《Baka's Psychotic Magical Adventures》 PROLOUGE 1 MATURE WARNING MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMATURE DO NOT READ IF U HATE THE NASTY................................................................................................................................................................................................................................This is the story of an unhealthy young man when i say unhealthy i dont mean sickly i mean a crazy asshole. Baka was born a normal child to a nice family he had a mother and a father a two brothers the day baka was born his mother looked at her first born son with love and affection as she wiped the blood off his face she smiled then she held him close at which point he bit off her nipples to say the least the doctors and the family were disturbed. Thankfully they were able to reattach them but they were weary of their son baka ever since. The mothers name was tara she was born into a weathly family she had a loving husband named roy and together they had three sons named russell,craig and baka of course. although they were a loving family bakas parents were not very bright having chosen his name from a random-ass book of course you can guess what kind of book as we look upon the family we open to the scene of baka half naked covered in shit head to toe Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.licking the carpet in between screaming "FUCK YOU PILLOW CASE FACE LEAF BLOWER MOTHA FUCKA". Russell,Bakas younger brother found himself paralyzed in the smell And as expected screamed for help he said "Dad Baka''s fucked up again he shoved a whole bottle of pills up his nose.... again." and roy yells back "What bottle?" and Russell said "I think laxatives." Roy said back "Get Craig with the baka helper". Craig entered the room with a wild look in his eyes and a chair leg with the words "Baka helper" carved into the wood he swings the wood with the skill of babe ruth it can never be said that there ever was a swing more stunning in all the history of baseball then the one that caved in baka''s skull. afterwards with somber faces and much glee they were conflicted and they dumped his rotting corpse using rubber gloves cause he was still covered in shit and dumped him in the walmart parking lot. Things went well for the loving family afterwards as if god himself had given them a charmed life and they lived happily ever after of course this was just the beginning of bakas story. Prolouge #2 warning this is mature content it is mature in its immature matureness so if you are too mature or not mature enough you may find it too mature or immature what ever the case may be, also my spelling is bad and I don''t pray a enough.when we last left are hero he was rotting in a Whalemart parking lot smelling bad and killing raccoon''s with his smell however his soul instead of going to hell so it could as god would put it "weird out" the devil it traveled to another place hard to describe a place that had nothing to do with earth but instead had a lot to do with a land called Hale. the space of the gods of Hale that baka''s soul had ended up in and was the subject of conversation between two sister gods sorta. What are you doing with that? asked sanity sanity as anyone who isn''t huffing paint thinner in their garage listening to Neil diamond and setting their eyebrows on fire could tell is the goddess of sanity the god/lampshade she was talking to was Noun goddess/belt buckle of insanity the goddess of sanity was a beautiful woman with glasses and a calming demeanor if she existed on earth she would be hard not to be confused with a therapist on the other hand the goddess/inchworm of insanity never looked much like anything for very long sometimes nothing at all often nothing that made sense people who prayed to the goddess of sanity found themselves calmer and able to keep cool in hard situations people who prayed to the goddess/Humvee of insanity on accident or a bet usually had variety of fun things happen to them one young mans blood turned to grape soda after praying to be worth more in the eyes of his father who tasted his blood after beating him and discovered it was tasty and started filling cups with it at dinner parties for nobles the nobles had never tasted anything like it. overtime said father retired selling his son to a noble family a young woman who got hit in the head with a rock and accidentally said the goddesses name grew twelve feet tall and began eating the skin of all the villagers whilst screaming "This is how i show my love" its because of that story and many others that no one prays to her on purpose as you can imagine the conversation between one goddess and one goddess/pelican was somewhat odd. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.going back to what was said earlier insanity responded to sanity''s question by saying that she intended to resurrect the soul she had summoned of course to any outsider her voice a lot like dolphin noises and the engine of a motorcycle. sanity''s response was "that''s a soul?!,It smells like shit and also no" insanity made a noise that sounded a lot like a book bitch slapping a guy whilst he was sleeping that meant you should accept it because its going to happen whether you want it to or not. sanity had a lot of experience with noun and knew that stopping her wasn''t in the cards of options she didn''t ask why because like most things insanity does there probably wasn''t a reason she took one look at the shit covered soul of baka and knew that he was hopelessly insane and kinda an asshole. unleashing him in his current mental state added with whatever powers noun chose to give him would be a horrible blight upon the world so sanity chose to give baka her blessing the blessing of sanity she looked over his soul and tried to find a spot not covered in the brown stains. ironically she found this spot on his back end to which she gave the gift of sanity a bright light engulfed his ass spreading to his whole body and eventually covering his head. She then went over to noun and asked how he was going to be reincarnated noun responded with a sound like two fish hitting one another and sanity''s eyes widened in horror. Chapter half Warning the contents of this page is too much for sissy maries be warned those of you girly girls who are upset by bad language should curl up with your chia pet instead and reading this to the real men or woman that happen to be men or men who happen to be women however the estrogen falls......pussies. Chapper Half. we open up to see a beutiful elvan woman dancing in a burnt dress dancing in a meadow of flowers. the elfs name was Salie she was born like most elves in the elven village near by that village was completly destroyed humans came and had a disscussion with the village chief it seemed odd to a child Salie as all the humans had swords and arrows pointed at the villagers there was some discussion about whether some woman of the village could sleep over the houses of the human men the chieften did not agree to this and a human man "accidently" had shot the chieften in the face the human men were sad and wanted to help so they decided to stay for a little while and there were alot of sleep overs and strange noises that must have been cries of joy the elven men of the village went hunting or so the human men had said but they didnt seem to come back "I guess they got lost" Salie said. the woman of the village seemed to get really upset it must have been about the chief in they''re sadness they seemed to have lost their minds they gathered p all the village children and sent the oldest out into the woods with them what happened afterwords salie didnt know but she could smell burning meat "the men must have come back" Salie thought the oldest elf was 14 her name was Kalie. Kalie seemed sad but was very strong whenever Salie was in trouble from jumping into a lions mouth or that time she was petting a dragon said dragon tried to eat her Kalie would always help Salie with the trouble she was in This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.but Kalie had many children to look after she also had to hunt and they had to move their camp every time the humans were looking for them. So finally one day after Salie set her clothes on fire because she was cold. Kalie banished her or more accuretly kicked her in the ass and said "Stay away" then Kalie moved camp but things werent so bad for salie afterwards since she got picked up by a nice old man. Whom was very nice and had told Salie that she was now his so called "Sex Slave" Salie thought "Whats a sex slave" She found out but she was a glass half full kinda person and made the best of it her time with the man named Hectaur was fun she got to meet other people they were all in chains she asked them what the did and they responded "we''re slaves and shut up bitch keep walking" "What do slaves do" Salie asked politely the slave in question said "First we learn to shut the fuck up and then we do whatever he says" Hectaur heard the slave talking whipped him and said "Shut the fuck up slave" Hectaur was a slave dealer Salie found out that slave dealers bought and sold slaves and that it was the slaves fault and that slave dealers where helping down on their luck people out of the goodness of they''re hearts To be continued... the second half of the chapter im going to finish in three to four days sorry i couldnt finish it all and also... pussies Chapter Half #2 Mature warning this mature warning contains mature content MATURE WARNING the content of this story might upset you bitches and if it does then you can just fucking accept my appoligy my last chapter probably need to be fixed its shitty even by my standards ill try to make this one better but dont expect much in grammar Chapter Half #2 Finally salie and the other slaves after weeks of walking and much whipping they reached the town of stain. Stain was not by any means a large town if it could be called famous for anything it would be the selling of premium slaves at bargain prices Hectaur planned on selling his stock there and as he refered to as mouthy cattle salie looked on in wonder thousands of men and women all cuffed together all waiting for a happy home they seemed somewhat unhappy Hectaur told Salie they were ungrateful little shits and that they were going to have the ingratitude beaten out of their bones Hectaur dragged his 20 slaves along with salie onto a large wooden black that all slaves were being sold on, on the block in addition of slaves of every specie they were magical items one seemed to be a stone that screamed every time that it was held another was a large mirror that seemed to shoot fire out of it when someone looked into it the slave owners with delight forcing the slaves to stare into the mirror as they burst into flames and then they would sell the meat from the slave at a stand nearby "genuine wolf man meat" the sign had said "50 coppers a limb" they put a special sauce on it and it was delightful after selling off all of his other slaves Hectaur finally sold salie corse the price was reduced because she wouldnt shut up salie was delighted to be sold to a fat man who called himself the game master apparently all the slaves that went with him got to play games as she ran down the podium she accidently dropped the mirror on one of the members of the crowd it cause a massive fire as the man burst into flames he ran into the chained slaves who were all wearing If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.very flamable rags the slaves ran into many others within a 5 yard radius and did this as a group and hit members of the crowd some guards tried to put the fire out with magic but it had no effect in fact the fire seemed to get bigger as it was not a normal fire the fire spread from the crowd into building that were around them salie thought the fire was pretty and decided to watch it burn she wandered awa from the burnt down town as both hectaur and the man she was sold to were being consummed by flames eventually she found herself in the middle of a meadow where she danced cause why the fuck not and then she sneezed and for reason that can only be known by some great unknown pervert watching the universe her sneeze sounded like the word noun which is all that the goddess\Ham sandwhich\pencil case named noun needed to totally fuck up salies day suddenly she noticed a flower growing out of her head salie being salie thought it was pretty but for some reason it seemed to get heavier and heavier and then she noticed something that looked allot like puss,blood and shit wrapped into a ball and growing bigger and bigger from the flower it really hurt she fell back as the giant ball began to break her face as it crused her skull now even salie as an empty headed fucktard as she was needed an intact brain so she began to die as the ball got about to be 6 feet tall and two hundrend pund it exploded covering the meadw in puss,blood and shit whilst killing all the flowers and thus begins the story of baka. ya know the next post will be next week i might re write the last chapter i did if i can summon the energy or desire because there really are parts that dont make any sense thanks for reading id also like a review or atleast another one alright and uh goodbye there yea goo... suck ze taint also english is not my first language its 15th after all the shit i make up i was raised by wild donkeys habobbob this is not a chapter im thinking about not doing anymore chapters there doesn''t seem to be any interest I don''t blame the readers my spelling is no good i might come back to it if I feel it or if the pills are strong enough I suppose its pretty crappy ending something before it began but what can you do I think one more mature warning because i found them funny .......................................................MATURE WARNING what your about to read is mature not to be confused with unmature things like hugging puppies grannies rapping mature things are very different like I don''t know butt rape and when one guy jumps on another guy eats his face throws up the face force feeds it to the guy who owns the face............................balls