《Magic is Overrated》


 CH 1: My Magic is Shit!

    In this beautiful and glorious world where the birds sing their heavenly song and the sun shines down upon all men with its grace... ah, who am I kidding? This world is plagued by war and ruled by old crones. Those old bats are nothing more than power crazed mages that had the mana from the world run straight up their ass into their empty noggins.


    In this piece of shit world where everything makes me want to tear out my hair and scream everyone is born with a grimoire. At birth the grimoire lies dormant in your body until you turn thirteen years of age. Today is my birthday, I just turned thirteen.


    Sitting in front of me are my parents and my younger sister, Kyla. And hovering before my face that looks like it was kicked in by an ass was a simple pamphlet, hardly a damned book. My grimoire was fucking small... they say size doesn''t matter... it does, or at least it does when it comes to a grimoire. A larger book means more spells yet mine is so god damned thin I could pick the rotting gunk from out of my teeth with it. Fuck.


    "Quick tell us what your affinity is!" It''s my mother.


    Obliging despite my disappointment in my underwhelming grimoire, I open to the first page. There before my eyes is the information:


    Grimoire Holder: Kyte Mangantaire


    Current Mastery of Material: 0%


    Primary Affinities: Life/Death/Earth/Air/Water/Fire


    Reading up to that point I can''t help but twist my eyes into slits in anticipation. Any person with an affinity for unique affiliations such as life and death itself are highly valued by many organizations around the globe for their general usefulness. Life and Death primary affinities are incredibly rare! Not to mention having an affinity with so many primary elements! I could easily get into any school in the country with an incredibly specified magic. Now my hands are shaking in anticipation! What kind of magic could be comprised of such elements? Fuck... There on the paper just one line down:


    Specialization: Shit/Excrement/Crap/Diarrhea/Scat/Manure/etc.


    I''m flipping through the booklet and all of the spells have to do with is well... shit. Looking at my mother I''m trying to calm myself... it''s not like my magic decides my fate and how i''ll end up in the world. Of course it fucking does! God damn it! Crap! Yes this entire world is just a fucking cesspool full of shit! I blame the world and its cruel tendencies! Curse it all!


    Magic is what is used to run this world and decides where you go and what you do. It decides your future. In short my future is no better than my magic! A steaming pile of shit! I can''t stop hyperventilating! My vision is going red, I''m too fucking pissed off at this moment. I can''t calm myself down! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!


    ***


    *Phew*


    *Phew*


    *Phew*


    Is that my breathing? My chest feels heavy. My vision is coming back.


    I''m standing overtop overtop of the dinner table we were all just sitting at. I guess I had picked up my chair and completely busted it because it''s now just splinters that are littering the room. My hands are bloody and have pieces of wood lodged in them. The table is flipped over and the food for my birthday dinner is splattered across the hardwood floor.


    My mother is looking at me with a shocked expression, I''ll be hearing about this later. My father is already standing and face tells me he is probably going to beat me within an inch of my life. My little sister was probably so scared she fell out of her chair. She is on the floor with tears and snot streaming down her cute little face while trying to get away from me.


    "Scary...*sob*... brother... *sniffle*... scary..." My little sister is scared of me? I can feel my eyes hardening. My heart is hurting from her words yet I can''t cry. I simply stare at her with all of the lingering rage I can muster. I''m quite the scumbag. I''ll be honest and acknowledge it, I''m scum. No less than the other shit scoured across this fucking world. I made a little girl cry... yet... I''m laughing, my inner turmoil can''t help but come out as mad laughter.


    "Hahahahahahahaaahaaaahahaaaaa... *wheezing*... " I take a deep breathe to try and calm my shaking bloody hands.


    I think my mad laughter scared the hell out of my sister because she is now screaming while trying to back up. It''s like she wants to become one with the wall, how cute. I smile, albeit my smile is likely perverted. I probably look like a cunning wolf about devour a hen. I''m finding some entertainment in my sorrow, I can''t help it really.


    My dad has his grimoire in front of him, I''m waiting for that sensation. It makes me sick every time. And there it is. I''m on my knees with my face on the floor. A constricting feeling, like my whole body is a prison. Joy oh joy. My father''s signature blood magic. If I could''ve inherited such a powerful magic I might be enjoying a celebrative dinner at this moment. I can only blame my lack of self control however.


    Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    "Stop terrorizing your sister."


    My father is quite a simple guy really. He does what is best for his own standing. So I know I likely won''t last long at this moment, with such a mediocre magic. He just calmly took my grimoire floating in the air and is now flipping through the pages. I can barely lift my head. Is he... smiling? He just raised an eyebrow.


    "I don''t see what''s so wrong with this magic."


    Don''t see what''s wrong with it? It''s fucking shit! My magic is shit!


    "I see potential." The fact that he is saying so with a completely serious face is unnerving. Not to mention I feel like he read my mind, he knows me too well.


    "I know you very well." Can this old man really read minds? Were the sentences written on my face?


    "No I can''t read minds." Well doesn''t that just make him slightly less scary?


    "I simply read your facial expressions accompanied by the aura your exuding. It gives me a precise idea about what your are thinking. So remember I can''t read minds... but I have no doubt there is a mage that could somewhere in the world."


    The fact that he can do that without magic is terrifying yet he is no doubt my father. The man famed for his domineering blood magic Bloom Mangantaire. He is one of the three generals of the current monarchy that rules the entirety of the southern continent which I am currently on, the continent of Hartan. A very scary guy, my father.


    ***


    Three days after my little breakdown.


    I have been in my room since that little fiasco. Father told me simply to go to room after saying what he wanted to, typical of him. He had healed my cuts using his blood magic then sent me off. I''m now flipping through my grimoire. I still can''t get past the idea that my magic has power over shit. I already know what is coming though so I need to look over it and find that "potential" my father was talking about.


    I seriously hate him. He always makes things so difficult. Can''t he stop being a cryptic old fart and tell it to me like one might a blatant idiot. I am stupid, I must be, because I''m sure not smart. So now I''m sitting here and flipping through my grimoire I realize, I only have five spells. I can only view one at the moment though the other four simply look like ink stains, shit stains rather.


    I pick up the letter sitting at my desk for the umpteenth time. I glance at it and now I''m stomping my feet in frustration. I am being sent off, I knew it would happen when I saw his smile but it was just confirmed this morning when he handed me the letter.


    I guess it''s not all bad considering I''m going to one of the best magic schools on the continent, Arkler Academy of Magic. However my problem is not where I''m going, it''s what I''ll be learning. My father chose these courses. There are five courses. One for each of the five school days. Considering three are seven days in each week it means I get two days off per week. So considering each month has thirty-five days means I get ten days of rest per month from my shitty courses.


    My five courses are Anatomy Lv. 1, Agricultural Study, Gardening 101, Battle Mage Lv. 1, and Magic Theory Lv. 1. Oh boy. Anatomy is just ok, I don''t entirely care about this one. It''s Agricultural Study and Gardening 101. Aren''t those the same thing! I''m now banging my head into a wall. What does my father want me to become, a damned farmer?! Well I guess not since he enrolled me as a battle mage! Magic Theory is a required course but I mean seriously what is with this other shit!


    I think my head banging alerted my butler, George, because he is now standing in my doorway. I stop my head bending only to rub my head. Ouch, that hurt. I shake my head before I ask George simply, "What is it George?"


    "Young Master when I heard all that banging I couldn''t help but imagine that a young lady was perhaps having a late night rendezvous with you. I was really quite curious to see how you became a man, sadly it was just a childish tantrum. I''ll take my leave here." Saying all that with a stern expression then leaving? Aren''t I the "Young Master" here?


    That old butler was assigned to take care of me by my grandfather. It''s not too surprising that George is an old pervert, he hardly holds a candle to my grandfather. Grandfather probably assigned him to me because George has the same... character... I suppose. All I can do is shake my head as George leaves once more. Speaking of which, I haven''t seen my grandfather in almost five years.


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Help! My Grandfather Is An Insatiable Pervert!]

 CH 2: Help! My Grandfather Is An Insatiable Pervert!

    I''m so fucking tired. The sun is hardly up yet my father is already forcing me into the carriage. I''m not even getting in out of my volition, he is using blood magic to make me his meat puppet. God I hate this feeling.


    My father is sitting across from me in the carriage. All my luggage was packed and loaded on by the servants a while ago. I''m tired, I just woke up, and was controled by blood magic. I have very little oxygen running to my brain at the moment. I''m going to take a nap. Maybe when I wake up I''ll be in the capitol by then. The academy is in the capitol, a five hour ride by carriage from Mangantaire castle. My eyes are closing. I just realized I didn''t say goodbye to my mother or little Kyla. Whatever, I''ll see them again.


    ***


    I just woke up because the carriage hit a rut in the road. I look at father but he has a straight face. I think he was staring at me as I slept the entire time, creepy. I don''t talk much to him anyway. It''s usually just me and myself when I''m at home. Only people I ever talked to on a daily basis would be the servants. So I opt to stare out the window.


    Outside is simply trees and more trees. I just realized I have my grimoire in my chest pocket. I take it out and look at the one spell currently written in my booklet:


    Manipulation of Shit:


    Can control shit. Area of control and where you can draw the shit from is dependent on current mastery of material.


    I sigh to myself while reading this. There is an assisting incantation but I feel it''s rather pointless. To completely master it I need to be able to use the manipulation spell without an incantation and with little effort. Only when I do that will my one of my other spells be revealed by the grimoire. When I start thinking about it, isn''t this similar to my father''s blood manipulation magic?


    Whatever I''ll just have to deal with this myself. Thinking such thoughts I just stare out of the window to pass the time.


    ***


    It''s been several hours and I can finally see the capitol in the distance. It''s spires and massive towers line almost half of the horizon from this distance. I''m probably about 30 miles from the bordering wall that lines the outside of the capitol. I can see enormous mana stones on top of the spires. The gathering mana over the city makes a kind of Aurora effect. The fact that it''s about noon yet I can still see the Mana Aurora in the sky makes me wonder what it would be like at night.


    Our carriage just pulled up to the city gate. The wall surrounding the city is huge. Being right next to it I feel like it could block out the sky.


    Our carriage easily passed through the gate thanks to our family crest. It''s a black falcon with its stomach cut open displaying its innards while bleeding out, yet its wings are spread and head held high. Our family crest is fucking disturbing, almost as disturbing as the people who don such a crest. People like my father or my grandfather are prime examples, genuine creeps.


    I''m pretty sure our carriage gave those average citizens the creeps when they saw it rolling down the road. I wouldn''t know considering I hid my face due to embarrassment. I hate my family.


    ***


    We are now in front of the school gates. The guards just casually let us enter, not surprising. The carriage stops in front of the steps of the grand building that is the Arkler Academy of Magic. It''s seriously huge. It''s entirely carved out of marble. There are statues lining the steps too. This place is... awesome! I get to stay here? Without any of my creepy ass family members? I don''t care about my classes anymore, I love this place already.


    "The luggage will be taken to your room. Right this way, I''ll take the both of you to the headmaster." He scared me. He appears to be a butler. He has balding grey hair and a disturbingly hunched back. He lets off this twisted and creepy aura that I thought I could only get from my family members.


    Anyway I guess he was expecting us and father is already following him inside so I guess I''ll follow as well. There aren''t any people around since there is still a week before the school year starts officially. My father said he wanted to give me time to get "settled in" and to be honest I don''t care. Being away from that dusty old castle I call "home" is a blessing.


    We were just led into the grand hall of the academy and I must say it looks awesome. Like a holy ground blessed by the heavens or maybe it''s just the fact that my family won''t be here and I get a nice quiet week to myself. We turn down one of the hallways that splinter off of the main hall. After making many twists and turns we are now in front of a big black door that has a big golden plaque. On that plaque is written my worst nightmare "Headmaster Kalmer Mangantaire''s Office", my grandfather.


    My father had to pick me up off the ground using his magic after I saw my impending doom. I am scared, no... I''m petrified. I know how my grandfather is and now my haven has become a hell. This certainly explains how a shit mage, literally, like me got into the best school in the entire country.


    We step into the office and my first impression is, it''s dark. Then I hear the moaning. I want to run but father already stopped my movements. Curse his bloody magic! My eyes adjust to the light and then I see it.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    My grandfather is in a black cloak. His white scraggly hair all over the place. He has a sadistic smile and in his hand is a Cat o'' Nine Tails, his favorite whip. In front of him is my grandmother. She is wearing tight leather clothing that is too revealing for her wrinkly body. She is bound by rope and tied to the ceiling. Her tongue is hanging out of her mouth and drool is dripping down her face. She is in pure ecstasy while I want to throw up.


    My grandfather looks over at us when he hears the door open then close. That hunchback minion of his scrambled out of the room and left us here. I want cry, I need to escape before it''s too late!


    Gramps is looking down at grandma''s face as he says with a welcoming tone, like nothing is wrong with this situation, "Hey look hun, it''s our boy and he brought our grandson." My grandmother can''t exactly answer, I think she passed out.


    To wake her up my grandfather grabs a candle before pouring the hot wax down my grandmother''s wrinkly cleavage. If you think that''s a scary image all I can say is... I''m seeing it right now. Help! She startles with a jolt, flinging spit across the room and onto my boots.


    He repeats it again, "Hey look hun, it''s our boy and he brought our grandson."


    This time my grandmother manages to nod in recognition before passing out again. I think that satisfied my grandfather because he is now looking at us. I look at my father and he is... unfazed. I wonder if he grew up with this kind of fucked up shit.


    "I told you in the letter we were coming. Here is Kyte I leave him in your care." My father pats my head while saying as such before he is simply gone.


    Wait. What. He is already out of the door. He left me behind on purpose!


    "Oh that''s right Kyte, you got that shit magic right? We could have all kinds of fun! I know some people with a fetish for fecal matter. I''ve been wanting to see what all the fuss is about." He is saying that with a smile, a sadistic smile. I''m scared, help.


    "You know it''s a pity you didn''t inherit my blood magic like your father. It means in your old age you can''t manipulate your blood to stay hard like this old man. I pity you child, while your flaccid in your old age I''ll be an ancient relic that is stiff as can be."


    I''m now banging my head into the floor trying to get that out of my head. My grandfather is laughing at me. Crazy old man is screwing with me.


    "Well that''s enough of that I suppose. I''ll show you to your room then to where you''ll be working."


    Hearing that last line I''m confused. What work, I wasn''t told about any work. My grandfather took notice of my expression I believe because he says simply to me, "Your father didn''t tell you? Hehehehehehe..." That laughter at the end sent shivers down my spine.


    My grandfather walked over and grabbed my shoulder before ushering me out of the office. "What about grandmother?" I couldn''t help but ask.


    "She''s not going anywhere." Obviously! You tied her up then hung her to the ceiling like some kind of fucking chandelier!


    My grandfather is now calmly leading me to my room with an arm around my shoulder, like one might to their prot¨¦g¨¦. I simply keep my head down and follow in his steps. Following in his footsteps is a scary thought. We are now in front of a simple door with the numbers 327 on the plaque.


    Grandfather pulls out a key and unlocks the door before handing the key to me. "This is your room. Your luggage is right over there in the corner. You''ll be sharing this room with one other person so be sure to not be a slob. The bathroom is shared in this wing. Just right down the hall. Take a quick look because it''s time for your work."


    I took a quick look into the room. Two beds, two desks, two dressers, and two magic stone lamps. My luggage looks like it was just thrown into one corner of the room but I don''t care much. I quickly close and lock the door before stuffing the key into my pocket.


    ***


    I''m now outside next to a massive garden that spans most of the entrance. My grandfather said he would explain but I''m scared because of his dirty smile. I''m quite glad I''m a man at this moment because knowing my grandfather I''m scared of what he would do alone with a girl my age.


    "Well this is where you''ll be working. Have fun, the fertilizer is over there. You have until the end of the week. Dinner is served everyday at 5:30. Breakfast is at 7:30 and you are on your own for lunch. ...Oh! I almost forgot! If you don''t spread all of that fertilizer by the start of the semester you''ll be swimming in it! Bu~bye~ work hard!"


    And there he goes. He is just leaving me here next a pile of shit that is at least twenty feet in height. Am I his personal gardener? Are there no servants that can do this?! Fuck!


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Playing With Shit]

 CH 3: Playing With Shit

    I have stood in front of this massive pile of shit for at least an hour now! I have my grimoire in hand and it tells me step by step on the page how to operate the spell. Only the instructions are so fucking obscure. Allow the mana of the world to enter your body it says. Let the mana flow down your arm and gather in your hand it says. Imagine the mana connecting itself to the shit it says. Then it has a nice little incantation to ease the burden of the mana on my body.


    Well fuck! Even a five year old can use mana in such a way. Putting mana into mana stones is how everything operates! Put mana into a water stone and it generates water, put mana into a fire stone and it generates fire! Yet when I try to allow the mana to flowing into my arm to gather in my hand it simply explodes! I can see my own mana and it just won''t work. I can''t form a connection with shit! That''s fucking disgusting!


    In my frustration I''m gathering mana into my hand. I wish this shit would just explode, go away damn it! I don''t want to have this damned magic!


    *BOOM*


    Shit was just flung all over my face. My magic worked without an incantation, I should be happy. I would be happy if it wasn''t  for the taste of shit in my fucking mouth! I think I''m going to throw up.


    "Gaaaaaaaaaaah" in my frustration it seems I''m losing myself again. Fuck it all. Just fuck this shit and my damned shitty magic. My vision is turning red again. Ah, I''m not even going to resist this rage. Damn it all!


    ***


    *Phew*


    *Phew*


    *Phew


    It''s this familiar feeling again. My chest is heavy. My eyes are clearing up. I feel a lot better after that tantrum.


    I look around me and my blood runs cold. I''m so screwed. In my anger it seems I had flung the shit everywhere. That might be good if I had done it over the flower garden. Well fuck me! How long was I blinded by my rage that I could create such a monstrosity?!


    Those previously pristine white marble steps. Those epic statues. The green grass. The clear windows. All of it is now colored in a layer of brown. I''m dead. I''m already smashing my head into the ground and praying for rain. It still isn''t raining.


    I hear the front entrance open. It''s my grandpa... he has a paddle that is as long as a man''s leg. I gulp involuntarily when I see his serious expression. This isn''t going to be pretty. Time to run.


    "Ya lil'' fucker don''t you try and get your ass away from me!" God why couldn''t I have a magic that makes me faster?!


    *Smacking and incomprehensible screams of agony*


    ***


    I''m waddling back to my room. I think I won''t be able to sit down for another week. I didn''t eat dinner and I had to scrub the walls of the academy until spotless. To be honest I never finished but it is already too dark to do anything more about it. I want to sleep but I seriously smell like shit and I''m covered in it.


    Fuck this world. Fuck magic! Isn''t this too much?


    With a sigh I grab a pair of clean clothes. I''m heading to the showers right down the hall.


    The bathroom isn''t bad really quite nice. Spacious and has many mirrors. The perfume makes me think of a women''s room but whatever. Probably just the smell of a cleaning agent.


    I pump enough mana into a water stone for a half an hour long shower. I rub at my skin so hard it almost bleeds. I want to get the stench of shit off of me. Fucking world. Isn''t magic meant to make our lives easier?! Damn.


    I dry off and put on some clean clothes before tossing my dirty clothes into a trash bin. There is no way that many shit stains will ever wash out.


    I do a swan dive onto my bed before passing out. It''s going to be tough. I can already taste the shit in my mouth. I hate this.


    ***


    I woke up this morning to being poked in the side. I turn over to see my grandfather. He is snuggled up next to me. His wrinkly face is only a couple inches from my own. Damn that''s fucking creepy. What is he poking me with? My blood runs cold when I remember the phrase "I''ll be an ancient relic that is stiff as can be."


    I''m already out of bed. I think I''m about to die. Wait, he''s not hard. He is just holding that paddle. I loose breathe of relief. Wait. Paddle? Fuck!


    "This is your wake up call boyo! Can''t have shit covering the building and stinking up the place now can we?" He slaps the paddle onto his open palm. I jump.


    After getting beat with that thing before there is no way I''m going to let it happen again! I''m already out of the door. I look at the large clock in the main hall. It says 5:30 A.M.. Think you could''ve at least given me some time to rest after yesterday!


    I''m now on the ladder I had gotten out yesterday. I have a bucket and a water stone in my hand. I also have a few rags hanging out my pockets. Time for some monotonous work. Damn it!


    Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat. Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat. Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat. Fill the bucket. Toss water. Scrub. Repeat.


    ***


    I have been moving around cleaning up my mess and all I can say is I''m hungry and that my hands hurt. I don''t want to sound like a masochist but I like the pain in my muscles. It beats having shit fly into your face. Speaking of which, after yesterday my magic has improved. I have to use an incantation but I''ll get it one out of every twenty tries... this sucks. If I could use my magic I wouldn''t have to use such a monotonous cleaning method.


    I seriously am despising my magic. I mean I know that learning magic is hard work but isn''t it better to work hard knowing you''ll get somewhere? What am I working towards? Shit! Literally!


    If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    I shake my head before going down and sitting on one of the few clean sections of the stairs. I lie on my back because I''m so tired and... I''m so hungry. I already missed breakfast by now and I missed dinner yesterday. Not to mention dinner time isn''t until a few hours. So... damn... hungry... I close my eyes in the hopes to nap away my hunger.


    *Growl~~~*


    "Shh stomach. Just blame that wrinkly old man. It''s his fault I tell ya. Crazy fucker is into some nasty shit. And now he is getting off to tormenting me. *shivers running down spine*" I talk to myself out of despair before shivers run down my spine at the thought of the old me getting off to me playing with shit.


    I feel something heavy land on my stomach. It hurts! I open my eyes to see the very devil himself! My grandfather is staring down at me with a smile. He has his foot on my stomach. "Who''s this ''old man'' you were talking about? *stomp* Who''s this ''crazy fucker'' that dares to torment my lovely grandson! *repeated stomping*" Help! He won''t stop crushing my stomach. I''m crying out in pain but no one is here to help me! Fuck!!!


    My vision is going dark. Suddenly his stomping stops, my whimpers continue. I hear something drop next to my head. "A gift from a crazy old fucker." I hear him say this. Now he is walking away. Crazy old man! Has me playing with shit then he beats me up! Now he is giving me gifts! I can''t keep my eyes open to see what it is. I''m getting sleepy. I need to sleep off this pain...


    ***


    I open my eyes and there it is. A picnic basket. It has to be at least two cubic feet. It''s pretty big for a picnic basket. I would open it and dig right in if that old man wasn''t the one who had given it to me. I''m fighting hunger here. That is exactly why I simply cannot win.


    I open the basket with caution. There are stacks of cutely cut and stacked sandwiches, some fruit, and those cute little hotdog octopi on top of steamed vegetables. Was this really made by my sadistic grandfather? It all looks too perfect... yet I can''t stop myself from grabbing a sandwich. I take a bite.


    If heaven could be compressed into a sandwich this would be that sandwich. What kind of sorcery is this? No, really. There is no way he made this without the assistance of magic. Whatever.


    Before I knew it I had already eaten everything in the basket. I can''t help but give words to my satisfaction, "So fucking tasty!"


    "I know your grandmother can make a mean sandwich. It''s an all natural aphrodisiac, god I love that woman." My grandfather startled me. Was he sitting behind me the entire time? Wait...


    "A-aphrodisiac?" I was tricked again! Fuck!


    "Her lovey-dovey magic is quite masterful. So, enjoy the sandwiches? Good aren''t they?" Don''t say that to me with a smile! Old pervert! You drugged me!


    "Don''t worry I''m here to suppress all the blood rushing to your little pecker. Hehehe..  I remember when I made your father try and suppress it himself to help him hone his blood magic. Good times..." I think I just saw a glimpse of the past in those beady eyes my grandfather has. It wasn''t pretty.


    ***


    It''s been a couple days since I was drugged by my grandfather and I''ve now made it a habit to arrive at the cafeteria on time. No other students are here yet so I just sit by myself at breakfast and dinner. I finish cleaning everything yesterday too. And this morning I found another pile of shit where the other one was last time. My grandfather is persistent.


    Now I wasted a good few days and I still need to move shit. I''ve opted for physical labor. A shovel is a lot more reliable than my shit magic. I guess it defeats the purpose but I don''t care.


    ***


    Three days before school starts now. Some students have been arriving but I only see them at breakfast and dinner time. I have yet to meet my roommate. I am done shoveling and spreading shit. I had worked deep into the night to finish the job. I now have three days to rest my sore shoulders on my bed. It might seem inconsiderate but I seem to have developed a habit of walking around my room naked.


    I''ll have to fix my new habit before my roommate gets here. He will probably want to kill me. Whatever, after the last few stressful days it''s nice to just let it all "hang free" I suppose. I''m scum... what do I care? Won''t kill anyone. Just me here for now anyway.


    ***


    It is around noon and the day before school starts. I''m lying on my bed, naked. I''m going to just stare at my ceiling. Having peace and quiet is the best.


    *Click-click-Creak~~~*


    Fuck the door just unlocked. It''s opening. I can''t get covers over myself in time! Standing there in the doorway is a beauty. Her busty chest, hourglass figure, and flaming red hair. She is standing there with her bags and I''m completely naked on my bed. I think it looks like I''m striking a modeling pose.


    She just ran out of the room after dropping her bags. I can hear her screaming, "Pervert! Exhibitionist! Help!" Fuck. I finally meet a girl my age and her first impression is that I''m pervert. Wait. She went to get help... Oh fuck. I''m dead. I''ll be lynched! I''m still thirteen I don''t want to be castrated!


    I can hear the voices of angry women. It''s an angry mob! They are calling out, "Off with his head!" Only I''m scared of which head they are talking about. Help me!!!!! I swear it''s a misunderstanding!


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [I Swear It''s a Misunderstanding!]

 CH 4: I Swear Its a Misunderstanding!

    Word from the author: I was having a shitty day so I put on the guise of a shitty author and wrote a shitty chapter for a shitty story about a shit mage and his shitty life. Next chapter will be out soon. Enjoy~


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    I''m sitting in my room awaiting my impending doom. I am currently trying to at least get pants on. That''s when I hear movement underneath my bed. Then I see his wrinkly old hand... Then his decrepit face, it''s the devil. He just came out from under my bed. What the fuck.


    "Quickly into the tunnels. You''re my only grandson, the family needs heirs ya'' know?" Then he just slides into the shadows underneath my bed... again, what the fuck.


    I slide myself under my bed and notice that some of the wood panels had been lifted up and slid to the side. Now here is a good question, should I follow the old bat or stay and explain myself? Why do I feel like both are horrible options. However, I do believe despite his... tendencies... my grandfather is still family. So I start sliding myself into the hole.


    Shit! Something just grabbed my ankle and is pulling me. There before my face is my grandpa, "Too slow boyo, can''t have them finding this now can we?" He slid the boards back in place so it now looks like a regular floor and he is gone. Fuck! Don''t leave me here!


    "Don''t let him get away! Who knows what kind of magic he has!" What magic I have? Shit! I have shit magic damn you! If I had a more useful magic I would''ve escaped by now!


    I feel multiple hands grabbing my legs. Now I''m out in the open, at least I have pants on this time. They flop me over. Looking down upon me are tens of deathly shadows. I think I''m going to die. In all honesty I might be able to enjoy being surrounded by a pack of females... however... considering those deathly stares I''m getting I''ll just forget about that for now.


    ***


    I''ve been bound by vines, gagged, and that redhead from before is holding a flame to my face. This situation... is just... crap. I''ve been kicked in the gut too many times now. However, those kicks hold no weight next to a kick from gramps. Speaking of gramps he is currently in front of me... asking me questions.


    "How dare you expose yourself before such an innocent young lady. And to believe you are my grandson, what do you have to say for yourself?" I would probably scream out something about how he gave me that room. I would probably tell them about the tunnel beneath the bedroom. Sadly I can''t even make a simple excuse, because I''m gagged. I''ve been hogtied and gagged.


    The redhead''s flame just got a little closer to my face. Her face is flushed red. "He molested me with his beady little eyes! Just like a wolf eyeing a fat hen." She says such unfounded accusations. Wait, beady eyes? Molested with a creepy stare. Shit! I don''t want to be like my grandfather! Anything but that! I would slam my head into the floor if I could still move! Damn it all!


    "Now now. Let''s talk this out like civilized human beings." Wait grandpa, you''re saying something wise. Maybe I should praise his wisdom. Wait, civilized? How can we have a civilized talk with me tied up like this?! I''m shaking at the injustice of it all. Come on just a bit closer flame, almost there. Just end it all. Fuck.


    The redhead just closed her hand, extinguishing the flame. Now she is holding a fist before my face.


    *the sounds of a dying man*


    "Of course headmaster." I think I hear poisoning dripping off of redhead''s words. My vision is fading. Curse it all...


    ***


    I just woke up. My hands and feet are no longer tied and I don''t have a rag stuffed in my mouth either. It''s dark and I can''t see. "Am I dead?" I give voice to a stupid question.


    Suddenly a light flips on. My grandfather is sitting in front of me in a plain chair. He''s smiling and it is currently sending shivers all over my body. He answers my question and more, "No you aren''t dead. I managed to convince them that you could never escape. All I had to do is tell them about your magic . As soon as I told them they all felt so bad for you they let you go. However, you have to make a formal apology to your roommate since you''ll be living together for the rest of the school year."


    "R-roommate..." Shit! I think I was tricked.


    "I didn''t tell you? Rooms 1 through 300 are in the other wing, the men''s dorm. Rooms 1 through 300 are for first year men but there simply wasn''t any room so I place you in our only vacancy. In room 327, rooms 301 to 600 are in the first year women''s dorm." Don''t tell me that now! And that smile! Wait, I was here before everyone else yet he still gave me that room. Scheming old man!


    I shake my head before asking a more immediate question, "Where are we?"


    "Oh, this just my play room. It''s where I keep all of my toys. Wugo turn on all the lights." He says so then one by one mana lights click on revealing... something I really don''t want to be seeing.


    This "play room" is more accurately a sex dungeon. I chains and whips. I think I''m going to die. I see tables with straps. I see special gags and things I don''t want to even know what they are. I ask grandpa out of fear, "W-Why am I here?"


    "Oh. Well you were unconscious and I needed your measurements. I figured now would be better than later." I''m not going to pry further. I really don''t want to know. I have a feeling I''ll find out either way though.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ***


    Gramps led me out of the "play room" and back into the dorms. Let''s just say I now know where those tunnels lead. There is a tunnel leading to the bottom of every bed in the women''s dorm. The old fucker is really scary, only god knows what he will do.


    Anyway it seems that for lunch gramps arranged for me to explain myself to the redhead, I just learned her name is Flara. So I am now sitting in a fairly empty office. There are two couches facing each other. Then there is a coffee table between them. I''m on one couch and Flara on the other.


    She is staring at me nervously. She just looked at me then the door. Now she has an angry expression and her face is almost the same shade of red as her hair, she is surprisingly cute. Wait, no. I have to resist! I can''t become that old pervert!


    I decided it''s time to break this awkward silence. Sadly it seems my grandpa is already on it, and I have the feeling that whatever he is going to do will lead to me losing my "head".


    "Some lunch to break this sour mood~! Here are some sandwiches and iced tea, courtesy of my wife." He winked at me with that last sentence. I''m dead! Fucking shit! This old man is going to get me killed!


    What if she gets all frisky from the aphrodisiac? The answer is, she will blame me for rape and incinerate my manhood! I don''t need these kinds of problems! I have enough problems dealing with this shit magic and all of aspects of my damned shitty life!


    Grandpa just left the platter of sandwiches on the coffee table. This is bad. Redhead is reaching for a sandwich. Only option I can think of is to slap it out of her hand.


    "Aaah! What was that for!" I think I just made her angry. However, that is within expectation.


    "Trust me. You don''t want to eat these sandwiches." I just got a flashback of my own experience with it. Let''s just say if gramps wasn''t there I would''ve probably pounced on anything that moved.


    "You can''t tell me what to do! Why would I trust you after what you did! I don''t care if you''re magic is shit, gives you no right to boss me around! Humph" Shit! Shit! Shit! She just started shoving them in her mouth! What the fuck is her problem! I gotta get out of here!


    I''m trying to open the door but it won''t budge. I hear a whisper from behind the door, it''s my grandpa, "Be sure to do it right and produce an heir because you might not be able to later! Hahahahaa..." He just walked away laughing. Damn it. I''m banging my head onto the door. I want to bust this door down but it is too fucking solid! Curse my shitty life! Curse this rotting cesspool that is the world! Curse redhead''s bad timing! Curse her stubbornness! Curse my perverted grandfather! And curse my shitty magic!!!


    I feel something rubbing against my back... it''s soft. Fuck! I don''t like being forced to do anything! I''m not some toy damn it! I turn around and see Flara. She is drooling, her knees are buckling, her face is bright red, and she is clinging to me! Stop fucking grinding on me damn you!


    Crap, my vision is red! I must resist! I don''t know what I will do! God damn you! Curse my piss poor temper! Fuck it all. I think this won''t end well.


    ***


    I just woke up. This is odd. I don''t have that heavy feeling in my chest and I''m not breathing heavy. What did I do? I look around.


    Nothing is destroyed it seems. I didn''t turn into a wild animal obviously because my clothes are still on. However, I just realized... I have Flara in a choke hold. I guess I dragged her over to the couch and knocked her out. Surprisingly good judgement despite my rage filled self.


    She is sitting on my lap. I have my right arm resting on her shoulder and my left arm is wrapped around her waist. She is using my right arm as a pillow... she is drooling. She has a sick smile on her face and is muttering things I really don''t want to hear. I don''t want to know what she is dreaming about.


    I guess I''ll just sit here and enjoy the fact a girl is using me as a body pillow. I''d rather not wake her up before the aphrodisiac wears off. This position is... tempting me. I''ll admit it. I''m scum but I would rather not have her drugged. Deep down I think forcing her and watching those tears run down her face would bring me more joy. Oh shit. I really am related to that old pervert. I can''t let him rub off on me.


    ***


    It''s been at least a couple hours. I''ve simply sitting here and no I didn''t do anything weird! Flara just started moving. She twisted herself and is looking at me. What is it now? She is obviously awake. If I have to I''ll just strangle her again. The fact that I accepted that option so easily says a lot about my character.


    I don''t know what she is thinking. She doesn''t appear to be angry. I''m going to assume she remembers how she was acting because she is giving me an odd expression. She is now hugging me tightly but it''s not like before when she was rubbing up on me. Is this a good sign? Wait she is choking me now, ow! Ow, help! I can''t breathe!


    "How dare you touch me!" Help this bitch is crazy!


    Before I lose consciousness I manage to whisper out these words, "I swear it''s a.. *choking* ...misunderstanding... *more choking*" Shit...


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [The Birth of Farmer: The Shittiest Mage]

 CH 5: The Birth of Farmer: The Shittiest Mage

    It''s the night before school starts and it appears that now I don''t have a room to sleep in. I can''t get into the room. Flara probably blocked the door. So here I am, sleeping in the school''s tool shed. It''s filled with gardening tools. It''s dusty and the floor is dirty. I don''t care, it''s better than sleeping outside and I''m afraid about what would happen if I slept somewhere else in the school. My grandfather could be anywhere. Damn I hate this shit.


    I''m laying on the dirt covered floor. I''m hugging the shovel for comfort. It''s the only reliable thing  I''ve had this entire time. It might not have feelings but after shoveling a twenty foot tall mound of shit together it feels like a best friend. To be honest I can''t even get angry anymore I''m just too tired. Anger is a tiring emotion.


    Time to sleep. I close my eyes and take in the smell of dirt and rusted metal. It says a lot when I''m more comfortable in a tool shed meant for gardening tools than inside the school itself.


    ***


    I woke up and it appears to be about 7:15 A.M., my internal clock must be running especially well. I get up, shovel in hand. I exit the tool shed. The campus is fairly empty. Some people are loitering around and talking outside. Most people are probably just waking up and heading to the cafeteria for the free breakfast.


    Some people are giving me weird looks. They probably saw me leave from the tool shed. Not to mention I''m covered in dirt and I subconsciously kept the shovel. I''m not even going to bother trying to get back into "my" bedroom because I feel that it will only bring trouble. So now my best friend, the shovel, and I are off to breakfast. On the way I passed several people to hear some interesting things.


    "Is that him? The shit mage?"


    "I heard he is a pervert?"


    "I saw him entering the tool shed to sleep because he couldn''t enter his room. All that idiot can ever be in his life is a farmer."


    I heard whispers of all these sorts while walking. Most came to the agreement that I''m a farmer. Some people even called out to me with a smile on their faces. Some shook my hand like a childhood friend. Fuck them all.


    "Yo Farmer what''s up man!? Haha..."


    "Hey look it''s Farmer!"


    "Hey Farmer I heard you like to let it all hang loose! Hahaha..."


    "Hey Farmer got your trusty shovel?! Hahaha..."


    "Hey Farmer the garden is that way!"


    I grip my shovel. I want to bash their faces in. I want to kill them all. I can hear the poison in their words. Also, it seems someone made it their mission to spread the nickname because I haven''t heard my real name once.


    I''m in the cafeteria. People are whispering when they see me walk in. I think my appearance is probably pissing them off. This is the best school in the country. These are all elites from high ranking noble houses. Then there is me who comes from one of the highest ranking noble families, yet I''m covered in dirt, my clothes are tattered, and I''m carrying a shovel. Looking at myself I can''t help but think, why Farmer? Why not something cool like Gravedigger.


    *sigh~~~* I hate this. This world is shit. These people are shit.


    I grab some food and throw it on a tray before I begin to walk away. My shovel and I will be eating in the tool shed. Class starts at 8:15 so I''ll just eat and then go there. I have Agricultural Study today. I''m seriously going to become a farmer aren''t I? This is bullshit!


    Shit! In my rage I accidentally tossed my breakfast. And plop, it landed on someone''s head. Wait, it''s redhead. Fuck. She is crying, I made her cry?


    "Why do you always to pick on me?!" She just ran out of the cafeteria all dramatic like. Wait, weren''t you the one choking me yesterday. I realize I choked you but that was to keep you from doing something you would regret! Plus you locked me out of the room! Damn it!


    I feel my entire body go cold. Shit! Those stares are telling me, "you just made a girl cry you scum." I''m screwed. Time to run. I''ve been getting better at running lately.


    ***


    My first class of year is Agricultural Study with Mr. Drames. He is a skinny older fellow. I think he is the first person not to give me a dirty look in a while. This class is in a large classroom with rows of seats going higher up than the chalkboard up front. I sit down in the front row closest to Mr. Drames. I still have my shovel but I just lay it down next to me. After seeing Mr. Drames'' non-hostile expression I say with some respect, "Good morning Mr. Drames."


    "Good morning Farmer." Fuck, even teachers are calling me that now?! It must be his doing! The image of an old devil just entered my mind.


    I plant my face firmly on the desk. I wait for class to start.


    *Ding* *Dong* *Ding~*


    The bell just rang, signaling the start of class. I look around. There are about forty people and it explains something. The reason this course doesn''t have levels is because not many take it. So about ten people per grade are in this class. There are four grades in this school. I just noticed that no one is sitting near me, whatever.


    Mr. Drames begins a lecture. It''s about soil conditions and how it can affect growth. I''m actually rather interested so I listen with a fair amount of effort. Perhaps I''m a natural born farmer?


    His lecture just ended. I look at the clock hanging on the wall. It says 11:35. It''s been a little more than three hours but I listened intently the entire time. I find this class is surprisingly enjoyable. Is it because everything else is just so shitty that it makes class time the only time I can find solace? I don''t know really.


    Class is over so Mr. Drames dismisses us. We have the rest of the day to ourselves but in all honesty I hate what is outside this classroom. So I walk up to Mr. Drames.


    "Mr. Drames I have a question, it''s about the effects of mana infusion in soil in relation to crop production..."


    ***


    Mr. Drames and I had sat and talked over lunch, his treat, about agricultural. I really did find it interesting. I think Mr. Drames was happy to have finally met a student that shares his passion. He was smiling and talking with enthusiasm the entire time. Quite an interesting guy. I also appreciated the food that for once wasn''t drugged. Plus I didn''t eat breakfast this morning so it was doubly appreciated.


    It''s already time for dinner I''m heading there now. I can''t say I''ll enjoy it really. However my trusty shovel and I are on a mission to acquire sustenance! God, I''m becoming quite an odd individual. I think talking to Mr. Drames took quite the load off of my chest though. Talking to someone who won''t try and beat me or accuse me of rape is rather refreshing.


    ***


    I managed to sneak back into my bedroom and get my luggage. It''s all now with me in the tool shed. I think this will be a long running arrangement. I''m really becoming a farmer... fuck.


    Anyway, time to sleep. I feel safe with my trusty shovel by my side.


    ***


    I had my first anatomy class yesterday. It was fucking boring. Why? I don''t know. Before coming here I thought I would hate agriculture study yet now I''m hating anatomy. I don''t know what to think anymore really.


    I''m now off to my gardening class. This class is outside in the garden. I''m quite familiar considering I sleep next to all the gardening tools. The garden is like my front yard.


    The teacher for this class is Ms. Illomen. And holy shit, she is beautiful. She is probably only twenty years old and curvy too. I shake my head. She is already giving me nasty looks. Most of this class is comprised of girls. They all probably have some sort of magic having to do with plants or flowers. That also means that they all think I''m a pervert and their magic could easily beat the shit out of me.


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    We were just assigned small plots of land within the garden. This will be my section of garden to take care of. Of course they gave me a section infested with bugs and all of the flowers are dying... but I guess it will be ok right? Right? Right!? Fuck them and their pretty little flowers! Curse their cute faces and nasty temper! Fuck!


    I just started completely plowing over and squashing all the flowers in my small plot of land. I''m literally stomping on flowers and laughing like a madman! This is fun! Fuck them all!


    I reduced my plot to simple dirt. I dug up and trampled all the flowers. I''m sure they will give nutrition to the soil. Soil... that''s right. I just remembered my talk with Mr. Drames.


    Although I can''t do something immediate I think I can outgrow all of these young ladies! Hehehe...


    I start by layering mana over my hands. The mana imploded several times. It flung dirt all over the place. I just got some ugly looks but I don''t care. Let them eat shit damn it! This reminds me of my magic. It''s different really. All I''m doing is taking mana from the world and funneling it into the dirt. It''s rather simple, not even a spell. Spells are immediate. This will take a lot of time to show its effects. How long I really don''t know.


    After funneling mana into the dirt until my back ached I pick up my shovel. I use my shovel like a flag, I shove it into the dirt like I''m claiming new territory. In the heat of the moment I shout out, "This will be my farm god damn it!"


    I got some sideways glances and chuckles but I don''t care if I make a fool of myself. I finally decided that I will become a farmer! Let them call me Farmer all they want damn it!


    ***


    I was working on my "farm" so long I missed dinner. I slept in my "farmhouse" as people have been calling it now. I just woke up and I think I''m  going to die today. Today is battle mage training. Fuck, I''m going to be slaughtered.


    ***


    I arrived at the small arena that is the "classroom" for my battle mage class. It''s a wide hole in the ground about fifteen feet deep. The teacher is... my grandfather. We are all standing in front of the hole. There has to be at least a hundred people here.


    "Ok everyone! I''m sure you all already know me but I''m headmaster Mangantaire! Today is our first day and there are exactly one-hundred of you here so let start with a friendly tournament! We will establish a ranking system for this class!" Shit, the old man''s scheming again!


    "I will decide the ranking after each fight based on your performance! You only need to fight once, so we will have fifty matches!" What is he planning?


    "I will have one person walk up and ask that a challenger fight them. Simple." He has a devious smile, I''m scared.


    The fights are starting. These people are monsters. Most already mastered their first spell so they don''t even need incantations. They also all have crazy powerful magic. I''m currently watching a fight and I can''t help but get excited like everyone else. I mean seriously, these people are monsters!


    The two fighting right now are a mechanical mage and a botanical mage so it is rather amusing. The mechanical mage''s first spell allows him to conjure up any mechanical contraption he can think of and understand in its entirety, it also can''t be any larger than himself it seems.


    He conjured up some sort of repeating crossbow. It is constantly raining down arrows on the botanical mage. However, the botanical mage just grew an entire tree to block the rain of arrows. It seems he can grow any plant he has seen before but it turns to dust after a certain time.


    They keep going back and forth. The botanical mage will try to bind the mechanical mage but the mechanical mage will create something in his mind to take care of any problem. A formidable fellow, his magic is knowledge based. Scary.


    Gramps gave them the signal to stop. "Would Flara Andrane please enter the field." Fuck, why is she here?! I must fade into the crowd... crap.


    It''s too late my body is moving on its own... blood magic. This is my grandfather''s doing! I can''t resist his control. Damn it! At least I have my trusty shovel.


    "Looks like Farmer is your challenger Flara." He just  said that with pure unadulterated amusement pouring off of his words. Fuck I''m going to die! She has fire magic but I have shit! Is this even a contest anymore?!


    I''m now standing in front of Flara in the damned hole that will be my grave. Then I realize something and shout, "I concede!" I see Flara staring daggers at me now. She thinks I challenged her only to concede.


    "No concessions. Fight. Or I could always come up with an intriguing punishment for you... Hehehe.. " Shit.


    "Never mind then..." I''m going to die.


    Come on shovel. We will fight until death together good friend. Gramps just gave the signal begin. I''m already running away. I feel something hot fly over my shoulder. Definitely flames. I can spell my burning hair! She is going to roast me alive! This damn bitch! My magic is shit you know. I can''t defend myself!


    I''m now running in circles and I think it''s pissing off Flara, she is flinging fire everywhere. I''m also getting curse by the spectators up above. What to do?! This will not end well. I''ve decided. I''m now running straight at her. Fuck! I just dodged a fireball that was aimed at my face.


    I''m now ten feet away from her.


    Come on legs! Run faster! I dodge another fireball. Crap! She is now tossing them too quickly for me to handle! What kind of crap is this! She has a fireball in each hand and can throw them within three seconds. That''s forty fireballs a minute. I can''t die here, I still have so much to do! I can''t die until I have finished tending to my farm and show them they can''t look down on me!!!


    Fuck it all! Magic is overrated!!!


    I run straight into the flames, shovel in hand.


    "Aaaaah!!!!!" I will beat you, you fucking bitch! I''ll make you cry again damn it!


    Despite my burning and charred flesh I plant the flat of my shovel onto her face! That''s right, fuck you! Good one my trusty companion! I knocked her out cold!


    I''m losing consciousness... I smell something burning... it''s me... fuck.


    ***


    I open my eyes. I think this is the infirmary. Wait my shovel where is my trusty shovel! "W-where is my..."


    A nurse comes over and shushes me. "Don''t talk, I just got done healing you. You grandfather said you would want this when you wake up, although I don''t know why..."


    She hands me... my shovel... two thirds of the wooden shaft was snapped off, the wood that is there is pretty much charcoal, the metal shovel piece is twisted and melted. I''m hugging my best friend tightly against my chest. I''m crying. I didn''t even give him a name... now is better than never I suppose. I''ll never forget your sacrifice George... I lost a reliable friend today. Rest in peace George... I''ll miss you...


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Practice... Doesn''t Always Make Perfect]


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    A moment of silence please in memory of the shovel George and his noble sacrifice...

 CH 6: Practice... Doesnt Always Make Perfect

    With George gone my life is fairly empty. Ok I''ll admit it hasn''t even been a day since George went to the big tool shed in the sky and perhaps I''m being a little melodramatic. I have decided that for George''s sake I must get stronger, I can''t let his noble sacrifice be in vain! It''s time to tackle my magic. It''s time I learn something more about magic theory, perhaps I will learn how to properly use my magic. It just so happens it''s my class for today.


    ***


    Class was just dismissed... I learned fucking shit. Absolutely nothing! Also, why is it the only classes I truly enjoy have to do with the planting of crops? Yet, I''m apparently going to become a battle mage... this is... shit. I guess only practice can make perfect. I have the rest of the day then two free days. I have to tend to my "farm" and I need fertilizer anyway. If it is for the sake of my precious plot of land I must do it!


    I''m now banging my head into the ground. I just realized how comfortable I am with being labeled as Farmer: the perverted shit mage. Fuck! Am I meant to struggle forever, to just submit like some dog?! Fucking shit! This is all just shit!


    After banging my head into the ground until it bled I''ve managed to calm myself.


    ***


    The academy had some fertilizer in one of the many storage sheds near the back of the property. I now have a bag half my size on my back. It stinks of shit and is hard to hold on my back without dropping it. Back breaking labor. I can only do it step by step but if my magic was working I could simply bring it along, no labor required. My fucking magic, others already grasped their magic. I''m starting to wonder if maybe it isn''t my magic that is shit but me...


    ***


    I''m sprawled out on the ground. My back hurts, I don''t want to move. I''m covered in sweat and dirt. Not to mention I''m beginning to smell like the shit I''ve been hauling around. The only blessing I''ve had today is that no one is bugging me. Then again I doubt anyone would get near a guy carrying a large ass bag full of shit on his back. I think my public image is just as bad as my magic, shit. Not that it really matters now.


    Time to start my training. I sit up, even if my body is in pain. I really can''t stay this weak. If I do I might honestly be disowned. Not to mention I won''t be able to hold a decent standing in the government with my magic. All the king and all of those in the hierarchy care for is strength of one''s magic. Magic is what keeps this world moving. Personally I like manual labor, probably because my magic is useless so it''s the only thing I can rely on.


    When I think about it. Even in the military all they do is march out there with their skinny bodies with nothing but robes for protection. They rely on magic for protection, they don''t need heavy armor or even things like knives because they have grimoires. I probably looked like some sort of barbarian yesterday! To actually use brute physical force rather than magic is already a sort of misconduct! I have to learn my magic or I will truly suffer.


    I sit the bag of fertilizer straight up on the ground in front of my "field" so that I can get get started. I extend my hand and close my eyes. I have my grimoire open in my right hand. I can feel my connection to the shit. I only recently discovered that since my magic has to do with shit I can sense it and in a sense form a connection with it. All of sudden some jibberish comes out of my mouth, is this the incantation?


    I just started to say the words without really thinking. The language used for incantations is rather mysterious. I thought I was saying it right before however I guess this is right?


    The mana from the world started compressing then contracting rapidly. I this supposed to happen, I can''t stop the incantation. It''s like it is coming straight from the bottom of my heart.


    *BOOM*


    Fuck. This wasn''t like last time. Last time I simply threw around some shit. This time, it disintegrated. It turned into a dusty cloud of shit. Fuck. Perhaps if I knew how I did it? Or if I rember end that incantation? I really don''t know. Magic, it''s quite an abstract thing. It does what it wants it seems... I wave my hand in anger.


    The enormous shit cloud immediately moves before lying itself atop the soil. Holy shit! I did it? I wave my hand again while thinking about it and some of the shit moves with my will. Awesome! Is this my lucky break? I can feel a large grin taking shape on my face. It was too easy I tell ya! I need more of a challenge! Hahahahaaa!


    I''m waving my hands around like a madman in my excitement. I can''t help it! This is such great news! I thought it would take longer to master the spell! This is an enormous stroke of luck!


    *Muffled Explosion* What the fuck? *Screeching of a dying animal*


    Oh shit. I''m losing control of my power! I just blew up a squirrel''s intestines... this might be a problem. The shit from its intestines is now hovering above my hand. This is fucked up. The squirrel is still squealing, it''s crawling with its forearms trying to get away. I think I might throw up. What should I do? I don''t want to do that to a person! What if I lose focus and accidentally blow up someone''s intestines?! Fucking magic! I really got what I wanted but I can''t fucking control it! Damn!


    I just lost focus and squirrel shit is now on my hand. Fuck!


    ***


    I am trying to concentrate with all of my might. I would rather not murder someone today. What the fuck is with this power? I thought it was just shit, now it is shit in a different sense. Is this how it is when my father feels with his blood magic. Wait can''t I just cut off the flow of mana?


    I cut off the flow of mana from my body that is powering the spell.


    *BOOM*


    A small flock of birds just fell from the sky. Fucking hell. Why did that not work? Maybe now that my connection with magic is so high the spell isn''t to activate the effect... rather control it? What the fuck is this shit? I''ve never heard of a problem like this before! Damn it!


    I quickly activate the spell again. I can once more see the film of mana around my body, small tendrils are reaching out towards shit. Is this thing alive?! No, I think it might just be a property of my mana... I have no fucking clue! Isn''t this supposed to just cover my hand?! This is too powerful for me, I''m just a simple farmer damn it!


    I''m now running to my grandfather''s office. I just have to breathe. Breathe. Come one breathe. I can''t lose control of my magic. I push open the door to my grandfather''s office as fast I could. He might be an old pervert but he is a sly old shit who knows a hell of a lot more than I do.


    I open the door. What in god''s name...


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    *Pleasured moans*


    I''m going to gag. I don''t want to think about what I just saw... Fuck. I have to keep calm, calm, calm. I just saw my grandfather''s naked body, keep calm? Fucking shit! Breathe damn it breathe. I quickly close the door after hearing a scream of surprise and I''m now sitting with my back against the wall clutching my knees. I''m breathing deeply to try and calm myself.


    The door opens and a young woman comes out. She has long brown hair and is wearing a short skirt and a tight shirt. Not that she had it on a couple seconds ago. The old man was just... ugh...


    The girl snorts coldly at me before stomping her feet while saying, "Don''t tell anyone what you saw!" She is now walking awkwardly away, I think she is a bit weak at the knees at the moment. Just what the fuck is running through that old man''s head?


    I hear the door open again, it''s the old devil only he has clothes on now. He is looking down at me. He is opening his mouth as if to say something, but he just closed it again. I think he can see the strange mana surrounding my body, I heard that stronger mages could see the mana flowing through pretty much everything. Now he is standing there looking at me. He has a twisted look in his eyes.


    He kicks me hard. I go flying down the hallway. Breathe, don''t get angry, breathe damn it. Now he is yelling at me, "What in the fucking hell did you do to get yourself cursed?!" Cursed... Does that mean I cursed myself to have everything near me explode into shit? A curse of being forever alone? If I did not require all of my concentration at the moment my head would already be through a wall. Actually what is stopping me from making his intestines explode! I''ll kill him damn it!


    I focus my attention on the old man. The short tendrils from before are suddenly stretching and reaching out to connect itself with the shit in the old man''s abdomen. What in the hell?


    The mana tendrils can''t enter his body. It''s like a rubber ball hitting a hard floor. Fucking hell! The mana is rebounding towards me, focus! I can''t die by my own power! Breathe! The tentacle stops around my stomach. Shit, too close. The magic rebounded and I almost killed myself... Fuck.


    "Interesting. It''s obviously a curse you cast. Otherwise it wouldn''t aim for my intestines... interesting, how very interesting. I happen to have something to fix this... well come on." The old perv motions me into his office.


    I follow him inside. I look at the desk... I can still see the young woman from earlier laid on top of it in my mind... I shake my head in an attempt to deter... corrupt... thoughts. Grandfather walks over to a sort of wardrobe and opens it. I can feel the cold air from that place. I follow him into the wardrobe and down the cobblestone steps, into the darkness.


    It''s the play room. Oh boy. My grandfather walks over towards what seems to be a pile of rags. He kicks it with a sickening force. I hear a muffled shriek. Out of the pile of wraps crawls Wugo, the hunchback man that welcomed my father and I when we arrived. I saw him down here last time but I didn''t think he slept down here... surround by all of these... toys.


    Wugo stands up awkwardly before giving a low bow, "Hello~ master~ what do you require of me~?" His method of speech just screams "kissing ass".


    "Are they done? I need them right now." Gramps is serious today... is a curse really that bad?


    "Yes master right this way, I just finished them." What are they talking about?


    Wugo leads us to a table and there they are. Awesome. Just plain awesome. Two magical robes. One is black and the other red.


    "This one is yours, take it. It should be able to seal the curse. This robe has the ability to weigh down mana. It feeds off of the wearer''s mana. It can block most projectile spells and with the hood on it allows for protection against mind control magic... this also includes aphrodisiacs... *sigh~" Why do you sound disappointed!


    "There are other features, here is the manual." This thing needs a fucking manual?! What in god''s name did you do to it?!


    Pushing some thoughts aside I pick it up. There is a sort of cape attached to the back of the robe. I see there, on the cape, is my house''s insignia. The falcon had its wings stretched and head held high despite its innards being displayed. I shake my head. Wait, woah. There are thousands upon thousands of runes. They are stitched in dark grey on the black clothe. You wouldn''t be able to tell they were runes until you look up close. Putting my hand on the cloth I could feel this strange mana covering my body dissipate. It was just swallowed by the robe.


    "You are actually damn lucky. That curse seems to be self sustaining. This means that the burden of the Vampiric Robe is virtually nothing yet you get all of it benefits." Me, lucky?


    "Still, to curse yourself. You are lucky. It seems you can at least suppress even control it. I once had a student like you who had a breakthrough. Like you he cursed himself. He was a mage who could use food magic. He was practicing a spell that made people hungry... when we found him he already ate one arm and was chewing on the other one. He died due to the weight of his arm rupturing his stomach. I''m glad you didn''t make your intestines go BOOM! Hehehe..." I think all of the blood in my body is like ice at this moment. I really am lucky... this is a first for me.


    Suddenly I realize something, "Why are there two of them?" I ask grandfather with some intrigue. There should be no reason to make my sister something like this...


    "Oh, these were going to be my wedding gifts to you and your fianc¨¦e." Don''t say that with a straight face!


    "Who?!" Shit! My life is already hard enough!


    "The king promised your father after the last war that you could marry one of his daughters. He went to talk to the king after you met with me that day a couple weeks ago. He didn''t tell you? Shouldn''t you already know her? You did bash her face in with a shovel after all." Fuck! Don''t smile at me like that! Shit!!!


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Love Is... Shit!]


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    A word from the author: Kyte is getting stronger yet his life gets no easier. Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know that not everyone who reads this will respond however I need YOUR help! Do me a favor and post some ideas for strange magic you would like to see later in the story. I may use your suggestions also I love to hear from fellow weirdos(if you were normal you wouldn''t have read this far, don''t lie to yourself)! Anyway next chapter will be soon~ have a shitty day~! :)

 CH 7: Love Is... Shit!

    *BANG*


    *BANG*


    *BANG*


    *BANG*


    "Shit!!!" My forehead is bloody. In my rage I smashed my head into the wall. They arranged a marriage without telling me! I''m so stupid! Flara Andrane, Andrane is the name of those from the royal family! How could I be so... just... shit.


    Not only does she hate me, she is my fianc¨¦e and a princess... I bashed her face in... I might end up beheaded! This is... shit!


    "Jeez boyo, calm down. All you need to do to win her heart and keep your head is dominate her. Women are simple. They aren''t so scary." This isn''t going to go well...


    ***


    It was several hours ago my grandfather convinced me to win Flara''s heart via domination... I figured my grandfather was an expert in those kinds of things...


    Why am I the one tied to the bed! Let me out of here. I can''t move! I''m tied to the bed! Flara is standing over me... dressed in tight leather... she is holding a whip. Fuck.


    I don''t even really know how it ended up this way to begin with... it just did. Her face is perfectly fine though, it seems there is nothing a little magic can''t fix. Thinking that makes me feel worse! Nothing magic can''t fix?! What about this twisted situation!


    "You know you don''t have to do this... actually... mind telling me what is going on here... seriously... I already apologized... untie me... please..." I''m now trying to worm my way out of this situation using words since magic won''t help. And my curse is sealed thanks to the robe I''m wearing. Fuck.


    "Don''t talk. This is your punishment." She looks pissed.


    She walks over to a dresser and opens a drawer. She is holding... a pair of her underwear... um... I''m confused. Help...


    She is walking over to me. "Just shut up." She now is leaning over... I can''t get away! She opens my mouth with both her hands and kisses me... I can feel her tongue inside my mouth... I don''t know what is going on anymore.


    Fuck. She just shoved her underwear into my open mouth. I''ve been gagged! If only she wasn''t so sexy... I''m fighting the fact I''m enjoying this, if only little, at the moment. Fuck.


    She wipes a string of spit off of her mouth. "That was my first kiss. You took it from me. *cracking of whip*" I''m dead. I''m going to die. What did I do to deserve this?!


    She strangled me for touching her... now she kisses me and blames me for it! This is injustice damn it! I look over at the other bed because I simply give up... he is there... damn you! You did this didn''t you!


    My grandfather is under the other bed and he is holding a memory stone... it records the memory of whatever the user is viewing at the time. Blackmail! He is going to use that video to blackmail me! Damn you, old fucker!


    Flara just took out some small candles, half an inch tall. Suddenly she presses a marking on my robe right over my heart. My robe suddenly moves on its own... it is now only covering my lower half. How? Wait! He told her about my robe''s functions! They were planning this!


    She just turned off the mana lamp... it''s dark. I can''t see...


    She lights the candles with her fire magic. She just placed them on my chest... there are about a dozen small candles on my bare chest... Help me... She is preparing her whip... and extra rope...


    I have to get out of this somehow... I could use that spell... I don''t know if it will work... but considering my curse, I might accidentally kill her if they have the same power. I activate the spell to manipulate shit, it''s a risk I must take.


    *low grumble~*


    "I''ll be right back, I have to visit the little girls room~!" Don''t gimme that cute act! All my magic could do was upset your stomach... fuck. Even after mastering it this is all huh... I don''t know what I''m complaining about or what I even expected really.


    She swiftly left the room and closed the door behind her. I tug on the ropes with all the strength in my arms and shoulders. Come on! I only have so much time! Fuck. I''m going to be roasted!


    Some of the candles fell off my chest, setting the bed sheets ablaze. I''m going to seriously die like this? Tied to a bed and cooked to death as my grandfather watches while filming the whole thing? Damn. My rage is taking over! Fuck this whole situation! Fuck everyone and everything. I can''t die in such a pathetic manner! I must control my anger, I have to stay conscious.


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    *crack*


    The flames are licking my side when I hear the sound of victory. The bed frame is cracking. I give it some more force, I can feel the rope digging into my wrists. Come on damn you!


    *SNAP*


    I broke the bedposts. My arms are free. I''m now untying my ankles. These flames are burning me damn it! I''m now standing next to the bed. I untie my wrists. I spit out the gag. Her underwear is surprisingly soft... wait, enough of that for now!


    "Hey old fart I know you are there, you have a water stone don''t you?" In response I heard the sound something smooth sliding across the floor. I pick it up. Crazy old man. I pour water all over the bed. Now the fire is out and I have to escape.


    I try to crawl under the bed however the entrance is closed, my grandfather is gone, and it''s locked. Damn him.


    Should I hide? Should I try to run? Shit! I took too long.


    I can hear the door opening, and it''s dark. I hide myself in the dark corner near the door. The door opens.


    She turns her head in confusion before turning on a mana lamp. "Darn it! How did he get away! Humph!" She is now stomping in anger. This is my chance!


    I sneak up behind her and put her into a choke hold. Hehehe... she is clawing at my arm, she has no sense to use her magic she is so panicked, I can her tears. She must be so confused about how this happened. She just lost consciousness. I''m holding her limp body in my arm. I lay her down on the bed that wasn''t set on fire. I''m turning to leave. I see the rope and whip she was prepping before...


    I look at her sleeping face... her blazing red hair... her stunning figure... And her flesh is being tightly squeezed by that leather outfit. This is... quite the dilemma... I can still hear the old man''s words... "all you need to do to win her heart and keep your head is dominate her." I really want to keep my head... I pick up the rope. It is time to let myself go for once I suppose.


    ***


    I had started venting my frustrations on Flara a couple hours ago. She is now tied up, albeit not as skillfully as gramps but whatever. She has her limbs tied to the bedposts. The leftover rope is squeezing her curves. She looks... sexy.


    She woke up about fifteen minutes ago, furious. A fiery girl. However, I seriously couldn''t control myself. I think being like my grandfather might not... wait... what am I thinking. Ah, too late now, I already tied her up. I put a blindfold on her to boot. What now... I''m just kind of sitting here looking at her... I''m scum. I''m nothing more than shit aren''t I? At the moment Flara is just lying there... tears running down her cheeks... I thought this would be more enjoyable...


    Is it because I''m not heartless? Am I simply meant to suffer and never return the favor? Her fearful expression is breaking my heart. I am now next to her. I''m laying down at her side and embracing her. I want to comfort her... I don''t know why. Is this love? I don''t think so.


    She is startles and cries out a little. I whisper into her ear gently, "I''m sorry..."


    I get up and grab a small knife, meant to open letters. I slide down the blindfold. Her scarlet eyes are sparkling with tears. Beautiful. Out of the heat of the moment I kiss her gently on the lips. "Now we are even. You went and stole a kiss from me." I swiftly cut the rope binding her arms and leave her with those words.


    Walking down the hallway I can''t help but think about what love really is. Is it a connection with another person? Probably. Is it irreplaceable? I doubt it. Is it difficult to handle? Not quite sure. Is love just a load of shit people feed you to make you think that they are happy? I think I have found my answer. Love is... shit!


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Living A Life That Revolves Around Shit]


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    Word from the author: Sorry, short chapter. This chapter and last one are pretty much just build up because I would like to have a plot. Not much to say really. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Or not I guess that''s ok too, just kidding if you didn''t like this then fuck you... just kidding? ;)

 CH 8: Living A Life That Revolves Around Shit

    It''s the start of a new week. I personally can''t wait to see Mr. Drames. He is an interesting fellow. I don''t know why but I feel like it''s because he was tormented in the past for his interest in agriculture. I can kind of connect with such a person. Thinking of his pain makes me realize my own. I''ve experienced so many different forms pain in the short time have been here it is getting more and more tempting to simply end it. However, I feel that even if I tried to die my grandfather would never let me off so easily.


    Speaking of pain... it is first thing in the morning yet I feel something digging into my side. I''m lying down on the dry rotted wooden floor of the shed, so it is likely some sort of tool. Wait, is that mumbling? I turn my head.


    Why is she here? I honestly can''t comprehend what I am seeing. It''s Flara. She is curled up into a ball next to me, naked, and is kicking me in her sleep while rambling on about something. I wonder what she is dreaming about. However, my real question for her would be something along the lines of why are you here, and why are you naked. This is... um, yea... I turn my head away. I will be the first to admit it''s not the worst thing I could see after waking up in the morning. However, after last night I truly don''t know what thoughts might be prancing about in her head and knowing myself I might not have the same resolve as last night if I keep looking at her vulnerable... naked form.


    I shake my head in an attempt to purge myself of "impure" thoughts. It didn''t quite work but I''m not fazed by such thoughts considering what I experience last night. At least I''m unfazed until I stand up and see her body lying at my feet. Some relatively... twisted... thoughts flash through my mind. My imagination is running wild. Tears. I remember her tears and her silence, a certain sort acceptance that comes at a price is what I felt radiating from her last night at that moment and knowing what she was feeling made me want to draw a line. My thoughts stop.


    I go to slam my head into the wall but it just rests there. I sit with my forehead against the wall of the shed not knowing how to feel.


    I take a deep breathe that seems to take all of these stupid subtle emotions and throw them to the wind, far away from me. I stretch my limbs and grab some clothes from one of my luggage bags. I begin taking off my clothes without thinking, it''s the kind of thing that becomes habit when you are used to being alone.


    "Ah!" I turn when I hear the little yelp. Oh, I guess she woke up. I''m now just standing there naked looking down at her. Her face is bright red and she is covering her eyes. Should I cover my eyes too? She is naked after all. The thoughts are back again... This is quite the conundrum now isn''t it... my dog is barking, how embarrassing.


    I turn back around to finish getting dressed before this gets even more awkward. I think I just saw her peek between her fingers but I''ll pretend I didn''t see that.


    *Bang*


    Fuck. She surprised me when she jumped on my back. I fell over, crashing into the wall and knocking over some tools. I can feel her peaks against my bareback. This is way too much for me to handle! Someone can only take so much of this shit! I''m now slamming my head into the floor trying to keep myself from doing anything I''ll regret.


    "Stop." She put her hand over my forehead to keep me from hitting it. I stop. I can feel her wet tears rolling down my back. I have the urge to flip myself over and hug her but I fight it. Perhaps it''s because she was a cause of various misfortunes I have suffered this week or the fact she plotted with my grandfather but I keep coming to this sort of conflict. At first I wanted to get some sort of revenge but I feel that I buried my malice along with George. I honestly don''t want to hurt her. So many conflicting emotions and ideas are fighting in my head it''s hard to choose a side. I feel it''s time to let go of our past differences, there is no reason to continue over such petty grievances.


    Perhaps being nearly killed by a mob of women, choked half to death, being roasted along with my best friend, and being tied to a bed aren''t petty to another person but it really is all my fault isn''t it? It was my choice to keep my habit of being naked in my room when I knew it might cause some trouble and who asked me to dive into a sea of flames or listen to my grandfather''s suggestion? I''m at fault. I created my own problems to begin with. I think stopping myself last night might have been the wisest choice in my entire short life.


    I can''t let others push me around or coerce me into this shit. I might be young but that just means I have more time to start making better decisions. That is what I will do. I will work to become something I''m not, I suppose. I''m shit but I will work myself into gold. I suppose even a dirty farmer can become a white knight right? I truly want to denounce such thoughts and say it''s impossible no matter how I try. Then what is the point, should I give up? No, I still have to get stronger and become a better man than the one true devil in this world... my grandfather. Then I''m going to kick his wrinkly old ass!


    I take a deep breathe after this long strain of thought. I will strive to become a paladin. I can still remember my mother''s stories when I was little. They are so memorable because those are the only times my mother would talk to me as a child other than for formal occasions. She told me stories of paladins. They were mages only they wielded barbaric weapons, swords, and wore heavy armor. They are regarded in history as being barbaric yet wholly influential to society as we know it today. My mother to be completely honest would always bad mouth them and referred to them as "fools".


    However, when I was small I read books from our library when I discovered a biography about one of my ancestors, a paladin. He was a grand mage who was said to have been one of the most righteous men under the sun. The book was dusty and forgotten but it told of his various exploits. It also told of his style of fighting. He had found a way to combine magic and sword. However the pages that described how were torn out and as a child I held no true thought towards it. I was simply curious and alone with nothing to do. It is quite funny now that I think about it. I now know what I want to be however how is one righteous when they have a naked woman on top of them? Between smothering my empathy for others or embracing it I have chosen to embrace it for now.


    I turn myself awkwardly underneath Flara. So she is now sitting on my knees. I try to ignore the fact that we are both naked and our positioning is rather... crude. I hug her and whisper apologies into her ear. Why am I crying? I don''t believe in love. I don''t believe that human kindness is in abundance. I do believe that kindness is almost never repaid. Then why am I being kind to her even I think I may never get the same in return? Why do I care about her so much? Is this what it means to love someone? I wouldn''t know because I''ve never felt it and I have already decided that love is shit, so why?


    In the midst of our extremely awkward emotional crying session a pole rises between us. Seriously though, I didn''t mean to break the moment it just kind of rose up on its own. I''m trying to ignore the fact I can feel my "dog" nipping at her stomach. This is...


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    *slap*


    She slapped me and is now standing up holding her head, her face is even more red than before. Oh my... and I thought the serious emotional moment could last.


    ***


    Walking out of the shed earlier was quite... interesting. Quite a few people whispering, finding out a princess slept in the same place as a dirty little scumbag is hot news. They didn''t know she slept next to me naked but I think they believe we went further than simply being naked. Flara really thinks nothing through. After she had slapped me we both put on clothes before talking about different things... turns out she wanted to "make up" for the trouble she caused me last night so she had asked my grandfather what to do. My hands get shaky thinking of the day I can finally kick his wrinkly old arse to dust.


    I really don''t blame her, my grandfather has a sort of charisma that makes people go along with his suggestions. I myself have fallen victim.


    After talking to her for a while I kind of get the sense that she is actually a fairly lonely person. She is one of thirteen princesses after all and thinking about it, others rarely approach her. Looking at her figure now I realize in everything she does it portrays this sort of delicate and empty loneliness. I had once thought her character fiery and intense only now I realize she is like a rising flame burning the wick too fast and flickers with a light breeze, one day that flame will burn to the root or that wind will be gone... only leaving a puff of smoke and a hollow shell of a person.


    Realizing someone else''s loneliness sometimes makes our own more apparent I suppose. I had never really thought of myself as lonely, servants were always nearby and we talked. However, we only talked our small talk and formalities. I don''t think I have ever had a full conversation with anyone in my family unless it was a formal occasion and even then it was all hollow and meaningless. I am alone. No, I was alone. I guess two lonely people can find comfort in each other''s emptiness, I renounce my previous statement¡ªthis is what love is. It might still be shit and not extravagant as others might try and tell you. However, if this love is shit then let my life revolve around it, this shitty thing that is love.


    I turn my head and stare at Flara whose eyes are closed and she is using my shoulder as a pillow. I realize that if none of this crazy stuff had happened between her and I may have never come to a conclusion about what I want to do with my life. I stuff some fancy pancy breakfast into my mouth as I can''t help but grin at my own thoughts, and other people''s thoughts.


    "Tch, How can a guy like THAT get a girl like HER!" I think I''ve heard so many comments like this dripping with envy I kind of want to laugh at them and tell them that if they had simply approached her she would likely given in to any of their demands. Only it''s too late for such people, I will protect her even if she decides to rid herself of me one day. Feeling her warmth I can''t help but think such things in response.


    "You know don''t you think they oddly enough look super cute together?" To be honest the girl talk has got be my favorite. Don''t let girls fool you. They are like spies. They have a multilevel web of connections.


    Ignoring the surrounding strings of gossip I finish my breakfast with Flara leaning on me the entire time. I nudge her a little before telling her softly, "It''s almost time for class, we should go. Everyone else is already pretty much gone." The cafeteria was relatively empty. She opens her eyes and looks up at me. She yawns and stretches her limbs like a cat. I get up and she gets up too. We both walk together. She intertwined her hand with mine, I resisted a little at first but her fierce little hand gripped mine until it was red so I stopped. We come to where we must split ways.


    "Have a good day..." We kind of hesitate, this is new for us. However, our heads slowly inch together before I lips meet. This kiss was totally different from ours before. Last time it was forced. This kiss was short lived yet passionate.


    Walking our separate ways I feel different. I realize how much I have changed. I don''t know how to feel. Things are getting better I believe, they have to be.


    ***


    Running through the motions of the week, it was relatively all plain. However, now that Flara and I have found mutual feelings my life seems less dark. My talk with Mr. Drames was interesting but I''ve found it lacks the same meaning as when I talk to Flara now. Battle Mage class was surprisingly easy, my grandfather had somewhere to be so the class was canceled so I guess I can definitely say it was an easy day.


    I had been dismissed from Magic Theory earlier so now Flara and I are both in front of our "home" as we have come to call that rundown shed. We are both planting some food and vegetables in the "farm" and it''s quite the joyful experience. From time to time we mess something up, fling some dirt, or just flat out start laughing. A nobleman and a princess planting crops on a farm. Quite the comedic thought.


    I hear heavy steps that seem almost rhythmic. There are around twenty of them. They are wearing gaudy silver robes. They are wearing the crest of the royal family, a scroll bound in chains. They are likely soldiers under the king''s command because only those under his direct orders can wear that mark. They form a tight circle before one man steps forward and reads it, the decree. "Under the decree of his majesty Charles Andrane the fifth, Kyte Mangantaire of the noble house of Mangantaire and Seventh Princess Flara Andrane of the Royal family of Andrane are to be taken into custody to prevent any further "tainting" of the princess in question until the dispute over marriage rights is settled in the form of a respectable contest of strength." The decree suddenly bursts into smoke that binds both Flara and I.


    We are struggling but we can''t resist the king''s decree. Fuck! Fucking hell! Tainting? Tainting! She was feeling alone! Now that we''ve both felt warmth it''s going to possibly be taken from her and I?! Fucking Shit! I can see her crying and it''s breaking my heart. I stop struggling, there is no use. I will simply have to make sure I marry her I guess. For some this might be too quick but I don''t want her to cry and I want to be there to comfort her, to wipe away her tears.


    I raise my head as I let out my last bit of resistance in the form of a shout, "Shit! You are all fucking shitheads, fuck you and the decree!!!!" I am feeling woozy, this is a spell. I resist the temptation close my eyes. Flara is across from me, we both fall over. Our eyes meet. Then our eyes close.


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [The Fat Pig And His Damned Decree]


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    I bet this chapter may have been a little too serious. A little too all over the place. A little too ridiculous. A little too cliffhangery. But yea this was an interesting chapter for me to write. I''m a whimsical person so it just kind of "happened". Tell me what you thought. I know this chapter wasn''t too hilarious and more lovey dovey shit but eh. I write what I want.

 CH 9: The Fat Pig And His Damned Decree

    I''m awake. I''m lying in a dark place where only torch lights are occasional cast on my face, momentarily blinding me, when guards walk by. This place is quiet and more so lonely.


    I realize that Flara and I really only started our relationship a week ago but when you feel lonely you can''t help crave a connection with another person. To be honest we had yet to anything more than kiss or hug each other... because although physical connection is something we crave I think we both realized we hardly knew each other. That is why we simply talked and talked and we laughed as well as smiled. I can say that in my entire life the past week I''ve felt more complete than I have my entire life.


    Finding someone who shares your pain is a beautiful thing and a hard thing to find in the pile of shit that is the world. And for me I feel that she completes me. I am young and a fool but I don''t care if the biggest piece of shit in the world it won''t change how I''m feeling at this moment without her. Without her here I''m simply alone and hollow.


    *clink¡ªclink*


    It has been however many days and I finally hear the sound of the lock. I squint my eyes due to the torch light. I''m grabbed from my cell and pushed down the narrow corridor. The smell of death pervades over all of my other senses, I''m lightheaded at the moment. My body feels like lead. My feet anchors me here despite my wish to leave this place. I want be angry yet my body and mind are sluggish.


    ***


    I''m now standing before a throne. On that throne sits a rather... "heavy-set" man. His nose takes up a good part of his face but it''s smashed, like a pig''s. A pig is right. This fat bastard of a king has so many rolls of fat it makes me gag. His face and body is aged. This king is 153 years old. His fat rolls are covered in disgusting wrinkles! This man wants to ruin my life, a fat bastard of a king! Yet I know... that no matter much I struggle I cannot resist the Royal Decree.


    It is the strongest known grimoire. Or perhaps I should call it an artifact? It is a grimoire that can be passed on. No one is born with the Royal Decree. From what I know when the king dies, based on whom he chooses, the Decree will swallow their grimoire and form a connection with them. The Decree is an all powerful grimoire that is passed down a family line. This is the reason why the kingdom can rule over the entirety of this continent.


    It is also the reason I cannot resist. The will of the king is equal to the will of god.


    I am kneeling before this fat piece of shit. It makes me furious inside but I have to endure. I can''t do anything to get me killed before I sort this out. I need to comfort Flara, for all I know she could be somewhere in this castle crying. I can''t let her cry.


    "Your majesty I present Kyte Mangantaire of house Mangantaire." The voice of the man who led me in echoed throughout the hall. Only now do I realize how I realize how large this hall is. It is adorned in crystals and marble. Paintings of kings and their glory. Yet in all of the hall''s opulence it feels so empty and meaningless to me.


    The king looks down upon me. He puts his stubby hand to his fat chin with a certain arrogance that shows in his beady eyes. Something about that look pisses me off, he is looking down on me like I am nothing more than dirt¡ªnothing more than shit. "So you are the one messing around with my daughter? I normally wouldn''t mind since I have thirteen of them. However, it seems she is a popular choice for the three great families." The Mangantaire is one of three great noble families.


    The three great noble families each rule over a third of the continent with their power having been allocated by the king. My Mangantaire family rules the southern third. The Kumar family rules over the northeastern third. The Welting family rules over the northwestern third. All three families then allocate their own land to lesser nobles to better rule so it forms three factions within the kingdom with the royal family standing over them all as a commanding voice. This system has lasted for the last several thousand years thanks to the domineering control of the Andrane family and its Royal Decree.


    From the king''s words that means that the one I will have to fight with someone from the other two families for the right to marry Flara. This bullshit.


    "Meet your rival in love, Gauren Welting." I think I hear him snickering as he says this but I can''t tell because his fat lips make it sound more like a snort. Fucking pig face.


    I can hear the tapping of boots on the marble floor behind me. I turn my head to see him. He has blonde hair and bright green eyes. He is tall and skinny, like a walking skeleton. He is wearing a tidy blue and silver robe. When his eyes meet mine he sneers. I was locked up... yet this guy looks like he just went to a powder room. My eyes harden. I don''t know what he sees in my eyes but he startles slightly and his sneer erodes. I look back at the king.


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    I think he noticed my realization because he says, "You were sentenced to punishment for attempting to taint my daughter before you had yet to be formally betrothed." Then he says something more startling. "While we are on this subject, bring him in!" My grandfather walks in, he is bound in chains. The chains are glowing with runes. My grandfather is... beaten and bruised. I want to be happy seeing this but something about how my grandfather is holding himself makes me feel... sick inside.


    The king pulls out a golden scroll and unrolls it. "Kyte Mangantaire by my decree you are to answer all of my questions truthfully and to the best of your ability until I tell you to stop." A golden light shines from the decree and I can feel it piercing my mind. I give a forced nod in response to the king, the pain inside my head at the moment is too much for me to give a complex response.


    "Did this man, your grandfather, place you and my daughter in the same dorm room at the Royal Arkler Academy?"


    Something inside my mind forces me to respond despite my resistance, "Yes your majesty."


    "Does your grandfather condone sexual activities on academy grounds?"


    Fucking hell. "Yes... and he himself partakes in these... activities..."


    "Did your grandfather try and coerce you and my daughter into partaking in sexual acts?"


    I try to resist this answer but the reality is, "Yes."


    "Did you know about this dispute over marriage rights?"


    "No." If I did I might not be in this mess.


    The kings wrinkles crinkle in thought. "Did you take my daughter''s purity?"


    This question startles me into a coughing fit. "*coughing* No your majesty."


    "This makes things easier now doesn''t it. Gauren you heard him, he didn''t touch her." The king gets up from his throne and walks towards my grandfather who is on his knees bound in chains and gagged. The gag is there to prevent stronger magic that require incantations. "Well old friend it seems you truly didn''t lie. Like you said, you are as guilty as charged." The king unfurls his golden scroll once more only this time chains pour out from the paper. An intense pressure fills the room. "With the power invested to me by the almighty god I hereby sentence you to death. The crime is going against the wishes of the king. I permit you final words before you die."


    My heart is feeling heavy yet I don''t know why. It''s this vague feeling that if my grandfather was to die I would lose something important. My grandfather''s gag turns to ash, he faces the ceiling but his eyes look as if they are looking past the ceiling and piercing the heavens. "I want my grandson to know I loved him. I want my son to stop being so serious... There are things I wish I could have changed but they had become habits in my old age... *mumbling*" my grandfather suddenly put his head down and is mumbling something incoherent. The mana in the room... it''s fluctuating. The king''s face scrunches up as he says the simple commanding phrase, "Die."


    "No!" Before I knew it I was running towards my grandfather. I don''t know why. I feel my insides hurting from this vague feeling.


    The silver chains pour out of the decree. They twist and bind my grandfather''s body. They tighten and crush his body. They suddenly emit a bright light. *Poof...* A bloody mist coats my face. The chains recede leaving nothing but a pool of blood. I don''t know why but I''m on my hands and knees... this indescribably horrid feeling inside... I want to tear it out of my chest... instead I get tears. My hands and face are covered in his blood


    I hear the king''s heavy steps going up to his throne but I don''t look... all I can see is my grandfather''s blood. My tears cloud my eyes. I feel defeated and kind of angry.


    "We are done here for now, I will call for you both later. Someone please take the crier elsewhere!" I hardly hear these words.


    I''m being dragged from behind. I let my body be dragged from the hall but in my rage I left the king with these words, "How dare you! How dare you kill him before I could kick his wrinkly old ass! Damn you!"


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [I Will Make Them All Eat Shit]


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    This chapter was short but incredibly important. Some more information about the world. The death of everyone''s favorite perverted grandfather. This is where things get tricky you see. I have several paths forward I could take from here that I have been trying to decide on. I have a lot to do this weekend so I''m going to live my life then come back and see what happens. As I said, I''m a whimsical person.

 CH 10: I Will Make Them All Eat Shit

    I have lost track of time in the midst of this dark hole. I miss that warmth already. Now all I can feel is the stickiness on my hands and face from the dried blood. My grandfather''s blood. My entire face and hands itch... I want to tear at my face and hands until they bleed. Just to make this feeling go away. I feel so... cold. I have no room for any real thought while dwelling on this feeling. I''m still in a daze... I feel nothing... I see nothing... I hear... nothing. I feel so empty sitting here, I feel helpless. I feel worthless. I remember the king''s eyes. I''m nothing more than shit.


    I hug my knees tightly and cry silently. I have no more room for thoughts anymore, just emotion. I let my mind drift... My eyes close but it makes no difference to the dark.


    *^*


    A chair. I''m sitting in that old wooden chair. I can still feel everything. I was younger then. My hands feel so stubby. One of my servants is reading from a book. This was before I could read. "Young master are you sure you want me to read this? This is an old poem written by... Clark Mangantaire... a paladin..." I nod my small head.


    "I can hear my lingering breaths,


    A chorus that''s boiling my blood,


    A raging and berserking song,


    The pounding of my beating heart,


    It echoes through an endless dark."


    The room almost seems to break away. I can see flashes of a man. In a black cloak holding a sword. I can hear the pounding of his heart before he matches into a horde of enemies. I hold my ears because I can''t stop this nagging in the back of my head but the poem is still being read, crisply and clearly.


    "We ran blindly through the dark,


    No stopping for refreshing breath.


    This rage is something not my own,


    It twines itself within my blood,


    It stirs my ever sleeping heart,


    I can hear its resounding song.


    The scenery changes again. The same man is cutting down men with his sword. He is smiling. The pounding in my head gets louder... and heavier. I feel like I''m being struck...


    "This spirit''s soul, a dying song,


    Is ever lost in endless dark.


    The sadness tearing at my heart,


    It steals away my dying breaths.


    My lonely tears becoming blood,


    And they are none except my own."


    Suddenly the man collapses to his knees in a pool of blood. Like all of the lives he had taken are weighing him down. He is alone surrounded by pools of blood. This pounding... in my head... make it stop!


    "With these melodies none can own,


    We will construct a corrupt song,


    Accented by a veil of blood,


    In hope of scattering the dark,


    And circumventing ghastly breath,


    Constructing a tenacious heart."


    These images... the man... his face seems almost older. He is being congratulated. He''s staring blankly at playing children... at a flag being raised... yet he continues to fight. The pounding is calming in my mind...


    "The beat is dying with my heart,


    This pain is nothing but my own.


    O'' with an agonizing breath,


    I sing a last berserking song.


    I march on blind, into the dark,


    Despite the ever pouring blood."


    The pounding in head is gone... the man... I don''t know why but... I can understand. He is still fighting... for something he doesn''t believe in.


    "My body caked in drying blood,


    Displays my ever beating heart,


    As it echoes throughout the dark.


    The sound is twisting on its own,


    It''s stringing together a song,


    Between it''s each erratic breath."


    The man... he is covered in blood. He is clawing at himself in his sleep. My chest is hurting...


    "My breath resounds throughout my blood.


    The song thrumming in my heart,


    Is but my own and ever dark."


    I can feel it... his regret.


    *^*


    I startle awake. The air in my lungs is heavy in my chest. What was that dream? That poem... I remember it. The title was A Fanatic''s Lost Dream. Why did I remember it now? What were those images flashing about my dream... I don''t know. I just have to focus on getting out of this place for now.


    ***


    "It is time." Says the creepy guard with his face covered by the hood of his silver cloak.


    I get up and am led once more before the pig. I guess we walked in at the wrong time, or maybe he simply likes to show off his dolls, because one was ''lounging'' about on his fat stomach like a damned waterbed. When the door open she covered herself up and sneakily left through a side door in the hall. I heard her moans before we even came in... I suppose it may not have been a lie when the king called my grandfather "old friend"... right before he killed him... mercilessly... and without pardon. "Old friend" my ass.


    I''m rather irritable and not myself at the moment. I''m guessing locking someone in a stinking cage with nothing but the dark and the rats to keep them company does that to a person. My anger lately had been quite tame... I think the jolly ol'' king fixed that fucking problem. I really don''t know what I''m feeling at this moment... I don''t even know how to feel in this moment kneeling before man that ruined a start to what I thought would be a happy life... am I not allowed happiness?


    I take a deep breath in an attempt to purge all of these... foul... emotions welling up in my chest. It doesn''t work to well but the air is more fresh here than in that place filled with rot. The clean air helps stir the fog clouding my mind. I have to focus on what to do next.


    I hear Gauren Welting and the tapping of his fancy little boots as he walks to my side. He kneels. He looks towards me slightly and grins at my dirty clothes that smell of death. I think he especially smiled when noticed the dried blood on my hands and face. I want him to eat his teeth at this moment... I want to make him eat shit.


    The king probably noticed this exchange because his deformed face scrunched into what I believe was a smile. Was that just a smile? I can''t tell right now because I''m still kneeling, head slightly lowered, so far beneath him...


    He rubs his greasy hands together before chuckling as he says, "Well well... quite the fighting spirit you two. It''s early in the morning but a love a good show." He then waves to some men at the side a wall. "Strip them. I don''t want them using any magical artifacts to spoil the fun. Especially him! The robe he is wearing was likely a gift from his grandfather, I can feel the mana rolling off of it." He points to me.


    At least we are both equal in this fact. We are both being stripped of all items but our grimoire. When we are both naked from head to toes, and it''s all hanging free, we were handed some plain white robes. We turn to face the pig king. His face is scrunched and he is rubbing his chin while looking at me. I think he noticed my curse... or rather I should start calling it a blessing. Although at the moment I have to keep calm to keep this thing under my control.


    *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP*


    "Interesting... Interesting... Let them in!" The king''s ivory white teeth are displayed in his shit eating grin. He claps... he says these words... the door opens.


    First seven young men ranging from about thirty to ten walk in before taking their seats, that had been previously set by servants, at the side of the great hall. Next come in thirteen young women ranging from about late twenties to a small three year old. One of them was Flara... her eyes looked a little red and puffy... she was crying. She is wearing a red dress long enough to cover her ankles. Between her strides I catch a glimpse of a bruise on her leg. I''ll kill them.


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    In the midst of my seething rage I calm at the king''s words, "Well my sons and daughters I called you here today to bear witness to the duel. This duel will decide to whom your sister, Flara, is to marry. I expect a good show... Put up the mana barrier." He pointed to a man in a corner of the room who flipped some sort of lever. The symbols... on the floor... they are glowing intensely with mana as a large barrier of the relatively clear stuff surrounds us. It''s a magical array. I don''t think I''ve ever seen one this large. I tap it in curiosity. It stings my fingertips.


    "Alright boys of the great families. Begin." The king waves his hand in a bored fashion while telling us to begin.


    "*mumbling incomprehensible gibberish*" It seems my rival is starting.


    He finished his incantation in an instant...


    Fuck! This is bad. Why this magic? I think he is a sort of water/light mage... he is going to use illusions. The barrier is already so filled with fog that I can hardly see... but I can see shadows moving about the mist.


    "Over here..."


    "This way..."


    The voices are all around me... in the fog. I can see flashes of shadows here and there but nothing. This isn''t even the hall anymore. I''m thinking... trying to keep my head on tight as the voices twirl about me... it''s unnerving... not seeing them that is.


    Suddenly light floods into fog. It refracts off each droplet in the air forming a blinding light. I close my eyes. I''m just standing here like a damned fool. Wait. In that moment I lost control over my curse. I can feel my connection to shit. He is to my left. I will the tentacles to latch onto the shit lying in his intestines. I don''t need eyes to feel it... how strange. My curse to anyone else would probably kill any living creature near them... but due to my magic I can control it, with effort.


    I hear swishing sounds of rolling fog but I ignore it. I don''t want kill him so easily so I have to focus. I control the shit in his intestines to go up. The fog starts to dissipate showing a disgusting sight. I am still controlling it to snake up his intestines. I''m reversing his digestive system. He is now on the marble floor. I think I heard some of the princess'' scream.


    You can see a bulge snaking it''s way up his stomach. He is clutching it and crying out. I smile, I don''t know why but his pain is bringing me quite the joy. I make the snake of shit squirm up into his stomach. By now he was already coughing up blood and half digested food. Now here comes the long train of shit, out his mouth. As this happens I laugh. It was too simple. He is already dead.


    "Hahahahahahahahaa! Eat shit you Welting bastard!"


    I take a deep breath to calm myself. I retracted my control. The shit splatters onto the king''s once pristine marble floor. I look at Flara. She has a hand over her mouth and is crying. I think I scared her. My joy is turning rather sour.


    "Get me out of here. Give me back my cloak!" I''m not often one to make demands but this is a different matter.


    ***


    It has been a few hours since the fight. Or perhaps I should call it a slaughter. I killed him one sidedly. Does this make me a butcher? I really don''t know. After the fight I quickly donned my robe. I didn''t really have a chance to talk to Flara before she ran out crying. The king said nothing to me and just calIed for a cleaning crew. I heard her sisters talking as I left the hall quietly.


    "Tch, why does that little bitch get to have such a strong husband?"


    "Unfair. She doesn''t even appreciate such a strong mage. She ran off crying like baby."


    I clenched my fist at the time. I had to swallow my rage. They wouldn''t understand anyway. I hate this magic.


    After that I was led to a surprisingly well furnished room. It was clean and a tad too fancy for me. Too fucking clean and nice for me. I like to be closer to the element my magic controls I suppose. After all I''m nothing more than a piece of shit that makes a girl cry.


    I got a scolding hot bath to remove this filth... and my grandfather''s blood. I''m now sitting on the bed clutching my head quietly. I keep seeing her crying face and I realize how I let my darker emotions take hold during that fight. I want to be a righteous knight yet I laugh at my enemies as they are in agony? What kind of righteousness is that?


    I sigh before wiping tears dripping from the brim of my eyes. I don''t know what I''m doing. I feel lost.


    *creak~*


    I look up after hearing a creaking floorboard. ...It''s Flara. She is standing there and looking down at me. She is rubbing her eyes. I notice she is dressed into a loose night gown. I get up and help her wipe her tears. I feel bad... I kind of wish I could have hidden that side of myself from her. Too late now.


    She looks up at me. Her eyes like glowing rubies. She says timidly, "I-I''m... sorry... I ran away from you... *sniffle* I just didn''t like seeing you that way. It hurt... it hurt my heart seeing you like that." She lowered her head and began crying. I pulled her close to my chest. I tried to keep myself from crying but I couldn''t. Not when I see her tears. So we are standing here embracing each, holding each other close. As we cry our tears seem to be taking away this odd pain in our hearts. A release.


    ***


    We are now back at the academy. We still live together in that run down shed. I thought she would hate me but rather I think she embraced it. She hardly leaves me alone, I think she is worried about me. I think it is kind of cute.


    Still... with my grandfather gone there is going to be some trouble about. His funeral is scheduled to be in several days. When I think about it... it makes me shiver. All of the family will be there and so will representatives from the lesser noble families. A pain in the ass. I don''t want to see anyone... but I for some reason believe I owe my grandfather at least much, going to his funeral that is. Without him I don''t think I would have the relationship I have right now with Flara.


    I promise him I will make that pig king eat shit one day. Whether it be my magic or when I learn to wield a sword so that I might jab it up his fat ass. I will make him pay. I can still remember his gaze, I''m nothing more than shit in his eyes.


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Funeral, Gathering of a (Not-so) Great Family]


    ?¡ª?¡ª-?¡ª?


    Boring chapter? Anticlimactic fight? Maybe. And yes before you ask I did write that beautiful poem, it was my own twist on a sestina(look it up if you don''t know what it is). But yea tell me what you thought... also... super... SUPER CRAZY family members on the horizon. Nothing like a funeral to bring people together.

 CH 11: Funeral, Gathering of a (Not-so) Great Family

    *creak~*


    The creaking of the hinge of the shed door seems so harsh this morning. I''m up quite early. The sun has yet to break the night. However, soft light is draped over the ground from above. The Mana Aurora is glowing its gentle colors in the sky. I lay down on the grass and look into the sky. It''s so quiet. Today is the day before my grandfather¡¯s funeral. I am uncertain of how I should feel in all honesty. It''s an¡­ odd feeling, this sensation I have at this moment.


    I don''t know how long I''ve been staring at the gently dancing and twirling lights in the sky but I slowly close my eyes and let the rather¡­ harsh thoughts¡­ dance in their own corrupting manner. I feel like I am to blame. I feel¡­ regret? I feel¡­ sad? I truly don''t know. It''s just the sort of soft, yet painful, feeling that you can''t quite grasp, but it wells up in your chest. It burrows deep. When you focus on it too long¡­ it just brings tears to your eyes and you¡­ just¡­ don''t know why.


    I let the feelings sink in before letting them go. I don''t need these feelings¡­ they hurt too much. I wipe tears from my eyes. I let my hand cover my eyes as I just listen to the silence of the world. I didn''t think it would affect me this way, his death. I flop my arm to my side and empty my mind. I let the silence swallow me. It''s a peaceful feeling.


    I feel something poke my nose. I open my eyes and see an upside down Flara, or rather I''m lying down and she is bending over me. She has a slight grin on her face. She is wearing her hair back and is wearing the red robe my grandfather had made for her. The robe is rather¡­ snug on her, but who am I to complain? These robes have some interesting functions¡­ some are rather¡­ unnecessary.


    ¡°Come on we have to get going, it will be a whole day''s ride to Karpan City.¡± She is right, I''m just happy she is coming with me.


    Karpan City is the largest city of my family''s southern province. It will take a whole day using a magic powered carriage. I don''t think people understand how fast a magic carriage can move¡­ looking at them go, all you can see is a blur. The fact that it takes a whole day to get to Karpan is a statement to how large the continent is. Karpan is along the the ocean in the south, it''s a large city that thrives from the fishing industry. It also happens to be where most of my family lives.


    We will be holding the funeral¡­ or should I call it a ceremony, a service? His body is nonexistent. Well anyway¡­ the funeral service will be held in the temple in Karpan City. The temple is a rather interesting place. It''s normally empty on the average day. As a child I used to play there during the annual family gathering at Karpan. To imagine¡­ the place I used to play by myself as a child was built on top of the family catacombs.


    Flara helps me to my feet. I brush myself off and make my way to the waiting carriage. Wugo, my grandfather¡¯s henchman, is in the driver¡¯s seat. I suppose he is going to pay his respects. I still don''t know what his magic is but I always get a really weird vibe when he is nearby.


    Flara and I sit across from each other in the carriage. I hear the axles scream as an intense wind hits the flaps that make them drive. I think Wugo must have quite the capacity for mana if he can pump that much mana into a wind stone. I just hope he is an adequate driver. I''ve heard stories of people crashing carriages before and I don''t care to experience it myself.


    The carriage tears out of the front gate of the academy and onto the main road. I watch people jump out of the way of our carriage and curse. Carriages aren''t really common. You either have to be a noble or a wealthy merchant to own one. So most of the populous that live within the city all walk.


    On the way out of the city we passed several people pulling carts or walking towards the city walls. Now it''s just blurred shades of green. I look at Flara. She is¡­ already asleep. Her head is against one of carriage windows. She looks so small. I wipe some drool dripping from the side of her mouth. I slide myself next to her and place her head on my shoulder.


    I continue to stare out a window. I watch as blurry figures drift by. I close my eyes and listen to the thumping of the wheels of the carriage.


    ***


    I wake to sound of Flara¡¯s subtle snoring. She is smiling in her sleep and it''s quite hilarious. I can¡¯t help but try to swallow my laughter but I can''t hold it down. I cover my loud mouth with my hand. Flara slow opens her eyes and stares at me for a second. She then realizes i was laughing at her and starts beating on me. ¡°Jerk, what are you laughing at!¡± She yells as she curls her lower lip. Her hits are actually quite soft. I laugh harder.


    *shunk*


    A little window open behind us that is behind the driver''s seat. I think we might have pissed off Wugo. ¡°Young master, miss¡­ please don¡¯t do such things during the ride you might tip the whole carriage.¡± Wugo turns his head so we can see a single eye through the window, he winks, then he shuts it quickly.


    We are now sitting her in silence as a shade of red is creeping up our faces¡­ how embarrassing. Definitely one of my grandfather¡¯s subordinates¡­ a pervert to the core they all are.


    I let loose a sigh before turning to look out of one of the side windows of the carriage. I can see the sea in the distance along with the towering skyscrapers of Karpan. Karpan is actually built mostly over the water. There are endless numbers of canals and passages that snake all throughout the city. Over the years many buildings have hand entire new layers of city built on top of them. It is to the point that there are already several layers. each layer has steps and winding paths leading to the next. This place is truly a maze.


    We slowly approach the border of the city. The surroundings are completely swallowed by sea water so the only entrance into the city is an enormous bridge. It''s wide enough to fit at least five carriages side to side and it¡¯s long enough that if one wanted to run from one side to the other it would take about ten minutes. As we get onto the bridge Wugo lowers the amount of mana he is putting into the wind stone so that we don¡¯t run over the crowd of patrons entering and exiting the massive city.


    As we enter the city we get to a point where we have to leave the carriage in a sort of garage because carriages are simply too large to go through the winding passages and sidewalks that line the canals on the lower level. Here on the lower level it is actual pitch-black all day round because the many other layers above have long since covered up all access to the daylight. Due to the city¡¯s wealth the management, my family, has long since installed light stones throughout the lower level to keep it lit but it is still undeniably dim here.


    FLara and I follow Wugo through the crowded streams of people. We listen to the sound of the black water running through the canals that is overshadowed by the lively sounds of business and human interaction. We cross a bridge to get to the other side of the canal before we make what seems to be a hundred turns on the same corner before we find our up to the next level of the city. Sadly it isn''t until around the third level of the city that we will be free of the suffocating air and the darkness.


    Looking around the second level I find that not much is different from how it was when I was younger. There are some places where the sidewalks give way to the level below us and you can see the canal below. We walk past several stores and have to shove past groups of people before we finally make our way to the stairs that lead to the third level of the city. It has already been several hours just trying to navigate our way to the third level.


    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    I top that final step and I¡¯m not surprised to see some strands of sunlight. It''s still nearly as dark below but the air quality here is slightly better. There are less people here as well because the third level is primarily more¡­ professional¡­ business. In other words, the third level is essentially an enormous business district that is incredibly expensive. However, that stops only so many people. It is still none the less crowded here.


    Flara and I hold hands as we walk at a snail¡¯s pace past the store windows and we smell some food ahead. I can hear both of our stomachs growling at us. It''s actually around breakfast. We road the entire way here without stopping to eat. It has been an entire day without food being in our stomachs and it took us several hours to get here so we are quite hungry.


    I tap Wugo¡¯s shoulder and point to the shop ahead of us. He gives a slight nod as he says, ¡°Young master I¡¯ll wait here as you and the lady get something to eat. It is improper for a servant to eat at the same table as their master after all.¡± He gives a slight bow after saying as such. I hate such pointless courtesies. I am a fucking shit mage¡­ you have god knows what magic that can create a ridiculous robe¡­  I think that it is rather pointless to draw such line but whatever.


    ¡°Yea, I''m so~ hungry!¡± Flara is bouncing up and down as we make our way towards the restaurant. I laugh a little as I am half dragged to the front door of the restaurant. I turn my head and watch Wugo fade into the crowd behind us. He has his back to a wall and his head down which is only added to by his hunched back. I want to see the expression on his face but his black hair is draped over it. I think at this moment i can see an enormous weight bearing down on his shoulders. I let the feeling slip as I¡¯m pushed into the restaurant¡¯s door.


    Inside the restaurant is fairly crowded. We are sitting on a bench waiting for an open table. A young man, a kid, walks up to us. ¡°You table is right this way sir, madame.¡± he does a clumsy bow before leading the way to a small table in a dark corner of the restaurant. There is a candlestick that is holding some lit candles on top of the table. He places two wooden tablets with the restaurant''s menu on the table before he lightly bows. ¡°If you need anything my name is Denci. Call for me when are prepared to order.¡±


    When Denci is finally gone Flara and I look at the menu. There are various high priced dishes on this menu. ¡°How old do you think he is?¡± Flara asks me with a serious face.


    ¡°Probably about seven or so¡­ It¡¯s not uncommon around here for kids to get hired in restaurants¡­ they are cheap and there is no lack of poverty here. In fact he is probably lucky just to have a job here and isn''t pickpocketing people on the streets. Since he is on this level then he will likely live an alright life.¡± I answer plainly and simply.


    The lower levels are large and home to crime and the complex structure of the city keeps it from being weeded out. Down in the first and second level there are places I don¡¯t care to go. Here on the third level crime isn¡¯t as rampant because it is relatively guarded. I feel bad for the homeless children that have to scrounge around in the dark amidst the darkness in the first and second level, but I can¡¯t change it. There will always be a short end to the stick.


    Flara looks at me stiffly in the soft candlelight. I can see the wheels turning in her head but i dare not ask. She is quite fiery yet fragile. She grew up amongst a large number of sibling whom she was never the most important of. She was tormented by them and was considered a disgrace for being a basic mage. Basic mages are simply mages who have spells that involve only the four main elements of fire, water, earth, and air. Basic mages are extremely common. Only the average common person might only be a basic mage with a spell or two whereas Flara has a whole book. Her family just can''t look past their pride to see the facts.


    I think the abuse and loneliness she has always endured since she was young instilled a subtle resolve to retaliate against it so no others have to face hardship. It¡¯s troublesome but I still love her gentle yet unwavering nature. Although I feel many headaches arriving in the near future¡­ it¡¯s something I''ll have to deal with when we get there I suppose.


    We ordered our food and it is now in front of us. I got some Kuglo eggs sunny side up on top of a what appears to be a sweet pastry with icing and on the side are some thick slices of Shikro bacon. The yoke of the Kuglo eggs are shining a gentle blue in the light of the candles and the sweet smell of the Shikro bacon is enticing. Kuglo eggs are a bit larger than a man¡¯s fist. I dont say anything since Flara has already started to dig into her food. We both eat quietly as she shovel food into our mouths.


    ***


    After paying the bill and exiting the restaurant with full stomachs we look around to find Wugo. Wugo is nowhere to be found and the streets are even more crowded than earlier. It will take us a little over an hour to get the fifth level where the temple is. It is al most time for the gathering so we really should get going. We look around for about ten minutes before we head towards the entrance to the fourth city level. I know the way and Wugo will probably meet us there anyway.


    ***


    We made our way through the fourth level with little difficulty. We are now heading towards my family¡¯s temple. The sun is almost at its peak in the sky and I can see others are already crossing the bridges to enter the temple grounds.


    It¡¯s time to meet them again. My¡­ not-so great family. I release a sigh as a grip Flara¡¯s hand and we cross the bridge to the place where i will give my final goodbye to my grandfather and see off his spirit.


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Funeral, Gathering of a (Not-so) Great Family (Part 2)]


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    Well this chapter got so long for me I decided to split this into two parts. In fact, this chapter is all for introducing the new environment and build up so¡­ yea. Hope you enjoyed it. I actually typed this on my brand spanking new computer so my ideas probably flowed little too well¡­ anyway. Hope you enjoyed it, I¡¯ll be getting another one out soon.


    New computer gave me some trouble when posting it in RRL but i got it working after 15 minutes... whatever¡­ :P


    As a side note: I¡¯m thinking of entering the November writing contest. We will see.

 CH 12: Funeral, Gathering of a (Not-so) Great Family (Part 2)

    I can already see the faces of my many cousins and distant relatives. These people tick me off. I can¡¯t stand them. It is not strange for a couple to have ten children in their long lives as mages so I have quite a few cousins. Most of them I hardly know. Since I am member of the main family however, everyone knows me it seems. What a pain in the ass.


    To be honest although my father isn''t the oldest child he is now the family head. My Uncle Treyman, my father¡¯s eldest brother, had his grimoire set ablaze while on a military expedition in one of the surrounding continents. The kingdom is always in a state of perpetual war with the nearby continents. During one of the pointless battles of conquest my uncle had his grimoire destroyed, along with a piece of his soul. He is now nothing more than a vegetable in a wheelchair. Since he was unable to inherit the position of family head and since he had yet to be married at the time the right went to my father.


    My father said he was there at the battle that took his brother¡¯s sanity but he doesn''t like to go into detail. I brought it up once when I was younger and his face darkened, it¡¯s the only time I have ever seen my father cry.


    Speaking of my father he is currently welcoming the many people who have to pay their respects. He is donning a white cloak to signify the loss of his father, my perverted grandfather¡­ this is too strange. I¡¯m being overly serious. After that time in the dark I find myself sighing more than smashing my head into the ground¡­ I don''t know which is worse really¡­


    Just in time to cheer me up some of my cousins come to say hello¡­ I haven¡¯t seen them in nearly a year¡­ I wish it was longer. Shit.


    ¡°Hey Kyte I haven¡¯t seen ya in awhile¡­ who is this¡­¡± My cousin Garmeo walks up to me and slaps me on the back, I almost went flying¡­ it¡¯s not that he is strong he just has a lot of¡­ mass. I look at the rolls of fat on his stomach and his greasy facial hair. He is sucking on a lollipop with a grimy smile¡­ I hate him. When I was younger he would push me down and sit on me¡­ ah there it is¡­ my anger is back just thinking about it. Not to mention the lust in his eyes while looking at Flara¡­ I want to gouge them out.


    I answer plainly while gripping Flara¡¯s hand tightly, ¡°She is my fianc¨¦e.¡±


    I think my words did nothing more than provoke him. Whatever, I have no intention to talk to him or the other relatives who are approaching¡­ this isn''t the time for this crap. I just want to pay my respects to my grandfather. I don''t know why but I feel like I owe him, that¡¯s the only reason I¡¯m here. I drag Flara past Garmeo and move to take a seat before I start a scene at my grandfather¡¯s funeral.


    ¡°Ah!¡± Flara shrieks and I notice Garmeo has his stubby fingers on her¡­ I will kill him. I was preparing to throw off my cloak right there and tear out his insides but Flara tugs my sleeve and whispers into my ear, ¡°He isn''t worth it¡­ so please¡­ don¡¯t kill again.¡± Damn. I don¡¯t want to show her that side of myself again. I calm down and continue dragging Flara over to sit up front.


    At the front of the massive temple hall was an altar. Atop that altar flowers are surrounding a painting my father probably commissioned from a magic painter. The picture is of my grandfather and shows his image turning from young to old then he turns with a smile as he hugs my grandmother and is engulfed in red flower petals that seem to turn to blood as he is suddenly surrounded by red. He waves goodbye and is consumed by that bloody background. The video is simply playing on repeat on that canvas¡­ it kind of pisses me off yet brings a sense of calm, weird.


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    Flara is on my left and is waiting here with me for the funeral ceremony to begin. I look to my right and see my grandmother¡­ I thought she would be crying her heart out but rather¡­ she is smiling¡­ it''s creeping me out. She turns her head and winks at me and Flara. I can still remember her tied up in rope with drool flying out of her mouth¡­ this is¡­ ugh.


    Wait, everyone is quieting down. Down one of the aisles between the makeshift pews, set up for this event, came my father who had been greeting everyone earlier. He is now standing in front the altar. He kneels down and grabs a candlestick that was placed before the painting on the altar and holds it in front of himself. Off to the side one of the temple monks, weird bald guys that I still don¡¯t understand, commanded, ¡°Please begin burning the candles in memory of the lost one.¡±


    Everyone reaches beneath their seat and grabs a mana-burn candle. I don''t know how these are made but I do know they are common in rituals and funerals and such. These candles, unlike a fire stone, have a small blue candle flame when one infuses mana into it and it also doesn¡¯t burn anything. I put some mana into the mana-burn candle and watch the ethereal white-blue flame as it dances back and forth. This thing looks pretty cool¡­


    I look over and see Flara is also staring at it with a hazy expression¡­ weird. I look around and see that most of my closely related family members are staring at the altar. However, all those of a more distant relation or simply aren''t related are in a trance. My grandmother is smiling¡­ what the fuck is going on.


    My father stands up and faces everyone in the room. He looks at me but he just turns away. I have no clue what is happening. Suddenly, everyone¡¯s mana-burn candle flares up. Fuck that hurt my eyes. My grandmother has tears running down her cheek but she is still smiling. Everyone¡¯s candles fade into blue smoke that hangs in the room¡­ what the hell.


    Everyone is slowly stirring from their trance but I still can¡¯t comprehend what I just witnessed.


    {CHAPTER END}


    [NEXT TIME ON MAGIC IS OVERRATED...]


    [Family Secrets Best Left in the Dark]


    ?¡ª?¡ª?¡ª?


    Well this chapter was rewritten and reworked in so many different fucking directions. I finally settled on this one.Sorry it is short but, oh boy you are in for a surprise. Also, I am almost two thirds of the way done typing up my submission for the November writing contest. You can read it and comment as it updates on the google doc here</a> if you feel you want to give it a look. I will disable link sharing after I post the finished version on RRL. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)


    <hr />


    I thought it was getting a little too serious and since this was a short chapter I decided it was time for a poll. Please select your answer for the poll or post how you feel down below. I don''t want to stray from the comedy too much (which I have been doing recently) since it adds some fun. However, I want to generate an overarching plot so whatever happens I guess we will see where this goes... :P