《Gods, please help me. I don't want to die!》


 Help me, I dont want to die!

    Has anyone ever read a cultivation novel? It''s also commonly known as xianxia novels. Those Chinese novels that usually are based around an underestimated protagonist rising up from being an underdog to succeeding in their life. Those Chinese novels where the main protagonist rise up from nothing to become an immortal badass in life and achieve godhood as a happy ending. Those Chinese novels that spans on for a million, give or take a few hundred thousand, words before getting to the end.


    For those who''ve never read one, the main premise of those exaggeratedly long stories is the overcoming of challenges forced onto the main protagonist by society. Society being just about anyone who stands in the protagonist''s way of getting their plans done as quickly as possible. It usually follows the scheme of two over-confident idiots meeting, butting heads and then duking it out.


    The one who butt heads with the protagonist is almost always better than the protagonist themselves in some way or form; usually combat-wise. The protagonist will almost always get dealt heavy damage early on in a fight, if one were to ever break out. The protagonist will almost always get time to recuperate by themselves after seeing the-one-they-butt-heads-with''s power level. During this recuperation period, the protagonist will rise exponentially in power level while the author busies themselves trying to make a relatable comparison to how amazing is the thing that the protagonist is doing.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    After powering up, the protagonist will go and get a rematch with the-one-they-butt-heads-with. The usual rising back like a phoenix cliche. The-one-they-butt-heads-with will lose in a shameful display of defeat at this rematch, back off from the protagonist with their tails between their leg and will live in the sneer of others for the rest of their live for having lost. Most likely, this is the death sentence to the-one-they-butt-heads-with since this person will almost never be mentioned again. A heavy implication that this person failed to cultivate correctly and died off-screen.


    There''s a reason why I''m focusing on this particular aspect of Chinese cultivation novels. It''s not like I''m going on a nervous tangent or anything, okay? The reason is... how to put this... I might have beaten up a protagonist earlier and sent him to the recovery wards to recuperate. The moment before he fainted from pain and exhaustion, the protagonist would''ve look completely like the terminator if he had sunglasses on while saying "I''ll be back."


    Should I send him a letter of apology? I don''t want to have a death sentence on my head!

 Help me, I dont want to die!!

    Let''s rewind a little and see the reason why I had to beat up the protagonist.


    I was tasked to show the newly taken in disciples around the sect. The newly taken in disciples are a group of 12 youthful boys and girls who all had excited sparkles in their eyes. Their age range from eight to fourteen with fourteen being the oldest by a margin of one year.


    The task of showing them around was given to me by my master since he had to go and fix the mix up with the jade tablets, the sect''s identification card, that were prepared beforehand for the new disciples. Seeing as how my body is the same age as the group''s oldest, fourteen, the new disciples opened up to me easily, happily calling me senior brother.


    Taken in by the ambiance, I opened up to them as well and we got along. Most of us anyways. The fourteen year old disciple stood back and held a small but noticeable distance away from the group as I led them to tour their new home, the sect. I noticed but didn''t make to call the new disciple out on it, seeing as how the others haven''t noticed yet. If he wanted to keep a distance, I decided that I should''ve given it to him.


    We first visited the training halls, the weapon halls and the meditation halls, which are all congruently set next to each other. Some of the older disciples in the halls greeted me in a disturbingly formal tone; most likely to set an example for the new disciples I''m showing around. It worked to impress the new disciples of my supposed status as a senior within the same age group as them.


    We then stopped by the weapon refinement halls, the medicine compounding halls and the talisman production halls which, like the previous three halls, were also set nearby each other. Once more, there''s an unsettling show of respect that I barely meet the requirement to be entitled to from some of the disciples there. Behind the backs of the starstruck, newly inducted disciples who were innocently being fooled, I saw the older disciples chuckling silently. I gave them a discreet glare before leaving the halls to continue the tour.


    I continued the tour of the of the inner sect area, visiting the housing halls, the food halls, the text halls, the bathing halls, the girl''s bathing hall, the Sect Master''s hall, my secret napping spot, and so many other locations that I did not need to show them. The reason is because my master hasn''t given me the green lights to bring the new disciples back to the meeting halls, where they''ll officially be inducted into the sect and be given their identification jade tablets.


    I fingered the communication charm that my master gave me after completely running a couple of trips around the inner sect and he told me tyrannically to stall them for at least another three hours, maybe even buy them lunch. I called him a slave driver. He said he''ll pay for whatever we''ll eat and allowed me full rein of where to go, as long as it didn''t leave the sect''s premise. I praised his existence to the highest heavens. For free food, I would''ve sung anyone to the high heavens.


    I told the group of new disciples that we were going out for lunch and they readily agreed to it. Seeing that they consented to be happily willing to eat anything I''ll bring them, I led the group to the outer sect, where I know a really good chef who sells in quantity.


    I left them to rest near the gates of the outer and inner sect, a place with benches, tree shading and a nice scenery, while I make a quick trip to go to the aforementioned chef. The trip was a short one and the chef had things prepared in bulk since early morning so it didn''t take me much time to come back to the gates where I left the group of new disciples.


    If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Once I got near them, I paused for a second to look bewilderingly at the sight before me. I saw the sight of one of the new disciples, the one of the same age as my body''s, arguing a much older outer sect disciple about something. Their words were loud but I couldn''t comprehend most of it due to them arguing over each other feverishly.


    I walked to them with the intent to break up the argument but somehow, after many snide remarks from both sides about my brusque demeanor even though I''m an inner sect disciple, my short height, my unassuming look, my gluttony and my tendency to run off from training, I forcibly had to shut them up with my fist. It was, admittedly, a bad move on my part but I do not have the heart of a saint to be able to take that kind of verbal abuse after so long... okay, a couple of minutes isn''t that long but they threw out some very personal insults for a guy who knew me by reputation and another who only met me today. Sticks and stones may break my bone but words hurt my feelings.


    After knocking out the two fighters, I took a moment to contemplate my actions, regretted it to a certain amount and decided that I should repent by skipping lunchtime to bring the two bodies to the recovery ward in the medicine halls. I left the remaining new disciples to eat the food I''ve bought them and gave them a stern warning to not fight with other disciples like what had just happened. They readily agreed to my cautionary advice.


    Satisfied with their responses, I left the gates area while lugging the two unconscious bodies on my shoulder. After a minute or so, a cute and mousy little girl splits up from the group of new disciples to follow after me. I asked her for what''s wrong and she introduced herself as, Nia Ying, a worried friend of the fainted disciple on my shoulder, the one whose age is the same as my body''s.


    Seeing the concern in her for the one on my shoulder, I allowed her to come with me to the recovery ward. It wasn''t a silent trip however since the girl seems to find that talking to me is a good distraction from her worries for her unconscious friend.


    She talked about herself, the boy on my shoulder, Lu Sui-Yan, how they met, their friendship and troubles and some other minor things like their likes, dislikes and dreams. I blanched out for the most of it since the setting screamed of a main character''s background.


    Growing up in the slums without parents, learning to live the hard way, meeting a nice girl to stave off the burden of loneliness, arguing about entering a sect and leaving each other, finding out that he has a rare Heavenly Fire Vein on accident and being able to enter the sect at the last minute, happily reuniting with Nia Ying. The hell, that''s sounds perfectly like the plot for the first volume of a Xianxia novel, right?!


    The rest of the day became a blur. I vaguely know that I left the three in the recovery ward, went and brought the new disciples to the meeting halls to get inducted, and then I went back to my room and meditated for a bit. After the calming meditation, I was able to focus my thoughts and then I started to panic profusely; which brings me back to my current situation.


    Should I send him a letter of apology? Should I run away from this sect? Should I attempt the ultimate dogeza for him? I don''t want to have a death sentence on my head!

 Help me, I dont want to die!!!

    After a long bout of panicking, I decided that I''m being too nonsensical about the situation and decided to visit the person I punched in the face to apologize. Now, I''m at the marketplace of the plant field area located in the outer sect, trying to cross eliminate what get well fruit the protagonist(maybe) might like.


    "If I''m a protagonist, I''d like to have something strong sounding as my favorite fruit, like the dragon fruit! It''s rich in nutrients, calcium, iron, phosphorus and all that other stuff too. But It''s really expensive... I can only buy three with the money I have now, damn, I didn''t ask master to refund me for buying lunch. Maybe I should go for the banana bunch instead, they sell more for less. It helps with blood pressure, diarrhea and boost the preservation of memories too, that''ll be good for when he goes into training... Well, if it''s for training then..."


    Muttering to myself about the nutritional values of the various fruits the stall has to offer, I slowly and methodically cross out fruits to come up with the best that should be given to an injured but growing protagonist. I ended up buying a bag of apples for its cost effectiveness ratio and completely forgot about the line of thought, "would this be something the protagonist like?"


    I pull out coins to pay the stall owner and catch a glimpse at the notebook sitting on the counter behind the stall. It has a compilation of what I was muttering to myself written on it. I puzzled for a moment before remembering that the majority of this world rarely goes into in depth science and research about nutritional values. What I just muttered out was the equivalent of taking a trip to a doctor and asking for health advice. A trip to the doctor is expensive here, by the way. I managed to bargain the price down to half price and got the owner to keep it that way for me for the rest of the month. I had to promise that I won''t exploit the deal too much though and we got a written contract done half an hour later after much bickering. I profited by swiping away a few buns from his dinner plate when he wasn''t looking; that will show him to low ball me in bargaining.


    By the time a happily skip back to the gates splitting the inner and outer sect and remembered my original purpose for going out to begin with, the sun was already setting. I pale and make a speedy run for the recovery wards within the medicine halls. I became a sweaty mess by the time I got to the door of the room where I left Lu Sui-Yan, Nia Ying and the other outer sect disciple.


    I briefly cast a clean up spell on myself and adjust my breathing to put on the appearance of a slightly respectable senior sect brother; propriety, appearances and all that junk that my master is so focused on. Once done, I huff loudly and puff out my chest to straighten my back before reaching for the door.


    The door slams open as I was halfway towards touching it. I jump a little and nearly gives a startled "eep" before Nia Ying''s dainty face enters my vision. She didn''t seem to notice my startled form as she had a more noticeable jump herself.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "...Senior Brother? What are you doing here?"


    I gave the younger girl a moment to calm herself and allow her to speak first. Not because I''m a gentleman or anything, it''s just because I have no idea what to say to her; something on the line of, "Nia Ying, what a pleasant surprise. Are you still here with Lu Sui-yan?" would probably be what I''d say and that sound suspicious as all hells, what with me standing in front of the medical ward of the person I personally injured.


    "I''m here to give Martial Brother Lu a get well gift along with his jade tablet that was handed to me by my master. Since you''re here too, I''ll hand it to you."


    I attempt a complacent smile and hold up the bag of apples that I brought. The bag of too many apples that I bought. Way too many, now that I think about it in hindsight. I also pull out the jade tablets hidden within my robes that I completely forgot about until I mentioned it just now and hold it to her to take.


    "Ah, of course, thank you, Senior Brother!"


    She bows her head in too low of an angle to show respect, something my master would''ve admonished, and excitedly take the tablets from my hand.


    "Nia Ying, who is it?"


    After a brief moment of silence where Nia Ying held her tablet and marbled at it, the voice of Lu Sui-Yan speaks up behind the doors. He sounded a bit concerned. Nia Ying jumps a little at his voice and a little something clicks within her brain.


    "It''s just Senior Brother, Sui-Yan! He''s come to give you a visit! Senior Brother, come in, come in. I forgot to tell you that Sui-yan''s awake! I''m sure he wants to meet you too!"


    Taking my free hand, Nia Ying turns around and eagerly pull me into the room before I could say anything otherwise. I nearly trip at her the sudden movement and make to stumble after her. I put in a small effort to make sure that the bag of apple stays a bag of apple instead of a bag and falling apples.


    Within a couple of steps, I come upon the sight of the protagonist, Lu Sui-yan, in all his protagonistic glory. Sitting leaned against the headboard of his bed''s frame, the youth practically glowed in the setting sun''s sunlight. An invisible breeze of wind steadily flows through the room''s only open window and continuously brushes by his long black hair, rippling it and making him look even cooler. His face, which had on a neutral expression before, contorts into a small frown when he puts his gaze on me.


    Oi, please don''t frown like that! It''ll ruin this cool CG scene you''re having! No, rather, please don''t show hostility towards me. I don''t want to have a death sentence on my head!

 Even if Im alive, I still dont want to die!

    I decided that it was a good time to start panicking again once I see his frown. No, I wasn''t being nonsensical; there is a legitimate aura of danger oozing from the protagonist''s frame at this moment! No, I wasn''t being delusional; the protagonist is legitimately giving off an pressure that''s a hundred times more imposing than my master''s! No, I wasn''t too scared to move; it''s a natural thing to freeze up in the face of unending, impending and threatening doom!


    Should I have entered a sliding dogeza even before I got into the protagonist''s line of vision? Would that have save me? I''m too young to die! Ah? Am I seeing my life flashing before my eyes? Stop! Stopppp! That''s something that happens to someone who''s about to die; a definite death flag! I don''t want to have a death sentence on my head!


    Mother of this body, I''m sorry, your son will be going to meet you in heaven soon. Father of this body, wherever you are, damn you for never showing your face to me. Master, I''ve always wanted to say this to your face, you''re hopeless. Fruit keeper from earlier, I''m sorry for stealing your buns, they looked so delicious. Merchant Lu, I''m sorry for having you put up with my crap on a weekly basis, your food rocks. Old Lady Feng, I apologize for taking your clinic''s bed so many times, I liked your comfortable bedding. I''m starting to run out of people to apologize to. When''s Lu sui-Yan going to get the show on the road?


    I calm myself from my tangent and open my eyes, which were closed and aimed towards the ceiling in preparation for the protagonist''s retribution, to look back to Lu Sui-Yan. He is still looking at me with the frown but now that I''ve reined my fear a bit, I notice that his gaze wasn''t so much on me as it was just staring in my general direction. It''s a frown of contemplation, I observe. He''s debating about whether he should be doing something or not. My master has on a similar look whenever he considers training me, which is pretty much daily, so I should know.


    Nia Ying puts on a slightly annoyed face and walks over to him and lightly nudge him. Lu Sui-Yan looks at her upon contact and then looks back at me. He takes in a deep breath and bows toward me when he exhales. I did not miss the brief look of displeasure that he had on his face; mixed within the act of lowering his head.


    "This younger martial brother begs for Senior Brother''s forgiveness. My earlier act was inexcusable for someone of my station and it is my sincerest hopes that you''ll forgive me."


    This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    Logic decides to kick in and tell me to roll with it, even if I''m thoroughly surprise at what''s happening. My body go into auto-senior brother mode, something that master nailed into my head, while my mind celebrate on not having to die early.


    "Do not worry, Martial Brother Lu. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I interfered with the intentions of mediating the fight and ended up having to use violence. I''ve brought some fruits in hope that you''ll forgive me for that and get better soon."


    How my master trained me to spew this nonsense on a moment''s notice is beyond me, seeing as he does it subliminally when I''m sleeping, but it works great for getting the job done. Nia Ying smiles in approval to the both of our action and Lu Sui-Yan raises his head again with a troubled look. He does not gaze at my general direction anymore. I can seen that he''s agitated at having to lower his head to me. I can think of several reasons and even ask him for the reason right not but my panicky side is telling me to leave immediately; less the protagonist changes his mind.


    "You two must be hungry. You''ve skipped lunch and it''s almost dinnertime, I''ll go get you two something to eat. It might take a while though so have these buns, during the meantime."


    I listened to my panicky side and grab at the quickest excuse I can think of. My stomach offered up the first answer and I took it. I changed the answer a bit from the original thought but the main idea still stands; I get away from the protagonist, I get food and I appease the protagonist. It''s a well thought out all rounder answer that kills three birds with one bun, as expected of my stomach.


    "Thank you very much for the offer Senior Brother!"


    Nia Ying''s eyes sparkle at the mention of food and rushes to the door to open it for me. Am I in the presence of a fellow gluttonous comrade? No, I would have sensed it long earlier. This younger martial sister is a miser, one who likes free things. I should really leave these kinds of thought for later, when I''m far away from the protagonist. Putting the bag of apples here, buns next to it and leaving now. Please don''t change your mind anytime soon, protagonist! I don''t want to have a death sentence on my head!


    Nia Ying continues to happily wave me off even when I''m far across the halls. I''ll buy her something cheap.

 Even if Im alive, I still dont want to die!!

    "Do not cause anymore trouble to your martial brothers and sisters. They look up to you for guidance and advice. You should adhere to their respect by being a good role model."


    So says my venerable master as he hands me back the money I spent for lunch as well as some extra to use for myself. Having heard the speech or an alternate of it before, I simply nod in response and allow him to drone on. It''s best not to distract him in his lecturing less he goes into a lesson about something else altogether.


    There was a reason I said it might take a while to go get Nia Ying and Lu Sui-Yan their dinner. It''s because I had to go meet with master beforehand to get my pocket money back. After splurging it out at the fruit stand to buy the protagonist an unnecessary amount of fruit, the sum of money within my wallet became so pitiful, it would make even onions cry.


    "...You can leave now. Rest well, we will train early tomorrow morning."


    Finished with his daily lecture for me, he sends me off to go on my way. It only took a quarter of a burning candle stick today, approximately half an hour. I wonder if he is tired from meeting the new disciples. He wasn''t ever good with children. He wasn''t very good with me either but I was a special case.


    Visiting the inner sect''s dining hall after leaving master''s room, I ordered a large plate of dumplings, buns, pork meat, and a canister each of fruit juice and tea; a big selection depending on what the protagonist felt like eating and drinking. As expected of the inner sect, the food was readied almost immediately after I ordered it. I paid for the meal package, a package that is heavy enough to cause me to use both my hands to carry, and got a warning from the food lady to stop having these heavy kinds of midnight snacks, or else I''ll get constipation. I wave her off with a good nature laugh and told her not to worry because, for once, I won''t be the only one to finish off all the food I ordered.


    She skeptically wave me off while muttering something on the line of "see if I care" only, more archaic sounding. The walk back from the dining hall to the recovery wards was literally three minutes. Added to the amount of time that it took to get the food, it didn''t even take five minutes. Hopefully, they''ll pass off my long absence as the time it''s needed to prepare a large meal rather than me taking my time.


    I knock on the door to their room and enter a moment later when nobody answers me. A surprising thing considering how eager Nia Ying was to kick me out so that I could get food for the two of th- No, wait. Nia Ying is sitting alone in a room with the protagonist, a boy her age. They''re close friends with each other and she''s stayed with him until he woke up. Lu Sui-Yan had on a face of discomfort when I was inside the room that only had the two of them previously. Of course! I''m intruding on their private "alone time." I shouldn''t have walked in at all! Quickly, I must leav-


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Clack


    Dammit! Why are these doors so closable! I barely even nudged it!


    "Senior Brother? Did you come back already?"


    Nia Ying''s voice sounds out from inside the room. She didn''t see me since the room''s entrance is split off by a corner. The same could be said for Lu Sui-Yan as well. Neither should know that the one who entered was me but one has conviction to her voice, showing that she knows it''s me, and the other''s letting loose an insane amount of spiritual pressure, showing that he''s annoyed to know it''s me. Noooo! I screwed myself over!


    "...Yes, I''m back. Forgive me for taking so long."


    I really also wanted to say something on the line of "forgive me for intruding, please spare my life" but I left it out. I walk into the room deciding that I should quickly give the food to them and then vacate the room in a fast maybe orderly manner.


    "Ah, you brought a lot! Lu Sui-Yan, scoot over and make some room! Here, have a seat, Senior Brother."


    As if to deny me my only chance to escape, Nia Ying takes the bag of food from my hands and hand it to Lu Sui-Yan to set up while pulling me to take the seat that was between her and Lu Sui-Yan. Once again, my life flashed before my eyes.


    "...Thank you for getting the food."


    Lu Sui-Yan''s masculine protagonist''s voice pierces through my fear-induced flashbacks. I look at him in both shock and reverence. Did he just thanked me? Could it be? Did I really earn something that''s not ire from him? Mother of this body, your son has lived for another day!


    "Senior Brother, please take a seat. Let''s start eating, I''m getting hungry!"


    Nia Ying''s voice break me out of my reverie. No, I should still be cautious. Just because he thanked me once does not mean he''ll have a second thought about ending me, should I earn his hatred. I must do everything possible to stay on his good side! After all, I don''t want to have a death sentence on my head!

 So that I wont die.

    "I''ll be going now. Nia Ying, do you still remember where the residencies were within the housing halls? Good, remember to go there and get some sleep. Your instructor will meet with you and the other disciples there at... half past the hour of of the morning sheep."


    I stand by the door to Lu Sui-Yan''s recovery room and give Nia Ying a instructions for tomorrow. It took me a moment to recall what seven thirty was in this world. It was a convoluted system that used the chinese zodiacs as numbers; starting with the rat at twelve o''clock to the pig at eleven o''clock.


    Nia Ying nods in acknowledgement to my partial warning and gives me a goodnight tiding of her own as well as one for Lu Sui-Yan. I smile at her and leave. Behind me, Nia Ying continues to watch me until I turn the corner. Once I''ve rounded the wall, she slowly closes the door and continues to spend time with Lu Sui-Yan.


    Hearing her close the door, announcing that she stopped examining me, I fall to my butt with my back to the wall. My breath deepens and my eyes narrow. My chest tightens along with my deeper breaths, restricting me and a small weight lightens itself on my shoulder. A contradictory mix of reactions for a contradictory mix of emotions; a blend of both fear relieve, hopefulness, disparity and many other things.


    The dinner''s gone well or, as well as I could''ve hoped. Nia Ying talked the most and brightened up the atmosphere while Lu Sui-Yan stayed mostly silent, seeming content with just listening to the mousy girl''s words. I contributed to some conversation topics with her and kept up my image as a polite senior brother. For it having gone so well, I feel relieve.


    At the same time, I feel despair. Was I being too close to them by eating with them? Was I being to distant with how I wish to keep an image? Am I intruding too much on their private moments together? Am I being too intrusive with Lu Sui-Yan''s personal space? Am I doing something wrong?


    My fear is redundant and illogical. I know that, my logical side knows that, my mind knows that and I''ve repeated that line almost too many times since meeting the protagonist already. Lu Sui-Yan is not an unforgivable character out to ruin me, therefore, if I stay civil with him, we will have nothing to fight about. Because I know this though, I fear. I fear his supposed potential; his potential to ruin me. The future is forever uncertain and anything I do is capable of blighting me.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    Again, all of these kinds of thoughts are illogical. Why should I fear him just because the future is uncertain. If I offend him, I will apologize. If I affront him, I will ask for forgiveness. Because, no matter what, I would not willingly insult anyone, why should I fear of somehow provoking Lu Sui-Yan?


    It''s because even though I do not hate him, he seems to hate me. It''s because of the words he said before I knocked him out that I get the feelings of animosity coming from him. I don''t remember those words, just the feelings behind them. Why did he hate me so when he seems so indifferent now.


    This gap in attitude causes me to fear. But again, it wasn''t only this. I had also feared him before I discovered the gap. I feared him even before he woke up again and showed me his neutrality towards me. Why should I have feared him? Besides the illogical train of thought that dubbed him as the protagonist, what else about him is something that I should fear?


    The protagonist is weak. He has nothing that can truly harm me. There is no reason why I should fear him. As of now even in the foreseeable future, he is beneath me. He is harmless. Fear of death should be the last thing I feel from him. But why then, do I feel it? As expected, no matter how I think about it, it comes back to the line of thought, "my fear is illogical."


    "...What the hell? I didn''t get anywhere thinking about this at all."


    I grumble and stand up again. Looks like thinking about it isn''t going to do me any good. I heave a long sigh and look up to the ceiling. If I think about Lu Sui-Yan, I would still feel a slip of fear intruding my mind. The thoughts of him killing me are still there. The fear of him doing so is still there. Even after concluding that such thoughts are illogical, they''re still there.


    Again, I sigh. Let''s just stay out of Lu Sui-Yan''s way, then. Minimal contact will cause me minimal fear which would bring us all to the best solution. I will never be an antagonist, let''s aim for the npc route instead. The protagonist have no reason to kill an npc so therefore, that''s the best route to take.


    I went to the dining hall again to get some real dinner after deciding this. It was, like all other payable things within the inner sect, expensive but delicious.