《star crazy》


 prologue this crazy bastard

    My name is reaper ya I know how original but that¡¯s what I am stuck with. I am a soldier drained in the harshest conditions possible at the early age of four spent nine years training and going on normal missions like everyone else but when I turned of age things went downhill.


    I was the best at everything fighting; planning it didn¡¯t matter so the Chinese government started sending me on suicide missions which I blew through one after another I was drunk on power. At the age twenty two I met an assassin named jade sent to kill me by my own government because I was too strong. Things didn¡¯t go as planned instead of killing me she helped me.


    We were unstoppable fighting everyone it was blissful until the part we got sloppy we walked right into a trap. Me the heroic person I am threw her out of the building just in time for me to be blown sky high. Ah good times, well that wasn¡¯t the end I ended up in this white room and no body I mean what the hell is up with that. Oh and if you¡¯re wondering I am not Chinese I am British yep this has nothing to do with me dying but I am bored out of my mind here.


    Hello there mortal welcome to the afterlife and to answer your questions no you are not going to be sent to heaven or hell and you can¡¯t get a second chance in your world. (voices in my head)


    Well that¡¯s just great I¡¯m going bonkers what¡¯s next I get to see a unicorn? (me)


    No you idiot I am god and if you would shut up for five seconds I would explain this to you. (voices in my head)


    Oh ya sure god I will believe that when I can walk down the street without getting shot at. (me)


    Fine don¡¯t believe me anyway your being reincarnate right now so have a nice life and fuck off. (cranky voices in my head)


    The room flashed and when my eyes adjusted I was looking at the stars and planets that were moving in front of me, wait why are they so close am I in a space ship or something? Wait there¡¯s something coming towards me why the fuck am I not turning come on control this damn ship already! I look down to see me restrained who would do this to a person I mean come on have some mercy. The asteroid hit the ship thing and I started to spin out of control.


    Yep I think I¡¯m going to play exorcist. Suddenly there is a large bang and the ship stops moving. The glass opens and the restraints are released; I climbed out of the ship thing and looked around to see a vast plain full of giant grey pig creatures. I bet they taste just like bacon, I crouched down and slowly approached one of the separated ones.


    Once I was near it I checked my gear to see if I had something to kill it with but sadly I don¡¯t. I picked up the closest stone to me and charged at it only to be charged at myself it¡¯s tusks sharpened and ready to kill. I move to the side and one it ran past me I grabbed it¡¯s fur once I had a good hold I started to bash it¡¯s head in until it stopped moving.


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>gained 2x lv


    100 stat and skill points added</td></tr></tbody></table>


    What is this a video game; oh wait the voices are just playing games now okay I will play with you. ¡°status¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''420''>name: reaper


    lv 3</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''120''>race: human</td><td colspan=''300''>title:reborn,killer,OP traveler, super soldier, crazy bastard</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''35''>str: 145</td><td colspan=''140''>agi: 200</td><td colspan=''70''>int:300</td><td colspan=''175''>wis:300</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''210''>leadership:max</td><td colspan=''140''>faith:3</td><td colspan=''70''>luck: 999999</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''84''>light:100%</td><td colspan=''84''>dark:100%</td><td colspan=''84''>fame: 0</td><td colspan=''84''>infamy: 0</td><td colspan=''84''>alliagance: crazy</td></tr></tbody></table>oh I¡¯m


    touched you  care about my mental state. ¡° skills¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>Inventory</td><td>able to store items in a separate univers</td></tr><tr><td>master of the light side</td><td>your understanding of the light side is unmatched


    and is unbeatable</td></tr><tr><td>master of the dark side</td><td>you are a master of the dark side


    and can even command death it''s self</td></tr><tr><td>lightning 1/10</td><td>from your understanding of the darkside


    you can create lighting through your fingers</td></tr><tr><td>beast tamer lv 1/10</td><td>tame simple minded beasts</td></tr><tr><td>lucky bastard</td><td>from your incredible luck you can


    pick up unbelievably rare items from


    the most obvious places</td></tr><tr><td>crazy bastard</td><td>from being so damn crazy the things


    you do will be 15% more effective</td></tr><tr><td>force mastery 1/10</td><td>able to pick up small objects</td></tr><tr><td>persuasion lv 1/10</td><td>use the force to control  simple minded people</td></tr></tbody></table>


    is this star wars? Oh the fuck cares voices  upgrade all my skills to the max.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>lightning 10/10</td><td>control all types of lightning</td></tr><tr><td>beast tamer lv 10/10</td><td>tame armies of beasts</td></tr><tr><td>force mastery 1/10</td><td>do impossible things with the force</td></tr><tr><td>persuasion lv 10/10</td><td>use the force to control  everyone</td></tr></tbody></table>


    This is fun let¡¯s play.

 chapter 1 fun times

    After roasting and eating my dead pig friend I played with his friends I made four of them my servants the others I used my lightning on I have to say it was a pretty sight the only problem with it was the smell they smell terrible burnt; well everything does but these were even worse.


    I got bored frying pig creatures so I left however it was hard to get through the minefield of shit they planted for unwelcomed guests damn pigs I will have my revenge some day.  This planet is huge with two suns, and three moons, the suns are orange and red while the moons are different shades of purple; I wonder what they look like when I blow them up? Well let¡¯s save that for later I finally found humans wait no those aren¡¯t humans one is a green skinned creature with giant black eyes and a butt for a mouth it¡¯s partner was a fat green human pig that was shocking a blue alien girl but couldn¡¯t see her very well.


    Porkers surround them don¡¯t alert them just play it cool and when the fighting starts attack got it. (me)


    Squeal. (Porkers)


    Alright now that that¡¯s done let¡¯s go say hi. I got up and walked over to the group as soon as they saw me they pulled out some red sword like light sabers they weren¡¯t the light sabers from star wars they looked like actual swords they were shiny and I wanted them.


    Hey guys here¡¯s what¡¯s going to happen I will spare you if you drop your weapons and start running. (me)


    !@#$%^#$%^&*(*&&^%$#  (ass faced alien)


    Sorry I don¡¯t speak ass. (me)


    He said that your picking a fight with the empires elite if you think a human can take on two siths without a weapon  you are crazier than the rebels. (smug pig)


    Will that¡¯s disappointing; PORKERS ATTACK! (ME)


    The two aliens had no idea what was happening until the pig man well was a stuck pig the ass face was actually defending himself pretty well; wait this isn¡¯t good he¡¯s killing my porkers. I pull the tusks from my first kill and run at him he was so distracted with bob the fattest porker he didn¡¯t even notice me. I plunged my tusk daggers into his throat he let go of his light saber and fell back.


    Now then what to do now all my servants are gone now but least I got a notification.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>gained 24x lv


    1200 points added</td></tr></tbody></table>


    yay the voices still like me. I grabbed the light sabers and any other gear that was valuable and put it in my inventory including the corpses of my porkers they could still be eaten later or turned into bacon¡­ yep bacon most definitely.


    Hey can you help me out of this cage? (alien girl)


    I turned and walked up to the alien girl turns out she was a beauty even with her blue skin and her tentacles on her head, her violet eyes shined in the fires light dressed in leather clothes that shoed almost every curve on her which showed her super model body with huge knockers.


    Maybe I can but what do I get out of it? (me)


    A free ride on my ship and a chance to join the rebels. (Alien girl)


    I will take the ride but I don¡¯t know about the rebels we can take about it once we get there besides I¡¯m just doing this out of boredom. (me)


    Wait what do you mean you¡¯re doing it because you¡¯re bored? (alien girl)


    Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.Well it¡¯s exactly how it sounds anyway let¡¯s just get to your ship and leave this place since it¡¯s very depressing here. (me)


    You don¡¯t really need to go anywhere just let me out of this cage and find the key for this collar. (alien girl)


    God I hate bossy women they always get me in really bad situations. (me)


    I used one of my new toys to cut the lock off and once she was out of the cage I used my lightning to short circuit the collar thing the girl seemed surprised by this but I didn¡¯t care I was getting bored just standing around.


    The shuttle should be here soon but  before it gets here I want to know why you have a power of the dark side. (alien girl)


    Oh I totally forgot lightning was used by the dark side in this universe well there¡¯s no turning back now. (me)


    What do you mean by this universe? (alien girl)


    Nothing just thinking out loud but here is a little advise for you don¡¯t start questioning the person that save your life might bite you in your little blue ass. (me)


    I am risking everything just because you have power we rebels can use against the empire so please just answer the question. (alien girl)


    Now that¡¯s a little better and since you asked nicely I will tell you that I am neither Jedi or sith you could call me a merc if you want but I don¡¯t want money or anything as boring as that. (me)


    So what do you want? (alien girl)


    Well I want to be entertained and maybe blow something up oh hell of course I want to blow something up it¡¯s your choice to chose what I blow up. (me)


    So you will join the rebels? (alien girl)


    No. (me)


    Then what are you joining? (alien girl)


    Now there¡¯s the right question; I¡¯m joining you well for now anyway. (me)


    You know my kind and yours are at odds with each other. (alien girl)


    Do I look like someone that cares? (me)


    As I said this a ship flew over us and landed a few meters away the girl opened the hatch and we climbed in I was searching each room for anyone else but it was just me and the alien girl. As I came the bridge she was in a chair already pushing buttons at a fast rate I sat down next to her and saw the controls were the same as a jet¡¯s just a little bit more room.


    Let me guess this was from a human right. (me)


    Yep a human pirate that tried to sell me into slavery but these buttons have no meaning once so ever I can fly it if it¡¯s already started but can¡¯t do anything else. (alien girl)


    Allow me. (me)


    I grabbed the controls and took us up which was relatively easy as I scanned the buttons I came across a red button which was just calling my name.


    Hope you like surprises because I¡¯m about to do something really stupid. (me)


    WHAT! (alien girl)


    As I pushed it we blew past the moons and could see stars and planets moving around us at a rapid speed like a blur in the sky. after a few moments of this we stopped to see a battle between four ships debris everywhere; I knew she was going to cause me trouble should have took the ship and left her.

 chapter 2 kamikaze

    Hey which ship is on our side? (me)


    The one that¡¯s being blown to pieces! (alien girl)


    If you can get on the coms and tell them to retreat just until the explosions stop. (me)


    What explosions? (alien girl)


    Just do it already or do you want your friends blown up! (me)


    Okay, okay I¡¯m doing it. (alien girl)


    As she got on the radio I watched the battle even though I like explosions this is getting out of hand¡­ hey there are floaters Hahahaha stupid fuckers should have escaped while they had a chance.


    Alright their retreating so now what? (alien girl)


    Now you use an escape pod I doubt you can survive what I plan on doing. Oh and when the explosions are over look for a fridge. (me)


    Hold on what are you planning on doing? (alien girl)


    Just do what I say; also get anything worth value since if it stay¡¯s you won¡¯t have it anymore. (me)


    The girl flinched at my outburst but soon followed my orders I heard something from the side of the ship and saw a small ball with thrusters behind it making it move towards the retreating ships. Hey voices play something classy for what I am going to do.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKggnBh2Mdw</td></tr>[/table</a>]


    ¡°High way to hell¡± nice choice well time to have some fun. I punched it making the ship go full speed to the closest ship near me I jumped from the seat to the fridge, I threw everything out of it well everything except for two beers since I needed something to pass the time. I climbed in and shut the fridge door sealing me into the freezing metal box after a few moments we finally hit I was like a ragdoll hitting every side of the fridge but least it wasn¡¯t cold anymore.


    After it finally calmed down I opened my first beer and enjoyed myself once in a while I could hear things bumping the fridge but that¡¯s it. I finished both of my beers and I am still waiting what the hell did the girl not listen to me when I said search for a fridge? Well least I got some more levels.


    [table]<tr><td>gained 23x points


    1150 points</td></tr></tbody></table>


    I have so many points but I have nothing to buy; wait can I buy new skills?


    <table><tbody><tr><td>yes you can</td></tr></tbody></table>


    Alright please show me the space survival skills if there are any?


    <table><tbody><tr><td>breathe in space</td><td>able to breathe in space</td><td>cost 15</td></tr><tr><td>starvation resistance</td><td>can survive weeks at a time


    without starving</td><td>cost 5</td></tr><tr><td>dehydration resistance</td><td>can survive weeks at a time


    without water</td><td>cost 5</td></tr><tr><td>telepath lv 1/10</td><td>able to contact people you


    Know through your mind within


    A 1 mile range</td><td>cost 10</td></tr></tbody></table>


    Alright let¡¯s get those and level the telepath skill to max I have some choice words for that alien girl.


    Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.<table><tbody><tr><td>telepath lv 10/10</td><td>able to contact people you


    know through your mind doesn''t matter


    how far you from the person in question</td></tr></tbody></table>


    alright activate [telepath]


    HEY  DID YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME I TOLD YOU TO LOOK FOR A FRIDGE AFTER THE EXPLOSIONS WERE OVER WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! (me)


    Stop screaming and how are you even doing this? Never mind I can¡¯t get the captains to search the debris they saw it¡¯s too dangerous. (alien girl)


    If you won¡¯t come get me I will come to  you and you won¡¯t like it when I do. (me)


    Alright I get it just give us a few minutes. (alien girl)


    You have five minute. (me)


    I ended the connection and got ready. ¡°voices¡± add three hundred to strength and agility.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>request accepted


    strength: 476  agility: 575</td></tr></tbody></table>


    I waited for ten minutes but still nothing so I decided I would get out of here myself. I kicked the door open and floated out to see a ship closing in on me. I floated to it and climbed into the open door in the back. When the door closed the room was compressed followed by soldiers surrounding me guns at the ready dressed in black and white uniforms. Once I was surrounded the alien girl walked in with another ass face.


    So what is this do you plan on shooting me? (me)


    Not if you surrender I have to apologies we can¡¯t have a sith walking around freely on a rebel ship. (alien girl)


    I told you before I am not a sith and I am not a jedi. (me)


    I don¡¯t care what you are; you are a threat and I am going to deal with you as such. (ass face)


    Well you can talk like a normal person I am impressed the other one I had no idea what he was saying either way I will not be put in prison because some ass faced alien doesn¡¯t have the balls to see that I am not a threat but sadly you won¡¯t so I will make you a offer I don¡¯t put a whole in the ship and have all the air in here sucked out in return I get a new ship. (me)


    You wouldn¡¯t you would kill your little bitch as well as yourself! (ass face)


    Commander what are you saying? (alien girl)


    Shut it you should have been sold into slavery the moment I saw you why do you think I sent you to a slave route without any guards. (ass face)


    Now this is interesting I guess I don¡¯t have to do anything with you since after this you will probably someone¡¯s play thing. (me)


    Listen carefully I am giving you a chance to survive this grab that guys gun and lock him in here with me oh and don¡¯t say anything just nod if you agree to my plan. (my thoughts)


    The girl nodded and in a instant she had the ass face¡¯s gun she quickly ran into the next room locking the door behind her the ass face had no idea what happened but I didn¡¯t give them a chance to react I snapped my fingers and a wave of lightning went through the room knocking everyone out. I walked up the latter and knocked on the door only to be met by the alien girl crying, come on I really don¡¯t want to deal with this shit.