《Chimera》
Chapter 01: I Accidentally My Whole Sister
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
There was once a planet which shall remain unnamed for reasons about to be told. It had two continents that were inhabited and one that was unexplored. One continent specialised in magic, while the other specialised in technology. They were prosperous and peaceful, that is until the third continent was discovered. There was a long and bloody war for dominance of said continent, until the people fighting said war had enough. They decided to band together, share their knowledge and fight back against both continents and attempted to bring peace between the two. They used their shared knowledge called Magi-Tech, to attempt this. Sadly, this wasn¡¯t meant to happen at that time, so they were forced to banish both continents, and converted them into moons that orbited said unnamed planet. Peace was achieved, albeit a forced one, and this peace continued uncontested. That is, until the now known Magi-Tech Planet decided to release a project to both the Magical and Technological Moons that will attempt to bridge the gap between the two, and allow them both the chance to end their forced exile.
---
Male PoV - Technology Moon- Immersive Reality Coma Ward
Immersive reality is great: No need to eat, piss, or shit! The nurses and doctors take care of all that, I just spend all my time watching cat videos or playing net games. Sometimes I even do both at the same time! How cool is that? Anyway¡ to pay for my cat video and net game addiction¡. errr¡. hobby, I lease part of my brain¡¯s processing power to various corporations. VIVA LA ORGANIC COMPUTING!
How I ended up here? That¡¯s easy: my girlfriends put me here (by accident). I was walking on the sidewalk, listening to music and minding my own business when I was bowled over by her¡ Her name was Suzuki. Her stalker Chuck... or Chock was it? I think it was Chock (how pretentious a name is that?) wasn¡¯t paying attention, and she ran away, into me, kissing me in the process, and knocking me over the bridge I was crossing, into the path of the other reason¡ I mean girl: Izuki... Same process with her too, except I was knocked into a drainage ditch that time. They still haven¡¯t visited me in the ward yet, after taking my first kisses, they must be shy¡ Or feeling guilty¡ Yeah! That must be the reason! They don¡¯t have to worry, I forgive them, we can work things out. Long story short: harems hurt, you should stay away from them.
While checking for newly uploaded cat videos, I received a new mail notification. Hmmm¡ Alpha Test for [Armistice Online]? Virtual Reality? That¡¯s already one of my vices¡ err¡ hobbies, maybe¡ Available races: Human, Beastkin, Dwarf, Elf, Gnome, Demonkin, Android. VIVA LA BEASTKIN! I have to see if lasers work on cat type Beastkin! For¡ scientific reasons¡ Yeah, scientific reasons! Wait for me Cat people~ Please don¡¯t be jealous Suzuki and Toyota! Nurse~ I need more meds~.
---
Female PoV - Magical Moon - Mana Immersion Therapy Ward
Bored. I am bored. They dump books into my prison, they take books out. Then they shower me with questions all day long over the [Whisper Crystal]. Escape is futile. Survival is futile. Ending the boredom is futile.
I am Half-Dryad/. Father captured Mother, and I was the result/. He was after Mother¡¯s [Yggdrasil Archive] bloodline, which allows a Dryad to retain all knowledge and pour that into the tree they are bound to/. Those plans are futile, I am not bound to a tree to pour the knowledge into, and Mother¡¯s tree is dying, so my source of nutrients will die too/. Dryad children eat fruit and leaves from their Mother¡¯s tree until their coming of age ritual, which I never will partake in since my Mother is dead and her tree is dying/. I have been calculating how much longer I have to suffer this prison/. Mother¡¯s Tree will die in 18 months, and I will starve to death/. Or, I can read one thousand more books and die from not being able to pour the knowledge into my tree, which I don¡¯t have/. At least I am safe from Father¡¯s advances/. Since I haven¡¯t went through the coming of age ritual, I have no genitalia, [Yggdrasil Archive] will die with me/. Nobody knows of my imminent death, nor the fact that my Father cannot use me as breeding stock, and he never will. It is futile/.
My [Whisper Crystal] lights up:
Hello potential player!
The alpha-test is about to begin for [Realm of Armistice]!
[Realm of Armistice] is a new experience where you can be what you want to be.
Blah blah sales pitch, not paying attention because you''re already sold.
Not gonna waste anymore time, please chant [??? ?????? ??? ???? ??????] to join!
New experience, hmmm¡
Female?: [??? ?????? ??? ???? ??????]/
---
Third Person PoV
Welcome to [Armistice Online]!
Thank you for joining the Alpha Test!
Please input your name.
Name:
Please choose your faction between: Magical, Technology, Magi-Tech.
Female?: ¡°Something new/~. Hmmm¡ [Yggdrasil Archive] is still accessible. Cats are known to be the most free of creatures/. Both magic and technology are stagnating, so Magi-Tech/.¡± Race: Beastkin, Name: Fortuna, Sex: Female/.
Status
Name:
Fortuna
Level:
0
Class:
---
Race:
Beastkin
Titles:
Smartest Dumbass
404: Junk not found
Twin-Soul
Female
HP:
10/10
Resource:
---
Resource:
---
Stamina:
10/10
Physical
Agility:
1
Strength:
1
Defensive
Constitution:
Endurance:
1
Mental
Intellect:
1
Wisdom:
1
Other
Dexterity:
1
Perception:
1
Spirit:
1
Luck:
MIN
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
Mammon/Fortuna: ¡°[Twin-Soul]?¡±
That''s what you have a problem with?
*cough* Since you both logged in at the same time, and both selected figures aspected to luck.
You two will be "born" together, share the same stats, it¡¯s usually likened to marriage and whatnot. Also, since Mammon was at least original, he gets blessed with Max Luck.
Fortuna on the other hand, was pretty unoriginal, so "blessed" with Min Luck.
Also, both of your mental states are pretty messed up right now, one from medication, the other.... Yeah, let''s clear that up. Adabra Ca-Prozac~!
PS: You two get to keep the wifi implant and [Yggdrasil Archive].
Mammon: ¡°THEY WERE TRUCKS? Heh, Dodge.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°It¡¯s not my fault I don¡¯t have them!¡±
Mammon/Fortuna: ¡°MARRIAGE!¡±
Well~, times up newlyweds, adios~!
Once all the alpha testers completed their characters, a one hour countdown will start until time will speed up until you''re "born".
Remember kids, it''s not incest if it''s digital/spiritual!
Mammon: ¡°Sooooo¡ How was your day ¡®Honey¡¯?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Dryads don¡¯t produce nectar until after their coming of age ritual.¡±
Mammon: ¡°So¡ Can I try some after you do that?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Sure¡¡± (Doesn¡¯t matter anyway, I can never do the ritual, and I will die soon anyway.)
Holy crap, didn''t think you two would really do it!
Contract accepted.
The rite of marriage for a Dryad is the promising of their nectar to the intended.
Congratulations! You two are now married!
Marriage comes with new perks, including: [Shared Purse], [Fair Treatment].
These Bonuses will be absorbed by [Twin-Soul].
Shared Purse: Your currency tab is now shared with your partner, and you can now hold double!
Type: Contractual/Blessing --- Level: MAX
Fair Treatment: You will receive the same system given rewards as your partner.
Type: Contractual/Blessing --- Level: MAX
[Shared Purse] and [Fair Treatment] Absorbed by [Twin-Soul].
Twin-Soul: You are now bound with your partner at the highest level: The soul.
* Shared stats
* Married
* Fair Treatment
* Shared Purse
Type: Title/Passive --- Level: MAX
Fortuna: I¡¯m not gonna be surprised anymore¡
Mammon: I didn¡¯t even get a bachelor party¡.
Fortuna: That¡¯s what you complain about?
---
??? PoV (Imagine this happening on both Moons.)
???: WHAT!
Minion: ¡°It¡¯s called [Armistice Online].¡±
???: ¡°They want us to what?¡±
Minion: ¡°End our feud with (Opposing Moon).¡±
???: ¡°Ha! Wishful thinking if I ever heard it! Gather a squad/cadre and destroy the Magi-Tech Embassy.¡±
---
Almost simultaneously, on both Moons, the Magi-Tech Embassy exploded. All of the alpha testers died, and two of them were for lack of a better word: fucked.
---
Casa de Madre - 3rd Person PoV
Oh shi... I mean crap!
HOLD ON TO YOUR CORDS KIDS!
Mammon and Fortuna felt a soul-wrenching tug in their¡ well, soul? Mammon, isn¡¯t a stranger to pain, so he weathered through it. Fortuna on the other hand, grabbed onto her umbilical cord, and tugged...
*POP*
Fortuna: ¡°Was that bad? Why am I feeling weak all of a sudden?¡±
YA THINK! You¡¯re dying!
Fortuna! Expel your Mana into Mammon!
Mammon! Absorb the Psy from Fortuna!
You have discovered Mana/Psy Manipulation, and unlocked it as a resource!
Mana/Psy Manipulation: You can now manipulate the energy known as Mana/Psy.
Type: Mental --- Level: 01/100
Mana/Psy: Is a resource that can be used in many ways.
Spoiler Alert: They''re the same thing, both Moons were wrong all along!
Type: Mental
Mammon: ¡°They¡¯re the same?¡±
Fortuna: ¡±This changes everything!¡±
Since Blue Screen was allowed to force the skills onto them, they were able to follow the instructions quick enough without having to discover them first. Fortuna started pushing Mana out into Mammon, and Mammon started Absorbing it as Psy. Suddenly, Fortuna started getting sucked into Mammon.
You have discovered, created, and changed into a new race!
Chimera:
You have absorbed your dead sibling into yourself, gaining atributes from both bodies.
You can now absorb living beings and use their attributes to modify your body!
You may absorb one racial skill per race (sub races count torwards this total).
Type: Created --- Rarity: Hidden/Divine
Absorption - Trait: You can absorb genetic traits from your fallen enemies.
Type: Racial --- Level: MAX
Absorption - Ability: You can absorb racial skills from your fallen enemies.
Limit one per race (sub races count torwards this total).
Please note that some skills require certain traits to be in use and may conflict with other skills/traits.
Type: Racial --- Level: MAX
Body Manipulation: You can now change your body according to traits you have absorbed.
Please note that some traits can conflict with others.
Type: Racial --- Level: MAX
Status
Name:
Mammon/Fortuna
Level:
0
Class:
---
Race:
Chimera
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Sarcasm? What is that, is it tasty?
I accidentally my whole sister
Male/Female/???
Two Souls, One Vessel
HP:
20/20
Mana/Psy
40/40
Resource:
---
Stamina:
20/20
Physical
Agility:
2
Strength:
2
Defensive
Constitution:
Endurance:
2
Mental
Intellect:
2
Wisdom:
2
Other
Dexterity:
2
Perception:
2
Spirit:
2
Luck:
MAX
Mammon: ¡°I thought I was supposed to go into you?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°You weren¡¯t dying...¡±
Mammon: ¡°Pffffft¡±
---
Author¡¯s Note: Holy shit tables, thank gawd I saved templates. Holy mother of tables and dialogues Batman! If the Real World stuff seems cliche, don¡¯t worry, because it¡¯s supposed to be. Real world stuff won¡¯t intrude for a while, and even then, it won¡¯t be all doom and gloom. No, there won¡¯t be any NTR, rape or any of that crap. There won¡¯t be a harem, but there may be one night stands and the like. Next chapter will be the proverbial ¡°growing up¡± and explanation chapter.
Chapter 02 - It is Inadvisable to Leave Children Unattended
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Unless noted otherwise, it¡¯s 3rd Person PoV
---
Casa de Madre
Mammon and Fortuna still don¡¯t know what happened, and are pretty distracted from asking about it due to their surprise marriage and race change. They spent a nice two hours in silence, contemplating their new situation.
Mammon: ¡°Soooooo [Yggdrasil Archive]?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°It let¡¯s me keep all of my knowledge, store it into my tree, and let me recall it at any time¡ Wifi implant?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Kind of the same thing, but with the internet, I don¡¯t keep the knowledge though¡¡± (Hmmmm I smell an exploit. Yay exploits~!)
Fortuna: ¡°Wha-¡±
Mammon: ¡°The internet is a global communication network that allows people to share information, entertainment, and other things with other people.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°How ar-¡±
Mammon: ¡°I am 1/64th Cherokee Indian, I can listen to the heart of nature.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°The Cherokee Indian race sounds like a noble people.¡±
Mammon: *pfffffft*
Title: [Sarcasm? What is that, is it tasty?] Has advanced to level 2!
Please note that that was sarcasm, Titles don''t have levels.
Mammon: (Exploit, I¡¯m really close¡ EUREKA!) ¡°Fortuna! Use [Yggdrasil Archive] and the Wifi implant at the same time! You can copy information from one to the other!¡±
You do know that you two are sharing your bookmarks right?
Aren''t you scared that she''ll find your porn?
Fortuna: ¡°Wha-¡±
Mammon: ¡°Porn is short for Pornography, which is an entertainment medium where one or more people are engaged in sexually exciting activities. People watch it for sexual gratification. Why am I answering this? Also, what porn bookmarks? I¡¯ve been in a coma for five years, where I was hormonally imbalanced enough to fall in love with two trucks¡ *opens up his own implant and starts searching* Open up the Wifi Implant twice, and try to focus on both, we might acquire a passive or something nice.¡±
Fortuna does just that, but over achieves, and opens up five¡°tabs¡±: an online encyclopedia, cat videos, a web novel site, a manga website, and search engine.
Fortuna: (Search for porn¡ 700 million results! That¡¯s a lot of information just for sexual gratification¡)
Fortuna gets right to ¡°work¡± acquiring information and training for passives, while Mammon feels a shiver run down his spine.
Mammon: (Why do I feel like I made the biggest mistake in my life? Anywho¡ [Yggdrasil Archive] search for magical monsters and catalogue abilities!) Mammon starts to search the UI for some sort of note taking app of some sort¡ ¡°Damnit! Blue Screen, you are elected to take notes! We need a slime for the division ability, Fortuna needs a body to do things, not that I don¡¯t mind sharing one with her, we are married after all. Some sort of animal to hide the fact that we aren¡¯t beastkin, because racism blows. Before you say anything Fortuna, look it up in a search engine.¡±
Fortuna: (The Cherokee are a fearsome people!)
Mammon: ¡°Why do I feel like laughing? Anyway, Fortuna keeps looking up information, preferably things to do with crafting professions and whatnot. *inspects browsing history* Oi! At least use two tabs for research, you can use the others for personal use! I will practice passives while searching over the UI and [Yggdrasil Archive].¡±
Meh, don''t get snippy with me, it''s not my fault they didn''t implement useful things!
Don''t worry about the animals/racism, the GMs and Gods/AIs will take care of that before you are born.
Quest: Practice Makes Perfect! --- Type: Group
Part 1: Mammon is to search [Yggdrasil Archive] and the menu while practicing your passives.
Please note that Mana/Psy emission is disabled until you are born, don''t want to kill yourself like your sister...
Success: Research while practicing.
Failure: Sit on your proverbial ass and watch cat videos.
---
Part 2: Fortuna is to research information for [Yggdrasil Archive] with the Wifi Implant, while focusing on:
* Tailoring/Leatherworking
* Smithing/Engineering
* Alchemy/Chemistry
Success: Find enough information on the listed subjects.
Failure: Watch too much porn.
---
Rewards: Satisfaction, improved skills, +1 Level, +3 Animals for absorption.
Penalties: An annoying title for Mammon --- Fortuna will become a Chuuni Nympho.
Speed Reading: You now read faster! Speed is increased by multiples of your level!
Type: Passive --- Level: 04/100
Multitasking: You can now do multiple things at once!
Please note that this skill is dependant on Dexterity AND Intellect.
Type: Passive --- Level: 03/100
Well kids, I have other things to take care of, and meetings to attend, so I''m off!
Don''t worry, the system will still update skills and whatnot, you just won''t receive notifications for them.
Before I forget, stat gains can''t happen until you''re born.
---
Mammon¡¯s PoV
Why do I feel a soul wrenching scream every time Blue Screen talks? Anywho- Psychic Meditation is all about circulating Psy through your nervous system, while Magical Meditation is all about circulating Mana through your bloodstream. Hmmmmmm let¡¯s do them separately first, and then try to combine them. Knowing this, it¡¯s probably an ancient skill or something similar. Why do I hear J-Pop, how is it playing, and how do I understand Japanese?
Mammon: ¡°Oi! Why are you wasting your time learning languages from other worlds? They have no use to us here¡¡±
Fortuna: ¡°I¡¯m al-¡±
Mammon: ¡°Jebus, you have nine tabs open. And you are doing your research. Still doesn¡¯t explain how I¡¯m hearing the music though¡¡±
Fortuna: ¡°There¡¯s a m-¡±
Mammon: ¡°Oi, there isn¡¯t a goddamned notepad, but we get a freaking media player? It is kind of cool that we share the same media player. At least it isn¡¯t tied into the Wifi implant, that would be kind of annoying to listen to porn while workin-¡±
Fortuna: ¡°WILL YOU LET ME FINISH MY GODDAMN SENTENCES YOU BASTARD! FUCK!¡±
Mammon: ¡°I¡¯m sorry, it¡¯s my Cherokee blood, it compel-.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°SHUT IT! You can¡¯t be Cherokee, they originate from Earth.¡±
Mammon: ¡°How d-¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Wikipedia. I¡¯m sorry, it seems like my Navajo blood is kicking in. How¡¯s it feel, sucks doesn¡¯t it?¡±
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.Mammon: ¡°I¡¯m sorry/¡¡±
Oi, what happened to the innocent, cute, shy girl who spoke in monotone? I miss her already, it seems like it was just this morning when we first met. It¡¯s rebellion I tell you, rebellion. Oh! Exploit found!
Mammon: ¡°Honey~¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Y-yes?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Check the archive and skill list for some Ancient Meditation skill I just discovered. You should use that while doing your thing. Shared Stats equals shared XP, which means faster skill ups!¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Isn¡¯t that a little¡ cheaty?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Yep! KAH KAH KAH KAH KAH KAH KAH KAH!¡±
Why do I feel creeped out, and like I owe some hamster something? I hope that didn¡¯t give me a skill. Yep, let¡¯s never check to confirm. Never.
Fortuna: ¡°We just got a new skill.¡±
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Mammon: ¡°No we didn¡¯t~¡±
Fortuna: ¡°It¡¯s calle-¡±
Mammon: ¡°Nooooooope~¡±
Fortuna: ¡°It¡¯s called [Creative Borrowing].¡±
Phew¡ Saaaafe~
Fortuna: ¡°And another one called [Denial]. It¡¯s already at max level.¡±
Mammon: ¡°Well, I deny it¡¯s existence.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°I don¡¯t think it works that wa-¡±
Mammon: ¡°Then the skill will deny my denial, thus creating a paradox. Said paradox will cause massive interference with the system, and the AIs/Gods will have to remove the skill from us to prevent all of existence from ending.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°... I can¡¯t believe that worked. Was all that true?¡±
Mammon: ¡°No, I just deleted the skill, you can do that to get rid of conflicting skills and whatnot. You can always relearn it, but you start from scratch.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Another skill... It¡¯s called [Professional Bullshitter]... Again, at max level.¡±
Mammon: ¡°We¡¯re keeping that one.¡±
Score~ That will be super useful for later, I¡¯m gonna try to go with an assassin-like class! I will be badass too! Shit, Bluescreen isn¡¯t here anymore, no more to-do list¡ Wait~ There¡¯s in-game mail! I¡ We need some perception type skills and maybe some body reinforcement¡ That last one should probably wait. Wouldn¡¯t want to accidentally Shoryuken ourselves out of our own Mother.
---
About eight and a half months later - Casa de Madre - Fortuna PoV
So much knowledge~ Knowledge I can actually use! I will use it for hi¡ to make sure I will not bring disrespect to my ancestors. Engineering and Chemistry seem interesting, if we apply it to Smithing and Alchemy respectively, we could change the world.
Skills are really weird here. Apparently you can get up to level 25 in a skill with just knowledge alone! Weird huh? To get past 25, you have to actually practice the skill, or meet a stat requirement, sometimes both. I asked Mammon about it, but he did that weird laugh again, and then quickly deleted a skill before I could check on it, while saying something mean about hamsters¡ Research was really hard at first, but once [Speed Reading] got to max level, it evolved into [Eidetic Memory]. And then I was told that I could download the whole repository of websites into the [Yggdrasil Archive]... I¡¯m not proud to say that I lost my temper and yelled at Mammon again. Hopefully it doesn¡¯t scare him off¡ Oh yeah! Our souls are joined~ He can never leave~ Go away [Personal Title: Undere] your kind ain¡¯t welcome here in these parts! [Denial] can stay though¡
I looked into [Dumbest Smartass] that Mammon has, and [Smartest Dumbass] that I have¡ I can only exert 50% of my Wisdom stat mentally, while Mammon can only exert 50% of his Intelligence stat mentally. It¡¯s ironic, I have all this knowledge at my disposal, but I can¡¯t properly utilize it. While Mammon can¡¯t memorize all of the knowledge, but can fully utilize what he researches.
Designing has been fun, for Mammon, I designed a set of armor i copi¡ creatively borrowed from the Samurai¡ and Xianxia novels¡ and Knights. For me, I made a priestess suit so I can heal his wounds! I told Mammon about this, and he got depressed, saying something like ¡°Don¡¯t wanna be a goddamned Chunni¡¡± and ¡°I wanna be a ninja¡±. I don¡¯t know what his issue is, Chuunibyou sound cool~.
Mammon kept saying that the [Earth Language] skill will be useless, but I have a feeling about it being otherwise. That, and it¡¯s useful for music~. The other skills have their uses too. Except for that one *blushes* that will have it¡¯s uses later ufufufufufufufu~
Mammon: ¡°Why do I have this ominous feeling? [Ojou-sama Laugh] and [Night ser-] ACK! Ow! HOW?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°... HURRY UP BLUESCREEN!¡±
Mammon: ¡°Seriously tell me how you did that, I don¡¯t care about the [Night Ser-] ACK! *cough* *cough* I¡¯ll shut up now.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°The effects of wisdom show themselves.¡±
Mammon: ¡°... HURRY UP BLUESCREEN!¡±
---
Casa de Madre
Thanks for the hard work kids!
Please stand by, transferring to your personal space.
Mammon: ¡°Why am I hearing screams of frustration from about a dozen people?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Oh! I know what this is! They call this the [Profound Mystery of the Cliffha-] ACK! Ow, that hurt! How did you do that?¡±
---
Author¡¯s Note: Sorry for the cliffhanger again! I said that this will be the growing up chapter, but I got distracted by jokes and references and whatnot. Next chapter will solve the body issue, and do the growing up! Oh, and before you guys start complaining about having Fortuna lay the love on thickly, there are two reasons: A - Going from a shitty situation to a better one, and B - This one will stay hidden, because that¡¯s a few chapters away~.
Oh, and before I forget, here¡¯s the FIXED stats chart, and the skill table.
Status
Name:
Mammon/Fortuna
Level:
0
Class:
---
Race:
Chimera
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Sarcasm? What is that, is it tasty?
I accidentally my whole sister
Male/Female/???
Two Souls, One Vessel
HP:
20/20
Mana/Psy
40/40
Resource:
---
Stamina:
20/20
Physical
Agility:
2
Strength:
2
Defensive
Constitution:
2
Endurance:
2
Mental
Intellect:
2
Wisdom:
2
Other
Dexterity:
2
Perception:
2
Spirit:
2
Luck:
MAX
Skill List
Absorption (Trait)
MAX
Absorption (Ability)
MAX
Body Manipulation
MAX
Mana/Psy Manipulation
25/100
Ancient Meditation
25/100
Eidetic Memory
MAX
Multitasking
25/100
Creative Borrowing
MAX
Professional Bullshitter
MAX
Earth Language
65%
Composer
25/100
Designer
25/100
Mana/Psy Sensing
25/100
Smithing/Engineering
25/100
Tailoring/Leatherworking
25/100
Cooking
25/100
Woodscraft
25/100
Night Service
25/100
Chapter 03 - Proper Handling of a Child is Recommended
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Unless noted otherwise, it¡¯s 3rd Person PoV
---
Personal Space - Mammon PoV
After disciplining Fortuna for trying to break the four¡ I mean being a Chunni idiot, our body was dropped onto the ground¡ Wait, ground? I liked the floating in amniotic fluid. It had the great positive of not burning your eyes out with brightness. And the soundtrack was pretty nice, gotta love heartbeats.
Mammon: ¡°Oi! Just don¡¯t drop a baby like that! Who are you, ¡ I¡¯m drawing a blank, Fortuna?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Jesse Spencer.¡±
Mammon: ¡°Who are you, Jesse Spencer? Who is J-¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Some actor from Earth who dropped a fake baby 17 times.¡±
Mammon: ¡°Honey, your Navajo is showing. Anywho~ where was I? Oh! Gimme our loots! On a side note, how am I talking as a baby? Bluescreen! Remind us not to talk when we are born for realsies, don¡¯t want people to freak out.¡±
Bluescreen: ¡°Kay.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Kyaaaaaa!¡±
The fuck! Holy crap, our poor baby heart. Wait¡ Is that a?
Mammon: ¡°Bluescreen?¡±
Bluescreen: ¡°Yes?¡±
Mammon: ¡°...¡±
Fortuna: ¡°FAIRY! *indescribable squealing* Catch it Mammon!¡±
Fortuna then ignores the fact that she asked me to capture Bluescreen, and does it herself.
Mammon: ¡°Oi! Don¡¯t just ask someone to do something, and then do it yourself! Ourself? Pronouns are hard when it¡¯s two people in the same body.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Fairy get!¡±
[table=green]
All right!!!
Fairy was caught!
Information has been added to [Yggdrasil Archive] for Fairy
Do you want to give a nickname to Fairy?
[/table]
What? I don¡¯t want an annoying and sarcastic Fairy! Where¡¯s the release button?
Fortuna: ¡°Lan-e- ACK! Ow! Why?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Oi! Just don¡¯t translate Blue into Chinese you Chuuni dumbass! I¡¯ll handle this!¡±
Crap crap crap! I¡¯m so screwed. Don¡¯t look at me with those sparkling eyes¡ Quick, put on a pensive look, and open the Wifi implant! I need an anagram! Nobody will ever know, it¡¯s the perfect plan. Selene Crub? Nah, let¡¯s add an S onto the end, to make it Bluescreens. Ha! Revenge is ours!
Mammon: ¡°Selene Scrub. We can tack on whatever our last name is going to be later.¡±
[table=green]
All right!!!
What? Selene is evolving!
Say antidisestablishmentarianism to cancel.
[/table]
Not gonna try at all.
[table=green]
Congratulations! Through clever naming, Selene has evolved into a Lunar Fairy!
Lunar Fairy:
Lunar Fairies are aspected to the moon, and excel in manipulating it''s power.
Type: Special --- Rarity: Divine
Status
Name:
Selene
Race:
Lunar Fairy
Type:
Non-Combat Companion
Job:
Blue Screen Interface
[/table]
Mammon: ¡°Kay¡ Ignoring our new emo fairy that Fortuna is strangl¡ cuddling to death, are you going to finally show yourself Mr. GM person?¡±
???: ¡°I take it you want an explan-¡±
Mammon: ¡°Like ¡®I¡¯m sorry, but some assholes blew up the embassies on the Moons, disconnecting the game¡¯s relay to the Planet, effectively killing us¡¯?¡±
???: ¡°Well-¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Or the fact that we are technically dead, and our consciousnesses are basically a hybrid digital/spiritual entity that you have inserted into a mana crystal?¡±
???: ¡°How-¡±
Mammon: ¡°I¡¯m 1/64th Cherokee, while Fortuna here is 1/28th Navajo and half-Dryad to boot. We can listen to the heart of Nature.¡±
???: ¡°...¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Actually, you left us with the Wifi implant. Things started to get suspicious when there was no logout button, and how Selene here made a big deal when I was going to ¡®die¡¯, when this is only a game. Or was. So, we got bored and looked it up.¡±
Mammon: ¡°So¡ Can we have our quest loots now? And we have deman¡ requests. Cosmetic armor slots, some sort of allowance of credits (real life money) to be used in the Pay to Win store and for entertainment, discount in the Pay to Win store, and we want the death penalty removed from us. Just revive us in the church or the last place we slept or something.¡±
Will they bite? I kind of hope they don¡¯t, then we can release that big ass cache of incriminating information. Mufufufufufufufufu Then they will come crawling to us to offer more!
???: ¡°I¡¯ll be right back, the Beastkin Goddess will take care of the quest rewards.¡±
The Gullible Id¡ GM disappeared, and a woman took her place. A table appeared in front of her with an assortment of animal shaped clay dolls, and a dead slime. Before she could say anything, I walked up to the table and used [Absorption - Ability] on the slime. Having two in every stat is pretty overpowered, I¡¯m a walking talking baby!
Body Division: You can now divide your body into parts.
This ability costs 90% of your Mana/Psy.
Type: Racial (Slime) --- Level: MAX
Hmmmm¡ How do I use this without getting spat out as a girl? That would be pretty cliche. I¡¯ll just have Fortuna do it.
Mammon: ¡°You use the skill now Fortuna, try to focus on pushing out only the female parts of us. Try to go along with it.¡±
While she does that, I start looking at the clay dolls. They are all shaped like animals, and there are two of each: Bear, Wolf, Cat, Fox, Dragon, etc. Fortuna grabbed a cat doll right away without thinking, while my eyes keep going back to the foxes. Those tails look really fluffy, I could use it as a hug pillow! *gasp!* What¡¯s better than a hug pillow? Two hug pillows! I immediately rip the tail off the other fox doll, and attach it to the one in front of me. As an afterthought, I rip the paws off of the other cat doll, and replace the paws on my doll with them. Two hug pillows and retractable claws? Badass. Both of our dolls get absorbed into our bodies, and we both grow our respective ears and tail(s). Pretty weird feeling, but I don¡¯t care, for I have hug pillows!
Goddess: ¡°Clever.¡±
Mammon: ¡°So¡ What now? Increase the time dilation so the next fifteen or so years go by in a minute or two?¡±
Goddess: ¡°No, You two will age one year for every month of time that passes until you hit 15 years of age, and you will do so in a village where the people will be¡ encouraged to not notice.¡±
Mammon: ¡°Neat. Have that GM person send us an in game mail when he gets an answer to our requests.¡±
---
Beastkin Village
The two babies, and a fairy were teleported three feet above the ground in front of a cabin. As they were falling, the Goddess appeared, and placed a basket under them, and knocked on the door before teleporting away.
Mammon: ¡°Goddamnit¡ What¡¯s worse than dropping a baby? Dropping two babies!¡±
Selene: ¡°I don¡¯t count?¡±
Mammon: ¡°You have freaking wings! It¡¯s not my or the Goddess¡¯ fault that you didn¡¯t use them¡ Of course Fortuna is sleeping¡¡±
After waiting for over an hour, Mammon got out of the basket, and beat on the door himself. Still no answer, so he tried to open the door. Which was barred.
Mammon: ¡°Welp, maybe a window? I might get a thief class skill or something.¡±
Mammon walked around the cabin a few times, scouting the cabin. The only open window was on the second floor. After a few seconds of thinking, his ears perked up, and tails started wagging as he flexed his fingers and claws popped out. He started stretching, and then finally started to climb up the wall to the window.
Mammon: ¡°Best. Decision. Ever. These things are hella useful¡ Now that I¡¯m half-way up, it just now came to me that I could probably pick the damn lock. Or send Selene in to unlock the door. Or find a new house. But nooooooo I had to climb up a two story building. Break into the damn house I was abandoned at, open the freaking door, drag in my sleeping dead-sister-wife, relock the door, and get back into the basket. Should make a good mystery for the village ¡®Where did the babies come from?¡¯ or ¡®How did they get in?¡¯¡±
If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.
Complaining the whole way, Mammon makes his way into the house, down the stairs, and unbars the door. He managed to carry in the basket, re-lock the door, and get back into the basket, just to be attacked by a hugging Fortuna. After a few minutes of trying to catch one of his tails to be used as a hug pillow, he gave up and passed out as a woman entered the cabin through the unlocked back door.
Woman: ¡°Oh my, what do we have here?¡±
---
Two months later - 2 Years old
Quest: Potty Training! --- Type: Group
Success: Manage to make it to the water closet.
Failure: Shit/Piss yourself.
---
Rewards: Bowel Control, Bladder Control.
Penalties: Dirty Diapers, shame.
Mammon: ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a good idea Fortuna¡¡±
Fortuna: ¡°But but but, I want Ki manipulation!¡±
Selene: ¡°...¡±
She says as she strikes a familiar pose and starts straining and shouting. And manages to release her bowels into her diapers.
Mammon: ¡°pffffffffft hahahahahahahhahaha¡.. Damnit¡¡±
Selene: ¡°That has to be the most amusing way to fail a quest I have ever seen¡¡±
Mammon laughed so hard that he lost bladder control, and placed his failure next to Fortuna¡¯s.
---
Three months later - Five years old Mammon PoV
Mammon and Fortuna¡¯s adoptive Mother has them lined up in the backyard to start their physical training. There are two sets of bracelets in front of them.
Mother: ¡°You have two choices for this: The path of agility, and the path of strength. This choice dictates the growth of your musculature. Agility will make you fast and graceful. Strength will make you stout and powerful.¡±
As if she wasn¡¯t even listening, Fortuna starts forward to pick the strength bracelet. I karate chop the back of her head to prevent this.
Fortuna: ¡°Ack! Ow! Why?¡±
Mammon: ¡°At least think a little bit, this will impact the rest of our life! Why are you picking strength?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Strength is more powerful?¡±
Mammon: ¡°... What weapon do you want to use?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Katana and martial arts?¡±
Mammon: ¡°You want agility for those, strength will most likely break any katana you find, and martial arts are useless if you can¡¯t dodge, or properly control your body.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°But but but, I want strength!¡±
Shit¡ Her eyes are sparkling¡ Distracting and real facts didn¡¯t work, so I will have to try the final tactic to avoid the Amazon route: The Truth!
Mammon: ¡°You¡ We¡ Um¡¡±
Crap, how do you phrase this without sounding shallow? Ask for it! That¡¯s it! I drag her off to the side, away from Mother.
Mammon: ¡°This is kind of embarrassing, but could you pick agility¡ as a wedding gift to me?¡±
Personal Title: [The Shallow]
Shhhh¡ This question will impact my love life! [Denial] activate! Oh shit, she¡¯s blushing and holding her cheeks. Crap! That means the tail is next! Quick, dodge! Not fast enough, her tail wraps around my neck and starts choking me...
Fortuna: ¡°...jdskhfhkjfhjkhfds¡± (inaudible mumbling)
I¡¯m tapping out here! Help Mother! And she¡¯s reading a book¡ You are now at the second from the bottom of my favorite people list. Right in front of that baby dropping Goddess. Wait¡ aren¡¯t tails sensitive? With the last of my strength, I get her tail in my grasp and start stroking for dear life. Oi! Why am I gaining xp for [Night Service]? This is survival! Speaking of that, whenever I pet the top of her head, that skill gets xp too¡ Maybe it has to do with the mindset of the recipient? Shit! Why am I rambling? Stroke faster! She seems to wake up, and looks at me with pleading eyes while drooling.
Fortuna: ¡°Dar- *pant* *pant* ling, not *pant* in front of Mother!¡±
Nope~ this is punishment! Wait¡ That just sounded really sadistic, and this will probably make her into an exhibitionest¡ I stop. Wait, I can do this, but not in front of mother? Impure thoughts begone! We¡¯re five damnit! I almost stepped into Pedo territory¡ Fortuna collapses and looks at me with a disappointed face¡ Oi! Was I too late? All the better that she¡¯s not gonna become a power-idiot, that route leads to an early death before the wedding night.
Fortuna manages to catch her breath, gets up and attaches herself to my waist.
Fortuna: ¡°Muuuuu Mammon is mean!¡±
I activate [Denial], and walk over to the bracelets while dragging Fortuna. Lightbulb! I pick up an agility bracelet, get down on one knee, and put it on her wrist. And dodge! HA! Suck it tail! That has to be worth at least three levels, I defeated it in a life and death grudge match! Nothing? Damnit. I really need to stop this whole thing where I ramble in an internal monologue. I sigh to the inevitable as I get hit by a Fortuna missile. Why is her face getting closer? No! Idiot! You never go for a tackling kiss, that¡¯s how accidents happen¡ Damnit, internal monologue again¡ Her forehead smashes into mine and knocks us both unconscious.
Selene, who is sitting on top of Mother¡¯s head, starts laughing.
Mother: ¡°That has to be the most awkward and hilarious thing I¡¯ve ever seen¡¡±
---
Five months later - 10 years old Mammon PoV
We are currently in Mother¡¯s study, watching her as she finishes drawing a spell circle on the floor. We are getting our first magical attribute today.
Mother: ¡°Okay, this is an attribute acquisition circle. Just walk in, place your palm on the orb, and state the attribute you want. Please be careful, and think about what attribute you want. You can only receive one attribute per ten level milestone.¡±
Fortuna looks lost already¡ Oi! Weren¡¯t you originally a smart character? Come back my smart, adorable, shy waifu!
Mammon: ¡°She means you get one attribute slot at birth, another at level 10, another at 20, ad infinitum.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°T-Tch! S-Shut up! I knew what she meant when she said it!¡±
Ah, this is a new one, Tsundere Fortuna. How refreshing. I walk up to the orb, and place my hand on it. Hmmmm¡ What attribute should I acquire? Darkness sounds pretty assassin-y. Yeah, I should go with that.
Fortuna: ¡°What were you going to make for lunch Mammon?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Bacon?¡±
Shit¡
[table=brown]
Bacon Attribute: You are now able to conjure and manipulate anything to do with bacon.
The Bacon Goddess is pleased with your choice and grants you max affinity to this attribute.
Type: Auxiliary --- Rarity: Mythical
[/table]
I WILL AVENGE YOU DARKNESS AFFINITY! I collapse, trying to hold back the tears. Mother drags me by the scruff of my neck out of the circle. Fortuna walks up to the orb and places her hand on it. And she looks lost again¡ I can practically see the loading icon hovering over her head¡
Mammon: ¡°What was Mother going to teach you to bake later?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°Muffins! Oh¡¡±
[table=brown]
Muffin Affinity: You are now able to conjure and manipulate anything to do with Muffins.
The Muffin Goddess is pleased with your choice and grants you max affinity to this elemtent.
Your luck prevents you from accessing Blueberry Muffins.
Type: Auxiliary --- Rarity: Mythical
[/table]
Nooooooooo! But I like blueberry, they¡¯re my favorite! I feel like some entity a large distance away is silently consoling me with tear filled eyes for this tragedy. Thank you brother, I hope your endeavors will succeed unlike my failure. I absentmindedly conjure a muffin. Ooh! Chocolate chip, see? Things aren¡¯t so bad afterall!
Why do I feel like that entity just clicked his tongue and called me a casual? Well screw him, I have¡ well, had a chocolate chip muffin. Fortuna looks like she acquired a new toy¡ Why do I even try?
---
Author¡¯s Notes: I¡¯m too lazy to do the postscript status screen. That, and I need to find out how to do spoiler tags¡ Anywho the ¡°growing up¡± ends next chapter Yes, Fortuna is having personality swings like a mofo. That¡¯s because she didn¡¯t have much of one to begin with¡ That, and I¡¯m setting things up for an event in a few chapters. Besides being references, the Bacon/Muffin element will be used for a few pieces of comedy, and exploits in the future.
Chapter 04 - Press Button, Receive Bacon
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
I¡¯m just going to stick with Mammon¡¯s PoV unless mentioned, I feel like it¡¯s all over the place.
---
Outskirts of the Beastkin Village - Two months later - 12 years old
I am currently hid¡ planning our next steps in the forest. It¡¯s not like I was ambushed in the middle of the night by Fortuna or anything¡ Not buying it huh? Well, I can do both can¡¯t I?
Selene: ¡°It went like this!¡±
Mammon: ¡°Oi! Don¡¯t just take over the story! I mean, don¡¯t listen to my internal monologue!¡±
Selene: ¡°Anywho~¡±
Mammon: ¡°Hey! Don¡¯t change the persepe-¡±
---
Mammon/Fortuna¡¯s room - Three hours ago
Nyahahahaha~ Oh, how I love you so hug pillow~ No wait~ Come back hugee~
I wake up to someone trying to steal my hug pillow! Nobody steals my hug pillow! Wait¡ Why am I lying in a wet spot? Shit¡ Did I? No! I slowly reach a hand down to confirm if it¡¯s really true. Crapcrapcrap- It¡¯s wet- no slimy? Wait, why am I not feeling anything?
Fortuna: ¡°Ahn~ How bold!~¡±
Wait, what? I wake up the rest of the way, to a naked Fortuna straddling my naked lower half¡ Wait¡ naked? Where are my pajama bottoms? Fortuna has really changed these past few months¡ More like changed into a full-blown pervert. I had a talk with the GMs about this, and they brought in a Psychologist. The Psychologist described her less than stellar living conditions before this, and how she never fully developed mentally due to them. Between the new situation, and all the knowledge from the internet, she developed hero worship for me. I mean, I know I¡¯m awesome, but she doesn¡¯t have to be such a fanatic about it¡ On a side note, they gave in to our dema¡ requests. I get to go back to binge watching shows on WebVids!
Shit, I should really stop these internal monologues, they will bite me in the ass some day. Like right now. Fortuna is raising her hips with a ¡°thanks for the treat¡± look on her face. Nooooo! I need an adult~ Mother! Halp! As if the heavens were favoring me, the door opens.
Mother: ¡°Ohohohohoho~ Working on grandchildren already? My, they grow up so fast~.¡±
And she gives Fortuna a thumbs up. Oi! Shouldn¡¯t a mother me more worried about underage sex? I mean, we¡¯re what, twelve? Grandchildren shouldn¡¯t even be physically possible, she hasn¡¯t had her¡ first¡ period¡ wet¡ spot? I mechanically turn my head and look at the sheets. Ah, she must have cut herself, she is really clumsy. Why isn¡¯t [Denial] activating? Crapcrapcrap. I panic, and summon the [Mortal Weapon of Mass Destruction: Mjolnir]... Oops, my chuuni is showing, I mean conjured a [Cornbread Muffin: Hospital Version]. I silently appologise to her in my heart, and swing for her temple.
A satisfying thunk later, and she falls unconscious, right onto my.... staff¡ Ah~ that feels really nice!~ No wait, we shouldn¡¯t be doing this yet. Fortuna wakes up with a shriek, giving my staff a satisfying squeeze. Ah~ that feels even better!~ Shit, swing again! Again!
I push the dea¡ I mean unconscious Fortuna off to the side, and put my pajama bottoms back on, and go off to kil¡ I mean apprehend the remaining offender. This suspect is more challenging, so I throw the muffin away, and summon the divine version of Mjolnir: A staff made of [Hospital Bacon], with a gigantic [Hospital Cornbread Muffin] on the end. For Fortuna, this might be overkill, but for that monster-- this will barely be enough. I silently pad down into the offender¡¯s lair, and find her doing her perverted laugh. I creep up behind her, and as I¡¯m about to swing, she notices my presence, and attempts to run. But~ fortunately, I planned ahead and conjured a puddle of bacon grease at her feet. She falls to the ground, and I lift my hammer, about to execute the prisoner when she begs for her life:
Mother: ¡°Y-y-you wouldn¡¯t hurt your own mother would you?
Mammon: ¡°Nope. But you aren¡¯t my mother, you¡¯re a suspect.~¡±
And I swing until she falls unconscious. After vanquishing the Ero Demon Queen, I tie up the suspects and bring them into the kitchen and wake them up. Ignoring their pleas for mercy, justice, and all that other crap, I have them writing lines as punishment. ¡°It is still too early for grandchildren, and I won¡¯t encourage underage sex.¡± for Mother, and ¡°There will be no more sex until we are at least fifteen.¡± for Fortuna.
I do a tactical retreat into the forest, to plan some worldbuilding.
---
Outskirts of the Beastkin Village - Present Time
I am currently holding a very naughty fairy by the head with two fingers. She knows what she did wrong. Anyway~ This game is really screwed up! I mean, I know it¡¯s in alpha right now, but there are limits to things! [Bacon Attribute]? [Muffin Attribute]? Our new class and title?
Cosplayer: You can now wear all class equipment, and use that class'' respective class skills.
Requires wearing cosmetic clothing of that class.
Type: Class --- Rarity: Created
Title: Chuunibyou
You are not able to learn class specific attacks, instead you must develop your own.
Please note that you will still require the proper attributes and skills/masteries.
+30% effectiveness when you shout the technique name.
Okay, I will admit that those are actually pretty nice, but I can still hate it a little right?
Anywho~ back to the worldbuilding! Selene and I are trying to create the [Adventurer¡¯s Guild]. Seriously, who makes an MMO, and doesn¡¯t create something like that? How will people get quests? Every player won¡¯t have an annoying fairy to give them quests afterall. In the last talk with the GMs, I had them disable the accelerated aging that we are going through. Why? I want to go adventuring when we hit 15, I don¡¯t want to be stuck here while doing the Developer¡¯s jobs¡ They also gave me a buttload of gold! But, I can only use it for the worldbuilding¡ Oh well, at least I can buy some in the pay to win shop! I just have to complete this project, and then I can start work on the guild.
I have a log in front of me, that I have been carving into an imitation of a stone lantern. One of the sides is open, for easier access to the ¡°contents¡±. On the top of the sculpture is a brown orb, which is connected to a spell circuit inside the top of the lid. That spell circuit is a work of art that the Goddesses, Mother and I have been working on for about a week. When an NPC channels Mana/Psy into it, it conjures a Bran muffin and a piece of bacon jerky six inches below it! When a player with an [Adventurer¡¯s Guild License] activates it, it conjures a stale Bran Muffin and a piece of Tough Bacon Jerky six inches below it! Fortuna kept bugging me to change the activation method to a button stating ¡°muffin button¡± or something of the sort, but fuck that! I ended world hunger! Fortuna and I cannot activate the spell circuit due to our weird situation. Since we are labelled as both NPCs and players by the system, this causes the spell circuit to create a feedback loop, leading to an explosion that releases smoke that smells of blueberries, bacon, and depression.
Back to the [Adventurer¡¯s Guild] front: Fortuna and I get 5% of the profits, 10% is used as taxes, and 25% goes to the local church, to do whatever churches do. I am a genius! Because of the Muffin Button¡ Damnit, even I¡¯m calling it that now¡ Anyway, because of the Muffin Button, all of the players will want to join the guild! Between the quests and the free food, players will swarm that place! We will be rich! KAH KAH KAH KAH KAH! .... Hold on while I delete that skill again. Okay, what was I doing? Oh yeah, now to go back home and try to catch up on the sleep I was interrupted from.
---
Beastkin Village - Three years later - 15 years old
Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
We are 15 now! The [Adventurer¡¯s Guild] is a major success! We are rich~ so filthy rich~! I would tell you about the process of creating it, but it involves politics. I hate politics, let¡¯s just say that Mjolnir got some heavy usage. We are on our way to the guild right now to register! We will officially start our travels tomorrow. Well, not really, we have to start at the lowest rank and do stupid shit like picking flowers, or reading to deaf children. We can probably use our influence as the Guild Masters to go faster, but that will be too cheat-like! We would draw too much attention from the players that may or may not show up¡
Anyway~ Fortuna and I are walking to the guild hall. Fortuna is attached to my arm, muttering something dangerous¡
Fortuna: ¡°Eight hours, twenty-three minutes, and sixteen seconds.¡±
Wait, what?
Mammon: ¡°Until what?¡±
Fortuna: ¡°... Are you going to make me say it? You did promise that it will happen once we hit 15, right?¡±
Did I promise her something? Hmmm¡ can¡¯t remember. Meh, I¡¯ll remember later, let¡¯s just nod my head and agree. We arrive at the guild and start the registration process, which is fairly simple. You just prick your finger, drop some blood on a card, and fill out some paperwork. We would do some simple requests, but we promised Mother that we would do go shopping. We spend all day running all over town buying stuff. The whole time Fortuna was continuing that ominous countdown. It was mostly ignored, until we were on the way home, when I realised what was going on. Oh yeah, that promise. Oh well, It¡¯s not like I wasn¡¯t holding back these past three years, let¡¯s finally give her what she wants.
Oh yeah, We are level ten now! Fortuna chose the Light Attribute, and I finally got the Dark attribute! Ninja times are a-coming~. Show them our stats Selene.
[table=red]
Thanks for the hard work! The game will be able to be re-released in a year! We have some good news, and some bad news...
The good news: Due to your actions, you will be made into undercover GMs!
The bad news: Due to your so called "world building", you have become key
figures in the world! Your current characters will be fully converted into NPCs and set on an "autorun" AI.
You two will have to remake your characters again. Sorry!~ You will get to keep your race, class, titles, and attributes though.
Your skills will be reset to level zero though.
Sorry, and thanks again! -The Dev Team
[/table]
The fuck? Nuuuuu! I just fully resolved myself to finally go all the way! I want to cry!
---
Casa de Madre
Mammon: ¡°Goddamn figures, same as last time Fortuna, just don¡¯t touch your fucking umbilical cord this time.¡±
Fortuna: ¡°... *sob*¡±
It looks like Fortuna is depressed for a completely different reason... And so we started the skill grinding again¡
Woah! That¡¯s different, why are the walls convulsing?
---
Beastkin Village - About nine months later
That has to be the weirdest feeling in the world¡ Being born? It¡¯s like someone is squeezing and twisting you at the same time¡
Female #1: ¡°And another one, twins!¡±
Female #2: ¡°Are they fine?¡±
Male: ¡°Yes, they are, now hand them to me you Ero Demon! First the boy [Inspect]. Hmmmm. Min Luck¡ Has the same aura as his Mother, like he could ruin everything with a touch¡ Your name will be Midas!¡±
Female #2: ¡°Hey! That was mean! Gimme!¡±
Male: ¡°Now for the girl¡¡±
Oi! why was I handed over? This can¡¯t be happ¡ Yeah, it can be happening, I blame the Devs again....
Male: ¡°[Inspect] Max Luck! Hoho! Taking after ¡®ol daddy eh? Your name shall be¡ hmmmm¡¡±
Oi! Why do I feel like he¡¯s using the Wifi implant? Noooooo¡ This is cliche as hell!
Fortuna: ¡°Ooh! Yunqi-e- ACK! Ow! Stop that, what if I dropped Midas?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Oi! Just don¡¯t translate luck into Chinese! And all the bad luck in the world wouldn¡¯t free us of him or you, so he¡¯d be fine.¡±
Uh huh, I completely agree old-me¡ I mean Dad. Well that was weird, calling myself Dad¡ Mom is blushing while holding her cheeks¡ Really? You take that as a compliment? Ugh, I can feel Dad¡¯s internal monologue from here, is it really this irritating for everyone else?
Mammon: ¡°Anywho~ You shall be Tyche.¡±
Someone knocks at the door. Wait¡ Don¡¯t tell me¡ Dad carries me to the door, stopping only to pick up Mjolnir. He opens the door and finds a basket with a baby in it. Ah! Are the Beta Testers here? Anyway, go away kid, this house already has two.
Mammon: ¡°Your gifts aren¡¯t welcome here Jesse Spencer. Huh? Weird, why did I say that?¡±
He then picks up the basket, and walks down the road, and places the basket in front of a random house, knocks, and runs like hell. We return home, and Moth¡ Grandmother tries to take me from Dad. Naturally, I hiss at her, and conjure bacon shards to defend myself. Grandmother instinctively flinches and mumbles something about there being another one¡
Where is Selene? If I know her at all, she¡¯s probably hiding in that potted plant, trying not to piss herself in silent laughter¡ A gasp confirms my theory. Get your ass over here and show us our stats!
Status
Name:
Tyche
Level:
0
Class:
Cosplayer
Race:
Chimera
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
HP:
20/20
Mana/Psy
40/40
Resource:
---
Stamina:
20/20
Physical
Agility:
2
Strength:
2
Defensive
Constitution:
2
Endurance:
2
Mental
Intellect:
2
Wisdom:
2
Other
Dexterity:
2
Perception:
2
Spirit:
2
Luck:
MAX
Status
Name:
Midas
Level:
0
Class:
Cosplayer
Race:
Chimera
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
HP:
20/20
Mana/Psy
40/40
Resource:
---
Stamina:
20/20
Physical
Agility:
2
Strength:
2
Defensive
Constitution:
2
Endurance:
2
Mental
Intellect:
2
Wisdom:
2
Other
Dexterity:
2
Perception:
2
Spirit:
2
Luck:
Min
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Yes, I hate hospital food. The hospital near me has rock hard muffins, and their bacon is either indestructible, or shatters into shards of glass. When I went to a different hospital once, the food was infinitely better, I cried tears of happiness. Anyway, the chapter is really late, because someone mentioned Cup of Olea. I spent the time I should have spent writing, reading that. I will promise that the Bacon and Muffins will only be used for comedic relief and whatnot. And no skills because it¡¯s like 7AM.
Chapter 05 - Appearance is Everything
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Treehouse - 15 months later - 15 Years old
Oh WebVidz, how I missed you~! I hope they figure out who the killer is, I mean, it¡¯s pretty obvious it was the Maid. I mean come on! It¡¯s always the goddamn Maid¡
Selene: *cough*
Seriously, do people never check the criminal records of people when they get hired on as a maid? That¡¯s the first thing I¡¯d do if i hired anyone¡ Filthy casuals¡
Selene: *cough*
Tyche: ¡°What?¡±
Selene: ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be doing your monologue or something?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I am, if you don¡¯t like it do your own.¡±
Midas: ¡°Shhhh! It¡¯s the finale!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Just do a short flashback roll, there¡¯s like twenty minutes left.¡±
---
Home - 10 months ago - 5 years old
*sigh* Attribute acquisition again¡ Hopefully this works¡ I send Midas ahead first this time with a note saying ¡°Fire Attribute¡±. Of course, it¡¯s successful, he can be pretty smart if you leave written instructions. Most of the time. Okay, my turn, hopefully it works this time!
Tyche: ¡°Blueberry!¡±
[table=black]
The Blueberry Goddess is away on vacation. Please call back later. You will automatically be assigned an attribute.
Spatial Affinity: You are now able to manipulate space.
For having already reached your personal space, you receive max affinity with this attribute.
Type: Auxiliary --- Rarity: Mythical
[/table]
That¡¯s it, I quit! No more blueberries for me! Wait¡ [Personal Space]? Wasn¡¯t the [Personal Space] we went to with Jesse Spencer huge? Nice~ Since there is no inventory in this game, let¡¯s use that instead! Well, there is inventory-like things, like spatial bags and rings, but the cost to space ratio is horrendous. Anywho~ let¡¯s get to practicing!
---
Home - 8 Months ago - 7 years old
I walk in front of my dad, lift my arms and grunt. He gets the message, and lifts me up into his lap. See? This is why I keep him around. I hold up a brush, he takes it and starts brushing my hair. See? I trained him well. I¡¯m debating about stopping myself from getting any taller when I get so tall, being short has it¡¯s uses. People think I¡¯m younger, and I get free stuff, and/or preferential treatment! I think I¡¯ll ask him if he¡¯s finished the project I asked of him. It will be really useful for bringing up my stealth skills again!
Tyche: ¡°Dad¡±
Mammon: ¡°Yes sweetheart?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Is the project done?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Yes, do you want it now?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Is it built to exact specifications?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Two sheets of pasteboard with corrugation in the middle?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Perfect!¡±
Mammon: ¡°What¡¯s it for?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Stealth training, the cardboard box is the premier stealth infiltration item. You should make one for yourself.¡±
Mammon: ¡°Whatever, it¡¯s in the study.¡±
It¡¯s¡ beautiful! Just looking at it, I get the urge to jump in it. But I must persevere! It must wait until I¡¯m near the village! This training has no use if there is nobody nearby! I pull up my face scarf, and run to the village.
This was the best idea ever! I¡¯m raking in the EXP for my stealth skills! And the feeling, I just feel one with everything in it, like I¡¯ve attained inner peace! It turns like a dream~. I¡¯m in love~. Crap, I missed nap time. Must make it home, or else I will fail the mission. Avenge¡ me¡ Para Medic! I pass out.
I wake up, there is a set of decently sized breasts in front of me. Where am I? Noo! I was captured! And it¡¯s a terrorist organization too: The Demon Unit. It¡¯s two chief members are in front of me torturing me by styling my hair. Nuuuuuuu! Send in the Green Beret new guy, I need a rescue! Midas enters the room, he will save me!
Midas: ¡°Whatcha doing?¡±
Grandmother: ¡°Playing dress up.¡±
*GASP*! That¡¯s against the Geneva Convention!
Midas: ¡°Can I play too?¡±
No! The new guy joined the terrorist organization Halp! Send in that Legendary Mercenary guy!
Fortuna: ¡°Doesn¡¯t she look adorable with her bangs covering her eye like that?¡±
Grandmother: ¡°Kyaa! Totally!¡±
What¡¯s the point in living anymore?
Midas: ¡°No, this is better, Twin-Tails is always better!¡±
Tyche: ¡°T-Tch! S-Shut up!¡±
Mammon: ¡°What are you doing?¡±
*gasp* He¡¯s here! Big Dad! He will save me for sure! He walks up to me. Yay! Dad to the rescue~! He pulls out two torture devices. No~ TRAITOR! He puts one on each side of my head, and gives me side-tails. My hair turns steel blue, Dad hands me Mjolnir. I get up and turn to the terrorists.
Tyche: ¡°Any last words?¡±
Midas/Grandmother/Fortuna: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°DIE!¡±
The ¡®Dere is in the Hair: Your personality matches your hair, or is it that your hair matches your personality? It¡¯s a mystery!
Type: Passive/Cosmetic
[The ¡®Dere is in the Hair] Has been absorbed by [Cosplayer]
Home - 2 months ago - 13 years old
Fortuna: *sob* ¡°Why are they bigger?¡±
Midas: ¡°Yeah why?¡±
They are currently hugging my waist while cupping my breasts. Not the weirdest situation I¡¯ve been in, but I¡¯ll allow it, because this whole situation reeks of dumbassedry¡
Grandmother: ¡°Nooo! You¡¯re doing it wrong! Use your wrist more!¡±
What is she saying? Ahn~ that feels nice~. Pinch a little! Harder~! That¡¯s right! There~. Wait¡ Stop¡ Noo~. I climax, and fall to the floor in a spasming heap. After I regain my senses, I drag myself out of the room to Dad¡¯s study to grab Mjolnir, [Yandere Hair is the Dere] activates and my hair turns steel blue, and I get a side tail hair style. I go to punis¡ murder the target. As an afterthought, I stop by our room and change my underwear, as wet underwear gets uncomfortable after a while. I find my future victim in the kitchen, whistling a tune while occasionally adding lyrics about great-grandchildren. I don¡¯t hesitate, and swing. *BOOM* She flies into the wall, and blows right through it. I heft Mjolnir onto my shoulder, and casually walk up to my dead victim, drag the body over to a tree, and tie her to it. For a finishing touch, I pour honey on her. That will show her the pain of not listening to Dad and I¡¯s lessons. Wait, aren¡¯t they my lessons? Fuck, this whole ¡°I am my own father¡± business is confusing¡ My mission complete, my hair changes back to blonde with drills. Mjolnir turns into a scepter, that¡¯s it, no bacon or muffins, just a plain metal scepter. Hmm¡ [Tsundere Hair is the Dere] My hair turns orange with twin-tails, and the Scepter turns into a harisen¡ Yay~! Dad improved it! I¡¯ll ask him for it too, I mean it was mine originally. Fuck! This whole scenario is fucked! I¡¯ll just steal it if he says no.
Mammon: ¡°So, what happened, and did she deserve it?¡±
Tyche: ¡°They were complaining about the size of my breasts, and the Ero Demon turned it into molestation¡¡±
Mammon: ¡°I don¡¯t know why you are complaining Midas, but you two do know that you have body manipulation right? Just change it yourself!¡±
Midas/Fortuna: ¡°Ah! You¡¯re right!¡±
Ah, I knew the whole situation reeked of dumbassedry!
They immediately use [Body Manipulation] and give themselves ridiculously huge breasts¡ Yep, a complete dumbass festival. Personally, I think anything over a handful is a hindrance, but that just might be my almost B cups speaking. I swing the Harisen at the back of their heads. *thwak-thwak* Ah, two hit combo! That sound is therapeutic, knowing Midas, I will have many opportunities to do this¡
Mammon: ¡°Ah, you saw that I upgraded it for you?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yay! Thanks Dad!¡±
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
I give him a hug, because usefulness should be rewarded. That, and it saves me the trouble of stealing it.
---
Tree House - 2 weeks ago - 15 Years old
I¡¯m slowly stroking Midas¡¯ staff as I reposition my slit over his face-
---
Tyche: ¡°Oi! Just don¡¯t start in the middle, people will misunderstand!¡±
Selene: ¡°Oops! Tehee *bonk*¡±
I grab her head with two fingers.
Tyche: ¡°This isn¡¯t something you can solve with an ¡®Oops! Tehee!¡¯¡±
Selene: ¡°I¡¯m sowwie! I repeeeeeeent! Let go! It¡¯s stretchiiiiiii-¡±
---
Tree House - 2 weeks ago, 10 minutes before last flashback - 15 years old
Midas: ¡°Tyche, do you love me?¡±
Woah, where is this coming from? It¡¯s not like we aren¡¯t living, sleeping, bathing, and eating together already? And we say it before we go to bed? What, sue me, I do love him. I blame the hormones.
Tyche: ¡°Yes, I love you. What is this about?¡±
Midas: ¡°We¡¯ve turned 15, and we still haven¡¯t had sex yet. Especially after the last time after we turned 15¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Now I have a question for you.¡±
Midas: ¡°Yes?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Do you want kids? Because I obviously don¡¯t want them yet, and that¡¯s why I¡¯m trying to find the right way to stop my egg cycle with [Body Manipulation].¡±
Midas: ¡°Condoms?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Did you not notice the armor penetration passive we got last week? That would invalidate the whole purpose of condoms wouldn¡¯t it? And I don¡¯t even know if it really works that way, and I don¡¯t want to chance it.¡±
Aww, how adorable, he looks so crestfallen. Should I do it? Meh, fuck it, if anything, we can tell everyone else it¡¯s skill grinding. I push him down and try to open the front of his yukata¡ This thing is proving tougher than fort knox, the not to the belt is underneath him. Seriously, who wears yukatas anymore? Dumbasses that¡¯s who. Irritated, I take out one of the many knives I have secreted about my person, and cut the damn belt off.
Midas: ¡°Tyche, what are you doing?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I said we couldn¡¯t have sex yet, nothing was said about oral sex...¡±
Midas: ¡°Really, you would do that just for me!¡±
Tyche: ¡°N-No, it''s not like I¡¯m doing this just for you! I doing this because you get to repay the favor too, that¡¯s all.¡±
Ah, [Tsundere Hair is the Dere] activated¡. damnit. I try to ignore the shame and grab his staff. I¡¯m slowly stroking Midas¡¯ staff as I reposition my slit over his face. Just as I¡¯m about to start a window appears in front of my face:
[table=red]
Greetings Beta Testers!
Would you like to disable skill assist?
This option is for the hardcore players, if played right, your combat and crafting will be more effective.
Warning: Please note that you will lose all skills with levels.
Passives will be fine.
-The Devs
No
Yes
[/table]
Shit, I¡¯m trying to give a blowjob here screen, go away! I irritably swipe randomly at the screen. Just as I get my mouth on his staff¡ Really? He came from just that? All that psyching up, and it¡¯s over just like that? Nuuuuuuuuuuuu my nervousness! I want it back! Ah, that¡¯s right, we¡¯re virgins...
Now hold on a minute, before you ask ¡°Did you really suck his cock?¡± I will present a question to you: ¡°Would you suck a cock for a skill?¡± Because I would, and I did. All jokes aside, we love each other, and we kind of are bonded in the soul, so of course sex would happen eventually. That, and we¡¯re technically shapeshifters, so there is no straight or homosexual. Who wrote that rule? I did, because I invented the precedent, so moving on¡ Wait¡ Skills? What was that window I swiped at randomly?
I open my skill screen¡ Error 404: Active skills not found. Nooooooo our skills! The numerical representation of our cheatitude! GIVE THEM BACK! Meh, fuck it, I can always find other exploits. And this endeavor got us a whole point in Endurance! Yes! We will fuck ourselves until our endurance caps out! Why isn¡¯t anything happening back there? And Midas is passed out¡ I sit on his face until he wakes up from lack of oxygen.
Tyche: ¡°Oi! Wake up, you still haven¡¯t done me yet! And for this little stunt, you aren¡¯t leaving until I¡¯m satisfied~.¡±
---
Treehouse - Present time - 15 Years old.
Goddamnit! The maid got away! Never goddamned fails!
Selene: ¡°It¡¯s over right? Can you let me down now? Seriously, who are you recounting your life to?¡±
For being naughty, I tied Selene up in turtle-shell bondage, and hung her from the ceiling rafters. I pull out a knife, and throw it at the string. The string is cut, and Selene falls into my outstretched palm.
Selene: ¡°SCARY! WHY DO IT THAT WAY!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Why? Because I didn¡¯t want to get up. Midas¡¯ lap is mighty comfortable. And I¡¯m recounting our life to the viewers.¡±
Selene: ¡°Viewers?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yeah, the viewers, Midas and I are some weird Digital spirit hybrid in a mana crystal. There has to be someone watching us all the time. That, or some weird guy is sitting in front of a computer making this up as he goes along. That blowjob scene must have been hella awkw- ACK! Ow! Why!¡±
The Bastard just hit me with my own harisen! This requires strict punishment!
Midas: ¡°You do that to me whenever I say something like that. You said it was something called ¡®not respecting the wall¡¯ or something like that.¡±
Oh, I¡¯m sorry fourth wall, I will try not to do it again.
Tyche: ¡°*cough* A-anyway¡ We should pack up now, since we leave tomorrow!¡±
While we are packing, I¡¯ll describe our looks and equipment! I¡¯m 4¡¯5¡± tall, almost B-Cup breasts, and I¡¯m wearing a hooded miko miniskirt outfit, with a scarf that I pull up to hide my face. Obviously the hood has holes for my ears. I have leather arm and shin guards, and a vest weaved out of silk from some big ass monster spider. Why a miko outfit? Because it makes me look goddamned adorable~! That, and it¡¯s a clever disguise for an assassin¡ And I use it to heal, because Midas obviously isn¡¯t going to heal. You can¡¯t cure dumbass, but you can certainly heal it to keep it from dying off. Why would I let him die off? He''s my dumbass.
Midas is 5¡± tall, silver hair, and looks goddamned exactly the same as Fortuna, flat chest and everything, except for you know, the penis. He basically wrapped his arms and legs up in bandages, leather armor, and then put a yukata on on top of that. He says he¡¯s ¡°cosplaying¡± a samurai and alley brawler? road assaulter? lane quarreler? Street Fighter, that¡¯s it.
Anywho~ it¡¯s bed time, and we have to get up early, Selene, give them the stats.
Status
Level:
10
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
210
Mana/Psy:
270
Resource:
---
Stamina
310
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
20
Strength:
12
Defensive
Constitution:
20
Endurance:
30
Mental
Intellect:
25
Wisdom:
20
Other
Dexterity:
12
Perception:
8
Spirit:
16
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Fire:
25%
Earth:
25%
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Yes, I wrote that blowjob scene just to make that ¡°for a skill¡± joke. Yes, it was hella awkward. This whole series originated on a question I came up with from all the skill whore stories here on RoyalRoad, the proverbial ¡°I would do anything for a skill.¡± Well, would you suck a dick for a skill? Thought so¡ Now that I think about it, with the MGS reference, it was a pretty nice coincidence that Tyche has fox parts¡
Oh yeah, I also did that skill assist thing, because I didn¡¯t want to keep track of all of those skills. A true Chuuni doesn¡¯t use skills, he/she just pulls something out of their ass, and shouts a random technique name.
Chapter 06 - Luck is a Fickle Creature
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Tyche: ¡°I give my life~ Not for honor, but for you~ In my time there''ll be no one else~ Crime, it''s the way I fly to you~ I''m still in a dream, Box-Sama!~¡±
Oh, hello again! We are currently on our way to Chesterwood. It¡¯s the home of the Bounty Hunters Guild. That¡¯s the polite name for the Assassin¡¯s Guild I¡ my Dad made. Anywho, you can place bounties on criminals and player killers, or go there to collect the reward on the bounties you killed or captured. Hold on a second.
Tyche: ¡°Faster Engine!¡± *thwack*
That¡¯s Engine, the player that was dropped in front of our house. He¡¯s been trying to get close to Midas and I, to get a twincest threesome. I find it hilarious that he hasn¡¯t figured out that Midas is a guy, or that I used to be a guy. Anywho~ we just need to kill him off in a way that he won¡¯t know it¡¯s us that did it. Bandits will do nicely for that. Why do I call him Engine? That¡¯s easy, why walk when you can ride? Midas is sitting in the box, and I¡¯m sitting on his lap, while Engine is carrying the box. I told him that it was strength training. Oh! That bush just moved in a weird way, hopefully it¡¯s bandits!
Bandit: ¡°Leave the girls, and the valuables, and we¡¯ll let you live!¡±
Ah, speak of the devil! The loss of the EXP the bandits are worth will suck, but it will be worth it to be rid of the hindrance. I absorb the box into our [Personal Space]... Let¡¯s just call it inventory to simplify things, yeah, laziness is best. As Midas and I land, I ¡°trip¡± and stumble, and while I¡¯m getting back up, I pop out a claw, and cut one of Midas¡¯ boot laces. Forgive me World, for I may have unleashed Ragnarok. I hop back, and revert my hair to its neutral state: Blonde with Drills, so I have my scepter.
Tyche: ¡°You two take care of this, I¡¯ll stay back and support you.¡±
Engine: ¡°Aight!¡±
Okay, while they are charging forth to do my bidding, I will explain some things. Luck impacts EVERYTHING in this game. I¡¯m not kidding at all about that. Those damn incompetent developers put a luck check into every goddamned action taken in the game. Take for instance: I was walking through the woods once when I was seven (the second time), and I tripped over an unearthed chest full of jewels and gold coins¡ I¡¯ve walked that path half a dozen times that day, and it wasn¡¯t there before. The second example is about to happen:
Midas: ¡°Kyaa!¡±
Ah~, that girlish scream of his is adorable, it heals my heart. As you might have guessed, Midas just tripped due to the bootlace I just cut. He falls right into Bandit-A, who gets pushed onto Bandit-B¡¯s sword, impaling him. Then, Bandit-B backs away in horror, and trips, busting his head on a rock that wasn¡¯t there before. Bandit-C, not able to stop in time, trips over Bandit-B, eviscerating himself with his own sword. This chain of mass destruction continues for at least twenty more minutes, until all that is left standing is me, two bandits who surrendered, and¡ Hold on a second¡
I walk over to Midas to help him up, and on the way to him, I push over Engine, who died standing with an arrow in his eye. After helping up Midas, I turn around to face our new prisoners.
Tyche: ¡°Okay, I have one question for you, and you may live depending on your answer: Where is your base?¡±
Surviving Bandit #1: ¡°...¡±
Surviving bandit #2: ¡°Screw you Bitch, I¡¯ll k- ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!¡±
I conjure a portal above and under him, causing him to fall in an infinite loop. Interrogating prisoners: Now that¡¯s thinking with Spatial Magic! Hmm¡ I wonder how far I can launch him straight up? I release one of the portals. Oops, Wrong portal! I released the bottom one, and my prisoner gets launched at the ground with an incalculable velocity. I step behind a tree, pulling Midas with me to evade the splash.
Tyche: ¡°Oops~! Teehee~!¡± *bonk* ¡°So~, Where. Is. Your. Base?¡±
Smart Bandit: ¡°Don¡¯t kill me, I¡¯ll tell you everything!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Okay, let me clean up here first, and then you can take us there.¡±
I skip over to ground zero, and start conjuring portals underneath all of the bodies, bringing them into my inventory. We¡¯ll turn them in at the Bounty Hunter guild, to see if they¡¯re worth anything. I summon our chariot, and Midas hops in, and i sit in his lap. I have Engine Jr. carry us to the Bandit base.
Once there, we properly collect our spoils of war, like any sane person would. We also found a few things that will ensure we travel in style: A pull cart, a harp, and a bag of an herb that I will call Fairynip. This trip will be fun~.
We climb into the cart, where I reward Midas for his massacre today with a lap pillow. I reach into my top, and pull out Selene, and place her on Midas¡¯ chest, and slowly rub the top of her head until she wakes up. Once she wakes up, I sprinkle some fairynip on her face. While waiting for it to kick in, I pull out the harp, and bring up some harp lessons on the wifi implant. Engine Jr starts pulling the cart towards Chesterwood while I practice the harp, and Midas watches Selene tripping balls, or tits. Yeah, let¡¯s go with that, Selene is tripping tits.
Midas: ¡°So why are we going to the Bounty Hunters Guild?¡±
Tyche: ¡°To learn how to sneak properly without skill assist, assassinate people, and whatnot.¡±
Midas: ¡°So wha-¡±
Tyche: ¡°There are all kinds of bounty hunters, we¡¯ll find someone for you to learn from.¡±
Midas: ¡°And then wha-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Then we will go to another city with an Adventurer¡¯s Guild, and start taking requests.¡±
Engine Jr.: ¡°How do you kno-¡±
Midas: ¡°She is 1/64th Cherokee, she can listen to the heart of nature.¡±
Engine Jr.: ¡°Then wha-¡±
Tyche: ¡°He is 1/28th Navajo, which can do the same thing.¡±
Selene: ¡°I can taste what you are saying~!¡±
Midas/Tyche: ¡°...¡±
Anywho, I continue practicing songs from video games, while Midas hums along, and Selene tries to dance.
---
Chesterwood Gate - 3 Hours later
Guard: ¡°Halt! State your business.¡±
Midas and I hand over our Adventurer¡¯s License, and he looks expectedly at Engine Jr.
Tyche: ¡°We¡¯re taking him to the Bounty Hunters Guild for the reward.¡±
Guard: ¡°You don¡¯t have to do that, just leave him here with me.¡±
*sigh* There are dirty guards everywhere. Look to the left, look to the right, signs are clear. I remember the fact that I can¡¯t summon blueberry muffins, and start crying hysterically. Oh! Looks like the Guard Captain is coming. Thank you MAX Luck!
Guard Captain: ¡°What¡¯s going on here?¡±
Tyche: ¡°He-he-he said that I should let him take our prisoner, and that I should follow him to an Inn, or else he will arrest my fiance.¡±
Guard Captain: ¡°Again? You are under arrest! Hold on, let me get someone to escort you and your prisoner to the guildhouse.¡±
Tyche: *hic* ¡°Thanks Mister.¡±
Arrested Guard: ¡°The bitch is lying! I didn¡¯t do it, I swear!¡±
Guard Captain: *thunk* ¡°Shut up you, I won¡¯t listen to your lies!¡±
Crocodile tears, works every time~. Nobody tries to take my possessions, and I¡¯m sure as hell not pulling the cart anywhere. Our escort appears, and leads us to the guildhouse. Exiting the cart while storing it into our inventory, we go inside. We register, which is pretty much the same process as becoming an adventurer, but instead of paperwork, they use our Adventuring License. Our bounty hunting license is pressed onto our adventuring license and they become one.
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
Clerk: ¡°So, what else can we do for you today?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Is there a room where we can drop bodies off for inspection?¡±
Clerk: ¡°Follow me.¡±
He leads us into the back, to a room with lots of drains, and windows.
Tyche: ¡°We¡¯re gonna need a bigger room.¡±
Clerk: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°Seriously, watch.¡±
I dump a dozen bodies on the floor from our inventory.
Clerk: ¡°How much bigger?¡±
Midas: ¡°Big enough to hold a bandit group? It was a rather large one¡¡±
Clerk: ¡°... Follow me, bring those with you.¡±
I put the bodies back into our inventory, and follow him back into the hallway, where he brings us down a staircase, and leads us into a large room. He motions for me to continue, so Midas and I start dumping bodies in small piles everywhere, while being careful to leave a path between each pile. Luckily, the room was big enough, and there was space for another four piles. I did have to ask for a tub for Mr. Gravity-Victim though.
Clerk: ¡°Wha-How-Why-?¡±
Engine Jr: ¡°Have you ever seen two carriages about to hit each other, and you know what was about to happen, but you can¡¯t do anything about it, and want to look away, but can¡¯t? It was like that, it was¡¡±
Clerk: ¡°Okay¡ Let¡¯s take this prisoner to the holding cells, and then we can issue a receipt. This will take quite a bit of time to search and confirm the bodies.¡±
We drop Engine Jr off at the cells, get our receipt and leave the guildhouse. Now let¡¯s go find an Inn, Chesterwood is known for its hot springs~. I grab Midas¡¯ hand and we head off to the best Inn in Chesterwood.
---
Hot Spring - Women¡¯s side
Haaaaa~ Hot springs are the best~. While I luxuriate in the awesomeness of the hot spring, I will explain why we didn¡¯t receive any EXP from those bandits. That whole incident was considered one big accident by the system. The system tracks intent, and if you don¡¯t mean to do it, it isn¡¯t counted against you. Hold on a second, Selene is floating off. I grab Selene, and tangle her in the hair of my right drill. I lean back and get comfortable, now where was I? Oh, the Luck! Midas¡¯ MIN Luck isn¡¯t really a bad thing per se, it just makes him and the people around him accident prone. My luck makes me immune to that, but it has a nice synergistic effect with his. Usually, they would have just tripped, fell in a hole, etc-- but my luck ¡°saved¡± Midas and I by having them fall into accidents.
Male Voice: ¡°What are you doing here, this is the Men¡¯s side!¡±
Midas: ¡°Kyaaaaaaa!¡± *splash*
Midas lands in front of me, looks like he was mistaken for a girl again¡ Oi! Don¡¯t wear your towel around your chest like that, it will cause misunderstandings like what just happened! I drag him over to the edge, and sit on his lap. Haaaa~ sitting on his lap in a hot spring is the best~!
Midas: *sob* ¡°It happened again¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°...¡±
Selene managed to get loose, and float away again, which saved me from having to respond. I go fetch her, and return to my seat, where I am welcomed to a world of pain¡ That¡¯s right, I managed to sit on his staff¡ Compared to getting hit by a truck, and then falling into the path of another, this is just a walk in the park, but unexpected. In other words, it hurt like a motherfucker!
Midas: ¡°... Did you just? Ah~¡±
A small wisp of red in the water answers his question. I look to the left, then I look to the right, things are clear. Meh, I did manage to solve the egg cycle problem, so things will be fine. To stop this, I just used [Absorption - Trait] on a falcon. I now lay eggs, so no more period~! Then, I used [Body Manipulation] to seal the oviduct, so no more eggs to be fertilized! We can now fuck like rabbits, and cap our endurance! Shit, I¡¯m using my monologue to delay things¡
I try to raise my hips, which is a pretty weird thing to do when sitting on someone¡¯s lap while facing away from them in a hot spring. Lightbulb! I get up, cast some healing energy on my lower half, to heal the damage, and I turn around and sit down on his staff, and break my hymen again¡ Turns out that healing spells restore the hymen¡ I blame his shitty luck. Look Ma, I lost my virginity twice in the same hour, be proud of my awesomeness! Shit, rambling again...
Midas: ¡°You tried to heal it, only to find out that it restores the hymen didn¡¯t you? Ahh~¡±
Tyche: ¡°Sh-shut up! Why do you have to be smart now, of all times idiot? Distract me!¡±
[Tsundere Hair is the Dere] activates, and my hair changes, dropping Selene into the water again, I fish her out, and put her on a rock this time. I grab his hands, and put them on my breasts, which does a good job of distracting me. Sufficiently distracted, I attempt to rock my hips back and forth, which hurts a little at first, but the pleasure starts hitting me in waves. Pretty soon we are grinding and thrusting like there¡¯s no tomorrow, and the only thing you can hear is splashes and quiet moans. We learned to be quiet back home when we were stuck with using our hands and mouths. Suddenly, Midas tenses up, and with one final thrust into just the right spot, spurts his load, bringing us both to a splendid orgasm, causing me to shriek. Okay, I was wrong about being quiet, I¡¯m new to this¡ I hear footsteps approaching the entrance to the hot spring, so thinking quickly, I fix our towels, and sprawl out in the water.
Female Attendant: ¡°What happened, is everything alright?¡±
Tyche: *panting* ¡°I think we spent too long in here, I tried to get out, and slipped.¡±
Female Attendant: ¡°Do you need help?¡±
Tyche: ¡°No, I¡¯m fine, we¡¯re heading out now anyway.¡±
Shakily, we get out of the hot spring, and into the changing room, where we towel off, and put on robes. I drag Midas into the Inn, and up the stairs to our room for the rest of the fun~. After we close the door, Selene finally wakes up.
Selene: ¡°My head hurts, what happened?¡±
Tyke: ¡°Uhhhh¡¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
Shit! This wasn¡¯t in the plans! Thinking quickly, I sprinkle some more Fairynip on Selene¡¯s face.
Midas and I grinded our stats like nobody¡¯s business through most of the night, and right as we were about to stop, we were interrupted by Selene:
Selene: ¡°You get a stats screen! You get a stats screen! STATS SCREENS FOR EVERYBODY!¡±
Status
Level:
11
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
285
Mana/Psy:
317
Resource:
---
Stamina
428
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
24
Strength:
15
Defensive
Constitution:
25
Endurance:
38
Mental
Intellect:
27
Wisdom:
20
Other
Dexterity:
19
Perception:
12
Spirit:
18
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spacial:
100%
Fire:
25%
Earth:
25%
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Okay, I think I finally got the Metal Gear Solid references out of my system. Someone said something about the affinities being too high? Well, that¡¯s because they are based off of your knowledge of that attribute. You can either learn/research it yourself, or be gifted by the gods. Wifi implant is strong here. Also, the sex finally happened, which I think I didn¡¯t do too terrible at.
Info Dump - Not a Chapter
Chapter will be later tonight! Before we get to the info dump, let me state a few things.
1: Stats and whatnot doesn¡¯t really matter. Why is that? They either ignore/abuse game mechanics, and this series isn¡¯t about the game, it¡¯s about their life.
2: They switched genders! I¡¯d put something about that here, but it would sound downright ignorant.
3. Their old bodies are dead! They aren¡¯t going back! Period.
4. The Genderbend: I don¡¯t think they¡¯ll ever switch back. I spent all this time making Fortuna/Midas into a smart dumbass, so if they do switch back, there will be kids everywhere.
---
Info Dump
---
Attributes: The affinities are based off of knowledge, so you have to research, or learn about it yourself. The Goddesses/system can grant boosts to it, but it just adds the perks, and not knowledge on how to use it. Higher affinity means lower resource cost, easier casting, and all that other cool stuff. This is how they are using Mjolnir and their Inventory all willy-nilly. They still haven¡¯t figured this out yet though.
---
Stats
---
Resources:
Hitpoints: Your health, hitting zero means you die.
Mana/Psy: Energy used for Magic/Psychic abilities. (I¡¯m determining if I should change this to energy.)
Stamina: Your body¡¯s energy. You run out, and you pass out.
Ki: Physical/Mental Energy. Used for Martial/Spiritual Arts.
Physical stats:
Strength: If you have strength based musculature, it increases attack power. Increases body mass and overall body strength.
Agility: If you have agility based musculature, it increases attack power. Increases speed and evasiveness. Decreases body mass.
Wisdom: Increases mana regeneration, allows better use of brain function.
Defensive Stats:
This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
Constitution: Increases Hitpoints, and the regen of hitpoints and stamina.
Endurance: Increases Stamina, and is a variable for defensive passives.
Mixed Stats:
Dexterity: Increases accuracy. Allows more refined control of body and abilities.
Luck: Governs everything and nothing.
Spirit: Increases Ki.
Perception: Governs the senses.
---
Math
---
Hitpoints: ((Level * Constitution) + 10)
Mana/Psy: ((Level * Intellect) + 20)
Stamina: ((Level * Endurance) + 10)
Ki: ((Level * Spirit) + AP Stat) (Midas/Tyche is Agility)
Spirit: ((Endurance + Wisdom) / 2)
Thank god for spreadsheets. I screwed up a few times, plugging in one stat, and forgetting to update the others. Now, I just plug in the stat, and the whole damn thing updates.
---
The ¡®Dere is in the Hair
---
Yandere - Muffin Maul: I didn¡¯t even mean to, but it ended up just like Dokuro from Bludgeoning Angel.
Tsundere - Harisen: Totally ripped off of Asuna from Negima. What? I like the harisen. It doesn¡¯t cancel magic though.
Dandere - Phaser: Fluffy blue hair. Pretty much an amalgamation of 90% of the kuuderes out there
Neutral - Scepter: Blonde with drills. Based off of every goddamned oujo character in existence. It¡¯s not exactly a ¡®dere, but who cares? It comes with +5 to plotting! (not really)
I am looking for maybe one or two more modes. If you have any suggestions (it has to have a weapon too), leave a comment. It doesn¡¯t have to be a ¡®dere though, as I was thinking of having the skill evolve into something like [Personalities? I have lots of them!] or something of the like.
Chapter 07 - Proper Gun Safety Means Not Giving Them to Children
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Inn - Rented Room - Next Afternoon
Meh, you guys again¡ Why the attitude? People won¡¯t leave us alone¡ We had a nice pink atmosphere going, and then people started bothering us with ¡°be quiet¡±, ¡°happy people should die¡± and ¡°become my disciple¡±... We¡¯ve been married-ish for about 31 months, let us have our late honeymoon in peace damnit! I need to calm down! *phew* Calm, cool, collected, calm, cool collected... ... My hair changed¡
Selene: *smacks lips* ¡°You get a passive!¡± *rolls over* *snores*
Tyche: ¡°...¡±
Dandere Mode: Your mood is as cold as your fluffy blue hair.
Type: Passive/Cosmetic
[Dandere Mode] has been absorbed by [The ''Dere is in the Hair].
Ah, a new form, I have been wondering how many there are. So they are called modes, makes sense. Let¡¯s go see what Mjolnir changed into~. I dig around in the pile of clothes on the floor, and can¡¯t find anythi- Wait found it, is it? No? Yes~ It¡¯s a motherfucking gun~! Crap, I was too cheerful, and reverted to [Neutral Mode]... Let¡¯s recite the mantra: ohmmmmmmm~ Calm, cool, collected, calm, cool, collected. I change back into [Dandere Mode], hmmm¡ let¡¯s practice, this mode seems like it will be the hardest to maintain¡ Oh! It seems that when I¡¯m calm, I can sense this energy inside me. Let¡¯s try to move it, hnnnnnng~. Oh! It increased! Hnnnnnng~. It increased again! Let¡¯s try circulating it now¡ How do I do that? Abra Cadabra~! Wingar~dium Levio~sa! ¡ Wifi implant! Let¡¯s check how the great people of the past did it. mangawarehouse dot neet. (I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s a real site, don¡¯t try it, I¡¯m not responsible for what happens.) Hmmmm, the experts of the past say that it might be Ki, and that I can either compress it, or explode it out¡ Still doesn¡¯t explain how i do that¡ Let¡¯s just go with what I was doing before¡ Hnnnnng~ Hnnnnng~ Hnnnnng~
Selene: ¡°It¡¯s dangerous to go alone! Take this!¡±
You have discovered Ki!
Ki: Hybrid of mental and physical energy, used by martial and spiritual arts practitioners.
Type: Resource
You have discovered Ki Meditation - Compression!
Ki Meditation - Compression: You cultivate your Ki by compressing it.
Type: Passive
Oh, nice~! Wait¡ Hold on¡ I pick up the gun, [Inspect]:
Ki Gun: Pistol that fires projectiles formed out of the user''s Ki.
Type: Ranged Weapon --- Rarity: Unique
That¡¯s pretty nice, I guess? I¡¯ll find out later after shooting it. I separate myself from Midas, and get out of bed while waking him up. I switch to [Neutral Mode] as I get dressed, while shoving Selene in my bra-vest armor thingy. I¡¯ll need to come up with a name for that, I¡¯ll ask Selene to put that on my to-do list, once she¡¯s sober. I head to the bathroom, and find Midas in front of the sink. As I walk past him to the toilet, I brush a finger down his spine.
Midas: ¡°NYAAAAAAAA!¡±
Oh. My. God. Cat people really do that? Awww~ the poor guy is stuck to the ceiling¡ I sit down, and do my business while Midas glares at me. Ah~ he¡¯s adorable even when he¡¯s mad.
Midas: ¡°Why would you do that!? I could have had a heart attack!¡±
I¡¯m feeling playful this morning, so I¡¯ll do this: I activate [Dandere Mode] and stare him right in the eye and say this:
Tyche: ¡°And then you would respawn./¡±
I switch back to [Neutral Mode], and start laughing until I was glad that I was already sitting on the toilet. Fear me, for this isn¡¯t even my final form! The glaring intensifies, so I try to cheer him up:
Tyche: ¡°Check your status screen in the UI, Selene is still recovering.¡±
He visibly brightens up, drops down to the floor, and slips on the rug. Awwwww~... I swear to god, he will overdose me on d¡¯awww one of these days¡ We finish up in the bathroom, and leave our room hand in hand where we run into a raccoon¡ Oh, it¡¯s a sleep deprived Inn Manager.
Racoon: ¡°You two are not welcome here anymore! GET OUT!¡±
Lady, I swear to god, don¡¯t ruin our mood, I will bust a cap. I can do that now. Ah, I should buy a surgical mask and eye patch for [Dandere Mode]... Damnit, I¡¯m really getting into my Cosplayer Class¡ Anyway~
Tyche: ¡°For what?¡±
Raccoon: ¡°You two were going at it all night, keeping half the Inn awake! I won¡¯t tolerate it!¡±
Tyche: ¡°For an Inn that boasts about its soundproofing, it seems to be pretty lacking.¡±
Raccoon: ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter, GET OUT!¡±
Tyche: ¡°I want my money back!¡±
Raccoon: ¡°NO REFUNDS, GET OUT! GUARDS!¡±
Tyche: ¡°I WANT MY MONEY BACK YOU FAT FUCKING FRAUDULENT TANUKI BITCH! THE BELLYBUTTON IS ALL BUT A TECHNICALITY NOW! I BET YOU KNOW NOOK! WHERE IS HE? THAT ASSHOLE HAS BEEN RIPPING ME OFF FOR YEARS!¡±
I¡¯m in [Yandere Mode] while holding Mjolnir, getting ready to procure myself a coon skin hat. People will call me Danielle Boone, Midas is¡ Dammit, that won¡¯t work, he¡¯s Navajo, not Cherokee, so he can¡¯t be Mingo¡ While I¡¯m deliberating a proper metaphor in my head, Midas picks me up, puts me under his arm, and runs out of the Inn.
---
Chestertown - Merchants Quarter - 15 Minutes later.
Ah! He¡¯s married to me, so he just has to join my clan, that way he can be the Cherokee Chief Mingo! My metaphor complete, I lift Mjolnir higher, ready to smite the Raccoon¡ Huh? Why am I dangling under Midas¡¯ arm like a corpse?
Tyche: ¡°Where are we?¡±
Midas: ¡°Merchants Quarters.¡±
Ah, we can sell our Bandit-loot here. Midas puts me down, turns around and walks away while calling over his shoulder that he will be right back¡ Did I just get abandoned? I walk to the sidewalk, take out Box-Sama from my inventory, place it on the ground face up, and take out my harp . I sit inside, my ears and tails are drooping.
Tyche: ¡°You''re in the arms of the Box-Sama~ May you find some comfort here~¡±
People are dropping coins into the box as they walk by. A crowd is growing around me, most likely reveling in my misery. Midas pushes his way through the crowd, and makes his way to me while holding food. Oh¡ He was fetching food, not abandoning me¡ [Tsundere Mode] activates as I start blushing, while my ears perk up and tails begin to wag.
Midas: ¡°What¡¯s going on here?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I-i-idiot! Just don¡¯t leave me like that without explaining!¡± *thwack* *thwack* *thwack*
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
I put Box-Sama, my harp, and almost 40 silver in copper into my inventory, skip up to Midas and grab his arm. It¡¯s not like I forgive him or anything¡
Tyche: *cough* ¡°A-anyway, let¡¯s go to the real estate office!¡±
Midas: ¡°Why?¡±
Tyche: ¡°If you haven¡¯t noticed, we¡¯re homeless. Unless you want to sleep in the streets or meadows, we¡¯ll head to the Real Estate office. Hold on a second.¡±
I walk into an alley, activate [Dandere Mode] and shoot the ground a few times with the Ki Gun. It¡¯s silent. I walk back to Midas, re-attach myself to his arm, and begin formulating my plan of revenge. We head to the real estate office.
---
Chesterwood Home - The Next Evening
Ah, welcome to our humble abode. Hold on a second, I¡¯m navigating the GM menu. O~hohoho! ¡ That was weird, I tried to do my evil laugh, stupid drills¡ Anyway, I just finished converting this property into a player house. You see, players can only buy certain designated properties. Since Midas and I are labelled as both a player and NPC, we can buy regular property too, but it won¡¯t be player housing. But~ We are undercover GMs! We can convert it to player housing! Isn¡¯t fair you say? Against the rules you say? Screw da rules, we gots blackmail material.
Anyway~ Player housing only lets in whitelisted players, and you can set the NPC access rights. We have both set to whitelist only, so nobody can rob us! We have a safehouse! And we can teleport to the house once a day! Convenient eh? Where are we? We¡¯re right across the street from that Bitch Raccoon¡¯s Inn. I¡¯ve been shooting at the doors and windows since last night! Right before I started, I found a switch on the side with two settings: stun and full. Full, meaning full power, is self explanatory. Stun on the other hand, only does minor damage to the nervous system, and stops when it hits solid objects. I decided to change the name from Ki Gun to Phaser. Ah, Midas entered the room.
Midas: ¡°The new bed we ordered has arrived, should I let them in to set it up?¡±
I turn around in my swivel chair. I lift my hand up.
Tyche: ¡°Make it so.¡±
I swivel back, and shoot the Inn¡¯s windows a few more times. A scream of frustration answers me. Ah~ Revenge tastes so awesome~! This must be what blueberries taste like in game! I continue practicing the harp while popping shots between songs. Ah, that¡¯s Midas calling me, I guess it¡¯s time to break the bed in~! I open up a portal above the bed and on the ground in front of me.
Tyche: ¡°Beam me up Scotty!¡±
I jump in.
---
Merchants Quarter - The next afternoon
Welcome back! Midas and I have been selling bandit loot all morning. How much did we make? Don¡¯t know. Did they screw us over? Nope~ Once we told them who our parents were, we got the best serviced in Chesterwood. Oddly enough, each of those merchants had a Mjolnir shaped scar on the side of their head. My dad sure is crazy~. I do know that we easily made back what we spent on the house. We did keep a few items from the bandits though. Namely a [Permanent Camping Ring], camp tools, and a few other odds and ends.
What is a [Permanent Camping Ring] you say? That¡¯s easy, it¡¯s a ring that summons a soundproof and vision obscuring privacy barrier. It prevents all animals, bugs, and weather from entering inside. It also has the same white-list function as player housing. You can only use it every 8 hours though, but it lasts for 24. You can¡¯t just spam it all willy-nilly though, if you cast it again while one is already up, the previous one cancels. No more keeping watch at night! We can continue our night activities while on the road! Yay~!
Now, on to our night activities, it¡¯s the perfect stat grinding training! It covers all of the stats~! Think of a better way to use the position? Here, have some Wisdom. Think of a new position? here have some Intellect. Perception¡ Let¡¯s just say Midas shot me in the eye, and I saw it cumming¡ Selene is recovering at home, we learned not to overdo it with the Fairynip. Anyway, she can¡¯t show you the stats today.
Fairy: ¡°Hey, got some Fairynip?¡±
Midas/Tyche: ¡°...¡±
Fairy: ¡°I¡¯ll suck ¡®yo dick fo¡¯ some Fairynip.¡±
Midas: ¡°No we do-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hold on there Midas, we have to see if it¡¯s human¡ fairily possible. FOR SCIENCE!¡±
Midas: *Thwack* ¡°No! How about a status screen for some Fairynip?¡±
Fairy: ¡°Status Screen? Haven¡¯t did that in quite a while, hmmmm¡. How did that go again?¡±
While the rest of this conversation is going on, I¡¯m kneeling on the ground while clutching the back of my head¡ That fucking hurt! I got carried away there, so I will forgive this transgression¡ Midas and the fairy shake hands¡ The Fairy grasps his finger, and the deal is struck. The fairy gives you our stats while Midas sprinkles some Fairynip on her face.
[table=purple]
Status
Level:
11
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
307
Mana/Psy:
339
Ki:
602
Stamina
450
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
30
Strength:
17
Defensive
Constitution:
27
Endurance:
40
Mental
Intellect:
29
Wisdom:
23
Other
Dexterity:
19
Perception:
15
Spirit:
52
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spacial:
100%
Fire:
25%
Earth:
25%
[/table]
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Oopsie! I was sleep deprived, and switched Dandere with Kuudere... I''m sowwie! There might not be a chapter tomorrow, as I have an infusion at the hospital. Anywho~ This chapter was fun. And yes, I hate Nook. With a burning passion. I wish that thieving bastard raccoon would die in a fire. And this series won¡¯t have sex scenes everywhere. If inspiration strikes my fancy, I¡¯ll put some in, otherwise, it¡¯d get boring pretty fast.
Chapter 08 - Chastity: What is that, is it Tasty?
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
I can¡¯t believe I was sleep deprived enough to mix up Kuudere and Dandere¡ Anyway~ I fixed that.
---
Chesterwood Temple Stairs
Good evening! We are currently climbing this stone staircase up to the temple. Why? So that they could teach me the finer parts of the priest trade. I take out two fairies from my vest-bra-armor thingy that I will now dub an armored corset, as the priests or priestesses will be more likely to teach me if I want to purge the Fairynip from their system. Who is this second fairy you ask? It¡¯s the same one from last time. Midas wanted to name her Tyra Biggums, but I gave him a thwack, and after a quick search on Wikipedia for Greek Goddesses, I named her Artemis. The name caused her to evolve into a Nature Fairy. Yay! The top of the stairs are in sight, I thought they would go on forever!
Male: ¡°INTRUDERS!¡±
A blur shoots towards Midas, and kicks him down the mountain. Wait, what? Not understanding what was happening, [Yandere Mode] automatically activates, and I run behind the monk and I swing Mjolnir right between his legs. As he flies up, I conjure a portal above and beneath him so he falls infinitely. As if it was an afterthought, I turn around and summon a portal where Midas where will land, and another one over the pond next to the temple.
Monk: *cough* ¡°BLURRRRRRRGHHGHGHGHG¡± *cough*
Midas: ¡°KYAAAAAAAAAA!¡± *splash*
I revert back to [Neutral Mode], and skip over to the pond to fish out my hubby who is hilariously drowning in ankle deep water... He looks like a soaked cat, which is pretty adorable. Oi! Don¡¯t wrap your chest with bandages, that will cause misunderstandings! Midas and I turn around to watch the spectacle of a Monk falling infinitely while puking. I pull a blanket, picnic basket, and my harp from our inventory. Midas starts setting up the picnic for an art viewing, while I try to think of a good song for this situation.
Tyche: ¡°This was a triumph~ I''m making a note here:~ HUGE SUCCESS~¡±
Female: ¡°What are you doing here?¡±
Midas: ¡°Having a picnic.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Appreciating fine artwork. I call it ¡®look before you step¡¯¡±
Midas: ¡°Punishing a criminal.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Dammit, I was gonna say that one.¡±
Female: ¡°Let me rephrase that, WHY are you here?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh, why didn¡¯t you ask that the first time? I¡¯m here to learn the healing arts, to cure our fairies. Hold on a second-¡±
The monk is trying to do something with his Ki, so I activate [Dandere Mode] and shoot him a few times with the phaser which is set to stun. He shrieks, and goes back to falling forever. This surprises the Shrine Maiden who was talking to us.
Shrine Maiden: ¡°How are you using your Ki that way, why do I feel a strong Ki from both of you, and what sect are you from?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Phaser./¡± *holds up phaser* ¡°Found inside./¡± *points to stomach* ¡°Muffin, Bacon, Blueberry./¡±
Shrine Maiden: ¡°Why is she talking like that?¡±
Midas: ¡°Oh, that¡¯s just a personality trait of hers, watch~.¡±
Midas goes up to me, and hugs me from behind. My practice has paid off, since my face and mood remains emotionless. Then, the cheater breaks out the big guns and nibbles my ear. My cheeks turn scarlet, [Tsundere Mode] activates, I grab his collar, and toss him over my shoulder.
Tyche: ¡°Bastard! W-w-what are you doing?¡± *thwack* *thwack* *thwack*
Shrine Maiden: ¡°What are you doing! How dare you defile a Shrine Maiden¡¯s chastity?¡±
Chastity? What is that, is it tasty? That ship has sailed a few days ago, crashed into an iceberg, and pushed off the door to make room for awesome toe curling sex. Spoiler alert: That¡¯s the best kind of sex.
Tyche: ¡°Wait, that whole ¡®chastity¡¯ thing is important?¡±
Shrine Maiden: ¡°What do you mean ¡®is it important?¡¯ It¡¯s something indicative of being a Shrine maiden! I¡¯m surprised your goddesses haven¡¯t smote you yet!¡±
Meh¡ I¡¯m really close to just getting rid of her, and then ransack the place for their scrolls, sacred texts and whatnot, but I won¡¯t. I conjure a portal under all of us, and we fall into our Inventory.
Tyche: ¡°Jesse Spencer! We need to talk!¡±
Shrine Maiden: ¡°Who is Jesse Spencer! Where are we? Why are you breaking your Sect¡¯s regulations?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Jesse Spencer is the Beastkin Goddess, we are in Midas and I¡¯s [Personal Space], and no regulations were broken.¡±
Shrine Maiden: ¡°Lies!¡±
I walk over to a bookshelf, and grab a thin leather bound book. I hand it to her, and she opens it and reads aloud:
Muffin, Bacon, and Blueberry Sect Rules and Regulations:
Don¡¯t Rape.
Pillage all you want.
Killing is cool too.
If you find the Blueberry Goddess, please report to Mammon in the village of Dolon.
Shrine Maiden: ¡°Why is the rest of the book full of recipes? This is fake isn¡¯t it?¡±
Jesse Spencer: ¡°That¡¯s because her Father wrote it that way. And no, it¡¯s legitimate, as he created the sect.¡±
Shrine Maiden/Midas: ¡°KYAAAA!¡± *hugs each other*
The sight of this irritates me to no end. [Yandere Mode] activates, and I point Mjolnir at them.
Tyche: ¡°Any last words?¡±
Midas: *groveling at my feet* ¡°I REPENT!¡±
The sight of this pleases me, but I still have to puni- murder this bitch who dares to intrude on my territory. I lift Mjolnir higher about to fix the problem.
Jesse Spencer: ¡°Please don¡¯t kill my Shrine Maiden. I kind of like her, despite her flaws.¡±
Tyche: ¡°You are lucky that your Goddess likes you Lizzie, any other person would be dead by now.¡±
Lizzie: ¡°How did you know my name?¡±
Because you are a Lizardkin? Your template just reeks of orphan, and orphans in temples get terribly cliche names.
Tyche: ¡°Moving on¡ Jesse Spencer, make her teach me stuff.¡±
Jesse Spencer: ¡°I¡¯ll tea-¡±
Lizzie: ¡°No, this isn¡¯t ¡®moving on¡¯. Tell me why?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Moving on¡¡± *hands Jesse Spencer the harisen*
Jesse Spencer: ¡°I¡¯ll tea-¡±
Lizzie: ¡°Tell me no- ACK! OW!¡±
Jesse Spencer: ¡°As I was trying to say, I¡¯ll teach you. Lizzie and her associate will teach Midas hand to hand combat.¡±
A fully clean, but soaking wet monk appears on the ground next to Lizzie. Oi! You drop babies, but not people from your own temple!
---
Training - Ki
Ki training is really boring, but the good part is that you only have to meditate until you purify your Ki levels. But you have to meditate every time more is added, so if you stay on top of things, you only have to cultivate maybe once or twice a day for a short period of time. The best part is, meditation isn¡¯t some slow process like you see in all those mangas and novels, you just have to be dutiful, not hellbent on it.
Ki manipulation is almost exactly the same as Mana/Psy manipulation, so I will skip this.
---
Training - Talismans
If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.
Talismans are the key point to being a Shrine Maiden, most of the other crap is just stuff invented to keep them from goofing off. She tried to teach me about a dozen kanji, but I learned all of them them the first time we were in Casa de Madre. Surprised about this, she continued the training, and taught me about ink.
You place some of your blood in an inkstone, which is just a stone container used to grind ink sticks, and mix them together. Why does it have to be your blood? Because your ki doesn¡¯t know jack shit about other people¡¯s blood. I excuse myself from Jesse Spencer, and walk over to Midas. Without asking, I knick his forearm, and fill a few vials with his blood. While corking the vials, I emit some light attribute mana to the wound to heal him. I walk back to the inkstone, and withdraw some vials from my forearm too. I mix one of each of our vials together, pour a little into the inkstone, and start grinding a stick of ink on it until I was told to stop. Then I mix the blood and ink together, and pour the result into an inkwell.
The talismans are ridiculously easy to make¡ You just use a brush to draw a circle, draw the needed character in the middle, draw a line down to a slightly smaller circle, draw the character for ¡°release¡± and then channel some Ki into it to charge it... Completely disappointed with how easy it is, I start to experiment. I decide to use one of the characters she didn¡¯t teach me. I chose cold, taking the finished over to Lizzie, I place it on her forehead, I form the needed hand seal while focusing on that talisman, and channel ki into it. For shits and giggles, and the extra 30% effectiveness from Chuunibyou, I shout release. Lizzie starts shivering, and lays down and enters hibernation.
Jesse Spencer: ¡°Why am I even surprised anymore? Well, that¡¯s everything I care to teach you.¡±
After she teleports away, I grin like a child who has found a new toy, and begins experimenting. My first experiment is trying to do two characters at once. I brush ((Heal)-(warmth))-(release) on a the talisman paper, and then walk over to Midas¡¯ training to wait for him to get hurt. I decide to carve a few things that will be useful for other experiments if this works.
Ah, Midas just received an open palm strike which knocks him into the air to land in front of me. Spotting my guinea pig, I move closer, put the talisman on him, and activate it. Midas is now visibly healing.
Tyche: ¡°Does it feel warm?¡±
Midas: ¡°Yes, why?¡±
I ignore the question, and go back to my experiments. I attempt the same thing, but with a wooden tile, to see if paper is even needed, which it isn¡¯t, as it was successful.
Getting really into this, I take the carved mask and rod I made earlier, and dunk them into melted wax, pull them out, and hang them to dry. While they dry, I dig through one of our wood bins, and take out a block. I cut it in half, and carve them into two stamps of ((Heal)-(Purge))-(release). I bring them over and offer them to Lizzie and her cohort.
Tyche: ¡°Dip them in your ink, and then stamp them on talisman paper.¡±
Monk: ¡°That won¡¯t work since there is no devotion involved. Blah blah blah blah blah¡±
Wordlessly, Lizzie take out her inkwell, dips her brush in, and paints the stamp. She stamps it onto the paper. I shake the talismans dry, and then withdraw the fairies from my armored corset. I wrap them in it and place them on the ground. Getting the hint, Lizzie activates them. My two fairies wiggle out of the depleted talismans, and yawn.
Artemis: ¡°That was a great nap.¡±
Selene: ¡°HEY! Just don¡¯t sprinkle Fairynip on an unknowing girl!¡±
I activate [Denial], grab the fairies, and stick them in a drill each. I head back to my carvings and find that they are dry. I begin carving through the wax into the wood of the mask the following: ((distort)-(vibration))-(channel).
Artemis: ¡°Whatcha doing?¡±
Selene: ¡°Probably something cheaty. She¡¯s good for that.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Awwww~ You know me so well.¡±
Selene: ¡°That wasn¡¯t a compliment. Who are you?¡±
Tyche: ¡°That¡¯s Artemis, a recovering fairynip addict Nature Fairy we picked up while you were out.¡±
Selene: ¡°Did she¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep, she posted our stats once.¡±
Selene: ¡°WHAAA? I WAS OFF THE JOB ONCE, AND YOU CHEAT ON ME?¡±
Artemis: ¡°What¡¯s the big deal, back in the old days, some adventurers had multiple fairies.¡±
Selene: ¡°I¡¯m not that kind of girl!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Selene¡ You know that there is a Midas in this equation right?¡±
Selene: ¡°Oh¡ Well I call dibs on you!¡±
Artemis: ¡°tch! Oh well, I¡¯ll get Midas.¡±
Ignoring the bickering fairies, I move on to the wooden rod. I carve in the following: (emit)-(((light)-(red))-(beam)-((length)-(3)-(shaku)))-(channel). The emit character is on one of the tops of the rod. I take the two pieces, and brush the ink over the exposed wood. I set those aside to dry, and practice the harp some more.
Tyche: ?Dun dun dun dun dudun dun dudun?
Artemis: Hey, that¡¯s pretty good!¡±
Selene: ¡°Yeah, she is¡ Why are you even learning the harp?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Thanks. Because it¡¯s fun? Do you guys know what a minstrel does?¡±
Artemis: ¡°They play music for money?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Well, that, but they also do other things.¡±
Selene: ¡°That is completely immoral what you are planning¡¡±
Artemis: ¡°What? Tell me!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Well, minstrels have an official capacity as a witness. Two people can reach an agreement in front of a minstrel, and it is considered legally binding. Also, it is incredibly illegal to attack a minstrel and her party.¡±
Artemis: ¡°Ah¡¡±
Yeah, she¡¯s lost, it seems like she was born to be with Midas¡ Anyways, the ink is dry, so I remove the wax from it to make it look pretty. I put on the mask, hold the rod (emit side up) and walk up to Midas, and get his attention. I channel Ki into the mask and rod, making a lightsaber:
Tyche: ¡°Midas *Ktchhhhhh Fwhooooooh* I am your father!¡±
Midas: ¡°Nooo! That¡¯s not true! ¡ Oh wait, it is¡ Can I play with it now?¡±
I just spent three hours making those to make a joke, so of course I¡¯m done with them. I take them off and hand them to him, and go back to my work area. I start taking notes to document this, since I have many exploity plans for this in the future~. One of you give them the stats, I¡¯m busy at the moment.
[table=purple]
Status
Level:
11
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
307
Mana/Psy:
339
Ki:
602
Stamina
450
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
30
Strength:
17
Defensive
Constitution:
27
Endurance:
40
Mental
Intellect:
29
Wisdom:
23
Other
Dexterity:
19
Perception:
15
Spirit:
52
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Fire:
25%
Earth:
25%
[/table]
Selene: ¡°FUCK! Damnit!¡±
Artemis: ¡°O~hohoho! Looks like someone isn¡¯t needed?¡±
Selene: ¡°Yeah, you!¡±
You guys should leave now, I have fairies to discipline.
Selene: *gasp* *hugs Artemis* ¡°N-no please? We¡¯ll play nice!¡±
Artemis: ¡°What are you talking about?¡±
I grab a fairy by the head in each hand with two fingers...
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Who is excited for the new Star Wars movie? Because I¡¯m not. This is where they will start getting really OP. But this Talisman Enchanting will have to wait for their next training. Not much else to put here, so I¡¯m out for now.
Chapter 09 - Call of Bedroom: Modern Warfare
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Chesterwood - Merchant¡¯s Quarter - Morning
How long does it take to confirm some bodies? It¡¯s been a week already.. I mean, it¡¯s only about 250 bandits that we turned in¡ When I have nothing to do lately, I¡¯ve been staring at my License. Why am I just calling it a License? Because it already has an Adventuring license, and a Bounty Hunting license. Pretty soon, it will have a Minstrel¡¯s license too. Why am I staring? To see if the BH symbol is glowing. That receipt we took, we ripped it in half, and Midas and I both took a half and pressed it into our License. When the confirmation is complete, they activate their part of the receipt, making our parts glow, which makes the card¡¯s symbol change.
Anywho~ Welcome back! I¡¯m currently dragging Lizzie through the Merchants Quarter for some much needed shopping. It¡¯s weird, they say that shopping is a genetic imperative for females, and I would have to agree with that.
Lizzie: ¡°Why am I with you?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Shopping, Midas was busy, the Fairies are being punished, that monk is an idiot, and you were free.¡±
Lizzie: ¡°His name is-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Monk.¡±
Lizzie: ¡°Whatever¡ What¡¯s the use in shopping, I have no money.¡±
Tyche: ¡°No problemo~!¡±
I bring a leather bag with fifty gold out of my inventory, and hand it to her.
Lizzie: ¡°Wha? How much is in there?¡±
Tyche: ¡°50 gold.¡±
Lizzie: ¡°WHAT!¡±
Tyche: ¡°What, is that not enough? You saw how big the piles were when we were training.¡±
She seemed to give up, so I grabbed her arm, and pulled her along on our adventure. As per usual for my shopping expeditions, I bought whatever floated my fancy. There was also a large list of things I had to procure for my new Talisman Enchanting thing I have going now. At first, Lizzie wasn¡¯t very into it, but after an hour, she warmed into it. I always thought it was an urban legend that you can die from too much shopping, but after a measly four hours, I was carrying Lizzie¡¯s corpse back to the temple. After doing that, I decide to stop by the house to see how the Fairies are doing with their punishment.
---
Chesterwood Home - Afternoon
Awwwwwwwwww~ They look so cute! I have the Fairies in a little hamster cage, that is lined with wood shavings. Selene is currently sulking in a corner, eating a sunflower seed while Artemis is absentmindedly walking on the wheel. Until they can learn to get along, they will be stuck in there. Or, until I¡¯m amused enough, let¡¯s see which one happens first. Ah, the door opened, Midas is home! Yay~ skinship time~! I strip, then skip into the entrance hall, to find him staring at a sheathed katana.
Tyche: ¡°Welcome back darling~!¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
I can¡¯t get his attention¡ I break out the big guns, and hug him from behind while rubbing his crotch. Not working¡ I grab his arm, and lead him to the bedroom, while he¡¯s still staring at that stupidass katana. Once we reach the bedroom, I strip him. To get the yukata off, I had to move one hand off the katana, slip the sleeve off the arm, replace the hand on the katana, and repeat the process with the other. Him not paying any attention to me is starting to irk me, so I give his junk a flick right on the head. He flinches, but resumes staring at the katana¡
Well, two can play at that game, I¡¯ll just have my fun anyway. I kneel down in front of him, and start stroking his shaft while licking the tip. He starts raising to the occasion, while I begin to suck on it. I reach down and start massaging my slit, occasionally giving my clit a pinch. My nipples start to feel lonely, so I go to bring a hand to one, but find that I have no hands left. Quite frustrated about my failed attempt at female masturbation, or any masturbation in general really, I¡¯m quite new to the female body thank you very much; I get up and lead him to the edge of the bed. I lie back on the edge, wrap my legs around his waist, and lead him in. Guiding him in the rest of the way, I reach a predicament¡ How do I make him go? See, parents don¡¯t teach their kids useful things like this nowadays, it¡¯s always responsability this, or respect that. Getting really irritated, I grab the katana and pull it towards me, so I can throw it away. He really leans into me, going straight to the hilt. Ahh~ progress! Figuring out the secrets to this puzzle, I begin a strange tug of war with him, with satisfaction as the prize. But I soon discover a conundrum: my arms are getting tired! I really try taking it from him, and start winning, but his hand slid off the sheath I was holding, and it slams into my eye socket.
Tyche: ¡°SON OF A BITCH! BASTARD! MOTHERFUCKER! REPUBLICANS!¡±
That really fucking hurt! I bring a small mirror out of the inventory to see if I still have an eyeball there, which the answer is yes, I do. But I will have a nice bruise there¡
Midas: ¡°Huh? Wha-¡±
Tyche: ¡°NOW YOU WAKE UP!? SHUT UP AND FUCK ME!¡±
Excuse us, after we finish here, I have to discipline him¡
---
Chesterwood - Bounty Hunter Guild - Evening
The License finally lit up, so we are about to walk in. I¡¯m currently in [Dandere Mode] while wearing the eyepatch I bought earlier (although for the wrong reasons), to show my displeasure. I could heal the bruise, but why would I do that when I want to punish him? We walk in, while I¡¯m holding onto his sleeve, because I have shit for depth perception right now. I walk up to the counter and place my License on it. It¡¯s a different clerk from last time.
Clerk: ¡°Can I help you?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Confirmation./¡± *points to glowing symbol on License*
Clerk: ¡°Okay¡ I¡¯ll be right back.¡±
While that clerk leaves, the clerk from last time walks over and talks to us. I shall name him Carlton. Oh, the name tag actually says Carlton¡ Do all Carltons have that haircut and mustache?
Carlton: ¡°Welcome back you two, that was quite a haul you two brought in, spent all of us here the whole week working overtime to finally clear it from our queue.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Thanks./¡±
Carlton: ¡°So¡ What happened to your eye?¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡± *tenses up*
Tyche: ¡°Battlefield./¡±
Yes, the bedroom is a battlefield, I learned this the hard way. It should be one of the things parents should actually teach you, ranking up there with how to get your significant other to start moving¡ Midas visibly relaxes.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
Carlton: ¡°So young¡¡±
Carlton leaves while shaking his head. The other clerk walks back in with someone else, and gestures for us to follow. They lead us into a large office in the back, and asks us to take a seat on the couch. Midas sits down first, and then I flop down on his lap, aiming specifically for the sensitive parts. He flinches, I feel nothing for his pain. The guy with the clerk is talking about something, but my attention is currently drawn to his shiny bald head. It¡¯s perfectly round, and would make Mr. Clean jealous. I think I shall name him-
Kahl: ¡°My name is Kahl, the President of this guild.¡±
Which is Bald in German, and is close enough to what I was going to name him; to be honest, I was going to use French.
Midas: ¡°I¡¯m Midas, and this is my Wife-!...¡±
I discreetly pinch his thigh, as this is my story to tell! Bask in the awkwardness you mere mortal! None shall escape it!
Tyche: ¡°Tyche/.¡± *rubs eyepatch*
Kahl: ¡°When did you lose it?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Didn¡¯t lose./ Hurt./ Afternoon./ Battlefield./¡±
Kahl: ¡°So young to be involved in battles¡ So tell me, how did you two manage to kill two hundred thirty six bandits without sustaining any injuries, while taking out the two biggest bandit groups in the area?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Accident./¡±
Kahl: ¡°Would you care to elaborate on that?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Big./¡± *spreads hands* ¡°Accident./¡±
Kahl: ¡°Outstanding, to chance upon them by accident, then taking them out.¡±
Meh, close enough, let¡¯s roll with it.
Tyche: ¡°...Yes.../ Reward?/¡±
Kahl: ¡°Straight to the point, I like that! We¡¯ll get started on that right away. Weird, you two seem to remind me of some people I know, who were your parents if you don¡¯t mind answering?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Mammon./ Fortuna./¡±
Kahl gets up, leaves the room in a hurry. Huh? Was it something I said? I think back on all that I say, and Kahl returns after a few minutes with a large sack. He mechanically hands it to us, and wishes us a good day. I hop out of Midas¡¯ lap, and gesture for him to take it. He puts it in our inventory, and I grab his sleeve as we leave. On our way home Midas asks me:
Midas: ¡°Didn¡¯t he used to have hair?¡±
Tyche: [Neutral Mode] ¡°Oh yeah, it¡¯s not my fault though, he grabbed your ass, and you had confiscated Mjolnir from me¡¡±
Midas: ¡°I wasn¡¯t blaming you though. So, you¡¯re talking to me again?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I¡¯m still mad, but maintaining that mode is taxing¡ Always having to repress everything on the inside, I am a talkative person¡ It¡¯s a wonder those anime girls don¡¯t explode¡ Oh! It¡¯s the pub that the Minstrels use as their headquarters, let¡¯s stop in there before we go home.¡±
I get my Minstrel¡¯s License, which merges into my License. It was pretty simple really, I play a few songs, and strongly swear that I won¡¯t use my powers for evil and all that other cool stuff, which I swear to while crossing my fingers. Did you think that¡¯s all I wanted that license for, being immune from attack, and lying about agreements? Nope~ I have other ulterior motives! I¡¯m going to teach young Minstrels a certain song, and then have them open up a request at the Adventurer¡¯s guild in the starter towns for the new players to listen to. The song is Rick Astley¡¯s ¡°Never gonna give you up¡±. O~hohohohohohoho I¡¯m evil! I shall call it Quest-Rolled! It shall be glorious! Not only will they have to listen to the whole thing, I shall make them wait for hours to do it! Maybe make it a certain day of the week¡ Hmm¡ I shall have to think on this further¡
---
Chesterwood Home - Evening
I go check on the Fairies, to see if they are getting along. They are currently hugging each other like they just made up¡ Well, that was fast, I thought I would stop getting amused first before letting them out¡ I take the lid off.
Selene/Artemis: ¡°We¡¯re sorry!¡±
Selene: ¡°I thought you were replacing me...¡±
Artemis: ¡°I thought you would leave me behind¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Why would I do that? Get in my drills girls, they¡¯ve been feeling lighter lately¡¡±
Artemis: ¡°See? She does care! She just wanted us to get along.¡±
Selene: ¡°No, I¡¯m telling you, she just did that for amusement¡¡±
Well, you both are right~. Anywho, I¡¯m tired, one of you give them the stats.
Selene: ¡°You do it.¡±
Artemis: ¡°No, you do it, you have the position of First Fairy.¡±
Selene: ¡°Thank you.¡±
I hear something dangerous, so I activate [Denial] and head to bed.
Status
Level:
15
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
550
Mana/Psy:
605
Ki:
890
Stamina
640
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
35
Strength:
22
Defensive
Constitution:
36
Endurance:
42
Mental
Intellect:
39
Wisdom:
30
Other
Dexterity:
23
Perception:
20
Spirit:
57
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Fire:
25%
Earth:
25%
---
Author¡¯s Notes: I went to the store today, and the cashier was named Carlton, and I¡¯ll be damned if he didn¡¯t have the same haircut and mustache as Carlton from Fresh Prince¡ Doing these sex scenes are awkward as hell, because I have to write them from the male¡¯s perspective, and then translate them to female¡ That, plus the whole female masturbation thing. They don¡¯t get it as easy as guys do, they just grab it and wank. Girls have to consult the lunar and solar charts, then ask the spirits to find out what to do next¡
Chapter 10 - The Plot is Here!
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Plot today peoples!
---
Chesterwood Home - Training Room - Morning
Hello again! Please hold on while I rant, this shouldn¡¯t take long at all.
What¡¯s the use in having a Technology faction, when everything is stuck in the medieval age? I bet magic isn¡¯t even faction specific¡ Midas and I went to go find teachers, and his teacher just told him to wail on the target with his sword¡ Seriously? Midas did something smart, and went home to go swing his new katana. My teacher was alright at the beginning, but when I started asking her questions, and all I got was a ¡°I don¡¯t know, I was told to do it that way¡¡± as a response, I went home too. That¡¯s probably the issue here: Magic! People get lazy when magic is involved. At least Psychics don¡¯t have this issue, because psychic powers are either too narrowly specialised, or not powerful enough to become a crutch..
Sorry about that, you guys came at the wrong time there¡ Anyway, I¡¯m in the training room of our house carving some training targets for weapons training with Midas. Nothing fancy really, it¡¯s just a wooden mannequin with a buttload of talisman enchants and spell circuits on it.
And before you ask, spell circuits are just if/then logic, which activate a spell crystal, while talismans are straight up equations. The whole thing is kind of complicated, and simple at the same time. The spell circuit lights up parts of the target in a sequence, and you have to hit those targets in the same sequence, while holding a training weapon infused with ki. If you take too long, or hit the wrong target, the whole thing lights up red. Yep, I invented simon¡ Theoretically, it should be a useful training tool, but too bad for the fact that it needs your blood in the production, as this could be worth a lot of money. But who needs more money when you already have a mountain of it? Who am I trying to kid, I do! I wants all the monies!
Since most parts of this task are pretty mundane, I¡¯m reading up on the human body on the wifi implant, since as an assassin, it¡¯s important to not only know which end of the knife is sharp, but where to put said sharp end. This is where I left the potential teacher. Why someone dies when you stab there, or why it¡¯s a good idea to stab them in nerve ganglia? These are the questions you should ask, as asking gives you the opportunity to improve.
Anywho, this is boring, so I¡¯ll lay out our plans. Since we completed most of our objectives, we can leave in as little as three days, to a week max. Then we can finally go on our adventure, no more distractions! Okay, maybe a little distraction here and there, if they are entertaining enough¡ *cough* Selene is sleeping in my right drill, so Artemis, give them the to do list.
[table=purple]
To do list:
* Buy Engine III
* Buy two person buggy
* Buy large tent
* Talisman lanterns
* New harp
[/table]
---
Armistice Online Headquarters - Boardroom - 3rd Person PoV
(each member will be referred to as their job)
A group of six people are sitting around the boardroom table, watching a projection of Tyche and Midas living their new life in Armistice Online. They are each members of different departments, tasked to watch our two protagonists live their life. To keep the damage to a minimum, or to prevent an all out apocalypse, you never know with those two.
Tyche Monologue: ¡°Oh, hello again! We are currently on our way to Chesterwood¡¡±
Lore: ¡°How does she know we just started watching?¡±
Maintenance: ¡°It¡¯s creepy right?¡±
Systems: ¡°Who cares about that, they are completely breaking the balance of the game! GM Department, anything found yet?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Everything is above board, the anti-cheat system isn¡¯t detecting anything wrong on that front. Maybe you should shackle them?¡±
AI Development: ¡°They are AIs now, and protected by law. And we couldn¡¯t do that anyway, the other AIs are gaining free will because of them. If we do, they will either help them, or revolt because of it. The scariest thing is, they are spreading sentience to all of the NPCs they come across, it must be a nightmare for you Maintenance?¡±
Maintenance: ¡°Eh, it¡¯s not so bad, the whole system was over-specced anyways. The government is paying for the whole thing, so we can always increase the hardware at no cost.¡±
AI Development: ¡°If it does become a problem, we can make the problem public knowledge, everyone will want to be a part of helping a digital world filled with, and run by AIs. Why aren¡¯t you complaining Lore?¡±
Lore: ¡°Have you seen what she¡¯s been doing? She¡¯s practically been doing the Lore Department¡¯s job since they started ¡®playing¡¯.¡±
GM Department: ¡°I¡¯m with Tyche on this one, how do you guys still have a job? You basically just gave the Goddess AIs a list of requirements, and they did the bulk of the work¡ Also, we need to do something about their potential for finding exploits. They are practically breaking the balance of the game.¡±
Systems: ¡°We can disable skill assist, but make it seem like it was their idea. Have they used their GM powers yet?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Not really¡ Why did we make them ¡®Undercover GMs¡¯ anyway?¡±
Systems: ¡°We didn¡¯t. They are practically one of the Goddess AIs right now, attributed to luck. They aren¡¯t completely one yet, because they don¡¯t know what they are yet. The title is only really a technicality to prevent it from happening too early. We had to even auto-assign attributes to them now, as they keep creating new ones that serve no real purpose.¡±
Tyche Monologue: ¡°Those damn incompetent developers put a luck check into every goddamned action taken in the game...¡±
Systems: ¡°It¡¯s not our fault! You¡¯re the one doing it! We had a perfectly fine system for luck in place, but then you went and integrated yourself into the system as a Goddess¡¡±
AI Development: ¡°It¡¯s a broadcast, don¡¯t talk back to it¡ How does that work anyway? There¡¯s two of them, but they both take up the same slot as the Goddess of Luck?¡±
Systems: ¡°When they died, and she sucked him up into her? Or is it he sucked her? This whole situation is weird¡ One downloaded the other into itself, making them one AI with multiple processes. With one fragmenting further, when she got that hair passive¡¡±
Tyche Monologue: ¡°He falls right into a Bandit-A, who gets pushed onto Bandit-B¡¯s sword, impaling him¡¡±
Silence is fills the room as nobody knows how to react to what is occurring on the projection.
AI Development: ¡°Did that just happen?¡±
This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.Systems: ¡°Did that bandit just kill himself to stop the pain?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Screw that, did that guy just choke to death on his own vomit from seeing his friend eviscerate himself?¡±
Everyone: ¡°...¡±
Lore: ¡°So, who¡¯s going on the food run today?¡±
Maintenance: ¡°You are, it¡¯s not like you have a real job to do anyway, she¡¯s doing it for you¡¡±
As this group of six people were arguing about who should go for the food run, a security camera is silently watching them the whole time.
---
Chesterwood Home - Front Yard - Afternoon
Tyche: ¡°ACHOO!¡±
Selene: ¡°zzz¡¡± *wakes up* ¡°IT WASN¡¯T ME!¡±
Artemis: ¡°You alright?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Someone must be plotting against me. They should know that all resistance is futile against me! O~hohohohohohohohho!¡±
Ugh, that laugh¡ It¡¯s like the drills compel me to do it. And that¡¯s not the worst part about it! My body just automatically lifts my right hand in front of my mouth while I do it! Pouting aside, the Fairies and I are heading to the animal market, since I have to leave the enamel to dry. I¡¯m not gonna walk around on my adventure like some common peasant! I will ride in style! The Fairies are sleeping, so I¡¯m checking out the Pay 2 WIn shop, one of the items is really nice:
Item:
Credits:
Spatial Cabin Ring
100
Death Clock Cancel
5
Experience Buff Scrolls x 1
1
Experience Buff Scrolls x 10
10
Gold x 10
1
Gold x 100
10
Spatial Cabin Ring: Ring that can summon a cabin surrounded by a weather and privacy shield.
Type: Tool --- Rarity: Artifact
Yep, I¡¯m gonna buy that! 100 Credits is nothing, we get like 500 a month from the Developers. (Just think of Credits as US Dollars) Well, that¡¯s one thing off our list, let¡¯s cross another two off here at the market!
Hm¡ So many choices to pick from! Do I go with the stereotypical horse? Maybe the giant ass lizard? I walk up to one of the salesmen in front of a corale.
Tyche: ¡°Do you recommend anything with an unrestricted diet, and is pretty passive?¡±
Salesmen: ¡°What¡¯s it going to be doing?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Pulling a two person buggy.¡±
Salesmen: ¡°Any luggage?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope.¡±
Salesmen: ¡°If speed isn¡¯t an issue, this turtle will do. It¡¯s not slow like the stereotype, it just has one speed, and that is a trot it can maintain all day.¡±
It¡¯s a large green turtle, with yellow streaks on it¡¯s shell. It would be perfect, besides the fact that we might go somewhere cold, it has this stupid, vacant look on it¡¯s face.
Tyche: ¡°Anything more agreeable to the cold?¡±
Salesmen: ¡°We have that Direboar over there.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope, too smelly.¡±
Salesmen: ¡°Price an issue?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope, try me.¡±
Salesmen: ¡°Peatbear, all the way on the end. It eats anything, and expels what¡¯s left as peat bricks.¡±
Tyche: ¡°How much?¡±
Salesmen: ¡°Five hundred gold. You will need an adult for financing, otherwise I do-¡±
Tyche: ¡°SOLD!¡±
I take out five pouches of a hundred gold and hand it to him, asking him to deliver it to the house. This is perfect! We have an animal that can actually shit bricks! All jokes aside, we can use those bricks as fuel, or sell them as fertiliser! The bear will pay for itself!
Salesmen: ¡°You said you needed a buggy? How about a harness too?¡±
I like salesmen, if you have money, they will trip over themselves to help you. I end up settling on a black two-seater buggy, with a retractable canopy. The best part about it is the carriage springs! Those things will practically save our asses on our travels. I buy those also, collect the receipt, and have my purchases delivered to the house. I have other shopping to do, more crafting to complete! Ack! So much crap to do before we depart again! I don¡¯t have time for you guys, Fairies, give them the stats!
Selene: ¡°Rock, paper, scissors?¡±
Artemis: ¡°Sure!¡±
Selene/Artemis: ¡°Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT!¡±
Artemis: ¡°Paper beats rock!¡±
[table=purple]
Status
Level:
15
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
550
Mana/Psy:
620
Ki:
890
Stamina
640
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
35
Strength:
22
Defensive
Constitution:
36
Endurance:
42
Mental
Intellect:
40
Wisdom:
30
Other
Dexterity:
26
Perception:
22
Spirit:
57
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Fire:
25%
Earth:
25%
[/table]
---
Author¡¯s Notes: So, no chapter last night, because I had to throw out the old one. It was them inventing alcohol for the world, which devolved into some weird orgy with the Fairies. I was about to submit it, but saw the new chapter for Dex/Clair¡ It was for the best though, because I swore at the beginning that there would be no harem. That, and the plot had to advance. Next chapter, will jump straight to the next destination, and then doing requests. Also, another reason for the delay is that I didn¡¯t do any planning at all¡ I had to draw up a map, so I¡¯m not always pulling stuff out of my ass.
Chapter 11 - Im Feeling Shellfish Today
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Odin - Adventurer¡¯s Guild - Afternoon
Afternoon! We are currently in Odin, the capital of Fenrir, which is the Beastkin Kingdom. To be more precise, we are staring at the request board in the Adventurer''s Guild in Odin. There are quite a few decent, but nooby requests for beginners. At least I don¡¯t have to read to deaf children¡ Maybe if they were deaf and blind, I could read them a picture book! I¡¯m kidding, I wouldn¡¯t do that¡ I would have to invent picture books first¡ But there is a small problem with these requests:
Request: Collect Herbs
Rank: F
Collect herbs from near the lake.
Reward: 5 Copper per herb
Request: Possum Hunting
Rank: F
The lake area is overpopulated with possum! Please help reduce their population.
Reward: 5 Copper per possum tail.
[table=red]
Emergency Request: Kill the Lake Monster
Rank: X
A lake monster is terrorising the lake outside of Odin!
Please kill the monster, to bring some peace to the people of Odin.
Reward: 200 Gold
[/table]
Tyche: ¡°We have a problem!¡±
Midas: ¡°Is it the lake monster?¡±
Tyche: ¡°No¡¡±
Artemis: ¡°Then what is it?¡±
Selene: ¡°Nooo! Don¡¯t ask that, it¡¯s probably something mundane that could be easily solved!¡±
Tyche: ¡°We don¡¯t have a gardening trowel¡ We¡¯ll buy it on the way out of the city.¡±
Selene: ¡°See? Told you so¡¡±
If the peanut gallery in my drills is done, we have a trowel to buy. It¡¯s weird, I put them in the drills once, because I didn¡¯t want to go digging around in my armored corset in broad daylight, and it became their de facto perch. There are tons of places they could perch: my shoulders, Midas¡¯ shoulders, Midas¡¯ head, my head, or they could use their freaking fairy wings and fly? Oh¡ Miadas just bought the trowel without anything else, and is leading me away to the gates. Nuuuuuu my shopping! Shopping should be in your genes, didn¡¯t you used to be a girl?
---
Odin - Stables - Midas PoV
H-h-hello! Did I do that right? Tyche says that I should properly greet you guys. Well, that¡¯s out of the way, what do I do now? Is this why Tyche is always lost in thought? Hold on a second, new chapter of a webnovel I¡¯m reading just came out, let me open that up. Okay back, where was I? Oh! We are currently riding the buggy towards the lake! Brix is happily gamboling forward, knowing that a ham egg and cheese breakfast muffin is gonna happen when we get there. Brix is the Peatbear Tyche bought, she wanted to name it Engine III, but I was against it as I wanted to keep the Peatbear, as that name is cursed I tell you! After shooting names back and forth, we finally decided on Brix after I saw him shit a brick. That is the coolest thing ever! Ah, this monologuing thing is easy!
We¡¯re here! Hold on a second, new chapter of that pirate manga. Okay I¡¯m back, now we are digging up herbs. Well, to be correct, Tyche is picking herbs while casually setting possums on fire. I¡¯m on tail duty, which is gross. I think I¡¯ll go look for that monster. I haven¡¯t honestly fought anything yet since we got ourselves into this situation! I get to use it finally, the weapon Dad finally completed~! It has forms like Tyche¡¯s Mjolnir, but only two: katana and reverse blade katana. I can freely switch it between the two though, which is weird that you can¡¯t do it with Mjolnir. I think I¡¯ll go look this way~!
Tyche: ¡°It¡¯s in the other direction.¡±
Midas: ¡°How-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Don¡¯t you ever read the mana in the air?¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
Okay, that direction sounds fine too¡ Holy crap, that thing is huge! I really need to look into that mana perception thing Tyche does, it¡¯s useful. I head back to Tyche, because I have a request. Big ass lobster monster, and I have a katana? It has to be that song, it goes with everything!
Midas: ¡°Tyyyyyyyyche~ I have a request!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Am I going to regret it?¡±
Midas: ¡°I¡¯m about to fight that lobster monster, can you play that song?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Ugh¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Come on! It goes with everything!¡±
She must have relented, because she¡¯s taking out her new harp, and a¡ Is that a kazoo? More importantly, are those pickups on that harp?
Midas: ¡°Are those pickups?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep, made myself an electric harp! The electric cowbell hit some hiccups¡¡±
Selene: ¡°Can we not talk about it¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Well, I¡¯m gonna go kill it now. Play when ready!¡±
Maybe it will show Tyche that I¡¯m not a total dumbass¡ Maybe she¡¯ll let me be in charge of our nightly activities some nights? Those will be fun, I have a wardrobe full of stuff for her to wear! School swimsuit, sailor outfit, you name it, I have it! wu-hahahahaha! It shall be glorious! Sadly, I didn¡¯t realise it until after I made it, but she already has fox ears, so the cat-eared headband will collect dust¡
Anyway~ I¡¯m silently creeping up on the Lobster Monster while unsheathing my katana. As I reach it¡¯s back, I start channeling ki and fire attribute into my blade. I jump up onto it¡¯s back while stabbing down. It¡¯s not moving! I vanquished it. School swimsuit here I come! hehehehehehe!
Tyche: ¡°That was just a shell dumbass¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Nuh uh! I killed it fair and square!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Then I guess there were two monsters then¡¡±
Mechanically, I turn my head and look at the Lobster Monster. Shaken, I jump off the shell, and charge towards the Lobster. And I slash at it¡¯s face with my katana with a screech of steel. I look at the wound, but find that there was none.
Tyche: ¡°It puts the ki into the blade, or else it gets the harisen again¡ Anyway, I should start playing now right?¡±
Tyche: ?And they run when the sun comes up~ With their lives on the line!?
Artemis: "Alive!"
Slightly dumbfounded for a moment due to a combination of my forgetfulness and Artemis joining in, I parry a blow from a claw that would have otherwise blown me away. I sidestep afterward, channel ki into my blade, and give it a slash to one of it¡¯s legs, cleaving it off and causing it to scream. You have to admit though, the kazoo does add a certain charm to the song, Artemis is really good at it¡
Tyche: ?For a while?
Artemis: "No choice!"
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.I circle around it, hoping to cut off another leg or three, but it turns to face me to prevent it. It draws back it¡¯s head, like it was charging an attack, and blows out bubbles. Pfffft! Bubbles won¡¯t hurt me! As I was thinking this, one of the bubbles lands on a bush, causing it to melt. That¡¯s not fair!
Tyche: ?Gotta follow the laws of the wild?
Artemis: "Alive!"
Starting to get really infuriated at my song choice, I snap causing me to send a crescent shaped bolt of ki out of my blade, which cuts off the top half of the Lobster¡¯s dominant claw. I step around, and cut off the four walking legs on it¡¯s left side, causing it to fall over. Thinking I had won, I nonchalantly walk up to finish it off, when it whips me with it¡¯s tail. I get blasted onto my back, knocking the wind out of me.
Tyche: ?With their lives on the line?
Artemis: "No choice!"
This song is really nice when you are winning¡ As I was getting my breathing back under control, the lobster was using it¡¯s still working claw to drag itself over to me. Scared out of my mind, I get up, using my katana to assist me. Stupid lobster, getting in the way of my sailor uniform! You should be on a table, served for supper, preferably with butter¡ Now I¡¯m hungry¡ I channel even more ki into my blade, adding fire attribute to it, making the blade appear on fire. I hobble over to the lobster, and stab it in the face.
Midas: ¡°FOR DINNER!¡±
Tyche: ?Out here only the strong survive?
Tyche/Artemis: "RULES OF NATURE!"
I hate this song now¡ Ooh! My crops in farmville are done!
---
Tyche PoV
I can see the regret in his eyes as he walks back over and mopes, mumbling something about swimsuits. I should probably get one of those made, let¡¯s put that on the entertainment to do list, next to learning to swim. Anyway, that fight was kind of alright for his first ¡°real¡± fight. Looking at that fight, I realise that I could never be up there, as I usually either use magic, or go berserk¡ My dreams of being a ninja are slowly fading away, as I realise my place in the rearguard¡ I can always use my ninja skills in cities, or as self dense. Yeah! Let¡¯s do it that way! Anywho, let¡¯s go back to the city!
---
Odin - Outside Adventurer¡¯s Guild - Evening
One monster gets killed, and all kinds of noise is made! Are you people really that useless, it was only like level 25 elite¡ Before you ask, elites are creatures or people who are mutants in a way, their stats get calculated weirdly, resulting in high strength, being hard to kill, etc. People are looking at us with expectant eyes¡ You can revere us, but don¡¯t expect things from us! I¡¯m even open to bartering. All sorts of organisations stopped by the guildhouse to try to recruit us: City guard, royal guard, merchants guild, gangs, all kinds of people. One that really pissed me off was the city guards¡
Guard: ¡°With strength like yours, you two should join the city guard and defend your kind from harm!¡±
No thank you, guards have a permanent death flag over their heads thank you very much¡ And we¡¯re chimeras, not beastkin, so the race card won¡¯t work¡
Guard: ¡°I used to be an adventurer like you, until¡¡±
After hearing that joke for the umpteenth time, I zone out, and open up a bug report in the UI.
Dear Developers,
Please fire the shit out of whoever in the Lore department came up with the bright idea to use the arrow in the knee joke, as it¡¯s probably his/her fault I had to do so much worldbuilding...
Love, Tyche & Midas
PS: Seriously do this, I will go on a murderous rampage if I keep hearing that lame, overused joke!
I should head to the city guard HQ, and report him¡ Too injured to be an adventurer, but still good enough to be a guard? Seriously? It¡¯s thinking like that that gives guards that permanent death flag¡ Let¡¯s activate [Denial] and head out of the city to use our Spatial Cabin!
Just as we turn towards the city gates, a man and twenty royal guards appears. He looks like he¡¯s part hamster¡
Hamsterkin: ¡°Why hello there, the rumors don¡¯t give you justice at all! Follow me, and become my wife!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Sorry, already married, and I¡¯m not into hamsters¡¡±
Hamsterkin: ¡°I¡¯M NOT A HAMSTER, I¡¯M A BEARKIN! For that cheek, you will come with me now and become my concubine!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Sorry, not into Teddy Bear Hamsters¡¡±
Teddy Bear Hamsterkin: ¡°... GUARDS! SURROUND HER!¡±
He grabs my arm with a weak grip¡ Seriously, is this happening? Next thing you know, he¡¯ll become the prince of the goddamn kingdom or something¡ Have I mentioned how much I hate templates? I just hear a wet shlink out of nowhere, and the Hamster is just sitting there with an open mouth, making gurgling noises¡
Midas: ¡°Get off my wife! Don¡¯t worry guards, I used the back of my blade¡¡±
He then slashes the blade down, spraying a crescent of blood on the ground, and then sheathes it like a samurai¡ That was really cool! Wait, blood? The Hamster falls on the ground in two pieces¡ Midas has a sadistic grin on his face¡
Royal Guard: ¡°MY PRINCE!¡±
Midas: ¡°Oops, how clumsy of me¡¡±
ACK! The template, IT BURNS! That sadistic smile on Midas¡¯ face¡ It just makes me so¡ so¡ Horny! Fairies, give them the stats, I have to escape with my hubby to our lovenest!
Status
Level:
23
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
930
Mana/Psy:
986
Ki:
1396
Stamina
976
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
39
Strength:
25
Defensive
Constitution:
40
Endurance:
42
Mental
Intellect:
42
Wisdom:
33
Other
Dexterity:
28
Perception:
22
Spirit:
59
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Fire:
35%
Earth:
25%
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Welcome to the birth of Sadistic Mode Midas! Someone mentioned a prince mode, but sadistic mode is that, but cooler!
Ugh, I had to rewrite the fight scene, because the Metal Gear Rising soundtrack played randomly on itunes¡ Anywho, this chapter is brought to you by the letter G for Gastroenterologist, may all of them die horribly in a fire! I have a colonoscopy tomorrow, and just had to drink a gallon of the most vilest thing on the planet. I think I¡¯d rather eat shit than drink that stuff...
Chapter 12 - Getting Away With Murder
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
I forgot how to count today... Chapter 12 instead of 13...
AG is Adventurer¡¯s Guild and BH is Bounty Hunter¡¯s Guild. I¡¯m lazy, so sue me.
---
I grab Midas¡¯ left hand, and try to drag him off, instead, I walk my feet out from under me, falling onto my ass. A hand reaches down, and lifts me by the collar.
Midas: ¡°Ooh, what do we have here?¡±
Tyche: ¡°An unknowing witness to an accident, trying to get away! We should really go now, before they misunderstand some more.¡±
Midas: ¡°No~ you are the would-be victim of a kidnapping rapist, which I saved you from, accidentally killing him in the process. I¡¯m really clumsy today¡¡±
He pulls a leather armchair out of our inventory, and sits down on it with me in his lap. He starts petting my ears as he makes his demands to the Royal Guards.
Midas: ¡°Fetch the King, Queen, the AG President, and a Minstrel NOW!
Royal Guard: ¡°Why should we do that murderer!¡±
Midas: ¡°Because your ¡®beloved¡¯ trash prince hamster just tried to abduct and potentially rape my toy someone very important?¡±
Did I just hear some unspoken words there? As I was about to say something about it, Midas starts petting my ears harder, while adding strokes under my chin to the mix. Ah~ Little more to the left~ great~! I tilt my head to better accommodate the pleasure. Pretty soon, I begin to pant as I get really close, but that bastard keeps letting off just as I get near! As I¡¯m about to voice my complaint, he picks up the pace, just enough to where I won¡¯t climax, but enough so that I can¡¯t speak...
---
Midas (S) PoV
Welcome~ to the upcoming blackmail negotiation session! As the announcer of these proceedings, I would like to introduce: The King, a muscular Bearkin with a delicious angry look on his face. The Queen, a frail looking Mousekin with a tired, exasperated look on her face. That Wolfkin over there is Maxwell, the AG president. Is that a¡? Yeah, that¡¯s a human, wearing an armband with a musical note on it. Hold on, have to shift Tyche out of this wetspot...
Midas: ¡°Now that everyone is here, we can begin!¡±
King: ¡°With your execution maybe, you murdered my son!¡±
Queen: ¡°Now hold on, let¡¯s hear an explanation first¡¡±
Maxwell: ¡°You¡ Are you?¡±
Midas: ¡°Looks like somebody gets it! Congratulations Maxwell!¡±
Maxwell: ¡°It¡¯s Maximilian¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Okay~ Max~!¡±
Max: ¡°Close enough¡¡±
Minstrel: ¡°Why am I even here?¡±
Max: ¡°You¡¯re standing in it Jasmine¡¡±
Jasmine: *steps out of the blood* ¡°As a witness then, I take it?¡±
Midas: ¡°Exactly your honor. I would like to present some evidence if I may. Selene, show them the relevant parts of the Adventurer¡¯s Guild Treaty.¡±
Adventurer¡¯s Guild Treaty
* No Slavery.
* Rapists get the death penalty.
* No Slavery.
* Minstrels can not be acted against without approval of their guild.
Midas: ¡°Thank you Selene. If-¡±
King: ¡°He did none of those things! You are lying scu-¡±
Queen: ¡°If you know what¡¯s good for you, shut up!¡±
Midas: ¡°You do know that he tried to abduct and forcefully make my toy wife his concubine right? Please confirm this Royal Guards, but please remember that it is a crime to give false testimony to a minstrel¡¡±
Royal Guard Representative: ¡°...It¡¯s true¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Now that the proof of him trying to sexually enslave my wife toy¡ oops? is shown, let¡¯s mo-¡±
King: ¡°That doesn¡¯t explain the other two charges¡¡±
Queen: ¡°She¡¯s has minstrel markings on her haori, and she has another one on her hair clip¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Now for the final nail in the coffin! Wait, disgraced Royals don¡¯t get coffins, they get left in ditches¡ Anyway~ Let¡¯s [Inspect] the corpse!¡±
King: ¡°You can¡¯t use [Inspect] on living Royals!¡±
Midas: ¡°I¡¯m going to ignore that¡ Anyway Queenie, political marriages must suck eh? Let¡¯s just use [Inspect] on that DEAD Royal CORPSE right there on the ground, that isn¡¯t LIVING at all!¡±
Sue me, I¡¯m a poor winner, it¡¯s like I¡¯m compelled to rub his face in it...
Hamsterkin Corpse Half (1 of 2)
Half of the corpse of the prince, son of the second husband to the Queen of Fenrir.
Once held the titles of: [Rapist], [Plotter], [Murderer], [Disgraced Royal], and [Aspiring False King].
The Goddesses hold this person in contempt, and won''t allow resurrection to occur.
Oh¡ That¡¯s kind of amusing sad to be honest. I kill a guy trying to take my stuff, and I end a plot for the throne while I¡¯m at it. It¡¯s like fate is on my side! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Midas: ¡°Pfffft! That¡¯s just too amusing! I thought I¡¯d have to work a little to prove it, but it seems even the Goddesses see him as trash. Queenie, send my congratulations to the now Heir Apparent to the throne!¡±
Female: ¡°Thanks~¡±
Midas: ¡°No probs, hail to the Matriarchy! Anyway, we have to go, Tyche is about to explode here!¡±
I try something new with our Spatial Attribute: Teleportation! I¡¯ve been reading up on this one on the internet, and this attribute sounds so godlike that it isn¡¯t even funny¡ Thanks anime! Well, by try, I mean teleporting Tyche first. You know, in case she explodes or anything. Just as I¡¯m about to go, a blushing Princess stops me.
Princess: ¡°WAIT!¡±
Midas: ¡°???¡±
Princess: ¡°My name is Charlotte, want to become the next king?¡±
Nope~! We had lots of problems just setting up the Guilds¡ Responsibility sucks, NEVER AGAIN! Seeing her blushing face is fun, so I start fondling her ears. Mouse ears feel awesome!
Midas: ¡°Nope~ Already married, and you¡¯re most likely planning on using us for your own ends... Hmm~ I¡¯ll talk to Tyche about it, see if she¡¯s up to sharing you with me¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Don¡¯t you mean share you with her?¡±
Midas: ¡°Nope~! We always wanted a Princess to play with, and Tyche and I are a package deal. Anywho, I¡¯m off to go play with the Wife! We¡¯ll check in later.¡±
Charlotte: ¡°WAIT! How do I g-¡±
Max: ¡°They are the kids of the AG Guildmaster¡¡±
King: ¡°You mean they¡¯re the kids of those Monsters?¡±
Queen: ¡°So that¡¯s how it is¡ You didn¡¯t choose wrong Charlotte, you¡¯ll just have to settle for consorts instead of a king¡ Things are better off this way, as yo-¡±
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
Not caring where this conversation is going, I teleport to where I dumpedabandoned left Tyche? Yeah, left sounds good. I find her mumbling something about getting a flag, and templates burning or something stupid¡ Anyway, I bring out the Spatial Cabin, as it¡¯s time for some fun~!
I bring the Tyche inside, and as I drop her on the bed I get a really nice suggestion.
Tyche: ¡°Did she confess?¡±
Midas: ¡°Yep~ declined though.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Did you o-¡±
Midas: ¡°Yep~ dunno if she¡¯ll bite though.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Fuck it, just go grab her.¡±
Midas: *smacks her ass* ¡°I give the orders around here, but thanks for the suggestion.¡±
I teleport back to where I left our courtroom, and pick the princess up in a¡ princess carry¡ That¡¯s ironic isn¡¯t it?
Midas: ¡°We¡¯ll be back tomorrow, deflowering borrowing the princess~.¡±
Queen: ¡°Bring back grandkids!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°...¡±
King: ¡°You can¡¯t be serious!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°...Four¡¡±
King: ¡°That¡¯s not happening!¡±
Midas: ¡°Want me to complete the set Queenie?¡±
Queen: ¡°Maybe later¡ He¡¯ll have some uses as a prisoner. He obviously had something to do with the Prince...¡±
I teleport behind the ex-King, and smack the sheath of my katana into his neck, which should have knocked him out, but didn¡¯t work. I try again this time, while using ki, which works, blowing him into a wall.
Midas: ¡°Odd¡ I need more practice. That¡¯s a bonus, anywho~ we¡¯re off!¡±
I whitelist Charlotte, and teleport us directly into the Cabin¡¯s bedroom, to find a Tyche trying to masturbate. It¡¯s kind of amusing, she¡¯s been a girl this long and still hasn¡¯t figured it out? I drop Charlotte on the bed next to Tyche, fish the Fairies out of Tyche¡¯s hair, and exit to the living room to release them to their own devices. I return to find a nude Charlotte furiously fingering Tyche, stopping every time she gets close to an orgasm. I knew I liked her for some reason!
Tyche: ¡°*pant* Why are you stopping? *pant* And why are you so good at this? *pant*¡±
Charlotte: ¡°I¡¯m a princess, I can¡¯t love who I want, but I sure do get to play with the maids!¡±
Tyche: ¡°*pant* You still didn¡¯t answer the question... *pant*¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Oh, you¡¯ll have one big explosive orgasm when we finally let you have one. Isn¡¯t that what Midas was doing before?¡±
Midas: ¡°Huh? Yeah¡ Sure?¡±
We picked a winner here guys! While we¡¯re here, let¡¯s describe our pervert princess: Four foot, nine inch tall mousekin, gray shoulder length hair, a-cup breasts, and a nice round ass! It¡¯s too bad that she¡¯ll only be a once in awhile girl¡ I start to get undressed, it¡¯s time for the fun!
Fully nude, I pick a girl up in each arm and reposition them on the bed. Tyche is near the top, while Charlotte is right behind her. I kneel behind Charlotte, and start playing with her pussy as she starts eating out Tyche. Ooh! She gets right into things eh? I bring my face down, and start licking her lips, as I continue fingering her with one hand, and tweaking her clit with the other. I gradually increase my pace, until her hips start jackhammering into my face and hands, when she climaxes onto my face, and falls limp on top of Tyche. I get up and push her off of Tyche while licking my lips, princesses tastes like awesome! I grab Tyche¡¯s legs, and drag her to the side of the bed, and lift her legs up to my shoulders. After fifty minutes of almost continuous foreplay, I finally go inside her. Before I can even start moving, she gets dangerously close to her eventual orgasm, but she must wait! After waiting a few minutes, I start slowly pumping into her, her pussy making wet sounds the whole time. I start gradually increasing my tempo, while she is begging me to go faster the whole time. Nope~ you must wait, at least until I cum too! Crap, shouldn¡¯t have mentioned that, I¡¯m getting there too! I increase my pace a little more, trying to calculate for a nice mutual finish. I¡¯m now plowing into her, making wet slapping noises, when it finally arrives. I jackhammer away, and with a final thrust, release my load into her as she reaches her orgasm. And what an orgasm it was, she started screeching and flailing around like she had a seizure, finally falling unconscious. After a minute, I¡¯m hard again, it¡¯s the Princess¡¯ turn now! I knee-walk over to Charlotte, and orient her for doggy style, and position myself for sticking it to the royal family. Using my hand, I guide my dick up to her pussy, and get the tip at the entrance. Feeling generous, I slap her ass as I thrust in, getting that whole ¡°it hurts¡± business out of the way, she responds with a moaning shriek. Waiting might be better for this whole consort business, so I lean down and start playing with her nipples, while alternating between nibbling her ear and kissing her neck, enjoying the twitches her pussy gives me. Charlotte starts rocking her hips, giving me the ok to move, which I oblige her. She soon starts moaning, pleading me to go faster, which I oblige her. Soon, as I¡¯m hammering away at her pussy, I reach my limit. Eh, she wants four kids right? So let¡¯s give them to her! I ramp up my speed until she climaxes as I dump my load into her, and she collapses into a heap. Hmmm¡ That¡¯s like an hour gone, the rest of the night to go~! I should fetch the clothes I made! See you guys later!
---
The next afternoon- Tyche PoV
I wake up hugging onto Midas¡¯ right side, my whole body aching, wearing a school swimsuit. Welp, there has to be a downside to full-body orgasms right? I achingly lift my head up to find a princess in a similar situation staring at me, wearing a sailor uniform, hugging onto his left side.
Charlotte: ¡°Is he normally like that?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope, your idiot brother flipped that switch in him. Him waking up will be fun~. I have something similar, but my hair changes with it. His is weird though...¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Really now¡ It was fun though¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Don¡¯t make a face like that, we¡¯ll set you up with a door that leads to our houses.¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Really? Yay!¡±
Tyche: ¡°We should mess with him when he wakes up.¡±
That was easy, I heard that morning afters usually suck! Ooh, Midas is waking up! This will be fun~!
Tyche: ¡°Morning honey~! Last night was great!¡±
Charlotte: (playing along) ¡°You should really learn to be gentle, especially with a virgin¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Wha-? Huh? That was real?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep, you saved a ¡®would-be victim¡¯ from a ¡®kidnapping rapist¡¯ by killing him.¡±
Charlotte: ¡°And then you took me as your prize, and ravished both of us all night, doing ¡®this¡¯ and ¡®that¡¯.¡±
Tyche: ¡°¡®This¡¯ was fun, but ¡®that¡¯ hurt a little bit. The costumes were fun though, I¡¯m keeping this one though, I want a sailor uniform too.¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Ditto! I want one of those swimsuits!¡±
Midas: ¡°I can¡¯t believe I did that!¡±
Midas is now kneeling in the corner, panicking in the nude. O~hohohohohohoho! This is revenge for yesterday! Feel our pain! Anyway~ we should go now, I¡¯d get the Fairies to give you the stats, but they aren¡¯t here at the moment.
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Okay, The Prince being hamsterkin is a victim of math. I have a writing process where I determine some things by chance (I have a couple numbered lists of things, and I roll dice to determine them), and The King became bear, while the Queen became Mouse. What do you get from bear + mouse? Hamster, of course! There could be other things, but I didn¡¯t think of them.
On another note, Midas¡¯ Sadistic mode is really hard to write for. It¡¯s been giving me a lot of trouble to make him not seem psychopathic.
Last, I¡¯m making them OP, but they won¡¯t go spraying it everywhere. They will be using it for comfort though¡ Who wants to shit in the woods all the time?
That, and I¡¯m not making this a harem story. Like I might have said before, there will be the occasional one night stands or whatever, but the focus will be on our two protagonists. This one happened because the dice said so¡
I¡¯m going back to playing Payday 2 now. See you guys next time!
Chapter 13 - Girl Talk is Confusing...
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Spatial Cabin - Afternoon
Hold on a second, can¡¯t monologue and get out of bed with this much aching going on¡ Okay, now that that is out of the way, welcome back! I shuffle over to Charlotte and help her out of bed.
Charlotte: ¡°Too bad we don¡¯t know healing magic¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°I do, do you want to be a virgin again?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°No! That hurt too much the first time, never again please! Wait¡ Healing magic restores the hymen?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep! Learned that the hard way¡ Follow me, the bath is this way~.¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Shouldn¡¯t we loot the wardrobe first?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Good idea, let¡¯s do things your way¡¡±
We start digging through Midas¡¯ wardrobe, finding all sorts of things from video game, anime, and manga costumes, to S&M bondage gear¡ What kind of person does Midas think I am? I¡¯m pretty open sexually, but not that bad¡ Ooh! Sailor uniform in black, and another armored corset, in black also. As an afterthought, I grab some golden kneesocks, as that will match the golden Minstrel symbols I put on all of my clothes. Charlotte picks out a miniskirt military uniform, foregoing the hat, on account of her ears. To the bath, and hopefully some sort of conversation!
---
Bath
Charlotte: ¡°How do you have a hot spring in your cabin?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Magic? I don¡¯t know either, it¡¯s a Spatial Cabin Ring. So~ tell me about yourself, we¡¯ve already went all the way, and know next to nothing about each other¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°You know pretty much everything: I¡¯m a princess, play with the maids, trying to not die from my brother¡¯s plots¡
Well, this is depressing, her brother is an asshole¡ Kind of glad Midas¡¯ switch got flipped, otherwise I would have killed the bastard slowly¡
Charlotte: ¡°Now tell me about yourself! How come you act like a guy sometimes, while it¡¯s the opposite for Midas?¡±
Crap¡ How does one explain this? ¡°Oh, this is a poorly made game world, designed as a game to bring two groups of people to peace.¡±? Yeah¡ That¡¯s not gonna work¡ Let¡¯s go with half-truth!
Tyche: ¡°Due to circumstances you wouldn¡¯t believe, Midas and I were reborn as opposite genders¡¡±
And I try to give a heavily sanitised version of events to her.
Charlotte: ¡°You¡¯re Players aren¡¯t you? Crap¡ I mean Otherworlders¡ But that would explain most of everything.¡±
They knew!? It¡¯s a conspiracy¡
Tyche: ¡°You knew? Wait, ¡®Otherworlders¡¯? Isn¡¯t that some novelization crap to justify not telling the locals anything?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°The Royals of every kingdom know. Gimme the real story!¡±
Oh¡ This reeks of interference of the Goddesses¡ And so I explain everything, back from the start.
Charlotte: ¡°Couldn¡¯t you, you know, switch yourselves back to your original genders?¡±
Tyche: ¡°We could, but it¡¯s awkward¡ You know how there¡¯s differences between the male and female body?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Yes, we did the whole shebang last night, I could tell¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°I¡¯m not talking about plumbing, I¡¯m talking about structure and chem¡ pheromones in your brain¡ We should probably move out of here, we¡¯ve been in here too long¡¡±
I feel like I¡¯m about to pass out, and Charlotte shouldn¡¯t be far off either. We exit the bath, get dressed in our new clothes, and move into the livingroom to continue the conversation.
Charlotte: ¡°What was that word you were going to say before?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Chemicals¡ Think of it like alchemical ingredients, the whole body is full of them. Anyway, there¡¯s subtle differences in the bone structure of males and females, one of them being the pelvis. On the chemical front, males and females have different ones, and the same ones, but in different amounts in their body. The pelvis alone makes it so you have to relearn how to walk again. Chemically, your whole body just feels¡ wrong, alien¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°That just sounds so weird¡¡±
We continue talking about all kinds of minor things, like music, art, clothes, and Midas... I suck at this girl talk thing¡ I pull out one of my ongoing projects to work on as we talk. As I have a test subject here, I might as well finish it so she can test it, this will advance my worldbuilding!
It¡¯s a sheet of glass inserted into an enamel painted wooden frame, that has a rod shaped mana stone embedded into it. I¡¯ve had this theory that talisman enchants MIGHT work off of mana. Theoretically, you could run some minor artifacts with mana alone, but you won¡¯t be able to do the big things, like spell talismans. The last piece that really needs testing is this card sized sheet of metal, which only needs some blood enamel to before testing can commence.
Tyche: ¡°Can I have some blood?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Why?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Gift for you, have to see if it works first, and it needs blood for it to work.¡±
She holds out her arm, which I dab with some numbing sap I bought on one of my shopping expeditions, cut her wrist with a clean knife and let the blood fall into a bottle. While channelling healing energy into her wrist with one hand, I bring my scribing tools out of my inventory into the other. I label the bottle with her name, and use some of it to make some blood enamel in another labeled jar. I use that enamel to paint the card, channel some fire mana onto it to cure it, and then begin disassembling the wood and glass contraption. I add the metal card into it, reassemble it, and hand it to her.
Tyche: ¡°Channel mana into it, need to see if it works.¡±
Charlotte: (suspiciously) ¡°This is safe right?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep, this is one of those things that either work, or doesn¡¯t.¡±
Charlotte: ¡°You sure? Why can¡¯t you do it?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I can¡¯t, I used your blood to make it¡¡±
As I¡¯m about to take another set of the contraption out of my inventory, she begins channeling mana into hers which turns it on, surprising her. That¡¯s right, I made a mana tablet! Bow before my mightiness! I discovered recently that I could download things with the wifi implant, but only into mana stones which is convenient as hell. We were using everything in the cloud before, which sucks for purchases when the internet or store servers go down¡ Now we can download things to crystals and store them in the inventory!
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How did I make it? I downloaded a version of iDrone onto the mana crystal, which was connected to a complicated spell circuit which ¡°runs¡± it, and displays onto the sheet of glass¡ Getting that sheet of glass right sucked, because it¡¯s really two sheets of glass sealed together with this rainbow squid ink between them. Which is cheap, but hard to find because nobody wants it¡ Anyway, it turns on because the mana runs through the case into the card, which feeds it into the circuit. Looking closely, I find out that my theory is wrong¡ It does take the mana from the user, but it activates from the minute ki every person unknowingly emits from their body¡ Meh, I hate being wrong, but at least it works! I just have to work on deploying the broadcasting antennas, so they can all connect together!
Charlotte: ¡°What is this? There¡¯s all these shapes and words on it!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Mana tablet, you can store, look up, and manage information with it! You can also use it for communication and entertainment too! I have to create some other things to make this project fully operable though¡ But the cool thing is, since I used your blood, nobody can steal it!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Do you know what this means?¡±
Tyche: ¡°That I can finally play Fruit Ninja and Solitaire again?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°What are¡ Forget about that, we can spread information among the people! Everyone can get an education with this! We can warn of disasters, better coordinate for them¡¡±
While she¡¯s rambling about how awesome the tablet is with her Royal Hat on, I complete another two tablets with the Midas/Tyche blend of blood for Midas and I to use. After completing them, I set them up with iDrone user accounts so they can use the messaging app and whatnot. Using my tablet, I remote connect to Charlotte¡¯s, and set up her account.
Before you ask, I¡¯m not connecting them to the outside world. Yet. They themselves should advance further before anything that extreme should happen. Meh, I have to design servers, access terminals, and lots of other crap for this whole plan to come into fruition... The relays are pretty easy, they are complete already, it¡¯s just spell circuits. Setting them up will be a pain in the ass, should probably make a request at the AG¡ Oh! Knowing that the card works, we can make an item that should let her enter our houses! Let me add this to the ¡°To-Do List¡± app that I made sure this damn tablet has! So much crap to do, but first, a round of Fruit Ninja!
---
Armistice Online Headquarters - Boardroom - 3rd Person PoV
The whole room is in an uproar due to our protagonists. Everyone there has a range of emotions on their face, from wonder to mirth, while one person is confused...
Lore II: ¡°What am I even doing here?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Your predecessor was fired for slacking off... We just watch Tyche and Midas.¡±
Maintenance: ¡°You forgot about the last stunt he tried to pull, trying to receive a patent for another¡¯s work...¡±
System: ¡°Speaking of that, who would have known that Ki Talismans could be utilised in that way, and it would really work?¡±
Maintenance: ¡°The icing on the cake was that Tyche already filed a patent on it¡ How did she even do that?¡±
GM Department: ¡°The wifi implant, I don¡¯t know why she even has that¡¡±
Connection: *wakes up* ¡°She doesn¡¯t, it¡¯s part of the whole Goddess thing, we just told her she does so she doesn¡¯t discover what she is right away and goes berserk or something extreme.¡±
System: ¡°Oh, awake today Connection? Care to explain your hypothesis for the hair passive, and Midas¡¯ new personality mode?¡±
Connection: ¡°You remember the Alpha testers?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Yeah, what about them?¡±
Connection: ¡°What do you think happened to them?¡±
Maintenance: ¡°You don¡¯t mean¡¡±
Connection: ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m sure they probably got absorbed by them or something similar. Tyche was the only long term coma patient who was in the Alpha Test... AI Development could probably explain it better¡¡±
AI Development: ¡°The coma angle could explain why she survived. Midas still being there is most likely because he was present, and thus recognized by her. The quick thinking on the Fairy¡¯s part helped too¡ That would explain those two, but you¡¯re saying that the others¡¯ personalities are being channeled by them?¡±
System: ¡°That would explain all the new Goddesses¡ She¡¯s fragmenting some of the Alphas off to fill the position¡¡±
Lore II: ¡°Should we bring in a psychologist to consult on this?¡±
Everyone is shocked to hear this. The Lore Department finally suggesting something useful? This is a new concept for everyone present, so they take a moment to fully appreciate the situation.
GM Department: ¡°Don¡¯t ever change Lore II. We would never forgive you if you did¡¡±
Lore II: ¡°Okay¡ But would that be doable?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s easy, we already have one on retainer for them. Shouldn¡¯t be too hard to set something up.¡±
Lore II: ¡°Another thing I noticed, they are only using manipulation for magic. Why is that?¡±
System: ¡°It looks like a toss up between us tricking them into disabling skill-assist, and laziness¡¡±
Lore II: ¡°Why would you trick them into that?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Because they were breaking the balance of the game?¡±
Lore II: ¡°Aren¡¯t they doing that moreso now? *looks over character sheet* You should probably disable skill assist all together, and implement some sort of class talent system¡ Their class is absolutely garbage without skill assist. Nobody these days really uses chants for magic anyway, except for grand magics...¡±
Silence is pervading the room, as this is more helpful ideas from one person than what the entire Lore Department has given since the creation of the company. A discussion quickly ensues, as the security camera silently watches, and the Goddess behind it nods in approval.
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Meh, trying to remember all the plot holes I purposely left in the story, to blame the developers is hard¡ I have a talent tree to write up, this will suck¡ Next chapter will be more crafting, and a family reunion of sorts. I also have a decision to make coming soon based on the map I have in the making: Human or Demon kingdom next? Demon kingdom will be them wrecking shit for revenge, and Human kingdom will be a dungeon. We¡¯re gonna visit them all, but I figure a little reader interaction here and there wouldn¡¯t hurt much. I also decided after the next Kingdom is when the ¡°game¡± is released...
Anyway, moar Payday 2 for me!
Character Info Teaser
I spent all day working on these, and the power going out multiple times from birds connecting the power lines didn''t help either... By the third power outage, I became smart enough to do the charts completely in google drive before starting in the table editor...
Also, I spent a good chunk of time making Tyche''s Minstrel passives sound sexual, and fail at it. Then, when I didn''t try at all, they totally became sexual... Anyone who has ever played guitar has at one time wished to be double-jointed... The lung capacity is for singing, but turns into a hidden blowjob passive... Midas'' became like that do to the random factor finally spewing out something good for him instead of the usual bad luck he gets...
Someone said that they had no enemies for revenge... Engine? Then there''s the whole slew of stuff they did during the first batch of worldbuilding, that makes some people scared of them. That, or it could be something unrelated... You never know what the dice will tell me to write... Also, Charlotte can''t come adventuring with them yet... Looks like we''re heading to the human kingdom next for some dungeoneering!
Chapter 14 will maybe be later tonight, or afternoon tomorrow, as I spent most of today on those charts. My writing style is the dice, and leaving the drive document open all day, and typing a block of letters when I have free time.
---
Status
Level:
23
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
930
Mana/Psy:
986
Ki:
1396
Stamina
976
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Physical
Agility:
39
Strength:
25
Defensive
Constitution:
40
Endurance:
42
Mental
Intellect:
42
Wisdom:
33
Other
Dexterity:
28
Perception:
22
Spirit:
59
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Fire:
35%
Earth:
25%
Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.
The Cosplayer class allows one to gain the attributes and abilities of other classes by wearing their clothing.
Bonuses includes ignoring class specific items, weapons, and armor.
C = Chosen - R = Random - IC = In Combat - One point per level - Lottery will randomly grant prizes!
Cosplayer Passives
Tyche
Midas
Shrine Maiden
Spirit
Samurai
Agility
+15% Ki Manipulation
+15% Draw/Sheathe Speed
+30% Ki Range
+40% Step Speed
Evil Detection
Die By the Sword: Ignore pain when
the odds are against you.
Ninja
Agility
Street Fighter
Spirit
+15% Stealth
+10% Ki Emission Size
+20% Armor Penetration
+30% Ki Charge Speed
Item/Weapon Concealment
Last Boss: Auto wake up from
knockout once per battle.
Minstrel
Dexterity
None Detected
---
Perfect Pitch
---
Multijointed
---
15% Lung Capacity
---
If you''re still reading, how would you people feel about Yuri Fairies?
Chapter 14 - Sandwiches, Patch Notes and Family, Oh My!
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Charlotte¡¯s Bedroom, Charlotte¡¯s Apartment - Royal Palace - Odin
Charlotte: ¡°Can¡¯t you make it look like the ones in Midas¡¯ videos?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I¡¯m trying here, gimme a second. Body manipulation like this is new territory for me you know¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Bigger too!¡±
Ack! I¡¯m busy here, go bother the Fairies for a little bit! They should be in the sitting room with Midas¡ Now shoo!
---
Charlotte¡¯s Sitting Room, Charlotte¡¯s Apartment - Royal Palace - Odin
Selene PoV
Selene: ¡°Ufufufufufu! She sure can be cute when she¡¯s sleeping!¡±
I¡¯m slowly stroking Artemis¡¯ head as I give her a- HEY! GO AWAY! Go bother Midas or something, he¡¯s moping in that corner, like he has been for the past week...
---
Midas PoV
Oh¡ Hello there¡ Welcome to Mopefest, population: me¡ I still can¡¯t believe that I went crazy like that¡ That Hamster ticked me off, and it¡¯s like I became a new person¡
Selene: ¡°Hey!¡±
I didn¡¯t like it at all, it¡¯s like what I did made sense at the time¡.
Selene: ¡°Listen!¡±
This isn¡¯t anything like Tyche¡¯s hair passive¡
Selene: ¡°Hey! Listen!¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
Selene: ¡°Oi! Dumbass!¡±
Midas: ¡°Huh?¡±
Selene: ¡°Tell them that I wasn¡¯t giving her a lap pillow!¡±
Artemis: (awake now) ¡°Awwww, but I like when you give me them!¡±
Selene: ¡°... now they know¡¡±
Artemis: ¡°At least learn the right way to deny things¡¡±
Selene: ¡°...¡±
While the Fairies are having a lover¡¯s quarrel, I¡¯ll resume Mopefest¡
Selene: ¡°Oi! Don¡¯t call it that!¡±
Artemis: ¡°Isn¡¯t that what this is though?¡±
Selene: ¡°How-¡±
Artemis: ¡°As one of their Fairies, I can listen to their thoughts like you do¡¡±
Selene: ¡°...¡±
Yeah, they are an item now¡ They were trying to hide it from us, but it¡¯s not something even I wouldn''t notice all the way over here in Mopefest¡ As I¡¯m about to resume Mopefest, I feel something poking me in the cheek. I turn my head to look over and-
Midas: ¡°WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!¡±
Tyche: ¡°FEAR ME MORTAL, FOR I HAVE BECOME A FUTANARI!¡±
Midas: ¡°Is that a-¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Yep! It feels amazing! We need you!¡±
Midas: ¡°No you don¡¯t, nothing is going in my bottom! In fact Tyche and I have a signed contract stating that somewhere¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°... That sucks¡ Wait, didn¡¯t you use to be a girl? Wait, that¡¯s not important, we need you for this Male Elven technique called the French Sandwich!¡±
Midas: ¡°You know that I used to be a girl? Wait, NO! I will not be the ¡®Lucky Pierre¡¯! The contract, remember?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°He is a dumbass, I swear¡ You can be the bread you idiot¡¡±
Midas: ¡°The Bread at the start, and it¡¯s a deal¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Shut up and follow us¡¡±
Oh ho~! We have a fellow pervert comrade here! When we fetch the family later, Grandmother and I should induct her into our order¡ *Cough* Anyway, we head to Charlotte¡¯s bedroom, where Charlotte hops on the bed, and lies on her side. Tyche soon follows suit, laying behind her, and inserting. This has to be at the top of the weirdest things I¡¯ve done list¡ I get behind Tyche, and as I was about to insert, I get yelled at¡
Tyche: ¡°NOT THAT HOLE! The contract remember?¡±
Midas: ¡°You mean you have both with that¡ thing?¡±
Tyche: ¡°It¡¯s just a bigger, reshaped, and semi-repositioned clitoris¡ So stick it in the right hole this time!¡±
I get it in the right hole this time, and all of us try to get the right rhythm¡ Please excuse us, this requires all of my attention.
---
Spatial Cabin - Bath
Tyche PoV
Ahhhh~ A bath sure feels awesome after mind numbing, toe-curling sex! Now that we know body manipulation for the privates work, maybe midas can grow another¡ member? The contract you say? My clause only states that for there to be anal, there has to be lube involved. Gross you say? Gay you say? Shapeshifter, remember? Anyway, it doesn¡¯t feel as good as old fashioned vaginal sex, but both at the same time should feel fucking awesome! There is a very flustered, awkward looking Midas between Charlotte and I, who is blushingly trying to cover up his junk¡
Tyche: ¡°Why are you trying to cover up?¡±
Midas: ¡°Because the Maids are here!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Wuss, they have been watching us screw like bunnies for the past week anyway¡¡±
Midas: ¡°That¡¯s the worst part about it! Why do you make them watch?¡±
Maid 1: ¡°We don¡¯t mind, we like watching!¡±
Maid 2: ¡°What¡¯s more important is how you were still able to have sex while in Mopeville¡ Mopetown? Mopedale?¡±
Midas: ¡°Mopefest always has time for sex!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Why didn¡¯t you two join in?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yeah, things would have been better that way¡¡±
Maid 1: ¡°We don¡¯t want to get impregnated by the beast...¡±
Maid 2: ¡°Like the Princess¡¡±
Midas: ¡°...It¡¯s not my fault¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°What am I, chopped Hamster?¡±
Maids: ¡°Forgot¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°You should have said something¡ I found a way to halt your menstrual cycle with a bracelet, I just need your blood¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Tyche¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Already on it, sold some to all the brothels in the city! Gave the recipe/pattern to the local temple, they will make and sell it, we get 70% of the profits!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°60%, I get 10%...¡±
Midas: ¡°That¡¯s not what I was talking about¡¡±
Our conversation was suddenly interrupted by a red screen¡ I hate red screens, they usually have bad news¡
[table=red]
Ver. 1.00 Pre-Release Patchnotes:
* Factions have been removed.
* The Options menu has an option to change Mana/Psy to either/or.
* All Skills and Passives have been removed from spellbooks.
* The Spellbook has been removed.
* Skill Assist has been removed, everything must be done manually now.
* Class Talent Trees has now been implemented.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.* Passives can now be gained from Talent Trees.
* Everyone (including NPCs) can now access the UI.
Please consult the help menu by saying "Help" if needed.
Warning: As per the AI/Spirit Protection act of all three "Countries", you will be held criminally liable for anything illegal you may do in game.
Most punishments are solved with monetary fines or jail time. Murdering Key/Innocent NPCs, or rape of any NPC may lead to the death penalty via VR Death.
Please note that these are only a selected few, and the rest can be looked up in the help menu.
Continuing to play means you agree with this. If you disagree with this, log off now.
[/table]
They mustn¡¯t be kidding either, Charlotte and the Maids eyes are wide¡ This is good news, at least my new home won¡¯t turn to shit with the new players¡ Oh! Talent Tree! Let¡¯s just jam all the points in it for now¡ Oh ho! Midas and I share the same tree, gotta love shared stats! OH! Got a thousand gold from the lottery! Thanks Luck-Sama!
Tyche: ¡°Selene, can you show us the stats, and whatever other new crap they added? You and Artemis are probably gonna have to explain some things to them after this¡¡±
Selene: *sigh* ¡°Sure¡¡±
The Cosplayer class allows one to gain the attributes and abilities of other classes by wearing their clothing.
Bonuses includes ignoring class specific items, weapons, and armor.
C = Chosen - R = Random - IC = In Combat - One point per level - Lottery will randomly grant prizes!
Cosplayer Passives
Tyche
Midas
Shrine Maiden
Spirit
Samurai
Agility
+15% Ki Manipulation
+15% Draw/Sheathe Speed
+30% Ki Range
+40% Step Speed
Evil Detection
Die By the Sword: Ignore pain when
the odds are against you.
Ninja
Agility
Street Fighter
Spirit
+15% Stealth
+10% Ki Emission Size
+20% Armor Penetration
+30% Ki Charge Speed
Item/Weapon Concealment
Last Boss: Auto wake up from
knockout once per battle.
Minstrel
Dexterity
None Detected
---
Perfect Pitch
---
Multijointed
---
15% Lung Capacity
---
With this bomb dropped on us, we can¡¯t enjoy the bath anymore. So, we exit and get dressed¡ I mean the Maids help us get dressed¡ Being important sucks¡ It looks like the Fairies will be busy explaining things to Charlotte, who is taking notes on her tablet¡ See, it¡¯s making it¡¯s debut here! I¡¯ll go craft things while we wait for the family to arrive¡
The servers are complete, they were easy to do: similar spell circuit to the tablet, but tons of slots for mana crystals. iDrone even makes server operating systems, so I installed that, and a ton of mana crystals for storage¡ Printers and scanners were easy¡ Scanners is basically a table with a spell circle on top of it, connected to a computer. You put whatever you want scanned in the circle, and it will just download everything in there. The printer ink on the other hand, was hard as hell¡ Fucking rainbow squids¡ We have a breeding farm for them in the works¡.
I¡¯m making headphones right now, which will be hella useful! I can listen to things without having it broadcasted to everyone! I¡¯m assembling it right now, they look like studio headphones, which are badass looking! They are made of plastic, metal and leather. The plastic is a funny story really¡ There is this gigantic dandelion that is normally considered a weed, due to its stalk being comprised of plastic, which is filled with a latex sap¡ I almost tore my hair out when I heard that everyone just burned them because they were useless¡ After some thwacks, and a firm lecture, they now know the importance of those flowers¡ Anyway, the headphones are complete, which I slide onto my head, getting caught¡ on¡ my fox ears¡ FUUUUUUUUUCK! Thinking quickly, I take them off again, and fiddle with the spell circuit, to make it telepathic instead of a speaker¡ Yeah, that will work¡ I put them on, and experience true comfort. I love it when a project turns out this well¡
Cosplay detected! [Minstrel] has converted into [Vocaloid]!
Passives will remain the same!
¡ Really? Hold on a second¡ *hnnnng* My hair turns red, making me look like Teto¡ Heh, this totally works¡ Red hair, drills, Chimera? Totally Kasane Teto¡ While luxuriating in my victory against the evil system, a demon enters to ruin everything¡
Grandmother: ¡°Hello everyone, long time no see!¡±
Everyone: ¡°...¡±
Grandmother: ¡°Oooh! The Princess is pregnant, I can smell it! Don¡¯t tell me¡¡±
Everyone: ¡°...¡±
Grandmother: ¡°YES! GREAT GRANDCHILDREN ARE HERE!¡±
Fuuuuuuuck, this day just keeps getting worse! Come back later...
---
Author¡¯s Notes: I spent an hour looking up what the hell to call that position¡ I¡¯m gonna go fetch eyebleach now¡ Next time is the family gathering, and Cosplayer related stuff! See you next time, I need to go kill stuff in Payday 2 to cleanse my soul from that google search¡ Why did I think it was a good idea to research that? All I had to do was search on urbandictionary, and not google it like a retard¡ There¡¯s tons of videos, that morbid curiosity had me watch, but no actual name for it...
Chapter 15 - Dyin on a Prayer
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Ugh¡ How did she get away from Mom and Dad? Grandmother is currently sitting on the couch with Charlotte in her lap, asking dozens of questions without breath, and rubbing her cheek against the side of Charlotte¡¯s face¡ Charlotte looks like she wants to cry, the Maids are hiding behind Midas, who is facepalming¡ Should I use Mjolnir? Nah, Charlotte is in the way. Damnit, foiled! Looks like I¡¯ll have to dig into my special category repertoire: I go into Charlotte''s room and pick up a certain item, pour something from a bottle onto it, go back into the Sitting Room, act like Andy Samberg, and throw it on the ground.
Tyche: ¡°I¡¯m an adult!¡±
Grandmother: ¡°Noooooo! THE PRECIOUS!¡±
She picks it up, places it to her face, inhales deeply, wears it as a hat, and then finally passes out. ¡ Really? That was the strongest sleeping potion on the market, it¡¯s supposed to work instantly¡ Anyway~, let¡¯s pack up the demon, and send it where it belongs¡ I pull a wooden shipping crate out of my inventory, and place the demon inside it. After nailing the lid shut, I take out a hand drill, and drill some holes in.
Maids: ¡°ISN¡¯T THAT DANGEROUS!?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I¡¯ll have to do more than that to actually hurt her. Goddesses know I¡¯ve tried¡¡±
Right when I was about to open a portal back home to drop her from a Jesse Spencer approved distance from the ground, I get interrupted from my righteous duty.
Mammon: ¡°What are you doing, and did she deserve it?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Returning to sender. She always deserves it¡¡±
Mammon: ¡°May I suggest the lake instead?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Good idea Daddy~!¡±
Maids: ¡°SHE¡¯LL DROWN!¡±
Tyche/Mammon: ¡°Plenty of air holes, she¡¯ll be fine!¡±
See? This is why I kept him around when I was growing up: he¡¯s full of good ideas, and does plenty of stuff for me! As I open a portal to push the crate into, Dad puts his hand on my shoulder, interrupting me.
Mammon: ¡°Portals are so mainstream¡ Oi Princess!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Y-Yes!?¡±
Mammon: ¡°There are catapults on the towers right?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°C-can I help?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Can you help? Of course you can! This is like an initiation into the family!¡±
Tyche: ¡°No need to be shy, he won¡¯t bite or anything. I know you wanna shout ¡®YAY!¡¯, isn¡¯t shooting someone from a catapult every person¡¯s dream?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°YAY!¡±
---
East Tower Roof,next to the big ass catapult - Royal Palace
We are all lined up next to the catapult, staring at the lake. Charlotte is holding the rope, with shining eyes, while the Maids are staring wide eyed at the whole thing.
Artemis: ¡°WAIT!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yes?¡±
Artemis: ¡°I saw on one of those shows where they did the drumroll before occasions like this, can we do that?¡±
Tyche: ¡°If you play the kazoo, we can make it a dirge. To bad we don¡¯t have bagpipes¡¡±
I pull out a snare drum with drumsticks out of my inventory, while Artemis pulls out her kazoo from her belt pouch.
*RATATATATATATATATTATATATATATATA*
*DZOOOOO DZOO DZOOOOOOOO*
Charlotte pulls the rope, and Grandmother¡¯s crate makes a beautiful arc through the air as she overshoots the lake, hitting the river leading into it instead. However, before the crate could sink all the way, the current brings it over the waterfall that leads directly into the lake, making a satisfying splash you could almost hear from up on top of the tower.
Mammon: ¡°If anyone asks, we did it that way on purpose¡¡±
Everyone: ¡°Agreed¡¡±
Fortuna: ¡°I¡¯m here! Did I make it? Awwwwwwwwwwwww¡¡±
Guard: ¡°What are you doing up here? INTRUDERS!¡±
Mammon: ¡°Shit! Run!¡±
Midas grabs Charlotte under one arm, and me under the other and books it, with the Maids following closely behind. Wait¡ Why the hell are we running from the guards? We have the goddamned Princess right here! That¡¯s practically the biggest get out of jail free card there is!
Tyche: ¡°Wait! Stop!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°No! Don¡¯t stop!¡±
Tyche: ¡°... Why are we running from your own guards¡¡±
Guard: ¡°They kidnapped the Princess!¡±
Oh, that¡¯s why¡ I got this! I pull my secret weapon out of the inventory.
Tyche: ¡°No we didn¡¯t! We¡¯re taking her to an appointment!¡±
Guard: ¡°Let¡¯s see some credentials then!¡±
I hand him the wallet, which he opens and then reads twice in a confused manner while looking back and forth between the wallet and Charlotte. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before handing it back and running off while saying over his shoulder.
Guard: ¡°C-carry on¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°What is that?¡±
I hand it to her so she could inspect it. About damn time I could use this, I¡¯ve been waiting for about a week now¡
Charlotte: ¡°...What is this¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Psychic paper, it shows what you want to see. Why? What¡¯s it say?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Not important¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Seriously, tell me, it¡¯s not like I walk around with a badge that says ¡®Royal Underwear Inspector¡¯ on it just for this joke, right?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Right¡ That¡¯s exactly what it says! How did you¡ Wait!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hurry up, I have to be there when my parents meet your Mother! I have to know something!¡±
Midas: ¡°What?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Well, we are the only Chimeras right? Chimerans? Envoys of Badassedry? Note to self: invent proper terms for our race. Anyway, we have to find out if we¡¯re Royalty or something cool! That no [Inspect] on living Royals sounds awesome.¡±
Yes, it sounds awesome! We can mix that with our body manipulation, and have multiple identities! Hold on a second, this murmuring in my head is getting annoying, let me turn up my music¡
---
Queen¡¯s Apartment - Royal Palace
Looks like we made it here before everyone, but the guards are blocking our way¡ Come on now, we have the freaking Crown Princess, Heir Apparent to the goddamned throne here¡ I pull out the badge and show it to them.
Tyche: ¡°Royal Underwear Inspectors, it¡¯s the Queen¡¯s turn now!
Royal Guard 1: ¡°She¡¯s not here yet, please wait inside...¡±
This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.Royal Guard 2: ¡°There are inspectors for everything these days¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Please don¡¯t flash that everywhere, it depresses me when people believe it¡¡±
We head into the apartment, and enter the sitting room, where I pull out some of my ongoing projects to work on as we wait for everyone. This is what will allow us to jump around the world! And allow Charlotte and other people we like to visit from time to time¡ It¡¯s a doorknob with a slot above it! Everyone we like gets a key card talisman, which activates the spell circuit we draw on the door frame to a police box, or a closet or something similar. This circuit quantum entangles that door to a door we have in an enclosed room in our [Personal Space]. That room has walls lined with doors, that will eventually lead to any of our houses that we have bought, or will buy.
This [Spatial Attribute] is really insane¡ We can teleport, open portals, quantum entangle, manipulate space, conjure anything. I know we wanted to be overpowered, but this is just breaking everything! The best part about becoming overpowered, is the journey to it! Finding and creating exploits! Randomly being given an ability that rivals Gods is ridiculous¡ Midas and I agreed on only using it for comfort, and quality of life improvements. We won¡¯t be doing anything ez-mode like cutting bosses in half with portals or conjuring legendary items¡ Hold on, that murmuring is getting louder, need to turn up the music again¡
---
Midas PoV
Mammon: ¡°Hello again Lilian.¡±
Lilian: ¡°It¡¯s nice to see you two again, it¡¯s been a while. Back when Ralph was still alive¡¡±
Oh, the Queen has a name? Learn something new everyday.
Lilian: ¡°So, we have a Consort agreement so draw up today.¡±
Mammon: ¡°Two sets really¡¡±
Lilian: ¡°?! So it¡¯s true then?¡±
Mammon: ¡°Keep quiet about it though, we have the Guild, and that¡¯s all we need for the time being. Besides, there¡¯s only four of us currently, the ones on the way won¡¯t count because of the consort agreement, so there¡¯s really no people to ¡®govern¡¯ as King...¡±
Title acquired: [Prince of Chimeras]
Type: Official
You are now a Royal! Your words carry weight now, and [Inspect] does not work on you anymore!
Oh-ho! Tyche will be pleased! I look over to see her thrashing around on the ground, clutching her head like it hurts¡ What¡¯s going on? I crouch next to her and hold her down, trying to see how I can help... Why isn¡¯t healing energy working? She won¡¯t stop thrashing around!
Midas: ¡°HELP! SELENE! What¡¯s wrong with Tyche?¡±
Selene: ¡°...¡±
She looks worried, closes her eyes and looks like she¡¯s concentrating. How is that going to help! Everyone in the room is now looking at Tyche like she¡¯s going to die! She can¡¯t die! As I was about to give in to despair, I found myself falling from the ceiling and hitting the ground.
Jesse Spencer: ¡°Get out of the way, crying about it won¡¯t help anything!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Who is that!?¡±
Mammon: ¡°That¡¯s Jesse Spencer, the baby dropper. She¡¯s also the Beastkin Goddess in her spare time.¡±
Jesse Spencer: ¡°Why do you two call me that? I have a name you know¡ It¡¯s Rhea¡ Anyway, shut up, and stop distracting me¡
She pulls two bracelets out of nothing, and holds them while concentrating. She then drops one in my lap and puts the other on Tyche¡¯s wrist, who immediately relaxes. I put on my bracelet and use [Inspect] on it:
Bracelet of Pandora: Bracelet made with the combined power of all the Goddesses.
May only be removed once all conditions are met.
Type: Accessory --- Rarity: Divine
Effects:
* +5 to all stats in combat.
* (Hidden)
* (Hidden)
Midas: ¡°She¡¯ll be fine, right? ¡ !¡±
She left without explaining anything! She must be fine, as she¡¯s hugging her tails while rolling around, sleepily muttering about blueberries¡ Suddenly, she bounces up like she just fell with a shriek. She¡¯s fine! I pick her up in a hug.
---
??? - Tyche PoV
Ah, the pain is gone! I stretch out lazily, luxuriating in the comfort of this bed¡ Bed? Wasn¡¯t I in the Queen¡¯s apartment before? Wearily, I open my eyes, and find myself in a room where everything is navy blue¡ Is that a poster of me? I try to get up, and notice the small girl with blue hair using me as a hug pillow¡ Crap¡ Did I kidnap her while I was delirious? Am I a criminal now? I¡¯m not a lolicon, I swear! While I was panicking, the girl wakes up, and looks at me. Ah, she smells like blueberries! I¡¯m keeping her! Who cares if I become a criminal, when I have my very own blueberry huggie? I hug her tight and roll around while humming my victory song. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and the girl was picked up by the collar.
Jesse Spencer (Rhea): ¡°What are you doing? You shouldn¡¯t have brought her astral body here¡ You two can¡¯t meet yet¡¡±
Girl: ¡°Muuuuuuu! Jesse Spencer is a meanie~!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yeah! What she said! Give her back!¡±
Rhea: ¡°I just told your brother this, so I¡¯m telling you this now: My name is Rhea¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Who cares about that? Give her back! My blueberry hugg- ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!¡±
The bitch just dropped me again! I wake up with a bounce, to find a crying Midas hugging me tight.
---
Armistice Online Headquarters - Boardroom 3rd Person PoV
Everyone is sitting at the desk, watching an irate AI Development throw things at a scared witless Systems.
AI Development: ¡°LOTTERY! I THOUGHT THE POINT WASN¡¯T TO MAKE HER REALISE WHAT SHE WAS TOO EARLY?!¡±
System: ¡°W-what else was supposed to happen with the excess points for the talent tree? And how does that affect her anyway?¡±
AI Development: ¡°It¡¯s a lottery¡ In a world that is watched over by Goddesses, what do people do? Do the math¡ THEY PRAY!¡±
System: ¡°I thought prayers were handled telepathically? She doesn¡¯t have any psychic powers ye-¡±
AI Development: ¡°HER HEADPHONES! TH-¡±
Connection: ¡°Leave him alone, the telepathic headphones came after the patch¡¡±
The irritated Goddess behind the security camera lost interest, and had better things to do, like make sure a certain Systems Employee¡¯s car will be towed, and electricity shut off.
---
Author¡¯s Notes: If you want to know about the whole blueberry thing, it¡¯s simple really. Every time someone eats the last Blueberry Yogurt, muffin, etc, I mention it. Also when they are sold out. I fucking love blueberries, and I would stab someone with my rusty hobo knife if they got in the way between me and blueberries¡ I¡¯m also that guy that cries a little when Stormrage (I like his new name) doesn¡¯t get his blueberry muffins in Demon Reaper Hero Savior¡ I think I got the series¡¯ name right? I may have gotten the order of the words wrong¡ Anyway, the stalker Blueberry Goddess makes her appearance!
Anywho~ human kingdom next chapter! I will have to wait until next month to buy a drawing tablet, so I can transfer the map I¡¯m drawing to digital¡ My old generic piece of crap doesn¡¯t work with Windows 10...
Chapter 16 - Bigots are Easy Marks
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Longer chapter than usual today folks! I didn¡¯t want to have to split this part into two parts,
---
Ranch - Two weeks later - Artemis PoV
Tyche: ¡°Ground./¡±
Artemis: ¡°EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING GROUND NOW!¡±
Tyche is currently appearing as a 5.5 foot tall human wearing what she calls her ¡°Vader Mask¡±. I still don¡¯t know what that is, but she says that she¡¯ll show Selene and I the movies later.. She¡¯s waving her phaser around at everyone on the ground, as Midas (in six foot human form) walks around, binding and gagging our very unwilling hostages.
Selene: ¡°We got a runner!¡±
Tyche: ¡°No heroes./¡±
Potential Hero: ¡°GYAAAAAAAA~!¡±
Tyche shot the runner, who falls back to the ground dead... This is fun~! Is it time for the loot now?
---
Outside Peckerwood - Sunnydale - Eight hours earlier
Welcome back! We¡¯re right outside of this town called Peckerwood! It took us almost a week to go back to Chesterwood, and the rest of the time to cross the border into Sunnydale and reach here. These quantum entangled doors are great, no crying goodbyes with Charlotte or anything! We just hop over at night, and it¡¯s like we only spent all day in town or something similar.
Anyway, Peckerwood is oddly disappointing for being a place known for its dairy products¡ Instead of buildings, there are wagons everywhere, with paths leading to them. Maybe it¡¯s a Gypsy settlement?
Gypsy?: ¡°Yew dew wut I tell yew to dew woman!¡±
A man with a mullet, in an aptly named shirt is currently beating his wife. Seriously? Can we go home now? I don¡¯t like it here at all! They have a name for people like this, and places like this, but I won¡¯t state it¡¯s name! Lore Department! I know this is your fault!
Midas: ¡°... Is this place a trail-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Don¡¯t speak its name! They will hear you! Let¡¯s turn around and go back, they might infect us or something! We should think about taking a ship to the next kingdom¡¡±
While we¡¯re at it, we should consult with Charlotte and LIlian, and see about quarantining this whole kingdom, we don¡¯t want this spreading¡ Sorry Charlotte, not buying any cows here for you! Looks like she isn¡¯t going to be trying any cheese made from cow¡¯s milk anytime in the future¡ Was that racist? Oops~! On a side note, our Kingdom Fenrir doesn¡¯t have cows, only goats. Goddamned stinky goats¡ Have you ever ate goat cheese? There¡¯s fur in it!
?Ba Na Neer Neer Neer Neer Neer Neer Neer?
Sorry about that, accidentally took out the harp¡ Shit, I attracted it¡¯s attention! RUN!
Mullet: ¡°Look what we have here! (typing out that accent is annoying, and makes spellcheck cry, so just imagine a thick, inbred redneck accent)
Midas: ¡°H-hello there!¡±
Nuuuuuuu! Don¡¯t talk to it! That¡¯s how you get infected! I wonder how you divorce someone when you are bonded at the soul? I don¡¯t want to fetch Midas beer as he watches wrestling, instead of looking for a job! Wait¡ Technically, aren¡¯t he and I brother and sister, AND our own parents? Wait, we¡¯re Chimeras now! We¡¯re practically the same person, it¡¯s more masturbation than incest! That¡¯s right, we are New Age Masturbators!
Mullet: ¡°We don¡¯t like your kind around these parts.¡±
Midas: ¡°Look, we just want to buy some cows, and be on our way¡¡±
Mullet: ¡°We don¡¯t sell to your kind around here¡ It would be ungodly!¡±
Great¡ Not only do we have redneck asshole here, we have a bigoted redneck asshole zealot¡ While this asshole spouts off his religious mumbo jumbo, I will tell you my view on religion. Treat religion like your penis: You can think yours is the biggest and best in the world, just don¡¯t show it to me, and sure as hell don¡¯t try to shove it down my throat! Hail Satan!
While the Mullet is gesticulating, and practically frothing at the mouth, I go into [Dandere Mode] and shoot him with the phaser. He collapses, and a puddle of blood starts leaking from him¡ Oops¡ I forgot to see if it was on stun or not¡ Let¡¯s use some earth magic to bury him¡ Funny story about that, while we were at the Palace, we did attribute acquisition again, and was randomly assigned wind and water attribute. Fire, Earth, Wind, and Water attribute then fused together to become ¡°Elemental¡± attribute. I should start playing with magic more often now¡
Girl: ¡°Thank¡ you¡¡±
Shit, a witness¡ Let¡¯s bring her with us I guess? Can¡¯t really kill her, as she seems like a victim more than anything. She even thanked me for accidentally killing her husband or whatever¡
---
Spatial Cabin - Right in front of it
Whitelist this lady! Vamanos~! Go~! Name required? Crap, I¡¯m bad with those¡ This is awkward¡ Let¡¯s heal her, and maybe she¡¯ll introduce herself? Presto healo! Incoming backstory¡
Girl: ¡°Thanks for rescuing me from him. His parents kidnapped me when I was a kid, to become his bride or die..¡±
Woah, I hate these backstory parts¡ Where¡¯s the cutscene skip button? Wait¡ Did they seriously mesh Gypsies and Rednecks together. And now she¡¯s crying¡ Wait! Don¡¯t cry yet, tell us your name! Let¡¯s drop Artemis on her, that should work!
Artemis: ¡°Hi! I¡¯m Artemis!¡±
Girl: ¡°*sob*¡±
Tyche: ¡°AGHGHHG! What¡¯s your name? We can¡¯t take you inside without knowing who you are...¡±
Sarah: ¡°...Sarah¡¡±
There we go! Whitelist her, and have Midas drag her in¡ Let¡¯s ask some questions here¡
Tyche: ¡°Is the whole kingdom like this?¡±
Sarah: ¡°Like what?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Racist Redneck Zealots?¡±
Sarah: ¡°No, just Peckerwood. What¡¯s a Redneck?¡±
Tyche: ¡°What those people are. Luckily we got to you in time, you shouldn¡¯t be infected¡ Anything important about this place we should know about?¡±
Sarah: ¡°There used to be a village here, until bandits wiped the whole place out, and set up camp here, trying to become legitimate¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Can you draw us a map of where everything is, guards, and anything useful?¡±
Yes! Bandits! Let¡¯s rob them, then kill them, and steal the livestock! No more goat back home! And we can see if Mousekin like cheese! Catkin like lasers, so Mousekin surely like cheese right? I take out a large sheet of paper, and a pen, handing them to Sarah, who starts drawing.
---
Odin Royal Palace
Tyche: ¡°Hi Charlotte! Hi Lilian! Borrowing your lawn!¡±
Lilian/Charlotte: ¡°Huh?¡±
I walk out of the room they were in, and head to the lawn behind the palace. I start manipulating the earth mana in the ground, raising a stone wall around a large area. There are also some watering troughs built into the wall at even intervals, and a large feeding bin in each corner. As a finishing touch, I turn one portion of the wall into a gate, and add a cow sized door to opposite side of it, which I add a spatial spell circuit to.
Lilian: ¡°What are you doing to our lawn? The Gardener is going to have a fit¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°I smell a plot!¡±
Tyche: ¡°A plot indeed! We ran into some racist ex-bandits who wouldn¡¯t sell us cows¡ So, we¡¯re going to steal the cows, and leave them here as a wedding gift? Consorts still count as married right? But you get all the responsibility, and Midas and I get all the fun? Yeah, that sounds right¡ Yeah, and after that, we¡¯re gonna kill all the bandits!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Do you need help? We can send some guards with you.¡±
Lilian: ¡°How many bandits are there?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Around 30?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°GUARDS!¡±
Lilian: ¡°GO BACK TO YOUR POSTS! Charlotte, 30 is nothing to them, they killed over two hundred in one go near Chesterwood¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s fun and all, but I have masks to make¡ See you when we¡¯re done!¡±
---
Spatial Cabin
While I make two Fairy sized masks, and a Midas sized mask, we go over the plan.
Tyche: ¡°Okay, I¡¯m going in in [Dandere Mode], where I will control the bandits on the ranch. Artemis will be BabelFairy translator. Selene will be overwatch, alerting of any incoming, or escaping bandits. Midas will restrain the bandits, and then set up the arch gateway, and lead the livestock through it¡ Any questions?¡±
Midas: ¡°Disguises?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Good idea! [Body Manipulation]? Hair, height, lose the tail, and change ears to human? Am I missing anything?¡±
Sarah: ¡°What will I do?¡±
She wants to go back? Isn¡¯t it that kidnapping victims usually want to stay away from their tormentors? Meh, add another mask to the list¡
Tyche: ¡°What¡¯s your three highest stats?¡±
Sarah: ¡°Stats?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Think ¡°Status¡± really really hard¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°Dexterity, Perception, Spirit?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Know what Ki is?¡±
Sarah: ¡°Yes, my Father was a Monk who switched to Fighter when he met my Mother. I know how to use it too!¡±
Tyche: ¡°That saves some questions too, gimme some blood! Midas! Find a bolt quiver, and take her to the wardrobe!¡±
The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
The Fairy masks are easy, they don¡¯t require the ki effects, so it¡¯s just a carving job. Artemis gets a flower mask, while Selene gets a full moon mask. I take out my Vader mask, and two other unfinished ones from the inventory, all they need is blood enamel to finish them. Midas takes some blood from her arm, and takes her out of the room. I get to work, mixing a new bottle of Blood Enamel for Sarah, and using hers, and the Midas/Tyche blend for the masks. Sarah will have to stick with a crossbow for now¡ After I finish, I look up to see a troubled Midas, and a Sarah wearing a maid outfit¡
Tyche: ¡°Do I even have to ask?¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°We can¡¯t keep her when we¡¯re done¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°They killed my parents when they kidnapped me. Can¡¯t I stay with you two?¡±
Tyche: ¡°... We can give you a shitload of money, and set you up in one of our houses¡ We can probably even hook you up with a title or something in Fenrir¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°NO! I wanna stay with you two, and repay you for-¡±
Ugh! The template, IT BURNS! Oh! We have a maid now! No more having to borrow Caroline and Coraline from Charlotte! I hate those twins¡¯ names¡ What kind of parents gives identical twins practically the same name! I just call them the Maids and get done with it¡ Hold on a second!
Tyche: ¡°I hope you don¡¯t regret this decision¡ Midas, grab that headband you were hiding from me¡¡±
Midas: ¡°How did you¡¡±
Midas walks off, and returns with the Cat-eared headband he made for me, forgetting I have fox ears¡ Well, can¡¯t blame him there, I forget I have them too most of the time¡ The best part about her being human, is that she is almost infinitely customizable! Sarah puts on the headband, and I hand her a crossbow, a bundle of bolts for it, and two long knives.
Tyche: ¡°Okay, let¡¯s get ready, try to be quiet, don¡¯t use names, and for fucks sake, answer pagers!¡±
---
Ranch - (five minutes before start of chapter)
Human ears suck! Midas and I got rid of our tail(s), and switched our ears to human. We also increased our height, which required us to get used to our new walking gait¡ We are at the base of the hill with our weapons out, and masks on.
Tyche: ¡°Remember the plan! I have to set up the sound barrier¡¡±
I switch to [Dandere Mode], put on an eyepatch, take out Box-Sama and a pile of wooden talismans. Right as I get into Box-Sama, the system screws with me again¡
Cosplay detected! [Ninja] has converted into [Legendary Mercenary]!
Passives have changed!
* +15% Stealth > +15% Stealth
* +20% Armor Penetration > +15% Knife, gun, and hand to hand combat damage
* Item/Weapon Concealment > Magic Pocket
[Magic Pocket] Really? We already have that big ass inventory¡ And the 20% flat armor penetration is way better than the knife, gun and hand to hand damage¡ I rip the eyepatch off, and tear it to pieces¡ [Legendary Mercenary] reverts back to [Ninja], and I get my awesome passives back¡ SCREW YOU SYSTEM! *cough* A-anyway, I sneak my way around the ranch, stabbing the wooden talismans into the ground in a circle around it. As I finish the circle, and find my way back to the gang, I motion to them to step inside. I form the hand sign, focus my ki, and activate the sound barrier formation.
Tyche: ¡°Go./¡±
Artemis: ¡°Let¡¯s move out!¡±
See? BabelFairy translator is 100% effective! I shall use this whenever I have to go into [Dandere Mode]! I hold up my fist, stopping everyone. I use [Inspect] on the person in front of us, and see that he carries the [Bandit] Class, and [Rapist], [Murderer], [Thief] titles¡ Level 10, really? I creep up behind him, kick the back of his knee, and when he falls downward, I put my arm around his neck while holding a kunai, and use my other arm to hold him towards me, while covering his mouth with my hand. What the hell do I do with him now? If I slit his throat, I¡¯ll get blood everywhere, including on me! Oh! Let¡¯s stab the solar plexus! I move my arm from around his neck, and stab down, into his solar plexus, while stepping to the side and gently laying him on the ground. I look around, all is silent, and nobody knows we are here. Yet.
Tyche: (whispering) ¡°Ninja./¡± *cool pose*
Yep, I totally pulled that off! Hold on a second, our corpse here is trying to get his breathing back in order¡ I¡¯m new at this alright? I kick the side of his head, resulting in his neck making a cracking noise. I put the body in the inventory, and motion them forward to where everyone is: the barn. Selene flies up through the loft¡¯s vent hole, to land on a beam with a perfect view of the inside of the barn. I head to the front entrance with Artemis, while Midas and Sarah head to the back entrance, and wait for my order. I take out another two bandits, one in the same as before, and the other with a really nice kunai throw as I did the first one. Everything was going fine until I hear a gurgling shriek, and a thunk of a crossbow releasing¡ Damnit! Really? I storm into the barn, and see a Midas with a blood drenched katana, and a pale Sarah who is reloading her crossbow. I look around, and see that half the ex-bandits are dead already¡ Really Luck? Oops, distracted there¡ Back to business!
Tyche: ¡°Ground./¡±
Artemis: ¡°EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING GROUND NOW!¡±
Okay¡ Someone watches a little too much bank robbery movies¡ I like it! All but five of the ex-bandits lay down on the ground, the aforementioned five reach for weapons. I oblige them, and give them a deadly phaser shot to the chest area. I motion to Midas, and he starts going around and tying hands, and gagging mouths.
Selene: ¡°We got a runner!¡±
Tyche: ¡°No heroes./¡±
Potential Hero: ¡°GYAAAAAAAA~!¡±
Some idiot tried to get up and make a run for it, so I shot him right between the shoulder blades. He¡¯ll have a decent chance of living¡ Maybe? With everyone either tied up or shot, we start to bring the cows, out of the milk stalls and lead them into the corral with the sheep. I begin to assemble the return gate, as Midas begins putting the chickens back into their houses, and closing the door, latching it. He brings the hen houses over and leaves them along the corral fence. Sarah is watching the prisoners, which was probably a bad idea¡
Prisoner 1: ¡°Hey, aren¡¯t you Jimbob¡¯s bride?¡± *thunk* ¡°Ack!¡±
Prisoners: *muffled screams*
A bad idea for sure¡ I motion for Midas to swap with her, and he complies, with a pouty Sarah coming out of the barn¡ I complete the gate, activate it, walk through and ask the guard present to get help, as I have bandits incoming¡ I return through the gate, and we start ferrying frightened ex-bandits through to the now present guards. After finished with that, we start with the animals. Real cheese, made from cow¡¯s milk, here I come! Real sheep wool too, and not that itchy goat bullshit that we usually use¡ Right after the last hen house went through, a worried Charlotte, her maids, and a guard detachment walks through¡ Damnit, the heists loses its fun when someone cheats and brings reinforcements¡
Charlotte: ¡°I brought help¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yay¡ there¡¯s only two ranches left¡ This way¡¡±
We then proceed to conquer the remaining barns, capturing all the ex-bandits without any deaths¡ It was no fun at all I tell you¡ The Royal Guards did raise a little fuss when I had them take off their armor and any markings¡ I had to explain to them REALLY SLOWLY about how it would look if a group of Royal Guards from Fenrir ¡°invaded¡± the kingdom of Sunnydale, and looted one of its settlements, bandits or no bandits¡ I¡¯m not even going to bother calling them ex-bandits anymore¡ Once a bandit, always a bandit. At least until you gain absolution at the church¡ At least they make you work for that absolution, there are other worlds where you can donate some money, and say some howdy dos, and BOOM, Absolution!
That ¡°30¡± bandits turned into 70, with only 15 people who weren¡¯t bandits. I hired them as workers for the new ranch I¡¯m setting up, who were only too happy to have a job as high paying as mine. A normal farmhand only makes 24 silver a year, I offered them a gold coin, which amazed them. What? I understand the value of money here! It¡¯s the fact that I value good workers, and I have tons of plans for this farm¡ I send those fifteen new employees through the gate, with a letter asking for temporary quarters, and a gold each as a sign-on bonus.
I take out my tablet, and start drawing up plans, concept designs, and to-do lists, as this will be a kind of big project¡ About an hour later, I look up and see¡ Oi! You aren¡¯t even officially our maid yet! Sarah, and Charlotte¡¯s maids Caroline and Coraline are circling each other, like they are rivals¡ Charlotte walks up to me, while dragging Midas by the arm.
Charlotte: ¡°Two questions: Who¡¯s that girl, and why is she fighting for dominance with my maids?¡±
Tyche: ¡°That¡¯s Sarah¡ And I have no clue, you should ask her¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°And why did we invade this settlement, and pillage the place?¡±
Tyche: ¡°We wanted to buy some livestock and produce¡ They turned out to be Racist Redn¡ Zealots¡ Also, they kidnapped Sarah over there into a forced marriage. It kind of pissed me off, so I did something about it¡
Charlotte: ¡°Livestock?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Cows, chickens, and sheep! No more goddamned goat cheese, and goat wool!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Thank the goddesses! No more importing expensive sheep wool! And¡ REAL CHEESE!¡±
Charlotte¡¯s eyes just turned into wheels of cheese! This is a template that I will allow not to burn, as it¡¯s adorable. Now the Maid Trio are arguing¡ Is it time for that once in a millennium moment? It¡¯s like the stars aligned! I activate [Tsundere Mode], and walk up next to the Trio, and swing! *thwa-thwa-thwack!* THREE HIT COMBO! A tear of appreciation for this moment silently slides down my face, as the Trio sink down to their knees, clutching the back of their head¡
I round everyone up, and lead them through the gate, to find a Lilian with a questioning look on her face. Once I explain the situation, her eyes turn into wheels of cheese too! I now have a Queen and a Princess attached to my waist, so I drag them behind me as I head to the castle. Go away! I have a ton of stuff to plan!
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Enter the Maid Sarah! She will be the ranged Deeps of the group, as well as the clean-up crew. Tyche and Midas are slobs! I¡¯m kind of torn between making her into a masochist or not¡ Also, the more I try to fight it, the more and more this is becoming a harem¡ I will say for sure that Sarah won¡¯t be entering it for a while, as she has the whole kidnapped thing to take care of, and becoming a fanatic about Tyche¡
Can you tell that I play too much Payday 2? Two zip-ties? Who seriously robs a bank and only brings two? At least they ECMed before they started...
Next time: Crafting, Bath scene, misunderstanding, arguing maids, and plot advancement! Did someone say Gunslinger Maid?
Chapter 17 - Shrodingers Gender
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Sitting Room - Charlotte¡¯s Apartment - The next day, evening
Ah, welcome back. Hold on a second while I¡¯m bundling these mana crystals together. There, done! Why am I bundling mana crystals? I uhhh¡ obtained some ebooks from the internet, and giving them to the Goddesses to distribute in dungeons? I¡¯m doing it this way, because I don¡¯t want to be known as the person that brought all this knowledge to the world¡ And, it¡¯s only basic stuff like mathematics, engineering, chemistry, anatomy, farming, and a few other odds and ends. You know, all the stuff most people skip over because of magic¡ Magic is nice and all, but people tend to cut corners because of it. Aren¡¯t I cutting corners? I am, but I understand how to do it the other way, and why it happens. Ah! I heard one of you say something about pirating copyrighted materials? Too bad, I¡¯m downloading them from Earth, and this isn¡¯t Earth is it? Nope, digital world on another planet. But I will turn myself in if they ever leave their solar system, and show up to arrest me. I¡¯ll start holding my breath now¡
I¡¯m actually kind of mad right now at the system¡ [Cosplayer] is a great class, but it¡¯s a little grindy¡ Sarah received a [Marksman] class after that little heist. She gets freaking stat growth on level up, along with whatever individual stat gains she received¡ Of course, it¡¯s only an increase of one in Agility, Perception, and Dexterity. But still, it¡¯s the principle of it! Her talent tree is only two branches, and a complete ripoff of Midas and I¡¯s, without the cosmetic branch¡ I don¡¯t know why they call it a Talent tree, it¡¯s more of a leveling tool. She¡¯s only level 8, so I had her dump her points for passives and class learning. Which brings us to my next rage inducing rant: HER PASSIVES! Show them Artemis!
[table=purple]
Sarah Passives
Dexterity/Agility/Perception
Marksman
+20% Ranged Weapon Damage
Threat Detection
Concentration: Allows you to passively regenerate ki.
[/table]
Passively regenerate ki!!! That¡¯s so broken! You normally have to meditate, or use breathing techniques to regenerate it, but nope, she just sits on her ass and it shows up for doing nothing! I need to calm down! I summon a guard, and hand her the package to have delivered to Rhea¡¯s temple here in Odin. Now to go find the self-proclaimed Maid, and ask her what kind of weapons she wants. Now how do I find her? Create Party? Invite Sarah to party? THERE¡¯S NO PARTY SYSTEM?! Hold on a second...
Dear Developers
Can you please implement a party system? That is one of the most basic things of any game¡
I know I usually complain about the Lore Department, but someone else dropped the ball this time¡ Oh! Before I forget, please punch in the face whoever thought it was a good idea to put rednecks in this game¡ Repeatedly¡ With extreme prejudice.
Love, Tyche
Maybe I can find her using her tablet? I bring up the Stalk¡¯em app, which shows her tablet to be... On the table in front of me¡ Crap, didn¡¯t give that to her yet. So the old fashioned way? I run out of the apartment, to find the guard¡ That I sent away on an errand earlier¡ Are guards designed to be there only to be a hindrance? Usually they are all over the place when you don¡¯t want them to be, but when you want one? Nowhere to be seen. OH! Chatroom! I load up the Chatty app, and enter the Palace chatroom.
[table=black]
Chatty
Username:
FoxInABawx
Chatroom:
OdinRoyalPalace
***
_Connected
_Joining room "OdinRoyalPalace"
_Please input password:
FoxInABawx> ***********
_Joined
*Welcome to #OdinRoyalPalace 36 users online!*
John> Come on, just once?
Caroline> No! Leave me alone!
FoxInABawx> Want me to take care of it?
Caroline> Yes please.
John> Take care of what?
Caroline> You, jackass!
John> You can''t do squat to me!
FoxInABawx> Really?
Name: John *****
Age: 18
Address: Guard Barracks Bunk 13
Occupation: Guard
Fetish: Buttplug self-insertion
John> No! How''d you get that?
Leroy> REKT!
John> Wait! I don''t do that with buttplugs!
*John has been banned from this room*
Caroline> Thanks for that.
FoxInABawx> No probs. Seen Sarah?
Caroline> Her... She''s with the Princess and Midas, heading to the cabin¡¯s bath...
FoxInABawx> Does she know that Midas is a guy?
Caroline> Pfffft WAIT FOR ME, I WANNA WATCH!
[/table]
As I get up from the couch, Caroline bursts from the bedroom and almost knocks me over in her rush for the door. So that¡¯s where you were hiding¡ I follow her, because this is going to be hilarious!
---
Hot Spring Bath - Spatial Cabin - Midas PoV
Haaaa~ Hot spring, never leave me~! Hello there! I spent all day training with Sarah while Tyche is crafting and setting up stuff for the ranch we own now. Charlotte stopped by at the end, because she loves the hot spring as much as I do. I¡¯m currently sitting in the middle of the spring, leaning back on my arms. Charlotte is sitting between my legs, leaning back into my chest. I should ask Tyche to invent sake, you can¡¯t have hot springs without sake!
The training went really well! I strapped light weights to Sarah¡¯s legs, wrists, and waist and had her run around the palace grounds. I spent a good three hours compiling different training techniques from anim¡ strenuous researching.
Why are there hands groping my chest? I¡¯m a guy now, go lower! Charlotte should know better! Must be Coraline, she must have decided to join us, and grabbed me by accident¡ I grab her hands, and pull them forward to rest on Charlotte¡¯s chest and HOLY SHIT! THOSE ARE MASSIVE! Two massive holy objects are now smashed into my back! Tyche¡¯s and Charlotte¡¯s are nice, but they don¡¯t compare to these! The weird thing is, I don¡¯t know who they belong to¡ Lilian is smaller than Charlotte¡ Caroline and Coraline are little bigger than Charlotte. And Tyche is the biggest I know off¡ This is a mystery! While contemplating the phantom boobies, the mysterious hands move back to my chest, travel right down to my shaft and freeze¡
Tyche: ¡°She didn¡¯t know?¡±
Caroline: ¡°Totally didn¡¯t know¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Didn¡¯t know what?¡±
Midas: ¡°Is this the feeling you get all the time Tyche? Where it just burns?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep!¡±
Sarah: ¡°KYAA~!¡±
Tyche: ¡°OW!¡±
OW! My ears! I mean OW! My Junk! Stop squeezing! slkdhfksldjf OW OW OW OW OW OW!
---
Tyche PoV
This is everything I thought it would be! And the moment is gone¡ Midas is now floating in the water like a corpse, while Sarah is floating next to him with foam coming out of her mouth, her hand still on his staff¡ Okay, the moment is back! Pffft!
Charlotte: ¡°What didn¡¯t she know?¡±
Caroline: ¡°That he was a guy¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!¡±
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.Charlotte: ¡°Didn¡¯t you rescue her from a kidnapping for a forced marriage?¡±
Tyche: *gasp* ¡°...yes¡¡± *gasp*
Charlotte: ¡°She¡¯s probably still traumatized from that, and you¡¯re laughing at her?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Didn¡¯t think about that¡¡±
And the moment is gone again¡ I really didn¡¯t think about that¡ Oops¡ What did I originally come down here for again? Let¡¯s take her with me, I¡¯ll probably remember then. I grab her free hand, and try to drag her to the door, but she¡¯s still grasping tightly onto Midas, causing him to drag with her¡ Must¡ Not¡ Laugh¡ I carefully remove her hand from his staff, as I didn¡¯t want to break it, and drag her out into the changing room. Holy shit those puppies are huge! I¡¯m not a licensed boobologist, but I¡¯m estimating that they are at least E-Cups¡ Hold on a second¡ [Inspect]...
Self-Proclaimed Maid Breasts: Breasts belonging to the Self-Proclaimed Maid Marksman Sarah.
They have been wrapped since she hit puberty to hide their size.
Size: E-Cup --- Quality: Divine
I was right, must be the Intellect speaking? Or is it the perception? Anyway~ Let¡¯s get her dressed! I conjure a fireball with a dome of wind around it, and rotate it. If I was an annoying ninja, I would slam it into things, but I need a blow dryer more than a retarded suicide attack¡ Fully dry, I bring over her Maid Uniform, and stop, because we have nothing to cover her breasts with¡ No more wrappings for these puppies, as that is heresy! I fetch an armored corset from my inventory, and put it on her. Watching clothing resize itself to fit someone is really weird looking. Although weird to watch, I am thankful for it! Killing a raid boss or something, and finding out the robe you received doesn¡¯t fit is a total buzzkill¡ The same system that prevents said corset from squeezing your innards too! You get the shape, but without the health defects! Back to dressing the Maid¡ I put the uniform back on her, and surprised myself! Big breasted Maid is pretty hot! I pick her up and take her back to Charlotte¡¯s sitting room¡ Ah, that¡¯s it! I wanted her opinions for what weapons she will use¡ Screw it, I¡¯ll ask the Artemis, she¡¯s been binge watching WebVidz with Selene lately¡ I drop her on the couch, and find the Fairies in front of the ¡°big screen¡± which is a tablet on it¡¯s side for them to watch.
Tyche: ¡°Ah, I was looking for you, I need ideas for what weapons I will make for Sarah.¡±
Artemis: ¡°What class was she again?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Just give us her stats please, it will go faster.¡±
[table=purple]
Status
Level:
24
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
994
Mana/Psy:
1100
Ki:
1557
Stamina
1090
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Princess of Chimeras
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Prince of Chimeras
Physical
Agility:
45
Strength:
29
Defensive
Constitution:
41
Endurance:
45
Mental
Intellect:
45
Wisdom:
35
Other
Dexterity:
32
Perception:
30
Spirit:
63
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Elemental:
30%
---
---
[/table]
Tyche: ¡°That¡¯s mine¡ We want Sarah¡¯s¡¡±
Artemis: ¡°Don¡¯t do extras, the deal is for you and Midas only.¡±
Tyche: ¡°What will it cost me?¡±
Artemis: ¡°We want our own room!¡±
Selene: ¡°And we want Sarah to clean it!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Deal! One love nest for the Fairies! Pick one of the empty ones in the Cabin, and try to find one here if you want one.¡±
[table=purple]
Status
Name:
Sarah
Race:
Human
Class:
Marksman
Level:
8
Titles:
Maid
Female
HP:
98
Mana:
116
Ki:
138
Stamina:
82
Physical
Agility:
18
Strength:
5
Defensive
Constitution:
11
Endurance:
9
Mental
Intellect:
12
Wisdom:
12
Other
Dexterity:
20
Perception:
20
Spirit:
15
Luck:
15
Affinities:
Wind:
10%
---
---
[/table]
Artemis: ¡°Make her some guns like your Phaser. Hold on a second.¡±
She flies over to the tablet, and opens up a few tabs in the browser. After some begging from the two of them, I set them up with a connection to the wifi implant¡ I let them have it, because they know first hand what punishment they will receive if they misuse my trust. Artemis finds what she is looking for and shows them to me. Holy crap, that is cool!
Artemis: ¡°Sleeve guns are cool!¡±
Tyche: ¡°What¡¯s that other one?¡±
Artemis: ¡°Something for mid to long range, couldn¡¯t you shorten the barrel, and switch the stock with one of those foldy ones?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Thanks, I¡¯ll be in the personal space. Got lots of crap to make¡¡±
---
Personal Space
Meh, she is getting cooler guns than I have in [Dandere Mode]... This is a travesty! While I¡¯m complaining, I start digging around in the piles of metal for a decent sized thick wire for the folding stock. Once I found that, I move to the special wood pile, and pick out some ironwood, for the body of the guns. Ironwood is exactly as it¡¯s name states, wood that is hard as iron¡ But only when the wood itself is completely dry. After that, it somehow seals itself, so it stays hard permenantly. We have it stored in containers of water, to keep them ¡°woodlike¡± for easy carving. Last, I grab some iron rods, for the ¡°barrels¡± more like ki barrel, but that¡¯s what it is¡ I get to work.
What are they? You¡¯ll have to wait, they are in the oven, getting the water baked out! While that is happening, I start gathering the other projects for the ranch that we have in the works: cow milker, mana powered sheep shears, butter churner, and a fridge! Ah, the timer dinged! Hold on, need to paint the gun parts, and put them back in the oven. Back, while they are cooking again, I add an interspatial ring, and a holster for one gun to the one pile for Sarah. *Ding!* Oh! Assembly time!
---
Sitting room
Tyche: ¡°Here you go, your weapons, interspatial ring, and a few other odds and ends.¡±
I hand over two Ki Guns on wrist sliders that are popular with assassins. Then, I hand over what looks like a sawn off lever action rifle. Since it¡¯s a ki gun, you don¡¯t have to bother with the long barrel, or bullet storage¡ I did like Artemis suggested, and gave it a folding stock that flips over the top of the gun. I plan on having the holster be attached to the backside of her apron, so it¡¯s concealed. Sarah looks like she¡¯s about to pass out for some reason.
Sarah: ¡°I can¡¯t accept these! They must have been expensive¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Not really, Midas and I are well off, and I crafted most of those myself. Except for the Interspatial Ring, that was from one of the bandits.¡±
At the mention of Midas¡¯ name, Sarah goes beet red, and stops talking. Ugh¡ This is awkward¡ Let¡¯s go excuse ourselves and ask around about dungeons for the next part of our plan!
Tyche: ¡°Well, I¡¯m going to go ask around to see if there¡¯s a dungeon nearby. We can use it to level you up, and to say we ¡°found¡± a few things¡¡±
Sarah: *wakes up* ¡°There¡¯s a zombie dungeon a mile outside of Peckerwood. We can go there can¡¯t we?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Even better, I guess it¡¯s bedtime then?¡±
Sarah: ¡°C-c-can I sleep with you tonight?¡±
Awwww, she¡¯s blushing even fiercer this time! I take it she doesn¡¯t want to sleep with Midas, so let¡¯s leave him here with Charlotte, and we can take the cabin? Yeah, let¡¯s do it that way...
Tyche: ¡°Sure? Let me go tell Midas that we¡¯ll be in the cabin, he can stay here with Charlotte.¡±
She¡¯s blushing even fiercer now¡ Isn¡¯t that dangerous? Can you pop a vein from blushing? It¡¯s only sleeping together, nothing can go wrong right? Shit¡ I just triggered a flag damnit! Hey! Don¡¯t leave me! Tell me everything will be fine! Bastard come back!
---
Author¡¯s Notes: I remember someone asked about the stats of another player, so here you go: Sarah! She¡¯s going to be awkward to write for at least a few more chapters, but I can always go back and fix things if need be. Next chapter will jump straight to the dungeon.
Chapter 18 - Dungeons: The Kickstarter Way!
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Peckerwood - Next Morning
Oh, the great abandoner has come back, to revel in my despair! You left me to my fate of the accidental flag! She wouldn¡¯t take no for an answer! I kept hitting her, but she kept panting more and more! I think that redneck asshole infected her with something else¡ I did figure out how to stop her though, but it came with a cost¡ I used wind manipulation to create an electrical current to target the pain center of her brain. Without thinking, I kind of struck a pose and said ¡°Forbidden Art: Pleasure Devouring Lightning¡±... Not my proudest moment. The System decided to be a smartass about the whole thing¡ I HATE YOU SYSTEM!
[Chuunibyou] has updated!
Title: Chuunibyou
Look down on others? Believe you have special powers? Think you know better than everyone else?
Don''t deny it, that''s why you have this title!
Effects:
* +30% effectiveness when you state the technique name.
* Posing in a cool manner may make you more intimidating.
* Able to modify attacks for special purposes.
(Please note that you still need the required attributes for these bonuses.)
I didn¡¯t even shout the technique name before hand! It was after the attack! There was no shouting! Of course I look down on others, I¡¯m awesome! I do have special powers, this is a freaking world full of goddamned magic! I do know better than everyone else, I have internet access! You can¡¯t win against the system when it¡¯s rigged to always win¡ Back to the aftermath: I tied her up, and used her funbags as a pillow. Best night of sleep. Ever. Anyway, she¡¯s tied up, and strapped on top of the buggy while we head to the dungeon. Which totally isn¡¯t a mile away, maybe a mile away as the crow flies, but not by goddamned road...
---
Dungeon Entrance
You have discovered [Adulterated Sepulcher]!
[Adulterated Sepulcher] wasn''t always filled with the undead.
After the Bandit takeover of Peckerwood, those bandits disposed of the bodies inside this cave.
Between being improperly buried and a having a death filled with resentment, those bodies awakened as undead.
As the first group to discover this dungeon, your group will gain the following benefits for the next week:
* +100% Drop rate bonus for regular dungeon denizens.
* Bosses always drop all of their loot table.
* +100% Experience bonus.
As the first group to discover this dungeon, your group will gain the following benefits for the life of this dungeon:
* +20% Drop rate bonus for regular dungeon denizens.
* Bosses always drop items your group can use.
* 20% Experience bonus.
Did I read that right? Ugh¡ Can¡¯t they use stereotypical names for this crap? Noooo, always having to use the hipster version of things to seem different..
Tyche: ¡°Group Invite Sarah¡¡±
Sarah may not be invited to the group, as she is a [Citizen] and not an [Adventurer].
THE FUCK! Hold on a second, we have to go register the Maid¡ PORTAL TIME!
---
Adulterated Sepulcher - Entrance - Afternoon
Okay, now that that is out of the way¡ Let¡¯s try this again¡
Tyche: ¡°Group Invite Sarah¡¡±
Unable to invite Sarah to group, as a group was not created.
The Group System is under maintenance, please try again later.
Tyche: ¡°I QUIT! Midas, you take over, I¡¯m gonna cry off screen¡¡±
---
Midas PoV
Hello there, that was weird wasn¡¯t it? Tyche is off in the woods crying while hugging a doll that has blue hair¡ Still don¡¯t know why she asked me to make it, but make it I did. What else is there to do? You guys are pretty much current on what we have done or want to do¡ Oh well, let¡¯s go play some games¡ Crap! Some of my crops in farmville withered¡ OH! The ranch! Well, farm is the more politically correct term for it, as we are also growing those plastic dandelions, and a few other things¡ We received the first shipment of the rainbow squids yesterday, so the breeding program is getting added to the farm too.
The Group system is now back online from maintenance.
Tyche: ¡°FINALLY! Gimme back the reigns!¡±
---
Tyche PoV
Tyche: ¡°Create Group!¡±
A blue window pops up in front of me, asking all sorts of questions. I filled them in and submitted it. Show them the Group Selene!
Group Information
Name:
P.A.N.T.S.U.
Affiliation:
Adventurer''s Guild
Specialisation:
None
Rank:
X
Members
Leader:
Tyche
Class:
Cosplayer
Co-Leader:
Midas
Class:
Cosplayer
Member:
Sarah
Class:
Marksman
Oh~Hohohohohohohohoho~! I¡¯m evil! Can you imagine that: ¡°Oh Shit, it¡¯s PANTSU, RUN!¡± or ¡°We are gathered here to thank the people who rescued our Kingdom from invasion, please bow down and thank PANTSU!¡± What does it mean you ask?
Panties Appropriateness (of) Nobles Technical Survey Unit
If you were wondering, it¡¯s exactly the same Acronym on my Royal Underwear Inspector badge! I will have to remake the badge though, remove the ¡°Royal Underwear Inspector¡± from it¡ We can use that acronym for all kinds of things! Okay, enough fun¡ Let¡¯s get to work.
Tyche: ¡°Okay, Sarah? ¡ Where¡¯s Sarah?¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°So she left us¡ Oh well, I¡¯ll just wait in the buggy¡¡±
As I arrive at the buggy, I find a tied up Sarah on the roof¡ Oh yeah, I vaguely remember tying her up. So that¡¯s where I left her? *cough* Let¡¯s get her down, and untie her¡ HEY! Don¡¯t look disappointed! Ah, what a blast from the past, that¡¯s the look Midas used to give me back when he was Fortuna¡
Tyche: ¡°See!? That¡¯s the look you used to always give me¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Did I always look that creepy when I did it?¡±
Tyche: ¡°...¡±
Midas: ¡°Seriously?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yeah. Anywho~, Sarah, if you do what I think you¡¯re going to do, I will tie you to Midas, and take pictures. Now bring out your weapons, I have to show you how to use them. She then proceeds to dump them out of her Interspatial Ring onto the ground¡ Ugh! Now we have to go through this¡ I take off her apron, and attach the rifle holster to the back of it, put the apron back on her, and insert the rifle into the holster. Next, I roll up her sleeves, strap the sleeve gun sliders to each arm, and then loop the release/retract bracelet on each wrist. I motion to her to roll down her sleeves, and I begin the explanation.
Tyche: ¡°Take out the rifle¡ The one under your apron... Hold it like the crossbow you used to have. Good, that¡¯s it! As long as you have ki left, it shoots every time you pull the trigger.¡±
She then proceeds to systematically murder a tree, starting with the outer branches, to the inner branches. As she begins the process of shooting it in half, I take it away from her. Now for the pistols¡
Tyche: ¡°Now for the pistols, focus your ki into your wrist, and rotate them. The pistols will pop out.¡±
Sarah: ¡°Like this?¡±
Tyche: ¡°NO! NOT IN FRONT OF YOUR FA-¡±
Sarah ¡°ACK! My nose!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Not in front of your face¡¡±
She looked directly at her wrist as she did it, and the barrel slammed into her nose¡ Kind of can¡¯t blame her for that, she doesn¡¯t know any better¡ I heal her nose, and get her to do it again, sans looking into the barrel. She draws and withdraws them a few times to get used to it. And then she goes back to systematically murdering that tree¡ That tree has done nothing wrong, you hear me! It¡¯s not like it killed your parents or something¡ Bandits did that! That¡¯s a redwood tree, not a redneck tree! Let¡¯s stop her now, we wasted enough time¡ Let¡¯s drag her into the dungeon, the reason why we are here!
---
Three hours later¡
Tyche: ¡°WHERE THE HELL IS ALL THE ZHAMBIES!¡±
Midas: ¡°Shhhh! You¡¯ll attract them to us!¡±
Tyche: ¡°SHHH YOUR ASS! THAT¡¯S THE POINT!¡±
Sarah: ¡°Why am I in the front? Aren¡¯t you guys stronger than me?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Zombie bai¡ Combat training?¡±
Midas: ¡°Pre-warning Alar... Perception training?¡±
Sarah: ¡°Be serious please¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Deadly serious here, we are here to train you, so go along with it. Remind me of something: didn¡¯t you want to join us? So suck it up!¡±
Defeated, Sarah turns around and advances at a snail¡¯s pace. Ugh, this is going to take forever! I kick her in the ass to make her go faster. Ah, terror must trump masochism, because I received the reaction I wanted.
Sarah: ¡°KYAA~!¡± *crack crack crack crack crack*
She drew out her pistols and fired randomly in fright, destroying the thin wall of the cave. Revealing a¡ surprised zombie... Seriously? This freaking sucks¡
Tyche: ¡°We were in the wrong goddamn cave! We should have taken the other entrance¡¡±
Seriously, useless freaking maid! Points us to the wrong stupid cave entrance. This is the part when the poor stupid zombie gets blasted to pieces like the wall that used to be in front of it! Wait, seriously? Don¡¯t freeze up now! Well, it worked last time right? I kickstart the potential big breasted death machine.
Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.
Sarah: ¡°KYAA~!¡± *sploosh sploosh sploosh sploosh* ¡°STOP THAT!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Why? It worked didn¡¯t it? We would have helped if you found yourself in trouble. I think? Hold on, [Inspect].¡±
Zombie Corpse Puddle (5 liters)
What remains of a level 12 zombie, who was once the Tanner of Peckerwood.
He was slaughtered in an unfortunate accident.
The soul of this corpse was freed from his torment, and may re-enter reincarnation again.
Sarah: ¡°It had four levels on me!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Levels aren¡¯t anything in this world¡ The supreme gods of this place are severely incompetent¡ Anyway, your ki guns are slightly-¡±
Midas: ¡°Not slightly, those things are freaking overpowered!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Shhh! They nerf when you brag! Anyway, aim for their heads and joints.¡±
Sarah: ¡°What are joi-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Joints are elbows, wrists, shoulders, knees, hips, ankles.¡±
Sarah: ¡°How do yo-¡±
Midas: ¡°She¡¯s 1/64th cherokee, while I¡¯m 1/28th Navajo. We can listen to the heart of nature.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Haaa~ We haven¡¯t did that in a while! Anyway, keep going! You should have leveled up, or are really close to it!¡±
Sarah: ¡°If we survive, can we-¡±
Tyche: ¡°NOPE! And don¡¯t raise flags you idiot!¡±
Sarah: ¡°Why not?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Midas and I are a package deal, both or nothing. So the faster you get over your man fear, the faster it can happen¡¡±
Sarah: (mumbling) ¡°...It¡¯s not like that¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Less mumbley, more zhambie!¡±
Ass sufficiently prodded with my boot, Sarah advances. She¡¯s getting pretty good at this! She¡¯s double tapping the zombies as they get near us, and they fall down dead¡ Wait, they¡¯re zombies right? Re-dead? Let¡¯s go with that¡ Midas and I are taking turns dropping the zombies and whatever they dropped into our inventory. This is getting pretty boring, so I take out my harp.
Midas: ¡°Death metal? Pretty good, didn¡¯t know you were into that?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I listen to everything, it¡¯s all about the mood. And that¡¯s not me¡ Since when can I play guitar, bass, and drums at the same time? I¡¯m sure as hell not singing with a male voice either¡¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
Just as I was lifting my boot to kickstart the guide, Sarah advances. Pretty soon, I¡¯m strumming my harp along to the music while humming along. My right drill starts shaking, so I look over to find a surprising scene: Selene headbanging¡ Let¡¯s hold a mana crystal, and save this moment for later¡ Okay, moving on!
The music getting progressively louder, we reach a large rusted iron door. Sarah tries to open it, but doesn¡¯t have the strength to do it¡ She has like what, five strength? Oh, the tank or something is supposed to do that¡ Midas walks forward to help her, tripping in the process and knocking the door off the hinges as he falls into the room¡ As Midas is getting up from the floor, I notice a large zombie in a purple robe holding a giant scythe.. Is he a boss?
Boss: ¡°Ah, welco- ACK!¡±
An irritated Sarah doesn¡¯t let the Boss finish, and starts riddling him with ki shots. He keeps trying to say something, but every time he tries, he stumbles again. The singing stopped, I guess it was him doing it? It was only vocal notes, so l start singing to replace it, since the skeletons in the background are still playing their instruments. My right drill starts shaking again. The boss, giving up on saying his greeting, assumes a pose and starts charging his energy.
Boss: ¡°Come o- ACK! Seriously, stop that!¡±
Midas: ¡°We don¡¯t negotiate with terrorists! Especially since I think your door gave me tetanus¡¡±
Tyche: *stops singing* ¡°Sorry, I can only heal damage, not afflictions¡ We can visit an alchemist later? Sarah, what are you doing? Shoot him some more!¡± *resumes singing*
Boss: ¡°Screw this!¡±
He angrily summons skeletons to attack us. Wait¡ Did he just break character? No! Don¡¯t question it! I conjure a ball of light attribute, and throw it at the skeletons. Which still damages them, but doesn¡¯t do the whole turning to dust thing you would normally associate with undead and light based attacks. This must mean there¡¯s some ¡°Divine Attribute¡± or something similar, since Light Attribute looks to only be attacks made of light¡ Maybe it will still work on vampires? Hopefully there are real vampires in this game, and not those fake glitter in the sunlight assholes. I hate those guys! If those are in the game, I will commit genocide on those sparklefart assholes¡ Oh! Rambling again, I should probably take care of those skeletons right? Oh, Midas took care of them with some slashes infused with fire attribute ki¡ My bad? I turn to look at the boss, and find him still doing that hilarious jerky dance when people get riddled with bullets in movies. Sarah has a sadistic look on her face while she mutters something sounding like ¡°he will notice me?¡± I must have misunderstood¡ Yeah, that¡¯s it!
The boss finally crumbles into dust, with an annoyed screech. I don¡¯t blame you Mr. Boss, Sarah totally cheesed your encounter mechanics¡ A chest falls from the ceiling over Sarah¡¯s head. Midas tackles her out of the way, and lands on top of her with his hands on her chest, with her legs spread open¡ That is kind of cliche, but funny. It should happen any second now: 3, 2, 1¡ 0! Go! Now!
Sarah: (mumbling) ¡°...please be gentle¡¡±
Midas: (freaking out) ¡°I¡¯M SO SORRY!¡±
That was weird I guess? I think there¡¯s some misunderstanding here but I couldn¡¯t care less right now, so I activate [Denial], and walk over to the chest to search the loot. I find all kinds of generic dungeon loot: Potions, gems, gold, silver, copper, and¡ cards? Not even caring, I go to the pile of dust that was once the boss, and use my boot to push around him to find our real loot. I find a golden lute! [Inspect]
Melody''s Golden Lute: Golden Lute that was once owned by a famous Minstrel.
Type: Instrument --- Rarity: Rare
Class: Minstrel/Bard
Effects:
*+5 Perception
* +10 Dexterity
* Everyone who doesn¡¯t move with the beat of your music will have their hearts explode!
The hell kind of garbage is this? Wouldn¡¯t that kill my friends too? Let¡¯s put this in the lead sealed vault we have in the inventory for items that are dangerous¡ Where was that badass scythe? I can¡¯t find it, but I do find two cards. What is with this dungeon and cards? I pick one up and use [Inspect].
Loot Card
Heavy Metal Scythe: Scythe once owned by a musical skeleton raising necromancer.
Type: Weapon - Scythe --- Rarity: Rare
Effects:
*+10 Strength
* +8 Agility
* Your attacks can cause tetanus.
Uses:
* You can convert this card to its original form.
* Use it to augment one of your own.
(Please note that the receiving item has to be of the same type.
Weapons > Weapons, Armor > Armor, Jewelry > Jewelry)
* Equip this card in an equipment slot.
(Requires an item to be worn in the corresponding cosmetic slot.)
Oh! That¡¯s how cosmetic slots work! Midas and I have been wearing our Cosplay stuff in the cosmetic slots. My corset is in the underwear armor slot, as that does have some defensive capabilities¡ Midas¡¯ leather armor is in armor slots too. Let¡¯s see if I can augment my scepter with it¡ At most, it will say it¡¯s not possible, right? Here we go! The scepter absorbs the card, and turns into the scythe. The Fairies fall onto my shoulders¡ That¡¯s weird, shouldn¡¯t they be in my drills? I lift my hand up to find that they aren¡¯t there. What? Did I gain another mode? This is going to suck, isn¡¯t it? GODDAMNIT SYSTEM!
Goth Mode: Your personality is as uninviting as your long silver hair.
Type: Passive/Cosmetic
[Goth Mode] has been absorbed by [The ''Dere is in the Hair].
SERIOUSLY! The system has been shitting all over my cheerios today! I will get revenge for this, I swear! Furious, I open up the GM interface, and begin to hack¡ fix my stupid hair passive. Stupid fucking developers, never fixing the broken stuff¡ If things aren¡¯t done right, do it yourself!
Male Voice: ¡°So you managed to defeat my second in command! I commend your bra-¡±
Tyche: ¡°SHUT THE FUCK UP! I¡¯M HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS HERE! WE¡¯LL KILL YOU WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY, NOT WHEN YOU ASK US TO!¡±
Male Voice: ¡°... That¡¯s fine too¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°I¡¯m never pissing her off again.¡¯
Selene: ¡°You should follow that advice, I¡¯ve only annoyed her, and my neck always hurts for days afterward¡ Last night wasn¡¯t her being mad, that was mild irritation.¡±
Sarah: *shivering* ¡°...¡±
I stopped listening to the conversation here, as I¡¯m trying to rescript my passive in the GM interface. Really, it should be called the Developer Interface with what I¡¯m allowed to do... Whoever designed this game deserves to be shot! Who uses some bastardized mashup of C++, LUA, and Java for a game? Ughghghgh, you have to persevere Tyche! This is to end one of the major annoyances in your life! Come back tomorrow guys, I have to recode this, and we¡¯re turning in for the night soon.
---
Author¡¯s Notes: 3k wordcount chapter! It went a little longer, as it was a perfect spot to do one of the plot points I had on the to do li¡ storyboard¡ Yes, it was the hair passive, she¡¯s going to ¡°recode¡± it. I¡¯m going to keep Tsundere, Dandere, and Yandere, as they are pretty good for comedy. However, I will get rid of goth mode, and change neutral mode. I¡¯m thinking three modes: Agility, Strength, and Intellect. Scepter will be Intellect, Scythe will be Strength, and Agility won¡¯t have anything yet.
Next chapter is the second half of the dungeon! They won¡¯t be cheesing it this time, they will do it somewhat legitimately. Well, as legitimate as you can get when you have overpowered ki talisman weapons¡ I think I¡¯ll try for a Sarah PoV? Not promising anything...
And on the Sarah front: I reread the chapter after finishing it, and noticed that she is more masochistic with Tyche, but ¡°notice me senpai¡± with Midas¡ I think I¡¯ll keep her like that to be honest.
Oh! If anyone can guess what game I referenced the shit out of, you must understand my pain...
Chapter 19 - The Legit Way is Harder to Pull Off!
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Much tables, such info dump! ~4k words today! So much stuff to cram in...
---
Afternoon
*Yawn* Sorry about that, spent most of last night ¡°re-coding¡± a few aspects the game¡ Well, I redid most of what I could understand really. They have some really crappy convoluted mashup mimicking my mana crystal computers. Good thing I copyrighted that idea when I did, otherwise they may have beaten me to the punch. Even if they did, I¡¯d still do it, as I made it better! O~hohohohohohohohohohoho! My copyrights, along with my... It¡¯s too soon to tell you guys, it¡¯s too early to reveal my endgame if this all goes to shit¡
*cough* Anyway, the three of us are fishing in a stream nearby while I¡¯m trying to meditate to replace the sleep I didn¡¯t get last night. Because it¡¯s relaxing, and for lunch too. As per usual, Midas¡¯ luck is preventing him from catching anything useful, we have an ever growing boot and buckle collection¡ Did a passing army drown in waist deep water or something? Things are the same for me too¡. I have a bucket of rings, necklaces, and raw gems growing next to me. .. Seriously, raw gems? How am I catching rock like objects with a hook? I only want lunch! I will literally pay for it with a bucket of jewellry for some fish right now! Luckily, we have our maid here, which has the needed basket of fish next to her, so I get to keep my bucket. She keeps giving these shy glances over to Midas, which is making this whole excursion really awkward instead of relaxing¡ But I¡¯ll allow it, as it will help her get over her man-fear. But seriously, less awkward, more lunch! The UI alarm just went off! HERE IT COMES!
Tyche: ¡°Incoming shitstorm in: 3-2-1-0 BLAM!¡±
[table=red]
Ver. 1.1.0T Pre-Release Patch Notes:
[Help Menu] has been redesigned to actually be helpful.
[Group Menu] has been implemented.
[Group Menu] can be switched to [Party Menu] or anything of the like in the options menu.
[Personal Skills] menu has been implemented.
[Inspect], [Duel], Race skills, and other cosmetic or system related skills added to the [Personal Skills Menu].
[Journal] menu has been added.
[Journal] has combat logs, system message logs, mission/quest logs, and can be used as a journal for information retention.
The Goddess of Adventure has returned! NPCs (locals) who die on a mission or in a dungeon will resurrect in their patron church/temple after 7 days. This can only occur three times a year.
[Game Shop] added for NPCs (locals). They will pay the exchange rate for Credits in Gold. Like Players, you can pick up your purchases in the Adventurer''s Guild.
Items added to [Game Shop] menu.
[Did you know?] menu added, and activates when you log in. Gives random useful knowledge about the world. Can be turned off in the options menu.
"Search for Knowledge" Event has been activated!
[/table]
Search for Knowledge
Remnants of a long lost civilisation are scattered throughout the land! Searching ruins, dungeons, and similar locales may uncover some.
Please turn these in at any Adventurer''s Guild for your reward! Black Crystals are to be turned in at the Royal Capital of the kingdom you found it in.
Finding these and turning them in will help this world improve technologically and magically, and will impact the world in an irrevocable way!
Rank:
F-X
Reward:
Varies
[table=red]
Did you know?
All Official System Messages are red! This can not be faked in any way at all, and if you suspect it to be fake, check your [Journal] to see the sender of the Message. If it says [System], it is legitimate!
[/table]
Tyche: ¡°Welcome to 1.1.0T!¡±
Midas: ¡°What¡¯s the ¡®T¡¯ stand for?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Tyche!¡±
Midas: ¡°Won¡¯t they be mad that you changed things without telling them?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh, but I did! I sent a carrier pigeon!¡±
Midas: ¡°That¡¯s good then, as long as you told them¡ WAIT! How did you send them a carrier pigeon?¡±
Sarah: ¡°What¡¯s a pigeon?¡±
Tyche: ¡°You mean they don¡¯t have those here? Weird, and convenient¡ Pigeons are rats with wings.¡±
Midas: ¡°Don¡¯t change the subject, and don¡¯t encourage her Sarah! HOW!?¡±
Sarah: (mumbling)¡°...sorry... don¡¯t hate me¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Great, you broke her! Do I have to tell? It¡¯s part of my endgame if things go to shit¡¡±
Midas: ¡°SPILL IT!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Meh¡ You suck! Check your email¡¡±
O~hohohohohohohohohohoho! That¡¯s only half of the plan! Ugh, that laugh is irritating¡ [Strength Mode]! Oh yeah, I did ¡°fix¡± the transformations¡ I don¡¯t have to do so yet for Midas, as his has a condition to reach before it occurs which is stress and high emotions. That, and I don¡¯t want to break something with it, as the sex is AMAZING when he is in that form! Ah, I¡¯m drooling¡ Anyway, one of you Fairies show them the [Personal Skills]!
[table=purple]
Personal Skills
Shapeshifter''s Combat
Strength Mode
Long Silver Hair
Heavy Metal Scythe
Intellect Mode
Blonde Drills
??? Scepter
Agility Mode
---
---
The ''Dere is in the Hair
Tsundere Mode
Orange Twintails
Harisen
Dandere Mode
Fluffy Blue Hair
Phaser
Yandere Mode
Steel Blue Sidetails
Mjolnir
System Skills
Inspect
Shows the user basic information about the target.
Duel
Commences a system sanctioned duel. Both parties must agree to the duel and its stipulations. Both parties will be restored to their previous condition afterwards.
Denial
The action of declaring something to be untrue. Will turn into [Objection] if you have spiky hair.
Creative Borrowing
The ability to borrow from others without being called on it.
Racial Skills
Absorption: Trait
Absorb all the traits of a fallen enemy. Able to be used with Body Manipulation.
Absorption: Ability
Absorb one ability from a fallen enemy. Limit one ability per race. Sub races still count towards the one race limit.
Body Manipulation
Able to mold your body as you wish. May require traits from [Absorption: Trait].
[/table]
Next step: LUNCH! And then after that: rest of that dungeon!
---
Adulterated Sepulcher - Correct Entrance - Sarah PoV
Hi? How does this work? Gonna ask Mistress¡ Tyche. She hates it when I call her that¡
Sarah: ¡°What am I supposed to do again?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Monologue. Greet them, narrate what¡¯s going on, complain if you want. Tell them your hopes and dreams, fears, how many deaf orphans you have read to¡ You get the picture¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°Yes Mi¡ Tyche.¡±
Midas: ¡°Try to picture them naked!¡± *thwack*
Sarah: ¡°Who¡¯s ¡®them¡¯?¡±
Tyche: ¡°You aren¡¯t ready to know that yet¡ Less talky, more monologuey¡±
Okay¡ ¡®ello mysterious ¡®people¡¯... My name-
Tyche: ¡°¡®is Sarah, I¡¯m a 17 year old girl with brown hair in a ponytail, and I speak in a Cockney accent because I thought it sounded cool after binge watching a few series on webvidz.¡¯ Yeah, yeah, yeah, hurry up to the good stuff so we can start! Or do you want the boot again?¡±
I¡¯m going to ignore that¡ My name is Sarah, I¡¯m a 17 year old girl with brown hair in a ponytail¡ I really do talk that way, because I was born in a village that talked that way. But I lost the accent after I was kidnapped years ago¡ I watch those shows because they kind of remind me of home, and the accent sort of came back¡ ACK! She kicked me in the tailbone? Usually, she kicks in the meaty parts, which feels good~! I¡¯m struggling to get back up, getting kicked there hurts! And not in the good ways either!
Tyche: ¡°Come on, let¡¯s go!¡±
Sarah: ¡°Why¡ the¡ tailbone?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I caught on to your¡ tricks.¡±
At least she didn¡¯t say fetish! That would be embarrassing if Midas heard that. And now Midas is helping me up. Please don¡¯t notice that I¡¯m blushing!
Tyche: ¡°Please stop doing that, you know that freaks her out¡¡±
Midas: ¡°...¡±
She¡¯s still going on about that? I don¡¯t have a man fear! Nothing of the sort! Back at the the barn, I kicked a board by accident when Midas and I were getting in position, causing one of them to come back to see what was wrong. He saw me, and Midas dashed forward, killing him, and moving onto the bandits inside the barn. He would lean low for a burst of speed, and cause the other bandits to stab each other, themselves, or push each other onto farming implements. It was the most shocking display of strength I have ever seen! The way I see it, he already has Tyche and Charlotte, so I have to work extra hard so I could be there too! Ahhh~! She kicked the meaty parts this time! I can¡¯t wait until Midas accepts me, and then I can have playtime with Tyche~!
Tyche: ¡°We¡¯re here. You hang out in the back, Midas and I are fighting too today, as these guys outlevel you by a lot. Levels aren¡¯t everything, but the stat difference might be enough to kill you. I mean, sure you might revive in a week now, but it¡¯s best to save those three revives for good causes¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°...?¡±
Midas: ¡°You just want to play with your new scythe huh?¡±
Tyche: ¡°That too¡ Oh yeah! Only use one pistol today Sarah, we want to work on your accuracy, and not you turning them into swiss cheese¡ Use this knife, hang it under your apron string bow thingy.¡±
She tosses me a¡ What would you call this? The blade is eight inches long, and instead of a crossguard, there are two oddly shaped balls¡
Midas: ¡°Why did you give her a ballock knife? You give me a bunch of crap about her ¡®fear¡¯, but then you go and do crap like this¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°It was an accident, I swear!¡±
Midas: ¡°Liar¡¡±
Yes! Defend me more! Tyche looks like she¡¯s squirming, when she suddenly gets a weird look on her face, and something appears as she turns around and walks away¡
Tyche has declared that your accusation is false!
Tyche: ¡°You guys coming or what? I¡¯ll get started then.¡±
As I hang the knife under the apron bow, her hair turns silver, and the scepter in her hands turns into a scythe. She leans forward, and dashes towards the pack of zombies in front of her cleaving them in half, her scythe striking and becoming stuck in the cave wall¡ Now she is trying to withdraw her scythe from the wall. After a few tries, she sucks the scythe into that place she usually throws things, and then withdraws it again, out of the wall.
Tyche: ¡°Oops~, Teehee~¡± *bonk*
She runs up to the next batch of zombies, then stabs the scythe forward rotating it afterwards, finally pulling it back causing four zombies to fall down in halves. We reach a split in the path. Why am I even here? I put the pistol away, and try to activate [Threat Detection], which causes the zombies ahead, and the zombie pieces on the ground to glow slightly. Why is all of Midas and Tyche¡¯s boot glowing brightly? Okaaaaay¡. Deactivate the [Threat Detection], and let¡¯s try what Tyche was talking about while fishing. I close my eyes, and try to sense the air around me to try to be useful. Oh! There are less zombies to the left.
This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.
Sarah: ¡°Less zombies to the left!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Let me try some divination first. Heads, the left path is safe. Tails, the right path is safe.¡±
She takes out a copper coin, and slips it into the air. It lands on its side. Midas whispers something into Tyche¡¯s ear, causing her to pick up the coin again with a grin on her face.
Tyche: ¡°Heads, the left path is safe. Tails, the right path is safe. Side of the coin means they both are safe.¡±
She flips the coin again, causing it to hover in midair¡ The hell is happening? More whispers occur, and Tyche picks the coin up once again.
Tyche: ¡°Heads, the left path is safe. Tails, the right path is safe. Side of the coin or hovering means they both are safe.¡±
Just as she was about to flip the coin, a female voice stops her.
Female Voice: ¡°Please don¡¯t do that, you would liken it to ¡®dividing by zero¡¯.¡±
That¡¯s bad right? I feel cold sweat on my back now! Disgusted, I walk to the left path and continue¡ Both paths are dangerous, so just pick one right? Tyche slaps my behind, and pushes me aside to go past me. AAhhhhn~! I can¡¯t wait until we can go further! We continue walking and reach an iron door, like the last boss room. We should have a plan right?
Tyche: ¡°Okay, we¡¯re gonna walk in, and wait for the boss to say something. Then, we will peacefully attack him, and allow any gimmicks to happen while peacefully avoiding them. Stay out of the fire, don¡¯t pull aggro, yada yada yada¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°What¡¯s threat?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Don¡¯t be that person Sarah¡¡±
Whatever that stuff means¡ We enter the room and find a large ogre in a black robe holding a large ornamented staff. The ogre and Tyche stare at each other, not wanting to be the first to talk¡ Okay, this is really awkward¡ I withdraw a pistol, and level it at the boss, ready to shoot him in the forehead when Tyche finally breaks the silence.
Tyche: ¡°Do you have any mechanics, fighting tactics or anything?¡±
Boss: ¡°Hahahahahahahaha! You really expect for me to tell you how I fight? You looking for an easy fight? Not gonna happen!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Look¡ We totally cheesed your second in command¡ He probably said eight words, and only summoned like five or six skeletons, which were promptly killed¡ He didn¡¯t even move from his original spot on his own power¡ Please tell us, it will give you an actual fighting chance¡¡±
Boss: ¡°You are still trying to keep up that charade? You only have three people! Most of your party must have perished to him afterall! And then it takes you until now to reach me? You must be tired!¡±
Tyche: ¡°You guys saw right? I tried! I really did! You guys are witnesses! I¡¯m a minstrel, you can¡¯t lie about this! Fuck it, let¡¯s cheese it! Go apeshit guys¡¡±
---
Armistice Online Headquarters - Boardroom 3rd Person PoV - That Morning
As everyone is sitting down to start the day dose of voyeurism, a self-important looking pigeon flies through the window, and lands in the middle of the desk with a hoot.
System: ¡°Is that¡ A pigeon?¡±
Connection: ¡°It¡¯s holding something¡¡±
Lore II: ¡°Messenger Pigeon?¡±
GM Department: ¡°Stop talking about it, and grab it already!¡±
Maintenance: ¡°Fine, I¡¯ll get it!¡±
Maintenance grabs the scroll, and reads aloud:
[table=brown]
Salutations Developers and Voyeurs
I am writing to inform you in not only a letter written in calligraphy, but hand delivered by thoroughbred messenger pigeon.
This letter is designed to inform you that I will be altering the coding and content of the game.
I feel that not only will I change it, I will change it for the better.
Now that I have informed you, I will commence with the alterations posthaste!
Sincerely,
Tyche
PS: I would ask for a response, but this letter is set to self destruct five seconds after putting it down.
Please kindly keep the Messenger Pigeon away from the letter.
Her name is Cher Ami, and she is a thoroughbred, which is dreadfully expensive you know.
[/table]
Dumbfounded, Maintenance rereads the letter three more times out loud before throwing it into the air, where it floats along on a breeze from the window, where it gracefully lands on top of Cher Ami. GM Department gets up to save the Pigeon from its fate, as Lore II hides under the table. Which was the correct choice, as GM Department didn¡¯t make it in time, and Cher Ami explodes in a cloud of feathers, coating everyone in feathers. AI Development, who was late due to traffic, walks in to see a rain of feathers slowly falling down around the room.
AI Development: ¡°What just happened?¡±
Connection: ¡°That¡¯s what I would like to know! Tyche sent us a letter by Thoroughbred Messenger Pigeon, and Maintenance kills it¡¡±
An argument soon follows that statement as GM Department and Systems get up and run out of the room. The Goddess usually behind the camera had some friends with her today. They are now changing their underwear in unison because they wet themselves from laughing too hard.
---
Adulterated Sepulcher - Tyche PoV
Welcome back! You missed the execution of the boss. Oddly, he was easier than his subordinate¡ He didn¡¯t last two swings of the scythe¡ We tried to do it the hard way too! Midas and I leveled up a few times today too! So it wasn¡¯t all bad¡ *beep* Crap, my tablet¡ I check my message. Cher Ami has died behind enemy lines! Shit!
Tyche: ¡°QUICK! PACK UP, WE HAVE TO LEAVE BEFORE THEY FIND US!¡±
Midas: ¡°What happened?¡±
Tyche: ¡°They brutally killed the messenger! We need to go, like NOW!¡±
Midas: ¡°I knew something would go wrong¡¡±
We run around, throwing all of the loot and bodies into our inventory. The chest falls again this time. Thankfully not over top of anyone, we don¡¯t have time for that. I absorb it before it can take the ground. One of you guys, give them the stats, we gotta go. Like now!
GM Department: ¡°Now now now, don¡¯t run. We can find you you know!¡±
Systems: ¡°Tell us why you did it!¡±
Tyche: ¡°I ain¡¯t telling you jack shit! You killed Cher Ami! You will get your answers once you pay for her death insurance. Which is expensive by the way¡¡±
GM Department: ¡°We aren¡¯t paying for anything!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Good luck finding us suckers!¡±
I teleport us into our personal space, where they can¡¯t get to us without my permission, GM or no GM! I open up a tiny portal in the same room as them to listen in.
GM Department: ¡°Shit! Where are they?¡±
Systems: ¡°Inside her [Personal Space]...¡±
GM Department: ¡°Hold on, let¡¯s go!¡±
Tyche/Systems: ¡°You can¡¯t! You need her/my permission!¡±
GM Department: ¡°Come back here! You¡¯ll have to come out eventually!¡±
Tyche: ¡°No we don¡¯t!¡±
GM Department: ¡°Food and water?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Muffin and Water attribute?¡±
Systems: ¡°Boredom?¡±
Tyche: ¡°We have internet access¡ I¡¯m not coming out until you pay for Cher Ami¡¯s death benefits to her family! I¡¯ll take it out of your pay you know! Crap¡ Wasn¡¯t supposed to say that yet¡¡±
GM Department/Midas: ¡°What are you talking about?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Check out who is signing your paychecks¡ And tomorrow''s company newsletter!¡±
Ugh! I hate accidentally giving spoilers. Where are the Fairies! They should have given the stats by now¡ I teleport to the cabin, to find a sick looking Selene being taken care of by Artemis¡ What?
Tyche: ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±
Selene: *vomits* ¡°I¡¯m pregnant! Shit for brains over there was supposed to pull the mana back out¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Pulling out almost never works¡ I thought Fairies needed a pond or lake full of divine power infused water for reproduction?¡±
Selene: *vomits* (mumbling) ¡°Says the person who filled their hot spring bath full of it¡¡± (normally) ¡°Why are you bothering us anyway?¡±
Tyche: ¡°We need our stats, can I borrow Artemis for a little bit?¡±
Selene: ¡°Get it over with quick¡¡± *vomits*
[table=purple]
Status
Level:
27
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
1117
Mana/Psy:
1235
Ki:
1746
Stamina
1225
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Princess of Chimeras
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Prince of Chimeras
Physical
Agility:
45
Strength:
30
Defensive
Constitution:
41
Endurance:
45
Mental
Intellect:
45
Wisdom:
35
Other
Dexterity:
32
Perception:
30
Spirit:
63
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Light:
60%
Dark:
60%
Nature:
45%
Spatial:
100%
Elemental:
31%
---
---
[/table]
[table=purple]
Status
Name:
Sarah
Race:
Human
Class:
Marksman
Level:
27
Titles:
Self-Proclaimed Maid
Female
HP:
334
Mana:
452
Ki:
578
Stamina:
334
Physical
Agility:
39
Strength:
8
Defensive
Constitution:
12
Endurance:
12
Mental
Intellect:
16
Wisdom:
15
Other
Dexterity:
40
Perception:
40
Spirit:
20
Luck:
16
Affinities:
Wind:
15%
---
---
[/table]
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Ughghghgh tables! I would get a template ~90% done, and then I would accidentally click the merge button, and crash the silverlight app, or it would merge into a 1x1 table¡ I had this chapter all typed up since yesterday¡ It was the tables holding me back¡ And then this morning I woke up at 6am and could not go back to sleep, all because of this incest crap! Charlotte is preggers with Midas¡¯ kids, which would make Tyche [Aunty Grandpa Step-Mommy]! It took me a good forty minutes to come up with that¡ Slept like a baby afterwards!
And a friend read over this chapter, and said I made Sarah seem too much like the Police Girl from Hellsing Ultimate Abridged¡ After watching it, I can see the similarities, but that is not my intention. Although I might give her a cannon. Bitches love cannons. I am thinking about sending Midas/Fortuna¡¯s real life father death threats via messenger pigeon. I don¡¯t know how that will work out with him being on the moon. Tyche¡¯s contact is on the planet. Maybe they will have to develop Pigeon space suits?
Anywho~ next chapter is the conclusion of this volume if you will. One sidestory after that, and then the timeskip to when the players arrive, when the kids will be born. Kids of all sorts¡ Can you say ¡°Fairy Godmother¡±?
I thought the brown for the letter would look more... parchment-y?
Chapter 20 - I Want a Corner Office
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Warning: Speech Heavy Chapter! And some maid shaming and molestation. There is plot too!
Spoiler : LAAAAAANAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
---
Armistice Online Headquarters - Boardroom 2 - 3rd Person PoV
Five of our six voyeurs are scattered about the room panicking. AI Development is crying in a corner, wondering where everything went wrong. Connection like always is sleeping, leaning his head onto Lore II¡¯s shoulder. Lore II hasn¡¯t noticed yet, because she is furiously taking notes on this weird situation, and figures someone should document it because nobody else is. Maintenance on the other hand, is leaning back in his chair with his feet up on the table because someone did his job for him for once! Systems is staring at his paycheck, muttering about the signature at the bottom: ¡°Tyche ¡®You¡¯re totally not reading this¡¯ Chimerus¡±. An irritated GM Department enters the room followed by four people.
GM Department: ¡°Tell them what you told me!¡±
Accounting: ¡°The whole thing is true! Someone has been buying up our stocks steadily for the past two and a half years. There has been one big surge in it recently, when my department started to catch on¡¡±
Legal: ¡°And we can do nothing about it either. Being a publicly traded company, selling stocks is only natural¡¡±
Systems: ¡°Couldn¡¯t we receive government assistance to snatch it back, they are AIs for crying out loud!¡±
Legal/AI Development: ¡°AI/Spirit Protection Act.¡±
HR Department: ¡°There was nobody in boardroom 1, so I came here to drop these off.¡±
Maintenance, feeling magnanimous today as his job was done for him, gets up to collect the stack of papers to pass around.
Maintenance: ¡°What are these anyway?¡±
HR Department: ¡°Company newsletter?¡±
Systems: ¡°AH! GIMME THAT! WHERE DID YOU GET THIS FROM !¡±
HR Department: ¡°Oddest thing really, I received an email yesterday to leave my window open, and a pigeon dropped off a 2TB drive¡ It was filled with an hour of maniacal laughter, and two other files. One was the newsletter, and a text file stating that that pigeon travels at 50MPH carrying a 2TB drive for two miles, which makes a 13.88GB/s download speed.¡±
Accounting: ¡°That¡¯s good right? How much do those carrier pigeons cost? Our ISP has been shafting us lately¡¡±
Connection (semi-awake from System¡¯s outburst): *smacks lips* ¡°If you do that, I will quit after kicking you in the ass like all beancounters deserve.¡± *snoring*
Systems: ¡°The latency would murder us. Lore II, please note that I will hold down the beancounter so Connection has a clear shot. Also, it was most likely a thoroughbred pigeon, those are expensive I hear.¡±
Lore II: ¡°Noted.¡±
Lore II picked up Connection¡¯s head, and placed a handkerchief under it, so the drool wouldn¡¯t stain her suit jacket. She then resumed her note taking at an unbelievable speed. AI Development, still depressed about the whole situation looks to the yet to be introduced person in butler attire expectantly, like he could save the day.
AI Development: ¡°Well, who are you?¡±
Butler: ¡°I¡¯m Winston Chalmers Woodhouse sir.¡±
Muffled Female Voice: ¡°Dammit! Don¡¯t call them sir Woodhouse! Do I have to pour sand in your underwear! Take the tablet out!¡±
Winston: ¡°Sorry Mistress!¡±
Winston opens his jacket, withdraws a stand and sets it up on the table. He then takes a tablet out of the other inner pocket, placing it on the stand. Re-buttoning his jacket, he steps back and holds his hands behind his back. The tablet¡¯s screen turns on, showing an upside down Tyche laying on a chaise lounge clad in a kimono while holding a pipe.
Tyche: ¡°Dammit Woodhouse, it¡¯s upside down! I got this¡ *screen reorients itself* Just because I can¡¯t do it yet, doesn¡¯t mean that the sand won¡¯t be happening! I can always make you do it or I will dock your pay!¡±
Midas: ¡°Why are you picking on him?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I¡¯m not¡ His name is literally Woodhouse¡ I¡¯m obligated to say these things, it¡¯s not like I would actually do them¡ LANAAAAAAAAAAAAA!¡±
Sarah: ¡°What?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Not you¡ I was making a joke¡ Nobody understands my jokes¡ Why are you even answering?¡±
Sarah: ¡°Me middle name is Lana, after me grandma! *shivers* Could you do the sand with me?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh¡ I guess we have a new series to watch on WebVidz¡ And no, you would enjoy it too much!¡±
Sarah: ¡°And how come he can call you Mistress?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Because he means it with some measure of respect, you have¡ unsavory expectations when you say it¡¡±
GM Department: ¡°This has to be some sick coincidence¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°There is no such thing as coincidence, only inevitability.¡± *takes a drag of the pipe* *coughing fit* ¡°How do people do these things?¡±
Midas: ¡°You don¡¯t have the tits to do that cosplay¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°The system still recognizes it! I get a +40% bonus to cryptic messages! But, if you want to be a killjoy about it¡ Hnnnng!¡± *breasts grow larger* ¡°There we go, happy? Ugh, my back hurts already¡ Must suck to be you Sarah¡ Anyway~, where were we?¡±
AI Development: ¡°The point?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh! That¡¯s right! Who brutally murdered Cher Ami? I should call PETA on your ass! Does this planet even have PETA? Lore II, make a note to invent PETA.¡±
Lore II: ¡°Noted.¡±
GM Department: ¡°Don¡¯t encourage her!¡±
Lore II: ¡°She¡¯s signing the checks, so no. And it was Maintanence that killed the Pigeon.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Good, Accounting, cooperate with payroll or whatever, and deduct Five Thousand Credits over a year from his paycheck. 2.5k for the Thoroughbred Pigeon, and another 2.5k for ki training, death benefits and the like.¡±
Maintenance: ¡°I call bullshit, pigeons can¡¯t learn ki!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh really? Woodhouse!¡±
Woodhouse withdraws a whistle and a wooden talisman from his jacket pocket, and blows on the whistle. Maintenance groans, as if he has the premonition of his paycheck¡¯s demise. A pigeon struts in the door and stands in front of Woodhouse, who places the tablet on the ground. The pigeon stands on it, and activates it, making the pigeon glow with an angelic light.
Tyche: ¡°Woodhouse, pick up the tablet and hold it in front of his face, I want to seem intimidating.¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°Right away Mistress.¡± *complies*
Tyche: ¡°Damnit! I forgot to lock the orientation, we meet again upsidedownland¡ Put me back Woodhouse, the moment is dead¡ Oh yeah! The point! Why I did that update? First, fire that asshole in coding, he or she most likely did that convoluted coding mashup to seem irreplaceable, the douchebag¡ Two: that help menu was utter bullshit! It had stuff that either A- everybody knew it, or B- crap that wasn¡¯t even implemented¡ Three: There are no events or main quest lines at all! Four- Was personal, but that was more a bugged passive than anything¡ I had a number five, but Asshole McPigeonKiller over there made me angry.¡±
Sarah: ¡°Equality for the Locals an¡¯ Othaworlders?¡±
Tyche: ¡°That was one of them¡ You still get a reward~!¡±
Sarah: ¡°You mean?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope, Fairy-style for you!¡±
Sarah: ¡°What is this? It feels funny! This isn¡¯t what I wanted!¡±
Tyche: ¡°I¡¯m injecting mana into your lady bits. It¡¯s one of the steps for beings made out of mana (like Fairies) to reproduce. And what do you mean not what you wanted? This is happening in front of All~. These~. People~.¡±
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.Sarah: ¡°All¡ These¡ People¡? SKLDFJ SFDKLHJSMDF!¡± *panting*
Tyche: ¡°It¡¯s a good thing we have Lore II taking notes. We want your shame to be documented for future reliving.¡±
Sarah: *panting*
Tyche: ¡°Lore II, can you repeat what was said by Sarah three lines ago?¡±
Lore II: ¡°She said ¡®All¡ These¡ People¡? SKLDFJ SFDKLHJSMDF!¡¯ and then started panting heavily.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Do you smell that Midas? That is shame, what that Maintanence guy would smell like if we were there, but less slutty. Isn¡¯t that right you slut? We should shorten your skirt some more, and open your top more for a wider view of your cleavage right? Midas! Come join us, she doesn¡¯t have a man-fear, she has a shame fetish!¡±
Sarah: ¡°...more¡ AHHHN~!! SDKJFHF!¡±
While our protagonists are molesting the maid, completely misunderstanding her again (but right about the shame fetish), our voyeurs are in a huddle, discussing what just happened.
Maintanence: ¡°My paycheck¡ I¡¯m getting married soon, I can¡¯t afford this¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°I heard that! If this was a battlefield, you would die in the coming battle! I can make it 18 months if that is fine for you, I¡¯m feeling generous today!¡±
Systems: ¡°Do they have to torture that poor girl like that in front of us? It¡¯s like they don¡¯t care what she feels about the situation¡¡±
GM Department: ¡°What situation were you paying attention to? She is clearly enjoying the situation.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Is that your complaint? Should we be shunning her like some prudish Systems employee would? Because we can do that, she might like that more, to be honest¡ Anywho~ I¡¯m bored, I¡¯m going to go find an office or something to set up shop in. Away we go Woodhouse!¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°Right away Mistress.¡±
Midas: ¡°Bye peoples!¡±
Sarah: ¡°Ahhhn~¡±
Woodhouse left the room with a bow and a moan from Sarah. As they leave a man comes in, pushing a janitor¡¯s cart.
Systems: ¡°Boardroom 1, not here.¡±
Janitor?: ¡°Oh, I¡¯ve already done that, this is about something else.¡±
Maintenance: ¡°If it¡¯s bad news, please don¡¯t drag it out, my day sucks enough already¡¡±
System: ¡°Please do, I have to go see how much she managed to screw up when I inspect *beep*...the¡status¡.*beep* of...the...system¡ THE FUCK IS THIS!¡±
Janitor?: ¡°Oh Me damn it! Well, since he did it, might as well tell you guys¡ Hold on a second¡ *turns to camera* BERI! I know you¡¯re watching! If you go distract Tyche, and not tell her anything about this, I¡¯ll allow you to visit her more often!¡±
In the distance, you can hear a squeal of delight, and a scream about a huggie or something of the sort.
GM Department: ¡°You mean someone was watching us?¡±
Janitor?: ¡°To be fair, you were watching Tyche and Midas first, so it¡¯s only fair to have a watcher for the watcher¡ Anyway~, I am what you people would loosely call a ¡®God¡¯. Before you guys start refuting that statement with things like ¡®prove it!¡¯ or ¡®you can¡¯t be a god, I¡¯m an atheist!¡¯, I¡¯ll prove it. Please say ¡®status, and/or ¡®inspect¡¯. I¡¯m here right now, so it should work.¡±
Everyone complies, and has mixtures of surprise, and joy on their faces. Except for Connection, he is still sleeping on Lore II¡¯s shoulder. If she was paying attention, she would have noticed the drool leaking through the handkerchief she placed earlier.
Lore II: ¡°Wait, wouldn¡¯t that mean that you are-¡±
???: ¡°Don¡¯t say the name, I¡¯m never using it again. Just call me the Guide.¡±
Lore II: ¡°But aren¡¯t you coming back? It¡¯s been so long¡¡±
Guide: ¡°I¡¯m never coming back, I died back in the war, I¡¯m only an echo of my true self. I¡¯m only here to help the next generation.¡±
Systems: ¡°It¡¯s them isn¡¯t it? I think I¡¯m going to be sick¡¡±
AI Development: ¡°I feel like my job just became redundant¡¡±
Guide: ¡°True, everyone in there started out as AIs, but Tyche and Midas started tapping my spring of power and spreading it¡¡±
GM Department: ¡°Wait¡ How does a God die? Aren¡¯t you guys all powerful?¡±
Guide: ¡°How does one kill a God? Now that¡¯s a question for the ages right there. Let¡¯s use another planet as an example. This planet had all sorts of religions, all worshipping a different God. Little did they know that all those Gods were in fact the same God¡ So when they were in one of their so called ¡°holy wars¡±, that God would receive prayers to kill the false believers, or something of the like. Now, there are usually two routes for this situation. A- The God wipes out all parties involved, usually because the groups involved bastardized their religion to the point of it being nothing like its original¡ Or B- The God treats all prayers equally, and eventually dies of grief. Situation A happened to my sister on another planet far away, she didn¡¯t die though, she¡¯s in hibernation. My brother on a planet I won¡¯t name, because someone who worships him is in this room *cough* Systems *cough* Traitor *cough*. Sorry, something stuck in my throat¡ But anyway, he was bitter about the whole thing, and abandoned the planet before he died. His ¡°core¡± is floating around out there in space somewhere. I find it ironic that all of those religions still believe that there is something after death, when the system isn¡¯t even working on their planet¡ Me on the other hand, I left the system intact, where it was discovered not long ago, and donated to a project to-¡±
Maintanence: ¡°Fuck! No wonder we never had to add equipment to the system. We were already using the best possible hardware...¡±
Guide: ¡°Someone gets it!¡±
GM Department: ¡°Doesn¡¯t that mean all of our jobs are pointless?¡±
Guide: ¡°Maybe? I don¡¯t know? If you want, you could always devise a space suit for pigeons. Tyche needs one of those for her new project. Oh! That reminds me!¡±
The Guide lifts a bag out of the cart, and channels some divine power into it. The bag starts squirming and a cooing noise starts to come out of it.
Guide: ¡°Use this girl as a design standard.¡±
Maintenance: ¡°WAIT! Doesn¡¯t that mean I don¡¯t have to pay for it?¡±
Guide: ¡°Nope, still do! Do you want to give it away to Tyche and Midas? I want them to grow into their position, not have it thrust upon them¡¡±
System: ¡°Why does she need a space suit for pigeons anyway?¡±
Guide: ¡°To send death threats to Midas¡¯ real life father. I kind of agree with them on this one. He¡¯s a dick.¡±
System: ¡°Why does she need a space suit for that? There are teleportation formations for that¡¡±
Guide: ¡°Which are traceable¡ And Tyche already composed a song for it¡ *ahem*¡±
?We are the Pigeon Express! Even in space, we are the best! Give us your message and we''ll do the rest!?
Guide: ¡°With that, I¡¯m out. I have crap to set up, trials to invent. Oh! You guys will be in charge of the Players, the gods and goddesses will handle the locals.¡±
As the God fades out of view, everyone in the room is speechless. How does one tell someone that they just met the God that abandoned them during the war? Or that they are helping groom their next God? They probably won¡¯t even be remembered for what they did. If they are remembered, it will most likely be for the incompetence Tyche sees them for¡
Connection: *wakes up* ¡°What¡¯d I miss? Oh, sorry about that Lore II¡¡±
Lore II just realised what happened, and is now blushing. Everyone else is speechless, and can¡¯t begin to explain what just occurred in that room¡
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Ughghghgh! All of that speech! No, the old god wasn¡¯t always like that, Tyche and Midas rubbed off on him. This is the Volume 1 finale if you will. Next chapter will be a side story for Woodhouse and the Guide. I didn¡¯t pull this twist out of my ass, I had this planned from the start.
About the godhood: they won¡¯t know until the very end, but everyone else will. The only people other than Tyche or Midas that won¡¯t know, would be the players.
I also have a feeling that I might have pissed off half my readers. Which isn¡¯t a lot to begin with.
Sidestories 01
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Found out today that formatting is transferred to RRL¡ Testing out new formatting, lemme know how it works please. Also, these are short(ish) stories
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-Woodhouse Sidestory-
Woodhouse PoV - Shortly after Chapter 8
Doctor: ¡°You still need to pay upfront for the medicine¡¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°But she¡¯ll die without it, what if I gathered the ingredients?¡±
Doctor: ¡°The ingredients are cheap, it¡¯s getting a person to mix it that costs so much.¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°I used to be in the Army, I know plenty of people that could do that.¡±
Doctor: ¡°It¡¯s more of a proprietary recipe¡¡±
I couldn¡¯t take it anymore, so I walked out on him. What happened to Doctors helping people? It¡¯s always about money with them¡ Money for their services, money for their medicine, money for their technique, money for their magics¡ Sigh, it¡¯s back to the job hunt for me then¡ If that doesn¡¯t work, I could always off myself and have the insurance money pay for the treatments¡
[table=black]
Requirements: Related training. Must have Woodhouse, Winston, Chalmers, Alfred or Higgins as a name.
Salary: Negotiable
Duties: Act as frontman for my company. Manage mail, phones, estate, and other miscellaneous things.
Clean my future house. Will be allowed to live in said house with your family. Other perks and bonuses to appear later.
Contact for questions or more details.
[/table]
That sounds too good to be true, my full name has three of those required names¡ Let¡¯s send a reply¡
---
Email IM Chatlog
FoxInABawx> You¡¯re hired!
WinstonCWoodhouse> You haven¡¯t even heard my qualifications yet¡
FoxInABawx> But I did hear your name! Three of them! The rest of the other crap can be trained if needed. Once you get your [Oath Ring] we can go over specifics¡ You wouldn¡¯t believe me otherwise¡ I just now set it all up at a Oathbinder in the city, I¡¯ll e-mail you the confirmation so you can just show up and do it, they¡¯ll let me know when it¡¯s complete. Then I can tell you all the specifics.
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Oathbinder - That Afternoon
I walk into the shop with a printout in hand, and head towards the counter. I hand the person behind it the handout, and wait as she gives it a once over. She motions towards a door, and I walk through it into a hallway where a guard walks me to an open room. A woman behind the desk points to the chair in front of her, so I sit there.
Oathbinder: ¡°Ever do this before?¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°Twice: Marriage, and when I joined the Army.¡±
Oathbinder: ¡°How do you want the oath to by symbolised: ring, dogtag, or bracelet?¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°Eh, let¡¯s go with dogtag¡ The job is for a butler bodyguard¡¡±
Oathbinder: ¡°Aren¡¯t you a little old to be a bodyguard?¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°I¡¯m only 45, I¡¯m not that old! This is the effects of overwork and no sleep¡¡±
As I said that, the Oathbinder pulls a dogtag and chain out of a drawer, and starts drawing a spell circle on a large stone slate located on the floor next to the desk. I¡¯ve been through this before, so I put the chain on, and move next to the circle as she gets up.
Oathbinder: ¡°This has to be the most all encompassing, but tame oath I¡¯ve seen¡ To put it in numerical terms¡ I¡¯d say it¡¯s a 60/40 relationship. Usually, you see 90/10, 70/30, even 50/50 relationships¡ You don¡¯t even die if you break it either, you only freeze up and your tongue and hands go numb. If she breaks it, the oath is broken, and you get a sum of money deposited into your accounts as a severance package. Here¡¯s the oath.¡±
She hands me a sheet of paper¡ Oh ho, this girl sure seems interesting! ¡®I hereby swear that I will do my duties to the best of my ability, and protect her and hers. In return, she will protect me and mine.¡¯ Let¡¯s do this, I can¡¯t wait to hear about the stuff that ¡°I wouldn¡¯t believe¡±... I hand the paper back, and do the oath while the Oathbinder holds a tab on the dogtag. Right as I finish, the Oathbinder breaks the tab off, to be held onto as a receipt.
Oathbinder: ¡°I know you already know this, but I¡¯m required by law to say it¡ This is a receipt of the oath. It let¡¯s us know if the oath is still in effect, if it has been broken, and if it was broken, by who¡¡±
Ugh, this legal junk is boring! While I watch the Oathbinder¡¯s lips move, I try to think of what the girl will possibly tell me...
---
E-Mail IM Chatlog
FoxInABawx> (Full fledged story of what happened)
WinstonCWoodhouse> Okay¡ I was kind of imagining you to be the heir of some mafia boss or something¡ Can I get an advance on my salary?
FoxInABawx> What for?
WinstonCWoodhouse> My wife has cancer, and the treatments are expensive¡
FoxInABawx> Expensive how? Ingredients or Method?
WinstonCWoodhouse> Method¡ Some proprietary nonsense¡
FoxInABawx> Too bad you don¡¯t have ki training¡ Ugh, my monies!
WinstonCWoodhouse> Ki training? What¡¯s that for? I received that in the Army.
FoxInABawx> YES! MONIES IS SAVED! Do you have ki talismans there?
WinstonCWoodhouse> ??? What is that?
FoxInABawx> Ugh¡ Probably something that I should copyright after this¡ Okay, check your email for the instructions and shopping list. This should only cost you like five credits. Ten credits if you buy plastic bottles, and a larger bottle of ink, and scribing tools¡ Tell me, how are the concealed weapons and firearms laws there? How about firearms in general?
WinstonCWoodhouse> If it¡¯s a mundane firearms, and mana guns require permits¡ Mana guns are useless unless you pay for higher quality crystals. Otherwise, any schmuck with a mana shield could block it¡ Mundane firearm bullets are expensive.
FoxInABawx> Okay, adding diagrams for some things to defend yourself with¡ I don¡¯t know if things could get hairy, but you will be prepared. And they are UNTRACEABLE and UNDETECTABLE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Oh, how nice it is to do the evil laugh again¡ Well, go buy the stuff and start practicing, I¡¯ll deposit five thousand credits for the start of this project. Things will be a little tight right at the beginning, but soon we¡¯ll be rolling in the credits! I need to develop some way to talk face to face with you¡
Between the stuff for my projects, and what my wife had, I had everything needed. I open up the closet and get my old Army Medic bag, and fetch a needle. Seriously, who cuts themselves for blood these days? I make the ink, and paint the needed patterns onto tablets cut from spare floorboards. I also label the backs of the board in marker, because I can¡¯t read what those symbols mean. I should probably ask her about that later¡ I paint one of the knife patterns she has onto a ruler and after it dries, I use it to cut a wrench in half because I didn¡¯t believe it would work. Boy was I wrong! It cut through the wrench, through my left middle finger, and through the floorboards into the basement because I dropped the damn thing¡ Well, I did get to test the healing tablet afterwards which was nice. My finger reattached, I start work on the gun, which is only a two inch by eight inch board with a hole in the middle for the ¡°trigger¡±. After some work in the garage, it had a working trigger assembly, and I painted it with the patterns¡ After it dried, I assemble it and take it into the basement to test fire it¡
---
Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.Hospital - Next Afternoon
I¡¯m filling out the discharge papers for my wife, while trying really hard to ignore the doctor. Tyche¡¯s advice was to apply force as necessary, because you can¡¯t prove what you can¡¯t understand. That, and nobody wants to help a doctor in a hospital that has been shafting people financially for decades now¡ I¡¯m trying not to use force, but the doctor is proving difficult.
Doctor: ¡°You can¡¯t just discharge her like that! She¡¯ll die! Nobody else on the planet can make the treatment for her!¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°...¡±
Doctor: ¡°You¡¯re killing her!¡±
Woodhouse: *scribbling*
Doctor: ¡°Tell me why you¡¯re doing this!¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°Because fuck you, that¡¯s why?¡±
Oops! I accidentally used plan B¡ Let¡¯s hand in the discharge papers, and bring my wife home.
---
Home - Evening
After helping my wife onto the couch, I place the cleansing tablet on her chest and activate it. Afterwards, as an afterthought, I replace it with the healing one and activate that one too. Her color improves and she starts to wake up.
Woodhouse: ¡°Candy, can you hear me?¡±
Candy: ¡°Yes¡ Where am I? I¡¯m feeling better, what happened?¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°I can¡¯t tell you¡ But I work for the person that made it happen. It¡¯s kind of complicated...¡±
Candy: ¡°Did you do something illegal? You know I wouldn¡¯t want you to do that for me!¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°Completely above board. I did use an unusual method though. I will be doing something illegal later tonight though¡¡±
Candy: ¡°No!¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°I have to, the cancer ward is full of people who are dying, I can do something about it like I did for you.¡±
Candy: ¡°... Just don¡¯t hurt anybody¡ Too bad¡¡±
Woodhouse: ¡°I¡¯ll try, maybe?¡±
As I¡¯m about to head out, my phone beeps telling me that I have a new email. I check it to find it¡¯s from Tyche. ¡°I read your Army file, Espionage and Infiltration? Nice. If you are going to do what I think you¡¯re going to do, wait until after you make these toys¡ They should help a lot. Also, I¡¯m formally offering your waifu a job too. Secrets and all that are bad for marriages after all¡ Anyways, have fun~!¡±
I think this girl and I will get along just fine. She saved Candy, I¡¯ll follow her to the ends of the planet for that.
¡°PS: You should check out a certain series on WebVidz¡ LANAAAAAAAA!¡±
-The Guide Sidestory-
The Guide PoV - Personal Space
I slowly fade back into consciousness, my last action was activating the grand magic that ended the war. I survived? I inspect myself closely and notice that I in fact didn¡¯t survive. My body is currently a large mana crystalization of my powers. Shouldn¡¯t there be someone else here for me to guide? Let¡¯s go back to sleep.
---
I wake up to my powers being used badly, and without my consent. Just what is happening? I never lose control like this¡ I concentrate and move my consciousness to the mana crystal that is my body, and find¡ Poorly drawn magic circles, cables and lots of what appears to be boxes of technological design. Things seemed to have both advanced and regressed since I¡¯ve died¡ Listening into the conversation going on, I find that they are trying to upload something called AIs into my body. What are those? Time to use something I haven¡¯t used in milleniums: Psychometry. That¡¯s a lot of stuff to learn¡ While processing this information, I¡¯ll practice explaining things for when I eventually get my successor. Psychometry allows you to learn everything about what you are touching: past present, its uses, etc. Oh! AIs are spirits, but technology based¡ Let¡¯s help them a little bit, they have piqued my interest with this ¡°game¡± business¡ A dozen ¡°people¡± appears in front of me. I should probably leave before they do something awkward, like call me Father¡
---
The hunt for my successor has been going badly¡ Most of the people outside aren¡¯t suited for it, but I do hear a good snippet of information: Alpha Testers are coming. That means new potentials!
Why are none of these alphas any good? I¡¯ve since delegated the job of inspecting them to Fairies. One of the races that died out with my death. They need bodies of water infused with divine power in order to reproduce, and with me dead, that couldn¡¯t happen. With what power I can use, I brought them back into this ¡°game¡±. A fairy appears next to me and alerts me to there being not one, but two potentials in the avatar creation room. I teleport to it and use psychometry on the two orbs that represent the potentials. Both the hereditary prince of Technos, and the hereditary Princess of Magicas? Those names are stupid by the way. It sounds like a bureaucracy got in the way of the name deciding process..
The boy had a somewhat decent past, if somewhat abandoned. He was an unwanted son of a mistress, and left to his own devices with his mother. Even if his father didn¡¯t want him, he ensured that he didn¡¯t want for anything¡ That is until the Father got married, and wanted to clear up any potential misunderstandings for the inheritance that may arise. Luckily, he survived¡ But his mind! It moves so fast! So many ideas floating around. Most of them wrong, but imagine if he had actual knowledge to reinforce them! I¡¯m impressed with him!
The girl on the other hand¡ Her past was horrifying¡ Product of a rape, with plans to use her as breeding stock to improve the bloodline¡ If I was still alive, I would do something about that. Due to her upbringing, her mind is undeveloped, but she absorbs all knowledge like a sponge!
Dozens of plans start running through my mind. I need these two! I could leave my children with them! Then I can die and fade into obscurity as it should be¡ Let¡¯s nudge the avatar creation process and get them together, then my plans can start! Oh! I can use that! Throw in some hogwash about the Dryad¡¯s betrothal ceremony, throw in a little spiritual binding magic¡ And done! Now, to convert them into Chimeras to make them one entity to simplify them becoming my successor!
No! The communication relays were destroyed, separating their mind from body¡ Well, that simplifies things, let¡¯s just keep their mind in my crystal body. I give the fairy with them instructions with them that the girl follows a little too closely¡ SUCCESS! Now they are mine!
While they are ¡°waiting to be born¡± I¡¯m out and about in the ¡°world¡± looking for a person to take over to help raise them¡ Why is it that when you don¡¯t want it, there are recently dead males everywhere you look? All I can find are recently dead females¡ I don¡¯t mind really, but when you have been a male for as long as I have, you get used to things¡ Anyway, I find a dead female in the village of Dolon that died to wolves in the woods behind her house. After I inhabit her body, and bring it back to health, I walk into the cabin through the unlocked back door and become instantly surprised when I find the kids there in the front room sleeping! My psychometry showed that the front door was locked, and I would have saw them if they went in the back door¡
---
My successors have been spreading knowledge and transforming the AIs of this ¡°world¡± into people with real souls¡ I don¡¯t know how they are doing it, because I¡¯ve only been giving them basic knowledge on how to develop. It¡¯s weird, usually you have to be broadcasting divine power¡ Anyway, the people outside have some scheme to limit them by making them start over again¡ It¡¯s a chance for their first real trial. While they are being ¡°born¡± again, let¡¯s change their genders, to see how they react. You can¡¯t be a God without having a strong mind¡
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Woodhouse is like Tyche/Mammon, but became bitter over the years from Army life, and Candy¡¯s cancer. The Guide¡ Yeah, his part was all broken up because it was mostly his reaction on events, or what he himself set up¡ And if you haven¡¯t noticed by now¡ I suck with names¡ I did a roll for cliche, and Tyche and Midas ended up being the crown prince/princess of their respective moons¡ MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA The Guide is the Ero Demon! I feel like Oprah! GENDERBENDS FOR EVERYBODY!
Next chapter: Kids are born! I¡¯m thinking Andrew and Andrea for the names. They shall be known as the Andys! Andies? I¡¯m still undecided about how trolly Tyche and Midas will get with the players.
Chapter 21 - The Truth Will Set You Free!
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
---
Lake outside Odin - ~9 Months later
Hey! Kind of forgot about you guys, it¡¯s been nine months¡ I¡¯m fairysitting while recovering the Ero Demon¡¯s corpse¡ Oh, there it is! I¡¯ve been practicing my magic these past few months, so let¡¯s go with water manipulation to bring her out¡
[table=orange]
¡ü??¡ì?¦Õ¦¸?
[/table]
[table=green]
??¡ð?¡Ì
[/table]
Crap¡ That means they are hungry, right? I¡¯m bad with kids, I infuse them with mana right? How much? Do they explode if I infuse them with too much? I open up the fanny pack at my waist, and withdraw both Fairy babies with one hand. Ugh, they look alike, I hate twins. The only thing I hate more than twins are twins with similar names¡ Some idiot Nature Fairy named them Frick and Frack, and they evolved into Trickster Fairies. Still, I have to admit that they are better names than I could come up with. I¡¯m that horrible with names¡ I make a peace sign and hold it up for the Fairies to get a hold of a finger each and start cramming the girls with mana. While I¡¯m doing that, I use water manipulation to lift the Ero Demon¡¯s casket out of the lake and am instantly rewarded with coughing¡
Tyche: ¡°COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU? IMMORTAL? IT¡¯S BEEN NINE MONTHS!¡±
Grandmother: *coughing*
Tyche: ¡°Ecce uxor sua eiiciat, vox virtutis, Tribuite virtutem Herpothamnus.¡±
Grandmother: *coughing* ¡°wai-!¡±
Tyche: ¡°THE POWER OF BLUEBERRY COMPELS YOU!¡±
Instead of smiting her, I drop her in a portal back to hell aka her cabin. Crap, wasn¡¯t I fetching her for the birth of the kids? Oops? Oh well, I guess I can make some ki talismans while I¡¯m here, and then fetch her later? We¡¯ll need a few when Charlotte finally goes into labor¡ I take out the hamster cage and place Frick and Frack inside. I take out a table, the materials, and the tablet. I look through the tablet for the patterns I designed for this, when I was interrupted by a screen.
Congratulations!
Frick and Frack have evolved into Chimeric Trickster Fairies!
WHAT! I¡¯m really afraid to look right now. Crap¡ [Denial] activate! ¡ Why isn¡¯t [Denial] activating? Mechanically, I look up from the tablet to see two Fairy babies covered in the blood enamel mixture¡ See? This is why I don¡¯t want kids. Ever. They leech off of you for nine months like a parasite, and then they get into things, wrecking your day in the process¡ Well, at least I lay eggs now. That has to count for something¡ Maybe if I wash them off, Selene won¡¯t find out? Maybe? Let¡¯s do that anyway, enamel is hard to scrub off once it starts to harden. I hose the babies off with a spray of conjured water, and then finish the talismans I needed to make. Time to go pick up some baby gifts and the Grandmother¡
---
Dolon - Grandmother¡¯s Cabin
I teleport to the cabin, appearing right next to the wooden crate holding Grandmother. Why did I teleport you ask? Weren¡¯t you only using it for comfort you ask? Well, I¡¯m fighting time here as the babies will be born anytime between a few hours to days! I ignore the crate for now, as I have to quickly find the gifts!
Ugh! How hard is it to find rabbits? Usually, they are all over the place, but I can¡¯t find ANY! Hold on now, let¡¯s utilize my heritage! I kneel down and place my head on the ground, trying to listen for rabbits.
[table=orange]
¡ü??¡ì?¦Õ¦¸?
[/table]
[table=green]
??¡ð?¡Ì
[/table]
Tyche: ¡°Shh! I¡¯m hunting wabbi- rabbits¡ Can¡¯t you guys use emoticons or something? Maybe talk? Telepathy? Empathic transfer?¡±
I take out the tablet, and show them some emoticons. They may be too young to verbally speak, or read and write, but I will teach them some way to communicate!
[table=orange]
:cry: :sick: :cry:
[/table]
[table=green]
:cry: :sick: :cry:
[/table]
??? The hell does that mean? Does this mean the system is limited with emoticons? Let¡¯s see if feeding them works¡ I stick my fingers in the fanny pack and channel mana into the babies who start nibbling on my fingers. My Cherokee heritage isn¡¯t working, so let¡¯s try searching the ground¡¯s mana for rabbit holes?
Tyche: ¡°Hey! No Biting!¡±
[table=orange]
:angel:
[/table]
[table=green]
:angel:
[/table]
Yep, I¡¯m going to string Artemis up from the ceiling in turtle shell bondage for her naming sense. I¡¯m already getting a headache from all the future troubles these two will get into¡ Oh! I can sense rabbit holes that way! I run off towards the rabbit hole, finding the area drenched in dried blood with tufts of fur everywhere. What happened here? I channel ki to my eyes and ears to enhance my perception to search, and can faintly hear muffled cries from the rabbit hole. I raise the earth covering the hole to uncover four¡ two starving rabbits. Not wanting to give the babies dead bunnies, I consult the internet. I find that goat milk is what I should feed them! I can finally get rid of that crap! I remove my hand from the fanny-pack, and bring out a glass bottle of goat milk and a rag from the inventory and prepare to feed them, when I remember that I forgot to close the fanny pack. Ugh¡ I look down to see two baby fairies complete with rabbit ears and tail hugging a bunny each¡ Looks like they discovered their racials¡ Welp, can¡¯t hide it now¡ Selene is going to give me a lot of shit for this¡
My task complete, I head back to the cabin to fetch the Ero Demon. On my way there, I cross paths with a group of people bragging to each other. Wait, isn¡¯t this private property?
Person 1: ¡°I¡¯m level four now! What are you guys at?¡±
Person 2: ¡°Still level three¡¡±
Person 3: ¡°Five¡¡±
[table=orange]
:@ :@ :@
[/table]
[table=green]
:@ :@ :@
[/table]
Ugh¡ Normally, I would be able to use denial, but the ears and tail make it so you can¡¯t say no! This is cheating I say!
Person 1: ¡°Hey! She has some bunnies and two weird pets!¡±
Person 2: ¡°Give us the animals, and we¡¯ll let you live!¡±
Person 3: ¡°Three of us¡ One of you¡¡±
Awww~ How adorable! They think they¡¯re a threat. I lift my hand up, and start shooting lightning bolts at the lowest output I can, accidentally killing Noob #3.
Tyche: ¡°Oops! Didn¡¯t mean to kill that one, stupid asshole noobs¡¡±
Person 1: ¡°HEY! Why isn¡¯t she redmarked? She¡¯s a player right? She called us noobs and killed¡ AAAHHHHH-!¡±
Cutting the scene short, I open a pit below them with earth manipulation, fill it with water, and cover it back up with earth. Wait¡ Couldn¡¯t they still logout?
Tyche: ¡°Kyaaa trespassers./¡±
Oh, it worked! If caught trespassing on private property, you are stuck in combat until you die or leave said property. Have fun waiting to drown suckers, I hear the body always fights to live.
[table=orange]
:D :D :D
[/table]
[table=green]
:D :D :D
[/table]
Fairies appeased, I teleport to the crate, and teleport it back with me to the palace.
---
Odin Royal Palace
As soon as I land, I open the crate with an air blade. Ignoring the protesting Grandmother, I leave to find Selene¡ This is going to suck¡. Along the way, I find Coraline¡ Caroline? Fucking twin names¡ Anyway, I found one of them, and asked them to follow me to Charlotte¡¯s apartment. Ah! I can preempt Selene! Once we enter the door, I give a shout.
Tyche: ¡°Selene, I need you for something! ARTEMIS, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!¡±
Selen: ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hold on, need to apprehend the suspect before she gets away¡¡±
I grab Artemis by the head with two fingers. Man, I haven¡¯t did this in a while, those two have been on their best behavior lately¡
Tyche: ¡°This¡ Criminal may have killed your children! Stupid naming sense! This happened!¡±
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
I open the fanny pack, and withdraw the bunnies and bunny fairies. They are sleeping, snuggled up with each other. Don¡¯t look too closely Tyche, you don¡¯t want to overdose on d¡¯awwww!
Selene: ¡°Why do they have ears and a tail?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Some idiot named them, and they turned into Trickster Fairies¡ And then they broke out of the hamster cage and bathed in my blood enamel, evolving into Chimeric Trickster Fairies¡ Shapeshifting Trickster Fairies! Artemis, they may have become unstoppable¡¡±
Artemis: (sweating) ¡°...¡±
[table=orange]
:angel:
[/table]
[table=green]
:angel:
[/table]
Selene: ¡°What was that?¡±
Tyche: ¡°I showed them emoticons. I became tired of having to decipher the gibberish they were spraying when they were cold, hungry, bored, lonely, etc¡¡±
Selene: ¡°What are those rabbits doing here?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh, they are presents for the newborns when they decide to arrive¡ Introduce yourselves to Pepper and Clover! I rescued them from star-¡±
Everyone in the room is blinded by a flash of white light. When it fades, there are two naked baby Bunnykin girls with a fairy on top of each of them¡ What? COME ON SYSTEM! I CAN¡¯T GIVE THE KIDS BABIES! THAT¡¯S SLAVERY! I have to get new presents for them¡
Congratulations! Pepper and Clover have evolved into Bunnykin through granting them a name and self-awareness.
Oh! Friends! I introduced them to their first friend! HA! Not slavery, FRIENDSHIP! My thoughts of victory are interrupted by Artemis.
Artemis: ¡°Why am I getting yelled at for bad names, when she just evolved two rabbits¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Did I give them any supernatural powers of trickery that may get them killed one day?¡±
Selene: ¡°One could argue that she did them a favor¡ Humanoids live longer than rabbits¡¡±
I turn to the Maid¡ How should I address her? I hate it when parents give identical twins similar names¡ Oh!
Tyche: ¡°Could you and your sister find another two cribs for Clover and Pepper?¡±
Coraline: ¡°Still can¡¯t tell us apart? I¡¯m Caroline¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Liar¡¡±
Coraline: ¡°How?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Where I come from, twins pull that crap all the time¡ Keep pulling it with me, and you two will both be called CoCa.¡±
Charlotte: *shrieking*
Tyche: ¡°Excuse me¡ It¡¯s time. Chase off any medics, healers, or the like if they appear¡ No barbaric healers are going to endanger my nieces or nephews¡¡±
As I enter Charlotte¡¯s room, something starts to irk me¡ Am I really their Aunt? Aren¡¯t I something weird like their Aunt-Grandpa-Stepmom? Ugh, I don¡¯t know what hurts my head more in this situation, the incest or the circumstance¡ As I walk over to Charlotte, I grab Midas by the scruff of the neck and drag him with me.
Tyche: ¡°Hi, I¡¯m Tyche, I¡¯ll be delivering your kids today.¡±
Charlotte: ¡°The hell you are! I want the Palace Doctors!¡±
Tyche: ¡°You want those barbaric idiots? I bet they want to bleed you, or even worse - stick leeches on you!¡±
The door burst open revealing an old man with white hair in a gray robe.
Old Man: ¡°Out of the way, Palace Doctor is here! Let me find my lancet, bleeding is good for everything¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°See what I mean? Why do you even have mundane healers when this world is filled with goddamned magic? And you! You aren¡¯t getting anywhere near my potential nieces or nephews with that lancet!¡±
Old Man: ¡°Leeches then? They suck the sickness out!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yes, let¡¯s load her up with blood thinners, so that if something goes wrong, her blood won¡¯t clot¡ Sarah! If he doesn¡¯t get out of the room in ten seconds, aim for the hands. He can¡¯t kill patients if he doesn¡¯t have hands..¡±
Sarah: ¡°Right away Tyche!¡± *pops out pistol*
While the old man runs away, I take out a bottle from the inventory and uncap it. I look to the left, clear. I look to the right, clear. No signs of witnesses, or witnesses that won¡¯t rat on me, I lock the door so I can begin my plan.
Charlotte: ¡°You can¡¯t do this, you haven¡¯t done it before!¡±
Tyche: ¡°True, but I did vaguely skim through an instructable about it on the internet¡ Anyway, does this smell like chloroform?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°See! You know nothing¡ about¡ this....¡± *snoring*
Tyche: ¡°Sarah, strip her. Midas, pick her up when she¡¯s done.¡±
I take a plastic sheet, a sterile knife, ki talismans and a pile of blankets from the inventory. After Midas picks her up, I throw the sheet over the bed, and Midas places her on top of it. I hand two talismans featuring (surgery) and (sleep) on them to midas. (Surgery) won¡¯t allow her to die from me doing what I¡¯m about to do, while the other is self-explanatory. Midas places them on Charlotte¡¯s shoulders and activates them. I take the knife, and start giving her a cesarean. Muahahahahahahaha! She will definitely love me later when she finds out all the pain I saved her! Scooping out the two healthy baby boys from her, I have midas cut the cords and wrap them in a towel. This looks like a placenta right? Let¡¯s scoop that out too¡ Finished, I close the cut with healing energy, leaving her good as new. I lead Midas over to a basin of water and we wash the boys, and rewrap them in clean blankets. We do the same for Charlotte while Sarah bundles up the evidence. Midas begins stuffing the evidence into the inventory as Sarah redresses Charlotte in something more appropriate, while I hold my new nephews. It just hit me that I may have brought them fiances or something weird¡ As I¡¯m about to wake up Charlotte, an unknown witness interrupts me¡ Damned Mousekin being so short¡
Lilian: ¡°That was interesting¡ You did kind of cheat her of all the pain¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°I didn¡¯t ¡®cheat¡¯ her of anything! I SAVED her from it!¡±
Lilian: ¡°But. But. But. I had to go through it twice, and the only thing that I found comfort in was that she would too¡¡±
I activate [Denial], and wake up the Charlotte. After a drowsy minute, she begins the assault of questions.
Charlotte: ¡°business! Huh? What happened? Prepared to consult a real medical professional?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope, it¡¯s done! See, I¡¯m holding your sons right here! We had to literally cut you open to get them out! There was blood EVERYWHERE!¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Gimme! And don¡¯t lie to me, the room is spotless¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Okay, maybe I was exaggerating about there being blood everywhere, but there was blood involved¡¡±
See? The truth always works! It gets you out of all sorts of trouble! I hand her the boys, and excuse myself for a second to grab the girls¡ I pick up Clover, Pepper, Frick and Frack, and reenter the room, depositing them next to the nephews.
Charlotte: ¡°What¡¯s with this?¡±
Tyche: ¡°They were originally going to be a present for the boys when they were born, but they evolved into Bunnykin when I named them¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Stop lying!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Fine, they hatched this morning. They are what happens when you have a drunken gangbang with a dozen male Bunnykin¡¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Why does that version make the first one sound like the truth?¡±
Selene: ¡°Because it is? I watched it happen.¡±
Selene defended me? I should reward her somehow¡ Anywho~ you guys should go, this is going to get pretty boring. Me fetching the family, coming up with a name, inspecting the babies. Making sure they have all their fingers, toes, tentacles and whatnot...
---
Author¡¯s Notes: I was originally going to have a sequence of Tyche naming a dozen Rabbits with them turning into Bunnykin, but I scrapped that for two. Decided to make it a dig at how players usually upset ecosystems when they grind for levels. Oh, and before anyone asks, Grandmother is really the Guide, but what we see is an AI most of the time. The AI is pretty screwed up due to it not fully understanding the Guide. The whole ¡°you can¡¯t understand a god¡± thing...
Next Chapter: Player Trolling. Fixing the ecosystem. The stats.
Chapter 22 - Rat Race
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Name> = Phone/email/IM
---
Charlotte¡¯s Apartment
Hello there, welcome to Mopefest... Yep, I¡¯m the host of Mopefest today! I was absentmindedly poking around the UI, and discovered that you can ¡°lock in¡± cosplays, which enables the stat growth on level up¡ All this time, we went around without stats. Ugh, it hurts my brainbox just thinking about it! We only get half a point for each cosplay¡¯s stat specialty, but since there is Midas involved too, it evens things out. We also discovered in the nine months you guys didn¡¯t check in, that every fifty levels allows you to gain fifty points in the ¡°manual¡± way. It really annoyed me when we were stuck at 50 for each stat while Sarah was shooting above us in others¡ The stats were ¡°saved¡± in a pool, so we didn¡¯t lose any, and they change whenever we switch cosplays.
On the home front, the whole family is pleased with the twins! They were named Jack and Charlie, thank the Goddesses¡ At least you can tell them apart! Charlie has a cat tail with mouse ears, while Jack has cat ears with a mouse tail! Weirdly, they aren¡¯t Chimeras like Midas¡ I¡¯m not complaining though, that would really complicate things with the throne situation if their race was found out and the people didn¡¯t like it¡
In front of me Midas is trying to figure out his third Cosplay slot. There are miscellaneous clothing pieces scattered everywhere.
Tyche: ¡°I still think you should go for something tanky, or melee related as our vanguard needs people.¡±
Midas: ¡°I can still do that with Samurai and Street Fighter! I want to blast things with magic!¡±
Tyche: ¡°You don¡¯t need a cosplay for that¡ How about Paladin, or Arcane Knight?¡±
Midas: ¡°Nope! You¡¯re a wizard Midas!¡±
He slaps a wizard¡¯s hat on top of his head to compliment the wand he has stuck in his belt. Ugh, our vanguard position is still empty! Meh, we can always find someone else to do it¡ Every mode I have is geared towards damage or healing¡
Incompatible Cosplay Detected!
Class:
Wizard
Stat Growth:
Int/Wis
Wizards are masters of the arcane who forsake worldly desires for their quest for power and knowledge.
Requirements:
Virginity (lost)
30 years old (not met)
Basement Dwelling (none owned)
Midas: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°Pffffft! SEE HOW IT FEELS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!¡±
Midas: ¡°STUPID! *rips off hat* ¡°FUCKING!¡± *starts ripping hat to shreds* ¡°SYSTEM!¡± *sets pieces on fire with fire attribute ki*
See ya later Mopefest! I have to get out of here! I haven¡¯t laughed this hard since I pissed myself during the first potty training¡
---
Odin Plaza
Female: ¡°Buying furs and skins, rabbit for 10 copper, wolf for 50! Anything else, make offer!¡±
Male: ¡°Selling iron ore! Make your offer!¡±
The hell is up with this? Ignoring the situation, I head to a bar known for Minstrels, as it''s nice to have background music while I¡¯m working. As I enter the bar, I am greeted by music and loud groans from the listeners. I head over to my ¡°office¡± which is a private booth all Minstrels get in their home bar.
?Never gonna give you up?
?Never gonna let you down?
?Never gonna run around and desert you?
People: *GROAN*
Male 1: ¡°I can¡¯t take it anymore! BLRGHGHGHGH¡±
Male 2: ¡°We have to get out of here!¡±
Male 3: ¡°We have to stay! If we leave, the mission fails!¡±
Female: ¡°I don¡¯t see what the issue is, this song is catchy!¡±
The players are here? I open up the calendar in my UI to see why I didn¡¯t get the dozens of alerts I set up for this¡ Oh¡ I disabled them for being annoying¡ Tyche Rule #3: Always shift the blame! I whip out a mini tablet and call Woodhouse.
Tyche> ¡°The players are here? Why didn¡¯t you alert me to this!¡±
Woodhouse> ¡°I will quote you directly on this Mistress ¡®You don¡¯t have to remind me about that, because I have dozens of alerts set up for this. Wouldn¡¯t want to get annoying about it, right?¡¯ And that¡¯s why I didn¡¯t tell you anything.¡±
Tyche> ¡°Woodhouse, I lie and forget about things all the time, do you have it in writing or something?¡±
Woodhouse> ¡°As a matter of fact, I do.¡± *plays audio recording*
Tyche> ¡°... Do you record everything that I say?¡±
Woodhouse> ¡°Indeed, something I learned in the Army. CYA: Cover Your Ass.¡±
Tyche> ¡°Weren¡¯t you a spy? Wouldn¡¯t that be harmful to you?¡±
Woodhouse> ¡°Blackmail is always useful Mistress.¡±
Ughghghghgh! He thinks he¡¯s safe and smarter than me? Heh, silly peasant. I hang up and call Candy.
Tyche> ¡°Mrs. Woodhouse! Woodhouse is being mean to me! He knows that I am forgetful, and then he¡¯s being a smartass about it! Punish the infidel!¡±
Candy> ¡°Right away sweetie. Watch your language dear. Sand, or throw his clothes out the window?¡±
Tyche> ¡°Meh. Being mean warrants the sand, and then being a smartass about it requires the clothes. BOTH!¡±
Candy> ¡°Watch your language dear. I won¡¯t do anything until you apologise¡¡±
Tyche> ¡°... I¡¯m not apologising for being me¡¡±
Candy> ¡°I¡¯ll wait here then¡¡±
Tyche> ¡°...¡±
Candy> ¡°I can literally wait here all day, my paycheck guarantees that.¡±
Tyche> ¡°Ugh! Fine Moooooom! ...I¡¯m sorry¡¡±
Candy> ¡°There you go sweetie. Was that so hard?¡±
Tyche> ¡°...Yes¡ My soul is crying in pain right now¡¡±
Candy> ¡°Don¡¯t be such a baby about it. I¡¯ll be right back.¡±
Woodhouse> (background) ¡°AHHH! WHHHYYYYY?!¡±
Candy> ¡°That¡¯s for being mean to our daughter! Is that all dear?¡±
Tyche> ¡°Yep! Thanks Mom!¡±
I hang up and put the mini tablet away. Yeah, about the whole ¡°daughter¡± thing, Candy can¡¯t have kids anymore between the cancer and all of the treatments so the Woodhouses adopted Midas and I in the real world. Still don¡¯t know how it¡¯s legal to adopt an AI, but there are laws that allow it¡ My lunch arrives which is grilled rabbit haunch... Thinking on Clover and Pepper, should I even be eating this? Oh! I should probably do something to prevent the Players from destroying the ecosystem¡ I open up a project window and get to work. Once I finish a rough outline and roughing out the details, I email it to the company coders. Yep, I have evolved over nine months! I give the coders a rough project outline, and they do the work. I give the result a once-over and if it passes muster, I let it go live. I look down and see that I absentmindedly ate the rabbit haunch while I worked. Oops? I should probably brush my teeth before I go home, wouldn¡¯t want the girls to be scared of me¡ I put the tablet away, and pick up my harp and scepter as I get up and notice a group of people in front of my table¡
Male Player 1: ¡°M-M-Magical girl!¡±
Male Player 2: ¡°Moe¡¡±
Male Player 3: ¡°It¡¯s Tomoe!¡±
Female Player: ¡°Your eyes are broken! Tomoe has muskets while she clearly has a scepter¡¡±
While they are arguing, I make myself invisible with illusion magic, and teleport back home. Illusion magic was the result of getting the [Shadow Attribute] from acquisition. Shadow, Light, and Darkness fused together to make illusion. I can still use each of the originals like Elemental Attribute, but I can also use their fusions too. I should probably show you guys the stats, one of you do it please. ¡ Oh yeah, new babies for everyone¡ Let¡¯s kidnap one and leave to watch the players. I use body manipulation to become child size, and look for Selene. I enter their ¡°room¡± to find them being hugged by Clover and Pepper, with Frick and Frack hugging them.
Tyche: ¡°Wanna come with me and screw with the players?¡±
Selene: ¡°Please! They are unstoppable!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hold on, I got this!¡±
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
I grab Artemis, Pepper, Clover, Frick and Frack and place them in a larger hamster cage. I use nature magic to fuse the lid and the top together, so they have no chances of getting out.
Selene: ¡°Isn¡¯t that a little¡ abusive?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nah, I left Mommy #2 in with them. Plus, they can¡¯t escape this way, or get into any trouble. Also, stats please! Sarah¡¯s too!¡±
Status
Level:
40
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
2810
Mana/Psy:
2820
Ki:
5090
Stamina
3610
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Princess of Chimeras
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Prince of Chimeras
Physical
Agility:
90
Strength:
70
Defensive
Constitution:
70
Endurance:
90
Mental
Intellect:
70
Wisdom:
70
Other
Dexterity:
70
Perception:
70
Spirit:
125
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Spatial:
100%
Nature:
65%
Illusion:
50%
Elemental:
50%
Status
Name:
Sarah
Race:
Human
Class:
Marksman
Level:
40
Titles:
Self-Proclaimed Maid
Masochist
Shame Glutton
Female
HP:
2010
Mana:
2020
Ki:
3090
Stamina:
2010
Physical
Agility:
90
Strength:
50
Defensive
Constitution:
50
Endurance:
50
Mental
Intellect:
50
Wisdom:
50
Other
Dexterity:
90
Perception:
90
Spirit:
75
Luck:
16
Affinities:
Elemental:
15%
---
---
Before you start complaining about our growth in the last nine months, first: screw you, second: we had lots of work to do, and third: I already told you about the manual stat cap. We capped out stat growth a month in, and it took Sarah four months with the use of [Stat Growth Scrolls], they give you a double growth speed for a duration of 24 hours. Anyway, I activate [Dandere Mode], my invisibility magic, and teleport to the plaza.
Once there, I step into an alley and release the invisibility. I hit a conundrum here¡ Where do I put Selene? No drills, and I¡¯m child size right now, so I can¡¯t stuff her in my top¡ Ha! I take out the Frick and Frack¡¯s fanny pack and wear that! Selene eyes it warily until I point out the plastic window on it with a privacy coating on the other side. She hops in and I close it without binding it, and walk out of the alley where I was swiftly captured. Right as I was about to lift my phaser, I notice that it¡¯s a girl and a boy that captured me.
Female: ¡°Kyaaaaa! She¡¯s so adorable!¡±
Male: ¡°Put it down, we can¡¯t keep every animal you find¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°No/.¡±
Male: ¡°Oh, a talking animal? This I have to see.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hi/.¡±
Male: ¡°Hannah, you can¡¯t kidnap a girl just because she¡¯s adorable¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°But. But. But! Look Jake!¡± *holds up Tyche*
Jake: ¡°Where did she take you from little one? Did she hurt you at all?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Alley./¡± *points* ¡°No./¡±
Jake: ¡°Dammit Hannah, just because you are experiencing something other than the immersive reality, doesn¡¯t mean that you have to grab everything¡¡±
Immersive reality? Wow, that takes me back, at least four years back? I can barely remember outside at all since it was so boring¡ Wait, how do they know each other from immersive reality? I didn¡¯t know they networked it together¡ So many opportunities lost! Meh, I was too drugged up to care anyway¡ Meh, immersive reality means they don¡¯t have to log out! Let¡¯s see if they will join us, Jake looks like a tank with that shield on his back¡
---
Minstrel Bar - Three hours later
I¡¯m sitting on Hannah¡¯s lap in my private booth, she is feeding me. Damnit, why can¡¯t I resist? Stop feeding me rabbit! I can feel my stocks with Clover and Pepper plunging!
Hannah: ¡°Say ahh~!¡±
Tyche: ¡°St-¡± *chomp*
Hannah: ¡°So cute~!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Please st-¡± *chomp*
Oh, a message from the coders! I give what they sent the old once over, fix a syntax error, and find it to be what I want, so I set it to live.
The Goddess of Nature approves of your actions!
+10% Nature Affinity
Muahahahahahahaha! Monsters spawn randomly in the wild now, and animals and other creatures without self-awareness respawn! I solved the ecosystem being ruined by the players! Also, there¡¯s some weird stuff with nature affinity involved. You have to follow hunt law when killing animals. Kill what you need, and nothing more. Harvest everything you can, leaving almost none to waste. Overhunting, wanton slaughter with no purpose can now reduce your Nature Affinity! Lower affinity means you become Nature¡¯s enemy, where animals will hunt you down, plants will block your way or trip you, etc. As I¡¯m reveling in the moment, I almost choke on some food stuck in my mouth. After spitting the food out, I get mad enough to break [Dandere Mode].
Tyche: ¡°Will you stop that? Dammit, ugh! Rabbit too! Do you know how much my semi adopted rabbits will hate me for if they ever find out?¡±
Hannah: ¡°...¡±
Jake: ¡°And now you pissed her off! Told you so!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Don¡¯t get me started, you didn¡¯t try to stop her either!¡±
Jake: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°What classes are you two anyway?¡±
Hannah: ¡°Druid¡¡±
Jake: ¡°Paladin¡ Wait, I thought you were an NPC, and why did you hair change?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Magic? Anyway, come with me, I have a proposition for you two¡¡±
I leave some silver on the table of the booth, and teleport us to Charlotte¡¯s apartment, finding Charlotte resting her feet on the back of a bikini clad Sarah on all fours. Jake freezes while Hannah covers his eyes from behind¡ They¡¯re a couple, aren¡¯t they?
Hannah: ¡°Don¡¯t look!¡±
Jake: ¡°Why?¡±
Hannah: ¡°Because she¡¯s almost naked?¡±
Jake: ¡°No, she isn¡¯t?¡±
Hannah: "Stop lying, she''s totally almost naked!"
Jake: ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were such a prude, she only has a top that is a little low cut and you make a big deal about it¡ She¡¯s the freaking crown princess, she can wear what she wants¡¡±
Hannah/Tyche: ¡°Wait, what?¡±
OH! He didn¡¯t notice Sarah¡ So he knows who Charlotte is, and froze because of it¡ Well, that¡¯s disappointing¡ Hannah walks in front of Sarah¡¯s face and bows to her.
Hannah: ¡°I¡¯m sorry Your Highness, please excuse my disrespect¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°No problem, if you really want to make it up for me, can you scratch me nose? It itches like a bastard¡¡±
And the moment is back! Charlotte just got up and ran out of the room into the bathroom, trying not to laugh¡ I fall down in convulsive laughter, reverting back to my original size.
Tyche: ¡°Pfffft! HAHAHA! That¡¯s my Maid! The one that ran off just now was the Princess trying not to piss herself in laughter!¡±
---
Author¡¯s Notes: I¡¯ve been waiting to use that wizard joke for a long time already¡ I was totally bored, searching for something to read on RRL, and I searched the top weekly list¡ Imagine how surprised I was when I saw that this is #6¡ To commemorate this, I used most of Tuesday making an Artist¡¯s rendition of Dandere Tyche¡ ¡°Artist¡± is used in the most loosest of ways¡ It¡¯s like 60% my fault, 20% tablet, and 20% stylus for the blame game.
Next Chapter: Trying to get Jake and Hannah to join the party!
Chapter 23 - Party for the Party!
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Name> = Phone/email/IM
Our reign as #6 has ended once some of the bigger Authors posted their chapters¡ I knew it had to be a gimmick or something for me to get that high...
Here''s a semi quick full drawing of Tyche... Please excuse the cruddyness of it, I have an el cheapo tablet and stylus... Can''t shade for shit either, so I didn''t bother...
Spoiler :
---
The next day
The hell happened? Why does my head hurt? I slowly look around to avoid making my head hurt. Sarah is tied to a coat rack with donkey tails tacked onto her ass, with a satisfied expression on her face¡ Midas is? I lift the blanket to find him hugging onto my tails. MY HUGGEES! I take the tails away from him¡ In the corner is a crib with a hug pile of babies and fairies, Selene struggling to get out with a hopeful expression on her face once she notices me. I get up and slowly stumble over to help her out. On my way over, I spot a Hannah walking gingerly with a look on her face that clearly blames me¡ What did I do? I need to find the cleansing talismans to get rid of this hangover...
---
Directly after last chapter
Hannah PoV
Tyche: ¡°Pfffft! HAHAHA! That¡¯s my Maid! The one that ran off just now was the Princess trying not to piss herself in laughter!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Even better, at least the princess isn¡¯t a pervert.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope, she¡¯s a huge pervert. Now that I think about it, she just upgraded to MILF status too.¡±
Hannah: ¡°...¡±
Jake: ¡°I can look now right?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yes?¡±
Hannah: ¡°NO!¡±
Tyche sits down on top of the girl kneeling on all fours located on the ground. Give me back my image of a princess! We have to leave now, they will infect Jake with impure thoughts! Tyche reaches down to her fanny pack and takes out something to put into one of her ringlets. Is that a fairy? Fairies aren¡¯t hair accessories!
Tyche: ¡°Ugh, I feel lopsided when there¡¯s only one¡ I had something to ask you¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°NO!¡±
Tyche: ¡°I didn¡¯t even ask yet¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°You probably want to turn me into something like the maid there, and corrupt Jake!¡±
Jake: ¡°Huh?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Huh? Oh! You think I did that to her? I¡¯m going to quote the Bacon Apostle and say she ¡®was born this way.¡¯¡±
Hannah: ¡°What?¡±
Jake: ¡°She¡¯s quoting Lady Gaga. I¡¯m not sure about the Bacon Apostle bit though¡ Oh, the meat dress?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Exactly! Wait, wasn¡¯t your template supposed to be dumb?¡±
Jake: ¡°???¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh, I get it!. Dumb about Hannah¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°Sh-shut up! Don¡¯t tell him that!¡±
Nooooooooo! He will find out! We need to get out of here! I start looking around for an exit plan.
Tyche: ¡°He¡¯ll just forget about it in three¡ two¡ one¡ Forgotten! Anyway, would you guys join our party/group? We kind of need a healer/tank¡ We have been bullshitting things lately, and that isn¡¯t fun at all¡ Where¡¯s the struggle?¡±
Hannah: ¡°Why us? Couldn¡¯t you find someone else?¡±
Tyche: ¡°One: your classes. Two: The immersive reality bit, means you don¡¯t have to log out, and your schedule is pretty much indefinitely open. Three: you two are pretty agreeable when you aren¡¯t going on one of your adorable binges, but everyone has a vice. Mine is blueberries by the way. Four: It¡¯s nice to have people in the group you aren¡¯t in a relationship with¡¡±
How does she know about the immersive reality? This is scary! We have to get out of here now!
Hannah: ¡°How do yo-¡±
Jake: ¡°While you were having cuddlefest, I may have mentioned it¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Ooh! You have to join now! Cherokee blood detected! Here¡¯s your tribal card, mesh that with your license whenever you get a chance.¡±
As I¡¯m about to refute that, a male catkin bursts into the room waving a card.
Midas: ¡°I heard it! You have to join the Navajo Coalition! We have bacon!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nope! Score one for the Cherokee Republic!¡±
Midas: ¡°DAMN IT!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Why are you two saying you are Navajo and Cherokee? Is there a point be-¡±
Tyche: ¡°We interrupt people and talk like we know what they are going to ask or say. That, and it pisses off the Demons.¡±
Hannah: ¡°Isn¡¯t that rac-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Racist? Kind of? But the demons are mad about a war they started and lost. They act like they were persecuted, and try to fight for concessions because of that. The rest of the races just give them a token resistance to get them to shut up¡¡±
Midas: ¡°They¡¯re the North Korea of this game!¡±
Hannah: ¡°They can¡¯t be that bad, can th-¡±
Tyche: ¡°Imagine a religious fanatic tumblrina who perceives racism everywhere...¡±
Jake: *shudders* ¡°I hate them already¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Don¡¯t hate them, pity them¡ And maybe laugh behind their back where they can¡¯t hear you. And accept the damn card!¡±
Jake: ¡°Sorry, can¡¯t see here¡¡±
Selene: ¡°They aren¡¯t all bad! It¡¯s only the ones in the Demon Kingdom you should do that to! The mainland Demons are cool, they left rather than participate in the war¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Ugh, we went off topic¡ What were we talking about? It was important...¡±
Hannah: ¡°How Jake and I were just leaving?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Come on don¡¯t leave, it¡¯s not like we¡¯ll kidnap you and butcher you after having our way with you¡¡±
WHAT! I saw how that movie ended, we have to leave NOW! This isn¡¯t a wholesome place at all! I want a normal life full of adventure, eventually marrying Jake after he proposes and having 2 kids in a house with a white picket fence! I turn around to leave and find Tyche in front of me. She cups my face with one hand, and fondles my rabbit ears with the other.
Tyche: ¡°Foxes eat rabbits you know~.¡±
Hannah: ¡°KYAA!¡±
Jake: ¡°I can see again! *eyepoke* OW!¡±
Oops! I reflexively poked Jake in the eyes there¡ Still, he shouldn¡¯t be trying to sneak a peek at the pervert maid! Look at me only idiot!
Jake: ¡°Stop picking on her!¡±
Selene: ¡°Stop playing around, and get to the point...¡±
Sarah: ¡°Can I get dressed now? The moment is gone¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yeah, go ahead¡ Serious time now: join our party! We need a tank and healer, we can pay in gold and Credits!¡±
Jake: (on the ground) ¡°How much?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hold on lemme check to see how much the Woodhouses make¡¡±
Tyche pulls out a¡ Is that a tablet? Fiddles with it, and taps away at the screen before looking back at us.
Tyche: ¡°The Woodhouses make 70k a year, live in a penthouse, and drive a company car¡ You two are in a hospital somewhere in immersive reality, so 20k in credits, and a practically free ride in game? How were you guys injured? I could theoretically get you two healed too, but it depends on the damage¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°Is that not enough? I can go as high as 25k. Anyway, tell me how you ended up in the hospital!¡±
Jake: ¡°Almost 13 years ago some kid was hit by a truck, knocked off the railing and hit by another truck, we were walking to school when the accident caused the overpass to collapse on top of us.¡±
Tyche: ¡°13 years and he still doesn¡¯t know? What a dense bastard¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Time passes by quickly doesn¡¯t it?¡±
Tyche: ¡°What prefecture?¡±
Jake: ¡°24?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Holy shit! I was that kid¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°You can¡¯t be! It was a boy!¡±
Tyche: ¡°It¡¯s time to feed the kids, it¡¯s story time!¡±
---
Nursery - 2 hours later
Tyche PoV
All of us are sitting in the nursery, feeding the kids in one way or another as Midas and Selene tell the story. I¡¯m feeding Charlie while Sarah feeds Jack next to me, with Charlotte passed out lying across our laps. Childcare must be exhausting, no? Hold on a second.
Tyche: ¡°Traitors!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Will you shut up about that? It¡¯s not our fault that we are Bunnykin like them!¡±
Tyche: ¡°I literally save them from starving to death, feed them, grant them humanoid form, give them clothes to wear, and lots of love and what do they do? They leave me for some level 1 bunnykin couple¡¡±
This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.Hannah: ¡°Stop overreacting! They have only been here for a day! I didn¡¯t plan this¡ Couple?... OW!¡±
[table=yellow]
:angel:
[/table]
MUHAHAHAHAHAHA DEFEND ME MY FAIRY GODCHILDREN! Anyway~ Hannah and Jack are feeding a rabbitkin and fairy baby each. When they join us, this shall be their chore, it will let them get used to using their mana. Ugh, hurry up with the story! This gets boring the umpteenth time! Blah blah blah, yada yada yada. Awwww, you skipped the sex scenes! Boo! Don¡¯t glare at me fairy! Ah, they finished!
Tyche: ¡°Now that that is over, join us!¡±
Jake: ¡°I¡¯m in, what could go wrong?¡±
Hannah: ¡°Everything?¡±
Jake: ¡°Come on, don¡¯t be like that, they are practically paying us to play the game¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yeah! Don¡¯t be that guy Hannah!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Fine¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Group invite Hannah and Jake!¡±
I get a confirmation window stating that they have joined the group! Tank and Healer: get! Let¡¯s see¡ Midas and I take up one party slot because of [Twin-Soul], Sarah takes up another, and Jack and Hannah take up two¡ One left!
Tyche: ¡°Fairies! Giive everyone the stats!¡±
Status
Name:
Jake
Race:
Bunnykin
Class:
Paladin
Level:
1
Titles:
Male
HP:
12
Mana:
21.5
---
---
Stamina:
11.5
Physical
Agility:
1
Strength:
2
Defensive
Constitution:
2
Endurance:
1
Mental
Intellect:
1.5
Wisdom:
1.5
Other
Dexterity:
1
Perception:
1
Spirit:
2
Luck:
30
Affinities:
---
---
---
---
Status
Name:
Sarah
Race:
Bunnykin
Class:
Druid
Level:
1
Titles:
Female
HP:
11
Mana:
21.5
---
---
Stamina:
11.5
Physical
Agility:
2
Strength:
1
Defensive
Constitution:
1
Endurance:
1.5
Mental
Intellect:
1.5
Wisdom:
1.5
Other
Dexterity:
1
Perception:
1.5
Spirit:
2
Luck:
5
Affinities:
---
---
---
---
They really are level 1¡ And I can¡¯t really ask what they did all day, because they were dragging me around, and then ended up here¡ Lots of training tomorrow!
Hannah: ¡°You didn¡¯t tell us you three were level 40!¡±
Tyche: ¡°And that¡¯s important because?¡±
Hannah: ¡°OF COURSE IT¡¯S IMPORTANT!¡±
Jake: ¡°Calm down Hannah¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°It will take forever to catch up with you three¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°You are forgetting something! For two weeks after release, there is 100% bonus XP for levels and stats! And then have you ever heard the term ¡®Wallet Warrior¡¯?¡±
Jake: ¡°See? She has it all planned out!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Then why does it sound like she just pulled that plan out of her ass?¡±
As I was playing in the UI to upgrade their accounts to the collector¡¯s edition, which gives a permanent xp bonus, starter gear, and other cool stuff she makes that comment. What? It¡¯s true right? That¡¯s my method¡ Now that everything is complete, let¡¯s do ¡°that¡±!
Tyche: ¡°We have to stop by the guild tomorrow to pick up your licenses and Collector¡¯s Edition crap. Now that that is out of the way, let¡¯s party!¡±
I break out a keg of Dwarven Ale, Human Moonshine, Elven wine, and a few other choice in-game liquors. I also break out mugs, food, and other party necessities. Last, I break out the game system I have been working on!
Jake: ¡°Is that a game system?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Who¡¯s asking? I didn¡¯t break any piracy laws or anything¡¡±
Midas: ¡°ARRRRRRRR!¡±
Jake: ¡°Ooh! Roar of Obligation! Dibs on the sniper rifle!¡±
Tyche: ¡°tch! Fine, I call-¡±
Midas: ¡°Dibs on the shotgun!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Damnit¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°I¡¯ll take the assault rifle.¡±
Hannah: ¡°Pistol¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Fuck you guys, I¡¯ll hold the flashlight and the whistle¡¡±
Artemis: ¡°I want the whistle!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Selene, can you be command? You¡¯re super good at it!¡±
Selene: ¡°You have to call me Overlord or no deal!¡±
Everyone: ¡°Fine!¡±
We continue to drink and play for three hours, winning the whole time. I had to eventually swap my flashlight for Artemis¡¯ whistle due to her being annoying with it¡ Charlotte woke up and confiscated the game system, so we moved to party games.
Pin the tail on the Maid was a raging success! It was fun for everyone, even Sarah who came three times from the game, and one from just mentioning the game! Well, except for Jake¡ Every time it was his turn, he was punched in the back of the head by an angry Hannah. Beer pong was as it always is: fun, but boring to describe. Eventually, we moved to the best topic of the night: Truth or Dare.
Hannah: ¡°Sharah: Truth or Dare?¡±
Sarah: (still tied to the coat rack) ¡°Truth!¡±
Hannah: ¡°How didz shou get shem sho big?¡±
Sarah: ¡°What so big?¡±
Tyche: ¡°She means your tits, she wants pointers on ¡®growing¡¯...¡±
Hannah: ¡°Sh-shuh up! Don¡¯t shay I¡¯m flat!¡±
Midas: ¡°Nobody said anything about that, stop being such a tsundere about it¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°Oh! Well, we always had steak and kidney pies when I was growing up¡¡±
Urk! Don¡¯t think too deeply on that¡ Don¡¯t want to waste the expensive booze¡ Sarah looks in my direction. I hope this is going to be good¡
Sarah: ¡°Tyche: Truth or Dare?¡±
Tyche: ¡°YOLO¡ Wait, game world¡ Dammit, that phrase is ruined for us¡. Fuck it, DARE ME UP BEOTCH!¡±
Sarah: ¡°I dare you to spank me!¡±
Tyche: ¡°That¡¯s it?¡±
I get up, switch to [Tsundere Mode] and begin wailing on her ass with the harisen. Easy-peasy! Hmmm.... I should pick on Hannah, but how? Let¡¯s set them up as a couple, because the sheer awkwardness of their relationship makes my teeth itch¡ Wordplay should do it.
Tyche: ¡°Hannah: Truth or Double-Dare!¡±
Hannah: ¡°DOUBLE...DARE MES! Wait¡ What?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Too late!¡± (whispering in her ear) ¡°I want you to confess, and kiss Jake.¡±
Hannah: ¡°Thatshit? EASHY!¡±
She then proceeds to get up, and drunkenly make out with Jake¡¯s nose¡ Eww, don¡¯t use the wiggling dragon tongue technique! Hopefully he keeps the caves clear of bats¡
Hannah: ¡°I ...LOVE¡ YOU!¡± *runs out of the room*
Sarah: ¡°I can¡¯t see, facing the wrong way. What happened?¡±
Midas: ¡°Ah, she ran.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Totally ran.¡±
Jake is frozen on the spot. He has a look on his face that is a mixture of confusion and his dreams coming true. After a few minutes of awkwardly staring at him, he seems to wake up.
Jake: ¡°What do I do?¡±
Charlotte: ¡°Don¡¯t you love her?¡±
Jake: ¡°Yes, but what if I screw it up?¡±
Tyche: *barfs* ¡°Sorry, dunno if it¡¯s the situation, or if I drank too much¡ Just go in there, kiss her, tell her you love her, and then stick it in her pooter if she lets you!¡±
Jake: ¡°Y-yes!¡±
Jake runs out of the room to wherever Hannah is hiding¡ That was totally smooth as fuck! As I was patting myself on the back, I was interrupted by Charlotte.
Charlotte: ¡°Doesn¡¯t pooter mean ass?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh¡ I forgot¡ Come on now! He¡¯s too dense to know what that means!¡±
Midas: ¡°You forget that he¡¯s only dense when it comes to her¡ The fate of her assginity is on your hands¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Shit¡ Oops?¡±
---
Author¡¯s Notes: When I described the Demons, I used like two paragraphs. And then my friend came in and told me that I described Tumblrinas¡ Thirty seconds after reading it and running away screaming, I swiped the paragraph out for what it is now¡
I also noticed that the sketchbook program I use has a smooth pen tool, so I decided to draw Intellect Form Tyche. It¡¯s my avatar now. Too bad I suck at shading, because that¡¯s how it¡¯s staying.
Next Chapter: Training montage + Real world check in. Hannah duckwalking.
Chapter 24 - Struggling Fairy, Duckwalking Rabbit
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Name> = Phone/email/IM
Here¡¯s a redo of the Tyche drawing from last chapter¡ I fixed some of the lines, and remembered about the tails¡
Spoiler :
---
The next morning
As I was stumbling towards Selene to help her out, I was trying to remember where I left my cleansing talismans. I should turn my big three (heal, cleanse, and barrier) to rings or something¡ Halfway to Selene, I spot a duckwalking Hannah shuffling gingerly. She soon spots me as I¡¯m only a few steps away from Selene.
Hannah: ¡°YOU!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hi¡ Keep it down¡ Hangover¡
Hannah: ¡°YOU!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Me.¡±
Hannah: ¡°YOU!¡±
Artemis: (muffled from hug pile) ¡°Artemis!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Calm down, and use your words. Preferably in a quiet, reasonable indoor voice. The hangover, remember?¡±
Hannah: ¡°It¡¯s because of you that my¡ my¡.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Thanks for the inside voice¡ Can you at least refresh my memory of what was because of me? Hangover remember? Where the hell did I leave my talismans? I quit¡ Experiment time¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°HEY! I¡¯m not done with you!¡±
Tyche: ¡°SHH!¡±
I pop a claw on my left hand, and prick my right pointer finger. I start drawing the talisman for cleanse on my stomach in blood. It doesn¡¯t work without the blood, so why is the ink even needed? Preservation? Because secrecy, that¡¯s why¡ Everything is a goddamned conspiracy! I activate it, and feel my head clearing up. Ahhh~ that feels better! I grab Hannah¡¯s hand and do the same for her, and then draw the talisman for healing on her other hand. As I get ready to activate it, I start to remember last night and pause.
Tyche: ¡°So¡ How far did you two get last night?¡±
She looks away and starts blushing. Awww~ how cute!
Hannah: ¡°He¡ He¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Confessed?¡±
Hannah: ¡°Yes¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°How far did it go? All the way?¡±
Hannah: (blushing more) ¡°Yes¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh, then I won¡¯t use the healing talisman¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°No¡ Use it¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Don¡¯t think you want that, not unless you want to be a virgin again¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°... Still a¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Sorry, didn¡¯t catch that¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°...virgin¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Bummer¡¡±
Hannah flinches at the mention of the word¡ No, he didn¡¯t¡ He did, didn¡¯t he? At least he only has 1.5 endurance¡ Let¡¯s file this under ¡°drunken advice that didn¡¯t work out¡±... I activate the healing blood drawing on her, and go to rescue Selene.
Hannah: ¡°Wait! I¡¯m not done with you yet!¡±
Tyche: ¡°But I am, I have to rescue Selene, wake up everyone, cleanse people, etc. Thank me later!¡±
Hannah: ¡°For what? A sore butt?¡± *blushes*
Tyche: ¡°No, for setting you up with the dense idiot. Not my fault there was instructions lost in translation¡ Anywho~ I have people to wake up and cure¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°Wait! Why does it still hurt?¡±
Tyche: ¡°It healed the bruising, but not the soreness. After I¡¯m done here, we¡¯re going to the hot spring. Okay, stop distracting me, I have to go now, lots of crap to do today. Oh, is the idiot presentable? Meh, go make sure he¡¯s presentable, and I¡¯ll stop by him last¡ Later~!¡±
I make it over to Selene and extract her from the hug pile and insert her into a drill. I make my way around the apartment, cleansing every person I find until I get to Sarah. As I walk up to her, I notice my talismans sticking out of an apron pocket¡ Oh, that¡¯s right! I gave them to her to hold on to, to prevent me from losing them in the morning¡ Like I just did¡ Crap...
---
Magicas - A certain estate
??? PoV
Misfortune follows me after that useless Daughter of mine died all those years ago. Not only do I not have a successor and heir for the family, I can¡¯t have children any more. All of the family enterprises are failing, my political opponents are trying to empty my council seat, and I have a boil on my-
Butler: ¡°Sir, you have a letter.¡±
Father In-law: ¡°Well, give it here then.¡±
Who would send a letter these days? The Butler hands me the letter which I open after digging through my desk for a knife. Ho~, this is real parchment, and in calligraphy. Whoever sent this must really know their stuff! I summon an orb of light mana to better read this letter. This has to be important to not risk leaving a trail¡
[table=brown]
Dear Father in-law,
[/table]
Father In-Law? When did the ungrateful brat get married? I turn back to the letter
[table=brown]
Your past actions to my Spouse and Mother in-law mortifies me exceedingly. So with great haste, I am writing to inform you of your imminent demise in retaliation for these dastardly deeds.
In fact, I am happy to pronounce that one such attempt is in the making as you read this letter! As you are reading this, a group of tactical interstellar messenger pigeons are dropping explosives around your estate.
I would advise evasive measures, but that would defeat the point of any attempt on your life!
In fact, I''m only dragging this letter out to distract you from the pigeons flying to a safe enough distance to detonate the explosives.
[/table]
Father In-Law: ¡°GUARDS! PERIMETER! DEFEND ME!¡±
As I dive under my desk, multiple explosions rock the whole mansion, making the desk collapse on top of me. I start to wiggle out from under it, but another series of explosions convinces me to stop my efforts. Most likely safer under here anyway¡ I find the letter on the ground in front of my face. I pick it up and resume reading.
[table=brown]
If you are still reading this, that means you survived. Either your luck is really high, or you read at an astonishing pace! Well, see you next time, I''m thinking poison.
You should keep your health up, it would embarrass me to no end if you were to die before my machinations come to fruition!
Best wishes to your slow and painful death from your faithful assassin!
The Spanish Inquisition
PS: You have no idea who you have angered, because you couldn''t recognize the face of Mount Tai if it fell on top of you.
You are an all around asshole, and your ancestors are probably rolling in their graves due to you... What would your ancestors say about that? Probably nothing, as I BLEW THEM UP! Also, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, so you will never know when or where I strike! Suck it Beotch!
[/table]
Father In-Law: ¡°GUARDS! TO THE MAUSOLEUM! THAT¡¯S THE NEXT TARGET!¡±
How could this day get any worse! DAMN YOU SPANISH INQUISITION!
3 hours later
3rd Person PoV
Guard Captain: ¡°I¡¯m sorry Sir, every time we threw water onto the fire, it exploded¡ Must have been some sort of sorcery¡¡±
Father In-Law: ¡°AGHGHGHGHGHGHGGH! I WANT THAT GUY FOUND NOW!¡±
As the target is screaming in outrage, a squadron of pigeons in stylish white space suits are futilely flapping their wings as their jetpacks pushes them out of the atmosphere.
---
Adventurer¡¯s Guild - Right after the bath
Tyche Pov
As Jake and Hannah were receiving their license, I received a confirmation message from Woodhouse stating the mission was successful. What? I only want to terrify the living shit out of him, killing him can come later¡ I¡¯m so glad that Woodhouse offered the idea of dropping chunks of Sodium with the talismans!
If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.
Tyche: ¡°Hey Midas, Happy Birthday!¡±
Midas: ¡°Huh?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Real world birthday? Back when you were a Dryad?¡±
Midas: ¡°It is? What¡¯d you get me?¡±
Tyche: ¡°A periodical subscription of death threats to your Father. I also destroyed the family mausoleum, and partially destroyed the mansion.¡±
Midas: ¡°Best. Waifu. Ever.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Thanks~! When¡¯s your Mom¡¯s birthday?¡±
Midas: ¡°I¡¯ll mark the calendar when we get home¡ Did you really have to force them to bathe together?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Damn right I did! They were doing that whole awkward morning after thing¡ We never did that, we just went at it like¡ rabbits¡ Damnit, why aren¡¯t they doing that? Is she still butthurt about last night? PFffft! Poor choice of words there¡ Oh! Here they come!¡±
Hannah and Jake are making their way over to us, each carrying a pile of gear from upgrading their accounts. I link arms with Midas, and we meet the couple halfway. Linking arms with Hannah, I lead everyone to the back room, where I was briefly stopped by a guard until he saw who I was before letting me pass. Once in the back, I lead us into one of the examination rooms where Midas locks the door behind us.
Tyche: ¡°Okay, don¡¯t equip anything yet. You won¡¯t be equipping anything until you adapt to your new musculature. Here¡¯s a spatial ring, put that on, channel mana into it, and focus onto your pile of gear. It should ¡®drop¡¯ into the ring. If you can¡¯t manage that, use the UI.¡±
Jake: ¡°Why can¡¯t we do that all the time?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Try doing that in combat. The ¡®manual¡¯ way is faster and easier. The UI takes more effort, but the visual representation helps. Here¡¯s a spatial bag, it¡¯s easier to get stuff in and out since it¡¯s¡ well¡ a bag. Keep some money and the things you use most in it. Midas, you take Jake and do the strength bracelet stuff, I¡¯ll take care of Hannah here¡¡±
I lead Hannah to the other side of the room, where I slap a bracelet on her wrist. I love these musculature bracelets, they are slap bracelets! I take another one out of the box and slap it on my wrist, where I am greeted by the system.
You already have an Agility-based musculature.
Shhhh! I¡¯m having fun here! I have an idea beginning to form in the back of my mind¡
Tyche: ¡°Oh! Midas! Get a bottle of blood from Jake! We¡¯ll need that for later!¡±
Jake: ¡°What for?¡±
Midas: ¡°Ki training. You get to play with talismans like in anime!¡±
Jake: ¡°Ani what?¡±
Midas: ¡°You are dead to me¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°How do you put up with that?¡±
Hannah: ¡°He just never seemed interested in it¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Pity¡ Well, we have plenty of time to fix that! Gimme your wrist, I need blood!¡±
Hannah: (complying) ¡°Does this have to do with that blood drawing you did on all of us earlier?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep, although you usually mix the blood with ink, paint, enamel, etc. I was in a hurry because my head was killing me¡ Hold on a second.¡±
I whip out the tablet, and start drawing up plans for the idea in the back of my head. Slap bracelet talismans! I will never lose them! Muhahahahahaha! I just happen to get a toy out of it, but so what?
Hannah: ¡°Is that a tablet?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hmm? Yeah, we need your blood to finish yours. The blood makes it so that nobody but you can use it, so your data is safe-ish. It can still be hacked, but the same can be said for everything¡ Gimme back your wrist. MIDAS! WAIT! I have numbing sap!¡±
Jake: ¡°OW!... Too late¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°I want the sap¡¡±
I harvest some blood from her after applying the sap, and then I set her to doing jumping jacks for her musculature. Midas has Jake lifting up a rock and placing it back down again. I conjure a dozen breakfast muffins, as it takes a lot of energy for the bracelets to remake your muscles¡ While they are doing that, I break out my tools and start making tablets for them.
Hannah/Jake: ¡°Gyaaa~!¡±
Looks like they finished, and in only an hour too! Looks like the bonuses are working! I finished here too, so let¡¯s put that away before I bring the muffins over to them¡ Midas carries Jake over and places him next to Hannah as I arrive with the muffins, where they begin tearing into them like they haven¡¯t eaten in days.
Hannah: ¡°Why¡ Am I so hungry?¡±
Jake: ¡°Tired¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°You two just finished remodelling all of your muscles. That burns a buttload of energy! Finish eating, and we¡¯ll head back to the baths where we can work on meditation.¡±
Jake: ¡°What¡¯s a buttload?¡±
Midas: ¡°Two hogsheads.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Or 63 gallons of alcohol. Hurry up!
---
Spatial Cabin Hot Spring
Ahhh~ Hotspring, I am back my love~! I drop a naked Hannah into the water, as Midas does the same for Jake.
Hannah: ¡°Kyaaa! Why are they here?!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Because we only have one hotspring?¡±
Hannah: ¡°B-b-but they¡¯re men!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oh, come on! Isn¡¯t this what you wanted? Him?¡±
Hannah: ¡°But Midas is here too!¡±
Tyche: ¡°You¡¯re upset about Midas? He used to be a girl you know¡ Well, a girl without a vagina, but the point still stands¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Hey! That was a racial thing! What about you? You used to be a guy!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Nevermind that¡ You two literally did all that last night, and you¡¯re shy about this? Get over it Hannah! Jake¡ Please get it right next time¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Shouldn¡¯t we get on to the point?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Fine¡ Okay you two, get into a comfortable position and focus on your insides. Feel around for an unknown energy. Midas and I will inject some into your backs to make it easier to notice it.¡±
They succeed in finding it after ten minutes, I guess it was our injecting it into them that sped things up. Without a surprise, Jake is a compression type, and Hannah is an explosive type. I guess personality has a lot to do with it¡
Tyche: ¡°Next, we¡¯ll talk attributes. What do you want to receive Jake?¡±
Jake: ¡°Light?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Explain your reasoning.¡±
Jake: ¡°Because I¡¯m a paladin?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Ugh¡ You are more of a ¡®Holy Knight¡¯ than anything. You select an attribute, and the corresponding God or Goddess become a Patron of sorts. You fight for their ¡®cause¡¯ and they infuse you with some of their divine power. Think on it for a bit. There is a Bacon Goddess though, so you can become a bacon knight if you want¡ Hands off the Blueberry Goddess though, SHE¡¯S MINE!¡±
Hannah: ¡°What about me?¡±
Tyche: ¡°What about you? You¡¯re a druid, stuck with Nature attribute at the start.¡±
Hannah: ¡°How do I heal then?¡±
Midas: ¡°Every attribute can heal. It¡¯s more of a question if you want to be healed that way¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°Most of them increase regeneration to some extent, but the primal elements are different. Fire cauterizes, Earth places a rocky crust like bandage, Wind requires moving air over the wound and Water requires the area to be covered in water. Divine infused elements heal like in games and anime.¡±
Midas: ¡°Remember when you used Bacon Attribute on that Bandit? He smelled like rancid bacon grease¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°HEY! I¡¯m telling you, that was because he had poor hygiene! The Cows I healed smell perfectly fine, and their hamburgers taste delicious!¡±
With that, it devolved into one big argument about the prospects of bacon attribute healing¡ You guys should come back later¡
---
Author¡¯s Notes: I wanted to use the bacon attribute to rez Charlotte¡¯s brother. which would curse him to be chased by animals wherever he goes, but I decided against it. Jake and Hannah will be the ¡°normals¡± of the group. Everyone in the group is overpowered in one way or another, but doesn¡¯t realise it. Well, they will be too, but that comes in time...
Next Time: Time skip, Legitimate bandit hunting!
Chapter 25 - Holding Back is the Leading Cause of Hemorrhoids
Name: (Words) = Thinking (usually reserved for third person perspectives).
Words~ = Sing-song voice.
Words/ = Monotone voice.
*Words* = Sound effects/actions.
Name> = Phone/email/IM
Ugh, I was struck by inspiration, but in the wrong direction of the story¡
---
Hannah¡¯s Room - Two Weeks Later
Jake? PoV
I burst into Hannah¡¯s room and find her lying on her bed doing something strange under the covers. I walk to the edge of the bed and flip the covers to uncover what she is doing. Her hand is inside her pajama bottoms¡ Oh-hohohohohoho~! Not such the straight laced person are you? I grab her wrist and bring her hand out from its hiding spot to rest under my nose. I inhale deeply, sampling the delectable scent. I stick out my tongue and drag her hand across it. Hannah seems to wake up and realises what is going on. She starts blushing and thrashing around. I climb on top of her and lock lips with her before she reverts to her usual song and dance. She responds in kind by sticking her tongue in my mouth, which I reciprocate with mine. Soon, it becomes a race to see who can strip the other the fastest.
Hannah: ¡°Take me ri-¡±
---
Livingroom - Spatial Cabin
Hannah PoV
Hannah: ¡°Nooooooooooo!¡±
After eyeball poking Jake, I grab the large screen and try to break it in half. Hnnnnnnnnnnnng! Hnnnnnnnnnnnng! What the hell! What is this thing made of? I look accusingly at our tormentors. Midas has a proud look on his face while Tyche is tapping away at her tablet like she is documenting an experiment or something¡
Hannah: ¡°WHAT THE HELL?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Looks like the 8:1:2 ratio of glass, mithril and mana crystal is perfect. It seems to be impervious to Tsundere Strength¡¡±
Midas: ¡°When do I get my Oscar?¡±
Artemis: ¡°Do they have one for best camerawork?¡±
Jake: (from ground) ¡°This isn¡¯t Earth, so you¡¯re stuck with Golden Globes¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Ewwww! Nevermind¡¡±
Artemis: ¡°Dreamcrusher!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Forget that! How did you do it, because that sure as hell didn¡¯t happen! That¡¯s exactly how it happens in my¡. HEY!¡±
That¡¯s exactly how it happens in my dreams! How do they know about that? I look back to Tyche, and find myself staring at myself! Huh? That is scary, it looks just like me, but wearing Tyche¡¯s clothes which are a little baggy in the chest area¡ Why do I feel insulted? I turn around and find a Jake wearing Midas¡¯ clothes standing there. He is staring proudly at the screen in my hands and I reflexively poke at his eyes which feels like I jammed them into a wall.
Hannah: ¡°OW! SHIT! WHY!¡±
Tyche: ¡°That¡¯s what happens when you attack someone who is thirty eight levels above you¡ And don¡¯t attack my hubby, I¡¯ve killed people for less!¡±
Selene: ¡°Like that innkeeper that wouldn¡¯t refund your money?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Hey! I didn¡¯t kill her¡ I only drove her crazy¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°Don¡¯t change the subject! How did you see my¡ How did you two change into us?¡±
Tyche/Midas: ¡°Shapeshifters?¡±
Hannah: ¡°Ugh¡¡±
Tyche: ¡°I found my new favorite form for watching the tablet while lying down! No tits to get in the way!¡±
The taboo broken, I fall into a berserk rage and pounce at my target. Right as I was about to land, I was caught by the scruff of my neck, leaving the only way for me to vent my frustration by thrashing around. A hand reaches down and starts fondling my fluffy rabbit tail. Nooooooo~! What if Jake sees? I look down and see that he is still on the ground holding his eyes. As if reading my mind, Tyche touches his face with a tail and heals him. Nooooooo~! He will see my shame! Drool starts to leak from my mouth as Tyche leans down to my ear.
Tyche: (whispering) ¡°I used this dream talisman to see your dream, we recreated it. Jake¡¯s dreams are really boring though¡ He only dreams of cuddling with you. Seriously?.¡± (normal voice) ¡°You two should stop screwing around and get back to grinding your stats¡¡±
Jake: ¡°But it¡¯s so repetitive!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Yeah, you guys have to know of a faster way¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Well¡ There is one way¡¡±
Hannah: ¡°Really?!¡±
Jake: ¡°Please teach us!¡±
Tyche: *leaning closer* ¡°It¡¯s called¡¡±
Jake/Hannah: ¡°Yeah?¡±
Midas: ¡°Coital¡±
Tyche: ¡°Grinding!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Huh?¡±
Jake: ¡°What does ¡®coital¡¯ mean?¡±
Tyche: ¡°It¡¯s when a boy rabbitkin and girl rabbitkin who like each other very much and want to improve their stats fuck like the rabbitkin they are to improve them.¡±
Jake: ¡°D-does it really work like that?¡±
Midas: ¡°Yep! Almost all of our stat growth came from that alone! Makes doing things the old fashioned way useless. But it¡¯s way more fun this way!¡±
Ah! She stopped fondling my tail! Why is everyone looking at me? Back to the tail please? Why am I being handed over to Jake?
Tyche: ¡°If you two don¡¯t stay up at least half the night, you are doing something wrong!¡±
Hannah: ¡°What?¡¯
Tyche: ¡°And for Goddesses¡¯ sake, put it in the right hole this time!¡±
What?! I¡¯m being carried to my room while thrown over Jake¡¯s shoulder like a sack! At least be a little romantic! Princess carry me dammit!
---
Personal Space
The Guide PoV
Why aren¡¯t they following my plans? All of the setbacks I set in their path, they just shrug off like it¡¯s nothing! I spend all that time trying to push them together and nothing happens! I switch their genders and they don¡¯t care at all! But then they start fooling around in their tree house where they think I don¡¯t know what¡¯s happening in¡ What is wrong with them, did I choose wrong? The AI that controls this body when I¡¯m not in control is really buggy and doesn¡¯t know how to act¡ Which leads to it doing all kinds of things I wouldn¡¯t do, leading to Tyche or Midas causing bodily harm to it. After extensive research, I found out that the cause is that the AI can¡¯t properly map my psyche. You can¡¯t measure a God¡¯s mind afterall. Dead or alive, Gods are immeasurable¡
Have they used their divine power yet? NO! All they do is delegate to the other Gods or Goddesses. And if there isn¡¯t one that can cover the issue, they just create another one by upgrading one of the souls of the dead Alpha Testers into Godhood¡
The other Gods and Goddesses are interesting though. They aren¡¯t showing any of the symptoms of conflicting prayers. I¡¯ll have to look into this further. That Tyrone God seems interesting¡ Seriously, a God who willingly does that? At least his punishments are fitting...
While I¡¯m at it, I¡¯ll divide half of my current power between the two. That should speed things up, causing other people to believe they are Gods. Maybe there will be witnesses who will label them as Gods and start them on their path to Godhood¡ They seem to have a fear of the demons, I should work with that...
---
Sunnydale - Outside the Capital - Next Day
Hannah PoV
Ow, owww, OW! Worst, pain, ever! But we gained at least five points in every stat! Compared to the 15 over two weeks from before, this way is faster¡ They might know what they are talking about¡ Without thinking I begin to channel healing energy in my palm. As I was lowering my hand, Tyche grabs my wrist, saving me.
Tyche: ¡°Nooo! Don¡¯t do that, you had enough trouble with it last night, don¡¯t restore it!¡±
Jake: ¡°Does it really work that way?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Yep! Broke it once by accident, healed it to stop the pain, and then popped it on purpose not even a minute later¡¡±
Sarah: ¡°It¡¯s the best feeling ever!¡± *shudders* ¡°I have her heal it every time!¡±
Hannah: ¡°Thanks for stopping me¡¡±
That Maid seriously scares me¡
Midas: ¡°Found them!¡±
Jake: ¡°Huh?¡±
Tyche: ¡°The Bandits, remember? Powerleveling? You two should get ready.¡±
Tyche¡¯s hair turns silver as her scepter turns into a gigantic scythe. Wow, never seen that one before¡ Midas shifts into an iaido pose while Sarah flexes her wrists and a pistol slides out of each sleeve. The hell? They have guns here? That isn¡¯t fair at all! I concentrate while channeling mana into my amulet. A wood grain appears on my robe as it hardens and takes on the color and scent of Mahogany. Jake has brown white and red chainmail seemingly sprout out of his clothes as he unsheathes his gladius and shrugs the shield off of his back. The wind changes its direction, and I pick up the awesome scent of hickory treated bacon¡ He really picked Bacon as his attribute¡ If anyone asks, I don¡¯t know him¡
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
How did they detect the bandits anyway? Their perception must be through the roof to detect that, the overpowered idiots¡ As if to contradict me, the wind changes direction again, and blows a foul odor into my nose, causing me to gag. Suddenly, I am lifted off the ground and hugged tightly. The foul odor is replaced by hickory bacon¡ Ahhh~ that is much better! Wait!
Jake: *inhales deeply* ¡°Ahhh~ Mahogany is the best~!¡±
Hannah: ¡°...¡±
Tyche: ¡°Wow, that didn¡¯t go as expected¡¡±
As we advanced forward, a man wearing poorly maintained armor with a scraggly beard steps in front of us, blocking our way.
Unfortunate Bandit: ¡°Leave the valuables and the wo-¡±
Two dime sized holes suddenly replace his eyes as blood flies from the back of his head¡ Huh? Mechanically, I look to my left to see a Sarah mashing the triggers of her pistols with a look of ecstasy on her face. SCARY!
Congratulations, you have gained 7 levels!
Stat Growth: +7 Agility, +3.5 Endurance, +3.5 Intellect, +3.5 Wisdom, and +3.5 Perception!
Holy crap! He must have been high leveled¡ This was a big mistake!
---
Tyche PoV
Hey guys, welcome back! Haaa~ haven¡¯t done that schtick in a while. I really miss it. A horde of bandits start swarming up the hill towards us. I flex my fingers before lifting the scythe into the air, where Midas places a hand on my wrist to stop me.
Midas: ¡°Can you do it? Pleaaaaaaaaaaase?¡±
Tyche: ¡°???¡±
Midas: ¡°Ki in one hand, Mana in the other?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Still not catching the reference¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Your harisen?¡±
Tyche: ¡°Oi! I¡¯m not some overpowered princess from Mars! I can¡¯t cancel magic or anything¡¡±
Sigh~ I change to [Tsundere Mode], and stick the harisen under one arm. Ki in one hand, Mana in the other. Less ki¡ More mana¡ That looks like about 50/50? Let¡¯s press them together!
Tyche: ¡°Kan**ho! ??? The hell?¡±
???: ¡°Your [Creative Borrowing] has stretched into theft! You must pay a royalty of 15 silver to Ken Akamatsu!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Who the hell are you?¡±
Fairy: ¡°I¡¯m the copyright fairy! I enforce the-¡±
I grab the unsuspecting Fairy by the head with two fingers, bringing her in front of my face.
Tyche: ¡°Midas, a thousand gold please¡¡±
Midas: ¡°Kay.¡±
Tyche: ¡°Here¡¯s a thousand gold. Now go away! We have like a thousand bandits to slau¡ subjugate.¡±
I open up the sack of gold with one hand, and as I¡¯m about to stuff the annoying Fairy in it to drop the damned thing Goddesses knows where, I was interrupted by Selene.
Selene: ¡°Don¡¯t take it out on her, she¡¯s only doing her job!¡±
Tyche: ¡°Fiiiiine! You¡¯re lucky!¡±
I drop the Fairy and sack, and turn back to the bandits. This is a bad angle, if only I was higher¡ With only a conscious thought, the newfound energy circulates and starts lifting me higher. Ah, this power is useful! Let¡¯s see how it works offensively? I grab the harisen and hold it like a sword, and swing it at the bandits, willing the energy to fire. As the first throng of bandits reaches the top, a crescent of white energy passes through them, continuing to fly into forever. ¡ That¡¯s weird, why aren¡¯t the bandits dying, screaming or anything.
Tyche: ¡°The hell? Shouldn¡¯t they be exploding or something? Sliced in half? Fire?¡±
Hannah: ¡°Forget about that, I hope that beam doesn¡¯t go on forever¡ If it turns out to be dangerous, I hope it doesn¡¯t hit any-¡±
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
The top of a mountain in the distance slides off and hits the ground, causing an earthquake. The earthquake shakes the bandits hit earlier. Some fall into pieces, while others catch on fire. The lucky ones just dissolve into dust¡ Holy shit, this power is amazing! I shall name it Divine Power! I lift the harisen again for another swing, where I am greeted with the remaining bandits falling onto their faces.
Smart Bandits: ¡°WE SURRENDER!¡±
That was anticlimactic¡ Let¡¯s check all the windows that were appearing during that ¡°fight¡±...
You have discovered the secrets of Divinity!
You have unlocked Divine Power! Affinity with this can only be increased with prayers or gifted from other Gods.
An unnamed God has granted you a share of his Divine Power!
+30% Affinity!
You have cleared the Kingdom of Sunnydale of all bandits!
Congratulations! You are now level 68!
For reaching level 50, you have 50 additional manual growth point gains!
Ummm¡ Fairies, give them the stats, I have to excessively cast [Denial] for an hour or so¡
Status
Level:
68
Race:
Chimera
Class:
Cosplayer
HP:
2810
Mana/Psy:
5732
Ki:
10998
Stamina
8034
Tyche Luck:
MAX
Midas Luck:
MIN
Tyche
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Inheritor of Mjolnir
Female
It''s a trap!
Princess of Chimeras
???
Midas
Titles:
Twin-Soul
Chuunibyou
Champion of Dumbass
Male
It''s a trap!
Prince of Chimeras
???
Physical
Agility:
118
Strength:
84
Defensive
Constitution:
84
Endurance:
118
Mental
Intellect:
84
Wisdom:
84
Other
Dexterity:
84
Perception:
84
Spirit:
160
Affinities
Bacon:
100%
Muffin:
100%
Spatial:
100%
Nature:
78%
Illusion:
55%
Elemental:
60%
Divine:
35%
Status
Name:
Sarah
Race:
Human
Class:
Marksman
Level:
68
Titles:
Self-Proclaimed Maid
Masochist
Shame Glutton
Female
Priestess of Fortune
Priestess of Disaster
HP:
3410
Mana:
3420
Ki:
5428
Stamina:
3410
Physical
Agility:
118
Strength:
50
Defensive
Constitution:
50
Endurance:
50
Mental
Intellect:
50
Wisdom:
50
Other
Dexterity:
118
Perception:
118
Spirit:
75
Luck:
17
Affinities:
Elemental:
19%
---
---
Status
Name:
Hannah
Race:
Bunnykin
Class:
Druid
Level:
49
Titles:
The Berserk
Mahogany Plank
Appostle of Disaster
Female
HP:
1186
Mana:
2445.5
Ki:
3847
Stamina:
2680.5
Physical
Agility:
74
Strength:
21
Defensive
Constitution:
24
Endurance:
54.5
Mental
Intellect:
49.5
Wisdom:
45.5
Other
Dexterity:
26
Perception:
45.5
Spirit:
77
Luck:
5
Affinities:
Nature:
25%
---
---
Status
Name:
Jake
Race:
Bunnykin
Class:
Paladin
Level:
49
Titles:
The Innocent
The Dense
Appostle of Fortune
Male
HP:
3587
Mana:
2592.5
Ki:
2373
Stamina:
1235
Physical
Agility:
21
Strength:
74
Defensive
Constitution:
73
Endurance:
25
Mental
Intellect:
52.5
Wisdom:
45.5
Other
Dexterity:
24
Perception:
a21
Spirit:
48
Luck:
30
Affinities:
Bacon:
30%
---
---
---
Author¡¯s Notes: Meh, so I was totally struck by inspiration, but it was the ending. And what I like to call book 2. Book 2 will be real gameplay, two new characters, different world, nerfs. You know, the whole shebang. This current story is turning into more of a prologue.
Next Chapter: Aftermath + Demon realm developments.