《No Realm For A New God》


 Prologue - Royal Rumble

    The year is 3753 A.B. (After Blessed). In the plain of Amghari, close to the heart of the continent, an endless stream of mortal army is marching, carrying their own banners. From the East, in the direction of the land of Varande, the coalition of human kingdoms and empires army. From the Southeast, from the direction of the Falanian Empire, the Elven Empire''s army. From the South strait, from the direction of Simharal Great Forest, the Beastfolk land from their ships. From the Northeast, from the direction of Reimhan Volcanic Range, the Dwarven, Gnome, and Goblin Union marching with their siege engine. And lastly from the North, from the direction of Philados Sacred Mountain Range, the Draconian army marching with their flying great dragons.


    Among those numbers, it could be seen that many races mingled with each other under every banner. There are some Orcs, Elves, and Beastfolk mixed within the human army''s number. Humans under the Elven Empire''s army, the trolls under the Beastfolk''s army, and so on. There are deep grudges among factions, but they know that they can''t take the risk for internal strife, mortal strife. For they know that if they can''t working together in this war, it will spell the doom for every mortal race.


    But, there''s something even far more strange, the number of females within the soldier is far more greater than the number of males.


    A bit further from those armies location, in a meadow with small river, a boy who seems to be not more than ten years old, wearing a black outfit from hood to shoes was sitting atop a big rock in the river, dozing off with a fishing rod in his hand. When he slowly open his eyes


    Boy : "So they''re finally coming eh ? Those guys surely took their sweet time."


    Suddenly, a blur flashing and landed in the riverside, revealing a muscular female Draconian with gleaming onyx horn and tail. Standing in an oppressive height of 2,3 meters, seems to be around her early thirties, the scars in her body and armor shows that she was a seasoned warrior. Her warglaive leaking an eerie purple aura, combined with a diagonal scar on her face made her looks menacing. But, all of those things could not betray the fact that she was a peerless beauty.


    Female Draconian : "The coalition army has been assembled, they will camp close to Ghuinen pass tonight."


    Boy : "Ghuinen pass, well wish them luck. Hope they''ll pass the first night, hahahahahaha !"


    Female Draconian : "Considering their numbers which is in millions, I doubt that they will have any trouble at all."


    Boy : "And here I say, you''re wrong, dear. What matter is not their number, but can they trust each other and work together in this ? In the face of terror, will mortals show their true worth to this world ? Tell me Evarran, will they ?"


    Evarran : "You really don''t put too much faith on them don''t you, Samael ?"


    Samael : "*Gasp !* Faith is the last thing I expect you to say, my dear. Considering it was you who put efforts first in line."


    Evarran : "A lot of things happened during our time together. A lot to learn, a lot to feel, a lot to       think, and a lot to consider."


    Seeing Evarran who suddenly reminiscing, Samael only smirk, while saying "Oh, fishies !" like a kid. He peek into the fish memories, and release the fish back to the river. With a poof, his fishing rod disappear, and he stretch his limbs and yawning like a cat.


    Samael : "Ooookay, time to enjoy this show of the century !"


    Evarra : "The other has been waiting for us, we better hurry."


    Samael : "No need to rush, it''s not like we will miss the show."


    Evarra  : "Just keep laughing while it last."


    Samael : "Oh, don''t be like that, it''s still around noon right now. Why don''t we enjoy some quality time together under that tree''s shade over there ? You need to let that heavy mood off from you."


    Samael came closer and embracing Evarran, considering his height that not even reach her waist, he looks like a kid who was hiding behind his mother. Evarran, seeing his puppy eyes can do nothing but just blushing and lose control of all her reasoning. She choose to succumb on the guilty pleasure that soon will follow. And suddenly, she heard a shout inside her head and that shout return her mind back.


    Voice : "Evarran ! Where the hell are you ?!"


    Evarran : "The fuck ?!"


    Voice : "I said, where the hell are you now ?!"


    Evarran : "(That daughter of a whore, I should''ve kill her when I have the chance !)"


    Samael : "Evarran, be nice."


    Evarran :"Sigh....Fine. I''m still with master on the meadow, Schaleen."


    Schaleen : "What took you so...Wait ! You fuckers ! Don''t you dare to cheat on our agreement !"


    Evarran : "I''m not ! (though almost done it)."


    Schaleen : "The war will begin, we need to proceed with the plan !" (Telepathy disconnected)


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


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    Above the sky of where the mortal armies camp, a few figures was floating in the air. An angry female Elf mage who keep spewing curse. A wise looking old male Orc shaman who seems to be in meditation. A female Dwarf berserker who keep chugging on her booze bottles without care. An Incubus with green long coat God knows what his specialty is. A dark skinned, mature looking, priest gown wearing, big ass-titties human woman with suspicious smile. A barefooted old human male with chain in his ankles and wrists with a torn rags as his only cloth who keep cackling like a maniac. And a female Feline beastfolk who polish her huge bow which was made from unknown materials. Those people keep doing whatever they like until the female Elf mage suddenly shouting


    Elf mage : "Fuck ! Fuck her ! I''m gonna blast that Draconian apart !"


    Orc shaman : "Schaleen, calm down child."


    Schaleen : "Who the hell did you call a child, Malor ?"


    Dwarf berserker : "Obviously, it was you to begin with, hahahaha../cough., /cough, /cough."


    Schaleen : "Die, die choked by your own booze Pirion."


    Old man : "Yeah ! Yeah ! Bring the fight ! Yahahahaha !"


    Malor : "Iad, stop it, don''t incite them any longer."


    Iad : "Why ? It just starting to get exciting !"


    Female priest : "Ara ara, being angry will add more wrinkles to your face Schaleen."


    Schaleen : "At least my wrinkles won''t be as numerous as yours."


    Cat ranger : "Hoho, someone is going to be flayed."


    Malor : "Enough ! All of you ! Schaleen, don''t bring the topic about Naria''s aging signs. Savaro, stop pouring more oil to the fire."


    Schaleen : "Malor, you know I can''t drop down my guards against that pedophile priest and that fetishist hunter."


    Naria : "Fufufufu, why none of you can''t be cute like our little Bauvelt here ? Look, he keep quiet ever since all of you lot start bickering."


    Savaro : "Boy, don''t repeat your past mistake again."


    Bauvelt : "(God, what kind of sins I have done that make you put me in this torment of a group) Naria please stop hugging and cuddling me."


    Naria : "Bauvelt, won''t you get to your child form ? I promise I''ll handle you with more love this time."


    Bauvelt : "No, please no.../shudder"


    A ''poof'' sound come in the middle of the group. Samael and Evarran has come.


    Samael : "Wow, what a lively bunch."


    Malor : "They almost out of control, in case you want to know."


    Evarran : "Pirion, pass me a bottle."


    Pirion : "Meh, get your own booze. Hahahaha, just kidding, here you go."


    Naria : "Kyaaaaa !!! :3 My favourite boy !"


    Samael : "Not now Naria."


    Suddenly their attentions shifted to Ghuinen pass. From there, new armies come from the northern and southern pass. From the northern pass, a large army of mortals who align themselves to the Ancient Light god along with the Angels. And from the southern pass, a large army of mortals who align themselves with Primordial Dark god along with the Demons. A three way battle is going to be ensured this way.


    From the direction of the coalition armies, sounds of horns blown, followed by someone shouting an order, "Magus ! Man your Reaver !". From the Angels army, A Valkyrion leader giving an order, "Charge with the Light Animus." with cold and clear voice. And from the Demons army, a Knight of Demise leader giving order with hoarse and hissing voice, "Crush them all, feed them to our Gigantus Abomination."


    A moment later, the sky in the northern pass swirling and the cloud was torn apart, a ray of holy light shine to the ground, like descending from the heaven, comes the Ancient Light god champion, the deity among the faithful. From the southern pass, the air distorted, cracked like a broken glass, the gates of Sor''thanan, the maw of hell opened, and the Primordial Dark god champion, the deity among the corrupt joining the battle.


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    Samael : "Now everyone, class is begin. Look at those idiots over there, fighting a royal rumble, a three way orgy with lots of blood which is going to get spilled. What the hell are they fighting for ? A bullshit that they consider as a holy cause, believed by masses of idiots that was herded by imbeciles."


    Iad : "Let''s go and kill them now ! Yahahahaha !"


    Samael : "(Silence)"


    Iad : "No ? We''re not going to slaughter them ? Then why are we here ?! Why ?! Whyyyyy ??!!"


    Pirion : "Calm down maniac, hic ! Don''t you remember Master''s order ? Hic ! We''re just come to watch this time."


    Schaleen : "So be it."


    And so, as the battle goes, those nine just watch as how this battle, which will decide the fate of Mundus, shall change everyone''s destiny.


    But, how can everything turn this way ?

 Arc 1 Chapter 1 - The End of Internship

    Ok, the 5 month silence is actually suck, I have to obtain my BCS degree that time, and now I''m still in the process of establishing my own retail store....So, there you have it. Plus, being a single dad at 22 is not as rosy as many would think.


    Yeah, long time of silence finally broken, enjoy this arc that I personally call as The Boring Part


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    If you read a newbie god''s resume you may find a treasure, well not a real treasure, but at least some lols that will be alive for a few weeks.


    ---An excerpt from an interview with Carl Rach, staff of the Multiverse Recruitment Officer, demoted by the end of this interview---


    Our MC : "Finally ! The end of the shitty internship, fuck yeah !"


    So, yeah, basically guys, shortly after the end of my fourth internship, I am finally free, viva freedom ! Shouting in the office  hallway is bad, but it feels soooo fucking good to release the tension. Fuck those staring bystander ! They can lick my boots goodbye. To the quartermaster !


    -Fifth floor-


    Blonde Lady : "Oi, stinking brat ! Walk faster will you !? It''s almost lunch time !"


    Ok, here''s the deal, that hag, is Linda Stern, our office Universe Development Program Chief a.k.a The Quartermaster, The Slave Driver, and many other titles that even I forgot about. She handle the acquisition of new universe and inherited universe for the employees. Before you ask, inherited universe is a pain in itself, you deal with another god''s abandoned universe project. Imagine if you inherit a world that close to apocalypse just waiting to die without any chance to do anything which can be counted as fun, not cute. A lot of headache ensured in the form of paperworks for this, the shit among shit that could make you spend several cosmic months tied to your pitiful workspace that was separated with cardboard from other''s desk. New universe is the best choice, ever.


    Now the horrid part is Linda. She''s the top dog in this department. One among few in the top of this office''s food chain. At a single glance, she fit in a category that you plebs from earth calls as "Perfect MILF". Let me spell it for you, "PERRR...FEEEECTTTT".


    I''m fucking serious here mate, when my group of fresh batch newbies came to this office, she gave a speech in the podium, all of the guys in my group instantly dislocated their jaw when they saw her, some even muttered "Big Sister", "Mistress", and I even heard two guys said "Mommy". Apparently, I''m the only one in the batch who was immune to her insta-kill charm. Whelp, being psychotic as a mortal has it perks when you''re promoted as god.


    Well enough of that, the point is, she''s a bundle of packed explosives. Once, A monkey man beastfolk accidentally touch her ass in the cafeteria. She snapped, she smashed his face with a metal tray and landed lots of lethal blows to him. If that is not bad enough for you pal, here''s the rest of the story. After the monkey guy got unconscious, she pull him to a corner, and piss on his face...She was urinating ON - HIS - FUCKIN'' - FACE. The poor sod admitted to hospital for months, and he developed a nasty ass trauma that give him seizures up till now.


    The moment of truth, time to say all of those pent up frustration.


    Linda : "Samael, the last time I know something about you, is that you''re frickin normal, not a damn turtle !"


    Samael (le me) : *Inhale* "Alright hag, here''s the truth. Linda, I quit being your boy toy, now that I think about it, the way you treat me isn''t worth it after all. For years, I''ve been literally and figuratively licking your ass on every opportunity, just for this moment. Now, if you''ll excuse me, I''ll take my stuff and leave now."


    Linda : *twitch* "You..."


    Le passerby : "Oh shit, he''s a dead meat."


    Samael : *inhale again* "Snatch and run !"


    Linda : "You fucker ! Don''t you dare to run from me !"


    Samael : "(Oh man, she throw a knife, where the hell she got that knife from ?!)" *Critical dodge success* "See you later chumps ! Ha ha !"


    Le passerby : "Argggghh ! What the hell ! Who throw a damn knife to my shoulder ?!"


    Better run for my life now, time for a new job. A brand new universe ready for a good deflowering !


    Samael : "Let''s see, empty lot #35789 turion zeta. Another project holder within 1 million light year : none. The kit is complete, manual, here we go. Comm. device, wait, pager ? Who use a pager nowadays ? Taxi !"


    Driver : "Where to, Sir ?"


    Samael : "Crow''s Garden Ave., the apartment with a big ass cat mural. (Oh, Steve is calling). Steve, need something ?"


    Steve : "I told you million of times, my name is Stephany, you dickwad ! You mad fucker ! What kind of insult you threw to Linda that make her this pissed off ?! Wait, wait, considering that it is you, it must be a really stupid one isn¡¯t it ?"


    Samael : "Well, ain''t you an understanding one. You know me best, don''t you ? What are you, my wife ?"


    Steve : "Hooo, you know what ? Eight people have been admitted to hospital just now and probably more will be included in the body count. She throw a guy from the fourth floor, and now she put wanted


    If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.posters with your face on every floor ! She nailed them to the wall, with knife !"


    Samael : "Well, ain''t that cute ?"


    Steve : "Just disappear from the office for a while will you, let the burn fade off, and maybe she''ll forget about it."


    Samael : "Point taken. I got a new universe project anyway."


    Steve : "Good, exile yourself there for a while so this office may see a little peace after all this years of torture you''ve done."


    Samael : "See you later mate."


    Driver : "Sir, we''ve arrived."


    Samael : "Good, give the bill to Linda Stern, the office, fifth floor. Please tell her, Samael ask her for a favor."


    Driver : "Yes sir." *taxi drives away*


    Samael : "(Poor sod, heheheheh). Time to pack up ."


    This apartment, as suspicious as it might be in this sector, this place is pretty nice anyway. Cheap, free food, cats roaming around shitting in the corner, toothless zombies in the basement for stress relief, a fight ring on the roof, and an easygoing cougar landlady who often seeks company.


    Ah, talking about the landlady, Isabelle. She''s actually filthy rich, she run this place just for hobby. Who can blame her anyway ? Her last few projects net her an amount which she can spend it like crazy for eternity. Her husband ? Dunno, there''s a hearsay that she kill her husband. Some suspect that she did it so she can build her harem of boys in her last planet. Well anything can happen, she seems nice, all tenants here say so, me included. Some sort of brainwashing I recon, with all 13 guys here is man except the landlady, get laid for free once every 2 weeks doesn''t seems like a bad deal if you''re looking at it from every angle.


    Well, packing up, done. The landlady is out, so I''m just gonna leave her a note along with my key.


    To Isabelle : I''m out for a new universe project, I''ve cleaned my room, you can rent it to someone else. Try a girl this time, a nice change of scenery might be good, or suck. Wish me luck, Samael.


    Note : If I got suddenly broke, can I ask you for some loan ? Don''t worry, I''ll make it up to you, in a very, very special way.


    Now, off to the closest interdimensional gateway. Hope this time they don''t throw me off to a battlefield somewhere. After 6 blocks of walking, a shitty gateway keeper is the staple on every gateway, for like forever. Oh, that''s Sarah.


    Samael : "Sarah ! Off to a new assignment ?"


    Sarah : "Oh, it''s you, again. Yeah, a new universe one. You too ?"


    Don''t get me wrong right here, there''s something about this chick that keeps irk me up. As a matter of facts, this muscle freak is pretty cute. But her demeanor, no, something about her rub me in the wrong way. I don''t know which, but I knew about it was there since the first time I met her. Forget it, let''s just play along like how a normal should be, shall we ?.


    Samael : "Yeah, same like you. Mine is #35789 turion zeta, yours ?"


    Sarah : "#124 capricio janus, a new plot recently developed."


    Samael : "Well, a new plot ! Ain''t you supposed to be happy ? You can make a quick buck there."


    Sarah : "I don''t know, I just can''t leave my kids in the dorm for too long. I''m gonna miss them *sob"


    Right, I think this was the part that make me don¡¯t really like her¡­.She¡¯s well, what is it called ? Weak willed ? Crybaby ? Somehow her traits doesn¡¯t even fit her appearance. It¡¯s legitimately disturbing for me.


    Samael : "Here some tissue, well that''s your call, good luck !"


    Sarah : "Yeah, you too."


    My turn then. Shit, that''s buckteeth !


    Buckteeth : "Hey you ! Don''t make other people wait longer ! Move faster ! So, it''s you pretty boy, what''s this time about ?"


    Samael : "Ol'' buckteeth. How''s gateway business now ? Still miserable ?"


    Buckteeth : "Don''t fuck with me, give me your ticket !"


    Samael : "Office business, you know that this time you can''t screw with this one don''t you ?"


    Buckteeth : "Point taken, put your luggage there for inspection."


    - A moment later-


    Samael : "The fuck ! You can''t confisticate my snack ! You''re gonna burn for this buckteeth ! Mark my words !"


    Buckteeth : "Article #16 of interdimensional traveling, ''No dangerous substances or hazardous materials are allowed to be carried during the phase, in fear of lethal contamination to the working site.'' Are we clear on this one ?"


    Samael : "That''s just some fucking snacks !"


    Buckteeth : "Looks dangerous to me. Hey guys ! Don¡¯t you think this things dangerous ?¡±


    Gateway jerks group : ¡°Yeah ! (Guy 1) Those things looks so evil ! (Guy 2) For the love of...Purify those abominable things ! (Guy 3)¡±


    Samael : "I''ll make all of you pay for this."


    Buckteeth : "I''ll be waiting then. Make sure that it will be more interesting than your last gig."


    Alright, that hit my bottom line. Can''t let my emotion got the best of me right now. Time to cool down a bit, done. I''m gonna pluck his buckteeth next time, or maybe I can make Linda do it for free. Chill man, make sure that you won¡¯t screw this one. Your future prospect is at stake.


    *Pheew !* So readers, after I step into this suspicious looking, misery filled, black hole look-a-like  interdimensional gateway, are you up for a new game of creation and destruction ?