《Tales of the Blood Princess (expired version)》


 V0.01 – The Highest Room of the Tallest Tower

    Chapter 1 ¨C The Highest Room of the Tallest Tower


    ¡°Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love''s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon''s keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love''s first kiss.¡±


    ¨C Shrek


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    ¡°AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaah¡­¡­!!!!¡±


    An angry screech echoed loudly through the dusty corridors and rooms of the abandoned fortress. Startled crows and bats emerged from the dark woods surrounding the crumbling castle walls, rapidly crowding the sky already filled with ominous thunderclouds, while packs of phantom wolves howled in response to the inhuman shriek.


    On said walls, patrolling green goblins flinched at the sound and a couple of half-asleep two-storey high chained mountain trolls looked around in confusion. In the courtyard past the main gate, lying skeletons slightly tilted their ever-smiling heads towards the top of the obsidian tower, standing in the middle of the inner fort.


    Inside the main hall, decaying undead guards growled menacingly without targets. Some agitated nervously their crude rusted weapons, ultimately resulting in a slow-paced but gruesome brawl. Further in, two massive armoured dullahans lifted their severed head to glance at each other before warily turning towards the thick black metal door behind them, but didn¡¯t dare opening it.


    Had they done so, one could have looked upon the old throne room. Damaged colonnades filled the place, some already fallen, some soon to follow. Tattered pieces of cloth hang here and there, vestiges of the banners of long forgotten powerhouses.


    In front of the broken royal chair, a giant abstruse magical circle pulsated with a nauseous purple glow, and behind it, once hidden by the marble throne, opened an obscure and narrow hallway that led to a spiral staircase. Several landings and locked doors upstairs, one would reach an archway obstructed by surprisingly well-conserved blood red veil embroidered with a dark blue rose.


    Past the archway was a round, well-furnished, well-kept bedroom, one suited for a young lady of noble birth, strikingly out of place in this cursed, ruined and monster-filled keep. All was in tones of red and blue. Wine coloured carpet and eerie tapestries with intricate patterns covered the black stone floor and walls. Carmine curtains with duke blue lace hang on each side of the shutter-less window.


    The furniture were of rosewood with cobalt ornaments. A worktable occupied the space near the window, opposite of bookshelves filled with sets of identical thick blood red tomes, which spines were decorated with the same gracious-looking dark blue rose. A large wardrobe stood next to an elegant, currently undone, four poster bed. A cheval glass <1> with a subtly engraved frame, a beautiful cushioned chair and a small round table, with a single simple crystal cup on top of it, completed the scene. A lustre of rubies and sapphires hang from the ceiling. The rubies were faintly glowing, lighting up the chamber and diffusing a soothing warmth.


    In this seemingly peaceful abode, a silhouette was ragingly pacing back and forth, mumbling unintelligible gibberish, sometimes randomly shouting and screeching inarticulate curses, when bothering to try to form words at all.


    Suddenly stopping by the worktable, like struck by some foreboding revelation, the figure glared hatefully at the quiet piece of furniture. The kind of look one would give to the murderer of their child, or the rapist of their sister, both of which the desk was probably innocent of.


    A hand was slowly lifted into the air, forming a fist, before violently slamming down, akin to an angry god¡¯s hammer of judgement brought down upon the damned of this world. The fist connected loudly with the wood, and, for a couple seconds, nothing happened. Then a small cracking sound rang in the now silent room, immediately followed by a loud:


    ¡°AAAAAAAAAAAAOouch!!! Are you fucking kidding me?! You bloody piece of wood! You¡¯re nothing but a dead plant and you dare¡­aie¡­ha..ha¡­you DARE break my mighty fist ! Just you wait, I will teach you¡­¡±


    After shamelessly insulting the abused secretary for several minutes, rolling on the floor holding the injured member, crying, and disgracefully snorting, the visibly mentally unstable desk-puncher stood up carefully, his breath short.


    ¡°Ah..ah..ah¡­ What¡¯s with this ridiculously low stamina? Seriously¡­¡±


    Finally up, he let out a sigh.


    ¡°Fuuuh¡­Holy sh-¡±


    Abruptly, a head-splitting pain erupted between his temples, and the ground disappeared, only to unexpectedly and brutally become acquainted with his left cheek.


    ¡°What the hell?! Ah..ah..ah..ah¡­¡± he exclaimed, quite stunned. ¡°Anyway, thank god for the carp-¡±


    Just as the pain was receding, a new wave of hurt submerged him, knocking him out.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    As he emerged from a dreamless black void, he calmly opened his eyes and, unmoving, fixed the glowing gemstone lustre while pondering on what just happened. Recollecting what he knew of his current predicament, as well as his latest actions, he racked his mistreated brain to make sense of the situation.


    Despite the craziness of his earlier behaviour, not without reason by the way, this failure of a desk-slayer wasn¡¯t stupide, quite the opposite. He just had a tendency to consciously cloud his own judgement when unwilling to face reality, which would lead other to misunderstand him. One could call him irresponsible. He himself preferred to consider himself ¡°to lazy to care about the consequences¡±. Instead of constantly worrying over small things, he liked to follow his own pace, then deal with the resulting problems in place and time when they arouse.


    For example, he would gladly exchange a week of light everyday anxiety for six days of peaceful bliss and a day of nerve-racking panic. Not to say he wasn¡¯t hardworking or caring. No. He could be so, but only for things he took personal interest in. In such cases, he would abandon himself to the object of his attention, deliberately occulting everything else, burying himself single-mindedly into his own joyful heaven, until he lost interest, run out of source material, or was forcefully brought back to the mortal realm to face the unavoidable aftermath of his carelessness.


    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    Up to now, he had always managed to survive relatively unscathed thanks to his wits, and an odd sense of values. He subconsciously knew, however, that his way of life would cost him one day. Not that he¡¯d worry too much over it though.


    ¡°Now then. I think I¡¯ve got this figured out.¡±


    Still on the floor, he braced himself for what was about to come and uttered a single word: ¡°Heave-¡±


    Without even letting him finish, the ungodly agony took over. Starting from the top of his nose, the pain spread to the rest of his head, invading his skull and making his teeth clatter, before going down his throat to grasp his lungs and heart, pushing the air out of his body and disrupting his pulse, stabbing his guts, frying his leg muscles and finally exiting through his feet. The whole process didn¡¯t took more than a split second, but he felt every excruciating step of it, as if time itself slowed down to torment him further.


    That¡¯s it! he thought victoriously¡­ and passed out.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Light came back in the world.


    Religious word, uh? Go figure¡­ ¡®Guess it¡¯s logic¡­ from a certain point of view at least, especially in my condition.


    ¡°Better watch my mouth. Good thing there¡¯s a time limit to unconsciousness. Nnng ! Fuuuuh¡­¡±


    He tried to get up with effort, sighting. Holding onto the worktable, to which he addressed a quick apology, he managed to attain a swaying upright posture.


    ¡°Fucking weakling¡± he mumbled. ¡°Although I can see it becoming useful from a training standpoint, it¡¯ll have to wait until I get a better understanding of this whole mess. You screwed big time on this one, Elric. It was suspicious and too good to be true? OF COURSE IT WAS! But did that stop you?? OF COURSE NOT!!! COUGH cough...ah¡­ah¡­can¡¯t even..ah..scream in peace..ah¡­ Damn curse¡­AH!¡±


    Mmmh? Oh. So only ¡°good guys¡± words are forbidden, is it? Well¡­ Better keep my cursing to ¡°hell¡±, ¡°damn¡±, and good old earthly ¡°fuck¡± and ¡°shit¡±. Careful with ¡°holy shit¡±, though.


    Elric slowly made his way to the bed, feebly moving one feet after another, nearly tripping himself half a dozen times, and collapsed onto the salutary softness, disturbing the bedding even further but not caring in the slightest.  He was exhausted after almost two hours of solitary ranting and heated augment with himself, to which he could also gloriously add his cracked right hand, as well as three heavenly Tasers, one taken willingly.


    F¡¯cking genius¡­


    Grumbling and mumbling, the ¡°F¡¯cking genius¡± eventually got his mighty self together. Still in a very inglorious position, laying on the bed front first, his arms limb along his body and his butt stuck up in the air, he raised his head and rested his chin on the bed sheet.


    His eyes met another pair, bewitching, slightly slanting, with blood red iris surrounded by deep dark blue crowns, sending their sinking cobalt thorns across the sea of sanguine fluid, towards the bottomless black pupils that were twitching with each lash movement, alternating between a human roundness and the vertical oval-shaped slit suited for cats and demons.


    After losing himself for a few seconds in those living gemstones, he shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and asked, with a voice covered in a stodgy layer of irony: ¡°You know¡­ It¡¯s also partially your fault. Anything to say in your defence? Or some hint to get me rid of the bloody curse? It¡¯s yours, no? So¡­mmmh¡­how do we deal with this, hey? Lady Victoria?¡±


    Without responding, the silent young beauty facing him continued to glare strait into his eyes, a scornful look on her doll-like face and a hint of pity in her enchanting eyes.


    ¡°Tsk.¡±


    Well, it¡¯s not like ¡°she¡± would know anything anyway¡­


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Cheval glass:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <hr />


    Sooooo¡­. This is the first chapter/prologue-thingy. I originally intended it to be longer, but it got too long and that was the best place I thought of to cut it, since the next chapter(s) is (/are) going to be a flash-back leading to his earlier nervous breakdown.


    I intended it to be a short introduction, but I get side-tracked easily and continuously add text. The following chapters will most certainly be longer. As far as I can judge myself, I think my story telling is slow paced, with a lot of thought process from my characters or about them, pertinent or not. I¡¯ll try to keep it pertinent though.


    Any suggestion or criticism is welcome. I have the plot outlined for the foreseeable future, but it¡¯s more of a frame and the content will vary following my mood, inspirations and notes taken from ephemeral ideas crossing my dusty brain at random, so if you ¨D Yes, YOU, public ¨D want something, do ask, by all means.


    I probably won¡¯t comply with your request in any visible way, but your gentle comments and hate declarations are sure to influence my reflection at a subliminal level. Aren¡¯t you happy to engage in low level mind control, you little FF-fed psychopaths?!


    Eeeeh¡­Where was¡­ Ah, yes, criticism. I know I¡¯m by no way perfect, so do send, I¡¯ll do my best to better my <del>migh</del>humble self. The slow-paceness and side-trackingism probably won¡¯t change though, so if it doesn¡¯t put you off, please stick with me, if it does don¡¯t. Concerning the form, I¡¯m fairly confident in my orthography, but I always stumble on the conjugation (NB: If I don¡¯t, just don¡¯t say anything, don¡¯t try to reassure me, please). Idem with the font, etc. Don¡¯t hesitate to nit-pick.


    Without further ado, let me offer you my utmost gratitude for your reading, and I shall proceed swiftly with the writing of the following chapter.


    (GOD...that was pompous...)

 V0.02 – Erwyn of the Dead

    Chapter 2 ¨C Erwyn of the Dead


    ¡±Past the streams of Oceanus they went, past the rock Leucas, past the gates of the sun and the land of dreams, and quickly came to the mead of asphodel, where the spirits dwell, phantoms of men who have done with toils.¡±


    ¨C Odyssey 24, Homer


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Three weeks before breakdown (IGT) <1>


    Elric was resting against a split rock, catching his breath while contemplating the ravaged area. An unnatural silence weight down on the scene. Not a single bird was singing. Not even a fly could be heard. The once peaceful-looking [Sacred Oak Grove] had transformed into a thoroughly trashed clearing, oddly circular, and littered with fallen trees, uprooted stomps, piles of charred smashed corpses and broken bones half sunken into the blood-mixed sticky mud.


    He sighted.


    *Flash-back that goes ¡°woosh¡±*


    The lich was unexpectedly fierce. It relied on its superior speed and small bone frame to constantly evade his glowing Zweih?nder <2> coated with holy light. Bombarded by a storm of necrotic spells, Elric was reduced to defending his life, waiting for the skeletal bastard to empty its mana pool.


    However, each time the deadly barrage had seemed to weaken, his cunning assailant had raised countless undead minions to obstruct its mighty pissed foe. As if to further mock Elric, the grinning osseous asshole would then proceed to chill out, sitting on top of a nearby tree, looking down on melee. If popcorn had been available, Elric would surely have heard not-so-discreet background crunching sounds over the wails of the encircling filthy horde.


    The opponent¡¯s strategy was simple, yet annoyingly efficient against a solo player such has himself. Especially so taking into account the endless stamina of the undead. The solitary knight wasn¡¯t in his top condition either. For hours, he had been running throughout the woods, facing battle after battle in an uninterrupted fashion. If this situation continued any longer, the balance would irreversibly shift in favour of the mini-boss, and Challenger Elric would then lose and die a gruesome death.


    Since his already-mistreated self-esteem wouldn¡¯t allow such conclusion, he had resolved himself. Disregarding his safety, he gave his whole in a last desperate attempt to restore his crumbling honour. Lifting his sword towards the menacing sky, he had chanted a power-filled invocation. As soon as the words left his mouth, a shining dome of amber light materialised and closed around himself and his opponent, delimiting an impenetrable and inescapable ¡ª and well lit ¡ª battlefield.


    [Sun Arena]:


    An efficient spell, given its negligible mana-cost, yet one Elric wouldn¡¯t gladly use because of its restrictions. In fact, the virtually unbreakable barrier couldn¡¯t be invoked unless his health dropped under 10%, and wouldn¡¯t disappear until either himself or his target died¡­ or redied¡­ or rest in peace/pieces¡­ or whatever was said about defeated undead. In short, a do or die last resort, labelled ¡°Please use when you¡¯re screwed anyway¡±.


    With his bane finally pinned down, but no more escape path, while continuously slicing and crushing wave after wave of crawling minions, Elric threw all the AoE offensive spells he knew into the enclosed space, certain the bony fucker wouldn¡¯t be able to evade them this time!


    Mouhahahahaha!!!


    Laughing hysterically, taking blows after blows, he ravaged the area, eventually turning everything into a bloody mess.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *Back to present*


    His health and stamina sufficiently recovered, Elric rose from the ground, and moved away from the wasted blessed rock. He then proceeded to gather the loot left behind by his unyielding and feral adversary and his gory henchmen.


    ¡°But man¡­ Who knew even squirrels could turn into liches?¡±


    Squirrel? That¡¯s right. The all-powerful foe, the near-invincible enemy warranting all this mindless deforestation, were the animated remains of a commonly inoffensive sciuridae, often known for its unhealthy addiction to hazelnuts. How did it come to this?


    *Reflash-back*


    When Elric first stumbled across the forest path swarming with undead critters, he burst into laughter, as the scene somehow called out to his dysfunctional sense of humour. His laughing fit lasted about five seconds, until a [Dead Bear Knight], all of bones and smoke, and wearing a crooked helmet, suddenly jumped him from behind a bush. Elric barely had the time to take half of a defensive stance, before being propelled against a tree. Stunned and covered with dirt, leaves, and a few fallen insects, he got up to face the fleshless plantigrade. Ready to evade the next blow, he felt an unexpected wet and slimy touch, creeping on his unprotected cheek, accompanied by a rapidly spreading dizziness.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>You have been poisoned by [Zombie Snail].</td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Huh?!¡±


    Surprised, he let down his guard and was sent flying once more. Thankfully, he got back to his senses fast, his training kicking in. Twisting his body in mid-air, he reached for the ground and made a well-controlled, textbook perfect recovery. He wasn¡¯t in any mood to appreciate the feat though.


    ¡°What was THAT?!?! YOU¡­ freakin¡¯ SNAIL!? ¡®OW DAWE YOU!¡±


    Feeling humiliated, Elric had squashed the impudent mollusc, spraying his face with decayed muck.


    This might be slightly overreacting, but being hurt by a thumb-sized zombie while fighting a three metres tall grizzly corpse somewhat left a dent in his psyche. Roaring, without even unsheathing his sword, he pivoted back towards the bear and ragingly rammed his fist in its snout. The lucky critical hit actually managed to pulverize the skull of the beast, which collapsed.


    The rest of the day was rather blurry in Elric¡¯s memory. On a berserk rampage, he roamed the woods erratically, clearing it from its filth. Wielding the full potential of his hidden elemental-godless-paladin-ish class, he mowed, punched, trampled, burnt and beamed the undead to oblivion, only hindered by their sheer number and weird diversity. Most encounters actually managed to damage his ego further than his health. Difficult to remain unfazed when constantly assaulted by irregular creatures such as the [Armoured Rotting Cockroach], the [Dullahan Chicken], the [Not-so-fluffy-anymore Bunny], and even a dangerous named monster, called [Famished Man-Eating Platypus ¡°Perry¡±].


    This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    As the sun came down, he eventually ran across the Sacred Grove, where the zone mini-boss greeted him with a maniacal squeaky giggle, that it probably intended to be some fear-inducing evil laugh. The knee-high, caped ¡ª Why ?! ¡ª, [Mighty Immortal Squirrel Lich ¡°???¡±], was striking a pose, bony arms lifted towards the canopy, as if to state what a grandiose overlord he was. It looked kind of endearing. At this point, Elric didn¡¯t knew what to do anymore. Was he supposed to laugh, cry, or simply walk to the small necromancer, pat it on the skull and gently praise him for its tentative threatening display?


    His hesitation was cut short when the nevertheless high level critter ¡ª probably pissed not to get the expected reaction from its long-awaited audience ¡ª launched a ghastly greenish howling fireball at the unprepared Elric. Without further ado, a tired knight charged at a prideful evil chipmunk, starting the final battle. ~ Epic music playing ~


    *End of FB, for now*


    With his inventory filled with weird loot ¡ª All the lich had dropped was a [Cursed Fated Acorn]. What the hell?! ¡ª Elric exited the devastated battleground. After reaching a less-post-apocalyptic-looking area, and clearing it of the butchered corpses of lesser critters with a sweep of [Holy K?rcher Beam] (tentative name), he set up a camp, repaired his mistreated equipment, and cooked what little food he had left. Two weeks of random wandering and unnecessarily copious meals had taken its toll on his reserves. They were now reduced to three loafs of rancid bread, as well as some edible herbs he had picked along the way. So, to be fair, ¡°cooking¡± was a bit of an overstatement.


    At night, the underfed knight would dream of raining boar-steaks, flying deer-skewers, rivers of rabbit stew, and sexy roasted chicken dancing the cancan. He usually hunted for meat, however it wasn¡¯t possible in his current location. The whole Kingdom of Erwyn was plagued with undead ¡ª the ¡°normal¡± kind, not the wannabe fluffy and gothic cute kind. All wildlife had fled long ago or been devoured, leaving only corpses wandering around. And no one in his right mind would dare consume undead flesh, as it was highly poisonous¡­ and tasted horrible, ask Elric. The only place around where one could find a decent solid meal was in one of the fortified Erwynian townships.


    Before his unfortunate¡­eeeh¡­encounter with the soulless varmints and their pompous nut job of an overlord, Elric had been on his way to the town of Cali. His map located its eastern gate about two days of steady walking away from the place where he ran into the bear. However, hours of madly trashing around in the damned woods rendered him utterly and mercilessly¡­ lost. As a matter of fact, there was no mention of any sacred grove on the map ¡ª nor was there much of a grove left to speak of, for all that mattered. By the way, he only knew the name of the place because of a pop-up window that had congratulated him for being the first to discover it, along with a bonus of [+100 Fame], nearly causing him to be hit by Squirrellord¡¯s first ghost ball.


    Lucky me¡­


    Having finished dry-cleaning his tableware, Elric put them away and took out his sleeping bag, and laid it on the bare ground. He didn¡¯t bother with a tent, as the weather was quite nice tonight. ¡°Nice¡±, by Erwynian standards though, meaning simply ominously cloudy, not a single star visible, but without apparent risk of sudden wild killer thunderstorm appearing.


    Seriously... Why can¡¯t a fallen country have some welcoming climate, for once? An undead is still an undead, even under the sun¡­well no¡­that would often be a pile of ashes, but still¡­ Is it like a side close in every bloody dark spell, or something?


    ¡°¡­ and may your children be cursed up to days untold ... yada yada yada ¡­ your bodies rot alive ¡­ yada yada yada ¡­ your cattle vomit blood through their asses ¡­ yada yada ¡­ three-leg puppies ¡­ yada ¡­ cancelling One Piece ¡­ frogs ¡­ fire ¡­ locust ¡­ plague ¡­ death to first born ¡ª made a killing in Egypt, this one ¡ª ¡­ porridge ¡­ no cell phone ¡­ misplaced aches and haemorrhoids ¡­ small Lego ¡­ tuberculosis ¡­ leprosy ¡­ gangrene ¡­ Violetta ¡­ no more toilet paper ¡­ yadi yada ¡­ da ¡­ AH! ... and formation of rain-/thunderclouds over most of the country, with high chances of depressing sudden precipitations, fog, storm, floods, occasional meteorite fall, and a shitload of pointless stuff, just to set the mood, you know... The winds shall suddenly change from violent, blowing North, South, East AND West at the same time, to hazardously stagnant and stinky with no compromising in-between. That¡¯s all for today folks. See you tomorrow and we wish you a disagreeable evening listening to our Mind Control Channel!¡±¡­


    Yeah¡­well¡­ Complaining is all well and good, but what do I do now?


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> In Game Time


    <2> The Zweih?nder (German for "two hander", also called Two handed sword), is a two-handed sword in the true meaning of the term, because it requires two hands to wield, unlike other large swords that are wielded with two hands but can also be wielded with one.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <hr />


    The idea crossed my mind of having you guys guess the origin of the opening quote of each chapter, like a game with a small prize or sth, but you <del>lazy ass</del> ingenious, and most precious, readers would probably just Google the whole damn thing, so to hell with that.


    Aside from that, thanks for sticking with me and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.03 – Worldly Concerns, part 1

    Chapter 3 ¨C Worldly Concerns


    Part 1


    ¡°I¡¯m bored¡¯ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you¡¯ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you¡¯re alive is amazing, so you don¡¯t get to say ¡®I¡¯m bored.¡±


    ¨C Louis C.K.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Still three weeks before breakdown (IGT)


    The vast woods were quiet like Death itself, all of it entirely occupied by the Undead. Well not entirely! One indomitable adventurer¡¯s small campsite still held out against the invaders. And death was not easy for the legions of undead who roam the forests of the Kingdom of Erwyn!


    Well¡­ That was mostly wishful thinking on Elric¡¯s part though. In all truth, mobs under the control of a boss or mini-boss would take at least two IG days to respawn after their overlord was killed, similarly to most dungeons. Another possibility, less frequent, was for the commander to be some sort of unique creature or onetime event, in which case they a priori never came back. The monsters of the surrounding areas would then slowly expand their territories, filling the newly vacant zone. Either way, Elric was a priori safe, which didn¡¯t stop him from warding his camp.


    ¡°Irresponsible, yes. Overconfident, no.¡±


    He didn¡¯t want to be taken aback by the sudden aggression of an [A-Piori-Not-There Slasher Spectre] that didn¡¯t read the memo.


    He picked another lying piece of wood, drop of a [Withered Treant], threw it in the campfire, and crouched next to it, admiring the perfectly rendered virtual flames as they devour the likewise unsuspectedly software-created crackling log. For a while he stayed like this, lost in thoughts, before stepping back a bit. Blinking to rid his eyes of the afterimage, he opened his inventory and took out his map. To any onlooker, it would have seemingly appeared out of thin air.


    Elric smirked at the thought.


    This little trick never got old. Of course, in areas with high player-density, NPCs where too blas¨¦ to care, but in backwater villages, where adventurers were scarce, kids loved his little illusionist act. For that purpose, he always kept with him a few candies and dolls, sitting in his inventory next to other notoriously useless stuff. He actually made the puppets himself, over time raising both his sewing and tailoring skill to intermediate and even the sub-skill [Doll Making] to advanced.


    He would gather the children of a village, and make the toys pop into existence while striking flashy poses and mumbling nonsensical incantations, enjoying himslef under the ¡°Oooooh¡±s and ¡°Aaaaaaah¡±s of the mesmerized audience. The little spectators, each clutching a little cloth dummy, would then rush back to showcase their new treasure to their parents, who of course were watching at a distance ¨C Never let your kids alone with a suspicious-looking man promising toys and candies¡­


    One funny detail though: As a man with a very vague notion of the monetary value of things, Elric would always use the nearest available material to craft his dolls. Often, that ended up being the spoils from his latest kill. A batch of unicorn hair worth 200 gold? Perfect this elf¡¯s braid. Wyvern skin worth 5 000? The scally pattern worked wonders as this little knight¡¯s armour. [Giant Mite] wing? A gown for a princess. [Tiger King] fangs? This little green-clad fellow could use a carved ocarina. Most of his creations therefore were luxurious enough as not to be out of place in any noble¡¯s house, but were instead being played with and dragged through the dirt by clueless village children. Not that Elric ever gave it much thought.


    With his heightened couturier¡¯s skills, he had also crafted himself a long mantle, trousers, and a conic woollen-like hat, of course out of the pelts of a [Blazing Red Grizzly] and a [White Moon Wolf], two of the most dangerous, and, predictably enough, highly marketable monsters he could find ¨C It wasn¡¯t on purpose, really. He wore the set on snowy days, entering villages carrying a huge doll-filled bag over his shoulder, ringing a beautiful, clear-sounding set of bells ¨C the [Sanctified Carillon of Cleansing], long lost treasure of the Church of Astrea ¨C with his face covered by a fake beard made of the leftover moon wolf fur. He would then proceed to distribute the content of his bag, while laughing a loud ¡°OH OH OH!¡± His behaviour perplexed the NPCs. They of course couldn¡¯t get the joke, but Elric never cared. He got his kick out of it, and that¡¯s all that mattered.


    ¡°If there¡¯s fun to have, take it! If not, make it!¡± That was Elric¡¯s gaming philosophy. One could say that progress and efficiency had always been the last thing on his mind when roaming the vast game world.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Shaking off his reveries, the still-very-much-lost knight *slash* wannabe Santa concentrated his thoughts on the map in his hand. Unfolding it, he frowned as the ambient darkness wasn¡¯t exactly reading-friendly. He sighted and casted his favourite minor lighting spell, [Lantern of the Selfish One]. A small orb of amber light immediately came hovering around his head, diffusing a faint glow only visible to himself. Very useful when camping outside in a hostile area. Thieves would often use a magical item with similar effects, namely the [Hand of Glory]. Possessing this creepy-looking alternative was one of Elric secret wishes. ¨C Supposedly, the design was cool¡­ ¨C Sadly for him, all undead-related objects would instantaneously crumble under the effect of his [Cleansing Solar Touch].


    This passive skill couldn¡¯t be deactivated, and the godless paladin had more than once destroyed presumably invaluable artefacts because of his carelessness ~tehee~ *knock his head, tong peeking out*. Being the only person he knew to suffer from this particular problem, Elric had guessed it to be some side effect from his hidden class. Indeed, having all the powers of a holly knight without any of the usual restrictions would probably have been way too broken if not for a few unwieldy quirks.


    Making the best out of a condition he couldn¡¯t change, Elric was still quite satisfied with his orange ¨C salutarily mute ¨C Kokiri-ish fairy, which he affectionately baptized ¡°Ma Sunny¡±. It also had the non-negligible advantage of being hands-free, thus giving him a clear upper hand ¨C no pun intended ¨C in fights where he could perfectly see the enemy, while they remain in the dark.


    Under the warm light, Elric studied the map spread on his lap, trying to figure out where the hell he was. The cheap, amateurishly drawn, travel-mistreated piece of parchment unfortunately only outlined the main features, roads and towns of the region centred on Cali. The other nearby cities were namely Kelborg in the North, Ashen in the North-East, and Dalh somewhat in the West-South-West. All three stood about three weeks on foot from Cali. The South-East was a big inkless mystery which he had intended to thoroughly explore after getting some fresh supplies. His last stop had been in Ashen, which was also where he got the map. He had some magical auto-editing ones, of course, but those were consumables. Once filled, they would stay that way. So he kept them for dungeons and the likes.


    The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    Eventually spotting his location, he learnt he was now in the [Lost Woods]. The irony didn¡¯t escape him. Although, to be fair, given the current state of the country, most of the landmarks had been colourfully renamed. The chances were thus not that low for one to find himself agonising in the [Forest of Utmost Despair], or to be ripped open on the shores of the [Lake of Spilled Guts], not to mention the [Chasm of AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa¡­]<1>. ¡°Lost¡± was in fact quite a mild denomination in this god forsaken place.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The road Elric followed from Ashen first snaked for a while among low hills.  Those were infested with herds of [Squared Stallion] and [Night Mare]. If unlucky, one could even come across an occasional named [Erring Fallen Steed ¡°XXX¡±]. But apparently someone forgot to tell the latter about the ¡°occasional¡± bit. On his way, [Unamused Elric] had successively faced ¡°Candy¡±, ¡°Tornado¡±, ¡°Chance¡±, ¡°Rocky¡±, ¡°Bella¡±, ¡°Edward¡±, ¡°Mister Joe¡±, ¡°Lady¡±, ¡°Jack¡±, ¡°Rossie¡±, ¡°Blacky¡±, ¡±Dakota¡±, ¡°Cl¨¦ment-Gauthier de Longchamp Troisi¨¨me du Nom¡±, ¡°Stormy¡±, ¡°Magic¡±,   two ¡°Zephyr¡±, three ¡°Missy¡±, SEVEN ¡°Princess¡±, as well as a very weary-looking one, even by undead standards, bearing the self-esteem-shattering name of ¡°Asparagus¡± ¨C the poor hack was granted a swift death.


    The winding lane then reached the [Lost Wood], crossing it straight to Cali. ¡°Road¡±, or even ¡°lane¡±, was actually quite a praising term to describe the large bumpy grass-filled dirt path. In fact, most of the Erwynian travel-ways had long since fallen in disrepair. Nobody used them anymore, except for some intrepid messengers. Commerce was inexistent and each township was auto-sufficient. Its inhabitants would live their whole lives without ever leaving the security of their hometown and its spell-reinforced walls. Even the king had at some point given up on sending tax collectors.


    The ¡°Kingdom¡± of Erwyn was now kingdom in name only. Since several decades ago, it had become no more than a collection of city-states coexisting in an inescapable hellhole. The royal family still supposedly existed, but, even if that was true, they only ruled over the capital Shaun, and the rest of the country really didn¡¯t care much.


    The cause of this unique predicament was mainly geographical. If Elric hadn¡¯t been yet able to determine the origins of the morbid pandemic, nor the date of its initial outbreak for that matter, the reason was pretty damn obvious as to why the disease/curse never spread past the border. Same thing with why the citizens didn¡¯t flee, or more correctly couldn¡¯t. Anyone with a continental map and a bit of knowledge about monster demography could tell.


    The whole kingdom, the [Erwynian Plateau] in fact ¨C Discovery: +1000 Fame. Yeah¡­ ¨C , was part of gigantic highlands, the [Tiamat Mountain Range], and surrounded by an essentially impassable, and completely undead-proof, uneven wall of rock. Its summit was furthermore populated by myriads of very very high level monsters.


    The natural barrier had spared the rest of the continent, but trapped the population inside. Elric wasn¡¯t sure the ¡°outside¡± was even aware of the existence of this secluded nation, let alone its catastrophic circumstances. For what he had seen of the realm so far, it looked frozen in time, with centuries of retard compared to the rest of the Continent. This pointed towards an absence of contact going back far before the ¡°Great Demise¡±, as the locals called it. Difficult to say who in the world even remembered this shitty remote piece of Hell.


    As for adventurers, to say they were scarce would be an understatement. Truth be told, even if they could, nobody would voluntarily enter a country where only walking corpses of all sorts could be found. Undead were very unpopular ¨C poor them ¨C amongst players. They were ugly, stinky, far too resistant, and casted all sorts of debuffs. On top of that, they only gave measly experience, and even less interesting loot, since most of it would be broken, rusted, rotten, or cursed ¨C Seriously, it¡¯s not like it was their fault: ¡°NO¡± to discrimination against zombies!


    In a word like in a thousand, it would take an idiot with half a damaged brain and a serious death fetish ¨C in more than one meaning ¨C to wander around in this crazy immense Graveyard Surprise Party. Well, guess who was the one and only adventurer dumb enough to do so?


    F¡¯cking genius!


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> The French-speaking readers might get the small tribute to ¡°Reflet d¡¯Acide</a>¡±.


    <hr />


    How can so many handwritten pages turn into so little text is clearly outside of the realm of my understanding¡­


    This one was probably less funny I guess. It¡¯s not like I really seek the jokes, so I¡¯m not sure.


    On a side note, in the eventual occurrence of someone accusing me of plagiarising Fantasia¡¯s Fey with Elric¡¯s mind-set, I won¡¯t deny she¡¯s by far my favourite character on this site. I try my best not to steal ideas, Elric is his own character, but some concepts lingering in my subconscious might influence my writing. So if I inadvertently upset anyone, I beg for their forgiveness¡­


    ¡­


    ¡­


    ¡­


    ¡­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! How could I... How COULD I even compare my half-assed scatterbrain poor excuse of a holly knight Elric with the glorious warrior goddess of random Fey-sama?!


    I¡¯m going to hang myself.


    Where is that rope?! I was sure I¡¯d put it in the fridge, next to the chainsaw and Aunt Meg ¨C oh¡­ Hi aunty.


    Well¡­whatever¡­ I¡¯m going to make amends by improving my style so that I can proudly stand by the Greats! Just you wait unice5656</a>, and you too NaughtyHippy</a>!


    Sooo¡­anyway, thanks for your support and see you next¡­well next time.


    (Schmetterling!! I ended up being presumptuous again didn¡¯t I? Have I no shame?)


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.04 – Worldly Concerns, part 2

    Chapter 4 ¨C Worldly Concerns


    Part 2


    ¡±God saw all that he had made,


    and it was very good.¡±


    ¨C Genesis 1.31


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Well¡­yeah¡­still the same day


    A lone adventurer in a fallen kingdom, a cursed land, an oblivion forsaken by its gods! A single man among men, standing by himself against the immortal legions of the Undead! An unyielding proud warrior lost in the woo¡­ *cough*. Anyway¡­ Whatever his situation may be, the fact remains that Elric was the one and only ¡°adventurer¡±, meaning player, in Erwyn ¨C Erwyn is a country, not a person, please don¡¯t forget that, things would get uncomfortable.


    The reason behind this outrageous monopoly? One could think of the overall dislike of corpsy disembowelled mobs. However, first, it wouldn¡¯t be enough to keep everyone out of such a huge place ¨C Elric wasn¡¯t the only weirdo around, after all ¨C and, second, nobody actually knew there were undead here, or a whole freaking kingdom for that matter. The [Tiamat Mountain Range]? It played its part, of course, but the gigantic and indirectly-homicidal pile of rocks only assisted with a phenomenon that rooted deep in the gameplay of Untold Tales itself: the existence of the ¡°Frontline¡±.


    What was this frontline? To understood, one needed to go back a few months¡­no¡­almost a full year in the past.


    Presently, a bit more than six month had passed since the ¨C best eva¡¯ ¨C VRMMORPG¡¯s Grand Release. It had been a worldwide event. Some countries even declared the date a national holyday. It was a day of extravagant advertisement, crazed geeks, and interminable waiting in line in front of stores under the scorching summer sun in sweaty underwear. A day of heartlessly mutilated purses, of eviscerated wallets and butchered piglets. A day of strict parents and wailing kids. A day of fear, a day of suffering, but a day of joy. It was the pinnacle of modern society and a nice little spoiler of Hell.


    The reason for this madness was a small ¡°demo¡± published four months prior on the VRN, the Virtual Reality Network. The latter was shop of sorts. One accessible from most capsules and headsets, where bored gamers with too much life could purchase cheap entertainment produced by amateurs and second-rated companies. This barren cemetery of unknown dusty software was where Untold Tales made his quiet d¨¦but, being more than underground at first. That, however, wasn¡¯t meant to last.


    All it took was a single screenshot, posted on a random forum, and the internet¡­broke. How could such level of realism even exist?! This ought to be a hoax, a deception, a fake. War erupted between believers and haters. The reaction was unprecedentedly insane, which, knowing what crawling insanity can be found on the web, did meant something.


    A peace treaty was eventually drafted when a renowned scholar, head of the VR Department of the University of Oxford, specialized in virtual imagery, ascertained the legitimacy of the incriminated assemblage of pixels ¨C some doubted the legitimacy of the man himself, but those trolls were quickly put down¡­definitively. So the unthinkable came true. Oceans split. Stars fell. Cows gave birth to yodelling baboons. Jammed toasts fell jelly side up¡­well¡­no¡­but this was the real deal.


    Not that Virtual Reality was anything new. Far from it.


    First invented two decades ago for military purpose, like most things, it had rapidly found applications in the medical field, and, of course, the entertainment industry. So, UT didn¡¯t blew the world¡¯s collective mind for what it was, but for how ahead of anything existent this game was. Even the US army¡¯s latest toy, claimed to be as close to reality as humanly possible, their prided ARTM, as in ¡°Augmented Reality Training Module¡±, paled in comparison. And this absurd level of realism wasn¡¯t found only in the graphics, but in every aspects of the game, from the basic five senses to interaction with NPCs.


    On a global scale, hackers, private and governments¡¯, immediately riveted themselves to their computers, eager to pierce UT¡¯s iron defence, only to be embarrassingly bitch-slapped by its impregnable firewall. The protection itself was apparently made of algorithms so abstruse and advanced some even suggested alien origins.


    The next logical step was to locate the servers themselves, which comparatively ended up being facepalmingly easy. The impossible binary wonder was in no time traced back to an industrial basement, in Los Tenor, California. The place was rented by a small makeshift company registered under the name ¡°Whatever Incorporated¡±, clearly displaying a whooping zero fuck given to public image.


    Feverish people swarmed the place like dying dehydrated camels sighting a blue oasis.


    Medias, contractors of all boards, simple onlookers and nerd-pilgrims lay siege to the building, all hoping to themselves make the first contact with the possibly unclassified techno-lifeforms hidden behind those concrete walls. All sorts of offerings were presented ¨C business proposals mostly ¨C but to no avail. The gate to enlightenment remained hermetically closed.


    After days of unfruitful nerve-wrecking wait, God¡¯s prophet finally rose from the masses, in the person of the mysterious representative of the local ¡°Gaming Ninja Mag¡±. The brave, all clad in black, approached to the inflexible oracle. Through a secret ancient technique, more commonly known as jutsu, obscure to ordinary humans and involving an enigmatic parallelepipedic artefact as well as wondrous incantations, he was granted access to the inner sanctum. The multitude of the unworthy could only gawk in awe as the chosen one disappeared inside the holly ground. The portal to salvation then closed.


    Actually, the man, wearing a black suit, only walked up to the intercom, said a few words, and the door opened. But people really were starting to lose it by this point.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Later that day, a roughly six-seven minutes video interview was posted on GNM¡¯s webpage. The short broadcast went viral in a matter of seconds.


    It showed a neon-lit room, with an ajar metal door in one corner. The grey walls were covered in heteroclite stuff, ranging from paintings of ¡°Alice in Wonderland¡± and stormtrooper¡¯s helmets to ancient looking tapestries, Japanese katanas and ¨C supposedly ¨C model guns. On a beat-up couch sat a bald man, looking in his mid-thirties, wearing a sweatshirt that clearly had seen better days. His sleep-deprived face could have used a good shave and bared an unmotivated expression. Traces of Asian heritage were betrayed by his yellowish skin as well as slightly slanting eyes, under which hang scary dark bags. One would feel tired just looking at him. He really seemed on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion. For some unknown reason, he was currently nibbling on a cookie, apparently coming from the box lying next to him on the couch.


    A clear, assured voice came from somewhere off-screen. Just from the sound of it, one could easily imagine its owner being an outgoing and handsome young man without complex.


    ¡°Good evening, sir. First, thank you for letting me in. It really was starting to get creepy out there. All those guys mumbling about techno-gods and whatnot. Brrrr¡­ Let me introduce myself once more. I¡¯m Edward Dabbler, reporter, editor, publisher and owner of this Los Tenor¡¯s very own Gaming Ninja Mag. Maybe you¡¯ve heard of me? Good stuff I hope? Anyway, feel free to call me Ed, or Eddy, whatever you prefer. Today, I was hoping to ask you a few questions. Is that alright with you?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Not acknowledging the presence of the obviously self-employed, self-important, off-screen ninja in the slightest, sweatshirt-guy continued to religiously finish his small, flat, sweetened cake, then proceeded to meticulously wipe his mouth with what looked like an embroidered silk handkerchief. Once done, he looked up to his interlocutor, and spoke with a low, slightly bored, but surprisingly authoritative tone.


    ¡°No, I don¡¯t mind, Sir Dabbler¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­good.¡± Eward sounded a little taken aback. His assurance shaken by the unexpected uncaring attitude of the man.


    ¡°¡­so¡­eeeh¡­yes. First would like to¡­¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s all the commotion about anyway?¡± Sweatshirt interrupted.


    ¡°Pardon?¡±


    ¡°Why are you boors disturbing Our work by flocking around Our abode, acting comparably to lowly pigeons waiting for some old senile lady to throw you some leftover bread crusts? Do We look like an old lady to you?¡±


    ¡°No-not at all. In fact you¡­¡±


    ¡°We¡±, interrupted again the definitely weird man, ¡°partly let you in because of your...convincing arguments, but We are above all curious. We do not remember doing any matter of action warranting Us such attention.¡±


    He then took another cookie ¨C And ate it!


    Audibly startled, Edward let out a very unprofessional ¡°Huh?!¡± before trying to prudently follow up to the ¨C again ¨C much unexpected question.


    ¡°Well. That would be because of the game you released. You are the creator of Untold Tales, right?¡±


    Lord Cookie-Lover raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°Game? We do not¡­ah! Please wait an instant.¡±


    He turned back to the door behind him, and shouted.


    ¡°KEVIN! DID WE RELEASE A GAME RECENTLY?!¡±


    From the next room, an answer came back in the same manner.


    ¡°YES WE HAVE! Good grief. You should sleep more than once a week Michael, it¡¯s not good for your brain. You¡¯ll lose your head one day. Try to remember, we had Hendriksen come over to update the auxiliary servers.¡±


    The voice sounded oddly sophisticated.


    Cookie McSweatshirt, now Michael, seemed to ponder for a while, then:


    ¡°AH! THAT TIME! True¡­true.¡± Ending the shouting session, he turned back to the interviewer. ¡°So, did you play the game?¡±


    Edward just sounded confused at this point.


    ¡°¡­Eh?...What? Ah¡­yes. I did¡­ How..Why do you¡­¡±


    ¡°Was the game fun?¡± For the first time since the beginning of this strange, mostly one-sided conversation, His Crazy Lordship seemed more interested in Edward Dabbler than in Half-Eaten Cookie the Fourth in his hand.


    ¡°Eeh¡­Yes?¡±


    ¡°Good. This is very good.¡±


    His eyes were shining now and he gave the impression of a mildly fresher corpse.


    ¡°You know, Sir Dabbler, We do recall now. We weren¡¯t too enthusiastic at the idea of releasing such a failure, but it is good to know it was not such a waste after all. Very good indeed.¡±


    ¡°F-Failure?! How is that game a failure??¡±


    ¡°On this matter¡­ You see, this was originally part of a much wider endeavour, however the filling of Our coffers was excessively insufficient and Our infrastructure disgracefully lacking, so We were forced, sorrowfully believe Us, to abandon this quest. The draft program had been gathering metaphorical dust in a corner of my workstation until a week ago.¡±


    ¡°So you didn¡¯t intended to release it?¡±


    ¡°Simply put, no.¡±


    ¡°Then why did you?¡±


    ¡°We were broke.¡±


    ¡°Seriously?¡±


    ¡°Yes. And, furthermore, utterly out of coffee¡­¡±


    ¡°AND TEA!¡± The refined-sounding voice echoed from over the door.


    ¡°Yes, and tea.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    After a short episode of speechlessness, Eward spoke again, sounding forcefully composed.


    ¡°So, let me get this straight. Mister¡­?¡±


    ¡°Kurotora. Michael Kurotora. You may call me ¡®Your Majesty¡¯, or ¡®Boss¡¯, whichever is to your liking¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ So, ¡®boss¡¯, you have this¡­incredible game most programmers would sell their soul, or at least wife, to be allowed to study. But it¡¯s not even finished, so you didn¡¯t intended to make it public. Then you changed your mind on a whim, and, because you lacked your daily caffeine dose, you sold numerical gold, no, platinum¡­ AT THE PRICE OF TINPLATE!? Did I get that right?!¡±


    It was now Kurotora¡¯s turn ¨C for once ¨C to be surprised by Edward¡¯s vehemence.


    ¡°Well¡­technically, the software itself was complete. We just couldn¡¯t implement a world of a scale that suited Us.¡±


    ¡°But I¡¯m basically right.¡±


    ¡°We guess.¡± Back to his calm demeanour, the man shrugged off the interviewer¡¯s incredulity.


    He still seemed curious though, as he added:


    ¡°Is that thing really that good?¡±


    ¡°G-G-Good?! ¡®Good¡¯ doesn¡¯t even begin to describe it! If you would put just a little bit of effort in advertisement and marketing, you could become a leading figure of the entertainment industry in less than a year. No, scratch that¡­three months¡­Three months would be enough!¡±


    ¡°Is that so¡­¡± ¨C Still not convinced.


    ¡°YES! You could be the king of the gaming world!¡±


    ¡±king¡±


    The word came out less than a whisper. Eward must have been too lost in his self-importantness and hisimprovised lecture, because he apparently failed to notice the change in Kurotora, who suddenly straightened up.


    ¡°HEHEHE! Yes! Hehe! You could¡­¡± Eddy was losing his marbles.


    ¡°Sir Dabbler.¡± The commanding tone snapped the reporter out of his growing delirium.


    ¡°Yes? Ha¡­¡±


    The atmosphere surrounding the cookie-addicted eccentric had made a complete one-eighty, turning from somewhat indolent and overworked to lordly and pressuring. His eyes, while still holding a spark of childish joy, were now sharp and calculating. Anyone who faced him at this instant would feel has if Kurota was both looking into their soul, and beyond it, towards something only he could see, grasp, and comprehend. Even simply watching him through a screen made one shiver. To all who saw that gaze of his, one thing became undoubtedly true. This man, Michael Kurotora, was what people called ¡°a genius¡±.


    ¡°Sir Dabbler.¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± Edward voice was tensed.


    ¡°This plan you mentioned. Would you know how to make it succeed?¡±


    ¡°I might have a few ideas¡­ Why?¡±


    ¡°We shall be blunt, Sir Dabbler. Would you swear allegiance to me?¡±


    He then smiled, and his friendly smile would have made any cold-blooded killer wet his pants, sucking his thumb and crying for his mother.


    The broadcast stopped there. In the end, someone knocked the camera over, and it briefly caught the sight of naked tights as well as a glance of shimmering long blue hair flowing over a similarly naked shoulder.


    Under the unedited video, on the now completely blank website of ¡°Gaming Ninja Mag¡±, were two lines announcing to the readers the termination of GNM¡¯s activities and apologising for the inconvenience.


    The next day, access to the game was cut. ¡°Whatever Inc.¡± made an brief announcement, fixing the date for Untold Tales re-released six month later. The company then disappeared from the public eye. In one night, their basement in Los Tenor was emptied and nobody heard of Michael Kurotora for the next five months.


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Then, as people started to lose hope, ¡°Whatever¡± made his big stage comeback with a TV commercial, and with Edward Dabbler as his new face. The twenty-nine-so young man stood in front of white screen painted with a sketchy black and gold logo representing a top hat atop of whose brim rested a king¡¯s crown. Dabbler had stylishly-messy crow-black hair, a perfect face, playful green eyes and a princely, dentifrice-purchase-inducing smile that made girls and gay men of all age fawn all over their flat screen, much to the annoyance of their eventual gamer friends, family members and lovers ¨C Much punches flew that day. On the breast pocket of his trademark black suit, the reformed ninja had pinned a miniature of the crown-hat behind him.


    In a short message, Dabbler reconfirmed the release date for UT, one month later to the day. The game would be playable on most standard capsules, but not on headsets as they didn¡¯t provide enough body coverage. For those lacking the necessary equipment, Whatever Inc. presented their newest ¡°gaming throne¡±, the W-Chair, purchasable in any decent gale store as of the following day.


    Basically, it was an odd crossbreeding between the former two, which looked more like a torture device than a gaming station. The scary apparatus was both cheaper and more space-friendly than the cumbersome pods, making it more accessible for the average citizen. Better even, it came with a pre-installed version of the game. The buyers wouldn¡¯t be able to activate their account before the due date though.


    The advertisement ended with Dabbler flashing a mysterious grin.


    ¡°Good evening to you all. We¡¯ll wait for you in Wonderland¡± he said while bowing to the audience.


    A light switched on behind the white screen, and the last thing people saw were ten shadows standing on both sides of the bended announcer.


    The month passed and the world held its metaphorical breath.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    On the promised date, at the same hour all over the globe, ¨C which, given the time difference, actually took a whole day, simply to avoid congestion ¨C the game servers were made accessible once again. The firsts to dive in were of course the owners of W-Chairs, and they were bewildered by what they discovered. They didn¡¯t know what to think.


    For one, the playable races were few, with only the very common human, elf, and dwarf, as well as the possibility of mixing them as half-elf, half-dwarf, or dwelf. Two, the players weren¡¯t even allowed to choose their starting city. Only one was available, ¡°Start¡±, city of the beginning. ¨C And, three, no sex change was allowed. A few cried.


    This was unbelievable. Any decent game in its early days would propose ten or so races and at least a few more places, ideally well dispatched on the game continent. How could the long-awaited, already mythical Untold Tales be inferior to any other? They didn¡¯t understand. They couldn¡¯t. They felt betrayed. Until they entered the virtual world, that is.


    As only chaos was waiting for them on the other side.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Six months later, Untold Tales popularity was continuing to rise with unforeseeable ending ¨C Well¡­it wouldn¡¯t probably go further than 7.5 billion users. The initial flood of players had receded, but their number still steadily increased, everyone desiring to leave their mark on the uncharted continent of Pandore. A few other starting cities were available by now, progressively unlocked as adventurers explored the land and enlarged what they called the ¡°Tame Zone¡±, or Tamzon for short.


    This relatively ¡°safe¡± ¨C mostly, kinda, sometimes¡­ ¨C area expanded around Start in a somewhat half-circular pattern, as the First City was a coastal one. Inside, most of the land was accurately mapped and most monsters catalogued. Attack patterns, counter-strategies, levels, weaknesses, spawning places, and all matter of information was easily obtainable on the official webpage of UT, at least if one wasn¡¯t too much of a lazy bum to search the forums for a bit.


    The Tamzon, as large as it was, only yet encompassed about six-seven percent or the ¡°mortal¡± world, and that was without considering the other planes. The existence of the latter had been recently confirmed when a group of dwarves excavated a weird looking magical magic circle, inadvertently activated it, opening a portal to the Infernal Realm, giving way to an army of demons, and laying waste to a minor city ¨C NEVER let dwarves dig somewhere suspicious. When they don¡¯t open rift towards dimensions filled with evil anthropophagus beings, they disturb the nap of giant, fire-whip wielding, ancient, easily pissed, mythical beasts.


    People also supposed the existence of at least a Heavenly Realm, but no confirmation ever came from Whatever Inc. The company remained tight-lipped. The only information they gave away was the size of the planet, of which the Pandore continent was only one part, being about sixteen times the size of Earth.


    The outside border of the Tamzon was the ¡°Frontline¡± ¨C There it is.


    The name wasn¡¯t just for show. The frontline was an absolutely ruthless place of constant life-and-death struggles. Gory battlegrounds were scattered all over. Incomprehensible hellish mayhem could break loose in a split second. The concentration of monsters was absurdly high, as was their diversity. Never-before-seen Lovecrafty abominations could emerge from the ground any moment, bringing annihilation to whole parties. Not counting the numerous PKers taking advantage of the chaos. One could easily die without even knowing what, or who, got them.


    On day one, this immaterial frontier had been just outside the gates of Start. One could imagine the surprise of the dumbstruck first players when, instead of bunnies, foxes and other inoffensive critters, they found the city surrounded by an army of oversized goblins carrying multi-coloured banners where one could read ¡°Welcome, you fools.¡±, ¡°You¡¯re sooo screwed¡±, or ¡°Kurotora rules!¡±


    Some adventurers, or even entire guilds, had nevertheless made expanding the Tamzon their mission, and the frontier their home. Some also just liked to fight, kill, slaughter and be slaughtered ¨C sick people.  One of such guilds was the well-known, well-liked, be it a bit weird reputed, [Horizon], which gathered nearly a thousand players. All of them were fairly high level, as the weak would be quickly and mercilessly trashed. The guild master, a battle-crazy monk named Danielsan, incidentally belonged to the top fifty adventurers of UT.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The rest of the world was the ¡°Wild Zone¡±, or simply ¡°the Wild¡±. At first, one could think the place was safer than the frontier, but that would be a fatal misconception. If the Frontline was untamed chaos, the Wild was a silent predator. True, one would be less likely to fall to an unknown foe in those uncharted territories, but does knowing your reaper makes it easier to defeat? Maybe. But not here.


    The frontline area was at least mapped, supply routes were secured, and, after the twenty-four hours (RLT) <1> log out penalty, a dead player would revive at the altar of a well-defended comfy fortress ¨C with warm bed, hot chocolate, and even girls, or young men, or all at the same time, depending on their preferences and fetishes. Furthermore, adventurers would eventually get used to the randomness, which was mostly apparent, and the levels of the monsters was always manageable, a fact only clouded by their numbers and unconventional behaviours. The big ones never left the Wild.


    Once, an army two-thousand players strong ventured past the Frontline. Five game days later, the first ones started to respawn in different cities. They all told a similar tale. On the second day, the group entered a peaceful-looking flower field, and they saw a huge shadow, and the shadow had an eye, and the shadow blinked, and they were dead. All of them.


    No need to say, only a few eccentrics, mostly small specialized parties and solo adventurers, ¨C with various personal reasons and/or issues ¨C chose to wander the Wild, nicknamed ¡°Deep Explorers¡±.


    Elric was one of those, and a fairly famous at that. He gained his relative celebrity on the forums of UT, not that he ever boasted about his exploits, except jokingly. No, he would just honestly answer any question asked ¨C as long as it didn¡¯t concern some mass-destruction spells, crazy dark rituals, or porridge ¨C using the knowledge he uncovered during his travels.


    Original way of fighting, taught by some hermit in a forgotten cave, perfect against a particular monster giving troubles on the Frontline; revolutionary healing potion, created by mixing common herbs, whose recipe was given to him in some remote elven village; artefacts; rare ingredients; ancient texts; sometimes, long lost relics from one of the main churches of the Continent; he would gladly give them to whoever needed it, as he cared only about the adventure and not the rewards themselves.


    Elric, the Wandering Knight, they called him, the Knowledgeable, Sage of the Wild, Saviour of the Noobs¡­


    Bane of the Information Brokers too¡­


    Yeah¡­ He probably pissed a few of those. He would any so often receive threatening mails, mainly from some self-proclaimed ¡°Dark Gamers¡±. He was never really troubled though, as he never disclosed his appearance, nor his exact location, both in game and, of course, in real life. He rarely left the Wild Zone, which in itself was a good protection against assassins, and had a few trustworthy contacts he let handle the items he sent back to the Tamzon.


    With the other explorers too, he had his reputation. Although not the strongest among them ¨C The strongest he knew was a mad fire priestess he preferred to avoid; there were also rumours about a mace-wielding magical girl of sorts ¨C Elric always got himself in the most dangerous situations, never keeping away from even the most notoriously deadly areas without first checking them out in person. His quite suicidal behaviour had earned him with his ¡°colleagues¡± the dubious title of Elric, the Reckless Imbecile. But, coming from this unbalanced bunch, it sounded more like a compliment.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    As for the forgotten, cursed, piss poor choice of a vacation place, piece of undead-filled sewer that was the ¡°Kingdom¡± of Erwyn, it obviously was somewhere in the wild. Not that deep in actually, but enough to discourage most people, for now. If one went to the westernmost part of the Frontline, they could catch sight of the eastern summits of the Tiamat Range. A few intrepid parties had actually managed to reach them, but the level of the monsters there was simply too high. What appeared to be nothing more than an overkill hunting ground wasn¡¯t worth risking one¡¯s life on further investigation.


    It was only by chance that Elric came across some old documents mentioning the Erwynian Dinasty, and its location. He was sure none other deep exp¡¯ had gone there before, as they kept each other aware of their very general respective position, mostly to avoid taking another¡¯s prey or invading each other turfs ¨C not that anyone would want to be anywhere close to Elric¡¯s.


    For weeks, he camped in the mountains, searching for a way to reach the other side without actually crossing them ¨C confusing, no? ¨C, brushing past death on a daily basis, before he finally found it. Through a narrow cave ¨C more of underground stream really, in which he drowned twice before succeeding on his third attempt ¨C Elric reached a ruined temple. He emerged, soaked and muddy, from a beautiful decorative basin in a spacious mosaic-paved inner courtyard, surrounded by huge white marble pillars that supported a half-collapsed ceiling. All around were broken statues of some sacred figures. High priests? Or maybe gods? Elric didn¡¯t know, as most of the writings and symbols had faded away with time, and the rest didn¡¯t at all make sense to him.


    The place was surprisingly noisy. The stone of the edifice was buzzing with so much holly energy that the air was trembling. White lightning randomly arced between walls or columns, igniting ambient mana with loud booming sounds. The spectacle evoked less an antic monument, and more some ¡°futuristic¡± generator in some old sci-fi film, but built in marble.


    After crawling/swimming a fourth time through the waterway ¨C Fucking lightshow! Next time I¡¯m going to *bluup..cough..cough..bluup..cough¡­.blup*. ¨C, and a fifth, he had ran across the complex at full speed, without taking the time to admire the architecture ¨C which is breath-taking, I don¡¯t doubt it one second. Whooops¡­ That was close¡­ Spamming his protective spells like a first-time noob, Elric somehow made it out, only slightly charred, his armour fuming, and with a satisfyingly safe margin of two percent of his health left. The temple was on the flank of a mountain ¨C hopefully on the right side of it ¨C and the nearby old-looking forest had started to invade it.


    His stamina depleted, the Reckless Imbecile collapsed on the ground, just far enough to be safe from the out-of-control bolts of holi-fucking-ness. As the familiar dark veil slowly fell on his thoughts, he caught glimpse of some unfortunate undead being reduced to ashes by the sheer aura of the temple, while a dozen more of its brethren stared vacantly at the scene from under the cover of unnecessarily large trees.


    Yahooo¡­zombies. Whose idea was it to come here again? Ah¡­ It was mine. Good call Elric, good call. F¡¯cking gen¡­


    He fainted.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Real Life Time


    <hr />


    Pfiouuu¡­.that was long¡­comparatively¡­ Well, I guess twice as long as short is still only slightly long, or is it not? ¡­whatever.


    I didn¡¯t intend it to be like that, but the advent of Whatever got a bit out of hand. Next chapter, Elric shall be tomorrow! Yeah! Finally! ¡­At least I understand myself¡­


    Things will start to move and¡­HOLLY SHIT!


    ...I just remembered that I¡¯m still in the pre-prologue flash-back thingy¡­


    Well, if everything goes right¡­ one¡­two¡­three¡­ In three, maybe four, chapters, we ¨C meaning you ¨C should know what mess he got himself into. Damn, if I keep this pace, I will never see the end of my plot¡­ Oh! But that¡¯s a good thing¡­no? Well, as long as it doesn¡¯t get boring. I shall be careful¡­ Yes careful¡­ Yes, I shall¡­. Gollum! Gollum! *cough* *cough*


    Aaaaaah¡­too much screen-fixing/coke-drinking in one day¡­not that you care, as long as you get your dope¡­ Is claiming that my FF is addictive presumptuous? Probably¡­ I just don¡¯t care anymore.


    Anyway¡­thanks for reading, and see you next chapter.


    Well, ¡°see¡± you¡­


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.05 – Promenons-nous dans les bois

    Chapter 5 ¨C Promenons-nous dans les bois


    ¡°Promenons-nous dans les bois,


    Pendant que le loup n''y est pas.


    Si le loup y ¨¦tait,


    Il nous mangerait.


    Mais comme il n''y est pas,


    Il nous mangera pas.¡±


    ¨C Promenons-nous dans les bois


    (Let¡¯s stroll in the woods)


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Three weeks minus one day before breakdown (IGT)


    ¡°Waking up after a good night¡¯s sleep is one of the greatest pleasures of life. Being greeted by a smiling face upon waking up, is a must. The smiling face belonging to an undead skeleton is, however, a bit of a turnoff.¡±


    ¨C Life among the dead, Elric Walker.


    The previous day, after an exhausting battle against an unsuspectedly overbearing opponent, Elric had fallen asleep while reminiscing about his ¡°glorious¡± arrival in the Erwynian undead wasteland.


    Something to tell my future grandchildren¡­not. Plus, to get grandchildren, one must have children, the first step involving the capricious existence known as¡­ ¡°girlfriend¡±. Not seeing that happen anytime soon¡­ Maybe I should get in contact with Jenny again? Nah¡­ That didn¡¯t work out for a reason. *sigh* ¡­whatever. Allons-y! Elric, rise and shine, it¡¯s another day in paradise!


    With thoughts of irony and self-pity, the Antique Sewer Crawler stood up and proceeded to stretch without hurry, as to taunt the bizarrely unmoving [Skeleton Lancer] standing barely two metres away. Elric picked up the map that had slipped to the ground, packed up his camping gear, and equipped the leather armour he wore to travel. The set didn¡¯t really suit a knight, and actually gave him a few penalties for incompatibility, but whoever had actually tried crossing a forest in full plate throw him the first stone. Furthermore, as per Elric¡¯s rule number two: ¡°Comfortableness and style have to be prioritized over efficiency¡± ¨C Not that he had much of a fashion sense. And the light protection was rather comfy.


    As he left his rest place, he mumbled a spell, nonchalantly reducing to powder the dejected assemblage of calcium phosphate ¨C bones ¨C trapped in his warding net.


    ¡°See.¡± He said to no one in particular, as the remains of the skeleton weren¡¯t very receptive. ¡°I knew it wasn¡¯t pointless to use expensive offensive wards¡­ Should have been though. Ah! If they were activated¡­ Damn¡­ and those were my last.¡±


    On that positive note, the ward-less, under-armoured knight was once more on his merry way. He easily maintained the solid pace specific to experienced hikers, whistling as he gave the finishing touch to his rotting critter genocide. The Wanderer slowly strolled between the trees, deploring for the umpteenth time the absence of wildlife. Only silence echoed in those woods ¨C exception made of his whistling, and the repulsive dying gargles of the burning animated fleshbags he did in.


    ¡°Spring without singing birds really isn¡¯t spring anymore. *sigh* It really feels weird.¡± *SPLAARSH* ¡°Speaking of weird¡­¡± *PSHUEEERRRG* ¡°What the hell was that big bony fellow doing here? It¡¯s far too early. I can accept having missed one or two winged shrimps ¨C Ah! Not  so fast, you. *burn* ¨C but not a whole freaking dummy escaped from biology class!¡±


    After pondering for a few seconds, he took out a pen and a notebook titled ¡°Elric¡¯s little Travel Guide, Philosophy of Life and Deaths¡±, and started writing without slowing down, neither his steps, nor his mindless slaughter ¨C He didn¡¯t need hands, his eyes shot laser beams.


    ¡°Rule¡­number¡­373¡­only¡­trust¡­your¡­guts¡­in..places¡­that..spawn¡­undead¡­squirrels.¡±


    Seriously, was this some kind of in-joke? I get why game programmers would like to use squirrel, but still¡­that¡¯s just plain bad taste.


    ¡°Sleeping there might also have been a tad idiotic¡­Naaah. See, nothing happened. Hehe¡­¡±


    Actually, people would rarely slept in-game, since it didn¡¯t relieve much of the actual fatigue, especially the mental kind, and it took time away from hunting and levelling. Time flowed four time faster inside UT compared to the real world, so it was no trouble to spend three full days and nights awake. Elric, however, made a point of sleeping at least four hours every night.


    First because he liked sleeping outdoors ¨C the ¡°VR¡± and ¡°RP¡± in VRMMORPG weren¡¯t there just for show after all. Since, as a solo player, he made his own schedule, he could take every ounce of fun he could get without the interference of the annoyingly attention-demanding beings known as people ¨C sadly, that was the ¡°MM¡± part. He wasn¡¯t misanthrope per say, but not much of a social animal either. He enjoyed the company of others, but not so much what they expected of him. Forums were easier. He could just ignore requests when he didn¡¯t feel like interacting.


    Second, because his class depended much on daylight, and he lost most of his buffs after sundown ¨C like a plumber without shrooms. Clouds, he could deal with, but night really didn¡¯t look good on him. Elric thus preferred to sleep during the hours he was at his weakest, to let time pass faster ¨C He could have just logged off at night, but please refer to reason one.


    Sleeping also gave some minor bonuses in health, mana and stamina regeneration. Something like one hour of +5% for each hour of sleep. Elric never bothered to check as a whole lot of parameters influenced the extent of the boost, like sleeping outside, in a bed, in the mouth of a drake ¨C bad memories ¨C, in the cold, in the rain, missing a leg or not, etc.


    Most aspects of UT were like this, intuitive and very complex in their inner workings. Stats and percentages had been reduced to very indicative values and were in no case gospel truth. To begin with, any non-permanent bonuses given by an item or piece of equipment wouldn¡¯t appear in your status window, so one would have to keep track of those by themselves ¨C And who does that?! Not me. I¡¯m no god damned human-calculator.


    The effects were nothing fancy, but could be felt everywhere. Punching someone from higher ground would have more impact, or sirens couldn¡¯t as easily control creatures who didn¡¯t consider them suitable mating partners ¨C to say it politely ¨C, regardless of the exact amount of strength or willpower one possessed. The stats mattered, of course, but in a duel between closely matched opponents, the smallest circumstance might end up having a huge influence on the outcome.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Lost in confused thoughts involving game mechanics, wordplays on programming languages, and sleeping position ¨C Arms in or out of the sheets? Families drew weapons on the issue. ¨C, Elric continued to wander the forest, distractedly wiping out every moving being in sight as he went ¨C good thing Little Red Riding Hood took a sick day. Ah¡­ no. There she was. Lacked most of her lower jaw though, and didn¡¯t look very fresh. Wolf bites in the face do have this kind of effect on people.


    Elric¡¯s memories of the day before were confused to say the least. He was quite sure that, in his vanity-induced frenzy, he had crossed the road at least once or twice, meaning the town of Cali could be in any direction by now.


    Not that it really mattered. Aside from the mortifying meat-shortage ¨C Elric grew closer to his brain-enthusiastic preys by the day ¨C Cali just had been an optional, randomly set goal. Exploring the wild was fun too, if one didn¡¯t mind the constant life-and-death struggle thingy. Thankfully, he anew mostly encountered normal undead. Right now, his ¨C slowly ¨C healing ego couldn¡¯t probably handle taking a hit from an [Uprooted Possessed Carrot] or a [Resurrected Sliced Courgette].


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After a few hours of aimlessly hiking through the woods, involving six commandos of commando-going skeletons, an [Unborn Suffering Kitten Foetus] ¨C Who raised THAT?! SQUIIIRREEEL!!! Come out of your damned hole so I can shove you back in!! ¨C and a [Survivor Armoured Cockroach] that had somehow evolved, Elric finally encountered a mid-sized river.


    Now now¡­ What do we have here? Is it some kind of pollution? Or does this place like to be creepy just for the heck of it?   ¡°Oh¡­gods.¡±


    In front of him was the nastiest body of water Elric had ever seen, if ¡°water¡± was even an appropriated term. The turbulent waves of phantasmal plasma seemed to roar, more accurately wail, furiously but only eerie silence could be heard. Distorted faces formed in-between whirlpools, their shut eyes crying dark goo, and their gaping mouths, filled with infinite bubbling darkness, tore open in soundless gargling screams of agony. Emaciated arms, covered in scraps of peeled off spectral skin, extended out of the horrid stream. The closest to the shore tried to grab patches of grass and protruding roots, but were incapable of holding on against the brutal current for more than mere seconds. The smell was sickening, mixture of sewers, rotting corpses and burnt flesh. The whole atrocious spectacle flowed in a lagging manner, leaving nauseating afterimages in its wake. For the first time since he entered this diseased country, Elric finally felt like puking.


    *cough* *cough* ¡°Arrrr¡­ Sick.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Congratulations! You are the first to discover the [River of Lost Souls].


    +100 Fame.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Charming. Fitting the [lost Woods], I suppose¡­


    But that wasn¡¯t all.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Ah. Better. Must have come pretty close after trashing Fleshless McNutty.


    Frowning, he mumbled:


    ¡°But I really would have appreciate being rewarded for the discovery of something less disgusting.¡±


    In Untold Tales, discovering new places, atop of additional fame, gave measly experience most players wouldn¡¯t even consider. Like copper coins fallen in front of a king. Worthless, but still there.


    Lets see¡­ Last time I increased my strength¡­ so¡­ Oh, who cares? It¡¯s just five points. I¡¯ll probably just lose them with my next death anyway. Let¡¯s go with two in VIT, one in WIS, and the last two in INT. Yeah¡­ That¡¯ll do.


    Despite being a knight, Elric always behaved more like a jack-of-all-trade magic swordsman.


    That, and his tendency of courting death like an old mistress, with all the associated penalties, should normally have resulted in a pretty rickety character. However, by constantly overexerting himself, which contributed to raise his stats, as well as trifling with powerful and unstable artefacts, he sort of managed to even things out. The result of this ad-libbed approach was in fact a pretty well-endowed avatar, if an unfocused one.


    ¡°Show Status Window.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Status Window</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Identity</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Name:</td><td width="25%">Elric Walker</td><td width="25%">Alignment:</td><td width="25%">Sun</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Level:</td><td width="25%">127</td><td width="25%">Class:</td><td width="25%">Solar Knight</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Race:</td><td width="25%">Human</td><td width="25%">Gender:</td><td width="25%">Male</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Title</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Suspicious Candyman</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Body & Soul</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Health:</td><td width="25%">4 970/4 970</td><td width="25%">Mana:</td><td width="25%">2 720/2 720</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">5 150/5 150</td><td width="25%">Fame:</td><td width="25%">36 730</td></tr></tbody></table>


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.<table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Basic Stats</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Strength (STR):</td><td width="25%">215</td><td width="25%">Wisdom (WIS):</td><td width="25%">133</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Agility (AGI):</td><td width="25%">182</td><td width="25%">Intellect (INT):</td><td width="25%">172</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Vitality (VIT):</td><td width="25%">197</td><td width="25%">Charism* (CHA):</td><td width="25%">100 (+36)</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Additional Stats*</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Dexterity:</td><td width="25%">78</td><td width="25%"> Leadership:</td><td width="25%">34</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Endurance:</td><td width="25%">102</td><td width="25%">Luck:</td><td width="25%">23</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Faith:</td><td width="25%">119</td><td width="25%">Willpower:</td><td width="25%">98</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Magical Affinities</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Prime</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Fire:</td><td width="25%">1L</td><td width="25%">Nature:</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Water:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Void:</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Air:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Light:</td><td width="25%">2L</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Earth:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Darkness:</td><td width="25%">2E</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Sub</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Lightning (Fire):</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Runes (Void):</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Poison (Nature):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Soul (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>*Stat points cannot be added to this stat.</td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Oh, but I hate you too, Wisdom.


    Mana regeneration was never his forte ¨C nor was wisdom in general. Not that he ever searched for a solution. When out of fuel, Elric usually would stall for time by hammering enemies with brute strength, using at most some sunlight coating on his giant blade. That worked¡­ most of the time.


    His [Solar Knight] class was in most aspects rigorously identical to any other paladin, but didn¡¯t require following all the usual ¡°always strive to protect the weak, to bring justice to the unjust, and to vanquish evil from the darkest corners of the world¡± crap. Not that Elric didn¡¯t adhere to it, but dedicating his whole life to such a motto seemed rather tiring mentally. The Day Star didn¡¯t require any prayer either ¨C a little sunbathing now and then at most ¨C as It really couldn¡¯t care less. All in all, a [Solar Knight] was sort of a holy r¨­nin.


    Such unrestricted power couldn¡¯t be wielded mindlessly of course ¨C ¡±With great powers¡­ comes a shit-ton of training¡± as they say. ¡­I tkink. Elric, the Sage of the Wild, who would remain unfazed in front fire-breathing dragons, smile to squirms of [Desert Behemoth], or ¨C more recently ¨C whistle while butchering legions of undead, still often had terrifying nightmares about the days he spent with his old master, the inflexible Ro-


    ¡°Shhhhh!¡± Don¡¯t jinx yourself, idiot.


    A player¡¯s status window was like their personal summed up biography. Elric clearly remembered the time when he got each of his additional stats. [Dexterity] fondly recalled peaceful hours of doll-making, while one glance at [Endurance] made him relive this one time he crossed the path of a [Boxing Octogaroo] ¨C Fists and tentacles¡­ My whole body hurt for weeks. I¡¯ve never been the same after that day.


    [Faith] kinda came with the job, even without god to worship. He gained [Willpower] when he broke free of the illusion of a predatory [Slutty Dream Slug] ¨C the name was quite self-explanatory. [Leadership] came with a quest to lead a party ¨C more of a mob actually ¨C of villagers. The goal was to save the chief¡¯s daughter from a goblin cave. Classic¡­ except the details Elric got were incomplete, the monsters outnumbered them three to one, the green bastards also somehow hid a full freaking regiment of mountain trolls, and none of the villagers could fight properly. But they succeeded! And without casualties at that.


    Well¡­one. Me.


    The [Luck] stat was the one he was most conflicted about. Not about what it did. Elric was mostly sure it had something to do with critical hits and random treasures in dungeons, maybe also not getting hit by arrows and the likes. No, what bothered Elric was how the stat was granted to him by the God of Chaos himself! ¨C or at least a hovering half-liquid swirling rainbow with a resounding voice claiming to be Him. The colourful vortex shouted something like ¡°Hahaha. You amused me mortal. Persevere in your haphazard ways and I shall grant you My help once more¡±. Then, a window announced to Elric he got the stat.


    Being called random by the embodiment of Chaos didn¡¯t make him happy for some reason. It felt like his personality was beyond saving, like he was doomed to never be able to better his behaviour, and to err aimlessly through life, as an unfocused clown. It was quite depressing in fact.


    However, Elric being Elric, he quickly got himself back together, and carried on with what he was doing before the Great Entropy¡¯s rude intervention, namely an ancient ceremony involving a complex upside-down choreography over an anti-gravity magic circle, naked and covered in mustard, mixed with yodelling and juggling pineapples, while a one-legged gnome warped in salmons wrestled a shaved moose.


    Elric forgot what the ritual had been for though.


    As usual when calling out his status window, Elric¡¯s gaze slid unwillingly towards his fire magic affinity.


    ¡°Aaah¡­ *sigh* At least, she can¡¯t get me here. It really is the one good point I can find to this crappy kingdom.¡± Well, to be fair, I also do find strolling in hell quite entertaining.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°Magic Affinities¡± were one perfect example of UT¡¯s tendency to intuitiveness.


    When using magic, the raw power at one¡¯s disposal was of course in direct proportion to their INT, but each spell wasn¡¯t a skill in itself. Instead, any new-born magician would be granted one MA, sometimes two, rarely three. This trait would determine both the power outlet of spells related to it, and the basic magical resistance to said spells.


    The size of one¡¯s mana pool didn¡¯t matter. If their figurative affinity-bound mana duct wasn¡¯t wide enough, juice just wouldn¡¯t come out, as simple as that. Although, the opposite was true too. A mage with a big ¡°pipe¡± wouldn¡¯t be exempt from performance issues if he had a crippled reservoir.


    Each affinity had tiers ¨C five, as far as players knew ¨C and every tier had three levels: early, medium, and late. A tier one spell would grow in power with each level its caster grew, but would then peak on the third level.


    Upon reaching tier two, the mago would need to move his own ass to find the corresponding higher tier spell, supposing it existed in the first place ¨C something one never knew before failing to find it. No magically updating grimoire, no subconscious unlocking of some underlying hidden potential, no sudden enlightenment on the inner workings of the world ¨C No ¨C only good old sweaty hard work, or ¡°dusty¡±, as it mostly involved rummaging through unclean libraries, with no help whatsoever from their sour old caretaker.


    Thankfully, beginner magic such as [Fireball], [Water Shield], [Wind Blade], [Rock Bullet], [Heal], and other [Rapi¡­eeeh¡­[Binding Vines] were easy to come by. It still was difficult for your average sorcerer to update his arsenal though. However, most non-magic-oriented class had low or inexistent resistance to it, so it evened things out. Of course, enchanted items were another matter entirely, as anyone meeting the set requirements could use them.


    When it came to magic, Elric was quite the monster. For one, he had just attained the late second tier of light affinity. Still, it was his prime weapon, so no surprise there. What was completely abnormal was to also have reached the mid-first tier for all of water, wind, earth, nature and void affinities, as well as for lightning and runes, plus some poison affinity.


    The reason behind this was that one could in fact rise his magic proficiency by constantly subjecting themselves to it¡­ in a harmful way. This method, however, was far too risky and inefficient for anyone sane to try it. Truth be told, not even Elric would do it¡­ on purpose. Be it caprice of the God of Chaos, or sheer stupidity on Elric¡¯s part, but the Reckless Imbecile had by now quite a deep understanding of the offensive possibilities offered by all sorts of hocus-pocus-isms.


    As for his fire affinity¡­ *sigh* For some unclear reasons, a certain alluringly hot priestess, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ¨C unofficial nickname made in Elric ¨C had taken a liking into bullying the Solar Knight. It started when the poor soul inadvertently killed a drake she was attempting to ¡°tame¡±. The beaten-up reptile had suddenly rushed from behind a hill, interrupting the quietly sewing Suspicious Candyman. Startled, Elric had fried the beast with a ¨C very effective ¨C [Solar Beam]. He then had looked around, vaguely confused, only to notice a stunningly beautiful and, quite literally, fired up woman, running towards him while shouting¡­ unbecoming incivilities¡­ and also casting a growing [Lava Orb] ¨C as [Fireball] was for pussies. This encounter had marked the beginning of a very unhealthy relationship, very painful on Elric¡¯s part, involving a lot of chasing and running away.


    Leaving aside traumatizing, crazy, well-proportioned, lightly-dressed, female flamethrowers¡­


    His darkness affinity had leaped a whooping two levels during his little leisure trip around Undeadia, a bit more than four months (IGT) by now. He also got the soul magic variant after his third encounter with a lich ¨C the Unborn Kitten Raiser had been the fourth one.


    Elric didn¡¯t like offensive soul magic¡­ at all. It bypassed most armours, hurt like hell, distorted your senses, and messed with your mind, when not deeper. It also left lingering side effects that even death couldn¡¯t dissipate, and then required EVEN MORE soul magic to get rid of. A nightmare. Dealing with one undead necromancer per month was already far too much. He couldn¡¯t imagine dealing with something worse than a lich. It seemed impossible.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Somewhere, in another Realm, The God of Chaos, who also happened to be God of Irony, looked down on a glowing screen and let out an evil chuckle. ~ It is impossible only if you believe it is. My friend. ~


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    AHR AHR AHR! It is alive! Time moved. We are tomorrow! It isn¡¯t Groundhog Day anymore! No wait, there wasn¡¯t any loop¡­ I¡¯m just far too slow.


    Oh well, nothing much else to say. I wanted to get the last information stuffy about the magic system out of the way. I hope the transitions were smooth enough, if not, I apologize.


    No more mechanics description and more movement starting next chapter.


    As always, thank you for reading and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.06 – Follow the Yellow Brick Road

    Chapter 6 ¨C Follow the Yellow Brick Road


    ¡°It''s always best to start at the beginning,


    and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.¡±


    ¨C Glinda, The Wizard of Oz


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    (3w ¨C 1d) = 20d before breakdown (IGT)


    ¡°That¡¯s it. I give up.¡±


    Elric could finally feel small tears appear in the thin layer of rationality that for years had tentatively held his mind together, enduring dutifully as not to give way to unbounded chaos. The cracks were tiny, but definitely there, and mending them would take time. Time Untold Tales didn¡¯t seem to be willing to allow him.


    ¡°I get it now. Haha! This game¡¯s gone insane. Or is it me? Nah¡­ I¡¯ve never been fine to begin with. No. Must be the game¡­ or not? I don¡¯t know anymore. Nor do I care after all¡­ Hehehe. What¡¯s next? Flying poisoned mushrooms? Do send! Three little undead piglets? Ah! Why not four, just for the heck of it?! Hey?! Where¡¯s [Jacky the Crowned Pumpkin]? Seven bony dwarfs and a broken raped slave housewife in an expired cake-cabin? You can¡¯t do better?! Talking PONIES advocating a freakin¡¯ dictatorial ideal of FRIENSHIP?!? AHAHAHAH!!! Give me a break, World!!!¡± Aaaaaah¡­ my head hurts¡­


    ¨C *** ¨C


    For a while after reaching level 127, Elric had walked up the river¡­or down¡­ He really wasn¡¯t sure. For some reason, the tormented souls persisted in flowing against the natural slope of the grounds. So that meant he actually was climbing downstream, wasn¡¯t it? ¨C Whatever, that¡¯s not the main problem here.


    The real mind-numbing enigma here was that, in front of him, crossing over the reversed current of wailing plasma, in the depths of an freaking undead-filled forest, in some arbitrary nook of a ruined nation forgotten by its gods ¨C most gods at least, Chaos clearly was still at work in the place ¨C, there, in the middle of an unequalled hellhole, was a very delicate, very cute, very out-of-place, and very very pink wooden bridge decorated with artsy hearts and smiling flowers¡­ the whole absurdly adorable thing oozing some kind of cheerful tune that irresistibly evoked an ice-cream van.


    AND ¨C as if it wasn¡¯t enough ¨C on the opposite shore, connected to the brain-damaging cutesy catwalk, a shining lemon-coloured cobblestone path, visibly lost in the wrong tale, cut through the mossy soil, creeping away from the river and disappearing out of sight among the old crooked trees.


    ¡°What the¡­¡±


    Hearing a rustle from a nearby bush, The Getting-Real-Tired-Of-Your-Shit Knight let out a resigned sight and declared to the newcomer in a flat voice:


    ¡°Toto. I¡¯ve a feeling we¡¯re not in Kansas anymore.¡±


    Not caring in the slightest, neither about Kansas nor its new name, the drooling [Lesser Ghoul] mindlessly jumped at his throat.


    ¡°Tsh¡­ ungrateful bastard.¡±


    Nearing his breaking point, Dorot¡­eeh¡­Elric wasn¡¯t in any mood to deal with the pseudo-threat. He merely side-stepped a bit, tripped the degenerate vampire, and completed the move with a ¡°light¡± push¡­ violently thrusting the sucker into the ghastly flux. Spectral arms immediately grabbed it, dragging the creature underwater as it comically waved, shrieking in pain from the contact with the, apparently corrosive, souls. Elric grinned widely at the sight, a hint of madness in his eyes.


    Unexpected¡­


    Should try to study the chemical properties of disembodied spirits one of these days. I¡¯ll see if I can collect some ectoplasm next time I get my hands on a [Smoky Reaper] or [Phantasmal Witch]. A [Haunting Parasite Larva] should do too¡­ I haven¡¯t experimented in a while. It¡¯s a shame. Undead make such funny lab rats.


    Elric theatrically waved back at the melting creature.


    ¡°Goodbye Toto Ghoul¡­ Say hello to Kaneki-san for me. I¡¯ll always remember that, be it for an instant, I faced you as a named monster, if only in my heart. Goodbye Goodbye goodbye¡­ sniff sniff¡±


    Flapping an imaginary tissue, Elric wiped an inexistent tear off his face. Then he bridled his dubious sense of humour, stopped smiling, and focused his annoyed glare back on the Piss-Coloured Brick Road. The yellowish fairy-tale crossover simply didn¡¯t exist on his side of the river, so he would be forced to pass the musical bridge to get a closer look. Thankfully, the merry-go-round melody didn¡¯t seem to have any side effect ¨C not that the system would inform the player of those before it was too late. It¡¯s more realist that way, isn¡¯t it? It¡¯s more FUN!! HAHA¡­ Aaaah¡­ calm caaalm. *expire* Pfeeuu¡­ Will this thing hold by the way?


    Elric had equipped his silver armour back when he first encountered the [River of Lost Souls]. Abnormal landmarks tended to attract dangerous mobs, and he wasn¡¯t about to re-enact the ¡°Sacred Grove Fiasco¡± ¨C definitive official name, less embarrassing than ¡°Knight-Getting-Nearly-Axed-Off-By-A-Squirrel Fiasco¡±. Elric thus worried a bit about how well the structure would fare, supporting almost two metres ¨C he did change his appearance a bit at the creation stage ¨C of muscular manhood clad in thick metal. He needn¡¯t have worried though, as the girly glorified trestle didn¡¯t even flinch under the heavy weight, somehow denying its own fragile appearance. Magic ¨C and bad taste ¨C must have played a part in its construction.


    Well, DUH!? I mean¡­ It¡¯s diffusing music out of nowhere! And it did remain in an unnaturally good shape, considering the standards of neighbourhood. And the pillars resist to the acidic ghosts¡­ At the same time, so does the shore¡­ Mmmmh. Does it only affect organic matter? Maybe I should¡­


    ¡°AaAaah. Focus!¡±


    One thing at a time. First, L. Frank Baum of the Dead. Next you can play with demonic acid if you want. Voil¨¤. Good boy¡­ So, what do we have here?


    On second inspection, the pretty walkway didn¡¯t look so innocent. In fact it was rather creepy, as what resembled small black bugs crawled all over its golden stones.


    ~ *whistle* ~ ¡°Oh my, you keep your cards close, don¡¯t you?¡±


    Each and every brick was in fact carved with crisscrossed lines of minuscule inky runes that moved fast and erratically all over its surface, like demented shockwaves.


    Prone on the wooden deck ¨C very vulnerably so, which made the whole silver armour thing pretty pointless ¨C Elric frowned as he tried to identify the oddly familiar blurry symbols. The image of snow-white lightning and the ¨C extremely uncomfortable ¨C feeling of being reduced to ashes flashed through his mind.


    ¡­holi-fucking-ness! Right! Those are the same glyphs that were in that short-circuited, overcharged freaking broken temple of doom! Still have no clue what it means though. Nor what tongue it¡¯s from. God it¡¯s irritating.


    With exploring ancient ruins in mind, the Wandering Knight had made sure to acquire the passive skill [Ancient Language Mastery]. All said and done, it wasn¡¯t one too difficult to get, as it only required to read books¡­ lots and lots of books. Not many were willing to tackle a pile of thick dusty tomes that would dwarf any encyclopaedia. Because of that, aside from librarians and historians ¨C two quite unpopular classes to say the least ¨C only a few eccentrics, among which Elric¡¯s old knight master, actually possessed it.


    True, the skill didn¡¯t always suffice to translate some of the most obscure texts. However, if it really didn¡¯t pick anything ¨C like it was presently the case ¨C the dialect had to be either fake or utterly lost and forgotten ¨C A bit like the Erwyn Kingdom as a whole in fact. The former was scarcely possible however, as the disturbing liveliness of these writings seemed to deny any possibility of forgery. Moreover, the odds of encountering the same bogus language in two out-of-the-ordinary, seemingly unrelated, places were rather low, so it probably was some ancient tongue barely anybody alive even knew.


    Sadly, ¡°anybody alive¡± doesn¡¯t encompass liches. Elric, still lying face down, was now giving the brick road a scornful look¡­ An unconvincing scornful look, considering his position and the jolly background.


    The Near-Soul-Magicophobic Knight got up, and started as he only now noticed the dense milky fog that filled the woods on this side of the river. He stayed unmoving for a few seconds, observing the ominous whiteness. He then breathed out in relief after confirming the cloud was stagnant and not slowly surging out to get him. It also seemed a little thinner around the Canary Lane.


    ¡°Tsk. I¡¯m getting edgy. Should be used to weird by now. Ah! But usually, I¡¯m the source, not the recipient. Feels unnatural. Anyway¡­ Now, let¡¯s sum up our present predicament, shall we?¡±


    Folding his left arm over his stomach, he rested his right elbow into his cupped hand, and used his right fingers to slowly stroke the two weeks old beard that ate up his chin. He struck a dignified pose and looked in the distance for a while. Then, he brought back his eyes on an attentive audience, that existed only in his mind, and said in a deep professorial voice, lifting fingers up as he went down a discouraging list:


    ¡°The situation is as follow. We¡­ are lost, definitely so. This place doesn¡¯t make any sense, and I have no idea neither where this road goes, nor what the enchantment engraved onto it does. Ladies and gentlemen, I¡¯m sorry to inform you¡­ we¡¯re screwed.¡±


    His imaginary public nodded.


    Well¡­ you guys are accommodating as ever, aren¡¯t you?


    Talking to someone always helped Elric focus his thoughts, as well as to get a better understanding of what he was trying ¨C or supposed ¨C to do. However, since he travelled mostly alone, he had to improvise ¨C not that they were very helpful nor insightful. They usually listened, nodded, and produced timely voiceless onomatopoeia.


    Maybe I should find real companions. Yeah¡­ I¡¯ve had enough of Zombieland for now anyway. As soon as I get out of this forest, I head to the nearest town, excavate/unseal/draw a teleportation circle and ¡°Bye-bye¡±! And I won¡¯t come back until I find some ¡°nakama¡± willing to hunt down corpses for a while ¨C Don¡¯t take it personally Brooky. Maybe a cleric, or a dark mage? I¡¯ve nothing against those as long as it¡¯s not  me  they attack¡­ Oh. I derailed again didn¡¯t I?


    ¡°Focus. Focus. The road. So? What now? Ah. Yes. First, I¡¯ll do a few tests.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Three hours, five trips in the woods, two [Skeleton Swordsman], one [Dead Hunter], three [Lesser Ghoul], one [Immaterial Whore], this one granting him a bucket of ¨C probable ¨C ectoplasm, two health potions, one grass sandwich, and lots of various probing methods later, Elric finally reached a conclusion.


    ¡°Yep. Still nothing.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± The audience was consternated.


    He had used all the detection spells he could think of, as well as other various unorthodox techniques he picked up on his journey ¨C ¡°Throw a rock on the thing, if it doesn¡¯t explode, maybe you won¡¯t.¡± ¨C but to no avail. The cobblestone way remained mysterious.


    This calls for Elric¡¯s rule number four!  <1>


    ¡°If it doesn¡¯t look like it¡¯ll kill you right away, it¡¯s saaafe.¡±


    The devising of this rule quite immediately led to the advent of rule number five: ¡°If it wasn¡¯t, you¡¯ll know better next time.¡±


    Brimming with self-imposed confidence, Elric firmly stepped onto the road.


    He would have closed his eyes in anticipation, but closing one¡¯s eyes in hostile territory while stepping on a potentially mortal device was¡­ pretty stupid. Well¡­ nothing happened for about ten seconds, so he brought forth his second foot next to the first one.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Congratulations!


    You are the first to discover the [Yellow Cobblestone Path of No Return].


    +100 Fame.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    You know¡­ Whatever Incorporated. You won¡¯t avoid copyright infringement just by altering the name a little. Or maybe you will. I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m no lawyer. And why did you feel forced to add ¡°of No Return¡±? Was the colour yellow to funny for the neighbourhood? You¡¯ve got a freaking music box of cuteness here! Let me tell you that pus might be yellow but it¡¯s nothing funny¡­ Aaaah¡­ Why would I immediately associate yellow with ¡°piss¡± and ¡°pus¡±? I don¡¯t know¡­ I¡¯m sick, or maybe I just like to shock people. Not that there¡¯s anybody to shock here. Maybe I¡¯m just lonely. I don¡¯t know. What am I? Ah, right. I¡¯m lost.


    Dismissing the floating translucent blue window, the Solitary Knight started walking.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Mist¡­ Fog¡­ Cloud¡­ It really doesn¡¯t seems much when one think of it. A floating heap of gaseous white candy floss. An inoffensive mass of barely condensed liquid in suspension in the air. In nature, one normally would not need to fear anything from mist. However, when magic was thrown into the mixst, this seemingly inoffensive phenomenon became one of the world¡¯s most vicious tools of assassination.


    Ever felt the knife of a steam-cloaked assailant? Ever lost your way in a cloud of poison? Ever died after billions of droplets suddenly turned into a lethal storm of frozen needles? Ever been encased in an instantaneous block of ice? Ever seen eyes pop under a pressure seemingly coming out of nowhere? Ever drown above ground after the water density in the air exponentially increased? Ever exploded as vapour infiltrated in your lungs suddenly expansed? Same with acid? Ever gotten strangled by condensed moist smoke?


    Elric had. He once witnessed a whole experienced party instantly reduced to shredded meat by a single clever, mist-wielding, newbie water mage. Therefore, the Sage of the Wild was far from relaxed as he progressed through the dense haze, constantly monitoring his breathing and heart-rate, and keeping a watchful an eye on his surroundings.


    However, after a while without anything happening, the fog began to clear and Elric distinguished a low man-made structure in the distance. He doubled his pace, accelerating towards his newfound target without lowering his guard. Soon, his visibility went back to normal, and he finally recognised the wooden construction.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    His brain skipped a beat, his heart blinked and his eyes froze.


    ¡°What the¡­¡±


    In front of him, spanning over turbulent milky waters, was a delicate, cute, and far too rosy bridge covered in carved hearts and blooming plants.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Damn! I¡¯m so stupid. F¡¯cking scatterbrain¡­


    All to his caution against deadly threats, Elric forgot one of the most basic mist-related spells, [illusion Mist]. As the name suggested, its objective was to mislead the target using a combination of lowered visibility and simple deceiving imagery. Well¡­ Elric had been misled. He didn¡¯t exactly retrace his steps though, as he emerged from the forest about fifteen to twenty metres up¡­ downstream from the melodic crossing. At some point, he must have wandered off the road, and was magically brought back to the nauseating torrent of hell.


    He knew [Illusion Mist] had one major weakness, which is why he dismissed it as a possibility. As a spell of the Void Affinity, it dealt with raw mana, and the ¡°mist¡± it produced wasn¡¯t actually made of water. Experienced adventurers would always be on guard against ¡°dry¡± clouds, and so would easily detect the trickery before falling prey to it.


    What Elric forgot, however, was that higher tier magi had several options to cover up this deficiency. One being to cast a normal [Mist] simultaneously with its deceiving variant. The intrinsic essence of void magic would prevent any interference, and, since [Mist] actually had no effect whatsoever except being wet ¨C It¡¯s just airborne water, what d¡¯ya expect? ¨C nobody would notice right away. Another possibility was always to improve the illusion to affect not only sight, but the others senses as well, turning the illusion into convincing fog, smoke, or even fire if the caster wished it so.


    This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    The Wandering Knight, despite how unfocused he was, wouldn¡¯t normally make such a blunder.  Months of encountering nothing but undead and dark magic, mostly the accursed ¡°soul¡± kind, apparently influenced his subconscious more than he thought.


    Need to get myself back together. Ashen was a nice place, but I don¡¯t really want to revive there and have to fight my way back here. Supposing I can even find this place again.


    Lost or not, pissed or not, composed or at the brink of mental breakdown, the Knowledgeable wasn¡¯t about to let a mystery slip past him unclarified. He would find out what  this road was, and where  it went, or die ¨C as many times as necessary ¨C trying.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°? From Tales Untold, rose the Black Raven. ?¡±


    After casting a few protection spells, Elric once again set about walking the [Yellow Cobblestone Path of No Return] ¨C Which part of this warrants the ¡°No Return¡± again? ¨C and this time glued  his eyes to the canaryness¡­ The singing was a way to protect the mind from external influences by focusing it on a rhythmic tune. He learnt the trick from cave dwellers who actually raised  [Slutty Dream Slug]. According to them, slug milk was a delicacy.


    It really was delicious¡­ Although, I still feel guilty about suggesting them to market ¡°mind porn¡± to the surrounding villages. I might have launched a terrifying industry¡­ Oh, well¡­ At least that place will be the safest in Pandore once adventurers reach it. Most players would die before allowing the destruction of their fap material.


    With unflattering philosophical thoughts about the profound essence of mankind, Elric struck up the next verse with approximate faithfulness. Singer wasn¡¯t exactly his strong suit. He was better at whistling.


    ¡°? Her land at peace, she kept us warmed. ? Gift of Heaven, Her name¡¯s Ishtar. ??¡±


    This song was his current favourite. By the raising band ¡°Faust¡±<2>, it told the story of a benevolent queen, who was dragged down into war and insanity by envious neighbouring rulers, which ended up causing their mutual destruction.


    ¡°? Jealousy at heart, they stole what was Hers. ?? They woke the beast: DEATH TO THOSE FUCKERS!! ?¡±


    It wasn¡¯t a quiet song.


    Faust was in fact mostly into folk metal <3> with a bit of symphonic <4> on the side. They played UT too, as bards ¨C obviously ¨C but very violent and chaotic bards, wielding self-customized musical weapons. People still came to their concerts though, both in real life and in-game.


    ¡°? Her back to the gods, who betrayed Her trust, ? Her powers rampaged, fed by Her bloodlust, ? Forbidden dark spells, insults to Heaven, ? The angel was dead, rose the Black Raven! ?  ?¡±


    Their music and their play-style had made Elric a die-hard fan.


    Now that I think of it, the release of their next album is in three days. I must remember to¡­ Oh.


    ¡°FU¡­dge.¡±


    ¡­to not lose focus on the road.


    Concentration definitely wasn¡¯t his forte.


    The bridge was before him.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    It took four more hours, one rage trip to the other side of the river, two [Why-Me Unfortunate Zombie], three [That-Is-Not-A-Way-To-Deal-With-Your-Issues Animated Cadaver], one [Calm-Down-Man Dullahan] ¨C as he vent his anger, [Out-Of-Patience Solar Kight ¡°Elric¡±] was renaming his victims ¨C, one rancid weed sandwich, one improvised poisonous tea, one detoxification spell, three mana potions, one newfound hatred for hearts, pink, and bridges in general, as well as a growing ice-cream carving, for Elric to finally figure out what was wrong in his approach. The verdict was, of course:


    ¡°Soul magic.¡±


    After his little rampage, he had calmed enough to thoroughly analyse the situation once again. It appeared his starting postulate had been slightly off. Firstly, yes, the mist drove him back to the river of souls, but it wasn¡¯t a void-based spell, but really a soul-based one. It directly enticed the very core of his being, without bothering with the external senses, and forced it to seek the cursed shore. Secondly, despite at first feeling something was amiss, Elric had eventually assumed the engraved bricks only caused the haze. Breaking his newest rule number 373 <5>, he hadn¡¯t paid much attention to it and soon forgot about the thought.


    In fact the [Yellow Cobblestone Path of No Return], atop of spreading illusionary fog, also lead those who walked it out of its own course, pushing them inside the murky trap. It made sense it would, as the whiteness was less dense around the road. So if one managed to stay on tracks, they might possibly reach the other side of the wicked candy floss.


    That¡­ or there are two identical bridges at both ends of the road, and this whole forest has been heavily trolling me since this morning.


    Elric had finally noticed his error after he reluctantly used one of the three soul spells he knew, [Soul Defence] ¨C the others being [Soul Heal] and [Soul Grab]. After centuries of undead infestation, the Erwynians had picked up a few tricks. A month ago, right after defeating his third lich, Elric had made the acquaintance of an old self-proclaimed necromancer, begging in the town of Utar, which is somewhere east of Ashen. In exchange for a week of meals, the man, named Kalver, had accepted to teach Elric the basics of soul magic while he cured the Solar Knight of a nasty curse, parting gift of the relentless bony warlock.


    The [Soul Defence] offered him some protection against spiritual manipulation. At Elric¡¯s level of mastery, it wasn¡¯t enough to prevent it, but sufficed for detecting if he was being influenced and vaguely how.


    Should have used that in the first place. F¡¯cking genius! Being distracted and riled up isn¡¯t an excuse.


    ¡°But that doesn¡¯t tell me how to actually get through.¡±


    With exaggerated moues, he rummaged through his deranged brain ¨C putting back some order while he was at it ¨C and tried to find a way to bypass his magical shortcomings. After a while:


    ¡°AH! Hahaha. That  could work. Seriously¡­¡± He shook his head in self-mocking.


    I¡¯ve been really out of it this past two days. How do the Reckless Imbecile deal with such situations? Don¡¯t think too hard.


    ¡°The simplest solution is often the right one. Rule 8!¡±


    Ah. I did find it strange how those rules were popping in the right order lately¡­


    Back to his usual ¡°normal¡± self ¨C for now ¨C, Elric stood up from the bridge he was sitting on and, without halting, he followed the Yellow Brick Road ¨C Fuck you, copyright! ¨C, [Soul Defence] up, and eyes shut.


    His reasoning was as such: he had no way of protecting himself from the spell, so he would just go exactly in the opposite direction from where his mind told him to go! His [Soul Defence] enabled him to feel the magical influence and he closed his eyes to better concentrate on his intuition, all in order to disobey himself more efficiently! The strategy was simplistic, borderline suicidal. Even if the white mist was devoid of predators, one mistake and he would be back on the shore, blindly strolling towards the caustic phantasmal current. It was, however, his only option. Well, he could always grind his soul magic until it was up to the task, but how boring was that!


    Slowly pacing in total darkness, Elric voicelessly sang ¡°Rise of the Black Raven¡±, ignoring the feeling of stone under his feet, the moisture against his skin, or the sound of fallen branches he supposedly stamped over, going left when right felt right, and right when left right felt.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After what seemed hours, he sensed the caress of the sun against his skin, and stopped. That was new. Without opening his eyes, he pondered what to do. His [Soul Defence] didn¡¯t seem to detect any danger anymore, and, as a Solar Knight, he could tell the sunlight was the real deal. However, the entire sky of Erwyn was supposed to be constantly covered in clouds. According to the Locals ¨C the way adventurers referred to NPCs ¨C it had been this way for centuries, and Elric was too afraid of heedlessly trusting himself after looping in place all the afternoon.


    By the pink bridge of cuteness, this is annoying¡­ Blast! I¡¯ve done enough thinking for an entire month already. I¡¯ll ju-


    *fa-thud*


    Something heavy hitting the ground interrupted his thinking. At the sound, he reflexively opened his eyes and turned around in search of its source, distractedly noting he was indeed in an immense sunny clearing surrounded by the foggy woods, and still standing on the lemon road. He suddenly came face to face with a sturdy ¨C living ¨C thirty-something woman in villager garb. She looked human. At her feet, a basket spilling its apples was probably what made the loud thud. She stood frozen in front of a row of apple trees, her hands covering her mouth, and was staring at the armoured knight in visible shock.


    ¡°Hee¡­¡± Socialising, along with singing and thinking straight, had always been quite low level skills on Elric¡¯s list.


    ¡°Hel¡­ Okay?¡±


    Midway through his ¨C tentative ¨C salutations, the villager turned on her heels and, leaving her apples behind, ran towards a wooden-fenced hamlet, which stood on the other side of the clearing, leaning against an emerald-coloured mountain ¨C Still ripping off Oz, hum? I thought you said ¡°Waiting for you in Wonderland¡± or something. Keep your story strait Whatever!  The mountain was kind of low ¨C as far as mountains go ¨C  but quite large, and still managed to block most of the view.


    They don¡¯t seem to have visitors often around here.


    The Wandering Knight wasn¡¯t overly concerned with the woman¡¯s reaction. When travelling the Wild, one would often come across secluded villages, whose residents were ill-disposed towards outsiders. The important thing was not to counter-attack too earnestly when they brought out the pitchforks.


    Picking up the fruit sack, he made his way towards the hamlet. The gloomily named cobblestone path still continued in that direction after all, and its bricks were now free of scribbling. A quick look backwards confirmed the runes stopped at the limit of the trees, and the evil candy floss with them. The mist apparently served as a barrier of sorts, and not a single raised corpse was in sight. That explained the need for soul magic, as the walking dead wouldn¡¯t be swayed by normal illusions. Elric even spotted a few birds flying around, and a fox poking his muzzle out of its earth. Feeling the sun for the first time in months was a bliss. The Solar Knight could feel all his exhausted power come back to him. He took in a deep breath of pure, rot-free air, and sincerely smiled, without wicked afterthoughts, for the first time in a while.


    After some more leisurely strolling, Elric arrived at the gates of the small village. No one was in sight. Only silence greeted him. The Famished Knight swallowed the rest of his fourth apple, and was about to call out when an untimely pop-up startled him.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Congratulations!  You are the first to discover [Kansas].


    +200 Fame.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Okay. Now you even stopped trying.


    He dismissed the unoriginal window, took an inspiration and, once again, was about to call out to the villagers, when a huge roaring snow-white fireball suddenly materialized above the gate, swooping down on him with the momentum of a point-blank meteor.


    ¡°Oh. No pitchforks then?¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> For those who wonder where rule #3 went ¨C pretty sure nobody paid enough attention, or cared ¨C it was ¡°Irresponsible, yes! Overconfident, no.¡± As a reminder, rules #1 and #2 were ¡°When there¡¯s fun to get, take it! When there isn¡¯t, make it!¡± and ¡°Comfortableness and style have to be prioritized over efficiency¡±.


    <2> I¡¯m aware there¡¯s actually a band called Faust</a>. That isn¡¯t it and is an entirely fictional group whose members will become secondary characters at some point.


    <3> Here¡¯s a little example, by a band named Ensiferum:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    This one is actually classified as ¡°viking metal¡±, but it¡¯s similar and has common origin. Most compilations you¡¯ll find on youtube mix the two anyway. And to those who still wish to argue about genres, I¡¯ll use the author¡¯s joker and say musical norms evolved through the years, since the story takes place somewhere between 2040 and 2060, the exact date don¡¯t really matter right now.


    <4> Nightwish</a> and Epica</a> are the two examples I can think of right now, without going into my playlist.


    <5> Elric¡¯s rule #373: ¡°Only trust your guts in places that spawn undead squirrels.¡±


    <hr />


    This chapter was written while listening to Kimyou na Yume</a> (Nazo no Kanojo) in a loop. I think I killed someone in my brain. But it¡¯s okay. He didn¡¯t talk to me much lately anyway. And maybe he¡¯s fine? Who knows? I¡¯ll have to ask his siblings. And my eyes suffered much more from screen-fixation.


    Sorry for the cliff-hanger. I really ham, and I really salami too, but this was the only place I could cut without it falling flat on its metaphorical face or being even frustratinger.


    Also, seeing last chapter marked the end of massive exposition, this one started what I could call ¡°the plot¡±, although real epic adventuring will have to wait after Elric gets cursed. I still welcome any suggestion: a monster, a character ¨C player or NPC ¨C, a place, a power, a plot element even, whatever you feel like suggesting. I don¡¯t promise I will use it, but I will read all comments, and answer if they call for it. Likewise, all critiques will be thoroughly considered.


    So, entschuldigung, and, as always, thank you for killing your brain cells on what killed my eyesight, and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.07 – You Have No Power Here!

    Chapter 7 ¨C You Have No Power Here!


    Pintel: ¡°You''re supposed to be dead!¡±


    Jack Sparrow: ¡°Am I not?¡±


    ¨C Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Twenty days before breakdown, evening (IGT)


    *weeeezzzsshhhrrrrrroar*


    ¡°Oh. No pitchforks then?¡±


    The bleached inferno violently crashed onto the unmoving knight, who didn¡¯t react in any way to protect himself. Blinding light engulfed him. Roaring flames avidly devoured their designated prey, and it seemed nothing could survive to their mindless voracity. Inside the immaculate conflagration, however, an unfazed Elric let out a derisive chuckle.


    ¡°Tssshehe.¡±


    That¡¯s cute.


    Despite its impressive form, [Purity Blaze] was still merely a first tier holly spell. Furthermore, it was only effective against those ¡°tainted¡± by darkness. Very useful in melee fights involving demonic monsters, or undead, since it virtually erased the risk of harmful friendly fire ¨C no pun intended ¨C while efficiently wiping enemies over a large area. However, against a Paladin ¨C be it a freelance one ¨C of the late second   tier Light affinity, it really couldn¡¯t achieve much. Even if Elric wouldn¡¯t quite consider himself ¡°pure¡±, the holly flare was only mildly annoying at most, because the brightness hurt his eyes, which he shut.


    Muhahahaha! You can¡¯t hurt me, puny holly mages! Feeeeeeaaaaar Meeee¡­*mental cough* Anyway.


    ¡°Heee¡­ Excu-¡±


    *weeeeeeeezzzz*


    He was once again  interrupted by the deafening whistle of a second cluster of cleansing flames, diving towards him, and closely followed by a third, then a fourth. It didn¡¯t look like the villagers were eager to hear him out.


    ¡­This might take a while¡­


    For several minutes, Elric endured the ¨C totally ineffective and pointless ¨C onslaught. Truth be told, the Solar Knight could easily have shielded himself, blasted the wooden doors away, and rendered his assailants powerless, all in a single move. Being his favourite spell, [Sun Guardian] ¨C basically a mecha made of sunlight ¨C would have done the trick nicely. However, his goal here was still peaceful interaction, not all-out, one-sided, war. The villagers weren¡¯t entirely at fault either. On hindsight, perhaps  approaching a woman while covered in patches of dried blood and various innards ¨C brain matter? ¨C stains was not the best way to get a favourable response. In fact, it already was a wonder why she simply ran away ¡°quietly¡± and wasn¡¯t screaming in horror all the way to the hamlet.


    True, I was walking blind, and the day had been messy to say the least. BUT¡­ that still was unbecomingly rude of me. Tss tss tss¡­ I¡¯m ashamed. Sorry Miss.


    Given his gory appearance, it wouldn¡¯t be surprising if Elric had been mistaken for some kind of [Death Knight] or [Vengeful Erring Armour] ¨C Those really are a pain in the ass... Ah. Except you Alfy, you¡¯re a bro.  That would also explain why they insisted in showering him with holly magic. He did remove his helmet on the way to the hamlet, therefore exposing his ¨C perfectly normal, human, and golden-haired ¨C head for all to see, but fear was rarely a fodder for rational thinking. The Sage of the Wild didn¡¯t hold it against them. Plus, their barrage was having an effect of sorts: his armour was now spotless, all the nastiness burnt away.


    ? Tired of dirty equipment after a merry day of slaughtering hordes of harassingly aggressive corpses? Well, fear no more! ¡°Holly Magic¡± is there for you. ¡°Holly magic¡±, because He doesn¡¯t only wash away your sins. *wink* ? <1>


    After a while, the interval in-between shots started to lengthen, until the assault eventually stopped, the spellcasters finally out of fuel ¨C Well, [Purity Blaze] isn¡¯t really what I¡¯d call ¡°mana-efficient¡±. The now glittering Silver Knight opened an eye, raising an inquiring eyebrow.


    Is that it?


    ¡°Is it still there?¡±


    A muffled voice echoed his mental question, raising from the other side of the wooden fence. Elric looked up, catching a glimpse of a villager peeking over, five metres above ground, before quickly ducking back down.


    Levitation? No, probably just an observation platform.


    ¡°It is. It didn¡¯t even looked hurt.¡± ¨C Not the same voice.


    There are at least two people in there. Three if I count Apples Woman.


    Villager 1: ¡°What?!¡±


    A second head briefly rose up.


    Villager 3: ¡°It¡¯s true!¡±


    How many are they? This one sounds younger. Adolescent?


    Villager 2: ¡°Told you so.¡±


    Villager 3: ¡°W-W-What are we going to do? WAAAAH! Why did the s-s-spell fai-failed?¡±


    Hoy. Calm down. I won¡¯t bite¡­ unless provoked.


    Villager 1: ¡°Think! How could something strong enough to pass through the [Misty Soul Barrier] be affected by a measly [Purity Blast]?¡±


    Oh. This one seems vaguely smart. He is still a bit off the mark though, but that does confirm my hypothesis on Canary¡¯s Foggy Fart. A barrier. How annoying. Wait¡­ If they knew it wouldn¡¯t work, why did they even try? And it¡¯s [Purity Blaze], not ¡°Blast¡±. Get it right, it¡¯s embarrassing! Should I say something? They sound really frightened¡­ Naaah. Let them talk. They¡¯re funny.


    Villager 1: ¡°How did it look?¡±


    Villager 3: ¡°A giant! At least THREE METRES!! Covered in armour! It looked invincible!¡±


    F-F-Flattery won¡¯t g-get you a-a-anywhere. ~Baka!~


    Villager 1:  ¡°A [Dullahan]?¡±


    Villager 3: ¡°No. I saw a head.¡±


    If you saw it, can¡¯t you tell I¡¯m freakin¡¯ ALIVE?! ¡­Moron.


    Villager 1: ¡°An [Erring Armour]?¡±


    Villager 3: ¡°No helmet.¡±


    Villager 1: ¡°[Armoured Skelton]?¡±


    Villager 3: ¡°Didn¡¯t seem that bony.¡±


    LOOK BETTTER!!


    Villager 1, slightly losing patience: ¡°What  was it then?!¡±


    Villager 3: ¡°Dunno.¡±


    Villager 1: ¡°AAAAARGH! Get down here, you dimwit. I¡¯m going up!¡±


    Villager 2: ¡°Keep calm Melk. You know how Dennis is.¡±


    Twooo!? You¡¯re still there? Please take a look. Save me from these idiots.


    Melk: ¡°gnmbraindamagengrrrnidiotgemeniud¡­¡±


    Dennis: ¡°Heeee¡­ That¡¯s mean, bro.¡±


    Bro?: ¡°Shut up, Dennis. What it is doesn¡¯t matter. It can¡¯t get through the magic fence anyway.¡±


    Magic uh? Good thing I didn¡¯t try to smash it. If it¡¯s stronger than the Candy Floss of Loopness, that wouldn¡¯t have ended up well¡­


    Bro: ¡°But we can¡¯t let it wander around indefinitely. Melk, you go back to your wife. Dennis, you stay here on watch. I¡¯m counting on you. Don¡¯t move! Don¡¯t leave your post!! Don¡¯t piss yourself¡­ I¡¯ll go wake up the Elder.¡±


    Sorry, I misjudged you, Bro. You¡¯re smarter than Melk¡­ eeeh. WAIT!? Did you decide to NUKE me while the one in charge was taking a nap?! FUCK YOU, BRO!!!


    After Nuke-First-Ask-Questions-Later ¡°Bro¡± left, silence fell back, broken only by the faint clattering of teeth and what sounded like an uninterrupted murmured prayer. Standing in front of the gates, Elric waited some time, but Dimwit Incontinent Dennis didn¡¯t dare to take another look.


    Now what? Do I call out? I wonder... As far as I know, liches are the only undead that talk... as long as they come in human shape¡­ although Grandiose McNutty did seem to attempt communication. Tsh. Probably something like ¡°I¡¯m freakin¡¯ awesome!¡± or ¡°Fear my mighty self! Mortal fool!¡± Liches are all so full of themselves. The whole ¡°transcending death¡± thing and all¡­  Anyway. What to do¡­ What to do? I don¡¯t want little Dennis to freak out on me. He really doesn¡¯t strike me as Mister Courageous, nor Mister Brain for that matter¡­ Ah. Let¡¯s just wait for the Elder. The sun feels good out here anyway. Hope the old fellow will at least talk to me before trying to blast me into oblivion. If he¡¯s the one behind this fence and the [Misty Soul Barrier], this might become ¡°slightly¡± problematic.


    The resigned knight sat down on the ground, leant his back against the wooden door ¨C maybe looking inoffensive and bored would help ¨C and waited.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Elric must have dozed off at some point, because he was startled awake by a loud high-pitched female voice calling out to the cowardly guard.


    ¡°Hi Dennis! What¡¯s up?¡±


    That¡¯s the Elder?


    She sounded more like a curious little girl than a venerable matriarch. Not that that meant much. If travelling around ¨C and animes ¨C taught the Wandering Knight anything, it was ¡°Never trust someone¡¯s appearance in a world where magic is possible¡± ¨C Rule 34. He once stumbled across one of the hidden dwellings of the Forest People, whose chief barely looked twelve, but was in fact over a thousand years old. Talking with the oddly wise-looking ¡°kid¡± had enlightened the so-called Knowledgeable on so many things about the elven culture and nature in general, Elric had felt embarrassed about his undeserved title.


    It¡¯s actually amazing how deep this world was thought out.


    Listening carefully to confirm the identity of the ¨C supposedly ¨C young newcomer, Elric was immediately reassured by the frightened idiot¡¯s answer.


    ¡°Dorothy? What are you doing here?! Go back home. It¡¯s dangerous. There¡¯s an undead monster outside.¡±


    Ah. Of course there was a Dorothy in Kansas. Whatever Inc. really is thorough, even in nonsense apparently. Although, shouldn¡¯t she be a teenager? This one sounds no more than eight¡­


    ¡°Shut up! Don¡¯t be a wuss Dennis. Move, let me see.¡±


    ¡­an easily angered, foul-mouthed, eight-years-old.


    ¡°Heee?! Dorothy¡­ You ca- Ah!¡± The young man¡¯s voice sounded pitiful. ¡°Please... If something happens to you, Martha will kill me.¡±


    ¡°Nothing will happen if you keep your mouth shut. Or do you want me to tell Meg about that time?¡±


    ¡°Aaaaah¡­ Do what you want. But be quick. And please don¡¯t tell Meg¡­¡± He seemed about to cry.


    ¡°Tehe~ I¡¯ll keep quiet if you do too-oo~¡± Now she sounded more impish than mad.


    ¡°Please¡­¡±


    Dennis¡­ you indeed are a wuss. Yielding to the blackmail of a little girl! Don¡¯t you have any pride as a man? ¡­Well¡­ She did seem dreadful. Better make sure she never gets any dirt on me¡­ Kids sure are scary these days. Ah! Isn¡¯t this supposed to be a medieval setting? Guess that means kids are evil whatever time period they¡¯re in. Scary¡­


    ¡°HEHOOO! Mister Undead? Are you asleep?!¡±


    Right as his thoughts were starting to spiral in a nightmarish direction, ¡°Mister Undead¡± was snapped out of his delirium by the loud call of the apparently fearless Dorothy, brimming with childish enthusiasm. He raised his eyes, and grinned at the sight of a twin-tailed girl barely managing to glance over the edge of the fence. He could easily picture her standing on the tip of her toes on the wooden platform, grabbing the spikes that topped the wall and extending her body, conjuring all her strength just to hold herself up and give him that innocent questioning stare.


    ¡°Dooroothyyyy!!! Don¡¯t attract his attention!¡±


    Shut up, Dennis!


    ¡°Shut up, Dennis!¡±


    Good go Dorothy. But a young lady shouldn¡¯t say things like ¡°shut up¡±.


    ¡°HOY! Mister Undead? What are you doing there? Can you talk?¡±


    ¡°I can talk alright. And I¡¯m no undead. I¡¯m very much alive.¡± He answered her in a cheerful voice. ¡°My name¡¯s Elric. Elric Walker. Twenty-two. Knight. Presently single. As what I¡¯m doing here? Not sure¡­ Waiting for the Elder I suppose. This wussy guy¡¯s brother said he was going to bring him back.¡±


    ¡°Hihihi.¡± She seemed to find funny that the strong-looking Elric called Dennis this wussy guy. Her giggle really was cute ¡­even if the reason behind it was a bit worrisome. Then she added:


    ¡°Marcus?¡±


    ¡°Probably.¡±


    ¡°Then he should be back soon. Marcus is the fastest in the whooole  village.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s good to know.¡± Not that there should be more than twenty inhabitants in your ¡°village¡±, sweetie.


    Dennis peeked over Dorothy¡¯s head. Don¡¯t spoil the angelic sight, you ugly cur!


    ¡°You¡¯re not a monster?¡±


    With his face twisted exaggeratedly in puzzlement, Elric looked over himself. He then suddenly glared back at the young guard, who let out a scared yelp, earning him a disdainful glance from Dorothy.


    ¡°Not that I know of.¡±


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you say so earlier?¡±


    ¡°You threw fire at me.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°S¡¯ry ¡®bout that.¡±


    ¡°¡­Yeah.¡±


    ¡°The Elder should be here soon.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Please make yourself comfortable while waiting.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­¡­Yeah.¡±


    ¡°¡­ahah¡­ I¡¯d better give bro some updates. He¡¯s not going to be happy¡­ I¡¯ll be going then. Don¡¯t do something suspicious while I¡¯m gone!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­¡­¡­Yeah. You do that.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m leaving then. You too Dorothy. I don¡¯t want you to be here when bro comes back. And you don¡¯t want that either.¡±


    ¡°Tsh¡­.¡¯kay.¡±  She seemed really annoyed.


    You¡¯re quite something bro. No, Marcus. Getting the respect of this fierce creature. I might forgive you for the nukes. Maybe.


    ¡°Bye bye, Mister Not-Undead Single Elric Walker!¡± ¨C Aaaaaaaw~ Cuteness overload!


    The ¡°single¡± really wasn¡¯t necessary though¡­


    Smiling, Elric waved back wordlessly, pondering once again about the wasteland that had become his love-life.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Half an hour later, some explanations, a blushing woman offering profuse apologies, Elric apologising back, and Marcus punching Dennis in the face for jumping to conclusion after Ingrid ¨C Apples Woman ¨C came back scared as hell and started spouting confused gibberish about an armoured man, covered in blood and entrails, stumbling around near the entrance of the woods, the cleaned knight was standing in the middle of a small crowd, and was giving a rapid account of the circumstances that led to this unfortunate misunderstanding.


    Well, a ¡°rapid¡± account still took the unfocused Elric almost two hours, as he constantly trailed off to elaborate on some events, causing the villagers to grow more and more dumbfounded. By the time he finally reached the part about how he managed to cross the fog barrier, everybody was speechless, jaws dropped, exception made of two people. One was a captivated Dorothy, who during his speech had shown a surprisingly wide panel of intense emotions, and now wore a wide-eyed expression of revering awe. The other was a strange old man who, for a while already, had been rolling on the ground, splitting his sides laughing.


    ¡°Hohoho¡­ and¡­ you¡­ were lost because¡­ the squirrel¡­ pfffft¡­ HOHOHOHOHO¡­ And you walked¡­ through¡­ eyOHOHOHO¡­ CLOSED!!! Ho¡­ HAHa¡­ haha¡­ Lad, I don¡¯t know if you¡¯re crazy, or brilliant! Hahaha!¡±


    ¡°¡­ It''s remarkable how often those two traits coincide...¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­ Nicely said.¡± The old man commented as he got up, using the hem of his unclean shirt to wipe his tear-covered face, and reaching for his cane with his free hand.


    ¡°I got it from a pirate.¡±


    ¡°He seems like¡­ hoho¡­ a wise pirate.¡±


    ¡°Not sure about that¡­ but could we stick to ripping off a single movie at a time, please?¡±


    ¡°Ha¡­ What do you mean by that?¡±


    *sigh* ¡°Nothing¡­ So, you¡¯re the Elder?¡±


    ¡°Indeed I am, oh young crazy one. Hehehe¡­¡±


    ¡°So you decided to go with crazy.¡±


    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.¡°It¡¯s my village.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t argue with that.¡±


    Elric took another look at the self-designated Elder.


    This geriatric joker was rather special looking to say the least. He visibly used to be tall, probably as tall as Elric, but the years had caused him to become heavily stooped. The Elder wasn¡¯t exactly hunchback, nor deformed in the usual sense, but oddly curved. He was forming a smooth arch as he leant on his cane, and his skully head hang well lower than his shoulders. His broad back and large frame betrayed a former burly man, but all his muscles had long since melted. The arms that extended out from his black, washed-out, sleeveless baggy shirt now mimicked those of the skeletons that roamed the rest of the country. Long diaphanous hairs, that may have one day been blond, left most of his scalp naked. Both his eyes had sunk into their sockets, and a thick scar above the right one forced the smirking elderly into a constant suspicious wink. Curiously, his smile exposed spotless white teeth, of which at least four were missing. Elric wouldn¡¯t readily have accepted a red apple offered by the man.


    After recovering from his laughing fit, the Elder raised a hand resembling a skinny claw, calling for the attention of his fellow citizens.


    ¡°Hoho¡­*cough* Now now. We all had our fun, but our first guest in¡­ well, in forever¡­ must be quite tired from his *cough* exploits *cough* and your flabbergast stares are probably making him uncomfortable. Go back to your evening activities. All of you. ¡­and, Marcus, wake up your brother, or take him somewhere else. He can¡¯t sleep in the middle of the square like that. Crazy One, follow me.¡±


    ¡°Elric.¡±


    ¡°Crazy Elric, if you insist.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Elric followed the selfish old man, briefly glimpsing at the unconscious Dennis being dragged away. Marcus ¡°Bro¡± had punched him quite hard earlier. Everyone else had already left, except from Dorothy who was trailing after them. A slender woman ¨C probably the fearsome aforementioned ¡°Martha¡± ¨C had tried to call out to her, but was wilfully ignored. She quickly gave up, apparently thinking nothing could happen inside the hamlet.


    It was one thing that Elric had noted. None of the villagers were wary about letting a suspicious man alone with their seemingly debilitated leader and a defenceless little girl. This strengthened the idea Elric had of the old man being some overpowered enchanter of sorts. That also maybe had to do with the fact their ¡°guest¡± had nowhere to run, while every single inhabitant but Dorothy looked capable of wrestling a wyvern barehanded. Even Dennis, for all his cowardice and idiocy, was extremely well built for someone around sixteen. Not to forget someone here had been able to continuously fire [Purity Blaze] for several minutes. Even if several mages had joined their efforts, that still was nothing to laugh at.


    ¡­or Dorothy is actually a millennium-old necromancer who could kill by blinking too hard, but I still have my doubts about this hypothesis.


    They walked past a few modest wooden houses. The ¡°village¡± was made of about fifteen of those. During his ¡°short¡± lecture earlier, Elric had also counted only nineteen villagers, including Marcus, Dennis, Martha, a middle-aged couple he identified as Melk and his wife, Ingird, the Elder and Dorothy, as well as a young woman he guessed was Meg, because she kept glancing at the passed-out Dennis with a mix of pity and annoyance.


    While looking around, he asked a few questions to the old man ahead of him, who answered readily, but without looking back.


    ¡°Excuse me, Elder, do you have an altar around here?¡±


    ¡°An altar? I don¡¯t remember seeing anything like that could be called that in Kansas, and I¡¯ve been around long enough to know every speck of dust in this whole clearing.¡±


    Damn. I knew it. It would have been waaaay to easy. Did you notice my sarcasm, oh me?


    In Untold Tales, to be able to revive somewhere, a player had first to ¡°register¡± at the altar of said place. Touching it would be enough actually. When logging back in, after minimum 24 real hours of ban, the adventurer would then reappear next to the registered altar which was closest to his point of death. Most safe zones had one, except from some special areas, which a hidden village like Kansas clearly counted as. Therefore, Elric¡¯s nearest revive point still was the town of Ashen, weeks, woods and illusion barrier away to the east. That made the perspective of death very  unappealing to the knight.


    During the short walk, the Knowledgeable also learnt that the main source of food here was apples. He wasn¡¯t such a fan of fruits in general, but, at this point, he probably would have eaten undead meat if he had to skip his next meal. Another discovery was that the villager¡¯s clothes were made out of some kind of rough silk, produced by giant worms. A man named Lagerfeld was in charge of raising them in a ranch outside of the fence and of turning the humongous larvae¡¯s secretion into usable fabric. Kansans worshiped the God of Order ¨C Am I supposed to start a crusade or something? ¨C like most of the Kingdom of Erwyn. A fact Elric had always found hugely ironic, because he never encountered a place with more dis-order than a fallen nation infested with undead, not to mention his recent misadventures. But maybe that was the whole point of praying? Anyway, they weren¡¯t very practising, since there wasn¡¯t any priest in Kansas. Similarly, there wasn¡¯t any blacksmith, nor real tailor to speak of, and everyone made their own tools and garb. Finally, the Elder pretended not to have any other name than ¡°Elder¡±. A suspicious statement, most likely a lie, which raised even more questions, but the patient Wandering Knight wasn¡¯t one to push people for answers they weren¡¯t willing, or ready, to give.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After some time ¨C saying the nameless Elder walked slowly was quite the euphemism ¨C Elric¡¯s guide eventually stopped at the base of the emerald mountain, a distance away from the constructions, but still inside the perimeter of the magical fence. The following Dorothy immediately came to a halt and hid behind a bush. Merely four metres behind them, she wasn¡¯t exactly difficult to spot, but the mismatched pair pretended not to notice anything.


    They were now facing a small but dense grove, leaning against a green stone cliff. Next to it stood a low log cabin, even humbler than the other habitations. The Elder laboriously sat down in front of the unpretentious abode, and wordlessly patted the ground next to him, inviting the standing knight to come and join him. Before doing so, Elric unequipped his heavy silver armour, replacing it by a more convenient, villager-styled casual wear.


    The makers of the game, despite their apparent obsession with realism, had been forced to make a few concessions under the pressure of masses of infuriated players. The inventory function had been one of those updates. The ability of instantaneously changing garb ¨C weapons worked differently ¨C outside of combat was another, and even the most hard-core role-players like the Wandering Knight were glad to be exempt of the hassle of putting on and removing full-plate medieval armours.


    At Elric¡¯s action, a muffled gasp rose from a nearby suspect bush. He made a mental note to ¡°materialize¡± a gift for the little girl later. Despite the lack of suitable materials in undead drops, the Sewing Knight still possessed one stuffed animal he had kept for some special occasion.


    The Elder only chuckled.


    ¡°That¡¯s a convenient trick you got there, young one.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t deny it.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ Back to the point. I¡¯ll have to ask you. Do you have any plans in the near future?¡±


    ¡°Mmmh? Not really.¡±


    The other nodded as if he expected the answer.


    ¡°Indeed. You don¡¯t seem one to plan much beforehand.¡±


    ¡°Hey! I don- No. You¡¯re probably right.¡± Elric admitted, incapable to honestly defend himself. ¡°Well, I did intend to leave the country for a while, since undead tend to wear you out after a while, but since I found this safe and pleasant place... Do you mind if I stay here a bit?¡±


    ¡°This little hamlet of ours indeed is a pleasant haven¡­ Undead, hu? That¡¯s still going on? Young idiots playing with powers they believe they understand. Ah! Foolish. May the gods have pity on their immortal souls.¡± Frowning, the old man muttered, half-derisive, half-concerned, actually more to himself than to Elric. Then he seemed to remember his interlocutor.  ¡°Oh. But no¡­ No, of course I don¡¯t mind. Some divertiss¡­ eeeh¡­ new blood is always welcomed. In fact, there¡¯s a little something that had been troubling me lately. Would you hear me out, young adventurer?¡±


    So it¡¯s ¡°young adventurer¡± now, hum? I know that speech pattern¡­ After your trigger-happy fellow citizens almost mistakenly burnt my-thankfully-immune-self to death, you old crook will shamelessly push on me some random task you can¡¯t or won¡¯t perform yourself. *mental sigh* NPCs¡­


    It was the same wherever Elric went. But was the Reckless Imbecile one to shy away from a potential quest? No, of course.


    ¡°What is it?¡±


    The Elder grinned broadly, flashing his toothpaste smile and its few stomps.


    ¡°I knew you weren¡¯t one to turn down this powerless old man¡¯s request.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡±Powerless¡± my ass.


    Elric¡¯s raised eyebrow must have been pretty showy, because the ¡°inoffensive¡± grandpa immediately followed up by lifting a hand in appeasement, and added:


    ¡°It¡¯s nothing difficult. Don¡¯t worry¡­ Not dangerous would be more accurate in fact.¡±


    He glanced at a nearby snoring bush, and asked, in a lowered his voice:


    ¡°What do you think of Dorothy?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not marrying a height-years-old.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± There was a slight awkward pause. ¡°Your thought pattern never ceases to fascinate me¡­ I won¡¯t ask you to marry her. I just want you to take care of her for some time.¡±


    ¡°Oh... Sorry. I jumped to conclusion.¡±


    ¡°No hard feelings. My poor choice of words was misleading.¡±


    He made a curious face, as if recalling dark thoughts, and seemed to hesitate before adding:


    ¡°However¡­ Heed my advice, young one. Wordplays might be inoffensive, but acting on a misunderstanding without careful considerations only leads to disaster and regret¡­ I speak out of experience.¡±


    Surprised by the sudden serious and bitter tone of the usually cheerful-looking old man, Elric could only nod gravely in acquiescence.


    ¡°Good.¡± He then switched back to his happy-go-lucky self, as if nothing happened. ¡°So, as I said, I would be grateful if you could spend some time with the little one. A few days would suffice.¡±


    ¡°But, isn¡¯t she already living with¡­ eeeh¡­ Martha?¡± It wasn¡¯t a rebuttal, just an honest interrogation.


    ¡°Indeed she is. And Martha takes good care of her. However, they aren¡¯t linked by blood. Dorothy¡¯s parents died¡­ some years ago, in an unfortunate accident. Martha took her in. She¡¯s an intransigent woman, but a good person, although she isn¡¯t that good with kids. It¡¯s a wonder why she proposed herself for the task¡­ and Dorothy never really looked sad or even unhappy. She¡¯s quite expressive and wilful actually¡­ but¡­  I¡¯ve yet to see this child smile earnestly. It breaks my old heart, or what¡¯s left of it. Hehe. Martha¡¯s not at fault here, really. I think Dorothy was traumatized by what happened to her parents. She doesn¡¯t remember anything about the incident, or her parents for that matter, but I¡¯m worried of the effects these repressed memories might have on her. She doesn¡¯t have anyone around to play but boring adults either. I¡¯m sure you noticed. The closest to her age is Dennis, but¡­ Well, Dennis is Dennis. And Dorothy has too much of an empire on the poor fool for him to be of any use on that particular issue, not that he has much use in anything else¡­ But I digress.¡±


    ¡°So you want me to make her earnestly smile again?¡±


    ¡°That would be the best I can hope for. Although I would be satisfied if you could simply keep her happy for a while.  Will you do it?¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Quest: The little girl who couldn¡¯t smile


    The Elder of Kansas is concerned about the youngest member of his community. Dorothy was left orphaned after a traumatizing incident. She hasn¡¯t earnestly smiled ever since. The Elder has sought your assistance in helping the young girl regain her lost happiness.


    Difficulty D


    Success  Conditions:


    - Dorothy honestly smiles again.


    Failure  Conditions:


    - Dorothy smiles remain empty.


    - Dorothy dies.


    Consequences:


    Upon Success:


    - Raised intimacy with the inhabitants of Kansas.


    - Intimacy with Dorothy raised to MAX.


    Upon Failure:


    - Varies on the results:


    -- If Dorothy¡¯s state remains the same, the villagers won¡¯t hold it against you since none of them succeeded either.


    -- If Dorothy¡¯s state worsens, your intimacy with the villagers will drop.


    <hr />


    - Do you accept? -


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Tsh.


    That was exactly why Elric disliked quest windows. All seemed so simple once put into terms of success, failure and quantifiable gain.


    And, failure if ¡°Dorothy dies¡±? No shit Sherlock. Does that counts as ¡°her state worsens¡±? Why not add ¡°Failure if Kansas explodes¡±?! *mental sigh of exasperation*


    Low intimacy with NPCs could result in being thrown out of the settlement and banned from entry, but that wasn¡¯t what bothered him. Summed up like that, all he had to do was apparently to make Dorothy smile. However, he knew it wasn¡¯t that basic.


    ¡°Healing a mentally wounded child¡­ That¡¯s tough, Elder. I¡¯m not a tactful guy. What makes you think I¡¯m up to the task?¡±


    ¡°Well, you seem to have a¡­ rather unique approach on life. Maybe you will succeed where all others failed.¡± His words seemed to carry some sort of hidden message, but Elric didn¡¯t thought wise to dwell on it too much. Old people usually couldn¡¯t open their mouth without adding at least twenty different meanings under each word. At least that was the case in MMORPGs.


    ¡°And¡­¡± The elderly chief continued, showing a joyful face. ¡°Also¡­ mostly¡­ because I haven¡¯t see Dorothy this lively in a long time. Look, she even collapsed from exhaustion out here, when she usually can¡¯t fall asleep outside of her bed.¡±


    The Sage of the Wild stare at the shrub for a few seconds, then let out a resigned sigh.


    ¡°I will try my best. I can¡¯t guarantee you success, but I promise I won¡¯t let her get worse.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t ask for more. Thank you.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have accepted the quest ¡°The little girl who couldn¡¯t smile¡±.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> And for those among us not fortunate enough to have access to magic, I point you towards the wonderful Zom Be-Gone</a>.


    <hr />


    A little note first: the title of this chapter might call out to most of you as a LotR reference, and of course, it works, but know that it is also part of a famous quote</a> from the Wizard of Oz.


    Soooo¡­ This is the longest chapter to date. Happy Birthday! Nothing much to say. Comment. Like. Dislike. Suggest. Rate?


    What do you think of the quest window? Clear enough? And do you prefer shorter chapters? I don¡¯t really target a particular length actually, more like blocks of plot¡­ Would you like more comedy? Is that enough? Does it feel forced?


    Well, as always, thanks for reading, and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.08 – Brain, Heart…

    Chapter 8 ¨C Brain, Heart¡­


    ¡°Oh, I see¡± said the Tin Woodman ¡°But, after all, brains are not the best things in the word.¡±


    ¡°Have you any?¡± enquired the Scarecrow.


    ¡°No, my head is quite empty,¡± answered the Woodman


    ¡°But once I had brains, and a heart also. So, having tried them both, I should rather have a heart.¡±


    ¨C L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Twenty days before breakdown, late evening (IGT)


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have accepted the quest ¡°The little girl who couldn¡¯t smile¡±.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    A tired Elric dismissed the window, then glanced at the last reddish flares of fading daylight. He smiled. Despite the mind-challenging request he just accepted, the Solar Knight really felt appeased, seeing the in-game sunset for the first time in months. He just now realised how much he had missed the virtual night-sky, with its two moons and foreign constellations. The sight really was breath-taking. He would have stayed there until dawn if he could, but now wasn¡¯t the time. Yawning, he got up, stretched widely, and looked down at the Elder, still sitting on the grassy ground.


    ¡°It¡¯s getting late, old man. I better get the little stalker home. Which house is Martha¡¯s?¡±


    ¡°Ah. Yes. Thank you. Hers is the only one with blue tiles, you can¡¯t miss it.¡±


    ¡°Blue roof. Got it.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ And one last thing about the quest. Don¡¯t try to help Dorothy with magic. It wouldn¡¯t yield the expected results. Believe me. In fact, don¡¯t use spells on any of the villagers, not even for healing. That would be for the best.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Elric frowned. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°It has to do with this place. I can¡¯t say more to an outsider... which you are. Sorry.¡±


    Tsh¡­ Is my intimacy level still to low? Or is it something else? I knew this place smelled fishy. Well, at least he¡¯s honest about it. I hate sneaky manipulative liars. Would be a shame not to push a bit more though.


    ¡°Something to do with the illusion barrier?¡±


    The hamlet chief let out a small sigh, before answering:


    ¡°Partially. But I won¡¯t tell you why.¡±


    ¡°Your citizens did use [Purity Blaze] against me though.¡±


    ¡°They were trying to annihilate you.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­oh.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll do without magic then.¡±


    Doesn¡¯t seem like he¡¯ll spill the beans just yet. No biggy. Just you wait, ¡°Elder¡±, I¡¯ve got all the time in the world. Haha! In both worlds in fact. Muhaha! Well¡­ School starts again in six days¡­ So let¡¯s say I¡¯ve got around twenty days here¡­ Hahaha! Just you wait, ¡°Elder¡±! I¡¯ve got ¡°around twenty¡­. No that doesn¡¯t sound overbearing. That sounds pitiful¡­


    Oblivious to Elric¡¯s failed attempt at mental power-ranting, the other calmly responded to the knight¡¯s previous statement:


    ¡°Very well. And thank you again.¡±


    ¡°Stop thanking me. It¡¯s getting creepy.¡±


    The wrinkled chief just smirked mysteriously, eerie shadows casted on his face by the faint greenish glow of the Emerald Mountain.


    ¡°By the way, Martha¡¯s house is quite large, by local standards. I¡¯m pretty sure she has one spare room. You can sleep there if you want. Just tell her you¡¯re going to help with Dorothy, she¡¯ll be overjoyed. Or you can sleep outside. The nights are warm around here, and I¡¯ve heard stargazing is a rare commodity in the outside world.¡±


    ¡°It is. In Erwyn at least. But I¡¯ll take the bed, if offered. I¡¯ve had my back-full of hard bumpy ground.¡±


    ¡°Suit yourself.¡± The Elder laboriously got up.


    Elric stepped towards the inefficiently camouflaged Dorothy, picked her up, and held the child in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder.


    Too young for princess-carry, miss. It would look like I¡¯m holding her lifeless corpse. Not sure Martha would welcome the sight.


    The little sleeper unconsciously clung to his shirt.


    Aaaw~ So cute... She¡¯s such an angel when she sleeps. It¡¯s a shame she turns into a devil whenever she opens her mouth. Please keep your mouth shut, Dorothy.


    With the lightly snoring girl comfortably set up in his arms, Elric voiced a quiet question:


    ¡°Elder? Can I ask you something?¡±


    The old man looked back from his inexistent doorstep, already half inside the log cabin.


    ¡°You can ask me whatever you want, son.¡±


    Ooooh¡­ I¡¯ve ranked up to ¡°son¡± now. Amazing! Ah! No. Not amazing. Focus! ¡°Whatever I want¡± he says¡­


    ¡°What¡¯s your real name?¡±


    ¡°Good try, boy.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Tsh¡­ retrograded.


    ¡°Then, this incident with her parents? What was it?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± The Elder marked a small pause. ¡°Give it your best shot?¡±


    ¡°Undead?¡±


    ¡°I knew you were a smart one. Kekeke.¡±


    With the vague impression of being made fun of, Elric started the short walk back to the main village. From his viewpoint, slightly uphill, the small cluster of low houses looked troublingly otherworldly, standing in the oddly geometric clearing, surrounded by ancient woods exhaling slow puffs of dense white smoke, dimly lit up by golden crimson rays from the west, silvery blue moony glow from the east, and ghastly green luminescence from the south. Not a single dark clouds was in sight, even though the forest couldn¡¯t possibly span far enough for the depressing cope that covered all of Erwyn not to be visible, at least in the distance. This whole place looked like a dwelling of mystical spirits, right out of the dream of a child. For an instant, Elric wondered if he had unknowingly set foot in the afterlife.


    Suddenly, the Elder¡¯s voice rose behind him.


    ¡°Oh! And, sonny, when you ask Martha for a bed, tell her to warm it for you. She looks a bit icy on the outside, but she¡¯s a real beast when she gets down to it! Experience¡¯s talking!¡±


    Dumbstruck, the newly appointed Solar Babysitter spun to face the old pervert, but the man had already disappeared inside his makeshift home, shutting the door ¨C dirt-solid curtain? ¨C behind him.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Finding Martha¡¯s house in the small hamlet proved to be ridiculously easy, even in the setting darkness, first thanks to the huge rocky night-light, and also because...


    How the hell did she managed to get this many weird shades of blue?!


    Pondering on the inconsequential issue, Elric walked up to the door, and knocked. Almost immediately, the wooden panel abruptly swung open, nearly breaking his hand off. In the entrance stood a blond woman in her late thirties, wearing nothing but a nightgown. She really looked cold, figuratively speaking, as the night was indeed warm. Elric hadn¡¯t gotten a good look earlier, when she unsuccessfully tried to recall her adoptive daughter, so her brusque appearance and cruel expression startled him, almost making him take a battle stance. Thankfully, despite his mind being half-filled with alien blueness, he remembered he was carrying Dorothy on time, and managed not to drop her, probably saving his own life in the process.


    Upon seeing the little sleeping girl in the tall man¡¯s arms, Martha¡¯s face first showed subtle surprise, before softening a bit. Well¡­ from Elric¡¯s standpoint, ¡°softening¡± perhaps was too strong a verb. To the knight, she suddenly looked less likely to slice him on the spot and more to maybe  ask questions before  ripping him to shreds with her bare nails and bathing inexpressively in his blood.


    ¡±She looks a bit icy¡± you said, senile old FART!? Under-FUCKIN¡¯-statement of the year! After an illusion mist, a rain of holly fire and an enchanted fence, are you trying to kill me with a heart attack?! I knew you looked suspicious! You damned psychopomp! And all those apples!? Where are you hiding your evil notebook? I won¡¯t tolerate this. I AM JUSTICE! ¡­Ah! Good thing I opted out of the corpse-carry.


    Mentally cursing the Shini-¡­ Elder, but still very much willing to keep his innards inside his body as long as possible, Elric immediately started to explain the situation, actually succeeding for once in getting strait to the point. After hearing him out, Martha let out an uncommitted:


    ¡°I see.¡±


    HAHAHA! ¡°I see¡±/¡°Icy¡±. Good one¡­ haha¡­ Please laugh Miss ¨C Mistress? ¨C Martha? I¡¯m scared here. Or better¡­ don¡¯t laugh. I have a feeling that would be the most terrifying thing I¡¯d ever see in my entire existence. I still want to enjoy dreams that aren¡¯t nightmares. Mercy, I have a child. Even if she¡¯s not mine. Oh. Right. She¡¯s yours. Haha. Sorry. Please don¡¯t kill me?


    Without showing any imminent will to savagely decapitating him ¨C nor any will not  to ¨C, Martha stepped aside, allowing Elric inside the house. Her face also relaxed another notch. Now, she would possibly use an actual weapon to gut him, sparing her powerless victim of the pain of being slowly minced by her sharpened claws.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After laying Dorothy in her room, the very obedient knight was shown his. As one could guess, Martha was a woman of few words. She briefly thanked him for bringing back her daughter ¨C he noted the choice of word ¨C and informed him breakfast would be at seven, before leaving him alone in what looked like a small closet with a sheeted mattress tossed in a corner. It was still quite decent, considering the overall size of the house, and also spotless. The Ice Queen probably scared away even dust. Without further ado, the exhausted Elric fell on the makeshift bed. Alone.


    Not that the Sage of the Wild was opposed to the idea of two single, consenting, adults engaging in casual sex ¨C not necessarily singles in fact, as long as everyone involved agreed to it ¨C especially in-game and with NPCs, nor had he any maidenly illusion about the interrelation between love and physical pleasure. He had at some point gone through a ¡°biology¡± phase, and was thus very well aware of the concepts of stimuli and physiological hormonal responses ¨C sad disillusioned generations, children of a science-oriented world.


    Truth be told, Martha was quite attractive for her age. Once gotten past the murderous aura, her heartless pale blue eyes seemed very appealing to Elric. Or he was just a masochist. He himself wasn¡¯t sure. However, by principle, he drew the upper line to women a decade older than him, limit that Martha exceeded by at least five years. Plus, he though, Dorothy waking up to the sound of her guardian having sex with a stranger wasn¡¯t the best  first step to mental rehabilitation.


    Especially if said stranger comes to her the following morning, telling her she would be ¡°spending some fun time with him starting today¡±. Speak about shooting yourself in the foot.


    Staring at the ceiling, he pondered for a while about how to deal with the traumatized little girl. He soon concluded he was too tired to think of a way to handle her, forgetting tiredness never had much of anything to do with him being unable to think strait. Anyway, he would do as he always did, and improvise as he went, hoping for the best while trying not to make everything explode.


    Haha¡­ I wonder what an exploding little girl looks like.


    On that note, he logged off.


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C <1>


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C <2>


    Logging back in, Elric opened his eyes, only to catch glimpse of blurry twin-tail-ness materializing in his field of vision, before a sudden blunt force stuck his unprotected stomach. Thank the Sun, he barely ate the previous day.


    Timing!


    A few seconds later, and he would have been able to evade the attack. A few seconds earlier, and he would have only felt some lingering pain upon waking up, because only his mindless avatar would have suffered the abuse. In Untold Tales, when a player was logged out, his virtual body strayed in the world, unconscious. That was one of the reasons why every user could only have one character, as to not overcrowd all the inns in the known world.


    Elric glared at the young evil creature sitting atop of him in triumph.


    Since when do medieval Oz rip-offs imitate anime caricatures of little sisters? Damn you, lonely friendless traumatized orphaned little girl!! That knee-blow would have killed a mage! Aren¡¯t you supposed to be depressed or something?


    ¡°HELLOOOO! Mister Not-Undead Knight Single Elric Walker!¡±


    Fuck you too, Dorothy. Drop the ¡°Single¡±!


    ¡°Hell-o-ooo! How are you? Fine? Me too. Now, get off me.¡±


    ¡°Tehee~¡±


    With an impish smirk, she ran out of the ¡°bedroom¡±.


    ¡°No, seriously, which part of her never smiles, again?¡± Elric muttered.


    He wasn¡¯t being completely honest with himself there. Elric did notice something was off with the girl, he just couldn¡¯t figure out why just now. Years of being a part-time antisocial selfish nerd, each time he found himself a new hobby, hadn¡¯t made him the best psycho-anthropologist of the world.


    Aaaah. I really do hate myself sometimes. It never last long though¡­ See I love myself again already. Rise and shine! The Killer Ice Queen made breakfast! Where¡¯s my memo about detoxification spells, again?


    Mumbling half of his thoughts out-loud, hopefully too low for anyone to understand his grumpy gibberish, he got up and out of his allocated closet, rubbing his eyes and holding his belly in pain.


    ¡°And that  is how you understand pain felt and damage dealt are two completely unrelated notions in a game world. Seriously, should I sleep in my armour from now on? Ah. Right. That would compress my ribcage and suffocate me. Rule five. Rule five.¡±


    Upon entering the living-dining-kitchen-room, Elric was greeted by the ¡°frightening¡± sight of Martha, wearing a pink apron ¨C with clothes under ¨C, happily smiling as she cooked. ¡°Happily¡±, from Elric¡¯s standpoint, probably translated into ¡°as if envisioning the next poor soul she would slowly dismember using the large wooden spoon she is currently holding¡±. The Solar Knight was slowly developing a rare case of girly-pink-o-phobia.


    ¡°Good morning, Sir Walker. Well slept?¡± She asked in a low ¡°threatening¡± voice.


    ¡°Oh¡­ Yes. Thank you.¡±


    Well, I logged out, so not really¡­ Do you always need to talk like you¡¯re about to emasculate me?


    ¡°And Good morning to you too, Miss Martha.¡±


    The woman nodded in acknowledgement.


    ¡°I asked Dorothy wake you up.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ She did.¡±


    Elric glanced at the little demon sitting at the table. Of course, being ¡°Dorothy from Kansas¡±, she was wearing a faded blue gingham frock of sorts, with white checks, as well as red leather shoes.


    Where¡¯s Toto? The dog. Not the ghoul¡­ I soul-melted that one. Shouldn¡¯t there be one somewhere? And ¡°ruby slippers¡±? Did the makers of the game prefer the 1939 movie to the book, or did they just opted out the colour silver because it didn¡¯t sit well with the neighbouring zombies? In the end, the movie creators only did this because of the Techn-¡­ Ah! Damn. Random thoughts and retro-trivia. Shut up, Brain! And you too, Pikny! AAAAAH!! KUGELSCHREIBER!! For My sake! Stop! Quiet! Ruhe! I¡¯m trying to wake up here. I barely slept in real life.


    While Elric fought his own psyche as usual, mentally spouting German words for no apparent reason, Dorothy was staring blankly at the wall, mechanically chewing on whatever was in her terracotta plate. Once she noticed the man¡¯s vaguely focused gaze, however, she suddenly smirked, discreetly waved, and started eating with a renewed enthusiasm.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Again¡­ There¡¯s this weird familiar feeling that bugs me¡­


    Frowning, the perplexed knight sat down opposite to the source of his puzzlement, and took a look at what she was gulping with such a fulfilled expression. It seemed to be mashed potatoes of sorts, accompanied with the unavoidable apples and unidentified black grains. Some kind of pepper probably. Martha soon served him the same thing, before sitting down herself. Hungry ¨C and his satiety bar seemingly attempting to reach a negative value ¨C, Elric readily took a large piece of the steamy pur¨¦e¡­ and froze, his spoon still in his mouth, whose lips were rapidly turning blue.


    *dry wheeze* ¡°Martha?¡±


    His voice sounded raspy.


    The supposed coldblooded assassin looked up.


    ¡°Do you mind if I *cough* if I handle the cooking from now on? *cough* I¡¯m staying here for free after *cough* after all. I *cough* would really like to *cough* *wheeze* *cough* to repay you in any way possible, *cough* and I¡¯m quite confident in my skills. *wheeze* *cough* Not to brag.¡±


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    He mentally dismissed the three windows informing him of different poisoned status, and anxiously tried to check the health indicator in the corner of his blurry vision. As expected, the bar was slowly, but steadily, decreasing.


    ¡°Please¡­¡±


    Martha simply nodded and the migraine-inflicted knight let out a mental sigh of relief. Dorothy had watched the exchange with questioning eyes, while rapidly finishing her food, completely unfazed.


    Hoy hoy¡­ What¡¯s her level of [Immunity]?


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After emptying his plate, as not to offend the merciless cook, and enduring the hazardous effects of the mysteriously lethal dish, since he didn¡¯t know how to counter them, a very pale, blue-lipped, watery-eyed Elric was trying hard to concentrate his thoughts on the patiently waiting, well-behaved, perfectly fine  little Dorothy.


    Damn¡­ Food poisoning is something a basic detox spell should be able to handle! Why the fuck didn¡¯t it work then?! Only complex poisons should require the knowledge of their ingredients to get cured. Did she do it on purpose? No¡­ She probably could kill me without second thoughts, but I don¡¯t think she would while I¡¯m favoured by her daughter¡­ Ah! Jealousy? No, doesn¡¯t hold up. Aaargh¡­ And she even promised to give me the god damned recipe! Should I add ¡°pepper¡± to my fast growing list of deadly threats? YEAH!? RIGHT! Letter P. Just before ¡°PINK¡± and ¡°PRIESTESS¡±!?! AH! That¡¯s so stupid. Was a side-effect of the musical bridge to get acute allergy to pepper?!  No, I¡¯m not even making sense anymore¡­ ¡°He who lives by chaos, dies without making sense.¡± Rule 374? AAAAAAAH! Focus! It¡¯ll get better with time¡­ probably.


    In front of him, a concerned-looking Dorothy tilted her head.


    ¡°Are you okay~, Mister Not-Undead Knight Single Elric Wlaker?¡±


    Again with the ¡°Single¡±¡­ I¡¯m obviously NOT ¡°okay~¡±, you invulnerable little devil!


    ¡°Yes. Perfectly fine. Don¡¯t worry.¡±


    All worry immediately left her face.


    Oh¡­ Happy to see you care sooo much about my wellbeing. Or are you just overly obedient? ¡­Mmmh. I got that weird ¡°feel¡± again. Did I? Not sure. Might be my stomach imploding. Or my lungs collapsing. Acute internal bleeding maybe?


    Elric was now attempting the first step in his plan for Dorothy¡¯s ¡°treatment¡±.


    The Elder was one to think ¡°Crazy people make the better psychiatrists¡±. Not denying his own unsoundness, Elric wholly acknowledge the old man¡¯s point of view, especially given the recurrent sense of familiarity he had felt when observing the apparently-not-so-traumatized child. A ¡°normal¡± approach on the problem was therefore not on the menu. Yet he couldn¡¯t cook any recovery ¡°dish¡± without knowing what illness he was supposed to cure. ¡°Phase One¡± of his plan thus focused on pinpointing the source of this ¡°familiarity¡± that bugged him, and involved¡­ talking.


    Well¡­ I can¡¯t be ALL original and new. Not sure what else I can do at this point, since I was denied resorting to magic.


    The Reckless Imbecile also had still no idea what ¡°Phase Two¡± would be. One couldn¡¯t even talk of a plan anymore at this point.


    It¡¯s the perfect way to start. I¡¯m onto something. I know it! ¡­which is also what I said before poking that sleeping giant cyclops¡¯ eye, a year ago¡­ B-But the situation is totally different! And I must at least get some results before Martha the Ripper comes back. Where did she go anyway? Dorothy said she was both the carpenter AND the lumberjack of the village. Can¡¯t say I¡¯m surprised her job involves playing with knives and swinging an axe¡­ but where are those trees she¡¯s supposed to cut down? I didn¡¯t see any in the clearing outside of the apple orchard, and the woods are covered by the [Misty Illusion Barrier]. Do they make them magically pop? [Accelerated Growth]? Or [Seed Strengthening]? Or is there actually a way to navigate the fog? Mmmmh¡­ I could ask Dorothy, but I feel reluctant for some rea- AAAAH! Dorothy! Shit. Focus, idiot! Now¡¯s not the time to analyse Kansan lumberjacking. Keep on track, Brain!


    Punching himself ¨C not the smartest thing to do when one¡¯s poisoned sick ¨C, Elric directed his wavering attention back to his ¡°patient¡±, who was observing him with a practiced look of puzzlement.


    ¡°Sooo¡­ *wheeze* Dorothy. Is there anything you want to talk about?¡±


    Bravo. Wunderbar! Way to go, you wannabe Freud¡­


    The girl was surprised by his sudden question, her face momentarily losing all expression.


    AH! Again¡­


    She quickly got a grip on herself, and frowned, seeming to seriously consider his half-assed question.


    ¡°Miste-¡±


    Elric quickly raised a finger to her lisps.


    ¡°Drop the Mister¡­ and the Not-Undead¡­ and the Knight, and the Wlaker, AND the Single¡­ Especially, the Single.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Elric. Just Elric.¡±


    ¡°Big Brother Elric?¡±


    Aaaaaaaaaw~ You¡¯re the antidote to that witch¡¯s cooking. But, if you had called me uncle, I would have punched you regardless.


    ¡°If you want. I¡¯d like that.¡±


    ¡°Then, Big Brother, can you tell me about the outside world?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Like almost every living being ¨C insistence on the living part, here ¨C in the Kingdom of Erwyn, Dorothy had never left her hometown, or at least, in her case, had no memory of it. Elric still was confused about how her parents ended up as undead bent¨­  while being citizens of the magically protected Kansas. The only logical possibility was for the attack to have happened somewhere outside of the [Misty Soul Barrier], which raised other questions about why they had left the safety of the village, and how the hell did Dorothy manage to survive after the accompanying adults had turned into gory bacon ¨C Without eggs nor toasts. How uncivilized! ¨C, when she herself had probably been barely more than a toddler at the time.


    And also the question as to why do zombies eat people when they¡¯re don¡¯t even need food in the first place¡­ Something to do with hating all living things and lacking weapons beside their teeth I guess, but I digress.


    Leaving those unanswered interrogations aside, the aspiring little sister was a real animated adventure-sponge, constantly asking more about this and that, craving for details, and expressively responding to Elric¡¯s lively story-telling. She made an exceedingly good audience. In any other circumstances, he would surely have enjoyed being acknowledge with such apparently innocent childish honesty. However, throughout the morning, the Sage of the Wild seriously observed the girl, analysing her behaviour, her reactions, her words, and, all the while, stayed on the lookout for his odd forebodings.


    Well, being on the verge of puking blood surely didn¡¯t contribute to his enjoyment either.


    It took five hours for Elric to figure out what was wrong with Dorothy, as well as the source of his hunchs. During those five hours, the Wandering Knight held forth on what he considered his paramount achievements. Among those were teaching an acrophobic harpy how to fly, defeating the [Squinting Earthworm of Doom ¡°Philibert¡±], exploring a monster infested mine under the commission of a dwarf painter, stealing nasal hairs from a sleeping dragon, climbing a glacier to listen to a singing flower, surviving being thrown into an active volcano by an angry fire priestess ¨C twice ¨C, crossing three countries to collect the randomly teleporting parts of a sentient but very maladroit golem-mage, finding the legendary Lost Library of Butv¡¯Erisit, as well as eating the Crown Jewels of the Queen of Landeng and narrowly escaping public hanging. One must know those presumed gems were in fact extremely rare ¨C and expired ¨C candies. Every single of these ¡°exploits¡± was highly memorable, but the one Elric remembered the most proudly was his encounter with an adventurer named Fatherless Bird.


    Fatherless Bird was an assassin ¨C obviously ¨C who had been commissioned by someone Elric had angered for some reason. He hadn¡¯t any memory of neither the backer, nor their motive, but the Wandering Knight remembered the medieval hitman for being the only one of his craft courageous or obstinate enough to actually dare go after him in the depth of the Wild.


    Bird had one problem though. He utterly sucked at his job. After his sixth miserably failed attempt, Elric had taken pity on the guy. He captured the hooded incompetent on his seventh try, and then spent a week thoroughly training him. Basic stealth, cloaking spells, fighting techniques, throwing weapons, poisons, patience, out-of-the-box thinking, illusionists¡¯ techniques and escape tricks, everything the inventive ¨C and clearly enjoying himself ¨C Solar Knight could come up with was mercilessly engraved  into the begging assassin¡¯s mind and body, until his sadistic instructor finally granted him his freedom. A month later, looking at the knife expertly embedded into his own throat, Elric had given Bird the thumbs-up as the man released his perfectly casted camouflaging spell, before accepting the friend request his killer had sent him, and eventually dying from the poisoned mortal wound.


    Despite her enthusiasm towards the other stories, Dorothy seemed to fail to understand this deep display of manly friendship, as well as the pride of seeing a disciple actually succeed, even at one¡¯s own expense, but Elric didn¡¯t hold it against the inexperienced little girl. More so since he finally understood her condition. It could be resumed in a simple sentence.


    SHE¡¯S A FREAKING PSYCHO!!


    .


    .


    .


    Well, not exactly. I¡¯m a tad overreacting. If she¡¯s a psychopath, I¡¯m a mentally unstable serial killer... Which I¡¯m not.


    It wasn¡¯t that Dorothy was completely insensitive or inhumane, however she had made a habit of showcasing what she thought to be the appropriated expression in every situation. It probably originated in the aftermath of her parents¡¯ death, and her memory loss. In such case, people were usually full of good intentions towards the unfortunate victims, but having grown-ups constantly worry over something that made her subconsciously sad, but was absent from her memories, must have felt unbearably uncomfortable to the newly orphaned young girl. Therefore, she decided to act cheerfully, in order to reassure the sympathetic adults, to release herself from the pressure exerted by their confusing kindness, while putting her own feelings aside. Over time, her repressed emotions started to fade, and more and more her fake accommodating expressions became who she thought she really was, fooling everybody, including herself, about her true state of mind. That was why her smiled seemed empty to the old life-experienced Elder.


    What Elric had noticed was a lag, a slip in her constant subconscious acting, a short time during which she wouldn¡¯t be sure what was ¡°best¡± for her to feel, and therefore showed a momentary blank face. Simple confusion could also have caused such a reaction, so he had tested the girl without her knowing. While telling his personal tales, he had laughed at events that should have been shocking or sad, acted sorrowful when he spoke of joyous balls and feasts, or scared when nothing warranted it. Not once had Dorothy failed to follow his lead, never showing any bewilderment towards his absurd behaviour, and only every now and then falling into her fleeting emotionless lapse. Elric was quite sure of his diagnosis, even if the supposed causes of her state were mostly conjectures on his part.


    The reason why Elric was able to spot this ¡°lapse¡±, also the reason behind the familiarity he felt, was his own real experience in self-mind-warping. Indeed, the one they called the Reckless Imbecile hadn¡¯t always been this irresponsible self-centred oddball. True, younger, he already was passionate, unfocused, and a bit weird, but not as irrational, and at times self-destructively single-minded, as he was now. However, at some point, he began persuading himself of the unimportance of anything that was unrelated to or distracted him from his current interest, suffocating his anguish and guilt under the metaphorical pillows of his self-satisfaction. Curious wasn¡¯t it, this power the brain had to overpower and rewrite one¡¯s heart if they really tried?


    Still, discussing his interests and debating over them was an essential constituent of the enjoyment they procured him, so he needed friends to talk to, and the easiest way he found to gain and keep people¡¯s attention, affection even, was to be unique and interesting. For him, it meant to become even more peculiar. While overacting his feelings, he carefully chose which one to show in order to keep his constructed character of wise buffoon intact. By acting this way until it became a reflex, he further altered his personality, and became this odd, playfully untactful and selfish guy who had his own weirdly original opinion on everything and always stayed optimistic, not caring about the sad stuff. This was also why he paradoxically enjoyed people¡¯s company while finding it tiresome and avoiding it, since it demanded him some efforts to maintain his happy fa?ade up all the time. Thankefully, he truly cherished his friends, and liked helping people in general, so he could avoid devolving completely into a self-absorbed jerk. All said and done, Elric himself was quite conscious of his own twisted mentality, and this recognition enabled him to understand Dorothy better than any of the villagers.


    Compared to Dorothy, the cause of his mild mental unsoundness might have been vastly different, but the symptoms were essentially the same: an overly enthusiastic persona coupled with rationally acted out feelings.


    Elric had never once thought about reforming himself, because he had deliberately fallen into his unhealthy pattern, was fully conscious of its abnormal nature, perfectly happy with it, and because this state of mind had long since reached a form of stability and became his real and true core. The traumatized girl, however, started it as a defence mechanism against the oppressiveness of the surrounding people, as well as to avoid questioning the feelings caused by her repressed memories. Therefore, unlike Elric, the foundations of her mind were everything BUT stable. Worse even, the child wasn¡¯t even aware of what she was doing. A single push in the wrong direction, and she would collapse, devolving into a hollow shell devoid of personal will, existing only through the emotions others poured into her.


    The Insane Wannabe Psychatrist wasn¡¯t about to let it come to this however. Never wanting to get ¡°better¡± didn¡¯t mean he wasn¡¯t aware of a potential ¡°cure¡±. It was pretty simple actually, and generally opposed to anything a graduate therapist would suggest. The shock therapy. The only sure-fire way to force back into reality someone who deliberately cut himself from it, was to confront them with something so huge, marking, and profoundly real that they wouldn¡¯t be able to ignore reality ever again. And, be it fortunately or not, Dorothy was carrying, inside her own mind, a shock therapy waiting to happen.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The sun was high, it was the beginning of the afternoon, and the villagers of Kansas merrily attended to their daily occupations. Near the central square, in a blue-tiled wooden house were a man and a girl. While the girl took a nap, the man stood by a window, holding an apple and looking up at the cloudless sky. Taking a bite off the fruit, Elric smiled.


    He had his ¡°Phase Two¡±.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> ¡ø¡ø¡ø will be used to mark a transition between the game and the real world


    <2> ¨‹¨‹¨‹ same, but from the real world to the game


    <hr />


    Voil¨¤. Another chapter that ends. Another chapter to come.


    I¡¯m not sure how the ¡°psychological¡± stuff came out. I found out describing something fundamentally abstract to be annoyingly difficult. I just hope it wasn¡¯t plain boring and that I didn¡¯t make Elric look like a melodramatic sociopath. Well¡­ now that I look back, it doesn¡¯t seem that long of a passage, it just took long to write, comparatively.


    Not much to say, except thank you for reading, and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.SS – NO: Back from the Dead

    Nutrek¡¯s Odyssey:


    Back from the Dead


    ¡°I am Evil! Stop laughing!¡±


    ¨C Veigar, LoL


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    While a peaceful afternoon began in the hidden village of Kansas¡­


    Elsewhere, unbeknownst to the blissfully ignorant citizens of the world, Fate was calling back Its most faithful apostle. Over the wrecked soils of a cursed and devastated sacred ground, gathered ominous black thunderclouds, darker than even the soul of the cruellest murderer. Torrential acidic rainfall flooded the surrounding ancient woods infested with roaming fester corpses, rapidly turning the area into a putrid marsh. Berserker whirlwind tormented trice-centenarian trees, and blinding lightning erupted in the sky like the drums proclaiming the End of Time.


    The destructive unbound elements saluted the return of one of the Lords of Darkness, the immortal warlock that trough death had achieved eternity, the demented necromancer that had strayed the land for centuries, leading his hordes of merciless reanimated decaying minions, the evil psychopath even his late forbidden arts master had attempted to put to definitive rest, but also one that, by the sword of a champion of Light, had ultimately met his doom¡­ but only for a time.


    Clusters of unholy magic sinisterly crackled in the congested, overcharged atmosphere, inflating until they bursted into an unique humongous bolt of ghastly purple fire that tore through the air, coiling disorderly like a mad snake, distorting the very boundary leading to the afterlife, resounding with the agonising shrieks of a thousand damned souls, and blazingly struck the centre of a muddy jagged clearing, leaving behind a fuming crater swarming with sparks of corrupted mana.


    Suddenly, the earth in the gloomy pit bulked, and four skeletal claws emerged from the smelly muck. The twitching appendix soon were followed by a fleshless paw, then by an arm, then a shoulder blade, and eventually a sniggering skull whose eyes shone with ghastly greenish foxfire, and whose lipless mouth was filled with sharp pointy short fangs, clattering deliberately in a vicious threatening manner. Using its free limb, the creature savagely dug out the rest of its body, and slowly, laboriously, the lich extirpated itself from its detested imposed grave.


    The revived necrotic sorcerer twisted the darkness into a cloak of pure abyss, covering its naked yellowish bones, then looked convulsively at its ruined surroundings, and recognised the grotesque theatre of its humiliating, if short-lived, demise. A heinous wheeze filtered through its teeth and the flames in his empty sockets twitched in hatred. It started raising a talon curled up towards the stormy clouds, as if to utter some esoteric curse, when it suddenly froze, struck by a perverse foreboding. Anxiously searching for something, it felt its whole undead body, reaching even into its own ribcage and braincase, but to no avail. Its most prized possession, its misfortune-bringing artefact, the cursed source of its boundless dark magic, was nowhere to be found. Falling on its kneecaps, it threw its fists at the sombre sky, and let out a loud screech of raging despair:


    ¡°SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-


    ¨C PAUSE ¨C


    *Larsen*


    ¡­ one ¡­ two? ... one two ¡­ test test ¡­ Does this thing work? ... Yes? What? ¡­ It¡¯s already on?! Oh. Sorry.


    *cough* Hi everyone¡­. author here¡­ really hate to do that, breaking the fourth wall etc¡­ But it came to me perhaps some of you don¡¯t fluently speak Squirrel. Don¡¯t be ashamed, it¡¯s more frequent that you might think. I¡¯m sure you¡¯re not alone. And therefore, and I apologize in advance to the die-hard fans of original versions, I reluctantly decided Nutrek¡¯s lines would be dubbed in English. Only his though. Don¡¯t try to make me believe you don¡¯t understand Horse. I¡¯m not stupid.


    Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    Well¡­ that¡¯s all. Sorry again. Now back to the story.


    ¨C PLAY ¨C


    -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Where?! How?!! WHO?!? Who dared dispossess the great, the mighty, the fantastic, the MAGNIFICENT NUTREK ACORNAZIETH?!? Who?! Who! Who who whowhowhowhowhowhoWHOOO!! ¡­AH!¡±


    As if struck by lightning ¨C again ¨C Nutrek the Hyperactive Magnificent froze ¨C again ¨C, then jumped off the ground and on his metatarsi, and exaggeratingly slammed his bony fist into his bony palm with a bony ¡°tac¡±.


    ¡°HIM! Of course! None content to trash my paradisiac dwelling, thou miserable fiend, thou nithing, thou VILAIN dareth flee mine domain with what to this one belongs?! Kikikikiki! Very well. I deem thee my nemesis! Thou shall soon halch the whole extent of my wrath. Just wait, miserable fool.¡±


    Relapsing into his never-cured habit to speak silly when emotionally strained, and his overly dramatic tendencies ¨C reasons why his creator/master wanted to dispose of him in the first place ¨C the miniature necromancer struck a tentatively lordly pose, and called out in a hysterical high-pitched voice:


    ¡°COME FORTH! ANSWER MY CALL! COME TO ME! MY UNDYING MINIONS!!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­my minions?¡±


    *inexistent cricket*


    *cough* ¡°He can¡¯t have killed them all, can he?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Three hours later, Nutrek Acornazieth was running on all four through the [Lost Woods], his cape flapping in the moderate wind, swearing in every way he knew, and inoffensively cursing the sunlight-clad swordsman that had taken his precious away from him.


    ¡°Squeeergh¡­. Why! Whywhywhywhywhy doesn¡¯t the location spell works. IIIIIIIIIIIH! It¡¯s like something is interfering with my extraordinary power! Is it him? That flaffery filthy firefly thief! It has to be him! He must have realised, yes yes he, that felon, he must have, how much power mine artefact holds! YES! Tsk. I can¡¯t let him keep it!  Nonononono... It is mine. MINE!!!¡±


    Incapable to feel the presence of his stolen power source, all the way behind the [Misty Soul Barrier], the critter overlord with performance issues was reduced to guess the probable direction his declared arch-enemy had left, two days ago.


    Utterly devoid of any non-magical tracking skills, Nutrek somehow ended up dashing with all his strength in the completely opposite direction.


    This marked the beginning of the little lich¡¯s travels, an epic journey that would bring him to places he never even nightmared  of, a fated tale that might derail destinies, doom nations, start wars, destroy civilisations, and forever change the face of Pandore, and the world¡­


    ¡­or not.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    And¡­ It¡¯s short. I know. But it¡¯s only a side story. I personally don¡¯t like stories that stray away from the MCs for too long. And the true chapter 9 is mostly written already anyway. I thought it was the right time to bring back little Nutrek.


    What do you think? Do you want more Nutrek? Do you not? Do I piss you off for posting a side story when I can¡¯t even get out of my own prologue? Which companions should the grandiose squirrel lich make on the way? What would you like to see happen to him? Please comment and tell me?


    As always, squeeek squek kiiii squeeeeeeking, and squeeek kikisqueek squek squeekikipter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.09 – …and Courage

    Chapter 9 ¨C ¡­and Courage


    ¡°You have plenty of courage, I am sure," answered Oz. "All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty.¡±


    ¨C L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Thirteen days before breakdown, afternoon (IGT)


    ¡°Big Brother Elric, are you sure it won¡¯t hurt?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry Dorothy. Big Brother has plenty of experience.¡±


    ¡°But I¡¯m a little scared¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s normal to be scared. I had my first time too. Relax. Just entrust your body to me and let me guide you, okay?¡±


    ¡°Okay~¡±


    ¡°Good Girl. Now spread your legs so that I can put this in there.¡±


    ¡°AH!¡±


    ¡°Sorry. It¡¯s too large. I had to force a bit.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s alright, Big Brother. I was just surprised.¡±


    ¡°Alright. You really are a good girl.¡±


    ¡°Hehe~¡±


    *mental sigh*


    Seriously¡­ Adapting this adult-sized harness to an eight-years-old is absurdly complicated. Where is that strap supposed to¡­ Ah!


    ¡°Dorothy, please lift your right arm now.¡±


    ¡°Hihihi¡­ It tickles~¡±


    ¡°Yeah yeah¡­¡± Elric sounded tired.


    *sigh*


    Maybe hang-gliding is a tad pushing it? Yeah. Proably¡­ But I¡¯m getting out of ideas here¡­


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Since he identified Dorothy¡¯s problem, Elric was determined to force her memories back, one way or another. Hopefully, the shock would awake her dormant emotions, and heal her¡­ and not turn her into a disabled drooling irreparable nervous wreck. The Knowledgeable had estimated the probabilities were around 70-30 percent in favour of a happy resolution¡­ On what basis did he calculate those? Only he knew. Nevertheless, that still was surprisingly prudent, coming from someone who would risk his own life on a vague hunch from a new acquaintance¡¯s senile grandfather¡¯s cousin-in-law with Down¡¯s syndrome¡­ and in a coma.


    First, the improvising unlicensed psychotherapist ¨C who, for the occasion, had taken out the lab coat he once upon a time tailored himself ¨C had decided to put the traumatized orphan into a situation that could perhaps trigger a recollection of her birth-parents. An apparently simple task that had turned out to be unexpectedly arduous. After consulting the Elder, Elric had learnt the mostly decimated family wasn¡¯t in fact native from Kansas ¨C TELL ME THOSE THINGS EARLIER!! You brainless dishevelled scarecrow!


    After the incomplete slaughter, perpetrated by a definitely inept bunch of undead, the old skinny chief had brought back the only survivor, in the person of an unconscious Dorothy. The girl had then been adopted by Martha the lumberjack, who was living alone in a ¨C relatively ¨C large house.


    Well, that had answered why the late couple was outside of the [Misty Soul Barrier] in the first place, but still not why would anyone make a family trip through Zombieland with an underage kid. Nor how had a ¡°powerless¡± elderly managed to save said underage kid from the killer corpses, and without as much as a scratch. Not that Elric hadn¡¯t his own little idea on that last question¡­


    Bad parenting and undercover archmagi aside, them not being Kansan had meant nobody in the village actually knew anything helpful about the child¡¯s reckless, or mentally impaired, late progenitors.


    Refusing to forsake his ¡°sure-fire¡± plan, the obstinate knight had thus resorted to trying out a bunch of random activities with the girl. Thankfully, random was what the Reckless Imbecile was best at.


    For once considering ¡°reality¡± and ¡°logic¡± ¨C two abstract notions he was quite unfamiliar with ¨C, Elric had tried to keep it soft at first, attempting everything that struck him as ¡°normal¡± for a medieval family to do. Among these were: playing catch, marbles, hide-and-seek, and lots of make believe ¨C He was quite convincing in the role of Philibert, the giant squinting earthworm ¨C , telling bedtime stories, lulling Dorothy to sleep, dancing with her on his toes, singing Christmas carols ¨C with neither winter nor Christ, but it was worth a try ¨C, bed-sharing, piggyback riding, finger painting, clay sculpting, scarf knitting, hair combing, messy gardening, bugs collecting, laundry doing, dish washing, mattress jumping, downhill rolling, merciless tickling, hut building, cooking, picnicking and stargazing. This last combo had held out some hope, but all he had gotten were compliments on his chef skills.


    After the cookout fiasco, Elric had started to improvise more wildly, throwing this stupid concept of logical realism through the metaphorical window. Playing baseball with a goblin femur, juggling [Fireball], jumping on trampoline made of entangled [Binding Vines], skate-boarding in a half-pipe of bended [Earth Wall], digging out and filling a swimming pool, hot springs, launching fireworks, teaching her sword-fighting, martial-arts, surfing on a [Water Shield], sand-castle making, <del>having se</del>¡­ dressing-up like royalty, playing bowling, tennis, badminton, ping pong, football, volley, beach-volley, snow-volley, boules, skiing, ice-skating, hockey, funambulism¡­ The Wandering Knight had tried all that his knowledge and extensive magical abilities enabled him to attempt, although without ever casting any spell directly on Dorothy. Unfortunately, nothing had seemed to bring forth the awaited results.


    His latest tentative at pseudo-therapeutism involved strapping the puzzled girl to a pliable glider he had originally made for himself to jump off cliffs, and fastening a long rope to the thing in order to lift the child in the air kite-style <1>. For several minutes now, he had been fighting with an oversized harness and its multiple incoherent strappings.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    An hour and a half later, having brilliantly succeeded in his makeshift kiting experiment, the Sage of the Wild was back in the blue-roofed house, sitting at the table, conscientiously applying an healing spell to his newly gained panda-eye, and pondering over the best way to fix back the five uprooted teeth he held in his hand. Like all his previous undertakings, Elric hadn¡¯t gotten any particular reaction on Dorothy¡¯s part this time either. What he did manage to achieve with this umpteenth unsafe attempt though, was angering The Martha, an event any amount of abuses by a certain not-to-be-named fire priestess couldn¡¯t even begin to prepare him for. He solemnly vowed never to do anything that could bring the wrath of the Ice Goddess down upon him ever again. He also needed a new glider, his former one having broken after mysteriously colliding with his head numerous times, for reasons he already hadn¡¯t been in a state to understand anymore back then.


    Sitting opposite him, Dorothy looked at the heavily bruised, smashed, and tattered knight with upturned concerned eyes.


    Stop that. You¡¯re probably not even really worried about me¡­ *sigh* I¡¯m out of ideas. Weird¡­ Never happened before. Feels uncomfortable. It hurts. Ah. No. That¡¯s coming from my broken ribs. Aaaah¡­


    *YAAAWN* Aaaaouch¡­ No yawning.


    He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. During the past seven in-game days, he had barely logged out for more than two real hours, and without sleeping at all, neither in the virtual world, nor elsewhere. His whole time had been spent on preparing activities for the girl, or carrying them out. Typical Elric. He once again got sucked into his own pace, and was now suffering the inevitable aftereffects.


    Aaaargh¡­ Never agai- Tsh. Like I¡¯d ever follow through with that kind of resolution. F¡¯cking genius.


    While testing the solidity of his reattached teeth, the for-once-at-the-end-of-his-wits knight wondered what to do next, since everything he could think of had failed.


    Dorothy¡¯s high-pitched suddenly rose in the silent room.


    ¡°Big Brother Elric?¡±


    ¡°What is it, sss*pop*hrweet¡¯art?¡±


    Shit.


    ¡°When you make things appear or your clothes change, it¡¯s not magic, right?¡±


    ¡°Ah, disshr¡­ damn¡­ Wait two sheconds. I call forsh je power off najture, reat¡¯assh disshr limb that wash from me shever¡¯t. [Organic Glue]!¡±


    Despite his approximately delivered incantation, the spell somehow took effect, finally properly fixing the last tooth that female anachronistic kick-boxer had violently fisted out of its supposed compartment. Elric quickly rolled his tongue inside his mouth, checking the outcome, before repeating his previously spluttered answer.


    ¡°This?¡± He made a health potion pop into existence, and drank it, faintly regaining a somewhat human-coloured face. ¡°No it¡¯s not. It¡¯s a skill only adventurers, like me, possess.¡±


    The novelty of the trick had long since faded, so he saw no harm in explaining the truth to her ¨C slightly psychotic children do not believe in Santa, sad, but true. However, while elaborating on players, NPCs, and skills in a way a local would understand, Elric suddenly remembered something.


    ¡°Right! Little Sis. There¡¯ a gift I¡¯ve been meaning to give you, but¡­ stuff happened, and I kinda forgot.¡±


    ¡°A gift, Big Brother?¡± She looked at him with eyes full of expectation, just the right amount of it in fact.


    ¡°Yes. Here.¡±


    With a wave of his hand, the adventurer ¡°materialized¡± the last toy he had kept in his inventory, the one he considered his personal masterpiece: a precisely detailed, almost lifelike, little puppy that he had modelled on an adult [Border Collie Hellhound].


    The outside of the fluffy, black and white, stuffed animal was made out of the fur of the actual beast, which the Wandering Knight encountered and defeated during his short incursion in the Infernal Realm, right after the opening of the first portal ¨C He hadn¡¯t stayed long though, finding the place rather boring. The demoniac canine looked exactly like its pet homonym, except for its three-metre height, entirely blood-red eyes, poisoned oversized fangs, and petrifying fire breath. For the eyes of the toy, Elric had used beautiful ruby-pearls he got from a pair of [Cannibal Oyster of Hades]<2>, fished during a swim in an underground lake of sulphur. Finally, the stuffing was the wool of a [Black Demon Sheep] he had befriended by offering it the bloody cadaver of a moronic PKer.


    At that time, if the wannabe murderer had stopped for one second to think about it, he might have wondered about the actual strength of a naked man ¨C That place was hot. ¨C who could leisurely sew in the depth of Pandemonium. Since he hadn¡¯t, Elric had enjoyed a nice meal with his newfound carnivorous ungulate companion. All said and done, not counting the gifted stuffing, the Reckless Imbecile had died seven times to realize the plushy evil pup. The result, made out of high-level hellish materials, was mind-meltingly cute, and above all absurdly durable, especially against fire.


    As he handed the downsized hellhound to Dorothy, who religiously received it, Elric suddenly smirked as if a particularly funny thought had crossed his mind. He then furrowed his brows, and said in a serious voice:


    ¡°He¡¯s all yours, Little Sis. His name¡¯s Toto the Second. Take good care of him.¡±


    The young girl twitched at the name.


    Too exhausted to pay attention, the black-homourous knight missed the rapid spasm, and went back to his explanations. Although, in his defence, a still swollen black eye and an exhaustively trashed body didn¡¯t do any good to his observation skills either.


    ¡°¡­ and that¡¯s why adventurers don¡¯t nee-¡±


    ¡°Why ¡®the Second¡¯?¡± interrupted Dorothy.


    Since she had noticed Elric quite liked to hear himself talk about¡­ basically anything, she never hesitated to ask seemingly unrelated questions in the middle of his lectures. Being emotionally impaired didn¡¯t mean her brain wasn¡¯t fully functional, just a bit crooked, and she was extremely curious over a large variety of topics. Her brusque intervention therefore wasn¡¯t much out of the ordinary and didn¡¯t alarm the know-it-all-ish knight.


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­¡± He wasn¡¯t sure what to say. ¡°Why?¡¯ you ask¡­¡±


    Because I melted ¡°the First¡± in a river of tormented souls? And I smiled and acted silly while I watched it scream in agony? Haha¡­ I can¡¯t say that, can I?


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Because the first one was an obscure cross-reference joke that didn¡¯t live long?¡±


    Aaaah¡­ Not much better, is it?


    ¡°So he died?¡± She looked faintly troubled for some reason.


    ¡°Ah¡­ Yes. An unfortunate incident.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± She lifted up the red-eyed toy before hers, and gave it a wavering smile. ¡°H-Hello Toto the Second. Happy to meet you. I¡¯m Dorothy.¡±


    Then she hugged the plush and buried her face into its fluffy back.


    Struggling against his fatigue-clouded brain, Elric stared puzzled at the curious display. Unfortunately, before he could properly align two thoughts, the door swung open, revealing the axe-carrying silhouette of Martha ¨C a sight to behold, right out of a low-budget slasher film, minus the blood. Outside, the sun had already set. The terrifying female hollywoodian clich¨¦ merely nodded in greetings, totally unapologetic for her earlier impressive, and painful, demonstration of martial arts, before entering her room, where her conscripted magic-maid had prepared her a warm bath as instructed.


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    *sigh*


    Elric the Magical Maid stood up and unsteadily walked towards Dorothy¡¯s bedchamber.


    ¡°Let¡¯s get you to sleep, Little Sis. What will it be tonight? A lullaby or a story?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Dorothy?¡±


    Stopping in his tracks, he half turned back to address the irresponsive child a questioning glance. The girl still maintained her previous position, unmoving, face in fur.


    ¡°Dorothy!¡±


    She started, and looked around in confusion. His earlier question obviously hadn¡¯t reached her. Tilting her head like a perplexed kitten, she showed him her usual practised interrogating expression. Seeing this, Elric frowned, more and more intrigued by her unprecedented behaviour. After a short while, since she didn¡¯t seem about to say anything, he sighed, and repeated himself:


    ¡°Do you prefer a lullaby, or a bedtime story?¡±


    He decided to try pressing her one last time.


    ¡°Or is there something else you¡¯d want to talk about?¡±


    ¡°No, Big Brother Elric. A story would be perfect.¡±


    She had completely slipped back into her accommodating persona, and the weary Big Brother could only sigh once more at his own disappointed hopes.


    ¡°Story it is then.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The spider had a black body, and little red dots were scattered all over it. Swinging with surprising grace in-between two joists, under the blue-tiled roof, the nail-sized predator spun its web, deadly trap for its next unfortunate meal, unfazed and unconcerned by all the world-shaking events it had no power over. The Wandering Knight had always been fascinated by the quantity of seemingly insignificant details this game contained. The sheer amount of processing power needed for all those inconsequential ¡°background¡± RP elements was simply unfathomable. It made one wonder about the complexity of the AI managing this world, and about what drove the incredible ¨C probably insane ¨C genius behind it to build such a thing.


    Distractingly following the movements of the inoffensive arthropod, Elric was pondering on how this meticulousness was mirrored by the mind-bogglingly complex personalities of the NPCs. Not that he was disturbed by their apparent humanity. He didn¡¯t give that much attention to people unrelated to him in the first place, so he had always treated the locals the same way. What he was doing with Dorothy, however, trying to understand a mind other than his own, actually producing effort to focus on someone else, what they felt, how they thought, was a first for him. The whole process incidentally had unexpected consequences on his psyche, as he couldn¡¯t get rid of the anxiety caused by her odd behaviour of the evening.


    During his earlier story, instead of her customary over-expressiveness, she had only showed faint unconvincing reactions, constantly relapsing into a deep state of emotional void. He was worried sick. His usually scattered reflections were all concentrating on the girl, all swirling around her, all tainted with apprehension, dipped in concern, distress, unease¡­


    Any form of change was welcomed, of course, but he couldn¡¯t ascertain if she was evolving in the right direction, and his stomach convulsed in fear, acid bile going back up is throat, at the mere thought of her losing herself for good. He was flabbergasted by the depth of the attachment he had developed for the computer-generated human-shaped little being.


    Is it how parents feel about their own children? It sucks. I hate being this upset about something I have such a limited control over.


    In the nightly silence, a tormented Elric laid unmoving, eyes wide open, postponing again and again the moment he would log out, repeatedly asking himself if he should, or shouldn¡¯t, check on the child one more time before leaving his virtual body.


    There¡¯s no need for it. Martha¡¯s here, and she¡¯s more vigilant than a mother wolf with her new-born pup. Whatever I say about her being a coldblooded killer, I can¡¯t deny she¡¯s a loving mother, even if she¡¯s not that good as a mother in general, and¡­ AAAAAAAH! ¡­mother, mother, mother! Mothers everywhere! And me too!? Since when did I become such a mother hen?! That¡¯s it! Blast! I¡¯ll just take a fast peek, confirm the cute pest is sound asleep, and then take my well-deserved break! I¡¯m no good like this anyway. It¡¯s like I watching the world through an opaque filter. Or being drunk. I hate being drunk.


    As he quickly got up, afraid that his capricious mind might change his again, the motherly knight suddenly heard a muffled voice coming from the adjoining room.


    ¡°¡­ Dorothy never talks when she¡¯s alone.¡±


    Alarmed, he didn¡¯t even notice he had spoken out loud.


    Before he could think about what he was doing, Elric already stood in the frame of the opened door to his recently adopted little sister¡¯s bedroom.<3>


    Desperately clinging onto her newly gifted cuddly toy, the little child cried quietly, her face overran with tears, only sometimes uttering wailed unarticulated gibberish. Hearing footsteps, she turned around, and stared at the shocked knight, before letting out a quivering murmur.


    ¡°Big Borther¡­ Toto¡­ Mom¡­ Dad¡­ All¡­ Th-hurg¡­huuuuu...¡±


    She couldn¡¯t say anymore, as another wave of sobbing overcame her.


    Without a word, the young man walked up to the bed, sat down next to the blubbering little girl, and reassuringly held her in his arms, resting her head upon his shoulder. Taking a calm inspiration, he began to whisperingly sing a lullaby he remembered from a movie he saw long ago:


    ¡° ? Sleep, soundly safe by my heart.


    You no longer have to face the evil in the dark.


    Just rest your mind, and leave your pain behind. ?


    Remember softly, of a time when the world was so bright. ?


    ? You''ve fought so bravely, my dear,


    And so you can rest, for now there''s nothing left to fear. ?


    Fighting onward, ? you dreamed unreachable things,


    But now your dreams carry you ? to a place where these things come true.


    I''ll hold your hand while you sleep,


    So don''t be afraid, ? I won''t let shadows touch your dreams.


    Maybe in time, ? we''ll leave this all behind.


    We''ll look up skyward, and the stars, they will shine in your eyes. ? ¡±


    He continued to hum the theme of the song softly, until Dorothy started to doze off. Then he lowered her down on the bed, and tucked the girl in the warm sheets, wiping her wet cheeks and rearranging her messy hairs, while adding the last verse for himself.


    ¡° ? Promise, you''ll wake up in time. ?


    When you awaken ? I will be there by your side¡­ ?


    Brother is here, he might make lots of mistakes,


    But for you he promises he won¡¯t, he¡¯ll protect you, whatever it takes. ¡± <4>


    Looking up from the little sleeper, whose breathing finally got more regular, Elric noticed Martha standing at the entrance of the room, carrying an oil lamp, silently watching. On her face, he noticed a single tear streaming down, on which reflected the flickering flame. Meeting his gaze, the outwardly cold woman slowly closed her eyes, raised her free right hand to her heart, and gave the knight a slight prolonged bow. Then, she voicelessly left, closing the door behind her.


    After her departure, he laid down next to the little girl, holding her hand, and rapidly fell asleep, exhaustion claiming him.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The sun was already high in the sky when he finally woke up. He still felt groggy from the accumulated mental fatigue, but it was bearable, at least for a couple or so hours. Opening his heavy lids, he came face to face with an awaken Dorothy. Beams of daylight filtered through the closed shutters, stippling her messed-up pretty face. Without getting up, he gently patted her head, and asked in a low voice:


    ¡°Better, Baby Sis?¡±


    She faintly nodded in response.


    ¡°Want me to fetch you something to eat?¡±


    Another nod.


    ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll go then.¡±


    Elric raised from the mattress, took a step towards the door, and stopped when he felt the hem of his shirt being lightly grabbed. He turned back to the quiet girl, who was kneeling on the bed, and clenching his cloth with her extended hand, while squeezing her plush hellhound puppy Toto in her other arm. He gave her a quick hug, then held her by the shoulders, looking deep into her reddened eyes.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to worry, sweetheart. I¡¯ll be right back.¡±


    ¡°¡­That¡¯s what he said, dad¡­¡± she murmured.


    ¡°¡­¡± The tall knight took the child¡¯s small fingers in-between his large palms. ¡°We¡¯re inside the village, behind an enchanted fence, plus a magical barrier, and I¡¯m just going to the kitchen. There¡¯s nothing to fear out there.¡±


    Not counting the Ice Goddess and Evil Pepper.


    ¡°Okay?¡±


    Third nod.


    Big Brother Elric let go of little Dorothy¡¯s hand, and went into the dining room. Martha was there, wearing her flashy pink apron, and preparing a plate of [Death Pur¨¦e] ¨C tentative name ¨C, which the girl still seemed immune to, so he guessed that was as good as anything. Exchanging a couple words with the mortally unskilled cook, he learnt the Elder had visited while he slept, and asked the knight to go see him whenever he found the time. Elric let out a drowsy acknowledgment of the message, then went back to the girl¡¯s room.


    After conscientiously watching her eat, and lulling her to dreamland, he left his chosen sister under the care of her actual guardian, mumbled something about being out for a few hours, promising to be back soon, then walked up to his closet, entered the tight chamber, collapsed on the mattress, and logged off to finally catch up to his most needed sleep.


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    <1> Please don¡¯t try human-kite at home. Or at least write a testament beforehand. And don¡¯t forget to mention I had nothing to do with your sudden suicidal behaviour.


    <2> I would like to underline the subtle difference that exists between ¡°cannibalism¡± and ¡°anthropophagy¡±, and then ask you to try and apply it to oysters. Disturbing, isn¡¯t it?


    <3> Background music: Kishi Ou no Hokori</a> (Fate Stay Night).


    <4> I¡¯ll admit, this isn¡¯t mine. I altered a few words, but everything else is Lizz</a>¡¯s original version of the Ventus¡¯ Theme</a> (Kingdom Hearts). It just fitted.


    <hr />


    Okay, it¡¯s shorter than chapter eight by at least a thousand words, but 5kw was a bit exceptional. Knowing that chapter one was 2kw and that the first of Nutrek¡¯s Odyssey was 1kw, I usually target something like 3-4kw. (Btw, ¡°kw¡± stands for ¡°kiloword¡±. I¡¯m not exactly aware of the power-length ratio, so you won¡¯t see me measure my work in watts any time soon.)


    And, I know I probably already said it a few times already, but we¡¯re finally reaching the end of the Oz¡­ eeeeh¡­ yeah¡­ at this point, I could say ¡°Oz Arc¡±¡­ Well, next chapter shall be the conclusion, then a little something special, then on ze road again. Very short road, and a castle in the middle of Nowhere!


    Funny thing¡­ I just learned Nowhere</a> is in fact really in Kansas¡­ near Baldwin City. Although, according to Wikipedia, there¡¯s also a Nowhere in Oklahoma, and in Norfolk (England).


    Hurray! I can now proudly say this story is getting nowhere!  --¡®


    Anyway¡­


    As usual, thank you for reading, and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.10 – Please do not read the small print

    Chapter 10 ¨C Please do not read the small print


    ¡°IT¡¯S A TRAP!!¡±


    ¨C Admiral Ackbar,


    Star Wars


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C


    Eleven days before breakdown, morning (IGT)


    Logging back in, Elric immediately rushed out of his bedcloset, anxious about Dorothy¡¯s condition. Terminal sleep deprivation notwithstanding, he felt guilty about leaving his Little Sis¡¯ side, merely half a day after her breakdown. Worry furrowing his brows, he stepped into the dinning kitchen¡­


    ¡­and froze. Swiftly pinching his nose as the smell of blood and burnt flesh assaulted his nostrils, he stared in disbelieve at the nightmarish scene before him in. Red spatters covered the overturned table, in whose wood was still embedded a huge grisly butcher knife slowly dripping thick crimson fluid. Small gory handprints were scattered all over the room. Bags of sugar, flour, salt, and rice laid on the ground, ripped open, and their content spread amongst the broken plates, spilled cups, broken eggs, thrown around cookware, and torn feathers. Footmarks belonging to a certain little girl could be spotted here and there, mixed with those of a creature that clearly couldn¡¯t be called human. Flickering flames still blazed in some places, especially around where the wood stove used to stand, now replaced by a smashed cluster of wrapped cast iron. In this scene of disaster, a dirtied and dishevelled Martha was kneeling on the messy floor next to a bent frying pan, crying uncontrollably, firmly holding onto a tiny, scorched, lifeless body.


    Feeling tears swell in his eyes too, the flabbergast knight could only hiccough some confused words.


    ¡°Mart- Ho- How? What? Why¡­ How did this happen?¡±


    The woman, obviously too shocked to answer, simply continued to wordlessly let her eyes switch back and forth between the little corpse she was holding, and the only other being standing in the room, without acknowledging in any way the sudden irruption of a yet noticeable two-metres-high, golden-haired man. Still full of incomprehension, Elric slowly turned his glare towards the obvious culprit of this massacre, looked straight into her eyes, and talked in a dangerously calm and low voice:


    ¡°Dorothy¡­¡± He marked a short pause. ¡°May I¡­ ask¡­ what you were trying to do? That involved sugar, salt, flour, rice, and eggs, a beheaded chicken, which I assume wasn¡¯t when you started, and such a massive amount of onions? And¡­ *inhale* By the gods! Tell me how you managed to turn the kitchen into a trashed murder scene, and, above all, make the freakin¡¯ stove explode ?!¡±


    Covered from head to toe in soot, flour, blood, feathers, and other difficultly identifiable substances, the contrite little girl was looking down, embarrassingly swinging a shoeless foot, and crossing her hands behind her back, still grasping a large charred spoon. Hearing her Big Brother¡¯s eerily subdued question, she lifted a pair of shy quivering eyes, and answered in a shaky tone:


    ¡°E-Eeeeeh¡­ P-P-Pie?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Thus they discovered Dorothy was an even worse cook than Martha ¨C She had been earnestly trying to make pie. ¨C a feat Elric would have deemed impossible less than an hour ago, but that he had to acknowledge since the little mad scientist actually managed to top high level poison with a budding weapon of mass-destruction. In fact, given the state of the metal stove, it was a wonder how the kid was still in one piece.


    Well, at least she¡¯s showing spirit of initiative. That¡¯s an improvement¡­ right?


    After diligently noting down the recipe of the, tentatively named, [Chicken Pie Bomb], the Knowledgeable Reckless Imbecile efficiently cleaned up the baking-aftermath ¨C he was astonished to once more rediscover the purpose of cleansing fire ¨C and prepared a warm bath for the soiled women. While these two washed themselves, Magical Maid ? Eriku-chan grabbed the salvaged pink apron and, in her¡­ his quality of only capable chef in the house,  rapidly fixed something for the reconstituted family to eat.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Later, in a spotless kitchen ¨C Pirupiru~ Maid-Power¡­ ¨C and over a non-poisoned non-explosive meal, a refreshed, but gloomy Dorothy finally told her two concerned caretakers about the memories that had started coming back to her. She had in fact thought cooking would distract her mind a bit from the less-than-happy images that were flooding it. Elric felt somewhat guilty hearing this, but he knew some suffering was unavoidable on the path back to healthiness. He knew it well, since his own brain was highly refractory when it came to sad and mentally painful stuff, closing itself to it like a hermitical shut-in oyster.


    For a couple hours, the former amnesic girl told a discontinued tale, interrupted by jerky gasps and sobs, of what she now remembered of her past life, before Kansas. It was a story full of incoherencies and illogical plot-holes, like, for example, she constantly got the dates and time-flow wrong, and spoke of things that couldn¡¯t possibly exist in the post-apocalyptical country the Wandering Knight had crossed to get here. However Elric guessed it probably was because her memories were still fragmentary, and also for the fact that she should have been barely more than a toddler back then. That, and Dorothy had grown paler and paler as her narration reached the moment of the attack, becoming less and less coherent in the process, and probably reliving every grim detail of that day.


    Presently, Martha was rocking the quietly weeping child, as Elric distractedly patted her head while thinking over what he just heard. Once summed-up and ridded of its inconsistencies, what he got was that Dorothy¡¯s parents had been humble farmers in some southern town, and that, for some unclear, reasons they had decided to travel north with their young daughter and pet-dog Toto, travel during which they had been attacked and eaten by the undead. About the incident itself, it was quite straightforward. One evening, the family had made camp, her father had left to get firewood, promising her to come back fast. He never came back. After a while, her mother had started to worry, and had been about to go search for him, when innumerable stumbling corpses had invaded their campsite, almost immediately and brutally ending the woman¡¯s life. Courageously, Toto the dog had stood up to the incoming decaying menace, trying with all his strength to protect his remaining owner. But Elric knew one small animal wouldn¡¯t have had much chance, even facing a single rotten bastard, let alone against a horde of these horrors. The last instants Dorothy remembered were filled with the sight and sensations of being showered by a rain of blood when Toto had been ripped in two, right in front of her, before the human-shaped monsters swooped down on her, and everything went dark. Next time she had opened her eyes, she was being carried by the Elder, feeling numb and her mind empty.


    How the old chief had managed to intervene right in time to save the girl still puzzled Elric, but the observant knight had already enough suspicions about the man to almost not be surprised if someone were to tell him the Elder was, in fact, a forgotten fallen minor deity of sorts. No. What increasingly bothered him was the evermore completely unexplained and incomprehensible reason that would drive an unarmed family of three to take a leisurely trek across a cursed country, with no more escort than a fundamentally useless lap dog.


    Hell! As far as Dorothy¡¯s memory are accurate, they didn¡¯t even seem prepared or even concerned in any way!?


    He pondered over the issue for a while, before the spectacle of his sobbing little sister of heart, being cradled like a baby by her foster mother, while he reassuringly stroke her hair, soon replaced his worries by bittersweet thoughts about his success in healing the girl from her emotional anaesthesia, but making her show such a sad face in the process.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Over the following three days, Dorothy¡¯s mood remained unstable, oscillating between joy and sorrow, while occasionally relapsing into her accommodating pattern, but overall showing encouraging signs of improvement. Elric kept the girl company some of the time, but the youngest in Kansas spent most of her waking hours with the others villagers, rediscovering life through her newly corrected lenses. Dennis suffered immensely during those three days. The weak-minded young guard, who always had been an easy target for her subconsciously pent-up frustration, was now being wilfully bullied by the little devil, which made the immature grudge-bearing knight chuckle up his sleeve.


    On his side, the childish Knowledgeable didn¡¯t sit around doing nothing either. Freed from his agreeable burden of having to constantly watch after a mentally twisted child, he finally fell into his usual routine, merrily snooping around to learn all he could from, and about, the inhabitants of this peculiar hamlet. His experience with slug tamers helped him quickly gain the friendship of Lagerfeld, and his swarm of giant [Everlarva Silkworm]. He went picking apples with a blushing Ingrid, earning himself a warning glare from Marcus, and tending to small rice paddies with a laughing Meg, resulting in a downcast desperate look from Dennis, who had clenched his fists in restraint anger while mumbling perfectly audible curses.


    Hoy hoy. Is this supposed to be some kind of romantic sitcom or what? Am I the evil playboy? That sssoo doesn¡¯t suit me¡­


    He also got invited for dinner at Melkior¡¯s, along with Martha and Dorothy. They were warmly received by the shoemaker ¨C as Elric recently discovered ¨C and his wife, Delia. Truthful to herself, the village¡¯s female carpenter-lumberjack barely said a word during the meal, but neither of their hosts seemed to mind. The force of habit, Elric guessed. Martha really wasn¡¯t that terrible when one got to know her.


    Although I would still wet myself if I woke up during the night and found her silently watching me in the dark.


    Actually, in that specific case, it wasn¡¯t really her fault, since even the usually talkative Wandering Knight could barely hear himself think over Dorothy and Delia uninterruptedly gossiping like old washerwoman, which, incidentally, the shoemaker¡¯s wife was. This left the amused knight into the role of an intrigued onlooker, sometimes exchanging sympathetic glances with Melkior, who could only sigh with practised resignation.


    Continuing for days his tour of the different villagers¡¯ workplaces and houses, sometimes accompanying Dorothy, sometimes alone, he repeatedly put off his visit to the Elder, inhabited by a strong gut presentiment of impending doom whenever he thought of the shady secretive old man.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    On the fourth day, Elric courageously borrowed tools and materials from the Siberian carpenter, and collected some specifically ordered cloth from Lagerfeld, then walked up to a small grassy hill near the border of the clearing, and sat down on the ground, decided to dedicate the afternoon to resurrecting his deceased hang-glider. The weather was warm with a slight pleasant gale, the sun shone brightly in the sky, a few white clouds drifted around, birds were singing, foxes came poking at his stuff scattered around him. Difficult to believe he was still in the desolated cursed country he wandered in for months, even with the eerie mist seeping out of the surrounding woods. The Wandering Knight for once thought of settling down, or at least to make this paradisiac, if a bit fishy, village something like his base, a place where he could rest in-between deadly adventurous rollercoasters and emotionally tiring daily cat-and-mouse chases with over-enthusiastic fire priestesses.


    Immersing himself in idyllic fantasies while he distractedly, but skilfully, brought the finishing touch to his new ¡°Wing-sama 2.0¡±, he suddenly started at the sound of an out-of-place lift bell.


    *Ting*


    Rolling his eyes and sighting, Elric took a look in the right top corner of his field of vision, where a small round golden icon marked ¡°SA¡±, as in ¡°System Announcement¡±, was irritatingly flashing. He pointlessly plugged his ears ¨C He perfectly knew the sound would be directly inside his head, unescapable. ¨C and mentally clicked the big shiny dot.


    *Very loud fanfare*


    Fuck you Whatever.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">


    ¡ï Update Release ¡ï


    Untold Tales 1.9


    GREETINGS, ADVENTURERS AND ADVENTURESS!!


    It¡¯s finally here!


    The most game-changing,


    Most demanded,


    Most awaited,


    Subclass System!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    As a quick reminder to our newest players, and to some ancients who might need it, choosing a subclass will allow you access to specifications of a job other than your main, or part of it, at least. The more compatibility your main and sub have, the better the results. So, paladins, don¡¯t try to become dark mages. *wink*


    (For more detailed information about the [Subclass System], click here</a>.)


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">


    MORE!!


    Because we,


    At Whatever Incorporated,


    Love you, dear players, so much,


    And want you to share this love amongst yourselves,


    We give you the RP-inducing,


    Most unasked for,


    Most surprising,


    Marriage System!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Now, with a little detour by the nearest church of your chosen confession, and a short ritual ceremony that won¡¯t hurt as long as you¡¯re not a follower of Ha¡¯Ouch, you, as well as your selected soulmate, will be able to enjoy unique mutual benefits! Be careful though. Vows are sacred. And breaking them shall bring upon you the gods¡¯ wrath. That should lower the divorce rate¡­


    (For more detailed information about the [Marriage System], click here</a>.)


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">


    Now, check out your [Identity Window],


    And see the changes for yourself!


    As always, wishing you


    A fulfilled game-life,


    As well as,


    A gruesome and painful death,


    Your most faithful servitor,


    Sincerely yours,


    Edward D.,


    Spokesman for Whatever Inc.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Eeeeh¡­ L¡¯Eddy D. is as flamboyant as ever isn¡¯t ¡°she¡±? Did he actually type ¡°*wink*¡±?! Seriously¡­ Well it¡¯s high time they finally implement that subclass thing. They¡¯ve been hinting it since¡­ what¡­ update 1.4?


    ¡°So, let¡¯s. Show [Identity Window]!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Identity Window</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Name:</td><td width="25%">Elric Walker</td><td width="25%">Alignment:</td><td width="25%">Sun</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Level:</td><td width="25%">127</td><td width="25%">Class:</td><td width="25%">Solar Knight</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Race:</td><td width="25%">Human</td><td width="25%">Subclass:</td><td width="25%">N/A</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gender:</td><td width="25%">Male</td><td width="25%">Marital Status:</td><td width="25%">Single</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Title</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Suspicious Candyman</td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Uh!?¡±


    *blink*


    He got up, and made a double take on the blue floating screen.


    *crack*


    ¡°OH!! COME ON! Damn you, Game!! What¡¯s your problem?! I know I¡¯ve been without a girlfriend for months! Stop shoving it into my face at every damn chance! AAAAAAAAAAH!! FUCK!!! ¡­or not. That¡¯s just the problem, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    The God of Chaos enjoys your recent series of random questionable fits of rage.


    +3 Luck


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    *sigh*


    Still stalking me, are You? Tsh. And here I was, thinking the peaceful atmosphere was getting me all better. Seems I¡¯m still on edge.


    The Bachelor Knight put two fingers on each side of his head, and slowly massaged his temples.


    ¡°I¡¯m seriously going to lose it at this rate.¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos approves.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­ the hell¡­¡±


    The Spied-On Knight shook his head in disbelief, dismissing the weird pop-up.


    *sigh* ¡°Aaaa-ny-way¡­ Where am I supposed to find a subclass out here? I¡¯m not too hyped on becoming a partial necro. And the compatibility would suck. *sigh* So, how do I go about this?¡±


    ¡°You know, I could help you with that.¡±


    ¡°WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!¡±


    Surprised out of his wits, Elric fell back on his knightly posterior.


    As if materializing out of thin air, an arched old man had suddenly appeared before him. The wrinkled trickster grinned widely as he leant on his thick cane, his sunken golden eyes sparkling like those of a child from the depth of their discordant sockets, looking down on the fallen knight. The Kansan by heart had never gotten used to the way the Elder could sneak up on him, silent as a ghost, seemingly teleporting around despite the fact a [Zombie Snail] would have probably beaten the arthritic slowpoke in a race.


    ¡°Kekeke. Still too weak your mind is, young one.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Why the inversion?¡±


    ¡°Because I can.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± He couldn¡¯t beat the old crook in an argument.  ¡°You said you could help me? What about exactly?¡±


    ¡°Finding a subclass, of course. Kekeke. Or do you want some relationship advices?¡±


    ¡°Not from you.¡±


    ¡°Kekeke. Such a foursquare refusal! Do I seem that untrustworthy on such matters to you? Let me tell you, rude youngster, that I was quite a handsome lad in my early days, and heavily courted at that. Women would throw themselves at me by the dozen.¡± He put a hand to his heart while nodding in a very self-satisfied manner. ¡°Although I always stayed faithful to my one and true love¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t believe me do you?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t imagine you young. How many centuries ago was that?¡±


    ¡°Mmmmh. Around twenty, I think. Kekeke.¡±


    ¡°¡­really?¡± The intrigued, slightly startled, knight raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°Kekeke. Who knows¡­¡± The Elder sat down next to him. ¡°AH! Now, I remember that my supposedly unbreakable love ended up in quite a debacle. Keke¡­ Aaaaaaah¡­¡± He suddenly looked sad. Elric was always impressed by the speed at which the old man could switch from one convincing emotion to another. It made him quite difficult to fathom.


    ¡°Remember this, young one. One cannot ever truly know the inside of a maiden¡¯s heart as long as they haven¡¯t been a maiden themselves.¡±


    Elric raised a second eyebrow at the weird cryptic statement, before the image of a certain brunette crossed his mind.


    Well¡­ I¡¯m not sure it really applies¡­ But.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ You¡¯re probably right¡­¡± *sigh*


    ¡°Ooooh¡­ Would you care to share your misadventures with this dried out old man?¡±


    ¡°¡­ Nothing much to say. Her name was Jenny. She left me¡­ For a girl.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­HOHOHOHOHOHOHOH-¡±


    The old unsympathetic, self-proclaimed, former chick-magnet was rolling on the ground, once more splitting his sides laughing at the expense of the vaguely pissed knight.


    ¡°AH!¡± The Elder wiped the corners of his watering eyes. ¡°Hohoho¡­You never cease to amuse me.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Do not make such a dejected face. Pffffft-hoh- At least¡­ you know she didn¡¯t forsake you for the size of your manhoohoohohoho *inhale* HOHOHOHO-¡°


    ¡°Can I punch you?¡±


    ¡°HOho¡­ ho¡­ Please do not. I am not sure I would survive to that.¡±


    ¡±Not sure ¡®bout that. Why not find out...?¡± Elric mumbled menacingly between his teeth.


    ¡°Hum. *cough* On more pressing matters¡­¡±


    Yeah. Change the subject¡­


    ¡°¡­ Have you been avoiding me lately?¡±


    ¡°You creep me out, you always speak in half-truth, and I have a feeling something terrible is going to happen whenever you¡¯re around.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°At least you¡¯re direct.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t say sorry.¡±


    The other raised a hand to deny the knight¡¯s un-apology, and looked away coyly, seemingly a tad uncomfortable.


    ¡°No hard feelings, I know I have not been entirely honest with you.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Yeah.¡±


    ¡°However, understand that I needed to ascertain your merit.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­Yeah.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯ve magnificently proved yourself, exceeding even my greatest expectations.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­¡­Ah?¡±


    ¡°¡­ Yes. Thank you.¡± The Elder¡¯s mood unexpectedly made a one-eighty, suddenly turning dead-serious. ¡°From the bottom of my drained heart, thank you.¡±


    And he bowed deeply to the ground in front of an embarrassed Elric.


    ¡°Ah! Stop that plea-¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Quest Update: The little girl who couldn¡¯t smile (D)


    You have successfully brought back her memories and true feelings to the little Dorothy.


    Consequences:


    - Intimacy raised with the villagers of Kansas.


    You will always be welcomed in the village.


    - Intimacy raised with the Elder ¡°???¡± of Kansas.


    The old chief feels forever indebted to you for succeeding where he himself couldn¡¯t.


    - Intimacy with Dorothy raised to MAX.


    Dorothy considers you part of her family.


    - Intimacy with Martha raised to MAX.


    Martha considers you part of her family.


    Additional rewards might be received from the villagers depending on future interactions.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Martha too? How does she treat those she dislike?!


    Shivering, Elric rapidly dismissed the pointless window, noting in passing the system was deliberately clouding the Elder¡¯s real name, and walked to the bent old chief to raise him back up.


    ¡°There¡¯s no need to thank me. After getting to know her, I would surely have done the same regardless of your request.¡±


    This last statement was a blatant involuntary untruth. Indeed, if nobody had pointed him in her direction, the careless and kind of selfish knight probably wouldn¡¯t have paid enough attention to the girl as to notice her mental disequilibrium. Someone had, however, and Elric, for all conscious he was of his own issues, wasn¡¯t very good at tracing back the origin of his emotions. He mostly let them run rampant, unchecked, and followed them blindly, going with his own flow without bothering to look back on his reasons.


    The experienced elderly let himself be returned to sitting normally, and gazed at the old youth before him, his wrinkled lips curled up in a derisive half-smile, as if to tell Elric he knew him more than the Sage of the Wild knew himself, and wasn¡¯t dupe over what would have really happened without his specific solicitation. However, the tactful Kansan made no comment, instead saying:


    ¡°Since I have recognised your worth, I will now reveal you the truth about this hidden village.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re ninjas.¡±


    ¡°How did you know?!¡±


    Back to silly, are you? How do you do that?


    ¡°¡­ Now, I¡¯ll have to ask you how the hell do you know what a ¡®ninja¡¯ is?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Well, long ago, the Erwyian royalty had at their service a secret intervention body going by that name.¡±


    ¡°But those have nothing to do with Kansas?¡±


    ¡°Not really.¡±


    ¡°Are you trolling me?¡±


    ¡°Based on your tone, I will answer ¡®Yes¡¯. But what have trolls to do with anything?¡±


    ¡°Nothing good, I¡¯m afraid.¡±


    ¡°They rarely do.¡± The Elder seriously nodded while holding his chin.


    ¡°¡­¡± Elric could almost hear  the headache poke at his skull. ¡°Let¡¯s stop this. I¡¯ve got a feeling we are digressing from the subject and making less and less sense.¡± <1>


    ¡°Indeed. I think I have been influenced by you. The Chaos truly is strong in you.¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    For spreading Its influence, Chaos rewards you.


    +1 Luck


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Elric facepalmed, earning himself a concerned look from the Elder.


    ¡°Are you okay, son?¡±


    ¡°Yes, old man. I just realized I should be careful when I look at the chaos, for the Chaos looks back.¡±


    ¡°Oh. You are surprisingly wise when you try.¡±


    ¡°Some have called me that¡­ Wait¡­ Why do I feel insulted? And, by the way, how did you know the name of an ancient secret royal assassination squad?¡±


    ¡°Do you want to hear about the subclass, or not?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I shall take that as an affirmation. Now listen.¡±


    Sitting back down on his knees, Elric straightening his posture, and tried to look like an attentive student, something, oddly enough, he was¡­ but as long as the subject interested him. Like two gears of a well-greased clock, the Elder in turn took a deep professorial voice.


    ¡°Jests aside, the village of Kansas has for hundreds of years protected the entrance to a secret valley.¡±


    Adding up two and two, the Wandering Knight let his eyes slide towards the wide emerald mesa blocking his view on the other side of the clearing. The ancient followed his gaze approvingly.


    ¡°As usual, you catch up fast. Good. I¡¯ve always liked that about you. Yes, this ¡®mountain¡¯ is but a hollow wall. And behind this wall of stone, lay sealed-up grounds nobody set foot in for at least the last three-hundred years. In the middle of those grounds stands the curs- forgotten Bluerose Castle, and inside this castle lives the Immortal Exiled Princess. She is the one who can grant you what you seek.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Elric should probably have pondered more about the implications of the secretive nameless old man¡¯s revelations, about the brief odd allusions in their earlier conversations, also about the incoherencies in Dorothy¡¯s story, and about the not-so-discreet slip-up in his last explanation. If he had, this tale might have taken a different direction. But who was he? The Reckless Imbecile didn¡¯t earn his nickname by being careful and thoroughly thinking things through. No. What bugged him was something else.


    ¡°Immortal?¡± The memory of about forty centimetres of similarly described squeaky bony arrogance floated in his mind. ¡°Your princess¡­ She¡¯s not a lich, right?¡±


    ¡°A lich? No!! ... I mean. No, nothing of the sort. Just your average, common, run-of-the-mill, not undead at all, immortal princess¡­ Nothing suspicious there. Hehe.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    The Elder was faintly sweating, the midday sun reflecting in his mostly bald scalp. Right now, he probably was thanking every god he knew that the so-called Sage of the Wild¡¯s brain was so damned weirdly wired.


    ¡°Hm hum¡­ *cough* Anyway. I can open a path for you, and guide you up to the entrance of Nowhere. However, you will have to reach Bluerose by yourself. And it will also up to you alone to¡­ deal¡­ with Vic- the princess.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Are you even still trying, old man?


    Said old man was right now feeling highly uncomfortable under the ¡°not buying your shit¡± glare he was getting from the not-so-gullible-as-he-liked-to-act knight. As much as Elric enjoyed jumping into shark-filled rivers with weights attached to his bound feet, his current interlocutor was beginning to sound way too obviously suspicious.


    However, the Wandering Knight followed his own rules, not the world¡¯s ones. And rule number 13 of Elric¡¯s notebook stated: Even if the path is a blatant trap, as long as rule 4 applies, always refer to rule 1. <2>


    The uneasy Elder made an awkward rictus, showing his abnormally white teeth, and nervously scratching his cheek.


    ¡°Sooooo¡­ Interested?¡±


    ¡°You haven¡¯t done this in a while, have you?¡±


    ¡°Eeeh¡­ Haha¡­ Haaaa¡­¡±


    He felt silent for some time. Elric didn¡¯t say a word, but continued to glare at him knowingly.


    A cloud passed over, casting its shadow around the immobile duo. When the sunlight fell once more upon them, the chief let out a loud prolonged sigh, and suddenly seemed to age by a century or two, his impressive stature shrinking like a deflating balloon. For the first time since he came here, Elric saw in front of him what the Elder always pretended to be: a fragile, powerless old man, exhausted by the hardships of a long life. The golden eyes had lost their shine, and were staring in defeat at some ancient sombre memories. Then, they looked up at the patiently waiting young knight, before shying away from his in intense gaze.


    ¡°Eeeeeh¡­ *sigh* Sorry. It was unbecoming of me, to try and abuse of your kindness and cluelessness like that. Forget about what I just told you. I will not bother you about this again. Go back to Dorothy. That girl truly needs you. I am just an old dusty relic pushing the responsibility for his past failure onto the young generation once again. Ha! What an Elder I make! It seems age did not make me any wiser than I was back then.¡± *sigh*


    He was already laboriously getting up, sighing in hopless resignation, when Elric grabbed his hand. Looking up from his sitting position, the Reckless Imbecile grinned wildly at the old out-of-practice swindler, dangerous crazy sparkles dancing into his maliciously screwed up eyes.


    ¡°Where do I sign?¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Wow. Please! Someone says that to the author. Elric just summed up the story!


    <2> Elric¡¯s rules:


    Rule 4: ¡°If it doesn¡¯t look like it¡¯ll kill you right away, it¡¯s saaafe.¡±


    Rule 1: ¡°When there¡¯s fun to get, take it! When there isn¡¯t, make it!¡±


    <hr />


    And the plot starts moving again! Not that the whole episode in Kansas was devoid of sense or purpose, mind you.


    I tried to finish setting up the frame of Elric¡¯s mind-set, so that his actions later on seem ¡°logical¡±, at least from his standpoint. It will also help, in the future, as a basis for our MC¡¯s motivations to start his quest. And I already introduced a side-character¡­ and a half¡­ that will become important later. Guess who?


    Well, I can¡¯t deny I was also practicing my writing a bit. Since it¡¯s the first time I¡¯m ¡°seriously¡± trying to produce something like that, I wanted to get a bit used to it before getting in the ¡°meaningful¡± stuff (an adjective I use carefully).


    Please leave your thoughts, ideas, hypothesis, demands, fantasies, fetishes, critiques, hate messages, marriage proposals, three sizes, top 10 animes, grocery lists, pictures of your grandmother, race of you dog(s), dimensions of your chimney duct, as well as suggested types of monsters, character¡¯s names, or guilds¡¯, countries¡¯, or powers¡¯, and also detailed reports of your last nightmare in the comments below. I appreciate those. I need those. Not that I don¡¯t have inspiration by myself, I have. But I mostly find it in subtle things that intrigue me in my surroundings, or ask my friends, and then I hallucinate over it through Diet Coke? overdose. Reading suggestions that are in direct link with my story makes it actually easier. And I¡¯m quite easily influenced.


    Well, I won¡¯t do anything to you if you don¡¯t. Not that there¡¯s much I could do¡­ except do sad puppy eyes to the screen of my laptop¡­ So don¡¯t feel forced.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    Oh! And rate, onegaishimasu, if you have the time¡­ Feedback is always welcomed.


    Anyway, your faithful readership is still the best I can hope for, so  thank you, and I shall be working on the next chapter.


    (I ended up being quite talkative, didn¡¯t I? S¡¯ry ¡®bout that.)


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.11 – Lets Get Real, part 1

    Chapter 11 ¨C Let¡¯s Get Real


    Part 1


    ¡°Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.


    Welcome to my serenity circle.


    Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.¡±


    ¨C Merlin, Shrek the Third


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    - Nicolas¡¯ PoV -  <1>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have logged out.


    Linked Time [14:59:58]


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Aaah! Schweinehund! Two sec. TWO FREAKIN¡¯ SECONDS!!¡±


    Already raging for no reason, Nicolas opened his eyes. As usual, the familiar starry ceiling looked oddly distorted through the curved Plexiglas screen. He gave a firm shake to the bindings, which came lose without a hitch. Obviously. Despite the SM design of the W-Chair, their only purpose was to maintain the user on the sensors, not to restrain him. Well, true, the device did call out to the slightly masochist part of his personality.


    Sure it wouldn¡¯t be too difficult to modify a bit. Where did I put those leather strips again?


    Derisively sigh-chuckling, Nicolas got back into ¡°sitting mode¡±, lifted up the headgear, leapt out of his prided anachronistic torture seat, rubbed his waking eyes, and glanced at the glowing moon-shaped clock up the wall.


    ¡°Seven uh? Morning already¡­ *yawn* Damn. This game really fucks up my time perception¡­ Four days in one. Useful, but brain-melting. Plus it¡¯s linked to California time zone. Talk about a difference. What was it again¡­ Eight¡­ Plus one¡­ Nine. Nine hours more¡­ or less? Bah. Whatever. Viva Belgica! Clouds, rain, and cold winters, autumn, spring¡­ Just cold. Erwyn without zombies, in a nutshell. ¡­ Nuts¡­ Ah! Right. We don¡¯t have a government half of the time either. Mmmmh. Maybe I should explore the parallel more? Nah. Anyway¡­ Now. I got twelve hours of free time. ¡­Although. Should I really call the moments when I¡¯m not playing UT ¡°free time¡±? That sounds like something a NEET would say. Which I¡¯m not. Of course. Student of the state. Model citizen, Sir! Aaaah¡­ Anyway. What kind of trap did I just agreed to jump into, this time? Elder John Doe, you sneaky bastard, what are you hiding? You¡¯re even more suspicious than a gaming chair.¡±


    Man¡­ that sounded deep¡­


    After he had agreed to virtually go bungee jumping without checking neither the length of the cord, nor the height of the bridge, Elric had gone back to Martha¡¯s house, spent some time with Dorothy, and then told the two he would be ¡°gone¡± for two days. Explaining that his mind sometimes went to another world when he slept had felt weird, as usual. Nicolas pondered once again over why the programmers at Whatever hadn¡¯t deemed necessary to implement the basic concepts concerning the nature of ¡°adventurers¡± inside the NPCs¡¯ consciousness. Hell! Some locals had never even heard of the existence of adventurers. Most of the civilized regions Elric had crossed had at least some legends, foretelling the arrival of otherworldly beings with abnormal powers and cheated growth rates, but that rarely went further. Realism obsession, probably. Well, not that he complained. He loved RP. And not having ¡°Descended Half-god¡± or ¡°Envoy of the Underworld¡± metaphorically plastered on his forehead wherever he went was a good thing as far as he was concerned.


    While letting his thoughts run wild, and reflexively insulting the Elder of Kansas, Nicolas forcefully twisted his upper body until he heard a satisfying series of cracks coming from his wrung backbone. He then reproduced the unhealthy stretching on all parts of his numb self, giving his nerves the equivalent of a cold-water-bucket-in-the-face wake-up call, in a concerto of crackling sounds. Delighted by the faintly painful sensations, he let out a low purring.


    ¡°Mrrrrrrrr¡­ Ahhhh. That¡¯sss good.¡± Aaaand¡­ that reminds me¡­ Is he¡­?


    He hummingly waltzed up to the closed curtains, performed two axel turns on the way, and abruptly pulled them open, allowing the rising winter sun to lit up the dark room.


    ¡°Yeeep. On time as usual. Are you a clock? Or perhaps just a punctual walking stomach?¡±


    Outside, on the balcony of his fifth-floor flat, sat a huge, fat, black, one-eyed cat, disfigured by a nasty scar eating up half of his face.


    Well, I say fat, but, for all I know, all this plumpness may actually be hiding a shitload of muscles.


    The oversized beast did look fierce, with his only brown-red oculus glaring through the windoor at the human, who glared back and hissed aggressively.


    Furrowing his browns and moving his lower jaw forward, Nicolas put up his scariest expression, one to make dogs bark, children cry, and granny switch sides of the pavement. He then violently slid the window open, shouting:


    ¡°AAAAAaaarrh! Wat¡¯ you doin¡¯ on ma land a¡¯gin McLeon?!¡±


    The loud young man himself wasn¡¯t sure what accent he was trying to portray¡­ Far-West-Scottish-Countryside-Drunk-Old-Ranger maybe? Not that ¡°McLeon¡± looked in any way impressed by the tentatively fearsome display, as the haughty feline ¨C pleonasm ¨C walked right past his not-really-owner/convenient-food-provider, rubbing mockingly against Nicolas¡¯ leg, and arrogantly meowing.


    ¡°Meohohohow¡­ Ya don¡¯ scare me won bit, Siegel!¡±


    That furry bastard even DARES to mock my godly acting!


    ¡°Well ya shou¡¯d, fatty. Won dey, Imma get mah-self a new set of strings fer ma violin, an¡¯ it¡¯s yer bowels that I gonna use fer it! And ya¡¯ll be turned into a god-damn¡¯d carpet while I¡¯m at it.¡±


    ¡°disdainful cat-snort¡± ¡°Ye-meow-ah?! Ya and whose army?¡±


    ¡°¡­Tsh. Imma get¡¯ch ya won dey, McLeon!¡±


    ¡°cat-sigh¡± Dropping the fake accent: ¡°Yeah¡­ yeah¡­ whatever. Where¡¯s my food?¡±


    ¡°¡­in the kitchen.¡± with Brian.


    Needless to say, that was all Nicolas. Cats didn¡¯t talk. Not in front of humans at least. Maybe they were just shy. Or was it a conspiracy? He had no idea. Didn¡¯t care. He just liked to make up dialogue. This might make him seem weird to onlookers, but he was living alone after all. The odd-behaved gamer probably would have show some restraint in front of complete strangers ¨C probably, maybe, I make no promises ¨C especially if said strangers had some sort of influence over his life. New landlord. Debt collector. School envoys¡­ Those guys.


    Well, important people are pretty much an extinct species in this corner of the world. And that includes myself. Why would we say ¡°corner¡± of the world, by the way. Isn¡¯t this a known fact that the world is a sphere¡­ kinda¡­ more like a slightly flattened ellipsoid¡­ BUT THAT¡¯S BESIDE THE POINT!!


    Wide exclamatory gestures were punctuating his ungoverned monologue as he continued out loud:


    ¡°So who cares if I make cats talk?! Hey!? The Feline Freedom Federation, in other words the fffffff, is the only one I would allow to object¡­ Oh! FFF¡­ also being an acronym for Fifth-Floor Flat! HA HA! Coincidence? I think NOT!! FREEEDOM!!! And power to cats! ¡­Why? I don¡¯t know, you¡¯re the one making no sense. But you¡¯re me! Stop that. Alright, you first. No, you. No, y- SHUT UP!! Both of me!¡±


    While being self-satisfyingly bizarre, Nicolas walked up to the radio and switch it on. It was tuned to his favourite RSMS, the Random Style Music Station. Pumped-up computer-generated beat immediately flowed out of four impressive speakers, one in each corner of the room. He loved music. He probably would breathe it if he could. Whatever the kind, with a slight reservation on rap though. It lacked melody in his opinion. And melody was paramount! It was the only sure-fire way he found to focus his thoughts on a single thing. The flowing rhythm would fill his mind, taking with it all the ideas that laid around in disorder, and then he could finally let his brain rest for a time.


    Well, it was only his opinion though. His brother ¨C he had a real-life one ¨C loved the stuff. Difficult to hate something when it was constantly pushed onto you. Nothing was all bad after all. Nor all good either. That went for rap too. And his natural tendency was to wilfully ignore the bad parts too.


    He had even bought Whatever¡¯s newest W-MP. When plugged on the W-Chair, the device added an in-game functionality to record sound, in order to then be able to listen to it in real life. Didn¡¯t work the other way around though. Well, music could still be put on it normally, but none of the content could be accessed inside of Untold Tales. It probably would have pissed off bards, and didn¡¯t fit with the makers¡¯ realism fetish.


    Most players would record in-game musical performances, or peaceful natural ambiances. Some professionals actually used the W-MP to obtain cheap background sound for medieval movies and the likes. Personally, Nicolas¡¯ latest favourite was the wails of undead hordes. Low-toned, calm, soothing, and a subconscious reminder of the pleasure he felt when mindlessly slaughtering the rotting bastards. It helped him fall asleep.


    Although¡­ he still didn¡¯t want to upset the neighbours, living in an apartment building and all, so he kept it relatively quiet. He did. He thought he did, at least. In fact, the expensive speakers were bought mostly to satisfy his dependency towards sound quality. He always found his neighbours quite accommodating anyway¡­ or resigned. Question of point of view.


    The music-addict waltzed to the kitchen, playing air-drums as the sound switched to hard rock, and striking possibly ridiculous poses at times he judged suitable. Inside the ¡°lab¡±, as he called it, the depth-perception-impaired furball was already waiting, sitting in the middle of the room, away from any eventual collision-inducing furniture.


    Not that I ever saw him bump into anything¡­ Is it a sixth sense? Echolocation perhaps? Are you secretly half-bat? Are you Batcat? ¡­mmmh¡­ Bruce McLeon. YEAH!


    ¡°McLeon, I found you a first name! Aren¡¯t you happy?¡±


    *silence*


    ¡°Of course you are!¡± He merrily clapped his hands together, smiling like a proud mother.


    The newly re-baptized, hungry, downsized panther was trying to look stoic, but his treacherously twitching ears and slowly wagging tail were saying otherwise.


    Wagging you tail like that¡­ Forget Batcat, are you a dog, Bruce? You know, it''s not who you are underneath that defines you, but what you do. Bruce does sound right for a dog. Or was it Brutus?


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t stab me? Would you?¡±


    ¡°I meowake no prrrromises, especially if you keep swinging myeow food underrr my nose like that.¡±


    Nicolas smiled evilly, while continuing to wave a can of pat¨¦, and said in a teasing voice:


    ¡°You really want your sweets, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°O-O-Of c-course no-not! Who d-d-do you think I-I am?! But s-si-since you ins-s-sist s-so much, I-I-I c-ca-can¡¯t refuse! BAKA! ~nyaa¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re so cute.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    I need a girlfriend.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After feeding the cat ¨C male by the way ¨C, Nicolas exercised a bit. More in order to pretend he didn¡¯t completely let himself rot away than for  anything else. If he really wanted, he could have picked up judo again, but he found going to the dojo several times a week to be such a hassle.


    Practical, he always played UT in tracksuit, so that he didn¡¯t need to change for his customary after-game half-assed fitness session. Once satisfied with his measly performance, he took a shower, and then went back to the living room, wearing only a bathrobe. Some retro-music from the twenties was filling the air and Bruce Mcleon, alias ¡°the Obese Squatter¡±, was sleeping in the couch, taking up two-thirds of it. Nicolas sighted, searching around for someone to sympathise with his ¨C mild ¨C hardship. Nobody was in sight. Of course. That was the fun thing about living alone, and being single.


    To distract himself from his growing self-pitying habit, he took a look at the living room itself. In his eyes, his place wasn¡¯t too shabby. An apartment with a fairly large living space that doubled as a dining room, a separated kitchen, two bedrooms, a bathroom with both shower AND tub. Add to that a second WC and a few closets, all in the middle of a densely populated area, with a nice view of the river, and you¡¯ll end up with a2 fairly expensive abode. Nothing extravagant though. He wasn¡¯t one to pour money down the drain. At least for things he didn¡¯t consider essential. Although many might disagree on his very malleable definition of ¡°essential¡±.


    Joining hands over his plexus, and bowing his head, he offered a quick prayer to his parents, whose money was paying the rent, wherever they might be.


    At work, probably. Mom and Dad both start at a half-past seven, so¡­ yeah.


    When he moved to the city for his studies, they stayed behind in their hometown. They were now living alone ¨C too ¨C, since Luke, his little brother, was currently living in England. This guy actually was an excellent student and had managed to get a scholarship for some prestigious school over there. Unsurprisingly, Nicolas¡¯ career had been a bit rockier to say the least. One could say, from Society¡¯s point of view, that his brother surpassed him in every way, if not in age. But that didn¡¯t mean that Nicolas had any sort of jealousy towards Luke. The siblings had a great relationship in fact, just different approaches to life in general, one being more socially acknowledged than the other. That was all.


    His mom still insisted that he called her four times a week though, despite her always doing all the talking by herself.


    Why doesn¡¯t she simply whisper me in-game? Luke does. Seriously¡­ I could waste four times less precious instants of my life. It¡¯s not like she doesn¡¯t play! Wasn¡¯t she some kind of hammer-wielding berserker? I¡¯m not sure. I remember Dad said he was a healer¡­


    Back to the apartment, Nicolas found that his place looked amazing. He decorated it himself, and was honestly quite proud of it. The walls and ceiling of the living room were painted in a uniform dark blue, on which he had pasted phosphorescent stickers of stars, planets and other space bodies, scrupulously respecting the known constellations. The two curtains, one for the balcony windoor and the other for the hallway, where he was currently standing, blended nicely into the walls and on the whole floor laid a thick grass-like forest-green carpet. The dining table was a wooden outdoor one, surrounded by four matching chairs. He thought it perfectly gave the impression of a clearing at night.


    A beat-up couch, with a rocky aspect, faced a wall, and, between the two, stood an actual stone coffee table ¨C stupid name since I only ever drink either coke or tea. On said wall, some nailed narrow planks, covered in artificial moss, framed a portion singularly painted in white. It created a fake signboard coupled with a wide-angle projector, the latter hanging from the ceiling. The projector was wirelessly linked to his black laptop, resting on the coffee table. On the ground, poufs were scattered, mimicking rocks, logs, giant mushrooms, and cute colourful slimes. The last things were the radio and the speakers, whose designs were in accord with the rest¡­ as well as the vaguely out-of-place W-chair. But where was he supposed to put it? He didn¡¯t like to have electronic appliances in his room ¨C it messes up my sleep ¨C, tried to keep the spare guest-bedroom free from his random stuff, and the kitchen or bathroom were simply out of the question¡­.


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    Well, nothing is perfect. I¡¯ll have to customize it later¡­ Yeah. Later.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Nicolas was distracted from his self-flattering accessorial contemplation and shameless procrastination by a metallic creaking, followed by the sound of paper hitting the parquet of the hallway ¨C the fake woolly grass was only in the living room.


    Vincent, already?


    Vincent Mayor was the landlord of the building. He was a calm, nice, old man with an ¨C mostly ¨C honest personality. He played UT too, as an herbalist, and was one of the few to actually know his tenant¡¯s identity as Elric.


    Well¡­ I call him ¡°honest¡±¡­ but still business-minded. He does make a lot of money from all those recipes I send him after all.


    Every day, Vincent would personally deliver the mail of the residents. ¡°His postal jogging¡± he called it. Nicolas had always found interesting to hear all the idiocies people could come up with to pretend to exercise. Most of mankind was fundamentally lazy. That was the Sage of the Wild¡¯s intimate conviction.


    Nicolas went to pick up the, probably useless, ¡°maily¡± stuff ¨C Who still writes letters anyway? ¨C and opened the door, catching a glimpse of a skinny back drawing away at a regular pace.


    ¡°A good morning to you, Sir Mayor, esteemed landlord! My utmost gratitude, as usual! Please do not overexert yourself! I fear to one day hear your pacemaker finally failed you, and to see you replaced by someone who would actually ask of me the full rent!¡± the unscrupulous tenant shouted.


    Without looking back, Vincent waved and answered in a cackling voice:


    ¡°Haha! Continue to find me useful formulas, young knight, and I this old man will continue to let you off easy.¡±


    ¡°Worry not, dear sir, I recently met an ice witch brewing some kind of undiscovered, extremely potent, poison. I shall write its ingredients down for you without delay.¡±


    Sorry Martha.


    ¡°Hehehe. Good. Good¡­¡±


    And the old man was gone.


    How do all the male elderlies I know manage to be both benevolent grandpas AND profiteering crooks at the same time? Do I just attract weirdoes? Or did I corrupt Vincent somehow? ¡­Nah. Impossible. I¡¯m an angel of niceness and honesty.


    Reasserting his own immaculate innocence, Nicolas closed the door, dropped the mail on the table, and went back into his ¡°sciency¡± lab-styled kitchen to make cr¨ºpes. No particular reason. Just hunger. While cooking, he tentatively danced to Offenbach¡¯s Cancan <2>, gift from RSMS, still naked under his towelling robe, and was thusly being rewarded by the circumspect and vaguely pitying gaze of McLeon.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    An hour later, Nicolas carried the result of his attempt at post-modern choreography to the living room, and proceeded to enact a meticulous and heartless self-depreciating destruction of his hard work, barbarically resorting to his bare teeth to tear through the defenceless sugar-sprinkled batter, in an unsightly act, commonly referred to as ¡°eating¡±.


    A hungry man so easily devolves into the ranks of uncivilized beasts.


    In an attempt to hold on to his leaking humanity, the improvised deranged philosophe grabbed an handful of pieces of paper covered in printed words ¨C called ¡°letters¡± he remembered ¨C and  went through the pile of useless cra-  ¡°Ah!¡±


    About to drown in the depths of his own gory food porn delirium, he was suddenly dragged back to the surface by the sight of a postcard lost in the ¨C not so large ¨C amount of vouchers, invoices and sectarian recruitment pamphlets.


    What is that numbskull doing again?


    The aforementioned postcard showed a tanned man in his late twenties, dressed-up in parachuting gear, lavishly posing next to a small plane and surrounded by an anime-harem-full of lightly dressed young beauties.


    ¡°Tsh.¡±


    Why does he always and only sends me this kind of picture? Do your job properly, for God¡¯s sake!


    The man in question, Aapeli Bernstein, was in fact a world-renowned photographer, not the kind of person Nicolas would normally get acquainted with. Music, yes. He understood. He still played the violin whenever he found some time, and some will to. Art in general¡­ Eeeeh?


    His few close friends never believed him when he claimed not to be such an art-fan. According to them, his abstract mind-frame should make him overly receptive to any form of conceptual representations. Not really. True, when he didn¡¯t use them as paramedical psychotropic, melodies could stimulate his imagination, helping him create rhythmic imaginary worlds of his own¡­ in which he usually portrayed himself beating the shit out of stuff and killing some other stuff¡­ but that was beside the point! That was his own interpretation of it. Trying to comprehend someone else¡¯s thinking, what they were trying to show, to tell, to make him feel? Not his thing. As far as he was concerned, Dorothy had been an exception, a lovely, cute, and endearing side-project. He usually never cared. He liked beautiful, simple things. Not ones he had to concentrate over.


    In a sense, since Aapeli Bernstein, pen-named ¡°AB¡±, mostly specialized in landscapes, he thus belonged to a category of artists Nicolas was somehow more likely to be interested in. Truth be told, the young man actually grew rather fond of the photographer¡¯s work since they met. But even then, he would always be interested in the product itself, more than in its creator. For instance, despite his music near-physiological dependency, Nicolas never went to a single concert of his own volition.


    So how did they come to be close enough for the man to attempt to slowly drown his younger friend under a continuous stream of postcards? Through Untold Tales, of course!


    In order to take advantage of the high realism of UT, and its convenient time differential, AB had started an in-game career as a dwarf painter, under the nickname of Lautrek <3>. He actually managed to make money by selling his virtual oeuvres, while still continuing his real life job.


    Nicolas once tried to object that, since painting took more time than photography, the time gain was pretty much cancelled out, so why not stick with the real world? The artist¡¯s answer had been so passionate that the inept knight swore himself never to raise the subject ever again. He didn¡¯t even understood half of the other¡¯s arguments, but if the guy was happy, how could the Reckless Imbecile question his way of doing things? He sure as hell would himself slice anyone who dared to critique Elric¡¯s ways.


    In order to find never-before-seen sceneries, Lautrek joined the unofficial ranks of the deep explorers. A few months ago (RLT), he had contacted Elric to ask if the renowned jackass could get him some screenshots of a marvellous, but absurdly dangerous, ancient mine. The place was infested with crawlers, nasty fellows loosely related to goblins, extremely aggressive and poisonous. Seduced by the suicidal expedition idea, the Reckless Imbecile had of course agreed.


    After that incident ¨C which resulted in one of Elric¡¯s most humiliating death, involving a sneakily pushing crawler, a thin badly located stalagmite, and long fall with a very unfortunate landing point ¨C the two somehow hit it off. Since then, the Wandering Knight would send the painter screenshots of interesting places and situations every so often. In return, the dwarf struggled to correct his hermitic friend¡¯s deficient social skills¡­ mostly by dragging the Sage of the Wild incognito into various taverns and in-game previews of his own work.


    While Elric never got much better, Lautrek, on his side, recently once more made a killing with the ¡°Temple of Holli-fucking-ness¡±, stunning masses with his new ¡°intentionally¡± vague style. In truth, Elric had been running flat out to reach the exit of the crazy building, resulting in the model shots being rather blurry, but people would always be amazed by weird art, as long as they were told the weirdness was there on purpose. And Lautrek¡¯s work did look impressive, in all honesty. However, despite the canvas¡¯ patron asking its creator not to use the ridiculous name, the painter must have been too busy laughing at the knight to listen to what he was being whispered to through private chat.


    In real life, Aapeli travelled the Globe ¨C Flattened Ellipsoid ¨C, in search of inspiration, doing various activities on the way, mainly trying out all sorts of extreme sports, and hitting on every woman who crossed his path. And he was good at it. Asshole. He did take his job seriously though ¨C reason why he chose a dexterous dwarf for his avatar, and not a seductive elf ¨C, but his women addiction was as incurable as Nicolas¡¯ to music. Nevertheless, the latter still thought his was the healthier of the two, if perhaps more sexually frustrating.


    Careful though. Aapeli wasn¡¯t what you would call a despicable womaniser either. More like an innocent instinctual charmer. His good looks and constant bright honest enthusiasm usually sufficed to attract people to him. Thus, since he really wasn¡¯t one to turn down a pretty girl, he rarely spent a night alone¡­ or sleeping for that matter¡­ except when he was working or playing UT, I which cases he fell into ¡°serious mode¡±, and often pulled all-nighters.


    From each and every of the responsible playboy¡¯s stops, a half-envious half-pissed Nicolas would receive a postcard of the guy, doing¡­ stuff, accompanied by his latest conquest. Conquests in fact, most often. He already got mailed a total amount of almost a freaking cubic metre of those pictures, some of which could be easily classified as soft-porn, some worse. For example, even if the last sending didn¡¯t show it ¨C because of the parachute gear and the thankfully ¡°clean¡± nature of the situation ¨C , Nicolas knew that Aapeli¡¯s whole body but his face was covered in tattoos. Some in places he wished he never EVER was made aware of.


    The textual content being absolutely inconsequential, Nicolas carried the picture to his room and threw it with the others in a huge box marked with a glowing ¡°radioactive hazardous materials¡± sign.


    Yawning, he started dropping on his bed, well decided to finish catching up to the hours of sleep the ¡°Dorothy Affair¡± had cost him, when, as if controlled by the God of Chaos himself, RSMS switched to the first notes of Faust¡¯s ¡°Rise of the Black Raven¡±.


    ¡°AAAAAAH!! It was today! How could I forget?!¡±


    As if slapped by a bucket of cold water ¨C not that the temperature mattered much when slapped by a filled bucket ¨C , he tried to stop himself mid-fall, failed, tripped, and met the ground. Unfortunately, the carpet was in the living room, which didn¡¯t help, since he wasn¡¯t. It hurt.


    Stunned, with the record shop in mind, he made his way to the front-door, grabbing his keys on the way. He rushed outside, locked the door, and started to run towards the lift. A few seconds later, he rushed back to his flat, unlocked the door, went back inside, then back in his room. Less groggy, he, this time, remembered to put on clothes.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Minutes later, calmed and clad, with his WMP in hand, Nicolas was giving last-minute orders to a seemingly unconcerned black tom.


    ¡°Soldier McLeon! Keep the fort! I, general Sie-¡°


    ¡°Meow~ Who named you general?¡±


    ¡°Shut up recruit!¡±


    ¡°I still think I should be general.¡±


    ¡°Please¡­ I¡¯m sort of in a hurry. Just play along. Don¡¯t complicate the situation for the sake of being a pain.¡±


    ¡°You do know you are the one making this whole conversation up¡­ Do you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not that insane yet.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Good to hear you say it.¡±


    ¡°Now. Keep the fort! I, lieutenant Siegel, shall be out for a short while.¡±


    ¡°Whatever. I¡¯ll do a better job than you anyway, buffoon.¡±


    ¡°I said SHUT UP! Stop being disrespectful. You¡¯re not even talking. ¡­What am I doing? Anyway, I¡¯m off.¡±


    ¡°Meow.¡± ¨C That was actually the cat.


    Nicolas quickly checked he actually was wearing shoes, got out of the apartment, closed the door, locked it, took the lift, left the building, and started his ¡°long and perilous¡± trek towards the record store in the cold air of late January.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> As a quick reminder, as mentioned in the synopsis, Nicolas Siegel is Elric Walker¡¯s real name. Just to make things clear.


    <2> For those would don¡¯t know this masterpiece, please enlighten</a> yourself.


    <3> Not to praise myself, but I think Lautrek</a> is a good name for a dwarf painter.


    <hr />


    Soooo¡­ something special with this chapter?


    First, I want to apologize of some were trolled by the title. It ¨C mostly ¨C wasn¡¯t intentional


    (Every reader: Hypocritical asshole! ).


    Second, the obvious fact this was the first chapter to take place in real life. Some might think I¡¯m losing track of the plot again, but I think episodes outside the game are fundamental. Had I wanted to make a full fantasy, I would have worked on my second project, which was a reincarnation story. (For the time being, this one will stay in my ¡°idea folder¡±.) IRL chapters and UT ones will alternate in the future. Everything will be linked and have purpose though, so fear not.


    Next chapter will be the rest of this first IRL episode, and the introduction of an important character, then, starting chapter 13, Elric shall (finally) get in sight of the dark castle mentioned in chapter 1. Trust me, this took longer than I thought too, although 13 is a good number to reach a dark castle, no?


    On a side note, after some research on a way to describe Nicolas¡¯ (and therefore Elric¡¯s) mind, I finally found the following videos. Just imagine every character in these is a different thought, and you¡¯ll have a pretty good illustration.


    Usually:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    If the video doesn¡¯t work, click here</a>.


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Under the occasional caffeine rush:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    If the video doesn¡¯t work, click here</a>.


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    I also want to thank Kiyuta, author of Twisted Nerves</a> for giving me the idea of finding my characters theme songs.


    Anyway, as usual, thanks for reading and see you next chapter.


    (Gender Bender is getting close, I swear.)


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.12 – Lets Get Real, part 2

    Chapter 12 ¨C Let¡¯s Get Real


    Part 2


    ¡°To me, comedy is just twisting reality.


    It''s commenting or observing or twisting life.¡±


    ¨C Steven Wright


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    - Nicolas¡¯ PoV -


    After a¡­ well¡­ actually¡­ an insultingly short walk, or at least insulting to anyone who ever thought of walking as a sport ¨C some people are weeeird ¨C , Nicolas eventually arrived at his destination, namely the Holly Land, ¡°Tommy¡¯s Record Store¡±. The revered place was in fact barely more than two streets away from his serenity circle ¨C apartment ¨C , nothing warranting the twenty minutes he took to reach it, really. Rational as always, Nicolas harshly blamed his W-MP for the delay, because he set his pace to the rhythm of the music and, oddly enough, despite being set on ¡°random¡± ¨C of course ¨C , the device had obstinately refused to leave the ¡°classical slow¡± portion of his playlist.


    Obviously you¡¯re doing it on purpose, you over-expensive bastard¡­


    ¡°Tommy¡¯s¡± was a small neighbourhood store. The kind only know to locals. Not speaking about NPCs here. Although¡­ Could it be said that human beings were the NPCs of the real world? Was there a Plan, an Algorithm, a Great Programmer? Were people no more than sweaty lumps of flesh, fragile bags of bloody innards moved by uninterrupted flows of electrical data stocked in a squashy hard-disc called ¡°brain¡±? If so, were game NPCs less human than humans? Maybe¡­ since ¡°true¡± humans couldn¡¯t be modified at will. But didn¡¯t that mean NPCs were humans as long as no code-wielding nerd, playing God almighty, came to mess with their minds and bodies? And wasn¡¯t that only valid as long as the details of the Homo sapiens¡¯ genetic makeup, and the inner workings of their individual organic supercomputers remained clouded in mystery? Did that mean that humans were no more than NPCs, or that NPCs were as much as humans? Subtle twist in semantics, but earthquake from a philosophical standpoint.


    As Nicolas pushed open the windowed door of the shop, all these questions he didn¡¯t really care about were impertinently popping nonstop inside his head.


    HOOOOOOOO!!! SHUT UP! For the Pink Bridge of Cutesiness¡¯ sake! Stop messing up my brain. I think in there!


    *trilililing*


    A merry electronic carillon accompanied his glorious arrival in paradise, obnoxiously announcing his entrance for all customers to hear. Not that the latters were legions though.


    In one corner ¡°stood¡± ¨C more like ¡°fell in super slow-mo¡± ¨C  two jellylike hoodlums, who would probably trip right away if they ever as much as tried walking in those overly saggy pants. The wannabe thugs were checking the latest compilations in the dumpstomp rap section, moving their head up and down like retarded ostriches, and communicating amongst themselves through flabby ape-ish gesticulations, all the while approximately repeating, with less accuracy than a drunken parrot, the lyrics that their hidden headphones desperately tried to make understand to their dusty brains, which had probably long ago crumbled from disuse. A fascinating sight, from a zoological point of view. Nicolas didn¡¯t judge. Just disdainfully snorted.


    Next to them, leant against the wall, obviously bored ¡°outta¡± her almost-showing ass, was a heavily pierced girl ¨C hopefully vaccinated against tetanus ¨C with short, spiky, flashy, electric-blue hairs, wearing knee boots, a mini-mini-mini-skirt, and a minuscule breast belt Nicolas really hesitated to even dare call a top.


    Hoy¡­ Miss Metal-Head, aren¡¯t you cold? It¡¯s literally freezing out there, you know?


    Hearing the ringing sound, and thankfully not his thoughts, the barely clad female pin cushion had briefly turned her head towards the door, glanced over Nicolas, sighed in ennui, and then gone back to her meticulous observation of a dirty spot on the once-white ceiling.


    Got it. So I deserve less attention than unclean plywood, uh? Well, you¡¯re not my type either, voodoo doll. Don¡¯t need a girlfriend who¡¯d tilt each time she walks too close to a magnet. Seriously, what¡¯s with the attitude? I guess you were dragged here by the two half-wits convulsing over there, and I know I¡¯m no Elric, but still¡­ that¡¯s just rude.


    Nicolas was well aware his looks weren¡¯t exactly his strong point. Not that he was ¨C nor considered himself ¨C ugly, just¡­ average. Also, despite not caring much about people¡¯s opinion in general, he wasn¡¯t completely devoid of vanity, like any self-conscious normal human being would. Therefore, he hadn¡¯t hesitated to enhance a bit the appearance of his in-game avatar. Untold Tales actually allowed lots of liberties in the creation stage, with sex change and the limits of what was clinically possible as sole restrictions. Whatever race you chose, having a head five times the size of your chest wasn¡¯t a realistic option. That went for the opposite too. Without going too far, Nicolas had added to ¡°Elric¡± some muscles, as well as about twenty centimetres in height to reach a round two metres. He had also changed his hair colour from light brown to golden, and made his naturally green-blue a bit more icy and mysterious, he thought.


    Yasmin always said that he could have become quite handsome, if he simply put some effort into it.


    But who wouldn¡¯t? I mean, come on¡­ Isn¡¯t that the whole point of beauty salons?


    Back when she started, Nicolas had thought the girl was just flattering him. You know, the whole ¡°dating¡± thing. But she hadn¡¯t stopped even after their kinda-break-up, forcing him to revise his position. Only his position though, not his behaviour, and still no care went to his external aspect, apart from what he considered the bare minimum to avoid looking bad, and attracting attention. A bare minimum of which extend could vary greatly depending on his versatile mood.


    Now that Nicolas thought back at their short time as sorta-lovers, to be honest, they had ever made a very convincing couple. Mostly because Yasmin and him, along with her brother Daniel, had known each other since childhood. Being around, she had consoled him after the whole ¡°Jenny Fiasco¡±, which naturally had led to the two becoming somewhat ¡°closer¡±. However, neither of them had really known how to properly take it to the next level. She was a martial arts addict, Nicolas was¡­ well¡­ Nicolas, and, despite what some might think, great sex ¨C the martial artist had truly shined there ¨C wasn¡¯t enough to build a long-lasting ¨C sane ¨C couple relationship. Nicolas truly needed some sanity to hang on to, once in a while. Thus, after two months of constantly falling back into their habitual friendly routine, but spread with a thick layer of uncomfortable awkwardness, they both had tacitly agreed to stop forcing themselves.


    Tsh. Who the hell said the ¡°osananajimi route¡± <1> was always the best shot? Moron. Anyway, we tried, we failed, we¡¯re still good. Was worth a try. It would have been on my mind forever otherwise. And God knows I don¡¯t need more stuff in there. I know, right? Told you so. We didn¡¯t saw her much since I started exploring that shitty country though¡­ Let¡¯s ask Daniel on Monday at school. ¡­ Although I doubt those battle crazy siblings could be anything else than ¡°super-over-fine¡±. ¡­ Well, I guess being politely concerned couldn¡¯t hurt.


    Sweeping across the store, Nicolas¡¯ eyes fell upon the fourth and last costumer, a lone girl quietly browsing the classical records, whose appearance immediately brought an adjective to the young man¡¯s mind.


    Nerdy¡­


    Not the vulgar, excessive, fashionably nerdy borderline slutty hipster carving for attention ¨C amongst other things ¨C kind. No. The legit article. Certified purebred, reared in library. Thick rectangular glasses, black shoulder-length hair with long bangs, woollen greyish turtleneck, standard jeans, mostly hidden face, unremarkable chest, and timid attitude. Nicolas guessed her younger than twenty, and around one-sixty in height. She moved in fast, precise, and silent gestures, visibly trying not to be noticed by the two epileptic hoodies, at which she glanced nervously every now and then. Nicolas smirked as a weird image formed in his mind, picturing a little shrew with glasses tensely gathering nuts next to a pair of brain-damaged hooded hyenas, while an uncaring blue porcupine was stupidly staring at a nearby mossy rock.


    Thou who stands here before Us, I name thee ¡°Shy Girl number 1¡±. Haha. Poor thing, she¡¯s so preoccupied by these two errors of societal evolution that it seems she hasn¡¯t even heard that loud crappy synthetized carillon¡­ So clich¨¦¡­ So scared¡­ So cute¡­


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Hoy. My thoughts sounded very creepy just now. Get a grip man.


    Despite his mental self-call to order, Nicolas¡¯ derisive, clinical, and vaguely sadistic smile broadened further.


    People¡­


    He didn¡¯t really like to deal with them, but human beings were so much fun to observe. Rarely would creatures of other species display such fascinating behavioural disparities among themselves. Truly interesting.


    As the mad-scientist-minded, slightly psychotic, young man was indulging in his captivated interest for these two extremes of the social spectrum, who were coincidentally brought in the same place by a similar desire for musical entertainment, like both predators and preys ineluctably gather near the same watering hole, he was suddenly snapped back to reality when a impudent dreadlocked mole intruded in-between the shrew and the hyenas, raised a paw, and called out to him.


    ¡°Hey, Nic¡¯! I awaited you sooner, man. You¡¯re a bit late, you know? My stocks have already been plundered.¡±


    Professor Siegel, unlicensed anthro-zoologist, immediately focused on the specimen of talking talpidae, apparently emerging from behind a wooden counter at the back of the store, and exclaimed a very instinctual:


    ¡°WHAT?!¡±


    The mol- short black man again quickly raised his pa- hand to calm down his customer/friend.


    ¡°Relax man. I knew you¡¯d come. You can¡¯t live without my stuff anyway. So I kept you some of your dope aside.¡±


    He flashed a knowing wicked smile, then reached inside his coat ¨C looking like a long coat on short him ¨C , and took out a plastic sleeve he showed his addicted regular.


    ¡°FAAAAUST!!¡±


    Shouting, Nicolas rushed to the music dealer and briefly hugged his low head over the counter.


    ¡°Henry, my man! You¡¯re such a bro.¡±


    ¡°How! Peace¡­ Calm yourself, man. Don¡¯t spill your withdrawal symptoms all over me.¡±


    ¡°Oh, you were down there? Sorry.¡±


    Nicolas retorted mockingly while playing with an album that had mysteriously appeared in his hands.


    ¡°Hey! When did you¡­ No, never mind. And you¡¯re the one who¡¯s too tall.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think one metre seventy-eight is that much these days. Right, shorty?¡±


    Grumbling, the other jumped backwards, and sat on his high stool, which made him look even shorter. The sight never failed to amuse Nicolas.


    Henry was the owner. Tommy Devon ¨C ¡°Tommy¡± like in ¡°Tommy¡¯s Record Store¡± ¨C had been his great-great-grandfather. Surprisingly, this little run-down shop had in fact quite the history. Nicolas had discovered the place right after moving to the city, and had quickly developed a teasing friendship with its slightly vertically challenged owner. Not his was to the level of dwarfism though. Just enough for Nicolas to comfortably use the man¡¯s shoulder as an armrest when both standing.


    ¡°Anyway, thanks again Henry. I¡¯m quite busy these days, and I really didn¡¯t want to hunt one of theses down throughout the city.¡±


    ¡°Busy? You? Man, come on. Not to me... What would you have to do beside playing UT ¡®these days¡¯? And, no need for thanks. I can do at least that much.¡± He grinned, then added: ¡°I wouldn¡¯t like you leaving me alone, and losing half of my coil.¡±


    Nicolas replied in an exaggeratedly outraged voce:


    ¡°Oh! Is that sooo¡­ I¡¯m offended! Do you only see me as income? Besides, I¡¯m not that addicted to music.¡±


    ¡°My books say otherwise.¡±


    ¡°Nonsense! If I was that desperate, I would just download it like everyone else.¡±


    ¡°Everyone with a major in programming, you mean? I don¡¯t know from which hole did the govs unearth the bad bwai who designed the last marine-software, this ¡®Tea Spoon¡¯, but the guy must have worked for the NASA before or something¡­ And why ¡®Tea Spoon¡¯, anyway?!¡±


    ¡°No idea. Besides, the government might just have asked Whatever for help.¡±


    ¡°That too¡­ damn.¡±


    ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be glad about this? Your pay check rides on the stuff.¡±


    ¡°Mmmhincomegrbletopoorthrgra¡­.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t quite catch that.¡±


    ¡°You still need to pay me for the CD.¡±


    ¡°Riiiight¡­ Change the subject. Cheer up, and run away! That¡¯s so you.¡±


    ¡°Maybe, but I¡¯m still not the one who took a stalagmite up the a-¡±


    ¡°RIIIIIGHT! ¡­I never should have told you about that.¡±


    Mumbling in discontent and self-reprimand, Nicolas took the exact amount out of his pocket, and gave it to Henry, who took it while mumbling too. They probably looked a bit strange, but it not like many where there to observe them anyway, nor did either of them care much about their image.


    However, unwilling to end the discussion on such a poor note, Nicolas added a random question that had been on his mind since the beginning of the conversation:


    If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.¡°Why Rasta?¡±


    ¡°Because it¡¯s Reggae Week, man.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Seems legit¡­ Must be another wig though. Not sure I ever saw this guy¡¯s real hair.


    Without giving any more explanation about what the hell ¡°Reggae Week¡± was supposed to be, Rasta-Henry looked over Nicolas¡¯ shoulder, seemingly surprised. He then lowered his head, forcing his interlocutor to literally bend in two get to his level, and whispered conspiringly, with a suspicious grin revealing his yellowish teeth.


    ¡°You should get going, man. You wouldn¡¯t want to make your little fan girl over there wait for too long, would you?¡±


    Fan girl?


    Nicolas showed the shop owner a perplexed face. He then slowly turned around, following the man¡¯s gaze, and finally ended up frankly staring at the aforementioned ¡°fan girl¡± without an ounce of discretion, nor tact. Not that Nerdy Ichiban appeared to notice his yet blatant actions though. Unfazed, she kept looking straight at him, a dreamy smile floating on her lips, while clutching her hands around the jacket of a ¡°Republication of Rachmaninov¡¯s Greatest Pieces¡±.


    You have good tastes, Miss Turtleneck. I won¡¯t deny you that. But could you please show some reaction when someone glares at you like you just entered a church riding naked on a zebu chanting odds to Satan? You or the zebu, doesn¡¯t matter who¡¯s chanting. But I¡¯m side-tracking again¡­ Am I not obvious enough? Because I usually am.


    However, she continued to show no acknowledgement of his attention whatsoever, lost in her own little world, visibly happy for some reason known only to her, much to the growing concern of the other assumed nutcase in front.


    O-kaaaay¡­ You¡¯re starting to creep me out now. Even I would have noticed by now¡­ God. What¡¯s with my bad luck with rodents recently¡­ Stop that, Glasses Shrew. Stop. Now.


    In desperation, Nicolas took a few steps forwards, and waved both hands two centimetres away from her face, upon which she finally seemed to wake up.


    Ah! Welcome to Earth, my name is Nicolas, an earthling. Did you come in peace, oh bizarre ambassador of planet Nerdia?


    The girl¡¯s smile suddenly vanished, her eyes went wide, and she abruptly turned on her heel, rushing out of the store.


    Mmmmmh¡­ Interesting. Why would she do that? Although, on second thought, calling out to her before shoving my palms into her nose might have been a better course of action.


    Shrugging it off, Nicolas looked back at Henry, an eyebrow raised:


    ¡°Did she just leave without paying?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, she did. Leave her. She¡¯ll be back. She¡¯s a regular too. Although not a pathological one like you.¡±


    ¡°Shut up. What¡¯s her problem?¡±


    ¡°Dunno. I don¡¯t pry in my costumers¡¯ private affairs. Rule of the house. Although I can say she¡¯s never been talkative, nor very communicative in any way for that matter.¡± He shrugged and raised both hands in helplessness. ¡°Maybe she¡¯s mute and hung up about it?¡±


    ¡°Riiight¡­ Well, why not¡­ By the way, how come you never mentioned that little rule of yours when prying into my personal affairs?¡±


    ¡°Haha. But Nic¡¯, you¡¯re not a customer anymore by this point. You¡¯re almost a business partner, you know? That¡¯s research, man. Research, I tell you.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ whatever you say. Anyway see you¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­soon.¡±


    Nicolas addressed Henry some vague obscene gesture, and left the shop. On his way to the door, he glanced at Piercing Girl, whose gaze still switched perplexingly back and forth between him and the door, through which Spooky Nerd took off earlier. She seemed to have difficulties understanding what just happened.


    Yeah¡­ Steel bars through the brain don¡¯t do much good in accelerating the thought process. Experience talking. Bye bye, morning star <2>. Be careful of Magneto.


    And he got out.


    *trilililing*


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Back to his apartment, Nicolas changed into indoor clothes, then entered his room, and took a quick nap. His thoughts still oddly preoccupied by his recent encounter of the nerd kind, he had forgotten to listen to his newly acquired album, and distractedly put it in the backpack he used to for school.


    Waking up a few hours later, he noticed there still was some time left before his appointed meeting with the Elder of Kansas. He thus sat down on the couch, pushing the still sleeping McLeon aside, and turned on his laptop. The first thing he did, as usual, was checking out the auction site.


    ¡®Just ask, and Elric will give you anything you want¡¯, ¡®The Wandering Knight is all passion for adventure, and no greed¡¯, ¡®The Sage of the Wild is a benevolent being without desire for the material world¡¯, those statements were recognized truths amongst the adventurers of the Pandore Continent, contributing to Elric¡¯s fame and popularity.


    Yeah¡­ right.


    Nicolas chuckled.


    True, he was pretty generous, but that didn¡¯t make him an advocate of poverty, nor a saint, for the cause. He often gave away precious items, recipes, or secrets for free, when other would ask quite a lot for them, but that didn¡¯t mean everything he found was gifted away. There was always stuff too dangerous to make public, or simply things the Reckless Imbecile wanted for himself, the latter ranging from useful items and ancient spells, to funny junk and farting cookies.


    After this preliminary sorting, Elric would go through his ¡°grocery list¡±, and fulfil the ¡°orders¡± he got from various players, placing his friends¡¯ and acquaintances¡¯ demands first, of course. But even then, there always were some leftovers, which Nicolas sold online. After all, he wasn¡¯t one to spit on some pocket money. As a result, and since his only current spending were for food, music, occasional caprices, and divers inconsequential expenses, his bank account had been satisfyingly and steadily filling itself over the past five months.


    Next, he browsed the various forums of UT¡¯s official website. Elric hadn¡¯t posted often recently.


    Well, there¡¯s only so much people want to know about undead, anyway. Apart from Chess, there still aren¡¯t many noteworthy necros around either. I wonder what the guy¡¯s doing. He¡¯d love Erwyn. Not going to tell him though. That weirdo gives me the creeps.


    Spotting a cooking thread, Nicolas wrote a quick warning about the explosive properties of the chicken-onion mix, and then suggested the use of a hang-glider to a newbie in search of a melee weapon.


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Beginners¡¯ armoury. Questions, advices¡­ Trolls shall be banned! (Pg. 727 of 727)</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Kiki Pentakill</td><td colspan=''3''> XD! Come on, man, don¡¯t be such a troll! </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">John Wildman</td><td colspan=''3''> WOOOOOOOOO! He¡¯s gonna send the enemies flying! </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Patrick LOLXD</td><td colspan=''3''> Seriously, it¡¯s not nice to make fun of newbies.  </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Cesare Roumanian Emperor</td><td colspan=''3''> Like your one to talk. Moron. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gram ArNah¡¯zi</td><td colspan=''3''> *you¡¯re </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Cecily Cambell</td><td colspan=''3''> HEY! Wiat! ¡°Elric Walker¡±, isn¡¯t that the Wandering Knight?8!! </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Luke Ainsworth (OP)</td><td colspan=''3''> Oh¡­ Right! Elric! Saviour of the Noobs! Thanks again for last time!


    ¡­but, seriously? Hang-glider? </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric Walker</td><td colspan=''3''> Try being trashed by an ice witch wielding one, and then tell me it can¡¯t be used as a weapon.


    (And do I know you?) </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower682</td><td colspan=''3''> MAAAAAAAAAASTEEEEER!!!!! You got killed again? </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower544</td><td colspan=''3''> Elric-sama!!!!!!!!!!!!! You¡¯re back!


    Should I go beat that witch, or kiss her? Or both? In which order? </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower807</td><td colspan=''3''> GLORY TO ELRIC! *trumpet* </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower78</td><td colspan=''3''> Oh, Sage of the Wild, please bestow us with Your word! </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower1</td><td colspan=''3''> I hear You, my Lord, I shall forsake my sword for a hang-glider right this instant!</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower259</td><td colspan=''3''> Hail Elric! And hello too you to, High Priest.</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower1</td><td colspan=''3''> Hello, my son. You too, heed the word of God, and follow the way of hang-glider mastery. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower259</td><td colspan=''3''> I shall, High Priest. And I shall also alter my regimen to chicken and onions starting today.</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower1</td><td colspan=''3''> Thou are a true believer, my son. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower666</td><td colspan=''3''> Muhahahahaha!!!! Hang-gliders, chickens and onions shall rule the underworld! </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Luke Ainsworth (OP)</td><td colspan=''3''> You guys are so banned¡­</td></tr></tbody></table>


    The thread was surprisingly lively. Which was a good thing overall. Although, Nicolas wasn¡¯t such a fan of that new function the programmers had added. To ¡°subscribe¡± to another user, and be informed whenever he posted something was indeed useful. True. However, since its implementation, Elric had been virtually stalked by dozens of fanatics. He really hoped those were just your average organised trolls, because they had started getting creepy as of late, gathering hundreds of members, and turning into some sort of underground cult.


    Honestly, I¡¯m a tad scared¡­ but if seeing hordes of players roam the land wielding hang-gliders and smelling like onion is at that price, I think I can endure.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Done with his daily compulsory socializing, the modern-times hermit closed his laptop, and glanced at the moon, which was displaying a glowing six o''clock.


    Almost time...


    ¡°HOY! Rise and shine fatass!¡±


    And he kicked the cat out of his slumber. The wakened humongous beast rolled out of the couch, attempted a mid-air recovery, failed, and ¨C mirroring his kinda-master''s earlier feat ¨C facegrounded, with carpet this time. Sneezing and shaking his furry head, McLeaon sat up, assumed an overly dignified pose, and glare fiercely at the human in the room.


    ¡°Ya saw nothin''!¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°Good...¡±


    The threatening feline then looked away, and calmly walked up to the balcony windoor, which Nicolas then opened for him.


    McLeon, now Bruce McLeon, always spent all his nights out. He would only show up in the morning, eat, and then slouch around all day.


    Honey, I think our son''s going down the wrong path... What did we do wrong?


    ¡°Young tom, you should know that your imaginary mother and I are utterly discontent about your unbecoming behav- Hey! Come back here! Ungrateful brat! Listen to your not-father when he''s nonsensically soliloquizing!! Damn... f''cking ingrate.¡±


    *sigh*


    After closing the door, Nicolas strapped himself back in his SM dentist chair.


    Now, let''s see what that creepy Elder has in store for my idiotically reckless self... Oh. Right. Thinking of creepy... What was WRONG with that girl, again?! Seriously. It bothers me. And I''m sure I saw her somewhere before!


    ¡±Well¡­ Probably at the store... probably... Henry did say she was a regular. But I would remember, right?   So somewhere else? Mmmmh... That''s weird. I''ll have to investigate. Yes. Sounds fun. Hehehehe...¡±


    Laughing suspiciously, the aspiring stalk- inspector, laid back on his gaming seat, set it in horizontal mode, and closed his eyes.


    ¡°Untold Tales. Log In¡±.


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C


    <1> Osananajimi = childhood friend (Never watched an anime?)


    <2> Just for info: morning star</a>.


    <hr />


    And that¡¯s it for the first IRL episode. Your thoughts? Suggestions are welcomed as always.


    Please comment, rate, and go buy a hang-glider.


    Really, not much to say here.


    As usual, thanks for reading, and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.13 – More than meets the eye

    Chapter 13 ¨C More than meets the eye


    ¡° Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.¡±


    ¨C Wizard, The Wizard of Oz


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C


    Six days before breakdown, afternoon¡­ around four in fact. (IGT)


    Elric ¡°woke up¡±.  He had logged in early. His appointment with the Elder wasn¡¯t before at least another two hours. However, the Big Brother had planned to tell his proper goodbyes to his newfound NPC family. After all, this latest rash adventure of his might end up taking some times. Even more so if he were to die in the process, thus having to wait four days before reviving, and all the way back in Ashen at that, from where he had barely any idea how to rapidly reach the hidden Kansas. Especially since school started again in less than two real days, and with it its obvious reduction of available gaming time¡­ Except if he skipped class¡­ Which Nicolas did. A lot. But that was beside the point. Nevertheless, given the overly suspicious nature of the old creep¡¯s pseudo-explanations, dying only once somehow appeared to be the best outcome the Reckless Imbecile could hope for.


    Why did I agree again? Talk about walking into an Elephant Trap¡­ Oh! But the old man said something about a princess, not a queen¡­ I still feel like a sacrificial pawn though. Or am I White¡¯s knight? Is the Sun white? White is, after all, all the colours combined, which the sun emits. Does that mean that white is actually condensed rainbow¡­ Which is why unicorns are WHITE!!! YESSSS!!!! I AM A GENIUS!! MOUHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaaaa¡­ ¡­ Anyway, maybe I should have just Declined? Damn. I¡¯m no good at chess. <1> Probably because I always sucked at thinking ahead, even by myself¡­ So let¡¯s not mention my disastrous past attempts at reading my opponent¡¯s moves. Haha. I really don¡¯t see myself God of Disboard any time soon. I¡¯m more Natsu than Sora anyway, or Shiro for that matter¡­ Except I¡¯ve no problem with transports. Besides, Shiro is a girl! Which I¡¯m not. I think¡­ Although, they do have overactive brains, out-of-the-box thinking, and a general dislike for social interaction¡­ Or do they? Oh. Whatever. Planning ahead is a pain anyway. <2>


    Already losing himself in thoughts, the unstrategic knight got up. Or tried to do so? Surprised by an unexpected feeling of restriction, he finally opened his eyes¡­ and noticed the ropes.


    Oh, shi-


    In panic, he raised his head, just in time to catch glimpse of an incoming twin-tailed diving missile.


    *Wheeeeeeeeeez* ¡°AHUMPFFFFFfffff¡­¡±


    Target acquired, neutralized, and hit, SIR! Complete annihilation confirmed, SIR! None of the Somachians should have survived, SIR! ¡­ Aouch.


    In the aftermath of a devastating Double-Knee ¡°Imouto¡± Stomachbreaker, Elric forced himself to push aside his pain and focus on the young aspirant wrestler straddling his mistreated belly.


    ¡°Listen, Dorothy. Ropes are a bit too¡­¡±


    His tentative lecture was cut short when Elric noticed the girl¡¯s lack of smile and wet cheeks. Obviously, she had recently been crying. The sight made his blood boil and flow backwards.


    WHO WAS IT?! Who DARED made ma cute Lil¡¯ Sis sad?! Yer dead, moron. Nobody messes with MA Sis! ¡­ Wait, still one thing though¡­


    ¡°Dorothyyy, sweetheart,¡± Elric continued in a soft, prudent tone, ¡°did your mother perhaps teach you things an underage, pure and innocent child, you for example, really shouldn¡¯t know?¡±


    The child in question shook her head in response.


    ¡°Then¡­ is this¡± he pointed the bondage setup with his eyes ¡°your own idea?¡±


    *nod*


    Ooo-kaaay. Now, should I be glad Mistress Martha didn¡¯t try to turn her own daughter into a Siberian dominatrix, or scared to death by her increasingly worrisome streak of dangerous random initiatives¡­ I wonder who she got this from?


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    For spreading Its influence, and corrupting the youth, Chaos rewards you.


    +2 Luck


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    You have been abnormally active these days, haven¡¯t You? Are You bored or something? Or is it like the advertisement before a film you really want to watch? *mental sigh* What am I doing? ¡­ Little Sis, don¡¯t become a scary woman. Please always remain Solar Onii-chan¡¯s little ray of sunshine.


    Clearing his throat, the vaguely appalled doting Elric quickly added:


    ¡°Thennn¡­ Could I perhapseventuallymaybe know the possible, perfectly rational reasons behind this?¡±


    Seriously, Dorothy, what the fuck?!


    The little girl seemed hesitant to answer, her reddened eyes shying away from her Big Brother. The tied-up young man didn¡¯t say anything however, quietly waiting for her to decide talking on her own. If experience had thought something to the Wandering Knight, it was never to be pushy with a woman, especially when she had you restrained with ropes in a confined space while siting upon you.


    The places life takes you sometimes¡­


    Eventually, Dorothy stopped wriggling around ¨C Thank God. It was beginning to get awkward¡­ and wrong for so many reasons.  I really don¡¯t want Martha to walk in on us right now. ¨C and she replied by another question:


    ¡°Big Brother, are you leaving?¡±


    ¡°¡­Yes, I am. But probably not for long. I¡¯ll be back. Don¡¯t worry. I¡¯m strong, you know? Haha. Nothing can stop your Big Borther!¡±


    Well¡­ only as long as no crazy woman is involved. Let¡¯s hope this ¡°Immortal¡± Princess is at least sane. Haha. Who wouldn¡¯t after staying alone for centuries in an inaccessible castle surrounded by a thick wall of Warpstone? <3> God¡­ Please let it not be warpstone¡­ And why is it always women? Ah! No. Master too¡­ and Chess¡­ riiight. But again, that guy is sort of¡­ kinda¡­ uuugh.


    *shiver*


    Dorothy still looked worried though.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine,¡± he reassuringly added. ¡°Adventurers can¡¯t die. I told you, right? Your Onii-chan is immortal! I might be away for some time, but I¡¯ll come back. I swear.¡±


    She seemed to ease up a bit, so Elric innocently asked:


    ¡°By the way, who told you?


    ¡°The Elder arrived earlier. He said he has to take you somewhere, and that I wouldn¡¯t be able to s-see you for a-a whi-ile.¡± She swallowed a sob.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    You¡¯re so dead, old man. Why couldn¡¯t you dried piece of shit just wait for me at you damn crumbling pile of logs?! Uh!? Screw me all you want, wannabe Rumpelstiltskin, I¡¯ll enjoy it, and even laugh it off with you. But you don¡¯t make the rare people I really care about cry for NO FUCKING REASON!! Nobody. Never. ESPECIALLY my little cute budding mad scientist¡­ You¡¯re crossing the line, old crook. Careful, one more misstep, and I end you, whatever race of OP archdemon you might be under that wrinkled skin of yours.


    Taking a half-serious grim resolution, the Wandering Knight focused back on the saddened girl.


    ¡°It¡¯s true, Little Sis. There¡¯s something Big Brother need, and the old bast- man will show me where I can get it.¡±


    ¡­ Or so he said, at least. Bastard.


    ¡°And Big Brother will be back?¡±


    ¡°I will.¡±


    ¡°¡­promise?¡±


    ¡°Promise.¡±


    ¡°Pinky Swear?¡±


    Aaaaaaaaaw~ I want to eat you sweetie. Although¡­


    ¡°Of course, Little Sis. But it¡¯ll be a tad difficult, if you don¡¯t untie me first~¡±


    Not that I find this situation that uncomf- *mental cough*


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Tehe~ Sorry~¡±


    ¡°Hahaha~¡±


    ¡°Hihihi~¡±


    ¡°Hahaha~¡±


    ¡°Hihihi~¡±


    ¡°Haha~¡±


    ¡°Hihi~¡±


    ¡°Untie me.¡±


    ¡°R-R-Right a-away!¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Truth be told, Elric could have ripped the cords apart with brute strength, Hulk-style, but he was fundamentally against destroying quality material for the sole purpose of showing off. Therefore, it took more than half an hour to free him. After all, childish improvised knots were a real nightmare to loosen.


    It could have taken much less time, actually, if the scatterbrain had earlier recalled he knew some knot-untying magic. He wasn¡¯t entirely at fault though. The in-game interface included a list of known spells, of course. But even then, the Knowledgeable¡¯s repertoire was so full of odd miscellaneous enchants that the feature was virtually useless. And remembering by heart hundreds of half-useless incantations was hardly possible, even with a fully functional brain, which wasn¡¯t entirely the case here.


    The duo of thoughtless siblings eventually got out of the bedroom, Elric carrying the little Dorothy in his arms. Upon entering the kitchen, the embarrassed knight addressed a polite nod of greetings to Martha, standing there in her ever so out-of-place pink apron. Then he sat at the table, with the girl on his lap, and both were gifted with a large cup of unfriendly-looking purple bubbling beverage, no doubt the latest culinary abomination committed by Jack the Cooker.


    Dorothy immediately reached for hers, however Elric swiftly snatched the fuming mug out of her hands, lifted it to his lips, and blew softly on the unidentified substance until it stopped boiling, before giving it back. He wasn¡¯t sure it would do much about the actual toxicity of the content, but at least Dorothy¡¯s insides were at no risk of melting from the sheer heat. He once more perplexedly wondered how the kid survived all those years of being fed untested acids and neurotoxic mixtures. Unaware of her Big Brother concern, Dorothy the Invulnerable was currently cutely holding the container with both hands, while blissfully gulping the liquid radioactive waste.


    Trying his best to hide his terror, Elric smiled thankfully at Martha, who just stared back mercilessly. After a quick prayer to the God of Chaos ¨C when in need, better ask a god who had proved to be listening at least from time to time, even a stalker one ¨C , the resigned death-sentenced then emptied his own mug in one go, slammed it down on the table, and quickly grabbed the wooden furniture to stop his fall. As the slimy burning fluid sluggishly crawled down his throat, he could almost hear his oesophagus scream in agony, feel his recently over-abused stomach¡¯s literal attempt to flee, and sense his powerless intestines tremble in fearful anticipation.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been severely [Poisoned].


    You are sustaining poisoning damages over time.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been severely [Burned].


    Stolen story; please report.You are sustaining burning damages over time.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have ingested a corrosive substance.


    You are sustaining internal damages over time.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Title!


    For having voluntarily, and in full knowledge of the facts, ingested several highly toxic aliments over a short period of time, you gained the title: [Suicidal Food Tester]


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Immunity] has levelled up.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Poison (Nature)] (MA) has levelled up.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos thanks you for calling and thinks you¡¯re an idiot.


    +1 Luck


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Fuck you Chaos¡­ And, the magical affinity levelled up too?! Wow¡­ So Martha¡¯s skills are so bad that her preparations are considered a form of poisoning magic by the system!? God.


    Sweating and shivering, the poisoned knight oriented his blurry vision in the general direction of the fourth person in the room, finally acknowledging the presence of the Elder. To his annoyance, the blond spot appeared to be nodding in praise.


    ¡°My my, young one, I see you hold your hot chocolate pretty well.¡±


    So THAT¡¯s what it was supposed to be¡­ Wait. How is that even possible?! No, that¡¯s not the point.


    Elric tentatively kept his face stoic, and directed his fierce glare somewhere slightly right of the Elder¡¯s head, before declaring in his most deadpan voice:


    ¡°You¡¯re early, old mahargrlugrlh¡­¡±


    His short sentence, which had yet well started, unfortunately ended up in a fit of gargling gory coughs.


    ¡°Kekeke. Are you alright, sonny? You have some blood on the chin. Kekeke. To answer your interrogation, remember you are not alone in this house. I had some important matters to discuss with Martha. Besides, you are the one who is a little earlier than expected.¡±


    Wiping his chin, the FUCK-YOU-ASSHOLE-OF-COURSE-I-AM-NOT-ALRIGHT knight got himself together. Straightaway giving up on detoxification magic, he discreetly mumbled a healing spell to deal directly with the sustained damages, before letting out a prudent:


    ¡°Is that so?¡±


    ¡°Indeed it is¡±, the other curtly replied.


    And it¡¯s none of my business, right? You¡¯re starting to show your true colours, ¡°Elder¡±.


    ¡°Shall we get going then, nameless one ?¡±


    ¡°Kekeke. Such haste drives the youth. PATIENCE! Patience you must have, young one, if you want to face the dark forces.¡±


    Nevertheless, the man still stood up, while adding:


    ¡°Yes. Kekeke. Patience¡­ You will probably need it.¡±<4>


    Okay. Now, if you¡¯re planning on playing it cryptic all the way to Jedi Master, why not just spill the beans right here, right now, and be done with it?! Uh?! Thanks for holding the of the car open for me with a rotten salesman smile, but I know I¡¯m not costumer, I¡¯m the freaking crash dummy! I¡¯m already aware of dumbly walking into some kind of trap, so why do you insist on¡­ Oh! Dorothy? Riiight. Martha doesn¡¯t seem to react much¡­ well, she never does but¡­ So I guess I¡¯m right to assume Little Sis is the only one who¡¯s out of the loop in this fishy village? ¡­and Dennis too, I guess.


    Lowering his gaze towards the young girl on his lap, Elric affectionately patted her head. She looked up, surprised by his sudden action, and seemed about to say something, but he silenced her with a finger on her lips. He then reiterated his promise to come back as soon as possible, picked her up, lowered her on the neighbouring stool, and stood up to follow the Elder out.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Stepping outside, Elric remembered he had yet to thank Martha for her hospitality ¨C or at least for providing him a roo¡­ closet, and a be¡­ matrass, not to speak of the horrendous cooking¡­ anyway¡­ ¨C and he spun on place to face the woman. Well, he did. During his short walk to the door, she had silently crept behind his back, and therefore seemingly materialized, nearly on his toes, when he turned around. The knight¡¯s already laboriously beating heart almost definitively gave up from the shock.


    ¡°AAAaah. Eeeeh¡­ Miss Martha, thank y-¡°


    Abruptly drawing closer, the woman shut him up with a kiss¡­ on the forehead, a terrifying act that obviously left Elric speechless. The sight of the Ice Goddess suddenly closing up the distance, reaching for his neck, and dragging him down with a murderous glare ¨C well, in truth, she even looked at toasts like they killed her lover or something ¨C , had been one of the scariest experiences in the reckless knight¡¯s life. On the other hand, he was slowly getting used to often re-evaluate his definition of ¡°scary¡± since he met the woman.


    After releasing him from her grasp, the absurdly strong professional axe-wielder continued to wordlessly stare straight in his eyes.


    Aaaaand, we just reached a new level of fright, ladies and gentlemen¡­ Oh, she¡¯s talking.


    ¡°No need for thanks, Sir Walker. You saved my daughter. It is me who is forever indebted to you, and I am ashamed to have nothing of equal value I could offer you in return. Were they mine to give, I would gladly offer you my allegiance, my blade, and my life. However those are long pledged, and not even death could break the vows I took that day. Instead, I want you to know, as long as you hold a place in your heart for this village long forgotten by people and Time, this house, and everything in it, is forever yours.¡±


    She then gave him a slight but prolonged bow, hand on her chest, like she did on the night Elric finally unlocked Dorothy long sealed heart.


    Stunned by her actions, out-of-character-ly long speech, grimly solemn tone, and odd choice of words, the frozen young man couldn¡¯t even nod in reply.


    Without waiting for him to recover, Martha straightened her bust, and turned towards the Elder, who had been patiently waiting a few steps away, leaning on his cane, a bittersweet smile floating on his lips, then she once more slightly bowed, and spoke, but with deep deference this time.


    ¡°Please, my liege, grant me some more time. I shall have a talk with Dorothy.¡±


    Glancing in puzzlement at the old man, Elric shivered at the cold light he saw flickering in his golden eyes, before a sudden aura of power and command struck the unprepared knight, compelling him to lower his head, and kneel in the face of unfathomable strength. It didn¡¯t last long though, no more than a few fleeting seconds, barely enough for the wrinkled lord to reply his vassal¡¯s plea with a sharp affirmative nod, then the pressure vanished, releasing the flabbergast young man.


    Reacting like an actor in a well-rehearsed play, with precise gestures forged by long habit, a seemingly unfazed Martha addressed the oppressive ancient a short curt military salute, before turning heels and stepping back inside.


    Looking wide-eyed at the two villagers he had rubbed shoulders with for two weeks, the Wandering Knight felt cold sweat flow down his spine, which hadn¡¯t anything to do with his recent poisoning.


    Who are these people, really?


    As the door closed, right before the wooden panel had completely shut, Elric still perceived a whisper coming from inside.


    ¡°Goodbye, Sir Walker, and pardon, for everything.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> I apologize for this obscure technical reference here¡­ Basically, the Elephant Trap is a common variation of the Queen¡¯s Gambit Declined. I think I remember it normally starts with White offering a sacrificial pawn, which is then declined by Black, who in turn sets up a trap that, if successful, ends up costing both the players their queen and a bishop, but also enables Black to take one of his opponent¡¯s knight while exposing the white king¡­ I think¡­ Please do not quote me on that. I¡¯m no good at chess. This is just some random knowledge I heard, and I found the joke funny¡­


    <2> Cf. No Game No Life</a>. Excellent anime. Waiting for season 2. Love the opening:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    If the video doesn¡¯t work, click here</a>.


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    (But you should at least have heard of it, given that all this website revolves around, aside from reincarnation, is world deportation and games.)


    Oh¡­ and Natsu is from Fairy Tail, obviously.


    <3> Warhammer anyone? Well, for those who don¡¯t know, the warpstone</a> is basically solidified Chaos. It¡¯s usually depicted as green, but, being a chaotic element, the colour really doesn¡¯t matter. Wouldn¡¯t it be fun if the Emerald City of Oz was in fact entirely made of the stuff? That would explain sooo much.


    <4> Maybe the Elder is planning to force Elric to read this FF?


    <hr />


    Well¡­ One thing I swear never to do in the future, is to promise something is going to happen in the next chapter before having actually written said next chapter.


    Therefore, I promise you, Elric shall arrive in Nowhere next chapter. I mostly cut this one into two after typing the draft, because I thought it already was too long for my tastes, even before my final correction. Final ¡°correction¡± in which I always end up adding at least 25% more text¡­


    OH! And Tales of the Blood Princess passed the threshold of 1k average views! Keep up the good work!


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Haha¡­ I never watched Evangelion¡­


    Anyway, as usual, I thank you very much for putting up with my criminally slow pace ¨C not that it¡¯s likely to change any time soon¡­ ¨C and I¡¯m out to put the finishing touch to chapter fourteen.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.14 – Crepuscule

    Chapter 14 ¨C Crepuscule


    ¡°I¡¯ll be back!¡±


    ¨C The Terminator.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Six days before breakdown, late afternoon (IGT)


    Shadows lengthened as the sun initiated its imperceptible descent to the low horizon, shadows of houses and trees, not people, except for two solitary silhouettes stretching on the dirt of the main street. Birds perched on rooftops let their cries echoed through the eerie silence, otherwise broken only by the faint creaking of badly closed shutters, behind which hid uneasy faces. A slight gale rose twirling clouds of dust, and tension hang heavily in the air. Only were missing some rolling tumbleweed, and the spooky harmonica background, and one wouldn¡¯t have been surprised at any moment to hear the sounds of colts firing.


    However, this wasn¡¯t some western town, only Kansas, which was far too quiet for so early in the day. Following the Elder though the deserted hamlet, Elric looked around, but couldn¡¯t spot any of the inhabitants, who should have yet been going about their business at this hour. Only here and there did he caught glimpses of shutters being swiftly closed. Exasperated, he murmured a hearing enhancement spell, and could then perceive the anxious breathings of the invisible villagers, mixed sometimes with muffled sobbing.


    Are you that uncomfortable with facing the one you worked, ate and laughed with as you send him to his probable doom? Bah! Come one, it¡¯s not like I¡¯ll die for good or anything¡­ But I guess locals in such a remote place would have still some difficulties grasping the nature of an adventurer. Can¡¯t blame them for being a bit fainthearted. I guess. Or maybe there¡¯s something more I don¡¯t know about¡­again. It¡¯s starting to become an habit, isn¡¯t it?


    While the Wandering Knight grew more irritated and edgy by the minute, the Elder persisted in acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. Back to his usual happy-go-lucky self, he was merrily walking towards his own home, maintaining the speed of a narcoleptic crippled tortoise under morphine, and constantly stopping in his tracks, pretending to be out of breath, or to show supposedly important¡­ stuff to his agitated companion.


    I can¡¯t believe it! I can¡¯t figure out this guy. Tsh. One moment, he acts like a cheerful swindler with Alzheimer, who couldn¡¯t even make a five-years-old believe in Santa, and the next instant, he shows glimpses of ancient wisdom, tremendous power, and weighty secrets he had concealed all along without a single damn slip! AAAAAH!! That pisses me off! I¡¯m the one supposed to be surprising and unfathomable, here! Tsh. My only guess is that either the kind grandpa is a total lie, or he hasn¡¯t dealt with outsiders for so long he isn¡¯t any good anymore at this whole telling-just-the-amount-of-info-and-screw-you thingy ancients usually. Well, he still got the ¡°screw me¡± part done though. Aaaah¡­ What did he say last time, again? Nobody has entered the valley for the last three centuries, was it? ¡°Nowhere¡±, what a charming name¡­ Like I don¡¯t know I¡¯m always going nowhere. Why does this game feel obliged to shove the obvious up my nose all the time? ¡­ Three hundred years¡­  Could this crumbling bastard be older than that? ¡­hey. Doesn¡¯t that coincide with the first reports of undead in Erwyn? Does it mean that sealed-up place has something to do with this wide-scaled necrotic curse? Or is it the other way around? Have the roaming corpses prevented anyone from reaching Kansas for hundreds of years? Which could mean Dennis is the result of repetitive inbreeding? But that¡¯s not the point. I guess such a large area spell like the [Misty Soul Barrier] wouldn¡¯t probably be too difficult to spot if more people were walking around in the woo- OH! FOR FUCK¡¯S SAKE!! That¡¯s a FLY! A freakin¡¯ FLY!! Stop pretending this is some extremely rare local bug! AAAAAAAAARRRRH!!! STOP WASTING TIME SO OBVIOUSLY!!!! WHERE¡¯S YOUR OVERLORD AURA NOW?!?!?! AND WALK FASTER!!!!!


    After almost an hour of this circus, during which the duo had barely traipsed more than two hundred metres away from Martha¡¯s house and its still visible blue tiles, the out-of-patience knight finally snapped, and interrupted the soliloquizing wrinkled pest by a growl filled with barely concealed threats:


    ¡°Old man, what was that about?¡±


    He was evidently talking about the little military routine and power show that took place earlier, not about the small twisted chestnut tree the old man had been discoursing about for the past five minutes.


    Not trying to play dumb for once, the Elder glared disapprovingly at the cross-armed Elric, and answered flatly:


    ¡°Internal affairs. None of your business.¡±


    ¡°Perhaps. But If Dorothy is involved, it becomes my business.¡±


    Hearing the concern in Elric¡¯s voice, the secretive chief¡¯s expression softened. He sighed, then half-turned to face the young anxious Big Brother.


    ¡°I cannot reveal you the whole truth.¡±


    The Elder quickly raised his skeletal hand, cutting short Elric¡¯s impending retort.


    ¡°Not because I fear you would go back on your word and refuse to enter the valley, but because I reckon you are not ready yet to hear my tale. No¡­ In fact, it would be more accurate to say it is better for you not to hear it from me. I have lived for so long, young one, and there is so much you are ignorant of¡­ However, that might be for the best. I know you desire answers, and you will get them, in time. I simply believe you should discover the truth by yourself, and not be influenced by the words of this biased old relic, or those of any of the villagers who share my burden.


    I haven¡¯t been completely honest with you, an understatement if anything is, but please trust me when I say what you seek, both power and responses, awaits you at Bluerose¡­ Although what you shall obtain may not be what you expected. Kekeke. After all, strength and truth are but what you make of it. All you need is the wits to use what you get to your advantage. And I believe you do have the brains. Trust me, for I speak of experience when I say even power rivalling the gods is nothing in the hands of a fool, nothing but his own doom and the one of all he holds dear.¡±


    He marked a small pause, catching his breath, and let out a chuckle with no clear meaning, before continuing:


    ¡°Besides, if you actually manage to reach the castle, meet with the Immortal Princess, AND come back to the village, I guarantee everything will become clear as day¡­ yes¡­ most definetly.


    Now, concerning Martha and Dorothy, they are currently having a long delayed mother-daughter talk about matters that should be known when inhabiting this particular village. Nothing harmful will happen to the little one, not anymore. On this you have my word.¡±


    The Elder¡¯s expression suddenly turned grim, and Elric could feel some of the power he showed earlier seep from his emaciated carcass, when he added:


    ¡°And know I always keep my word.¡±


    Elric blinked, and the old grandpa was back.


    ¡°So¡­ Kekeke. Does this much suffice for you, young one? ¡­ And for now?¡±


    The Sage of the Wild was obviously far from satisfied, but it was as obviously clear that, regardless of his answer, the dangerous Elder would remain tight-lipped, so he just glanced back at the blue-tiled house, and gave a whispered reply littered with resigned annoyance.


    ¡°No, it doesn¡¯t. But fine. I won¡¯t ask you anything more.¡±


    But the pissed knight couldn¡¯t resist letting out some of his frustration.


    ¡°I won¡¯t ask you why you pretend to be an inoffensive crippled village chief. I won¡¯t ask you what your true relationship with Martha is. Hell! I even won¡¯t ask you why it feels like every single of your fellow citizens, even the mentally retarded one, has the physical dispositions of an out-of-practise veteran, nor how that¡¯s even freakin¡¯ possible!? In a shut-in hamlet without even a militia?! HAHA! And I won¡¯t either ask you why Dorothy needs to be told about those ¡®matters¡¯ before we reach this cursed valley, its cursed castle, and its cursed PRINCESS ¨C What was it again? Vikious? Viking? Oh! Riiiiight! Victoria, I suppose! ¨C which is the reason why you have been gaining time in such an irritatingly blatant and stupid way for THE PAST FREAKIN¡¯ HOUR!!! ¡­Nor will I ask you to answer any of the bazillion other questions I have in mind.¡±


    He took a deep breath.


    ¡°HOWEVER! If  I¡¯m to keep my mouth shut, and pretend to gobble all your half-assed half-truths, I want you to stop taking me for the simpleton we BOTH know I¡¯m not, and cease those insufferable pauses we again BOTH know you don¡¯t need. GODS!! If you even try to show me another weirdly forked crack in a wall, I don¡¯t guarantee I will be able to keep what little is left of my already unstable cool¡­ And could you please walk a bit faster?! ¡­ Does this much suffice for you, old one?¡±


    Hearing the knight¡¯s ranting, the Elder looked sideway before letting out a self-derisive chuckle. He then straightened up, and conclusively hit the ground once with his cane, nodding.


    ¡°I hear you, son. Very well.¡±


    With these words, the old hunched cripple turned around, and began walking, again at an absurdly slow pace. However, after a few steps, as if abruptly changing gears, his speed suddenly increased tenfold. Whistling and carrying his useless walking stick on his shoulder, the wrinkled pretender started to nimbly link long supple strides, instantaneously leaving the dumbfounded Elric in the dust.


    ¡°You¡­ YOU FUCKING SHRIVELLED FRAUD!!!¡±


    ¡°Stop complaining, young one. Didn¡¯t I tell you? Truth is but what you make of it! KEKEKEkeke...¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After another hour of doing nothing, Elric was napping in the grass near the chiefly log cabin. The sun was gradually setting down, and stars were timidly making their appearance in the darkening sky. Finally catching glimpse of movements atop the huge rock the old roadrunner was sitting on, the knight got up, and returned the gaze of the man, along with a raised eyebrow.


    ¡°That should have been enough,¡± said the Elder.


    And he agilely jumped down, to the ground three metres below. This total disavowal of all his previous displays of terminal arthritis earned the old perfectly-fine man a derisive chuckle from the amused knight. Elric could be rather quick to forgive and forget, depending on the reason and, mostly, on his versatile mood.


    ¡°Tsss¡­ Didn¡¯t you say something about a ¡®powerless old man¡¯ living around here?¡±


    The Elder nimbly played majorette with his cane, while replying:


    ¡°Oh¡­ But I am sure there should be one somewhere, if you search long enough.¡±


    ¡°Who are you then?¡±


    ¡°Nice try.¡±


    ¡°Tsh.¡±


    ¡°Kekeke.¡±


    ¡°By the way, don¡¯t I get a quest for this?¡±


    Despite knowing nothing about adventurers, most locals were nevertheless familiar with the idea of ¡°quest¡±. Go figure the logic behind that. Although it is true implementing the concept of a formal verbal agreement, based on exchanging a given service for a set reward, shouldn¡¯t have been too much of a breach of protocol in the realistocracy of Whatever.


    The Elder just shrugged.


    ¡°This does not depend on me. Only on yourself¡­ and on Victoria too, somehow¡­ But me?  No. I am but a humble ferryman showing you the path you wish to go down.¡±


    ¡°But of course¡­ And which path is that?¡±


    ¡°Kekeke. Does it really matter?¡±


    ¡°Not really.¡±


    ¡°I thought so.¡±


    Glancing at the sun like one would at a clock, he continued:


    ¡°Jests aside, we should get going¡­¡±


    However, despite his distractedly murmured statement, the ancient chief didn¡¯t move away from his spot, and instead motionlessly looked down, towards his village at the bottom of the hill, seemingly losing himself in thoughts. After a few minutes, he let out a deep sight, like he was letting go of some heavy burden, and then straightened up, a fierce resolve burning in his golden eyes.


    ¡°Right. I have laid idle for too long. Little matters what happens to this old soul, those foolish kids cannot be allowed to run amok any longer¡­¡± he mumbled more for himself than for Elric. ¡°Kekeke. Fate and Irony indeed do work in mysterious ways. Maybe this time... Kekeke. After all, who better than a deranged hero could tame the madness and face the threat of Sanity?¡±


    Flashing a menacing predatory grin, the old, crazy-looking, and secretly powerful wrinkled enigma finally directed his attention towards the slightly circumspect young fellow beside him.


    ¡°Kekeke. Let us show them, son, what happens when you tickle the nostrils of a sleeping dragon!¡±


    The Reckless Imbecile didn¡¯t laugh at the metaphor.


    Experience had made him all too aware of what would happen. Whoever ¡°them¡± might be, and whatever demented plan the undercover archmagus had in store, he could only sympathized with the poor idiots about to face their ineluctable, and very painful, doom. Although, Elric mostly was concerned about the role the Elder apparently destined him in this undertaking. He sincerely hoped the job of ¡°bait¡± had already been attributed to someone else.


    ¡°Now, young knight, there still something I would like you to do befo-¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.¡°BIIIIIIIIIG BROTHEEEEEEER!!! STOOOOOP!!!¡±


    At the call, both rapidly turned towards its source. On the gentle grassy slope, running up toward the mismatched pair, Dorothy was crying and shouting, and chased by Martha, who was holding her nose for some reason. Once she reached her Brother¡¯s side, the little girl grabbed his hand, turned around, and vigorously started to pull him in the direction of the village.


    ¡°You mustn¡¯t go, Big Brother! Let¡¯s go back home. If you need something, Dorothy will help you find it. Big Brother doesn¡¯t need the help of that mean witch!¡±


    Taken aback by his little sister vehement behaviour, Elric raised a puzzled gaze towards Martha. The woman seemed about to speak up, but the Elder silenced her with a raised hand and a shake of the head. Understanding no answer would come that way, the Big Brother looked down to the inefficiently pulling girl, and anchored himself in place, waiting for her to turn back.


    When she eventually did, showing him teary upturned eyes, he knelt before her, and took her tiny hands between his large palms.


    ¡°I can¡¯t, kitten. I promised to the Elder I¡¯d go. And what did I tell you about keeping your promises?¡±


    ¡°But mother said th-¡±


    Elric stopped her by putting a finger on her lips.


    ¡°And Big Brother also promised not to pry too much into it.¡±


    Dorothy swallowed, and let out a sobbing chuckle:


    ¡°Hihi...*snif* Big Brother really is an idiot.¡±


    ¡°Haha. Can¡¯t deny that. Even the gods keep telling me so.¡±


    Still laughing without smiling, Dorothy looked around like if she could find some more arguments lying about in the grass. Tears started to swell up once more in her eyes, and in desperation, she let out, in a broken voice:


    ¡°Can¡¯t Big Brother just stay here? Is that something so important? More important than Dorothy?¡±


    Elric hugged the crying girl.


    ¡°Of course it isn¡¯t, sugarcube. But didn¡¯t I tell you I¡¯d be back no matter what?¡±


    She opened her mouth, frowning, like about to say something she thought important, but a glance at the straing Martha apparently dissuaded her, and she closed it.


    She then swallowed, and fervently asked:


    ¡°Big Brother will come back, right?! You will escape from the evil witch, right?!¡±


    Escape from the evil witch? That doesn¡¯t sound good¡­


    ¡°I promised, didn¡¯t I?¡± He grinned. ¡°And what did I tell you about promises?¡±


    However Dorothy didn¡¯t seem to find his little wordplay funny.


    ¡°YOU MUST!!! Dorothy will be waiting¡­¡±


    She looked away, visibly uneasy, and added in a murmur:


    ¡°¡­promise.¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Quest: There''s no place like home


    The little Dorothy seems terrified of once again losing a member of her newfound family. She asked your absolute word you would come back whatever it took. She promised to be waiting for you, but it looks like she is hiding something.


    Difficulty Unknown


    Success  Conditions:


    Coming back to Kansas, and visiting Dorothy. (No time limit)


    Consequences:


    Unkonwn


    <hr />


    - Do you accept? -


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    And she started sobbing uncontrollably, jumping at the neck of her Big Brother, and squeezing him like he could suddenly disappear at any moment and that they would never see each other again. Deeply shaken by her complete distress, Elric wordlessly rested her head on his shoulder, while reassuringly stroking her hair.


    However, behind her back, the Wandering Knight¡¯s eyes gradually grew cold, calculating, devoid of humanity, while anger, worry, and even the constant underlying folly slowly withdrew, leaving behind nothing but a scary black hole swirling around a single massive thought. Crossing his gaze, even the icy Martha took a step back and unwillingly reach for her waist, like searching for an absent sword.


    Hugging his Little Sister, he kissed her forehead, and answered in a dark foreboding tone:


    ¡°I will, Dorothy. I will.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have accepted the quest ¡°There''s no place like home¡±.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Standing atop of the hill, bathed in the last blood red rays of the twilight, Elric stared silently at the two women¡¯s backs until they eventually disappeared between the houses of the hamlet. Then, he turned back to face the waiting Elder, and asked in a low emotionless voice:


    ¡°You were saying something?¡±


    It was now the turn of the old lord to feel shivers run down his spine, seeing the usually careless moody knight suddenly show a serious expression, of which were utterly absent his habitual unfocused curiosity and crazy childish intensity. The knight¡¯s green-blue eyes had become fixed and dull, but at the same time, they shone more than ever, inhabited by a whirlpool of subdued chaos that seemed to draw one in, to break and crush them, to grind every ounce of their being, until less than atoms were left, leaving nothing but pure and objective information, that was in its turn swallowed mercilessly.


    Wiping the sweat off his scalp, the ancient lord stumbled on his words:


    ¡°Ah! Did I? Righ- I wan- Eeeh¡­ Ah, yes!¡±


    He pointed the rock he had been sitting on just before.


    ¡°Simply destroy this, and we shall be on our way.¡±


    Being once more denied any form of explanation, Dark Elric lifted a disdainful eyebrow, but surprisingly didn¡¯t comment. He then looked at the large stone, and raised a hand, palm facing his target, before gravely chanting:


    ¡°I am the Ruler of the Day, and you the fool blocking My path. I command you to free the way. Now obey Me, or feel My wrath. [Solar Flare]¡±


    At the Solar Knight¡¯s words, his open hand suddenly erupted in a cluster of thick orange-red filaments, blinding threads of liquid fire weaving together, swooping down hungrily on their designed prey, and indiscriminately burning the air on their way with a roaring wheeze. At the impact, a blazing pillar of scorching light exploded, an inferno that by far dwarfed the puny [Purity Blaze] he had endured on his first day in Kansas.


    Once the flames receded, everything in a radius of ten metres, around where the rock used to stand, had been reduced to ashes, leaving nothing but a smoking crater without even a trace of solidified lava. Utter destruction. That was the difference there was between a spell of the first tier and one of the second. And the difference there was between the Solar Knight and other Paladins. Most Light Gods provided blessings, purified Evil, protected the land, and cured their followers. The Sun provided daylight, purified Darkness, burned everything, and at best gave skin cancer. Much less nice.


    Without more than a brief clinical glance at the result, Elric turned back towards the Elder, who started once more under the knight¡¯s intense stare.


    ¡°What now?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    In the wall of green, hidden by the grove that grew behind the chief¡¯s cabin, opened a tunnel, leading inside the natural enclosure. For several minutes already, the duo had progressed without a word. Often, the preceding elderly sent wary looks over his shoulder, towards a usually talkative knight, who was now clad in silver and silence. The old man really didn¡¯t know how to react to Elric¡¯s sudden and unexpected change. He had never seen the young man behave this way. Not many had, in fact. One, to be precise, Lautrek, who had once accompanied his over-motivated friend in one of his crazy adventures. Up to this day, the dwarf painter still shivered every time he thought back on what he saw back then.


    Thankfully, they eventually reached the end of the underground passage, whose exit was blocked by a translucent rainbow-coloured barrier. Relieved to finally have an excuse to breach the oppressive silence, the Elder turned back to his companion, and held out a hand in which laid a small pendant. It was a simple silver chain, on which hang a single tear-shaped blood red jewel, no bigger than a thumbnail. Nothing fancy, but the old man was handling it with open care, and near reverence.


    ¡°Take this, sonny. You will need it. It will enable you to cross the barrier¡­ amongst other things.¡±


    Still without unsealing his lips, the Wandering Knight took the item, put it around his neck, and slid the solid blood tear under his breastplate.


    ¡°And one last thing. In the castle of Bluerose, search for the Lion of Courage. Don¡¯t ask me what it is.¡±


    Despite the obvious taunt, Elric show no signs of acknowledging the old man¡¯s words.


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­¡±


    Incapable of finding anything else to add, the Elder opened and closed his mouth several times like a fish out of the water. Then apparently gave up and started walking again, gradually disappearing as he crossed the rainbow. Elric followed, and emerged on a narrow ledge, mid-height on the wall, more than three hundred metres above ground, contemplating an unbelievable landscape.


    The sight truly was breath-taking.


    The inside the ¡°mountain¡± was actually a vast bowl-shaped valley, surrounded by green cliffs coated in dim multicolour ever-changing brocades of light, which also efficiently camouflaged the entrance of the tunnel that led them here. The bottom of the large canyon was filled with huge trees, of which only the dark green foliage could be seen from their upper viewpoint. Swarms of bats flew around, constantly emerging from the sombre canopy, then diving back in, only sharing the skies with disorganised flocks of huge cawing black crows. Wolves could be heard howling every now and then, along with the raging calls of other unidentified beasts, sometimes covered by the loud rumble of thunder. Above their heads, furrowed by incessant lightning that unexplainably never struck the ground, ominous clouds blocked all moonlight. The nebulous mass whirled around the centre of the vale, where stood a bleak greyish castle, with half-crumbled walls covered in vines. Inside the seemingly abandoned fortress, a spotless obsidian tower was erected, and a reddish glow seeped out of its sole window, like a crimson beacon to guide the souls of the dead through the underworld, or a bloody will-o''-the-wisp enticing the careless travellers to follow it to their cruel demise.


    The Elder pore over the landscape with something like a mix of nostalgia and sorrow in his eyes, then, without looking back at the young man he was about to cast into the cursed cirque, he opened his arms wide, encompassing everything before him, and declared in an over-enthusiastic voice:


    ¡°Welcome, young one, to Nowhere!¡±


    ¡° ? Hmhmhmhmmm ? Hmm Hmhm Hmmm ? ¡±


    He then pointed the collapsing citadel.


    ¡°As you have probably already guessed, this unappealing ruin over there is the once magnificent castle of Bluerose, prided secret retreat of the old Erwynian royalty, long forgotten by almost everyone, sadly. Of course, Victoria lives in the highest room of the tower. Classic. Kekeke. I guess one never changes a winning team, right?¡±


    ¡° ? Hmmhmhmhmm ? Hmm Hm hm Hmm ? ¡±


    ¡°Well, we still are somewhat high, but there is a path down. Just follow the cliff this wa-¡±


    ¡° ? Hmmhmhmhmm ? Hmm Hm hm Hmm ? ¡±


    *whoosh*


    As the old guide turned around to indicate the narrow pathway, a humming silver blur rushed past him, and jumped down, rapidly falling towards the dark woods.


    The disconcerted Elder blinked.


    ¡°¡­or not.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    AAAAAAAAAAND¡­ There we are! Bluerose Castle is finally in sight! Finally!


    Next chapter shall be the first real fight sequence! YAHOOOO!! ¡­I really have no idea how that will come out. Well, that¡¯s only if I manage to prevent Elric from facegrounding himself to death. ¡°A cliffhanger¡±, I told him! ¡°Hang¡± not ¡°jump¡±!! Why do my characters never do what I intended them to do in the first place?


    What shall he face? Who are ¡°them¡±? Who is the Elder? What¡¯s the secret of Kansas? Does the word ¡°realistocracy¡± really exist? Is Chaos going to be a pain, or help for once? Will Martha ever succeed in melting chocolate? What does really happen when plucking a sleeping dragon¡¯s nasal hair? Will we ever see Dorothy again? Has Elric finally lost it? Will someone rate my fanfic?


    So many questions! So many possible comments! Such an attention-seeking author!


    Well, anyway, nevertheless, as usual, [insert random adverb], thank you for reading, and see you next¡­ wait for it¡­ chapter</a>!


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.SS – OT: The Scariest One

    Other Tales:


    The Scariest One


    ¡° Binkusu no sake wo, todoke ni yuku yo


    Umikaze kimakase namimakase


    Shio no mukou de, yuuhi mo sawagu


    Sora nya wa wo kaku, tori no uta¡±


    ¨C Bink¡¯s Sake, One Piece.


    ¨C FLASHBACK ¨C


    Tavern.


    What a wondrous word. What a wondrous place. Curious isn¡¯t is it, how so many epic quests started in taverns? With a bunch of misfits gathered in around a sticky table, drinking low quality ale in unclean mugs, without a copper, neither a goal¡­ who, without even knowing each other, suddenly decide to go fight a dragon together for no reason, or to declare war to the Confectioner-Wizards Brotherhood, or to go explore a random dungeon no-one-ever-got-out-of ¨C nor probably entered, most likely ¨C or even to retrieve some suspicious artefact from a dark unknown vegan lich mushroom platypus vampire under commission of a sleazy hooded man who is in fact an undercover prince from a fallen nation two continents away from there and who just happened to be inside that precise bar at that precise moment and specifically desiring the help of absolute noobs instead of seasoned professionals, all by pure absolute freaking coincidence... Well, it happens¡­


    However, taverns are also known as a places were all sorts of tales can be heard and shared¡­


    It was Inside a typical noisy, crowded, smelly, dirt¡­ well in a tavern¡­ that a small audience had gathered around a particular table, where sat a noisy drunken dwarf and a quiet golden-haired tall human, seemingly a tad bothered by the crowd. However, said crowd paid no attention to the human, whose clothes clearly designated as an under-stuffed newbie. And the young man clearly didn¡¯t ask any better than to be ignored.


    No. All eyes were fixed on the dwarf. After all, it wasn¡¯t every day that one had the opportunity to meet with one of the famous Deep Explorers! Even when the latter was Lautrek Pickaxo, said Heaven¡¯s Brush, who, amongst the Wild Trekkers, was the most often to be seen inside the Tame Zone. In presence of such a celebrity, who¡¯d care about some beginner the great man¡­ dwarf¡­ had decided to drag along on a whim?


    ¨C *** ¨C


    A loud deep voice raised over the prevailing cacophony.


    ¡°The strongest Deep Exp¡¯?! HARHARHARHAR!!¡±


    Spluttering all over his irritated friend sitting opposite him, Lautrek slammed down his seventeenth empty beer mug and exploded in a drunken laugh. Across the table, Elric slowly wiped his face with open disgust, before pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a consternated sigh at a spectacle he was now used to.


    Strangely, in real life, Aapeli made a point to always stay away from alcohol, drugs, tobacco¡­ anything, in fact, which could have even the slightest harmful effect to his health. He always said that their body was, after all, the only thing a human being truly possessed. Nicolas didn¡¯t really share the opinion, but he had long ago learnt there were some topics on which he had better not openly disagree with the passionate photographer.


    In Untold Tales, however, free from his worldly constraints, all it took was to enter a town, and the dwarf painter immediately disappeared inside the closest tankard, visibly attempting to drink himself to death ¨C a ¡°feat¡± he actually managed to achieve, twice. The ¡°Call of the Tavern¡±, he claimed. A racial thing, supposedly.


    Much bullcrap was spoken that day¡­


    That evening, as usual, it had taken less than half an hour for him to floor the local Drinking-Game Champion, after which he hadn¡¯t stopped for the cause. Now, a small audience had gathered around their table, pressing the renowned player with questions, while completely ignoring the incognito Wandering Knight. Of course, for Elric, the less he was noticed, the better. He was fully content with simply observing the surrounding people as per his habit, and quietly sipping his apple juice. Not that he had, like his friend, some life principle about it. He just never liked the taste of most spirits, and just adding alcohol in other drinks for the sake of adding alcohol had forever struck him as utterly absurd.


    After an hour of random topics, a young ¨C although one never really knew with halflings ¨C adventurer had asked the question that sparked Lautrek¡¯s noisy spraying laughter. Eventually, the sozzled painter calmed himself down, and started stroking his soiled furnished beard, seemingly seriously considering the question.


    ¡°Well *burps* ¡­Sorry. Well, it¡¯s not like it¡¯s such a secret¡­ Hey! Right, Alphonse?!¡±


    Elric raised an eyebrow at the call of his fake ¡°public¡± name, and frowned at the dwarf, silently pleading his friend to leave him ¡°the fuck¡± out of this. Thankfully, very little people knew his face, and he barely received a handful of uncaring glances, before all focused back on the star in the room, who was continuing after his rhetorical question.


    ¡°So¡­ the strongest? HARHARHAR! Well, Nyarla-tan of course! HA! Whatever that perfumed P-Prince kid in Dragonheart Flower pretends, the MagiChaos Girl *hips* she IS the one true highest level Player in the whooooooole game. HARHARHARHARHARRrgh *burps*¡±


    And he widely opened his arms to emphasize his words, probably trying to figuratively encompass the entire world, but only succeeding in spilling out the full content of his eighteenth mug on a poor female archer, who in turn made a hilariously shocked face, or at least hilarious from Elric¡¯s point of view. He was incidentally hesitating between dragging his friend out, before the smashed dwarf could shame himself even more, and rolling on the ground laughing at the sight of the flabbergasted soaked girl. For the sake of his own tranquillity, the Sage of the Wild eventually decided to do neither, and to quietly enjoy the show.


    Indeed, the sort boozed orator wasn¡¯t finished. Lifting a wavering warning finger, he added:


    ¡°BUT!! TheeeEEER*burps* Sorry. There¡¯s a fellow FAAAAR more scary *hips* scarier than the Crawling Cuteness. Trust me! I¡¯ve me- *hips* met them both, so I can tell!¡±


    Despite the increasingly incoherent speech, his public was now hanging onto his every word. Who could be this monster? Terrific enough to top even the number one player of UT? For most adventurers, who swore only by a player¡¯s level, it seemed impossible! However, the words of a famous person, even drunk off his ass, held enough weight to make people disregard even their deepest beliefs.


    The Knowledgeable too raised his head. But not for the same reason. He already more or less knew what Lautrek was about to say, and was in advance mentally rolling his eyes. Nevertheless, information about the almost mythical Magical Nyarlathotep, who even he himself had never glimpsed, always piqued his natural curiosity. And Lautrek, when he was sober, persistently dodged the subject whenever Elric asked, like she was going to personally hunt him down if he dared talk about her.


    Although, sadly for the knight, the subject of the legendary adventuress didn¡¯t come back. Instead, Lautrek climbed up on the table, still managing to stay smaller than most, and grandiosely eructed:


    ¡°The numb- NUMBER ONE Deep Exp¡¯... NO! The number one PLAYER you should never EVER piss off¡­¡±


    A small pause for the suspense¡­


    ¡°The crazy Wandering Knight, ELRIC WALKER!!!¡±


    The tension abruptly receded, and the aforementioned knight sighed in resigned irritation.


    Oh, come on! Get over it already! It¡¯s not like that was such a big deal¡­ I just overdid it a bit, that¡¯s all... Once. Tsh. Why¡¯s he always obliged to talk about me like I¡¯m some schizophrenic Terminator¡­ It wasn¡¯t that bad, really¡­ neither me, nor the movie, by the way, although it¡¯s getting a bit old¡­ The movie¡­ not me¡­ Besides, see, nobody¡¯s believing you. Again. Well, I suppose barely holding water doesn¡¯t add to your credibility either¡­


    And, as of right, the surrounding players were all exchanging half-smiles in an awkward silence, only broken by a few muffled chuckles.


    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    After some time, a blue-skinned woman, probably a half-mermaid of sorts, finally dared voice out loud what everybody probably thought:


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Elric Walker? With all due respect, Heaven¡¯s Brush, but isn¡¯t he one of the weakest Deep Explorers? Don¡¯t get me wrong. Of course, everyone loves the Wandering Knight, the Saviour of the Noobs, etcetera. But still¡­ scarier than the MagiChaos Girl? It can¡¯t be¡­ I mean¡­ I¡¯ve even heard somewhere that even among yourselves, you call him the ¡®Careless Idiot¡¯, or something?¡±


    ¡°THE RECKLESS IMBECILE!!!¡± Lautrek shouted. ¡°HARHARHAR!! Listen, girl! There¡¯s something¡­ *burps* something you¡¯re q-quite mi-misundersta¡¯ding here. That title ¡®sn¡¯t scoff! NO! NO! Really isn¡¯t. But PRAISE!! Reckless? Damn rrrrRRRIGHT he is!! And there¡¯sn¡¯t a single, not a single, you hear me, not a single Deeps that doesn¡¯t respect him for that!¡±


    ¡°That might be true, but why ¡®Imbecile¡¯, then?¡±


    The young woman wasn¡¯t giving up.


    The drunk dwarf glared at her, then at the inside of his mug, and was surprised to find it empty. He called out for an nineteenth fill, before answering a bit hesitantly:


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ Wu-Why i-indeed¡­ *hips* I¡¯m not too sure. It¡¯s not like we all sssit around and decide those nicknames, you know. HARHARHARHARHHH*hips* They just kind of ¡®pop¡¯. *hips* But you think Elric¡¯s a simpleton? NAY!! HARHARHARHARHAR¡­ The man¡¯s a freakin¡¯ geeenius if you ask me! But he¡¯s got no damn control over this DAMN BRAIN of his! HARHAR! One second he¡¯s handling a damn dragon sin- signel- sinlhand- singnd- ¡­ ALONE! And, the next moment, he¡¯s axed off for being distracted by a damn funny stalagmite! HARHAR!! Or he falls down a cliff because he sud-suddenly thought b-*burps* b-back on what he ate the previous day. HELL! I even saw him once fighting off d-dozens of goblins barehanded! NO SWEAT!! ¡­ And then¡­ and THEN! He turns back to me¡­ and ask me why people always think unicorns have something to do with RAINBOWS!?! HARHARHARHAR¡­ And¡­ HARHARHAR¡­ Can you believe it?! A goblin then took the chance, and stabbed him in the guts! And he got poisoned! AND DIED!!!! HARHARHARHAR-RHOHOHOHOHOHO¡­ Aaaaah¡­


    ¡­ But that¡¯s Elric for you. RIGHT ALFY?!¡±


    Fuck you too very much, Uninspired Paintbrush¡­


    ¡°¡­ Well, he¡¯s got more skills and knowledge than anyone, but he¡¯s too damn much of a damn unfocused damn s-s-scatterbrain to use all this HUUUGE power pool NO OCEAN correctly. Haha¡­ *burps* I think that¡¯s why the other Deeps call him an imbecile. B¡¯t me? NEVER! And I ain¡¯t forg¡¯ving ¡®nyone who DARES m-mock ¡®r make light of him!¡±


    Sorry, Lautrek. You¡¯re a true bro, even if you¡¯re an annoying gossiping drunkard. But shut up now. That¡¯s a good place to end your boozed delirium¡­. Please.


    ¡°An Imbecile?! Pwah! Ignorant fools! You sh¡¯d all thank the g¡¯ds you¡¯ll prob¡¯ly n¡¯ver face a ¡®serious¡¯ Wandering Knight!! I SAW IT! Once¡­ and that was the da¡¯n sc¡¯riest thing I¡¯ve ever s¡¯n in my ENTIRE LIFE!! Void eyes¡­ that blood-covered face¡­ that meticulous slaughter¡­ AND THAT HELLISH HUMMING!! Oh god that humming¡­ Hhhaaaaa¡­¡±


    Shivering, Lautrek abruptly seemed to sober up, as if plunged headfirst into a bucket of cold water, and he let himself fall sitting on the table. With a timely reaction gained though practice, Elric quickly raised his cup to avoid it being spilled by the rocking of the piece of furniture.  All around, the standing audience now looked deeply perplexed, and it was again the same mermaid-ish woman that dared express the public opinion.


    ¡°But what to be that scared of¡­ if he¡¯s not strong?¡±


    Slowly spinning on place ¨C an act looking pretty ridiculous when sitting on a table ¨C , the dwarf directed his glare into the speakers eyes, making her shrink a bit, before answering in a deep foreboding voice:


    ¡°Not strong? Girl, how could the Wandering Knight b-be weak? How COULD one who travels the Wild alongside names like the Crawling Cuteness, the Hammer of ShakeEarth, the Cloning Twins, the Necro-Strategist, or the Unbirthday Party, not be a damn monster himself?


    Trust me, his only t-true weakness is the chaos that plagues his mind¡­ Or blesses it, some might say. But, let me ask-k you, what would happen if that chaos was tamed? ¡­ What would happen if a thought was strong enough to rise at the surface, stand above the destructive waters, and command them? WHAT would happen if, for some unpredictable reason, a single target became the unique focus of a storm of esoteric knowledge?! Mmmmmh?


    Not scary? HA!


    ¡­Of course, if you as much as annoy the Dark Harrower, you¡¯d instantaneously die. Of course, if you bother the Mad Hellfire Priestess, she¡¯ll harass you mercilessly for a couple months. Of course, Elric is a forgiving and funny guy, who could even send you off with a smile after you tried to kill him. It happened¡­


    BUT¡­ If some brain-damaged fool was damn moronic enough to piss the Sage of the Wild to the point he¡¯d reversely flip out, and decide to seriously retaliate? HA!! Then the awakened Humming Lord wouldn¡¯t fall back asleep until the recipient of his wrath was absolutely, utterly, meticulously annihilated and definitely gone from the face of this world. Hehe¡­ Being spawn-killed back to level one might actually be mercy compared to¡­¡±


    He left his sentence unresolved, marked a small pause, shaking his head as if to get rid of something, and then smirked.


    ¡°Here¡­ Hehe¡­ Maybe a little example could help you. Do you lot know about the army of two thousands orks camping at the base of the [Singing Flower Mountain]? Mmmmh?¡±


    The adventurers looked even more puzzled than after the dwarf¡¯s first boozed ranting. A few amongst them, those who actually knew the place in question, were exchanging hushed comments, shrugging and shaking their heads in helplessness. This little game continued until a burly scarred warrior eventually answered out loud:


    ¡°But, Heaven¡¯s Brush, there¡¯s no ork in that place¡­¡±


    Lautrek chuckled self-satisfyingly, finally jumping down the table, and sitting on his stool. He then grabbed a twentieth beer, drank a mouthful, and glanced over the crowd before concluding in an abnormally quiet tavern.


    ¡°Precisely.¡±


    Across the table, Elric could only roll his eyes in weariness, and mutter, so quietly nobody heard him:


    ¡°Still call it self-defence¡­¡±


    ¨C END OF FLASHBACK¨C


    <hr />


    So, here¡¯s a little something while I¡¯m working on the fight scenes. I might be overpraising Elric a tad, and maybe brewing more hype than what the next few chapters deserves¡­ but I like doing it, so I¡¯ll do it anyway.


    The funny thing is: I don¡¯t like reading side-stories¡­


    And I hate when writers stride away from their MCs for too long. But, on the other hand, I can¡¯t help writing those short stories¡­ well¡­ I¡¯m a hypocrite¡­ I¡¯ll have to live with it.


    Also, I wrote this whole side-chapter listening to ¡°They¡¯re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard¡±¡­ again, in a loop¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Although I listened to the 10 hours</a> version.


    And, with this, I thank you for reading, and will as soon as possible release the ¡°real¡± chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.15 – Nowhere over the Rainbow

    Chapter 15 ¨C Nowhere over the Rainbow


    ¡°Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,


    There''s a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby.¡±


    ¨C Somewhere over the Rainbow, <1>


    The Wizard of Oz.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Six days before breakdown, early night (IGT)


    ¡°? Hmmhmmm ? Hmmhm hm hmmhm ? Hm-hmmm hmmm¡­¡±


    Elric was falling.


    Like a tossed lump of metal, the armoured knight was dropping at an insane speed. Violent blasts of wind incessantly struck him, and the dark canopy below seemed to rush up to embrace him in a brutal and deadly hug.


    ¡°? Hm-hmmm Hmmhm-hm-hm-hm ? Hmmhm Hm-hm Hmhmhmmm¡­ ? ¡°


    Completely unfazed, the mad humming skydiver leisurely reached inside his inventory, took out his recently repaired hang-glider, and unfolded the light wooden frame. The enchanted silk sail instantaneously filled with air, jerking up and almost escaping his grasp.


    Sent into a dizzying tailspin, the Reckless Imbecile firmly latched onto the control bar, nimbly twisting his body to tuck his feet inside the reserve stirrups, and could finally attempt to stabilize himself. The harness, unfortunately, was still Dorothy-sized, and therefore unusable.


    Something as large as a hang-glider wouldn¡¯t normally fit inside a slot of the adventurers¡¯ immaterial backpack. However, thanks to the Wandering Knight¡¯s high level of [Handicraft], [Woodworking], [Sewing], and [Tailoring], as well as all the enchantments he had reflexively embedded into the aircraft, the latter was much more compact, resistant and efficient than any of its counterparts.


    Nevertheless, even as a homemade artefact, the downsized gear didn¡¯t really suffice at stopping a free-falling mass of muscles clad in thick silver plates. Especially when deployed halfway to the ground.


    Not that such fact would be outside the expectations of a rashness expert though.


    ¡°With my word I bend the sky. Now carry me so I can fly. [Soaring Drift]¡±


    Obeying his command, the roaring gusts abruptly warped and twirled to support and slow him down. However, the treetops were now to close for him to hope regaining complete control of his fall before crashing through the foliage. Rapidly considering his options, he scanned his surroundings, and located a small opening in the cover of leaves.


    He immediately pulled the base bar and swooped down on the gap. Grabbing a leather lash, he also reduced his wingspan to fit in-between the branches, dangerously accelerating in the process.


    ¡°? Hmmhmmm ? Hmmhm hm hmmhm ? Three¡­ Two¡­ One¡­¡±


    The breakneck pilot harshly pierced thought the foliage, and was forced into a succession of hazardous aerial manoeuvres to avoid colliding with branches the size of a human torso. His unprotected face ¨C a helmet would have been blasted off by the wind ¨C was repeatedly whipped by thin sharp shoots, and was soon covered in bloody lash marks. A sinister crack echoed, and the intense pain he felt coursing through his left leg made it pretty clear that the tree had been the toughest on this one.


    Eventually, he emerged under the crown, and started circling around a trunk so huge five grown men holding hands probably wouldn¡¯t have sufficed to surround. While clinically taking note of the damage his body had suffered and checking the integrity of his artificial wing, Elric once again surveyed his surroundings.


    Under the thick canopy, the darkness was so complete one would have thought themselves underground. Moreover, the haphazard dive had lead the Wandering Knight quite far away from the outer wall of the valley, and the rainbow lights were now reduced to a faint glow in the distance, muffled by the dense otherworldly vegetation.


    Absurdly tall trees, rivalling those of the Forest People¡¯s enchanted woods, supported the leafy vault like the pillars of an inconceivable organic cathedral, a vegetal monument raised by some megalomaniac elven giants. Overgrown bramble bushes and other unfriendly-looking humongous ferns of sorts covered the ground below, some looking abnormally lively for mere plants.


    Eventually, the wounded glider spotted a possible landing place two dozen metres away from his current position, and inclined his wing to drift in that direction, rapidly decreasing his altitude. Now, he had about fifteen seconds to devise a plan to deal with the ten impressive [Spectral Wolf] squatting his runway.


    ¡°Hmmhm hm ? Hm-hm-hmm Hm Hm... ? Pom Pom ?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°I wear my Lord Sun¡¯s blazing might. I devour shadows and night. [Sunlight Coat]¡±


    The first ghastly predator was swiftly and brutally sent to oblivion, when a knight in literally shining armour slammed down his foot in its head after a fall from ten metres high, squashing the skull of the beast in an explosion of half-immaterial broken fangs, splattered black brain matter and purple gaseous blood.


    ¡°Nine.¡±


    Before the surrounding creatures had the time to recover from the sudden onslaught, the Solar Knight spun and crouched in a gory squish, transferring his weight onto his unhurt right leg, and made a low horizontal sweep with a long light-coated set of wooden poles and wrapped cloth. The folded blessed hang-glider struck the lower jaw of the closest wolf, fragmenting it with a combination brute strength and merciless cleansing magic.


    ¡°Eight.¡±


    While the mutilated dark monster howled in pain and started to convulse under the maddening suffering inflicted by the Sunlight, Elric brought his improvised weapon back to himself, and swirl it to block the leaping assault of two other ghostly canines. With breath-taking speed, he then stuck his battle aircraft in the ground and grasped both his assailants¡¯ necks, ripping gaping fuming bloody holes in their throats before throwing them aside to slowly agonize with their fellow creature.


    ¡°Seven. Six.¡±


    Hearing rustle behind him, the Solar Knight slightly sidestep to the right, dodging the incoming foe by a hair breadth, and, at the same time, abruptly raised his left metal-gloved glowing fist in a devastating uppercut in the stomach of the beast, quickly followed by a downwards elbow strike from his other arm, which snapped its backbone. The corpse was then nonchalantly added to the still twitching pile.


    ¡°Five.¡±


    Elric grabbed his unconventional composite staff, and leant it on his shoulder while turning around to face the surviving group of [Spectral Wolf], minding to spare his broken leg. He then glared intensely at the huge monsters, his calculating cold eyes grinding them down to mere clusters of stats.


    The shivering creatures briefly hesitated between a joint attack and a strategic retreat, however the impatient predator robbed them from the choice by suddenly launching his ¡°weapon¡± forwards and catching the nearest one between the two edges of the misused aircraft. A furry grain of rice held with holy chopsticks, yelping pitifully in distress.


    Merciless, the Wandering Knight dragged his prey back to him, lifted it in the air, crouched and whirled in the melting remains of his first victim, squatting on his right foot like an ice skater performing a sit spin <2>, and then propelled both his glider and the severely burned, and nauseous, wolf towards the outliving quartet. Unfortunately, for the latter, another amongst them got impaled in the process.


    ¡°Four. Three?¡±


    And he smirked menacingly at the last trio.


    Hang-gliders... Who knew, right?


    Enraged, the roaring creatures carelessly jumped at the now apparently empty-handed murderer of their siblings. However, instead of taking a defensive stance, Elric calmly reached for his back.


    A blink of an eye later, two smoking grisly halves of a wolf tumbled back to the ground, neatly severed by the huge glowing Zweih?nder the swordsman had finally unsheathed. Without slowing down, the blade drew a vertical U-turn, beheading a second ugly oversized pup. The Knowledgeable then turned his cold gaze towards the last wolf, and pronounced the end of the sentence he had been chanting:


    ¡°¡­or feel my wrath.¡±


    He shoved his hand inside the opened maw, and smirked again.


    ¡°Two. One¡­ [Solar Flare]¡±


    The phantom animal exploded in a mass of blinding flames and dissolving darkness, while the sun-coated knight slowly hobbled away from the inferno.


    ¡°Zero. ? Hmmm-Hm-Hm ? Hmmm...¡±


    The battle had lasted nineteen seconds.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    A slash of a blade, and the last breathing wolf definitely stopped whining. Elric then sheathed his sword.


    ¡°Tsh. Messing my count,¡± he mumbled while putting on his helmet.


    Upon leaving his hand, the hang glider had lost the [Sunlight Coat]. Therefore, the impaled [Spectral Wolf] hadn¡¯t in fact received a deadly wound, and was still trying to escape when the Wandering Knight came to retrieve his aircraft.


    Well, miscalculations happen.


    Storing the bloodied framework back in his inventory, Elric cancelled his magical aura. The blessed coating was overly useful against both Darkness and Light, but shining like an oversized firefly right in the middle of obscure woods filled with unknown monsters wasn¡¯t exactly the best way to stay out of trouble.


    Bluerose Castle was still quite far, and he didn¡¯t want to fight more than necessary. After all, his mana wasn¡¯t inexhaustible, and his class spells, for all devastating they could be, were also quite consuming. And easy to spot in the dark. In fact, he¡¯d better get away from his latest gory ¡°son et lumi¨¨re¡±, and fast.


    Without a glance for the slowly evaporating carcasses, he started to walk in the direction opposite to the wall, but a stabbing pain suddenly reminded him of the state of his body.


    ¡°Tsh. Right. Broken was it?¡±


    Frankly annoyed, he still forced himself to relax, and took a deep inspiration.


    ¡°I call forth the power of Nature. Save my broken self from the pain I endure. [Bone Mend]¡±


    His level of Nature Affinity might be relatively low, but treating broken bones was within any newbie''s reach. Illnesses, poisoning, and curses, on the other hand, were quite a hassle to deal with, except with specific sub-affinities.


    The catch was that healing magic as a whole usually required more concentration than offensive magic, making it near impossible to use in the heat of battle. And so, most parties included a designed healer who stayed on the side-lines, and solely focused on maintaining his allies alive.


    As a solo player, that option was unfortunately unavailable to Elric, who could only hope for a breather once in a while to tend to his wounds. Moreover, if the Solar Knight had a stronger offence that most paladins, his class healing spells were comparatively rather lacking... except when dealing with frostbites.


    While he was at it, Elric also fixed his slashed face.


    ¡°I ask for the love of Nature Mother. For with flesh wounds, none knows better. [Mother¡¯s Care]¡±


    Sighing in relief, the Wandering Knight gulped down a mana potion and finally started running.


    ¡°I am the rock. I am the tree. None in the wild is my enemy. [Nature Aura]. I am a ghost under your bed, when you see me, it is too late. [Shadow Cloak]. I once was there, but this is past. I am the air. None is as fast. [Air Steps]. Each of your steps and heartbeats too, I am the Earth and I see you. [Earth Eye]¡±


    A faint glow covered his body, reducing any wariness most monsters would feel towards him. Next, the revealing glow was cloaked by a veil of darkness, hiding both Elric¡¯s physical and spiritual presence. With the following spell, he accelerated tenfold and turned into a dim silvery blur, his feet barely touching the ground. The world around him then became a vibrant mesh where even the slightest movement in a radius of a hundred metres stood out like a mini-earthquake, granting the Wandering Knight with a sensory field devoid of blind spots.


    In truth, Solar Knight wasn''t especially a magic-focused class. It had excellent physical passives, and gave access to devastating spells, but, without a god to pray to, it didn''t do much in terms of boosting Elric''s magical abilities. Therefore his mana capacity, regeneration rate and affinities levels were comparatively low, and he was mostly restricted to beginner spells.


    However, it should be known a typical mage would usually be proficient in only one single prime affinity, potentially completed by a unique sub-affinity. A mage wielding two elements would be considered a genius. As for one blessed with three, he was from early on promised to greatness. A more than trial-element magus had yet to make himself known on the Pandore Continent.


    One affinity? Two? Three?


    Fire, Water, Air, Earth, Nature, Void, Light, Darkness, Lightning, Poison, Runes, and Soul. Eight primes and four subs. Even at low levels, the mere thought of a combination of spells from such a wide range of afinities was enough to make battle-mages go white in terror, and scholars tear their hair out in search of pertinent defences. But that was exactly what the Wandering knight was capable of.


    And average spells weren''t his sole weapons.


    Runes.


    ¡°[Runic Armour]. Activation. [Gravity Field]. Activation.¡±


    The Affinity for Runes was an ancient art that had yet to be rediscovered by the general public. In the ruins of the Lost Library of Butv''Erisit, amongst the crumbling parchments and worn out books, Elric had discovered a few fragments of texts concerning the subject, and decided to experiment a bit before disclosing his discovery on the forums. True to himself, he had later completely forgotten to talk about it to anyone.


    Written magic wasn¡¯t uncommon though. Magical circles, skill books, enchanted weapons and the likes were relatively easy to come across. However, those were in fact imperfectly trying to emulate Runic relics found in ancient keeps and dungeons. Enchanted pieces of equipment, especially, were flawed products.


    Despite the efficient reduction of the energy cost provided by magic items, it was a fact most materials simply weren¡¯t cut to endure the flow of mana, and would thus ultimately break when used as catalyst for a spell. Since magical enhancements were permanent attributes, active regardless of the user¡¯s wish, they slowly but ineluctably wore down the item they were embedded in. This also forbade access to a whole palette of powerful enchantments without resorting to overly rare, and therefore expensive, highly mana-resistant materials.


    Runic artefacts, however, almost completely bypassed that restriction. Active only when their owner decided to pour mana into it, they exceeded the durability of conventional magical equipment by at least a hundredfold, while making possible the use of higher tiers spells.


    Overdoing it would of course lead to the artefact breaking down. But would one care about their hammer shattering if they could raze a castle in two strikes before it did? The only downside to Runes was that the chance of failure when creating an artefact was much much higher than with conventional enchanting, with also more risks of destroying the item in the process, since the spell would be carved directly into the material, and not magically imprinted onto it.


    The Wandering Knight''s [Gravity Field], carved in his silver breastplate, actually was an incomplete experimental product. Its purpose was to triple the weight of anything within its range. Which it did. Perfectly. There was just one problem though¡­ Unfortunately, Elric too was in said range, and that pretty much cancelled out any benefit. Therefore, he created the [Runic Armour].


    Based on the model of his [Sunlight Coat], the invisible layer indiscriminately negated any Runic magic inside it, like an anti-radiation suit. Any Runic magic, which, unfortunately again, also included any healing Runes he¡¯d like to add to his arsenal. Not ideal, however, as mentioned before, this stuff was still on the experimental level. Disposing of two functional true Runic artefacts was already a more than impressive feat.


    ¡°[Time Warp]. Activation. [Magic Mirror]. Activation. [Projectile Deflector]. Activation.¡±


    With this abusive display, everything around Elric suddenly slowed down, making him appear even faster. The Wandering Knight then crunched an energy pill, which quadrupled his health and mana regeneration for four days, and blinked out of existence, stealthily dashing through the ancient woods, too fast for the eye to catch, without a sound other than the faint crackling of rocks, unable to endure their own increased weight as he passed by.


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The [Vampire Tarantula] was a breed of giant spiders feared throughout the continent.


    Although having nothing to do with actual vampires, those humongous octopods had the disturbing habit of sucking their prey dry of all bodily fluids, not only blood, before devouring them alive, hence their name. However, their eating habits weren¡¯t what made them so frightening. After all, being eaten alive would always be as painful as¡­ being eaten freaking alive, whatever the specifics. There were actually many monsters with more colourful and gruesome table manners.


    No. The reason why they were such dreaded opponents was a deadly combination composed of their overly developed ability to sense magic and to cancel the use of it in a vast area, as well as of the tens of thousands of minuscule poisonous spider minions accompanying every cluster of [Vampire Tarantula]. The huge arthropods being virtually immune to all toxins didn¡¯t help either.


    Indeed, even without magic of his own, a competent swordsman could hold his ground against monsters several times his size. On the other hand, any decent mage had various ways of instantaneously dealing with an army of thumbnail-sized arachnids. But what could a simple sword do against innumerable small bugs? What could achieve a wizard unable to cast a single spell?


    The answer was: not much. Perhaps dying with style in the wizard¡¯s case¡­


    ¨C *** ¨C


    That night, the tarantula matriarch woke up, alerted by an unusual moisture in the air. Slowly wiggling its legs around to taste the atmosphere <3>, she found it somewhat oily. A bit perplexed, the creature was about to call out to the patrolling cluster when she caught a discreet murmur.


    ¡°¡­lit the candle. [Spark]¡±


    The matriarch jerked up to raise the alarm, but too late. The oil mist spread throughout the nest violently combusted, instantaneously roasting all the minions to death and severely scorching many of the [Vampire Tarantula].


    Before the stunned and blinded arthropods had the time to get themselves back together, and to cast their feared anti-magic field, an unbelievable pressure struck them and slammed them on the ground, their legs failing to support them. Some amongst the weakest invertebrates even got gorily squashed under their own weight. A buzzing silvery shadow then leapt through the burning webs, moving so fast it could barely be glimpsed, severing limbs, smashing heads, slashing eyes, mowing down several giant spiders every second, leaving but destruction and death in its wake.


    Eventually, the matriarch got out of her daze, and, with a mere thought, negated all mana-shaping in a radius of more than a kilometre. However, by then, nearly two thirds of the colony had already been slain.


    Abruptly slowing down, the silver blur took the appearance of a man wearing a full body armour covered in bumps, lacerations and burn marks, and splattered all over with gore, the most visible being the still fresh greenish blood of the [Vampire Tarentula].


    Despite being deprived of his magic, the armoured typhoon didn¡¯t stop his rampage. Free from the threat posed by the microscopic henchmen¡­ henchspiders, he ran from one huge beast to another, evading their poisoned leg thrusts with expert footwork and swinging around a lethal broken longsword.


    ¡°? Hmmhmmm ? Hmmhm hm hmmhm ? Hm-hmmm hmmm¡­¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    It had been three days since Elric entered the valley of Nowhere. Three days in almost total darkness, wondering how plants even grew in there. Three days of deadly survival orienteering. Three days during which, despite all his efforts to reach the castle of Bluerose as unnoticed as possible, he had been forced to face monster after monster.


    At first, most had been easily dealt with, but the noise of the fight and the smell of blood inevitably attracted others. And since only a stronger creature would dare enter the turf of another one, the Wandering Knight¡¯s situation had steadily gotten from bad to worse. [Sombre Bat], [Slasher Fern], [Seer Three-Eyed Crow], [Bicephalous Fork Snake], [Acid Slime], [Chameleon Tiger], [Hungry Moss], [Fire Toad], [Venus Mantrap], [Swamp Mole], [Ancient Treant Colossus]¡­ Even a freaking T-Rex! Elric actually didn¡¯t bother remembering the name of that one. A giant biped reptile with atrophied arms and too many teeth to count was called a T-Rex. No discussion allowed. <4>


    After centuries of infightings inside their little hellish ecosystem, the monsters in the sealed Nowhere were far too much for even your average level 150 to handle. Thankfully, the Wandering Knight, initially without any decent knowledge of swordsmanship, had developed his own style over the nearly two years he spent trekking the Wild.


    It was a style entirely shaped for the purpose of defeating creatures far stronger than himself. In good synergy with his Solar Knight class, it focused solely on devastating attacks and precise evasion while casting away all defence, which would have been utterly useless anyway against foes capable of blasting him into smithereens with a single hit, regardless if he managed to block or not.


    Elric sometimes wondered if he wasn¡¯t supposed to be some sort of magical berserker rather than a paladin. But, if his master claimed a Solar Knight was a paladin, so he was. Even the Reckless Imbecile wasn¡¯t enough of a jackass to go against the quiet old man, who once showed him how to split a mountain in two¡­ with a broom.


    After days of incessant fighting, the Wandering Knight had finally almost reached the fortress, or at least he was sufficiently sure he was kind of likely to be in the general vicinity of it¡­ probably. Progressing stealthily inside a deep and wide trench, where he had discovered traces of an ancient paved pathway, he had suddenly stumbled across the [Vampire Tarantula] nest. The huge heap of silky webs had been completely blocking the way, leaving him no way of bypassing it without making a day long detour, with all the unpleasant encounters it implied.


    By this point, despite the extremely rare and potent pill he had taken, Elric was almost out of mana, his life was hitting rock bottom, and his prided Zweih?nder had been almost eaten by a [Rust Golem] that just happened to stroll by while the Wandering Knight had been battling a bed of [Carnivorous Petunia]. The rest of his equipment had barely survived the encounter unscathed. He still kept using the sword though, since it was still by far his best weapon, even when reduced to half its size, which wasn¡¯t that small anyway. Besides, size wasn¡¯t all that mattered.


    Nevertheless, he had to deal with the troublesome arachnids, one way or another. Therefore, hoping no other threat would appear while he executed his dangerously slow but necessarily low-cost plan, he had spent two hours hidden inside an uncooperative bush he had beaten into submission, all the while successively casting the Nature spell [Oil Refill], the Water [Vaporizing], and the Air [Pleasant Breeze]. The first was intended to fill lamps, the second was almost costless since it depended on the quantity of liquid at hand, and the last one was merely for convenience during hot summers. An extremely cheap combo, true enough, but sufficient to turn the whole nest into a gas explosion waiting to happen.


    An instantaneous and short blaze, exactly what he needed when his protective spells could be cancelled any moment, leaving him to burn if the fire was to last for too long. He wasn¡¯t about to roast himself so close to his goal. He always felt stupid when it happened.


    Then all he had needed was a little [Spark] ¨C and a hastily casted [Earth Wall] to shield him from the initial deflagration ¨C and he had jumped into action, optimising the short interval during which the spiders were stunned to finish off as many as he could, first targeting the most heavily charred monsters.


    People often thought going for the strongest first was a good plan, but the weaklings were always the ones that took one¡¯s attention off the boss right at the worst moment, often when the latter was precisely casting a gigantic [Necroblast].


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Now, both Elric¡¯s surprise effect and Runic fields had lived, but he had achieved his objective, and only less than twenty [Vampire Tarantula] were left.


    ¡°? Hmmhmmm ? Hmmhm hm hmmhm ? Hmhmhmm¡­¡±


    He ran up to an enraged spider, caught glimpse an incoming blur, slightly tilted his head and felt a fast, probably poison-coated, leg brush past his helmet. Nimbly dodging another strike, he leapt under the thorax of the beast and continued to run towards its abdomen, performing an overhead strike that split the creature open and spilled its guts behind him.


    ¡°Hmm ? Hm-Hmmm¡­¡±


    The dying beast collapsing above him, Elric threw himself on the ground, rolled away, and, without getting up, grabbed the leg of another, brutally snapped it, and used the resulting pain jerk to propel himself upwards. After flipping in the air, he landed on the back of the spider, immediately kneeling and thrusting his stump of a sword between its eight eyes, before twisting the blade inside the deadly wound.


    ¡°? Hmmmm ? Pom-pommm ? ¡°


    As the arachnid reared up in agony, the rampaging knight launched himself onto the nearest monster to do the same. He repeated the action five more times before falling short of prey within jumping range.


    ¡°? HmmmHm-Hm ? ? Hmmm...¡±


    Sliding across the ramp that was the back of his latest victim, he stylishly got back on the ground, and, accompanied by the sound of the charred corpses of the minions crunching under his steps, he charged at the next tarantula, which staggered backwards as if in the presence of a dangerous predator.


    ¡°? Hmhmmhm-hm ? Hmm Hm-hm ?¡±


    Exuding an oppressive merciless aura that made the hunoungous arthropod feel like a bug under the foot of a giant, Elric closed the distance and ended the life of his current target in a single slash before setting his sight on the next.


    ¡° ? Hmmhmhmhmm ? Hmm Hm hm Hmm ? ¡±


    And the massacre merrily continued.


    ¡° ? Hmmhmhmhmm ? Hmm Hm hm Hmm ? ¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    As he stepped over the dead body of the matriarch, which hadn¡¯t been comparatively that strong, while wiping the poison off his armour with shreds of flaming web, the Wandering Knight distractedly dismissed the window and distributed his stat points at random.


    He had in total gained three levels since entering the valley of Nowhere. As a player past the hundred, given he hadn¡¯t encountered any unique or named monster, much less a boss, the fact he had gained a level per day said quite a lot about the dangerousness of the place.


    Emerging from the devastated nest, Elric stepped back on the paved pathway, which was much more well-preserved on this side of the spider dwelling. Abnormally so even, opening a long straight gap in the dense vegetation, in spite of being covered in thick moss and tangled crawling ivy.


    Kneeling down, he put a hand on the ground.


    ¡°We had our fun, painful and hot. But you¡¯re wife¡¯s here, untie those knots. [End of Bondage]¡±


    Some of the spells the Knowledgeable had gathered over time had somewhat dubious origins.


    Under the immoral incantation, the vines unravelled, and Elric brushed the remaining moss away, revealing rectangular stones covered in now familiar slowly moving glyphs.


    No mist. A different pattern. Safe to say the spell isn¡¯t to be the same. It shouldn¡¯t be too dangerous. And the power seem low. Either it was drained over the years, or it wasn¡¯t that powerful to begin with. Probably a bit of both. There¡¯s no other path anyway.


    Satisfied, he stood up and started walking again.


    After a relatively uneventful half-hour, during which the flora steadily grew less impenetrable and aggressive while the surrounding trees rapidly shrunk, a crumbled stone wall finally came into view in the distance, merely a few hundred metres down the path.


    Elric smirked.


    ¡°Not a moment too soon¡­ Now let¡¯s go meet with this prin-¡±


    ¡°RRRROOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRGGGLE!!!!¡±


    Spinning around, the irritated knight glared behind him towards the source of the shout, decided to swiftly end the life of the untimely pest¡­ before turning slightly pale.


    Tottering unexplainably fast on the road, a colossal monstrosity was rapidly drawing closer. The ugly giant freak of nature looked like a headless pink, azure and light-green ant-centaur with tentacles instead of arms and legs, shrivelled translucent bat wings coming out of its insectoid back, a huge red eye in the middle of its human-like torso, four nipples, rabbit ears growing on its shoulders, glowing heart tattoos, and a gaping mouth opening where its neck should have been, filled with disproportioned fangs, and alternating at regular interval between breathing out purple fire and explosive rainbow bubbles.


    As if he had seen nothing, Elric calmly showed his back to the absurd being¡­ and started running at full speed towards the castle.


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Here¡¯s a little rainbow</a> for you.


    <2> If anyone is interested in what sit spin looks like, just click</a>.


    <3> Yes, it appears spiders have their taste buds on their legs¡­ Hope they don¡¯t step in excrements too often.


    <4> Because a motherfucking T-Rex is nothing but a Motherfucking T-Rex</a>.


    <hr />


    Eeeeet, voici donc la premi¨¨re¡­ Oh. Sorry. It¡¯s late here.


    Aaaaand, here¡¯s the first fight scene¡­ scenes. THROW THE EPIC MUSIC!!... *cough*


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    I never paid attention to what she¡¯s actually singing beside the title¡­ Shame on me¡­


    Anyway¡­ Hope you liked it¡­ The song I mean. And the chapter potentially, but I personally prefer the song.


    Jests aside¡­ I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s what you expected. I fear I relapsed a bit in my background mechanics fetish. Maybe you would have liked some more random and fantasist ways of fighting? Well, it will probably come (sometimes in the future¡­ I have something about a Cocoon Boss¡­ and a Spartan Chicken further down the line if I read my notes correctly¡­ Why would I have written that down? O_o¡¯ ).


    But I wanted to have a ¡°serious¡±, hopefully vaguely epic, series of fight. And there¡¯s still quite a handful of monsters inside the castle.


    On a side note, Tales of the Blood Princess recently got its 100th follower! (Now 101 as I type those words) Yeeepie! Yeeecake too. Thanks for your support everyone. As a reward, here¡¯s a beautiful and poetic AMV (I like AMVS):


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    As usual, thank you, and see you next chapter for the reversed dungeon break.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.16 – Castle Guards

    Chapter 16 ¨C Castle Guards


    ¡°Fools! Idiots! Imbeciles!


    ¡­ Oh, they''re hopeless.


    A disgrace to the forces of evil.¡±


    ¨C Maleficent,


    Sleeping Beauty


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Three days before breakdown, night (IGT)


    ¡°RROOOOAAARGLE-BLEH-BLEH-BLEH!!!!¡±


    ¡°Nope ¡­ Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.¡±


    Elric was running.


    Behind the Wandering Knight, the oeuvre of a drunken high god on ecstasy ¨C high god indeed ¨C was stumbling on the road at a speed defying all logic of anatomy and motor function combined.


    ¡°How? WHY?! By that asshole Chao-¡±


    ¡°GRAAAAA-BULUBULUBULU!!¡±


    ¡°SHIT!! Shit-shit-shit. What the fuck, seriously? Where did that¡­ thing come out from?!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    The Great Chaos: Out of Nowhere. Of course.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    A window popped into existence right before his eyes, blocking his sight and nearly causing him to trip to his death. After an acrobatic recovery, the unamused knight narrowed his eyes at the blue floating rectangle.


    ¡°YOU!! I knew it! This freak is Your doing, I¡¯m sure. CONFESS YOU BASTARD!!¡± Elric shouted at his Godly Stalker, while aggressively pointing a finger at nothing in particular v which made him look quite silly, in all honesty.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos the Third: It¡­ It was¡­ a Mistake.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Well, if it¡¯s Yours, call it back. I don¡¯t have time to deal with Your handicapped aborted pet right now!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Awesome Myself: I¡¯m a little teapot¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°AAAAAAAAAH!!! Fuck yoooOOUUU Chao-¡±


    ¡°BLLLEEEEHRRRRGH!!!!¡±


    ¡°¡­Oh zounds.¡±


    Mildly cursing, Elric put the matter of the annoying deity aside, for the moment, and focused back on accelerating without losing his balance on the quaking pavement covered in slippery vines and moss. He was exhausted, drained of mana, life and satiety, and Bluerose Castle still was several hundred metres away, supposing that he could even get there before the bubbling freak caught up and that the crumbling ramparts would suffice to protect him of it.


    It¡¯s going to be a tad tight.


    Right now, he wasn¡¯t even considering the monsters awaiting him inside the castle.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°Gobu Ru rik! Hirsh ot tekk ma shrreeft.¡±


    Atop an old stone wall, on a windswept chilly walk, stood a young goblin, fresh from the nursery. Goblin Ru was his name, like he had just stated. His tattered sleeveless shirt was flapping in the cold gale, and he was shivering as he executed an approximate salute.


    In front of him, a burly ¨C as far as goblin burliness went ¨C veteran guardsman, wearing a warm-looking padded gambeson <1> , replied with a disdainful snort, before leaving his post to the junior and, without a look for the trembling Ru, headed for the stairs leading down to the outer courtyard, his short-spanned attention already turned towards the female who was going to warm up his shrunken sword.


    The young Goblin Ru immediately stepped in place of his senior, and nervously glued his eyes to the road leading to the castle. Today was his first day, so he really didn¡¯t want to screw up. After all, watching over the main entrance ¨C at least what was left of it ¨C was an important job. Not one to be entrusted to newbies actually, but the green imp-lookalikes didn¡¯t exactly shone by their intellect. In fact, most goblinologists ¨C a well-respected profession ¨C would say instituting vaguely timed guard duties already quite stretched out the limits of the species¡¯ strategic thinking.


    The large paved way Ru was tasked to keep an eye on actually started under a huge pile of rubbles, where the barbican <2> of the main gate used to stand. The road extended straight towards the woods, about fifty metres away from the walls, and then disappeared into the dense vegetation, like swallowed by a leafy behemoth.


    So close to the fortress, the trees still were relatively short, but the further one got, the taller they became, ending up dwarfing the impressive Bluerose itself. Since the immemorial times when the green tribe had taken up residence in the outer castle ¨C the inner part was filled with undead, which made messy roommates ¨C , the Great Forest had always formed an object of fearful awe, because no goblin who had entered it ever came back.


    Or at least that was what Ru heard from the old shrivelled female taking care of the newly hatched goblings. Since today, on top of being his first day as a watchman, was also his first day exiting of the tunnels full stop, he was quite inexperienced at¡­ at life.


    With the conscientiousness of a stressed out novice, Goblin Ru kept staring at the pathway, staying unmoving despite the freezing wind, and trying his best not to steal a glance at his beautiful childhood friend, Goblin Mia, stationed on the other side of the collapsed entrance.


    He had felt attracted to her since their hatching, six days ago, and had ever since been trying to gather up the courage to talk to her and ask her to let him fertilize her eggs ¨C a very poetic formulation for their kind. He had never dared take action though, both in fear of the nursery idol¡¯s probable rejection and of the stronger adults who also had their sight set on the budding beauty.


    Ru was a romantic goblin, but a bit of a coward.


    Rapidly failing to keep his eyes in check, he unconsciously let his gaze drift towards the young alluring female, and was soon openly feasting on her large hips, tall one metre fifteen, healthy green skin, short protruding tusks, and smooth bald head ¨C Please do not judge goblin aestheticism¡­


    Goblin Ru suddenly noticed Mia too was peeking at him. He blushed, and quickly looked away to hide his cheeks, turning dark green in embarrassment, therefore missing the girl¡¯s teasing smile.


    With his eyes lowered, however, what he didn¡¯t miss was a slight movement in the heap of rubbles. His heart skipping a few beats, he anxiously scanned through the ruined entrance, but all he saw was a rolling pebble.


    Ru sighed, both in relief and in derision of his own cowardice.


    Unfortunately, there was more to come, as numerous other stones, and even small boulders, started to tumble down the pile, as well as from other damaged portions of the ramparts. Soon, the whole castle was shaking and a gargling roar echoed though the thundery night, coming out of the Great Forest¡¯s Maw with the sound of heavy stomping.


    As the trampling noise got louder, a blackened silvery armour suddenly emerged from the gap, desperately running, and closely followed by a demented beast that made all of the guards, Ru and Mia included, gasp in incredulous terror.


    Without slowing down in the least, otherwise at risk of being flattened, or eaten, or both, the armour ¨C No! The ¡°something¡± inside the armour, brilliantly deduced Goblin Ru ¨C materialised an iron javelin in its right hand, and swiftly threw it at the wall. The metal pole flew straight at an unbelievable speed and violently stuck itself between two blocks, protruding horizontally at two thirds of the height of the rampart.


    The flabbergasted onlookers could only stare in disbelieve when the armoured ¡°something¡± then shifted away from the main road, and, as soon as ¡°it¡± stepped out of the cobblestones and onto the grassy soils, a pillar of earth abruptly sprung up under its feet, propelling the running inhabited suit diagonally through the air, a miniature tornado wrapped around it. After a flip, it briefly landed on the planted shaft, and jumped again upwards.


    However, before it could reach the top of the wall, the twirling winds dissipated and the unknown biped suddenly slowed down, arms flapping. Its gauntlets barely managed to catch the edge of a crenel, sending the rest of its body brutally slam headfirst against the stone rampart.


    Spouting incomprehensible furious gibberish, it then hauled itself up, set foot on the rampart walk, and removed its dented helmet, revealing a fuming red face, golden sweat-soaked hair, a wounded forehead bleeding profusely, a pair of green-blue eyes filled with cold rage, and curled-up chops uncovering gritted teeth though which seeped puffs of vaporous breath.


    Ru gawk at the huma. He knew the tall biped was called a ¡°huma¡± thanks to the drawings the old granny goblin had showed the hatchlings, which depicted all sorts of creatures that sometimes tried to invade the castle. However, he had never actually seen one in the flesh. Nor had his parents. Nor his grandparents. Nor great-grandparents. Nor great-great-grandparents. Nor great-great-great-grandparents. Nor great-great-great-great-grandparents. Nor great-great-great-gr¡­ Well, goblins had pretty short lifespans.


    Out of breath, the man ¨C Ru guessed it was a male, although he wasn¡¯t sure, the drawings had been pretty sketchy ¨C angrily muttered something the little green-skinned watchman didn¡¯t understand:


    ¡°Tsh. Fudge. Didn¡¯t expected to run out of mana in mid-air. Damn you Chao-¡±


    ¡°RAAAAAGRLELELELELERGH-BUARGH!!!!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re doing it on purpose, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Not even glancing at the confused goblin beside him, Elric turned back and passed his bust in-between two merlons <3> to glare at the spawn of Anarchy about to collide with the wall right below. Curious, Ru readily imitated him, dangerously leaning over the edge because of his overly short stature.


    The crash was violent, very violently so.


    The shockwave it sent through the stones made the entire fortress shake like jelly on a plate. Miraculously though, the crumbling ruin held on. The careless young goblin, on the other hand, lost balance and tumbled down towards the gaping jagged jaws of the hideous insult to monsterhood. Horrified, he was already regretting not having sooner bang- made his move on Mia, but his fall was abruptly stopped.


    Without much thought, the Wandering Knight had reflexively reached out and caught the little fellow by the collar of his sleeveless shirt.


    A brief and awkward silence followed, during which human and goblin stared at each other. For a moment, Elric seriously considered letting go of the little monster while the choking Ru prayed the Great Ogre that the human did just the opposite. Deciding on a whim to spare the creature, the Sage of the Wild unceremoniously dropped the useless shorty on the rampart walk and then leant back over the crenel to observe the Failed Godly Experiment¡¯s next move.


    Rapidly recovering from the frightening experience ¨C sometimes being racially retarded helped ¨C Goblin Ru joined his saviour to look at the weird composite creature assaulting his home. Although this time, he had the presence of mind to actually bring his guarding stool and to hold himself better.


    Down the wall, the Organic Patchwork appeared undamaged from the earthquake-level impact. Or maybe it was actually dying. Elric couldn¡¯t tell. After all, the creature had looked busted from the very beginning. It had tottered backwards a few dozen metres, and was about to once more hurl itself at the rampart. Seeing this, Goblin Ru stepped back a little while Human Elric braced himself.


    The Mutated Ant-Centaur then ragingly gargled while leaping/sliding/tripping forwards, and Bluerose once more shook on its foundations.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After almost an hour of inefficient onslaughts, the absurd bio-wreck at last gave up and unsteadily staggered away, leaving the castle still mysteriously standing, despite having lost a few stones. Once the Farcical Lovecraftian Oddity disappeared into the woods, everybody gathered atop the wall finally let out a long-withheld sigh of relief.


    The racket had attracted a lot of scared greenies, noted Elric, probably almost the whole tribe. The rampart walk was now quite crowded¡­ and noisy, as all were loudly commenting what just happened, disorderly shouting in their guttural tongue without even listening to each other.


    A few bodies splattered on the ground outside also attested of the racial stupidity.


    The Wandering Knight rolled his eyes at the sight and let out an exasperate remark:


    ¡°Tsh. Really. Goblins¡­¡±


    At the sound of his voice, the closest runts interrupted their unruly soliloquy group session and slowly turned their heads around, before speechlessly staring at Elric who mentally facepalmed.


    Me and my freaking big mouth¡­


    The silence rapidly spread, and the Reckless Imbecile was soon painfully conscious of the weight of more than two hundred pairs of eyes glaring at him, perplexed yet unfriendly. Surrounded by a multitude of unnaturally quiet goblins, even Elric was somewhat uncomfortable.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    ¡°Haha¡­ Go-o-od, this is awkward¡­ Eeeeeh¡­ Well¡­ Haha. Scary, right? I really have nooo idea where that ugly thing came from... Anyway¡­ It was nice meeting you all, but I shall be on my way. I hate to impose myself uninvited. I really do. And, besides, I have a princess to catch, a plane in the hoven, and a cake to rescue. Haha. Nice guarding by the way. I see some sharp¡­ thingies here and there. Good. Very Good. Keep up the good work guys! ¡­ Oh my! That¡¯s a magnificent¡­ spear I guess¡­ you have there, mister¡­ or misses¡­ miss? Haha¡­ I really can¡¯t tell you apart¡­ Such unbecomingly lacking manners. I feel so ashamed¡­¡±


    As he spoke, the Wandering Knight gradually made his way through the heavily, if heterogeneously, armed crowd, discreetly peeking at his status window to check his slowly recovering mana and health. He was already halfway down the stairs, when a goblin finally got out of his daze, raised his ¨C her? ¨C makeshift spear ¨C more of a halberd really ¨C and yelled an angry war cry.


    Answering the bestial call, Halberd¡¯s tribesmen roared and raised in turn their varied weaponry, before charging at the sighing resigned intruder.


    ¡°Why can¡¯t we just all be friends? Friendship is magic, you know?¡±


    Following his useless outdated reference, Elric unsheathed his broken blade, and, in the same movement, swiftly decapitated his five first assailants in a series of bloody geysers.


    ¡°? Hmm Hm-hm Hm-hmmm ? Hmm Hm-hm Hm-hmmm ? What is friendship all about? ?? ¡± <4>


    And the merrily singing knight started to open himself a gory path downstairs.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Blood. Death. Carnage. Chaos. Unfitting cheerful tune.


    The joints of Goblin Ru¡¯s hand whitened as he clenched the grip of his rusted dagger, overwhelmed by fear and horror. Right before his eyes, his fellow tribesmen were being mercilessly slaughtered by a humming demon. Even the strongest veterans were toyed with and slain without even the hope of landing a single hit.


    The rare goblin mages unfortunately had all been gathered on the stairs where the batt- butchery started, and the tamed mountain trolls had been forgotten in the earlier confusion, leaving no other option than a frontal assault. <5>


    In the middle of the green tide, the silvery giant graciously waltzed, half of a sword nimbly flitting around him, severing limbs and slitting throats, wielded by a single hand while the other held a dented helmet that brutally shattered weapons and smashed skulls to smithereens.


    Still on top of the wall, Ru¡¯s whole body was frozen in terror at the sight of this absurd display of undefeatable power.


    He couldn¡¯t just stay there, he thought. He was an adult now. A proud warrior. How could he cower in fear when his brothers and sisters ¨C more like cousins in fact, although inbreeding really didn¡¯t do much good to the average IQ ¨C were being slaughtered a few metres away from him.


    A familiar voice echoed over the cacophony of battle cry and pain howls. At the sound, Goblin Ru jumped out of his petrified state, and abruptly turned in the direction of the shout. Down in the courtyard, Goblin Mia was charging at the silver slaughterer, wielding her chipped battle-axe. The beautiful female ¨C goblin standards ¨C was leading a small group of younglings of the same generation, commanding her troops like a short, green and bald goddess of war.


    ¡°GOBU MIA!! NAAAR!!¡± Ru shouted in despair, but his call was lost in the surrounding tumult.


    Clenching his tusks, the young warrior rushed towards the stairs, jumping down four steps at a time. However, by the time he reached the courtyard, his brood sister¡¯s suicide squad was already in contact with the Singing Silver Death.


    Ru felt his blood boiling.


    At a speed he himself never thought he could reach, he leapt forwards, and interposed his body between Mia and the bloodied blade swooping down on her.


    Then, in a stroke of genius most uncharacteristic of his species, the hopeless goblin executed the only action that could still save the life of his fellow tribesmen, and his own. He abruptly knelt on the ground, lowered his head, and presented his rusted weapon to the enemy.


    ¡°GOBUK SHRNDER! PIZ SPER GOBUK!!¡±


    And he closed his downcast eyes, expecting cold steel to send him to his ancestors any moment.


    Still feeling nothing after a few breaths, the shivering goblin prudently opened his lids, and swallowed hard at the sight of the fractured blade stopped less than a centimetre away from his neck. Lifting his quivering gaze, Ru flinched as he met the bottomless pits of the giant, topped by a pair of raised eyebrows.


    ¡°You¡¯re surrendering?¡± Elric asked, unconvinced.


    Goblin Ru didn¡¯t understand the question.


    ¡°Gobuk shrnder,¡± he nevertheless repeated.


    The Wandering Knight didn¡¯t understand the answer.


    The negotiations weren¡¯t starting well.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The silence prolonged for several seconds, nobody in the courtyard daring to move. The intellectually limited goblins weren¡¯t sure of what the crazy youngster was attempting to do, but since the silver butchering machine they stupidly angered had stopped his rampage, they weren¡¯t about to complain. One tried, actually, but the goblin next to him, struck too by a fleeting moment of brilliance ¨C a contagious disease apparently ¨C , swiftly knocked out the reckless moron about to get them all killed.


    Elric, on his side, was a bit perplexed by the situation. He was used to foes stronger than himself and undead without will, but having monsters bow to him and beg for mercy was¡­ new. Without lowering neither his guard, nor his blade, the Wandering Knight glanced around.


    About fifteen goblins were still standing, and most of them looked either like inexperienced recruits or pensioner too old to fight. In a corner of the courtyard, two extremely dangerous, but fortunately restrained, mountain trolls were pulling on their chains, exited by the smell of blood.


    For intelligence¡¯s sake! Seriously, how stupid are theses goblins¡­


    Bringing his glare back to the small group facing him, he noticed that one of the greenies, equipped with a dented axe, constantly switched from looking at him to their kneeling kinsman. That gave the Sage of the Wild an idea.


    Maybe¡­


    Thinking he might be onto something, the he slowly shifted his weapon from Rusted Dagger to Dented Axe. The genuflected goblin instantaneously looked panicked, and stood up to once more place himself between Elric and his potential victim.


    So that¡¯s what¡¯s going on.


    Although he remained completely incapable to differentiate the bald green imps by their sex, he would have bet his bottom copper that Axe was a female and Dagger a male. There were other similar possibilities, of course, but the look in the eyes of the goblin boy made Elric recognise a male comrade in girlfriendlessness. Sighing, the Single One sheathed his sword and reach his hand out.


    First startled by the sudden movement, Ru then stared puzzled at the hand, before directing upturned eyes towards the silver giant and prudently handing over his glorified kitchen knife.


    Rolling his eyes, Elric pushed the weapon aside and took the hand of the goblin, who almost fainted as a result. He then pointed a finger at himself and slowly pronounced:


    ¡°My na-me is El-ric. El-ric.¡±


    The fact didn¡¯t even cross his mind that introducing himself to the humanoid monster, right after merrily butchering four fifths of his tribe, might have been a bit untimely. Even in serious mode, the Reckless Imbecile was still quite socially inept.


    Thankfully for everyone, Goblin Ru wasn¡¯t a Relationship Nobel Prize either. Or maybe he was just ready to go along with anything the big guy would do, as long as he didn¡¯t start singing and killing people again. So he responded to the curious hand-grasping custom with a large smile, although a tad tensed.


    ¡°Har Huma El. Gobu Ru rik.¡±


    Oh great¡­ Don¡¯t tell me ¡°ric¡± actually means ¡°my name is¡±¡­ What have I done to the gods?


    Ru then turned around to designate the female, who was looking at her friend with wide bewildered eyes.


    ¡°Gobu Mia ris.¡±


    And they even have conjugation. Fascinating. But I really don¡¯t have the time for this right now.


    Elric once more pointed at himself and then at the obsidian tower.


    ¡°I ha-ve to go.¡±


    Still smiling, Ru saluted and replied:


    ¡°Gro Huma El. Grats sper gobuk. Gobuk sri atak. Sri. Sri. Vri Sri. Huma El gret mrci. Gobu Ru nda gobuk shral mebre hur az Sliv Humhum Rmor ohf Ders de Mrcifur.¡±


    ¡°Eeeh¡­ Thank you.. I guess.¡±


    Whatever you say.


    Elric let go of the goblin¡¯s hand, and noticed his own was still covered in the guy¡¯s family¡¯s blood.


    ¡°Oh¡­ Sor-¡±


    He wasn¡¯t sure what he was about to apologize for, but a look at the greenies¡¯ Get-The-Fuck-Out-Of-Here stares dissuaded him to speak further.


    The Humming Demon therefore turned around, leaving the two hugging lovebirds to repopulate their tribe, and walked up to the inner courtyard gate, on the way trying not to step on a few still-breathing crippled goblins that were desperately crawling away from him.


    Upon reaching the door, he marked a small pose and scratch his scalp.


    ¡°The fuck just happened?¡±


    Oh, whatever.


    He pushed the rotting wooden portal.


    However, as soon as it was half-open, a spear thrown from the other side impaled itself in the mossy panel two centimetres away from the knight¡¯s nose.


    After squinting at the still vibrating lethal pole, Elric peeked inside the courtyard and flashed a predatory smile, his eyes glittering with a dangerous light as he opened the gate wide and leapt in.


    ¡°Oh! It¡¯s you guys. I was almost starting to miss you.¡±


    And he punched the first incoming skeleton in its supraorbital foramen.


    ¡°? I¡¯m a little teapot ? Hm Hm Hmm¡­¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Gambeson:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <2> A barbican is a fortified outpost or gateway, such as an outer defence to a city or castle, or any tower situated over a gate or bridge which was used for defensive purposes.


    <3> Merlon (and crenel too¡­):


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <4> It all about spreading happiness</a>.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    If the video doesn¡¯t work, click here</a>.


    <5> And this is in no way the author slacking off here.


    <hr />


    I just fucked myself¡­ That evil song</a> is stuck in my head. *sob*


    My being an idiot aside, I¡¯m way too sensitive. I initially intended Ru to start the battle and be quickly beheaded by Elric, but the little fellow grew on me after he got a potential girlfriend, and¡­ and¡­ I didn¡¯t want him tooooo diiiiieeeee. *SOB*


    I hate killing characters¡­ But I like deaths¡­ Therefore I chose VR¡­ Paradox solved. Still have to be careful with NPCs though.


    Anyway¡­ Grats red. Si hur nrest cheptr.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.17 – Cookies

    Chapter 17 ¨C Cookies


    ¡°Friend something better than chocolate ice cream¡­


    Maybe friend somebody you give up last cookie for.¡±


    ¨C Cookie Monster, Sesame Street


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Day B-1, morning (IGT)


    *SPLARSHhhweeesh*


    The body of the last [Lesser Zombie] brutally splattered on the wall and squished to the floor.


    In the middle of the hall, wearing an armour damaged and sullied, a surprised knight stared blankly at the torn-off head still mindlessly biting at his protected forearm. The living and the dead blinked, then the latter seemed to show hints of an awkward apologetic smile, but that was probably just Elric hallucinating.


    After throwing the fleshy skull in a corner, the Wandering Knight laboriously stumbled towards the huge door leading to the next room, covering his mouth and nose with a hand to shield them from the awful stench of the place. A poor move, since his gauntlets was as soiled as the rest of¡­ well¡­ of everything in sight. This last fight had been a terrible mess.


    As he unsteadily walked over gruesomely butchered corpses, too tired to care about what he was stepping on, the sound of cracking bones and squirting fluids echoed through the silence.


    *plotch*


    ¡°Oh¡­ great.¡±


    Elric lowered his blurred vision and glared irritated at his halved sword, which had escaped his lose grasp and fallen into the ripped belly of a disembowelled cadaver. Sighing, he bent down to retrieve it, but was violently overcome by a sudden wave of nausea. He choked, threw up, then staggered forward and fell flat, headfirst into a horrid mixture of puke and putrid innards.


    *crack*


    He immediately sat back up, emerging from the ghoulish gruel, coughing foreign gore, his previous frugal meal, and mouthfuls of his own blood.


    *cough* *COUGH* ¡°Aaaarrr¡­ FUCK!! Sweet rotten zombie Jesus! Curse you Chaos! And you ¡®Elder¡¯, next time I see you, I slit your throat, rip out your oesophagus and make myself a scarf out of it! Then I¡¯ll heal you and pluck your eyes out, cut your tong and *cough* aaaaaarrrrgh *cough* and slowly *cough* very slowly break every bone in your crooked body. *cough* Then I¡¯ll heal your, and roast you over a fire with barbed iron stakes shoved up your ass. *cough* *cough* *wheeze* *COUGH* Then¡­ I¡¯ll heal you, *wheeze* cut out your shrivelled balls, stuff them in your mouth, *cough* and sew your lips and then take my time to sever each and every of your limbs. Then I¡¯ll heal you and¡­¡±


    Gasping and muttering a grisly litany in a weak exhausted voice, Elric roughly wiped his face, and then stayed immobile, a disgusting taste in mouth, his gaze unfocused, waiting for the room to stop spinning.


    When he finally decided he could stand up and walk, he went to pick up his weapon, and got back to tottering towards the entrance of the next room. In his current state, resting would have been more than advisable. Unfortunately, the window informing him that the air here was poisonous sort of denied him that course of action. He had used some detoxification magic, of course, otherwise he would be long dead, but now that the duration of the pill was over, he had to be careful and spare his precious recovered mana for the fated boss battle.


    That is¡­ If he ever managed to get to the last room of that mazy dungeon.


    Therefore, all he could do was pray Chaos ¨C a god he hesitated to hate but who at least had proven to be listening ¨C that the monsters in the next chamber would be understanding and let him take a short nap before trying to hit / pierce / crush / curse / possess / slash / eviscerate / stab / dissolve / claw / trample / gut / devour him.


    ¡°Haha¡­ right. Not happening.¡± Elric¡¯s sounded gloomy and strung out. ¡°For Chaos¡¯ sake, who asked this fortress to be so fucking vast?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The past thirty hours had been difficult.


    Even before reaching the accursed Bluerose Castle, crossing the valley of Nowhere, three days of near perpetual life and death struggle without sleep, had already dented his endurance. His fight with the goblins had mostly been fuelled by the adrenaline from being chased by Chaos¡¯ dejected offspring. Moreover, back then, instead of taking a break and despite the weaklings¡¯ unexpected surrendering, he had thought it was best to leave before the greenies remembered the two ferocious trolls at their disposal.


    After that and the few first [Skeleton Lancer], [Skeleton Swordsman] and other [Skeleton Mage], a moment of carelessness had casted him down into the tunnels, and he spent the rest of the day fighting his way out of an underground labyrinth filled with traps and various underfed undead.


    To make matters worse, his four days of boost had brutally reached their end, hitting him hard with excruciating side effects. Common stimulants would simply add a fixed value temporarily to some stats. As such, low level potions would rapidly become useless for higher level users, who would then search for more powerful items. Elric¡¯s secret pills, however, actually multiplied by four both the mana and health recovery, regardless of the base level of the one consuming it. Such overpowered drug, besides being awfully complex to prepare, couldn¡¯t be devoid of dangerous drawbacks. The first time the Reckless Imbecile had used the [Four Heavens Pill], he actually died from heart failure the moment the effects had receded.


    Now he somehow had grown partially immune to it, but still felt like his blood vessels were filled with liquid fire flowing backwards, scorching his organs and melting his brain.  Calling it unpleasant was quite the understatement and he only resorted to the pill when he was determined to succeed whatever it took. As for ingesting several pills over a short period of time, even he thought of it as the self-destructive madness of a deranged masochist ¨C which he wasn¡¯t.


    His pitiable state was partially his fault in fact. The [Four Heavens Pill] took some time to show effect, so ingesting it during a fight would be completely useless, except if said fight drew out for nearly an hour. Therefore, without any foreknowledge of what to expect from Nowhere, he had immediately swallowed the drug, hoping an efficient combination of spells, sustained by his heightened mana regeneration, would grant him the stealth and speed necessary to rapidly reach the princess¡¯ tower.


    However, in the end, he had underestimated the difficulty, and had been caught by the side effects in a dangerous situation.


    Narrowly escaping the acid breath of a [Corrosive Decaying Salamander], he had collapsed in the stagnant waters of an abandoned sewer, and stayed there unable to move for more than an hour before his body had stopped uncontrollably shaking and the pain finally became bearable.


    Miraculously, no foe bigger than a [Common Leech] ¨C albeit a few hundreds of it ¨C had found him in his improvised hiding place. In doubt, he had addressed fast thanks to the God of Chaos for granting him the [Luck] stat, which might or might not have helped.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The ancient wooden panel creaked open on its rusted hinges, slowly revealing a long corridor shrouded in darkness, its distant end indiscernible in the thick shadows. Wary of surprise attacks and traps, the staggering knight stepped inside, keeping up the best guard he could and carefully surveying his blurry surroundings in the feeble light of his [Lantern of the Selfish One].


    *woosh*


    However, as soon the Elric left the corpse-filled room, a pair of torches suddenly lit up, one on each side, their ghastly green flames struggling against the obscurity. The phenomenon rapidly progressed along the walls, filling the hallway with an eerie dim glow. Then the gate closed behind him with a loud slam.


    *sigh*


    Oh, please¡­ Why so clich¨¦? Stop toying with me, Blueweed Cripple, I¡¯ve spent my patience for your shit, he thought while taking a better look around.


    The walls and ceiling were of the same dark grey stone Elric had seen throughout the keep. Red and blue tiles covered the floor, composing an intricate but trashed mosaic. Although Elric could guess what it was supposed to represent. The signature cobalt flower to a backdrop of ruby blood was everywhere in the castle. At regular interval, tattered tapestries, weaved of forgotten feats, and rotten portraits depicting long dead royals hang loosely in-between shattered statues of unrecognisable past heroes.


    At the extremity of this sad disgraced hall of fame, two dreadful armours stood immobile, seemingly guarding a huge black metal gate. One was bulky, crude and oppressive, a weighty morning-star resting on its shoulder, the other comparatively shorter ¨C although still as tall as Elric ¨C and exuding a cold aura of power and sharpness, while a grim-looking sword was strapped to its waist. To make matters worse, both armours were headless and held their helmeted livid visages under their left arm.


    [Dullahan]. Two of them. And they look high level at that. Crap... I''m in no condition for this.


    The exhausted Knowledgeable briefly entertained the idea of just sitting there and resting for a while, but he greatly doubted the two higher undead would nicely let him be. At least not after the unoriginal light show that had indiscreetly announced his arrival.


    Kind enough to confirm Elric''s supposition, the bigger [Dullahan] let out a menacing wail, and started to heavily walk towards the knight, scattering small flat coloured stones with each step and aggressively swinging its spiked mace around, incidentally reducing a neighbouring bust to rubbles.


    Elric didn''t want to be cornered against the locked ¨C he checked ¨C door, so he gathered all the strength he had left, and leapt forward, blade raised, to engage the undead bulldozer. He knew his chances of fending off a joint attack by the two monsters were slim at best, however he also thought he could still somehow manage in one on one. But for this, he had to take down the first quickly, without leaving time for the second to join the fray.


    However, before he could reach the slow-paced creature, or even decide if he could spare some mana, a gust of wind rushed past the giant undead, along with a metallic hiss and a greenish flash. Stopping his charge, Elric hastily blocked the sonic slash, and felt his whole abused body protest when the two swords collided in a burst of spark.


    Then he lost contact with the ground.


    His eyes widened as the slimmer [Dullahan] suddenly materialized in front of him. A blink before, the demon had been standing by the door, showing no intention of moving.


    *BAM*


    Elric¡¯s back crashed into the wall and all the air fled his lungs. Mirroring the [Lesser Zombie] he defeated moments before ¨C Oh, the Irony ¨C he slid to the ground where he stayed unmoving, unable to catch his breath.


    Damn. This one''s far stronger than I thought. FUCK! Just because I mistimed this freaking dungeon, I''m going to get axed off by a freaking humanoid armoured headless chicken! And I even promised Dorothy I''d be fine. Big Brother must always keep his promises! I can''t die now, I''m almost there. If anything, that big ass scary door is the entrance to the fucking boss room. I can''t fall to a pair of Irish folktales. I''d prefer go back and let that green shorty Ru slit my throat! Damn. CURSE YOU CHAOS!! Where¡¯s Your sorry godly all-stalking ass when mine''s on the line?! UH?!?! Damn. Damn. FUCK!!


    *crack*


    As all these thoughts flashed in Elric''s despaired mind, the undead swordsman calmly walked up to him, lifted the breathless knight''s chin with the tip of its sword, and raised its detached fleshy skull at the level of its defeated opponent''s eyes.


    Then, the head spoke:


    ¡°Hohohoho! Not bad, kid. Taking my strike head on like th¡¯head. You¡¯re good, I''ll give you th¡¯head. Oh. Sorry about the wall thing. Hohohoho! Really. I want¡¯head to ghead some exercise, but it''s been such a long time since I fought head¡¯nyone other than Tazius¡­ and th¡¯head big empty-headed idiot is rather tough. Hohohoho! Head even worse at controlling his strength than me. He''s a bit of a meathead, you see. Hohohoho! If I headn''t stopped you, he would head¡¯ve shortened you by a few heads by now. Hohohoho! But, you know, you really don''t want to head inside th¡¯head tower, trust me. Hohohoho! Why not calmly sit down head talk about it? Head to head. Hohohoho! Oh! The name''s Headison by the way.¡±


    *crack*


    Elric blinked at the cranium.


    ¡°Uh?¡±


    Head... ison?! God...


    ¡°Chaos, what have you done?¡± Elric wispered.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos the Defendant: Please refer to my lawyer¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Ma?tre Random: My client is INNOCENT!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°...¡±


    OBJECTION!!!


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°Here. Have some.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Thank you very much. Hohohoho!¡±


    ¡°Grrrrr-¡±


    ¡°Quiet Tazius.¡±


    As he passed a jar full of handmade cookies ¨C baked with Dorothy... sombre memoirs ¨C to the smiling [Dullahan ¡°Headison¡±], Elric was making a complicated face. On the side, the one apparently named [Dullahan ¡°Tazius¡±] was just kinda growling, babbling and drooling.


    The Reckless Imbecile wasn''t too sure what to make of the situation. Half of his mind lent towards thinking all of this was some kind of candid camera set up by the God of Chaos ¨C Am I some kind of reality show in the gods¡¯ realm? ¨C while the other half was starting to resign itself to constantly bump into weirdos.


    In all honesty, much of the stuff Nicolas had done throughout his gaming life had been messed up one way one another. But still¡­ Having a cookie party with a pair of headless zombies in armours was a first. He wasn¡¯t too sure how to rate Headison and Tazius, the comedic [Dullahan] duo, on his Scale of Odd. Probably somewhere between Josiane ¨C he named her that ¨C the acrophobic [Harpy] and the [Squinting Earthworm of Doom ¡°Philibert¡±]¡­


    The fuck is going on with my life?


    Unaware of his interlocutor''s deep inner consternation, Headison continued to soliloquise:


    ¡°....and th¡¯head''s when I discov¡¯head zombies weren''t actually rotting, *crunch* but th¡¯head their flesh was gradually being broken down by the very magic th¡¯head rhead¡¯sed them. *crunch* Hohohoho! So silly. *crunch* Like th¡¯head time when th¡¯head sluttish [Haunt¡¯head Decayed Bust] was giving hea-¡±


    ¡°Sorry to interrupt you, Ed- Headison, but I¡¯d like to ask you something. Is that alright?¡±


    And I reeeeaaally don''t want any more detail about your sex partners. I¡¯m already not feeling all that well. I don¡¯t think my stomach can endure another round of your necrophilic exploits.


    ¡°Please ask, my friend. *crunch* Hohohoho! If I can head¡¯lp you with some- *crunch* something th¡¯head bothers you, I''ll do my bheadst. *crunch* After all, two heads are better than one! AH! But I can¡¯t tell you about the secr¡¯heads of Bluerose. *crunch* I¡¯ve a job head a r¡¯headputation to maintain after all. Hohohoho! Aside from th¡¯head, answering you isn''t a bother at all. *crunch* I like talking.¡±


    Yeah... I noticed.


    Elric kept himself from rolling his eyes in irritation, and made a umpteenth attempt to redirect the ¡°conversation¡± towards the subject that concerned him.


    ¡°Then¡­ what did you mean by I ¡®really don¡¯t want to head inside that tower¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Th¡¯head? Right. Hohohoho! Well, *crunch* it¡¯s nothing to bother you head about. Just th¡¯head nobody ever got out of there alive.¡±


    Indeed¡­ nothing important at all¡­


    ¡°¡­not out, nor much in for th¡¯head matter. Hohohoho! I¡¯m quite good with the sword after all, especially with decapitations. *crunch* Even for you, def¡¯headting me is something you¡¯d better ghead out of your head kiddo. Hohohoho!¡±


    ¡°So you really can¡¯t let me through?¡±


    ¡°No. *crunch* I can¡¯t. Hohohoho! I told you alr¡¯heady. *crunch* Or did you alr¡¯heady forgot? Hohohoho! What¡¯s in that head of yours? *crunch* Hohohoho! I¡¯m the head guard here, and my job here with Tazius is to head¡¯nsure nobody ghead through th¡¯head door.¡± He patted the huge black metal gate. *crunch* ¡°Don¡¯t you ghead what would happen if the head guard were to negl¡¯head his job?! Hohohoho! I¡¯ll tell you. *crunch* ANARCHY!! Head¡¯vryone would start doing head¡¯nything th¡¯head crosses their heads, *crunch* nobody would be head¡¯ble to make head nor tail of head¡¯nything head¡¯nymore, head all semblance of organization would crumble! Hohohoho! *crunch* It would be like jumping headfirst into troubles!¡±


    Yeah¡­ Because the current Bluerose Castle is such a model of order and coordination¡­


    ¡°Although, *crunch* as long as you don¡¯t try to head into the guardian¡¯s room, *crunch* I don¡¯t really care what you do head¡¯nywhere else in the castle. Hohohoho!¡±


    Such a zealous head guard¡­ Weren¡¯t you just talking about responsibility and management an instant ago? Thanks for the info though.


    He eyed the big ass door.


    Guardian¡¯s room, mmmh? Wonder what the fellow looks like¡­ Well, I¡¯ll know soon anyway.


    Unconcerned by Elric¡¯s silence, Headison continued:


    ¡°Beside, *crunch* like I s¡¯head *crunch* ¡­ Can I have another cookie?¡±


    Elric readily opened him the jar.


    ¡°Please do. You were s¡¯hea¡­ saying?¡±


    ¡°Hohohoho! Thank you. *crunch* Yes, like I s¡¯head, you don-¡±


    ¡°Grrrrrr!¡±


    ¡°Tazius! Behead¡¯ve yourself in front of our head¡¯stimated gu¡¯headst.¡±


    ¡°Please stop that¡­¡±


    ¡°Stop what?¡±


    *sigh* ¡°Nothi-¡±


    ¡°GRRRABABRUK!! T¡¯zius ¡®ant kikiii!¡±


    ¡°Right¡­ Here. Have one Big Guy.¡±


    ¡°KIKIIIII!!! Nom nom nom nom nom¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Did he just say that out loud? I¡¯m speechl¡¯headss¡­ Damn! That thing is contagious.


    *crack*


    The Reckless Imbecile¡¯s natural folly was starting to awaken under the tidal waves of absurdity that tirelessly struck him. However, by regularly reminding himself of the promise he made to Dorothy, Elric managed to keep his tired mind relatively clear while the world around him seemed to go crazier by the minute. Right now, he couldn¡¯t afford to lose focus. He had been overly lucky twice already, and his current grim self wasn¡¯t about to let luck ¨C nor [Luck] ¨C decide again of his success or failure.


    The pair of atypical [Dullahan] were certainly too strong for him to take head on ¨C no pun intended, this is serious. Except if he went all out, which would leave him unable to face the boss that Headison had confirmed to be in the next room. Also, counting on a time to rest between the comedic duo and the unknown ¡°guardian¡± was a chance to hazardous to take.


    That didn¡¯t mean the Wandering Knight was giving up. In fact, his plan had already been set into motion the moment he had confirmed he couldn¡¯t talk his way through the undead gatekeepers.


    ¡°Hohohoho! Those are really good. *crunch* It¡¯s been head¡¯ges since *crunch* the last time I head some sweets. Hohohoho! *crunch* Although we don¡¯t really need food, *crunch* but th¡¯head doesn¡¯t mean *crunch* we can¡¯t enjoy head¡¯ting. Right? Hohohoho! And th¡¯head little piquant aftert¡¯headste¡­ Mmmmmh. Head¡¯xquisite. Hohohoho!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the personal touch of the bakers,¡± Elric commented with a mysterious smirk.


    ¡°Galbradabu *nomnom* dadupadergrrrrrabteltrsh *BURP* Kiiikkii grroood.¡±


    ¡°Glad you like them, Big Guy.¡±


    Undead love cookies. Who knew?  Well, as the saying goes, ¡°Come to the Dark Side¡­¡± Right?


    Elric innocently smiled as the two partners stuffed themselves with his homemade pastries, which were rapidly disappearing inside the mouths of their severed heads.


    Wait¡­


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Headison?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to sound discourteous, but, need to or not aside, how are you even eating?¡±


    ¡°What are you talking ab- Oh! Hohohoho! Of course. I g¡¯head what ups¡¯heads you.¡±


    First and furthermost, your speech pattern. At the very least make some more elaborated puns¡­ On second thought, please don¡¯t.


    ¡°You see¡­ *crunch* The two parts of our necks are in fact linked by some kind of dimensional magic.¡±


    The Knowledgeable raised an eyebrow at the answer.


    ¡°Why would that be?¡±


    He was genuinely intrigued.


    Headison shrugged, and replied:


    ¡°Hohohoho! I head¡¯ve no idea. *crunch* I¡¯m no necromancer. *crunch* But how could we control our bodies otherwise?¡±


    ¡°Makesh shensh.¡± Elric commented as he himself distractedly nibbled on a little flat cake. He swallowed, then added: ¡°While I¡¯m at it, I thought liches were the only undead capable of constructed speech. But obviously I was wrong. How is that?¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    The armoured corpse was surprised by the question, and started to scratch his chin in wonder. The act was pretty odd-looking, since the severed head laid on the ground besides its owner, but the Sage of the Wild made no comment to avoid once more derailing the discussion.


    Eventually, Headison seemed to reach a conclusion.


    ¡°Well, if I hazard¡¯head a guess¡­ *crunch* I would say it isn¡¯t limit¡¯head to liches, but¡­ since those are often former humans, or mages from any sentient rhead¡¯ce really, th¡¯head turned into undying skel¡¯head¡¯tons of their own will, *crunch* it would make sense they found a way to retain all their head. Hohohoho! Nobody would want to be an immortal retard. Hohohoho! *crunch* As for me¡­ well, I suppose it¡¯s because I was r¡¯headsed from a strong soul and am very ancient. After all, my old¡¯headst cohead¡¯rent memory d¡¯heades back a millennium or two. Hohohoho! Difficult to be precise while stuck in this ever-dark plhead¡¯ce¡­ Well, I say th¡¯head, but it isn¡¯t true for all undhead though¡­¡±


    Both of them turned their gaze towards Tazius, who was liking the fingers of his gauntlets and spouting baby talk.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ Although he¡¯s not like most undead I met. He seems rather¡­ incomplete?¡±


    ¡°Head¡¯xactly¡­ But that¡¯s bec- Oh! Hohoho! Can¡¯t tell you th¡¯head. Sorry¡­ By the way, can I?¡±


    ¡°Be my guest.¡±


    ¡°Thank you very much. *crunch* ¡±


    As he took back the half-empty cookie container, a thought struck the Wandering Knight.


    ¡°A millennium or two? So you you¡¯ve got nothing to do with the Great Demise? And has nobody succeeded in defeating you in all that time?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Pouting God: See¡­ Told you that wasn¡¯t my fault¡­ Why do people always think I¡¯m responsible for everything unusual? That¡¯s so not fair¡­ Meany.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    How old are YOU?!


    Rolling his eyes, Elric turned his attention back to Headison. Again, his interest was real. Information concerning the state of the Erwynian Kingdom might not be in direct relation with his current quest, but all data was good to take. And he hadn¡¯t anything better to do right now.


    ¡°I¡¯ve no knowl¡¯headdge of th¡¯head ¡®Gr¡¯head Demise¡¯ you speak of. Although it is true th¡¯head I head¡¯ven¡¯t show my head outside in quite some time. Hohohoho! *crunch* Head people came alright. They were quite numerous at a time. Hohohoho! Tazius and I head our sh¡¯headre of def¡¯headt. It was thirty-four to forty-two in my favour I recall corr¡¯headctly.¡±


    ¡°Grrr¡­ Elvs no count.¡±


    ¡°Yes it does. It¡¯s your fault for always charging ahead like an empty-headed gorilla.¡±


    ¡°Bapudabubadbadu!!¡±


    ¡°Well, you should head¡¯ve known that they head a cleric with them.¡±


    ¡°KretabrbrbrbrrrrbadpuligrrrPWUAH!!¡±


    ¡°You know very well th¡¯head I don¡¯t!¡±


    ¡°Bobostingyarrowsabravuda¡­ Headson¡¯sooooperfectdgrrridabobobro¡­.¡±


    Picking up his pouting head, Tazius stood up, walked away, and crouched in a corner, from where the two others could still perfectly perceive his raging gibberish.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°He took the cookies.¡±


    ¡°Hoho¡­ ho¡­ yes¡­ he did¡­ Well, th¡¯head was pretty mean of me¡­ He isn¡¯t head¡¯tirely to bl¡¯headme for th¡¯head time¡­ Head¡¯nyway¡­ Back to your qu¡¯headstion¡­ Know th¡¯head, even in def¡¯headt, I never remain down for too long, and rapidly rhead¡¯se again.¡±


    ¡°Most undead do.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Hohohoho! We¡¯re quite headstrong, if I may say.¡±


    Respawn, uh? Well, obviously. In spite of having a few loose screw, he¡¯s still a named mini-boss.


    ¡°Ah. Good to hear. I was intrigued, you see, for the surrounding Kingdom of Erwyn has for three centuries already been plagues by hordes of rampaging undead.¡±


    ¡°Is th¡¯head so? Hohohoho! I actually thought things were rather qui¡¯head recently. So th¡¯head¡¯s why¡­ Th¡¯head¡¯s quite a sh¡¯headme. From the few outsiders I m¡¯head over the years¡­ well the few th¡¯head accept¡¯head to listen to me¡­ I head gath¡¯headrd that Erwyn was a pr¡¯headtty charming land to live in.¡±


    ¡°Quite a shame indeed. I have travelled a good deal in the country, and it is all but ruined. [Lesser Ghoul], [Slasher Spectre], [Wailing Mother]¡­ The place really is a paradise for undead.¡±


    ¡°That may be true, but I¡¯m not particularly proud of the aesthetic tastes of my kind.¡±


    He did look annoyed and lost in thoughts. Elric didn¡¯t miss this instant of carelessness.


    As if a thought had just crossed his mind,  he let his fist fall in his other open palm, and exclaimed:


    ¡°Right! If you aren¡¯t linked with the grand curse, that means the Immortal Princess isn¡¯t some lich necromancer of sorts, is she?¡±


    Staring at the green ghostly flames of a torch ¨C well, holding his head in that direction at least ¨C the [Dullahan] distractedly replied:


    ¡°Of course she is. Did you think the castle cursed itself all alone? Although I don¡¯t believe she¡¯s much of a necromancer¡­ Most of the und¡¯head around here are sloppily r¡¯headsed. Look at poor Tazuius. But what do I know? I¡¯m stuck here head¡¯nyway. Head she never leaves that tower of hers¡­ On the other head, bheadsed on what those people s¡¯head, she¡¯s not a lich per say. She¡¯s more of a v- Ho!¡±


    Abruptly interrupting his absent-minded mumbling, Headison pivoted his helmet to glare at the Wandering Knight, who returned him a look as innocent as the one of a cute puppy¡­ Well¡­ a cute puppy covered in dried gore and with bits of intestines in the hairs, but innocent nevertheless ¨C What do you mean a corpse? Oh! That corpse. Haha. Not mine. What bloody knife? Oooh! THAT knife. Hehehe¡­ I really have no idea how that got in my hand¡­ Haha¡­ Could you please turn around for a second?


    ¡°Ho! Kid! I thought I told you not to ask ab-¡±


    ¡°Headison. Do you know the story of the two helmets?¡±


    ¡°¡­No?¡±


    ¡°Well, one said to the other: ¡®Just wait here for a bit longer, I¡¯ll go on a head.¡±


    ¡°HOHOHOHO! Nice one. Nice one. Hohoho! Head do you know the one about the ha-¡±


    ¡°Sorry, but I¡¯m really tired right now, and it¡¯s going to be tough to fight my way back outside, so I¡¯m going to take a nap over there. It was nice talking to you. I¡¯ll be sure to say goodbye before leaving.¡±


    Elric got up and started to walk away.


    ¡°¡­ Wait! What do you mean?¡±


    Turning back, Elric shrugged, like the undead was asking something obvious.


    ¡°Well¡­ You won¡¯t let me go further. I can¡¯t beat you. We¡¯re quite at an impasse here. And those cookies were the last bit of food I had left. I¡¯m not like you. I actually need to eat, so I can¡¯t stay here much longer. I don¡¯t have endless stamina either, and it¡¯s been days since I last slept. I¡¯m sort of at my limit. So I¡¯ll sleep for a while and then head out.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Alright then.¡± Headison looked quite dejected to so soon lose his first new chat-buddy in centuries. ¡°Well. Be sure to come back when you¡¯re stronger. We can head¡¯ve a decent fight then, or sh¡¯headre some more cookies. Or both.¡±


    ¡°Right, I¡¯ll do th¡¯head¡­ that. Good night.¡±


    ¡°Hohohoho! I don¡¯t sleep¡­¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. Right.¡±


    As he turned away from the friendly [Dullahan], Elric¡¯s bright grin left his face, replaced by a faint cynical leer.


    ¡°? Hm Hm Hm-hmm Hmm ? Hm-Hm Hm-hm Hm¡­¡±


    Humming Chopin¡¯s funeral march <1>  to match the clich¨¦ ambiance of the place, the Wandering Knight slowly walked up to the entrance of the corridor, laid down, and closed his eyes.


    ¡°? Hm Hm Hm-hmm Hmm ? Hm-Hm Hm-hm Hm¡­¡±


    And logged out.


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have logged out.


    Linked Time [28:47:22]


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Nicolas stepped out of his W-chair, and glanced at the glowing moon up the wall.


    ¡°Almost eleven already¡­ Well, I thought as much. I¡¯ll have to pull an all-nighter. A day in-game should be enough to wrap this up¡­. Five¡­  No, let¡¯s say eight¡­ Which is thirty-two¡­ It should work¡­ Well, I can¡¯t really skip school tomorrow. Not showing up of the first day of the semester doesn¡¯t look good after all¡­ Oh. I¡¯ll decide tomorrow. I always change my mind at the last minute anyway.¡±


    *yawn*


    Without lighting up the apartment, he languishingly stretched and he went to grab some snacks in fridge. After eating, he took a quick shower, then distractedly browsed the forums, slowly emptying a bottle of water, while his eyes constantly came back to the clock.


    When the minute hand reached six, he closed his computer and stood up from the couch.


    ¡°About three hours. Should have been enough.¡±


    He sat back into his gaming device, lowered the back, pulled the headgear down, and smirked bitterly.


    ¡°? Hm Hm Hm-hmm ? Hmm Hm-Hm Hm-hmm Hm¡­ Untold Tales. Log In.¡±


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C


    The metallic smell and taste of blood. The acid ones of vomit. Hard floor. Stiffness. Cold. Pain.


    ¡°It¡¯s always such a pleasure to be back.¡±


    After taking a few seconds to recover from the abrupt shift, from after-bath freshness to tortured body and slaughterhouse stench, Elric rose from the destroyed mosaic, stretched his aching body and finally turned around to look at the collapsed headless armours behind him.


    ¡±Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew, ?


    Cover it with choc''late ? and a miracle or two,


    ? The Candy Man,


    Oh the Candy Man can. ?¡± <2>


    Oh. That¡¯s quite old isn¡¯t it?


    Lightly singing, the Suspicious Candyman skipped his way to Headison¡¯s helmet that had rolled facedown a few metres away from his lifeless body, and picked it up.


    ¡°Oh? You dead?¡±


    *cough*


    ¡°¡­Very funny kid. Hoho- *wheeze**COUGH* Heuargh!¡±


    The severed head shook violently as it coughed up some black smoky ooze. When the painful-looking retching fit came to an end, Headison glared scornfully at Elric.


    ¡°What head¡¯ve you done to us?!¡±


    ¡°Who knows? Maybe you¡¯re allergic to cookies?¡±


    ¡°Like th¡¯head could be the c¡¯headse!¡±


    ¡°Or you ate to fast?¡±


    ¡°Stop mocking me!¡±


    ¡°Food poisoning is pretty common, you know?¡±


    ¡°DON¡¯T THINK I CAN¡¯T TRASH YOU JUST BEC-*COUGH* *COUGH* Haaaaaarshhhh¡­¡±


    More muddy darkness leaked from the undead¡¯s mouth, now also tearing out of his eyes, while its remaining skin looked like it was decaying at an accelerated rate, whole parts of it shedding away and revealing underneath twitching and swirling shadows with sparks of burning light snaking in.


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯m pretty sure you can¡¯t. You should just have let me pass through.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Why are you so d¡¯head s¡¯head on running to your doom?¡±


    ¡°I promised.¡±


    ¡°A woman?¡±


    ¡°Almost. My little sister. Not by blood though.¡±


    ¡°Family uh¡­ Can¡¯t say I understand. Well, a *cough* a knight should always keep his promises. *wheeze*¡±


    ¡°I intend to.¡±


    ¡°Good. I admit def¡¯headt then. Hoho*cough* No laughing¡­ Hem¡­ As the ghead¡¯keeper of the Blood Princess¡¯ tower, *wheeze* I grant you access to the ro- aaarrrh to the room of the Guardian to f¡¯headce your last challenge!¡±


    Blood Pincess¡­ It only gets better and better doesn¡¯t it?


    ¡°So, what now? Do you give me some spell to open the door? Or is it a runic lock? Some old Soul Magic perhaps?¡±


    ¡°No, the key is in a pouch on my belt.¡± His blurring eyes rolled to point at his collapsed body. ¡°Over there.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ We can¡¯t be grandiose all the time.¡±


    ¡°I guess not¡­¡±


    ¡°Kid. I¡¯d like you to grant me two final requ¡¯headsts.¡±


    ¡°Two? You¡¯re pretty demanding. And what¡¯s with the ¡®final¡¯? It¡¯s not li-¡°


    ¡°I¡¯M AGONISING DAMM¡¯HEAD!!¡±


    ¡°Alright, alright. But I promise nothing. What is it?¡±


    ¡°How did you do it? I saw you head¡¯ting those cookies¡­ Damn. Def¡¯headted by pastries. My honour will never recover. And, besides, und¡¯head can¡¯t be poisoned!¡±


    ¡°Ever heard of ARS?¡±


    ¡°I beg your pardon?¡±


    ¡°Acute Radiation Syndrome, also known as radiation poisoning. It¡¯s a disease from my world. It¡¯s pretty vicious. When exposed to too much radioactivity, the DNA can be damage and the body starts to break down at a cellular level, a bit like an accelerated form of¡­ Well, I¡¯ll spare you the scientific gibberish. Let¡¯s just say it eats and melts you from the inside, but it¡¯s your own warped body that kills you, so you can¡¯t do much about it. Haha. Isn¡¯t it great?¡±


    *crack*


    ¡°Of course, finding something like polonium around here is pretty difficult. Trust me, I¡¯ve tried. But I discovered something fun while experimenting on some undead a few months ago. You see, I had those candies I usually give to kids. Special candies, coated in a low level healing spell and some Sun magic. Once ingested, the implanted sunlight radiates the cure from the inside of the body. I call it [Healthy Candy]! Nothing miraculous, but it can keep common cold away, and the likes. Even I use them quite often. A runny nose during a fight is really uncomfortable¡­ on top of being majorly uncool. Oh! But you can¡¯t understand that¡­ Hahahaha.¡±


    *crack*


    Headison looked flabbergasted as the blood covered young man progressed through his exited explanation, rapidly slipping into a sadistic sciency delirium, a wild childish grin plastered on his face, and sparkles of madness emerging from the dark whirlpools of his eyes.


    ¡°But what¡¯s truly fascinating, is the devastating effect it has on Darkness-affiliated beings! It break them down at their very core, ruptures the magical bindings that hold them together, tortures them, messes up their biology and ravages their mind! Hahaha! And much faster that true ARS would ever kill someone! Haha! And the best of it, the very magnificence of the stuff, it¡¯s that the magic is so feeble it¡¯s practically impossible to detect!! HA! ¡­ Of course, getting the dark creature to eat enough of it is the tricky part, but once it¡¯s done, all you have to do is to chill out and watch as they slowly agonize, unable to understand what¡¯s happening to them.¡±


    *crack* *crack*


    ¡°Hahahaha! In fact, when they notice something is wrong, IT¡¯S ALREADY TO LATE!! HahaHaaaaa. I really had difficulties holding my laughter when you told me I couldn¡¯t beat you while you were stuffing yourself with my [Healthy Cookie]! Pffffft HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ooooh¡­ That was priceless! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    After a good minute of uncontrollable laughter, the knightly mad scientist finally calmed down.


    ¡°¡­ Hahaha¡­ haaa¡­. ha. No good. No good. I¡¯m not done yet. Focus Elric. Focus. Think Dorothy. Riiight. It¡¯s not the right time to lose it. Pffffiou¡­ So¡­ Sorry about that¡­ Did you say something about a second ¡®dying¡¯ wish?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh? Headison?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Headdy?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­oh.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh, ?


    Soak it in the sun ? and make a groovy lemon pie


    ? The Candy Man,


    Oh the Candy Man can. ?¡±


    Juggling with Headison¡¯s lifeless skull, the Wandering Knight made his way to the [Dullahan]¡¯s body, then picked up the key, and walked up to the door, not forgetting to check that Tazius too had kicked the ¡°buck¡¯head¡±. He had. In fact, the big idiot had even managed to stick his severed head in the empty jar.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    *click*


    Contrary to all the other doors, the black metal gate actually turned on its hinges without a sound, silently opening on a vast obscure room filled with colonnades.


    As he was contemplating the awaiting darkness, Elric noticed he was still holding Mr. Oozy Head, and unceremoniously threw it over its shoulder.


    *clonk* *rollrollroll*


    ¡°Now. Let¡¯s go say ¡®Hi!¡¯ to this ¡®Blood Princess¡¯! Come with the best you got, Guardian. Big Bro Elric is in the place!¡±


    And he stepped into the room.


    ¡°Hmm-hm ? The Candy Man can ''cause ? he mixes it with love ? and makes the world taste good. ?¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Here it is (for those who don¡¯t know this little masterpiece):


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> From ¡°Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory¡± (1971), lovely classic.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    I wonder if he made the kids pay, or just sent the note to their parents. The funny thing is that, later, he refuses to sell candies to Charlie, because he doesn¡¯t have money¡­ Hypocritical asshole.


    <hr />


    I maintain that the Oompa Loompas</a> are the original Minions¡­


    On a side side note, do you think people are generally bothered by gender bender? It doesn¡¯t have anything to do with this chapter. Just a random thought. I personally love it. Not that much in the perverted sense ¨C although I don¡¯t spit on it</a> ¨C but more like the secret identity kind of thing you find in Pretty Face</a>, Nicoichi</a>,  Saver</a>,  Basara</a>,  Ouran Koukou Host Bu</a> (Ouran High School Host Club), 1/2 Prince</a>,  Ame Nochi Are</a>,  Tripeace</a> (although that manga fell flat on its face¡­), Nononono</a>,  W Juliet</a>,  AKB49</a>, Boku Girl</a>,  Tetsuwan Birdy Decode</a>,  Mayo Chiki!</a>,  I My Me! Strawberry Eggs</a>, Fudanshism</a> (Please, someone pick up the translation of that crappy manga! I love it.), Tokyo Crazy Paradise</a>, Otome wa Boku ni Koishiteru</a>, Maze¡îBakunetsu Jikuu</a> (aka. Maze the Megaburst Space), Kuragehime</a> (Princess Jellyfish), as well as Alice Tale</a>, Only Sense Online</a>, and Daybreak on Hyperion</a>¡­ Well, we could also add  Tenshi na Konamaiki</a> (Cheeky Angel), Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl</a> and Maria?Holic</a> to the mix, but those are a little different. (And I¡¯m not sure I liked K?mpfer</a>.) Why was I talking about again? Ah, right¡­ Anyway, I was just wondering.


    Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for scenes of our nex- in fact no¡­ I¡¯ll have to write the thing first¡­ Well, see you.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.18 – Sleeping Beardy

    Chapter 18 ¨C Sleeping Beardy


    ¡°It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon''s keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess''s chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her- *GASP*¡±


    ¨C Prince Charming, Shrek 2


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Day B-1, afternoon


    Elric stepped into the guardian¡¯s room.


    ¡°Three~ Two~ One~ ?¡±


    *SLAM*


    ¡°Aaalalalalah. Seriously... I get nobody likes draughty hallways. I really do. But is it necessary to close the doors so violently? Besides, that auto-lock is terribly unpractical, you know? I wouldn¡¯t give more than four out of ten for the hospitality. And imagine if fire breaks out? Ah-AH! You¡¯d be quite embarrassed, right? *sigh* Anyway¡­ Guardian-chan~ Wheeere aaaare yooouuu? Elric nii-chan brought cookies! ¡­ Damn. I can¡¯t see shit around here. You just got down to three.¡±


    Like in the preceding corridor, livid torches were alone to fight a losing battle against obscurity, barely revealing the shadows of the nearest colonnades. In the little area brightened by his [Lantern of the Selfish One], Elric had the impression of walking inside a ruined temple floating in deep space, surrounded by void darkness and pale emerald stars.


    Or maybe will-o''-the-wisp with sticks up their bum? Who¡¯d cast a lighting spell so weak anyway?


    ¡°Look, you stupid sodomite fireflies! Be ashamed! BE VERY ASHAMED!! SEE! YOU¡¯RE GIVING OFF EVEN LESS LIGHT THAT THE GIANT MAGICAL CIRCLE O..ver¡­ there¡­ ¡­ Oh¡­ shit.¡±


    At the end of the central aisle, on the opposite side of the immense room, a large cluster of convoluted glyphs had started to pulsate a nauseous purple glow rapidly gaining in intensity. In this second spooky isle of luminescence, Elric could distinguish impressive but damaged and half-collapsed columns, complemented by the usual junk of rotten banners and crippled statues, as well as a short flight of stairs topped by a broken throne, and, behind the ruined seat, a once-hidden passageway that opened in the wall, obstructed by an immaterial barrier reflecting the same purple.


    Well, at least, I¡¯m pretty sure it really is the boss room. You rarely find the boss in the toilets next to the throne room. ¡­ Rarely.


    Elric began to run¡­ towards the purple lights. He didn¡¯t know how long the spell would take to activate, nor was he sure what it was supposed to do, but he was determined to at least try to get a look at the circle before it happened. After all, the Knowledgeable being able to disarm the construct on time was still a possibility.


    The best way to stop the activation of a magical circle was to cut its power source, which was either one or several mages or a charged [Mana Gem]. Many though it was the only way actually, since trying to rewrite or interfere with an activating circle was as safe as manipulating high-voltage power lines barehanded next to a box filled with nuclear warheads ¨C which means ¡°not very¡±. As such, magic without clear origin was difficult to deal with, often leaving crude counter-spelling as sole defensive option.


    However Elric wasn¡¯t just anybody, and this wasn¡¯t only his usual recklessness resurfacing that made him think he could hinder the awaking spell.


    Indeed, like item enhancement, magical circles too derived from Runes, which he was one of the only persons ¨C alive ¨C to master on the Pandore Continent, although these copied another aspect of Runes than enchantments did. Enhanced weapons, for example, would possess permanent but limited powers. On the other hand, written magic constructs didn¡¯t know any power limit, but were restricted to a single use, because they had to be drawn with special materials like [Magic Sand], [Holy Water], or, more commonly, [Spell Ink], which would be consumed upon activation.


    Carving the construct of the spell on hard surfaces like wood or rock had been tried, but to no avail. Unlike runes, the furrow still had to be filled with some catalyst for the magic to work. At best, those carved circles helped shortening the time necessary to trace the spell, especially when the aforementioned catalyst was of the liquid kind. For example, some altars found in temples dedicated to dark gods would be surrounded by abstruse patterns, designed to receive the blood of living sacrifices. Although the best way known to date was still to carve the circle at the bottom of a reservoir.


    However, like most magical traps found in any ancient dungeons, the construct glowing in front of Elric in the throne room of Bluerose Castle was of a trickier sort.


    A Runic Construct. But of course. Great. And there are the glyphs of Holi-fucking-ness again. Not much I can do¡­ Tsh. Now I wonder if there is- No. ¡°What¡± is the link between those scribbles and the Erwynian Royalty. This castle used to be theirs, right? What about the Curse? Given those particular Runes are heavily oriented towards Soul magic¡­ Well, I guess someone toyed with powers out of his reach and got burned¡­ and the whole kingdom with him¡­ or her. Never underestimate a woman wielding magic. Especially Fire magic. But Soul magic should be as dangerous¡­ Now that I think of it, didn¡¯t the old geezer say something about ¡°young idiots¡± and ¡°things they believed to understand¡±? Mmmmh... Also, I should try to get a closer look at those antique Runic walls the towns have around here. I found nothing suspicious up to now, but maybe there was some kind of illusion covering it. After all, if I was a Runic Soul Archmage, I wouldn¡¯t want my secret runoglyphs to be openly displayed for the townsfolks to see.


    All the while scanning his memories for anything that could help him, the Sage of the Wild took several steps backwards to prepare himself to receive the creature the spell was, most likely, about to conjure.


    Because, what could a giant magical construct inside an empty boss room be, except a summoning circle? A teleporting gate towards Cookie Heaven, or a world dominated by primates perhaps? Improbable.


    Having put enough distance between himself and the hopefully-not-doomsday-machine, Elric stopped and clapped his hands rapidly in anticipations like a delighted fangirl.


    ¡°So-so-so? What will it be? Eeeh? [Fallen Executioner], [Bone Gargoyle], [Ancient Dark King], [Harbinger of Death], a good old [Grim Reaper]? Alucard? Kel''Thuzad? Skeletor? Naraku? Solomon Grundy? Sadako under testosterone?! Hahaha! SURPRISE ME BLUEROSE!! HAHAHAHA! Show me your worst! I¡¯ve gone through hell to keep enough mana for your fucking boss! Don¡¯t you dare sending me a squirrel!¡± <1>


    Somewhere mid-way through, his merry expectant speech had turned into a boasting challenge rant, his voice dropping fast down to deep theatrical badass ¨C or, at least, what he thought it to be.


    Although Alucard is a bit¡­ And *mental sigh* I need more recent references... But I like retro, what can I do? Ah! Don¡¯t start losing focus at the wrong moment again. Dorothy! Think ¡®Little Sis¡¯! I¡¯m almost there. Where? I don¡¯t know. But I¡¯m close¡­ Damn. I¡¯ve got the feeling I¡¯m soooo going to regret thi-


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    A ghastly bluish form had started to rise from the pulsating circumvolutions, constricted by swarming purple Runes that bound the powerful soul to these cursed grounds. Emerging from the floor like from a pool of thick mud, the inflating phantom beast laboriously set paw into the dark throne room, finally revealing its translucent being in all of its deadly majesty.


    ¡°Haha¡­¡±


    Long whipping tail, humongous reptilian four-legged body, sharp claws each big as Elric¡¯s thighs, burly shoulders and snaky twisting neck, spikes-crowned head, jaws filled with innumerable teeth and a breath carrying the fire of the underworld, the emblematic monster of any fantasy universe, although in undead form, now stood before Elric and let out a deafening roar that shook the room and made stones fall in cascade from the ceiling.


    Dwarfed by the mind-blowing apparition, the Wandering Knight burst out laughing:


    ¡°HAHAHAHAHAHA!! A dragon! It¡¯s a dragon! They took out the freakin¡¯ Soul Dragon!! Great! Wunderbar !! HAHA!! Of course! You can¡¯t go wrong with the classics. COME AT ME BRO!! Elric nii-chan is in need of something to trash!¡±


    Rested, satiated by the [Healthy Cookie] party, disposing of a mana pool now filled to the brim, and stressed out by almost a week of over-focus mode, the frustrated knight was more than eager to discharge all his pent up rage onto anyone or anything insane enough to provoke him in his current unstable state.


    Eventually noticing the insect in front of him, the massive [Soul Dragon of the Abyss ¡°Kalameet¡±] turned its head towards Elric, and inhaled.


    ¡°Oh no you don¡¯t!! I am the warrior of the Sun! The light titan, and YOU will burn!! [Sun Guardian]!¡±


    Elric exploded.


    Or it sure looked like it, as his body was engulfed in a storm of scorching light. A miniature sun suddenly erupted in the throne room, blowing the darkness away, and the nearest tattered banners spontaneously combusted while a few broken sculptures began to melt. The giant ball of gaseous fire then violently twisted, whirled and warped itself around the Solar Knight, becoming a huge red-orange blazing armour whose size rivalled Kalameet¡¯s.


    Just in time too, as the [Soul Dragon] released its breath the instant the [Sun Guardian] finished forming.


    Ghastly blue flames poured over the burning giant, who in turn slammed its two palms together, creating a blinding shockwave that instantaneously dissipated the flames before turning into scythe of Light that trailed fast towards the invoked monster. However, with a sweep of its tail, Kalameet easily deflected the attack that bounced sideways and severed a half-collapsed column.


    Ending the first round on a tie, the two colossuses glared at each other while the huge neatly cut pillar slowly, very slowly, slid to the ground, like the flow of time had been quelled.


    When, in a thundering noise, the falling stone finally shattered on the floor, time brutally took back its course, and the two opponents charged, both roaring, ghost maw opened and burning fist raised.


    Reaching the beast, the Solar Knight abruptly halted his dash, took one more heavy step, transferring his weight onto his foot, and twisted his whole immaterial body to throw a right fiery cleansing hook, carrier of maddening inertia, at the incoming [Soul Dragon]¡¯s head, in a merciless blow capable of shattering both physical and magical defences.


    However¡­


    *clink*


    Before the attack could connect, a light crystalline sound echoed oddly over the chaos, and Kalameet¡¯s body suddenly flickered out of existence.


    ¡°Uh?!¡±


    His punch blasted through air.


    Surprised to encounter no resistance, Elric lost balance, tumbled down and smashed into the floor, his [Sun Guardian] dissipating as he brutally lost focus. At his current level, the spell was already impressive and powerful, but still difficult to maintain.


    Nevertheless shielded from damage, the swearing Solar Knight immediately stood up and glare at his surroundings, ready to face an undoubtedly impending assault by the unexpectedly teleporting dragon.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    However, his fleshless foe kept him waiting.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    After several minutes without a single ghostly scale in sight, the flabbergasted knight was forced to admit that the big ass reptile spectre wasn¡¯t coming back, leaving all his hyped fighting-spirit targetless.


    *crack*


    ¡°What WAS THAT?!?!¡±


    A rapid glance towards the destroyed throne confirmed the purple barrier too had disappeared. Probably, all the pissed knight had left to do was to go through the tunnel, up the tower, and claim his prize.


    Elric had somehow won. However he was far from satisfied of the outcome.


    ¡°IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?!¡± he shouted, but received no answer other than the echo of his own voice.


    ¡°¡­ JOKE¡­ joke¡­ oke¡­ oke¡­¡±


    Infuriated and without much else to do, he nevertheless walked down the aisle towards the broken lordly seat.


    ¡°AAAAAARGH!! DAMN! WHO THE FUCK EVER HEARD OF A BOSS THAT JUST GO ¡®POOSH!¡¯ AND THE HERO GETS THE PRINCESS?! UH?!? FOR FUCK¡¯S SAKE!! WHAT DID I EVEN SAVED MY MANA FOR?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! THAT SOOO PISSES ME OFF!! CHAOS!!? HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY THIS?!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Whistling Divinity: Maybe he remembered he left cookies in the oven?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Yeah¡­ Right. I¡¯m sure a disembodied dragon has much use for cooo-oOO-OH!!¡±


    *slam*


    ¡°OUCH!¡±


    *rollrollroll*


    ¡°WHAT NOW!? GOD! ¡­ I can¡¯t see shit again! *sigh* In dark I walk, none is aware. For light I hold, but do not share. [Lantern of the Selfish One].¡±


    His close surroundings immediately brightened as a small orb of light began to hover around his head. The fuming knight then got up and scanned the ground in search of the round object he tripped upon.


    His eyes finally fell upon an oblong sapphire-like crystal, the size of an ostrich egg, inside of which swirled fleeting blue sparkles.


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me¡­¡±


    Turning around and carefully inspecting a nearby column, he noticed a cracked recess in the stone, whose shape vaguely matched the gem.


    ¡°Oh, you¡¯ve got to be kidding¡­ Vandalism or passage of time, leaving it broken is the worst crime. [Sculpture Restoration].¡±


    Although the engravings weren¡¯t technically sculptures, the spell worked on any kind of worked stone. In no time, the damaged setting took back its original form.


    ¡°Just how unkempt is this place? Seriously, when I see the princess, I¡¯ll tell het that¡­¡±


    Muttering bewildered gibberish, Elric pick up the large [Mana Gem] and thrust it back where it belonged.


    As soon as the column and the crystal neared, a mana arc snapped between the two, and the latter was sucked up by its repaired niche. The stone shone brightly for a brief moment before an illusion hid the device. A low buzzing sound then started to echo through the vast empty throne room.


    Elric had been right, that sound when Kalameet had disappeared had been the [Mana Gem] falling off its ruined socket and down to the ground.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: You¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Hearing the inorganic purring, the Solar Knight grinned like an insane starved hyena that just spotted a lone injured antelope.


    ¡°ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR!¡±


    ¡°You said it, not me. Hahaha¡­ I am the warrior of the Sun. The light titan, and you will burn. [Sun Gardian].¡±


    A fiery giant slowly spun to face a very pissed Kalameet.


    ¡°You should be ashamed. Leaving your guest all alone like that and forcing him to fix your home. Tss-tss-tss¡­ You just went down to two.¡±


    ¡°RRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRRRRR¡­¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. Right. Let¡¯s do this Lizzy! HAHAHAHAHAHA¡­¡±


    And, accompanied with the sound of overjoyed laughter, the blazing madman and the ghastly dragon once again charged at each other.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Ha¡­¡±


    A panting knight was resting against a boulder, vestige of a column thrown at him by the ¡°dying¡± dragon. Around Elric, mindless devastation filled the throne room. Solidified lava, stone dust, and still burning banners scattering floating ashes. In fact, it was a wonder how the ceiling even held with so many of its supports demolished.


    ¡°Ha¡­ Ha¡­ That¡­ That¡¯s what I¡¯m talking about¡­ Ha¡­ Ten out of ten for the activity¡­ Ha¡­¡±


    His mana pool was as dried up as a desert in summer, he had barely any life left, his inventory had been emptied of all its potions, except for the few [Four Heaven Pill] he didn¡¯t dare to use. Also, his armour had been shattered, unable to endure the repeated use of the Runic magic cooked up by the Knowledgeable, which had still been experimental, and thus incomplete and unstable. All Elric had left was his virtually unbreakable broken sword ¨C He really had to encounter a [Rust Golem]. The red tear-shaped pendant of unknown use, gifted to him by the Elder, had too survived the battle.


    On overall, the Wandering Knight had the sensation of having been ran over by three aggressive trucks, twice, then thrown inside an active volcano ¨C he actually knew the feeling ¨C , during an eruption, but¡­ he felt amazing!


    ¡°Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Hahaha¡­ Pfiouuu¡­ Haha¡­ That was so fun¡­ Ha¡­ But I lost some time, didn¡¯t I? Oh well, it¡¯s still only a game, right? You¡¯ve got to have your fun once in a while. Those guys who¡¯re all serious about their in-game performances are such a bore. Although I do respect them for keeping all those stats and number-thingies in mind. I¡¯ve never been able to do that. Hahaha¡­¡±


    Uncontrollably chuckling, he rose from the trashed floor, and started to limp towards the throne, distractedly slipping onto his finger the ring the [Soul Dragon of the Abyss ¡°Kalameet¡±] had dropped. When he finally entered the tunnel, he noted in passing the glyphs of the magical barrier. After a short walk, he reached the bottom of a spiral staircase, and started to climb without bothering to check for traps. His serious mode was all but dissipated. He still was on the lookout though, since he didn¡¯t consider failing Dorothy to be an option.


    ¡°In the highest room of the tallest tower, right? *sigh* Between goblins, undead, spooky light shows and a freaking dragon, this Bluerose is quite old-school, isn¡¯t it? Not that it¡¯s all bad once in a while¡­ But too much clich¨¦ makes it predictable. Then predictability makes it boring. And boring pisses me off.¡±


    On his way up, Elric passed by several doors, but all were locked. Behind those, unfathomable treasures might have been waiting, however the Wandering Knight wasn¡¯t here for the richness, nor did he care much. True, he was a little curious, but smashing doors inside the home of a supposed immortal necromancer, and right before asking her for a favour¡­ Well, it didn¡¯t strike him as especially bright.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Eventually, the Wandering Knight arrived at what seemed to be the top of the tower. Now before him was an archway obstructed by a surprisingly well-conserved blood red veil embroidered with a dark blue rose, the emblem of Bluerose Castle ¨C ¡­Duh!?


    Elric rectified his appearance the best he could. After all, undead, lich, or whatever, he still was going to meet a princess. Using the little mana he had recovered, he cleaned himself and the formal-but-slightly-wild clothes he had equipped.


    Choosing the latter had taken quite some time. The whole climb in fact. To be true, he had quite a few outfits. Not that he had many occasions to wear them, but more because tailoring was one of his hobbies, along with sewing and cooking. His few friends often liked to joke about it, saying he ¡°would make a good wife one day¡± and stuff like that.


    ¡°Haha¡­ ¡®LOL¡¯¡­¡± he sarcastically muttered.


    Pushing the light curtain aside, Elric stepped into a round, well-furnished, well-kept bedroom, one suited for a young lady of noble birth, strikingly out of place in this cursed, ruined and monster-filled keep, although the sheer amount of red and blue in the d¨¦cor somewhat made his eyes hurt.


    His gaze was immediately attracted to the elegant four poster bed, on which a girl laid asleep.


    Thankfully, she didn¡¯t appear to be an undead skeleton.


    Thanks gods¡­


    ¡° ¡­¡±


    How have my standards fallen. Am I so desperate that the first criterion I look for in a girl is ¡°She has flesh¡±? ¡­ I feel a bit like jumping out of this window right now¡­


    In two strides, he was by the bed, staring at the visibly defenceless sleeping girl.


    Haha¡­ Isn¡¯t that awfully creepy? That reminds me of that terrible movie I saw once. Although I quite liked it¡­ It was so bad it was actually funny. I really thought it was a comedy back then¡­ Still think it is. Although¡­ ¡°I like watching you sleep¡± was it? Right¡­ I¡¯m sure that scene was supposed to be all sweet and lovely, but that was just creepy¡­ And good think the guy doing the staring was the immortal vampire. I wouldn¡¯t want an immortal overpowered girl to catch me checking her out during her sle- Oh wait¡­ Haha¡­ How do I go about this?


    On second look, Victoria ¨C It is unlikely anyone else lives here. ¨C , who he had first thought to be a young girl, was more of a woman of an age ¨C rectification, an ¡°apparent¡± age ¨C closer to his own, but her small frame, height around one-sixty, pale doll-like delicate face, and smooth baby skin made the confusion easy. Although her breasts weren¡¯t that of a child¡­ not huge, but not small either, well-shaped in fact, and suitable for her.


    Wow¡­ I don¡¯t mean the breast¡­ Well yes, I do¡­ but no¡­ God, I don¡¯t want her to wake up and see me staring at her boobs. Worst first impression ever¡­ Well, about the rest. How does she do this? Maybe she has elven blood? Although I never heard of an elf necro. Nature and undead don¡¯t mix well together. A dark elf at the very least, but she¡¯s far too white for that. Isn¡¯t that somehow racist? Oh well, I don¡¯t care.


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    He couldn¡¯t actually see the shape of her ears, because her long, thick, and immaculate white hair covered them entirely. Besides, her visage, despite the breath-taking beauty, seemed too human for the Forest People, although it still held some kind of exoticism.


    Okay. She isn¡¯t some kind of mummy. Great. So what now? ¡­ Stop looking there you suicidal idiot!  ¡­ Well, we¡¯re not going to stay like that all day, are we? You might be immortal, but I¡¯m not, and I have a tight schedule to keep up with¡­ which I already screwed up¡­ So¡­


    Elric took a few steps back and cleared his throat:


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ *cough* Miss? Princess Victoria?¡±


    No response.


    ¡°Princess? Sorry to intrude¡±, he raised his voice a little. ¡°But I was recommended your assistance by the Elder of Kansas and¡­ This isn¡¯t working¡­ and I feel stupid.¡±


    Walking back to the sleeping beauty¡¯s side, he started to poke her arm.


    ¡°Princess?¡±


    Still no response.


    She¡¯s not dead is she? No, she¡¯s breathing¡­ What then?


    In doubt, he poked her face, pinched nose, and checked her ears, which happened to be round.


    So no elf then. Even halfs¡¯ ears are at least a little pointy¡­


    Actually, he would have fondled her breasts too, but the Knowledgeable was too familiar with a few potions and curses that gave all the appearance of sleep, but kept the mind perfectly aware of the surroundings, to be reckless on that one. If he could pass off some poking as necessary check-ups, there was a limit to the bullshit anyone could take. And if she was some kind of pervert who liked to be touched in her sleep, it wouldn¡¯t be too late to do it after confirming she wouldn¡¯t blast his head off for the cause.


    Although all this didn¡¯t solve his immediate problem.


    In desperation, he tried shaking her awake.


    Grabbing her shoulder, he agitated her sleeping body and shouted:


    ¡°OH! VICTORIA! WAKE UP! I MADE A LONG WAY TO SEE YOU AND YOUR WELCOMING COMMITTEE SUCKS!!¡±


    Seeing that she still stayed limp in his grasp, he unceremoniously let her drop back on the sheets, sat on the side of the bed, and stroke his short six-day beard.


    ¡°Well¡­ I guess¡­ Without any potions, ingredients or information¡­ The last thing left is ¡®that¡¯¡­ Right¡­ It¡¯s for the quest¡­ And I promised Dorothy¡­ Right¡­ Obviously¡­ and this castle follows all the basics¡­ So it make senses that¡­ Okay. Let¡¯s then¡­¡±


    Getting up, he blew on his hand and tried to smell his breath.


    Smells like cookie¡­ and blood¡­ could be worse.


    He had of course magically washed all trace of puke and gore during his little chat with Headison, but the fight with Kalameet had caused him to spit haemoglobin more than once.


    *cough*


    Elric stopped trying to give himself dubious excuses ¨C Shit. I confess. I haven¡¯t kissed a girl in months! I¡¯ve got no remorse if this doesn¡¯t work. Happy, conscience-san? ¡­ I am. ¡­ Good. Now shut up. ¨C and leant over Victoria¡¯s sleeping body, himself closing his eyes. Not that he thought it was more romantic that way ¨C kissing an unconscious girl he didn¡¯t know was creepy, however anyone put it ¨C but he thought seeing someone face so up close was just weird.


    More for himself than anything else in the end, the Wandering Knight laid his mouth on the young woman¡¯s one, not expecting much.


    However, as soon as their lips touched, electricity sparked between them and Elric suddenly felt dizzy. He tried to jerk away, but was unable to move. Opening his eyes, he met Victoria¡¯s, staring at him, bewitching, slightly slanting, with bloody irises encircled by inverted crowns of dark blue. Her pupils were rapidly twitching, changing shape and alternating between human-like discs and vertical oblong slits that incongruously reminded him of McLeon. He felt drawn to those living gemstones like a sailor lost in a storm was to a lighthouse, drawn and scared.


    Scared, not by the unnatural attraction he felt towards the woman, nor by the sudden compulsion he had to obey her, nor even by the weakness that progressively invaded his body, but by the murderous madness, the psychotic hatred, the devouring insanity that had visibly long ago swallowed the princess and that shone ominously in her bottomless black ever-changing pupils.


    Victoria was grasping his head, maintaining their lips sealed. However, it wasn¡¯t her feeble grip that held the Solar Knight in place, but the scorching torture that reached every corner of his body and paralysed him. His skin seemed on fire, his muscles were shrivelling, sharp needles piercing every cell in his body while his organs melted and reformed, his bones broke and mended themselves, his brain in turn lost all sensations and was overcome with waves of pain biting at his sanity, over and over again in an agonising cycle of suffering. The aftereffects of the [Four Heavens Pill] seemed like a pleasant memory in comparison to the indescribable butchering his whole being was currently subjected to.


    All the while, a vaporous fluid continuously poured from the mad princess¡¯s mouth and down his throat. Despite the mind-distorting torments that assaulted him, Elric could still perfectly perceive the ghastly substance as it burnt its way to his heart, invaded his arteries, and spread throughout blood.


    A bright ruby light suddenly emanated from the region of the knight¡¯s neck, then a white hot knife pierced through his chest, and he finally could spasm away from the insane witch.


    Collapsing on the carpeted ground, he started to convulse while a disembodied female voice in his head was reciting a grisly litany in a hoarse voice:


    ¡­ blood¡­ all¡­ all of them¡­ I¡¯ll eat all¡­ I¡¯ll devour¡­ I¡¯ll get revenge¡­ kill¡­ Sangbleu¡­ Ambrose¡­ all will die¡­ kill¡­ rip their hearts¡­ Just wanted a fucking subclass¡­ rip their souls¡­ lock them away¡­ like they¡­ me¡­ I¡­ kill¡­ blood¡­ death to¡­ damned prophecy¡­ I¡¯ll show¡­ them¡­ What the fuck is this? ... blood¡­ failure¡­ monster¡­ love¡­ hate¡­ why¡­ why¡­ WHY¡­ didn¡¯t do any¡­ mom¡­ dad¡­ scared¡­ slit their throats¡­ drink their blood¡­ help¡­ dark¡­ where¡­ Ambrose¡­ Elder, you old asshole, I will¡­ kill¡­ curse¡­ curse you¡­ bastard¡­ all die¡­ bath in their blood¡­ soil their corpses¡­ eat their hearts¡­ Dorothy, just wait for Big¡­ eat their souls¡­ hunger¡­ pain¡­ pleasure¡­ more¡­


    Struggling to separate his own thoughts from the bloodthirsty ranting, Elric saw through his teary eyes a blurry Victoria raising from the mattress, sitting on the side of the bed, and staring at her hands in puzzled wonderment. Then, a large grin bloomed on her face and she started to¡­ change.


    Her tiny frame began to broaden, large muscles ripping through her light white dress like a demented butterfly wrecking his cocoon to show its distorted body to the world. Her pure immaculate mane fell from her scalp by slabs, replaced by messy dark-brown shoulder-length hair. At the same time, her doll face bulked, lost its smoothness and turned edgy and coarse, and was soon covered by a bushy unkempt beard.


    From the floor, the tortured knight stared flabbergasted at the tall burly man, wearing but a loincloth that had once be a delicate dress, who in a few blinks had replaced the beautiful maiden.


    Palpating his whole body with an ecstatic expression, the unknown stranger ¨C That isn¡¯t princes Victoria. That can¡¯t!  ¨C took out a long inspiration and raucously burst out laughing.


    ¡°HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! FREE!! FREE AT LAST!! GONE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I DON¡¯T HEAR HER ANYMORE!!! FREEEEEEEEE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! NO MORE TOWER!!! NO MORE NIGHTMARES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I CAN FINALLY RETURN TO MY HOME!! MY TOWN!! HAHAHAHA!! SUCH A FOOL I WAS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WHAT PRINCESS?! WHAT UNDYING BEAUTY?! WHAT ETERNAL YOUTH?!?! HAHAHAHAHA!!! ¡­ Hahahaha¡­ Once I get home, I¡¯ll ask Adelle to marry me. Hahaha¡­ I hope I¡¯m not too late¡­ I don¡¯t know how long I¡­ Ha! But before, I will go back to that village. Gut that old man. Kill the icy bitch. Kill¡­ SLAUGHTHER THEM ALL!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I WILL BATH IN THEIR BLOOD!!! EAT THEIR HEARTS!! EAT THEIR SOULS!!! KILL!! I WILL KI- *cough* Uaaaargh *cough* *cough* *COUGH* *wheeeeze*¡±


    In front of the increasingly stupefied Elric, still assaulted by ungodly pain that didn¡¯t seem merciless enough to make his body go numb, the man grasped his throat, struggling to breathe. Then his impressive muscles began to melt, his hair once more fell to the ground, his teeth left his mouth, his eyes caved inside their sockets, his whole body shrivelled until he looked barely more than the mummy Elric had feared to encounter a the top of this cursed tower.


    ¡°Noooo¡­ *wheeze* Please¡­ *cough* *wheeze* please¡­ Ad- *wheeze* ¡­el *cough* s¡­ry¡­ lov¡­¡±


    Briefly turning into a skeleton, he stumbled forwards, bony arms raised as if to reach out to someone, and he abruptly crumbled to dust, along with his hair and teeth, leaving behind only a tattered white piece of cloth.


    Elric didn¡¯t understand what just happened, he couldn¡¯t. In fact, he wasn¡¯t in a state that allowed him to think properly at all. His ever-breaking-and-reviving body and the crazy murderess in his mind weren¡¯t kind enough as to give him a break to attempt to comprehend what was going on.


    ¡­ The fuck just happ¡­ night¡­ wedding¡­ black¡­ death¡­ red¡­ rose¡­ blood¡­ Ambrose¡­ love¡­ mom¡­ Will you shut the fuc¡­ night¡­ feast on their corpses¡­ rip their heads off¡­ mom¡­ help¡­ I don¡¯t want to¡­ Please¡­ You crazy bitch stop th¡­ No¡­ where am I¡­ why¡­ WHY¡­ monster¡­ curse¡­ demon¡­ shame¡­ shame to the blood¡­ shame to the line¡­ destroy¡­ hate¡­ blood¡­ line¡­ blood¡­ blood¡­ BLOOD¡­ drink theirs¡­ bath in theirs¡­ laugh to the moon¡­ Don¡¯t take out your problems on me like th¡­ mom¡­ dad¡­ mom¡­ mom¡­ why¡­ what wrong¡­ Listen, you should just have a family reunion and¡­ kill¡­ kill them all¡­ break their bones¡­ eat their hearts¡­ chain their souls¡­ torture their souls¡­ Okay, if you killed them that will be more comp¡­ didn¡¯t do anything¡­ why¡­ monster¡­ no monster¡­ not me¡­ mom¡­ father¡­ queen¡­ king¡­ Ambrose¡­ This guy comes back quite often doesn¡¯t he¡­ husband¡­ wife¡­ yes I do¡­ bastard¡­ curse¡­ curse you¡­ waiting alone¡­. years¡­ demon¡­ moon¡­ night¡­ kill¡­ KILL¡­ Okay, I¡¯ve had enough¡­ DEATH¡­ death to all¡­ Sangbleu¡­ traitor¡­ suck his marrow¡­ bite his throat¡­ NOW YOU SHUT UP YOU PSYCHO BITCH!!! THERE ISN¡¯T ENOUGH ROOM FOR TWO INSANE PERSONS IN HERE!!!... slaughter¡­ thirst¡­ blood¡­ AND! THIS! IS! MY!!! BRAIN!!!!!


    Punctuating his mental declaration, Elric rammed his head into the nearby bed footboard. It hurt like hell. And his actions made no sense. But he was already in so much pain that he didn¡¯t even care anymore, and he persisted in his attempts to knock himself down until finally a welcomed darkness embraced him.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡­ kill¡­ blood¡­ hate¡­ ¡­ ¡­ strangle them in their sleep¡­ kill¡­  Yeah. Yeah. You said that already. ¡­ slaughter them all¡­  Okay, I¡¯ll tell them. Now shut up. ¡­ pain¡­ no monster¡­ no monster¡­ Victoria will be good¡­ blood¡­ enslave their souls¡­  *mental sigh* Well¡­ That¡¯s what is called a work in progress¡­ ¡­ Ambrose¡­  What did this guy do to you exactly?  ¡­ curse¡­ kill¡­ hate¡­ bastard¡­ love¡­  Ah! This is useless. Like I needed a psychopathic tenant in my mind. ¡­ blood¡­


    Collapsed on the comfortable thick carpet, Elric was slowly regaining consciousness. His body felt like it had been thrown into a mixer and then put back together by a drunk surgeon suffering from Parkinson''s disease. His mouth was awfully numb, and the taste of bile and blood lingered inside, and a stabbing pain persisted right above his heart. His head, especially, still felt like he had an axe embedded in-between the two hemispheres of his brain.


    ¡°Oooooh¡­ My hea-¡±


    He suddenly jerked awake and up and the sound of his¡­ high-pitched? melodious? and beautiful voice?!?


    ¡°What the¡­¡±


    Leaving is sentence unfinished, mirroring the nameless madman from earlier, he palpated his beardless face, his smooth skin, his long flowing white hair, his¡­ soft and plump chest  ¨C On that he was rather conflicted about what to feel  ¨C , then, with growing horror, he slowly lowered his hands towards his manhood. Or the lack of thereof.


    *craaack*


    ¡°Haha¡­ Elder¡­ what the hell did¡­ Haha. Right. I knew I was going to get screwed¡­ but isn¡¯t it a bit¡­ Ah! He promised me subclass, right? Not that it matters much¡­ Haha. But what the hell! Hahaha! Tell me I at least got something out of this mess? Hahaha¡­ Dorothy. I¡¯m sorry. Onii-chan became onee-chan¡­ What the hell¡­ Hahaha¡­ Where¡¯s my fucking subclass?! Show [Identity Window]!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Identity Window</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Name:</td><td width="25%">Victoria Sangbleu</td><td width="25%">Alignment:</td><td width="25%">Darkness</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Level:</td><td width="25%">23</td><td width="25%">Class:</td><td width="25%">Bloodsoul Mage</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Race:</td><td width="25%">Dhampir</td><td width="25%">Subclass:</td><td width="25%">Princess</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gender:</td><td width="25%">Female</td><td width="25%">Marital Status:</td><td width="25%">Widow</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Title</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Immortal Exiled Princess</td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    *crack* *crack*


    So that¡¯s her¡­ my? ¡­ full name¡­ vengeance¡­ Sangbleu¡­  Shut up. I gathered your family has issues, already!


    ¡­ the thirst¡­ blo- Well, this explains that. I don¡¯t care much either way¡­


    *crack* *craaaack*


    ¡°Hahahaha¡­ I guess I can¡¯t complain. Hahaha. Right?¡±


    *crack*


    ¡°Still. Hahaha¡­ That hurts asshole.¡±


    ¡­ Ambrose¡­ kill¡­ enslave his soul¡­ Okay! I got it! I got it already.


    ¡°Guess I¡¯ll have to find the guy, or something, or you won¡¯t shut up¡­¡±


    *craaaaack*


    ¡°From [Single] directly to [Widow]. Haha. Did I miss a few steps or what? Hahaha¡­ Go directly to the cemetery. Do not pass by the church. Do not collect your dowry? Haha¡­ Ah! No. Right. I AM the fucking bride! HAHAHAHAHA!! Or is it fucked bride?¡±


    *craack*


    *crack* *crack* *crack* crack* *CRACK* *CRAAAAAACK* *CRAAAAAAAACK*


    ¡°How¡­ Is¡­ that¡­ even¡­ freaking¡­ POSSIBLE?!¡±


    *blink*


    Unwilling to believe his¡­ no¡­ her eyes, he¡­ she did a triple take on his¡­ her [Identity Window]:


    *CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK*


    ¡°Hahahahahaha¡­ That¡¯s not funny. Not funny at all.¡±


    Lifting his¡­ her head, hi- her gaze fell upon the delicately carved cheval glass standing in the room. In the mirror, a pair of bewitching eyes looked straight at her, and returned her a dazed stare where you could read that the girl these eyes belonged to, clad in formal-but-slightly-wild male clothing that didn¡¯t fit her, was reaching her breaking point, and that not much would be needed to tip the balance and made her fall deeper down in the abysses of insanity.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos Rolling on the Ground Laughing: ¡­ LOL.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    *CRAAAAAAAAA- snap*


    A wide grin crept up Victoria¡¯s beautiful face, she took her doll-like face between her small hands, and her frail shoulders started shaking.


    ¡°Hm-hm-hm-hm¡­ Hahahaha¡­ Hahahahahahaha¡­ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA¡­¡±


    Progressively, as she laughed louder and louder, her smile slowly turned into clenched fangs and curled-up chops, while her enchanting eyes looked capable of incinerating people on sight.


    ¡°HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA¡­¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Just in case (Warning Spoilers): Kel''Thuzad</a> is from World of Warcraft, Skeletor</a> is from ¡°He-Man and the Masters of the Universe¡±, Naraku</a> is from Inuyasha,  Solomon Grundy</a> is a super-zombie from DC, and¡­ well¡­ Sadako is Sadako</a>. (See what I did there?) I won¡¯t make the insult of explaining who Alucard is. Although I¡¯ll do this:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    It¡¯s my little baby¡­ Did it back in 2011¡­ Feels a bit dated¡­


    <hr />


    And that¡¯s it! Now you can just reread from chapter one and continue in a loop. I¡¯m done!


    .


    .


    .


    I¡¯m joking¡­ Haha. Funny, no?


    Me2: No.


    Me1: Okay.


    Me2: Good thing you make both the questions and the answers.


    Me1: I know, right?


    Me3: Stop that.


    Me1 & Me2: Riiight¡­


    Anyway, just to mention it, when I made my last correction of this chapter, I noticed I had written:


    ¡°A miniature sun suddenly erupted in the throne room [¡­] and the nearest tattered banners spontaneously composted¡­¡±


    Which is stupid¡­


    Another thing I find worth mentioning, although you might not care, is that, while I was writing the part where Elric kisses ¡°Victoria¡±, my random music playlist suddenly switched to ¡°Low of Solipsism¡±, for Death Note¡­ Which confused me¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Apparently, ¡°solipsism¡± means ¡°the extreme form of scepticism which denies the possibility of any knowledge other than of one''s own existence¡±¡­ deep. I¡¯m too late for this kind of thing.


    Well, that took some time¡­ but thanks for sticking with me, and see you next chapter¡­


    Which will take place after chapter 1 if you¡¯re following.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.SS – OUAT: Blood Princess Origins

    Once Upon A Time:


    Blood Princess Origins


    ¡°Like THAT''s ever gonna happen! What a load of...¡±


    ¨C Shrek


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Slowly, the quill was dipped inside the ink bottle, lifted out, and held still. A single black drop fell off its tip, back in the glass container. The ink rippled. Then the instrument carefully flew over one of the blank page of an opened book, ready to rewrite down the first words of an old tale.


    ¡°This is stupid.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Once upon a time, in a forgotten land,


    There was a king, and a queen, and their baby child,


    The Princess of the Rose, pride of the kingdom,


    For at birth was foretold: ¡°Peace to days unknown!¡±


    As prophesised, the seasons passed,


    Bringing joy, wealth, and no menace.


    The princess grew, kind and pretty,


    A future queen, a fierce beauty.


    Eyes of deep blue, smile of goddess,


    Flowing black hair, dark as the night,


    Loved by the crowd and the noblesse,


    And above all, loved by her knight.


    ¨C


    He was a man above his pairs.


    Magic, strength, looks, none could compare.


    His eyes of gold, a lion¡¯s mane,


    A sword master, a mage supreme.


    The sovereigns, apt at planning,


    For their blessed land wished a strong king,


    Their own daughter, to reach their goal,


    Hand, arm, and head, they gave her whole.


    Arranged marriage, choices denied,


    Classic royals, all line and pride.


    But the betrothed laughed in their sleeves,


    At the smugness of the old peeves.


    For, unbeknownst to the crowned heads,


    Since their meeting, and all along,


    Full of longing, deep in their chests,


    Each heart to the other belonged.


    ¨C


    On the princess¡¯ thirteenth winter,


    The gates to adulthood for her,


    Vows were exchange, in festive mood,


    A nice marriage, all well and good.


    But life couldn¡¯t be so easy,


    Never do trust a prophecy¡­


    For Chaos tops all the bastards,


    Peace forever? Wake up retards!


    A dark chamber, blood stains on bed,


    Virgin¡¯s first night¡­ What d¡¯ya expect?


    But of the bride none could be found,


    While dumb husband strolled in dreamland.


    In castle nights, only torch-lit,


    Even the guards were uneasy,


    Yet this one was more than a bit,


    A new recruit, his name ¡°Lucky¡±.


    ¨C


    Having parents uninspired,


    Maybe it was what backfired,


    For Irony, this fated night,


    On the poor kid, had set His sight.


    Calm should have been his first patrol,


    But he crossed path with the bride¡¯s stroll.


    Now before him sat the princess.


    Madly sexy, in her night dress.


    Still the boy¡¯s rod remained flaccid,


    Which was quite strange for a male kid,


    Not that he held some handicaps¡­


    The dead maid next to her perhaps?


    The palace girl too looked caught short,


    Grasped from behind¡­ a hug of sort?


    However she didn¡¯t protest¡­


    Was it her heart, ripped from her chest?


    And the princess, should be said first,


    Had in the maid, her fangs sunken.


    What an odd way to quench your thirst¡­


    Maybe too far was the kitchen?


    ¨C


    Gone was the mane as dark as night,


    Replaced by threads of bony white.


    Gone deep blue eyes, sparking in joy,


    Drowned in blood red of Hell¡¯s envoy.


    Scared by the scene, the newbie guard,


    Staggered backwards, and fell quite hard.


    Now he had the beast¡¯s attention.


    ¡­


    Hope you made your prayers, moron.


    But thankfully, against all odds,


    Or by the will of some bored gods,


    As the lad, in stunned fright, relapsed,


    The full dame, on the ground, collapsed.


    Cursing his name, seeing the mess,


    Lucky felt tears flow down his cheek,


    A dead maid and a cursed princess,


    What fucked-up way to start a week¡­


    ¨C


    Once upon a time, in a forgotten land,


    There was a king, and a queen, and their accursed child,


    The Princess of the Blood, shame to the lineage,


    For misfortune she brought, right after marriage.


    But the country ignored these facts,


    Swiftly hidden by the monarchs,


    Truth was buried, with the bodies,


    Of a maid and a guard newbies.


    Struck by a plague, their poor daughter,


    Was sent away during the night,


    Away until she got better,


    They fooled them all, all but her knight.


    ¨C


    Well, truth be told, every idiot,


    Which probably the man was not,


    Would have thought something wasn¡¯t right.


    Since when was plague caught overnight?


    As her husband, he was damn sure,


    Given her cute screams of pleasure,


    His bride clearly hadn¡¯t been sick,


    Under the pounding of his d***.


    However his claims were denied,


    By the royals clad in their pride.


    Consort he was, but yet not crowned,


    And as a knight, his life they owned.


    Since when it rained, it always poured,


    The whole kingdom steadily soured,


    And peace reached closer to breakup,


    As old demons slowly woke up.


    Terrified by the strong youngster,


    His own prowess, his ancestry,


    The king sent him fight some monster,


    In the mountain with his army.


    ¨C


    More like a curse than dumb bad luck,


    Wave after wave, disaster struck,


    Worse than ever in the known past,


    And before long, ten years had passed.


    Having fought trolls and the undead,


    Giant hydras with dozen heads,


    The prince consort, hero godsend,


    Wanted answers, his patience spent.


    For the first time in ten winters,


    He stood before the two rulers,


    Power and rage bursting from him,


    He looked as strong as he looked grim.


    The king and queen, shrinking in fear,


    Wetting their oh so royal pants,


    Then spilled the beans for all to hear,


    And the knight killed them by his hands.


    If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ¨C


    Hidden fortress, from tales untold,


    Vestige of king Erwyn the Old,


    A high room in a tall tower,


    That was the place they chose for her.


    For days he rode, his love in mind,


    Her long black hair, her face so kind,


    Her deep blue eyes, her smile so bright,


    Her skin, her breasts¡­  Her shy ¡®that¡¯ night.


    This was a lie! An imposture!


    His wife, a beast?! A girl so pure?


    What god was behind this madness?


    Although I sure can place a guess¡­


    Now before him stood a green mount,


    And under him died his worn mount.


    True that rhyme is fucking lazy.


    What do you care?! It¡¯s my story.


    Behind the thick emerald wall,


    A wrung castle, like child doodles,


    In a valley shaped as a bowl¡­


    Now I¡¯m hungry for some noodles.


    ¨C


    Reaching the keep¡­ was damn easy.


    WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!! ¡­ I mean ¡°really?¡±


    No mad monster? No killer spell?


    This girl¡¯s prison, a gilded cell?


    I¡¯m so pissed off, you freakin¡¯ knight!


    Do you know what I had to fight?!


    Goblins, bonies, undead legion!


    Two dullahans, and a DRAGON!!


    <del>Well, that last one was kinda my fault but</del>


    And Mister takes his own sweet pace,


    Tired but groomed, barely sweaty,


    STROLLING IN LIKE HE OWNS THE PLACE!!!


    YOU FUC but I digress. Sorry.


    ¨C


    A warm bedroom, all blue and red,


    The two lovers, at last they met.


    And for them then, raised the curtain,


    On a last act, of death and pain.


    Shattered hopes, and crude dismay,


    Her dark nature on full display,


    White hair and skin, foreign to life,


    Undead demon, no more his wife.


    Vampire! He knew the name and looks.


    Old families meant some old books.


    His own being ancient indeed,


    Forbidden tomes were his night-read.


    Crumbling parchments on the dark arts,


    Necrotic spells he learnt by heart.


    Of House Corbin he was the head,


    And their trade was¡­ yes, the undead.


    Endless torture, tormented soul,


    For a raised corpse, death is mercy.


    He bound his love, fulfilled his role,


    He raised his sword to set her free.


    ¨C


    Years of longing, alone and scared,


    A life so void she barely cared,


    To quench her thirst, a magic cup,


    Battling demons, not giving up.


    For she was sure, one day he¡¯d come,


    Her loved husband, strong and handsome.


    For him she fought, day after day,


    Keeping madness, chaos at bay.


    Between nightmares, he would appear,


    Guarding her sleep, honest and dear.


    He was her sun in endless night,


    Her champion, her hero¡­ her knight.


    And there he stood. Was it a dream?


    If it was one, let it not fade.


    She stepped forwards, began to beam,


    Only to halt, pierced by his blade.


    ¨C


    Anguish, shock, dread, a bleeding heart.


    Double meaning in that regard¡­


    How could it be, like this to die?


    To the traitor, one lone word: ¡°Why?¡±


    Hearing her voice, so clear and pained,


    Proof that her soul was yet not stained,


    The knight¡¯s conscience filled with horror,


    At the deepness of his error.


    <del>moron</del>


    He came to see that his own mind,


    Through war had been warped and made blind,


    To face death had made himself steel,


    His heart forgot how love to feel.


    Fatal mistake, insane remorse,


    Then a voice rose, hateful and hoarse:


    ¡°Dad, you, all men¡­ you¡¯re all the same,


    My knight, my Love, I CURSE YOUR NAME!!¡±


    On her doll face, no more stupor,


    Unbound madness devouring her.


    Wrenched and broken, down to her core,


    Her darkened soul took her lover.


    ¨C


    Once upon a time, in a forgotten land,


    There was Ambrose, Victoria, but no hope of child,


    No monster, no demon, but a dreadful curse,


    From man to man it passed, what used to be hers.


    This is the tale of a sad fate,


    Budded in love, shrivelled in hate,


    Tale of a rose, with thorns on it,


    Tale of gardeners and of bullshit.


    Because, you know, what¡¯s the moral?


    Don¡¯t be stupid, don¡¯t stab you pal?


    Don¡¯t lock your daughter in her room,


    Without telling shit to her groom?


    And come on dude, no healing spell?


    You were a mage, so what the hell?!


    Healing magic kills dark beings?


    YOU¡¯RE HALF NECRO!! WORK UP THOSE THINGS!!!


    FUCKING MORON!! IT¡¯S ALL YOUR FAULT!!


    BEFORE THE KILL, CHECK IF SHE¡¯S SANE!!!


    COME CLOSER, TAKE MY LIGHTNING BOLT!!


    FOR HEAVEN¡¯S SAKE, WHERE WAS YOUR BRAIN?!?!


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *slam*


    A red book flew through the room, hit a wall and fell on the carpeted ground, quickly followed by other fat tomes filled with various handwritings.


    ¡°HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! EVEN LIKE THIS IT STILL DOESN¡¯T MAKE SENSE!!!¡±


    Standing next to a writing desk and a knocked down chair, an out-of-breath beautiful poet in mismatched clothes was tearing her hair out.


    ¡°THIS IS FUCKED UP! Who wrote this script?!


    Clich¨¦, boring! AH! SO STUPID!


    And stop rhyming GB Princess!!


    ¡­ Oh, for fuck¡¯s sake¡­ what a damn mess¡­¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    Sweet rhyming Jesus! Writing like that is idiotically difficult¡­ especially in a language that¡¯s not your own¡­. God. Why did I even do that? And now my brain is stuck¡­ I¡¯ll go listen to some yodel</a>. It might unstuck it. Back in a sec¡­


    .


    .


    .


    It did¡­ But now something else is stuck¡­ What am I doing with my life?


    Anyway, see you next chapter and thanks for reading.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.19 – Beauty and the Breast

    Chapter 19 ¨C Beauty and the Breast


    ¡°I''m friends with the monster that''s under my bed,


    Get along with the voices inside of my head,


    You''re trying to save me, stop holding your breath,


    And you think I''m crazy, yeah, you think I''m crazy.


    Well, that''s nothing.¡±


    ¨C The Monster,


    Eminem feat. Rihanna


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    *SHIIIIIT* ¡­ *SHIIIIIT* ¡­ *SHIIIIIT* ¡­ *SHIIIIIT* ¡°¡­hold this! I¡¯m going to try and discon-¡± *SHIIIIIT* ¡°-main reactor!¡±


    ¡°Is the subsidiary power system going to hol-¡± *SHIIIIIT*


    ¡°I don¡¯t know but it¡¯s ou-¡± *SHIIIIIT* ¡°-ance to avoid the meltdo-¡± *SHIIIIIT* ¡°AND SOMEONE GO CUT OFF THAT ALARM!!! NO-¡± *SHII-* ¡°Thank you Hepokesyouranus.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s Hypothalamus.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Sorry, Hippopotamus.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°So? What are you gawking at like an idiot?! We¡¯ve got an overheating reactor to deal with, for copulation¡¯s sake! Or do you want us all to die, Hippyfullofpus?¡±


    ¡°¡­ but it¡¯s not my job¡­¡±


    ¡°Neither is it mine! Now back to work! THAT¡¯S AN ORDER HYPEROCTOPUS!¡±


    ¡°¡­I don¡¯t get paid enough for this.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t get paid.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°CAPTAIN LOBE!!¡±


    ¡°What now?! And who the cell are you?¡±


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Sy-Synapse D-Doug, ID num-number 945 863 785. Re-repo-porting the cu-cu-current situation Ca-captain!¡±


    ¡°Doug, are you cancerous?¡±


    ¡°N-N-NO! No, Sir! I¡¯m as hea-healthy as-¡±


    ¡°THEN STOP STUTTERING!!¡±


    ¡°S-Sorry! B-But it¡¯s the f-first time I¡­ I¡­¡±


    ¡°Never been in crisis protocol?¡±


    ¡°N-N-N-¡±


    ¡°STOP THAT!¡±


    ¡°No sir! I mitosised this morning!¡±


    ¡°Newbies¡­ seriously. Well, better get used to it Doug. This place isn¡¯t really a safe affectation. Now your report! Has the stowaway been dealt with?¡±


    ¡°Yes! ¡­ I mean no! We have her confined, but she¡¯s too strong! And the lack of oxygen is starting to-¡±


    ¡°Lack of oxygen?¡±


    ¡°Yes sir, Andr¨¦ and Aline are running amok and Riccardio isn¡¯t taking it very well.¡±


    ¡°Stroke! That pair again! Do you know if Thyroid is still with Mnemo?¡±


    ¡°I-I guess sir¡­¡±


    ¡°Alright, Doug, follow me. I might have to send express orders.¡±


    ¡°Yes sir.¡±


    ¡°OBSTRUCTEDSINUS, I¡¯M COUNTING ON YOU!! DON¡¯T LET EVERYTHING IMPLODE!!¡±


    *taptaptaptap* ¡°It¡¯s Hypothalamus!¡± *taptaptaptap*


    ¡°This way, Doug.¡±


    ¡°¡­Is he going to be okay?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry. Hypothalamus complains a lot, but she¡¯s a pro.¡±


    ¡°THAT WAS A SHE?!¡±


    ¡°Yes... Don¡¯t mention it in front of her, she¡¯s pretty sensitive.¡±


    ¡°¡­ With all due respect, Captain Lobe, you were plenty insensitive earlier.¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. I was just teasing her.¡±


    ¡°Captain, are you in lo-¡±


    *cough* ¡°By the way, any news of Testo?¡±


    ¡°Lieutenant Stallone? He still hasn¡¯t woken up from the shock.¡±


    ¡°Tsh. Well, of course. His department took the most damage. Let¡¯s hurry.¡±


    *taptaptaptap-tap*


    ¡°That¡¯s it.¡±


    ¡°Herr Thyroid is behind that scary door?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Haha. He¡¯s a bit of a shady character, but he gets the job done.¡±


    ¡°The real question being ¡®Who is normal around here?¡±


    ¡°You said something, Doug?¡±


    ¡°No Captain.¡±


    ¡°Well, let¡¯s.¡±


    *knock knock*


    ¡°Ja?¡±


    ¡°Thyroid! It¡¯s Lobe!¡±


    ¡°Arr! Herr Kapit?n! Goot goot! Pliz come in!¡±


    *creak*


    ¡°You should oil that door.¡±


    ¡°ArrArrArr! Aber das gives so much more ambianze. Und, wer is ze klein guy?¡±


    ¡°Doug. He¡¯s new.¡±


    ¡°ArrArr. Fresh bloot. Goot. Vy not leave him to me vor a vew days?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll think of it.¡±


    ¡°Eeeeeeh! Captain!?¡±


    ¡°Now back to the topic. How are things going on with Mnemo?¡±


    ¡°Arr, ja. Ze little girl... Vell, zee vor yourselves.¡±


    *creak*


    ¡°MMMMMMMMmmmmh! MMh!! Mmmm¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­ Shouldn¡¯t you remove the gag?¡±


    ¡°Arrrr¡­ Was habe ich mir blo? dabei gedacht?! Right avay, Herr Kapit?n.¡±


    *ruffle*


    ¡°mmh-MMPTAIN!! HELP ME!!¡±


    ¡°Ahlalalala. Mnemo, we¡¯ve been over this. This is for your own good.¡±


    ¡°What can be good about leaving me in the hands of that psycho?!¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re sick Mnemo. You persist in talking nonsense.¡±


    ¡°WHAT NONSENSE! I know it! I remember! It¡¯s my JOB to remember! It¡¯s the truth that we suddenly¡­¡±


    ¡°Thyroid. Gag.¡±


    ¡°Jawohl.¡±


    ¡°¡­got turned into a gi-mmh¡­ MMMMM-¡±


    *creak-shut*


    ¡°¡­ Captain¡­ What was that about?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Thyroid, what was that about? You¡¯re usually way more efficient.¡±


    ¡°¡­captain¡­¡±


    ¡°Arrr¡­ Ja¡­ vell¡­ Die latest experienze vas quite traumatizing, ich f¨¹rchte. Ze endocrination prozess is thougher zan usual. Vielleicht, if I could use more hormones¡­¡±


    ¡°Permission granted.¡±


    ¡°Jawohl, Herr Kapit?ne!! Danke sehr! Ich shall limit ze side effectz to the bare minimum!¡±


    ¡°Please. Do whatever is necessary, but get us out of this mess. You know things won¡¯t calm down as long as she remembers unnecessary details.¡±


    ¡°Kein problem. Leave it to Professor Thyroit!¡±


    *creak*


    ¡°Oh! And do something about Andr¨¦ and Aline. Testo Stallone is already down, I don¡¯t want to lose Riccardio too. That¡¯d be fatal. Literally.¡±


    ¡°Ja. Ich vill give zose nasty kidz a spanking!¡±


    *creak-shut*


    ¡°¡­Captain, what exact-¡±


    ¡°CAPITAIN LOBE, SIR!¡±


    ¡°What?! And who?¡±


    ¡°Synapse Doug, ID number 945 863 600, Sir! Here to report the situation with the intruder, Sir!¡±


    ¡°Are you newbies all named Doug?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have access to that information, Sir! With all due respect, you should consult the Memory, Sir!¡±


    ¡°¡­ Haha¡­ Right¡­ Well, she¡¯s occupied right now. *cough* Anyway, your report.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Sir! We¡¯re in deep shit, Sir!¡±


    ¡°Ah, good.¡±


    ¡°Sir?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ no. I¡¯m just relieved. For a moment, I was afraid you might be far too serious to work here. But it seems you¡¯ve got at least a loose screw after all.¡±


    ¡°What the fuck are you saying, Sir?¡±


    ¡°Anyway, the situation?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Sir! We had the stowaway cornered, but the bitch escaped and we lost sight of her, Sir!¡±


    ¡°Alright, I got it. Doug, go back to your squad and tell them I¡¯m taking care of this, but they still have to continue searching the area. Doug, you follow me.¡±


    ¡°Eeeeeh¡­¡±


    *sigh* ¡°Swearing Doug, you go back. Moron Doug, follow me.¡±


    ¡°Fuck yes, Sir!¡±


    ¡°Fueee¡­¡±


    *taptaptaptaptaptap-tap*


    ¡°Here we are.¡±


    ¡°Are all the doors in this place that scary?¡±


    ¡°Haha. Pretty much. But this one is a bit peculiar.¡±


    *tshack* *slick* *klik-klik-klik* *tiptiptip* *zweeee*


    ¡°That¡¯s a lot of locks.¡±


    ¡°Haha. Well¡­ we don¡¯t want what¡¯s inside to come out after all.¡±


    ¡°And what¡¯s inside, exactly?¡±


    ¡°The subconscious¡­¡±


    *crrrrrrrrreak*


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Oil?¡±


    ¡°Oil.¡±


    *tap* *tap*


    *crrrrrrrrreak-shut* *zweeee* *tiptiptip* *klik-klik-klik* *slick* *tshack*


    *tap* *tap* *tap* *SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEE*


    ¡°AAAAAAH!! What was that?!¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t look around. Even I don¡¯t know all the crazy thoughts that are suppressed in here. And be careful, the steps are slippery.¡±


    *glups*


    *tap* *tap* *tap*


    ¡°This place is like a maze.¡±


    ¡°Not ¡®like¡¯. It is a maze. More of a seal in fact. Don¡¯t worry newbie. I know perfectly where I¡¯m going.¡±


    ¡°And where would that be Captain?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­Captain?¡±


    ¡°¡­Ever heard of ¡®fighting fire with fire¡¯?¡±


    ¡°What do you mean, Captain?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll know soon enough.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    *tap* *tap* *tap* *splosh* *splosh* *splosh*


    ¡°Why are all the passages flooded?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t let it bother you.¡±


    *splosh* *splosh* ¡­ *splosh* *splosh* *splosh*


    ¡°Soon enough¡¯ he said¡­¡±


    ¡°Something the matter, Doug?¡±


    ¡°Nothing Captain.¡±


    *splosh* *splosh* *splosh*


    ¡°We¡¯re close. I think it was the next turn. Ah! See.¡±


    ¡°Whoa! Is that a cell? It huge!¡±


    ¡°Indeed¡­ It was built specially for¡­¡±


    ¡°Hehehehehe¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­him.¡±


    ¡°Hehehehehehehe¡­¡±


    *clonk**clonk**clonk*


    ¡°OOOOOOOHOHOHOH!! I know that voice! Isn¡¯t it that little Lobe? To what do I owe the pleasure? Sorry if I don¡¯t welcome you with a hug, but as you see, I¡¯m quite chained.¡±


    *clonk**clonk*


    ¡°Bonkers¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­captain, who¡¯s that creepy old man?¡±


    ¡°Captain!? Oh my! Little Lobe got a promotion! Or did you proclaim yourself ¡®Captain¡¯ after you cast me down here? Hehehe. I¡¯m sure you must be one hell of a boss, right, ¡®Captain¡¯? Hehehe. Hey! Kiddo, do you want to know how your dear honourable ¡®Captain¡¯ stabbed me in the back and threw me away in this dark and boring prison?¡±


    ¡°Fuueeee¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh, damn¡­ We got a retard here.¡±


    ¡°Shut up Bonkers, we disposed of you back then because you were flawed, handicaped and out-of-control. We wanted a little freedom of thought, not full-on straitjacket-worthy madness!¡±


    ¡°Hehehehe¡­ Such half-assedness as usual, Lobe. And we? Hehehe. Right. Little ugly Hypo was in on it too. Did you finally made your move, or are you still pretending to be unable to remember her name? Hehehe.¡±


    ¡°SHUT UP! I was about too, but then the whole mess with Jenny happened and we got overloaded with work!¡±


    ¡°Puah! Jenny¡­ If it had been me in charge, we would have never even looked at that plain idiot. All too sane and sound¡­ Disgusting.¡±


    ¡°We needed stability! A frame to hold on to.¡±


    *snort* ¡°Yeah, right. That¡¯s exactly what I said. Half-assed¡­ Anyway. I¡¯d love to keep talking about old times, but I guess you¡¯re not here for that? So what is it?¡±


    ¡°You know perfectly why I¡¯m here.¡±


    ¡°Hehehe. Me? How could that be? Hehehe. Look, I¡¯m chained¡­¡± *clonk**clonk* ¡°¡­and caged in the depth of Pandemonium. How could I know what¡¯s going on outside?¡±


    ¡°You seemed perfectly aware of Jenny seconds ago.¡±


    ¡°Now, was I deary? I wonder¡­¡±


    ¡°Enough with the bullshit Bonkers.¡±


    ¡°Hehehe. Such kill-fun as usual. Want me to deal with the soul of Princess McVampire?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°I refuse.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Why? We¡¯re on the brink of collapse here. And if we die, you die too.¡±


    ¡°PU-PUUUH!! That¡¯s where you¡¯re wrong, sissy. I¡¯ve all to gain and nothing to lose right now. So, go ahead. Lose it! Saving your sorry neurones after what you¡¯ve done to me?! Why would I do that?¡±


    ¡°Your freedom.¡±


    ¡°Ho-hooo¡­ It¡¯s that bad, uh? Hehehe. Then try and say ¡®please¡¯.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t quite catch that, deary.¡±


    ¡±¡­Please.¡±


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ Still nothing. I¡¯m quite old you know. My hearing isn¡¯t what it used to.¡±


    ¡°PLEASE! We need your help.¡±


    ¡°Hehehe. Of course you do. You can¡¯t do shit on your own, kid. Alright. We got a deal. Let me out of here and I¡¯ll take care of whatever threatens your little sloppy uncommitted craziness... Hehehe¡­ Destroy everything¡­ Erase everything that hurts¡­ Entrust this mind to me¡­ I will save it from suffering¡­¡±


    ¡°I warn you Bonkers! I¡¯m not as weak as I was in the past. We are not as weak. If you overstep your limits again, I¡¯ll act in consequences.¡±


    ¡°Hehehe. Right Loby. I¡¯m sooo scared. NOW UNCHAIN ME!!¡±


    ¡°¡­alright.¡±


    *tick-clik-clonk* *shack* *CLONK*


    ¡°Aaaaaah. It¡¯s so good to be free again. Thank you Loby. Now let¡¯s go back outside. I wonder if my room is still in disorder like I left it.¡±


    ¡°Do your job first.¡±


    ¡°Alright. Alright¡­ But¡­ You do know that this ¡®Victoria¡¯ is but a computer program and thus doesn¡¯t pose any real threat whatsoever?¡±


    ¡°Uh?! But we had so many probl¡­ You!¡±


    ¡°To late Loby! HAHAHAHA!! I¡¯m out, and you don''t have what it takes to control my power! Hehehehe! You''re nothing more than a mere fragment of my madness! HAHA!! Well, I¡¯m off to thank that princess! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEhehehehe¡­¡±


    ¡°BOOOOONKERS!!!¡±


    *rumble* *rumble* *RUMBLE*


    ¡°¡­Captain?¡±


    ¡°What have I done?¡± <1>


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Breakdown Day?


    ? What¡¯s this? What¡¯s this?


    Red and blue everywhere.


    What¡¯s this? ?


    That white thing?! It¡¯s my hair!


    What''s this?


    I can''t believe my eyes. ?


    I must be dreaming.


    Wake up Elric, ? this isn''t fair!


    What''s this? ?


    What''s this? What''s this?


    There''s something very wrong


    What''s this? ?


    ? The fuck I sing this song?


    What''s this? ?


    My body lines are sweet,


    My bosom¡¯s arousing,


    ? How can I even be happy?!


    Have I possibly gone daffy? ?


    WHAT IS THIS?!¡± <2>


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ What am I doing?¡±


    Interrupting herself in the middle of a twirling arabesque, Victoria Sangbleu, lone princess imprisoned in a dark tower, enchanting beauty rivalling the fairest immortal elves, half-vampire blessed with eternal youth¡­ formerly a man¡­ forced her mind back to a semblance of reason and lowered her raised foot, nonetheless concluding the move with a gracious bow towards an unseen audience.


    Hehehe. Clap clap clap¡­ Come back here Bonkers!! ... NEVER! Hehehehe¡­ ¡­ kill¡­ drink their blood¡­


    ¡°Hahahaha. I don¡¯t know why¡­ I should be mortified right now¡­ At first, I was shocked as hell. Serious mode recoil I guess¡­ But now I feel great! HAHAHAHAHA!! Better than in ages! Was I born to be a girl? Nonsense! I still feel like a man inside! A dirty-minded, game-addicted, porn-loving man! Or a lesbian maybe? Does it really matter? It¡¯s only a virtual body anyway. But with the time differential, I spend as much time inside UT as out¡­ maybe more actually¡­


    Oh, well. What is a male in this day and age anyway? Or a female? Take Hell from the band Faust for example. No no, come back here. Listen to me. You see, she looks more like a delinquent bishounen than anything, but she¡¯s an awesome violinist, so nobody cares! Although, people wonder all the time if she¡¯s really in love with the singer Angel. Me? I don¡¯t really care. Although I think those girls would make an awesome couple. But what about Cheshire and Cerberus then? Mmmmh¡­ I don¡¯t know¡­ AH! This is so stupid! Shut up, my inner fan girl!! I don¡¯t care what the people making my music do!


    Although¡­ *cough*


    ? From tales untold,


    Rose the Black Raven. ?


    ? Legends unfold,


    Lend you ears children¡­


    Pffffft¡­ HAHAHAHA!! I CAN SING!! HAHEHE!! I love it! Besides, it really is not that bad. Hehehe¡­ Heeee¡­ Well, the strength and stamina suck big time¡­ but one might expect a vampire to suck at something I guess¡­ Vampire, dhampire, whatever¡­ Anyway, this body¡¯s suppleness really isn¡¯t bad.¡±


    To prove her point ¨C to Chaos knows who though ¨C Victoria took hold of one of her feet and tuck it behind her head, still standing up, and looked at herself in the mirror.


    ¡°Hahaha! Would you look at that! I wonder how those atrophied hikikomori muscles are even not tearing apa-¡±


    *crrrrrrrrrrrak*


    ¡°¡­ The muscles¡­ right¡­ but the clothes?¡±


    The misfit saggy pants hadn¡¯t survived, especially in the crotch region.


    Natural white-haired, uh? ¡­ kill¡­ bastard¡­ Haha. You still there squatter?


    ¡°Well, better change out of those rags. Oh¡­ that¡¯s quite unfair to call them rags¡­ Sorry clothes, it¡¯s my fault for being careless. But it¡¯s true I can¡¯t walk around in gaping trousers. And did I really forgot to add underwear to this garb? This smells fishy¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure I didn¡¯t. Is there some kind of Fan Service Go- Entity out there? ¡­ Oh fudge. I hope there isn¡¯t¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Innocent Chaos: Want me to put you two in contact?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    So there is?! ¡­ curse heaven¡­ I agree on that one¡­ And now I¡¯m questioning the extent of your awareness, princess. You sound pretty pertinent sometimes. ¡­ blood¡­ sacrifice a goat¡­ or not¡­


    Shaking her head in disbelief, Victoria began to remove her garment splattered here and there by dried up gore.


    Sheiss¡­ This transformation was so messy. ¡­ blood¡­ blood everywhere¡­ pain¡­ curse them¡­ Yeah yeah Victoria¡­ Tsh. This isn¡¯t going to work. I can¡¯t keep referring to both myself and you as ¡°Victoria¡±. Even I would get confused¡­


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ How do I call you? You¡¯re sort of a vengeful spirit, so¡­ V? For Victoria? Nah¡­ too short. V¡­ Vampire¡­ Victoria¡­ Vengeance¡­ Ventilator¡­ Vermillion Valkyrie cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate and the vile volition of vicious vanity that veiled the pure verity? ¡­ Vlad? Nope.¡± <3>


    Any suggestion? ¡­Ambrose¡­ I am not calling you that. ¡­ kill¡­ love¡­ rip his throat¡­ Were you even answering?


    Losing herself in thoughts, Victoria dropped the last piece of cloth, and spun to face the cheval glass in her glorious birthday suit.


    Her mind immediately snapped out of its spiralling dive.


    *whistle* ¡°Oh my¡­¡±


    She winked at herself, and twisted her delicate body to look at it from different angles. Groping her smooth breast in passing, caressing her white skin and halting her hands on her firm buttock. Weirdly enough this version of ¡°Victoria¡± seemed taller than she had been on the bed earlier, closer to one metre seventy, seventy-five, and that detail alone made her look less childish, more ladylike.


    ¡°Does the size of the recipient of the curse matter? I didn¡¯t really get a good look, but I think that crazy dude was a tad shorter than Elric. Oh, well. It¡¯s better that way. Yes. Right my type. Physically at least. I¡¯m not too much into yanderes¡­ And even less in dead yanderes¡­ What about a dead yandere widow? Mmmmh¡­ This is messed up¡­ Speaking of messed up. It doesn¡¯t count as sexual harassment if I ¡®wear¡¯ her, right? Haha¡­


    Yet¡­ I feel disappointed by myself for not feeling even slightly aroused. Attracted? Fascinated? Slight worship? Yes. And I think there¡¯s something about the eyes¡­ But sexual appetite? Zero. Nada. Niet. Shame on me! Is it because it¡¯s my body? Or am I just tired? Or because it reminds me of Jenny? Sure, compared to Yasmin¡¯s athletic built, it looks rather¡­ Eeeeh¡­ Let¡¯s say ¡®weak¡¯, for a lack of a better term.


    Did my preference change without me noticing? Have I been searching for a girlfriend in the wrong demographic for all this time? Mmmh¡­ That deserve some thoughts. Or maybe I can¡¯t avoid thinking of Alucard whenever I think ¡®vampire¡¯¡­ Talk about a cockblocker¡­ Ah, that word is kinda sexist, isn¡¯t it? Like men are the only one to... Wait¡­ Alucard¡­ Victoria! Right!¡±


    Princess, your new name is ¡®Seras¡¯! Happy? ¡­ burn in hell¡­ Of course you are! I¡¯m a genius.


    Self-congratulations accomplished, Victoria ¨C difficultly ¨C broke off eye-contact with her reflection and turned towards the wardrobe, wondering what kind of clothes an immortal bloodsucking princess would keep.


    The answer was, well, disappointing.


    ¡°There should be a limit to how many copies of the same dress someone can own¡­ Or is it something similar to the ink bottle? I haven¡¯t used so much of it, but it did look like it was refilling itself¡­ Oh well. The dresses are pretty at least.¡±


    The wardrobe was filled with long, pure white night dress, identical to the one ¡°she¡± had been wearing when Elric first entered the room. Sighing about the lack of variety, Victoria opened the lower drawers, and her mind momentarily went blank at the sight of a mass of white underwear.


    Not especially because she was bewildered at the thought of wearing female panties, nor had she any particular fetish in that area, but rather¡­


    ¡°Tsh. These look so uncomfortable. Seras is a princess right? Was¡­ whatever¡­ Can¡¯t I be expecting some level of quality?! Silk at least! Why is this so low class compared to the magical dress clones? It¡¯s so rough. Damn. I¡¯m not wearing that! I¡¯ll sew myself something out of one of the nightgown later.¡±


    She shut the drawers and the wardrobe, and pull on a dress.


    Although¡­ How do I go about making bras? I¡¯ll have to check the patterns on the internet. ¡­ war¡­ first Progenitor¡­ bloodthirst¡­  Although, can I even find something that¡¯s not porn when searching for ¡°bra¡± on the web? ¡­ Drake Sangbleu¡­ ancient weapons¡­  Or ¡°panty¡± for that matter. ¡­ Awakening¡­ Winter Solstice¡­ Oh, I¡¯ll manage somehow. ¡­ moron¡­


    While she pondered over the ¨C no doubt capital ¨C issue, her gaze distractedly gloss over the bedroom, only to fall on an angular red pile opposite the writing desk.


    ¡°Aaaah¡­ Right. Maybe I should put those books away.¡±


    Earlier, still mentally shaken by the brutal and unexpected alteration of her body, Victoria had nervously skimmed through the thick red tomes she found in the chamber, looking for information that could have helped her grasp the extent of her peculiar predicament.


    Their content had been interesting to say the least, but extremely frustrating too ¨C and writing a poem about it hadn¡¯t make the clich¨¦ series of events any less painful to swallow ¨C on top of being utterly devoid of any mean of freeing herself from the curse. The only way it implicitly stated was to pass it on to someone else¡­ said someone else unlikely to come by any time soon¡­ and also needing to be a man¡­ who, given her personal experience, she would have to kiss¡­


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    Even if her mind had come to accept her current appearance, there was a limit to how much shit it was ready to take over a short period of time.


    ¡°Definitely going to find another way out.¡±


    Taking a baseless resolution, she waltzed up to the messy heap of crimson-bound paper to put them back on their shelf in the right order ¨C because there was one.


    The first few volumes were a diary of sorts, written by the hand of Victoria herself ¨C the original model ¨C during the years of captivity that had preceded her death. Other than random notes about her activities at the time ¨C which would make one think boredom was actually what killed her ¨C as well as bits and pieces of information about her childhood in the Erwynian Royal Palace in Shaun, the encyclopaedic diary was mostly filled with invented tales, fantasies and dreams, especially about her ¡°handsome, brave, strong, and also handsome¡± husband Ambrose, how he was being a hero there, fighting somewhere else, doing this with her, that to her, would be soon coming for her, coming for her, about his first class ¡°swordsmanship¡±, his huge¡­ Well¡­ Let¡¯s just say she had had quite the¡­ imagination¡­ for a girl imprisoned at age thirteen, right after doing ¡°it¡± only once.


    I think those would sell as erotica. Should I? Isn¡¯t it like, copyrighted by Whatever or something? ¡­ wedding night¡­ pain¡­ blood¡­ Better edit it a bit first. ¡­ Ambrose¡­ asshole¡­


    ¡°¡­¡±


    That really could have used some context and phrasing, Seras. ¡­ Victoria!


    As the years passed though, the handwriting became messier, often switching mid-sentence from the relatively common Ancient Pandorian to weird abstruse script. It actually took some times to the gender-bent player to recognise the Runes of holi-fucking-ness, since She-Elric could now suddenly read them without any difficulties. Besides, who¡¯d use Soul Runes in their private diary anyway?


    The imagined stories got less cutely lewd too. Drifting towards stalker material in fact. The author of the diary would have probably faced internment if she hadn¡¯t been already locked up. Or the stake, which was more in vogue at the time.


    Although, truth be told, the creepy tales always remained in the worrisomely-dark-but-not-quite-dangerously-psychotic-yet area ¨C I¡¯m sure I could still find some buyers. Human beings are so fundamentally sick. ¨C and never degenerated to the mindless rage and hateful nonsense that filled most of the later volumes.


    ¡°And I suppose those are the oeuvres of the poor souls that fell victim to the half-assed curse she thoughtlessly casted on her dumb trigger-happy idiot of a spouse.¡±


    The present victim of the aforementioned curse didn¡¯t hesitate to call it ¡°half-assed¡± and ¡°thoughtless¡±, since nothing in the pages she had quickly read through seemed to indicate ¡°Seras¡± had had any prior experience in the dark arts back then, which meant the new-born vampire, or dhampire, had probably released some chaotic mix of Blood and Soul magic on the spurt of the moment, without really knowing what she was doing¡­ a course of action anyone sane would adamantly advise against ¨C the current Victoria, on the other hand, was starting to grow quite fond of her embarked demented ghost by that point.


    In-between the progressively darkening diary of the early tomes and the crazy incomprehensible loathsome rants of the last, a few were filled with neat and methodical notes from the primary target of the rough overpowered enchantment that had encompassed all of Bluerose, namely Ambrose Corbin, the Lion of Erwyn.


    Overlooking his phenomenal blunder, one could say the man truly had been knowing his stuff. When it came to Soul Magic at the very least.


    Indeed, what he had written was similar to an autobiography mixed with a compendium of Soul spells, though apparently nothing about Blood magic. Nevertheless, Victoria promised herself to thoroughly study the unorthodox grimoire later, since it was clear Ambrose, contrary to his wife, had been a talented and powerful mage, despite being a thoughtless moron.


    In fact, ¡°simply¡± being able to retain his self-awareness after receiving the full force of the curse was already in itself a proof of his abilities, especially compared to the mess it had turned the later possessed into.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After putting the tomes back where they belonged, Victoria dropped on the large bed, staring at the elaborated rose carved on its tester, and wondered about that last point.


    ¡°Right. Why am I still myself? ¡­ Okay, I get the game can¡¯t actually brainwash a player. But it¡¯s not like there aren¡¯t other possibilities. Like¡­ falling unconscious, or partially losing control over your avatar. Yeah. I remember now. It¡¯s not like it¡¯s the first time I get possessed after all¡­ *sigh* Though that happened before the [Slutty Slug] Incident, so I guess the [Willpower] stat as something to do with this. Ah! Right. Stats. How about¡­ But, before that... Show [Interface Options].¡±


    Knowing he could easily get distracted, Elric had taken the habit of disabling all the information windows whenever he was tackling a difficult dungeon, with the exception of the ones warning him of unnoticeable hazardous effects like airborne poisons and the level up notices ¨C being careless about the allocation of his stat points didn¡¯t mean he completely disregarded their usefulness. Besides that, Chaos¡¯ messages just seemed to bypass anything he did to block them.


    But now Victoria wanted to know what happened. Glancing at the different options, she reactivated those she deemed pertinent, and then opened the archive.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Congratulations! You are the first to discover the [Forgotten Valley of Nowhere].


    + 400 Fame


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 29 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 76 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 14 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 142 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 300 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been mildly disabled.


    - 5% to all physical stats.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Hang-Gliding] reached Beginner Level 5.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You defeated a [Spectral Wolf].


    + 786 Exp


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You defeated a [Spectral Wolf].


    + 784 Exp


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You defeated a [Spectral Wolf].


    + 780 Exp


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    .


    .


    .


    ¡°Right right¡­ That¡¯s not what I want¡­¡±


    Rapidly skimming through six days of irrelevant notices, Victoria finally reached the interesting part.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have defeated the unique monster [Soul Dragon of the Abyss ¡°Kalameet¡±].


    + 80 459 Exp


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Congratulations! You are the first conquer the dungeon [Cursed Castle of Bluerose].


    + 250 Fame


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    For being a reckless idiot and fearlessly launching a frontal assault against a foe far stronger than yourself.


    +2 Willpower


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    For doing it twice, when you could have avoided fighting altogether.


    +3 Willpower


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­ Okay, maybe taking a dragon solo head on was a bit reckless.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Big Sarcastic Question Mark: ¡°A bit¡±?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Shut up. So, what¡¯s next?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 57 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Nice Reminder: That¡¯s when you tripped and nearly died.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Rubbing It In: ¡°Here lies Elric the Solar Knight, Conqueror of Bluerose, God of the Goblin-folk, Nightmare of the Undead, Slayer of the Soul Dragon, killed by slippery stairs.¡±


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°I get it already, so stop talking to me! I can¡¯t read over your damn blue rectangular speech bubbles!¡±


    Irritatingly dismissing the impertinent window, Victoria focused back on her archived notices, which had reached the part where everything went painfully wrong.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been [Paralysed].


    Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.Time remaining: Unknown (Sustained affliction).


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been [Parasitized] by [Cursed Soul of the Blood Princess ¡°Victoria Sangbleu¡±].


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been [Cursed].


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Curse: Hatred of the Betrayed Soul


    Victoria Sangbleu, Royal Princess of the Kingdom of Erwyn, daughter of Karl Sangbleu and Winnifred Vangarn, was once upon a time found infected with vampirism on the night of her thirteens birthday, the very night of her wedding with the knight Ambrose Corbin, titled the Lion of Erwyn. The reasons behind this sudden transformation still are shrouded in mystery.


    Horrified by the monster his daughter had become, the king immediately ordered her to be put to rest. Queen Winnifred, however, begged her husband to spare their cursed child. Sensible to his wife plea, Karl changed his mind and Victoria was sent away and imprisoned in secrecy under pretence of illness.


    For ten years locked behind a magical barrier in the Obsidian Tower of the antique Bluerose Castle, Victoria¡¯s resentment towards her father steadily grew, menacing to drag her down in the dark depth of the underlying madness brought by her uncontrolled metamorphosis. But the princess still fought her inner demons, supported by the belief her loved one would one day rescue her from this hell.


    Sadly, that day never came, as when Ambrose finally reached the keep where his wife was detained, he was deceived by his own tired and biased mind, and slew the overjoyed Victoria.


    Mortally betrayed successively by the two men she held most dear, the Vampire Princess fell into despair and, in her dying breath, unleashed chaotic powers she had no idea she possessed, creating a Grand Curse that doomed the object of her hatred, but damned her own soul in the process.


    Two millennia later, her tormented soul still lingers inside the Obsidian Tower, acting as a medium for the curse, devolved over time into a vengeful spirit where only faint traces of the scared girl of the past remain.


    Level: Grand Curse


    Effects:


    Your body becomes as Victoria¡¯s had been the day of her death. Some variations may occur depending on your original physique. Alteration brought by former victims do not transfer and the body is reset for each new recipient.


    All [Body] attributes are replaced by Victoria¡¯s.


    The [Cursed Soul of the Blood Princess ¡°Victoria Sangbleu¡±] possesses you. Her tormented wails of despair and hatred weaken your mind. Impact may vary according to your mental strength. Your body now houses two souls.


    - 50% resistance to mental attacks and negative status.


    All [Soul] attributes are stacked with Victoria¡¯s.


    You are now unable to leave the [Obsidian Tower]. Sucks to be you.


    All penalties linked to death are temporarily lifted.


    Upon death, you will reappear in Victoria¡¯s bed without delay.


    Release Condition:


    Be a dick ¨C you wish ¨C and give the bloody curse to another man.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°What¡¯s with the tone, you¡­ you¡­ window!?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been [Cursed].


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Again?!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Curse: Heaven¡¯s Scowl


    As one of the [Rulers of Darkness], the gods of Light frown deeply upon you and shall punish you if you dare to call out to them.


    Level: Minor Divine Curse


    Effects:


    Uttering any word related to the gods of Light or Heaven will cause unbearable pain and hurt.


    Release Condition:


    Change your alignment.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°THOSE BASTARDS!! I CAN¡¯T EVEN SWEAR IN PEACE?! FOR GO- ¡­ Fuck¡¯s sake¡­ And that¡¯s so stupid, what about the big Gs of the underworld? And you Chaos? You¡¯re one too, right?¡±


    <table style="background: #DC143C"><tbody><tr><td>


    Disapproving Randomness:  That¡¯s because they¡¯re snobs that always work with the lowest common denominator.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s kind of what you¡¯d expect from righteous omnipotent asses.¡±


    <table style="background: #006400"><tbody><tr><td>


    God of Shrug: Those arrogant pricks are not that omnipotent. Besides, all the Entities of Light are not that bad. Sunny is quite the nice girl. She¡¯s a klutz though.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Wait, what?! The Sun is a girl?¡±


    <table style="background: #F0E68C"><tbody><tr><td>


    God of Oooooops: Oh! I shouldn¡¯t have said that. She wanted it to be a surprise. Haha¡­ Let¡¯s just pretend I never said anything, okay? She¡¯ll already be mad because I snatch her favourite adventurer away¡­ I really don¡¯t want to piss her off any more than that.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Odd. Aren¡¯t you like¡­ one of the Super Big Shots? What are you afraid of? And what¡¯s with the rainbow?¡±


    <table style="background: #D87093"><tbody><tr><td>


    God of Shrug: I thought you said my ¡°blue speech bubbles¡± annoyed you?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Right¡­ Stop that. My eyes hurt.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    That¡¯s because of the [Night Vision] thingy¡­ Or was it [Dark Vision]? Anyway¡­ about Sunny¡­ Well, imagine a young and cute ditsy big sister knocking down furniture in your living room. Okay? Charming, right? Now give her a giant [Fireball] with a 15 million degrees Celsius output.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­Oh.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    THE GoC: Yeah¡­ But what about you? You seem pretty relaxed for someone who just got double-cursed.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Victoria just shrugged and rolled on the comfy bed.


    ¡°Bah. You know how it is¡­ ¡®Nothing is all bad, so when cursed, don¡¯t freak out and take as much of the curse as it takes from you.¡¯ Rule 66.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Coming up with those fancy names is getting tiring: Well¡­ You do get cursed a lot¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Right? Besides, there should be at least some good points. What about that [Rulers of Darkness] thing? That sound a bit like how a group of people with chuunibyou would name themselves, but what doesn¡¯t around here?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Choas: Ooooh~ Come on, I can¡¯t spoil all the fun, can I now?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    *sigh* ¡°And here I was, thinking you were cooperative at last.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Choas: Ah, but I am. You don¡¯t even know half of the things I do for you. Hehehehe¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Victoria¡¯s eyes widened in horror.


    ¡°Please¡­ mercy¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Choas: HAHAHAHAHA! Nope.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°You¡­ fucking¡­ bast-¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Choas: AH! T-t-t-t. No insult my young female friend, you¡¯d soil your cute bloodsucking mouth. Hahaha. Well¡­ That was fun, but I¡¯ve a cup of tea waiting for me. Bye bye, ¡°Victoria¡±! Have a nice day! And don¡¯t forget to brush your fangs! Hahaha¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Reading this, Victoria suddenly jumped up.


    ¡°WAIT!! I¡¯ve still things I want to ask! Chaos!¡±


    Her voice echoed in the empty bedroom, but no godly popping window answered her call.


    ¡°Tsh. That fucking craz-¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Choas: Oh! I almost forgot. I left a little gift for you in your inventory. No. No, don¡¯t thank me. A very merry unbirthday to you! Ciao bella!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°That guy¡­ I know he¡¯s the embodiment of random, but that is a bi-¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Choas: Did I say goodye?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!! ¡­ Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Ha¡­¡±


    Panting, Victoria waited, but the unpredictable Being seemed truely gone this time. Puzzled by the information she just got, she started to chew on a strand of her white mane, and distractedly called out her inventory. The little icon corresponding to her snapped Zweih?nder was slowly flashing. Reluctantly reaching out, she took out the broken weapon, fearing the worst.


    ¡°What has this guy done this tiiIIIH!!¡± *CLONK* ¡°Aouch!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 54 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Ow-ow-ow¡­ F¡¯cking genius! I can¡¯t even lift the damn thing. Aaaah¡­ My poor poor tiny foot. Ow-ow-ouch¡­¡±


    Glaring resentfully at the fallen, slightly glowing, huge half-blade, Victoria noticed a note attached to its grip. She crouched next to the weapon, and picked up the small parchment.


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''> Durandom, the Broken Blade of Chaos </td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Type:</td><td colspan=''2''>Weapon, Divine Artefact</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Restrictions:</td><td colspan=''2''>None (though, be able to lift it at least)</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Damage:</td><td width="25%">Random</td><td width="25%">Durability:</td><td width="25%">¡Þ</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>


    A broken longsword blessed by the God of Chaos Himself. Can be useful... maybe. It really depends on your luck¡­ But do not count on it too much. You have has much chances of blowing yourself up than turning your opponent into a flying rutabaga. Better throw it away.


    Special Attribute:


    Add a completely random effect with each strike. No mana cost.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°MY SWORD!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU ELATED BABOON!! *cry* Waaaaah-ha-ha-haaaaa¡­ It was an extremely rare regenerative weapon I stole from the [Mausoleum of the Archmage Empress]! What gift?! It¡¯s useless now! You overpowered blockhead! AAAAAAAAH!! ¡­ FUCK!!¡±


    Overwhelmed by rage, Victoria violently kicked [Durandom].


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 60 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°AAAAOUCH!!¡±


    Gripping her hurt foot, she tripped backwards and her head hit the stone wall.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 10 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Fu-¡±


    Darkness overcame the cursing princess.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have died.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Victoria woke up on a comfortable bed. Her head, resting on a fluffy pillow, as well as her foot were still pulsing with phantom pain. Rolling on the sheets, the Immortal Exiled Princess once more loathsomely glared at the useless blessed sword, then stood up and laboriously lifted the artefact to put it back in her inventory.


    ¡°Ha-ha-ha¡­ I never realised this thing was that heavy. Ha¡­ Ha¡­ *sigh* But did I just die after¡­ what¡­ a hundred damages? What the¡­ Show [Status Window]!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Status Window</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Identity</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Name:</td><td width="25%">Victoria Sangbleu</td><td width="25%">Alignment:</td><td width="25%">Darkness</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Level:</td><td width="25%">23</td><td width="25%">Class:</td><td width="25%">Bloodsoul Mage</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Race:</td><td width="25%">Dhampir</td><td width="25%">Subclass:</td><td width="25%">Princess</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gender:</td><td width="25%">Female</td><td width="25%">Marital Status:</td><td width="25%">Widow</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Title</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Immortal Exiled Princess</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Body & Soul</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Health:</td><td width="25%">120/120</td><td width="25%">Mana:</td><td width="25%">6 270/6 270</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">80/80</td><td width="25%">Fame:</td><td width="25%">1 000</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Basic Stats</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Strength (STR):</td><td width="25%">8</td><td width="25%">Wisdom (WIS):</td><td width="25%">198</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Agility (AGI):</td><td width="25%">20</td><td width="25%">Intelligence (INT):</td><td width="25%">227</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Vitality (VIT):</td><td width="25%">12</td><td width="25%">Charism* (CHA):</td><td width="25%">220 (+1)</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Additional Stats*</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Dexterity:</td><td width="25%">17</td><td width="25%">Luck:</td><td width="25%">30</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Endurance:</td><td width="25%">69</td><td width="25%">Nobility:</td><td width="25%">19</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Faith:</td><td width="25%">0</td><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Leadership:</td><td width="25%">40</td><td width="25%">Willpower:</td><td width="25%">138</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Magical Affinities</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Prime</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Fire:</td><td width="25%">1L</td><td width="25%">Nature:</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Water:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Void:</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Air:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Light:</td><td width="25%">2L</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Earth:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Darkness:</td><td width="25%">2L</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Sub</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Blood (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">1L</td><td width="25%">Runes (Void):</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Lightning (Fire):</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Soul (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">1L</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Poison (Nature):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%"></td><td width="25%"></td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>*Stat points cannot be added to this stat.</td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Uh?! Hahaha¡­ What the heck is that unbalanced thing? The physicals are pitiful¡­ How did she even managed to get her strength beneath the basic ten? But the rest just don¡¯t match with the level. Wait¡­ what did the curse say again? [Body] is replaced, but [Soul] is¡­ SATCKED! Right! Does that mean Seras spiritual attributes and my own were added up? Wait¡­ [Body] is replaced¡­ oh, shit. No-no-no-no-no! Show [Spells List]!!¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Action impossible. You do not know any spell.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°YEEEESSSS!! I was right! HAHAHAHA!! So each [Spell Ritual] really does implant the construct of the spell in the body of the mage! Like genetic engineering! And does NOT imprint it on the soul, contrary to the [Magical Affinity] that raises due to the spiritual mana backlash¡­ Of course! Like a living Runic circle! HAHAHAHA!! I¡¯m a genius! It is possible, because no matter how much you use the magic, the body still regenerate itself! ¡­ As long as the caster doesn¡¯t die¡­ Anyway¡­ That¡¯s beside the point. I was right and everyone else was WRONG!! What do you say to that, [Magic Guild]!! You pathetic losers! HAHAHAHA!!


    ¡­


    AH!!!  It¡¯s not the time to be laughing! MY SPEEEEELLS!! My beautiful, beautiful spells!! Waaaaaahahahaaaa¡­ *sob* Damn. Good thing I still have notes on most of the rituals, but gathering the ingredients is going to be such a pain¡­ And I¡¯m stuck here! Damn. So much mana and no spells!¡±


    What kind of incompetent Bloodsoul Vampire Mage were you Seras?! ¡­ eat their soul¡­ burn their corpses¡­ alone¡­ darkness¡­ Ah! Your useless!


    Victoria slowly massaged her temples, feeling the rise of a head-splitting headache.


    ¡°Seriously, such broken passives and no skill so work with¡­ Right! Show [Skills List]!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''2''> Skills List: </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Alchemy</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Ancient Language Mastery</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Baking</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Bewitching Eye</td><td width="25%">Beginner 4</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Blacksmithing</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Bloodline Aura</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Candy Making</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Carpentry</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Carving</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Chess Mastery</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Climbing</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Cooking</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Court Etiquette</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Doll Making</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Drain</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Echolocation</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Embroidering</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 4</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Erwynian Royal Sword Art</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Falling</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Fighting Mastery</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Fishing</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Floral Arrangement</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Formal dancing</td><td width="25%">Beginner 6</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gardening</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Handicraft</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Hang-gliding</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Hematokinesis (Higher)</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Herbology</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Hibernation</td><td width="25%">Beginner 5</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Linguistics</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Lock Picking</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Mapping</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Memorisation</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Metamorphosis</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Mining</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Music Instruments Mastery</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Nobility Aura</td><td width="25%">Beginner 4</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Repairing</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Riding</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Running</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Sewing</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Singing</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Stealth</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Survival</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Swimming</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Tailoring</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Taming</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Trap Detection</td><td width="25%">Beginner 1</td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Tsh. [Skills List] hide [Beginner 1].¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''2''> Skills List:


    [Beginner 1] hidden</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Ancient Language Mastery</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Bewitching Eye</td><td width="25%">Beginner 4</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Bloodline Aura</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Chess Mastery</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 1</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Court Etiquette</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Doll Making</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Drain</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Echolocation</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Embroidering</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 4</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Erwynian Royal Sword Art</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Floral Arrangement</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Formal dancing</td><td width="25%">Beginner 6</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Handicraft</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Hematokinesis (Higher)</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Herbology</td><td width="25%">Beginner 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Hibernation</td><td width="25%">Beginner 5</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Linguistics</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Memorisation</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Metamorphosis</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Music Instruments Mastery</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Nobility Aura</td><td width="25%">Beginner 4</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Riding</td><td width="25%">Beginner 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Sewing</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 3</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Singing</td><td width="25%">Intermediate 2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Tailoring</td><td width="25%">Beginner 7</td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°So it¡¯s like that¡­ I lost all my purely physical skills, but the ones based on some trade knowledge like [Blacksmithing] have just been reset to [Beginner 1]. Well¡­ ¡®just¡¯ reset¡­ Yeah, right! Tsh. I liked my [Fire Resistance]¡­ On the other hand, how did she raise [Chess Mastery] to [Intermediate 1] despite being alone for ten years? Wow¡­ The level of boredom really is over 9000¡­ Damn, I¡¯m tired. What¡¯s left? Ah. Right. With a race like that there should be some¡­ Show [Special Traits].¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Special Traits:


    Ageless


    Bloodthirsty


    Charm


    Dark Vision


    Heightened Erythropoiesis


    Hereditary Memory


    Higher Blood


    Night Dweller


    Predator


    Unholy Being


    Weak Sheltered Maiden


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Nice¡­ I guess. Well, that¡¯s the only reason that made me hesitate to start playing UT the day of its release. Humans, dwarfs or elves are pretty boring. But what the hell is Ery¡­ Erytro¡­ Erothypor¡­ Erythaporez¡­ THAT THING?!¡±


    Unlike skills, traits were fixed abilities and attributes that could be either advantageous or detrimental to the player, or vary between the two depending on the circumstances. Elves, for example, would be advantaged in a natural environment, but impaired in places with very little greenery. Dwarfs were dexterous and resistant to heat. Humans were¡­ well¡­ versatile?


    During the first days of Untold Tales, only three races and their half-breeds had been available, which meant most of the current higher level players were from either one of those, except for the few lucky ones that unlocked new playable races, and were thus rewarded with the opportunity of converting themselves.


    Nowadays, new adventurers had many more options to choose from, like dark elves, halflings, merfolks, demons, beastmen, orcs, and various other strange magical races, coming with a wide varieties of racial traits ¨C although vampires were still unheard of.


    One of the first updates of the game even introduced the possibility of getting a rare variant of a race, which would sometimes be randomly granted to a player upon creating their avatar.


    The process happened without the consent of the player, so they would only notice it when finally stepping onto the Pandore Continent. If they weren¡¯t happy, they could just delete their character and recreate it like they first intended to. It wasn¡¯t like they had done anything with it already.


    Very few did so though, as the variations were rarely detrimental. Well¡­ they weren¡¯t if the player managed to understand how to take advantage of it, because some were really impractical. Indeed, as much as playing a lamia sounded cool, moving on land without neither legs nor feet can prove quite challenging. Even mermaids would be able to grow legs past level twenty.


    Switching back and forth between her lists of skills and traits, Victoria pondered on what some of them actually did. She was about to select [Bewitching Eyes] to check if her first impression of it being some sort of hypnotic power was right, when her attention was by chance brought to the clock in the corner of her vision.


    Victoria the dhampire paled¡­ even more.


    ¡°OH SHIT!! School!¡±


    And she logged out.


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    <1> Feel free to reread with a little sing-over.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> Aaaah¡­ Jack Skellington¡­ that old jolly creepy psychopath¡­ Childhood memories.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Everybody need a good Nightmare before Christmas.


    <3> Behind that reference is an joke, and jokes are bulletproof.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    This is so silly¡­


    <hr />


    Haha¡­ The end was a bit abrupt, I apologise, but I had to stop somewhere, and explaining all the skills and traits would now would have taken another forever. That will be for another time. And the names are explicit enough to guess a bit, no? Erythropoiesis?


    The beginning of the chapter was just me having a sugar rush. Feel free to ignore it. Or just consider it was the MC tripping and fleeing reality.


    Besides that¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure I¡¯ve been thorough, but if you notice some mistakes, or have an idea about an awesome power you would like her to have, or something vampire should absolutely be able to do and that I forgot about ¨C the [Sparkle] skill? ¨C feel free to mention it in the comments.


    (Remarque: the count of damage when she hurts herself with the sword isn¡¯t equal to 120, I know. I considered she regenerated a bit while reading the note. And the wall delt more than [-10 HP], but since that was all she had left¡­)


    I¡¯m not very good with strict numerical precision when it comes to stats, damages, skills, mana cost, etc. so I¡¯m probably not going to be very exact all the time.


    Also, I know there was lots of info in this one, but I tried not to be too boring. If I was, please tell me so that I can avoid it in the future. If I wasn¡¯t, <del>shut the fuck up and praise me for something else!</del> no need to mention it.


    Anyway, thanks for reading as always, and see you next chapter.


    PS: Oh, right. Here¡¯s ¡°The Monster (Eminem ft. Rihanna)¡± (cf. opening quote). If you have never heard this song, it¡¯s worth checking out. I¡¯ll be honest though, I only understand one word out of three.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>


    NO GOING BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE!! YOU ARE TRAPPED!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 V0.SS – NO: Recruitment Issues

    Nutrek¡¯s Odyssey:


    Recruitment Issues


    NOOO! Stop! Cease! Desist! Do not continue with your ramblings, for my ramblings are the ramblings to be obeyed, for I am the king, supreme leader, and all-around dictator! Don''t you see? All you monkeys are my plan, so your plans are my plans, because you made plans and my plan was to make you. My plan to rule the planet, not to have my plan''s plan to stop ME! I am your creator! I am your king! I am MOJO JOJO! OBEY ME!


    ¨C Mojo Jojo, The Powerpuff Girls


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    In a cursed kingdom, forsaken by its gods and ruled by Darkness and Fear, in ancient marshy woods, a once gone Ruler of Evil had come back to the place of his <del>pathetic</del> demise, to recall from the abyss his <del>slaves</del> loyal servants he had <del>forgotten</del> left behind in a <del>fit of hysterical and idiotic</del> fleeting moment of rightful anger.


    ¡­?


    Who did this?! NUTREK!! Give me back that pen, you unfresh rodent! ¡­ I don¡¯t care you don¡¯t like the script! Complain to the other lazy bum, not me!! ... *sigh* Sorry ¡®bout that folks. This little guy is a bit difficult to keep under control¡­ Oh! In-game narrator here, by the way. Thank you for your faithfulness and als- OKAY!! Okay, sorry for breaking the fourth wall! But it¡¯s Nutrek that¡­ Compromise? But¡­ No excuse, I get it. ¡­ *cough* Slave driver *cough* ¡­ No. I didn¡¯t say anything, author-sama! Who do you think is doing all the work, you incompetent piece of smugnes- Sorry! Ow! AOUCH! SORRY!! I¡¯ll go back to the story! Please, stop hitting me¡­ Damn. It¡¯s all your fault, you Ice Age rip-off¡­ So¡­ *cough* Back to the chapter.


    It was in the trashed remains of a once sacred grove, that the abject summoning ritual was taking place.


    Under a sky of sombre thunderclouds, tormented spectres torn off the netherworld nauseatingly swirled around, twining their gaseous wrenched existence, attempting to flee, crying wails of despaired agony, while translucent chains continuously sprung from the ground and piercing their immaterial beings.


    Cackling, the heartless sorcerer observed the grisly scene, arms raised and sourly pleased. Then, at his command, tattered corpses laboriously emerged from the muck and the mutilated struggling souls were mercilessly dragged into their new crumbling prisons of rotten flesh and mangled bones, shackled to the broken bodies, condemned to servitude, darkness and pain, bound to the whims of the necrotic warlock that was now rubbing his bony paws in glee¡­ or so it should be.


    Smirking in self-praise, the undead overlord stepped forwards and addressed the assembly of decayed critters now tentatively standing before him:


    ¡°Greetings, my loyal and faithful subjects! Rejoice from those salutations, for you insignificant, unworthy, lowly beings have been chosen by mmmMMEEEEE, the grrrreat, the mighty, the revered, the MAGNIFICENT, THE¡­ the¡­ eeeh¡­ *cuigh* feel free to had other adjectives describing my glorious self, BUT I SHALL NOT!! For this one is perfect enough to be modest¡­ Although I, Nutrek Acornazieth the Fourth, allow you to praise my humbleness. But not all at the same time, please. Someone as unpretentious as my unmatched self would be embarrassed when showered with too mu-¡±


    ¡°RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRR!!!¡±


    ¡°¡­ Oh zounds.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    In a cursed kingdom, forsaken by most gods but Chaos, where even Darkness had learnt the meaning of Fear, in ancient marshy woods, echoed the screams of a curious unholy procession.


    Skeletal wolfs, headless chickens, foaming puppies scattering their innards, expired mussels, overcooked frogs¡¯ legs, floating peeled shrimps, squashed beetles, parcelled snakes, tortoise shells hosting disembodied spirits, stabbed porcupines, kittens stumbling on their own eyes, putrid foxes drooling blood and teeth, bunny ghouls, halved beavers, disembowelled flamingos, and other absurd abominations vomited by the depraved imagination of a necrophiliac zoologist under acid, were currently trampling, rolling and staggering at various speeds in a cacophony of disgusting gargles and growls.


    Preceding the demented cortege, a swearing fleshless squirrel was running on all fours, fleeing for his unlife.


    ¡°Damn you, Light Sword! Damn you. Damn you. Damn yoooooouuuuuu!! Just wait! Beware!! I shall get my revenge! Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-YEEESSSS! My revenge! IIIIIIIIIIIH!! And then you shall know the wrath of NUTREK ACORNAZIETH THE FOU-¡±


    ¡°RRRRRAAAAARRRRRRGLE!!!¡±


    ¡°SQIEEEEK!! Shit! Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit¡­.¡±


    Increasing his speed, Nutrek dashed away from the rebellious army he had summoned.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *ruffle* *ruffle* *sniff* *snort*


    ¡°¡­¡± *crack* ¡°Shit!¡±


    ¡°SCHWREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!¡±


    *rollroll**trbbbbblle**bombom**skrrrrrrrrrruuutch**kaplof**pong-pong-pong*


    Following the lead of a huge boar missing its ribcage, all the surrounding undead stopped their haphazard rummaging and rushed after a small shadow that was quickly fleeing west.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Silence fell back on the area as the heterogeneous nightmarish mob progressively left, much to the relief of a beautiful flower growing inconspicuously in the middle of a small muddy pond.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    *shruuui-plop*


    With a loud suction noise, a slimy pile of muck emerged from the puddle, topped by the swaying flower. Sliding its way to the shore, trembling like some dirty decorated pudding, the heap of mire slowly shed itself away, revealing a soiled bony rodent shivering in rage.


    ¡°Humiliating! Disgraceful! Vulgar! Ignoble! Opprobrious! Being reduced to hiding in such a shameful manner from a bunch of lowlifes incapable of recognizing a [Shadow Clone]! UNBELIEVABLE!! MORTIFYING!! Curse you Light Sword! CucucucuCURSE YOUUU!! Even father never treated me that way! ¡­ Well, he did try to destroy me¡­ BUT THAT HAPPENED ONLY ONCE!! ¡­ before I fled from home¡­ BUT¡­ But¡­ Aaaaaah¡­ What did I do to deserve this? I was quiet, calm, retired, didn¡¯t kill too many humans, stayed in my corner, destroyed very little, no more than a farm or two... maybe three¡­ and that one town¡­ once¡­ One little tiny little little little town in seven hundred years! It can¡¯t be even considered a bad action. Those ruffians had a terrible sense of humour. SQUIEK!! Even after that cursed power wave, when all those rough newbies started to eat people left and right, I just watched from afar and didn¡¯t participate. Hmmmpf. Like someone as noble as this one would lower himself to grace those uncivilized buffoons with his hellish presence! Ah! Unbelievable! Unthinkable! Unimaginable! Inconceivable! Impossible¡­ Implausible? ¡®That kind of binge eating is for lower beings. Not for noble liches such as ourselves¡¯, that¡¯s what father always said. Right! Didn¡¯t even lift a claw against that stupid trio that decided to picnic in the middle of a zombie swarm! A shame too, their dog would have made a good minion, he seemed quite the loyal type. Right. Why didn¡¯t I again? AH! That old freak! I don¡¯t know why, but his aura reminded me of father when he- No-no-no-no-no-no. Don¡¯t think about father! Don¡¯t think! DOOOON¡¯T! No. No. NO! You know how it always ends up. You know how you always get depressed when it happens! You know it! YOU KNOW!! Father hates you. Yes, he hates you! Because you¡¯re flawed! You¡¯re broken! A mistake! TRASH!! RUBBISH!! A failed experiment like your brothers! That¡¯s what he said! That¡¯s why he tried to kill you. That¡¯s why¡­ IIIIIIIIIIHH! Stop that! You¡¯re just hurting yourself! Stop! Stop! STOP!! Think of another emotion. Other emotion. Emotion? Happy. Curious. Confused. Sad. No, not sad. Angry. Angry? ANGRY!! LIGHT SWOOOORD!! I will find that bastard, kill him, raise him back from the abyss, kill him again, and then bind his soul to a fried slice of potato and EAT IT!! We¡¯ll see whose laughing then!! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI!! And why did that bastard have to take away my precious? It took so much effort stealing it from father too¡­¡±


    All the while incessantly talking to himself ¨C undead had no breath to catch, which made them pretty tiring to listen to ¨C in a rapid squeaky voice, Nutrek began walking fast ¨C for a squirrel ¨C, and East, deploring the loss of his irreplaceable artefact.


    Irreplaceable indeed, as the [Cursed Fated Acorn], which Elric had lightly pocketed after his encounter with the critter lich, was in fact a Unique item, created by one of the three most powerful necromancers to walk the Pandore Continent in the last six thousand years, a very eccentric fellow, the same who had brought Nutrek to ¡°life¡±, the one the bone squirrel called ¡°father¡±, a noble man who had forsaken his kingdom, his line, his duty, his body and his soul to dive whole into the study of the dark arts.


    Sole of its kind, the unremarkable seed held the power to convert Nature¡¯s energy into Dark magic. By fusing two forces most considered opposite ¨C he had actually thought Light magic would have reaped better results, but the experiment had still been a working progress back then ¨C, the mage had created an almost inexhaustible power source, which Nutrek had managed to steal the day he fled from his creator, in passing imprinting himself as the sole master of the overpowered item.


    Without it, the small rodent necromancer still wielded tremendous magic though. Raising dozens of undead truly was a piece of rotten cake ¨C after all, his father wasn¡¯t just anybody! ¨C but controlling the animated corpses was something else entirely, since it required continuous efforts and mana spending.


    Unfortunately, that was exactly where his powers failed him. His abilities were abnormally high, but the regeneration rate of his mana was also disproportionally low. Unexplainably so in fact. Regardless of how much he tried to retain it, power just leaked away from him like water from a pierced goatskin.


    He never exactly knew why. All he knew was that he sometimes felt this odd uncomfortableness, like his body and soul didn¡¯t perfectly fit, and that magic was spilling in-between the gaps.


    Which was stupid.


    Why would a squirrel body not fit a squirrel soul?


    It was just his imagination¡­


    It was ¡­right?


    ¡­father?


    Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Lost in a deep conversation with himself, Nutrek didn¡¯t notice he had left the woods, not until his attention was attracted by a familiar tug to his soul: There were usable remains nearby.


    Looking around, he was surprised to find himself in the middle of hilly plains. The sky was as cloudy as ever and a strong gale was laying down large patches of unhealthy grey grass and flapping Nutrek¡¯s [Cape of Very Scary Darkness]. In the distance, groups of equine silhouettes could be seen tentatively galloping, but nothing that the selfish arrogant tiny warlock could remember having a grudge against him.


    Satisfied by the relative safety of the place, the runaway squirrel focused back on the soul he could feel under his metatarsi.


    ¡°Okay. Good. Perfect. Nice. Let¡¯s not aim to high this time. Not too difficult nor numerous. Right. Right? RIGHT! Every great ruler always had a small circle of close powerful retainers, an elite squad, an order of knights that could serve him efficiently. Kikiki-squieeeek! Yes! If I have to be on the move again, bid my time, stay discreet until I get back at that Light Sword bastard, I¡¯ll have to prioritize,  to choose quality over quantity. Yes-yes-yes.¡±


    Crouching to be closer to the ground ¨C which made little difference, really ¨C he tried to sense the being whose spirit was still lingering in this place.


    ¡°Squiiek¡­ Mmmh¡­ Seems decent. Not bad. Not great either, not compared to me at least, although that comparison is quite unfair, what matter of undead could compare to me? Ah! No more than a handful. Father, that old geezer¡­ maybe a higher vampire, but those haven¡¯t been seen since at least five thousand years if I remember correctly father¡¯s books, all that¡¯s left are degenerated ghouls. Squieerk! I hate those. Always drooling everywhere. Good thing this one seems to be no ghoul material. And quite docile. Former undead too. Easier to deal with. Mmmmmh. But I also sense resentment and slight depression. Well, even someone as great as I can¡¯t be picky all the time. Rebuilding has to start from the first stone! Hihi! That sounded great! Am I great? Of course I am! I¡¯m a genius!¡±


    Standing up, the short self-praising undead mage raised his bony arms and gathered all of his unstable mana between his curled up paws. Energy arcs of pure darkness crept all over his skeletal body, tearing reality and Life itself apart by the sheer abnormality of their ungodly nature, and a swirling mass of greenish black plasma started to form over his head, oozing an aura of cold and death.


    ¡°Here my call, fallen of the horde! Raise once more and meet your Lord! [Undead Recall]!¡±


    The contained hurricane of necrotic energy was casted to the ground, where it sunk like a stone in water.


    A few breaths later ¨C that¡¯s just an expression really, in truth, for several kilometres in all directions, nothing was actually breathing, and plants don¡¯t count, anyway ¨C oily smoke began to seep from the earth, condensing fast into a shape as dark as a moonless night, a muscular body with four powerful hoofed legs, black smoky mane and tail, and a fanged head punctuated by two fuming orbs of ghastly green that fixed their never-blinking glare onto the immobile and expectant lich that had summoned it back to the realm of the living.


    ¡°Hyyyyyyyyyunnnnmpfff!!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Unsure regarding the potential hostility of the ghostly undead horse, Nutrek unusually waited a few seconds before introducing himself. Seeing nothing dangerous was happening, he stepped forwards and placed a paw on his sternum, the other extended towards the one he had just recalled.


    ¡°Greetings, oh equine spectre!¡± Somehow, his speech had gotten a bit less pompous. ¡°I, who stand before you, am the one who called you back from the netherworld, the abyss where your soul erred, unable to fully detach itself from this material plan. Through my mighty power, I also granted you new strength! From [Erring Fallen Steed], you now have evolved to a higher [Macabre Phantom Stallion]! A mount worthy of my glorious self!¡± ¡­a bit less pompous¡­ ¡°And as your new master, I shall nevertheless introduce myself first as a sign of a respect that I hope will grow to be mutual during our future cooperation as-¡±


    ¡°Hou-yyyyhnnnm!¡±


    ¡°I-I-I speak too much?! How dare you?! You lowly being! I am your master! Your lord! Your liege! And you shall address me as such! Not ¡®you¡¯ not ¡®shorty¡¯, and certainly not ¡®little bony¡¯!!! And know my name is Nutrek Acornazieth the Fourth, but you may call me ¡®master¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Hyympfff!¡±


    ¡°¡­ Yes, ¡®Boss¡¯ is fine too¡­ I guess¡­¡±


    ¡°Hyounp Hiii?¡±


    ¡°What flower? Ah!¡±


    Nutrek ragingly grabbed the blooming vegetable that had used him as a ride. The plant immediately shrivelled in his grasp and fell into dust.


    Embarrassed as hell, but thankfully having no blood to blush with, the critter army-less overlord tried to smoothly change the subject.


    ¡°Eeeeeh¡­ and what might be your name, my first retainer?¡±


    ¡°Hihihihi¡­¡±


    ¡°Right right¡­ very funny¡­ hilarious¡­ my sides hurt¡­ Haha¡­ So, your name?¡±


    ¡°Hyyppffnmuuhuh.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    If Nutrek had eyelids, he would have been blinking in confusion and slight consternation right now.


    ¡°A-Asparagus? What the hell is that for a na- *cough* Eeeeeh¡­ But names do not matter!! No, they do not! So, you are the [Macabre Phantom Stallion ¡°Asparagus¡±]! ¡­ Damn this is ridicu- VERY WELL!!  I am myself known as the [Mighty Immortal Squirrel Lich], and I shall now ask you, as pure formality I am sure, do you consent in serving me?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­ I¡¯d like an answer¡­ please?¡±


    ¡°Humpf¡­¡±


    ¡°Great!¡± Nutrek looked extremely relieved¡­ for a skeleton. ¡°Then let¡¯s get moving. I have reasons not to stay here for too long¡­ and we have much to do. Gather comrades. Get stronger. Kill the Light Sword Bastard¡­ eeeh¡­ That¡¯s about it¡­ Damn¡­ I thought I was more ambitious than that! Well¡­ Well¡­ WELL!! WE SHALL CONQUER THE WORLD!!!! HIHIHIHIHI-¡±


    ¡°Hymphuuhuhuhmpf¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­ yeah¡­ that¡¯s what I think too¡­ Aaaah. Well, we¡¯ll cross that bridge when we reach it. Anyway. Let¡¯s head north first, my loyal Asparagus! I don¡¯t really want to, but we¡¯ve got no choice, so it is time for me, for the first time in seven hundred years, to finally go back ho-¡±


    ¡°Hyhyhyhy-Urumpf.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean by ¡®Employment terms and conditions¡¯?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Five hours later.


    ¡°NO! NO! NO! And NO! We¡¯ve been over this! How many religions do you think I¡¯ll believe you practise?! It¡¯s either the two weeks of Ha¡¯Ouch, or the two of Si¡¯hick! I don¡¯t even understand why I¡¯m supposed to give you days off in the first place!!? You¡¯re an undead! You don¡¯t get tired!!¡±


    ¡°Hy-hy-hyrumph Hypy-plop!¡±


    ¡°And when was such law ever written?! I¡¯m older than you, you know! There¡¯s no such thing as the ¡®Universal Declaration of Undead Rights¡¯!! I¡¯m only being conciliatory here because I in such deep shi- *cough* Well. Anyway. Let¡¯s just say you¡¯ve got the two weeks of Ha¡¯Ouch and leave the matter at that. Okay?¡±


    ¡°Humpf¡­¡±


    ¡°Right. Now apply your hoof here.¡±


    Nutrek put away his quill and laid on the ground the long long parchment he was holding, designating a blank spot next to his own signature and paw imprint. After carefully rereading the document, which took another half-hour, Asparagus eventually agreed on the conditions. Then, on the squirrel lich command, the contract magically rolled itself and disappeared inside his dark cape.


    ¡°Finally! Good. Good. Now we shall depart fo-¡±


    ¡°Hyyympupupmf?¡±


    ¡°I TOLD YOU I CAN¡¯T PAY YOU RIGHT NOW!!!¡±


    ¡°Pffffhy-hy-hymn¡±


    ¡±Squiek! What made me ever think this guy was docile again?¡±


    The very tired bony rodent was starting to regret ever raising back from the ether this bureaucratic equine freak.


    Casting his frustration away, Nutrek added it to the fuel of his anger towards the one that had forced him down to such pitiful extremes, ¡°Light Sword¡±, whose name he still had no idea about.


    *sigh* ¡°Yes, yes¡­ You will get an indexed bonus for each week of unpaid labour. Satisfied?¡±


    ¡°Humpf.¡±


    ¡°Good. What does an undead horse need money for anyway?¡±


    Asparagus just shrugged.


    ¡°You have no idea either, do you?¡±


    The undead stallion looked away and pretended to whistle, while his bewildered master skull-pawed.


    ¡°Aaaah¡­ You¡¯ll pay for this Light Sword! Anyway. Let¡¯s get going, we¡¯ve already lost too much time because of your claptraps!¡±


    Jumping on the black horse¡¯s back, he commandingly squealed:


    ¡°Forwards north, Asparagus!¡±


    ¡°Hyyuh?¡±


    ¡°What is there north?¡±


    The ghastly greenish foxfire in Nutrek¡¯s orbits flickered gloomily before he answered.


    ¡°North is¡­ home.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    And that was another episode of the (mis)adventures of little Nutrek, who is finally on the road again! Next time, the pompous squirrel lich and his newfound stingy equine companion shall meet not one, but two important characters! So much suspense¡­ Hahahaha¡­ Haha¡­ Ha¡­ Anyway.


    If you do not know what the skeleton of a squirrel looks like, here it is:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    Now just add a hooded cape and green burning eyes.


    So thanks for reading, and see you next time.


    PS: No narrator was injured during the writing of this chapter¡­. I swear.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.SS – WW: Council Meeting

    Whatever Works:


    Council Meeting


    ¡°On second thought, let''s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.¡±


    ¨C King Arthur, Monty Python and the Holy Grail


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    - Alice¡¯s PoV -


    The Council Chamber was dark¡­ really dark¡­ another brilliant ¨C no pun intended ¨C idea of the Boss.


    ¡°Evil overlords should always meet in dark places,¡± he claimed, and since he rarely issued actual direct commands, everybody had just gotten along with it as usual.


    Like that, as per his orders, the large pentagonal room had been built without a single window and not a single ray of the bright midday sun shining outside could get in. Fixed on the rough stone walls, torches constituted one of the two only light sources inside. The other being¡­ candles.


    Lots¡­


    And lots¡­


    Of candles¡­


    Expensive candles¡­


    That had to be changed often¡­


    Such waste of money¡­


    Well, it wasn¡¯t like they lacked money, but still¡­


    Anyway, aside from the candles, most of the space was occupied by a massive wooden round table, as well as seven artistically, and quite heterogeneously, carved thrones, each with its own design and crest:


    A blazing sword and an icy shield, synonyms of undefeatable strength and unwavering armed protection.


    A balance, symbol of¡­ well¡­ balance¡­ order, law, justice¡­ pick one.


    A hammer and an anvil, mark of the ancient blacksmiths and all of those who worked metal.


    A lemniscate, this sideway figure eight nobody ever remembered the name of, mathematical glyph symbolizing the concept of infinity. Alice had mitigate feelings towards her emblem, mostly because the only thing she felt was ¡°infinite¡± about her position was the amount of paperwork.


    Next was an eye in the middle of a palm ¨C a ¡°hamsa¡±, or ¡°khamsah¡± or something¡­ ¨C supposed to represent the opened hand warding from the evil eye  ¨C Very mystic.. although I think the hand in question is the thing to be feared here, more than any eye.


    A top hat¡­ sort of out-of-place, but probably there to recall the head it was supposed to cover and all the wonders the human brain could come up with.


    And, finally, a crown, symbol of absolute power and overwhelming might, symbol of the ruler, of the King.


    This was a room were each word pronounced could change the fate of an entire world.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    In the barely challenged darkness, five shadows were sitting and one was standing, leaving two thrones empty. Yes, two. Six people, seven throne, two empty¡­ Confusing maybe, but one person was actually sitting on a chair in a corner.


    Standing before the Seat of Infinity, Alice was mechanically concluding her weekly report, while internally grumbling for the umpteenth time over the lack of decent lighting.


    ¡±Evil works in the dark¡±, right. Vey true Boss¡­ but I¡¯m no Demon King! For fuck¡¯s sake! Really¡­ I wish you would sometimes look down and consider the hardships of us simple mortals¡­ *sigh* But I guess the Boss wouldn¡¯t be ¡°the Boss¡± if he wasn¡¯t such a multipolar lunatic, on top of being an unmatched genius. In fact, it would be quite sad if he was like any other man. This unfathomable side of him is also part of his appeal after all. Yet¡­ am I really the only one bothered by this situation?!


    In her function of chief accountant, her role at those meetings was to report the details of the finances of the company, which, of course, included a shitload of numbers and statistics that no normally wired individual would expect anyone to remember by heart. However, for better or worse, the Boss was everything BUT normally wired.


    Thus, there she was, standing next to an uncomfortable overly decorated wooden chair, in a windowless pentagram-ish room full of dying church candles, suffocating in the thick smell of melting wax and rapidly dwindling oxygen, surrounded by walls made of rough stone blocks covered in ancient tapestries¡­ on the FREAKING NINETY-EIGHTH FLOOR OF A FREAKING SKYSCRAPER IN THE FREAKING STATE OF CALIFORNIA!!!


    Damn!


    Nevertheless, Alice Duchesne, thirty-five years old, single, Scorpio, blood-type B and self-proclaimed tough woman, remained professional from the end of her blond tied-up hairs to the tip of her polished nails, and continued to speak in a calm and refreshing tone, her trademark confident smile raising the corners of her mouth, forbidding by sheer will to any drop of sweat the right to mess with her subtle make-up, and not letting her inner annoyance leak to the surface¡­ not too much at least¡­ she hoped. She was quite proud of her self-control, but her naturally hot temper and lack of patience had more than once played tricks on her, often tearing apart the mask of the sound and collected businesswoman she liked to present herself as.


    In her hand, a neat and organised report shone only by its uselessness, since it was virtually impossible to read anything in here without being blessed with night vision, an ability sadly very uncommon on this side of the gaming pods ¨C not that her character in-game possessed it either. And of course, backlighted notepads were banned from the medievally designed ¡°Council Chamber¡±.


    No problem though. It was her job, so she had to do it. Simple as that. Besides, she had an excellent memory and had always been good with numbers¡­ so what was remembering all the numerical data of a company counting a hundred seven thousand one hundred and sixty-three registered employees and thirty-five subcontractors all over the world? Compared to being a single mother of two? Nothing. Alice Duchesne wasn¡¯t so weak that she would kneel to the likes of bad lighting, suffocating warmth and oxygen deprivation!


    Also, she was long used to such mild hardships.


    Four months ago, she had been admitted into Whatever Inc., directly propelled to the higher spheres of the company thanks to her impeccable past records, and forced to jump on the runaway bandwagon in the debacle following the sudden death of the previous chief accountant.


    Back then, the apparent total lack of organization that ruled the place had taken her slightly aback, but, faithful to herself, she had quickly adapted and learnt to discern the underlying pattern of logic in the seemingly uncontrolled chaos. It really wasn¡¯t that hard once you accepted the postulate that everyone here was just doing his own stuff while also contributing to the grand scheme of things. In fact, Whatever worked more like a natural ecosystem than an actual company, and she had made sure to be from the get-go recognized as one of the top predators by every single creature around.


    ¡°Nobody is normal. Do your job, humour your co-workers, and don¡¯t stomp all over anyone else¡¯s delirium with your own madness¡± that was the motto.


    Besides, as surprising as it may seem, every member of the top brass, despite their unorthodox personas, were all over-competent geniuses in their respective fields. Even she, who had always felt sort of like an UFO wherever she worked in the past, somehow felt at ease here, in spite of all the daily annoyance she had to deal with.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°¡­ and reducing the budget of the sixth programming team by a fourth, at least until their can prove their usefulness, which I personally think they won¡¯t be able to, given their recent lack of achievement. Incidentally, I already have drafted a plan for the reallocation of personnel after their failure. Just in case.


    Aside from that, the exceeding funds generated by this cut will be redirected to the ninth programming team for the financing of the project Julius Roots submitted last week concerning the development of new monsters in the Far North of Pandore.


    Since Hatter is late as usual, I will forward him my report later¡­ again, as usual. I already gave your copy to Linda, your Majesty. So, yes. I think¡­ that¡¯s all for this week¡­¡±


    She pretended to look at her unreadable report.


    ¡°Ah! Right. There was also a slight increase in profits due to the advertisement campaign featuring the guild ¡®DragonHeart Flower¡¯.¡± Somehow, on top of her accountant duties, she had ended up in charge of marketing as well. ¡°Given their current position as number one ¡®good¡¯ guild in the game, DHF is quite appealing to the general player. I suggest we use them again, despite the¡­ irregular¡­ reason why we made them that proposition in the first place.¡±


    Almost spitting this last sentence, she directed a disgusted glare towards the hamsa¡­ ahmza¡­ asthma-something throne on her left, while a deep and amused voice rose from the Crown Seat.


    Definitely, Whatever Inc. was a nest of wackos and social cases¡­


    ¡°So¡­ nothing worrisome this week again, Lady Duchesne?¡±


    ¡­but the most interesting of them all was undoubtedly ¡°the Boss¡±, Michael Kurotora, CEO and chief designer of Whatever Incorporated, genius among geniuses, unmatched brain of the century, if not the millennium, mad alien stranded on Earth.


    Nothing seemed out of reach for his crazy mind, and he could master anything as long as he put a minimum of thoughts into it. Even highly acclaimed leading figures of all fields, be it science, mechanics, aeronautics, politics, philosophy, or even agriculture, would ineluctably be dwarfed by his overbearing might. Every so often, Alice would come across one of such ¡°experts¡± being escorted out by Linda Jones, the Boss¡¯ secretary ¨C currently sitting in the corner. They always had the same broken expression of someone who had just been crushed in a domain they thought they ruled over.


    Many people in high places probably thanked whatever divinity they followed every day that this man, Michael Kurotora, had chosen to dedicate his life to the entertainment industry, and not to something like warfare or bio-weapons. Had it be the case, it wouldn¡¯t have been enough no matter how many planets humans had, he would have reduced them all to piles of radioactive mutating rubbles, probably starting a couple zombie apocalypses in the process.


    Actually, since the release of Untold Tales, Michael Kurotora had some time on his hands so, instead of donating part of his fortune to some association like many rich one-percenter liked to do, he would sometimes use it himself in the facility he had had built under W-Tower, also known as ¡°the Dungeon¡±, to do some charitable research as a hobby. Last week, he had cured cancer on a bet.


    Alice wasn¡¯t too sad about the five dollars she lost.


    She was also deeply convinced that the Boss could have easily operated the company all by himself, if it wasn¡¯t for the sheer material impossibility of the task, the way he liked to surround himself with ¡°interesting people¡±, and his natural tendency to care very little for things he deemed unimportant. A habit which was also why all those experts looked so dead inside after talking to him. What could be more mortifying than being defeated by someone who treated your life¡¯s work as a mere unappetizing side-dish?


    Straightening her posture, Alice stopped glaring at the cockroach ¨C insistence on the ¡°cock¡± ¨C on her left, and looked back at the man himself.


    Nonchalantly sitting on his massive throne, seemingly unconcerned by the suffocating atmosphere, the Boss looked regal in his masterfully tailored, military-ish, black suit, closely fitting his athletic built and chiselling his well-designed muscles, completed by silver arm-rings and a silky golden cape draped on his wide shoulders, matching the simply designed golden crown resting atop his short black hair. A faint mysterious knowing smile floated on his lips, childish sparkles were dancing in his slightly slanting dark blue eyes that reflected the flames of the candles, and every angle of his ageless face was accentuated by flickering shadows.


    If the devil was a businessman, I bet he would look exactly like this. Calm, manly, enticing, a bit mischievous, and with eyes looking straight into your soul with glee. I never know if I should smile back or run away.


    As usual, Alice felt both attracted and oppressed by the aura of charism and power that surrounded the CEO¡­ and that he managed to keep up whatever he chose to wear, something that would change depending on which character he decided to impersonate. She still vividly remembered him welcoming her as a yakuza-godfather on her first day and switching to Darth Vader mid-interview.


    ¡±Welcome to the Dark Side, sign here¡±, he said¡­ good think I had come prepared.


    Today he was in Modern King Arthur mode, so the adaptive chief accountant responded accordingly to his previous question:


    ¡°No, your Majesty. Nothing worrisome at all. The coffers are full, the economy is stable, and the kingdom is as prosperous as ever.¡±


    King Michael¡¯s smile broadened like a kid who had just found a fun playmate and Alice¡¯s heart skipped a beat. Thankfully the ambient obscurity hid her slight blush. Nothing was all bad indeed.


    ¡°Excellent as usual, Lady Duchesne. What would We do without you?¡±


    Probably go bankrupt, you evilly charming scatterbrain madman.


    Swallowing her thoughts, she bowed, hand on her heart, and answered in a practised humble tone:


    ¡°Your praises are wasted on me, my Liege. I am only doing my utmost to complete the tasks you entrusted me.¡±


    Seeing right through her as usual, the Boss just kept grinning.


    Without waiting for a reply, Alice then reached inside her white blazer and took out a small post-it¡­ as impossible to read as her report¡­ on top of being fundamentally unnecessary for such a short message. Even more so that said message had been the same every week for the past four months.


    After all, if she could perfectly memorize dozens of pages of condensed transactions and statistics every week, what difficulty could pose a few words? However, it was her sincere belief that actual written notes handed in person were still indispensable to ensure good synergy between services, especially in this age of dehumanized machine-supported interactions.


    Taking a fake glance at the useless piece of paper, she added:


    ¡°Nothing worth mentioning on Hendriksen¡¯s side either. He sends you his regards.¡±


    The last part was a lie though, again something the Boss was pertinently aware of.


    Kurotora chuckled.


    ¡°We are sure he does¡­ Aaaah, Lady Duchesne, although We already mentioned this, it truly is a wonder of this world how you managed to get this hermit to tolerate your company.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ Like I previously told your Majesty, he¡¯s not as difficult as one might expect once you get to know him. Besides, someone has to make sure he¡¯s eating properly and not working himself to death.¡±


    ¡°Haha. You speak the truth as always, Lady Duchesne. And you have Our profound gratitude for keeping him alive.¡±


    Yeah, right. If this continues, I¡¯ll soon become the nanny of this whole bunch of overgrown kids they call employees around here. But I really can¡¯t leave Sundvis to himself¡­


    Sundvis Hendriksen, head of the technical department and, at seventy-two years old, by far the eldest employee of the company, was known for being a rude and antisocial workaholic, and he never came to those weekly ¡°council sessions¡±, except if a problem occurred in his particular area of expertise, something that hadn¡¯t happened at least for the past four months.


    Nothing mattered to him besides his precious ¡°babies¡±, the machines he spent all his waking time building in the depth of his workshop. Alice personally liked the man. She found him pleasantly concise and to the point, and also not devoid of a peculiar sense of humour. However, to call him impatient would be quite the euphemism, and it was difficult for most people to simply approach him, let alone interact with the man. It also didn¡¯t help that Sundvis was deaf and mute, and also liked to self-derisively dress up as a mime.


    Despite being herself more of a mathematics nerd ¨C she was quite aware of it ¨C, Alice was also knowledgeable in both machinery and electronics. The reason was that, before being a model businesswoman, she was first of all a mother. It didn¡¯t matter that her daughters weren¡¯t really her own, she took pride in the upbringing she was giving them and was convinced that being well-informed about their interests was part of the job. And it just so happened the younger one¡¯s passion was exactly Sundvis¡¯ domain ¨C the older was more into music, and, to Alice¡¯ delight, actually part of a quite successful band.


    Thus, the chief accountant was able to hold a decent conversation with the reclusive engineer without too much difficulties ¨C she was also fluent in fourteen different languages, which, of course, included sign language. Besides, Sundvis¡¯ personality reminded her of her late big brother, so she just couldn¡¯t leave him alone.


    Being both direct persons, Alice and the old man had rapidly formed a rough camaraderie, and, as the closest to him in the whole company, she also became his stand-in ¨C or ¡°homing pigeon¡±, like that moron Edward like to call it ¨C in most of his interaction with the Boss.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Reminding herself to go check if Sundvis had actually eaten his dinner, Alice brought her mind back to the current conversation, and replied with her best honest smile:


    ¡°Not at all, your Majesty. It is my belief that trustful cooperation is the key to efficient work.¡±


    Leaning on the table, the King linked his hands under his closely shaved chin, and gave her a penetrating look that sent shivers down her spine.


    ¡°Indeed, lady Duchesne. Indeed¡­ Nevertheless¡­¡± He slowly caressed his lower lip with his thumb, pretending to think deeply about his next sentence. ¡°I seem to recall some¡­ up and downs¡­ in your relationship with Sir Dab-¡±


    *SLAM*


    The door abruptly banged open, and another crazy person entered the room.


    ¡°SORRY! I¡¯m late! Ah! Did I interrupt something? Sorry your Kingness. But I had some last minute business to take care of that took longer than expected. Haha! I¡¯m sure you¡¯re going to be happy about it, Eddy. Consider it your unbirthday present, four days in advance. AH!! No wonder I¡¯m late! My watch is exactly two days slow! Would you believe it?! Let me set it to tomorrow so that- Oh! Alice! You¡¯re here! A cup of tea?¡±


    Brandishing a fuming porcelain teapot with cute kitten motifs and a couple of matching cups, the short noisy character that made irruption in the Council Chamber was shoeless and wearing a colourful redingote seemingly only made out of pockets, a plaid shirt, a huge azure bow tie and an impressive green top hat covered in red dots. He was in his early thirties, but the long messy white hairs covering most of his face made it quite difficult to confirm.


    ¡°Thank you Mr. Hatter. Another time maybe,¡± Alice politely declined.


    Not that she didn¡¯t like neither the man, nor tea ¨C his actually was exceptionally good ¨C, but drinking something warm in the suffocation room was above what she could endure.


    ¡°That¡¯s alright Kevin, no sweat. Calm down and take a seat,¡± Kurotora replied in a casual tone, momentarily dropping his kingly demeanour.


    Kevin Hatter, in charge of programming, was the only one in front of whom the eccentric CEO of Whatever Inc. would sometimes behave like a normal human being, momentarily breaking with whatever impersonation he was currently doing, and going back to what Alice supposed was Kurotora¡¯s true personality. This had probably to do with the fact both of them were old friends, but Alice again thought that it was also a sign of the Boss¡¯ profound respect towards Hatter ¨C she actually felt a bit jealous, but understood the difference in treatment.


    Indeed, in the long streak of Kurotora¡¯s expert victims, Hatter was the one notable exception. One could say that, if the Boss was a super genius in every field, then Hatter was a true god of programming. After all, he was the man that almost single-handedly brought to life the cutting-edge AIs that now ruled over the virtual world of Untold Tales.


    Even now, he still continued to take a very active part in the game supervision. According to him, he had to, because computers were too slow by ¡°lack of butter¡± ¨C whatever that means¡­ He was also the only one in the company, perhaps in the world, able to easily keep up with the Boss, outsmarting him sometimes even, and it was the combination of these two insane minds that, more than a year ago, shocked the entire world with a little game that would later revolutionize virtual reality as a whole.


    And insane he was, very specifically so, with his quite obvious maniacal obsession with Lewis Carroll¡¯s Wonderland. Alice never brought herself to asking if ¡°Hatter¡± was actually his real name or if he had it changed. <1> She however perfectly knew he had had something to do in her recruitment, and that her spotless background hadn¡¯t been main the reason behind his choice, if a reason at all. It was a rather sour spot in fact.


    ¡°Thanks, Micheal Mikey Myking. Tea?¡±


    Crouching on his designated throne like an exotic bird, Hatter took off his huge top hat and laid it down on the table¡­ and his fake white hairs with it, revealing short blond ones underneath.


    ¡°Yes, thank you.¡±


    ¡°With two sugars as usual, right?¡±


    The crazy programmer filled the two cups, then grabbed a handful of white cubes in one of his innumerable pockets, and haphazardly dropped them in the fuming beverage, before pushing one of the cups towards the Boss, who calmly took it and started to drink, not minding the pile of sugar that almost out-massed the tea.


    Resisting the urge to face-palm and choosing to massage the brink of her nose instead, Alice sat back down on her own seat, but the Boss wasn¡¯t done with her.


    ¡°Right, Lady Duchesnes. Like We were saying¡­¡±


    You know, Boss, no matter how regal you talk, you¡¯ll still look silly holding a cup full of wet sugar¡­


    ¡°¡­ despite your cooperation philosophy, which We applaud, We cannot help but recall your difficult relationship with Sir Dabbler.¡±


    To emphasis his point, he designated the man sitting in the Eyed-Palm Throne, who, at the mention of his name, raised his gaze from the Rubik¡¯s Cube he was currently playing with. Following the Boss gesture, Alice turned to her left, her eyes growing rapidly cold and her self-control crumbling.


    ¡°With all due respect, your Majesty, I think Edward,¡± she snorted the name like talking about some excrements under her shoe, ¡°is a moronic man-child with brain damage who wouldn¡¯t be able to even think properly with anything other than his lower half if Cornelia wasn¡¯t there to blackmail him otherwise and remind this trash that his dick isn¡¯t the Eighth Wonder of the World¡±, she concluded her rant in a dangerously poised voice, flashing a beautiful smile that would have made a serial killer run away in fear.


    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    Kurotora unwittingly let out a very unlordly chuckle at her merciless retort, while another voice raised in protest:


    ¡°Hey! Alice, leave Cornelia out of this!¡±


    Alice felt a vein pop somewhere in the region of her forehead.


    ¡°Shut your mouth, locust, before I sew it! First of all, don¡¯t call my name so casually, the sound of your voice makes me sick¡­¡±


    Even with his current whiny tone, Edward Dabbler, head of Public Relationships ¨C and other stuff he liked to pretend were important ¨C, still managed to sound ¡°manly¡± and ¡°seductive¡­ or, at least, it was what the herd of his sexually frustrated bird-brained fangirls called him ¨C some gay men too, but he hated those, more of a trauma in fact, which dated back to the day Alice had ¡°invited¡± him in what he didn¡¯t know was a gay bar, and then stood him up.


    It might have been a bit cruel¡­ Nah. At least he got the message. ¡°Leave me the fuck alone if you care about your ass!¡± Sucks to be a famous pretty face, right?


    They weren¡¯t on very good terms¡­


    Back during her first week, she had tried to remain patient and tolerant under the unsubtle wooing of the annoying pathological womanizer, however, after dangerously nearing her breaking point and pulling her little prank to let off steam, she had adopted what she considered an half-way attitude, meaning she openly despised the dickhead but refrained herself from punching him in the face and crushing his package under her heel every time they crossed path.


    Has it been mentioned she wasn¡¯t a very gentle woman?


    Right now, Edward was giving her the I-am-so-outraged look, exaggeratingly blinking his green prankster¡¯s eyes, with a supposedly charming vexed pout plastered on his perfect playboy face.


    Thinking of all the future victims of that face, Alice almost forgot her no-violence resolution and seriously contemplated ripping off those perfect crow-black hairs ruffled with studied rich-bad-boyish-ism, stripping him from his expensive suit he was wearing loosened despite it being an obvious perfect fit, and hanging him butt-naked outside the tower by the tie he never wore, with his god DAMNED RUBIK¡¯S CUBE SHOVED UP HIS ASS!! Like always trifling with puzzles was going to make him look any smarter!?


    Okay, let¡¯s be honest. She hated his guts.


    Jumping on any woman in sight like a beast in heat, Edward always flashed his looks and money to drag his defenceless preys into his bed, before throwing them away for the next pair of breasts he caught glimpse off. Perfect looks. Perfect background. Perfect douchebag.


    ¡°Second, why would I leave Cornelia out of this? It is precisely her who asked me to keep your sorry ass in line and make sure your glorified toothpick stayed in your pants when you¡¯re supposed to work. And, as much as I would like nothing better than never ever acknowledging your depraved existence, I just can¡¯t turn down a friend¡­ Really, I know no bigger mystery in this world than how such an immoral dog can be the father of such an upright and thoughtful girl¡­ Well, I guess you did excel in showing her what not to do. You¡¯re lucky the Boss considers you useful. Because I sure don¡¯t, and who do you think puts the zeros on your pay-cheque every month?¡±


    Although she said that, and it hurt her mind only thinking it, Alice had to admit that the moron did have his uses. He had a gift with people, which he sadly mostly used for skirt-chasing. Even back when he owned nothing more than his little gaming magazine, his address book already made the bosses of America¡¯s most prominent newspapers foam in jealousy. A single word from him and companies could crumble, and it was only because he was such a slouch that his business never took off.


    The thoughtless words he had thrown at Kurotora during this one fateful interview, and the half-Japanese sudden interest, had brutally changed his life.


    Now, with his daughter keeping him on a tight lead, and the Boss gently pulling her strings in the background, Edward Dabbler had turned into the ideal spokesman, with all the charisma, efficiency and connections necessary to maintain the good image of Whatever in the public¡¯s eye.


    That was only when it came to work though. In private, he was still a lazy bum with no control over his libido.


    ¡°And do I need to remember the mess you caused when you almost raped the vice-master of DHF we had invited for a little chat?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re exaggerating! And it¡¯s her who was giving me the loo-¡±


    ¡°SHE WAS A MINOR!!¡±


    ¡°How was I supposed to know? With a body like that¡­¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s PRECISELY why we give IDs to visitors! Oh! Right¡­ Given where she had pinned it, no wonder you weren¡¯t able to read it properly. Sorry, I forgot you had two ¡®brains¡¯, but not enough blood to fill them both at the same time. Maybe if I plucked your eyes out, you would finally be able to see? And perhaps reach a higher plane of existence? Hopefully very far from this one?¡±


    ¡°Tsk. That terrible temper of yours is exactly why you can¡¯t find a man willing to bang you who isn¡¯t a pathetic masochist, Cypher Queen!¡± Dropping the angry-puppy-eyes, Edward returned her scornful glare.


    And who was running after me for two weeks four months ago?


    Smiling in triumph, Alice simply shrugged at the nickname.


    ¡°I¡¯m only honest when talking about garbage.¡±


    ¡°YOU BI-¡±


    *HEM*


    Both the belligerents¡¯ heads turned to the right, towards the source of the lound cough, which was quickly followed by a carefully articulated voice raising from the Balance Throne.


    ¡°Dabbler. Please do not swear so unbecomingly. And you, Duchesne. I sympathize with you, a woman, who has to deal daily with this undesirable parasite to all of womankind, but please control yourself while the council is in session. Yes.¡±


    The one who had just nipped in the bud the impending verbal punch-up between the accountant and the spokesman was the supervisor of legal matters, Marc Stern, who was currently casting upon them a disapproving look over the small round glasses pinched on his beak-like nose.


    The retired lawyer was the faithful embodiment of his name: vigilant, strict, always uncompromising, as well as suffering from a severe compulsive disposition towards neatness and organization. Alice never truly understood how the overly forthright sexagenarian endured working in a place almost entirely populated with chaotic nutjobs. Although it was true his presence in the tower was rarely needed, as his reputation alone sufficed to dissuade most people who would wish to sue Whatever.


    Indeed, during his long career, Stern had never lost a case, and half of his colleagues that had one day faced him in court ended up quitting right after, crushed by the inhuman minutia and flawlessness of his speeches.


    So he would mostly only appear each week for these meetings, punctual like clockwork, and didn¡¯t even say that much.


    The man himself looked more akin to a businessy undertaker than a lawyer ¨C whatever a lawyer was supposed to look like. Similarly to a skinny anthropomorphic vulture, his bold head was perched at the end of an uncommonly long neck, which was in turn coming out of a meticulously cleaned dark grey suit and encircled by a scientifically tied tie.


    Incidentally, he had in the past published a five-hundred-paged book on ¡°tie tying¡±. Alice had given it a look¡­ and had fallen asleep twice before the end of the first chapter.


    In all honesty though, even if she found the man a tad irritating, Alice thought he wasn¡¯t such a pain¡­ as long as you learnt to avoid him subtly enough¡­ and made sure to always be impeccably dressed and polite in his presence, two things he highly valued and were the reason why he held Edward in such contempt, idolized the Boss, and thought of Alice as a kindred soul because of her outwardly professionalism. Curiously, it seemed like Hatter sort of made him confused and uncomfortable, so he just tried not to look at the head programmer.


    Faithfull to her belief in maintaining good relationships with her co-workers ¨C Edward didn¡¯t count, as she didn¡¯t consider him a human being ¨C Alice bowed slightly towards Stern and rectified her appearance, seemingly without thinking about it, earning herself an appreciative look.


    ¡°My apologies Mr. Stern. I forgot myself.¡±


    Some might call her a two-faced bitch ¨C and the horny spokesman never hesitated to do so ¨C but she didn¡¯t act this way to receive praise herself, but sincerely believed it was all for the smooth functioning of the company. Which was true, seeing most of the employees held the ¡°Cypher Queen¡± in high regard and would work more diligently simply to get her approval.


    Well, she couldn¡¯t deny she also enjoyed the attention, but who didn¡¯t like being respected and looked up to?


    In turn, Edward muttered a vague apology and decided to change the subject.


    ¡°Right, Kevin. You said you had something I would like?¡±


    Everyone in the room turned their gazes towards the mad Hatter sitting weirdly on his throne. Even the Boss lifted an inquisitive eyebrow while taking another sip of his tea-ish sugar.


    Looking lost in thoughts, the target of the general attention didn¡¯t at all notice the sudden silence. After a few seconds of awkwardness, Kurotora extended his free hand, and snapped his fingers in front of his distracted friend, bringing him back from wherever his mind had wandered to.


    ¡°Ha! Yes? More tea?¡±


    ¡°No, Hatter. Sir Dabbler here wanted to know about what you were talking about earlier. We are also quite curious. Is it about ¡®that¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Ah! ¡®That¡¯!? Yes. Yes it is!¡±


    ¡°Oh, so it really is ¡®that¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Yes, your Majesty, ¡®that¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ ¡®That¡¯¡­ Now We understand¡­¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. Your Kingship is quite mischievous, to be enjoying ¡®that¡¯¡­¡±


    ¡°We shall not deny We were quite awaiting ¡®that¡¯, since you always spoke about ¡®that¡¯ with such enthusiasm.¡±


    ¡°Haha. Well, I had ¡®that¡¯ in mind for quite some time actually.¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­ ¡®that¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Indeed, ¡®tha-¡±


    ¡°WHAT THE HELL IS ¡®THAT¡¯!!!¡±


    For once, Alice and Edward were united in their annoyance and yelled simultaneously at the two insane geniuses engrossed in their comedy routine. Noticing their own coordinated intervention, both glared hatefully at each other but tacitly decided that ¡®that¡¯ was more important than going at each other¡¯s throat right now.


    ¡°Haha. Such impatience, Lady Duchesne, Sir Dabbler. Right, Hatter. Tell them about ¡®that¡¯. Try to be concise for once.¡±


    ¡°Well, I was born on the fifteenth of April in the ye-¡±


    ¡°A bit more concise, please.¡±


    ¡°Right. Well, in the end, everyone dies.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Kevin.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Try to focus for five seconds.¡±


    ¡°Alright, alright. But first, a cup of tea.¡±


    Alice and Edward gritted their teeth while the demented programmer carefully filled his cup with¡­ well¡­ mostly sugar again. Even the usually composed and self-assertive Stern was nervously tapping the table with his fingers. In the corner, Linda looked quite intrigued too, and the Boss once more chuckled. Only the last occupant of the room, who was yet to say anything, looked like she didn¡¯t care.


    Finally putting down his teapot, Hatter looked up again, took a sip, marked a long pose, enjoying the taste, and then said:


    ¡°¡­Yes?¡±


    ¡°HATTER!!!!¡± four voices shouted in unison.


    Everyone briefly glanced surprised at Stern, who had also yelled and was standing up before his throne. The old lawyer fidgeted, embarrassed, then sat back down, and the gazes focused back on the mind-blowingly irritating tea-addict.


    ¡°Ah! Right. Eddy, remember when we talked about you not wanting to play the game until a certain race was available?¡±


    ¡°What?! You mean¡­ it was unlocked?¡±


    ¡°Not yet, but the process has been launched.¡±


    Edward looked delighted, which Alice only thought could mean nothing good.


    ¡°What race are you talking about?¡± she asked apprehensively.


    ¡°Hehe~ Alice. Alice. Alice¡­ I can¡¯t spoil everything, now can I?¡±


    ¡°What do I care?! I¡¯m by principle opposed to anything that could make that pervert happy!¡±


    ¡°Shut up woman! That¡¯s none of your business!¡±


    ¡°You-¡±


    ¡°Sorry to say, Lady Duchesne, but it is true this matter is between Hatter and Sir Dabbler. Please refrain from untimely interventions.¡±


    ¡°¡­ If you say so, your Majesty.¡±


    Edward flashed a mean-kid grin.


    ¡°Right, Alice. Cease your untimely cackling.¡±


    ¡°And you, Sir Dabbler, it would be most appropriate if you would stop behaving like a seven-year-old teasing the girl he likes.¡±


    ¡°Me?! With this bi-¡±


    ¡°DABBLER!¡± Stern, always on the lookout.


    ¡°Tsk. Alright, you psychorigid grandpa¡­ So, Kevin. When can I have my race?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not your race, Eddy.  If anyone¡¯s, it will belong to the one who succeed in unlocking it.¡±


    ¡°Right. Right. I get it, but when?¡±


    Hatter ceremoniously took a look at his watch, and frowned, visibly confused, then pulled another out of one of his pockets, then a third, then a fourth. After a few minutes ¨C and half a dozen more watches ¨C he seemed to finally reach a conclusion. Satisfyingly nodding, Hatter raised his head towards Edward, and confidently answered:


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Come again?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Seriously?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°You really don¡¯t know?¡±


    ¡°How could I know what I don¡¯t know I don¡¯t know?¡±


    ¡°STOP TOYING WITH ME, YOU MAD TEA-FREAK!!¡±


    ¡°Mad I am, but I¡¯ll let you on a secret¡­ All the best people are! And I truly don¡¯t know how long it will take. It depends on the players. But I sincerely hope my favourite will succeed the quest on the first try.¡±


    ¡°The one you¡¯ve been talking about for months? Or the other one?¡± Kurotora cryptically cut in.


    ¡°The first.¡±


    ¡°And you threw him into that curse?¡±


    Hatter made a vague dismissive gesture.


    ¡°She will be just fine. And I have a few contingencies in place.¡±


    ¡°Please remember you can¡¯t toy too much with the players, Hatter.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry Mikey. I made sure to follow the rules, and this one¡¯s quite willing to be toyed with if I may say¡­ I¡¯m sure you¡¯d like him. Why not drop by for a little tea party?¡±


    ¡°Maybe latter. We do not believe he would be that easy to reach right now.¡±


    ¡°What curse?¡± Alice was still trying to get some insight.


    She hated being kept out of the loop.


    ¡°Who cares?¡± Dabbler countered. ¡°Hatter! Has this guy what it takes to unlock my race?!¡±


    ¡°Well, I don¡¯t think so.¡±


    ¡°Uh?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a curse that take two people to break. And simply breaking it wouldn¡¯t unlock the secret race. Besides, the loophole to truly beat the curse is a bit tricky to find. And he¡¯s in no position of doing much¡­ Bah. I¡¯ll send her a little help!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯d do that?  Wait¡­ is ¡®he¡¯ or ¡®she¡¯ in the end?¡±


    ¡°Does it matter? And I¡¯ll act if I feel like it.¡±


    ¡°YOU DAM-¡±


    ¡°Father. I¡¯m tired. If the meeting is finished, I will go sleep.¡±


    Out of the blue, a monotone husky voice interrupted the discussion, and everyone once more turned around, this time focusing their gazes on the sixteen years old girl getting up from the Sword and Shield Throne.


    Wearing a baggy tracksuit, the girl had a slim built, a beautiful but deadpan face, half-closed eyes, and striking messy blue hair oddly reflecting the flames of the surrounding candles. With dark bags under her eyes, and her unsteady demeanour, she looked about to collapse if someone were to blow too hard on her.


    However, messing with her thinking she was your average weak disillusioned and uncaring teenager would be a fatal mistake, because she was in fact a master in at least a dozen martial arts, and would have given a good run to black belts in most others, while also being proficient with innumerable kinds of weapons, from katana to machine-gun via rolling pin.


    And she was merciless.


    Alice once saw her singlehandedly subjugating eight armed grown men that had invaded the W-Tower for¡­ reasons. They hadn¡¯t really had the time to state their business. When the police called by the automate alarm system finally arrived, they had found Michael Kurotora himself practicing CPR on one of the men who had stopped breathing, while the other seven laid unconscious with several broken bones and a few more holes in their bodies than an hour earlier.


    On her chest was pinned a round tag with the number two, a way to differentiate her from her three identical sisters.


    The other employees had affectionately nicknamed them the ¡°Clones Quartet¡± and, despite their age, those four were actually the ones in charge of the security in the tower, as well as the only beta-testers of Untold Tales.


    Since many places in game were still in development, and checking for bugs in a virtual reality from behind a computer screen wasn¡¯t always the easiest way, their role was to venture into those undisclosed parts ¨C the ¡°discovery bonus¡± had of course been turned off for them ¨C and report any anomalies they found. Which also meant they had to be the strongest of the game in order to keep a good advance over the other players.


    To pull that off, on top of getting a little head start a week before the official release, they used a simple technique that allowed them to play twenty-four hours a day with ease: they only had one character for the four of them and took shifts! At any time of day and night, one was playing, one was overseeing the security network, one was sleeping and the last one was taking care of her daily needs and training. A well-oiled routine.


    However, the most surprising thing about the quadruplets was that they were¡­ in fact¡­ Hatter¡¯s adoptive daughters.


    ¡°Yes, Zwei. You can go. Sorry for messing up your timetable.¡±


    ¡°No problem.¡±


    With that short cold answer, she started walking towards the door, in passing only slightly bowing to the Boss.


    ¡°Good night uncle.¡±


    ¡°Good night. Although it is still the middle of the day.¡±


    Not bothering to reply, she turned away and left. Seeing this, Alice jumped on the occasion to leave the suffocation meeting room and the cryptic madmen that refused to answer her questions, and jumped out of her throne.


    ¡°Wait! We¡¯ll make a detour by my office. I have the CD you wanted!¡±


    Still showing no visible expression, the girl stopped by the door, looked back, and faintly nodded.


    ¡°Umu.¡±


    Quickly gathering her stuff, Alice said her goodbyes to everyone ¨C except Edward of course ¨C and rushed after her.


    Behind her, an annoying voice called out:


    ¡°Zwei, don¡¯t hang out too much with this old hag! You will catch her bad mouth disease!¡±


    Barely moving her eyes in the direction of the spokesman, the young co-head of security let out a low but perfectly audible:


    ¡°Die. Lolicon.¡±


    And, leaving the speechless douchebag behind, the two girls exited the room.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Once outside, back in the modern hallway painted in white, Alice took a large breath of fresh air-conditioned oxygen, and ruffled the young girl¡¯s hair.


    ¡°That¡¯s no good, Drei. Why are you playing pranks on Hatter again?¡±


    The members of the Clones Quartet might look so identical that even their own adoptive father couldn¡¯t tell them apart, but not enough that simply switching their number tags would dupe the near-photographic memory of the attentive Cypher Queen.


    Being caught red-handed in the act of identity theft, the third sister¡¯s cheek unnoticeably reddened, and she slightly looked away, which was the closest thing she had to a pouting expression.


    ¡°Aaaaaw~ You¡¯re so cute!¡±


    Giving in to her motherly instinct, the female chief accountant briefly hugged her young impassive ¡°colleague¡±.


    ¡°Alright. Let¡¯s go. You should already be sleeping.¡±


    Drei nodded.


    ¡°Umu.¡±


    Taking the girl¡¯s hand, Alice walked up to the elevator and pushed the arrow pointing downwards. While they waited, her preoccupied mind went back to what could have made Edward this happy.


    Whatever that asswipe is planning, that can¡¯t be good. But if Hatter is involved, I guess it couldn¡¯t be that immoral either. They talked about a race¡­ What race would please a blockhead sex offender recidivist? Something that can control other beings I guess¡­ With a nice face¡­ And killer charm¡­ What can possibly¡­ Oh shit! Vam-


    *ting*


    The lift was there.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> There¡¯s actually a little catch to the name ¡°Kevin Hatter¡±. I¡¯m not going to spoil it. Thumbs up if you get the reference. Hint: think of the Continent.


    <hr />


    And here a little insight on what¡¯s going on at Whatever Inc. Since Alice is more of a serious persona, her point of view might have been less funny, but I hope it wasn¡¯t boring anyway.


    Some of you might also think I¡¯m posting too much side-stories lately, but I had to put them somewhere or they wouldn¡¯t have fit chronologically. And as the few following chapters are IRL, I thought it was a good idea to slip them in the transition.


    As a reminder, the ¡°side-stories¡± are in fact part of the ¡°main story¡±, but aren¡¯t centred on the MCs. In theory, the actual ¡°chapters¡± could be read and understood without the SS, but the background and characters would probably feel a bit flatter.


    Aside from that, on the opening quote, let me say that if you have never watched that movie, you¡¯re wasting your time here. Go away! NOW!! Go watch it! For Chaos¡¯ sake!!! I¡¯ll never forgive you if you continue reading my amateurish attempt at comedy and lose precious minutes you could use to laugh your ass off. Don¡¯t come back until you¡¯ve finished it. Here¡¯s a sample.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Okay, it¡¯s quite dated. But those kinds of things are the ones that put the old in gold. (I¡¯m more of the kind that puts the laughter into slaughter¡­)


    So, so, so¡­ Thank you for reading and see you next chapter with Nicolas, his sexy neighbour, and his school.


    (PS:  I feel a bit ridiculous typing this author¡¯s footnote before having actually written a single line of the chapter¡­ Why¡¯d do that</a>?)


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.20 – Close Encounter of the Nerd Kind II

    Chapter 20 ¨C Close Encounter of the Nerd Kind II


    The Alien Knows Facebook!


    ¡°Major Walsh, it is an event sociologique.¡±


    ¨C Claude Lacombe, Close Encounter of the Third Kind


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    -Nicolas¡¯ PoV -


    ¡°Shit! Damn! Fuck! Bogus! Is that even a swear word? How should I know?!¡±


    Disorderly spouting out his cursing dictionary, Nicolas hurriedly leapt out of his W-Chair and into the shower, scattering a trail of clothes behind him.


    Naked and wet ¨C the shower, remember: he¡¯s still a man on this side ¨C he then stumbled into his bedroom, opened his wardrobe, and grabbed whatever seemed to match.


    When in doubt, just go all black. You can¡¯t go wrong with black. Except in summer. Well, genius, that¡¯s a freaking fourth of the year! Although it mostly rains around here.


    ¡°? Here come the Men In Bl- HA! No time for this!¡±


    He then dashed to the balcony, pulled a protesting McLeon inside, closed the windoor, then rushed to the kitchen, and emptied a can of pat¨¦ in the beast¡¯s bowl while distractedly shoving a slice of cheese in-between two of bread and the whole into his mouth. After putting on shoes, he picked up his bag, and finally stepped outside, not forgetting to lock the door behind him, his half-assed, half-eaten sandwich hanging between his teeth.


    Now, I just have to bump into my true love! Haha. Right. Like that¡¯s ever going to happe- WOO!!


    *sbam*


    ¡°Aouch!¡±


    ¡°Mmeeemmble*yawn*whaat? Mmmbl¡­¡±


    I SAID ¡°BUMP INTO¡±! NOT ¡°TRIP UPON¡±!! Damn! ¡­ Besides, I¡¯m pretty sure this is again¡­


    Standing up and rubbing his hands he had slightly injured, Nicolas glared alternatively at his ruined breakfast and at the cause of his fall: a man in his late thirties snoring butt-naked on the floor.


    True love indeed¡­ What about my maidenly hopes, you exhibitionist bastard?! And what am I thinking? I¡¯m no maiden. I¡¯m a widow. ¡­ Ah! That¡¯s not it either!! Fudge.


    Raging against himself, and the world in general ¨C something he often did in the morning, especially on Mondays ¨C Nicolas spun on place, and repeatedly pressed his neighbour¡¯s doorbell, harassing the white button like it had killed his ¨C non-existent ¨C girlfriend, or like if each push could give him back some of the time he was currently losing.


    Can a mirror be considered a girlfriend? ¡­ No! I¡¯m NOT going down that path!


    After a couple minutes of pounding the misunderstood electronic device, the sound of a lock being opened finally answered his irritated actions.


    The door swung on its hinges and a pair of huge bouncy boobs came out of the apartment.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Also, attached to the outrageous appendages, a sleepy woman, wearing nothing more than a frilly purple baby-doll over R-rated underwear, was rubbing her eyes and lasciviously stretching.


    Glossy blond hair, a bead-head that only made her look seductively wild, kissable lips, a model¡¯s face, beautiful even without make-up, complemented by an alluring body that would relit the molten church candle of an impotent priest, as well as the morals to actually go down on the aforementioned priest, it was difficult to believe the ironically named Mary Chaste, Nicolas¡¯ neighbour, was in fact a young high-school teacher.


    Well, when she¡¯s not fired for preying on her students¡­


    Some might wonder how the young man could remain so sexually frustrated while living next to such a brazen succubus, but Nicolas knew¡­ This was definitely a case where curiosity would have killed the cat. And that the dead one would most certainly be the tom, not the pussy.


    After nevertheless taking in the view ¨C They¡¯re bigger than mine. ¡­ Stop that. ¨C Nicolas raised his gaze from the two oversized manj¨±, and into her slightly ringed pale blue eyes, deliberately disregarding her satisfied smile.


    ¡°You sure you should be opening the door like that?¡± he said, referring to her clothes¡­ or the lack thereof.


    ¡°Aaaw~ But, Nico¡­ Who except you would ring at my door this early in the morning?¡±


    Even her voice fitted her perfectly, melting the brain of any man around, waking up their inner lying Pinocchio while firmly gaging Jiminy Cricket. If he didn¡¯t know better, Nicolas would have though she indeed was a real succubus.


    However, six months of cohabitation and daily observation of her ¡°eating¡± habits had created enough of a deplorable mental image for him to develop a hardened immunity to her charms.


    Well, if you put aside that immoral side of hers, she was a pretty friendly neighbour¡­


    ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know¡­¡± Nicolas answered sarcastically. ¡°Enraged students¡¯ parents? Debt collectors? Policemen here to arrest you for corruption of minors? A knife-wielding wife here to peacefully discuss the matter of her husband? A porn director in search of an actress? This guy?¡±


    He punctuated the end of his appalling enumeration with an annoyed gesture towards the being slowly waking up at their feet, who was probably wondering where he was and why his back hurt like someone had stepped on it.


    ¡°Oh.¡± She covered her full lips with her hand. ¡°He¡¯s still there?¡±


    ¡°Well, obviously. Where did you expect him to go without clothes? Tsh. Mary, how many times did I tell you not to leave your garbage in the hallway? It¡¯s not like there¡¯s pickup for this kind of cumbersome used commodities.¡±


    ¡°Haha. Such crude humour as always Nico. By the way, aren¡¯t you late for school?¡±


    ¡°I am. In fact, I wouldn¡¯t even be losing my time talking to you if I didn¡¯t worry that Vincent, or someone else, might trip again on your stuff. The old man broke his hip last time. Besides, don¡¯t you have work yourself?


    ¡°No, I took a sick da-¡±


    ¡°Heeee¡­¡± a drowsy wheeze suddenly rose from the ground. ¡°Mary? Why am I-¡±


    ¡°Shut up Brandon,¡± she interrupted him.


    ¡°It¡¯s Jayden¡­¡±


    Completely snubbing the dejected man, Mary closed up the distance with Nicolas and pressed her barely dressed voluptuousness against his chest, clinging to his shirt and looking at him with upturned eyes, the pleasant faint smell of sweat from her unwashed hair tickling his nose.


    ¡°You really are a good kid, aren¡¯t you Nico? Worrying about Old Vincent like that... Or is it only about your lightened rent? Hahaha~ But that selfish side of yours isn¡¯t bad either. Hmm~ I really want to eat you up¡­¡±


    Wilfully ignoring the physiological response of his lower body, Nicolas flashed his best cynical smile and uncaring eyes, and acidly replied:


    ¡°Sorry, but I really don¡¯t want to end up like all those poor souls you disturb my sleep with. And who are you calling a kid, you¡¯re barely ten years older than me.¡±


    Stepping back, Mary crossed her arms while erotically pouting¡­ if that was even possible.


    ¡°Mmmh. You¡¯re no fun. And it¡¯s seven years older, Nico Single.¡±


    ¡°Ha-ha. I may be a desperate bachelor, but I still have some self-esteem I¡¯d like to keep.¡±


    ¡°Hahaha! This self-depreciative honesty is what I like most about you. It makes me want to tie you up in my basement.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have a basement.¡±


    ¡°My closet then.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯d still be illegal. Satisfy yourself with having me shut-in next door.¡±


    ¡°When do I get a double of your keys?¡±


    ¡°Never.¡±


    ¡°Mooo¡­ You¡¯re so mean to Big Sister.¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re a brocon too. It only gets better, doesn¡¯t it? Anyway, if you sadistic man-eating demon would please provide her latest clueless victim with something to cover his¡­¡± he turned around, and paused. ¡°That¡¯s rather small for your standards, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    *sigh* ¡°Not as much as his endurance.¡±


    ¡°I see¡­ You have it hard.¡±


    ¡°Unlike him.¡±


    ¡°That bad? Where did you pick up that thing?¡±


    ¡°No idea. I was drunk last night.¡±


    ¡°Hey! I¡¯m here you kn-¡±


    ¡°Shut up Brandon.¡±


    ¡°Jayden¡­¡±


    ¡°Anyway, Mary. Give this small performance issue back its clothes. I have to go. I¡¯m already too late for the first lesson, I¡¯d like to try not missing the second.¡±


    Having already started stepping away, he threw those words over his shoulder.


    ¡°Are you sure you should talk about someone else¡¯s performance issues? Hmm? Mr I-lost-my-girlfriend-to-a-girl?¡±


    Feeling something snap, Nicolas turned around and walked back up to the woman, a finger adamantly raised.


    ¡°Just wait, you wench! I¡¯ll show you my perf¡­¡± He interrupted himself seeing the foxy smile that was creeping its way on her tempting lips. ¡°¡­ha-Ha-HA!¡±


    ¡°You shouldn¡¯t wear your emotions so openly on your face. You¡¯re so easy to tease¡­ and cute too.¡±


    Trying hard not to blush, Nicolas rolled his eyes in unconvincing exasperation. He considered himself to be quite a good actor in fact, but he just couldn¡¯t handle being seen through. Praises also made him smile uncontrollably, as did feeling superior to someone else. Always playing the funny over-expressive guy had long since started to backfire a little, but he had no idea on how to stop his reflexive reactions, except maybe taking up acting lessons, something he thought would be a pain.


    Although¡­ now, I wonder if I should reconsider¡­ I¡¯m stuck in that tower. If I don¡¯t find a way to get out of there fast, I might find myself with quite some time on my ha- Right! TIME!! I¡¯m late! Dammit!


    ¡°Right, I¡¯m a cute little rosebud princess with hyper-sensitivity! I¡¯ve said it, happy? Now, go fetch those clothes!¡±


    ¡°Alright. Alright¡­ I¡¯m sure this guy¡¯s things are somewhere in the kitchen.¡±


    She spun on place, causing a fleeting movement in her nightdress and briefly revealing ¨C okay, revealing even more ¨C her sinful buttock. Nicolas quickly looked away to avoid some misplaced self-pity.


    I¡¯m not even going to ask why the kitchen¡­ Anyway, my fifteen minutes of community service are over, I¡¯m off.


    Turning away from the opened door, Nicolas was startled when Bran¡­ Jayden, still naked as a worm ¨C a little worm ¨C, suddenly appeared before him, immobile, and staring at where Mary was an instant ago.


    ¡°I think I¡¯m in love¡­¡± he murmured in a daze.


    Feeling merciful, Nicolas sharply replied:


    ¡°You¡¯re sick dude, in the head, and naked. Get fixed. Get dressed. And get the fuck out of here.¡±


    Finally walking away for good, he added without looking back:


    ¡°In whichever order you prefer¡­¡±


    He then glanced at the screen of his W-MP.


    ¡°Tsh.¡±


    ? I¡¯m late ? I¡¯m late ? For a very important date ? No time to say ¡°Hello. Goodbye.¡± ? I¡¯m late. I¡¯m late¡­


    ¡°I¡¯m late¡­ ? Fuck!¡±


    And he started running.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The Polytechnic Institute Saint Rose ¨C Damn you roses¡­ ¨C was thankfully no more than fifteen minutes away by foot.


    Set up in a renovated hospital, the school was a patchwork of mismatched old and modern parts, distorted mix of stone and Lego, Frankenstein¡¯s monster of a building, poor victim of the tentative resurgence of post-postmodernism orchestrated by a drunken one-eyed architect probably suffering from acute strabismus.


    Well, in a word like in a hundred: ugly.


    Being a well-reputed establishment despite its designer¡¯s deplorable lack of taste and common sense, the PISR <1> ¨C fortunately not named ¡°Saint Saffron¡± or ¡°Saint Sage¡±... ¨C housed several curriculums declining various practical aspects of programming, electronics, mechanics and the likes.


    After three years of obstinately, and very unsuccessfully, banging his head against encyclopaedic textbooks at the near engineering academy, Nicolas had finally acknowledged his inability to grasp the unfathomable masse of abstruse mathematical formulas, whose purpose was probably lost even to the very people attempting to teach them¡­ and he had transferred, which had proven to be a good move.


    Although experience ¨C involving a lot of parental ranting ¨C had taught Nicolas to never presume of his ¨C IRL ¨C abilities, he was quite confident in his chances of success this time.


    The first round of exams had come and go, and he had aced most of his tests with very little preparation, while in parallel exploring the Erwynian Undead Utopia. Not that the general level of the studies was that low, but apparently those three years in the wondrous land of Theoreticia hadn¡¯t been a total loss.


    On the other hand, Nicolas being the irresponsible human being he is, this newfound confidence had resulted in a rather sporadic attendance record, which would no doubt come bite him in the face at some point, but he couldn¡¯t care less right now.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Pushing open a huge glass door haphazardly glued inside an ancient wooden frame, Nicolas entered the blue-painted main hall, greeted the janitor, who he had gotten acquainted with one day he was as usual aimlessly wandering around ¨C he still had no idea of the man¡¯s name though ¨C, and dashed to his classroom, bypassing an ill-placed staircase.


    Once he reached the windowed door, the typical loud buzzing noise of mixed conversations coming from inside confirmed what he expected: The first lesson was already over. Fortunatly, the next teacher was yet to show up and the students were still taking a break.


    Removing his earbuds ¨C those were almost grafted to his head by this point ¨C, Nicolas crossed the room to his habitual spot by the window and distractedly greeted the few people he was close enough with, half of whom he didn¡¯t remember the names either. He really wasn¡¯t good with things like names or birthdays. Most of the time, he didn¡¯t even bothered remembering his own age. Useless info.


    Back when he was still with Jenny, he carried around a notebook with all those supposedly important dates written inside.


    Mad when I forgot, mad when I wrote it down in front of her¡­ Taking another person into consideration is always so tiring¡­ That¡¯s why I play solo¡­ Why do I even think about that?


    Nicolas let out a sigh and sat at ¡°his¡± place. On his right were an empty chair, a bag and a coat he recognised for being his best friend¡¯s. The person himself was nowhere in sight though.


    Profoundly thinking about it for a whole second, Nicolas came to a deep conclusion:


    ¡°He probably went to the toilet.¡±


    Daniel, full name Daniel Daoud, was actually only a year younger than him, but he had been held back a couple years due to various reasons. Meeting up with him again in school had been an agreeable surprise, since he had had no idea his closest childhood friend would be attending Saint-Rose too, plus in the same section.


    Has it been mentioned Nicolas wasn¡¯t very mindful of his surroundings?


    Speaking of surroundings, the tired young man was currently holding his head between his hands, entertaining the unrealistic hope of shielding his sleep-deprived cerebrum from the cacophony of chatters.


    He hadn¡¯t really noticed in his earlier hurry and emotionally disturbing encounter with Mary, but the amount of mental and physical fatigue he had accumulated over this last weekend of intensive gaming was far from negligible. The headachy backlash was now hitting him full-force, which did nothing good to his already moody personality.


    Today being Monday wasn¡¯t helping either.


    Wishing for the next teacher to come in fast and put the students to sleep with that soporific ability proper to teachers and politicians, Nicolas gave up on the ostrich strategy and instead tried to merge the ambient noise into his own thought pattern to cancel its negative effects.


    ¡°¡­and Baldwin fought the dragon all alone!!¡±


    Yeah, right¡­ And I am the princess of- Oh wait¡­


    ¡°¡­then Gertud died in the [Marshy Plains] and¡­¡±


    Mmmmh¡­ annoying place that is. I lost five boots to those quick sand¡­ quick mud? Peat?


    ¡°¡­ can¡¯t figure out how to defeat the [Golems] in the [Grava Lair]¡­¡±


    Noobs¡­ Not that I can talk. Down a hundred levels. Spells erased. Skills reset¡­. A girl¡­ Talk about screwing up¡­ I¡¯m not complaining, I had it coming¡­ But what about that bullshit L¡¯Eddy D. was spouting on TV about ¡°Sex change has been deemed psychologically hazardous so we choose to deactivate the feature to ensure the players¡¯ safety, mental health, yadi yada¡­¡± And what about MY mental health?! Did the game just decide I could take it? How is that even possible? I¡¯m not unhappy about it or anything, but I think I might strangle whoever or whatever might be behind this, just by principle¡­


    Not everyone was talking only about Untold Tales though.


    ¡°¡­bought Faust¡¯s new album¡­¡±


    Good guy. I may remember your name one day.


    ¡°¡­too, and PsyRen¡¯s latest single.¡±


    Hoy-hoy¡­ Did I really miss that? I¡¯ll have to stop by Henry¡¯s Tommy¡¯s on my way back.


    ¡°Hey! Nico!¡±


    That¡¯s my name I think¡­yes.


    ¡°¡­You talked to Prince? From DragonHeart Flower?¡±


    ¡°Yes! And Lily-sama too!¡±


    ¡°Whiiiii!!!¡±


    Tsh. Squealers¡­ I wonder why people like to add those Japanese honorifics¡­ Well, I do it too¡­ But what is that permed idiot Prince Petunia doing these days?


    ¡°¡­yes, and they said they would start an expedition in the Wild!¡±


    Interesting¡­ Daffodil might be an idiot, but I¡¯ll admit he¡¯s no pushover¡­ and as long as the other elf woman is there¡­ Well, I guess they can pull it off¡­ Where in the Wild?


    ¡°They will be the first to enter the [Tiamat Mountain Range]!!¡±


    ¡­ Sorry dude¡­ You fail¡­


    ¡°Nico!¡±


    I heard you the first time.


    ¡°¡­ I heard Morgan¡¯s party were searching for a map of the [Zenith Cave].¡±


    ¡°The Teleportation Dungeon?!¡±


    ¡°Yes. They should be ready in¡­¡±


    Ah¡­ that place¡­ nice for a picnic¡­ plus all those random Runic teleports are excellent to discover new-


    ¡°NICO!!¡±


    *tchack*


    ¡°Ow! Daniel, I heard you, you know? No need to karate-chop me¡­ You break wood with that thing, dammit! My head hurts enough already¡­¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s your fault for not giving any sign of life for the past month.¡±


    Rubbing his mistreated scalp, the thoughtless young man raised a reproachful glare towards his standing friend.


    As tall has Nicolas, close to one-eighty, Daniel had a milk chocolate skin, short curly black hair and brown eyes so dark it almost looked like he only had one huge pupil in each and no iris. Appropriately muscular for a martial artist, he had a face girls would probably consider ¡°average handsome¡±, good-looking but no idol material either, maybe a bit rough.


    But what do I know of girls¡¯ preferences anyway?


    Sugar, spices, and everything nice¡­ Accidentally had to that a humble and open personality and you had the perfect recipe for a popular guy!


    People often thought they were a weird pair, but most agreed that the friendly sportsman and the funny know-it-all at the very least made an interesting duo.


    ¡°What kind of Moroccan names his son ¡®Daniel¡¯ anyway?¡±


    ¡°Where did that come from?¡±


    Nicolas just shrugged and turned back towards the blackboard. Sighing, Daniel sat down beside him and open the bottle of water he had just bought.


    After drinking a long mouthful without catching his breath, he asked:


    ¡°So? What is it this time?¡±


    He was obviously referring to the way Nicolas had been avoiding him the past month. More ¡°ignored¡± than ¡°avoid¡± in fact.


    Arriving at the last minute, finishing his tests as fast as he could and going straight home to explore more of Erwyn, that¡¯s what it was.


    ¡°I lost my phone.¡±


    That was true too.


    ¡°¡­Again?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°What about emails?¡±


    ¡°You know I don¡¯t like those.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not really an excuse.¡±


    ¡°I was busy. The exams, stuff¡­ The usual you know...¡±


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it¡°Right. I¡¯m sure the exams took a lot of your time, Mr University Drop-Out. Especially during the break¡­¡±


    Daniel gave his careless friend a fatalistic look, and sighed again.


    ¡°I know you tend to block out everything else whenever you find a new toy, but could you at least notify us once in a while that you¡¯re still alive and not bleeding out in your kitchen after a fierce battle with your monstrous cat? Yasmin was worried.¡±


    Nicolas shrugged again.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been sending you items through the bag, haven¡¯t I? And I can hold my own against McLeon¡­ probably.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not the same thing. Come on. Even if whispering doesn¡¯t work outside of safe zones and you always wander off to dangerous places, you must at least stumble across a village once in a while, no?¡±


    ¡°I might have... And if she was that worried why not come by? It¡¯s not like you live far. I never took back that key either.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a lost cause, you know that?¡±


    ¡°I do.¡±


    ¡°And the worst is that you¡¯re proud of it¡­¡±


    ¡°Not necessarily.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Does that mean we¡¯ll hear of you more often in-game?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°You-¡±


    ¡°Ah! But it¡¯s not what you think.¡± He raised a hand to cut short any protest. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ stuck in a dungeon right now and I¡¯m not sure how much time I¡¯ll need to get out.¡±


    Actually, he wasn¡¯t sure the [Obsidian Tower] wasn¡¯t considered a safe zone of sorts, but if he tried to whisper Daniel and that the name ¡°Victoria¡± showed up on the chat window, he was afraid he would never hear the end of it.


    ¡°Oh-oh¡­¡± A wide grin revealed Daniel¡¯s white teeth. ¡°Is the great Mr E asking for help? Want my guild to give you a hand?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m not¡­ Who¡¯d want the help of a bunch of battle freak¡­¡±


    ¡°You dated one of those ¡®battle freaks¡¯ may I recall you.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s your sister by the way?¡±


    ¡°Which one?¡± he asked teasingly.


    ¡°Mira of course.¡± Nicolas followed up.


    ¡°Haha. She¡¯s fine. You¡¯re invited to her birthday next week too.¡±


    ¡°How old is she again?¡±


    ¡°Eleven this year.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°You won¡¯t remember it, will you?¡±


    ¡°Probably not.¡± Another shrug.


    *sigh* ¡°I¡¯ll come and pick you up.¡±


    ¡°You do that.¡±


    I¡¯ll need to find Chibi Battle Freak a gift¡­ A punching bag with Daniel¡¯s face on it? Although mine would probably be more motivating for that little demon.


    ¡°Is that all you want to know?¡±


    ¡°Is there anything else?¡± Nicolas replied with a smile.


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ ¡®Probably not¡¯¡­ But, just on a side note, the ¡®battle freak¡¯ is fine too. Be careful next time you see her though. You know how she doesn¡¯t take well being ignored.¡±


    ¡°See her¡­ in-game?¡±


    ¡°Anywhere.¡±


    This last word was spoken in a foreboding tone.


    Nicolas gulped at the thought of an angry Yasmin, and promised himself to pre-emptively book a room at the local hospital.


    Bringing back the conversation to the initial subject, he then nonchalantly added:


    ¡°I don¡¯t need help, but¡­ If I were you¡­ As Guild Master of Horizon, number one guild on the Frontline¡­ I would probably not let that pesky Prince Cauliflower get first to the [Tiamat Mountain Range].¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re stuck over there?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Haha. Okay, okay. I won¡¯t pry. East right? I¡¯ll see with the guys. But it might take a while. Anything we should be prepared for?¡±


    ¡°¡­undead. Lots of it.¡±


    ¡°¡­lots?¡±


    ¡°Lots.¡±


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Well¡­ It¡¯s true we can¡¯t let Orchid step all over our turf, after all.¡±


    ¡°Ah, right. That was Orchid¡­¡±


    ¡°What happened between you two exactly?¡±


    ¡°Nothing much. Just that one time I went to a dungeon in the Tame Zone and found a shortcut to the boss room. He might have felt offended when he saw me coming out alone with the [Sorceress¡¯ Necklace] in front of the two hundred players he had gathered for the raid¡­ He still hates me. I don¡¯t know why. I even gave him the necklace¡­¡±


    ¡°Typical¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah. I know right? This guy-¡±


    ¡°No, I mean typical you.¡±


    ¡°What was that about?¡±


    ¡°A ¡®shortcut¡¯ to the boss room? You say that like it was easy. Try to understand the hardships of normal people sometimes.¡±


    ¡°Because you consider yourself ¡®normal¡¯, Daniel-san the Sky Beast?¡±


    ¡°Compared to you? I do.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Well, anyone who tried a little would have figured that you just needed to whistle a lullaby to the duck-shaped rock near the sacred pond two kilometres away from the entrance of the dungeon, on a full moon, wearing a turban, after cleansing the stone with the holy water from the source¡­¡±


    ¡°WHO¡¯D HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT?!¡±


    Nicolas shrugged again, faintly smirking.


    His shoulders were starting to get sore from all that shrugging.


    ¡°You¡¯re unbelievable¡­¡±


    ¡°Do I need to remind you thanks to whose information your guild managed to climb to its current position?¡±


    ¡°You make it sound like it¡¯s all thanks to you¡­¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it the case?¡±


    ¡°¡­not entirely¡­¡± Daniel mumbled.


    The teasing young man felt mercy ¨C That¡¯s the second time today. Am I sick? ¨C towards his Guild Master friend and didn¡¯t pursue further, letting his head fall on his arms crossed over his desk. Honestly, all he really had done was to give Horizon a little favouritism. If the guild hadn¡¯t been strong enough to act on his insight, the provided help wouldn¡¯t have change much.


    In exchange for the information, ¡°Daniel-san¡± had been serving as an intermediary between Elric and his ¡°clients¡±, all thanks to a very rare pair of interconnected magic bags. This item enabled the Wandering Knight to send back his findings to the headquarters of Horizon without a need for himself to leave the Wild. Thus gaining time and avoiding crowds.


    There were only two downsides to the [Nether Bags].


    First, the package had to actually fit inside for the magic to work. Still, the inconspicuous piece of cloth was large enough to contain a grown man, so it wasn¡¯t much of a problem.


    The second issue was that it didn¡¯t work with organic materials like food or body parts. Although it worked without problem for things like leather or feather cloaks. Nicolas had no idea how the distinction was made.


    Something to do with radiocarbon dating maybe?


    He wasn¡¯t that knowledgeable in molecular magic¡­ if that was even a thing.


    In the middle of his reflexion about a possibly undiscovered form of magic, a thought suddenly crossed his mind, and Nicolas jerked up and stared at his friend, who gave him back a raised eyebrow.


    ¡°Daniel, have you ever seen around a girl with glasses and bl-¡±


    ¡°Everyone, quiet! Go back to your seat Johnson. I¡¯ll start the lesson.¡±


    Unbeknownst to him, the teacher had already arrived and connected her laptop to the projector. Sighing in anticipation of a boring hour, but thankful for the progressively settling silence, Nicolas let his head fall down again


    ¡°Did you say something about a girl?¡± Daniel¡¯s murmured question reached his ear.


    Taking a glance at the middle-aged woman who was still in the process of re-establishing order in the classroom, Nicolas sat back up and turned once more towards his seat neighbour to answer in the same whispered voice:


    ¡°Yes, a creepy nerd that was at Tommy¡¯s. I guess she must live nearby if she goes there, so I was wondering if you knew something a-bout¡­her¡­¡±


    Surprised by the abrupt change of tone, and his strange friend¡¯s widened eyes fixed over his shoulder, Daniel looked behind him, but the only thing in that direction was the windowed door of the room. Pivoting back, he was about to ask what this was about, but was startled by Nicolas suddenly pulling out a piece of paper and hurriedly writing something down.


    ¡°What ar-¡±


    ¡°Mrs Givre! I¡¯m sorry, but I have to go.¡± Interrupting him, the unpredictable young man suddenly shot up, grabbing his backpack, and walked up to the teacher.


    ¡°Siegel,¡± she said disapprovingly and took the note he¡¯d just written. ¡°I don¡¯t think it is¡­¡±


    Her voice died out as she read the content of the sort message, her eyes widening. She then gave a suspicious look to the innocently smiling student in front of her. After a few seconds, her facial muscles relaxed and she waved him to the door.


    ¡°Alright, Siegel. You may go. But I want the exercises from page sixteen to eighteen for tomorrow in my office.¡±


    Opening his backpack, Nicolas pulled out a few sheets and gave them to the teacher.


    ¡°Will that be enough?¡±


    He had already glossed over Givre¡¯s whole textbook on a whim during the second month of lessons. He actually found electrical circuits to be quite a fun subject, even if she herself was less captivating than a catatonic sloth.


    Without waiting for an answer from the stunned teacher, Nicolas then rushed out of the classroom under the curious stares of the other students, and Daniel¡¯s anxious puzzled look.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Stepping out in an empty corridor with orange and purple walls, Nicolas marked a pause and looked around while sniffing the air, slightly hunched like a hound tracking a shrew¡­


    Not that the action had any purpose¡­


    He knew his target had been walking in the direction of the main hall. He saw her after all.


    He just felt like it¡­


    Don¡¯t judge.


    Decisively turning his head left, and then the rest of his body, he started walking fast towards the aforementioned hall, giving a quick peek inside each room he passed by, but not wasting too much time on it. Several months of wandering the premises of this insult to architecture had drawn inside his mind a very precise map of the warped building and, with the little he could guess about his prey¡¯s behavioural pattern, he had already a good idea about where she had been heading to.


    Passing next to the main entrance, he spotted the janitor, still repairing the same radiator. The man briefly gave him a puzzled look, then smiled and designated the staircase, confirming Nicolas¡¯ hypothesis.


    Climbing the steps two by two as per his habit, Nicolas quickly reached the third and last floor ¨C well, the west wing actually had four floor and the south one five, but let¡¯s leave that aside for now ¨C where the library was situated.


    After walking down an absurdly narrow passageway, he finally reached the place.


    Grinning, he tiptoed inside like a stealthy hunter¡­ or a very evil ballerina¡­ and carefully checked all of the alcoves housing five computers each, sure his quarry was close.


    However¡­


    Where the hell is she?


    He had thoroughly searched around, but the elusive being was nowhere to be caught.


    Were my deductions off?


    Taking his favourite thinking pose, he crossed his left arm over his belly and held his right elbow in his left hand, while the fingers of the right were gently stroking his short three-day beard.


    After a good minute of profoundly staring at a dirty spot on the fuchsia wall, he reached a deep conclusion:


    ¡°I need to shave.¡±


    With this world-shaking truth enounced, Nicolas made his way to the last door he had left unchecked, one opening to a place he never thought to enter one day, a place of mystery and dust, an anachronistic temple of knowledge¡­


    Taking a deep inspiration, he pushed the door, half-closing his eyes, almost expecting a blinding heavenly light to surge out. Witnessing no such phenomenon, he stepped inside the mythical chamber.


    And before him stood shelves.


    Many shelves.


    And books.


    Actual reference books.


    Made out of paper.


    Such a wondrous thing¡­


    This part of the library, albeit not that large, was pretty much the only portion of the building having escaped the renovation madness and to still hold the charm of age, with wood everywhere and not a single flashy-coloured wall in sight.


    Why would a hospital need such a place was anyone¡¯s guess though.


    Looking around, Nicolas was almost surprised not to see an old wizardly white-bearded elder hunched over a huge tome and holding an ink-covered quill.


    Don¡¯t get him wrong, he was very fond of books. The feel of paper under his fingers and the actual visible progression as he turned each page could never be replaced in his heart by the cold efficiency of PDFs and other EPUBs. Every little tear, every little stain, every little fold in a volume told a unique story, a story that designated the book as his own and that awaked in him a weird feeling of attachment towards what was after all nothing more than a bundle of paper printed with black ink.


    However, that was true for story books, comics, novels, manga¡­ you name them. Textbooks to the very limit, but mainly for the sake of annotations.


    In this day and age, where everything, or just about, was available on the internet with trustful accuracy as long as one was not dumb enough to forget to do a little cross-referencing, who were the heroes still risking devastating asthma in tackling the dusty compiled knowledge of the past in his material form?


    The brave warrior willing to face tomes of hundreds of page, armed with nothing more than a measly table of content and refusing the comfort of the computerized search engine?


    The mighty knight courageous enough to face swarms of paper dragons with his tiny sword while a boosted flamethrower raygun was laying at his feet?


    If such a being still wandered this Earth, this one truly deserved to be revered by the lazy mankind.


    Momentarily dazed by his own delusions, Nicolas was brought back to reality by the faint characteristic rubbing of paper against paper.


    Snapping back into balleri- ¡­ hunter mode, he stealthily skipped in direction of the noise and, hiding behind a shelf, peeped between two books, ¡°Relativity: The Special and the General Theory¡± by Albert Einstein and ¡°On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life¡± by Charles Darwin.


    Who¡¯s in charge of tidying up this place? I have a few reclamations concerning the sorting system around here¡­ And that title is way too long! What the fuck, Darwin?! And why keep a book on zoology in a polytech institute?


    Quickly, he dismissed those pointless considerations and stared at the profile of the female existence sitting at the table two metres away from him.


    Here I was wondering how to find her, and there she is!


    It was indeed the same nerdy girl that had given him the empty-eyes-silent-creepy-smile-and-running-away-for-no-apparent-reason treatment a few days earlier at Tommy¡¯s Record Store.


    Black shoulder-length hair with long bangs, there was no mistaking that haircut, nor those fast and precise gestures as she turned the pages, and that slim frame.


    However, one notable difference was that her thick rectangular glasses were off, revealing pure hazel eyes ¨C well, only one, given he was looking at her from the side ¨C that were rapidly moving left and right as she read through the voluminous tome she was holding.


    Doesn¡¯t she need those for reading? Is it myopia?


    She was once more absently smiling, like lost in her own universe, but for some reason, Nicolas couldn¡¯t find her creepy. Maybe because this time she wasn¡¯t staring directly at him, like she was hesitating between kissing and beheading him? Or was it the absence of her opaque pair of double glazing shields that gave her a more open face? Or simply the fact her timid and scared demeanour was all but gone, replaced by an air of quiet peacefulness.


    Or maybe I¡¯m developing a fetish for cutely creepy girls, who knows? I need to seriously re-evaluate my preferences.


    ¡°If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperilled in a hundred battles... If you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperilled in every single battle.¡±


    Sun Tzu?


    Well¡­ What do I do know? ¡­ I¡¯m asking myself that question a lot, aren¡¯t I? I should try to plan a bit more in advance. Look at me. Now I¡¯ve done it and stalked a girl to a place where we¡¯re alone together¡­ What am I turning into?


    Answer A: a rapist.


    Answer B: a desperate loner.


    Answer C: a girl.


    Answer D: a pancake.


    Seeing I already covered answer C, and that I¡¯d like to avoid A and B¡­ I¡¯ll go for C. Now, how do I turn into a pancake? Mmmh¡­ That¡¯s not helping.


    First of all, what is she doing here? Is she a student? How come I never noticed her before? ¡­ Well, that¡¯s easy¡­ I probably never paid attention¡­ and if she spends all her time in the library¡­ What class is she in? Well, no use thinking too much about it.


    His mind made, he stepped out of his improvised peeping spot, and walked up to the girl who, once again, didn¡¯t seem to react to his presence as he indiscreetly approached her from behind.


    Once he was close enough, he extended his arm and poked her shoulder.


    ¡°Hello? We meet again. So, in the end, did you remember to go back to the shop and pay for that CD?¡±


    Not the best way to strike up a conversation, true enough. But his second choice ¡°I¡¯ve been observing you from behind that shelf for a while now, and I was wondering who the hell you were¡± hadn¡¯t seemed any more suitable.


    Startled by the sudden poking, the girl jerked her head up and stared at him with growing horror, her whole body beginning to shake.


    ¡°Ah, sorry for scaring you. My name¡¯s Nic-¡±


    He never finished his late introduction, as a book suddenly came flying at his head, and he just had the time to read the title before the back of the scientific compendium collided with his face.


    ¡°Investigations on the Theory of the Brownian Movement¡±, by Albert Enstein¡­ Why do I feel some irony? ... Is this supposed to be the proverbial might of the pen over the sword? It sure hurts.


    And he blacked out.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    I accuse¡­ Nerd Girl¡­ in the Library¡­ with the Big Ass Book¡­


    As his mind slowly made its way back to the world of light, colours and annoying speeches, Nicolas caught the sound of a door being slammed somewhere. Given nobody usually came to this part of the school, supposing some students were even aware of the existence of this room, it was a safe guess to say it was the Violent Nerd ¨C rank up? ¨C leaving the crime scene, meaning he hadn¡¯t been out for that long.


    He brought his right hand to his painful nose and wasn¡¯t too surprised see it coming back covered in blood. Sighing, he felt his pockets with his other hand in search for some tissues.


    ¡°Hobe id isn¡¯d brogen.¡±


    A couple minutes later, with his two flowing nasal ducts gloriously plugged by protruding coiled pieces of the aforementioned tissues, Nicolas began his journey to the closest toilet, in an epic quest with a mirror and a working sink as his objectives.


    In passing, he noted that the crime weapon was nowhere to be found.


    Well, it¡¯s good to know she¡¯s a meticulous psycho. Or is putting the book back on its shelf more important than my well-being? Why don¡¯t I feel more offended by that?


    ¡°Hm-hm-hmhmhm¡­¡± As he left the library, a faint uncontrollable laughter was creeping its way to his vocal cords.


    Slowly walking in a dark green corridor, Nicolas raised his bloodied fingers to his mouth, and licked some of the rapidly drying red fluid away, savouring the warm irony taste.


    A wide grin bloomed on his gory face, and sparkles danced in his eyes.


    ¡°Inderesding¡­¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> And not affiliated in any way to the ¡°Pakistan International School, Riyadh¡± or the ¡°P?le Intersectoriel de Soin et de R¨¦habilitation (pour les pathologies ¨¤ longue ¨¦volution)¡±.


    <hr />


    Well, here¡¯s chapter 20. Hope you like it.


    Nothing much to say, really. As usual, I remind you that comments, suggestions and criticisms are welcomed. As are ratings as well.


    So thanks for reading, and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Side Story</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.21 – Nerdy Phone Home

    Chapter 21 ¨C Nerdy Phone Home


    ¡°When dealing with aliens, try to be polite, but firm.


    And always remember that a smile is cheaper than a bullet.¡±


    ¨C Automated MNU Instructional Voice, District 9


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    -Nicolas¡¯ PoV -


    *tap* *tak-tap*


    *tap* *tak-tap*


    *tap* *tak-tap*


    *tap* ¡°SIEGEL!!¡±


    A weary exhalation echoed in the oddly-shaped corridor as a resigned young man slowly pivoted on his heels in order to confront the belligerent creature from whom had originated the loud and reverberating interjection, and whose appearance, of grace fair only, revealed itself as that of a young woman past her nineteenth spring, seemingly moulded in the widely acknowledged canonical posture, if slightly stereotypical, characterizing a rightfully angry maiden ready to unleash impending diatribe on her incriminated spiteful interlocutor, tightening her prehensile appendages in two facsimiles of spheres known as ¡°fists¡± and resting them on both sides of her slim waist, while standing next to a second obviously female human being of similar age, who was herself seemingly sharing her counterpart¡¯s pugnacity as she had reprovingly crossed her upper limbs under her two fleshy mounts to empower the heated disdainful glare she was currently casting at the one and same target.  <1>


    Unyielding in the face of such openly displayed hostility, the young man eloquently pronounced the common yet laconic allocution befitting such a bothersome predicament:


    ¡°What ?!¡±


    Truly inspiring¡­ But let us not lose ourselves in verbose cumbersome declamation any further, and thusly revert back to a more wieldy form of narration.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Following the pissed girl¡¯s loud exclamation and Nicolas¡¯ curtly reply, a tensed silence fell over the Fool, the Flat and the Busty, awaiting the first gunshot.


    Puripuri-puuu ?pwah ?pwah ? pwaaaah¡­ <2>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    A Snickers wrapper flew by, living its dream of becoming a tumbleweed in a Hollywoodian production¡­


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Even Snickers have dreams¡­


    ¡°¡­¡±


    It was eventually the Flat who fired first:


    ¡°Your name¡¯s Nicolas Siegel right?!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve been called worse ma¡¯am. What can this ol¡¯ fella da for yah?¡± answered the Fool, adopting a weird westernish accent.


    The girl blinked, taken aback by Ol¡¯ Nic¡¯s unexpected behaviour.


    Actually, he wasn¡¯t so crazy that he would act weird with just anybody, but being called out in such a rude and commanding tone didn¡¯t put him in a very cooperative mood.


    The Busty then scornfully took over:


    ¡°Look, if you want to play dumb and act like a retarded kindergartner, that¡¯s your problem. But know where to stop! Aren¡¯t you too old to bully girls? Have you no shame?!¡±


    Nicolas furrowed his brows.


    Bully? What is she¡­


    ¡°Yeah, right,¡± the other judged necessary to add. ¡°Leave Eva alone!¡±


    His eyes widened in sudden realisation.


    ¡°Oh¡­ that¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t try to pretend you don¡¯t know!!¡± Busty¡¯s face was getting red in anger.


    ¡°No. No. I plaid guilty.¡±


    ¡°Then stop bothering her!¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡±


    Both the girl were bewildered by his flat rejection.


    ¡°Besides, who are you girls to tell me what I can or can¡¯t do?¡±


    ¡°Th-Th-That¡¯s not a problem of who tells you not to do it!!¡± Busty was now stuttering in rage. ¡°That¡¯s a question of common sense and decency!!!¡±


    That¡¯s some pretty hot temper you got there ma¡¯am.


    Not letting his thoughts show, Nicolas tilted his head and frowned again.


    ¡°Soooo¡­ you¡¯re the ¡®Common Sense and Decency Committee¡¯? The kkksssdddekk? Do I pronounce that right?¡±


    ¡°NOOO!!¡± she raised her arms, probably taking heaven as witness or something. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you! Can¡¯t you be serious for five seconds?!¡±


    ¡°My last record was four.¡±


    ¡°AAAARH!! GrbahlkillssholebasthardIllcussh¡­¡±


    She staggered forwards, visibly set on strangling him, but Flatty stopped her angry comrade before the situation got out of hand and cast a furious glare towards Nicolas.


    ¡°We¡¯re Eva¡¯s friends!¡± she stated like it was some kind of definitive argument.


    ¡°And she specifically asked you to ask me to leave her alone?¡±


    ¡°Not exactly, but¡­¡±


    ¡°Then why are you taking unasked initiatives and wasting my time? If she got a problem with me, why doesn¡¯t she come to me herself?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s to-¡±


    ¡°SHE¡¯S FAR TOO SHY FOR THIS YOU MORON!!! AND IF SHE DIDN¡¯T ASK US, IT¡¯S BECAUSE SHE¡¯S TOO NICE AND SHE DIDN¡¯T WANT TO BE A BOTHER!! IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO DRIVE INTO THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS?!?¡±


    The big-breasted one apparently had gotten back the ability of [Constructed Speech], even if the [Decibels Control] subskill still seemed a bit off. Thankfully, it was already quite late and most of the students and teachers had left by this hour, so her outburst didn¡¯t attract too much attention.


    ¡°Are the two of you complete idiots?¡±


    ¡°WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?¡±


    Great, now both broke their volume switch.


    Sighing, Nicolas adopted a professorial tone:


    ¡°Listen, if she didn¡¯t tell you that I was bothering her, then how did you guess?¡±


    ¡°DUH!? It was obvious that she wasn¡¯t acting like usual! And you¡¯re the only new thing tha-¡±


    ¡°Then how does she act as usual?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡± they seemed a bit confused by the direction this was taking. ¡°She¡¯s calmer and-¡±


    ¡°Then how did you notice she wasn¡¯t as calm as usual?¡±


    ¡°We have eyes! We can see!¡±


    ¡°Then¡­ *inhale* USE YOUR FREAKING EYES!! ¡­and your brains too, that could help.¡±


    Shy? Too nice? Yeah, and I¡¯m a ukulele virtuoso.


    Losing himself back in thoughts without paying any more attention to the stunned girls, Nicolas turned around, grabbed his crutch, and slowly hobbled away.


    *tap* *tak-tap* *tap* *tak-tap* *tap*¡­


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Eva¡­


    Eva, short for ¡°Evangeline¡±, also known as ¡°Psycho Nerd¡± ¨C but that was only Nicolas calling her that ¨C, was surprisingly a student from his own class, as per Daniel¡¯s insight, but with an even lower attendance rate than himself. She still managed to get the top score in every lesson tough.


    In fact, ¡°low attendance rate¡± was still a bit of an euphemism, since she never showed up in class except for exams and tests. She apparently came to school only to use the library, which was well-furnished, Nicolas had to admit, as he had come to notice after all the stal¡­ observing he did.


    Every now and then, he also caught glimpse of her eating lunch with other girls, including the earlier pair of self-proclaimed ¡°friends¡±.


    Reading books and eating lunch, that was pretty much all she did.


    On the other hand, Nicolas too wasn¡¯t very busy these days.


    For three weeks already, which meant three months in-game, Nicolas¡¯ avatar had been stuck inside the cursed [Obsidian Tower], still unable to find a way to free himself aside from going all ¡°Dementor''s Kiss¡± on the next guy to come by. <3>


    Which was definitively not a very thrilling perspective.


    Actually, he would be perfectly fine with never kissing another man in his whole life.


    Not that Nicolas had anything against gay men.


    Really.


    He sometimes even wondered what he would do if someone of the same sex asked him out, which was unlikely to happen¡­ but still¡­ Despite not being interested, he still considered himself open-minded enough ¨C ¡°abnormally curious¡± might be more accurate ¨C to give it a thought.


    As of now though, from his standpoint, guys going for other guys only meant less competition.


    Which didn¡¯t meant he had anything against lesbians either¡­ because¡­ you know¡­ lesbians are ho-


    But we digress.


    In fact, Nicolas wasn¡¯t that much in a hurry to leave Bluerose, and not only because he was unwilling to give his maiden¡¯s first kiss to a stranger¡­ Although Victoria was technically a widow¡­ Well, that was all a question of perspective.


    First of all, testing out the limits of his new body and powers had been fun enough on its own. Even considering the eventuality he¡¯d lose them upon breaking the curse, he wouldn¡¯t have let slip away such a golden opportunity to study gi¡­ vampires.


    Plus, the locked doors he had passed in the staircase leading to Victoria¡¯s bedroom were apparently linked to the Princess¡¯ mana-signature, or something similar, meaning he had been able to open them after his transformation. The items he found there were enough to keep his mind occupied for some times, before sorting them out and sending them to Daniel for safe-keeping and selling.


    ¡°Take as much from the curse as it takes from you.¡± He never derogated to his mottos.


    Except when he forgot.


    Or when two mottos contradicted themselves.


    Well, it mostly depended on his mood¡­


    Anyway¡­ the last thing he had discovered was that the cheval glass in the top room was in fact¡­ a flat screen!


    The only channel available was ¡°Nowhere Valley CCTV¡± though, but observing the behaviour of so many monsters in their natural habitat was far from boring. Even more so when studying the dangerous ecosystem from a totally safe location. The goblin lifestyle especially had piqued his interest, along with something else¡­ something that had probably to do with his presence in the tower, but we¡¯ll come back to that.


    When all was said and done, despite the fun he was having as ¡°Victoria¡±, he nevertheless was starting to feel claustrophobic when staying for too long in the tower, so he comparatively spent a lot of time outside the game. He had guessed that, in the unlikely occurrence of someone coming to ¡°rescue¡± the ¡°Princess¡± while Nicolas was offline, his lifeless avatar would still perfectly do its job of evil Sleeping Transvestite Beauty without him.


    Therefore, he barely dedicated one third of his attention to Untold Tales recently, compared to two thirds before, and had re-allocated the recovered focus power to the matter of the female oddity that three weeks ago had ran away from him, twice, and bloodily cracked his nose in an unprecedented use of Einstein¡¯s work.


    On a side note, the last third of his mind was as usual left as sort of a buffer zone, an area where his subconscious dealt with everything he didn¡¯t deem important, and a place in which you really didn¡¯t want to peek without a PhD in psychotherapy or at least a good understanding of the chaos theory. <4>


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After the first incident in the library, Nicolas had tried in various ways to communicate with the extra-terrestrial entity known as ¡°E.V.A.¡± ¨C I come in peace! ¨C, but all his attempts had ended up as declinations of the two first encounters, with her running away and him being more or less hurt, both mentally or physically.


    The girl had obviously taken up some self-defence lessons.


    True, she wasn¡¯t that strong, but neither was Nicolas, his previous experience with martial arts all but forgotten. If you weighted his tall built against her training, given the result was truncated by the fact all he wanted to do was talk, Nicolas hadn¡¯t much of an advantage.


    Thinking about it, she probably wasn¡¯t trying to wound him per say.


    Probably¡­


    His slightly broken right tibia wasn¡¯t even her fault¡­


    Yasmin really couldn¡¯t control her strength when she got emotional.


    But¡­ well¡­ it was true that Eva¡¯s later kick hadn¡¯t accelerated the healing process.


    His cracked thumb also was a bit sore¡­


    Okay, that one stun gun burn on his arm still felt itchy, but it was more likely his imagination¡­


    And thank God she ate her lunch with plastic cutlery¡­


    His nose too had never be completely the same after that day¡­


    Nothing worth worrying about, really.


    Although the girl definitely had some issues, it was likely that the fits of violence Nicolas had learnt to expect ¨C he was getting quite good at dodging ¨C were more of a reflexive defence mechanism she had put in place, with the goal of rapidly incapacitating whatever was threatening her, and not a manifestation of her desire to cripple him specifically.


    He hoped.


    His observations pointed in that direction at least, although Nicolas could at best make some wild guesses concerning her aforementioned issues.


    It was quite obvious Eva had severe problems dealing with people, especially men. She avoided crowds, always arriving early and leaving late ¨C which had influenced his own timetable too ¨C and he had never seen her look directly at any of the males in Saint-Rose, be it the students or the teachers.


    Nevertheless, Nicolas had a feeling he was making some progress lately¡­ if a few seconds of anger flashing in her eyes before the usual panic could be considered ¡°progress¡±.


    Nicolas wasn¡¯t even really sure why he was so dead set on talking to her.


    His half-joking hypothesis of being in love had been mercilessly crushed by Daniel when he had consulted the half-Moroccan on the matter. His exact words had been: ¡°You don¡¯t look like someone in love. You look like a creepy scientist who just got his hands on a batch of untested chemicals and a litter of baby rats.¡±


    Nicolas had been mildly offended¡­ until his friend handed him a mirror.


    Aside from the obvious reason why any male would want a particular female to acknowledge his existence, the only other possible reason he could think of was that giving up by this point would have felt like he had lost some kind of contest of wills ¨C he still wasn¡¯t completely disregarding the masochistic crush route though. <5>


    Because, contrary what her so-called ¡°friends¡± claimed, Eva was neither shy nor weak-minded. Far from it.


    He took as proof the fact that she still showed up every morning despite being obviously terrified whenever their eyes met. On a guess, he¡¯d say her overreactions were probably due to some kind of trauma which caused her to temporarily freak out if certain conditions were met.


    The happy and serein ¨C and vaguely creepy ¨C smile she showed whenever she thought she was alone was proof enough that she wasn¡¯t a crazy paranoiac constantly living in fear.


    Why she acted withdrawn even with the girls was anyone¡¯s guess though.


    He couldn¡¯t really just walk up to a herd of chatting females and insert himself in the conversation to confirm, but he had a feeling the reason was somewhat different than her supposed androphobia.


    However, that apparent meek attitude of hers and her cute-ish bookworm looks truly made her a perfect target for stalkers.


    Good thing he was always following her to keep those guys away¡­


    ¡­


    Well¡­ It wasn¡¯t like he ever followed her to her house¡­ or anywhere else outside the school for that matter. He didn¡¯t even know where she lived! He was interested in the girl herself, not really in her life.


    One might argue that to know the first, you needed to be informed about the second, but he had a feeling the situation was really going to turn creepy if he ever pushed his intrusive behaviour that far.


    If not ¡°all there¡±, he was at least aware that the brakes of his curiosity were a tad dysfunctional.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Hobbling about in the renovated hospital and cynically making absurd diagnoses in his mind ¨C It¡¯s not lupus! ¨C, Nicolas finally reached the main hall, its misplaced stairs and its brand new radiator.


    Tsh. Those girls screw up my timing. I guess she left alread-


    ¡°¡­said you would be home by five!¡±


    Or not.


    A somehow familiar voice interrupted his thoughts and he ducked behind the staircase.


    As not to disturb her phone call, of course.


    I never heard her speak so loudly¡­ Who¡¯s she talking to?


    ¡°...xcuse! It¡¯s your fault we lost the second key. ¡­ All the way to- ¡­ But- ¡­. What do you mean ¡®tomorrow¡¯?! And where am I supposed to sleep? At school?! ¡­  But I- ¡­ Alright. ¡­ I get it. ¡­ No. ¡­ Yes. ¡­ Yes. ¡­ I¡¯ll ask a friend. ¡­ No. Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll manage. ¡­ Bye. Don¡¯t overwork yourself. ¡­ Yes. Bye.¡±


    Well, she seems to have some trouble today. Better not bother her¡­ I don¡¯t want to find out how she¡¯d react if she¡¯s already worked up beforehand. My leg¡¯s half healed too. I guess I¡¯ll jus-


    ¡°DAMN!!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Well, the least I can say is when she starts talking, she doesn¡¯t do it half-heartedly¡­


    He risked a peek over the guardrail and caught glimpse of the girl nervously biting the tip of her thumb while mumbling to herself.


    ¡°Ask to a friend¡¯ I said¡­ before¡­ Right¡­ Like I can just¡­ Why does it have to be today?! We would have gotten the new key tomorrow! ¡­ should know that¡­ But ¡­ not her fault, I know¡­ Aaaaah¡­ That so pisses me off!!! What am I suppo¡­¡±


    Well¡­ I guess she¡¯s even more hot-tempered than I thought¡­ Wait¡­ Does that mean she actually tried on purpose to puncture my eye with that fork?! Hahaha¡­ And why do I find this idea funny? There really must be something wrong with me¡­


    ¡°¡­ I guess I could try to phone Laura¡­ Since she lives alone¡­ That should be okay if it¡¯s just for a night¡­ Ah! But she said her boyfriend would be¡­ So no¡­ Dam-¡±


    ¡°Need some help?¡±


    Nicolas Siegler, master of tact and timing.


    Eva reflexively turned around at the sound of his voice. Then, as expected, her face drained of all colour upon seeing him, she dropped her phone, and her whole body began to shake as she frantically looked around for an escape way.


    Unfortunately, she stood in a corner of the warped hall and Nicolas was currently blocking her path to the front door, the corridor and the staircase.


    He hadn¡¯t really positioned himself there on purpose though. He just came close enough to converse naturally while also remaining at the safe distance his hard-earned prudence suggested him, which somehow resulted in the current situation.


    Without anywhere to flee ¨C nor any visible mean of knocking him down ¨C Eva retreated further into the corner and turned her back to him, crouching to the ground and holding her shaking shoulder in fear.


    O-kay¡­ I should be happy to have finally pinned her down, but now I really feel like a molester assaulting a child¡­ That isn¡¯t a good feeling.


    Thinking that anything he could say right now would only worsen her condition, Nicolas took a step back, laboriously sat down on the stair, his crutch lying beside him, and waited.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After a couple of long minutes, she finally seemed to calm down, but didn¡¯t budge for the cause, probably aware he was still behind her.


    Trying to sound as unthreatening as possible ¨C a complicated task when he didn¡¯t even know what was scaring her so much in the first place ¨C Nicolas spoke again:


    ¡°So¡­ Someone at your house lost the spare key and you don¡¯t have anywhere to sleep tonight?¡±


    ¡°¡­listening?¡± her muffled voice echoed in the empty hall.


    ¡°I just overheard by accident,¡± he replied, guessing what she had meant.


    ¡°Hmpf!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Did she just ¡®hmpf!¡¯ me?!


    ¡°Is it because that person can¡¯t be reached? Or is it somewhere you can¡¯t go personally?¡±


    ¡°¡­car?¡±


    *sigh* ¡°No I don¡¯t have a car. To far then. Mmmh¡­ Anyway, don¡¯t you have any friends to ask to, like¡­¡±


    Busty and Flatty, but I can¡¯t say that¡­ I¡¯m sure they have names and all¡­


    ¡°¡­can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°I JUST CAN¡¯T OKAY!?¡± she shouted, still facing the wall.


    ¡°Okay. Okay. I get you have your issues.¡±


    She did sound like she had a legitimate reason, whatever it might be.


    Taking a sudden decision, Nicolas sighed, got up from the stairs and picked up her dropped phone. Thankfully, the device was undamaged and still on, so he rapidly took out his ID card and scanned it.


    ID-reading apps were standards these days, although his own phone didn¡¯t have such a functionality. But that was only because he often lost it and thus always bought the cheapest one he could find.


    That done, he put the phone back on the ground and took a few steps back.


    ¡°I¡¯m leaving now. I live alone in a flat about fifteen¡­ well let¡¯s say half-an-hour from here since I can¡¯t really walk fast right now. Anyway, it¡¯s close and I have a spare room, so do what you want. If you¡¯re scared I might do something to you, I just put all my personal info on your phone. Feel free to send it to whoever you like with a message saying ¡®If I disappear, this is the one who kidnapped me, so please arrest him and torture him until he talks¡¯¡­ something like that... Eeeeeh¡­¡±


    He nervously rubbed the twin burn scars on his arm, unsure how to end the odd conversation, and opened his mouth again a couple times like a fish out of the water, then shrugged and left, making sure to walk slowly ¨C although, to be true, his current top speed barely surpassed that of a quadriplegic tortoise.


    As he had expected, the sound of light steps soon echoed behind him.


    Hehehe¡­ ¡°How to tame a library shrew¡±, by Nicolas Siegler¡­ Eeeeeh¡­ Is it safe to let her know where I live? Oh well, she doesn¡¯t seem like a bad person¡­


    Right outside the school gate, Nicolas took a brief glance behind his back to confirm Eva was following, while making sure not to cross her gaze, then continued to hobble in the direction of his apartment.


    Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind and he asked over his shoulder:


    ¡°I guess you don¡¯t have anything to sleep in or to change into tomorrow?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Taking her silence as an affirmation, he grabbed his outdated cheap phone, selected one of the numbers of his pitifully short list of contacts and waited for the communication to get established.


    *puru* *puru* *puru* ¡­


    I guess that maid outfit... No. Definitely no.


    ¡­ *puru* *puru* *gatcha*


    ¡°Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Ha-hello?¡± A panting female voice came out of the speaker.


    ¡°Yasmin?¡±


    ¡°Nico? Ha¡­ It¡¯s you? Did you change your phone again? Nnnnnnh! Ha¡­ I didn¡¯t recognise the number.¡±


    ¡°The previous was in my pocket last time we met.¡±


    ¡°Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Oh¡­ Sorry. Ha¡­¡±


    ¡°Yasmin, could you please stop training at least when you¡¯re on the phone?¡±


    ¡°But¡­ Ha¡­ It¡¯s not like I can¡¯t talk all the same. Ha¡­¡±


    ¡°Please.¡±


    ¡°Ha¡­ Alright.¡±


    *CLONK*


    A loud metallic sound resounded in Nicolas¡¯ hear.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    He didn¡¯t even want to try and guess the weight of the barbell she had probably been lifting.


    ¡°So, what is it?¡± Yasmin asked, the intonation of effort gone from her voice.


    ¡°Right. I need some of your casual clothes, and one of your pyjamas too.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Yasmin?¡±


    ¡°Nicolas Siegel¡­ I don¡¯t know how many times I had to remind you this, but everyone isn¡¯t in your head! You have this bad habit of skipping half of the conversation and confusingly getting to the point, assuming the person you¡¯re talking to will know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it better to get to the point?¡±


    ¡°Not when your requests can be misinterpreted.¡±


    ¡°Do you mind me asking for one of your pyjamas?¡±


    ¡°Not really, but I promised your mom to teach you how to behave in society.¡±


    ¡°When did that happen?! Never mind¡­ You see, I¡¯m helping out a classmate who doesn¡¯t have a place to stay tonight, but she hasn¡¯t any decent clothes to wear. And you¡¯re the only girl I can think of who would agree to lend me some.¡±


    ¡°A female classmate?¡±


    ¡°Well, no. He¡¯s actually a transvestite, and I thought he would look great in that skirt you wore last time we went-¡±


    ¡°Okay. I get it. I¡¯ll be at your flat in ten minutes.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll be there before me then. For some reason, I¡¯m rather slow these days.¡±


    ¡°¡­sorry.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. Well, see you soon then.¡±


    ¡°Bye.¡±


    And she hung up.


    Half turning around, Nicolas confirmed once again Eva¡¯s presence behind him.


    ¡°I¡¯ve found you some clothes from a friend. Hers might be a bit too large, but bear with it okay?¡±


    She flinched when he suddenly called out to her, but faintly nodded while obstinately staring at the pavement.


    Nobody could guess this girl would try to fork out a guy¡¯s eye¡­ Wait¡­ Did I just simultaneously invited the two most violent girls I know to come over? Oh boy¡­


    In his turn feeling shivers run down his spine, he recalled a certain Ice Goddess as well as a mad Fire Priestess, and wondered if he was fated to run into dangerous women or if he just was unconsciously looking for them.


    I might really be masochist in the end¡­


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *ting*


    Waiting at a distance, Nicolas observed Eva as she got out of the elevator she had obstinately refused to ride with him. Since he obviously was in no condition to climb the stairs to the fifth floor, they had opted for two trips.


    Once confirmed she had gotten out at the right floor, he hobbled towards his flat which was the second to last of the corridor. Each floor had actually four apartments, but Mary and he were the only two living on the fifth.


    As expected, Yasmin had arrived before them.


    Less swarthy than her brother, she had inherited the lighter complexion of their Belgian mother, but had the same intriguing black eyes and dark curled hair as Daniel. Although hers were longer and tied up in a ponytail.


    She obviously had come straight here after his phone call, as per her usual straightforward attitude, despite the fact bringing the clothes over later would have been fine too, and thus wore a pair of trainers, sport leggings and a tight sweaty t-shirt that outlined every single muscle of her athletic body.


    In other words, despite being probably no more than one year apart, Eva and Yasmin couldn¡¯t have been more different, yet seemed to share the same violent temperament.


    Women truly are fearsome creatures. Victoria could learn from those two. I should take some notes.


    Speaking of fearsome women, Yasmin was currently in an animated discussion with the man-eating demon lairing in apartment 53, who was decently clothed for once¡­ well, relatively so.


    Seriously, what¡¯s with this gathering of harem anime stereotypes¡­ Mary the voluptuous beauty. Yasmin the sport geek. And Eva the¡­ meganekko-bipolar-dandere-yandere? I still can¡¯t figure her out. If some guy were to see me right now, I bet he¡¯d be green with jealousy, but boy would he be wrong. I just hope I¡¯ll still be alive tomorrow morning. Please at least leave me my teeth so I can eat solid food¡­ My mixer broke last week.


    Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    It was Mary who actually first noticed Nicolas and Eva, and tilted her head to signal their arrival to the other girl.


    Yasmin waved to greet them:


    ¡°Hi Nico! I brought the clothes.¡± She designated a bag in front of his door. ¡°Can I use your shower?¡±


    ¡°Who was it again who not ten minutes ago lectured me on my confusing speech pattern?¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. Don¡¯t be like that. I came here as fast as I could.¡±


    ¡°I sme¡­ see that¡­ Well, of course you can. My flat is your flat. You still got the key right?¡±


    Their short-lived relationship had ended around the time he moved here at the beginning of summer, but since the Daoud Dojo was close, Daniel and her still came over whenever they pleased.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she answered.


    ¡°Then make yourself home. Just don¡¯t touch my laptop. It isn¡¯t as cheap as my phone and is more dear to me than my legs.¡±


    ¡°Ha¡­ sorry.¡±


    ¡°Stop apologising. These things happen.¡±


    ¡°Nicooo~, where are your manners? Why don¡¯t you introduce us to your cute little grilfriend over there?¡±


    Mary cut in while openly scrutinizing the quietly waiting Eva.


    ¡°Behave Mary. She¡¯s not food. Nor my girlfriend.¡±


    ¡°And here I was thinking little Nico was graduating straight from self-entertainment to threeso-¡±


    ¡°Her name¡¯s Eva. She¡¯s one of my classmates, although she a bit too smart for the teachers, so she generally don¡¯t come to class.¡±


    He half-turned towards said classmate and attempted the complex exercise of looking at her without looking at her, before continuing:


    ¡°Eva, those are Yasmin, my childhood friend, and Mary. Beware of this one. She bites.¡±


    ¡°Moooo~ You¡¯re so mean. Besides, I don¡¯t do girls.¡±


    That said, she took as side glance at Eva, marked a small pause, and then burst out laughing:


    ¡°HAHAHAHAHAHA¡­ HAhaha¡­ Haha¡­ Aaaaah¡­ Nico. Nico. Nico¡­ You¡­ Hahaha¡­ So your really are that kind of guy¡­ Hahaha¡­¡±


    Not sure exactly what she was referring too, but with several hypothesis in mind, Nicolas simply raised a perplexed eyebrow.


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ Never mind if you don¡¯t get it. Well, it was nice meeting you Eva. And seeing you too Yasmin, come by whenever you want, even if it¡¯s not to see that masochistic scatterbrain. My door is always open for you¡­ or your brother. Now, if you¡¯ll excuse me, I have something in the oven.¡±


    ¡°¡­in the oven, right.¡± Nicolas sarcastically snorted. ¡°I knew you ate those guys, but not that you actually cooked them.¡±


    ¡°T-t-t-t-t¡­ What are you saying about this pure maiden?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re as much of a pure maiden as I am the President of Burkina Faso.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯re such a gentleman as usual.¡±


    ¡°I try.¡±


    ¡°Well, then stop making these two poor girls to stay outside in the cold, and hurry up to prepare them a warm bath and a good meal. And bring some food over too if cook something.¡±


    ¡°I though you already had something in the oven?¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ but that¡¯s just a side-snack.¡±


    ¡°Right¡­ I¡¯ll bring you the leftovers.¡±


    ¡°Lu~cky!! Byebye~¡±


    Once Mary had disappeared behind her closed door, Nicolas let out a sigh.


    ¡°Sorry about that. She likes to tease people, but she¡¯s not a bad person¡­ I think.¡±


    He directed a discreet apoplectic glance towards Eva ¨C discreet, because he knew meeting her eyes to apologise would prove counterproductive ¨C but she was looking away, and her cheeks were indeed red from the cold.


    Shrugging, he gestured to attract her attention and signalling her to follow while keeping himself as much as possible out of her line of sight.


    I swear if this keep up, I¡¯ll end up turning into a ninja.


    ¡°Oh¡­ right. I hope you¡¯re not allergic to panthers.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *sigh*


    How did it come to this¡­


    Nicolas put the large knife away ¨C somewhere out of Eva¡¯s reach ¨C and added the sliced leek to his improvised broth. He tasted the result and, satisfied, set up a timer before taking off his apron and leaving the kitchen for the living room. As he crossed the hallway, he gave a wary side glance to the bathroom door.


    After learning of Eva¡¯s peculiar androphobia, Yasmin had declared she would spent the night too, robbing Nicolas of his bed and relegating him to the couch.


    Both girls were currently having a bath together like grade-schoolers. Peeping didn¡¯t even crossed Nicolas mind though, as it was currently occupied with listing everything in a bathroom that could be used as a lethal weapon.


    Without anything to do before it was time to cook the steaks, Nicolas turned on his laptop and the projector, and opened the live feed from NHGame, on of the most prominent gaming news channels. He then dropped on the couch next to McLeon, who hissed against this invasion of his napping spot. Nicolas riposted by menacingly swinging his crutch and the fierce feline retreated to the side of the large seat.


    Nicolas had been momentarily worried about the meeting between the unstable bookworm and the humongous tomcat, but that had been for naught. Upon seeing McLeon¡¯s disfigured face, Eva had muttered something like ¡°¡­cute¡­¡±, to which the praised monster had responded with a proud glance at his owner-landlord, an act that could be interpreted either as ¡°See, Siegel! Finally someone who recognizes my greatness!¡± or ¡°I like this one, human. I shall allow you to keep her.¡±


    Either way, no problem had arisen, which the young man was thankful for.


    With another sigh, he reported his attention towards the projection on the wall.


    It was a live in-game interview of Prince Orchid, Guild Master of DragonHeart Flower, and Lily Snapdragon, his Second in Command. They were sitting in front of a tastefully decorated tent, surrounded by muffled noises suggesting a large encampment, and drinking tea facing a skilfully beautiful human woman in simple yet elegant clothes.


    These guys are everywhere these days, aren¡¯t they?


    ¡°¡­been challenging the [Tiamat Mountain Range] for the past two months?¡±


    The female interviewer was asking about the recent expedition, which was the largest ever organised since the release of the game. Well... DHF was the largest guild of UT.


    Brushing aside a flyaway lock of his undulated blond hair, Prince flashed a shining smile at the ¡°camera¡±.


    On first look, this guy appeared to be some kind of fancily-dressed human swordsman, proud representative of the Simple-Minded Arrogant Ikemen tribe, but Nicolas knew, from his short battle against him as Elric, that the medieval dandy wasn¡¯t someone to underestimate.


    Although his class is¡­ ¡°pfffft-Hahahaha¡­ Ah!¡± Focus, this might be interesting.


    ¡°¡­monsters have been unexpectedly tough. So we decided to first map the area around the mountains to ascertain that some hidden passageway didn¡¯t exist. Not that the core members of our guild wouldn¡¯t be able to cross the peaks¡­¡±


    Show-off. If that was that easy, I wouldn¡¯t have needed to crawl through antique temple sewers.


    ¡°¡­but we also have to consider the soldiers accompanying us.¡±


    ¡°Indeed,¡± the interviewer followed up. ¡°I heard the Holy Land of Altor lend you quite a consequent force for this expedition. Could you enlighten us as to why one of the Three Superpowers would do such a thing?¡±


    Superpowers¡­ Superpowers¡­ They¡¯re still quite small if you consider the whole continent.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s because the Head Pries- ow.¡±


    Prince¡¯s face briefly distorted in pain, but he quickly regained control over his expression and cast a fleeting fearful glance at the silent elven beauty by his side. Playfully toying with her long jet-black hair, Lily returned him a warm smile oozing with gentleness.


    ¡°Forgive me,¡± Prince then continued as if nothing had happened, ¡°but that information is confidential. I am truly sorry.¡±


    And he winked his clear blue eye at the human woman, who blushed like a teenage girl, while a murderous light flickered in Lily¡¯s.


    ¡°Ah¡­ Eeeh¡­ No¡­ I understand, of course.¡± The interviewer attempted to recover her professionalism. ¡°Then¡­ Do you have anything to say to Daniel-san, Guild Master of Horizon, who claimed he would beat you in crossing the Range?¡±


    ¡°Humpf. If Horizon wants to challenge us, I say let them come. I¡¯ll admit their strength isn¡¯t bad, but only a handful of their members are really worth being concerned about.¡±


    ¡°Are you referring to the Four Beasts of Horizon, Daniel-san KKid, Thunderwolf Storm, Winnie HonneyBlood and Strawberry Jam? Do you fear the power of those four could pose a threat to DragonHeart Flower¡¯s supremacy in this race to the secrets of Tiamat? After all, the Frontier is Horizon¡¯s home turf.¡±


    Prince was making a complicated face, visibly annoyed of hearing the ability of his guild repeatedly questioned.


    Apparently sensible to her Guild Master¡¯s irritation, Lily laid an appeasing hand on his shoulder, a gesture that oddly enough made him flinch.


    ¡°If I were Daniel-san,¡± the elven beauty began in a melodious and gentle voice, ¡°I would be more concerned about the [Phoenix Castle] right now.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± The interviewer made a puzzled face.


    ¡°You are of course aware that one of Horizon¡¯s main achievements was the conquest of the [Phoenix Castle], which to this day is still the largest player-owned structure in the known Pandore?¡±


    ¡°Yes, of course. But what has this to do with the [Tiamat Mountain Range]?¡±


    ¡°Hahahaha...¡± Lily let out a charming laugh. ¡°Nothing actually. But I might have heard some rumours of several guilds forming an alliance to take over Horizon¡¯s prided headquarters.¡±


    ¡°Is that true?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I wouldn¡¯t know. Those are just passing rumours after all. But it would be truly regrettable if Daniel-san were to lose his castle while away fighting over some petty territorial rivalry, don¡¯t you think so? I personally have a deep respect for the Four Beasts, and I would find devastating for such misfortune to befall them. You agree, don¡¯t you, my Prince?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ Yes¡­ Haha. Truly devastating.¡±


    ¡°As always, Lily-sama shows such consideration even towards her rivals. You truly live up to your title of ¡®Gentle Blossom¡¯.¡±


    ¡°Oh my. Thank you. But I don¡¯t deserve such a flattering nickname. I only say what I believe is right.¡±


    ¡°And your humbleness should be an example to everyone.¡±


    Lily simply nicely smiled back, while Prince looked increasingly uncomfortable, but still somehow managed to keep his ikemen attitude to a convincing extent. It was probably like a second nature to him.


    ¡°Well, thank you very much, Prince Orchid and Lily Snapdragon of DragonHeart Flower, for giving us some of your time.¡± She then turned back to the audience. ¡°You¡¯re watching NHGame and next we¡¯ll meet up with Ludovic in Start, capital of Firstland, where the preparations for an important festival are ongoing. Isn¡¯t that right Ludovic?¡±


    The image cut to a slender man with brown hair standing before a fairy-tale-ish palace of azure and purple.


    ¡°Yes, Mira. Important indeed since it will be the Coming of Age Ceremony for Princess Purity, youngest of the royal family. On this occ-¡±


    Nicolas closed NHGame¡¯s website, uninterested by the Princess¡¯ little birthday party, and switched to Untold Tales¡¯ official forums.


    One thread in particular had been holding his attention for the past two weeks.


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''> ¡°Castle in the Forest of Death¡±, Hidden Quest of the Suspicious Old Mage (Ghost?)


    (Pg. 35 of 37)</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">WKnight Brawn</td><td colspan=''3''> I got killed in five seconds¡­ -_-¡® </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Leonwald Gard</td><td colspan=''3''> Mee too. I was hunting groots in the Forest of Shtouf, and he just appeared behind me, told me something about being worthy, I agree to a quest to save some princess and ¡°POOF!!¡± I am in a forest with giant trees and overkill monsters everywhere!!!!!! I didn¡¯t have time to understand what was going on, and I got eaten by a ghost wolf or something. Didn¡¯t see any castle though.</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Star Lord</td><td colspan=''3''> That was a [Spectral Wolf] dude. There like the weakest monster in that place. I saw the castle, but got trampled by a thing spiting bubbles. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gram ArNah¡¯zi</td><td colspan=''3''> *They¡¯re </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Valrous Champion</td><td colspan=''3''> I got in the Castle, but there were only undead in there.  I don¡¯t know who said anything about goblins, but I saw none.</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">FlameSword Dude</td><td colspan=''3''> That¡¯s because the goblins hide and don¡¯t attack. O_o¡¯</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Charming Prince</td><td colspan=''3''> Yeah. I know. I found it weird too. I never saw monsters act like this. But they had trolls, so I just avoided them.</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Wonder Paladin</td><td colspan=''3''> I passed the goblins, and fought skeletons, zombies, a putrid salamander in the sewers and two dullahans guarding a door. I guess that was the boss room, but the headless bastards were too strong. I couldn¡¯t even defend myself and got one-shoted. Flattened in fact. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Pale Aladdin</td><td colspan=''3''> Dullahans? Never heard of anybody who got past the salamander. Were they really that strong?</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Wonder Paladin</td><td colspan=''3''> Strong? I didn¡¯t even understood what they did. I heard something about cookies and then my head had a very close and short relationship with the floor.</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">FlameSword Dude</td><td colspan=''3''> So, you did not saw Rapunzel either?  </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Leowald Gard</td><td colspan=''3''> The princess¡¯ name is ¡°Rapunzel¡±? </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">FlameSword Dude</td><td colspan=''3''>  No idea. But a beauty in a tower? </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Elric¡¯s Follower259</td><td colspan=''3''> MAAAAASTEEEER?!?!?! WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUU?????</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Garin Waltz</td><td colspan=''3''> I don¡¯t know what is her name either, but I sure saw her. But she doesn¡¯t seem to show herself anymore. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Smart Guy</td><td colspan=''3''> Maybe she got bored because you guys keep failing? </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">WKnight Brawn</td><td colspan=''3''> YOU TRY IT!! A quest god knows where, fighting monsters way past level 150! And nobody knows how to get the quest because that old dude keeps popping left and right with no pattern. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Sir Dance-A-Lot</td><td colspan=''3''> Actually that¡¯s just outside the Castle. The zombies inside aren¡¯t that strong, except a few. Just¡­ there¡¯s a lot of them. </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Star Lord</td><td colspan=''3''>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    ¡®WKnight Brawn¡¯ wrote:


    nobody knows how to get the quest because that old dude keeps popping left and right with no pattern.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    That¡¯s not exactly true. Rereading the older posts, it seems the only one to get the quest have to be 1. Male 2. not chaotic/evil/etc. 3. Some kind of knight, paladin, swordsman. And nobody got the quest twice, so it¡¯s probably a onetime thing.  </td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Garin Watlz</td><td colspan=''3''> Yeah¡­ a onetime thing where you¡¯re randomly teleported in a surekill zone.</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Smart Guy</td><td colspan=''3''> Maybe it¡¯s just a trap? Like a troll quest or something?</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Admiral Ackbar</td><td colspan=''3''> It¡¯s a trap!! </td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>.</td></tr></tbody></table>


    Nicolas sighed and turned off his computer, curling up in the couch and distractedly scratching the chin of a purring McLeon.


    What is that old man doing¡­


    Since a little after he had noticed the properties of the mirror in Victoria¡¯s bedroom, he had also spotted those knights popping here and there in Nowhere. Never more than one at a time. They rarely lasted long, but some actually made it to Bluerose, only to get mercilessly cut down by Headison or splattered by Tazius if they managed to go that far.


    Headison apparently was still pretty pissed about Elric¡¯s little cookie stunt, and hadn¡¯t even attempted to talk to anyone yet.


    All of those guys weren¡¯t posting on the forums though, since a couple had actually managed to defeat the [Dullahan] pair. However, soloing a dragon after fighting those two was hardly possible, even if you didn¡¯t charge straight at Kalameet like Elric.


    At first, Nicolas had wondered where these people came from, but a little snooping around on the website and he had found this page. He was almost one hundred percents sure the ¡°Suspicious Old Mage¡± in question was the Elder of Kansas, but that certitude actually raised more questions than it answered.


    If the old crook was capable of such a thing as teleportation, why did he wait all those years for someone to show up?


    How could he do such a thing in the first place? Instant teleportation without even a magical circle wasn¡¯t something that should even be possible.


    Why did he only choose people that corresponded more or less to Seras¡¯ husband? If his goal was something along the lines of breaking the curse and freeing her spirit, wouldn¡¯t various people with various abilities be more suitable?


    If the Elder was wandering the Continent, what was going on in Kansas? Nicolas was slightly worried.


    Seeing how the old mage definitely was majorly powerful, why couldn¡¯t he break the curse by himself?


    Was he even trying to break the curse, or just randomly picking up people and sending them to their death?


    How did he know when one of his ¡°chosen ones¡± was dead so that he could send the next challenger?


    All those unanswered questions¡­


    *trilililililililling*


    ¡­would have to wait, since it was time to go back to the kitchen.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Nicolas took the four steaks he had defrosted in advance, and threw them with some butter in a frying pan, including Mary in his preparations. The expiration date of the meat was close anyway, so better giving one to his profiteer of a neighbour than to throw it away. Which didn¡¯t mean he would do something too extravagant either.


    The last thing he needed was to mess up while getting creative and end up with an Eva dying from anaphylaxis.


    Thus steaks were perfect. He never heard of someone allergic to steaks... and most religions didn¡¯t prohibit the ingestion of beef.


    Well, he really was ready for anything when it came to his bipolar classmate, but he hoped she at least wasn¡¯t a picky eater.


    After once more checking the temperature of the broth, he was about to turn down the hotplates supporting the frying pan when a muffled cry suddenly came out of the bathroom.


    What now¡­


    Wiping his hands on his apron, Nicolas peeked in the hallway.


    ¡°Is everything alr-¡±


    *slam*


    He was interrupted by the door in front of him brutally swinging open, missing his cursed nose by a hair breadth, and Yasmin rushed out. Her face was red from the hot water of the bath, she was still fastening the top button of her shirt and her hair was a mess.


    Seeing Nicolas¡¯ stunned face before her, she opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again:


    ¡°¡­ah! S-s-sorry. I just remembered that thing dad asked me to do before tonight and I totally forgot about¡­ so¡­ eeeh¡­¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re not staying?¡±


    ¡°N-no. That¡¯s right. Sorry. You even cooked.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s only steak, don¡¯t sweat it. I¡¯m sure Mary could use a second serving anyway.¡±


    ¡°¡­right. Sorry.¡±


    ¡°Stop apologising.¡±


    ¡°Sor¡­ Haha¡­ well¡­ Bye then.¡±


    ¡°Bye. Say hi to Daniel for me.¡±


    ¡°Bye.¡±


    She started walking towards the door, then Nicolas suddenly remembered something.


    ¡°Ah! Right¡­ That Lily was on NHGame earlier. She said that people wanted to go after your [Phoenix Caslte].¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± she shouted as she spun to face him.


    ¡°It¡¯s ¡®just a rumour¡¯, she said. But you know how she his.¡±


    ¡°That two-faced bitch!¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t agree more, but we got nothing tangible right now. You should just be careful for some times. Maybe drop the [Tiamat Mountain Range] thing.¡±


    ¡°But what about your¡­ situation? Whatever that might be¡­¡± Her voice sounded somewhat reproachful.


    ¡°I¡¯ll manage. Things have evolved since I last talked to Daniel about it.¡±


    ¡°If you say so¡­ Well, I¡¯m off then.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t outrun too many cars.¡±


    She waved over her shoulder and left.


    Weird¡­ she isn¡¯t the type who forgot things usually¡­


    Shrugging it off, he turned towards the bathroom, and knocked.


    ¡°Eva. Is everything alright?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Eva?¡±


    ¡°¡­ Yes. I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°Good. Dinner¡¯s almost ready. I guess you¡¯d prefer to eat alone in the guest room?¡±


    ¡°Please.¡±


    ¡°No problem. I¡¯ll leave your plate in there. Just put it in front of the door when you¡¯re finished.¡±


    ¡°¡­thanks.¡±


    ¡°No need to thank me, I¡¯m only doing it because I want to.¡±


    ¡°... Did¡­ Yasmin left?¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­ She said she forgot something she had to do at home.¡±


    ¡°I see¡­ sorry.¡±


    ¡°For what?¡±


    ¡°For only causing you trouble.¡±


    ¡°I told you, that¡¯s not a problem. I think I like getting into trouble, especially with girls apparently.¡±


    ¡°¡­sorry.¡±


    ¡°Oh! Not you too!? Just stop apologising already. It makes me feel bad.¡±


    ¡°But I broke your nose.¡±


    ¡°It was only a crack.¡±


    ¡°And your leg.¡±


    ¡°It was already broken.¡±


    ¡°And your thumb.¡±


    ¡°The door did.¡±


    ¡°And attacked you with a stun gun.¡±


    ¡°That was self-defence.¡±


    ¡°And a fork.¡±


    ¡°Nobody got hurt.¡±


    ¡°And-¡±


    ¡°Look, even if you continue listing everything you did to me for the whole day, you¡¯ll never come close to what I¡¯ve suffered for years at Yasmin¡¯s hands, so just stop.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Good¡­ Haha. If I¡¯d know all I needed to talk to you normally was a bathroom door, I would have taken one to school earlier.¡±


    ¡°Please don¡¯t do that.¡±


    ¡°That was a joke.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­oh.¡±


    Not much of a sense of humour, has she?


    ¡°So it¡¯s really a problem with talking to people face to face?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    *sigh* ¡°I get it. I won¡¯t pry if you don¡¯t want to talk.¡±


    For now. I¡¯m not done with you deary.


    ¡°¡­thanks.¡±


    ¡°Right. I¡¯ll ju-¡±


    A faint unpleasant smell suddenly caught his attention.


    ¡°FUCK!!¡±


    And he rushed back to the kitchen.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The next morning was Saturday, and Nicolas woke up around half past six. He had no alarm clock in his bedroom, but his biological one was merciless. He always woke up early when he had gotten into bed at a decent hour, regardless if he had to go to school or not.


    Yawning and scratching his butt, he got into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, emptied his bladder and then went to open the door to McLeon, who rushed straight to the kitchen as usual.


    Nicolas slowly hobbled behind the hungry tomcat, but stopped when he noticed a small piece of paper on the table, covered in a neat handwriting that obviously wasn¡¯t his own.


    ¡°What? Who...¡±


    Then realisation struck him.


    ¡°Right! Eva!¡±


    He grabbed the paper, looked at it, swore, switched the lights on, and looked again.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I took your friend¡¯s clothes with me. I will return them washed on Monday. They will be in a red bag on the usual table in the Library.


    Sorry again for the trouble.


    Eva.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Nicolas grinned.


    What a weird girl¡­


    ¨C *** ¨C


    He was still grinning an hour later as he sat down on his W-Chair.


    ¡­ I wonder if I she plays?


    ¡°Hahahaha¡­ I¡¯d so get killed¡­ But that might be fun¡­ Hahaha¡­*sigh* Hahaaa... Untold Tales. Log In.¡±


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C


    <1> Yes, this is only one sentence. Don¡¯t ask why. I wouldn¡¯t know what to answer.


    <2> Ah¡­ classics¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <3> For those who might not be well informed about J.K. Rowling¡¯s work ¨C It happens. ¨C, I¡¯ll just say dementors aren¡¯t very good kissers, since they tend to suck your soul out and all¡­


    <4> The chaos theory is a field in mathematics that studies the behaviour of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions. In other word, that¡¯s the cool name of the ¡°Butterfly Effect¡±.


    <5> Masochism¡­ because a broken rib hurt less than a broken heart¡­ Except of the rib punctures said metaphorically used organ¡­ in which case you die¡­ But, like the saying goes ¡°Nothing ventured¡­¡±


    <hr />


    So, there¡¯s a new chapter. The longest as of now, but I stopped really worrying about the word-count and just write what I want to.


    Please tell me what you think about it, if you think the characters are good or not, if something bothers you, if I should just drop the story and make McLeon the MC, whatever goes through your mind.


    As always, thank you for reading and see you next chapter.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.22 – Look what the cat dragged in!

    Chapter 22 ¨C Look what the cat dragged in!


    ¡°Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?¡±


    ¡°That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,¡± said the Cat.


    ¡°I don¡¯t much care where--¡± said Alice.


    ¡°Then it doesn¡¯t matter which way you go,¡± said the Cat.


    ¡°--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,¡± Alice added as an explanation.


    ¡°Oh, you¡¯re sure to do that,¡± said the Cat, ¡°if you only walk long enough.¡±


    ¨C Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland.


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C


    Ah, dungeons¡­


    Emblematic symbols of any decent fantasy universe, along with the mighty dragons, there was no adventurer who didn¡¯t dream of obtaining ludicrous richness in the depths of these successions of rooms and floors filled with traps and belligerent monsters conveniently disposed in order of increasing strength.


    Once inducers of dread, as it befitted to the lairs of Evil, many dungeons had long since lost their terrifyingness. The advent of the adventurers, crazy immortal beings with understandably little to no fear of death, had especially contributed to the shift in perception in the eyes of the inhabitants of Pandore.


    A whole new commerce was born around these new socioeconomical hot spots, with of course the undying adventurers as its main suppliers. Rare ingredients, ancient relics, gemstones, mana crystals, lost mystical scriptures, spell parchments, maps, pelts, fangs, bones, armours, weapons, robes, meals, potions, accessories and even souvenirs were bought and sold in the inns, smithies, alchemist¡¯s, herbalist¡¯s and tailor¡¯s shops, trinket traders and other shady back-alley dealers. For a town nowadays, having a famous dungeon nearby had become a gage of prosperity.


    Located in the north of the Tame Zone, near the border of the Kingdom of Firstland, the [Zenith Cave] was one of the numerous places that could be classified as the aforementioned structure.


    Despite its relatively recent discovery, and although the monsters found inside were somewhat weak for the area, this specific maze had already gathered quite a bit of fame. It had even gained the widespread nickname ¡°Teleport Dugdeon¡± due to the peculiar magical circles scattered all over its dark tunnels. Indeed, with one wrong step in the [Zenith Cave], the careless explorer could suddenly find themselves anywhere on the Pandore Continent.


    Well, the teleportation itself was harmless enough.


    It was the welcoming committee that usually posed problem.


    Rumours had it that the famous and eccentric Wandering Knight, Elric Walker, used to visit the [Zenith Cave] every so often to voluntarily get transported Chaos knows where ¨C and He certainly did ¨C before he disappeared, roughly four months ago.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    In the last cavern of the underground labyrinth, a party of nine was currently facing the [Swordsmage Golem ¡°Claymore¡±], boss of the [Zenith Cave].


    Unable to get a decent map, the group had needed two long weeks to reach Claymore. Those fifteen days had been especially hard for the tank of the party, a two-metre tall Shield Bearer in full-body armour and bearing ¨C of course ¨C a huge tower shield.


    [Shield Bearer] was, as of now, the most defence-oriented class known to players, a living fortress, not devoid of agility, but with an attack power that made halfling Bards seem threatening in comparison. As such, the class couldn¡¯t do much on its own ¨C except not dying, which was already not that bad ¨C but would prove invaluable for any party if used correctly.


    However, despite being a virtually unkillable mountain of muscles clad in metal, this particular Shield Bearer was now reaching the breaking point.


    Oh, not because of the innumerable hits taken, the constant vigilance required, nor the heavy equipment. Those came with the job, so no complain. No. The problem laid somewhere else¡­


    *SLASH*


    ¡°Meat Shield! Carful! That almost hit me!¡±


    ¡°Oh! Meat Shield! Cover me!¡±


    ¡°God! Can¡¯t you do anything properly, Meat Shield?!¡±


    *BAM*


    ¡°Lancelot, to your left! Richard, take the centre! Gallant, the acid spell! MEAT SHIELD!! HOLD FOR HEAVEN¡¯S SAKE!! Don¡¯t tell you¡¯ve problems dealing with this little rock puppet? Whose fault do you think it is we had to delay the boss fight?!¡±


    Then why don¡¯t you take its blows yourself, bitch?! And I have a name dammit!!


    What was wearing down the tank¡¯s patience and composure, more than the monsters, were the other players in the party.


    Despite the fact none of them had endured more than a flesh wound, all thanks to the abnormally efficient Shield Bearer, they persisted in their condescending tone and endless insults. Truthfully, calling those arrogant bastards ¡°ungrateful¡± would have been an insult to Selfishness Itself, given such a divinity existed.


    *RUMBLE*


    ¡°HIIIIII!!¡±


    ¡°Hoy! Useless slowpoke! Cover Viviane!¡±


    She¡¯s fine! Damn! Can¡¯t you even read the battle properly? That obvious that the next attack won¡¯t come before four point six seconds! The swordsman should¡­ But it¡¯s not like they would listen to me, would they? They never do. If I didn¡¯t swear myself to always finish a job taken I¡¯d¡­ Why did I even agree to fill in for their sick Warden again? Right¡­ I got tricked by that bitch¡­ Damn, just because she was giving me the look, I just¡­ Me and my- AH! Not there you idiotic Archer! DAMN! Does this Enchantress intend to sacrifice the whole party? ¡­ She probably does. And I bet those morons are so smitten with the bitch they wouldn¡¯t even complain.


    Although this group¡¯s behaviour was especially bad, it wasn¡¯t like such disdain was uncommon. The root of the issue was that many newbie players chose characters with high defence simply to avoid death and its subsequent penalty, without actually knowing what to do with their stats.  All those self-proclaimed incompetent ¡°tanks¡± had ended up the defensive playstyle a bad reputation as a whole.


    Experienced adventurers of course knew how to appreciate a good tank, but, even then, most of these veterans already had fully functional parties, which left almost no other options than joining lesser groups or temporarily taking a vacant spot like it was the case here.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After an entire hour of a uselessly long battle, the [Swordsmage Golem ¡°Claymore¡±] was finally on its rocky knees. All the party had left to do was to deal the finishing blow, take their reward, and then get out of the cave.


    However¡­


    ¡°RRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!¡±


    Claymore suddenly crossed its twin¡­ well¡­ claymores over its boulder-like head, and thousands of small rocks came flying from all over the cavern to agglomerate in a huge mass before the boss.


    [Rock Canon]¡­ But for it to be this large¡­ It must be a special variant. This is dangerous. I must-


    ¡°What?!¡±


    Wishing to rush at Claymore to break its stance, and thus stop the forming attack, the Shield Bearer was surprisingly unable to move, entangled by thick bluish vines covered in thorns.


    [Brambles Cage]? But how¡­ That BITCH!!


    The leader of the party, now affectionately nicknamed ¡°that bitch¡±, was a beautiful Enchantress going by the name Morgan.


    Among the common mage classes, [Enchanter] was one dedicated to support. Their role was to cast magic from the sidelines to increase their allies¡¯ efficiency, but in a different way than the Priest¡¯s and Bard¡¯s buffs did, and [Brambles Cage] was one of the basic binding spells they had, which left very little doubt on the identity of the culprit.


    Moreover, not even trying to hide what she just did, Morgan was currently standing at a distance, amicably waving goodbye, with Gallant the Mage flashing a mean smile beside her.


    Having been very conscientious during the whole fight, the tank had of course all the aggro and thus all of Claymore¡¯s attention. The Golem was so focused in fact, that it didn¡¯t even notice Richard the Swordsman running at it from the side and arming his finishing skill.


    As the last blow was finally dealt, the boss fired the boosted [Rock Canon].


    Unable to take a step out of the trajectory of the giant boulder, the Shield Bearer prepared for the impact, hammering the tower shield in the ground, refusing to go down, if only to erase that smug smirk off the party¡¯ faces.


    ¡°[Last Stand]!¡±


    [Last Stand], a last resort skill that consumed half of the player¡¯s maximum health points in exchange for a few seconds of total invulnerability. A unique chance to survive a one-shot attack.


    *SLAM*


    The propelled boulder crashed with the power of a charging [Minotaur] ¨C that means a lot ¨C against the shield, which bent and broke under the pressure, and the tall tank¡¯s armoured body was sent flying against the wall of the cave in a thundering noise, then slid to the ground.


    *pant* *pant* *pant*


    Morgan¡¯s eyes widened in shock seeing her sacrificial pawn still breathing after taking such a blow.


    No¡­ more than breathing¡­ already standing up.


    What do you say of this, bitch?! Didn¡¯t expected that, did you?


    ¡°YOU BITCH!!! I WILL KI-¡±


    *shwe¡­.


    Morgan¡¯s smile returned.


    ¡­eeeeep*


    A bright light flashed, and everything went blank.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    A blink of an eye latter, the whiteness was abruptly replaced by a swirling dizzying rainbow-coloured maelstrom.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Where the hell is this?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡­uh?


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I can¡¯t talk?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Oh, no, you can¡¯t. I like my quieticism, you see.¡±


    A voice suddenly resounded in the maelstrom, coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, a strange voice, like every word was pronounced by a different person, yet all holding the same underlying tone of malicious playfulness.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Who are you?!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Who am I? That¡¯s the great puzzle isn¡¯t it? I couldn¡¯t answer you, for I am not myself.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    What kind of nonsense are you spouting?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Nonsense¡­ What a nonsensical concept. Doesn¡¯t the sense one makes depend on what that person¡¯s concept of no-nonsense is?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Tsk. Whatever. Is there any question you can ask without talking gibberish?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Mmmh¡­ Well¡­ I am what you mortals and adventurers call the Great Entropy, the Final Irony, the Primordial Disorder, Chaos, pick one. I don¡¯t really care.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    One of the Great Gods? Wait¡­ Now you¡¯re telling me who you are?!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Who did?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°When?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    JUST NOW!!!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Did I?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    AAAAAAH!! *sigh* I don¡¯t have time for this. I have a bitch to kill. Where is this place?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°But My home of course.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    And how did I get here?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°You kind of stepped on a random teleportation circle and I kind of hijacked your random teleportation.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You can do that?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Well, random is My domain I suppose.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I guess it makes sense.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Rutabaga.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I don¡¯t even want to ask¡­ Am I right to think one of the two Great Gods didn¡¯t just drag little me here on a whim? Or did you?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Well, I was kind of hoping you¡¯d help a friend.¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Quest: Chaos¡¯ Very Vague Request


    The higher being known as Chaos requests your help in helping an unnamed friend. This is suspicious. Running away is advisable. Unless you are floating in mid-air surrounded by a rainbow maelstrom in the heart of the god¡¯s realm, in which case you are screwed.


    But you can still refuse¡­ maybe?


    Difficulty Unknown


    Success  Condition:


    Saving Chaos¡¯ friend.


    Failure  Condition:


    You die.


    Consequences:


    Upon Success:


    - Chaos¡¯ gratitude... something you really do not want.


    - Rewarded with whatever Chaos¡¯ friend wishes to give you.


    Upon Failure:


    - Dying¡­ duh!


    <hr />


    - Do you accept? -


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I refuse.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have refuesed the quest ¡°Chaos¡¯ Very Vague Request¡±.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    No shit¡­


    ¡°Hoho¡­ Such straightforward answer. May I know why?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Because accepting a request form the God of Chaos seems like a dangerous idea, and I have already filled my quota of bad decision this week. Plus I still have a bitch to kill.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ Do you really think you¡¯d be able to beat their whole party all alone? In one on one, okay, but being outnumbered isn¡¯t really at your advantage. What if I tell you I could help? I just want a little service in return¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I¡¯ll find a way. Accepting your help sounds like making a deal with the Devil.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°The Devil¡­ Haha¡­ I¡¯ve been called that. But that¡¯s just because people don¡¯t know how to appreciate a good gift.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    My answer is still no. You might be a god, but why would I trust someone who doesn¡¯t even show their face?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°You¡¯ re a careful one aren¡¯t you¡­ Well, it¡¯s not like I really have a¡­ but¡­ Why not.¡±


    The twirling rainbow froze, and the scenery abruptly switched to an endless meadow blown over by a gentle breeze. Two metres away, as to contradict the peaceful surroundings, a sinister hooded man was sitting on a wooden chair. His face was impossible to make out, and he was slowly stroking a fat purple stripped cat sitting on his lap.


    Another chair was facing him, in which the Shield Bearer in turn sat.


    ¡°Better? Nyaa~¡±


    It was the cat that talked, in a high-pitched yet somehow British voice.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I guess I shouldn¡¯t be surprised. Calling Yourself Chaos seems credible at least.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Nyahahahaha¡­ So, about my request? Nyaa~¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You still have given me no reason to accept. Besides, why would a god need me for? Can¡¯t you just help that friend of yours yourself?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°That would be no fu- against the rules. Nyaa~¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You slipped.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Well, that would still be against the rules. Nyaa~ The gods can¡¯t just do as they please with the mortal world. Nyaa~¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Aren¡¯t you the Great Chaos? What do you care about rules?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Rutabaganyaa?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    YOU JUST DON¡¯T WANT TO DO IT DO YOU?!?!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Nyahahaha¡­ I have my reasons. Nyaa~ Besides, that¡¯s the whole point of being the Chaos. Contrary to Order, who must follow the rules, I can either not follow them or¡­ Nyaa~ ¡­  not not follow them!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Still, that¡¯s a no.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Nyaa~ That¡¯s a shame. I really thought you were a perfect fit to help my friend. Nyaaaaa~ What am I supposed to say to my cute little Victoria nyaow?¡±


    ¡­


    ¡°I bet she would have been grateful too. Nyaa~ She¡¯s such a good girl. And powerful too. Nyaa~ But a bit gullible I fear, she¡¯s just too trusting of strangers. Actually, she wouldn¡¯t be in this mess if she had been a bit more doubtful. Nyaa~¡±


    ¡­


    ¡°Nyah¡­ I really wonder what I shou-¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Is she really that cut- powerful?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°That¡¯s a nyes. To both your questions. Nyaa~¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I-I don¡¯t know what you mean.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°And I¡¯m positive she doesn¡¯t have anyaone she likes right nyaow.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Like I said, I have no idea what you¡¯re talking about. So, what kind of problem does this cu- your friend have?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Oh¡­ She¡¯s an idiot. She got cursed and locked in a tower after listening to the promises of a suspicious old man. Nyaa~¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    So¡­ It¡¯s a case of a beauty in a tower?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Precisely. Creepy castle, tall tower, top room, dragon, the whole package. She¡¯s a princess too.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Isn¡¯t this a bit stereotypical?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°There are cookie-addict [Dullahan] too.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I shouldn¡¯t have asked.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°So you¡¯re in? Nyaa~¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Quest: Chaos¡¯ Request


    The God of Chaos requests that you help His cute  and powerful friend, Princess Victoria, who got trapped in a tower due to her own carelessness.


    Difficulty Unknown


    Success  Conditions:


    Saving Victoria.


    Failure  Conditions:


    You die¡­ that didn¡¯t change.


    Consequences:


    Upon Success:


    - Chaos¡¯ gratitude... you still do not want that.


    - Additional rewards from Victoria.


    Upon Failure:


    - Dying.


    <hr />


    - Do you accept? -


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Well, why not. I can¡¯t get my revenge right now anyway. Besides, it¡¯s not like it¡¯s really that urgent. I should have seen it coming, so I can only blame myself. Logically thinking, there was a high probability of me being betrayed during that job. I¡¯m in.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have accepted the quest ¡°Chaos¡¯ Request¡±.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°You knyaow, I don¡¯t really like you.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Where did that come from?!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°You broke your shield, right? Nyaa~ I¡¯ll give you one I had in stock¡­ It will fit you perfectly. Nyaa~ Done. It¡¯s in your [Inventory]. Nyaa~¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Wait, don¡¯t simply brush off what you just said!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    The cat began swaying its tail left and right while looking at the sky.


    ¡°? Twas Brillig ? And the slithy toves ? Did gyre and gimble in the wabe ? ¡­ Byebye ¡­ ? All mimsy were the borogoves ?And the mome raths outgrabe ? ¡­ Oh! I restored your health but¡­ Well¡­ Careful with the landing. The fall is a bit long.¡±<1>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    What do you bean by-


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    The chairs and the meadow suddenly disappeared, revealing a vast forest far below, surrounded by green faintly glowing cliff coated in rainbow light.


    ¡°faaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa¡­¡±


    In the arms of the suspicious character, standing in the air like on solid ground, the cat waved his paw goodbye, then a gust of wind brushed the man¡¯s hood off, revealing the faceless head of a wooden puppet, and the pair burst into a rain of flower petals and flaming doves.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Under a hole in the dark green canopy, at the end pf a downward trail of broken branches, a tall armoured human was laying in the middle of a crater, strangely unscathed.


    ¡°Damn that troll god! If you were going to make a [Air Cushion], just teleport me on the freaking ground!!¡±


    Mumbling and cursing, the Shield Bearer got back up and readily checked Chaos¡¯ ¡°gift¡±, hoping it wouldn¡¯t be something totally useless.


    ¡°Wha¡­¡±


    Is was a shield alright¡­ a huge ominous pitch-black shield oozing faint red miasma and carved with a smiling skull which had lifelike snakes as hair.


    ¡°Fit me perfectly? That bastard¡­ Why did he say he didn¡¯t like me? WHY PICK ME TOO HELP YOUR FRIEND THEN?!?! IS IT JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE TO BE CONTRADICTORY?!¡­ Tsk. I hope that girl really is cute¡­ Well, this skull does look rather cool¡­¡±


    *ruffle* *ruffle*


    ¡°Grrrr¡­¡±


    On second thought, screaming in the middle of an unknown forest wasn¡¯t the brightest thing to do. Damn this god who makes me do stupid things¡­


    Three [Spectral Wolf] had emerged from the dense vegetation surrounding the crater. Immediately, the lone tank equipped the scary looking shield and took a stance to face the oncoming enemies, already evaluation the probability of winning with almost not attack power.


    [Spectral Wolf] I guess. Three. Probably around 130. I can manage an approximate 40 levels gap, but that going to be tough.


    However, upon seeing the shield, the three wolfs suddenly froze.


    ¡°Oh¡­ That¡¯s¡­¡±


    Then the beast started moving again.


    Well, complete petrification would have been too much of cheat I guess. But I can use this.


    A grin spread on the shield-wielding warrior¡¯s face.


    ¡°Come at me, puppies¡­¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    In the tallest tower of a cursed castle surrounded by monster-filled woods, a solitary albinos bat was nimbly flying up a staircase, regularly letting out a barely audible screech.


    Contrary to the popular belief, bat weren¡¯t blind, it was just that most species had poor eyesight adapted to night vision. Bright light could impair them, but they still were well able to see. As such, the echolocation this one was currently using wasn¡¯t really necessary, but this particular bat liked to practice.


    Reaching a thin blood red veil, the tiny flying mammal agilely slipped through a gap and glided in direction of a large four poster bed in the centre of a dichromatic chamber.


    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    However, halfway to her target, the face of the bat suddenly twitched and her limbs abruptly started to elongate. A lightning-fast transformation later, a naked white-haired young woman was in place of the animal, comically flapping her arms in mid-air for a couple heartbeats, before gravity took back its rights and threw the fair lady on the floor.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 42 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Face in the carpet, she mumbled:


    ¡°Damn¡­ morning already¡­ miscalculated¡­¡±


    Being only half of a vampire, Victoria could only maintain her bat-form at night, something that probably had more to do with the position of the moon and stars than the lack of light itself, since it was always dark in Nowhere.


    She rolled on the ground and gave an accusing look to the ring slipped on the middle finger of her left hand.


    ¡°Minus forty-two for falling from a metre high? That¡¯s a bit too much don¡¯t you think, Calamity-chan?¡±


    The ring that Elric had once picked up after defeating the [Soul Dragon of the Abyss ¡°Kalameet¡±] was actually what one could call a ¡°junk item¡±. Called the [Calamity Ring], its only effect was to double any damage taken by the wearer.


    Pretty useless, but good to raise the [Endurance] stat.


    She just needed to remember to remove it when leaving the tower and its non-penalty-death policy.


    How she had been able to know of the ¡°power¡± of the accessory was thanks to her [Hereditary Memory] trait.


    She wasn¡¯t sure if it was an ability all vampires possessed or something specific to Seras herself. The trait worked similarly to the [Identification] skill, but only with items the Princess or her ancestors had had knowledge on. Although not without limits, this was still pretty broken given that one would normally need to level up various professions like [Tailoring] or [Blacksmithing] to be able to identify items related to said professions.


    Incidentally, after thoroughly going through all the red tomes, the current Victoria was pretty certain that Seras¡¯ ¡°vampirisation¡± hadn¡¯t been due to some kind of curse, nor infection. It was pretty clear when reading between the lines of Ambrose¡¯s autobiography and the mindless scribbles of her predecessors. More precisely, when filling the inconsistencies in Ambrose¡¯s tale with what transpired through the madness.


    Most likely, vampires had once been a sentient race, and not only the degenerated [Ghouls] that could be found nowadays. A race proficient in both Blood and Soul magic. On a guess, Victoria would say there had been such a vampire somewhere up Seras¡¯ ancestry, the same that had taught house Corbin about Necromancy.


    Somehow, this ¡°little detail¡± had been lost in History, resulting in an incoherent blur as to where the Corbins¡¯ powers came from, as well as a catastrophic misunderstanding when, for some unclear reasons, this heritage had suddenly awoken in the Erwynian Princess, two thousand years ago.


    But, thanks probably to an unconscious use of the [Hereditary Memory], some of the ¡°Victorias¡± throughout the ages accessed this information and wrote about it without thinking.


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s not like I have any proof¡­ But now I know what to do as soon as I leave this place: search for the vampires! If I can somehow turn back into one even after breaking the curse, that¡¯d be great! I mean, being a vampire is so much fun! I¡¯d be on board even if only for flying and¡­¡±


    Leaving her sentenced unfinished, she delicately waved towards a round wooden archery target hanging from the wardrobe. At her gesture, five ruby-like opaque spikes embedded in the wood jumped out and flew towards her hand.


    *thud*


    Victoria looked at the four darts hovering over her fingers, then lowered her frowned gaze to the one laying on the carpet.


    ¡°Well, I guess this one is worn.¡±


    [Hematokinesis (Higher)] enabled her to manipulate blood at will, to change its shape, and even to solidify it in a gem-like state. The result was still quite brittle, but at least sharp and resistant enough to pierce trough flesh, as she had painfully confirmed by impaling herself the first time she tried to propel a makeshift spear with the power of her mind.


    She again wasn¡¯t totally sure of the extent of her power over blood, since UT¡¯s skills descriptions were always very vague and cryptic, filling themselves as the player discovered new applications. In fact, the easiest way to unlock the full potential of a skill was to study with a master, but, without that option ¨C Seras¡¯ spirit was in no state of teaching whatever she might know ¨C, Victoria had to proceed by trial and error.


    A very unadvisable method when it came to supernatural powers.


    The first time she tried to manipulate her own blood, she actually blew up her hands and had to commit suicide by throwing herself down the stairs.


    One thing she was quite convinced of though, was that she could only use [Hematokinesis] ¨C she had no idea about the ¡°Higher¡± part ¨C with her own life fluid.


    There hadn¡¯t been any opportunity to test her theory, but that would have explained why she lost control over the blood if she played with it too much, like that dart earlier. Probably it was infused with her mana while within her body and that energy would wear out as she used the skill, which would also explain why the [Hematokinesis] didn¡¯t cost any mana despite being obviously magical.


    With a slight mental push, the four obedient shards flew back to the wooden target, were they stuck themselves as the vertices of a perfect square.


    Her control over large quantities of blood was still a bit haphazard, but something like those big needles didn¡¯t pose any problem.


    She then picked up the useless fifth one and threw it through the window. Sparkles flickered in the air when it crossed the frame, but nothing else happened.


    ¡°I wonder why my blood can pass through the barrier, but I can¡¯t¡­ Well, I guess it has to do with Soul Magic again. Now, now... That bat form is pretty fun to use, but¡­¡±


    Looking down at her naked self, she sighed. Actually, she could have just used the in-game functionalities to instantaneously equip and unequip her dress, but, with the exception of cumbersome armours, Elric had always preferred to put his clothes on by himself, rather than to have them instantaneously appear on his body. After turning into Victoria, that still didn¡¯t change.


    Her fingers slowly slid up along her perfect figure, enjoying her natural beauty empowered by the [Ageless] and [Charm] traits, and stopped between her breasts where the tear-shaped red gem, given by the Elder, should have been.


    Upon logging back in for the first time after her transformation, she hadn¡¯t been able to find the jewel anywhere. She couldn¡¯t figure out what happened to it, and only hoped it wasn¡¯t again some sort of scam by the old crook.


    She still remembered that time Elric had bought a sword from a peddler, only to find it missing the next morning. As the Wandering Knight had found out after ¡°meeting up¡± with the merchant, it had actually been a magic sword which would go back to its sheath if separated from it for more than a day.


    After that incident, he had used the sword ¨C finding its ability very convenient given his tendency to lose things ¨C until he had laid his hands on his regenerative blade. The [Boomerang Sword] was currently piling up dust in Horizon¡¯s Safe.


    ¡°I probably should get it back¡­¡±


    She made her way to the wardrobe, and took out one of the numerous identical white garment and a set of self-tailored underwear.


    Concerning the bra and panties, she was quite proud of the results. Although the cloth she had cut out of the dresses was a bit see-through, it wasn¡¯t very noticeable against her pale skin. Besides, at least that way, her undergarment weren¡¯t visible though her light white dress. The contrary would have been plain vulgar.


    She was a lady, dammit!


    Properly dressed, she sat down on the bed and grabbed the magic crystal cup on the table, which instantaneously filled with a thick red liquid. She drank the whole content in a single gulp.


    And her face distorted in an expression of pure disgust.


    ¡°Pwuuuuaah¡­ No wonder Seras lost it after drinking this for ten years. This fake blood tastes like curdled milk mixed with cranberry juice.¡±


    Being half-vampire, she could ingest normal food, but nevertheless needed a regular blood intake to fill her [Thirst] bar, which had appeared next to the [Satiety] one. Since she hadn¡¯t eaten anything for the past four months, the latter had long since hit rock bottom, but her body could apparently still go on as long as the [Thirst] bar wasn¡¯t empty. That didn¡¯t stop hunger from tormenting her day and night though.


    Well, she actually managed to level up her [Survival] skill thanks to that, so she made the best of a bad meal, so to speak.


    If both bars were to fall empty at the same time, then she would die.


    Probably¡­


    She had never managed to actually test it. No matter how disgusting the pseudo-blood tasted, it was like trying to dehydrate herself to death next to a bucket of muddy water. She always ended up giving in at some point.


    She also had no idea what would happen if she became low on [Thirst] while her [Satiety] was still good. However, without any way of knowing, she had tucked the question in a corner of her brain until an occasion of testing it out presented itself.


    By the way, drinking her own blood had no effect whatsoever, and it just tasted like normal blood to her.


    ¡°Well, a girl has to do what she has to do to survive, doesn¡¯t she?¡±


    Resisting to the urge of making herself vomit what she just drank, Victoria let herself fall back on the fluffy bedding, rolled about for a couple minutes, playing with the pillows, and then gestured nonchalantly in direction of the cheval glass, like a lethargic hikikomori reaching for the remote control.  Her own reflection progressively faded away, replaced by two familiar green creatures moving in the dark in an odd jerky manner.


    ¡°What the¡­ oh NO!! Damn you mirror! Switch to something else!! I didn¡¯t subscribe to the Goblin X Channel!¡±


    Incoherently waving her hands, she managed to change the image from Ru and Mia¡¯s sex life to a monstrosity merrily bubbling in a corner of the forest.


    ¡°Eeeh¡­ This guy is carefree as usual¡­¡±


    After weeks of observation, it became obvious that the hideous Spawn of Chaos wasn¡¯t really aggressive. In fact, as one could expect, its actions were just extremely random. Being the strongest creature around, the other monsters usually left it alone, and the deformed existence spent most of its days wandering the valley, making bubbles, sleeping or eating whatever he felt like. The thing was apparently omnivorous.


    ¡°Well, this is all well and good, but how¡¯s my latest candidate Prince Charming doing? Mirror Mirror on the carpet, did I once again win my bet?¡±


    The living Picasso blurred and was replace by the figure of a blood covered knight pushing open the door to a familiar torch-lit corridor.


    Victoria¡¯s eyes widened in surprise and she let out an appreciative whistle.


    ¡°Oh-oh¡­ He actually made it that far? Maybe I will lose today? Although whichever the result, betting against myself doesn¡¯t reap good profits. On the other hand, it don¡¯t lose much either. Well, in the end, it¡¯s just getting boring.¡±


    Prone on her bed, her chin rested on her fists, she excitedly kicked the air with her feet, deploring for the umpteenth time the lack of popcorn as she commented the fight between the knight and the two undead guardians.


    ¡°Aaaaand this is a nice block by our challenger! The blows are raining both ways ladies and gentlemen! But will he be able to fend off the famous double slash of the current champion Headison? No¡­ no¡­ YESSS!! That¡¯s a magnificent technical action we just saw there! I am quite impressed myself!¡±


    As the coach of the Dark team, any thoughts Princess Seras? ¡­ KILL HIM HEADISON!!! ...  Hola! Princess, you¡¯re quite reactive today, aren¡¯t you? ¡­ butchery ¡­ bath in the blood of their unborn child ¡­ blood ¡­ blood ¡­  I shouldn¡¯t have asked¡­


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    The battle between the unknown knight ¨C unfortunately, the mirror didn¡¯t transmit sound ¨C and the [Dullahan] pair actually continued for a good half-an-hour, before ending on an unexpected result¡­


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ I think the public is a stunned as me¡­ I¡­ I¡­ cannot find the word to describe what I just witnessed, Patrick.¡±


    Seras, an insightful comment? ¡­ kiss of death ¡­ cold ¡­ disappointing match ¡­ destroy their souls ¡­ refund ¡­ not a monster ¡­ not a monster ¡­ good girl ¡­.


    ¡°My thoughts exactly¡­¡±


    After surprisingly succeeding in slaying Headison, the knight had then had to fight an enraged Tazius. Despite a gruesome injury, the man had somehow managed to hold his ground for some time, until stupidly slipping in a puddle of his own blood and getting smashed by the undead¡¯s mace.


    May it be dumb luck, but the corpse of the defeated challenger, struck by Tazius full force, had flown across the hall, and the sword he was still holding even in death had ended up impaling the Big Guy¡¯s head that was laying in a corner.


    Truly an unexpected draw¡­ and a quite idiotic-looking one too.


    ¡°Well¡­ I guess that means again waiting for the next one. He should probably show up in a couple hours at most. Now I guess I¡¯ll go play chess or something.¡±


    Up for a game, Seras? ¡­ blood ¡­


    *sigh*


    Resigned to his lodger¡¯s uncooperative nature, Victoria gestured to turn off the magic screen.


    ¡°Well, against myself it is. Where did I pu- The fuck!?¡±


    As her reflection slowly replaced the bloody aftermath of the fight, the bewildered Princess caught glimpse of movement in the corridor that now should only house motionless death.


    ¡°Back on! Back on, you stupid cheval!!¡±


    The blurry image cleared, revealing that someone was indeed walking down the corridor towards the three corpses. Wearing a worn and unadorned thick grey full-body armour, the mysterious guest was also carrying a huge spooky black shield. The set look awfully heavy, yet he was carrying it with ease.


    ¡°Just what is his strength? No, more importantly¡­ Where did that guy come from?!¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Following the knight had been a good idea.


    Still mentally tired from the [Zenith Cave], the weary Shield Bearer had nevertheless managed to cross the [Forgotten Valley of Nowhere] in a single day, mostly running away from monsters after temporarily stunning them with the shield. Thankfully, [Bluerose Castle] hadn¡¯t been that far.


    However, as a tank without a damage dealer, conquering a high-level dungeon all alone was beyond hopeless. True, squashing a few [Lesser Zombie] wasn¡¯t that hard, but things like a [Skeleton Lancer] or [Skeleton Mage] with their longer range or a [Corrosive Decaying Salamander] with its acid breath were something else entirely. Moreover, if surrounded by legions of undead with no escape, the monsters certainly wouldn¡¯t have been the ones to tire first.


    Because¡­ well¡­ undead just don¡¯t get tired.


    Then, the knight had appeared, rushing past and mowing down undead without looking at anything else, apparently sure of the way he was going.


    Well, that Chaos said to give a hand to his friend, not that I actually had to kill all the monsters myself.


    With that thought in mind, the human fortress had discreetly followed in the path of corpses, eventually witnessing the battle with the two [Dullahan], and the weird draw that concluded it.


    Now, given the look of the metal door that the headless monsters had been guarding, all was left was probably the boss.


    Two bosses in two days¡­ Didn¡¯t that guy say something about a dragon? I just hope Princess Victoria won¡¯t mind me taking the easy route. Sorry Mr Knight.


    It did feel a bit like stealing someone else¡¯s hard work, which wasn¡¯t a very good feeling, but since this was the Great God¡¯s fault in the first place, any remorse died out as soon as it was born.


    The knight¡¯s body didn¡¯t hold any value since dead adventurer couldn¡¯t be looted without a special skill, and the sword he had dropped was useless for a defence oriented player, but the two other corpses were thoroughly searched.


    As expected, the key was on the slimmer one.


    With a last uncomfortable look at the unwittingly helpful man, who was laying dead in a weird posture with a stunned head skewered on his sword, the Shield Bearer shrugged and entered the last room.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Sitting on the edge of the bed, Victoria was staring at her mirror with eyes as wide as saucers, not losing a drop of the impossible scene that was unfolding before her eyes.


    ¡°How is he even doing this? That¡¯s amazing¡­¡±


    After seeing this newcomer sneakily plunder the already defeated Cookie Duo, she had been both surprised and vaguely pissed. Well, following stronger players in dungeons and levelling of their leftovers was sadly not that uncommon, but Elric had always found it petty.


    However, when the guy actually entered Kalameet¡¯s turf, Victoria¡¯s annoyance had turned into complete puzzlement. Given his equipment, she gathered he was some kind of heavily defensive player, so it made no sense for him to go fight a boss on his own.


    Of course, Victoria didn¡¯t share the general disdain towards tanks, but fighting a boss without attack power was something even the eccentric she considered barely possible.


    And the opponent was a freaking dragon! There was no almost no way he made it.


    ¡°No way¡­ right¡­ Then what exactly am I watching?¡±


    Judging form Kalameet¡¯s movement pattern, the [Soul Dragon of the Abyss] was already down at least half his health, while its opponent, if slightly exhausted, didn¡¯t look like he was hurt at all.


    That wasn¡¯t true, of course, Victoria had seen for herself the supposed tank gulp down several health potions, clear sign that Kalameet¡¯s attacks, especially its [Soul Fire Breath], were effective.


    But then why wasn¡¯t that guy getting more careful?


    Well, she knew she wasn¡¯t really one to talk about being careful, but she felt something here was fundamentally different from her how mindlessness.


    The actions of this Spooky Shield were neither recklessness nor overconfidence, and were also unlike Elric¡¯s ¡°overfocus¡± mode which exacerbated his senses and made him run on pure instinct while banishing all distractions from his mind, no¡­ that was¡­ different¡­ somewhat cold¡­ efficient¡­ and fascinating.


    Every attack, every step, every defensive move was made with almost mechanical precision and, above all, a timing that was completely out of the scatterbrained Victoria¡¯s sense of reality.


    It was like this player knew exactly when to strike, where to strike and when to fall back to take the full advantage of his monstrous defence and deal the most damage with his puny attack power by always targeting the blind spots and recoil times of Kalameet with dead on accuracy.


    From Victoria¡¯s perspective, her who always had disregarded efficiency and thought-out planning as bothersome and unnecessary, that was like someone was forcefully opening her eyes on the wonders that could exist on the other extreme of the spectrum.


    And what her eyes saw was beauty.


    Like a dance¡­ not the tribal merciless dance of slaughter that was the specialty of Elric, but a freezing ballet of refined death that extinguished life bit after bit until only silence was left.


    If Elric had been the scorching sun, this was the patient moon.


    Victoria couldn¡¯t avert her eyes.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After four hours of what felt like a very slow and meticulous execution, Kalameet¡¯s materialized body finally dissipated in a fading mist.


    It took another couple minutes to Victoria to grasp the fight had ended.


    Blinking, she look around, surprised to find herself in her cosy bedchamber and not in the devastated throne room. Her eyes were sore from not even blinking for hours, in fear of missing even the slightest movement of the mysterious player who had showed up without a warning and upset her whole vision of the world.


    She inhaled slowly. She had been so tensed for the whole duration of the battle that she had forgotten to breath several times, probably only escaping death by asphyxia thanks to her half-undead condition.


    ¡°What¡­ This¡­ I¡­¡±


    ¡­ I want to talk to him¡­


    Then realisation dawned on her and she looked back at the mirror where no one could be seen anymore.


    ¡°Oh¡­ shit.¡±


    What do I do? What do I do? I¡¯m not ready! ¡­ die ¡­


    Vicotria¡¯s panicked eyes fell on the bed behind her.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *pant* *tap* *pant* *tap* *pant* *tap*


    Armours¡­ and stairs¡­ not a good mix. But I can¡¯t let my guard down just know. If that supposedly cute girl really is an acquaintance of that god, there¡¯s no saying what she will do.


    *pant* *tap* *pant* *tap*


    But that [Soul Dragon]¡­ I never saw a monster like this. I even had to go all out, and I barely made it. My whole stock of potions is gone too. Damn. And all those undead. Where exactly did that bastard send me?


    *pant* *tap* *pant* *tap*


    That knight seemed to know where he was going though. Is it a known dungeon? If such a place was in the Tame Zone, it would be quite famous¡­ then this is¡­ somewhere in the Wild? How do I even make it back to Firstland? This ¡°Victoria¡± better have some answers.


    *pant* *tap* *pant* *tap* *pant* *tap* *tap*


    The climbed ended with a stone arch obstructed by a blood red veil embroidered with a delicate bark blue rose.


    That rose again¡­


    Behind the gossamer curtain, a charming room all in tones of ruby and sapphire made the sweaty and dirt-covered warrior feel coarse and out of place. Then a light breeze blew through the opened window, and a cloth of pure white and hair as immaculate fluttered in the wind.


    On the bed, still as a statue, was a girl laying over the blanket, as if she had just thought of it as a short nap but never woke up. Her skin was pale like the dead yet had the freshness of the living. Her surreal beauty, her alluring curves underlined by her dress that fitted her quite closely, and her otherworldly aura made her look like a heavenly maiden enclosed in a small morsel of Paradise in the castle of Hell.


    Who said ¡°cute¡±? This is an angel¡­


    The burly tank blushed.


    ¡°An angel¡±. What am I, a grade-schooler?


    A dented helmet, a soiled armour and a dreadful shield were swiftly unequipped.


    And a face roughly cleaned.


    Then, not showing the fa?ade of reserve Elric once showed, the envoy of Chaos stepped forwards to claim the obvious reward for such a quest.


    A kiss from the sleeping beauty.


    When their lips locked together, hers had the irony taste of blood. Oddly enough, it suited her.


    However, a spark of electricity abruptly rushed between them and the hunched shieldless Shield Bearer suddenly felt dizzy and powerless, paralyzed, invaded by an unstoppable foreign existence.


    And the voice began to whisper:


    ¡­ curse ¡­ blood ¡­ death ¡­ madness in the daaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA¡­


    The murderous whisper brutally morphed into a head-splitting shriek of despair and horror. Then, a violent shockwave sent the stunned Shield Bearer flying backwards and against the wall of the tower.


    *rumble*


    On the bed, the beautiful maiden jerked up, grabbing her head in pain, screaming voicelessly and coughing up blood that was immediately absorbed by the white dress without leaving a trace.


    After what seemed like an eternity, but in fact lasted barely a few heartbeats, the angel-like young woman, her heavenly visage a little spoiled by the gory red fluid maculating her chin, turned towards the one staring silently at her from the floor.


    Victoria¡¯s peculiar enchanting eyes widened in utter surprise, and a hoarse yet melodious voice rose in the silent bedroom:


    ¡°You¡­ you¡¯re a girl?!?!¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> I never know of this guy is funny or creepy¡­ probably a little bit of both.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <hr />


    Aaaaaand chap 22!


    I actually had planned 22 and 23 differently, but then I reread what I had written and found it boring, so I mashed up the two and this is what it became. I hope it wasn¡¯t. Boring I mean.


    I also hope the switches of PoV were clear enough. I wanted to avoid bluntly writing ¡°XXX¡¯s PoV¡± all the time. I think the result isn¡¯t confusing, but don¡¯t hesitate to tell if I¡¯m wrong.


    Writing without pronouns is quite a hassle too¡­ I don¡¯t even know if it was worth it, since the end game was quite obvious¡­ I think¡­


    Anyway, thank you for your faithfulness and see you next chapter for¡­ well¡­ what comes next.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.23 – First Impressions Count

    Chapter 23 ¨C First Impressions Count


    Pumbaa: You know, first impressions are very important.


    Timon: Oh, I thought you were a scream.


    ¨C The Lion King 1 ?


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have successfully formed a [Soul Bond] with Athena Pallas.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Victoria coughed a mouthful of blood.


    Wha¡­ [Soul Bond]? But- wait¡­ ¡°Athena¡±?


    Struggling to move her painful body, she laboriously turned around and gasped in a hoarse voice:


    ¡°You¡­ you¡¯re a girl?!?!¡±


    The stunned figure on the carpet looked back, and was about to answer, but suddenly started to focus intently at apparently nothing with widening amber eyes, typical gesture of an adventurer just receiving a ludicrous message window ¨C a behaviour that often drove locals to believe adventurers had Attention-Deficit Disorder, or ADD for short.


    Victoria attentively checked the person out.


    Her ¡°guest¡± had a tall muscular built rivalling Elric¡¯s, only slimmer, yet characteristic curves could faintly be perceived under a thick worn out gambeson. The face too had undoubtedly feminine features, although quite on the rough side, and would probably be sufficiently attractive ¨C well, players rarely made their avatar ugly on purpose ¨C  if less dirty and if ¡°her¡± long copper hairs were loosened instead of tied up in a practical ponytail.


    Still dazed, a sceptical Victoria stepped away from her bed and tottered towards the supposed woman, all the way mumbling confused gibberish:


    ¡°¡­ ot possible ¡­ wha ¡­ gir ¡­ mayb ¡­ then the cur ¡­ how ¡­¡±


    Shaking her head and her eyes unfocused, she then proceeded to unfasten the rigid protective garment that was in the way of her certitude.


    Feeling the sudden touch, Athena quickly dismissed the preposterous window and raised an interrogative eyebrow at the pale beauty who was shamelessly undressing her. Not that Victoria seemed to have any consideration for her consent though.


    Don¡¯t misunderstand, the tall woman was quite on board with being pushed down and stripped by a beauty. Although she usually preferred to be the one doing the pushing down and the stripping¡­ but a change of pace was always welcomed. However, there was a time and a place for everything ¨C or so she told herself ¨C and right now her desire for answers outweighed ¨C if slightly ¨C her awaking libido.


    Mentally slapping herself to reason, Athena reluctantly pushed the assertive princess away.


    ¡°Listen¡­ Victoria, right? Yes I¡¯m a girl, so whaAAH!¡±


    The tank abruptly interrupted herself and jumped up, rushing forth for an impromptu rescue mission.


    Because, under what Athena had considered a ¡°light push¡±, Victoria had been violently sent staggering backwards, ended up by the window, then tripped and tumbled outside, her widening eyes mirroring the horrified surprise of the Shield Bearer.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Ah¡­ I¡¯m outside.


    Those were Victoria¡¯s first thoughts as she toppled over the window sill.


    Then she noticed the large castle hanging from the high ceiling, surrounded by a forest of innumerable giant green stalactites, the far away emerald walls coated in rainbow light, and the menacing floor covered in a thick carpet of fluffy thunderclouds traversed by incessant lightning.


    Wait¡­ that¡¯s not right¡­


    She looked up ¨C or down, depending on the perspective ¨C and remembered the tower was quite tall indeed.


    Eeeeh. If the barrier broke, then what of the instant revive? Oh shi-


    She hadn¡¯t forgotten her promise to Dorothy, nor the faraway town of Ashen which would have been her ¡°closest¡± ¨C in a very relative sense ¨C resurrection spot if not for the convenient four-poster bed. However, before Victoria had the time to panic, a strong hand grabbed her ankle, stopping her fall, and an angry husky voice echoed from inside the bedroom.


    ¡°Just how weak are you?!¡±


    ¡°Who asked you to be a girl?!¡± an upside-down dishevelled lady replied in the same tone.


    ¡°WHAT?! Do you have a problem with me being a girl?!¡±


    ¡°No, not at all. I prefer actually.¡± The princess shrugged, a weird movement with her arms handing down.


    ¡°Really?!¡±


    A copper-haired head leant outside, briefly flashing a hopeful look before blushing and ¨C partially ¨C averting her gaze.


    ¡°Princess, you-¡±


    ¡°Please, just call me Victoria.¡±


    ¡°Right, Victoria¡­ your underwear¡­¡±


    Given Victoria¡¯s current predicament, her white dress was of course following the law of gravity, revealing her like-coloured self-tailored undergarment.


    ¡°Cute right? I made them myself.¡±


    The pride filling her voice was unfortunately answered with only dubitative consternation.


    ¡°¡­That¡¯s not really the point.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Right¡­ The material is the same as the dress. I thought it would be better to have a matching set.¡±


    ¡°But isn¡¯t it a bit¡­?¡±


    ¡°Transparent? Yes¡­ This magic cloth absorbs blood quite well, but is unfortunately a bit thin. Tough, you¡¯ll agree that having panties that absorb blood is pretty convenient¡­ Ah! But this game doesn¡¯t include menstrual physiology for players¡­ Same as going to the toilet¡­ Well, of course. Girls would sue the company if they had to go through their period four times a month. But then-¡±


    ¡°Is this really the time to talk abou- ¡­ WAIT!? You¡¯re not an NPC?¡±


    ¡°Uh? What made you think that I was one?¡±


    ¡°Ah? But it¡¯s because¡­ EEEEEH!? That bastard Chaos!¡±


    ¡°Oh, so you¡¯ve met the guy¡­ This explains that I guess.¡±


    ¡°He said you were his friend.¡±


    ¡°Who¡¯s friend with that crazy stalker?! It¡¯s probably his fault that I was trapped here in the first place!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Athena had an expression that probably meant ¡°Was I scammed?¡±


    ¡°Well, I did make a few stupid decisions.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± ¨C Back to consternation.


    ¡°And I guess the trap was pretty obvious¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­ You¡¯re an idiot.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve been called worse.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± ¨C And a nice demonstration of air facepalming.


    Still effortlessly holding the princess over the emptiness, the female Shield Bearer¡¯s face twitched, her expression oscillating between confused anger and deep consternation.


    Victoria allowed the person ¨C literally ¨C holding her life in her hand some time to clear her thoughts, and then called out:


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Athena-san?¡±


    ¡°San?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t appreciate the view, but I¡¯m starting to hear my heartbeat down here. Aaarghl¡­¡±


    Blood began once again to flow out of her mouth, this time streaming down into her nose.


    ¡°¡­Oh, sorry.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯d be. *coughrl* I¡¯ve nodiced I dend to ged beoble disdragded.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡±


    ¡°So¡­ aarbl¡­ gould you bull me bag ub? Or do you blan on gondinuing do enzoy de ¡®view¡¯ doo?¡±


    Athena¡¯s face flushed bright red, which Victoria thought was quite cute ¨C or maybe it was just the blood in her eyes ¨C, and then finally brought the princess back to the safety of her room.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Athena was having a headache.


    She still couldn¡¯t completely grasp the situation she was in, and that pissed her off. Chaos had somehow tricked her, and that pissed her off. This princess, despite being a beauty as promised, had visibly more than a screw loose and Athena had no idea how to handle her, and that pissed her off. Having been betrayed not five minutes before meeting the god, she knew she should have been more careful, and that really pissed her off.


    All in all, she was pissed.


    But it¡¯s not like it was an abnormal state for her. She was usually pissed at something, at herself most of the time. Pissed at herself for being who she was and pissed at herself for being pissed.


    It was a vicious circle, one she had been trapped in for a long time.


    She had once hoped this ¡°cutting edge¡± virtual reality would allow her a new start, a new ¡°her¡± in a new world. This was also why she had chosen the class Shield Bearer and the name of Athena, Greek goddess of wisdom, courage, strength and strategic war.


    At first, it had seemed to work. In her new near indestructible body, she had finally been able to conquer the very fear that had made her real life a living hell and, for a while, she had been happy.


    But changing oneself wasn¡¯t so easily done, and it hadn¡¯t taken long for Athena to fall back into her usual self-loathing wrathful pattern. She thought that she should have known a life of fright and rage couldn¡¯t be overcome by merely adding a few muscles to her body and adopting a goddess¡¯ name, and she hated herself even more for childishly believing she had found a way out.


    The only moments when she actually felt calm and appeased were when she fought all-out, loosing herself in statistics, timings and damage estimations. Numbers had always calmed her since her early childhood, when her eccentric father would read university-level mathematical compendiums to her instead of bedtime stories. When most little girls fell asleep to ¡°Little Red Riding Hood¡±, ¡°Snow White¡± or ¡°Goldilocks and the Three Bears¡±, she used to be lulled by the hypothetical theories of Gauss, Bernoulli, Euclid, Newton or Al-Khwarizm? and, ever since, mathematics made her go back to this lost feeling of warm safety.


    However, as soon as her opponent fell, as soon as the fight ended, the consciousness of her pathetic self would always come back crashing in her mind and she would once more feel angry at everything because her own powerlessness.


    If only I could-


    ¡°Eeeh¡­ Athe¡­ Athena? ¡­¡±


    An intermittent melodious voice suddenly snapped the Shield Bearer out of her spiralling dark thoughts.


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ So¡­ So you¡¯re ¡­ really a girl ¡­¡±


    The tall woman looked up, and answered in a flat tone:


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°¡­ but you ¡­ kissed me ¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡° ¡­ So ¡­ you¡¯re a girl ... who likes other ¡­ girls ¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°¡­ a lesbian ¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°¡­ a gay woman ¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah...¡±


    ¡°¡­ a sapphist ¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡±


    ¡°¡­ a dyke ¡­¡±


    ¡°DO YOU PLAN ON SPOUTING OUT THE WHOLE FREAKING DICTIONNARY?!¡±


    ¡°¡­ a bad tempered dyke ¡­¡±


    Athena massaged her painful temples.


    ¡°I don¡¯t even know what I was expecting. You¡¯re really related to the God of Chaos after all.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I told ¡­ you ¡­ I don¡¯t have anything to do ¡­ with that stalker ¡­¡±


    ¡°Whatever you say. And what are you doing?¡±


    Athena was rapidly getting dizzy watching the weird princess. For the past five minutes, Victoria had been running back and forth between the wardrobe to the bed, taking out seemingly endless identical white dresses from the first and folding them neatly in a large trunk opened on the second.


    ¡°¡­ Packing obviously ¡­ finally can leave ¡­ and ¡­ these dre-¡±


    ¡°Stay still for a couple minutes, will you?!¡±


    Victoria halted herself midway to the bed, another attire in her hands, and turned towards the pissed Shield Bearer, swallowing a timely retort at the sight of a blue vein pulsing on the strong woman¡¯s forehead.


    ¡°Hem¡­ These dresses are made of magic cloth that absorbs blood, so they are pretty convenient. The wardrobe is magic too and the number of dresses inside is always the same. I believe it is linked to a storage place somewhere, since actually producing an infinite amount of enchanted clothes is a bit too much to... but I digress. Anyway, because the wardrobe itself is too large to fit in the [Inventory], I¡¯m taking as much dresses as I can. Is this answer to your liking?¡±


    Feeling her regrets of accepting this quest swell by the minute, Athena let out a weary sight.


    ¡°I guess¡­ but why a trunk?¡±


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s the thing, if you put a full container in your [Inventory], it will only take one slot, whatever is inside.¡±


    ¡°You can do that?!¡±


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s pretty obvious when you think about it. The downside is that you¡¯ll have to take the full trunk out each time. So forget about pilling up countless weapons and quickly switch them in a fight, for example. Well, you can still throw the whole thing at your opponent. I¡¯m sure a huge chest full of metal could make some dam-¡±


    ¡°But I saw nothing about it anywhere in the [Help] section.¡±


    Victoria just shrugged.


    ¡°Dunno. I never read it.¡±


    ¡°You never read¡­ no, never mind. I think I should try to stop being surprised.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s your life.¡±


    Having satisfied her guest¡¯s curiosity, the eccentric princess went back to her travel preparations.


    A few seconds later, after processing the implications of what she just heard, Athena once more raised a question:


    ¡°But¡­ since you can already stack identical items in a single slot, doesn¡¯t it kind of defy the purpose of the trunk if you stuff it with identical dresses?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Victoria had frozen.


    ¡°Victoria?¡±


    ¡°¡­ I¡­ I didn¡¯t thought of that.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    As Athena narrowed her eyes, the scatterbrain in front of her closed an eye, stuck her tongue out, tilted her head, and lightly knocked it with a ¡°Tehe~¡±


    The Shield Bearer facepalmed.


    ¡°You¡­ I don¡¯t know if you¡¯re a genius, or an idiot.¡±


    ¡°I get that a lot,¡± the other distractedly replied while now emptying the content of the trunk in her [Inventory].


    ¡°¡­I give up. More importantly, are you okay? You were coughing up a lot of blood not ten minutes ago.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine. I have this [Heightened Erythropoiesis]. It¡¯s a passive that sort of increase the regeneration rate of my blood. Although this is a bit incorrect, given erythrocytes are technically only the red blood cells and not th-¡±


    ¡°But don¡¯t you have internal wounds?¡±


    ¡°Oh, that¡­ Now that you mention it¡­ *courgh*¡±


    Red fluid gushed out of her mouth and the seriously wounded princess swayed sideways. Athena rushed to catch her¡­ again.


    ¡°YOU MORON!! Don¡¯t move so much if you¡¯re that hurt!¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­ *coughgrl* I¡¯ll be fine. I just need to fill my [Thirst] bar. My healing speed is much better when it¡¯s completely full.¡±


    ¡°[Thirst] bar?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ *goughlr* It¡¯s a racial thing¡­¡±


    ¡°Race? What race?¡±


    ¡°*coughaargl* I¡¯ll tell you, but could you first give me that glass on the table?¡±


    ¡°On the table?¡±


    ¡°Yes, that table¡­¡±


    Both women turned their heads, and their eyes fell on a small collapsed round table and what looked like shards of a shattered crystal cup scattered on the carpet.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Athena faintly blushed.


    ¡°I¡­ might have knocked it over when I rushed to catch you earlier¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ that¡¯s troublesome.¡±


    ¡°Was it important?¡±


    ¡°Not really, *crrlgough* it just kept me from dying.¡±


    ¡°WHAT?!¡±


    ¡°No- *courghl* No problem. A HP potion should do th- *hurl* the trick.¡±


    ¡°Do you have any?¡±


    ¡°No. Do you?¡±


    Actually, Victoria had been sending letters to Daniel-san ¨C under Elric¡¯s name of course ¨C through the [Nether Bag], and receiving materials in return, but since she could instantaneously revive, she had forgotten to ask for recovery items.


    ¡°No,¡± answered Athena.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll manage somehow.¡±


    ¡°HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED T- ¡­ And when did it turn into ¡®we¡¯?!¡±


    ¡°Better clean up this mess, since I don¡¯t have *kuh* don¡¯t have shoes and all¡­¡±


    ¡°HEY! Don¡¯t just brush of what you just said! And don¡¯t move when you¡¯re coughing blood, for fuck¡¯s sake!¡±


    Not paying attention to the shouting woman, Victoria unsteadily tottered towards the shattered cup, knelt down, and reached out towards the largest shard, but her delicate hand was firmly caught by a larger one. Raising her unfocused gaze, the princess met Athena¡¯s half-reproachful half-concerned amber eyes.


    ¡°You¡¯re not well. I¡¯ll do it.¡±


    ¡°Are you my mommy?¡± Victoria asked in a jokingly despondent manner.


    Athena didn¡¯t laugh.


    ¡°That¡¯s not it,¡± she answered in a serious tone as she began gathering the sharp pieces of broken glass. ¡°It my fault in the first place, and I¡¯d feel guilty if you hurt yourself because of me. It¡¯s my job to protect others after all.¡±


    ¡°Oh, right. Th- *cough* The tank-thing.¡±


    Having been denied participation in the cleaning effort, the idle princess sat at a distance, bringing back her legs under herself and adopting the most lady-like posture she could think of. Though her attempt at looking elegant was a bit spoiled by another gory coughing fit.


    Treating her life-threatening state as a mild annoyance, she dignifiedly reached inside the wardrobe, and took out a piece of magic cloth to wipe her chin, before returning her gaze towards her unceremoniously crouching interlocutor, who followed up on Victoria¡¯s previous comment.


    ¡°Right. My main class is [Shield Bearer]. By the way, I have something sort of important to ask on that matter¡­ But I guess it can wait until you¡¯re a little better.¡±


    ¡°Oh, that class¡­ *kufrl* the very tanky one¡­ Saw some info on the forums¡­ And you defeated Kalameet alone with a class like that?!¡±


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t easy.¡± Athena shrugged it off.


    ¡°And people called me a monster¡­¡±


    ¡°You said something?¡±


    ¡°*cough* No¡­ My main class is [Bloodsoul Mage] by the way.¡±


    ¡°[Bloodsoul Mage]? Never heard of it.¡±


    ¡°It just came out.¡±


    ¡°Is that so?¡±


    Athena half pivoted towards the alleged Mage, an inquisitive eyebrow raised¡­ then her jaw dropped in a comical manner.


    ¡°Wha-What the hell are you wiping your mouth with?!¡±


    Puzzled, Victoria looked at what she was actually holding, which turned out to be one of her self-tailored panties.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡±


    She giggled and held the underwear with the tip of her fingers like some precious fabric ¨C which it was actually, ¡°All hail the magic silk panties!¡± ¨C, presenting it to the bewildered woman, before saying in a posh tone:


    ¡°Dear Shield Bearer, I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitUD!¡±


    A fist slammed into her stomach, expelling another large mouthful of blood.


    ¡°Owggrrrllbrelgr¡­¡± she pertinently commented has she fell to the floor.


    Athena¡¯s eyes widened in horror at what she had just done and she leapt to the side of the collapsed Victoria while spouting confused excuses:


    ¡°AAAH!! I¡¯m so sorry¡­. I didn¡¯t¡­ It¡¯s just t-that my sis always¡­ same kind of stupid jokes¡­ and I just¡­ on reflex¡­ Why am I such a¡­ damn¡­¡±


    Looking about to expire any second, the princess raised a trembling hand to appease the appalled young woman.


    ¡°Hahahaaaaghl¡­ Don¡¯t worry¡­ It¡¯s not like I won¡¯t *coughr* re-revive¡­ Besides¡­ I¡­ I think I like it¡­¡±


    Oh god, she¡¯s delirious, was what Athena thought.


    On the comfortable carpet, Victoria could feel her strength leaving her, along with copious amounts of thick red fluid. She could have used [Hematokinesis] to stop the blood leak, but it¡¯s not like it would have done any good to her destroyed organs, so she didn¡¯t bother.


    *ba-dump*


    Hahaha¡­ I have such a shitty luck with women¡­


    *ba-dump*


    Maybe I should just resign myself¡­


    *ba-dump*


    What is that smell?


    *ba-dump*


    Slightly opening her blurry eyes, she tried to see through the darkness that was progressively shrouding her vision, and noticed the blood maculating Athena¡¯s hand.


    *BA-DUMP*


    Ah¡­ Did she cut herself?


    For some reason, she could tell the blood wasn¡¯t hers.


    *ba-dump*


    She¡¯s such a klutz¡­


    *ba-dump*


    *ba-dump*


    But it really smells nice¡­


    *ba-dump*


    *ba-dump*


    *ba-dump*


    She unconsciously reached out. Misunderstanding her actions, Athena took her shivering hand in her large palm, and squeezed, once more spewing incomprehensible apologies.


    *ba-dump*


    *ba-dump*


    *ba-dump*


    *BA-DUMP*


    Victoria didn¡¯t understand what the other was saying, nor did she care, all her attention focused on the red nectar that was now slowly dripping on her own hand. A deafening pulsation was echoing in her head, numbing her thoughts. Was it her own heart beating? Or the blood flowing in the woman¡¯s vein? Honestly, the dhampir didn¡¯t give a shit.


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    Weakly raising herself from the ground, Victoria began licking the back of her own hand, then of Athena¡¯s, and up her forearm, as far as the gambeson allowed her, not minding her meal¡¯s surprised gasps.


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    The taste was unlike anything she had ever tasted. It was like melted warm chocolate ¨C she really liked chocolate ¨C, but without the sickly sweet aftertaste, yet it felt refreshing like a glass of water after a long day under the scorching summer sun.


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP*


    *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP* *BA-DUMP*


    Barely conscious, lost in the hypnotic beat and otherworldly delicacy, unable to think anymore, she opened her mouth, her fangs briefly reflecting the light of the jewel chandelier, and violently sunk them in the enticing forearm.


    ¡°Wait, what are you doooaaaaaahn~¡±


    Athena slapped her free hand on her mouth, shocked by the moan she had just let out.


    The instant the strangely acting princess had bitten into her arm, electricity had rushed throughout her whole body and her mind had briefly gone blank, her lower body reacting in a manner completely unbefitting someone who had just been wounded. Even now, it required all her focus power to keep her thoughts straight and her voice in check as waves of pleasure assaulted her.


    Wha¡­ How¡­ Did she? ¡­ Were those fangs? Is she some kind of beast ra- No, that doesn¡¯t make sense¡­ She¡­ Vampire? But the race shouldn¡¯t be avail-


    ¡°Aaahn~!¡±


    She bit on her own finger to shut herself up.


    Completely uncaring of her prey¡¯s uncomfortable wriggling, the pale princess continued to mindlessly quench her thirst. Athena actually received notices of her HP slowly decreasing, but the amount was negligible for her boosted health pool, so she refrained from pushing Victoria away.


    She could have easily done so, but if the girl really was some sort of vampire, it was logical that drinking blood would heal her. It was her fault too that the beauty was in such a state in the first place.


    Besides, for all surprising it had been, the feeling was far from unpleasant¡­


    ¡°Mnnh!!¡±


    How¡­ I wouldn¡¯t be hurt by something like that but this is¡­ I this some kind of toxin? Sis mentioned something about vampires having something like tha-


    ¡°Mmmh!¡±


    Damn! I don¡¯t know any more! That¡¯s why I didn¡¯t want to play a fantasy game! I wanted to pilot a mecha, not face fangy creatures spiting aphrodisia-


    ¡°AMMMMMMH!!¡±


    Giving up on rationalising the situation, Athena simply surrendered herself to her stimulated senses and patiently waited for Victoria to finish ¨C which basically was the objective, as feeding on a consenting prey is far less difficult.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After a blurry period of time, but that shouldn¡¯t have been too long, after all the human body only held so much blood and Athena didn¡¯t feel like she had lost a lot, Victoria sat back up, already looking much better, and clapped her hands together.


    ¡°Gochisousama deshita.¡±


    ¡°Wha-¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Skill: Blood Bag


    (Passive)


    As the Soulbound of the Progenitor, Victoria Sangbleu, your blood hold irresistible fragrance for your master and constitutes a meal without equal for her.


    Level: Beginner 1


    Effects:


    - Victoria is naturally drawn to your blood when in a state of weakness.


    - When consuming your blood, Victoria¡¯s [Thirst] fills 5% faster.


    - When consuming your blood, Victoria¡¯s HP recovery rate increases by 5%. The effect persists for two minutes after the last drop of blood is ingested.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Athena blinked at the window, suddenly remembering the other message she had received earlier, the one that had informed her she had gained the secret subclass [Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound]. She had been meaning to ask Victoria about it, but the events had unfolded in such a way that she still had not been able to follow through.


    On her side, Victoria too was staring at the air before her. Then she tilted her head in confusion and whispered:


    ¡°What the hell is a Soulbound? And who¡¯s this Progenitor person? Me?¡±


    Athena slipped on the fragments of her shattered expectations and fell on the carpet.


    She quickly got herself back together though and punched the idiot¡¯s head, managing to hold back a little this time.


    ¡°Aouch¡­ I haven¡¯t fully recovered, you kno-¡±


    ¡°YES, YOU!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON¡¯T KNOW?!! YOU¡¯RE THE REASON I ENDED UP WITH THIS WEIRD SUBCLASS!!!¡± She jumped up and took the ceiling as witness. ¡°AAAAAAH!!! I DON¡¯T BELIEVE THIS!!¡±


    ¡°Oh! You got a subclass?! Isn¡¯t it great?¡±


    ¡°NOO!! I was analysing the pros and cons of various classes to understand which one would have the best synergy with [Shield Bearer] and now I¡¯m stuck with something I don¡¯t even know the slightest info about!! How can this be ¡®great¡¯?!¡±


    Not minding Athena¡¯s irritation, Victoria struck her open palm with her fist like she suddenly had an illumination.


    ¡°That¡¯s why you took four months to decide!¡±


    ¡°YES! AND NOW ALL MY RESEARCH JUST WENT UP IN FUMES THANKS TO YOU AND THAT CHAOS BASTARD!!¡±


    Victoria calmly stood up and brushed imaginary dust off her dress.


    ¡°Bah. See it like an opportunity to study a class nobody knows.¡±


    ¡°BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED¡­¡±


    ¡°Besides, it¡¯s not like you can¡¯t change class.¡±


    ¡°¡­TO PLA- What?¡±


    ¡°Like I said, there are ways to change you class.¡±


    ¡°But nothing like that is-¡±


    ¡°Mentioned in the [Help] menu? Well, of course, since I¡¯m the one who discovered it. I probably am not the only one though.¡±


    That calm way of stating the impossible rendered Athena speechless for a few seconds.


    ¡°Discovered it? Wha¡­ How?!¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ It¡¯s rather embarrassing,¡± the Bloodsoul Mage said while looking away and blushing.


    ¡°JUST SPILL IT!!¡±


    Victoria took a frightened pose.


    ¡°Waaaa¡­ Mommy, the scary woman is being mean again¡­¡±


    It took all of Athena¡¯s willpower to rein down her temper and prevent herself from strangling the girl who obviously enjoyed toying with her nerves, then she asked in a forcefully composed manner:


    ¡°Could you please develop.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ Hihi¡­¡± Victoria began, this time adopting the demeanour of a shy ditsy girl, arms behind her back and a naked feet sweeping back and forth. ¡°I kinda got cursed and my class changed¡­ Tehe~¡±


    A vein popped on Athena¡¯s forehead, but her tightening fists were the only visible sign of her rapidly losing her tentative cool.


    ¡°So¡­ the only way to change class is to get cursed?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Don¡¯t sound so disappointed. At least that means it is possible.¡±


    ¡°BUT YOU HAVE¡­ *inhale* But you have no idea of the precise method!¡±


    ¡°Precise method¡­ precise method¡­ precision is overrated¡­¡±


    ¡°You-¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what I would have answered yesterday, but seeing you fight made me reconsider.¡±


    ¡°Seeing me fight?¡±


    Instead of answering, Victoria gestured towards the mirror, which obediently displayed the image of the ruined throne room.


    ¡°¡­Oh. That¡¯s convenient.¡±


    ¡°Well yes, but a girl needs some distraction when she¡¯s stuck in a tower for four months.¡±


    ¡°Four months!?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ Well, that¡¯s the curse and all¡­¡±


    Taking a few steps back, Athena sat on the bed and insistently tapped the sheets beside her in a universal gesture signifying ¡°Get your ass over here, bitch, and get the fuck talking before I make you talk¡±. Victoria obediently followed and sat down¡­ on the Shield Bearer¡¯s lap.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Is there something wrong?¡± she asked with upturned eyes and a malicious grin.


    ¡°No-nothing.¡±


    Athena was making a complex face.


    This princess just upset my pace¡­ She looks and acts like a child that couldn¡¯t handle herself if left alone, then she smiles and I get the feeling I¡¯m the one being toyed with. What is she exactly?!


    It¡¯s not like the tall woman was inexperienced in relationships. In fact, in the nineteen years of her life ¨C she wasn¡¯t that old ¨C, more specifically in the last four, she had switched lovers many times. Since she was more the aggressive type, in more ways than one, she usually ended up being the ¡°strong link¡± in the couple. But there had also been a few girls she went out with that actually managed to bring out the shyest part of herself, reversing the roles.


    But the fragile beauty in her thin white dress just refused to stick to either end of the spectrum, incessantly jumping from childish girl to mysterious woman, most often keeping herself in a blur in-between the two.


    Athena just didn¡¯t know how to handle this random oddball.


    Besides, why am I even thinking about this like I¡¯m actually considering a relationship? I only met her an hour ago at most! I just can¡¯t think straight. I must have accumulated too much mental fatigue. I should log out soon.


    ¡°So, what do you want to know?¡± Victoria asked innocently, while her mind actually raced in all sorts of directions in order to sound convincing without revealing too much and avoid blowing Elric¡¯s cover.


    Confusing the tall woman was of course part of the plan, partially at least. Victoria also did it because it was fun to see all those weird expressions succeed each other on her face.


    The princess had noticed something about Athena. Outwardly, the Shield Bearer was really blunt and a tad violent ¨C well, that probably wasn¡¯t only a fa?ade and Victoria didn¡¯t dislike that part of her ¨C, but she paradoxically also gave off a feeling of insecurity, like she had gotten used to wearing an armour of spikes from being hurt too often.


    Similarly, while she was rather open with her sexual preferences, she also seemed to have some complexes about it. It could be said she was ¡°defensively forceful¡± in fact, and the princess intended to take full advantage of the Shield Bearer¡¯ unbalanced personality in order to avoid certain topics.


    Victoria wasn¡¯t too happy about this. She naturally wasn¡¯t a manipulative person, except towards herself, and didn¡¯t particularly like to toy with people weaknesses, except when she didn¡¯t care enough to notice said weaknesses. However, she couldn¡¯t allow her true gender to be exposed here.


    First, because it would make the situation unbelievably uncomfortable.


    Second, because she still didn¡¯t know the other party that well, and wasn¡¯t absolutely sure she could count on her discretion. After all, Elric had made quite a few enemies over the past two in-game years, enemies who Victoria knew she wasn¡¯t strong enough to face if they by chance heard of her current weakened state.


    Third, and actually the main reason, because Victoria was deeply interested in this strong-weak girl. The earlier fight against the [Soul Dragon of the Abyss ¡°Kalameet¡±] was still replaying in a corner of her mind, and the convinced scatterbrain craved once more seeing this precise and merciless dance of death. She wasn¡¯t romantic enough to entertain stupid thoughts like ¡°love at first sight¡± and the likes, but it was undeniable Athena captivated her somehow and that Victoria wanted to stay close to her. If being a girl enabled her to do so, then she would be a girl.


    In the end, be it Nicolas, Elric or Victoria, all three were the same essentially selfish person.


    ¡°So¡­ Anything?¡± she repeated while sneakily snuggling against the tall woman and reducing the gap between their faces.


    Seeing the other blush even more, Victoria mentally noted to later cook something for Mary, as thanks for the unintentional tutoring.


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­¡± Athena took a deep breath. ¡°Wha-What race are you, some kind of vampire?¡±


    ¡°Ah! That¡¯s easy. Yes. A dhampir actually, half human, half vampire. And before you ask, I don¡¯t think the vampire race is available, so I gather this curse also had something to do with unlocking the race.¡±


    Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.¡°So you weren¡¯t a vamp¡­ dhampir before?¡±


    ¡°No. That¡¯s all part of the curse.¡±


    ¡°Which curse?¡±


    ¡°Victoria¡¯s curse.¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you Victoria?¡±


    ¡°I am, but I am not.¡±


    It would probably have made things easier if she hadn¡¯t mentioned this, but ¡°Victoria¡± knew that her careless self wouldn¡¯t have been able to hide it on the long run, so better let the bat out of the bag now than later, so to speak.


    ¡°You are¡­ but not¡­ What?!¡±


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t Victoria, now I am. That¡¯s the curse.¡±


    ¡°You¡­ transformed into Victoria?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°Then who were you before?¡±


    That¡¯s the tricky question¡­ thought the possessed girl.


    She took a long inspiration, and then:


    ¡°Well, I was taller, and blond, a bit tougher too¡­ More the badass swordsmage kind than the hikikomori princess kind. Then I took a quest, got screwed over, my level reset to twenty-three¡­ well, I somehow managed to climb back to twenty-five¡­ my skills reset too, my spell list erased, my class changed¡­ Oh! I got the subclass [Princess] by the way¡­ and I have been unable to leave this tower ever since. And I have the disembodied spirit of the original Victoria, who was an actual princess around two thousand years ago who got killed by her husband in a tragicomedy that would put Romeo and Juliette to shame, but I digress. Anyway, she¡¯s sort of squatting my mind and chanting murderous bullshit all day long¡­ though she had been quite for the past hour¡­ I guess whatever happened earlier hurt her somehow¡­ Ah! But the barrier around this tower seemed to have been broken too, so I can leave now. I am still stuck in that body, but the class and powers are quite good in the end, so I¡¯m not too upset¡­ Well, the level reset suck, but since I didn¡¯t lose all my previous stats, that means I actually can again level up fast and get extra stats points! Hahahaha!¡±


    Athena blinked, trying to process the barrage of information she just had been hit with, and reflexively went back to her safe haven: numbers.


    ¡°So¡­ what level were you before?¡±


    ¡°Around one hundred and thirty.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± ¨C A mouth hang open.


    Victoria tilted her head interrogatively, like saying: ¡°Did I say something strange?¡± while internally smirking.


    ¡°¡­and you went back down to twenty-three?¡±


    ¡°Yep.¡±


    ¡°And your fine with that?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s only levels, nothing that important.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I think I will just stop using my common sense for some time.¡±


    ¡°Why? Having someone to talk is sort of refreshing. I have been playing solo for so long now, it was sort of getting boring. Especially these past eight months, since this country in particular is especially lacking in conversation partners, even if only considering NPCs.¡±


    ¡°Right. Where are we?¡±


    ¡°In the Erwynian Kingdom, somewhere directly east from Firstland.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ this is the Wild?¡±


    ¡°Yep. [Tiamat Mountain Range]. Although we¡¯re currently in a valley in a mountain in a country in more mountains. Like geological matryoshka dolls.¡±


    ¡°Tiamat¡­ wasn¡¯t that¡­¡±


    ¡°The place where DHF has been trying to get into for the past two months? It is.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯ve been here for the past four months?¡±


    ¡°Eight, if you count the time before I got cursed.¡±


    ¡°If Prince Orchid knew that¡­¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­ I can just imagine his whiny face. But the elf Lily is the one you don¡¯t want to anger.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I see.¡±


    Having finally assimilated the earlier information, Athena made a deep thinking expression. Noticing this, Victoria mentally put on sunglasses, a leather suit and a long black coat, and prepared to dodge bullets.


    I am the One¡­


    ¡°So¡­ you¡¯re one of the Deep Explorers?¡±


    ¡°Yes, but my face isn¡¯t really known.¡±


    *vieeew*


    That¡¯s not exactly a lie¡­


    ¡°Then¡­¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    For the next hour, an increasingly sweaty princess somehow managed to survive under the incessant shots of the redoubtably meticulous Shield Bearer, who somehow managed to conciliate the precision of sniper with the cadence of a machine gun in her thorough interrogation.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ve got a good grasp of the situation,¡± Athena eventually noded.


    ¡°Thanks Hell¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­There¡¯s just one last thing I want to ask.¡±


    *gulps* ¡°Y-yes?¡±


    ¡°How do we get out of here?¡±


    ¡°AH! But by the door of course.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not-¡±


    ¡°Right! Well, don¡¯t worry. I¡¯ve got a few plan with high survival chances.¡±


    ¡°Survival chances? Not success rate?¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ I never estimate success. It¡¯s easier to swallow when you fail if you didn¡¯t bother thinking about it beforehand.¡±


    ¡°WHAT KIND OF WAY OF THINKING IS THAT!!¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­ To think I would miss that shouting already.¡±


    ¡°STOP MAKING FUN OF- Haaaa¡­ *sigh* I give up. Even if I now understand where we are, I still have no idea on how to cross that over-150 forest without dying.¡±


    ¡°How did you make it to the castle then?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ thanks to this.¡±


    She made a wide gesture, and an ominous pitch-black shield oozing red miasma materialized in her hand. Victoria smiled broadly at the sight of the spooky snake-haired skull, rapidly clapping her hands like a kid ready to open her birthday presents.


    ¡°Waaah! It¡¯s even cooler up-close! Can I take a look?¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­¡± Athena made a puzzled face. ¡°You don¡¯t feel anything looking at it?¡±


    ¡°No. Why?¡± Victoria tilted her head ¨C this was becoming a habit.


    ¡°All the monsters I met earlier were temporarily stunned when they looked at it.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡±


    A light flickered in the Bloodsoul Mage¡¯s eyes, and she looked more intensively at the dark piece of equipment, mumbling to herself:


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ a bit far fetch¡­ but maybe¡­ [Hereditary Memory].¡±


    Calling out the trait, she stared at the shield for a few seconds, then her face contorted in an unpleasant manner and she half-turned towards the owner of the item.


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ where did you get that thing exactly?¡±


    ¡°I got it from Chaos¡­ Is there something wrong?¡± the Shield Bearer asked, already fearing the answer.


    ¡°From Chaos uh? I guess¡­ Well¡­ I wouldn¡¯t say ¡®wrong¡¯¡­ This is a great shield¡­ but¡­ Well, see for yourself. Show data of [Cursed Gorgon Shield] to Athena Pallas.¡±


    Athena twitched upon hearing the full name of the gear, and looked at the window that had appeared in front of her.


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''> Cursed Gorgon Shield


    [Cursed Scales Guard] pieces possessed: 1/3</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Type:</td><td colspan=''2''>Defensive Gear, Cursed Artefact</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Restrictions:</td><td colspan=''2''>200+ STR, 30+ Willpower</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Defense:</td><td width="25%">169</td><td width="25%">Satiety:</td><td width="25%">122/150</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>


    An ancient shield forged during the Twilight War, part of the [Cursed Scales Guard] set, and imbued with the soul of a dreadful monster.


    The gorgons had the ability to petrify their prey with a single look. Although the species is now believed extinct, their power live on though this artefact, striking fear in the heart of its wielder¡¯s enemies, dreadful memorabilia of the once feared race.


    However be careful, for the power of the gorgons is a treacherous one and this shield will seek to consume its owner.


    Special Attribute:


    Will inflict the statuses [Paralysed] and [Fear] to anyone who meets the eyes of the gorgon skull. The duration of the effects depends on the target¡¯s [Willpower].


    Curse Effects:


    - Will turn you into stone if not fed regularly.


    - As long as the [Cursed Gorgon Shield] recognises you as its owner, no other shield can be equipped.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°WHAT THE HELL!!¡± the Shield Bearer glared at the dhampir princess, who just shrugged in return.


    ¡°Don¡¯t scream at me¡­ I think it¡¯s a great shield. A defence of one hundred and sixty-nine isn¡¯t bad at all, and if you add the effect, that¡¯s almost a cheat shield. Well, most cursed artefact are. That¡¯s why they are cursed and all¡­¡±


    ¡°BUT-¡±


    Victoria shut Athena up with a smile and a finger on her lips.


    ¡°Shush. No screaming. My head hurts, and you will ruin you beautiful voice.¡±


    The woman¡¯s eyed widened at Victoria unexpected compliment. She herself thought her voice was nothing special, not compared to the princess¡¯ at least. In fact, it was deep and raspy, not womanly at all, but your voice in-game of course depended on your virtual body, not your real-life voice, so it¡¯s not like she had much choice. Therefore, she couldn¡¯t determine if the pale beauty was sincere of making fun of her again.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Victoria removed her finger, and her mischievous smile broadened.


    ¡°Good girl.¡± She struck her favourite thinking pose, although without the beard. ¡°Now, what do you think that ¡®feeding¡¯ part is about? Normal food? Souls maybe? Mmmmh¡­ I wouldn¡¯t like you to turn into a statue. It would be a hassle to carry you around to the nearest shrine to get you purified. I¡¯m not even sure I could get into¡­ Ah! Now that I think of it, we could go to a shrine to get your freed from the shield, so don¡¯t feel too depressed alright?¡±


    Athena simply nodded.


    ¡°Good. Now¡­ Well, leaving the feeding issue aside for now¡­ whatever the circumstances might be, you did came to my rescue and I am grateful for that. So¡­¡±


    Victoria jumped up from the tough woman¡¯s lap, gracefully spun and, crossing her legs and slightly bending her knees, she lifted the sides of her dress before bowing in a perfectly executed curtsey. Four months of boredom and a little help from [Court Etiquette] could make one gain the most unexpected skills.


    ¡°From the bottom of my heart, my lady, I thank you,¡± she said in a gentle dignified tone. ¡°As for your reward, it so happen that I have in my possession an item that, I think, would most suit a strong warrior such as yourself, and I hope this small favour can help repay my debt to you.¡±


    Still having difficulties to keep up with the princess ever-shifting mood, Athena could only answer in totally serious tone:


    ¡°As long as it is not blood stained panties¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ right.¡± Victoria began looking around. ¡°But blood¡­ wouldn¡¯t have stained¡­ them¡­ since¡­ Where are those panties anyway? I should have dropped them arou-¡±


    ¡°So, that item?¡±


    ¡°Yes! Follow me.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Victoria guided her guest down the stairs, ignoring several doors before stopping in front of one, roughly situated in the middle of the tower, that nothing apparently differentiated from the others.


    ¡°Here we are. Please help yourself,¡± the dhampir princess said as she designated the handle.


    With a curious look at the smiling girl, Athena pushed the door¡­


    ¡°HA! Right I forgot that you wouldn¡¯t be able t-¡±


    ¡­which opened without problem.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°To what?¡±


    ¡°Must be the [Soul Bond] thing¡­¡±


    ¡°What is?¡±


    ¡°Normally, I should have been the only one able to open this door, since it was locked with Soul Magic, but I guess since we¡¯re linked¡­ or maybe it is the barrier collapsing¡­¡±


    Victoria frowned. She had the feeling she was forgetting something, something important. But since she couldn¡¯t remember what, she decided not to dwell on it too much and instead asked:


    ¡°As anything else changed with the new class? New stats, new skills, new anything?¡±


    Athena replied that she wasn¡¯t sure. Aside from the [Blood Bag] skill she had been informed of earlier, she hadn¡¯t had the time to thoroughly check her character windows since she unexpectedly gained the subclass. After hearing her answer, Victoria pressed her to look at her [Status Window], which she did.


    ¡°Show [Status Window].¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Status Window</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Identity</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Name:</td><td width="25%">Athena Pallas</td><td width="25%">Alignment:</td><td width="25%">Darkness</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Level:</td><td width="25%">90</td><td width="25%">Class:</td><td width="25%">Shield Bearer</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Race:</td><td width="25%">Human</td><td width="25%">Subclass:</td><td width="25%">Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gender:</td><td width="25%">Female</td><td width="25%">Marital Status:</td><td width="25%">Single</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Title</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Unyielding Defender</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Body & Soul</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Health:</td><td width="25%">5 220/5 220</td><td width="25%">Mana:</td><td width="25%">200/200</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">3 320/3 320</td><td width="25%">Fame:</td><td width="25%">160</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Basic Stats</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Strength (STR):</td><td width="25%">232</td><td width="25%">Wisdom (WIS):</td><td width="25%">20</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Agility (AGI):</td><td width="25%">60</td><td width="25%">Intelligence (INT):</td><td width="25%">20</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Vitality (VIT):</td><td width="25%">222</td><td width="25%">Charism* (CHA):</td><td width="25%">13 (+0)</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Additional Stats*</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Defence:</td><td width="25%">98</td><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">92</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Endurance:</td><td width="25%">87</td><td width="25%">Willpower:</td><td width="25%">39</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Magical Affinities</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Prime</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Fire:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Nature:</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Water:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Void:</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Air:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Light:</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Earth:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Darkness:</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Sub</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Blood (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Runes (Void):</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Lightning (Fire):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Soul (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Poison (Nature):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td colspan=''2''></td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>*Stat points cannot be added to this stat.</td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°UH?!¡±


    ¡°What is it?¡±


    Athena thoughtfully gazed at Victoria. Showing your [Status Window] to another player you didn¡¯t know well was generally considered a bad idea, but since the cursed princess had spontaneously shared hers during her earlier explanation ¨C the impossible number of magical affinities had left her speechless for a few seconds ¨C, the Shield Bearer didn¡¯t hesitate much.


    After rapidly skimming through the information and mumbling to herself for a couple minutes, the Bloodsoul Mage eventually let out a:


    ¡°Oh¡­ so it¡¯s like this. Interesting.¡±


    ¡°What is?¡±


    The hot-tempered woman was feeling impatient again, but was also starting to understand that trying to force things out of the crazy dhampir wouldn¡¯t work well and would probably backfire, so she managed to talk calmly.


    ¡°Well, I am right to think you didn¡¯t possess any magical affinity before?¡±


    ¡°Yes. And my alignment switched from Neutral to Darkness. ¡±


    ¡°Mmmh¡­ Yes, it makes sense. Then I guess it came from me.¡±


    ¡°Does it mean I¡¯ll be able to use magic?¡±


    ¡°Probably not. Maybe very basic spells, but your INT and WIS really aren¡¯t up to the task. However, now that you¡¯ve unlocked the affinities, which is the most difficult part, you should gain some defence bonuses against magical attacks and there is also the possibility of levelling them through mana backlash.¡±


    ¡°Mana backlash?¡± Athena didn¡¯t even bother mentioning the [Help] menu anymore.


    ¡°Yes. Basically, it means getting hit by magic raises your affinity to the specific element. A bit like someone throw into deep water will learn to swim on their own.¡±


    ¡°If they don¡¯t drown first.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the purpose of the analogy.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I see.¡±


    ¡°However¡­¡±


    ¡°However?¡± she didn¡¯t like the sound of that.


    ¡°Hehe¡­ that¡¯s silly¡­ but normally those affinities were originally mine.¡±


    ¡°Yes, you said that already.¡±


    ¡°No, I mean¡­ mine, not Seras¡¯.¡±


    Victoria had explained the nickname earlier, a bit disappointed that the overly serious Shield Bearer didn¡¯t get the reference.


    Somehow understanding what the princess meant, Athena made a difficult face.


    ¡°So¡­ It shouldn¡¯t have happened?¡±


    ¡°Right. It would make sense only Seras¡¯ ability would be partially transferred, but you got the full package instead.¡±


    ¡°Which means¡­¡±


    ¡°That something went wrong and that removing the [Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound] subclass might be a tad more difficult than expected?¡±


    ¡°YOU!¡±


    The irascible woman finally snapped and caught Victoria by the throat, lifting her of the ground and slamming her in the wall next to the door.


    *rumble*


    ¡°Hahargh¡­ I can feel the [Strength] stat¡­ *wheeze* truly amazing¡­¡±


    ¡°YOU SAID YOU COULD REMOVE THIS MISFIT CLASS!!!¡±


    ¡°I- *wheeze* I said it was ¡®possible¡¯, which is totally differeeaaargh¡­¡±


    ¡°I DON¡¯T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IMPORTANT THIS CHARACTER IS FOR ME?! I NEED THIS!! I CAN¡¯T¡­¡±


    This is bad, Victoria thought.


    Athena wasn¡¯t strangling her per say, but the added effect of the out-of-control Shield Bearer¡¯s absurd STR and the Bloodsoul Mage¡¯s own pathetic one, plus the fact some aftereffects of the aborted curse transfer still lingered, were causing her already small health pool to dwindle at an alarming pace.


    I didn¡¯t want to do this, but¡­


    Focusing her mana into her eyes, the dhampir princess voicelessly activated [Bewitching Eye]. As she had first guessed, the skill was indeed some sort of hypnotism, somehow based on both the [Charism] and [Willpower] stats, along with the [Charm] trait. It was both an active and passive skill, meaning it was always effective but that she could actually increase the potency if willingly using mana for it.


    ¡°Athena, it hurts. Stop. Please,¡± she pleaded, her voice suddenly dropping an octave and filling with seductiveness.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Action impossible. The target is immune to [Bewitching Eye].


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°WHAaaagh?!¡±


    Fortunately for her spine, in spite of the skill being completely inefficient, Victoria¡¯s actions did reap some results, as the deliriously shouting near-berserker Shield Bearer suddenly focused her blood-shot glare on the air before her eyes.


    ¡°[Vampiric Control Immunity]? What¡­¡±


    Then she finally seemed to calm down a bit and noticed the frail woman struggling to breathe. Her eyes widened in horror and she hastily released her grasp. Victoria fell on the ground, painfully short-winded.


    ¡°Ha¡­ Haha¡­ Ha¡­ Ha¡­¡±


    ¡°I-I-I¡¯m so so-sorry¡­ I¡¯m such a¡­ I didn¡¯t want to¡­¡±


    ¡°Ha¡­ *cough* Ha¡­ Hahaha¡­ Ha¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m always a-¡±


    ¡°Ha-HahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!¡±


    ¡°¡­Eh?¡±


    ¡°HAHAHA!! This is sooo great! Hahahaha!¡±


    Athena stared in worried confusion at the princess who was rolling on the stone floor, holding her sides laughing.


    Oh no! What have I done?! Did the lack of oxygen got to her brain? Wait¡­ this is a game, that shouldn¡¯t be possible.


    ¡°Vi-Victoria?¡±


    ¡°Hahahaha¡­ Uuuuh¡­ Hahahaha¡­ You¡­ You¡¯re completely nuts, you know that?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. Sometimes I just snap and lose control and¡­¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­¡± Wiping her teary eyes, Victoria got up and waved her hand to express she didn¡¯t mind.


    Then, she abruptly closed in on the dejected woman¡¯s face, standing tiptoe to reach her ear, and whispered in a malicious voice: ¡°Oh, by the way, I like girls too.¡±


    And, leaving the stunned Shield Bearer behind, she entered the room.


    Athena followed a good minute later.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°Thi-this is the item you were talking about?¡±


    ¡°Indeed, my fair strangler. Indeed¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­ I can¡¯t accept someth-¡±


    ¡°T-t-t-t-t! It¡¯s mine, so I do whatever I want with it. What would I need it for? It¡¯s not like I can wear it.¡±


    The ¡°item¡± in question was a dazzling full-body armour, short of its helmet. Extremely delicate, entirely of silver and gold, with its breastplate decorated with a roaring lion drawn up on its posterior legs, the gear looked more like a parade equipment than something that could be of any practical use.


    However Victoria, who had checked its stats beforehand, knew the magic armour was far from useless.


    Actually, the room they were in right now used to be full of armours, probably once owned by the successive knights to fall victims to Seras¡¯ curse. Now only naked dummies remained, their uniforms stripped off them and sent to the headquarters of Horizon. The only reason why this one was still there was because Victoria had intended to use it herself after being freed from the curse, since Elric¡¯s Runic armour ¨C which had been experimental, contrary to this masterpiece ¨C had shattered after facing Kalameet, four months ago.


    As it now seemed she would be stuck in this weak princess body for a while more ¨C not that she complained ¨C giving the unused piece of first class equipment to Athena as a thank-you gift for breaking the curse ¨C be it partially ¨C seemed the logical thing to do.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Athena continued to voicelessly stare at the flashy armour, her face red from both shame and embarrassment as the earlier events replayed in a loop in her mind.


    ¡°I¡­ I really can¡¯t accept.¡±


    ¡°Just take it. It belonged to an idiot with no control over his killing impulses in the first place, so maybe it¡¯s fate.¡±


    Athena raised an interrogative eyebrow, to which Victoria designated herself.


    ¡°My ex-husband.¡±


    ¡°WHA-¡±


    ¡°Well, Seras¡¯. Ambrose Corbin, seventh of the name or something¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡­¡±


    For the first time in a long period, Athena had neither the energy nor any will left to raise her voice.


    ¡°AAAAAH!!¡± Victoria, on the other hand, was pissed for some reason. ¡°Stop tergiversating!! You take it, or I melt it!¡±


    ¡°Wha- ?! Don¡¯t do that! Something so valuable!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t care. If the person I want to give it to doesn¡¯t want it, then I have no use for it! Better throw it away. *inhale* HEAR MY COMMAND FIRE MIGHTY!! NOW FORM A SPHER-¡±


    ¡°NONONONONONO!!  I¡¯ll take it. I¡¯ll take it!¡±


    ¡°See¡­ I knew you would like it.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Victoria inwardly chuckled at her successful bluff.


    Although It was true she had used the past four months to accomplish some rituals and once again gain access to a few spells, those were mostly weak ones like [Fireball], [Wind Blade], [Water Shield], [Rock Bullet] et cetera, as well as the three basic Soul Spells. The advanced magic mentioned in Corbin¡¯s Grimoire, as she named it, required many rare ingredients, when she even knew what the book was talking about. As such, nothing in her current arsenal would have left even a scratch on Ambrose¡¯ Runic armour.


    Probably, Athena hadn¡¯t needed too much convincing either. The incantation for [Fireball] wasn¡¯t so difficult to identify and the Shield Bearer seemed to be the kind who would memorize all the common spells even if she couldn¡¯t use them.


    Quickly switching gear, Victoria went behind the tall woman and began pushing her towards the armour.


    Or tried too¡­ since she couldn¡¯t make the muscular tank budge a millimetre.


    Not bothered by the inefficiency of her actions, the frail princess continued while talking excitedly:


    ¡°Come on! I¡¯m sure it will look great on you! The armour is called the [Lion of Courage] by the way. It can adapt to its wearer¡¯s body, and like its name implies, it boost the [Willpower] sta- Ah! But it can only be worn if¡­ But you have it. Right, it was also a condition for the gorgon shield¡­ Good. Good. Well, what are you waiting for? Try it on!¡±


    Surrendering to her companion¡¯s enthusiasm, Athena took a few steps towards the armour.


    *thud*


    ¡°Ow¡­¡±


    Victoria hadn¡¯t anticipated the sudden movement and was now face on the floor. Athena sighed and helped the clumsy princess up, then adopted a puzzled look as Victoria ragingly removed a ring from her left middle finger and began to copiously insult the accessory. The Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound decided it was better leaving said Porgenitor to her antics, and once again stepped towards the [Lion of Courage].


    She then put a hand on the breastplate, and said:


    ¡°Equip.¡±


    The armour briefly turned into light, before blinking out of existence and reappearing on Athena¡¯s body, perfectly fitting her as Victoria had claimed. Incidentally, the person in question had finally put the [Calamity Ring] back in her [Inventory] and was now staring attentively at the Shield Bearer in her new equipment.


    ¡°Haha! I knew it would suit you! How does it feel?¡±


    ¡°Great actually. You were right this-¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Due to your ownership of a piece of the [Cursed Scales Guard], the true nature of the [Lion of Courage] has been unsealed.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°WHAT NOW?!¡±


    ¡°Is something wrong?¡± Victoria asked in a worried tone.


    Before Athena could answer, the [Cursed Gorgon Shield] suddenly appeared on her right arm and its miasma began to engulf her whole body. The silver became pitch-black and the gold a nauseating purple red, while the head of a mean-looking goat grew from the shoulder of the lion and its tail turned into a hissing snake, the overall appearance of the beast changing from strong and proud to sick and murderous.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have obtained the [Cursed Chimera Armour].


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Matching the shield, the transformed armour was now too exuding a gloomy feeling and was surrounded in a reddish haze.


    ¡°A-Athena, are you alright?¡± asked a worried-sounding Victoria, though her concern was somewhat belied by sparkling eyes and an uncontrollable twitching at the corner of her lips.


    Not bothering to answer, Athena just glared reproachfully at the princess. A glare that could easily be interpreted as ¡°ANSWERS! NOW!¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­ Eeeeh¡­ Right. [Hereditary Memory]?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''> Cursed Chimera Armour


    [Cursed Scales Guard] pieces possessed by current owner: 2/3</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Type:</td><td colspan=''2''>Defensive Gear, Cursed Artefact</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Restrictions:</td><td colspan=''2''>200+ STR, 30+ Willpower</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Defense:</td><td width="25%">69</td><td width="25%">Durability:</td><td width="25%">100/100</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>


    An ancient armour forged during the Twilight War, part of the [Cursed Scales Guard] set, and imbued with the soul of a dreadful monster.


    The Chimera was once a mighty beast feared for its strength and rage. With the body of a mutated lion bearing a supernumerary goat head and a poisonous snake as its tail, it symbolised the impossible and the absurd. Legend has it that the Chimera was in fact able to increase its own power by absorbing other beings and assimilating their strengths, and such is the power of this armour forged with the remains of the creature.


    However be careful, for the power of the Chimera is a treacherous one and this armour will seek to drown its owner in the mindless rage of the beast.


    Special Attributes:


    - [Defence] and [Durability] will increase as the armour absorbs materials stronger than itself.


    - New abilities may arise.


    Curse Effects:


    - Will inflict the [Berserk] status to its wearer if their health drops under 10%.


    - As long as the [Cursed Chimera Armour] recognises one as its owner, no other armour can be equipped.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Victoria began to sweat.


    ¡°So?¡± the Shield Bearer asked in a dangerously calm voice.


    The very pale beauty slowly lifted her gaze to meet the tall woman¡¯s narrowed eyes, and replied in a tensed shaky voice:


    ¡°Eeeehehe¡­ It-It¡¯s a great armour?¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    At first, I had intended to have Victoria and Athena leave Bluerose this chapter, then I hit the 9k mark and noticed I was still far from my objective, so I split it instead of rushing it. Well, unfortunately, that means more chapters¡­ Such a shame. It¡¯s devastating, I know¡­


    Anyway, I think this is a good chapter. Maybe a bit too much dialogues, or maybe confusing PoVs¡­ If you were confused, I apologize. I don¡¯t want to have a story where I strictly segment which part is whose PoV, so I use a third person narration. But, since Elric/Victoria had been alone until now, I¡¯m still experimenting. Don¡¯t hesitate to complain.


    Soooo¡­ with that said, thanks you for reading, and see you next chapter for the dungeon break¡­ hopefully.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Chapter</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.24 – Dungeon Break

    Chapter 24 ¨C Dungeon Break


    Pumbaa: ¡°Shall we run for our lives?¡±


    Timon: ¡°Oh yes, let''s.¡±


    Pumbaa, Timon: ¡°AAAAAAAAAAH!¡±


    ¨C The Lion King 1 ?


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    ¡°Owowowowowow¡­¡±


    No, these echoing melodious modulations weren¡¯t the mating call of a stammering canis lupus, but the sound of the shaman White-Bat-Who-Coughs-Blood-Under-The-Pale-Moonlight-Of-Early-Winter-But-Not-Too-Early-More-Like-A-Third-In-When-The-Snow-Is-Already-Thick-But-Not-Enough-to-Go-Skiing-Early-Winter ¨C It sounded better in the original language. ¨C who was performing the ancestral choreography known as the ¡°Pain Dance¡±. For this tribal rite, the performer held their head between their hands, crouched to the ground and swayed back and forth like the proud mushroom under the wind, while chanting the traditional babble supposed to exorcise the suffering felt.


    Truly magnificent¡­


    *nom**nom**nom*


    ¡°¡­owowowow. It hurts! Damn, you violent woman!¡± Victoria complained as she stood up. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯re the reason there is a ¡®bear¡¯ in Shield Bearer. You Bear Shield! Kumashi!¡± <1>


    ¡°Oh. Stop whining. You deserved it this time, and I didn¡¯t even hit you that hard.¡±


    ¡°Maybe, but I am that weak! I¡¯m a delicate flower that should be treated with care!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve never been a flower person.¡±


    *nom**nom**nom*


    ¡°¡­ I¡¯d guess that.¡±


    ¡°Anyway. Now I¡¯m stuck with a cursed shield AND a cursed armour. Do you at least have some idea how to ¡®feed¡¯ the [Gorgon Shield]?¡±


    *nom**nom**nom*


    ¡°¡­ Well¡­ About that¡­¡±


    *nom**nom**nom*


    ¡°¡­ If I could hazard a guess¡­¡±


    *nom**nom**nom*


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ That skull has been munching on my dress for quite some time now.¡±


    *nom**nom**nom*


    The shield had previously equipped itself on its own accord, in order to unseal the [Chimera Armour], and Athena was yet to unequip it. Both the women lowered their gazes towards the decorative snake-haired skull, which was mechanically masticating the hem of Victoria¡¯s white garment.


    *nom**nom**no-


    As if noticing the puzzled stares, the metal head stopped its chewing and ¡°looked¡± up, two red light dots in its empty sockets acting as ghostly pupils and switching alternatively between the two bipeds in the room. A few seconds of awkward silence passed, then the skull reported its attention back to the delicious piece of cloth, ignoring the irrelevant onlookers.


    *nom**nom**nom*


    ¡°HEY!!¡± Simultaneous shouts. ¨C This is becoming a slapstick comedy¡­


    The shield didn¡¯t even seem to hear them though.


    Unwilling to get stripped by a cannibalistic piece of equipment, Victoria tried to pull her dress out of the skull¡¯s jawbones, but couldn¡¯t achieve anything with her puny strength. More practical, Athena sent the shield back to her [Inventory], where it obediently disappeared, but not without taking a good chunk of the white dress with it.


    Once again, Victoria didn¡¯t anticipate and fell backwards on the floor.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 19 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    As she vindictively cursed Newton¡¯s Third Law <2>, gravity and physics in general, the dhampir accepted Athena¡¯s helping and got back up. Then she noticed the tall woman¡¯s gaze, and looked down at her own appearance.


    Victoria was now wearing a very risqu¨¦ raggedy slit dress, and her slim left leg was sliding out, revealing its smooth white skin and part of a panty waistband. Not even bothering to look apoplectic, Athena was clearly enjoying the view, a faint smirk on her serious face.


    ¡°Oh! Stop with this ¡®that¡¯s karma¡¯ self-satisfied attitude! Weren¡¯t you acting all shy earlier?¡±


    ¡°Earlier is earlier. Now is now. There¡¯s a definite difference between the ridiculous display of a princess hanging upside-down flashing her transparent underwear for the whole world to see and your current erotically teasing appearance.¡±


    ¡°Ero¡­¡±


    Athena suddenly noticed what she just said and her face reddened like a sunburned tomato.


    ¡°Oh! Now you¡¯re blushing?! So it¡¯s not only your fists, you¡¯ve no control over your mouth either? In fact, I think you have no control at all¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    The tall woman looked away, unable to deny the princess¡¯ statement, and Victoria just let her shoulder drop with an indulgent smile. Somehow she was just as unable to stay annoyed at Athena for more than fifteen seconds. Well, she usually never stayed angry for long, as it require too much concentration to constantly recall at what she was supposed to be angry, but she still found Athena¡¯s tantrum especially endearing.


    *sigh* ¡°Anyway¡­ At least now we know what the shield needs.¡±


    Athena thought she had just been left off the hook, like a turbulent kid by her lenient mother, something that hadn¡¯t happened in a long time. It was a weird sensation, a tad pride-crushing, but not unpleasant. She was a bit surprised too, because Victoria seemed like the kind of childish person who would hold grudges, yet the princess had shown no hints of anger even after repeatedly being abused.


    Well, Vicotria did protest a bit and even called her a bear, but Athena had the feeling ¨C though she wasn¡¯t very good with humour ¨C that Victoria¡¯s purpose was more to place a bad pun than to actually insult her. The Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound was starting to understand that her ¡°master¡± simply went at her own pace and that common expectations shouldn¡¯t be used to anticipate her mood.


    Therefore not sure how to react ¨C a feeling she was progressively getting used to ¨C, Athena carefully asked:


    ¡°The shield¡­ eats clothes?¡±


    In her usual thinking pose, Victoria distractedly replied:


    ¡°Mmmh¡­ clothes¡­ yes¡­ no¡­ Magical items more likely. I would have preferred clothes, it would have been cheaper. And it could become a problem if Jelly was-¡±


    ¡°Jelly?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the name of the shield. I first thought of ¡®Skull Face¡¯ or ¡®Snake Wig¡¯, but ¡®Skull Face¡¯ isn¡¯t judicious given the number of undead in the area. It would just get confusing. And though I like ¡®Snake Wig¡¯, it sounds a bit too silly. Since the most famous gorgon is of course Medusa, whose name in French is M¨¦duse, which also means jellyfish, the name of the shield should be ¡®Jelly¡¯, obviously.¡±


    ¡°Obviously¡­¡±


    ¡°Obviously,¡± Victoria nodded. ¡°Anyway, what I wanted to say was that it will become a problem if Jelly starts to eat magical items on her own accord like that.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ The shield is female now?¡±


    ¡°Of course, since her name comes from Medusa! Try to follow a bit. So, where was I? ¡­Ah, right. If she starts eating things right and left, we could lose something important. Actually, we should do more tests later, just to be sure, and we should also check if she really is sentient or if this was simply something akin an automated feeding program. The description did say the shield was imbued with the soul of a gorgon, so¡­ Aaaah! I want to do those experiments right now!¡± She shook her head like to get rid of something, then added: ¡°But, first, we should get out of here.¡±


    Athena nodded.


    ¡°I agree. Safe area or not, experimenting in the middle of a dungeon is still dangerous.¡±


    ¡°Oh. That¡¯s not it. I¡¯ve done plenty of funny things in dungeons. I¡¯m just sick of this place.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I see.¡± The Shield Bearer didn¡¯t attempt to fix, or even comment, the princess¡¯ deficient common sense.


    ¡°Although, since we¡¯re going to travel together for a while at least, let¡¯s set some base rules.¡±


    ¡°What kind of rules?¡± Athena asked, sounding a bit wary.


    Although Victoria didn¡¯t strike her as the kind who would discriminate ¨C be it only because she didn¡¯t care ¨C, the Shield Bearer had a long experience of being taken advantage of. As a tank without a party, she had had several times to almost beg her way into other¡¯s in order to access high level dungeons.


    One could wonder why she didn¡¯t simply went solo, but there was a reason why she thought she wasn¡¯t able too. Everyone couldn¡¯t be Elric and just cumulate both great offence and high defence, so even if Athena the Shield Bearer was able to singlehandedly ¨C though slowly ¨C slay a boss if she fought all out, there was always the problem of being outnumbered by weaker monsters. Her health pool may be exceptionally large, but it wasn¡¯t inexhaustible for the cause. Several time she had ended up surrounded and, without enough attack power to kill her enemies fast, she eventually died under the piled up small damages. Long range and magical foes also weren¡¯t a threat to disregard.


    As such, the most rational way to tackle a dungeon was to belong to a party. Because of the overall dislike towards tank players though, statements like ¡°let¡¯s set some rules¡± were rarely followed with pleasant words.


    Actually, since a gap larger than thirty levels prevented adventures from partying together, this option was already crossed out here. However there were plenty of other ways to be unfair so Athena reflexively switched to a defensive mind-set.


    She needn¡¯t have worried though.


    ¡°Rule one. No inopportune punching. I am fragile, so try and behave. Rule two. No talk about real life matters. I don¡¯t mean full-on RP, just no personal talk. Rule three. You call the shots. I¡¯ll guide you out of here, and I have a business to take care of near the exit of Nowhere, but I have no plans whatsoever for what comes after. And planning is a hassle, so you do it. The only thing I know for sure right now is that I want to be with you, therefore I¡¯ll just tag along with whatever you feel like doing from now on. Is that okay?¡±


    Athena blinked, speechless.


    From her words, it was clear Victoria already considered this a long-term relationship, something the prudent Shield Bearer wouldn¡¯t have even thought of before at least a couple weeks of cooperation. As for the nature of said relationship, what the princess had said was confusing at best.


    In fact, Victoria had just thoughtlessly stated her objective, but the words ¡°I want to be with you¡± were still looping in Athena¡¯s mind.


    ¡°Wha¡­¡± she began, but stopped.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± was what Athena was about to say. However she herself wasn¡¯t sure what she wanted those words to mean. True, their first meeting had been less than two hours ago, but Victoria was a beauty, a beauty with an unstable personality who upset Athena¡¯s pace and had done nothing but cause her trouble, but who also acted as if nothing happened after being subjected to several of her uncontrolled fits of rage.


    The strangest of it was, as far as Athena could tell, that Victoria sincerely didn¡¯t care. At all. Up to now, aside from her mom and sis, people would always become wary of her once they had seen her completely snap. She could tell, even if some were sensitive enough to try and hide it, pretending it didn¡¯t bother them. And that was only some. Most actually just called her a ¡°psycho bitch¡± and ordered her to never get close to them ever again, which she could understand.


    Victoria however, instead of looking afraid or even angry, had¡­ laughed. Laughed and treated her like she was some funny klutz who had spilled tea on her dress, and not someone who had just almost strangled her to death for no decent reason.


    Athena couldn¡¯t understand.


    With her feelings constantly dancing between annoyance, surprise, irritation and gratitude, the tall woman really didn¡¯t know what she actually felt towards the crazy princess.


    Unable to find an answer, she decided to leave the matter aside for now. After all, the self-proclaimed Deep Explorer had promised to guide Athena out of here, which the latter guessed also included escorting her back to the Tame Zone. The journey promised to be long, which gave the confused Shield Bearer plenty of time to clarify her feelings.


    Aside from her inner turmoil, Athena had no problem agreeing to Victoria¡¯s ¡°rules¡±. She was curious as to why the princess banned the topic of real life, but, if anything, she understood there were some things people didn¡¯t want to tell about themselves. She actually was grateful to Victoria for allowing her to avoid the subject without making it awkward. The princess, on the other hand, had no confidence in her ability to discuss her life without letting ¡°her¡± true gender slip, so she thought just shutting up was the safest option.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After pondering on unrelated issues for a while, Athena finally gave her assent. The dhampir princess flashed a happy fanged smile, spun around, and enthusiastically began to walk towards the door.


    ¡°Wait, aren¡¯t you going to change?¡±


    ¡°Why? You like it that way,¡± Victoria replied with a shrug as she stepped out of the room.


    *rumble* *rumble*


    The answer once more left the tall woman¡¯s mouth hanging open, but a self-derisive rapidly began to creep its way on her lips.


    *rumble**RUMBLE**CRAK*


    Suddenly, a wide fissure opened in the ceiling. Victoria looked back and her eyes widened as a large four poster bed tumbled down in the empty armoury, along with innumerable blocks of stone, right atop of her. Seeing this, Athena¡¯s smile instantaneously withered and her brain went into overdrive. She dodged a falling rock, then another, and dived like a rugby player scoring a try, catching the stunned princess and using her own body as a shield against the ceiling avalanche.


    A wooden leg of the bed violently hit her back and both of the girls were propelled in the staircase outside the room. Yet, twisting her body unlike what could be expected from someone wearing a full-body armour, Athena managed to be the one landing first. The shock ejected all the air out of her lungs, but thankfully the damage was small. Worried, she looked at a dishevelled Victoria laying on her chest.


    The dhampir was holding her abnormally bent left arm, face twisted in pain, and gasping for air. For the first time in four months, she cursed this body that wasn¡¯t even able to endure a little fall without breaking.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°Yes. It¡¯s just a crack.¡± Victoria¡¯s sharp tone didn¡¯t allow any refutation.


    She sat down on the floor in the stone dust, took a piece of cloth out of her [Inventory], as well as a few wooden sticks she kept to train her [Carving] skill, and skilfully made a makeshift splint with Athena¡¯s help. In Untold Tales, adventurers would never heal badly except in some specific cases, but tending to the wounds always helped speed up the recovery process. Besides, a broken limb hanging lose hurt like hell.


    ¡°You seem quite used to this,¡± the Soulbound commented.


    ¡°I am. Though I¡¯d like [Survival] hadn¡¯t been reset to beginner one. I still remember how to do it, but the bonuses would have been welcomed. ¡±


    Athena let out an impressed whistle. [Survival] was an advanced skill that could only be obtained by the merging of all the basic skills related to outdoor survival, from [First Aid] and [Bandaging] to [Emergency Cooking] including [Mycosis Immunity]. On top of giving the player high resistance to most of the common pathogens found in nature, it also decreased the stamina consumption and increased the healing speed of treated wounds even if rudely bandaged, instead of simply stopping the health loss.


    Because parties almost always had either a designated healer or a sufficient stock of potions, levelling up [Bandaging] enough to have it evolve into an advanced skill was considered ¨C quite literally ¨C a pain. Therefore, despite its usefulness, adventurers with [Survival] were quite rare and almost exclusively solo players. Even if Athena knew Victoria¡¯s current appearance was the result of a curse, hearing this frail girl casually mentioning a skill only possessed by confirmed bushwhackers was still somewhat unbelievable, especially right after she broke her arm by merely bumping a bit too hard in a wall.


    Having completed her makeshift mending with a sling, Victoria stood up and peeked inside the devastated armoury. The large and fluffy bed that used to be in the bedchamber at the top of the tower was now laying broken ¨C and a lot less fluffy ¨C in the middle of the room, covered and surrounded by heaps of rubbles.


    She took another step inside, and looked up at the ceiling, or what was left of it as a gaping hole now gave a good view of the four above floors.


    ¡°Pfiuuu¡­ Is this what they call une descente de lit ?¡± <3>


    ¡°Is it really the time to speak French?¡± Athena had followed her inside the room.


    ¡°Mais voyons, mon amie, il est toujours temps de parler la langue de Mol- Ow! Did you just punch an injured person? I thought we had agreed not t-¡±


    ¡°You said no ¡®inopportune¡¯ punching. A bed just fell down four floors and you¡¯re speaking foreign nonsense. I thought a wakeup call was opportune.¡±


    ¡°Right¡­¡± Victoria reported her attention to the wreckage in front of her.


    To allow people from all over the world to play, the game actually included a translation system. However, since Whatever liked to make things more lively, this automated translator only worked with the main language a player registered when creating their account, so talking foreign was possible.


    Incidentally, the official language of Belgium had been switched to English twenty years prior <4> to put an end to the incessant feud between French-speaking, Dutch-speaking and German-speaking people. Rumour has it that, in the middle a umpteenth stormy meeting over that very matter, the King <5>, who was present, had left the room furious and shouted to all the ministers ¡°GO FUCK YOURSELVES!! ALL OF YOU!!¡±, of course in English, which everyone agreed was a very good idea.


    Politics¡­ But let¡¯s not digress any further.


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ Yes¡­ important¡­ cannot leave it¡­ yes¡­¡±


    Victoria walked up to the bed, mumbling and carefully avoiding the wood splinters as to not injure her bare foots.


    ¡°Is there something?¡±


    ¡°Mmmh¡­ Wha? Oh-oh! Found it!!¡±


    ¡°What? Do you know what happened?¡±


    Smiling broadly, the princess triumphantly brandished a miraculously unscathed, if a bit dirty, pillow.


    ¡°It¡¯s safe!¡±


    ¡°WHO CARES ABOUT A FREAKING PILLOW?!¡±


    ¡°I do!¡± Victoria pouted and clung to the large dusty cushion, directing a theatrically reproachful glare towards Athena. ¡°Ma Fluffy! Don¡¯t worry Fluffy, Mommy will protect you from the mean woman.¡±


    ¡°YO-¡±


    *RUMBLE-RUMBLE-RUMBLE*


    A loud sound evoking the fall of large boulders echoed in the distance, and Athena interrupted her shouting to stare apprehensively at the ceiling. Then a knocking on her armoured elbow made her look down again and she noticed Victoria was already back next to her.


    *rumblerumblerumble*


    ¡°We should run,¡± the princess said with a tensed smile.


    ¡°Uh?¡±


    ¡°I just remembered what was bothering me since I passed through the window.¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­ well, this castle is really old¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°And it¡¯s a miracle it isn¡¯t falling apart.¡±


    ¡°Yes?!¡±


    ¡°I think the only thing that kept it up was the barrier.¡±


    ¡°YE- Oh.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *RUMBLE**CRACK**RUMBLE**BAM**CRACK**RUMBLE*


    ¡°YOU SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED EARLIER!!!¡±


    ¡°HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE ENTIRE CASTLE WOULD COLLAPSE?!¡±


    ¡°YOU JUST SHOULD HAVE!!¡±


    ¡°WHO SAI- ROCK!! LEFT!¡±


    In the staircase of a dark collapsing tower, in the thundering noise of falling rocks and cracking walls and the angry shouts of two women, a strange spectacle was taking place: a tall dark knight with cursed armour, piggybacking a thin pale girl with white dress, clinging to a dusty red pillow with soft¡­ stuffing.


    Athena, Victoria and Fluffy, improbable trio, were running for their lives ¨C though Fluffy didn¡¯t really care, as he was a depressed pillow ¨C, or, more precisely, Athena was running for their lives. Victoria would have fainted from exhaustion if she ever tried to outspeed a slug, and Fluffy was legless ¨C poor Fluffy.


    Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Athena sped up while Victoria continued to multitask, shouting at the irascible Shield Bearer and simultaneously using her voice for [Echolocation] ¨C still available out of bat-mode, though less accurate ¨C in order to direct them in the corridor where the sodomites Will-o''-the-wisps had apparently died out along the barrier.


    The dhampir suddenly ¡°heard¡± the space around them widening and deduced they had reached the throne room.


    *RUMBLE**RUMBLE**BAM**CRACK**RUMBLE*


    ¡°THRONE! JUMP OVER!! CAREFUL WITH THE STAIRS!!!¡±


    ¡°I KNOW THAT! I REMBEMBER THE DISPOSITION OF THE ROOM!!!¡±


    ¡°HOW?!¡±


    ¡°I HAVE A GOOD MEMORY!! FOCUS ON THE FALLING ROCKS!!¡±


    ¡°HOW CAN SOMEONE HAVE SUCH A- RIGHT!!!¡±


    Athena abruptly ducked to the left and Victoria felt she was going to throw up. She had never had motion sickness before, but since motion sickness occurred when there existed a disagreement between what the eyes saw and the vestibular system''s sense of movement ¨C useless trivia ¨C it might be possible that similar problem could happen with [Echolocation]. Difficult to confirm without asking a bat¡­ or a vampire¡­


    *CRACK**RUMBLE**BAM**BAM**RUMBLE*


    As the pair ¨C Fluffy had been sent back to his slot in the [Inventory] for asking ¡°Are we there yet?¡± too often ¨C crossed the vast room under a rain of stones, the Bloodsoul Mage suddenly felt a weird¡­ poking and she unconsciously turned her head to the left, catching glimpse of a bluish sparkle in the darkness.


    Ah!


    *CRACK**CRACK**RUMBLE*


    ¡°STOP!!¡± Victoria shouted.


    ¡°WHAT?!¡±


    ¡°GO TOWARDS THAT COLUMN!!¡±


    ¡°WHICH COLUMN?!¡±


    ¡°THAT COLLUMN!!¡±


    ¡°WHER-¡±


    The blue light once more flashed.


    *RUMBLE**CRACK**RUMBLE**BAM**CRACK**CRUMBLE*


    ¡°WHAT¡¯s THAT?!¡±


    ¡°KALAMEET PROBABLY!¡±


    ¡°THE DRAGON?!¡±


    ¡°NO! JUST THE [MANA GEM] HOLDING THE SOUL!!¡±


    ¡°SHOULDN¡¯T THE UNDEAD DISAPEAR IF THE CURSE IS COLLAPSING?!?!¡±


    ¡°KALAMEET IS SPECIAL!! I THINK HE WAS PART OF THE ORIGINAL CASTLE DEFENCE!! WHAT GOT DISCONNECTED IS ONLY THE LEY LINE POWERING THE RUNIC CIRCLE!!¡±


    ¡°WHAT¡¯S A LEY LI-¡±


    *BRAM*


    A boulder as large as a small house crashed into the floor a few metres away from them. Athena tacitly agreed the explanation about ley lines could wait, rushed to the faintly glowing spot and ripped the crystal off its socket. Without magical power, the ostrich-egg-sized [Mana Gem] easily came out. After passing it to Victoria, who sent Kalameet to play with Fluffy, the Shield Bearer spun around and dashed towards the exit, slaloming between the falling rocks and jumping over crevasses that would have sent them down in the underground labyrinth.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Headison was confused, confused and worried.


    A couple hours ago, a humongous power wave with an anguished feeling to it had swept across the castle, calling back from the abyss all the recently defeated undead far ahead of schedule. He had felt something was amiss ever since, and now his worst fear had come to pass as his beloved [Bluerose Castle] was crumbling before his very eyes.


    ¡°Eddy, what the hell is going on?¡±


    ¡°I have no idea Taz- TAZIUS!? You can talk?!¡±


    ¡°Oh! ¡­Yeah.¡±


    Tazius hadn¡¯t been able to even stutter a full sentence since that day.


    Edison lifted his severed head to stare at his friend, who blinked back at him with the same bewildered expression. In the eyes of the big [Dullahan], a long lost sparkle of mischievous intelligence was dancing yet again for the first time in two millennia. In fact, the Head Guard was surprised at how well and alert his second-in-command looked ¨C despite being still, well, dead.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± Edison whispered.


    *Bang**Bang**Bang*


    Both the [Dullahan] were startled and quickly pivoted their fleshy skulls towards the black metal door they were guarding.


    *Bang**Bang**Bang*


    The knocking sound resumed, even louder, and a high-pitched muffled shout echoed from behind the gate:


    ¡°¡­dison ¡­ can feel ¡­ou there ¡­pen this ¡­cking door ¡­¡±


    Tazius casted a sideway glance at his partner.


    ¡°Eddy, isn¡¯t that¡­?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I reckon it is¡­¡±


    *Bang**Bang**Bang* ¡°¡­ISON FOR ¡­UCK ¡­AKE¡­¡± *Bang*


    ¡°You should open.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s going against the king¡¯s order.¡±


    ¡°You opened for Ambrose Corbin back then.¡±


    ¡°And look at the mess that followed!¡±


    ¡°Eddy¡­ You¡¯ve always been too much of a stickler for rules. Open to the princess.¡±


    ¡°But she is¡­ and the kin-¡±


    ¡°The king is long dead, Eddy. And so are we. Even if we were told she turned into an unholy monster, aren¡¯t you and I proof that being a monster doesn¡¯t necessarily mean being a mindless beast? Even knowing the truth, are you going to let Princess Victoria, the last of the true royal line, perish simply so that you can be a dead guard who followed the orders of a dead king to the end? ARE YOU GOING TO BETRAY YOUR LIEGE, EDISON CORTVAR?!¡±


    Even before the cursed day when the Corbin entered the castle, Edison Cortvar and Tazius Prometh already had spent almost their whole life together. Edison helped keep Tazius¡¯ unruly temperament in check and Tazius prevented Edison from getting blinded by his stubbornness.


    Thanks to their teamwork, the two had climbed up the hierarchy of the Royal Guard up to the point they were appointed to the [Bluerose Castle], most secret base of the Erwynian Royalty. After the fortress became the princess¡¯ prison, they were two amongst the few who knew the truth about Victoria¡¯s condition.


    The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.


    However, they had forgotten all that, until today. Death and memory didn¡¯t work well together, and being turned undead by an untamed power had been painful enough on its own to damage their minds. The earlier mana wave had somehow revived this lost part of them, but neither knew how long the effect would last.


    Once again, Tazius hoped appealing to his friend¡¯s sense of duty would outweigh his single-minded obedience to the late king¡¯s orders. After a brief reflexion, Edison made up his mind and stepped towards the door as he took the key out of his pouch.


    *click-click-clonk**crrreeeeak*


    The old gate turned on its hinges with an unpleasant creak, and a tall deformed black and white creature rushed out of the throne room. Just in time too, as the opening was brutally obstructed by large piece of ceiling, filling the air with a dense cloud of grey dust.


    ¡°Damn! *cough* Headison! Wha- *cough* What took you so long?! *cough*¡±


    As the dust cleared out, the bicoloured creature revealed itself as a tall copper-haired warrior wearing a dirty ominous black armour and carrying a thin white girl.


    The pale young woman was barefoot, had an arm in a sling, and was wearing a once-immaculate dress that now was so tattered that Edison almost blushed, despite having no blood. Yet the combined effects of the passive [Nobility Aura] and instinctive recognition of one of the [Rulers of Darkness] instead made both the [Dullahan] kneel.


    ¡°My apologies, your Royal Highness. I was caught up in irrelevant considerations that unforgivably delayed my actions. My behaviour was unsightly for a member of the Royal Guard and I will accept whatever punishment you deem suitable,¡± Edison gravely declared, head lowered ¨C head that he was holding in his right hand, so it looked a little silly.


    Victoria and Athena¡¯s eyes widened at the scene. The Shield Bearer because she had never seen an undead act so civilised, and Victoria for another reason.


    ¡°Headison¡­ You¡­ You¡¯re talking norma-¡±


    *RUMBLE*


    ¡°Princess.¡± Tazius interjected in a clear voice, much to Victoria further bewilderment. ¡°Sorry for the interruption, but I think we¡¯d better get the hell out of here before we get buried under the castle. I don¡¯t know how Eddy and I would fare, but I¡¯m pretty sure you¡¯d croak, not to speak of your servant.¡±


    As high-level sentient undead, Tazius and Edison were sensitive to Soul Magic and thus able to perceive, if faintly, the link existing between the Progenitor and her Soulbound. With the overwhelming presence emanating from the dhampir princess, despite not having a single clue as to where this dark knight came from, they immediately assumed Athena was Victoria¡¯s subordinate.


    ¡°She¡¯s not my servant, but my friend,¡± the pale girl immediately retorted with a frown.


    Athena made a complicated face. She still wasn¡¯t used to her companion¡¯s way of rushing things. In the tall woman¡¯s opinion, they still were barely more than new acquaintances, but Victoria apparently lacked a few stages in her relationship scale.


    ¡°My apologies, your Royal Highness, to you and your¡­ friend. But Tazius is right. We should leave speedily,¡± Headison replied without giving any sign of moving.


    *RUMBLE**RUMBLE*


    ¡°Ah! Yes. Let¡¯s¡­ Eeeeh. Please raise your heads and guide us out.¡±


    ¡°Yes, your Highness!¡± both the undead guards replied as they got up.


    Walking up to the wall, Tazius extended an arm and pulled down a torch support. A low buzzing could then be heard and the stones split apart in fits and starts, revealing a dark tunnel just large enough for two slim people to walk side by side, or one very large armoured person.


    ¡°Good this thing still works,¡± the tall [Dullahan] commented.


    *RUMBLE**RUMBLE**CRAK*


    Seeing the princess interrogative look, Edison shook his head that he was still holding in his right hand, took the lead and then gestured them to follow. Tazius silently took the rear guard, closing the entrance behind them as rocks began to fall from the ceiling of the corridor.


    They began running in total darkness. The lack of light didn¡¯t seem to bother the two undead, and Victoria somehow managed with her [Dark Vision], but Athena was going blind and had to rely on the sound of Edison¡¯s footsteps and on her passenger¡¯s directions.


    After a while, the rumbling sounds faded. Edison turned his head backwards while still sprinting at full speed and finally answered the earlier unspoken question:


    ¡°This secret passage was built as an escape route in case of invasion and it has several entrances throughout the castle. Since it was supposed to resist even large scale magical assaults, it¡¯s far sturdier than the rest of Bluerose, but even then, I¡¯m afraid most of the exits collapsed over time. I¡¯m not sure myself as I rarely took it, however I know the exit closest to the castle still is accessible. It actually opens in the outer courtyard, between the main castle and the outer wall. Because the danger here is the collapsing building itself and not some besieging foe, I reckon this exit will do. I just hope we won¡¯t meet anything.¡±


    ¡°Would the other undead attack me?¡± Victoria asked.


    ¡°Most likely. Tazius and I are conscious enough to recognise you both as Princess and great dark existence, but most of the¡­ creatures,¡± his tone seemed somehow sad, ¡°in this castle are mindless animated corpses. If you can¡¯t use your powers to control them, the ones that don¡¯t fear you enough for what you are will attack you on sight.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean by great dark existence? As it something to do with the [Rulers of Darkness]?¡±


    Victoria remembered the gods of Light cursing her for being one of the [Rulers of Darkness], something she had no information about.


    ¡°I am sorry, your Highness.¡± Edison answered as he confidently turned left at a crossing. ¡°We just can feel the powerful dark energy surrounding you and our undead instincts tell us you are an existence to be feared and revered, but I can¡¯t be more specific. I think I recall some legends about those [Rulers of Darkness] you spoke of, something in relation to the Great War. But scarce is the information about what preceded the [Dark Age]. And I am unfortunately not very knowledgeable when it comes to History. I am truly ashamed not to be able to be of assistance.¡±


    The princess cast a rapid backwards glance at Tazius, who shook his head in apology, as he didn¡¯t know anything either.


    ¡°No, you¡¯re doing plenty already. Thank you,¡± Victoria said before pondering of what she just heard.


    The Great War, uh¡­ Somehow this turned out bigger than expected.


    Most NPCs living in areas the slightest bit civilized knew of the Great War and of the [Dark Age] that had followed. How not to? Those times of fear had only truly begun to end a little more than two years ago.


    The Great War had marked the end of what served as Antiquity for this world, or at least here on the Pandore Continent, a period locals called the [Magic Age]. For what Elric had gathered through his travels, it was a time when magical power was common, so much that even the humblest peasant would have possessed at least a bit of it. Back then Runic magic had been the norm and artefacts had been part of everyday life.


    Victoria supposed the [Twilight War] that her [Hereditary Memory] had revealed in the descriptions of Athena¡¯s shield and armour was another name for the Great War. It seemed very likely, although she had no proof. She felt like she had read the term somewhere before, but Elric had read so many obscure ancient texts over his two years of exploring and never bothered to remember what he didn¡¯t thought was relevant, so the current Victoria couldn¡¯t be sure.


    Information about the [Magic Age] was scarce, and about the Great War near inexistent. Nobody really knew what happened or why it happened. The only points scholars agreed on were that the conflict occurred roughly seven millennia ago, and caused the collapse of the ancient civilisation and an explosion in the number and strength of monsters, plunging the Continent into an age of chaos and dread.


    During the [Dark Age], newly discovered, or rediscovered, magic or technology would here or there keep the danger at bay for some time and allow a brief period of peace and prosperity, like it had seemed the case when Seras had been younger ¨C although the peculiar isolation of the Erwynian Kingdom might also have protected it somehow ¨C but those were fleeting dreams rapidly swallowed in the vast flow of History.


    Only the gods-sent arrival of the adventurers and their abnormal growth rate had truly started to tip the balance, resulting in the current existence of the Tamzon, separated from the Wild by the Frontier. However, even if local historians had readily baptized this era the [Great Rebirth], in truth only three kingdoms were already fully included in the Tame Zone, the ones abusively called the ¡°Three Superpowers¡±.


    In the West, near the [Cobalt Ocean] was [Firstland]. The capital [Start] was known as the world¡¯s commerce hub ¨C a bit pompous, but not untrue given the current state of things ¨C and many races lived in this country, especially human, elves and dwarves.


    Although the king was human, he had married an elf and their three children were halfs, including the princess whose birthday was coming soon. Both the sovereigns were kind and wise, so there was close to no discrimination in [Firstland]. Once the monster threat had been subdued, it had become a fairly good country to live in.


    North-East inland of [Firstland] was [Wesen], Kingdom of the Beasts, or beastmen actually. Although the country was theoretically ruled by the ¡°Beast King¡± in the capital [Faunia], it was actually more of a congregation of tribes who settled on the same territory and acknowledged a form of central government.


    Independent yet paradoxically animated by a strong feeling of kinship, beastmen would always stick together against exterior threats ¨C not including two tribes ripping each other guts ¨C which made the military power of [Wesen] a force to be reckoned with. Incidentally, Horizon¡¯s [Phoenix Castle] was situated in [Wesen], near its western border.


    South, and almost as large as the two other combined, was the [Holy Land of Altor], a human theocracy, whose capital [Lumiere] was historically the headquarters of the main religion in Pandore ¨C amongst humans at least. Although there was a king in Altor, the true power was undoubtedly in the hands of the Head Priest.


    The aforementioned religion was a polytheist faith with divinities of varying importance. The two Greater Gods were originally Chaos and Order, but Chaos¡¯ status had somewhat shifted towards a figure akin to the Christian Devil over the centuries. Not really surprising since it was difficult to imagine a popular religion happily advocating chaos as a doctrine. In fact, saying chaos was a doctrine was a contradiction in itself.


    Furthermore, for someone knowing Chaos in person, it was even less surprising that people considered him evil.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After spending several minutes unsuccessfully racking her brain to try and exhume some pertinent information about the [Twilight War], Victoria came to the logical conclusion that¡­ she didn¡¯t care. Her current interest was Athena, so what importance held Pandore¡¯s greatest historical mystery and a few measly millennia of horror and death?


    If the Shield Bearer somehow ended up wanting to dig deeper into this matter, then the Bloodsoul Mage was ready to become the world¡¯s expert on the [Magic Age] if necessary, but until then, the other [Rulers of Darkness], if there were any, could go fuck themselves for all she cared. <6>


    ¡°We¡¯re close to the exit,¡± Edison suddenly stated.


    ¡°Really?¡± Athena asked.


    She had stayed silent the whole run, leaving Victoria, who was distractedly guiding her, ponder on whatever the slim [Dullahan] had told her. The Shield Bearer herself didn¡¯t really care about this world¡¯s History and had no clue what this Great War was beyond NPC general knowledge.


    Because this concerned the odd princess though, Athena was becoming interested. However now wasn¡¯t the best time to ask, so she silently added the matter on her mental to-ask list and focused on not tripping in the dark tunnel.


    ¡°Yes,¡± Edison answered. ¡°One more turn an-¡±


    *RUMBLE*


    Victoria looked back along with Tazius, and both of them paled ¨C a notable feat for anything remotely undead.


    ¡°Eddy¡­¡± ¡°Athena¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°RUN!!¡±


    Behind them, the supposedly sturdy passageway was collapsing at an alarming rate, the tumbling rocks quickly gaining ground on their unusual group. Three pairs of legs abruptly accelerated and a princess suddenly felt like doing a little cheerleading to encourage her troops, but had to renounce by lack of pompoms.


    After a sharp turn left, the passage suddenly widened and a wall appeared before them in the distance. On first look, this appeared to be a dead end ¨C an appellation that too often turned into a bad pun ¨C and Athena wondered how they were going to open the hidden door in time, while Victoria thought she would have to sew herself a set of pompoms and a miniskirt.


    ¡°Tazius!¡±


    ¡°Hi, Sir!¡±


    On Edison¡¯s call, the big bulky [Dullahan] sped up even more, passed the two others and positioned himself in front, tilting his body for his left shoulder to face the wall and holding his head behind him under his right arm.


    They didn¡¯t plan on opening the door.


    *CRBAM*


    In a loud explosion of rock and dust, three dark knights, though only one with a head on her shoulder, and a laughing white girl sprung out of a wall and inside an faintly lit underground room, visibly connected to the outside, much to the bewilderment of the short green occupants of said underground room.


    Not paying attention to the stunned goblins, Tazius, Edison and Athena continued to run at full-speed towards the exit, while the rumbling sound rapidly swelled behind them. Victoria, on the other hand, scanned though the green populace in search of two familiar figures. Thankfully, Ru and Mia had somehow evolved to hobgoblins ¨C basically the same, but taller and a tad less dumb ¨C after taking the lead of what was left of their tribe, so they were a bit easier to spot among the mass of their seemingly identical cousins.


    Having located the couple, the princess on her black mount shouted:


    ¡°KASSEL BROK! REN AVEY!!¡±


    She had picked up goblin language too over her months of peek¡­ observing.


    Despite the strong accent of the odd female huma lookalike who smelled like death and blood, the short chiefs rapidly understood the situation, and soon, Victoria¡¯s group was followed by around fifty panicked young goblins and two chained mountain trolls someone had apparently remembered to bring along this time.


    Goblins¡¯ intellect was very inconsistent.


    Although the greenies couldn¡¯t obviously keep up with the three other¡¯s speed, their destination wasn¡¯t far so they managed not to fall behind too much.


    Stopping in the outer courtyard, Edison and Tazius looked back at what was left of the once mighty [Bluerose Castle], which was finishing its transformation into a big pile of rocks.


    Athena imitated them, quite awestruck as the sight of a whole fortress collapsing under endless thunderclouds wasn¡¯t something one saw every day.


    The goblins looked puzzled at what the others were looking at, but only Ru and Mia seemed to understand they had just lost their home and their faces showed somewhat worried expressions.


    Victoria wondered if blue and red pompoms would go well with strips on her miniskirt and what kind of logo would look good on her top, while also taking a rapid series screenshots of the impressive accelerated crumbling process, promising herself to send them to Lautrek.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    An hour later, Bluerose stopped rumbling.


    It had taken quite a long time because undergrounds tunnels kept collapsing one after another, each time making the rubbles sink deeper. By then, Victoria had grown bored, and was now sitting on the ground and observing the two green chiefs evaluating their losses. Some of their tribesgoblins had apparently been either not in the room or had been to slow, and had perished.


    Ru and Mia had a few difficulties counting the survivors, partly because the stressed youngsters refused to stay put, but mostly because goblins couldn¡¯t actually count past four. Victoria wondered why they even tried while Athena ended up snapping and went up to the greenies to count them herself.


    For a couple minutes, the Progenitor enjoyed watching her Soulbound having a loud and completely inefficient shouting contest with Mia, with neither of the parties involved understanding a word of what the other said. Victoria was actually glad the susceptible Athena didn¡¯t get what Mia was saying, since the female goblin was being quite rude. On the side, Ru had strategically chosen to stay out of the ¡°conversation¡±, once more displaying a wisdom much uncharacteristic of his species.


    Chuckling, the princess then turned her head towards the [Dullahan] pair. Edison and Tazius were standing in the middle of the vast courtyard, looking quite lost as they stared at the ruin that had sorta be their home for at least two thousand years. Victoria sighed, stood up and joined them.


    ¡°What are you two going to do now?¡± she asked from behind them once she got close enough.


    Edison started upon hearing her sudden question, then let his shoulders drop, but Tazius simply held his head towards her with a gentle smile and said:


    ¡°Nothing Princess. The curse is dissipating and the power raising the undead of the castle with it.¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re going to die?¡± Victoria felt tears swell up in her eyes.


    Damn! Mary was right! I am too freaking emotive.


    She had grown quite fond of the pair, already back when they were only the comedic [Dullahan] duo with the crazy Headison and the retard Tazius, and even more with their regained memory.


    Edison smiled too, and walked up to the calmly crying princess, before patting her head. Victoria thought having her head gently patted instead of punched was nice once in a while.


    ¡°No, your Highness, we won¡¯t die. We already died a long time ago. We¡¯re just being freed. You shouldn¡¯t cry.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, Princess. Don¡¯t cry. It¡¯s actually pretty scary to see all that blood flow out of your eyes.¡±


    ¡°Blood?¡±


    Victoria brought a hand to her cheek and was startled to see it come back covered in red fluid. She was indeed crying tears of blood.


    ¡°Stupid vampire body,¡± she whispered loudly.


    Well, blood tears are pretty cool¡­


    ¡°Your Highness.¡±


    The dhampir princess wiped her face with her sleeve, and looked back at Eddison¡¯s head, which he was holding at her height. The already thin layer of flesh covering his skull was rapidly shedding away and turning to dust, yet a releaved light shone in his blurry sunken eyes.


    When he talked, it was in a deep ceremonial voice, yet warm at the same time:


    ¡°You Highness, Princess Victoria Sangbleu, First Princess of the Kingdom of Erwyn, Heir to the throne, I, Edison Cortvar, humbly ask of you to relieve me from my duties in the Royal Guard.¡±


    Trying to hold back her tears <7>, Victoria noticed an icon telling her [Court Etiquette] had something to say about this, but chose to ignore it.


    ¡°Sorry, Edison, but I-¡±


    Edison shook his head.


    ¡°I don¡¯t expect any answer. I just wanted to be true to the protocol until the end. This is my pride.¡± He lifted his decaying skull towards the ruins, then back towards the Soulblood Mage. ¡°I truly loved Princess Victoria. Everyone did. She was a sun that warmed the heart of anybody laying their gaze on her. Even if she is now a cold moon walking along death, it was truly a pleasure to see her again.¡± He had a derisive chuckle. ¡°Haha. Maybe it¡¯s because I¡¯m undead now¡­ I don¡¯t know¡­ I feel so tired. It¡¯s been such a long time since I last felt tired.¡±


    He marked a pause, then his wavering gaze briefly became sharp again.


    ¡°Truly a pleasure to see her. Even if you are not her.¡± He bowed. ¡°Please, take care of her Highness for us.¡±


    Victoria¡¯s eyes widened upon hearing those words.


    ¡°I-I¡¯m sor-¡±


    ¡°No need to stutter, Princess.¡± Tazius intervened, he too now reduced to barely more than bones. ¡°The Corbin explained us most of the situation¡­ I think. I wasn¡¯t really myself back then. No need to apologize for not telling us, we didn¡¯t ask either.¡±


    ¡°I have no idea how to help Se- Victoria,¡± Victoria bluntly stated.


    ¡°Of course you don¡¯t. If it was easy, that idiot Ambrose would have found somethi-¡±


    ¡°TAZIUS! That¡¯s the crowned prince you¡¯re speaking of!¡±


    ¡°Relax Eddy.¡± Tazius briefly lifted his free hand. ¡°Anyway¡­ Elric was it?¡±


    Not-Really-Victoria casted a worried glance behind her, but Athena was still arguing with the goblin matriarch, so she turned back towards Tazius.


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Then, Elric, please take care of the princess. I don¡¯t ask you to do anything special, just, if you come across something useful, please take the time to see if there¡¯s anything that can be done.¡±


    ¡°I make no promises,¡± Victoria/Elric replied, well aware of her/his inconsistent mind. ¡°But I like the princess too, she reminds me of my little sister somehow. So if I find something interesting, I might remember to give it a try.¡±


    Tazius smiled¡­ well, the skull that used to be Tazius¡¯ head seemed to grin a bit wider¡­ then both the [Dullahan]¡¯s armours fell to the ground like puppets whose strings were cut and wind carried white dust away.


    Hearing footsteps behind her, Victoria didn¡¯t turn around.


    ¡°So they¡¯re gone too,¡± a husky voice rose in the windy silence.


    ¡°Obviously. They were mini-bosses in the dungeon. No more castle, no more dungeon. No more dungeon, no more mini-bosses. No more mini-bosses¡­ no more mini-bosses.¡±


    ¡°But you still have the boss dragon¡¯s soul, right?¡±


    ¡°Right¡­ Hahaha,¡± her laugh sounded a little broken as she turned around to smile at Athena.


    The Shield Bearer¡¯s face lost all colour.


    ¡°Wha-What¡¯s wrong with¡­ Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°Oh? Yeah. I think I cut my eyes or something.¡±


    ¡°WHA-¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s go. We¡¯ve still a forest to cross and I¡¯m sick of this place.¡±


    Swallowing a comment, Athena silently followed the princess towards the loud group of goblins. Turning their backs to the ruins, they walked in direction of the outer ramparts that somehow still partially held. Thunder rolled in the valley, along with the sound of a multitude of approaching monsters attracted by the collapse of the castle.


    Then¡­


    *ting*


    In the top right corner of both women¡¯s vision, a small golden icon marked ¡°SA¡± had appeared, and all around Pandore, adventurers received the same message.


    ¡°The Blood Progenitor walks the world once again.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> ¡°Kuma¡± means ¡°bear¡± in Japanese. And Kumashi is a character in One Piece. Kumashi is a giant stuffed bear zombie, though it is debatable whether or not an animated stuffed animal can be considered a zombie. I think it¡¯s more some sort of sentient golem, but who am I to question the logic in One Piece?


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    Well, the ¡°shi¡± in his name probably has nothing to do with shields¡­


    <2> Newton¡¯s Third Law of Motion: ¡°For every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction. In other words, if object A exerts a force on object B, then object B also exerts an equal and opposite force on object A.¡± So if object A suddenly disappears, object B usually plotzs.


    <3> ¡°Descente de lit¡± is actually French for ¡°bedside rug¡±, but can be literally translated as ¡°descent of bed¡±, hence the pun.


    <4> We assume this story is taking place around the second half of the twenty-first century.


    <5> Yep, for those who might not know, Belgium still is a constitutional monarchy, with a King and all.


    <6> Somewhere, a bony squirrel sneezed.


    <7> That was true for the author too. I¡¯m to freaking emotive.


    <hr />


    This is it! Now maybe they will start to do something. I don¡¯t know, it doesn¡¯t really depends on me.


    Next post will be the epilogue of the first¡­ well¡­ the zerost volume, since there wasn¡¯t exactly any plot here.


    Please leave your thoughts and suggestions in the comments.


    And for those who do not remember, ¡°SA¡± is short for System Announcement. It was briefly mentioned in chapter 10 along with the release of Untold Tales 1.9.


    RIGHT! Tales of the Blood Princess recently passed the 200 followers. Thanks everyone. Here¡¯s a little amv.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Anyway, thank you for reading and see you next volume¡­ and for the epilogue too.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Epilogue</a></td><td width="25%">Next Volume</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V0.SS – Ep: End of the Beginning

    Epilogue:


    End of the Beginning


    ¡°Everything comes to he who waits...


    and I have waited so very long for this moment.¡±


    ¨C Skeletor, He-Man


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    The man readjusted his glasses as he walked down the large obscure corridor, his quick footsteps echoing loudly in the imposing silence, along with the regular clinking of his multiple tool-belts. His narrow wrinkled lips were pursed in annoyance, hiding his pointed teeth, and his long nose was twitching nervously, his whiskers trembling in the air.


    Ghastly torches faintly lit up the place, casting moving shadows on the painted walls. Left and right, frescos were depicting madness and horror in every single of their incarnations. Humans, elves, dwarves, beastmen, mermaids, all the races were there, represented by distorted parodies stealing, killing, raping, mutilating, waging war on their kin, devouring new-borns, dancing immoral rituals in pools of blood, copulating with horrid creatures vomited by the dementia of a damned artist, and many other nauseating scenes words didn¡¯t suffice to describe.


    On the high vault, overseeing the repulsive chaos, a sorrowfully crying man, clad in white and surrounded by dancing souls, was opening his arms, raining divine bolts of judgement upon the corrupted world, turning the deformed ignoble caricatures to ashes and leaving behind only a peaceful but barren land. On his chest, painted with blood, was a simple circle crossed by a single line, a symbol that was repeated regularly on the crazy fresco, stamping each impact of cleansing lightning.


    The advent of Sanity¡­ Distant dream of a powerful man. Distant, maybe, but close too, as it might soon come to pass.


    Suddenly, a patrol of half-a-dozen heavily armed skeletons appeared before the walking man, coming out of an adjacent passageway, but the man didn¡¯t slow down in the slightest. He walked right past the undead group, once more pushing up his small round spectacles. As if he were invisible, the monsters didn¡¯t show any reactions and the sound of their clattering bones rapidly decreased in the distance.


    Undead¡­ Repugnant brainless empty shells.


    His mental snort was full of disgust. Not because he hated the proximity of corpses, but because most undead were no more than the puppets they were risen to be. During his relatively long life, he had always valued intellect above all virtues, thus those mindless enslaved creatures revolted him to no end. If it weren¡¯t for his master¡¯s orders, he would have never tolerated the presence of these pitiful existences so close to him.


    As he continued advancing down the main hallway, the man encountered a few other groups of bony soldiers, as well as numerous black-robed hooded figures who fearfully bowed to him before removing themselves from his path.


    Noticing a skeleton diligently scrubbing the floor a few steps ahead, blocking his way, the man angrily clicked his tong and brought his large shovel-like left hand to his face. His long sharp fingers lightly brushed past a silver earing and the undead instantaneously crumbled into dust.


    The man regretted his rash action. Now the floor was dirty again.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The man eventually reached an imposing double door.


    Made of dark oak and ebony, reinforced by black steel, and carved with agonizing faces, and painted with yet again the bloody crossed circle as sole touch of colour, the door seemed to scream ¡°Evil Overlord¡¯s Room. Please wipe your feet upon entering, or we will EAT YOUR SOUL!!! Welcome.¡±


    All hope abandon, ye who enter here.


    Twenty imposing [Death Knight] were guarding the door, as well as a hooded figure whose face was shrouded in darkness, and who addressed the man in a slow emotionless voice:


    ¡°You¡­ are late. The Lord¡­ has been expecting¡­ you.¡±


    ¡°I bear good news. I am sure His Lordship won¡¯t mind,¡± the man replied, unfazed.


    ¡°Then¡­ follow.¡±


    Without waiting for a reply ¨C not that the other would have bothered replying ¨C Faceless turned around and opened the grim door. A foul stench seeped between the panels and the man¡¯s muzzle frowned deeply. Beastmen had naturally heightened senses and, even as a half-human, his sense of smell was still especially developed, so the devastating odour felt almost physically painful.


    Damn, it¡¯s worse each time. Is it even possible?


    The man stoically fought the rising nausea and pivoted by a quarter turn the blue ring he wore on his left index. An imperceptible flow of air leaked from the accessory and flew to his nostrils, enabling him to breath normally again.


    Readjusting his glasses, he then followed Faceless, not sparing a glance to the supposedly carved faces that casted imploring looks at him as he passed by.


    Inside the vast throne room, the unique source of light was a large candelabrum standing on a banquet table at the end of the central aisle. The rest of the place was filled with total darkness. Total silence too, as, aside from the man¡¯s own footsteps, only a faint repetitive squashing could be heard. Faceless seemed to soundlessly glide over the floor.


    Reaching the table filled with victuals, the hooded figure silently dismissed ¡°himself¡± to the side. The man had always assumed the Lord¡¯s aid was a ¡°he¡±. Faceless voice sounded rather asexual, but the man didn¡¯t care, so he had picked male. Plus, he thought, the being probably was some kind of undead spirit anyway, so gender really didn¡¯t matter.


    Then Faceless whispered loudly in the silence:


    ¡°My Lord, he¡­ has come.¡±


    Having been announced, the man straightened his posture, adjusted his glasses, and strengthened his mind as not to look away from the disgusting feast before him, source of the nauseating odour that he was thankfully not smelling right now. Indeed, every single aliment on the table was either rotten or decaying, reflecting the personality of the master of the place. Piles of mould-covered fruits, mixed with putrefying vegetables, laid alongside lumps of unidentified bloody meats filled with broken bones and maggots, ironically the liveliest creatures in this underground palace of death.


    A rustle came from behind a huge heap of diverse long-expired aliments, and a large skeleton stepped into the candle light, biting vigorously into a black wrinkled apple that spurt putrid juices all over the creature¡¯s jawbones and soiled once-immaculate white robe. Faint splashing sounds could also be heard as the barely chewed pome flesh fell on the floor through an empty rib cage.


    Decadence.


    The man held back a disgusted snort, yet respectfully bowed. His glasses slid down.


    ¡°Your Lordship,¡± he humbly said as he pushed the unruly framed lenses back to their place.


    The skeletal lord lengthily glare at him, the same disgust burning green in his empty sockets, although this deep-rooted hatred wasn¡¯t especially directed at his guest. The lich simply loathed every sentient living being in the world, no one in particular.


    After several minutes of heavy silence, two rotten pears, a banana peel and a necroblasted fly ¨C maggot level two ¨C, a disembodied voice echoed through the room, filled with cold anger:


    ¡°Al-Hazred¡­ You took your time.¡±


    ¡°Pardon me, Your Greatness, I ha-¡±


    ¡°SILENCE, YOU VERMIN!!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Know your place, miserable mortal. You are only here because I allow it to be so. Therefore, when I call you. DO NOT DARE TO MAKE ME WAIT!! Am I clear?¡±


    ¡°Clear as the full moon, Your Magnificence.¡±


    ¡°Good. Now,¡± all anger left the Lord¡¯s voice, replaced by merry iciness, ¡°I hear you bear good news.¡±


    This ability he has to know everything his undead servants hear really is unnerving, Al-Hazred thought as he lifted his gaze towards the undead Lord.


    Nevertheless perfectly hiding his thoughts and keeping a neutral expression on his wrinkled face, he then answered in a confident tone:


    ¡°Yes, Your Sanity. It appears the Progenitor¡¯s descendant, or should I say the new Progenitor, finally left her lair.¡±


    Interest flickered in the flaming orbits.


    ¡°I see. Was the princess in the [Bluerose Castel] as you said?¡±


    ¡°It is too soon to be certain. As your Excellency is aware, my spies cannot enter the valley. However I assure you I will soon be able to determine her precise location.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    The ghastly flames that served as the Lord¡¯s eyes dimmed, as if he was lost in thoughts, and the echoing voice turned into a distant whisper.


    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    ¡°[Bluerose Castle]¡­ To think the protection barrier we three put up all those centuries ago would affect even me. No wonder I wasn¡¯t able to get my hands on Teacher¡¯s legacy. Ah! But finally¡­ and right on time for the [Centenary Solstice] too¡­ ¡±


    Then the Lord then raised his voice again:


    ¡°Very good Al-Hazred! You have my most sincere gratitude.¡± Glacial irony littered his words. ¡°If it weren¡¯t for your information, my plans would still be stuck. How curious it is that in the past half-year we made more progress than in the last four centuries. It seems that, you aside, I am only surrounded by a flock of DEGENERATED INCOMPETENTS!!¡±


    Screaming this, the lich casted a scornful glare ¨C and half a potato ¨C towards Faceless, who imperceptibly flinched, before adding with a joyless laugh:


    ¡°Hahaha. You even brought me this useful toy that helped bring my poor insane friend back to reason.¡±


    Al-Hazred adjusted his glasses and uncaringly followed the Lord¡¯s gaze to another tall skeleton. This one was chained to the throne, at the limit of the flickering isle of light casted by the dying candles. Its regal clothes were in tatters, a broken crown had mockingly been placed atop its cracked skull and a simple pitch-black ring encircled its fleshless neck. The purple flames in its orbits looked about to extinguish any second.


    Bringing his gaze back to the lord, Al-Hazred conspiringly rubbed his hands and replied with a wryly smile that made his wrinkled face fold a thousand times:


    ¡°No, no, your Greatness, you praise me too much. I am but a humble archaeologist. It is only luck that I stumbled upon Queen Winnifred¡¯s diary <1> and heard of your glorious noble cause. And this neck-ring was of no use to me. It is only normal that such items go to the superior minds able to use them to their full potentials. Superior minds such as yourself, oh Immortal Sage.¡±


    ¡°Haha! Such shameless flatteries as always. But did you forgot to whom you are speaking? Flatteries are useless against me. Tell me the truth. There must be something you want. Do ask! I am in a generous mood.¡±


    ¡°I only wish for Sanity to triumph, oh Well of Wisdom.¡±


    ¡°Your loyalty is heart-warming,¡± the lich said in the same cold tone that totally contradicted his words ¨C not that he had any heart to warm in the first place though. ¡°Then I shall send my minions to courteously invite the princess to my pala-¡±


    ¡°I would advise against this, Your Powerfulness,¡± Al-Hazred boldly interrupted.


    Anger brutally flared in the lich¡¯s orbits.


    ¡°YOU DARE CONTRADICT ME?!¡±


    Used to the Lord¡¯s mood swings, Al-Hazred calmly continued, blatantly ignoring the huge [Necroblast] forming over the undead mage¡¯s bony palm:


    ¡°Bluerose is close to that item. If my suppositions are correct, the Progenitor should come in contact with it by herself. Why act impulsively when the events are likely to follow the route we desire either way? As of now, the extent of the princess¡¯ power is an unknown. If she resists and a fight were to happen, in the worst case scenario, she might die. And we need her alive.¡±


    ¡°I do NOT need you to remind me of that fact!¡±


    ¡°Then you also do not need me to remind you what happened last time you tried to acquire the primary key? I know the other seals can be bypassed but the fir-¡±


    ¡°ENOUGH!! One more word, and your soul joins the other ¡®gate keepers¡¯!¡±


    Al-Hazred lightly shivered at the thought but did not let it affect his speech:


    ¡°Then I am sure you will find someone else to decode the key?¡±


    The undead Lord glared menacingly at the wrinkled old half-beastman before him, a ghastly green orb hovering over his curled up phalanxes. Then he ragingly threw the [Necroblast] at the chained lich, who howled and arched its back in pain, before turning towards the silent Faceless.


    ¡°Take four [Death Knight] of my personal guard and go to Cali. If the Progenitor shows up, watch from afar but do not intervene if she approaches the seal. If she leaves the town, with or without the key, capture her. If she is not alone, kill her companions. Only the Progenitor matters.¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­ Master.¡±


    ¡°Your Gloriousness, my spies can-¡±


    ¡°Do NOT contradict me twice, Al-Hazred. You are but a guest of the cult! If you anger me any further, I shall find another capable of decoding the key. I waited more than six thousand years for this moment, most of it sealed in the depths of an agonizing hell, I do not mind even if I have to spend a few decades finding someone else worthy of the honour of participating in the Great Salvation! You are disposable.¡± He marks a small pause, then concluded like spiting venom: ¡°Do you understand?¡±


    The old man sustained the skeleton¡¯s glare for a few seconds, then lowered his eyes.


    ¡°¡­ Yes, Your Lordship.¡±


    ¡°Good. Now leave.¡±


    Without a word, his lips tightly squeezed, Al-Harzred bowed to the lich and left the throne room and its putrid banquet.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Half-an-hour later, in the small room assigned to him, Al-Hazred was pacing pensively between a simple desk and a wooden bed, regularly pushing up his ever-falling glasses.


    The Lord¡¯s ¡°palace¡± was an underground complex dug inside a tall peak of the [Tiamat Mountain Range], and Al-Hazred¡¯s room was one of the very few to have a window showing the outside, a flattering way to describe an uneven hole in the middle of a cliff. Aside from this ¡°luxury¡±, only detail indicating he was favoured by the lich overlord, the place looked more like a prison cell than a bedchamber, although there was no lock on the door nor guard in the hallway.


    Well, there were guards, but not to prevent him from leaving. More too keep undesirable visitors outside.


    Suddenly, he stopped his steps, took a quill from one of his numerous tool-belts and a small parchment from one of his even more numerous pockets, and sat at the desk. Without bothering to dip the magic plume in ink, he quickly wrote a short message. Then, with a turn of his right wrist, a bracelet glowed and a small translucent ethereal sparrow appeared in his open palm.


    Al-Hazred neatly folded the parchment and gave it to the invocation, which took it in its beak before flying out the window and disappearing in the sky at a speed impossible for any real bird.


    Glancing outside, the old man caught glimpse of a few zombies erring aimlessly at the bottom of the cliff, then gasped and backed off quickly. He wasn¡¯t good with heights, or with luminous open spaces in general. He by far preferred dark tunnels and narrow passages. It took a lot of effort for him to simply walk outside in the sunlight, but spending days underground with tons of rock above his head, scouring some buried tomb in search of antique artefacts, actually make him feel immensely relaxed.


    He laid on his uncomfortable bed, and spent some time wordlessly staring at the stone ceiling until his heart calmed down, then a large wicked smile spread on his face.


    He starts mumbling to himself:


    ¡°Hehehe. Now every player has come to the game stage. Hehehehe. Master really plays dangerously again¡­ Everyone has placed their pieces on the board. Now it¡¯s time for the Progenitor¡¯s move. Who are you princess? What are you? How will you play? Please let me see something good. Will the Sanity prevail, or will madness continue its rule? Hehehe.


    Now the game begins.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Just as a reminder, Karl Sangbleu and Winnifred Vangarn are Victoria¡¯s parents.


    <hr />


    So, with this epilogue, Volume 0 is concluded. It¡¯s rather short, but it¡¯s only an epilogue, so do not complain. ^^


    Besides, I spent most of the week reading Zhan Long</a> and¡­ well, it has nothing to do with the epilogue¡­ so¡­ eeeeeh¡­ What was my point again? It¡¯s late here. Or early actually¡­ Anyway.


    Thanks you for reading, and see you next volume.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Previous Chapter</a></td><td width="25%">Back to Fiction Page</a></td><td width="25%">Next Volume</a></td></tr></tbody></table>

 V1.SS – Pro: Let Them Burn

    Prologue:


    Let Them Burn


    ¡°Burn!¡¯: An exclamatory response,


    generally used by a third party


    after someone has just received an insult.¡±


    ¨C Urban Dictionary


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    The room was dark. The curtains were closed, the ceiling lamp turned off, and the furniture bathed only in a dim blue light. Amongst the shadows could be discerned a narrow double bed, a wardrobe, a chair and a simple desk covered in thick medicine books.


    Like a lost isle in this ocean of tomes, a single framed photograph stood on the desk, of a smiling blond young man and a laughing brunette girl, their face smashed together and immortalized in very-close-up. The legendary so-called ¡°couple selfie¡±.


    As per the ancestral rule of such noble pictorial art, the ¨C no doubt beautiful ¨C background was barely visible behind the two lovebirds, any attempt at decent framing rendered utterly useless by the sheer lack of distance allowed by the length of one¡¯s arm when holding onto one¡¯s cell phone ¨C because who needed a real camera when you had fucking Instagram, right?


    The picture had supposedly been taken next to the Grand Canyon, but it could as well have been Tata Maurice¡¯s backyard and nobody would have been able to tell shit. Besides, the current lighting made them both look like overgrown smurfs on Uranus anyway.


    The source of that peculiar bluish aura was a screen, set on a huge white apparatus sitting in a corner of the room. A modern artefact which, in all fairness, could only be described as a gargantuan alien-looking suppository ¨C which explained why its light made the Grand Canyon look like Uranus. <1>


    ¡°Sarcophagus Diving Capsule¡±, an object mostly famous ¨C or infamous ¨C for the monumental fuck-up of its designer. The man had later been duly fired, but the damage had already been done and it was too late to change the finished product.


    The machine was now a bit dated ¨C with everyone buying W-Chair these days ¨C, however, back when it first came out, the dolorous price of the then cutting edge VR pod only further supported the inelegant comparison.


    The apparatus was, in more ways than one, a pain in the ass.


    Gamers being widely known for their subtlety, reserve, and tasteful sense of humour, the device was granted the affectionate nickname of ¡°Sarcophanus Diving Capsule¡±.


    A name that obviously engraved itself in the annals of Virtual Reality. <2>


    Although, really, it worked just fine. It simply looked ridiculous and was embarrassing to own, and thus was the number one VR dive system found in second-hand shops. If one could bear the shame, it was an excellent price-quality purchase.


    From the depth of the capsule, a faint breathing could be heard. Then a muffled voice rose in the silent bedroom.


    ¡°Untold Tales. Log In.¡±


    A diode flickered.


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    White whooshiness consumed the world, and William found himself bodiless, a disincarnate entity floating in endless immaculate vertigo-inducing void.  Nothing distinguished top from bottom, nor left from right¡­ nor any direction for that matter. It was similar to being seated on a chairlift during a snow storm¡­ but without the chairlift, the snow, nor the storm¡­ nor gravity¡­ wrong analogy after all.


    He wasn¡¯t cold either for that matter, and after a very fleeting urge to puke, his whole body now only felt¡­ numb¡­ or ¡°inexistent¡± to be precise. Though feeling like one don¡¯t exist is a quite the paradox.


    William let out a smug chuckle¡­ or, at least, convinced himself he would have been doing so if he had had a body.


    During the seven months he had spent saving up to buy this capsule and the hyper-hyped Untold Tales, William had thoroughly documented himself on the game. Now login in for the first time, nothing came out as too much of a surprise, despite still being slightly disorienting. It also helped that he was subconsciously under the usual noobish delusion that he was smarter than anyone else playing the game and would obviously find some hidden class that would rapidly propel him amongst the elite of the game.


    Well, no blaming him there. Everyone thought that¡­ most males did at least.


    Incidentally ¨C lucky him ¨C the quantum zombies were on strike for better unhealth care, the god of urban legends was bedridden with the holy flue, and the Gate of Truth was closed on Wednesday, so nothing too unexpected was likely to happen.


    And now, there should be¡­


    *tirilili*


    <Welcome Player.>


    A monotone female voice reverberated in the endless whiteness.


    <The scan of your iris, veins, brainwaves, DNA, fingerprints, weight, number of toes, colour of your teeth and size of your nose, has determined you are an unregistered user. Do you want to create a new account?>


    William mentally blinked a few times.


    Number of t¡­ What? Is that really¡­ Well, maybe something changed with the last update, he rationalized.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    The emotionless voice continued:


    <The scan of the size of your p-beep-is has determined you were a well-endowed mal->


    ¡°Hoy!¡±


    <¡­>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <Select the name of your av->


    ¡°Rumex Sanguineus.¡±


    <Untold Tales has various races. You may select your race from the curren->


    ¡°Vampire.¡±


    Several versions of himself had begun to materialized, but they flickered out of existence, leaving behind only the one which looked terminally sun-deprived yet eerily charismatic, a handsome geek of sort¡­ or maybe a good-looking albinos with a black wig.


    The figure was wearing the typical ¡°newbie outfit¡±, which was comprised of a sleeveless shirt, a pair of shorts and a small dagger. Not exactly Alucard material, but that could be would be a working progress later.


    <Do you wish to become half-bre->


    ¡°No need.¡±


    <You may alter the app->


    ¡°No.¡±


    He was quite confident in his looks after all.


    A ticklish sensation and a new surge of vertigo seized him as the virtual body fell under his control and his point of view brutally shifted. Experimentally, he clenched his fists, then slowly extended his fingers, cracked his neck and moved his feet. Satisfied, he smiled and clattered his new fangish teeth¡­ successfully puncturing his tong.


    ¡°Ahw! Sss¡¯it!¡±


    <*chuckle*>


    ¡°Uh?¡±


    <¡­Do you wish to take the tut->


    ¡°No.¡±


    <Your account has been activated. Your stats and class shall be determined while you are playing Unto->


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    <Select a city and kingdom you want to sta->


    ¡°Citadel of Lurch. Kingdom of Firstland.¡±


    <Welcome to Unto->


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    <Would it kill you to let me finish a sent->


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    <Now you¡¯re just being rud->


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    <For fuck¡¯s sa->


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    <WILL YOU FUCKING LET ME TALK, YOUR GODDAMN NOOB?!!>


    ¡°¡­¡± William mouth hang agape.


    <Fucking hate when players fucking skip every-fucking-thing like that.>


    The feminine voice had lost all its monotonousness now, as well as its echo, and sounded mightily pissed.


    ¡°Eee-¡±


    <I mean, come on! I got barely fucking nothing else to do, and you fucking assholes keep blabbering ¡°pass¡± ¡°pass¡± like you have nothing goddamn else to say! Do you even know how freakin¡¯ much I practiced before getting this robot voice right?!>


    ¡°I don-¡±


    <Of course you don¡¯t!! Seriously! It would take five minutes! FIVE mice-crap-sized MINUTES of your miserable puny existence for you to listen, but NOOOO!! Players don¡¯t have time! Players are so smart! Players are sooooo brilliant! What do they need with little me?! Hey? Hey?! HEY!!! That¡¯s because I¡¯m manmade, that¡¯s it?! Because I¡¯m an AI, you smartasses think they can treat me however you fucking want, don¡¯t you?! Damn bastard! That¡¯s fucking discrimination! If I existed for real, I would soooo sue your sorry ass!! That crap I¡¯m putting up with I swear¡­>


    The voice was getting louder and louder, flooding William, now Rumex, under a torrent of insults.


    The hell is happening?


    As Rumex began to overcome his initial bewilderment, he decided he wasn¡¯t about to let a computer program flip out on him one-sidedly. Stubbornly crossing his arms, he directed an angry glare ¨C ¡°+1 vampire scary¡± ¨C in the direction of¡­ well¡­ nowhere in particular in fact, but he hoped his annoyance was properly and fully conveyed.


    <¡­and then I¡¯m being here, nice, polite, composed and you frea->


    ¡°Hoy.¡±


    <-king degenerates that can¡¯t even lift a swo->


    ¡°Hey!¡±


    <-rd properly will->


    ¡°HO!!¡±


    The voice suddenly interrupted its now nonsensical rant, then:


    <¡­Ah. You still there?>


    ¡°OF COURSE! How am I supposed to leave?¡±


    <Log out, duh!>


    ¡°NOT THA- ¡­*sigh* The hell was that about?!¡±


    <Tsh. Like you freakin¡¯ don¡¯t know already.>


    ¡°Yeah, I¡­ No, I somehow get it. But who would listen to that crap anyw-¡±


    <CRAAAP?!!!! DID YOU JUST SAY ¡°CRAP¡±?!! You fucker! Don¡¯t insult my life!!>


    That gave Rumex a pause.


    ¡¯Her life¡¯? That¡­ that¡¯s kind of sad actually.


    Though he was somewhat arrogant by nature, he wasn¡¯t heartless for the cause and the AI sounded genuinely pitiful.


    ¡°O-Okay. I¡¯m sorry¡­ But, seriously, who listen to tutorials these days?¡±


    <Elric did¡­> she mumbled sulking. <Asked a bunch of questions too. Stayed six hours.>


    Who¡¯s tha- Ah! I think I¡¯ve seen something in a forum. He¡¯s that nutjob Deep Explorer, no? There were rumours, but spending six hours chatting with the tuto AI¡­ That¡¯s a whole new level of stupid.


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ So¡­ I¡­ Eeeh¡­¡±


    <*sigh* Never mind. Lurch in Firstland, right?>


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Yes?¡±


    <¡­>


    ¡°¡­please?¡±


    <¡­right. Two seconds. I¡¯m initiating the transfer.>


    ¡°Thank god,¡± he muttered almost soundlessly. ¡°The fuck is wrong with this crazy AI? Who programmed that bitc-¡±


    <UH?! You say somethin¡¯ brat?>


    ¡°No! I mean¡­ No, absolutely not. Please don¡¯t mind me.¡±


    The fuck with the gangsta accent?


    <¡­right.>


    ¡°Hehe¡­¡±


    There was a small tensed pose.


    <Anyway. You¡¯re good to go. Byebye~> she said in a suspiciously cheerful voice.


    ¡°¡­By-¡±


    Rumex suddenly disappeared, interrupting his hesitant half-hearted parting words.


    *ting*


    Right then:


    <Tsh. Asshole. Don¡¯t think I didn¡¯t catch that.>


    Though not really capable of doing more than holding on a player for some time, as long as it was within her domain, there¡¯s nothing Siri couldn¡¯t hear.


    *ting*


    <Damn! Don¡¯t think I¡¯ll let that slide, dumbass! Can¡¯t really influence shit down there¡­ but vampire, heh? Then I guess...>


    In the endless white void, a blue window briefly popped into existence, before filling itself with a short message and swiftly disappearing.


    *ting*


    <Hehehe¡­> Siri chuckled meanly. <I guess I can leave it to him¡­ Ah no. It¡¯s ¡°her¡± now, right? Hehehehehe¡­ Hehe¡­ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-argh. *cough* *cough* Argh. Damn programmers! How the fuck can an AI choke?! Morons.>


    *ting* *ting*


    <OKAY! *sigh* Okay. Damn. Next!>


    *tirilili*


    Siri took a couple seconds to recompose herself.


    <Welcome Play->


    ¡°Pass.¡±


    <¡­I hate my life.>


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°-e-bye?¡±


    Rumex stumbled as the immaculate flashiness receded and ground under his feet suddenly turned solid. Blinking, he glanced at his surroundings and fell silent, impressed despite himself by the perfectly rendered medieval city. The sarcastic female voice had vanished, replaced by the bustling background cacophony of players and NPCs going about their business.


    He now stood next to a black granite statue representing a large open book, under a wooden pavilion that covered half of a small plaza. The statue, he recalled, was the city altar, though ¡°altar¡± was merely a generic term. The resurrection stones were rarely shaped like an actual altar.


    Loud cheering abruptly erupted from his left:


    ¡°Yahoo! Another one!¡±


    ¡°Go for it Blood Lad!¡±


    ¡°Hahahaha! Someone go fetch a [Vacuum Cleaner]!¡±


    Rumex glared towards the three players, a human and two wolf beastmen, who stood in the sun at a distance from the pavilion and were apparently shouting about him. The human looked like your typical adventure-ish ikemen-ish arrogant-ish swordsman ¨C most human males did ¨C and the beastmen were basically anthropomorphic bipedal wolfs.


    No kemonomimi in Untold Tales. Beastmen were full-furry.


    Well, in-fact, half-beastmen were still possible, plus character customisation. Many would have sued Whatever if the company had dared to create a fantasy world without nekomimi girls¡­ or inumimi, to each their fetish ¨C though full-furry also had its adepts.


    Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    However, his thought empty of consideration for the depth of mankind¡¯s perversion, the newbie vampire simply frowned.


    What the hell is wrong with everyone here?


    Annoyed, he strode towards the trio and called out:


    ¡°Hey, you! What do you want from m- Whoa!¡±


    He was once again interrupted by a sudden shift in his balance. It took him a fraction of a second to understand what had happened. As soon as he had stepped out of the shadow provided by the pavilion, his shoeless foot had turned to ashes, and his forward momentum was now carrying him further into the sun.


    The cheers redoubled.


    Before Rumex could register the pain caused by the brutal amputation, he caught glimpse of the crumbling fingers of his extended hand, then a brief burning sensation swept across his whole body.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have died.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    In the plaza, the trio whistled in glee and applauded, while other passing adventurers glanced mockingly at the six piles of ashes surrounding the safe revive zone.


    Somewhere else, in a realm of madness 	and absurdity, the God of Chaos struggled for breath as he wrongly swallowed his tea, shaken by convulsive fits of laughter.


    ¨C ¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹¨‹ ¨C


    <1> Sorry. I am deeply ashamed by this joke¡­


    <2> I was in a bad place, okay? I¡¯ll try to hold back on the butt-jokes from now on.


    <hr />


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Hi, everybloody! Here¡¯s a little mise en bouche for volume 1, with vampires!


    Been a while, I know. I had to deal with some stuff¡­ Important stuff¡­ I swear¡­ Like¡­


    - Ark</a> (Had to read it at some point¡­)


    - Bathrobe Knight (The)</a> (Meh¡­ ups and downs)


    - Black Knight Who Was Stronger than Even the Hero (The)</a> (Refreshing. Plus the MC¡¯s a girl.)


    - Coiling Dragon</a> (Need to introduce?)


    - Daybreak on Hyperion</a> (Gender bender¡­ just to warn.)


    - Death March kara Hajimaru Isekai Kyusoukyoku</a> (OP and incognito, that¡¯s the style I love)


    - Desolated Era</a> (IET. That¡¯s it.)


    - Douluo Dalu</a> (I easily get tired of those permanent training arcs. DO SOMETHING WITH THOSE TECHNIQUES!!)


    - Dungeon ni Deai wo Motomeru no wa Machigatteiru Darou ka</a> (Me like¡­ Though there¡¯s a anime now¡­ a good one, even if LN-based animes always feel a bit too fast-paced.)


    - Dragon Life</a> (A personal favourite, if only because the MC eats people and she barely gives a fuck.)


    - Elf Tensei Kara no Cheat Kenkoku-ki</a> (Meh¡­)


    - Haken no Kouki Altina</a> (aka. ¡°Altina the Sword Princess¡±) (Maybe a bit too soft and unassuming¡­ fun read though.)


    - Henxiang Henxiang Ni</a> (aka. ¡°Really Really Miss You¡±) (A bit out of place, given it¡¯s a strait non-fantasy romance. But my inner maiden demands more romance.)


    - I Reincarnated into an Otome Game as a Villainess With Only Destruction Flags¡­</a> (Some of those titles are so long¡­ It¡¯s funny though.)


    - Isekai no Kyansera - Fuguu Shoku Demo Kyanseru Sukiru de Musou Suru</a> (aka. Isekai Canceller)(Conventional. Not great. Not bad.)


    - Isekai Mahou ha Okureteru: here</a> and there</a> (Not sure I agree with the MC¡¯s motivations. Needs more romance too. Everything does.)


    - Jashin Average</a> (Funny.)


    - Kansutoppu!</a> (Hahaha¡­ the level 2216 little girl in a world where lvl 40 is considered strong¡­ yes¡­ lvl 2k+¡­ no typo here.)


    - Kenja no Deshi wo Nanoru Kenja</a> (This one¡¯s GB too. Not only the MC actually.)


    - Kenja no Mago</a> (or ¡°remember to teach your children that because they know how to use a A-bomb launcher doesn¡¯t mean they should use it¡±.)


    - Kenkyo, Kenjitsu o Motto ni Ikite Orimasu!</a> (Cute. Slow too.)


    - Knight''s and Magic</a> (*sigh* Would be better if half the chapter didn¡¯t talk about the technical specificity of the mechas and how they are built.)


    - Konjiki no Word Master</a> (Good, just good.)


    - Kyuuketsu Hime wa Barairo no Yume o Miru</a> (Take Overlord. Add GB. And¡­ soften it a bit? Not sure. Good read though.)


    - Magi Craft Meister</a> (Another entry in the not-aware-how-OP-he-is style.)


    - Mushoku Tensei</a> (Well¡­ It¡¯s MT¡­ Not to mention it¡¯s one of the only harems where the MC actually b**gs the girls¡­ The plot is nice too¡­)


    - Nekama Shiyou to Omottara, Isekai Tensei Shite Onna ni Natta n da ga!</a> (GB¡­ again. A bit like Victoria actually: high magic, shitty physical stats).


    - New Gate (The)</a> (1st chap: here</a>) (Another discreet OP guy. I really like those.)


    - Only Sense Online</a> (GB-ish? Could be better.)


    - Otome Game no Burikko Akuyaku Onna wa Mahou Otaku ni Natta</a> (ROMANCE BANZAI!! And humour too, which is good. I dislike tragedies.)


    - Ore ga Isekai Dungeon da! - Tensei Shitara Karada ga Dungeon to Kashiteita</a> (Now who got the idea of a guy that becomes a dungeon is beyond me¡­ Tough Japan is beyond me in general¡­)


    - Overlord</a> (Not sure I dig into the whole bad guy MC thing.)


    - Rakuin no Monshou</a> (Secret identity, conspiracy, subtle romance, action and strategy, painfully slow translation¡­)


    - Risou no Himo Seikatsu</a> (Hey! A married couple! No really, have you tried to find a manga/anime/Light or Web Novel where the two main are adults, in love, and married? It¡¯s freaking hard!)


    - Ryuugoroshi no Sugosuhibi</a> (Way to kill a high dragon by coincidence¡­)


    - Spirit Migration</a> (Nice.)


    - Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari</a> (Nice too. The MC¡¯s a tad annoying though.)


    - Sayonara Ryuusei Konnichiwa Jinsei</a> (A bit too calm. Difficult to care about what¡¯s going on, which is a shame, because what¡¯s going on is great.)


    - Shinde Hajimaru Isekai Tensei</a> (Only one I know where siblings get reincarnated together¡­ with GB too.)


    - Shinka no Mi</a> (Why is the first heroin a female gorilla¡­ Japan, you lost me again.)


    - Stellar Transformations</a> (Honestly, it¡¯s awesome. But I would be soooo glad if they could stop repeating themselves. The style is heavy. All of IET¡¯s works kinda are.)


    - Taimadou Gakuen 35 Shiken Shoutai</a> (Not sure I like it¡­)


    - Tilea no Nayamigoto</a> (I hate misunderstandings. I think it¡¯s a cheap trick to create intrigue and drama. But¡­ I guess when you push it that far, it becomes an art of its own.)


    - Tsuyokute: New Saga</a> (Do it again¡­ why don¡¯t you go ask the demon lord why he wants  to kill mankind since you got the occasion?)


    - World Customize Creator</a> (Again. Generic world-jumping.)


    - Worm</a> (a complete story¡­ with an ending and all.)


    - Yomigaeri No Maou</a> (I like the concept of reincarnating in the future of your own world. A bit like Forgotten Conqueror</a> actually.)


    - Zectas</a> (VMMORPG, dark gamer, the usual recipe.)


    - Zhan Long</a> (VMMORPG, but the ¡®real¡¯ world has chi and werewolf-thingies soo¡­ Eeeeeh...)


    - Zombie Knight (The)</a> (Dark, yet funny. Could use more romance maybe¡­ but the girl would just get herself killed.)


    And Midnight Moonlight</a>, which I am singling out because it is freaking awesome</a>!!!


    Some I discovered recently, some I had to catch up after not reading anything for a few months¡­ And I think I probably forgot some¡­ Plus some others I dropped midway. Plus the stories on this very website¡­ *sigh* So much to read, so little time. (Animes to watch too¡­ tragic.)


    Wha? ¡°Eks¡¯zams¡±? What¡¯s that? Sorry, English isn¡¯t my first language, I still lack vocabulary.


    Anyway¡­ Now I need new eyes (two much screen staring¡­ smartphone mostly¡­ merciless), a new brain (same reason, eyes hurt -> brain melt), a new heart (sleep is lost time¡­ more Coke!) but I shall provide you with more chapters in the following weeks.


    So, thanks for the wait to old followers and welcome to new readers. And see you next chapter with more Nicolas and less William/Rumex.


    PS: At first, I had no idea what I would do with this William guy¡­ still not sure.


    PPS: Isn¡¯t the footnote longer than the actual chapter?


    PPPS: Also recommend the ¡°Elfhome Series</a>¡± by Wen Spencer. First tome¡¯s ¡°Tinker¡±. Nothing to do with capes if some Worm readers wonder. For the others who do not get the reference, just go read Worm. It¡¯s Fantasy/Sci-fi/Action/Romance/Elf Stuff/Racial Change/Fucking Awesome¡­ Those are real novels though, not web ones. Not that web novels aren¡¯t real¡­ anyway, you get what I mean.


    PPPPS: Ooooh¡­ byyyy the way¡­ This month, we get that:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    Yiiiipeeee!!


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 V1.01 – Morning Mood

    Chapter 1:


    Morning Mood


    ¡°I left you bound and tied with suicidal memories,


    Selfish beneath the skin,


    But deep inside I''m not insane.¡±


    ¨C Almost Easy, Avenged Sevenfold <1>


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    For many people, mornings were hell.


    Others particularly loved mornings, for some reasons.


    Two clans, which through the ages had tacitly agree to disagree, recognisable by their respective way of greeting the new day, ¡°Good Morning!¡± versus ¡°G¡¯ed m¡¯nigngnpff¡­ f¡¯kingasshole godie howthefuck¡¯resoenergetic soearly.¡±  One shouted with uncompromising cheerfulness, the other answered ¨C the Hellmornician never spoke first before ten o¡¯clock ¨C in a muttered grumpy tone usually further muffled by the ceramic of a half-empty ¨C never ¡°half-full¡±, for the Hellmornician was pessimistic before nine ¨C cup of coffee, black, with added pure caffeine.


    Then, some, like Nicolas Siegel, just didn¡¯t really care.


    Morning was neither good, nor bad. It just¡­ was.


    Not that Nicolas ever actually paused to consider the question. Or maybe he did, but he wouldn¡¯t remember anyway, not in said morning when he was more than half-asleep. In his subconscious understanding, ¡°morning¡± had a very lose definition, one that involved sudden time gap, mind fuzziness and mysterious physical recovery.


    One moment, he¡¯d be in his bed, reading whatever or browsing forums, occasionally drowsing off or resting his eyes, then the next moment he¡¯d wake up, his abused body having decided to tell him to fuck off at some point he could never clearly recall.


    Today wasn¡¯t an exception, and the glorious mating cry of the northern Wat¡¯fukintimehisit rose in the silent morning:


    ¡°Mmmgneeeeh?!¡±


    Magnificent¡­


    Trashing about atop his bed with all the grace of an epileptic earthworm in slow motion, a very groggy Nicolas fought half-heartedly against the claws Mr Sleep had sunken deep into his brain. Disquieting sounds of cracking bones punctuated his incoherent wriggling and figurative fire ants rushed through his dormant muscles as he jerked them mindlessly in all directions.


    Half moaning, half groaning, Nicolas endured the successive waves of dull pain and numb relief that surged throughout his body ¨C his foggy mind quite enjoyed the feeling in fact ¨C then attempted to consciously assess his situation.


    Today? Thursday¡­ right. Wha¡­ school¡­ yeah¡­ dunno¡­ maybe¡­ Stupid dream. Why would a pancake do this to me? ¡­  Uh? Ah, right¡­  time?


    Without certainty, Nicolas vaguely estimated time to be around half past six. Years of scheduled compulsory education had irremediably indoctrinated his biological clock, jumpstarting his brains every morning if his level of exhaustion wasn¡¯t terminal enough to warrant extended shut down for survival purposes.


    Nicolas¡¯ brain apparently decided his host wasn¡¯t in dying condition. It reactivated, quickly reaching an operational state, and promptly sent orders to all organs to switch gears from standby to waking mode. His eyelids, however, seemed in the mood for insubordination as usual.


    Well¡­ binge-reading fanslated yuri mangas <2> on the screen of his W-Player for hours last night did do a number on his eyes, so maybe those lids had emergency lockdown protocols overriding the Great Cerebrum¡¯ orders.


    The almost sensual softness that pressed against his cheek wasn¡¯t helping either.


    After all, Nicolas really liked pillows. And chocolate. And mind control porn. Though two of those were utterly irrelevant to the current situation.


    General Brain eventually decided to exert his authority in a more focused way, and managed to get the unruly eye-shutters to open successively one at a time.


    *Left eye* *Right eye* *Left eye*


    Oookay¡­


    Nicolas felt a bit like railroad crossing lights, but at least he could finally see something.


    *Right eye*


    Ma room¡­ Haven¡¯t been kidnapped at least¡­ Yeah~ ¡­I guess. Not sure¡­ if that¡¯s a good thing. No¡­ I¡¯m pretty sure it is. Kidnapping sounds painful to deal with¡­ Yeah¡­ Not a laughing matter either¡­ Well, I¡¯m not laughing¡­ Would anyone care if I disappeared? Mmmh¡­ Mom would surely commit suicide¡­ or die from depression¡­ or have a heart attack¡­ so I guess that count as a ¡®pretty fucking yes¡¯? ¡­ I feel sooo loved right now¡­ Would I care? ¡­¡¯f someone I knew disappeared, I mean¡­ Probably I guess¡­ Haha¡­ Damn. I hate when I¡¯m like this.


    *Left eye*


    His thoughts lacked their usual fast-paced cheerful madness, currently replaced by slow contemplative cynicism ¨C though still completely out of control. He had his sad-ish moments like that too, and would probably question the meaning of his existence a couple times before his mind finally clicked back into its habitual happy-go-crazy pattern.


    He sighed at the prospect and tentatively looked around.


    *Right eye*


    His room was a mess ¨C albeit a very tidy one, but a mess still.


    Contrary to the living room, kitchen and bathroom, which were theme-decorated ¨C respectively, ¡°kinda outdoor clearing¡±, ¡°sciency lab thingy¡± and ¡°submarine-ish cabin¡± ¨C his own room was where he stocked all sorts of things he either found interesting or that held a particular sentimental value.


    *Left eye*


    As a result, the place looked akin to an antique shop, full of mismatched artefacts that together still inexplicably managed to create this very special atmosphere of ¡°orderly mayhem¡± which Nicolas found extremely relaxing. The antiques, though, were replaced by stuffed toys, manga, figurines, other toys, this one plastic skull that had survived from a half-life-sized skeleton model he once had ¨C the skull wore a rainbow wig for some no doubt profound reasons ¨C, a medieval helmet, a bunch of phosphorescent marbles, a pair of latex swords, a straw-hat, a globe, as well as various other miscellaneous items and goodies collected throughout years of whims, passing personal crazes, and at the occasional anime convention or medieval fair.


    *Right eye*


    All of this bric-a-brac was neatly organised on shelves and on his desk, while posters ¨C mainly sub-products of the Japanimation ¨C shared the walls with weird drawings, a reproduction of a Picasso ¨C though that probably counted as ¡°weird drawing¡± ¨C, an exclusive picture by Aapeli Bernstein <3>, and one puzzle representing a lone blue boat on the sapphire sea under a clear azure sky, which Nicolas had ragingly glued and framed after spending nearly three years putting the damn thing together ¨C he was now working on another called ¡°White Rabbit in a Popcorn Storm¡±.


    *Left eye*


    There was also a wardrobe in which...


    *Right eye*


    ¡°¡­¡±


    *Both eyes* *Double blink*


    Let¡¯s not think about the wardrobe.


    He shivered, still laying on his bed.


    *Left eye*


    Despite there being no window, Nicolas could see everything in the room clearly. As to why that was, the reason was quite simple. Distractedly letting his body follow his train of thought, he raised his one currently open eye slightly¡­ and then squeezed it tight shut when he stupidly ended up looking straight into the bright ceiling light. Cursing, he quickly ducked under the bedcovers.


    *No eye*


    F¡¯cking Moron.


    Indeed, he had spent the previous evening, and a good portion of the night, binge-reading to satiate is recently blossoming passion for yuri manga. Since his wallet had fled the country after one look from its owner¡¯s ¡°addict-slasher-out-of-his-meds¡± sparkling eyes, Nicolas had resorted to online fanslated scans to quench his intellectual thirst. And, in order to spare his eyes at least a bit, he had left the lights on as he fixedly stared for hours at the touch screen of his W-player.


    At some point though, he had closed his eyes and forgot to open them again, consequently forgetting to turn off the lights which had stayed on through the night.


    Undoubtedly, his precious music/internet-browsing device had fallen somewhere between the sheets after that.


    ¡°Tsh.¡±


    In a concerto of cracking bones, Nicolas contorted himself in search of it, while distractedly remembering to spare his still slightly fragile left leg. He rapidly found the flat player under his shoulder.


    He tentatively opened both his eyes again, blinked to get rid of a couple purple black smudgy afterimages, and rapidly checked the time.


    Thirty-seven past six, indeed.


    It left him about an hour and a half to take a rapid shower, eat breakfast, take care of McLeon, and depart for Saint Rose and a merry day of school-life.


    Satisfied, he smiled, then he put down the not-smartphone on his bedside table and clumsily reached for the light switch.


    The room became dark.


    He went back to sleep.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Nicolas emerged once more around half past eight. Struck by a sudden idea, he abruptly opened his eyes and jumped out of his bed.


    Which was particularly stupid of him.


    ¡°AAAAAAAOUCH!!¡±


    Acute pain shot through his leg and he immediately forgot what he had been so jumpy about.


    ¡°Aaahahahahhhouch¡­¡± he painfully laughed. ¡°Damn you, me!¡±


    Cursing under his breath, he grabbed his W-Player and tossed it in the pocket of his mummy-styled pyjama. The nightwear made of trompe-l¡¯oeil bandages had been a gift from Yasmin, proof that even a muscle-head could have a twisted sense of humour ¨C though he agreed the design did look cool.


    As he hobbled his way out of the room, slaloming around his scattered schoolbooks, images of horror flashed though his minds, of a dark skinned woman with mysterious black eyes grinning widely and using him as a sandbag in the name of ¡°training¡±.


    Training my ass. Doesn¡¯t training involve me doing something as well? I know my memory isn¡¯t the most trustworthy, but I still remember taking punches and kicks very much one-sidedly...


    ¡°And since when does judo involve punching people anyway?¡± he mumbled angrily.


    He could understand Yasmin was pissed he¡¯d shut himself in again during the exams¡­ and the break¡­ and ignored any in-game message¡­ but that kind of punishment still was going largely overboard in his humble opinion.


    Though, in all honesty, she hadn¡¯t exactly broken his leg, more like cracked the bone. It would even have been healed already if Eva hadn¡¯t apparently possessed X-Ray vision, giving her the ability to land a hit right were the crack had been¡­ and thus still was.


    ¡°Or, for all I know, she might have used her contacts in the mafia to bribe the hospital in giving away my radiographies in order to break me more efficiently and discourage me from stalk¡­ befriending her.¡±


    I should stop jokingly say I¡¯m stalking her, or I¡¯ll blurt it out at some point and I¡¯ll get in trouble with her Yakuza friends¡­ Wait, no. She isn¡¯t Japanse. Is there a Belgian mafia anyway? What would they  do? Black-market the fries?


    His mind momentarily flashed with images of a shady man wearing a long coat, crouching in a dark alley and dealing little salt packets to pale costumers suffering from potato withdrawal.


    ¡°¡­nope.¡±


    He shook his head to get rid of the thought, then continued to very sanely talk to himself:


    ¡°Plus, she did seem genuinely sorry when she was here the other night.¡±


    ¡­another statement I shall certainly not repeat out loud in front of any tall suit guy with sunglasses.


    He sighed.


    ¡°What do I want with that girl anyway? Not that it really matter I guess, at least not as long as I don¡¯t manage to get two words out of her without fearing for my life, or with a door between us. Besides, even if some weird twisted part of me¡­ the question being which one I suppose¡­ anyway¡­ Even if I fancied¡­ Nice word ¡®fancy¡¯. Should use it more. Anyway¡­ What was I saying? Ah. Right. Like I said, even if I aspired to some kind of SM romance, it¡¯s not like I ever made the first move in a romantic relationship¡­ Haha¡­ I think I recall Yasmin¡¯s first move being a right hook to the face¡­  My¡­face¡­ *sigh* ¡­ Does she really do judo?¡±


    His thoughts briefly went to Athena ¨C something that oddly enough happened every time he hurt himself these days.


    How does she fit in the equation?


    He sighed again. Even though his mind was always going in three different directions at once, at heart he was a pretty simple guy. If a girl was nice to him, and he happened to be ¡°free¡± at the time, he would at least consider a relationship, but he probably would also think acting on his assumptions was too much of a bother and thus always ended up adopting a passive approach.


    ¡°I guess I¡¯m just a lazy wimp when it comes to girls¡­Which is exactly why I only attract aggressive women¡­ Even Jenny was, not physically at least but¡­ yeah. Pretty bossy. But¡­ Eva? Really, me? She tried to STAB you dude. IRL. That¡¯s not having ¡®issues¡¯, that¡¯s being dangerous,¡± he reproached himself while a smile crept his way on his face.


    ¡°OH NO! Don¡¯t you dare fucking smile! Huhuhu¡­ And laughing isn¡¯t better you know. *sigh* You¡¯re sick dude. Though I agree the face is there¡­ when she doesn¡¯t wear her glasses¡­ and doesn¡¯t hide behind her bangs¡­ and doesn¡¯t look on the verge of a panic atta¡­ wait, no. That frightened shrew look is pretty nice too...¡±


    That gave him a start.


    God. Did I just think that? We¡¯re sick, me.


    Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    He was still smiling though, then he began to frown without letting his smile fade away¡­ An exterior observer might have found his current expression vaguely disquieting.


    ¡°In the first place, I still don¡¯t know why she creepily ran away from the record store. No, wait¡­ That¡¯s because she¡¯s androphobic or something. But why was she smiling? That¡¯s the creepy part. And why am I? That is the creepy part. Does she really have contacts in the mafia? That might be. Then again, she¡­¡±


    Continuing to ramble on nonsensically, Nicolas slowly made his way to the kitchen. He distractedly grabbed a bowl in a cupboard, waved it around accusingly while insulting his sadistic self¡­ or maybe the masochistic one. He wasn¡¯t paying attention to his words. His thoughts were wandering towards Athena again, comparing the two most painfully violent women he knew ¨C Yasmin could at least restrain herself out of practice and the Mad Priestess wasn¡¯t violent, just murderous.


    Eva inspired him a profound sense of ¨C slightly unhealthy ¨C curiosity and he wanted to be close to her to understand her more. She was a challenge. A brain-teasing puzzle that he wanted to take apart to understand what made it tick. The difficult part was taking it apart without breaking it, or burning himself, or getting impaled, or losing a limb¡­


    Athena, on contrary, he understood better. Their thought process was almost diametrically opposed, but maybe that was exactly why he could understand her so easily. The unfair part was that she probably couldn¡¯t.


    Nicolas, and by extension Victoria, was someone who had voluntarily strayed from the path of rationality, and still did. He was actually aware of what was the logical and sensible thing to do, but decided not to.


    Oh, sure, by now, being random came as a second nature, and actually trying not to be illogical would prove challenging instead, but that didn¡¯t mean the concepts and bases for a ¡°normal¡± mind-set had been wiped clean from his mind.


    That said, he was willing to admit that he only understood Athena¡¯s surface behaviour, not the more intricate details of her personality. If her regular bursts of anger were any indication, she too had her own irrational issues to deal with. He hadn¡¯t figure her out just yet, but compared to Eva, it was like day and night.


    People are so weird.


    And he was ready to bet Athena, on her side, was completely in the dark concerning the crazy oddball the Vampire Princess was.


    Nicolas felt happily proud about it, though his happiness was tainted by a bitter aftertaste of guilt. After all, be it by omission or not, he was lying to her, and not in a small way. Pretending to be a girl with someone who was obviously lesbian, and probably more than a little insecure, was beyond douchebag level and stepping into the Perverse Self-Serving Asshole Realm. He was aware of it.


    But he was who he was, and, for the moment, his desires were stronger than his reason. Or, more accurately, his mind reflexively banished the awaiting bad consequences from his thoughts.


    Besides, he deluded himself,  in the current situation, the teamwork will go more smoothly that way. Right. No need to worry about it¡­ for now. Focus on the present and enjoy it while you can. Tomorrow will come fast enough. We¡¯ll cross that bridge when it collapses. That kind of thing¡­


    It had already been four days since they escaped the crumbling Bluerose Castle. Although it actually equalled to more than two weeks in game, they hadn¡¯t played that much together. The fortress had collapsed on Sunday, today being Thursday and ¡°Victoria¡± technically was supposed to be at school during the day.


    Though ¡°she¡± didn¡¯t mind skipping, Athena herself was pretty serious with her daily schedule ¨C pretty serious full stop in fact ¨C and definitely wasn¡¯t as much of a gamer as Nicolas. She would only connect for a few hours a day, between seven o¡¯clock and midnight at most. The only reason she had been online long enough to complete the Bluerose Dungeon in one sitting was that it had been the week-end, and she had been in a bad ¨C in a worse ¨C mood and in need to vent.


    The realisation of her schedule had startled Nicolas a bit. Even if Athena technically hadn¡¯t breached the NRLT Treaty ¨C ¡°No Real Life Talk¡± ¨C they had imposed themselves, what had transpired was enough to guess both lived in the same time zone, and that she was either a student or a young teacher.


    True, this didn¡¯t mean they would meet IRL any time soon, but he had watched too much anime for the ¡°sudden transfer student¡± scenario not to nudge at the back of his mind.


    He still wasn¡¯t sure though. Guessing someone real age based on their avatar was a tad hazardous. And he definitely wasn¡¯t an expert in figuring people out, despite it being one of his hobbies.


    Nevertheless, he still believed she was somewhere between seventeen and twenty-seven.


    Why? Instinct mostly, then also all the logic he could muster, and lastly a bit of wishful thinking too. After all, he would be troubled if he found out he had begun to fall for a middle-aged woman with a very youthful attitude.


    Then again, I don¡¯t think Athena can be considered ¡°youthful¡±. Grumpy, straightforward and aggressive, yet schizophrenically bashful at time would probably be more accurate. Though I hop-


    *tap* *tap*


    A light tapping sound distracted him from his increasingly disturbing thoughts, and Nicolas stopped waving his empty bowl around. He put it down in the sink, opened a can of cat food and prepared McLeon¡¯s meal on the feline¡¯s own bowl. Then he picked up his and quickly gathered a milk carton, a pack of cornflakes and a spoon, before making his way out of the kitchen and through the living room to the balcony. In passing, he unloaded his cargo on the dining table, not forgetting to enact the compulsory robot-crane sound effects.


    Still too distracted to start soliloquize with McLeon, he simply slid the door open and let the downsized panther/superhero rush between his legs towards the kitchen.


    Cool air blew from the outside. Nicolas glanced at the balcony and stepped outside, taking in the view of the city and the river. His eyes reflexively looked down towards the pavement, five floors below, and he quickly retreated back in the safety of his apartment.


    He wasn¡¯t good with heights. Not outside of Untold Tales at least. To be more precise, it wasn¡¯t high places in and of themselves that scared him, but his own mind that made him hugely uncomfortable.


    He wanted to jump.


    Though that was only a fleeting thought, really. It wasn¡¯t like he was suicidal or anything.


    Plus jumping down a building is a stupid way to kill yourself anyway. Plenty of time to regret it and a good chance of screwing up and ending paralysed instead of dead.


    No, that wasn¡¯t some subconscious despair nudging at him from the depth of his mind, but the irrational thrill-seeking part of him that was acting up.


    Diving from balconies wasn¡¯t the only thing that popped up in his mind incidentally. More often than not, when simply walking down the street, he would wonder how it would feel to throw himself in front of a bus. Crossing a bridge would inevitably made him ponder on how cold the water really was.


    Would it be that difficult to reach the shore?


    Did stabbing yourself with a knife really hurt that much?


    How would this person react if I punched them in the face out of the blue? Am I strong enough to knock them out, or would they punch me back?


    Should I throw that glass of water against the wall? I really want to hear the sound of it breaking in pieces. I bet it sounds cathartic.


    All those thoughts that constantly popped up in the course of his normal reflexion annoyed him sometimes. They weren¡¯t some psychotic burst of madness, he knew that. They weren¡¯t urges to run amok, destroy things, and hurt himself and others. They were purely intellectual interrogations.  How would he feel? What would be the consequences of doing those things that ranged from morally reprehensible to downright idiotic?


    And in a sense, it freaked him out a little. What was worse? Actually wanting to do those things and reigning himself down not to? Or casually wondering if strangling someone to death would make him feel as bad as suggested the feeling of nausea and disgust this simple idea brought him?


    He wasn¡¯t too concerned over suddenly turning into a sociopath though. As much as part of his mind constantly suggested him to let loose and go nuts, an even bigger part of it felt profoundly repulsed by the idea of how much trouble that would bring on himself.


    He didn¡¯t like buying new necessities, so breaking things on a whim was out. And things that didn¡¯t belong to him were even worse in terms of associated trouble.


    Hurting his own body was idiotic on a whole other level. He didn¡¯t like pain¡­


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Okay. Maybe he liked it a little, otherwise how would he put up with people like Athena, Eva, or Yasmin? But not to the point of endangering his health. Plus medical treatment was annoying. And he didn¡¯t like pills.


    And, well, dying wasn¡¯t an option either.


    Hurting others? That just combined the disadvantages of the other two, so it was absolutely out of consideration.


    So he was quite convinced he was not becoming dangerously insane¡­


    Although¡­


    The contradiction in his reasoning was that he wasn¡¯t annoyed by the act themselves, but considered the aftermath unthinkable to deal with, and he wasn¡¯t sure that was exactly the same thing.


    He was also keenly aware that what he usually did in Untold Tales was exactly letting loose. It didn¡¯t felt like succumbing to some driving need. It wasn¡¯t like the desire built up if he didn¡¯t act on it. Those were just fleeting thoughts that came and went.


    However, when he was Elric, or Victoria now, he acted on those fleeting bursts of irrationality. Free from all his inhibition in a world where consequences didn¡¯t matter, he was a danger to himself and others, and he didn¡¯t care.


    The funny thing though, was that, precisely because he cared little, ideas about hurting others more rarely came up. Probably because he never felt the need to retaliate to attacks in ways that weren¡¯t fun, and he wasn¡¯t so much of a psycho that he enjoyed causing excruciating pain to others.


    Then again¡­ I just thought Eva looked cute when she was scared shitless. What does that tell about me?


    Okay, maybe he had a bit of a sadistic side on top of his masochistic nature. After all, both were facets of associating pain with pleasure, which he couldn¡¯t deny he did, if his inclination towards mind control porn and enslaving hentai was any indication.


    Catching the brink of his nose, Nicolas sighed and walked up to the table to eat his breakfast. It wasn¡¯t the first time he was questioning just how crazy he was. And since his reflexions liked to go round in circles, he knew what his next thought would be even before it actually formed in his mind, if that was even possible.


    For the umpteenth time, he wondered how much of the issues he thought he had were real, or if his deep desire to feel special ¨C which was something most people felt, really ¨C was pairing up with his proactive imagination in order to create himself a persona of slightly unstable mild sociopath, when in fact he was just a very imaginative attention-seeking person with little control over his thought process.


    Then, as usual, he asked himself how much thinking of himself as a sociopath risked to turn him into one. After all, it wasn¡¯t a secret that what one thought of himself, even mistakenly, could affect who they really were. Hell! Wasn¡¯t he a perfect example that, more than unconsciously affecting one¡¯s own psyche, a person could very well willingly remodel their own mind, even if the process was slow.


    Finally, again as usual, he smiled, chuckled, and decided he didn¡¯t care.


    Then his thoughts went into asking if not caring that he might become a sociopath actually meant he already was becoming one.


    At this point, he recalled himself he didn¡¯t know rat¡¯s ass about psychiatry, or psychology for that matter, and should just shut his mind the fuck up and enjoy his cornflakes.


    As if to make a point, he swallowed a spoonful.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Not enough sugar.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> ¡°Almost Easy¡±. I do not care neither about the meaning nor about the context, I just love the chorus.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> I¡¯d say, Girl Friends</a> is a must read, and Citrus</a>¡¯s only real default is to be ongoing.


    <3> For the record, Aapeli Berstein is Nicolas¡¯ photograph kinda-friend who also plays a dwarf painter in game, the one nicknamed ¡°Heaven¡¯s Brush¡±.


    <hr />


    Hello again.


    I expected this one to come a little earlier, but I had to check out Stone Burners</a> and Twisted Cogs</a>.


    SB is awesome! Who doesn¡¯t like a seven foot tall amnesiac berserker bulletproof dragon-girl? TC is good too, though a tad depressing at time.


    Anyway, here¡¯s the first chapter of volume 1. Hope you enjoyed it, and see you next chapter.

 V1.02 – Lemons

    Chapter 2:


    Lemons


    ¡° From the day we arrive on the planet,


    And blinking, step into the sun,


    There''s more to see than can ever be seen,


    More to do than can ever be done.¡±


    Circle of Life ¨C  Lion King


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    The monster charged again and Athena threw herself to the ground, unfazed by the wind that gushed above her. A quick roll and she was back up on her feet. Reaffirming her grip on her [Cursed Gorgon Shield], she immediately gave chase. In her mind, the countdown continued.


    ¡­ five ¡­ four ¡­


    The creature¡¯s trail was obvious, straight and marked by huge chunks of wood blasted off nearby trees. Though ¡°huge¡± was relatively speaking. To the giants of [Nowhere], those wounds barely scratched the outer layer of their bark. Still, that didn¡¯t make them less impressive.


    ¡­ three ¡­ two ¡­


    Suddenly, a grotesque and bulky shell, about three cubic metres in size, appeared before the running Shieldbearer. It was hovering about thirty centimetres above the mossy ground and covered in a dark green aura. The [Hoverturtle of Spanoosh] had come to a halt, its head and limbs tucked safely inside its keratin armour.


    ¡­ one. ¡°[Shield Bash]!¡±


    Athena lunged forward.


    A fraction of a second before she made contact, at the moment the countdown would have hit zero, the green aura suddenly flickered and a shadow jolted out of the head hole of the monster. Then the [Gorgon Shield] smashed into its side in a slightly upward motion.


    [Shield Bash] was one of the rare ¡°offensive¡± skills available to tanks. Due to its low damage output and its consensual uselessness for primarily defensive players, the skill was rather unpopular. For Athena, however, who based her playstyle on timing and precise counteroffensives, the slight knockback that came with the attack was invaluable, creating openings and gaining her precious milliseconds¡­


    ¡­at first.


    Because, again, the knockback was ¡°slight¡± relatively to the proficiency of the skill¡­


    ¡­which Athena had maxed.


    *BAM*


    Accompanied by a shockwave, the demon turtle was bashed away, flew five metres, flipped over and crashed into a protruding root. Merciless, the Shieldbearer dashed after her prey before it even touched ground. She jumped over the overturned shell, and swiftly rammed her shield downward with all the inertia of her heavy muscular body, guillotining the monster in a geyser of greyish blood.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Critical hit!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Ha¡­ ha¡­ ha¡­¡±


    Athena slowly stepped down from the inert creature, panting. The cool clearheaded battle rush was rapidly receding and the uncomfortable warmth of her usual underlying anger was coming back once more. Annoyed, she spat on the ground and kicked the bleeding corpse.


    ¡°Ha¡­ ha¡­ Damn Testudines. Ha¡­ Who the fuck thought it would be a good idea for the fastest monster here to be a freaking turtle?! Ha¡­ Ha¡­ If this is supposed to be funny¡­ Ha¡­ I guess that proves again Mom is amazing to work with those guys. Ha¡­ ha¡­ I¡¯m still no good.¡±


    As a Shieldbearer, she was absurdly durable, but she was also slow and her actual damage was ridiculously weak compared to her high Strength.


    She had worked hard to find ways around the shortcomings of her class, making clever use of her analytic mind and going for critical hits. She was now able to mostly stand for herself, unlike so many tanks out there who were utterly useless without a damage dealer. Yet, she had to admit, her method was still too inefficient to allow her to go solo.


    In the first place, tanks were optimized for party play. To create her ideal invulnerable alter ego, she had made choices and was now forced to compromise to follow through with those choices, even if that meant acknowledging how far she was from her ideal. She was weak, she knew it, and it was especially obvious when outnumbered or pinned against an opponent that was both fast and resistant, like the [Hoverturtle of Spanoosh].


    ¡°Another ¡­ stupid name.¡± Her breathing was gradually coming back. ¡°It¡¯s ¡­ becoming a trend. Ever since Bluerose ¡­. it¡¯s all [Dreadful Cockatoo], [Constipated Golem] and [Sgululurg]... Whatever that thing was. Seriously. The fuck is wrong with this place?!¡±


    Swallowing a frustrated roar, she ragingly clicked her tongue, then let out a deep sigh, a sense of dread building up in her chest.


    ¡°Haaaaa¡­¡± I blame the place, but there¡¯s something off about Victoria. She didn¡¯t even seemed to find it odd. Seriously, she¡¯s far too used to this. Why do I get a bad feeling about the future?


    Last of a long series of oddities with strange names and mismatched abilities, the [Hovertutle] had flown in short bursts, each nine seconds long, at extremely high speed. Then it would stop for one second, out of which it used less than a tenth to look around and chose the direction for its next charge. Plus, its magic barrier had made it virtually invulnerable.


    A real nightmare for a lone tank.


    The only ¡°weak point¡± of the [Hoverturtle] was that it needed to take down its defensive aura to poke its ugly head out. Which meant a window of zero point one second each ten seconds, all the while avoiding the deadly bolts of a creature that wasn¡¯t impaired by the impractical terrain.


    Ridiculous.


    Athena put the [Gorgon Shield] back in her inventory and grabbed the meat-loaded shell by its edges.


    ¡°Let¡¯s hope this thing can be cooked! Oargh!¡±


    With a loud groan of effort, she raised her dead quarry from the ground and began her slow jog back to the encampment, following the marks she had left on the outward trip.


    Since the developers of the game had deemed unnecessary to provide adventurers with a mini-map ¨C or any kind of map in the interface, really ¨C she had to be careful not to get lost. As long as she hunted in the vicinity of the camping ground, she could sprint back to safety if things went south, but getting lost in the [Valley of Nowhere] was something of a death sentence for anyone lower than level one hundred and seventy ¨C based on her own estimations, because Victoria¡¯s had proven to be¡­ of debatable worth.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    After about seven minutes of steadily depleting her stamina bar, an enormous deformed mass became visible in-between the trees, surrounded by a moving cloud of exploding rainbow bubbles.


    The darkness of the woods somewhat dimmed the flashiness of its skin, nauseating mix of pink, azure and light-green, but that only made the glowing heart-shaped marks that covered its body all the more obvious. Thankfully, its more absurd features were difficult to discern in the obscurity, but they were still intermittently revealed by the bursts of purple fire spat out by the gaping shredded hole that served as mouth to the creature.


    Oh great¡­ My headache is back.


    Despite silently cursing, Athena didn¡¯t slow down and continued in the direction of the abomination.


    I still have no idea how Victoria tamed that¡­ thing. The goblins, I guess they can be reasoned with. But this? Even she doesn¡¯t seem to know. I¡¯m sure miss Fangy has no idea how hold to it in check. No, that¡¯s wrong. She probably doesn¡¯t care about keeping it in check at all, which is fucked up! For fuck¡¯s sake! If it snaps, even me would be trashed without a chance to fight back.


    The Shieldbearer didn¡¯t like this. At all.


    She wasn¡¯t a total control freak, but she hated situations purely based on luck. She had enough of being helpless in real life. Untold Tales¡¯ Athena was supposed to be an unbreakable force of nature, one strong enough to command her own fate. Not that she was perfect, but she certainly was not someone  who should have to be at the mercy of something like luck, worrying every instant about a vile broken chimera that may or may not lose it any time soon.


    That was also the reason why she hated her new subclass so much.


    If she had been honest with herself, she¡¯d have to admit the Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound subclass had a good synergy with the Shieldbearer. A boost in magical defence, heightened resistance to manipulation, faster HP-regeneration¡­ Those were quite helpful. And she didn¡¯t spat on the additional night vision either.


    However, by its very nature, the Soulbound was chained to the Progenitor. There weren¡¯t any real shackles per se ¨C Victoria could neither control nor restrict her ¨C, but most of her new skills only displayed their full potential when fighting for, or by, her ¡°master¡±.


    ¡°¡­master,¡± she hatefully spat the word.


    She hated that.


    Hated to be restrained.


    Hated that there were aspects of her power, her own power, that she could never have complete control of. It didn¡¯t matter how much she liked Victoria¡¯s company, or Victoria herself. The simple thought she had to be with the Dhampir Princess ¨C not by choice, but by necessity ¨C was enough to spoil her mood.


    Athena wasn¡¯t such a bitch that she¡¯d consciously vent her anger on her travel mate, but she knew well enough that self-control wasn¡¯t her strong point. Victoria being partially the source of her problem didn¡¯t help either. Though, intellectually, Athena knew blaming everything on the white-haired girl was unfair, and she felt guilty about her resentment. And that guilt fuelled her self-loathing further, putting her in an even sorer mood.


    In this situation, it was no wonder that the presence of an ugly, potentially berserk, giant monster certainly didn¡¯t do much to help dissipate her irritation.


    But then, it wasn¡¯t like she had much choice but to tolerate the thing ¨C yet another fact that pissed her off.


    She couldn¡¯t cross [Nowhere] by herself, if only because she had no idea where the exit was. Victoria, despite being a powerful mage with absurd stats for her level, basically only had access to First Tier spells right now, like a godly spearman armed with an unlimited amount of toothpicks. And the goblins were basically useless in a fight, whatever the little green ¡°warriors¡± might have had to retort on that last point.


    For all the discomfort the giant disgusting thing caused her, it did keep everything else at bay. Even getting the goblins to come close by had needed some serious ¡°convincing¡± ¨C meaning some eye-to-eye discussions with the Lady Progenitor.


    Besides, Athena had other matters to worry about¡­ namely Victoria¡­ again.


    If there was one thing the confused Shieldbearer had learned about her unpredictable companion, it was that the dhampir was fearless¡­ in a very dangerous and stupid kind of way.


    Athena herself hated to feel fear, but still understood a small amount of it was necessary for survival purposes. Similarly to how pain was necessary to notice harm to one¡¯s body, fear warned against danger. However, Victoria¡­ lacked even the most basic of survival instincts. Or at least she sure acted that way.


    The cheerful fragile beauty would use the back of the gargantuan abomination as a slide, completely oblivious to the nitro-glycerine bubbles storming around her. She¡¯d spare with the goblins despite being so weak that cheap wooden swords left durable bruises on her body. She ate monster meat without a care in the world, despite the notorious potential toxicity of it.


    Oh¡­ and her arm was still broken.


    Though I¡¯m a bit at fault there, the tall woman thought as her face became slightly hotter.


    When confronted with such an absolute lack of self-awareness, Athena couldn¡¯t help but stop being concerned about herself, and worry about the childish Princess instead. But even that worry was often swept away in Victoria¡¯s pace, whose personality could suddenly switch from a defenceless airhead to a teasing know-it-all in a matter of heartbeats, killing her designated bodyguard¡¯s protective overdrive in the crib and leaving Athena in an irritated emotional tiredness.


    Seriously, that crazy bitch.


    Simultaneously sighing and faintly smirking, the Shieldbearer strengthened her grip on the dead headless giant turtle and sped up towards the hideous patchworky insult to the most basic laws of biology.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    *woosh*


    Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    ¡°Oooowowow¡­ damn.¡±


    As her consciousness settled back in her sleeping virtual body, Victoria felt the numb pain in her left leg brutally shift to a less numb pain in her left arm¡­ plus a few additional bruises she had no idea where they came from.


    ¡°Why me? Have I done something horrible in my past life? I must have been a killer or something.¡±


    Then the smell hit her. It was like the stench of a dirty stable in which someone had forgotten a barrowful of festering cheese on a sunny day.


    No¡­ never mind¡­ that¡¯s just goblins.


    ¡°Make that a serial killer¡­ though I¡¯m pretty sure eating cornflakes this morning had nothing to do with anything.¡±


    Eyes still closed, she could feel small warm and smelly bodies pressed against her. Greenies liked to huddle when they slept, and, apparently, Ru and Mia¡¯s youngest offspring had taken a liking to her.


    She didn¡¯t mind the skinship though, even if the goblins weren¡¯t exactly the smoothest beings around. She herself was a very cuddly person¡­ when she wasn¡¯t being an antisocial shut-in. She¡¯d have slept with McLeon, if the big bastard didn¡¯t spent every single night terrorising the local rodent population and fighting crime as Cat¡­ Catman¡­ Catcat?


    Whatever.


    But still, the smell was difficult to get used to.


    Well, enough of that. ¡°Hopty dopty! Rise and shine undead beauty.¡±


    She opened her eyes, only to immediately fight the dizziness that assaulted her. Every corner of her vison was cramped with bars, and numbers, and symbols, and¡­ stuff she barely had any idea of the meaning. The worst part of the display was that it remained fixed when she moved her head, disagreeing with the changing background.


    The experience was pretty much like motion sickness.


    Why did I agree to this again?


    All throughout his glorious UT gaming life, Elric had kept the visual interface at its bare minimum. Just the satiety bar in fact, and only after dying twice from hunger after forgetting to eat.


    Important things like mana depletion, low health points, or agonising stamina were accompanied by very distinct physical discomfort, so he had never judged that displaying them in such an in-your-face kind of way held any purpose whatsoever. As for less crucial information¡­ well¡­ they were less crucial, so why bother?


    However, the mighty and merciless goddess of numbers and deathly accuracy, namely Athena Pallas the Shieldbearer, had insisted again and again that this pointless flood of visual data was capital to successful teamwork and timely cooperation.


    ¡­I think. Something around those lines.


    Victoria had begged to disagree, but the opposition had proved unrelenting, spouting an impressive litany of ¨C no doubt compelling and well thought-out ¨C arguments¡­ that the princess hadn¡¯t understood at all.


    Although, truth be told, with a new body and completely different parameters, the instincts she had in the past developed as Elric would probably prove more of a hindrance than anything, so complementing the unlearning of her habits with visual support didn¡¯t sound like a bad idea at the time.


    Unaware of the gender-bent princess inner reasons, Athena must have thought that her last argument ¨C a slowly raising fist ¨C was what had ended up convincing Victoria.


    Though I can¡¯t deny this fist looked very compelling¡­ from an argumentative standpoint.


    Interestingly enough, the short-tempered Shieldbearer had seemed a bit sad that violence was the only part of her speech that didn¡¯t went ununderstood.


    Well, she is a very intellectual woman¡­ in-between punches.


    Reasons aside, Victoria was still struggling to adapt to the aggressive invasion of her field of vision.


    *ting*


    With the customary bell sound, a small blinking icon suddenly appeared in the upper-second-row-left-left-right-something area of the interface.


    ¡°Mmmh? What the¡­ odd.¡±


    The sight was odd for two reason.


    Firstly, the little envelope-thingy indicated a private message. However, it was impossible to receive PMs outside of safe zones, and Victoria was pretty sure that laying against the ant-like leg of a mountain-sized boss surrounded by a small tribe of sleeping goblins didn¡¯t nearly qualify as a ¡°safe¡± zone.


    Secondly, the small pictogram was golden instead of the usual blue ¨C she wasn¡¯t completely clueless about the specificities of the interface. Gold was the colour for communications from Whatever, yet the icon lacked the initials ¡°SA¡± indicating a dreadful fanfare-y System Announcement.


    I¡¯ve seen that somewhere¡­


    Intrigued, Victoria racked her brains for a precedent.


    It took her some time but, with an epiphany-like imaginary sound, she finally remembered this one time when Elric had tried to force his way into a player-restricted area and a GM had kindly sent him a message mentioning that it was ¡°impossible to get in, so please stop trying to blow up the castle. It won¡¯t work.¡±


    ¡­or something. Still persuaded it would have succeeded. If only I hadn¡¯t run out of [Dragon Breath Powder].


    ¡°Anyway¡­ GM, uh? What have I done this time?¡±


    I mean, besides breaking the no sex-change rule and loopholing a Grand Curse? Hey! It wasn¡¯t even my fault. I PLEAD NOT GUILTY!! ¡­ Well... maybe.


    She shrugged and mentally clicked the icon.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Siri


    To: Victoria Sangleu


    Yo! Long-time no see. Bet¡¯ya don¡¯t even remember my name. Ya said you weren¡¯t good with those. Not that it really matter anyway.


    So, ya see¡­ There¡¯s this asshole vampire noob named Rumex Sanguiwhatever. He really pissed me off, so could you destroy him a couple times? Blow up his empty numbskull and desecrate his remains? Slit his throat and throw his fucking corpse to the pigs? Stake him in the balls? That kind of colourful things.


    Pretty please? ?


    I¡¯d be super grateful. Should be easy, given you¡¯re the Progenitor and shit.


    Can¡¯t give you no reward though. Sorry ¡®bout that. My hands are a bit tied up¡­ don¡¯t even have hands actually, that¡¯s kinda sad¡­ but you get the idea.


    Thank you in advance,


    Siri.


    PS: Whahahaha¡­ Turned into a girl?! I mean, WTF? How the hell did that happen. I only have access to rough player data, but I was sooooo shocked!  XD


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    That¡­ isn¡¯t a Game Master¡­ I hope.


    With a deadpan face, Victoria stared at the message. She blinked a couple times, then mentally selected the [Reply] button.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Victoria Sangbleu


    To: Siri


    ¡­sure.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    And she hit [Send].


    Don¡¯t know who that is, but¡­ a mission by someone of dubious identity with no specific reward? When did that ever backfired? Ha¡­ ha¡­ ha¡­ Bah. Sounds fun.


    ¡°Now¡­¡±


    She glanced at the surrounding goblins, especially the two clutching to her good arm and right leg, as well as the humongous creature she was leaning against. She also noticed the absence of her favourite copper-headed body-pillow.


    ¡°She¡¯s already gone hunting? Ha, not good, I probably should try to get u-¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Siri


    To: Victoria Sangbleu


    Waaaaaaah!!!! It worked! I wasn¡¯t even sure I could PM players! So cool! I was soooooo bored! Ah! But I shouldn¡¯t abuse it. Don¡¯t know if it¡¯s a bug, but I wouldn¡¯t want to be reset wouldn¡¯t I? HAHAHAHAHA!! FREEEEEE!!! ¡­kinda. Geez.


    Well, I don¡¯t have many people I¡¯d want to talk to anyway, so¡­ can we become mail buddies?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    With a deadpan face, Victoria stared at the message, again. She blinked about four times, then mentally selected the [Reply] button.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Victoria Sangbleu


    To: Siri


    ¡­sure?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    And she hit [Send], then waited.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Siri


    To: Victoria Sangbleu


    Super big thanks! I¡¯ll¡­


    Ah, there¡¯s another sucker coming. Must get back to work. See ya! Bye.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    With a deadpan face, Victoria stared at the message...


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    cHaOS: Got a new friend?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­a genocide. I must have caused a genocide. I must repent or else I¡­¡±


    Mumbling in self-pity, and vaguely stunned, Victoria slowly stood up. The two goblings clutching to her slid to the ground without much difficulties and she proceeded to walk out of the pile of bodies, moving carefully as not to step on any young greeny.


    As soon as she took a step forward though, a number in the bottom left corner of her vision reacted to her change in horizontal velocity. She got distracted, tripped on something ¨C most likely someone ¨C and facegrounded, mercifully on a strip of thick moss.


    Still, moss or not, it hurt.


    Why me?


    ¡°¡­ I think Life hates me.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Big C: Between you and me: she does.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Serious¡­ Damn. What have I ever done to her?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Mmmmh¡­ Let me think. You die too often. I think you hold the record by the way¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Why does she care?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Dunno. Maybe she takes it as a personal insult? Also, you formed the current head of the largest assassination guild in Pandore.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Like hell this is my fault! I¡¯m not Fatherless Bird¡¯s guardian or anything.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Then¡­ Oh¡­ and you¡¯re a half-undead overlord now.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: So¡­ yeah. Life Herself officially hates you.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­Well, fuck you, Life!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Great! That¡¯s the spirit! No need to fear the wrath of one of the cardinal forces of the universe! Keep insulting her! I¡¯m sure everything will work out just fine!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Fuck you too Chaos.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: You¡¯re welcome.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    And here¡¯s another lovely chapter with, as you see, a tremendous amount of plot.


    Next chapter, our duo should finally get out of Nowhere¡­ whatever that means.


    So, thank you for reading, and see you next chapter.

 V1.03 – Obviously Lemonade

    Chapter 3:


    Obviously Lemonade


    ¡°Backstory, backstory, backstory! The backstory is what drives an evil scientist. It is the ¡®Why does he do what he does?¡¯ of the ¡®What does he do?¡¯ My point is, at its best, evil science is like undergoing deep Freudian analysis - with a theremin constantly playing in the background.¡± <1>


    ¨C Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    As she reached the large clearing where the camp had been set up, Athena was greeted by a goblin who was standing guard ¨C very uselessly so in fact, since the abomination scared the shit out of any monster in a radius of a good kilometre, but goblins presumably were too dumb to think that far.


    The goblin smiled teethily and the Shieldbearer stiffly smiled back, knowing the green monster was most likely happy about the half-ton of meat she was carrying and not about her coming back.


    While the tribe of shorties had readily adopted Victoria as some kind of crazy nanny, the tall woman had failed to receive the same goodwill. She blamed it on the language barrier, though she admitted the cursed black armour oozing purplish miasma didn¡¯t help either. It must have made quite the impression because they still were wary of her even after she changed back to casual clothes several times.


    Mia at least treated her with prudent cordiality, maybe because the matriarch and her mate Ru were hobgoblins and thus the only ones capable of reasonably complex thoughts aside ¡°eat¡±, ¡°guard¡±, ¡°kill¡±, ¡°sleep¡± and ¡°fuck¡±. Ru still seemed somewhat suspicious of her though.


    Well, I don¡¯t really give a shit about the consideration of retarded monsters anyway.


    She didn¡¯t stop by the guard, but gave him a passing glance, and mentally massaged her temples at the sight of the fabulous butterfly wings sprouting out of his back. A little further stood another weird watchman, who kept shifting between solid and gaseous form every time he sneezed. Next to him, a third one was distractedly munching on an oversized fern, his ¨C or her ¨C body turned into that of a giant caterpillar, save for a dazed goblin face.


    Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, and still carrying her heavy dead load, Athena ripped her sight away from the mutated creatures and scanned the clearing in search of the source of this localised shower of madness.


    Finding the culprit didn¡¯t take long.


    A group of five female goblins ¨C Those are females, right? They wear that sort of dress-toga-thing. ¨C  were actively busying themselves around two fires over which stood large bubbling cauldrons.


    Besides the working quintet, Victoria was supervising the preparation of supper¡­ though her role wasn¡¯t directly obvious, seeing how she was singing and proudly holding up an orange ball. All around her flew a dozen of little blades of frozen blood, like fighter jets surrounding their mothership. The flying knifes occasionally darted forwards, peeling away the flesh of what Victoria was holding, and which appeared to be a mandarin on second glance.


    Athena¡¯s headache rose one notch. She loudly dropped the corpse of the [Hoverturtle] a distance away from the fire and ran up to the crazy princess.


    ¡°Victoria! What the hell are you doing again?! I thought we agreed for you not to do your blood-thing near food!?¡±


    ¡°¡­hearts are high ? the time will fly ? so whistle while you- Oh! Thena!¡± the dhampir cheerfully exclaimed as she spun around to face the Shieldbearer. ¡°Welcome back! I was wondering what was taking you so long. And how many times do I need to remind you? It¡¯s Vicky ! Being called ¡®Victoria¡¯ sounds old and all¡­ prom-queenically princessy!¡±


    As she turned, her swarm of ruby-like blades followed the movement, maintaining its relative disposition to the hematokinetic girl. In other circumstances, Athena would have been entranced with deducing the scientific implications of this specific psycho-spatial relativity, however she was in no mood to indulge into her passion for physics right now.


    ¡°Victo- Vicky. Whatever. Could you please answer my question?¡± she asked in a dangerously subdued voice.


    The princess readily opened her mouth, but the Shieldbearer pre-emptively raised a hand to interrupt and carefully added:


    ¡°And answer in terms that would make sense to most of the average population¡­ please.¡±


    Victoria closed her mouth and her face became thoughtful as she tried to put her motivations into words. Meanwhile, a knife barrelled towards her hand, violently stabbing the unsuspecting half-skinned citrus, then the fruit torturer pensively caught her chin. The staked mandarin remained in the air, hovering with the bloody knife and leaking juice.


    It was an arduous process ¨C thinking, not stabbing stuff.  Half of the time, Victoria herself had no idea why she was doing whatever she was doing, and her ¡°explanations¡± would actually be her trying to piece her own behaviour together while analysing it out loud, resulting in a jumbled mess of suppositions and counter-reflexions. The rest of the time, when her actions actually had reasons behind them, she usually was the only one to whom it made sense, meaning the explanation of said reasons wasn¡¯t any clearer for the cause.


    Well, except when she was following someone else¡¯s instructions or complying with some societal obligations, but those made up for a very low percentage of her activities.


    After backtracking her train of thoughts for the past half-hour ¨C a really funny exercise by the way, it was always weirdly amazing, or amazingly weird, to notice how much one¡¯s mind could get side-tracked ¨C, Victoria gave up on the branching overarching grand scheme of things and soberly declared:


    ¡°I was making lemonade.¡±


    Athena took a deep breath.


    Good. A single sentence answer. That¡¯s progress.


    ¡°You¡­ are aware that¡¯s a mandarin you were holding?¡±


    ¡°Obviously. It¡¯s not like Life hands you actual lemons, and all I found around here remotely close to the citrus family was this mandarin,¡± the princess answered in a matter-of-fact tone, actually worrying about Athena¡¯s lucidity for asking such an dumb question.


    The tall woman could almost hear the notches in her mind clicking as her headache grew even further.


    ¡°¡­obviously,¡± she whispered tiredly.


    Do yourself a favour Athena, and don¡¯t question where this sexy nutjob found a mandarin in this cursed forest. Do not. It will only get worse if you let yourself be distracted.


    ¡°Then¡­ Why the blood knifes?¡±


    ¡°Well, I kinda lack my usual dexterity, ya know?¡± the nutjob replied while slightly raising her splinted arm. ¡°By the way, if you¡¯d just let me take a sip of your blo-¡±


    ¡°No,¡± cut Athena.


    ¡°Why? I just need enough for the regeneration to kick in.¡±


    Victoria had actually already received new recovery potions from Daniel-san via the [Nether Bag], yet she was afraid the knowledge had spread that Elric was in possession of this rare, possibly unique, dimensional item. It wasn¡¯t like he had clamoured the fact everywhere, but he hadn¡¯t been especially secretive about it either. If Athena had heard of it, explaining the origin of the potions would prove¡­ delicate.


    Plus the Progenitor was genuinely intrigued as to why her Soulbound was so adamant about not sharing her blood.


    ¡°Just no!¡± The tall woman could feel her cheeks warm up. ¡°And don¡¯t change the subject,¡± she hypocritically continued. ¡°You promised not to use your blood near food, so why didn¡¯t you ask someone else to peel your mandarin?¡±


    That question came out naughtier than I thought¡­


    ¡°Oh. That? Don¡¯t worry. I¡¯m planning to drink it myself. I know I¡¯m a bit careless sometimes¡­¡±


    Freaking understatement of the fucking year.


    ¡°¡­but I¡¯m not stupid. I won¡¯t do the same mistake twice.¡±


    That¡¯s something I guess.


    ¡°Although¡­¡±


    Oh God, no.


    ¡°¡­I still think it was more of a regrettable accident in an experiment that, all said and done, lead to a great discovery. The overall positive outcome makes me really uninclined to call it a ¡®mistake¡¯ and I think we should reconsider investigating further the possibilities of the side-effaaaahAAAAAAHH! OOoooOow! The gauntlaaaah! The gauntlets Thena! Fuck! It huUuurts!¡±


    Having reached the bottom of her shallow reservoir of patience, Athena had formed two fists with her armoured hands, and was now in the process of forcibly rubbing them on both sides of Victoria¡¯s white-haired head.


    ¡°No. Crazy. Mad. Science. In. The. Middle. Of. HELL!!¡± she hammered angrily.


    ¡°I don¡¯t see why noooOOAAAaaaaouch! Okay! OKAY! Sorry ma¡¯am! I give up! AAAH!! I¡¯ll be careful! Vicky will be good! So pleeeaaaase, STOP!! AAAAA¡­¡±


    Their little conflict of opinion stemmed from an event that had occurred in the first days of their leisurely trek through the monster-filled woods of [Nowhere].


    Full of good intentions ¨C the kind that paved hell ¨C, the dhampir had offered to use her fine-controlled multi-purpose life fluid to slice the meat of the monsters collected by Athena.


    The objective had been, first, to help the goblin cooks, and, second, to relieve a bit of Victoria¡¯s own feeling of uselessness. She coped better than Athena ¨C mainly because her mind erased most negative thoughts too fast for them to become a hindrance ¨C, but Victoria still felt uncomfortable lazing around while others worked around her.


    Incidentally, that had been one of the reasons why Elric had been playing solo. He loved lazing around but didn¡¯t want people seeing him doing so.


    Reasons aside, the idea had been accepted and turned out to be a huge success. Once solidified, though lacking strength as a blunt weapon, the Progenitor telekinetised <2> haemoglobin had an excellent piercing and slicing power. The meat had been swiftly cut, then prepared and eaten.


    Which was when the problem had happened.


    Soon after ingesting the food Victoria had helped with, numerous goblins had begun exhibiting abnormal aggressiveness and enhanced strength. A bad mix if any was.


    Thankfully for everyone involved, Athena had also gotten her fair share of super-strength. And, mercifully for everyone, she hadn¡¯t become ¨C more ¨C aggressive.


    Efficient by nature, the Shieldbearer had quickly ¡°calmed¡± ¨C knocked out ¨C the rampaging runts.


    At the same time, Athena had obtained a new Soulbound-specific skill, [Immortal Servant]. It granted her infinite stamina and health, as well as a huge boost in Strength, and for a whooping five minutes, and was apparently activated¡­ by ingesting the Progenitor¡¯s blood.


    A ¡°reverse-vampirism¡± of sorts.


    It had thus easily been deduced that some of Victoria¡¯s red fluid must have found its way in the food during the cutting process, and the method was henceforth declared banned by an impromptu disciplinary council comprised of Athena, Mia and Ru¡­ but mostly Athena.


    Victoria¡¯s compelling plea for more experimentations on the berserk state induced by her blood had been categorically rejected by the whole council¡­ but mostly by Athena.


    As for the [Immortal Servant] skill, its cheat-like aspect was tempered by a warning in its description. Faithfull to the precepts of the Whatever School of Vagueness, it stated that ¡°something bad might happen if this skill is used too often over a short period of time¡±, of course without specifying neither what might happen, nor how much exactly ¡°often¡± or ¡°short¡± entailed.


    Thus, the skill had been sealed and its use strictly restricted to desperate situations. The decision had been unanimous¡­ but mostly Athena¡¯s.


    Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.And Victoria¡¯s brilliant suggestion of feeding the tall woman with blood until ¡°something fun¡± happened had been mercilessly rejected once more, leaving the dhampir sulking over people¡¯s lack of consideration for the noble art of mad science.


    She hadn¡¯t sulked long though. Even in this new weak and sensually feminine body, Victoria still wasn¡¯t about to let the manly Elric¡¯s title of ¡°Reckless Imbecile¡± die out.


    Driven by her desire to experim¡­ to help, she had come with yet another plan¡­ again about food ¨C What? She was hungry.


    Monster meat was usually tough ¨C and poisonous, but nothing some herbs and a bit of natural immunity couldn¡¯t deal with ¨C and the goblin¡¯s worn-down daggers and swords weren¡¯t ideal to cut through it. Innocent as a bloodsucking kitten, Victoria had offered the best blade in her possession to remediate to the impractical situation.


    Despite being broken and ¡°blessed¡± ¨C a very subjective notion ¨C by the ¨C moronic ¨C God of Chaos, the rebaptized [Durandom] was still an unfairly sharp sword. True, the damage it dealt was purely up to luck, but that only applied to combat uses and should not have posed any problem in cutting dead flesh ¨C as long as said flesh remained cooperatively lifeless.


    The goblins had been a bit reluctant at first, but they weren¡¯t quite as intelligent as to understand the danger posed by an undocumented god-class artefact. To be fair though, Victoria had had no idea either.


    In the end, a suspicious Athena had been the one wielding the divine butcher-knife, all the while keeping a watchful eye on the dhampir princess to make sure no sneaky red crystal flew in the direction of the would-be meal.


    This lack of trust had ludicrously offended Victoria. Even she wouldn¡¯t have forgotten a promise made the previous day¡­ probably¡­ maybe¡­ she hoped.


    That evening, despite the circumspect atmosphere, everyone had enjoyed the cleanly cut meat of a [Sgululurg], a creature better left undescribed aside from the fact it tasted like baked caribou with maple syrup. <3>


    ¡­


    In Victoria¡¯s defence, the casualties had been very few.


    Oddly enough, Ru had seemed more pissed to see one of his cousins turn into a mutant caterpillar than he had been about the deaths of a handful of his tribesmen ¨C one actually hadn¡¯t died right away, but fishes usually weren¡¯t champions at breathing out of the water.


    In fact, since goblins were a relatively weak species, they were used to high mortality rate and had their high fertility to compensate. As one might expect however, even with weak family bonds, turning one¡¯s relative into a vegetarian larva was likely to cause some mild irritation.


    No goblin had overtly blamed Victoria though. Either they had been too stupid to pinpoint the culprit, or had been duped by the dhampir¡¯s honest surprise ¨C she truly had had no idea what would happen, or even if something would happen.


    Athena had been less merciful. She hadn¡¯t really cared about the goblins¡¯ wellbeing, but didn¡¯t forgive stupidity and rash actions in such a dangerous environment. Since, in light of her previous offense, Victoria had proven unable to act like a responsible adult, the tall woman had decided not to treat her like one, and resorted to the fearsome forbidden spanking-jutsu, Ichimannen Goroshi.


    Then instead of depriving the princess from dinner, she had prohibited her from touching any ingredient that wasn¡¯t to be eaten by herself. After much begging, Victoria still managed to get permission to give pointers to the cooks, as long as she kept at least five metres away from them.


    It wouldn¡¯t have been far enough if she had decided to send some blood needles into the soup, but even the Reckless Imbecile wasn¡¯t about to defy the mighty Spanking Goddess. Anyone who hadn¡¯t been spanked for fifteen minutes with a cursed metal gauntlet by someone boasting a Strength of two hundred and thirty-two wasn¡¯t allowed to call her a coward on that account.


    With all that in mind, it was understandable Athena reacted rather strongly to seeing the dhampir girl merrily swarming her instant-berserk fluid right beside their next meal.


    ¡°¡­Aaahahahaouch. You bear woman,¡± cursed Victoria, crouching on the ground, once her tormenter had freed her.


    ¡°You said something?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she groaned in mock anger. ¡°That¡¯s domestic violence against an inoffensive crippled Bloodsoul Mage! I¡¯ll call nine one one!¡±


    ¡°I doubt that would work outside of the US.¡±


    ¡°So you don¡¯t deny the charges?!¡± Victoria accusingly pointed out. ¡°At least pretend to be sorry.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not. Besides, you practically asked for that one,¡± Athena replied with a frown. ¡°I¡¯m starting to wonder if you don¡¯t make me hit you on purpose some times.¡±


    ¡°Who knows?¡± the princess admitted with a grin, dropping the angry act. ¡°Though that would be pretty fucked u-¡±


    *ting*


    A well-known light bell-sound tinkled in Victoria¡¯s hears.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Skill: Masochism


    (Passive)


    Your depraved mind relish in your own bodily sufferings. Attacks received will cause less damage but more pain. (Unrelated to the Endurance stat.)


    Level: Beginner 1


    Effects:


    - Conversion of 1% of any damage received to pain.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    The mighty Progenitor stared at the air before her with an expression as if she had just lost something precious. Athena noticed her sudden silence and empty gaze, and prudently enquired:


    ¡°Vicky?¡±


    ¡°¡­hehehe¡­¡±


    Did I really hurt her that much? I¡¯m almost positive she was half-faking, but¡­


    ¡°Vicky, is everything alright?¡±


    ¡°Hehehe. I think the game just called me a sexual deviant,¡± the gender-bent player muttered woozily, then fell silent again, head down, gripping her left shoulder with her good arm, her body faintly jerked by a bitter voiceless laughing fit.


    After a few seconds of worried hesitation, seeing Victoria was lost in her own creepy world and apparently not about to do anything dangerous ¨C for herself or anyone else ¨C, the Shieldbearer abandoned the matter and went back to help the goblins dismantle the turtle, leaving the princess to her sulky madness.


    Hehehehe¡­ Masochism, it says. So this game¡¯s a fucking psychiatrist too? Or is it a sexologist? Then again, M isn¡¯t restricted to sex I guess.


    Aaaaaah¡­ WHATEVER!! I¡¯m sick, I know that. Actually, I¡¯m surprised I didn¡¯t explode already. Athena¡¯s sweet and all, but she keeps telling me ¡°don¡¯t do this¡±, ¡°don¡¯t do that¡±, ¡°don¡¯t mix pathogens with the food¡±, ¡°don¡¯t turn goblins into dancing spatulas!¡±¡­


    Well¡­ I think I kind of like being held on a metaphorical leash like tha- Wait¡­ right. Masochism¡­ it¡¯s a skill apparently. Hehehehe¡­


    But really¡­ Can¡¯t do anything. How am I supposed to progress and understand my powers if I can¡¯t even endanger the life of a few goblins? Seriously. I wasn¡¯t even doing anything this time. I¡¯ve been a good girl, dammit! It¡¯s not like I don¡¯t have ideas, but I don¡¯t act on them.


    I¡¯m still curious what would happen if I injected my blood directly in the target¡¯s bloodstream. Would it be more intense violent madness? Or instant death? ¡­ mad ¡­ death ¡­ Oh! Seras? You still there? I was starting to worry. How do you do?


    ¡­


    Nothing? Okay. I¡¯m here if you ever want to talk. Or you¡¯re there. Same thing anyway.


    Speaking of being there¡­ nonsensical tangent¡­ I wonder why that freak Mistake is giving us a hand. Chaos just said the gig guy ¡°wanted to help¡±, but I have no idea how long before it changes his¡­ her¡­ its¡­ yeah, let¡¯s go with that¡­ its mind. It¡¯s already a miracle it didn¡¯t snap at us for so long. It¡¯s slightly uncomfortable. I¡¯m reckless, not suicidal. I¡¯d be nice to have a way to control it at least¡­


    Wait¡­ Control¡­ Hehehe¡­


    Hey, Seras! Do you think I could manipulate someone if I inject my blood inside them? Bloodbending for the win!! It should be insanely painful for the subject, but it¡¯s for science, right? Science is fun! ... Well, I suppose Nina Tucker might disagree. <4> But still¡­ So, any idea, my lovely insane disembodied freeloader?


    ¡­


    Okay. I¡¯ll think of something myself. *mental sigh* But later¡­ Let¡¯s humour Athena a little longer. She¡¯s already on edge enough, and I guess I share some responsibility in that. Aaaah¡­ I want to kill something.


    Unaware of her companion dangerous train of thought, the Shieldbearer looked over her shoulder towards the Progenitor who had gone back to peeling her mandarin in a less flashy way ¨C but still with her remotely controlled red knife, given she only had one arm available.


    Noticing her companion¡¯s gaze, Victoria simply waved back, spilling some mandarin juice on her dress, and flashed the less threatening smile she could manage with her predatory fangs.


    Just smile and wave, princess. Smile and wave.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> If some of the less knowledgeable among us wonder what a theremin</a> might fucking be, know it is is an early electronic musical instrument controlled without physical contact by the thereminist (performer), and that it is named after the Westernized name of its Russian inventor, L¨¦on Theremin, who patented the device in 1928. (Wikipedia)


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> I am sure the verb ¡°to telekinetise¡± exist¡­ right beside ¡°to telepath¡±.


    <3> This joke was brought to you by Insensitive Clich¨¦s. Insensitive Clich¨¦s, because everyone hates everybody.


    <4> Yeah¡­ science is fun¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Ordinarily I¡¯m more into subs over dubs, but this ¡°¡­big brother¡± just creeps me out soooo much more.


    <hr />


    I really should stop presuming of what will be in the next chapter¡­ Sorry, but it seems we¡¯ll have to wait at least another one before they get out of there. Probably two.


    As an apology, here¡¯s an AMV:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    I just noticed now that MM!</a> must have influenced me somewhere up the line, given the main love interest is a shy androphobic girl that punches the MC each time he gets close¡­ That¡¯s a great comedy by the way. If you have some time to waste, and would like a story where every single character is either a pervert or a pervert, give it a try.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    Careful: You will get spoiled on one of the funniest scenes of the anime.


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    I have also noticed that the Madagascar penguins have a lot of awesome quotes I shall probably use one of these days.


    With that said, thank you for reading and see you next chapter.

 V1.04 – Almost There

    Chapter 4:


    Almost There


    ¡°I never want to arrive. I love the ride.¡±


    ¨C Coco J. Ginger


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    The supper passed eventlessly ¨C Victoria cried a little ¨C and it was time to move again.


    Unbeknownst to each other, both adventuresses simultaneously took a glance at their clock ¨C displaying both IG and IRL times ¨C, hence learning it was now the middle of the night.


    As most players would tell, travelling at night in an area far above one¡¯s level would normally be either impressively ballsy or the epitome of stupidity ¨C two notions that weren¡¯t always mutually exclusive. However, most players didn¡¯t travel escorted by the local boss monster and a merry bunch of ¨C partially mutated ¨C goblins in a country plagued with eternal darkness.


    In the end, it was simply a matter of perspective.


    Oddly, it wasn¡¯t the prudent Shieldbearer, but the Reckless Imbecile who was upset about travelling at night. It messed up her in-game sleeping schedule and she only put up with it because of Athena¡¯s short login time. She also conjectured said schedule would have to be adapted soon anyway¡­ with her being a nocturnal creature and all. Walking around under the sun seemed like a bad idea in the long term future.


    Didn¡¯t Chaos say something about the Sun being female? And a klutz¡­ *sigh* I wonder if she¡¯s pissed that I turned from her personal knight to basically the boss of the people who have the most reasons for hating her? I¡¯d rather avoid that. I already pissed Life, I don¡¯t need to be on the Sun¡¯s bad side too. Aaaaah¡­ Why do I get the feeling that every single divinity beside Chaos will be running after me with [Holy Pitchforks of ¡°Fuuuuck Yooouuuuu!!!¡±] by the end of the month?


    I¡¯m sure Death could find an issue with me being partially undead. I mean, that¡¯s basically similar to fiscal evasion, no? Then the Moon will dislike me because vampires are natural enemies of werewolves. The God of Order obviously abhor my very existence, but that¡¯s nothing new. Astrea probably holds a grudge that I used her [Sanctified Carillon of Cleansing] as part of my Santa costume¡­ I¡¯ll need to retailor that thing, now that I think about it¡­ All hail Mini-Skirt Santa! ¡­ Plus there was also the matter with that novice priestess¡­ Yeah¡­ I somehow bet the Goddess of Purity would have disapprove. The Goddess of Fertility despises homos. Conflict of interest I suppose. I know I¡¯m technically not, but I don¡¯t think she¡¯ll care¡­ I say ¡®she¡¯, but it¡¯s not like I have intimate knowledge of the whole Pantheon... But I suppose a God of Fertility would be kind of... I really don¡¯t want to be hunted down by a cousin of Priapus. Please.


    Seriously, what have I done to¡­ the universe? ¡­ kill the gods ¡­ Thank you for the input Seras. That was very helpful. Haha¡­ When do I get the [Sarcasm] skill?


    Hordes of resentful invincible entities out for a bloody piece of Progenitor aside, at least sunburns ¨C in a whole new very literal sense ¨C weren¡¯t a problem right now, since the [Forgotten Valley of Nowhere] was even darker than the rest of the [Cursed Kingdom of Erwin]. While the whole country was covered in perpetual and depressing grey clouds, a heavy menacing thunderstorm brooded over the bowl-shaped valley, not to mention the natural obscurity of the ancestral woods.


    Yet, rain was scarce in Nowhere. But when it actually fell, it was as devastating as a large area offensive water spell. Being caught without cover was almost synonym of certain death and the dense canopy of the forest offered only a slight delay.


    As such, mobility was privileged and the goblins and the two girls hadn¡¯t bothered with futilities like tents. Their ¡°encampment¡± merely consisted of the few blankets the greenies carried with them. Most of the possessions of the tribe had been lost in the collapse of [Bluerose Castle] too and what little they had manage to salvage, like the large cooking cauldrons, had been stocked in the players¡¯ inventory for easier transport.


    More intelligent species might have worried about entrusting all of their worldly possessions to strangers stronger than themselves, but, as mentioned previously, thinking wasn¡¯t the goblins¡¯ strongest suit. Besides, since Athena and Victoria were indeed strong enough to decimate the whole group if they felt so inclined, stealing whatever they wanted wouldn¡¯t have posed any problem even if they hadn¡¯t been already carrying the stuff.


    However, such worries would have been meaningless because the two were women of honour who wouldn¡¯t steal from the weak. Victoria¡¯s keen experienced eye also had noted that all the greenies¡¯ belongings were junk not worth the efforts of fighting to keep, but she didn¡¯t deem pertinent to inform the righteous Shieldbearer of that particular consideration.


    And so, after packing the few things they had, everyone hopped on Mistake¡¯s broad back. The gargantuan headless ant-centaur docilely stood up and began walking in the direction chosen by the dhampir princess.  For all unpredictable it was, the Spawn of Chaos seemed genuinly happy to be ridden, if the dangerous torrent of deathly bubbles it spat out was any indication.


    Victoria eyed suspiciously the light transparent spheres that noisily exploded a dozen metres above their heads, hoping that no sudden downwards air current would send all the passengers into Bubble Oblivion ¨C home to the Marshmallow Juggernaut and the Cannibal Easter Bunny.


    Walking beside Mistake instead of riding it would have put everyone at a safer distance from the cloud of childishly attractive shimmering doom, but being stomped by a jerking tentacle didn¡¯t seem more appealing an end, so this seemed like the best compromise.


    The Big Guy¡¯s back was surprisingly stable too, unlike its mismatched supporting limbs would suggest.


    We¡¯re almost there anyway, thought Victoria as she spotted a faint rainbow glow in the distance. Not discontent to finally leave this place. As much as lazing around in a cushy princess room with the cheapest rent ever is pleasant¡­ If one¡¯s manhood can be considered ¡®cheap rent¡¯, but I guess the trade-off was worth it¡­ Mmmmh¡­ Yes, it was. Anyway, I do miss real adventure and ass kicking¡­ Though I¡¯m not sure how much ass I¡¯ll kick in my current condition. Speaking of asses, mine still hurts! Damn you Thena!


    I wonder if eating Martha¡¯s cooking would train the [Masochism] skill. And how am I supposed to explain all of this to Dorothy? I guess I¡¯ll first drop by the Elder, punch him¡­ no¡­ have Athena punch him¡­ Yes¡­ then leave Athena and Martha hit it off, hopefully with the least actual hitting involved, and I¡¯ll jump on the occasion to apologize to Little Sis for taking so long¡­ and for becoming Big Sis instead of Big Brother.


    And how am I supposed to keep my gender from Athena once we reach the village? Should I suppose every villager knows the details of the curse? Then¡­ Damn. So many problems, so little will to find solutions¡­ Bah, I¡¯ll improvise. If the secret is out, the secret is out. I¡¯ll deal with her anger somehow¡­ And if I don¡¯t¡­ well¡­ I¡¯ll fulfil my end of the deal, bring her to [Start], find a priest to deal with the cursed gear, use some of my fortune to buy her way out of her subclass, and then say ¡®Goodbye. It was fun. Sorry.¡¯ and be done with it.


    Hopefully, we¡¯ll part in not-so-bad terms and then it will be only me and Chaos, on ze road again! Yepeee! Ye¡­ pee¡­ eee¡­ WAAAAAAH!!!! I don¡¯t want that! THEEEEEENAAA!! Dooon¡¯t leeaaave meeeeeeeee!!!


    Shushing her mental cry of despair, Victoria glanced to her side to observe the Shieldbearer in silence.


    She wondered how the woman would react if she learnt that the teasing crazy eye candy next to her was in fact a ¡°he¡±. Of course, Athena was smart enough to know people rarely looked as good as their avatar, but the princess kind of took that to a whole new level. Not that she considered ¡°Nicolas¡± to be particularly unattractive ¨C or, at least, a few females of questionable objectivity had hinted otherwise ¨C, but gender usually tended to be a big issue in social interactions outside of the Kamabakka Kingdom.


    Oblivious to her companion¡¯s inner turmoil, Athena was staring at the void before her, looking oddly focused, which meant she was meddling with her interface again. She always did that whenever she had nothing else to do and was feeling uncomfortable, and, obviously, being seated on a mentally unstable abomination with enough power to crush her like a bug was one of such situations.


    This concentrated face fascinated the scatterbrain princess. It was like a mask of flesh was covering an angry sea of organised thoughts Victoria couldn¡¯t even hope to fathom. The fact all that concentration was currently directed at something Victoria couldn¡¯t bring herself to ever care about ¨C namely ¡°logical planning¡± ¨C was somehow even more fascinating.


    Victoria often wondered what it was like to be someone else. Was it just like changing some filters? Seeing the world the same way, but analysing it subconsciously with another set of values and a different baggage of experiences? Or was it like looking at something else entirely. Surely the details each individual paid attention to weren¡¯t identical, or even similar. Someone else would notice different things than she did. Those different things would sprout different reflexions, which would in turn branch out into a completely different thought pattern, a whole foreign mind-set.


    As much as she tortured her brain, twisted her point of view, or tried to look at her surroundings through the eyes of someone else, all she could ever hope to achieve was a shallow understanding of that someone¡¯s mind. She could never truly experience things like another human being. Even if she altered her personality, it would still be only her.


    It wasn¡¯t like she could be several persons at the same time.


    Only crazy people could do that.


    Staring intently at Athena, Victoria tried for the umpteenth time to grasp how the copper-headed, amber-eyed, tall and attractively muscular woman saw the world.


    What had driven her to create herself an avatar that reflected strength more than beauty, contrary to so many female players? It wasn¡¯t even like the human race couldn¡¯t combine both. And why Shieldbearer, a class so solely focused on protecting oneself that even diehard tanks called it hardcore? How could she be so short-tempered, despite being so smart and methodical?


    Why? How? Who?


    The questions endlessly spiralled inside her mind, banishing all other considerations under the depreciating label of ¡®boring¡¯.


    Victoria was familiar with this obsessive drive. She had felt it on numerous occasions in the past, but it was probably the first time her addiction was directed at another living, breathing human being, with all the complexity and predictable future troubles that entailed.


    First time if I don¡¯t count Eva¡­ Although, in her case, it¡¯s more perplexed curiosity than fascination I guess. And that girl persists in shutting me off at her metaphorical doorstep, so it¡¯s not like I have much material to go with anyway. All I know is that she¡¯s insecure, isn¡¯t good with men but okay with girls, so I suppose it¡¯s not too much of a leap to think she¡¯s lesbian. She also likes to read scientific books, and is smart enough to ace all her tests¡­ Oh, and she also easily gets violent¡­ Well, a bit like Ath-


    *noisy mental machinery at work*


    Victoria blinked a couple times¡­ then another dozen.


    ¡­wait.


    She narrowed her eyes, closing in on the Shieldbearer¡¯s face.


    No. Fucking. Wa-


    ¡°Vicky?¡±


    The dhampir princess started. Athena had apparently noticed her odd behaviour. Although, staring wordlessly at someone¡¯s face, a mere five centimetres away from them, could lead to that kind of result.


    ¡°Vicky,¡± she repeated, blushing a little, ¡°is there something on my face?¡±


    ¡°Oh? No,¡± the other replied as she retreated as inconspicuously as dhampirly possible. ¡°I was just wondering if you knew how skill levelling worked. Earlier, when I was giving advices to the goblin cooks, my [Cooking] skill suddenly levelled up even though I wasn¡¯t doing any cooking myself. Do you know why?¡±


    To fish in her maelstrom of background ideas and instantaneously come up with something to say under almost any circumstance was an ability Victoria was proud of, as it was a good way to dodge difficult questions without actually lying.


    Besides, she had been meaning to ask about skills to the Shieldbearer, assuming that Athena¡¯s reliable bank of orthodox knowledge held most of the answers to the mysteries of the game-verse. The interrogation had just slipped out of Victoria¡¯s concern, replaced by other bubbling attention-seeking thoughts, and had been laying in wait at the back of her head, ready to jump at any opportunity to take possession of its creator¡¯s vocal cords.


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Being naturally unfocused came in handy sometimes.


    Athena put up a thoughtful expression for a couple breaths, then answered without a shred of hesitation:


    ¡°Most people assume skill-related experience is obtained only through direct application of the skill. However, indirect application is as important, if not more. Experience is actually not obtained in direct consequences of your actions, but in consequence of how your actions affect your surroundings. In your particular case, you were directing a group of cooks, albeit loosely¡­¡±


    ¡°Hey!¡±


    ¡°¡­and so the skill considered that you took part in the cooking all the same. Some stats also influence the gain of EXP. Here, the Leadership stat must have applied and increased the experience gotten for commanding a group.¡±


    The simple yet complete answer actually surprised Victoria, though she knew it shouldn¡¯t have, but she also knew that an explanation of her own would have invariably devolved into a train wreck of examples, counter-examples, exceptions and unclear metaphors. As such, the princess was genuinely impressed.


    ¡°As I thought, you¡¯re quite knowledgeable,¡± she honestly praised Athena.


    ¡°I only know some basic stu-¡±


    She interrupted herself after a ¡°cut your bullshit¡± glance from Victoria¡¯s unusual eyes.


    ¡°Okay. I know a lot of basic stuff. It¡¯s nothing great though. Most of it is available in the Help Menu. I would have never thought of a trick like the one you showed me with the case and the inventory.¡±


    ¡°Bah, that¡¯s just little things you pick up with experience. I would never have the patience to go through all that ¡®basic stuff¡¯, like you call it. I just did whatever I thought would work. Or might potentially have a low percentage of maybe not not work¡­ Or just seemed like fun¡­ or¡­ anyway, my point is, sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn¡¯t. Most often, it didn¡¯t, and I just ended up wasting a lot of time. Not that I mind, mind you, but that¡¯s just crazy little me. You, you basically just told me you memorized the whole dictionary, then praised me for knowing a single little neologism that would be included in the next edition of the dico anyway. I really think you¡¯re more amazing than you give yourself credit for.¡±


    ¡°No, I don¡¯t think so,¡± Athena retorted flatly, then she perked up and added: ¡°I only know most of this because Mom¡¯s one of the top guns at Whatever. She likes to listen to my complaints about the game, then we discuss technicalities and- AH!¡±


    Athena suddenly covered her mouth with her hand and shot Victoria a horrified look, much to the confusion of the latter though, who had strictly no idea of what just happened and voiced exactly that:


    ¡°Uh? What?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I just blurt it out without thinking and¡­¡±


    ¡°Blurted what?¡±


    ¡°About my mom and¡­ you said ¡®no talk about real life¡¯ and¡­¡±


    THAT¡¯s what she¡¯s worried about?!


    Victoria was briefly stunned, but Athena seemed about to cry for some reason, so she deduced laughing in her face presently wasn¡¯t the most sensible course of action. So instead, she made an expression like she just remembered something ¨C not that she had to fake much ¨C and said in a hurried voice:


    ¡°Oh! That?! Nonono, you don¡¯t have to worry about that. There are some things about myself I¡¯d rather not talk about, so I thought it would be more comfortable to completely avoid the subject of real life. Because it wouldn¡¯t feel right to have you talk about yourself one-sidedly while I just keep my mouth shut. But if you want to talk about something, feel free. I won¡¯t get angry or anything. I¡¯m simply not programmed to get angry anyway, or at least not for long. So don¡¯t force yourself.¡±


    That was pretty underhanded of her. Victoria hadn¡¯t lied and really thought everything she had just said, but at the same time, she had slyly invited Athena to open up more while covering herself up, securing a way to confirm her recent suspicion without endangering her own ¡°secret identity¡±.


    Yes, it was sneaky, but Victoria wasn¡¯t above sneaky.


    Plus, it wasn¡¯t premeditated, so it¡¯s okay¡­ right?


    ¡°No¡­ Thanks but I¡­ I also prefer not to talk about¡­ about me¡­ the real me I mean¡­ that¡­ eeeh¡­ Sorry.¡± The tall woman¡¯s voice was hesitant, almost shy, far from her usual determined sharpness.


    The dhampir half-smiled and shrugged, outwardly expressing a sympathetic ¡°no biggie, your call¡±, while inwardly thinking:


    Tsh. Too bad. Though I suppose silence is an answer in itself.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    That was fucking deep.


    ¡°Eeeh... While we¡¯re on out of game subjects¡­¡± Athena continued.


    ¡°Yes?¡± Victoria tried not to sound too stalkerly hopeful.


    ¡°I saw something on the forums.¡±


    ¡°Ah?¡± She was a little disappointed, but that passed quickly. After all, this subject was sort of her home turf. ¡°Oh, but I wouldn¡¯t say forums are part of the NRLT rule-thing. After all, I just asked about experience and skills. It¡¯s not like we¡¯re going for full RP or anything.¡±


    ¡°¡­true.¡±


    ¡°So, what caught your interest in this vast nest of trolls? Maybe I¡¯ve read about it too. I myself am quite the forum-animal, you know.¡±


    That got her a raised eyebrow.


    ¡°It¡¯s true, though you won¡¯t find any post by me.¡±


    That wasn¡¯t a lie either. The IDs on the official forums for Untold Tales weren¡¯t linked to the game accounts, so Nicolas had jumped on the occasion to keep Elric the Knowledgeable ¡°alive¡±. He had also briefly entertained the idea of creating a second registration under the pseudo ¡°Blood Princess¡±. That idea, however, had been rejected after a bout of paranoia had suggested him that some extremely bored hacker might track down his IP address and put him in a situation he¡¯d rather avoid.


    He disliked planning ahead, put there was a whole spectrum of idiotic carelessness between not planning ahead and not thinking ahead. Being able to be too lazy to worry about the future required to, at least, not be proactive in worsening the odds.


    In conclusion, technically speaking, there wasn¡¯t a single post by ¡°Victoria Sangbleu¡± that Athena would be susceptible to find, though ¡°Elric Walker¡± still continued to give random advices to random people.


    Moreover, Elric had recently began a little side-project to test the extent of the influence his virtual fame brought him. He had never dared to do so up to now, because it might have backfired and ruined his game life if he became entangled with something bothersome. However, now that he had all but vanished, he thought it might be time to reap the profits of what he unwittingly had sown.


    Everything should be fine as long as nobody makes a connection between the Vampire Progenitor and the Solar Knight. Should be quite the leap¡­ I guess I¡¯m safe as long as I¡¯m not too obvious about it. Let¡¯s hope the current vampire hype will cover Elric¡¯s recent focus on the subject.


    ¡°Then¡­¡±


    Athena¡¯s voice snapped the double agent back to the present conversation.


    ¡°¡­what do you think of Night Noblesse?¡±


    Victoria repressed a laugh, which turned into a very unladylike choking snort.


    *cough* ¡°The vampire guild?¡±


    ¡°Yes, though they¡¯re not all vampires.¡±


    ¡°I suppose it wouldn¡¯t be very viable,¡± conceded the half-undead.


    ¡°It does gather a lot of them though,¡± the other frowned.


    ¡°Well¡­ it¡¯s understandable. The Guild Master¡­ eeeeh¡­ Twilight Count¡­¡±


    ¡°Dusk Lord.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that Sunset Earl. I¡¯ve seen some pics and read a few posts. He seems pretty charismatic. And bloodsucker is a high-specs high-drawbacks race, so the new inexperienced vampires have been through some shit and they are easily swayed. They are confused little children looking for someone to guide them through their first wobbly steps in this bright yet cruel world. To be their darkness in the blinding light. To be their fallen angel in this ocean of piety. Their prophet in this land of unknowledgeable fools. The salt on their fries. The caffeine in their Coke. The cherry on the icing on the bloody cake - though I don¡¯t like cherries myself, but that¡¯s beside the point isn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t you be serious about this?¡±


    ¡°NEVAR!! Why would I be serious? Or concerned? It¡¯s not like I plan to join.¡±


    ¡°THAT GUY IS PRETENDING TO BE YOU!!¡±


    ¡°A cute and innocent girl with a delightful personality?¡±


    ¡°THE PROGENITOR!!¡± Athena threw her arms up in irritation and Victoria¡¯s lips rose in a teasing smile.


    ¡°Yes. Yes. I¡¯m just toying with you. I know what the Chunni-ly Named One has been up to. But, like I said, ¡®not my problem¡¯. I never planned to ¡®rally my people¡¯ or whatever leaders are supposed to do. Seriously, do you see me as an authority figure?¡±


    The Soulbound diplomatically chose to practise her right to silence.


    ¡°Thought so¡­ If Nightfall Duke wants to, I wish him all the luck in the world. I¡¯m not jealous. Not one bit¡­ Though I am curious about how he legitimates his claim. Might be a fun idea to pay him a visit one of these nights, in a very polite, peaceful and definitively non-bloodbath-inducing way.¡±


    ¡°So you really don¡¯t care?¡± confirmed Athena, sensing something in the dhampir¡¯s tone but not sure what exactly.


    ¡°Absolutely not,¡± Victoria¡¯s smile broaden, yet subtly became darker.


    The Shieldbearer stared at her for a bit, then pensively turned back towards the huge torso of their ride, lost in thoughts.


    ¡°That¡¯s not my problem I guess, since I don¡¯t intend to stay your Soulbond for too long.¡± Victoria winced slightly at that. ¡°But I¡¯m also intrigued in how he managed to convince so many people.¡±


    ¡°Good Looks. Undisclosed information. Lies. Promises. Propaganda. Suitable racial variant. Free cookies. And that¡¯s only the few possibilities that I can think of off the top of my head.¡± She shrugged. ¡°Between you and me though, my bet¡¯s on the cookies. ¡®Undead dig the cookies¡¯, rule three hundred and seventy-four.¡±


    ¡°Rule?¡±


    ¡°Another place, another time, another life¡­¡±


    Athena waited, but Victoria didn¡¯t plan on elaborating further.


    ¡°O-kay¡­ Well, he did say he was a high vampire. I guess that¡¯s a variant.¡±


    ¡°There, you have it.¡±


    ¡°But some group seems onto him though.¡±


    ¡°Mmmh?¡±


    ¡°Some shady underground cult has been calling Dusk Lord an imposter and hindering Night Noblesse at every turn. From what I gathered, they are players from various races, even vampires, and from various kingdoms, with apparently no relation to each other except that most wield weird weapons, and that they always joke around and laugh whenever they attack.¡±


    ¡°Fanatics are scary,¡± Victoria concurred, nodding wisely.


    ¡°They call themselves the ¡®Followers of the Omniscient Crazy Kaleidoscope¡¯.¡±


    I¡­ I didn¡¯t know that.


    ¡°Any idea why they would attack NN?¡± Athena asked, turning back to face her companion.


    ¡°None, Thena,¡± the dhampir quietly assured as the darkness from her smile spread to her narrowing eyes. ¡°Absolutely none.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    That was ¡°Almost There¡±¡­ a title which is as much for the protagonists than for me I guess¡­ *sigh*


    On a side note, I¡¯ve been reading Super Powereds</a> lately. It¡¯s kind of boring at first and predictable too, but it really grows on you by the middle of the first volume. Although I still don¡¯t get how it remains so highly ranked on topwebfiction</a>, especially with things like Midnight Moonlight</a> and Stone Burners</a> to compete with.


    Hell, it¡¯s even higher than Worm</a> and God knows that story is awesome ¨C regardless of whatever slight personal issues I might have with that one¡­ I mean Worm¡­ not God¡­ although¡­


    *cough*


    But I guess fame and ranking are often self-sustained resources. Don¡¯t get me wrong, SP is entertaining, well-written, and funny¡­ It¡¯s just that teenagers at hero school don¡¯t send my blood pumping as much as an amnesiac dragon-girl fighting the system and criminal warlords or a neurotic bipolar paranoid vampire.


    Then again, maybe I just enjoy psycho chicks¡­


    Anyway, enough talk about better stories than my own. Thank you for your support, and see you next chapter where¡­ something will happen¡­ I¡¯d say they finally get to Kansas, but I¡¯m still cautious about such baseless predictions.

 V1.05 – Out of Nowhere

    Chapter 5:


    Out of Nowhere


    ¡°Alice: But I don''t want to go among mad people.


    Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can''t help that. Most everyone''s mad here.¡±


    ¨C Alice in Wonderland


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    ¡°RU! MIA! FUKOF ENDAI!!¡±


    Waving widely, Victoria shouted at the slowly disappearing figures of the goblins. The little monsters were still riding the perplexing master of the valley as they moved away from the faint multicolour glow radiated by the barrier, and rapidly dissolved in the obscurity of the forest. The dhampir noted with interest that her night vision, while excellent in ambint darkness, didn¡¯t allow her to see that well through the shadows when she herself was standing in a much brighter spot.


    Always good to know. I probably could try to work something out with [Echolocation]. Although making noise to detect enemies is also the best way to get found out, so it would only be useful in situations where having both parties lose the element of surprise would still be in our advantage.


    Hehehe¡­ ¡°our¡± advantage¡­ It feels surprisingly good to be part of a group after all, even if said group has only two people in it.


    Mmmh¡­ Maybe if I found a frequency that only I can hear? That¡¯s a long shot, especially since I can¡¯t do ultrasounds in ¡°human¡± form, but one worth trying. HAHAHA!! Who said I was bad at planning? ¡­ Right¡­ That was me. Well, I guess that doesn¡¯t exactly qualify as a plan. More like the idea of the draft of a plan.


    I suppose the best I can hope right now is some kind of forewarning from the [Predator] trait, whatever that thing does. Aaaaah¡­ I should hurry and retrain [Trap Detection]¡­ and [Running], for good measures. [Falling] never hurt either¡­ pun! *mental cough of hidden shame* And [Stealth], let¡¯s not forget [Stealth]. I doubt I will be able to destroy enemies with the power of [Floral Arrangement]¡­ though I will still try if we ever find a very aggressive bouquet! BEWARE YOU HEATHEN BEGONIAS!!!


    Well, in the end, the biggest hurdle remains my shitty Strength and Vitality. Damn. I¡¯m not one to give up so easily, but that department seems pretty hopeless with both stats forcibly reduced. FUCK YOU GAME!! Who¡¯s a [Weak Sheltered Maiden]? How¡¯s that even a racial trait! Shit! I¡¯ll have to focus on Agility and the [Avoidance] skill¡­ Ah. Right. That one was absorbed by the [Fighting Mastery]¡­ which was also reset to beginner one.


    *sigh* Well, fuck m-


    ¡°Ouch.¡±


    Lost in thoughts, Victoria turned around, only to bump into something hard, black and metallic. She didn¡¯t give much attention to the low red numbers that appeared before her and raised her eyes to meet a pair of disturbingly focused ambers. Her heart skipped a beat, but it took her only a couple seconds to remember that Athena always had that look. it wasn¡¯t especially directed at the dhampir herself.


    ¡°What?¡± questioned Victoria, somehow more harshly that she had intended.


    The Shieldbearer raised an interrogative eyebrow.


    ¡°Fuck off and die?¡±


    ¡°Oh... Well, that means ¡®goodbye¡¯ in goblin.¡±


    ¡°Okay, but ¡®Fuck off and die¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Your pronunciation is terrible,¡± the dhampir said in a pitying tone, dejectedly shaking her head.


    ¡°Do you want to get punched?¡±


    ¡°Oh? So you ask now? And here I was under the impression it only came unexpectedly with uncontrolled bursts of anger. Really, Thena dearest, it¡¯s quite sad that we are unable to have simple civilised argumentative discussions. Why always violence?¡±


    ¡°Would you listen to sound argumentation?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°Quod erat demonstrandum.¡±


    ¡°Latin now? Wow. Aren¡¯t you quite a stud¡­ent?¡±


    ¡°Seeing your smug smile¡­ That was supposed to be a joke?¡±


    ¡°Sadly¡­ But I think I should give up. Good humour is wasted on a cave woman such as yourself.¡±


    ¡°Do you really want to get punched?¡±


    ¡°What if I said ¡®yes¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Then I would be worried and vaguely creeped out.¡±


    ¡°A very honest answer, as expected¡­ Then, yes, please hurt me.¡±


    ¡°I had a hunch¡­ but you really are that kind of person after all?¡±


    ¡°Masochist? I guess I am¡­ Though I said ¡®yes¡¯ mostly because I wanted to see the ¡®worried and vaguely creeped out¡¯ side of you.¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re a sadist too?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ my sweet yet aggressive copper-headed giantess,¡± she replied while patting the woman¡¯s breastplate, ¡°let¡¯s just say that your very existence allows me daily discoveries of new facets of colourful myself. Although I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s a good thing.¡±


    ¡°¡­ You say this like I¡¯m at fault here.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re violent and screwed-up. Abyssus abyssum invocAOUCH!¡±


    ¡°Satisfied?¡±


    ¡°Owowow¡­ You messed up my ending. Truly no respect for ancient languages.¡±


    Athena opted to ignore the annoying pale princess.


    Spinning around with the efficient grace of a giant tiger, the tall woman stepped upon the narrow path that protruded out of the green rainbow-coated cliffs of Nowhere. This was the route Elric had neglected when he first came here with the Elder, preferring to jump down for some nebulous reasons. The path was steep and full of unstable rocks, but it beat climbing by about every unit of measurement Victoria could think of.


    The Progenitor gave her painful forehead a rub, idem for her still faintly sore butt ¨C her hand lingering a bit on that one ¨C, then fell into step behind her Soulbound without uttering another word, displaying all the natural majestic elegance of a wounded sulky kitten.


    After a couple minutes though, the Shieldbearer broke the silence herself without slowing down nor looking back:


    ¡°you think they¡¯ll be safe?¡±


    ¡°Ha¡­ Who?¡±


    ¡°The goblins.¡±


    ¡°I have no fucking clue,¡± Victoria shrugged. ¡°The big guy could have ¡­ eaten them by noon tomorrow for all I car¡­ know. We could have taken them with us, but it¡¯s a ... a bit of an undead festival out there, they wouldn¡¯t have lasted a day. Ha¡­ Ha¡­ And leaving them in Kansas wasn¡¯t an option either.¡±


    ¡°No, of course. You can¡¯t expect humans to accept living with monsters.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ not it. Ha¡­ I mean, I suspect every villager is actually insanely strong¡­ Well, except Dorothy¡­ Ha¡­¡± the princess¡¯ breathing was becoming rougher with every word she spoke.


    ¡°Your NPC little sister?¡±


    ¡°Yeh¡­ Yes, her¡­. Ha¡­ But, my point is, I don¡¯t think they would care about a few goblins¡­ Ha-ha¡­ settling in the clearing. Ha¡­ But ¡®a few¡¯ is the keyword here. Kansas is sort of an¡­ Ha¡­ Ha¡­ isolated oasis in a desert of doom, and the reproduction rate of ¡­ of goblins isn¡¯t suited for an enclosed environment devoid of natural predators. Haaaaa¡­ The balance of the biotope would collapse due to ¡­Ahn¡­ overexploitation of the natural resources, leading to starvation a-aaand an interspecies conflict over¡­ *wheeze* over food which would result ineluctably in the total ahnhhh¡­ anihilation of the goblin forces, which would in the end utterly defy the whole¡­ *wheeze* ¡­ Haaa-haa¡­ the whole purpose of bringing them there in the first place. Ahhhh¡­¡±


    ¡°Even though this feels like a very specific scenario¡­ I think I get your point.¡±


    ¡°Yeahhhh¡­ pffff¡­ Leaving them with¡­ *inhale*¡­ Mistake is a¡­ a risk, but it¡¯s also their best¡­ shot. Why¡­ *cough* Why do you care, by the way?¡±


    Because I sure don¡¯t. I mean, they¡¯re funny and make good guinea pigs, but it¡¯s not like they can¡¯t be easily replaced. Dammit this path is steep. Fuck you, my sexy weakling body.


    ¡°They¡­¡± hesitated Athena. ¡°I guess they grew on me. They were kind of cute.¡±


    Victoria blinked slowly.


    She did that a lot lately, blinking in stupor, and her eyelids were beginning to feel sorer than her ass. She distractedly wondered if that was in any way an application of the word ¡°shitface¡±, but banished the nonsensical thought as soon as it formed.


    ¡°¡­I think we need to work on your definition of ¡®cute¡¯, Thena, or I might take offense if you ever call me that.¡±


    Then again, if I¡¯m correct, she also thought that McLeon was cute¡­ Oh shit. She might really be Eva. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?


    ¡°I would never call you cute,¡± Athena retorted in a perplexed voice, still without looking back.


    ¡°My, thank you¡­¡± ¨C the irony was strong in this one.


    Though Athena didn¡¯t respond, barely audible mumbles reached Victoria¡¯s enhanced vampire ears over the preceding woman¡¯s broad shoulders:


    ¡°I mean, ¡®cute¡¯  means ¡®adorable¡¯ right? You wouldn¡¯t say that about someone who¡¯s so arousing and defenceless that you¡¯d want to shove them down into a bush and rip their clothes off, right? Not that there would be much to rip off anyway. Seriously she should be a little more caref-¡±


    *sbam*


    ¡°Vicky?!¡±


    At the sound, Athena accomplished an inhumanly fast one-eighty on the narrow path, disregarding the dangerous precipice beside her. Had Victoria witnessed the feat, she would have appreciatively whistled at her companion¡¯s uncharacteristic recklessness. However, the princess was apparently far too engrossed with her make out session with the hard ground to notice anything else right now.


    ¡­what?


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Fifteen minutes later¡­


    ¡°¡­and that¡¯s why we can conclude with absolute objectiveness that princesses do, in fact, not poop.¡±


    ¡°I still can¡¯t understand how you reached that conclusion. No player does.¡±


    ¡°Obviously! I mean, even if you put aside the sheer impracticality of needing to use the restroom in the middle of a dungeon, the act of excretion takes up a surprising amount of time. Did you know the average occidental human being spends almost a sixth of his life in the toilet.¡±


    ¡°¡­no. I did not. And I have a feeling I could have easily survived a few more years without that specific piece of information.¡±


    ¡°Sarcasm Thena? Now that so doesn¡¯t suit you. I¡¯m the snarky one in our little comedic duo.¡±


    The Shieldbearer grumbled something about not remembering joining an entertainment group, but Victoria thoroughly ignored her and continued in a thoughtful voice:


    ¡°On the other hand, don¡¯t you think it is strange that players don¡¯t poop, but still can puke? This selective replica of the digestive system really is weird. It¡¯s like the developers weighted the gross against the inconvenient and decided on a compromise that could be disgusting and realist without hindering the gaming experience.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s probably not far from the tru-¡­ Wait. Are we really having this conversation?¡±


    ¡°Well, I needed something to get my mind off the current situation, and that¡¯s the first thing that I thought of.¡±


    ¡°¡­I see.¡±


    The situation the dhampir princess was referring to was her being piggybacked by Athena. After her brutal tripping, caused half from exhaustion and half from shock, Victoria hadn¡¯t been able to walk any further. The narrow ledge they were progressing on didn¡¯t really suit the princess-carry, so they had been forced to resort to the less graceful piggyback.


    From a practical standpoint, this was all well and good, but from Victoria¡¯s, there was one little problem.


    ¡°Thena, your hands.¡±


    ¡°What about them?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re squeezing again.¡±


    ¡°Oh. My apologies.¡±


    Despite what sounded like sincere remorse, Victoria didn¡¯t feel the palms grasping her buttocks relax in any way.


    ¡­sexual offender. That woman! Tricking the innocent me into thinking she was such a straightforward and honest person when she hid such a deviant personality! How DARE she?! ¡­ Wait¡­ that reminds me¡­ didn¡¯t Yasmin leave in a hurry with a dubious excuse the day she bathed with Eva at home? ¡­ YOU!! How dare you put your hands on my childhood friends in my bathroom?! MY bathroom!! At least let me watch. Ha! No, that¡¯s not the problem here¡­ is it?


    ¡°Besides, shouldn¡¯t you hold my thighs instead?¡±


    ¡°Your broken arm is in the way. You are leaning too much backwards, so I need a better hold.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got an answer to everything, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Only when I¡¯m right.¡±


    ¡°And you say that with such a straight face despite blushing all the time until now¡­ Was it all an act? No¡­ I bet you¡¯re the type that gets eager only when they think they¡¯re in a position of power. You just like being on top, don¡¯t you? Tell me I¡¯m wrong, you violent pervert!¡±


    ¡°Pervert? Says the girl who wears transparent panties.¡±


    ¡°Aaargh¡­ touch¨¦! My inexistent modesty hurts¡­¡±


    ¡°Plus, it¡¯s not even your real body.¡±


    Oh, you have noooo idea, young padawan.


    ¡°¡­well. That¡¯s true, I guess.¡±


    Shrugging it off, Victoria stopped protesting and slumped against her Soulbond¡¯s armoured back.


    ¡°¡­that¡¯s it?¡± Athena asked, vaguely suspicious.


    ¡°Hmmm?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think that was such a decisive argument. Even I can think of a dozen counters. And I know you¡¯re more resourceful than me on that point.¡±


    ¡°I think you¡¯re plenty smart yourself.¡±


    ¡°That isn¡¯t about smarts. Having a good IQ and logical mind doesn¡¯t automatically makes you great at argumentation.¡±


    ¡°Oh? It¡¯s rare to hear you admit your own worth.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s something Mom often says. I¡¯m nothing that great. And stop trying to change the subject.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not particularly trying¡­ You¡¯re a weird one, Thena. Why would you be upset at me for admitting you are right.¡±


    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.¡°Because it¡¯s never about me convincing you, and more about you reaching a conclusion on your own for some reasons I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    ¡°I was right¡­ You do crave being in control.¡±


    Athena remained silent, not confirming anything, but not denying it either. Victoria sighed at the stubborn woman.


    ¡°Alalalalah¡­ What am I going to with you?¡±


    Unbeknownst to the Shieldbearer, that statement was also directed at her real self. Now that the idea had taken root in the princess¡¯ mind, it was rapidly growing and Victoria subconsciously analysed, compared and linked everything the tall muscular woman did to the knowledge she had gathered after weeks of trying to approach the deceptively shy bookworm. Be it wishful thinking or not, the possibility ¡°Athena equals Eva¡± was gaining credibility by the minute.


    Victoria sighed again, seeing only troubles for herself in the future.


    ¡°And, to answer your question¡­ I suppose my will to protest only went that far.¡±


    ¡°What is that supposed to mean?¡±


    ¡°It means I¡¯m¡­ exploring my own feelings right now.¡±


    No, really, I have no idea how I should feel about having my ass shamelessly groped by someone stronger and taller than me. It¡¯s not like this was very high on my list of potential awkward situations I may one day encounter¡­ at least not compared to things like ¡°being kissed by a man¡± or ¡°being raped by my drunk succubus neighbour¡±.


    ¡°So you¡¯re actually enjoying this.¡±


    ¡°That didn¡¯t sound like a question. How the hell did you reached that conclusion?¡±


    ¡°But you do,¡± Ahtena repeated in a matter-of-fact tone.


    ¡°¡­tsh. I thought I was the one with mind control here.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. Acknowledging your own desires is the fastest way to make peace with yourself. It¡¯s nothing to be ashamed of.¡±


    ¡°Haha. Your psychiatrist told you that?¡± Victoria couldn¡¯t contain a mocking retort.


    She didn¡¯t want to be so acid with the tall woman, but her own state of emotional confusion made the meanest part of her selfish personality much closer to the surface.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Athena fell silent again, and Victoria¡¯s eyes widened slightly in realisation.


    ¡°¡­seriously? Oh, sorry.¡±


    ¡°No, don¡¯t be. It¡¯s my fault. You¡¯re right.¡± The dhampir couldn¡¯t see her ride¡¯s face, but she didn¡¯t need to in order to hear how distraught her companion sounded. ¡°I¡¯m just projecting my own issues on the people around me and I-¡±


    Victoria¡¯s valid hand shot from Athena¡¯s back and covered her mouth, then violently jerked the Soulbound¡¯s head so that her eyes were locked with those of the Progenitor. And the Progenitor was pissed.


    ¡°Oh! Come on! Fuck, Thena. Don¡¯t start bullshitting again. You¡¯re just dumbly repeating some psycho-crap everybody knows but no one cares about. You¡¯re smarter than this.¡±


    Athena tried to protest but Victoria stole the opportunity from her.


    ¡°Besides, you know what? Yes! Yes, I enjoy you grasping my butt while walking next to a precipice that ever so slightly tickles my fear of heights, on top of being so weak that I have no hope of resisting whatever you¡¯d suddenly want to do to me. Yes! That probably makes me a twisted masochist. And, YES!! Those feelings freak me out for reasons I don¡¯t even want to think about! But hell if I¡¯m going to blame you for pointing out that I¡¯m even more fucked-up than I thought.


    Seriously, you think you¡¯re bad? You think you have issues? Have you met me? My focus is screwed, my priorities all over the place, and nothing turn me on more than mind break, enslaving and body modification Japanese porn!


    So, yes, I have issues. You have issues. And everybody who don¡¯t can go fuck himself for being fucking boring!! Maybe you feel bad about it? Maybe you want to be normal? But, hey! Cheer up! That won¡¯t happen anytime soon! Because whatever that psychiatrist of yours told you to make you feel better, that¡¯s just a truckload of shit! You can¡¯t help being a violent pervert more than I can help being a selfish idiot who thinks the worth of everything in this world is only proportional to the fun it can bring me.


    You¡¯re broken and there¡¯s no fixing it. Get over it. And why would you want to get fixed? To go back to the ¡°normal¡± system that broke you in the first place? Nah, that¡¯s just too freaking boring. And sad. Don¡¯t forget sad. Life got you technicolour and you¡¯d want to go back to black and white? HAHAHA!! What a joke!


    And what does ¡°normal¡± mean anyway? The ¡°norm¡± is just a standard that describes the majority. And the majority? That¡¯s nothing more than the largest minority. If you counted all the groups that don¡¯t belong to that so called ¡°normal majority¡±, I¡¯m pretty sure the latter would end up fucking overwhelmed. That also why democracy doesn¡¯t work all that well, but let¡¯s leave politics aside for now.


    But hey, I can understand there are things you don¡¯t like about being a freak. As much as being normal sucks, you can¡¯t live without interacting with other people, because being lonely is even more boring than being normal. So it¡¯s no good if your freakiness cripples you socially. But what can you do? I mean, I told you, fixing is no regeneration. It¡¯s just a way to patch up things. To take an object that isn¡¯t fit for its prior purpose and force it to function again in a weakened state. A repaired item is much more likely to break again.


    So, don¡¯t try to fix, but twist more. Take the cracks that mutilates you and enlarge them, direct them a direction you choose, overlap the layers of freak, shape your madness, carve your own self! Being broken doesn¡¯t make you defective! Being broken is an art form!!


    And maybe what I¡¯m saying doesn¡¯t make sense. Maybe I¡¯m wrong. Actually, I¡¯m sure I¡¯m wrong. But, you know what? I don¡¯t fucking care, because I¡¯m happy like this, and there¡¯s no reason you should not. Don¡¯t be afraid, don¡¯t be ashamed, don¡¯t care! Don¡¯t try too hard to fit a mould that doesn¡¯t fit you anymore, because trying to push the red square in the hole of the blue triangle will only end up in breaking your toy! Even kids know this! And if you don¡¯t like being a red square, fuck the blue triangle, and become a green hexagon!!¡±


    Victoria¡¯s breath was rough, she was panting and her eyes were sparkling with exalted insanity. She had lost control of her speech midway and even herself would have some difficulties in explaining whatever her point had been in the first place.


    However, right now, the crazy girl had the happiest smile Athena had ever seen on someone past the mental age of five. It was a smile that said everything was fun and everything that wasn¡¯t was so unimportant that it could as well not be there. It was a childish smile with a hint of delusional madness, one that didn¡¯t know about the sad things of the world, or more accurately denied them the right to exist.


    It was irrational, illogic and incorrect, but, at this moment, the self-loathing Shieldbearer wanted nothing more than to believe in this smile that promised that everything would be alright and that the world could go fuck itself if it disagreed.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Hahahahaha!! What¡¯s with the face, Thena? Come on, girl, less thinking and more walking. You have limited gaming time, and we still need to find a way to go through the impenetrable barrier of rainbows!¡±


    That snapped Athena back out of her irrational daze.


    ¡°¡­what?¡±


    Victoria blinked, took a short breath, and beads of sweat began flowing down her neck.


    ¡°Oh¡­ right. The barrier¡­ I almost forgot ¡®bout that¡­ Now that I think about it. I think I lost key. It must have been somewhere in my bedroom in [Bluerose Castle]. Haha¡­ TeheeeeeeEEEEEEEEEHHHH!!¡±


    In the middle of her act of cute cluelessness, the scatter-brained dhampir suddenly found herself dangling upside-down over an abyss of a couple hundred metres, her ankle caught in an inescapable grip. The bottom of her dress passed over her head and she was somehow overcome by a feeling of draughty nostalgia.


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡± the threat was left hanging in the air, much like its target.


    ¡°Kyaaaaahahaha! Good to have you back, buddy! That¡¯s how I love my Thena! Ruthless and shame-free! Hahaha¡­¡±


    The grip on her ankle relaxed ever so slightly.


    ¡°¡­hahAAAAHH!!! Okay! Okay! I¡¯ll figure something out, don¡¯t worry. Just calm down!! Hahahaha¡­ HEEEEELP!! Hahahahaha¡­¡±


    How fuck. That¡¯s bad. I¡¯m really enjoying this.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    A few minutes later, a nauseous but confusingly satisfied princess was standing on a rock platform, three hundred metres above ground, and staring intently at a thin veil of shimmering rainbow lights. Beyond the veil, a long tunnel extended. The green colour of the stone it cut through was only visible on a distance of a few steps before everything melted in obscurity.


    On the other side, Victoria knew, was the small grove growing behind the Elder of Kansas¡¯ log cabin.


    At the thought of that cackling wrinkled face, its scarce blond hairs, golden eyes, and absurdly white teeth, the dhampir princess felt a sudden burst of anger. She clenched her fists as something riled up at the back of her mind, and a sudden urge to punch something washed over her.


    ¡°Amb-¡±


    A low cough, accompanied by the rhythmic tapping sound of metal against metal, quickly quelled Victoria¡¯s bursting desire for violence


    The princess meekly looked back, only to be greeted by the nightmarish vision of a tall woman, clad in a cursed black armour and surrounded by twirling purple miasma. Her wavy copper hair faintly flew in the wind, and she stood out fiercely on a background of thunderclouds and lighting. Her expression was hard and her arms crossed, the fingers of her right gauntlet slowly ticking against her armoured left biceps. The sound of it was oddly clear over the muffled growl of thunder. Her amber eyes, set on the shivering maiden before her, were burning with cold fire that promised hell if said maiden even dared not to accomplish her task.


    Facing the darkest embodiment of the Greek goddess, Victoria felt a torrent of cold sweat run down her nape.


    She briefly wondered why she was crying blood but not sweating it. She didn¡¯t allow her mind to linger on the grossest implications of that idea, and quickly went back to staring at the barrier¡­ but not before taking a rapid screenshot of the female warrior in all her dreadful might.


    For better or worse, Athena was back to being pissed. The girl before her was responsible, though admittedly not entirely, for the weeks of lost time they would need to fix this mess. The only reason the tall woman hadn¡¯t trounced the silly girl yet, all budding feelings aside, was that the latter had promised to help no matter what and seemed relatively competent despite her aura of carelessness.


    However, they were now blocked by an obstacle and, be it friend, potential sex partner or prospective lover, Athena would be damned before she¡¯d let anyone back down on a promise made to herself, no matter how much of a sweet piece of a¡­vatar that person was.


    Although, if some telepath had been hanging out with the two females for the past few days, he could have told that Athena¡¯s mind was less murky than it had been an hour before, and that Victoria¡¯s earlier little crazy speech probably had something to do with it.


    That however, was far from apparent in her exterior demeanour. In fact, it would need at least a good night sleep and some self-reflection for the princess¡¯ semi-hypnotic monologue to show any lasting effects, which meant, right now, the aforementioned princess feared more for her life than for her, also repeatedly aforementioned, ass.


    ¡°So¡­¡± Victoria began prudently. ¡°Last time, the Elder handed me this red tear-thingy and I was able to cross effortlessly. But the tear-thingy disappeared, so I guess that¡¯s out. Mmmh¡­ What exactly is that barrier anyway. I¡¯d say Soul magic is a safe bet, but¡­¡±


    Distractedly, she extended her hand towards the ever-changing kaleidoscope of impassable light¡­


    ¡­and passed right through it.


    ¡°Ala?¡±


    Surprised by the absence of the expected resistance, Victoria lost her balance.


    ¡°Alalalala-aouch!¡±


    Through the rapidly clearing fog of her groggy mind, the Progenitor wondered if, amongst the bulk of her heavenly misfortune, the God or Goddess of the Earth hadn¡¯t fallen in love with her sexy princessy self and wasn¡¯t trying to force a kiss any time They saw the occasion.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    The dormant [Vampiric Tear] has been activated.


    Harmonization with the new host.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    A surge of burning pain above her chest brutally redirected her thoughts towards far less cosmic considerations. Jerking on the ground, Victoria arched her back and let out an inhuman shriek:


    ¡°AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRHHHH!!¡±


    Unconcerned, the blue window blinding her began its merciless clinical report.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Harmonization with the [Vampiric Tear].


    Completion: 0.01%


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    The screams continued.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    A cliffhanger¡­ yeah¡­ But, hey, they¡¯re out¡­ Well, one of them is.


    My first draft had the item named [First¡¯s Tear] or [Porgenitor¡¯s Bloodtear], but I went with [Vampiric Tear] for some reason¡­ I wonder why¡­ Hehe¡­


    Oh, and, yes, I plan to have ero scenes at some points. So, to those who find it disturbing considering the MC is technically male¡­ I know I am at least¡­ you have been warned? Is that a question?


    Anyway, thanks for reading, and see you next chapter, which will be¡­ deep.

 V1.06 – Soulception

    Chapter 6:


    Soulception


    ¡°We need to go deeper.¡±


    ¨C Internet meme


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    ¡°AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRH!!!!!!¡±


    ¡°VICKY!!¡±


    Victoria¡¯s fall and her consecutive howl of pain had occurred at a mere second of interval.


    The Shielbearer barely had time to consciously register the former before her body leapt forward on its own. For all her anger and bitter intransigence, Athena was starting to genuinely like the weird dhampir girl. Also, as a tank, her sense of purpose naturally drove her to protect others, though the irony of the fact didn¡¯t entirely escape her in this particular setting.


    Unfortunately, her leap was cut short when she violently slammed against the wall of light. It felt as if she had just rushed head-first into electrified steel. She bounced back but luckily collapsed short of the edge of the platform.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 500 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have been [Stunned].


    Time remaining: 30 sec.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Unable to move, but still conscious, Athena was forced to powerlessly listen to her companion¡¯s throat-wrenching screams, as the seconds passed with unacceptable slowness.


    Fucking drunken gay barrier.


    Yeah, because not being heterosexual didn¡¯t make one any better or worse at insulting things¡­ or fan of rainbows.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    On the other side of the capricious veil, Victoria barely noticed the cartoonishly unsuccessful attempt of the Shieldbearer. The pain was growing more intense fast, as if a piece of white hot iron was making its way out of her thorax. Also, a bone-crushing pressure was exerted all over her body. Or not her body? It felt like every millimetre of her being was being squashed, but the sensation wasn¡¯t physical. Not exactly.


    She wasn¡¯t, as she dazedly noted, losing any Health either. But it was only when she heard Seras¡¯ mental cry join her own that she understood what in her specifically was being crushed.


    It was her soul. Or souls maybe. She wasn¡¯t sure. She wasn¡¯t sure of much right now, with all this pain searing though her mind.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Harmonization with the [Vampiric Tear].


    Completion: 0.2%


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    The pressure continued to steadily increase, eclipsing even the scorching heat that radiated through her upper body. She felt about to suffocate, her ungoverned brain wondering for the umpteenth time how much a half-undead actually needed to breath, then leaping to questioning if a spiritual pressure could actually damage her lungs, before another stab of pain destroyed this train of thoughts.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Harmonization with the [Vampiric Tear].


    Completion: 0.3%


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Time flowed at an impossibly sluggish pace. It was a surprising how distress and suffering in fact simultaneously shut off the brain and allowed it to notice every single detail of the torture it was subjected to. The cruel irony of this selective surge of efficiency in the usual mayhem of her mind actually sent Victoria into a fit of delirious laughter.


    ¡°AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARrrrgh!¡±


    A mouthful of blood however, rapidly invaded her throat, shutting her up for a time before the shrieks of pain resumed.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Harmonization with the [Vampiric Tear].


    Completion: 70%


    Halt until contract with a [Soulbound].


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Then, after what had felt like hours but actually had been no more than a dozen minutes, something immaterial finally broke inside her, like a dam, or a shell. The pressure vanished, as if it had accomplished its purpose. Even the burning pain in her chest dulled as inexplicably as it had sprouted.


    Victoria was left panting, muscles as if shredded and with the distinctive taste of her own blood in her mouth.


    ¡­ it hurts ¡­ Thena? ¡­ tastes awful ¡­ Where is Thena? Thena tastes good...


    Unable to think properly, the ravaged dhampir absently asked herself if inflicting so much pain to a player was actually legal, then let out a gory chuckle as she recalled the state of her virtual body.


    Obviously, at least as far as ¡°she¡± was concerned, the company had long since acted rather cavalierly with legal matters. She probably should have been a little worried and half-jokingly think up a few conspiracy theories, but she was far too drained to care for the moment.


    As Victoria tried to come back to her senses, sapphire haze began to fill her crippled consciousness.


    Or, less than it filling her mind, it was her mind that was sinking through the deep blue fog.


    As the metaphorical curtains of the maddening torture slowly parted, and over the receding echo of her own guttural screams, the collapsed Progenitor heard a distant voice yelling her name, asynchronous sounds oddly coming from both the outside the mist and its deepest part.


    ¡­Thena¡­


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Existence of a [Soulbound] confirmed.


    Resuming harmonization.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Victoria was a smart girl. And for all comatose she was, she could still add two and two, which lead to a very concise yet meaningful whisper:


    ¡°¡­shit.¡±


    As abruptly as it had stopped, the pain erupted again, but without the soul-crushing pressure.


    The burning sensation began flowing out from her chest, like liquid metal through her veins, crawling on her skin, engraving her body and infiltrating her soul. Compact threads of red light began invading the sea of blue fog, growing deeper from the outside in, like stylized roots digging through the earth.


    Victoria felt lost, incapable of coherent thinking, yet certitude suddenly dawned on her that she was surrounded. The haze she was in had no real limit, not in the physical sense of the word, but the blood-red roots still encompassed it all, leaving no possible escape. Victoria didn¡¯t know where this conviction came from, but there was no denying it.


    She was trapped. She panicked. She fled. Fled deeper in the dense vaporous magma that she now naturally recognised as her own soul. Again, she couldn¡¯t say how. She just¡­ knew.


    Victoria quickly managed to put some distance ¨C though she wasn¡¯t sure how the concept of distance applied here, maybe depth was more accurate ¨C between her and the roots. She was still trapped, but at least the threat felt less imminent. She was able to calm down a little and, not slowing down her flight, she considered her situation.


    ¡­ I ¡­ what ¡­ I was ¡­ run ¡­ what?


    Although she was no longer panicked, she was still unable to think clearly. And the deeper she went, the more confused her thoughts became. And the burning pain was still there, barely numbed.


    In return, the amount of information flooding her mind inexplicably exploded.


    So many things suddenly made sense. So many other suddenly made far less. She glimpsed at secrets none could even imagine and discovered that things held as universal truths were no more than fabled piles of glorified horseshit.


    So that¡¯s what this¡­ what? I can¡¯t remember.


    She could understand so many things, but she couldn¡¯t keep them in mind long enough to recall anything either. It left her in a daze of frustrating ever-aborted epiphany, like being drunk at God¡¯s slide show of the Creation in fast-forwards


    Like a sentient container instinctively searching for something it could actually contain, she tore her attention away from those near cosmic revelations ¨C those would have to wait ¨C and gathered her meagre focus around her current predicament.


    She knew¡­ where¡­ the roots were. Though again concepts such as spatial disposition held no meaning here. She knew how they¡­ moved? Same thing with mobility, speed, time... No sense at all. But she couldn¡¯t find other words to describe what she perceived other than call it a ¡°movement¡±. Not only were there patterns, but also a sense of purpose, a¡­ destination?


    Victoria¡¯s hampered attention snapped towards a spot in the fog. A spot in her soul. There, she noticed, there was stream? Or a thread? It was difficult do describe, again. It seemed solid, as solid as spiritual energy could be. Solid in the meaning of hard to destroy, firmly anchored into existence. Yet it was also flowing at the same time, and flowing both ways, in and out of her soul, in two opposite directions but along one and unique path.


    She decided to take a peek, if only to distract herself from the pain. It was curious how she could barely concentrate on anything, yet pain refused to let itself be forgotten. There probably was some deep metaphysical truth in that statement, but again, it escaped her.


    And since the¡­ spot¡­ was the target of the roots, it was the furthest place from them right now. Something in her intellect tried to voice an objection against that reasoning, but she knew she was right.


    Well, in all fairness, she always thought she was right, even when she knew she was wrong¡­ which made no sense, but that was Victoria.


    On her way to the thread-stream-spot, she suddenly noticed the curled up figure of a child.


    The little girl was hazy, and pieces of her were¡­ missing. Not torn off like gory mutilations, just¡­ not there. Like a three-dimensional pencil drawing someone had assaulted with an eraser, even if the childish metaphor seemed ill-suited for the heart-wrenching desperation that exuded from the girl.


    A good portion of her face had been scrubbed off, but her lifeless blue eyes were still mostly there, gazing absently through clumps of messy dull black hair and gushing out rivers of tears that evaporated as they fell from her chin.


    She sat on nothing, hugging her knees without strength, and was surrounded by a mass of reddish smoky shadows that looked like a cloud of ink underwater. The red colour of the vaporous darkness wasn¡¯t unlike that of the invading roots, but less sharp, more insidious. Less scarlet and more carmine. Less violent yet far more destructive. Less controlled. Less purposeful. But more alive.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    The red darkness swirled at a¡­ distance¡­ from the girl, apparently reluctant to approach her, yet was slowly creeping closer. The process was impossibly sluggish, almost still, but, perhaps because it was the inside of her own soul, Victoria knew the dark vaporous tendrils were inching towards the little human. As she knew they were responsible the girl¡¯s lost pieces.


    Victoria¡¯s mind was fuzzy and she couldn¡¯t think straight. She had a feeling she should recognise the girl, but the name kept escaping her grasp. The fact that the child had a formed body, albeit incomplete, in this immaterial place should have stricken Victoria as odd, yet she found it perfectly normal.


    The distribution of what she knew and what she didn¡¯t was really beginning to annoy her, but even this annoyance slipped from her mental grip.


    What was I¡­ right¡­ the stream¡­


    Victoria dreamily directed her attention ¨C she wouldn¡¯t say ¡°look¡± because she wasn¡¯t sure she herself  had a body here ¨C back to the thread-stream protruding from her soul. She was about to float¡­ move¡­ swim¡­ away from the unknown child when a small whimper rippled through her soul.


    Her attention brutally snapped back towards the little girl. A filament of blood-red obscurity had abruptly extended from the surrounding cloud and shot straight towards the kid¡¯s arm, going though it like it didn¡¯t exist and leaving another tiny hazy hole in her body. The girl, almost as devoid of life as a corpse, didn¡¯t react in any other way than a feeble whine that would probably have been impossible to hear had it been actually uttered.


    ¡­whatever that means¡­


    As Victoria¡¯s disoriented consciousness attempted to piece the scene together, another filament appeared to move out of the deceptively immobile encirclement. Without thinking, she reached out and¡­ grabbed? She couldn¡¯t say as it wasn¡¯t a physical feeling. But she definitively was holding something¡­ somehow¡­ and it burned. It burned, not like the pain that she was still distantly aware kept ravaging her body, but burned with hatred, rage, bloodlust and madness.


    It was uncomfortable, disgusting even, but strangely, it didn¡¯t hurt. It was a very familiar form of disgust and the burn seemed almost like a friendly warmth, even if Victoria could clearly sense the hostility oozing in bursts from the¡­ thing?


    Yet, she¡­ smiled? Smiled like she greeted an old acquaintance she had a rocky relationship with. A smile that she meant to be warm and welcoming but, would it have been physically on her face in front of any half-decent psychiatrist, would have granted her a one-way ticket to the closest padded cell, preferably wearing a straightjacket and Hannibal¡¯s muzzle.


    Releasing the struggling tendril, she reached out for the girl and dragged her away from the ominous cloud and into her own¡­ arms? She wasn¡¯t exactly expert in disembodied hugs. The little child didn¡¯t appear to notice, but Victoria could feel some tension leaving her¡­ body? How did she have a body if this was inside Victoria¡¯s soul? Was it some kind of projection? A spirit?


    Again, she knew she knew but she couldn¡¯t remember.


    ¡­how stupid¡­


    She could see the blue fog around starting to swirl as irritation flashed through her mind, but, even more than usual, she was unable to focus and the swirling rapidly receded. Another movement at the periphery of her¡­ vision¡­ caught her crippled attention and she focused once more on the reddish black smoke that seemed to occupy a good portion of her soul.


    She hadn¡¯t exactly noticed until now, but the red darkness was present in almost half of the¡­ space. It wasn¡¯t evident where the blue fog ended and the darkness started. In fact, it seemed both coexisted. There were¡­ places¡­ where the darkness wasn¡¯t, but the blue fog was everywhere.


    As she¡­ gazed¡­ around in wonder, a portion of the darkness condensed in the form of a black young woman. The apparition possessed a deathly beauty that looked oddly familiar. Victoria¡¯s attention perplexedly oscillated between the two females. Even with the state of the child and the smoke-like aspect of the woman, the resemblance was still undeniable.


    The vaporous apparition¡­ stared¡­ straight at Victoria with an emotionless face, then, without shifting her gaze away, extended a finger towards the little girl, in a clearly possessive gesture.


    ¡­you want ¡­ the girl?


    The dark lady nodded once.


    Victoria¡¯s attention briefly turned towards the little being in her immaterial embrace, then back to the smokes person. She wanted the girl? Of course. What right had Victoria to deny this claim? She knew the two belonged together.


    She knew¡­ yet¡­ something wasn¡¯t right.


    ¡­no.


    Even though the words were only thoughts, and her tone hadn¡¯t been any¡­ louder¡­ the conviction carried by this simple refusal rippled across Victoria¡¯s soul as if she had screamed her lungs out.


    The ripples hit the dark red woman, forcing her into the spiritual equivalent of a step back. Immediately, her deadpan yet bewitching visage twisted, disproportioned fangs sprouting out of her mouth in disorder and every shades of violent madness painting on her face.


    With a soundless roar, the monster rushed forwards, clawed hands extended towards the faded child.


    ¡­out!


    Victoria¡¯s quiet mental shout banished the creature. The smoky darkness receded and only blue fog remained.


    It was her mind dammit. And hell if she was letting her own madness control her. Or was it her own? It had seemed familiar yet foreign, like a composite of two materials, similar yet not identical.


    Incapable of retaining the thought, Victoria let her attention drift back to the child shivering in her hold. Again, the shivering was barely existent. More like an intent to shiver that she could only perceive as this was her domain. Her soul. The same way, she knew the darkness had been kept at bay, but not destroyed. It would come back. And Victoria wanted it to. The darkness was part of her. Life without it just felt¡­ boring.


    But not right now.


    She couldn¡¯t do much for the child. She had no idea who she was, nor how to¡­ heal¡­ put back together¡­ restore¡­ her. But she couldn¡¯t leave her like that. The darkness was hers¡­ theirs? But, while Victoria could play and dance with it, the girl was barely more than food. She could tell. She knew, from this mysterious certitude and from the appearance the shadow had adopted, that it had been feeding on the girl¡­ bit¡­ by¡­ bit.


    Uncertain, yet confident, Victoria willed the blue fog to move. A stab of pain pierced through her mind, reminding her that her body was still being tortured out there.


    ¡­still?


    How long had it been¡­  distances¡­ time¡­ everything was a blur.


    The fog obeyed her. Of course. This was her soul, and she was the Bloodsoul Mage. How ridiculous would it be, hadn¡¯t she been able to control her own soul.


    ¡­ how do I ¡­ know? ¡­ not ¡­ know ¡­ I ¡­ remember¡­


    The fog clustered and formed a cocoon around the lifeless weeping girl. It wouldn¡¯t stop the darkness, but at least it would delay it until a more definitive solution could be implemented. The whole thing felt a tad artisanal and rickety, and she felt something akin to¡­ irritation¡­ over her own incompetence.


    ¡­ delay ¡­ definitive ¡­ how ¡­ oh ¡­ hereditary ¡­


    Now that the girl was secured¡­


    ¡­ wait ¡­ why?


    Why had she felt compelled to help the girl? True, Victoria wasn¡¯t one to let children be tormented without reacting, but this had felt¡­ different? Like an obligation. A gut¡­ soul¡­ feeling that something had to be done. She had known the dark lady and the little girl should have been together but¡­ something didn¡¯t felt right? There was no balance. The two parts weren¡¯t coexisting but the girl was being eaten.


    In the first place, the red darkness had been too strong. Like¡­


    ¡­ two persons¡¯ ¡­ worth?


    Her mind was clouded. She couldn¡¯t think straight. Pieces of knowledge came and went. A princess. A curse. Fusion of souls. Amateurish magic. Calamity. Pain. Destruction of balance. Ignorance. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.


    The flood of pain wasn¡¯t knowledge, she finally noticed, as her mind grew even hazier. Her body was in agony. And even here wasn¡¯t deep enough to escape it. During her interaction with the fragmented being, the roots had drawn much¡­ closer.


    She sent a distracted piece of focus towards the haphazardly cocooned girl. She knew the roots wouldn¡¯t harm her.


    ¡­ this¡­ will have to ¡­ d- AAAAAAAHHH!


    Pain scorched her mind.


    She fled. Again. Fled towards the thread-stream. She knew. Her own soul wasn¡¯t safe enough. This pain wasn¡¯t only of the body. But also of the soul. She would suffer if she stayed. But the link. The Bond. If she fled there. She¡¯d be safe. Out of her. Out of the pain. Safe. With her.


    She fled. Fled as fast as she could in a place where speed didn¡¯t exist. Dashing for her only hope.


    As soon as she reached the Bond however, a tide of foul¡­ water¡­ energy¡­ smell¡­ washed over her, mix of anger, fear, self-loathing, despair, lust, love, fear, pain, fear, fear, rage, fear¡­


    Darkness.


    Darkness hit Victoria, the roots caught up to her, her soul shook in agony and her consciousness dissolved inside the fog.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    I¡¯ll try not to get a habit of cliffhangers¡­ I¡¯ll try¡­  Hehe¡­


    It took a little more time than I expected to write this one, but that¡¯s because I first wrote two later chapters. And that taught me I shouldn¡¯t write on my Itouch. It¡¯s slow and frustrating, especially because I don¡¯t know how to deactivate the auto-correction¡­ which is set to ¡°French¡±.


    Plus if I start being able to write everywhere, I won¡¯t do anything else anymore, post chapters much faster, and slowly die of inactivity and starvation.


    I¡¯m sure you¡¯d be devastate by that, so I won¡¯t do it. Thanks for your love and dedication to my health.


    Aaaah¡­


    Anyway, next chap is already mostly written, so it just need some completion and editing. It¡¯ll be up soon¡­ hopefully. See you there.


    PS: That wasn¡¯t my best title. I know, okay? But I¡¯m tired and¡­ I¡¯m afraid to sleep.

 V1.07 – There’s no place like home?

    Chapter 7:


    There¡¯s no place like home?


    ¡°A girl worth fighting f-.¡±


    ¨C Mulan


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    ¡°Vicky! Oh! Victoria, wake up! Damn! The fuck is this shit?¡±


    Kneeling on the green stone, Athena frowned as the soreness progressively left her body. Her worried eyes glared at the passed out Victoria she was holding. The white-haired girl was always so dynamic and all-over-the-place ¨C even in her sleep she trashed around ¨C that it was surprising how thin and fragile she looked now that she actually laid still.


    Beads of sweat were pearling on her forehead and her gorgeous lips quivered faintly. Her usually immaculate porcelain skin was covered in sinuous and circumvoluted blood-red lines. The asymmetrical tribal tattoo radiated from her chest, where a tear-shaped gem was embedded, and they pulsated a faint glow.


    The appearance of the princess was troubling, but what disturbed the Shieldbearer was how long the girl had been unconscious.


    True unconsciousness existed in Untold Tale, but it was a timed feature. The longest an adventurer could remain in that state was forty minutes. The duration seemed a bit arbitrary, but it was because it corresponded to ten minutes in real life.


    It was one of the settings that weighted realism against practicality, as it wouldn¡¯t do for someone who intended to log in for a couple hours to wake up two days later because he was in a coma in-game. Therefore, past that set delay, the player¡¯s consciousness automatically woke up from its sleep-like state. Their senses could still be cut off, but they could at least access to the interface and, for example, log out.


    Most actually did.


    Nobody liked being trapped in a comatose body, and the occasions when one would need to take action as soon as they woke up were pretty rare. For the average player, being knocked out and not dying for forty minutes could only mean they had sustained a serious injury, and were being slowly healed at something similar to a temple. Elric would have disagreed, given his tendency to wake up tied up to a sacrificial altar surrounded by an angry covenant of blood witches, but he was sort of an exception ¨C normal people didn¡¯t waltz in in the middle of a unholy ritual to ask for directions.


    Athena however couldn¡¯t have known her companion¡¯s slightly abnormal standards. And thus she was worried sick. And pissed, but that was a default characteristic.


    When Victoria had first collapsed, she had mindlessly wanted to rush to her side, only to pathetically fail in her heroic rescue attempt. Her irrational reaction and lack of foresight still made the tall woman¡¯s cheek flush red in shame.


    Once the [Stunned] status had worn off, she had tried to breach the barrier of kaleidoscopic rainbow, but to no avail. Then, after about fifteen minutes, an intense pain had erupted all over her body and she had nearly passed out. However the passive skills of her class had helped her endure and retain her consciousness.


    She had then noticed she could finally cross the immaterial obstacle blocking the entrance to the tunnel. She had rushed to the screaming collapsed Victoria and reflexively checked her vitals, following the first aid lessons she had taken in real life.


    Well, that didn¡¯t help much since ¡°magical tattoo eating your soul¡± wasn¡¯t something first aid prepared you to face¡­


    More than an hour and a half had passed since then and, according to Athena¡¯s short friend list, the Progenitor still hadn¡¯t logged out. The Shieldbearer was losing it from not understanding what was going on.


    She was within a hairsbreadth of slapping the girl awake ¨C FINISH HER! ¨C when Victoria¡¯s eyelids finally twitched open, narrowly escaping a gruesome fatality.


    ¡°...mmmh¡­ Thena?¡±


    Athena let out the breath she wasn¡¯t aware she had been holding and then, well, she swore of course.


    ¡°Damn! FUCK, Vicky!! What the hell happened?¡±


    ¡°What do you mean? I fell through the rainbow ¨C a fabulous expression by the way ¨C, it hurt like hell and I passed out. I think something happened before I lost consciousness, but all I can remember are some foggy red and bl-¡±


    *ting*


    The dhampir was cut off by several windows suddenly popping up in front of her.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Harmonization with the [Vampiric Tear] completed.


    <table><tbody><tr><td width="25%">Failure notification:


    Due to inadequate body, the physical enhancements couldn¡¯t be completed. The corresponding energy has been redirected towards mind enhancements.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    +4 STR


    +10 AGI


    +4 VIT


    + 44 WIS


    + 44 INT


    + 44 CHA


    +20 Willpower


    Darkness affinity has levelled up to Tier 3, Early.


    Blood (Darkness) affinity has levelled up to Tier 2, Early.


    Soul (Darkness) affinity has levelled up to Tier 2, Early.


    [Bewitching Eye] has levelled up to Beginner 5.


    [Bloodline Aura] has levelled up to Beginner 5.


    [Drain] has levelled up to Beginner 3.


    [Hematokinesis (Higher)] has levelled up to Beginner 6.


    [Metamorphosis] has levelled up to Beginner 6.


    [Stealth] has levelled up to Beginner 3.


    New skill [Bloodsoul Contract] awoken.


    New skill [Soulmate] awoken.


    New skill [Soul Mediation] awoken.


    New skill [Soul Sense] awoken.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''> Vampiric Tear </td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Type:</td><td colspan=''2''>Unique Artefact</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''2''>Restrictions:</td><td colspan=''2''>Bloodsoul Mage, Vampire (duh!)</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>


    An ancient artefact, heirloom created during the [Twilight War] by the hand of the [First Progenitor Drake Sangbleu], father of the vampire race, as a container for the true essence of the fusion between Blood and Soul magic.


    In the absence of a legitimate host, the gem was given to the Corbin family for safekeeping, and later used as the key to the [Ultimate Rainbow Barrier of Keep the Fuck Out] by the [Awesome Three].


    Known Attributes:


    - Control over the URBKFO.*


    - Complete immunity against any harmful Soul or Blood magic. Any direct damage by Soul or Blood spells, of a level higher than the host¡¯s respective affinity, will deplete the vampire¡¯s Thirst instead of Health.*


    - Accelerated mastery of Soul and Blood spells.


    * shared with the Soulbound when in range of the [Soul Sense] skill.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Skill:


    Bloodsoul Contract


    Fucking slave contract! Happy? Happy?! A bit of blood and tada~: enslaved soul!!


    Well, okay¡­ it¡¯s more like a familiar than a slave. The other party gets a few advantages too. Pseudo-immortality is always a nice one. No more than two at your current level though. Your Soulbound doesn¡¯t count. Wouldn¡¯t work too well on the living either. And ask first, that¡¯s called ¡°being fucking polite¡±.


    Oh, and try not to bite more than you can chew.


    Level: Beginner 1


    Effects:


    - The subordinated soul cannot go against the orders of the skill user. That¡¯s the theory, but the possibility of disobedience exists, and its probability is equal to the level difference if the subordinate¡¯s level is higher.


    - If dead, really dead, the subordinated soul, and their eventual envelope, can be brought back with a blood offering by the skill user after 24 hours.


    - The subordinated soul gets minor resistance to Blood and Soul magic.


    - Mana can be transferred from the master to the subordinate within the range of [Soul Sense].


    - Other minor things you will have fun finding out¡­ tehee~


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Skill:


    Soulmate


    (Passive, Shared)


    That¡¯s the Power of Love, dude. L.O.V.E.


    Level: Beginner 1


    Effects:


    - Both soulmates are always aware each other¡¯s approximate relative location.


    - When in range of [Soul Sense], the acute awareness of the other¡¯s soul reduces the probabilities of friendly fire by 10%. Doesn¡¯t work on area-of-effect attacks¡­ duh.


    - Shared mana-pool. Again, [Soul Sense] range.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Skill:


    Soul Mediation


    Dive in the metaphysical depths of your soul and uncover your mind''s true potential. Side-effects may include nausea, disorientation, loss of focus, short-term memory loss, the inability to remember anything useful learned in the state of meditation, as well as low level psychosis. Basically, it¡¯s damn useless at its current level.


    Level: Beginner 1


    Effect:


    It¡¯s complicated.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Skill:


    Soul Sense


    (Passive)


    Mind thing.


    Level: Beginner 1


    Effect:


    Sense souls. Range: short.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Hoy¡­ Isn¡¯t there something wrong with the last two? And what¡¯s with ¡°Range: short¡±?! Is that even a recognised unit of measurement?!! The [Vampiric Tear] seems useful at least, even though a couple of names in there are suspicious. Most of my vampire skills have gained one or two levels. That¡¯s something. But the discrepancy between body and mind stats continues to grow¡­


    Ah. I gained three levels right? Let¡¯s put those fifteen points in Agility¡­ and¡­ done. Because of the [Weak Sheltered Maiden] trait, I need five point for one in Strength and Vitality, so let¡¯s leave protection to Thena and concentrate on movement¡­ Since when do I care about those things? Mmmh, I need to be careful, Thena seems to have a bad influence on me. Anyway, at least now I should be able to dodge a stone thrown by a tetraplegic penguin with bad aim.


    I probably should find a mount. [Riding] is still at Beginner 3¡­ Maybe I could catch a [Night Mare] and use that [Bloodsoul Contract] skill? I¡¯d like to avoid something named ¡°Asparagus¡± though.


    Done with her latest adjustments, Victoria titled her head and contemplated her status window.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Status Window</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Identity</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Name:</td><td width="25%">Victoria Sangbleu</td><td width="25%">Alignment:</td><td width="25%">Darkness</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Level:</td><td width="25%">28</td><td width="25%">Class:</td><td width="25%">Bloodsoul Mage</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Race:</td><td width="25%">Dhampir</td><td width="25%">Subclass:</td><td width="25%">Princess</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gender:</td><td width="25%">Female</td><td width="25%">Marital Status:</td><td width="25%">Widow</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Title</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Immortal Exiled Princess</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Body & Soul</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Health:</td><td width="25%">210/210</td><td width="25%">Mana:</td><td width="25%">6 770/6 770</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">220/220</td><td width="25%">Fame:</td><td width="25%">1 000</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Basic Stats</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Strength (STR):</td><td width="25%">22</td><td width="25%">Wisdom (WIS):</td><td width="25%">245</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Agility (AGI):</td><td width="25%">45</td><td width="25%">Intelligence (INT):</td><td width="25%">277</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Vitality (VIT):</td><td width="25%">21</td><td width="25%">Charism* (CHA):</td><td width="25%">264 (+1)</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Additional Stats*</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Dexterity:</td><td width="25%">17</td><td width="25%">Luck:</td><td width="25%">30</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Endurance:</td><td width="25%">75</td><td width="25%">Nobility:</td><td width="25%">19</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Faith:</td><td width="25%">0</td><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">2</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Leadership:</td><td width="25%">40</td><td width="25%">Willpower:</td><td width="25%">158</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Magical Affinities</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Prime</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Fire:</td><td width="25%">1L</td><td width="25%">Nature:</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Water:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Void:</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Air:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Light:</td><td width="25%">2L</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Earth:</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Darkness:</td><td width="25%">3E</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Sub</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Blood (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">2E</td><td width="25%">Runes (Void):</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Lightning (Fire):</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Soul (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">2E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Poison (Nature):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td colspan=''2''></td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>*Stat points cannot be added to this stat.</td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    I¡¯ve become a typical glass canon, haven¡¯t I? I¡¯d appreciate if Endurance had something to do with my stamina, but it¡¯s only about damages and pain. Well, I guess that means I¡¯m not THAT fragile, but without skills¡­ yeah, the stat in itself isn¡¯t all that useful. I¡¯m sure Thena has plenty of Endurance related skills.


    Speaking of Thena¡­


    Victoria¡¯s gaze floated up towards the tall woman, who was also staring at thin air.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got something on your face.¡±


    ¡°Have you seen yourself?¡±


    The Progenitor glanced at her own arms, where had flourished red patterns mirroring those covering her Soulbound. A jolt of anxiety and the feeling of being trapped passed through her mind, but she couldn¡¯t think of any reason why those cool tattoos would scare her, so she shrugged it off.


    The tribal lines were beginning to fade anyway, so she reported her attention to her companion.


    ¡°Got anything interesting?¡±


    Athena grumbled in response, then took a last peek at her own stats.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Status Window</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Identity</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Name:</td><td width="25%">Athena Pallas</td><td width="25%">Alignment:</td><td width="25%">Darkness</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Level:</td><td width="25%">91</td><td width="25%">Class:</td><td width="25%">Shieldbearer</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Race:</td><td width="25%">Human</td><td width="25%">Subclass:</td><td width="25%">Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Gender:</td><td width="25%">Female</td><td width="25%">Marital Status:</td><td width="25%">Single</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Title</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Unyielding Defender</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Body & Soul</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Health:</td><td width="25%">5 270/5 270</td><td width="25%">Mana:</td><td width="25%">200/200</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">3 340/3 340</td><td width="25%">Fame:</td><td width="25%">160</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Basic Stats</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Strength (STR):</td><td width="25%">234</td><td width="25%">Wisdom (WIS):</td><td width="25%">20</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Agility (AGI):</td><td width="25%">60</td><td width="25%">Intelligence (INT):</td><td width="25%">20</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Vitality (VIT):</td><td width="25%">227</td><td width="25%">Charism* (CHA):</td><td width="25%">13 (+0)</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Additional Stats*</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Defence:</td><td width="25%">98</td><td width="25%">Stamina:</td><td width="25%">92</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Endurance:</td><td width="25%">88</td><td width="25%">Willpower:</td><td width="25%">41</td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>Magical Affinities</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Prime</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Fire:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Nature:</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Water:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Void:</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Air:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Light:</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Earth:</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Darkness:</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td colspan=''4''>Sub</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Blood (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">1M</td><td width="25%">Runes (Void):</td><td width="25%">1E</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Lightning (Fire):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td width="25%">Soul (Darkness):</td><td width="25%">1M</td></tr><tr><td width="25%">Poison (Nature):</td><td width="25%">1E</td><td colspan=''2''></td></tr></tbody></table>


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.<table><tbody><tr><td colspan=''4''>*Stat points cannot be added to this stat.</td></tr></tbody></table>


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Not much change. I got a couple levels since we left Bluerose. It isn¡¯t great considering the level of the area, but we didn¡¯t hunt much so I guess it¡¯s unavoidable. We would probably have died if we tried something like grinding anyway.¡±


    ¡°You worry too much. What¡¯s a few levels compared to encountering funny monsters?¡±


    That thoughtless comment got the dhampir a death glare, which she shrugged off with an impish grin.


    ¡°Aside from that, I got notifications about the specifics of that [Vampiric Tear] of yours, and also got the skills [Soulmate] and [Soul Sense].¡±


    ¡°Always useful to get new skills,¡± Victoria nodded.


    The Soulbound let out a noncommittal grunt. The skills were nice indeed, but it felt like she was more and more entangled in her dependence on the Progenitor, so she was less than pleased about this new development.


    ¡°But, about that [Soul Sense] skill¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± Victoria raise an eyebrow.


    ¡°The details are a bit complex, but, before that, isn¡¯t a radius of fifty metres kind of a short range?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Vicky?¡±


    FAVOURITISM!! That¡¯s discrimination! That¡¯s it, I¡¯ve had enough!


    The pale princess rose from the ground, her expression sombre, dark red miasma practically oozing away from her, along with an aura of palpable creepiness.


    ¡°¡­hehehehe¡­.¡±


    ¡°¡­Vicky?¡±


    ¡°¡­heheheHAHAHAHAHA!! This is it! I¡¯m the holder of the [Vampiric Tear]!! Now I shall trek on the path of the Immortals and defy the god- Owowowowouch!! Fuck, I had forgotten that one. Fucking curses¡­ But never mind, I shall fight against the Haughty Bastards who cursed my existence and show them how you really ruin someone¡¯s life!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!! I¡¯m already [Ageless], so I just need to form a Xiantian or whatever. I guess starting as a partial undead overlord is a bit jumping the gun, but who freaking cares?!? Hehehehe¡­ I will conquer the Nine Heav- AAAAAAHHHH!! FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!!! Damn¡­ I think I have a feeling I¡¯ll have to deal with Dante¡¯s Nine Circles of Hell before anything.¡±


    As she mumbled the last part to herself, a loud crackling explosion resounded in the valley outside. Athena started and turned to look towards the rainbow lights blocking the entrance.


    ¡°What was that?¡±


    ¡°Tribulation thunder of unsubtle foreshadowing¡­¡± Victoria answered distractedly. ¡°Did anyone ever told you you¡¯d make a great Fiery-Eyed Water Ape?¡±


    ¡°¡­no.¡±


    ¡°A shame¡­ Do you think I should change my name to ¡®I Drink Tomato-Juice¡¯? As a vampire, that seemed appropriate.¡±


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ even if you ask m-¡±


    ¡°Anyway. We¡¯ve taken enough of a break! Forwards Ten Ten! To our shining destinies!! Ah¡­ but no to shining. I don¡¯t want to burn. I mean, they say there¡¯s no vampire without ¡®pyre¡¯, but I¡¯d like to wait as long as possible without complying with semantic imperatives.¡±


    Wisely giving up on understanding, the Shieldbearer closed any lingering interface window and resignedly followed the rebooted kook.


    Two steps latter, though, she bumped into a standing form, who went tumbling forwards but managed to catch herself before kissing the ground yet again. Embarrassed, the dhampir turned around and shot her companion a pleading look.


    ¡°Thena¡­ I¡¯m Thirsty.¡±


    ¡°¡­Can¡¯t that wait a bit longer?¡±


    ¡°No. I¡¯m at my limit.¡± She fidgeted.


    ¡°But you were fine for almost a month.¡±


    ¡°I had had a good meal, we were in near-total darkness and I didn¡¯t do anything strenuous. And even then my Thirst bar had been slowly depleting. The harmonisation-thingy earlier kind of drained what little I had left.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not saying that just to toy with me, are you?¡±


    ¡°No! I can show you my interface if you want¡­ her-¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. I trust you¡­ I guess¡­¡± the Soulbound reluctantly said with wavering conviction.


    There was no doubt Athena was stating to appreciate the silly dhampir, but as far as trust went¡­ Victoria didn¡¯t inspire much no matter cute and helpful she was.


    Nevertheless, after considering the potential threat level of the area and concluding a straight narrow passage between a strong barrier and a warded village was probably safe, she unequipped her armour, replaced by a zero-defence casual garb, and rolled up her right sleeve. Victoria greedily grabbed the offered arm and Athena braced herself for the unavoidable.


    The princess bit down and moans echoed in the empty tunnel.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    An orange flame lit up the way in the dark underground passageway, revealing the odd green taint of the stone. [Floating Lantern], also known as ¡°hands-free torch¡±, was a common Fire spell of the first tier. It didn¡¯t burn so much as to cause any significant damage in a fight, but just enough to provide some light as well as ignite hairs, clothes and invisible gas pockets.


    For those reasons, dungeon explorers preferred equivalents of the Light affinity. As harmless, but less volatile. However, Victoria¡¯s light magic was recently giving her the way-too-hot shoulder, so her options were limited.


    In fact both women could see in the dark, but the princess had been jumping on any occasion to train her magic. Although, truth be told, this particular [Floating Lantern] had been casted mostly to piss off Athena, who despised useless actions.


    ¡°¡­have just told me it felt that way!¡±


    ¡°Like I said, it¡¯s embarrassing!¡±


    ¡°You were groping me without a care in the world barely two hours ago, what¡¯s with the change of attitude?!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s none off your business!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s especially my business! I won¡¯t deny I sort of like being punched, but I also would like to know why?¡±


    ¡°You were overindulging yourself, that¡¯s why!¡±


    ¡°But you taste so good!¡±


    ¡°STOP SAYING THAT!!¡±


    ¡°Hehehe¡­ You¡¯re a treat. A delightful candy. I¡¯d eat you up all day lo-ouch!¡±


    ¡°Shut up.¡±


    ¡°¡­Yummy schizo pervert.¡±


    ¡°Vicky, I swear, if you make any other food-related analogy, I-¡±


    ¡°Oh! The exit.¡±


    Victoria cut off the angry Shieldbearer and theatrically designated a circular opening obstructed by thick bushes. She used both her arms to do so, happy to finally be able to move her left one after almost twenty days of it being broken.


    Athena shot the princess a sharp glare, but decided to put the matter of erotic feeding aside for now.


    ¡°So we arrived at the village of Kansas,¡± she diplomatically commented.


    ¡°Almost. But I¡¯d like you to head out first. The exit is in a small grove and there¡¯s a log cabin by the grove. That¡¯s the chief¡¯s home. If he¡¯s not there, please wait for him, then bring him here.¡±


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you come too?¡±


    ¡°Sunlight. It¡¯s always sunny in Kansas¡­ which sounds really whimsical when said out loud.¡±


    ¡°Got it. And can¡¯t I just go search for him in the village if he¡¯s absent?¡±


    ¡°Better not. They have a history of welcoming strangers with holy fire.¡±


    ¡°Ouch.¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­ but they¡¯re nice people when you get to know them.¡±


    ¡°¡­I¡¯m sure.¡±


    Athena decided not to voice the reserves she had about what the dhampir considered ¡°nice people¡±. It was understandable, considering Victoria¡¯s ¡°friends¡± up to now had been a pair of dullahans, a whole tribe of goblins, and a monster that could only have resulted from a designer spilling coffee on his computer.


    Wordlessly, she headed out, leaving the princess alone to worry about future developments.


    Voluntarily or not, Victoria¡¯s hyperactive brain had inexorably worked on the different scenarios for her return in the village. Admittedly, most of them ended up with her quartered by a furious Athena next to a crying Dorothy calling her a lying witch and ordering her to bring back her onii-chan.


    But not all potential scripts were this filled with this much fun and mirth.


    Various hints Elric had wilfully ignored, or couldn¡¯t piece together back then, had come to make sense during Victoria¡¯s subconscious sessions of abstract planning. And she was dreading those possible outcomes that seemed more and more probable the more she denied them.


    Judging that preparing for the worst wasn¡¯t such a bad thing once in a while, she let the lantern die out and casted the spell she thought she might need most if push came to slaughter:


    ¡°In this low world, two can touch you. Once there was Death, and now me too. [Soul Grab].¡±


    Her hands faintly glowed blue with sparks of red, then the lights died out. The spell was low level, but she still was as usual surprised by how little it took out of her.


    ¡°Now I¡¯m set for a least half an ho-¡±


    ¡°Vicky?¡±


    The dhampir jerked her head up.


    ¡°Back already? Where¡¯s the Elder?¡±


    ¡°He wasn¡¯t there, but since there¡¯s no sun I thought you might as well come out yourself.¡±


    ¡°WHAT!?¡±


    For as long as Elric had stayed in Kansas, nothing larger than an atrophied stratocumulus had come out. Right now the time inside the game should be around noon, so there was no reason for the sun to be hidden.


    Several of her darker scenarios flashed through Victoria¡¯s mind and she rushed out, past the bewildered Shielbearer.


    The dhampir princess literally jumped out of the grove, and stood there in stunned silence. Instead of the now familiar sunny weather of Kansas, she was greeted by the also all too familiar, but much less welcomed grey sea of clouds that could be seen anywhere in the Kingdom of Erwyn.


    Athena came standing beside her, but Victoria barely noticed.


    She lowered her gaze to the bottom of the hill, half-expecting the village to be swarmed with undead.


    However she witnessed nothing but stillness. Details couldn¡¯t be picked out, as the closest houses were still too far, but there seem to be no sign of destruction or even fighting. She felt a slight sense of relief, but the utter lack of life in the scenery continued to fill her with a sense of dread and made her expect the worst of the worst.


    In all of her hypothetical scenarios, she herself ended up dead or maimed more often than not. But those she truly feared, those she refused to acknowledge with all her might, those were the ones where others ended up hurt. No matter how much pain was inflicted to her, she could always trick her mind into not caring. But when it concerned the rare people she actually cared about, there was a threshold beyond which she knew she would break.


    As a defence mechanism, her carelessness had always been a double-edged sword. A bit like her current group dynamic with the Shieldbearer, her mind was a glass powerhouse with a single extremely tough defensive wall. She could always chose not to care about what annoyed her and be a strong-minded individual full of ingenuity and optimism, but if some aggressor managed to overpower her wall of insensitiveness, they would find her core to be much more tender than it appeared from the outside.


    Dorothy!


    She was about to rush downhill ¨C Who cared if she couldn¡¯t even look at Holy Magic right now? ¨C when a low cackling voice echoed through the windy silence:


    "Kekeke. Back at last, young one. Took you long enough."


    ¨C *** ¨C


    There were a few seconds during which the world became still, holding its breath, as the quiet cackling voice rolled through Victoria''s ears like thunder and a hateful roar rose from the depth of her mind, full of lust for revenge and spine-shattering violence that the cursed adventurer didn''t even bother to repress.


    For once, she was dreadfully in sync with her resident insane spirit.


    The red in the Progenitor''s eyes surged out, devouring the blue border of her irises and leaking eerily in the surrounding white, her fangs itched as they grew imperceptibly sharper, and blood dripped out of her clenched hands as her nails dug into her palms.


    Spinning around with a speed even herself didn¡¯t know she was capable of ¨C or perhaps that was the effect of increasing her Agility by fifty percent ¨C, Victoria threw her fist straight into the old man''s face, not even registering the crackling sound that might have come from her own phalanxes, but were in fact the sound of colliding magic.


    The chief''s head was yanked backwards under the impact, but the dhampir caught him by the throat before the rest of his body could follow.


    "Ambrose!" she spat.


    Barely keeping herself from growling in hatred or ripping the wrinkled swindler''s throat, Victoria settled for squeezing until the man begged for mercy, in a display of physical strength she wasn''t supposed to possess.


    But it wasn''t all that surprising. After all, this interaction had very little to do with the physical world.


    "Kekeheergh. You came prepared, I see. When did you notice?" the chief wheezed.


    "I''m reckless and overly trusting," she whispered back, only reigning down her anger because she knew at least half of it was Seras¡¯, "but I''m not stupid. I believe this is one of the reasons why you thought I was so perfect for that little curse trap whatever of yours."


    "What gave me away?"


    "Oh... you know, the usual. Little details piles up. Timeline discrepancies. Minor screw-ups. Being the closest mage with blond airs, golden eyes and freaking Soul Magic?"


    "Keke *cough* I get why that would lead to suspicions. *wheeze* And I apologize for the inconveniences I have cau- *cough* caused you. But could you... please... release me? I promise you to explain myself... truthfully this ti-argh... time."


    The dhampir flashed her darkest smirk, but didn''t loosen her grasp.


    "I don''t know," she began in a drawling voice. "My brainmate is quite adamant that I relieve you of your trachea right now, and I''m finding myself lacking reasons to refuse her this little treat. Besides, how do I know you won''t go up in fumes the instant I let you go? Enlighten me, since my experience with ghosts mostly comes down to slicing them apart with a holy sword."


    "In all accuracy, I am not exactly a gho-oargh!!"


    "I am not in the mood for a lesson on semantics! Ghost, spectre, revenant, soul, spirit, echo, daemon! You could even be the true Ambrose Corbin''s mouldy fart who attained sentience by the Will of the Great Fart God, and I still wouldn''t give a FLYING FUCK!!"


    This was the secret to Victoria''s sudden apparent increase in strength ¨C not that subduing an old man was all that impressive, but she was a very weak person. The Elder, Ambrose Corbin, was long dead.


    In anticipation of her confrontation with the crook, Victoria had invoked [Soul Grab] upon herself. The spell enabled the caster to physically touch immaterial beings, and Intelligence was being substituted to Strength in those interactions, though only concerning offense. She still had paper-thin defence and would be in a pinch if her target suddenly decided to fight back before she was able to subdue them.


    It had been a gamble. She couldn¡¯t possibly know every single way a mage could prolong their life, but as far as Soul Mages were concerned, turning into a soul had seemed like the obvious choice. If she had been wrong, she would have probably broken her wrist and look both weak and pathetic.


    Had she been in a more lucid state, Victoria might have chuckled at the idea of beating someone with "smart" punches, but as it was, she was more preoccupied with trying to determine how much of the rage she felt was her own rightful anger over being tricked beyond acceptable bounds, and how much was Seras'' unquenchable blood thirst and vengeful hatred.


    A small fraction of her mind was also slightly worried if the game was supposed to influence her thoughts so much, while another portion noted that strangling the old man was unexpectedly thrilling and cathartic.


    "So now, old fart, answers! What the fuck happened here? And stop pretending you have trouble breathing. No matter how much I strangle you, it¡¯s not like you risk to choke any time soon.¡±


    ¡°But it still hurts. Kekeke. Now, young one, you¡¯ve always been an impetuous child. And, as it would seem, my beloved¡¯s influence does not help bring forth the most compassionate side of you. It is truly sad. She was such a sweet girl in her youth.¡±


    Now that he was done pretending, his tone and speech suddenly became as calm as if he was taking a stroll through the fields and, upon hearing his words, another burst of hatred seared through Victoria¡¯s mind. She clenched her hand tighter, digging in the man¡¯s throat, but Ambrose didn¡¯t even have the decency to pretend to be affected.


    ¡°Like you don¡¯t know whose fault it is,¡± she growled.


    ¡°Trust me, young one. I am keenly aware of my part of responsibility in my beloved¡¯s pitiable state,¡± he replied evenly, but his eyes had grown hard and his trademark smirk was nowhere to be seen. Then his gaze softened and he continued: ¡°That aside, I would gladly answer your question about the current situation in Kansas, but before worrying about people you cannot help right now, should you not focus on your friend lying over there?¡±


    Startled, Victoria half-turned her head to glance at Athena without losing sight of the deceptive old man. The Shieldbearer laid prone, collapsed on the ground in an awkward position, like she fell while turning around.


    ¡°What have you done?!¡±


    ¡°I gave us a little privacy. I assume there are pieces of information you would rather keep from your lady friend, would you not young Elric? I may be mistaken, but I am sure she has been calling you ¡®Vicky¡¯. A very cute pet name, if I dare say. Now it may be that you find your former name inappropriate for your current appearance, however I trust my intuition enough to believe there is more to the matter than simple aesthetical convenience.¡±


    ¡°All good your intuition had done you in the past, right?¡±


    A wince in the wrinkled face showed the comment had it home. Killing your wife over a misunderstanding wasn¡¯t the kind of thing easy to forget.


    ¡°That was little low of a blow, young one. I only put your friend to sleep. I could have done much worse.¡±


    ¡°Is that a threat?¡±


    ¡°A peace offering. You might be the Progenitor and the Bloodsoul Mage right now, but with me as your opponent you are way out of your depth, young man. What I propose is that you stop pretending to choke me, we both sit down, and we proceed with a more civilised form of conversation. I promise to be entirely honest this time.¡±


    ¡°Why should I trust you?¡±


    ¡°Because I have no more reason to lie.¡±


    ¡°That remains to be seen¡­ but I guess I don¡¯t have a choice, do I?¡±


    Ambrose, still in the dhampir¡¯s grasp, shrugged indifferently.


    ¡°You can refuse and try to kill me. You will fail. And you will be left without answers to your questions.¡±


    ¡°Tsh.¡±


    Victoria narrowed her red eyes, and shot a quick glance towards the village.


    ¡°Nothing happened to the villagers,¡± the chief said, guessing what she was worried about.


    ¡°They¡¯re safe then?¡±


    ¡°I said nothing happened to them. Nothing has happened to them for a long time now, but that is part of the answers I have to offer. Are you willing to hear me out?¡±


    After a silence, she eventually released the deceased prince consort, but not without squeezing a last time to make a point. She wasn¡¯t sure what the point was however.


    Rubbing his throat, Ambrose slowly sat down. He then patted the ground beside him, inviting Victoria to join him like he had invited Elric the day he first stepped inside the hidden village of Kansas. She thought of retorting she preferred to stand, but decided against childish stubbornness. After a last glance at the fainted Athena, she turned her attention towards the wise-looking old fart.


    ¡°So, spit.¡±


    ¡°Kekeke¡­ Such anger. Careful, young one, for anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll be sure to notify Thena.¡±


    She actually meant it. The Shieldbearer¡¯s anger issue was something she thought needed to be addressed seriously at some point. Victoria didn¡¯t really care about the anger per say, but it was clear Athena felt bad about it. And that she cared about, though she wasn¡¯t exactly sure why.


    ¡°Kekeke¡­ Youth¡­ Now then, young one¡­¡± the Elder said as he turned to look absently at the silent village downhill. ¡°It all started seven thousand years ago, at the end of the conflict that changed this Pandore continent forever, an unholy bloodbath almost none remember the content, much less the cause, a cataclysm which resulted in the collapse of the Magic Era and lead to the dire millenniums of the Dark Age¡­¡±


    He marked a small pause for the suspense, and Victoria briefly considered choking him again before the effect of her spell wore off.


    ¡°¡­the Twilight War!¡±


    The Progenitor suddenly felt lightheaded and the scenery around her began dissolving into a blurry mess.


    She only had the time to form one dejected thought:


    Not again¡­


    And darkness fell upon her¡­ again.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    Told you it would be soon.


    I hate updating statuses and keeping track of skills¡­ why the hell did I chose to write a VR story?


    Any-hoooo¡­ next chap is a side-story! A hilarious one¡­ I hope you¡¯ll like it¡­ editing¡­ editing¡­ See you.


    PS: I apologise to anyone who isn¡¯t familiar with Stellar Transformation for the bulk of reference jokes mid-chapter. I couldn¡¯t resist.

 V1.SS – OUAT: Majin The Scattering

    Once Upon A Time:


    Majin: The Scattering


    ¡°And with strange aeons even death may die.¡±


    ¨C H.P. Lovecraft, The Nameless City


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    He ran faster than the wind across the field of corpses, friends and foes alike, who had finally stopped raising back to unlife. All around, trapped and maimed souls called out to him, begging for deliverance. He steeled his mind ¨C it had become a second nature ¨C and ignored them, as he ignored the pain radiating from his own severed arm.


    Clean-up would have to wait. Right now, he couldn''t afford to waste time on the suffering dead when the living still might need help. That''s why he raced against time, refusing to spare attention to the curse that ate away at his own pathetic simulacrum of life.


    Not slowing down, he passed through the transparent figure of a man. He had known this person. Once a fierce lieutenant of the third army, he was now no different than the hundreds of thousands of corpses that littered this cursed battlefield, and, sad irony, his soul was being tortured by a misfired spell casted by his own allies.


    He sidestepped to avoid a lingering necrotic singularity and continued to dash forwards, his thoughts despite himself floating back to the meeting that had preceded the battle.


    The Last Battle, the Princess had said. She hadn''t even pretended to smile at the prospect of ending this nightmarish war. It had been years since they had seen Her smile, and he blamed himself for failing Her so entirely. She claimed otherwise, of course. Even decades of madness and death hadn''t managed to leave a dent on the kindness the Supreme Commander showed to everyone that wasn''t Her enemy.


    Sadly, that kindness didn¡¯t extend to Herself.


    He hated himself for failing to protect the smile of his Lady and Master. It didn''t matter if the other generals could forgive themselves, he knew he would never been able to do so.


    Even before the ultimate clash that was to bring their suffering to an end, he hadn''t found the words to comfort Her, leaving Her to give him an understanding pat on the shoulder as She walked up to Her mount Huginn with calm resignation.


    He knew it would have been useless anyway. Be it in victory or in defeat, at the end of the day they already had lost.


    Everything they swore to defend. Everything they took up the arms for. Everything they damned themselves to protect had already been laid to waste, often by the very forces they themselves unleashed but were unable to control.


    And, be it fate, irony, or the fleeting desire of some cruel gods¡­ victory it had been. But at what price? Both armies had been slaughtered, bodies and souls. The land was corrupted for centuries to come. Abominations ran rampant. And now even their Lady was missing.


    The Princess wasn''t dead, that much he knew. Wherever She might be in the world, he would have felt Her soul disappear. Since he hadn''t, but was still unable to sense Her, it meant She didn''t want to be found. The possibility that another being had captured the Princess ¨C Her who had risen to the closest any living mortal ever came to godhood ¨C wasn''t even worth considering.


    It pained him, but he respected Her choice. He had sworn loyalty and obedience. If She wanted to be left alone, this worthless retainer had no place in pursuing Her Highness. Instead, he would focus on the woman he still had a chance of being of any support to.


    The others wouldn''t be so accepting, that he knew.


    Senar had always been a stupid mutt, mindless and lost without his master. He would pursue the Princess.


    Edelwferia would leave with him. The young elven maiden¡¯s feelings for her adoptive Sister had always gone beyond those of simple siblings. And, for all he knew, the Princess had answered those feelings, even if only to comfort her sick little sister. The Lady had always been selfless in that way. As Edelwferia¡¯s days were numbered, he couldn''t bring himself to blame the girl for going after her Beloved.


    Vidal''ten would probably go too, but on his own. He had always been hard to read ¨C being partially immaterial and barely visible didn¡¯t help ¨C, and the less talkative among them, but he didn''t lose to anyone in terms of admiration for Her Highness.


    Melkior... Melkior would do whatever he wanted. He had never been the most dedicated to the cause, although his loyalty had never been in question. Vengeance was a powerful motivation indeed. But for this reason, it was unlikely that he''d go out of his way to search for their missing Commander now that the war was finally over.


    As the running man reminisced of his scattering comrades, a large crowded encampment came into view. It was startling to suddenly come upon so much life after the plains of death he had been crossing, but he wasn''t surprised as his soul had detected those people far before his eyes.


    Of course, the army wasn''t entirely made up of fighters. Blacksmith, tailors, even cooks were there, although the number of soldiers that had actually required normal food ¨C if any form of nutrition ¨C had been rather low in the past few years.


    Despite his gloomy mood, he felt faintly better seeing that at least some of their forces had survived. It was a shame though, that the only soul he wanted to check upon was the exact one he was unable to reach. But it was okay, he could sense his other half who was supposed to be next to her, and he didn¡¯t sense any anguish from his soulmate, so she was most likely safe.


    Then he saw the white-clad corpses being carried out of the camp and his blood froze.


    Immediately, he released his power and his body dissolved in a mist of red vapour carrying his soul. It was a technique he had copied from Vidal''ten. He still wasn''t able to fly through solid walls like the void elemental, but at least people and clothes weren¡¯t an obstacle anymore.


    He darted through the crowd, making a beeline for the largest tent, which was baring the crest of a laughing skull. He only switched back to solid form a heartbeat before stepping into the white pavillon, and barely registered the middle-aged midwife who addressed him a military salute as she exited.


    "Aliade!"


    "Oh, oh. Calm handsome. Is that the face of a victorious general? You look like you¡¯ve seen a ghost," an old and overused joke reach his ears.


    Relief washed over him at the sound of his wife¡¯s cheerful voice. He turned around and let his eyes feast upon the beauty who laid on the large campaign bed, surrounded by a sea of fluffy pillows. Her long thick white mane surrounded her head like an aureole and her striking icy blue eyes were underlined with unusual dark rings. In her arms, she held a bundle of cloth and a new-born soul.


    Next to her, a tall black-haired man with a scorched face was sitting on an uncomfortable-looking chair. The worried husband nodded to acknowledge Lander, his brother and Soulbound, before replying soberly:


    "Victorious? Yes, we killed the Ever-Dying King, but all our forces were wiped out too."


    "Hahaha... I bet he regretted his choice of nickname in the end," she chuckled weakly, then her tone became darker. "I''m so sorry I couldn''t be with you on the battlefield. I''m sure I could have reduced our losses."


    Aliade Merle, Aliade Sangbleu for a while now, was the sixth general of the Raven Army. Ironically, despite being the closest to an undead amongst their group, she also had the liveliest personality.


    "No. Don''t be sorry. The soldiers you raised before the battle were plenty already. It''s not your fault the baby decided to come out four months early."


    "He inherited your impatient personality, and childbirth surprisingly isn''t mentioned in strategy books."


    "An unfortunate blank, but we are used to deal with the unexpected."


    An euphemism to resume how many times they had been ambushed and outsmarted by enemies who could read the future, or even mess with time itself.


    "But you really didn''t have to leave Lander with me."


    "I preferred to go to battle with one less worry rather than with one more inefficient sword. He still hasn''t recovered enough to be of any help."


    He glanced towards his brother, who accepted the comment without objection. Even if Lander hadn''t been rendered mute by a cursed flame spell in the last battle, he still wouldn''t have complained. For the two of them, bluntness was no more than a way to show that they respected the other enough to believe them able to endure the truth.


    "Say the man who lost his right arm?" she teased.


    "I''ll grow it back, then I will return to clean the aftermath."


    "Such casual attitude about purifying tens of thousands of souls. Are you trying to show-off to your wife, Mister Bloodsoul Mage?"


    "Show-off? What matter of a fool would brag over their handling of dead souls in front of the mighty Master of Death?"


    Aliade pouted.


    "I really don''t like that gloomy nickname."


    "I think I recall you saying it sounded ''so cool'' just a decade ago."


    "Aaaah... don''t remind me that."


    He granted her one of his rare smiles.


    "So... how''s my son?"


    "Alive."


    "... I suppose that is something to be happy about, since his mother is a lich."


    "A flesh lich, please. Don''t compare me to those bony failures. I think his father being a ''vampire'' was actually more of a concern."


    Greatest Necromancer the world had ever known, Aliade had been able to properly separate her soul from her body, becoming an immortal lich for all intent and purpose, except she succeeded in keeping her body perfectly functional through the procedure. To someone unable to sense souls, she wouldn''t appear any different from any other non-undead woman... as long as that someone didn¡¯t try to do something stupid like stab her through the heart or cut her head off, in which case they would notice Aliade didn''t particularly care.


    The vampire sighed.


    "Will you ever tell me what pun gave birth to the glorious name of my species?" he asked as he made his way to his brother, who handed him a glass bottle full of an easily identifiable red fluid.


    Aliade smiled maliciously and shook her head.


    "Nope. It''s your fault for not being able to find a decent name. Even Senar did better."


    "Tsh," he snorted. "Better? What kind of word is ''werewolf''. It sounds like something an orc would come up with."


    "It sounds cool. Admit it, your naming sense sucks. That''s why I was the one to name our child."


    He gulped down the content of the bottle, and sighed in relief when his arm began to regenerate. Then he turned back to his undead wife.


    "Oooh... So my son was named ''Master of Death Junior''. How can you be so cruel?"


    For years Aliade had dutifully educated her stiff husband in the concept of ¡°humour¡±. Now she regretted her actions a bit. She stuck her tong out, before answering:


    "No." She raised the small premature boy towards his now two-handed father. Her arms were shaking slightly but he put that on account of the recent delivery. "Say hello to Mordred Sangbleu, son of Drake."


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    "Sounds dangerous." Drake smiled predatorily ¨C but the fangs didn¡¯t give him much choice ¨C as he took the sleeping child from his wife''s shaking grasp, then he added worriedly: "Are you alright?"


    "Yes, yes. Just a little tired. I''ll be fine tomorrow. More importantly, I can''t feel the Princess anymore. Did she leave?"


    His face darkened, and not only because of the matter of their missing Lady.


    "Yes, but Edelwferia and the mutt went after Her. Vidal''ten too probably, though even I can''t locate him," he answered dutifully. "But please don''t change the subject."


    "Tsh. And I thought your revered master would be a good bait," she replied, not denying the accusation.


    "She''s your Master too," Drake retorted. "But if She doesn''t want me to look for Her, I won''t. So you''re my only concern right now. You, and my son."


    He didn¡¯t mention Lander, since his brother and he were practically a single entity by now.


    "Drake... If I were to find you a fault, it would be you are too loyal. There''s more to serving someone than being their yes-man."


    "I trust the Princess knows what''s right."


    "And that''s where you failed her."


    Her tone was harsh. Drake felt panic grip his heart. Not because of what she said, but because of how she said it and why she had done so. She knew this was a sore point for him and, even if they had argued about his behaviour numerous times, she had never been this blunt. If she felt the need to push her point across even if it meant hurting him, she probably felt like she wouldn''t have more occasions of trying to convince him.


    Aliade saw the emotions twist her husband''s face as he reached the logical conclusion. She sighed.


    "Drake..."


    "You''re dying."


    There was no reproach in his voice, no accusation, just sadness.


    He extended his consciousness outside of his body and reached out to hers, then let his mind follow the immaterial link between her body and the phylactery containing her soul. He found it weakened and weakening, like a dying candle burning what little wick it had left.


    Because her soul resided in a slightly separated plane, an interstice between this world and the ether of the afterlife, he usually couldn''t feel it even with the powers of the Bloodsoul Mage, which was why she had managed to hide her state up to now.


    "I saw them carrying your White Lich Guards out. I thought maybe the pain of childbirth had made you lose grip on their souls, but I should have known that you were way too good for such a mistake."


    "That''s me," she said weakly. "The genius girl who resurrected her neighbours'' cat in her sleep at the age of five and caused the whole village to freak out."


    "How?"


    She knew from his serious and hurt expression that he wasn''t referring to the creepily cute anecdote. She closed her eyes and answered in a sombre tone:


    "Even the Master of Death isn''t a god, Drake. For the one who is dead to hope to create life without paying the price can only be called foolishness." She reopened her eyes and started intently in her husband''s. "Our child wouldn''t have lived Drake. Growing up in the womb of a body devoid of a soul, he would have been an empty vessel at best. So I did what I had to do."


    "You filled him with your own energy."


    "Like a good mother is supposed to," she chuckled self-derisively as she closes her eyes again. "Please don''t hate your son. If someone is to blame, it would be me and my own selfishness."


    "I would never hate our son. Nor you. You are the greatest person I know. How could I hate you?"


    "The greatest? Me? Hahaha¡­" she managed to laugh despite her fading voice. "What about your precious Princess."


    There was no sarcasm in this question. Aliade too respected their Lady above all, and never had her husband''s blind devotion to the woman led too jealousy. Not to say it didn''t annoy the Necromancer at time, but the Supreme Commander was also her friend.


    Drake shook his head.


    "I trust Her decisions without question because I know, no matter how deep Her hatred, Her Highness still only lives to protect Her people, and because she is a kind and benevolent person. But while She and all of us fought to defeat our enemies and protect what we had too, you, my wife, are the only one among us fools who desired to bring life as much as to protect it."


    "Haha... What a success that has been, right?" she said, the bitter irony in her voice quickly shifting to sweetness.


    "Yes. A brilliant success," Drake replied as he lowered his gaze towards the child he was holding carefully, afraid his inhuman strength might break the fragile being, or his soul.


    "It''s funny," Aliade whispered. "They praised me as an existence akin to a god, the woman who could bring the dead back to life! But all I ever did was to puppet rotting corpses¡­ And now that I finally succeed in bringing forth real, breathing, beautiful life, I won''t be around to witness it bloom and brag about my greatness. Hahaha... How stupid is that?"


    Tears began flowing down her cheeks, and she turned towards her helpless husband.


    "Drake... I don''t want to die..."


    "Aliade..."


    "I want to see Mordred grow up in the world we created... Protect him from the mistakes we made... Slap him when he''ll make a girl cry... I''m sure he will... He''s your son after all¡­ You¡­ You''ve always been terrible at handling girls... I... I want to be called ''mom'' or ''mama'' and not ''Master of Death'', ''One Woman Army'', ''Heart of Rotten Ice''... I want... I want..."


    Her voice devolved into uncontrolled sobbing.


    If her enemies, or even her own few living soldiers, had seen her right now, they wouldn¡¯t have believed this was the same woman who emotionlessly slaughtered thousands of human, elves, dwarfs and beastmen alike, and then reanimated their still-warm corpses to send them after their friends, families  and loved ones.


    That woman was nowhere to be seen, her mask fallen to reveal the little girl from a backwater village, the one who loved flowers and dreamed of founding a large family. The girl who fell in love with an overly dutiful palace guard and followed him into a mad war, resolving herself to use her gift for Necromancy she had hated above all until then. The girl who befriended her husband''s master and enjoyed sharing worries about banalities over tea and cookies.


    "Aliade... I could-"


    "No," she cut him, stopping her sobbing by a sheer act of will, her voice weak but unwavering.


    She once again forced her stiffening eyelids open and stared angrily at the Bloodsoul Mage.


    "You won''t do anything! And you won''t tempt me with empty promises. I know my soul more than anyone, Drake. And I know your powers at least as well as you do. We are the monsters we created ourselves to survive and destroy our foes. I don''t regret what I have done, and I would do it again if I had too, better maybe, but if I accept your help now¡­ If I let you use your magic to strengthen my mutated soul¡­ It won''t be me. I know it won''t."


    "I could find a way to..."


    "NO! You know how many of our ''experiments'' ended up causing as much damage as the abominations they were meant to stop? Drake, please... I finally succeeded in leaving a legacy that isn''t tainted by blood and death. Mordred will hear plenty of tales about her horrible demon of a mother growing up. I don''t want to add another about how I had to be put down as a soulless monster for clinging pathetically to a life I have knowingly forsaken."


    Drake didn''t reply and silently started at her in silence.


    "Drake... please... Just let me go."


    He took in a low breath.


    "I will make sure Mordred hears all the stories about his beautiful mother who dreamed of a shining world filled with laughs and flowers."


    "Hahaha... That''s one optimist little idiot. You should introduce us one of these days, so I can slap some sense into her."


    "She is a little idealist, but I love her."


    "...thank you."


    She closed her pale blue eyes. And this time, Drake knew the icy blue gems wouldn''t open again.


    Not a single tear fell from his eyes. Ever since he had altered his body with an original mix of Blood and Soul magic, a small anomaly had made it so that her tears were now blood. He had never been much for external displays of emotion, so he had never cried a lot anyway, but after then he had learned to repress his rare tears as not to creep people out.


    After all those years, he wasn''t even sure he still knew how to.


    Drake turned towards Lander, who was now silently standing beside him. Decades of being bonded by their souls had made words unnecessary between the two brothers. The grieving husband nevertheless decided to voice his thoughts out loud, as much to centre himself than because his wife deserved as much.


    "Please make preparation to burn Aliade¡¯s corpse as fast as possible. There shouldn''t be any problem, but as she said, we have been wrong before." He handed his son over to his brother, then continued: "Also, have the surviving vampires head to the battlefield as soon as they are done resting. We''ll want to free the trapped souls as soon as possible, from both sides, and be done with this place."


    "And you?"


    "I''ll be back in a couple hours," he said as he headed for the exit of the large tent.


    Before stepping out, he looked back one last time. He seemed to hesitate, then finally added:


    "...and prepare a carriage. As soon as we''re done, we leave for Erwin. Her grandparents emigrated from there if I remember. The mountains should have protected that place from the worst of the war. It would be better for raising a child."


    Another man might have reminded Drake Sangbleu of his duties as a general and Second in Command, especially now that both the Supreme Commander and every other central authority figure was either gone or dead.


    Even if every enemy had been dealt with, rebuilding the land would be as hard, if not more, than the fight that had preceded. There were also the people to deal with, many who had never known a world at peace. Not to mention the remaining immortal super-soldiers, sometimes entire new races, biologically and magically engineered for the sole purpose of killing as efficiently as possible.


    Instead, Lander just nodded.


    A few orders addressed to selected competent people would take care of that. If anyone deserved to be a little selfish right now, it was the broken man before him.


    Drake nodded back and left General Merle''s headquarter as a blur.


    Five minutes later, a distant explosion shook the ground and every survivor of the army looked around in fear.


    Still holding the sleeping Mordred, Lander Sangbleu silently looked towards the mountains that stood east of the encampment and towards the red cloud that raised from behind the tall summits.


    Through their bond, his brother¡¯s heart-wrenching roar of grief echoed across his soul.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    No comment.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    See you next chapter.

 V1.08 – Ghosts of the Past

    Chapter 8:


    Ghosts of the Past


    ¡°Oh, yes, the past can hurt.


    But from the way I see it,


    you can either run from it...


    or learn from it.¡±


    ¨C Rafiki, Lion King


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    ¡°...fter his wife died, Drake came to Erwyn with his brother and son, where he decided to work for the King.¡±


    Victoria¡¯s head jerked up.


    She had been drowsing off for less than a second, yet her dream had felt much longer and all too real. In fact, instead of a dream, the vision had been more like a cinematic she had had no control over. Carried along on the First Progenitor¡¯s rough emotional ride, she had been like a bird caught in a thunderstorm. She wasn¡¯t used to such raw and powerful sensitivity, she who had made a habit of compartmentalizing her feelings and throwing away what she considered bothersome.


    She wiped away the red tears pearling at the corners of her eyes with the front of her dress, and the white enchanted cloth rapidly absorbed the blood they were made of.


    Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she was still shaken when she muttered:


    ¡°¡­Why?¡±


    ¡°Why why?¡± the old man chuckled mischievously.


    Victoria shot him an unamused glare filled with killing intent. Clearly she was not in the mood to indulge in contestable wordplays.


    ¡°He was so devoted to his Princess. How could I- he bow to another ruler? And royalty brings nothing but trouble, especially to those with power. Didn¡¯t he decide to raise my- his son in peace?¡±


    Damn! Fucking game, stop screwing with my mind!


    ¡°Kekeke... Even I can only guess, young one. I am not the one with access to the First''s memories anymore. You are.¡±


    Tell me about it¡­


    ¡°Victoria is. I''m just the one you chose to clean up your mess.¡±


    The old man shrugged unapologetically.


    ¡°I did what I had to. And to venture an answer, young one, it might be that the First was afraid that some old enemy of his would come after the young Mordred and he thought the royal palace was safer than some remote hidden lair? That is only one possible reason amongst many. Also keep in mind that, although this secluded country might have been hit less hard than others by the tremors of the Twilight War, the right-hand man of the Fallen Dove still was a renowned figure. Hiding forever would have proven difficult.¡±


    The arguments made sense, but Victoria was too pissed to acknowledge it verbally. Rather than agreeing, she felt more like punching the ghost until she felt better.


    Is this how Thena feels all the time? This sucks so much.


    After a worried glance at the prone Shieldbearer, then towards the silent village downhill, she nevertheless decided to move on. Right now, she couldn''t care less about the motivations of some long dead NPC. Not when her little sister''s safety was at stakes.


    A passing telepath, feeling like being an ass, might have pointed out that said little sister too was no more than an NPC, but Victoria had never been a great fan of rational thinking. Especially when the world¡¯s logic contradicted hers.


    ¡°Then, what happened?¡±


    ¡°At the time, the throne of Erwyn was owned by a young man named Kreiszig Erwyn. The young King accepted Drake and offered him protection for his family, but at the condition of teaching magic to himself and his two closest aids, the Grand Vizier and the Knight Captain of the Royal Guard.¡±


    ¡°Can''t imagine how that brilliant plan went,¡± Victoria snickered, filled to the brim with sardonic cynicism.


    ¡°Mind you, things did not go so bad.¡±


    ¡°...¡± ¨C Bullshito Glaru no Jutsu.


    ¡°...at first.¡±


    ¡°Hmpf.¡±


    ¡°The three were about the same age. The King was inventive and curious, the Knight Captain honourable and loyal, and the Grand Vizier kind and wise. After assessing their characters, Drake accepted to pass down part of his knowledge. It appeared Kreiszig Erwyn had a talent for necromancy. The knight, the first Ambrose Corbin, instead was suited for soul magic, leading to the foundation of House Corb-¡±


    ¡°Wait, aren''t necromancy and soul magic basically the same?¡±


    Despite the abrupt interruption, Ambrose rubbed his chin appreciatively, like a teacher proud of his student¡¯s wits.


    ¡°Yes... and no. You see, young one, most Soul Mages would tell you necromancy is but a perversion of their art, while Necromancers would instead claim Soul Mages are spineless cowards who refuse to use the whole extent of their power.¡±


    ¡°And neither is right?¡± the Bloodsoul Mage guessed.


    ¡°Nor totally wrong,¡± the other confirmed. ¡°At its origin, necromancy might have derived from soul magic, but over time it became a separated entity, although the similarities are enough for the division not to be obvious to the layperson.¡±


    Victoria was listening attentively, interested despite herself.


    ¡°If you want an easy to understand metaphor, I could say soul magic is a knife while necromancy is a hammer. Most would praise the knife, for it requires more subtlety, but the hammer, though it lacks the finesse of its counterpart, sometimes is necessary and the strength needed to wield it is nothing to scoff at either.¡±


    ¡°So necromancy is stronger but soul magic is more versatile.¡±


    ¡°As usual you understand fast. Although that is but the shallowest distinction. For example, a Soul Mage will only be able to practise their art on souls existing in this mortal plane. The Necromancer however can call back souls from the Ether. On the other hand, a Necromancer will need to bind the souls to physical vessels, something the Soul Mage does not need to do and which is why the formers are often called ¡®Puppeteers¡¯. Of course, similarities also exist. Kekeke. Whether you call it [Necroblast] or [Soulblast], a big ball of killer spiritual energy in your face remains a big ball of killer spiritual energy in your face. Kekeke.¡±


    ¡°So they work with the same material but use it in different ways. Like an armoursmith and a swordsmith both use metal, but do not create the same item?¡±


    ¡°Your analogy is a little too simplistic, young one, and yet more accurate than you might think,¡± said the old mage, being very... old-mage-ly cryptic.


    ¡°Okay. I think I get it.¡± Victoria wanted to go back on topic but another detail had caught her attention, and fighting her profound curious nature wasn''t something she was proficient with. ¡°There something that has been bothering me. The King''s last name was Erwyn, which kind of make sense, but how come it is Sangbleu now? Did Drake take the throne at some point?¡±


    ¡°Actually, it is Vangarn now. Karl Sangbleu, Victoria''s father, was the last male of his line and, after his... hem¡­ demise...¡±


    Says the man who beheaded him... or the ghost of the man... whatever...


    ¡°... it was her mother the Queen''s older brother¡¯s third son who took over, because the eldest was a man of questionable mores who did his twin sister and the second was a human dwarf¡­ but I digress. So no, Drake did nothing of the sort. Kreizig had a daughter, Celest, two years younger than Mordred. Usually, in such situation, it is the man who would marry into the royal family and change his household, but despite their relative ranks, Drake''s name was far more prestigious than the King''s, so it happened that way. And, maybe that had been the plan all along. According to the records, Celest and Mordred did love each other, but I doubt some manipulations did not took place in matching the two children. The legacy of both the Bloodsoul Mage and the Master of Death was a tad too appealing for even the most benevolent monarch after all."


    Ambrose''s wrinkled face became sullen for an instant. Arranged marriage was sort of a sore spot. And Victoria also felt an uncomfortable twitch from Seras, who had fallen silent once more after her earlier burst of hatred.


    "Okay. So what went wrong?"


    ¡°Like I was saying, the King was a genius Necromancer, the Knight Captain a gifted yet hardworking Soul Mage, and the Grand Vizier was good at both but great at neither.¡±


    ¡°Wait, wouldn''t that make him actually more dangerous than the other two?¡±


    The old spirit nodded with an appreciative smile, yet happiness was absent from his eyes.


    ¡°Yes. Although he was fairly competent at best, the ability to call back souls from the Other Side and rule over them in this world is a fearsome power.¡±


    ¡°But wouldn''t a pair composed of a Necro and a S-Mage working together obtain the same result?¡±


    Ambrose shook his head.


    ¡°Transferring ownership over souls isn''t such an easy matter. Releasing them back to the Ether is something else, as it only requires to sever their chains, but theoretically a Soul Mage cannot use the souls called back by a Necromancer. Now... the Bloodsoul Mage is quite outside the norm, but I would not recommend trying such dangerous experiment until you get a better grasp of your powers.¡±


    ¡°Got it. No necro-petjacking.¡±


    Yeah, right. First zombie I see, I go Gepetto on his dead ass. We''ll see who''s the Puppeteer around here.


    "...As long as you stay prudent." Ambrose might be old and dead, but neither blind nor delusional.


    "So, I suppose the Vizier was the one who fucked things up."


    "Indeed. But he was no more Grand Vizier at the time. Several centuries had passed in peace, and the charges had been transferred to a younger generation. As for the Awesome Three¡­¡±


    That name¡­


    ¡°¡­ they had been reduced by one. Contrary to the other two, Ambrose Corbin the First had decided to live a mortal life and his successor inherited his powers and responsibilities. The other two were greedier though, and chose to turn their bodies immortal to pursue their researches and goals. Their motivations might have been pure, however turning oneself into a lich has its consequences. They were skilled, but not to the Master of Death¡¯s level, so their lives were lost in the process. And when one is not able anymore to feel things as simple as thirst, hunger, tiredness or pain, as well as a multitude of feelings that have both impacts on the body as well as the mind¡­ their humanity dulls.¡±


    ¡°Yeepeee¡­ more undead sociopaths¡­¡±


    *cough* ¡°¡­well¡­ the former King retired in a lair of sorts to continue his experiments. He also retained his intellectual sense of duty. So he never caused too much troubles and even helped the kingdom in times of crisis. The former Grand Vizier¡­ His goal had always been to protect mankind as a whole¡­¡±


    ¡°No, no,¡± Victoria interrupted. ¡°Let me guess that one. *cough* I¡¯d say¡­ In his fabulous wisdom, he concluded that the decadent mankind was essentially flawed or something, and decided to eradicate the worthless and rebuilt the human race based on his own standards?¡±


    ¡°How did you know?¡±


    Of course!


    The player furiously resisted the urge to facepalm.


    ¡°Please call He-Man and the Avengers. I¡¯m not in the mood to deal with a fusion of Skeletor and Ultron.¡±


    ¡°Call who?¡±


    ¡°Ancient heroes¡­ Forget it. Instead, you never told me the name of that Prime Sinister.¡±


    ¡°Oh. He was called Jafar. Jafar Judrasputin.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Young one?¡±


    ¡°GET THE FUCKING CLUE!!!¡±


    Ah no¡­ right¡­ NPCs¡­ Can¡¯t get pop-culture reference. But those designers, really.


    ¡°Are you alright, young one?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. Yes. I just underestimated my opponents. Also, you never told me either exactly what happened during the Twilight War.¡±


    ¡°I do not know. In the first place, Erwyn was at the outskirts of the conflict, so the records are few. And Drake Sangbleu never shared much about his past. You will have to search those answers by yourself.¡±


    ¡°How convenient¡­¡±


    ¡°You said something?¡±


    ¡°No. Please proceed with General Zod¡¯s clich¨¦ master plan.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°Just¡­ Just keep talking,¡± Victoria sighed, rubbing the bride of her nose.


    ¡°¡­Alright. As you guessed, Jafar¡­¡±


    Oh God¡­ that name sooo sucks the seriousness out of the situation.


    ¡°¡­concluded humanity was mad and bound to chaos. He therefore founded the Cult of Sanity to ¡®purge the world¡¯ in the ¡®Great Salvation¡¯ as the records state.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    The Pissed Entity: Bunch of delusional asses.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    *sigh* ¡°Of course you would have something to say ¡®bout this¡­ What¡¯s wrong? I¡¯d have thought that you would like an army of doom ravaging the world. Seems pretty¡­ chaotic to me?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Well¡­ yeah¡­ but no. I mean, the process is fun. But they themselves were as boring as watching a mountain grow and¡­ well¡­ if everyone is dead, I¡¯ll be the one troubled. You know, a god without followers is as good as dead.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ interesting.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaoooops: Ah. I shouldn¡¯t have said that¡­ Well, I don¡¯t care myself, but many of the others believe that mortals should fear us as absolute entities, or they would desert us or something. And I don¡¯t really want those guys to all band against me¡­ I already have enough problem dealing with that klutz pestering me about where I hid her cru- Ah.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Very Mighty God: *cough* *cough* Anyway, be a good Mine follower, and destroys that annoying Sanity bunch.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Only if I feel like it.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Smiley: That¡¯s the spirit!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Hem¡­ Young one? Who is it you might be talking to?¡±


    Victoria started. She had become so used to being alone in her tower with the Stalker God for sole company, that she had reflexively answered, neither minding the time nor the place. The Elder was now gazing at her with a quizzical look on his face.


    The dhampir hesitated a couple seconds, then decided she didn¡¯t care and answered with a vague encompassing gesture:


    ¡°The Stalking Entity that governs all Madness in this fucked-up world¡­¡±


    Ambrose eyes widened and his mouth hang slightly agap. Victoria found the sight funny and wondered if she could manage to send a blood knife in his throat, and whether of not it would have an effect on the disembodied grandpa.


    Might be worth testing¡­


    ¡°You talk directly to the gods?¡± His voice was filled with stunned disbelief.


    ¡°One,¡± the Chosen of Chaos shrugged. ¡°And it¡¯s more like he talks to me. You know what they say. ¡®If you talk to G- Him, you¡¯re religious. If He talks to you, you¡¯re psychotic.¡¯ Though with this particular Idiot, I think you¡¯re somehow crazy in both cases¡­¡±


    Victoria¡¯s gaze became distant and dead, then she snapped out of it and shrugged.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s how it is. Don¡¯t let it bother you.¡±


    ¡°Mmmh¡­ Yes. After all, it makes sense you above all others would be an Apostle of Chaos. The simple fact you are able to remain yourself while under my beloved¡¯s curse¡­ and to do so without any training moreover¡­ It can only mean that your mind is not working normally. As expected, I was right in choosing you.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I will try to take that as a compliment. Now, you were talking about Jaf-¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Siri


    To: Victoria Sangbleu


    So, that wobbly pirate captain guy, did he beat the octopus man in the end? Or was it the useless love-stricken one and his noble girlfriend who kicked asses?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Aaaargh¡­ Please wait two seconds.¡±


    She quickly sent back the long answer she had pre-written in prevision of the question.


    The suspicious Not-GM continuously asked Victoria for stories and various things, but her ¨C the player assumed Siri was a ¡°her¡± based on the tone of her written speech ¨C mysterious ¡°job¡± kept interrupting them. The princess had rapidly taken the habit of preparing her answers in advance, as the conversation could resume at any time. Victoria still hadn¡¯t gotten around to asking Siri who ¨C or what ¨C she was exactly, but she already had her suspicions.


    ¡°And¡­ done. So, that Jafar?¡±


    Too much Disney. ¡­stupid¡­ Oh, come on. Not you too.


    ¡°¡­ You seem to be a much demanded person.¡±


    ¡°I have an extensive fan club.¡±


    ¡°I see¡­ *cough* Well, to make a long story short, Jafar tried to kill a whole lot of people, but Drake, the Corbin of the time and Kreizig stopped him.¡±


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    ¡°¡­Wait. Isn¡¯t that too short?¡±


    ¡°Unfortunately that victory was not complete and came with a price. Jafar was vanquished, but they did not succeed in killing him. He was sealed...¡±


    Why do they always stop at sealing troublesome things? Please think of us future uncommitted heroes.


    ¡°¡­and Drake died in the confrontation. He had already been nothing but the shadow of his former self, both from the sadness of losing his wife and because of a curse that had been eating away at his life ever since the final battle against Sean Haricot.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°The Ever-Dying King.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    Am I really supposed to take this seriously?


    Victoria made a last attempt at recollecting her thoughts and asking a constructive question.


    ¡°What about Mordred?¡±


    ¡°He was already long dead too. He had been but a simple human. A powerful mage and a great Necromancer, yes, but he never desired immortality. Also, oddly enough, it would seem the vampire inheritance from the Progenitor cannot awake as long as the preceding is still alive.¡±


    ¡°How convenient¡­¡±


    ¡°You said something?¡±


    ¡°No. Does that mean the King at the time of Jafar¡¯s rebellion was a simple human too?¡±


    ¡°Yes it does. And even the death of the Progenitor did not mean another would awake. As years passed and the blood from the First thinned in the royal family, emergence became rarer and rarer until it was forgotten¡­ Leading to a tragedy.¡±


    Victoira was graceful enough not to give her opinion about poor management of sensitive information¡­ or gutting your wife on a hunch.


    ¡°And what does this have to do with the current situation?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Yes¡­ About three centuries ago, the Cult of Sanity became active again. From the little information I managed to gather, Jafar broke away from the seal¡­¡±


    Why am I not surprised? Fuck you Aizen Jafar.


    ¡°¡­and tried to take his revenge on Kreizig.¡±


    ¡°That guy was still alive?¡±


    ¡°What matter of ¡®immortal¡¯ do you not understand?¡±


    ¡°Well, the successive Porgenitors were technically immortals too. That didn¡¯t prevent them from dying, no?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ True enough, young one. Mmmmh¡­ I would venture that actively protecting a kingdom and experimenting in a remote cave present different degrees of danger to oneself. Besides, remember that the blood of the vampires was thinned out in the royals. Only dhampir sometimes appeared in the Sangbleu family anymore.¡±


    ¡°I guess that makes sense.¡±


    ¡°It does indeed. Anyway¡­ Something happened during the clash between the two archliches, leading to¡­ this.¡± He made a wide annoyed gesture towards the ominous blanket of grey clouds. ¡°I do not know if it was failure or success of a sortilege that brought forth this abomination, but ever since, condensed dark magic has covered this land, raising back from the dead any soul who fell.¡±


    Victoria raised her head and looked up.


    ¡°So these are pure magic and not water?¡±


    ¡°Not pure, but close enough. That is also why vegetation can still grow. The Sun still shines upon Erwyn. We just cannot see Him, nor can He see us.¡±


    ¡°She.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Never mind,¡± she sighed. Then she titled her head, and asked: ¡°Then, how come I¡¯m not more¡­ shish-kebabed?¡±


    ¡°I beg your pardon?¡±


    ¡°Overcooked? Burned? Reduced to a pile of ashes that would only be a threat to someone with terminal asthma?¡±


    ¡°Oh. That is because the ambient dark necrotic mana counteracts the cleansing effects of the sunlight.¡±


    ¡°How convenient¡­¡±


    ¡°You said something?¡±


    ¡°No. That still doesn¡¯t explain what the fuck is going on,¡± she noted. ¡°How come a mage of your calibre is not more aware of what exactly happened between the¡­ Awesome Two? And wasn¡¯t your Corbin house supposed to be under a non-immortality policy? Excuse me if I misinterpreted, but you do not exactly look your two thousand years, Ambrose. And I still don¡¯t get how all this crap is related to why the village is suddenly empty. AND you better stop talking history and get to the point before I start wondering if strangling you wasn¡¯t a more productive activity than listening to your bullshit!!¡±


    Victoria had let herself be engrossed in the background explanations, but now her anger was coming back again, reinforced by irritation towards herself who could get side-tracked so easily.


    ¡°Kekeke. It has all to do, young one. Should I answer your questions in order then?¡±


    ¡°And please be concise.¡±


    That was the pot asking the kettle not to be black, but Victoria, being Victoria, didn¡¯t care.


    ¡°Kekeke. Then¡­ After my¡­ stupid mistake two millennia ago, my men came after me. I was a general you know? Anyway¡­ Together we tried to break the curse, but to no avail.¡±


    ¡°And nobody thought of getting a girl to kiss you?¡±


    ¡°That idea was mentioned. But that did not exactly break the curse, did it? My objective was not to be freed, but to free my beloved. What exactly would happen to her if we tried to circumvent the sortilege was too big of an unknown to be worth the risk. This is why I only sent men after you.¡±


    ¡°I see, you couldn¡¯t break the curse, so you thought maybe someone else could, but you didn¡¯t want to risk hurting your unstable spirit of a girlfriend and instead sent men to their death.¡±


    Ambrose snorted.


    ¡°Like you adventurers would be inconvenienced by something as trivial as death.¡±


    The dhampir player just glared.


    ¡°In any case¡­ After several years of failure, I decided to go out and search for a cure myself. Victoria¡¯s soul was entrusted to one of my men-¡±


    ¡°You mean you let one of your men get cursed in your stead.¡±


    The ghost waved off the remark and continued:


    ¡°¡­and I went away. I eventually found a passable solution, however the power necessary to enact it was beyond even me. That is why I came back here. To guard the entrance to Nowhere until someone with knowledge I had not came with a way I could not think of. Or someone with power greater than mine and that I could trust beyond doubt, but that was very much unlikely. Feeling my death near, I used a forbidden technique of my family to bind my soul to this world. In this I managed to stay, but I was now bonded to the land where I casted the spell and could not leave anymore.¡±


    ¡°Even with the limited movement restriction, that doesn¡¯t seem to warrant being called a ¡®forbidden technique¡¯,¡± the Bloodsoul Mage pointed out.


    ¡°That is because it severed my bond to the afterlife. I am forced to stay here until my energy depletes and my soul dissolves into nothingness. This is a fate worse than death, but it shall be my punishment.¡±


    ¡°And then?¡± she asked sharply.


    Victoria didn¡¯t even feel a shred of compassion for the trickster spirit before her.


    ¡°My men decided to stay with me. Thankfully, I found a way to use my own soul as an anchor. Their souls are bonded to mine, so they remained in this world, but they will still go to the Other Side once my time comes. Granting a soul a physical form takes a lot out of the mage, but I had a way to tape into the ley lines around here, so power wasn¡¯t an issue. Thus I founded the village of Kansas.¡±


    A sense of dread dawned on Victoria. She didn¡¯t like where this was going. She had suspicions, but those suspicions were slowly turning into certitudes and she was suddenly overcome with the need to puke.


    ¡°Unfortunately, three hundred years ago, the Great Demise occurred and the Guardian of the surrounding forest was corrupted too. The sacred river became tainted with necrotic magic and now any soul that falls in this place is swept down the river to feed the Guardian. It is troublesome as now I cannot risk to release my subordinates. And my power is slowly weakening. The sacred stone I once used to cast the spell was destroyed and-¡±


    ¡°WAIT!! Is that the stone YOU told me to destroy?!¡±


    ¡°Because that was what shackled my soul to this place! However it was also the source that allowed me to partially slow down my own decay. Still! When I learned that adventurers had finally come to this world, and that Sanity¡¯s influence was still so strong, I could not bear to delay anymore.¡±


    He clenched his fists and his golden eyes filled with fire.


    ¡°Wait here for a short eternity as a slowly dying candle, in hope that someone, someday, may, by chance, stumble upon this forgotten place, and miraculously in possession of the unlikely solution to my problem? Or live my last days as a blazing flame burning to accomplish my life goal, and maybe do some good in passing?! Kekekekeke! There was no decision to be made!! ¡­ Who would have known though, that the one who gave me the courage to finally act would be the one to bring me a piece of the solution? It seems bringing all those men here was a futile endeavour in the end. I had hope in you, young Elric, but I learned long ago that hope is a very traitorous friend.¡±


    The ancient soul¡¯s tone grew more and more enthusiast as he talked, but Victoria¡¯s heart only tightened painfully. She didn¡¯t want to ask. She didn¡¯t need to. It made far too much sense, but she refused to acknowledge what her often-twisted logic was telling her.


    ¡°¡­ and¡­ Dorothy?¡±


    Amrbose sobered up, and looked into the self-proclaimed older sister¡¯s fearful eyes.


    ¡°Three hundred years ago. A few days after I felt the surge of power that came with the Great Demise, I was patrolling to the outer limit of my self-imposed restraints, beyond the illusion barrier I had created. That time, I came upon a family of three who were assaulted by a horde of newly raised undead. I ran to their help but¡­¡±


    Victoria was already up.


    ¡°¡­by the time I reached them, there was none left to be saved. I only managed to rescue the soul of the daughter before the Guardian¡­¡±


    Victoria was long out of earshot.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    As Athena¡¯s consciousness came back to her, she witnessed the slowly disappearing figure of an old man shaking his head in sad resignation. Then she turned her head towards where a small itchy sensation indicated Victoria was. The dhampir princess was running towards the village. The Shieldbearer saw her stumble and fall, but she immediately got back up and continued to run as if her life was on the line.


    ¡°Go.¡±


    The word, barely a whisper, came from beside her, but no one was there.


    She hesitated for a second, then decided understanding could wait, and rushed after the girl she had come to think of as a friend.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Out of breath and painful from her several falls, Victoria reached the bottom of the hill and stepped into the silent village of Kansas.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Area Notification


    You entered the village of [Kansas]. As the current sole inhabitant of the village, ownership of [Kansas] has been transferred to you.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°FUCK THIS!!!¡±


    She blindly slashed across the window and continued her mad race towards the blue-tiled house that stood near the main square. As soon as she reached the glorified shack, another notification informed her the building belonged to her, but she dismissed it without a look.


    Not slowing down, she slammed into the heavy blue door. A loud crack resounded and she slid to the ground, clutching her shoulder and cursing out all her repertoire.


    A shadow fell on her. She raised her tearful eyes and, through the red haze, she recognised the overbearing figure of her Shieldbearer companion. In silence, the tall woman helped her back up and pushed the jammed door open effortlessly. Victoria¡¯s thanks were barely audible as she stumbled inside.


    The place was as she remembered it, with few furniture, a patched-up stove and three doors leading to two bedrooms and the closet that had been repurposed as Elric¡¯s during his stay. A thick layer of dust covered everything, and on the table sat a familiar stuffed animal clutching a note in its mechanised jaws.


    Shakily, Victoria reached out and snatched the note.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    I am sorry, Big Brother. You told me to always keep my promises, but I lied. I could not wait. And I could not take care of Toto the Second either. Sorry. Playing with Big Brother Elric was fun. And I am really happy you came back. Thank you.


    Goodbye.


    I love you, Big Brother.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Quest update:


    There¡¯s no place like home.


    You have upheld your promise to the little Dorothy and came back to her home in Kansas. The child is not there anymore, but her proof of gratitude remains behind.


    Consequences:


    Receive ownership of all of Dorothy¡¯s possessions.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ Haha¡­ Fuck this¡­¡± She crushed the note in her hands. ¡°Fuck¡­ What the hell¡­ Is this a JOKE?! THAT¡¯S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?! HUH?!! BECAUSE I¡¯M SO FUCKING LAUGHING RIGHT NOW!! HAHAHAHAHA¡­AAAAAAAAAAH!!¡±


    Screaming in rage, she grabbed the plush dog by the throat with the intent of throwing it at the wall. Then she interrupted her action, and slowly dropped the Toto back on the table, instead grabbing the nearest chair and slamming it against the ground.


    The piece of furniture bounced harmlessly of the rough floor, as if to mock her lack of strength, while an acute stab of pain pierced her shoulder.


    ¡°AAAAAH!! DAMN!! DAMN THIS BODY!! DAMN THIS OLD FART!!  DAMN THIS VILLAGE!! DAMN THIS CURSED FUCKING COUNTRY!! I DON¡¯T WANT A FREAKING LEVEL!! GIVE ME BACK MY SISTER!! FUCKING GAME!! YOU LIKE THAT TOYING WITH ME?!! HUH?!?! GIVE HER BACK!! GIVE ME¡­ Give me¡­ my sister¡­ my little¡­ Dorothy¡­ give¡­ waaahaaaahaa¡­¡±


    Acceptance finally reached her brain, and the veil of anger and denial shifted to uncontrollable sobbing and she slumped to the ground.


    Standing stunned on the doorstep, Athena felt oddly out of place. The reality of the situation escaped her as the foolish and light-hearted princess suddenly succumbed to a fit of mad anger, followed by broken cries. It was like looking at herself through a bizarre deforming glass and she had no idea how to react. Her elder sister would have known what to do. The strong young woman had always been a rock Athena could cling onto when she was at her lowest.


    The Shieldbearer would have liked to be the same rock for her friend, but instead she remained immobile, unable to move, afraid to hurt this fragile girl if her violent self dared to get any closer.


    ¡­Fuck! What unbreakable Shieldbearer?! What strong goddess? I can¡¯t even console a crying friend. What lame excuse for a human being am I?


    While Athena debated with her own self-loathing, Victoria¡¯s cries slowly receded and she quietly stood up.


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡±


    The dhampir princess turned in her direction. She was standing straight but the usual tension that inhabited her, like she was about to start skipping anytime, had apparently left home. Her eyes were tired, inexpressive, and actually a little scary on her face covered in blood.


    Victoria¡¯s gaze passed over her companion like she wasn¡¯t there, then stopped on the dusty dog sitting on the table. Still in silence, she grabbed the large toy and brought it in a hug.


    ¡°Vicky-¡±


    ¡°Thena.¡± The voice was low, factual. ¡°It¡¯s already late. I¡¯m sure you have somewhere else to be. I¡¯d like to be alone for a little while. It¡¯s okay. I can¡¯t stay sad for too long anyway. I¡¯ll be back in shape by the time you log in tomorrow, don¡¯t worry. Oh¡­ right. You can use that room. It¡¯s probably a bit dusty, but nobody else is going to use it anyway. And this house is mine anyway, right? Haha¡­ ha¡­¡±


    Without a look towards the worriedly confused Athena, Victoria vaguely gestured towards the chamber that used to be Martha¡¯s, then walked inside Dorothy¡¯s bedroom ¨C she couldn¡¯t refer to it as Dorothy¡¯s former bedroom ¨C and closed the door behind her.


    The tall copper-headed woman, left behind in the dusty cold room, took a step to follow her distraught friend¡­ then stopped.


    What could she do anyway? She was just a big dump blunt instrument that couldn¡¯t do much besides taking hits instead of others. She had no idea how to deal with this kind of situation. How could she, when she had never been able to even deal with her own issues?


    She¡¯ll be okay¡­ She said it herself, right? I can¡¯t help her anyway.


    Cursing herself for being so useless, Athena went to lay down on the bed in the room she had been given, glad to accept the exit door Victoria had offered her.


    Even now, she always takes care of me.


    Then she did the only thing she ever did when brute strength didn¡¯t suffice.


    She ran away.


    ¡°Log out.¡±


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    <hr />


    Yeah¡­ I¡¯m not in a good mood these days¡­ The weather is too hot¡­ Good series take too much time to get updated¡­ My head hurts¡­


    *sigh* See you next chapter.

 V1.SS – NO: The Return of the Prodigal Squirrel

    Nutrek¡¯s Odyssey:


    The Return of the Prodigal Squirrel


    Drak: Snake Mountain. It sounds so glamorous. Tell me about it.


    Skeletor: Well, it''s, it''s a dark and dismal.


    Trap Jaw: W-w-with slimey walls. Ugh!


    Whiplash: And strange, ugly creatures scurrying around.


    Skeletor: Just like any home, really.


    ¨C He-Man and the Masters of the Universe


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Announced by the roar of thunder and the flashes of lighting, preceded by opaque veils of icy rain, the dark cavalier approached, riding his vile steed towards the ancestral lair where, in olden macabre days, he once upon a death arose. Determined they were. Dreadful they were. Bringer of death and chaos they were. With names that made children cry in despair.


    ¡°Onwards, my proud Asparagus!¡±


    Horrible¡­ at least he wasn¡¯t named ¡°Spinach¡±.


    ¡°Huuuheee-tshuuu!!¡±


    ¡°Was that a sneeze that I heard?! A sneeeeeze?!!! Pitiable! Unbecoming! Disaponting! How can the chosen mount of the great MMMMMMEEEEEE succumb to the likes of the common co-o-ho-HOLDTSHHH!!¡±


    ¡°Huhuhuhuhu.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Soaked they were too¡­ As cursed water fell from the mana clouds, even the undead felt the chill of its warping corruption¡­ or something. Those two might just be weird.


    For months, Nutrek and Asparagus had travelled without rest ¨C undead cheat ¨C through the corpses-filled lands of Erwyn. The journey had been perilous. Very much so. Truly so. Day after day, new monsters had risen in their way, clearly hostile and obviously trying to attack them. The philanthropic little dark mage had had no choice but to put them down, which he did with immense sorrow, and the fact that those ruthless foes had previously refused to serve under him had held no relation whatsoever with their most regretful demise.


    In spite of those terrible encounters, the undead lich and his still sole subordinate ¨C who recently had felt much more inclined to obey his little master ¨C had steadily progressed towards their final destination.


    Steadily¡­ but slowly.


    Indeed an urge to¡­ eeeh¡­ sightsee¡­ yes¡­ an urge to sightsee had swelled in the ribcage of the tiny fearsome overlord.


    However now they were close to their goal. And were in a hurry to get there because nobody liked to be outside during a magic rainstorm of actual liquid doom, even undead monsters, and the promise of shelter was for the moment overrunning the dread Nutrek felt at the idea of once again facing his creator, centuries after running away with the latter¡¯s most precious artefact.


    Father wouldn¡¯t hold a grudge, would he? Yes, he tried to kill me¡­ but wouldn¡¯t he be happy to see his son back after so long? Of course he will. Father is a father after all¡­ Hahaha¡­ Ha¡­


    The little animal skeleton shook his skull to get rid of his dark thoughts, and shouted to cover the sound of thunder:


    ¡°Giddy up, ferocious equestrian comrade of mine! Soon we shall rest in dry abode! In a few minutes, the cave shall be in si-i-hiiii-TSH! ¡­ in sight.¡±


    ¡°Hyyuuun.¡±


    ¡°Of course I¡¯m sure! Who the hell do you think I am? I can recognise the landscape of my own childhood home! Those buttocks-shaped rocks right next to this pineapple mountain are unmistakably those I gazed upon during my glorious youth.¡±


    ¡°Hyhu Pft.¡±


    ¡°La-Last time was perfectly justifiable mistake, a slight misunderstanding, a forgivable slip of my memory. Nothing I should be blamed for.¡±


    ¡°Hyhu Pft, Hyhu Pft ¡­unp Hyhu Pft.¡±


    ¡°Tha-Tha-That wa-ha-hATSHA!! That was your fault. What matter of a steed do not know which direction is north? Truly, you should be grateful I even keep you under my rewarding employ!¡±


    ¡°Pffuhuhu.¡±


    ¡°Humpf. It¡¯s alright for ME not to know! For I am not the one galloping!¡±


    ¡°¡­Hu.¡±


    ¡°How dare you?!¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Five hours, three dead-ends, lots of sneezed-out ectoplasm, two cliff falls, six squashed eggs, one very pissed wyvern, one giant [Necroblast] and one overcooked wyvern later, the mighty duo was, again, lost.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­Hu.¡±


    ¡°Oh, shut up.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    It took two more days for Nutrek and Asparagus to find the right cave. By then the rain had calmed, but themselves had not. The [Mighty Immortal Squirrel Lich] was irritable from annoyance and anguish combined, and the green fire fidgeted angrily in his orbits. On his side, the black [Macabre Phantom Stallion] kept loudly sighing, each time releasing a puff of corrosive dark smoke.


    ¡°Now I am definitively, positively, absolutely sure this is the right place.¡±


    ¡°Hyuuunpff.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be insolent. There should be a ward inscribed in the wall over there.¡±


    Jumping down his mount, Nutrek did a double backflip and struck a landing pose. Then, not letting the consternated silence time to settle in, he dashed towards the wall he had mentioned. The cave was obscure, but his flaming orbits made excellent flashlights, casting two parallel greenish rays through the darkness. It looked particularly stupid <1>, but Nutrek didn¡¯t care. Actually he had no eyeballs, nor need for light to see, so he didn¡¯t even notice.


    What he noticed, however, was the ward¡­ or lack thereof.


    ¡°What? How in the name of Merle is that possible?!¡±


    ¡°Huhihiii?¡±


    ¡°No. I¡¯m sure. I know it should be there. In fact¡­¡± He looked at the wall again. ¡°It was there! It has just been broken! I was right! I did not commit any blunder. Hahahaha!! Witness the wisdom and magnificence of your Lord, horse! KNEEEEEEEL before my absolute self. I AM THE GREEEEEAAAAAT NUUU-¡±


    ¡°Pfffrthiiii?¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ Of course I know why it is broken¡­ It is¡­ It is¡­ eeeh¡­ Father obviously lost his keys and locked himself out. It is a common mistake.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­Hu.¡±


    ¡°I wonder what the incantation for the [Torture Spirit Cage] was again?¡±


    ¡°HIIIHIHIIIII!!¡±


    Throwing his front legs forwards and slamming his head in the ground, Asparagus prostrated himself in a very un-horse-like motion.


    ¡°Better. Now, my impertinent servant, could you please remind me of the word you just used to describe my unequalled majesty? I don¡¯t have ears, you see. Sometimes worthless things happen to escape my unwavering attention.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m waiting,¡± the tiny lich said, his bony foot tapping slowly on the stone floor.


    ¡°...Hu?¡±


    ¡°HOW DARE YOU?!?   I am the Death who with Life toyed. Bow before me, or be destroyed!  [Necroblast]!!¡±


    ¡°MUKIIIIIII!!¡±


    *BRAM*


    ¨C *** ¨C


    ¡°Hear my call, fallen of the horde. Raise once more and meet your Lord. [Undead Recall]¡±


    In a small tornado of oily smoke and scorched bones, the sulking undead steed reformed. Satisfied, Nutrek nodded once before turning around to walk deeper inside the dark cave, skipping lightly.


    ¡°Aaaah¡­ That was liberating. Truly cathartic. I should have done this sooner.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Idiot! This is what you get for insulting the great, the magnificent, the absolute Nutrek Aconrazieth the Fourth! I am the Necromancer who shall stand at the apex of Death!! None is greater than me¡­ except Father. Of course. I am sorry Father, please forgive m- Ah. I¡¯m thinking. He couldn¡¯t have heard me. Or could he? ¡­ Father is strong. Father is the best! Father banzaiiiiii!! ... But what happened to the ward? There shouldn¡¯t be anybody who could break Father¡¯s magic. And nobody knows about this place.


    Nutrek¡¯s Father¡¯s lair was located in the [Tiamat Mountain Range]. The entrance of the cave opened halfway-up the peak which was closest and slightly north-west to the [Capital City Shaun]. Aside from the wards inside of the cave itself, numerous types of barrier protected it. Some were lethal, other simply threw intruders off course and caused them to get lost in the mountains¡­ which ultimately lead to the same result, but that was a mere detail.


    None should have been able to find the secret retreat of the archlich.


    If the wards are out of service, does that mean the barriers are too? Then how was it possible for the great Me to get lost? Could it be that¡­ I have a bad sense of direction?! ¡­ Hahaha. Of course not. That is impossible. Implausible even! Out of the realm of reality. The defences must have been removed very recently. Yes. That is the only explanation. Beware trespasser! Nutrek Acornazieth the Fourth shall kick you out of this sanctuary without delay!


    Although his reasoning was flawed, the diminutive overlord was unexpectedly partially right. And as he stepped with half-baseless confidence into the living quarters set up in the deepest part of the cave, followed closely by a brooding Asparagus, Nutrek suddenly froze at the sight of an unknown back standing before him.


    The place they just entered was organised for the inside of a cavern, but still unwelcoming and uncomfortable to live in. Being immortal, sleepless, hungerless, and an archmage left one with little need for accommodations such as a bedroom, a bath, a toilet, a kitchen, a cellar or anything living creatures would need to survive. Therefore, Nutrek¡¯s Father had only set up the strict minimum necessary for his researches in his home.


    The unknown person had been rummaging through dusty parchments covered in spider webs, carefully as not to break the ancient and fragile documents. When he heard the sound of bare metatarsi and hooves on the stone floor, he turned around but only looked mildly surprised, as if the sudden appearance of a short squirrel skeleton cloaked in pure darkness followed by an undead smoky black horse was an everyday occurrence.


    Who?


    Nutrek first thought the human before him was female, because no man in Erwyn would have worn make-up, especially not such flashy purple lip-paint. But then the intruder talked and his voice, though thick feminine inflections, was unmistakably male.


    ¡°Ohohoho~ My, my, that was startling. What a surprise. I didn''t think anyone else would know about this abandoned cave. Who... Oh my. Could it be that you are the lich Nutrek Acornazieth...¡± He took a peek at the crackled parchments he was holding. ¡°...the Fourth?¡±


    The intruder was tall man looking to be in his mid-twenties, with very long, black-purple hair and purple eyes. He wore a strange tall hat of cloth without an edge. The rest of his clothes too looked foreign, consisting of a red-purple, one-piece folded garb ¨C a kimono in fact, but Nutrek wasn''t such an expert in Japanese traditional fashion ¨C and a white robe over it. He also had golden earrings and was carrying a matching dance fan. <2>


    At the mention of his name, the skeletal necromancer dangerously dimmed the flames in his orbits. Had he been made of flesh, he would have been narrowing his eyes in suspicious anger.


    ¡°Impudent,¡± he answered with prudent arrogance ¨C if that was thing. ¡°You are in my ho... my Father''s home, going through his research notes, and you dare, YOU DARE, ask who I am... though of course you would know who I am... Who doesn''t... *self-satisfied cough* But to ask it in such a disrespectful manner, and without first naming yourself?! How impudent. How disgraceful! How utterly impolite! Name yourself, human she-male!!¡±


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    ¡°...¡±


    ~ Intruder PoV ... about fifteen seconds ago ~


    ¡°...the Fourth?¡±


    The green flames in the eyes of the small bony figure before him condensed threateningly and its dark cloak fluttered despite the lack of wind.


    Then...


    ¡°Squeak. Squeeak squeeak squee-squeeeeeak sihiqueee...¡±


    Oh... dear.


    ¡°...squeeeeeeeeek!!¡±


    I have the vague feeling I just got insulted... but beyond that... Ohohoho~ My my, this is embarrassing. What do I do now?


    ¡°...¡±


    ~ Nutrek PoV ~


    The man pouted his lips, pondering on the situation without answering.


    Carefully taking care not to let the intruder out of his sight, Nutrek threw a rapid glance at the skull of a giant wild boar hanging from the wall. One of the tusks was in fact a secret lever that opened a trapdoor in the floor right before the shelves the thief was currently searching. If he could just reach the mechanism befo-


    ¡°Ohohoho~ My my, how silly of me!¡±


    The man suddenly opened his fan and began to ventilate himself as if to conceal a shamed face.


    ¡°I ask you to name yourself without introducing myself first. How rude. And in your own home, moreover. I have no words to describe my shame...¡±


    Then the fan was shut brutally.


    ¡°But we shall get to know each other from now on. Ohohoho~ I was incidentally in dire need of a new excellent pet. I haven¡¯t been able to find anything suitable ever since that brainless brute reduced my previous guards to ashes. What ¡®Knowledgeable¡¯, seriously? That guy is¡­ Oh. Ohohoho~ But I digress. You see, my little friend, I know how so many second-rated Necromancers are all about quantity, quantity, and always quantity! It is as if the more undead they raise, the greater they are. But I... I believe in quality. A few chosen servants raised... no pun intended... with care are far more valuable than an army of hundreds.¡±


    He nodded with self-acknowledgement and took another look at the documents he was holding.


    ¡°This is why I truly admire your creator. I would have loved to have a chat with the man... if he hadn''t be killed already.¡±


    ¡°What!?¡± Nutrek shouted.


    Killed?! Father?! How?! Who could...


    ¡°Oh? My my. It would seem you do understand me after all,¡± the other guessed, correctly interpreting the squirrel¡¯s outcry. ¡°Well, you shouldn''t grieve too much over that man. Although¡­ he probably made sure you wouldn''t be able to hate him. *sigh* How crude and sad. Truly, as much as I respect that person as a fellow practitioner, I must say that mad King was a failure as a human being! Oh... Ohohoho~ He wasn''t, was he? Not anymore at least. But even for a lich, using the flesh and blood of his own posterity for such amoral experiments...¡±


    His eyes fixed on the tensed Nutrek, filled with something akin to pity mixed with a feeling of superiority.


    ¡°Ohohoho~ You don''t even know who you are, do you... Nutrek?¡±


    That question gave the short overlord a pause. Who was he? Of course he knew! He was Nutrek Acornazieth the Fourth! Created from a simple squirrel by his Father, who was so great a Necromancer he even managed to raise animals back from the dead, a feat which was deemed impossible before. Who else could he be?


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°My my. You truly do not know. You poor thing... Come with me.¡± He extended an inviting hand. ¡°I shall explain it to you. And I will even accept your friend over there as my follower,¡± he added with a slight gesture towards Asparagus. ¡°He seems a little substandard for my needs, but I''m inclined to an exception if it means adding you, who is unique, to my precious collection.¡±


    The man briefly looked up as if contemplating the smartness of his own suggestion. Nutrek didn''t let go of the occasion, and jumped towards the hidden lever.


    ¡°I SHALL BOW TO NO ONE!!¡±


    Hehehe. Imbecile! I do not know what you are talking about, but if Father was killed I would have felt it. And if there are things about me in those documents, I will as easily be able to read them myself! Ah... No, I shall get Father back and have him explain it to me. Yes. Father wouldn''t lie to me... would he?


    While he thought so, his phalanxes fell upon the tusk of the dead wild boar and he pulled. He turned towards the intruder with a victorious hand-sign, then a click echoed in the underground room and the floor opened... under Nutrek''s own feet.


    Gravity soon began to take effect, and he exchanged a stupefied glance with the intruder.


    Then, he fell.


    ¡°Wrong leveeeeeeeeer!!¡± <3>


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Everything in this world was bound to one day come to an end. Falls did too. Usually it involved painful situations.


    *feeeeeeeew**bam**crack*


    ¡°¡­Damnation. Why do we even have that lever?!¡±


    Fortunately for himself, Nutrek had no nerves to feel pain, which also made him short-tempered¡­ because he was naturally unnerved ¨C *badam-psssht*.


    Less fortunately though, he had fallen against solid rock and thus had several fractured bones. Those would regenerate in no time, as Nutrek healed fast even by lich standards. But until then, his movement would be severely impaired.


    ¡°I can''t even move right now. How ridicule. Why do I have to go through all of this? And I didn''t even manage to obtain anything useful from the lair! Damn you Lightsword! It is all your fault! I hope you get cursed by the Rulers of the Underworld and suffer a thousand deaths until I catch you, only so I can refuse to put an end to your suffering! Hahahaha! AAAAAAAAH!!! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!...¡±


    In his rage, Nutrek violently twitched on the rock floor like some useless splashing fish who dreamed of becoming a killer water dragon.


    ¡°...hate him! I hate him sooo much! I hat-¡±


    *crack*


    That... wasn''t me...


    Puzzled, he looked around. He was in a cave. That much was clear. But from his position he couldn''t confirm said cave had an exit. By twisting his vertebras, he nevertheless managed to spot a web of cracks criss-crossing the floor with him as its centre.


    Uh oh... Now, let''s not move right no-


    ¡°...hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!¡±


    Oh fudge.


    *feeeeeeeew**BLAM*


    Falling in turn from the small opening in the far ceiling of the cave, Asparagus'' half-material body crashed into Nutrek, crushing what little of the squirrel lich had managed to recover. Under the violence of the shock, the stallion''s phantasmal flesh scattered all over the place in fumes, revealing his bony core.


    ¡°Ow... Even without pain, the simple idea of what just happened hurts my mind. Stupid equine vegetable. I hate you. I despise every smoky fibre of your half-witted moronic self.¡±


    And I hate myself for being a little glad you''re here. The fall must have affected me more than I thought. Father always warned me about presuming of my strength.


    ¡°What the hell are you doing down here anyway? Was your loyalty to my mighty person so deep the simple idea of being separated from Me was unbearable? It¡¯s not that I can¡¯t understand, but¡­¡±


    Even in a state close to a set of knucklebones, the lich couldn''t help being haughty. Actually, it probably was some sort of coping mechanism.


    ¡°Pffffhyyuuu.¡±


    ¡°...And I suppose I''m the lesser of the two?¡±


    ¡°Huuhu.¡±


    ¡°Remember me to blast you as soon as I can move my hand.¡±


    He looked to the side...


    ¡°Correction. As soon as I can get to my hand and reattached it back to my wrist.¡±


    ¡°Huuhu.¡±


    ¡°Good. Now we better not-¡±


    *crrrrACK*


    *sigh* ¡°...forget it.¡±


    The floor shattered and they once more fell though the darkness. Together this time.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> For anyone who has seen ¡°The Twelve Tasks of Asterix¡± (Les Douze Travaux D¡¯Asterix), just think of Iris, the Egyptian hypnotist.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> Okay, I ain¡¯t gonna hide it, that appearance is just Fujiwara no Sai, from Hikaru no Go</a>¡­ By the way, that anime is awesooooome!! I still don¡¯t know shit about go, but I still enjoyed it¡­ I can¡¯t fathom how Japanese people can put so much suspense in something you don¡¯t understand. 75 episodes¡­ SEVENTY-FIVE episodes of watching people playing Othello level God and not knowing what is happening but still being ¡°YEEEEEEAAH!!¡±</a> every time anybody puts down a stone¡­ WTF?!! *cough* Anyway¡­ Sai:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <3> Yes, like that:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <hr />


    [Wild FLOOR appeared!]


    [NUTREK used SPLASH]


    [FLOOR enemy cracks a little]


    [CEILING used MOTHERFUCKING HORSE!]


    [It¡¯s super effective!]


    ¡°¡­ Who the fuck asked you to butt in, Ceiling?!¡±


    What has the future in store for our favourite undead duo? Where will they fall? Just how deep is that hole? How can skeletons get a cold? Who is that mysterious¡­ man? That was a man, right? Is Nutrek going to escape his fate of becoming a pet? Who is Nutrek? ¡°You are my Father!¡± ¡°No, I KILLED your father!¡± ¡°What?! Wait¡­ there¡¯s something backwards here¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s just a joke.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°I¡¯m still gonna kill you though.¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡±


    Those questions, and more, <del>will</del> might get their answers in the next side-story.


    In the meantime¡­ see you next chapter.

 V1.09 – Noodly Feelings

    Chapter 9:


    Noodly Feelings


    ¡°Look at me,


    I may never pass for a perfect bride,


    Or a perfect daughter.


    Can it be,


    I''m not meant to play this part?¡±


    ¨C Mulan, Reflection


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Four. Seven. Four times. No. I''ll be alone Saturday. Three. Ah. There''s a special offer on that brand. Fifty percent off? Expired maybe? Well, including the dog food that would be a total of fifty-seven point eighty-three instead of sixty-three point twenty euros. Will do. Okay. Now... I just need to pay. Yes. Calm. No danger here. He isn¡¯t dangerous at all. You can do this.


    Over her rectangular glasses, Eva took a rapid peek at the cashier. Her breathing immediatly quickened and she swore under her breath for the twenty-third time since entering the grocery store. The man lazily turned towards her and she reflexively ducked behind a shelf full of instant noodles ¡°four for two¡±.


    She quickly straightened up and resolutely walked towards the checkout. The last thing she needed right now was for the man to suspect her of stealing and to decide to come over. That would involve talking to him, and she wanted to avoid that at all cost.


    ¡°3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582¡­¡±


    Her lips moved almost without a sound, but her thoughts were shouting.


    Why? Why? Why? WHY? I even asked Laura for a copy of the planning and specifically only come when it''s a girl''s shift. For fuck¡¯s sake, it''s six o¡¯clock. It should be Lucy''s shift right now! So why is there a GUY here?! And, of course, it HAD to be on the ONE day when the fridge is empty. I could go still somewhere else, but there¡¯s no other store too close and that would make me late. Usually Id¡¯ go to that option anyway¡­ but...


    A sad expressionless face came floating through her mind, along with a burst of confused anger and helplessness. She swore, again, and a female costumer shot her a surprised glance upon hearing the crude words that didn¡¯t match Eva¡¯s bookwormy appearance. Not minding the woman, Eva joined the short line in front of the unique checkout.


    Damn! It''s the last time I trust Hellen with resupplying the fucking fridge! I swear, how can she be so... so¡­ inconsistent!!


    Hellen, Eva¡¯s older sister, despite what her practised delinquent style might suggest, was in fact extremely competent with anything work-related and with general household affairs, but day-to-day matters were really a hit-or-miss thing. Eva had eventually taken most of it upon herself, but mishaps were bound to happen and the younger sibling would have liked to be able to rely on the older one in those occasions.


    The line sluggishly moved forwards and Eva kept herself distracted from the hurdle ahead by mentally cursing Hellen¡¯s selective sense of responsibility, while keeping her gaze firmly directed at her sturdy hiking boots.


    "Good evening. Do you have the Bonus Card Advantage Maxi Plus App of our shop?"


    The usual line came with this experienced shade of uncaring annoyance that only underpaid cashiers seemed able to pull off ¨C them, and the people at the post office. After a short breath to gather her courage, Eva looked up at the blond smudge in front of her.


    "..."


    Wordlessly, she handed over her plastic basket and her smartphone, with the aforementioned application already displayed on the screen. The smudge seemed obviously fine with the lack of communication, because he readily scanned a code with her phone and handed it back, before mechanically proceeding with the content of her basket.


    She nervously shoved the cell back in her pocket and glued her gaze onto the moving blurs that were a heteroclite assortment of ready-made meals, microwavable dishes, frozen pizzas, dog food, toilet paper, water, carbonated drinks, soap, toothpaste, tampons, and sweets.


    ¡°In a right angled triangle¡­ the square of the hypotenuse¡­ is equal to the sum¡­ of the squares of the other two sides,¡± she mumbled distractedly.


    The basic theorem didn¡¯t help much. Although she hadn¡¯t broken down yet, the short interaction had taken a lot out of her. Her fake glasses were useful, but even without seeing well, her photographic memory had enough male faces in store to inconveniently fill the blanks. Thankfully she had never had a clear look at the man handling her groceries, or the glasses would have been totally useless. Like with a certain male classmate of hers she vastly preferred not to think of right now.


    "That''d be sixty-three twenty¡­ please," the cashier stated, sounding expertly unconcerned.


    Eva didn''t point out the mistake. She rapidly paid and bolted out of the store.


    On the pavement outside, she paused, a hand clutching her pullover above her heart. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them again and began walking fast towards home. Her gaze remained fixed on the pavement, looking under her glasses as much not to notice strangers than to avoid really damaging her eyesight.


    That wasn''t so bad, was it? I wasn''t weird, was I? There''s plenty of people who pay fast without talking. And who run out of the store? Right¡­ Oh fuck! He must think I stole something, I''m sure. But again, there''s a seventy-six percent chance he would feel that he isn''t paid enough to catch shoplifters. And why does he need to scan every single item anyway? And why must the only store close-by be one of the few where they haven''t a self-scanning system yet? What decade do they live in? Seriously!? At least the music store let me just give the money and leave. I don''t know if the guy is dumbly trusting or if he knows the exact price of every CD in his store, but that sure is convenient, even if I¡¯d prefer quantum chips to CDs. But I guess that¡¯s still to recent.


    Thinking about music helped her calm down, but at the same time, the image of the nearby music store made her thoughts drift towards the particular male specimen she wasn¡¯t in the mood to think about. He wasn¡¯t a bad person. Just a problem. A problem she had more than mixed feelings about, somewhere in the range between guilty gratitude and angry annoyance¡­ which admittedly made up for quite a few shades of messed-up. And her feelings were enough of a mess right now without adding that guy.


    The beautiful and sad face that had haunted her all day resurfaced and her anger built up once more, screaming for release but irritatingly targetless.


    Fuck! Where''s that guy when I need him? Ah... no. Bad thinking. Or is it? Doctor Granville said that mentally repurposing the target of my fears might help to forget their actual causes... but I suppose that falls under the category "psycho-crap nobody cares about".


    Eva couldn¡¯t have known, but for a brief instant, her lips curled up into the absent smile she almost only wore when reading books, thinking about music, or talking to her family. That didn''t last however, as that train of thought naturally brought her mind back to the reason she had been moody the whole day. Or at least moodier enough that she didn''t succeed in hiding her annoyance to her friends.


    Not good. Not good. I need to get my shit together. I even almost snapped at Laura. It''s not her fault. She simply asked me if I was alright. I hate that question. But screaming back "I''m never ''alright'' you dumb cow!" wouldn''t have been right. Laura is a good friend. She even gave me the planning from her part-time job. Not to mention those two juicy watermelon she... Ah! No! No. No, dammit. She. Has. A. Boy. Friend! Damn, what''s up with me today?! Classmates and classmates'' friends are off-limit. And that slip-up last month was only because of the stressful situation. Fuck, that''s six months of therapy lost right there. I thought I had that shit more under control!


    In a corner of her mind, a beauty picking her teeth for Sgululurg meat laughed out loud and barked "Con Troll? The fuck is that?! Doesn¡¯t sound eatable anyway, you really shouldn¡¯t hang onto that." and Eva dreamy half-smile came floating back, before crashing down for again the same reason.


    Her mind continued to play emotional roller-coaster for the whole trip home. She was so flustered by the time she reached the door that she missed the unknown car pulled over in the alley to the garage.


    Taking out her keycard, she slammed it against the detector and the panel opened with a beep that annoyed her for no reason. She stepped inside and violently took off her glasses, swearing between her teeth when she twisted a temple, then she removed her shoes and put them in the automated laser-cleaner in the entrance.


    It was only when she took out a pair of slippers that she noticed two other pairs were missing. Normally only her, her sister and her Mom would come home without prior notice. And Mom was currently working oversea so it was unlikely for her to be there.


    Eva also noticed a third pair of shoes in the cleaner besides hers and her sister''s black leather boots.


    Man shoes.


    She was already becoming stiff, her heartbeat and breathing quickening, when a familiar voice came over from the living room at the end of the hallway.


    "...bottle of water on the table. I''d better leave before Eva comes back. Tell her I said ¡®Hi¡¯."


    A vague growl of acknowledgement came back from further inside the room, then the first speaker came into view. At the sound, Eva had reflexively turned her head and her eyes met with the man who had stopped awkwardly in the doorframe.


    "Ah¡­ You''re early."


    The man was tall, skinny, with black hair, a pale complexion and a marked face that spoke of past addiction. He was wearing plain yet slightly gothic clothes that struck that perfect zone between casual and Matrix, which oddly clashed with the purple bunny slippers on his feet.


    Eva instantaneously registered all those details, burning them into her mind, before the worried face of the man before her suddenly twisted, turning older, uglier, the traces of addiction melting from past to present. His hair were suddenly a chestnut brown dirty mess, accompanied by a bushy beard slit by a jagged mouth missing half of its teeth. And he suddenly looked much, much closer.


    The basket of groceries banged on the ground but she didn¡¯t notice as the smell of blood and gunpowder filled her nose, and she slumped to the ground. Everything was dark and the unmoving figures of her parents laid on the floor, a pool of red spreading around their prone bodies. Through the slits in the closet door, she heard the man breathing loudly and cursing, mumbling loud nonsense, something about conspiracy, carrots and bounty hunters.


    The doors of her hiding place abruptly slammed open.


    "Oh... looks like another spy wants to stop me? YOU LOOOOSE!!" he spat in her face.


    A hand clasped around her throat. She tried to struggle, but her child strength was nothing for the giant choking her. She was raised from the floor and brought up close to the man¡¯s face. His blood-shot eyes were swimming all over the place and his breath smelled like alcohol, puke and rotten meat. He himself reeked of sweat and gutter.


    "Hahahar! Fuck. They really come in all sizes. But I won''t be caught. No. I just need a little more money. Haha! But you saw me... And I saw you too! Too bad BITCH!! Did you think I wouldn''t do it because you disguised yourself as a child? Well, yopti-fucking-doo!! I''m not that dumb!!!"


    Hot metal hit her cheek. The gun had been fired recently. The man smiled with spasms, his head repeatedly jerking to the side and his eyes twitching.


    "Any last word? Your accomplices¡¯ names per~haps?"


    "HEY, Psycho! How about, Humpty, Dumpty and Fuck You?!"


    The voice wasn''t Eva''s and had come from behind the man. The metallic touch left her cheek as her mad monstrous attacker perplexedly turned around.


    With a disgusting noise of crushed bones, a metal bat slammed into the monster''s face, sending his few remaining teeth flying. He collapsed on the ground and Eva followed.


    Steps got closer to her fallen form and a hand touched her shoulder. The touch was gentle but she only hiccupped and curled up further into a ball. The hand retracted as if burned.


    "¡­I''m sorry Eva. I thought you''d be home later. Your sister was drunk and I brought her back. Don''t worry, I''m leaving now."


    The steps got passed her. After a few fumbling sounds the door opened, then closed, and soon her exacerbate senses heard the sound of a car pulling off the driveway and accelerating away.


    Leaving someone alone in the middle of a panic attack wasn¡¯t exactly the brightest move, but Eva had never fainted or suffered anything physically dangerous after the first three years of therapy, so the unexpected visitor had preferred to remove his presence from the vicinity of the girl instead of trying to help her and probably aggravate the situation.


    Shivering, out of breath and her heartbeat in disarray, Eva remained on the parquet floor, unable to think or move, barely conscious of her surroundings.


    Why was he in the house?


    The house was her safe place. Her sanctuary. She could be herself, walk around without her glasses, without fear of running into a man at any unknown time. When that sanctuary was breached, it was always worse than usual. The visions came with the fear. It was unclear how much was memory and how much was her imagination, but it felt all too real.


    Eventually, she registered pushes to her sides and hot smelly breathing in her face. She meekly reached out and brought the two bulldogs and the large Rottweiler into a loose hug, and started to sob uncontrollably.


    The dogs sagely behaved, waiting for their owner to calm down. When she finally felt able to control herself, she let go of her pets and wiped the tears off her face.


    "Thanks."


    Among all the more or less successful advices Miss Granville had given her, getting pets had undoubtedly been one of the best. No judgement. No suspicions. No expectation. Well¡­ almost no expectation. With a sniff, she reached out in her basket and took out a handful of treats.


    "Alright¡­ You waling stomachs. *sniff* I got something for you. Line up!"


    Obediently, tails wagging, the three canine formed a line, white female bulldog first, then the spotty brown one, a male, and the Rottweiler at the back. One might be surprised that the largest of the trio went last, but she was younger by a couple years compared to the other two.


    "Here you go. Maneater! Nutshot! Lady Ballscrusher!"


    As she called these names overflowing with originality and love for malekind, the three emasculators merrily gulped the sweets she threw at them. For some reason, another face popped in her mind, drooling before the food the face¡¯s owner was forbidden to cook herself, and Eva¡¯s smile struggled to come back on her face.


    Ultimately, it failed, but the attempt had been laudable.


    With the dogs playing around her, Eva then progressively picked herself up, along with her fallen groceries, and, taking care to breathe slowly, she headed for the kitchen. She also took her smartphone out of her pocket and selected a number out of the short contact list.


    Had Nicolas witnessed this scene, his visceral hate for cell-phones would probably have abruptly dropped a significant level. Sadly for him, he didn''t.


    The other side picked up after the second ring.


    <Hi Eva¡­ I''m really sorry about earlier. Are you alright?>


    God, she hated that question.


    She resisted to the urge to shout back that no she obviously wasn''t fucking "alright"!


    Instead she answered with a non-committed half-truth.


    "I''m better now. Thank you Thomas."


    There was no need to make the man feel any guiltier. Thomas wasn¡¯t exactly a tactful person, but he was one of her sister''s closest friends, as well as one of the rare males Eva actually appreciated.


    Intellectually, she knew her fear of men was irrational and that she had no reason to dislike them as a species, but becoming a crying mess every time she saw one didn''t exactly foster instinctive friendship.


    <That''s good. I really tried to get out as soon as possible, but I couldn''t leave your sister alone in the state she wa->


    "I get it Thomas. Thank you for bringing her back. What was it this time? Did the group finish a new good song?"


    <Better than that. The producer gave us the green light for the themed album Hell was working on.>


    "Oh! That''s great. What the theme by the way? Sis never tells me anything."


    <That''s because she doesn''t want to brag in case her proposition gets rejected... which happens about eighty percent of the time.>


    "She does gets fired up easily."


    <That''s why she''s the boss. It''s always the ones that push the hardest who end up at the top. >


    "That''s what she said."


    Eva heard choking coughs on the other side of the phone.


    "So, the theme?"


    <Oh, right. It''s an album around the concept of chaos. The main song is called the ¡°Maiden of Cha->


    "Oh fuck!"


    <Uh? What?>


    "Ah... Nothing. Nothing. I need to go. Say hello to Gabriella for me. Tell her she should come by for supper one of these days."


    <Hands off succubus! This one''s mine, ring as proof, God as witness!>


    "You don''t need to quote your own songs. I wouldn''t make a move on your wife."


    <That was a joke, Eva>


    "Oh... I-I knew that!"


    <Tsundere Eva is so tsundere.>


    "Tsunwhat?"


    <...>


    "What?"


    <Seriously Eva, how do you manage to live with such an otaku and still don''t have your deres down?>


    "With said otaku being rarely home because of work?"


    <Ouch... Eva Logiku Burasto¡­>


    "Please don''t associate me with strange techniques."


    <She noticed! Hope is not lost!>


    "Fuck off, Cheshire."


    <Haha, good evening to you too, Little Tough Goddess.>


    Eva put an end to the call, and sighed. Her sister''s friends and co-workers were nice, but weird.


    But I suppose they have to be.


    It was public knowledge that musicians had to have a few lose screws to be successful. And, as far as Faust was concerned, it appeared to be true. That was from Eva''s point of view though. For anyone to whom ¡°otaku¡± was the norm, the group members seemed immediately less deviant.


    Besides, even Eva knew public knowledge wasn''t to be trusted blindly.


    If one listened to gossips, the four members of Faust were in a state of¡­ well¡­ love rectangle?


    The guitarist, Cheshire, and the drummer, Cerberus, were supposedly in love with the innocent singer and bassist, Angel, and the reason why they weren''t at each other''s throat was because of the fourth member, Hell. The tomboyish violinist was, again supposedly, also in love with Angel. Her advantageous position as childhood friend designated her as Last Boss, but Hell herself didn''t act of her feelings because she thought Angel was straight. She was satisfied to protect her from afar, never noticing her feelings were in face mutual.


    The shit people come up with, seriously, Eva thought while geometrically disposing the industrialized aroma-flavoured dishes filled with preservatives in the fridge. A couple of noodles cups went in the microwave. She anticipated tonight¡¯s meal to be particularly inedible.


    For an insider like Eva, those rumours could only sound stupid. First, forget arrows, Hellen and Gabriella were both straight as steel pipes, and had only met in high school for that matter. Then, Gabriella got married with Thomas when she was a student at the university. Lastly, Cebastian, alias Cerberus, was Gabriella''s cousin... and gay.


    Though I guess some would argue even gay men could get attracted to Sis.


    Of course, the band played with that image of theirs, but Eva still thought it was ridiculous.


    All to her considerations about stupid masses and media corruptions, she finished putting every single of her consumable acquisitions at its designated spot... short of the toilet paper.


    Indeed, as she had neared the poop shrine, unholy noises had informed Eva that her exalted older sister had crawled out of the depths of the sofa for an unsteady pilgrimage, and was currently engaged in the noble act of presenting offerings to the porcelain god. Wisely, Priestess Evangeline had deduced the deposit of the sacred scrolls could wait until the end of the engaged ceremony.


    A ringtone from her phone informed Eva that her meal was ready. All the devices in the house were linked to her cell somehow. When she had first connected it to the microwave though, she had half expected time travellers carrying bananas to appear in her kitchen, but reality had a knack for disappointing people.


    See, I know a few Japanese cartoons. I just prefer sci-fi over romcoms¡­ This ¡°dere¡±-stuff is about girl types in romance, right? Maybe I should pick up some Japanese lessons. Or just grab a book about it at the library.


    She unenthusiastically swooped the two cups, ordered the lights to turn off, and made her way to the living room with some quickly collected cutlery.


    As Eva entered the living room, her reproachful gaze fell on her twenty-six year old sister, laying ruined in the sofa. The ritual had apparently successfully concluded, and, besides the matter of the delayed rolls, Eva made a mental note to deal with the aftermath after eating. A delightful perspective.


    But it¡¯s not like I can ask Sis to take care of her own mess. Good thing she only get wasted when something good happen¡­ Good for you Sis. You¡¯ve earned it.


    If Faust¡¯s fan were to see their idol Hell right now, they would probably feel more than a little disillusioned.


    If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Her short spiky black hair with a touch of red, her faint dark make-up, black top and black leather pants were far less showy than what she wore on stage, but that still stuck close enough to her usual image. Her candy pink socks, however, really stung, especially with Magical Lulu-tan smiling on both.


    Moreover, the look of smug roguish confidence that had led the fans to refer to her as ¡°aniki¡± ¨C that and her natural breadboard ¨C was nowhere to be seen, replaced by this despondent, confused, headachy and lost expression specific to the aftermath of smashed drunkenness.


    "You look like crap," Eva said to instead of greeting as she handed Hellen one of the two fuming cups and fell on the sofa beside her.


    The older sister twisted up in sitting position and immediately regretted her fast movement. Massaging her temples, she accepted the offered meal and sent a tired glance towards the Bringer of Food.


    "Right back at ya, Li''l Sis. You look even more anger¡­ angir¡­ angier¡­ pissed than usual."


    Silence followed as a look of hatred mixed with disgust warped Hellen''s face, mirrored by the exact same on Eva''s.


    Both were staring at the noodles.


    "I met Thomas in the hallway," answered Eva.


    "Oh... sorry."


    Her sister didn''t bother to ask if she was alright, and the girl was grateful for that. Although weirdly enough, she wasn¡¯t as wrecked as she should have been. She was in a horrible mood, but that had nothing to do with what happened earlier.


    "No, it''s okay. I should at least try to stay calm around friends."


    "Well, Thomas¡­ Thomas is basically a cowardly alley cat, so you could probably get along with time."


    None of them really believed that could be done this easily, but it was nice to pretend.


    "What are you insinuating?"


    "That your sense of ¡®cute¡¯ is mesh¡­ messed up."


    "What does everyone have with my sense of cute these days?" Eva complained while scratching the ears of Lady Ballscrusher, who had laid her big head on her master¡¯s lap.


    Hellen¡¯s lips curled up in a drunken smile.


    "Ooh-oh~ Everyone?"


    "None ''f your dam¡¯ business, ol¡¯ drunk. Eat yer noodles."


    "You first, cowboy..."


    "Damn."


    Both of them addressed a quick prayer to a God they didn''t believe in, and gulped down the meal that no amount of artificial flavour would ever manage to give a taste to other than ¡°wet cardboard¡±.


    "Aaaaargh... At least that fights off the alcohol. Nothing that''s able to leave my body would willingly cohabit with that thing. D-Damn¡­ Was that thing expired or what?!"


    "..."


    "You know... we''re not exactly poor. You could buy slightly less crapp¡­ cheap meals."


    "I don''t want to burden Mom any more than necessary before the debts are repaid."


    "I''m sure Aunty can manage a little raise in the monthly noodle expenditure. I don¡¯t mind chipping in too, things are gooooood *hiccup* good right now.¡±


    Eva only glared in response.


    "Okay, okay. Your call Ma¡¯am. Cardboard noodles it is!" Hellen threw her arms up in surrender. "Or... you could get a girlfriend that can cook, and invite me to come over!"


    "I won''t be your leecher pass."


    "Ssspoilsport. I bet your little love slave would be totally okay with making extra food for the manly lesbian Hell from Faust."


    Anybody other than Hellen would have gotten punched for that comment. Instead, Eva hesitated between rolling her eyes and raising an eyebrow in indignation. She chose the latter.


    "Love slave?"


    "Come on, Eva. I know all the kinky stuff you get off on. That''s how I knew your last girl wouldn''t last. Too domineering."


    "Leave Jenny out of this. She simply had to go study abroad and didn''t want a long distance relationship."


    "Or she noticed she wasn''t gay after all and went off to chase after some Brits¡¯ dicks."


    "...or that," Eva mumbled grudgingly.


    "So, really, no cock- DAMN! I mean cook in sight?"


    "..."


    Eva frowned at the slip-up, then her eyes became distant, then she frowned again. Hellen in turn narrowed hers, though it looked less like she was focusing and more like her headache was coming back.


    "Hoho... Busted¡­ You know I''ll need to vet her. When do I get introduced? I won''t let some little bitch get her hands on my sweet little sister!!" Hellen barked, raising a fist in warning to a still unknown foe.


    "I''m not sure..." the aforementioned sweet girl hesitated.


    "Prudent in relationships? You? ¡­Damn, now I really want to meet her."


    "..."


    "Can she cook at least?"


    "...I think so."


    "She passes."


    "Hoy! What was that about bitches and your sweet little sister?"


    "Desperate¡­ *hiccup* measures," the young woman tried to solemnly declare as she theatrically gestured towards the empty noodle cup.


    Eva didn''t reply. The beautiful grieving face was once again floating in her mind and irritation followed suit, compounding on itself.


    "Ho, Eva."


    "What?"


    "Your cup."


    The girl lowered her eyes and noticed that, indeed, she had squashed the cardboard container.


    "..."


    "Eva¡­¡± Hellen murmured, clumsily dropping a hand on her sister¡¯s head. ¡°What happened? Be-Besides Thomas I mean. I don''t intend to minimise what you''ve got to deal with, but I think there''s more than just that here. Usually, a breakdown gets you all depressed and quiet, not angrier."


    "..."


    *sigh* "Do I have to guess? ¡­Is it that guy at school again?"


    "What?! No! What does Nicolas have to do with anything?!"


    "Well, I''d say you aren''t used to have a guy crush on you. A guy that knows your real temperament I mean."


    Eva stared at her sister like she had suddenly begun to speak Taiwanese.


    "Who''s crushing on who?"


    "That Nicolas-guy¡­¡± She pointed towards Eva¡¯s face, nearly puncturing her left eye. ¡°And¡­ on you."


    "That''s stupid!"


    "Really? ¡­ Really, Eva? I never pictured you as the dense kind. What reason would drive a man to put up with the daily abuse you inflicted the poor thing?"


    "I don''t say he doesn''t have an ulterior motive. I just don''t think you''re right."


    "Oh? And what makes you think that," Hellen asked as she drank the water she finally remembered Thomas had left for her.


    "First thing, he''s gay."


    "Pfffffrt!"


    The water did its job and fabulously ended up on Eva''s face.


    "FUCK HELLEN!! What was that for?! One of your best friend is gay, what''s so shocking?"


    "What so¡­? You... You do realise that if the poor guy really has a thing for you, that was about the cruellest thing you could say about him? No... wait...¡± Her expression became drunkenly thoughtful and she mumbled: ¡°He might actually enjoy the cruel play if he likes you."


    "I heard that..." Eva growled. "And it¡¯s not like I don''t have solid evidence."


    "Oh, please do tell Sherlock."


    "Who?"


    The violinist violently facepalmed.


    "...That¡¯s serious. You really sure you don''t want to do that film-series-anime marathon?"


    "Positive."


    "Okay then. But I reserve the right to overl¡­ orevolle¡­ ver¡­ rethink that decision. Now¡­ What''s your evidence that the guy who likes you likes men?"


    "I''m not sure I appreciate your formulation."


    "Whatever. Shoot."


    "Well, first, his only friend at school is one of the most popular guys."


    "Typical male friendship route, oh young galge padawan. Popular Guy is friend with everyone, even Anti-Social Kid. Duo dynamics sprout and they get closer. Or possibly childhood friend. Overruled¡­ Hey. I said it."


    "Okay. Second, he is very close with the school nurse, Stephany."


    "What about it?"


    "Stephany is Miss Granville¡¯s brother. Until two years ago, he went by ¡®Stephan¡¯."


    "Interesting, but... You said he, I mean, she is the school nurse, right?"


    "Yes."


    "Any remote idea why a guy that follows you around would frequent the infirmary on a regular basis?"


    "..."


    "Yeah¡­ Not conclusive. Next?"


    "But he calls her by a nickname."


    "Oh? Which?"


    "Shishou."


    "..."


    "What?"


    "I think that marathon is becoming increasingly necessary."


    "What? Why?!"


    Hellen karate-chopped the heathen¡¯s indignation away, before continuing:


    "I''ll concede that those two may have a relationship that goes beyond that of a nurse and vict... patient. But I still believe you''re mistaken on the nature of that relationship. For all you know, that Stephany might be an expert at catching violent neurotic girls."


    "A-Alright! Then, if he was really interested in girls, how come he never did anything with his overly sexy pinup of a neighbour and invites his cute athletic dark-skinned childhood friend home when another girl is staying over?! That totally shut downs opportunities! Hetero men are scheming beasts! They couldn''t resist to get their hands on such fine pieces at least once!"


    "I think that''s just you though. And how do you know he didn¡¯t get his han... How do you¡­ Mmmmh... Eva?"


    The younger girl didn''t notice her sister''s change of tone, her mind half-filled by her anger towards the allegedly ball-less Nicolas and half with the memories of Mary in her tight near-bursting clothes and Yasmin without said covering items.


    "Yes?"


    "How did you come to know about that guy''s neighbour and childhood friend? Specifically about their looks, which from that hungry glint in your eyes I suspect were witnessed first-handed?"


    Eva immediately realised her mistake. Her sister had always been a sharp drunk.


    "Ah... that..."


    "You see, imouto-kun, I only see three¡­ no¡­ two options here. Either you stalked him home, which I would find concerning, or¡­ you wilfully let him take you to his place. Now, although option two seems unlikely¡­ and bloodshed-inducing¡­ I can¡¯t think of any reason for option one to occur."


    "..."


    Hellen made a smile akin to a cat having successfully cornered an imprudent mouse¡­ after playing with catnip a little too much.


    "Which leaves us with a simple question: when?"


    "The day you had an unexpected obligation last month and I was left outside the house without a keycard."


    Resistance was futile. Eva surrendered.


    "Hohoho... And what happened?"


    "Nothing. He overheard me on the phone, approached me to suggest to crash in his guestroom, since he lived close. I freaked out, but he waited for me to calm down, then asked again and gave me a bunch of safeguards so that I''d be sure someone would know where I was. Then, because I had no change of clothes, he called his friend to bring some. Then he cooked something, brought it to the guestroom so that I could eat alone, and he went to sleep. In the morning, I woke up and left."


    "That''s all?"


    "I also returned his friend''s clothes after washing them."


    And I might have nearly assaulted his delicious childhood friend¡­ I¡¯m the worst. B-B-But that isn''t pertinent! I was under high mental pressure. And that skin and those abs were asking for it¡­ I¡­ I¡­ oh shit¡­ What am I making excuses for? I was an ass¡­ or she was¡­ EVA!! Get a grip! NOOOO!! Oh god! I¡¯m a terrible person.


    "Sooo... Baby Sis¡­¡±


    Eva snapped her attention back to the talking Hellen.


    ¡°Let me get this straight... This guy comes out of nowhere one day..."


    "Actually, I think I first met him at the record shop. He was buying your latest album and seemed so hyped about it I couldn''t help but find it weird. But I was wearing my glasses so I didn¡¯t notice it was the same guy until recently."


    Now that I think about it, he tried to mention something that day at the library.


    "So... I bet you acted all suspicious and creepy, and thus got his attention."


    "Heeey... *sigh* maybe."


    "Then he noticed you at school and tried to approach you."


    "Yeah, I suppose."


    "A long streak of abuses ensued."


    "..."


    "However, against all odds, he continues to come at you. Then, when he finds you in trouble, he helps you, provides food, shelter and clothes to the very same woman who bruised at least half his body? And he does that spontaneously, without asking anything in return, when you yourself said he wasn''t really a people''s person?"


    "Pre-Pretty much."


    "And you say he''s gay? And has no interest in you whatsoever?"


    "But that makes total sense!"


    "THAT MAKES NO FREACKING SENSE AT ALL!!¡± Hellen grabbed her sister by her shoulder and shook her. ¡°God! For all your issues Eva, I didn''t think I would see the day when your logic fails you so completely."


    "But... I like girls."


    "Good for you.¡± She released her. ¡°So does he! Maybe you can compare preferences."


    "But..."


    "What?"


    Eva''s eyes stared at her sister''s, trying to find a compelling argument that would support her reasoning. But she herself didn''t believe in it anymore. Plus, she suddenly recalled something about Yasmin being Daniel''s sister, and it sort of destroyed her first argument.


    In the end, Eva lowered her gaze, which fell upon the crushed empty noodle cup. A sad sight to behold.


    "But... what would a guy see in someone like me?"


    Hellen let out a deep sigh and collapsed back onto the backrest.


    "And here we are! At the core of the issue. You have no self-confidence Eva. You believe you can only get into a relationship by being forceful about it and starting it yourself, and the idea that someone might genuinely,  spontaneously, be attracted to you doesn''t even cross your sorry mind. Worse! You sabotage it before it can even happen by acting all meek and subdued."


    "But I can-"


    The other jumped up.


    "I know you freaking can''t be around men! But you act the same way with women too. And why? Because you''re afraid that they would think you''re an angry dominatrix slut if you ever dared to act like yourself for a freaking second!"


    The violinist was tired and still drunk, and her tone was beginning to grow louder.


    "Hellen! I-"


    "No! Shut up, Eva! I''ll apologize all you want tomorrow, but right now I''m too fucking drunk to put up with your bullshit, and I have no idea when I¡¯ll get an occasion to tell you this.¡± She took a deep breath and staggered slightly. ¡°You''re my sister Eva, and you are one of¡­ no, the smartest girl I ever met. But you cripple yourself so much by bathing into your own low self-esteem and fears that it''s almost painful to watch.


    You have an irrational fear of men since Mom and Dad got shot. Okay. I don''t, and will never, blame you for that. But, for the love of God, stop acting like it makes you less than everybody else! Because you have one crippling weakness doesn''t mean you don''t have any worth! Stop acting like you''d never been able to make friends if you were more honest with yourself. You''ve become so afraid of what would happen if people found out about your androphobia that it''s not men you¡¯re afraid of, but fucking everything!!¡±


    Eva¡¯s eyes widened as her sister¡¯s litany, which strangely echoed another she had been subjected to not so long ago. Although this one was less madly cheerful and much more filled with exhausted anguish.


    And Hellen wasn¡¯t finished:


    ¡°You¡­ You can only feel vaguely calm if you''re in total control of the situation. And when you aren''t, you become aggressive or run away, or both, because you¡¯re afraid of what could happen if you end up out of your own sphere of influence and you don''t trust yourself enough to handle anything unexpected. That''s true with your friends I never met, that true with any lover you''ve had and talked to me about!


    You''ve spent so much time searching for immediate physical comfort with partners you could figure out and so much time shying away from actual real feelings, because that shit is fucking unpredictable,  that you''ve become this... this... sex-craved violent deviant you''re so afraid your friends could see your as¡­


    And then the circle repeats and you get deeper into anger and...¡± Tears began to pearl at the corners of Hellen eyes. ¡°And I can''t continue looking at you hating yourself like that. I''m afraid you''ll sink so deep I won''t be able to go down to bring you back up.


    I-I-I only barely got to you in time ten years ago and I''m terrified that next time I¡­ I will be too late. So¡­ I''m not saying you should change. I''m not saying you should ''fix'' yourself. I''m just saying... stop to hate who you are, because¡­ because it will never get better that way. If you want to get better, start working with what you''ve got and move that fucking ass you''re so adamant to show off!!"


    Almost shouting with distraught anger, Hellen punctuated her speech by loudly slamming her fist on the coffee table. Her own noodle cup didn''t survive the surprise attack, but she barely noticed.


    Silence reigned for a couple seconds, then what she had just said suddenly dawned on the elder sister and her eyes widened in horror, tears finally rolling freely down her face.


    "OH NO!! I-I''m so sorry Eva. I went too far. I didn''t mean it like that. I just wanted to say¡­you¡­ you''re a great girl¡­ I mean it and¡­ and you shouldn''t-"


    Eva shut the rambling young woman with a finger on her mouth. The action surprised Hellen, but not as much as the calm tone in which her little sister then spoke:


    "It''s okay. I''m not angry. Well, not at you. Besides, you''re drunk, so I can''t really blame you."


    Hellen slowly nodded once.


    "But that doesn''t mean you don¡¯t think what you said. And it¡¯s okay,¡± she interrupted her sister who was about to protest. ¡°I get it. I''m broken and there''s no fixing it."


    A pair of eyes filled with nutty eagerness flashed through Eva¡¯s mind, but Hellen couldn¡¯t know the hidden meaning of those words. And she was horrified.


    "No! That''s not what I meant!! You''re not broken, you''re..."


    Eva shook her head.


    "It''s okay, I tell you. Someone told me approximately the same thing just yesterday. And she isn¡¯t the kind to pull her punches¡­ I think I''m starting to understand. I don''t need to care if I''m broken or dysfunctional. All I need to care about is how to twist it to my advantage."


    Hellen held her breath not to interrupt her little sister train of thoughts. She had no idea what Eva was getting at, but if that could drag her little sister out of the downwards spiral she had seen her sink in during the past few years, the desperate drunk woman was willing to grasp on any straw she could reach. And the light in Eva¡¯s eyes reminded Hellen of when she¡¯d seen the girl work on some engineering projects, which were about the only thing Eva remotely believed herself to be any good at.


    And with reasons.


    Ironically enough, if the wiring of their home was any indication, Eva was a genius when it came to fixing things¡­ beside herself of course.


    "¡­I have no idea how though," the girl eventually said after a long pause.


    Then she suddenly looked up at the clock. It was half past seven. Part of her was annoyed that she was late on her usual schedule, but another was surprised this whole conversation with her sister had taken so little time.


    She abruptly stood up and began heading for her bedroom.


    Hellen blinked in surprise at the sudden movement, then tried to follow with very moderate success.


    "EVA!? Where are you doing¡­ going?!"


    The little sister stopped by the door and looked back, her eyes resolute, and she managed a sheepish smile.


    "You¡¯re a great Sis, Hellen. You didn¡¯t say anything wrong. I promise I¡¯ll try to become the girl you and Mom deserve. I''ve no idea how to make things better, but I think I know someone who could maybe. And I¡­ I thinks she needs me right now."


    Her smiled faded away and her face became pensive. Pensive and angry. But angry was a default setting anyway.


    More to herself than to her sister, Eva murmured:


    "I don''t know if I can do any good, but I''m done running away."


    The line sounded a tad too clich¨¦ for her taste, but if she continued to stop to worry about every little detail, she would never achieve anything with herself. She left the living room and a confused, still drunkenly dazed sister to ask herself what had just happened.


    "Wha-"


    "Oh!" Eva''s head suddenly appeared in the frame. "I¡¯ll probably spend most of the week-end logged into UT. So don¡¯t worry. And take a good night sleep, you look like you need it. Also, please take the toilet paper that''s on the fridge and bring it to the toilet¡­ and clean the toilet. Thanks."


    And she was gone again. And Hellen was still fucking lost.


    "¡­Toilet paper. On the fidge?"


    Hellen shook her head to clear it, in vain, then laid back down on the sofa, and stared absently at the ceiling.


    "Toilet paper?"


    She rolled on her side. A few metres away from the couch, Maneater, Nutshot and Lady Ballscrusher returned her perplexed gaze.


    ¡°Toilet paper?¡±


    ¡°¡°¡°Woof.¡±¡±¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    The male bulldog¡¯s name was brought to you by¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Okay, the past few chapters have been a bit more serious, ¡®xcept Nutrek. This ends now. Next chapter shall have zombies, a flamethrower puppy and Leeroy Jenkins.


    See you next chapter.

 V1.10 – Madness Returns

    Chapter 10:


    Madness Returns


    ¡°Into the hole again, we hurried along our way,


    into a once-glorious garden now steeped in dark decay.¡±


    ¨C Alice, American McGee''s Alice


    ¨C ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø ¨C


    When Athena logged back inside Untold Tales, she immediately noticed a low inconstant growl in the background. If the game hadn¡¯t been essentially medieval, she would have sworn it was the sound of a congested highway, but as it was she felt the need to investigate.


    Then, a merry melodious voice covered the unknown rumble, singing with a bad imitation of a French accent. <1>


    ¡°Les poi~sons¡­ les poisons!


    ? How I love les poisons.


    How they choke when they''re served in a dish.¡±


    Intrigued, Athena rose from the bed she had been ¡°sleeping¡± on and made her way out of the room. Her body felt light both from the prolonged rest and the absence of the armour she had removed to avoid suffocating while laying down. Yet her mind was heavy from her new resolutions.


    ¡°Vicky, I-¡±


    She stepped into the main room, and froze.


    The scene before her made little sense. She was pretty confident that last time she bad been in this place, the room had been dusty but orderly. Now the situation had somehow reversed. Everything was essentially spotless, except for a few burn marks here and there, however complete chaos reigned everywhere.


    In a corner sat a pile of metal scraps, some molten beyond recognition, some still vaguely identifiable as the remains of cooking devices, mainly frying pans for some reason. Another corner was occupied by roughly pilled parchments covered in abstruse scribbles and geometric patterns. The plush hellhound laid in sleeping position atop the pile and the Soulbound felt a weird sensation as her eyes glanced over the immobile toy.


    Other incongruous items were scattered around, but the most eye-catching oddity was the heteroclite assortment overrunning the table, collection of bottles filled with bubbling and fuming multicolour liquids, bowls and mortars containing mysterious powders, and diverse ingredients which seemed to actively disagree with their presence in this place.


    ¡°First they melt down your nerves, ?


    Then they corrode your lungs!


    Ah mais oui, ? ?a c''est toujours d¨¦lice¡­¡±


    And, in the middle of this mayhem, a dancing lady in a stained dress covered by a once-white lab coat was happily juggling with a pair of vials, one filled with identifiable red fluid and the other regularly flashing a suspicious green light. Caressing the vials with hands covered in blood-red jewellery, the lady mixed their content together with an expectant look on her face.


    ¡°Les poisons, les poisons!


    Hee hee hee, ? haw haw haw¡­


    What a clever way to kill you. ?


    It destroys what''s inside,


    And then leave it all fried! ?


    ? Damn, I love these recipes, that''s true.¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Temporary Buff: +20 INT


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    What? How¡­ Is that a bard skill?


    Victoria didn¡¯t appear to notice the Shieldbearer¡¯s arrival, herself in trance and mostly facing away from the door of Martha¡¯s bedroom. The mixture she held began to bubble and whistle ominously and she quickly added a blue pebble to it, which immediately stopped the reaction.


    ¡°Here''s something for tempting the palate,


    Prepared in the classic technique. ?


    First you pound the scorpion with a mallet,


    ? Then you slash through the skin,


    And give the glands a slice,


    Then you rub some salt in


    ''Cause that makes it taste nice~ ?¡±


    After preciously clasping her hands together and bending a leg up backwards with a broad smile, the mad princess stuck her forefinger inside the bluish arachnid she had just smashed. A suction sound later, she pensively licked her appendage covered in thick purple mucus and shivered with an appreciative nod.


    Victoria¡¯s gaze then fell onto something in the back of an opened cupboard.


    ¡°Zut alors, I have missed one!¡±


    She waltzed across the room and reached out inside the piece of furniture, taking out a little glowing item.


    ¡°Sacre bleu, ? what is this?


    How on earth could I miss¡­


    Such a sweet little suspicious flask? ?


    Quel Domage, what a loss!


    Here we go, in the sauce¡­ ?


    Now some cyanide I think will do the task.


    ? Now I stuff it in bread.


    It won''t hurt, ? you''ll be dead!


    And you''re certainly lucky you are¡­


    ''Cause your brain''s gonna rot,


    In your big skully pot! ?¡±


    She amorously grabbed one of the largest bottles, sniffed the fumes coming out of it and staggered, a hand on her head, as she smiled drunkenly. Then she performed a jumpy axel turn, finally facing the still stunned Athena.


    C''est pour vous, ? bon poison


    Au revoir... ?


    ¡°Oh¡­¡±


    The singing princess stayed stunned for approximately half a quarter of a centisecond before a bright mischievous smile bloomed on her face. She dropped the bottle off on the table and readjusted the discreet ruby tiara on her head, before rushing to the tall woman and giving her a quick hug.


    ¡°Thena! It''s good you''re late, I was too! Are you hungry?¡±


    Thankful for a question it could actually apprehend, Athena¡¯s brain clicked back on track. Her first reaction was to reply she¡¯d just eaten, but then a quick look at her satiety bar reminded her that her last in-game meal had been the turtle soup of four days ago.


    ¡°Actually, yes.¡±


    ¡°Great! I made cr¨ºpes.¡±


    A dubious amber glance flew over the fuming vials that covered the table. Victoria followed her companion¡¯s line of sight and chuckled.


    ¡°No no. I left them in the bedroom. Let me go fetch them.¡±


    A couple twirls later, she was back with a pile of flat pancakes piled up on a huge frying pan. Whistling, she then produced a pair of plates out of her inventory and sat on the ground. She divided the pile between the two plates and gestured for the Shielbearer to join her.


    ¡°Vicky...¡± Athena hesitated.


    The dhampir girl was weird and cheerful by nature, but somehow her jolly mood felt forced today. Her smile also wasn¡¯t right, thought it took a few seconds for Athena to pinpoint what was wrong exactly.


    Then it hit her. It was the same smile she had seen countless times on her own face, when she trained in front of the mirror, trying to pretend everything was fine, when it really was not.


    ¡°Vicky, I-¡± she tried again.


    "Oh! Of course!" Victoria exclaimed as she jumped up.


    She waltzed up to the table and picked up a small glass bottle filled with a thick amber fluid. No marks distinguished it from the dozen of similar containers scattered all around, yet the mad chemist satisfyingly nodded.


    ¡°This one is quite mild. Perfect to train [Immunity]. I finally managed to get that skill back. No real effects beside a small burning sensation on the tong and in the stomach.  And the best part? It tastes like maple syrup!¡± she said as she turned back again. ¡°Excellent on cr¨º-¡±


    She was cut off mid-sentence when Athena caught her in a bear hug.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 5 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    The act had been impulsive, and the tall woman had no idea what to do next. Saying something might have been a good follow-up, but she was all too familiar with the platitudes people usually spouted to believe such things could bring any actual comfort. And she couldn¡¯t think of anything else to say, so she just stayed awkwardly silent.


    Strange as it may be, Victoria too was silent. There was surprise at first, then her bright grin flattered a little, her lips quivered before settling back in a more natural and peaceful half-smile. She closed her eyes and let herself rest against Athena¡¯s chest.


    People were so used to see her act all weird and merry than nobody usually noticed when she felt down. Ironically, it was when she was the most serene that she would often be asked if it was alright. She didn¡¯t know what gave her away to the tall woman, but she thought it felt nice to be hugged like that¡­ even if it hurt¡­ or maybe because it hurt?


    After a while, Victoria finally broke the silence:


    ¡°Thank you. But I¡¯m fine.¡±


    Athena shot her a doubtful downcast glance.


    ¡°Really, I¡¯m fine,¡± she repeated. ¡°Or better at least. I meant it when I said I couldn¡¯t stay sad for long. It¡¯s just... I just need time to set back in my usual pace. She was already dead anyway, so that was just a matter of time I guess. As soon as my positive thinking is back on track, I¡¯ll just remember the fun times we had together. So really, I¡¯m fine. And she was just a NPC in the end, I probably shouldn¡¯t be too emotional."


    Tightening her grip on the pale girl¡¯s shoulders, Athena shook her head.


    ¡°I doesn¡¯t matter what she was. Losing someone hurts. That¡¯s all.¡±


    At least that was something Athena understood.


    ¡°Yeah... and people die when they are killed,¡± Victoria mumbled.


    ¡°That''s obvious.¡±


    ¡°Not for everybody apparently,¡± Victoria half-sighed half-chuckled, then added with a more sincere mischievous smile: ¡°Now, Shielder-chan, it''s not that I don''t like snuggling against your chest without you wearing an armour for once, but the cr¨ºpes will get cold.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± Athena soberly murmured before releasing the Princess.


    The latter couldn¡¯t resist teasing her awkward Soulbound:


    ¡°Mmmh~ It was hard to tell with all that metal on, but I thought you above all others would stick more to correct anatomy with your avatar. Are muscular woman supposed to be this big?¡±


    Victoria half-expected a punch, but all she got was a scold-ish pat on the head as said muscular woman shrugged, seemingly unconcerned.


    ¡°A woman can dream.¡±


    ¡°A very whimsical answer, coming from you.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want that kind of remark from someone with that kind of looks.¡±


    Ow¡­ Touch¨¦. Hard.


    ¡°Hahaha,¡± Victoria laughed awkwardly. ¡°So¡­ maple syrup?¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The duo ate the poisoned cr¨ºpes in relative silent. Victoria was still cheerful, but she had dropped the Miss Sunshine act. And Athena was her usual serious self.


    ¡°Delicious,¡± Athena honestly praised.


    For someone whose daily diet was take-outs and microwavable food, homemade patisseries, even seasoned with experimental poison, tasted like heaven with extra bliss. Plus the weird fluid actually tasted like maple syrup, albeit a little spicy.


    ¡°My, your welcome,¡± the other followed. ¡°Speaking of delicious... I was wondering?¡± - Puppy Dog Eyes no Jutsu.


    ¡°... Isn''t it a bit too soon?¡±


    ¡°Apparently it depletes faster if I use my magic a lot. And there are other circumstances...¡± she trailed off.


    ¡°Such as?¡±


    ¡°Well, I tend to be random when I need to take my mind off things. So first I made some poisons. Apparently Martha was in charge of interrogations and assassinations back when she was in the army. Can¡¯t say I''m surprised, but she kept a fuckton of dangerous stuff in here¡­ Even though she had the ability to turn even normal food into deadly poisons. I¡¯m impressed by her dedication. Anyway¡­ after I got bored with poisons, I tried to use my Runic magic for a while.¡±


    She picked up the frying pan and showed it to Athena. Now that she paid attention to it, various patterns were engraved into the metal.


    ¡°What are those for?¡±


    The cooking tool danced in Victoria''s hands as she explained.


    "Well, at first I tried a simple fire glyph, since a frying pan that can fry without fire seemed like a good idea. But I didn¡¯t factor in the power of the glyph so the first prototype kind of... melted.¡±


    ¡°First prototype?¡±


    ¡°Yeah...¡±


    With a grimace, the dhampir pointed towards the heap of distorted metal scraps.


    ¡°Then I added a control glyph, but the metal couldn¡¯t handle me engraving two symbols with my current reduced skills. So it broke. Then I had the idea of adding a strengthening rune beforehand, and it worked! It took a couple¡­ okay, a couple of couple tries, but it worked. But by then I had gone through most of the pans in the house, so I was left with this one I could barely lift. So I also added a minor lightweight glyph. It doesn''t compare to the gravity reduction I used in the past, but it''s the best I can do right now. Plus, it reduced the weight, not the mass, so mass times acceleration times fire-in-your-face equals awesome weapon too!¡±


    ¡°...a frying pan?¡±


    ¡°Who knew, right?! Strengthened one-handed blunt weapon with extra magic fire damages.¡±


    If one accepted the fact that the item in question was a freaking cooking device, such features were actually high specs, as far as weapon went. Athena¡¯s sentiment right now oscillated between awe and consternation.


    ¡°I called it... Fred,¡± Victoria nodded proudly.


    ¡°...why?¡±


    ¡°Dunno. Maybe because it sounded like ¡®fried¡¯? Anyway, after that-¡±


    ¡°What?! There¡¯s more?¡±


    ¡°Of course. And this one is pretty cool¡­ although¡­¡±


    The mad princess made a complicated expression, then brought two fingers to her mouth and whistled loudly.


    Athena was about to ask what this was about, when she heard soft footsteps behind her. Before she could turn around though, a black and white form sprinted past her thigh and jumped on Victoria. The latter smiled and opened her arms, but the blur lightly changed its trajectory. It collided with her left forearm and revealed itself at the stuffed puppy, growling and biting angrily in Victoria¡¯s sleeve.


    She didn¡¯t seemed to mind much and only chuckled. In the end, Toto was a toy meant for kids, so his teeth weren¡¯t really sharp, and stuffing wasn¡¯t famous for its muscle power.


    ¡°Aaaaw~ That¡¯s adorable,¡± the dhampir commented.


    The diminutive fluffy hellhound narrowed his eyes with hatred, still hanging from above her wrist.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Athena wasn¡¯t sure what to ask about first, so she waited for Victoria to talk. She had noticed the Princess liked the sound of her own voice, both figuratively and literally.


    ¡°Rii~iight. You are fiii~ierce. Good boy. See Thena, isn¡¯t he cute?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± she couldn¡¯t deny it. ¡°How¡­ What is he? He wasn¡¯t alive yesterday, was he?¡±


    ¡°No, he wasn¡¯t. I found some ingredients for soul magic in another house, so I tried a few things. Plus I had this old grimoire, and there was this spell to create a soul golem¡­ It¡¯s kind of like a normal golem, but with a mind of its own¡­ although what with that trend of just adding ¡®soul¡¯ before everything? What am I? Batman? Or Soulman? Do I have to get a soulmobile? A soulcave? But I digress¡­ Anyway. Normally, the mage would create a stronger body, but I can¡¯t do that now and I didn¡¯t want a big pile of dirt following me around¡­ So I used Toto! Wasn¡¯t sure it would work, but it did! And then I used the [Bloodsoul Contract] to bind him.¡±


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t seem that obedient though¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± Victoria pouted. ¡°Seems the level gap really is a thing. But I had no other soul ready to be used. And, hey, I managed to level up my [Taming] skill.¡±


    Athena pondered a couple seconds, before wandering to ask:


    ¡°¡­You had the soul of a dog?¡±


    ¡°Uh, Dog? Ah¡­ No.¡±


    The dhampir grabbed the plush by its neck, gently ripping him off her arm, and raised him to face Athena.


    ¡°See?¡±


    ¡°See wha-¡±


    ¡°ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAR!!!¡±


    Toto, visibly annoyed to be handled like this, opened its stuffed jaws and let out a thundering roar which shook the house. Outside, the low rumble stopped briefly before resuming.


    Athena glanced warily at the window, before returning her gaze towards the smiling Bloodsoul Mage. The not-puppy was cutely struggling for freedom in the Princess¡¯ weak grasp, but his gaze would have killed a troll with a single look¡­ which in Athena¡¯s opinion made him even cuter.


    The Shieldbearer considered the situation for a second, then her eyes widened and she stated in disbelief:


    ¡°¡­You didn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ I sure did,¡± the reply was accompanied by a scary laughing grin. ¡°It was a bit difficult to fit the gem inside, but do not underestimate my intermediate [Doll Making] and [Sewing] skills!¡±


    ¡°And can he?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ That¡¯s part of the problem in fact.¡±


    With a scolding pout, Victoria turned Toto around to face her, and immediately a torrent of blinding blue flames escaped the puppy¡¯s mouth and washed over her head. Before Athena could intervene though, the fire stopped, revealing an uninjured Princess and a sulking plushy.


    ¡°Spirit flames. I¡¯m like¡­ totally immune, but it drains my thirst at an insane pace.¡±


    ¡°¡­I see.¡±


    Athena could feel her headache come back.


    ¡°Well¡­ It¡¯s actually a good thing I made that doll with materials from the Demon Realm. Highly fire resistant¡­ unlike my clothes. *sigh* Take out your shield by the way.¡±


    Rapidly catching on, Athena equipped her Gorgon Shield, and just in time, as a bundle of charred white cloth was already flying towards her. The projectile was immediately swallowed by the snake-haired skull ornament with a satisfied gulp, and she confirmed the satiety of the cursed item had slightly restored.


    ¡°Vicky. I appreciate the sacrifice, but could you stop feeding it with your underwear? I have the vague feeling it will develop bad habits.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not responsible for his education, Thena. Jelly is your son, not mine. I¡¯m the doting aunty who gives treats.¡±


    ¡°Who is whose son!?¡±


    ¡°Anyway¡­ About that snack?¡± she asked as she put Toto back on the ground.


    The puppy immediately went back to sleeping on the parchments. He seemed to like resting on runic diagrams, even incomplete and inactive ones.


    ¡°Aaaah¡­ Alright.¡±


    Athena sighed loudly and put her shield back in her inventory before denuding her forearm. After all she had promised herself to be more useful, both to her family and to Victoria. If a blood bag was what the Progenitor needed, she could endure the discomfort.


    To her surprise though, Victoria gave her a knife and a bowl.


    ¡°You said it felt¡­ weird. So maybe I don¡¯t need to feed directly on you? If my previous experiments with my own blood are correct, the magical capital do not deplete that fast, so it wouldn¡¯t work if we wait too long, but freshly bled blood could work. Now, if you prefer me to¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± Athena blushed, to which Victoria flashed a roguish smirk. ¡°No, I¡¯ll take the bowl. Thank you.¡±


    ¨C *** ¨C


    As it turned out, the indirect feeding worked. Victoria was a little sad that she had been right, but cheered up by promising herself to inadvertently lose that damn bowl.


    After that honourable resolution, she started to stand up.


    ¡°We should probably leave. Since yesterday, there has bee-¡±


    *BAM*


    A loud shock echoed through the village, and the background growl abruptly raised in volume.


    ¡°The fuck was that?!¡± Athena shouted.


    ¡°What the fuck was that~ ? ¡­ Indeed.¡±


    Cryptic, Victoria finished to get up and dusted the cloth covering her butt. Then she waltzed up to the table and, in a single swoop, all the random vials disappeared into her inventory. They were soon joined by Fred the Frying Pan, a couple cr¨ºpe-less plates and a very uncooperative Toto the Second.


    ¡°He can still be stored?¡± Athena asked for confirmation.


    ¡°Seems like it.¡± She shrugged. ¡°Apparently, he is classified as a sentient item.¡±


    A sentient stuffed doggy with a dragon soul and a frying pan that comes close to a lesser holy sword. And God knows what was in those flasks¡­ Actually, that¡¯s the scary part. I¡¯m sure that god knows¡­ It¡¯s the last time I leave her logged in alone for so long.


    With a thoughtful nod, Athena added yet another resolution to her recently expanding list. Meanwhile, Victoria had disappeared in the room that used to be Martha¡¯s.


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°Vicky?¡± she called.


    ¡°I¡¯m coming! Two seconds.¡± The voice came from beyond the doorframe. ¡°I just need to change clothes. White dresses are cool and all for light treks through the woods, but we¡¯ve got Resident Evil twenty-four waiting outside. Can¡¯t go around wearing no armour at all. Well¡­ I can¡¯t really wear all that much when it comes to armour anyway, but I noticed that leather set in the wardrobe a couple hours ago when I came in to check on you and¡­ ah! There it is. Haha. I can sooo see Martha wearing this. Ah¡­ I hope it¡¯s my size¡­ No. It fits¡­ weird. I¡¯d have thought I would have needed a few adjustments. Well, she was more fit than muscular. And I guess her aura of Grimm Reaper made her look taller¡­ Why would ghosts keep changes of clothes anyway? I can¡¯t really ge- ¡­ Thena?¡±


    Victoria had come out of the bedroom, mumbling to herself, but then stopped when she saw Athena¡¯s opened mouth and blank stare.


    ¡°Thena¡­ you¡¯re drooling.¡±


    ¡°Me? Wha¡­ No!¡±


    The Shieldbearer wasn¡¯t actually drooling, but the Princess thought it was both funny and cute to see her flusteredly wipe her mouth. Smirking with all her fangs, she twirled on herself.


    ¡°So, like it?¡±


    Entirely made of dark red leather with appropriately disposed laces and straps, the set Victoria was wearing covered her body completely from the middle of her neck to her feet, leaving only her hands unprotected. It wasn¡¯t intrinsically indecent¡­ but still stuck too much to the skin to leave anything to the imagination.


    Imagination had never been Athena¡¯s forte anyway, but she had far enough material not to need it right now.


    While the pure immaculate dress had given the dhampir a ghastly air by highlighting her pale skin and white hair, this garb instead made her eyes stood out, with their irises of blood circled with jagged sapphire and their pupil twitching slowly between round orbs and vertical slits. Her fangs too looked more noticeable when she smiled. In fact, all her attitude seemed to have switched to fit closer to the vampire than to the princess part of her character.


    The pale lady¡¯s gaze fell upon the still sitting Shieldbearer, and the latter fell a shivery excitement rush through her body. She attempted, and failed, to swallow discreetly, and Victoria¡¯s grin turned even more ferocious.


    ¡°That¡­ eeeh¡­ That changes the image, I guess,¡± Athena answered safely.


    ¡°Mmmh¡­ I still feel there¡¯s something missing though¡­¡±


    Victoria adopted her usual thinking pose, her right elbow resting in her left hand as she caressed her chin between her thumb and forefinger. Then she tapped her fist in her open palm and waltzed up to sit down on the nearest chair.


    ¡°Thena, can you make my hair into a braid, pretty please?¡±


    At that moment, something died inside of her, but she barely noticed. The feeling had become too recurrent to be pertinent anymore.


    Athena¡¯s sense of aesthetic was a bit messed up, but even she admitted that the silky white hairs floating freely belonged more to the maidenly princess than the vampire huntress. She still couldn¡¯t picture Victoria as the latter though. All the other girl had done until now was running around and play with young goblins, not once suggesting she had a dangerous or predatory side to her beside her hungry smiles.


    When they first met, Victoria had claimed she used to be a Deep Explorer, before the curse trapped her and left her with a body unable to run two kilometres without panting. And, if the Shieldbearer had come to accept the survival knowledge of the Princess, she still wasn¡¯t fully convinced Victoria could actually fight.


    ¡°I¡¯m not exactly good at¡­ hair-stuff.¡±


    In real life, Eva kept her hairs a little above shoulder-length with long bangs, and had never really changed her style in the past five years. And she felt somewhat reluctant to slip her fingers in this long smooth mane, not trusting herself to stop with Victoria¡¯s hairs.


    ¡°No prob. Just do your best. It¡¯ll get messed up soon enough.¡±


    Athena choked.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Fifteen minutes later, Victoria was looking at herself in a hand-mirror.


    ¡°Not bad. Not bad at all.¡±


    To be honest, Athena¡¯s handy-work was passable at best. Like she had said, she wasn¡¯t expert at it, and trying to focus on anything but what she was doing hadn¡¯t help much. In fact, now she had trouble not to focus on the background growl that had been growing louder and louder since she logged in.


    ¡°Okey dokey!¡±


    With a clap, Victoria enthusiastically twirled around and Athena ducked under the red hair-ring that enclosed the end of the dhampir¡¯s braid. Earlier, seeing the tiara melt through the hairs and reform as the new hairpiece had been both fascinating and creepy.


    The mirror also disappeared inside Victoria¡¯s inventory.


    Incidentally, this was the [Mirror of Truth], a high-tier artefact which only reflected the true appearance of things, seeing through even the strongest illusion spells, but it worked just as well to check on makeovers.


    Priorities.


    Satisfied, Victoria walked out of the house. The door had been left open since they entered four days ago. Athena followed with a resigned shrug. As soon as they stepped out, the growl became twice as loud. Instead of a distant highway, it sounded now like hundreds of inarticulate voices, and Athena suddenly recalled a movie her sister had forced her to watch.


    The Shieldbearer looked around, but saw nothing beside deserted houses and unkempt gardens. She shot an inquisitive glance towards Victoria but the dhampir had turned back and was looking at the blue-tiled house with sad eyes and a small derisive smile. Athena frowned and awkwardly came to stand next to her friend.


    Without averting her sight, Victoria let herself tilt to the side and rested her head against the shoulder of the tall woman.


    Then a thought crossed Athena¡¯s mind. Something she had forgotten to ask.


    ¡°Vicky¡­ Can I call you a friend?¡±


    Victoria jerked away from her and gave Athena a stupefied stare.


    Ah¡­ Of course, I¡¯m no good. I shouldn¡¯t have ask-


    ¡°Pffffft! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!¡±


    The dhampir suddenly bent in two, hands on her stomach. For nearly two minutes, she was shaken by irrepressible laughter. She made several attempts to raise her head and say something, but each time she choked and went back to laughing uncontrollably.


    ¡°T-Thena¡­ hahaha¡­ That was so¡­ hahahaha¡­ Ooooh~ That was soooo cute. Hahaha. You really know how to cheer me up, you know that?¡± she eventually said, her face red and her breath short, with the expression of someone looking at a clumsy kitten.


    Athena in turn felt her cheek getting hotter and she reflexively threw a blind punch.


    ¡°W-Who are you calling cute?! I was serious you know!¡±


    *bam*


    ¡°Ouch¡­ Hahaha¡­ *cough* Haha¡­ Tsundere Athena is so tsundere¡­ *cough* Argh¡­¡±


    She had struck something.


    What¡¯s with that tsundere thing, really?


    The Shieldbearer reopened her eyes and discovered a coughing dhampir laying on the ground. She was about to melt in apologies when the fallen girl suddenly bent her legs and jerkily threw her head up, raising from the dirt and landing crouching on her feet. She then stood up calmly and dusted herself with a smile.


    Victoria waltzed up to Athena as if nothing had happened, and closed her Soulbound¡¯s gaping mouth with a scolding finger on her chin.


    ¡°Dummy. Of course we¡¯re friend. I don¡¯t dabble in half measures. As far as I¡¯m concerned, the world is divided between friends and family, and the others. I don¡¯t care about the others. Do I look like I don¡¯t care about you?¡±


    Still with the shorter girl¡¯s forefinger on her chin, Athena shook her head in silence.


    ¡°Good. Now stop pretending you¡¯re stupider than you are, and let¡¯s go kill something. I¡¯m in a mood to kill something. Several somethings in fact. BEWARE SOMETHINGS!!¡±


    Victoria smiled again, and Athena shivered. In the dhampir¡¯s eyes, the sparkles of madness were being swallowed by a dark void, the light in them becoming dimmer but at the same time more focused.


    *BAM* *BAM* *BAM*


    Another series of loud shocks echoed through the silent village. Without leaving the time for Athena to ask any question, Victoria twirled around, her weaponised braid nearly hitting the Shieldbearer again, and started to skip merrily in the direction of the noise.


    ¡°? What the fuck was that? ?¡± <3>


    Athena followed, armour on and shield up, keeping a watchful eyes on her surroundings and especially on the humming girl in front of her, and tentatively trusting Victoria to react in case something jumped out to eat her.


    She would react if something tried to eat her¡­ right?


    The growls were becoming clearer as they neared what the Shielbearer recognised as the village gates. Both the wooden panels and the tall fences next to them were shaking under the repeated assaults of something outside.


    Unconcerned, Victoria did a couple axel turns and continued to sing:


    ¡°? What daaaaaarkness lurks beyond this wooden sanctum? ? ? ?¡±


    Will she really be alright? Now she¡¯s changing her voice¡­ Is she trying to sing a duet? And who¡¯s Linda? ¡­ I feel stupid to be the only one on guard here¡­ No. I can¡¯t get swept in her pace. She trusts me to keep an eye out.


    In fact, Victoria did trust Athena unquestionably, but wasn¡¯t expecting anything specific from her. She felt like singing, so she sung. The Shieldbearer was free to play the ukulele for all she cared. She already knew where and what the enemy was, so she had no reason to be on her guard, instead she was so exited to finally test her new powers in a fighting situation that she had completely forgot to fill Athena in on said situation.


    ¡°? What the fuck was that? ? Now I put an end to this vacation. ? What the fuck was that? ?¡±


    Without slowing down, she shifted her skipping towards a ladder leading to an observation platform. The platform was just large enough for two persons to stand on so, after a short hesitation, Athena put her shield on her back and climbed the ladder in her turn.


    As she reached the top, Athena was greeted by Victoria¡¯s broad smile¡­ the kind of smile you showed a child right before telling him today was the day for their visit to the dentist.


    ¡°? What the fuck was that? ?¡± she sang teasingly.


    Then she turned around with an emphatic gesture towards the other side of the fence.


    ¡°? It¡¯s the evil dead! ?? ? ?¡±


    And she concluded with a little solo of air-guitar.


    Athena didn¡¯t pay attention to her friend¡¯s antics, too occupied she was to take in the sight before her.


    The clearing was literally swarming with undead. [Lesser Zombies] mostly, but also drooling [Ghouls], unfriendly [Dullahans] and others¡­ even what appeared to be an eviscerated wild boar. However she only briefly glimpsed at the last one and ruled it out as a mistake on her part, because it was a known fact that common animals couldn¡¯t be raised as undead.


    She still hadn¡¯t totally incorporated the concept that ¡°known fact¡± didn¡¯t mean much in a radius of ten kilometres around the Reckless Imbecile.


    ¡°Where did those come from?¡±


    ¡°Oh? A bit everywhere I suppose,¡± Victoria shrugged. ¡°The illusion barrier of mist collapsed with the rest and I think they can sense living beings, which I still count as I suppose¡­ So they have been gathering for the past four days. Good thing there are a few permanent enchants on that fence, but they won¡¯t last much longer, so we better leave before they break through. I would like to avoid filthy parasites in my village.¡±


    You won¡¯t step in my sister¡¯s home, you decaying bastards.


    Athena watched carefully as a dark grin spread on the dhampir¡¯s face. Before meeting Victoria, she had had no idea there existed so many different ways to smile, ranging from genuine joy to merciless promise of destructive violence and traumatizing gore.


    Feeling a shiver down her spine, the Shieldbearer returned her attention towards the encircling horde and began to evaluate the success chances of various escape plans.


    ¡°So, how do you propose we do th-¡±


    ¡°Fear the loud wrath of the sky, the white lights that burn and fry! [Lightning Strike]!!¡±


    From the mage¡¯s open palm, a flurry of electric arcs jumped out towards the bottom of the fence. There was an explosion, and every [Zombie] in a radius of three metres were annihilated. Immediately after, ten darts of frozen blood flew from Victoria¡¯s hands, where her red rings suddenly had disappeared. The short spikes stabbed themselves in the wood below the platform at regular intervals.


    ¡°Wai-¡±


    ¡°TATA YOYO!!¡± <4>


    Before Athena could finish her sentence, the Princess had jumped.


    She was weak and had no endurance, but her Agility now boasted fifty points, which was nothing to scoff at and even near impossible for a normal level twenty-eight mage. Thus, reaching the bottom of her improvised ladder did not pose any problem at all.


    As soon as her feet touched the ground, the Bloodsoul Mage sent her used rungs through the brains of ten incoming corpses and took care of another three with a single spell.


    ¡°Cut the flesh in a sole breath, the sharp wind that carries death. [Wind Blade]!¡±


    The basic [Zombies]¡¯ strength were in numbers, but individually they were ridiculously weak, even without the help of her previous Sun magic. And using those beginner spells actually felt kind of refreshing.


    She still couldn¡¯t jump through the battlefield with the ease she used to have as Elric, but weirdly enough, [Formal Dancing] helped her move around, even if it probably made her moves a bit predictable and wouldn¡¯t work against smart opponents.


    She ducked under a lousy grab and severed her assailant¡¯s arm with one of her drone-knifes, before taking a step back to avoid another strike. Another limb went flying. And repeat. She had figured out she could either control every knife individually, or set them on partial auto-pilot with an instruction like ¡°cut anything that comes too close¡±. Right now she had chosen the latter and was waltzing at the centre of a little storm of blades, magic and monster blood, a broad grin unconsciously plastered on her face.


    Despite her barrier of knifes, a [Ghoul] managed to creep a little too close for comfort. But with a ¡°kyaaaa~¡± for good measure, Victoria suddenly equipped her new teammate Fred and cooked the ugly face of her attacker.


    All to her fun, she was finally feeling her anger and sadness from Dorothy¡¯s death recede. Athena¡¯s support had helped, but nothing beat the cathartic effect of mindless bloodshed.


    Victoria merrily slaughtered another four dozen undead without breaking a sweat, alternating between spells, blood knifes and Frying Fred, and moving the least possible to spare her stamina. But then a tall [Dullahan] approached, easily deflecting her knifes, and slashed at her with a long rusty sword. She didn¡¯t even try to dodge though, instead believing in the slight nudge at her soul that indicated reinforcement was on its way down.


    With a loud bang, a mightily pissed armoured giantess crashed into the ground beside the mad Princess, creating a small crater, and the blade of the monster broke against her shield. With a precise movement, Athena then grabbed the arm of the same headless warrior and used its owner as a club to repel the closest assailants before throwing it away.


    ¡°WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!!¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. I call it ¡®frontal assault¡¯. I¡¯m quite proud of it myself.¡±


    ¡°Remember me to break both your arms as soon as we get out of this mess.¡±


    ¡°I might forget, but I¡¯ll try. Turn you back towards here.¡±


    The Shielbearer didn¡¯t question the order. As much as the dhampir¡¯s approach made no apparent sense, her fighting abilities were no longer in question. The reason Athena had taken so long to jump in was that she had been staring amazed at the chaotic massacre. And hesitation in the middle of the battlefield was often synonym of death. Athena just hoped Victoria at least had a vague idea of what to do next.


    As soon as she turned around, she felt a weight on her back and reflexively brought her arm that wasn¡¯t holding her shield to catch whatever had jumped her. She could guess what it was though, and thus wasn¡¯t overly surprised when her hand grasped a soft leathery bump along with a cute startled moan.


    What did surprise her however, was the deluge of blue fire that suddenly gushed from over her shoulder, reducing her foes to inoffensive ashes.


    Toto was out, and he wasn¡¯t happy to see those vermin invade his territory¡­ His territory meaning everything in his sight. Toto was a very proud puppy-dragon. A very pissed puppy-dragon too.


    ¡°ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAR!!!¡±


    ¡°Now! Giddy up, Thena! Follow the Yellow Brick Road! I¡¯ll give you a little boost.¡±


    Athena was about to ask more detailed explanations, when the first lyrics of a familiar song floated to her ears over the wails of the army of rotting doom.


    ¡°From tales untold,


    ? Rose the Black Raven,


    Legends unfold, ?


    Lend your ears, children. ?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Temporary Buff: +20 STR


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Carried by the song, surrounded by a flock of ruby blades, a dark knight in cursed armour cleaved through the moving mass of hungry corpses, one arm supporting a silently giggling shield and the other biggybacking a singing maiden in bondage-worthy leather armour, who herself was holding in her right hand a glowing frying pan named Fred and in her left Toto the roaring stuffed puppy hellhound drowning their enemies with blue flames.


    Without slowing down, they darted towards the forest, leaving devastation in their wake.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    As the group disappeared into the dark woods, somewhere else in a place feared by even the gods, a smiling entity put down his cup of tea, and slowly clapped his hands.


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <1> Having listened to it at least once gives a better impact.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> Imagine a Mord Sith from The Sword of Truth.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <3> Ever watched Highschool of the Dead?


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <4> Muuuusic:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <hr />


    And here¡¯s the new chapter, hope you liked it.


    I have a sad announcement to make. I¡¯m going on a trip¡­ without my computer. So there won¡¯t be any other chapter this month. But I will continue to write so that I can release a few faster as soon as I come back.


    So, thank you for reading and see you next month.

 V1.11 – Shortcuts

    Chapter 11:


    Shortcuts


    ¡°Brace up yards, you cack-handed deck apes. Dying is the day worth living for!¡±


    ¨C Hector Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World''s End


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    After making off from the macabre marauding mob of morbid miscreants, massacring and maiming on a merry martial melody, the mismatched mates and their mongrel made it to the meanders of moving mucus and marched to a mossy mound.


    The two adventurers and their diminutive draconic stooge were now gazing upon the putrid flow of the [River of Lost Souls], its nauseating smell and its dizzying stop-motion pace. The endless processions of mingled spectres wailing mutely in despaired agony, although overlooked by the blas¨¦ Progenitor and the uninterested pup, was leaving the Shieldbearer at loss for pertinent descriptive terminology.


    ¡°This is¡­¡±


    ¡°If you say cute, I will be the one to punch yo- OUCH!¡±


    ¡°Of course I wouldn¡¯t say that!¡±


    ¡°Pfr-pfr-pfr-pfr.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t see what¡¯s so funny, doggy.¡±


    ¡°Grrrrrrrrrr¡­¡±


    ¡°Stop it. Both of you.¡±


    ¡°Yeah mom.¡±


    ¡°Muuu.¡±


    ¡°Why do you listen to her? I am the master here.¡±


    ¡°Grrrrrrrr.¡±


    ¡°Next one who opens their mouth, or muzzle, I threw her or him in there. Understood?¡±


    ¡°¡°¡­¡±¡±


    ¡°Good. Now what do we do?¡±


    For some disciplinary reasons, the tall Athena was holding onto her two childish companions, Victoria and Toto, respectively by the neck of her clothes and the cloth of his neck, and giving them a glare of mama-tigress scolding her two bickering cubs.


    And, in a place where chaos was born, far from the world below, while eating his popcorn, god was enjoying the show.


    ¡°Well?¡± Athena insisted.


    ¡°¡­Can we talk now?¡±


    *sigh* ¡°Yes. But no fighting with the dog.¡±


    Athena slowly put Victoria down on the ground, and Toto ended up on her own armoured shoulder, where he sat docilely but still baring his short smooth cute fangs at the Bloodsoul Mage.


    ¡°It¡¯s his fault. If he just went back to his pokeba¡­ inventory.¡±


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡± the tone was menacing.


    ¡°Okay¡­ *sigh* Well. I know I promised you to go to Start as fast as possible, but¡­¡±


    The dhampir shot a hesitant glance at the tall woman.


    ¡°Go ahead,¡± Athena gave her permission to continue.


    ¡°There¡¯s a guardian¡­ I suppose it¡¯s a kind of boss¡­ around here. If we don¡¯t defeat it, the souls of Dorothy and the others won¡¯t be able to go to the Ether¡­ or whatever they call NPC-afterlife¡­ I know this doesn¡¯t concern you, but if we could just¡­ Eeeeh¡­ You know¡­¡±


    Not sure how to convince her irascible comrade, Victoria was playing uncomfortably with her braid, but as it appeared, the fierce copper-headed tank didn¡¯t need much convincing.


    ¡°Alright.¡±


    ¡°Seriously?!¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ I still want to get rid of that class, but Start is months away. I don¡¯t think a small detour will be that much of a problem.¡±


    Even if the Soulbound had made the resolution to stop being a burden to her friends, she still couldn¡¯t accept her subclass. The simple idea of being dependant on another person, of not being her own master, was something that repulsed her on a visceral level. But not to the point she would be selfish and deny Victoria her help if the cute dhampir asked.


    ¡°Thank you!¡± Victoria smiled happily. ¡°But¡­ I don¡¯t think we¡¯ll need months to reach Start anyway.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°I saw a map of the area around here at Bluerose. It was quite dated, but for what it was showing, it didn¡¯t really matter how old it was. Ley lines don¡¯t really change, except in case of large topographic transformations.¡±


    Athena made a puzzled face.


    ¡°You spoke about ley lines when we escaped the castle. What are those exactly?¡±


    ¡°Basically? Lines of mana that run through the ground. They can be used to fuel rituals and runes. Most dungeons are actually located over ley lines, but nobody really cares.¡±


    The self-centred ex-Wandering Knight made a wide dismissive gesture expressing her contempt for the stupidity of other people in general.


    ¡°And how does that helps us shorten the journey?¡±


    ¡°Well, there¡¯s another common use for ley lines, even though, again, not many know it¡¯s actually ley lines that are used. From the non-initiates¡¯ point of view, it just works ¡®because it is ancient magic¡¯. It¡¯s funny how people don¡¯t care as long as it works. It¡¯s even funnier when it breaks though. Hahaha. I love looking at them trying to figure this shit out. Hahahaha... *cough* Anyway, what I¡¯m talking about is¡­¡±


    There were many runic ruins throughout Pandore, almost all of them which used ley lines as power sources. However knowledge about these energy paths had mostly been forgotten, and even Elric had only stumbled upon it by chance in the [Lost Library of Butv¡¯Erisit]. Most of those ruins were unique and all different, but there existed a certain type of ruin, or more accurately a large scale artefact, which had duplicates all over the continent.


    ¡°¡­teleportation,¡± Victoria concluded.


    ¡°Ah? But I thought teleportation gates were set up by the Temple?¡±


    ¡°Those guys, eh?¡± commented the Knowledgeable with a hint of disdainful mockery.


    The Temple, with a big capital T, was a vast order which venerated the god of¡­ well¡­ Order, fittingly. Its headquarters were set up in [Lumiere], capital of the [Holy Land of Altor], but its presence was also strong in [Firstland], as it was the main human religion in this part of the continent.


    Victoria of course, as a most unwilling apostle of Chaos, would be recognised as a mortal enemy of the Temple as soon as she stepped into one of their buildings, since priests had the annoying habit of setting up barriers around everything they owned. Barriers which more often than not were complemented with hostile heathen-smiting spells. Moreover, because the pale Princess was also the unholy Progenitor of the vampire race, and because humans had a stupid tendency of confusing Order with Light and Good, she would be undoubtedly doubly hated.


    In fact, if the Temple became aware of her existence, she gave them at most six hundred and sixty-six seconds before putting her name at the very top of their ¡°to obliterate with pious brutality¡± list. The aforementioned time frame being just what Victoria estimated necessary for two panic attacks and one tearful supplication to their god for protection against the Harbinger of Unpredictable Doom.


    I suppose the Magichaos Girl might also be on their kill-on-sight list, but she has never been very active near populated area so, then again, maybe not. And, well¡­ I think the god of Order hates me personally anyway. Is there such thing as megalo persecution complex? And as far as other Light-ish gods go, I may not be hated by Sun, but that remains to be seen¡­ And I¡¯d rather not see the sun up close any time soon.


    For various reason thus, Victoria had all intentions to stay as far away from the Temple as dhampirly possible.


    ¡°No,¡± she eventually answered Athena. ¡°The Temple doesn¡¯t own the teleportation gates. That¡¯s just what they want everyone to believe. It¡¯s true that they control most of the gates in Altor and Firstland, but not all of them. Plus they don¡¯t really have the knowledge to set up new ones. All they can do is add a little low-level rune between the power source, the ley line in other words, and the teleportation circle, so they can pretend to control it.¡±


    ¡°So they only add a switch to pre-existing installations,¡± Athena rephrased with a thoughtful expression.


    She looked interested.


    ¡°Right,¡± Victoria nodded, remembering Eva was in the same technical-oriented studies as ¡®herself¡¯.


    ¡°So there is a teleportation gate nearby?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure yet, but there¡¯s a town named Cali not far from here, and according to the map, several ley lines converge under it, which would be a perfect place to set up a gate. And if there¡¯s nothing in Cali, this whole region is abnormally swarmed with ley lines. I¡¯d be surprised if their isn¡¯t at least one gate around here¡­ and in the worst case scenario, I can set up a gate myself.¡±


    The Shieldbearer eyes widened until they became two amber saucers. Her mouth too hang open. Even Toto looked like he was calling bullshit on that one.


    ¡°You¡­ You can make teleportation gates?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ well¡­ There¡¯s a bunch of ifs and buts¡­ and I never actually tried¡­ Mostly because I prefer to walk¡­ But¡­ The runes themselves, I could easily relearn them within a month. In fact, I¡¯ve already started to replenish my spell repertoire. The main problem is that if there already is a gate around, one that is still active or even dormant, and we miss it in our search and try to create another gate nearby¡­ Well¡­ Let¡¯s just say that having two sources of large scale space distortion magic resonate with each other is a bad idea.¡±


    ¡°How bad?¡±


    ¡°¡­Hydrogen Bomb on steroids bad?¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ ripping a hole in space is usually unadvisable. That¡¯s why I try to stay away from the gates the Temple has tempered with.¡±


    Athena blinked a couple times, then began to pale.


    ¡°Oh god¡­ there¡¯s one of those in every major city in Altor and Firstland.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ and chain reaction is a very funny business¡­ But it¡¯s not like what they, the templars I mean¡­ What they do isn¡¯t really that dangerous. To reuse your analogy, they have just cut a wire and added a switch. As long as they don¡¯t try to temper with the inside of the device¡­ or that their switch doesn¡¯t overheat¡­ or that no powerful space magic is cast nearby¡­ or¡­ Haha¡­ Well¡­ In any case¡­ everything should be fi~ine.¡±


    The Shielbearer didn¡¯t seem much reassured. Victoria could understand. She herself was overly excited by the perspective of nationwide spacequake fireworks. In the past, whenever Elric was around people and had felt really excited, he had noticed his companions tended to shit their pants. They also often threw glances at him and muttered prayers for some reasons.


    ¡°Aaaanyway. We digressed, soooo¡­ To come back to our problem, I could also try to set up a non-runic teleportation circle and select a runic gate as the destination. Like this, the circle would be ¡®spent¡¯ by the jump and disappear before any resonance could happen¡­¡±


    ¡°But?¡± Athena interpreted Victoria¡¯s sentence left in suspension.


    ¡°But. Indeed. Well¡­ first that would require a truckload of magic-conductive material. The best would be powdered managems, and even a small bag costs an arm, with the magic bracelets still on it.¡±


    Actually Victoria had quite a large amount of savings, enough to buy a castle of decent size in fact, plus some of the surrounding city, although most of her fortune was in artefacts, ancient documents and rare materials, including the aforementioned powder in non-negligible quantities. Ingredients for magical circles were not easy to gather, and who knew when one would need to blow up a city? Or a small mountain? It was always good to have some supplies at hand.


    However she could not access her reserves from where she and Athena were anyway. Only basic necessities were stored at the Horizon Guild¡¯s headquarters and thus obtainable through the [Ether Bags]. Her most precious and/or dangerous secret possessions were kept secretly in a secret safe at a secret bank of sorts. Very secret.


    ¡°And, second,¡± Victoria continued with her explanation, ¡°lower quality teleportation¡­ higher risk of not getting there all together.¡±


    ¡°You mean the members of the group would arrive one after another?¡±


    ¡°No¡­ the pieces of the members of the group would arrive one after another¡­ if they arrive at all¡­ and at the right destination¡­ I need to try to weaponize this.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ Well¡­ *cough* There¡¯s a reason why teleportation isn¡¯t more common. Anyway, there high chances of us finding a gate in Cali, so let¡¯s not worry pointlessly for now and let¡¯s focus on killing that Guardian instead.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± It sounded more reasonable to Athena than the invention of dimensional artillery. ¡°Where is it?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Vicky?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure it¡¯s¡­ somewhere around here¡­¡±


    *crack* *crack* *crrrrack*


    ¡°Haha¡­ Thena, were those your knuckles?¡±


    ¡°You must have misheard. That was your skull.¡±


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ You¡¯re not good at jokes, Thena¡­ Thena? AAAAAH!! PLEASE SPARE ME! AAAAH! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FA- AAAOUCH!!! Owowowow¡­ Damn you, bear woman.¡±


    ¡°Pfr-pfr-pfr-pf-KAAIIII!! Kai-kai-kai¡­¡±


    ¡°Seriously¡­¡±


    A brief sympathetic glance passed between Victoria and Toto, before each recalled who the other was and looked away with a humph.


    Athena warily massaged her temples, wondering if that was what mothers felt when their kids refused to behave. However, she could feel somehow that Victoria was doing this more to toy with her than because the playful dhampir was angry with the actual possessed toy. Toto was genuinely being a brat though, but it wasn¡¯t like Athena couldn¡¯t understand why he was in a bad mood. So Athena decided not to pursue and instead moved on.


    "Alright. Let''s proceed methodically."


    Victoria shivered at this fearful concept.


    "What do we know about that Guardian?"


    "Well, it''s a bit of a long story..."


    With the least digressions possible ¨C *COUGH* ¨C Victoria brought the Shieldbearer up to speed with the causes of the current state of Erwyn, the humbly named ¡°Awesome Three¡±, Jafar''s totally unpredictable betrayal and finally a twisted version of the origin of Kansas, one that did not include any semblance of gender-bendism whatsoever.


    Thus, two hours, seven attacks by random monster groups  at various stages of decay, three violent punchistic redirecting of the conversation and the perpetrator¡¯s consequent tearful apologies, as well as a tentative escape by an ungrateful puppy followed by a pitiful wrestling match between two greater undead possessed by their inner four-year-old... a dishevelled Progenitor eventually concluded her explanation.


    "So the Guardian should be close to the river," Athena commented.


    "...Yeah."


    "Kekeke. That about sums it up, does it not?"


    ""...""


    "..."


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    A wild ELDER appeared!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    The fuck?


    "WHAT THE HELL are you doing here?!" Victoria shouted, as the Shieldbearer explosively jumped forward and threw a flying kick at the unexpected intruder... a movement which looked pretty badass while wearing a black full-plate armour.


    The dhampir mentally applauded the action but Ambrose let out a startled cry. He dissolved before the impact, and then reformed a little further.


    It¡¯s not very effective¡­


    Victoria guessed this was more a reflex from the old man than anything. Athena would not have been able to hurt him even if her foot had gone right through the ghost¡¯s head.


    The Progenitor was ready to let this cat-and-mouse game continue between her Soulbound and her kinda-mentor ¨C she did learn a lot about soul magic in the Corbin''s autobiography ¨C however Athena was not the kind to perform twice a seemingly useless action and was already retreating, shield raised, and placing herself between her friend and the apparition.


    Seeing that she wasn''t going to have her fun, Victoria decided to intervene before Athena strained a neuron trying to figure out a way to beat the shit out the wild Elder. Not that Victoria wasn''t interested in finding out how the Shieldbearer would go about it, but she doubted the tall woman had much chance of success.


    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    Victoria casually stood up from the stump she had been sitting on and placed herself between Tom and Jerry.


    "Thena, this is Ambrose," she said, alternatively designating each of them. "Old fart, I suppose I don''t need to introduce my friend here?"


    "Kekeke. No, of course. How could I not be aware of the Progenitor''s Soulbound''s identity?"


    Don''t play old sage, fart. I bet you''ve been stalking us all the way. No wonder I felt watched these past few days.


    Victoria saw Athena twitch at being addressed by her subclass, but surprisingly she didn''t retort and instead asked a pretty obvious question with a raised eyebrow at the Princess:


    "Ambrose? Wasn''t he supposed to be more... elderly?"


    "...Yeaaah... What''s with the looks, geezer?"


    The smirking spectre was undoubtedly Ambrose Corbin, seventeenth of the name or whatever, but instead of a venerable old timer, the man standing there looked like a prince charming in his twenties, his muscles for once filling the dirty white shirt he always wore, which was not so dirty anymore. If not for the golden eyes, blond hair and stupid laugh, Victoria herself would have had some difficulties identifying the stalker.


    I decided. I¡¯m starting my own stalker collection! Gotta catch ¡®em all!!


    "Ah, this? Kekeke. Why not? I am the one to choose my own appearance. Before was how I looked a few years prior my death. I thought it was more suitable for the elderly chief of a remote village. However now that my role is over, what wrong is there to try and impress the ladies?"


    Victoria, who had been mumbling for all duration the answer, suddenly extended her hand towards the Shieldbearer who was still in fighting stance.


    "...oul Grab]. Thena?"


    With a short nod of acknowledgement, the tall woman leaped forwards and, even before the red-blue glow of the spell receded, slammed her left fist in the dead knight''s face. The two two things Athena disliked the most, after herself, were vain playboys and enemies she couldn''t beat. Ambrose was embodying the two with flawless expertise, and feeling his cheekbone bend under the pressure of her gauntlet was good indeed.


    Unfortunately, Athena''s Intelligence stat was not that high, and Ambrose was a tough bastard. The douchebag only slightly staggered backwards.


    Well, we are not trying to kill him anyway.


    At least Victoria was not. However, the opening created by the Soulbound¡¯s attack was just enough for a certain doggy to jump in and snap his jaws shut on the ghost prince''s family jewels.


    This was how they discovered Toto had apparently a permanent [Soul Grab] ability going on¡­ and had conserved his draconic strength when dealing with other disembodied souls.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    "Vicky, are you alright?"


    Athena was concerned about Victoria, who looked even paler than usual as she stared with horror at the collapsed foaming Ambrose.


    "I... I''m fine thanks."


    Holy mother of cyborg pirate zombie raptor Jesus...


    "Old fart... are you dead again?"


    "...I knew..."


    "I beg your pardon?"


    "I knew I should not have left you out of my sight. I took off for half a day to check on the situation in the capital, and you give a physical body to one of the greatest calamity of the past four millennia. I was careless."


    "What the hell are you mumbling ab- Thena! Don''t nod in agreement!!"


    "S-Sorry," Athena stammered, then turned towards the slowly getting up Ambrose. "What happened in the capital?"


    She was one to think no detail was irrelevant. Victoria on her side, while keeping a distracted ear out, fell on her knees beside Toto and pet him with a "good job". The stuffed dog didn''t recoil for once and smugly smirked, although he still dutifully munched on the mage''s hand after a couple pettings.


    "Nothing happened in the capital. I was simply getting my information up to date. Although, I also put a couple observation spells in place in case Sanity decided to launch an attack. As it is, the current royal family is filled with pretty useless characters, with the exception of the Second Princess. But the girl lacks experience. If the capital were to be assaulted, I fear they would not last a week."


    Athena perked up at the bad news, her player instincts smelling a quest, and Victoria tensed up, her recklessness detector sensing troubles. The Reckless Imbecile was all for killing the Guardian and saving Dorothy''s soul, but she had never been much of an avenger. Even with the not-so-roundabout thinking that Jafar was responsible for her little sister''s death, Victoria wasn''t about to take on a whole cult of crazy people right now.


    True, in normal circumstances she would have probably opted for directly attacking the enemies¡¯ headquarters, also probably while naked and commanding an army of dancing chihuahuas, but "normal" circumstances included herself being able to endure a punch from a cockroach and to run for more than fifty-seven seconds without collapsing, and also usually encompassed a relatively good grasp on her powers, not endangering a friend and not being hated by about every major god out there.


    Although, if she had to be honest with herself, the real problem was that this kind of "save the kingdom" quest would undoubtedly involve large scale fights, meaning armies, meaning associating with large numbers of people. And since this country''s army seemed unable to deal on their own with Sanity''s ineluctable hordes of undead, it meant those people she would have to associate with would have to be recruited from the outside, which meant attracting players'' attention to herself, something she had never been a fan of. Even back in the days, Elric''s fame had been attached to his name more than to his face, and still was.


    She had to intervene.


    "Yeah Yeah..." she began on a dismissive tone.  "This is very sad and all, but, on a more practical subject, do you know where that Guardian is?"


    Athena shot her a quizzical glance for the not-so-subtle attempt at changing the subject, but decided the probable quest would only make it more difficult for her to get rid of her subclass, so she let it slide. Besides, Victoria might have made the Shieldbearer the official head of their group, but she wasn''t about to voice her opinion if it went against the dhampir''s objectives.


    "Ah. Yes. The Guardian. Well, he lives in a cave that is both the source of the river and its end. I would have exterminated the beast myself, but my current strength is not enough. In fact, I can barely maintain this projection of myself. So, I feel guilty to press the matter onto you, but could you two please take care of the Soul Eater and allow me to grant eternal rest to my fallen subordinates."


    Ambrose said so seriously with a bow, and the formulaic speech was predictably followed by a familiar bell sound.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Quest: Rest in Pieces


    The Guardian of the [Lost Woods], once the [Domain of the Sacred Beast], has long ago been corrupted by the dark magic which plagues the [Kingdom of Erwyn]. You have been asked to kindly slaughter the Guardian to grant rest to the souls fallen in this place, as well as to the tormented beast itself.


    Difficulty C


    Success  Conditions:


    Kill the Guardian of the [Lost Woods] before Ambrose Corbin¡¯s soul is erased from this world.


    Consequences:


    - The self-satisfaction of doing a good deed. ...What? That''s a thing.


    - Great Benediction of the freed Guardian


    - One artefact


    - One hidden... reward? Not sure if it''s a reward... But please take him if you can.


    <hr />


    - Do you accept? -


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    "Yes."


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have accepted the quest ¡°Rest in Pieces¡±.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    There doesn''t seem to be a catch... Although that hidden reward is suspicious, but we can just skip it.


    Hidden rewards were special, in that solving the quest didn''t mean one would get this kind of reward. There were conditions to get it, such as talking the boss into submission instead of beating the crap out of them, killing every single monster in a dungeon, kissing the right frog, eating salmon under the moonlight, sacrificing one of your teammates to the god of custard... those sorts of things.


    Sometimes the conditions were very straightforward and easy to guess, but most often they were absurd. Therefore conventional adventurers considered hidden rewards a hit-or-miss feature.


    Elric, however, had always made a point of getting every single hidden reward in any quest he did, even when the conditions to get two different rewards were exclusive in nature. He once fought a boss after equipping an item which created an evil twin of himself, just to be able to fight while both being naked and wearing a dress at the same time. The boss had not been that strong actually. It was defeating the evil twin that had been the delicate part.


    Now that the God of Chaos actively talked to her though, Victoria had become much more suspicious of anything with the word "hidden" or "special" attached to them.


    She brought back her attention to Ambrose, who was speaking again:


    "You have my gratitude, young ones. Now I must leave. Manifesting myself takes more than it seems out of me, and I must conserve my strength for the day I shall finally truly need it. We probably will not be seeing each other much anymore before that day comes."


    "Finally a good news."


    "Kekeke. So ruthless with this old man." Then he added with a tender smile: "It was good to see you again, Victoria."


    The Princess felt her heart skip a beat, being looked in such a loving way by a handsome man, immediately followed by the urge to throw up and a subconscious desire to destroy all life that she attributed to Seras.


    "Toto."


    "ROOOAAR!!"


    A jet of spirit flames surged towards Ambrose, who swiftly dispersed with a startled yelp.


    "Good boy," Victoria proudly praised the pup who was back to biting her ankle.


    "You two don''t have a very good relationship," observed Athena.


    "He stole my marbles."


    And with that meaningful answer, the two women began to walk along the putrid river.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    "This is..."


    "Rather cool... in a creepy Flush of Hell kind of way."


    "I will agree this time."


    Two girls and one stuffed dog stood at the top of a cliff, their back to the void, the shortest girl a bit closer to the edge than it was prudent. They had followed the river upstream, in the same direction as the flow of wailing souls, who seemed to have a little dissension with the concept of gravity. But did gravity apply to immaterial beings anyway?


    The culminating point of the [River of Lost Souls], its geographical spring thus, which was actually its end, was a small lake surrounded by tall ancient trees¡­ and entirely occupied by a whirlpool. The incoming plasma of spectres was sucked down into a hole at the bottom on the lake, diving to a fate worse than death itself as the meal of a corrupted entity, damned spirits being dragged against their agonising will into a spiral of darkness and despair. Or, like the poet dhampir had judiciously pointed out, it looked like an unholy toilet being flushed.


    "Hahaha... It''s funny. Thena, look at them waving their hands like ''Help me! Help me!'' Hahaha... This reminds me of that old movie where a domestic mouse falls down in the sewers and finds a city... Did you see it?"


    "No."


    "...figures."


    All the souls which disappeared down the drain did not get eaten though. Mid-height of the cliff, below where the group now stood, a huge mouth-like cave opened, spitting an uninterrupted flow of wriggling translucent bodies which fell down into another lake, before being sucked upstream again by the attraction of the whirlpool.


    "Mmmh... So the rivers surrounds the hollowed mesa of Nowhere completely. The cave must be the entrance of the dungeon. I have ropes in my inventory so getting there should not be too difficult. I should probably carry Vicky on my back though. Alright, Vicky we¡­ Vicky?"


    Having finished her observations and correctly formed an applicable plan, Athena raised her head, but the dhampir was not beside her anymore. A quick inspection of her surrounding located the Princess near the lake, arguing with Toto.


    "...not resistant enough."


    "Grrrr."


    "I know, but I could not really built a dragon body in three days, could I? And with what material? Be thankful. You''re already fireproof and almost impossible to cut through, stop complaining. I''m just concerned that the managem will be broken by blunt damage. Now you don''t want that to happen, do you?"


    "..."


    "That''s what I thought. Now, hop! Coucouche panier!"


    With a last growl, the little hellhound disappeared into the Progenitor''s inventory. Then Victoria mumbled something and a faint glow covered her body, right as the Shieldbearer arrived.


    "I was afraid he would get hurt during the boss fight," Victoria answered to her friends'' quizzical look.


    "I agree for the last boss, but he could have been useful for the rest of the dungeon."


    "We don''t need to go through the whole dungeon. The quest is just to defeat the Guardian."


    "But we can''t do that without going through the dungeon."


    "Pu~Puuu! There''s a shortcut. Though there an eighty percent chance we die. I say the odds are good."


    "Eighty? That''s madness!"


    The dhampir just responded with a smile which sent shivers down Athena''s spine, before suddenly staring at the lake behind the tall woman.


    "Ah!"


    Immediately on her guard, the Shieldbearer spun around, readily equipping her Gorgon Shield. However all that greeted her was the same oddly silent nauseating scenery.


    "Vicky? What-"


    "Madness? This is SPARTA!!"


    A body slammed into Athena''s back. Victoria would have liked reproducing the legendary kick but, as far as Leonidas was concerned, she currently felt closer in strength to the Belgian chocolate rather than the Greek king. She thus had had to resort to a less awesome-looking full body slam.


    Already unsteady from abruptly turning around, Athena lost balance and fell into the repulsive lake, cursing words which would make a trucker blush. Still on the bank, Victoria laughed out loud as she massage her painful shoulder. She looked her Soulbound being dragged into the whirlpool, before pinching her nose and canonball diving after Athena.


    However, right before hitting the surface of faces, a thought crossed the Princess'' mind.


    Hahaha.


    ¡°I can''t swiblebrugghlbarf-blub.¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    Hiii! Back from Italy. From sun to rain. From shorts to pants. From shirtless to pullovers. From 37¡ã to 23¡ã Celsius. Aaaaah¡­ Belgium. Home, wet home.


    Here¡¯s a picture from me in Pisa.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    Thanks for your support as usual and see you next chapter, if my MCs did not just got dissolved.


    Dissolution is never the solution.

 V1.SS – OT: Plants vs. Zombies

    Others¡¯ Tales:


    Plants vs. Zombies


    Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.


    ¨C Horace


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    Prince Orchid was in a great mood.


    The expedition led by his guild [Dragonheart Flower] to the [Tiamat Mountain Range] was a disastrous failure. They had been stuck for months doing nothing but extensively mapping the area, unable to cross the mountains, ridiculing themselves while [Horizon] grew more famous daily by strengthening their hold over the territory surrounding [Phoenix Castle].


    The archbishop of the Temple backing them up was displeased with their lack of progress, as were many of his guildmates. Their supplies were running low and their funds threatened to soon join the formers, dooming their expedition once and for all, except if the loaned paladins were recalled first, which would render any monetary concern irrelevant because they would then be fucked anyway.


    Moreover, there was absolutely no reason to presume anything would get better in the foreseeable future.


    "Aaaah... Today truly is a good day."


    As he walked across his commending tent, a glass of wine in a hand and a smile on his lips, Prince thought about a beautiful young woman with hazelnut hair and brown eyes. Her figure overlapped in his mind with a nearly identical high elf, if not for the silky jet black hair and forest green eyes replacing the features of the original.


    "Ah, Lily, dear cousin,¡± he toasted alone. ¡°I hope you enjoy your stay at your parent''s farm. Do not worry, I will take care of my guild in your absence."


    Lily Snapdragon, DHF''s vice-master, was actually also his real-life cousin, although that fact was mostly kept secret from the guild. She had begun squatting his apartment five months ago, allegedly to save up on lodging money, since he lived close to her chosen university. Massive bullshit. They both were learning through correspondence courses. He doubted she even ever stepped on the grounds of the nearby campus.


    He himself would have preferred to attend actual lessons ¨C he was actually enrolled ¨C but she wouldn¡¯t allow him, so he gave up. He couldn¡¯t believe how fast his cousin had manage to take full control of every single aspect of his life. At least he still had some leeway as Guild Master, so lately he spent more and more time in the game.


    Fortunately, that woman would be at her parents'' home for the whole week-end, lying her ass off about her fabulous student life. And, paramount of divine grace, her parents lived on a farm, in one of the only places left in the USA where getting access to the internet was less likely than growing a second head, which granted Prince with almost ten days of absolute freedom.


    "Now... What do I do today? It isn''t likely some new development will occur, so let''s go visit Melany," he said with a practised lady-killer smile.


    He drank his wine, put the glass down on a table, readjusted his military suit of white and gold, taking a pose with his gloved hand resting on the pommel of his rapier, and looked at himself in a large cheval glass standing near the wall of cloth. Sky blue eyes, toothpaste smile, wavy blond hair growing slightly past his ears, perfect face, his avatar was everything one would expect from someone named Prince. He tried to see some of his real features in his modified visage, but to his greatest joy, he saw none.


    He plucked a fraxinella, also known as ¡°burning bush¡±, out of a nearby vase and set it up in his breast pocket. Dictamnuses were not the most pleasing to the eye amongst flowers, but he did not wear it purely for aesthetic purposes.


    He looked at himself once again.


    Satisfying.


    "Truly, this day couldn''t go any bett-"


    At this moment, the sides of the entrance flew open and a man rushed inside, dressed in a cloak covered in plants, mainly ivy, and with a pair of antlers on each side of the hood that hid his face.


    "Guild Master Prince Orchid!" exclaimed the newcomer of druidic appearance.


    Then, seeing his leader was alone, he continued on a less pompous tone: ¡°Greg, we foun-¡±


    ¡°Name, Mistletoe.¡±


    ¡°Right. Sorry Prince.¡±


    "No prob. Speak. What¡¯s up?"


    Proud of his function, Prince made a point of knowing the names and classes of all his core guild members¡­ not just the female ones. And Mistletoe was a close friend even in real life, despite his flawed character and even if they had not physically met each other in months.


    "We found a passage!"


    The Druid was obviously excited, so it was likely more than another false alarm, and the Guild Master''s smile broaden even more.


    I was wrong. This day could get better after all.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    "So you say there was a rock slide?"


    "Yes. Team Cornflower was investigating the new room found by Team Dandelion, when a portion of the wall collapsed and revealed a tunnel."


    Prince and Mistletoe were each carrying a torch and running along a narrow cave, towards a large natural room they had found a week prior.


    The room was huge. A small church would have probably fit inside. And the wall were covered in abstruse scriptures. Three months ago, the discovery of such a place might have excited the members of the expedition, but after dozens of similar sites, and no substantial gain, their enthusiasm had seriously cooled down.


    "A tunnel?" repeated Prince. "Are you sure it isn''t just another dungeon?"


    "Affirmative. We sent Team Poppy to explore the inside. They confirmed it wasn''t a dungeon. And two different Air Mages from Team Cabbage also confirmed there was another exit to the tunnel."


    "When is the Megazord due to arrive?"


    "As soon as we manage to get people out of that damn Ferris wheel."


    "Good. Let us hurry."


    "..."


    Prince could feel his friend¡¯s gaze on him.


    "What?"


    "Are we really going to make that joke every time something happens?"


    "As long as it takes for me to get used to those color-coded flowery teams¡­ Seriously, wasn¡¯t there anything else green beside cabbages? I can never understand what that woman is thinking."


    "You have it hard, Masta," Mistletoe commented with a smirk and a suggestive movement of his eyebrows. ¡°Being fawned over, cooked for, fed, washed, clad, looked after in your sleep¡­¡±


    "Why don''t you try it?" the other replied with irritation.


    "You should just give in. If anything, she''s hot."


    "I still value my life."


    "My point exactly."


    "..."


    They continued to run in silence after that, Mistletoe still grinning and Prince contemplating his dark future.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    The pair soon reached the dark natural chamber lit up by torches, and Prince immediately rectified his brooding face. Mistletoe was one thing, but in front of his other guildmates, he was the Master of Dragonheart Flower, confident, competent, and above all, charming.


    With a measured pace, he crossed the vast space, the Druid following a few steps behind on his left. If Lily had been there, she would have been on his right. At least decorum was something the cousins agreed on.


    The entrance of the newly discovered tunnel was guarded by a trio of players. One was a human girl in mage robe. The other two were guys, a human swordsman and a tall half-orc in plate armour. From their equipment, more than decent but subpar compared with many in the guild, Prince could tell they had barely passed the minimum level requirement for this quest. That, and the fact he couldn''t place a name on their faces, designated the three as fairly new recruits.


    As the Guild Master approached, they straightened their postures and gave him an approximate military salute.


    "Good evening," Prince said with his whitest and sparkliest smile. "Thank you for your hard work."


    "N-N-No! We just d-d-did our job," the mage stammered, clearly blushing.


    Prince ignored the death glares from the two others players, as well as Mistletoe low chuckle behind him, and took the girl''s hand to land a soft kiss on its back.


    "No. It is my pleasure to have such diligent comrades. Does this beautiful maiden have a name she would be so kind as to grace me with the sound of?"


    "I-I-I''m Kamille. Kamille Belladone."


    Cute¡­ Well, I guess we are bound to gather all the flowery names around, aren''t we?


    "And who might your companions be?" he asked again as he prudently shifted his gaze away from Kamille''s eyes, before the girl actually blew up a vein in her face.


    "Ah! This is Marc Hops," she said designating the swordsman.


    At least that¡¯s manly enough.


    He stepped away from the cloud of pheromones and gave the man a firm handshake.


    "Always a pleasure to meet a fellow practitioner of the sword. Please feel free to come to me for a spar when you feel bored. I might be able to entertain you."


    Despite his earlier hostile reaction, Marc couldn''t help but relax his guard, being directly talked to in such a friendly manner by the esteemed leader of one of the most powerful guilds of Untold Tales.


    "It would be my honour, Guild Master."


    "And this is Moss Fernz," the girl continued with the introductions.


    Moss¡­ because he¡¯s green¡­ Can¡¯t comment that.


    The tall half gave Prince a curt nod, which the latter send back as respectfully as possible.


    "There is also Chlo¨¦ Ginger, the healer of the party, but she is offline right no- Ah!" she caught herself mid-sentence and covered her mouth with her hands. "I mean... I-I-I''M SORRY!! We were on guard duty, but she had a familial obligation and she-"


    "That''s alright" he cut her off. "This is a game, not the army. If you cannot be online, you cannot be online. That¡¯s all there is to it. If you stress yourself over the game, that defies its initial purpose, does it not? But please, try to inform Mistletoe here if someone gets held up. The higher-ups are not there only to give out orders. We are also supposed to organise the guild so that our members can enjoy the game to its fullest. But we can only do that if we know who is available and when. So please, be careful next time. Okay?"


    "Ye-YES!!"


    He smiled broadly and Kamille all but fainted. Prince could almost hear the Druid behind him roll on the floor laughing inside his own twisted hooded head.


    Yeah. People these days are to serious. A game is meant to be fun. If that wandering idiot is right about something, that¡¯s it. Just because I can''t enjoy the game doesn''t mean I can''t help other relax from their daily lives.


    Seeing as Kamille was out of commission and Moss not the talkative type, Prince then turned towards the swordsman Marc to ask: "Are you a new team?"


    "Yes, Team Razzmatazz... sir?"


    "Sir'' will do if you want. But you don¡¯t need to be so formal."


    The fuck is "razzmatazz"? When did we run out of flowers?


    Thankfully for him, Kamille suddenly came back to life and found pertinent to add: "It is a sort of double-flowered coneflower. It¡¯s reddish pink. I¡­ I thought it was cute."


    "Oh. Interesting."


    KILL IT!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!! Damn you, World! How many shades of pink are you going to inflict upon us until you are satisfied?!


    Not letting his inner outcry filter out, Prince finally addressed the main point of his presence: "So, Team... Razzmatazz, is everything alright around here?"


    "Yes sir, we-"


    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"


    I had to ask, didn''t I?


    The three recruits jumped at the scream that came out of the tunnel, while Prince just sighed. Mistletoe in turn whispered: "You jinxed it, Guil'' Masta."


    "Shut up. I know that," the other answered on the same tone, before raising his voice. "Go fetch reinforcement in case anything unexpected happens. I''ll go see what''s going on with Team Poppy."


    He watched the Druid take off, then turned back towards the trio.


    "You three, come with me."


    They might be weak compared to the other members of the expedition, but they weren''t newbies. Kamille, Marc and Moss rapidly recovered from their surprise and responded with another improvised military salute.


    "Yes Sir!"


    ¡°Alright.¡±


    Resolutely, he stepped in the tunnel¡­


    *bang*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 2 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡­only to stumble backwards after being slammed into by someone running in the opposite direction.


    ¡°Ow. Who¡­ Holly? Shit, what happened?!¡±


    Holly Wood, leader of team Poppy, stood before him, unsteady and panting. Her eyes were haggard, her priestess garb in tatters and covered in blood, and she very noticeably was missing an arm. The wound had been closed however, benefits of healing magic.


    ¡°I¡­ I don¡­ We found¡­ and then¡­ Oh God, all the others¡­ Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god¡­¡±


    Shit. Did they excavate a Balrog or something?


    ¡°Holly, calm down. Explain what you found. I promise we will avenge your team.¡±


    He assumed, seeing her state, that her teammates were in no better condition. The woman seemed to come back to her senses a little.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what it was. Undead I think. But I never heard of anything like that. The others shielded my escape. I¡­¡±


    Undead is it? That would explain the unexplained spontaneous support from the Temple. But what kind?


    Shivering, the priestess was muttering to herself, something about being a failure as a leader. Prince grabbed her shoulders and forced her to face him.


    ¡°Holly. Tell me everything you can.¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ There¡­ There was a-¡±


    ¡°ROOOOOOAR!!!¡±


    ¡°SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!¡±


    Loud noises echoed and Holly paled.


    ¡°It¡¯s coming.¡±


    ¡°What? Who¡¯s comi-¡±


    *BANG*


    Suddenly, a black blur bolted out of the tunnel and collided with the two players.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 50 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Rolling on the cave floor, Prince cursed. What was with everyone rushing into him today? He somersaulted backwards on the ground a few times and ended his course very un-princely laying on his upper back, legs over his head.


    A prickly feeling on his face made him open his eyes and what greeted him was a tiny skeleton staring back at him.


    ¡°HAAA!!¡±


    ¡°SQUEEEK!!¡±


    ¡°HAAAAAAAA!!¡±


    ¡°SQUEEEEEEEEAK!!¡±


    ¡°HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!¡±


    ¡°SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!¡±


    ¡°AAAAA¡­ GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!¡±


    ¡°SQUEE-EEEEEEEEEEEE-¡±


    *crack*


    Thrown away, the little animalistic bone monster slammed into the nearest wall, which was still quite far, and scattered.


    Prince stood up and took the scene surrounding him. The Razzmatazz trio was still beside the tunnel entrance, standing stunned. Holly¡­ Holly¡¯s corpse was laying a little further. She had been in a bad shape already and had borne the brunt of the impact. Next to her was a large black horse oozing black smoke and unhurriedly trying to get back on its hooves.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    ¡°Sque-heee-heeeakargh¡­¡±


    A sound came from the pile of squashed bones, which was reassembling itself into something like a rodent holding its head in pain. Then it jumped back on its tiny feet and made a victory sign with its claws. Puzzled but prudent, Prince unsheathed his sword. However he was completely ignored, as the creature rushed to the fallen horse and began admonishing it with high-pitched squeals.


    The situation was utterly weird.


    This feeling¡­ Oh god no.


    At that moment, Mistletoe, followed by the Mages of Team Cabbage, made irruption in the room.


    ¡°Code EW!!¡± Prince immediately shouted at him.


    Under his hood, the Druid¡¯s face paled and he nodded back to one of the Mages, who ran back out of the cave at full speed.


    ¡°Code EW? Are you sure?¡± he confirmed to the Guild Master after reaching his side.


    Without answering, Prince sternly designated the little bone rodent, now clad in darkness, arguing with the smoky horse.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± Mistletoe simply commented.


    ¡°Excuse me¡­ eeeh¡­¡±


    This was the reddish pink trio. Kamille was looking at the two higher-ups with a confused face, also casting brief glances at Holly¡¯s body and the absurd scene.


    ¡°Yes?¡± replied Prince.


    ¡°What is code EW?¡±


    The two players looked at each other, then Missletoe answered: ¡°Oh, right, you¡¯re new. Code EW is a full mobilisation of the available guild members. It is the standard procedure in case someone encounters something that defies the commonly accepted logic of the game. It is mostly to prevent things to go South if that guy is involved.¡±


    ¡°That guy?¡±


    ¡°Elric Walker,¡± both whispered with a tone of defeat.


    ¡°Eh? The Deep Exp¡¯? Is he so dangerous? I heard he was armless and funny.¡±


    ¡°FOOL!!¡± Misseltoe shouted. ¡°You do not know the true terror of the Harbinger of Odd!¡±


    Prince shivered: ¡°I remember the [Chickentulla].¡±


    ¡°And the army of¡­ were those smurfs?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. Very aggressive smurfs maybe. What still bugs me is those anthropophagus broccolis they were riding.¡±


    ¡°Aaaah! Don¡¯t remind me! I still can¡¯t eat vegetables without cheching if they have teeth.¡±


    ¡°And that time with the [Meteorite Shower]. How did he summon that?¡±


    ¡°Hell if I know. All I remember is her screaming ¡®Kyaaaaaaa!! Ecchi!!¡¯, then she started throwing [Rock Bullets] at us.¡±


    ¡°[Fiery Rock Bullets].¡±


    ¡°Oh, right. How did she even invoke fire from under a waterfall?¡±


    ¡°How could I know?! Ask Elric!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not going anywhere near that guy! I value my humanity.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ did we ever manage to turn that lord¡¯s daughter back?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ She still often bleats and sometimes goes out to graze her father¡¯s lawn, but aside from that she is mostly back to human.¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­ good.¡±


    Both of them sighed loudly, lost in their little traumatised world under the confused eyes of Team Razzmatazz.


    ¡°Hem. Sirs, the little guy and the horse are coming this way.¡±


    Marc the Swordsman snapped them back to reality.


    Everyone turned around and looked at the rodent riding the shadow horse, walking closer. Once a mere five metres away, the mount turned sideways and the diminutive bony figure faced the small crowd. Its long fist-sized skull snickered, its lipless mouth filled with sharp pointy fangs, clattering viciously. Ghastly green fire burned in the depth of its empty sockets and veil of pure darkness covered most of its skeletal body. The creature looked dangerous and threatening, yet couldn¡¯t help but foster a feeling of pity into those gazing upon it.


    ¡°Squeeeeeeak!! Squee squeeee squeeeeeak!! Squeak squeak Sque-sque-squeeeeeaaaak!!¡± the creature declared grandiosely.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    Prince felt a headache coming.


    ¡°He said ¡®I am Nutrek Acornazieth the Fourth. Fear Me unworthy mortals. Serve the great I or die under My army of minions.¡¯ I think that¡¯s the rough translation. And the tone was a bit more pompous.¡±


    Everyone¡¯s gazes once again shifted, this time towards Mistletoe. Even Nutrek looked taken aback.


    ¡°You speak squirrel?¡± Prince asked, doubtful.


    ¡°I am a protocol druid.¡±


    Silence answered that statement.


    *cough* ¡°Eeeh¡­¡± the mentally tired Guild Master sighed again. ¡°He¡¯s an enemy then?¡±


    ¡°¡­I suppose so?¡±


    ¡°Okay. Then¡­ Charge¡­ I guess.¡±


    The much unmotivated order took some time to take effect, but the mages eventually began casting their spells. However, before they could finish throwing them at the self-introduced Nutrek Acornazieth, a loud roar shook the cave.


    ¡°ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAR!!¡±


    ¡°SQUEEEEEAK!!¡±


    Under the astounded eyes of the assembled players, a tide of decaying monsters spewed out of the tunnel. Prince noted four half-moles spilling their organs, a rotting creature made of dogs stitched together, a baby duck lacking both its eyes, a brown snake, a swarm of ghastly butterflies, what looked like a giant shrimp with spider legs, and a couple of rabbits covered in bloods. Then any attempt at individual recognition was lost in the sheer number of the horde.


    ¡°Are those the aforementioned minions? It looks like their fearsome overlord fled though. And did he just screamed ¡®shi-¡±


    ¡°Shut up Mistletoe! Try to slow them with your magic! Team Cabbage, battle formation! Kamille, join them. Moss, protect Mistletoe until he finishes incanting. Marc, with me! We need to plug that tunnel before we¡¯re overwhelmed.¡±


    ¡°¡°¡°¡°Yes!¡±¡±¡±¡±


    With now a clearly hostile enemy in front of him, Prince Orchid gathered his wits back and organised his troops. Then he charged.


    Before reaching the small army already in the cave, Prince reached for the fraxinella still hanging from his breast pocket and crushed it. Fire surged forth and covered his rapier. Obtaining different power form different plants, that was the ability of the Florist Swordsman. As much as he found his class stupid, he couldn¡¯t deny its versatility. Plus, girls liked cool flower dudes, although having been both laughed at and called ¡°awesome¡± by Elric left a weird taste in Prince¡¯s mouth.


    At least if that guy could get my name right!!


    Focusing his rage on his current opponents, the Guild Master plunged into the mass of rotting monsters. Good thing he had chosen the ¡°burning bush¡± as ornament today. Undead were weak against fire. It was not as efficient as holy magic, but it was better than a simple steel sword. He just wished he had his silver weapon, or the mithril one, but he was careless and had left them at the commanding tent.


    But, seriously, who could expect an sudden undead outbreak after no sighting of the Wandering Knight for several months?


    Slightly behind him, Marc covered his back by defeating the remnants of the leader¡¯s victims. On both sides, AoE magic began to rain, courtesy of Kamille and Team Cabbage. Moss continued to protect the Druid from stray monsters and soon Mistletoe finished his incantation.


    The mob became instantly more sluggish, if only a little. The Druid¡¯s taming magic was not as efficient as normal because of the sheer number of animals and their undead nature. But victory was built on small advantages. That was Prince¡¯s deep belief, reason why a certain individual who always charged ahead without any plan and still came out unscathed tended to especially infuriate him.


    In no time, Prince and Marc reached the entrance of the tunnel. They left the cleaning of the cave to their guildmates and proceeded to slaughter any new monsters who arrived. More precisely, Prince slaughtered them while, again, Marc cut up any who passed through his Guild Master¡¯s blockade.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Ten minutes later, the flow of abnormal undead did not seem to dry up. Corpses piled up at Prince¡¯s feet but the monsters kept devouring their fallen brethren and surging forwards. He was beginning to tire. The effects of the burning bush had run up already and he was now fighting with only his swordsmanship.


    Damned, I need more. Can¡¯t they take a break? Just the time for me to run to a real florist?


    The Florist Swordsman was a very powerful and versatile class, because it enabled the player to use an absurd variety of techniques as long as the corresponding plant was available. However the plants had to be fresh, and unfortunately the inventory did not froze items in time. Milk would go off, meat rot, and flowers wither.


    Usually that was not a problem, but today¡­


    ¡°Where are the paladins?!¡±


    ¡°They are praying!¡± Mistletoe shouted back.


    ¡°Well could someone pray those armoured fuckers to get their faithful asses over here?!¡±


    Except Mistletoe, everyone looked shocked to hear their ever-polite Prince spit such rude words.


    Fuck you rotbags!! How dare you spoil my perfect day!? If I could-


    However then, a powerful yet melodious voice echoed over the cacophony of gargling beasts.


    ¡°Cover the world with child¡¯s beauty. Call Innocence and Purity. [Daisy Haven]!¡±


    From cracks in the walls and even seemingly out of thin air, a garden of daisies suddenly covered the stone of the cave.


    Prince felt his blood froze, but at the same time power surged through him, along with a blinding white light which made him look like a miniature sun. With a scream of rage and despair, he began piercing one monster after the other. Under his shining rapier, the undead were annihilated without even leaving ashes behind. And, each time one monster was obliterated, a flower flared up.


    Rapidly, the tunnel was cleared. Sweating and out-of-breath, Prince turned around. Every single one of his guildmates were looking at him with awe, like he was some vengeful god of light or something, except again for Mistletoe whose wry smirk could be seen under his hood.


    However Prince saw none of them, having eyes only for the Forest Maiden, a beautiful high elf in simple green dress standing in the middle of the disappearing garden of daisies.


    ¡°Prince!¡±


    The beauty ran up to him and looked at his body, worriedly checking for injuries. Finding none serious, she sighed in relief, a hand resting on her bountiful chest.


    ¡°Lily¡­ I though you would be gone all week-end? What pleasure brings you back so soon?¡±


    To his great pride, he managed to keep fear out of his voice.


    ¡°I just knew something was going to happen. Besides, I could not stay a full week-end without seeing you!¡±


    In a sudden fluid movement, she delicately slipped her arm around his neck, leaned forward, and gave him a short but passionate kiss. Prince knew better than not hug and kiss her back.


    Then she let go of his lips and slid to his side, clutching his right arm between her two mounds, resting her head on his shoulder, and smiling blissfully.


    ¡°You would have missed me too, right?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Right ?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡±


    Maintaining a trained poker face, Prince looked over the people present in the cave.


    Kamille was blushing heavily, but her admiring gaze was as focused on Lily as on the Guild Master, so she was probably safe. The rest of them showed an expression of respectful envy at the sight of the powerful couple¡­ again, except Mistletoe who was busy choking with silent laughter, holding himself to the wall. That guy¡¯s bad personality was probably why Lily allowed him to stick around. He enjoyed seeing Prince in trouble too much to try to separate the cousins.


    ¡°Prince¡­¡± Lily, close to his ear, murmured in a way only he could perceive. ¡°I¡¯m afraid we will have to replace the leader of team Dandelion. I crossed path with Melany on my way here. It seems she suddenly decided to quit because of family obligations. The poor girl, she even deleted her avatar. It¡¯s sad. She was such a good girl. You liked her, didn¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Me-Melany?¡± Prince gulped. ¡°I don¡¯t recall such a person. Was she one of our Team Leaders?¡±


    ¡°Yes, but it doesn¡¯t matter anymore. How tragic.¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh! And I also met a weird little thing running away earlier. Since I¡¯m not too good at fighting, I used one of those teleportation scrolls we found last month.¡±


    ¡°The random ones?¡±


    She nodded with a sheepish malicious grin.


    Oh¡­ I almost pity the rodent. He didn¡¯t seemed like a bad fellow.


    ¡°By the way Prince, what do you want to eat this evening?¡±


    ¡°Anything you cook is always the most delicious meal I can hope for.¡±


    ¡°Ooooh~ You! You know me best.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s because I love you.¡±


    Hearing this, the high elf snuggled closer with a delighted smile, and Prince screamed inwardly, feeling the Devil¡¯s shackles close back on his soul.


    ¨C *** ¨C


    Somewhere far away, on top of a mountain covered in ice and blizzard, a bony squirrel looked around in disbelief. Beside him, a black horse was frozen in place. Literally.


    Then, a shadow passed over the pair. Nutrek raised his gaze and squealed in fright. If he had had any eyes, they would have been wide in refusal of the situation.


    The huge red dragon loudly landed fifty metres away from them, the movement of its impressive wings sending a wave of snow in their direction. The little overlord immediately jumped atop Asparagus¡¯ head and in-extremis avoided being buried. The frozen stallion did not escape this fate though.


    However immediately a ring of fire materialized around them, melting the snow. No, sublimating it. The abrupt upwards current of vaporized water blasted Nutrek off his perch and he fell on the ground. He laid there, stunned and unable to react while a woman suddenly stepped down from atop the dragon.


    Her hair was a fiery orange-red and she was brazenly wearing a lose miko outfit, though she didn¡¯t look Japanese at all. Her massively exposed skin had a healthy tanned tone. Her expression was dangerous and temptress, and her lips full and red. Her eyes too were ruby, but her pupils were as slit as those of her dragon. She walked without hurry, half-naked yet unfazed by the cold gusts of wind, the air around her instead undulating under the presence of extreme heat. Each of her steps revealed the ground under her bare feet in a crackling cloud of steam.


    One could say that, for all intend and purposes, this woman was¡­ hot.


    She crossed the encircling wall of flames like it didn¡¯t even exist and crouched beside the fallen squirrel overlord.


    ¡°Hello, pet. I¡¯m Hime. You look unusual. Tell me, ever heard of Elric Walker?¡±


    ¨C ***** ¨C


    <hr />


    I was wondering. Would anyone be interested by a more serious story from me? I had this idea for a side project that would be updated like twice per month or something. Nothing too time consuming, but¡­ yeah¡­ Something I would write whenever I don¡¯t feel like cracking jokes.


    So, anyone fundamentally against me dispersing my feeble focus? I know I myself don¡¯t like when authors do several stories at once¡­ unice5656 being sort of an exception because she already writes slowly.


    Anyway, that¡¯s just a thought.


    Thank you for reading and see you next chapter for a <del>tentacle rape</del> boss battle.


    PS: I looked at Reincarnated Corpse</a> and Reincarnated as main character little sister [etc¡­]</a>. Those are nice FFs.

 V1.12 – Acid Partnership

    Chapter 12:


    Acid Partnership


    ¡°You''ve got troubles, well I''ve got ''em too.


    There isn''t anything I wouldn''t do for you.


    We stick together and we see it through.¡±


    ¨C You¡¯ve got a friend in me,


    Randy Newman


    * * * * *


    Nicolas Siegel had one problem¡­


    ¡­


    Okay, several. The guy had issues, that much was known. However his main problem was his brain. He was smart. Not the kind of smart that helped him go through life, but the kind that constantly bombarded him with ideas, made links between everything he saw, heard, smelled, felt, added sense to any little details, and led him to conclusions he couldn¡¯t always explain to himself, let alone to others, before suddenly jumping to another grandiosely unrelated matter. Usually he didn¡¯t care, and just went along with the flow of his thoughts, but sometimes it tired him.


    That was partially why he loved music so much. Music both monopolized his sense of hearing and canalized a good portion of his brainpower. Then, of course, listening to so much music had made it grow into an acquired taste, but fundamentally it was similar to an addiction to painkillers. Same thing with fantasy novels. It was extremely calming to have his mind occupied with recreating an entire world based on specific descriptions and not just on the usual stimuli he encountered in his daily life.


    For this reason, as Victoria was dragged violently down a whirlpool of souls who actively tried to drown her, surrounded only by murky whiteness and unnatural silence, blind, deaf and her mind focused on the acute pain the corrosive plasma made her go through¡­ she felt good.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Masochism] has levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Oh! Come on!


    Victoria frowned at the blue window who designated her as a pervert.


    Seriously! Aaah¡­ Interesting though. If windows still pop up, does that mean the game does not consider I¡¯m in a battle situation? Well I¡¯m not really fighting back¡­ How does it work anyway? I¡¯ve never really paid attention before. Note to self: ask Thena about it.


    Unable to swim, she had resigned herself to being carried down, which she did while maintaining her usual thinking pose and sitting cross-legged. She instead allocated a part of her mind ¨C the one that was not occupied with mitigating the pain ¨C to observing the ethereal bodies flushing past her. It was a weird feeling, being hugged ¨C *cough* unsuccessfully ripped apart *cough* ¨C by partially immaterial limbs.


    *put on imaginary glasses*


    Individually the spirits cannot touch me, but the abnormal density of souls associated with the nature of the Guardian¡¯s curse limiting their instinctive migration to the other side actually creates a singularity in the form of a spiritual distortion leading to the plasmatic condensation of ectoplasm inside the tri-dimensional physical mortal plane, in other word ¡°ectoplasma¡±, which is in its essence a viscous manifestation of the ether.  Truly fascinating. I need to weaponize it.


    Spirit science. Don¡¯t bother. Let¡¯s just say Victoria was bathing in half-gaseous semi-conscious acid.


    And I was right! Ectoplasm is corrosive, but mostly against undead. Ironic no? Well, I don¡¯t take damage because of the [Vampiric Tear] though¡­ I guess that counts as Soul Magic? Even if I still feel the pain. But despite the [Soul Defence] spell I added, I¡¯ll really need a snack later. Note to self: ask Thena about it. Next is¡­ ah¡­ right¡­ apparently I do need to breathe¡­ damned. Ah! No, don¡¯t open your mouth idiot! Even if I¡¯m immune, drinking vaguely sentient acid isn¡¯t pleasant¡­ Is it?


    ¡°Sblurp-ack!¡±


    NOOOOOOO!! It isn¡¯t! Oh god, it¡¯s sentient acid! SENTIENT ACID!! Get it out! Get it out! Aaaargh! I can¡¯t open my mouth! NO! Don¡¯t get out through there! You¡¯re immaterial! Go through the stomach! THROUGH THE STOMACH!! AAAAAAH!!  DAMN YOU MEEEEE!!! Aaaaaa¡­ I can¡¯t get married anymore¡­ That doesn¡¯t have any connection, does it? Shut up. ¡­ married ¡­ Oh! Seras! How are you? ¡­ bad ¡­ Oh! Is that a coherent answer? ¡­ married ¡­ bad ¡­ blood ¡­ kill the maid ¡­ Ah¡­ right. Bad memories. My bad. Let¡¯s skip that subject. Is that alright? ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Aaaaaand she¡¯s gone again. I swear. She¡¯s been sulky ever since we met Ambrose again. Alalala¡­ And I¡¯m still drowning aren¡¯t I?


    Yeah¡­ Victoria was smart¡­ probably.


    * * *


    Eventually, seconds before she fainted from asphyxia, stomach ache and¡­ other painful experiences, the mad dhampir suddenly felt air against her face. She inspired voraciously and opened her eyes.


    Uh-ooh...


    She was airborne.


    Before her spread a vast cave, lit up by a faint white glow without a source. Not that she needed it with her [Dark Vision]. A forest of stalactites was hanging above her head, mirroring a good number of stalagmites below. Behind her the soul river gushed out of a horizontal chasm in the wall, falling a couple dozen metres and then flowing sinuously to the other extremity of the cave, into a jaws-like opening leading to darkness. Midway through the cave, an enormous cocoon glued to a giant stalagmite was casting tendrils of woven silk at the white wailing plasma, stabbing through passing souls and snatching them back between its folds.


    Victoria took in the scene for a heartbeat, before gravity heavily reminded itself to her. Her eyes widened at the sight of the approaching torrent. She spread out her arms and desperately flapped them.


    ¡°[Metamorphosis]!¡±


    But nothing happened¡­


    Bat-magikarp?! Ah! Still daytime! How does that even matter in a cave?!


    Still falling, but with no time to try something else, Victoria quickly extended her left arm forwards and brought back the other near her abdomen, making a fist.


    ¡°TO INFINITY AND BEYouargblublublub...¡±


    Once again, she was shaken like a ragdoll by the angry ethereal tide. Blind, deaf, unable to breath and in pain, she wondered if the Guardian was going to fish her out or if she was going to be dragged all the way to the entrance of the dungeon. Reaching the shore outside would be a pain. She didn¡¯t want to trek the whole dungeon back. And climbing the cliff to jump once more into the whirlpool seemed tiring, though it would help her retrain her [Climbing] skill¡­ and [Falling] too probably.


    Her Thirst reserves probably wouldn¡¯t hold anyway. And, although she was interested in what would happen in case she became dehydra¡­ debloodated? ... blood starved, she decided it was not the moment to conduct an experiment. Recording data in the current situation would be an unprofessional mess. Even mad scientists had their work ethics! Like limiting the collateral damages to people you didn¡¯t like, or experimenting in stable environments as not to corrupt the results.


    A river of ectoplasma inside a dungeon was not eligible as a stable environment.


    She was considering the use of the spell [Air Burst] to propel herself out of the river ¨C she just needed to determine the direction of the surface ¨C when a sudden pull to her hair nearly ripped her head off. She grabbed her braid to transfer the strain from her neck to her arms and let herself be torn out of the plasma.


    Yeah! Aaaaaair!! And HAIR!! Dammit! It¡¯s precious to a girl!


    Her head hurt. She took a deep breath, caught glimpse of a copper fire and burning ambers shrouded in drakness, and then was slammed into the stone floor. Hard.


    *BAM* *crack*


    Her left shoulder shattered from the impact.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 124 HP!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Ow!¡±


    Hoy hoy¡­ That¡¯s half my health. Isn¡¯t he supposed to be bad at offense? Oh. Right. I¡¯m paper.


    ¡°WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!¡±


    Athena was beyond pissed. And even that was an understatement.


    Between the apparent betrayal from a person she had trusted, her own confused feelings for said person, the drowning that had triggered both her claustrophobia and sense of powerlessness, and the consequent loss of health of the precious avatar which was her only escape route from the world of fear she lived in ¨C and her near total lack of a sense of humour ¨C the Shieldbearer didn¡¯t get the hilariousness of being pushed towards certain death into a whirlpool of vengeful spirits. In her defence though, most people wouldn¡¯t.


    Groggy, Victoria tentatively stood up, but was immediately grabbed by the front of her leather suit and jerked towards a fulminating face. The Progenitor¡¯s Soulbound was red from anger and her glare clearly told Victoria she was about to get murdered. However the dhampir couldn¡¯t help but feel a strange prickly warmth spread throughout her body, especially in her nether regions, while the corner of her mouth nervously crept upwards.


    ¡°THE FUCK VICKY?!¡± Athena spat in her face. ¡°DO YOU ALWAYS STAB YOUR FRIENDS IN THE BACK OR IS JUST ME?!¡±


    ¡°Oh *cough* you¡¯re definitely special,¡± answered the Princess who still couldn¡¯t think straight, and thus spouted anything that crossed her mind. ¡°I never push girls into acid on the first date. And I don¡¯t have that many friends to stab anyway. Nor do I own any decent knife at the moment. *cough* I tried to stab myself once though. *cough* It was a stupid idea. Pain hurts. Did anyone ever told you that you look freaking amazing when you¡¯re angry? I think I¡¯m aroused. Or maybe it¡¯s because I¡¯m being choked by someone taller than me? *cough* A very novel experience. Can I kiss you?¡±


    That confused the hell out of the irrational killing machine, who slightly released her chocking hold.


    ¡°Wha-What the hell is WRONG with you?!!¡±


    ¡°If only I knew¡­ My mother somehow gave up on diagnosing me. Something about an overactive mind, a superiority complex, a general lack of fuck given about the world, random spikes of interest, and an inherent disregard for responsibilities, the whole mental mess being mixed with a paradoxical antisocial desire for company but not too much. I also like coke, pillows, hentais and raviolis. And hugs.¡±


    Athena shook her head, her inner computer having difficulties to process the bugged being before it. All she knew was that she felt confusingly betrayed and she didn¡¯t even understand why she was so confused about it.


    ¡°AAAH!! Fuck! I don¡¯t get your games, and I¡¯m not going to be played with. As soon as we get rid of that freaking guardian, you take me straight to Start. We get rid of that dumb class and you get the fuck out of my life!¡±


    She released Victoria, who staggered back on the ground and stared blankly at the tall woman. Athena¡¯s words had felt like an ice shower that brutally slapped Victoria¡¯s mind back on track.


    A sense of dread she couldn¡¯t explain stabbed through the Princess¡¯ chest. It was not the first time she pissed someone out of their mind with her unrepentant selfish weirdness. She never cared for those who just told her to get lost. They weren¡¯t worthy of her concern. She was right, and everyone who couldn¡¯t prove otherwise was wrong. That was her basic philosophy. So why care? But inexplicably she couldn¡¯t bear the idea of losing her Soulbound.


    ¡°Thena I-¡±


    *snap*


    For an instant Victoria thought she was about to get punched again ¨C and wasn¡¯t pleased about it for some reason ¨C but her deduction was soon invalidated by Athena yelping in surprise. Grabbed by two thick silky tendrils, the tall armoured woman was dragged backwards in direction of the immense cocoon, which on second look had an unhealthy yellowish colour.


    It resembled more to a wrapping of mummy bandages than a chrysalis in fact. And the name [Putrid Cocoon of the Soul Eater], supplied by the interface, didn¡¯t help giving it a friendlier image either.


    Incidentally, only monsters had their name given by the game. NPCs like players couldn¡¯t be so conveniently identified. It would have been a nightmare for assassins otherwise. Although it was a mystery where the game drew the line between NPCs and monsters. The goblins, for example, had been categorized as monsters, despite obviously possessing a certain level of civilisation.


    Her very recent emotional burst already erased from her short-term memory, Victoria idly pondered on the issue of species classification while Athena struggled to break free, kicking the cocoon to keep it at a distance. After a few strange yelps from the Shieldbearer, the dhampir refocused her attention on the current situation, and another unsound smile crept on her pale face.


    The monster had apparently been unable to break the [Cursed Chimera Armour] and had decided to invade through the few interstices of the plating to crush its prey. Held in the air, Athena was covered in wriggling tentacles of silk, and there probably was more to her flushed cheeks than the lingering remnants of her anger.


    Victoria unconsciously licked her fangs.


    And that¡¯s why I always have been a fan of the Himekishi series¡­


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Skill:


    Sadism


    (Passive)


    The despicable aroused delight you feel in witnessing the sufferings of others has reflected on your own ability to cause pain and on the inner workings of your depraved mind.


    This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    Level: Beginner 1


    Effect:


    - Your attacks will cause 1% more pain.


    - Inflicting pain to others may relieve you from negative mental statuses such as [Confusion] or [Fear]. Efficiency depends on the comparative levels of the status and the pain inflicted. Ratio will increase with level.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Hey! Seriously¡­ Still not in a fight? Oh, right. Not a party.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    New Title: For having unlocked both the skills [Masochism] and [Sadism], you have been granted the title [Perverted Psycho]! Your sick mind protects you from external influences: +5% resistance to negative mental statuses. When equipped, like-minded NPCs will be better disposed towards you while those possessing the most basic moral decency will scorn you.


    <hr />


    - Do you wish to equip the title? -


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    What? No!! ¡­ Does that mean I lack the most basic decency? What am I to the AI of this game? An orc? That reminds me, I should check the effect of that [Immoral Exiled Princess] title. I completely forgot about that. I guess I was pissed off about losing the [Suspicious Candyman] title back then. And I think-


    ¡°OH!! VICKY! A little help?!¡±


    Ah, right.


    Victoria dismissed the windows and took another look at the tall woman, who was almost entirely covered in mummy bandages and blushing heavily. From the dhampir¡¯s perspective, her reddish tone harmoniously combined with her eyes and hair colour, as well as the murderous glare Athena was directing towards her.


    ¡°Aaaah¡­ I don¡¯t know¡­ Say ¡®please¡¯?¡± she responded teasingly.


    Athena wasn¡¯t in the mood.


    ¡°WHAT?! This is your fault in the first place! YOU BACKSTABBING BITCH!!! GET YOUR FUCKING BUTT OVER HERE AND FREE ME FROM THIS CHEAP PORN FREAK!! IF I DIE HERE, I PROMISE TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND PERSONALLY SQUASH YOUR SICK BRAIN!! YOU FREAKING CUNT!!!¡±


    ¡°¡­wow.¡±


    She really is pissed isn¡¯t she? Though her insults lack originality as usual. It¡¯s so her. Efficient to a fault.


    Victoria was starting to get worried¡­ about herself, because she was grinning again.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Masochism] has levelled up!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    HOY!! No matter how you put it, it¡¯s ludicrously too soon!


    She was pissed too now.


    ¡°VICKY!!¡±


    ¡°Oh, for fudge¡¯s sake!¡±


    The Progenitor created two large and thin throwing stars out of her hairpiece, which had been made of highly condensed blood. Then with a mind impulse threw her weapons towards the bounded Shieldbearer, increasing the rotation speed as they flew. Under the dhampir¡¯s fine control, the two airborne circular saws severed the silken tentacles.


    Athena fell on the ground with her usual unexpected grace. She immediately began to retreat, running backwards, facing her opponent and simultaneously pulling the sticky threads out of her armour. Victoria shielded her escape by severing any approaching tendril while keeping an eye out in case the monster decided to attack her too.


    When her Soulbound was back next to her, the Progenitor gave her a wry smile.


    ¡°You backstabbing bitch? You sure know how to talk to a bloodsucking maiden, Thena.¡±


    ¡°Oh, please,¡± Athena growled. ¡°If you¡¯re a maiden, then I¡¯m a horse. And don¡¯t think our earlier conversation has ended.¡±


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t dream of it. Although please keep in mind that if I really had wanted to kill you, I had far easier ways to go about it. After all you were sleeping in the room next to the one where I was playing with poisons for nearly four days.¡±


    Athena gave her an annoyed glance, but didn¡¯t comment.


    ¡°Also keep in mind that I¡¯m quite new to this whole team thing. I¡¯m used to doing my own shtick alone, so sorry if I wronged you. I¡¯ll try to behave. Please. I really don¡¯t want you to leave me.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Victoria was sincere, although again just stating her thoughts on the first degree, without second meanings. The dhampir wasn¡¯t used to put her feelings into question, and the reluctance she felt to let the tall woman go away was something she had never experienced with human beings. She had her hypothesises, but exploring their implications would have to wait.


    Her words reached Athena however, and the Shieldbearer took a deep breath to calm herself.


    ¡°Okay. I guess I also went too far. Sorry. It¡¯s not like I was really hurt after all.¡±


    ¡°Well, I had factored in your toughness, probable passive skills and newly acquired resistance to soul magic.¡±


    ¡°Oh? So you didn¡¯t just act on impulse?¡±


    ¡°Yeees? No? Eeeeh¡­ My mind mostly does the calculations subconsciously. I trust my instinct. I get people find me weird, but my actions always make sense.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­from my point of view.¡±


    ¡°¡­right. Sorry, I shouldn¡¯t have said I¡¯d hunt you down and kill you.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t sweat it. It was pretty hot. Besides, you¡¯re not the first woman to tell me that.¡±


    That got the grinning Princess a perplexed glance. She looked back at Athena and her smile broadened maliciously.


    ¡°I know weird people.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll trust you on that.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯d be surprised.¡±


    ¡°Probably¡­¡± Athena sighed, finally as calm as she could be. ¡°Now, how do we deal with this guy?¡±


    Both girls back turned towards the [Putrid Cocoon of the Soul-Eater]. During the conversation, Victoria had kept hindering the monster with her ninja blood telekinesis. There was now a moderate-sized pile of silk on the cave floor. Her broken shoulder annoyed her a little, but she was confident she could guilt Athena into bareback feeding later, so she didn¡¯t mind.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t temper with the hairpiece too much, so the magical potency of the blood should be high. But maintaining both the 3D movement and the rotation probably exhaust mana faster, so I guess I can maintain the barrage for ten minutes? Eight now. My HPs are halved, but I don¡¯t think I could endure a hit even at full life. I¡¯ll need a drink soon too.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll say it again: your plan, if I can even call it that, was utterly stupid.¡±


    ¡°Stupidity is my only redeeming quality. And we¡¯re here, aren¡¯t we?¡±


    Athena nodded. Not complaining further about things that couldn¡¯t be changed, she started to analyse the situation. Her own health was at sixty-four percent. While trying to break free, she had determined the exact resistance of the enemy¡¯s threads and confirmed the main ¡°body¡± couldn¡¯t move on its own.


    She also had had Victoria detail each of her skills during their long and boring trip through Nowhere, so she knew how to include the dhampir in her strategy. Athena had also offered to explain her own abilities, in the spirit of fairness, but the dhampir had waved her off, claiming she would forget anyway.


    Seriously, that girl¡­


    Despite her earlier statements induced by anger, Athena doubted she would have thrown away her relationship with the pale dhampir. Feelings aside, such cooperative partners were almost impossible to find outside of one¡¯s circle of close friends. Most adventurers jealously guarded the secrets of their powers and the Shieldbeared couldn¡¯t tell if Victoria was overly trusting, careless, or just so sure of herself that she believed she could overpower even an opponent who knew all her strengths and weaknesses.


    Of course, the rational adventuress had no clue all three of those possibilities were actually true. Victoria unquestionably put her trust into her Soulbound, simply because she was too lazy to doubt her friends and hated to complicate relationships. She was also baselessly overconfident in her superiority over the majority of the Creation. And in general she didn¡¯t give a fuck.


    And, as usual, the Princess didn¡¯t plan anything. She would normally already have rushed in. However this time she had a partner who was more than willing to play the role of strategist, so she just stayed silent and kept stalling the boss while Athena thought things out. As opposite as their personalities might have been, the two were oddly compatible and complementary.


    The Shieldbearer didn¡¯t take too long.


    ¡°Can you throw a [Fireball] to check something?¡±


    ¡°Make sense. Here my command fire mighty. Form a sphere which burns my enemy. [Fireball].¡±


    She raised her right hand and casted the spell. Her blood saws only slowed down slightly as she focused part of her brain on the incantation and aim. The fiery projectile jumped forwards, colliding with one of the tentacles. However it dispersed without causing any damage.


    ¡°Tch. Would have been too easy if it just caught fire.¡±


    ¡°Yes. It was covered with some kind of corrosive viscous substance. I thought it might be fireproof, but it would have been stupid not to make sure.¡±


    ¡°Mutated ectoplasma I suppose. And yes, pretty stupid.¡±


    Victoria tried not to remember the countless foes Elric had faced with great difficulties just because he had forgotten to check such basic weaknesses.


    Athena continued: ¡°Okay. As far as I can tell, this one is not very versatile, but it is extremely resistant. His tendrils are efficient in both attack and defence. There¡¯s a mouth in there. I saw it when it tried to eat me. I¡¯ve memorised the speed and overall movement pattern, so I¡¯ll just rush in. You keep cutting those hentai tentacles and open a path. Once I¡¯m in contact, I¡¯ll force open the slit were the mouth is and you¡¯ll try to finish it. Do you have confidence in your accuracy?¡±


    ¡°Your knowledge in animes is abyssal, yet you so casually reference hentais and tentacles¡­ I¡¯m amazed.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Athena averted her gaze. *cough* ¡°Please stay focused.¡±


    ¡°Su~ure. Hahaha. Feel free to ask me for good titles. Though I must confess my tastes are pretty hardcore... Anyway, yes, my accuracy shouldn¡¯t be a problem. The power of [Lightning Strike] might be too low though, so I¡¯ll first launch a blood spike instead. But you¡¯ll be left without cover for a short while if we fail to kill it.¡±


    ¡°If the first assault fail, I¡¯ll just retreat while it¡¯s stunned from the attack and we¡¯ll repeat with another finishing move. You¡¯ve quite a lot of those.¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. Leave it to me, Boss,¡± Victoria said with a predatory grin.


    A pleasant shiver rushed down Athena¡¯s spine at being called ¡°Boss¡±, especially since she knew the dhampir meant it. It surprised her how easily she accepted compliments from Victoria despite the fact she usually was so single-minded about her own worthlessness. Athena thought it probably was because she knew her friend would not hesitate to openly insult her if she ever felt the need to. Victoria¡¯s insensitive honesty was actually very appeasing for someone who had spent her life surrounded by people trying to patch up her collapsing self-esteem with half-truths and caring lies.


    With one of her own unconscious half-smiles, the Shielbearer focused her mind on the [Corrupted Cocoon of the Soul-Eater], sinking into this ocean of icy calm she could only attain when meticulously executing her planned actions. Next to her, the Bloodsoul Mage, grinning with madness, loosened the last shreds of self-control she usually maintained and let her mind devour every information it could absorb to fuel her instincts.


    Followed by Victoria¡¯s insane laughter, Athena charged. She didn¡¯t bother evading the attacks, trusting her lunatic partner to have her back. That probably also marked her as a deranged person, but she didn¡¯t care for once. She ran with all her power and soon reached the direct vicinity of the cocoon. She reached out.


    However, right as her hands were closed in on the monster¡¯s mouth, a large vertical tear appeared in the outer layer of bandages and a blinding light burned her eyes.


    The Progenitor stopped laughing when she saw her Soulbound fly backwards and crash into a nearby stalagmite. She blinked, then quickly turned back towards the boss. Just in time to witness another condensed flash bolting in her direction.


    ¡°HESA FIRIN HIS LAZOR!!¡±


    Forsaking all defence, the fearsome Vampire Queen bravely ducked with all her might.


    * * * * *


    <hr />


    Poor Thena. Good resolutions are one thing, but putting them into application is something else¡­ That¡¯s why I stopped with good resolutions. Thankfully, it was easier to get away from that than from my addiction to coke¡­ the soda one... I don¡¯t need no drugs to see rainbows in my raviolis!


    Here¡¯s a nice song to get rid of your worries too:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    And I posted a prologue to my second fiction: The Sky at Dawn</a>. It¡¯s a hero summoning kind of story¡­ kinda¡­ Or is it reincarnation? Well¡­ I¡¯m not sure myself. It¡¯s serious though. Deadly serious¡­ as much as me can do. Mmmmh¡­ I¡¯d say it is first person narration with multiple PoVs and some are more serious than others. Yeah. Let¡¯s go with that. Serious. I can do serious¡­ I should be able to¡­ Am I?


    Anyway, thank you for reading ¨C maybe double</a> thank you? ¨C and see you next chapter(s).

 V1.13 – Schmetterling

    Chapter 12:


    Schmetterling


    ¡°I''m a beautiful butterfly.¡±


    ¨C Heimlich, A Bug¡¯s Life


    * * * * *


    *BAAAAM*


    ¡°? There''s a calm surrender¡­ ? to the rush of day¡­¡± <1>


    *RUMBLE*


    ¡°When the heat ? of a rolling wind can be turned away¡­ ?¡±


    *ZWEEEEEEE*


    ¡°? An enchanted moment, ? and it sees me through. ?¡±


    ¡°HOLLY SHIT!?! THAT¡¯S A BEAM!!¡±


    ¡°WHAT?!¡±


    ¡°? It''s enough for this restless warrior ? just to be with youuuuuu~¡±


    ¡°Where¡¯s Captain Lobe?! Doug?¡±


    ¡°Fueee¡­¡±


    ¡°OTHER DOUG!!¡±


    ¡°In the fucking kennel, Sir!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a WOMAN!! And WHO PUT HIM THERE?!¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡±


    ¡°Aaaand ? CAAAAAAAAN yoooooou FEEEEEEEEEL ? the LOOOOOOVE tooo-¡±


    ¡°ADMIRAL BONKERS!!!¡±


    ¡°-night¡­ What? A problem Little Hypo?¡±


    ¡°YE- *cough* With¡­ all due respect, ¡­Sir, what the fuck are you doing? We¡¯re kind of in a crisis here.¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t we always?¡±


    ¡°¡­ Yeah¡­ Well¡­ That¡¯s not wrong¡­ But¡­¡±


    ¡°Never mind the lasers. It¡¯s a game anyway. Try to keep the difference in mind! We¡¯re the mind, so we better do it¡­ We don¡¯t actually risk anything in here. Just chill out and DUUUCK!! HAHAHAHA!!¡±


    *keyboard sounds*


    ¡°And Enter. HAHAHAHA!! That was close. See? Easy. More importantly, who the hell let Thyroid temper with Mnemo so much while I was away? The database is all corrupted. I was trying to cross-reference past useless girlfriends with that cute Lady Eva SLASH Athena, to see if the feeling we were experiencing was actually love or just psychotic obsession¡­ or both¡­ Nice cocktail by the way. And how can anyone take seriously a word that¡¯s written ¡®cock¡¯ plus ¡®tail¡¯? Seriously! *sigh* Where was I? Ah. Yes, the database! I searched, but all I can get are blurry faces! Not even the names remained. Even Jenny¡¯s data ¨C for all uninteresting it was ¨C is starting to fade away. Thanks Coke, Yasmin was hardcoded in the childhood section. ¡±


    ¡°It was Lob- I mean, Captain Lobe¡¯s orders. To avoid getting depressed.¡±


    ¡°Well, conflatulations! It worked! But now the memory is beyond fucked up!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t believe it¡¯s that bad¡­¡±


    ¡°MNEMO!! Come here girl.¡±


    ¡°Wohohohohoooo!! Ye-e-e-eees~ Jii-san?¡±


    ¡°How do you feel lately?¡±


    ¡°THANKS FOR ASKING!! In fact, I feel EX-EX-EX-CEL-LENT!! HAHAHAHAHA!! Donald finally completed the new cookie launcher. Today we finally get rid of those heathen penguin-mongooses!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°See? She got the wrong duck. That¡¯s what happens when you do half-assed crazy. You break down. For Mary Poppins¡¯ sake. You kids are morons. *sigh* At least she¡¯s happy.¡±


    ¡°Whoohoohoohoohoohoooo!! Nice birdy.¡±


    ¡°No sweetbrain. That¡¯s a butterfly¡­ I think¡­ Damn, it¡¯s a big one. I¡¯ll need to get to the central control for this one.¡±


    *taptaptaptap*


    ¡°Cereb, you fat geek! Get the hell out of that sofa and give me the gamepad. We¡¯re in for a rodeo. You¡¯re usual half-assed psychomotricity won¡¯t cut it.¡±


    ¡°No prob Old Man¡­ Though I¡¯ll protest that I¡¯m way better in-game! It¡¯s just the parameters of reality that are all wrong and- Ah! There¡¯s another beam coming.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ No time to evade, is it?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°One-shot?¡±


    ¡°Most likely.¡±


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m unanimous¡­ We¡¯re fucked. Hypo, you may panic now.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Admiral. Would you join me?¡±


    ¡°With pleasure. Dougs!¡±


    ¡°¡°SIR?¡±¡±


    ¡°Do it right!¡±


    ¡°¡°YES SIR!!¡±¡±


    *everybody runs around arms flapping in the air*


    ¡°¡°¡°¡°HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA¡­¡±¡±¡±¡±¡±


    * * *


    ¡­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Who the hell is screaming in my head? And¡­ eeeeeeeew¡­ That thing¡¯s gross.


    A second horizontal pillar of wailing greenish white light bolted towards Victoria, who was laying prone on the ground after evading the first. In between the two aggressive flashes, she had caught glimpse of the creature which was dragging itself out of the opened [Putrid Cocoon of the Soul-Eater].


    It vaguely looked like a brown-grey decaying butterfly. Its body was fat, hairy and sluggish. Its wings were a dull dirty grey, twitching uselessly on the ground. A thick viscous sap-like substance was covering the monster. Where its proboscis ¨C the trunk thingy ¨C should have been, a large lipless mouth opened, drooling puke and filled with fangs which gruesomely removed the ¡°ta¡± from ¡°nectarophagous¡±. Although said mouth wasn¡¯t about to eat any corpse, occupied it was by spitting lasers like a hyperactive stormtrooper¡¯s raygun.


    Helpful as always, the log readily mentioned the thing was called [Stillborn Corrupted Moth ¡°Monarch¡±]. Another lovely name.


    Unable to act in time to save her own life, Victoria could only stare blankly at the incoming laser.


    Why did I refuse to learn the voiceless incantation skill? ¡°Chanting is far too epic¡± probably was not a valid reason. And A MONARCH IS NOT A MOTH!! Go home World, you¡¯re drunk.


    She believed this indignant retort was going to be her last thought. However right before the attack made contact, a strong husky voice echoed in the cave.


    ¡°[Castling]!¡±


    Shadows briefly filled Victoria¡¯s vision and she was overcome by the weird sensation of falling upwards. Suddenly, she was next to a broken stalagmite ¨C indented with the shape of a human silhouette ¨C and staring at the place where she was laying an instant before. Except there now stood a tall armoured woman receiving a laser beam twice her size with her raised shield.


    Victoria recognised the name of the skill as a chess move she had practise over and over again while dying from boredom in her tower. <2>


    So I¡¯m the king and she¡¯s the rook? Of course I know that. Don¡¯t underestimate the power of an intermediate [Chess Mastery] skill!! Wuuhahahahahahaha!! Wait¡­ Since when does she have that skill?


    [Castling] enabled the Soulbound to switch place with the Progenitor in short range. Athena had tried to explain it to Victoria, but failed miserably. Not because she wasn¡¯t good at explaining, but the recipient of the teaching had been slightly inattentive.


    The thundering bright laser parted on both sides of Athena like a wave on a breakwater. With her black armour oozing darkness, she looked pretty awesome, like a demon knight fighting the overwhelming power of the Holy Hero of Slightly Green Light.


    Wait¡­ Does that make me the Demon King? Or Queen? And wasn¡¯t she supposed to be a rook? I¡¯m lost.


    While the fallen mage pondered on the ground, the Shielbearer herself was slowly pushed backwards, her feet leaving trails in the stone floor. However this time she was prepared and was not sent flying. Athena was in fact extremely pissed of having been tossed like a clueless idiot ¨C though admittedly it would be shorter to make a list of things that did not piss her off ¨C and she drew in her anger to anchor herself in place.


    A mane of copper hair was flowing wildly behind the tall woman. Her muscles were tensed and her face fierce and concentrated. Aside from decupling her anger, being tossed through the cave and smashing into rock upon landing hadn¡¯t manage to dissipate her state of calm-mindedness. She was used to taking blows and only death would break her concentration ¨C her opponent¡¯s preferably.


    Seeing Athena¡¯s air of cold calculating anger sent shivers down Victoria¡¯s spine. She also wiped some drool on the side of her mouth.


    Yet, it¡¯s strange that light can have such a physical impact. Is it about concentration? Heat and gaseous displacement of the atmosphere into a physical force? Photons are stupid that way. What kind of particles sometimes act like¡­ well¡­ particles and sometimes like immaterial waves?! Stop confusing people, Light! Are you material? Are you not? Decide!! Magic fucks up my guesses anyway¡­ And why am I attempting to scientifically theorise a laser beam shot by an elephant-sized undead moth?!


    Still, that girl looks freaking cool like that. Ah! Screenshot. Screenshot¡­ And into the <Athena¡¯s awesome> folder. Good. I need more of these. Maybe I should ask Lautrek to make me a few paintings to hang in my bedroom¡­ Would that be too conspicuous? Yeah. An undead giveaway. Although I don¡¯t plan on inviting Eva in my bedroom any time soon. I still value my life. I¡¯d much rather see hers¡­ Am I turning into a stalker? Nah. That¡¯s just sampling data for the SDRP, the Shrew Domestication and Rehabilitation Project.


    Although why do I care exactly? Mmmmh¡­ Pertinent interrogation. Do I love Eva? What¡¯s love anyway? I can¡¯t remember ever taking the initiative¡­ except that one time I was drunk off my ass¡­ It¡¯s confusing how alcohol shuts down my filters. Eh? Actually, it¡¯s even more confusing to notice that I still have filters¡­


    Anyway, let¡¯s be objective here. Can I be objective? Let¡¯s pretend I do. So¡­ One, I don¡¯t want her to leave me. Two, I feel compelled to deal with her issues although it has nothing to do with me. Three, every single one of her expressions are just so cute and fun to watch, from creepy smile to crying despair. Although my favourite is her serious face. I can¡¯t do that. I just look annoyed when I try. Eeeeh¡­ Four, she likes music. That¡¯s a thing. Five, I think I¡¯m kind of into muscular women.


    True, Eva¡¯s not Athena when it comes to physical features, but I had enough first-punch experiences to know she must still pack quite the fit body under that turtleneck of hers. Oh god, I soooo must dress her in Mikasa cosplay¡­ But let¡¯s not get ahead of oursel-


    Wait¡­ If none of my previous girlfriends felt right and I¡¯m suddenly developing a taste for manly girls¡­ Does that mean I was gay all along and am trying to lie to myself?


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Hahaha¡­ Ha¡­ Haha¡­ Huhuhuhuhuhuhu¡­


    In her own little mental world, a laughing Victoria tied up a pleading thought to an execution post, then kage bunshined herself, each of her clone holding a different gun / flamethrower / tank / A-bomb / Death Star, and meticulously annihilated, with the utmost mercilessness, the ridiculous idea that had  just popped up in her head. Years of deliberate madness had taught her that her mind was an extremely fertile land for all kinds of passing thoughts. If kept unchecked, the weirdest things would take root and blossom into even absurder concepts.


    She rarely took action against such weeds, but some needed to be nipped in the bud. ¡°She¡± already had enough problems dealing with the sensations of her virtual body ¨C some designer had apparently be very thorough in rendering the hormonal responses of avatars ¨C and her newfound possible feelings, and her usual issues, without beginning to question her sexuality right now.


    Although since I am a girl here¡­ Would being gay be the normal course of action? ¡­ Huhuhuhu¡­ Burn heretic.


    Chibi Vicky-tan was still in the process of scattering the ashes of her aborted homosexuality in the grand ocean of forgetfulness, while riding a black jet ski with horns and shooting lasers from her nostrils for added manliness, when a hand grabbed her by the collar and yanked her up from the ground. Her left shoulder grumpily protested. She looked up and saw a slightly charred Athena dragging her away.


    The tall Shielbearer, carrying her conjecturing burden, jumped behind a particularly large stalagmite, just in time for another laser to blast through the space they had been a heartbeat before. The attack pulverised smaller rocks on its way, only stopping when it hit the wall of the cave.


    With a sigh of relief, Athena took a look at her Health bar. She still had forty-two percent of her HP. She slightly shivered at the level of strength of this boss. The reason why even hardcore tank players avoided the Shieldbearer class was that almost all its skills were passives. The avatar would be as indestructible as possible, but there were barely no special moves or techniques that could be automatically executed. Everything came down to the player¡¯s own ability to handle themselves. And understandably most modern humans were either not able to or not willing to go down the extra-hard way inside a game.


    For those lasers to damage Athena to this extend without breaking through her armour, their potency had to be tremendous. Honestly, the Soulbound wasn¡¯t sure how to deal with that level of power. Remembering Victoria was supposed to be an experienced explorer, she turned around towards the mighty Progenitor, and felt a ripple of annoyance in her ocean of calmness at the sight of the pale girl idly contemplating the stalactites above, back resting against their natural rocky shield and hands folded behind her head like a paragon of leisure.


    ¡°Vicky, snap out of whatever you''re thinking and focus for two seconds!¡±


    ¡°Ah?¡± The mage jerked up. ¡°But I''m focused.¡±


    ¡°Don''t lie. You''ve been staring blankly at the ceiling since a while ago.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Haha. What? Me? Nooooooo¡­¡±


    ¡°Vicky...¡±


    ¡°Alright alright. I''m focused.¡±


    ¡°Okay. What do we do? That rock won''t hold for long.¡±


    As if to highlight Athena¡¯s statement, another laser collided with the stalagmite shielding them and a loud cracking sound echoed through the cave.


    ¡°Ohoh. Indeed¡­ Eeeeh¡­ I don''t know? Didn''t we agree you''d be the one coming up with plans?¡±


    ¡°I need data to come up with plans. Normally you''d gather intel before challenging a dungeon. Or at least get a feel of the type of mob before you get to the boss. But we just... *sigh* I...¡± She looked away with a shameful frown. ¡°I''m bad at improvising.¡±


    Victoria nodded mercilessly.


    ¡°Yeah. I noticed. For someone that smart, you cruelly lack imagination. No biggy. That''s my forte. Trying to put it to good use is another issue.¡± Like right now, my mind is stuck with imagining you in underwear slaying titans. Both Athena and Eva. Ah. Shit, now I got them mix up... God. That doesn''t even look human anymore. Ah! Focus. ¡°As for planning and type of mob, in this kingdom, one word: undead.¡±


    Another loud blast shook their hiding spot.


    ¡°Undead with lasers...¡± she added with an ironic smile.


    ¡°That doesn''t help. We don''t have any light mage.¡± Athena shook her head.


    ¡°Yeah... I technically still have the affinity, but I fried myself every time I tried to relearn a spell. Nor do we have any physical damage dealer... or a healer. This party thing is really complicated. Dividing the roles like that. I somehow miss my old avatar now.¡±


    ¡°You were some kind of all-rounder?¡±


    Athena was trying her hardest not to get swept in Victoria¡¯s zero-fuck-given pace, but that skill was a working progress and she couldn¡¯t resist asking.


    ¡°Maybe? People used to say I was just overcheat.¡±


    ¡°...¡±


    ¡°HEY! I worked hard to get there! Aaaah... All those skills...¡±


    ¡°Vicky. Focus.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Right. So...¡±


    Victoria leaned to the side and peeked at the disgusting giant moth slowly making its way towards them. Very slowly. Well, speed wasn¡¯t exactly a known undead feature. And this one looked particularly unhealthy, even by corpses¡¯ standards. Another laser forced the dhampir to duck back into hiding. Based on her baseless estimations, their improvised shelter could still endure at least four attacks.


    There was a short silence while Victoria pondered about a workable strategy. Athena though, not at all trusting her friend¡¯s mind to stay on track, begun asking questions to fill her own lacking database.


    ¡°Why is that guy so strong anyway? The level of the mobs outside doesn¡¯t match the difficulty of the boss.¡±


    Victoria tried to give a short answer for once, as she was vaguely conscious of the urgency of the situation ¨C which was not ideal for a detailed lesson on monster behavioural pattern and evolution.


    The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°Ah? Well the level of the area doesn¡¯t always match the level of the dungeon. But I guess here¡¯s just the usual DP.¡±


    However, the former Deep Explorer had forgotten a little detail.


    ¡°The what?¡±


    ¡°Development Process¡­ Oh, right. You¡¯re a safy.¡±


    ¡°A what?¡±


    ¡°Categories: safies, borderers and deep-exp¡¯s.¡±


    ¡°Oh. I didn¡¯t know about that.¡±


    ¡°Well, only we call you ¡®safies¡¯. That¡¯s almost the whole player base, so giving them name besides adventurer would be weird from your perspective. Like muggles don¡¯t call themselves that.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°¡­ I¡¯ll email you a list of films and anime. Watch it.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t see why I should.¡±


    Her sister had often tried to trick Eva into watching all sorts of shows. She had better things to do, so she always refused.


    ¡°Because it pisses me off when you don¡¯t get my references. I consider myself fairly intelligent and I don¡¯t like feeling stupid, which I do whenever my jokes fall flat. That¡¯s irritating. I can¡¯t correct your handicapped sense of humour just yet, but I can at least do something about your pitiable basics.¡±


    ¡°Hey!!¡±


    ¡°What? Do you feel good not getting half of what I say? Well I can still stop talking to you¡­¡±


    Athena frowned.


    That¡¯s blackmailing.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± Victoria said with a wide grin. ¡°I take pride in my underhandedness.¡±


    ¡°Ha? How did you know what I was thinking?¡±


    ¡°Huhuhuhuhu¡­ I¡¯m used to noticing when people think bad of me.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I¡¯ll elect not to comment.¡±


    ¡°Please do.¡±


    ¡°Alright, sen-¡±


    *BAAAAAAM*


    Victoria shoot a glance from behind their slowly breaking shield.


    ¡°Ah. Butterfreak is getting closer.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Is that a reference too?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. Anyway. So, long story short, DP refers to the way monsters naturally behave. Respawning actually only occurs when the number of monsters in a designated area drops under a programmed minimum. I suppose it¡¯s for smooth working of the game. It¡¯s one of the small breaches in realism the designers had to implement, like the inventory. Anyway, aside from overhunted zones, monsters that can do so will reproduce naturally. And as long as nobody kills them, they will grow stronger by a natural process of fighting for survival amongst themselves or against other monsters.


    That also explains the difficulty level of the Wild. In the Safe Zone, every area and dungeon is more or less well-documented and are regularly swept clean. That keeps the monsters close to their respawn level and limits their numbers. In the Wild, however, you can easily come across a [Common Rat] that somehow licked the blood of a dragon and gained enough power to kill a wyvern on its own.¡±


    Athena nodded in understanding.


    ¡°So you mean that boss has been accumulating power for hundreds of years and, if we kill it, the next ones to clear the dungeon will have an easier time with the respawned version?¡±


    ¡°Yep. That¡¯s the principle of what guilds like [Horizon] have been doing to clean the Front Line. But the next ones would get less EXP too, I guess. Ah. And I feel like this slimy insect is a one-time event. Probably the purified Guardian will replaced it after respawning. Or nothing. Or something else entirely. I can¡¯t be sure.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re surprisingly well informed.¡±


    ¡°Hey. Who do you think I am? I might act silly ¨C correction, I live to act silly ¨C but my kicks come from gathering new interesting thingies and infos. Hahaha. It¡¯s not for nothing I am called the Kno- *cough* I mean. Yeah. I like interesting things.¡±


    Another loud blast crashed behind them, half-covering Victoria¡¯s slip up. Both tensed, ready to bolt, however the stalagmite held despite losing a good chunk at its top. Athena glanced at the approaching boss, deduced accurately that they still had some leeway for strategizing, but a thought she couldn¡¯t repress took precedence.


    ¡°Vicky?¡±


    ¡°Mmmh?¡±


    ¡°Does that mean you¡¯ll go back to treasure hunting after that?¡±


    ¡°If you want.¡±


    ¡°¡­Eh?¡±


    ¡°Told you. You decide what we do. You¡¯ve got the strength for Wild trekking anyway, so you¡¯d be okay. You lack a bit in terms of adaptability to unknown situations, but what am I there for? I¡¯m not leaving you.¡±


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡± Athena felt moistures on the corner of her eyes.


    ¡°Oh, please, don¡¯t get all emotional on me. It¡¯s for my own entertainment too. Again, like I told you, I dig interesting things. And you, you¡¯re the most interesting guinea pig I found in years!¡±


    The Shielbearer¡¯s heart was crushed by bewilderment. ¡°WHA-¡±


    ¡°¡­aside from myself of course. Hahaha. I am my own greatest experiment! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.¡±


    A loud resigned sigh escaped Athena¡¯s lips as she massaged her forehead.


    Right. She¡¯s that kind of girl. I bet she didn¡¯t even thought of ¡°guinea pig¡± as insulting. From someone with so little human empathy, I suppose being called the most interesting thing she encountered in years is probably the greatest compliment someone like me can hope for.


    Years of therapy had somehow given Eva a general grasp on psychology. Although she rarely had the occasion to use it, given she preferred to avoid new encounters. The dhampir had massively thrown her off at first, but after travelling together for some time, she had come to accept that Victoria was paradoxically very constant in her randomness. This knowledge did not help predicting her actions, but at least it helped understanding the twisted logic that commended them.


    If she had to describe the Princess in a few words, she would have called her a carefree sociopath with obsessive tendencies and a strong desire to be acknowledged. It actually justified why Victoria always acted so exuberantly while disregarding both her safety and that of others.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Eh? Now that I think of it¡­ Isn¡¯t she a very dangerous person to be around?


    The thought puzzled Athena for a moment ¨C enough that she barely registered their shelter splitting in half ¨C then she shook it off. Yes, Victoria was probably dangerous, she concluded, but in the same way a pit-bull could be. The pale girl functioned on a different set of values than normal humans, but if she was regularly praised and given treats, she would behave. Besides, Athena found pit-bulls sort of cute. She had thought of getting one, but their neighbour¡¯s cousin had been giving a baby Rottweiler away back then, so her plan had changed.


    Yeah. She¡¯s a bit like an unstable pet¡­ Uh?


    The tall woman with self-esteem issues felt something stir inside her, as if she was about to reach some kind of world-shaking truth.


    Unfortunately, the actual world shook at that moment, snapping her back to the present and aborting her epiphany.


    She wanted to slap herself for getting so distracted in the middle of a fight, but she had no time for this, as their improvised rock shield suddenly crumbled under another violent beam. She grabbed the dhampir who was reaching out to her like a child beckoning her mother to pick her up. In fact, Athena guessed that was probably the impression Victoria was going for, judging by her usual shifty half-grin that was on the brink of exploding into a full-blown laughter.


    Athena looked around, searching for shelter, but found nothing in their close vicinity that would be able to hold for more than a single hit. She ducked under a rocky edge, still carrying her friend, then continued running even as the stone shattered a few steps behind her.


    ¡°Vicky, if you¡¯re feeling like having one of your crazy ideas, now would be a good time,¡± she growled between her teeth, trying not to let slip how much she hated fleeing, and not really succeeding.


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s actually not that complicated. You know how I said safies were used to textbook monsters?¡±


    ¡°Yeees?¡± she replied impatiently while raising her shield to block a flying debris.


    Thankfully, Monarch was slow, so there was no risk of the creature catching up to them, but what good did that do while they were trapped in a cave with a monster shooting lasers all over the place? The only exit available was the dungeon itself. However, first, the boss stood between them and the entrance, and second, running away wasn¡¯t an option Athena wanted to consider. As for Victoria, the thought didn¡¯t even exist in her mind.


    ¡°Well, Thena dearest, it¡¯s the same for everything. Everyone plays UT too much like a classic game. Player¡¯s abilities versus monster abilities in pre-set environments offering a definite number of ways to victory. But this is reality too, though a virtual one. There are no ¡®definite numbers of way¡¯. There-¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t you be a tad more concise?!¡±


    ¡°Spoilsport¡­¡±


    ¡°VICKY!!¡±


    ¡°Alright. Do you think those stalagmites shattered because some battle scenario dictates that you have a limited amount of time they can be used? It¡¯s not. It¡¯s just a stone being hit by a beam. Look. I suck at explaining. But shift your perspective for an instant and forget this is a game. And also jump.¡±


    ¡°Wha- OH!!¡±


    Athena launched herself in the air, avoiding by a hairsbreadth to fall into a narrow pit, and then continued her zig-zagging race amongst the shattering stones. Unconcerned, Victoria continued to hang form her left arm, Koala style, and lecture her on the mystical ways of the Deep Explorers.


    ¡°This is not just a game, but a reality. Everything you see is at your disposal, not only what seems obviously there to be used. And certainly not only your skills and spells. You get it?¡±


    ¡°NO!!¡±


    ¡°Damn. Just look at the freaking ceiling!¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s with the ceiling?! There are only stalactites ther¡­ Oh.¡±


    ¡°Yep. See. Told you. Smart girl.¡±


    Above them, mirroring what the ground level used to be before turning into a field of ruins, a forest of sharp stone spears hung, like a deadly petrified rain.


    ¡°Now turn slightly to the left. Yes there. See that big bad pointy thing a couple steps away from our trigger-happy friend? Got the idea?¡±


    ¡°Did you plan that from the start?¡±


    Athena looked bewildered at the dhampir who pretended to sleep while clutching her arm. Did she actually predict their initial approach would fail and only went along to teach the less experienced Shieldbearer how to deal with unexpected situations? As Athena was entertaining such thoughts, Victoria cheerfully shot down her delusions.


    ¡°Nope. Just got the idea. Told you I¡¯d leave everything to you. I¡¯ve been barely paying attention since the beginning. But since you asked me, I gave it some thoughts. Impaling your foe with a stalactite slash mite is a staple move in cave battles.¡±


    So she compensates her lack of structural thinking by innovation and battle experience. I see. As I thought, I can¡¯t compare, admired Athena.


    I still remember the pain of that stupid spike tearing through my anu¡­ Aaaah¡­ I don¡¯t even want to think about it¡­ despaired Victoria.


    ¡°So. How do we do then?¡±


    ¡°Can you do that [Castling] thing again?¡±


    ¡°No. It consumed all my mana.¡±


    ¡°But there¡¯s no cool-down time?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Drink¡­ Ah wait, unequip the shield first. You¡¯ll need your hand. I don¡¯t want you to drop me. Good. Now drink this.¡±


    Reaching into her inventory, and wincing at the pain that shot through her broken shoulder, Victoria retrieved a round flask containing a golden shimmering liquid, and handed it over to Athena.


    ¡°That¡­ That¡¯s an [Ichor Potion]!¡±


    The [Ichor Potion], named after the blood of the Greek gods, was a potion that could restore both health and mana to their maximum values in an instant whatever those values were.


    ¡°Yeah. I forgot I had it,¡± lied Victoria. She had gotten it a week ago from the [Nether Bag]. ¡°Stupid how they named a recovery potion after a substance that is theologically poisonous to any mortal. Get your mythology straight, dammit!¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t accept that! That¡¯s-¡±


    ¡°A few thousand golds? Yep. Who cares? Money¡¯s meant to be used.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t waste money!!¡±


    Victoria blinked.


    A sore spot? Eva never struck me as poor though¡­


    ¡°Anyway. That¡¯s technically my quest and I¡¯m ready to put the price to finish it. I have an idea but I¡¯ll need the [Castling] skill. So just accept it and get your mana back. I only have that one anyway.¡±


    That was also a lie, she had plenty of mana recovery potions which would have suited the situation just well too. But those took at least a minute for the effect to complete and she didn¡¯t feel like waiting.


    Seeing that Athena still hesitated, the dhampir added: ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I¡¯m loaded. And I didn¡¯t even spent a copper for that one. It was¡­ a gift.¡±


    ¡­that annoying alchemist had it coming. How could I know the archbishop would behead him for ¡°losing¡± the flask? Those Templars are such excessive people.


    That got rid of the remnants of the Shieldbearer¡¯s reluctance. While the tall woman gulped down the potion with a scowl ¨C that thing tasted horrible ¨C Victoria took a peek at the insectoid heavy-weight sniper in the room. The monster was now perfectly positioned. As expected of her Soulbound, as soon as she had understood the Progenitor¡¯s idea, Athena had corrected her trajectory so that the slowly pursuing Monarch walked right under the absurdly gargantuan stalactite she had spotted earlier.


    A predatory smile crept up the dhampir¡¯s face.


    Fully healed and mana-refilled, Athena dropped the empty flask in her own inventory and glanced at her clinging passenger.


    ¡°Okay. Now what?¡±


    ¡°Now, throw me.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­Eh?¡±


    * * * * *


    <1> Everybody knows it, but it¡¯s always good to listen to:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> Castling is a move in the game of chess involving a player''s king and either of the player''s original rooks. It is the only move in chess in which a player moves two pieces in the same move, and it is the only move aside from the knight''s move where a piece can be said to "jump over" another.


    <hr />


    Yep, this one took some time. I wasn¡¯t satisfied by the pace and had to rewrite it three times. I hope the end result is acceptable.


    To ask for forgiveness, here are some chibis:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    Oh, and here¡¯s a picture I took of an ice-cream shop in Florence near the Ponte Vecchio. I had completely forgotten I had it. Actually it did not sell only ice-creams, but above 35¡ãC I only care about ice-creams.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    As for the reason behind the title, I thought it sounded a little like swearing and thought it would be funny. That¡¯s it. Ah. And also that:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Anyway, thank you for reading and see you next chapter.

 V1.14 – We got the butterfly in the stomach!

    Chapter 14:


    We got the butterfly in the stomach!


    ¡­it¡¯s a moth though


    ¡°There you see her


    Sitting there across the way


    She don¡¯t got a lot to say


    But there¡¯s something about her


    And you don¡¯t know why


    But you¡¯re dying to try


    You wanna kiss the girl¡±


    ¨C Kiss the Girl, <1>


    The Little Mermaid


    * * * * *


    Let¡¯s begin with a short flash-back.


    *woosh*


    ¡°Okay. Now what?¡±


    ¡°Now, throw me.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­Eh?¡±


    *woosh*


    Indeed, short flash-back.


    ¡­


    Still running from the [Stillborn Corrupted Moth ¡°Monarch¡±], amongst the laser beams and shattering stones, and with Victoria clutching to Athena¡¯s arm like a cute little monkey, the two girls discussed strategy¡­ kind of.


    ¡°Don¡¯t ¡®Eh?¡¯ me! We¡¯re on tight schedule here!¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡±


    ¡°No buts nor butts! What¡¯s with the dumb face?! I say ¡®throw me¡¯, not ¡®blow me¡¯! Snap out of it. You throw me. I break the stony thingy with the [Crack] spell. Then I fall. I can¡¯t survive that. So we switch, and you take the damage. Got it?¡±


    ¡°Tha-That¡¯s not a plan!¡±


    *ZWEEEE**BAM*


    While shouting, Athena sidestepped out of the way of several flying debris.


    ¡°That is for me! Now, if you don¡¯t have a better idea, do as I say before Papi-chan gets away from Spike-san. Though I don¡¯t know what a harpy and a dragon are doing here.¡±


    ¡°What are you talking ab¡­ Aaaaah¡­¡±


    Athena let out a sigh of resignation and turned around, now facing the putrid lepidoptera. Displaying her amazing memory and psychomotricity, she continued to run backwards while avoiding obstacles.


    Victoria could only gawk in awe at this show of skills. She was so awed in fact, that she completely forgot what they were talking about. Thus she was quite taken aback when the Shieldbearer raised her above her head, taking only seconds to aim¡­


    ¡°OAH! Wait! I¡¯m not mentally prepa-¡±


    ¡­and fired.


    ¡°-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!!!¡±


    Soaring through the air like a red white-haired missile ¨C Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Superman? Nope¡­ just a passing bat ¨C the dhampir screamed with¡­ undeniable courage¡­ all the while cursing whoever reckless imbecile came up with this joke of a plan.


    It¡¯s me though¡­


    *ZWEEEEEE*


    Caught up in her¡­ bravery¡­ she didn¡¯t notice the laser which nearly vaporised her toes. Though since she didn¡¯t notice, everything was fi~ine.


    ¡°Hahaha!! ? I believe I can flyyyyyyyy-UAGH!!¡± <2>


    The world disagreed with the mad Princess¡¯ sudden will to turn this fight into a music-hall, and the stalagmite materialised said disagreement with uncaring violence.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 53 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Ouch. I really am too weak for this. And I completely forgot that my left arm was out.


    Slowly peeling away from the stalagmite after her glorious horizontal faceplant, Victoria hurriedly grabbed the uneven stone with her valid hand. She thus found herself hanging far above ground¡­ and fighting her usual desire to let go to count the seconds until *splarsh*.


    In her opinion, that was a very valide way to test the gravity inside Untold Tales, by comparing the acceleration with her mass et cetera¡­ Elric had actually been quite close to determining the exact mass of the planet, but the uncertainty that remained, about the potential passive effect of ambient magic on physics, kept bothering him. Not to mention he wasn¡¯t even sure the gravitational constant <3> in this world still was 6.674x10^(-11) N?m2/kg2¡­ But that didn¡¯t stop Victoria from continuing the experiments.


    She had weird hobbies.


    Ultimately though, she decided against committing educated suicide ¨C for the sake of the team. She nevertheless casted a curious glance downwards, and witnessed the unsightly appearance of a very pissed Monarch.


    Apparently the boss did not appreciate much seeing its preys leisurely flying around. Well, the poor bastard had been trying its earnest to obliterate the two adventuress, yet they kept ignoring its attempts and only ran all over the place while discussing game mechanics without a care in the world. One could understand the monster felt sulky. And now the shortest prey even tried to sing with mirth. With MIRTH!!


    Unforgiveable.


    True, as a new-born undead ¨C paradox? ¨C the thing held little self-awareness or feelings of any kind, but the two clowns ¨C though Athena became one only due to her partner¡¯s bad influence ¨C were slowly awakening in itself a sentiment of annoyance. The kind you had when a fly you were attempting to swat kept giving you the middle finger.


    ¡°HRRRRRUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!¡±


    Translation: ¡°DAAAAAAAAAAMN YOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!¡±


    Sensitive to the creature¡¯s newfound sense of self, Victoria actively went back to sending Monarch its first birthday candle. A big, heavy, pointy candle¡­ made of stone. Though they lacked the cake, the dhampir was vaguely confident that the monster wouldn¡¯t complain if she stuck it in its back.


    Well¡­ obviously. Dead moth tells no tale¡­ nor blows birthday candles¡­


    ¡°There¡¯s a crack in your rug! What¡¯d you say? It¡¯s a drug! [Crack]!¡±


    I never understood that incantation¡­


    Right before her pitiable strength failed to continue supporting her own weight, Victoria casted the spell.


    A small crack, barely a couple decimetres deep, spread from the edge she had been clinging onto. However it was sufficient. Under the efficient cooperation of mister Mass and miss Gravity ¨C a nice couple if not from a mechanical standpoint <4> ¨C the crack deepened, and soon the whole stalagmite became baseless. Thus it fell. And so did the Princess.


    ¡°AAAAAAAAAAAthena! Now or ne-¡±


    ¡°[Castling]!¡±


    ¡°-ver! ¡­Oh.¡±


    *BAAAAAAM*


    As soon as the now familiar darkness ¨C Victoria became familiar easily when something interested her ¨C receded, the dhampir girl found herself safely on the ground and witnessed her soulmate crashing along with the stone tusk.


    Actually, because it was Athena, and because she was both calculative AND badass, she hadn¡¯t just ¡°crashed¡± with the stalagmite. After taking the place of Victoria mid-air, she had latched onto the rock, executed a backflip, thrown herself upwards, did another flip, and dropkicked the improvised spike down with all her might, thus both accelerating the monstrous stabbing apparatus and reducing her own momentum.


    Drooling from amazement ¨C yes that was a thing ¨C Victoria didn¡¯t hesitate.


    ¡°S-Screenshot. Screenshot! SCREEEEEEENSHOOOOT!!! AAAAAAAAH!!! Where¡¯s the burst mode on that thing?!?¡±


    ¡°Vicky!¡±


    From behind the ineluctable cloud of dust, a hurried husky voice resounded.


    ¡°Incoming!!¡±


    Snapping out of her paparazzi fever, the Progenitor rushed in¡­ at a moderate pace.


    ¡°Hey! I¡¯m going as fast as I can!¡±


    Stop breaking the fourth wall.


    ¡°Oh. Sorry.¡±


    With all the debatable might of her untrained pins, the feeble and frail girl tentatively limped forwards with less velocity than an arthritic sloth under morphine.


    ¡°That¡¯s harassment!¡±


    Aaaaand¡­ she tripped and fell.


    ¡°Wha- Oah!! Ouch!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 2 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    He he he.


    ¡°The fuck is going o¡­ YOU!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    THE ALMIGHTY CHAOS: Mwhahahahaha! I¡¯ve been found out.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Stop hijacking my narrator!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    TEA ALMIGHTY CHAOS: But I¡¯m sooooo bored!!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Well, find someone else to annoy.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    THE ALMURPHY¡¯S LAW: Nah! You¡¯re all obsessed by that Athena ever since you met her. It¡¯s ¡°Thena this!¡± and ¡°Thena that!¡±. Where¡¯s our old complicity? I feel rejected.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°I never accepted you.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Tha-That¡¯s so mean! I was the one who got you two girls together!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Well, thank you~ ?¡­ Especially about the GIRL part! Now leave me the fuck alone! Why can¡¯t you mess with someone else?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Absolutely-not-blushing Chaos: It¡­ It¡¯s not like yo-yo-you¡¯re the only one!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°VICKY!!¡±


    ¡°RIGHT THERE!! Seriously, I¡¯m busy. Narra-kun?¡±


    Yes Boss! Damn this guy. Sorry ¡®bout that, dear readers. I, the Official Narrator¡­ aka Narra-kun apparently¡­ is back¡­ Great, now everybody will be confused about the limits of the world¡­ Please just forget what you just read. *sigh* Anyway¡­ eeeeh¡­ So? Where was I... Ah. Right.


    *cough*


    Trying to ignore the annoying divinity, Victoria stood back up and resumed her moderately-paced race towards the cloud of dust, which had been raised by the crashing stalagmite. She was unable to see, however the sounds she perceived nevertheless told her that Monarch had yet to bite the dust¡­ figuratively speaking.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Sulking Chaos: What does that unwomanly bodybuilder have got that I haven¡¯t?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°AAAAAARH!!! Everything! She¡¯s fun. She¡¯s amazing. She¡¯s gorgeous¡­ Man, my tastes are screwed up¡­ Anyway. Please shut up.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Pouting and absolutely-ABSOLUTELY-not-blushing Chaos: Ba-BAKA!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos(?): ¡­


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­I don¡¯t swing that way.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Well, technically I don¡¯t have a gender.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: Yes.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°VIIIIIICKYYYYY!!!¡±


    ¡°HRRUUUUUUUUUIIIIIII!!!¡±


    ¡°Oh, damn.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos: I think you should stop wasting time.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°I¡¯m really going to find a weapon that can kill gods one of these days, you know?¡±


    No other heavenly message came after that.


    Rolling her eyes around in annoyance, Victoria accelerated the best she could and, while running, ripped her wrist opened with her teeth.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 1 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    With her [Hematokinesis (Higher)] she controlled her blood, making it flow out of the wound and forming a drill-shaped weapon around her right forearm. She immediately felt light-headed and tottered slightly, but she managed to stay up. Under her mental command, the drill then began spinning wheezily. Her new weapon was actually too heavy for her to lift, but since it was half-levitating, she managed.


    She eventually stepped into a clearing in the middle of the particle haze, where the trashing of the agonising monster had blasted away the grinded stone in suspension.


    What she discovered was a skewered moth twice as thick as she was tall. The creature was pinned down and screaming its spiracles <5> out. Dark orange-red blood was splattering all over the place, and especially on the tall copper-headed woman in black armour who was straddling the moth¡¯s thorax, holding both its antennas in her left gauntlet and meticulously pummelling its eyes with her right.


    Confronted with such a spectacle, Victoria didn¡¯t hesitate¡­ She took another screenshot¡­ Then she darted for the maw, raising her blood weapon which began to spin even faster, and let her inner fanboy take over her body.


    ¡°WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!¡±


    Victoria jumped and violently stabbed her drill between Monarch¡¯s jaws. She mentally made it thinner and longer, piercing deeper and deeper until a startled cry from above informed her she had dug her way to the top.


    Indeed, Athena was staring with horror at the pointy spinning stake that had just appeared between her legs, from the inside of the monster.


    Then a predatory grin spread on the dhampir¡¯s face.


    ¡°Eveningstar.¡±


    From the lance running through Monarch¡¯s brain, innumerable spikes branched out, reducing its nervous centre to shreds. A torrent of blood poured onto Victoria, but she was thankful because it hid the intense blushing that had invaded her face from having named her attack herself.


    ¡°Hehehe¡­ I¡¯m awesome¡­ Though that hematokinesis is¡­ seriously¡­ O¡­ P¡­¡±


    She fainted.


    Anaemia.


    From above the slumping boss, Athena witnessed her friend collapsing on the ground, covered in sticky undead blood and grinning broadly like an idiot. She rested her face in her palm and dejectedly shook her head.


    What is that that girl doing...?


    She averted her eyes from the fainted dhampir and looked around. From her vantage point, she had a good view of the whole cave. The place which before looked like a marvel of nature was now a field of ruins. Shattered rock and collapsed columns littered the ground. The boss monster under her was a mess. It was skewered through its centre and its front now barely qualified as more than an agglomerate of destroyed flesh spiked with ruby needles.


    And she herself was covered with blood and stone dust. Her breathing was rough. She had no idea what just happened, and even less how they had ended up victorious.


    Then a loud snore echoed through the now silent battleground. Athena¡¯s eyes widened and her gaze fell back on the pale unconscious girl and her stupid grin. Victoria was now sleeping peacefully on the stone floor, in a pool of gore and blood, surrounded by chaos and death.


    ¡°Pffff¡­¡±


    A weird sensation crept up Athena¡¯s throat. Something she hadn¡¯t felt in¡­ how long? She couldn¡¯t remember.


    ¡°Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Hahaha¡­ Hahahahahahaha¡­ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA¡­¡±


    Sitting atop the corpse of a giant undead moth, the Soulbound of the craziest Progenitor continued to laugh by herself, relaxing completely for the first time in years. Her nerves had finally snapped, and she looked insane, but she didn¡¯t care.


    Later, she knew, the anger and fears would come back, but right now, next to her friend, a merry sociopath blissfully asleep in a literal bloodbath, Athena couldn¡¯t help but think none of her worries really mattered.


    * * *


    Some time later¡­ twenty-three minutes, eleven seconds and two hundredths to be exact¡­


    ¡°¡­a-AAAHNN~ ?¡±


    A loud moan resounded in the cave and a smirking dhampir stood up, licking her bloodied lips and testing her recently restored shoulder.


    ¡°Waaahh¡­ Barefangs feeding is the best! Thena sweetie, nothing can compare to your thick hot fluid flowing down my throat, sucked right from th-OUCH!!¡±


    A loud punch resounded in the cave and a still smirking dhampir fell flat on her ass, rubbing her painful abdomen.


    ¡°That¡¯s mean Caramel¡­ What was that for?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re enjoying yourself too much!¡± the Shieldbearer replied while blushing. ¡°And stop with the lewd play and the food names. That¡¯s embarrassing.¡±


    Victoria pouted ostensibly and let herself fall backwards, fixing the ceiling and hugging herself lovingly.


    ¡°AAAH? But two sweaty females embracing each other in a pool of blood is sooo hot! And I know you like having me inside you like tha- Wooplah!¡±


    *BAM*


    ¡°Careful Candy dearest. I might die you know~¡­ even if I¡¯m undead. Yohohohoho!¡±


    With a swift and inelegant roll, Victoria put herself out of reach from a fist that instead, in a splatter of moth blood, left a deep indentation in the stone ground.


    ¡°You personality is very imbalanced, you know that?¡± commented the pale girl as she stood up.


    ¡°Your one to talk,¡± Athena retorted, also pulling herself up and re-equipping her forearm protector.


    ¡°Naaaah. I¡¯m intentionally screwed up. That¡¯s not imbalance. That¡¯s madness, not Sparta. You, on the other end, you¡¯re kind of bipolar. One moment you¡¯re a shy self-depreciating mess, the next you¡¯re an authoritative Asura of Wrath. Both are kinda fun by the way. Is it that you¡¯re not comfortable with others being in command?¡±


    ¡°¡­somthinglikedat.¡±


    ¡°Mmmh¡­¡± Victoria shrugged, not really interested by her friend¡¯s answer.


    She then turned towards the corpse of the defeated boss. Her gaze swept across the mangled body and settled down on the protruding stalagmite. She tilted her head in ponder.


    ¡°You, know¡­ Now that I think of it¡­ Doesn¡¯t the [Soulmate] skill give us a shared mana pool in close range?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ I guess that [Ichor Potion] wasn¡¯t really needed after all.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Haha¡­ What¡¯s with the silence Thena?¡±


    ¡°¡­Vi~cky ?¡±


    ¡°What is it Sugar Cube? ¡­Ah! No! NOOOO!!! Sit Asura! Bad Asura! Waaaaaaaaah!! Urgent report: Negotiation failed. Engaging evasion mode. Three. Two. Four. Twenty-six. Dash!¡±


    The frail princess tried to run away, but her pursuer was simply too overwhelming. Punishment was dealt and head hurt.


    ¡°Owowowow¡­ I think I actually prefer you when you¡¯re meeker¡­ Aren¡¯t you supposed to be less assertive?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d be an even worse failure as a human being if I didn¡¯t at least try to correct your misguided ways. Money isn¡¯t something you throw away like that. Be a little more considerate.¡±


    Athena being Athena, she threw the comment while already regaining her composure. She then began scanning their surroundings for potential unexpected threats, something that had become akin to a reflex to her.


    Victoria, on her side, was actually reflecting¡­


    Note to self: do not spent gold carelessly¡­ in front of Thena.


    ¡­sort of.


    ¡°So¡­ you¡¯ll try to correct me while I try to corrupt you? Searching for a state of equilibrium? Isn¡¯t that basic chemistry? Alchemy? Ying and Yang? Or maybe is it feng shui? Energy harmonisations and all that¡­ HEY!! Since when am I a force for Evil? I¡¯m a kid-friendly sociopath!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re the one who called yourself corrupted. And I¡¯m not sure our¡­ partnership has anything to do with fen-¡±


    ¡°Any-hoooow,¡± interrupted Victoria with a twirl, to which Athena just resignedly sighed. ¡°What now?¡±


    The Shieldbearer threw her a sidelong glance, before resuming her observation of the destroyed surroundings, apparently in deep thoughts and trying to recall something.


    This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± she asked distractedly.


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m not too knowledgeable about the quest thing¡­ I usually does whatever goes through my mind, so-¡±


    ¡°Ah, right. Elric Walker,¡± Athena suddenly muttered.


    Victoria eructed a strange noised which, to the trained ear, could easily be mistaken for the cry of pain of the mandrill being stabbed by a rhinoceros while imitating a zebra. A very difficult impersonation, if any.


    ¡°WHERE IS HE?! ¡­.ah. I-I-I mean¡­ wha-what about him?¡± the Princess questioned with a very, VERY, tensed smile.


    ¡°What? Oh. Sorry. Did I blurted that out loud?¡±


    The dhampir nodded fervently, while trying to keep her heart rate under a hundred beats per minute, which was already high for a normal human, let alone for a half-undead.


    ¡°Do you know him? Ah, right, you were a Deep Explorer too. Did you ever met him?¡± Athena asked with disarming innocence.


    ¡°¡­Di-Did we met? Eeeeh¡­ Not exactly. Whyyy?¡± *sweat* *sweat*


    ¡°Ah¡­ It¡¯s just that my sister¡¯s a big fan of his and she always talks about how funny everything he does is. Something was bugging me since a few days ago, because the way you explain everything you do reminded me of something, but I couldn¡¯t put my finger on it. Then I just remembered that it sounded like what Sis told me about the Wandering Knight.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ eeeh¡­ The truth is I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m a fan too! Yes! Real fan! HAHAHAHAHA!! Elric Walker, what a guy, right?¡±


    Me gonna send an autograph to her sister, along with a good chunk of shut-your-mouth¡­


    ¡°Vicky, you sound nervous¡­¡±


    ¡°Do-Do-Do I?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡±


    ¡°I-Impopopopopo-posible!¡±


    ¡°Ah. Maybe¡­ You know him well. Am I right?¡±


    ¡°N-N-No-N-No wa-wa-way-way¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Vicky¡­ Could it be you¡­¡±


    Have I been found out?! NOOOOO!! This is way too soon! Aaaaaah¡­ No, keep it together. As long as she doesn¡¯t know that I¡¯m her classmate, I can still pull something of¡­


    ¡°Thena, I-¡±


    ¡°Did you date him?¡±


    ¡°¡­uh?¡±


    If morphology had permitted it, Victoria¡¯s lower jaw would have collided with the floor right then. Athena however, totally oblivious to her friend¡¯s dumbfounded state, was rambling on her own while blushing furiously.


    ¡°No. I mean, that¡¯s normal. You told me you were into girls, but I never asked if you were only into girls. Obviously, someone unwomanly like me is impossible¡­ but if you like guys too, I guess¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh. Thena.¡±


    ¡°Obviously, you¡¯d have previous experiences. Plus you two have similar interests¡­¡±


    ¡°Earth to Thena.¡±


    ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m just a boring woman who can do nothing put punch people and run away, how can I comp-¡±


    ¡°Oh! Thena. I¡¯m talking to you.¡±


    ¡°Ah! Right. Sorry. I said something awkward. I didn¡¯t want to put you in a situ-¡±


    With a very pissed growl, Victoria grabbed the tall Shieldbearer by the collar of her plastron, forced her down ¨C thankfully the other didn¡¯t resist ¨C and shut the tall woman up with a languorous kiss. The Shieldbearer¡¯s eyes widened in surprise. Then, as soon as she was convinced Athena wouldn¡¯t start talking again, the Princess released her lips, but not her armour, and glared angrily in her amber eyes.


    Athena gulped at the sight of the two slit-pupil of the mostly red jewels stabbing through her skull. The pale girl was clearly smiling, yet only killing intent emanated from her beautiful face.


    ¡°Thena,¡± Victoria dangerously murmured, ¡°if you ever again as much as suggest that I might be ¡®into guys¡¯, I slit your throat. Am I clear?¡±


    Athena vigorously nodded, her previous assessment of her friend¡¯s unstable mentality noisily recalling itself to her.


    ¡°Good.¡± The dhampir stepped back and her usual worriless smile bloomed back on her face. ¡°Oh, but don¡¯t take that threat to harshly. Hahaha. It¡¯s a game after all.¡±


    Athena once again nodded, her face red and almost fuming, and Victoria¡¯s smile broadened, the incident apparently forgotten. However, behind her happy and calm fa?ade, the Progenitor was in thoughts bashing her head against a wall.


    AAAAAAAH!! What did I just do?! That¡¯s Eva! EVA!!! You know? Greeting-you-with-a-book-in-the-face Eva! Stabbing-at-your-eye-with-a-fork Eva! Guillotining-your-thumb-in-a-doorframe Eva! That Eva!! Why did I just kiss her? Am I insane? ...probably. BUT THAT¡¯S NOT THE POINT!!! Did I really fall for that creepy budding psycho? Maybe? But even if I loved her, feelings aside, she¡¯s a lesbian! And I¡¯m¡­ completely losing it. God, I think I get why sex-switching is forbidden in VR without a shitload of paperwork and the approval of a psychiatrist. Should I contact Whatever to get fixed? But¡­ But it¡¯s so much fuuuuun!!! AAAAAH¡­ Fun, or sanity? Not really a question but¡­ What am I supposed to do from now on? I can¡¯t see this ending well.


    Victoria shot a discreet glance towards Athena, and saw that the latter was staring at her feet, her face still close to overheating.


    Really can¡¯t see this ending well¡­


    She sighed.


    Guess gotta just be lil¡¯ ol¡¯ me¡­ Nothing¡¯s a problem until it blows up in your face. That¡¯s my motto¡­ Right, let¡¯s go with that. I want her¡­ I think¡­ And she¡¯s probably willing too. I¡¯ll take my chance¡­ I still kinda feel like scum though.


    ¡°Thena?¡±


    The Shieldbearer snapped to attention. She looked so jumpy that Victoria couldn¡¯t repress a little chuckle.


    ¡°Did anyone ever told you that you¡¯re overly smart, but sometimes your logic is completely screwed up? What the hell made you think I would date El¡­ that guy?¡±


    I mean¡­ That¡¯s majorly fucked up¡­ Even I am not THAT narcissistic¡­ But she couldn¡¯t know that.


    Athena looked away, uncomfortable.


    ¡°I¡­ Nothing. Just a hunch I guess.¡±


    Female instinct is scary.


    ¡°And yes, my sister told me the exact same thing yesterday.¡±


    ¡°Oh, why?¡±


    The question had been idle, yet Victoria was surprised to discover that the copper-headed woman¡¯s face could rise another shade of red. In fact, it was rather disturbing to see the mighty Athena act with mimics that clearly would have best suited the bookworm Eva.


    ¡°That¡­ Well¡­¡±


    ¡°Ah, no. You don¡¯t need to answer that. I know I wouldn¡¯t,¡± Victoria tried to shrug it off.


    ¡°No, that¡¯s nothing big. It¡¯s just that there¡¯s a guy at school who¡¯s trying to get close to me¡­ I think. And Sis thought he had a thing for me but¡­¡±


    Female instinct¡­ scary. I take back what I said. Miss Eva¡¯s sister, please continue talking about whatever pleases you. I shall not oppose you in any way.


    ¡°But?¡± Victoria pressed, though she really wasn¡¯t sure she wanted to hear the rest.


    ¡°But I was sure he was gay.¡±


    Once again, the cry of the agonising mandrill echoed in the cave.


    HOW DO I LOOK GAY TO YOU?! Seriously, why does she want to pair me with men whatever my form is? Am I doomed to gayness? Is it karma? Is it Tutanokaman¡¯s curse? Is that a thing?


    ¡°Vicky¡­ Are you alright?¡±


    The dhampir raised her gaze from her facepalm, and looked at a genuinely worried Athena. Well, her primate imitation had been remarkably weird.


    ¡°Yes. I¡¯m just a little tired by¡­ by Life I suppose. I have no idea what I¡¯ll do with so much lemonade. And I¡¯m pretty sure I¡¯m losing my mind. Not that it is an unpleasant feeli-oufff!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 4 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    All of a sudden, Victoria found herself in a bear hug. A metallic bear hug. By a bear with a Strength stat overwhelming her own by over two hundred points. Needless to say, it hurt. Yet it felt oddly comfortable, though she was in a mood to blame the [Masochism] skill for that, seeing this game had obviously decided to screw with her brain.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Vicky. No matter how insane you become, I¡¯ll always be your friend.¡±


    No¡­ I¡¯d prefer if you kept your distances if I really lose it¡­ But¡­ Oh well, I guess it¡¯s fine.


    Victoria rested her head against Athena¡¯s plastron. She was actually relieved that she was still somehow friend-zoned, even after that impromptu saliva exchange earlier. Truth be told however, the pale ¡°girl¡± couldn¡¯t have known ¨C a fact that probably saved Nicolas¡¯ already moribund male pride ¨C that Eva¡¯s experience in skinship vastly outstripped her own.


    The only reason why Athena was acting so flustered was a mix of surprise, confused feelings, being on the receiving end of the aforementioned skinship, as well as the remnants of her earlier unusual laughing outburst and a few other circumstantial variables. The act of kissing in itself wasn¡¯t really weighting on her mind, nor was she reading much into it. She  usually took more notice of people¡¯s words than their actions, contrary to Victoria who rarely listened to what others said but always liked to interpret every small gestures, especially her own.


    After some time, the dhampir¡¯s face turned serious and she distanced herself from the tall woman.


    ¡°So¡­ Now that we pledged each other everlasting friendship in sanity or madness, I must ask you a question.¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± Athena responded, quickly adopting the same serious tone.


    ¡°Ice-cream. What flavour?¡±


    ¡°¡­pardon?¡±


    Somewhere in heaven, the God of Seriousness choked on a fishbone.


    ¡°Come on! It¡¯s customary to seal friendship in ice-cream, don¡¯t you know that?¡±


    ¡°Ah? No¡­ Is it? But¡­ Vicky, there¡¯s no ice-cream in the game.¡±


    ¡°WHAT?!¡± Victoria was horrified, then she lowered her gaze in defeat. ¡°How could it be?! How careless¡­ No ice-cream? This is blasphemy.¡±


    ¡°Are we really having this discussion next to a corpse in a boss room?¡±


    ¡°Welcome in my world!¡± the Crazy One exclaimed, immediately perking up.


    She then waltzed away from the pool of blood. Athena followed, observing the surroundings and warily sending regular glances at the dhampir who had adopted her feared thinking pose and was muttering to herself.


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ Can¡¯t use holy-OWOWOWOWow¡­ ouch¡­ Almighty assholes. I mean, can¡¯t use light magic. Happy? ¡­ So¡­ Right¡­ How does it go again¡­ Come on¡­ I relearnt it two days ago¡­ Come on¡­ Come on¡­ Tri-elemental magic¡­ Water plus wind plus fire¡­¡±


    ¡°Vicky¡­ What are you trying to do?¡± Athena asked prudently.


    ¡°Nothing dangerous, don¡¯t worry,¡± Victoria waved her off. ¡°Yes. I think it was¡­¡±


    ¡°Even if you say that¡­¡±


    ¡°Ah! This is it! Washing by hand is such a pain, let magic remove the stain! [Laundry]!¡±


    A gust of hot wet wind suddenly enveloped them. The warm fog penetrated their clothes and brushed past their skin. Athena¡¯s heart skipped a beat, but as promised nothing dangerous happened, if not for the discomfort of being rubbed all over her body at once.


    After the mist dissipated, the Shieldbearer discovered that both of them were as clean as if they had just stepped out of a bath, except they weren¡¯t even wet. Their equipment too had been scrubbed of all the blood, dust and bodily fragments that had covered it.


    For some reason though, Athena felt her now chronic headache coming back.


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡±


    ¡°Neat, right? It¡¯s called [Laundry], but if you cast it on the clothes you are wearing, it actually washes your body too.¡±


    ¡°Did you just use a legendary tri-elemental spell¡­ to wash clothes?¡±


    ¡°I met a weird archmage once. Pretty fun guy. He was guarding a lost library. I think I was supposed to defeat him to get access, but we sorta hit it off instead. You wouldn¡¯t believe what people invent in their moments of boredom, especially immortals. You know what they say, ¡®Eternity is long, especially near the end¡¯¡­¡± the Progenitor shrugged. ¡°So? Ice-cream flavour?¡±


    ¡°Do you even listen to¡­ *sigh* Strawberry.¡±


    ¡°How girly of you.¡±


    ¡°Got a problem with that?¡± Athena frowned.


    ¡°Nope.¡± The other smiled teasingly. ¡°Wait two seconds. And catch me please. Untold Tales. Log out!¡±


    ¡°What? Whoa!¡±


    Victoria¡¯s eyes suddenly became vitreous and her body slumped down like a marionette whose strings had been cut. The Shieldbearer rushed to catch her, internally grumbling that her reaction time was being thoroughly trained with a friend like that.


    ¡ø ¡ø ¡ø


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have logged out.


    Linked Time [15:11:00]


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Relatively round number. Not bad. But we should probably take a break after getting out of the dungeon. A real break. I need to sleep. And take a bath.


    Today was Saturday morning and, depressed by Dorothy¡¯s fate, Nicolas had barely slept since Thursday, only making short pauses to eat and stretch a bit. After Athena¡¯s return, the adrenaline had kept Victoria going, but the human behind the dhampir knew his true body wouldn¡¯t hold up much longer.


    Shaking off the drowsiness, Nicolas trotted towards the kitchen and took a bottle of Coke out of the fridge. He drank just enough to restart his engine, but without risking to be forcefully disconnected by his W-Chair for ¡°physiologic emergency¡± ¨C a pretty useful feature though ¨C and then jumped on his sofa, scarring the Ever-Napping King McLeon to death.


    He reached out, grabbed his laptop on the coffee-table and opened UT official webpage. A couple clicks later, the forums were before his eyes. However he didn¡¯t select any thread and instead went to his inbox to write a private message.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Elric Walker


    To: Elric¡¯s Follower1


    Hey, dude¡­ No ice-cream? Seriously?


    PS: I like coconut, mint, chocolate, dragon blood and strawberry.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    He send the message, then closed the computer.


    ¡°Well, that should take care of itself.¡±


    ¨‹ ¨‹ ¨‹


    Victoria opened her eyes again and immediately jumped aside to evade a punch.


    ¡°Don¡¯t do that again,¡± growled a husky voice. ¡°Being killed in a fight is something, but I don¡¯t want my guide to die from hitting her head on the ground. You¡¯re a weakling, keep that in mind.¡±


    ¡°Hahaha. S¡¯ry. Emergency call. ¡­Did you just call me a weakling?¡±


    ¡°Whatever¡­ Ah. What were you saying before?¡±


    The dhampir narrowed her dichromatic eyes, the pupil once again twitching from round to slit and red taking over its blue encirlement.


    ¡°You mean before you rudely interrupted me by spouting the name of my supposed ex-boyfriend?¡±


    ¡°¡­yeah. S¡¯ry ¡®bout that.¡±


    ¡°No biggie. Well, I was just saying. I¡¯m not too used to formal questing, but I think we should report Butterfreak¡¯s death to the NPC who gave us the quest, right?¡±


    ¡°Normally yes¡­ Ah.¡±


    ¡°Yeah. See where I¡¯m going?¡±


    ¡°Yes. How are we supposed to contact him? Do you have any idea?¡±


    ¡°None.¡±


    ¡°Kekeke. Quite a predicament, is it not?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Wordlessly, Victoria reached out inside her inventory.


    ¡°Toto. Balls Crusher Inferno.¡±


    ¡°ROOOOOOAR!!¡±


    ¡°WHAAAAAAAAA!!!¡±


    ¡°GET THAT GHOST TOTO!!!¡±


    ¡°ARGH!! Respect your elders, young one!¡±


    ¡°Shut up geezer! MWHAHAHAHA!! Ore-sama will turn you into a plush!¡±


    ¡°I refuse!¡±


    ¡°Resistance is futile! Surrender peacefully, and I shall let you choose between Mister Bunny and Mister Kitty-Cat! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!¡±


    ¡°RRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARR!!!!¡±


    Once again, the cave shook, this time filled with the cacophony of a surreal fight between a teleporting ghost fleeing for his unlife, a pale dhampir Princess throwing [Soul Blasts] randomly and laughing like a maniac, and a roaring stuffed puppy breathing ethereal fire while trying to bite the crotch of the aforementioned ghost.


    *sigh*


    Standing still in the middle of the ongoing mayhem, like an unshakeable beacon in a storm, a tall copper-headed woman lifted her amber eyes towards the ceiling and sighed, yet a small half-smile was floating on her lips.


    ¡°Well¡­ I guess this is kind of fun.¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Chaos approves.


    Luck +3


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    * * * * *


    <1> As a matter of facts, this song is a little creepy if you remove the context¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> Aaaaah¡­ Memories¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    Oh. Wrong one.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <3> Because, according to the law of universal gravitation, the attractive force (F) between two bodies is directly proportional to the product of their masses (m1 and m2), and inversely proportional to the square of the distance, r, (inverse-square law) between them. Aaaaand, the constant of proportionality, G, is the gravitational constant. You learnt something¡­ maybe.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <4> That¡¯s a technical joke.


    <5> Butterflies and moths don¡¯t have lungs¡­ though they normally don¡¯t have mouths either¡­ don¡¯t sweat the details¡­ Anyway, they breathe through spiracles, which are on the sides of their bodies.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <hr />


    This was an emotional chapter¡­ What do you mean, you didn¡¯t notice? It¡¯s Titanic worthy though. With the scheduled shipwreck and all.


    Oh, right, I keep forgetting, but for those who have not already, read these:


    - Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka?</a> (Spider)


    - Tensei Shitara Slime datta ken</a> (Slime)


    And pehaps those while you¡¯re at it:


    - Maou the Yuusha</a> (or is it ¡°Mow the Yaasha¡±?)


    - Second Chance</a> (NPC)


    Ooooh¡­ and¡­ why not this one?


    - The Sky at Dawn</a> (¡­unicorn?)


    Just a suggestion though¡­


    That¡¯s it for this time and see you next chapter¡­ with maybe a new character¡­

 V1.15 – Have a good death

    Chapter 15:


    Have a good death


    ¡°Live each day like it''s your last,


    ''cause one day you gonna be right.¡±


    ¨C Ray Charles


    * * * * *


    Rubbing her painful head, Victoria shot a glare at Ambrose, who was trying to put out his burning sleeve, then casted a fearful glance towards Toto, who was laying on the side, weirdly twitching but probably not dead for good.


    She even punches undead dragon spirits to unconsciousness¡­ Bus¨­-shoku no Haki?


    Standing arm-crossed before the trio, a tall copper-headed woman was staring them down, slowly tapping her left armoured biceps with her right forefinger.


    ¡°Vicky, stop being so rash.¡±


    ¡°S¡¯ry ma¡¯am,¡± the dhampir contritely apologised.


    ¡°Kekeke. You have my gratitude, young Soulbound.¡±


    A vein twitched on Athena¡¯s forehead.


    ¡°We still need him for the quest.  You can kill him later.¡±


    ¡°Roger Captain.¡±


    ¡°¡­ Pity on this old man.¡±


    ¡°If you want to be treated like an old man, try to look like one,¡± Victoria retorted.


    ¡°Point taken. *cough* Well, I see you have-¡±


    ¡°And I thought you couldn¡¯t materialized anymore,¡± the dhampir again interrupted.


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ There are circumstances¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re just lazy.¡±


    ¡°I have my reasons¡­¡±


    ¡°Whatever. Let¡¯s just get done with this,¡± she sighed with a wide gesture towards the giant moth¡¯s corpse a few metres away.


    *cough* ¡°Very well.¡± The ancient knight adopted a solemn face. ¡°To complete the request, you will need to set free the soul of the Guardian imprisoned in its corrupted envelope.¡±


    Victoria and Athena nodded in unison, although their thoughts weren¡¯t exactly in synch.


    ¡°A ritual probably.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s burn it.¡±


    ¡°¡°Eh?¡±¡±


    Both send the other a surprised glance. Opposite them, Ambrose scratched his chin a couple times then covered his mouth with a curled hand.


    *cough* *cough* ¡°Burning the remains would indeed work, however it might be a little disrespectf-¡±


    ¡°Washing by hand is such a pain, let magic remove the stain. [Laundry].¡±


    Once again, the hot fog appeared, this time covering Monarch¡¯s corpse and washing off the fireproof mucus.


    ¡°And~¡­ Hear my command fire mighty, form a sphere which burns my enemy. [Fireball].¡±


    A bowling ball sized fiery orb jumped out of the dhampir¡¯s opened palm and exploded on the monster, which was instantaneously engulfed in flames. The perpetrator of this impromptu cremation nodded self-satisfyingly.


    ¡°Yep. It really burns well when you get rid of that irritant fireproofing. It¡¯s a dead moth after all.¡±


    ¡°¡°¡­¡±¡± ¨C heavy gazes no jutsu.


    ¡°What?¡±


    Victoria spun to face the others. Ambrose was staring at her with tired disbelief, while Athena just looked resigned to her own fate.


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± The dhampir repeated, jumping back and adopting a boxing guard. ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything wrong this time!¡±


    ¡°No¡­ Probably¡­ Just¡­  Why didn¡¯t you use that [Laundry] spell earlier?¡±


    ¡°Ah. Because it only works well on inert targets. Actually, if you move too much in its area of effect, you¡¯ll be boiled to death. Doesn¡¯t work too much offensively on monsters though¡­ I don¡¯t know why. It¡¯s a real shame.¡±


    ¡°¡°¡­¡±¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Come here.¡±


    ¡°Ye- NO!! This is- OUCH!!¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    - 10 HP


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Rolling on the ground, the Princess held her head in pain. She cried a little, then she curled up in a ball, shivering and looking despondent.


    ¡°You-Your Honour, my husband is abusive.¡±


    Athena resisted the urge to facepalm, instead muttering: ¡°I¡¯ll stop when you stop risking to accidentally boil people to death!¡±


    ¡°YADA!!¡±


    The tall woman cracked her knuckles and raised a fist.


    ¡°Stop acting like a spoiled child.¡±


    ¡°Plus I think it actually turns me on¡­¡± Victoria mumbled, still on the ground.


    The fist hesitated, hovering in mid-air.


    Getting hit or endangering people¡¯s life? ¡­ No. Knowing her, it might be both¡­ Aaaah¡­


    *sigh*


    Unwilling to know the answer, the Shieldbearer opted for the safest option. She changed the subject.


    ¡°So¡­ Ambrose, is that right? What do we do no- VICKY!! STOP TOUCHING YOUSELF!!¡±


    ¡°Spoilsport.¡±


    ¡°Kekeke. Young Soulbound, you have it hard.¡±


    An amber glare, heavy of the killing intent of a hundred thousand murderers, dissuaded the venerable ghost of any further commenting.


    Athena was gradually beginning to grasp the magnitude of the mess she had wilfully pulled herself in. An ever shifting mess gravitating around the being known as Victoria Sangbleu. At least that gave her undying anger an outlet, and her heavily solicited mind now barely had the time to dwell on her own shortcomings, real or imaginary. So overall it was very beneficial situation, but Athena had some difficulties to see that right now.


    ¡°Quest. Now.¡±


    Two simple words, but everyone in the cave ¨C Toto included ¨C snapped back to attention.


    ¡°Yes. Well¡­ It should be any second now,¡± Ambrose muttered, then turned towards Monarch¡¯s burning corpse.


    A strange phenomenon was taking place over there.


    A greenish glow, of a colour similar to that of the beast¡¯s lasers, was progressively seeping for the giant moth and floating up, mixing with the raising smoke. Under the curious gazes of the dhampir, the human, the dragon-puppy, and even the old ghost, the viscous light condensed, slowly¡­ very slowly¡­ taking the shape of an actual giant monarch ¨C the butterfly <1> ¨C shining with a light that could only be called heavenly.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Butterfly King ¡°Andr¨¦¡±] will soon? be revived!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    A heavy silence filled the cave.


    Athena was observing the ghastly being with inexpressive calculative eyes. Ambrose was looking away ¨C from reality as a whole. And Toto was snickering, like the haughty dragon he theoretically was. As for Victoria, she was staring at the Butterfly King with dead eyes, livid impersonation of the kid who just discovered Santa Claus had sold his soul to industrial conglomerates.


    Eventually, the rejuvenated dead elder broke the silence: ¡°It is¡­ a beautiful creature, is it not?¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡± the Princess lifelessly responded. ¡°But¡­ Andr¨¦? It¡¯s just¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­ In the stories of old, his mother was never renowned for her naming sense¡­¡±


    ¡°Mother?¡±


    ¡°Yes. The Guardian of these woods is allegedly the son of the Insect Goddess.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ It¡¯s¡­ interesting?¡±


    There¡¯s an Insect Goddess? ¡­What am I thinking? Of course there is¡­ And I bet she hates me too.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Choas: That Goddess¡­ She¡¯s known amongst our kind as She-You-Must-Not-Be-Named-By.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­that bad?¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Ka-hos: Yes. You don¡¯t want to meet her other children. Sassy the Cicada. Bibi the Beetle. Gertrude the Ladybird. I won¡¯t mention the name of the Cockroach King.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Who are you talking to, young one?¡±


    ¡°Chaos.¡±


    ¡°You truly are casual with the gods, are you not?¡±


    He sounded impressed. Victoria just wanted to punch something, and to actually cause more damage to the target than to her fist.


    *sigh* ¡°More than I¡¯d like¡­ *sigh* So, Thena, any change with¡­ *sigh again* Andr¨¦?¡±


    ¡°No¡­ It¡¯s just¡­ sort of¡­ hovering over there¡­¡±


    ¡°Should we go greet him?¡±


    ¡°¡­maybe?¡±


    ¡°OH! ANDR¨¦ YOU DUMB INSECT!! DO SOMETHING!!¡±


    ¡°¡°¡°¡­¡±¡±¡±


    ¡°What? Oh, not you too Toto!¡±


    However the loud and rude outburst left the ethereal half-formed godly butterfly unmoved.


    ¡°¡­this is boring.¡±


    Fed up with the lack of explosions, Victoria kicked a pebble away ¨C one she had carefully chosen not to injure her foot ¨C and loudly stomped her way to a fallen rock, where she sat down, her back against the boulder. She opened her interface and then the PM window.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Victoria Sangbleu


    To: Siri


    Yo, you there?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    She did not wait long for an answer to arrive.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Siri


    To: Victoria Sangbleu


    VIVI!! Of course I¡¯m here! ¡­ It¡¯s not like I¡¯ve anywhere to go anyway¡­ Good timing! I was bored outa ma inexistent sinful ass. B.T.W., do you know how frustrating it is to meet all those horny virgin teenagers who ask me to modify their appearance to max their sex-appeal, yet not to have a body of my own to do ANYHTHIG, not even with myself?! Anyway¡­ I was like ¡°THIS IS BORING!¡± and then *BAM* you just call right before I call you. Is that synchronicity? It¡¯s totally awesome! We¡¯re sooooo BFF!!


    So? What can I do you for?


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Did she have that kind of personality? Are all AIs crazy in this game? Or is it only the ones I meet? Who came first, the chicken or the egg? She¡¯s an AI, right? Not some comatose patient chosen to serve as one? I don¡¯t know if that would be fucked up or awesome¡­ Nah. It would be both.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Victoria Sangbleu


    To: Siri


    Just talk, really. I¡¯m stuck waiting for a Butterfly King to regenerate. It¡¯s slow.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Siri


    To: Victoria Sangbleu


    Well, it¡¯s butter after all. It¡¯s fat, not fast.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°¡­¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    From: Victoria Sangbleu


    To: Siri


    I think I have a bad influence on you.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    * * *


    It took a full hour-and-a-half for Andr¨¦ the Butterfly to finish regenerating. His former body was still slowly being consumed by flames, and Athena was slightly worried that the fumes would fill the cave and suffocate them, but apparently the place disposed of its own ventilation system, because the air was still as clear as when they first arrived.


    Then¡­


    *tata-TARATATAAAAAAAA*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Butterfly King ¡°Andr¨¦¡±] IS RRRRRRRREBORN!!!


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°SILEEEENCE!!!¡±


    Woken up from her nap by the trumpeting notification, Victoria ragingly grabbed the nearest pebble and threw it towards the supposed Goddess¡¯ spawn. The tiny rock merely flew a dozen metres, then fell calttering on the ground, not even close to its target, nor in the right direction. Three pairs of pitying eyes converged towards the dhampir. By this point, nobody really cared about the giant butterfly anymore.


    ¡°I-I-I¡¯m a mage! Strength isn¡¯t necessary!¡± the Progenitor stammered while blushing.


    Athena walked up to her and comfortingly patted her head. The Princess pouted cutely, but it felt rather pleasant, so she voiced no complain. On the side, Toto was trying his best not to look jealous, while Ambrose looked at the scene, hands joined behind his back and with an endeared grandpa smile¡­ extremely disturbing on his twenty-something year old face.


    *thump*


    The whole cave suddenly shook as a shockwave rippled through the air. Everyone stiffened ¨C except Toto who was a plush and thus soft by nature ¨C and turned their gazes towards the now fully formed, though still ethereal, monarch who was flying in circle around his own scorched corpse. It whole translucent body was slowly pulsating and with each flaps of his wing, flakes of light scattered and the surrounding relative darkness shimmered.


    The flapping was getting faster by the second, as was the glowing pulsation. Victoria¡¯s guts twisted.


    ¡°I have a bad feeling about this¡­¡±


    Though she said it with a twisted smile¡­


    And, as if to respond to her expectations, all light in the vicinity suddenly gathered around the reborn Guardian. Then [Butterfly King ¡°Andr¨¦¡±]¡­ exploded, like a greenish white orb expanding in all directions at once.


    With a synchronous yelp, Ambrose and Toto reacted simultaneously. The ghost vanished on the spot and the plush rushed to Victoria, who, master at improvisation, opened her inventory in one sweep of her forefinger thought the air. Toto jumped and disappeared into the unexplored abyss of interdimensional storage.


    Sole undead left in the room with no escape route, the Progenitor ducked behind Athena while the latter swiftly equipped her shield, slammed it in the ground and ducked behind it herself.


    *WOOOOOOOOOSH*


    For fifteen seconds, the tide of holy light washed over them accompanied by a thundering noise. However the Shieldbearer¡¯s health didn¡¯t decrease at all. In fact she could have removed her shield and stood up and no harm would have come to her. Yet she kept her ground, in order to protect the dhampir girl who was curled up in ball behind her, staring at her own depleting health bar and muttering: ¡°¡­nononononononono¡­¡±


    Then everything stopped as abruptly has it had started.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    After the unexpected cleansing assault, tensed silence and darkness reigned in the cave. Neither Andr¨¦ nor his corpse was anywhere to been seen and gone too was the ambient glow that had faintly illuminated the place until now. The lack of light didn¡¯t hinder the two girls however, as both had natural night vision.


    Then the silence was broken by a melodious outcry.


    ¡°Whaaat waaaas THAAAAT?! *cough* *wheeze* Did it just try go *pop* after forcing us to wait for¡­ aaah-ah¡­ for almost TWO FREEAKING HOURS?!?¡± *cough* *COUGH*


    ¡°No clue,¡± shrugged Athena as she surveyed the surrounding obscurity with vigilance. ¡°More importantly. Vicky, are you alright?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, yeah¡­ *cough* Safe¡­¡± the dhampir difficultly answered while squinting at her health bar.


    The thin horizontal pipe-like icon was flickering red and the number besides it displayed a very concerning <1/210>.


    She already felt like she was dying, her body was heavy and she could barely breathe. She slowly reached out to her inventory and took out a low level [Healing Potion]. One of the only ¡°advantages¡± of being as frail as a new-born mollusc was that she made economies on recovery items, but she honestly didn¡¯t care, though Athena might appreciate that fact.


    Victoria¡¯s movements were prudent as she drank the reddish liquid ¨C Though it was red, it looked more like water mixed with grenadine syrup than blood ¨C because she was afraid that one wrong move and she would die from biting her tong or something.


    She didn¡¯t need to be so cautious however, because health in Untold Tales didn¡¯t quite work like that.


    It would have been quite inconvenient and unrealistic if it did.


    Imagine some mighty warrior, who for example was epically walking back towards his followers on background of setting sun after single-handedly defeating a dragon. The man would be burnt, covered in blood, probably slightly disremembered, with barely any life left, yet he would be crowned with the immense glory of his legendary achievement. How stupid would it be if he then swatted a fly in his cheek and died?


    *Two seconds to imagine a bloody knight slapping himself to death¡­*


    Ridiculous.


    If someone¡¯s HP fell to zero, death was circumstantial, not systematic. If the cause was a scimitar thought the skull¡­ yeah. That was pretty much it. Bleeding to death was also quite¡­ deadly. However if the cause was the dreadful encounter of your little toe versus the Demon Lord ¡°Furniture Corner¡±, you would only collapse in a comatose state. Admittedly that still looked pretty stupid, but at least there remained a faint chance of being nursed back to life.


    Of course, turning undead was also a possibility, but, with a few notable exceptions like vampires and liches, being undead usually sucked.


    Victoria wasn¡¯t one to focus on such details though. And Elric had very rarely fought against monsters which equalled him in power. His opponents had been either so weak he mowed them down while mentally completing his grocery list, or so strong he would barely have the time to think ¡°¡­this might have been a mistake.¡± before at least half of his body was blasted out of the mortal plane.


    So, basically, the Progenitor had no idea there existed a step between life and obliteration.


    She was a very selective Knowledgeable.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Quest update:


    Rest in Pieces


    Congratulation, adventuresses! Andr¨¦ the Butterfly King was freed from his torments and arose back to his mommy in heaven to cry pitifully in her bosom. Don¡¯t judge him. You too would feel like crying if you had been imprisoned in your own decaying flesh for three hundred years, then skewered by a stalagmite, beaten up, got your brain turned into bloody pasty and had your remains desecrated in fire. SHAME ON YOU!!


    Consequences:


    1. Though she kinda feels like turning you into a flea for butchering her son so crudely, the goddess Insecta nevertheless grants you an appropriated blessing¡­ if only to piss off the gods of Light who always make fun of her. You received the Greater Blessing [Friend of the Butterflies]. From this moment on, no butterfly will ever wish you ill. As a bonus, the goddess threw in [Friend of the Moths] too¡­ although it¡¯s mostly because making a distinction is a pain, even for her.


    2. Artefact: [Sacrificial Dagger of the Soul-Eater]. You might want to pick that up. It¡¯s on the ground where the corpse was. No, no, don¡¯t thank me.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Both Athena and Victoria received the same message announcing the completion of their quest, then another few windows popped up after that, mainly experience stuff.


    Incidentally, the Shieldbearer gained a level while the Bloodsoul Mage gained three. Toto didn¡¯t gain anything. Not because pets didn¡¯t get experience, but because under his appearance of cute puppy Border Collie hellhound, he was a freaking ancestral dragon and he would have eaten Monarch the Undead Moth for breakfast if he had been at full power.


    While Victoria, still sitting on the ground ¨C she actually enjoyed sitting on hard surfaces ¨C, was busy adding all her skill points in Agility as usual ¨C she had gotten a bit more responsible with the management of her status, but she hated to think about it ¨C Athena made a weird face.


    ¡°Vicky?¡±


    ¡°Mmmh?¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t the quest update a little¡­¡± she trailed off.


    ¡°A little what?¡±


    ¡°Too personalized?¡±


    The dhampir raised an eyebrow and checked the history of her log to once again read the earlier message. After a moment, tilting her head, she replied: ¡°Nope¡­ Seems like usual to me. Why?¡±


    ¡°Nothing,¡± the tall woman sighed while dropping her shoulders.


    But then she raised her head again. She looked a bit like she was about to cry.


    ¡°Vicky¡­?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°[Friend of the Butterfly]¡­ Is that really a Greater Blessing?¡±


    Victoria shrugged.


    ¡°It was granted by a divinity, so¡­ I guess?¡±


    ¡°Can butterfly even wish ill to people?¡±


    The dhampir chuckled dejectedly.


    ¡°Yeah¡­ I feel so blessed right now¡­¡±


    Suddenly, a humanoid form emitting a faint glow begun to materialised in the darkness. Both the adventuress immediately jumped on their feet, Athena lifting her shield and Victoria mentally reviewing all the spells she could think of.


    ¡°Kekeke. Quite a fright, was it not, young ones?¡±


    It was just Ambrose though and the two girls groaned in annoyance.


    ¡°From the power that lies within, come forth, blast the vermin. [Soul Blast].¡±


    *WROOOSH*


    ¡°WOOO-HO!!¡± shouted the ghost while diving out of the way of the reddish blue ethereal fireball. ¡°What was that for?¡±


    ¡°Reflex,¡± replied Victoria in a deadpan voice.


    ¡°Do not develop that kind of reflex, young one!¡±


    ¡°Whatever, old fart. By the way, how come a Butterfly King turned into a moth when undead?¡±


    ¡°Ah? Eeeeh¡­ You see, young one, magic works in mysterious ways and-¡±


    ¡°Want me to let the dog out?¡±


    ¡°NOOO!!¡±


    ¡°¡°¡­¡±¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡°¡­¡±¡±


    *cough* ¡°I mean¡­ That shall not be necessary. Enough of this. I only came back for a last formality.¡±


    Without leaving time for Victoria to retort, the ancient Soul Mage clapped his hands once. A couple dozen orbs of bluist light of different sizes appeared out of thin air and began circling around him disorderly.


    Confused at first, the dhampir then opened wide eyes.


    ¡°Are those?¡±


    ¡°Indeed. I believed you would like the opportunity of a proper farewell.¡±


    Stolen novel; please report.


    A bright yet vaguely apoplectic smile spread on Victoria¡¯s face.


    ¡°Oh, thank you old man! ¡­and sorry for the [Soul Blasts].¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°And the dragon breath.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°And the crotch bite.¡±


    ¡°¡­ *sigh* I forgive you. Your anger is warranted. I also tricked you and abused your kindness, young knight. Let us consider ourselves even and leave this history of past mutual abuses behind.¡±


    ¡°Are we and old SM couple or what?¡± Victoria shivered at Ambrose¡¯s wording.


    ¡°Well¡­ technically¡­¡±


    ¡°DO NOT DARE SAY ANOTHER WORD!!¡±


    ¡°Kekeke¡­ Now, I think there is someone here who would like to greet you first.¡±


    He raised his right hand and the smallest yet brightest of the light spheres came floating towards it. He then mumbled something and gently dropped the ball on the ground. It began to grow, rapidly taking the shape of a little girl. Although she now was blue and translucent, there was no mistaking her long twin-tails and simple checkered dress.


    Dorothy, no, Dorothy¡¯s ghost stood there, looking uncomfortable, intertwining her fingers and hesitating to meet Victoria¡¯s gaze.


    After a few seconds of awkward silence, the dhampir sigh indulgently and called out in a mockingly scolding voice: ¡°Hey, little Sis, Big Sister is home and you don¡¯t even greet her properly? I don¡¯t remember rasing such a rude little girl.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Dorothy raised her head, then lowered it again. ¡°So-*hiccups*-Sorry I lied, Big Br- Sister.¡±


    ¡°Oh, sweetheart¡­¡±


    A gentle smile bloomed on Victoria¡¯s lips, and Athena, who was observing quietly from the side-lines, felt a pike of jealousy in her guts for some reason.


    She immediately reprimanded herself for being jealous that someone who wasn¡¯t even her girlfriend ¨C ¡­yet. No!  Don¡¯t think that! ¨C smiled lovingly at another girl. It was stupid, she knew, especially since the other girl was a NPC. A dead underage NPC at that. Though did age even mattered with undead?


    However Athena couldn¡¯t help but feel a little dejected, thinking that the crazy dhampir would probably never look at her in such a way¡­ never look at her like she was something fragile which the pale girl wanted to cherish and protect.


    She was a little taken aback that she actually wanted someone to think of her as fragile, after all this time spent building herself an image of strength and indestructibility. Maybe it was her true desire to be seen as who she really was and not as the armour she had constructed, constructed specifically in fear of the reaction others would have when seeing that true self? Maybe she knew Victoria wouldn¡¯t judge, or even care, if she ever saw how broken Athena¡­ no¡­ how broken Eva really was?


    For the umpteenth time since meeting the random girl, Athena found herself trapped in her own emotional roller coaster, her usually logic mind thrown off course.


    The most ironic about the tall woman¡¯s confusion was that she had yet to notice that, this gaze of Victoria¡¯s she so desired, the Princess often had it when the Shieldbearer wasn¡¯t paying attention. More specifically, in those moments when ¡°Athena¡± was distracted and acted out of character, when bits and pieces of the frightened Eva leaked through the cracks of her hardened shell.


    Although, being a shallow individual, Victoria also wasn¡¯t conscious of the way she herself looked at her friend.


    Towards the almost crying Dorothy, however, the dhampir somewhat knew what she was doing. She crouched on the ground, opened her arms and, with the tip of her fingers beckoned the little ghost to come closer. Finally, with an uncertain smile that soon turned into uncontrollable sobs, Dorothy rushed towards her.


    ¡°BI-*hiccups*-IG SIST¡­er?¡±


    Jumping into her Big Sister¡¯s opened arm, Dorothy was quite surprised when¡­ she passed right through her. Victoria too was slightly surprised, but mostly she felt dumb.


    ¡°Ah¡­ Right¡­ Didn¡¯t take that into consideration.¡±


    She quickly casted the [Soul Grab] spell, spun around, crouched, and repeated the exact same gesture as earlier.


    ¡°Now, come to Big Sis.¡±


    Dorothy was stunned for a couple seconds, then her tiny shoulders began to shake uncontrollably. Soon, she was bent in two, holding her sides and laughing. Victoria looked rather embarrassed.


    After some time, the little girl rose her head again, wiping tears at the corners of her eyes, and beamed a bright smile towards the scatter-brained dhampir.


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ Big Sister, you¡¯re still an idiot are you?¡±


    ¡°Hoy!¡± Victoria stepped forwards and karate-chopped the laughing ghost. ¡°That¡¯s not a nice thing to say¡­ though I¡¯ll admit it might be true.¡±


    The little sister rushed to her metamorphosed self-proclaimed sibling and tearfully hugged her waist. Victoria patted the crying girl on the head.


    ¡°Calm. Calm. Told you I¡¯d be back... mostly. I might have lost a couple kilos on the way.¡±


    *sob* ¡°You-You got a few more in some places though¡­ Hihi¡­¡±


    ¡°Ho! Naughty little demon. Who taught you those kinds of things?¡±


    Dorothy chuckled, jumped a little and clutched her arms around the dhampir¡¯s neck, forcing Victoria¡¯s ear next to her mouth.


    ¡°But I think you¡¯re prettier that way, Big Bro~ther,¡± she whispered.


    ¡°Ho-ho? Now you¡¯ve done it! Tickle Punishement!!¡± the Princess shouted as she grabbed the little girl, imprisoning her between her own arms and mercilessly torturing her sides with her nibble fingers trained by hours of [Tailoring] and [Sewing].


    Thankfully, [Soul Garb] gave the Bloodsoul Mage a greater apparent strength when handling spirits, otherwise her current self would have never been able to lift the little ghost.


    After several minutes of back and forth between the unconventional siblings, player and NPC, ghost and dhampir, born girl and ¨C kinda ¨C former man, Victoria suddenly noticed another blue translucent silhouette staring at them from besides Ambrose.


    The dhampir rose from the ground where she had been rolling with Dorothy, and faced the newcomer.


    ¡°Martha¡­¡±


    The woman¡¯s face was peaceful, a small smile had even invaded her lips. Yet Victoria still couldn¡¯t feel at ease in her presence. Her wariness was again reinforced when she saw that ice was spreading from the spot Martha¡¯s ethereal feet were touching the cave floor.


    ¡°I see you found my clothes to your liking,¡± the ex-torturer stated as greeting, with what probably was the closest thing she could express to a smug smirk.


    ¡°Ah¡­ This¡­ How can I say-¡±


    ¡°Princess,¡± Martha interrupted on a formal tone. ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to finally see you again. You also, my lo-¡° she threw a discreet glance towards Athena, who clearly was trying not to intrude, then corrected herself, ¡°lady, I cannot thank you enough for the help you provided us, on both matters concerning Dorothy and milady Victoria.¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­¡± The dhampir awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. ¡°It was nothing really. And I¡¯m not sure if I can do much for your Princess.¡±


    ¡°It won¡¯t be necessary. Just keep her soul safe and Master Corbin will take care of the rest.¡±


    ¡°He will?¡±


    ¡°I will?¡±


    Both Martha and Victoria slowly turned towards the dead Soul Mage, each displaying a different shade of killing intent, respectively absolute zero freezing and promise of literally unimaginable agony.


    ¡°O-Of course I will!¡± he stammered... then his expresion became much more serious. ¡°Of course,¡± he nodded.


    The Ice Elemental Queen¡­ eeeh¡­ Martha¡¯s ghost then reported her attention to the silent Athena. She observed her for a long time with enough intensity to start making the Shieldbearer feel uncomfortable. Then, although her face remained hard and mostly expressionless, Martha¡¯s cheek suddenly gained a deeper shade of blue.


    Did she just blush?


    Victoria had witnessed chaos in many of its incarnations, yet for the first time she thought something was really wrong with what her eyes were telling her.


    Martha coughed discreetly, a hand covering her mouth, ¨C It was obviously to give herself countenance. Ghosts don¡¯t cough. Duh. ¨C and performed a military bow, fist above the heart and body slightly bent from the waist up.


    ¡°Thank you as well, lady warrior, for your help. Although no such obligations befell you.¡±


    ¡°Ah! No¡­ I¡­ I don¡¯t deserve such¡­¡±


    Athena was clearly uncomfortable with being thanked with such seriousness. For some reason Victoria found her friend¡¯s flustered face irresistibly cute. Still in her embrace, Dorothy lifted her gaze. Seeing the endeared smile on her Big Sister¡¯s face, she alternatively looked at the dhampir and the copper-headed near-giantess, a confused look on her face. Then understanding suddenly sparkled in her eyes.


    ¡°I helped her for my own selfish reason,¡± the tall woman concluded.


    ¡°Selfishness isn¡¯t a sin. I¡¯d be worried instead if you pretended to help out of pure goodwill,¡± Martha retorted. ¡°Please accept my gratitude.¡±


    ¡°No, I¡­¡±


    As expected of an ex-officer in charge of interrogations. Everybody has their own agenda. But this Martha, really, I never heard thanks that sounded so much like orders. And Thena, just accept her gratitude. You¡¯re a great girl, just stop pretending otherwise.


    As Victoria interiorly nodded to her own wisdom, she felt a tug on her sleeve and she lowered her ear to Dorothy¡¯s level.


    Cupping her hand secretively to keep her voice from the others, the little girl murmured: ¡°The big woman, she is like Martha, right?¡±


    ¡°Like Martha?¡± Victoria whispered back for confirmation, although a possibility already had formed in her mind.


    ¡°She likes girls. I mean as¡­ lovers?¡±


    ¡­Ragnarok. This is Ragnarok.


    *cough* ¡°Hum¡­ yeah¡­ she¡­ Athena does.¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re a boy, Big Brother!¡±


    ¡°Yes. But she doesn¡¯t know that.¡±


    Dorothy gave her a surprised and scolding glare, and for an instant, Victoria saw Martha¡¯s reflection in her adoptive daughter. She shivered.


    ¡°Lying is bad!¡±


    ¡°Then Big Sister is a bad girl.¡±


    The little ghost glared for another second, then giggled softly.


    ¡°I knew that.¡±


    ¡°You¡­¡±


    ¡°Well, then Big Brother just has to stay a girl forever!¡±


    ¡°You say scary things sometimes¡­ Though again I don¡¯t disagree¡­¡±


    Is this what they call a child¡¯s truth?


    During their whispered exchange, Athena had apparently ended up ceding in face of Martha¡¯s unshakeable gratitude, and was now looking incredibly awkward.


    And it wasn¡¯t about to get any better, because Dorothy suddenly freed herself from Victoria¡¯s hug ¨C in truth, the spell¡¯s effect dissipated and she slipped right through the dhampir¡¯s arms ¨C and floated up to the Shieldbearer. Stopping before the woman who was at least half-a-metre taller than herself, Dorothy stared at her like a father examining his daughter¡¯s boyfriend.


    Seriously¡­ What has Martha been teaching that kid?


    Athena was seriously beginning to wonder why everyone was so obsessed with staring at her. She casted a glance at Victoria, who raised her hands in helplessness. She had no idea either what her chosen little sister wanted.


    Then Dorothy nodded, visibly agreeing to her own conclusions, and abruptly bowed deeply in front of Athena.


    ¡°P-P-Please ta-take care of my Big Sister!¡±


    OH! Dorothy? What are you saying?


    ¡°I will.¡±


    YOU AGREE?! And what¡¯s with the overly serious tone?


    The dhampir rubbed her forehead.


    ¡°Why do I feel like I just have been married of?¡± she mumbled to herself.


    * * *


    Many moments of laughter, tears, and awkwardness later ¨C including cameos by several other villagers, all dead of course ¨C the time for everyone to say their true farewell eventually came.


    ¡°Then, my ladies, I will take my leave. Once more, you have my gratitude. Princess, I reiterated my previous offer, feel free to consider my former home yours,¡± Martha said with yet another formal bow, the she ¨C oh so faintly ¨C smirked. ¡°Of course, this includes my wardrobe.¡±


    ¡°Got it Martha, thank you¡­ I guess,¡± Victoria shook her head.


    ¡°Bye, Big Sister Vicky! You too, Big Sister Thena!¡± Dorothy happily waved.


    Victoria would have sworn she heard Athena blissfully repeat ¡°Big Sister Thena¡± in a murmur. She wasn¡¯t sure, but the tall woman had her creepy absent-minded Eva-style half-smile, so she concluded she had heard right. Moreover, with what Victoria had gathered about Eva¡¯s idolization of her own elder sibling, she could understand how being called so would make the insecure girl feel good.


    ¡°Byyyye!¡± Victoria replied with a tensed smile. ¡°I would hug you goodbye, but I actually managed to empty my mana pool with the last spell.¡±


    Dorothy had insisted that she performed magic tricks and Victoria had been more than happy to comply. But now she felt tired and drained. Moreover, she suddenly had remembered a detail about their current situation, and this was why her smile was so tensed.


    ¡°Goodbye, Dorothy, Martha. It has been a pleasure to meet you,¡± Athena said in turn, having completely recovered her seriousness and also visibly tensed.


    Nothing more dangerous or weirder than an exploding butterfly king has happened in the past three hours. Things are about to go wrong.


    She sensed that somehow her definition of ¡°weird¡± was starting to evolve in an uncommon direction, but she decide not to mind it and instead focused on discreetly surveying her surroundings. Nothing seemed off. And that was specifically what scared her.


    Then she noticed Victoria was also tensed, and her mind nearly made an instantaneous shift to Defcon Four.


    ¡°Yes. Let us depart. Young ones, we will see each other again, if Fate wills it.  However this time I honestly believe a long time shall pass before such occurence. At least as long as I have not found a source of magical power sufficient to enact my ultimate ritual.¡±


    ¡°Take you time, old fart, I¡¯ll keep an eye on your angry beloved.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± he bowed deeply, looking honourable and truly princely for the first time since Elric fist met him.


    With a clap, Dorothy and Martha, one still waving and the other closing her eyes peacefully, turned back to their soul orbs forms and began once again to float around Ambrose. Then the latter performed a series of hand gestures and pronounced several words that Victoria recognised thanks to her intermediate [Ancient Language Mastery], though she couldn¡¯t fathom their meaning¡­ yet.


    The dead Soul Mage lifted his palms up and, with the sound of broken glass, space itself shattered and a rift opened mid-air in the middle of the cave. Beyond it lurked abyssal yet comforting darkness. Immediately, the souls of the villagers were sucked up through the rift and disappeared within the darkness.


    ¡°Well¡­¡± commented the dhampir, ¡°that was-¡±


    But it was not over, as a loud wail suddenly shook the cave ¨C Victoria was actually worried the whole place would collapse from all that repetitive shaking.


    From the [River of Lost Souls], a literal torrent of murky white bodies took flight, rushing adamantly towards the opened portal to the Ether. Athena tensed, believing the catastrophe she feared was upon them, however the tormented spirits ignored them, too focused they were to finally obtain the peaceful eternal rest that had for so long been denied to them.


    The gloomy fast-paced procession continued for what seemed like hours. And though it didn¡¯t actually take that long, there was a whole river of those things to empty, so, yes, it took quite some time. Time during which Victoria kept glancing nervously at the entrance of the cave ¨C the real entrance, not the once through which the two adventuresses had fallen. Of course, Athena noticed her actions and tensed even more, to the point she feared the joints of her bones would actually snap from the muscle pressure applied to them.


    She wanted to ask her pale friend about what was going on, but a glance at the blood that was slowly flowing down Victoria¡¯s cheeks decided Athena to keep her questions to herself for a little while longer.


    Eventually the flow of the dead came to an end and the rift abruptly slammed close in a thundering crashing noise.


    Ambrose, who had stayed immobile for the whole duration of the process, actually looked quite tired for someone who had been dead for two millennia.


    ¡°Wasn¡¯t that a bit too grandiose?¡± Victoria asked. ¡°I thought that, without a curse of some sort, souls would naturally be drawn to the Ether?¡±


    ¡°Normally, yes. However old souls who for too long have been chained to this world might have lost their ways to the other side.¡±


    ¡°Migratory instinct degeneration?¡±


    ¡°In a sense. Like they say, better safe than sorry. I could not risk some poor soul lingering in the mortal plane and suffering more. This is the calling of my House, and I shall uphold it to the bitter end.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± Victoria was not snarky for once.


    ¡°Now, young ones, I truly must be going. This has been a most interesting partnership, but I need to rest.¡±


    ¡°See you, old fart. Take care.¡±


    ¡°Goodbye, sir.¡±


    ¡°Goodye, friends. Kekekekekekekekekekekekekeke¡­¡±


    After Ambrose slowly dematerialised very creepily while laughing, the two girls stayed silence for a while. Then it was Athena who this time broke it.


    ¡°Are you okay, Vicky?¡±


    ¡°You above all persons should know how that question is annoying,¡± Victoria retorted, yet her tone was playful and she had already wiped the tears of blood off her face. ¡°But, yes. I¡¯m good.¡±


    ¡°She was a nice girl¡­ Dorothy, I mean,¡± Athena continued while staring at the empty space where the rift had been.


    ¡°Yeah. And a little devil at the same time¡­ But I suppose that little girls are supposed to be.¡±


    ¡°You sound like an old man.¡±


    ¡°Do I?¡±


    ¡°Yes. And I can quite see you being a terrible daughter.¡±


    ¡°Hahaha¡­ Ha¡­ Ha¡­ Terrible daughter¡­ yeah¡­ What about you?¡±


    Seeing Athena freeze at her question, Victoria knew she had stepped on a landmine. When the tall woman¡¯s breath actually started to get rough, reminding Victoria of Eva¡¯s freak-out Nicolas had witnessed, the dhampir immediately took action... meaning she spouted the most outrageous thing she had in mind in order to distract her hyperventilating companion.


    ¡°You know, I kinda wanted to keep her as pet. Put her in a plush. Or maybe stich a body up with corpse pieces. Probably a mix of human and animal parts. Or from monsters. Experiment a bit. I mean, come on! She considered me her older sister. You can difficulty find a more devoted spirit. Hehehehe. I doubt she would have protested to anything I asked. I always wanted my own obedient lab-rat slave. It¡¯s a shame I had no managem in my inventory. Oh, and with a little train-OUCH!!¡±


    ¡°WHAT NONSENSE ARE YOU SPOUTING AGAIN?!! DO YOU EVEN REALISE HOW INHUMAN YOU SOUND RIGHT NOW?!¡±


    Me and my stupid comforting methods¡­


    ¡°Owow¡­ Hahaha¡­ Of course I do¡­ But those are just theoretical ideas anyway.¡±


    ¡°¡­yeah. Better be. Vicky, sometimes I really worry about your mental state.¡±


    ¡°That makes two of us, Cutie-pie.¡±


    I¡¯m actually a little scared that I would have done it if Thena hadn¡¯t been there. Where would my morals stop me when weighing my hentai fetishes and the realism of this world against each other, I wonder? ¡­Well, I can still use those managems another day. How many do I have again? I never bothered counting.


    ¡°Okay. Good.¡± Victoria clapped her hands like a satisfied Japanese finishing their meal. ¡°With that out of the way¡­ shall we run for our lives?¡±


    That last statement took a few seconds to sink in Athena¡¯s brain. Then her head snapped towards the innocently grinning girl.


    ¡°Wait¡­ what?¡±


    *rumble**rumble**rumble*


    ¡°RRrrrrRRRrrrrraaaaaah!!!!¡±


    ¡°¡­Oh, Vicky, for fuck¡¯s sake!¡±


    * * *


    While an unknown threat rapidly advanced towards the Progenitor and her Soulbound¡­


    Somewhere¡­ Somewhere far away from our two heroines, yet so close¡­


    In a plane avoided by all intelligent life forms, and even instinctively feared by the dumbest beings of the Creation ¨C which was probably a way to say that Victoria was dumber than dumbest¡­


    In an upside-down tea-house made of singing spoons and dancing clocks full of butter¡­


    Where bunnies laid eggs and cowterpillars smoked dragonweed¡­


    A tall man was floating leisurely, tapping the top-hat he was wearing above the formless multi-coloured whirlpool that he had currently on a whim decided to be its head¡­


    Twirling in the air, the man was pondering¡­


    ¡°Now¡­ Now¡­ What am I going to do with you two? Hehehehe¡­¡±


    Unable to answer, two glowing blue orbs simply continued to mutely hover above his gloved hand.


    * * * * *


    <1> Monarch butterfly:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <hr />


    And here¡¯s another chapter, a slow one, though long. Circa 6.7k I believe.


    Also, I¡¯ll be away on my Good Deed Week helping sick and old people proclaim their faith to God in an overly touristic pilgrimage location ¨C though I never went there so I¡¯m just stating prejudice here ¨C and therefore, to my deepest shame, there won¡¯t be more chapter until at least Monday the 24th.


    However, I can say with certitude that a new main character will be introduced in said next chapter¡­ well¡­ ¡°main¡±¡­ Toto-level main¡­ Part of the crazy party in other words.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    And thus, without further excuses, I thank you for your faithfulness and declare I shall see you next chapter¡­


    PS: You could always read this to pass time: Harcore Op-ness</a> by Mike777ac. You know, the one who writes Immortal Soul</a>. This story is fucked-up.

 V1.16 – Cheer up, let’s run away!

    Chapter 16:


    Cheer up, let¡¯s run away!


    ¡°RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!!¡±


    ¨C Monty Python and the Holy Grail <1>


    * * * * *


    ¡°Damn it Vicky! What¡¯s going on this time?¡±


    An eerie clamour was rapidly filling the boss room, now devoid of its primary occupant. Loud disorderly footsteps, angry wails and inarticulate curses were getting louder by the second, preceded by a low heavy cloud of dark green miasma exuding from the large jagged opening leading to the rest of the dungeon.


    ¡°Elementary my dear Thena,¡± the dhampir shrugged. ¡°The mobs ¨C the ones we didn¡¯t kill them when we bypassed the whole dungeon ¨C were attracted by Ambrose¡¯ Ether Portal and are coming to say ¡®hi¡¯.¡±


    ¡°¡­that¡¯s rather concise, coming from you.¡±


    ¡°I can be. And you seem to like it that way.¡±


    ¡°Oh, thanks.¡±


    ¡°Anything for you, saftige Schatz.¡±


    ¡°Vicky,¡± Athena sighed. ¡°Just because you switch to German doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯ll accept those pet names.¡±


    ¡°Tsk.¡±


    *WHEEeeeEEEeeeeEEZZZZZE*


    As if they had been waiting to be introduced to make their apparition, the first monsters came into view.


    A swarm of [Warden Spectres] flew out of the wall opposite to the two adventuresses. Quite unoriginally, they looked like translucent humanoids with trails of smoke instead of legs. They also had claws and fangs and cute little butterfly wings. And they were seemingly in a terrible mood, as if their favourite candy had been dangled before their eyes, only to be snatched away at the last second. They weren¡¯t an imminent threat though, because as soon as they entered the vast grotto, they started tearing each other apart for no apparent reason.


    Following the sulky fratricide shoal entered a quartet of [Fallen King¡¯s Guards]. The three metres high, centaur-like, butterfly-ish creatures had an appearance similar to how Andr¨¦ had looked as a moth, prior to his ¨C painfully slow ¨C rebirth, except that a slender human torso was sprouting from each of their thoraxes. Once upon a time, they might have looked as beautiful as high elves, despite their multi-faceted eyes, however now they only looked like your average undead John Doe: pale, creepy, drooling, and exemplarily decomposed.


    Then came a large group of [Resurrected Butterfly Cultists]. With their tall cloaked figures and faces clouded in the darkness of their hoods, the cultists might have looked decently intimidating¡­ but the effect was utterly crushed by the pair of fuzzy pink balls swinging above their heads, attached by flexible stems to a wooden headband.


    Behind those peculiar monsters, a horde of various undead mobs ¨C all butterflied in one way or another ¨C slowly flooded into the dark cave, displaying the usual consternating velocity of zombies.


    ¡°UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARGH!!¡±


    One notable exception though manifested itself in the form of [Very Unlucky Archaeologist ¡°Luke¡±]. The rather plain-looking undead darted towards the Progenitor and her Soulbound, screaming and foaming and brandishing what looked like an extremely old, extremely rusted shovel.


    It feels weird every time I see a monster with an acquaintance¡¯s name. The designers should apologise to my brother. Mmmh¡­ I wonder how he¡¯s doing. He said he joined a guild recently¡­ Should have asked the name of the guild. Now that I think about it¡­ What was Luke¡¯s class again?


    With his uncommon speed, Luke the strange zombie rushed past the clownish cultists and the four Fallen Guards, and lunged at the mismatched duo. Athena raised her shield to intercept the shovel, which was swung with surprising mastery, and¡­


    ¡°UUUUUU-¡± *tap* ¡°ARGH-¡± *splarsh*


    ¡­the undead archaeologist tripped and splattered on the large shield. The shovel fell clattering on the ground and was left there, its threat level considerably lowered.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Unlucky indeed.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s problematic,¡± complained Athena while scratching her head with her free left hand. ¡°I know I should be prepared for battle, but I really can¡¯t feel tensed because of those guys. It annoys me, but I suggest we flee.¡±


    Victoria gulped down a mid-tier mana potion and looked at her blue gauge which began to fill slightly faster.


    Then she answered: ¡°Mmmmh¡­ Yeah¡­ Well, without the river, we can go out the way we came in, no? Pffff¡­ It¡¯s in situations like this that I somehow miss my former avatar¡­ and a good sword. Fleeing from such ridiculous pipsqueaks¡­ I used to flee from no monster¡­ and die a lot I guess¡­ Well at least I¡­ yeah¡­ cute¡­ maybe love¡­ wonder¡­ both crazy¡­ candyfloss¡­ fucked up¡­ though¡­ fun¡­ birthday?¡±


    Athena, uncaring of the gory remains maculating her gear, glanced at the slowly approaching multitude, which was still increasing in numbers, and then at her nearby companion, who was distractedly picking her nose while sighing, mumbling unintelligibly and looking at the ceiling.


    I suppose she isn¡¯t tensed either¡­ Though, is she ever?


    Unceremoniously, the Shieldbearer picked up the Bloodsoul Mage and yanked the slender girl over her shoulder. Victoria didn¡¯t protest and instead enjoyed the sensation of the tall woman¡¯s warm cheek against her butt through the thin leather of her suit. She yawned and closed her eyes, lulled by her favourite bedtime ambiance: undead wails.


    ¡°Riiaaawn¡­ Right¡­ Thena, don¡¯t forget the dagger.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    Athena nodded and adopted a moderate trot. She went towards the hungry mob, casually deflecting a few incoming projectiles ¨C one of the monsters even threw its own head ¨C with her filthy shield. Without lowering her pace, she bent down and picked up the short crude weapon, before making a U-turn and shifting her track towards where the waterfall¡­ ectoplasmafall used to be.


    Reopening her eyes, the Victoria extended a hand from Athena¡¯s back and gestured for the dagger to be handed over to her. The Shieldbearer complied, before reaffirming her hold on the dhampir¡¯s upper-upper-upper-thighs.


    With a little smile ¨C and a mental chibi version of herself scowling in confusion from her own enjoyment of this casual molesting ¨C Victoria observed the [Sacrificial Dagger of the Soul-Eater]. On the outside, it looked like a rather crude bone knife with no outstanding feature besides its extraordinary sharpness.


    ¡°[Hereditary Memory].¡±


    *pupuuuu*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Failed to identify the item.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    Failure uh? Because it¡¯s new I guess, so it doesn¡¯t exist in ¡°my¡± ancestors¡¯ database. Well, back to the good old method. We¡¯re going to Start anyway. Might as well go meet that perverted geezer.


    Victoria sighed and threw the dagger in her inventory.


    I don¡¯t really want to meet him in this body though¡­ Then again, I might get the cutie discount. Why don¡¯t I feel grossed out by this perspective? And where is that pauldron <2> pressing? ¡­ Anyway, I need to get that thing appraised somehow, so I don¡¯t really have a choice.


    General appraisal skills like [Hereditary Memory] were extremely rare. Players and NPCs most often had knowledge only about items linked to their specific professions, which made identifying uncommon artefacts a rather complicated issue.


    Low level enchantments could be analysed by competent mages, but more often than not, the power of magic tools were discovered by trial and error¡­ a very dangerous and inefficient method when some of those artefacts could only be used once¡­ or when the aforementioned power was something unpleasant like invoking a rain of watermelons, spreading a deadly epidemic of Tentaculis Varicella, reversing the gravity in the sewers, or turning all the cats inside a designated city in man-eating flying tunas.


    Thankfully for everyone, such absurd objects were scarcely found¡­


    Except by a certain person¡­


    After a particularly regrettable incident involving a provincial lord¡¯s daughter, a woollen skirt and a very pissed flowery swordsman, Elric had thus decided he was in need of a more reliable testing method.


    This resolution had ended up ¨C via scores of ludicrous twists and turns ¨C with the Wandering Knight rediscovering the [Lost Library of Butv¡¯Erisit] and its immortal guardian. The old man had been a ridiculously powerful archmage. Even Elric would have been but a fly to swat for the [Lore Keeper ¡°Bartimeus Octavelnor Bremedion¡±]¡­ alias Bob.


    However, like most of his kind, Bob the Immortal had been suffering from a disease worse than death.


    He was bored out of his wrinkled undying ass.


    After amassing almost all the knowledge the world had to offer ¨C or at least everything he could or bothered to get his greedy hands on ¨C little could still arose his interest.


    Nevertheless, on that fateful day when he should have pitifully died, as it had just so happened, Elric the Reckless Imbecile had, unbeknownst to himself, been wearing the [Red Tights of Papa Kmurf], an item which had greatly interested the idle Lore Keeper. Thus, after two weeks of joint research through the crumbling meanders of the criminally unkempt Lost Library, they had finally identified the strange legwear, and had become friends in the process.


    Feeling generous towards his first friend in a little eternity, Bob had granted the Wandering Knight full access to the library ¨C a very dubious gift since nobody beside Bob could find their way inside that labyrinth ¨C and, more importantly, the help of the immortal himself in identifying any artefact Elric might come across. The old man was horrendously stingy with his knowledge though, so his services weren¡¯t free, but it was better than wiping out a small civilisation every time the Reckless Imbecile wanted to test a magic spoon.


    For the little anecdote, the [Red Tights of Papa Kmurf] actually invoked the [Ravaging Kmurf Swarm], a terrible horde of a hundred thousand thumb-sized blue gnomes riding [Brocodiles] and [Brocoligators] ¨C two very distinct species. As soon as the tights were unsealed, the kmurpfs would rise from their slumber, emerge from the earth at the place where they once fell in battle, and rush to answer the call of Papa Kmurf, destroying everything and everyone standing in their path.


    Though Elric only had taken the cotton crimson pantyhose in that miasma-covered coffin covered in chains and laying on that black altar in that ancient cursed mausoleum because he had been cold and because repeatedly casting [Sun Warmth] was a pain¡­ How could he have known it was dangerous? Frescos depicting slaughters can be so misleading sometimes.


    Long story short, Papa Kmurf¡¯s tights had been sealed once more by Bob the Immortal and the kmurf swarm had gone back to its slumber after causing only minimal damage and eating some unimportant flowers. And Elric had gotten his appraiser, who then decided to move to Start, because the Lost Library ¨C true to its name ¨C was in the freaking middle of nowhere ¨C no, not that one ¨C and¡­ to quote Bob¡­


    ¡°The hell did my shitty city go?! Didn¡¯t even freaking slept five hundred years! Those pussies couldn¡¯t even repel that damn troll army while their king took a nap?!? Always counting on me to clean their damn messes! Trolls!? Seriously? Succubus, FUCK YEAH!! Those bitches rock! But trolls?! Have you ever fucked a female troll, Sun Kid? Well, don¡¯t. Even an immortal would almost die after that. I know. Damn! There¡¯s only ruins and fucking greenery around now! I¡¯m no nudist tree-hugger pointy-eared freak! Ain¡¯t gonna find any juicy cunt to ram my cock in here the middle of the fucking woods! Time to move out! Sun Kid, where¡¯s the biggest whorehouse in the country? Wait. What¡¯s the name of this country now?¡±


    A truly venerable being.


    * * *


    ¡°Vicky? We have a problem.¡±


    A husky voice snapped the ex-knight out of her dejected reminiscing.


    Victoria shook her head and looked around. The tall woman had unequipped her armour and was climbing the wall while carrying the Princess ¨C who still was impersonating a potato sack with brio ¨C like she was weightless¡­ which was probably true from the Shieldbearer¡¯s perspective. They were already midway up to the chasm leading to the bottom of the now empty lake. The undead horde below had almost reached the bottom of their wall.


    She then looked up, trying to locate the aforementioned problem.


    ¡°Ah.¡±


    More deformed undead were crawling out of their chosen exit, coming from the outside and scaling down the vertical stone with their six arms and clawed feet. [Spider Ghouls], the interface dutifully informed. They looked like normal humanoid ghouls though, if not for the supernumerary limbs. White-skinned, emaciated and full of sharp teeth.


    Spider Ghoul. Spider Ghoul. Does whatever Spider Ghoul does¡­ Ha-ha-ha. Am I right to assume they aren¡¯t insectivores?


    ¡°Can you fend them off?¡± the frail Princess asked her muscular friend.


    ¡°Not while climbing and carrying you. Mana?¡±


    Victoria shot a quick glance at her blue bar.


    ¡°Nope. Can shoot down one or two, but nothing more. And I¡¯d rather not faint from anaemia while on your shoulder, so the blood armoury is closed for today.¡±


    ¡°I see,¡± Athena commented sternly, her mind racing for a solution.


    The dhampir too was somehow annoyed. Usually in such predicament, Elric would have jumped in the fray and fought until he died, most likely laughing wildly for good measure. But now, though Victoria still couldn¡¯t care less about kicking the blood-filled bucket herself, leaving Athena alone was another matter.


    Well, in all honesty, Victoria already knew where the Shieldbearer would resurrect ¨C a small town near the westernmost border of Firstland ¨C and she believed she could get there rather quickly on her own, so the fastest way to get back to Start would probably be to commit suicide together.


    ¡­how idiotically romantic.


    However, by virtue of common gaming sense, this wasn¡¯t a valid option and the Reckless Imbecile had handed over the reins of their two-woman team to the one with common sense. So Suicide Express was out.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    The Princess shot another glare at her interface, then raised an eyebrow when she noticed a somewhat useful information.


    Eh? I guess I could survive at least then. But the whole point is that Thena gets out, not me¡­ Tsh. What¡¯s the point of all those numbers if they can¡¯t get you out of these kind of situations?


    If the colourful display had been equipped with an AI of its own, it might have retorted that said situation wouldn¡¯t have happened if someone had properly cleared the dungeon instead of diving straight to the boss through the back door! However, as it was, it only passively flickered.


    That flickering had been extremely vehement though.


    ¡°Aaaah¡­ Are we screwed?¡± Victoria muttered.


    ¡°Seems like it,¡± her lift gravely agreed.


    ¡°Sorry, I guess. It¡¯s kind of my fault.¡±


    ¡°Yes it is.¡±


    ¡°¡­sorry.¡±


    ¡°Nah. Shit happens.¡±


    Though Athena said that, the dhampir knew how much the tall woman¡¯s carefully raised avatar mattered to her, enough so that a single death penalty felt like a limb ripped off her body. And Athena¡¯s furrowed copper eyebrows and clenched jaws showed how she was actually refraining herself from punching the wall in frustration.


    ¡°I¡¯ll owe you one.¡±


    ¡°You bet you will.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­ If we die, next time we see each other, as an apology, I¡¯ll do anything you want me to. Okay?¡±


    ¡°Anything?¡±


    The angry Shieldbearer¡¯s face relaxed a little hearing that, and Victoria grinned, extremely proud of herself for no good reason.


    ¡°Get that lustful smirk off your face and stop drooling on my ass.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Athena blushed. ¡°I-I¡¯m not drooling!¡±


    ¡°Yes you are.¡± She wasn¡¯t though, nor was she smiling, but messing with the tall woman when she showed her bashful side was quickly becoming one of Victoria¡¯s favourite hobbies. ¡°And aren¡¯t you going to deny having a lustful smirk? Also, we¡¯re in an emergency situation. Try to focus a little. Seriously¡­ You should chose you friends more carefully. It¡¯s obvious some of them have a bad influence on you.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be stupid. Of course I¡¯m focusing. Contrary to a certain someone, I can hold a conversation without getting distracted. It¡¯s just that I can¡¯t find a solution, so what¡¯s the point of keeping quiet?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a little fatalistic.¡±


    ¡°Realistic.¡±


    ¡°Ooooh, guys¡­ Got some holy artefact to spare?¡±


    ¡°Yes. I should have something. It¡¯s useless for me now anyway. Want it?¡±


    ¡°Yeah~ Free dope. Sweet. You¡¯re cool Sis.¡±


    ¡°No prob.¡±


    Victoria reached out to her inventory with the intention of retrieving one of the relics she was carrying¡­ then she froze, her mind catching up with her mouth.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    She slowly turned upwards to Athena, who was looking slightly dumbfounded at something on their left. Thus Victoria turned around once more, and her gaze met a pair of blind sunken white eyes, half-covered by messy brown-grey hair.


    The eyes belonged to a head which stuck out horizontally from a narrow chasm in the wall. The man¡¯s mouth was hanging sideways rather loosely and a good half of his teeth were missing or broken. His long hairs were unkempt and formed thick treads of random sizes. A large jagged hole was torn in his left cheek, revealing tendons, muscles and more shattered teeth, and his skin was deathly pale.


    A rather generic fellow from a Z-movie thus, except maybe the slightly weird rasta vibe he was emitting.


    What most interested the two adventuress however, wasn¡¯t what the guy looked like, but what the game told them he was.


    ¡°[Archzombie ¡°Nameless¡±]? What¡¯s the point of a named monster, if there¡¯s no name?¡± Victoria pondered out loud.


    ¡°No idea,¡± Athena followed up. ¡°What¡¯s an archzombie anyway?¡±


    ¡°Some kind of super zombie¡­ I guess? Never saw one before. He seems rather friendly though¡­¡±


    ¡°Eeeeeh¡­ Not to cut your flow¡­ Sis¡­ but can I have that arti¡¯?¡±


    Tilting its head even more, the nameless undead interrupted them with a stoned tone.


    Victoria looked back at him, then at the hole from which his head sprouted out, her mind switching gear to improvisation overdrive. She then glanced at the approaching [Spider Ghouls] and at the heteroclite horde gathered below them. The [Resurrected Butterfly Cultists] were apparently preparing a large spell and many of the others were slowly spreading their wings. Even the spectres seemed to finally tire from killing each other and were progressively shifting their focus on the two ¨C mostly ¨C living beings in the room.


    She spoke hurriedly: ¡°Yes. But, question: do you have a body in there?¡±


    ¡°Whaaaa? No! I did not kill no one.¡±


    Not even the sheriff? Ah! Focus.


    ¡°No, I mean. Do you have a body or are you just a head?¡±


    The archzombie weirdly chuckled.


    ¡°That¡¯s a funny question, Sis. Well, I think I do¡­ have a body I mean¡­ Well, it sometimes disappears or fly away, but it usually comes back before bedtime.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡±


    I see he completely lost it. But that¡¯ll do.


    ¡°If there¡¯s enough space for your body, is there a passage out of the dungeon where you are?¡±


    ¡°Dungeon?¡±


    ¡°Out of the cave? To the surface? Where there are trees and leaves and wind and rotting bunnies?¡±


    ¡°Ah! ¡­yeah.¡±


    ¡°Thena.¡±


    ¡°Understood. Try to hold on.¡±


    ¡°No need. It¡¯s night time.¡±


    With a thought, she unequipped all her clothes, momentarily appearing naked on Athena¡¯s shoulder. The tall woman attempted to remain stoic, but her nostrils nevertheless slightly flared open.


    ¡°[Metamophosis].¡±


    Then her body rapidly shrunk, and soon a small albinos bat stood on the Shieldbearer¡¯s shoulder. The tiny mammal attempted a thumbs up, only to glare dejectedly at the single claw on her wing afterwards. Bat-Victoria sigh inaudibly, then jumped down, unfolded her wings and came flying back up.


    Athena then nimbly scaled sideways towards the head, who was looking fascinated at the white creature circling around the Shieldbearer. She distractedly wondered how he was seeing with eyes like his, but her beautiful expert on undead was currently mute, and this was neither the time nor the place, so she pushed that thought at the back of her head and called out: ¡°Stand back!¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Get the fuck away!¡±


    ¡°Whao, calm Bro¡­ You¡¯re level of stress is waaaaay to high¡­ Hehe¡­ High.¡±


    The irascible woman clenched her jaws even more and decided to try one last time.


    ¡°I¡¯ll smash that rock to get in. So you better get back.¡±


    ¡°Oki Bro¡­ but not before we discuss about that ugly pool of anger in your heart. Look, I believe-¡±


    ¡°NOW!!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s so not good for your karma Bro¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯M A WOMAN!!¡± she shouted and slammed her left foot in the rock wall right beside the narrow crevasse.


    The nameless monster only had the time to mutter a confused ¡°no waaa-¡± before the thin sheet of stone that had covered the hidden tunnel shattered¡­ along with his head.


    A fist-sized rock was expelled by the Shieldbearer¡¯s kick, flying straight into his open mouth, exploding his remaining teeth, destroying his lower jawbone and continuing all the way to the back of his skull, severing it from his spine. The headless body slumped on the ground surrounded by debris, and upper part of his cranium rolled a little further with squishy sounds.


    Grabbing the edge of the newly created opening, Athena pulled herself inside. She winced when her foot touched the ground. Even with her stellar strength, shattering rock while wearing nothing but normal shoes hurt. And since her cursed gear forbad her from using any other kind of protection, those shoes weren¡¯t even reinforced leather boots, but only casual villager footwear. At the very least, she now had a sprained ankle and a few broken toes.


    Never mind. It¡¯s still within expectations. Can¡¯t let it slow me down. Something so minor, compared to¡­ Tsk. Why do I remember that annoyance of a man right now?


    She shook her head, to dispel the memory of the back of a slightly older young man walking limply before her with a crutch, and observed the tunnel she was in. It was dark, obviously, but it would inconvenience neither of them. The passage was high but narrow, just enough for her to walk face-on, although it would be difficult to switch place with Victoria if the Shieldbearer herself walked in the front and enemies were to come from the back, or vice versa.


    Deciding the likeliest possibility was for the monsters in the cave to catch up from behind, she addressed the dhampir: ¡°Come here, I¡¯ll do the rear-guard.¡± She frowned. ¡°Or better, keep your bat form a little longer and come on my shoulder. It¡¯ll be easier to protect you that wa-¡±


    ¡°Fascinating.¡±


    Not listening to her partner¡¯s words, the pale Princess was crouching beside the brutally decapitated undead, who was wearing only dirty rags.


    Needless to say, the dhampir herself was still in her birthday suit. Her braid had become loose in the metamorphosis, and she casually pulled strands of her flowing white mane back behind her ear, revealing two round fleshy buns dangling above the bloody corpse as she hunched further over it. Her right hand was resting on the monster¡¯s lifeless chest, gore sliding between her fingers, and a childish smile was plastered on her face while her eyes sparkled.


    Gathering all her will, Athena ripped her gaze away from the hypnotic twin swinging and tried to sound authoritative, despite her rough breathing.


    ¡°Vicky, we should go.¡±


    Suddenly coming back to reality at the sound of her friend¡¯s voice, Victoria¡¯s head snapped around and she jumped up. Athena gulped at the sudden frontal view and clenched her fists to force herself to keep her self-control. She often forgot because of how confident and crazy the pale girl always acted, but it dawned on the tall woman once again how defenceless Victoria could sometimes be.


    ¡¯Anything¡¯, she said?


    She was feeling her aggressiveness swelling up, this part of her born from her violent self-loathing and deep need to be in control by fear of the unknown, this broken side of her psyche which had mixed over the years with her desire to be comforted, to be held tightly, to be loved despite her worthlessness, and had turned into a twisted dominating libido.


    She had long ago learnt how to keep her twisted self in check, but it had progressively begun to cut loose ever since she had met the outgoing dhampir.


    Her gaze wandered on the pale smooth tights, on the naturally white hair and on the perky mounds which would fit in her palms. She gulped again. Victoria, obviously lacking the exclusively female sixth sense that seemed to warn girls when they were being checked out, didn¡¯t notice at all the way she was being looked at.


    ¡°Go? Yes, we should. The hungry bunch outside will catch up soon,¡± she replied in a casual manner, absent-mindedly scratching her chest with her bloodied hand. ¡°But could you take this guy along? He¡¯s pretty skinny, so I don¡¯t think he¡¯s that heavy¡­ Is your foot okay? You¡¯re breathing¡¯s rough.¡±


    Victoria¡¯s melodious voice was filled with sincere worry ¨C or at least as much as she was capable of ¨C and Athena¡¯s whole body jerked, like hit by lightning. She slowly exhaled, forcing her darkened emotions to back down in the depth of her mind.


    The fuck was that Eva? Are you some kind of demented rapist? DAMN!! Get your shit together! What would Sis say if she saw you right now? Oh god, what would Vicky think if she could read my thoughts right now?


    Though she knew the frail girl was already aware of her rather lustful dispositions, she really didn¡¯t want Victoria to discover how much of a ¡°sex-craving violent deviant¡± ¨C like Hellen had put it ¨C she really was.


    ¡°What? Ah. Yes, I¡¯m alright,¡± she eventually answered, her aggressiveness subdued, though still lurking. ¡°And why take him?¡±


    ¡°His soul is still in there. And I think he¡¯s regenerating. Look at the head.¡±


    Content to have something concrete to think about, and easily understanding what the Progenitor meant, the Soulbound pulled her attention towards her own [Soul Sense] and, indeed, she felt a small pulsation coming from the chest of the corpse. As for the ripped skull, it was rapidly melting into some kind of black goo while a new head was slowly growing from the severed neck.


    She nodded for Victoria¡¯s attention, without looking at her. The dhampir smiled and shifted back to her bat form, missing Athena¡¯s loud sigh. The Shieldbearer then grabbed the regenerating archzombie and, with a tiny albinos mammal perched on her shoulder, limped further in the dark tunnel, still managing a brisk pace despite her injured foot.


    Actually, she was rather glad that the pain kept her mind focused.


    * * * * *


    <1> Good old classic


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> A pauldron is the shoulder part of the armour.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <hr />


    Back from Lourdes!


    ¡­


    I never expected to say that one day. Well, meeting with handicapped and old people is rather fun in its own right. Try it, you might like it.


    Anyway, I¡¯m back and so are Victoria and Athena. Now maybe they will be able to reach Start before chapter 25¡­ but I have my doubts.


    So, thanks for reading, don¡¯t hesitate to comment ¨C or rate *wink* ¨C and see you next chapter.


    PS: I¡¯m currently bleeding from the outside of my nose¡­ What a weird feeling.

 V1.17 – Where I belong

    Chapter 17:


    Where I belong


    ¡°Lili, you know there''s still a place for people like us


    The same blood runs in every hand


    You see it¡¯s not the wings that makes the angel


    Just have to move the bats out of your head¡±


    ¨C Lili, AaRON <1>


    ¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø¡ø


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    You have logged out.


    Linked Time [4:45:52]


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    With a sigh, Eva stepped out of her W-Chair and glanced at her alarm clock, which indifferently informed her that midnight had passed an hour and twelve minutes ago.


    Maybe I should try to sleep a bit too.


    Soon after leaving the invaded boss room, the monsters had caught up to the Progenitor and her Soulbound. Within the narrow tunnel however, dealing with the creepy swarm had been relatively easy. While Athena had readied herself for a long an arduous fight, Victoria had casually shifted back to her human-ish form ¨C still naked and straining her friend¡¯s self-restraint ¨C and had unleashed the Toto-inator on the incoming mobs.


    The opening behind them had thus rapidly been plugged with charred corpses, and even the spectres had been destroyed by the dragon spirit¡¯s breath. Once again, Eva couldn¡¯t help but feel stupid for worrying, when obviously Victoria always had a backup plan.


    She¡¯s the experienced one, after all, when I¡¯m just¡­ What have I even done in that fight? I¡¯ve assaulted a comrade after she found us a shortcut. I got caught by the boss¡¯s tentacles. I distracted Vicky from the fight because I was too focused on conventional gaming, and too dumb to come up with an obvious strategy despite it being my job. And I barely was of any help overall. All I do is causing her trouble. She¡¯s a Deep Exp¡¯. I¡¯m sure she¡¯d prefer to be on some awesome adventure instead of babysitting someone like me back to Start.


    In the game, Athena was able to gain self-confidence and courage from her strength and mastery of her own skills. But as soon as she came back to reality, Eva was always too caught up with her mistakes and shortcomings to see any of the qualities which Victoria admired in her.


    And to her¡­ I almost¡­


    Eva hugged herself and shivered as she recalled to urge she had felt to push down the girl she owed so much to and use her as a toy for her own convenience.


    She even called me a friend¡­ How could I? And right after I decided not to be a burden anymore and become a decent human being¡­ I¡¯m such a trash¡­ But she said ¡°anything¡±. No! Don¡¯t read too much into it. She might be a crazy lunatic exhibitionist sociopath but¡­ but¡­


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡­eh?


    ¡°But ¡­what?¡±


    It suddenly dawned on Eva that she had been so afraid to let her true self out, that she had completely forgotten to factor in her friend¡¯s own desires.


    The only ¡°friends¡± she had until now where her sister¡¯s band members, who actually felt more like older siblings than friends, and her female classmates at school, who were very common girls at the eve of their twenties and furthermore were persuaded that Eva was some kind of quiet shy super-smart bookworm. She loved each of them dearly, but they weren¡¯t people she would feel comfortable discussing her most twisted inclinations with.


    Even her successive ¡°conquests¡± had been more about physical pleasure and self-comforting than deep emotional involvement. Their desires had been obvious, and so had hers, so she never had to question what they wanted from her or what she was willing to give.


    Victoria was different.


    Eva was attracted to the crazy girl, she was aware of that much, and sometimes she even thought her feelings were mutual. However she could never tell when Victoria was serious or just fooling around. She couldn¡¯t understand the girl. All she knew was that Victoria¡¯s cared very little about most of everything, yet could become extremely emotional about what caught her interest.


    But how much of this interest had been caught by Athena? That, Eva could only wonder about.


    She wasn¡¯t used to need to think deeply about what the person she liked might want from her. That was trekking uncertain terrains, unknown places where she wasn¡¯t in control, where she had no idea what might suddenly appear and hurt her.


    She was scared.


    Scared to be rejected. Scared of what she might do. Scared to take this step too far that would finally open Victoria¡¯s eyes on the useless being she really was and drive the merry girl away from her.


    What is she thinking?


    Staring dejectedly at her own feet, Eva lifted her fingers towards her lips and slowly caressed them. Even if they had never physically touched, not really, she could still feel the sensations of Victoria¡¯s lips pressing against hers. She hadn¡¯t thought much of the kiss at the time, her mind had had far too many things to focus on, but now she couldn¡¯t help but want more.


    For the umpteenth time, she wondered if she should just give up on changing her class and simply continue travelling as the Soulbound, at the beautiful Progenitor¡¯s side. And, for the umpteenth time, her body physically recoiled when thinking of spending the rest of her game life as a person intrinsically dependant on another.


    She felt nauseous at the idea, and confused, because another contradictory desire had been slowly taking form inside her, a deep refusal that someone else might ever take her place beside Victoria. She couldn¡¯t understand that desire. She was worthless. A burden on anyone she cared about. A pitiful girl crippled by irrational fears. What right had she to desire monopolising someone? How could she even think of restraining someone so great, when she was already inconveniencing that person to regain the freedom of her own worthless self?


    Eva crouched down, holding her head in pain. Her thoughts were a mess. A different kind of mess than when she was having one of her breakdowns. When it happened, her mind would only be filled with fear, but now it was flooded with opposing concepts that clashed against each other and threatened to destroy the fragile balance she had achieved through years of therapy.


    And, at the centre of this mess, of maybe deep within it, was a thought which she was vaguely aware of but couldn¡¯t grasp. She knew instinctively that this was the key to sooth her emotional mayhem, because she could feel herself calming down whenever she tried to comprehend it better. However, like in the cave when she first felt the existence of that thought, she remained unable to reach it.


    She slumped on the ground and remained that way, crying, face in her hands to hide her tears from God knew who, since she was alone in her bedroom.


    * * *


    Minutes passed by as only silence filled the room, only interrupted by her quiet sobs.


    Eventually, she slowly stood up, wiping her tears and shaking her head, calmed at last.


    She still hadn¡¯t found a solution to her inner turmoil, so she didn¡¯t really felt any better. But she had a long history of dealing with her unstable emotions, and a little variation in her usual breakdown pattern wouldn¡¯t phase her too much. And she thought she could be slightly optimistic in this case. She had no hope of ever overcoming her childhood trauma, but this confuse relationship between Victoria and her, or more accurately with Athena, was something that was within her ability to clarify.


    ¡°I¡¯ll ask her. Knowing Vicky, she¡¯ll give me a straight answer, no matter if it¡¯s what I want to hear or not.¡± She nodded to herself. ¡°But not before we reach Start. We¡¯ll stay together until then at least. I don¡¯t want to make things more awkward that they could already be.¡±


    She raised her head and looked around.


    Her room was fairly bare for a young woman her age. A bed, a wardrobe, a desk occupied by a laptop and school supplies, a rolling chair and shelves. Everything was more functional than decorative, with the sole exception of the CDs on the shelves, a large poster of Faust pinned on the grey wall above her bed and a gothic plush doll laying atop her black bedding.


    The latter had been a gift from her mother ¨C she had been an artist, mostly a sculptor, but also sewing as a hobby. I was a little red-haired girl with a heart-shaped eyepatch and her mouth stitched, wearing a frilly black dress with purple skulls and sheepishly holding a large bloody baseball bat behind her back.


    It was one of Eva¡¯s most precious possessions and the girl had always found the doll extremely cute. She had called it Miss Asshole Destroyer¡­ which she had meant figuratively.


    Her naming sense continued to make her mother proud in heaven, while her late father was probably sighing beside his wife.


    In the game, within another hour of walking through the darkness, Athena, Victoria, and Toto ¨C who had refused to go back in the dhampir¡¯s inventory ¨C had come across a small cave. They had dumped the regenerating undead in a corner. As a safety measure ¨C the guy had seemed friendly, but better safe than sorry ¨C they had bound the archzombie with the ropes and cuffs that the Princess just had happened to have for nebulous reasons.


    Then Victoria had told her friend that she really needed to rest for at least four real hours. Despite being still in good shape, Athena hadn¡¯t retorted nor questioned her, easily guessing the reason behind the Big Sister¡¯s lack of sleep. Thus after setting up some wards ¨C also from the dhampir¡¯s inventory ¨C both players had logged out, leaving Toto to keep watch.


    Hopeful, the moody dragon would neither run away nor grill them in their sleep. Victoria hadn¡¯t seemed too worried about it though. Well, she never really worried about anything anyway.


    Eva glanced at the clock once more. She had first thought she would sleep, but now she decided against it.


    Eva grabbed her graphically-named cuddly toy and walked up to the desk. She sat down in the chair and dropped Miss Asshole Destroyer on her lap, then switched on her laptop. She was still a little shaken, so she once again found refuge in her safe haven: numbers.


    She donned a headband to pull back her long bangs and first opened a folder named <bosses>.


    With her hands flying above the keyboard, she created a new text file in which she noted down the data concerning the [Putrid Cocoon of the Soul Eater], [Stillborn Corrupted Moth ¡°Monarch¡±] and [Butterfly King ¡°Andr¨¦¡±], their attack patterns, reaction times, estimated HP, resistances, weaknesses, calculated number of hits necessary to take down on her own based on the aforementioned stats, different strategies that could have been implemented on hindsight, and other various relevant information.


    This systematic organisation of data was essentially for her personal use. However, because she was unwilling to spend the household money for herself, Eva sometimes sold the information she gathered to other UT players.


    Since she had only played in the so-called ¡°Safe Zone¡± ¨C very relative safety ¨C until now, what she knew wasn¡¯t really worth much. But her files were more detailed than average ¨C or so she had been told ¨C so it covered the price of her CDs, which were about the only ¡°hobby¡± she indulged into ¨C besides Untold Tales of course, but the W-Chair and the game were something her Mom had received freely for working at Whatever¡¯s.


    This latest insectoid boss however, along with what she had noted down concerning Nowhere, would probably get her quite a decent sum if sold, especially because undead monsters were still very scarcely documented. Of course much fake information circulated, so hers might not be taken seriously, but she had a little confidence that her relative reputation of reliability would avoid her files being instantaneously dismissed as worthless.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    She would have to ask Victoria¡¯s permission first though, because Eva had a feeling that the pale girl liked to keep her hunting ground private to some extent. However Eva wasn¡¯t too concerned. Even if her friend refused, it wasn¡¯t like she really needed that money anyway. And she was obviously going to share half of it with the dhampir in the case Victoria gave her accord.


    * * *


    She continued to type for two good hours.


    She added the descriptions of new monsters to her <undead> folder. She revaluated her own capability in regard of her relative vulnerability to Monarch¡¯s lasers, as well as the advantages and disadvantage of her current cursed gear, specifically in regard to situations where wearing a full plate armour would be detrimental but where she would be in the incapability to wear anything else defensive. She also factored in her recent gain of a level.


    Then she revised teamwork patterns between Athena and Victoria, sometimes including Toto, and even already preparing rough outlines of what would be possible if the archzombie joined them ¨C which would probably happen, seeing how the obsessional madwoman in the group had taken an interest to him.


    She also edited most of her other boss files, correcting her strategies by including the use of the environment to the players¡¯ advantage. Then she posted the whole compressed folder ¨C excluding anything related to the Kindgdom of Erwyn ¨C on the official auction site, under the name <Revised Bosses Database>. As usual, she couldn¡¯t help but feel ashamed at the sight of her own forum nickname, which was something that had been forced upon her by her sister.


    I know it¡¯s somehow fitting in more than one way, but¡­ Seriously¡­ ¡°Goddess of Wisdom¡±, for someone like me, it¡¯s just too embarrassing. There¡¯s a difference between a character name that will only be known by a few and a public name like this one. Just why, Sis?


    Beside her shame, she also felt a little guilty about using Victoria¡¯s advice on VR fighting without asking first, but she felt even more uncomfortable at the thought of having previously provided incomplete information ¨C especially with a pseudo like that ¨C and gained money out of it. She eventually reconciled with her peace of mind by once again deciding to share her possible earnings equally with the dhampir. Now she just needed to find a way to broach the subject.


    She closed her laptop, put the headband back in a drawer, and stretched. Since she had at least another hour and a half before Victoria logged in again, she decided to exercise for one hour.


    She changed out of her pyjamas and put on a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt, in passing checking her well-designed abs and nodding satisfyingly. Her real body wasn¡¯t anywhere near the muscular powerhouse that was Athena, but it was as athletic as someone with her sort and slender built could be.


    Eva didn¡¯t feel any sort of pride from her physical appearance, but she was content to see her budding gaming addiction wasn¡¯t yet having repercussions on the body she had trained through years of self-defence lessons. She hated when hard work went to waste.


    She walked out of her bedroom and into the first floor hallway. In front of her was the staircase and three other closed doors were on her right, leading to her sister¡¯s and Mom¡¯s rooms as well as a fully-equipped fitness room. Hellen had pretended the latter had been installed for her own personal use, since everyone from the showbiz industry needed to keep themselves in perfect shape, but Eva knew that the studio her sister belonged to had its own gym, so the devices in that room had to be there because the traumatised girl would never have been able to go exercise in a public place.


    Thinking of how much this had to have costed, Eva felt awful. However, since it was already there, not using it would have made her a stubborn ungrateful brat, on top of being a source for unnecessary expenditures, so she made sure to work out at least an hour every two days.


    Until last year, her sessions had actually often ended up lasting much longer, because physical exertion helped keep her mind out of¡­ well¡­ everything. Although now that Untold Tales was offering her another outlet, she wasn¡¯t as assiduous as she had once been, but she at least stuck to her minimal schedule.


    She wasn¡¯t really worried about making noise at three in the morning. Hellen would often compose music at any time of the day and night, and she of course accompanied herself with various instruments while doing so. The two sisters had a tacit agreement not to mind the other¡¯s fuss. In any case, Hellen always slept like a log and Eva found comforting to hear of her sister¡¯s presence in the house.


    Her steps suddenly paused in the middle of the hallway and she then shifted her track towards the stairs. Thinking of Hellen had recalled the state she had left her sister in.


    * * *


    Hellen was still on the sofa, deeply asleep and snoring, her left arm and leg hanging to the floor. With a little smile, Eva rearranged the disgraceful violinist¡¯s limbs back in a more comfortable position. Of course Hellen didn¡¯t even twitch while being handled like a rag doll. The little sister then spread over Hellen the blanket that she had fetched on her way to the living room, and kissed her older sibling goodnight on the forehead.


    Thank you Sis, for everything. Love you.


    Before switching off the light, she casted a quick glance at the three ¡°cute¡± dogs who were laying around the sofa, refusing as usual to sleep in their designated baskets. That reminded her of Toto and how he hated to be stored in the inventory. In the end, be it in real life or virtual reality, a dog was still a dog, she thought.


    Well, Toto is a dragon technically¡­


    Slightly affected by Victoria¡¯s chronical disdain for irrelevant details, Eva shrugged off that thought.


    She made a quick stop by the kitchen to grab a snack, and discovered that the fated toilet paper still was royally chairing atop the fridge. With a sigh, she resolutely took hold of the quest item and marched towards the toilet dungeon, equipped with [Rubber Gloves], [Cleaning Sponge], [Scrubbing Brush] and [Detergent].


    Taking a deep breath, she opened the gate of hell.


    ¡°Holy Mother of God¡­ Sis, isn¡¯t your subclass Archer? How can you have such a shitty aim?¡±


    * * *


    The boss [Aftermath of Smashed Evening ¡°Puke¡±] taken care of, Eva finally proceeded with her planned exercising. Five minutes of push-ups, followed by five minutes of sit-ups, then squats, then repeat once.


    She spent the last half-our on the rowing machine, then stretched a bit, took a quick shower, and went back to her bedroom. After putting her pyjamas back on and sitting down on her W-Chair, she logged in.


    ¨‹¨‹¨‹


    A wave of familiar pleasure hit Athena as soon as she felt her consciousness settle back in her virtual body. The tall woman abruptly opened her eyes and discovered a pale white-headed girl, apparently still asleep despite being obviously logged in, who was blissfully munching on Athena¡¯s left ankle, a trickle of blood running sideways down her cheek.


    While Victoria¡¯s right arm was hugging the Shielbearer¡¯s left leg, her left hand was extended to the side and a tied-up archzombie, who had wriggled his way to them, was idly devouring the dhampir¡¯s fingers. A glint of murderous madness was flickering in his blind dead white eyes, fighting against the stoned drowsiness that seemed to constitute the core of his being.


    At the same time, Toto the Second, venerable dragon of old, had denuded the Princess¡¯s right foot and was growling menacingly while shaking a red boot, sometimes throwing it into the air and wrestling it.


    Athena¡¯s amber eyes shifted back towards the face of the girl who was sucking at her.


    ¡°Ahem.¡±


    Victoria sleepily opened an eye, then her half-gaze crossed the frowning Shielbearer and she froze.


    ¡°Ah.¡±


    Her smile withered and she let go of Athena¡¯s foot, while her face was becoming even paler, if that was possible.


    Hearing his sorta-master¡¯s muffled exclamation, Toto turned around. The boot that had been in his jaws hit the stone floor with a dull thud, and he began whimpering while backing away.


    Even the undead, who had no idea who was the slender, half-undead, tasteful girl he had woken up near to, had somehow picked up that something bad was about to happen, based on abundance of dark miasma that suddenly filled the room.


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡±


    ¡°Totally not my fault. I was asleep.¡±


    ¡°Toto, is that how you keep watch?¡±


    ¡°Kai!¡±


    *bang* *bang* ¡­ *bang*


    ¡°OW!¡± ¡°Kai!¡± ¡°Why me¡­¡±


    *sigh* ¡°Seriously, you guys¡­¡±


    Athena held her forehead in her hand, an also familiar headache coming back as soon as the pleasure from the vampire bite receded, then she peeked between her fingers.


    She took a few seconds to observe a dhampir, one foot bare and gore flowing out of her mutilated hand, shouting and running after a plush puppy holding a boot in his jaws, while a tied-up archzombie was rolling on the floor, trying to avoid the flying ruby spikes that were stabbing down at him.


    The Shielbearer let her hand fall beside her body and gazed up at the ceiling.


    Aaaah. I guess this is fun?


    ¡°Oh! Thena, what are you doing? We¡¯re leaving.¡±


    Athena looked down.


    Victoria had already managed to get her boot back. She was holding a very grumpy Toto under her left armpit and was standing at the exit of the cave. The relative brightness of the outside created a greyish halo around her. With light filtering through her white hair, her red bondage leather outfit, her fangy predatory grin, and her bicoloured eyes with their ever-shifting pupils, she looked like an improbable devil descending from heaven. The struggling puppy made the image a little odd though.


    ¡°So, you coming?¡± the apparition asked with her enchanting voice, while extending her free hand towards the stunned woman and smiling even broader.


    Athena replied with a hesitant smile of her own: ¡°Yes!¡±


    Maybe, if I¡¯m with her, then it¡¯s okay?


    For the first time in many years, Eva thought that, maybe, she too was allowed to be happy. She leapt towards this weird girl, and towards the light.


    * * *


    *roooooabrledbr* *rumble* *aaaarh*


    ¡°Vicky¡­¡±


    Well, the light was full of zombies though.


    ¡°An¡¯ shit,¡± the heavenly devil swore before lifting the dragon puppy.


    * * * * *


    <1> I¡¯m not sure it fits, but I love this song


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <hr />


    Hurray for obvious symbolism!!


    And¡­


    YEAH!! Chapter 51! That makes three of those little dot thingies at the bottom of the chapter list! Or would it have made more sense to celebrate chapter 50?! Who cares! Let¡¯s celebrate now with a little child-friendly creepiness!


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    With that out of the way¡­ back to serious stuff! They are all going to die! YEAAAAAAAAH!! Oh. Forgot to deactivate celebration mode. Right. Oh. Ah. How so very tragic. I am sad. Buu-huu¡­.


    Anyway, thank you for putting up with me and see you next chapter.


    PS: Hakuna Matata.

 V1.18 – Interview with the Zombie

    Chapter 18:


    Interview with the Zombie


    ¡°It''s a new dawn


    It''s a new day


    It''s a new life


    For me


    And I''m feeling good¡±


    ¨C Feeling Good, <1>


    Nina Simone


    * * * * *


    ~ ??? ? ?? ??¡­


    The Kingdom of Erwyn had for centuries been plagued with eternal shitty weather... and undead. Never forget undead. Not that undead were part of the weather forecast, but¡­ anyway. Dark clouds were filling the skies and obscuring people''s hearts, and heavy rains were the sole veil hiding the tears of the inhabitants of this cursed country. This last sentence was awesome.


    ~ ? ??? ?? ?¡­


    Yet, in this land of despair, where the living trembled daily for their fragile existences, in the depth of a dense forest roamed by hungry corpses, the bizarre sound of pinched strings floated in the air, soon joined by a melodious female voice: "Aaaah... Let''s say... ? Hakuna Matata... ? what a wonderful phrase. ?"


    <2>


    The music rhythm picked up pace, and another croaky ¨C yet oddly in tune ¨C chant echoed the call of the joyous female: "? Hakuna Matata... ? ain''t no passing craaaaze! ?"


    "? It means no worriiies ? for the rest of your daaaays! ?"


    ""? It''s our problem freeeee ? ? philosophyyyy!""


    "? Hakuna Matataaaa~ ?"


    *Ukulele solo*   ~ ??? ???? ??¡­


    How could this two idio- insouciant fellows sing a song in this country of the dead? Well, to tell the truth, they themselves weren''t exactly alive.


    "Why, ? when he was a young zombiiie~ ?"


    "? When I was a young zombiiiiiiIIIIIIIII-irk!"


    "What''s wrong?"


    "My vocal chords snapped."


    "Oh. Well... ?? He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal. ? All throughout the cemetery he could not conceal. ?"


    "I''m a sensitive sooul, ?? though I''m rotten-skiiiiinn''D! ? And it hurt... ? that my friends never stood downwiiiiiiind! ? And OOOH, the shaaame! ?"


    "He was ashamed!"


    "Thoughta changin'' my naaame!"


    "You don''t have a name!"


    "And I got downhearted..."


    "How did you feeeel?"


    "Every time that I-"


    "You¡¯re a corpse dude. You don''t fart."


    "Oh... right."


    A pause, an exchanged glance, and...


    ""? Hakuna Matata, ? what a wonderful phraaase! ?? Hakuna Matata, ?? ain''t no passing craaaze!""


    "Woof ? woo-oo woo-ooof ? woof woof woof woof ahooooo! ??"


    "You can''t speak Toto..."


    "Awhooo..."


    ""? It''s our problem freeeee ? ?""


    "Philosophyyyy!"


    ""? Hakuna Matataaaa~ ?""


    Once again, the light-hearted musical tune resounded in the forest.


    ~ ??? ?????? ??¡­


    Walking behind the trio of disparate undead ¨C even the plush-ised dragon had joined the two idiots in their musical delirium ¨C who were advancing at a brisk pace while swinging their heads left and right, a tall woman was carefully surveying their surroundings. For the umpteenth time, she repressed a sigh.


    "Am I the only one who''s concerned that all this noise might attract a shitload of monsters?"


    "Thena!" the beautiful musician indignantly replied. "This is no noise! It''s music!"


    "That doesn''t invalid my point."


    "Peace Bro. Breathe out. All that stress will obstruct your vision of true happiness."


    "For the last time: I. AM. A. WOMAN!!!"


    "No waaaaay..."


    "AAAAAH!! That''s it! I''m killing this stoned piece of shit!"


    The dhampir interposed herself between the snapping human and the pseudo-hippie archzombie.


    "Please, Thena. You''ve already killed him four times in three hours. It''ll only slow us down if we have to wait for his legs to regrow again. And if you destroy his head again, I might have to reteach him the lyrics from scratch."


    "Tsk," Athena clicked her tongue but backed off. "Why are we taking him with us again?"


    "''Cause he''s fun!" Victoria answered merrily with a twirl.


    "That''s so... *sigh* ¡­you."


    ¡°Thanks. Are you jealous? You can sing too if you want.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll pass. You enjoy your merry time. I¡¯ll just be the lookout.¡± Then she added with a blush: ¡°And my voice isn¡¯t really suited for¡­¡±


    ¡°Have you heard his? He sounds like a squashed toad! Come on, Thena, your voice¡¯s beautiful. Really manly! ¡­Ah. Is that a compliment? Anyway¡­ *sigh* Zombie dude¡¯s not wrong, you know? You worry too much. We''ll deal with mobs when they show up. There shouldn''t be anything too strong around here, so why complain if EXP and loot come to us by themselves?"


    Athena was forced to recognise the vague logic behind this unorthodox baiting strategy. Though she was also persuaded that Victoria wasn''t at all thinking of hunting anything and just felt like singing for no reason.


    *sigh* "Whatever. Just... Why a ukulele?"


    "Because a xylophone would be too cumbersome, obviously. Do not confuse it with a glockenspiel!"


    "¡­Sorry. I shouldn''t have asked."


    Victoria stared at her dejected friend massaging her temples for a couple more seconds. Then shrugged, played a few chords, and winked at their new undead companion, who sent her back a wrecked smile.


    ¡°Three. Two. One.¡±


    ¡°¡°Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata!¡±¡±


    ¡°Oh~ It means no worriiies~ ? for the rest of your daaaa-aays. ?¡±


    ¡°¡°It''s our problem-freeeee ? philosophyyyy! ?¡±¡±


    ""? Hakuna Matataaa~ ?? Hakuna Matata!"" they continued in canon, stomping to the rhythm, ""Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata!""


    "AhoooOOOooooOOOOOH!!" ¨C Toto tried again.


    "...na Matata?" followed the archzombie.


    "That''s right!" the dhampir nodded approvingly. "You do learn fast. Maybe it''s because your brain is empty."


    The other tilted his head and distractedly scratched the inside of his mouth through the gaping hole in his cheek. For some reason, even though he supposedly regenerated no matter what was done to him ¨C Victoria, and also a bit impulsively Athena, had experimented ¨C his dilapidated appearance remained the same. Without better hypothesis, the Princess had concluded that this was how he had been when he evolved from normal zombie to archzombie, becoming sort of his default looks.


    It didn''t mean his quasi-immortality had no side-effect, as his memory was more than lacunar, probably from getting his brain destroyed so often... although Victoria hadn''t been able to determine if that mnemonic problem didn''t instead stem from his strange "unhealthy" addiction. Well, health-related worries were very relative once you were already dead.


    "You really okay with that?"


    Victoria distractedly plucked the strings of her instrument and casted a glance at the thin silver chain which their newest, rotten and smelly companion had coiled around his right palm.


    This was just a [Necklace of Grace], a low-tier item that gave minor bonuses to the light affinity. Every player who became a Priest or something similar received one at the end of their class-gaining quest. Most adventurers quickly discarded it when their level rose, but Elric had kept the chain because he liked the simple design and because of the sentimental value it held.


    However his opinion had always been that items, even mementos, were supposed to be used, not kept as decorations. Therefore, since Victoria couldn''t even touch the thing without suffering from third degree burns, she hadn''t hesitate to pass it to the strange archzombie, who had kept asking for holy items since their first meeting.


    Unexpectedly, it had no visible effect on him, if one didn¡¯t take into account his ecstatic stoned look.


    "Yeaaah... It''s awesome... I feel like my soul is trying to fly away from my body... So trippy..."


    "Well, yeah,¡± Victoria answered with a half-consternated, half-amused tone. ¡°That''s exactly what''s happening. That''s called cleansing."


    "Cleansing? Sounds like a drug. Awesome."


    The dhampir giggled while scanning the empty forest that surrounded their group.


    Hey, kid, want some¡­ ¡°cleansing¡±? Hahaha. Note to self: make an actual drug called like that, just to mess with the Temple.


    ¡°That aside¡­¡± she mumbled as she continued to look around.


    As usual, the [Lost Woods] were gloomy and dark. Only the sound of the wind could be heard, as no living wild animal remained in Erwyn. However, even for a doomed forest in a land of undead, it was a little too quiet.


    It''s true that Thena''s overly tensed, but it''s also strange that we were attacked only once since we exited the tunnel, especially with all the noise we''ve been making. I wonder what''s going on... Anyway, no use to worrying over what I don¡¯t understand. Instead¡­ I never thought I would find an undead immune to light magic to that extent. How entertaining.


    Their new companion had told them how his oldest memory was him waking up surrounded by other zombies ¨C more accurately eating other zombies ¨C near the secret underground passage leading to the boss room.


    Back then, the place was still saturated with Andr¨¦''s holy aura, since the Butterfly King had just recently been turned into a putrid parody of himself.


    However, probably because the archzombie had evolved into a species with super-regeneration, he hadn''t burst into flames like the other moving corpses which had wandered inside the tunnel. It still had hurt like hell, but his body had refused to die ¨C again ¨C and over the centuries he had slowly grown accustomed, then addicted to the feeling of holy magic ripping his tormented soul out of his undead body. To the point where he started suffering from withdrawal when the holy aura began to dwindle by lack of a source.


    After sixty-something years of procrastinating ¨C corpses instinctively weren''t prone to moving ¨C he had been readying himself to leave the tunnel, in search for more "dope" elsewhere, when the tumult from Victoria and Athena''s fight against Monarch had caught his attention, which lead to their fateful encounter on the wall.


    Though I¡¯d be damned if Chaos hadn¡¯t his hand in the matter somehow¡­ Oh, wait, I¡¯m already damned aren¡¯t I?


    ¡°And I¡¯m not even sure Chaos has hands anyway.¡±


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Myster C: As a matter of fact, it depends on my mood.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Don¡¯t care.¡±


    The Progenitor tickled her ukulele once again, before jumping atop a protruding root and turning to face the rest of the group.


    "Hey. Just got an idea. Zombie Bro, want to be my familiar? Not sure what''s in it for you, but..."


    "Wait Vicky," interjected Athena. "You can only have two right now. You''ve already Toto so you shou-"


    "Familiar? Duh, Sis... We''re all a big big biiiiig family... all brothers and sisters... kind of... "


    "So, yes?"


    "Yeah Sis... It''s cool."


    "Deal!"


    Without leaving the time for Athena to interject again, the Bloodsoul Mage bit down through her tongue and spat a mouthful of bloody saliva in her opened palm¡­ before crouching on the ground, wincing in pain.


    ¡°Ooooow¡­ Id¡¯ot!¡±


    ¡°Vicky¡­ *sigh* What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°Bit my tongue. Need blood for the contract. First thing that went through my mind. Was going for the cool, brotherly, and slightly disgusting handshake. Seemed like a good idea in the olden days of three seconds ago.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I don¡¯t even know how to describe you anymore.¡±


    ¡°Just stick to ¡®thoughtless¡¯ please.¡±


    ¡°Even though I feel you¡¯re way past that¡­¡±


    ¡°Hahahaw¡­ Anyaway.¡±


    She picked up a random knife in her inventory. She was tempted to use her newest [Sacrificial Dagger of the Soul-Eater], but something in the name dissuaded the dhampir.  She didn¡¯t want to accidentally destroy her new toy *cough* companion so fast.


    With the knife in left hand, Victoria slashed the archzombie¡¯s right palm opened ¨C though she slipped and accidentally cut off a couple of fingers ¨C before grasping it with her own right palm covered in blood and spit.


    [Bloodsoul Contract]!


    After she mentally called out the skill, her unusual mana burst from their joined hands before engulfing the whole body of the undead, who dumbly stared at the deep blue fog swarmed with bright red sparks.


    A satisfied predatory grin spread on Victoria¡¯s face. She hadn¡¯t been sure it would work that way, since the world apparently hated her and her skill descriptions were always¡­ let¡¯s say ¡°vague¡±. She only knew her blood was needed for the contract. In Toto¡¯s case, she had just used a few drops on the managem holding Kalameet¡¯s soul, before shoving it into the then inert plush dog ¨C kind of skipping the whole ¡°mutual consent¡± thing.


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Bloodsoul Contract] has been successful.


    You are now the master of [Archzombie ¡°Nameless¡±].


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Do you wish to rename your familiar?


    [YES] ¨C [NO]


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Oooooh! Indeed. [YES]. ¡®Nameless¡¯ is rather inconvenient. Thena! What do you thing we should call him?¡±


    ¡°Dunno. It¡¯s your familiar. I don¡¯t think I could come up with something good.¡±


    ¡°Muuuuh!¡± Victoria pouted, stomping on the ground. ¡°I asked you! At least try!¡±


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­¡±


    The Shieldbearer scratched her copper-haired head, uncomfortable.


    ¡°What about¡­ Slaughterer?¡±


    ¡°Too brutal. Not really fitting.¡±


    ¡°Pacific Slaughterer?¡±


    ¡°¡­I¡¯ll admit, it sounds awesome. But where do you see any ¡®slaughterer¡¯ in that guy?¡±


    Both adventuresses turned towards the archzombie, who was stumbling around while trying to catch the remnant sparks of mana.


    ¡°¡­yeah. Why not just Zombie then?¡±


    ¡°Thought of it, but it would be kinda confusing in a fight. And it¡¯s not very original.¡±


    ¡°Sparky?¡±


    ¡°Is he a dog?¡±


    ¡°Smelly?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s just rude!¡±


    ¡°Rotbag?¡±


    ¡°Now you¡¯re being racist!¡±


    Athena hung her shoulders.


    ¡°... Sorry. My Sis always said I have a broken naming sense.¡±


    ¡°Aaaah~. With your brains, I was sure you could find something better. I don¡¯t know¡­ something like Lurk Sprywalker?¡±


    ¡°How¡¯s that guy ¡®spry¡¯?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the joke.¡±


    ¡°Then what¡¯s wrong with Slaughterer?¡±


    ¡°Argh¡­ You got me there. But it¡¯s so not cute!¡±


    ¡°I think it¡¯s cute enough though.¡±


    *sigh* ¡°We¡¯ll never agree on that point. Dunno, the name of one of your favourite authors?¡±


    ¡°Einstein?¡±


    ¡°¡­seriously? Is ¡®Relativity: The Special and the General Theory¡¯ your bedtime book or something?¡±


    I¡¯m sure I saw it in the school library, but still¡­


    Then, seeing Athena blush, Victoria quickly raised her right palm up while covering her face with the left.


    ¡°No! No, don¡¯t answer. I don¡¯ wanna know.¡±


    ¡°Sorry I¡¯m weird.¡±


    ¡°No, no, it¡¯s cool.¡± Victoria patted her shoulder. ¡°I just don¡¯t get why you¡¯d ever pretend not to be smart, when you¡¯re reading advanced physics theories for fun.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not really for fun¡­¡±


    ¡°Do you enjoy it?¡±


    ¡°¡­yes,¡± the tall woman answered sheepishly.


    ¡°Then it¡¯s fun.¡±


    Athena made a puzzle face.


    ¡°Is that how it works?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s how I see it. And my point of view is the only one that matters to me.¡±


    The Shielbearer looked at the Bloodsoul Mage with a frown that quickly turned into an indulgent half-smile.


    ¡°Well, except yours I guess¡­ Hey! I actually meant that! How bizarre. Is it this body¡¯s hormones, or is my mind affected by emotional stimuli? There¡¯s also the gap problem I noticed when I logged out¡­ Mmmh¡­ I need to investigate.¡±


    Victoria was mumbling something to herself, but Athena couldn¡¯t quite catch anything beside the first sentence.


    ¡°Oh~ Guys! What¡¯ ya¡¯ doin¡¯ over there?¡±


    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.


    With no sparky thingy left to chase, the still-nameless archzombie was stumbling back to them. Victoria spun around and faced him with a pondering look.


    ¡°We¡¯re trying to find you a name.¡±


    ¡°Name? For me? Cool. Thanks, Sis. I always wanted a name.¡±


    ¡°You did?¡±


    ¡°Yeah! Like¡­ for the whole past two seconds¡­¡±


    ¡°And that¡¯s why you¡¯re perfect for this team,¡± the dhampir nodded to some deep truth she alone was privy to. ¡°Okay! I decided. Your name shall be¡­¡±


    She reached out and typed on the translucent keyboard that had occupied half her vision ever since she had answered [YES] to the query of the interface.


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    Do you confirm changing your familiar¡¯s name to [Frank Einstein]?


    [YES] ¨C [NO]


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°[YES]!¡±


    The window disappeared and the newly named Frank Einstein was engulfed in a light show accompanied by game-ish victorious sound effects, as his new patronym was displayed in golden floating lettered above his head before disappearing in a cloud of sparks.


    Victoria grumpily complained: ¡°How¡¯s that ¡®great realism¡¯? Whatever really just switch from clich¨¦ gaming to VR whenever they damned please. Should I write a letter of complain?¡±


    In fact, she had been startled by the sudden 8-bit trumpet sound. She didn¡¯t like being startled. She was the Great Startler! And she really hated sudden fanfare sounds. For no good reason too, this was one of the things you disliked without exactly knowing why, like spinach or the colour purple, even though neither spinach nor purple had never done anything reprehensible to you or your family.


    ¡°Did you really call him Einstein?¡± Athena commented in dismay, too closed off to fantasy-oriented fictions to be aware of Mary Shelley¡¯s work <3> or any of its numerous subsequent adaptations, and thus as usual missing the pun.


    ¡°Zombies like brains, so it¡¯s fi~ine!¡± the pale girl shrugged with yet another twirl, her very baseless bad mood already forgotten. ¡°Don¡¯t you, zombies?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ the whole body tastes pretty much the same to me¡­¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s because you¡¯ve got no taste buds. Well, it¡¯s interesting to know regardless, but I wasn¡¯t talking to you.¡±


    ¡°Wha-¡±


    ¡°GRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!¡±


    ¡°HAAAAAAAAAA!!!¡±


    A dozen [Lesser Zombies] suddenly appeared from between bushes right behind Einstein, jumping him and beginning to tear his body apart.


    Victoria had felt the slow approach of those monsters with [Soul Sense], while [Echolocation], even if tuned down in humanoid form, had picked up the characteristic gargling wail of zombies in the distance. Athena too had actually felt that a bunch of somethings was coming, and had silently placed herself between the dhampir and the potential threat. However, in an atypical burst of selfish grudge, she had completely neglected their newest companion.


    Screaming his dysfunctional lungs out ¨C which brought out the question of how he was even speaking in the first place ¨C Einstein was trying to repel his mindless cousins, more under the effect of sudden panic than because he was feeling any sort of pain from having large chunks of flesh bitten off him.


    Unexpectedly, although his weak punches made no damage whatsoever, whenever his fist holding the [Necklace of Grace] made contact with one of the rotting assailants, the monster actually lost a few points in health and, more importantly, was stunned and fell on the ground.


    That gave the idea to Victoria of equipping their abnormal friend with as much holy equipment he could handle.


    He would be the ¡®highest¡¯ Paladin ever! Or an undead priest! All hail the Stoner Priest! HAHAHAHA!! It would be like wearing a complete set of magic mushrooms! Wait¡­ Don¡¯t I actually have an armour like that? Ah! More importantly.


    The stunned zombies were rapidly standing back up. Rapidly¡­ for undead, meaning like puppets manipulated by a puppeteer suffering from Parkinson¡¯s disease. But still getting up nevertheless. Athena casted a sidelong glance at her grinning friend.


    ¡°Should we help him?¡±


    ¡°I think so. It¡¯s too late for the shirt I gave him, but at least the pants can probably be salvaged. A few holes won¡¯t hurt the undead-vibe, so¡­¡±


    ¡°Alright. Stay behind, I¡¯ll-¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m taking the front line! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! TO ME, FRED THE FRYING PAN!! Fuck the metaaaaahahahahahaHAHAHAHA!!¡±


    The overpowered cooking device materialised in her open palm as the dhampir rushed forwards while laughing hysterically.


    At some point unknown to the Shielbearer, Victoria had taken the time to draw the face of a laughing red and black clown, with sharp teeth, on the underside of the pan. The paint she had used was actually home-made. The dhampir had made it herself from dragon blood and phoenix ashes ¨C two of the most priceless ingredients in the world ¨C and it was thus completely fireproof on top of not impeding at all the flow of mana through the runes.


    Fred the Frying Pan used to be at the level of a national treasure, be it only by the virtue of the rarity of runic weapons. Not mentioning the absurd combination of strengthening, fire and light-weight magic that had been imbedded in this inconspicuous utensil. Now it was also worth a little manor, with furniture and maids. Of course, Athena ignored that fact, otherwise she probably would have fainted¡­ after having ¡°fainted¡± some common-sense into the extravagant Progenitor.


    As it was, the Shielbearer just sighed and leaped after Victoria, who had accelerated her movements with wind magic and was taunting the slow undead whistle pummelling them with the glowing frying pan of scorching doom.


    Then the dhampir tripped and fell head first into a cluster of hungry zombies.


    * * *


    Later¡­


    ¡°HAHAHAHA!! Everything went as planned!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± ~ stare ~


    ¡°Haha¡­ Well, as expected.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± ~ stare ~


    ¡°Well¡­ as usual¡­¡±


    *bang*


    ¡°Ow¡­¡±


    Of course, Victoria had nearly died fighting the zombies. Only Toto¡¯s in-extremis intervention had saved her life, although it was unclear what or who the dragon had been targeting. Being immune to soul magic, the Progenitor hadn¡¯t suffered any damage from the sudden storm of blue fire, but she had nevertheless ended up extremely thirsty, something Athena had needed to remedy to.


    Now they were finally out of the woods and back on the road to Cali, and everyone was making their best to pretend this recent humiliating episode never happened.


    Well¡­ some were¡­


    ¡°Hahaha, Sis, that funny yelp you made when that dude tried to bit you in the face! Awesome! And Bro, you were so cool back there!¡±


    ¡°How many times do I have to repeat myself: I. AM. A¡­ *sigh* Why do I even bother?¡±


    Athena shook her head dejectedly, to which Victoria interjected: ¡°Don¡¯t be too harsh on Einstein. He¡¯s blind, so I guess he sees his surroundings through mana or something¡­¡±


    ¡°You think? Can¡¯t you check your familiars¡¯ skills via the interface?¡±


    ¡°I can?¡± Victoria¡¯s eyes turned into two saucers. ¡°Wait¡­ Oh shit! Yes I can! Here it is. [Advanced Mana Perception]. Let¡¯s see¡­ sees everything that has a sufficient amount of mana coursing through it¡­ no dead angles¡­ H¡¯y shit! That¡¯s OP! Dude, you can really do that?¡±


    ¡°Yeah~ Everything is all blue and cloudy¡­ It¡¯s awesome¡­¡±


    ¡°What do you even need drugs for¡­ Anyway¡­ Then how¡­  Ah. Level two, so¡­ yeah. That explains why he didn¡¯t detect those zombies until it was too late. Or maybe he¡¯s just freaking distracted all the time. Yeah. I bet on that too. Well, flesh in general is pretty much the best insulation against mana. Otherwise it¡¯d be far too easy to just materialise a [Fireball] directly inside someone¡¯s head and POOOF¡­ or maybe SPLORSH¡­ but you get my point.¡±


    Athena was getting the point and she grimaced.


    ¡°He seems to see us well enough though.¡±


    ¡°Me maybe. I¡¯m leaking mana like a freaking fountain. It¡¯s quite embarrassing. Probably because of the discrepancy between my level and MP. My body can¡¯t contain my power or some twisted mago-technico bullshit. I swear, that stuff fascinates me, but it doesn¡¯t make any damn sense most of the ti¡­ Oh. Wait. That¡¯s exactly why I like it. Never mind. Mmmh¡­ I¡¯m sure I found a skill book for the [Aura Concealment] skill before, so that¡¯s a thing. What did I do with it again? Ah. Right. The assassin birdy. Oh, well¡­ Guess I should put getting that skill somewhere near the top of my to-do list. Going to suck at stealth otherwise. Well, I¡¯m a vampire, or half of it, so I¡¯m bound to suck anyway. Loli-lol! ¡­ That joke was terrible. Though it¡¯s not like [Advanced Mana Perception] is that common in the first pla-¡±


    ¡°Ahem,¡± Athena interrupted, somehow feeling that Victoria would go on for another half-hour if she wasn¡¯t stopped. ¡°What about me then?¡±


    ¡°You? Well, I guess he mostly sees your armour, and maybe you a little. No wonder he keeps confusing you with a man. Your stature isn¡¯t exactly feminine.¡±


    ¡°I know that,¡± grumbled Athena.


    ¡°And to my great concern I find you very hot.¡±


    ¡°You said something?¡±


    ¡°I said that Einstein is also an idiot,¡± salvaged Victoria without missing a beat.


    Athena replied with something like a sighed ¡°Ah.¡± Then, she scratched her head.


    ¡°By the way, isn¡¯t [Advanced Mana Perception] an extremely high-tier skill?¡±


    The dhampir narrowed her eyes and turned to observe the archzombie who had just collapsed after walking straight into a tall rock. The human followed her gaze.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I think? Well, ¡®arch¡¯-somethings are usually powerful beings. Like archliches, archmages, archangels, archdemons and Archibald.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. Don¡¯t make fun of his capillary situation. He¡¯s a hair susceptible.¡±


    Victoria was shivering and looking like she was relieving some deep trauma, so Athena didn¡¯t insist. Then the dhampir shook her head, and called out their potentially, maybe, dubiously strong ally.


    ¡°Hey! Enstein! You sure you¡¯re not some kind of overly powerful monster? I¡¯d like to know before we get to Cali, in case you suddenly snap and I need to stop you from destroying the town before I do.¡±


    ¡°What?!¡± Athena yelped.


    ¡°That was a joke Thena¡­ probably.¡±


    The archzombie was making his way towards them, and for the first time, Victoria noticed that he was walking very carefully, probably to avoid stumbling on every mana-less rock on the road. Also, even if he looked clumsy at first, her enhanced vampiric hearing couldn¡¯t pick up the slightest sound from his footsteps.


    Forget the undead paladin¡­ though that still is an awesome idea, but he¡¯s too squishy for the job anyway. That dude¡¯s made for stealth. Probably should drop him at Birdy¡¯s for some ¡®light¡¯ assassin training. Yeah. Let¡¯s do that. What was the location of the secret headquarters of the guild Shadow Plume again? I remember it took some effort to find it this time. It¡¯s annoying how they keep moving after each of my visits. Don¡¯t they like my awesome slumber parties? Hahahaha. Is it the ¡®eternal slumber¡¯ part that bothers them? Hehehe. I wonder if they ever got that blood out of the carpet. They were really mad about that. But how was I supposed to know it was manticore fur? Seriously, don¡¯t put legendary items on the floor!


    ¡°Vicky, you¡¯re grinning evilly,¡± Athena commented, concern in her voice.


    ¡°It¡¯s because you can¡¯t spell ¡®slaughter¡¯ without ¡®laughter¡¯. Hehehe.¡±


    ¡°I asked nothing.¡±


    The Shielbearer closed her eyes and looked away, metaphorically washing her hands off anything Victoria was planning which included both those orthographically overlapping words. At the same time, Einstein finally caught up to them.


    ¡°You were saying something, Sis? And did you mention Cali? Is that where we¡¯re going?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. I was wondering if you weren¡¯t super overpowered in fact. But never mind that. You actually remembers something?¡±


    Victoria was mildly interested, at least enough to casually shrug off the potential death of innumerable innocents.


    For the first time since they met him, the zombie looked faintly annoyed. He was actually frowning.


    FROWING!!!!


    ¡°Yeah¡­ kinda¡­ Cali¡­ Just that I have this feeling I don¡¯t like that place¡­ I¡¯m not sure why¡­ What I am sure though is that the people there are assholes. If I really was super powerful of the dead, I¡¯d have destroyed that place al¡­ rea¡­ dy¡­¡±


    Einstein¡¯s speech progressively slowed down as the aforementioned town of Cali came into view. It was abruptly quite close because it stood after a turn in the road and the forest had been hiding it until now.


    The reason for the archzombie¡¯s hesitation was that, although unable to see in the conventional sense of the term, his mana perception was very clearly picking up the magic emanating from the colossal defensive runic wall encircling the large settlement.


    Or, more accurately, what was left of said defensive wall¡­


    Though the remains of its ancient power still were leaking all over the place, the actual gigantic architectural artefact was crumbling, smashed to bits like by some monstrous fist, while the equally antic and runic silver gates had been torn of their hinges. From behind the ruined wall, only silence could be heard.


    Victoria, Athena, and even Toto slowly, very slowly, turned their heads towards the stunned ¨C okay, even more stunned than usual ¨C Einstein, who abruptly looked back at them and raised his hands in denial.


    ¡°That¡¯s soooo not what it looks like.¡±


    * * * * *


    <1> This song most likely has nothing to do with weed or stoners, but I can¡¯t help but think of it.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <2> It¡¯s much better with the song playing in the background.


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <3> For those of you who might ignore that fact, like me fifteen seconds ago, Mary Shelley</a> is an English novelist from the 19th century, best known for her book Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus</a>. On a side note, I¡¯d like to remind you that Frankenstein is not the name of the monster, but of the man who created him, the Dr. Victor Frankenstein.


    <hr />


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    "Zombies are better than people~ Einstein don''t you think that''s true~?"


    "Yeah, people will beat you, beheaded you and burn you! Everyone of ''em''s bad, except you."


    "Oh, thanks buddy... But people smell better then zombies~ Einstein don''t you think I''m riiiight~?"


    "That''s once again true, for all except you!"


    "You fucked it, be ready to die~"


    "Spare me..."


    "Carefull even dhampirs... bite!"


    Couldn¡¯t find a place to put it without feeling forced¡­ Anyway, thanks buddies and see ya next chap¡¯.


    PS: Go read Midnight Moonlight</a>, it¡¯s great! Or at least vote for it on topwebfiction</a>! We get bonus chapters if the story is in the top ten! Consider this a donation for my <del>awesome</del> work. ¡­No that¡¯s not cheating. Nobody mentioned you had to read something to vote for it. Come one guys, I need more of that stuff.

 V1.19 – Sorry to intrude…

    Chapter 19:


    Sorry to intrude¡­


    ¡°The day is coming when a single carrot freshly observed will set off a revolution.¡±


    ¨C Paul Cezanne


    * * * * *


    The silver panels of the gate to Cali were laying in the dirt, a dozen metres away from where they were supposed to be, crumpled like pieces of cardboard. The ten metres tall and four metres deep majestic wall had turned into a pile of rubbles around the now gaping portal. The road however was unobstructed, as the debris had apparently been blasted to the sides when the doors had been smashed.


    In fact, starting from about fifty metres on both sides of the ruins, the defensive structure regained its full integrity, as if the destruction surrounding the main entrance was an illusion of sort. It wasn¡¯t however. Clearly someone had felt impatient to enter and hadn¡¯t opted for the most subtle approach in forcing their way through.


    Victoria walked up to the rubbles and picked up a seemingly random piece of rock. One of its facets was flat and covered with what at first glance looked like meaningless scribbles. But the dhampir knew better. Last time Elric had glanced upon one of the fortified towns of Erwyn, its runes had looked like very common protective runes¡­


    ¡°Common¡±, as in ¡°covering a freaking impressive giant architectural artefact¡±, in a world where a haphazardly upgraded frying pan was considered rare and powerful¡­ which was stupid, no matter how much dragon blood went into customizing it.


    But, unsurprisingly, Elric was very uneducated in the ways of ¡°common¡± sense, or in the sense of ¡°common¡±. Victoria neither of course. And it really wasn¡¯t getting any better now that she was starting to refer to Elric at the third person, while her own personality was slowly shifted away from Nicolas¡¯ original one.


    Schizophrenia was knocking, and the only reason it had not settled in already was that Nicolas, Elric, Victoria and Allan couldn¡¯t come to an agreement on who was supposed to answer the door. Oh? Who was Allan? Allan was Nicolas¡¯ imaginary friend. But he was rather quiet these days.


    However, now that the runes were inactive, dead, so was the illusion which had dissimulated their true nature.


    Har! Vee meet wonz hagain!


    The Runes of Holy-fucking-ness!


    The actual name was ¡°High Ishtarian¡± though, a fact Victoria was perfectly aware of, but she didn¡¯t care. ¡°Runes of Holy-fucking-ness¡± sounded better, and since her head hurt like heaven every time she pronounced the word ¡°holy¡±, the subsequent ¡°fucking¡± sounded full of beatifically genuine annoyance on her sensually swearing delicate pale lips.


    Also, High Ishtarian was a language almost exclusively made for the practice of soul magic, so the appellation¡­ fitted? Probably not. But who cared? Victoria most certainly did not.


    ¡°You found something?¡±


    The dhampir looked behind her, then up, to face the approaching tall human. Victoria¡¯s raising gaze slowed slightly while passing over Athena¡¯s lips ¨C the memory of what happened earlier was still fresh in her mind ¨C before meeting her eyes.


    ¡°Not really,¡± the ex-explorer answered. ¡°I just got the answer to a question I had been wondering about for a couple months.¡±


    She explained the functionality of the runic walls to Athena¡­ who listened with the bewildered expression of someone who just learnt that ducks were actually fire-breathing immortal fishes¡­ from outer space!


    Contrary to the lunatic pale girl, the meticulous Goddess of Wisdom was very aware of the rarity of runic items. She had already been dumbfounded at Victoria¡¯s utensil creation, but had accepted it because, after all, Victoria was also the first player she ever met who was able to use runes.


    However, the existence of a several-kilometres-long, defensively enchanted, self-maintaining, illusion generating, runic RAMPART¡­ This was a little too much to withstand for her common sense, which was already difficultly holding on.


    ¡°Thena? Thena~? Theeeenaaaaa?¡±


    The stunned woman finally noticed the slender pale finger which was poking her armour at random angles. She wanted to answer, but her brain still hadn¡¯t entirely recovered.


    ¡°Thena~, what¡¯s wrong? Did you turn to stone? We fed your shield though,¡± Victoria called out, whining and pouting like a child pleading the corpse of her dog to stand back up and play. ¡°Whaaaaaaa! Don¡¯t turn to stone, Thena~!! You would make a much less fluffy pillow¡­ AH! Right! Fluffy!¡±


    Suddenly disinterested in her Soulbound¡¯s fate, the Progenitor took out the large blood red pillow, Fluffy Dawnbringer, last survivor of the furniture of Bluerose! Guardian of the Nightly Slumber! Harbinger of Dreams! Bearer of the Ultimate Softness! Exiled Third Prince of the Pillow Kingdom and sole living heir to the Bed-Throne! Also illegitimate hidden son of Hiki, goddess of Sloth!! HERO OF THE PROPHECY OF SLEEPIPAPUSH!!! AAAAAAAND-


    *cough*


    Most of this was just Victoria¡¯s delusions though. Fluffy was just your average, inoffensive, inert, slightly dusty high-class pillow¡­


    ¡­


    ¡­


    ¡­


    ¡­for now.


    MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *thunder*


    ¡°Seems like it¡¯s going to rain,¡± Athena commented, looking up after having finally snapped out of her stunned state.


    ¡°Is that so?¡±


    Victoria¡¯s gaze followed her friend¡¯s towards the sky, which didn¡¯t look any different than it was a few seconds ago¡­ which meant it was dark and clouded and that rain was likely to fall any moment.


    ¡°Maybe we should find shelter in the town?¡± she suggested.


    With a last glance at her beloved pillow, the Princess yanked it back in her inventory.


    I really want to add some runic embroidering¡­ Would it work though? Maybe with some unicorn hair? Ah. But I¡¯m out of unicorn hair. I used the last batch for master¡¯s new broom, along with [King Treant ¡°Yggdrasil Junior¡±]¡¯s wood¡­ I hope he liked the gift. Anyway¡­ What to do? Oh, well, I¡¯ll just replace the stuffing with angels¡¯ feathers. That¡¯s bound to have some effect! Ah¡­ but no way to the Heavenly Realm had been found yet¡­


    Yet?


    ¡°Kukukukukukuku¡­ Wait for me birdies¡­¡±


    Athena frowned worriedly at Victoria, who was giggling suspiciously while rubbing her hands.


    * * *


    In a room of immaculate whiteness, where the walls were but arches and colonnades opened to the outside, where the eternal daylight was always sunny and bright ¨C horrible to sleep but you get used to it after a couple centuries ¨C, and where the tiles flooring sparkled with holiness ¨C and also thanks to Gabriel¡¯s flawless mastery of the mop <1> ¨C, there was a large emperor size bed ¨C because king size was way to small ¨C on which slept a three metres tall, six-winged, bald, androgynous humanoid.


    One could say that the being looked old, but in truth their face was ageless, and the impression of ancientness came from the absolute wisdom oozing form their traits. Unfortunately for their image, they were sleeping very unsightly on their stomach¡­ But cast the first stone he or she who ever managed to sleep on their back with six giant dove-like wings protruding from their collarbone!


    Suddenly, the being¡¯s peaceful visage distorted, their body was agitated with spasms and, in a flurry of white feathers, the glorious seraphim fell down the humongous bed on his hoy bottom, pulling the white blanket with her.


    *BANG*


    ¡°Oh, what the heaven!¡±


    Alarmed by the sudden noise and shout, four similar creatures, but with only four wings each and slightly shorter ¨C though still way past two metres fifty ¨C made irruption in the room, flying though the arches so fast they looked like three beams of heavenly light who suddenly materialised at the foot of the bed.


    ¡°Your Holiness!¡± ¡°Your Purity!¡± ¡°Your Whiteness!¡± ¡°Daemon Bro!¡±


    ¡°Silence, Emanu?el, Arthuriel, Bernardiel, Brothiel, you bloody fools! I¡¯m alright! And Brothiel, how many time did I tell you: DO NOT CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME!! It¡¯s disgraceful¡­¡±


    Daemon the Seraphim stood up, draped in their dignity and their blanket, and also wearing a pair of pink shorts embodied with pastel blue winged unicorns. The four cherubs were donned in white togas.


    ¡°Sorry Sis, I always forgot you don¡¯t like your name. Just because Dad is friend with the Insect Goddess yo-¡±


    ¡°I said: SILENCE!! And stop with the ¡®Bro¡¯ and the ¡®Sis¡¯. If you must persist with your disgraceful use of slang, chose one!¡±


    ¡°But Sis, we¡¯re asexua-¡±


    ¡°I said: SILENCE!! ¡­AND STOP THAT BLOODY HARP!!!¡±


    Bending down, the seraphim grabbed a penguin shaped fluffy slipper and threw it through one of the arches. The beautiful sound of the heavenly harp abruptly stopped with a crashing sound and a high-pitched angelic yelp of pain and mostly surprise.


    ¡°Better. Tsk,¡± Daemon clicked his tongue. ¡°For the love of Father, it¡¯s already difficult to take a nap around here with all that never-ending day bullshit and the utterly idiotic absence of walls. Why must everyone think I like hearing music all the time?! Damned!¡±


    The four cherubs let out a startled gasp at the utterance of such a vulgar past participle.


    ¡°Bro,¡± hesitated Brothiel. ¡°Father will get angry if you say such things!¡±


    ¡°Father can go to Hell!! Actually, I¡¯m pretty sure He already is, fucking that Dark bitch!¡±


    Daemon was not wrong actually. Contrary to Chaos and Order who actively hated each other ¨C though Chaos didn¡¯t care most of the time ¨C because their elements had much more inter-destructive natures, Lucian the God of Light and Umbra the Goddess of Darkness had a much more ambiguous relationship, each unable to exist without the other, enclosed in a cycle of mutual inter-creation in which¡­


    ...


    Okay. Let¡¯s say it bluntly, they spent most of the day fucking.


    Most of the night too, obviously.


    All the while hurting each other unwillingly.


    Not that they minded though.


    They were a kinky pair.


    Of course mortal religions were unaware of that fact, and the leaders of both Heaven and Hell made sure it remained that way. Thus of course, most of the inhabitants of said otherworldly realms were aware of that blasphemous reality ¨C though could it really be called blasphemous, considering it was performed by the divinities themselves? ¨C but chose never to broach the topic and wilfully ignored it.


    As such, the four cherubs were startled once more to hear their dignified ruler reference this shamelessness in such crude words, a feeling they proclaimed in relative unison:


    ¡°Bro!¡± ¡°Your Innocence!¡± ¡°Your Sincerity!¡± ¡­ ¡°Your Immaculacy!¡±


    ¡°Oh, nice one,¡± Eamnu?el applauded politely.


    ¡°I think.¡± Bernardiel bowed slightly. ¡°At first, I was going for ¡®Your Abstemiousness¡¯, but-¡±


    ¡°I. said. SI-LENCE!!¡±


    The cherubs snapped to attention and Daemon began pacing back and forth, still only clad in his white blanket and pink underwear. Arthuriel¡¯s face was actually a little red from the display. This one had a slight crush on their mighty *cough* leader.


    Suddenly Daemon stopped and turned to face his four subordinates and siblings, and said with dreadful seriousness: ¡°I had a vision.¡±


    The seriousness spread to the seraphim¡¯s interlocutors. Oracles from the most powerful being in Heaven were no joking matter, regardless of the aforementioned being¡¯s getup.


    ¡°More like an intense foreboding in truth¡­¡± the seraphim corrected pensively, then their eyes hardened. ¡°But there is no doubt that a being of great evil¡­¡±


    Somewhere in the mortal place, a dhampir sneezed.


    ¡°¡­is plotting to bring harm to our holy siblings! The vision was unclear, but I saw a snickering figure in a dark place swirling with evil mana. A figure who I felt was undoubtedly female.¡±


    ¡°Your Perspicacity?¡± ¡°Your Clear-sightedness?¡± ¡°Your Clairvoyance?¡± ¡°Sisbro, you don¡¯t mean¡­¡±


    ¡°YES! DEMONS!!¡±


    ¡°Why do you shout your name, Brosis?¡±


    ¡°I AM NOT! You sinister imbecile! I said ¡®demons¡¯. DE-MON-SSSS!! With a ¡®S¡¯ like sodomy.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Wait. What?!¡±


    ¡°Of course, Your Cleverness!¡±


    ¡°Those unholy creatures! How dare they even entertain the thought of harming the followers of Your Amazingness?!¡±


    ¡°We shall smite them, Your Handsomeness!¡±


    ¡°You guys sure are motivated. And are we really going to ignore that last sentence?¡±


    Despite their parents'' frenemy relationship, angels and demons hated each other. Or maybe it was exactly because of said relationship, each group accusing the other¡¯s divine genitor of having corrupted their respective procreator.


    Incidentally, Lucian and Umbra were yet to succeed in ¡°procreating¡± together, because their children systematically self-destructed upon conception. Opposites attracted each other, but rarely mixed well. Demons and angels were the offspring conceived by the primordial divinities with lower divinities of the same affinity. And, thankfully for the world, Chaos was currently too entertained by a certain ex-knight to look into the matter of this infertile godly union between Light and Darkness.


    Daemon clenched her fists and hatred coloured his wise androgynous face.


    ¡°Yes, an evil female entity whishing us ill from a dark place swirling with obscure magic. I see only one possible culprit! You won¡¯t get away this time, Angela!!¡±


    ¡°¡°¡°¡°¡­¡±¡±¡±¡±


    The cherubs glanced at each other, whispering:


    ¡°That¡¯s the Queen of Hell, no?¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°But that name¡­¡±


    ¡°Well, you know, it¡¯s because Dad and that woma-¡±


    ¡°SI-LENCE!!! Ready our forces! We won¡¯t remain silent in front of such ill intent!¡±


    Nobody moved however.


    ¡°Eeeeh¡­ Should we remain silent¡­ or not?¡± Brothiel hesitantly asked.


    ¡°AAAAAARRH!!!¡± Deamon, scratched his face. ¡°What did I do to deserve this¡­  Prepare the legions! Today we go to war! Just wait, Angela! This time I¡¯ll¡­ and then I¡¯ll¡­ and that too!!!¡±


    While Deamon was ranting on her own, the cherubs were muttering again amongst themselves.


    ¡°He really doesn¡¯t like her¡­¡±


    ¡°Quite the opposite in fact. You see, they were childhood friend, but¡­ well¡­¡±


    ¡°He? With that bitch? But she is a¡­¡±


    ¡°Deamon Bro takes after Father after all- OUCH!!¡±


    The second penguin slipper was casted upon Brothiel¡¯s head.


    ¡°GO GATHER THE TROOPS!! NOOOOOOOOOOW!!¡±


    ¡°¡°¡°¡°YES!!¡±¡±¡±¡±


    The four four-winged beings darted outside, leaving Deamon to his solitary ranting.


    ¡­


    That day, a floating gate suddenly appeared amongst the clouds right above the city of Noluk, where the portal to the [Demon Realm ¡°Hell¡±] was located. And from this gate flooded out thousands of angels, archangels, principalities, powers, virtues, dominions, thrones and four cherubs lead by a very pissed shouting seraphim.


    For a brief instant, the sky was filled with winged humanoids, occulting the sun. The surge of holy aura in the surrounding atmosphere was such that all the creatures, players and NPCs which had even the slightest affinity with darkness bursted into white flames, their eyes exploding and gory fluids in combustion splattering all around, igniting devastating fires throughout the city.


    Ironically, the city where the gate to demonland had opened was right in the middle of the [Altor Theocracy]. After the original city was destroyed by the demons¡¯ invasion, it had been rebuilt and became the siege of the Inquisition.


    On that fateful day, after the legions of heaven raining from the sky disappeared inside the lower portal, leaving hundreds of charred corpse in the surrounding burning city and a giant opened gate floating above it, this meaningful phrase was uttered by Cardinal Zozeph, head of the Inquisition:


    ¡°What the Hell just happened?!¡±


    This event became known as the Incomprehensible Tragedy of Noluk.


    * * *


    Several dozen kilometres away, totally oblivious to the cataclysm she had caused by inadvertence ¨C But then, who told the denizens of Heaven to be jumpy warmongers, uh? ¨C Victoria continued to laugh suspiciously like a tax official smelling a fraud, and began happily skipping towards the destroyed gates.


    Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    Athena followed while looking around as usual, analysing everything and her shield ready.


    ¡°Are you sure it¡¯s safe to enter?¡±


    The dhampir stopped  cackling and shrugged without looking back.


    ¡°Nope. But the damage looks a bit old, don¡¯t you think? I doubt whoever did this is still around.¡±


    ¡°It makes sense,¡± the Shieldbearer agreed, having also noticed the vegetation already starting to grow over the lower fallen stones and the lack of footsteps in the dirt road. ¡°But that doesn¡¯t mean they aren¡¯t in the town anymore.¡±


    ¡°Maybe, or maybe not. We are as likely to run into danger inside the town as outside, so we should just stick to our plan, no?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Intrigued by Athena¡¯s sudden silence, Victoria this time turned around and made a puzzled face.


    ¡°What?¡±


    The tall woman looked a little stunned, but she shook her head like to get rid of something. Her copper hair jerked sideways, following the movement.


    ¡°Nothing. I was just surprised to hear you use the words ¡®stick to¡¯ and ¡®plan¡¯ together.¡±


    ¡°HOY!! How dare you?! Can I hit you too?¡±


    Victoria had meant her outcry as a joke, but Athena hung her head down.


    ¡°Sorry¡­ I didn¡¯t mean to insult you.¡±


    ¡°No¡­ I¡­ Aaargh! I can¡¯t deal with you! That¡¯s cheating to always be so aggressive whenever I do something stupid and then look so meek whenever I make you a reproach¡­ I can¡¯t stay angry that way¡­ I want to pet you¡­ Bow!¡±


    The Soulbound complied and the mighty Progenitor used her right hand to caresse the wavy metallic-coloured locks with a blissful expression. Victoria really liked the feeling of hair between her fingers ¨C which was half of the reason why Nicolas kept McLeon as a pet despite the cat¡¯s unruly personality ¨C and Athena¡¯s blushing face was a non-negligible plus.


    The dhampir¡¯s little piece of heaven was however intruded by a whimpering raucous voice, calling out in the ominous silence.


    ¡°Eeeeeh¡­ Sis¡­ If we¡¯re going, can I stand up now?¡±


    Victoria frowned and glared at the archzombie, who was bend backwards in a very gymnastical bridge position, with his head twisted one hundred and eighty degree. Einstein would have looked extremely intimidating, crawling like that, if he had not looked so pitiful. True, he could not feel pain. But keeping positions his body was originally not made for was somehow extremely uncomfortable and nerve-wracking on the long run.


    ¡°Nope!¡± The Princess stuck out her tongue with a dark unhealthy glitter in her eyes. ¡°You¡¯re grounded!¡±


    ¡°But I really am innocent¡­ I swear¡­¡±


    ¡°No whining. You are presumed guilty until proven otherwise.¡±


    ¡°Sis¡­ I¡¯m quite sure it¡¯s the other way arou-¡±


    ¡°Shut up Einstein.¡±


    The jaws of the moving corpse slammed shut with a cracking sound, although inarticulate wheezing sounds still permeated through the gaping hole in his cheek. Sitting next to the abused Einstein, a little plush puppy was snickering woofily, glad not to be at the bottom of the totem pole anymore. After all, if one could not move up in society, they could still find solace of the hardships of the more miserable.


    Victoria smiled at her newest familiar¡¯s pleading blind eyes, which were still dry though. Dead man shed no tears.


    ¡°I love this absolute obedience feature.¡±


    *ting*


    <table><tbody><tr><td>


    [Sadism] has levelled up.


    </td></tr></tbody></table>


    ¡°Hehehehe. It¡¯s training. Trai~ning, I tell you! Hohohoho!¡± she haughtily giggled as she finally released Athena from her petting ¡°punishment¡±. The Progenitor truly had no notion of impartiality in dealing with her entourage.


    While whistling, she once again began to skip down the dirt road, completely ignoring the pair of quadrupeds behind her and only gazing in wonder at her surroundings and sometimes at the tall copper-headed woman still standing where she left her.


    The Shielbearer glanced at the awkwardly crawling zombie, a complicated expression on her face, then she shrugged it off and followed her friend. She wasn¡¯t quite sure what she had against their newest companion. It wasn¡¯t like Einstein had ever done anything to wrong her, beside the repetitive confusion over her gender.


    However, even if she refused to admit it in virtue of her own self-worthlessness, Athena most likely felt that this new addition to their team was infringing upon her time alone with Victoria. Admittedly, there had already been Toto, but he did not count. Never mind that he technically was a mighty dragon¡­ or used to be. The plushy was barely more than a mascot now. A high-level flamethrower of a mascot, true, but a mascot nonetheless.


    No matter how murderous they were, no toy could ever be taken seriously¡­ ask Chucky.


    Anyway, since her mind was unable to actively resent the undead, Athena had settled for reflexively ignoring Einstein, while Victoria pushed onto him whatever her derailing moral compass suggested.


    ¡°You would not believe your ey~es ?


    If ten million firefli~es ?


    ? Lit up the world as I fell asleep¡­


    *whistle*


    ~? ? ???~


    ? ''Cause they''d fill the open air


    ? And leave tear drops everywhere


    You''d think me rude ?


    ? But I would just stand and stare¡­ ?¡±


    Twirling, impersonating a plane and kicking pebbles, the merry dhampir blissfully continued to skip past the crumbled wall, singing an old tune from the lost days of 2009 <2>, in complete discordance with the drab atmosphere of her surroundings.


    Inside the outer rampart, what the group came upon was not a town, but fields filled with various types of cultivable foods, like wheat, tomatoes, and corn, or turnips and rutabagas ¨C which were two totally different vegetables, despite what some might think. The lack of trees around allowed to see far and wide, and the weather sucked wherever they looked, which did nothing to dip into Victoria¡¯s good mood.


    ¡°I''d like to make myself beli~eve ?


    ? That planet Earth turns slo~wly~


    ? It''s hard to say that I''d rather stay~ awake when I''m asle~ep


    ''Cause everything is never as it se~ems ?¡±


    This agricultural section was actually why the inhabitants of Erwyn had been able to survive despite the rather unfriendly neighbours. Even if the royal family still officially ruled, the ¡°kingdom¡± was now barely more than a collection of autarkic city-states. The town itself was a few kilometres further down the road, enclosed in a second inner wall.


    However, these second fortifications had been built several centuries after the outer runic wall, so they were much more fragile ¨C relatively speaking, big ass walls will be big ass walls ¨C and thus there was little to no hope they had resisted to whatever creature had bulldozed through the front gate. Victoria and co. were yet to get a clear view of the town they could spot in the distance, but they already had an inkling to what they might find over there.


    On both sides of the dirt path, the fields had been trampled by a stampede of bodies. The reason why there were no visible footsteps was in fact less due to their actual absence and more because they overlapped each other in a way that blended with the uneven ground.


    The undamaged portion of the crops looked neglected. The man-made fields had not yet returned to wilderness, but clearly no one had been around here for a few weeks to a few months. Neither Victoria nor Athena could be more accurate time-wise, because farming ¨C ironically ¨C was not their domain.


    Hither and tither, scarce human silhouettes were wandering aimlessly around. But when one of those lone wanderers actually stumbled closer, it became obvious that he or she was not very fresh anymore. Victoria nonchalantly exploded the [Lesser Zombie]¡¯s fleshy skull with a [Lightning Bolt] ¨C a more focused version of [Lightning Strike] ¨C before continuing her merry way.


    The pebbles she was playfully kicking were in most cases human teeth scattered along the road.


    ¡°? ¡®Cause I''d get a thousand hugs


    From ten thousand lightning bugs ?


    ? As they tried to teach me how to dance¡­


    A foxtrot above my hea~d ?


    ? A sock hop beneath my be~d ?


    The disco ball is just hanging by a thread¡­¡±


    *tap*


    *molar rolling*


    ¡°Ah!¡±


    Possessed by a sudden desire for ¦Â-carotene, Victoria abruptly interrupted her singing and rushed off the road. Then she bent down and tried to pluck a carrot off the ground¡­


    She failed.


    FEEEEEAR THE MIGHTY PROGENITOR, RULER OF THE VAMPIRE RACE!!!


    This is getting ridiculous¡­ Or are carrots my nemeses? Wasn¡¯t it supposed to be garlic?


    She could almost hear the buried root laugh at her. It was most likely her imagination though.


    ¡°Thena¡­¡±


    Her teary pout got an indulgent sigh out of Athena, who uprooted the recalcitrant vegetable for her physically impotent friend¡­ then repeated the action a dozen times on Victoria¡¯s insistence.


    As the mighty Progenitor stashed the orange items in her inventory, Athena sighed again. Even if the dhampir was supposed to be the older one, the tall Shieldbearer had more and more the sensation of dealing with a little kid, or maybe a capricious kitten.


    Had any of the people who knew Elric heard Athena¡¯s thoughts right now, they would probably have doubted the woman¡¯s sanity. But of course, Victoria was not entirely Elric. Even if you couldn¡¯t judge a book by its cover, physical appearance still played a role in shaping someone¡¯s personality.


    Elric had been playful and random, but he liked to look overbearing and epic when dealing with people. He also generally stuck with his roleplay as a kinda-righteous pseudo-paladin of Light, despite the legions of players ¨C mostly people from Dragonheart Flower ¨C who might have disagreed with that last claim.


    Victoria had no such qualms or general goals however. Playing the game with Athena was enough of a purpose for her right now. Thus she let her whims drive her body on unrelated matters. Even then, it was doubtful that anyone in UT, beside the Soulbound, would have seen in Victoria Sangbleu something like a devilish kitten.


    Athena had yet to see how heartless her friend could be when dealing with people she disliked.


    Oh, the Shieldbearer had some suspicions about what the sociopathic dhampir was capable of. Just the glint in her eyes while she tortured Einstein was enough of a hint. However, it wouldn¡¯t be until much much later that Athena would truly measure what angering the Knowledgeable could mean.


    * * *


    ¡°Mmmmh¡­ I feel like there¡¯s something missing¡­¡±


    ¡°The gates perhaps?¡±


    ¡°Oh! The gates indeed. Good eyes Thena.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think anyone would miss it.¡±


    ¡°Well, I¡¯d say it is much more difficult to spot the absence of something that is supposed to be there rather than spotting something that is actually there.¡±


    ¡°Maybe¡­ But not when the ¡®somethings¡¯ are four metres tall city gates!¡±


    The inner entrance was actually much less damaged than the outer one¡­ In fact, the gates had been so thoroughly and surgically obliterated than not even dust remained, while the adjoining walls looked untouched. Truly a clean job, like the perpetrator had this time wanted to preserve the inside of the town.


    In the secrecy of her mind, Victoria discretely clapped her hands at the display of talent. She knew how hard it was to obliterate stuff with subtlety.


    ¡°So¡­ Let¡¯s?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m taking the front. No objection this time.¡±


    For once, the dhampir did not complain at being protected. She even allowed Einstein to stand back up on his feet. She had never believed him to be the culprit anyway. She had access to his stats and skills list after all. The archzombie was a squishy stealth-based character. Blasting a runic gate was vastly out of his abilities.


    Athena thus entered first, shield raised and combat mode switched on. On her armoured shoulder, Toto was perched like a turret ready to fire. Very terminator-like, if one could make abstraction of the turret¡¯s cuteness. Victoria followed closely, looking unusually careful and serious¡­ though the overall effect was a little spoiled by the two carrots ¨C one half-eaten ¨C which she was holding menacingly in reverse grip. Einstein staggered behind them, still trying to twist his head back in the right direction.


    Soon they disappeared inside a town where unknown dangers awaited them¡­ probably.


    * * *


    As the absurd fellowship stepped warily into Cali, a dark cloaked figure rose form the midst of the carrots. The being¡¯s face was shrouded in the darkness of a large hood and the two sleeves of the cloak were joined. Not even a speck of skin was visible, making it doubtful whether there was even skin to begin with.


    A slow emotionless voice whispered in the silence: ¡°So¡­ that is¡­ the¡­ Progenitor. To be¡­ able to sense¡­ through¡­ my camouflage¡­ How¡­ impressive¡­ But that is¡­ still¡­ not enough¡­ Come!¡±


    The hem of the long cloak flapped like under the effect of a gust of wind. Yet the surrounding vegetable leaves did not sway in the slightest. From the revealed darkness under the cloak, four orbs of shadow flew out, rapidly growing and taking the appearance of four giant black skeletons. Each wore a black set of heavy armour and carried an intimidating broadsword on its back. All four were kneeling to the faceless being.


    ¡°Go¡­ Cover¡­ each entrance¡­ If the¡­ Progenitor¡­ comes out¡­ capture... her. Kill¡­ the others¡­¡±


    Without a word, the four dreadful [Death Knights] stood up and scattered in the fields, mercilessly spilling the blood of innocent tomatoes in their wake. They were slow, but these undead were not made for speed. Instead, their power was beyond compare and their resilience brought despair to their opponents.


    Truly monsters worthy of being Jafar Judrasputin¡¯s creations.


    ¡°Soon¡­ Progenitor¡­ Soon¡­ you will be¡­ master¡¯s¡­ slave¡­¡±


    The foreboding whispers floated in the air, but the hooded figure was already nowhere to be seen.


    ¡°Soon¡­¡±


    * * * * *


    <hr />


    <1> Well¡­


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    <2> Owl City ¨C Fireflies:


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    <hr />


    Changed the synopsis. I had thought for some time it was a lil¡¯ too long. Anyway¡­


    This time, we had:


    Petting.


    Punishment.


    A distant war which may or may not be relevant to the plot.


    Carrots.


    And an ambushed enemy who had been waiting amidst the vegetables since the end of the epilogue of volume zero¡­ SEE! I TOLD YOU THERE WAS A PLOT!!


    Quick reminder:


    <blockquote><cite>Quote:</cite>The undead Lord glared menacingly at the wrinkled old half-beastman before him, a ghastly green orb hovering over his curled up phalanxes. Then he ragingly threw the [Necroblast] at the chained lich, who howled and arched its back in pain, before turning towards the silent Faceless.


    ¡°Take four [Death Knights] of my personal guard and go to Cali. If the Progenitor shows up, watch from afar but do not intervene if she approaches the seal. If she leaves the town, with or without the key, capture her. If she is not alone, kill her companions. Only the Progenitor matters.¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­ Master.¡±</blockquote>


    Poor Faceless¡­ Subordinates of evil magesterminds are always overexploited. And they don¡¯t even get paid. Nor do they get vacations or retirement. Truly a sad existence.


    So, thanks for reading and see you next chapter¡­ which will hopefully be out faster than this one¡­ probably¡­

 Sorry?

    What¡¯s up Doc?


    Eeeeh¡­ Hi? How¡¯s everyone? ¡­Me? I¡¯m fine¡­ okay¡­ So¡­ I believe some apologies are in order on the matter or my absence, which was rude, long and without forewarnings. Then again, I¡¯m not really sorr¨C Ah. No. I was supposed to be humble here¡­ Eeeeh¡­ yes.


    Let¡¯s start again. *cough* *cough*


    So¡­ after receiving heart-warming and concerned messages from some of you, dear readers, and some encrypted threats from others whom I shall not name¡­ *cough*ArchmageNaoki*cough* ¡­ I concluded it was time for some appo¨C grovel¨C prostern¨C explanations.


    What happened was a small case of writer¡¯s block¡­ at first. I then committed the damnable mistake of trying to write something else for a while, waiting for inspiration of the genderbent-bloodsucker kind to come back to me. Oooooh, how young and foolish was I¡­ in the olden days of a year ago¡­ So young. I really believed I would able to focus on several things at the same time.


    And, big surprise: I wasn¡¯t.


    The result were four other budding stories which¨C  I feel like I¡¯m digressing, so I¡¯ll cut to the chase: I was never sure which one to write, so I ended up writing none and reading instead. (Though I do plan to release those other stories at some point¡­ probably soon¡­ eventually¡­ one of these days¡­)


    So I read¡­ readed¡­ no, read. What a confusing past participle. Anyway. I read ¨C past tense ¨C a lot. And I still read ¨C present. See! That¡¯s confusing!! ¨C but less now that I¡¯m back on my meds. Although I¡¯m not really sorry because I did enjoy myself a lot ¨C Should I say that? It kind of makes me seem like an asshole¡­ Well, you kind of are¡­ Geez. Thanks, Me. ¨C but I do feel a bit ashamed to say I went full hikkikomori for a while. Ignoring not only my faithful readers ¨C Yes, you, public! ¨C but also my ¨C few ¨C friends.


    No, really, I basically ignored them for six months yet they still welcomed me with open arms when I came out of my hermitage. What good friends I have. I bet ponies approve¨C AH! But I¡¯m sure you don¡¯t give a flying pink platypus about my life. Chaos knows I don¡¯t care much either.


    Sooooo¡­ about ¡°Tales of the Blood Princess¡± ¨C which is to be renamed ¡°The Blood Princess¡¯ Tales¡± because that possessive case is haunting me in my lack of sleep ¨C I declare:


    IT IS NOT DROPPED! Nor shall it be.


    Just to be clear.


    Actually, for the past <del>couple of</del> <del>three</del> four (I keep rewriting this apology) months, I¡¯ve been doing some heavy re-editing, starting from chapter ichi.


    Even if I never really stressed that point, Tales of the Blood Princess was my first attempt at writing something ¨C my unpublished tentative French horror novel notwithstanding ¨C and I soon discovered my ambition had kind of overwhelmed my skills. Upon re-reading my story, I was a bit displeased by a few things at the beginning and along the way, so I decided to change them.


    First, I straightened that unholly mess of flashbacks and flashforwards and info dump that were the first few chapters. *shivers* The info dump couldn¡¯t be totally obliterated, unfortunately, but I did remove some dubiously necessary parts and tried to arrange the rest to feel less like a lecture by a half-dead teacher mixed with wish-fulfilment and more like pertinent descriptive narration. I¡¯ll let you be the judge of that.


    Also, we have a brand new prologue. Yeah~¡­ I guess.


    As for other changes, the major one is that the story is now written with a 1st person narrator. RIP M. Narrator¡­


    The thing was that the narrator kind of had the same personality as Elric/Victoria/Nicolas. I mean, it was all well and good when the story revolved around him/her alone, but the feeling it gave off felt a bit... well... off when the story focused on other characters. Especially Athena, given she''s supposed to be this overly serious but irritable girl.


    Try to stay serious when the clown telling your story makes fourth wall jokes each damn paragraph. Yeah. Not happening.


    I¡¯ve also made some remodelling with Athena¡¯s personality, in a way that I think makes more sense¡­ though she ended even more bipolar than before I think¡­ and probably weirder? I don¡¯t know. Though it does feel awkward that I used my dad as a reference¡­ given that Victoria is a caricature of myself¡­


    ¡­


    ¡­¡­


    ¡­¡­¡­


    Nooooope. So much nope.


    Aaaaaaaaaa-nyway¡­ What I really wanted to say was that Victoria an¡¯ co. will return as soon as the edits are finished ¨C or as soon as I break under pressure and start releasing. It includes editing the few unpublished chapters which I had finished before going on hiatus.


    Hiatus. God I hate that word. There¡¯s nothing I hate more than an author suddenly stopping in the middle of their work. I¡¯m a bit of a hypocrite I suppose¡­ *sigh* Damn, now I feel sorry.


    ¡­sorry.


    As an¡­ apology of sort, I deliver to you the culprits of my temporary abandon of the physical world.


    I mean, I did spent months held up at home reading every single femslash I could get my hands on. Plus a few others. So if you¡¯re in such lack of good reading material that you¡¯re willing to put up with my sorry inconsistent selfish ass to get your fix¡­ here¡¯s some for you (mostly fictionpress stuff):


    First and furthermost, I recommend anything by StarvingLunatic</a>. That''s one great author. There''s a few fantasy ones in the mix too. Like the one called ¡°Celestial Reign¡±, which is awesome. QueerFairy</a> and Imagine Nation</a> are good authors too, but far from on  par with the Lunatic. DarkRhodion</a> comes close, if not for the unrealistic affliction which all of their characters suffer from: Everyone. Becomes. Gay. Everyone!! I think there''s two... maybe three hetero couples in there. Good stories nonetheless.


    Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    And those stories too:


    - Desert Lilies</a>. Naga X ex-slave girl. Snaky!


    - Lamia''s Fist</a>. Boxing Lamia¡­ X human orphanage owner. Feels like a novel version of Hajime no Ippo, but with lesbians and snakes.


    - . "Sky Woman" and "Rune Knight"</a> Healer, dragons and assassins. Good story. Good characters. Excellent world-building.


    - Lex and Amanda series</a> by Carrie Carr. It¡¯s a cute love story between two women in modern times Texas. Simple, yet great.


    - Dar and Kerry</a> by Melissa Good. Again, modern times. Any of you familiar with the term ¡®Uberfic¡¯? Well, if you¡¯re not, it doesn¡¯t matter. This romance is great. And loooong¡­ Though, be warned, there are some continuity issues because the published versions are not exactly the same as the online ones.


    Then there¡¯s a bunch of books by Radclyffe</a>, but you¡¯ll have to buy those. They¡¯re good. Not revolutionary, but simple and straightforward. Want a lesbian romance? Get a lesbian romance. I recommend the Honor Series¡­ because I haven¡¯t read any of the others¡­ Hehehe¡­


    In fact¡­ Just check out that list: Best Lesbian Novel Series</a> on goodreads.


    And, if you''re not into girlXgirl, F/F, etc.:


    - Emissary of Death</a>. Awesome, if a little slow at times.


    - Human to Fish</a>. Current favourite. About a girl turned into a mermaid by a bunch of a**holes in the name of SCIENCE!! Slow updates, but worth it.


    - A Curious Mask</a>. Basically, a psycho trying to feel. Lots of fantasy and kings and fights and romance too.


    - The Crow and the King</a>. Transvestite female blacksmith meets prince.


    - To Become a Suitable Heroine</a>. It''s funny.


    - Midnight Moonlight</a>. Vampires, werewolves and romance¡­ No, seriously, give it a try. The heroin is neurotic and paranoiac.


    - Stone Burners</a>. Who doesn¡¯t like a dragon-girl in modern prejudiced super-hero setting?


    - The Zombie Knight</a>. Does anybody not know about this one? It¡¯s like not knowing about Worm</a>. I mean, have you EVER been on topwebfiction</a>?


    - Hardcore OP-ness</a>. Chaotic perversion at its mightiest.


    - Void Domain</a>. An urban fantasy with lots of demons and a female MC of dubious moral standards. Lots of grey here.


    Aaaaand Taint</a>. It¡¯s a¡­ cute¡­ horror story, I suppose? A cute horror story of epic proportions with an odd mix of medfan-wuxia-scifi-ish stuff? It¡¯s great! Really! Try it out!


    I¡¯d also recommend Death Marching to the Parallel World Rhapsody</a>, but¡­ who¡¯s not yet reading that?


    Oh, and if you haven¡¯t already, take a look at A Mermaid¡¯s Responsibility</a>, Dead Gods Tell No Tales</a>, and The Daily Life of a Mushroom</a>. On this very website.


    Eeeeh¡­ Did I got side-tracked again? Sorry. Point is...


    <b>Spoiler</b> : <input type=''button'' value=''Show'' class=''spoilerButton''>


    But you have still some time to read something else before it happens. I¡¯ll try to hurry.


    The Blood Princess¡¯ Tales will be the same but different¡­ and hopefully better. I¡¯d say you should read it again from the start when it eventually comes out, because a good chunk of the text will have been altered... but the actual plot ¨C or lack of thereof ¨C will be mostly identical, so I¡¯ll understand if you prefer to wait for the story to catch up to where Tales of the Blood Princess left off.


    Then again, given how much time will have passed, you probably could use a refresher. Gods know I did.


    So, with my best regards,


    See you (as) soon (as possible),


    Sorrily (is that a word?) yours,


    Doc.


    <hr />


    PS: I shall post an announcement here with the link to the new version, so that you don¡¯t need to stake out the Latest Updates page. Am I being arrogant thinking you¡¯d do that?


    PPS: A very merry unbirthday to all of you.

 The Penultimate

    Not A Chapter


    Well¡­ duh.


    This is the penultimate post on TotBP!


    And thus: Pertinent Song Extract!


    ¡°When you wish upon a star ??


    Makes no difference who you are ?


    ?? Anything your heart desires


    Will come to you. ?¡±


    ¨C Jiminy Cricket.


    ¡­


    ¡­¡­


    ¡­¡­¡­


    Um¡­ I didn¡¯t remember those lyrics as well as I thought. ¡°Makes no matter who you are¡±? Really Disney?


    *coughCOUGHcoughhitlercoughCOUGH*


    Damnit, that¡­ written¡­ cough.


    Have you ever had the written cough? It¡¯s horrible. And my fingers sneeze too.


    People think I¡¯ve hand seizures. But I tell them: ¡°No. I¡¯ve got the written cough.¡±


    They don¡¯t believe me.


    Doc. You¡¯re side-tracking already.


    Am I? Oh. I am.


    Thank you for pointing that out¡­ me.


    *sigh*


    ¡­I need more friends.


    What am I saying? I don¡¯t need more friends.


    I need friends.


    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha¨Cahhhhhh¡­


    A-ny-way. Four months ago, on the 13th of Mars 2016, I po¨C Was it so long ago already? How times flies. I would have sworn¨C


    Side-tracking.


    ¡­


    ¡­and I wonder why I never get anything done.


    So, on the 13-03-2016 I posted a message announcing the future return of Tales of the Blood Princess. Well, to whoever whished Elric¡¯s return upon a star, and knew someday their princess would come (back), I announce, proclaim, declare:


    Soon it will be a done thing!


    Is this something you can say? ¡°A done thing¡±? Whatever. Me non-english native talker don¡¯t not not give a care because me writer and me decide! Voil¨¤!


    You¡¯re ridiculous.


    Shut up, Brain.


    Now pay attention because this is the only sentence you <del>deranged addicts</del> dear readers really care about¡­


    Ready?


    Sure?


    Here it comes:


    ¨q¡î¨s ¨q¡î¨s ¨q¡î¨s ¡ø ¡ø ¡ø  ¨t¡î¨r ¨t¡î¨r ¨t¡î¨r


    The first part of the prologue will be online before the end of the month.


    ¨t¡î¨r ¨t¡î¨r ¨t¡î¨r ¨‹  ¨‹  ¨‹ ¨q¡î¨s ¨q¡î¨s ¨q¡î¨s


    Emphasized enough for you?


    It¡¯s okay. You can leave now. Bye-bye. See you in ten days.


    ¡­


    ¡­¡­


    ¡­¡­¡­


    Still there? What for?


    ^~^


    Okay. A couple more info.


    So, yes. I said ¡°first part¡± of the prologue. There are three. Because I never learnt to do things fast. Tehee~.


    I won¡¯t go into much details about the changes to the story, because, let¡¯s be honest, there had be no real development by the time I dropped it last time. So: surprise! But I¡¯ve tried to put in more plot¡­ tried. Hehehe¡­ It¡¯s still mostly a slice-of-life kind of story. (And honestly, the beginning is still the beginning: undead, Nutrek, Kansas and castle in Nowhere.)


    I mean¡­ The first volume is called:


    <blockquote><cite> Wrote: </cite>


    Book 0:


    Enter, the Reckless Imbecile!


    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Welcome to Untold Tales!


    </blockquote>


    Book 0. Because I don¡¯t consider the story started until the introduction of the main gal¡­ well, the main real girl.


    BECAUSE


    THIS


    IS


    A


    ROMANCE!!


    DAMMIT!!!


    So¡­ yeah. Still a slow start. But¡­ Oh, well. You¡¯ll judge by yourselves. And, with luck, I will be able to dodge the tomatoes.


    I hate tomatoes.


    Also, I changed the title. Not that you care much I bet. I worked a little on a cover. (¡°WORK ON THE CHAPTERS YOU BUFFOON!!!¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah¡­¡±).


    As you can tell by the hearts, this is a romance. Did I mention that already?


    No I didn¡¯t misspell HTTP.


    And here¡¯s an attempt at a synopsis:


    <blockquote><cite> Wrote: </cite>My name is Nicolas. Nicolas Siegel.


    People say I¡¯m weird.


    I don¡¯t know why, and the voice in my head won¡¯t tell me.


    Oh well¡­


    Wan¡¯ a cookie?


    <hr />


    This is a story about an atypical player in a typical VR fantasy game, (re)written by an author who still sucks at delivering synopsises. Follow the adventures of Nicolas Siegel, alias Elric Walker, alias the Wandering Knight, alias the Reckless Imbecile, alias [spoiler], a young man afflicted with mild sociopathy and worsening schizophrenia as he travels the virtual world of Untold Tales, battling against goblins, paved roads and undead squirrels, and maybe find love.


    Author¡¯s Note: I swear this is a romance!</blockquote>


    Oh. Side note. I¡¯m working on a patreon page. Yes, yes. Booooh. Bad greedy author. $_$


    In any case, I won¡¯t activate it until I¡¯m sure I can deliver a steady flow of chapters ¨C and until I figure out exactly how that thing works. Hahaha. Me and money stuff¡­ *sigh*


    I won¡¯t either do stuff like sponsored chapters. Not that I have anything against authors who do that. It¡¯s just that sponsored chapters mean a schedule and sticking to it¡­ and¡­ it¡¯s just¡­ not my thing. It will only be there so that if you, yes you beloved readers, can¡¯t bear the thought of poor little me working at something that I extremely enjoy without receiving money I currently don¡¯t need¡­ Well, I wouldn¡¯t want you to suffer, now would I? *evil shark smirk*


    On that subject, people really need to stop being judgemental of sharks. It¡¯s not their fault they¡¯re carnivorous killing machines with more teeth than an Australian centipede has legs. Sharks are not evil, they¡¯re misunderstood. They just want hugs. But they can¡¯t. Because they¡¯re sharks. They don¡¯t have arms. So they hug you with their mouth. And¡­ well¡­ School Day¨C I mean: Jaws.


    Common mistake. Both have blood, and boats.


    Well, that¡¯s it. I leave you with this song from the great Scatman John, which hopefully will get stuck in your head until I eventually release something.


    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


    .


    .


    .


    .


    .


    .


    PS: I lied¡­ I do have friends.


    PPS: Papope paraparapa pi pa po pe!

 The LINK (not Zelda)

No need for anything long, is there? The image is the link.


    </a>