《RE: Trailer Trash》 1: An uncomfortable homecoming. ¡°You¡¯re kidding me,¡± Ms. Tabitha Moore groaned, casting a wary look at the colossal old-fashioned MRI. There was something familiar about the giant thing. ¡°This thing looks even older than I am.¡± ¡°Almost!¡± the young nurse laughed, distractedly wafting and drifting holographic menu screens projected into the air from the ring on her hand. Her fingers danced as she navigated through the clusters. ¡°She¡¯s about half a century old, now. Don¡¯t knock her age, though¡ªsomehow or other, this old girl gives us more comprehensive scans than our brand new ones.¡± ¡°Somehow, that seems¡­ unlikely,¡± Tabitha chuckled uneasily. She pointedly glanced around at the hypermodern fixtures and glossy white walls of the chamber deep within the University Hospital complex. It was the year 2045, and at sixty years old, she was petite and frail, with short gray hair and weathered skin lined with wrinkles. She¡¯d lived a rather hard, unforgiving life, and futuristic medical breakthroughs in life expectancy had plateaued in the 2020s¡ªlife expectancy even slowly declining with each succeeding generation due to increasingly unhealthy modern lifestyles. Which she was as guilty of as anyone else. Still, though¡­ Looking at this huge old machine, Ms. Tabitha Moore was even more nervous to get her recurring headaches looked at for some reason. ¡°No, it¡¯s true!¡± the RN insisted, patting the giant old machine. ¡°She¡¯s special. Reads extremely fine deep-tissue electrical activity, catches all the little individual neurons as they¡¯re firing. There¡¯s some big legal deal, with the patent-holder not releasing the rights to the technology, or... something like that. University of Louisville Hospital has some sorta loophole that lets us keep using this one for patients, though.¡± ¡°And... it¡¯s absolutely safe?¡± ¡°Of course! It had some sort of issue, only like, once, forty-seven years ago, I think.¡± the bubbly nurse assured her. ¡°Do you have your PC on you? It¡¯ll have to come off before we put you in, sadly. Not because this machine¡¯s old! Even with the new ones, you can¡¯t wear your computer inside them.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha said, sliding her bracelet-style PC off a wrinkled wrist and watching it go dark. She set it on the offered tray and then caressed the unfamiliar absence it left behind. ¡°It¡¯s just, I¡¯ve had a bad experience in an MRI like this, before.¡± ¡°Oh, do you get claustrophobic?¡± the RN asked, flicking a finger through the display of light to summon Ms. Tabitha Moore¡¯s chart back up. ¡°I think we can give you a sedative, if that¡¯ll make you feel more comfortable. It just makes the whole process take a lot longer.¡± ¡°...No,¡± Tabitha slowly sighed. ¡°No, let¡¯s just get this over with.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll be fine,¡± the registered nurse smiled, helping the older woman up onto the examination table. ¡°Take deep breaths and lie still, and this¡¯ll all be over before you know it.¡± With that, she slowly slid the exam table and its reluctant old passenger into the MRI. Leaning inside to check on her one last time, the young nurse crossed a safe distance away and opened the holograph for the device with a spread of her fingertips. Indicator lights blinked into existence as it began powering up. ¡°You still doing okay in there, Ms. Moore?¡± ¡°It smells like old lady in here.¡± ¡°Hah hah ha, we¡¯ll have to see what we can do about that next time,¡± the nurse laughed, shaking her head. ¡°Alright, here we go!¡± Deep breath, Tabitha, deep breath, Ms. Tabitha Moore frowned, squeezing her eyes tightly closed. It¡¯s fine, that was a long time ago. And this is proven technology, this time. This machine hasn¡¯t had a mishap in¡­ wait, forty-seven years? Forty-seven years¡­ wasn¡¯t that¡ª
A terrible screeching resounded from the prototype MRI device in the Emsie St. Juarez Children¡¯s hospital. A noise like impossibly loud scraping glass, rising then to a high-pitched nails-on-chalkboard crescendo, before finally fading away with the disconcerting pop of an electrical breaker blowing out. Everyone within a quarter-mile of the facility visibly flinched, a stinging pain blossoming in their eardrums, and then the power went out across all of Jefferson county. Thirteen-year-old Tabitha Moore was still screaming within the device when the hospital backup generators restored power to the MRI room¡ªan enclosed space which had sharply risen over thirty degrees in temperature, and was rapidly filling with smoke. The fire alarm triggered, and the twitching and shuddering teenage girl inside the prototype MRI felt raw panic swelling up inside her just as an intense pain began to subside. ¡°Jesus fricking Christ!¡± The door set in the copper-lined wall shielding the room and its sensitive device from radio interference burst open. Tabitha¡¯s ears were still ringing from the unearthly din, but she still heard a familiar-sounding male voice shouting out. ¡°Get her the frick out of there!¡± I¡¯m never getting in one of these contraptions ever again, Tabitha resolved, quaking in fear and struggling with the hospital gown she found herself caught in. Where the hells did this thing come from? I don¡¯t care what she says, or how bad the headaches get. These old things are goddamned deathtraps. Several people pushed through the billowing smoke to yank the sliding examination table out of the hulking cylindrical aperture of the scanner. It was unbearably hot now, and to her horror, in the waning light of the smoke-filled room Tabitha discovered that her fingers now appeared bloated, looking like stumpy-looking sausage appendages. In fact, she felt grotesquely swollen all over, her tissues... expanded, like a marshmallow microwaved for too long. Terror took over. Her breath hitched into tiny, useless gasps for air as she began to hyperventilate, and as the people were trying to help sit her up she realized her entire body was now shrunken, misshapen, her center of gravity agreeing that something was terribly wrong with her. Eyes stinging with frightened tears, Tabitha looked up, saw the worried face of her father, Mr. Alan Moore¡ªand promptly fainted.
¡°No, I¡¯m not in any pain,¡± Tabitha insisted, scrutinizing the man who resembled her late father. Even her own voice sounded off, now, child-like somehow. ¡°Mister¡­?¡± ¡°You sure don¡¯t seem alright,¡± the man said, leaning in uncomfortably close and giving her a serious look. ¡°Sweetie, you¡¯ve never called me ¡®Mister,¡¯ before.¡± Sweetie? Did she¡­ know this young man? She seemed sure they had never met. A relative of hers? He was in his mid-thirties, and definitely from the paternal side of her family¡ªa cousin, perhaps? The similarities to her long-dead father were simply uncanny. ¡°Did your goddamn piece of junk give her... what, amnesia, or somethin¡¯?¡± the man turned to the doctor standing in the room again, his familiar-looking face filling with anger. ¡°She¡¯s sure as hell never called me ¡®Mister¡¯ before today.¡± ¡°Mr. Moore, there¡¯s no, um, obvious indications of memory loss of any kind,¡± the doctor shook his head, ¡°and no way of knowing for sure, without taking her to the University of Louisville for another reading, on their MRI.¡± The first man snorted at that, clearly indicating that wasn¡¯t an option for consideration. ¡°But, she¡¯s been through some¡­ trauma with this whole experience, so if she was experiencing short-term memory loss, it would be understan¡ª¡± All of the myriad clues seemed to fall into place, and the breath she¡¯d been taking seemed to seize in her chest as Tabitha froze up. It can¡¯t be. I¡¯m not shrunken, or mishapen. I¡¯m... YOUNGER. I¡¯m a fat and useless trailer trash little girl, all over again. TUBBY fucking TABBY. You¡¯ve got to be kidding me... ¡°Trauma? Dr. Powell, that goddamned piece of junk almost had my ears bleeding, and she was stuck in there right in the ground zero of it!¡± Mr. Alan Moore shouted. ¡°If you think¡ª¡± ¡°There¡¯s no problem with my memory,¡± Tabitha interrupted with a sense of finality, staring across the room with a blank face. ¡°Just... with my comprehension of this current situation. Mr. Moore, am I to understand this is not the University of Louisville Hospital?¡± Her powers of observation had apparently flagged in the midst of this ordeal. She was only now wryly noticing that the hospital walls here were terribly outdated¡ªsterile plastic panels, rather than the glass-like enamel resin typical of hypermodern medical establishments. ¡°Sweetie¡­ sweetie, no,¡± the man who seemed to be a younger version of her father blanched, looking at her with concern. ¡°We drove to the children¡¯s hospital, St. Juarez. Remember, it has the big, pretty sculptures in the fountain? Emsie St. Juarez?¡± ¡°...I see,¡± Tabitha nodded, struggling to keep disbelief from her expression. She turned to the doctor. ¡°Then, may I ask what the current date is?¡± ¡°Thursday, May¡­¡± the doctor flipped the corner of a page on his clipboard and glanced at the date on her patient chart. ¡°May seventh. Nineteen ninety-eight.¡± Nineteen ninety-eight. Having her ridiculous suspicion confirmed stunned her into silence, and Tabitha stared down at her small hands and their now chubby little fingers in incredulity. Forty-seven years. I knew that hulking goddamned piece of shit machine looked familiar. IT WAS ME. I was the one who was in their precious multi-million-dollar MRI when it went haywire, forty-seven years ago. So, in twenty forty-five, it sends my mind back to¡­ the past one that went berserk? Back to ninety-eight, when that infernal machine was at the children¡¯s hospital¡ªwhen *I* was at the children¡¯s hospital? Time travel seems so impossibly¡­ well, improbable. Nineteen ninety-eight. Dad¡¯s still alive¡­ this is really, actually him. He¡¯s alive. Mom, too, probably. I¡¯m in, what? Eighth grade? Ninth? I hope to God this isn¡¯t real. That this is just some... electrical signals frying my brain into some death seizure in this MRI piece of shit. Please, ancient fucking machine spirit of the MRI, just let me die. I don¡¯t think I have the strength to do this all over again. Please, don¡¯t make me go back to being this fat fucking useless trailer trash. I¡¯m so tired of hating myself, I can¡¯t do it all again. I really can¡¯t. Letting out a choked sob, the overweight girl gripped the front of her hospital gown until her fists were shaking, and she rocked forward. ¡°Sweetie!¡± Mr. Moore leaned over her, alarmed. ¡°Sweetie, what¡¯s wrong?!¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha cried, shoving him back with flabby thirteen-year-old arms. ¡°No, please, no!¡±
¡°I said I was sorry,¡± Tabitha repeated, once again breaking the awkward silence within the cab of her Dad¡¯s truck. ¡°I was upset. I didn¡¯t mean to be¡­ melodramatic.¡± They were headed on the long drive home, after an ineffectual round of tests on her and some additional angry indignation from her father, who was threatening the staff with a malpractice lawsuit. ¡°You don¡¯t have to be sorry, Sweetie,¡± Mr. Moore said again. ¡°I¡¯m just concerned, ¡®cause you¡¯re still¡­ talkin¡¯ funny. You¡¯ve every reason to be upset. I¡¯m still upset. I¡¯m not gonna feel better ¡®bout any of it ¡®till I hear back from that lawyer. That piece of doo-hickey they shoved you in could¡¯ve cooked yer noggin for good. Buncha psychos, is what they are, puttin¡¯ a little girl in a prototype, where anything and anywhat could go wrong. Buncha crooks.¡± This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°Do I still have to go to school, then?¡± Tabitha probed, trying to sound petulant. Having been living forty-seven years in the future as of... just earlier this morning, her grasp of exactly when that original MRI mishap had occurred in ¡®98 was shaky. When as in, what had been going on in her life at that point. She¡¯d remembered that she¡¯d hit her head taking a bad tumble off a friend¡¯s trampoline, way back then¡ªthe name of that friend had since then escaped her, but bruises on her head seemed to corroborate that memory. Am I still in middle school, or am I already in high school? It being May would indicate that an academic term is concluding, and summer is starting. Right? Fortunate, because I¡¯m rather unlikely to remember the names of any classmates. Or... even where my classes were. ¡°Well, I dunno, Sweetheart,¡± Mr. Moore said, uneasy. ¡°You¡¯ve got yer finals left to do yet¡­ and you seem to be up and about okay, thinkin¡¯ clearly. Tell you what, how ¡®bout I call yer counselor and have you off for tomorrow, and we¡¯ll see what kinda shape you¡¯re in come Monday morning?¡± ¡°...Fine,¡± Tabitha grumbled, genuinely unenthused. Just finishing out middle school, then, I suppose. The thought of having to repeat high school all over again, from the beginning, was a nightmarish prospect¡ªall of her absolute worst memories were from that period. Sighing, she gazed out the window at all of the antiquated-seeming models of car that seemed to fill the roads. Nineteen ninety-eight. What happened back in nineteen ninety-eight? The only major event she recalled from those years was the big plane-hijacking, that terrorist attack on the twin towers. And, for the life of her, she couldn¡¯t recall if it¡¯d happened in the year two thousand, or the years just after that. It was, after all, a lifetime ago. The phrase nine-eleven stuck out in her head. Maybe September, of two-thousand and eleven? That¡¯s further off than I expected. Not like I¡¯d know where to even begin preventing that, she sighed. Or if I even should. Let¡¯s see. I never memorized lottery numbers, and I was always too poor to pay attention to stock market trading. So, I guess getting rich quick is out of the picture. I¡¯m not AMAZING at anything in particular, just... mediocre at dozens of things. Why ME? What¡¯s the use in sending ME, of all people, back to the past? She dreaded the thought of being forced to live it again, to be thirteen years old and be the fat, unattractive girl without friends all over again. Trailer trash, from the Lower Park. The social pariah, who smelled kind of funny, who wore yellowed T-shirts that never quite looked clean, and never really figured out how to take care of herself until it was too late. The dumpy young woman who forced herself on dates with asshole guys of the worst sort, simply because she was terrified of winding up alone. The Tabitha who made one, single genuine close friend in her entire life, a woman fifteen years her junior¡ªa brilliant, talented young woman who wound up committing suicide. Went to college to teach, but it seemed too difficult. Tried to become a fantasy writer, instead, and published two books of a trilogy before they terminated my contract. Julia killed herself. Then, I just gave up on writing. Worked at the Safety plant to pay the bills ¡®till I was out of debt from school, which took... most of my goddamned life. And then, I became a county clerk in Town Hall office for years¡­ and that was it. Tabitha held a blank stare, feeling hollow and disappointed. Not much of a fucking life. She shook her head, turning to watch the profile of her father¡¯s face as he drove. Dad, you look so young. I have to watch you die, all over again. And Mom. I don¡¯t know if I can do this. ¡°Almost home, Pumpkin,¡± he said, misreading her concern. He pulled past a familiar liquor store, and his pickup truck made a turn down the hill, passing the sign for the Lower Park. There had been an Upper Park, at one point, mobile homes filled with retirees and the elderly, but it had been bulldozed and replaced with convenience stores, a gas station, and parking lots. The already low property value of the Lower Park neighborhood plummeted even further as a result, more or less hitting rock bottom in their area. The truck lurched over the speedbumps ever-present throughout the narrow lanes of the park¡ªa measure to keep reckless and impatient drivers from speeding through the confined spaces¡ª and the familiar sight of their trailer came into view. Her childhood home; a sun-baked and graying double-wide tucked into the rows of mobile homes. It actually looked less dirty and decrepit than she recalled. There were no gaps in the panelled skirting around their trailer right now, and the ugly hedge hadn¡¯t grown in yet, either. The tree she¡¯d remembered seeing last, back when she moved out in her late twenties, was still a scrawny little thing, not much more than a thin sapling. Uncle Danny¡¯s car wasn¡¯t there, either¡ªin her past life it had been a permanent fixture of their yard for most of her time there, up on cinder blocks and wrapped in a faded brown tarp. Wonder when he¡¯ll be dropping THAT little beauty off, so that he can go be in prison for the rest of his life. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Her father asked once again, as the truck finally rumbled to a stop in front of their trailer. He gave her another look, and she guiltily stopped peering around at everything as though seeing it for the first time. ¡°I¡ª¡± She froze when she met his eyes. ¡ªNever appreciated how much I actually missed you. I don¡¯t want to lie to you, Daddy, and I don¡¯t think I can pretend to be a child. Wouldn¡¯t even know where to start. ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± he murmured doubtfully, reaching over to tousle her hair. He hadn¡¯t done that in¡ªwell, it certainly felt like forty years. Tabitha fought to keep her eyes from watering again.
Her homecoming was appalling, as she¡¯d expected. Her mother, Mrs. Shannon Moore, was still fat in a fresh, plump way, only just beginning to bulge at the seams. Nothing like the bloated and gigantic obese mass she would become in a few years. Tabitha pondered what the most tactful way to ask if she¡¯d been diagnosed with diabetes yet was. Still, her mother¡¯s knee problems didn¡¯t appear to have surfaced yet, and she was getting around under her own power right now, at least. Even if she didn¡¯t get out of her seat to welcome her daughter home from the hospital. The trailer¡¯s interior was cut off from outside sunlight by both curtains and blankets over the windows, dimly lit instead by the yellow light of incandescent bulbs. It was cluttered with mismatched, tacky, and worn out furniture, and it smelled. Body odor and greasy cooking. The carpet hadn¡¯t met a vacuum cleaner in well over a year, black mold was accumulating in the corners of the ceiling, and dirty dishes were everywhere. Tabitha begged off dinner on the fabricated excuse of a nausea that was becoming very real, but rigid family tradition dictated that she sit with them at the table while they ate all the same. Baked beans and toasted bread¡ªwhy toasted bread?¡ªwas the fine meal that she passed up. Nothing about the intermittent silence and small talk seemed real to her. Her stomach turned itself into knots as she warily eyed her surroundings in the trailer, because everything was half-familiar and half-horrifying. She could never determine which was specifically which, either. ¡°Hope you¡¯ve learned yer lesson ¡®bout those trampoline jumpers,¡± Mrs. Moore finally shook her head. ¡°Yer lucky you didn¡¯t break yer neck.¡± ¡°Yes, Mother,¡± Tabitha nodded politely. ¡°Yes, Mother?¡± the woman asked incredulously. She glared daggers at Tabitha, as if warning her daughter not to sass her. ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha repeated dispassionately. What, did I normally say... ¡®Yes, Momma?¡¯ I may have never amounted to much, but I WAS an English major. I¡¯m not going to be able to keep up some ignorant kid charade, anyways. I have too many other things to deal with, right now. ¡°I¡¯ve learned my lesson. I wasn¡¯t being sufficiently responsible at that time, and the consequences of my actions were unexpectedly severe. In the future, I will mindfully endeavor towards more appropriate courses of action.¡± ¡°No need for attitude, Tabitha Ann Moore,¡± Mrs. Moore warned with a laugh, forking more baked beans into her mouth. Tabitha found that her mother smelled. Mrs. Moore was gross, disgustingly fat, and petty, and Tabitha was beginning to hate her, all over again. Mom, when you died, I came to terms with everything I could, and buried the rest. So that I could just focus on the GOOD memories, and leave it at that. Why am I being made to go through this again? ¡°Kids¡¯re getting smarter every day,¡± Mr. Moore joked, not looking up from his own plate. ¡°Sweetie¡¯s so smart she broke their brain-scannin¡¯ machine. Guess she was clean off the charts.¡± No one had actually suspected anything of that sort. From what Tabitha had overheard, everyone was blaming the MRI¡¯s apparent failure on an electrical fault that came about from a surge during the power outage. ¡°Shame they never get any more respectful,¡± Mrs. Moore frowned, pursing her lips. With the wisdom and grace sixty years had given her, Tabitha kept silent, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. She stared instead at the yellowing floral wallpaper, and patiently endured the sounds of her parents eating. Afterwards, she found her cramped bedroom was stuffy and strange-smelling, and she could only resign herself to accepting that some of the body odor this trailer was rank with belonged to her previous self. There was a brief but potent mixture of nostalgia at seeing all of her long-lost childhood toys, and repulsion, in really realizing her past living conditions. Taking a deep breath and steeling her nerves, she finally turned to face the mirror sitting atop her dresser. She¡¯d studiously avoided her reflection on the doors out of St. Juarez, and the windows and mirrors of her father¡¯s truck. She feared the impact this sight was going to have on her psyche, and most of all... she simply didn¡¯t want to believe. Because she already knew what she would find. She¡¯d spent most of her life detesting and struggling with this. A hefty thirteen-year-old girl scowled back at her in the mirror. Pudgy enough, at that age, to already have a protruding stomach paunch. Despite having just started puberty and growing taller, her breasts looked like fat, not like boob. They were the unappealing fleshy contours a fat man would have, moobs, not feminine assets she could push together to form cleavage. Her neck was fat, her chin¡ªfat, fat cheeks, her entire face was wreathed in it, swaddled in layers of fat. She clutched the edges of the counter and dry-heaved. She pressed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. Okay. Okay. It¡¯s not that bad. I knew I had a complex about my weight and my appearance, I just¡­ well, nothing was ever going to make me ready for this all over again. Never thought I¡¯d miss the OLD LADY physique. It wasn¡¯t until her late fifties that she would drop all of the weight, mostly because of stomach ulcers that turned into a cancer scare. Not being able to eat certain foods without a trip to the hospital had finally transformed her into a rather normal-looking, even scrawny, gray-haired old woman. Her diet drastically changed, and on the orders of the nutritionist on her insurance, she enrolled in the local Taekwondo program for basic daily exercise. And that was when I became a martial arts grandmaster¡­ ...Hah, yeah right, as if. Another prime example of her mediocrity. As the only elderly woman in that Taekwondo school, she¡¯d been exempted from actual sparring, and never laid a finger on anyone. More often than not, she spent the classes corralling the younger ones, or resigning herself to practicing warm-ups, stretches, stances, and exercises with some of the girls who hated fighting. In the end, Tabitha felt about as qualified in Taekwondo as an amateur yoga instructor. Although. I wonder, if¡­ Out of a nascent whispering of curiosity, Tabitha carefully¡ªcarefully set her feet into a forward stance. Then, she shifted into a back stance. Dropping into a horse-riding stance, rising up into a tiger stance. Crossing her legs in a forward cross stance. Twisting into a backward cross stance. So, I CAN use future knowledge in my past body. At least that means those forty seven years weren¡¯t some... absurd hallucination. Actually, these moves seem kind of¡­ easy? She let herself fall forwards in the scant space of her room, keeping her back rigid and catching herself with only her palms. It was a loud crash and an ugly struggle, but she just barely kept her nose from violently meeting the floor¡ªand even managed to do a single proper pushup, before her protesting arms seemed turned to jelly and gave out on her. Okay... doing that was dumb. But, also completely impossible, back when I was sixty. Guess it can be nice to be young. I could... actually get in shape. Not in my room, maybe. I could practice katas out in the yard? I don¡¯t¡­ HAVE to be fat, this time. I¡¯m already disgusted at the thought of eating fattening garbage like my parents always did, here. I... know how to cook, now. I can actually JOG now that I¡¯m young again, basically whenever I want to! High school starts in, what, August? September? I can be in AMAZING shape by then! Everything can be different! All at once, the idea of changing her life began to brighten her perspective, illuminating all of the opportunities she¡¯d been too distraught to see earlier. Her skillsets from the future may have seemed unimpressive then, but couldn¡¯t she still apply them to the problems from her past? She¡¯d had a lifetime to regret and dwell on all of them already, after all. I can write my story all over again. GOBLINA, and GOBLIN PRINCESS. But, with all the feedback and techniques I¡¯ve learned since about the story structure and pacing. AND, I can get it out there and published before the market¡¯s oversaturated, this time. Tabitha thought, her mind racing. Julie¡­ I can save Julie, I can fix things for her. Make everything right, so that she never even THINKS about taking her own life. I can save Mom and Dad from themselves, somehow! I can¡­ I can do ANYTHING. As night descended on the aging and worn mobile home lots of the Lower Park, the bright, beautiful laughter of a young girl resounded from one of the compact little rooms within. ¡°I¡¯m never going to be trailer trash again.¡± 2: Cleaning up and clearing out. Tabitha woke up early and full of energy, despite having skipped eating dinner last night. Her father was gone already, having left for work at five-thirty, and her mother was unlikely to rouse for at least another hour, giving Tabitha free range to re-explore the place. Last night she¡¯d slept in her underwear, having tossed yesterday¡¯s clothes in the bathroom¡¯s communal laundry hamper. She began her day by opening her dresser drawers and sorting everything she found into neat stacks. Several dozen articles of clothing were immediately discarded into a trash pile; socks with holes, shirts too discolored to wear, pants that were ripped along the inseam¡ªwho had bothered to wash and fold those?¡ªtrashy T-shirts that had their sleeves haphazardly removed, and similar pajama pants that had been cut into shorts. Diligently trying on all of her remaining clothes, Tabitha was dismayed to find that less than a third of them fit¡ªshe didn¡¯t even have a full week¡¯s worth of clothing to wear. Luckily, her bras and underwear were the newest of the lot, and all correctly-sized, likely purchased to keep up with puberty. She dressed herself in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt, carefully folded and then returned the clothing she would keep into their drawers. The Moore family weren¡¯t packrats like some of their neighbors, but they did seem to hoard things like bags. After a quick trip to the kitchen pantry, frowning at nearly everything she saw, she returned with two grocery bags to pack the clothes too small for her into. They¡¯ll tell me to hang onto them JUST IN CASE, because of all the little cousins who could grow into them, Tabitha grumbled to herself. As if any of them ever needed any more hand-me-downs. Need to convince them to take me to a thrift store so I can fix my wardrobe. Yesterday¡¯s pair of jeans, several pairs of sweatpants, and what appear to be a single value pack of cotton shorts is NOT enough attire for a teenage girl. Now I remember why I used to wear the same clothes so many days in a row. In the meantime, the scrunched up wads of grocery bags were already spilling out the pantry door, so she collected them and made her way around the trailer, emptying out three small waste-cans into the grocery bags and then fitting one inside each as a liner. Why were we collecting these bags at all, if we weren¡¯t going to use them¡­? She managed to fill another entire bag with garbage she found simply strewn about the trailer, before it dawned on Tabitha that she was cleaning house. She paused, grimacing. Keeping a living area free of trash and clutter was second-nature, something she now did without thinking. Because, it needs done. And, being surrounded with filth stresses me out. Might be a bit out of character to attempt doing ALL of the long-neglected household chores at once... But, what else can I do? She scowled, collecting dirty dishes and piling them in the sink. I can¡¯t live like this. Even after making a few trips to the bathroom hamper for the errant bits of clothing she found strewn in the corners of the living room, the place still looked¡­ well, dirty. She pulled down all the blankets covering the windows, releasing clouds of dust to hang in the air just as dawn light was beginning to stream through the windows. All of those blankets smelled and they needed washed, so she folded them and arranged them in a giant pile next to the hamper. Okay. Carpet. Now that the room was properly lit up, it looked terrible, and after a cursory search, she discovered why the floor hadn¡¯t been cleaned in ages. Their vacuum cleaner was outside, in the shed, caked in moldy dust and cobwebs¡ªand it was old. A rather bulky independent canister-style motor and collecting bag, connected to the upright cleaner by an umbilical of electrical cord and ridged flexible hose. Making three trips to carry the contraption and its attachments in and onto the kitchen tile, she then grabbed a bucket of water and one of the ripped socks she¡¯d just thrown out and sat down to wipe the cleaner clean. The amount of time and effort she had to put into simple tasks like tidying up a room was beginning to seem absurd to her, but Tabitha grit her teeth and fantasized about soon having a carpet clean enough to sprawl out upon. The entire vacuum cleaner was a filthy mess, and the bag had never been changed whenever the thing was stored, so the contents inside had begun to rot. After a thorough scrubbing that turned the water in her bucket an unsettling shade of brown, she reassembled the thing and was ready to begin cleaning. Unfortunately, it was as loud as a leaf-blower, and Tabitha had only pushed and pulled the thing over three square feet of carpet when her mother stormed out of their bedroom, furious.
¡°Don¡¯t know what you thought y¡¯were tryin¡¯ to butter us up for, doin¡¯ all of this, but whatever it is¡ªyou ain¡¯t gettin¡¯ it,¡± Mrs. Shannon Moore frowned, blinking at the dishes all over the countertop. The drying rack had long since been filled, and the rest were being set to dry on a towel Tabitha had spread out. ¡°How am I s¡¯posed to eat breakfast?¡± ¡°With clean dishes,¡± Tabitha answered with a deadpan expression, and she drained the sink water. She¡¯d been doing dishes for forty-five minutes. As absurd a concept as it was, all of the dishes had been dirty. It was apparently custom for dishes to only be cleaned directly before use, oftentimes only rinsed, and then set down wherever afterwards, dirty and forgotten until they were needed again. There wasn¡¯t even a place for the bowls, plates, and cups in the kitchen cabinet, a fact that managed to stun Tabitha. The cabinets were jam-packed with everything else under the sun, it seemed¡ªflashlights without batteries, forgotten tools, empty tins, metal brackets, cheap Christmas decorations, and a dozen old plastic margarine containers, each filled with a mysterious assortment of rusting nails and screws. ¡°I¡¯m going for a walk,¡± Tabitha sighed, wiping her hands dry on her shirt. Last night¡¯s charged enthusiasm for tackling all of her problems in this new life head-on... was rapidly draining away as she realized that she¡¯d be forced to fight for every inch to complete even what should have been basic tasks. ¡°A walk?¡± her mother inspected one of the bowls. ¡°Outside? And, where do you think you¡¯re going?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just going in circles,¡± Tabitha said, wishing there was a way to explain the truth of her circumstances. ¡°...Around the neighborhood. I just need to walk for a while, get some fresh air. After what happened yesterday, I really can¡¯t handle being cooped up, right now.¡± She failed to put emotion into her voice like she¡¯d intended, but her excuse seemed to hold up, and she was given permission to go outside. Which honestly surprised Tabitha, because it was still technically a school day¡ªher mother would have had a fair argument to keep her from wandering about. If she even knows what day it is. But, regardless, my plan¡¯s holding out so far. Tabitha thought as put her worn little sneakers on and stepped out into the neighborhood. If I seem unusual, it¡¯s because I was traumatized by what happened at the hospital. I have to keep all the windows uncovered all the time, too, because I¡¯m selectively claustrophobic, now. I need sunlight, fresh air, and clean, open environments that don¡¯t have clutter. Or, I¡¯ll flip out. Exhaling slowly, Tabitha started walking along the rows of trailers at a brisk pace. She couldn¡¯t wait until her body was ready for running.
She returned from the hour-long jaunt outdoors equally exhilarated and disappointed with her young body. The extra weight sitting on her was something she hadn¡¯t become accustomed to yet, a constant and obnoxious reminder of her unappealing image. On the other hand, joint pain didn¡¯t seem to exist at all for her at thirteen, and though individual muscles began to ache, she didn¡¯t actually feel tired. Youthful energy coursed and thrummed through her, ready for everything coming her way. Which was, of course, a miserable onslaught of problems throughout the trailer that required her immediate attention. Their refrigerator, one of the few constants in Tabitha¡¯s life, was still the exact same one she would own for years in the future, all the way until she¡¯d moved into her second apartment. When she saw her parents had crammed the freezer tight, she even felt indignant at what they were doing to her appliance. The fan circulating air throughout the compartment was completely blocked, so TV dinner boxes were frozen to the back of the freezer, while some of the bagged veggies in the front were practically thawed out. They¡¯d turned the freezer knob to ten for some reason as well, so after adjusting the contents properly within she set it back to where it should be, at seven. Nothing within the fridge seemed remotely appetizing. An artery-clogging array of leftovers from various meals filled unlabeled tupperware, one of the shelves seemed dedicated exclusively to various styrofoam take-out boxes, and the rest of the interior was a smorgasbord of mystery jars, condiment bottles, and cans of beer. Going to need to beg, lie, and cheat my way into convincing them to get us to a farmer¡¯s market for some actual decent produce, some fresh fruits and vegetables, Tabitha made a face. Haven¡¯t had a meal since 2045, and I¡¯m famished. Withdrawing a half-empty carton of eggs dangerously nearing their expiration, she put a pot of water on the stove so that she could hard-boil all of them. These would need to be set aside and rationed out over her first week, for whenever she couldn¡¯t stave off her hunger anymore and absolutely needed to eat something. Need to dig out the hamper and see if I have any more useable clothes in there. Maybe sneak away a cup of detergent, and wash my clothes in the tub. There were just too many things to do at once, and Tabitha was feeling overwhelmed. Out of habit, her hand kept creeping back to her left wrist where she¡¯d worn her bracelet-PC for years¡ªshe would kill for web access. It was dismaying to realize she was trapped all the way back in the dial-up era of internet. Sighing, she pulled her legs up in stretches while waiting for her water to boil. I¡¯ll need a word processor over the summer if I want to get a head start on my novels. The library¡¯s over a half-hour walk from here, from what I remember. Decent for some extra exercise. I¡¯ll need a library card, and a¡­ what, a flash drive, to keep the work on? Did they have flash drives back in ninety-eight? A CD? Maybe a floppy diskette? She¡¯d leafed through some of the miscellaneous worksheets and papers scattered around her room, and didn¡¯t think she¡¯d have a problem breezing through middle-school finals without seriously reviewing them. High school calculus or physics would have been a different story, but she was eminently confident in passing coursework intended for children. Also need to keep using ¡®big words¡¯ around my parents, even when diminutive ones would suffice. ESPECIALLY when diminutive ones would suffice. That way, they¡¯ll imagine my new vocabulary is some emerging teenage phase¡­ and hopefully never stop to question how or why I know certain words that I likely shouldn¡¯t. ¡°What the¡ª¡± Her mother did a double-take as she stepped away from the living room TV for a moment to refill her sweet tea¡ªa murky concoction Tabitha had long since concluded was more sugar than tea and water. ¡°What, you¡¯re cooking, now? Tabby, you¡¯ve never cooked a day in your life. You¡¯re liable to burn down the whole trailer park.¡± Tabitha simply crossed her arms, looking unamused, and Mrs. Moore¡¯s expression faltered.
Having just arrived home from work, Mr. Alan Moore was first stepping inside the door when he was immediately waylaid by his wife. ¡°What in the¡ª¡± ¡°Honey,¡± Mrs. Moore said in a furtive whisper, ¡°Somethin¡¯s wrong with Tabitha. She went on this¡ªthis rampage today, and she¡¯s speaking all strange. She¡¯s not actin¡¯ her normal self at all.¡± If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. ¡°Rampage, what¡­ ?¡± He stepped past her into the trailer, marvelling in disbelief at the incredible transformation their home had gone through. ¡°Ho¡ªly hells. I come home to the right house? Tabby did all this?¡± ¡°She¡¯s gone weird, weird in the head, Honey,¡± Mrs. Moore insisted, gesturing towards the kitchen. ¡°She went and pulled out everything in all the cabinets, and moved everything around. Everything. When I told her she wasn¡¯t allowed to throw out any of those newspapers, she sat down with them and was... shuffling them around, looking all serious. I ask her what on God¡¯s green earth she thinks she¡¯s doing, and she says shes organizing them by date. ¡°She¡¯s not acting right, Alan. She¡¯s telling me she¡¯s claustrophobic now, that we have to keep all the curtains open. So that we¡¯re living in a goddamn fishbowl, and all the neighbors can gawk in and see whatever they please? I don¡¯t think so! She went out and about for hours, and wouldn¡¯t tell me where she went, says she was going in circles. She even tried to take half of all our canned goods outside, said they were expired. I tell her canned goods keep well on for years and years after their date, and she looks at me like I¡¯m speaking Swahili! It¡¯s canned food, for cryin¡¯ out loud! She¡¯s always been such a good girl, I don¡¯t know what¡¯s gotten into her!¡± Mr. Moore frowned. If a cleaning spree hadn¡¯t been strange enough, the thought of Tabitha opposing her mother was downright abnormal. His wife wasn¡¯t one to be crossed, and yet, right now she seemed... downright spooked. ¡°I¡¯ll... talk to her,¡± he assured her, still looking around the pristine trailer in dazed astonishment. It was his home, and yet he was wondering where it was okay to put his shoes, now. The well-trodden gray of the living room carpet was now a light blue that seemed positively vibrant by comparison, and with all of the windows open and the curtains tied back, this cozy space he thought he was familiar with seemed to have opened up into something else entirely. ¡°Sweetie?¡± He paused, rapping his knuckle on Tabitha¡¯s door. Yet another strange thing¡ªTabby had never been in the habit of closing her door. Hell, yesterday she¡¯d of had to shove aside a big ol¡¯ pile of stuff to even close the dang thing in the first place. ¡°Can I come in?¡± ¡°Please do,¡± her voice called out. ¡°Uh¡­ yeah,¡± he said uneasily, opening the door. Her room was even more changed than the rest of the trailer¡ªit was as if she¡¯d just moved in. Her panelboard walls, which had been littered with taped drawings and posters, were bare. The dresser was clear of everything, and she¡¯d even cleaned the mirror, removing all of those Sunday School stickers she¡¯d decorated the edges with. Her bed was made, sheets pulled taut with military precision. ¡°I¡¯d like to have a discussion with you about our living arrangements,¡± Tabitha said, cooly appraising him. ¡°But, it doesn¡¯t have to be right now. You¡¯ve just gotten off work, so you can relax and have dinner, first. After that, we can speak at your convenience.¡± ¡°That¡¯s very... considerate of you, Honey,¡± He managed. There was a strange stillness to her mannerisms that he couldn¡¯t quite put his finger on. She wasn¡¯t fidgeting, or slumping, or even breaking eye-contact with him. ¡°You cleaned the whole house,¡± he grunted. ¡°Yes, thank you for noticing.¡± ¡°Any reason in particular... why? There something you want?¡± ¡°A clean home,¡± Tabitha answered curtly. It didn¡¯t look like she had anything else to say. ¡°Okay, then,¡± Mr. Moore sighed. ¡°Were you being smart with your mother?¡± ¡°We had a rather... animated discussion, on the semantic difference between a best by date and an expiry date.¡± Tabitha explained, choosing her words carefully. ¡°Though I¡¯m unable to concede my... apparently unique and challenging views on that matter, I¡¯ve already taken the liberty to apologize to her for any offense I may have inadvertently caused.¡± ¡°Sweetie¡ªwhy are you talking like that?¡± She paused, seeming to ponder for a moment, before answering. ¡°Because I¡¯ve had the time today, to consider the things I want to express. Thank you, for allowing me to stay home from school today. It¡¯s been very useful.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± he shook his head helplessly. ¡°Fine. Get ready for dinner, then, I guess.¡± Plodding back out to the living room and removing his wallet and keys, he noticed that on the once-cluttered ledge where he normally left them¡ªnow cleared, a small tray had been placed for them. ¡°Well, what did she say?¡± Mrs. Moore asked impatiently. ¡°What does she want?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Mr. Moore replied, thoughtfully picking up the tray, a decorative metal stamped with the engraving of an amish carriage pulling towards a covered bridge. She really DID go through all the cabinets. ¡°Hell, she explained, and I still don¡¯t know what she said.¡± He placed his wallet and keys in the tray and carefully placed it back on the ledge. ¡°That¡¯s what I¡¯m been talking about!¡± Mrs. Moore exclaimed, looking uncomfortable. ¡°You can¡¯t understand a word comin¡¯ out of her mouth, anymore! What did they say at the hospital? Did getting knocked upside her head make her¡ªI don¡¯t know, autistic, or something?¡± ¡°I dunno,¡± he said, frowning. They¡¯d given him a packet of papers to take home with them, and he¡¯d set them down on the armrest of his chair yesterday. He didn¡¯t know where on Earth they were, now. ¡°But, she did clean.¡± His wife shot him a dirty look, glancing around her as though she only found it unsettling and unnatural. ¡°What?¡± Mr. Moore shrugged. ¡°You were the one home with her all day. She said she wanted to talk to me about something after dinner.¡±
¡°Thought you hated green beans,¡± Her father grunted, forks clinking against plates as they all ate together. ¡°I do,¡± Tabitha lied, looking down at her plate. They actually weren¡¯t bad, for frozen food. She¡¯d drained, rinsed, and then steamed them just like she had when she was back in college. The flavor was weak, but they were the healthiest option she had to work with at the moment. Her parents were eating yesterday¡¯s baked beans with today¡¯s jumbo hot dogs, the kind that ran eighty-nine cents for a large pack. The mere memory of that meat¡ªbland, tasting like bologna, processed to the point of having no texture, and swollen with preservatives, was enough to make her stomach turn. No one had commented yet on why the parents and daughter were eating separate meals, so hopefully they were already prepared to let some of her new eccentricities slide. ¡°And, you¡¯re eating them because¡­?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, already sounding annoyed. ¡°I want to be healthy.¡± ¡°You¡¯re plenty healthy, Honey,¡± Mr. Moore said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. ¡°You¡¯re fine just the way you are. Did one of those Taylor girls say something to you?¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Tabitha looked up at him in surprise. ¡°You didn¡¯t know? Everyone calls me tubby Tabby. They always have. I¡¯ve been made fun of for being fat and smelling bad my whole life.¡± ¡°What?!¡± her mother threw her fork down into her plate with a loud clink. ¡°Who said that?¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter,¡± Tabitha said, taking another bite of her green beans. ¡°It¡¯s common knowledge, and they¡¯re right, anyways. No one¡¯s quite as honest and cruel as other children.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not fat,¡± her father insisted. ¡°Who called you fat?¡± Mrs. Moore demanded. ¡°I want their names, right now.¡± ¡°I am fat,¡± Tabitha said, an edge appearing in her voice. ¡°And that¡¯s not something that scolding children or forcing apologies is going to change.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not fat, Tabitha, don¡¯t you dare call yourself that,¡± Mrs. Moore insisted, sending a pointed look towards her husband. ¡°Well? Tell her, Alan.¡± ¡°How much more weight would you have let me put on?¡± Tabitha interrupted with a glare she turned towards each of them in turn. Something dark was growing in her eyes, and Mr. Moore found his response was caught in his throat. ¡°How far would I have gone before you addressed the issue? Are you fine with me being unhealthy? Are you fine with tubby Tabby?¡± ¡°Tabitha Anne Moore. Who taught you to talk like that?!¡± The table was gripped with a long, tense silence. ¡°...I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tabitha finally said, pushing aside her unfinished plate and leaving the dinner table. ¡°I¡¯ve lost my composure¡ªplease, excuse me.¡± ¡°Alan,¡± Mrs. Moore hissed in a low voice as Tabitha retreated to her room. ¡°Did you know about any of this?!¡±
¡°Tabitha?¡± Mr. Moore knocked on the door again. ¡°You okay in there? You didn¡¯t finish your greens¡­ and your mother said you didn¡¯t have anything else to eat, today.¡± ¡°Hunger is just the sensation of my fat reserves beginning to deplete,¡± her strange words called out through the door. ¡°I have sufficient energy to finish my exercises tonight.¡± ¡°Sweetie¡­¡± He shook his head in exasperation. Exercises, now, too? Looks like she¡¯s finally getting into that difficult teenager age. ¡°Can I come in?¡± ¡°Please do.¡± Please do? What happened to ¡®yeah,¡¯ or ¡®okay?¡¯ He slowly opened the door, to discover she was in the midst of stretches, legs spread out in a V on the floor and attempting to reach as far forward towards them with her hands held flat. ¡°Honey, we don¡¯t think you¡¯re fat,¡± he said. ¡°Do you know exactly how much I weigh, or how tall I am?¡± she retorted. ¡°Because the BMI I calculated indicates that I¡¯m very overweight, well on my way towards obese, by medical standards.¡± ¡°That¡¯s, not¡ª¡± ¡°I know you¡¯re trying to comfort me, and I appreciate that,¡± she cut him off, ¡°but, what I need now is encouragement, not comfort. I¡¯m sorry for my outburst earlier, at dinner. I understand that all of this must seem very... emotional, and perhaps overly theatric to you, but I assure you, I am very, very serious about this.¡± ¡°Okay, okay,¡± he held up his hands. ¡°Just¡­ well, you know how it seems.¡± Wait, does she? She actually does seem very¡­ aware. Not to say she was stupid before, or anything, but this¡­ ¡°I¡¯m thirteen years old, so I can¡¯t be considered a child, anymore,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m a young woman, now. That¡¯s what I wanted to discuss with you.¡± ¡°Well, go on.¡± ¡°I want you to teach me how to balance a budget,¡± she began, sitting up and relaxing her legs. ¡°How to plan and prepare meals, and how to manage my time and money.¡± ¡°Uhh, well¡ªthat¡¯s¡­¡± ¡°I recognize that we don¡¯t have much financial leeway, but I¡¯d like for all of us to agree on a fair monthly allowance for me. In exchange, I¡¯ll pull my weight by cooking for us every night, and regularly keeping the house clean. ¡°As you¡¯re both parent and provider, if you don¡¯t feel that is acceptable, I¡¯m prepared to negotiate on your terms. I think that learning responsibility is an important aspect of my personal development, and that hard work should be rewarded with equal compensation. Do you agree?¡± ¡°Well, I¡­ you want allowance money, huh?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Money¡¯s tight, Sweetie.¡± ¡°I understand that.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll talk about it with your mother.¡± ¡°Thank you. When do you think I can expect your decision?¡± ¡°We¡¯ll see, Sweetie,¡± he shrugged, raising his hands. ¡°You¡¯ve been acting¡­ different, and your mother¡¯s in a mood.¡± ¡°...I understand. Thank you, again. I¡¯m going to finish up, now, and then get some rest. Goodnight, Daddy.¡± ¡°Sweetie?¡± He paused for a moment as he turned to leave, slowly reevaluating his daughter. ¡°Don¡¯t you try and grow up too fast, now, alright?¡± He didn¡¯t know what else to say to her. ¡°...Of course, Daddy,¡± Tabitha promised, but she was wearing a bitter smile that had no place on his thirteen-year old girl. ¡°I won¡¯t.¡± 3: Tests of her endurance. Soaked with sweat and panting from exertion, Tabitha stepped forward in the patchy plot of grass between trailers and punched out as hard as she could. Parts of her jiggled in a fleshy, unflattering way, but she could only grit her teeth and bare with that. For now. Planting her left foot heavily amid the weeds, she adjusted her stance and lifted her right knee up in the air. She pivoted her leg and round-kicked¡ªclumsily, before dropping down, shifting her weight into another careful stance and raising her arms up into a crisp block. It was hot out today. The sun overhead was relentlessly beating down across the tiny yard beside her mobile home where the young girl was toiling away through a series of memorized movements and positions. To her dismay, Tabitha had been forced to recover several of those redneck-style sleeveless tops from the trash simply to have work-out clothes to wear. Working through the familiar Taekwondo forms and katas... was hell. Normally, each series of stances and movements flowed with natural momentum from one into the next with grace and ease... but her thirteen-year-old body was useless. She felt awkward and rotund, all of the extra weight she was carrying constantly throwing her off balance and forcing her to consciously compensate for it, all the time. It was like trying to type a document while wearing heavy winter gloves, only that aggravation was joined with an ever-present aching burn throughout all of her muscle groups as they shrieked at her in protest. Well, if nothing else, at least I know how to do proper stretches, Tabitha thought to herself bitterly, throwing a knife-hand strike and then lunging into a forward stance to awkwardly jab an elbow out into the air. Despite several years of regular Taekwondo, she¡¯d only advanced as far as a yellow-belt. Stretches, warm-ups, a few drill forms, and the first thirteen katas made up the entirety of her knowledge. Most of the practical application, like sparring and actual martial arts would have come later, after a certain foundation of basics had been built up. But, it¡¯s not as if I have to fend anyone off. If a burglar breaks into the trailer looking for money and valuables, I¡¯ll help them look. Hopefully we¡¯ll turn up something. Tabitha snorted. If someone tries to abduct me, I¡¯ll sigh with relief. She snapped out a side-kick, and then held her extended leg in the air until it began to tremble. My grasp of the fundamentals could be considered excellent... but basics will only get me so far. The Taekwondo school she¡¯d attended in the future existed here in the past, as well¡ªbut enrolling wasn¡¯t cheap, no matter which time she was in. From what she recalled, in these years, the Taekwondo place in town was run by Mr. Lee Senior, while many years from now he would pass it on to her instructor, Mr. Lee Junior. She did still intend to at least visit the place sometime in the next few years, if only to show off her mastery of the katas. Gwwwwrrrwww. Wincing at hearing her stomach growl, Tabitha lowered her arms and allowed her shoulders to slump down. She was hungry. It was Sunday, her third full day in the past, and all of the frozen vegetables were long gone. She¡¯d had the last hard-boiled egg for breakfast, and although she was intent on starving her body of carbohydrates, options were running out fast. There was a single can of chopped spinach still, and then she might be able to cannibalize each of the frozen TV dinners for their small portions of assorted vegetables¡­ but that was it. Her family didn¡¯t grocery shop until they were just about out of everything, and that was still days away, from the look of the fridge. Tabitha frankly wasn¡¯t used to being without any form of agency. She had no money or resources of her own, little say in how her life was led, and required her parent¡¯s permission for virtually everything. Being a minor again was more stifling than she could have imagined. Her parents had sat down with her yesterday to discuss the matter of arranging her an allowance... and rejected the idea outright. They simply didn¡¯t have the money to spare. She¡¯d nodded, thanked them for the consideration, and retreated to her room without any further argument. There were plenty of areas where their spending could be reduced, but Tabitha was smart enough not to bring that up in this first confrontation. Still, this lack of capital is going to grind all my other efforts to a halt, Tabitha exhaled slowly, readying herself into another combat stance again so that she could resume her practice. A healthy diet may be fairly cheap, but it isn¡¯t free. I need clothes for school. A pack of floppy disks to store my work on, when I start heading to the library. Maybe laundry detergent, too. The cheap stuff they use isn¡¯t great in the first place, and on top of that they¡¯re diluting it to make it last longer. I¡¯m going to start high school, I need some basic things. Better deodorant. Conditioner. Foundation, and concealer. The make-up kit she¡¯d found in her room was intended for children, gaudy cheap eyeliner and several horrific shades of lipstick. Unfortunately, she didn¡¯t own anything of value to sell for cash. Apart from her room¡¯s worn furniture, the only thing worth more than ten dollars was her dilapidated old stereo, and she doubted she¡¯d be able to sell the thing. It wasn¡¯t like she could just find a job, either. She couldn¡¯t remember anyone who had kids she could babysit¡ªlooking after her cousins was a familial obligation and wouldn¡¯t be paid. She wasn¡¯t allowed to handle her father¡¯s small weed-eater to mow lawns for money. No one in this area seemed to maintain their landscaping, so prospects like watering plants or weeding for neighbors seemed... unlikely. Everyone seemed to have either tiny inside dogs they¡¯d only let out into tiny fenced enclosures, or large, filthy dogs chained outside in the yards of their trailers, so even walking pets wasn¡¯t a viable option. Everyone living here¡¯s as broke as we are, anyways. What she did have was all the basic ingredients to bake cookies, which was¡­ a start, she supposed. There were no chocolate chips or even raisins, but she estimated she could make several hundred plain sugar cookies with the materials on hand. If she could find a venue to run a bake sale. I could beg for money along a busy street downtown, if only I wasn¡¯t fat, Tabitha rolled her eyes. Nothing quite screams IMPOVERISHED CHILD like an obese kid, right? Front kick. Step forward and punch. Jump kick, barely getting off the ground and landing rather unsteadily. She kept bracing herself for sudden joint pain, but at thirteen, her body just didn¡¯t have any. Her overall stamina and recovery seemed to be several orders of magnitude greater now than they had been when she was sixty, the only limiting factor to her youthful energy seemed to be her skipping so many meals. In fact, Tabitha¡¯s body was struggling on pretty well, considering the thorough punishment she was putting it through. I need a REAL plan, something more than just... scraping by slightly better than I did last time, Tabitha decided after long deliberation. Breathing heavily again, she pushed herself to thrust out her strikes faster, to snap her kicks up higher. There¡¯s at least two years before Julia¡¯s even born. I definitely need to save her from everything that¡¯s about to happen to her. Maybe get custody of her, if I¡¯m able. I¡¯ll turn twenty-one in¡­ what, eight years? So, she¡¯ll be six already by then. Clenching her teeth, Tabitha attempted the jump and twist of a butterfly kick, but achieved neither the height nor spin necessary to complete it yet. Need to get Goblina, at least, on the market as quickly as possible, she decided. My writing may not have ever been much, and maybe Julie was my only real fan. But, if my story helped her through rough times like she said it did, it needs to better than ever. It needs to be PERFECT for her. Then, there¡¯s the shooting this October. Few other future events stood out to Tabitha. Later this year, a police officer would be fatally shot, down on the other end of the trailer park. That had been what really gave the Lower Park its horrible reputation, more than anything else. She¡¯d always seen it in the way people in the area looked at her when they learned where she was from. The subtle, slightly different way they treated her, as if she was raised in a den of criminals. Ironically, the shooter wasn¡¯t even a resident¡ªthe officer had simply pulled that driver over to ticket them for something, and happened to do so from the road that went alongside that lower end of the park. I know that he was shot, and that the officer bled out on the way to the hospital, she pressed her lips into a thin line. But, I don¡¯t remember his name, or the exact day, and I¡¯ve no idea how I¡¯d prevent it. Call 911 right before-hand? Shout out a warning, just before it happens? That¡¯d be tough to explain afterwards. ¡®Hey, be careful! That crack-head has a gun, and I don¡¯t want the office lady at the Safety plant giving me constant dirty looks when I work there in the future!¡¯ Tabitha sighed. She really hoped circumstances would never force her back to work at the Safety plant. In the meantime, she needed to secure a source of food. Grandma Laurie¡ªher grandmother on her father¡¯s side of the family, had an apartment across town. Perhaps she could be convinced to lend some aid, she should be only a half-hours bike ride away. Unfortunately, they¡¯d never had much of a close relationship, as her cousins¡ªUncle Danny¡¯s kids¡ªseemed to have claimed that grandmotherly resource for their own exclusive use. They were even territorial about it, from what she remembered. Little hellions. But, well¡­ I am starving. Mike¡¯s around, and I can borrow his bike. ¡°Hey, Mike!¡± She called down the street, finding a barefoot eleven-year old clutching a basketball and staring off into space. ¡°What?¡± he yelled back, indignant. Mike had always been a character, and she found herself wondering whatever happened to him in the future. ¡°I¡¯ll trade you all of my toys if you¡¯ll let me borrow your bike today.¡± Aside from a few hand-picked sentimental keepsakes, she¡¯d already collected all of the rest of her toys into a square plastic basket she¡¯d found. ¡°Nah,¡± he said after a moment¡¯s consideration. ¡°I don¡¯t want stupid girl toys.¡± ¡°I mean it, Mike,¡± she pleaded, stepping closer and sending him a serious look. ¡°Just this once. You can give them all to your sister.¡± ¡°I hate my sister, and you smell. Why¡¯re you all sweaty?¡± ¡°Mike. Please.¡± ¡°Fine!¡± he cried in mock exasperation, rolling his basketball with a crash into a pile of junk in front of his trailer. ¡°But, only my old bike.¡±
¡°Grandma! Tabby¡¯s here! Tabby¡¯s here!¡± ¡°Tabby¡¯s here!¡± As Tabitha feared, four of her cousins were running amuck throughout her grandmother¡¯s apartment. She knew them to be Sam, Aiden, Nick, and Joshua, and remembered that they were all only a year apart. They sported identical buzz-cuts, and she had no idea who was who right now. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. One of them was carrying a driveway marker, while the others each wielded sticks like a small mob. She hoped they were only hitting each other with them, and not chasing cats or looking for squirrels to hunt. Grandma Laurie was watching them from the chair on her porch, at least... so in theory, they were all behaving. She looked even more spritely than Tabitha remembered, probably only somewhere in her mid-fifties now. Younger than me. What a trip. ¡°Good afternoon, Tabitha,¡± Grandma Laurie said, rising out of her seat. She had a very slight, almost frail stature, not unlike what Tabitha had in the future, with shortly cropped brown hair and crows feet wrinkling the corners of her eyes. ¡°This is a surprise. When did you learn to ride a bicycle?¡± Oh. Whoops. ¡°You can¡¯t even ride a bicycle?¡± the youngest of her cousins asked, disdain in his voice. ¡°Uh, duh, she¡¯s riding one right now, retard,¡± another cut in. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re retarded,¡± another agreed, swatting the youngest one with his stick. ¡°Duh.¡± ¡°Ow! You can¡¯t hit me here, I¡¯m out of bounds!¡± ¡°Hi, Grandma Laurie,¡± Tabitha greeted, stepping off the borrowed bicycle. Realizing it didn¡¯t have a kick-stand at all, she gingerly laid it down beside the sidewalk and skirted around the stick-fight her cousins were suddenly engaging in. To her dismay, the young boys all too quickly lost interest and started following alongside her, instead. ¡°Tabby smells.¡± ¡°Hey, I heard you hit your head so hard you had to go to the hospital,¡± one of the cousins taunted. ¡°Did you get brain damage?¡± ¡°Yeah, are you retarded now?¡± Another asked. ¡°She was already retarded.¡± ¡°But is she brain damaged?¡± ¡°She was already brain damaged. That¡¯s how you get retarded, duh.¡± ¡°On the contrary,¡± Tabitha replied with a serious face, sending the small group of boys into a rare silence, ¡°acute trauma seems to have unlocked the higher portions of my brain, making me extremely intelligent.¡± ¡°A cute drama?¡± One of the boys turned to look up at their grandmother. ¡°What¡¯s a cute drama?¡± ¡°You¡¯re a cute drama, Aiden,¡± Grandma Laurie stepped off the porch and bent down to pinch at his cheeks. ¡°She means that she¡¯s real smart now, from hitting her head. Like a superhero.¡± ¡°Oh yeah?¡± a cousin challenged, yanking at Tabitha¡¯s arm. ¡°What¡¯s a thousand times a million, then?¡± ¡°One thousand multiplied by one million,¡± she shrugged him off, ¡°is exactly one billion.¡± ¡°What¡¯s¡­ uh, what¡¯s the capital of Albuquerque?¡± ¡°Albuquerque is a very large city in the state of New Mexico. Santa Fe is the capital city of New Mexico.¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­ how much does a T-rex weigh?¡± ¡°I would expect more than several tons, though the exact weight of any individual Tyrannosaurus Rex would vary greatly based on its age, size, and diet.¡± ¡°Uhhhhh,¡± the little boy stared up at canopy of branches spread out above the yard, tapping his lip as he struggled to stump her. ¡°You go on now and leave her be,¡± Grandma Laurie shooed the brats away. ¡°Well, Tabitha, what brings you here, today? How¡¯s your head?¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine. Barely even notice it. I¡­ came to ask for your help,¡± Tabitha said, flashing her a guilty look. ¡°I¡¯ll do anything I can for you in exchange.¡± ¡°What do you need, Honey?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡­ fat,¡± Tabitha said bluntly. ¡°I want to change, before I go to high school. I need to change, both my lifestyle, and my eating habits. I need to eat healthy. I need to be healthy.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s good, Honey, good for you,¡± Grandma Laurie praised, placing her hand on Tabitha¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Pfft, she said she¡¯s fat,¡± one of her cousins erupted into laughter. ¡°That¡¯s priceless!¡± ¡°Go on, get out of here,¡± Grandma Laurie waved him off the porch. ¡°Let us ladies talk.¡± ¡°But¡­¡± Tabitha paused, ¡°I¡¯ve eaten all the vegetables and eggs at the house, all that¡¯s left is¡­ food that¡¯s bad for you. They¡¯re not going to go shopping until all of that runs out.¡± ¡°Ah,¡± the older woman said, frowning. ¡°Well, I¡¯d love to help you, Honey, but there¡¯s not much here, unless you eat cucumbers.¡± ¡°I can eat cucumbers,¡± Tabitha said, perking up. ¡°I¡¯m not picky at all, so long as it¡¯s healthy. Please.¡± ¡°Of course, let¡¯s see what we have!¡± Grandma Laurie said, leading her around the house towards the garden in the back. ¡°I haven¡¯t checked on them in a few days, but I know there¡¯s a lot of cucumbers this year.¡± In no time at all, her wild cousins were tasked with enthusiastically pillaging all of the cucumbers and tomatoes in the kind old woman¡¯s normally off-limits garden. The tomatoes were still shades of yellow and orange, but Tabitha knew from experience that they¡¯d continue to ripen if she kept them in a dry, somewhat enclosed space. She was also given a half-bag of lettuce from the fridge, and several cans of sweet peas her grandmother was more than happy to part with. I should look into starting a garden at the trailer for next year. ¡°Have you talked with your parents about being healthy?¡± Grandma Laurie asked, reinserting one of the driveway markers she¡¯d sectioned off her garden with. ¡°...No, not really,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Mom got angry when I called myself fat. Like, she doesn¡¯t want to accept¡­ certain things. I don¡¯t think I can change their comfort food diet right away, but I am very, very desperate for change myself. I was the fat girl in middle school, Grandma. I don¡¯t think I can make it as the fat girl in high school.¡± Not again, at least. There¡¯s no way I could endure. ¡°I¡¯ll talk to your father, the next time I see him. Let¡¯s get you a paper bag for all of these.¡± ¡°Geez, no wonder she¡¯s so fat¡ªshe¡¯s takin¡¯ all our food!¡± a cousin remarked. ¡°Oh?¡± Grandma Laurie raised an eyebrow. ¡°Are you going to eat cucumbers, then?¡± ¡°Ew, no way,¡± the boy backed away, holding his hands up defensively. ¡°I thought they were pickles.¡± ¡°You thought those were pickles?¡± another cousin guffawed at him. ¡°They¡¯re two completely different plants, you retard.¡± ¡°...Thank you so much, Grandma,¡± Tabitha said, trying to keep her face from twitching. ¡°It¡¯s been¡­ it¡¯s been so hard. But, I¡¯m going to keep at it, and I¡¯m not going to stop until I¡¯m thin. I¡¯m going to make you proud of me.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t push yourself too hard, dear,¡± she said, pulling Tabitha into a hug. ¡°Stop by and visit whenever you can.¡± It was touching that Grandma Laurie loved her just fine the way she was... but also disconcerting when she realized how indulgent she was with Uncle Danny¡¯s kids, and how low her standard was for their quality of character. Well¡­ they ARE family... Tabitha resolved to visit her every weekend over the summer anyways, because Grandma Laurie had always been good to her, and deserved the best company. At Grandma Laurie¡¯s insistence, Tabitha was sent off with a startling amount of food to struggle home with, all heaped in a double-bagged paper grocery bag. She hadn¡¯t even remembered when shopping centers even still used paper bags, and found herself idly wondering when they¡¯d gone obsolete. With a little bit of a struggle, she hugged the food against her body with one hand and pedaled home on sore legs.
After discreetly tucking her treasured vegetables in the fridge, hidden behind the take-out containers, Tabitha readied half a can of sweet peas for her dinner. She would still be hungry afterwards, sure, but she wouldn¡¯t die. True to the promise she¡¯d made them, she set her parents places at the table and pulled out leftovers for them; hamloaf, baked beans, and scalloped potatoes. She wanted rid of the last of these leftovers, because she wasn¡¯t sure how much longer they would be edible. Also, she was actively working to empty the fridge in preparation for a new and healthy spread of groceries. She had just finished preparing for dinner and was tiptoeing to take a quick shower... when her mother rose from her position at the television and gave her a look. ¡°Let me guess. You¡¯re gonna take another shower? Tabitha Anne Moore, you just showered yesterday,¡± Mrs. Moore griped. ¡°I hope you don¡¯t think you¡¯re taking one every day after school. Do you have any idea what our water bill is?¡± ¡°A little over forty-seven dollars, not counting the sewage charges,¡± Tabitha answered, keeping her composure as she continued down the trailer hallway and stepped into the small bathroom. ¡°I organized all of our utilities. They¡¯re in the letter-holder, on the counter.¡± ¡°Yeah, well are you gonna pay that, Missy?¡± ¡°I would love to meaningfully contribute,¡± Tabitha nodded, closing the bathroom door between them. ¡°Please reconsider giving me that opportunity to do so.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve had it up to here with all of this attitude, young lady,¡± her mother¡¯s voice barked. ¡°I don¡¯t know what¡¯s gotten into you! Alan, did you hear the lip she just gave me?¡± Releasing a deep breath, Tabitha turned away from the door and took a moment to regard herself in the dingy light of the bathroom mirror. Yep. Still a fattie. She knew looking for any sign of weight loss after just these few days was unreasonable, but despite knowing that her hazel eyes seemed to search all the same. I just look¡­ tired. Reddish-brown hair hung just past her shoulders, looking limp, stringy, frayed and without volume. She¡¯d started carefully brushing her hair out the past several days, but damage from neglect had run its course, and she¡¯d need to get her loose ends trimmed. Using shampoo that wasn¡¯t dollar-store brand, and acquiring appropriate conditioner would probably be a great help, as well. Her forehead, nose and neck were beginning to turn red from spending each day out in the sun, despite the expired sunblock she¡¯d applied. Otherwise, her face just looked so fat, her full, pudgy cheeks, deep frown and¡ª Tabitha purposefully turned away from the mirror to undress. Once she started criticizing her current appearance, there really was no end to it. Dwelling on the issue wasn¡¯t productive, and there were too many other things to do. From what she gleaned from one of the packets that had been strewn about in her room, her middle school finals were approaching in the coming school week. They consisted of a basic examination for the overall middle-school coursework for her various classes, as well as two high school placement tests, one for literature, and another for mathematics. As a college graduate, Tabitha didn¡¯t imagine she¡¯d fare poorly on any of them... but college was also a long, long time ago. She remembered the classes leading up to exams being non-stop review sessions to prepare them all, but it wouldn¡¯t hurt to read through all of the worksheets and papers in her room. The difference in score of even a few percent on her tests would affect whether she was placed in normal classes or honors classes in September. Her first time through, she hadn¡¯t been transferred to honors courses until after her sophomore year. From her recollection, she much preferred the more focused, quiet group of honors students as peers. Still¡­ school tomorrow. School, all over again, Tabitha shook her head as she started the water running. What a joke. I¡¯ll do it again if I have to, if only for Julie. Even if it¡¯s just as bad as last time, because I¡¯m still just trailer trash right now. But, I can change¡ªI¡¯m GOING to change! I¡¯m going to always get top marks, and I¡¯m going to have both Goblina and Goblin Princess sent to a publisher before I¡¯m out of high school. Using a pen name, if I have to. Somehow or other, I¡¯m going to make all of this right, Julie... 4: Finishing middle school. Laurel Middle School was a sprawling relic primarily made up of old-fashioned portables; small rooms hauled into place and assembled into what should have been temporary classrooms. All of the older, outdated structures, aside from the cafeteria, auditorium, and administrative buildings had been razed to make way for new middle school facilities, which were tied up in state funding and never seemed to appear. All Tabitha had on hand for today¡¯s adventure, besides her backpack and some scavenged school supplies, was a handwritten note. She¡¯d managed to prepare the names of her teachers and the class period for each, information gleaned from headings scribbled at the top of various old assignments she¡¯d collected her room. Although the middle school seemed vaguely familiar, she only remembered the actual location of her last two classes with any certainty, so her first stop was the administrative office. ¡°Hello. My name¡¯s Tabitha Moore,¡± she said, sliding her note forward across the counter there. ¡°I suffered a severe head injury last Thursday. I was told to have someone write down the locations of each of my classes.¡± ¡°You... don¡¯t remember where your classes are?¡± the administrative assistant behind the desk frowned, looking over the list with a doubtful expression. The lady was a spry woman in her mid-forties, quite a bit younger than Tabitha used to be, and Tabitha found herself wondering how similar working at a school was to working as a clerk in town hall. ¡°Should you be here attending class at all then, if you hit your head that badly?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know?¡± Tabitha shrugged, giving the woman a helpless expression. ¡°Maybe not, but¡ªmy Dad said, with it being this late in the school year, I might as well try to finish the year anyways?¡± Just like that, her hastily-planned excuse was rewarded with a simple printed map that had her classes circled in highlighter, and she started her school day without a hiccup. Okay. Here we go. Although Tabitha would be bullied severely later on in high school, here in eighth grade she felt almost like a non-entity¡ªshe lacked any sort of presence at all. Not a single one of her fellow middle-schoolers tried to engage her in conversation on the way to her portable, even after waiting outside the boxy structure with several other classmates. When their language arts teacher, Mrs. Hodge, arrived to unlock the door, Tabitha cautiously followed them all inside, pretending she didn¡¯t feel terribly out of place. She loitered awkwardly around the back of the room as the other students showed up and gravitated one by one towards their desks, eventually exposing a lone empty seat. Tabitha carefully sat down, trying not to seem as self-conscious as she felt. The bell rang, a series of tones over the loudspeakers, and class began. That¡­ worked? ¡°Tabitha¡ªyou missed a practice test on Friday,¡± Mrs. Hodge smiled, and strode forward wetting her fingertip with her tongue so she could separate the stack of papers she was preparing to pass out. ¡°Here¡¯s the packet for this week. I understand you had to visit the hospital?¡± You almost gave me a heart attack, Tabitha thought wryly, and she looked up from her own tightly clenched hands to take another look at the young woman who was her teacher¡ªseemingly in her thirties, surely no older than thirty-five. But, I must seem like a child to her... I guess I¡¯ll see how far I can push the SLOW act. Tabitha had decided to keep answers to her teachers¡¯ questions short and perfunctory, so that she wouldn¡¯t give away that she was now a drastically different Tabitha. Since she wasn¡¯t sure she could portray a convincing normal Tabitha, she was going to be attending instead as severe head injury Tabitha. So, she gave Mrs. Hodge a muddled look and forced herself to slowly count to three in her head before finally responding. ¡°...I hit my head,¡± Tabitha answered after that long pause. ¡°I hit my head really bad. Had to get an MRI.¡± ¡°Er... are you okay?¡± Mrs. Hodge asked, appearing surprised. ¡°...I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha said, looking back down at her desktop and then back up to Mrs. Hodge. ¡°They said it wasn¡¯t good.¡± ¡°Are you... feeling alright for class now?¡± Mrs. Hodge asked, her smile faltering. The young woman looked like she regretted bringing the topic up, and Tabitha felt a pang of guilt. ¡°Do you think you¡¯re okay to work on review material, today?¡± ¡°...Yeah. Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded weakly, furrowing her brow. ¡°I just feel kind of... dizzy¡­ I guess?¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Hodge stared, apparently hesitant to hand Tabitha one of the review packets. Finally, she let out a slight sigh and offered one. ¡°If you have any trouble with the packet, then you can come see me, alright? This isn¡¯t due until the end of the week.¡± ¡°...Okay,¡± Tabitha tried to look confused as she accepted the small stack of stapled-together worksheets from her teacher. Mrs. Hodge lingered over her for a moment before moving on down the row to pass out the rest of the packets. That was some of my best acting yet, Tabitha decided, slightly pleased with herself. Didn¡¯t get nervous after all... except at the beginning. I think it helps really realizing how young Mrs. Hodge seems to me now. The thoroughly concussed charade would hopefully establish a believable change in her behavior, with any luck precluding unwelcome curiosity or questions from students. Tabitha really had no idea how she¡¯d acted as a thirteen-year-old girl back then in middle school, and being among so many of her peers, someone would have been bound to notice discrepancies. In some ways, it was convenient for Tabitha to not have any school friends¡ªshe wouldn¡¯t have known how to interact with them, how to maintain that appropriate thirteen-year-old facade. At the same time, however, it would have also been nice to be able to share a textbook with someone. All of her books were probably in her locker... which she didn¡¯t know the combination for. Or even where the blasted thing was located. Turning her attention now to the first page of her work packet, she blinked in surprise at the coursework laid out before her.
8th Grade Language Arts Section 9, Vocabulary Terms Match the following vocabulary words to their definitions:
1) Symbolism?
2) Forshadowing
3) Suspense
4) Theme
5) Setting
You can¡¯t be serious. There were thirty vocab words, and definitions for each were printed out below, each with a blank space for filling in a word. Tabitha was forced to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter. As an English Major, I could write a dissertation expounding and elaborating on any one of these terms. As a former aspiring author, I have personally worried each of those ideas down to the bone to comprehend every last nuance of profundity from the marrow therein! Look unto my knowledge and despair, Eighth Grade Language Arts Section 9 Vocabulary Terms, for you are not my equal! Tabitha then hastily scrawled in all thirty correct answers¡ªhaving read and solved all of the questions at a glance¡ªand flipped to the next page. It wasn¡¯t an exaggeration to say that the work was far too easy to pose any sort of challenge to her, and she breezed on through the packet oblivious to the fact that someone was watching her.
¡°Oh my God¡ªshe¡¯s even more stupider than she was,¡± Carrie whispered, letting out an amused giggle. ¡°Elena, quick, look!¡± ¡°Who?¡± Elena asked, arching an eyebrow at her friend. ¡°Tubby Tabby,¡± Carrie whispered, pointing out the chubby red-headed girl across the room with her pencil. ¡°She was staring at the first page forever, shaking like she was about to cry, and then she just gave up and scribbled in whatever. Look, she¡¯s doing it again!¡± ¡°Wow. Wooow,¡± Elena laughed, watching as Tabitha moved down the next page, pencilling in answers without more than a cursory look at the questions. ¡°Least now we know somebody¡¯s not making it to 9th grade with us.¡± ¡°Right?¡± Carrie snorted. ¡°I heard she hit her head bad last week, and lost like, half the brain cells she had left. Like, look at her¡ªcan she even read anymore? I bet she¡¯s turned illiterate.¡± Many of the girls in their grade had long since decided that Tubby Tabby was, to anyone familiar with the cruelties of adolescence, an unfortunate existence. One that few would ever willingly associate with. She was fat, unattractive, looked like she rarely showered, wore gross clothes, and even often smelled distinctly unwashed. Now, apparently, the tubby girl was also mentally damaged in addition to all of that. ¡°Yeah, like you¡¯re any better,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m getting into AP English at Springton High.¡± ¡°Fuck AP,¡± Carrie rolled her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m not doing summer reading.¡± ¡°See? See?¡± Elena goaded her friend, prodding her with the eraser-end of her pencil. ¡°You can¡¯t read any better than Tubby Tabby.¡± ¡°Uh, I can read, I¡¯m just not ever gonna read books if I don¡¯t have to, thanks?¡± Carrie scoffed, turning to a guy several seats behind them. ¡°Ethan. Ethan! Did you see what Tubby Tabby¡¯s doing?¡±
When Tabitha returned home from middle school, rather than relief, she felt strangely... unsatisfied. None of the middle school curriculum seemed specialized enough that she struggled with anything, and with sixty-years of knowledge somehow or other burned into her young brain, she¡¯d been finishing everything well before anyone else in each of her classes. They were all simple review sessions leading into their finals, but, everything seemed so terribly unorganized and inefficient. With fifteen minutes between classes, and about that long again for each of the teachers to get any traction with what they were trying to teach, too much of middle school seemed like a blatant waste of time. Thankfully, each school day was short¡ªactual class time in middle school only amounted to some five hours or so¡ªtime didn¡¯t seem to drag on and on endlessly like her work shifts at the Safety plant had so many years ago. Well, any more than that, and it¡¯d interfere with my training schedule, Tabitha decided, hanging her backpack on the peg behind her door and pulling out the slightly musty clothes she was using for work-outs. ¡°I don¡¯t want you doin¡¯ any of that runnin¡¯ around outside today, ¡®till your homework¡¯s done,¡± Mrs. Moore yelled. The large and fat woman had enthroned herself upon their battered and beaten sofa, and was nursing a pitcher of iced tea¡ªidly drinking from it directly rather than pouring it into a glass¡ªas commercials flickered by across their boxy old tube TV. ¡°What homework have you got?¡± ¡°I was assigned a set of thirty Algebra review questions, a worksheet in Social Studies, and I was given the final weekly study packet for Language Arts,¡± Tabitha reported, already changing into one of those cut-off T-shirts so she could head out for her daily circuits around the trailer park. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. ¡°Did you hear a word I just said?¡± Mrs. Moore demanded in annoyance. ¡°You sit your butt down at that table and get to work on all of that. You¡¯re not steppin¡¯ foot outside this house ¡®til then.¡± ¡°My Language Arts class was on the way to the bus loop from my Social Studies class,¡± Tabitha shrugged, pausing as she opened the front door. ¡°All of my homework has been completed, Mother. I thought it expedient to turn in all of the outstanding assignments before boarding the bus and returning home. Now that I have your permission, I¡¯m proceeding with my daily run.¡± ¡°What a bunch of bologna!¡± Mrs. Moore scowled, twisting around to shoot a look after Tabitha. ¡°Don¡¯t you think for one instant that I won¡¯t¡ªTabitha! Tabitha!¡± Her daughter was already gone. ¡°Unbelievable!¡± Mrs. Moore swore, shaking her head in indignation. ¡°That girl. I¡¯m liable to call up her teachers right this instant. If she¡¯s so much as a little behind in her lessons, her sorry behind¡¯s getting tanned.¡± But then, her sitcom came back on. The pale glow of the television illuminated her bloated and frowning face as one liners were followed up one after another by the prerecorded laugh track, and her outrage and anger were gradually forgotten.
¡°Why¡¯re you always runnin¡¯ around, goin¡¯ nowhere?¡± Mike asked. The scrawny eleven-year-old boy was idly riding his bike alongside her as she jogged her familiar route around the circumference of the Lower Park. ¡°I¡¯m... running away from something,¡± She huffed between breaths. ¡°Or... chasing something. I¡¯m not sure, yet.¡± ¡°Weird,¡± he said. ¡°My Mom said you¡¯re tryin¡¯ to lose weight.¡± ¡°That¡¯s another way... of putting it,¡± Tabitha gasped, ¡°yeah.¡± ¡°Oh. So, how much have you lost so far?¡± ¡°Not enough.¡± ¡°Okay, what¡¯s your like¡ªyou know, your goal?¡± ¡°What... do you care?¡± ¡°I¡¯m bored,¡± Mike shrugged, lazily pedaling along with his bare feet. ¡°You¡¯re at least, like, trying to do something. So, that¡¯s cool.¡± ¡°My goal... is to lose fifty pounds. Before high school starts.¡± ¡°Jesus, lady,¡± Mike goggled at her. ¡°Fifty pounds? That¡¯s impossible. That¡¯s like, almost as much as I weigh. I¡¯m seventy-six pounds.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not impossible,¡± Tabitha struggled out, her breathing still ragged. ¡°It¡¯s... the upper limit... of how much my body can endure. I was overweight... to begin with. Hundred and forty-eight pounds. I can safely lose... four pounds, every week. I can do this.¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªif you don¡¯t die,¡± Mike laughed. ¡°That¡¯s not healthy. You¡¯re crazy.¡± ¡°High school¡¯s... a cruel place, Mike,¡± Tabitha panted, tilting her head as she ran to give him a look. ¡°I think¡­ I¡¯d be crazy... not... to do this.¡± ¡°Okay, okay. If you say so,¡± Mike said, letting his bike coast to a stop in front of the turn-off for his trailer. He watched the chubby girl plod along ahead of him with no sign of slowing down or stopping. ¡°Well, good luck.¡±
Her dreaded last week of middle school passed by without major incident. Tabitha immediately and impeccably dispatched any homework sent her way¡ªher playing dumb act seemed sufficient for students to continue ignoring her. The most trouble her sudden academic ability aroused was Mrs. Hodge remarking on how focused she¡¯d become. The exams for her classes ended up almost all being laughably easy multiple-choice sections, and she simply filled in all of the correct bubbles at alarming speed, racing through everything except for the essay on her Language Arts final. That, she worked and reworked until moments before time was called. She¡¯s certainly going to be surprised when she tries to grade THAT one, Tabitha thought, smiling to herself with satisfaction. I believe they¡¯ll all find my thoughts on how the growing advancement and availability of computer technology might affect the nature of all social interaction in the future¡­ rather prophetic. They¡¯ll also realize that not setting a limit on essay length may be biting off more than they can chew. School was never my real opponent, though, now was it? Grimacing, Tabitha, stretching from where she stood on top of the living room chair to reach the mildew on the ceiling with her wet rag. ¡°Are you even listening to me?¡± Mrs. Moore demanded, slapping the remote control onto the armrest of the sofa she occupied. Tabitha paused for a moment, took a deep breath to calm herself, and resumed scrubbing away at the ceiling. Back when she was growing up, her mother possessed a commanding, authoritative presence. Mrs. Moore was one to be feared and respected¡ªand never disobeyed. Now, however, the woman seemed to irrationally be in direct opposition to every single task Tabitha set her mind on, without any logic or reason. Was she always this way? Did I repress all of this? ¡°I said, I really don¡¯t like all that karate you¡¯re trying to do,¡± Mrs. Moore called over to her. ¡°You¡¯re just askin¡¯ to hurt yourself, like you did on that trampoline jumper. And I don¡¯t want to ever see you trying to fight with people, either!¡± ¡°It¡¯s not karate,¡± Tabitha said, wringing brackish water out of the washcloth and into the waiting bucket perched on the window ledge. ¡°Karate, kung-fu, whatever it is you think you¡¯re doing,¡± her mother shook her head in apparent distaste. ¡°It¡¯s disgraceful seeing you standing out there with your leg up in the air, where everyone can see you.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a practitioner of Taekwondo, a Korean martial art known for its emphasis on kicking techniques,¡± Tabitha explained in a dull voice, wiping absentmindedly at the dirty water trying to trickle down her wrist before returning to scrub the paneling. ¡°Martial arts, Korea, listen to you. You¡¯re thirteen. You don¡¯t know a damn thing about Korea.¡± ¡°I may know more about Korea right now than anyone else alive,¡± Tabitha muttered under her breath. ¡°Don¡¯t get smart with me,¡± Mrs. Moore warned. ¡°I mean it, I don¡¯t want you out there doing who knows what anymore. The neighbors are asking what on God¡¯s green earth you¡¯re up to, and I don¡¯t know what in the world I¡¯m supposed to tell them, anymore. So, no more. I don¡¯t want you leaving this house unless¡ª¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha threw the filthy rag down into her bucket hard enough to splash water out across the clean living room. She stepped off of the chair and dropped heavily to the floor, turned, and finally glared at her mother. ¡°Fine. Okay. How do you plan on stopping me?¡± ¡°Excuse me?¡± Mrs. Moore heaved herself up from her indentation in the sofa. ¡°How do you plan on stopping me?¡± Tabitha repeated, her voice going cold as the last of her patience today ran out. ¡°What consequences are in store for me, should I refuse to obey? What are you going to do?¡± ¡°Tabitha Anne Moore, if you ever speak to me like that again, I¡¯ll tan your sorry¡ª¡± ¡°Go ahead,¡± Tabitha said, and the heavyset thirteen-year-old girl stepped forward. ¡°Try it. Violence might just be the only leverage you have left. Let¡¯s just see if my will breaks before your hands do.¡± Stunned by her daughter¡¯s cold indifference, Mrs. Moore was flabbergasted, still deciding how to threaten Tabitha next when her daughter simply stormed out the front door of the trailer, leaving it hang open behind her. ¡°Tabitha!¡± The fat woman exclaimed, stomping to stand in the doorway. ¡°Where do you think you¡¯re going?¡± ¡°Grandma Laurie¡¯s. Again,¡± Tabitha answered with a shout, not turning back. ¡°Before either I do something stupid¡­ or you do.¡± ¡°You¡¯re thirteen years old, you¡¯re not walking the whole way ¡®cross town!¡± her mother bellowed. ¡°Come back here, right this instant!¡± Your father¡¯s going to hear about this!¡±
Summer sun filtered through the trees overhead as Tabitha jogged along the city sidewalk towards Grandma Laurie¡¯s. Since receiving a talk from Grandma Laurie, Mr. Moore had provisionally agreed to allow Tabitha free reign in both planning their groceries and cooking meals for the family. As a result of that first batch of real food, Tabitha¡¯s energy levels had skyrocketed. Gone were the days of teetering on the brink of exhaustion from failing to scrounge up healthy food¡ªnow the fridge was fully stocked with a variety of produce. All she¡¯d had to do was keep the cost well under their normal budget, and promise they would get more meals out of the purchases, both of which were easy to achieve. The quality of some of the grocery store vegetables was debatable, but Tabitha planned to use even that as a point in favor of at least visiting one of the farmers markets nearby. The only problem was¡­ once again, Tabitha¡¯s mother. The sudden and alarming change in their foodstuffs threw the woman into fits for more reasons than one, and she was perpetually on edge and irritable. As if being robbed of everything she enjoyed eating wasn¡¯t enough, the entire situation came about because Tabitha used Grandma Laurie to pressure Mr. Moore, which totally circumvented Mrs. Moore¡¯s household authority. I never wanted to take sides in these stupid family squabbles, Tabitha fumed, gritting her teeth. I just want to eat right. Is that so much to ask?! She knew that her impatience to reshape her life was at fault here, but as she rounded the corner into Grandma Laurie¡¯s familiar neighborhood, she just couldn¡¯t see any other feasible route to take. I can¡¯t live that same life again. I CAN¡¯T. Even if it earns me all of her ire, even if it turns Mom completely against me. I¡¯m sorry, but that¡¯s how it is. Things were going to get bad between us once that blue album comes out, anyways. Tabitha felt her shoulders start to reflexively hunch up at even the thought of that. ¡°I know I said I¡¯d like to see you more often,¡± Grandma Laurie called over. ¡°But, you¡¯ve been coming by every other day, now. Is everything all right?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha admitted honestly, trudging the last few steps of her journey across town and collapsing on her grandmother¡¯s porch step. ¡°Had another argument with that woman.¡± ¡°...Ah.¡± Grandma Laurie sighed, easing out of her chair so that she could sit down on the steps next to Tabitha. ¡°What was it this time?¡± ¡°It¡¯s always the same thing, I guess,¡± Tabby said, staring across the yard. ¡°I¡¯m growing up, and growing up fast. I think I can manage to deal with all of the changes I¡¯m going through. But, I don¡¯t think that she can.¡± ¡°It¡¯s hard watching your children grow up,¡± Grandma Laurie nodded, stroking a hand through Tabitha¡¯s hair. ¡°Do you think I¡¯ll ever have kids?¡± Tabitha wondered out loud, leaning into her grandmother. ¡°Well, of course you will, Sweetie,¡± Grandma Laurie laughed, shaking her head as if it was a silly question. ...Huh? Tabitha blinked. What? I know I¡¯m still young now, but... did my relatives actually assume I¡¯d ever find someone? Tabitha had already long since stopped considering it as an option, years and years ago. Well, it still isn¡¯t anything to think about now. Maybe if the right guy appears in my life this time. Then, I¡¯ll think about it. After Julie¡¯s older. ¡°I think I¡¯m going to adopt,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°When the time¡¯s right. I want things to be perfect. I want to be able to give her everything.¡± ¡°Adoption?¡± It was Grandma Laurie¡¯s turn to be surprised. ¡°That¡¯s always an option too, I suppose.¡± ¡°Are the boys home?¡± Tabitha asked, standing up and brushing leaves off the seat of her sweatpants. ¡°I¡¯m sure they¡¯re still playing their video games,¡± Grandma Laurie smiled. ¡°I was just about to take them to the playground, so they could burn off all of that energy before I send ¡®em on back to their parents.¡± ¡°Can I take them?¡± ¡°You want to take them to the playground?¡± ¡°School¡¯s out for summer really soon,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I can look after them every other day, so that you can get some peace and quiet.¡± ¡°Uh¡­ that¡¯s very thoughtful of you, Sweetie,¡± Grandma Laurie said, surprised again. ¡°But, you don¡¯t have to do that. They can be a bit of a handful.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve helped me out, a lot,¡± Tabitha said, looking at her grandmother with a serious face. ¡°I meant it when I said I¡¯d find some way to return the favor. Can I do this for you?¡± ¡°If that¡¯s what you want,¡± the older woman chuckled. ¡°You can take them today. I¡¯m not going to pass up a chance for some peace and quiet¡ªwhy do you think I¡¯m out here on this porch?¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said, enveloping Grandma Laurie in a hug. ¡°I¡¯ll have them back by dark.¡± ¡°Oh, trust me¡ªyou¡¯re very welcome.¡± ¡°Booooys!¡± Tabitha crossed over to the screen door and called inside, a grin spreading across her features. ¡°Who wants to go play tag at the playground?¡±
¡°Huh,¡± Tabitha¡¯s History teacher, Mr. Mann, grunted to himself as he graded the exams he¡¯d given his classes. After going out of his way to make the thing obnoxiously difficult¡ªand even throwing in several trick questions¡ªsomeone had still managed to get a full score. He¡¯d purposefully made his test a nightmare to give those damned lazy eighth-graders of his a real kick in the pants. ¡°Well, s¡¯only one out of all the classes, anyhow. Let¡¯s see, who¡¯s our little prodigy¡­ Tabitha Moore? Tabitha¡­ Moore? Wait, isn¡¯t that... that chubby head injury girl, from second period? SHE got full marks?¡± ¡°That... can¡¯t be right¡­?¡± He flipped the paper back over with a frown, intent on double-checking all of her written answers again, more closely this time. 5: The trials of summer. As the pounds steadily disappeared, Tabitha found that everything was becoming easier. What began in her first days as a walk became a slow jog, and then a run. By now, her daily run was laced with sprints to get her heart rate up, and even that didn¡¯t feel like enough. Holes had worn into the crease of her sneakers where they bent with her step, and she had to superglue the soles several times as they were starting to peel off. Over the course of her summer before high school, she spent a large fraction of time visiting Grandma Laurie, wishing only that she¡¯d appreciated the woman more in her past lifetime. They had so much in common! Although she¡¯d initially planned on making long treks to the city library to start writing her novels, Goblina and Goblin Princess, she found herself too distracted with stopping over every other day to chat, and then dutifully taking her four cousins to the playground. There, they played the most ubiquitous game in existence across playgrounds everywhere; tag. Despite her initial overweight appearance, Tabitha had an uncanny ability to predict the timing of their lunges, and was able to outmaneuver her opponents into being cornered when she was ¡®it.¡¯ As time went on and her weight steadily fell, her increasing speed and stamina made her almost unbeatable. When they started playing team tag, she took only the youngest cousin, Joshua onto her side to even the odds. Eventually, the teams seemed set at all four boys against her; any one of the boys could tag her for a win, but then she had to tag out all four in succession. She never thought herself above playing with the children; the boys loved having someone to play with. Besides, scampering around in an energetic young body¡ªone that became a little better-looking and more able with each passing day¡ªwas simply intoxicating. What affected Tabitha¡¯s increasingly positive mentality the most, however, was seeing that new face in her mirror every day, trying out hesitant smiles. Over the weeks as the fat began to recede from her face, a surprisingly lovely young woman was emerging somehow from within. A girl with features she could vainly admire for hours, if she didn¡¯t stop herself. Whatever asinine genetic trait it was that had stored so much fat in her face had gradually been overcome by Tabitha¡¯s zealous weight loss regimen. Her neck had gone from being a bulbous distraction to a slender thing, and her chin and the line of her jaw looked more defined and appealing to her every single day. The incessant burning of every stored calorie her nonstop efforts could reach seemed to have a direct impact on every aspect of her body. Rather than her old toad-like blob of a nose, the center of her face was now adorned instead by a cute button nose. Her figure¡ªnot slim yet by any means, but definitely slimmer. Tabitha¡¯s eyes looked bright now, large and expressive now that her cheeks had slimmed down and the very proportions of her face were changed. Unfortunately, Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure exactly what her current weight was at. Weighing herself twice a mere ten minutes apart had revealed a fourteen-pound difference! Which was, obviously, impossible. To her dismay, she realized that accidentally shifting or nudging their beaten old bathroom scale at all would yield a drastically different result when next stood upon. None of the flooring in the trailer was level, the patchwork plywood and particleboard beneath their linoleum and carpets all uneven in different ways and angles. Which meant now she was no longer confident in what her initial weight had actually been, or how it would be best to calibrate the scale without something of exactly predetermined weight. As much as the visual results of her tireless effort put a smile on her face, however, it wasn¡¯t all good news. She was constantly aching all over, and it was evident that the rapid weight loss was dangerous, because it was wreaking havoc on her young body. The first menstrual cycle of her new life had come and gone, and it was very irregular from what she¡¯d ever remembered having. Enough to send her into a mild panic. If she were to classify the periods throughout her past life, they would rank into simple light, or heavy. This one was a weird thanks for trying, or maybe a reply hazy, try again later. Well, deal with it, body, Tabitha scoffed to herself. I know what I¡¯m doing isn¡¯t very healthy¡ªbut what about my mental health? I NEED to change. So what if it throws off my cycle? I don¡¯t have time for your bullshit anymore anyways, uterus. AT BEST, you were nothing but dead weight to me; an obnoxious monthly inconvenience that I lugged around for no reason for almost sixty years! Don¡¯t go thinking that I won¡¯t just go get those tubes tied this time through. I totally will. I¡¯ll do it, just try me!
¡°Sweetie¡­ I know you¡¯re going through a lot of changes right now,¡± Mr. Moore began awkwardly, frowning. ¡°But, you don¡¯t have to try to do everything all at once, okay?¡± ¡°...Are you trying to discourage me from improving my life?¡± Tabitha asked, pausing mid-pushup. She held herself there, waiting for his answer. An uncomfortable distance had formed between her and her parents. She didn¡¯t know how to act when she was around them, and in turn they seemed to have no idea how to treat her. Mrs. Moore was caught up in following the explosive Monica Lewinsky/Clinton scandal that was dominating the news, and her father was¡­ well, he was trying. ¡°Of course not, I¡ªit¡¯s just¡ªwell,¡± he sighed. ¡°Can you sit up, so we can talk properly?¡± She completed her pushup, then rose to meet his eyes. She knew she was drastically thinner than he was used to seeing, as though she¡¯d shrunken a size, all over, and it was obvious that it was worrying him. ¡°We... don¡¯t think it¡¯s healthy, you losing weight this fast,¡± he said. ¡°You¡¯ve been at this for weeks, now. You¡¯re working out, what, five? Six hours a day? You¡¯ll kill yourself, Sweetie.¡± ¡°Six hours a day,¡± she admitted, sliding a notebook out from beneath her bed. ¡°Which is another way of saying that I¡¯m also resting the other eighteen hours every day. My exercises rotate through different muscle groups throughout the week to prevent excessive damage. I wrote myself up a schedule, if you¡¯d like to take a look. It may ease your concerns.¡± She passed the notebook up to him. ¡°I, uh... still don¡¯t think that¡ªholy cow,¡± he mumbled, looking at the fitness routines, reptitions, hours and numbers she¡¯d crammed the pages with. ¡°This is¡­ well, Sweetie, what are you¡ªwhere are you going with all of this? Are you aimin¡¯ to become an athlete?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha said, looking away. ¡°I want to be pretty, for just once in my life. I know all of this must seem¡­ impatient, to you, but I¡¯m done waiting for some fantasy dream world where I¡¯m beautiful and things work out and I matter. Dad, I¡¯m going to make it all happen.¡± ¡°I believe you can, too, Sweetie,¡± he said said after a long moment of silence. ¡°You know we love you just the way you are though, right? No matter how you look.¡± ¡°I know what you think. And... I tried that. It didn¡¯t work out,¡± she said, in more of a brisk tone than she¡¯d intended. Feeling a little ashamed of herself, she dropped back down and positioned herself to resume the push-ups. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ sorry. I love you too, Daddy.¡± ¡°How about I take you out this weekend, get you some new clothes,¡± He offered. ¡°Since you seem hell bent on changin¡¯ yer whole figure before high school.¡± ¡°I¡¯d¡­ I¡¯d love that, thank you,¡± Tabitha heaved herself back up and rocked back to sit on her heels. ¡°Thank you, thank you, thank you!¡±
As Tabitha leapt up into the air and snapped out a neat and precise jump-kick, the most she felt now was a slight, almost imperceptible wobble, rather than that unpleasant jiggle from several weeks ago. Landing steadily, she twisted positions and performed a low crosshand block with both arms. Though she¡¯d lost a significant amount of weight and was finally seeing it in the mirror, the pounds weren¡¯t exactly melting away. Rather, they were being wrung out of her, exhausted out of her through the rigors of her exercise and diet plan. I feel like I need to be doing even MORE, though, Tabitha thought, unable to shake the anxious feeling that¡¯d been plaguing her. She was working through her exercise rotation, she was practicing her katas, and running to Grandma Laurie¡¯s and then playing with the cousins made for good cardio in between. What else can I do? Glancing up and down the street of nearby mobile homes to see no cars were coming and that no one was in sight, she took a couple careful steps and¡ªattempted a handstand. Her palms planted on the concrete of the sidewalk, her legs kicked up into the air... and flailed. After a short, fleeting moment with all of her blood rushing to her head, she lost her balance and fell forewards, her shoes slapping onto the sidewalk. Ow. That¡­ wasn¡¯t as bad as I thought it¡¯d be, Tabitha thought, lurching back up to her feet and looking around with an embarrassed expression. Maybe I don¡¯t need to try it out here on the sidewalk, but¡­ I can probably do flips. Cartwheels. Actual gymnastic stuff, now. Looking thoughtful now, Tabitha brushed herself off and resumed her Taekwondo forms. Lately, her thoughts had begun to stray while in the midst of doing her katas, and even moreso as she ran the loop around the lower park neighborhood. She couldn¡¯t stop thinking about parkour. Somewhere between a movement technique and a training discipline, parkour was a rather eye-catching method of traversing various obstacles along a course. Although here in 1998 it was more or less completely unknown, several decades in the future it would feature prominently in almost every single action movie. Tabitha hadn¡¯t even actually learned parkour was the name for it, until she was already in her fifties. During belt promotions one fall at the Taekwondo school, a few of the youngsters had set up a demonstration for everyone. Damn my old bones. Should¡¯ve at least tried their little obstacle course, Tabitha thought to herself in dismay. Now that the Taekwondo and running felt virtually effortless to her¡ªa race against boredom more than an effort of exertion, her mind kept wandering. If they could do it, I can figure it out. The cousins are going to get tired of tag, sooner or later.
A week later, Tabitha pursed her lips as she pushed hangars of clothing down the rack one by one, carefully working her way through the aisles. Even though she¡¯d coerced her father into taking her to the thrift store rather than anywhere else for her clothes shopping... on the stated limit of ten dollars, there wasn¡¯t a whole lot she could afford to buy. Either one new pair of jeans and a shirt to go with it, or maybe several shirts. She needed much more than that, however. After asking the sales clerk for clearance items, she was told that items with certain colored tags were further discounted to half-off. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. Which led her to her next dilemma: she didn¡¯t even know what size she would be by the time her freshman year started. Her waistline was steadily shrinking, but she didn¡¯t know what size it would stop at. As if the issue weren¡¯t already complicated enough, she was also still growing in other ways¡ªthe ravages of puberty wouldn¡¯t complete her adolescence for another two years, at least. There were only three pairs of jeans that fell into her projected size range that were also half-off, so she picked the best looking two and threw them over an arm to try on. She would likely just barely squeeze into them now, but by the end of the summer she might have to pull them apart along the outer seam and re-tailor them to a smaller frame. All of the preparation and planning for high school is finally starting to pay off, though, Tabitha thought to herself, absent-mindedly stroking at her red hair. Some of the ingredients she¡¯d budgeted into their grocery list had nothing to do with the meals she was cooking for them. It had taken some experimenting, as she hadn¡¯t perfectly remembered the instructions, but sifting a tablespoon of light rye flour through a tea strainer, and then adding it to a tablespoon of warm water made a hair wash that was supremely effective as a substitute for shampoo. She was now diligently scrubbing the oils out of her hair, every three days. After a few more weeks of care and treatment, her hair would be looking better than it ever had before. I wonder if Grandma Laurie has a sewing machine, Tabitha paused, pulling a rather cute dress off a nearby rack. The upper part of this is a lot like a modern-day blouse. Er, modern like they¡¯ll be in the future, I guess I should say. Hey, it¡¯s half-off.
¡°Girls are all dumb and have big fat butts!¡± ¡°Sam, that¡¯s a rude and hurtful thing to say,¡± Tabitha scolded. ¡°Please behave yourself until we¡¯re at the playground.¡± ¡°What¡¯re you gonna do about it, sissy?¡± Sam taunted. ¡°Hit me like a girl?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯d like that,¡± Tabitha warned. ¡°Yeah right, like I¡¯d even feel it,¡± Sam scoffed, stomping towards her with his hands raised in a provoking way. ¡°Betcha can¡¯t hit me! Betcha can¡¯t hit me!¡± It was the middle of summer, when Sam, the eldest of her cousins, made that mistake of slapping a sharp spank on Tabitha¡¯s undefended bottom. All of his brothers watching were just about to shriek with laughter and join in on teasing and messing with Tabby... But, unfortunately for Sam¡ªTabby didn¡¯t hit like a girl, anymore. She hit like someone trained in the correct way to punch, like someone who spent time each day practicing throwing that exact strike over and over and over again in studious repetition. So, the boys watched in surprise as their angry redhead cousin pulled back her fist like an action movie star¡ªand threw a punch into Sam with a twist of her entire body that put every ounce of weight in her body behind it. She put Sam down in the grass beside the road, hard. Clenching and unclenching her hand, she then scowled and left for the day, without saying another word to any of them. ¡°Jesus,¡± Nick mouthed. ¡°Is¡­ is he dead?!¡± Joshua prodded his eldest brother with the toe of his sneaker.
When the boys saw Tabitha again days later, she wasn¡¯t angry. She smiled sweetly at them, and pulled Sam aside, apologizing for losing her temper. She then warned him to never, ever do that again. To her, or any other girl, ever. ¡°If I hear that you have, I¡¯m going to hit you again, just as hard,¡± Tabitha promised, examining him with deadly seriousness shining in her eyes. ¡°But, you¡¯re not a child anymore, so you¡¯re going to have to take it right in the face, next time. Got it?¡± She ignored the way Sam subconsciously flinched back, and then brought them to the playground and played tag with everyone like nothing had ever happened... but the social dynamic between her and the boys would never be the same again. Aiden sided with Tabitha¡ªit felt to him like she was in the right, like she¡¯d had a good enough reason, and to his surprise, both Nick and Joshua quickly agreed with him. Sam sneered and called them all wussies, but he never tempted fate with Tabitha again. After all, over the course of the summer, the tubby Tabby they were used to making fun of was transforming into an angel of death. What seemed like a third of her body weight simply melted away, sloughed off beneath a relentless onslaught of physical activity that would have seemed olympian to them, if they¡¯d understood the concept. The girl wasn¡¯t just fast anymore¡ª she was jumping, she was kicking off of the sides of playground equipment, she performed dive-rolls to avoid their tags, and they¡¯d even seen her do a hand-spring to get away, once. Tabitha was working out and improving every day, and the hours of playtime she spent with the cousins that left all four of them completely exhausted. She wasn¡¯t an ugly duckling anymore, either, but despite how pretty she was becoming, they never thought to compare her to a swan. A hawk, or an eagle, maybe. Some fierce bird of prey that had beautiful wings but also sported powerful talons, the kind that could rend flesh with ease. The cousins might have not grasped the finer nuances of concepts like respect just yet, but the fear and awe they felt when they looked towards Tabitha was becoming profound. The bruise on Sam¡¯s chest was a deep purple for weeks before fading away in sickening yellows and faint greens, and they told their father, Tabitha¡¯s Uncle Danny, that Sam got hit with a softball. Everyone was warned to pay more goddamn attention, and watch what they were fucking doing. This time, they did.
Tabitha had already set the table and was putting the finishing touches on their dinner when the phone call came. Turning the heat off the stove but continuing to whisk the noodles, chicken, and the pesto sauce in the skillet, she couldn¡¯t help but glance up with interest as her father received the call. ¡°Moore residence,¡± he said, frowning. She looked back down, giving the noodles and chicken one last stir¡ªthey were done enough. Telemarketer, perhaps? We don¡¯t get a lot of calls. ¡°She what?¡± Mr. Moore said, turning and looking directly at Tabitha. She paused for a moment, but he was still listening to someone on the other end of the line talk. She scooped a portion of chicken pesto into bowls for each of them, gently dipped the skillet into waiting soapy sink water, and brought dinner to the table. ¡°I thought we were having noodles and chicken,¡± Mrs. Moore complained, glaring at the bowl placed before them. ¡°Noodles aren¡¯t supposed to be green, Tabitha. What is this, green pepper?¡± ¡°Honey¡ªI¡¯m on the phone,¡± Mr. Moore said, throwing his wife a look. ¡°They¡¯re zucchini noodles,¡± Tabitha whispered in a low voice. ¡°I spent almost an hour with the peeler preparing enough for us.¡± I wish you could understand how precious every hour of my time is. ¡°Zucchini?¡± Mrs. Moore sighed, picking a slender piece of green out of her bowl with her fingers¡ªwhich Tabitha found exceptionally rude¡ªand examining it. ¡°Tabby, you can¡¯t just replace noodles with zucchini in a recipe out of nowhere. How are we supposed to eat this?¡± ¡°I¡¯d appreciate it if you tried, at least,¡± Tabitha whispered, trying not to scowl. ¡°Well, of course you have Tabitha¡¯s permission,¡± her father told someone on the phone, causing Tabitha¡¯s head to snap around. Narrowing her eyes, she took her seat at the table and waited for him to finish. ¡°Alright,¡± her father continued, nodding to the person he couldn¡¯t see. ¡°Uh-huh. Well, thank you. I¡¯ll let her know. Goodbye.¡± ¡°Alan, Tabitha didn¡¯t make any noodles,¡± Mrs. Moore pointed out in an accusing tone. ¡°All she made was zucchini.¡± ¡°Dinner is chicken pesto, served with zucchini noodles,¡± Tabitha calmly explained. ¡°I worked very hard on it, and I¡¯d like you to please try it.¡± ¡°And what about those of us who don¡¯t eat zucchini?¡± her mother exclaimed. ¡°What are we supposed to eat?¡± ¡°We still have steamed broccoli from¡ª¡± ¡°Enough, Tabitha. I¡¯m sure you think this is real funny.¡± ¡°It looks good, Sweetie,¡± Mr. Moore sat down, clearing his throat. ¡°We¡¯re very proud of you for making dinner every night. No matter how it turns out.¡± Unsure whether to thank him or object to the backhanded compliment, Tabitha bowed her head and led them in saying a simple grace. Both of her parents had been rather incensed the time she launched into a lengthy grace, insisting she was being disrespectful, so she kept her thanks short and sweet. ¡°That was someone from the school board, calling about one of your essays,¡± Alan said, turning the zucchini over thoughtfully with his fork. ¡°It¡¯s very thoughtful of them to call,¡± Tabitha said, trying not to smile. ¡°They¡¯re going to send it to The Tribune and publish it,¡± he said, looking up at her. ¡°And they want to put you in AP English when you start at Springton High. They¡¯re recommending you. Do you know what all this is about?¡± ¡°Aye-Pee English, what th¡ª¡± ¡°It stands for advanced placement,¡± Tabitha elaborated, interrupting her mother. ¡°I put a lot of thought into the essay on my exam.¡± ¡°They said it was seven pages,¡± Mr. Moore said, popping a fork full of zucchini noodles into his mouth. He looked like he was going to continue his thought, but instead chewed distractedly. ¡°You know... this isn¡¯t half bad.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°They made you write a seven page essay for your exam?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, still reluctant to taste her noodles. ¡°Oh, no,¡± Tabitha said, relishing another bite of the pesto chicken she¡¯d worked hard on. ¡°It¡¯s a middle school Language Arts examination. They asked for a minimum of three paragraphs. Like I said... I just had a lot of thought to put into that essay.¡±
¡°Hope you¡¯re all actually ready, this time,¡± Tabitha said, looking from cousin to nervous cousin standing in the playground with her. Sam, Aiden, Nick and Joshua eyed her warily but didn¡¯t speak¡ªthey were prepared to burst into motion the moment she made her move. ¡°Okay¡­ and, go!¡± Smirking, she turned and broke into a sprint across the playground, and her four cousins dashed after her, chasing the now-familiar bob and sway of her bouncing red ponytail. She seemed to run on effortlessly, however, and the slim girl widened the distance between her and her pursuers in an instant. The three-foot tall chainlink fence at the edge of the park looked like it would be an obstacle for the five-foot four girl, but she planted both feet heavily in front of that fence and leapt, launching herself up to land on the fence¡¯s top rail with both of her worn shoes. Her arms flashed out momentarily for balance, and then she flipped, twisting sideways through the air to land on the other side of the fence with what seemed like the natural ease of a born acrobat. She called it parkour, and promised to teach them all how to do all of it¡ªwhen they could keep up with her. As Aiden led the others in struggling to clamber over the park¡¯s fence, he knew that it wouldn¡¯t be soon¡ªhe knew from experience now that if she¡¯d kept running, she wouldn¡¯t even be in sight by the time they all cleared the fence. She was waiting for them now on the other side, taunting them with her proximity¡ªbecause none of her cousins had been able to tag her in days. 6: First day at Springton High. Tabitha Moore didn¡¯t remember what it was like stepping onto the bus for the first day of high school in her past life¡ªbecause nothing had happened back then. She¡¯d been greeted with indifference and summarily ignored, never given a second glance. As she climbed up the steps within the large yellow school bus at the end of her neighborhood and first laid eyes on the rows of high schoolers seated there... she realized that everything about this life was destined now to be different from what she knew. Immediately upon stepping up into view, a guy sitting at the back of the bus let out a jeering whooo that was picked up on by several other guys. Everyone turned and stared at her, and Tabitha froze. Her coppery red hair was worn down and falling in a deliberate tangle¡ªvery subtle use of her mother¡¯s curling iron and a little bit of product gave her hair some volume for that perfect slightly mussed look, an endeavor three weekends and quite of bit of research in the making. Tabitha¡¯s large, expressive hazel eyes were framed with a tiny bit of subdued eyeliner and her delicate, sweet features were just a shade pale of perfect. Despite spending most of her summer outdoors, she hadn¡¯t tanned¡ªwith her genetics, she simply couldn¡¯t. Her skin was either Irish white or redneck red, so in the days before school started she rearranged her schedule to put herself out of the sun. Running times were shifted to early mornings and late nights, and she¡¯d even specifically skipped today¡¯s run to spend time going over her appearance, paying rigorous attention to every detail. The white top she wore had once been a discounted thrift-store dress. It showed off her shoulders and neck without revealing any cleavage, had exquisite embroidery and generally looked great on her, but had been a little too dressy for school. So, it had been sundered at the seams, cut apart and then re-hemmed into a lovely blouse. The better-fitting of her two surviving pairs of blue jeans and her new shoes made it a decent outfit. Grandma Laurie had proposed making a school bag together out of the different shades of jeans they¡¯d cut up¡ªthe straps of her bag were real belts, worked through actual belt loops on the bag and stitched into place. Painfully aware of everyone watching her, Tabitha picked her way down the bus aisle looking for a seat. Conversations went silent as she passed, and guys were politely shifting over to offer her a seat next to them. For a second, that would have seemed thoughtful, Tabitha scowled inwardly. Raising her guard, she stepping past them to instead situate herself next to a lone girl who was staring absentmindedly out the window. But, none of you were ever this thoughtful last time through. Nice try. ¡°Good morning,¡± The guy across from her waved. ¡°...Hi,¡± Tabitha greeted back warily. ¡°You nervous?¡± He asked. Do I look nervous? Tabitha wondered for a split-second, mentally re-evaluating the entrance she¡¯d made. No. I didn¡¯t make any expressions, or show anything at all. Must just be his way of breaking the ice. ¡°...About what?¡± Tabitha questioned. ¡°First day of school,¡± he reminded her. There were one or two other conversations going on throughout the bus as it lurched into motion with a diesel hum, but for the most part it felt like most of the passengers were listening in on them. ¡°Yeah, real nervous,¡± Tabitha replied in a clear, steady voice. ¡°You know, my palms are sweaty¡ªknees weak, arms are heavy.¡± The guy gave her a curious look and laughed. Half-way through chiding herself for not remembering the rest of the lyrics, Tabitha realized that it was still nineteen-ninety-eight¡­ that particular Eminem song probably hadn¡¯t even come out yet. Mentally grimacing, she kept her composure and turned her head away to listlessly watch the scenery roll by outside the window. Oh, well. At least I didn''t say anything about vomiting spaghetti. Everyone could tell I was quoting something... right? Before they arrived at the school¡¯s bus loop, another guy introduced himself, ducking forward from the rear of the bus into a nearby seat to tell her that hi, my name¡¯s Kyle¡ªhow you doin¡¯, and Tabitha began to understand that the attention she¡¯d thought she craved after a lifetime of being ignored was actually¡­ awkward and a little embarrassing. I always hated being put on the spot. Why did I ever think I wanted to stand out? As everyone filed out of the bus and into the school commons of Springton High, Tabitha felt jittery stage-fright rise up within her. She¡¯d hoped to have a nice moment, stepping off the bus and seeing her old alma mater once again, but it felt like she was being watched from every angle. Heads were turning as she passed, a guy in the distance elbowed his buddy and jerked his chin in her direction, people were looking over at her. It wasn¡¯t just guys, either. Girls were sizing her up and evaluating her when she stepped into the school commons, and an older man¡ªa teacher? Administrator? Principal?¡ªnodded and said good morning to her. Is this how normal people feel all the time? Tabitha wondered, struggling to not feel overwhelmed before she even made it to her first class. Like they¡¯re the protagonists of their story? Was I not even the main character of my own fucking story, last lifetime? The thought made her a little angry. Despite attracting interest in spades, Tabitha was in a strange mood for her debut and didn¡¯t want to chat with anyone or make new friends, just yet. Following her written itinerary, she strolled past the clusters of high schoolers milling about throughout the commons waiting for first bell and headed towards her classroom. ¡°Hi,¡± A pair of students were already there, both guys around her age. Her current age, anyways. ¡°Here for Mr. Simmons, Marine Science?¡± ¡°Mr. Simmons, Marine Science,¡± Tabitha confirmed, waving her slip. Everyone¡¯s just so friendly when you¡¯re not fat and unhappy-looking¡­ ¡°You new here?¡± the other boy asked. ¡°I¡¯m a freshman, yeah,¡± Tabitha answered cautiously. ¡°Cool. Awesome, me too.¡± She wasn¡¯t able to tell whether she was meeting these people for the first time, or if they were middle school peers who failed to recognize her because of her summertime transformation. However, she would have no excuse for not recognizing them if they were people she¡¯d should have met before in middle school, which was an awkward situation just waiting to happen. Don¡¯t want to seem like I¡¯m putting on airs, now. Unfortunately, for her forty-seven years had gone by, and she didn¡¯t remember any of her prior classmates at all. She¡¯d become familiar with a few middle-school faces during the last few weeks of finals before summer started, but none of them had talked to her. She hadn¡¯t bothered remembering many names. There is one name I remember for sure, Tabitha thought to herself, pursing her pink lips. Alicia Brook. Brooks? I think it was Alicia Brooks. Fellow hometown hero. ¡°Got any good classes?¡± The taller of the two guys interrupted her thoughts. ¡°I have classes,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Too soon to say what¡¯s good and what¡¯s garbage, isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got bus tech next,¡± the tall one bragged. ¡°Business technology¡ªthe whole first semester¡¯s learning how to type, and I already know how to.¡± ¡°I touch type,¡± the shorter one said. ¡°Hah, chicken-pecking,¡± the tall one rolled his eyes. ¡°You should transfer to bus tech. You¡¯ll need to learn how to type someday anyways.¡± ¡°For what? I don¡¯t have a computer,¡± the other one scoffed. ¡°Probably never will. Computers are for nerds.¡± ¡°Do you type?¡± The taller one looked towards Tabitha. ¡°Um¡­ a little bit, I guess?¡± She showed them an uneasy smile. A little bit as in, over a hundred words a minute. I¡¯m a writer, and I clocked myself when I was looking into working data entry, right before Town Hall hired me. In THIS life, I bet my fingers are even faster than that. ¡°You should take bus tech too,¡± the tall guy said. ¡°You can get a cushy job somewhere as a secretary, barely doing anything and getting paid for it. What¡¯re you planning on doing when you grow up?¡± ¡®When I grow up?¡¯ Tabitha struggled to keep a straight face. Do people in high school seriously still use that phrase? I mean, I¡¯m still thirteen until December, so I know I¡¯m really, really young, even for high school, but still¡­ ¡°I¡¯ll be a hometown hero, I guess,¡± Tabitha mused. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± the tall one gave her a weird look. ¡°Me, I¡¯m gonna run a video store. I have it all planned out.¡± ¡°What, like a rental shop?¡± the shorter one asked. ¡°That¡¯s pretty cool.¡± ¡°Yeah, I love movies, so that¡¯s always been my dream.¡± ¡°...Good luck,¡± Tabitha blurted out before she could stop herself. Neither of the boys noticed anything strange about the smile she wore. ¡°Yeah, thanks.¡±
A lifetime ago ¡°Here you are! Voila!¡± A woman with closely cropped salt and pepper hair in a navy blue pantsuit stepped back and gestured towards the large glass display with a theatrical flourish. ¡°Tabitha Moore; hometown hero.¡± ¡°Aww, Sharon¡­ I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha shook her head and gave her boss a nervous smile. ¡°It doesn¡¯t seem very... appropriate?¡± ¡°What¡¯s not appropriate about it? You¡¯re a published author!¡± Sharon exclaimed, rapping a knuckle on the smudged glass. Springton¡¯s Hometown Heroes, the faded letters slipped into the signboard proclaimed, and the prominent glass case contained five different displays. This portion of the town hall normally featured seasonal decorations¡ªbut, in one of the long lulls between notable holidays, Sharon had come up with the idea of honoring the prominent locals residing in their tiny city. Guess that explains why she wanted copies of both Goblina and Goblin Princess, Tabitha sighed, looking at the two paperback novels propped up beside a large, rather unflattering office photo of her that had been printed out. Makes sense, though. For a while there I thought she was actually interested in reading them. Silly me. If she were to be honest, the paperbacks weren¡¯t particularly flattering, either¡ªcartoonish green goblins were baring their teeth on the covers of each of them. She¡¯d never been satisfied with the artist her publisher commissioned, one of the many ongoing problems that had eventually destroyed their unsteady partnership. ¡°A published author¡ªnot a successful author,¡± Tabitha protested weakly. ¡°No one ever read those old things, Sharon. Besides, all the others are, you know¡­ they¡¯re real heroes.¡± The three displays in the middle were very obviously military ones. Service medals were laid out in neat display beside uniformed photos of veterans of the Iraqi war. Placing her photo next to these men and insisting she was the hero felt borderline sacrilegious. ¡°Well. Not everyone can relate to those kind of heroes,¡± Sharon dismissed Tabitha¡¯s concerns with a wave of her hand. ¡°Besides, we have Alicia here, on the other end.¡± ¡°Alicia... Brooks?¡± Tabitha leaned over and read from the placard. A softly smiling African American woman wearing an oversized pair of glasses was featured in a nice portrait on that side of the display. Beside the picture was artwork¡ªin one, inked lines formed sorrowful faces, each bold black scratch and scribble forming understated gestures and figures. In another, the scrawled lines portrayed the naked back of a woman, each muscle and detail, every strand of cascading hair defined in light and shadow and rendered in stunning etched lines. ¡°Our artiste,¡± Sharon said proudly. ¡°She¡¯s drawn pieces for Sports Illustrated, People magazine, and even Playboy!¡± ¡°She lives in Springton?¡± Tabitha asked, enthralled by the artwork. ¡°She¡¯s... working in Chicago right now, but she was still born and raised here,¡± Sharon explained. ¡°I thought you might recognize her¡ªI think you two went to school together?¡± ¡°School?¡± Tabitha echoed, wincing slightly. ¡°Yeah, Springton High¡ªyou both graduated in the class of two thousand and two, right? I thought for sure you¡¯d know her.¡± ¡°I wish I had,¡± Tabitha admitted sheepishly, ¡°I um, I didn¡¯t¡­ talk to people much back then.¡±
This Life ¡°John Stephens.¡± ¡°Here.¡± ¡°Kevin Matthews.¡± ¡°Here!¡± ¡°Elena Seelbaugh?¡± ¡°It¡¯s pronounced ¡®EE-lay-nuh,¡¯ actually.¡± ¡°Sorry about that. You¡¯re here, I take it?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Kiersten Birch?¡± ¡°Here.¡± There¡¯s still so much to do, Tabitha thought to herself, staring vacantly off into space as Mr. Simmons did his first roll-call. She needed to start writing her book. Some source of income, no matter how meager, was also necessary for her to continue surviving. October was also looming closer and closer, and she had no idea what she should do about the approaching calamity. Try as she might, she couldn¡¯t remember what would happen in any more than the most basic details. Police officer shot in the lower park. October of this year. Don¡¯t remember the day. He bleeds out on the way to the hospital¡ªso, he must have been shot somewhere vital? I could prevent it. Somehow. But, directly interfering with what will actually be a fatal shooting incident... isn¡¯t that just asking to get myself killed? Not interfering when she had foreknowledge was probably equivalent to letting the man die, but, how could she prevent it? Providing first-aid after the fact seemed even more helpless for her. I don¡¯t think I can deal with that much blood in person. Should I just stay out of it, after all? ¡°Tabitha Moore?¡± ¡°I¡¯m present,¡± she answered out succinctly in her clear, lovely voice. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
Tabitha Moore?...Isn¡¯t that TUBBY TABBY? Elena was curious and turned her head to see the girl several rows across from her who¡¯d spoken up. Frowning, she discovered instead a slender redhead girl with a bored expression. This ¡®Tabitha Moore¡¯ was gorgeous, one of the handful who could be considered peerless beauties throughout the entire school. Dressed well, wearing tasteful makeup, attention was paid to her hair¡ªbut she wasn¡¯t actively scoping out the rest of the class. She wasn¡¯t feigning sleepiness, wasn¡¯t fidgeting, wasn¡¯t sneaking looks at the boys, and she wasn¡¯t presenting herself in a social way, or making any effort to build a rapport with anyone. This redhead didn¡¯t even seem to be posturing¡ªshe really came off as entirely indifferent to their class. What, think you¡¯re too good for us? Elena looked at this Tabitha Moore again with distaste. Same color hair as Tabby. Same name. But¡­ it can¡¯t be her, right? When attendance was taken and Mr. Simmons was passing out the syllabus packet and a worksheet for them, Elena took initiative to lean over and call out. ¡°Hey, Tabitha¡ªare you Tubby Tabby? From Laurel Middle?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha turned to face her, not seeming irked in the slightest by her old moniker being brought to light. ¡°That¡¯s me. Have we met?¡± Yeah, right¡­ That reflexive scoff died in her throat, however, when Elena realized with surprise that there was absolutely no recognition in the girl¡¯s expression. What the hell? Elena always considered herself one of the elite of Laurel L Manu Middle School. She hit her growth spurt before everyone else, came into her boobs before the other girls. She knew how to dress well, how to wear makeup, and didn¡¯t ever take shit from any of the other bitches there. Elena had assumed her popularity made her well-known, that everyone was familiar with her name, or at least aware of her. Guess¡­ not? ¡°Uhh, I¡¯m Elena Seelbaugh? We¡¯ve had classes together before...?¡± Elena said, racking her brain and trying to recall if she¡¯d ever directly bullied this girl back then. She¡¯d certainly seen others making fun of her, and definitely laughed along with them¡ªbut had they ever actually interacted individually? ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tabitha smiled at her. ¡°I don¡¯t remember you.¡± Indignant, Elena was just about to give her a sarcastic retort when Tabitha continued. ¡°I hit my head, right before our middle school finals,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I don¡¯t know if you heard about that. So many names and faces feel familiar, but I still have trouble connecting them all.¡± That¡¯s right! Elena looked shocked. She did remember that, because Tubby Tabby¡ªTubby Tabby the trailer trash girl¡ªhad waddled into class one day back then with a weird head injury, looking even more unkempt than usual¡ªalmost like a zombie. They¡¯d all snickered about it, joking that she was going to be put into the special ed class when she got to Springton High. ¡°Right! Yeah, I remember,¡± Elena admitted, eyes widening. ¡°Just¡ªyou, uhh, you look so different! I almost didn¡¯t recognize you!¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha gave her an actual apologetic smile that stunned Elena. ¡°I¡ª¡± ¡°C¡¯mon now, save the chit-chatting for after class, you two,¡± Mr. Simmons called out.
Although the deluge of attention to her now was unexpected, several classes through her first day of high school, Tabitha thought things were going very well. The coursework was vaguely familiar, and, as she¡¯d expected, it only took a little bit of brushing up to refresh her memory on some of the subjects. The textbooks distributed to her were an unnecessary burden, in her eyes¡ªthick, heavy monstrosities, last vestigial remnants of the era before digitalization, but the subjects themselves wouldn¡¯t pose any problem.. Dozens of students had introduced themselves to her, apparently based on her new appearance alone, which was both startling and well outside of what she¡¯d anticipated. While the handsome young men seemed rather well-assured of their own unerring charm, in her eyes... they were still thirty years or so too young for her interest. In some ways, they were children merely masquerading around in the freshly ripened bodies of fledgeling adults. At the same time, Tabitha wasn¡¯t able to look down on them. This was her second try on this, and even then, she didn¡¯t feel wiser or more mature than them by an enormous margin¡ª just a small one. She thoroughly considered her first life a miserable failure, so she couldn¡¯t bring herself to look down on any of these teens.
Alicia hated high school so far. She didn¡¯t sit near anyone she knew from Fairfield middle, and those that did would rarely give her more than a passing glance, anyways. Making new friends was absolutely the worst, most aggravating experience she could think of, and it didn¡¯t help that most of the school was made up of white kids. Her parents¡¯ idea of Springton High being a better choice than Fairfield high just because it mostly consisted of white kids was, in fact, fundamentally racist. She¡¯d planned on taking an ¡®eccentric and artsy¡¯ identity for this new school experience. However, looking in the mirror just this morning at the ¡®artsy¡¯ look she¡¯d done up¡­ it felt so contrived and fake that she wasn¡¯t comfortable with it. Instead, she was blending in with the background, as always. Hair pulled tight into a bun, glasses, polo shirt, jeans. I¡¯m just the bland, black girl extra again in this scene, too. No, I don¡¯t have a speaking part. Don¡¯t mind me. She kept her sketchbook out on her desk, the pad as much a security blanket as anything else she owned, and hid herself away in her efforts to draw. Anything rather than meeting her new classmates, really. Unfortunately, between the anxiety of being in a new place, being surrounded by fellow teens, and a growing, untraceable frustration, all she had were senseless scribbles. Inspiration was especially elusive today¡ªshe had a page and a half of random cross-hatching, a few floating eyes with eyebrows hovering above them in the blank white void of her paper, and some random cube shapes. Thankfully, it was all almost over¡ªthis was their last class of the day, and it was almost time to be back on the bus and off home to her parents, who would demand to know how great her day was, how many friends she made, what classes she liked, and so on and so forth. She couldn¡¯t help but make a sour face at the thought of running through that particular gauntlet, and her mood darkened even more. ¡°Hello!¡± A pretty white girl with red hair said, interrupting Alicia¡¯s thoughts. ¡°Hi¡­?¡± Alicia looked up in surprise. ¡°My name¡¯s Tabitha,¡± the girl smiled at her, looking pleased to see her. ¡°I noticed your sketchbook¡ªdo you draw?¡± ¡°A little,¡± Alicia sat up straighter, now on alert. Upon closer inspection, this wasn¡¯t just any pretty white girl. This was the pretty white girl, a thought driven home by the fact that all the guys in class were still discreetly watching her right now. She was young, thin, had a fairy-like face, perfect red hair, and was wearing a cool top¡ªWhere¡¯d she even get that? Looks expensive. ¡°If it¡¯s not too much trouble, do you have any drawings I could take a look at?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°I¡¯m starting a large project soon, and I¡¯m very much in need of a talented artist.¡± ¡°Uhh¡­ I¡¯m a no one,¡± Alicia refused, trying to casually cover today¡¯s awful doodles with her hands while she spoke. ¡°This is just for fun. I can barely draw anything.¡± ¡°I very much doubt that,¡± Tabitha laughed, a lovely sound. There was a strange, knowing look in her eyes. ¡°If you ever change your mind, will you please come find me? I¡¯m very interested in your work.¡± What was that? Alicia couldn¡¯t help but stare as Tabitha wandered back towards her seat and all the boys immediately pretended they hadn¡¯t been ogling her. I don¡¯t¡­ think she was trying to tease me, or bully me, or anything? But, why come up and talk to me, of all people? Oh, well, Alicia returned to resting her cheek on her hand and scribbling geometric shapes as she waited for the final bell to ring. She¡¯ll probably never even talk to me again, anyways.
¡°Well, how was it, then?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, a hint of irritation apparent in her voice already. Tabitha had come home from school without so much as greeting her. Instead, her daughter had traipsed right on over to the trailer¡¯s bathroom. The door was open, and she peered into the small enclosure to check on her daughter¡ªher new daughter, the slight-figured and pretty one she struggled to recognize. ¡°How was your first day of school?¡± Tabitha was a whole new daughter, ever since the day she¡¯d come home from the hospital after that head injury. Qualities Mrs. Moore hadn¡¯t ever thought the girl possessed were focused, sharpened to a point and thrust into a relentless drive that Mrs. Moore didn¡¯t understand at all. She wanted to be happy for her¡ªher daughter was a stunning little beauty now, and just over a little bit more than a single summer¡ªbut more than anything, she wanted to feel like a mother again. ¡°Everything was copacetic,¡± Tabitha reported. The red-head girl was sitting on the edge of the bathtub working on something, now wearing only her jeans and a bra. Somehow now even her posture seemed graceful, like someone out of a renaissance painting. ¡°Copacetic, huh?¡± Mrs. Moore frowned. ¡°What¡¯re you up to, then?¡± ¡°Grandma Laurie and I made this blouse,¡± Tabitha replied, gently rubbing along fabric laid carefully in the long basin of cool water. ¡°Out of a dress, from the thrift store. It¡¯s very lovely, but it was never intended for casual wear. It will need a lot of special care and attention if I want to continue to wear it every week.¡± ¡°Sounds just like the new Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Moore muttered. Emotions roiled through the mother as she stood in the bathroom door. Resentment, at their current relationship, that Tabitha always chose to spend time with her grandmother, rather than her. Annoyance, at the flippant way Tabitha treated her now. Envy. No¡ªnot envy. She¡¯s just a little girl. She¡¯s MY little girl. ¡°That¡¯s an astute connection to make,¡± Tabitha remarked, looking up at her mother in surprise. ¡°It isn¡¯t easy... you know?¡± Tabitha held her gaze for several long seconds before turning her attention back to the garment she was carefully hand-washing, and Mrs. Shannon Moore¡¯s discomfort intensified. Over the summer they¡¯d been at constant loggerheads, and something about this felt like they were forcefully trying to have a civil conversation for once. She was alarmed at how frightened she was of messing things up here. ¡°...Why?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, leaning against the door frame. There was only the sound of Tabitha displacing water for a while as Tabitha drew the blouse out of the water and turned it over. Her cute brow was furrowed, and the girl seemed at a loss as how to answer for once. ¡°Why, Tabitha?¡± ¡°Would you care to elaborate on your question?¡± Tabitha asked, an edge appearing in her voice. ¡°Why, what?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t sass me right now,¡± Mrs. Moore warned. ¡°Why are you always doing all of this? Nothing you ever do is normal, anymore! Ever since the hospital.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha seemed to chuckle to herself. ¡°You mean that. I¡¯ve been waiting all summer for you to ask me that.¡± ¡°Well?¡± ¡°The answer¡¯s in a box at the top of your closet. In a blue album.¡± Shock, anger, and then humiliation rolled across Mrs. Moore¡¯s expression, and she opened her mouth to berate her daughter for the invasion of privacy and blatant disrespect, but couldn¡¯t quite find the words. No. She couldn¡¯t have. She didn¡¯t. She¡ª ¡°I¡¯m old enough to understand why you kept it from me,¡± Tabitha said slowly, pulling her towel down from the bar on the wall to carefully dry her hands. ¡°If I hadn¡¯t stolen into your room and found your secret, I wouldn¡¯t have known any better for another two years. When Daddy stops you from throwing the album out.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a secret, Tabitha!¡± Mrs. Moore yelled, her temper exploding out. ¡°I didn¡¯t want this¡ªI just, I can¡¯t, okay? How dare you go into my personal things without any permission, how dare you¡ª¡± ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I dare?¡± Tabitha challenged, rising up from the edge of the tub. ¡°You don¡¯t have to tell me that it¡¯s my fault. I know that it is. I know that having me made you lose your figure¡ªmade you give up on how you look. I know you wanted to do more with your life than simply settle, and settle in a trashy fucking trailer park like this, of all places. But, you had me. And, I fucked up your life.¡± Mrs. Moore backed up into the wall of the hallway, startled tears of anguish rolling unbidden down her face. All the bitter and hateful thoughts she¡¯d swallowed down over the years were unhidden all at once like an exposed nerve, and it hurt. She hated the way she felt, hated herself, and knowing Tabitha somehow understood everything from just those last few old photographs she¡¯d been unable to part with? It made her more ashamed of herself than she¡¯d ever imagined possible. She sunk to the floor, crying hard enough into her hands to shake, covering her face and shaking her head. Regret and remorse flowed out of her in racking sobs as she completely collapsed, unable to keep up a stern face or motherly pretense. She sees right through me. Right through me. ¡°But, now I know, Mom,¡± Tabitha said, crossing to where her mother blocked the hallway and crouching down to take her by the shoulders. ¡°And now¡ªI¡¯m going to unfuck everything. I just need you to give me some time.¡±
Waiting outside on the grimy concrete steps up into the trailer, Tabitha was surprised to see Grandma Laurie arrive in Uncle Danny¡¯s old car. Well. It¡¯s not his old car YET, I suppose. In the next couple years, she remembered the thing would be here to stay with the Moores for good, up on cinderblocks and out of commission. Which means Uncle Danny¡¯s probably getting convicted soon, Tabitha realized, noticing that the little faces of her cousins were peering out the car windows with interest as the car parked in front of her double-wide. I didn¡¯t really get to know them, back then. Should I¡­ say something to them? Warn the boys? ¡°What happened?¡± her grandmother asked, the moment she opened the door. ¡°Is she okay?¡± ¡°We had our... confrontation,¡± Tabitha explained, stepping forward to dutifully hug her grandmother. ¡°The big one, I think. I¡¯m really sorry for calling you over like this.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, it¡¯s fine,¡± Grandma Laurie gave her a quick squeeze. ¡°It¡¯s just¡ªI have the boys, today¡­¡± ¡°I can look after them,¡± Tabitha promised, gesturing for her cousins to get out of the car. ¡°We¡¯ll put a movie on, and I can make dinner for everyone. Do they have homework?¡± ¡°Not that they¡¯ve told me,¡± Grandma Laurie rolled her eyes. ¡°Where is she? C¡¯mon, boys, inside.¡± ¡°I gave her a sedative, and put her in bed,¡± Tabitha explained, ushering them all up inside the mobile home. ¡°She isn¡¯t asleep yet, though. Can you¡­?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll talk with her,¡± Grandma Laurie assured her, turning to throw the cousins a stern look. ¡°You boys all be on your best behavior here, I mean it.¡± ¡°What¡¯d you do?¡± Sam asked, looking at Tabitha in bewilderment as their grandmother disappeared into the back room of the trailer. As the oldest, over the summer Sam had grown a half-head taller than his three brothers awkwardly milling about the tidy living room. Although all of the boys were in a perpetual state of conflict with one another, they were uncharacteristically obedient today while in Tabitha¡¯s home. ¡°What was the emergency?¡± ¡°I had a fight with my mother,¡± Tabitha explained, sliding a tray of VHS tapes out from beneath the couch. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for dragging all of you over here. Sam, can you pick out a movie to watch?¡± ¡°You fought your mom?¡± Nick asked incredulously, looking around as if he expected to see broken glass and trashed furnishings from such a battle. ¡°...Is she okay?¡± ¡°Women fight each other with their words, not their fists,¡± Tabitha sighed, crossing over into the kitchen and pulling that unwanted pack of hot dogs she¡¯d been longing to get rid of out of the freezer. ¡°It winds up more damaging than physical violence, really. You¡¯ll understand someday.¡± ¡°Ew,¡± Aiden objected. ¡°Those are the big gross hot dogs. We¡¯re not eating those.¡± ¡°They¡¯re only gross because they don¡¯t have any texture or flavor,¡± Tabitha explained, putting two tablespoons of sesame oil onto her skillet and tilting it back and forth until the oil spread across the basin. She turning on the stovetop. ¡°Joshua, could you turn on the television, but lower the volume? The VCR works on channel three.¡± ¡°Why¡¯d you fight your mom?¡± Sam asked, more interested in that than any of the Moore family¡¯s small VHS collection¡ªall of their movies were recorded from television onto blank cassettes, four or five to a tape, with the titles handwritten onto labels on the side. ¡°Won¡¯t you get in trouble?¡± ¡°She... hid something very important from me, for a very long time,¡± Tabitha said, looking a little troubled. She sawed the frozen jumbo hot dogs into quarter-inch medallions with a serrated knife, and then prepared a mixture of brown sugar and soy sauce to pan-sear them in, to give the pieces of meat some texture. Then, I can use up the last of that beef base to soak them in, while I put the noodles on. That¡¯ll be just about the last of the old pantry cleared out. ¡°She tried to hide it from herself, too. But, doing that was only ever going to make her unhappy.¡± ¡°What¡¯d she hide?¡± Nick couldn¡¯t help but ask. ¡°You¡¯ll be able to see it... once I¡¯m able to reveal it to you,¡± Tabitha answered cryptically. Mom¡¯s weight gain plateaued when I took over all the meal preparation, but she¡¯s not going to actually lose weight until I can wean her off sugars completely. I¡¯m sure everything else with her is going to become a struggle, too. Ugh... ¡°I¡¯m a part of it,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Did you notice how much I changed over the summer?¡± ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re like¡ª almost a whole complete different girl than you was,¡± Nick said. ¡°Than you were,¡± Tabitha corrected, gingerly placing medallions onto the skillet one by one. ¡°How is school going for all of you, by the way? Today was my first day.¡± ¡°Starting our second week,¡± Sam said, drumming his fingertips across the countertop as he watched her cook. ¡°It¡¯s alright, I guess. The playground at recess is way better than the one at the park.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not,¡± Nick retorted. ¡°It totally sucks.¡± ¡°It sucks,¡± Joshua agreed. ¡°Did everyone like, totally freak out when they saw you?¡± Aiden asked Tabitha with a fair amount of anticipation. ¡°At school.¡± ¡°No¡ªwhy would they?¡± Tabitha laughed, giving him a strange look over the counter. ¡°You¡¯re like, totally different!¡± Aiden exclaimed indignantly. ¡°You were fat and boring, and now you¡¯re like, uh¡­ it¡¯s like from the ugly duckling to a ha¡ª uh, the swan, you know?¡± ¡°They do treat me differently,¡± Tabitha mused. ¡°I¡¯m not really sure what to make of that, yet. The reaction you were hoping for wasn¡¯t going to happen, though.¡± ¡°What? Why not?¡± ¡°Because no one cared who I was, or even ever noticed,¡± Tabitha said, pressing the medallions down onto the skillet with her tongs until they sizzled loudly. ¡°When you¡¯re fat, ugly, poor, or you¡¯re fat, or smell bad, have no confidence, aren¡¯t attractive, when you¡¯re fat¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re saying fat more than once,¡± Sam pointed out. ¡°As I should,¡± Tabitha muttered. ¡°My point is¡ªno one ever cared about me, and that hurt. Deeply. I can deal with not having close friends, I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m used to it. But, when no one cares about you, when you go to school with a concussion and no one gives a damn, when you realize no one will miss you when you¡¯re gone, fuck, no one would even notice¡­¡± The boys exchanged glances before finally looking back at Tabitha, but none of them interrupted her. ¡°Sorry. Well. It starts to really affect you. Now that I¡¯ve changed, people are actually just first starting to notice me. It¡¯s still shallow¡ªI know it¡¯s an appearances thing, that it doesn¡¯t have any real meaning¡­ but, it¡¯s a start?¡± ¡°I think you¡¯re really cool,¡± Joshua said helpfully. ¡°You can do flips, and wall-walk and stuff. And, you always play with us. Aren¡¯t we like your friends?¡± ¡°Hah, you are not my friends,¡± Tabitha chuckled, starting to flip the medallions. ¡°You¡¯re my cousins¡ªyou¡¯re family. You¡¯re friends I can¡¯t get rid of, even if I want to.¡± 7: The goblin artist. To her surprise, Alicia found that not only did Tabitha remember their conversation, the red-headed school belle of Springton High actively sought her out during lunch period the very next day. She was wearing another gorgeous top, this time an asymmetrical light blue blouse with only one shoulder¡ªthe neckline scooped down under her right arm at a diagonal over her chest, decorated with flowered white embroidery.
¡°Alicia! I¡¯m Tabitha. I¡¯m not sure if you remember me, from yesterday?¡± Tabitha began, standing hopefully beside the lunch table Alicia was sitting at. ¡°Uh¡­ yeah, I remember,¡± Alicia said. Against her better judgement, she courteously moved her backpack off of the adjacent chair, so Tabitha could sit down. Are you being sarcastic with me? Take a glance around. There¡¯s like, a dozen guys scoping you out right now. ¡°Oh, thank you,¡± Tabitha said, taking a seat beside her. ¡°Can I ask where you got that shirt?¡± Alicia blurted out before she could help herself. Stupid, stupid. Probably some rich white girl boutique at the mall. ¡°This?¡± Tabitha looked down at her chest in surprise. ¡°It¡¯s a bridesmaid gown. My grandmother and I¡¯ve been pulling apart dresses from Salvation Army. We turn them into blouses like this. Everything beneath the bust was cut off of this one, and then split it into sections. That way, we could still use the trim of the dress, as the shirt hem. Here, like this.¡± Tabitha leaned back in her seat and held out the hem of her shirt so that Alicia could see that same embroidered floral design circled the girl at the bottom. ¡°Wait¡ªdid you say you got this from Salvation Army?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha gave her a knowing smile. ¡°I think there were still two more of the matching bridesmaid dresses up on the racks there, too. Seven dollars each.¡± ¡°Seven dollars¡­?!¡± ¡°Did you happen to bring any of your artwork, today?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia admitted, pulling a small portfolio out of her bag. ¡°Here.¡± I had my sketchbook with me yesterday, too. I just¡­ didn¡¯t think you actually wanted to see it. Carefully opening the faux-leather portfolio, Tabitha laid it out and began examining each of Alicia¡¯s best drawings. After a few moments of study, the redhead set a notebook on the lunch table beside the portfolio¡ªand began taking notes. The girl steadily made her way page by page through Alicia¡¯s artwork, carefully flipping each of the plastic-sheathed drawings and then jotting down a series of thoughts. The hell? Alicia had been drawing for most of her life, and she knew she was talented. She¡¯d proudly shown off her burgeoning collection of finished pieces dozens of times, and almost always she got the same sort of responses from people. Ooohs and aaahs, some smiles, and then some politely-worded praise or expectations for her bright future. That¡¯s what Alicia expected when she¡¯d presented the portfolio here; for the girl to flatter her and otherwise tell her how gosh darn impressed she was. Instead, the lovely girl was staring at each of her drawings one by one with a strange sort of intense focus, as if she was looking for something, something in particular. Tabitha was so intent on the drawings, in fact, she seemed to have lost track of everything around her. In that moment, Alicia Brooks found the strange urge to do a quick sketch of this girl¡¯s expression. It¡¯s like she¡¯s looking THROUGH the drawing, trying to make out something more. She¡¯s peering into the abyss. In any case, Tabitha seemed to be finding plenty, and Alicia couldn¡¯t help but peer over the girl¡¯s shoulder to see what she was writing.
5, figure study, female excellent posture good expression shaded, uses same light source as previous figure studies! no background
6, figure study, female ? angle view excellent cloth detail! no expression shaded, uses same light source again background: vanishing point and line
7, figure study, partial female face and hands size difference implies depth of field! excellent expression shading uses same light source again no background
¡°Uh¡­ what are you doing?¡± Alicia couldn¡¯t help but ask. ¡°Were you assigned to do critiques for some class¡­?¡± ¡°Oh! No, I¡¯m so sorry,¡± Tabitha hastily apologized. ¡°Your work¡¯s phenomenal! I wanted to remember a few of these for reference later on. Do you have copies of any of these?¡± ¡°Look, what do you want me to draw?¡± Alicia asked, still bewildered. ¡°You don¡¯t have to say all that. I can do whatever it is you want drawn, when I have some time. I¡¯ve been in kind of a slump anyways, haven¡¯t had inspiration.¡± ¡°I want you to draw¡­¡± Tabitha hesitated, giving Alicia a guilty look. ¡°Many, many things. I¡¯m preparing a large project, and I need a lot of help.¡± ¡°A school project?¡± ¡°More of¡­ a life project. I¡¯d like to propose a partnership,¡± Tabitha announced, settling a thick binder on top of her notebook. ¡°In a project I¡¯ve been planning for... some time now.¡± ¡°Uh,¡± Alicia blinked. ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°May I go on?¡± ¡°Yeah. Sure.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been preparing material that I¡¯ll be writing into a fantasy story. It has a unique setting, and I have many, many ideas... but I want to collaborate with a capable artist, to help realize and improve upon all of them.¡± ¡°You¡¯re writing a book. And, you want¡­ concept art?¡± ¡°It may not have to be limited to just a novel. Illustrations could become storyboards, for an animated project, or even a film, someday.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°Okay? You¡¯re interested?¡± ¡°Um. No, I don¡¯t know, yet. I mean, okay; keep talking.¡± ¡°Alright, my first project is called Goblina. In the story, everyone has magic, but everyone who isn¡¯t able to use magic becomes deformed by it. They¡¯re considered goblins, and either cast out of society to live like savages, or they become slaves and servants. If you¡¯re a goblin, there¡¯s no way to escape a life of servitude and total inferiority, no way to oppose the Magi.¡± ¡°Right. Magi. So, obviously, your story is actually about someone opposing and then overcoming them,¡± Alicia deduced. ¡°Exactly!¡± Tabitha beamed. ¡°It¡¯s the most suggestive theme I can sell to a young adult audience. I want to use allegory to illustrate the struggle of taking that final step of personal growth out of your parents¡¯ influence to stand on your own as a person.¡± ¡°Uh¡­ wow,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°Is it no good?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s just¡ªthat¡¯s a lot to take in, all at once,¡± Alicia said, not wanting to admit she didn¡¯t know exactly what ¡®allegory¡¯ meant. I know what ALLEGATION means, thanks to dear old President Clinton, but¡­ ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s¡­ more and more complicated, the deeper you get into it,¡± Tabitha admitted, patting the binder full of notes she¡¯d organized with a guilty look. ¡°I have pages and pages of rules on how magic works, and the way the Mage¡¯s society and culture fits together, and... a lot of other things.¡± ¡°Oh! I¡¯m not going to dump all of the exposition on the reader like that, though,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°Our protagonist will be the lowest of the low¡ª beneath the slaves, even. Everyone refers to her as a goblin. She starts with nothing, and we learn bits and pieces of everything along the way as she does. By the end, clever readers will be able to piece it all together, but it should still be a compelling story, even for those who don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Okay, the main character. She¡¯s a goblin?¡± Alicia asked, trying to figure out what Tabitha wanted drawn. ¡°What¡¯s she like?¡± ¡°She¡¯s me,¡± Tabitha said, giving Alicia a slightly embarrassed look. ¡°She¡¯s, uh. She¡¯s always been me. I¡¯m the goblin. I¡¯ve always been the goblin.¡± The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°You¡¯re the goblin,¡± Alicia repeated, giving the beautiful redhead an incredulous look. ¡°In the story, you¡¯re the goblin, and you triumph over all these Magi?¡± ¡°I¡­ I will,¡± Tabitha gave her a strange look of resolve, for some reason, further confounding Alicia. ¡°This time, I will for sure.¡± Sounds terrible, Alicia somehow stopped herself from making a face. Like YOU of all people need some self-insert power fantasy, where you impress everyone and save the day. ¡°It¡¯s neat and everything, but I¡¯m probably gonna pass,¡± Alicia turned her down as diplomatically as she could. ¡°I¡¯m not really into all that kind of stuff.¡± ¡°Oh. I¡­ yeah, that¡¯s fine. I totally understand. Would you want to¡­ be friends, instead?¡± Tabitha asked, in what seemed a lot to Alicia like a shy voice. ¡°I think it¡¯d be really cool to hang out with someone my own age, for once.¡± Of course you don¡¯t hang out with people your age. For a moment, Alicia couldn¡¯t help but imagine this sophisticated-looking redhead climbing into the car of some college-age boyfriend that she surely had. Going to busy house parties, or bustling nightclubs, whatever it was girls like her did with their nights. Are there even clubs anywhere near Springton? ¡°I can¡¯t tell if you¡¯re messing with me or not,¡± Alicia answered carefully. ¡°Messing with you?¡± Tabitha looked surprised. ¡°No, I¡¯m not. Not at all. Was it a weird thing to ask?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Alicia answered honestly. ¡°Why would you want to be friends with me?¡± Is this part of your rich white girl fantasy, having a black friend as your little sidekick? I don¡¯t know you, I don¡¯t WANT to know you, and I¡¯m not comfortable around girls that are like you. ¡°I feel like we could be¡­ something like kindred spirits,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Hometown heroes.¡± ¡°Hometown heroes,¡± Alicia repeated in disbelief. She¡¯d had no idea what to expect from this conversation anymore, and found herself completely bewildered. ¡°What does that even mean?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha gave her a laugh and an exasperated shrug. ¡°I never really knew. It means us, I guess?¡± ¡°Has anyone ever told you that you¡¯re an extremely strange individual?¡± Alicia asked, trying not to lose her cool. Does she think her little quirky act is cute? Does it make all her normal friends laugh and fawn all over her? ¡°No,¡± Tabitha said, looking down. ¡°I¡­ um. Yeah, I shouldn¡¯t have said that. Sorry, that was a weird thing to say. If you ever want to talk, or hang out, or show me your drawings or anything, I hide myself in the library, every lunch period. Corner table. Sorry for taking up your time.¡± ¡°Yeah, bye,¡± Alicia muttered to herself, watching Tabitha gather her things and get up from the table. What the hell is her deal? I never bought into high schools having that stereotypical social strata thing going on... but there are exceptions, and she definitely has to be one of them. Tabitha¡¯s the prom queen type, I¡¯m sure she¡¯s gonna wind up head cheerleader or something¡ªbut she¡¯s pretending she¡¯s not. What¡¯s her sudden fixation with me? Why fantasy nonsense with magic and goblins? Does she think I¡¯m a geek because I draw, or something?
¡°Tabitha Moore? Didja know they used to call her Tubby Tabby?¡± Cheek resting in her palm, Alicia was gazing out the window, daydreaming, when she heard her classmates talking. It had been several days since that unusual talk with Tabitha, and she''d almost put it out of her mind. Snapping out of her reverie, Alicia glanced over at the other students. Three girls had turned away from the rest of the class and were caught up in their own conversation. Alicia turned her attention to her sketchbook, scribbling out a doodle as she listened in. ¡°Why, was she fat?¡± ¡°She was so fat. Apparently, she went and got lipo over the summer. I guess she used to be like, two hundred pounds heavier, back in middle school?¡± ¡°Two hundred pounds? Christ. Did she go to Springton Middle?¡± ¡°Nah, I think I heard it was Laurel. Carrie used to have class with her, she said Tabby was basically the class retard.¡± ¡°Haha, nice. So, what, her parents bought her lipo and a nose-job? Damn, wish my parents were rich. Must be nice.¡± ¡°Next time you see her, be all like, how¡¯s it goin¡¯, Tubby Tabby? Bet she hates that.¡± ¡°She should¡¯ve had them put all the fat they took out back into her boobs. I heard you can do that?¡± ¡°Damn, really? That¡¯s dumb of her, then, ¡®cause for how all high and mighty she¡¯s always acting, she¡¯s just basic now, you know? She¡¯s not all that.¡± ¡°Well, you gotta consider she used to be all fat hog. I¡¯d want all of the fat out for good, too, if I was like that.¡± ¡°Not me. I¡¯d put it in my boobs.¡± ¡°Betcha I know why she¡¯s nowhere to be seen ¡®round lunchtime. You know¡ªshe¡¯s gotta be all blueergh!¡± ¡°Hey, gotta keep the pounds off somehow, right? Haha.¡± ¡°Bleeeurgh!¡± Lunchtime? Alicia glanced up to see that one of the girls was leaning forward over her desk, miming a finger down her throat to induce vomiting. Wasn¡¯t Tabitha supposedly hiding out in the library? ¡°Cut it out, that¡¯s so gross. I heard when you do that, your breath¡¯s permanently like, puke-breath. Is it really so hard to just not eat garbage all the time?¡± They were freshman girls, and Alicia wasn¡¯t particularly surprised to hear them being catty... but it did pique her curiosity once she realized they were talking about Tabitha. Which was fine. Alicia didn¡¯t particularly like that girl, either. Oddly enough, though, there was no mention of Tabitha being eccentric, or pursuing strange interests¡ªtopics that Alicia felt would have bubbled to the surface of their gossip right away. ...Have any of these girls ever even spoken to Tabitha?
Later that day, Alicia found herself wandering away from the direction of the lunch line and over to the hall that lead down towards the library. She wasn¡¯t that hungry, and the routine of waiting in line, getting her food, and finding a place to eat was starting to feel mechanical already, and they were still only in their first week of school. Springton High¡¯s library center was large, the center area consisting of a small computer lab next to a series of long tables for students to sit at, which were flanked in all directions by tall rows of bookshelves. True to her word, Tabitha was hiding at the corner table behind a comical pile of books that had to be at over a foot high. The only other students in the library were a few kids playing Oregon trail or solitaire on the computers. ¡°Oh, hi!¡± Tabitha seemed to light up upon seeing her come in, and she slid a small pile of books to the side and out of the way. ¡°You came!¡± There was something off between Tabitha¡¯s image and how she acted. She was putting off a friendly vibe, but it didn¡¯t quite have any of the confidence Alicia would have expected to it. With a twinge of guilt, Alicia had to wonder how many of the rumors flying around about this girl were based entirely on everyone¡¯s preconceptions. ¡°Hi,¡± Alicia said, casually striding over. None of the books on the table looked like fantasy novels. ¡°You really were hiding in here. Reading¡­ uh¡­ the 1996 Emergency Response Guidebook? And, this here... Law enforcement field guide? Practice and Procedure; the Police Operational Handbook?¡± ¡°Er¡­ yeah,¡± Tabitha looked guilty. ¡°I was doing a little bit of research.¡± ¡°On what?¡± Alicia asked incredulously. ¡°If someone got hurt, and I had access to a police radio, I¡¯ll know how to call it in,¡± Tabitha tried to explain. ¡°You know. Just in case.¡± ¡°...Wouldn¡¯t the police officer normally do that?¡± Alicia gave the girl a strange look. ¡°I think they keep their radios like, on them. All the time. They have that little shoulder thing?¡± ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°That would be ideal, yes. Silly of me.¡± ¡°Did you give up on your fantasy novel idea already?¡± Alicia asked. She seems so¡­ flighty? Maybe she just doesn¡¯t have a whole lot of common sense, and she latches onto these ideas of hers in a weird way. I think there¡¯s a name for people who¡¯re like that. ¡°I¡­ haven¡¯t given up,¡± Tabitha said with some difficulty. ¡°It¡¯s just. I can¡¯t focus, lately. At all. There¡¯s too much going on.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± Alicia slid out the chair opposite Tabitha, and decided to take a seat. Hot white girl problems? All these people talking about you behind your back? ¡°I think¡­ no, I¡¯m sure that my uncle is going to be sentenced to prison in the near future,¡± Tabitha began. ¡°His children¡ªmy cousins, I spend a lot of time with them, and I like to think they look up to me. I don¡¯t know what I can do for them, but at the same time, I can¡¯t stand standing by and doing nothing.¡± Huh, Alicia thought, surprised. THAT certainly came out of nowhere. ¡°Also... my mother and I haven¡¯t actually spoken to each other, since the first day of school. We had an argument. I don¡¯t know what to do about that at all, either. Then, there¡¯s this¡­ uh. Thing happening, in October, and I can¡¯t stop stressing out over it.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Alicia said, unsure of what else to say. Definitely wasn¡¯t expecting all that. ¡°But, I¡¯m not giving up on the story, either,¡± Tabitha affirmed, straightening up in her seat. ¡°It¡¯s important to me, too. I just haven¡¯t been making much real progress.¡± ¡°Can I ask you a totally random question?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°Is it true that you got liposuction over the summer?¡± ¡°No, it isn¡¯t,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Someone must have noticed my weight loss? I was a little over fifty pounds heavier, earlier this same year.¡± ¡°But, you didn¡¯t get lipo?¡± ¡°Of course not,¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°Liposuction isn¡¯t for dramatic weight loss¡ªit¡¯s more of a cosmetic surgery. They usually only remove about four to six pounds at any one time. Adjusting your eating habits is far more effective. As far as I know, there aren¡¯t any surgeons who¡¯ll accept patients for liposuction before they¡¯ve finished puberty, anyways, and regardless I¡¯m sure those procedures wouldn¡¯t be covered under my father¡¯s insurance.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Alicia blinked. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Really. I changed my diet in a significant way,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°My summer was¡­ extraordinarily active. I had to change, I really had to. I take it you¡¯ve heard what they used to call me?¡± ¡°Yeah, I did hear about that,¡± Alicia chuckled uneasily. ¡°Girls can be mean, huh?¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t hearing Tubby Tabby, that hurt,¡± Tabitha fidgeted with her tall stack of books, and then leaned forward to rest her chin on it. She didn¡¯t raise her eyes to meet Alicia. ¡°Not that much. I was tubby, they were right about that. That was only the beginning, though. As time went on, someone started calling me... a goblin. More than that, I felt like they¡ªwell, a lot of people¡ªactually began treating me like I wasn¡¯t even human anymore.¡± ¡°Oh. Oh,¡± Alicia mouthed. ¡°So, your story you¡¯re writing¡ª¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha nodded weakly. ¡°Like I said; I¡¯m the goblin.¡± That makes things a bit different, now, doesn¡¯t it? Alicia thought to herself. At first, it felt a little too far-fetched for this knockout beauty to insist she was the goblin underdog. But, then again, she was holed up here in the library away from everyone else, and her white girl peers did seem to all be pretty rotten. Laying her sketchpad on the library table, Alicia produced a pen and drew a hasty rectangle, a little wider at the bottom then the top. The pile of books; she could pencil in the specifics later on. Then, the oval of Tabitha¡¯s face, framed within a quick triangle that loosely represented shoulders slumping on either side. Maybe Goblinna or whatever could be kinda cool. The drawing took definition inside those basic shapes as Alicia filled everything in with finer detail. Each subtle curl of her hair that fell over her face, the delicate curve of her eyebrow, the way her eyes seemed to tighten at some past memory, that slight, despondent turn that was the profile of her cheek down towards her lip¡­ features scrawled into existence one by one with every steady flourish of Alicia¡¯s pencil. ¡°Ta-da,¡± Alicia finally said, spinning her sketchbook around to face Tabitha and sliding it over. ¡°There. I drew your goblin.¡± ¡°She¡¯s... beautiful,¡± Tabitha said, raising her head in surprise and then admiring it with a wistful smile. ¡°It¡¯s so¡­ somber. Almost tragic. I wish I looked like that.¡± ¡°You do look like that,¡± Alicia scoffed, taking her sketchbook back and comparing it to Tabitha again. ¡°If I¡¯m gonna be your concept artist, then you can¡¯t go dissing my artwork.¡±

8: When what she doesnt know will hurt her. In Tabitha¡¯s first few weeks at school, she¡¯d already begun to question her initial goals. I knew, in an OBJECTIVE way, that simply being thin and pretty weren¡¯t all it took to make a bunch of friends. But, I guess it really is completely different when you¡¯re experiencing it firsthand. She realized now that in her past life, she¡¯d associated all of her high school problems with her low-self-esteem and poor body image. Subconsciously, some part of her had attributed her past life¡¯s social estrangement and loneliness entirely to her weight and appearance¡ªbut several weeks into school, she¡¯d only made one friend this time. She¡¯d somehow thought she would easily make friends, become more important, somehow; a component of the school¡¯s social paradigm. People would think about her, care about her, worry about her when she wasn¡¯t around. She recognized that it wouldn¡¯t be that straightforward, but the actual brutal truth of just how naive her line of thinking had been was disconcerting. Even the positive attention was difficult to bear. It wasn¡¯t uncommon to catch a guy guiltily looking away from her breasts, which was an awkward situation she¡¯d failed to mentally prepare herself for. How does anyone prepare for that? Contrary to her expectations¡ªor lack thereof¡ªwhen her fat receded over the summer, teenage breasts emerged. This was, in some ways, Tabitha¡¯s first ¡®real¡¯ experience as a budding young woman. Her breasts weren¡¯t large¡ªthey were rather small B-cups, but because they stood out on her frame in a way she¡¯d never experienced before, and it was hard not to be self-conscious about them. She¡¯d expected them to disappear with her weight and be unnoticeable¡ªthat¡¯s what had happened in her past life. No, they weren¡¯t the dream boobs that could form perfect cleavage like every girl wished for. But, Tabitha thought they made pretty good shapes, and found herself a little proud of them. ¡°Yeah? Well, I heard she sucks a looot of dick,¡± One of the nearby girls in her Biology class chuckled loud enough¡ªpurposefully so¡ªfor Tabitha to overhear. This group of gossiping teenage girls were all sitting sideways in their seats partway across the classroom, with their backs to her. One of the less bright ones kept sneaking unsubtle peeks over at Tabitha. ¡°Nuh-uh, no you didn¡¯t,¡± another freshman girl said¡ªbut in a goading tone, rather than a voice suggesting actual disbelief. ¡°Who said that?¡± ¡°Fuckin¡¯ everybody I¡¯ve talked to,¡± the first girl replied. ¡°Hey, you know where she¡¯s from... right?¡± Stifling a wry smile, Tabitha ignored them, continuing to halfheartedly fill out her homework in advance. She knew the loudly gossiping girls were inexpertly baiting her for a reaction, hoping to find a guilty conscience. A series of sexy rumors about her was making another round throughout Springton High, but she couldn¡¯t help but regard them with more amusement than annoyance. From the bits and pieces she¡¯d overheard, they may as well have been primitive precursors to clickbait media of the future: These girls were STUNNED when they heard these seven secrets that TABITHA MOORE doesn¡¯t want you to know! As absurd and surreal as the whirlwind melodrama of high school politics seemed to her, she was involved this time, by apparent virtue of her appearance and persona alone. As the social strata among their freshman year solidified and matured, she discovered being a rogue attractive entity outside of the traditional cliques made many of Springton¡¯s upper echelon hostile by default. I¡¯m impressed, more than anything, Tabitha thought to herself, resting her chin on her knuckle as she reviewed her biology questions. While her fellow high school girls were without a doubt petty, they were in no way simple. Rather than a straightforward teen-movie hierarchy one could label the queens of Springton High, these girls were mapping out a full-fledged geopolitical landscape based somehow on popularity. A proving-ground arena, complete with power plays, counterintelligence operations, third-party negotiations, and of course¡ªsabotage smear campaigns. Tabitha found herself approached more than once by what she began to think of as investigatory commissions, rigidly smiling parties asking which guy she was interested in, and what she thought of Heather, or Melissa, or Cassidy. Tabitha¡¯s ignorance as to exactly who any of those girls were was treated as feigned indifference at best, and open provocation at worst. Tabitha¡¯s public stance on relationships¡ª ¡®I¡¯m not interested in dating right now,¡¯¡ªwas likewise treated with suspicion. Was she posturing, in attempt to inflate her own market value? Which of the Springton guys did she have her sights set on? Or, was the other buzz about her true? Was she a total lesbian? Tabitha was an oddity; well-known by everyone, but not ¡®popular.¡¯ Spoken to her face she was treated on friendly terms¡ªfor now¡ªbut never befriended. Because she didn¡¯t jump to make connections and associations, she remained an unknown¡ªthere was apparently no one to vouch for her, no one who knew for sure what she was saying, or about who, or who she was after, guy-wise. Tabitha was, potentially, a high-value girl that all the guys want¡ªin other words, an active threat, equal parts comparison and competition. She was an unwelcome complication for the many girls staking their claims on boys, the girls affirming their positions and affiliations¡ªwhich girls they were besties with, which of them were trashy fucking whores that if she gives me any shit I¡¯ll flip the fuck out on her, swear to God! As if any of it actually matters, Tabitha mused, wanting to roll her eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t you think it¡¯s weird how nobody knows where she disappears to during lunch period?¡± ¡°Uh, duh,¡± Another girl retorted. ¡°She¡¯s fooling around with Mr. Simmons. He gives all his other Marine Sci classes a grade curve except the one I¡¯m in with her. He even basically came out told us she was his little beau; he waved around her test in our face for like, twenty minutes.¡± ¡°That¡¯s so fucking gross,¡± A girl said, a little more loudly this time. ¡°What a dirty old creep. I did wonder why I never see her, around lunchtime.¡± ¡°Pfft. Sure hope she enjoys her lunch today.¡± ¡°Big ol¡¯ lunch.¡± ¡°Ewww, I hope she brushes her teeth afterwards, like, gargles soap or something. Bet you can smell it on her breath afterwards.¡± ¡°Oh my God shut up, I¡¯m going to puke!¡± ¡°Geez, chill. Just offer her some gum or something,¡± a girl laughed. ¡°Maybe a tic tac?¡± I¡¯m¡­ in the library every lunch period, though? Tabitha barely held herself back from turning and giving them a look of consternation. It¡¯s not exactly a big vanishing act? There¡¯s plenty of other kids in the library for lunch that see me there all the time. Isn¡¯t there?
Her time spent during lunch was turning a little more desperate each day, and a pressing grim feeling came down on her as she pushed open the school library¡¯s double-doors and walked through the metal detector. As usual, the computer lab there was full of students playing primitive computer games, but today Tabitha made a point to make eye contact and compose a friendly smile for one or two of them. They¡¯ll eventually notice that I¡¯m always in here for lunch. Right? Her normal corner table was vacant as usual, and even untouched¡ªnone of the books she¡¯d collected there yesterday had been removed and put back on shelves. Having exhausted all of her other ideas, Tabitha was finally assuming a worst-case scenario in her current topic of study. She was now reading up on how to field dress gunshot wounds. A hopefully not-too-dated ATLS¡ªAdvanced Trauma Life Support¡ªprotocol guidebook rest atop a small mountain of related material on field dressing wounds in emergencies, all heaped upon her familiar library table. Springton High¡¯s librarian, endlessly enthusiastic to help an eager young learner find sources of reference, had been sure yesterday that Tabitha was interested in prepping for medical school. That would be the smart move, after all, Tabitha frowned, feeling her insides churn as she found her bookmark in the medical texts. Lots of money in it, excellent career choice. It¡¯s just so¡­ Ugh. So GRISLY... A severe bullet wound wasn¡¯t simple, and no amount of cram-studying was giving Tabitha any optimism for the upcoming situation. It was going to be bad¡ªof course it was going to be bad. Last time through, the man had died. Fatal gunshot wound. Death. The horrifying thought that when worst came to worse, it could be her hands desperately trying to staunch the man¡¯s bleeding threw her into a panic. She didn¡¯t remember hearing anything about a rifle, so she assumed the wound would be from a handgun¡ªlow-velocity ballistic trauma, in other words. Not that any of the knowledge related to that she was learning made things particularly any easier on her. Tabitha was supposed to very rapidly assess where the bullet penetrated and what specific dangers it posed, and then take the most correct action she could. But, even narrowing it down to assume a chest or abdominal entry wound had Tabitha¡¯s hands shaking as she imagined actually being there and witnessing it all unfold. Because it was really going to happen, and dreadfully soon. There¡¯s going to be a LOT of blood. And, I¡¯m obviously going to have to be actively trying to stop the flow. Somehow, Tabitha grimaced, flipping into the sections of different respiratory compromise. But, what if it hits a lung? Maybe I¡¯ll stop up the blood loss¡ªand then he ends up drowning in his own blood, instead. Back then in her first life, she¡¯d been watching TV when she heard the gunshot echo across her neighborhood. Specifics, like exact time of day, the officer¡¯s name, and precisely where he¡¯d been shot, however, continued to elude her. If I could just remember what freaking show I was watching at the time! Then I¡¯d be able to match it up in the TV guide¡­ aggh! Unfortunately, she didn¡¯t remember, not for sure¡ªand the more she tried, the less sure of anything she was, progressively becoming less and less confident in any of the details she thought she knew. The future never seems quite so nebulous as it does when you start second-guessing yourself. Did the bullet pass through too close to an artery? Did it fragment? The crux of the issue was that Tabitha didn¡¯t know why the police officer had bled out. Was the call for emergency services immediate, or was there a significant delay? It wouldn¡¯t be as easy as simply tapping 911 into a bracelet PC or smartphone for another few decades, and she knew for a fact that several of their neighbors in the trailer park didn¡¯t even have landlines. IF the cop was too incapacitated to radio in, IF there was never another officer in his squad car, IF no one in the lower park called the emergency dispatcher right away, if, if, if, if... If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. There was also the sobering idea that nothing Tabitha might attempt would ever save the man. Maybe he was fated to die no matter what she did, and causality was locked in certain ways beyond her understanding. Unchangeable. Would I regret getting myself involved, then, or would I once again begin to despise the hidden powers-that-be? I hate how much this terrifies me, Tabitha admitted to herself. I don¡¯t want to form some sort of God complex, thinking I can do anything and save anyone. But, at the same time¡­ I¡¯ll hate myself a little¡ª maybe more than a little¡ª if I know this is going to happen and remain indifferent to it. ¡°Hey,¡± Alicia interrupted her thoughts, giving a small wave to get Tabitha¡¯s attention. ¡°You alright?¡± ¡°Alright?¡± Tabitha blinked, wondering when Alicia¡¯d come in. Her only real friend at Springton usually didn¡¯t stop by to chat with her until after she¡¯d eaten, but this was the first time she hadn¡¯t noticed the dark-skinned girl enter the library. ¡°Yeah. You look kinda¡­ uh. You know,¡± Alicia shrugged, pulling out the opposite chair and dropping her sketchbook onto the table beside the stacks of books. ¡°Are they starting to get to you?¡± ¡°They? No, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head with a chuckle. ¡°No, fine. I¡¯m just¡­ stressed.¡± ¡°Uhhh,¡± Alicia¡¯s eyes went wide as she snatched an annotated military field dressing guidebook off of the pile nearest her. ¡°...You wanna talk about it?¡±
¡°And how¡¯s school goin¡¯, sweetie?¡± Mr. Moore asked, punching his fork through the romaine and chicken of his salad. Tabitha¡¯s high school debut and her first few weeks at Springton High had come and gone with what seemed like little fanfare. Whatever it was she felt like she expected didn¡¯t seem to be happening. No sword of Damocles had descended to put an end to her cheat-like second try at being a teenager, but nor was she universally well-loved by everyone, like she¡¯d idly fantasized about while on her morning jogs. And that¡¯s okay. Her staggering routine of waking up before dawn to run, cleaning herself up before school, researching for the future, and coming home to practice Taekwondo forms, and finally make dinner for her family should have seemed a near-impossible burden. It¡¯s rough sometimes, but once I got into the swing of it, I can manage. For now. Although the man ate with typical aplomb, Tabitha could tell her father still wasn¡¯t enthusiastic about eating salads, despite the extra effort she had put into this one. It was a grilled chicken fajita salad, and his portion in particular was more slabs of chicken and pepper slices than it was traditional greens. The chicken¡¯s marinade doubled as dressing, and with as liberally as it was applied, Tabitha was forced to concede that the dish may no longer be particularly healthy. ¡°Perfect,¡± Mrs. Moore spoke without looking up, stabbing and picking at her own meal in a petulant way. ¡°She¡¯s doing perfect. Perfect at everything.¡± ¡°...I¡¯m doing well,¡± Tabitha said carefully. ¡°Certainly not perfect, but¡ª¡± ¡°Nonsense,¡± Mrs. Moore snorted. ¡°You¡¯re just perfect at everything, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m only human,¡± Tabitha decided to say. ¡°I make mistakes.¡± ¡°Oh? Well. I¡¯d sure like to see that,¡± Mrs. Moore¡¯s fork clanked against her dish a little louder than necessary, and flecks of marinade dotted the table. ¡°As you please. I¡¯ll endeavor to restrain my academic perform¡ª¡± ¡°What¡¯s goin¡¯ on, here?¡± Mr. Moore interrupted, a steely edge to his voice. ¡°Does one of you wanna explain to me what this is all about? Honey?¡± ¡°Well, I think everything¡¯s just fine,¡± Mrs. Moore replied flippantly. ¡°We¡¯re all just perfect here. Aren¡¯t we, Tabitha?¡± ¡°Honey.¡± ¡°Please excuse me,¡± Tabitha stood up mechanically. ¡°I¡¯m afraid I¡¯ve had sufficient¡ª¡± ¡°No. Sit down,¡± her father commanded, pointing towards her. ¡°Both of you are gonna sit right there, look me in the eye, and tell me what all this is about.¡± ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t whatsoever comprehend what you mean,¡± Mrs. Moore said in mocking imitation of her daughter¡¯s manner of speech. ¡°Pray tell if¡ª¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t the¡ª¡± Tabitha began. ¡°Oh, did I pronounce something wrong? I¡¯m so sorry, don¡¯t be shy about correcting me, dear.¡± ¡°Both of you, stop!¡± Mr. Moore raised his voice in aggravation, shoving his plate towards the center of the table. ¡°Goddamn. I mean it, what the hell is this? Tabitha?¡± ¡°...I apologize,¡± Tabitha said. She clamped her mouth shut resolutely and stared off at their fading wallpaper, saying nothing more. ¡°You apologize,¡± Mr. Moore repeated sternly. ¡°For? You apologize for what, exactly?¡± ¡°My mother¡¯s immature behavior,¡± Tabitha gave Mrs. Moore a sidelong glance. To her own surprise, she did feel responsible for the way her mother was acting. She¡¯d hoped the small breakdown the woman had experienced after that first day of school would be a watershed moment¡ªa sign that things were on the cusp of change between them. ¡°Excuse me?¡± Mrs. Moore roared. ¡°My what?¡± If only things could be that simple, Tabitha grit her teeth. Instead, it seemed now that the moment back then had been nothing more than a tantrum. Her mother was just as irritable and on-edge as before, perhaps more so. She was volatile now, in a way that suggested the woman was indeed coming to understand the source of her own deep-rooted issues¡ªbut that it was only unhinging her more and more. ¡°Enough!¡± Alan Moore stood up. He looked angry now, angry in a way Tabitha hadn¡¯t witnessed since seeing him lay into the hospital technicians as Emsie St. Juarez, and she found herself shrinking back in her seat. She¡¯d remembered her father annoyed and frustrated throughout her childhood, but never angry like this. From her memory, he was a simple and stoic man, whose laidback attitude was perhaps in part responsible for how unruly his wife became. ¡°Whatever this is? You two better bury it, right now,¡± Mr. Moore swiped his plate of food off of the table in a single violent gesture, sending it against the wall of their living room with a loud crack, making both Tabitha and Mrs. Moore flinch. ¡°I don¡¯t care how you do it. You two put everything on the table right now and figure it out. Both of you. Sort this shit out, and put it behind you. For good.¡± Then, he turned and left, striding down the hall to the master bedroom. Mother and daughter alike were stunned silent by what had just happened, and locked eyes with trepidation for a moment before their gazes seemed to repel one another and they looked anywhere else. ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha said quietly, rising out of her seat. This IS my fault, too¡ªI know it is, because nothing like this ever happened in the other life. The thought weighed on her. Salad that would have been her father¡¯s dinner was all over the floor, and the fajita dressing was sure to stain their worn carpet if she didn¡¯t act quickly. To Tabitha¡¯s surprise and dismay¡ªshe found that the plate had broken. This is¡ªthis is wrong. This plate isn¡¯t supposed to break, Tabitha held the dish up in disbelief. She recognized it, because it was one of her old plates. Cream-colored ceramic, with a pink floral motif adorning one corner¡ªone of the pieces of tableware she would inherit eventually. It would have been part of her mismatched collection of tableware all throughout college, a familiar, even sentimental thing that she still used in regular rotation right up into her sixties. Now, it was in two uneven pieces, and would not be joining her on her life journey this time. Because everything¡¯s changing, Tabitha realized, feeling a little shaken. Things are breaking. It was never like this for them. Daddy never did anything like that. My mother and I never butted heads like this. Everything¡¯s way, WAY off course. Anything can happen. There aren¡¯t any guarantees from last time, Tabitha thought, trying to stop her fingers from shaking as she picked pieces of lettuce off the floor. The new future, that had seemed bright with infinite possibilities for her, also had this darkness of the unknown to it¡ªTabitha had so focused herself on climbing to new heights that she¡¯d refused to see the depths those heights created. Knowing that tonight¡¯s exchange came about from her actions terrified her. She felt smaller, diminished, in seeing what she was doing to their family. Even when I¡¯m trying to make things better, some other things are just going to get worse instead. That¡¯s just life. But... is this how it¡¯s supposed to be? Or was last life how things should have been?
Sorry. Unlike her daughter, Shannon Moore wasn¡¯t able to say it out loud. Her own temper got the best of her, like it always did. Those imperturbable calm eyes and that collected way her Tabitha held herself got deep under her skin, yet again. I WAS acting like a child. I still am. Worse yet, she knew what stress her husband was going through right now. With his brother Danny arrested this past weekend, their entire extended family was in turmoil. They hadn¡¯t told Tabitha yet¡ªAlan still wanted them to sit down and explain to her what was happening and what it all meant. That hadn¡¯t happened, only because Shannon was dragging her feet about it. Sitting down and attempting a heart-to-heart with that know-it-all pretty little face was the last thing she could do right now. The very thought of her daughter¡¯s lovely but guarded expression evoked undisguised self-loathing and malice that bubbled to the surface like a sickness. You think that¡¯s how easy it is? That¡¯s all it takes to become an actress? Mrs. Moore frowned, absentmindedly watching her daughter take the initiative to clean up spots of marinade with the kitchen stash of fast-food napkins. Even facing away from her and crouching down, Tabitha somehow affected a grace to her posture that might as well have been directly mocking her. You have no idea how hard it is, or what a toll it will take. You¡¯re young. You think you know everything, but you have no idea, Tabitha. Everyone told me having a daughter would be worse, Mrs. Moore turned and glared angrily at the grilled chicken fajita salad in front of her. She was so hungry that it ached, so furious and ashamed and nauseous all at once that she wanted to throw up. I never believed them. I never WOULD have believed them, ¡®till just a few months ago. The salad was delicious, and she hated salads. It wasn¡¯t normal food¡ªthere wasn¡¯t anything Tabitha made that was normal, period. Making dinner for the family took the girl almost an hour every day, and that wasn¡¯t normal. Everything they ate was amazing, took obvious effort to prepare, and was supposedly even healthy fare. Shannon hated it. Somehow or other, this past summer Tabitha had learned how to push all of her buttons. All of them at once; she pushed them and then held them down, until it felt like she was going berserk. Mother and teenage daughter; deadlocked in a futile struggle through every nuance of their interaction. Even the guarded look Tabitha wore when she was in her presence was equivalent to a line drawn in the sand. The girl was working out the scheme of her overall life alone, and the very fact that she was at it alone, that it was all kept secret made it evident to her that she was not a part of that future. Changing everything around in their little trailer was the rebellious teen¡¯s way of trying to assert dominance, and taking up cooking for the family was a challenge; open provocation to Mrs. Moore¡¯s position to their family. Shannon knew that Grandma Laurie must have been behind some of those attacks¡ª because they were done without the subtlety of a thirteen-year-old girl, yet each and every one seemed to catch her completely off guard all the same. When had the grandmother and daughter even colluded to put all of this into action? None of it had made any sense¡ªeven with practice and instruction, the Tabitha she thought she knew wouldn¡¯t have the sheer drive to keep at something like this for more than a day or two. Certainly not for months on end like she had been. It didn¡¯t add up to Mrs. Moore at all. Until she found out Tabitha had seen the little blue album, that is. Mrs. Moore was watching her daughter again when Tabitha turned her head and looked over at her. That composed expression, the subtle smug look¡ªwasn¡¯t there. Looking into Tabitha¡¯s eyes, she just looked lost and alone. Vulnerable. A hollow, defeated look on those familiar features, a look Mrs. Moore had seen exactly once before¡ªstaring at herself in the mirror some fourteen years ago when she¡¯d discovered she was pregnant and the ignorant dreams she¡¯d had for the future turned into smoke. The revelation stung her, and she couldn¡¯t help but think that for so many years, Tabitha had followed in her own current image¡ªsoft-bodied and slothful. The girl¡¯s absurd transformation, this look in her eyes, it was like watching her own life play out in reverse. The redhead with the brilliant smile beaming out in those beauty pageant photos, the glamour shots she¡¯d collected for her portfolio haunted her; they represented the future that would never be. Shannon felt further removed from her naive past self than she¡¯d ever been, and it felt like the distance between her and her daughter was growing even further distant still. ¡°Tabitha, I¡­¡± Mrs. Moore began listlessly. Her beautiful daughter went still at hearing her speak, however, and the look of caution settling into the young girl¡¯s expression might as well have been a door slamming closed in her face. ¡°Tabitha¡­¡± 9: Bringing a friend home from school. ¡°Uhhh. Is this the right stop?¡± Alicia hesitated on the steps off of the school bus. She¡¯d been chatting with Tabitha about designs for her goblin story and somehow entirely lost track of the surroundings passing by the bus windows outside. ¡°Yep, this is our stop,¡± Tabitha confirmed, waving Alicia forward with an excited smile. ¡°This... is a trailer park,¡± Alicia pointed out, uneasily stepping down from the school bus. It wasn¡¯t a nice-looking trailer park, either. Alicia had an aunt that lived in a mobile home lot in Georgia, but those ones were all new homes, painted uniformly and arranged neatly onto their picture-perfect manicured little lawns. This lot that Tabitha had taken her to was as close as Springton had to a ghetto, the sort of slummy, broken-down place that spoke of a lifetime of mistakes. Dilapidated trailers were packed together in claustrophobic rows, stretching on down the hill behind a gas station and a liquor store. Garbage was everywhere; discarded trash, sagging waterlogged fast food cartons and cups, unidentifiable broken pieces of plastic, and rusting metal parts littered the sides of street. Lawns consisting of clumps of weeds seemed popular, while bare, sunbaked dirt patches scattered with cigarette butts and gravel were also apparently in vogue in this neighborhood. The trailers themselves were obviously, visibly run-down. Some had doors boarded up with plywood already black with mold, others sported roofs covered with tarps or trashbags. Broken glass in windows, with duct tape applied haphazardly across the spiderweb of cracks. There were trailers with sagging panelling, trailers filthy with grime, and even an abandoned, gutted one that looked like it had become a playhouse for neighborhood kids. Or possibly drug addicts. ¡°You... live in a trailer park?¡± Alicia asked, turning to cast a doubtful look in Tabitha¡¯s direction. ¡°Surprised?¡± Tabitha gave her a knowing smile. ¡°Yeah. I mean, kinda,¡± Alicia took another look around. ¡°You¡¯re for real? Not messing around?¡± ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon, it¡¯s not that bad,¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°Now hurry up, let¡¯s get inside¡ªI don¡¯t wanna get mugged today.¡± ¡°Har, har,¡± Alicia gave her a sarcastic snort. She stopped in place a moment later, giving Tabitha an unsure look. ¡°...Has anyone here ever actually mugged you?¡± ¡°Of course not,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°I¡¯ve lived here my whole life¡ªwell, sorta, anyways¡ªso, everyone here already knows I¡¯m dirt poor. I don¡¯t have anything worth taking.¡± ¡°Um. You¡¯re still a pretty young lady, though¡­ you know?¡± Alicia said in a pointed tone. Be a little self-aware of what could happen to you, please? Mom might not even want to drive in here to pick me up. This whole place screams all kinds of bad news. ¡°Damn, you¡¯re right,¡± Tabitha said sheepishly, and the redhead smacked her forehead into her palm. ¡°I keep forgetting about that.¡± ¡°Please be careful,¡± Alicia let out a nervous chuckle as she looked around, not sure if they were joking or not. ¡°Yeah, no kidding,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Hah. C¡¯mon, this way.¡± Still. Dirt poor, huh? Thumbs hooked into the straps of her backpack, Alicia couldn¡¯t help but reevaluate Tabitha as she followed the redhead down the narrow lane between the rows of trailers. Nothing at all she thought she knew about the girl had ever hinted that Tabitha grew up in this sort of poverty. The most beautiful white girl in all of Springton High comes home every day... to THIS? This is the rest of her life? ¡°Here we are,¡± Tabitha said, heading up the steps of a rather nondescript trailer. ...Huh. It looked as shabby as the others, and Alicia awkwardly wondered if she was expected to remark on how nice it was, make some sort of polite observation. Unable to think of anything to say, Alicia pressed her lips into the thin line of a forced smile and followed her friend up the concrete steps and into the worn-down mobile home. ¡°Dad? Mother? As we discussed yesterday, I¡¯ve brought a friend home with me from school,¡± Tabitha announced. ¡°Her name is Alicia Brooks. Please treat her respectfully, and make her feel at home.¡± That¡¯s¡­ a weird way to phrase it? Alicia tried not to feel on edge. ¡®As we discussed?¡¯ The interior of the double-wide wasn¡¯t as bad as Alicia feared. Their living room was a neat, tidy area, without any of the cluttered furnishings or mess she¡¯d expected. Worn but well-cared-for furniture, sparse but tasteful decor, a recently cleaned carpet, and wide-open window views gave the illusion of having a much larger open space. Tabitha¡¯s parents were both home today and sitting around the TV¡ªan older man with a forgettable face who looked like a blue-collar extra in a movie, and a fat, rather unfriendly-looking wife. ¡°Hi,¡± Alicia gave Mr. and Mrs. Moore a meek wave. Oh shit. I thought they would seem more like Tabitha, or something. They look like¡­ generic rednecks? Racist maybe? Is my skin color gonna be a weird issue? ¡°Nice to meet you, Alicia,¡± the father got up out of his seat to shake her hand. ¡°Hello,¡± Mrs. Moore didn¡¯t rise out of her seat on the sofa, instead giving Alicia a lingering glance before turning to give Tabitha a scathing look. Oh shit. Oh shit. ¡°Here,¡± Tabitha called, pulling two chairs out at their dining room table. ¡°I¡¯m sorry there aren¡¯t more places to sit. Would you like anything to drink?¡± ¡°I¡¯m good, thanks,¡± Alicia said, placing her bag on the table and settling into the seat. Nothing about this visit had gone like she thought it would¡ªshe¡¯d pictured a nice, upscale house in a suburb somewhere. Good-looking parents, maybe ones with some light-hearted sense of humor to help put their daughter¡¯s friend at ease and make her feel more welcome. Why can¡¯t anything ever be like it is on TV? Mr. Moore returned to his chair, and the trailer went quiet. ¡°I uh, I read through that whole masonry book you gave me last night,¡± Alicia spoke up. Even if tense silence was situation normal for this family, it felt incredibly straining on her as their guest. ¡°Art of the Stonemason. Well, kinda. I definitely didn¡¯t read any of it, but I studied all the diagrams and everything.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes lit up with interest. ¡°Was it helpful at all?¡± ¡°Oh my God, yes,¡± Alicia nodded emphatically. ¡°I was¡­ well, you know. I draw people and expressions mostly, I was never interested in drawing walls¡ªuntil now.¡± ¡°If slaves are doing all the actual labor, they wouldn¡¯t have the uh, modern, perfectly-squared off bricks that fit all nicely together. They¡¯d have to take each random rock, chip away all the weak parts, protrusions or what-have-you, and then fit all these different-sized pieces together somehow with mortar so that it¡¯s structurally sound. ¡°There¡¯s so many aspects I¡¯d have never even thought about ¡®til going through that book. Thinking about it in terms of structure, figuring abutments, springers, and a keystone when you form stone arches¡ªand you¡¯re gonna want arches¡ªthinking about using longer stones as corbels to support weight, that kinda thing. Here, look at my new doodles,¡± Alicia said, opening up her current sketchpad and sliding it across the table. ¡°These are amazing,¡± Tabitha praised, tracing her fingers along the paper with reverence. ¡°They look so much more... real.¡± ¡°Right? That book really helped me start thinking of each piece as its own three-dimensional thing. Like, it¡¯s made of all of these mismatched components, but everything still fits together in a certain special way. Matching up rubble with uneven joins so that they¡¯re all in their courses, spacing out what they call perpend stones, or through-stones, to keep the pilings from shifting away from one another¡­ there¡¯s so many little details that got put into stuff back then that you just don¡¯t see with boring cinderblock kinda stuff today¡ªI never realized how cool this kinda thing would be to design and draw. ¡°I mean, I was always doing that generic, boring, flat surface with overlapping rectangles brick pattern for things ¡®till just last night, when I read through that book. Is there gonna be a whole lot of this kinda stuff in your story?¡± ¡°There is!¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°The second book will feature stoneworking throughout its plot! The mages, they had their goblins build up these labyrinths around the leylines¡ªlabyrinths designed in a specific way, so that everything from the mana spring gets focused and channeled along onto this one singular, specific path. ¡°But, the free goblins hide out there, break down some walls and build up others, messing everything up and turning the labyrinth into this huge, sprawling maze. So, not only do the mages have to deal with navigating this underground deathtrap full of rebel goblins, they have to figure out which exact walls to repair and which to tear down to restore the proper magic flow.¡± ¡°I understand less an¡¯ less o¡¯ that conversation the more I overhear,¡± Tabitha¡¯s father commented, turning from his seat to give each of the girls a baffled look. ¡°What¡¯s all this about goblins, now?¡± ¡°They¡¯re, you know¡ªthey¡¯re part of Tabitha¡¯s story?¡± Alicia tilted her head and gave the man a quizzical smile. ¡°Her what, now?¡± For some reason, he looked more confused than ever. Does Tabitha never talk about her interests with them? Alicia looked from Tabitha to the girl¡¯s parents and back again, hoping she hadn¡¯t committed some sort of unknowing faux pas. ¡°Oh, um. Yes, I¡¯m working on writing a novel,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Hah,¡± Tabitha¡¯s mother barked out a short, humorless laugh. ¡°Of course she is.¡± Before anyone else could say anything, Mrs. Moore heaved herself up from the sofa and left the room, shaking her head and muttering under her breath. The woman had looked agitated to begin with, but Alicia couldn¡¯t piece together exactly what had happened, or what particular choice of words had suddenly set her off. So¡ªokay, what the hell? Alicia turned to her friend for answers, but all she saw was a conflicted look as Tabitha bit her lower lip in frustration. ¡°You¡¯re writing a story with goblins?¡± Mr. Moore sounded like this was news to him. ¡°I tried reading that Hobbit book when I was ¡®round your age, but I couldn¡¯t make heads nor tails of it. That stuff sure is popular as all get out, though¡ªfellow that wrote that must be a bigshot millionaire by now.¡± ¡°That would be John Ronald Reuel Tolkien,¡± Tabitha clarified in a wistful voice. ¡°He passed away in nineteen seventy-three. I¡¯ve been a longtime admirer of his work¡ªI would kill to possess even one-hundredth of his talent.¡± ¡°Huh... is that right?¡± Her father nodded, already distracting himself with the television in front of him again. ...Are these people actually even related to Tabitha? Alicia blinked in disbelief. Is this really her family? There didn¡¯t seem to be a single shared trait between them. While Alicia felt uncomfortably out of place in this weird, kinda messed-up situation, what struck her the most was that Tabitha seemed even more out of place. ¡°You¡¯re a very strange girl,¡± Alicia blurted out before she could stop herself. Ah, crap. ¡°Oh?¡± Tabitha winced and gave her an apologetic smile. ¡°Yeah... sorry.¡± ¡°She sure is,¡± Mr. Moore chuckled. ¡°But, we love ¡®er anyways.¡± Well, at least one of you does, Alicia thought, glancing over to the hallway Mrs. Moore had disappeared down. ¡°Um¡­ anyways, I¡¯ve been spending every day this month practicing martial arts, over in the empty area on the other end of the trailer park,¡± Tabitha forcibly changed topics. ¡°Do you want to come see?¡± Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°You know martial arts?¡± Alicia asked, raising her eyebrows. She wasn¡¯t sure if any random new thing this girl said should surprise her anymore. ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha said, looking embarrassed. ¡°I mean, I practice a little bit.¡± ¡°Sounds like you¡¯re gonna be my volunteer model for whenever I need a cool action pose, then,¡± Alicia decided, grinning and flipping her sketchbook to a fresh page. ¡°Perfect, I¡¯ve got my camera in my bag today, too!¡±
A pair of teenage girls loitered around on an empty stretch of grass beside the parking spaces at the end of Lower Park mobile home lot. The first girl was pale, a fine-featured young lady with lovely red hair wearing an elaborate sleeveless blouse, while the second was a rather smart-looking dark-skinned young woman with glasses and her hair drawn up in a business-like bun. ¡°You promise you won¡¯t laugh?¡± Tabitha asked with a nervous expression. ¡°I promise nothing,¡± Alicia gave her a snarky look. ¡°C¡¯mon¡ªlet¡¯s see it.¡± ¡°Um¡­ yeah, okay,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°The best action pose I think I can do for you is¡ª well, it¡¯s called a butterfly kick. It¡¯s very¡­ cinematic? But, I¡¯m not sure it will work for a static drawing. Maybe I can just run through like, one of the basic forms?¡± ¡°Well, let¡¯s see it!¡± Alicia prodded. Alicia held her disposable camera against her face like a mask, turning it this way and that. Looking out at the world through the narrow viewfinder, she tried to imagine each of the rather stilted action scenes before her as a captured photo. It was a Kodak Max, a small but expensive contraption of black plastic and yellow cardboard, and almost all of the film within had already been spent on family beach photos. The handful of remaining shots, however, her mother had said that their young artiste could take however she pleased, because they were getting them developed soon. She¡¯d already taken a photo of herself earlier, in her artsiest getup and presenting what she hoped would be a mesmerizing look off into the distance, and when it was developed she was going to use it to draw a glamorous self-portrait. Now, Alicia wanted a photo of Tabitha. Super weird thing to just ask for outta the blue, though, Alicia thought, feeling guilty for some reason. She didn¡¯t want just any random picture of her strange school friend like this¡ªshe wanted the absolute BEST angle of her, one that captured Tabitha¡¯s surprisingly beautiful features in just the right way. A reference she could use, to portray the girl just the way she wanted for this big Goblin project of hers. The idea was growing on her. WOOP-WOOP! The brief sound of a police car toggling his siren interrupted the teenagers, and they looked up in unison to see a white car being pulled over by a cop car across the empty stretch of grass from them. The lone driver being stopped cussed loudly, slamming his hand against the side of his steering wheel in frustration. ¡°Uh-oh¡ªsomebody¡¯s in trouble!¡± Alicia chuckled. The dark-skinned girl was looking over with interest when something strange about Tabitha¡¯s awkward stance had Alicia do a double-take. ¡°Y-yeah,¡± Tabitha mumbled uneasily. The young woman had frozen up at the sight of the guy being pulled over, and when she abruptly turned away from them, she was wearing a rather strained smile. What¡¯s this? Alicia arched an eyebrow at her friend. Guilty conscience? Maybe there¡¯s some story there, or maybe she just gets real nervous around cops? As an artist, she was a fair study of body language, and as Tabitha¡¯s friend, her intuition told her that something had her friend very ill-at-ease. There was raw apprehension there, a strained sort of jittery look, as if Tabitha was clenching her jaw. ¡°Uh, sorry. Someone you know?¡± Alicia asked, looking back over as the police officer got out of his car and sauntered up to lean over the window of the man he¡¯d pulled over. ¡°No. I¡ªum. No,¡± Tabitha said distractedly, stealing a glance over in their direction herself. The cop was asking the man to step outside of his vehicle. When the door opened, the guy stepping out had a narrow face and sharp, angular features. He had short, messy hair, wore a distinctly unwashed-looking shirt, a pair of gym shorts, and no shoes at all. Tabitha quickly looked away. Okay¡­? Lately, something had been weighing heavily on Alicia¡¯s strange school friend. Each day in class or at lunch, Tabitha seemed progressively more high-strung and on edge. Despite both subtle prodding and even direct interrogation, the girl wouldn¡¯t reveal why. Well. I can make plenty of guesses, Alicia mused, quirking her lip. Maybe it¡¯s a boy I don¡¯t know about? And, then there¡¯s her weird family thing she has going on. Also, sure, she says it doesn¡¯t bother her, but all the things those girls at school keep saying about¡ª A thundering crack sounded out, impossibly loud, louder than anything Alicia remembered hearing before, and she flinched in response, hunching her shoulders and wincing. It sounded like a gunshot from a movie or on TV, but at such an incredible, exaggerated volume that Alicia couldn¡¯t help but swear out loud. The dark-skinned girl whirled, searching for the source of the disturbance. She looked just past Tabitha¡ªwho was also turning to see what had happened¡ªto see the police officer collapsing backwards onto the ground on the median. The man he¡¯d pulled over made a mad dash back to his car and he dove into the driver¡¯s seat, peeling out before he¡¯d even gotten the door closed again after him. Seconds later, the white car was practically gone, quickly disappearing down the road and out of sight. What. Was that? Alicia was still frozen in place, staring at the scene in shock when Tabitha bolted forward towards the downed police officer. That¡¯s when it hit her, and Alicia realized¡ªthe cop laying right there just a few dozen yards in front of them had just been shot. This wasn¡¯t something staged for a movie, or a game some kids were playing. He just got shot! In her stunned disbelief and confusion, she took a few hesitant steps after Tabitha before realizing she was still clutching her disposable camera in both hands, right in front of her. Realizing how stupid she was, missing this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Alicia hurriedly raised the camera up and snapped a quick shot. Shit! Fuck! Alicia cursed to herself, realizing she hadn¡¯t been holding the thing steady. She tried immediately snapping another shot, but this time there was no click. Staggering to a halt, she belatedly remembered to wind the film for the next shot and carefully brought the camera up again. Damnit Alicia, don¡¯t waste it¡­ She took the photo just as the running Tabitha was reaching the police officer, and it looked like a pretty good picture. The subjects were a little too far away for it to be ideal, but Alicia didn¡¯t have any more time to think about shot composition¡ª she quickly jammed the disposable camera into the back pocket of her jeans and rushed over towards them. Oh my God¡­ The police officer was a clean-cut looking man in his thirties with an old-fashioned taper haircut and rather rugged features that were just beginning to droop. A handsome man just a little past his prime, he looked like a stereotypical Dad, one that might have just walked off the set of some white family sitcom. Except, he was dying. It wasn¡¯t poignant and serene, nor was it dramatic¡ª something about the scene unfolding before her eyes was just so real that horror and instinctive revulsion rolled through her uncontrollably. His eyes were mostly closed and slightly fluttering, his body was jerking and slightly twisting as he struggled for consciousness, and she could see blood, a deep, dark wet spreading out across the dark blue of the man¡¯s uniform. She could smell it, even; a metallic, somehow sticky smell. ¡°... No, no, no no no!¡± Tabitha cried out, dropping down beside the officer. She snatched up the officer¡¯s handset from the man¡¯s belt, and her young voice rung out back to them from the radio within the nearby squad car. ¡°Officer down! We have an officer down at thirteen twenty two South Main street. He¡¯s shot, he¡¯s¡ªhe¡¯s bleeding everywhere.¡± There was several strained seconds of tense silence before a response crackled back over the radio. ¡°Hello, can you repeat that address?¡± ¡°Thirteen twenty-two south Main street, it¡¯s the lower trailer park. One, three, two, two, South Main,¡± Tabitha repeated, nervously stretching out a trembling hand above the policeman. ¡°Lower trailer park.¡± ¡°Help is on the way, they should be with you shortly. Is the shooter still at that location?¡± the dispatcher asked. ¡°No, he¡¯s¡ªthe shooter drove off,¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°I need um, sorry, I have to stop the bleeding.¡± ¡°Hold on, I need you to stay on the line,¡± the dispatcher insisted. ¡°Honey? I need you to stay with me on the line.¡± Ignoring the dispatcher, Tabitha tossed the radio to Alicia and scrambled back to the downed officer. Alicia caught the handset awkwardly in both hands, nearly fumbling the thing as Tabitha inhaled sharply through her nose and then clamped both palms right down into the man¡¯s blood-soaked chest in an effort to stem the bleeding. ¡°Are you still there?¡± ¡°Hello?¡± Alicia asked into the radio. She couldn¡¯t hear herself over the car radio like she had when Tabitha had spoken through it; she wasn¡¯t getting through. In a panic, she tried again, squeezing down one of the buttons on the side. ¡°Hello? H-hello?¡± ¡°Hello, we have help on the way but I need you to sit tight for me if you can do that. Has anyone else been hurt?¡± ¡°No,¡± Alicia answered. ¡°Can you describe the shooter?¡± ¡°Caucasian male in his mid-twenties,¡± Tabitha called over. ¡°He was headed southbound on South Main, driving a white Lincoln Continental with West Virginia plates.¡± ¡°Uh¡­ uh¡­ what?¡± Alicia froze as she looked over to see Tabitha pressing both hands firmly down to pin the officer to the pavement. Her hands were covered in blood, and blood had soaked a large swath down the side of the officer¡¯s uniform and onto the pavement. How-how does she know what to¡ª ¡°Are you still there?¡± the police dispatcher asked. ¡°Th-the shooter was a white male, in his, uh in his twenties,¡± Alicia reported over the handset. ¡°He was going, uh, he was¡ª¡± ¡°Southbound on South Main, in a white Lincoln Continental with West Virginia plates,¡± Tabitha said again. The slender girl sounded composed, but she was wearing an extremely grim expression as errant red locks of hair fell down across her face, not daring to take her eyes off of the wound she was clamping down on. ¡°Southbound on South Main, he¡¯s in¡ªhe¡¯s in a Lincoln Continental with West Virginia plates,¡± Alicia blurted frantically into the receiver. ¡°White, a white Lincoln Continental.¡± ¡°That¡¯s southbound, in a white Lincoln Continental?¡± The dispatcher asked. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Okay, thank you. Just sit tight please, we have an ambulance on the way there to you now.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± All at once and in several different directions, the town erupted into warbling siren wails, a cacophony of dogged noise. Alicia hadn¡¯t been sure if they would even be taken seriously with that officer down¡ªafter all, they were just teenage girls. It turned out, however, they were taken extremely seriously, as what must have been every police car in Springton seemed to immediately mobilize to full alert. ¡°You said the officer is bleeding?¡± the dispatcher returned. ¡°I¡¯m¡ªuhh. I¡¯m gonna let you talk to her again,¡± Alicia said, hurrying over to hold the radio up to Tabitha for her. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, what was that?¡± the dispatcher asked amid a burst of static. ¡°We have an entry wound about an inch, inch-and-a-half left of his sternum,¡± Tabitha reported, leaning towards the offered handset. ¡°That¡¯s, um, my left, his right. He¡¯s still breathing, he¡¯s breathing in tiny little breaths. He¡¯s, uh. He¡¯s lost a lot of blood. I¡¯m applying pressure, but he¡¯s lost a lot of blood.¡± ¡°Okay, keep on applying pressure, please. Emergency medical is on the way.¡± ¡°Whatever you¡¯re sending, send it faster,¡± Tabitha insisted with an edge of urgency to her tone. ¡°Emergency medical is getting there as fast as they can. We just need you to stay calm and keep applying pressure to the wound.¡± Alicia saw Tabitha¡¯s form hunched over the officer¡¯s body blur as tears filled her vision. The initial stunned shock of the moment had abruptly worn off, and a whirlwind of emotion was suddenly overwhelming her. Clamping a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs so as not to startle Tabitha, Alicia stood there rigidly beside the police car, looking across the horrific scene and crying. Short moments later, the siren sounds drew painfully close and a vehicle flashing brilliant blue and red light screeched to a halt. To their disappointment, it was another cop car, rather than the much-desired ambulance. A uniformed police officer jumped out, radio in hand, leaving his car running in the middle of the street. ¡°Thirty six to dispatch, I¡¯m confirming officer down at one three two two South Main,¡± the officer reported as he ran forward. ¡°Request urgent medical.¡± ¡°Ten-four,¡± the dispatcher acknowledged. ¡°Stay there, ambulance is on the way.¡± ¡°Shit,¡± the officer took a knee beside Tabitha and the fallen officer. ¡°Ahh, shit, shit.¡± He was a stocky, clean-shaven white man with a crew cut and a no-nonsense expression. The brass nameplate he wore above his breast pocket read WILLIAMS, prompting Alicia to realize she¡¯d never looked down to see the fallen police officer¡¯s name. Now, she was afraid to. ¡°Let¡¯s get that ambulance rolling,¡± Officer Williams barked into his radio. ¡°C¡¯mon, c¡¯mon, c¡¯mon.¡± ¡°Ten-four, ambulance is on the way,¡± the dispatcher helplessly repeated again. ¡°Are you girls alright?¡± the officer stowed his handset and leaned in, hesitant to jeopardize the downed officer by taking sudden action. ¡°You want me to take over there, Miss?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not releasing pressure until the ambulance is here,¡± Tabitha promised in a resolute voice. She was paler than ever, and her eyes were wet, but she wasn¡¯t crying. ¡°We were over there on the side of the road when it happened¡ªwe saw everything.¡± ¡°Good¡ªokay, good, good, you¡¯re doin¡¯ great, just keep putting on pressure,¡± Officer Williams told her, pulling a pair of latex gloves out of his belt pouch and hurriedly putting them on. As carefully as he could, he opened the fallen officer¡¯s eyes one by one, shining a small diagnostic flashlight into them. ¡°Is he gonna be okay?¡± Alicia blurted out, hoping the cop could tell them something. ¡°Uh, I don¡¯t know, hun,¡± the man admitted regretfully, surveying the copious amount of blood that had already spilled. ¡°I really don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°He¡¯s going to be okay,¡± Tabitha decided, gritting her teeth and staring back down at her bloody hands pressed against the officer¡¯s chest. ¡°He¡¯s going to make it.¡± How do you know that? Alicia wiped tears from her face with the back of her hand, staring at Tabitha incredulously. How did she know what to do? The answer, surprisingly, came to mind right away, and many things all at once seemed to fall into place. Of course¡ªTabitha read about all of it, in the school library. All those books. Specifically. Is it a coincidence? Everything was like, tailored for this situation, preparing her for exactly this. Her steadily increasing anxiety. Her not wanting to be alone today. Her wanting to hang out around here, right here, for no apparent reason¡­ waiting for something? Alicia¡¯s eyes widened as she regarded Tabitha in shock. It seemed impossible. She knew this was going to happen. 10: Keeping a girl in the dark. ¡°Tabs? You still awake?¡± Alicia asked, twisting on the narrow mattress towards her friend on the floor. ¡°Uh, is it cool if I call you Tabs?¡± The past several hours had been a whirlwind of sirens and blood and concerned parents, a news van, and the police officers, and nightfall had seemed to creep up on them all at once. It was hard to focus on her mother¡¯s terrified expression as she arrived and nearly tackled her into a stranglehold of a hug, and Alicia didn¡¯t remember much of what she¡¯d said to those policemen or reporters. There were too many questions burning on Alicia¡¯s mind. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha answered, sounding exhausted. ¡°Call me whatever you want. Tab, Tabby, Tabitha.¡± Alicia had refused to part after the ordeal they¡¯d been through, pleading to sleep over in Tabitha¡¯s tiny room in that worn-down mobile home of theirs. She was offered the tiny single bed, while Tabitha gathered up blankets and stretched out on the floor. Alicia¡¯s mother sat out in the dining room with Mr. and Mrs. Moore, still exchanging words in hushed voices. ¡°Doesn¡¯t bother you if I use ¡®Tabby?¡¯¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Okay. Um. You prolly know what I¡¯m gonna ask, right?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°How did you know?¡± The dark bedroom was dead silent for a few long moments before Alicia heard her friend let out a long sigh. ¡°I didn¡¯t¡­ exactly know,¡± Tabitha muttered. ¡°Didn¡¯t think it would happen on the first of October. Just sometime in October.¡± ¡°But, you did know?¡± Alicia quickly sat up. ¡°...Yeah,¡± Tabitha admitted. The room went silent again. ¡°Okay. Tabitha. Can you understand why that would freak me the hell out?¡± Alicia blinked, trying to make out the other girl¡¯s expression. ¡°I know this is gonna sound shitty, but if we¡¯re gonna be friends¡ªyou need to fucking tell me what¡¯s going on.¡± For possibly the first time in her life, Alicia felt shaken. Witnessing the shooting, stammering out responses to the emergency dispatcher, even simply standing by while Tabitha and the other officer struggled to stem the bleeding had been an incredibly taxing experience on her. The implications of Tabitha possibly having advance knowledge of all of this weighed heavily on her, and she knew she wouldn¡¯t be getting any sleep until she addressed things. ¡°I¡­¡± Tabitha struggled out. ¡°I don¡¯t know what I should say. How much I should say, right now.¡± ¡°Was it, like, planned out?¡± Alicia asked in a flat voice. ¡°Pre-meditated? Was this like, a set-up and planned out cop killing?¡± ¡°No!¡± Tabitha exclaimed, and from the rustle of blanket it sounded like she¡¯d sat up as well. ¡°No, no.¡± ¡°What, did you get, um. Like, a vision of the future? Dreams?¡± Alicia guessed. ¡°I dunno, prophecy sorta stuff?¡± ¡°Not exactly.¡± ¡°Time travel?¡± Tabitha didn¡¯t answer. ¡°Time travel?¡± Alicia prompted again. ¡°Tabitha?¡± ¡°Kind of¡­?¡± Tabitha whispered in a weak voice. ¡°But, not exactly?¡± Time travel? Alicia frowned. The dark bedroom seemed to spin with fantastical scenarios for a moment. Yeah, right. ¡°Okay, um. Time travel. What else do you know? What can you say that can like, prove it for me? What do you mean ¡®not exactly?¡¯¡± ¡°I¡­ ugh,¡± Tabitha made a sound that Alicia guessed was the girl slapping her own forehead, and then she heard the girl fall heavily back down onto the comforters arranged on the floor. ¡°I don¡¯t even know where to start.¡± ¡°Time travel?¡± Alicia suggested. She tried to settle back down on the bed, but the events of the day and the sudden introduction of the topic had her too amped up. ¡°Start at time travel? What, was there a time machine?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± Tabitha said quietly. ¡°I lived out my life, and then somehow I came back to this point in my life. Er, I came back to right towards the end of middle school.¡± ¡°Wait, so did you die? In the future I mean? How far in the future? Does anything big happen?¡± Alicia didn¡¯t really buy into what Tabitha was saying, but she couldn¡¯t help herself from blurting out questions all the same. ¡°Did you die?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha sounded unsure now. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t think so. I don¡¯t remember dying, at least. I was in the hospital, getting my headaches checked out.¡± ¡°How far in the future?¡± Alicia prompted. ¡°Forty-seven years,¡± Tabitha answered in a quiet voice. ¡°The year twenty-forty-five.¡± She¡¯s actually going there? Alicia frowned. She¡¯s seriously gonna try to sell this bullshit story to me? I know she¡¯s imaginative and all, but I¡¯m still legit freaked out here¡ªthis isn¡¯t the time or place to play around like this. Is this her own way of coping with shit? Should I NOT just poke a bunch of holes in her stupid time travel thing? ¡°Okay¡ªso, the future,¡± Alicia splayed out her hand in the dark and began ticking off fingers. ¡°Is there flying cars? Robots? Teleporters? Or aliens?¡± ¡°Sort of, sort of, no, and no,¡± Tabitha chuckled sadly. ¡°Okay back up, back up to those two ¡®sort ofs,¡¯¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Explain. Flying cars?¡± ¡°There¡¯s always been flying cars,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Probably even in these times¡ªin the late nineties. It¡¯s the kind of tech project that¡¯ll make the cover of Popular Mechanics, maybe, but never ever gets mainstream.¡± ¡°Lame and boring answer,¡± Alicia rolled her eyes. ¡°Why not? What¡¯s a future without flying cars?¡± There was a long, drawn-out silence, and Alicia was sure Tabitha had given up on her time-traveling charade. ¡°The common sense answer is that they¡¯re expensive. A compromise between a street legal vehicle and one capable of flight also really sacrifices the better points of each.¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice was odd¡ªit was somehow too tired and world-weary. ¡°But, that¡¯s not the real reason they¡¯ll never be a thing.¡± ¡°Oh yeah?¡± Alicia sat up on one elbow, interested. ¡°There¡¯s a terrorist attack,¡± Tabitha murmured. ¡°It¡¯s... the terrorist attack. They hijack four flights from the Boston airport and¡­ fly them into buildings. I think it¡¯s Boston. Either Boston, or Baltimore. Two of the planes hit the twin towers; the world trade center. A lot of people die. Another one hits the pentagon. The last one crashes in a field in Pennsylvania, it was heading for the White House, but¡­ who knows what happened.¡± ¡°Okay, kinda not funny anymore,¡± Alicia let out an uneasy laugh. ¡°The economy tanks right away, and things stay bad for years. People are afraid to fly, airport security changes forever. Airlines need government bailout money to keep operating. It was¡­ there got to be this sort of... mass hysteria in the background of our culture, a paranoia that certain people in office use to¡ª¡± ¡°Robots?¡± Alicia interrupted, feeling a little unsettled. ¡°Robots was your other ¡®sorta?¡¯¡± ¡°They don¡¯t act like humans and walk around,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°The common everyday ones are just automated janitors and groundskeepers, really. They mop floors or mow lawns for whatever area they¡¯re programmed for, and return to their dock to recharge. They don¡¯t look like people, they look like vacuums and mowers, but without the handle stuff.¡± ¡°Your future sucks,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I guess at least everything¡¯s all magically clean everywhere though, right?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not really any different than things are now,¡± Tabitha replied sadly. ¡°It¡¯s just... buying a smart-cleaner rather than paying a night janitor to mop the floors.¡± ¡°Lame,¡± Alicia decided. ¡°Do robots take a lot of jobs, then? Fast food?¡± ¡°Yes, actually,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Well, it¡¯s technology, but not exactly robots. Nobody behind the counter taking orders anymore¡ªit¡¯s all touch screens, or through your phone. Actual people still make the food, but I¡¯m sure that¡¯ll eventually change, too.¡± ¡°Through your phone?¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°So what, you have to call ahead and order if you want fast food?¡± ¡°A phone in the future is¡­ a very different concept than a phone in nineteen-ninety-eight,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°They start out as portable phones, but then they¡¯re also cameras, personal computers, and 3D scanners and projectors and eventually your wallet and ID all rolled into one, I guess.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ kind of a big game-changer,¡± Alicia said, leaning out over the bed. ¡°Tabitha? How serious about all of this are you?¡± ¡°...I¡¯m not going to ever admit to anyone else that I¡¯ve been to a future,¡± Tabitha said carefully. ¡°I understand that you¡¯re skeptical, and we can drop it as a joke for now. I¡¯d just like you to¡­ keep it in the back of your mind as a possibility, when I seem to know things in advance from now on that I shouldn¡¯t. If that¡¯s all right.¡± ¡°But, you did know about the police officer getting shot,¡± Alicia pointed out. ¡°What happened with that in your future?¡± ¡°He died,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°So, this time through, he doesn¡¯t die? What does that change? What happens?¡± Alicia asked, interested. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t know if he will make it yet, if that¡¯s, um. Something that I can change or not. I won¡¯t know until we hear what happens. I tried, though,¡± Tabitha managed to say, her voice dropping down to a whisper. ¡°I tried?¡± ¡°No, no, I¡¯m not saying you didn¡¯t try¡ªyou were amazing¡ªyou did everything you could with saving him, and all. But, just, like¡­ why?¡± Alicia wondered. ¡°Not to sound heartless, but¡­ why put yourself through all of that?¡± Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. ¡°Because, I have to try?¡± Tabitha answered in that quiet voice. ¡°It¡¯s all so... complicated. I have to change things, if I¡¯m going to survive. Because, I know I can¡¯t go through life like I did before all over again. I¡¯d rather die. But, then changing everything is so terrifying, sometimes so much worse than it was before! I feel like¡­ like I¡¯m losing my grip on who I was in the first place¡ªor who I¡¯m supposed to be¡ªor what I wanted? What I¡¯m doing?¡± ¡°So... you¡¯re¡ª¡± ¡°The Julia from my last life would understand that I can¡¯t save everyone. I think she¡¯d be cross at me for putting that burden on myself, for even trying. B-but, the things that happened that made Julia think like that¡ªthat made Julia the way she is¡ªI-I can¡¯t let them happen to her. I¡¯m not ever going to let them happen to her. ¡°So, the Julie in this lifetime will never be the Julie I knew. And, maybe I¡¯m robbing her of everything that defined her, everything that made her¡­ her? She¡¯ll never understand my writing, understand me the way she did, and I don¡¯t even know if I¡¯m saving her anymore or¡­ erasing her real existence?¡± Who the hell is Julie? Alicia¡¯s head felt like it was spinning at the sudden detour onto what sounded like a really heavy topic. Or, is it Julia? ¡°What would the past, er, your future Julia want you to do? The one you knew?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°She would¡­ choose not to exist,¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice was wavering now, on the edge of tears. ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s exactly what she did. I just¡ªI can¡¯t¡ªI don¡¯t want things to be that way! I¡¯m not going to let those things happen to her, I won¡¯t ever let those things happen to her, but then that also probably means my Julie, the Julie I knew really is gone forever! And, then it¡¯s like, what¡¯s the fucking point of any of this?! I never¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha. Tabitha!¡± Alicia urged, clambering down from the bed as Tabitha¡¯s voice continued to rise. She could tell her increasingly bewildering friend was working herself up into some kind of hysteria now, and she didn¡¯t want the adults running over to check on them. ¡°Th-the first thing I did?¡± Tabitha bawled, ¡°When I realized what the fuck happened to me, that I was back in time? I broke down and started crying. Just like this. Because it sucks. You were right about that. The future¡ªmy future¡ªrepeating all of this, is lame and it sucks. And, I hate it. I hate it.¡± ¡°Ssh, shh, it¡¯s okay! It¡¯s okay, I believe you,¡± Alicia awkwardly pulled Tabitha into a hug to try to comfort her. She heard footsteps coming down the narrow hallway of the mobile home. ¡°Everything¡¯s gonna be okay.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not,¡± Tabitha¡¯s body wracked with sobs. ¡°It¡¯s not okay! I¡¯m¡ª¡± ¡°You girls okay in here?¡± Mr. Moore opened the door partway, sending a narrow band of light from the hall stabbing across Tabitha¡¯s tiny bedroom. ¡°Tabitha?¡± ¡°She¡¯s just¡ª¡± Alicia turned to give him a worried look, but was thankful he didn¡¯t enter. She was just in her underwear and a borrowed oversized shirt to sleep in. Despite the unusual circumstances, Mr. Moore was practically still a stranger to her. ¡°It¡¯s... been a long day? We just need a little time.¡± ¡°...Okay,¡± Mr. Moore hesitated. ¡°You two need anything at all, don¡¯t be ¡®fraid to just holler. We¡¯re all right out in the other room.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Alicia gave him a weak smile. Tabitha refused to raise her head. ¡°You¡¯ve both been up on channel seven twice now, already,¡± he reported. ¡°Last news was, Officer Macintire got life-flighted from Springton General to Louisville. Still in critical condition, and¡­ well, you girls did everything you could, and we¡¯re so proud of the both of you. He¡¯s in all our prayers.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Alicia said again, trying not to start tearing up herself. Tabitha¡¯s crying seemed to redouble in intensity, and after giving the girls a pained look, Mr. Moore quietly closed the door to give the girls their privacy. Muffled sobs sounded out in the small enclosure of Tabitha¡¯s dark room for several long minutes, and all Alicia could think to do was hold her friend in a tight hug. Wondering what the hell she could do. ¡°All of it for nothing,¡± Tabitha cried. ¡°Nothing¡¯s changed. Nothing really changes. Knew I couldn¡¯t. Knew I couldn¡¯t change anything¡ª¡± ¡°Ssh ssh sshh, we don¡¯t know anything for sure yet,¡± Alicia whispered, cradling Tabitha¡¯s head against her shoulder. ¡°We¡¯re going to figure everything out, okay?¡± She¡¯s not crazy. It¡¯s just¡ª a lot happened today, with the shooting. She¡¯s... out of sorts. Who wouldn¡¯t be? Maybe more than just today¡ªa lot happened over a lot of days, and her stress just has her jumping to weird conclusions in her head? Alicia didn¡¯t want to believe any of Tabitha¡¯s claims, because they seemed awful dark. Ominous. The more she thought about them, the less she liked the time travel idea. Which was a problem, because Tabitha¡¯s act was getting pretty convincing. ¡°Hey, Tabitha?¡± Alicia asked in a whisper, gently rocking the crying girl back and forth. ¡°Did you know me, in the future?¡± Still shedding tears and letting out tiny sniffling sobs, Tabitha simply shook her head from side to side, answering in the negative. ¡°Really?¡± Alicia was a little surprised. ¡°That was one of the things I kept thinking was weird, though. You kind of singled me out back then in school.¡± ¡°¡ªrd about you,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Heard about you,¡± Tabitha repeated. ¡°You became a big artist. Drew stuff for magazines. You were from Springton.¡± ¡°I do?¡± Alicia blinked in the darkness, surprised. ¡°Big? Like, big big? Famous?¡± ¡°Not big big,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I don¡¯t think. Just. Successful? Wanted you to draw goblins for me.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± Alicia didn¡¯t know if she should be disappointed or elated. ¡°Tell me something else, then. What do I gotta invest in, to make big bucks in the future?¡± ¡°Alphaco,¡± Tabitha said into her shoulder. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°Alphaco,¡± Tabitha pulled away, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. ¡°Alphabet corporation. Sorry. I¡¯m sorry for... losing it like that.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, it¡¯s fine,¡± Alicia patted the girl¡¯s arm reassuringly. ¡°I cried today, too. I lost it, like, right in the middle of everything happening back there right at the scene. Remember?¡± ¡°Alphabet Corporation,¡± Tabitha said again. ¡°They make a search engine called Google. Named after googol¡ªten to the hundreth power.¡± ¡°Googol? A¡ªa search engine?¡± ¡°For the web. The internet. Indexes everything on the internet,¡± Tabitha explained in a weak voice, rubbing her wet eyes. ¡°You ask Google what you¡¯re looking for, and it finds whatever. Everyone uses it.¡± ¡°Everyone uses it?¡± Alicia tried not to sound doubtful. ¡°And, that makes money in the future?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Advertisements, tracking data. Companies want to know what you search, profile you. Then, ads you see are always related to what you want. Money. Lots of money.¡± ¡°That sounds¡­ clever?¡± Alicia admitted. That scary thing was happening again, where the things Tabitha said were somehow more thought-out and convincing than they ought to be. ¡°Is that legal?¡± ¡°It¡¯s all in fine print somewhere or other,¡± Tabitha shrugged with a sniffle. ¡°Wait, are you investing in stuff?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°I guess?¡± Tabitha shrugged again. ¡°Someday? Completely broke now. So, not soon. Most of the big companies that are still around in twenty-forty-five don¡¯t even exist yet. Alphaco should have their IPO a couple years after we graduate, though. I think? Was going to have us put whatever we had into that.¡± ¡°What¡¯s an IPO?¡± ¡°Initial public offering. So that we can buy stocks. Maybe a hundred dollars a share? Something like that?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­ if you¡¯re from the future and know that ahead of time, then you¡¯re already basically super rich? Or, you will be?¡± ¡°Maybe in twenty years, yeah,¡± Tabitha gave Alicia a helpless look. ¡°Won¡¯t help us much when we actually need it¡ªand getting enough shares at all isn¡¯t going to be easy. It¡¯s a popular stock. Or, it will be.¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Alicia took a deep breath. ¡°I can barely even see you, but can you like, look me right in my eyes, one hundred percent dead serious and swear on someone¡¯s grave that you¡¯re actually from the future?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Okay. I still don¡¯t think I actually believe you, not deep down,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°But, I really want to. You¡¯re either from the future, or some kind of smart that¡¯s kinda scary. Do you have anything that can like, prove things beyond any doubt?¡± ¡°Nine eleven,¡± Tabitha sighed, hanging her head until her face fell into her hands. ¡°The big terrorist thing. It happens September eleventh, and pretty soon. I know it was Bush and not Clinton in office, but it¡¯s somewhere right after the year two thousand. You won¡¯t have to worry about Y2K.¡± ¡°Wait¡ªI think my parents are putting money in a Y2K.¡± ¡°Probably a 401k. Y2K¡¯s a computer bug that has to do with the millenium, but it turns out to be this big false alarm. Nothing major happens.¡± Finally, found a little hole in her story, Alicia thought to herself, torn between feeling relieved and feeling disappointed. Bush was the president BEFORE Clinton, not the one after. That was scary¡ªshe was starting to actually get me going with all of this. But... she¡¯s going through a lot. I can play along. ¡°Oh, yeah. That might be it, 401k,¡± Alicia nodded agreeably. ¡°Sorry. So, is there any way to prevent the big terrorist thing?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha seemed at a loss. ¡°Not¡­ that I can think of. I mean, I haven¡¯t thought about it much, because I¡¯ve been focused on the here and now, but¡­ anything off the top of my head I could try will get me in very, very serious trouble. I also wouldn¡¯t have any proof or explanation. Also, then the terrorists will probably just plan something else that I don¡¯t know about.¡± ¡°If you know who the terrorists are¡ªmaybe just tell the cops about them beforehand?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ complicated,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Bigger than that. From what I remember, it took us years to catch up with them regardless. Years, and a lot of military deployment. They¡¯re not in a good place for us to get to.¡± ¡°Russia?¡± Alicia guessed. ¡°The middle east,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Ah. Don¡¯t know much about them,¡± Alicia looked thoughtful. ¡°What¡¯s their beef in the first place?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a long story,¡± Tabitha said, letting herself fall back onto the spread of sheets on the floor. ¡°And¡­ I think I might pass out before I get anywhere with it.¡± ¡°Oh! Yeah, totally fine,¡± Alicia said, climbing up off the floor to sit back on the edge of Tabitha¡¯s bed. ¡°Um. I know it¡¯s not much, but... I¡¯m weirdly believing you more and more?¡± ¡°Thanks?¡± Alicia felt a little guilty comforting her friend with what now seemed like totally empty platitudes, but tonight didn¡¯t seem like the time nor place to flatten Tabitha¡¯s coping mechanism. At the same time, however, she was incredibly frustrated not knowing how Tabitha actually knew the shooting was going to happen. She couldn¡¯t even tell anymore if Tabitha completely bought into this, or if it was all an increasingly roundabout way of avoiding having to give her real answers. ¡°Although, if you are really a time traveller, you¡¯re just about the worst at covering up details and keeping it all secret and all,¡± Alicia prodded. ¡°I mean, you were checking out all of those books regarding bullet wounds and emergency medical stuff, and then you¡¯re coincidentally caught up in all this? People could connect that.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t actually check out any of those books,¡± Tabitha yawned. ¡°They never left the library.¡± ¡°Oh. Well, still¡ªlike, I noticed it.¡± ¡°You¡¯re the only one who ever came over and saw,¡± Tabitha said with a self-deprecating laugh. ¡°Just like last time through¡ªI have no friends. Nothing much has changed, no matter what I do.¡± ¡°Wait, why didn¡¯t you hide all of it from me, then?¡± Alicia chuckled. ¡°Sorry. I swear I¡¯ll let you sleep. I just, I have so many questions...¡± ¡°Wanted you to notice,¡± Tabitha murmured. ¡°Needed you to, if you were ever gonna believe me.¡± ¡°So, you were gonna tell me about all of this?¡± ¡°Yeah. Soon as you asked.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because¡­ I really wanted to not¡­ do all of this alone,¡± Tabitha admitted reluctantly. ¡°Wanted a friend.¡± ¡°Why me, though? I¡¯m just fourteen. If everything you¡¯ve said is true, you¡¯re like, actually this ninety-year-old grandma.¡± ¡°I¡¯m thirteen. Turn fourteen in December,¡± Tabitha mumbled. ¡°I just have¡­ extra memories, or something. I don¡¯t know. Definitely feel thirteen, instead of sixty. Not even just my body. I have my thirteen-year-old mind, but then also with things I shouldn¡¯t remember. Because they haven¡¯t happened yet? Can tell the difference.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia said, leaning forward in the darkness. ¡°Then. I want you to know, that whether or not you¡¯re somehow making all of this up, we¡¯re definitely friends. Okay?¡± ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°No, not ¡®thanks.¡¯ You say ¡®okay.¡¯¡± ¡°Okay.¡± They didn¡¯t speak anymore after that, but there was no way Alicia was going to be able to fall asleep. She really did seriously consider Tabitha her friend, and that was what made all of this so complicated and impossible to work her mind around. Whether she was lying about this or not, Tabitha was different; interesting. Even if nothing else tonight was real, the raw emotion her friend revealed didn¡¯t seem feigned at all. Maybe she¡¯s just fuckin¡¯ crazy? Alicia thought to herself, staring towards the ceiling with a perplexed smile. I don¡¯t even really care. Not like I had the guts to tell her I don¡¯t have any other friends either. 11: Making new friends. ¡°Good morning everyone! I¡¯m Tom Bradshaw with Channel Seven News¡ªlive, local and late-breaking news you can trust covering the Fairfield, Springton, and Sandboro areas. We have new information today on yesterday¡¯s Springton South Main shooting, where multiple police officers were locked in a deadly gun battle with a man identified as Jeremy Redford of West Virginia. Two officers were injured, and one remains in critical condition. We take you now to our own Channel Seven¡¯s Kathy Anderson with more on this story.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that just crazy?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh grabbed the remote off the kitchen counter and turned the volume on their TV up several green bars. ¡°That happened right here in town.¡± ¡°Uh-huh.¡± Sharing her mother¡¯s long legs, blonde hair and striking good looks, fourteen-year-old Elena Seelbaugh was perched on one of their bar stools for breakfast at the counter in their expensively furnished kitchen. Like her mother, she woke up early every morning and tackled each day with a plan. She¡¯d already finished deciding her outfit for school, styled her hair, and applied light makeup to accentuate her best features. When Elena turned her attention to their kitchen television set, aerial footage from the Channel 7 News helicopter was showing the familiar parking lot of a nearby Springton strip mall, filled with police cruisers and an ambulance. ¡°I know where that is,¡± Elena remarked, glancing from the TV back to the puzzle on the back of her cereal box. ¡°That¡¯s over by where we used to go for soccer practice. Right?¡± ¡°Yeah, South Main street,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh replied. ¡°That¡¯s close, though, that¡¯s just a few blocks down from where¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªThank you, Tom.¡± Channel 7¡¯s view cut to an inoffensive mid-thirties woman in a blazer, standing beside a small two-lane street. Behind the reporter, a hillside of rather decrepit mobile homes rose up to meet a gas station and a liquor store. ¡°Wait, where is that?¡± Elena made a face. ¡°Officer Darren Macintire of Springton first pulled the suspect over here, in what residents call the lower park of Sunset Estates, for what should have been a routine stop.¡± The camera panned across a well-trodden roadside median of weeds and gravel blocked off with yellow tape. ¡°Shortly after stepping out of his vehicle, however, Officer Macintire was taken surprise by gunfire¡ªhe was shot in the chest at close range and then left for dead, right here beside the road.¡± The screen then snapped back to frame the reporter woman. ¡°Officer Macintire was just entering his ninth year with Springton PD, and remains in critical condition after being life-flighted to the University of Louisville Hospital. We now have the police dispatch recording of the two Springton High students who may have saved this officer¡¯s life.¡± ¡°Springton High kids?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh repeated in surprise, turning to her daughter. ¡°Did you hear that?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena replied, sitting up and watching their television set with new interest. ¡°I¡¯m listening.¡± A somewhat fuzzy audio file began to play, with dialogue presented sentence by sentence in white lettering beneath two different yearbook photos. The first picture was ¡®Alicia Brooks,¡¯ a softly-smiling scrawny black girl Elena didn¡¯t recognize, but the second one¡­ ¡°Officer down!¡± It was the clear voice of a young teenage girl. ¡°We have an officer down at thirteen twenty two South Main street. He¡¯s shot, he¡¯s¡ªhe¡¯s bleeding everywhere.¡± ¡°Hello, can you repeat that address?¡± An adult voice, presumably the dispatcher, responded. No effing way. Elena dropped her spoon beside her bowl of cereal with a clatter, scattering droplets of milk. The second picture was the unsmiling wide face of Tubby Tabby, in the terribly unflattering 8th grade yearbook photo from Laurel Middle. The caption beneath the picture even confirmed it¡ª¡®Tabitha Moore.¡¯ Leaning forward over the countertop on her stool, Elena listened in disbelief as the recording played out. ¡°Thirteen twenty-two south Main street, it¡¯s the lower trailer park. One, three, two, two, South Main. Lower trailer park.¡± ¡°Help is on the way, they should be with you shortly. Is the shooter still at that location?¡± ¡°No, he¡¯s¡ªthe shooter drove off. I need um, sorry, I have to stop the bleeding.¡± ¡°Hold on, I need you to stay on the line. Honey? I need you to stay with me on the line. Are you still there?¡± Tabitha Moore, Elena thought, swiping her spoon off of the countertop and turning to grab a napkin from the holder. The whole school¡¯s going to go crazy. This is a huge deal! An individual was usually only the talk of Springton high for a week at most before becoming forgotten, old news. Tabitha, however, was a unique topic that seemed to always linger on everyone¡¯s minds. She was an extraordinarily visible beauty, while at the same time, she was inexplicably socially disconnected from the general student populace. No one seemed to know anything concrete about her¡ªexcept that she was incredibly attractive¡ªand that made her the fantasy dream girl for boys, whose imaginations were all too happy to fill in any of the blanks. The girls, for the most part, despised her. Spiteful new stories about her were constantly being started by drama diva agitators, but there was no one close to Tabitha to offer counter statements or put out any of the fires. As a result, the gossip always seemed to run on unchecked and grow out of proportion with each retelling. Eventually, they became tall tales so absurd that nobody really believed any of them. ¡°Hello? H-hello?¡± A different girl¡¯s voice, this time. Elena wondered which one was Alicia and which was Tabby. ¡°Hello, we have help on the way but I need you to sit tight for me if you can do that. Has anyone else been hurt?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Can you describe the shooter? Are you still there?¡± ¡°Th-the shooter was a white male, in his, uh in his twenties. He was going, uh, he was¡ªSouthbound on South Main, he¡¯s in¡ªhe¡¯s in a Lincoln Continental with West Virginia plates. White, a white Lincoln Continental.¡± ¡°That¡¯s southbound, in a white Lincoln Continental?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Okay, thank you. Just sit tight please, we have an ambulance on the way there to you now.¡± ¡°These two brave young girls remained at the scene with the downed officer, and were able to stabilize his condition until paramedics were able to arrive at the scene,¡± Kathy Anderson continued. ¡°Their detailed description of the suspect vehicle may have been instrumental in the resolution of what we¡¯re now calling the South Main Shooting.¡± The view then changed to what Elena assumed was footage from yesterday, of Tabitha¡ªthe ¡®new¡¯ Tabitha, lithe and effortlessly beautiful¡ªbeing interviewed along with that scrawny black girl. Evening had apparently fallen and it was getting dark out in the picture, but dozens of bystanders from the trailer park and uniformed policemen were milling about in the background. Tabitha¡¯s red hair was a little more tangled than usual, and while she was wearing one of those expensive designer blouses of hers, it was now dirtied, spotted with little dark flecks. Oh my God. Is that blood? ¡°Were you two scared, seeing all of this go down right in front of you?¡± The man offering the microphone asked the girls. ¡°Yeah,¡± the black girl blurted out in response, looking a little shell-shocked from the ordeal. ¡°I was. I was so scared.¡± ¡°I was terrified,¡± Tabitha gave a weak smile, not quite looking at the camera. She managed to look amazing, poignant somehow, captivating even when she was bedraggled and exhausted. There was a certain serene sadness to her that was picturesque. ¡°I¡¯m still terrified. I don¡¯t know that I¡¯ll feel any less scared until I know that the officer¡¯s going to be okay.¡± ¡°Well, our thoughts and prayers are all going out to Officer Macintire and his family, hoping for his quick recovery,¡± Tom Bradshaw concluded as the screen snapped back to the studio view. She saved a cop? Elena¡¯s blue eyes narrowed as the shifting implications whirled through her head. This is gonna change everything. In a town this small, it¡¯s gonna change what people can say about her¡ªand, to who. For instance, Elena was still just a freshman, but she had her sights set on Matthew Williams, who was indisputably the cutest sophomore guy. Everyone knew that Matt¡¯s dad was a cop. I think it¡¯s time Tabitha and I have a talk, Elena quickly decided. Currently, the consensus around school was that Tabitha was an exchange student from California, but Elena knew she was actually Tubby Tabby from Laurel Middle, but had gotten liposuction and plastic surgery. After making the news like this, soon everyone would know. Tabitha Moore¡­ the trailer trash girl, Elena remembered, quirking her lip. Back in Laurel, that¡¯s how everyone had known the girl, and her Lower Park heritage still featured prominently in the ongoing topics of gossip around Springton High. Word was that Tabitha¡¯s parents supposedly owned the entire Sunset Estates trailer park; they were rich upstarts. Alternatively, there was the story that they used to be rich, and were forced to live in poverty due to any number of possible circumstances¡ªdrugs, gambling, malpractice lawsuits¡ªand now, Tabitha would do anything for money. Or, maybe Tabitha lived with her twenty-two year old boyfriend in Sunset Estate, and there were no parents in the picture at all. Possibly, Tabitha came out as a lesbian to her rich parents and was then disowned; now she had to live on her own in a terrible mobile home with just a tiny stipend to get by on. ¡°Oh my word,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh cupped her hand over her mouth, turning to her daughter in shock. ¡°Do you know either of those girls?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena replied, snapping out of her thoughts. ¡°Sorta. One of them¡¯s in my first period class. Marine Science. Tabitha Moore.¡± ¡°Wait, that Tabitha? The one who was caught doing things with the teacher?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh frowned in disapproval. ¡°Uh, I guess she wasn¡¯t. It turns out,¡± Elena shrugged, trying to remember what hearsay she¡¯d already passed on to her Mom over the weeks of the first semester. Now that her stance on Tabitha was about to change, she regretted saying anything back then at all. ¡°One of the deans caught wind of the rumor and people got called up to the office, had to talk to the counselors. I think the story was made up? It got narrowed down to this one junior and three sophomore girls who were just trying to start shit.¡± Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. ¡°Start stuff,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh absentmindedly corrected. ¡°Yeah, start stuff,¡± Elena rolled her eyes dramatically. I¡¯m almost fifteen, now. Jesus. ¡°Well, the one with the red hair, she¡¯s the spitting image of Shannon Delain,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh crossed around the counter and into the living room, where she opened up the bottom cabinet below the entertainment center. ¡°Girl I went to school with.¡± ¡°Shannon... Delain?¡± Elena asked. She didn¡¯t actually care, but her mother¡¯s habit of gabbing away was always easiest to manage when she feigned appropriate interest in all of those old news ancient history stories of hers as if they would ever be relevant. ¡°Yeah, Shannon Delain,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh slid out a dusty scrapbook and cracked it open. ¡°If she did have a daughter, though, she wouldn¡¯t be your age. I don¡¯t think? When I was first pregnant with you, Shannon was headin¡¯ off to be this big-shot Hollywood actress.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ uh, cool?¡± Elena responded distractedly. ¡°The resemblance is just uncanny, though.¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh muttered, pawing through the scrapbook pages. ¡°I wonder whatever happened to her¡ªwe were good friends.¡± Maybe Tabitha is finally the friend I need, Elena thought, taking a sip of orange juice as she idly watched commercials flash by. The leverage I need. Her group of girls from Laurel had been broken up into different courses and classes in Springton, and some of them¡ªCarrie in particular¡ªhad sold out, toadying up instead to some of the older sophomore and junior cliques. Elena was prepared, she was outgoing, she had all the looks and attitude of a winner, but starting as a freshman at the bottom rung of Springton¡¯s hierarchy had still been an enormous setback for her. Now, this girl, this new Tabby who¡¯d seemed like too much of a gamble before could be her ticket to regain all of that lost social traction.
Tabitha felt sick. Her red hair was pulled into a ponytail which bobbed with each plodding step of her daily morning exercise. She wasn¡¯t in very good form today¡ªas the sun began to rise she was seeing the nauseating reminder of a taped-off crime scene at the lower end of her jogging loop around the trailer park. There was vomit in one of the living room waste baskets shortly after checking the local news, and she planned on skipping breakfast because that urge to retch and dry heave just wasn¡¯t going away. Jeremy Redford died, because of me, Tabitha grimaced and her pace awkwardly slackened again. Oddly enough, she realized she hadn¡¯t ever put much thought into the shooter these past months, just the shooting. He¡¯d existed in her head somewhat as a plot device, rather than a person. A faceless criminal who¡¯d never been identified, one who quickly disappeared into the annals of history in her last life. Except, this time¡ªbecause of her actions¡ªhis white Lincoln Continental was spotted a little over a mile down South Main, where it led police cruisers on a surprisingly brief high-speed chase. Which ended abruptly when a cruiser traveling on a perpendicular route T-boned the Continental, violently forcing it out of an intersection, through a curb, sidewalk, and concrete divider, and finally into several parked cars in a shopping plaza. Springton PD had been out for blood, and when that Jeremy Redford of West Virginia stumbled out of his car and fired several wild shots... he was immediately put down in what could only be called a hail of gunfire. Oooph, Tabitha paled. She felt her throat constrict and she almost threw up again just thinking about it. Their local news on Channel Seven didn¡¯t normally have big, exciting stories, and unsurprisingly they were running variations of the South Main Shooting every hour. She knew, in a detached way, that exchanging the criminal¡¯s life for the police officer¡¯s was potentially the best outcome. There hadn¡¯t been much of any consideration past that, really. It was the clear-cut right thing to do, in her mind. Despite deciding that, however, feeling directly responsible for the death of the man weighed on her in all the wrong ways, a formless and nauseating pressure. If the police officer had died again, then that was one thing, because maybe that¡¯s just what was originally supposed to happen. Jeremy Redford died specifically because of what she¡¯d done. That¡¯s not even what I should be worried about¡­ Tabitha lurched to a stop and stood on the sidewalk in the early morning light, stooping over with her hands resting on her knees. She wasn¡¯t even winded by her running routine anymore¡ª no, instead she felt like she¡¯d been punched in the gut. Alicia knows everything, now. I WAS open about all those library books on purpose, Tabitha told herself, trying to steady her breathing and calm herself down. I DID want her to slowly piece it all together. Then, she¡¯d eventually confront me, and it¡¯d be this big cool reveal. The talk that happened last night was¡­ not cool, it was impulsive and emotional. It was dumb. God, it was so dumb. Tabitha kicked off, surging back into the angry motion of a sprint to bleed off some of these intense feelings. She hadn¡¯t actually expected Alicia to figure anything out while she was this young. Now, she knew the truth, but didn¡¯t really believe it, which was worst case scenario. If Alicia didn¡¯t completely buy into what had happened to her with coming from the future¡ªwell, a future, anyways¡ªshe wouldn¡¯t have the seriousness, the gravity of the situation to compel her to keep it secret no matter what. This could get messy, Tabitha forced herself to lower the pace and measure her footsteps again. No. It IS messy. I knew it would be. But¡­ I tried my best? Officer Macintire¡¯s still in critical condition, but that¡¯s certainly better than bleeding out on route to the hospital, like last time. Probably? Probably better, Tabitha winced. How long is it safe to be in ¡®critical condition¡¯ for? Hours? Days? What defines the condition as not being critical anymore? While the overall result was better than she¡¯d feared, looking back on it in hindsight, a lot of her planning had evaporated right out of her head in the heat of the moment. She¡¯d intended on reciting the Continental¡¯s license plate number back then when she¡¯d tossed Alicia the radio handset¡ªonly to realize that she¡¯d completely missed catching it, and the car was obviously already long gone. For over a month she¡¯d been drilling herself on a plan of specifics, but when it finally happened¡ªher nerves were so taut she never even thought to spare a glance at the license plate. Likewise, most of the emergency first-aid instruction she¡¯d so carefully studied seemed to vanish like smoke when she¡¯d grasped for them, and only after Officer Williams arrived and began running through basic steps did Tabitha begin to remember. Looking back on it now, there was a certain surreal quality to it all, like watching herself in a dream. But, it¡¯s whatever. Crisis is over, everything¡¯s done and past, now, Tabitha swallowed, trying to settle her feeling of unease. It¡¯s whatever. Over and done with.
To her surprise, stepping off of the school bus with Alicia and nervously entering Springton High¡¯s campus commons¡­ nothing out of the ordinary happened at all. No one was eyeing her any more than usual, and none of the other students approached her. Despite wanting it to be over and done with, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but feel like the fallout from this ordeal was still lingering overhead, sure to come down on her at any moment. Of course they wouldn¡¯t know or even notice! Tabitha realized, almost wanting to laugh at herself. It¡¯s the year nineteen-ninety-eight. There¡¯s no social media. No Myspace or Facebook or Alphapage where everyone¡¯s seeing a story pop up instantly in their feeds. Teenagers aren¡¯t particularly predilected to watch boring news channels in the first place. If anything, dozens of eyes were on Alicia, this time. Tabitha had gifted her friend one of the blouse prototypes that had been put together over the summer. This particular project started as a short-sleeve cream-colored cocktail dress, that featured a rather lovely lace motif along the neckline and midsection. Though Tabitha absolutely adored the design, it would just never be a color she could wear. Blouses in shades of cream and tan weren¡¯t, in her opinion, for girls with a skintone as dreadfully pale white as hers. Grandma Laurie had insisted it was fine, that she¡¯d find a look she was comfortable wearing it with, but honestly, it looked so much more amazing on Alicia, like it had been made for her. The girl¡¯s dark skin stood out, directly contrasting the cream lace and embroidery, being at the opposite end of the same natural palette of colors. ¡°So, is everyone here like, little kids to you?¡± Alicia leaned in and whispered, sharing a conspiratorial grin. ¡°Since you¡¯re this old lady?¡± She was sticking close to Tabitha now, awkward and fidgeting excitedly like a skittish young doe at everyone¡¯s new attention to her appearance. ¡°I¡¯m not an old lady,¡± Tabitha insisted. ¡°You are on the inside though, right?¡± Alicia pressed. ¡°Sixty-year-old granny?¡± ¡°I¡­¡± Tabitha paused, uncomfortable. I wasn¡¯t a Grandma. Or even ever a Mom. ¡°I did feel that way at first with everything, felt this sort of age gap. Thought of my dad as a young man, felt like the high-schoolers here were just so dreadfully young. But that¡¯s¡­ been going away.¡± ¡°Going away like, disappearing?¡± Alicia blinked at her. ¡°Like, Marty McFly fading out of photos because the future changes kind of disappearing?¡± ¡°No, not like that,¡± Tabitha shook her head, furrowing her brow in concentration. ¡°Or maybe¡­ only a little like that? It¡¯s more like the old lady I was, and the unhappy tubby little trailer trash girl¡ªthey¡¯re not who I am anymore. I¡¯m¡­ something I¡¯ve never been before? A new direction, a new, different person¡­?¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Alicia said, looking around. It seemed like she was in a playful, teasing mood, but she didn¡¯t have a joke to commit to that one. I have a friend, Tabitha thought, feeling a little surprised. While she and Alicia had been walking rather aimlessly around the quad area¡¯s patio tables, where dozens of students were chatting before first bell, Tabitha only now realized how things must look. I mean. We were friends before, I think? Hanging out and talking in the library at lunch. But now, we LOOK like we¡¯re friends, to other people. I¡¯ve been wearing these DIY dress tops to school for a while now, and now we¡¯re both wearing them¡ªand people are noticing that. People are noticing I¡¯m not alone, for once. It was such a trivial distinction, but it shocked Tabitha with how much it meant to her. How far this feeling went in suppressing that ever-present sense of loneliness and not belonging that continued to cling to her despite after everything she¡¯d done to improve herself before the school year. ¡°You alright?¡± Alicia seemed to notice Tabitha¡¯s change in expression. ¡°Yesterday was super crazy.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha gave the girl a genuine smile. Then she sighed heavily, still feeling exhausted. ¡°And... yeah.¡± ¡°Just to check¡ªyou do still have all of your future memories, right?¡± Alicia asked, still grinning. ¡°Nothing suddenly disappeared, or anything?¡± ¡°Not that I can tell,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°But, I think my local knowledge is going to be a little off from here on out, on account of the butterfly effect.¡± ¡°Uh, butterfly effect?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah,¡± Tabitha hesitated, frowning. ¡°It¡¯s a time travel thing, fairly well known in the future. I guess the butterfly effect movie isn¡¯t out for another few years, huh? Ashton Kutcher. It¡¯s about how these tiny differences can potentially snowball into big changes in the future.¡± ¡°Ashton Kutcher? Isn¡¯t he the idiot guy on That 70¡¯s Show?¡± Alicia raised an eyebrow. ¡°Kelso?¡± ¡°That 70¡¯s show?¡± Tabitha turned her head towards her friend suddenly with a muddled look of confusion. ¡°That. Shouldn¡¯t be out yet for a few more years¡­ right?¡± ¡°It¡¯s been airing for a while now,¡± Alicia informed her, giving her a look. ¡°It¡¯s on Fox. Eight-thirty.¡± ¡°Maybe I just never saw it until later, when I was older?¡± Tabitha guessed, giving her friend a sheepish look. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a terrible time-traveler,¡± Alicia chuckled, shaking her head in dismay, ¡°and butterfly effect is a line from the chaos theory thing in the first Jurassic Park, just so you know. Didn¡¯t have anything to do with time travel. You¡¯re not gonna beat me on movie trivia! I¡¯m gonna head over to my class. See you at lunch, Tabs. Thanks again for the shirt!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha made a weak smile. ¡°See you.¡± I AM a terrible time-traveler, Tabitha thought, suppressing a groan of frustration. The exchange with Alicia was all helping, though; anything to keep her mind off the man who¡¯d been killed, and the police officer who was likely dying a long, drawn-out death because of her meddling. I may have seen all nine Jurassic Park movies at some point or another over the years, but I¡¯ve never been able to keep all of the details straight. Didn¡¯t even watch them in order. Trudging on alone to her first period Marine Science class, Tabitha racked her brain trying to recall the movie errata of her last life. If I can think of something REALLY good, it¡¯ll help Alicia believe me. Nothing sprung to mind. I DO remember reading an article once, about how on average, there¡¯s a thousand films with major theatrical releases every year in the US. Even assuming that number¡¯s probably halved all the way back here in ninety-eight, the sheer VOLUME is so daunting that¡ª ¡°Hey,¡± a tall blonde girl perked up as soon as Tabitha rounded the corner to arrive at her Marine Science class. She recognized the girl, sort of¡ªthey¡¯d exchanged words briefly once, on one of the very first days of school. ¡°...Hi,¡± Tabitha froze in place, giving the girl a wary look. ¡°Tabitha? Tubby Tabby?¡± the girl laughed, showing her a playful smile. ¡°We had a couple random classes together back in Laurel. I¡¯m Elena¡ªElena Seelbaugh.¡± 12: Getting the news. ¡°I remember you,¡± Tabitha said, deciding to display a polite, somewhat distant smile. ¡°We spoke, back on the first day of school.¡± ¡°Uh, yeah!¡± Elena flashed her a cheery smile. Forty-five years ago, Tabitha would have been both frightened and enthralled by the sudden attention of one of her peers in this situation. In a lot of ways, she wished she still was that naive. The forced enthusiasm she was able to discern in Elena¡¯s expression now was yet another wet blanket cast atop Tabitha¡¯s already dampened spirits today. ¡°We haven¡¯t talked since then,¡± Tabitha pointed out, maintaining her courteous mask. ¡°Hah, uh, well... yeah,¡± Elena offered her an exaggerated wince, and then the girl¡¯s eyes shifted away in apparent guilt. Whatever, Tabitha inwardly groaned. The additional perspective Tabitha possessed made Elena¡¯s overacting seem particularly unsubtle, and she wasn¡¯t sure how she was supposed to react. Am I expected to call her out on it? Is this some hamfisted litmus test of my social viability? Whatever, I just¡­ whatever. Not today, I¡¯m not up for games. ¡°It¡¯s okay¡ªI get it,¡± Tabitha quirked her lip. I now tacitly agree that we should gloss over my awkward standing within Springton High, let¡¯s please move on to whatever topic is at hand. Don¡¯t bother to fabricate excuses¡ªI¡¯ll start to resent you for real. ¡°Guess you were watching the news last night?¡± ¡°Caught the whole story this morning, actually,¡± Elena¡¯s sheepish smile seemed slightly more genuine, this time. ¡°Did everything really happen like that? I mean, yeah¡ªI know it did¡ª¡®cause they played the dispatch and everything, but like¡­ wow. What was it like?¡± Immediately surfacing in Tabitha¡¯s mind was this morning¡¯s footage of Jeremy Redford, stumbling out of his Lincoln Continental after it¡¯d been forcibly smashed off the road by police cruisers. His face was mercifully not visible to the camera, but the panic in the way he attempted to level his firearm upon his pursuers was clear. Disoriented, he fired his gun, once into the hood of his own car, and then once into the windshield of the cruiser just beyond it. It was desperation, a cornered animal fearfully baring its fangs, and finally¡ª ¡°...It was bloody,¡± Tabitha admitted, feeling sweat on her palms. She anxiously crossed her arms in front of herself to stop from fidgeting. She wasn¡¯t about to forget the actual blood she¡¯d seen yesterday either, of course. After the paramedic had taken over her position above the fallen officer, Tabitha had simply stared in horror at her own bloody hands, unsure of what to do with them. Officer Williams noticed her predicament and rushed to her assistance with a gallon jug of water and some towels from the trunk of his vehicle. ¡°Bloody?¡± Elena repeated, both awe and disbelief in her voice. ¡°Whoa.¡± Tabitha could still picture Jeremy Redford in the moment right after he¡¯d been pulled over, the man swearing loudly and slamming his hand against the side of his steering wheel in frustration. You tried to kill a cop, I don¡¯t need to feel sorry for you, Tabitha told herself. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha finally said, not wanting to talk about it any further. ¡°Bloody.¡± ¡°Well, it was real cool what you did,¡± Elena seemed to take the hint and not press for details. ¡°Just wanted to tell you that I saw the news, and all. We should hang out sometime. Where do you eat lunch?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t really eat, anymore,¡± Tabitha put on a wry smile. Not at school, anyways. ¡°Yeah!¡± Elena exclaimed, her eyes lighting up at another topic to latch onto. ¡°Definitely noticed that, too. They put up your old Laurel school picture, and then had your little interview thing right after, and it¡¯s like¡ªis that even the same person?¡± ¡°Almost doesn¡¯t seem like it, does it?¡± Tabitha uneasily chuckled. ¡°You definitely look amazing, now,¡± Elena giggled. The tall blonde¡¯s hesitant facade was already gone, and she¡¯d deftly switched tacts into a familiar act, as if the two of them were old friends. ¡°So¡ªwhat¡¯s your secret?¡± Stomach ulcers, Tabitha was tempted to say. A dietician. Time travel. Taekwondo. Nutrition, meal-planning. Forty-some odd years of learning how to plan and structure goals for myself. Having a REASON to even try; magically being in this thirteen-year-old body again, having this impossible second chance at my entire life. ¡°Um¡ª¡± Elena noticed Tabitha¡¯s awkward pause. But yeah, most of all it¡¯s just the time travel. ¡°G¡¯morning, ladies,¡± Mr. Simmons brushed past them, loudly jangling his lanyard of keys to unlock the portable their Marine Science class was held in. ¡°¡®Scuse me, watch out, comin¡¯ through, hot coffee here, watch it.¡± ¡°Mornin¡¯,¡± Elena nodded her head. ¡°Good morning,¡± Tabitha greeted. ¡°You two hear ¡®bout that shooting last night?¡± Mr. Simmons asked, opening the door and stepping back to let the girls through. ¡°Happened right here in town.¡± ¡°Yeah, I saw the news this morning,¡± Elena beamed, shooting Tabitha a pleased look. Tabitha mustered a weak smile, feeling unsettled as Elena followed her into the classroom. She made her way across the aisles of empty desks and settled into her assigned seat, trying not to feel self-conscious. ¡°Scary stuff, scary stuff,¡± Mr. Simmons grunted, shuffling on past them up to his desk at the front of the room. ¡°Happens every other year or so in Sandboro, but here in Springton? Very unusual.¡± ¡°We should talk, after third period,¡± Elena proposed in a whisper, pausing beside Tabitha¡¯s desk and presenting her with a confidential smile. ¡°Where do you normally chill during lunch?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be in the library, today,¡± Tabitha answered, giving the other girl an appraising look. Now it¡¯s supposed to be like we¡¯re sharing a secret, and we have this special bond between us? ¡°I was gonna meet up with my friend Alicia.¡± ¡°That other girl that was on the news?¡± Elena¡¯s voice was full of feigned excitement. ¡°Awesome! Meet you guys there, then. Cool.¡± So, Elena really wants to be buddies, now? Tabitha mused, withdrawing her textbook from her bag and flipping it open. The timely nature of this teen¡¯s approach wasn¡¯t much of a coincidence, which made the friendly effort seem rather... lacking in sincerity. But¡­ it¡¯s not exactly like I didn¡¯t have ulterior motives when I first introduced myself to Alicia. Who am I to talk?
Just a few hours later, Elena was checking out their surroundings in Springton High¡¯s library, looking across the rows of books at the lunchtime regulars sitting in the central computer lab in thinly-disguised disapproval. Not a fan of Oregon trail and Carmen Sandiego? Or, is it that we¡¯re not as VISIBLE to the general student populace when we hang out in here? ¡°Hi! I¡¯m Elena,¡± Elena said, giving Alicia a small wave despite them already being close enough to shake hands. ¡°Alicia, right? Saw you on the news, too. I love your blouse!¡± Do high school girls not give each other handshakes? Tabitha wondered with a tired smile as they sat down at one of the study tables. Is that the wrong common sense to use here? Maybe I spent too many years in a professional setting? ¡°Uh. Yeah. Hi?¡± Alicia said warily, looking from Elena to Tabitha for explanation. ¡°This... is my new friend, Elena,¡± Tabitha gestured. ¡°She used to bully me in middle school.¡± ¡°What?¡± Elena gave Tabitha a shocked look and playfully slapped at her shoulder as if to say you sure know how to kid around. ¡°I totally did not! You said you didn¡¯t even remember me!¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Everyone bullied me. I¡¯m getting past it.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t pick on you, though,¡± Elena insisted, looking personally aggrieved. ¡°I didn¡¯t! Name one mean thing I ever said to you.¡± ¡°Like I said, it¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°I get it. Just wanted Alicia to have some perspective.¡± ¡°Is this... supposed to happen?¡± Alicia broke into a nervous grin and looked at Tabitha. ¡°What¡¯s the story, here?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know?¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I think I only got two hours of sleep¡ªI¡¯m just trying to keep up with everything, at this point. Don¡¯t even remember what I¡¯m supposed to have read last night for AP English.¡± ¡°You¡¯re in AP English?¡± Elena asked in disbelief. ¡°You can¡¯t be. I¡¯m in AP English.¡± ¡°Then, you probably have the other teacher, Mr. Cooke,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°There¡¯s two freshman AP English classes; I¡¯m in Mrs. Albertson¡¯s AP English.¡± ¡°But¡­ like, I remember you from Mrs. Hodge¡¯s Lang Arts class, before,¡± Elena said, her brow furrowing in apparent confusion. ¡°Your grades weren¡¯t that good.¡± ¡°Got a recommendation from the school board, because of the essay I wrote back for the Language Arts final,¡± Tabitha revealed. ¡°Part of the essay got published in the Tribune over the summer.¡± ¡°Are you serious?¡± Elena¡¯s mouth fell open in surprise. ¡°What was it about?¡± ¡°Small world, then, huh?¡± Alicia commented, giving them both a suspicious look. ¡°Old classmates? What a coincidence. Let me guess, Tabitha¡ªwas your essay about the future? Can I read it?¡± ¡°Small town. Small towns are like this, it¡¯s not that unusual. And¡­ it was about the future, yes,¡± Tabitha grudgingly admitted. ¡°The essay¡¯s called Social Media. Mrs. Albertson has a full copy of it printed out somewhere, if you want to read it.¡± ¡°I want to read it!¡± Elena jumped back into the conversation. ¡°Social Media, you said? I¡¯m planning to be a journalist, once I¡ª¡± ¡°Are you one of the girls spreading rumors about Tabs?¡± Alicia interrupted, leaning over to rest her chin on her knuckle as she observed Elena. ¡°There¡¯s a lot of real ignorant talk going around.¡± ¡°Of course not!¡± Elena appeared indignant. ¡°That was all Kaylee. Her and her little cronies that¡¯re in Marine Sci with Tabby and I. They already got called up to the office and got a warning. Oh, and Carrie. Tabby, do you remember Carrie? She was with us in Laurel, too. Carrie¡¯s always been talking shit about you.¡± ¡°I wonder why?¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°I don¡¯t even remember what she looks like.¡± ¡°It¡¯s ¡®cause she feels threatened?¡± Elena shrugged dismissively. ¡°Because of the way you look, now? She sure remembers you.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s it. It would¡¯ve been the same either way¡ªthey¡¯d still find some reason to pick on me, some new angle. I just don¡¯t understand why, really. Back then, I was bullied directly. I wasn¡¯t a person, I was a goblin, a concept, I was the metric of person that defined the bottom of their power hierarchy. I didn¡¯t like it¡ªI don¡¯t like it¡ªbut, I understand it. ¡°As far as I can tell, the way I¡¯m bullied now is very different. Indirect, this time. I¡¯m being intentionally excluded, others are being pressured not to become friends with me. Malicious rumors are spread about me; attempting to embarrass me, to harm my perceived reputation. It¡¯s never been like this.¡± ¡°That¡¯s just what it¡¯s like being a normal teenage girl?¡± Elena spread her hands in a helpless gesture. ¡°Hah. Welcome to the club?¡± ¡°People don¡¯t treat me that way,¡± Alicia argued. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. ¡°You¡¯re invisible, no offense,¡± Elena gave the dark-skinned girl a false smile. ¡°You don¡¯t wear makeup, you don¡¯t dress up¡ªbefore today, anyways¡ªand, you don¡¯t talk to anyone.¡± ¡°I wear makeup,¡± Alicia growled back. ¡°Anyways, speaking of all that, Tabitha¡ªthese two girls in my second period class were asking how I knew you, today.¡± ¡°How you know me?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Probably just from me wearing this,¡± Alicia added, tugging at the collar of the cream-colored blouse for emphasis. ¡°It¡¯s like... I went from innocent bystander, to enemy in their midst in like, zero seconds flat. They were all pissed off, now they have to whisper instead of just bullshitting out loud like they usually do.¡± ¡°Which girls, who asked you?¡± Elena asked, leaning forward with interest. ¡°What¡¯d you tell them?¡± ¡°The truth, of course,¡± Alicia smirked at Elena. ¡°What¡¯s it to you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just trying to be friends with you guys,¡± Elena said defensively, turning to Tabitha for support. ¡°C¡¯mon, what¡¯s your problem?¡± ¡°She doesn¡¯t trust you,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°Can you, like, say something to her, then?¡± Elena growled. ¡°Geez.¡± ¡°Elena¡ªI trust you even less than she does,¡± Tabitha gave the blonde an amused look. ¡°Listen, what do you really want from us?¡± ¡°I just wanna be friends,¡± Elena explained in exasperation. ¡°I want to hang out with you guys, do friend stuff, have each other¡¯s backs, you know? Is that so much to ask?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think I like you, though,¡± Alicia stated with a smile. ¡°You don¡¯t even know me yet!¡± Elena gave her a frustrated look. ¡°That¡¯s not super fair of you, now is it?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care?¡± ¡°Hold on,¡± Tabitha held up a hand. ¡°I¡¯m sure Elena has some sort of reason for coming to us¡ªlet her explain.¡± ¡°It¡¯s Carrie,¡± Elena blurted, as if sensing this was her last chance to win them over. ¡°Carrie and I used to be best friends. Back in middle school. Like, we were a team. Slumber parties, traded diaries, practically sisters, and all that. But now, we don¡¯t have a single class together, and she¡¯s too busy sucking up to all the juniors and sophomores to even say ¡®hey, what¡¯s up¡¯ when we pass in the hall. She¡¯s this total... backstabber sell-out. Now, it¡¯s starting to be like everyone hates me and school¡¯s going to really suck.¡± ¡°Sounds rough,¡± Alicia rolled her eyes. ¡°So, you and Carrie used to bully Tabitha, am I right?¡± ¡°Sounds like you¡¯re being very rude,¡± Elena folded her arms across her chest. ¡°I don¡¯t bully people.¡± ¡°I sympathize with you, Elena,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Really. Losing a friend is hard. But, I don¡¯t know what you expect from pariahs like us. I don¡¯t imagine we have a lot in common, and I doubt we¡¯re the social capital I think you¡¯re looking for, either.¡± ¡°You are, though,¡± Elena argued, not dissuaded in the least, ¡°and, we have plenty in common. You¡¯re in AP? I¡¯m in AP. We have Marine Science together, we had classes together in Laurel. I¡¯m pretty popular¡ªor, I was¡ªand, you¡¯re more popular than you think. You¡¯re this ugly duckling gone all swan, everyone loves that kind of story¡ª¡± ¡°Apparently someone in Springton High doesn¡¯t,¡± Alicia interrupted. ¡°Maybe a lot of someones? Apparently?¡± ¡°¡ªYou wear all these amazing tops, and no one can figure out where you even buy them from. You¡¯re apparently top of the class in more than just Mr. Simmons¡¯, and, you just saved a cop¡¯s life, probably. You were on the news, so, everyone¡¯s gonna know about that, soon.¡± ¡°All of that¡¯s just about me, though,¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyebrows rose. ¡°No wonder Alicia doesn¡¯t like you.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t tryin¡¯ to diss you with any of that, Alicia,¡± Elena turned and held up a hand to forestall Alicia¡¯s response. ¡°Just, like¡ªI don¡¯t really know anything about you at all. Okay?¡± ¡°Easily remedied,¡± Tabitha said, tugging her backpack off the table and out of the way. ¡°Alicia¡ªshow her your new portfolio.¡± ¡°Tsk,¡± Alicia made a playful face, sticking out her tongue at them. ¡°Do I have to?¡± Grudgingly, Alicia took her art book out of her bag and slid it across the table to Elena. The slender blonde opened it and respectfully flipped from page to page in silence, enduring Alicia¡¯s teasing stare for several minutes. Finally, she closed the book and passed it back. ¡°Those are beyond amazing,¡± Elena admitted bluntly. ¡°You have a lot of talent, and if you¡¯re in art electives¡ªwell, everyone¡¯s gonna know it soon. I want to be your friend just as much as I want to be Tabby¡¯s friend, okay? I like, never meant for it to seem like I was brushing you off, or anything.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t like you, though,¡± Alicia said in a flat voice. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Fine, whatever,¡± Elena helplessly threw up her hands. ¡°What do you guys want me to do?¡± ¡°Apologize for bullying Tabitha back in middle school,¡± Alicia decided. ¡°For starters.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t bully her in middle school, though,¡± Elena exclaimed, rolling her eyes. ¡°Yeah, uhh¡ªI don¡¯t buy it,¡± Alicia countered, crossing her arms. ¡°At all. Seems to me like you just had a falling out with this girl Carrie, who decided to be all against Tabs. And now in your head, that makes us friends. But¡ªwe¡¯re not. To me, you¡¯re exactly the same as all those other girls who¡¯re always talking shit about Tabitha.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, Alicia,¡± Tabitha said, glancing from Alicia to Elena and back again in surprise. I never thought there would be so much contention between the two. ¡°I really don¡¯t mind what anyone says about me, anymore.¡± ¡°Well, I do,¡± Alicia scowled. ¡°Elena... look us in the eyes and tell us that coming and talking to us has nothing to do with your stupid little prom queen power games.¡±
The day rolled on, detail and definition escaping Tabitha¡¯s attention as she floundered her way forward in a distracted daze. Tabitha attended her classes, filled in her worksheets, trudged to her bus when the final bell rang, and rode it home. She had been hoping these past few weeks that a girl like Elena would reach out to her at some point¡ªbut today, of all days? She felt unprepared, off-balance, mired in an exhausting mental struggle between guilt she didn¡¯t think she deserved and the search for any shred of affirmation that she¡¯d actually done the right thing. But, there is no RIGHT thing, not to them, Tabitha sighed. They don¡¯t have the context, no one else knows how things were supposed to go. No one but me, it¡¯s just me here with my dirty little secret¡­ The phone rang several times before she snapped out of her reverie and she stared at it, reluctant to answer. Her parents weren¡¯t home when she got back from school, but now she couldn¡¯t remember why that was. With a tinge of superstitious fear she found incredibly silly, she finally stepped into the kitchen and picked up the receiver. ¡°Moore residence,¡± Tabitha spoke slowly into the handset, ¡°this is Tabitha speaking.¡± ¡°Tabitha!¡± ¡°Hi Grandma Laurie,¡± Tabitha¡¯s shoulders relaxed from a hunched posture that she didn¡¯t realize she¡¯d been holding. ¡°We heard the news last night,¡± Grandma Laurie said, ¡°I wanted to make sure I called you as soon as you got home from school. Are you okay? Have you heard anything about the police officer?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be okay,¡± Tabitha slumped down across the kitchen counter and exhaled slowly. ¡°I just didn¡¯t sleep much¡ªit was hard to calm myself down.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t know how proud I am of you, sweetie!¡± Grandma Laurie exclaimed. ¡°I was going to drive over last night, but I figured with all the fuss going on over there you didn¡¯t need me being a bother, too. Are you okay? I almost had a heart attack when I saw that you were involved in all that mess.¡± ¡°You¡¯re never a bother, Grandma,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯d love to see you soon.¡± ¡°Was that colored girl that was on the news with you one of your friends from school? Or does she live in the park there, too?¡± That COLORED girl? ¡°Alicia. She¡¯s a friend from school that was hanging out with me,¡± Tabitha explained, slapping a palm to her own face in embarrassment. ¡°Uh, Grandma¡ªplease don¡¯t call her a colored girl, or a person of color, or anything like that. She¡¯s just a teenager like me, you don¡¯t have to make any sort of racial distinction. Please.¡± Mr. Moore had once related a conversation he¡¯d had with Uncle Danny to her, with her father certain that African-Americans preferred being called blacks and Uncle Danny insisting that it was more politically correct to call them negroes. Tabitha remembered it being a discomforting topic back then, and it was many times more mortifying now. Her family wasn¡¯t actually racist¡ªwell, maybe Uncle Danny was¡ªbut the casual remarks they made out of ignorance were all the more difficult to bear after experiencing the next four decades of American culture. ¡°Sorry, Sweetie. I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re making friends at school! And that you weren¡¯t alone for all of that nonsense! Did you say her name was Alyssa?¡± ¡°Alicia,¡± Tabitha corrected with a wry smile. ¡°She¡¯s an artist.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t wait to meet her. Both of you are safe and sound and everything? Are you okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡­ yeah. I¡¯m just, sorta¡­ waiting for the other shoe to drop,¡± Tabitha admitted, rubbing her face in a bleary way. ¡°They don¡¯t know if Officer Macintire¡¯s going to make it or not. Critical condition, still.¡± ¡°Oh, Honey. I¡¯m sure that he¡¯s in good hands, and that they¡¯re doing everything they can.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha gave a helpless sigh. ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯ll be just me and the boys over here for a good long while Danny¡¯s in county waitin¡¯ on his court date. We¡¯d love to see you some weekend! The boys really got attached to you over the summer, you were such a big help.¡± ¡°Court date?¡± Tabitha went stiff. ¡°Yes, his¡ªdidn¡¯t your parents say anything to you?¡± Grandma Laurie asked in surprise. ¡°Danny was arrested, a week and a half ago.¡± ¡°No. They didn¡¯t say anything to me,¡± Tabitha grit her teeth. ¡°At all.¡± I was supposed to be ready for this. I even knew in advance that it was happening sometime around this year, and it STILL just slipped right on by me! Why the hell didn¡¯t they tell me about it? I remember them sitting down and us having ¡®a talk¡¯ about it last life. Is there too much distance between my parents and me, this time?! What¡¯s the God damned point of being back in time if I miss out on fixing the things that matter?! ¡°Well, they caught your Uncle Danny on surveillance cameras, stealing electronics from a pallet in the back of that Service Merchandise department store. Over in the Sandboro mall,¡± Grandma Laurie explained with a heavy sigh. ¡°Thirty-thousand dollars worth of IBM, Compaq, and Toshiba personal computers. He doesn¡¯t know a damned thing about computers! I don¡¯t know what on God¡¯s green earth was going through that mind of his.¡± ¡°Are the boys okay?¡± Tabitha asked, trying to swallow down her frustration. ¡°They¡¯re all little troopers, we¡¯ll be alright over here,¡± Grandma Laurie assured her. ¡°So long as I can keep them away from their momma¡ªLisa keeps trying to twist things around and tell them ¡®oh, it¡¯s a victimless crime,¡¯ and ¡®your daddy did right because he was doing it for us,¡¯ which is all just nonsense. Right¡¯s right and wrong¡¯s wrong, not a one of those computers belonged to him. Stealing¡¯s stealing, and that¡¯s all there is to it. Sorry hun, I¡¯m sure you don¡¯t want to hear me ramble on right now.¡± ¡°No¡ªno, you¡¯re absolutely right,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Try to keep them away from Aunt Lisa. I¡¯ll think of something.¡± I barely even remember Aunt Lisa, but I know she¡¯s going to ditch her incarcerated husband AND all four of her sons in short order for some new boyfriend. And, I don¡¯t think we ever hear from her again, Tabitha thought to herself with a frown. Should I try to go meet her, talk to her? I don¡¯t even know her, I never did. How the hell am I supposed to salvage this? ¡°You¡¯ll think of something?¡± Grandma Laurie sounded confused. ¡°Honey¡­¡± ¡°I¡ªyeah, tell the boys I¡¯m going to take them out to the park playground this weekend, so we can all catch up,¡± Tabitha said. She felt a headache coming on. ¡°I¡¯ll think of something.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll tell them, but¡­ well, I don¡¯t want you to go thinking you have to try to fix everything yourself, okay, Honey?¡± ¡°I¡ªI should probably at least try, though. Right?¡± Tabitha said. ¡°If I don¡¯t, then¡­ then what¡¯s the point?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯ve gotta go, Grandma. Love you. Don¡¯t forget to tell the boys, alright? This weekend.¡± ¡°Alright, dear. Love you too.¡± ¡°Bye, Grandma.¡± ¡°Bye, Sweetie.¡± Although Tabitha managed to keep her composure until the end of the phone call, she couldn¡¯t help but pull back her trembling hand, ready to hurl their cordless phone handset against the wall. She stood there in the kitchen, poised to throw, for several long, tense moments before turning and clapping the device back into the phone dock. ¡°Fuck,¡± Tabitha sniffled, swiping angrily at her watering eyes. ¡°Fuck!¡± All these second chances, these opportunities to make things right, and I¡¯m just mucking them all up, Tabitha swayed on her feet as she strode forward, almost stumbling. She needed out¡ªout of the kitchen, out of the trailer, out of this town and this time period and away from everything for a breather. I lost weight. Tried so hard to look nice and be pretty¡ªand high school finds new ways to make me miserable, instead. I try to play hero, change the whole shooting event thing, MAKE A DIFFERENCE, and someone else gets killed, instead. Maybe the cop even dies anyways! It¡¯s all just getting worse! She left her mobile home behind, pacing past the aging trailers lined up beneath the waning October sun. Taekwondo practice didn¡¯t look like it was happening today, and she instead absentmindedly watched cigarette butts and clumps of weeds pass beneath her feet with each directionless step she took. Before she realized what she was doing, Tabitha found herself standing in front of yesterday¡¯s crime scene, a small section of parking lot and roadside median sectioned off with driveway markers and yellow tape. Blabber everything to Alicia like an idiot, so of course now she thinks I¡¯m a mental case. My mother avoids me like I¡¯m diseased, we haven¡¯t spoken in what¡ªdays? Weeks? I start getting close to my cousins, because I want to be a part of their life, to be there for them, and where the hell am I when they need me the most? Going back in time, doing all of this over again¡ªwhat¡¯s the point? Where¡¯s the damn meaning in this? Why am I even¡ª ¡°Tabby! Hey, Tabby!¡± Mike yelled out, hurriedly braking to a stop next to her on his bicycle and sending pieces of gravel skittering across the asphalt. As always, the boy was barefoot. ¡°Hey, you okay?¡± Tabitha reluctantly turned to look at him, a little ashamed to find her eyes were wet all over again. ¡°Mom saw you and told me to run out and tell you right away¡ªthe police officer made it, the TV said his condition¡¯s stable,¡± Mike blurted out in a single breath. ¡°And that means, he¡¯s not gonna die.¡± ¡°He¡¯s okay?¡± Tabitha tried to blink away her tears. He¡¯s okay. ¡°He¡¯s okay, yeah,¡± Mike confirmed, nodding. ¡°Are you okay? You¡¯re crying.¡± He¡¯s okay, Tabitha felt stunned. He made it. He MADE IT! With a lunge, she stepped forward and wrapped Mike up in a fierce hug, nearly toppling the eleven-year-old boy off of his bike. ¡°Ah, geez!¡± Mike protested, trying to squirm his way out of Tabitha¡¯s embrace. ¡°Hey, cut it out, lady! I have a girlfriend, already.¡± He¡¯s alive. Yeah, I feel like I¡¯m running myself ragged, and like nothing¡¯s ever working, but¡ªbut he¡¯s alive, Tabitha told herself, letting warm tears roll down her cheeks. Like in that parable. Encountering the boy on the beach, the boy who¡¯s picking up the starfish who¡¯ve washed ashore, and then throwing them back into the ocean. ¡®Thousands of starfish dry up and die here on the sand every day, and there¡¯s only one of you,¡¯ the man says. ¡®You¡¯re not making a difference.¡¯ The boy picks up another starfish, throws it out into the waves, and says¡ª¡®Well, it sure made a difference to that one.¡¯ 13: Tabithas in trouble. After giving Mike one last teary-eyed hug, and ruffling his hair to his even louder protests, Tabitha went home. It felt like something big had changed deep inside of her, something she hadn¡¯t felt in all the months since time-tripping back to 1998. For once that tense, almost frantic compulsion to do everything she possibly could, all at once, was gone¡ªand in its wake there was only exhaustion. She felt her shoulders go slack as she re-entered her family¡¯s mobile home, forgetting for a moment that her parents were¡ªwell, somewhere else. She had no idea where they were, today. Still aching from this morning¡¯s run, Tabitha realized, letting herself collapse onto the couch of their living room and sink deep into the cushions. Pain had been such a constant for all this time that it¡¯d been shoved into a throbbing backdrop in her mind. The trailer was quiet, and she idly wondered to herself how she¡¯d even managed to get this far. She was tired, more mentally spent than she¡¯d ever realized, and it finally¡ªfinally felt like she was allowed to rest. Cleaned and organized everything, lost all that weight. Made a real friend at school, maybe more friends soon. Saved the officer¡¯s life, Tabitha thought, letting out a slow breath. No Taekwondo, not for today. I can take it easy, just for a little while. I don¡¯t need to run and practice forms every single day. She was already in trim shape, and unlike where she¡¯d been at this age in her previous life, she didn¡¯t suffer much in the way of cravings for food. After living through stomach ulcers that had hospitalized her more than once, she first associated eating with debilitating pain and nausea, rather than satisfaction. She¡¯d almost drifted off to sleep right there on the sofa when the phone began to ring, momentarily startling her. Combing errant red strands of hair out of her face, she wearily clambered up off the couch and found her way over to pick up the phone. Probably Grandma Laurie again, just getting the news. ¡°Moore residence, this is Tabitha speaking,¡± she said. ¡°How may I help you?¡± ¡°Tabitha Moore?¡± A woman¡¯s voice, and not one she recognized. ¡°My name is Sandy¡ªSandra Macintire. Rob found me your number, but I didn¡¯t¡ªI wasn¡¯t, um, I¡¯m so sorry for not getting a hold of you until now. You saved my husband¡¯s life. You saved my husband¡¯s life, and I can¡¯t ever, ever thank you enough.¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s voice was awash with emotion, and it sounded like she was beginning to cry over the phone, bringing tears back to Tabitha¡¯s eyes and making her choke up. ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha managed. ¡°I just heard it was on the news, myself. I¡¯m really glad he¡¯s going to be okay. I, um. Wasn¡¯t doing okay at all myself, until I knew for sure.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t, either,¡± Mrs. Macintire tried to chuckle but had to stifle a sob instead. ¡°Oh, honey, I wasn¡¯t, either. B-but they say he¡¯s, he¡¯s going to be alright now. That it¡¯s just going to be some time before¡ªbefore he¡¯s back on his feet, and up and around again and everything. Thank you so much, I can¡¯t ever thank you enough. If there¡¯s anything you ever need¡ª¡± ¡°I just need him to be okay,¡± Tabitha explained, sniffling into the back of her hand. ¡°I¡¯d like to come visit him, if that¡¯s alright. I¡¯ve been having... bad dreams.¡± One long, bad dream, where your husband bleeds to death on the way to the hospital, because no one was there to help him in time. A bad dream where the little trailer trash girl hears the gunshot and just goes back to watching TV. A dream where she grows up callous to his death, and starts to resent him for the way people treat her for being from the Lower Park neighborhood. Except, it wasn¡¯t a dream, really. It was a total fucking nightmare. ¡°Oh, of course you can, honey¡ªI¡¯m sure Rob would be happy to drive you out here to Louisville. Rob Williams, he was the officer first at the scene there with you, he told me everything you girls did. Thank you so much. I really¡ªI don¡¯t know what I would have done, what I was going to do, if. If.¡± ¡°He¡¯s going to be okay,¡± Tabitha reminded her, wiping her eyes. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to meet you both, and see for myself.¡± After profusely thanking Tabitha again, promising her that Officer Williams would be in touch with her parents about a trip to Louisville this Sunday, and suggesting they all share a meal together over Thanksgiving when her husband was fully recovered, Tabitha was finally able to say her goodbyes and hang up the phone. Not a moment too soon, she would discover¡ªbecause several vehicles were pulling up to loudly park out front. Stepping over to the window with no small amount of trepidation... she discovered Uncle Danny¡¯s car had arrived. Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but slump forward and knock her forehead against the glass in frustration. In her head, the vaguely-remembered events of her past life were supposed to follow some sort of episodic narrative, where the next chapter would begin only after the current one had concluded. In reality, however, occurrences overlapped in such a way that now she felt like she¡¯d already missed out the first half of this Uncle Danny going to prison story, and completely lost any opportunity to take preventative measures. Swallowing down her frustrations, she opened the door and strode down the steps to see what she already knew was going on. The familiar car was finally here; no doubt to find its near-permanent resting place up on cinder blocks on their lot. To artfully complete that last missing piece of their long anticipated trailer trash decor. Both of her parents had followed behind in her father¡¯s truck, likely in case Uncle Danny¡¯s car broke down again on route. Looking over it now, the thing was a relic. Already a full decade old even here in this time¡ª Uncle Danny¡¯s car was a sun-bleached and faded black two-door coupe; a 1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Classic, perhaps one of the last fumbling grasps automakers made with gigantic boxy, rigid-looking notchback designs of the era. The loud but wheezy-sounding motor finally sputtered off, and Tabitha turned her attention to its driver as she disembarked, a sleazy-looking young woman with peroxide-blonde hair and uncomfortably revealing clothing. There¡¯s no way that can be Aunt Lisa¡­ right? Tabitha found herself dumbfounded, forced to run the math in her head. Her Aunt didn¡¯t look to be even twenty-five years old, but the eldest of her four cousins was Sam¡ªand he was eight or nine years old. The woman wore a low-cut tank top that didn¡¯t seem to cover up her bra at all, and crammed herself into cut-off jeans tight enough that they pinched her midsection into a noticeable muffin-top. The princesses of pop¡ªBritney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and Christina Aguilera¡ªwouldn¡¯t emerge until next year, but Aunt Lisa already seemed ahead of that trashy late-nineties fashion curve. ¡°Oh my wooord, Tabby is that you, darlin¡¯?¡± Aunt Lisa crooned in mock surprise. ¡°Goodness sakes, I wouldn¡¯ta recognized you one bit if not for you havin¡¯ yer Momma¡¯s hair! Jus¡¯ look at you!¡± ¡°Hi, Aunt Lisa,¡± Tabitha weakly waved. ¡°Why, I¡¯m surprised you even ¡®member me, you were just a little thing, last time we met,¡± Aunt Lisa seemed pleased, and she slapped the roof of Uncle Danny¡¯s car. ¡°Well, you go on and thank yer Daddy, ¡®cause he just bought you a car for when you turn yer sweet sixteen! Soon as y¡¯all get a new battery in there, it¡¯ll be good to go!¡± ¡°Oh wow,¡± Tabitha tried to mask her disappointment with a look of shock. What a waste of money. Over the next fifteen years, she remembered they would discover it was a problem with the alternator and not the battery, that there was a fuel line leak, and that both the electronic control module and controller for the idle air intake were shot, causing the engine to stall if the vehicle idled for a little bit too long¡­ amongst other problems. By the time Tabitha had given up on finishing her Goblin Princess novels and started working at the Safety Plant, her parents decided the cost of getting the rusty old thing running ever again wasn¡¯t worth it. Eventually, they paid to get it hauled to a junkyard in Sandboro. ¡°How are the boys?¡± Tabitha asked, trying to reign in the anger she was feeling rise up at this hussy. Aunt Lisa ignored her question, instead turning away from her with a blank look on her face towards Mr. and Mrs. Moore as they climbed out of the pickup. ¡°You¡¯re a lifesaver, Al!¡± Aunt Lisa squealed in a chipper voice. ¡°Thank you so much, this li¡¯l bit of cash is gonna get us through some of these hard times. You sure you¡¯re okay with swingin¡¯ me by over to Shelbyville?¡± And, we never saw her again, Tabitha thought to herself. Sam, Aiden, Nick and Joshua wouldn¡¯t see her again either for years and years. This woman was about to ghost all of them and start a new life elsewhere, now that Uncle Danny was locked up. To her own surprise, Tabitha realized... she actually felt no compunction to speak up or try to stop Aunt Lisa from disappearing. It¡¯s going to be hard on you boys, but you¡¯re better off without her, Tabitha decided, her previous anger settling deep into the pit of her stomach in a cold feeling. Grandma Laurie takes better care of you anyways, and this time I¡¯m going to be over there looking out for you as much as I can. I know it hurts, and I know it¡¯s not fair, but¡­ She watched on with that icy feeling in her gut as Aunt Lisa said goodbyes to Mrs. Moore, sent Tabitha a cheerful parting wave, and then left, chauffeured away by her father in his pickup. When Mrs. Moore finally approached her silently staring daughter, the fat woman actually had the decency to wear a guilty look. ¡°I¡¯m... sure you have some questions,¡± Mrs. Moore managed, not making eye contact with her. ¡°¡®Bout what¡¯s going on with your Uncle Danny.¡± NOW you say something?! What the fuck am I supposed to do about all of this, now? It¡¯s too late. It¡¯s too late to figure out how to keep Uncle Danny¡¯s nose clean. Too late to talk Aunt Lisa into remembering she¡¯s a fucking mother of four, and needs to fucking act like it. It¡¯s too late for me to trust you¡ª and that¡¯s what really makes this all so tiresome. Because I probably could have figured something out. Or, at least tried. Everything¡¯s too late, Mom. ¡°Questions? No,¡± Tabitha said flatly, turning to head back inside. ¡°I don¡¯t.¡±
¡°What¡¯re you doin¡¯ for Halloween?¡± Alicia asked. She was sitting on one of the planter ledges alongside Springton High¡¯s quad area, while Tabitha sat on the bench of a nearby table. It was a crisp morning, and the two girls had taken to hanging out with each other there among the crowds of students before the first bell sounded. Alicia frowned, furrowing her brow, and deftly flicked her pencil over in her hands to quickly erase a few lines of her drawing. ¡°Any big plans?¡± ¡°I¡¯m going trick-or-treating,¡± Tabitha said, flashing her friend a genuine smile. ¡°I¡¯m really excited.¡± ¡°Trick or treating?¡± Alicia scoffed, smirking at Tabitha. ¡°Tsk, tsk. At your age? Shame on you.¡± ¡°Yeah. I really want to, though,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I remember it being awkward and miserable, back then. Trick or treating stops being a thing in a few more decades, so I want to really experience it properly back in its heyday. Not... awkward and lonely and miserable.¡± ¡°What.¡± Alicia was forced to slap her drawing down into her lap. ¡°Bullshit. How does trick or treating stop being a thing?¡± ¡°Things change,¡± Tabitha gave her a listless shrug. ¡°Stops being acceptable to let your kids run around free range like that, even on Halloween. Whole different social dynamic, with the helicopter parenting thing.¡± ¡°Helicopter parenting?¡± Alicia rolled her eyes and chuckled, returning to her drawing. ¡°Okay, I do believe you just made that up.¡± ¡°It¡¯s when parents just kind of hover over their kids for their entire lives, making a lot of noise,¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°You can¡¯t even leave your kids in the car while you grab groceries, in the future. They could get heat stroke, so other parents¡¯ll call the cops on you.¡± ¡°Speaking from experience, I guess?¡± ¡°No. I, uh,¡± Tabitha¡¯s expression wavered, and her grin began to disappear. ¡°I never had kids.¡± Surprised, Alicia looked back up from her drawing just as Tabitha looked away from her. ¡°Did you ever get married, or anything?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha answered in a neutral tone. ¡°Nothing like that.¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Alicia cleared her throat. ¡°You¡¯re getting real convincing with all that. But, maybe quit making every cool future thing into some... monkey¡¯s paw wish gone wrong sort of deal, okay? You¡¯re bumming me out. Helicopter parenting is when you raise your kids to fly choppers, and nothin¡¯s gonna change my mind.¡± ¡°Choppers?¡± Tabitha gave her a confused look. ¡°Doesn¡¯t chopper mean motorcycle?¡± ¡°Since when? Chopper means helicopter, and always will,¡± Alicia bantered back, gnawing on the tip of her pencil distractedly as she examined her half-finished drawing. ¡°Nice try, though. What¡¯re you gonna dress up as for Halloween?¡± ¡°Um. I want to be Ariel,¡± Tabitha gave her a sheepish look. ¡°Ariel, from the Little Mermaid.¡± Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! ¡°Of course you do, I should¡¯ve guessed,¡± Alicia arched an eyebrow. ¡°And, you¡¯re gonna rock the coconut bra in this weather?¡± ¡°No no no, I was planning on doing the human version. Like she wears in the little boat for the ¡®Kiss the Girl¡¯ scene. Long-sleeved open neck blouse. Bodice, long skirt. Big bow for my hair. I think I might be able to find a really good pattern for everything at the library,¡± Tabitha confided. ¡°And, Ariel wore sea-shells, not coconuts!¡± ¡°Yeah, whatever,¡± Alicia conceded with a chuckle. ¡°You¡¯ll make a really good Ariel¡ªyou¡¯re already like, ninety percent there. Lame that they don¡¯t have a black Disney princess.¡± ¡°They will,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Princess Tiana.¡± ¡°What?¡± Alicia blinked, immediately pausing her pencil mid-stroke. ¡°Yeah, who?¡± ¡°Princess Tiana, from The Princess and the Frog, maybe¡­ ten or so years from now?¡± Tabitha revealed. ¡°I think it¡¯s the last hand-drawn animation they did, before their films were all either computer-animated or live-action.¡± ¡°Are you for real?¡± Alicia asked, hugging her open sketchpad against herself defensively. ¡°In ten years? That¡¯s a long time. Do you think I could be an animator by then?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha appraised her friend for a moment before giving her honest opinion. ¡°...Yes. I think that you really can, you¡¯re incredibly talented. In my last lifetime, I know you drew illustrations for different magazines.¡± ¡°What kind of illustrations?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Like, political cartoon sorta stuff?¡± ¡°No, not like that at all,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Beautiful ones.¡± ¡°Uh, describe them?¡± ¡°The piece that really stood out in my memory was a woman¡¯s nude back,¡± Tabitha frowned, trying to recall everything she could. ¡°Her head was turned, so that you could only see the profile of her face. It was like a sketch with the way you had your lines, but not in an¡­ unfinished way, if that makes sense.¡± Alicia stared hard at Tabitha, still clutching her art pad against herself. ¡°It didn¡¯t seem anatomical, exactly,¡± Tabitha continued, now struggling to put what she¡¯d seen way back then into words. ¡°All of the little muscles and the curls of her hair hanging down were detailed in like... a light map, kind of? The drawing itself was composed of crosshatch in the different shadow areas, to define everything, without putting in solid outlines..¡± ¡°Tabby! Alicia!¡± Elena waved cheerfully as she approached. ¡°Morning! I want to introduce you to some people at lunch today, if that¡¯s cool with you guys. Are you both gonna be in the library again?¡± ¡°Who?¡± Alicia scowled, hugging her sketchbook protectively against herself to prevent Elena from catching a peek of her work. ¡°Matthew Williams, he¡¯s a sophomore, and Casey¡­ uh,¡± Elena paused. ¡°I don¡¯t remember Casey¡¯s last name. She¡¯s a junior, and she helps run art club stuff.¡± ¡°Are they your friends?¡± Tabitha asked, curious. ¡°...No, not really,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m crushing on Matthew, and he¡¯s interested in you. Not interested interested, I don¡¯t think. His dad¡¯s a policeman, and he had something to do with the shooting stuff you were involved in.¡± ¡°Ah,¡± Tabitha nodded in understanding. ¡°Rob Williams. Okay. I was hoping he could drive me down to Louisville this Sunday.¡± ¡°Have you met Matthew already?¡± Elena froze. ¡°No, I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena let out a slow breath, giving Tabitha a wary look. ¡°I really like him.¡± ¡°I have no interest at all, there,¡± Tabitha assured her with a smile. ¡°Trust me.¡± ¡°Pfft,¡± Alicia made a point of going back to work on her drawing, disregarding the conversation with an exasperated shake of her head. ¡°Yeah, I wouldn¡¯t worry about Tabitha going after boys at all.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Elena arched an eyebrow at Tabitha. ¡°Are you gay? There were some rumors going around about that.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I just don¡¯t plan on entering into any relationships in the near future.¡± ¡°Okay, cool,¡± Elena gave her an appraising look. ¡°I don¡¯t like gays, I think they¡¯re really weird.¡± It was a struggle for Tabitha not to wince and hide her face in her palms at hearing that. She probably shouldn¡¯t have expected a teenage girl in nineteen ninety-eight to be quite as politically correct as she¡¯d grown accustomed to over her previous life, but hearing the girl¡¯s thoughts laid out so bluntly was still... unexpectedly jarring. Worse yet, Alicia seemed to find the misunderstanding she¡¯d helped foster incredibly amusing. Going to have to ease them both into a talk about some things later on, if we¡¯re all going to be friends. ¡°Casey¡¯s an artist,¡± Elena continued, turning now to address Alicia. ¡°I don¡¯t know how your stuff measures up against the upperclassmen, but I think you can impress her and get in with the art club crowd. She¡¯s apparently real close with all of them.¡± ¡°And, what does the art club do?¡± Alicia challenged, not looking up from her sketch. ¡°I actually don¡¯t know,¡± Elena admitted with a shrug. ¡°I only went to the Poetry club open house, and I don¡¯t even know that I¡¯ll go back. I¡¯m assuming art club meets in one of the art rooms someday after school, and that they organize activities and stuff. It could mean some sort of opportunities for you, I guess.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia tried to look indifferent. ¡°Where¡¯s Matthew and Casey now?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t say anything to them yet,¡± Elena said. ¡°You and Tabitha¡¯ve pretty much kept to yourselves since school started. Didn¡¯t want to intrude on you guys or anything without asking first.¡± That¡¯s¡­ surprisingly thoughtful of her, Tabitha thought, blinking at Elena. She wasn¡¯t sure what to make of the long-legged blonde. After returning to nineteen ninety eight and having almost each and every hour of the day allotted to various planned endeavors, Tabitha could appreciate Elena¡¯s aggressive enterprising. The girl was definitely a go-getter, but Tabitha hadn¡¯t ever thought to consider nebulous concepts like friendship something you could really plan out. I suppose we¡¯ll just have to see? The first bell sounded, a long ringing warble that prompted the scattered students idling around the patio area to disperse towards their individual classes. ¡°I¡¯d like to meet them,¡± Tabitha decided, glancing towards Alicia. ¡°What do you think?¡± ¡°Sure,¡± Alicia said, feigning total disinterest. ¡°It¡¯s whatever, I¡¯m cool with it.¡± ¡°Great!¡± Elena¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°Awesome. I¡¯ll let ¡®em know when I see them in class. Library at lunchtime?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Great,¡± Elena said. ¡°I¡¯ll let you two discuss, then. See you in first period, Tabby.¡± The blonde left with a wave, pointedly giving the two some space to talk without her. ¡°What do you really think?¡± Tabitha gave Alicia a wry smile. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Alicia dropped her sketchpad back into her lap, no longer pretending to draw. ¡°I still don¡¯t really like her. But, it was cool of her to ask first. I guess.¡± ¡°Any interest in art club?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Maybe?¡± Alicia lifted her hands in a helpless gesture. ¡°I don¡¯t know, never really even thought about it. Crap. Should I grab my good portfolio out of my locker before lunch?¡±
¡°Alicia still doesn¡¯t like me,¡± Elena reported, leaning towards Tabitha from her desk a row over in Marine Science. ¡°What do you think I should do?¡± ¡°She doesn¡¯t really know you, yet,¡± Tabitha laughed. I don¡¯t really know you yet, either. ¡°Give her some time. She didn¡¯t warm up to me right away.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena said. ¡°You don¡¯t think it¡¯s because I¡¯m white, do you?¡± ¡°...What?¡± Tabitha cocked her head, shooting Elena a look of disbelief. She held out a forearm, so pale that she could trace the slight blues and greens of veins along the inside of her wrists when she inspected closely enough. ¡°No? I¡¯m significantly whiter than you.¡± ¡°No, you¡¯re not,¡± Elena scoffed, pointing at herself with both fingers. ¡°I have blonde hair.¡± Tabitha was rendered speechless, tilting her head in confusion even further. ¡°I¡¯m kidding, Tabby,¡± Elena laughed. ¡°Both of y¡¯all need to get a tan,¡± Amber, the brunette girl who sat in front of Tabitha, spoke up. ¡°Y¡¯all are embarrassing.¡± ¡°Your face is embarrassing,¡± Elena smirked. ¡°Your Momma¡¯s embarrassing,¡± Amber shot back. ¡°Those shoes are embarrassing,¡± Elena glanced down at Amber¡¯s muddy Reeboks with disdain. ¡°Your outfit is kinda embarrassing,¡± Amber retorted. ¡°Slut.¡± ¡°Your boyfriend was pretty embarrassing,¡± Elena snorted. ¡°Trust me, I know.¡± ¡°You sucking up to whoreface back here is what¡¯s embarrassing,¡± Amber shot back with a laugh, twisting in her seat to give Tabitha a skeptical once-over. ¡°What¡¯s your whole deal supposed to be, anyways? Think this was like, the first time I¡¯ve even heard you talk to anyone.¡± ¡°Running your mouth all the time is pretty embarrassing,¡± Elena scowled at Amber. ¡°Fuck off. You don¡¯t even know Tabby, and you¡¯re already tryin¡¯ to jump in and talk shit. Mind your own goddamn business, hoebag.¡± What¡­ is happening? Tabitha looked from girl to girl with wide eyes. She didn¡¯t want drawn into the surprisingly childish squabble at all. Having someone else immediately leap to her defense, however, was¡­ different. Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure if she felt touched or if she felt alarmed, but it was a very strange experience for her, and when she opened her mouth she realized she had no idea what to say in this situation. ¡°Bitch, please,¡± Amber spat. ¡°You think I don¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Ladies, ladies!¡± Mr. Simmons called over helpfully. ¡°Save the Jerry Springer for next period, this is Marine Science. If you girls absolutely must bicker, at least say you¡¯re gonna go subtidal on her beachface. Something like that¡ªwe have appearances to keep, here.¡±
Casey was already waiting in the library when Tabitha arrived at lunchtime. With light brown hair cut in a shaggy bob, the girl wore a yellow tee with a summer camp logo emblazoned on it and a rather plain pair of shorts. With her now finely-tuned sense for differentiating the ages of various fellow students, Tabitha could tell she was at least sixteen or seventeen, and Casey was also putting off that flagrant too-cool-for-school vibe. The teen was rocking back dangerously in her chair, with her sneakers up on one of the library tables, while she idly played with her smartphone. Wait. Tabitha lurched to a sudden halt, stunned. She has a SMARTPHONE¡­ ? ¡°Oh hey, what¡¯s up?¡± Casey noticed Tabitha¡¯s abrupt stop, giving her an enormous grin. ¡°You must be Tabitha, right?¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Tabitha worked to regain her composure. ¡°Yeah, hi. You¡¯re Casey? Is that a phone?¡± ¡°A phone?¡± Casey rolled a thumb across a dial on the side of the device, and the distinct sound of electronic chipset music was audible in the library for a moment. ¡°It¡¯s a Gameboy Pocket. Cool, huh? I¡¯ve got Pokemon Red. They¡¯re coming out with the Gameboy Color sometime this Christmas¡ªI¡¯m super stoked.¡± ¡°Yeah! That¡¯s, um. Wow,¡± Tabitha laughed, feeling the knot of unexpected tension slowly loosen itself. I completely forgot Gameboys were a thing. ¡°That¡¯s really cool. It just runs on double As?¡± ¡°Triple A¡¯s, actually,¡± Casey smiled. ¡°Crazy how small they can pack it all into now, right?¡± ¡°Crazy, yeah,¡± Tabitha agreed. You have no idea. In just a few years, a smartphone¡¯ll have more processing power than all of the Apple II¡¯s in this computer lab put together. Forty years from now, a tiny little finger ring¡¯ll have more computing power than all of the machines in the world here combined. Before she could further ruminate on the bounding leaps of technology, Alicia showed up, her leather-bound art collection under one arm. ¡°Alicia?¡± Casey guessed, pulling her feet off the table and arranging herself in a more normal sitting position. ¡°Yeah. Hi,¡± Alicia stood awkwardly, looking nervous. ¡°Elena said you¡¯re prospective art club material, so let¡¯s have a looksie at each other¡¯s stuff,¡± Casey proposed, setting her Gameboy aside. The upperclassman pulled a worn spiral notebook out of a backpack at her feet and slid it across the table towards them. Gingerly passing her own portfolio across to Casey, Alicia sat down with Tabitha at the table, and they opened up the offered spiral notebook between them. Within, they discovered each page was packed with squares upon squares of different panels filled with stylized doodle animals and speech bubbles¡ªunlike Alicia, Casey was a cartoonist. Cocoa Cinnabun was a pet bunny, drawn in a style reminiscent of old Garfield comics. In fact, as Tabitha¡¯s eyes flicked down the page, she found the plot of the comic storyboards was collectively something of an amateur homage to Garfield. Cocoa Cinnabun lazying about, Cocoa sometimes chewing through things he wasn¡¯t supposed to, or knocking over the waste can in the background, which was drawn as a simplified trapezoid shape. ¡°Holy shit,¡± Casey whispered as she leafed through Alicia¡¯s artbook opposite them. ¡°You drew all of this? This is like, this stuff¡¯s serious.¡± ¡°Those are from last year, yeah,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I have my recent stuff in this one, if you wanna see.¡± ¡°Gimme it all, I wanna see!¡± Casey laughed. ¡°This is all like¡­ wow. Hah, ashamed that you¡¯re looking at my awful garbage, now.¡± ¡°Your stuff isn¡¯t bad at all,¡± Alicia said with respect, flipping from page to page. ¡°Just, y¡¯know. Stylized, totally different direction.¡± ¡°I think Cocoa¡¯s really cute!¡± Tabitha added carefully. ¡°He kind of reminds me of Garfield, Garfield crossed with Hello Kitty.¡± Wait. Would people in the US know about Hello Kitty, back in ninety-eight? ¡°I love Hello Kitty!¡± Casey broke into a beaming smile, putting Tabitha¡¯s concerns to rest. ¡°Oh, hey! Matthew! Elena! You guys¡¯ve gotta come check this stuff out!¡± Tabitha turned in her seat to see Elena ushering a young man through the library¡¯s metal detector, and¡ª A single loop of tension slipped out of the knot she felt earlier and then her anxiety constricted the whole thing, forming what felt like a tight noose around her chest that made it difficult to breath. Matthew had mesmerizing blue eyes that immediately stole her full attention, a steely heaven-eyed gaze she could wax poetic about¡ªif not for her mind immediately turning to sugary molasses on her. Besides those unfathomable eyes, Matthew possessed strong, masculine features; distractingly broad shoulders, stern eyebrows and a lovely jawline. His wavy hair was a mottled dirty blond, and playfully swept back in what she thought of as a surfer cut. Tabitha felt her heart pound and blood rush to her face. Goddamnit. You¡¯ve got to be kidding me¡­ 14: Trust exercises. Hormones. It¡¯s just... teenage hormones, Tabitha fought to school her face into proper composure. She hadn¡¯t felt so completely betrayed by her own body since first transmigrating back into the past. He¡¯s just a kid. A cute kid, sure. But he¡¯s young. Waaay too young. Focus. ¡°Hi,¡± Matthew directed a potent smile her way, and Tabitha¡¯s wits seemed to scatter in every direction like they were scurrying away from a sudden spotlight. ¡°Tabitha? I think you met my dad a couple days ago¡ªOfficer Williams? He was asking me about you.¡± ¡°Yeah. Uh, whuh-what did you tell him?¡± Tabitha blurted out anxiously... completely embarrassing herself. Alicia and Elena both turned heads to look at her with interest, and she felt her cheeks go completely red. No, no no no no this isn¡¯t happening. This isn¡¯t happening. ¡°Hah,¡± Matthew let out a good-natured laugh. ¡°I said you had all kinds of rumors goin¡¯ around, but I didn¡¯t know what to believe since I hadn¡¯t met you myself. My name¡¯s Matt¡ªbut, everyone calls me Matthew, for some stupid reason.¡± ¡°There¡¯s already too many Matts,¡± Casey chuckled, not looking up as she flipped through Alicia¡¯s second sketchbook in awe. ¡°If we get another one after you, we¡¯re just gonna call him ¡®Phew.¡¯¡± ¡°I¡¯ll call you Matthew, then,¡± Tabitha decided, just barely stopping herself from rising out of her seat to shake his hand. High-schoolers don¡¯t do that! ¡°Mrs. Macintire said she might call your dad, um, about driving me out to Louisville this Sunday¡­?¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± Matthew nodded. ¡°She did, my dad works a shift Sunday, though.¡± ¡°You could take her, Matthew,¡± Elena chimed in helpfully. ¡°You just got your license, and everything...¡± ¡°Sorry, no way,¡± Matthew gave them a sheepish smile. ¡°I¡¯ve had it for like, just a couple weeks. Not super comfortable driving I-65 on my own, yet.¡± ¡°Oh, that¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°I don¡¯t want to impose, or anything.¡± Inwardly, she was impressed at his candor¡ªhe was uncharacteristically up front about his shortcomings, for a high-schooler. Wouldn¡¯t most boys fresh into their license be eager to show off? Matthew seemed laid-back and mature in a way that had her start going moon-eyed all over again. It doesn¡¯t help that he¡¯s a little, um. Easy on the eyes, either¡­ ¡°Hah, impose?¡± Matthew shook his head. ¡°Naw, Mr. Macintire¡¯s practically family¡ªhe used to go with us on our hunting trips, back when I was, oh¡­ twelve? Thirteen? So, after what you did¡ª¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t do much at all,¡± Tabitha admitted, embarrassed. ¡°Alicia was there, too. All we did was try to stop the bleeding.¡± ¡°She¡¯s lying. She did everything,¡± Alicia sold her out without compunction, grinning widely. ¡°She called it in, and was putting pressure on it like, right away, while I was just standing there bawling like an idiot.¡± ¡°Y-you were not!¡± Tabitha argued, giving Alicia an incredulous look. Alicia! ¡°Well, thank you,¡± Matthew said, letting out a slow breath. ¡°Seriously. You¡¯re some kind of hero, you did a great thing. Don¡¯t know if you knew, but Mr. Macintire has a daughter¡ªHannah¡ªshe¡¯s just seven years old. We¡¯ve been looking after her while they¡¯re both up in Louisville, and I¡¯m really, really glad I didn¡¯t have to give her any bad news.¡± ¡°...Oh,¡± Tabitha replied dumbly, feeling her eyes water. ¡°If it¡¯s cool with you, my Mom¡¯ll swing by your neighborhood this Sunday, take both you and Hannah up to Louisville to visit,¡± Matthew explained. ¡°You¡¯re living right there in Sunset Estates?¡± ¡°Yeah! It¡¯s, uh. Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded, fighting back tears as she found herself flooded with emotion. ¡°Sorry, I¡ªsorry.¡± ¡°Uhh¡ªyou okay?¡± Casey was the only one that seemed surprised. ¡°Just give her a minute,¡± Elena scolded the art club girl. ¡°Are you okay, Tabby?¡± Tabitha nodded quickly while hiding her face behind her hands, not trusting herself to give an answer without choking up. She¡¯d never heard a thing about Officer Macintire having a daughter. Somehow, if felt like that changed everything. An unknown crisis, averted by bare inches¡ªthis little girl Hannah¡¯s entire world must have come crashing down in that last life, without Tabitha ever being any the wiser. She felt the knife of guilt in her heart lingering more closely now than ever. Hannah. Her name¡¯s Hannah. ¡°Sorry, I should probably leave you girls be,¡± Matthew said, obviously discomforted by Tabitha¡¯s sudden tears. ¡°Just wanted to let you know. You should swing by the Quad some lunch and sit with us sometime, at least put all the rumors to rest. Everyone¡¯s dyin¡¯ to meet you.¡± ¡°Thanks,¡± Elena spoke up on Tabitha¡¯s behalf. ¡°We¡¯ll do that.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you,¡± Alicia added. ¡°Yeah,¡± Matthew nodded. ¡°Alicia, right? Saw you on the news, too.¡± ¡°Did you see her freaking art?¡± Casey exclaimed, holding up one of Alicia¡¯s portfolios. ¡°She¡¯s like, half pro.¡± ¡°Cool, cool,¡± Matthew paused. ¡°Join us in art club, we meet on Fridays. You do any photography?¡± ¡°I¡ªuh, oh, wow!¡± Alicia¡¯s eyes went wide, and she slapped her forehead. ¡°I don¡¯t. Normally. But, on the day of the shooting, I had a camera with me. I completely forgot about it with all the¡­ Tabby stuff going on.¡± ¡°Were you taking pictures?¡± Elena pressed. ¡°I was,¡± Alicia revealed. ¡°I did. Took two right at the crime scene, like, literally just moments after it happened. Shot of Tabby running towards the officer. The one¡¯s probably blurry, but the other one should be¡­ decent? Maybe?¡± ¡°How do you forget something like that?¡± Elena asked in disbelief. ¡°This has all been a lot to deal with, okay?¡± Alicia shot a scowl at Elena. ¡°I haven¡¯t been sleeping at all.¡± ¡°Where¡¯s the camera now?¡± Casey clapped the sketchbook closed and jolted up to her feet. ¡°If we tell Mr. Peterson, he can develop it right in the art room right away. You said the crime scene? Like right there at the parking lot shooting? This is big.¡± ¡°Um. Still in my bag, I think,¡± Alicia answered. ¡°I left it in class. Tabby and I were there when the first officer got shot, not the big parking lot shooting.¡± ¡°The first officer?¡± Casey didn¡¯t quite seem to be following. ¡°With your and Tabby¡¯s permission,¡± Elena jumped in, ¡°the Channel Seven people¡¯ll probably pay big bucks for that. I can have my Mom get in touch with them.¡± ¡°First thing¡¯s first¡ªas acting treasurer, I hereby induct thee into the hallowed ranks of the Springton High Art Club,¡± Casey said solemnly, making the motions of knighting Alicia shoulder and shoulder with the girl¡¯s own sketchbook before passing it back to her. ¡°Ten bucks if you want an art club shirt. C¡¯mon, let¡¯s go see if we can grab your bag and get to Mr. Peterson before lunch is over.¡± ¡°O-okay,¡± Alicia agreed, rising out of her seat. ¡°Guys, guys,¡± Matthew chided them, watching as Tabitha blearily wiped her eyes. ¡°Slow down, give her a moment.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, I¡¯m fine,¡± Tabitha sniffed and gave Matthew an appreciative smile. ¡°Sorry. Go for it, yeah. I¡¯m just gonna sit here for a bit. Do your thing, Alicia¡ªI didn¡¯t even realize you took a picture.¡± ¡°I forgot,¡± Alicia admitted, wincing. ¡°Sorry.¡± Casey pulled Alicia along with her out of the library with Matthew in tow, who waved a casual goodbye, finally leaving a flustered Tabitha sitting alone together with Elena at the library table. ¡°Well.¡± Elena crossed her arms in front of herself, looking a little too pleased at Tabitha¡¯s guilty expression. ¡°You¡¯re definitely not gay. What are you doing this Saturday?¡±
¡°I have to say, I love your outfit, Tabitha!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh praised, turning from where she sat in the driver¡¯s seat for a moment to give the redhead a once-over. Elena¡¯s mother was steering their silvery-white family minivan across town towards the apartment where Tabitha¡¯s grandmother lived; Elena and Tabby would be looking after Tabitha¡¯s cousins for the day. ¡°Where did you find that top?!¡± ¡°My grandma helps me put them together,¡± Tabitha answered respectfully. ¡°From thrift store dresses.¡± ¡°You¡¯re kidding!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh exclaimed, chancing another quick glance away from the road back towards Tabitha¡¯s attire. ¡°From the thrift store right here in town?¡± ¡°Yes, Ma¡¯am.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a Mom, not a Ma¡¯am,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh chided playfully. ¡°Wait¡ªTabitha, even the one you¡¯re wearing right now?¡± Elena couldn¡¯t help but twist from the passenger¡¯s seat to scrutinize her pretty new friend. ¡°This was originally a prom dress,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°We just removed the cups, stitched it overtop a plain white shirt, and then hemmed them together at the waist. Blinking in disbelief at the ensemble for a moment, Elena could actually see it. What looked at first glance to be an extraordinarily well fitted vest and shirt combination... was actually just the upper portion of a black A-line prom dress¡ªone with an extraordinarily plunging neckline¡ªon top of a long-sleeved white shirt. Once the secret was revealed, she couldn¡¯t unsee it. ¡°That¡¯s amazing,¡± Elena found herself blurting out. ¡°Are you planning on selling them?¡± ¡°Selling them?¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Maybe someday, I know we¡¯ll need the money. For now, it¡¯s just something I love doing with my Grandma Laurie.¡± ¡°That¡¯s so sweet!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh said with a smile, sparing Elena a meaningful look. Yeah... I want in on that, Elena thought with a small grin. What teenage girl DOESN¡¯T dream of launching their own fashion line? Even the business model is perfect! The thrift store material costs are negligible in the face of the price tags we can put on these. For an awkward moment, she¡¯d already begun to mentally exclude her new friend Tabitha from her new plan to model her own business out of these blouses. With a pang of guilt, she murdered those ambitions while they were still in the cradle¡ªshe actually liked Tabitha. The girl was different, interesting. She was transparent emotionally in a manner no teen should be, and yet in other ways completely, utterly unfathomable. She was, to coin one of her mother¡¯s favorite phrases, a riddle, wrapped up in a mystery, inside an enigma. ¡°I want to try making one,¡± Elena decided to admit. ¡°I really love your tops.¡± Besides, that¡¯s not that kind of friend I want to be. If she continued to foster another such mercenary mindset¡ªone based loosely on coinciding mutual interest alone¡ªit would be her situation with Carrie all over again. Elena wanted beautiful friendships built on love and trust, ones that she¡¯d be able to look back on fondly for the rest of her life. But, at the same time, it was difficult for her personally to set aside her competitive nature and pragmatic cynicism to make those happen properly. When she¡¯d talked it over with her Mom, she¡¯d been blanketed with assurances that she was perfectly normal, that friendships weren¡¯t picture-perfect in the way television made them out to be, and that in no time at all she¡¯d find close friends and confidants again to replace the middle school ones she¡¯d grown away from. She knew her mother was right¡ªher Mom was always right¡ªbut at the same time... something about the answer didn¡¯t completely satisfy. ¡°We can show you how we do it, if you¡¯d like¡ªthe next time we visit,¡± Tabitha offered. ¡°I was hoping we could spend most of this time with my cousins. I¡¯m really worried about them.¡± This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. ¡°How old are your cousins?¡± Elena asked. Her growing anticipation for the afternoon fell a good deal at being reminded about the cousins. Next time, I suppose. ¡°Grade school, or middle school?¡± ¡°Grade school,¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°Sam¡¯s the oldest, he¡¯s in fourth grade.¡± So, it¡¯s babysitting little kids, Elena tried to swallow down her disappointment. Their budding friendship was going swimmingly, however, and Elena at least felt relieved to finally be on an organized outing with someone again. She hadn¡¯t done anything important with a friend since the Six Flags trip with Carrie in the middle of summer¡ªnow, it felt like she had to blot out those mistakes by making as many new, better memories as she could. This is okay. It doesn¡¯t have to be anything huge right at first, Elena thought, striving to focus on the positive. Babysitting¡¯s a perfectly normal thing for girls our age to do¡ªmaybe we¡¯ll talk, find something cool to bond over. That¡¯s what matters¡ªeven if it¡¯s not big and exciting. Elena smiled faintly to herself as she watched the scenery pass by her window, mercifully oblivious to what she was about to experience. ¡°This is it up ahead,¡± Tabitha called softly. ¡°Those are my cousins playing there.¡± The silvery-white minivan performed her indicated turn onto the upcoming side street, and then pulled up several lots to where a group of young boys appeared to be taking turns running and crashing into a large pile of autumn leaves. They looked rowdy, the kind of boys Elena had avoided like the plague when she¡¯d been at that age. Each of Tabitha¡¯s cousins had the same closely cropped haircut, making it difficult to tell them apart. Leaves and twigs stuck to their clothes, and dirty brownish grass stains were apparent on the knees of their pants from slides into the leaf pile. ¡°Give me a ring whenever you two¡¯re ready to be picked up,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh smiled. ¡°Love you, Elena. Have fun, girls!¡± ¡°Yeah. Love you, Mom.¡± ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Seelbaugh.¡± ¡°Hey, Tabby¡¯s here!¡± A boy cried out, and all at once they were scrambling out of the leaves with crunching footsteps and running towards them. Elena grimaced, mentally bracing herself for an entire afternoon corralling rambunctious little hooligans. ¡°Boys, come over here,¡± Tabitha instructed, gesturing them forward. At a closer look¡ªElena confirmed they were all completely filthy. Each boy appeared to be emulating the character Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strip, liberally covered with dirt and dead plant errata from playing outside. It was an amusing contrast, seeing Tabitha in her lovely fashion-wear gently scolding this line-up of little rascals, dusting them off in frustration and picking bits of leaves off of their heads. What Elena hadn¡¯t prepared herself to see was Tabby drop down to her knees and pull all four boys at once into a giant hug, disregarding her own custom designed attire and the mess they might make of it. Even more surprising¡ªthe cousins weren¡¯t resisting. There was no aggravated struggle free from her arms, no exasperated laughter or groaning; the oldest-looking one spared Elena an embarrassed glance, but they all dutifully returned Tabitha¡¯s embrace. ¡°Boys¡­ I¡¯m so sorry about your parents,¡± Tabitha said in a quiet voice. ¡°I wish I¡¯d done something. I¡¯m so sorry.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± one of the boys spoke up. ¡°Mom said she¡¯s coming back.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± another one agreed. ¡°She¡¯s coming back soon. She said just a few days.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha shook her head slowly, locking eyes with each of them and giving them a firm look. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. She¡¯s not coming back. But, Grandma Laurie and I are going to do our best to take care of all of you.¡± ...What? Elena awkwardly stood by, dumbfounded by the unexpected heavy atmosphere. She said they were going through a rough time or something, but I never really thought¡­ oh my God, what happened¡ªdid their parents just pass away? Or worse, divorce? ¡°Mom said she was coming back,¡± the smallest one pulled back from Tabitha with a cross look. ¡°In a few days.¡± ¡°I know she did, Joshua,¡± Tabitha replied gravely. ¡°But, she¡¯s not. She¡¯s not coming back.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± the oldest one scoffed. ¡°We don¡¯t even need her anyways.¡± When the quartet of young cousins were awkwardly released from Tabitha¡¯s hold, they exchanged looks with each other and stole glances back at Tabitha. Their initial childlike demeanor had clouded over, and they were all quiet, solemn. The littlest boy Tabitha had called Joshua looked sullen, while two of the other brothers had their brows furrowed in thought at receiving the horrible news, and then the oldest of them just looked disappointed and angry. Should... I even be here? Elena forced herself not to fidget. ¡°This is my friend Elena¡ªI want you to treat her with the same respect you treat me,¡± Tabitha told them, rising back to her feet and patting the leaves off her knees. ¡°We¡¯re taking you to the playground to play.¡±
¡°Has everyone been doing their stretches?¡± Tabitha asked, lining up the boys in a row along the dead grass beside the playground. ¡°Who can get down the farthest?¡± The four cousins slowly shimmied down, legs spreading apart in an attempt at a split. Joshua had the most success, nearly reaching the ground, while the other three struggled, their legs forming different degrees of obtuse angles. She¡¯s going to run them through¡­ gymnastics? The playground itself was a small chainlink-fence enclosed affair attached to the nearby neighborhood, with several wooden risers and staircases constructed into a covered central fort. An enclosed hard plastic spiral slide featured on one end of the fort and an open slide on the other, separated by the wobbling clatter bridge. Radiating away from the structure were the expected allotment of swingsets, animal-shaped rocker seats situated on thick springs, and benches for parents to sit. On an October Saturday the area was nearly deserted, entirely empty save for a pair of very young girls attempting to climb up the plastic spiral slide from within, watched over in the distance by a sitting mother. The boys were unexpectedly obedient, Elena had discovered on the short walk over. Not quite docile¡ªas they were quick to pick fights with each other and bicker pointlessly over the tiniest things¡ªbut, she was fascinated to see that at a stern word from Tabitha they immediately bowed to her apparent authority. At school Tabitha was something of a withdrawn, shy-seeming girl who sequestered herself in the library of all places, so this contrasting, commanding presence was incredibly interesting. ¡°Why¡¯re you having them stretch?¡± Elena leaned in and asked. I thought they were just going to play tag, or hide-and-seek or something. ¡°Stretches help keep them limber, and give them higher kicks,¡± Tabitha explained, turning to Elena with a smile. ¡°I promised them last time that I¡¯d teach them a few moves.¡± The redhead demonstrated, tilting her upper body to one side and drawing one knee up into the air all the way to the level of her chest. There was something smooth and powerful in the unhurried ease with which she seemed to ready her kick that was startling, the young woman¡¯s balance not wavering in the slightest. She snapped out a kick impossibly high in the air, quick and crisp, before immediately returning her foot to its tucked position up in the air¡ªpoised to strike. Two more kicks flashed out, each faster than the last, and then Tabitha relaxed, returning her foot to where it belonged on the ground. Whoa, whoa, Elena blinked, struggling to reevaluate everything she thought she knew about Tabitha. She¡¯s like, a martial artist? ¡°Show her the thing with the pop can!¡± One of the boys suggested. ¡°Yeah, show her, show her!¡± Another one quickly joined in. ¡°We don¡¯t have one,¡± Tabitha looked around helplessly. ¡°Sorry, boys.¡± Not ones to be dissuaded, all four of Tabitha¡¯s cousins quickly abandoned stretching practice to dash every which way across the playground, canvassing the area in search of an empty soda can. When they finally discovered one¡ªa discarded Pepsi can sporting that dramatic new blue look Elena had yet to grow accustomed to¡ªthe boys immediately fought over it as they all ran back over. No way, Elena grew a little alarmed. If she didn¡¯t know any better, their struggle appeared to be a contest of which of the two taller boys would be balancing the empty can on his head. What, she¡¯s been playing karate-kick William Tell with them? That can¡¯t be safe. What if one of them nails the other one right in the head? ¡°Behave yourselves,¡± Tabitha laughed, striding amidst the cousins to pluck the can away from the boys. ¡°Elena¡¯s here with us, today.¡± Before Elena caught on to her meaning, Tabitha had already stepped up right in front of her and was gingerly attempting to balance the empty Pepsi can on top of Elena¡¯s blonde head. ¡°You can¡¯t be serious,¡± Elena laughed nervously, not even bothering to keep still enough for Tabby to balance the can. ¡°I¡¯m a lot taller than you.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what makes it good exercise,¡± Tabitha countered with a grin, steadying Elena¡¯s shoulders so that she could perfectly place the pop can atop her head. ¡°And, for you¡ªyou can think of it as a trust exercise.¡± ¡°No way,¡± Elena froze, uneasy at the way the boys were gathering around them in anticipation. ¡°Tabitha, no way¡ªwhat if you kick me in the face? I¡¯m way taller than you anyways, you can¡¯t even reach.¡± ¡°Do you trust me?¡± Tabitha challenged her. ¡°I can reach.¡± No¡ªobviously no, please don¡¯t even think about it! Elena bit back her response with a terrified look. The situation was deteriorating at incredible speed, and all of her previous efforts to befriend this girl weren¡¯t going to count for anything at all if she got kicked in the face right now. Friends didn¡¯t kick each other in the face, not even by accident. Elena drew the line there, and it was not something she was willing to compromise on. But, wait, no. She said it¡¯s a trust EXERCISE¡ªthis is just a test. She was never ACTUALLY going to¡ª Before the girl could even finish her own relieved thought, Tabitha leapt up into the air, leg suddenly exploding forward in an unbelievable flash of force just inches above Elena. The tiny weight perched atop the crown of Elena¡¯s head disappeared with a hollow clenk as the can was sent flying, and then Tabitha calmly landed back on her feet. Oh my fuck. Fucking fuck. Fuck, Elena was still completely tense and frozen in place as her mind caught up with what happened. Somewhere behind her, she could hear the empty can clattering across the pavement in the distance¡ªit had crossed the entire stretch of lawn and landed in the parking spaces in front of the playground. The sound of the four cousins cheering and jumping up and down in excitement was muted to nothing but distracting noise as she struggled to collect herself. That would have taken my head clean off¡ªI felt the wind of it move my fucking hair! Elena stared at Tabitha with wide eyes. Oh my God. Oh my God, I can¡¯t breathe. ¡°Thank you for trusting me,¡± Tabitha said, offering her a shy smile. ¡°It¡¯s really not as scary as it seems¡ªmy control¡¯s pretty good, now.¡± Still standing, she neatly brought her foot up into the air again and perfectly traced the outline of Elena¡¯s shoulder, and then overtop her head¡ªTabitha straining on her tiptoes to reach¡ªwithout the edge of the girl¡¯s shoe ever actually touching her. There was a steely gracefulness to the motion, and Tabby finished drawing the silhouette of Elena¡¯s opposite shoulder before casually bringing her leg back to the ground. ¡°Okay,¡± Elena swallowed slowly. ¡°Okay, how do you do that?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been kinda-sorta teaching myself Taekwondo,¡± Tabitha revealed. ¡°Over the summer.¡± ¡°Teaching¡­ yourself?¡± Elena raised an eyebrow. ¡°From what? How?¡± ¡°You really wouldn¡¯t believe me if I told you,¡± Tabitha gave her a sheepish smile. ¡°Seriously. I was actually just about to show Alicia my butterfly kicks last week, when all of that business with the police officer went down. Like, right in front of us.¡± ¡°Show her your flips!¡± One of the cousins called out. ¡°She can do backflips, and walk on walls,¡± another boasted. What is she supposed to be, a Power Ranger? Elena wanted to laugh at how ridiculous all of this was getting. Spiderman? Human beings don¡¯t walk on walls. ¡°Get back to your stretches, or none of you little heathens are ever doing any of this,¡± Tabitha chuckled, giving the boys a stern look. ¡°We¡¯re playing tag in a bit, and I want you all warmed up. No sissy excuses later on!¡± The four children reluctantly returned to stretching their legs and grudgingly twisting their bodies through warm-up movements. ¡°Can you really do a backflip?¡± Elena asked. Her mind sprinting through the possibilities of what they could do with all of these emerging new factors. But, what is Tabitha really capable of? ¡°Don¡¯t listen to them, I¡¯m really not great at it,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I don¡¯t like doing backflips unless I¡¯m starting on top of something that¡¯s up off the ground a bit. To give me that extra room, that clearance space. Oh¡ªI can do back hand-springs easy, though.¡± With that, Tabitha leaned back, arching her body, and reached backwards for the ground behind her. Before her hand was even planted, her legs rose up in the air, and with baffling ease her body simply flipped through the air to land rightside-up again. ¡°But yeah, that¡¯s kind of cheating,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Even the boys can already do cartwheels just fine.¡± ¡°...Do you want to try out for the cheerleading team together?¡± Elena blurted out. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­ think so?¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I never had much enthusiasm for sports. Were you going to try out?¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m just thinking out loud¡ªyou¡¯re really amazing,¡± Elena laughed, shaking her head. Does Springton High have a gymnastics team, or something like that? ¡°I was planning on going for girl¡¯s varsity basketball¡­ right until I saw this. Now, I don¡¯t know what I want to do. What are you going to do?¡± ¡°Do you like to run?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°I run a lot, but, just on my own. For a while now I¡¯ve been thinking I should try doing it with other people, be more... uh¡ªget more involved?¡± ¡°I can run!¡± Elena¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°My Mom runs¡ªI¡¯ve run a 5k with her before. Were you looking into joining the track team?¡± ¡°I hadn¡¯t thought about it, really,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Should I? I was just wishing I had someone to jog with me in the early mornings... but I don¡¯t think anyone who lives near me is the slightest bit interested, hah ha.¡± She didn¡¯t get liposuction over the summer, Elena realized, wanting to slap herself for ever believing that rumor. She¡¯s obviously been at this for a while¡ªthere¡¯d have been like, some sort of RECOVERY period, where you can¡¯t be jumping and running around after a surgery. She actually lost all of the weight for real, just doing this¡ªexercising, and running, and stuff. Her new understanding of Tabitha felt like a long-missing puzzle piece was falling into place for Elena, personally. One of the hallmark traits Elena had always looked for in her peers¡ªup until now¡ªwas a certain sense of ambition. Now, it felt like she¡¯d been just slightly off the mark all along¡ªwhat she really desired was a best friend that was driven, motivated towards her pursuits in the same dogged way that she was. The same way Mom always has been. In way of contrast, Carrie¡¯s ideology had always been to just leverage every possible advantage she could squeeze out of any given situation. While Elena still largely agreed with that line of thought... in hindsight, that wasn¡¯t exactly who she wanted to be, and certainly not what she wanted in a best friend, anymore. ¡°I don¡¯t know how yet, but I am absolutely going to be your jogging partner,¡± Elena decided with a grin. ¡°You run every morning? Should I be doing stretches? Can you teach me how to do karate?¡± 15: The Legacy of Shannon Delain. Five hours later Gasping for breath, Elena scrambled up the exterior of the playground fort, frantically grabbing for every available handhold across the wooden edifice and scuffing her new sneakers into every foothold she could cram them in. She hauled herself up over the railing and dropped heavily into that uppermost section featuring the long plastic spiral slide, the fort¡¯s tower. This is... so much fun!? Elena thought, feeling a little bewildered as she struggled to draw in lungfuls of chilly Autumn air. If someone had told her earlier that she would be covered in sweat and panting with exertion from playing a game of tag with children, Elena wouldn¡¯t have believed a word of it. They¡¯d been playing for hours and hours now, though, and it was already getting dark out. Her hands felt raw from clambering around the playground, she had splinters in the side of her arm she¡¯d yet to pluck out, and her elbows were scratched up from a tumble she¡¯d taken across the mulch. She didn¡¯t even want to think about what she¡¯d done to her nice white shoes. Their game began in an incredibly lopsided five-against-one, with Elena roped into joining all of the little cousins to oppose Tabitha¡¯s purported ¡®dominance¡¯ of the game. To win, Tabitha had to tag out their entire team¡ªwith the caveat of not allowing those she¡¯d tagged to in turn tag her, which reset the round, forcing Tabitha to start tagging them out all over again. The tables turned back and forth as the day progressed. Each game¡ªwith the exception of one particularly unfortunate instance¡ªbegan with Elena¡¯s team hurriedly dispersing in every direction to put as much distance as possible between them and Tabitha. Then, one by one they would form back up into a hunting party to pursue Tabby as they were each tagged out. No two rounds played out alike, and the dynamic within each round could and often did change in a heartbeat. If you hadn¡¯t been tagged, you were frantically fleeing Tabitha¡¯s approach, and if you¡¯d already been tagged, you were racing after her to try to catch her before she tagged the rest of the group. Sometimes, Elena and the four boys formed a cohesive group, other times they split up with an every-kid-for-themself attitude. Many of the rounds ended with Elena leading the tagged-out pursuers in close coordination to defend the last remaining untagged cousin from Tabitha. The first two rounds had both been shocking losses, with Tabitha dispatching all four cousins and Elena in a handful of minutes. Although she could hardly believe she was starting to take a game of playground tag seriously, Elena felt her competitive spirit rise to match the circumstances and she started giving it her all. In the third round, Elena coaxed and cajoled the boys into attempting some semblance of a strategy¡ªclustering up together for mutual support. If we all stick real close together, one of us can just tag her back right away, Elena remembered, shaking her head in disbelief at her own naivet¨¦. Yeah, right. Tabitha had lunged fearlessly into their midst, tagging each of the boys with a healthy shove that sent them sprawling back out of retaliatory range. Weaving and ducking past clumsily outstretched arms, the fiery-haired girl struck them out with practiced precision, and it was the shortest round ever. Their entire group of five was overturned in a handful of seconds. That wasn¡¯t to say Elena didn¡¯t have fun¡ªthere was something incredibly uninhibited about this whole experience, a refreshing simplicity to today that she wouldn¡¯t have ever imagined, and didn¡¯t think she could recreate. The four cousins hadn¡¯t spoken a word to her when she was just Elena, an outgoing but somewhat unknown quantity here to babysit them with Tabitha, this total outsider. As an aloof older teen, she in turn hadn¡¯t really had any particular interest in them, either. Once they started playing, however, their different perceived roles fell out of relevance and were quickly forgotten. The boys¡ªshe recognized them individually as Sam, Nick, Aiden, and Joshua, now¡ªwere young enough that they weren¡¯t boys, weren¡¯t this complicated different gender dynamic she was forced to be aware of. In playing alongside each other, they somehow ceased to be part of the social rhetoric that dictated how Elena acted and how she treated them, and something about it all was incredibly straightforward and liberating. They were just all kids having fun together¡ªexcept Tabitha, of course. Tabitha was some kind of monster. Tabitha... Elena immediately grew alert. The idea of Tabitha had been imbued with several new flavors throughout the course of the day, and the name rolled back and forth over her tongue unspoken, something she couldn¡¯t quite adjust to. Am I ever gonna be able to see her like I used to again? Hunkering herself down into a crouch, Elena turned to peek through the wooden bars of the fort at the chaos below. Aiden was dashing frantically by in the waning October light, but she wasn¡¯t sure if he was in pursuit or retreat. One of the three newcomers to the game, a taller neighborhood boy who the boys were calling Kenny, ran past as well. Whatever else she thought the girl was in Marine Science or in the school library, this seemingly shy and reserved classmate of hers was the undisputed apex predator on this playground. The previously unassuming redhead became an unstoppable juggernaut, an invincible tyrant whose shock and awe blitzes regularly sent all four cousins scattering with yelped shrieks and panicked laughter. The very sight of Tabitha¡¯s agile figure darting about the playground after them¡ªor worse, closing in instead on her¡ªfilled Elena with a thrilling sense of fear. Although their team of five did win several games, victories were few and far between enough that every win felt like an enormous accomplishment. Throughout the game, Elena had witnessed Tabitha perform incredible feats of acrobatics. The girl was fast, and had no qualms committing herself to hand-springs, diving lunges or running slides to tag someone out or avoid pursuit. She was fearless in both scaling up the playground equipment, and then jumping off of them as the situation demanded, and wasn¡¯t shy about rolling across the mulch as she scrambled back up to her feet to avoid a tag. The different terrain was used to full effect against her opponents¡ªthe animal-shaped rocker seats and park benches she could leap over and clear entirely, a feat impossible for the much younger boys to imitate. At a full sprint, Tabby would grab the posts of the playground fort or the swingset bars to sharply swing her entire body in a new direction, while those chasing after were forced to patter to a skidding stop in the mulch to bleed off momentum. Elena¡¯s long legs enabled her to outpace Tabitha briefly in the open spaces¡ªbut in the fenced enclosure of the playground, there really wasn¡¯t anywhere for her to go. Instead they endlessly traversed the trifecta of grounds between the fort itself, a giant tree that shaded the area, and the detached set of monkey bars. The cousins constantly gravitated towards the playground fort, ready to make a quick escape on one of the slides or at one of the series of riser exits the moment Tabitha began to capture the fort. After all, she could only cut off one of them at a time. Usually, anyways. Elena was just in the middle of determining her preferred getaway route from the fort... when she noticed her mother¡¯s silvery-white minivan parked in front of playground. Oh my God! Alarmed, Elena abruptly stood up, struggling to shift mental tracks back to normalcy. They¡¯d been playing for¡ªhow many hours, now? It was dark already, and not heading back to call had been an uncharacteristic and irresponsible lapse on her part. Her mother had obviously checked in at Tabitha¡¯s grandma¡¯s place when she was worried, and then been directed here. When Elena saw Tabitha run up the risers towards her position, she felt torn between the game mindset and this sudden return to reality. ¡°My Mom¡¯s here,¡± Elena blurted out with a grin, holding up her hands. ¡°Yeah. She¡¯s been watching for a while,¡± Tabitha revealed, and the petite redhead continued her ruthless advance. ¡°At the bench over by the tree.¡± ¡°...Oh,¡± Elena was embarrassed not to have noticed. It felt like a standoff showdown atop the fort, and each of the teenage girls eyed each other warily under the unspoken agreement of one last tag. There was only the stretch of the clatter bridge and a small landing of risers between them. The spiral slide was just beside Elena, but its exit down below was practically facing the fort where Tabitha stood, and it would only be a short hop down for Tabitha to catch her. That felt¡­ anticlimactic. In a moment of inspired courage, Elena shot Tabitha a grin and vaulted over the railing of the fort tower and dropped¡ªalmost eight feet all the way to the ground. She landed gracelessly on her hands and feet, but it felt heroic, adventurous, and the surprise she got from Tabitha, the surprise she felt herself was the sort of satisfaction she couldn¡¯t get from a roller coaster at Six Flags. That an innocuous game of tag would so easily eclipse their big summer trip as a personal experience for her was exhilarating, and Elena had to chuckle to herself as Tabitha landed beside her. ¡°Good game?¡± Elena laughed, brushing off her palms. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded with a wry smile. ¡°Good game.¡± Letting the cousins and other assorted neighborhood children continue to run amok for a moment, the two girls crossed over to the bench where Mrs. Seelbaugh was waiting. ¡°You girls look like you¡¯ve been having fun!¡± Elena¡¯s mother remarked, giving them both a curious look. ¡°Sorry, Mom. Totally lost track of time,¡± Elena admitted sheepishly, working to reconcile herself with the more mature Elena of earlier today, the one who didn¡¯t play on playgrounds like a child. She could tell her mother was thrilled that she¡¯d had such a good time, ready to inundate her with questions about what had happened as soon as they were alone together. ¡°No worries! Hakuna matata,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh laughed. ¡°I got to talking about those lovely thrift store blouse designs with Tabitha¡¯s grammy for longer than I intended, myself. Are you girls ready for me to take you home? I can give the boys a lift down the street so they don¡¯t have to walk.¡± ¡°That¡¯d be great, Mrs. Seelbaugh,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Oh, I meant to ask you earlier, Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh said, rising up off the bench and stretching. ¡°It¡¯s been on my mind since this morning, the resemblance is so crazy¡ªby any chance is your mother¡¯s maiden name Shannon Delain?¡± Tabitha¡¯s smile seemed to go rigid at hearing the name. ¡°Yes, Ma¡¯am,¡± Tabitha finally answered in a quiet voice. ¡°That¡¯s my mother. She¡¯s Shannon Moore, now.¡± ¡°I thought for sure she must be!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh exclaimed in excitement. ¡°We were good friends, we went to Springton High together! Where has she been all these years¡ªdid your family just move back to the area? I can¡¯t wait to tell the other moms, we all still talk about her! Is she home, do you think¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mrs. Seelbaugh,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°She¡¯s home, but¡­ you can¡¯t see her.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªI¡¯m so sorry, just listen to me going on,¡± Elena¡¯s mother apologized in a fluster. ¡°Did something happen, is everything alright?¡± ¡°If she saw you now¡­¡± Tabitha said with some difficulty, ¡°it would fundamentally break her.¡± ¡°What?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh froze. ¡°Break her?¡± ¡°I¡¯m thirteen,¡± Tabitha explained, glancing at the bewildered Elena beside her. ¡°I turn fourteen in December. From that timetable alone, you should be able to tell that something went terribly wrong with Shannon Delain¡¯s... big plans, her dream.¡± ¡°Oh, honey,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh gave her an apologetic wince. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t say wrong, I just wondered if¡ª¡± ¡°Everything that could go wrong for her all those years ago, did go wrong,¡± Tabitha interrupted with finality. What? Elena blinked in surprise at the sudden and unexpected direction the conversation had taken. ¡°Starting with me,¡± Tabitha explained in a quiet voice. She looked down and brushed the edge of her sneaker across an errant tuft of mulch. ¡°You picked me up from the Lower Park, so you¡¯ve seen how¡­ well, you¡¯ve seen where we are now. It¡¯s so much worse than you think, and¡­ I don¡¯t think she¡¯s in a state where she can stand to be seen by you, not now. Maybe not for a long time. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Oh my word,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh looked taken aback. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, I don¡¯t mean to make anything difficult, or, or cause any problems. Can you just tell your mom that I remember her? That I¡¯d love to get together and catch up sometime, whenever she¡¯s comfortable with that? Would that be alright?¡± Mom knows Tabby¡¯s Mom, and something real bad happened? Watching the entire exchange with increasing unease, Elena turned from her mother¡¯s anxious expression to Tabitha¡¯s frown in confusion. ¡°I¡¯ll tell her that you asked about her,¡± Tabitha decided, letting out a slow breath and giving them a helpless shrug. ¡°But, I don¡¯t think it will go over well. We¡¯re hardly on speaking terms anymore.¡±
They dropped off the boys with their grandmother, and then drove Tabitha over to Sunset Estates, awkwardly seeing her off in front of a worn-down, dilapidated mobile home. Mrs. Seelbaugh finally pulled their silvery-white minivan up the hill and parked at the gas station overlooking Tabitha¡¯s neighborhood. They¡¯d never filled their tank here¡ªher father remarked that the gasoline quality here was awful¡ªyet another black mark signifying that difference in social status that set this area of town apart from the rest of Springton. The casual questions and light-hearted small talk had given way to an uncomfortable silence once Tabitha left, and Elena looked at her mother with concern. They weren¡¯t stopped here for gas, and it didn¡¯t look like Mrs. Seelbaugh was going to run into the attached convenience store and buy anything, either. ¡°Mom?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Everything okay?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh gave her daughter an exasperated laugh, shaking her head. ¡°I really don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Is it the thing with Tabitha¡¯s mom?¡± Elena prodded. ¡°Yeah,¡± Her mother seemed at a loss for words, looking off somewhere into the darkness outside. Moths and other assorted little insects were flicking about beneath the overhead lights of the gas station in a frenzied swarm. ¡°Shannon Delain was¡­ well, the gals and I, we still talk about her all the time, even after all these years. Shannon Delain. I had no idea she was right here in town! No idea that she...¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh tried to explain. ¡°Cindy, Melissa and I, we were some of the cool kids, but Shannon was the real popular one, in this whole different league. ¡°She was going places, was gonna be someone, move out to Hollywood and¡­ y¡¯know, be someone, and everybody knew it. But, we never heard a thing. Cindy was always so sure she was gonna pop up in a movie, or a TV show, or a magazine somewhere. Then there¡¯s Melissa, insisting Shannon must¡¯ve found a rich husband somewhere, became a¡ªyou know, the Malibu trophy wife. Hah.¡± Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°What did you think happened to her?¡± Elena asked, only interested in the opinion that mattered. ¡°Modeling for advertisements. Maybe little parts for commercials?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh mused. ¡°She was so pretty. I always thought it¡¯d be neat to find her in something, to be able to say, look, that¡¯s Shannon Delain¡ªwe went to school together.¡± That would be cool, Elena agreed, picturing an older version of Tabitha, starring in some sort of big action movie blockbuster. ¡°But, she¡¯s been here all along, I suppose,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh realized, her expression falling. ¡°All these years. Shannon Delain¡ªit was like she was the one to strive for, the one who dared to dream big. All these years feeling like we were chasing after her tailfeathers, and it¡¯s like¡­ it¡¯s like¡­¡± Her mother struggled to find the right words. ¡°Like she must¡¯ve fallen right out of the sky the very moment she was out of sight. All of us still lookin¡¯ up after her all this time, when instead she was really¡­ um. She¡¯s really been down there. In the last place we¡¯d ever look.¡± They both stared down the hill. Sporadic streetlights revealed cramped rows of battered mobile homes where the lowest-income families eked out a difficult existence. The glow of passing headlights from the busy street just beyond demarcated the distant boundary of the trailer park, a residential area bordered on all sides by commercial zones of questionable property value. There was an ABC liquor store next door, and then the Springton Auto-Repair Center. A strip of small, rundown offices, containing a tax specialist, an orthodontist, and a small law firm. Another gas station, a smaller one. The old American Fidelity Bank and Trust, which had been boarded up for the last two years, shared a parking lot with a rather seedy-looking Hardee¡¯s. The surroundings painted a very different perspective than the suburb the Seelbaughs lived in, which was picturesque by comparison. ¡°Are you gonna call Aunt Cindy and them tonight, about this?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Have a girls night?¡± ¡°I really want to, but¡­ no, no¡ªit¡¯s already so late,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh worried her lip, glancing at the digital numbers of the clock on the dash. ¡°Don¡¯t even know what I want to say, just yet. I can reign in your Aunt Cindy, but Mrs. Melissa was always¡­ a teensy bit jealous of Shannon. So, she¡¯d be just dying to come over here and see sometime, stir up some kind of drama.¡± ¡°Was it¡ªis it that bad?¡± Elena¡¯s eyes widened at the thought. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna make problems for Tabitha.¡± ¡°Sounds like you¡¯re good friends already,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s troubled look fell away, and she beamed with pride for her daughter. ¡°Guess we¡¯re just gonna havta keep the whole story between me and you, then, this time. You know what that means!¡± ¡°Two glasses of wine?¡± Elena guessed with a hopeful grin. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta tell you all about tag with Tabitha.¡± ¡°Just one glass for you, I think,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh let out a laugh, shifting the vehicle out of park and checking her mirrors. ¡°I¡¯m really glad you had fun today, Kiddo. But, after this kind of news, I feel like I¡¯m gonna need three or four.¡±
Mr. Moore was pacing back and forth through the narrow trailer hallway with the telephone handset pressed to his ear when Tabitha came home. He greeted her with a forced smile and a nod, still listening to the tinny voice of the speaker on the other end of the line. She wasn¡¯t sure who he might be conferring with this late, but she thought she caught the name Daniel Moore, so it surely had something to do with the recent incident. Removing her dirty shoes in their small linoleum entranceway, she wearily stepped over into their living room. There Mrs. Moore sat, Illuminated only by the glow of their television set, bloated bulk situated in her usual spot upon the sofa. Her mother registered her presence with an annoyed glare for a moment, before turning back to the TV with indifference. There was no do you realize how late it is, or where on God¡¯s green Earth have you been, not anymore. ¡°My friend¡¯s mother took us out to the park,¡± Tabitha hesitantly broached the subject. ¡°She asked about you.¡± ¡°Oh, now it¡¯s any of my business what all you get up to,¡± Mrs. Moore scoffed, shooting her daughter another dirty look. ¡°Tabby, if you¡¯re not gonna listen to a damned thing I say anyhow, don¡¯t go makin¡¯ anything seem like¡ª¡± ¡°Allow me to correct myself,¡± Tabitha interrupted, gritting her teeth. ¡°She didn¡¯t ask about you in the capacity of you being my mother. Mrs. Seelbaugh asked if you were formerly Shannon Delain, whom she¡¯d gone to school with. I was told the resemblance was striking.¡± Mrs. Moore seemed to show no reaction to that, but Tabitha could tell that though the corpulent woman continued to vacantly stare in that direction, her eyes weren¡¯t quite fixed on the TV, anymore. No longer expecting a response, Tabitha decided to continue. ¡°I told her that you were indisposed, and would not be able to meet her,¡± Tabitha reported. ¡°Was that what I should¡¯ve told her?¡± Her mother reacted to that, snapping around to face her with a look in her eyes. Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure what she saw there¡ªanxiety, fear, and maybe a little bit of hate. Maybe a lot. There was a haunted look dancing in the depths of those pale green eyes, and for the first time Tabitha had a real sense of how trapped her mother felt, trapped in this life she didn¡¯t want, with this daughter she couldn¡¯t deal with, in that fat body she couldn¡¯t escape from, the limp red hair framing that perpetual scowl. The suffocating feeling she saw in her mother¡¯s expression was so painfully familiar to Tabitha that she wavered on her feet, wanting nothing more than to immediately leave. She didn¡¯t want to be in this situation, didn¡¯t want to even try to finish this conversation, felt like she never should have brought it up. Didn¡¯t want her mother to look at her like¡ª ¡°Tabitha¡ªsit down,¡± Mrs. Moore asked, breaking eye contact. ¡°We need to¡­ we have to talk. Please.¡± The urge to flee intensified, but Tabitha found herself instead mechanically moving to sit in her father¡¯s chair across from the sofa. It felt like a talk was treading dangerous new ground, and she didn¡¯t see any possible positive outcomes to this conversation. From the moment she relegated herself to a seat across from her mother, wasn¡¯t she setting herself up for another fruitless and destructive confrontation? She had no idea where else a talk could even take them now, but she didn¡¯t imagine it would be anywhere she remotely wanted to explore. To her surprise, Mrs. Moore first heaved forward in her seat, reaching down and lifting the upholstered skirting panel of the sofa front below her. Where normally they would slide out their tray of VHS tapes from beneath¡ªMrs. Moore instead withdrew that familiar blue album. Tabitha watched on in growing horror as her mother hefted the scrapbook of photos in her hands, as if feeling the terrible weight of the bright and beautiful dreams within. Dreams that would never come to fruition. It felt surreal seeing her mother, of all people, take that thing out from wherever she¡¯d had it hidden away. It was in so many ways the Moore household taboo, the most sensitive contraband she should never be caught peeking at, worse in some ways than that nudie magazine of her father¡¯s she would discover in the bathroom years from now. ¡°You know what this is,¡± Mrs. Moore said in a gruff voice, gripping the album in both hands. ¡°You¡¯ve seen what¡¯s inside.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha answered, feeling herself tense up. Beauty pageant photos. Modeling pictures. An impossibly gorgeous young woman with a brilliant, confident smile who somehow or other turned into YOU, Tabitha clenched her teeth, remembering all those many years ago when she¡¯d flipped through the pages of that scrapbook in shock and stunned disbelief. But, then I came along, and I took all of that away from you. You didn¡¯t hate me for that last time, at least. This time, though... when I lost the weight and started making the effort, you started seeing yourself again in me¡ªthat¡¯s what really broke you, isn¡¯t it? ¡°I know what you must think about me,¡± Mrs. Moore began. ¡°I realize. But, I don¡¯t want you thinking that you were a mistake, Honey. Because¡­ you weren¡¯t. You were a blessing.¡± ¡°...Was I?¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyebrows shot up. She fought to keep from a dozen different snide remarks before one finally won out and slipped past her lips. ¡°Forgive me Mother, but you don¡¯t seem very blessed.¡± ¡°No, I don¡¯t,¡± Mrs. Moore agreed, her hands tightening on the album until the blue jacket began to twist in her hands. ¡°But, there are¡­ things. Things that didn¡¯t get¡ªthat would never be put in this album. That you don¡¯t know. I¡¯m just afraid that you¡¯ve¡­ jumped to conclusions.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t give up your dream because of me?¡± Tabitha asked, feeling her heart leap into her throat at so abruptly voicing the question. ¡°B-because of having me?¡± ¡°No,¡± Mrs. Moore¡¯s red-rimmed eyes met her gaze with more conviction than Tabitha had expected. ¡°No, I didn¡¯t.¡± You... didn¡¯t? In disbelief, Tabitha opened her mouth, but closed it again just as quickly. She didn¡¯t know how to respond to that. ¡°I was going to be a model, and an actress,¡± Mrs. Moore explained, rubbing a thumb along the edge of the album but not daring to open it. ¡°Flew out to Los Angeles, did photoshoots and videos for¡­ stupid little things. Toothpaste. Deodorant ads, hah¡ªnot even perfume, competition was too crazy for perfume. Bit parts in a few sitcoms, even if they were just one appearance and a single spoken line. When I finally passed an audition for an acting role, a real role, it was for the movie Lucas. It was going to be my big debut.¡± Lucas? Tabitha¡¯s mind was reeling, searching through her sixty years of memories for the title and drawing a complete blank. Whatever the movie was, it hadn¡¯t made any noticeable waves or cultural impact in her last lifetime that she was aware of. ¡°I had the role for Maggie,¡± Mrs. Moore remembered with a small laugh, as if she could scarcely believe it herself. ¡°I would¡¯ve kissed Charlie Sheen. Instead, I ran away. I ran away, and wound up here. I had you, I became¡­ this.¡± ¡°You ran away... and then had me?¡± Tabitha asked for clarification. From her mother¡¯s phrasing, she couldn¡¯t tell whether the two events were related to one another or not. ¡°Yes,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded sadly. ¡°I disappeared. Broke contract and ran away, two months into filming. They had us out in Lake Ellyn Park, Illinois for shooting. Just some five hours away from here. I called Alan¡ªhe was the only one I could trust¡ªand he drove me back to Springton, without ever asking why. Bawled my eyes out the whole trip. ¡°My parents covered the penalty fee, they were¡­ furious. Didn¡¯t understand, thought I was just¡­ I don¡¯t know what they thought, but I couldn¡¯t tell them the truth. My agent with Fox Studios... wasn¡¯t happy, I wouldn¡¯t even speak with her. Kerri Green took the role of Maggie in the end, was nominated Exceptional Performance by a Young Actress in a Feature Film. It was a good role.¡± ¡°Wait¡ªcouldn¡¯t tell your parents what truth?¡± Tabitha asked with trepidation. ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°Things,¡± Mrs. Moore said with difficulty, shaking her head. ¡°I¡­ I can¡¯t tell you, either, I won¡¯t. The whole industry, acting, modeling, show business, it¡¯s all filthy, Tabitha. It¡¯s all filthy, and it was making me filthy.¡± ¡°...What?¡± Alarmed, Tabitha bolted upright from her seat. ¡°Are you saying¡ªis, um, what you¡¯re saying¡ªis Dad not my real Dad?!¡± ¡°No! No!¡± Mrs. Moore hushed her with a startled glare. ¡°No. There was¡­ there were things, but not that. Absolutely not that. There were things that I¡¯m not going to ever be able to explain to you, and they¡¯re things that I¡¯m ashamed of, but never that. I thought I was strong enough, that I¡¯d do anything to be a movie star, whatever it took. I¡¯m not. Thank the Lord up in Heaven, I¡¯m not.¡± Shocked, Tabitha felt herself numbly fall back down onto the cushion of the chair. Astonishment, revulsion, and finally¡ªanger, white-hot anger rolled through her consciousness in waves as she struggled to grasp the implications of what her mother was now revealing. Mom was the victim of¡­ something terrible? Tabitha didn¡¯t want to believe it because it was awful, but also wanted it to be true, if only it meant her mother didn¡¯t blame her for ruining her life. That previous assumption would be almost silly, then, and although she wasn¡¯t sure it exactly excused their current difficulties, her mother¡¯s overblown oppositional stance to every effort she made¡ª ¡°Your father, he¡¯s an honest man,¡± Mrs. Moore went on. ¡°A simple, honest man, and he¡¯s¡­ what I needed, after all of that. I didn¡¯t give up on my dream, the dream, it... it wasn¡¯t what I thought it was. It was wrong. God help me, I know I¡¯ve been bitter all this time, especially since you¡¯ve gone and grown up so fast. I¡¯m sorry, for that. I haven¡¯t been a good mother to you. You didn¡¯t ruin my life, Tabitha.¡± ¡°You need to, to come forward with all of that,¡± Tabitha blurted out, her mind still racing. ¡°With everything. Everything that happened. Whatever they did to you. To the police. To the media. Someone. Explain what¡ª¡± ¡°They know, Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Moore shook her head, anguished tears appearing in her eyes. ¡°Everyone who¡¯s a part of it knows. I wasn¡¯t even the only one that¡ªthat things happened to, on that set. They¡¯re all either in on it, or, or they don¡¯t care, or they can¡¯t do anything¡ªyou don¡¯t come out and talk about it. They¡¯ll bury you in whatever dirt they can find. There¡¯s always dirt. On everyone.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care!¡± Tabitha exclaimed in indignation. ¡°You have to try. What about the next poor girl who doesn¡¯t know any better, what¡¯s going to keep her from¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha, stop!¡± Mrs. Moore sobbed. ¡°They all knew. I knew, I just didn¡¯t care, thought that I could¡­ that I could make it work anyways. I¡¯m just as fucking guilty as any of them. God just gave me the strength to step away¡ªand stay away. He brought me back here, and he gave me you.¡± A handful of rebuttals choked in her throat, and Tabitha¡¯s thoughts whirled, trying to keep up. The #metoo movement exposing predatory filmmakers and producers was still decades away, she realized. The film industry in the eighties would¡¯ve been the figurative dark ages for that sort of behavior, a terrible place for naive young Shannon Delain. Regulatory framework built up to protect young actresses like that from sexual abuse wouldn¡¯t even be put into place until after¡ª ¡°None of this is anything I ever wanted to tell you,¡± Mrs. Moore cut through Tabitha¡¯s thoughts with a bitter laugh, tears rolling down her cheeks. ¡°I¡¯m ashamed of it all. It¡¯s just¡­ when I started to see what all of this with you has been about, it just tore me up inside, Tabby. ¡°Losing all of that weight so fast, tryin¡¯ so hard to be pretty, to look just like I did, back then¡­ do you understand why you wantin¡¯ to be an actress would do this to me? Why it would make things like this, between us?¡± ¡°I¡­ what?¡± Tabitha mumbled out dumbly, staring at her mother in a daze. What? ¡°Well, I¡¯m through fighting you on it, I suppose,¡± Mrs. Moore tossed the blue album to the carpet in defeat, wiping moisture from her eyes with the backs of her hands. ¡°I can¡¯t, anymore. I just can¡¯t.¡± ¡°If this is what you¡¯ve set yourself on, what you and that Grandma Laurie have decided¡ªI¡¯m going to help keep you safe,¡± She continued. ¡°I can teach you more about acting, about the industry than she ever could, and I can at least¡­ I can keep you safe from all of the nonsense. I will keep you safe. I¡¯ll teach you everything, if you¡¯ll just let me.¡± When did I EVER want to be an actress?! Tabitha found herself confused and caught totally flatfooted by the sheer scope of apparent misunderstanding between them. I...I just want to write my Goblin Princess books! To adopt Julia, when I¡¯m old enough. And to never, ever be the old me again! I never once thought about¡ª ¡°Well?¡± Mrs. Moore sniffled, anxiously searching Tabitha¡¯s features for a reaction. ¡°S-say something, Tabitha.¡± This is the Mom I always wanted, Tabitha¡¯s heart fell at the realization. The Shannon Moore who¡¯d really CONNECT with me on something, stand TOGETHER with me, instead of standing in my way. The fantasy dreamland Mom who¡¯d have a place in the rest of my life. But¡ªI don¡¯t care about acting or modeling bullshit at all! I can already see her breaking, turning even further away. It¡¯s just. I¡¯m sorry Mom, but I have my writing. I have my own plans for my life, and I can¡¯t just... Tabitha bit her lip with indecision. She watched her mother¡¯s expression falter, saw that last sliver of hope disappear from her eyes, replaced now with more tears. Fuck. All too suddenly, it felt like she was strangling a possibility that she couldn¡¯t afford to ever let die. Fuck it. You only live once or twice, right? ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha decided, steeling her nerves. ¡°Teach me.¡± 16: Trip to Louisville. ¡°You don¡¯t have to hold back on my account,¡± Mrs. Moore huffed with difficulty, laboring for breath. ¡°I can jog for a little bit.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Let¡¯s just walk together.¡± It was a clear and crisp-feeling October morning, and Tabitha had woken up to the unlikeliest of partners for her morning run. There was something particularly surreal about seeing her mother in the morning light, outside, and she wasn¡¯t able to stop herself from sneaking glances over to ensure that yes, this was really happening. Her mother had pulled on a sweatshirt and her hair was askew from waking up so early, but it was her eyes that stood out¡ªthey were wide and darted around with apprehension, as if fearful someone would notice she wasn¡¯t where she was supposed to be. In Tabitha¡¯s previous life, she¡¯d accepted that her mother had some form of agoraphobia¡ªshe kept the windows covered and rarely, if ever, ventured outside. Hiding from the world, fearful of being seen, being judged, had shrunk the size of that woman¡¯s whole world to the cramped and cluttered prison of their mobile home. Tabitha was frankly shocked when her mother agreed¡ªno, insisted¡ªon trying to perform her daily morning run with her. In actuality, what they did was at best a power-walk together, and Tabitha discreetly diverged from her normal route so they were instead headed downhill first. They managed for about six minutes before her mother was out of steam, and then their pace reduced to normal walking speed. She wasn¡¯t embarrassed or surprised at how out of shape her mother was, because she¡¯d been fighting to push those same limitations just this past summer. Right now, she was regretting not donning a sweatshirt herself. While she didn¡¯t mind taking a day off from actual running, she was ill-prepared for a walk; usually she kept away the chill by staying in constant motion to keep her body temperature up. ¡°I don¡¯t want to hold you back,¡± Mrs. Moore wheezed in frustration, trying to lurch forward faster. ¡°Go on, run if you have to. I¡¯ll get there.¡± ¡°Mother¡ªMom,¡± Tabitha spoke softly. ¡°Don¡¯t push yourself, please. You¡¯re not ready for that yet, and hurting your knees or ankles will be more of a setback than any exercise you get today.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to hold you back,¡± her mother repeated, staggering to a stop and sagging forward to rest her hands on her knees. ¡°You¡¯re not,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°If you¡¯re willing to do this with me, I¡¯d rather walk with you than run ahead alone, okay? Do you need a minute?¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t think it¡¯d be this bad,¡± Mrs. Moore admitted with difficulty, heaving herself back into motion again. ¡°The uphill¡¯s just¡­ dreadful. Things are tough when you get this old.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not old,¡± Tabitha had to speak very carefully to not sound patronizing. ¡°You just haven¡¯t been taking care of yourself. You¡¯re carrying around all that extra sugar you¡¯ve ever dumped into that sweet tea, right now. Among other things. I don¡¯t know that I have time to prepare the rest of your meals, but¡­ we¡¯re going to think up a meal plan. Or something.¡± ¡°No more sweet tea,¡± Mrs. Moore agreed, trying not to gasp for breath as they walked up the hill at what felt like a rather sedate crawl. ¡°Sweet tea is¡­ fine,¡± Tabitha managed, unsure of how much she should sugarcoat her words, so to speak. ¡°But, the jugs we buy are already sweet tea. Please don¡¯t dump in cups of sugar to sweeten them, Mom. They¡¯re really killing you.¡± ¡°This is killing me,¡± her mother tried an uneasy laugh between breaths. ¡°I don¡¯t know how you do this every day.¡± ¡°It¡¯s the worst just starting out,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°These are the hardest steps you¡¯ll take.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ trying, Tabitha,¡± ¡°You¡¯re doing more than trying,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°This is¡­ this might be the closest we¡¯ve been, the most we¡¯ve talked in years?¡± ¡°It is,¡± Mrs. Moore sounded surprised. ¡°You¡¯re not talking like a robot anymore, either.¡± ¡°I¡ªI wasn¡¯t talking like a robot,¡± Tabitha flushed with embarrassment and gave her a weak smile. ¡°I was just¡­ speaking with proper diction.¡± ¡°On the contrary, my dear,¡± Mrs. Moore¡¯s tone changed. ¡°I was referring not to your elocution, but rather the manner in which you articulated your ridiculous speech.¡± Oh, wow, Tabitha was stunned. She¡¯s¡­ way better at that than I am? This is MY mother? Since when can she talk without sounding like trailer trash? ¡°Your lines were lovely, but they didn¡¯t feel like yours,¡± Mrs. Moore explained, reverting back to her normal way of speaking. ¡°Honestly, thought you were just mocking me, tryin¡¯ to come off as a bad actress. We¡¯re gonna work on that, Tabby.¡± ¡°I¡­¡± Tabitha swallowed, feeling ashamed. ¡°Yeah. After a while, I was just doing it to piss you off. But, I think it all started because I needed something to change. To set us apart, to remind myself, to¡­ um. Get some distance. From you, and from who I was then.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Moore paused for breath. ¡°It worked.¡± ¡°Yeah, I just¡­ I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tabitha said with sincerity. ¡°I was so caught up in¡­ things, so focused on me, that I didn¡¯t care what it did to you. I¡¯m sorry, I haven¡¯t been a great daughter.¡± ¡°Now we¡¯re here, so I guess it¡¯s good that you did,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°Do you want to get started on the basics today?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°I¡­ actually have plans for today¡ªsome friends are driving me out to Louisville.¡± ¡°What?¡± Mrs. Moore actually stumbled. ¡°Tabitha¡ªyou¡¯re thirteen years old, you can¡¯t just go traipsing across the state without saying a word. I know you¡¯ve¡­ grown up a little, and it¡¯s like you have it all together, but...¡±
¡°Karen Williams,¡± the heavyset woman introduced herself, offering a hand to Tabitha¡¯s father. ¡°You must be the Moores!¡± Mrs. Williams was a stout-figured but fashionable mother figure, clad in a what appeared to be summer wear despite the current season¡ªa sleeveless floral-patterned blouse paired with white capris. Her blonde hair was worn in a short bob, and she was awash with jewelry¡ªdangling earrings, a brooch necklace hanging above visible cleavage, and bangle bracelets. They looked more interesting than expensive, the kind of ornamentation that struck Tabitha as conversation pieces rather than a way to flaunt her wealth. In fact, the first, overwhelming impression the woman made was that she was an aggressively social suburban mother, and that any awkward conversation made during the long car-ride to Louisville would become her gossip for the week. ¡°Yes Ma¡¯am,¡± Alan gave her a firm handshake. ¡°Alan Moore, and this is my wife Shannon.¡± Mrs. Moore watched them both with a weak smile, looking decidedly uncomfortable with this strange woman in her home. ¡°And, you¡¯re Tabitha!¡± Mrs. Williams deduced, eschewing a handshake for her and instead wrapping her into a hug. ¡°Can¡¯t tell you how grateful I am for what you did, Honey¡ªSandy¡¯s just been a wreck this whole time.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just glad we were so close when it all happened,¡± Tabitha said, gingerly returning the woman¡¯s hug. ¡°It was lucky.¡± ¡°Well, both of the Williams men are quite taken with you,¡± Mrs. Williams gave Tabitha a squeeze and then pulled her out to arm¡¯s length so she could take a better look at her. ¡°I was halfway to convincin¡¯ Matthew to ride along with us. But, now¡ªI think we¡¯ll have more fun with just us girls!¡± ¡°Matthew said the Macintire¡¯s daughter was coming with us?¡± Tabitha asked, trying not to fidget at the thinly-disguised inspection. ¡°Oh, Hannah¡¯s out in the car, didn¡¯t want her to be a handful,¡± Mrs. Williams admitted in a hushed voice. ¡°We, um. We weren¡¯t sure how bad things were going to be, so she doesn¡¯t know much specific about you know¡ªabout what happened. She just knows her dad got hurt, and that we¡¯re going to go see him today.¡± ¡°How old is she?¡± Mr. Moore asked. ¡°Just in first grade,¡± Mrs. Williams sighed, shaking her head. ¡°She¡¯s quite the little terror, has both the Williams men wrapped around her little finger. Well. Are you ready to take off, Miss Tabitha?¡±
Mrs. Williams was driving a brand new 1998 dark blue Ford Taurus, a model of car so ubiquitous to Tabitha that she realized it wouldn¡¯t be an uncommon sight on the roads even forty years into the future. It looked terribly out of place here in the shabby present of the trailer park now, of course. A dark-haired little girl was buckled into the backseat, peering with interest through her window at the dingy surroundings. ¡°Did you want to sit up front with me, or in the back with Hannah?¡± Mrs. Williams asked. ¡°I¡¯d love to sit with Hannah, if she¡¯s okay with that,¡± Tabitha smiled, stealing a peek over at the girl. ¡°Oh, she¡¯s fine¡ªhop right on in and we can hit the road. Sure hope you love The Beatles!¡± On closer inspection, Hannah was... adorable. She was small for a seven-year old, and looked positively tiny wrapped up in what she assumed was Matthew¡¯s blue-and-white varsity jacket, emblazoned with the Springton S. She had large green eyes, cute round babyfat cheeks and dark, wispy hair loosely gathered into a long ponytail. The first-grader watched from the back seat with trepidation as Mrs. Williams led Tabitha out towards the car. Love at first sight¡ªI don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever wanted a daughter so badly! Tabitha felt a surge of emotion overtake her. Would the Macintres let me babysit, maybe? There¡¯s years yet until Julie¡¯s even born. ¡°Hannah honey, this is Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Williams called into the vehicle as she opened her door. ¡°She¡¯s coming along with us to visit your dad at the hospital, so don¡¯t you dare pick on her!¡± Tabitha opened the rear door and nervously took a seat across from the girl. The interior of the car was still pristine, the new car smell battling it out with vanilla scent from a dangling pine-tree-shaped air freshener. ¡°Hi,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You can call me Tabby, if you want.¡± ¡°Do you live here?¡± Hannah blinked, looking past Tabitha at the mobile homes behind her in trepidation. ¡°Hannah, mind your manners,¡± Mrs. Williams scolded in exasperation, turning to give Tabitha an embarrassed look. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry¡ªlike I said, she¡¯s just a little terror, don¡¯t mind any nonsense she says. Say hello to Tabitha, Hannah honey.¡± ¡°Hello to Tabitha,¡± the smarty pants echoed, shooting Tabitha a cheeky smile but holding out her little hand. ¡°Tabby sounds way better.¡± ¡°Hello to Hannah,¡± Tabitha obliged her handshake. ¡°I only met your dad once, and it was when he got hurt¡ªso, I¡¯m a little nervous about going out to meet him now.¡± ¡°...That¡¯s okay,¡± Hannah decided after looking her over for a moment. ¡°I¡¯ll vouch for you.¡± You¡¯ll vouch for me? Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile. Who did you pick that up from? Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. ¡°So, do you have a boyfriend, Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Williams asked, turning the key in the ignition and starting the car. Heat roared from the vents and as promised, Oh Darling! by The Beatles began to play from the CD player built into the dash. We¡¯re not even out of the trailer park, yet, Tabitha winced, putting on a sheepish grin for the woman to see in her glances towards the rear-view mirror. And already we¡¯re failing the Bechdel test... ¡°Matthew is my husband,¡± Hannah declared, eyeing Tabitha warily. ¡°We¡¯re going to get married.¡± ¡°Not ¡®till you¡¯re both at least thirteen,¡± Mrs. Williams laughed. ¡°You¡¯ll have to let my son play the field a bit until then, Hannah honey.¡± ¡°Thirteen is way too far away,¡± Hannah groaned. ¡°I¡¯m only eight.¡± ¡°Seven, Hannah,¡± Mrs. Williams reminded her. ¡°You¡¯re seven years old, I¡¯ve been to all seven of your birthday parties.¡± ¡°...Seven,¡± Hannah reluctantly corrected herself, looking back to Tabitha. ¡°Almost eight, though. Mostly eight. Eight enough.¡± ¡°I feel like I¡¯m too young to start dating,¡± Tabitha finally answered with a grin, enjoying the comedy exchange between the duo. ¡°I¡¯m younger than I look.¡± ¡°Oh? Fifteen? Fourteen?¡± Mrs. Williams guessed. ¡°I thought for sure you were around Matthew¡¯s age.¡± ¡°Thirteen,¡± Tabitha admitted with a weak smile. ¡°My birthday¡¯s this December. I¡¯m just a freshman.¡± ¡°Thirteen?!¡± Hannah gasped in apparent alarm. ¡°That¡¯s old enough to marry Matthew!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve also only met Matthew once, at school,¡± Tabitha reassured her, before breaking into a devious smile. ¡°My friend Elena is very interested in him, though!¡± ¡°Elena¡ªwho¡¯s Elena?!¡± To Tabitha¡¯s surprise, it was Mrs. Williams jumping in with an exaggerated reaction rather than Hannah. The woman shifted into drive and slowly pulled up the hill to leave the Lower Park. ¡°What¡¯s her last name? Is she a sophomore?¡±
The drive to Louisville didn¡¯t seem long with two enthusiastic chatterboxes to occupy her attention. Hannah was going to be Mulan for Halloween, right up until she heard Tabitha¡¯s plans to be Ariel¡ªthe seven year old immediately decided that she was then also going to be Ariel. Mrs. Williams and Hannah alike both groaned when Tabitha told them that the four cousins she was taking trick-or-treating intended to dress as the South Park cast, prompting an animated discussion on all the better alternatives. It was Mrs. Williams that suggested the boys should dress to match Tabitha¡¯s Little Mermaid theme, but Tabitha struggled to remember the names of male characters they could be beyond Sebastian and Prince Eric. To her surprise, Hannah happened to be a preeminent authority on the film, enthusiastically detailing Flounder and Scuttle for her¡ªas well as Prince Eric¡¯s manservant Grimsby, his dog Max, the singing chef Louis, and even Ursula¡¯s eels Flotsam and Jetsam. This little girl¡¯s memory retention is... alarming! Tabitha thought to herself with a grin. Hannah¡¯s encyclopedic knowledge of the film impressed her enough that she decided the girl would have a place helping her spin the ever-growing notebook of compiled Goblin Princess details and ideas into a proper story. ¡°Hannah, honey, don¡¯t chew on your hair, please,¡± Mrs. Williams reminded the young girl. ¡°Leave that to your hairdresser.¡± Well¡­ in a few more years, Tabitha thought with a smile, reaching over and pulling Hannah¡¯s ponytail out of the girl¡¯s mouth and straightening her hair. The enthusiastic conversation seemed to have run out of steam and Hannah was busy marveling out the window at the sights of downtown Louisville. Don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever find a more perfect beta reader than her! Mrs. Williams, for her part, had seemed keen on pitching their family¡¯s big Halloween party held this year at their lake house throughout the duration of the car ride. Between several neighborhood families in regular attendance, Matthew¡¯s youth group from their First Methodist church, and the various friends from school of his invited, it was a big event¡ªa teenage social soiree carefully orchestrated by none other than this fearsome Mrs. Williams herself. Equally excited and trepidations of making her debut, as Mrs. Williams put it, Tabitha remained politely interested, but ultimately non-committal in promising her attendance. She¡¯d only met Matthew once, after all, and her feelings were¡­ complicated. It was a discussion to test out with Elena and Alicia first, and there was no time to ponder it over more right now¡ª they were already pulling into the University of Louisville Hospital¡¯s parking lot. The place looked positively ancient, like something out of a 1980s film. The Cardiovascular Innovation Institute building, a marvel of curved silvery panels and glass¡­ did not exist yet, and nor did the stark geometric flared lines of the Clinical Translational Research building, or several of the other modern structures Tabitha remembered appreciating but not quite recalling the names of. She¡¯d navigated her own lonely way around the area just months ago, when getting her chronic migraines examined. That¡­ was really me, Tabitha thought, almost numb to the fact by now. I lived a life in the future¡ªI was RIGHT HERE, sort of, but in 2045. It wasn¡¯t even that long ago, was it? That strange MRI machine¡­ and what was that nice young nurse¡¯s name? Mrs. Williams clucked her tongue in annoyance at the cold air when she stepped out of the Ford Taurus. She quickly crossed around the vehicle to fuss with Hannah¡¯s borrowed jacket and make sure it was buttoned up properly. ¡°You ready, Miss Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Williams asked, noticing Tabitha¡¯s hesitation. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded, trying to stop from staring at everything. ¡°Sorry.¡± Holding hands with everyone while crossing through parking lots was proper protocol for Hannah, and she diligently took Mrs. Williams on one side and Tabitha on the other as they walked past the rows of cars in their parking area. They¡¯d parked across from the Cancer Center, one of the few buildings Tabitha still recognized¡ªalthough in 1998, the sign emblazoned across the building instead read a full name, James Graham Brown Cancer Center. When they entered through one of the nearby double-doors together, she tried to stifle her sense of discomfort at realizing she didn¡¯t have her bracelet PC on her¡ªhaving her ID and all of her insurance information keyed into the thing wouldn¡¯t have done much to help her here, anyways. Everything was out of place from how she remembered, but that lingering sense of didn¡¯t I forget something persisted as they navigated the halls, following the series of information placards with arrows posted regularly upon the walls. ¡°Mom!¡± Hannah broke away from them and ran at full tilt through a quiet Hospital waiting area upon first sight of her mother. ¡°Aww¡ªc¡¯mere, my baby girl,¡± Mrs. Macintire said with a doting smile, grabbing Hannah and hoisting her up with some difficulty to hold her in a tight hug. ¡°Ooph¡ªwhat¡¯s she been feeding you, you little butterball! You¡¯ve gotten so heavy!¡± ¡°Macaroni and cheese!¡± Hannah gleefully reported. ¡°With ketchup on top!¡± ¡°That¡¯s... disgusting!¡± Mrs. Macintire turned to throw the approaching Mrs. Williams a skeptical look. ¡°Ketchup? I hope you¡¯re kidding.¡± ¡°The acidity helps bring out the flavor!¡± Mrs. Williams argued with a laugh. ¡°My recipe calls for fresh-cut tomatoes, but Hannah wasn¡¯t having any of that.¡± ¡°Tomatoes, ew!¡± Hannah wrinkled her little nose in distaste, looking up towards Mrs. Macintire with a giggle. ¡°Where¡¯s Dad?¡± ¡°He¡¯s still resting now, we¡¯ll go and see him in a bit,¡± Mrs. Macintire promised, setting Hannah down to stand on one of the nearby waiting room seats. ¡°Thank you so much for looking after her, Karen. I know she can be a handful.¡± ¡°Two handfuls! But, just say the word and we¡¯ll keep her forever,¡± Mrs. Williams said, taking Tabitha by the shoulders and presenting her forward. ¡°This¡ªis Tabitha Moore!¡± ...Mrs. Crow?! Tabitha froze, feeling her insides seize up in recognition. There had been a nagging familiar sense at seeing this woman. She had dark hair, but there were almost no facial similarities to her daughter at all¡ªHannah took after her father, while Sandra Macintire had somewhat prominent cheekbones and sharp, narrow features, giving her a distinct, intense sort of beauty. Tabitha knew this woman with the piercing gaze in the future... but not under the Macintire name. This was¡ªor would be, would have been someday, under different circumstances¡ªthe gaunt, hatchet-faced Mrs. Crow, from the office at the Safety Plant. A woman whose resting bitch-face was only broken by disapproving sneers, who barked out demands and criticisms and was always, always giving her the dirtiest looks. Of course she hated me, Tabitha felt her stomach lurch and twist up with guilt. She knew I was from Sunset Estates. That we let her husband die. Oh, God... what did we do to you, back then? Time had been very cruel to the woman in that timeline, because back here in 1998, even her hawkish features were softer, more fleshed out. She was pretty in her own unique way, had a face that could smile, one full of love and adoration for her daughter. The Mrs. Crow she remembered from 2014 onwards had a hooked and angular face, with deep lines that were etched into a perpetual scowl. But, no! No, this isn¡¯t her. Not exactly, not yet. No, it WON¡¯T EVER be her, she never lost her husband, never had to remarry, Tabitha tried to tell herself. Such a crazy coincidence, though! I never realized she was from Springton. I mean, the Safety Plant¡¯s over in Fairfield, and¡ªoh Jesus they¡¯re all staring I need to say something. ¡°H-hello,¡± Tabitha said quickly, swallowing and trying to keep her calm after that awkward pause. ¡°Hi. It¡¯s, um, it¡¯s nice to finally meet you.¡± Without saying a word, Mrs. Macintire crossed over and wrapped Tabitha up in a fierce hug. Before Tabitha could fumble out what to say, she realized from the minute tremors that Mrs. Macintire had already begun to quietly cry. The sentiment was infectious, because moments later Tabitha felt her own unbidden tears rise up, and she clutched at the near-stranger just as tightly as this woman did to her. ¡°Thank you,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed out with a sniffle. ¡°Thank you. What you did means so much to me.¡± ¡°How about I head out and grab you some real food,¡± Mrs. Williams proposed. ¡°Sandy, you look dreadful. Your usual Southwestern salad?¡± ¡°A giant cheeseburger¡ªsomething greasy and just smothered in bacon,¡± Mrs. Macintire reluctantly disengaged from Tabitha while wiping her eyes. ¡°Lots of fries. Coffee? Thank you so much, Karen. Were you able to grab those papers?¡± ¡°I was!¡± Mrs. Williams dug into purse and withdrew several folded newspaper sections, giving Tabitha a meaningful look. ¡°Cheeseburgers for you, Miss Tabitha? I know Hannah is strictly ketchup and pickle only.¡± ¡°Happy meal with ketchup and pickle only, please!¡± Hannah eagerly chimed in. ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha hurriedly dug out the five-dollar bill from her pocket she¡¯d prepared for emergencies. ¡°A salad would be lovely¡­¡± ¡°Oh, Sandy, you¡¯re gonna love this girl,¡± Mrs. Williams muttered, casually swatting away the offered five in amusement. ¡°Listen to her¡ªa salad, at her age. What¡¯s this world coming to?¡± ¡°You should get a Happy Meal!¡± Hannah agreed. ¡°They come with the Ronald and pals¡¯ Haunted Halloween. I¡¯m missing Fry Kid, and Birdie!¡± ¡°Fry Kid and Birdie, I¡¯ll remember to ask,¡± Mrs. Williams promised with an indulgent smile. ¡°Back in a bit, then, I¡¯ll leave you ladies be!¡± ¡°Thank you again, Karen,¡± Mrs. Macintire said with emotion as they watched the chubby woman depart. ¡°Phew. Okay. Hannah sweetie¡ªI¡¯d like to sit down with you and talk to you about what happened.¡± They moved over to the corner of the waiting room, situating Hannah to sit between them. Mrs. Macintire nervously took daughter¡¯s hand, awkwardly spreading the newspaper sections Mrs. Williams had brought her across her lap. Officer in Critical Condition After Springton Shooting, a headline stood out in bold lettering, but thankfully Hannah didn¡¯t seem able to read well enough to catch that at a single glance. ¡°Honey¡­ your daddy was shot, while he was out being a policeman,¡± Mrs. Macintire revealed. ¡°Shot?¡± Hannah asked, her animated smile dropping away. ¡°Shot like¡­ with a gun?¡± ¡°Yes, a bad person shot him, and he almost died,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°It was very, very close. He¡ªhe only just started getting better.¡± The seven year old girl went very quiet and extremely still as Mrs. Macintire began to pass her the sections of newspaper. Several featured aerial photos of the squad car that had smashed Jeremy Redford¡¯s white continental off the road, along with photos of Mr. Macintire. Tiny fingers held the paper carefully in front of her and Hannah¡¯s eyes narrowed in concentration as she struggled to decipher some of the words. ¡°They said he would have died, if not for Tabitha, here,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, handing over the section she¡¯d saved for last. ¡°She was right there when it happened, went up right away to go give your daddy first aid. Th-they said¡ªum, they said, if she hadn¡¯t been there to stop the bleeding, your daddy wouldn¡¯t have made it.¡± Springton Teen Saves Life of Police Officer, the story claimed, and beneath was an enormous picture of¡ª Oh my God, that¡¯s ME, Tabitha realized, eyes going wide. This is the picture Alicia took? When did this come out? Everything in the photo seemed bright and distracting compared to the tunnel-vision she¡¯d experienced that afternoon, but the foreground was taken up by her, rushing to rescue the downed officer. He was laid out across the gravel beside the road, several yards in front of his police cruiser, looking smaller, more diminished than she remembered. The photo was blurred and imperfect, but the way Tabitha¡¯s red hair tangled in the wind behind her and her posture leaning into her forward dash made it all look incredibly dramatic. Hannah looked up at Tabitha in shock, eyes already wet, before looking back at the newspaper, then back again to Tabitha as if to compare them. The little girl¡¯s breathing accelerated, and then began to hitch in her throat as she began to lose control and start crying. Heart caught in her throat, Tabitha took Hannah¡¯s hand to comfort her, and the little girl immediately squeezed back tightly. ¡°Wh-what happened?¡± Hannah demanded angrily between sobs, letting the newspaper sections slide out of her lap and across the floor. ¡°What happened to the bad guy?¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s head snapped up, looking towards Tabitha with a difficult expression, and once again it was hard for Tabitha to reconcile her with the image she had of the despised Mrs. Crow from the future. ¡°They caught the bad guy,¡± Tabitha answered quietly, gnawing on her lip as she glanced from Mrs. Macintire to her daughter. ¡°The other policeman caught him, and¡­ sent him away for a very long time, because he was in so much trouble.¡± 17: No good deed goes unpunished. ¡°Well, what happened next?¡± Alicia asked, leaning forward over the library table with interest. Inwardly, she was feeling pretty thrilled hearing about the way Tabitha got her first look at the photo she¡¯d snapped¡ªsharing a big moment with the people who were most affected by that whole incident like that was amazing. ¡°That was... pretty much it,¡± Tabitha shrugged, looking helplessly from Alicia to Elena. ¡°We went in and saw Mr. Macintire twice before we left, but he was conked out both times. No one wanted to wake him up or disturb his rest¡ªhe still looked terrible.¡± ¡°What?!¡± Alicia made an incredulous face. ¡°You didn¡¯t even get to talk to him?¡± ¡°What would I have even said?¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Still, I¡¯m glad I went. Hannah¡¯s adorable, and her mother Mrs. Macintire was¡­ really struggling to keep it together. They even invited me to have Thanksgiving with them!¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Alicia huffed. Spending Thanksgiving with people who weren¡¯t your family seemed surreal to her. But, then again, the Moores seemed to have a pretty tense relationship, and she felt a pang of sympathy for her friend. While Tabitha had gone gallivanting off to Louisville over the past weekend, Alicia had been mulling over the rather spectacular art club meeting she¡¯d attended on Friday. Mr. Peterson introduced her by way of a giant print of her Tabitha in Motion picture, informing everyone that it was already being published in a paper. As if that hadn¡¯t wowed them enough, Alicia then revealed her portfolios of drawings, which managed to impress even more. General consensus was that her work as a freshman was on a college level, something only two other members¡ªboth painters¡ªcould claim. Casey and Matthew were the only art club people she knew so far, but typical meetings were ostensibly just free time in the art building to practice their craft rather than social get togethers. Later in the year, they¡¯d supposedly run an art show, and at some point or another the Springton High administration was going to task them with painting a new school mural over the old one. Alicia wasn¡¯t the best at fitting in and making new friends, but she found herself surprisingly optimistic about the whole art club thing. ¡°That¡¯s not all you got invited to, though, is it Tabitha?¡± Elena spoke up, giving Tabitha a look of challenge. ¡°Word through the grapevine is that yesterday, Matthew personally invited you to his big Halloween party on the lake.¡± ¡°Um. No, he didn¡¯t,¡± Tabitha shook her head with a wry smile. ¡°Mrs. Williams tried to convince me I should go, during the drive up. Don¡¯t know if I will, though. I¡¯ve never been to that sort of thing.¡± ¡°His mom tried convincing you?¡± Elena gave her a skeptical look. ¡°What about him¡ªwhat did he say, during the trip?¡± ¡°Matthew wasn¡¯t there,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°It was just his mother, Hannah and I.¡± ¡°...Huh,¡± Elena frowned, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. ¡°That¡¯s not how it went in the story I heard, at all.¡± ¡°Rumors spreading around again?¡± Alicia remarked in amusement. ¡°Maybe,¡± Elena sighed. ¡°I spend one Saturday with her, and I¡¯m about to start spreading rumors already. I want to tell everyone, but I feel like no one¡¯ll believe me.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Alicia quirked an eyebrow. ¡°Saturday? What happened?¡± ¡°Nothing happened,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes. ¡°We were looking after my cousins.¡± ¡°Yeah, right, looking after your cousins,¡± Elena retorted with a laugh. ¡°Tabby¡ªyou know kung fu. I saw it with my own eyes.¡± ¡°Kung fu?¡± Alicia turned an expectant smile towards Tabitha. ¡°I don¡¯t know kung fu!¡± Tabitha protested. ¡°It¡¯s taekwondo. It¡¯s not some mysterious, profound thing like in movies, either¡ªthere¡¯s a taekwondo place in downtown Springton, for crying out loud.¡± ¡°You mean the dojo or whatever in the plaza across from Food Lion?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Sign says ¡®Martial Arts?¡¯ I see it on the bus ride home.¡± ¡°You said you were self-taught, though, Tabitha,¡± Elena remembered, tapping her lip. ¡°So, you didn¡¯t learn there?¡± ¡°No, that place¡ªit¡¯s, um. Expensive,¡± Tabitha mumbled. ¡°For us, anyways. Even if we could afford it, there¡¯s a lot of more important things to put money towards, right now.¡± Like what, stock investments? Alicia gave Tabitha an appraising look. Hey, maybe she picked up taekwondo somewhere in the future, and just brought that knowledge back with her? Alicia¡¯s prior certainty that Tabitha¡¯s time travel story had been completely made up was experiencing a slight crisis of faith. Tabitha had proven both imaginative and intelligent, so it was understandable if the redhead¡¯s educated guesswork could paint a believable future¡ªexcept when it came to Alicia¡¯s private artwork. Stashed in the gap between her bed and the wall, Alicia had a folder of borderline erotic drawings hidden, and absolute complete confidence that no one else knew about them. Even if someone were to discover them, they would remark on the boobs¡ªAlicia admittedly practiced drawing a lot of boobs in secret, because they needed to look just right. There was only a single drawing of a woman¡¯s naked back. One that Tabitha had described in eerie detail last week. There was just no way anyone would guess that it was Alicia¡¯s favorite, her muse, something she¡¯d scrawled out in a mesmerized moment of inspiration, some accidentally amazing thing that filled her with powerful emotion each and every time she brought it out to admire. If there was any one concept that Alicia was absolutely determined to realize into a masterpiece someday in the future¡ªit was exactly that one. She once again found herself carefully watching Tabitha, the girl who was casually penciling out algebra equations while simultaneously engaging them in conversation. Is she filling out that worksheet suspiciously fast, or... do I just suck at math? ¡°So, she leaps up into the air like the Karate Kid, and kicks this soda can right off the top my freaking head,¡± Elena recounted. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s like¡ªshe was doing backflips and stuff during a game of tag with little kids.¡± ¡°She¡¯s exaggerating, don¡¯t listen to her,¡± Tabitha shook her head with a smile. ¡°It was a teeny bit of taekwondo, and then a couple hand-springs to show off for the boys. They love seeing anything remotely acrobatic¡ªthey¡¯re still in elementary.¡± ¡°Everyone loves acrobatics, Tabby,¡± Elena insisted. ¡°You can make JV cheerleading with those moves easy, tryout season or not. I think you should.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I just don¡¯t have the interest¡ªor the time. My mother has it in her head now that she¡¯s going to personally teach me how to act and model and whatever.¡± ¡°She what?!¡± Elena demanded, planting both hands on the tabletop and dropping her voice to a grave whisper. ¡°Your Mom said that? Are you gonna switch to theater electives?¡± ¡°At the end of the semester I think, yeah,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Was hoping to take creative writing, instead.¡± ¡°Is this how things were supposed to go?¡± Alicia asked, giving Tabitha a meaningful glance. ¡°If you know what I mean? ¡°Supposed to go?¡± Elena repeated, looking from Alicia to Tabitha for answers. ¡°They¡­¡± Tabitha gave them a weak smile. ¡°No, it isn¡¯t. They were supposed to go¡­ poorly. The acting thing isn¡¯t what I thought I wanted, but¡­ my mother¡¯s really trying, and I want to see where this goes.¡± ¡°So, we¡¯re off course, or¡­ ?¡± Alicia looked surprised. ¡°Way off course,¡± Tabitha groaned, dropped her face into her hands. ¡°Just making it all up as I go, now. She¡¯s gonna start teaching me today after school, I¡¯m pretty much dreading it.¡± ¡°Sure wish I wasn¡¯t excluded from whatever your plans are,¡± Elena said, looking put out. ¡°So that, y¡¯know, maybe I could be a part of them?¡± ¡°Yeah, nice try,¡± Alicia playfully scoffed. ¡°It¡¯s a big secret¡ªand you¡¯ve only known her for like, one week.¡± ¡°So, there¡¯s really a big secret?¡± Elena perked up again almost immediately, presenting an interested smile. For all of her talent and foresight, Tabitha was pretty terrible at guarding her expression, and Alicia couldn¡¯t help but grin, because the girl¡¯s face gave everything away.
¡°Hey, did you hear Matthew Williams asked that Tabitha girl out?¡± Um¡ªhe what? Tabitha had been busy adjusting the outline of the Goblina novel with some of her new ideas when she discovered her name once again seemed to be on everyone¡¯s lips. That cabal of popular girls loosely grouped in the center of the class was putting on a show of speaking a little too loudly again, and the other surrounding students had already gone quiet. ¡°Ew, Tubby Tabby? Why her?¡± ¡°He¡¯s supposedly all head over heels for her now, it¡¯s this whole big thing. Mrs. Albertson was going on and on about her, has this article clipping that makes it look all like Tabitha was running right in to the rescue, yeah, har har. So, Matthew drove her to up Louisville yesterday to see his dad, who I think¡¯s one of those police officers who got shot? He asked her out and I think they kissed.¡± Kissed?! Matthew... never even asked me out, though? He didn¡¯t take me to Louisville, either! Tabitha¡¯s pencil lead snapped at the pressure she was applying to the notebook page, and she swiped the broken lead away with the back of her hand in aggravation. I may have¡­ okay, like a tiny little crush on him. But, it was super evident the other day that he was just being polite with me. Where is all this even coming from¡ªare they purposefully conflating Officer Macintire and Officer Williams? ¡°She¡¯s so fucking fake,¡± a third voice insisted. ¡°I can¡¯t stand her. Like, Matthew¡¯s dad almost died, right? Have some goddamn decency. There¡¯s no way she did anything for that cop but spout bullshit way afterwards. We¡¯d have known.¡± ¡°Yeah, did she really even do anything?¡± One of the girls scoffed. ¡°She lives in that trailer park. Bet she hears sirens and then just happens to be right there when the news van pulls in. So that she can spin whatever story she wants. So sick of hearing everyone stuck on that whole stupid shooting thing, anyways. Like, yeah, okay, it happened¡ªnow, can we move on?¡± ¡°Can someone speak up to Matthew, though?¡± A girl griped. ¡°As if the shooting thing wasn¡¯t bad enough. Now, it¡¯s like she¡¯s totally just taking advantage of him, when he¡¯s in grief or whatever and isn¡¯t thinking straight.¡± ¡°Y¡¯all are full of shit,¡± a tall boy spoke up¡ªthe one Tabitha mentally thought of as the redneck kid for his white shirt and tight blue jeans paired with cowboy boots. ¡°Matt¡¯s dad was in my drive-thru late last night for coffee¡ªseemed pretty fuckin¡¯ healthy to me.¡± ¡°Shut the fuck up, Bobby,¡± one of the girls spat back with vehemence. ¡°You don¡¯t even get what we¡¯re talking about.¡± ¡°We¡¯re talking about Matthew¡¯s dad,¡± another girl retorted. ¡°Matthew Williams. Not one of the other Matts.¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªyou¡¯re talkin¡¯ ¡®bout Officer Williams? I know him waaay better¡¯n any of you bitches,¡± Bobby boasted. ¡°Busted me an¡¯ my brother with a joint back behind the Minit Mart, but he had us stand there and finish smoking the whole thing first ¡®fore he took us in. Ain¡¯t never forgettin¡¯ that¡ªI always say what¡¯s up when I see him.¡± ¡°Mind your own damned business, Bobby, geez.¡± The first girl glowered. ¡°This isn¡¯t even about you. Asshole.¡±
¡°It¡¯s an honor to meet you, Mr. Wilcott, thank you for coming in on such short notice,¡± Mrs. Moore said from her seat on the sofa, picking up the half-dozen sheets of blank paper on the worn coffee table in front of her and aligning them together into a perfect stack with a crisp tap of the edges on her makeshift ¡®desk.¡¯ ¡°Please, call me John,¡± Tabitha blurted out, speaking a little too quickly. Directly after arriving home from school, her mother had taken her by the shoulders without a word and directed her into the living room, where they sat across from each other as if they were about to have another serious talk. Instead, by best guess it was a theatre exercise¡ªthe first of what would likely be many constituting this nervously anticipated mother-to-daughter crash course in becoming an actress. She hadn¡¯t known what to expect, but to Tabitha, the current situation felt ridiculous to the point of becoming surreal. ¡°Alright then, John,¡± Mrs. Moore turned a disinterested glance from the blank papers in front of her back to Tabitha. ¡°We pulled your resume out of a rather large pool of candidates with better qualifications than you¡ªcan you guess why that is?¡± ¡°The reason for that is¡­¡± Tabitha¡¯s paused to gather her thoughts. Resume¡ªokay, so this is supposed to be a job interview. I¡¯m Mr. Wilcott, please call me John, and I really need this job. ¡°Because the qualified candidates you¡¯ve brought in haven¡¯t met your expectations,¡± Tabitha elaborated without missing a beat, deciding to punctuate her sentences with what she imagined were masculine gestures. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. Apparently, her first acting lesson was being thrown in the deep end without warning. Improvisation exercises, and while Tabitha thought herself fairly adept at thinking on her feet, she struggled to stop thinking of the situation in terms of what her mother wanted from her in an acting lesson, and instead what this interviewer expected to hear from Mr. Wilcott. ¡°Oh?¡± Mrs. Moore¡ªno, the human resources director at Employment Corporation challenged, arching an eyebrow. ¡°What makes you say that?¡± ¡°The only thing I can imagine setting me apart from my peers¡ªhah, aside from lacking a degree, of course¡ªis that I have some actual experience in the field, even if it¡¯s not exactly related. I believe you need experience, connections, and hands-on know-how more than you need a fancy frame on the wall behind my desk, Ms¡ª?¡± ¡°Mr. Goldstein,¡± Mrs. Moore introduced herself with a frown. ¡°Mr. Goldstein, excuse me,¡± Tabitha tried to cover her wince with an awkward smile. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m of the mind you chose me over candidates with better qualifications because you believe I can give you results, and I can.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Moore made a disapproving frown. ¡°I definitely don¡¯t agree with that.¡± The mock interview went on for almost ten rather excruciating minutes, with Tabitha choosing to plaster a rather uncharacteristic smarmy smile across her face for the whole thing. The point of the game seemed to be to act out a character under pressure, and Mrs. Moore playing the part of the stern interviewer was pulling no punches. ¡°Moving on¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore wrapped up the session with an attitude of scarcely concealed disdain, ¡°When we contacted your previous employer, we were informed of certain... circumstances regarding your termination. Would you care to elaborate on the nature of those circumstances?¡± ¡°That is, well,¡± Tabitha finally frowned and adjusted the collar of the imaginary business attire Mr. Wilcott was wearing. ¡°Hah, you know how this industry is, Mr. Goldenstein. It¡¯s competitive. As soon as I¡¯m not working for them, I¡¯m working for someone else, working against them, do you understand? You see, when a man with my skills¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m disappointed,¡± Mrs. Moore sighed and dropped the blank papers back onto the coffee table. ¡°That¡¯s not what I wanted to hear, Mr. Wilcott.¡± ¡°Please, call me John,¡± Tabitha insisted with a nervous laugh. ¡°Now, whatever¡¯s been said about me, surely there¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Yes, yes, we¡¯ll be in touch with you if we have any further questions, Mr. Wilcott,¡± Mrs. Moore sighed, rising up from her seat on the sofa and offering her hand. ¡°Of course, of course,¡± Tabitha stood up with a strained expression and shook hands. ¡°Thank you for the opportunity.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t freeze up, Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Moore broke character and grinned at her daughter, not releasing her grip. ¡°Thought for sure you would. That please, call me John, came out right away. You pulled it off so fast, it¡¯s like you already knew what we were going to be playing.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha exhaled slowly, dropping the fake smile and working to relax the not-quite-feigned tension in her shoulders. ¡°Let¡¯s talk ¡®bout how that interview went,¡± Mrs. Moore dropped back down onto the sofa with a pleased smile. ¡°I¡¯m very impressed with your ad-libbing! You came up with great answers, out of nowhere.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha nodded again, returning to her seat. ¡°The gestures were a nice try¡ªI didn¡¯t expect those either¡ªbut, you really need to practice them. I didn¡¯t think you¡¯d attempt any body language on a surprise first pop quiz, so it was a good effort, but they came off as very stiff and unpracticed.¡± ¡°For the record,¡± Tabitha cleared her throat. ¡°A pop quiz is to determine how much knowledge I¡¯ve retained without any forewarning to study. As you haven¡¯t actually started to teach me yet, I had nothing to retain. I recognize your criticism, but feel it is rather undeserved. There was no chance I would have known any of these things.¡± ¡°There you go talking like a robot again,¡± Mrs. Moore rolled her eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t speak with proper diction anymore if you¡¯re not going to put some character into it¡ªyer flat delivery really isn¡¯t doin¡¯ you any favors, Tabby.¡± ¡°Noted,¡± Tabitha grunted, giving her mother a cool look and crossing her arms. ¡°Moving on, your answers were surprisingly well-thought, but overall you were speaking too fast,¡± Mrs. Moore explained. ¡°You never found your rhythm. That you can think everything up on the fly like that is impressive, but try to mind your pace a bit more. Put your speech into a cadence that fits the character and the situation.¡± ¡°...Okay,¡± Tabitha said after a moment of reflection. ¡°Got it.¡± ¡°Now, what can you tell me about your character?¡± Mrs. Moore mused, momentarily slipping back into her interviewing voice. ¡°Your impression of the role you took.¡± ¡°He really needed that job,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I could feel the sweat forming on his brow. I think there were consequences looming over him, and he was prepared to lie or cheat to try to land the position.¡± ¡°Then, why didn¡¯t you?¡± Mrs. Moore gave Tabitha a curious glance. ¡°Didn¡¯t I?¡± Tabitha returned the look with a mystifying one of her own. ¡°Touch¨¦!¡± Mrs. Moore smiled, a beaming, proud smile that for a strange moment Tabitha connected to the lovely Shannon Moore she¡¯d seen in photos from the past. ¡°I was never, ever going to give you the job anyways. Of course.¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha showed her mother a shy smile. ¡°Um. Are all of our lessons going to be like that? On the spot?¡± ¡°Not all of them,¡± Mrs. Moore chuckled. ¡°I¡¯m gonna run you through all the exercises I remember helped me the most, though. I always hated the improv ones, but I see it turns out they¡¯ll be the easiest for you.¡± ¡°That makes sense,¡± Tabitha nodded, feeling herself shrink up and shrivel inside. That came off as EASY? ¡°I think it¡¯s the emotional ones you¡¯ll struggle with,¡± Mrs. Moore tapped her lip, deep in thought. ¡°Channeling actual furious anger so you can shout and scream, breaking down into tears, and all the lovely things between. But¡ªwe¡¯ll work up to those.¡± ¡°...Great,¡± Tabitha deadpanned, unable to hide her lack of enthusiasm.
¡°Yeah, apparently she already came out and admitted to making the whole thing up,¡± a dark-haired teen in a Backstreet Boys tee said, rearranging a pile of textbooks in her open locker. ¡°She admitted it herself?¡± A short girl with her hair pulled up in a series of butterfly clips waiting beside her asked. ¡°Yeah,¡± the dark-haired girl affirmed. ¡°Guess she was afraid the police were gonna come down on her for all of her bullshit? Can you believe the newspaper actually put¡ª¡± What. ¡°Hey¡ªare you talking about Tabitha?¡± Elena interrupted, approaching the students with a frown. She wasn¡¯t feeling shy at all about inviting herself over to stand in their personal space along the busy locker-lined corridor. ¡°Tabitha Moore?¡± ¡°Yeah, why?¡± The first girl paused, sizing Elena up. ¡°Tabitha Moore admitted to making up the story about saving that cop?¡± Elena pressed. ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°When?¡± Elena challenged. ¡°To who?¡± ¡°I dunno, her friends, I guess? Then, after that word just spread?¡± ¡°No, she didn¡¯t¡ªthat¡¯s bullshit,¡± Elena scowled. ¡°I¡¯m one of her friends¡ªshe really saved that cop¡¯s life.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not what everybody¡¯s saying,¡± the dark-haired girl laughed, shrugging it off. ¡°So, what, that picture in the paper¡¯s fake?¡± Elena retorted. ¡°Pssh, uh yeah. Obviously. All newspapers and tabloids have programs that can doctor stuff like that, easy. Corel PaintShop Pro, or Adobe Fireworks. Y¡¯know?¡± ¡°Then, her calling it in over the police dispatch, that was fake too? ¡°What police dispatch?¡± the girl gave her a doubtful look. ¡°Umm, probably? I don¡¯t think they¡¯re even allowed to release those. Like, legally.¡± ¡°It was all over the news last week, though,¡± Elena refuted. ¡°Waaay before that new article with the photo came out.¡± ¡°Yeah okay, if you say so?¡± the dark-haired teen snorted. ¡°I didn¡¯t hear anything about it. Couldn¡¯t have been very big news?¡± ¡°So... you¡¯re saying Matthew Williams¡¯ dad is a liar?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°He was the officer first responding to the scene. Apparently he thinks Tabitha was there saving the other cop¡¯s life.¡± ¡°Who told you that?¡± ¡°Matthew Williams himself.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t say anyone was a liar¡ªI¡¯m just tellin¡¯ what I heard,¡± the girl groused, looking towards her short friend for a helping word in frustration. ¡°Matthew¡¯s like, biased now anyways if him and her are a thing now, right? And, if Tabitha¡¯s not guilty, why¡¯d she tell her friends she made it all up, then. Huh?¡± ¡°Oh, well you see,¡± Elena smiled through gritted teeth. ¡°She didn¡¯t. I¡¯m one of Tabitha¡¯s friends, and that¡¯s not what she told us, at all. I¡¯m Matthew¡¯s friend, too¡ªhe never asked her out. I¡¯d just love to hear where you bitches got your fucking story from.¡± ¡°Excuse me?¡± ¡°Maybe don¡¯t run your mouths if you don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about?¡± Elena suggested cheerfully, reaching between them to slam the girl¡¯s locker closed and then brushing past them. ¡°Makes you all sound pretty fucking stupid, in my opinion.¡± Jesus¡­ Elena let out a slow breath of frustration as she strode down the hallway. She was exhausted, repeatedly throwing herself onto the front lines to hotly contest every single false word about Tabitha she overheard. It was only Tuesday, but the amount of conversations she¡¯d forced her way into already was dizzying. She couldn¡¯t be everywhere at once¡ªshe didn¡¯t even have time to chill with Tabitha and Alicia at lunch today¡ªbut in broad strokes, a bigger picture was forming. The Tabitha gossip disseminating throughout Springton High wasn¡¯t random, and it always seemed to originate from sophomores, rather than their fellow freshman. Elena didn¡¯t know many tenth-grade girls¡ªthat was Carrie¡¯s crowd, now. But the narrative, from the sophomore¡¯s responses, was definitely evolving in specific reaction to Elena¡¯s own efforts to stamp out the rumors everywhere. Yeah? Elena smirked. Well, bring it. She¡¯d taken a firm side on this and was adamant in her stance, blood running hot as she went from each conversation and verbal spat with fistfuls of facts and counter arguments. Her immediate reputation was battered and beaten¡ªmore than half of the girls in her classes were pissed at her, to say nothing of everyone else¡­ but that was going to be a temporary thing. Probably.
¡°Do you think that¡¯s one of the girls talking shit about you?¡± Alicia asked in a low voice, leaning in towards Tabitha so that no one else would overhear. Though the school seemed divided on the Tabitha issue, several of the art club people had voiced their support. Despite Elena finally convincing them to stop spending their lunch periods in the library, their friend was nowhere to be found today. Regardless, their attempt at staking their claim on a good location in the quad area was turning a lot of heads. Though they were getting a lot of stares, Tabitha seemed particularly distracted, her gaze consistently turning towards a particular table of girls across from them. They definitely looked over here when we sat down¡ªare they talking about her? ¡°What?¡± Tabitha asked with a distracted laugh. ¡°What? No, That girl keeps moving her hands when she talks.¡± ¡°Moving her hands¡­?¡± Alicia peered over towards the other table. ¡°I¡¯m supposed to practice my gestures,¡± Tabitha explained, turning towards Alicia and raising one hand. ¡°But, soon as I start keeping an eye out for people with expressive body language, it¡¯s like they¡¯re nowhere to be found. That girl over there¡¯s the best one I¡¯ve seen yet today.¡± ¡°Best at¡­ what?¡± Alicia arched an eyebrow. ¡°Physical expressions. It¡¯s like she¡¯s physically grasping onto the conversation,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°She does these little pantomiming waves to illustrate the flow of whatever she¡¯s saying¡ªat least, that¡¯s how I think of it. Then, when she wants someone¡¯s response, she indicates it with this gesture like she¡¯s actually passing the reins of the conversation to them.¡± Tabitha splayed out her hand open-palmed towards Alicia to demonstrate, putting her on the spot. ¡°Umm,¡± Alicia blinked. ¡°Yeah I mean, I get it? One of the how to draw books I have has a thing on gestures, if you wanna check it out. Seems super weird when you do it, though.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°It¡¯s just¡ªit¡¯s not something that I ever do myself naturally, so when I try to practice it, it feels incredibly¡­ silly? Exaggerated? Some people are just naturally very animated when they¡¯re speaking. It¡¯s something I¡¯m supposed to be able to imitate.¡± ¡°It¡¯s definitely a little weird on you,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°I don¡¯t think it works with your serious expression. You gotta pair it with like, one of those big, fake smiles that they do.¡± ¡°I think it goes just as well with a serious expression,¡± Tabitha frowned, imitating a flap of the hand as she watched the other table. ¡°But then, I need to slow down the movements to¡­ match the mood?¡± One of the girls over there caught sight Tabitha¡¯s hand movement and immediately scowled, hunching in towards the other girls at that table to whisper something. ¡°Uhh, or people¡¯ll think you¡¯re mocking them?¡± Alicia struggled to hide a grin with the back of her hand. ¡°I-I¡¯m not, though!¡± Tabitha immediately dropped both of her hands to the table and quickly hid her face. ¡°I was just¡ª¡± ¡°Like, wooow,¡± Alicia shook her head in amusement. ¡°As if you needed to stir up any more drama than you already have?¡± ¡°Alicia, th-that¡¯s not funny!¡±
Ohhh my goodness. Elena thought giddily to herself. He¡¯s way too hot! She¡¯d stoically planted herself right in the path of Matthew Williams himself, and she was struggling to maintain her disapproving frown. Final bell had rung and the school day was over, but while Matthew had his own car, she had a narrow window of time to take care of this before she had to make a dash for the bus loop. ¡°Hey, ¡®Lena,¡± Matthew smiled, pausing in the hall with one thumb hooked casually into the backpack strap at his shoulder. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Yeah, hi,¡± Elena scowled, crossing her arms. ¡°Were you talking about Tabitha to anyone yesterday morning?¡± ¡°Uhh, yeah?¡± Those dreamy eyes of his looked perplexed. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t know what you actually said, but word¡¯s going around everywhere that you asked her out when you drove her to Louisville on Sunday.¡± ¡°That¡¯s... not true,¡± Matthew blanched. ¡°Think all I said was, like, how my Mom was trying to embarrass me to her. I didn¡¯t even go with¡ª¡± ¡°I heard the real story from Tabitha, already,¡± Elena interrupted impatiently. ¡°But, you need to fix this. Whoever¡¯s been spreading all the dumb rumors about her all this time has to be someone close to you. Like, one of the sophomores.¡± ¡°Hey,¡± Matthew protested. ¡°I don¡¯t think it means¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re making things awkward for Tabitha,¡± Elena talked over him, giving him a disappointed look along with an ultimatum. ¡°Either figure out who the problem is, or just don¡¯t ever bring up Tabitha at all. ¡®Kay? Thanks.¡± She brushed past him without giving him a chance to speak, storming away in apparent anger. Several surprised students turned heads in the hallway at the dramatic departure, watching the long-legged freshman girl who dared to chew out Matthew Williams. Adopting the overprotective friend approach and keeping him on the back foot, however, made everything a breeze! Elena thought to herself in satisfaction. The best-looking sophomore guy was intimidating to talk to, even for a girl of her caliber. Now their encounter would be memorable, it¡¯d make him subconsciously want to appease her, and even more importantly, establish her in his mind as someone who was loyal to a fault. Her mother had been eager to reminisce about her own high school days over a few glasses of wine this past weekend, so she couldn¡¯t take full credit for the idea, of course. Even just a few months ago, those old stories had bored Elena to death¡ªnow, though, she was fully realizing just how incredible her mom¡¯s insight and social savvy really was. Elena¡¯s anger wasn¡¯t exactly a total charade, either¡ªit was more obvious now than ever that the talk flying around about Tabitha was intentionally fabricated, and Matthew was going to help her get to the bottom of it. Someone¡ªElena was now confident it was one of the sophomores¡ªwas hurrying to smear Tabitha¡¯s name in light of the all the new buzz about her from that photo making front page. Springton Teen Saves Life of Police Officer. Almost everyone was talking about it now, with several teachers even proudly showing off the paper to their classes. That someone, whoever they were, felt forced to try and suppress the rise of Tabitha¡¯s reputation with manufactured drama. The difference is that now I¡¯M in Tabby¡¯s corner¡ªand I¡¯m not gonna just smile and turn the other cheek. Tabitha, Alicia and I? We¡¯re the real deal, Elena decided, stalking through the bustling school corridor with a predatory glint in her eyes. Whoever you are, all you have is talk... and eventually, all those loose lips are gonna lead us right to you. You REALLY don¡¯t know who you¡¯re fucking with. 18: Catching an unexpected break. Don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever actually feel compelled to act in anything, Tabitha mused to herself, idly glancing around at the throngs of scattered students boarding their buses. But, the things Mom wants to teach me will still be helpful writing-wise. Simply WRITING a character doesn¡¯t quite measure up to actually trying to BECOME one. Actually putting yourself in their shoes and trying to adopt their mannerisms and everything gives you a perspective that¡¯s so much¡­ DEEPER. The school day was over, and Tabitha was standing at the curb along the edge of the bus loop among the small crowd of those still waiting for their bus to arrive. Hers was bus fifteen, and it usually arrived a few minutes late. The dismissal times of Springton Middle and Springton High were staggered an hour apart because they shared school buses, and her bus made a more meandering trip through the district than most. Bus fifteen would make a dozen stops along the suburbs at the far edge of town before swinging back through Springton¡¯s main drag towards her trailer park, seemingly almost as an afterthought. Tabitha had taken up an interest in people-watching after the abrupt acting lesson her mother had foisted on her yesterday. High school teenagers yelling, chatting, and hurrying amid the row of parked buses had a certain energy to them she found fascinating. As a writer, she could simply sum up the general atmosphere with a few words, perhaps describing an air of excitement and relief at the drudgery of the school day finally concluding¡ªbut how would she express that as an actress? It felt like there were discernible differences in the way everyone carried themselves, but it was difficult to pinpoint what exactly they were. They¡¯re a bit more lively, for sure, Tabitha thought, watching people pass by. Their gait is a little different, too. They walk a little bit more quickly, more freely after final bell. But, there¡¯s also this tinge of IMPATIENCE to it, too, like they don¡¯t want to waste another single second¡ª With an abrupt and forceful shove, the world around Tabitha whirled as she was thrown forward off of the curb and onto the pavement. There was no time at all to think¡ªshe twisted in the air, right arm flailing out on instinct in an impossible attempt to reorient her balance as she fell. For a numb instant she observed her left hand flash out in pure reaction to keep her face from smashing into the pavement, and then she landed heavily. Painfully. What¡ªThe graceless fall hurt in a way that shook her bones and completely knocked the breath out of her, and it took a second to collect her thoughts and begin picking herself back up. The curb she¡¯d been poised on was only six inches tall, but the push¡ª Somebody pushed me! ¡ªThe push had sent her sprawling forward so quickly that she¡¯d gone more than horizontal, hit the ground at an angle. Landed on just her chin, her shoulder, and her left hand, her left hand that was in raw agony from the way it¡¯d twisted beneath her¡ª Fuck it hurts¡ªFUCK. Not good. Not good. ¡°Oh my God¡ªare you okay?!¡± The girl who¡¯d been standing nearest scrambled down beside her in a crouch. ¡°Hey, that guy just¡ªHEY! STOP! STOP THAT DUDE! THAT GUY JUST PUSHED HER!¡± No no no, this can¡¯t be happening, Tabitha¡¯s eyes filled with tears at the sheer blinding pain, working her way up to sit with her knee beneath her while doubled over and clutching her left hand tightly in against herself. I¡ªI¡¯ve never broken a bone in my life, never. This¡ªwhy would anyone¡ª? ¡°Hey, are you alright?¡± A teenage guy was trying to steady her. Despite herself, all she could manage out in reply was a choked sob. It hurt, it hurt so much. She didn¡¯t want to cry right now, couldn¡¯t cry right here, in front of everyone, but the humiliating tears just kept on coming regardless. The group of people she¡¯d been standing in devolved into further chaos, people were running past them now¡ª after somebody?¡ªand highschoolers were actually disembarking back off of the buses they¡¯d gotten on to see what all the commotion was about. If-if I¡¯d just had, like, ONE SECOND to¡ªto prepare myself, I could¡¯ve just made that into a handspring, Tabitha thought, furious and ashamed and struggling to awkwardly wipe her face with the inside of her right arm. But, there wasn¡¯t one second, it just¡ªit just happened, and I wasn¡¯t prepared or paying attention or¡­ or anything. Fuck, FUCK IT HURTS! ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°It¡¯s Tabitha Moore, some dude just came up and¡ª¡± ¡°Think she broke her wrist, she¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°That guy pushed her, just saw him make a break for¡ª¡± ¡°Who was it?¡± ¡°Oh shit they¡¯re fighting! Look, he¡ª¡± Everyone was talking, people were crouched beside her now, crowding all around her, and someone helped lift her up and back onto unsteady feet. People were still running past, and although she couldn¡¯t actually see what was going on over there, Tabitha had a sense that a fight had broken out wherever they¡¯d chased the pusher down to. Only, it hurt, and her throat kept constricting, seizing up in tiny sobs that she wasn¡¯t able to stifle. Everyone was looking at her, everyone was gathering, talking, staring, gawking at her predicament, and she¡¯d never felt so wretched. Why? Why would anyone¡ªis it just bullying, anymore, with this? This¡ªit hurts so much. What did I do to anyone?! ¡°Check on her,¡± She recognized the stern older voice of what was probably the school dean yell out. He didn¡¯t appear, so she assumed he was rushing over towards¡­ whatever was happening over there. ¡°Excuse me,¡± Another man¡ªa bus driver?¡ª pushed through the teens and carefully took her by the shoulder. ¡°Are you alright? Can you let me see it?¡± Trying to quickly blink the stinging tears out of her eyes so she could see, Tabitha slowly lifted the hand she¡¯d had cradled up against herself out so the man could see. It was trembling, she couldn¡¯t keep it from shaking until the bus driver cautiously took hold of her fingertips, and it looked wrong. The silhouette of her pale hand wasn¡¯t correct¡ªthere was a puffy wrong¡ªlooking area between her wrist and her pinky. It hurt. ¡°Ooooohh.¡± ¡°Oh damn.¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s broken.¡± ¡°Yikes.¡± ¡°Might be a break, might be a fracture,¡± the bus driver admitted. ¡°Are you hurt anywhere else? What¡¯s your name?¡± Tabitha shook her head from side to side, trying to clear her throat, trying to breath, but someone answered for her. ¡°She¡¯s Tabitha Moore,¡± one of the nearby guys supplied. It wasn¡¯t anyone she recognized from her classes, she didn¡¯t think, and it was a bit overwhelming right now that everyone in Springton High seemed familiar with who she was. All of the sudden sympathy and support might have felt really nice, if not for the circumstances that evoked it all. She¡¯d never been the object of so much attention all at once, not even on the first day of school, and the alarming abruptness of it all felt crushing, made her intensely vulnerable, like her troubles were exposed for everyone¡¯s interest and entertainment. My troubles¡­ Tabitha whimpered to cut off a wail before the rest of it could escape her lips, trying and failing to stiffen her face into a grimace rather than continue losing control and breaking down. Which she did. There was grit on her right palm from when she¡¯d first lifted herself up off the blacktop, so she attempted to hide her crying behind the back of her hand, covering herself with her forearm, smearing it with her unabated tears. It hurts so much! This¡ªthis isn¡¯t bullying like it was before. I was¡ªsomeone ATTACKED me. That¡¯s not okay. That¡¯s not okay. What did I even do? What did I even DO?! Why? I tried so hard, I tried to be so nice to everyone... She didn¡¯t realize she was being led forward until the dozens of gathered teens surrounding her fell away and were behind her as the bus driver led her back into the school towards the nurse¡¯s office.
¡°No, I¡¯m taking her to the fucking hospital now, and you all better have some goddamn answers for me when I get back,¡± Mr. Moore swore. ¡°Or you¡¯re all fucking through. You hear me?¡± There was an unbridled fury in her father¡¯s quiet voice that made Tabitha flinch in the plastic seat of the tiny waiting area within Springton High¡¯s nurse¡¯s office. Seeing him like this, witnessing something cruel in her typically plain, unassuming dad terrified her on a deep, subconscious level. It was as if these warnings he gave them were just a brief precursor to him actually erupting into violence, and the situation was growing more uncomfortable with each passing second. She was balancing a large bag of ice atop the hand in her lap, and the intense pain had been subdued to a dulled, aching throb in time with her pulse. The biting cold was spreading up her entire arm, though, and she couldn¡¯t help but shiver, gritting her teeth in irritation at how unpleasant it all was. The initial shock and trauma of the incident had already given way to anger and annoyance, her mood plummeting to rock bottom and then settling in there for a long stay. The tumult of emotions took an enormous, exhausting toll on her, and she just wanted to sit and blankly stare off into the distance by herself for a long time. ¡°C¡¯mon Sweetie, we¡¯re going,¡± Mr. Moore said in a soft tone, helping her up out of her seat with exaggerated care as though she were made out of glass. ¡°Up up up, easy does it.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha murmured, letting him guide her out the door. ¡°Sorry for all this.¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t your fault, Sweetie,¡± her father promised. ¡°But, it sure as hell is someone¡¯s fault, and we¡¯re gonna get to the bottom of it once and for all. This isn¡¯t going to happen ever again, okay?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± She nodded, deciding not to display her doubt and bewilderment. Maybe. It shouldn¡¯t have happened in the first place. I don¡¯t even understand why it would ever happen to me. His familiar truck was parked right in the staff parking area just outside the school offices, a strange juxtaposition to the eerie sight of the now empty and quiet school grounds. Mr. Moore brushed aside polite and helpful and unabashedly went full overprotective father on her, not only opening her door for her, but actually lifting her up into the passenger seat of the cab and buckling her in. The sentiment was embarrassing, but also¡­ nice, in a way. A tiny island of contentment in her sea of distraught anxiety. This broken¡­ hand? Wrist, maybe? Is going to affect everything I do, Tabitha accepted with a sullen sigh. Guess I¡¯ll probably need a cast? For¡­ what, months and months? How am I going to even¡­? Mr. Moore started the vehicle, pulled out of the parking lot, and they rumbled their way through town in tense silence. Tabitha felt like she needed to think, needed to plan, or figure out solutions, or something, but every shake and bounce of the bumps on the road sent distracting pangs up the length of her left arm even despite the bag of ice she was smothering the contusion with. ¡°This¡¯s twice in a row now, Tabitha,¡± her father remarked. ¡°In just a couple months. You gettin¡¯ pushed and hurt, me gettin¡¯ the call. I don¡¯t like it, s¡¯giving me gray hairs. I know you¡¯ve been keepin¡¯ things to yourself, but¡­ Honey, I don¡¯t like it. Not one bit. You just say the word and we¡¯ll transfer you to Fairfield. These girls can¡¯t keep treatin¡¯ you like this, it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s inhuman.¡± Wait¡­ what? ¡°I think it was a boy,¡± Tabitha said. Something about what he¡¯d just said still felt off to her, though. ¡°They said it was a boy who pushed me.¡± Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll just bet it was,¡± Mr. Moore grunted, scowling. ¡°What grade¡¯s that Taylor girl in, by now? Tenth? Eleventh?¡± ¡°That¡­ who?¡± Tabitha turned to give her dad a puzzled look. ¡°What?¡± ¡°That Taylor girl, the oldest one,¡± Mr. Moore continued. ¡°Whichever one of them that pushed you off of that trampoline. Courtney? Brittney?¡± ¡°Pushed me off of the trampoline?¡± Tabitha dumbly repeated. What? ¡°I thought I... fell?¡± ¡°Yeah, you fell, okay,¡± her father sounded genuinely irritated, now. ¡°Only promised not to say anythin¡¯ on it ¡®cause you were bawling your eyes out, but Tabitha¡­ enough is enough. You gettin¡¯ hurt like this again, the bullying, whatever¡¯s going on¡ªthis wasn¡¯t supposed to happen again. What on God¡¯s green earth am I supposed to tell your mother, now?¡± ¡°I¡­ forgot,¡± Tabitha realized, a sinking sense of dread pervading throughout her as something important, some missing piece she¡¯d been intentionally overlooking for all too long finally fell back into place. ¡°I... didn¡¯t fall off the trampoline? Someone¡ªthey, they pushed me.¡± No, I didn¡¯t forget! Tabitha¡¯s breath hitched, and her heart was racing now. It wasn¡¯t amnesia, either, or the concussion. I just¡­ walled it all off, buried it, repressed it, all of it. I came back to life as a thirteen year old, but I never manage to put an exact face to the girls who pushed me around and called me a goblin? How do I not realize that? How does a big fucking missing gap in my memory like that not stand out, until now? I fell off a FRIEND¡¯S trampoline? Friends, what fucking friends?! Why did I never think to look into them? Tabitha felt her stomach lurch, and she struggled to keep from vomiting right there onto the dashboard. The three Taylor girls. The youngest one¡ªAshley? Ashleigh? Something like Ashley, but spelled a weird way?¡ªwas nice, but the older two¡­ were fucking terrible, to both of us. They hit us, hurt us, ABUSED us. Fuck, FUCK. One of them¡¯s been here with me in high school all this time¡ªthey both fucking HATED me. It¡¯s either Erica or Brittney Taylor. And, Ashley¡ª ¡°I forgot about Ashley,¡± Tabitha blurted out, her eyes watering all over again at the magnitude of her mistake. ¡°I forgot all about. Ashley.¡± ¡°You what?¡± Her father asked, concern evident in his voice. ¡°Ashlee Taylor?¡± Oh my God. I forgot all about Ashlee¡ªshe¡¯s been dealing with them, with this all alone. I never went back. Never went back after the trampoline thing the first time through, I was too scared to go back. Then, I just¡­ what, fucking REFUSED TO REMEMBER? To ever think about it? Is that even possible? That poor girl, she must¡¯ve thought I¡ªno, I DID abandon her. Didn¡¯t I? What the FUCK have I done?! ¡°They made me promise not to say anything,¡± Tabitha stammered out, tears running freely down her face again. ¡°So¡ªso they wouldn¡¯t get into real trouble. Said they¡¯d hurt Ashlee if I told anyone they pushed me.¡± ¡°They what?¡± Mr. Moore barked. ¡°But, I told you anyways, made you promise,¡± Tabitha finally remembered, feeling her heart sink and sink until it felt like it¡¯d dropped right out of her. ¡°I just, I didn¡¯t tell you about Ashlee. I was scared. I¡ªI was her friend, and then I just fucking forgot all about her.¡±
¡°Great to see you again, Miss Tabby,¡± Officer Williams took off his reflective sunglasses and put on a friendly smile, trying not to intimidate the girl. ¡°You sure look a hell of a lot calmer than I¡¯d be, in your shoes.¡± That scrawny redheaded girl looked even smaller than he¡¯d remembered, sitting now up on the paper sheet of the hospital examining table like this. Though her eyes were puffy, likely from crying earlier, she was seated upright with proper posture like a young lady. There was a certain stillness to her, a sense of presence that didn¡¯t seem to fit her age at all. She didn¡¯t seem like a teenage girl overwrought with emotion and struggling with pain¡ªthere was just a wistful, sad sense of resignment as she sat there clutching carefully at her new cast. ¡°It¡¯s the codeine, I¡¯m afraid,¡± Tabitha said with a weak smile. ¡°I¡¯m actually... quite ill at ease.¡± Quite ill at ease, huh? Officer Williams paused, giving her a second look. The girl¡¯s demeanor had startled him back then when they¡¯d been together trying to stop his idiot buddy Darren from bleeding out. A couple busy weeks had dulled the impression, making him wonder if he¡¯d been overstating things simply due to the nature of the situation and circumstances¡­ but no, this girl was definitely different. He dealt with Springton¡¯s youths all the time, hell, he had his own kid about this same age whom he considered pretty sharp¡ªbut no, none of them were quite like this. ¡°Mr. Moore, good to see you again,¡± Officer Williams stepped over to shake the man¡¯s hand and gave him a perfunctory nod. ¡°Yeah,¡± Mr. Moore grunted. ¡°Let¡¯s have a looksie, how bad is it?¡± Officer Williams asked, gesturing towards her brand new cast. ¡°...Three to five months bad,¡± Tabitha said in a small voice, lifting the hand for his inspection. The outer shell of the orthopedic cast was a ridged and rigid light shade of blue fiberglass, with softer white bandaging beneath visible at the edges. The big, clunky shape of it all but buried all of the fingers on her left hand, leaving only her thumb somewhat free to wiggle. Although he¡¯d already learned she¡¯d hurt her hand taking that fall, the cast was larger than he¡¯d expected, continuing on down to just a few inches shy of her pale elbow. ¡°The fifth metacarpal is broken, and then my wrist is fractured¡ªa Colles fracture,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I¡¯m told it was a terribly unlucky fall... and also, that I¡¯m not been getting enough calcium in my diet.¡± He almost made a careless comment about how she needed to drink her milk every day, but tactfully managed to stop himself. They lived in that lower park area, this was a pretty poor family¡ªmaybe they didn¡¯t go out of their way to buy milk, maybe they drank water for breakfast. Who knew where they had to cut corners to save money? Their income and dietary practices really weren¡¯t anything it was appropriate for him to say things about. ¡°Uh-huh. Well¡ªjust wanted to get down a few things ¡®bout what happened real quick, then I¡¯ll get out of your hair,¡± Officer Williams finally said, letting her lower her broken hand back into her lap again. ¡°Miss Tabby, the one who pushed you was a kid by the name of Chris Thompson¡ªare you familiar with this boy?¡± ¡°No, not at all,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t even see what he looks like.¡± ¡°...Huh. Well, that takes care of my next question too, then,¡± Officer Williams chuckled, clicking his pen out and jotting down no relationship at all? into the spiral notebook he¡¯d brought in with him. ¡°Now, I¡¯m to understand all this has somethin¡¯ or other to do with my son Matthew, and some sorta misunderstandings that might¡¯ve been goin¡¯ around the school this week?¡± ¡°Yes and no,¡± Tabitha frowned, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before she began elaborating. ¡°There was a rumor. Supposedly, your son Matthew grew enamored of me when driving me to Louisville this past weekend and asked me out, kissed me, or some other such variation¡ªwhich we know is false on all counts, as he wasn¡¯t present there with us on that trip.¡± ¡°Right,¡± Officer Williams nodded. That was actually the main reason he was here in the first place¡ªwhen he¡¯d offhandedly asked his son if he knew anything about the situation, Matthew had said Dad¡­ this might actually be my fault somehow, people taking what I said the wrong way or something somehow. ¡°However,¡± Tabitha continued. ¡°I¡¯m of the opinion that there was never any credence to the rumor at all; that it was simply another useful misunderstanding being leveraged by third parties as part of the ongoing harassment targeting me.¡± ¡°...Say what, now?¡± Officer Williams laughed, looking from her to her father and back again. Our legal guy can¡¯t even rattle off stuff like that without reading it off of his paper, He thought, feeling that sense of discongruity grow even further. The hell¡¯s this girl doing growing up in a trailer park? After a few beers those two weeks ago, he¡¯d remarked to his wife that a shithole mobile home park like Sunset Estates was no goddamn place for a cop like Darren Macintire to die¡ªthis little girl was living there in that shitty place. Even more recently, his wife had gone on and on about how intelligent the girl was, and apparently she was great with Hannah, too. I offered to grab some quick McDonald¡¯s for everybody, his wife had sighed into her pillow. Tabitha all politely asks for just A SALAD, and she digs out this crumpled old five-dollar bill for me. Like it was only natural, like of course she¡¯d pay for her own meal¡ªmy heart just broke this little bit. You know Hannah¡ªshe wasn¡¯t shy at all, went on about getting her Happy Meal toys. That¡¯s how children should be, not¡­ oh, Honey, I don¡¯t know. Burdened with so many worries, it¡¯s like, whatever it is growing up in a place like that¡ªshe carries herself differently, and it¡¯s just fascinating and heartbreaking to see. ¡°So,¡± Officer Williams cleared his throat, ¡°You think that¡¯s what this is about? You¡¯ve been being bullied?¡± ¡°All my life, yes,¡± Tabitha gave him a dry smile. ¡°The school board had to launch an investigation because people were spreading the rumor that I was... engaging in inappropriate activity with a teacher. I was actually hospitalized just a few months earlier, under similar circumstances to these today.¡± That got his attention in a big way. ¡°Hospitalized?¡± He quickly started scrawling out quick notes on a new line¡ªthat student/teacher misconduct thing would have to be looked into, as well. ¡°Can you tell me what happened there?¡± ¡°I was pushed, off of a trampoline,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°By one of the older sisters of a¡­ friend of mine.¡± ¡°Hairline fracture on her skull,¡± Mr. Moore spoke up, sounding just as angry as he looked. ¡°She got her X-rays here, then they sent her upstate to Emsie Saint Juarez children¡¯s hospital for an MRI.¡± ¡°Yeah, trampolines are dangerous, someone¡¯s always gettin¡¯ hurt,¡± Officer Williams remarked. ¡°Sure it wasn¡¯t just an accident?¡± ¡°Just as much of an accident as today¡¯s incident was,¡± Tabitha said, looking a little amused. ¡°I was threatened¡ªtold that if I spoke up about them pushing me, they¡¯d hurt my friend Ashlee. One or possibly both of those older sisters currently attends Springton High, though I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve run afoul of either of them since.¡± ¡°You think they¡¯re related to this time?¡± Officer Williams asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Maybe? I don¡¯t mean to implicate them in this affair today without cause... but, I really don¡¯t have any other conjecture at all on why anyone would attack me. I keep to myself, and seldom interact with any of my peers. I have two friends, and¡­ that¡¯s it.¡± ¡°Well, somethin¡¯ to look into, in any case,¡± Officer Williams said with a thoughtful frown. ¡°So, I¡¯m to assume you¡¯ve been speaking out about this, that this whole situation is possibly just some escalating drama that got out of hand?¡± ¡°No, not at all,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I¡¯ve kept my mouth shut¡ªI haven¡¯t said a word. In my experience, you never feed the trolls. The conventional wisdom is that they¡¯re deliberately attempting to provoke an upset or angry response out of me¡ªwhy should I give them what they want? In time, they¡¯ll eventually lose interest and move on to attack someone else.¡± ¡°Hah, never feed the trolls, huh?¡± Officer Williams chuckled. ¡°Don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever heard it put that way. I¡¯ve heard somethin¡¯ like playing dead during bear attacks and whatnot, but hell¡ªteenage girls¡¯re way meaner than any bear.¡± ¡°Trolls or bears is damn right,¡± Mr. Moore grunted. ¡°It¡¯s inhuman, the way these kids¡¯ve treated her.¡± ¡°But¡ªif you¡¯d spoken up, defended yourself, said¡ªno, hey, that¡¯s not how it happened, it mighta defused the whole story,¡± Officer Williams pointed out. ¡°Put all those rumors to rest.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think you really believe that,¡± Tabitha replied with a bitter smile. ¡°None of the talk is ever about what really happened. It¡¯s senseless mud-flinging¡ªthey¡¯ll throw whatever they can get their hands on in hopes that something will stick. I refuse to play into their game, and there¡¯s no point dirtying my hands just giving them ammunition to use against me.¡± ¡°What you¡¯re doing is very mature, Sweetie,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°Makes me damned proud of you, that you don¡¯t stoop to their level.¡± ¡°When you put it like that, it¡¯s hard to see how things went this far,¡± Officer Williams remarked, rubbing his jawline in contemplation. ¡°They don¡¯t seem to have, as you say, lost interest and moved on to someone else, and this is headin¡¯ in the direction of an actual criminal case if we don¡¯t do something. ¡°If there¡¯s no connection between you and this Chris Thompson boy, then somebody sure as hell put him up to it, or said somethin¡¯. You think it was these girls that pushed you before?¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s possible,¡± Tabitha shrugged, carefully cradling her cast. ¡°Like I said, I really do keep to myself. I don¡¯t know any of those girls, and I can¡¯t think of who else it might be.¡± ¡°Worth looking into, for sure,¡± Officer Williams said. ¡°Could I have their names?¡±
¡°Brittney and Erica Taylor,¡± Carrie revealed, her voice tinny-sounding and distant through the phone Elena had pinned between her cheek and her shoulder. ¡°They absolutely hate her the most, anyways. Tabitha used to go over to their house to play with their l¡¯il sister Ashlee, and I guess stuff kept coming up missing, you know what I mean?¡± ¡°They¡¯re sisters?¡± Elena asked, furiously writing down the two names as quickly as she could. ¡°Both sophomores?¡± ¡°Erica is, Brittney¡¯s a senior,¡± Carrie said. ¡°But, did you hear what I just said? You sure you wanna hang with a girl like Tubby Tabby? Do you even remember her from back in Laurel? You know she¡¯s from that nasty trailer park, right?¡± ¡°She¡¯s, really, completely, totally not whoever she used to be,¡± Elena said with conviction, trying hard not to carry even a hint of anger in her tone. ¡°Like, at all. I mean¡ªCarrie c¡¯mon, you¡¯ve seen her.¡± Calling up Carrie for answers had been extremely hard for her, yet surprisingly, her former friend wasn¡¯t being all that antagonistic. It was somehow still so easy to talk to Carrie, but at the same time this estrangement was now there, and Elena wasn¡¯t sure which hurt more¡ªthe realization that Carrie had changed so much, or the thought that actually, Carrie hadn¡¯t really changed much at all. ¡°Well, it¡¯s gonna be this whole stupid big thing now!¡± Carrie sighed. ¡°I¡¯d keep my distance, ¡®Lena, I¡¯m so serious.¡± ¡°Why? Elena asked slowly, struggling to not immediately leap into the same active defense she¡¯d become so practiced it over the past two days. ¡°Because of Matthew Williams, or just because of some newspaper article?¡± ¡°Matthew Williams? Newspaper article?¡± Carrie sounded bewildered. ¡°Elena¡ªwere you on one of the buses that was already gone? Chris Thompson¡¯s probably gonna get suspended ¡®cause of her. Like, I¡¯ve already heard talk like they¡¯re not gonna let him play anymore¡ªso, yeah um, our whole football team¡¯s basically fucked, now.¡± ¡°¡ªWhat?¡± Elena abruptly sat up on her bed. ¡°Fuck our football team, Carrie! Chris Thompson, the varsity running back? What happened, what the hell did he say to her?¡± ¡°Say to her?¡± Carrie paused. ¡°Wow. You really don¡¯t even know? Elena¡ªplease please please, quit hanging around with those trailer trash girls and stick with Monica and me and the rest of us from now on? Tabitha¡¯s seriously bad news, they¡¯re both such bad news. Did you know that black girl friend of hers is the one who made up that photo and sent it in? I heard that¡ª¡± ¡°Carrie, what happened?¡± 19: Friends, foes, and fighter jets. Tabitha lay on the neatly-made bed within her tiny, orderly room and stared blankly up at the ceiling, her healthy tangle of reddish-orange hair strewn across her pillow. She was feeling light-headed from skipping dinner, her hand ached in a dull way, and the codeine tablet she¡¯d taken for the pain made her brain feel fuzzy. More than anything else, though, she felt thoroughly lost, despondent and directionless. Ashlee Taylor. Try as she might, she couldn¡¯t conjure a face to associate with that name¡ªhonestly, she wouldn¡¯t have remembered the name at all if not for her father reminding her. The girl had been an early childhood friend, and little more than a vague impression of her remained after forty-some years. I think she must have been from¡­ fifth or sixth grade? The incident with the trampoline happened more than four decades ago¡ªbut, she wasn¡¯t so sure she could chalk up her lapse in memory entirely to the passage of time. More likely, I just didn¡¯t want to think about it, Tabitha thought, lifting her new cast up into the air and straightening her arm, trying to find a balance point where it took as little effort as possible to maintain it up. The thing was awkward and heavy, but keeping it elevated seemed to lessen the throbbing sensation. For the past few hours, it felt like her hand and wrist were so swollen up they were straining against the confines of the cast. I was ashamed, so I tried to never think about it, Tabitha listlessly stared at the cast. Eventually, over the years, I ACTUALLY started to forget, started to lose the finer details of it. But, deep down, I knew. I kept quiet when a friend was being abused, because I was scared for myself¡ªand no matter how much I put it out of my mind, it was always there, deep down there inside of me. Shaping my life. As a writer, she couldn¡¯t be any more familiar with character flaws¡ªbut, applying that familiarity to herself as a person? That was the work of a counselor, a therapist, maybe a psychologist. She knew by now that throughout life, people would do anything and everything to overlook their own personal shortcomings. It was easier to justify themselves as the victim, or project their flaws onto others, to stonewall themselves into denial, or make any number of excuses. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Moore¡¯s voice called softly through the door. ¡°One of your friends is on the phone for you¡ªan Elena? Are you okay to talk right now?¡± ¡°Yes, Mother,¡± Tabitha gingerly lowered her arm and twisted to sit up with her feet over the side of her bed. ¡°Thank you, I¡¯ll speak with her now.¡± The door opened, and her mother stepped inside with the phone. The heavyset woman was wearing a sad, almost timid expression as she offered the cordless handset to her daughter. It seemed like she couldn¡¯t help but send glances towards Tabitha¡¯s light blue cast, and Tabitha felt an inexplicable urge to hide it, or cover it up somehow. ¡°You¡¯re... talking like that again,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°Yes. I know,¡± Tabitha squeezed her eyes shut in a grimace of frustration and took a deep breath. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. It just¡ªit helps, it keeps everything at some distance. I know it¡¯s stupid, but I don¡¯t want to be real right now. I don¡¯t have the energy, I-I just¡ªI¡¯m just not up for it.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded. ¡°Here for you, if you ever want to talk. About anything.¡± ¡°Thanks, Mom.¡± Tabitha watched her mother carefully close the bedroom door, and then slowly hunched forward with her elbows on her knees, cradling the phone against her ear. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Hi, Tabitha? It¡¯s Elena,¡± Her friend said. ¡°Sorry, I found your number in the phone book. Just found out about what happened from Carrie earlier¡ªare you okay? What really happened?¡± I¡¯m fine, Tabitha almost said, but her throat seized up again and her eyes watered. She wasn¡¯t exactly sure why her first instinct was to lie, or why she¡¯d wanted to hide the cast from her mother¡¯s sight. After all, the vulnerability she was feeling right now didn¡¯t have much at all to do with her injury. ¡°I am,¡± Tabitha let out an unsteady breath, ¡°not okay. At all. But, I¡¯m trying. I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m going to figure this out.¡± ¡°Tabitha, I-I think it might be my fault,¡± Elena blurted out. ¡°Like, this was pushback. Yesterday and today I got into it with a few people¡ªeveryone was talking bad about you, and like, all of it was just¡ªthis completely fabricated bullshit. I got in a few arguments, I defended you, but. I didn¡¯t think they¡¯d ever go this far! Tabitha, I¡¯m so sorry! Everything that¡¯s going on, what they¡¯re doing, it¡¯s all just so totally, completely out of line!¡± ¡°Nothing was your fault,¡± Tabitha felt herself smile. Elena spoke up for me? That feels¡­ weird and surreal and kind of amazing. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever had a girl like her on my side. ¡°Do you even know Chris Thompson at all?¡± Elena asked. ¡°I¡¯d never even heard of him before today,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I didn¡¯t even see him. It was all too sudden.¡± ¡°Okay. So, he¡¯s Springton¡¯s star running back, sorta,¡± Elena elaborated. ¡°How much do you know about football?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I only watch the Superbowl for the commercials.¡± ¡°I guess you don¡¯t really need to know anything, anyways,¡± Elena said. ¡°He¡¯s a total scumbag. Mom says if you decide to press charges, you can absolutely destroy his chance of getting a football scholarship.¡± ¡°I¡­¡± Tabitha paused to settle her thoughts. There was an immediate vindictive pang, but she needed her cooler head to prevail. ¡°I don¡¯t know how I feel yet. Or what my parents will do. I think that¡­ I just want to speak with him. To understand, to find out why.¡± ¡°Well, I think I¡¯ve found out who¡¯s behind all the rumors going around school, at least,¡± Elena said. ¡°Brittney and Erica Taylor?¡± Tabitha guessed, her shoulders slumping. I¡¯m going to have to figure out how to deal with them. ¡°Yeah¡ª¡± Elena sounded surprised, ¡°how¡¯d you know? You know them?¡± ¡°Do you remember back in Laurel, right before the end of the year?¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°The concussion I had? That was them¡ªone of them pushed me, I¡¯m not sure which of them it was. Cracked skull and a serious concussion.¡± ¡°No fucking way!¡± Elena hissed, and then her voice grew faint as though she¡¯d turned away from her phone¡¯s receiver. ¡°No, I won¡¯t watch my language, Mom! Tabitha says those same two girls were the ones who put her in the hospital back in middle school! Yeah, the Taylor girls.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Elena¡¯s voice returned to full volume. ¡°Tabitha, are you okay? How bad is it?¡± ¡°Three to five months bad, I was told,¡± Tabitha said, slouching even lower, until she was almost hugging her knees. ¡°I¡¯m. Um, it¡¯s dumb, but I¡¯m... kind of scared to eat. I don¡¯t think I can cook normally, or run, or do my exercises or¡­ really any major activities, for a while. Even with the painkillers. I don¡¯t ever want to go back to being the way I was.¡± ¡°We¡¯re going to figure everything out,¡± Elena promised. ¡°One second.¡± We are? Tabitha wondered. A moment later, however, she could overhear Elena repeating the words three to five months and then beginning to paraphrase some of what had been said, presumably for Mrs. Seelbaugh. There was something incredibly heartwarming about how her friend was treating her problems as her own, and the way she jumped in without a second thought to tackle them immediately.
¡°How is she?¡± Mrs. Williams demanded, crossing their living room with an angry stride. Shortly after parking his cruiser and coming in the front door, Officer Williams found himself besieged right away by a particularly vengeful-looking housewife, and he couldn¡¯t help but let out a long, slow breath. Day¡¯s taxing enough when I¡¯m ON the clock¡­ ¡°She¡¯ll be fine,¡± Officer Williams tried to reassure her. ¡°She¡¯ll just have a cast for a couple months.¡± She shadowed him as he stepped through their tastefully furnished foyer and into the comfort of the living room. The interior of their suburban home was a warzone of bitter conflicts and grudging compromises when it came to their tastes¡ªhe favored comfort and luxury, while she was adamantly fixated on a certain rustic vintage aesthetic. He was responsible for their overstuffed recliner and couch set, as well as their enormous rear-projection TV. She¡¯d absolutely covered the walls in decorative antiques of all kinds, and replaced the rest of their furniture with what he jokingly considered museum pieces, because they were strictly for looking¡ªnot for touching. ¡°Well?¡± Karen Williams still looked absolutely livid. Officer Williams saw his son Matthew awkwardly seated on one end of the sofa, but the kid definitely wasn¡¯t just relaxing after school¡ªby all accounts it looked like he was in the hot seat, like his wife had continued grilling the poor boy ever since he got home from school. ¡°She¡¯s a tough cookie,¡± He grunted. ¡°Broke a bone in her hand, fractured her wrist, and she was still completely calm and able to explain what all she thinks happened.¡± ¡°She broke her hand,¡± His wife repeated, gritting her teeth at hearing the extent of the girl¡¯s injuries. ¡°And fractured her wrist?¡± His wife usually had this natural jovial disposition to her that put everyone around her at ease¡ªbut when something rubbed her the wrong way, this woman¡¯s temper was fierce in a way that made even him want to flinch back away from her. ¡°Who broke whose hand?¡± Hannah asked, peeking around the corner of the hallway while clad in her Rugrats pajamas. ¡°Hannah honey, get back to bed right now,¡± Mrs. Williams told her in a stern voice. ¡°Mama Williams is cross right now, and I don¡¯t want you to see me when I¡¯m cross. Skedaddle, I¡¯ll send Matthew to tuck you back in in a minute.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah blinked at them. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Williams continued only after making sure that their ward had scampered back down the hall towards the guest room. ¡°What did Tabitha say?¡± ¡°She said she was¡­ what, somethin¡¯ like the whole thing was... making her not at ease? Uneasy?¡± Officer Williams recalled. Damn, I should¡¯ve written all of it down, I guess. ¡°Uneasy?¡± Mrs. Williams glared. ¡°What does that mean?¡± ¡°Something like this happened earlier in the year, so she thinks the same girls might be behind it,¡± Officer Williams admitted, gesturing with the spiral notebook. ¡°I¡¯ve got all the details down.¡± ¡°This has happened before? Give me that,¡± She snatched the notebook out of his hands and turned a chilly look over towards her son. ¡°Girls, what girls?¡± ¡°Well, the thing is¡ªTabitha said she¡¯d never even met this boy who pushed her,¡± Officer Williams explained. ¡°What girls are we talking about?¡± Karen asked, giving his scrawled notes a dour look. ¡°What¡¯s this about student-teacher misconduct?¡± ¡°She claims someone at school was spreading rumors that she was involved with one of the teachers.¡± ¡°That¡¯s true,¡± Matthew dared to speak up. ¡°About that rumor spreading, I mean¡ªshe didn¡¯t actually do anything. Everyone was saying she was fooling around with Mr. Simmons and getting her grades adjusted, the deans had to look into it.¡± ¡°What a horrible thing to say,¡± Mrs. Williams scowled, reading on. ¡°Can¡¯t you write notes in complete sentences? Who¡¯re Erica and Brittney Taylor? Are they the girls behind all of this?¡± ¡°Um. Erica Taylor¡¯s one of my friends,¡± Matthew said with a guilty look. ¡°She¡¯s coming to the Halloween party.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll see about that,¡± Karen Williams said in a cold voice, stabbing out a finger at her son. ¡°You are going to make sure nothing else happens to Tabitha from now on, buster. I don¡¯t care who¡¯s saying what, or how you got involved¡ªI want this gossip at school about Tabitha to stop. Now. Am I making myself understood? I¡¯m calling Mrs. Cribb from the school board about this tonight.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Matthew grimaced. ¡°I don¡¯t know how it started, but they¡¯ve also all been saying¡­ that Tabitha never actually helped save Mr. Macintire. That she just made everything up when the news van pulled in, so that she could steal all the credit.¡± ¡°Say what, now?¡± Officer Williams slowly turned to regard his son.
¡°Mornin,¡¯ Sweetie,¡± Mr. Moore said, looking out across the wide open space behind their trailer. ¡°Whatcha up to out here so early?¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to try to put together an F-22,¡± Tabitha said with determination, wiping machine oil from her hands onto her skirt as she surveyed their junkyard. Piles of military surplus aviation components were heaped everywhere, and she had an incomplete fighter jet chassis propped up on cinderblocks that was going to need a lot of work. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°Based on the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor design. A fifth-generation twin-engine, all-weather stealth tactical fighter aircraft.¡± ¡°F-22, huh?¡± Her father chuckled. ¡°Another one of them future things? What¡¯re we gonna even do with one, once we¡¯ve got it?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not for us,¡± Tabitha frowned, looking across the yard in confusion for a moment. Wasn¡¯t something¡­ off? Something wasn¡¯t right, but she couldn¡¯t quite put her finger on what it might be. How long had she been stockpiling old jet parts to even fill the enormous area next to their makeshift machine shop? ¡°I¡¯m hoping if it goes well¡­ maybe we can get a government contract?¡± Tabitha said, narrowing her eyes at the mess everywhere. Must be nothing? ¡°Then, you won¡¯t have to worry about money anymore.¡± ¡°Well, try not to make too much noise,¡± Mr. Moore said, shaking his head. ¡°You know we¡¯re proud of you no matter what you do, Honey.¡± ¡°I think I might have to run the smelter later to try out a new batch of alloys, if that¡¯s okay?¡± Tabitha said, examining the F-22 schematics on her bracelet PC again. She didn¡¯t remember exactly why she¡¯d saved the documents in the future, but it was turning out to be lucky that she had. ¡°Gimme a holler when you¡¯re ready, and I¡¯ll come out and give ya a hand,¡± her Dad nodded. He still wasn¡¯t comfortable with her pouring out the superheated metals by herself yet, even though she was already almost fourteen. ¡°Oh! ¡®Fore I forget, you got a letter from Julia. Here you go, Hun.¡± ¡°Julie!¡± Tabitha exclaimed, perking up right away as she accepted the message and then opened it, greenish-blue hologram text projecting up into the air from her bracelet. I¡¯ve missed her! How did she even figure out where I am? WHEN I am? She beamed an excited smile as she saw the mail¡ªJulia had written her so much! Paragraph after dense paragraph floated up into the air like a Star Wars opening marquee, and the simple fact that she was hearing from her friend again filled her up with joy. Why had it even been so long since they were in touch? I can¡¯t¡­ quite read it, though? Tabitha¡¯s smile faltered as she squinted at the blocks of text. She wanted to know what Julia had to say right away, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn¡¯t actually focus in on the words¡ªall she was getting was some sort of gist of what Julia meant to say. Something about coming to visit her, here in 1998? So¡­ frustrating! It¡¯s all right THERE! I want to read exactly every little thing she says! ¡°Dad, I want to read it, but I can¡¯t,¡± Tabitha let out an exasperated sigh of confusion. ¡°Dad?¡± Mr. Moore was gone. ¡°Dad?¡± Tabitha left the scrapyard behind, trotting up the sun-bleached wooden steps of the back porch to look for him. ¡°Dad, I can¡¯t read it¡­¡± A growing sense of discontinuity was tugging at the back of her mind as she looked for her father¡ªbut it wasn¡¯t strong enough for her to realize that the back porch belonged to an apartment she¡¯d had when she was in her thirties. In the mobile home¡¯s living room, she found her mother¡¯s massive obese form seated in her typical spot on the sofa. She was gigantic and bloated, far too fat for her to stand under her own power, and her hair was faded and streaked through with gray. ¡°Mom?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Where¡¯s Dad?¡± ¡°Cancer,¡± Mrs. Moore scowled in annoyance at her. ¡°Cancer, Tabitha. He¡¯s gone. Weren¡¯t you supposed to fix that, this time through? What¡¯d you need ¡®im for, anyways?¡± ¡°Right,¡± Tabitha nodded slowly, remembering. ¡°Cancer¡ªthe brain tumor. Sorry. I-I didn¡¯t um, I didn¡¯t think it would even appear this early, though¡ªwhen did¡­?¡± ¡°Hah.¡± Mrs. Moore snorted. ¡°Well, make sure you get it taken care of next time, an¡¯ I don¡¯t care if you have to sit at the table the whole damned night to get it done, if that¡¯s what it takes. You hear me? I¡¯m not tellin¡¯ you again, Tabitha Anne Moore.¡± ¡°Yes, Momma,¡± Tabitha lowered her head. Simply saying the words made her feel ugly and fat and vulnerable, that small and helpless thirteen-year-old all over again. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ my friend Julie was gonna come visit. I, um, I wanted to go meet her, when she arrives?¡± ¡°Hmmph,¡± Mrs. Moore sneered. ¡°You¡¯re not goin¡¯ anywhere ¡®till you clean up that God-awful mess out there, or your father¡¯s gonna hear about it. Now go on, get.¡± ¡°Yes, Momma,¡± Tabitha turned to run back out the¡ªback out the what? Their trailer only had a front door, on the one side. They didn¡¯t have anything like a back porch. Embarrassed and confused, she ran out down the front steps and then made her way around to the back of the trailer. There was just grass and weeds, those few feet of patchy landscape between their tiny shed and the neighboring trailer behind them. I... guess that counts as cleaned up, then? Tabitha decided with one last guilty glance around, unable to place just what was wrong with the situation. Need to get to the hospital and make sure Julie comes through the MRI okay! It was a long drive over to Louisville, and Tabitha knew something was definitely not right. Thankfully, her battered old 2022 Honda Pilot was right where she¡¯d left it after her parents passed away, and someone or other had even refilled her tank. Streets and intersections passed by in a blur as she drove on and on what seemed to be forever and ever, and that pervasive wrong sense in the back of her mind had her gripping the steering wheel anxiously with her weathered old hands. In her mind, it became more and more important that she see Julia right away, no matter what, because something wasn¡¯t right. There was this feeling of foreboding that she¡¯d never get a chance to see her friend again if she didn¡¯t hurry. Tabitha didn¡¯t quite remember arriving or even parking, but at some point eventually she found herself within the University of Louisville Hospital complex, lost somehow in an endless jumble of mislabeled corridors and waiting areas and examination rooms. There wasn¡¯t any time to ask anyone for directions! When she finally, finally found the familiar room with that colossal MRI device¡­ it was too late. ¡°Look, the goblin¡¯s finally here!¡± Brittney and Erica Taylor, Elena Seelbaugh, and two of the other intimidating girls from middle school were standing around the room waiting for her, greeting her arrival with mocking smiles and laughter. When the examination table slid out of the MRI with a whirring noise... it was empty. ¡°Wh-where¡¯s Julia?¡± Tabitha stammered, feeling crushed. ¡°She¡¯s nowhere, now,¡± Brittney Taylor laughed. ¡°It¡¯s like, wow¡ªshe¡¯s even more stupid than you are. She wasn¡¯t even born yet in ninety-eight! Where was her mind gonna go when she doesn¡¯t even have a body yet here? Retard. That means she¡¯s just gone now, forever.¡± ¡°No¡ªshe can¡¯t be gone forever,¡± Tabitha sobbed, furiously shaking her head in denial and clutching at her clothes. ¡°Sh-she can¡¯t, she can¡¯t!¡± ¡°Uhh, well she¡¯s not here in the past, and now she¡¯s not in the future anymore?¡± Elena smirked at her. ¡°What¡¯d you even expect? She doesn¡¯t belong anywhere anyways¡ªduh, that¡¯s why she offed herself. You don¡¯t belong, either.¡± ¡°She can¡¯t be gone!¡± Tabitha repeated stupidly, feeling herself crumble and break down. ¡°Yeah, you shouldn¡¯t have come back in time,¡± Erica laughed. ¡°What, you think you¡¯re special? You didn¡¯t even remember which stocks to buy up! We¡¯ve only been back in time for a few days, and we already have like, six hundred and fifty thousand dollars in shares.¡± ¡°They¡¯re making me a White House advisor, at fourteen years old,¡± Elena proudly preened. ¡°¡®Cause I kept track of every little bit of corruption going on throughout the time period. I¡¯m like, a God to them.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve just been getting laid!¡± One of the other girls guffawed, cupping her own breasts with her hands and waggling them. ¡°Like, look at me¡ªI¡¯m a teenager again, what the hell else am I gonna do first?¡± ¡°What have you been doing, Tubby Tabby?¡± Brittney sneered. ¡°You haven¡¯t done jack shit. Uh, hello? It¡¯s fucking time travel. If you can¡¯t even accomplish anything, why the fuck are you even here?¡± ¡°Yeah, are you stupid?¡± Another girl chimed in. ¡°Lockheed Martin F-22s debuted in like, nineteen-ninety-four¡ªthey already have those, here. The design they don¡¯t have yet is the F-35 Panther mark II.¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m,¡± Tabitha cried out, blinking through her tears in disbelief at the empty examining table. The teenage girls surrounding her wore sadistic grins, leering smiles of anticipation, waiting for her to answer. What could she even say? One of them giggled, and Brittney snorted and shushed that girl, eyes flicking past Tabitha¡¯s shoulder for a brief instant. As if¡ª Tabitha flinched with her entire body as some hidden figure forcefully shoved her from behind, and then she was wide awake in the darkness of her bedroom with a sudden intake of breath. She trembled in place on her bed, pressing her face into the pillow to stifle an anguished wail. Her wrist had woken her up, rather than the nightmare¡ªsomewhere throughout the night, that first codeine tablet had worn off. She was in blinding, feverish agony. The details of the dream were already starting to evaporate as she clutched at her arm, trying to pin it in place so it wasn¡¯t jostled by her wracking sobs. I can¡¯t. I just can¡¯t. Can¡¯t deal with everything all at once like this. Julie. Dad. How can I even convince Dad to go in for expensive x-rays, when he won¡¯t even HAVE those headaches for years, yet?
Chris Thompson wore a slight grin as he followed after his father into Springton High¡¯s administrative office. A five-day suspension was supposed to be a punishment, but he couldn¡¯t help but feel pretty pleased with himself. It was hard not to feel smug¡ªhis ¡®youthful indiscretion,¡¯ as his father put it, meant he didn¡¯t actually have to sit through classes today. He now had the entire week before Halloween to relax and goof off, while all these other students loitering around the Quad area were stuck in their same daily routine. Don¡¯t even have anything to feel guilty about, Chris thought, running fingers through his closely-cropped hair. FUCK that Tabitha girl. He¡¯d felt pretty ambivalent about Tabitha, at first¡ªeven despite all the nasty rumors going around about her. So what if people said she was a bit of a slut? He didn¡¯t particularly mind easy girls, and she was pretty cute. In his mind, they¡¯d make a great couple¡ªshe was the attractive freshman everyone talked about, and he was the star running back. Tall, good-looking, and with that athletic, rangy stride of his that ate up yards on the football field like magic. Hey, you guys know that Tabby girl, right? He¡¯d asked some of the sophomore girls in his class yesterday. Yeah, One of them had scowled. What of her? Ask her what she thinks of me, Chris had proposed with a grin. I think we¡¯d make a good couple. Pfft, uhh yeah, Erica Taylor had laughed. Well, I think she definitely knows about you... She does? Chris had perked up at hearing that. Yeah¡ª Erica had leaned in to confide in a whisper, and it¡¯d been a struggle not to look down the girl¡¯s shirt. Didn¡¯t wanna say nothin¡¯ or make a big deal, but¡­ I heard her telling people she thinks you run like a total faggot. No she didn¡¯t, Chris had made a face of disbelief. It¡¯s true! Another girl had chimed in. I heard it, too. Can you believe that bitch? The fuck?! He had erupted. Who the fuck does she think she is, that she¡¯s gonna talk shit on me like that? Runs like a total faggot? God damn¡ªshe don¡¯t even fuckin¡¯ KNOW me! Completely blindsided, Chris found himself seeing red for the whole rest of that day. In fact, if Tabitha had been a freshman guy, he would¡¯ve immediately gone and beat the shit out of her, without any hesitation. The more he dwelled on it, the more infuriating it was¡ªI was actually interested in her, and instead she¡¯s tryin¡¯ to just fucking shit all over my reputation? We¡¯ve never even talked! FUCK this girl! Who¡¯s the faggot-ass little bitch now, huh? In his opinion, a minor little shove after spotting her at the bus loop was already letting her off lightly. He¡¯d booked it afterwards of course, in hopes that he¡¯d get away scot-free... but a pair of freshman guys chased after him, probably some of the very same dudes he¡¯d heard Tabitha regularly hooked up with. There wouldn¡¯t have been a ghost of a chance of the clowns catching him, either, if not for his ill-planned attempt to double back and catch his own bus¡ªwhen the dean Mr. Shaw caught up, Chris was already caught up in a fight with those two asshole freshman guys amidst a growing crowd of onlookers. Fucking unbelievable... ¡°Good morning. My name¡¯s Donald Thompson, and I¡¯m here about my son¡¯s suspension,¡± His dad said, turning a stern look from the administrative clerk to the teenage son he was firmly gripping by the shoulder. ¡°An apology and a five-day suspension is acceptable. Chris was in the wrong, here, and I¡¯ve already had a talk with him about it. But, you¡¯re not going to suspend him from playing games for a whole season for this, that¡¯s ridiculous. He has a future ahead of him, and the school¡¯s responsible for seeing to that.¡± ¡°Er...¡± The woman frowned, turning to look at Chris. ¡°Mr. Thompson¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯ve heard from my son, as well as parents of other students here¡ªthis Tabitha girl¡¯s been known to instigate problems,¡± Mr. Thompson cut her off. ¡°I think that things may have been blown way out of proportion. From what I¡¯ve been told, he gave her a playful shove, and then this fall was purely accidental. Is my understanding correct?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mr. Thompson, there¡¯s nothing I can tell you about it. The¡ª¡± ¡°There¡¯s nothing you can tell me about it?¡± Mr. Thompson repeated, sounding annoyed. He leaned over the counter, trying to spot someone in the rear offices with more authority. ¡°Yeah, of course not. Tell me, just who do I need to speak with to resolve this?¡± ¡°The district school board,¡± The administrative clerk replied. ¡°Nobody can do anything about the suspension until they meet on Monday, Sir. Not while there¡¯s civil or criminal action pending. The best you can probably hope for is an expulsion hearing.¡± ¡°Criminal¡ª¡± Mr. Thompson¡¯s voice rose. ¡°Expulsion hearing? You can¡¯t be goddamn serious. The district school board? Criminal action? For a playground scuffle¡ªa tussle between children? What a complete and total crock of shit. Oh, this is the girl from that trailer park, isn¡¯t it? Let me guess, I take it her parents are chasing after some enormous, trumped-up cash settlement for damages?¡± ¡°No, Sir,¡± the clerk shook her head. ¡°Her father sure raised a fuss yesterday, but it was two Springton police officers that came in this morning and filled out the notice of claim¡ªit¡¯s already filed with the district.¡± ¡°Ridiculous,¡± Mr. Thompson scoffed. ¡°After that stunt she pulled with that police officer? I¡¯d be surprised if they¡¯re not preparing to press charges against her already, juvenile or not. Listen, if for some reason my son¡¯s being implicated in some sort of lawsuit or slander, I¡¯m going to need a copy of the claim immediately.¡± ¡°Just one moment,¡± The woman nodded, stepping back from the reception desk and disappearing into the back offices. ¡°I¡¯m not apologizing to Tabitha¡ªshe called me a faggot,¡± Chris fumed. ¡°Jesus. Where the hell¡¯s her suspension?¡± ¡°You want to keep playing football, you¡¯ll do what you¡¯re told,¡± Mr. Thompson instructed. There was anger in his tone, and he hadn¡¯t released that iron grip he had on his son¡¯s shoulder. ¡°This was goddamn stupid of you Chris, and you can be sure as hell they¡¯ll try to drag all this out kicking and screaming. Goddamn stupid.¡± ¡°Here we are,¡± the clerk returned, grabbing a stapler so that she could fix a pair of papers together at their upper corner. Chris caught a glimpse of the form when the woman passed it to Mr. Thompson to read, and there was a lot of writing there. To his dismay, he watched his father¡¯s expression darken as he read through the document, angrily flipping the paper to read the next page. An anxious, unsettling feeling began to blossom as his father turned the page back and read it over again from the beginning. ¡°Chris¡ª¡± Mr. Thompson slapped the claim copy on the reception counter and grabbed his son by the collar. ¡°What the fuck have you gotten yourself into?¡± 20: The road to recovery, and the path to revenge. Like always, Alicia sat by herself on the bus, settling into a comfortable slouch with knees up against the vinyl of the seat in front of her so that she could stare out the window and watch the scenery pass by. The dark-skinned girl wasn¡¯t brooding, exactly, but nor did she feel like a particularly friendly and talkative morning person. When another kid dropped in beside her, singling her out by asking if she was that Tabitha girl¡¯s friend, Alicia couldn¡¯t suppress her annoyance. Until the boy¡ªa friend of one of the guys who¡¯d tried to pick a fight with Chris Thompson yesterday¡ª began catching her up on what¡¯d happened in the bus loop yesterday. Alicia listened on in dismay and disbelief, mentally kicking herself for never exchanging phone numbers with Tabitha. Can¡¯t believe I was in the dark about this, Alicia thought to herself, furious. All this nonsense is finally exploding completely out of control. These kids are fucking unbelievable! The trip to school had seemed to take forever, with Alicia sitting up and gripping the top of the seat in front of her impatiently, silently swearing up a storm. When they finally arrived, she burst out of her seat and down the aisle to run off of the bus, dashing over to Tabitha immediately upon spotting her slowly trudging along in the distance of the quad area. First bell wouldn¡¯t ring for some fifteen minutes, but it felt like there were a million things she needed to ask. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry! Didn¡¯t hear anything ¡®til this just this morning!¡± Alicia hurried to apologize as she slowed to a stop beside her friend. ¡°Are you okay? Tabs¡ªJesus, you look like shit.¡± ¡°Feel like shit,¡± Tabitha admitted with a weak smile. ¡°Didn¡¯t sleep much.¡± ¡°What happened?¡± Alicia asked, stepping closer to examine her friend. The new cast was held up across the girl¡¯s chest in a faded nylon sling, and she couldn¡¯t help but stare at it. Alicia really wanted to grab Tabitha into a fierce hug, but the redhead was looking more than just a little under the weather¡ªit looked like she was barely managing to stand upright. The girl¡¯s shoulders were stiff and hunched in, and her already pale features had a dreadful sickly pallor to them, with bruise-like dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes. It seemed like a stiff breeze could come along and knock this slightly swaying Tabitha completely off her feet. ¡°Got pushed, fell,¡± Tabitha said with a grimace. ¡°Hurt. Three or five months to heal.¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± Alicia fretted, carefully taking Tabitha by the shoulders to steady her. ¡°Jesus. Did they give you like, painkillers? Tylenols?¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded with a strained face. ¡°Codeine. Kinda.¡± ¡°Kinda?¡± ¡°It came back up this morning¡ªcouldn¡¯t keep it down.¡± ¡°You... threw up?¡± Alicia frowned. ¡°Can you try and take another one? Tabitha¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not as bad as last night,¡± Tabitha refused with a pained expression. ¡°They only gave us so many tablets. I just¡ªI need to sit down for a minute. Please.¡± More than a few people were watching them as Alicia guided Tabitha over towards one of the nearby concrete planters lining the quad. The decorative foliage within had long since died and been rooted out, and students typically now just used all the planter ledges as seats. When she finally sat Tabitha down, the redhead folded, doubling over to clutch at her knees in an alarming way. Alicia dropped to a crouch beside the crumpled girl in concern. ¡°Tabs?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Hah, Tabs, you¡¯re scarin¡¯ me. You are not okay¡ªyou shouldn¡¯t be in school today. Tabs? Tabitha?¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Tabitha grunted unconvincingly. ¡°Just. Need a minute.¡± ¡°Um¡­¡± Alicia glanced around for Elena, but it looked like their other friend hadn¡¯t arrived yet. ¡°I mean, how¡¯d this even happen? Shouldn¡¯t you have known like, just the right moment to dodge, or something, to prevent it from happening? Or the right day to skip takin¡¯ the bus? With your, uh, bein¡¯ from the future?¡± ¡°Hah,¡± Tabitha let out a tired laugh, slowly straightening herself to sit upright and carefully adjusting her sling. ¡°I wish. Changed too many things. I guess. Never got pushed, last time through¡ªnever broke a bone. This is... a first.¡± ¡°Oh, shit,¡± Alicia felt stumped. ¡°Guess I never considered that. Uncharted territory? So things are now like, worse than they were the first time?¡± ¡°No, not worse,¡± Tabitha gave her a bitter smile. ¡°Just¡­ different. Hard. I didn¡¯t break anything back then, but also¡­ no one would¡¯ve cared if I had. This time, I have you. And Elena. Friends.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Alicia blurted out, feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. Geez, some friend I¡¯ve been. ¡°No, don¡¯t be sorr¡ª¡± Tabitha began, looking troubled. ¡°Tabitha!¡± Elena was quickly crossing their way with that long stride of hers. ¡°Hey. My parents talked last night¡ªthey¡¯re gonna try to do something ¡®bout all this.¡± ¡°Try to do something?¡± Tabitha repeated, blinking. ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena gave them a serious nod. ¡°My Dad thinks that so long as we just apply this little bit of pressure, the school¡¯ll cave like, right away.¡± ¡°Oh. Elena¡ª your family doesn¡¯t have to, um,¡± Tabitha said sheepishly. ¡°Do all that on my behalf.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a problem,¡± Elena frowned. ¡°Tabby, I¡¯m like¡ªI¡¯m pissed. Look at what they did to you!¡± ¡°She¡¯s right,¡± Alicia nodded in support. ¡°This has all got to stop.¡± Although she completely agreed with Elena¡¯s stance, Alicia couldn¡¯t help but feel terribly inadequate as a friend. The confident blonde white girl always seemed to be in the know, always seemed to have parents or someone to turn to right away for immediate results. She didn¡¯t dislike Elena for that, not anymore, but there was this helpless frustrating feeling she couldn¡¯t shake all the same. ¡°Tabby¡­ are you gonna be alright?¡± Elena asked. ¡°You don¡¯t look so good, like, at all.¡± ¡°I¡¯m better, now,¡± Tabitha softly smiled. ¡°Better than I¡¯ve been in a long while, I think.¡± ¡°Tabs¡ªI¡¯m gonna get you a marker by lunch period,¡± Alicia promised Tabitha, hopping up to sit beside Tabitha and then gingerly pulling her into a hug. ¡°For you to keep with you.¡± ¡°A marker?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t let anyone else sign your cast before I do¡ªI wanna be the first, okay? It¡¯s gonna be really cool, I promise.¡±
I think... I¡¯m in serious trouble, Tabitha thought, weakly clutching at the edge of her desk with her remaining hand. The first period Marine Science classroom felt like it was slowly spinning, and she was afraid to meet the worried looks Elena kept shooting in her direction. Tabitha knew she couldn¡¯t take today¡¯s codeine tablet on an empty stomach, so she¡¯d tried to force down half a banana for breakfast. That had apparently been a mistake, and she¡¯d kneeled over the bathroom toilet retching it right back up shortly afterwards. Stomach ulcers from her past life made it extremely easy for her to mentally associate hunger with gastric pain, which had been a great help in rapidly losing weight over the summer. Now when she actually needed to keep food down, however, it was working against her in a terrible way. Intellectually, she recognized her body was actually famished, that she was practically faint with hunger. But, some subconscious part of her brain stubbornly continued to interpret the increasing discomfort as ulcer pain, and her body seemed intent on rejecting everything in a dizzying bout of nausea. I mean, I also I don¡¯t want to gain weight, sure¡ªI¡¯m TERRIFIED of ever gaining weight again. Especially right now, Tabitha slowly winced. Damn. Am I, what, turning anorexic now? The problem was, she just didn¡¯t feel like she was hungry at all¡ªinstead it was registering as a steadily deepening pit of stress and pain in her tummy, until the very idea of eating felt absolutely vile. Which meant the last actual meal she¡¯d had was yesterday¡¯s breakfast, the morning of the day she¡¯d taken that fall. Right now she felt feeble, like her body was well past running on fumes and instead starting to coast to a complete stop. Didn¡¯t work out last night. Didn¡¯t sleep much. Didn¡¯t do my morning run, or even just a walk with my mother, Tabitha inwardly tallied her recent negligence. Need to figure out how I¡¯m going to cook dinners with just the one hand, for a while. Start teaching Mom to help? That would¡ª ¡°Tabitha Moore? Excuse me, can we speak with Tabitha Moore outside for a moment?¡± The adult voice jarred Tabitha out of her thoughts, and she twisted in her seat towards the door of the classroom in confusion. The entire class had turned to look as well. A rotund older man she recognized as a school administrator of some sort was leaning in through the doorway. Oh. Okay. She¡¯d paused for a moment in something of a daze, and before she could get up herself Elena was helping her up out of her seat and down the row of desks. There was another adult waiting outside, along with a teenage boy that Tabitha assumed was a student aide of some sort. She felt Elena¡¯s grip on her arm tighten at the sight of them, and when Tabitha looked up, she saw her friend was scowling with such undisguised malice that she was nearly baring her teeth at them. ...What? ¡°Just Tabitha, please,¡± the administrator waved Elena away. Ignoring the man, Elena trotted over to grab a plastic chair from the table at the back of the room, carrying it outside the classroom and placing it down for Tabitha. The tall blonde then went back inside, closing the door behind her, and stood there¡ªglaring out at them through the vertical rectangle of glass set in the classroom door with her arms crossed. ¡°Good morning,¡± the administrator greeted, putting his hand forward. ¡°I¡¯m Principal Edwards, this is Mr. Thompson and his son. We¡¯d like to talk to you about what happened yesterday.¡±
Fucking hell, Chris, Mr. Thompson wanted to swear, looking from this scrawny waif of a girl to his tall and athletic son in growing outrage. You pushed THIS girl? She must weigh ninety pounds soaking wet¡ªjust look at her skinny little arms! From the rumors and hearsay, he¡¯d expected some sullen, sulking teenage girl, maybe one styling herself after¡­ damn, who is it nowadays? Madonna? Shakira? Whatever stupid fashionista kids imitate these days. Instead, this Tabitha girl dressed tastefully and had a gentle, somewhat mousy demeanor that seemed completely at odds with all prior assumptions. The pain the girl was experiencing didn¡¯t look feigned in the slightest, either¡ªshe was unsteady on her feet, her eyes were tight, and she was forgetting her own dangling arm sling to instead protectively hold her cast up high against her own collarbone. Her entire little frame seemed to be radiating distress, and it was all he could do not to slap his son stupid at the mere sight of her. Scoffed at the idea anyone¡¯d break anything just falling down off a curb, Mr. Thompson found himself struggling and failing to reign in the protective instincts that Tabitha naturally aroused. Looking at her now, seems damn lucky she didn¡¯t break more¡ªshe got shoved by a running back probably twice her size! Jesus, the cast even looks huge on her. Chris, don¡¯t you see how damn bad this ends up looking? ¡°Have a seat, please,¡± Principal Edwards said, gesturing towards the chair the girl¡¯s surly friend had brought out for her. ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha hesitated warily for a moment before easing down into the seat. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°This is Chris Thompson,¡± Principal Edwards motioned Chris forward. ¡°He¡¯s here to apologize for what happened yesterday.¡± The girl shrunk back in her chair, hunching her shoulders in ever so slightly, as if only now really registering the teenage boy¡¯s presence. ¡°Yeah,¡± Chris reported stiffly, as if reading off a script. ¡°...Sorry.¡± Donald Thompson turned an incredulous stare at his oaf of a son, but it appeared that was all the boy was willing to say. Before he could resist, he found himself swatting a smack upside the idiot sixteen-year-old¡¯s head. In front of them, Tabitha flinched back at the sudden violence, timidly half-rising out of her chair. ¡°Mr. Thompson¡ªplease,¡± Principal Edwards frowned, holding up a hand. ¡°Chris, c¡¯mon now. I know you¡¯re a team player and you¡¯re a good kid¡ªis that really all you¡¯ve got to say for yourself?¡± ¡°Yep,¡± Chris replied with a stubborn set of his jaw. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°How do you two kids know each other, if you don¡¯t mind my asking?¡± Principal Edwards pressed, looking from Chris to Tabitha for answers. ¡°I¡¯d like to know how things got to this point.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡­ don¡¯t believe we¡¯ve ever met?¡± Tabitha turned a perplexed look of her own towards Chris. ¡°Yeah, right,¡± Chris scoffed, refusing to look her in the eye. ¡°She¡¯s been telling everyone I run like a faggot.¡± ¡°No¡ªI haven¡¯t,¡± Tabitha sagged back into her chair, displaying a bitter smile that didn¡¯t seem to match her age. ¡°But. I suppose one of the Taylor sisters told you that.¡± ¡°Not really,¡± Chris gave them an unapologetic shrug. ¡°Everyone¡¯s been hearing her say it.¡± ¡°The Taylor sisters?¡± Mr. Thompson prompted. ¡°They... put me in the hospital earlier this year,¡± Tabitha explained slowly. ¡°Under similar circumstances. They pushed me when I was visiting their younger sister, Ashlee. Cracked skull, had to be sent up to Louisville for a better MRI. I think they¡¯ve been¡­ out to make things difficult for me here, ever since I started school.¡± ¡°No they¡¯re not,¡± Chris sneered. ¡°She¡¯s the one always starting shit¡ªask anyone.¡± ¡°She has not,¡± Elena interrupted, opening the door a crack so that she could speak through. ¡°The Taylors are the ones spreading all the nasty rumors about Tabitha nonstop. Mr. Simmons almost lost his Goddamn job! Hey, Mr. Simmons, come tell them about¡ª ¡± ¡°Could you go take your seat, please, Miss?¡± Principal Edwards frowned. ¡°This is a private issue between Tabitha and Chris.¡± Except¡­ that doesn¡¯t seem to be the case? Mr. Thompson coolly turned to appraise the Springton principal. Seems like some other girls were just using him to harass this girl? This Tabitha girl didn¡¯t recognize Chris from Adam when she stepped out here. God DAMNIT, Chris. You¡¯ve got to be smarter than all this. Visibly fuming, Elena slammed the door closed again. She continued to scowl out the little window at them, refusing to go sit down. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. ¡°Did one of these Taylor girls say something to you?¡± Mr. Thompson pressed, giving his son a cold look. ¡°I guess?¡± Chris grudgingly shrugged again. ¡°Everyone¡¯s saying it, though.¡± So that¡¯s it, then, Mr. Thompson narrowed his eyes. You might¡¯ve just thrown away your whole football future, all because you never stopped to question anything that was said for a single damned second. Donald Thompson liked to imagine that his boy was pretty sharp, that Chris had great prospects and a promising athletic career ahead of him. Realizing just how immature and shortsighted his son actually was... had an incredibly sobering effect. This time he could almost feel the gray hairs coming in. ¡°Tabitha,¡± Mr. Thompson resigned himself to a sigh, looking away from his wayward son. ¡°Has your father said anything about pressing charges? We¡¯d like to cooperate and settle all of this as cleanly as possible, no matter what that ends up meaning.¡± ¡°No, but. Um,¡± Tabitha hesitated and then winced. ¡°Can I give you our phone number? I don¡¯t think my father¡¯s insurance likes me being so, um. Injury-prone. He hasn¡¯t said anything to me, but I¡¯m sure he had to pay mostly out of pocket for the x-rays and cast, this time. If there¡¯s... any sort of assistance you could¡ª¡± ¡°Consider it all covered,¡± Mr. Thompson agreed immediately. Right out of Chris¡¯ college fund, and he¡¯s gonna work his ass off to put it back into shape before the end of the year. For STARTERS. ¡°That goes without saying. How bad is it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­¡± Tabitha frowned, unconsciously trying to wiggle the cast-encased fingers of her left hand. ¡°The fifth metacarpal is broken, and my wrist is fractured. I¡¯m sorry, I-I don¡¯t know how much it all cost.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll take care of it,¡± Mr. Thompson promised, frowning in his son¡¯s direction but somehow managing not to hit him again. ¡°Good, good,¡± Principal Edwards smiled. ¡°I¡¯m glad this was all able to be resolved.¡±
¡°No this is not resolved,¡± Mrs. Cribb growled in exasperation, digging and hunting through the dish of Halloween candy someone had set back behind the front desk. She threw Principal Edwards a dirty look. ¡°Are you serious?¡± Wearing a sweater featuring a pumpkin patch atop her more professional button-up blouse and suit pants, forty-nine-year-old Pamela Cribb from the Springton school board couldn¡¯t help but think she¡¯d arrived not a moment too soon¡ªthe situation here was turning into a total fiasco! Although ostensibly just another member of the school board, in practice Pamela Cribb found herself doing a lot of legwork and oversight between the schools, as their district was considered too small to appoint an actual assistant superintendent. Resolved? Mrs. Cribb seethed, finally singling out an individually wrapped little Milky Way. Not damned likely. Mr. Edwards¡ªyou don¡¯t seem to have any grasp of the SEVERITY of this situation. Karen Williams had called her late last night, angry to the point of tears, and Mrs. Cribb hadn¡¯t had any clue where to even begin placating the woman. They were longtime friends¡ªboth members of the Springton United Methodist church, and they¡¯d been in Women¡¯s Fellowship Choir group together for years. Karen Williams was such a nice, friendly woman that hearing her so furious, even over the phone, had been more than a little startling. Worse yet, it was Karen Williams, and that woman knew everyone. ¡°Erica Taylor, Brittney Taylor, Kaylee Mendolson,¡± Mrs. Cribb double-checked the names she¡¯d written down. ¡°Pull these girls out of class and have them sent up to the office. They¡¯ll all be facing suspension.¡± ¡°Suspension, based on a he said, she said?¡± Principal Edwards frowned. ¡°When it¡¯s just one of these girl¡¯s words against another¡ª¡± ¡°Yes, suspension¡ªbased on the school board¡¯s immediate harassment investigation,¡± Mrs. Cribb¡¯s anger was rising, and she found it difficult to keep it out of her voice. ¡°Springton police has a county lawyer preparing to press charges, the parent teacher association¡¯s flooding with angry calls already, and we just received a second notice of claim, now from the law offices of Seelbaugh and Straub.¡± ¡°Seelbaugh and Straub?¡± Principal Edwards began to bluster. ¡°The Thompson family already agreed to cover expenses for¡ª¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t just about the Thompson boy!¡± Mrs. Cribb interjected. ¡°Henry¡ªwe¡¯re being threatened with lawsuits based on information that we, the school board, haven¡¯t even begun to collect yet. Everyone¡¯s out for blood¡ªif it¡¯s going to be ours, I think I¡¯d at least like to know why! Go pull those girls out of class. Now.¡± She rubbed her temples in vexation as Principal Edwards left with the brief list of names. The heavyset Principal had just been so confident that smoothing things over between the Thompson and Moore families would put the entire matter to rest. Mrs. Cribb felt the pressure and urgency, even if the Springton High administration did not¡ªshe knew that she needed to get to the bottom of this before things snowballed completely out of control. The situation didn¡¯t seem to warrant an emergency school board meeting¡ªyet¡ªbut if she didn¡¯t get a handle on things quickly, the matter wouldn¡¯t end at just a few expulsions. The last thing we can afford right now is any kind of legal battle! ¡°Mrs. Clara?¡± Mrs. Cribb asked, knocking on the door of the rear office. ¡°You have the student record for Miss Tabitha Moore out?¡± ¡°Have it here¡ªNinth grade. Graduated from Laurel, recommended for advanced placement English. Birthday in December. Vaccinations are up to date,¡± Mrs. Clara read from the brief file while shaking her head. ¡°There was the one rumor about inappropriate conduct with a teacher, but it was just a rumor¡ªwe thought it best to handle as quietly as possible. Nothing grade-wise ¡®till the end of this first term, but Mrs. Albertson¡¯s insisted the girl¡¯s at the top of her class.¡± ¡°Top of which class?¡± Mrs. Cribb asked. ¡°Mrs. Albertson teaches her, what¡ªEnglish?¡± ¡°The advanced placement English, yes,¡± Mrs. Clara nodded. ¡°From what I understand though, she means Miss Moore may be at the top of the entire class, the entire freshman class. We have signatures from three teachers, recommending we skip the girl on up another grade level.¡± ¡°You¡¯re kidding,¡± Mrs. Cribb sighed, palm on her forehead. ¡°Freshman, birthday in December? Is she thirteen years old, or fourteen? Fifteen?¡± ¡°Looks like¡­¡± Mrs. Clara checked the printed date of birth. ¡°Thirteen?¡± ¡°Thirteen¡ªthat¡¯s way too damned young for this kind of bullying,¡± Mrs. Cribb growled, letting out a slow breath. ¡°Have either student aides, or a monitor, or someone keep a close eye on her¡ªin fact, I don¡¯t want this poor girl out of anyone¡¯s sight until this is all taken care of. Classes, between classes, at lunch. The bus loop, too. Send any problems right here to the office for suspension¡ªworst comes to worst, we pull the whole damned student body into the auditorium and give them all a long talking-to about acceptable conduct.¡± Thankfully, Mrs. Clara didn¡¯t dilly-dally once she had her instructions. The woman gave her a prompt nod and immediately stepped out, off to track down and notify each of Tabitha¡¯s teachers. Our saving grace so far seems to be that the first major incident with that fractured skull didn¡¯t happen on school grounds, Mrs. Cribb pursed her lips, leaning across Mrs. Clara¡¯s desk for the office phone and pressing for an outside line. If this does wind up in court, I¡¯m gonna make sure it¡¯s the parents of these girls answering, not the damned school board. Punching in the number on record and then dropping down heavily into the office chair, Mrs. Cribb fought the urge to drum impatient fingers across the surface of the desk. She remembered Karen Williams had always been a delight to collaborate with, on anything¡ªbe it organizing a fundraiser dinner, a surprise birthday party to celebrate one of the congregation¡¯s elderly members, or even putting together a fun trip for the youth group at the last minute, after original plans had fallen through. It was more than a little frightening imagining that smiling woman instead working against her, and Mrs. Cribb couldn¡¯t help but grit her teeth at the prospect. ¡°Hello¡ªam I speaking to the parents of Erica and Brittney Taylor?¡±
¡°Well, both Erica and Brittney got sent home, so something¡¯s up,¡± Elena deduced. ¡°Everyone¡¯s talking about it.¡± Tabitha was slumped over, leaning up against Alicia at their lunch table. Her left arm was trapped under Alicia¡¯s, and even pinned into place, because her artistic friend needed her to be absolutely still so that she could finish drawing on Tabitha¡¯s cast. Today, it was easy for Tabitha to obediently lie still and motionless¡ªshe felt exhausted and empty. ¡°Everyone here¡¯s always talking, about everything,¡± Alicia grumbled. ¡°Don¡¯t know how you do it, Elena. I sure couldn¡¯t put up with it.¡± Even though she didn¡¯t feel quite all there, Tabitha wasn¡¯t blind to the marked difference in the way Springton High treated her today. Students had openly stared, steering a wide berth around her and gawking at her from a distance. The chatty teenage girls in each of Tabitha¡¯s classes had fallen into a strained, somehow angry-seeming silence in her presence. It seemed foreboding to her, made her glumly suspect that the worst was still yet to come. Most of the severe stomach pain had faded away throughout the day, and she was now more than content to listlessly watch on as Alicia did her thing. Her friend was carefully creating what looked to be a scrollwork series of swirls and flourishes, according to some larger intricate plan that Tabitha couldn¡¯t discern. Each steady touch of fine-point marker embellished the light blue of Tabitha¡¯s cast with more and more of the artful pattern, and it was mesmerizing to watch. Looks like one of those fancy designs from the future, like they¡¯d have in those stress relief coloring books, Tabitha mused to herself. Maybe we can color it in? Can you paint a cast, or does it need to breathe? ¡°Communicating with others is super important, though,¡± Elena argued. ¡°I don¡¯t like what they have to say, but you need to be able to hear all of it, you know? Otherwise it¡¯s just, I dunno. Burying your head in the sand, missing out on details and things ¡®cause you just don¡¯t wanna hear them.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, Alicia,¡± Tabitha murmured, patting her friend¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m not good with people, either.¡± ¡°I think you can be,¡± Elena laughed. ¡°You were great with your little cousins, it¡¯s like you were this whole different you.¡± ¡°My cousins aren¡¯t¡­ people,¡± Tabitha tried to not make a face. ¡°They¡¯re my cousins. My little tribe of goblin warriors.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t believe you¡¯d call them that,¡± Alicia chided with a snort. ¡°Shame on you, Tabs. Calling other people goblins, already.¡± ¡°They¡¯re not¡­ people, though,¡± Tabitha insisted. ¡°They¡¯re my little cousins. Don¡¯t you have little cousins?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­ you¡¯re pretty out of it,¡± Elena said. ¡°You should probably be at home resting today, or something?¡± ¡°My Dad said he¡¯d pick me up early if I don¡¯t feel any better,¡± Tabitha explained, giving her blonde friend a bleary look. ¡°I just, I don¡¯t want to be at home. It¡¯s frustrating there.¡± ¡°You still look terrible,¡± Elena said, pausing and sitting up straight as someone approached their table. ¡°Oh, uh... hey. Tabitha; this is Carrie. Don¡¯t know if you remember her from Laurel? We all had stuff together.¡± Carrie? Tabitha wearily looked up at the new arrival, trying to recall where she¡¯d heard that name before. An unimpressed looking teenage girl had walked up to their table, wearing one of those fashionable winter vests that puffed out between the quilted seams. It took her a moment to place the design¡ªthe closed vest¡¯s three colors made up the Tommy Hilfiger logo flag, the first instance of it she¡¯d seen in her second trip through life. But definitely not the last¡­ Carrie had a pretty face, touched up with impressive if a little over-the-top makeup. A combination of liberally-applied nineties-style blue eyeshadow and cosmetic glitter gave the girl a frosty ice princess aesthetic, and then her long hair was just a few shades blonde of natural, pinned above the thin arch of her eyebrow on either side with barrettes. Two carefully chosen tendrils of hair were left free to frame her face, and while the look worked because she had naturally attractive, youthful features, the placement was so deliberate that it came off as a little pretentious. ¡°You really do look terrible,¡± Carrie appraised, looking Tabitha over in return with a level of scrutiny that made Tabitha distinctly uncomfortable. ¡°They¡¯re all saying you¡¯re faking it¡ªbut like, how do you fake it when you¡¯re the one that got pushed, right?¡± ¡°Right,¡± Elena nodded in agreement¡ªas if she¡¯d coached Carrie in what topics to broach earlier. ¡°...Hi, Carrie,¡± Tabitha said with caution, trying to sit up and look a bit more presentable. ¡°I think I do remember you.¡± ¡°You do?¡± Or at least, my subconscious does? Tabitha thought in embarrassment. Last night¡¯s feverish dream was hazy now, but she definitely remembered that this Carrie girl had been present¡ªthe teen bragging about how she¡¯d been back in time getting laid. ¡°All that was back in middle school,¡± Carrie shrugged in way of apology, eyeing Tabitha for her reaction as if daring her to say something about it. ¡°We¡¯re in high school now, sooo, all of that back then was whatever. Right?¡± ¡°She means she¡¯s sorry,¡± Elena attempted to mediate, throwing Carrie a glance of warning. ¡°And, that things are gonna be different from now on.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha said with an awkward smile. ¡°I¡¯ve put it all behind me, whether I wanted to or not. That concussion back then did a number on me¡ªeverything at Laurel is all just kind of... a big scary blur, now.¡± ¡°Okay, cool,¡± Carrie nodded. ¡°I am kinda sorry things were like that. Anyways, ¡®Lena says you didn¡¯t get lipo?¡± ¡°Carrie¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, everybody¡¯s been saying things,¡± Carrie held up her hands defensively. ¡°Just wanna know what¡¯s for real, alright?¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha sighed. She carefully shifted her sling until her cast was resting at her shoulder, and then leaned back from the table, peeling her blouse up to reveal bare midsection. ¡°Uhhh¡ª¡± Carrie laughed, giving her a skeptical look. ¡°What are you doing?¡± ¡°It¡¯s only been a few months,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Scars would be noticeable. Fat reduction surgeries, they make little incisions so they can remove tissue. I¡¯m too young for that kind of procedure, anyways, though. Don¡¯t think you can get it below the age of eighteen.¡± ¡°Okay, yeah!¡± Carrie leaned in for closer inspection, finally looking mollified. ¡°Not a scratch anywhere, cool. You¡¯re super pale, though¡ªyikes.¡± ¡°It¡¯s October,¡± Elena said, exasperated. ¡°All of us are gonna be a little pale, okay? ¡®Cept Alicia, of course.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± Alicia yelled in mock-indignation. ¡°I¡¯m not that pale,¡± Carrie retorted, looking from girl to girl. ¡°And¡ªAlicia¡¯s black.¡± ¡°I am?!¡± Alicia held out her hands and gaped at them in feigned shock. ¡°Gee, nobody¡¯d pointed it out for a few minutes, thanks. Sure wouldn¡¯t wanna forget!¡± ¡°Har har,¡± Carrie made a disgusted face. ¡°Chill out, geez. I have black friends.¡± ¡°I¡¯m actually just¡­ always pale,¡± Tabitha tried to explain. ¡°I¡¯m pale, or I burn¡ªthere isn¡¯t any, um. In-between, for me.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t have to show Carrie anything, Tabitha,¡± Elena said. ¡°You don¡¯t have to prove yourself to anybody.¡± ¡°That¡¯s dumb,¡± Carrie disagreed, giving Elena a doubtful look. ¡°Like, if she can prove it with that, she should¡¯ve just shown everybody?¡± ¡°S¡¯not what my Mom says,¡± Elena refused, crossing her arms. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t ever try to appease the people who put you down, for any sort of validation¡ª¡®cause then from then on, it¡¯s like you¡¯ve given them authority over you.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t even make any sense,¡± Carrie rolled her eyes. ¡°Elena, you¡¯re turning into a total nerd.¡± ¡°You¡¯re... both a little right,¡± Tabitha said as diplomatically as she could manage, carefully smoothing her blouse back down. ¡°I just.. I¡¯m not great with confrontation.¡± ¡°You¡¯re really not,¡± Carrie decided, seeming to have made up her mind. ¡°Like, the more you think about it¡ªthere¡¯s no way you¡¯d¡¯ve called Chris Thompson a faggot. Even if he kinda is, like for pushing you and all. Just doesn¡¯t really fit with what you¡¯d say though, y¡¯know?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never called him anything,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut. ¡°I just first met him today. When he came to... apologize.¡± ¡°Everyone¡¯s tryin¡¯ to figure out why you¡¯ve had this big vendetta against him,¡± Carrie grinned. ¡°But, you never did, did you? It¡¯s all made up, huh?¡± ¡°No shit¡ªeverything going around about Tabs has been made up,¡± Alicia groused. ¡°She saved that cop, I was fucking there. Mr. Peterson¡¯s pissed about all the naysayers, too. People keep saying like the photo in that paper was faked¡ªuh, Mr. Peterson developed it himself, right from the negative.¡± ¡°Yeah, and that whole thing with Mr. Simmons?¡± Elena chimed in. ¡°Totally bogus. She was in the library every day at lunchtime, they checked. There¡¯s a security camera in the ceiling there.¡± ¡°Okay, yeah. And Matthew didn¡¯t ever ask her out,¡± Carrie nodded, casting a glance from Elena to Tabitha to gauge their expressions. ¡°Yeah, I knew that one was fake already¡ªthey started it just to try and like, drive a wedge between you two. Since fuckin¡¯ everyone knows Elena has the hots for Matthew.¡± ¡°Not... everyone knows,¡± Elena scowled. ¡°Geez.¡± ¡°You did tell both of us you were crushing on him right away,¡± Tabitha pointed out with a slight smile. ¡°Like, the very day we met.¡± ¡°No, I didn¡¯t,¡± Elena denied. ¡°Not like, right away, anyways. Besides, he is hot. Try to tell me he¡¯s not.¡± ¡°You guys do realize he¡¯s randomly wandering around right over there, right?¡± Alicia smirked. ¡°Matthew Williams. He keeps glancing over this way.¡± ¡°Duh, he¡¯s been trying to look out for Tabitha,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°Whatever. Everyone look over at him for a second.¡±
Matthew Williams¡¯ stride faltered midstep as the table of four girls he was discreetly keeping an eye on all turned in unison, and then pointedly stared in his direction. Damn, He flashed them a somewhat guilty smile. Abandoning his pretense of idly roaming around the outer area of the quad, Matthew turned and headed over towards them. How do they DO that? His mother¡¯s smooth move, detective joke for Dad had been completely beaten to death over the years, and Matthew would be the first one to admit he and his father didn¡¯t have any particular proclivity for sneaking around. He was relieved to notice he wasn¡¯t the only one watching over Tabitha¡ªone of the deans, Mrs. Clara, was sitting at the one out-of-the-way corner table, and hadn¡¯t taken her eyes off the girls the entire time. Guess¡­ I¡¯d better just go say what¡¯s up? Matthew Williams ran a hand through his hair. I can just invite all of them. Mom REALLY wants Tabitha to come to the party, but I don¡¯t wanna make it seem weird or anything¡ªespecially after that stupid rumor. 21: Withdrawing from school. ¡°Hey guys,¡± Matthew Williams gave them a sheepish greeting. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Hi, Matthew!¡± Carrie rewarded him with a brilliant smile. He recognized Carrie as one of Erica Taylor¡¯s coterie of freshman being groomed for a position in Springton High¡¯s labyrinthian pyramid-scheme of popularity. She¡¯d been pointedly introduced to Matthew several times already, and he was supposed to know her, but honestly this platinum blonde beaming a smile at him had never made any credible impression herself. So¡ªwhat¡¯s one of Erica¡¯s girls doing hanging around Tabitha, now? Matthew wondered, sending a questioning glance towards Elena. ¡°Matthew,¡± Elena acknowledged his presence with a neutral tone, not seeming particularly pleased to see him. Ahh... fuck, Matthew tried not to wince. S¡¯all gonna be about taking sides, now, huh? It wasn¡¯t that he wasn¡¯t sympathetic towards Tabitha¡¯s group¡ªjust, with him already implicated in rumors, he had to tread very carefully and watch what he said to them. While also somehow making absolutely sure he invited Tabitha to the Halloween party, of course. Because his mother would ask him about that. From what people mentioned, Elena was interested in him, which only made things more difficult for everyone. Matthew was discreetly dating Casey, and after a youth retreat last month spent making out and getting handsy with each other beneath a blanket, he was fairly certain that he was going to love her forever. With his art club friends on one side, and the majority of his sophomore peers on the other, getting caught up in the internecine conflict surrounding Tabitha seemed inevitable¡ªhe really wished he could just not be involved in anything complicated. ¡°I, uh¡ªwell, I got to the bottom of who was spreading that rumor,¡± Matthew joked, presenting a lopsided smile for the girls. By the time he¡¯d arrived at school today, the topic had somehow already disseminated throughout the school and become common knowledge. ¡°We know,¡± Elena said, crossing her arms. ¡°We know,¡± Carrie agreed with a chuckle. ¡°Duh.¡± ¡°Smooth, Sherlock,¡± Alicia glanced up from the cast she was decorating and shot him a teasing grin. ¡°Real smooth.¡± ¡°You alright, Tabitha?¡± Matthew asked. ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ been better?¡± Tabitha sighed. She had a dazed, somewhat dreamy look in those pale green eyes today¡ªpainkillers, obviously¡ªand despite Matthew¡¯s sure future with Casey, that familiar surge of teenage hormones had him wondering what it would be like sharing a blanket with Tabitha. ¡°Real sorry things got so crazy out of hand like this,¡± Matthew apologized awkwardly, feeling a sharp pang of guilt for his attraction. ¡°Mom was pissed, she called the school board. Dad was all trying to calm her down¡ª¡®till he heard people were saying you made up the whole thing with Officer Macintire. Then he was pissed, and¡ªwell, listen, we¡¯re all pissed.¡± ¡°We are pissed,¡± Elena nodded in approval, uncrossing her arms and resting them back on the table. ¡°You letting people sign your cast, Tabitha?¡± Matthew asked. ¡°Not ¡®til I¡¯m finished,¡± Alicia decided, hunching protectively over Tabitha¡¯s arm. ¡°And then you¡¯re only allowed to sign right where I show you to sign.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t just keep using Tabitha as your art project for everything,¡± Matthew chuckled. Alicia hadn¡¯t been shy about telling the club she was using that photo she¡¯d taken as a painting reference as soon as she got into the Art II elective. ¡°Yes I can¡ªand yes I will,¡± Alicia stuck out her tongue at him, looking pleased with herself. The dark-skinned girl had been a lot more reserved back at that art club meeting, and it took a moment of Matthew gauging the body language between the different girls to guess why¡ªAlicia was acting playful to prove their familiarity and make Carrie and Elena uneasy. No, wait¡ªit¡¯s really just to put Carrie on edge, Matthew realized. Carrie and Elena seemed cut from the same cloth, but Elena¡¯s posture was decidedly guarded, like there was a wall of tension separating her from Carrie. Despite mostly facing him, she never let the other blonde out of her peripheral. Closer observation revealed that yes, the Erica faction Carrie was the obvious odd one out, and both Alicia and Elena were sitting protectively to look out for Tabitha. Gah. I really DO think Elena¡¯s cool, Matthew groused to himself as his estimation of Elena rose another notch. But... I absolutely don¡¯t want to get into this. Or seem like I¡¯m leading Elena on, or anything. Definitely don¡¯t want to jeopardize things with Casey. ¡°Well, anyways, having a big party, the Sunday after Halloween,¡± Matthew announced. ¡°My Grammy and Pawpaw have a big house on the lake, but they hurry down to Florida every winter, so my parents always trash the place throwing all the parties they can.¡± He meant that to come off as humor, but if last year was any indication¡­ ¡°Wanted to make sure you¡¯re all invited¡ªI can write down the address for you, if you want.¡± ¡°We¡¯re all invited?¡± Elena blurted out, her standoffish demeanor slipping for a moment. ¡°Yeah, of course,¡± Matthew confirmed. ¡°Any of you free?¡± ¡°Is it a costume party?¡± Alicia looked up from the cast with interest. ¡°Like, a Halloween thing?¡± ¡°Yeah, or at least¡ªmostly,¡± Matthew admitted. ¡°Me and some of the guys from my youth group¡¯re definitely gonna dress up.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll ask my mom, then,¡± Alicia shared a glance with Tabitha and Elena before looking back to Matthew. ¡°If that¡¯s cool?¡± ¡°Yeah, awesome,¡± Matthew nodded, eyeing Tabitha for her response. ¡°...Is Erica going?¡± Carrie inquired with a mischievous smirk, knowing what a loaded question that was. ¡°Uhhh¡ªwell, she was invited, yeah,¡± Matthew grimaced. ¡°Like, I¡¯m not gonna go out of my way to uninvite her, but with her already¡ª¡± ¡°I think you probably should uninvite her,¡± Elena cut in with a biting remark. ¡°You know what she¡¯s been doing; if she¡¯s there, we¡¯re not going.¡± ¡°No, no¡ªit¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha protested weakly. ¡°I don¡¯t even know if I can go. If I did¡ªall of us would be there, so things would still be... civil, right?¡± ¡°Right,¡± Carrie let out a sarcastic snort. ¡°Civil.¡± ¡°If Erica¡¯s going, Tabitha and us are not,¡± Elena decided in a firm voice. ¡°Like¡ªno way.¡± ¡°Address, please,¡± Alicia asked cheerfully, drawing out a blank page from the portfolio sitting beneath Tabitha¡¯s cast and passing her marker to Matthew. ¡°Uhhh... gimme your phone number too, yeah?¡± ¡°Yeah, of course,¡± Matthew nodded, pretending to be oblivious to the way the other girls all turned to stare at Alicia. REALLY wish I could just put it out there that I¡¯m taken without dumping drama bullshit all over Casey. It took him a moment to scrawl out the address and then his number beneath it, and Alicia immediately took the paper, quickly folding and putting it away before Carrie could peek at it. ¡°Thank you,¡± Alicia smiled to herself. ¡°...Can I borrow a piece of paper?¡± Carrie asked, giving the black girl a look. ¡°Uh, shit¡ªsorry, I don¡¯t have any blank paper,¡± Alicia lied. ¡°I really don¡¯t¡ªeven that one already had one of my drawings on the back. Sorry?¡± Carrie looked from girl to girl, visibly trying not to scowl as she suspected her apparent exclusion, but there was nothing Matthew could do¡ªit was lunch period, and he didn¡¯t carry things on him. Shit. ¡°I¡¯ll get the place from you later,¡± Carrie said to Matthew, her tone suggesting the words were not-so-subtly directed at the others. ¡°I really wanna go, and I¡¯m definitely gonna be there.¡± ¡°Uh, cool,¡± Matthew said helplessly, determined to not get involved. ¡°Yeah. Well, I¡¯ll catch you all later sometime. Feel better, Tabitha.¡± ¡°Matthew?¡± Tabitha spoke up. ¡°Say hi to Hannah for me, please?¡± He waved as he turned to go, amused to see Carrie frozen with indecision. For a moment it had looked like she was also about to walk away from the situation... but when he left the girls behind, he could still faintly overhear her hushed whisper. ¡°Who the hell¡¯s Hannah?¡±
After lunch, Tabitha managed to trudge along to her fifth period Algebra I class and settle into her seat to review her Goblina notes. Most of the freshman algebra assignments were from a workbook they were given at the beginning of the year, and aside from tests and the odd errant printout, Tabitha had completed all provided work well ahead of time. It was difficult to focus on her broad story outline today¡ªshe wanted to imagine what Hannah would make of things, were the spritely little girl to read her story. Tabitha was feeling beyond haggard, stretched past all of her tolerances and ready to have a breakdown, and only realized it when she¡¯d reread a sentence three times before the actual meaning registered. Her thoughts were wandering all over the place. With a bit of reluctance, she resigned herself to scribbling in her Goblina ¡®ideas¡¯ scratchpad section¡ªrandom thoughts she would review and reorganize into proper outline pages at the end of each week.
Use alternate method of exposition for supporting characters to delineate from heroine? Define by interaction with designated character foils? Explore other contrasts than traditional protagonist/antagonist clich¨¦s, experiment with defining abstract character traits using character foils. Work on splitting exposition prompts (profile pages 3-7, 13, 15) into backstory / narrative hooks, AVOID MYSTERY BOX STORYTELLING. Backstory exposition should always be in unreliable narration to setstablish set up establish the twist for the Goblin Princess book. Other narrative hooks are either character moments or chekhovs guns for setting up key plot points. Consider compiling a reference page of everything remember about Julie¡¯s story observations in regard to how Goblina sets up Goblina Princess! Her comments were very helpful. Test out different order of operations for planned exposition for best story fit. Divvy up backstory reveals for both the two book + three book alternate outlines and weigh merit, refer to page 118. (Page 118 tearing at top. Compare cost of plastic page protectors vs. occasionally rewriting pages w/ new paper when these older pages get crumpled or rip?) Ask Mrs. Albertson if there are research papers or studies on the best balance of concurrent subplots (by genre, if possible) and/or a technique for resolving subplots in sequence so there is always something satisfying for the reader. (Staple of serial fiction/webfiction, but thorough analysis of those distinctions may still be three decades away.) Ask Mrs. Albertson about research tomorrow, DON¡¯T FORGET. Practice acting out character manneirsms mannerisms w/ Mom? Helpful, adds insight to characters. Make ref page to explore and define which character traits can/can¡¯t be best expressed w/ written mannerisms? Teach Mom cauliflower rice recipe tonight, NEED EAT SOMETHING BEFORE GET WORSE. BRAINSTORM SIMPLE MEAL PREP OPTIONS FOR WEEK? PRIORITY, ASK GRANDMA HELP.
Staring down at her new entries with a strange sense of satisfaction, Tabitha set down her pencil and readjusted the strap of her sling. Her notes were mostly nonsense, but it was still incredibly cathartic putting all those nagging thoughts down onto paper, because then it felt like they were out of her head for good and didn¡¯t need to be worried about anymore. Slouching over her desk to rest her cheek on the inside of her arm, she closed her sore eyes for a moment¡ªand before she knew it, she¡¯d completely drifted off. Tabitha fell asleep for almost thirty-five minutes right in the middle of class, and when she woke up, the binder that she kept her Goblina project in was gone. At first, she was only confused. She¡¯d instinctively sought out the binder almost the moment she was awake and aware again, because it often existed to her as a tangible representation of her thoughts. It was where she collected her thoughts, a security blanket in the same sense as Alicia never letting her sketchbook too far out of her sight. Her desk was empty, and a cursory inspection leaning forward revealed it hadn¡¯t been nudged off and onto the floor. She knew she hadn¡¯t put it in the backpack resting by her side, but she checked anyways. Thinking perhaps another adjacent student had been curious and was flipping through it on their desk caused her to look around, and immediately several of the neighboring teenage girls sitting nearby purposefully looked away from her in unison, studiously avoiding her gaze. Tabitha stared back down at her empty desk in total disbelief for a moment. Oh... OH. Realizing what must have happened was immediately, intensely upsetting, and Tabitha glared up at them in furious consternation even as her eyes began to water. This wasn¡¯t completely new¡ªTabitha vaguely remembered classmates having knicked her belongings in her first life, but right now she felt so angry, hurt, and vulnerable that she was completely beside herself. She was trying to be the mature, level-headed Tabitha through each crisis, but she was past the limits of what she could endure right now, and didn¡¯t imagine she could weather this without having a breakdown. I¡¯m so fucking done. I¡¯m so fucking done with all of this. There was more than disjointed ramblings in that binder, it was a piece of her soul she was relearning how to carve out and express to others; it was her struggling¡ªbut promising¡ªattempt at breathing new inspiration into the failure of her last life¡¯s work. She wanted to flip out, she wanted to scream and cry, she wanted to shut down and hug her knees like a child, she wanted to wail and whine about how fucking ridiculously unfair all of this was becoming. Tabitha squeezed her left hand against the confines of its cast, attempting to clench her hand into a fist until it really started to hurt. But, I¡¯m not going to do any of that. Shaking slightly, Tabitha grit her teeth so hard her jaw ached, and carefully rose up out of her seat. Because I¡¯m a GODDAMN adult. There was a rush of dizziness and her vision blacked out for a moment as she stood, but that was slight malnourishment, not rage, and helped clear her head a bit. The room was quiet except for Mr. Stern droning on as he drew an example equation on the board at the front of the class, but the silence seemed somehow deafening to her. Students were turning in their seats to see what she was doing. Slowly¡ªcarefully, watching her feet on the chance someone would purposefully put out a foot to trip her, because she was completely out of trust for her peers right now¡ª Tabitha walked down the aisle of desks to the front of the classroom beside Mr. Stern. Stolen novel; please report. ¡°Yes? Miss Tabitha?¡± Mr. Stern paused, looking at her with surprise. ¡°I fell asleep,¡± Tabitha explained quietly. Tears had rolled down her cheeks, but she¡¯d managed to not start actually crying. If she did, there was no way she was going to be able to collect herself anytime soon. ¡°Yes, I saw that,¡± Mr. Stern admitted awkwardly, glancing over towards her assigned seat. ¡°But, you¡¯re a fair bit ahead of the class, and with¡ª¡± ¡°When I woke up, something on my desk was gone. A binder. It was full of¡ªit had a personal project that was very important to me,¡± Tabitha explained in a low voice. This close to the front of the class, she doubted anyone would be able to overhear, but with how quiet everyone had gone, it seemed like they were all extremely interested. ¡°I¡¯m going home,¡± Tabitha said, giving Mr. Stern a bitter smile. ¡°I don¡¯t feel good, and¡ªI don¡¯t feel safe here anymore. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m ever going to come back. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Stole your notebook? Binder?¡± Mr. Stern¡¯s face became a grimacing frown and he glared out across his students. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure that¡ª¡± ¡°Please do,¡± Tabitha felt herself begin to choke up. ¡°But¡ªI, I need to go. I¡¯m going to the main office. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Robert,¡± Mr. Stern snapped, pointing out the guy Tabitha had thought of as that redneck kid and then jerking his thumb back towards her. ¡°See Miss Tabitha here up to the main office. And don¡¯t bother her.¡± ¡°Yessir,¡± Bobby leapt to his feet agreeably, turning a smirk and a side-eyed glance towards the glowering group of girls that seemed out to get Tabitha. ¡°I¡¯m gonna call this in to the office,¡± Mr. Stern promised her. ¡°Go home and get some rest, we¡¯ll make sure this all gets resolved.¡±
¡°Thank you for picking me up, Grandma,¡± Tabitha said with a weak smile. ¡°You got¡­ a Jeep?¡± ¡°Belongs to my friend Nancy¡¯s daughter, she¡¯s being a dear and lettin¡¯ me borrow it,¡± Grandma Laurie said, taking Tabitha by the shoulders and anxiously inspecting her. ¡°Certainly better than Danny¡¯s old piece of junk. Now, are you okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ªno, I¡¯m not okay, Grandma,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I¡¯m so tired and just. Close to giving up, that I don¡¯t know what to do anymore. Don¡¯t know if I can stay in school. But, I have friends, now, I have¡ªor, I want to try to... I don¡¯t know. I just wish¡­¡± ¡°Well, let¡¯s not dawdle about this awful place,¡± Grandma Laurie insisted, casting a dirty look around the school grounds. ¡°You look fit to faint dead away. Is your hand hurtin¡¯ you?¡± ¡°A little,¡± Tabitha nodded, letting her Grandmother guide her over into the passenger¡¯s seat of the Jeep. ¡°I, um. When I took my codeine this morning, it didn¡¯t stay down. I threw up.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s get you to my place and get you all the aspirin you need,¡± Grandma Laurie proposed, giving her another worried look. ¡°Unless you think it¡¯s bad enough to stop by the hospital, have them take another look at it?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head, adjusting her cast and sling so that they weren¡¯t pinned uncomfortably by the crossing seatbelt. ¡°Maybe just¡­ aspirin and a nap?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll scare some quiet into the boys when they get out of school,¡± Grandma Laurie promised, starting up the Jeep. Unlike Mr. Moore¡¯s practiced and cautious driving, Grandma Laurie had them jerking forward with a sudden burst of acceleration, and then seemed content to maintain that uncomfortable speed. ¡°Have you had lunch already?¡± ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m not hungry,¡± Tabitha said, mustering a weak smile. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine.¡±
¡°You can¡¯t suspend me!¡± Clarissa Dole insisted, her face twisting in an exaggerated expression of pure teenage indignation. ¡°Suspension¡¯s just a temporary measure,¡± Mrs. Cribb remarked dryly, giving the girl an unimpressed stare. ¡°To keep you off of school grounds until the expulsion hearing.¡± What a debacle this is turning into¡­ Having commandeered Principal Edward¡¯s office, Pamela Cribb was working to convey the gravity of the current situation by sitting down for a one-on-one with a Clarissa¡ªa student who seemed intent on continuing to bully Tabitha Moore. Was sending those three girls home earlier too subtle a message? I imagined the SIGNIFICANCE would have traveled quickly in whatever social circle these problems are originating from. Was I overestimating them? Mrs. Cribb had now seen, but not spoken to Tabitha Moore herself¡ªwho turned out to be a slim young lady with lovely red hair and eyes that reflected a certain melancholy sadness that didn¡¯t seem to befit her age at all. The girl carried herself with a stiff but troubled kind of poise, carefully safeguarding her new cast close against her body, and looked more than a little unwell¡ªthe ongoing ordeals had clearly taken a toll on her. Though very interested in actually meeting Tabitha for a chat, Mrs. Cribb had been hurrying off to investigate the stolen notebook. By the time she¡¯d returned to the office with a perpetrator, sixth period was nearly over, and Tabitha¡¯s grandmother had already picked the poor girl up from school. ¡°You can¡¯t expulse me, either!¡± Clarissa exclaimed, jumping out of her seat. ¡°It was just a joke!¡± ¡°...Expel you,¡± Mrs. Cribb corrected Clarissa. ¡°Sit down, please. We certainly can, and we¡¯re making a strong case to the district superintendent to do so. Perhaps you can explain to me just what about this you thought was a joke?¡± ¡°All we did was hide her notebook for a bit,¡± Clarissa scowled, dropping back into the chair opposite the desk from Mrs. Cribb. ¡°God, it was a joke.¡± ¡°Ah; ¡®we.¡¯¡± Mrs. Cribb picked up her pen to take down names. ¡°Who is ¡®we?¡¯¡± ¡°No one,¡± Clarissa quickly frowned. ¡°I¡¯m not telling you anyone!¡± ¡°But, there were others involved in this?¡± Mrs. Cribb pressed. ¡°Those friends of yours?¡± ¡°...No,¡± Clarissa denied. ¡°I see,¡± Mrs. Cribb set down her pen. She folded her hands in front of her on the desk and stared at the uncooperative teen in silence for almost a full minute before speaking again. ¡°Let¡¯s go back over your... joke, Miss Dole,¡± Mrs. Cribb finally said, turning in her seat and patting a hand on the recovered evidence¡ªTabitha¡¯s binder. ¡°I¡¯m told that while Tabitha was resting in class, this was stolen from her.¡± ¡°Resting? She was asleep,¡± Clarissa retorted. ¡°But oh no, of course she¡¯s not gonna get in trouble for that.¡± ¡°Another student confirmed that several girls were behaving suspiciously,¡± Mrs. Cribb ignored the interruption. ¡°These girls volunteered to provide their school bags for inspection, and nothing belonging to Tabitha was found. At that time, these girls¡ªincluding you, I believe¡ªdenied taking anything from her. Is that correct?¡± Clarissa remained silent, glowering at Mrs. Cribb with her lips pressed into a thin line. ¡°Mr. Stern then revealed that you had been given leave during class to attend to the restroom. Upon searching that restroom¡ªTabitha¡¯s missing notebook was immediately discovered in the waste bin. Tabitha did not visit the restroom. No other students in that period had to visit the restroom. You visited the restroom. Correct?¡± ¡°But, it was just a joke,¡± Clarissa persisted. ¡°We were going to tell her where it was right away.¡± ¡°There it is again, ¡®we,¡¯¡± Mrs. Cribb noted. ¡°Which other girls were in on this ¡®joke?¡¯¡± ¡°No one,¡± Clarissa eventually decided with a difficult expression. ¡°Just me.¡± ¡°Right, fine then,¡± Mrs. Cribb sighed in aggravation. ¡°Clarissa¡ªhere¡¯s the problem with your ¡®joke,¡¯ right now. You did not tell Tabitha where the missing item was right away. You are not, I¡¯m told, on joking, or even friendly terms with Tabitha. We¡¯ve been informed by several students that you¡ªand several other girls who¡¯ll be questioned and likely also face some form of suspension¡ªhave been openly antagonistic towards her. Miss Dole, tell me¡ªare you somehow friends with Tabitha Moore?¡± ¡°No,¡± Clarissa made a face. ¡°But it was still just a joke, you¡¯re not allowed to expel me for it. Jesus. I don¡¯t have any warnings or strikes yet or anything like that. I¡¯ve never done anything wrong!¡± ¡°So, stealing isn¡¯t wrong?¡± Mrs. Cribb raised an eyebrow. ¡°Under normal circumstances, it would fall right under our student misconduct code¡ªyour parents would be contacted about a five-day minimum suspension, and it would go on your permanent record.¡± ¡°So... what, why isn¡¯t this normal circumstances?¡± Clarissa balked, paling a bit at mention of her permanent record. ¡°That isn¡¯t fair.¡± ¡°You happened to play your little joke during a criminal harassment investigation,¡± Mrs. Cribb smiled coldly, trying to remain patient. ¡°Last month, false allegations were made that almost cost a teacher his job, and stood to very severely damage Tabitha¡¯s reputation. I understand she¡¯s endured constant harassment, and been physically harmed twice this year to the point of requiring medical attention. Now, in addition to all of that, we have this. I¡¯m told she¡¯s at the top of her class here, yet she may be voluntarily withdrawing from Springton High because she doesn¡¯t feel safe here. I¡¯m now inclined to agree with her¡ªand that¡¯s a serious problem. ¡°The Springton Police department owe her a debt of gratitude¡ªI¡¯m sure you¡¯ve heard all about that¡ªso, in addition we have the district attorney and an independent firm preparing legal action to resolve this. We on the school board are going to do everything in our power to assist them, whether it means expulsions, handing students over for arrests, or appearing in court to testify. We are taking this situation extremely seriously. Do you understand?¡± ¡°...Oh,¡± Clarissa said dumbly, sagging back in her seat. ¡°Shit.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Mrs. Cribb agreed, drumming her fingers against the desktop. ¡°Oh, shit. We¡¯re going to go over this all again when your parents arrive, but right now I want you to think good and hard about how cooperative you¡¯d like to be.¡± Clarissa Dole seemed dazed, lost in thought as Mrs. Cribb continued. ¡°It seems very likely that you¡¯ll be expelled for the duration of the school year. Depending on the ruling of the school board, you may or may not be allowed to enroll in remedial night classes or alternative education within the district. You will be assigned a mandatory course addressing your behavior and conduct, that you will be required to pass. Otherwise... you can expect to be restarting ninth grade here at Springton High, next August.¡± ¡°You¡¯re holding me back a year?!¡± Clarissa stammered in disbelief. ¡°You can¡¯t be serious! That¡¯s not fair¡ªit was just a joke!¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t seem very funny to me,¡± Mrs. Cribb said gravely, gesturing her out with a finger. ¡°Take a seat in the outer office while we wait for your parents, please.¡± Mrs. Cribb followed the student with her eyes as the stunned teen rose out of the chair with a hollow, vacant expression and slowly walked out of the office with heavier steps than she¡¯d entered with. As a member of the school board, Mrs. Cribb didn¡¯t particularly like taking the reins with disciplinary action herself¡ªeven putting on the stern air of authority was taxing and stressful¡ªbut, she just couldn¡¯t trust Principal Edwards to not be soft on them. Spare the rod, spoil the child¡­ Mrs. Cribb let out a slow breath, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the desk and massaging her temples. Certainly never approved of the paddling WE got if we stepped out of line growing up back then, but seeing this younger generation going astray like this is very¡­ sobering. Shaking her head in dismay, the woman glanced back over at Tabitha¡¯s binder and then slid it in front of her out of curiosity. It was an inexpensive, rather plain-looking typical blue plastic binder. She found property of Tabitha Moore had been helpfully printed in permanent marker on the upper corner of the inside, and the three-ring binder was unexpectedly full¡ªalmost overfilled, with reams of content. There were almost no blank pages at all. Just what class is this for? It¡¯s only October, even an advanced placement class wouldn¡¯t require this much work already, Pamela Cribb pursed her lips, carefully flipping through page after page of neat, orderly handwriting. This all looks like... literary analysis? She rocked back in her chair, settling the binder in her lap as she leafed through the binder in search of class or assignment headings. There were none. Perplexed, Mrs. Cribb turned back to the front and began to read. Before she even finished the first page, she was thumbing through page after page in surprise to verify a suspicion that beggared belief. This is¡­ an EXTREMELY in-depth outline, for... a fiction novel? This planning, the way she¡¯s organizing the story structure, the thought she¡¯s putting into these details¡­ this is put together like university-level work. Not something a high school girl should be capable of¡ªnot a thirteen-year-old freshman, at least. Does Mrs. Albertson know about this? Mrs. Cribb¡¯s eyes had gone wide realizing the breadth of insight that had gone into the outline¡ªfor a novel apparently titled Goblina¡ªand she looked up at the office door Clarissa had left through with a growing sense of horror. And those girls THREW THIS IN THE TRASH?
¡°Uh-oh,¡± Nick whispered, elbowing Sam in the side and jerking his chin forward. ¡°Look.¡± ¡°Ow. What?¡± ¡°Grandma,¡± Nick said. The boys had just now disembarked together at the bus stop in their grandmother¡¯s neighborhood to see her awaiting their arrival on the porch. The tension in her body language suggested there was trouble, and each of them quickly ran through a mental check of things they might have gotten caught for. After several seconds, they each turned towards each other as they cautiously approached. ¡°What¡¯d you do?!¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything. It was probably Josh?¡± ¡°Shut up, nuh-uh I didn¡¯t!¡± ¡°Haha, you¡¯re in so much trouble.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything!¡± ¡°Maybe the neighbor lady told her about that book on her roof?¡± ¡°That was Nick! Nick¡¯s threw it up there!¡± ¡°Yeah, but it was your book¡ªthat makes it your fault. You threw it at me first.¡± ¡°Yeah, and if you tell on him, that makes you a snitch.¡± ¡°Yeah, he doesn¡¯t even have to tell, it¡¯s your book, retard, so you¡¯re in trouble.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m not!¡± ¡°Whatever. Rain¡¯s gonna wash it away anyways, it¡¯s probably not even a big deal. Right?¡± ¡°Books don¡¯t wash away, retard.¡± ¡°Uh, yeah they do, retard¡ªbooks are just made outta paper.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t wash paper. Words wash off, but the paper just gets wet and stays.¡± ¡°So what happens then? It gets... moldy?¡± ¡°That¡¯s food. If books got moldy, how are there libraries, stupid.¡± ¡°Oh yeah, libraries.¡± ¡°What do you know? You just¡ª¡± ¡°Wait, so if we leave it up there long enough all the pages will go blank?¡± ¡°Libraries are dumb.¡± ¡°You¡¯re dumb!¡± ¡°Hey, sssh!¡± ¡°Ssshhh!¡± ¡°You sssh!¡± ¡°Boys,¡± Grandma Laurie silenced them all with a single stern word. She put a finger to her lips with one hand and waved them closer forward with the other, lowering her voice. ¡°I told you Tabitha got hurt yesterday, at school? That a boy came up and pushed her from behind?¡± All four of them nodded seriously, feeling everything else but anger drain away at the reminder. ¡°Today, someone stole one of her books,¡± Grandma Laurie revealed in a quiet voice. ¡°She¡¯s had enough¡ª she left right in the middle of class, and I brought her here. She¡¯s sleeping now on the sofa, but I want all four of you boys to be absolutely quiet and not do anything to wake her up. She¡¯s hurting, she¡¯s had a terrible day, a terrible week, and she needs to rest some until she¡¯s feeling all better. Do you understand?¡± They turned to each other, unified in sharing the same look¡ªfury and disbelief. Now the other high schoolers were even stealing from Tabitha? Why weren¡¯t they getting in trouble for this? ¡°It¡¯s not fair,¡± Joshua spat. ¡°Sssh,¡± Sam admonished him with a glare. ¡°Quiet for Tabitha.¡± ¡°We¡¯re outside,¡± Nick whispered. ¡°She can¡¯t even hear.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± Sam insisted back in a whisper. ¡°Quiet.¡± ¡°I know it¡¯s not fair,¡± Grandma Laurie sighed, tousling Joshua¡¯s hair. ¡°But you boys behave today, okay? I¡¯m going to take apart the sleeve of her Ariel dress so she can fit her cast through it... and maybe she¡¯ll still be up for taking you trick-or-treating on Saturday. Alright?¡± ¡°She didn¡¯t even get to try it on¡­¡± ¡°Sssh!¡± ¡°Sorry, geez. She didn¡¯t, though.¡± ¡°Sssh!¡± ¡°No, YOU sshh!¡± One by one, they tiptoed across the porch and held their breath when Grandma Laurie gently turned the knob and opened the door with exaggerated care. They followed her inside, slowly sneaking into an unusually dark living room where all the curtains had been closed. They couldn¡¯t help but gawk with interest at the sleeping Tabitha, and Aiden clamped a hand over Joshua¡¯s mouth in warning. She was curled up on the sofa, half-covered by one of their grandmother¡¯s throw blankets. Her tangle of red hair was flipped back from her serene face, there were dark circles under her eyes, and her left hand¡ªnow in a blue cast covered in cool swirly designs¡ªwas carefully resting on the cushion just by her cheek. Tabitha was always their awesome action star hero, the strange athletic big sister figure who was cool and a little scary and always looked out for them. For the first time now she looked beautiful in a girl way to them, wounded, vulnerable and tragic like a fallen princess. The sight evoked hitherto-unknown feelings of raw outrage from deep within, and her cousins realized it once again in each other¡¯s eyes as they glared back and forth at one another. Not a word was exchanged, but they were completely united in thought. Each of the young cousins knew¡ªsomehow, someday, they were going to find who did this to their Tabitha, and make them pay. 22: Moore and Moore memories. Is it possible to boil broccoli for TOO long? Mrs. Moore pursed her lips thoughtfully. Everyone knows uncooked broccoli has dangerous things like arsenic in it, but I may have been a little... overzealous in boiling them a little EXTRA all the same. Just to be sure. When she endeavored to pick up the slack for them tonight and imitate Tabitha¡¯s healthy cooking, the results were¡­ underwhelming. Whatever she¡¯d done wrong cooking this chicken and broccoli, it was bland. It wasn¡¯t hard to imagine that her husband was measuring the pace of the unappetizing dinner with constant sips of water just for a little flavor. No one was touching the rather soggy-looking vegetables, which seemed to have begun to liquefy into grotesque green paste. The family shared an unspoken agreement to simply pretend they didn¡¯t exist, to tactfully not mention the too-mushy-looking broccoli florets and the way the stems drooped like runny noodles. ¡°Well, don¡¯t force yourself to eat it if you don¡¯t want to,¡± Mrs. Moore chided, gesturing at her daughter with her fork in exasperation. She¡¯d meant that to sound light-hearted and joking¡ªthe food really did look terrible¡ªbut she was honestly a little upset. Mrs. Moore considered herself no stranger to cooking, but she was also used to preparing meals like the good Lord intended, the way a normal person did. Using the microwave. ¡°No, I think¡­ I think I need to,¡± Tabitha said, frowning in determination. The girl seemed to be punishing herself by cutting the unseasoned chicken into absurdly tiny portions and working her way through them one by one. Shannon Moore wanted to put on an affronted look, but even after the nap Tabitha had taken at Grandma Laurie¡¯s place, the teenage girl seemed woozy, listless, and completely lacking in energy. The constant ordeals Tabitha had gone through in the past several days were putting Mrs. Moore on edge, and she couldn¡¯t help but cast fretful glances at the way her daughter cradled that awful cast against her body. ¡°Gonna drive up to the school tomorrow and see what they have to say for themselves,¡± Mr. Moore announced, taking another long draw of water. ¡°You did the right thing leavin¡¯ when you did, and I¡¯m proud of you. Want you to just concentrate on resting and feeling better for a few days, Sweetie.¡± ¡°I need to be doing all my exercises,¡± Tabitha said in a small voice. Alan looked like he was about to object, but Mrs. Moore silenced him with a fierce glare. ¡°Tabby, honey...¡± Mrs. Moore spoke up softly. ¡°I understand, I really do. But, you really do need to rest, just have a few days off without workin¡¯ yourself to death. You¡¯re not going to lose your figure just from skipping your routines for this little while, Sweetie. Your body needs to recover.¡± ¡°I¡ªI apologize, I failed to explain myself,¡± Tabitha said, staring down at her plate with bleary eyes as she picked at her food. ¡°The lack of proper exercise was affecting the quality of my sleep. Last night, I¡­¡± Tabitha trailed off with a frown and blinked, seeming to lose her train of thought, and Mrs. Moore shared a worried glance with her husband. This wasn¡¯t normal for their daughter at all. Not only was she defaulting again to what Alan had once described as auto-pilot Tabitha, where she seemed to retreat way back into her own mind and go through life with mechanical motions¡ªit seemed like even that was on the verge of shutting down. ¡°You look plenty tuckered out to me,¡± Mr. Moore said, sliding his chair out and rising from the table. ¡°Why don¡¯t we get you to bed, Sweetie?¡± ¡°I-I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tabitha choked up. The girl¡¯s eyes were wet, and she unsteadily stood and started gathering her plate with her single remaining hand. ¡°I¡¯ll put this in the tupperware.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve got nothin¡¯ to be sorry for¡ªyou leave it be,¡± Mr. Moore took Tabitha by the shoulders and gently guided her away from the table. ¡°We¡¯ll clean up. You go and get them teeth brushed and we¡¯ll get you settled, okay?¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha apologized again, retreating down the hall. Alan watched his daughter leave, then turned and gripped the back of his chair until the wood creaked, glaring vacantly across the table at nothing. When he finally sat down again, he did so heavily, looking like he¡¯d aged ten years over the course of the week. ¡°Sorry about dinner,¡± Mrs. Moore slid her plate away with the back of her hand, unable to keep up any pretense of interest in the meal. ¡°Don¡¯t you start, too,¡± Alan sighed, giving her a weak smile. ¡°Nothin¡¯ to be sorry for. It was fine.¡± ¡°You¡¯re full of shit,¡± Mrs. Moore shook her head in dismay. ¡°Really goes to show how spoiled we¡¯ve gotten with Tabby cooking, huh?¡± ¡°It was fine,¡± he chuckled, before holding his hands up defensively as she gave him a withering stare. ¡°Alright, alright. The chicken was¡­ a little dry.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Mrs. Moore said, appreciating the honesty if not the truth of the sentiment. Probably should¡¯ve just boiled the chicken breasts in with the broccoli instead of microwaving them. That¡¯s probably how she¡¯d¡¯ve done it. ¡°What are we going to do about Tabitha?¡± ¡°Well...¡± Mr. Moore stewed on his words for a moment. ¡°If she¡¯s set on withdrawing from school for good, I¡¯ve half a mind to let her. I was worried she might get picked on when she started senior high, because she¡¯s so¡­ different, but this whole nonsense going on is just¡­ it¡¯s completely beyond the pale. These other kids, they¡¯re goddamn animals. Who knows what they might get up to next?¡± Mrs. Moore shifted uncomfortably in her seat, remembering that icy spike of raw terror she¡¯d felt when she¡¯d heard about Tabitha getting pushed at school and needing to go to the hospital. That terror struck deep and then began to percolate over the past several days, disturbing all of those long-buried remembrances of her own trauma from all those years ago¡ªwhen the film producer had insisted on¡­ touching her. The way Tabitha¡¯s peers were mistreating her was already atrocious, but she was also growing into a lovely young girl¡ªthe horrible idea that bullying at school could possibly escalate to things like that made Mrs. Moore turn sick with rage. What happened on those studio sets all those years ago wasn¡¯t something she was ever prepared to discuss with her husband. She¡¯d been worrying herself into nervous fits over how to explain her current fear and paranoia to him without sounding like a crazy person. ¡°I don¡¯t want her at that school,¡± Mrs. Moore finally admitted. ¡°We need to have a talk with her about it tomorrow,¡± Mr. Moore rubbed a hand across the stubble along his jaw. ¡°She does have friends there. Think it needs to be her decision, and we¡¯ll havta support her no matter what she decides. She¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s just so damned smart that it scares me, and I hate thinkin¡¯ of her bein¡¯ here at home instead of out getting a proper school education.¡± Mrs. Moore bit her tongue. She wanted to argue that her Tabitha would thrive with or without school simply because of her single-minded focus and drive for improvement, but she knew that the feeling was mostly likely just her bias as a mother. ¡°There¡¯s¡­ there¡¯s somethin¡¯ else I haven¡¯t told you,¡± Mr. Moore sighed. ¡°Promised Tabby I wouldn¡¯t, but¡­ I think it¡¯s a part of all this goin¡¯ on, think it¡¯s important.¡± Shannon Moore felt herself go stiff with fear, and her grip on the edge of the table tightened until her knuckles went completely white. ¡°This past summer, Tabby didn¡¯t fall off of that trampoline jumper,¡± her husband revealed. ¡°Those Taylor girls, they pushed her. Threatened to make her pay if she told anyone, really put a scare into her. But, she told me. Made me swear not to say anything. She was blubbering and wailing and completely beside herself¡ªI had to promise her.¡± ¡°What,¡± Mrs. Moore bit out. ¡°I was still gonna look into it anyways,¡± Mr. Moore tried to explain. ¡°Maybe go talk to the parents of those girls. But, then¡­¡± He shook his head in disbelief. ¡°Then it was like Tabby hit this critical mass, this¡­ this point way out past her hysteria an¡¯ breakin¡¯ down and something changed inside of her. I keep wanting to think it was such a¡­ I don¡¯t have the words for it. Such a transformation, that it put the fritz on that MRI machine, like the thing just didn¡¯t know what to make of the goings-on in her head that night at all. Maybe nobody but Tabitha knows. ¡°She fainted dead away in there. When we got her out of there and she came to, she wasn¡¯t sobbin¡¯ and caterwaulin¡¯ like when she got in. She came out, and she was so calm, cold, distant, there was this¡­ this patient sense of¡­ I don¡¯t know, purpose to her. You know how she was, that night I brought her home from that. How she¡¯s been. It¡¯s like, whatever happened, whatever decision she came to that night, she looks around now and sees everything with these new eyes, this completely different perspective.¡± Mrs. Moore remembered the strange new Tabitha glancing across the dinner table in surprise all those months ago. ¡®Oh? You didn¡¯t know? Everyone calls me tubby Tabby. They always have. I¡¯ve been made fun of for being fat and smelling bad my whole life.¡¯ ¡°She was being bullied, all along,¡± Mrs. Moore realized, filling with emotion at how stupid she¡¯d been. ¡°All this time. She tried to tell us¡ªshe tried to tell us, and I couldn¡¯t even listen. Said they were calling her tubby Tabby, back then. Didn¡¯t she!¡± All this time, I thought it must¡¯ve been Grandma Laurie. But, it wasn¡¯t¡ªTabby was DRIVEN to this, she was pushed to this point, Mrs. Moore covered her face as she began to cry, sagging forward over the dinner table. How totally fucking stuck on myself could I have even been to ever think she was trying to spite me somehow?! This all, this was never about her seeing the album, or thinking I was keeping her from her potential. She NEEDED to change, living as who she used to be was BREAKING HER. Just like being who I was broke me, Shannon Moore sobbed. This whole stupid tragic story played out for my life, and now it¡¯s playing right back over itself in reverse for Tabitha. Why can¡¯t it all just¡ªwhat do I have to do to put a STOP to this?
Tabitha always steamed the broccoli. Why did I try to boil it? When Shannon Moore sat up abruptly at two AM in the morning to a mobile home of still silence, it felt like her mind was more clear than it¡¯d ever been in her whole life¡ªit was just like she imagined Tabitha had felt coming home from that concussion this past summer. Like she¡¯d been reborn. The bewildering realizations, epiphanies, and misunderstandings had crashed through her for hours last night like a hurricane, displacing, uprooting, and even destroying the stagnant, ingrained mindset that had become her own prison. Everything after sitting at the dinner table was a blur¡ªshe remembered weeping and weeping beyond her husband¡¯s ability to console her, and her muffled tears and choked cries didn¡¯t stop until long after he¡¯d managed to bring her to bed. When¡¯s the last time we all WENT somewhere, just to get away from it all? Mrs. Moore glanced around the dark, increasingly claustrophobic enclosure of the trailer¡¯s master bedroom. Taken family pictures together, made new memories? What have I been DOING here, besides being miserable and petty and waiting to die? What¡¯s been the point? I could go out and start looking for a job¡ªwe could use the extra income. Why did we even stay in this trailer park for so goddamn long? Want us all to go somewhere tomorrow, DO something together. Tabby¡¯s writing that story of hers¡ªI want to read it. That blue album I had hidden away¡­ I¡¯d forgotten, but there were GOOD memories in there, too. So many of them¡ªI want to actually go through and share them all with her. How have I been living? She turned the covers carefully so as not to wake her husband, and slipped out of bed. In the fourteen years she¡¯d spent holed up in this mobile home, she¡¯d never before felt so restless, and as she crept down the narrow hallway and through their tiny kitchen she found herself staring at all the once-familiar odds-and-ends and random detritus of their time here and seeing nothing but a life never lived. Tabitha was doing stretches at first. Going on walks. Sit-ups and things like that, she had a whole chart drawn up. I wonder if she still has it? It didn¡¯t seem like enough. Shannon Moore whirled in place, looking around at the now-stifling walls with a sense of dread. The only reason the tiny chamber of space barely resembled a home at all was because Tabitha had taken down the blankets blocking out the sunlight, then scrubbed the mildew off the ceiling, repositioned the aging furniture, and cleaned the carpet so thoroughly. How have I been such a fool, all this time? I want to wake Tabitha up, just to tell her how much I love her.
Tabitha woke up confused and completely disoriented. It took her several moments blinking herself back to full awareness to figure out when she was, who she was, and she still needed to sit up in bed and clutch at the rigid encumbrance of the cast on her left hand to be completely sure. It had been another strange dream¡ªor maybe more accurately described as a very dull nightmare. She¡¯d been seated at the row of bartack stations at the safety plant, working on some order, but filled with a strange sort of gnawing dread. Afraid that someone would notice she didn¡¯t belong there, that someone would find out she was lying about being from the future. It made no rational sense, because she only ever worked at the plant in her mid and late-thirties, which was in the future. Also¡ªshe wasn¡¯t lying to herself about being from the future. If she was making it all up, how would she even have memories of the safety plant at all? ...Right? Tabitha blearily ran a hand over her face. Unfortunately, the logical parts of her mind that would have immediately worked that out had apparently been sound asleep, leaving her subconsciousness to experience the dreary dream while disarmed of reason. Ugh, the safety plant¡­ Tabitha remembered, making a disgusted face. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Since crossing over into the past, she¡¯d hardly put any thought at all into her time spent at the plant. There were possibly aspects she could take advantage of there using her future knowledge and experience¡ªbut they were rendered moot, because she didn¡¯t ever want to work there again. It had paid well, but the production floor was noisy, it smelled terrible, and assembling safety harnesses for eight hour shifts was unbelievably monotonous tedium. Plus, I hated everyone there, Tabitha mused, as she slipped out of bed. And they all hated each other. The floor of her tiny room was incredibly cold as she got dressed¡ªfuzzy wool socks, sweatpants, the undershirt she¡¯d slept in, and an oversized sweatshirt borrowed from her father. She felt more than a bit lost forgoing both her normal preparations for school as well as her usual morning workout routine. Now without even her Goblina outline to focus on for a welcome distraction, she couldn¡¯t help but feel frustrated and directionless. She needed all the distractions she could get, right now. Okay. Safety plant. Safety harnesses. I¡¯ve¡­ admittedly been trying real hard not to think about them. Rolling back the large sweatshirt sleeve from her cast, she uselessly tried to dig and wiggle a fingertip down the back of her cast towards a persistent tickling itch. The itch taunted her, remaining just barely out of reach. Like many of her future memories, her time working at the production plant just didn¡¯t seem useful here in 1998¡ªshe¡¯d acquired a number of skills there, but they weren¡¯t pertinent to the life she wanted to lead now. Tabitha knew how to use the cut table to measure and mark nylon material, and the pressurized hot knife to separate nylon pieces and sear the ends to keep them from fraying. She was proficient in operating several different kinds of industrial sewing machines for sewing leather pieces to nylon webbing, and could use the rivet machines to affix leather pieces together. Which is great, okay, Tabitha grumbled to herself. But what do I DO with all that? As a storyteller¡ªand particularly as someone experiencing something as fantastical as being sent back in time¡ªshe sometimes found herself obsessing over everything in terms of narrative meaning. Each aspect of her past life, even her time at the safety plant, should have been an element that contributed a purpose to her overall story as a whole. Is that really all just wishful thinking, or¡­ Tabitha frowned, stumbling out of her room and down to the bathroom. Maybe sunk cost fallacy, driving me to look for a purpose, where there is none? To tell myself that it wasn¡¯t ALL a total waste of life? Almost five years of her previous life in the two thousand twenties had been spent filling orders for different models of harnesses for lineworkers¡ªbut, none of them would have the same specifications back here in the late nineties. The exact measurements and methods of putting together all of the harnesses updated constantly, and they¡¯d often required her to swap out material data sheets in the workstation books for each of them. Multiple times, every year. Future safety innovations introduced here would potentially save a lot of lives, but they largely relied on technological advancements she had no way of replicating: improved materials that made for tighter, stronger weaves of nylon webbing, rigorously tested new configurations of harness, and bartack machines programmed to spit out complex stitching patterns in seconds, rather than needing to be manually¡ªpainstakingly¡ªsewn in with the heavy-duty machines. The job was impossibly boring, yet any momentary lapse in concentration, the machine jamming up mid-stitch, or other simple human error could easily foul up the process and become an aggravating setback. I could POSSIBLY introduce the basic concept behind the shock-absorbing stitch to one of the engineers there, Tabitha thought as she washed her face and then started brushing her teeth. It¡¯s incredibly simple, and got worked into all the harnesses while I was there. But, in what universe would a guy with an engineering degree listen to the ideas of some dumb thirteen-year-old girl? ESPECIALLY regarding safety products customers are going to be relying on. Doubt Mrs. Crow¡ªerr, Mrs. Macintire will even be there in the office this life. Why would she, if her first husband lives, this time through¡ª ¡°Tabitha?¡± Her mother yelled from the other side of the trailer. ¡°Do I hear you up and about?¡± There was something¡­ different about her mother¡¯s voice, and Tabitha paused in the middle of brushing her teeth, staring blankly at herself in the mirror for a moment as she tried to puzzle out what was off. She sounds almost¡­ chipper? Growing concerned, Tabitha quickly spit into the sink and rinsed out her mouth. ¡°I¡¯m awake,¡± Tabitha called. ¡°Can you come out here, please?¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha lurched to a stop just at the end of the hallway. ¡°Hello.¡± ¡°Good morning,¡± There was a woman seated at the kitchen table with her mother, and she was already rising out of her seat to introduce herself. ¡°I¡¯m Pamela Cribb, and I¡¯m here on behalf of the school board.¡± ¡°It¡¯s... a pleasure to meet you,¡± Tabitha found herself mechanically moving forward to shake the woman¡¯s hand. ¡°May I call you Mrs. Cribb?¡± ¡°Oh, anything¡¯s fine,¡± Mrs. Cribb laughed with a careless wave. Is this¡­ not an official visit? Tabitha might have expected one due to her abrupt departure from class yesterday¡ª but that didn¡¯t quite seem to be the case based on how informal the woman was being. ¡°I apologize¡ªam I interrupting?¡± Tabitha asked awkwardly. ¡°Or, did I keep you waiting on me?¡± ¡°Neither, neither,¡± the woman assured her. ¡°Please, come sit with us, whenever you¡¯re ready. I¡¯m glad you were able to get some rest, your mother was just telling¡ª¡± Mrs. Cribb stopped mid-sentence, sucking in a short breath at the sight of Tabitha¡¯s hand. ¡°My word, you¡¯re¡ªhoney, are you alright?¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha said quickly, embarrassed, starting to roll her sleeve back down over her cast and hand. ¡°I¡ªwasn¡¯t expecting we would have company.¡± ¡°Nonsense, come let us have a look at that,¡± Mrs. Cribb hurried to stop Tabitha and then guided the girl to the table, even pulling out the chair for her. ¡°Is it hurting, or, ah, do you have enough circulation?¡± ¡°It¡¯s... fine,¡± Tabitha explained, fidgeting beneath the sudden and intense scrutiny. Last night, a mottled and somewhat sickly shade of yellow had become noticeable along her mostly immobilized pinky and ring finger, but by now darker purplish-blue shades were becoming apparent along her skin. ¡°Just the bruise spreading.¡± ¡°This looks like it¡¯s too tight¡ªyour fingers are all swollen,¡± Mrs. Cribb fretted, carefully turning Tabitha¡¯s cast over to examine it. ¡°Is this hurting?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ um,¡± Tabitha tried to hide her discomfort. ¡°I have codeine tablets for three more days. I¡¯ll have one with breakfast. I just... need to keep my hand elevated for a bit after waking up¡ªand not bump into anything.¡± ¡°Of course, of course,¡± Mrs. Cribb withdrew her hands, looking troubled. ¡°I¡¯m sorry you had to see that,¡± Tabitha carefully rolled the sleeve back up over her cast and hand. ¡°No, no, it¡¯s¡­¡± Mrs. Cribb looked like she was at a loss. ¡°Could I offer you anything to drink?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Mother, as we have a guest¡ªmay I turn the thermostat up to sixty?¡± ¡°Oh no, I¡¯m fine,¡± Mrs. Cribb said. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about me.¡± ¡°Sixty sounds perfect,¡± Mrs. Moore gave the woman from the school board an apologetic look. ¡°Normally, we¡ª¡± ¡°Please, please, don¡¯t worry about me,¡± Mrs. Cribb repeated. ¡°I don¡¯t mean to impose at all. Tabitha, I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m sure you know why I¡¯m here?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha nodded sadly, finally slipping back into her seat at the table. ¡°I was¡­ distraught yesterday when I left school, and remiss in acquiring whatever paperwork might be necessary for my withdrawal from the school system. I¡¯m prepared to justify any absences in the short term while I withdraw, and I¡¯d like to seek accreditation for home schooling before I can be declared truant. I imagine you, or someone else on the school board, could help expedite that process.¡± Speechless, Mrs. Cribb turned her wide-eyed stare from Tabitha to Mrs. Moore. ¡°She¡¯s like that when she¡¯s stressed, and¡­ she¡¯s been under a lot of stress,¡± Mrs. Moore sighed. ¡°I do agree with her, though.¡± ¡°Well, before I say anything at all, I¡¯d like to return this to you,¡± Mrs. Cribb said, reaching down to a bag beside her purse and drawing out¡ª My story notes! Surges of surprise and relief had her standing up so abruptly that Tabitha¡¯s chair nearly toppled over, and when Mrs. Cribb passed it to her, she found her good hand sagging beneath the familiar weight of her blue binder. Relief fell over her like a curtain of exhaustion, and she dropped back down into her chair heavily, hugging the binder tightly against her chest. It was stupid to start crying over such a little thing, but she did anyways. The story outline had at some point become a treasure she¡¯d taken for granted, never appreciating what it was to her until it was suddenly and unexpectedly gone. Goblina and Goblin Princess had been good but never great, in her past life. Revisiting them in this one had become an endeavor equal parts new perspective and enthusiastic inspiration¡ªmany parts she had little confidence in attempting to recreate while in her current mental state. ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha choked out, not daring to look up. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Moore spoke up with forced cheer in her voice. ¡°Let¡¯s get some food in you¡ªwhat can I make you for breakfast?¡± ¡°Wh-whatever I had leftover from last night is fine,¡± Tabitha managed, trying not to sound alarmed. Mom¡­ making breakfast? ¡°Oh,¡± Her mother had the decency to sound embarrassed. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, sweetie¡ªyour father and I¡ªwe finished up all of the leftovers.¡± Either thrown out as completely inedible, or she¡¯s too ashamed to have this lady from the school board see the state of her broccoli, Tabitha surmised, suppressing a hapless laugh. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°If the other half of my banana is still on the refrigerator door, that will be more than enough for me.¡± ¡°Are you sure?¡± Mrs. Moore sounded disappointed as she stood with the fridge door open. ¡°I¡¯m sure I can whip up¡­ something?¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, but thank you.¡± To Tabitha¡¯s amusement, their entire exchange seemed to make their visitor Mrs. Cribb visibly uncomfortable. Especially when the half banana¡ªits peel browned enough to be blackened on one side¡ªwas placed atop a napkin in front of her, along with a small glass of water and her bottle of pills. ¡°One of your classmates took your book there while you were distracted,¡± Mrs. Cribb revealed. ¡°Clarissa Dole¡ªshe snuck it out when asking for a bathroom break, and tossed it in the trash can of the nearby ladies room. She¡¯s been suspended, pending an expulsion hearing this coming Monday after Halloween¡ªalong with Chris Thompson, Kaylee Mendolson, Brittany Taylor, and Erica Taylor.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha blinked as she tried to wipe away the last of her tears with her good hand. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I don¡¯t know who Clarissa or Kaylee are.¡± ¡°Clarissa¡¯s in your fifth period class, she admitted to stealing your notebook. The Kaylee girl was guilty of spreading that malicious rumor regarding you and Mr. Simmons.¡± ¡°Malicious... rumor?¡± Mrs. Moore¡¯s expression darkened. ¡°Yes, given the intent behind it¡ª Mr. Simmons could have lost his job¡ªand in light of the current circumstances, Kaylee will now be up for expulsion, as well,¡± Mrs. Cribb frowned. ¡°Tabitha¡­ I¡¯m very, very sorry for everything that you¡¯ve been put through. The school board will also have a formal apology for you after the hearing, I¡¯ll expect. Springton High¡¯s administration acted too little, too late, or not at all in situations which should have been immediately addressed with their full attention. ¡°You¡¯re an extremely brilliant young girl, and several of your teachers have recommended we advance you up a grade level. I¡¯m told that the freshman curriculum simply isn¡¯t challenging you. We very much want you to continue at Springton High, and we¡¯re doing everything in our power to make sure it becomes a completely safe environment for you to learn. Would you be interested in returning after a short break, possibly as a sophomore?¡± ¡°No, I¡ªno, I¡¯m not brilliant,¡± Tabitha denied, shaking her head in firm refusal. ¡°It¡¯s just that¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Cribb interrupted softly, ¡°I read through what you have in that book¡ªI was very surprised to discover that Mrs. Albertson wasn¡¯t aware of your project. Please believe me when I say that you are, in fact, brilliant.¡± ¡°You¡­ read it?¡± Tabitha looked completely mortified. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m sorry if it seems like an invasion of privacy, but¡­¡± Mrs. Cribb shook her head. ¡°Honestly, I¡¯m still just completely stunned. What you¡¯ve compiled there is well beyond what I was capable of as a college graduate¡ªand I majored in Education. If you¡¯ll allow it, I¡¯d really like you to share it with some of the better minds in Springton High¡¯s English department, so that we can find the best teacher for you¡ªwhatever grade level that ends up being.¡± ¡°You¡­ um. What did you think?¡± Tabitha asked in a timid voice, furrowing her brows. ¡°When you read it.¡± ¡°Oh, would you like to discuss it?¡± Mrs. Cribb smiled. ¡°There¡¯s quite a bit I¡¯d love to talk about, if you have time.¡± ¡°I¡­¡± Tabitha stopped and stared at the tabletop for a long moment. ¡°I need to think about that, I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m not sure if you could tell, but¡­ I want to turn this into fiction.¡± ¡°Yes, it¡¯s one of the most outstanding¡ª¡± ¡°No, no. I mean,¡± Tabitha quickly interrupted. ¡°Some of what¡¯s most important to the story is... what isn¡¯t written in here. What I¡¯ve been going through, the ways people have treated me, it¡¯s not fiction, but I¡¯ve been, I¡¯m trying to, um. This project is to turn all of that into fiction. It¡¯s... a very personal project.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so sorry!¡± Mrs. Cribb covered her mouth in shock and alarm, turning to Mrs. Moore and only seeing confusion and worry on the woman¡¯s features. ¡°I hadn¡¯t even thought to look at your narrative from that perspective. Of course, it makes so much sense that... oh, Tabitha I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m so sorry.¡± ¡°Thank you for returning it to me,¡± Tabitha said in a slow voice, gripping the binder even more tightly. ¡°I¡­ I really didn¡¯t know what I was going to do without it. This book, it¡¯s more than just a coping mechanism, it¡¯s¡­ I can¡¯t explain how important this is to me.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so glad we were able to find it!¡± Mrs. Cribb admitted, putting a hand to her chest and looking more anxious than ever. ¡°How about you stay on a leave of absence¡ªrest as much as you need, spend some time recovering¡ªuntil after these expulsion hearings, and then we can meet up again and discuss what you¡¯d like to do?¡± ¡°Please,¡± Tabitha nodded in agreement. ¡°I¡¯d like that. Thank you again for returning it.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Mrs. Cribb hesitated. ¡°I almost hate to ask, but¡­ several of these girls who were bullying you, they had some unexpectedly serious¡­ enmity towards you that I found myself just baffled by. Tabitha¡­ do you have any idea where all of this started?¡± The muck of guilt mired deep in her subconscious seemed to suck at Tabitha¡¯s feet again, inviting her deeper, but she had to try. Maybe they would believe her, maybe there was enough gravity to the circumstances that they would really dig into this, and maybe, just maybe, this wouldn¡¯t all rebound back on an innocent girl in terrible retribution. Tabitha couldn¡¯t even remember the face of the childhood friend she¡¯d abandoned, but seeing the discoloration creeping out from under her own cast certainly brought to mind what she did remember. It was long past time to swallow her fears and come clean, forty-seven years past time. I¡¯m not afraid of the bullying anymore. Even if I get hurt again, Tabitha¡¯s thoughts were whirling now, and her facade of forced calm began to unhinge itself as repressed things boiled up from deep within her. What terrifies me now is¡­ the thought of living with what I¡¯ve done¡ªwith what I failed to do¡ªall over again. The trailer I lived in, what I looked like, how people treated me¡ªnone of those things are what made me TRASH. Deep down, I¡¯ve always known what made me trash. ¡°There¡¯s¡­¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes watered, and she wet her lips as she struggled for the words she needed. ¡°There¡¯s a third Taylor sister.¡± ¡°A third Taylor sister?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha nodded, unable to look up at the woman. ¡°Ashlee Taylor. I was her friend. Was her friend. I¡ªI don¡¯t fucking get to call myself that anymore. She¡ªyou need to find her, please, I think she should have been a freshman with me but she isn¡¯t, I don¡¯t know where she is. Can¡¯t even picture her face anymore. I was her friend. She was in sixth and seventh grade with me. The same grade as me. She should have been. She, she¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha, honey¡ª¡± ¡°Find her, please, and¡ªcheck beneath her clothes,¡± Tabitha sobbed. ¡°Beneath her clothes, her back, um, under her shirt. Look for¡ªlook for bruises. I-I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s still going on, but¡ª¡± ¡°Excuse me,¡± Pamela Cribb shot to her feet with a horrified expression, shoving her chair back out of the way. ¡°Mrs. Moore¡ªI need to use your phone, right now.¡± 23: Trick-or-treating with everyone. Still cut a pretty poor protagonist, I guess, Tabitha sighed to herself. Which is¡­ unbelievably frustrating. Am I being melodramatic? Are the teenage hormones in control again? She couldn¡¯t help but feel that she¡¯d been incredibly self-centered and conceited to have expected anything else. This wasn¡¯t a teen novel where the police would insist she ride along in their car so that she could be part of the story resolution and see them rush to Ashlee¡¯s rescue or make some sort of dramatic arrest. In the real world, events simply didn¡¯t revolve around thirteen year old girls, and she was to have no further involvement¡ªthe adults handling the situation hadn¡¯t even thought to tell her what was going on, or what was being done. What seemed like this intense personal watershed moment for Tabitha as a person didn¡¯t elicit much of the same reaction from everyone else. Mrs. Cribb had spoken over their phone with someone in a rather heated discussion for several minutes, and said her goodbyes shortly afterwards. Just like before with the shooting incident, Tabitha felt like she was out of the loop; like things went personally unresolved. She wasn¡¯t privy to what was going on, and despite asking, information stubbornly remained beyond her reach. Just focus on resting and recovering, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but scowl at the response they gave her. Sharing the details about her guilt regarding Ashlee with her mother afterward hadn¡¯t gone like Tabitha expected, either. Mrs. Moore didn¡¯t seem to get it, didn¡¯t seem to see any issue with her neglecting to speak up. Well, of course you wouldn¡¯t, her mother had tried to console her. Tabitha¡ªthey were threatening to hurt you girls! Tabitha didn¡¯t know how to feel about that. Everyone else would naturally treat her as if she was this naive young girl, but she wasn¡¯t, not exactly, and there wasn¡¯t any way to explain her own obligation to hold herself to a higher standard. It was an uncomfortable situation, exacerbated by how strange her mother was acting now. The woman was¡­ different. Friendlier, motivated even, she did a loop walking around the neighborhood with Tabitha in the mornings, and asked for assistance in learning some basic daily exercises. In the dismal days that followed, however, Tabitha felt listless and emotionally empty, going through all of the motions of a somewhat normal life without much spirit. Then Saturday finally arrived, and nine different people showed up to see her.
¡°Sit there and stay there,¡± Grandma Laurie warned the boys as they trooped into the trailer past her. She pointed sternly at the sofa in the Moore¡¯s living room. ¡°I hear one more foul word¡ªfrom any of you hooligans¡ªand you can forget about trick or treating this year!¡± ¡°Have they not been behaving?¡± Tabitha asked with a wry smile, sharing a look with her mother. For trick-or-treating, the four cousins were dressed in the brightly-colored winterwear of the main cast from South Park, and from their silence and stiff expressions it seemed as though they¡¯d already gotten themselves into trouble. The only one of them Tabitha could identify with any certainty was the youngest, Joshua, who wore the orange hoodie¡ªthe meme character Kenny who died every episode. The other ones are¡­ Cartman, Eric, and¡­? She drew a blank what the last character¡¯s name might be. Having never actually watched the show herself, everything she knew about it was gleaned by cultural osmosis, and she considered her partial recollection to be not too shabby. ¡°Apparently, that South Park cartoon isn¡¯t for children,¡± Grandma Laurie sounded exasperated. ¡°They used to sit and watch it with their mother, so I thought it must be okay¡ªbut, it¡¯s not okay, it¡¯s just this¡­ mindless, absolute filth!¡± Seems to fit perfectly with what I remember about Aunt Lisa, Tabitha refrained from wincing, instead schooling her expression into a tacit look of sympathy for Grandma Laurie¡¯s difficult position. ¡°What did they dress as last year?¡± Mrs. Moore asked. ¡°The Beatles? I remember they wore those handsome little suits.¡± ¡°Men in black,¡± Grandma Laurie shook her head. ¡°Whatever that is. Shining those little toy laser wands in everyone¡¯s faces the whole night, ¡®till I took the batteries away.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no lasers this year, at least,¡± Tabitha reassured her with a slight smile. ¡°I¡¯ll look after them, Grandma.¡± ¡°Well, I wish I¡¯d known about this South Park earlier, then they wouldn¡¯t be wearing these,¡± Grandma Laurie griped. ¡°It¡¯s not even a proper cartoon! They¡¯re paper doll cutouts, and all they do is swear at each other and make vulgar jokes. I want to get the boys watching proper cartoons like Felix the Cat, Porky Pig, and Betty Boop, but I can¡¯t find tapes for them anywhere.¡± ¡°...I¡¯ll talk with them about it,¡± Tabitha promised, looking at each of the boys in turn. ¡°I know of a few series that¡ª¡± A knock at the door interrupted. Perplexed, Tabitha crossed over to the door and cautiously opened it, revealing her friend Elena. The tall blonde was dressed rather conspicuously in black slacks and a long-sleeved black shirt... and nervously glancing around the area as though she were a cat burglar. ¡°Hi!¡± Elena said, stepped forward to grab the surprised Tabitha in a quick hug. ¡°We missed you this week! Did Alicia talk to you about trick or treating? Is she here yet?¡± ¡°Hi!¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°No? Er, were you guys wanting to¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, we definitely are,¡± Elena nodded, hefting up a large handbag. ¡°Got everything here. Mom¡¯s waiting out in the van, though. Um... is it cool if she talks to your mother?¡± ¡°Uh¡ª¡± Tabitha began. ¡°I¡¯ll go out and see her,¡± Mrs. Moore had already overheard, patting Tabitha on the head. ¡°I invited some of your friends, Tabitha. Thank you so much for coming, Elena.¡± ¡°Thank you having us, Mrs. Moore,¡± Elena said politely. Mom¡ªwhat? Tabitha was stunned enough to be unable to process the news immediately. You invited my friends? Wait, WHAT? It was great news, and she was thrilled, but the surprise came so far out of left field that she was blindsided into wide-eyed silence. Her mother was a reclusive and bitter woman. Or, at least¡ªshe was, she used to be. Mrs. Moore certainly wasn¡¯t someone who took the initiative to make social calls on her daughter¡¯s behalf. Did¡­ did something I do accidentally set this off? Tabitha struggled to come to terms and adjust to the new outlook. Is this really all just from agreeing to let her teach me to be an actress? We only even did practice exercises twice since I withdrew from school! ¡°Tabitha?¡± Grandma Laurie called over from the bathroom. ¡°Tabitha honey, we need to get started on your hair!¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha remained flabbergasted. ¡°Go ahead!¡± Elena said with a smile, stepping over into the living room to set down her bag. ¡°Joshua. Nicholas. Aiden. Samuel. Very cool costumes, guys! I¡¯ll be taking over the trick-or-treating mission this year, so I¡¯d like to begin our strategy meeting.¡± The Moore household had never had so many people visiting all at once, and Tabitha was able to persuade Grandma Laurie to instead plug in the straightening iron and set up her bag of hair products in the kitchen, so as not to inconvenience anyone needing to use their bathroom. Standing as still as she could in front of the kitchen sink, Tabitha watched over the counter in amazement as Elena managed to gather the four cousins into an obedient huddle. ¡°Okay! We are here right now,¡± Elena unfolded a black and white photocopy of a Springton map on their coffee table, and was marking notations on it in pink, blue, and yellow highlighter. ¡°The playground where we had that game of tag is over¡­ here. By these streets. Can one of you show me where you live?¡± ¡°Here,¡± Sam, wearing a red sweatshirt and a blue-and-yellow ski cap tapped a finger at the map. ¡°Grandma¡¯s place is right here.¡± ¡°Thank you! Now, I don¡¯t know what route you all had planned, but I¡¯d like to suggest the course I used to take back when I used to go trick or treating. Mom helped us plan a Springton route based on population density and median neighborhood income¡ªif no one dawdles, we should be able to hit these eleven different neighborhoods marked in yellow before people start turning off their lights!¡± This got¡­ unexpectedly serious? Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile as her Grandmother gently ran a comb through her hair. ¡°For this one, and this one, we¡¯re going to have to double back after getting to the end of a street,¡± Elena continued. ¡°Then, these three areas are too far apart for us on foot¡ªMom¡¯s going to follow us with the van to shuttle us across. Each of you should bring an extra pillowcase or grocery bag or something for candy. If our hauls are anything like Carrie and I got in ¡®95 and ¡®96... each of us should be filling two whole bags.¡± ¡°Two whole bags?!¡± ¡°Is that even possible?! ¡°Ohhh my gosh¡­ how many pounds is a bag?¡± ¡°Two bags of good candy?¡± Elena¡¯s apparent commitment to help them collect the largest volume of candy physically possible impressed the boys beyond measure, and none of them dreamed of questioning her sudden imposition of authority over their prior plans. Sam, Nick, and Aiden immediately swore oaths to follow Elena¡¯s every command for the night¡¯s mission, and each of them warned Joshua to never lag behind or complain about all the walking. I was going to divide up my spoils for the boys after each house, based on how well they listened to me, Tabitha watched them interact with her friend in amusement. My carrot and stick approach really can¡¯t hold a candle to Elena¡¯s. Then Grandma Laurie¡¯s hand carefully covered Tabitha¡¯s eyes, using enough hairspray on her to choke the trailer with the acrid smell of Aquanet. Ariel had voluminous, gravity-defying bangs that swept over her forehead from left to right, and a worn Little Mermaid Goldenbook was propped open in the dish strainer for constant picture references. Tabitha''s own hair was a more natural shade that was visually more orange than fire-engine red like Ariel¡¯s, and she was a little nervous about how the final look would come out. When Alicia and her mother arrived twenty minutes later, Grandma Laurie had already washed out and towel-dried Tabitha¡¯s hair in preparation for a second attempt, this time liberally using bobby pins before adding spray. Everyone was wowed by Alicia¡¯s entrance, and all four of the cousins leapt up from the couch to get a better look. ¡°Holy cow, Alicia,¡± Elena laughed. ¡°Is that what I think it is?¡± ¡°Are you¡­ from Star Wars?¡± Tabitha guessed, staring at her dark-skinned friend in surprise. ¡°I¡¯m Luke Skywalker, and I¡¯m here to rescue you!¡± Alicia flashed everyone a nervous smile. ¡°C¡¯mon, nobody laugh at me. Please.¡± Alicia¡¯s outfit was an orange jumpsuit with black boots and gloves, complete with all of the appropriate harness straps, air tubes, and sci-fi doodads instantly recognizable as a rebel pilot uniform from Star Wars. A toy lightsaber hung from the belt of her flight suit, and Alicia even carried a familiar pilot¡¯s helmet in the crook of her arm. ¡°That. Is. Awesome!¡± Joshua blurted out. ¡°I wish I was Luke,¡± Nick joined in. ¡°I wanna be Luke next year. Or Han Solo.¡± ¡°You watch Star Wars?!¡± Sam seemed shocked. ¡°My dad and I love Star Wars,¡± Alicia confided, looking a little relieved at their admiration. ¡°Which do you like better, Empire or Jedi?¡± Aiden demanded. ¡°Because Return of the Jedi is way betterer.¡± ¡°¡®Betterer¡¯ isn¡¯t a word, Aiden,¡± Tabitha corrected him in a soft voice. ¡°Oh, don¡¯t even get ¡®Licia started,¡± Alicia¡¯s mother laughed, rolling her eyes. ¡°Sorry we¡¯re late¡ªthe gloves and boots needed one more coat of spray paint. I wanted to make absolutely sure it all dried right before anything got traipsed into someone¡¯s carpet.¡± ¡°You made that?!¡± Elena asked, eyes going wide. ¡°Alicia¡ªthat¡¯s amazing.¡± ¡°Thanks! And yeah, kinda... sorta?¡± Alicia grinned, awkwardly tugging at her costume. ¡°Started out as this prison jumpsuit costume¡ªwhich dad didn¡¯t find funny at all, ¡®till I told him what we could turn it into. White flak vest¡¯s cut outta this old shirt I had, wearing my rain boots and some dishwashing gloves. Rest of it¡¯s all stuff from the junk drawer in the garage, put together with hot glue. The helmet¡¯s my dad¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s a Don Post replica. I helped repaint it, so it looks more like it does in the movie.¡± ¡°Can I see your lightsaber?¡± Joshua begged. ¡°No, can I see your lightsaber?¡± Aiden chimed in. ¡°I¡¯m sorry... but this is the weapon of a Jedi knight,¡± Alicia refused with a solemn face. ¡°An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.¡± ¡°Can I see your helmet?¡± Joshua tried. ¡°Nope!¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°Dad will actually murder me dead if I let anything happen to it. He already started digging a grave¡ªjust in case. He said he can have another daughter anytime, but he only has this one helmet.¡± ¡°Oh, stop,¡± Alicia¡¯s mother protested. ¡°It¡¯s a toy helmet. Damn thing just sits up on the shelf collecting dust.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t let him hear you say that, or there¡¯ll be two graves,¡± Alicia joked. ¡°Tabs, you are looking awesome! Did you get the dress to go with that, or are you goin¡¯ with the coconut bra tonight?¡± ¡°They were seashells!¡± Tabitha said with an indignant laugh. ¡°And no¡ªwe have the dress.¡± ¡°Shame,¡± Alicia snorted. ¡°And, Elena¡ªwhere¡¯s your costume?!¡± ¡°Mine¡¯s¡­ actually super lame,¡± Elena seemed to realize, gesturing towards her long-sleeved black shirt and black pants. ¡°I have cat ears, a tail, and a bit of face paint to put on for whiskers in my bag¡­ I was just gonna be a black cat. Is that too lame?¡± If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°It... doesn¡¯t have to be,¡± Alicia said, carefully passing the pilots helmet to her mother. ¡°Don¡¯t drop this! Elena, I mean, it won¡¯t be lame if I do your nose and whiskers. If that¡¯s cool?¡± ¡°I¡­ yeah?¡± Elena brightened. ¡°You¡¯d do that?¡± ¡°Are we friends?¡± Alicia challenged. ¡°...Yeah?¡± Elena sounded more hopeful than confident. ¡°Then, duh,¡± Alicia smirked, looking around to size up each of the cousins. ¡°I suppose you boys must be Tabitha¡¯s warrior tribe? Elena, if you have a kit with white paint, I can draw them up big round South Park eyes on their faces.¡± After a round of belated introductions while Alicia was crouched down in front of half of those crowded into the living room to apply face paint, Grandma Laurie finished fussing with Tabitha¡¯s hair with a final tie of the enormous blue bow and declared her perfect. She was shooed off to her bedroom to put on her Ariel dress, where she finally got a look at her enormous¡ªalbeit impressive¡ªLittle Mermaid hair in her bedroom mirror. This is just¡­ amazing! When she returned, she received a heartwarming round of oohs and aahs as everyone praised her look. Elena now wore impressive feline facepaint, with a painted pink nose adorning the tip of her actual nose, a slender downward line that connected to her upper lip, and a series of dots artfully clustered on the inside of her cheeks that spread out to beautifully painted whiskers along the outside. In contrast, the four boys looked absolutely ridiculous with enormous South Park eyes that took up most of their faces. The Rebel Pilot helmet looked a little too big and out-of-proportion when Alicia actually wore it, but everyone agreed her outfit was the most impressive of all. ¡°Pictures, pictures!¡± Alicia¡¯s mother insisted, pulling a Kodak disposable camera out of her purse. ¡°C¡¯mon, everyone, get together.¡± ¡°Um¡ª¡± Tabitha glanced around nervously. ¡°Is¡­ my mother still outside?¡± ¡°I think they¡¯re all still talkin¡¯ out there, your daddy just pulled in the drive,¡± Grandma Laurie said, stepping over to lean out the open door¡ªwhile it was a brisk late October afternoon, the hairspray fumes had been a little too strong. ¡°Alan! Get yer butt in here, we¡¯re taking pictures!¡± ¡°Pictures?¡± He called back. ¡°Hold up, wait for me!¡± Mr. Moore appeared in the doorway and took in the strange gathering with a big smile. The moment he caught sight of his daughter, he made a tossing motion, lobbing what looked like a yellow pillow towards her in an underhand throw. Surprised, Tabitha clumsily fumbled it between her hand and her cast, dropping the thing before she could grab it. A boy darted forward beneath her hands and caught it before it hit the ground. ¡°Thank you, Aiden,¡± Tabitha said sheepishly, accepting the pillow to take closer look¡ªit was a large stuffed plush doll in the shape of a familiar large-eyed yellow guppy with blue markings. ¡°Oh my God¡ªit¡¯s Flounder!¡± Elena exclaimed. ¡°That¡¯s so cute!¡± ¡°Coworker ¡®cross town mentioned his kids had it,¡± Alan said proudly. ¡°Glad I caught you girls before you headed out! You girls all look lovely¡ªer, Miss Alicia, are you from Star Wars?¡± ¡°I¡¯m Luke Skywalker,¡± Alicia answered with a beaming smile. ¡°You look great,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°Boys, good to see you all again. Mrs. Brooks, thank you so much for comin¡¯ on out.¡± ¡°It¡¯s my pleasure!¡± Alicia¡¯s mother replied. ¡°You¡¯re just in time for pictures!¡± Her four cousins crouched down in a row on their knees to better emulate the squat forms of their South Park characters, and then Tabitha was jostled back and forth until it was decided she would be situated in the center. Elena in her kitty-cat makeup stood on one side of her, and Alicia in the orange pilot uniform posed on the other side, flicking out the toy lightsaber to extend the blue plastic blade. Hugging the Flounder pillow tightly against her chest and looking into the camera lense with a bashful smile¡ªTabitha didn¡¯t think she¡¯d ever been so happy in her life.
¡°Trick or treat!¡± Tabitha joined in saying as yet another door opened. ¡°Holy guacamole, look at you all!¡± the woman said, taken aback by the small crowd at her doorstep. They¡¯d arrived in full force, with the four boys packed in close and the taller girls arrayed behind them on the porch stoop of a suburban Springton home¡ª the fifty or sixtieth of the fourth neighborhood they were canvassing. It was fun, in an exhilarating but somehow embarrassing way that still had Tabitha¡¯s cheeks burning. There had been a brief, completely dissonant thought that candy from all the way back in 1998 should be terribly expired by now, but Tabitha was able to quickly snuff it out. The woman dropped a handful of treats into each of their outstretched bags. ¡°Thank you!¡± The four cousins answered in chipper unison. They¡¯d done so without any prompting after only the second house of their very first neighborhood, and Tabitha felt proud that they¡¯d made it a habit so quickly. ¡°Thank you, and¡ªHappy Halloween!¡± Tabitha smiled at the woman. ¡°Happy Halloween,¡± the woman waved. ¡°You all look great!¡± Elena¡¯s long legs carried her back out to the sidewalk first, and like eager ducklings Sam, Nick, Aiden and Joshua trooped after her. She no longer needed to gesture them on past her towards the next house, simply guiding them on in the same well-practiced motion she had the entire evening. ¡°It¡¯s already heavy,¡± Nick boasted, hefting up his bag of candy. ¡°I know!¡± Aiden said gleefully, swinging his own. ¡°Less talking, more walking!¡± Elena playfully scolded them. ¡°Do you want everyone to give out all the candy before we get there?!¡± Although she¡¯d said it a few times tonight already, it still had the same effect¡ª the boys double-timed it to the next porch, arranging themselves in a proper side-by-side line. Like well-trained dogs with a biscuit balanced upon their nose, they all hungrily stared at the faint light of the doorbell but none jumped over to press it. Elena had decided that was her job, and with her pressing their trick-or-treating routine into clockwork efficiency, none of them seemed inclined to squabble with her for the honor. Tabitha and Alicia caught up¡ªTabitha was actually feeling a little out of breath¡ª Elena nodded at their arrival, and she pressed the doorbell. ¡°Trick or treat!¡± They joined together in a sing-song voice as the door opened. ¡°My word,¡± an elderly woman stepped into view with a festive orange bowl of candy. ¡°You all look lovely. Who are you all supposed to be?¡± ¡°Ma¡¯am,¡± Elena spoke up, ¡°This is Eric, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. Alicia is Luke Skywalker, Tabitha is Princess Ariel, and I¡¯m a kitty-cat!¡± ¡°Goodness,¡± The old woman chuckled, offering her bowl for each of them to grab a handful. Back when they¡¯d piled into Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s van for the short drive between the first neighborhood and the second, Elena had given them an updated briefing¡ªshe was appointing herself to field any and all questions regarding what costumes the group was wearing. All of us trying to answer at once is setting us precious seconds behind schedule! Elena admonished them, making an exaggerated stern face. Yes, drill Sergeant! Alicia had snapped a joking salute. The girls¡ª Mrs. Seelbaugh included¡ª had all laughed about it and poked fun at the military efficiency they were trying to squeeze out of the holiday, while the boys didn¡¯t find anything ironic about it. They had been peeking in their surprisingly overstuffed bags with looks of naked greed. As much fun as they were all having trooping quickly from door to door through block after block, Tabitha was starting to feel winded. The sun had gone down but the neighborhoods at night were alive with activity, with dozens of other roving bands of costumed children interspersed with the occasional adult shepherding some kids along. There were power rangers and Disney princesses, toddlers waddling along dressed as Raggedy Anne dolls and young boys dashing around in Batman capes. ¡°Elena,¡± Tabitha finally called out. ¡°I¡¯m, um. Go on ahead with the boys, and I¡¯ll catch up. I don¡¯t want to slow you all down.¡± ¡°We can slow down some,¡± Elena paused. ¡°We¡¯ve been making good time. Are you alright?¡± To Tabitha¡¯s surprise, the quartet of her cousins who had been marching like highly-motivated soldiers all lurched to a stop. A moment later, it was like they¡¯d lost all interest in trick-or-treating for the night, abandoning their beeline for the next house and gathering quietly around her. It was¡­ moving, in a way that almost had Tabitha choke up. It felt like she¡¯d done so little for them in this life, considering their circumstances, that seeing them care about her, care about her more than candy, made her a little misty-eyed. ¡°I¡¯m just... a little tired!¡± Tabitha let out a weak laugh. ¡°I¡¯ll skip a few houses and catch up with you at the end of the street.¡± ¡°Boys?¡± Elena asked, shooting an uncertain look from Tabitha to them and back again. ¡°What do you think?¡± ¡°Go on,¡± Tabitha urged them. ¡°Go¡ªI¡¯m not in it for the candy, anyways. I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll stay with her,¡± Alicia promised, waggling her lit lightsaber toy. ¡°Go with Elena.¡± With a surprising amount of reluctance, the four obeyed, scurrying back into action towards the next house at Elena¡¯s discretion. ¡°You okay?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°I¡¯m¡­¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I don¡¯t have a lot of energy, I, um. Haven¡¯t been taking great care of myself. It¡¯s been hard to eat. This is¡ªthis is great, though. This has been one of the best nights of my life, already.¡± ¡°Huh. Sooo, Tabitha,¡± Alicia said, idly swinging around her lightsaber in the air. ¡°Are you a big Star Wars fan at all?¡± ¡°No, not really,¡± Tabitha gave her friend a helpless shrug. ¡°The two I liked the most were the ones everyone said were the worst of them. Phantom Menace and Force Awakens.¡± ¡°Force Awakens?¡± Alicia arched an eyebrow. ¡°I think that one¡¯s¡­ ten or twenty years away, still?¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°They come out with a whole bunch of new movies and shows when Disney buys Star Wars.¡± ¡°Disney buys Star Wars¡­ Jesus. I think I need to sit down or something,¡± Alicia laughed, putting a hand up to adjust the oversized helmet. ¡°But, uh, yeah. Okay. Phantom Menace. I think you pass.¡± ¡°I pass?¡± Tabitha quirked her head in confusion. ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia nodded gravely. ¡°They just revealed the name of the first prequel on the Star Wars official web page. Last month, on the thirtieth. Like, no one but people like my Dad seem to have really picked up on it, just yet. The Phantom Menace. I¡­ I don¡¯t think you would have cared enough about Star Wars to know that¡ª you don¡¯t have a computer, and you didn¡¯t seem to ever use them in the library at school. Which means...¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t even see Episode One when it came out,¡± Tabitha admitted sheepishly. ¡°Actually didn¡¯t catch any of them in theater until Force Awakens¡ªI just had them in a set on DVD.¡± ¡°Does DVD end up replacing VHS?¡± Alicia blurted out in alarm. ¡°I¡ªsorry, now it¡¯s like, anything and everything you remember could be actually huge and important. Tabitha¡ªyou¡¯re for real from the future.¡± ¡°I am,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°And, DVD does, for about... twenty years? Then, they try to push a whole bunch of different high resolution formats, but none of them really stick. No reason to buy movies when you can stream things in quality from just about anywhere online.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°Okay, whoa. Stream. Resolution. DVD. I feel like I need to be writing these down, now. Should we, uh¡ªdo we buy stock in DVD? Or¡­ uh, how would we do that?¡± ¡°I have no idea,¡± Tabitha made an apologetic face. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. A lot of the really big things come and go so fast¡ªAmazon, Myspace, Vega Lyrae¡ªit¡¯s hard for me to pin them to exact dates. As soon as I¡¯m old enough for some kind of part-time job, I¡¯m just going to set aside everything to invest in Alphaco.¡± ¡°Alphaco, right,¡± Alicia frowned, furrowing her brow. ¡°I remember you said that. They build the world wide web engine? Or something?¡± The girls hesitated, stepping off of the sidewalk as a Buzz Lightyear sprinted past, chased shortly after by a smaller child wearing a Simba mask from the Lion King. ¡°An internet search engine, Google,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I hope you¡¯ll invest with me¡ªI think it may be our best shot.¡± ¡°Are you kidding?!¡± Alicia snorted. ¡°Of course I am, you¡¯re like¡ªTabitha, you¡¯re freakin¡¯ from the future. Probably would¡¯ve gone in with you anyways, even if I didn¡¯t believe you. Just ¡®cause we¡¯re friends. Okay?¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha let out a sigh of relief. ¡°You don¡¯t know what it means to have someone¡ª¡± ¡°No, not ¡®thank you,¡¯¡± Alicia scoffed, thwapping her lightly with the lightsaber blade. ¡°You say, ¡®yeah, we are friends!¡¯ Alright?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°We are. Thank you.¡± ¡°You realize at some point we¡¯re going to have to tell Elena, though,¡± Alicia pointed out. ¡°I¡­ yes, I¡¯m prepared for that,¡± Tabitha said slowly. ¡°But I¡¯m not going to say anything until she figures out enough to ask.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fair,¡± Alicia agreed. ¡°I figured it out first, anyways. Hah! I¡¯ll keep it secret. We do need her in on this eventually though, okay? Definitely before Alphaco.¡± ¡°That¡¯s still years away,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡­ I haven¡¯t even started saving money. It¡¯s honestly going to be hard to.¡± ¡°Still,¡± Alicia shrugged. ¡°She¡¯ll think of a whole bunch of other stuff we need to do. Probably. Well, if she can even keep a secret from her Mom. Don¡¯t think we should have too many people know. Right?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°It, um. I just want to say... it means a lot to me, that you believed me. I really couldn¡¯t do this alone.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t believe you, actually,¡± Alicia revealed. ¡°Like, no, not even a little bit. Sorry. Don¡¯t think I ever would¡¯ve believed you at all, ¡®til you described my artwork in the future.¡± ¡°Wait¡ªreally?¡± Tabitha looked confused. ¡°But, um. You couldn¡¯t have possibly drawn that one here, all the way back in this time¡­?¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°Yet. But, I know I will. That one¡¯s¡­ an important piece, to me. I¡¯ve tried it a couple times¡ª it¡¯s not quite there, yet. Artistically speaking. No one else could¡¯ve ever known about it, though¡ª it¡¯s stashed in with my nudie drawings.¡± ¡°Nudie drawings?¡± Tabitha asked in surprise. ¡°Yeah, nudie drawings!¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°C¡¯mon, Tabs. You¡¯re supposed to be the super mature one, here.¡± ¡°I¡¯m... not sure I am, anymore,¡± Tabitha admitted uneasily. ¡°I felt so sure of who I was at first, but lately¡­ I mean, I know some of it¡¯s hormones, and getting hurt, and everything going on, yeah, but¡ªI¡¯m kind of a wreck. Feel like I¡¯ve had an emotional breakdown almost every day, for weeks. I make stupid decisions, I¡¯m always crying, my moods are all over the place, I. I just can¡¯t¡­¡± ¡°How different is all this from your first time?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Very. Maybe completely,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I was... a very damaged little girl back then, but I rarely ever actually cried. I¡¯m always crying, now. Back then, it was all very, um. Everything was at this distance from me, all of the bad but then all of the good, too. It was¡­ lonely. I hated myself. I wanted things to be different, but I wasn¡¯t able to change. I was¡­ trapped.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­¡± Alicia gave her a long look. ¡°Okay, yeah. You do need to talk about all of this, to someone. Either me, or, I dunno, someone. Not just future stuff¡ª you need to sort all the you out. You know?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha gave a bitter nod. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°Were you ever in love?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°I¡­ no, I don¡¯t think so,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Nothing like that.¡± ¡°Are you a virgin?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Sorry, but I¡¯ve gotta know. Are you?¡± Am I a virgin? Tabitha tensed up at the unexpected question, but finally nodded. ¡°Really? Counting both?¡± ¡°I¡¯m thirteen,¡± Tabitha said in a small voice. ¡°Yeah, but¡ª¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t look like this, last time,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Ever. I was¡ªI was around the weight my mother is right now. But even shorter. It was more than that though, I¡­ Alicia, I hated myself. I don¡¯t know if you understand what that¡¯s like, completely. The only way I could even remotely think about... intimate things, was by completely removing and detaching the idea of myself from the concepts. Making it impersonal. Clinical?¡± ¡°Okay, sorry,¡± Alicia said after a moment of consideration. ¡°What are we going to do about that?¡± ¡°About love?¡± ¡°Love can wait,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I think. I¡¯m just trying to get some perspective on who you are, what you¡¯re going for, some basic¡­ general idea. What are we going to do about you hating yourself? You don¡¯t still hate yourself, do you?¡± ¡°Um.¡± ¡°Tabs, If you don¡¯t give me a strong ¡®no,¡¯ I¡¯m going to take it as a ¡®mostly yes.¡¯ Alright?¡± ¡°Alright.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± Alicia stopped and grabbed Tabitha¡¯s shoulder, forcing her to a halt as well. ¡°You hate yourself?¡± ¡°I¡­ I really didn¡¯t get to pick and choose,¡± Tabitha said defensively. ¡°What I brought back with me to this life. I have a thirteen year old mind and body, with... a lot of these extra memories. The memories, they have a lot of issues attached to them. Do they still count? I don¡¯t know. Are the feelings real, now that the timeline¡¯s going differently? I don¡¯t know. What do I do about them? I, I don¡¯t know¡ªI. Fuck, I never knew. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to do with all of this inside me. I¡¯m just, kinda¡­ well, I¡¯m here, now. Even when I do better and fix some things¡ªI¡¯ve still got all this baggage that makes less and less¡ªwell, it doesn¡¯t really make any sense, anymore. Doesn¡¯t match up. Cognitive dissonance, in all of these¡­ weird ways. I¡¯m just trying to get through this. I wouldn¡¯t have ever chosen to do any of this all over again.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia pulled her into a quick hug. ¡°Well, I¡¯m glad you¡¯re getting the chance to. This is good¡ªthis is all a good start. Do you feel any better, getting any of that off your chest?¡± ¡°I... don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna get through this, and I¡¯m gonna help,¡± Alicia squeezed her tight. ¡°We¡¯re gonna help. Elena, too¡ªtogether we¡¯re gonna work everything out. We¡¯re friends. Where do you think we should go from here? What happens next? Anything happening soon?¡± I don¡¯t¡ªum. No, I guess I do actually know,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I need to find Ashlee Taylor. Help her, apologize to her. Ask her to forgive me.¡± ¡°Great!¡± Alicia clapped Tabitha on the back. ¡°I don¡¯t know who that is, but we¡¯re gonna track her down. Alright?¡± 24: Tabitha cheats on her diet. Their expedition party had returned triumphant from a trick-or-treating mission that had possibly gone too well. After the seventh neighborhood, Mrs. Seelbaugh had asked with a look of amusement if everyone wanted to keep going, and received a resounding and determined affirmative. When they¡¯d completed the eighth and ninth, and each of them had a second bag of candy that was beginning to fill¡ªthe boys were using spare pillowcases¡ª they¡¯d all continued to push on despite their aching feet. I¡­ think I might sit this one out, Tabitha had reluctantly said before their final planned neighborhood on the route. To her surprise, both of her teenage friends and all four of the cousins agreed with enthusiasm and relief. It had been an absurdly successful night, the amount of candy each of them had collected was ridiculous, and everyone seemed more than satisfied with their haul. With everyone unanimously deciding to skip their eleventh area, Mrs. Seelbaugh had instead steered them in the silvery minivan back towards the trailer at Sunset Estates. Once again, the trailer was crowded and bustling with people, more than Tabitha ever remembered seeing inside all at once. ¡°Tabby¡ªcan I talk to you for a second?¡± Elena asked, regarding Tabitha with a solemn expression. ¡°Privately?¡± ¡°Is¡­ something wrong?¡± Tabitha said carefully, feeling her mouth go dry. Is she asking about the future already? Did Alicia say something, or did I let something slip? ¡°Here, let¡¯s head into my room.¡± ¡°Alicia¡ªcan you watch the boys for a little bit?¡± Elena asked. The request revealed a lot about Elena to Tabitha. Though the night was ostensibly over and they were back in the trailer with all of the adults, Elena never relinquished her unspoken mantle of responsibility to any of the parents present. She¡¯d decided that the teenage girls were going to remain in charge of the four younger cousins at all times, was set on affirming this hierarchy, and seemed to take their duties very seriously. ¡°Yeah, sure,¡± Alicia smiled. ¡°Boys. No one¡¯s had any candy yet¡ªright?¡± ¡°No,¡± they obediently replied. Over the course of the night they¡¯d become well-trained and were getting pretty good at synchronizing their responses. Joshua¡¯s no was an eager one, because he thought they were about to get permission to start gorging themselves. Nick¡¯s no sounded a little sullen and frustrated, while Aiden¡¯s was chipper, like he was proud to have not broken a rule this time. Sam¡¯s no was curious, and he was carefully appraising Alicia from across his open bags of candy. ¡°Alright,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing you didn¡¯t, because it¡¯s time to see which one of you won. Everyone¡ªstart counting your loot!¡± ¡°This way,¡± Tabitha said with a wry smile, leading Elena down the hallway to her tiny room. I thought I was really good at managing the cousins, but ¡®Lena and ¡®Licia are teaching me a lot. It¡¯s... actually a little scary how good they are at this. Tabitha¡¯s bedroom was small, very small, a simple box measuring nine feet along her bare walls in one direction and seven feet in the other, which featured little else but a small window with curtains. She kept her decor rather bare and minimalistic to help provide the illusion that the bedroom wasn¡¯t quite as cramped as it actually was, with furnishings likewise extremely spartan. All of the odds and ends of her now incredibly distant-seeming prior childhood had been carefully packed into boxes and stacked in the shed. Oddly enough, Tabitha¡¯s room had no closet at all¡ª the previous owners of the mobile home had removed it to give the adjacent bathroom a little more space during a remodel. All of her clothing that didn¡¯t fit in her battered vintage dresser was hanging up in the back of her parent¡¯s closet. Watching Elena evaluate her living space with an interested look around had Tabitha feeling more anxious than she¡¯d ever imagined, and so she awkwardly sat down on the neatly-made bed to await her friend¡¯s verdict. She¡¯d left her bag of candy on the kitchen counter, but was still hugging the Flounder pillow against herself. ¡°Needs more kitten posters,¡± Elena judged, shooting her a teasing look. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said with a nervous smile. ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ work on that.¡± ¡°Good,¡± Elena nodded, sitting down on the other side of the bed. ¡°I¡¯m kidding, it¡¯s fine. Okay, um. First of all; how are you feeling?¡± ¡°Better,¡± Tabitha answered with a wince. ¡°...And also worse.¡± ¡°Why worse?¡± Elena asked. Her tall blonde friend seemed a little too composed, and Tabitha began to suspect that Elena had been planning and preparing for the different ways this conversation might go. ¡°I feel¡­ out of place,¡± Tabitha said with caution, watching Elena for any clue as to what this talk was about. ¡°Out of place because you missed school this week?¡± Elena pressed. ¡°Or, out of place in a... general, social way?¡± ¡°...Both, really,¡± Tabitha swallowed uneasily. ¡°Okay. That¡¯s perfectly normal,¡± Elena reassured her. Tabitha could practically hear Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s kind and patient voice within Elena¡¯s. ¡°But, I want us to do something about that.¡± ¡°Something?¡± Tabitha echoed. ¡°Matthew¡¯s Halloween party is tomorrow,¡± Elena reminded her. ¡°We were all invited, and I want you to go.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha inwardly let out a sigh of relief. ¡°I thought that was a bad idea. Because Erica might be there.¡± ¡°I know I said we shouldn¡¯t go if she was going to be there, but¡­ I¡¯ve been thinking about it a lot. Are you willing to hear me out?¡± ¡°...I¡¯m listening.¡± ¡°I really like Matthew,¡± Elena said. ¡°Just to be like, completely clear and totally transparent about my... priorities and ulterior motives.¡± Elena doesn¡¯t really sound like a teenage girl at all either, Tabitha mused. But, she¡¯s so much better at making it all still sound natural. Her words and mannerisms come off as just being picked up from her parents. In a really strong way. How can I make it start to seem like that when I¡¯m in my¡­ PROPER DICTION mindset? ¡°So¡­ I want to go, no matter what,¡± Elena continued. ¡°But, you going or not is... the big topic. Everyone at school thinks you¡¯ll be there.¡± ¡°You¡¯re kidding,¡± Tabitha felt herself go pale. ¡°Both Erica Taylor and Clarissa Dole are gonna be at the party,¡± Elena revealed. ¡°Clarissa privately approached Matthew and asked if she could go, because people think you¡¯ll be there and she wants to apologize to you. She legit didn¡¯t know what she was getting into with all of this, I think, and will switch to your side in an instant if it means you can put in a good word. So that she doesn¡¯t have to repeat a year.¡± ¡°Sides?¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°I really don¡¯t think¡ª¡± ¡°There are sides to this, whether you like it or not,¡± Elena insisted. ¡°You¡¯re one of them. The Taylor girls¡ªwell, Erica¡¯s pretty much the other, right now. It¡¯s pretty much confirmed that she¡¯s gonna be there, and Matthew¡¯s mom is kinda-sorta okay with it¡ªto ¡®give her a chance to apologize in person.¡¯ No one actually thinks that¡¯s gonna happen, though. Erica apparently shrugs things off whenever people ask her about it, but word from Carrie is that she¡¯s still completely trash-talking you, and that actually it¡¯s gotten way worse. Way worse.¡± ¡°Then, I definitely don¡¯t go,¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°...Right?¡± ¡°I really want you to go,¡± Elena repeated. ¡°You¡¯ll literally never have these kind of advantages in a confrontation like, ever again. Matthew and his parents are both on your side, so right off the bat that¡¯s like having a home-ground advantage. I¡¯ll be there with you, right by your side the whole time. Alicia and Casey will both be there with us¡ªtogether, they pretty much represent the Art Club people. You¡¯re like, the poster girl of the whole club right now, ¡®cause that print of you is literally hung up by the board like a poster, and Mr. Peterson is totally in your corner. All the teachers are, really. It¡¯s bitchy popular girls versus everyone with common sense, at this point.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha blanched. ¡°Is it¡­ wrong, or cowardly or something, to admit that I just don¡¯t want any kind of confrontation, period?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not,¡± Elena put a hand on Tabitha¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I mean that. But, I mean, also if there ever is a confrontation¡ªand there probably will be¡ªthis is your best shot ever. Like, the terms¡¯ll never be as¡­ favorable? You know what I mean? I really think you need to go. If you go, that makes a statement, and people are going to take it a certain way. If you don¡¯t go, but Erica does, then everyone¡¯ll make these certain... assumptions? Think you¡¯re hiding, or have a guilty conscience, or that you¡¯re afraid of her. Or afraid of the truth. She can spin things however she wants, if you don¡¯t go.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t seem very fair,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°I know,¡± Elena gave her a helpless shrug. ¡°I¡¯m just saying. I really want you to go, Tabitha¡ªI think it¡¯s in your best interests to go, and... I¡¯ll hope that you trust my judgement on that.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha said after a moment of consideration. ¡°I do trust you. We¡¯re friends, right?¡± ¡°Friends!¡± Elena promised, lighting up at the word and clasping Tabitha¡¯s hand. ¡°Thank you. You¡¯ll really go?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll go. But, you don¡¯t say ¡®thank you,¡¯¡± Tabitha chuckled, thinking back to her prior conversation with Alicia. ¡°You say; ¡®definitely. We¡¯re friends.¡¯¡± ¡°Definitely!¡± Elena affirmed. ¡°We are friends. The party¡¯s going to be amazing, and we¡¯re all gonna be there with you. Everything¡¯s gonna be fine, no matter what Erica tries to pull. There¡¯s nothing she can even pull, really. It¡¯s a costume party, and we¡¯re all already set there. Oh¡ªuhhh, we should probably talk about this, too. How do you actually feel about Matthew?¡± ¡°He¡¯s cute. I like him,¡± Tabitha revealed, fidgeting with her cast for a moment. ¡°But, I don¡¯t like him, like him. No¡­ um, conflict of interests, there. He¡¯s all yours?¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Elena let out a sigh of relief. ¡°I mean¡ªit¡¯s totally cool either way, it wouldn¡¯t be a problem. Just... I do get competitive, and I don¡¯t want things to get weird between us right now. Did Alicia talk to you about dating, who you¡¯re interested in?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha remembered the awkward earlier talk. ¡°Kinda? I don¡¯t think I¡¯m ready, not for a long while. Years, maybe?¡± ¡°Okay. That¡¯s perfectly fine too,¡± Elena said, again in that way Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but think was in imitation of Mrs. Seelbaugh. ¡°Just, there¡¯s been freshman guys at school... expressing interest, and we weren¡¯t sure if we should vet them or not. Or, if you¡¯re even coming back soon. Are you coming back soon?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, right now,¡± Tabitha admitted honestly. ¡°I think¡­ it¡¯ll depend on how things go at the big hearing thingie, this coming Monday.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena nodded again. ¡°Is that gonna be like, at the courthouse or something? Can anyone go and watch? I want to be there with you. Alicia, too.¡± ¡°I think they¡¯re normally held at the district office,¡± Tabitha racked her brain for what she remembered from her experiences working in Springton Town Hall. ¡°This one sounds like it involves a lot more people though, so¡­ they¡¯ll meet in one of the local school cafeterias in the evening on Monday. Either Springton Middle, or Springton High¡ªprobably Springton High. They might use the auditorium instead, maybe. I¡¯m not sure. I can ask?¡± ¡°If we¡¯re allowed to go, we want to be there with you,¡± Elena said in a determined voice. ¡°I really appreciate that,¡± Tabitha said honestly, feeling as if a slight weight was disappearing from her shoulders. ¡°I mean it. Um¡ªactually. I just had a random thought¡ªare you going to be dressed as a cat again for the Halloween party?¡± ¡°I¡­ was, yeah,¡± Elena looked down at her outfit. ¡°Is it actually too lame?¡± ¡°This might be weird, or super awkward or something¡ª but, we¡¯re definitely friends, right?¡± Tabitha said, sliding off the bed and pulling open one of the drawers of her dresser. ¡°Can I give you one of my blouses, as a¡ªa friendship thing? I mean, it¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯re definitely friends!¡± Elena affirmed, her blue eyes lighting up at the prospect. ¡°I was trying to think up a way to steal one anyways¡ªuhh, because that¡¯s what friends do!¡± Tabitha carefully lifted a neatly folded pile of shirts¡ªmostly tees or workout clothes¡ªand pulled out a blouse she¡¯d had hidden beneath the pile. It unfolded itself as she held it up, a long-sleeved black affair with rather intricate lace. ¡°What the fuck,¡± Elena mouthed in surprise, accepting it from her friend and holding it up for a better look. ¡°You never wore this one to school. Tabby¡ªthis is sexy!¡± ¡°Yeah... that¡¯s actually the reason I don¡¯t think I can wear it, ever,¡± Tabitha said in a weak voice. ¡°It¡¯s just not me. It was part of a dress that was really, really beautiful, but I don¡¯t like layering it with anything else I have, and¡­ um. I¡¯m not comfortable showing cleavage, yet. At all.¡± ¡°Can I try it on real quick?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Yeah, cleavage is hard to get used to¡ª Mom and I¡¯ve been over that a lot. We clipped out these two different magazine article guides on it, they¡¯re up beside my mirror at home. My comfort zone goes as far as showing two inches, right now¡ªand that¡¯s like, only even a recent thing. Don¡¯t ever feel pressured to show off more than you¡¯re okay with. Damn, are you sure about this, though? Tabby, this is a really nice top.¡± ¡°Try it on, please,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°If it fits, I want you to have it. I¡¯m glad we made it, but it wasn¡¯t ever really me. It¡¯d be really cool if it works with your cat costume.¡± ¡°I think it will,¡± Elena stepped in front of the mirror and held the slinky garment up in front of herself. ¡°Probably? Tabitha¡ªthank you so much, this is amazing.¡± Slipping out of the bedroom and closing the door to give Elena privacy to change, Tabitha walked back down the hallway towards the living room with a faint smile. It was silly, but it felt good giving Elena the black blouse, like there would be a bit of visible solidarity between the three girls in wearing them. Would it be super weird if we all wore them to school on the same day, or¡­ just together sometime, so we could get a picture of us all looking fancy? The living room was still a madhouse of activity¡ªboth of her parents and Grandma Laurie were at the table with Mrs. Brooks and Mrs. Seelbaugh, while Alicia and the boys had pushed aside the coffee table and were crowded together in front of the TV amongst their heaping piles of candy. ¡°Everything okay, Sweetie?¡± Mr. Moore called over. ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Who ended up having the most candy?¡± ¡°I did,¡± Grandma Laurie joked. ¡°All of the boys candy is goin¡¯ right to me.¡± ¡°Is not!¡± Joshua took the bait, sounding horrified. ¡°No way,¡± Sam protested, hunching protectively over his loot. ¡°I won¡ªI had the most,¡± Aiden boasted proudly. ¡°By thirty-two pieces. Way ahead of Sam.¡± ¡°Good job, Aiden,¡± Tabitha praised, feeling a little surprised. Isn¡¯t a thirty-two piece lead several handfuls of candy? They all went to the same doors! ¡°How do you feel about sharing with your brothers?¡± Their side of the room went quiet, and each of the cousins¡ªstill with ridiculous smudged South Park eyes drawn across their entire faces¡ªregarded each other with narrowed eyes. ¡°You¡¯re all a team,¡± Tabitha explained, grabbing her own bulging bag of candy off of the counter. ¡°You¡¯re my team. If all four of you boys put your candy together in one big pile, for all of you to share together¡­ I¡¯ll add my haul in with yours. I really don¡¯t want any candy for myself.¡± ¡°Tabs¡ªit¡¯s Halloween,¡± Alicia protested, pulling three lollipops at once out of her mouth so that she could speak clearly. ¡°You¡¯re not allowed to have no candy. You have to have at least something. It¡¯s the law.¡± ¡°That is the law, I¡¯m afraid,¡± Grandma Laurie agreed with a smile. ¡°Rules are rules!¡± ¡°It¡¯s a Kentucky state statute, I believe,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh joined in with a wink. ¡°We¡¯ll do it,¡± Sam said with conviction, already pushing and shoving his rather enormous pile of candy across the carpet into the middle. All at once the other three cousins began nudging and tossing their piles to join the heap. ¡°You say, ¡®we accept your proposal,¡¯¡± Alicia directed. ¡°But Tabitha¡ªyou do have to have a piece. At least one, c¡¯mon.¡± ¡°We accept your proposal,¡± the four cousins said in a chipper chorus, marveling at how humongous the pile of Halloween candy had become when gathered into a single mound. Stolen story; please report. ¡°I¡¯m... trying not to eat too much sugar,¡± Tabitha protested weakly, looking around at all of the expectant faces. ¡°It¡¯s Halloween,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Sweetie¡ªbut, the law is what it is.¡± I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve had any candy in¡­ what, years? Tabitha thought to herself, reluctantly peeking inside the heavy bag. Since well before the stomach ulcers¡­ With no small amount of bashful excitement, she picked out the best thing she spotted¡ª the bright orange wrapper of a pair of large Reeses peanut butter cups, and then passed the rest of her candy to the nearby Joshua. He gleefully poured it out in a rush atop their collected pile, and all four boys marvelled at the sheer size of the thing. It was enormous, almost a foot and a half high and with a large, spread-out base made up of hundreds upon hundreds of different colors of wrapped treats. ¡°Look at that, you¡¯re all gonna get diabetes,¡± Grandma Laurie sighed, getting up out of her chair. ¡°Well come on, then, boys. Gather ¡®round behind it for a picture.¡± ¡°What¡¯d you pick?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh asked, sending Tabitha a curious look. ¡°Reeses,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Um. Mom, if I have one of these cups... would you want the other one?¡± ¡°Aww, Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Moore looked moved. ¡°I¡¯d love that!¡± ¡°Are those tears I see, Shannon?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh teased. ¡°It¡¯s true,¡± Mrs. Moore theatrically wiped away some moisture with her fingertips. ¡°I really do just love Reeses that much.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Mr. Moore rolled his eyes. Tabitha had just begun to tear open the orange packaging when Elena stepped out of her room and pranced down the hallway with an enormous smile. She was still wearing the cat-eared headband, and unlike the boys had managed to keep her face-paint from smudging¡ªbut, the black blouse she was wearing now looked incredible, and when replacing her previous long-sleeved shirt it added a certain elegance to her entire look. It was low-cut enough to show cleavage, but on Elena¡¯s taller figure it seemed to work. The lines of what had once been a rather sexy party dress were embroidered with a lace pattern, which continued across the mesh of her shoulders and back where the garment was mostly see-through. ¡°Well¡ªwhat do you think?¡± Elena asked, stepping out and giving a twirl to show it off. ¡°Ooh la la,¡± Mrs. Brooks laughed. ¡°It¡¯s lovely¡ªis this another one of Tabitha¡¯s?¡± ¡°I helped a little with that one!¡± Grandma Laurie called over. ¡°She did more than help¡ªshe did most of the work,¡± Tabitha corrected with a smile. ¡°I was the one who only helped a little bit.¡± ¡°I like it, it looks great,¡± Mrs. Moore decided. ¡°Daring, but not distasteful. It looks good on you, Miss Elena.¡± ¡°Thank you!¡± Elena beamed, turning to Alicia and the boys. ¡°What do you think?¡± ¡°It looks really good,¡± Sam said politely, trying not so stare. ¡°It¡¯s cool!¡± Nick offered. ¡°Cool,¡± Joshua agreed. ¡°Me-ow,¡± Alicia growled, playfully clawing at the air in an Austin Powers imitation. ¡°It¡¯s... alright,¡± Aiden tried to sound unimpressed, but his eyes had gone a little too wide at the sight of her. ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°Oooh, Aiden¡¯s got the hots for Elena?!¡± Alicia blurted out in mock-surprise. ¡°My, how scandalous!¡± ¡°I do not!¡± ¡°Aiden and Elena, sittin¡¯ in a tree!¡± Joshua sung. ¡°K-I-S-S-I-N¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, shush,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°It does show a lot of neck, though¡­¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh leaned forward with a thoughtful look. ¡°I think you need a necklace to go with it¡ªor, maybe a matching choker?¡± ¡°A cat collar, with a little bell!¡± Alicia proposed. ¡°Maybe we can find one that fits?¡± ¡°Ooh, kitty collar, that¡¯s a really good idea,¡± Elena said with an appreciative nod. ¡°I think I have a thin little belt at home that could work if I cut it shorter¡ªthen, just slip on a jingle bell, I guess?¡± ¡°Sure, that¡¯ll work. But¡­ c¡¯mon, Elena,¡± Alicia smirked. ¡°Don¡¯t keep us in suspense. Did Tabs say yes, or did she say no?¡± ¡°She said yes,¡± Elena smiled. ¡°To the big sleepover tonight¡ªor to the big party tomorrow?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh asked for clarification. ...Was everyone here in on this?! Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but give them incredulous looks. ¡°Oh, right!¡± Elena seemed to remember, twisting to face Tabitha. ¡°Would you want to¡ª¡± ¡°Yes!¡± Tabitha grinned, carefully sliding out one of the peanut butter cups into her good palm¡ª it was awkward holding anything with her left hand trapped in a cast¡ªand passing it to her mother. ¡°Please¡ªcan we?¡± ¡°Yes, pleeeaase!¡± The four cousins called out, instead of saying cheeeese from where they were posing for a picture huddled together¡ªand almost obscured behind¡ªthe gigantic pile of candy. ¡°Good, good,¡± Mrs. Brooks said with a pleased nod. ¡°We hoped you¡¯d say yes¡ªwe went and hid Alicia¡¯s sleeping bag and things right outside the door there.¡± ¡°Cool!¡± Joshua said. ¡°We can pillow-fight.¡± ¡°Hah, well¡ªI don¡¯t think any of you boys are invited,¡± Grandma Laurie laughed. She took the first picture with a flash of light, and then stooped down lower for one with an even better angle. ¡°I think it¡¯s a girls only slumber party.¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªno icky boys allowed!¡± Alicia teased, wrinkling her nose at the nearby Aiden. ¡°I¡¯m not icky,¡± Aiden protested. ¡°You¡¯re a little icky,¡± Alicia compromised. ¡°Whose idea was it, to have slumber party?¡± Tabitha asked in bewilderment, looking from Elena to Alicia. To her surprise, both of her friends turned their grins towards the table of adults, and from there Mrs. Brooks and Mrs. Seelbaugh turned to pointedly look over at¡ª ¡°...Mom?¡± Tabitha felt absolutely stunned. ¡°Happy Halloween, Sweetie,¡± Mrs. Moore said quietly, and there was a sparkle she¡¯d never seen before in her eye as she took a bite of her peanut butter cup. ¡°Happy Halloween, Mom,¡± Tabitha said, feeling her eyes betray her and tear up again¡ª they¡¯d been doing that too damned often, lately. ¡°Happy Halloween, everyone.¡± ¡°Happy Halloween, Honey,¡± her father said softly. ¡°Happy Halloween!¡± Grandma Laurie exclaimed. Tabitha slowly¡ªtentatively¡ªunwrapped her own Reeses cup and put it to her lips. When she bit into it, experiencing the sweet flavor of chocolate and the rich peanut butter, she let out a small noise of appreciation. It should have been a guilty pleasure¡­ but it didn¡¯t feel like one, not anymore. Instead, it was the most delicious-tasting thing she¡¯d ever had in either of her lives, and as she took a spot on the floor next to Alicia to sit down, tears rolled down her cheeks. ¡°Wow,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh remarked with a wry smile. ¡°Look at you two¡ªyou Moore ladies sure do love Reeses, huh?¡± ¡°Really?¡± Elena said, crouching down to open up her bag of candy. ¡°They¡¯re alright. Actually, if you¡¯ll trade a Snickers for each¡ªwait, Tabitha! What happ¡ªwhy are you crying?!¡±
¡°These are really nice houses out here,¡± Elena observed in an awed tone. ¡°They really are, aren¡¯t they?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh sighed, glancing over at her daughter situated in the passenger seat of the minivan, and then at Tabitha and Alicia sitting in the back. ¡°How¡¯d you like to live in one of these someday, girls?¡± ¡°I wish,¡± Tabitha chuckled with a small sigh. Seeing how large and expensive these lakehouses were was a lot more intimidating than she¡¯d prepared herself for. Tabitha had already been a little uncomfortable having Elena over for the night¡ªshe knew the Seelbaughs were more affluent than her family, and by more than just a degree or two. When all three teenage girls had been packed into her tiny bedroom for the impromptu slumber party, she couldn¡¯t help but keep apologizing for the cramped accommodations. They were friends, and they attended the same school together, but the stark difference in social class was an embarrassment difficult for Tabitha to shake. All things considered, Tabitha thought of it as more of a sleepover than a proper slumber party, because it had already been getting pretty late by the time the group returned from trick-or-treating. The girls wound up chatting in the darkness for almost an hour before all falling asleep, mostly just discussing the tense situation at school that followed all of the suspensions. Elena had a finger on the pulse of the Springton student drama, and had been dying to regale Tabitha with all of the stories¡ªAlicia binged her way through her bag of candy while making an occasional clarification or inserting a snarky remark. It absolutely makes me want us to have a REAL slumber party, Tabitha thought, watching the scenery roll by outside her window with a wistful expression. Having fun with friends is¡­ beyond amazing. I¡¯d gladly trade my entire previous life for a few hours with them, just giggling over stupid stories in the dark like dumb girls. The Williams¡¯ Halloween party was a fair distance outside of Springton, in an area sequestered away from commercial districts and busy intersections by miles and miles of forested hills. Even after the lake itself became visible through the trees, it was a fifteen-minute drive skirting around it towards their destination. Each of the lots they passed were enormous, sprawling things with long driveways, featuring opulent structures that didn¡¯t quite register to Tabitha as houses¡ªthese were estates, or possibly even mansions¡ªoften complete with their own luxurious-looking boathouses built out onto the water. ¡°I will live someplace like this, someday,¡± Elena decided, smiling out the window. ¡°Not me,¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°No way. Too far out from everything. This is where like, horror movies take place. Slashers, y¡¯know?¡± ¡°Well, you are having a party on the lake, and it is Halloween,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh teased, playfully imitating the iconic horror movie sound cue from Friday the Thirteenth. ¡°Ch ch ch, ka ka ka¡­¡± Alicia and Elena broke into a fit of giggles that was so contagious Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but laugh along with them. As someone only recently in possession of a mother she was on friendly terms with, Tabitha found the relationship between Elena and Mrs. Seelbaugh endlessly fascinating. Will Mom and I ever be like this? It seems¡­ possible. Things between us have already deviated so much from the original timeline that it¡¯s like the story¡¯s completely jumped into a different genre. ¡°It¡¯s after the real Halloween, technically. So, I think we¡¯re safe,¡± Elena chuckled, twisting in her seat to check on her two friends. ¡°Hey, Tabby¡ªyou okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡­ yeah. Okay, but also a little nervous,¡± Tabitha admitted, unable to keep from smiling at seeing the elaborate cat makeup once again turned her way. ¡°Ladies¡ªI think this is it!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh announced. The silvery minivan slowed to a stop at a rustic wooden mailbox with a bundle of Halloween balloons twisting in the wind, and then pulled into a long hedge-lined driveway. The Williams family seemed wealthy even in comparison to the other houses in the area, and Tabitha¡¯s discomfort continued to rise. ¡°Guys¡­ holy cow,¡± Alicia muttered in awe. The house itself was enormous, a multiple-story affair with a three-car garage connected as a wing to the lower level. A half-dozen other cars were already parked in a large gravel parking area for the party, boxed in on the opposite side by a shed the size of a small barn. An extravagant split-level porch wrapped around the lakehouse itself, with an upper-level veranda and then broad stairs down to the ground-level porch, which connected to a covered walkway that led all the way out to the lake. Their docks stretched out dozens of yards into the water, where a large pontoon boat was nestled into a berth beneath a roofed enclosure. ¡°Well, when you get a place like this, Elena... I¡¯m movin¡¯ in with you,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh told her daughter. ¡°Of course,¡± Elena snorted. ¡°You can babysit the kids while I gallivant around Europe with my rich husband.¡± ¡°Deal!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh grinned. ¡°Alright, girls, have fun! Alicia, take lots of pictures. I¡¯ll be back by to pick you all up at midnight, so try not to fall in the lake or anything.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not staying for the party?¡± Alicia asked, surprised. ¡°Of course not,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh said with a gentle smile. ¡°Elena needs to be able to let her hair down, spread her wings, and party with people her own age! Without having to worry about having her boring old mother being there and seeing everything she gets up to.¡± ¡°You are the coolest Mom,¡± Alicia said with wide eyes. ¡°Pffft,¡± Elena blew a raspberry. ¡°She¡¯s lying, it¡¯s totally backwards¡ªDad¡¯s taking her to an actual adult Halloween party with skimpy costumes and lots of alcohol, and they don¡¯t want me there spoiling their fun.¡± ¡°Well, yeah,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s eyes twinkled. ¡°That too.¡± ¡°You are the coolest Mom ever,¡± Alicia remarked. ¡°Alright, ladies, get out of here,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh shooed them away with a gesture. ¡°Go on, get! Kiss lots of boys, break lots of hearts.¡± ¡°Thanks, Mom,¡± Elena said, opening her door and hopping out. ¡°Thanks, Mrs. Elena¡¯s Mom!¡± Alicia chimed in. ¡°You too!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t tell her that!¡± Elena protested. ¡°Thank you for driving us all the way out here,¡± Tabitha said with a nervous smile. ¡°And for taking us around everywhere trick-or-treating yesterday.¡± ¡°Anytime, anytime,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh reached over to pat her shoulder. ¡°Hey. You¡¯ll be fine. Just go and have a great time.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll try,¡± Tabitha promised, sliding out after Alicia and carefully closing the door behind her. The three girls hesitated outside together, staring up at the big lakehouse as Mrs. Seelbaugh waved and then backed out down the driveway. There were a lot of cars present, but it seemed like everyone was inside for the party. They¡¯d just started walking towards the large front entrance when a pair of french doors on the second-story veranda opened and a small figure scampered out to welcome them. ¡°Hello to Tabitha!¡± Hannah squeaked out, just barely lurching to a stop at the edge of the porch and beckoning them forward. ¡°C¡¯mon, this way, this way! Everyone¡¯s up here. Ugh, okay I¡¯ll show you.¡± ¡°Hello to Hannah!¡± Tabitha called out in return, letting out a small breath of relief at seeing a familiar face. Hannah Macintire was just as impossibly adorable as Tabitha remembered, but now the little girl was dressed in a pink and blue Mulan Halloween costume, tied at the waist with a bright red sash. The seven-year-old carelessly bunched up the hem of the faux-feudal Chinese dress in tiny fists so she could plod down the steps. ¡°Say hello to Hannah,¡± Tabitha shared a smile with her friends. ¡°Hello there!¡± Elena called out. ¡°Happy Halloween.¡± ¡°Hello to Hannah,¡± Alicia waved. ¡°Hi, and hi,¡± Hannah greeted, giving both of them a perfunct nod before staring at Tabitha. ¡°You got a cast.¡± ¡°I do have a cast,¡± Tabitha said, awkwardly switching the Flounder pillow to her good hand so that she could show off the blue cast to Hannah. ¡°You can sign your name on it later, if anyone here has a marker.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll ask Aunt Karen!¡± Hannah¡¯s cute cheeks lit up in a bright smile. ¡°I¡¯m in first grade, I can already write my name.¡± ¡°First grade at Springton Elementary?¡± Tabitha gave her a thoughtful look. ¡°Actually, do you know a Joshua Moore? He¡¯s one of my cousins.¡± ¡°Ummm¡­ I dunno? Joshua?¡± Hannah hopped off the porch, and then jumped right back up onto it in alarm. ¡°Whoops¡ªI¡¯m not allowed to go off of the porch without shoes. See?¡± Hannah lifted up her dress to show them her bare feet. ¡°...I can see that,¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°You don¡¯t want to step on anything, or get splinters!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve already got splinters before,¡± Hannah scoffed. ¡°They¡¯re no big deal. I even got stung by a bee before.¡± ¡°Well, this is Elena, and this is Alicia,¡± Tabitha introduced her friends as they all stepped up to join her on the porch. ¡°They¡¯re friends of both Matthew and I.¡± ¡°Hi,¡± Hannah said again. ¡°I hate bees!¡± Alicia said with a chipper smile. ¡°They¡¯re the worst, and they should all die.¡± ¡°Alicia!¡± Elena scolded, slapping the girl¡¯s arm. ¡°I used to think they were cool, but now I hate bees too,¡± Hannah nodded with understanding. Seeming to bond in the kind of immediate friendship that only a mutual hatred of bees can produce, the cute seven-year-old grabbed Alicia¡¯s costume-gloved hand and began to lead them all up the stairs. ¡°This way, this way! Anyways, I¡¯m Mulan. Tabitha is Ariel from the Little Mermaid, she¡¯s a black cat, and¡­ what are you supposed to be? A Ghostbuster?¡± ¡°I¡¯m from Star Wars!¡± Alicia explained, looking crestfallen. ¡°Ew, Star Wars,¡± Hannah teased, making a face. ¡°Matthew likes Star Wars. I think it¡¯s dumb, though.¡± ¡°Star Wars isn¡¯t dumb!¡± Alicia cried out in mock-indignation, pulling her hand out of Hannah¡¯s little grasp. ¡°Everyone loves Star Wars! There¡¯s statistics that even prove it!¡± ¡°I love your dress, Hannah,¡± Elena remarked, swatting Alicia on the shoulder. ¡°I really liked Mulan.¡± ¡°Thanks!¡± Hannah said. ¡°You¡¯re really pretty.¡± ¡°Um¡ªthank you,¡± Elena laughed. Entering through the set of french doors, they found themselves in an enormous living room with high ceilings and skylights that faced toward the lake. The carpet was plush, a fireplace was lit, and row upon row of family photos seemed to decorate every wall. A large, somewhat antiquated tube TV built into a wooden cabinet was playing The Nightmare Before Christmas. Aside from the familiar face of Casey standing nearby to watch the movie¡ªwearing a decidedly unfamiliar white bridal gown¡ªthere was only a single other lone teenage girl, seated on one of the three couches. Several adults could be seen chatting in the nearby kitchen, but otherwise there was only the telltale sound of a ping-pong game going on somewhere nearby and occasional interspersed voices in the distance. The Halloween party seemed surprisingly empty. ¡°I¡¯m gonna bug Aunt Karen for a marker so I can sign your cast¡ªdon¡¯t go anywhere!¡± Hannah called, bunching up her Mulan dress again so that she could dash over into the kitchen. ¡°Oh, hey guys!¡± Casey waved. ¡°You¡¯re early! Pretty much only the youth group¡¯s here so far. We all came over right after second service. The guys¡¯re all downstairs in the rec room.¡± ¡°Which church?¡± Elena asked with interest. ¡°Springton United Methodist,¡± Casey said. ¡°Wow, you guys look awesome!¡± ¡°Aww. My parents are Presbyterian,¡± Elena pouted. ¡°Not enough kids for a youth group, though.¡± ¡°First United Methodist Church, but over in Fairfield,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I think we just have Youth Choir, hah. Not my thing.¡± ¡°Oh my gosh, Matthew¡¯s gonna die when he sees you, ¡®Licia,¡± Casey exclaimed, marveling at Alicia¡¯s rebel pilot costume. ¡°We¡¯re both real into Star Wars. Both of us have Shadows of the Empire for Nintendo 64. They¡¯re actually making an X-wing flying game for 64 this Christmas, called Rogue Squadron! Did you buy this outfit?¡± ¡°Made everything but the helmet!¡± Alicia said with pride. ¡°And the lightsaber, I guess.¡± Incredibly relieved that the conversation had turned in a different direction before anyone thought to ask her what church her family attended, Tabitha sidled over to stand behind one of the couches and idly watched as the familiar scenes of the stop-motion Tim Burton classic played out. My parents both SEEM religious, so it¡¯s hard to call them Godless heathens, but¡­ they definitely never took me to church. Maybe that¡¯s something I should ask them about? Even with the miracle or whatever it is that¡¯s happened to send me back in time, I don¡¯t think I have any strong beliefs one way or another. Getting them involved in some sort of community¡ªMom especially¡ªmight actually help a lot, though. Why didn¡¯t I ever think of it? ¡°There¡¯s a Darth Vader downstairs playing ping pong with all of them, but he¡¯s just got one of the lame-o store bought cheap costumes,¡± Casey laughed, turning to see Tabitha and Elena. ¡°I mean, you both look great, too! You¡¯re like, spot-on for Ariel, and Elena¡ªI just love your blouse! I¡¯m guessing Alicia did your facepaint?¡± ¡°Thank you, and yes,¡± Elena grinned. ¡°Let me guess: you¡¯re a run-away bride?¡± ¡°Yep, you got it!¡± Casey said with a mischievous laugh, plucking at a number-emblazoned runner¡¯s bib that was safety-pinned overtop the wedding dress. ¡°Got me Nikes on and everything! My Mom ran a marathon in Lexington, this was her tag thingie-ma-bob.¡± ¡°Cool!¡± Elena nodded. ¡°I actually ran a 5K with my mom, once. Tabitha jogs in the mornings, I was thinking about really getting into it so I can run with her.¡± ¡°You guys thinking about joining the track team?¡± Casey asked. ¡°One of the dudes in my Geometry class just¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªTabitha? Tabitha Moore?¡± The lone teenage girl who¡¯d been seated on the couch watching the movie jumped to her feet in surprise. She was wearing a very brief dress in surprisingly loud colors made out to resemble the British flag, and her face looked vaguely familiar¡ªbut with her strawberry-blonde hair teased out for whatever Halloween costume she wearing, Tabitha couldn¡¯t quite place where she¡¯d met her before. ¡°I took your notebook,¡± the teen blurted out, staring at Tabitha with wide eyes. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I didn¡¯t even know you, but everyone was saying things and I believed them but I shouldn¡¯t have. Please don¡¯t hate me¡ªI¡¯m so, so sorry. I mean it. I didn¡¯t know anything about how things with you really were, I just¡ª¡± ¡°Clarissa?¡± Tabitha guessed, examining the erstwhile classmate. ¡°Yeah. I didn¡¯t even think you¡¯d know who I was,¡± Clarissa paled. ¡°We¡ªwe never even talked. Tabitha¡ªI¡¯m so, so sorry.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha said, reigning in a brief surge of emotions. ¡°Is it okay if we all sit here with you?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Clarissa readily agreed. ¡°I really am sorry, though¡ª I mean it.¡± 25: The big Halloween bash. The four girls moved to sit in a corner of the living room, with Alicia and Elena joining Tabitha on one couch while Clarissa anxiously took a seat on the adjacent perpendicular one. Several sophomores and juniors from Springton High had arrived that Casey bounced over to talk to, and a few pairs of the youth group boys playing in the room beneath them wandered up the stairs in search of pizza, giving the area a much more lively feel. ¡°Sooo, why¡¯d you have it out for Tabitha?¡± Alicia questioned in a catty voice, scowling over at Clarissa. ¡°What¡¯d she ever do to you, huh?¡± ¡°She didn¡¯t do anything!¡± Clarissa looked from Alicia to Tabitha with tension in her hunched shoulders. ¡°She just¡ªeveryone was saying these things, and I was dumb, and I believed them. I didn¡¯t even know you broke your arm for real until afterwards. They were saying like your cast was fake, because it doesn¡¯t look like a regular cast. I¡¯m so sorry.¡± ¡°Fake?!¡± Alicia demanded. ¡°What, because I drew on it a bit?¡± ¡°Uh, it actually looks really pretty!¡± Clarissa said quickly. ¡°I just thought¡ªuh, we thought that it maybe wasn¡¯t¡­¡± ¡°Clarissa,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath. ¡°I appreciate that you¡¯re apologizing, and I¡¯m not mad at you. I am still feeling very hurt, though. Everything I kept in that binder was important to me¡ªit¡¯s a personal project I¡¯ve been putting a lot of work into. It may seem like I... overreacted, leaving school like that all of the sudden, but I¡¯ve been under a lot of stress. A lot has been happening, and... having my work stolen on top of everything else just made me feel like I wasn¡¯t safe at school anymore.¡± ¡°No no, you were completely¡ªyou didn¡¯t overreact at all,¡± Clarissa stammered. ¡°You like, you got your arm broken, you¡ª¡± ¡°Fractured her wrist,¡± Elena corrected. ¡°Right, fractured your wrist, and everyone was being so mean to you, and all the girls were saying just all of these horrible things! You like, didn¡¯t overreact at all. I¡¯m so sorry. I wasn¡¯t thinking, I didn¡¯t even know you. They¡¯re, uh, they¡¯re going to hold me back a year. For what I did. I¡¯m so sorry. I really wish¡ª¡± ¡°Holding you back a year?¡± Alicia laughed, tapping the pilot helmet she set in her lap. ¡°Hah, serves you right!¡± ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t want you to be held back, Clarissa,¡± Tabitha said, feeling uneasy. ¡°But, what you did was very cruel. I need you to understand that.¡± ¡°I do, I do! What I did was totally messed up, I realize that now,¡± Clarissa said, sounding panicked. ¡°If I could go back and do it all over¡ªI never would. Wish I¡¯d been on your side from the beginning, everyone just¡ª¡± If you could go back and do it all over¡­ Tabitha found herself lost in thought at hearing the words and fell into a daze even as Clarissa frantically continued to apologize. No one else really ever gets to do that. No one but me, I suppose... ¡°¡ªErica Taylor, and then her friends Kaylee and Summer. And, the other sister, uh¡ª Brittney Taylor. They were always saying that you¡ª¡± ¡°Clarissa...¡± Tabitha challenged. ¡°Do you actually think that you and I could be friends?¡± The girl froze, shrinking back from Tabitha with a fearful look. ¡°I¡¯m not saying that to be sarcastic,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Or mean. I want you to really think about it. I never wanted any of this to happen. I don¡¯t want you to be held back a year, and start to resent me for that. All I¡¯ve ever wanted... was to have a normal high school life, a normal life with lots of friends. That¡¯s what I want. ¡°If you really want to be friends with me¡ªI¡¯d like that. I still feel hurt by what you did, but if you¡¯re willing and we can become friends, I¡¯d feel a lot better about everything than them holding you back a year for what you did. Them punishing you doesn¡¯t help me¡ªI need, um, friends, I¡¯m a mess, and I need all the help I can get.¡± ¡°I definitely want to be friends,¡± Clarissa latched onto the idea immediately. ¡°Please, please. If we can¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want you to answer right away,¡± Tabitha cautioned, holding her remaining hand up. ¡°I¡¯m serious¡ªI want you to think about this. Not just react, or make a decision because you think it¡¯ll keep you from getting held back. I¡¯m willing to talk to them about it, but I don¡¯t even know if I have a say in anything they decide. If you¡¯re just saying things and don¡¯t actually think that you would in seriousness want to be friends with me¡ªthat would end up hurting both of us a lot.¡± ¡°I want to be friends,¡± Clarissa insisted. ¡°Please¡ªI really mean it.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Alicia scowled. ¡°Well, there you go; I don¡¯t trust her.¡± ¡°Alicia, shush,¡± Elena said carefully. ¡°I¡¯m... honestly not sure about this, either. But, Tabitha¡ªthat¡¯s a really mature way to look at everything, at all of this. I do like that.¡± It¡¯s a lot more mature than I feel, Tabitha thought to herself, rising up off the sofa. Never thought I¡¯d be so¡ªangry. Bitter. Like, HOW DARE she want forgiveness, after what she did to me. What they all did. I know that¡¯s not fair of me. But then, also¡­ I feel guilty, too. Because, she DID mess up. And, she doesn¡¯t get to go back and redo things like I do. Not unless¡­ not unless I personally set aside my grievances, and give her that chance. Steeling her resolve, Tabitha tossed aside her Flounder plushie and stretched her arms out for a hug. It was hard to see Clarissa as one of the cruel high school bullies, right now. She looked like a terrified teenage girl who¡¯d done something stupid and didn¡¯t know what to do about it. The girl nervously stood, stepped forward and awkwardly embraced her. Even though it was a little weird, Tabitha thought she could feel a tiny bit of the hate she¡¯d carried with her into this life wick away. I mean, I already knew Elena was kind of one of the mean girls from Laurel, but¡­ Tabitha thought to herself with a bitter smile. This feels¡­ good. Better than all those fantasies about GETTING EVEN or making them pay. Feels like¡ªalmost like I¡¯m maybe growing out of being the goblin I used to be. ¡°I¡¯m so, so sorry,¡± Clarissa said in a small voice. ¡°I forgive you,¡± Tabitha said, giving her a comforting squeeze and then releasing her. I really DO forgive her. ¡°It¡¯s okay. Let¡¯s just... put it behind us, alright?¡± ¡°...Really?¡± Clarissa gave her a doubtful look. ¡°I mean¡­¡± ¡°On that note... I have to ask,¡± Elena ticked a finger towards Clarissa. ¡°Ginger Spice?¡± ¡°Uh, yes. I am,¡± Clarissa shot Elena a thankful look. ¡°For Halloween. This is the Union Jack dress like she wore at the Brit awards last year. I¡¯m, um. I¡¯m a huge Spice Girls fan.¡± ¡°I am, too,¡± Elena confided. ¡°Actually a little jealous that I didn¡¯t think of doing that for Halloween. My cat idea was super lame, it¡¯s just what I had from last year.¡± ¡°No no no,¡± Clarissa said quickly. ¡°You look incredible! I¡¯m not good at creative stuff at all, I just, I already had the dress, and I¡¯m always looking for an excuse to wear it.¡± Although Alicia continued to look unimpressed, Tabitha felt a strange sort of relief in seeing Elena making an effort to put Clarissa at ease. The two girls shared Spice Girls small talk while they watched Jack Skellington lament over the denizens of Halloween town misunderstanding him, and more and more people showed up for the party. The couch across from them was eventually occupied by a Green Ranger and his girlfriend who was dressed as a traditional witch with a large pointed hat. They also all got their first glimpse of Matthew, who was wearing the iconic Space Jam basketball uniform, as more of the group downstairs dispersed in search of other activities.
Tabitha wasn¡¯t entirely sure how she felt about the Halloween party. It was fun so far, sort of, but the enjoyment of sitting here with her friends was offset by her trepidation around all of these other people that she¡¯d never met. While she was a bit curious to walk around and see things, she was even more reluctant to abandon the safe foothold of the living room corner they¡¯d laid claim to. When Alicia shared an uneasy smile with her, Tabitha wanted to giggle, because it was both comforting and vexing seeing that she apparently felt the same way about the situation. ¡°Oh my Gosh, hey you guys! You all look so great!¡± Carrie exclaimed with enthusiasm, skipping over towards their couches. ¡°Ugh, Elena! You totally stole my idea!¡± Tabitha looked up with surprise to see that Carrie was dressed almost exactly like Elena had been when she¡¯d shown up at the trailer yesterday. Black pants and a black long-sleeved shirt, with a cat-ear headband and lackluster whiskers painted on her cheeks. Carrie¡¯s chipper smile faltered slightly at seeing that Elena¡¯s cat costume now apparently looked a lot better than anticipated. ¡°Really?¡± Elena mused, giving Carrie a look. ¡°Funny. I was a kitty-cat last year, too, though. Remember?¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªoh, I guess you were, huh?¡± Carrie made a teasing face. ¡°Hah, well geez¡ªone of us has to go change, now.¡± ¡°Looks like that¡¯ll be you, then,¡± Alicia remarked dryly. ¡°Ours was a group effort¡ªTabs picked out her new blouse, and I spent a long time doing ¡®Lena¡¯s facepaint.¡± ¡°¡®Licia helped with the kitty collar, too,¡± Elena added, flicking the jingly bell she wore at her throat with one finger. ¡°Hey, I was just kidding,¡± Carrie snorted. ¡°It¡¯s no big deal if we look the same.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t look the same, though,¡± Clarissa chimed in, looking from Carrie¡¯s costume to Elena¡¯s and back again. ¡°Like, at all.¡± ¡°Why are you even here?¡± Carrie made an ugly face at Clarissa. ¡°Didn¡¯t you got expelled? You got caught stealing stuff, or something?¡± ¡°She¡¯s with us now,¡± Elena said, giving her former friend a chilly look. ¡°Oh, huh. Well, cool, I guess?¡± Carrie blinked. ¡°She¡¯ll fit right in, hah. Guess I¡¯ll catch up with you guys in a bit¡ªI¡¯m gonna go say hi to Matthew, alright?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Elena frowned as Carrie strode on past them into the next room. ¡°Alright.¡± ¡°Sooo¡ªCarrie¡¯s definitely not with us, right?¡± Alicia asked, drumming her fingertips on the pilot helmet she held in her lap. ¡°I guess not,¡± Elena sighed. ¡°Sorry. I was really hoping she¡¯d¡­ I dunno, get over herself, or something.¡± ¡°She¡¯s part of Erica Taylor¡¯s posse,¡± Clarissa added. ¡°Like, for sure.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no¡­ sides, to this,¡± Tabitha insisted. ¡°Or posses, or cliques, factions, party lines or whatever. We¡¯re all just teenage girls, okay? This doesn¡¯t have to be some big dramatic thing. Some of us can be friends, we don¡¯t all have to be friends¡ªit doesn¡¯t mean someone¡¯s against us, if they don¡¯t want to hang out. There¡¯s no sides.¡± ¡°Oh, absolutely!¡± Alicia agreed, throwing Elena an exaggerated wink. ¡°Right, ¡®Lena? Definitely no one taking sides. Wouldn¡¯t that be silly and childish?¡± ¡°Sorry, Tabitha,¡± Elena gave Tabitha a sheepish look. ¡°I did try talking with Carrie before, trying to get her to come around. We used to be friends, it¡¯s just... Carrie¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°No, no¡ªI was being completely serious,¡± Tabitha said in aggravation. ¡°There¡¯s no sides to this.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia elbowed Tabitha and gave another obnoxious wink. ¡°No one¡¯s taking sides¡ªright, guys?¡± ¡°Alicia¡­¡± Tabitha groaned. ¡°I¡¯m on your guys¡¯ side,¡± Clarissa promised. ¡°I swear.¡± ¡°Tabitha! Honey, you¡¯re here! I¡¯m so glad you could make it! ¡± Mrs. Williams called out, stepping into the room with a glass of wine in hand and gesturing for someone to follow. ¡°Sandy, Hannah! Look who it is!¡± ¡°I told you she was here already!¡± The exasperated seven-year-old Hannah dashed forward, proudly holding up a thick Crayola marker. ¡°We found one! Can I sign?¡± ¡°Of course!¡± Tabitha offered up her left arm. Hannah hopped up on the couch beside her, tucked her legs beneath her, and popped off the top of the marker so that she could write her name. The expression of intense focus the little girl made as she began to draw a small ¡®H¡¯ on Tabitha¡¯s cast was precious, and Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Macintire also rounded the corner carrying a glass of wine, and she lit up upon seeing her. ¡°My word, it¡¯s so good to see you! Look at you, the Little Mermaid! You look amazing! All of you girls look amazing!¡± ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Macintire,¡± Tabitha said politely, trying not to blush as everyone in the room seemed to look over in her direction. ¡°It¡¯s good to see you again. Thank you so much for inviting us!¡± The plump Mrs. Williams wore a green and purple medieval gown with a collar and frills, had a dash of lipstick on only the center of her lips, and had her hair brushed up into rather silly-looking bushy piles on top of her head. Mrs. Macintire, on the other hand, wore her dark hair down and had squeezed her slender figure into a salmon-colored medieval corset dress at least a size too small, worn with a small cape. The tops of her breasts bulged out from her costume, and the woman looked more than a little tipsy. ¡°This girl saved my husband¡¯s life,¡± Mrs. Macintire boasted, gesturing towards Tabitha with a lift of her wine glass. ¡°She¡¯s gonna¡ªthey¡¯re gonna give her a medal and everything.¡± ¡°Or at least a special commendation,¡± Mrs. Williams spoke up with a twinkle in her eye. ¡°Maybe not a medal, but¡ª¡± ¡°No, they¡¯re gonna give her a medal, or, or I¡¯m gonna throw a fit!¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled softly, taking a quick sip from her glass. ¡°They¡¯re gonna throw a big ceremony in her honor, soon as my hubby¡¯s transferred back here to Springton.¡± ¡°I just did what anyone would have done,¡± Tabitha said with a guilty look, quickly turning to Alicia. ¡°Alicia was there, too¡ªshe helped.¡± ¡°No no no!¡± Alicia held up her hands. ¡°I mostly just stood there like an idiot.¡± ¡°You helped talk with the dispatcher!¡± Tabitha persisted. ¡°Tabitha did everything, I was just useless,¡± Alicia denied involvement. ¡°I had no idea what to do¡ªI was just standing there, bawling my eyes out.¡± ¡°Alicia Brooks¡ªI remember you from the news clip,¡± Mrs. Macintire stepped in to give her a small hug with her free hand. ¡°Thank you for being there. I didn¡¯t know what to do either, for days. I was just, I was just in complete shock. Don¡¯t any of you girls ever marry a policeman!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t ever marry a policeman,¡± Mrs. Williams agreed, taking another generous sip of wine. ¡°Whenever any trouble happens, that¡¯s right where they have to be. It¡¯s the worst!¡± ¡°It is,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded. ¡°It¡¯s all just¡ªthey¡¯re the worst.¡± ¡°...How much wine have you ladies had tonight?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Oh, would you like some?¡± Mrs. Williams beamed at her with rosy cheeks. ¡°We can fetch you a glass. It¡¯s non-alcoholic! Practically.¡± ¡°Practically!¡± Mrs. Macintire let out a giggle. ¡°I¡¯ll... think about it,¡± Tabitha said with a polite smile. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°So, I¡¯ve heard through the grapevine that you¡¯re taking a breather from school,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°How have things been? We¡¯ve all been worried sick about you. Are you going to that expulsion hearing tomorrow?¡± ¡°I am,¡± Tabitha paused, feeling her shoulders go stiff. ¡°I think¡­ I¡¯m going to request that the school board to be as lenient as possible. To everyone. I don¡¯t like that they¡¯d all get in such serious trouble because of me.¡± The two adult women exchanged glances, and Mrs. Williams took another hearty swig of wine while Mrs. Macintire scoffed. ¡°That¡¯s real sweet of you,¡± Mrs. Macintire said cautiously. ¡°But, me? I hope they get the book thrown at them! Especially that quarter back boy¡ªthere¡¯s no justifying what he did, not no way, no how.¡± ¡°Running back boy,¡± Mrs. Williams corrected. ¡°I don¡¯t give a damn what he was, he¡¯s a violent criminal,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head in consternation and quickly downed the rest of her wine glass. ¡°It¡¯s all fine and dandy if he wants to break some boy¡¯s bones playing football, but¡ª¡± ¡°Running back, Sandy,¡± Mrs. Williams rolled her eyes in exasperation. ¡°He run run runs, he runs away from the big scary bone breaking. From what I heard, he even tried to skedaddle away after pushing poor Tabitha.¡± ¡°Rotten little fucking weasel,¡± Mrs. Macintire spat fiercely. ¡°They should break his fucking¡ª¡± ¡°Sandy!¡± Mrs. Williams cut in, giving her friend a gentle slap on the arm. ¡°Sorry, girls¡ªthe situation¡¯s just so upsetting, and the Verona has loosened her lips! We just wanted to say that we¡¯re both gonna be at the hearing tomorrow, and we¡¯ll make sure everyone gets just what¡¯s coming to them!¡± Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. ¡°And then some,¡± Mrs. Macintire growled. ¡°Yes, yes, and then some,¡± Mrs. Williams promised, taking another sip. ¡°Oh, Miss Clarissa¡ªI didn¡¯t see you there. I hope you¡¯re behaving yourself tonight?¡± ¡°...Yes Ma¡¯am,¡± Clarissa said in a quiet voice, having gone very, very still while the two women talked. ¡°Good, good!¡± Mrs. Williams had a meaningful gleam in her eye for a moment. ¡°Well, we¡¯ll get out of your hair. Come along, Hannah honey. There¡¯s all sorts of snacks and pizza and soda in the other room, you girls just help yourselves, of course. Feel free to roam around! There¡¯s ping pong downstairs.¡± ¡°We will,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°I¡¯m all done,¡± Hannah reported, wiping imaginary sweat from her brow with the back of her hand in a charming little gesture. ¡°Phew!¡± HANNAH MACINTIRE was spelled out in somewhat crooked letters, with part of her last name passing through several of the lines Alicia had drawn because it wouldn¡¯t fit without writing over them. ¡°Good job, Hannah!¡± Tabitha praised. ¡°Thanks!¡± Hannah said with a proud grin, sliding off the couch and running back over to return the borrowed marker to Mrs. Williams. ¡°Oh¡ªby any chance, did you recognize our costumes?¡± Mrs. William asked, striking a dainty pose. ¡°You¡¯re the Sanderson sisters?¡± Alicia blurted out with a grin. ¡°From Hocus Pocus?¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Mrs. William laughed, stamping her foot. ¡°Finally, someone gets it! Almost makes it worth putting up my stupid hair like this. Alright, girls. Have fun!¡± ¡°Hey, Tabby,¡± Carrie trotted over. ¡°Can I see you alone for a sec?¡± ¡°What is it?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°It¡¯s nothing major,¡± Carrie smiled. ¡°Someone just wants to talk to you, out on the porch.¡± ¡°Who?¡± Elena asked with a suspicious scowl, crossing her arms. ¡°Just someone, okay?¡± Carrie snorted. ¡°Don¡¯t be all nosy. It¡¯ll only take a minute.¡± ¡°...Who is it?¡± Tabitha asked. She exchanged glances with Elena, and Clarissa took that as her cue to hop up and step over towards the nearest window, where she could peek out at an angle to see the rest of the lakehouse¡¯s wrap-around porch. ¡°Just someone,¡± Carrie repeated with a shrug. ¡°It¡¯s not a huge deal. Can you come talk to them, or not?¡± ¡°Uhhh, are you out of your fucking mind?¡± Clarissa called over. ¡°Erica Taylor¡¯s out there. With a fucking baseball bat.¡± ¡°Just someone, huh?¡± Elena gave Carrie an incredulous look. ¡°What the fuck, Carrie?¡± ¡°Fucking waaah,¡± Carrie sneered. ¡°Knew you¡¯d pussy out if I told you who it was. Jesus Christ, chill. She just wants to apologize to Tabitha. Alone.¡± ¡°Apologize to her with a baseball bat?¡± Clarissa hissed. ¡°Carrie, what the fu¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a bat, it¡¯s Louisville Slugger. Hello? S¡¯part of her costume, dorks,¡± Carrie rolled her eyes. ¡°She¡¯s not gonna friggin¡¯ attack you with it. Look, see? She¡¯s a Cardinals player for Halloween, duh. Go fucking talk to her already. God damn, all of you are such pussies.¡± ¡°Yeah, right!¡± Clarissa said angrily. ¡°Look at how pissed she looks. Don¡¯t go out there, Tabitha.¡± ¡°Of course she¡¯s pissed,¡± Carrie muttered. ¡°She¡¯s got reason to be pissed.¡± ¡°Reason? Such as?¡± Elena arched an eyebrow. ¡°What reason, Carrie?¡± ¡°All this bullshit she¡¯s going through with Tabitha,¡± Carrie waved a hand dismissively and gave Tabitha a slight smirk. ¡°Are you gonna go talk to her like a grown up, or do I go tell her you¡¯re too much of a pussy?¡± ¡°Quit saying pussy¡ªwhat are you, twelve?¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s just fine where she is. If someone wants to discuss anything, she can come in here where we are.¡± ¡°She wants to talk to her alone,¡± Carrie looked at Elena as if she was an idiot. ¡°Like, privately.¡± ¡°Yeah, I bet she does,¡± Elena rebuked. ¡°But, we don¡¯t always get what we want, do we? She can apologize with all of us in here, or she can piss off.¡± ¡°Hah, okay,¡± Carrie said with a sarcastic laugh, heading back outside to tell Erica. ¡°Whatever, pussy. Pussies. Hide out in here all you want, see what happens.¡± Tabitha stood up and took a hesitant step forward, feeling her body start to go stiff with tension. ¡°No,¡± Elena said in firm refusal. ¡°No, you¡¯re not going out there. If Erica wants to talk, then she can¡ª¡± The french doors opened and Erica Taylor stepped inside, stalking forward with a glare locked directly on Tabitha. She hadn¡¯t been reacquainted with any of the Taylor girls since coming back to this life, and didn¡¯t quite recognize the teenager, beyond feeling there was something vaguely familiar about the set of her eyes and cant of her nose. Erica had dark brown hair pulled into a ponytail beneath a Cardinals cap, worn with a matching jersey but with white jeans in lieu of baseball pants. A wooden bat was held in hand, and the only other thing anyone would glean from this first new impression was that Erica Taylor¡¯s posture, demeanor, and expression were all extremely fucking hostile. This... is bad, Tabitha thought, feeling her heart race. REALLY bad. ¡°What the fuck... is wrong with you?¡± Erica asked in quiet, vicious voice. ¡°...Excuse me?¡± Tabitha managed to say. Tabitha couldn¡¯t imagine how it was even possible, but Erica Taylor was already worked up somehow into a simmering rage, and it was visibly clear that her fury was about to boil over and spill out in a horrible way. The taller girl¡¯s chest was quickly rising and falling, her nostrils were flaring, and her pupils were dilated, seeming to tremble with whatever scarcely-contained insanity had driven her here. The Louisville slugger wasn¡¯t casually held at her side¡ªit was held low and very still. Like a weapon. ¡°What the fuck. Ever. Gave you the right. To take things from us?¡± Erica bit out, speaking with gnashes of her teeth and clenches of her jaw. ¡°I haven¡¯t taken anything from you,¡± Tabitha protested, feeling panic starting to rise up from within her. TAKE things? ¡°You didn¡¯t fucking take anything from me?!¡± Erica bared her teeth, her face twisting with hatred. Erica Taylor stalked forward a step, and the slugger in her hand wavered as the girl wrung the handle in a white-knuckled grip. Although Tabitha wasn¡¯t by herself¡ªshe didn¡¯t even want to imagine being trapped alone in a room with Erica right now¡ªboth Alicia and Elena seemed to be frozen with fear, and the other random people throughout the room seemed to be stunned into silence. Clarissa had been lingering nervously at the edge of the room, and Tabitha heard her scurry out of the room, running out and abandoning them. Not abandoning¡ªshe¡¯s probably getting one of the adults, Tabitha realized, fighting the urge to not simply bolt herself. She¡¯ll be back with help. I hope. ¡°First, it was my makeup,¡± Erica hissed. ¡°Then, Brittney¡¯s makeup. Then, it was our shoes. My Spanish book. My favorite fucking jeans. Brittney¡¯s new headphones. The Vera Bradley bag that I got for Christmas¡ªhow much did you get for that one? My fucking shampoo. Who the fuck steals shampoo? Peefy Poofy. We had Peefy Poofy since I was like, two fucking years old, and you took him away from me? For WHAT? WHY? He was a fucking stuffed animal, he wasn¡¯t worth anything to anyone but me. But you took him anyways.¡± What¡­ is she TALKING about?! Tabitha found herself completely bewildered. Is she¡ªis she bipolar? On drugs?! This is, it¡¯s crazy, she¡¯s... she needs to calm down, someone needs to calm her down from whatever this is. We can¡¯t talk like this. Can we not do this? ¡°Ashlee always making excuses for you. Guess what? IT¡¯S. NOT. EVER. OKAY. TO. TAKE. THINGS. FROM. US. Don¡¯t care how fucking poor you are, or if you¡¯re fucking starving¡ªor if your whole fucking trailer trash family¡¯s starving to death because you¡¯re so fucking poor. You don¡¯t get to just take things from us, you trailer trash fucking goblin.¡± ¡°Erica¡ª¡± Elena started. ¡°Shut the fuck up and stay out of this,¡± Erica snarled with a vehement glare. ¡°Fucking. Stay out of it!¡± Oh, no, Tabitha realized in horror as she finally put it all together. Oh, Ashlee¡ªAshlee, what have you done? There weren¡¯t many things she could remember from her childhood, but what Tabitha did remember was that both her and Ashlee had been terrified of the older Taylor sisters. She remembered feeling small and helpless all too clearly. Ashlee was terrified, Tabitha swallowed uneasily. She was so much smaller, she didn¡¯t have any way to fight back. Not in person. But, when they¡¯re gone, how easy would it be for Ashlee to exact every little petty revenge? To take and hide their things, or throw them out? I was easy to blame. Of course I was¡ªI wasn¡¯t there for her, anymore. I abandoned her, because I was afraid. Then, she blamed me for stealing their things, because she was afraid. What a pair of friends we are. ¡°And now?¡± Erica panted with unbridled fury, ¡°NOW¡ªYOU THINK YOU CAN FUCKING TAKE OUR SISTER AWAY FROM US?¡± They found bruises on Ashlee, then, Tabitha flinched, feeling her throat go dry. They found bruises, and then of course they separ¡ª Erica exploded into violence. The Louisville Slugger swung at Tabitha so fast that it cut a hissing arc through the air, and out of pure trembling reflex, Tabitha managed to shift into a back stance. She even attempted a Taekwondo block to prevent the wooden bat from slamming into the side of her head¡ªall too late realizing that that actually put her already-injured hand right into harm¡¯s way. Blinding, white-hot shards of agony jolted up her arm the instant the Louisville Slugger cracked into the blue cast. Oh no no no stupid you don¡¯t TRY TO BLOCK A BAT, her mind raced, but Erica Taylor was already swinging again, and all Tabitha could think to do was backpedal and attempt to keep her arms up in front of her face. Someone behind her was screaming, shrieking, really, and Tabitha was momentarily blinded with pain as the second strike glanced off of her fingertips, again clipping her left hand with the cast. Terrified that they were broken¡ªsurely everything was broken now¡ªTabitha continued to stumble backwards, this time tucking her left hand, or whatever was left of it, in close against her chin. Recoiling from the assault in a panic, her back foot encountered the edge of some piece of furniture¡ªshe couldn¡¯t recall where the couches behind her were positioned anymore, and she lost her balance, unable to retreat. When the next swing crashed into the side of her head, Tabitha didn¡¯t feel anything at all. She simply watched the room spin wildly in a distant, somewhat detached daze. The Green Ranger who¡¯d been sitting across from them had apparently leapt off of his couch and rushed to intercept Erica, but it was already far, far too late to make a difference. Tabitha fell, and her face pressed into a floor. The plush carpet immediately flecked with tiny little beads of blood, and Tabitha fought to wake up enough to remember why that was a very bad thing as those spots of blood swimming into and out of focus quickly began to multiply. There was pain. It was hard to tell how bad it was, however, with how dizzy and disjointed everything felt, how wrong the sensation was. Tabitha let out a single choked sputter, and there was more blood now. Her eyes were watering too much now to keep them open, and she simply squeezed them shut and tried her very best not to exist. The intense, debilitating hurt manifested as a steadily growing pressure, as if her head was pinned in place there on the floor by the crushing force of some steel beam. Her last thought, as her consciousness slipped off into darkness and she fainted was that she understood. She understood what had happened, now¡ªwhy the girls had bullied her¡ªand even though she already knew that it wasn¡¯t fair, she wanted another try anyways. Just one more try. Then the bleed on her brain opened up, and all Tabitha Moore could hear was that familiar annoying whirring resonation sound of the MRI.
Casey was halfway down the stairs to the rec room again with a cheap plastic cup in hand when she heard the screaming. Screaming, and then shouting¡ªthe thumps of something being struck, and then breaking glass and more screaming. The shrill pitch of some of the shrieking sounded like it was coming from Hannah, so Casey hastily turned and dashed back up the landing to see what the hell was going on up there, covering the top of her drink with one hand so soda wouldn¡¯t slop everywhere. It was a scene of utter mayhem. Everyone seemed to be arriving all at once to see Officer Williams squatting over a screaming teenage girl, with a knee pinning her shoulder to the ground and one hand violently shoving the girl¡¯s skull to the floor. Michael was standing beside them, his girlfriend Olivia fretting over a cut on his arm that had ripped his flimsy Green Ranger costume. It was clear that Michael or someone had taken Erica Taylor down in some sort of running tackle, that they¡¯d crashed partway into a nearby entertainment center, breaking one of the glass panels that protected an expensive sound system. Oh¡ªoh my God. What the fuck did she DO?! The scene should have looked silly, because Matthew¡¯s dad had chosen to wear a cheap policeman costume for the Halloween party. It had been hilarious to see earlier, with Mr. Williams in a parody facsimile of his normal uniform¡ªbut right now, he looked like a one hundred percent deadly serious, extremely pissed off cop. Beneath him, Erica Taylor was shrieking incoherently and flailing her limbs, trying to buck the stocky and much larger police officer off of her. What the fuck. ¡°¡ªbeamed her in the head, she¡¯s completely out cold. She won¡¯t stop bleeding, and¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªphone to call 911? I think she¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªTabitha? Tabitha can you hear me?¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªbiiithaaa, noooooo!! Taabbiithaaaa¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªmy keys, I¡¯ll get her to the hospital right away¡ª¡± ¡°Shut up, everyone shut up!¡± Officer Williams roared, and for a brief moment everyone fell silent but the screaming Erica Taylor and the wailing little girl Hannah. ¡°Hun, you¡¯ve been drinking, you¡¯re not driving anywhere. Where¡¯s Matthew?! Sandy¡ªdammit, take Hannah upstairs, get her out of here!¡± ¡°I¡¯m here!¡± Matthew called out, only now just bounding up the stairs. ¡°What the¡ª¡± ¡°Get over here, now,¡± Officer Williams commanded. ¡°Hold her to the fucking floor and keep her there. Tabitha¡¯s hurt.¡± Tabitha¡¯s hurt? Oh¡ªOH SHIT. It was difficult to notice at first because so many people were standing around staring, but she realized in shock and horror Tabitha was sprawled and unmoving in front of one the couches, with both Elena and Alicia crouched over her. The redhead¡¯s left arm was splayed out across the floor, and the orthopedic cast was broken along the side, with tufts of white bandage visible through a split in the fiberglass. There were drips and smears of blood all over the floor, and a smudged baseball bat rolled away as Alicia unknowingly kicked it backwards with her costume boot. Jesus Christ! ¡°Yeah. Uh. Where is Ta¡ª¡± Matthew trailed off, following everyone¡¯s line of sight to stare in alarm at the frail-looking unconscious girl. Clarissa brushed past him with the entire napkin-holder from the kitchen, frantically pulling out one napkin after another and passing them over to Elena. ¡°Do we call 911?¡± Mrs. Williams stammered. ¡°Or drive her to the hospital ourselves? Rob, a goddamned ambulance¡¯ll take half an hour just to get out here, and¡ª¡± ¡°Let me take a look,¡± Her husband grunted, scowling momentarily as Matthew took over pinning Erica Taylor to the floor. The teenage girl was sobbing, but she continued to wildly scream and thrash. ¡°You¡¯re never supposed to move someone with head trauma.¡± ¡°Her nose is bleeding,¡± Alicia reported in a shaky voice. ¡°It-it won¡¯t stop bleeding.¡± ¡°Give me some space,¡± Officer Williams motioned everyone aside and knelt down over Tabitha and began to quickly examine her. ¡°¡ªeven happened? I thought Erica Taylor got suspended, so why is she even¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªraving all crazy, she starts hitting Tabitha with a bat, so Michael tackles her¡ª¡± ¡°Are we fucking calling 911 or not?¡± Mrs. Williams yelled. ¡°No. We need to take her in now,¡± Officer Williams said, frowning. ¡°Someone get a car started.¡± ¡°I¡¯m on it,¡± Casey said, hurriedly planting her cup on a nearby surface and already shucking off the restrictive wedding dress. ¡°H-how bad is it?¡± Mrs. Williams demanded. ¡°How bad is¡ª¡± ¡°Severe head trauma¡ªout cold, steady nosebleed,¡± Officer Williams swore under his breath. ¡°She¡¯s got one giant pupil and one tiny one¡ªthere¡¯s a good chance she¡¯s hemorrhaging. We need to get her to the emergency room, now. Did I see one of you park a Chevy Blazer?¡± ¡°That¡¯s me!¡± Casey called over. ¡°Well, uh, I¡¯ve got a Jimmy. I¡¯ll go get her started.¡± ¡°¡ªokay to move her if she¡¯s concussed? I mean, I heard when there¡¯s any sort of¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªout of nowhere, this bitch completely flipped out, went totally ballistic¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªor, or maybe use the folding cot downstairs as a medevac litter? If it¡¯s not safe to¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªHannah honey, calm down, calm down. Everything¡¯s going to be okay, sh-she¡¯s¡ª¡± With everyone talking over each other, they all seemed too preoccupied to notice that Casey hadn¡¯t worn a shirt or a bra beneath the bridal gown costume. Silently cursing to herself, she scrambled to the french doors, stealing Matthew¡¯s familiar WildCats hoodie from the coats hanging there. She awkwardly shrugged it on, scrambling out the door and then taking the porch steps down two at a time. Icy terror was blossoming in her gut as she fumbled to dig her keys out of the track pants she¡¯d been wearing as part of her outfit. Psycho actually showed up and attacked Tabby WHILE EVERYONE WAS HERE? Casey was off the porch at a dead run, her Nikes crunching across the gravel towards her parked Jimmy. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck. Who THE FUCK even let Erica Taylor in? Her 1992 GMC Jimmy was a midsize SUV¡ªgarnet-red, angular, a little boxy-looking, and always altogether beautiful to her. As a sixteen-year-old Junior, she absolutely adored her Jimmy with its angel wings decal adorning the tailgate window. It was an extension of herself, the vehicle was the freedom and power to get around anywhere and everywhere she wanted to go. Right now, it would hopefully get Tabitha to some medical attention in time to make a difference. Casey frantically unlocked the door, yanked it open, and jumped inside. ¡°C¡¯mon baby, c¡¯mon¡ªyou can do it, girl,¡± Casey pleaded as she tried the ignition. The startup grumble sound the engine made was¡­ not good, but probably still okay. She did take good care of her vehicle, but some persistent problem with the distributor kept the check engine light on no matter what work she had done on it. After a nervous moment or two, the engine obediently purred into a steady rumble. ¡°That¡¯s my girl!¡± Casey whispered proudly, patting a hand on top of the dash. ¡°C¡¯mon baby, let¡¯s go!¡± When she pulled around to idle in front of the lakehouse, Matthew was already stepping outside onto the veranda, cradling Tabitha¡¯s slight figure in a princess carry. Mrs. Williams, Elena, and Alicia were all following him down the steps, and Casey nervously toggled the automatic locks to make sure that they¡¯d be able to open the Jimmy¡¯s doors without any delays. ¡°¡ªover around to the other side, help me get her in¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªto call her parents? Do you need me to call your¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªnose still won¡¯t stop bleeding. Gimme all of those, I¡¯ll sit with¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªsquad car isn¡¯t here, so there¡¯s no safe place to lock her up¡ª¡± ¡°Get in, get in,¡± Casey urged, the moment they had one of the rear doors open. ¡°Shove everything anywhere. Hurry up.¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna ride with Matthew¡¯s dad, we¡¯ll be right behind you,¡± Alicia said, pushing Elena forward. ¡°He¡¯s gonna have Erica Taylor with him. I want to see her fucking locked up.¡± ¡°Are you sure? It¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Go, just go,¡± Alicia¡¯s voice broke, and she shoved her again. ¡°Take care of her. Fuck.¡± ¡°Is Tabitha okay?¡± Mrs. Macintire was climbing unsteadily down the porch stairs after them. ¡°Is she¡ª¡± ¡°Climb up in with Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Williams told Matthew, her features taut with tension and wet with tears. ¡°Try to keep her upright while you¡ªyeah. Hold her head. Okay. Okay, like that.¡± Casey impatiently tapped the driver¡¯s wheel, twisting in her seat to watch. The Jimmy rocked slightly as three people climbed in, managing to ease Tabitha into position on the rear bench. The girl was situated across both Matthew and Elena, with Elena holding Tabitha¡¯s head and gently blotting the girl¡¯s bleeding nose with a handful of napkins. Mrs. Williams opened the passengers-side door and got in, immediately turning to see how they were doing. ¡°We¡¯ve got her,¡± Matthew said, hunched over and securing Tabitha to ensure she wasn¡¯t jostled too severely. ¡°We¡¯re in¡ªgo, let¡¯s go.¡± ¡°Be careful,¡± Mrs. Macintire sobbed, slapping a hand on the window. ¡°Drive safe. Please be okay Tabitha, please¡ª¡± Casey eased her foot down on the gas pedal and the Jimmy steadily accelerated away, roaring down the hedge-lined driveway and off into the night. 26: No way forward, no way back. A terrible screeching sounded out from the prototype MRI machine in the Emsie St. Juarez Pediatrics ward. The volume of the discordant squeal rose in both pitch and volume until it was an atrocious shriek, physically painful to hear, before muting with an unsettling pop as the electrical breaker finally blew out. All of the passersby within a several block vicinity of the facility cringed, many with their hands subconsciously rising up in a gesture to protect their ears¡ªand then the power went out across all of Jefferson county. Thirteen-year-old Tabitha Moore lay silent and completely still within the device when the backup power came online within the MRI room. A wispy blanket of acrid black smoke poured out of the enormous prototype contraption, and immediately choked the now very warm room¡ªthe fire alarm went off a moment later. The intense pain of Tabitha¡¯s sudden head trauma had only just begun to subside, and it felt like she¡¯d been staring in a daze at blood droplets dappling the floor of the Williams family lakehouse only moments ago. Staring now in disbelief at her own now too-plump hands, Tabitha Moore sagged beneath an anguished, horrifying sense of loss. She was back to the beginning all over again. No¡ªoh no, no, NO! Tabitha sobbed, quaking within the hospital gown she found herself caught in. No. No. No no no. Oh God please, no. You can¡¯t¡ªyou can¡¯t take all of that away from me. I can¡¯t do this again. You can¡¯t take all of them away from me. YOU CAN¡¯T. ¡°Jesus fricking Christ!¡± The door across the copper-lined wall shielding of the room burst open and a technician rushed in, followed by a furious Mr. Moore. Tabitha¡¯s ears still rung from the otherworldly clamor of the MRI going berserk, but she still heard her father yelling the same exact words as last time. ¡°You get her the frick out of there!¡± Every unwelcome sight her teary eyes took in confirmed the worst. The blue orthopedic cast with Alicia¡¯s artwork on it¡ªwith her close friends signatures on it¡ªhad vanished like it never existed at all, revealing a pudgy but unbroken wrist and hand. Gone too were the lean, graceful muscles she¡¯d honed over the summer, her hard-earned trim physique now once again just soft, doughy fat. It was the least of her worries now, but it still took all the self-control she could muster to not frantically claw and tear at the excess rolls of blubber with her nails. I-I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t. I-I can¡¯t DO this again! Several figures pushed through the swirl of smoke and managed to pull the sliding examination table out of the enormous cylindrical aperture of the prototype MRI. It was unbearably hot now, and to her horror, in the waning light of the smoke-filled room Tabitha discovered that her fingers now appeared bloated, looking like stumpy-looking sausage appendages. In fact, she felt grotesquely swollen all over, her tissues... expanded, like a marshmallow microwaved for too long. Terror took over. Her breath hitched into tiny, useless gasps for air as she began to hyperventilate, and as the people were trying to help sit her up she realized her entire body was now shrunken, misshapen, her center of gravity agreeing that something was terribly wrong with her. Eyes stinging with tears, Tabitha looked up into the worried face of her father, and quietly began to have a nervous breakdown.
There was little for her to say on the trip back home, and much of it passed by Tabitha in a blur. Her existence had only been rolled back by six months this time, but the significance of each of those lost moments took a heavier toll than losing the forty-seven years had before. She was shell-shocked and completely disconsolate, and none of her father¡¯s increasingly concerned questions or strained assurances could penetrate through the raw trauma of the ordeal. Tabitha shrunk over against the passenger door, curled up her loathsome portly body as much as she was able, and wept quietly into her hands for the entire ride. After they arrived back in Sunset Estate¡¯s lower park, Mr. Moore parked his truck and then got out, crossing around the vehicle to pull open Tabitha¡¯s door and envelop her in a hug. She discovered she was still just full of more tears to cry, and she did, sobbing and wailing while she hid her face against his shoulder just in front of their mobile home. The sun was setting by the time she calmed down, but she was reluctant to follow him inside. It was bad. The interior of the trailer was the same awful mess it had been the last time; the carpet was dark and greasy, dirty dishes were abandoned everywhere, the air was so stagnant and thick with body odor it was stifling, and it was dark. The windows were once again all covered, all offending outside light smothered out with the blankets Mrs. Moore had tacked up over them. Not only did Tabitha have no motivation to clean everything up all over again¡ªthe feeling of being trapped in here again nearly worked herself up into another crying fit. Already trapped in this repulsive fucking body again, Tabitha thought, glaring down her fat arm at the hand with its chubby digits with a scowl. Least my wrist¡¯s not fractured anymore. Just¡­ it¡¯s so hard to even feel positive about that. And... my head is still pounding. Was my head hurting THIS much from the trampoline fall last time? Mrs. Moore looked fifteen pounds heavier than Tabitha remembered, the first obvious indication she¡¯d seen that the future Shannon Moore had gradually been losing weight up through Halloween. Not that it fucking matters now. Even moreso than a bit heavier and dumpier-looking, her mother looked resigned; defeated. The unattractive frown lines in her face just beginning to droop into jowls, and her eyes were dead and uncaring. It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s not fair. The gripping sadness Tabitha felt at seeing her mother back like this again was unbearable, a melancholy so intense that it staggered her, and she forced herself to hurry past Mrs. Moore. Things were so different. Everything was getting so much better. I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m gonna lose it. I¡¯m losing it. I can¡¯t do this again.
Dinner was baked beans and toasted bread. ¡°Hope you¡¯ve learned yer lesson ¡®bout those trampoline jumpers,¡± Mrs. Moore shook her head in dismay. ¡°Yer lucky you didn¡¯t break yer neck.¡± ¡°Yes, Momma,¡± Tabitha nodded, not daring to meet her mother¡¯s eyes. ¡°Hmph,¡± Mrs. Moore let out a disapproving snort and then continued to noisily fork baked beans into her mouth. Somewhere, buried deep beneath the fatty tissue of this TRAILER TRASH awful HAG of a woman... is a former model and aspiring actress, Tabitha thought. It was difficult to believe. How did she come TO THIS? Is it like a role she assumed and just kind of lost herself in? Is any of this FEIGNED? Or, is this just the real Shannon Moore, when you¡¯ve stripped away all of her hopes and dreams, when she¡¯s fallen far, far past caring about anything or anyone? The prospect was a little sickening, and Tabitha tried not to think about what must have happened to Shannon Moore all those years ago on the film set of Lucas. She honestly didn¡¯t ever want to think about that, or think about anything, right now. A migraine was continuing to grip her head in a phantom vice, and she was completely burnt out, emotionally exhausted from all of the recent misery. Rather than thinking or speaking, Tabitha carefully ate her portion of baked beans. Each forkful she removed from her helping, however, revealed a familiar cream-colored plate with a pink floral motif¡ªthe very same one her father had angrily dashed into a wall what felt like some months ago. The recognition brought her nausea back in full force, and she shoved the plate back from her place at the table and made an awkward run down the hallway towards the toilet to throw up. I¡ªdon¡¯t want to do this again, Tabitha thought as she hurled. I REALLY don¡¯t want to do this all again. ¡°Tabitha sweetie?¡± Her father called over. ¡°You okay?¡± ¡°I threw up,¡± Tabitha reported in a hoarse voice, stumbling towards the sink with her gaze averted. She refused to see her reflection in the bathroom mirror right now. ¡°You threw up? Are you okay?¡± ¡°...I threw up,¡± Tabitha repeated in frustration, dabbing water from the faucet across her face and then reaching for her toothbrush. ¡°I¡¯m okay. I just threw up. I don¡¯t feel good.¡± ¡°Well¡­ alright, Sweetie,¡± her father sounded unsure. ¡°You finishing yer dinner?¡± Tabitha accidentally looked up into the mirror, and a teary-eyed overweight goblin of a little girl glared back at her. It wasn¡¯t a face she ever wanted to see again, and it took some presence of mind to keep her trembling hands from reaching up and clawing at her fleshy cheeks in dismay. She hated seeing this overweight face again, hated it, HATED IT. ¡°No,¡± Tabitha all but snarled out in anger. ¡°I¡¯m not finishing my dinner.¡±
Rather than beg off attendance like she had the previous time, Tabitha decided to just go to school the day after her MRI. After all, she was certainly in no hurry to bend over backwards cleaning house all over again. Instead she got dressed, disinterestedly chewed her way through a bowl of slightly stale, generic-brand Apple Jacks¡ªwithout milk, the Moore family didn¡¯t seem to keep milk stocked in the fridge¡ªand then shuffled off to the bus stop in her grotesque, fat little body. When it arrived, she climbed aboard, unnoticed and ignored by the other middle-schoolers. How many times am I going to go through this¡­ this fucking FARCE? Tabitha wondered. Her mental state was deteriorating to begin with, and her spirit flagged further as she watched the morning scenery crawl by outside the bus window. The first time she¡¯d left a life behind, Tabitha had been sixty years old¡ªshe¡¯d had acquaintances rather than actual friends, and she didn¡¯t leave behind anyone she was terribly attached to like a pet or a significant other. This time, the friendships she¡¯d fostered with Alicia and Elena had been painfully torn away from her, as if those experiences never existed. Losing them made her heart ache in ways she would never be able to put into words. The difficulties and happenstance she¡¯d gone through getting close to her mother weren¡¯t something she thought she could duplicate naturally either, and picking apart their complicated relationship with what she knew now felt¡­ wrong. I¡¯m... not going to make it, am I? Tabitha thought with a bitter grimace, resting her forehead on the back of the bus seat in front of her. If this THING I¡¯m caught up in is going to repeat itself over and over, if it¡¯s some kind of time loop¡­ I¡¯m not gonna make it. All the foreknowledge and experience in the world won¡¯t spare me from severe clinical depression. Maybe SOMEONE could become hardened enough, jaded or DETACHED enough to cope with all of this¡ªbut it won¡¯t be ME. Isn¡¯t all of this mess way, WAY fucking worse than where I started from last time? Her mood continued to plummet upon arriving at Laurel middle school, and after climbing down off the bus, her unenthusiastic shuffle became totally discouraged plodding. Middle School. Middle school. Tabitha slowly picked her way towards the portable where Mrs. Hodge taught language arts¡ªby first bell, the other students passing by made her feel like a squat stone stuck in the flow of a lively stream. When she stepped up into the classroom this time, however, she recognized several faces. An eighth-grade Elena Seelbaugh turned a derisive glance away from her when Tabitha looked over. The blonde teen instead leaned over to whisper something to her friend... Carrie. Tabitha knew it wasn¡¯t rational to expect anything else from the situation, but the raw hurt that dropped on her was a crushing weight upon her psyche, and then the feeling of betrayal all but buried her. Clenching her teeth and blinking back tears, Tabitha waddled the overweight, rotund body she detested more than anything over to her assigned seat and climbed into it, gripping the edge of the desk and trying to reign in her emotions. It was impossible. Anger and shame rolled over her like waves, crashing again and again into jagged despair and sending up the tumultuous surf and spray of agony. Tabitha hadn¡¯t quite taken a moment to dwell on the implications of her current situation until now, but she was increasingly sure that she¡¯d been violently murdered by Erica Taylor at the Halloween party. Violently murdered. What felt like yesterday to her. The sheer shock and horror of it all weren¡¯t something she felt equipped to cope with. Are lives really so¡­ fragile? A really good hit to the temple with a baseball bat, and it¡¯s just¡­ OVER? Just like that? It¡¯s suddenly all over? It certainly seemed logical, but she found herself in disbelief and denial all the same. Hell¡ªI wish it really WAS over. I¡¯d rather it all be over than live through it all a THIRD FUCKING TIME. ¡°Good morning, everyone,¡± Mrs. Hodge called out. ¡°After announcements and pledge of allegiance we¡¯re going through the last parts of our review section, and then I¡¯m going to be giving out a language arts practice test. The practice test doesn¡¯t count towards your grade, but it does include all the material that¡¯ll be on the actual final, so I want you to please take it seriously. Some of you boys still have homework you haven¡¯t turned in, so¡ª¡± And CARRIE! Tabitha fumed, unable to bring herself to care about eighth grade language arts. Carrie tried to lure me out of the party, to where I¡¯d be alone with Erica! She HAD to have known what Erica was going to do! The shock of returning back to May of 1998 again had occupied her until now, but when morning announcements came on over the school intercom, Tabitha was playing the Halloween party back over again in her head. It should have been safe¡ªthe party was SUPPOSED to be a safe place to meet Erica, Tabitha scowled. A lot of people were there. Officer Williams was there, there was ADULT PRESENCE at the party, even if they were mostly hanging out over in the kitchen and away from us kids. Erica SHOULDN¡¯T have attacked me. Frustrated, Tabitha struggled out of her seat to stand for the pledge of allegiance, but she didn¡¯t recite the words along with everyone else, or even glance towards the flag. But¡­ she DID attack me. Assault me. Physically¡ªwith a WEAPON, even, Tabitha frowned. It hadn¡¯t been expected. Erica had been characterized as petty and vindictive, but always clever, always one to kill with a borrowed knife, so to speak. Erica fueled rumors and set others against her, but she never used her own hand, never acted directly. Wait. That¡¯s not entirely true, Tabitha¡¯s frown deepened. She DID push me off the trampoline. Either her, or her sister did? Damn¡ªwish I could remember more. After working the events over in her mind for most of Mrs. Hodge¡¯s review session, the only conclusion Tabitha could arrive at... was that there was something serious going on within the Taylor family. Pushing her off the trampoline and threatening her had been done with the intention of separating her from Ashlee¡ªand, they¡¯d been successful at that. In her original life, Tabitha never tried to meet up with or hang out with Ashlee again. By the time of her next iteration, she¡¯d barely even remembered the girl, choosing instead to put the uncomfortable situation completely out of her mind and focus on other tasks. But, they kept on bullying me at Springton High, and no one could really figure out WHY, Tabitha thought, her splitting headache only further dampening her already foul mood. So, when I point Mrs. Cribb in the Taylor¡¯s direction, they of course find the bruises all over Ashlee. Since no one was keen on keeping me in the loop, I only have Erica¡¯s words to go on¡ªsomething about me taking Ashlee away from them. But, who actually got involved¡ªwho did Mrs. Cribb make that call to? Did she contact a social worker associated with her Springton school district stuff, or some small-town branch of child protective services? Tabitha wondered. Is there a DIFFERENCE, back here in 1998? In the future, she¡¯d been on friendly terms with a very put-together woman named Mrs. Bethany at the Springton town hall, who managed those various local programs. Tabitha didn¡¯t know who¡ªif anyone¡ªwas assigned to that equivalent role back here in this time period. Just like the specifications of safety harnesses at the production plant, every little protocol and bylaw government offices dealt with changed all the time, in seemingly asinine little bureaucratic ways. If Mrs. Cribb had called the police, Officer Williams would¡¯ve¡ªor should¡¯ve¡ªprobably had an inkling about Erica having this potentially dangerous reaction. Right? Instead, from what Elena mentioned the night before, and from that look Mrs. Williams gave Clarissa... it¡¯s like they were expecting Erica to be¡­ to be cowed, to be eager to apologize, to try and absolve herself of blame before the expulsion hearing. Which OBVIOUSLY was not the case, Tabitha grimaced. It was getting hard to concentrate with the way her head was pounding. If Erica had¡ª Drops of blood pitter-pattered down upon the print out of the practice test in front of her. Tabitha froze, staring at them for a long moment, and then touched a hand to her face to discover her nose was bleeding. What the¡ª? Tabitha stared at her bloody hand in confusion, then cupped it beneath her face to try to catch the flow of red already dripping down her chin. This didn¡¯t happen last time. What did I do differently? ¡°Uhhh, Mrs. Hodge?¡± Elena¡¯s hand shot up, interrupting the silence within the classroom. ¡°Tabby¡¯s bleeding!¡± ¡°Oh, ew!¡± Someone nearby exclaimed. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Hodge hurried down the aisle of desks towards her. ¡°Tabitha¡ªare you alright?¡± Tabitha glanced up at Mrs. Hodge¡¯s concerned expression in a daze, and then over to Elena. For a brief, fleeting moment, it felt like Elena spoke up because she¡¯d been watching her¡ª keeping an eye on her because she cared, because that¡¯s what friends did. The blonde didn¡¯t look worried about her at all, however. Instead, Elena wore an incredulous look of disgust, and then turned again to share a smirking grin with Carrie and her other middle school friends. ¡°Um... no,¡± Tabitha finally said, feeling her eyes water as blood filled her palm and then began dotting across her shirt. ¡°No. I am not alright.¡±
¡°Momma?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Momma, can I talk to you?¡± ¡°What do you want, Tabby?¡± Mrs. Moore asked with an aggravated sigh, not bothering to glance away from the television set. ¡°I¡­ want to give up,¡± Tabitha said in a quiet voice. ¡°Give up?¡± Mrs. Moore retorted. ¡°Give up on what?¡± ¡°I think I want to give up on living,¡± Tabitha said, feeling her eyes water. ¡°I just. Momma, I just don¡¯t want to live anymore.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not something to ever joke about, Tabitha Anne Moore,¡± Mrs. Moore warned, turning her fat neck to glare towards her daughter. ¡°What on God¡¯s green earth brought this on, all of the sudden? Just what¡¯s happened now?¡± ¡°I-I don¡¯t want to be here,¡± Tabitha cried softly, covering her face. ¡°I don¡¯t want to do this. I don¡¯t want to fight you again. I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Fight me?¡± Her mother said with a deep scowl. ¡°Tabitha, you¡¯re not making a lick of sense ¡°C¡¯mon then, out with it. What did you do?¡± ¡°I spoke with proper diction,¡± Tabitha sniffled. ¡°You said it was awful¡ªthat I was talking like a robot. I, I wasn¡¯t pretending to be a robot, though. I was trying to be, um, trying to be a cool Tabitha. One who, who had it all together. I was just... I¡¯m awful at it.¡± ¡°Robot¡­ ? What are you talking about?¡± Mrs. Moore demanded. ¡°Tabby¡ª¡± ¡°I exercised like crazy¡ªhad it all planned out,¡± Tabitha sobbed. ¡°It was, it was six hours of exercise, every day. I lost a third of my body weight before high school. I was pretty. Pretty almost like you were. It wasn¡¯t healthy at all¡ªmessed up my menstrual cycle, ended up making everything at school worse somehow, and it¡ªand it, it made you think I was trying to become an actress?! Like you were back then. Momma¡ªhow does anyone really fucking think I could ever be an actress?! Me, an ACTRESS?! It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s completely fucking IMPOSSIBLE!¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª?¡± Mrs. Moore looked completely bewildered. ¡°I tried. I tried,¡± Tabitha wailed. ¡°I tried really hard, okay? W-with the shooting, and, and with Alicia and Elena. With school. With you. And you know what happened? I¡¯m pretty sure I got murdered. She¡ªshe killed me, I think. Because of¡­ because of Ashlee. I didn¡¯t remember Ashlee. I was, I was just going to try to get by, to um, to improve myself and get by until I could do something about Julie. But¡ª¡± A dizzying wave of migraine pain swept through her, and Tabitha put a hand to the side of her head, swaying on her feet, as a trickle of something seeped down out of her nose. Dabbing at her upper lip with her fingertips revealed they were wet with blood again, a lot of blood, and Tabitha¡¯s eyes went wide. Terrified, she looked past her bloody fingers towards her mother to see¡ª
¡ªthat Mrs. Moore was facing the other way, looking off towards the TV screen. ¡°...Mom?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°What do you want, Tabby?¡± Mrs. Moore asked with an aggravated sigh, not bothering to tear her gaze away from the television set. ¡°Mom, I¡¯m¡ªd-did you hear anything I just said?¡± Tabitha asked in disbelief, feeling a foggy sense of deja vu ripple through her so strongly that it was almost disorienting. Something was wrong, but it was hard to put her finger on exactly what it was. ¡°Hear what, now?¡± Mrs. Moore grunted, still not looking her way. Confused, Tabitha stared back down at her fingertips. They were clean. There was no blood on them. Rubbing her eyes with both hands¡ªthe edge of her orthopedic cast scraping slightly against her eye socket¡ªTabitha realized that there were no tears anymore, either. They¡¯d vanished, as if she¡¯d never been crying at all. Wait a fucking second! Tabitha reeled, staring incredulously at the familiar blue cast that was back on her left hand. ¡°This¡ªthis isn¡¯t real,¡± Tabitha exclaimed, hunching her shoulders in and whirling to double-check her surroundings. ¡°What?¡± Mrs. Moore asked in an absentminded tone. ¡°This is all¡ªnone of this is real,¡± Tabitha asserted. ¡°Either it¡¯s not real, or I¡¯m dreaming, I¡¯ve gone crazy, or¡ªit doesn¡¯t matter, does it? Am I¡­ what, am I dead?¡± ¡°What on God¡¯s green earth are you talking about, all of the sudden?¡± Mrs. Moore scowled, turning her fat neck to glare towards her daughter. ¡°Tabitha¡ªyou¡¯re not making a lick of sense.¡± ¡°W-was any of it real?¡± Tabitha demanded, clutching at her cast. It had split along one side, tufts of bandage were poking out where the rigid fiberglass had broken, and it hurt. ¡°Any of it at all? Where did¡ª¡± This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°Tabitha Anne Moore¡ª¡± ¡°Okay. Okay. Um. Mom, you¡¯re not real¡ªyou¡¯re probably just... memories?¡± Tabitha rationalized, clutching at her head again as another wave of pain gripped her skull. Blood ran freely down her face again, and parts of the living room flickered and then went dark. ¡°Jumbled up memories. Or¡ªow ow fuck this hurts¡ªor something? Impressions, hallucinations? There¡¯s, there¡¯s fucking inconsistencies everywhere! The windows were all blocked off with blankets just a minute ago¡ªnow, they¡¯re not.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± Ignoring the dream apparition that looked like her mother, Tabitha paced back and forth in place, struggling to figure out what the hell was going on. It was inordinately difficult to think at all with her head pounding like this. Dreams aren¡¯t this clear, you can¡¯t think this clearly in dreams. Brain damage? From getting hit with the bat? Tabitha paused, looking around again through the pain. Some of the distant mobile homes outside the window went dark and disappeared, like assets dropping out of render distance in a video game. The longer she tried to stare across the street out the window, the worse her headache got¡ªuntil her eyes painfully unfocused. It was like trying to peer through one of those magic eye illusion pages to see something with depth pop out, but instead of a hidden image appearing, the blankets were tacked back up and covering the windows again. Oookay, fuck, Tabitha swore, blinking rapidly. Usually scenery discrepancies happen like, between camera cuts. Or, or at least with a gentle fade effect, or something. Actually catching them just hurts your fucking brain? ¡°Th-that¡¯s it, then,¡± Tabitha whimpered in a small voice. ¡°I¡¯m already dead, aren¡¯t I?¡± ¡°You¡¯re not dead,¡± a soft voice chuckled, ¡°but you¡¯re not in a good place, either.¡± Where the kitchen counter should have been, Julia now sat across from her in one of the booths of a familiar family restaurant, clutching at a mug of coffee. ¡°Julie¡­ ?¡± Tabitha murmured in breathless surprise. A moment ago, she¡¯d been in the mobile home at Sunset Estates, but locales had shifted and swirled around her in that dreamlike quality, and now she was sitting in the Perkins off one of the Interstate 265 exits. This was a memory; this was where Tabitha met Julia for the last time, having driven out to meet the woman because Julie happened to be passing through Kentucky on her way to Pennsylvania. It was hard to keep from being emotional at the reunion, even if she knew it likely wasn¡¯t real. ¡°Of course I¡¯m not real,¡± Julie leaned in with an exasperated smile. ¡°What¡¯d you think, that I was gonna impart some touching words, some wisdom or motivation or something from beyond the grave? What kind of cliche is that?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°No, I just¡­ Julie¡ªI really miss you.¡± ¡°Ah,¡± Julia gave her a sheepish smile and glanced down at her coffee. ¡°Yeah. I am sorry about that.¡± Wearing a stylish black and red motorsports jacket, Julia had a pale, almost sickly complexion, and hair that had been dyed black at some point but now showed several inches of dirty blonde at the roots. The sound of her words always had a unique Julie quality to them, ethereal and a little raspy, high enough in vocal register that her voice always seemed right on the edge of cracking. Julie¡¯s wide, mischievous smile was her most expressive feature, but the smile never seemed to extend all the way up to her pale blue eyes, which only ever seemed to look tired and listless. ¡°So, this isn¡¯t real,¡± Tabitha said in disappointment. ¡°You¡¯re not real.¡± ¡°Sure seems like a dream to me,¡± Julia observed, gesturing with her mug towards where the dining area of the Perkins transitioned into the living room of the mobile home. ¡°I mean, hell¡ªit is great to see you again, though!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded slowly. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ yeah. I-I really wanted to save you.¡± ¡°You did save me, Miss Tabby,¡± Julia playfully admonished her. ¡°C¡¯mon, girl¡ª we talked about this, remember?¡± ¡°You know what I mean,¡± Tabitha slowly shook her head. ¡°You still¡­ took your own life.¡± ¡°I did,¡± Julia admitted with a guilty look. ¡°But, listen¡ªthat¡¯s on me, Miss Tabby. You did save me, and because of that, I felt like I had the freedom to¡­ make that choice. You know?¡± ¡°You know?!¡± Tabitha retorted, leaning forward with her elbows on the tabletop and wearily rubbing her eyes. ¡°No, I don¡¯t know, Miss Julie. That¡¯s actually¡­ super fucked up, and I wish I¡¯d never heard you say that. You¡¯re saying I enabled you to commit suicide? Can you like, reassure me again that you¡¯re not real, that the real Julie would never say that, and that this is all some fucked up nightmare? Please?¡± ¡°Okay, yeah,¡± Julia grimaced and took a sip of her coffee. ¡°Let¡¯s go with that.¡± ¡°Julie¡­¡± Tabitha growled in frustration. ¡°Hah, okay. Listen,¡± Julia set the mug down. ¡°You thought of me as some kind of badass chick, because I have cool stories, and ride a motorcycle, and write some really dark, fucked up fantasy shit. Right? But also¡­ I mean, we¡¯ve talked about the fucked up stuff my dad did to me growing up. The shitty relationships I got myself into, the way I just sort of crashed from bad decision to bad decision to bad decision my whole life. ¡°Miss Tabby¡ªyou¡¯re like, my best friend, and you liked me, liked who I was. But, I didn¡¯t like me. I didn¡¯t want to be me. I couldn¡¯t, anymore. You know? I didn¡¯t want to keep living. I didn¡¯t want to keep going, or have to deal with any tomorrows. To me, like, I saw a choice between more of this or just opting out, and I opted out.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not real, right?¡± Tabitha asked in a small voice. ¡°No, not even a little bit,¡± Julia laughed. ¡°I¡¯m like, a manifestation of your subconscious and all that shit.¡± ¡°Then... I can disregard whatever you say,¡± Tabitha retorted. ¡°Because¡ªI mean, you¡¯re not real. You¡¯re a phantom of my imagination.¡± ¡°Yeah, sure,¡± Julia shot back. ¡°If you think it¡¯s real healthy neglecting your subconscious, I guess.¡± ¡°That... seems exactly like what the real Julie would¡¯ve said,¡± Tabitha grumbled. ¡°You¡¯re either like, the ghost of the real Julia, or¡ªwhat, like, my impression of Julia? Why did you say that I¡¯m not dead earlier?¡± ¡°Well, if I¡¯m your subconscious, then it means subconsciously, me saying you¡¯re not dead means you think that you¡¯re still alive,¡± Julia reasoned. ¡°Which is a fairly compelling argument itself, right? I mean, if you¡¯re thinking at all, how can you be dead? I think, therefore I am, and all that.¡± ¡°There¡¯s... stories that explore that sort of stuff,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°There was the book The Lovely Bones. And then that Robin Williams movie, What Dreams May Come.¡± ¡°Yeah, I guess,¡± Julia shrugged. ¡°Whatever. But, you don¡¯t really think this is like that, do you?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want it to be like that, no, but¡ª¡± Tabitha began. ¡°Then, think of it as something like a lucid dream?¡± Julia interrupted. ¡°You¡¯ll figure something out. Get out of here, Tabby. Go live a good life. Uh, but listen¡ªyour nose is bleeding again, and it¡¯s about to get back to those bad, nightmarey kind of bits.¡± ¡°Um¡­¡± Tabitha said, touching the blood running down her face again in confusion. ¡°Nightmarey bits?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Julia gave her an embarrassed smile. ¡°Like this, for starters¡ª¡± Then Julia was gone, leaving Tabitha alone in the booth, and the daylight outside the Perkins windows turned to evening. She remembered this, too, and it was one of her more painful memories¡ªafter Julia took her own life, Tabitha always made a point to stop at this Perkins whenever she was traveling down I-275. She would sit there, often in the same exact booth where she¡¯d had that last visit with Julia, and sometimes cry a little bit over one of the dinner specials. ¡°You¡¯re still my best friend, Miss Julie,¡± Tabitha whispered, rising up out of her seat. ¡°But, I really can¡¯t fucking stand your sense of humor.¡± Looking around, the Perkins didn¡¯t seem to be associating itself with the mobile home in a slapdash blend of locations anymore. She¡¯d lost all inclination to stay, however, and since she hadn¡¯t ordered anything real anyways, Tabitha simply got up and walked over to the exit the diner. Lucid dream, nightmare¡ªwhatever, Tabitha thought, stepping out of the Perkins and looking around the parking lot. How do I GET OUT OF HERE? How do I wake up? It took her a few minutes of wandering down the rows of vehicles lined up beneath the widely-spaced parking lot lights to even realize something else was amiss. She couldn¡¯t find her Honda Pilot anywhere, sure, but more to the point¡ªthe parking lot was gargantuan, unending, something a shopping mall or football stadium would have, not a little roadside Perkins. She slowly recognized it as one of her old college nightmares¡ªother people seemed to have nightmares about being in front of everyone at school naked, or in their underwear, but Tabitha had instead had recurring ones about being lost in an enormous parking lot at night, with panic that would creep in as she realized she couldn¡¯t find her vehicle. But¡ªthis isn¡¯t real, either, Tabitha realized in frustration. I¡¯m not going to find my Honda anywhere here, because I NEVER found my car in these ones. I¡¯d look and look and look, but after a while it was like there were people following me through the parking lot, and then it was like they were chasing me. She quickly walked the rest of the way over to the next pole of a parking lot light and tried to steady her breathing. On a whim, she tried to pinch herself on the arm¡ªthat¡¯s the trope for determining whether one is dreaming or not, isn¡¯t it? She wasn¡¯t able to. Holding her plump arm up in front of herself to stare at it, Tabitha¡¯s blue orthopedic cast swam back into view like a trick of the light. You¡¯ve gotta be fucking kidding me. ¡°You¡¯re fucking kidding yourself,¡± Carrie retorted. ¡°You are dead. You even had a second chance, and ya still fuckin¡¯ blew it. Woooow.¡± Three teenage girls strode out of the darkness between the rows of cars, and Tabitha¡¯s breath hitched in her throat. They were completely mismatched¡ªon the right, Carrie was wearing the Tommy Hilfigire vest Tabitha had seen her in at school, on the left, an eighth-grade Elena smirked at her, and in the middle¡ªErica Taylor in her baseball outfit from the Halloween party. Erica was baring her teeth, her shoulders seemed to tremble with barely-constrained violence, and the Louisville Slugger she dragged along seemed slightly oversized, large enough that it scraped along the asphalt of the parking lot in a menacing way. ¡°I¡¯m... not scared of you,¡± Tabitha lied, glaring at each of the girls in turn. ¡°You¡¯re not real.¡± ¡°Wanna bet?¡± Elena called in a mocking voice as the girls continued to advance on her. ¡°You know why we¡¯re here. You cheated death¡ªgot to do months and months all over again¡ªand now, it¡¯s time to pay it all back. You even got an extra day or two, before the bleed on your brain caught up. Uhh, did you think all that shit was free? That you wouldn¡¯t have to pay the price for it?¡± ¡°The... bleed on my brain?¡± Tabitha echoed in a hollow voice, fighting the urge to backpedal away from them. ¡°I-I didn¡¯t ask for any do-overs, didn¡¯t want them. Not my fault.¡± ¡°But, you took them anyways,¡± Erica Taylor hissed in a low voice. ¡°Didn¡¯t you? Doesn¡¯t matter what you wanted, you took what you didn¡¯t deserve¡ªand you don¡¯t get to take things away from us.¡± ¡°So what if I even did?!¡± Tabitha growled, retreating a step. ¡°You¡¯re not the actual fucking gatekeepers of time and space¡ªyou¡¯re not even teenage girls, you¡¯re not real. Memories, shadows. I don¡¯t have to be afraid of you. I know taekwondo, and this is my dream.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Erica Taylor snorted, tapping the baseball bat loudly against the pavement. ¡°Taekwondo, huh? How¡¯d that work out for you last time?¡± ¡°Oh yeah!¡± Carrie giggled. ¡°Pretty sure she got her face bashed in?¡± ¡°She went down like a little bitch,¡± eighth-grade Elena agreed, sizing Tabitha up with a smug look. ¡°Like a little bitch.¡± ¡°You know all about this nightmare too, don¡¯t you?¡± Erica teased, swishing her bat through the air. ¡°You remember. You¡¯ll run and run and run, but you can never get away.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha grit her teeth. ¡°No, I¡¯m not going to run.¡± ¡°Fine by me!¡± Erica flashed a smile full of teeth at her. ¡°Don¡¯t run, then¡ªthis¡¯ll be even more fun.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to run,¡± Tabitha decided. ¡°I¡¯m going to wake up. I¡¯m going to get back to where I was, and I¡¯m going to fix things with Ashlee, and I¡¯m going to save Julie. Going to figure out how to have a good life and be happy.¡± ¡°Julie¡¯s dead, retard,¡± Carrie laughed. ¡°Ashlee? Doesn¡¯t give a flying fuck about you. And you? You¡¯re brain dead and dying. You¡¯re never ever waking up or getting out of here.¡± ¡°Getting out of here?¡± Erica seemed infuriated by her defiance, and she lunged forward, swinging the bat through the air towards Tabitha with all of her might. ¡°With what, your taekwondo?¡± ¡°With a goddamn F-22, if I have to!¡± Tabitha leapt backwards, and the world spun. The back of her legs tripped implausibly into one of the Williams¡¯ sofas from the lakehouse, and then she tumbled painfully down the stairs of an old apartment¡¯s sun-soaked wooden porch and into the junkyard full of aviation parts behind her mobile home. Disoriented, Tabitha looked up at the teens standing in the middle of the decrepit porch in surprise. It was daytime here¡ªthey were just behind the mobile home, the scrapyard full of machinery from her fever dream was here somehow, and Carrie, Erica, and Elena looked just as confused by the sudden displacement as she was. ¡°...What the fuck?¡± Carrie said. ¡°Tabitha, where the hell do you think you¡¯re going?¡± Mrs. Moore howled, attempting to heave the bulk of her bloated body off a nearby couch. The woman was morbidly obese now, with streaks of gray through her wispy hair and made for a disturbing sight. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare think about leaving this dream before you¡¯ve done your homework, young lady. You sit your fanny down right this instant before I spank your sorry behind red! I mean it!¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t a real place,¡± Carrie complained, making a face as Elena shot her a sardonic look. ¡°Oh¡ªyou know what I fucking mean! It¡¯s not supposed to be here!¡± ¡°I-I love you, Mom!¡± Tabitha called as she scrambled to her feet. ¡°But, I have to go. Somewhere out there¡ªI¡¯m, I¡¯m going to find the real you. The actual you, even if I have to start all over from the beginning. I¡¯m going to save you. I love you. I¡¯m so sorry.¡± ¡°No you¡¯re fucking not!¡± Erica screamed, dashing down the porch steps after her. ¡°Tabiiiithaaaaghh?!!¡± The upper part of Mrs. Moore¡¯s bloated face collapsed in on itself as her mouth distorted wide into a toothy maw, the edge of her lopsided lip peeling all the way down one side of her neck to roar in anger at her daughter. The scattered heaps and piles of surplus aviation pieces shifted and collapsed behind her as Tabitha sprinted past them, replaced with the silent rows of cars of an endless night time parking lot. Cursing and swearing and screaming at her, each encroaching step the teenage girls took chasing after Tabitha seemed to destabilize the shrinking area of the half-forgotten F-22 dream from those weeks ago. In true dream fashion, Tabitha¡¯s run felt impossibly slow, as if she were sloughing through molasses, and she tripped and fell as the dream trembled and wavered like a soap bubble about to pop. Frantically climbing back to her feet, she noticed that her left arm had a frail wrist sporting a bracelet-PC one moment, and a familiar blue cast the next. No time, no time¡ªI have to get OUT of here, Tabitha shook her broken wrist distractedly, and it flickered and phased between different states of being in an uncomfortable blur. The junkyard was large but also bleeding off territory quickly, and as she dashed around the last heap towards the mostly-finished F-22 resting in the center, Tabitha realized that the bubble of this dream was almost gone, that the horrors of the jumbled memories and old nightmares were spilling in from every direction in a dark flood. Once again it felt like she was running and running but scarcely seemed to be moving forward at all, and with every moment the scrap piles of machinery were shifting and twisting, sending smaller pieces crashing and tumbling down. ¡°It¡¯s over¡ªit¡¯s over and you¡¯re dead!¡± One of the pursuing teens screeched after her. ¡°Fuck fuck fuck!¡± Tabitha screamed, refusing to look behind her as she took a running leap for the ladder hanging off the side of the F-22 cockpit. She made it. The enormous transparent canopy wasn¡¯t fastened shut, but it was much heavier than she¡¯d imagined¡ªisn¡¯t all of this my imagination anyways?!¡ª and the best she could manage was pushing the fighter jet¡¯s canopy up enough for her to frantically clamber inside. When it dropped down behind her and latched into place, the sight just outside stunned her. The old dream she¡¯d taken refuge in had dwindled down to barely encompass the size of her F-22. Instead, a horrific hellscape of nightmares had replaced the surroundings. Jeremy Redford stood over the fallen form of Officer Macintire and fired again and again, the policeman¡¯s body rocking in spurts of blood with each shot. With a face transformed into a snarling mask of madness, Erica Taylor stepped over the prone form of a Tabitha to bear down on a costumed Alicia and Elena with the baseball bat, slamming and smashing the girls as they let out shrill, helpless screams. Mrs. Macintire sobbed and Hannah broke down into tears as a faceless officer came to give them the news that Darren Macintire had died in the line of duty. In the chaos of the bus loop, Chris Thompson pinned a Tabitha down after pushing her, straddling her with a sadistic grin and then tearing at her blouse¡ª Nope. Nope. All of my nope. Noping THE FUCK out of¡ªout of whatever the fuck this is, Tabitha thought in a panic, forcibly turning her eyes away from the cascade of images flashing by outside and frantically starting up the F-22. Tabitha knew nothing about how to start up a real fighter jet, of course. Here the controls were more a vague impression or facsimile of what controls might be than anything else¡ªdeciding to go and throwing the intention to start the aircraft up seemed to handwave away technical details. Blinking back tears, Tabitha was reluctant to glance down at whatever her hands were doing to operate the controls for fear of breaking the spell. There was no runway. She didn¡¯t know how to fly. From what she dimly recalled, the F-22 in her old fever dream was unfinished and nowhere remotely near flight-worthy, but none of that mattered right now, because she was getting the fuck out of there. With a deafening whine of the F-22¡¯s engines, the fighter rose up in a hover like she imagined a helicopter or a ship from Star Wars might. The last few yards of ground below the aircraft were swallowed up by madness a moment later, and Tabitha was just about to let out a sigh of relief and fire the afterburners to jet away¡ª When someone grabbed her ankle. No, no¡ªNO! Tabitha flailed and twisted in disbelief as the whine of the F-22 suddenly became a deafening squeal of scraping metal. Impossibly, she¡¯d been pulled backwards into an prone position within the cockpit, as if the pilot¡¯s seat ceased to exist. When she twisted her body to look behind her, she couldn¡¯t help but stare in complete shock¡ªthe pilot¡¯s seat was gone, and she was instead somehow on an examination table. Where the glassy curvature of the fightercraft canopy should have met the fuselage, it instead seamlessly became the cylindrical aperture of the prototype MRI from the University of Louisville Hospital, where medical personnel were already struggling to pull her out of the screeching device.
She was old again, she could feel her entire body riddled with age, withered with age, her muscles had gone frail and she was sagging, joints aching. Blood bubbled from her nose as she tried to breath and dripped down from her face in a mess, creating red spatters all over the interior of the prototype MRI. The machine was making a ballistic noise, scraping and squealing and filling the air with clogging gouts of black smoke. ¡°Shut it down¡ªshut it down!¡± A doctor¡¯s voice yelled over the grinding shriek of what sounded like a turbine engine tearing itself to pieces. No. No no no. I can¡¯t come back here. Not NOW, Tabitha felt her heart sink. Mom, Dad¡ªthey¡¯re both dead in 2045. Dead for years and years. I have¡­ I have NOTHING there. No one! ¡°I-I did shut it down!¡± The familiar pretty young nurse that had helped Tabitha into the machine what felt like so many months ago cried out. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s fucking unplugged from the wall and it¡¯s still getting power somehow!¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªwell no shit, the hologram¡¯s still on!¡± ¡°I can see that the fucking hologram¡¯s still¡ª¡± ¡°Let¡ªlet go of me!¡± Tabitha screamed, kicking in attempt to dislodge the man who¡¯d grabbed her leg. ¡°Let go!¡± ¡°Ma¡¯am, Ma¡¯am¡ª we need you to calm down!¡± An orderly called out over the noise and confusion. ¡°For your own safety, we need you to¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going back!¡± Tabitha yelled, her frail hands scrabbling for purchase along the interior of the MRI. ¡°Please, just¡ªI can¡¯t, just one more chance! I¡¯m sorry! Just give me one more chance!¡± ¡°Ma¡¯am¡ª !¡± ¡°¡ªhologram¡¯s not responding, magnetic field fried the interface. Every PC in the whole damn wing¡¯s at risk of¡ª¡± ¡°Help!¡± Tabitha gasped out, blood freely flowing down her face from both nostrils. ¡°Someone, please! Help me!¡± ¡°Ma¡¯am, we¡¯re trying to help, if you can just¡ª¡± ¡°Fucking let go of me! You¡¯re¡ªyou¡¯re not¡ªyou¡¯re¡ª¡± ¡°Pull her out,¡± The authoritative man¡¯s voice was louder, now. ¡°Fuck, tray-table¡¯s shorted out. Pull her out, she¡¯s gonna hurt herself thrashing around like that¡ªBill, grab her other ankle!¡± ¡°What the hell happened?¡± ¡°She¡¯s¡ªhell, I don¡¯t know!¡± the nurse said. ¡°One second it¡¯s starting up fine, and then the next it¡¯s suddenly making this awful noise! She immediately starts screaming¡ªhaving, like, these fits, or, or, or some kind of seizure¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got her, I¡¯ve got her,¡± Someone clamped down on Tabitha¡¯s frantically kicking foot. ¡°Just¡ª¡± Her head was splitting with pain, and in discordant flashes, Tabitha could see a patch of dreamlike sky lazily spinning just past the far inner side of the MRI enclosure. It looked like the view through the F-22 canopy, as the fighter jet fell backwards through the air in an out of control tailspin. This last few slivers of dreamworld seemed to be sputtering now, wildly wavering in an unseen wind like a candle flame on the verge of being blown out. ¡°...bitha?¡± The faint voice of a little girl called, difficult to hear over the calamitous din of the prototype MRI tearing itself apart and the yelling of the medical personnel as they attempted to remove her from within it. ¡°Tabitha?¡± That sounds like¡ªlike¡ª! With her last surge of strength, Tabitha lunged, stretching her aching old muscles forward and desperately reaching for the back of the MRI. Another blood vessel in her brain ruptured, everything went dark all at once, and¡ª
¡ªTabitha had only just begun to plunge into freefall when a small, delicate hand grasped tightly onto hers. She swung for a moment from her mysterious savior in total bewilderment, legs flailing out and encountering nothing, until she finally hung there in the void, her arm jolting painfully at the weight of her entire body. Dangling in the darkness from only her one hand, Tabitha looked down past her kicking feet in disbelief to watch the F-22 fall away without her. She caught a last receding glimpse inside the cockpit canopy, of a frail sixty-year-old body going still within the circular window of the MRI¡ªand then it was gone. The falling fighter shrunk into the distance of the churning maelstrom below her until it disappeared completely, swallowed up by nightmare darkness. ¡°Haahhh, hahh, hwaaah¡ª¡± Panting with exertion as she hung from someone¡¯s unseen hand in a completely black space of nothingness. ¡°Hello? Well¡ªuh. Fuck?¡± Her right arm ached supporting her entire body, but she didn¡¯t have the strength to attempt reaching up with her left. Trying, and failing, to calm herself down at being trapped in whatever surreal purgatory this was, Tabitha nervously stared down past her own kicking feet into what felt like a bottomless, nightmarish abyss far below. Tabitha had escaped back into the dream¡ªor what was left of it¡ªbut she now had the sinking suspicion that her future self that had been left behind in the year 2045 was now very, very dead.
¡°Mommy¡ª?!¡± Hannah called over. ¡°Mom! Tabitha¡¯s having a bad dream. You said she wouldn¡¯t have bad dreams. Mommy, you promised.¡± ¡°Hannah honey... Tabitha won¡¯t have bad dreams or nightmares,¡± Mrs. Macintire reassured her with a tired smile. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s just going to sleep peacefully, now.¡± ¡°Because she doesn¡¯t have... brain act-tivity?¡± Hannah frowned as she pronounced the words, looking from where her mother was seated back towards Tabitha on the hospital bed with a look of doubt. ¡°Yes, honey, because she doesn¡¯t have brain activity. Not having any brain activity means¡­ that she won¡¯t ever wake up anymore,¡± Mrs. Macintire explained in a weary but patient voice. ¡°But, she won¡¯t have any bad dreams or nightmares, either. The good Mister Doctor Man said she won¡¯t be feeling any pain, or¡ªor any kind of distress at all before she passes on. She¡¯s just... resting, Honey. Resting like Sleeping Beauty.¡± ¡°Mommy, no¡ªshe¡¯s having a nightmare,¡± Hannah insisted with a stubborn stamp of her foot. ¡°Come look! Tabitha¡¯s having a nightmare¡ªshe grabbed onto my hand.¡± ¡°Honey...¡± Hannah¡¯s mother sighed, lifting herself out of her seat to come take a closer look. ¡°I¡¯m sure that¡ª¡± Sandra Macintire froze. Tabitha Moore had been declared brain dead, and purportedly, there was no chance at all of recovery¡ªshe was in a vegetative state and would remain permanently comatose. Tabitha had been the very picture of serenity for several days now, with only the bandages wrapped around her head to indicate anything at all had ever happened. She¡¯d been taken off of life support already, and was receiving her last visitors for a few days while the grief-stricken Moore family waited to see if Tabitha would quietly pass on. Instead, what should have been a peaceful expression on the teenage girl¡¯s features was now an extraordinarily troubled one¡ªTabitha was jerking slightly, her brow was furrowed, and her eyes were scrunched shut as if in pain. The sedate rise and fall of her chest was speeding up, and Tabitha¡¯s pale lips trembled. ¡°¡ªelp,¡± Tabitha whimpered out in a tiny, barely-audible mumble. ¡°¡ªmeone, pl¡ªhelp m¡ª¡± ¡°This is¡­ uh. She¡¯s¡ªum¡ªsomething¡¯s happened,¡± Mrs. Macintire exclaimed in a panic, quickly leaning in over Tabitha to closely inspect the girl. ¡°She, she can¡¯t be brain dead, she just¡ª¡± ¡°She¡¯s having a nightmare!¡± Hannah repeated. ¡°What do we do? Will she wake up?¡± ¡°J-just hold onto her hand tight Baby, and don¡¯t let go!¡± Mrs. Macintire dashed towards the door of the private room and peeked out into the hallway. ¡°I¡¯m going to go find somebody!¡± ¡°...Tabitha?¡± Hannah urged, squeezing Tabitha¡¯s hand and gently shaking her. ¡°Tabitha? Can you¡­ can you wake up? Wake up now, please? Tabitha? Please? Please wake up?¡± Eyelids fluttering, Tabitha¡¯s body stirred in a restless way on the hospital bed as she fought to pull herself back up to consciousness and return to them. Book Two, Chapter 1: Tabithas new adventure.
Initializing system¡­
Target host found!
Negotiating with host¡­
Please. Please¡­ anything but this. Someone¡ªanyone, save me¡­ Tabi gasped for each ragged breath in fright as clawed hands scrabbled, pawed, and grabbed at her leather jerkin to tug and drag her prone form through the muck and matted plant vegetation. Her head was in splitting agony from the blow struck to her temple, a fresh line of blood snaked down her brow to run across her dirt-smeared face, and Tabi¡¯s entire body ached from the beating she¡¯d taken. The hunched-over creatures snarled and hissed at each other in a guttural form of speech she didn¡¯t understand, and raw terror urged her to struggle again. With the last of her ebbing strength Tabi flailed, attempting to twist out of those filthy hands and resist being pulled into the goblin den. A novice adventurer of only thirteen summers, Tabi knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that once she was stolen away into that foul-smelling hole, there would be no return.
Target host accepts!
Quantifying values...
Overwriting Tabi Mure¡­
Annoyed by their captive¡¯s uncooperative kicking and screaming, one of the goblins struck her across the face with a gnarled fist. The haphazard punch had more than enough force to stun Tabi into stillness. She tried to blink¡ªthe world seemed like it was spinning¡ªand that knobby goblin hand came down across her twice more for good measure. Tabi sputtered out a mouthful of blood, seized, sagged, lurched, and then¡ª
Transmigration Success!
Level Advancement!
Tabi Mure ¡ú Tabitha Moore
Level 2 ¡ú 16 Health 13/70 ¡ú 52/280
Strength 6 ¡ú 30 Intelligence 13 ¡ú 64
Dexterity 7 ¡ú 44 Wisdom 7 ¡ú 35
Constitution 6 ¡ú 26 Charisma 5 ¡ú 40
Disoriented and confused, Tabitha let out a startled breath of surprise, shrugging off her would-be captors with a shove and sitting up in alarm. She was outside somewhere, seated on a sloping streambank at the bottom of an overgrown gulley leafy with ferns and foliage. Scattered sunbeams broke the canopy of branches overhead here and there, illuminating a gloomy ravine bottom. Steep, muddy banks and the stagnant puddles remained of what might have been a small stream in rainier seasons, and the apparent passage of water had eroded the empty streambed into overhangs of tree roots and trapped soil. The goblins rushed her, all five of them pouncing at the same time to knock her flat into the sludge again. ¡°What the¡ªwho¡ª?¡± Tabitha screamed out. ¡°Get the fuck off of me!¡± To the collective surprise of the creatures, this didn¡¯t seem to be the last surge of strength of a cornered animal. The young adventurer girl they¡¯d subdued so easily earlier was inexplicably now five times stronger. Tabitha¡¯s panicked thrashing broke one shocked goblin¡¯s arm and two of the others were thrown off of her as if from a bucking horse. The goblin hunting party¡¯s leader, Scassh, raked filthy claws across the girl¡¯s bare arm. The supple human flesh that should have sliced and split between his sharp digits was now impossibly tougher and hardier than it had been moments ago¡ªhe left only bloody scrapes behind. ¡°Ow, ow! That fucking hurts!¡± Realizing something had gone horribly wrong, the goblin leader¡¯s grotesque features twisted in dismay. Scassh was already trying to disengage when Tabitha kicked him, but the sheer force of the strike caved in his chest with a crunch of snapping bones and folded the goblin scout in two around the girl¡¯s boot. He was killed instantly.
Goblin Scassh has been defeated!
150 XP Gained!
¡°Stop, stop!¡± Tabitha shrieked. ¡°Get the¡ªget the fucking fuck OFF OF ME!¡± Managing to fight her way back up onto one knee, Tabitha grabbed the final hissing and biting goblin that was trying to claw its way atop her by the arm and hurled him. The gangly creature flew, landing hard on the slope of the distant bank with a heavy splat. One of its limbs¡ªas well as the entire shoulder it was attached to¡ªtwisted backwards in the muck with the impact, and dark-looking blood blossomed beneath the skin across its naked abdomen as organs ruptured. The thing let out a brief inhuman squawk that faded into a choked, gurgling rattle as it died.
Goblin has been defeated!
75 XP Gained!
¡°What the¡ªwhat the fuck?!¡± Tabitha yelled out as she stumbled to her feet. One of the surviving goblins rose from the ferns and growled out something that sounded like ghrassu vlat and was almost certainly some form of swearing, but its two companions were already scurrying away through the brush in different directions. The monstrous creature regarded Tabitha with hateful beady eyes for one last lingering moment. Then the hideous goblin turned away with a hiss and made his own escape. ¡°What the fuck,¡± Tabitha repeated breathlessly, wheeling around in dismay. She felt exhausted, battered with bruises and covered with scratches and cuts¡ª many of them stinging, deep, nasty ones. Her clothing was unfamiliar and hanging on her in wet, filthy tatters. It felt like she¡¯d crawled her way through a flooded latrine or a sewer, and she had no idea what the fuck was even¡ª No. No, I DO know what¡¯s going on, Tabitha realized, grabbing for the knife she kept on her belt. The empty leather sheath dangled there, flaccid and impotent. Tabi¡¯s treasured knife was long gone. I... sort of know what¡¯s going on. Sort of. Kind of? She was once Tabi Mure, an orphan peasant girl pressed into becoming a novice adventurer at the promise of coin. The insides of her skull felt positively slick with unfamiliar memories and the context of Tabi Mure could be immediately gleaned in a weird, unsettling way. Everything she could grasp about the situation seemed like completely bad news, but at the very least Tabitha had a distant sense of what the hell was going on. Focusing on the slight mental pressure lurking on the periphery of her awareness, Tabitha allowed the waiting status windows to appear one by one, examining them with disbelief as they swam into view.
Class Advancement!
Class: Adventurer (E Rank) ¡ú Undefined (Err?o?r? Ran???????k????????????)?????????????
A problem has occurred with Class Advancement. Please notify your Undefin???ed Class Trainer for assistance.
Skill Advancement!
Adventurer Basic Survival (Simple) ¡ú Martial Art: Taekwondo (Yellow Belt) ¡ú Movement Art: Parkour (White Band)
Skill Advancement!
Short Run (400 Paces) ¡ú Sustained Run (10,000 Paces)
Skill Advancement!
Literacy (Simple) ¡ú Literature (Advanced)
Skill Advancement!
Handcrafting (Simple) ¡ú Craft Specialization: Climbing Harness (Advanced)
Skill Advancement!
Mure Region Cooking (Simple) ¡ú Undefined Cooking (Erro???r???)?????
A problem has occurred with Skill Advancement. Please notify your Und???????e?????f??????????? e?????????????????????????????d?????? Cl s???????????????????????? r????????a?????????????????i???????????????n?????????e???????????????????????????? f??????????????????????o????????????????????????????? a???????s???????????????????? i????????????????s??????????????????????t??????????????????????a?????????????????????????? e??????????????????..???????????????????
Skill Advancement!
Arithmetic (Simple) ¡ú Mathematics: Algebra (Error) ¡ú Mathematics: Geometry (Error) ¡ú Ma???????t????????????????h??????? mat????????????i?????? s????: C??????????????????????????a???????????????????????l???????????????????c?????????? l????????????????????????u????????s?????????? (E?????????????????????????????????????r????????r?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????o??????????????????????????????????r???????????????????)
A probl m has oc urred with Sk ll Adv ncement. Plea???se no ify yo??? r Und???????e?????f??????????? e?????????????????????????????d?????? Cl s???????????????????????? r????????a?????????????????i???????????????n?????????e???????????????????????????? f??????????????????????o????????????????????????????? a???????s???????????????????? i????????????????s??????????????????????t??????????????????????a?????????????????????????? e??????????????????..???????????????????
A dozen more garbled windows followed, each successive one growing more unreadable than the last. With an uneasy laugh, Tabitha dismissed all of the remaining Skill Advancement windows. From what she could surmise, this system failed to translate a lot of her previous life correctly into concepts here. My previous life¡­ Tabitha felt herself begin to tear up. No, no. No time to think about it right now. I¡¯ll¡ªI¡¯ll figure it out somehow. Right now I¡¯m in danger. Need to focus on surviving. The two broken goblin corpses strewn across the bottom of the gulley were a grisly reminder. Tabi had been utterly terrified by the creatures¡ªand with good reason¡ªbut that weaker girl had been subsumed. Looking at the gory stinking remains, Tabitha Moore felt only nausea and disgust. It was a bit like looking at some large animal she¡¯d accidentally hit with her Honda Pilot on one of Kentucky¡¯s back roads. Roadkill. She hadn¡¯t intended to murder them and didn¡¯t wish violence on anyone, but... it had happened. They were dead, and Tabitha didn¡¯t want to dwell on the fact a moment longer than necessary. There was still an insistent vague pressure and she knew there were still a few more status windows demanding her attention¡ª these ones even felt more important somehow¡ª but Tabitha needed to take a look around her and get her bearings. The vast swath of forest to the far west of her hometown Mure could be a dangerous place. The small creekbed had been drying up for days and days, and it wasn¡¯t one significant enough for Tabi to remember from any oral description of the area. Glancing from one end of the small valley to the other, Tabitha couldn¡¯t even tell which direction the water flowed when there was water, and that was a problem. Her cursory glances at the muck and dark clay covering her entire body revealed several gashes that needed immediate attention, and in Tabi¡¯s small experience that meant she needed a source of fresh water to clean her wounds. Behind her, buried deep in the recesses of an outcropping of tangled roots, was a goblin warren. The opening was small, not something she could enter just on her hands and knees. To get inside, she would have to actually crawl, slither down some fair stretch of tunnel, the sides of which were packed with pressed goblin feces and the parts of animal carcasses that goblins were unable to digest. Which, obviously, I¡¯m never, EVER going to do, Tabitha decided, taking a healthy step back from the entrance. Tabi had been an E Rank Adventurer, which didn¡¯t have much of an analogous comparison to anything from Tabitha Moore¡¯s world. It was the necessary rank to explore the wildlands on her own to harvest bundles of tillyweed. Because of how dangerous the forests were, citizens weren¡¯t allowed outside the far boundary wall without a minimum E Rank¡ª feeding even helpless humans to monsters was commonly known to slightly stimulate monster¡¯s growth, making them more intelligent and cunning and ultimately raising their threat level. Or worse, girls getting dragged away to become a goblin seedbed, Tabitha thought to herself, warily eyeing the goblin warren one last time and then heading off down the ravine a ways. She was now fourteen full levels higher than the poor ill-fated Level 2 Tabi Mure, but there was no sense taking any chances. When she was a fair distance down the old creekbed she climbed up the slope to where she had a better view of her surroundings, and then finally released her mental hold on the status messages.
Title Gained!
Returner
Host retains memory buffer when targeted by time revision magics, skills, or effects.
Title Gained!
Dreamstrider
Host remains lucid when targeted by dream encroaching magics, skills, or effects.
Title Gained!
Transmigrator
Host values aggregate for local conversion when traversing incompatible realms.
Okay. Bonuses, maybe, Tabitha thought, reading them over again before dismissing them. Cool. Definitely sound handy, but I honestly really, REALLY hope I¡¯ll never be in those kinds of situations to need them. There¡¯s¡­ apparently both time magic and dream intrusion? What the fuck else do I need to watch out for, then? Titles seemed to be rare, at least. Tabi hadn¡¯t been aware of any titles besides Lord, because there was a ¡®Lord Conneran¡¯ who ruled over the several small towns and one little city that existed in their region. Whatever. Not important, Tabitha decided. Not a priority, right now. She was seriously hurting. Her health had at some point ticked down a few numbers to 48, but she wasn¡¯t extremely clear on what the points represented beyond the obvious. Every part of her body ached with bruises and injuries as if she¡¯d taken a bad tumble down a long staircase and then been unkindly dragged back up said stairway for another tumble or two. Well... I also want to see what I look like, Tabitha admitted to herself with a wince. It¡¯s not superfluous or vain in this situation. I actually have no idea who I really just QUANTUM LEAPED into. Memories are suspect, I want to¡ªno, I NEED to see this and really confirm it for myself. If her circumstances were to be believed¡ªand despite the twists and turns her life had taken she found herself a little incredulous¡ªshe was in someone else¡¯s body, in someone else¡¯s world. A fantasy world by every indication, with monsters and magic, where personal attributes were measured and expressed by some intangible systemic entity. As game stats. Although Tabitha had never been a real gamer, she¡¯d lived through 2045 and it was impossible for her to be unaware of the Elder Scrolls Eight memes that permeated every crevice of the net. Large game releases had long since eclipsed television and film as hyped-up cultural events. ¡°Status,¡± Tabitha said aloud. Nothing happened. ¡°Info,¡± Tabitha tried all the popular voice commands she remembered. ¡°User commands. Menu. Help. Emergency logout. Inventory. Item box. Settings?¡± The ridgeline she was hiking along began to taper off to the sheer drop of a cliff on one side, so she decided to double back down into the ravine. There was no moving water in sight, and this part of the gulch didn¡¯t look particularly familiar, but the trail the goblins had left through the forest when dragging Tabi towards their den was impossible to miss. Even if the grass and leaves weren¡¯t completely trampled into a trodden mess of goblin footprints, the grotesque little creatures had blundered a visible path through the ferns and brush in a bunched-up little party rather than dispersing to weave separately through the trees. It was remarkably unsubtle, and Tabitha knew from the common sense of her otherworld memory that it meant the goblins had all been young; likely all level one. ¡°Alexa, Siri, Waifu, X-box, Cortana: c¡¯mon, fetch me a tutorial, guys,¡± Tabitha muttered to herself. ¡°Alphapage: delete that post. Don¡¯t ever let me post that again. Binge: play next episode. Netflix: chill.¡± Predictably, none of the windows were summoned back into existence. Even more dismaying, Tabi didn¡¯t know much about them at all. The messages came spontaneously and then they were gone, and the poor orphan girl Tabi had last seen one several years ago. When she was eleven summers old, she¡¯d advanced from level one to level two. Tabi knew some letters and one or two words, but looking into her self required a level of mental focus she didn¡¯t quite have the discipline for. SELF, huh? Tabitha mused. That¡¯s how they refer to¡­ checking your own stats or whatever, here? So, I just¡­
Tabitha Moore
Class Undefined (Err?o?r? Ran???????k????????????)?????????????
Titles Returner, Dreamstrider, Transmigrator
Level 16 Health 52/280
Strength 30 Intelligence 64
Dexterity 44 Wisdom 35
Constitution 26 Charisma 40
It was a very strange feeling, like the polar opposite of letting her concentration relax and let her mind sink down into sleep. It was more than just thinking it, she had to push her mind towards Self to sense the system scores at all. When Tabitha finally pulled it off, it was only a simplified set of statistics. She somehow intuited that with more practice, experience, and likely intelligence points, it would be easier and easier to bring up. If she stopped walking, sat down and closed her eyes for a bit she felt sure she could press her mind all the way through to expand a profile page on her that was much less abbreviated. In a vague way, the Tabi girl had known that something like meditation was a common practice among the culture of their fantasy world, that people journeyed deeper and deeper into the mysteries of ¡®self¡¯ for increasingly thorough and elaborate explanations of various skills, titles, or even how the system determined value attributes. It was naturally all incredibly interesting to Tabitha Moore, enough to frustrate her in realizing that this was absolutely not the time nor place to delve deeper into the mystery mechanics. Definitely not while alone here in the dangerous wilderness. Instead, Tabitha allowed herself to stop by one of the larger remaining pools of water trapped along the drying creekbed to take a look at her appearance. The face that stared back at her wasn¡¯t one either Tabi Mure or Tabitha Moore knew. Tabi had remembered herself as a waif almost skeletal with malnutrition; frail limbs, the flesh around her eyes pulled tight and sunken into their sockets, cheeks that were thin and gaunt. Her constitution and charisma values added together had amounted to a paltry eleven back then, and Tabi knew that the sum of constitution and charisma was generally regarded (by the gossiping girls and wives throughout the town of Mure at least) as a measure of appearance or attractiveness. Eleven was not an attractive rating. After a transmigration, her skill sets reconfiguring, a series of titles being granted, and fourteen levels, however, her attractiveness had leapt into the stratosphere of sixty-six. She now looked great, much better than average, her face had filled out and no longer resembled a dying street urchin on her last gasps. There were plenty of similarities to Tabitha Moore¡¯s previous appearance, and she thought that if their likenesses been compared side-by-side one might guess the two were related. So¡­ I look kind of intense? Tabitha turned her head this way and that to gauge how she looked. Fierce? Something about the eyes makes me look confident and a little¡­ dangerous? Maybe because my ¡®appearance¡¯ attributes are so lopsided. With my charisma up way higher than my constitution for¡­ whatever reason? There were way too many unanswered questions and way too much extraneous information to process right now, and her Tabi memories weren¡¯t as useful as she would have liked. The peasant girl had been fairly ignorant of anything not relevant to her immediate survival or securing her next meal, really. Her ¡®mind¡¯ score from likewise adding her intelligence and wisdom together had been a respectable twenty, so she couldn¡¯t have been called stupid for an orphaned young woman¡­ but Tabitha was packing ninety-nine mind now. Her future prospects were about to change in a dramatic way. ¡°Strength and constitution together are considered body, strength and dexterity make up your physical ability score¡­¡± Tabitha murmured to herself as she scooped a palmful of water out of the puddle to carefully clean and wipe some of the muck out of her larger gashes. Tabi had been confused by the innumerable different stat values¡ªit seemed like many of the base stats commonly paired together to form various different expressions of attributes. Inspecting your self was a little different for everyone based on their comprehension and capability, and only those well-off enough for more than a basic family education knew how everything was actually laid out. With her ninety-nine mind, Tabitha was now puzzling out different combinations of values and matching them up to different conversations that Tabi had overheard but not completely understood in the past. This is so stupidly weird complex that it loops back around to being simple in a crazy way? Tabitha flinched and swore as her fingertips probed the deep cuts on her arm. Health points climbed back up a little already, so I guess this isn¡¯t as bad as it looks. Hopefully. And hit points are constitution multiplied by¡­ something, with some hidden soul value added in. From what Tabi remembers. Actually, at some point I can probably work out the exact soul number with alge?b???r???a???¡ª The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°Ow!¡± Tabitha swore, letting bloody water trickle down her arm as she clutched at the sudden headache. After a few moments, it faded away, not unlike one she¡¯d get from a brain freeze. ¡°Did you just¡ª¡± Tabitha glanced around suspiciously, then looked up towards the sky. ¡°Did you just fucking zap me for thinking about a?????l????g????e??????????b????????r????????a?????????????????!???"??? ¡°Ow ow ow ow okay, okay!¡± Tabitha yelled, jolting up to her feet as she grabbed the sides of her head. ¡°I don¡¯t really like thinking about mathe?m?at¡ªI never liked arithmetic anyways, geez.¡± That¡¯s¡ªthat¡¯s INSANE, though! Tabitha¡¯s mind whirled at the implications. So, what, higher knowledge is a big NO-NO or something? Who decides that? Is there a pantheon of deities or something calling the shots here? Does the SPIRIT OF MAGIC just not want people relying on mundane advancements to get out of this medieval stasis whatever¡¯s going on with the world? That reeks of, I don¡¯t know, some INTENTION or PURPOSE administrating the weird system and self thing, doesn¡¯t it? After a few more intentional tests¡ªand more than a few unintentional, because it was hard to force yourself to stop thinking about a distracting concept¡ªTabitha earned herself a splitting migraine, and her mood was plummeting. Wiping her wet hands angrily across her ragged clothing, she stomped away from the puddle, kicking a nearby stone across the ravine as hard as she could. With a furious scowl she returned to following the trail the goblins had stamped through the brush when abducting her earlier, picking up the pace and striding through the forest with purpose. ¡°This is bullshit,¡± Tabitha muttered. ¡°Bullshit!¡± A horned hare darted away from her through the ferns at her sudden exclamation, and the Tabi in her lamented¡ªa horned hare was something within her ability to subdue, and bringing its fur and horn back to Mure would have been much, much better than returning empty-handed. ¡°Didn¡¯t even want to be here in the first place,¡± Tabitha growled, lowering her voice. ¡°Your lore here is boring drudgery compared to any good fantasy setting. If this was a Tolkien world, my every step would feel like it had some fucking meaning. Your world sucks. Your system even sucks¡ªback in my old reality, video game designers probably have like, thousands of systems better than this. And they worked them all out without magic! Yep, without magic.¡± ¡°Just math and money.¡± She was grudgingly forced to admit that the scenery was pretty amazing. The terrain of this place was wild with ridges and slopes littered with the enormous shapes of gigantic boulders, each green with patchy swathes of lichen. Every vista of the forest seemed to feature picturesque vistas of natural beauty, and looking in any direction conjured memories of those Ghibli anime movies Tabitha had adored in her original timeline. Admiring them on a screen couldn¡¯t compare to walking through it all herself though, and after immersing herself in the wonder of it all for a while her anger and headache began to fade away. The heartache remained, but with thirty-five wisdom Tabitha was just barely managing to keep her thoughts from the family and friends she¡¯d left behind. By the time she chanced upon Tabi¡¯s lost knife, simply laying there amid the crushed grasses of the goblin trail, Tabitha had schooled her emotions into the back of her mind and simply stared at the ten-inches of sharpened iron without expression for a few moments. She let out a slow breath and retrieved it, returning it to the leather sheath on her belt, and continued onward. Just how far away did that fucking goblin party carry me? Tabitha frowned. This is... quite a hike. Though, I guess they¡¯d have to be ranging in from pretty far outside of Mure, or someone would have put up an extermination order for them. Tabitha paused midstep. Actually¡­ shouldn¡¯t I go back for the two goblins that I killed? She couldn¡¯t help but groan to herself and make a face. Now that I have my knife, I can collect proof of the kills. I don¡¯t want to go back, fuck no I don¡¯t, but¡­ I¡¯m also going to need coin for food, or¡­ fuck, FUCK! Furious again, Tabitha turned around and began to march back the way she¡¯d come. It was a long trek back through the woods towards the pair of broken and discarded goblin corpses in the ravine, and Tabitha slowed to a quiet stalking creep as she neared. The treeline on both slopes was obscured by ferny undergrowth, the unexplored goblin warren was a possible threat, and her heart was racing at the potential danger of being ambushed by the survivors of the raiding party. Or goblin reinforcements from the warren, Tabitha thought as she hunkered down to creep forward. One of the Elder Scrolls Eight memes she remembered had insisted that crouching down was somehow synonymous with stealthy sneaking. It wasn¡¯t nearly as funny when her heart was pounding and naked fear tickled through her fingertips, but showing a lower profile as she advanced was a little comforting. Tabi¡¯s rather cursory adventurer training covered a bit on goblins. Each big den¡¯ll have a hag¡ª a goblin mother, abducted human or otherwise. This den looks small. Hopefully nothing in there. Not going in there to see. Nope, no way, nope, not a chance, all of my nope. Should I¡­ what, collapse the entrance somehow? Staring at the dark hole clawed in beneath the overhang of tree roots, Tabitha swallowed uneasily. It smelled terrible, she had no idea how to safely collapse even a small tunnel like that, and the Tabi memories didn¡¯t have anything helpful to contribute there, either. Turning her attention instead to the dead goblins, the red-headed adventurer girl drew the simple knife from the sheath on her belt. Goblins. They didn¡¯t look anything like the ones from her Goblin Princess novel back in her own world, and there weren¡¯t many commonalities with the popular depictions from Tolkien and Dungeons and Dragons, either. They were bipedal humanoids, and stood about as tall as a child but with a much wider, more gangly frame. Naked, their skin wasn¡¯t green or even greenish¡ªit was pale in some places and dark with pigment or perhaps simply filth in others. They looked bad. If anything, it looked like these goblins were unfinished, or created in a rush. Oh God they stink, Tabitha choked up at the stench and fought to keep from hurling. Goblins could maybe pass for human. Malformed¡­ pygmy humans with a lot of birth defects, or something. She prodded the nearest one with her boot, carefully tipping it back so that she could see it¡¯s face. ...Huh. Tabitha blinked. Well, at least I know for sure it¡¯s mother wasn¡¯t human. That¡¯s a good thing, at least. The thing¡¯s face was twisted in a rather horrifying expression, but clearly this brood had been spawned by a pig, or hog, or boar-like monster of some kind. Had this been a creature from a video game, the designers would¡¯ve likely cherrypicked only the cool or intimidating-looking features to give it a proper enemy mob aesthetic. In this world, the goblin instead looked like some sort of small subhuman neanderthal that shared certain porcine elements. A bit of ape and a slapdash of¡­ pig or orc or something? The ears were elongated but didn¡¯t quite taper to points, and Tabi¡¯s memories warned her that only cutting off the ear on the right side¡ªa careful cut at the base of the ear to ensure the entire ear was removed intact¡ª counted as a proof of kill. Goblin ears were easily recognizable, convenient to collect and carry, and dried out but didn¡¯t rot if kept wrapped in a bit of cloth. Probably don¡¯t stink quite as much as any other¡­ body part that¡¯d be handy to chop off, too. Tabitha was more than a little squeamish actually touching the thing, but the Tabi in her was unfazed at butchering dead animals. Seeing the situation through the strange lense of her otherworld memories helped a lot, because Tabi was well-versed in dismantling a wild chicken-like bird that was local to the Mure region. Galliforne grouse, Tabitha learned. Not terribly filling, but easy to catch and kill. I guess they were a staple of this previous body¡¯s diet? With exaggerated care, Tabitha pulled the goblin ear taut with one hand and applied her blade to the root, up against the thing¡¯s subhuman head. It bled when she made her cut, a sickening little squirt of red, and the sound made when she pulled the ear free was like shearing a stubborn branch off of a tree. Oh God gross gross GROSS! Tabitha almost panicked and threw her collected prize away immediately. Okay. Okay. It¡¯s gross but I can deal. I can handle this. It¡¯s just¡­ it¡¯s just like taking apart Galliforne grouse. That¡¯s something this body did all the time. Well, not all the time. Sometimes. Whenever she could. Anyways, I REMEMBER doing it, even if I¡¯ve TECHNICALLY never done it myself. The next ear was easier to take, although the horrid state that second goblin corpse was in absolutely mortified her. Hurrying away from the crime scene, Tabitha placed one right ear atop the other and then pressed and rolled them into the kirtle of cloth around her waist with practiced but at the same time unfamiliar motions. This world didn¡¯t have pockets, and only the wealthy carried things in leather pouches. Ordinary peasants like her stowed things wrapped a certain way in their kirtle sash, which in context here was a garment less like a dress and more like some sort of smock. Or maybe an apron? The strange fantasy-wear was one of the few things Tabi had owned herself. The shoddy knife, the sheath on her belt, the waxed leather jerkin she wore atop her kirtle, and even her boots were all on loan from the adventure guild outpost. They weren¡¯t worth coin, and calling them hand me downs would be a little too generous in the awful state they were in, but they weren¡¯t free¡ª it was custom for adventurers to either return them in better condition, or replace them when they advanced adventurer ranks. If they survived to advance their rank. Annnd my rank¡¯s gone. Naturally, Tabitha thought as she fled through the forest. Tabi was E rank, but whatever happened in the transference messed up overwriting that bit. I guess. I mean, she was super thrilled and proud to make E rank, but with my perspective on things now¡­ E rank was pretty much bottom-of-the barrel. Anyone below level five would fall into E rank, and in the town of Mure that basically just means young children. They probably only qualified Tabi to leave the village at all because the local merchants are either out of or getting low on tillyweed. Any normal girl would have parents around absolutely forbidding her to go out past the outer boundary wall alone before reaching D rank. They gave Tabi E rank and let her outside the walls because she was EXPENDABLE. E rank for ¡®expendable,¡¯ E rank means ¡®hey, she MIGHT not die.¡¯ ¡°This is all way too much shit to sort out,¡± Tabitha grumbled to herself. ¡°But, I¡¯m absolutely not going to be expendable.¡± Tabi hadn¡¯t been clear on how much proof of a goblin kill was worth to the guild. An economic system revolving around barter and haggling almost guaranteed that the nobody orphan starving-to-death newbie adventurer was going to get ripped off in every trade she made. I need to make sure I at least get¡­ what, thirty coppers each? A party of goblins sighted near Mure is going to stir up a local fuss, and I AM obligated by charter to report the nest. How can I make sure they don¡¯t short-change me when¡ª Before she could even finish her thought a wolf crashed into her from behind, toppling her to the ground. For a disorienting moment all Tabitha could think of was that she¡¯d been pushed again. This wasn¡¯t a random teenage bully at the school bus loop, however, and the wolf¡¯s fangs immediately went for Tabitha¡¯s neck upon bringing her down. Snarling and tearing teeth ripped across her fair skin, immediately eliciting a shriek of pain from the startled girl. Oh my God oh my God oh my God, Tabitha twisted beneath the weight of the beast and flailed, rolling with the wolf through the leaves and ferns. That HURTS, that HURTS YOU STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MANGY DOG! The young wolf had silently snuck up on her¡ªor maybe it had been tracking her all this while¡ªand Tabitha had been caught completely off guard despite her attempts at watching her surroundings. The flash of panic and terror subsided quickly, however, because Tabitha realized something was really off about her attacker.
Lodestone Wolf has been defeated!
250 XP
The wolf died suddenly, with only a yelping whine cut short when the easy prey turned out to somehow be ten full levels higher than it. The moment a surprised Tabitha attempted to grapple with the wolf vying to tear out her throat... her superior strength crushed and pulped the creature. It came apart in her hands in a mangled mess of musky fur and steaming innards. ¡°What the¡ªpffffttt!!¡± Tabitha sputtered through an unexpected spray of blood as she flung what remained of the wolf across the forest floor. ¡°What the fuck! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME, YOU FUCKERS!¡± Still huffing as she tried to calm herself back down, Tabitha brushed errant bits of matted gore off her already disgusting leather jerkin. The wolf looked more like a larger, somehow scrawnier dog¡­ probably. It was hard for her to tell now that it¡¯s head and neck had been mostly twisted off its body and it¡¯s entire front half was ripped open and deformed inwards. Wolf, wait, WOLF?! Tabitha froze and scanned her surroundings, but there was no sign of the rest of it¡¯s pack. Right. Not like a REAL wolf, it¡¯s like¡­ a monster, Tabitha breathed a sigh of relief. Not a pack hunter. Monster wolf; lodestone wolf. Tabi didn¡¯t know much about them, huh. Something to do with guarding a territory centered around a magic rock? Or magnetic rock? Something like that? She wasn¡¯t sure if magnetism counted as magic here, and she wasn¡¯t about to go hunting for a random rock right now, no matter how valuable it might be. Probing with her fingers along the back of her neck, she found it was already bleeding. Slight punctures in the skin at the top, with a bit of a ripped gash along the bottom, and it fucking hurt. The scratches and gashes the goblins had given her seemed like insignificant little stinging pains compared to this, this felt serious. Clamping a hand tightly against the agonizing bite marks, Tabitha gritted her teeth and focused her mind inwards.
Tabitha Moore
Class Undefined (Err?o?r? Ran???????k????????????)?????????????
Titles Returner, Dreamstrider, Transmigrator
Level 16 Health 22/280
Strength 30 Intelligence 64
Dexterity 44 Wisdom 35
Constitution 26 Charisma 40
My health was at¡­ what, fifty before? Somewhere around there? Jesus this freakin¡¯ hurts, Tabitha scowled. I was fortunate. But still, at this rate, I might not make it out of here alive. Even if Tabi had somehow escaped the clutches of those goblins, the wolf stalking along behind would have finished her with absolute certainty. All this pain and suffering, and for what? So some villagers have a pinch or two of tillyweed to put in their pipes? The knife came out again, and Tabitha stepped over to the bloody remains with a gleam of menace in her eyes.
Adger¡¯s senses tingled with alarm as his Watch skill triggered, and the young guardsman swiveled from where he had been standing atop the western lookout. Though the local pissants called the three meter high haphazard wooden construct a watchtower, Adger knew it was anything but. He was from a branch of the Bancroft family, after all, and had grown up among proper stone and mortar fortifications that rose up to nearly touch the sky. Leaning against the shabby railing¡ªa new addition just last summer, and he and the other four guardsmen stationed in Mure were pressing for awnings to keep out the rain next¡ªAdger strained his eyes to scan the outer boundary wall. It was a mere sliver of old earthen wall in the distance. Damn, damn, damn, Adger swore to himself. Unlike the other local guards, he¡¯d trained up no Hunter skills and therefore didn¡¯t possess Keen Eye. Adger¡¯s personal route of progression focused on a future where he would serve as a guardsmen for the Bancroft family, protecting their estates and storehouses from thieves. Keen Eye was of little utility in the confines of a city, while the more difficult to attain Watch was damn near a prerequisite. Never had the ol¡¯ WATCH scream at me like this, though, Adger hurried to secure the bandoleer of his nearby quiver so that it hung low at his waist and then tied the sash of his belt over the strap so that it wouldn¡¯t bounce and scatter his arrows everywhere if he had cause to break into a run. The tension he felt didn¡¯t dissipate when he finally spotted it¡ª the shape of something was scaling the wall in the distance. This far out, he had no idea what it was. Scrabbling for the empty tankard near the leg of his bench, he struck it twice against the dangling bronze plate to sound out a general warning. It wasn¡¯t quite loud enough to reach the other two lookout posts, and the southern one wasn¡¯t even manned today. All the same someone heard it, and he heard one of the Mure villagers calling out in response. ¡°Warning from the west!¡± The shout in the distance calling out sounded like one of the older farm hands. Having satisfied protocol, Adger grabbed his bow and began to quickly climb down the lookout. The thing that had crossed the wall was big, person-sized at least, and his Watch told him it was dangerous¡ª probably higher than a C Rank classification, if the adrenaline surging through him was any indicator. He remembered his training, however, and carefully tucked his bow between his legs, leveraging it from the front of one shin to the back of his other thigh so that he could slowly bend the weapon enough to properly string it. Taking no chances with a threat that could be serious, he grabbed the pike leaned up against the western lookout and marched out to the gantry of the western gate. The inner wall where he stood was an aging row of weathered timber that had been constructed from clearing the trees well over a generation ago in the founding of Mure. The press of vertical logs lashed and nailed together rose up two meters to sharpened points and had never been nice to look at, but such a mainstay of any frontier village wasn¡¯t meant to look pretty. The large, open stretch of fields outside the town¡¯s inner wall was all farmland, and the western expanse this season was lying fallow to let the rain, wind, and elements replenish the soil for future summers. In contrast, the outer boundary wall that ringed these fields was almost a joke. The sheer absurd length of it to encompass all the fields in Mure¡¯s domain meant a town this size couldn¡¯t spare the expense of any proper construction there. The boundary was an earthen work along most of the stretches, mostly a steep hill of pressed soil that would hopefully deter simple beasts from just wandering in. On the eastern side, near the great road they¡¯d managed to spruce up the boundary to shoulder-height stone pilings, but in the west? It was an old fence and a heap of dirt occasionally reinforced with discarded timber from the inner wall when those needed replaced. ¡°What do we have a visitin¡¯ today?¡± One of his fellow guardsmen Brigham yelled as he trotted over from within Mure. ¡°Watch went off,¡± Adger reported, displeased that Brigham hadn¡¯t thought to carry his pike with him. ¡°Over there, you can see it moving this way ¡®cross the field.¡± ¡°Watch went off?¡± Brigham frowned, and the man¡¯s eyes flashed with the telltale activation of Keen Eye as he glared into the distance. ¡°It¡¯s some girl¡ªyoung little thing. Got a deer or somefin¡¯ ¡®cross ¡®er shoulders. Poacher, mayhap?¡± ¡°S¡¯not right,¡± Adger scowled. ¡°Young girl wouldn¡¯t set off Watch. Not like this.¡± As they watched the distant shape approach them through the grassy field of knee-high weeds and ferns, Watch continued to throb in Adger¡¯s mind. Though the appearance of the intruder indeed resolved into a young girl with some large carcass strung over her shoulders, the unsettling feeling only intensified, until Adger was wringing the shaft of his pike in fear. Something¡¯s not right. ¡°Whoa, there!¡± Adger finally shouted over. ¡°Stand fast. Who are you, and what¡¯ve you got, there?¡± It wasn¡¯t a law that Mure¡¯s Explorers, Hunters, Lumberjacks, their few low-level Adventurers and the one Ranger couldn¡¯t traipse over the boundary wall, but guardsmen could still give them grief for it. Trodding more foot trails over the already unimpressive earthenworks went against common courtesy, and avoiding the proper entrance on the eastern side of Mure seemed to imply this girl was up to... questionable activities. ¡°Tabi Mure,¡± the girl answered, slowing to a halt twenty paces away. ¡°I¡¯m carrying a... lodestone wolf? It¡¯s heavy.¡± ¡°Lodestone wolf,¡± Brigham repeated in a skeptical tone. ¡°Tabi?¡± Adger muttered, turning to Brigham. ¡°Local girl?¡± ¡°There¡¯s a wee Tabi they just let out this morn to forage fer tilly, but this can¡¯t be ¡®er,¡± Brigham squinted his eyes. ¡°She¡¯d of been level one, mayhaps level two, at best. Little thing couldn¡¯t lift a lodestone wolf, let alone fetch a one all the way o¡¯er here.¡± ¡°Where¡¯d you find it?¡± Adger yelled to the girl. ¡°What are you doing with it?¡± ¡°Find it?! It found me,¡± Tabi called back in a wry voice. ¡°Almost tore my throat out. Sorry I didn¡¯t go all the way around the boundary wall¡ªmy health¡¯s dropped into single digits, and I¡¯d really like to find someone to help tend to my wounds.¡± ¡°Hold there!¡± Adger rebutted. ¡°Why¡¯re ye carrying tha blasted thing if ye¡¯ve injuries to the single digits?¡± ¡°Ah, well you see,¡± Tabi shrugged, actually hefting the large carcass across her shoulders up and down. ¡°I haven¡¯t any coin. If I promised payment for care with a pelt I didn¡¯t have in hand¡ªwell, who would believe me?¡± ¡°I¡¯m lookin¡¯ ¡®er right on and I don¡¯t believe it,¡± Brigham whispered. ¡°Approach, then!¡± Adger barked out. A tinge of guilt started to seep in as the girl stepped closer. She was young, barely of any proper age to be out past the walls, and the poor girl was in a sorry state. Dried blood from a fairly serious cut ran down her brow, her roughspun kirtle was ragged, and the leather jerkin she wore that signified her status as an E rank adventurer was spattered with blood and filth. Bedraggled as she was, this Tabi girl carried more than just a large animal carcass with her¡ªshe had an aura of gravitas to her, an air of pride and determination that seemed to press at his Watch skill in a peculiar way. Ye Gods. She¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s higher level than me?! Adger realized, instantly going pale. That shouldn¡¯t even be possible. Look at ¡®er! She¡¯s not even half grown into ¡®er kirtle! At twenty summers of age, Adger Bancroft was a very respectable level six, right on the cusp of his class advancing to Guard (Senior) and his promotion to outside of the rural nowhere backwoods that was Mure. With the exception of their local guard captain Lyndon who was at seventh level, the other guards were all in the D ranks¡ªlevel four or level five. The idea that a disheveled peasant girl who¡¯d clearly not yet seen her fifteenth summer was higher level than him¡ªdespite Adger¡¯s personal instruction from a Bancroft family tutor¡ªwas a concept so absurd that he found himself in total disbelief. ¡°Hnnng¡ªoophh,¡± Tabi grunted, heaving the wolf down off her shoulders to land heavily on the grass in front of them. ¡°Dumb thing snuck up on me. Killed it, tried to remove the pelt... but I was bleeding myself, and realized I was botching up the job something awful. It got me good here. How bad does it look?¡± The young girl turned, pulling her tangled red hair to the side to expose a series of deep, painful looking gashes across the back of her neck, wet with blood and beginning to trickle down her jerkin now that she didn¡¯t have the weight of a lodestone wolf pressing the wound shut. It looked bad, the serious kind of injury that should have by all rights completely incapacitated even a grown adult with the sheer trauma, and Adger stared at the mess dumbfounded until Brigham¡¯s swearing snapped him out of his reverie. ¡°What the Gods did this?¡± Brigham mumbled out a curse, crouching down to inspect the carcass. Both guardsmen stared in shock at what remained of the creature, barely recognizable as a wolf at all. A lodestone wolf was dangerous even for them, and with the size of this thing it wouldn¡¯t have been anything Adger would have been eager to tangle with alone. This one¡¯s front half had been mashed, however. Crushed; brutalized in a grotesque way, with the neck and head lolling freely and barely connected to the body at all. Ye Gods¡ªwhat did she do, tip o¡¯er a boulder onto the poor thing?! ¡°Uhh, hey,¡± Tabi interrupted with impatience. ¡°Health just dropped from seven to six. There any chance either of you knows first aid, or anything? Carrying that little bugger here took a lot out of me, I think I¡¯ve maybe lost a lot of blood because I¡¯m getting real woozy, and hey, I¡¯d really like to not die today?¡± It was jarring and surreal that a peasant girl from Mure would have the cheek to speak to him in such bold manner. But the circumstances, her injury, the horrific state of the monster she¡¯d dropped at the foot of the western gate, and more than anything the sheer pressure this girl exuded terrified him. Looking her once over again with wide eyes, he found the angry bloody lines of claw marks across her arm, and they didn¡¯t look like anything he¡¯d expect from a wolf. They were set too widely apart. In fact, this girl was torn up all over, as though she¡¯d waded through pitched battle with several distinctly different monsters in her trek through the wilderness west of Mure. ¡°R-right then,¡± Adger stammered. ¡°Best get ye to Lyndon straight away. Brigham¡ªkeep watch ¡®ere for a spell!¡± 27: Tabithas long convalescence. ¡°¡ªThere we go, think that did the trick,¡± a nonplussed voice from out of nowhere remarked. Tabitha jolted back to awareness with her sinuses screaming, and caught a blurry glimpse of a hand holding a white paper capsule covered with tiny black text. Her brain wasted no time connecting the overpowering ammonia inhalant in the air to the idea of smelling salts, and being roused back to consciousness in such a manner was a lot more unpleasant than she¡¯d have ever imagined. There were three faces crowded around wherever she was lying, it was way too bright, and she felt completely exhausted, too tired to even dream about sitting up. ¡°...Tabitha?¡± A woman asked. Tabitha tried to blink the bright blur into defined shapes and shift her position¡ªher body felt stiff and heavily-laden, and her head felt strangely detached, seemingly anchored to reality only by a terrible aching pain that radiated out from the side of her temple. The woman spoke again, but Tabitha¡¯s attention was bleary and wandering. All she could make out was that the voice was choked with emotion, and not someone she immediately recognized, which added to the strangeness of her situation. ¡°Tabby?¡± Hannah asked in a meek voice. ¡°Hello to Tabitha?¡± She knew that voice for sure, and it was coming from the smaller face, closer down to the horizon of muddled shapes that she was beginning to realize was her body on a hospital bed. I¡¯m back. I¡¯m BACK. Only knew Hannah in ONE lifetime, and it¡¯s the life I wanted¡ªthe life I WANT, the one I was wishing for. Thank you, thank you thank you thank you... ¡°Hannah...?¡± Tabitha managed out. Her own words came out as more of a breathless sigh than audible speech, and Tabitha wondered if anyone would be able to hear her. There simply wasn¡¯t any strength in her diaphragm she could intone into her words to project them at any volume. The sheer effort of speaking was so impossibly taxing that it made her feel like she needed to black out and rest all over again. ¡°She just said ¡®Hannah,¡¯¡± the woman exclaimed. ¡°Hannah¡ªthat¡¯s my daughter right here¡¯s name! Tabitha recognized¡ª¡± ¡°Quiet please, quiet, let¡¯s not overwhelm the girl,¡± the male voice admonished her. ¡°Miss Tabitha, we¡¯ve contacted your parents, and they¡¯re on their way here right now. Would it be alright if I asked you a few questions?¡± ¡°Hurts,¡± Tabitha croaked in her tiny voice. She wasn¡¯t against answering questions, but her head was splitting and this seemed like a crucial thing to convey to them as quickly as she could. ¡°Yes, I¡¯d expect so,¡± the doctor murmured. ¡°We took you off of¡ªwell, we¡¯ll get some morphine in your IV in just a moment. You¡¯re a very, very lucky girl¡ªyou¡¯ve been legally dead for two days, now. You¡¯ll have a very interesting certificate of death to show off. Can you describe your current pain for me on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the highest?¡± ¡°Six,¡± Tabitha replied in a low murmur, fighting to keep her eyes open. ¡°On it¡¯s way to¡­ seven.¡± ¡°Six, on it¡¯s way to seven,¡± the doctor repeated. ¡°Good, good. We¡¯ll get that taken care of for you. Do you know where you are?¡± In light of her recent¡ªand confusing¡ªexperiences, that felt like a hell of a loaded question. Tabitha blinked with difficulty again, fighting to glare through the haze of exhaustion and eyeball her surroundings. She realized Hannah was holding her hand in a tight little grip, and it filled her with comfort. Tabitha tried to squeeze back, but there didn¡¯t seem to be much strength in her right hand. Or anywhere. ¡°...Springton General,¡± Tabitha finally answered. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªyes, you¡¯re in a hospital, Springton General Hospital,¡± The doctor nodded, seeming pleased with the measure of her faculties. ¡°Can you tell me the last thing you remember?¡± Dangling in the darkness from Hannah¡¯s voice. Smashing my head into the back of 2045¡¯s MRI prototype in the University of Louisville Hospital. Escaping a series of memories and or nightmares via F-22, the Lockheed Martin single-seat, twin-engine, all-weather stealth tactical fighter aircraft of my dreams. Those awful girls, chasing me through the endless parking lot. I remember talking with Julie, and she felt so REAL. So real¡­ There was¡ªthere was another timeline that started. Fuck, I think that WAS real, but my brain bleeding or some sort of damage¡­ DISCONNECTED me? I timed out? Brain bleed. Brain bleed, because Erica Taylor¡ª ¡°Violence,¡± Tabitha mumbled, deciding to tactfully keep some things to herself. ¡°Violence and pain.¡± ¡°Violence and pain,¡± The doctor echoed, seeming a little taken aback. ¡°If you could describe¡ª¡± ¡°Seven now,¡± Tabitha interrupted to report, squeezing her eyes shut and furrowing her brow. ¡°...Eight, soon.¡± ¡°Alrighty, everything else can certainly wait,¡± the doctor relented. ¡°Giving you some morphine now. You¡¯re going to feel very, very drowsy, but you shouldn¡¯t be feeling any pain. Oh, and¡ªwelcome back.¡± He wasn¡¯t kidding about the feeling¡ªalmost instantly, Tabitha felt like the sharp agony in her head was stifled beneath blanket after blanket of smothering cottony tiredness that completely buried her senses. Her waking thought processes slowed to a sluggish, exhausted crawl, sinking into a soporific muddle-headedness that made her surreal dreams from before seem to have been in vivid clarity by contrast. The following conversations occurring right by her bedside seemed to travel enormous distances to reach the semi-aware part of her mind in broken, disjointed sentences, and when the words arrived at all, they did so in a droning, nearly incomprehensible murmur. ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªprocedures for¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ªright to alert us as quickly as you¡ª¡ª¡ªparents here by her side when she¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª ither medical miracle, or misdiagnosis. They¡¯re going to run another battery of tests to¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ªindication of¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª?¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ªdon¡¯t want to¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª ketchup and pickle only, please! Thank y¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªrecovery¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ªssible that the instruments we have available here weren¡¯t sensitive enough to detect brain activity below a certain threshold. There¡¯s never been¡ª¡ª¡ªell them she was awake and alert, she managed to say a few words. Yes, yes, we¡ª¡ª¡ªcan¡¯t tell anything else until¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªvisitors, until there¡¯s¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª?¡± ¡°¡ªstop that. Hannah Honey, give her some space. She needs to rest¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ª¡ªknow what else we can say. Up until this case, this was unprecedented, there was no¡ª¡ª¡ª¡± ¡°¡ª¡ªbitha?!¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªhear me?¡± ¡°¡ª¡ªTabitha baby? Tabby, can you hear me? We¡¯re all¡ª¡ª¡ª¡±
Mrs. Moore wrung the handrail spanning the side of Tabitha¡¯s hospital bed in a death grip. Her eyes were still red-rimmed, her lips were pressed into a thin line, and her figure was noticeably thinner than it had been just the week before. Emotionally, mentally, and physically, she felt about as hollowed out as any one person could be. She¡¯d had no appetite since it happened, and she¡¯d spent several insensate days sobbing and screaming herself to the point of weakness and dehydration. Her husband hadn¡¯t fared much better, seeming to age several decades in those several days and speaking only in clipped, terse sentences. Hearing that Tabitha had inexplicably woken up¡ªwoken up from being legally brain dead, was more than she could comprehend right now, and she was still terrified to believe there was any hope, that it might actually be true. Mrs. Moore was empty of everything else and still reeling¡ªshe wanted them to force Tabitha awake again just so that she could confirm it with her own eyes, and she also couldn¡¯t bear to. She felt her heart breaking at the pain and suffering her daughter was going through. ¡°Are you gonna be okay?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked, giving her a look of concern. ¡°Soon as I can hear her speak again,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded quickly, tears erupting out of nowhere to stream down her face again. ¡°As soon as I can see her awake again, alive again. Then I¡¯ll be great. Perfect. Everything will be...¡± ¡°I know exactly what you mean,¡± Mrs. Macintire patted her hand. ¡°This whole thing terrifies me. I was sitting right there in the chair and didn¡¯t realize a thing. If Hannah hadn¡¯t happened to notice something was wrong, that Tabitha was having a nightmare¡ªhell, if this brain activity deal was all a misdiagnosis, some sort of goddamned malpractice fucking fuckup...¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± Mrs. Moore blurted out, sniffling and trying to stop her breath from hitching up. ¡°If I can see her again¡ªif we can get her back, I don¡¯t care about anything else. I¡¯ll care later. I¡¯ll be, I¡¯ll be furious later. Right now I just, I just¡ª¡± ¡°She is back,¡± Mrs. Macintire reassured her with a comforting hug. ¡°They diagnosed her as brain dead and instead she wakes up and starts talking! Everything¡¯s going to be fine, with a little bit of time. Someone up there¡¯s still looking out for Tabitha, and He¡¯ll make sure she pulls through this.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right¡ªyou¡¯re, you¡¯re right,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded, wiping distractedly at her tears. With Sandra¡¯s husband Officer Macintire transferred to Springton General for his recovery and Tabitha admitted to the adjacent wing, Mrs. Macintire and her seven-year-old daughter had been spending almost all of their free time here visiting in the rooms of either one or the other patients. The harmful what-ifs thinking about what would have happened if Tabitha had stirred near consciousness and no one had been there to see... were horrifying to consider. They¡¯d taken her off life support because there¡¯d supposedly been absolutely no chance of recovery. Mrs. Moore wasn¡¯t feeling the rage and anger about it yet, but it was certainly weighing more on her mind each passing moment. Alan Moore stood off to the side, simply staring with a vacant expression. He¡¯d been bottling up all of the pain of losing Tabitha internally and had been pushed well past the point of shutting down¡ªMrs. Moore felt ashamed that she¡¯d been in no position to help him through it. They¡¯d both just been completely struck dumb and absolutely lost¡ªhow do any parents anywhere cope with loss of this magnitude? They¡¯d missed the Monday expulsion hearing, which came and went with little fanfare¡ªonly Chris Thompson was expelled, with the other girls each being released from their suspensions to return to school for a period of ¡®academic probation.¡¯ Mrs. Moore couldn¡¯t really bring herself to care about any of the bastards. High school bullying had passed well under the local news station¡¯s radar, but assault and battery at a Halloween party that left a pretty teenage girl in a vegetative state did not, and when Channel Seven began connecting the dots they quickly seemed to realize there was quite a story to run. Tabitha¡¯s involvement in the Springton South Main Shooting allowed them to dredge up old footage again, and several of the district schools pulled their entire student bodies out of class for a lecture on teen violence and the implementation of new zero-tolerance anti-bullying measures in the student code of conduct. Democratic Kentucky Governor Paul E. Patton released a statement expressing his regret and condolences, touting Bill Clinton¡¯s recent First Annual Report on School Safety¡ªa study commissioned between the US Department of Justice and the US Department of Education¡ªas well as reiterating last year¡¯s talking points regarding the school shooting in West Paducah, Kentucky. Between the political expediency of using the incident as another topic in support of Clinton¡¯s School Safety Report and Tabitha Moore¡¯s favored hometown hero status with the Springton Police¡­ Channel Seven had the local communities at large worked up into a frothing rage at what had happened to Tabitha. Erica Taylor herself wasn¡¯t expelled¡ªthe teen was instead transferred, to a Juvenile Detention Center all the way over in Breathitt County¡ªunanimously expedited away from the increasingly hostile Springton crowd to await her court date. People were angry, and a deluge of supportive phone calls and letters arrived at the Moore household, each fielded and dealt with by Grandma Laurie, who provisionally crowded both herself and the boys into the small trailer day by day to keep an eye on her son and daughter-in-law. Elena¡¯s father, representing the offices of Seelbaugh and Straub, offered his counsel and insisted that with the current circumstances, any and all charges they decided to press were guaranteed to stick. Mrs. Moore had been trying not to think about it¡ªher thoughts wandered into dangerous ideas of murderous revenge whenever she didn¡¯t clamp down on them tightly enough. She knew she should appreciate the assistance and attention of so many well-wishing strangers, but she felt nothing, nothing but loss and grief and disbelief. Tabitha CAN¡¯T ever leave us. She¡ªshe can¡¯t. SHE CAN¡¯T, Mrs. Moore thought, squeezing the hospital bed¡¯s handrail until she was clutching the bar in a white-knuckled grip. Her lovely daughter¡¯s head was still wrapped in bandages, and the only indication that she¡¯d ever returned to them at all was that she would now shift slightly in her sleep, gently cant her head to one side as much as the neck brace allowed. Tabitha looked small and frail, a tiny waif of a girl that barely filled out the hospital gown. They¡¯d cut away the broken cast on her left hand without bothering to replace or splint it, leaving the ugly old yellowing bruises on full display. Though supposedly not brain dead now, Mrs. Moore stood solemn vigil, watching her with wet eyes. She wouldn¡¯t sit down or relax until she¡¯d seen her wake up for herself. You¡¯re not even fourteen yet, Mrs. Moore began to cry again. Your birthday¡¯s next month¡ªyou were about to miss your birthday, Tabby. You can¡¯t miss your birthday. Fourteen years¡ªthere¡¯s so much lost time, and I haven¡¯t even started making it all up to you properly.
¡°¡®Lena? Honey?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s voice called through the bedroom door. ¡°Are you alright? I thought I heard glass breaking.¡± ¡°You did,¡± Elena bit out. ¡°I¡¯m fine. I¡¯m fine.¡± The fourteen-year-old blonde hugged herself as she cast a hollow stare past the wreckage of her once-tidy room. She¡¯d had a bit of an episode, and after crying and screaming into her pillow behind the locked door for several hours, Elena had decided to¡­ redecorate. Posters had all been ripped into papery shreds as she clawed them off of her walls, and she¡¯d crumpled the cut-out magazine sections and old middle-school artwork that had been taped up. Picture frames had been knocked down, she¡¯d torn and thrown every book on her bookshelf, and the little decorative glass angel that normally caught the light on her windowsill had been hurled against the far wall. ¡°Elena?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh prompted again. ¡°Can I¡­ come in?¡± ¡°I want to be alone for a while,¡± Elena replied in a flat voice, slowly scratching her fingernails down her arms. ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh replied. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m always here for you. Whenever you need me.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said without emotion. When she heard her mother reluctantly step back away from her door and leave, Elena slowly exhaled. Her eyes hurt. Her room was a total disaster, without even safe carpet space to step anywhere after she¡¯d finished toppling everything off of her dresser, desk, and shelving unit. Worst of all, she didn¡¯t understand why she¡¯d done any of it, why the sudden impulse to destroy had suddenly taken hold and refused to let go. It¡¯s not, like, a TANTRUM or anything, Elena glanced around with disinterest and disgust at the trashed remains of a room she¡¯d once been proud of. It¡­ it just¡­ I don¡¯t know? Frowning to herself, the teen wasn¡¯t sure she could actually rationalize her actions to her parents. Elena had absolutely thrown tantrums before¡ªeven as recently as the previous school year, back when she¡¯d still been friends with Carrie. Looking back on it now, tantrums seemed so childish. No, this today didn¡¯t felt anything like a tantrum. It felt like madness, horror, it made her insides sick and her mind turn cold, detached, and bitter. Screaming hadn¡¯t helped, it just made her throat sore. Punching her pillow and mattress was futile. Something about her bedroom itself had suddenly become absolutely abhorrent to her. The room had been too Elena, and each of the tastefully-chosen decorations throughout the room, every poster that had been picked out because of how it reflected her tastes, every picture of herself smiling with friends or family became a repulsive monument to insipid teenage vanity. Without any warning, all at once and in an overwhelmingly drastic way, Elena hated all of it. All of it needed to be destroyed. She didn¡¯t feel better after the fact, though. Everything still felt wrong, everything still needed fixed, but she wasn¡¯t sure what that entailed, or what that could even mean anymore. Raking her fingernails down her arms one last time, a brilliant idea came to her¡ªinspiration. She stomped and kicked through the mess on her floor, smashing a plastic case filled with her old school supplies beneath her shoe. Crouching down over it, Elena carelessly scattered the purple plastic shards with her fingertips and picked through broken crayons in search of¡ªthere you are. Her good pair of scissors. I can cut off all my hair! Elena decided with glee. That will¡ªthat will help. It will. It will. It needs to go. The old Elena needs to fucking¡ª ¡°Elena!¡± Her mother¡¯s voice called from across the house. ¡°Mrs. Williams just called¡ª something¡¯s happened with Tabitha at the hospital. Can you hurry and get dressed to go?¡± No. No no no no no no, Elena felt her throat constrict. See Tabitha? No, I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t. She flung the pair of scissors back into the pile junk pulled out of her desk drawer as if they had bitten her hand, and then backpedaled unsteadily across the mess strewn about her room. Elena slipped on one of the dozens of Zoobooks that had spilled off of her lowest bookshelf and stumbled into the corner. Tabitha. Something happened. She¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s dead, isn¡¯t she? Elena quaked in dread, clutching at her face as the tears returned. I. I killed her. It¡¯s my fault I killed her I told her it was SAFE and convinced her to go EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDN¡¯T EVEN WANT TO GO and now she¡¯s¡ª she¡¯s. She¡¯s dead. All because of me, all because I THOUGHT I FUCKING KNEW BEST. All because I thought getting closer to Matthew and us all having better standing at FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL was more important than her being absolutely fucking safe and away from everything. I¡ªI can¡¯t. I can¡¯t. I CAN¡¯T. Elena wasn¡¯t aware of how many minutes had passed as she¡¯d curled up in the corner and sobbed into her hands, but the next thing she knew, comforting arms were around her, and her mother was there. She flinched back in surprise at first, but Mrs. Seelbaugh wouldn¡¯t let herself be pushed away, instead kneeling in the junk strewn across the carpet and hugging her tight. Right. Right. Doorknob has that line bit in the middle of it, that you can unlock from the other side with a screwdriver. I should have, should have moved the dresser. Barricaded. She knows what I did, though. Why would she even BOTHER to¡ª? ¡°We¡¯re going to get through this, ¡®Lena,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh insisted. ¡°We can do this. I don¡¯t know that I made any sense of what Mrs. Williams was saying, but Tabitha hasn¡¯t passed away. Okay? Not just yet. She is¡­ she is maybe doing a little better than she was, and I think we should go and see. What do you think?¡± ¡°Mom, it¡¯s my fault¡ª¡± ¡°No. No,¡± her mother disagreed. ¡°No, Elena, Honey, listen to me. I know how this all must feel, but this is all on that Erica Taylor girl. She attacked Tabitha. Not you. When you try to take all the culpability for what happened and put it on yourself, you¡¯re taking blame off of Erica Taylor. Is that what you want? Do you want her to have any less blame for what she did?¡± ¡°...No,¡± Elena said through gritted teeth. She still didn¡¯t agree with her mother, but she didn¡¯t have the energy to fight her right here on this¡ªher Dad was a capable attorney, and he had yet to ever win an argument against his wife. You don¡¯t understand. You just don¡¯t understand. Mom, you always understand and get everything, but this time you just DON¡¯T. You don¡¯t understand. YOU DON¡¯T UNDERSTAND.
The urge and inspiration to create something beautiful, something mesmerizing, seemed to thrum through Alicia¡¯s fingertips, but every time she put her pencil to the paper, nothing appeared on the blank space. Not so much as a scribble was conjured into being; lately her ability to create seemed to be completely stopped up. Sometimes, she would stare in frustration at the empty sheet for minutes on end, other days she would put the page away and rifle through her previous drawings in vexation. Today, she threw her pencil across the classroom. Okay. Okay, I can¡¯t deal, Alicia rubbed her eyes with her knuckles. I need to¡­ to find SOMEONE to talk to. Probably. About all of this. A few heads turned, and Mr. Morrison gave her a questioning glance, but Alicia had already slumped back down in her seat, cradling her face in her hands. She hadn¡¯t shed a single tear since they all thought they¡¯d lost Tabitha, but the urge to cry persisted just behind her eyes, lingering there, taunting her with an emotional release that just wouldn¡¯t come out. It felt like she needed to bawl, to cry and scream and cause a fit, but the most she could manage to force out was a few ragged breaths. The sobs were still stuck, as if hung up on something deep down in her throat. I can¡¯t talk to Elena about this. Not now, Alicia decided. Maybe I could NEVER talk to her about this¡­ Elena hadn¡¯t been present at school since Tabitha had been attacked. Well, the blonde was physically present; Elena attended classes, and her body occupied space within the campus grounds. But, she wasn¡¯t there. Elena had checked out, there was no Elena spark in her at the moment, just an Elena-shaped teenage girl with a vacant expression and monosyllabic responses. Tabitha had become close with Elena, and it was normal for Elena to grieve like she was. Alicia¡¯s relationship with Tabitha was turning out to have been a lot more hopelessly complicated. I... maybe have a big crush on Tabitha, Alicia struggled to admit to herself. Some... I don¡¯t know, some weird level of attraction. Affection? I don¡¯t think it¡¯s SEXUAL or anything like that. Probably. She¡¯s just¡ªthere¡¯s just something special about her to me. Irreplaceable. COMPLETELY irreplaceable, and... She¡¯d been fighting to suppress some strange, unbidden feelings for a while now¡ªbut given the circumstances, it was just impossible for Alicia not to totally fixate on Tabitha. Her red-haired friend was possibly, even probably a goddamned time-traveller from the future! In that light, every little thing the lovely teen did demanded Alicia¡¯s complete attention. Enormous implications could possibly be gleaned from any trivial little slip of the tongue when hanging out with Tabitha. For weeks and weeks, Alicia had told herself that this was all these feelings were. Interest. Because Tabitha might really be from the future. But, there was more¡ªso much more. Tabitha was beautiful. She had a beauty that seemed to start on the inside and bloom outwards into her actual appearance, some incredible, intangible thing that shone from deep within. Artistically speaking, Tabitha had without any doubt become Alicia¡¯s muse in every way. The Tabitha in motion photo she¡¯d snapped was her current masterpiece. Drawings of Tabitha¡¯s different expressions now populated Alicia¡¯s artbook, crowding out anything else she wanted to draw. The old guilty practice scribblings of bare breasts stashed behind her bed frame had been replaced with sketch after sketch of naked shoulders and the slender lines of a lovely neck¡ªall distinctly Tabitha. That doesn¡¯t make me a LESBO, though, Alicia scowled to herself. Right? Like, no way. I didn¡¯t want to BE with her, or like, DO THINGS with her. Except maybe try kissing her. Okay... that¡¯s¡­ yeah. That¡¯s pretty gay, I guess. Fuck! Alicia didn¡¯t want to be gay, though. Having weird, fluttery warm feelings of nascent attraction for another girl¡ªwho happened to also be her best friend and in fact one of her only friends¡ªwas an awful experience. The guilt and self-doubt was compounded by the attack during the Halloween party, and it felt like her already squeezed and constrained emotions clamped down so hard that she was a smooshed mess on the inside. The only reason she was functioning any little bit better than Elena was because she¡¯d been putting up a false front regarding Tabitha for some time now. That made her feel awful, too.
¡°Princess¡­ everyone hates me,¡± Clarissa confided. ¡°I think I hate them back?¡± The limited edition Beanie Baby gazed down upon the teen from her glass case with her usual wisdom and grace, and Clarissa tried to imagine what the purple Bear was trying to tell her. The rows and rows of the other Beanie Babies that filled the wooden curio above her bed seemed to be judging her, and Clarissa couldn¡¯t bear to look at them right now. She could only trust her Princess Diana Bear right now. ¡°If they weren¡¯t my real friends, then that means I wasn¡¯t a real friend to them, either,¡± Clarissa said, staring up into Princess¡¯ solemn dark plastic eyes. ¡°Right?¡± The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. The expulsion hearing had gone well for Clarissa. The threat of being held back a year turned out to be posturing on the school board¡¯s part, and everyone was released from their suspensions with a stern warning about their behavior. Everyone with the exception of Chris Thompson¡ªbut, he¡¯d actually physically attacked another student on school grounds. Of course he would get expelled. Erica Taylor wasn¡¯t mentioned at all, and when questioned about it, her Dad had put on a grim face and said that Erica Taylor was being dealt with by people much higher up than some shitty school board meeting. After the stress and terror of being held back turned out to be a slap on the wrist and a scolding, Clarissa had returned to school that very Tuesday almost giddy with relief. Everything had already changed, though. The friendships she¡¯d made previously were nowhere to be found¡ªthe other girls seemed amused that Clarissa would dare to talk to them, after what she¡¯d done. They laughed at her, snubbed her, quickly outed her as the cruel bully who¡¯d stolen that poor Tabitha girl¡¯s notebook and gotten caught. As if they all hadn¡¯t talked about doing it, as if they hadn¡¯t helped goad her into doing it. Clarissa watched in indignant disbelief as each of her friendships was tested for the very first time, and each of them, every single one, failed. ¡°Yeah,¡± Clarissa chuckled, lowering her eyes away from Princess Diana Bear. ¡°Right. I hate ¡®em. Stupid, it was all¡ªit¡¯s all so stupid.¡±
¡°Mom?¡± Tabitha asked in a weak voice, cracking her eyes open. ¡°I¡¯m here,¡± Mrs. Moore jolted up from the seat at the side of the small room and rushed to her side. ¡°I¡¯m here, Sweetie. I¡¯m right here.¡± Lifting up her right hand¡ªit felt heavy and sluggish¡ªTabitha immediately felt her mother take it firmly in her hands. It was still a struggle to see, but it was difficult to tell if it was because the small room was too dimly lit or too bright. Impossibly, it seemed to be both at the same time. Mrs. Moore¡¯s faintly smiling face was lined with worry as Tabitha looked up at her in a bit of a daze, and despite the circumstances it was the first time she was really struck with how her mother still had that glimmer of her gorgeous old self within her. ¡°I love you, Mom,¡± Tabitha croaked out. She was back where she belonged. This was the mother she was never, ever going to let go of, and although the delusions of that surreal fever dream were beginning to dilute and subside into faded almost-memories, Tabitha¡¯s resolve remained firm. I¡¯m not going to let you go. I¡¯m going to save you. I mean it. ¡°I love you too, Sweetie,¡± Mrs. Moore whispered. ¡°I love you too. So much. We thought we¡¯d lost you. They said¡ªthey said you were gone. God gave us a miracle, he brought you back to us. You¡¯re a miracle, Tabby Sweetie.¡± ¡°Then,¡± Tabitha said slowly, ¡°let¡¯s go to church. Sometime.¡± ¡°You want to go to church?¡± Mrs. Moore asked in surprise. ¡°We can do that, we can start going to church.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Of course, really,¡± Mrs. Moore promised. ¡°If you want us to go to church, then we¡¯re all going to church. Every Sunday.¡± ¡°I figure,¡± Tabitha breathed, ¡°that, it can¡¯t hurt. Right?¡± ¡°You¡¯re right, you¡¯re absolutely right,¡± Mrs. Moore said quickly, trying to smile. ¡°I don¡¯t know why we weren¡¯t going. He¡¯s¡ªHe¡¯s been so good to us. We¡¯ll find a good church to go to.¡± ¡°Elena¡¯s family. Presbyterian,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°But, ¡®Licia and the Williams¡¯¡ªMethodist.¡± Speaking in complete sentences somehow seemed like a huge hurdle, and whatever soup of morphine they were feeding into her IV had Tabitha feel like she was right on the cusp of falling back asleep at any moment. It was incredibly tiresome, but even through the fog of painkillers the side of her head felt raw, as if they¡¯d sheared off part of her skull to access the bleed on her brain. No, not a bleed on my brain, Tabitha told herself. Not for sure. That was just something from my dream. Probably. I¡¯ll need to ask what actually happened here sometime soon. Get everything straight. ¡°Presbyterian and Methodist?¡± Mrs. Moore repeated. ¡°We¡¯ll go to whichever one you want. We can try them both. Elena, Alicia, the Williams¡ªeveryone¡¯s been in to see you. Hannah stops in every day and holds your hand. You woke up for a bit, tried to say something to Elena, but we couldn¡¯t figure out what it was before you were out again. You just went out like a light.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha frowned, furrowing her brow. ¡°Sorry. Don¡¯t remember.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, it¡¯s okay,¡± Her mother quickly reassured her. ¡°You can talk to everyone when you¡¯re feeling a little better. Everyone just had to rush back when we got word that you were making a recovery. It really is a miracle, Tabitha. You were so close to¡ªwell. It¡¯s Heaven-sent, that He gave you back to us. I love you so much, Tabitha. I didn¡¯t know what I was ever going to do without you. Frightens me even imagining it. I, I just couldn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m here,¡± Tabitha promised, attempting to squeeze Mrs. Moore¡¯s hand with her own. ¡°Can¡¯t leave. Too much to do.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t leave¡ªtoo much to do?¡± Mrs. Moore repeated, wiping at her eyes. ¡°Oh, Sweetie. I love you.¡± ¡°Love you, Mom,¡± Tabitha mumbled as she drifted back into unconsciousness.
¡°Nothing here, either?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh failed to hide her disappointment. ¡°Nothing?¡± The Sandboro Mall was once again the first place her mother thought of to try to cheer Elena up, some small comfort or semblance of normalcy to interrupt the strange gloom her daughter had fallen into. Instead, each of their familiar shopping haunts filled her with disgust and self-loathing, and Elena glared across the racks of flannel and plaid in distaste and crossed her arms at the rows of distressed jeans on mannequin displays. ¡°Can I just¡­ walk around on my own a bit?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Of course you can!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh quickly dug into her purse. ¡°Do you want some twenties, or¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t need to buy anything,¡± Elena shook her head, trying not to get annoyed. She knew her mother was doing anything and everything to help, she knew her Mom cared, just right now with her mood... every little thing was an aggravation that seemed to get under her skin. Elena needed some distance for a little while. From a lot of things. ¡°Just want to go around on my own.¡± ¡°Of course¡ªI understand completely,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh acknowledged with a slightly pained expression. ¡°I was getting hungry anyways! I¡¯ll just grab a pretzel and sit at the bench by the fountain at the intersection there. Will you be¡ªum, will you please try not to go too far down the way? Please? Just the stores in sight of the fountain. Or, you cou¡ª¡± ¡°I won¡¯t go far,¡± Elena promised, stepping in to give her mother the hug she knew the woman needed¡ªher Mom was positively radiating worry and concern. ¡°Thanks, Mom.¡± For the next thirty minutes, Elena threaded her way through the aisles and racks of the nearby stores with a listless expression, examining the wares with detachment as she fought to distance herself from the Elena of before. The jewelry store held less interest for her than ever before, the shop filled with purses, wallets, and watches bored her, and looking at shoes seemed too old Elena. The Waldenbooks held promise and she knew there was escape somewhere in the hundreds of books arrayed on those shelves, but a pair of cheery teenage girls were babbling and gossiping there and the compulsion to leave overtook her. Having no other stores left to explore and with her mother sneaking awkward glances in her direction from the bench by the fountain, Elena trudged reluctantly into the place she didn¡¯t belong¡ªthe Sandboro Mall¡¯s Hot Topic. The despondent blonde almost scowled and walked right back out again¡ª the displays right in the entrance were all South Park merchandise and wrestling paraphernalia; black shirts with nWo or Austin 3:16 on them. Glancing around at the walls she saw band tees for Korn, Sublime, and No Doubt, also all on black shirts. Why is everything BLACK, though? Elena thought to herself, already turning to leave. ¡°Yeah, can I help you?¡± the punkish young woman behind the counter asked with annoyance. The girl looked completely absurd¡ª her hair was a garish shade of neon green and arrayed to taper into six-inch spikes that jutted out from her scalp in every direction. Between the spikes her roots were growing in a dull, ashy and damaged color. The Hot Topic employee was glaring daggers at her through eyeliner drawn on so heavily that Elena couldn¡¯t help but think of it as Halloween makeup, and both her lip and brow sported piercings. Beside the employee behind the counter was a much older man¡ªperhaps her dad¡¯s age, who wore a leather vest over a sleeveless band shirt and had tattoos running down both arms. ¡°Hah, don¡¯t mind her!¡± The older man barked out in a surprisingly cordial voice. ¡°What can we help ya find, Little Miss?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Elena tried not to stare. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m. I don¡¯t know, I¡¯m looking for¡­ a new me?¡± ¡°A new you?¡± The man seemed to light up. ¡°You¡¯ve come to the right place!¡± ¡°No you haven¡¯t,¡± The punk girl disagreed in a deadpan monotone that reminded Elena of the MTV Daria cartoon. ¡°A new you isn¡¯t something one buys or puts a price tag on. Mr. Gary¡¯s just trying to make a sale. Mindless consumerism is everything that¡¯s wrong with¡ª¡± ¡°Pardon my employee Ziggy here¡ªshe gets a little confused,¡± The man said with a good-natured chuckle. ¡°I¡¯m sure we have something here that¡¯ll be just what you need.¡± Elena couldn¡¯t help but stare at the punk girl¡¯s nametag, which did indeed read ¡®Ziggy.¡¯ Figuring she didn¡¯t have anything to lose, she let out a slow breath and decided to lay her cards on the table. ¡°I don¡¯t really know what I¡¯m doing. I just¡­ don¡¯t want to be me anymore. I don¡¯t like who I was, and I want to¡­ distance myself from it, as much as possible?¡± Elena mumbled out in embarrassment, gesturing across the dark apparel on display. ¡°I just. Don¡¯t know if all of this is me, either.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right at that age where you need to figure out your identity,¡± The man¡ªapparently Mr. Gary¡ªnodded, stepping out from the central counter kiosk. ¡°Went through it all myself, we all do. The best advice anyone can give you is that real change comes from within.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t listen to him,¡± Ziggy muttered under her breath. ¡°He¡¯ll use any bumper sticker sophism to try to sell you something.¡± ¡°Ziggy, please,¡± Mr. Gary rolled his eyes. ¡°Go look busy or something, will ya? Anyways, as I was saying¡ªreal change comes from within. Now, what does that mean, exactly? For other people, I couldn¡¯t tell ya. But, for me, that always meant music.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Elena said, glancing around the aisles. ¡°You sell music?¡± ¡°We do sell a bit of music,¡± Mr. Gary admitted, looking up across the wall of band tees on display. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t recommend buying anything blind, though. Not at these prices, hah! Won¡¯t even suggest any bands for ya¡ªmy tastes are pretty rooted in the time period I grew up in, and¡­ well, discovering the music that moves you is part of your own personal journey.¡± ¡°Wait, you¡¯re looking for music?¡± Ziggy¡¯s affected apathy disappeared. ¡°I can recommend you some¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, now you want to sell something?!¡± Mr. Gary waved her off. ¡°Get outta here with your garage-band punko garbage.¡± ¡°Are you looking for music?¡± Ziggy ignored her boss to fixate on Elena. ¡°What do you listen to now?¡± ¡°I... don¡¯t know. Normal stuff from on the radio?¡± Elena shrugged. Staring at the punk girl¡¯s giant green spikes, the sudden impulse to reveal something swept over her. ¡°I was actually thinking about cutting my hair real short, finding a, um. Totally different look. I... don¡¯t really know what I¡¯m going to do.¡± ¡°Well, definitely don¡¯t cut off all your hair,¡± Mr. Gary snorted. ¡°You have great¡ª¡± ¡°You should shave it all off,¡± Ziggy disagreed with enthusiasm. ¡°Or buzz most of it off, and then put the rest up in a mohawk, or spikes. My girlfriend Monique did my hair, I can write down her number for¡ª¡± ¡°Whoa there, slow down Ziggy,¡± Mr. Gary laughed. ¡°If she ends up hating it, she can¡¯t exactly put it all back right away, you know?¡± ¡°Ugh,¡± Ziggy let out a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes. ¡°You just don¡¯t get it, and you¡¯ll never understand. Don¡¯t you have old man stuff to do? Corporate sellout paperwork or something in the back?¡± ¡°Tell ya what,¡± Mr. Gary this time ignored Ziggy, opening up a plexiglass display case and tossing a small container over to Elena. ¡°For you; on the house.¡± ¡°Oh, and now you¡¯re GIVING AWAY product?¡± Ziggy slapped both hands on the counter. ¡°Oh, so yeah it¡¯s fine when you do it, but the second I even want to discount a¡ª¡± ¡°Ziggy, stuff it¡ªit¡¯s my store, I do what I want,¡± Mr. Gary shot back. ¡°Besides, it¡¯s more like an investment. If she ends up liking it, she¡¯ll want stuff to go with the new look, right? Pretty young girl decks herself out in Hot Topic merchandise, then she¡¯s a walking billboard for us to all her friends and admirers. Opens up a whole new market.¡± ¡°Whatever,¡± Ziggy growled with obvious distaste. ¡°You¡¯re not even my real dad. You disgust me.¡± ¡°Go take your smoke break, get outta here,¡± Mr. Gary waved the employee off and turned back towards Elena. ¡°You go to school here in Sandboro? West Martin?¡± ¡°Um. Springton,¡± Elena mumbled as she turned the little tub she¡¯d been gifted over in her hands¡ªit read Manic Panic, and purported itself to be semi-permanent black hair dye. Dying her blonde hair black seemed¡­ great, like it would present a whole different Elena in the mirror. Exactly what she needed. She¡¯d never thought of herself drawn to the subculture until this moment, but now the pull felt strong. Carrie and so many of the Springton High girls continued to wrap themselves in the preppie pop princess aesthetic anyways, adding appeal to the urge to redefine herself from blonde to black. Maybe¡­ this is what I need?
¡°I¡¯m going to dye my hair,¡± Elena announced, taking the small tub of Manic Panic she¡¯d been hiding and planting it on the dinner table. ¡°Elena¡­¡± Mr. Seelbaugh gave the hair dye a dismissive glance and then shot his daughter an incredulous look. ¡°No. No, absolutely not. You¡¯re not dying your hair.¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh pursed her lips into a frown, staring at the Manic Panic as if she¡¯d been afraid it¡ªor something like it¡ªwould make an appearance soon. ¡°I¡¯m either dying my hair black... or I¡¯m cutting it all off,¡± Elena revealed her ultimatum, taking the pair of scissors she¡¯d nervously balanced across her lap and putting it on the table next to the tub of dye. The effect it had on her parents wasn¡¯t dramatic like she¡¯d hoped. Instead, her Dad seemed disappointed, and was shooting his wife a look of consternation. He didn¡¯t seem to be taking her seriously, and that immediately put Elena on edge. If he made any sort of eye roll or joke or funny remark right now, she would be very, very upset. ¡°What, have we been spoiling her too much?¡± Mr. Seelbaugh barked out a stiff laugh. ¡°Does she think that¡ª¡± ¡°Mister Seelbaugh¡ªI¡¯d like to speak to my client in privacy for a moment, please,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh interrupted, folding her hands in front of her on the table. It was an old family inside-joke, delivered now with little humor. Mr. Seelbaugh looked exasperated as he rose up out of his seat, and sent Elena a look that suggested he wasn¡¯t going to budge on the topic of her appearance. The mother and daughter sat in silence for a few long, tense moments after he¡¯d left the room. ¡°Talk to me,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh murmured. ¡°What¡¯s going on, Elena?¡± ¡°I¡­ want to dye my hair,¡± Elena said. ¡°Black.¡± ¡°Black. That¡¯s a big change,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh pointed out, gently taking the tub of hair dye so that she could examine its label. ¡°I want a big change,¡± Elena said. ¡°I need a big change.¡± Elena watched her mother read and reread the instructions on the semi-permanent hair dye in silence for several long minutes, fighting the urge to fidget or speak up again. ¡°Are you going to need a new wardrobe?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh asked. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Elena replied with a small shrug. ¡°I guess eventually. Not, like, right away or anything. I just¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯ll help you dye your hair,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh decided. ¡°But. No tattoos, no cigarettes, no marijuana. Whatsoever. You¡¯re still going with us to church every week. If you want piercings, or, or things like that, you need to discuss it with me first.¡± ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t do drugs,¡± Elena blurted out. ¡°At all. Ever. Not interested.¡± ¡°Alcohol?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh challenged. ¡°Only with you,¡± Elena said. ¡°Whenever we have glasses of wine.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh seemed to relax slightly and let out a slow breath. ¡°Okay, good. No drugs of any kind, no needles. I want to know who you hang out with from now on, especially if any of them are drinking, or smoking, or anything like that. No pills. No huffing paint, or sniffing glue or any of that sort of stuff to get stoned or get high. Still no swearing. No wearing clown makeup.¡± ¡°Clown makeup?¡± Elena¡¯s eyebrows rose in disbelief. ¡°Mom¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t make this stuff up!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh held up her hands in defense. ¡°Melissa¡¯s son David, he¡¯s all into the Insane Clown Posse or PCP or whatever it is with the clown makeup. Marijuana, too, he always smells like shit.¡± ¡°Mom, I just¡­¡± Elena¡¯s shoulders slumped. ¡°I¡¯m not turning into a bad kid or whatever. I just, I never. I¡¯ve never hated myself before. And, it hurts. I can¡¯t keep being the same Elena. It makes me feel sick. I want to change. The guy at the Hot Topic gave this to me for free, and said I should try listening to different kinds of music. I am, I¡¯m going to try that.¡± ¡°Oh. Oh, Honey¡­¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s eyes watered. ¡°What happened with Tabitha, the Halloween party¡ªnone of that was your fault. You know that. We¡¯ve talked about this. We¡¯ve talked and talked about this. Nothing that happened there¡ª¡± ¡°Okay. Okay,¡± Elena snapped out. ¡°I do know that. I know that. But what I feel is that it was my fault. And what I feel hasn¡¯t changed¡ªisn¡¯t going to change. And it makes me hate me, makes me feel sick. Okay?¡± Elena had been bracing herself for serious resistance from her parents, had worked out arguments and counter-arguments along with her ultimatum well in advance. What she hadn¡¯t prepared herself for, however, was her mother bursting into tears across from her at the dinner table. ¡°Mom¡­¡± Elena began. ¡°Honey?¡± Mr. Seelbaugh hurried back over into the room at the sound of his wife crying. ¡°What in the¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, piss off!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh sniffled, wiping her face on her sleeve. ¡°I¡¯m going to help dye Elena¡¯s hair, because she¡¯s got to reinvent herself! After that, her and I are going shopping. Shopping for everything. If I hear even one word out of you, questioning any of her choices about any of it, then I¡¯m dying my goddamned hair black with her! Okay?!¡± ¡°Yeah, I, uh¡ªno, everything¡¯s fine,¡± Mr. Seelbaugh carefully backed out of the room. ¡°I just¡ªI¡¯ll just¡ª¡± ¡°Piss off!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh sobbed. ¡°Just¡ªgo piss off!¡±
¡°How¡¯re ya feelin¡¯ today, Sweetheart?¡± Mr. Moore asked, glancing over the moment Tabitha woke up. ¡°Better,¡± Tabitha said, trying to sit up. ¡°Much better.¡± ¡°Whoa whoa whoa,¡± Mr. Moore leapt to his feet in alarm and hurried to gently press her back down onto her pillow. ¡°Not so fast, you needta be takin¡¯ it easy still.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha relented, letting her father carefully tuck her back in. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Nothin¡¯ to be sorry for,¡± Mr. Moore reassured her. ¡°I know you¡¯re gettin¡¯ antsy. Just a few more weeks, they said.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Really want to be out of here before my birthday.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll see, Sweetie,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°You just focus on getting better.¡± ¡°Too much time to think, not enough time to do,¡± Tabitha gave him a wry smile. ¡°Trying to be patient.¡± ¡°Well, you are a patient right now, so¡ªgood,¡± Mr. Moore wise-cracked. ¡°You¡¯ve thought about what you want to do once you''re out and about?¡± ¡°Ice cream,¡± Tabitha answered without hesitation. ¡°I want to go out with you and Mom into Louisville somewhere and have ice cream.¡± ¡°Ice cream?¡± Mr. Moore said in mock-surprise. ¡°What ever happened to your vegan or vegetarian nutritional diet or whatever?¡± ¡°Vegan¡ª?!¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°Dad. We had chicken all the time.¡± ¡°Chicken¡¯s not vegan?¡± Mr. Moore¡¯s cocked an eyebrow in surprise, but she couldn¡¯t tell if he was kidding or not. ¡°You might be thinking pescetarians¡ªthey can include fish in their diet, but not other meat,¡± Tabitha laughed, trying to twist and stretch her limbs. ¡°Presybterians, okay. I¡¯ll remember that,¡± Mr. Moore chuckled. ¡°So which one of ¡®ems are the ones who eat chicken but are still eating healthy?¡± ¡°Us, I guess. Poor people?¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Frozen chicken breast is really cheap, pound for pound.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­ we¡¯re not poor,¡± Mr. Moore said after a long, difficult moment of silence. ¡°Or, well, you¡¯re not poor. There¡¯s a fair few cash settlements coming our way in a bit, we¡¯re gonna get a college fund set up for you.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± Tabitha blurted out, struggling to sit up all over again. ¡°Please¡ªdon¡¯t. Dad, I¡¯m not going to college.¡± ¡°You need to get yourself a good education,¡± Mr. Moore refused firmly, pressing her shoulder back down onto the hospital bed. ¡°We want you to¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m being one hundred percent, deadly serious¡ªI¡¯m not going to college,¡± Tabitha insisted, clamping her good hand around his wrist. ¡°Listen to me, please. I¡¯m not going. Please please please, don¡¯t do anything rash like put any of the settlements into a college fund.¡± ¡°Honey, you don¡¯t underst¡ª¡± Her father sighed. ¡°Why don¡¯t we wait and talk about it again when you¡¯re feeling better?¡± ¡°No, I do understand,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I know more about rising tuition costs than anyone alive, I know what I need to learn to do what I want to do, and putting all that money and more importantly time into a degree won¡¯t help me at all. It will, in fact, significantly hurt my future. Please please please, trust me on this?¡± ¡°Honey¡­¡± Mr. Moore frowned. ¡°What brought all this about? Thought for sure you¡¯d be all on board with the college and university thing.¡± ¡°I appreciate your thoughts,¡± Tabitha gave his wrist a squeeze. ¡°But, I¡¯d like it even more if we maintained a dialogue and regularly communicated about anything and everything pertaining to my future.¡± ¡°There it is. There you go again,¡± Mr. Moore booped her on the nose. ¡°Your Momma told me to watch out for you to start talkin¡¯ like that again.¡± ¡°Daaaad,¡± Tabitha growled, swiping at his finger and missing. ¡°I¡¯m so serious¡ªdon¡¯t put the settlements into a fund, and don¡¯t put them into a savings account. We¡¯re going to need all that money. And soon.¡±
¡°Oh my God¡ªElena?!¡± Alicia mouthed in surprise. ¡°You dyed your hair?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena admitted, looking back at her with an unreadable blank expression. It was probably the most words they''d exchanged at once since Halloween. With no small amount of trepidation, Alicia awkwardly approached her former friend, who she''d spotted sitting way off by herself away from all of the other students disembarking from their busses and milling about the common areas before first bell. Alicia''s recent epiphanies regarding her personal Tabitha situation had her feeling more nervous, self-conscious, and guilty to be around Elena than she''d ever been before¡ªshe still remembered what Elena had said back then, about not caring much for gays. ¡°Well¡­ can I see?¡± Alicia gestured impatiently at the hood of the dark Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie her friend had apparently started wearing. ¡°What brought this on?¡± With uncharacteristically stiff body language, Elena drew back the hood and stared at the ground, allowing her friend to inspect her new look.Self-conscious? Since when is ELENA ever self-conscious? ¡°Elena?¡± Alicia repeated. ¡°What brought this on?¡± ¡°It¡¯s...¡± Elena muttered, glancing up for a moment before casting her gaze downwards again. ¡°You know.¡± ¡°Because of what happened?¡± Alicia asked. Elena responded only with a mute nod, and the now raven-haired teen hurried to put the hood of her sweatshirt back up. ¡°It looks good,¡± Alicia said, trying to sound supportive. In all honesty, it did look great on Elena, but Alicia couldn¡¯t help but find it completely unsettling. The sudden change in style seemed too abrupt, and Alicia couldn¡¯t help but feel a little hurt by the apparent distance appearing between them. Did¡­ our little JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS thing break up? Alicia wondered to herself with a sinking feeling. She like, just completely changed character. Melody Valentine suddenly switches to being Sabrina the teenage Witch out of nowhere. Okay, not OUT OF NOWHERE, I guess. Just. I mean, I don¡¯t HATE IT, I just wish¡­ I¡¯d been in the know? I guess we haven¡¯t really been talking much at all since¡­ ¡°Um,¡± Alicia tried not to fidget. ¡°We¡¯re still friends... right?¡± Elena shrugged, and Alicia learned for the first time that such a nonchalant expression can harm someone just as much, or more, than biting words or glares of hatred. ¡°Uh,¡± Alicia felt stunned enough to rock back on her heels. ¡°Okay. That hurts.¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Elena looked conflicted. ¡°I mean. Why would you want to be friends with me?¡± ¡°Oh, okay¡ªso you¡¯re just being stupid,¡± Alicia retorted with a scowl, lunging in to wrap Elena up in a hug. ¡°Fuck. Not cool, ¡®Lena. Don¡¯t ever do that to me. We are friends. Okay?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena sniffled. ¡°No, not ¡®okay,¡¯¡ªgeez, what is it with you two?¡± Alicia squeezed Elena as hard as she could. ¡°No ¡®thank you¡¯ or ¡®okay.¡¯ You say, ¡®yeah, we¡¯re friends.¡¯ That¡¯s how this works. Duh.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Elena squeaked out in a tiny voice, finally returning her hug. ¡°I¡¯ve been a shitty friend.¡± ¡°Shut the fuck up,¡± Alicia felt herself start to smile. ¡°No, you haven¡¯t. I¡¯ve been a shitty friend. Things have been bad, and. I was just a little¡ªI didn''t know if. I was, you know, surprised. Almost didn¡¯t recognize you now that you¡¯ve gone all Lydia Deetz on me. I do still look for you every morning, you know¡­ I just. Thought you needed some space. You closed up.¡± ¡°Lydia Deetz?¡± Elena asked. ¡°From Beetlejuice. You know,¡± Alicia released her friend and leaned back to take a closer look at Elena¡¯s features. ¡°Lydia Deetz. ¡®My whole life is a darkroom. One big. Dark. Room.¡¯ Actually¡ªwhy aren¡¯t you wearing any makeup?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°Tried a little. Didn¡¯t like it.¡± ¡°Can I give you some eyeliner?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Just wanna try and see how it looks. Promise I¡¯ll be fast, we have like, five, six-ish minutes before first bell?¡± ¡°I guess,¡± Elena said. ¡°Whatever.¡± ¡°Are you gonna be alright?¡± Alicia wondered out loud. ¡°Ugh, stupid question. I mean; you¡¯re on this whole different¡­ everything, now. Whole different dynamic. Tabby gets us into crazy hijinks, I¡¯m supposed to be the snarky artistic weirdo girl. You were gonna be the one with social savvy I guess, who like, could talk to people and had that in with the popular crowd. Now, you have this sudden goth makeover.¡± ¡°What would¡ª¡± Elena frowned, making a frustrated face at Alicia for a moment before turning her eyes back towards the ground. ¡°What would you do if your art hurt someone? Really hurt someone, someone that you care about? How would you react then?¡± ¡°Your having... social savvy or whatever isn¡¯t what got Tabitha hurt,¡± Alicia refuted in a firm voice. ¡°Elena¡ª¡± ¡°I made her go,¡± Elena gave another of her expressive shrugs. ¡°She didn¡¯t want to. I made her go. She shouldn¡¯t have been there at all. It¡¯s my fault.¡± ¡°No. No. No,¡± Alicia shook her head, unapologetically beginning to rummage through Elena¡¯s backpack. ¡°Stuff was going on. Things. Between Tabitha and Erica. It¡¯s complicated and Tabitha has a big secret that makes it all weird and I think I probably need to talk to you about my own stupid secret that makes it all even more fucked up and where even is your little makeup bag thingie? Elena did you even bring it today?!¡± ¡°Big secret?¡± Elena asked, staring at Alicia. ¡°Sorry. Outside pocket. New makeup case.¡± ¡°Your stuff¡¯s all gonna get smashed if you leave it in the outside pock¡ªoh, it¡¯s in a little tin, now. This is cool, I like this one. All the little skulls¡ªawesome. Hot Topic?¡± ¡°Alicia,¡± Elena warned in a grave voice. ¡°...what secret?¡± 28: Explaining everything to Elena. Elena didn¡¯t know what to think when Mrs. Seelbaugh dropped off her and Alicia at Springton General Hospital to visit with Tabitha for a few hours. There wasn¡¯t any secret Elena could think of that would justify what had happened, nothing that could absolve Elena of her own wrongdoing. But, against her better judgement, she hadn¡¯t pressed the subject, instead allowing Alicia to defer the explanation to Tabitha. ¡°Sorry! I can¡¯t say any more¡ªI really can¡¯t,¡± Alicia had said, holding up her hands in a helpless gesture. ¡°Not my secret to spill. I¡¯m sorry. We DEFINITELY do need to talk with her about this real soon, though. Maybe your mom can take us after school today?¡± So Elena stalked after Alicia down the bright hallway of the hospital ward dressed in her new black attire. She didn¡¯t walk anymore; she stalked. Simply walking was old Elena. She wasn¡¯t quite sure yet how everything she did was redefining her, but it was helpful discovering and exploring the new outlook. People looked at her differently, an entirely different person was reflected in their eyes as they glanced at her. Even if it was just curiosity, even if they were just bored receptionists at Springton General, or the people idling about in the waiting room. What Elena wore and how she looked was making a statement about who she was. She just needed to figure out what exactly that meant. ¡°Do you think she¡¯s gonna freak when she sees you?¡± Alicia asked, giving Elena a look of excitement as they closed in on Tabitha¡¯s room. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Elena tried to keep her voice in a neutral tone. ¡°If she does, she does.¡± Tabitha had still been groggy and delirious the last time they¡¯d visited, so Elena couldn¡¯t help but fill with unbridled terror at the thought of confronting her now for real. Her mind was made up, however, and even if Tabitha held nothing but hatred for her now, it was her responsibility to bear it. However she reacts¡ªI need to face it, Elena took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. I¡¯m just as responsible for putting her in here as Erica Taylor. I was the one who put her at risk. I¡ª ¡°Knock, knock,¡± Alicia called, rapping her knuckle on the already open door of Tabitha¡¯s room and then leading Elena inside. ¡°You still alive and kickin¡¯ in here, Tabs?¡± ¡°Oh! Hi, you guys! I wasn¡¯t expecting any¡ªuhhh, Elena?!¡± Tabitha exclaimed. Against all expectations, Tabitha completely lit up into a brilliant smile upon seeing them, possibly the happiest and most exuberant expression Elena remembered seeing on the girl ever. Elena had braced herself for any level of condemnation, she¡¯d prepared herself to be berated or even screamed at, she¡¯d readied her emotions to see raw hurt and anger written all over Tabitha¡¯s face. What she¡¯d failed to do was prepare herself for an eventuality where Tabitha was thrilled to see her, and Elena drew a total blank on what to do. ¡°Oh my God, Elena!¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes seemed to dance as she admired Elena¡¯s new look. ¡°You look amazing! When did you do all this?! I thought the whole emo thing was¡ªum, well I wasn¡¯t expecting to see anything like this so soon!¡± ¡°Right?!¡± Alicia smirked, shooting Elena a patent I told you so look. ¡°You¡¯re lookin¡¯ pretty great yourself, Tabs. I see they already took away your snake-charmer turban!¡± ¡°Oh my gosh,¡± Tabitha grinned, raising a hand to the remaining headband of bandage that wrapped around her head in a self-conscious way. ¡°Can¡¯t believe you all saw me when my head was all wrapped up like that¡ªso embarrassing!¡± ¡°If you think that was embarrassing, you should¡¯ve heard yourself trying to babble out nonsense when they had you all doped up,¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°I like you better this way, though. I¡¯m¡­ Tabitha I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re doing better.¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡ªit was a pretty close call, I think, hah,¡± Tabitha let out a nervous laugh. ¡°Um. I didn¡¯t¡­ totally ruin the Halloween party, did I?¡± ¡°You¡­ what?¡± Elena blinked, totally dumbfounded. ¡°No, no you didn¡¯t ruin it, Tabitha¡ªTabitha, no one cares about the party! You almost died.¡± ¡°I did die!¡± Tabitha said in a chipper voice, twisting on the hospital bed and leaning over to grab a framed certificate from the nearby end table. ¡°Sorta. I won a certificate and everything. Legally dead, hah ha. Mrs. Williams and my Mom hate it, but Hannah thinks it¡¯s really cool.¡± ¡°Oh wow,¡± Alicia mouthed, accepting the frame from Tabitha. ¡°This is awesome. They¡¯ll really let you keep this? Don¡¯t they have to, like, invalidate it, or shred it or something?¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯ll be valid someday,¡± Tabitha chuckled, giving her friends a cheeky smile. ¡°They¡¯ll just have to adjust the date, ¡®cause it¡¯s not gonna be soon. I¡¯ve got way too much to do!¡± The growing dissonance between Elena¡¯s expectations for this meeting and the current playful mood was a chasm yawning wide that all of her lines of thought were dropping down into. She couldn¡¯t help but stare in disbelief at the completely nonchalant way Tabitha was brushing off everything that had happened. It was frustrating, the situation was making her feel increasingly uncomfortable, and the now raven-haired teenager felt so jarringly out of place that she had no idea what to do. ¡°Elena?¡± Tabitha¡¯s bright expression began to falter. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Elena repeated, feeling stupid. ¡°Tabitha. I¡ªI almost got you fucking killed.¡± ¡°What?¡± Tabitha looked utterly perplexed by the assertion. ¡°How? What?¡± ¡°She thinks it¡¯s her fault that all that happened,¡± Alicia carefully mediated. ¡°For like, convincing you to go to the party.¡± ¡°I made her go,¡± Elena corrected. ¡°She didn¡¯t even want to. I made her. I¡ª¡± ¡°No, no¡ªElena,¡± Tabitha put on an exasperated smile. ¡°You were completely right about the party, I had a lot of fun!¡± ¡°What,¡± Elena uttered. ¡°I mean, not counting what happened with Erica, obviously,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes. ¡°The rest of it, the dressing up and going with you guys, just, being there, it was great. I loved it.¡± ¡°What,¡± Elena said again. To her credit, Alicia didn¡¯t make any comment, but the I told you so look that reappeared spoke volumes. Elena looked from Tabitha to Alicia and back again, but the discomforting sense of alienation just intensified. No one blamed her, no one at all. But, how was that possible? How were the feelings of guilt and grief that felt so true and real supposed to be invalidated? She opened her mouth to say something, but she had no idea what to say. ¡°It¡­ it was my fault,¡± Elena finally insisted, shaking her head. ¡°What happened was my fault. You were at risk. You shouldn¡¯t have even been there.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha refused her claims without pause. ¡°No, it wasn¡¯t your fault. If Erica didn¡¯t find me at the party, she would¡¯ve just found me at home, or out alone on one of my walks, or something. Can you imagine how bad it would¡¯ve been if she attacked me when hardly anyone else was around?¡± ¡°No, I¡ªno,¡± Elena argued. ¡°You can¡¯t know that. She¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªyou need to tell her,¡± Alicia said, giving the redhead a meaningful look. ¡°Your big secret. I¡¯ve already been through this with her, and like, nothing gets through at all. This whole thing is really messing her up.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha squeaked, her expression turning apprehensive. ¡°Has she¡­ guessed anything?¡± ¡°No, not really, but¡ªI mean, just look at her!¡± Alicia gestured dramatically at Elena¡¯s new fashion choices. ¡°This is like, affecting her!¡± What secret can she even have? Elena frowned, watching Tabitha carefully. Was she... actually stealing stuff from the Taylors? That doesn¡¯t seem like it fits her, like it fits what Tabitha would do at all. ¡°I... thought that we were going to be careful about this?¡± Tabitha protested in a weak voice. ¡°Yeah, well we were gonna¡ªyou were gonna have to tell her eventually anyways!¡± Alicia countered. ¡°Better sooner rather than later, right? The longer you let the lie go on¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªI haven¡¯t lied about anything,¡± Tabitha interrupted. ¡°Not exactly. I just¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªOh, come on,¡± Alicia retorted. ¡°You know what I¡¯m¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªI just haven¡¯t been open about certain unbelievable things that would necessitate lengthy explanations,¡± Tabitha finished with difficulty. ¡°We need to tell her,¡± Alicia insisted firmly. ¡°This is hurting her, and she needs to know. What happened at the party¡ªthat absolutely wasn¡¯t Elena¡¯s fault, right?¡± ¡°Of course it wasn¡¯t Elena¡¯s fault,¡± Tabitha said, turning her gaze from Alicia to Elena. ¡°Elena, you¡ª¡± ¡°It was. I made you go,¡± Elena said with a difficult shrug. ¡°You didn¡¯t want to. I practically made you. Talked you into it, all because¡ª¡± ¡°See?¡± Alicia waved her hands. ¡°She thinks it was her fault. But, it wasn¡¯t, right?¡± ¡°Elena,¡± Tabitha started to say. ¡°What happened wasn¡¯t your¡ª ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± Elena warned, shaking her head. ¡°Don¡¯t. Just¡­ don¡¯t. I¡¯ve heard it. I¡¯ve heard everybody tell me that.¡± ¡°Yeah, maybe ¡®cause it wasn¡¯t your¡ª¡± Alicia started. ¡°I can make up my own mind,¡± Elena replied, crossing her arms and trying not to choke up. ¡°On whether or not I deserve blame. For what I did. I convinced Tabitha to go, when she shouldn¡¯t have been there. Mostly for selfish reasons. Okay? I was trying to, like, build us up as this thing. As part of¡ªas this little group, taking advantage of Tabitha¡¯s momentum. And then, when she withdrew from school¡ªI didn¡¯t know what to do. I was desperate for¡­ leverage. Needed to feel in control of the social situation. It was selfish. Selfish, stupid games. Tabitha didn¡¯t need to go to that party, I needed Tabitha to go to that party.¡± ¡°Elena¡ª¡± Tabitha tried. ¡°¡ªAnd you know what?¡± Elena bit out as tears formed in her eyes. ¡°It didn¡¯t even matter. It didn¡¯t even matter! Matthew was already with Casey. For a long while, maybe, I just, I didn¡¯t want to see or, or didn¡¯t care, or didn¡¯t want to notice. The school situation is¡ªit¡¯s fucking stupid and trivial and even thinking about it now makes me feel sick. Us going there, us being there to make a point, it wasn¡¯t going to do anything¡ªnothing was going to change with us being there. It would have been fine, you would have been safe, if, if¡ª¡± ¡°Elena, stop,¡± Tabitha held out her good hand. ¡°Come here.¡± ¡°No, I¡ªno,¡± Withdrawing a step, Elena shook her head in refusal, hugging her arms closer to herself and beginning to cry. ¡°Elena, come here,¡± Tabitha repeated, gesturing again. ¡°I¡¯m not supposed to get up. But I will, if you make me.¡± ¡°No,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°No, no, Tabitha, Tabitha I¡¯m¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon,¡± Alicia stepped forward, taking Elena by the arm and trying to force the unbudging girl over towards Tabitha¡¯s hospital bed. ¡°Both of you¡ªTabitha, you need to tell her.¡± ¡°You blame me, too, Tabitha!¡± Elena stammered, trying to pull her arm out of Alicia¡¯s grasp. ¡°Tabitha, you asked me which Elena are you, when we came in last time. When, when you were, you were delirious from your painkillers or whatever. I said to everyone, I told them I couldn¡¯t make out what you were saying. But, I heard. You asked me, which Elena are you? That¡¯s when I knew¡ª¡± ¡°Alicia... let go of her,¡± Tabitha sighed, slowly settling herself back on the bed. ¡°They¡¯ll flip out if they catch you two rough-housing in here. Pull up the chairs closer, please, and we¡¯ll¡ªwe all need to talk.¡± ¡°There¡¯s nothing to talk about,¡± Elena said in a bitter voice as Alicia hurried to rearrange the chairs in the small room. ¡°I know what¡ª¡± ¡°If you were ever my friend, Elena, you¡¯ll at least listen to what I have to say,¡± Tabitha decided. ¡°I won¡¯t ask you to believe me. I just¡ªplease, will you listen?¡± ¡°Was I ever really your friend?¡± Elena challenged. ¡°What does anything I¡¯ve ever even¡ª¡± ¡°Yes, Elena, you are my friend,¡± Tabitha reached over to pat the armrest of the first chair as Alicia placed it beside the head of her bed. ¡°Now, come here. Sit.¡± Feeling ashamed and furious at herself and unsettled all at once, Elena reluctantly stepped over to the offered chair and slowly¡ªuneasily¡ªsat down. ¡°Elena¡­ I¡¯ve already lived out a different life, one that went past 1998,¡± Tabitha revealed in a slow voice. ¡°She¡¯s from the future!¡± Alicia blurted out, scooting the other chair up closer to them. ¡°I¡¯m from... a future,¡± Tabitha corrected. ¡°A different future. This time through is significantly different, because of things I¡¯ve tried to change.¡± ¡°She¡¯s from the future!¡± Alicia said again. ¡°Like, she¡¯s for real from the future. She knows things that nobody else could ever, ever know. She knew about the shooting, she¡ª¡± ¡°Alicia, whoa,¡± Tabitha chided her friend, holding up a hand. ¡°Not all at once, let¡¯s let her process this bit by bit¡ªit¡¯s a lot to take in.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Alicia said with a sheepish smile. ¡°It¡¯s true, though. She¡¯s from the future.¡± ¡°You¡¯re... from the future,¡± Elena echoed in a flat voice, staring at Tabitha. ¡°I¡¯m from the future,¡± Tabitha nodded, wearing an unsure smile as she attempted to gauge Elena¡¯s reaction. In all honesty, Elena felt no reaction at all. She registered the words her two friends were saying, but all the same they didn¡¯t seem to parse at all. The meaning behind what they were trying to convey just wasn¡¯t processing, and Elena didn¡¯t find herself to be particularly in the mood to puzzle out what they were actually trying to tell her. Instead, she simply stared at Tabitha, waiting for the girl to explain herself. ¡°Okay, here goes¡­¡± Tabitha took a deep breath and began to recount her story. ¡°In my first life, I was Tubby Tabby. I was an overweight little... trailer trash girl, who grew up in a very low income neighborhood. After some circumstances with the older sisters of a friend of mine¡ªthe Taylors¡ªand then some comparatively minor bullying incidents, I developed this rather crippling case of social anxiety. Kept to myself throughout school, my hobbies were just, like, watching TV and reading. Staying home. I didn¡¯t have friends. I didn¡¯t have either of you. ¡°Enrolled in the community college in Elizabethtown, eventually later transferred to Northern Kentucky University. My college years were all¡­ still a mess. I was fat. Hated myself. Really struggled to interact with people. The major I was pursuing, secondary education English¡ªat first I thought I wanted to be a teacher, but it¡ªit.. well, it wasn¡¯t for me. The more I learned, just¡­ the more I realized it wasn¡¯t for me. ¡°My actual social development basically started throughout that time period, during my last years at Springton High and my first years at college. At least, if you could even call it development; I spent my time online. Livejournal. Fanfiction dot net. Gaia online, even. Dozens of little proboards forums, geocities webrings, messenger friends, mIRC¡ª¡± ¡°Wait wait wait,¡± Alicia scrabbled to retrieve her sketchpad and pencil. ¡°Lemme write these down.¡± ¡°Please don¡¯t,¡± Tabitha looked mildly alarmed. ¡°Please don¡¯t, I¡ªlisten, I¡¯m not proud of my history there. I was going through a difficult time, and there were a lot of internet communities for¡­ those of us who were also going through difficult times.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound bad or anything,¡± Alicia tried to reassure her as she began writing furiously. ¡°These are website addresses? Live journal, fan fiction something, and guy online? My Dad pays for a web service, so¡ª¡± ¡°You don¡¯t¡ª¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°Well. You¡¯ll understand when we all get there. It was bad, it was this total cringeworthy¡­ I can¡¯t explain. I won¡¯t explain. All my posts are gone like they never existed now, so I can safely pretend my dark past there just never ever was.¡± ¡°...Go on,¡± Elena prompted. ¡°Yeah, anyways,¡± Tabitha said with reluctance. ¡°At some point, I thought I could be the next Rowling or Meyer, become the next big thing writing young adult fiction. Gave up on teaching and finished school with just my English major. Tried to write my Goblin Princess trilogy, got through the first two books with this Canadian publisher before all of that fell through. Was deep, deep in debt from school, because I wasn¡¯t on scholarship, and also hadn¡¯t been working. ¡°So, after Northern Kentucky U, I just came back home and got a job at the Safety Plant. The one in Fairfield. Worked there for¡­ years and years. Tried dating, because I was terrified of winding up alone, and, um. Well, dating was worse than being alone. I wasn¡¯t comfortable being in my own body, let alone uh. Sharing intimacy with another person. Let alone the kind of person who¡ªuh, okay yeah I¡¯m actually not ready to get back into all of that right now. ¡°Time went on. I got older, fatter, and more miserable. Just like my¡ªwell, uh. Moved out of the trailer when things got bad between my mother and I, and¡­ um, she died not long after. We weren¡¯t on horrible terms or anything when it happened, things had just been¡­ difficult between us. She saw too much of herself in me, or¡­ I don¡¯t know. Complicated. Really complicated now, with some of this new perspective. Uh, anyways. My dad died¡ªcancer, brain tumor. My one close writer friend died¡ªsuicide, actually. Started working at the Springton Town Hall when I got older¡ªwell, I was just old, really. ¡°I was sixty years old, and I¡¯d been having these persistent migraines¡ªconcerning, after what happened to Dad¡ªand all Springton did was keep freaking prescribing different medications at the problem. When I eventually put my foot down, because I¡¯m starting to miss work because of these headaches, they send me to Louisville for a more thorough check. I get into this big custom MRI machine¡­ and something happens. It sends my mind back in time, where I¡¯m in the same machine, but just a little girl getting her concussion looked at. The concussion from being pushed off of that trampoline, all the way back in middle school. Here in 1998.¡± ¡°So, the MRI¡¯s really a time machine!¡± Alicia gaped at the reveal. ¡°Tabitha¡ªoh my God!¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°It sent my mind back, at least. I¡¯m not sure how useful that is, though¡ªI think the caveat was that my past self had to have interacted with the machine here, in this time.¡± ¡°Wait, wait,¡± Alicia slapped her sketchpad on her knees. ¡°Have you like, investigated it or anything? What¡¯s special about that MRI, who made it? Has it sent anyone else back? If we get into that same machine here in 1998, isn¡¯t there a chance our future selves could, uh, bridge through into our bodies here?¡± ¡°Um¡­ it¡¯s possible,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I suppose. I thought about it a little bit, but I¡¯m not sure what would happen. The MRI would maybe have to do the crazy screeching scraping metal freaking out thing, I think. And then, you¡¯d¡­ wake up with your mind overwritten by future you? Maybe. I¡¯m not sure how it exactly works, and the apparent mechanics of it might be a matter of¡­ perspective?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­ how serious are you about all of this?¡± Elena asked, trying to be as tactful as possible. ¡°Very,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Completely. I do realize how crazy it sounds.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t believe it at first,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°But like, she will fucking convince you. Back when I met her in the first weeks of school, she was in the school library at lunch every day, reading up on treating emergency gunshot wounds and police response stuff. Then, out of the blue she knows right where to be to save Officer Macintire.¡± ¡°That was¡­ actually a fair amount of luck,¡± Tabitha let out a slow breath. ¡°I only remembered that it was after school early-ish October, so my plan was to be out there at that spot every day. And, I didn¡¯t save him, I just... managed to get it called in a little earlier and prevented some of the blood loss.¡± ¡°You saved him,¡± Alicia refuted. ¡°Literally. Like, he was supposed to die, and then because you intervened, he didn¡¯t. Right? That¡¯s literally you saving his life.¡± ¡°I mean¡­ I guess,¡± Tabitha said with an uneasy expression. ¡°He was supposed to die?¡± Elena asked. ¡°I can¡¯t speak for what was supposed to happen, but... he did die in my first lifetime,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I was watching TV and heard the gunshot, but I didn¡¯t go outside to see what happened, or anything. I heard he bled out in the ambulance on route to the hospital, and¡­ they couldn¡¯t resuscitate him. He passed away.¡± ¡°But, this time, he didn¡¯t,¡± Alicia said with excitement. ¡°Because, Tabs here was ready and waiting, right there when it was about to happen. She ran up and knew what to do right away, was shouting all the medical whatever to me to tell the dispatcher, the¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªI wasn¡¯t shouting at you¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªmake and model of the shooter¡¯s getaway car and everything,¡± Alicia continued. ¡°¡®Cause Tabitha knew it was gonna happen, and she¡¯d been holed up in the library every day researching the like, gunshot wound trauma and stuff. Like, I knew. Somehow, I knew that she knew about it in advance. It was just too convenient.¡± Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°Elena?¡± Tabitha prompted, apparently noticing Elena¡¯s terrible expression. ¡°Are you okay?¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m not,¡± Elena let out a bitter chuckle. ¡°I just¡ªI don¡¯t get it. It¡¯s not funny, and I don¡¯t like it. After how worried I¡¯ve been, and how much this whole thing with us has been tearing me apart¡ªI just. I don¡¯t get it. The people who I thought you were wouldn¡¯t do this to me. Did the both of you think it would be, what, funny? It¡¯s, it¡¯s not fucking funny, and if¡ª¡± ¡°Elena,¡± Tabitha¡¯s expression began to fall. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s true. We¡¯re not making this up, and it¡¯s not a joke. I really, honestly, truly did come back in time, from the year 2045.¡± ¡°Bullshit,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°I¡­ I honestly can¡¯t believe you¡¯d try to pull this on me right now. This bullshit.¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t try to pull anything on you,¡± Tabitha prompted with an encouraging smile. ¡°I think you know that. But, I don¡¯t blame you for being skeptical. Ask anything, please, and I¡¯ll answer as best as I can.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena scoffed, crossing her arms in front of herself. ¡°What do I invest in to become a billionaire?¡± ¡°Well, Alicia and I will be investing in Alphabet Incorporated,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°The initial public offering for their stock should be in either 2004 or 2005, at about a hundred dollars a share. I think.¡± ¡°Not oil? Or silver?¡± Elena pressed. ¡°Not electronic frontier stuff, like IBM or Microsoft?¡± ¡°Oil prices should spike up in the next year or two because of the war in Iraq,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Well, the next few years. 2002? But, Alphabet Inc¡¯s Google becomes one of the most successful internet services, and I¡¯m putting all of my money on it.¡± ¡°Google,¡± Elena repeated, trying out the word for size. ¡°It sounds¡­ just even the name sounds really dumb and made up, Tabitha. You could¡¯ve gone with, I dunno, Max Corporation, or MicroTech Enterprises¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªOmni-Corp, InGen,¡± Alicia threw in helpfully. ¡°Uhhh, Umbrella Corporation¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªbut instead, you go with Goo goo ga ga?¡± Elena ridiculed. ¡°Like, really? That¡¯s what you¡¯re going with? Someone in the future¡¯s gonna have a huge, successful company and it¡¯s gonna be called Googily Moogily?¡± ¡°You¡¯ll both get used to it,¡± Tabitha gave them both a helpless shrug. ¡°Google. Everyone and anyone uses it. It¡¯s so common it turns into its own common verb, becomes a facet of our culture.¡± ¡°Becomes its own verb?¡± Elena couldn¡¯t keep the doubt out of her voice. ¡°Google becomes a common verb, that everyone uses? Do you... realize how stupid that sounds?¡± ¡°So, like, I would Google Elena in the face? Or, something?¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°That¡¯s verbs, right¡ªaction words? I¡¯m so bad with English stuff.¡± ¡°If you were to Google Elena, it would mean you searched for her name online,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Google could present you with her information, photos of her, links to her profile or accounts on different major websites.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Elena sounded unconvinced. ¡°And, people are going to do that a lot, apparently?¡± Something about this conversation was starting to not feel right to Elena. As she carefully studied the frail-seeming redheaded teen that was sitting up in the hospital bed... Tabitha seemed a little too composed. Elena knew all about mentally preparing for a debate, covering her bases and readying herself for potential arguments her opponent might pose to her. Tabitha wasn¡¯t really the type. But, this girl also didn¡¯t seem to have grown tense or on the edge of becoming flustered by running into an inevitable question she wouldn¡¯t be able to answer. Instead, her friend seemed... serene and almost a little wistful, and the disparity between that and Elena¡¯s expectations almost lent a tiny sliver of credence to the absurdity of Tabitha¡¯s claims. But, it¡¯s impossible. It¡¯s a stupid, pointless FARCE to even consider it, and I don¡¯t understand why we¡¯re even¡­ ¡°Sometimes,¡± Tabitha answered with a small shrug. ¡°To Google something means to search for information on the internet, so it¡¯s more broad than just looking someone up. Google is where you¡¯d go if you had a question about anything¡ªor even if you don¡¯t know how to properly phrase what you want to ask, because it will have this autocomplete field. ¡°You would Google a recipe if you were interested in trying to make something new, you¡¯d Google the route to the airport and then your phone would verbally guide you to your destination, by comparing your current GPS location to online maps of the area. I used Google daily when I was writing, because it¡¯s basically a thesaurus, dictionary, and Wikipi¡ªuhm, encyclopedia all at once. Or, at least, it¡¯s connected to all of them.¡± ¡°Wait, Wikipeep, what¡¯s Wikipeep?¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°What were you about to say?¡± ¡°Err¡­ Wikipedia,¡± Tabitha said, making a face. ¡°Yes, I realize how silly that must sound now, too. The whole internet concept is¡­ a rabbit hole that really leads all the way down into wonderland. People search for what they¡¯re interested in. Movies, pictures, research, studying, celebrities, fashion, finance, current events, cultural trends, funny pictures of cats, videos to watch, and¡­ yeah, a whole lot of pornography.¡± ¡°Ooh la la!¡± Alicia waggled her eyebrows suggestively. ¡°Funny pictures of cats, you say? Go on. Tell us more.¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to actually have to try to explain what memes are,¡± Tabitha sagged back on the bed, covering her face with her good hand. ¡°Jesus. How do I even¡­?!¡± ¡°How much does Google cost to use?¡± Elena asked. ¡°For searchers? Nothing,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°But, by profiling both the individual searchers and the overall market trend, companies can make an obscene amount of money via ad revenue, targeted advertising and all that.¡± ¡°Commercials?¡± Alicia guessed. ¡°You¡¯re saying they basically run commercials?¡± ¡°Pop up ads,¡± Elena corrected. ¡°That¡¯s what they are on the internet. We have our own computer at home. I have my own email address, Tabitha, you¡¯re not going to be able to¡ª¡± ¡°Not¡­ exactly pop-ups,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°But, you¡¯re close. Pop-ups and spam emails were an early internet thing, they were too obnoxious to be effective for long. Malware blocking addons, intuitive spam filters. Google algorithms are a lot more subtle. Say a searcher has Googled information on baby care; maybe a young mother wants to know about¡­ teething tips, or when to wean them off baby food, or something like that. Google remembers their search, and from that point onwards the ads this searcher sees¡ªon Google itself or on any number of sites that use Google¡¯s advertising¡ªwill be all the cutest baby clothes, the hottest best-selling baby toys, or parenting books guaranteed to impact their child¡¯s development.¡± Okay, now she¡¯s even trying to double down on things by actually trying to use it as a verb and a noun¡­? Elena narrowed her eyes. Does she not somehow realize how stupid the Googly name sounds? ¡°Likewise, a guy searching for how to fix his engine problem would get ads related to his make and model of car, local auto services, cheap car parts, accessories, et cetera. A Star Wars fan Googling Star Wars stuff would get¡ªyou know, advertisements for toys and memorabilia, I guess. Google figures out what you¡¯re looking for, and then profits by presenting advertisements, articles, and whatnot based on what you¡¯ve clicked on in the past. They¡¯re very good at getting clicks. The whole clickbait culture gets frankly absurd after a while.¡± ¡°Clickbait. Culture,¡± Alicia spread her hands out in the air. ¡°It¡¯s crazy how she does this¡ªall of these sound like they could be totally real things, right? Once you get her going, she¡¯s completely full of this stuff. Like, I don¡¯t think she could keep making these up nonstop, Elena.¡± ¡°Okay then,¡± Elena sighed. ¡°What¡¯s ¡®clickbait culture,¡¯ exactly? ¡°That¡¯s¡­ oof,¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°It¡¯s a whole thing. Resorting to certain kinds of sensationalism to bait people into clicking on links. Headlines that promise to reveal something interesting¡ªlike, say, college professors HATE it when students use this one simple trick! Or, a purported list of fifteen student tricks that college professors HATE! ¡°Tricks, tips, secrets, life hacks, reveals, or even just framing a set of information as something that shocked other people, or made their jaws hit the floor. Media sites on the internet will resort to just about anything to get you clicking on their link and earning them their fractions of a penny in advertisement revenue. They¡¯ll lie and slander, frame opinion editorials as fact, extrapolate crazy stories from skewed, completely misleading, or downright fabricated statistics.¡± ¡°Okay, like tabloids, then,¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Like the Sun or the Enquirer you¡¯d see at a checkout line.¡± ¡°Yes! A lot like tabloids,¡± Tabitha nodded quickly. ¡°I¡¯d forgotten about them. Only, when in the privacy of their own home and at no apparent cost to them, people are a lot more likely to carelessly click on things like that. It¡¯s the same for porn¡ªthey might not go out of their way to buy it in real life, but when they have free and anonymous access to it through the internet¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s gross,¡± Alicia looked thoughtful. ¡°But, yeah, I¡¯d believe it.¡± ¡°Setting¡­ all of that aside,¡± Elena decided to return to their earlier subject. ¡°How much will this Google stock be worth in the future?¡± ¡°Twenty years should turn each hundred dollars we put into Alphabet Inc... into about three grand,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I know it keeps going up after that, but I¡¯m hazy on the amounts, because all of this was from some random article I remember reading at some point, and¡­ the value of a dollar becomes a whole lot more variable as time goes on.¡± ¡°A hundred bucks becomes three grand¡ªthree thousand dollars?¡± Alicia exclaimed. ¡°Tabitha¡ªholy fuck!¡± ¡°Over twenty years,¡± Tabitha cautioned. ¡°But, yes. It¡¯s not by any means the best investment, or even the highest payoff, probably. But, it¡¯s a good one, and it¡¯s the one I¡¯m absolutely sure of.¡± ¡°Then, you¡¯re set for life, basically,¡± Elena asserted. ¡°If you already know you¡¯re going to have this unlimited amount of money.¡± ¡°Not unlimited,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°You can¡¯t make money without first investing money, which I don¡¯t have yet right now. I think Google will be a popular stock, and I don¡¯t remember at all how many shares will be available, or how much their price will fluctuate early on. The cost of buying property is going to quadruple in the near future, both of you are likely going to face a steep rise in tuition costs, and there¡¯s an economic depression coming up with nine-eleven.¡± ¡°...Nine-eleven?¡± Elena repeated. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ a large-scale terrorist attack coming up soon,¡± Tabitha revealed with a grimace. ¡°The one with the airplanes, right,¡± Alicia remembered, turning to Elena. ¡°It¡¯s not Russia, either, this time.¡± ¡°Alicia,¡± Tabitha groaned. ¡°You¡¯re really not helping.¡± ¡°Sorry!¡± Alicia smiled. ¡°I¡¯m just excited. I¡¯ve¡ªwe¡¯ve both really missed hanging out with you, Tabs. Everything around you gets just absolutely crazy.¡± ¡°...Okay,¡± Elena said slowly. ¡°Tabitha. I think you should¡ªum, have you been keeping a notebook of these supposed major events that we¡¯ll be seeing? A diary? I feel like if you are actually trying to be serious about this, you need to sort out future events by their¡­ significance.¡± ¡°I thought it would be dangerous, so I wasn¡¯t really writing things down,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s still dangerous, kinda, but¡­ I almost died for good, there. I think it¡¯s important to have both of you know what I know, or at least as much as I can remember. Just in case¡­ something happens to me.¡± ¡°Yeah, or we could just make sure nothing happens to you?¡± Alicia scowled. ¡°I know it¡¯s like, the elephant in the room or whatever, but holy fuck, Tabitha. You almost died, it¡¯s a big fucking deal, and it affects all of us in a big way. Okay?¡± ¡°Right. That¡¯s¡­ that is right,¡± Tabitha looked down at her hands in a slightly guilty way. ¡°Sorry. None of this happened in my first life. I¡¯ve been¡­ kind of sticking my nose in some events this time, and getting¡­ unexpectedly severe reactions.¡± Absentmindedly letting her gaze travel from Tabitha¡¯s hands to the folds of the blanket that covered the girl¡¯s legs, Elena for the first time started to see how this whole claiming to be from the future thing Tabby was espousing connected to the events of the Halloween party. But why, literally WHY? Why make all of THIS up? Why run with this unbelievable and impossibly convoluted tall tale? If I don¡¯t buy it, there¡¯s no way any of the adults ever will. It doesn¡¯t make sense. None of it makes sense. ¡°Tabitha,¡± Elena looked up at her friend. ¡°Why exactly was Erica Taylor so out to get you?¡± ¡°Well,¡± Tabitha hesitated, appearing for the first time to be gathering her thoughts. ¡°Erica and Brittney Taylor have a younger sister, Ashlee. She should be our age. In fifth or sixth grade. She was¡­ she was like me, like I was. Kind of a social outcast. I was overweight and¡­ well, my clothes probably smelled like body odor and I had no clue how to interact with other people, they terrified me. Ashlee Taylor, on the other hand, was a very pretty young girl, except¡­ she had this mild case of amblyopia. I¡­ yeah, I think that¡¯s how you¡¯re supposed to refer to it.¡± ¡°Uhhh, pretend real quick that we have no idea what that means,¡± Alicia prompted after a glance towards Elena. ¡°Amblyopia is¡­ when one eye doesn¡¯t develop quite properly,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°One of Ashlee¡¯s eyes was¡ªonly very slightly¡ªmisaligned, but everyone treated her like she was¡ª¡± ¡°Ashlee, with the lazy eye,¡± Elena suddenly remembered. ¡°From Laurel Middle, I remember her. Wait, she was the Taylors¡¯ sister?¡± ¡°Okay, lazy eye,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªyeah, okay. This kid Norman in Fairfield had that, eyes that pointed in different directions. People were mean to him, always called him crazy eyes, they¡ª¡± ¡°Amblyopia,¡± Tabitha insisted firmly. ¡°Don¡¯t call it lazy eye, that¡¯s not¡­ listen¡ªI know we¡¯re in 1998 right now, but please just call it amblyopia. Please.¡± ¡°So¡ªwhat,¡± Elena couldn¡¯t help but cast a skeptical look at her friend. ¡°You¡¯re saying being politically correct about everything actually gets to be a thing in the future?¡± ¡°Short answer; yes,¡± Tabitha answered bluntly. ¡°Long answer¡­ that gets extremely complicated with how societal norms ended up progressing over time. I mean, Elena. Just put yourself in her shoes. Imagine growing up disadvantaged, growing up with people constantly saying cruel things about you, for something you have absolutely no control over. Imagine how often she gets reminded of being different from everyone else.¡± If Ashlee¡¯s sisters are actually Erica and Brittney Taylor, I imagine the reminders are constant, painful, and¡­ yeah, downright abusive, Elena thought, feeling a pang of guilt. I... wasn¡¯t exactly nice to her back then, either. ¡°Okay, so this Ashlee has Amblyphobia,¡± Alicia summed up. ¡°How exactly does that¡ª¡± ¡°Amblyopia,¡± Tabitha corrected. ¡°And, yeah. Anyways, Ashlee and I were friends. Friends, by virtue of the fact that no one else would ever be our friends. I kid you not, not only were we the last two picked whenever the class had to form teams in Laurel, but when the choices got down to the two of us, the teams stopped wanting to pick anyone.¡± ¡°Jesus,¡± Alicia snorted, quickly covering her mouth and immediately looking horrified. ¡°Oh, I¡ªsorry, I didn¡¯t mean it like that. It¡¯s actually not funny.¡± ¡°...It turned out the Taylors lived nearby to my trailer park,¡± Tabitha pressed on. ¡°We didn¡¯t ride the same bus, but they lived in the neighborhood just behind that Hardees near Sunset Estates, close enough for me to walk to. They were, um. This Taylor family was¡­ things were bad. I didn¡¯t realize it back then, but when I look back on it with the hindsight of living a fairly long life¡­ ¡°I think all three of the Taylor girls were living in fear. Ashlee, she got the worst of it because of her sisters. She, uh, she couldn¡¯t let herself be touched without flinching back and recoiling. I asked her one day if she was okay, she gets evasive, I was a dumb kid who didn¡¯t read social cues and kept asking about it, and... yeah, she finally pulled up her shirt and showed me. ¡°Bruises. Really bad bruises. Fresh ones atop old ones, some of them were so dark, and¡ªum. Never where it would show when she was wearing clothing, but¡ª yeah. She was being beaten. Maybe daily. I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t even know if the parents were, um, in on it or what, I just remember that she was terrified of Erica and Brittney.¡± ¡°Jesus¡­¡± Alicia murmured, sharing a concerned look with Elena. ¡°In my original timeline, we were playing on their trampoline when¡­ okay I¡¯m fuzzy on the specifics after all this time, but Erica and Brittney come out and start being mean, one of them ends up shoving me off the trampoline. Because, I think to them, pushing us around was okay to them, fair game because of who we were. What we were to them. Only, my fall¡¯s unexpectedly bad, severe head trauma and parents will have questions bad, so they panic and threaten us into silence about it. ¡°After forty-seven years, I don¡¯t remember a lot of those details so well,¡± Tabitha said in a small voice. ¡°What I do remember was that they promised to make life living hell for Ashlee, if I didn¡¯t stay away and keep my mouth shut. I remember¡­ I remember seeing Ashlee sort of go quiet and withdraw completely into herself, and that was the first time dumb thirteen-year-old-me actually connected all the dots in what was going on. How Ashlee always had bruises for no reason, and always acted the way she did. ¡°Well, it worked,¡± Tabitha admitted in a bitter voice. ¡°I kept what I saw to myself. I didn¡¯t go back and see Ashlee ever again¡ªI was terrified. I knew, deep down, how horrible it was to not tell someone about it, but¡­ with who I was back then? I felt like no one would care what I had to say about anything. Girls like Erica and Brittney, their words had more weight than mine, parents and adults would believe them first and not me. Never me.¡± ¡°So, when you came back in time, this time you did something about it right away?¡± Alicia guessed. ¡°I¡­ no, I didn¡¯t,¡± Tabitha admitted with difficulty. ¡°Not immediately. I¡ªI know it isn¡¯t an excuse for inaction or anything, but¡­ right when I came back to 1998, I was not fucking coping well. With the, um, the transition. Reliving certain horrible, uh, everything. I spent the first several months pretty much just obsessively cleaning things and exercising. Trying to, um. Regain any semblance of control around my own body and my immediate environment. I won¡¯t blame you if you think less of me for that.¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Alicia said quickly. ¡°I, uh, I shouldn¡¯t have just assumed that¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha gave her friend a forced smile. ¡°I, um. A lot of little things came back to bite me because of that. My neglecting interpersonal relationships, and, uh. Private misunderstandings between me and my mother. What happened all those many years ago with Ashlee and them¡ªI honestly had it all just walled off and repressed. Didn¡¯t want to think about it. Didn¡¯t want to acknowledge it. Wanted to pretend that my do-over was this completely fresh new start for me. I mean, isn¡¯t that what a do-over¡¯s supposed to be?¡± Elena watched in confusion and disbelief at the regret on Tabitha¡¯s face and the guilt she seemed to carry. It wasn¡¯t feigned. None of this was making sense to her, because certain nonsensical portions seemed to contain slivers of very real truth to them. Elena could see that, now. Time travel was impossible, but it was clear that some of these situations had actually happened, or at least Tabitha actually believed they happened. It¡¯s... a coping mechanism? Elena realized. It has to be. Some of these bad things really happened, but she formed some complex about revealing it to anyone, and it got twisted up in her head into this¡­ fanciful story. But, there¡¯s TRUTH hidden in there. Whatever happened¡­ it really fucked her up. If not for her own recent experiences, Elena didn¡¯t think she¡¯d have been able to relate. ¡°So, um. This time through,¡± Tabitha cleared her throat and continued, ¡°I think it was my new look that changed things. Changed the way the Taylor sisters bullied me. From what I gather, all along, I think Ashlee was hiding their things and blaming it on me. She was too afraid to directly confront them, and it might have also been... kind of retribution, for me abandoning her. Originally, I was bullied in high school maybe because Erica and Brittney thought I¡¯d taken some of their things. This time, it got worse, because now they thought, I don¡¯t know, that stealing things from them this time was really benefiting me. To the extent that I looked different, acted with more confidence, could apparently afford new clothes.¡± ¡°They felt threatened,¡± Elena agreed. ¡°I can see now why they had a more personal stake in needing to take you down a notch with the rumors and everything.¡± ¡°Take her down a notch?!¡± Alicia spat out. ¡°Fucking hell, they did a lot more than¡ª¡± ¡°I know, I know,¡± Elena gave the girl an expressive shrug to illustrate her helpless agreement. ¡°I¡¯m just saying.¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t that extreme at the start, though,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I think the tiny little differences in timelines were enough of a change for the situation to¡­ escalate, this time through. After getting pushed on the bus loop and getting the fracture, I faced some realities about myself I didn¡¯t really ever want to face. Decided to come clean about some things. When this woman from the school board dropped by about my withdrawing from school, I told her about Ashlee¡¯s bruises. ¡°I¡¯m guessing they discovered them right away, and someone or other separated Ashlee from her family while they sorted out what¡¯s going on,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Erica in particular panicked, showed up at the Halloween party where I¡¯m supposed to be¡ª¡± ¡°You weren¡¯t supposed to be there,¡± Elena grimaced. ¡°I¡ªI shouldn¡¯t have ever told everyone you were going to go. I just thought that¡ª¡± ¡°¡®You think you can fucking take our sister away from us?!¡¯¡± Alicia recalled. ¡°That¡¯s what Erica was screaming when she went going ballistic. That didn¡¯t make¡­ any goddamn sense to me all this time. Not until just now.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°That. So, Erica Taylor kills me, and¡ª¡± ¡°She didn¡¯t kill you,¡± Elena cut in. ¡°Just. Don¡¯t ever say that.¡± ¡°I¡­ I think she actually did,¡± Tabitha said slowly. ¡°Because, I definitely shuffled off my mortal coil somehow. Like, a few seconds after I blacked out there on the floor of the lakehouse... I started the timeline over again from the waking up in MRI. May of 1998. Again.¡± ¡°Wait¡ªyou what?!¡± Alicia exclaimed. ¡°I, uh, I didn¡¯t handle it well,¡± Tabitha let out a nervous chuckle. ¡°At all. I, um, I thought I lost all of our moments together. Things and circumstances that came about by happenstance I couldn¡¯t recreate. And, I couldn¡¯t handle sorting things out with my mother all over again from the beginning, and, well. The way things went, I didn¡¯t have to.¡± ¡°What happened?!¡± Alicia demanded. ¡°I¡¯m not sure,¡± Tabitha said after a moment of thought. ¡°Some sort of¡­ damage from the previous timeline¡ªthis timeline¡ªcarried through, somehow. My nose kept bleeding, I had these intense sort of migraine episodes. I¡¯m¡­ pretty sure I ended up having an aneurysm and dying, mid-conversation with my mother. All at once it was like¡­ like reality stuttered, and it went from being a movie about my life to suddenly cutting away to a surreal making-of montage. Some behind-the-scenes featurette, with weird dream nonsense stuff mixed in.¡± Elena stared, an increasingly incredulous expression becoming evident on her face. ¡°I sat in a Perkins I remember from the future, and talked with my friend Julie,¡± Tabitha went on. ¡°Then, the girls I remember bullying me in middle school and high school, including middle school Elena¡ªthat¡¯s probably what I meant back when I asked you which Elena you were¡ªchased me through an endless parking lot nightmare. I ended up getting in a junkyard F-22 fighter jet that got mixed in from this other fever dream I had once, and tried to escape. I think it worked maybe, because I got pulled back to my original timeline, in 2045, where they were trying to pull me out of the MRI that was breaking down.¡± ¡°Wait, wait, what?¡± Alicia pressed fingertips to her temples as she tried to follow along. ¡°An... F-22? You went back to the future? Were you able to grab more information about things? Lottery numbers, stock market shit? A sports almanac? Did you look me up in the future? Wait, and how do you know which of all that stuff was a dream and which wasn¡¯t?¡± ¡°I... don¡¯t,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Not for sure. All I have, um, is my interpretation of the experiences to go off of. I felt very confident that the timeline starting over was really happening, but, like I said¡­ in the middle of talking to my mother I think I just kind of croaked, or something. Bleed on my brain? Everything after that was very inconsistent and dream-like.¡± ¡°Wait, so you didn¡¯t go back to the future? Or, no?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°I¡­ maybe?¡± Tabitha held up her hands. ¡°I feel that I did, but I can¡¯t say for certain. At the time, I was, um, freaking the fuck out. Like, flailing and fighting hospital staff and trying to climb back into the dream, or the other timelines, or anything but being stuck back in 2045 like none of this ever happened. It worked, maybe, because I think my brain was hemorrhaging and it seemed like I watched my future self, um. Pass away. Most of the dream or nightmare or whatever seemed to... drain away and disappear at that point, and I was just kind of hanging in the empty darkness when I heard Hannah calling out to me.¡± ¡°So¡­ when you put it like that, it¡¯s like maybe all of that was a coma dream,¡± Alicia suggested. ¡°Right?¡± ¡°It¡¯s certainly possible,¡± Tabitha spread her hands in a helpless gesture. ¡°But, I think certain parts of it were real. The timeline restarting at the MRI, I think all of that¡ªthat day and a half, maybe two days of that really happened. I mean, aside from the headaches, I was very cognizant of everything around me. Aware of my surroundings, thinking at my usual capacity, and everything¡ªeverything was very real, as real as this is here right now. It was distinctly different from the dream-like portions where¡ª¡± ¡°Can I just be real blunt?¡± Elena interrupted. ¡°I¡¯m not¡­ gonna call you a liar or accuse you of making up this whole wild story, or anything. But, isn¡¯t the whole ¡®time travel¡¯ thing maybe this Uncle Vampire sort of metaphor for you to, uh, express some traumatizing situations you wouldn¡¯t be able to otherwise?¡± ¡°You¡¯ve read Uncle Vampire?¡± Tabitha asked, eyes lighting up. ¡°I¡ªuh, yeah,¡± Elena confirmed. ¡°I didn¡¯t pick it out. My Mom wanted to kind of see how I dealt with more mature reading.¡± ¡°Uncle Vampire?¡± Alicia asked, throwing each of them a look. ¡°Is that... anything you two wanna share with the rest of the class?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a book about a girl who seems to think her uncle is a vampire,¡± Elena explained. ¡°But, that turns out to be a metaphor for¡ª¡± ¡°Wait, wait¡ªdon¡¯t spoil it!¡± Tabitha interjected, waving her hands. ¡°Don¡¯t spoil it. Alicia, I can find you a copy at the library. I want you to read it for yourself.¡± ¡°Uhhh, okay,¡± Alicia agreed. ¡°Vampires are cool.¡± ¡°No, that one wasn¡¯t,¡± Elena scowled. ¡°Let her read it for herself,¡± Tabitha insisted. ¡°But. I see what you¡¯re getting at, Elena. No, my situation isn¡¯t a metaphor for something else¡ªI have actually, honestly traveled back through time from 2045 to here in 1998.¡± ¡°Then¡­¡± Elena felt her throat go dry as she saw Tabitha¡¯s look of resolve. ¡°Then, I can test you. There¡¯s like, a million different ways to test your knowledge, on millions of different little things you should know in advance, Tabitha. Are you really sure you¡¯re ready to get into this with me?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha gave her a self-assured smile. ¡°I am. Because you¡¯re my friend, and¡­ your trust really is that important to me. Ask me anything, anytime. Whenever you want! Well, maybe not whenever, I¡¯d appreciate it if you were a little discreet. I know I won¡¯t remember everything, but I absolutely remember enough to convince you.¡± Elena had been riding the ups and downs of an emotional roller coaster for this entire hospital visit. Meeting Tabitha¡¯s steady gaze now, an irrational spike of fear jolted up in the pit of Elena¡¯s stomach. Fear that against all odds and rationality, her friend Tabitha actually... might be telling the truth. But, there¡¯s no way. There¡¯s completely no way¡­ right? 29: The birds and the bees. Several days had passed since revealing her story to Elena, and Tabitha was getting more antsy by the moment. The teenage girl sighed, brushing her red tangle back from her face with her good hand and tucking her hair behind one ear as she surveyed her boring room within Springton General Hospital¡¯s inpatient ward. The decor was bright and clean but in a forced cheer way, somehow sterile of coziness and comforts to put her mind at ease. An oversight on their part, to be sure, Tabitha thought to herself with a wry smile. A big picture of a bunch of corgi puppies on the wall right there would do wonders for my recovery. I¡¯d even settle for a HANG IN THERE, KITTY! Her father had brought her a bouquet of chrysanthemums that overflowed from a small vase¡ªreportedly at Grandma Laurie¡¯s behest¡ªthat failed to combat the strained optimism of the hospital. Sighing with an impatient smile, Tabitha stretched her legs beneath the blanket again, nearly toppling her Goblina notebook onto the floor. She¡¯d managed to spend some of her ample free time streamlining her ideas, but her heart just wasn¡¯t really in it right now. I want to DO things, Tabitha thought once again. Nothing sets your mind on going out and living your life to the fullest quite like an intimate brush with death. As her long days of convalescence gave her ample time to mull over her thoughts, Tabitha had come to a number of conclusions about herself. She wasn¡¯t making the most of her do-over¡ª her actions since traveling back in time were too timid, too passive, so focused on avoiding some of the specific things she feared that she entrapped herself in a mindset that was even more dreadful; that she was letting so many opportunities slip through her fingers! I don¡¯t mean money, either, Tabitha chuckled and shook her head. After all, as the saying goes¡ª you can¡¯t take it with you. Her now suddenly gothic friend Elena¡¯s questions had more or less all revolved around eking out every possible financial gain using her future knowledge, to the point that Tabitha grew exasperated with the girl¡¯s line of thought. As un-American as it apparently was, Tabitha knew she had no desire to become obscenely wealthy. Though she¡¯d grown up in poverty and fantasized in her childhood about such a rags-to-riches turn-around, she¡¯d already experienced an adulthood of modest comfort and had the benefit of some rare gems of hindsight on the matter. I want to fill up my life with moments like when us three girls were just giggling in the dark of my cramped little bedroom for that slumber party. The things that are truly priceless in life are friendships and family; loved ones. Money and EXTRAVAGANCE will honestly just complicate those relationships. I won¡¯t allow any of us to be poor enough to suffer hardship because of it, but I also don¡¯t think I want us to be rich. The things I want in life right now are as cheap as an ice cream cone, Tabitha thought wistfully. To go around Louisville and see the sights in people, to hold hands with my Mom and Dad on either side like I¡¯m a little kid again. Maybe go swimming somewhere, when it¡¯s warm again. Go camping. Watch movies together in the living room. To do all the FAMILY things we never ever did in my past life. Want to go somewhere scenic with them, watch a sunset maybe, while we have ice cream cones. Tabitha really wanted ice cream. Money is necessary to an extent, of course¡ªbut what I want to focus on is MAKING MEMORIES, Tabitha had decided. Pursuing a fortune just isn¡¯t something I feel called to. I remember a bigger TV screen just made me feel smaller when I watched things. A more spacious, fanciful apartment would just be even emptier space¡ªit¡¯s scary to even think that I¡¯ll probably be able to afford my own house in this lifetime. The point her mind kept returning to was the Williams family lakehouse. It was nice in a rather extravagant way and she loved visiting, but she didn¡¯t think she¡¯d ever want to actually live there. It was alien to her, and a place like that would never feel like home. In contrast, Elena had seemed to immediately internalize the experience of seeing the mansion on the lake as a sort of personal goal. Dwelling over their differences in perspective was a fruitless endeavor, however, because her thoughts always returned to the current rift between her and Elena. She doesn¡¯t believe me. Of course she wouldn¡¯t¡ªwe talked and argued and debated, but honestly how COULD she believe me? It really just is too absurd. It¡¯s probably crazier that Alicia accepts it already. Tabitha didn¡¯t regret telling her the truth, though. Getting everything off her chest felt amazing, and wherever their friendship went from here, their interactions wouldn¡¯t be slowly poisoned by the uncomfortable knowledge of everything she was withholding from Elena. Agghh, I just wish that there was some way to¡ª ¡°Knock knock, Tabitha!¡± A cheerful woman¡¯s voice called out. ¡°Are you accepting visitors?¡± ¡°Good morning, Mrs. Williams!¡± Tabitha¡¯s face lit up. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Mrs. Williams joked. ¡°Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not, Miss Tabitha? Or, is it that you feel good this morning?¡± ¡°You¡¯ve¡ªyou¡¯ve read Tolkien,¡± Tabitha observed in a breathless voice, feeling a little more floored than she should have. ¡°Of course I have dear, everyone my age has,¡± Mrs. Williams tut-tutted, bustling into the room wielding a fruit basket. ¡°Look, I¡¯ve brought you fruit. Doesn¡¯t it just look like something out of a high school art painting? Tacky! The grapes looked delicious though, and I thought, oh, Tabitha¡¯s been cooped up in here with nothing but¡ª¡± ¡°My parents haven¡¯t,¡± Tabitha confided with a bitter smile. ¡°Read Tolkien, I mean. Dad doesn¡¯t read, and Mom just¡­ doesn¡¯t feel passionate about reading the way I do.¡± ¡°Ugh, I know just what you mean¡ªhubby dearest and even my Matthew are terribly uncultured bores in that regard,¡± Mrs. Williams griped as she plopped down in the chair beside Tabitha¡¯s bed and began unfastening the plastic of the gift basket. ¡°Football. Basketball, dreadful action movie nonsense on TV, anything Schwarzenegger with shooting and explosions and all that.¡± ¡°What else have you read?¡± Tabitha sat up with interest. ¡°Goodness¡ªpromise you won¡¯t make fun?¡± Mrs. Williams tore away the last of the wrapping and presented the basket to Tabitha. ¡°Anne Rice?¡± Tabitha guessed with a chuckle. ¡°Laurell K. Hamilton?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªmy word you¡¯re a touch young to be reading those, aren¡¯t you?¡± Mrs. Williams looked startled for a moment before erupting into boisterous laughter. ¡°You¡¯ve caught this old lady red-handed, I do enjoy my Anita Blake. I gave the Anne Rice stuff a try, but it was just too dry for me. Sometimes she just goes on and on and on!¡± ¡°She does, sometimes,¡± Tabitha agreed. ¡°Stephen King?¡± ¡°Oh, I have to be in the mood for him,¡± Mrs. Williams waved a dismissive hand. ¡°The man¡¯s a brilliant writer and I love a good visit, but his books aren¡¯t someplace I want to live, you know?¡± ¡°I loved his book The Talisman,¡± Tabitha confessed. ¡°It was my favorite book, for a long time.¡± ¡°That was a good one!¡± Mrs. Williams exclaimed, leaning forward to steal a grape. ¡°Just listen to you¡ª a long time, hah, you¡¯re still so young! Have you read any Anne McCaffrey, or Barbara Hambly?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve read Dragonriders of Pern,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I haven¡¯t even heard of Hambly¡ª what does she write?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t care for the dragon rider stuff,¡± Mrs. Williams admitted. ¡°But, McCaffrey wrote a different series I just adore, the Crystal Singer trilogy. Barbara Hambly writes these fantasy books with Sunwolf and Starhawk¡ªoh, I¡¯ll just have to lend them to you. I don¡¯t want to spoil anything!¡± ¡°Please!¡± Tabitha nodded eagerly. ¡°I¡¯d love that¡ªI don¡¯t know how long they¡¯ll keep me here.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Williams leaned in and gave Tabitha a conspiratorial look. ¡°We have this unofficial little book club between some of us old hens at the church group. I think you¡¯d just love some of the¡­ now wait a minute, you¡¯re just fourteen years old! We can hardly be pressing John Varley books into your hands and just insisting you read! It¡¯s honestly scandalous to think you¡¯ve read Anita Blake at your age!¡± ¡°I always preferred Meredith Gentry to Anita Blake,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°And, I¡¯m actually still thirteen. My birthday¡¯s in December.¡± ¡°Meredith Gentry?¡± Mrs. Williams pursed her lips in thought for a moment. ¡°Are they much like Anita Blake? Who writes them?¡± Ah. Right, Tabitha remembered, sheepishly reigning in some of her wayward enthusiasm. It¡¯s still 1998. Probably can¡¯t mention Neverwhere or American Gods¡ªand I guess Laurell K. Hamilton hasn¡¯t started writing Meredith Gentry yet. I¡¯m too fuzzy on book release dates. At best, I¡¯d only remember when in my life *I* read them, not when they actually came out. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t remember the author,¡± Tabitha lied with an apologetic face. ¡°They just seemed, um, similar in writing style to the Anita Blake ones. I think.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll have to look them up!¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°As you can imagine, quite a few of us church ladies just love the Blake books. Don¡¯t you go telling anyone, though!¡± ¡°I won¡¯t,¡± Tabitha promised with a grin. ¡°Um. Actually¡­ I¡¯ve been trying to talk my parents into joining a church. I want them to be part of a community, to¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯d love to have you!¡± Mrs. Williams gushed. ¡°My word, I already go on and on about you to all the women in choir. Are your parents Methodist?¡± ¡°My father was raised Baptist, but I don¡¯t think he¡¯s been to a service since he was little,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°They both believe, they just¡­ never got into attending services and being part of something bigger. I¡¯d really like them to, though. I think it¡¯d be good for them.¡± ¡°Just listen to you,¡± Mrs. Williams remarked, rocking back in her seat. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t they be the ones looking out for you? Tabitha, you¡¯re just fourteen years old!¡± ¡°Thirteen,¡± Tabitha corrected again with a wince. ¡°Thirteen, but¡­ I dream big. Actually, I¡¯ve been working on writing my own novels! This here¡¯s the outline I¡¯ve been putting together, I keep all my thoughts and ideas right here in this binder. I think by next year I should¡ª¡± ¡°Hello in there,¡± a nurse interrupted, pushing a wheelchair in through the doorway. ¡°Oh, you have company! Looks like things weren¡¯t so bad in the X-rays, but we do still need to get a proper cast back on your wrist for a few months so we can be sure your hand heals correctly. I¡¯m here to bring you over¡ªbut, your mother¡¯s welcome to accompany us!¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m actually not¡ª¡± Mrs. Williams began in a fluster. ¡°She¡¯s one of my Moms,¡± Tabitha quickly insisted, shooting Mrs. Williams a smile. ¡°I mean, you don¡¯t have to if you¡¯re busy¡­ but I¡¯d love if you came with.¡±
After a short session and some mild discomfort with a doctor gently examining her wrist and hand, Tabitha¡¯s temporary brace was replaced with another cast. The weight of it was almost familiar, it was fragrant in that peculiar way only new casts are, and at her request it was once again blue. The only complaint she had about it was how bare it looked¡ªcompletely bereft of her friend¡¯s signatures. That would be fixed as soon as she could find someone with a marker and see everyone again. ¡°It¡¯s so dreadful thinking what happened!¡± Mrs. Williams sighed. ¡°That awful girl. What she did to you. How close we all were to losing you!¡± The heavyset woman had waved away the nurse who¡¯d intended to wheel Tabitha back to her room, insisting she take Tabitha herself. She seemed to have been touched by Tabitha¡¯s willingness to consider her one of her Moms, and determined to play her part in the role to the fullest at the first opportunity. ¡°I¡¯m just sorry I ruined your party,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It really was a great¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, don¡¯t you ever say that!¡± Mrs. Williams fussed. ¡°You were an absolute doll, you didn¡¯t ruin anything. I can¡¯t believe we didn¡¯t get a polaroid of you in your Ariel costume¡ªyou looked so pretty!¡± ¡°You know what I mean,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I¡¯m sorry that things happened like that and ruined it for everyone.¡± ¡°I think we really need to talk about your priorities,¡± Mrs. Williams retorted. ¡°Didn¡¯t you just tell me you have a December birthday? It seems to me like we should be planning a big party for you!¡± ¡°That¡­¡± Tabitha¡¯s reflexive refusal stuck in her throat. ¡°Might be what I¡¯ve always wanted more than anything in the world.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Mrs. William¡¯s voice rose in excitement. ¡°Well, hm hm hmm. Don¡¯t you worry your pretty little head about that, Missy. You let Mama Williams take care of everything.¡± ¡°You really don¡¯t have to,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°God only knows what would go wrong this time. Some new crazy person¡¯ll climb out of the woodworks to make a big mess of it.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll pack the whole place full of angry cops,¡± Mrs. Williams insisted. ¡°Wall to wall. I¡¯ll make sure they¡¯re all armed to the teeth and on the lookout to shoot up anything that so much as looks at you funny.¡± If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°Goodness,¡± Tabitha remarked, shaking her head. ¡°It¡¯ll sure be a loud party, then.¡± ¡°You know, we really weren¡¯t kidding back then,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°They want to have a big ceremony and give you some kind of award¡ªthey were really only waiting on our good friend Mr. Macintire to be up and on his feet again for it! Do you want to roll on by and see if he¡¯s awake? I remember I took you all the way out to that Louisville hospital to visit him, and he didn¡¯t even have the good decency to be conscious so you two could talk!¡± ¡°Not exactly his fault,¡± Tabitha replied with a wry smile. ¡°I¡¯d love to actually meet him, though. Mrs. Macintire and Hannah come in almost every day to see me.¡± ¡°I still haven¡¯t figured out how to break it to the Macintires that Hannah¡¯s too good for them and that I¡¯ll have to just keep her all to myself,¡± Mrs. Williams laughed as she slowly guided Tabitha¡¯s chair down the hospital hallway. ¡°Did you know the other day Hannah said she prefers Mama Williams cooking over her mother¡¯s? That¡¯s how you always win them over, you know.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just fortunate that my parents have tolerated my cooking,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Trying to get them to eat healthy is like pulling teeth, sometimes.¡± ¡°Aw, that¡¯s so sweet!¡± Mrs. Williams patted her shoulder. ¡°You even cook for your family?¡± ¡°Well¡­ not lately, no,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°With everything happening. I really hope they¡¯ve been eating okay.¡± ¡°Just listen to you,¡± Mrs. Williams said, sounding exasperated again. ¡°You¡¯re going to be a great Mom someday, I can tell.¡± ¡°Me, a Mom?¡± Tabitha retorted. ¡°Yeah, right. As if.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯ve never been wrong about anything before,¡± Mrs. Williams joked. ¡°Ask my husband! But, who knows? I¡¯m sure there¡¯s a first time for everything. Maybe, just maybe, I¡¯ll be wrong someday¡ªthat¡¯ll be something.¡± ¡°I bet.¡± Tabitha wore an amused smile as she let the woman whisk her down the corridor towards the ward where Officer Macintire was staying. ¡°Knock knock knock!¡± Mrs. Williams called into the room before entering. ¡°I brought you a visitor, you ungrateful dirtbag¡ª make yourself decent so I can wheel her in!¡± ¡°Yeah, right¡ªjust let me shower and shave real quick,¡± a male voice called back. ¡°You know how it is getting halfway presentable around here.¡± They were apparently joking, because Mrs. Williams abruptly pushed Tabitha¡¯s wheelchair into the room. It was almost identical to the layout of Tabitha¡¯s own hospital room, although she noted that Officer Macintire still had one of those tall rolling stands from which an IV bag hung just beside his bed. The man himself wasn¡¯t like Tabitha remembered from that fateful day over a month ago, nor did he resemble the clean-cut photograph they¡¯d put up on the news channel so often. He sported a beard now, which made him look older, and the ordeal he¡¯d been through seemed to have added additional age lines along his face. Officer Macintire was still handsome, though, he still had the rugged if slightly drooping good looks one expected to see from an actor, and Tabitha could see why he¡¯d made such a presentable posterboy for the media to flaunt in the weeks following the shooting. ¡°This is Tabitha Moore,¡± Mrs. Williams presented the wheelchair forward a little too proudly. ¡°Tabby honey¡ªmeet Darren Macintire.¡± ¡°Hi,¡± Tabitha said with an embarrassed wave. ¡°Oh, wow, hi,¡± Officer Macintire seemed startled but pleased to see her. ¡°It¡¯s great to finally meet you¡ª it¡¯s an honor. The girls tell me about you every day, and I can¡¯t thank you enough for what you did for me back then.¡± ¡°It¡ª it was nothing,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Really. Anyone would have¡ª¡± ¡°Oh shush, you,¡± Mrs. Williams scolded her. ¡°You¡¯re a hero, and we¡¯re getting you a medal, and that¡¯s final.¡± ¡°I¡¯d just gotten transferred here to Springton General when we got word here what happened to you at that party,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°Everyone was completely heartbroken when we thought you weren¡¯t going to make it. I¡¯m really, honestly glad you pulled through. Look at you, they¡¯re already letting you roam around! I keep telling them I¡¯m fine, but no one will let me out of bed. I¡¯m ready to face the galloping hordes, fight a thousand bad guys with swords!¡± ¡°That sounds suspiciously like yet another Disney song,¡± Mrs. Williams remarked. ¡°It¡¯s all I know anymore! They have me trapped in here, at Hannah¡¯s mercy, all day every day,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta get me out of here!¡± ¡°As you can see Tabitha, he¡¯s doing just fine,¡± Mrs. Williams rolled her eyes. ¡°It is really nice to finally meet you,¡± Tabitha said politely. ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re feeling better. Hannah has been just amazing, she visits me all the time.¡± ¡°She thinks the world of you,¡± Officer Macintire gave her a handsome smile. ¡°I do, too. We all do. What you did was amazing.¡± ¡°It, it really wasn¡¯t,¡± Tabitha denied in a fluster. ¡°I just helped a tiny bit, the paramedics did all the actual¡ª¡± ¡°No, she¡¯s in fact the most incredible young woman I¡¯ve ever met,¡± Mrs. Williams interrupted again. ¡°I can tell!¡± Officer Macintire nodded with a slight grin. ¡°Actually, Karen here tells me you might just have an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme at your place that might need a bit of work. I love cars. I¡¯d be more than happy to spend some time working on it while the force has me off-duty. Honestly, you¡¯d be doing me a favor¡ªI¡¯m already going nuts cooped up all the time with nothing to do.¡± ¡°I¡­ appreciate the thought,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°But, I think that Uncle Danny¡¯s old car is headed straight to the junkyard. I really wouldn¡¯t want to trouble you with something that just can¡¯t be fixed.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t hurt to take a look,¡± Officer Macintire seemed undaunted. ¡°I don¡¯t mean to brag, and Karen¡¯ll vouch for how gosh-darned humble I am¡ª¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Mrs. Williams snorted. ¡°¡ªbut, I do have a way with machines,¡± Officer Macintire finished. ¡°Back when I was in my teens, I was big into rebuilding classic cars. Whenever a friend of ours needs something looked at, they always take it to me first.¡± ¡°I heard it was something with the battery,¡± Mrs. Williams spoke up. ¡°But they swapped it out for another one, and it still wasn¡¯t working right?¡± ¡°Could be an issue with the alternator, then,¡± Officer Macintire surmised. ¡°Easy way to tell¡ª disconnect the positive terminal and see if the engine quits.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a problem with the alternator,¡± Tabitha nodded, taking a deep breath, ¡°...and a small leak in the fuel line. It needs new tires, the brakes need replaced. The controller for the idle air intake and the entire electronic control module itself are both shot. Even if we could find junkyard replacement PROM chips for a ten-year-old control module computer, they¡¯d need to be reprogrammed. As far as I¡¯m aware, only General Motors can do that¡ªand they wouldn¡¯t do it for cheap. Considering all the costs involved in getting it running again, it¡¯s really just not worth the effort.¡± Darren Macintire blinked, seeming to reevaluate his first impression of Tabitha, and then turned to throw Mrs. Williams a look with an arched eyebrow. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªwell¡ª¡± Mrs. Williams looked speechless. ¡°Your parents didn¡¯t say anything about any of that!¡± ¡°I know,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I, um. Secretly had a¡­ neighbor look into what it would take to get it running again. I really don¡¯t want the car rusting in our yard forever. It makes us look like trailer trash.¡± ¡°You are not trailer trash,¡± Mrs. Williams insisted. ¡°Trying really hard not to be,¡± Tabitha said with a weak smile. ¡°Dad felt obligated to buy the Oldsmobile to help out our Aunt Lisa, because Uncle Danny¡¯s headed to jail. But, as soon as she had the money... she walked out on her four kids and just disappeared. It¡¯s¡­ yeah, no matter how you look at it, it¡¯s all a pretty trashy story.¡± ¡°She what?¡± Mrs. Williams exclaimed, looking personally affronted. ¡°Surely there¡¯s some way of contacting her?¡± ¡°None that she¡¯s answered,¡± Tabitha said with an uneasy shrug. ¡°We mostly don¡¯t talk about it. It¡¯s a sore subject for Dad, and I don¡¯t ever want to make Grandma Laurie upset. She¡¯s the one who¡¯s taking care of those four cousins right now.¡± ¡°That¡¯s terrible!¡± Mrs. Williams shot Officer Macintire a glare. ¡°There has to be some way for authorities to track her down right away.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Please don¡¯t. I, um, I know it sounds cruel of me to say, but. Aunt Lisa wasn¡¯t a good mother, and I hope we never find her. Anyone who¡¯ll abandon their children isn¡¯t someone I can trust with them, and the boys deserve better than her.¡± ¡°Well¡ªshe can still be held accountable,¡± Mrs. Williams fumed, unwilling to let it go. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m sorry. Let¡¯s not talk about this now, I didn¡¯t mean to bring everything down today with all of this. I¡¯ll speak to your parents about it later.¡± ¡°I really do want to take a look under the hood of that Cutlass Supreme now,¡± Officer Macintire tactfully changed the subject. ¡°I¡¯ve never run into a problem I couldn¡¯t fix, and hey, you never know¡ªmaybe whoever checked it out before was exaggerating the damage.¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± Tabitha nodded, trying not to sound too doubtful. ¡°I¡¯m really in your debt, Miss Tabitha,¡± Officer Macintire said with a determined smile. ¡°There¡¯s gotta be some way I can start to pay you back a little. Heck, between us cops and Karen here, you wouldn¡¯t believe the kind of pull we have around town.¡± ¡°Look at you being humble again!¡± Mrs. Williams huffed, putting her hands on her hips. ¡°I really don¡¯t know how Sandy puts up with your ego.¡± ¡°There... is something important you can do for me,¡± Tabitha said after a moment of thought. ¡°I want you to be the best Dad ever for Hannah. She almost lost you forever, an-and it terrifies me imagining what that would have done to her. How things would have been without you for her and Mrs. Macintire. For the Williams family, for all of the people who care about you.¡± Officer Macintire shared another meaningful look with Mrs. Williams for a moment before turning back towards Tabitha to regard her with a solemn look for several moments. ¡°I can absolutely promise you that,¡± he finally said.
After exchanging some parting pleasantries with the recovering cop, Mrs. Williams took Tabitha on a bit of a stroll¡ª or at least, a roll¡ªaimlessly meandering through the building. Anything to get the poor thing out and about and away from the cloying cabin fever of her room for a bit! The redheaded teen seemed to enjoy seeing even the lackluster sights around Springton General Hospital, but Mrs. Williams wasn¡¯t content to allow them to lapse into contemplative silence¡ªshe still had a mission to perform. ¡°Since you¡¯ve read Anita Blake I should probably assume¡­ but oh, I¡¯ve just got to ask anyways,¡± Karen Williams let out an easygoing laugh. ¡°You¡¯re thirteen years old¡ªhas your mother had¡­ the talk with you? About the little birds and the little bees?¡± Steering the conversation in that direction felt dishonest, because Karen knew Mrs. Moore had not sat down for that particular discussion with Tabitha. The flustered Mrs. Moore had in fact asked Karen to make this discreet enquiry on her behalf! Extraordinary change was on the horizon for the Moore family, and there was apparently some awkward distance between parents and daughter that needed to be very carefully addressed before the big topic would be broached. ¡°She has not,¡± Tabitha replied in good humor, tilting her head back to give the woman behind her an amused grin. ¡°I believe I have a firm idea of the um, the mechanics of it, but I don¡¯t have any personal understanding of that, and don¡¯t intend to for some time.¡± ¡°Okay, phew,¡± Mrs. Williams pantomimed wiping sweat off her brow in relief. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, dear¡ªit really is just such a dreadful thing to come out and ask a young woman!¡± ¡°It is,¡± Tabitha agreed with a chuckle. ¡°And, it is dreadful. I¡¯ve really been... struggling to wrap my mind around a lot of those ideas, lately.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Mrs. Williams prompted, lighting up with interest. ¡°I think¡­ I¡¯d given up on all of that,¡± Tabitha mused. ¡°For a long time. I honestly didn¡¯t see personal intimacy in my future at all. Ever. Then, I worked out so hard and fixed my diet and transformed for high school, and¡­ well, I don¡¯t know what I expected. My body¡¯s attractive now, apparently, but I feel like I already missed out on getting the user manual for how to deal with that, or¡­ I don¡¯t know. Maybe I changed too fast, and I just can¡¯t keep up?¡± ¡°There¡¯s this¡­¡± Tabitha trailed off as she struggled to find the words to express herself. ¡°Gap, I guess, in my formative¡­ um. It¡¯s like, expressing interest in boys, and what to do with their interest in me¡ªit¡¯s, it¡¯s like I don¡¯t even know what to do with it.¡± ¡°In my first month at school, I¡¯d get compliments from guys, and¡ª¡± Tabitha cupped her hands out in front of her as if she¡¯d been handed something unexpected, ¡°¡ªI don¡¯t know what to do with compliments.¡± The teen shifted in the wheelchair uncomfortably. ¡°It feels like... an inbox piling up in a department where no one¡¯s been manning the desk,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I know it¡¯s not good to just leave it unattended until it becomes a problem, but... I¡¯m leery of picking up the slack over there. Because I¡¯m not trained for that position, and good lord what if I start getting expected to actually do that job in addition to everything else I¡¯m trying to figure out, here? That... probably doesn¡¯t make any sense, does it?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Mrs. Williams quickly patted the girl¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Honestly Miss Tabitha, you make a lot more sense than you should! At thirteen years old, how are you relating your feelings to the workplace, of all things? What are they putting on television for you kids these days?!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha blew out a weary sigh that seemed uncharacteristic of a girl her age. ¡°Television¡­¡± ¡°So, you have trouble accepting compliments,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°That¡¯s not so unusual. Do you feel like you don¡¯t deserve the compliments they give you, or are you just uncomfortable with boys being interested, right now?¡± ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Both, maybe. I may never manage to get over¡­ this bizarre age dynamic that doesn¡¯t make any sense and probably never will. Also, psychologically speaking, I think I have this¡­ severe case of imposter syndrome in regards to who I am and who I present myself to be. It may even be totally warranted, I¡­ I don¡¯t know anymore. I don¡¯t belong with my peers, in a lot of ways, and improving my body image may have exacerbated the problem rather than helped it, I think.¡± ¡°Aw, Tabitha¡­¡± Mrs. Williams fretted, momentarily at a loss. Conventional platitudes and reassurances weren¡¯t going to cut it here, and Mrs. Williams felt herself taken aback all over again. This girl¡¯s mind always surprised her, but now Mrs. Williams could see that Tabitha¡¯s intellectual development had so far outstripped her emotional growth that the poor thing was completely floundering on the delicate matters of adolescence. ¡°Sorry, I¡ªsorry,¡± Tabitha apologized. ¡°Weird thing to bring up, I¡¯ve just been¡ª¡± ¡°You stop that,¡± Mrs. Williams chided, patting the girl¡¯s shoulder again. ¡°You¡¯re fine, don¡¯t you ever apologize for needing to talk.¡± ¡°I¡­ I think I really have needed to talk,¡± Tabitha revealed in a quiet voice. ¡°I really didn¡¯t mean to bring up the whole trailer trash subject or the drama with Aunt Lisa before and make things weird there, either. I just¡­ I feel like almost dying changed things for me. Just the other day I kind of poured my soul out to Elena, and now I¡¯m worried I might have freaked her out a little. Or more than a little. I¡¯ve spent too much time cooped up in here with my thoughts. Unable to do anything about anything, and now there¡¯s just, there¡¯s just so many things to get off my chest. About everything.¡± Mrs. Williams paused, guiding the wheelchair to a stop and stepping around in front of it to face Tabitha. Without hesitation, she kneeled down beside the surprised girl so that she could envelop her in a crushing hug. ¡°Get it all off your chest then, honey,¡± Mrs. Williams said softly. ¡°Whenever you need to¡ª about anything. I¡¯m sure your friend Elena understands, and I¡¯ll be here anytime you ever need to vent. I can understand how it could be tough to talk about some of these things with your parents! Well, I can tell you; your family¡¯s not trailer trash, you¡¯re not trailer trash, and I don¡¯t think you¡¯re any kind of imposter, either!¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha squeaked out. ¡°Mrs. Williams, I¡ª¡± ¡°You call me Mom or Momma Williams like Hannah does from now on, okay?¡± Mrs. Williams huffed. ¡°You¡¯re really in luck, because talking about things just so happens to be my favorite thing in the world! About getting that old clunker in your yard fixed up, about introducing you to the church group, about boys. I have stories that even make my husband blush!¡± ¡°We can talk about your family troubles, or about that story you¡¯re writing, about faith, I¡¯ll talk your ear off on any subject, and I might even listen to you, too! I mean, my word¡ªI can¡¯t wait to skedaddle over real quick to pick up some of those novels for you to read! You don¡¯t know how thrilled I¡¯ll be to have someone new to talk about them with! All Sandy ever reads are those dull old The Cat Who... books!¡± You¡¯re an amazing young woman, Miss Tabitha, Mrs. Williams sighed to herself as she gave Tabitha one last big squeeze. I don¡¯t know why your mother¡¯s fussing so much about how you¡¯ll react to the news¡ªthis really might be just what you needed. You¡¯re going to make a GREAT big sister when that little one arrives! 30: The girl that time forgot. ¡°They completely fucking lobotomized Erica,¡± Brittney revealed in a low voice. ¡°She¡¯s fucking brain dead now. A retard.¡± Ashlee Taylor stared vacantly out the window of her aunt¡¯s Toyota Camry and watched as the dull October dead trees and nothing but dead trees scenery of US Route 31W rolled by. She didn¡¯t want to listen to them fight anymore. Every topic her remaining family brought up simply twisted her guts into new fits of anxiety, but blocking them out or pretending just wasn¡¯t really an option anymore. ¡°Erica isn¡¯t retarded,¡± Aunt Kimberly said in a tired voice, ¡°and, they didn¡¯t lobotomize her. Your Nan doesn¡¯t want you swearing, so if you don¡¯t start watching what you¡ª¡± ¡°They lobotomized her,¡± Brittney shrugged. ¡°She¡¯s a retard now. I saw it for myself. Lobotomized.¡± Lobotomized, like... they removed her brain? Ashlee felt herself pale in horror as yet another wave of drowning guilt began to flood in. Lobotomized like, YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN lobotomized? ¡°Your sister was not lobotomized,¡± Aunt Kimberly insisted. ¡°They have her starting on lithium treatments to start stabilizing her moods a little bit. She¡¯s supposed to be a little loopy at first. It¡¯s normal. She¡¯s not lobotomized, she¡¯s just a little loopy.¡± Their aunt was once again driving them to Ireland, which turned out to be an ugly army hospital a fifty-minute drive outside of Springton rather than the gorgeous green European countryside Ashlee first imagined. It was a trip they made every week now¡ªsometimes with Brittney in tow, sometimes without¡ªvisiting some sort of psychiatrist or something to help untangle the complex web of problems that made up the Taylor family situation. So far, it was just long, tedious drives, followed by waiting, and then incredibly awkward sessions as the lady tried to prod Ashlee into talking about anything and everything that was wrong. She hated it. She wanted to be left alone. Ashlee definitely didn¡¯t want things to go back to the way they were¡ªno way in hell¡ªbut, the way things were right now weren¡¯t any improvement. They were just strange and uncomfortable and scary. ¡°Fucking lobotomized,¡± Brittney insisted. ¡°She got mind-wiped, it was like trying to talk to a little retarded child. I asked her if she was feeling okay, and she¡¯s like yah I¡¯m okaaay. I was like, they told me you were crying a few days ago¡ªso what was the issue? She gets all fucking confused and embarrassed. So, I ask around, and it turns out she was having trouble figuring out how to put her pants on right one morning. Like a fucking toddler. Not even joking.¡± ¡°They¡¯re still adjusting her medications, she¡¯s going to be fine,¡± Aunt Kimberly said. ¡°Bipolar disorder isn¡¯t something that magically goes away in just a few weeks. It¡¯s going to take some time. She¡¯s going to get better.¡± ¡°...Get better at what?¡± Brittney demanded with an incredulous expression. ¡°This isn¡¯t Drop Dead Fred. There was nothing wrong with her in the first place. This is all bullshit.¡± ¡°Watch your language, Brittney,¡± Aunt Kimberly warned. ¡°Your sister was diagnosed with a disorder. It was making her do things that she wouldn¡¯t normally do, keeping her from thinking right. The lithium is going to help, she just needs to be on it for a while and she¡¯s going to be loopy.¡± Bipolar disorder was their fancy new name for Erica¡¯s uncontrollable personality and constant need to lash out at everything around her. Pills were apparently the answer. Ashlee fidgeted in the rear seat of the car, adjusting her seatbelt and then trying¡ªand failing¡ªto find a more comfortable way to situate her legs. Frustration and uneasiness seemed to seep out from everything that was going on and stain every possible aspect of her existence. Without any warning, an attorney, a social worker, a woman from the school board, and a police officer had showed up on their doorstep one day. With all of them crowding down their house¡¯s hallway together, they had seemed like an enormous group. Mrs. Taylor had immediately launched into a suspiciously defensive explanation for Ashlee¡¯s truancy, and as her mother grew increasingly more flustered and agitated, Ashlee realized that something was seriously wrong. The social worker, an irritated-looking middle-aged woman with short gray hair and a chain-smoker¡¯s voice, had asked to see Ashlee alone in the other room. Then, she¡¯d asked Ashlee if she had any bruises. Ashlee felt proud and embarrassed and hopeful and terrified as she displayed her naked back to the woman in that other room, all the while the shouting back and forth on the other side of the door grew louder and louder. The bruising then had been getting bad, bad enough that Ashlee again had difficulty sleeping because of it, and now finally, finally someone had somehow noticed and would maybe do something about things. It was exciting to dare to dream of the prospect of change. Change came immediately. The social worker left just a few scant minutes after inspecting Ashlee¡¯s bruises, taking Ashlee with her. She was brought away with such sudden whirlwind expediency that Ashlee felt completely unprepared for it¡ªlooking back, it all felt like something out of a distant, impossible dream. The last thing she remembered seeing was her mother collapsing in a hysterical panic on their front lawn, screaming and shrieking and clawing at the police officer. Ashlee had stared, dumbfounded, through the car window at the once-familiar woman as she receded into the distance behind them. Ashlee was separated from her immediate family, and after a long talk and a rather mortifying medical evaluation, she spent two nights in a ¡®halfway house,¡¯¡ªwhatever that was¡ªand finally was sent to stay with her distant Aunt Kimberly on the other side of Springton. Ever since then, bombshell after enormous bombshell news seemed to drop, one after another. Erica completely lost it and attempted to murder a girl. Police and social services were both investigating their family. Dad was getting locked up forever, mom was filing for divorce. Brittney got shuttled off to live with Nana, and Erica got shipped off to a loony bin for juveniles and then apparently lobotomized. For attemping to murder my friend, Ashlee remembered in a daze. Tabby. The girl I blamed for everything I did. I did this. All of the sudden changes were more than just disorienting; they were terrifying. Every other day, it seemed like a therapist or counselor or caseworker from somewhere was interviewing her with discomforting questions, and nobody seemed particularly satisfied with the answers she gave them. Most of the big red flags weren¡¯t even related to Ashlee herself¡ªapparently some of her father¡¯s methods for dealing with Erica were capital letters NOT OKAY. Not okay, teetering all the way past a normal parent punishing an unruly teen and over into sexual abuse¡ªchild molestation. It wasn¡¯t easy to keep playing dumb about everything when the adults were so pointlessly persistent, and there wasn¡¯t much to tell them anyways. He never touched ME. Don¡¯t even really know what he did to them. Not for sure. The topic was a sore subject for Ashlee in a lot of ways. Several years ago, a very young Ashlee had blundered upon her sisters hiding out in the big bushes by the fence in the very rear of their backyard. Curiosity at what they were doing back there turned into complete bafflement as she discovered that Erica was bawling her eyes out while Brittney attempted to comfort her. Erica didn¡¯t ever cry. It was not something that she ever did, and in ten-year-old Ashlee¡¯s eyes, not something that she would ever do. ¡°Leave us alone, Ashlee,¡± Brittney had warned her in a hard voice. ¡°Go play somewhere else. NOW.¡± Ashlee had started to scramble away in fright, because surely seeing Erica at a vulnerable moment was some sort of taboo and there would be repercussions for her intrusion here later on¡ªbut, to her surprise, Erica had called out to her, stopping Ashlee in her tracks. ¡°Ashlee,¡± Erica¡¯s voice had been thick with emotion and that made her seem even more dangerous than usual, ¡°if Dad. If Dad EVER touches you. Anywhere. Ever. You need to come tell me. You come tell me, and¡ªand if he ever touches you I¡¯m going to murder him. I¡¯ll just. I¡¯ll murder him in his sleep. I¡¯ll cut his throat.¡± Fleeing the scene back then, Ashlee hadn¡¯t understood¡ªshe¡¯d simply been terrified that Erica would try to kill their Dad, and hadn¡¯t connected the why. It was even something she could see happening, because sometimes young Erica just did things. Fly into a ballistic fit of rage at someone¡¯s poor choice of words, bite one of her classmates at school during a scuffle¡ªthe girl¡¯s forearm required stitches¡ªor just walk out the door with a backpack because she¡¯d suddenly decided to run away from home. Police picked Erica up all the way out in Fairfield, and everyone had been flabbergasted that a little girl managed to get so far. The idea that Erica was being abused¡ªthat both Erica and Brittney were being abused¡ª had never really occurred to Ashlee. Seeing either of them as victims of anything took quite a bit of mental gymnastics on her part, because to Ashlee, that just wasn¡¯t who her sisters were. Sometimes Brittney and Erica would sit off somewhere and speak in low voices while forbidding Ashlee come near, but there had never been any indication that their bond was anything but that normal sort of popular pretty girl solidarity that Ashlee hated. Aside from that one single instance where she¡¯d seen Erica in tears, of course. In light of the new circumstances as they were revealed, Ashlee could almost imagine Erica had been protective and sisterly back then in that moment. Which felt weird and unnatural, but was somehow also a sentiment so alluring that she just couldn¡¯t discard it no matter how implausible she thought it was. After all, Ashlee only ever hated her father because he never protected her from her sisters and always took their side on everything, which made the revelations of abuse even more confusing. Mr. Taylor had never laid a finger on Ashlee. He always seemed more unnerved than most by her¡ªpeople often had trouble socially connecting to her, because the orientation of her eyes made it difficult to read where she was looking. He could probably never adjust, Ashlee thought with a bitter smile. I mean, other than my eyes, I look just exactly like my sisters. Dark hair, okay face. PRETTY¡ªalmost. Makes the difference worse, makes the problem stand out so much more. Some rare people never even seemed to notice her lazy eye¡ªlike her best friend Tabby, too mired in her own troubles and misery to really look past them. Ashlee liked that. She could appreciate that. Ashlee¡¯s own sisters called her Eyegor, from the infamous comedy character played by Marty Feldman. Other kids were weirded out by her, or made fun of her, or pitied her like the teachers, and each of them inevitably became distant in different ways. If I just kept my eyes closed all the time, people would maybe treat me normally, Ashlee thought. But then I¡¯d never be able to see it happen. All I can do is keep staring and pushing them all away. All of these new authority figures in her life also seemed mystified as to why Ashlee had been pulled out of the school system to be homeschooled. They now told her that she had not actually been homeschooled, because she wasn¡¯t being given any curriculum by her parents or anything to study. Registration and packets of coursework were eventually discovered at the house, but Ashlee had never been aware of them. Ashlee realized why this was, but none of these people seemed to accept ¡®I was really bad at school and they were tired of putting up with it¡¯ as an acceptable answer. Her mother had never bothered¡ªAshlee never did schoolwork, and she was too difficult to deal with. It was almost comical to her how aghast and horrified everyone was by that. As if that wasn¡¯t completely normal life for Ashlee. Suddenly, her mother¡¯s knowledge of the bruises itself became a crime¡ªshe was now somehow complicit in her sister¡¯s misdeeds. Ashlee had always struggled how terribly unfair life seemed, but for the situation to be so suddenly and violently corrected was still completely jarring and overwhelming. She wasn¡¯t even sure if she hated her mother. Not completely, at least. ¡°Yah, okaaay,¡± Brittney mocked, bringing Ashlee¡¯s attention back to the moment. ¡°Whatever. Erica¡¯s a total retard, now. I think it¡¯s like a revenge thing. An eye-for-an-eye, for her giving Tubby Tabby brain damage or whatever.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not revenge, stop it,¡± Aunt Kimberly shook her head. ¡°That¡¯s not how things work, this has nothing to do with that. Your sister was out of control, and now she¡¯s getting help.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Brittney scoffed, shooting Ashlee a meaningful look. ¡°Help, huh.¡± ¡°She was completely out of control,¡± Aunt Kimberly said again, this time in a tone that brooked no further argument. ¡°Can we just stop? Let¡¯s just drop it, okay?¡± ¡°Right, yeah. Better leave all the bitching for time with the therapists, that¡¯s what they get paid for,¡± Brittney rolled her eyes. ¡°You know, they¡¯re gonna make you take pills too, Ash. For your ADD. Make sure they don¡¯t give you the retard pills.¡± Icy fear blossomed in Ashlee¡¯s gut again, because she had indeed overheard them talking about possible medications. They were discussing putting her on something called Ritalin, to hopefully help her focus on things like school work again. I didn¡¯t want any of this. I didn¡¯t want ANY OF THIS. Why is it like this. Why did everything go this way. Why is all of this happening to us? In her mind, Erica maybe did deserve some of what was happening. Not to be lobotomized, of course¡ªthat was beyond the pale. But, Ashlee had always wished Erica would face some comeuppance, some sort of consequences for her violent actions. The fact that her sister was dangerous and out of control was something Ashlee had known forever, since she was little. It was only recently that everyone else was seeming shocked by this ¡®sudden revelation.¡¯ Brittney was mean too, of course, and sometimes Ashlee thought that she was the more cruel sister¡­ but Erica could be terrifying. Unpredictable, unhinged. Crazy. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Ashlee wasn¡¯t allowed to describe her sister as crazy to the psychologist or anyone at Ireland, even if her sister was obviously crazy. Instead, it was their dad¡¯s fault for molesting Brittney and Erica. It was the bipolar disorder to blame, rather than Erica simply being a psychopath. It was an unfortunate blend of situations and circumstances that caused her sister to unexpectedly commit a serious crime. Everyone seemed so keen on figuring things out and making things right, but Ashlee didn¡¯t think any manner or perspective of comparing all of these wrongs was ever going to make a right. It¡¯s all just¡­ fucked, Ashlee thought as she slumped to rest her cheek against the rumbling window of the car. Fucked up for good. There aren¡¯t any rights, only wrongs. It can¡¯t be sorted out or fixed or set straight. It¡¯s fucked. Totally fucked. And all of this happened because of me. She broke into an unhappy smile again at the thought.
¡°You say that this Tabby girl was your friend,¡± Mrs. McDonnell observed. ¡°You¡¯re using past tense¡ªdo you not think of her as a friend anymore?¡± The child psychologist¡¯s room was several floors up but didn¡¯t contain any windows, and because of the nature of her patients the decor was a strange mish-mash of toys and kiddie posters that seemed at odds with the professional-looking business attire of the woman sitting across from her. There was even a molded green plastic sandbox shaped like a turtle on one side of the room, filled with actual sand and the occasional bright plastic of a pre-schooler toy. It was weird seeing a sandbox inside, and Ashlee couldn¡¯t help but wonder whether sand got all over the carpets here in a big mess. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Ashlee shrugged, trying not to make a face. Sometimes it felt like the adults were grasping for any loose thread they could tug on to hopefully unravel some big story out of her, and they never seemed to care how uncomfortable that made her feel. She didn¡¯t want to talk about Tabby. She didn¡¯t even want to think about Tabby, lately. ¡°You¡¯ve said that when your sisters threatened her, she never came back to visit again,¡± Mrs. McDonnell remembered. ¡°Can we talk about how that made you feel?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Ashlee shrugged with all the indifference she could muster, hoping the woman would take the hint and stop pressing for answers. ¡°Did that make you angry at Tabby?¡± Mrs. McDonnell pressed for answers. ¡°Not really,¡± Ashlee frowned. ¡°It was smart of her. I guess.¡± ¡°Because you thought your sisters were dangerous?¡± Mrs. McDonnell prompted. ¡°Yeah,¡± Ashlee nodded. ¡°I guess. I knew how mean they can be.¡± ¡°Siblings can be very mean,¡± Mrs. McDonnell said, scribbling something in on her clipboard. For some reason, Ashlee found it incredibly irritating. ¡°Did you think Tabby was in danger?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Ashlee said, groping for whatever the right answer might be. ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay for you to feel upset with her,¡± the woman explained in that annoying always patient tone of hers. ¡°Even if she¡¯s not at fault. Her leaving and not coming back after that day, that may have made you feel like she was giving your sisters even more power over you¡ªlike they were given control of who could and who couldn¡¯t be friends with you. Do you think that¡¯s how you feel?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Ashlee muttered, trying her hardest not to think about it. ¡°What does it matter?¡± ¡°How you feel about it matters a lot,¡± Mrs. McDonnell explained in a gentle voice. ¡°My job¡¯s to help you work through how you feel about things.¡± ¡°Or, what?¡± Ashlee asked. ¡°I¡¯ll get lobotomized?¡± ¡°No, we won¡¯t lobotomize you,¡± Mrs. McDonnell replied with a good-natured laugh. ¡°They gave Erica pills that lobotomized her,¡± Ashlee said. ¡°Because of what she did.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s what¡¯s happening,¡± Mrs. McDonnell seemed amused, and flipped back to a previous page on her clipboard. ¡°I¡¯m guessing this was something... Brittney said to you?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Ashlee admitted. Deflecting the topic to Brittney and getting her sister in trouble for one of her sessions had been her plan, but maybe her execution wasn¡¯t quite as subtle as she thought it was. Clever adults were bad. Adults who remembered how clever children could be were always worse. ¡°I¡¯m sure that¡¯s something I¡¯ll talk about privately with Brittney,¡± Mrs. McDonnell promised. ¡°Would you like me to bring it up another day when we¡¯re all having session together?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Ashlee gave yet another repetitive shrug. ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. McDonnell jotted down another note. ¡°Can I tell you what I think?¡± ¡°Sure.¡± ¡°I think Brittney is very uncomfortable about Erica¡¯s treatment,¡± Mrs. McDonnell said. ¡°She knew her sister as one person, and now therapy and medication is making Erica seem like another, different person¡ªthat¡¯s going to be upsetting.¡± Well, DUH, Ashlee wanted to retort, barely holding it in and instead simply staring. She said they were forcing her to become retarded! ¡°When Brittney¡¯s upset, I think she isn¡¯t comfortable showing it,¡± Mrs. McDonnell continued. ¡°Because, that makes her feel less in control. So, instead she vents her frustrations to you in a way she thinks will upset you¡ªthen, you can be upset in her place. She can have an outlet for all of those feelings she doesn¡¯t like, by passing them over onto you.¡± That one wasn¡¯t quite an obvious duh thing to say, and Ashlee¡¯s gaze wandered to the carpeting as she considered it. The idea made sense, but she was really struggling to apply it so that it fit with her idea of Brittney. Maybe Brittney¡¯s just really different around Mrs. McDonnell? She acts more mellow around most adults. More courteous, watches what she says. Not like Erica. ¡°So¡ªso, what?¡± Ashlee asked. ¡°Am I not supposed to get upset?¡± ¡°That¡¯s not up to anyone but you,¡± Mrs. McDonnell answered in typical cryptic fashion. ¡°How do you feel about Erica, right now?¡±
¡°Did you ask them for some retard pills?¡± Brittney asked as they drove back from Ireland Army Hospital. ¡°For your ADD?¡± ¡°Brittney¡ªdrop it,¡± Aunt Kimberly warned. ¡°Please. Enough.¡± ¡°She said Ritalin is the opposite of retard pills,¡± Ashlee retorted with all the confidence she could muster. ¡°That they would make it easier to think. Get less distracted.¡± ¡°I bet she did,¡± Brittney snorted. ¡°They probably told Erica the same thing for her stuff. Doctors are all in cahoots with all the big pharmaceutical conglomerates. Getting you on pills is just like selling a car to them. Cash commission, right into their pocket.¡± Ashlee didn¡¯t trust Brittney¡¯s words over Mrs. McDonnell¡¯s, but she knew that the seeds of doubt her sister planted would sour her impression of prescription medicine all the same. On the one hand, she hated how easy to manipulate her feelings on the matter were, but then on the other¡ªdistrusting someone or something always seemed to speak to her on a deeper level. Because that¡¯s how things always really were. ¡°Mrs. McDonnell¡¯s a total quack case,¡± Brittney laughed. ¡°Did you ask her how much money she makes for just sitting there going ¡®hmm, yes, and how does that make you FEEL?¡¯ while she plays tic tac toe on her little clipboard? How do I feel? Seriously? Uh, pissed off, mostly? Erica wasn¡¯t even in the wrong, really. Someone needed to beat the shit out of Tubby Tabby for all that shit she was getting away with. Things only turned out like this because the little bitch got herself all cozy with the cops¡ªyou saw how they were treating her. They were totally biased, and for what?¡± ¡°Please don¡¯t start again,¡± Aunt Kimberly snapped. ¡°Just¡ªdrop it. Okay? We¡¯re not going through this again. You don¡¯t talk about that girl to anyone anymore, you don¡¯t try to talk to her¡ªjust drop it, completely drop it, forget about whatever you think happened, and stay away from her so we can all put this behind us and move on with our lives.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not Erica, I wasn¡¯t actually gonna do anything,¡± Brittney rolled her eyes. ¡°I can talk about it all I want, though. It¡¯s a free country.¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re in my car, and I don¡¯t want to hear it anymore,¡± Aunt Kimberly growled. ¡°Alright? Brittney?¡± ¡°Am¡­ I allowed to talk to Tabby?¡± Ashlee spoke up. ¡°Ever again?¡± The Toyota Camry rolled down US 31W in particularly strained silence for several moments. ¡°Mrs. Cribb from the school board... did bring that up,¡± Aunt Kimberly admitted. ¡°I wanted to wait and see what you thought. Do you want me to call her?¡± What?! Ashlee¡¯s mouth fell open as she glared at her Aunt. Why the hell didn¡¯t somebody say something to ME about it?! You all just had me assuming it wasn¡¯t even an option! ¡°Uh, yeah,¡± Ashlee said in frustration, ignoring the withering stare she received from her sister. ¡°Is Tabby still in the hospital?¡± ¡°I hope so,¡± Brittney made a disgusted sound, crossing her arms and looking off out the window. ¡°She¡¯d better be.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll phone Mrs. Cribb as soon as we get back, then,¡± Aunt Kimberly said with a sigh. ¡°We¡¯ll see how things go, alright?¡±
¡°I can drive you over to see her today!¡± Mrs. Cribb exclaimed over the telephone¡¯s handset receiver held to Ashlee¡¯s ear. ¡°She doesn¡¯t get enough visitors. I bet she¡¯s just going to be tickled pink to see how much better you¡¯re doing.¡± How much¡­BETTER I¡¯m doing? Ashlee wanted to scowl at the woman¡¯s cheery mood. Just because the marks were fading away didn¡¯t ever make them gone. They would always be there, Ashlee knew she was probably going to carry them in some form or another for the rest of her life. Some jolly old lady wouldn¡¯t understand what that was like, though. The psychiatrists and therapists couldn¡¯t understand, either. Not really. They saw the bruises but didn¡¯t understand why they hurt. The only one who maybe would get it was Tabby. Tabitha had seen first-hand what it was like for Ashlee trying to survive in the Taylor family. She knew. ¡°Today?¡± Ashlee repeated. ¡°Yes, of course. I¡¯ll make sure that works out with your Aunt, whenever you can put her back on,¡± Mrs. Cribb said. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s out of school for a while now, I don¡¯t know if you¡¯d heard¡ªI was hoping you two girls would be interested in studying together. With Tabitha¡¯s help, I think you¡¯ll be able to test in as a sophomore without any problem.¡± ¡°As sopho¡ªas a tenth grader?¡± Ashlee blurted out. It sounded too good to be true. ¡°I didn¡¯t go to ninth grade. I mean, I¡¯m not now. I¡¯m not enrolled.¡± ¡°Oh, I know, sweetie,¡± Mrs. Cribb assured her. ¡°There¡¯s a fair bit of English and Math for you to catch up on, but I don¡¯t see that being a problem if you and Tabitha put your heads together for a few months.¡± ¡°A few months?¡± Ashlee echoed. ¡°You think... I can just go back to school? Aren¡¯t I behind on¡­ a lot?¡± Like, a whole grade? A lot more than just English and Math? It honestly didn¡¯t sound like fun¡ªAshlee still hated school. At the same time, not going to school for the past year had continued to fill her with a formless sort of fear she wasn¡¯t able to shake. Fear that she was falling further and further behind her peers and would never catch up, never be normal. As much as she hated getting picked on and being unpopular, simply not going to school at all was just as bad or maybe even worse, because then she felt like she was missing out on all the important growing up stuff promised by shows like Sweet Valley High, Teen Angel, and Party of Five. ¡°I¡¯m going to make sure we have everything you need for that,¡± Mrs. Cribb promised. ¡°We¡¯ll make sure you both get all squared away and up to speed for your K-PREP assessment, and I¡¯ll be there to help you girls make sure you take care of all your other requirements.¡± ¡°Uh. Okay,¡± Ashlee said, unsure of whether or not this woman was bending the rules for them. ¡°Thanks. I¡¯m gonna put on my Aunt.¡± ¡°Thank you, dear,¡± Mrs. Cribb said. ¡°See you in a few!¡±
Ashlee didn¡¯t know how to feel as Mrs. Cribb led her down a corridor of Springton General Hospital towards the room where her friend was in recovery. It was weird that she¡¯d spent most of her day either going to or in different hospitals, and the atmosphere was beginning to wear on her. At the same time, she wanted to see if meeting Tabby again after so long¡ªit had been months¡ªwould dispel the strange, surreal sense Ashlee had been caught up in ever since being separated from her parents. ¡°She¡¯s right in here,¡± Mrs. Cribb gestured, leaning ahead of her through the door. ¡°Tabitha? Hello! Your friend Ashlee¡¯s here to see you! I¡¯ll let you two talk in some privacy.¡± Turning back towards Ashlee, Mrs. Cribb gave her a smile and ushered her forward. ¡°Go on, go on. I¡¯ll be waiting just down the hall with a newspaper. I¡¯m so happy to be able to get you two reunited like this. Have fun!¡± The teenage girl hadn¡¯t realized how reluctant she actually felt until Mrs. Cribb was actually pushing her inside the bright little room, and once there, all she could do was stare. Mrs. Cribb was saying something in a polite tone, a redhead wearing a headband of bandaging smiled back and replied, but Ashlee wasn¡¯t paying attention to anything that was being said. Is this¡­ some sort of mistake? Ashlee¡¯s mouth went dry as she realized Mrs. Cribb was already leaving, rushing out to give the girls some personal time. Is this a joke? ¡°Hello,¡± the girl on the hospital bed gave her an uncertain little wave. ¡°Ashlee. It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s been a while. Feels like forever.¡± The girl was slender, almost frail-looking, with pale white skin and reddish-orange hair. She possessed delicate features, wore a kindly smile, and held herself with a graceful sort of poise that immediately set Ashlee on edge. ¡°You... aren¡¯t Tabby,¡± Ashlee said, staring at the redhead in bewilderment. ¡°Who are you?¡± ¡°Um,¡± the girl claiming to be Tabitha Moore seemed taken aback. ¡°Well. I understand that I do look very different, but¡ª¡± ¡°No, you¡¯re not her,¡± Ashlee insisted, stepping backwards as her sense of alarm grew. ¡°Who are you?¡± This wasn¡¯t even about looks. Appearance-wise, this girl did have some features that were vaguely reminiscent of the Tabitha she knew. The similarities only made the wrongness stand out even more, make it seem more severe, though. Ashlee had always instinctively felt comfortable and familiar around her best friend Tabby, because at a glance she could tell they were kindred spirits. This person was not Tabitha Moore. The presence she exuded was completely different. It was a slapdash alien facsimile. Why would they have someone replace Tabby?! Ashlee¡¯s mind raced with possibilities, each more paranoid and panicked than the last. Did Erica actually kill the real Tabby, and they didn¡¯t want that to get out? Or, something? No, that would never work¡ªthat¡¯s impossible. Doesn¡¯t make any sense. Maybe this stupid setup was just for me? The therapists, or the psychiatrist or somebody thought this would fool me? That I¡¯d snap like my sister did, if I found out what really happened? Does this mean the real Tabby¡¯s really dead? My sister¡¯s actually a murderer? Erica murdered someone because of those things I said, and everyone knows but didn¡¯t want me to find out? Why THIS, though, who would ever think I¡¯d buy into¡ª ¡°I lost a significant amount of weight over the summer,¡± The girl in the hospital bed tried to explain with an awkward expression. ¡°I know that I seem very¡ª¡± ¡°Stop. You can¡¯t fool me,¡± Ashlee snapped, feeling her throat close up with terror. ¡°You¡¯re not her. I know Tabby. She¡¯s my best friend. You¡¯re not her. I don¡¯t know who you are. Or what you¡¯re even doing here. Why are you pretending to be Tabby?¡± She did look a bit like Tabitha, but the differences in the girl¡¯s expression and demeanor were not minute, and grew into uncrossable chasms the longer Ashlee stared. Maybe this was some distant cousin or relative of similar age from the Moore family, but this was definitely not Tabby. The real Tabby had an indescribable muddled tension to the posture of her stillness that Ashlee had always found intimately familiar¡ªwhen this fake Tabby was still, there was only an underlying calmness and clarity that was completely, totally out of place. The way she spoke was off, the words this fake chose were wrong, and the patterns of thought they drew from were completely foreign and didn¡¯t match the Tabitha she knew in the slightest. ¡°Where¡¯s my Tabby?¡± Ashlee demanded, unstoppable tears forming in her eyes as she felt herself breaking down. ¡°What happened to her? Is she, is¡ªis she dead? What¡¯s going on? You¡¯re not Tabby. Where¡¯s Tabby?!¡± ¡°Uhhh,¡± the imposter pretending to be her best friend winced and brought a hand up to her brow in consternation. Like she knew her cover had obviously been blown. ¡°Well, shit.¡± 31: Released from the hospital. ¡°Ashlee¡­ can we talk about this?¡± Tabitha tried to muster a hopeful look, but it was a struggle for her to meet the girl¡¯s eyes. ¡°Talk about this?! I don¡¯t have anything to talk about with you!¡± Ashlee spat. ¡°I don¡¯t even know who you are!¡± Each of Ashlee¡¯s accusations felt like a blow to Tabitha, like this forgotten specter from her distant past had finally found a means to haunt her. It was easy for her to read the outbursts as Ashlee saying my REAL best friend wouldn¡¯t have abandoned me, even when she knew Ashlee was simply failing to recognize her with all of her changes. ¡°You¡¯re not her,¡± Ashlee repeated, accepting Tabitha¡¯s silence as tacit confirmation. ¡°You¡¯re not her.¡± The young girl¡¯s glare hardened, growing guarded and distant. She wiped the brief tears that had formed and turned to storm out of the room with a resolute set of her jaw. ¡°Shit,¡± Tabitha clapped her hands over her face in vexation. ¡°Shit, shit, shit.¡± She¡¯s not even unfounded in that basis, Tabitha rationalized to herself. She¡¯s RIGHT to disassociate the current me from that Tabitha. I¡¯m NOT the Tabby she last saw on that trampoline. My memories have an almost fifty-year difference, my body is fifty pounds lighter, puberty seems to be affecting me in a different way, my diet and metabolism and energy and body chemistry are all different. Those are all the SMALL changes¡ªI have so many friends and family now. I¡¯m a different person. Tabitha had been proud of how much she¡¯d grown in these past six months, how much she¡¯d learned, assumptions she¡¯d overturned and new perspectives gained. Her development since incarnating into her past self had been meteoric, and by contrast Ashlee had of course not changed at all¡ªshe¡¯d been left behind and abandoned again, now in an entire additional new context. After seeing the hurt and confusion in Ashlee¡¯s eyes, Tabitha had never found her own impossibly unfair second chance at life so bittersweet. She¡¯s rightfully angry¡ªand in a lot of ways, Tabitha¡¯s mind raced. She knows me¡ªKNEW me, she isn¡¯t going to buy any excuse I can cook up. I don¡¯t think she¡¯d believe the truth, either. No one would. And, no one will believe Ashlee when she says I¡¯m not me, even though¡­ she¡¯s right. Technically. As if all of this needs to be any more cruel and unfair to her. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Cribb stepped into the room with a bewildered expression, not even remembering to knock. ¡°What on earth happened?¡± ¡°She... became upset,¡± Tabitha replied with an apologetic expression. ¡°She¡¯s¡ªplease don¡¯t hold it against her. She¡¯s been going through so much. And. Well. I¡¯ve changed. Quite a bit. From the girl she remembers me being.¡± ¡°She just stomps out here and says you¡¯re not Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Cribb said with wide eyes. ¡°She sat down out there in the waiting room and now I can¡¯t get her to say anything at all! What happened?!¡± ¡°I think she needs some time,¡± Tabitha pleaded. ¡°Please don¡¯t hold it against her. I know she¡¯s been through a lot.¡± ¡°Yes, but¡ªdid you say something?¡± Mrs. Cribb asked. ¡°Are you okay? I¡¯m just completely¡ªI don¡¯t know what to think, where all this came from.¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Tabitha said with a weak smile. ¡°Can you make sure she¡¯s okay? And, um, tell her I¡¯m sorry, if I said anything wrong?¡± ¡°Of course, of course,¡± Mrs. Cribb nodded, pausing again in the door. ¡°You¡¯re okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Tabitha promised again. ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Cribb murmured. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry about all of this¡ªI don¡¯t know what this is all about.¡± ¡°It¡¯s really not her fault,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°She just¡­ can you give her some time?¡± ¡°I will¡ªwe will,¡± Mrs. Cribb fretted. ¡°We¡¯re going to take good care of her. Sorry for disturbing you with all of this today. I was glad to see you seem to be doing so much better! I¡¯ll stop by again in the next week, if they haven¡¯t released you yet by then.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It was good to see you.¡± ¡°Take care, Hun,¡± Mrs. Cribb said, finally hurrying back down the hallway towards the ward¡¯s reception area. ¡°Ugggh,¡± Tabitha let out a noise of exasperation the moment she was sure Mrs. Cribb was well out of earshot. She let herself fall back heavily onto her pillow and covered her face, completely at a loss as to what she should do about Ashlee. ¡°This can¡¯t be happening.¡±
¡°Hey,¡± Alicia said, standing over the corner table out in the quad Elena had sequestered herself to. High school as a loner was new to Elena, but wrapping herself in a certain amount of distance from everyone else helped bolster her new goth persona. She wasn¡¯t like Tabitha who¡¯d hidden herself away completely unseen in the library at lunch, because Elena wasn¡¯t intending to be socially invisible. Elena positioned herself on the far outer periphery of everyone else, because that was the statement she wanted to make. Her present lack of social engagement also may have given her too much time to reflect on such things. ¡°Hey,¡± Elena looked up at Alicia with a neutral stare, neither intent on continuing conversation nor inviting the other girl to sit with her. ¡°Can we talk?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Sure,¡± Elena said with indifference. ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia planted the sketchpad and three ring binder she was holding onto the table and then climbed over the bench to take a seat. ¡°Are you okay?¡± ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I be?¡± Elena asked. ¡°I¡¯m serious¡ªare you okay?¡± Alicia pressed. ¡°Like, are we okay? If this is part of your whole new thing, then fine. That¡¯s fine and cool. I don¡¯t want you to be all upset about the Tabitha thing, if that¡¯s what this is about.¡± Elena looked down at the table for a moment, weighing her words and trying to figure out what she wanted to say. After a few strained seconds she looked back up, simply deciding her friend deserved the truth. ¡°I¡¯m really upset about the Tabitha thing.¡± ¡°Okay¡ªthank you,¡± Alicia sagged slightly, trying to study Elena¡¯s now intentionally difficult to read expression. ¡°You don¡¯t have to believe her. Us. You don¡¯t have to believe us, we said that¡¯s fine. That¡¯s okay. But, can we talk about it, or¡­?¡± ¡°I¡­¡± Elena frowned, staring at Alicia and trying to choose her words carefully. ¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s anything to talk about? Really?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia said, casting a nervous glance around and fidgeting with her binder and portfolio. ¡°We don¡¯t have to talk. But, can you listen to me for a bit?¡± Elena shifted uncomfortably in the seat opposite her friend, fighting the urge to quibble over how listening to Alicia talk would be them talking, and how she didn¡¯t want to talk about this. With a sigh of frustration and pointed disinterest in her eyes, Elena waved her hand, gesturing for Alicia to get it over with. ¡°I know time travel¡¯s impossible,¡± Alicia said. ¡°But, somehow or other, Tabs does know things that she can¡¯t know. About the shooting, about movies that haven¡¯t come out yet, about¡ªstuff. The way future stuff is. I know you don¡¯t believe her and that you¡¯re not gonna be convinced, but can I just like, lay out why I¡¯m convinced, so that things aren¡¯t all weird between us?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena said, a little more coldly than she¡¯d intended. ¡°Tabitha knew I was an artist on the first day of school,¡± Alicia began. ¡°Like, she knew beforehand. I had a paper out and I was doodling, not drawing, when she came up to me. Didn¡¯t have my art out, no one had seen it. I went to Fairfield middle, you guys went to Laurel. So, on that first day she¡¯s asking if I draw, wants to see my art, wants to get to know me.¡± ¡°What were you doodling?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Nothing!¡± Alicia held her hands up. ¡°Just like, lines. Eyeballs. Shapes. Normal every person does this doodles, not even like effort or skill or anything. Just ordinary bored scribbling. But, she was suspiciously convinced that I was an artist. ¡°That doesn¡¯t seem suspicious, though,¡± Elena countered. ¡°What seems like normal doodles to you is probably amazing to the average person. You¡¯re an artist.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªno, it¡¯s not even like that,¡± Alicia said in frustration. ¡°Anyways. I get to know her, she turns out to be different than I first thought. We¡¯re kinda sorta friends then, I guess. She asks if I want to hang out after school so we can talk about drawings and ideas and stuff, I¡¯m like, yeah, cool. The shooting thing happens. I connect it to her looking up first aid and gun shot trauma stuff because she was doing that in the library all the time and that was weird. Suspicious. She tells me about the time travel. I don¡¯t believe her.¡± ¡°With you so far,¡± Elena commented in a deadpan voice. ¡°Yeah. Well,¡± Alicia picked at the edge of her portfolio. ¡°I kinda, I dunno, kid her about it over the days after that. ¡®Cause I can¡¯t tell how serious she really is about all of it. I happen to bring up how, yeah she must¡¯ve known me in her first life, and ask her about that stuff. She gets like¡­ guilty. She didn¡¯t know me, not even from school. We¡¯d like, never interacted in her first life, I guess, and she only recognized me from me getting famous for my art. Kinda wanted to¡ªwell, not take advantage of that, exactly, but wanted to have a sorta partnership sorta thing going on with me. My drawings, her writing. Like that.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena said, her interest starting to pique in spite of herself. ¡°So I ask her about that, and Tabitha describes a specific piece of unfinished artwork in here,¡± Alicia slid her portfolio aside and jabbed a finger at the three ring binder. ¡°I¡¯ve never ever shown anybody these ones. No one knows about them, never brought them to school. My parents would freak out on me if they found them¡ª I¡¯ve had them hidden in my room at home. They¡¯ve never left my room. Tabitha tells me, in detail, this specific one that¡¯s super special to me, like it has huge personal significance to me as an artist. As a person. There¡¯s absolutely, completely no fucking way she could¡¯ve known about it.¡± ¡°Could¡¯ve been a lucky guess,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°Based on¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not,¡± Alicia insisted. ¡°Trust me. It¡¯s not. I¡¯m going to show these to you now, so don¡¯t freak out. Okay? I¡¯ve never shown anyone these. Not art teachers or friends or anyone I know¡ªnobody. Not even Tabitha.¡± ¡°Alright,¡± Elena said, curiosity getting the better of her. With what could only be described as extreme reluctance, Alicia slowly slid the binder across the table to Elena. Intrigued as to what special secret drawings were so important that Alicia kept them hidden away, Elena opened the binder¡ªand immediately slapped it closed again upon seeing the first drawing. ¡°Is this porn?¡± Elena mouthed, glancing around them to see if anyone had been looking. ¡°It¡¯s not porn,¡± Alicia said, wrapping her arms around herself and making a face and looking incredibly discomforted at having shown anyone the secret binder. ¡°It¡¯s art. Okay? Stuff I have to practice to get good at it but I can¡¯t show anyone because of what they¡¯d say. Okay?! You don¡¯t get good at drawing everything without practicing. It¡¯s not porn.¡± Narrowing her eyes, Elena carefully slid the binder off the table and tilted it partway into her lap so that no one else nearby would accidentally see what she was looking at. Upon opening the binder, she again saw the first drawing¡ªa pair of boobs hanging below a pair of shoulders and a neck. Flipping the plastic page protector¡ªanother pair of boobs, smaller, different-looking ones from a slightly different angle. The next page, more boobs. The next, boobs again. Holding her place between binder pages with her fingers, she flipped it closed again so she could shoot Alicia an incredulous look. ¡°It¡¯s art!¡± Alicia protested, covering her face. ¡°Don¡¯t judge me!¡± ¡°Are there penises, too?¡± Elena remarked in a dry voice, opening the binder to skim through the pages. ¡°Ew, no. I¡¯m not drawing penises!¡± Alicia seemed aghast. ¡°That¡¯s disgusting!¡± ¡°Alicia¡ªwhat, are you gay?¡± Elena asked, looking from one sketch of naked breasts to the next in disbelief. ¡°These are all boobs.¡± ¡°It¡¯s an art thing, oh my God,¡± Alicia hissed defensively. ¡°The naked female form is full of artistic beauty that I really want to be able to express. Okay?! It¡¯s not super sexual or anything, but yeah okay of course that¡¯s the conclusion everyone¡¯s just gonna jump to right away. So, you see why I never show these ever ever?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said, impassively examining the depictions of naked women drawn from the side, and drawings of them in various contorted positions. ¡°Some of these are really good.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Alicia squeaked. ¡°But, then a lot of them look really weird,¡± Elena remarked. ¡°Weird,¡± Alicia repeated. ¡°Weird how?¡± ¡°Like...¡± Elena went back several pages until she found a particular drawing again. ¡°Like, here. Between her boob and her arm it looks weird, see? And then the boobs look pressed together like she¡¯s wearing something, when she¡¯s not. This boob would be out¡­ here, like in this direction. But, you drew her with cleavage.¡± ¡°Uhhh okay yeah that one is super messed up,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°I know the boob position on that one¡¯s wrong, but the way the shape turned out was nice, so I had to save it for that.¡± ¡°You did it again with this one,¡± Elena pointed out, rifling through the pages. ¡°And this one. On the ones where you draw where the bottom rib stands out a bit, it¡¯s down too low on her torso. Like the proportions are off, so she looks wrong.¡± ¡°Okay okay okay!¡± Alicia groused. ¡°Now you totally see why it¡¯s something I have to practice, then! And a lot of these are old drawings anyways, geez! I just keep all of the nudie ones together like this, some of these are from forever ago.¡± ¡°Just don¡¯t draw on the nipples, and these won¡¯t all be gross,¡± Elena made a slightly disgusted face. ¡°If you¡¯d add in a few lines to give them clothing, it¡¯s less¡­ weird and like porn, and you wouldn¡¯t have to keep these secret.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t get it,¡± Alicia sighed. ¡°Yeah, I guess,¡± Elena said, casually flipping through the rest of the pages. ¡°Which one¡¯s the one you think Tabitha knew of?¡± ¡°...Very last page,¡± Alicia said with a hint of trepidation. Wasting no time, Elena turned to the very end. ¡°Okay,¡± Elena said, staring at it intently. ¡°Okay what?¡± Alicia prompted, squirming in her seat. ¡°Okay, this one¡¯s different,¡± Elena remarked, letting her eyes search up and down the drawing as she tried to put it into words. ¡°This one¡¯s really good. Who¡¯s she supposed to be?¡± The final drawing stood apart from the rest in that it seemed to convey something larger than the sum of its lines. Rather than the shock value explicit and in-your-face drawings of tits, this was a woman¡¯s naked back, with only a hint of breast visible on one side. The musculature of the woman¡¯s posture hinted at context, the detailing in each tangled curl of hair traveling down her neck and across one shoulder seemed significant somehow, and something about the way it was drawn was simply moving. ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Alicia whispered. ¡°I¡¯ve no idea. This one just kinda came to me. Inspiration. The anatomy¡¯s not exactly accurate. But, this one was totally free-hand and without any references, and it still came out looking like a billion times better than anything I¡¯ve ever drawn.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s better than your new stuff,¡± Elena pursed her lips in doubt as she examined the piece. ¡°It is,¡± Alicia insisted. ¡°It completely is. The others look good, but this is good. It has better feeling. It¡¯s more. I¡¯ve tried to draw this one a bunch of other times and they never carry even like a tiny fraction of what this one has.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t really get it,¡± Elena said. But then, maybe I also kinda do? ¡°What Tabitha described to me,¡± Alicia leaned in close to whisper, ¡°was the future perfect dream version of this that I know I¡¯m going to manage to do someday. She put into words like, exactly how I want her back, how I want to have these parts here just defined by light and shadow so they¡¯re a little more subtle¡ªshe knew. Because, I think she¡¯d seen it. The finished version.¡± ¡°There¡¯s other explanations,¡± Elena said. ¡°No one else even knows about this crappy version here!¡± Alicia insisted. ¡°Let alone what it¡¯ll be when it¡¯s complete. It¡¯s not like I sit there and draw leaning back ¡®gainst my bedroom window so people outside can all see what I work on.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena couldn¡¯t help but slightly concede in the face of Alicia¡¯s apparent conviction. ¡°But, that doesn¡¯t mean Tabitha¡¯s from the future. That¡¯s still, like, the least likely explanation ever.¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Alicia shrugged, keeping her shoulders hunched in close. ¡°I don¡¯t know. She knows a lot of future stuff, ¡®Lena.¡± ¡°Stuff that we can¡¯t verify,¡± Elena pointed out. ¡°Not yet,¡± Alicia agreed. ¡°But, eventually? What are you gonna do if she turns out to be right about a lot of big things?¡± ¡°Invest,¡± Elena said simply, closing the three-ring binder and sliding it back across the table towards Alicia. ¡°Make money.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia sighed. ¡°Maybe there¡¯ll never be a point where you totally believe her all the way. I guess. But, can you at least start believing in her? Like, you don¡¯t have to believe she¡¯s from the future, but can you at least believe that we believe that? That we¡¯re not lying to you, that this isn¡¯t a mean prank and you don¡¯t need to be pissed at us? You can just think we¡¯re totally fucking stupid, if you want.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have stupid friends,¡± Elena said, unable to hide her annoyance. ¡°So¡­ don¡¯t go saying you guys are stupid, ever. Okay?¡± Elena couldn¡¯t help but become even more annoyed as Alicia¡¯s smile grew.
¡°E-town¡¯s¡­ a really long drive,¡± Casey muttered, doing her very best not to scowl into the hand she was resting her cheek on as she doodled. ¡°Like¡­ ugh.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Alicia winced. ¡°I have gas money. And¡ªyou know, money money. I can pay you. I really need to get to Elizabethtown before December.¡± Alicia always gravitated towards the older girl now whenever she was in Mr. Peterson¡¯s class for her Drawing elective. As a student assistant, Casey frequented the art room throughout several different periods. Whenever she wasn¡¯t toiling away over at the sinks muttering obscenities under her breath at all of the students who neglected to properly clean their paintbrushes, Casey could be found loitering at one of the tables drawing cartoon bunnies. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°What for?¡± Casey glanced her way with suspicion, peeking over at Alicia¡¯s binder and artbooks. ¡°Uhh,¡± Alicia protectively pulled the binder closer when she remembered it was her nudie folder that normally never ever left her hiding spot at home. ¡°It¡¯s a secret. Top secret, can¡¯t say.¡± ¡°Top secret, huh?¡± Casey pouted, drumming her fingertips on the scarred and paint-flecked surface of the art room table. ¡°Okay¡­ did you buy an art club shirt?¡± ¡°I did,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°Gonna wear it soon, I promise. Hasn¡¯t been washed yet. I can buy another one, if you need me to.¡± ¡°Wear your shirt every Thursday for art club meetings,¡± Casey negotiated, pursing her lips. ¡°I¡¯ll need gas money. Annnnd I want you to be art club treasurer.¡± ¡°You¡¯re art club treasurer,¡± Alicia pointed out. ¡°Acting treasurer,¡± Casey made a face. ¡°And, now also¡­ acting president.¡± ¡°...Oh,¡± Alicia gave her a sympathetic look. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a small school,¡± Casey shrugged. ¡°Mr. Peterson says some years the art club just doesn¡¯t really make it, even if it starts off real strong. We had twenty seven people at the start of the year, and now it¡¯s already basically down to just six. Counting me. Me, you, Matthew, Bill, Mike, and Ethan. And, Mike and Ethan¡ªthey¡¯re flakey.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Alicia apologized again. ¡°I can¡­ probably be treasurer. Is that just like, handling money? Accounting stuff?¡± ¡°Accounting stuff?¡± Casey blinked. ¡°We¡¯re a high school art club¡ªyour job¡¯s to sell art club t-shirts.¡± ¡°...To who?¡± Alicia asked, raising her eyebrows. ¡°No one comes to art club anymore.¡± ¡°You want me to drive you to E-town, or not?¡± Casey gave her a withering look. ¡°Uhhh I can guilt-trip my dad into buying a shirt?¡± Alicia gave her a weak smile. ¡°And stuff? I mean, I can be treasurer, but¡ªlisten, I¡¯m not really a people person. I don¡¯t think I can get people to buy stuff. Matthew didn¡¯t want to do it?¡± ¡°He¡¯s... kinda already only showing up at meetings to hang out with me,¡± Casey revealed with a sigh. ¡°Not so much into the whole art thing.¡± ¡°Ah,¡± Alicia gave her an awkward nod. ¡°Yeah. I did¡­ hear about you guys.¡± ¡°¡®Bout me and Matthew?¡± Casey gave her another glance before returning to her doodle. ¡°Shit. Yeah. I knew your one friend had a crush on him, and now she¡¯s all¡­ she seems to be taking it really hard. I totally wasn¡¯t trying to rub her face in it that night or anything, it was just super stressful and¡ª¡± ¡°I think Elena¡¯s big makeover thing has more to do with Tabitha than with the Matthew thing,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°I feel like shit about it,¡± Casey said. ¡°By the time I even thought of it, Matthew¡¯d already been holding me for a while there in the hospital waiting area. And I was like, wearing his hoodie and all over him and¡­ usually I¡¯m way better about stuff with, uh. Keeping things discreet and all. Especially there in front of his mom! That was just¡­ a horrible night.¡± ¡°Really appreciated that you were there for us, then,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I can... talk to Elena about the Matthew thing, if you want?¡± ¡°What, in exchange for a trip to Etown?¡± Casey chuckled as she colored in the large round eyes of her Cocoa Cinnabun drawing. ¡°No, of course not,¡± Alicia said with an aghast expression. ¡°Buuut, also yes; if it¡¯ll get you to drive me out there?¡±
¡°So, why did you have to keep your relationship all secret?¡± Alicia asked with interest. Elizabethtown was a fair drive away, and Casey¡¯s garnet GMC Jimmy was hurtling down the road. Both girls wore jackets despite the rush of air from the heaters, and LeAnn Rimes sung out a breathy melody of heartache from Casey¡¯s less-than-capable speakers as additional background noise. Alicia didn¡¯t mind any of it¡ªshe was too excited to get to their destination. ¡°It¡¯s this whole stupid thing,¡± Casey grimaced. ¡°There¡¯s like, a bajillion reasons. We¡¯re technically the same age, but because our birthdays are far enough apart, I¡¯m a year ahead of him in school, so now all of the sudden I¡¯m this cradle-robber to some people.¡± ¡°Oh, wow,¡± Alicia remarked. ¡°So, it¡¯s like pressure from the other juniors? Or the sophomores? I thought it was to keep away from the jealousy drama stuff, since Matthew¡¯s¡­ popular.¡± ¡°The jealousy drama stuff is at least a majillion of the bajillion reasons, yeah,¡± Casey admitted. ¡°Everyone gets so stupid about it.¡± ¡°A majillion, huh?¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°And then, also¡­ nah I can¡¯t tell you that part,¡± Casey teased. ¡°Tell me what part?!¡± Alicia jumped at the bait with enthusiasm. ¡°Well¡­¡± Casey smiled, pretending to be reluctant. ¡°Also it¡¯s that if people knew we were a thing, there¡¯s no way they¡¯d let us run around unsupervised together at all the youth group events our church has.¡± ¡°Oh. Ohhhh,¡± Alicia covered her mouth in surprise to hide her huge smile. ¡°I see.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not even what you think,¡± Casey shrugged shamelessly. ¡°Not exactly. We make out a lot, and that¡¯s pretty much it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s enough, though,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Sounds really awesome just with that.¡± ¡°Did you have a crush on Matthew?¡± Casey asked. ¡°Do you think I¡¯m some sort of cradle robber?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°The¡­ person I like is... also a little bit younger than me. We¡¯re still in the same grade though, at least.¡± ¡°The person you like?!¡± Casey exclaimed in surprise. ¡°Who?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not telling,¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°Is it a boy, or a girl?¡± Casey asked. ¡°What?¡± Alicia snapped. ¡°Why would it be a girl.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, I just thought¡ª¡± Casey laughed, although she faltered into an awkward expression the moment she noticed Alicia¡¯s glare. ¡°Uhhh, I was actually just messing with you. None of my business. Totally cool if you¡¯re into whoever you¡¯re into, so long as it¡¯s not Matthew.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not Matthew.¡± ¡°Okay, cool.¡± ¡°Cool.¡± ¡°Is it anyone I know?¡± Casey prodded, holding up a hand before Alicia could deliver a retort. ¡°Just askin¡¯, ¡®cause like, a great way for you to get closer to your crush? Bring him to art club every Thursday.¡± ¡°Casey¡­¡± Alicia growled. ¡°No, no, it¡¯s totally legit, because you can just say you¡¯re asking him ¡®cause art club is so desperate for people right now!¡± Casey arched an eyebrow. ¡°Getting extra time to hang out with him would just be icing on the cake for you. Right?¡± ¡°You¡¯re unbelievable,¡± Alicia made a noise of mock disgust and shook her head in dismay. ¡°Actually, I was thinking about art club, a bit. I think Elena would be perfect for treasurer.¡± ¡°So, it¡¯s Elena,¡± Casey decided. ¡°You like Elena. That¡¯s cool, she¡¯s cute.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not funny,¡± Alicia said. ¡°What I mean is, like, I¡¯m an artist. Not a... business-minded person. If Elena was treasurer, she would go in with a plan and stuff. Set goals, talk to people. Meet¡­ quotas? Agendas? She¡¯d probably get a bunch of people joining and attending art club.¡± ¡°Wait, are you being serious?¡± Casey¡¯s playful smile faded away. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t that be¡ªis she even into art stuff? Wouldn¡¯t that be weird because of the whole Matthew and me thing?¡± ¡°No clue,¡± Alicia shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m not gettin¡¯ into all that stuff. S¡¯none of my business.¡± ¡°Do you think she¡¯d even go for it?¡± Casey wondered out loud. ¡°Before, I¡¯d have said no,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Now¡ªit¡¯s a maybe? She¡¯s really trying to set herself apart from who she was and be different now, and art¡¯s all about expression. Right? Elena could be the brooding art club goth girl.¡± ¡°Fuck,¡± Casey swore. ¡°You¡¯re right, I can already picture it. She¡¯d be perfect, she was in good with a lot of the freshman peoples. But... then, how do I make sure she keeps her grubby little freshman paws off of my Matthew?!¡± ¡°Grubby little freshman paws? You know what, Casey? I think the whole love triangle drama thing¡¯ll be a big draw, actually,¡± Alicia relished her chance to tease Casey for a change. ¡°Great angle for convincing her to join the club. We¡¯ll get Matthew to ask her!¡± ¡°That¡¯s not funny,¡± Casey said, making a face. ¡°Wait... do you think that¡¯d work?¡±
¡°Ughhhh you¡¯ve gotta be fucking kidding me!¡± Casey groaned as they finally pulled into an empty parking space. ¡°Seriously. Seriously?!¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t even on Dixie Avenue!¡± Alicia complained loudly in agreement, feeling a mixture of guilt and irritation. ¡°They said they were on Dixie Avenue. I swear. They totally lied. It¡¯s way back in here.¡± Although the storefront they¡¯d been searching for in Elizabethtown was nestled in the very back of a small shopping center and somewhat removed from the main road, it did feature a tacky sign out in the streetside marquee that said HOBBY STATION in simple blocky letters. Between griping about the drama queens at Springton High and blaring the radio, however, the girls had somehow both missed it on their first pass and gone nearly six miles before realizing they¡¯d overshot their destination. ¡°This place looks¡­ small,¡± Casey said with a dour look. ¡°You¡¯re absolutely sure whatever secret thing you need isn¡¯t something the mall in Fairfield would¡¯ve had?¡± ¡°Absolutely sure,¡± Alicia lied with a straight face. ¡°We called and checked literally everywhere. Do you want me to just run in real quick?¡± ¡°No way,¡± Casey refused, turning off the engine and unbuckling her seatbelt. ¡°After all this way? There¡¯s no way whatever you¡¯re getting stays a secret.¡± ¡°It stays a secret,¡± Alicia grinned, freeing herself from her seatbelt and opening her door. The two teens left the GMC Jimmy and stepped out into the chilly November air of Elizabeth town, hurrying over into the barn-like decor of Hobby Station. Something about the structure seemed less comic book shop and more utilitarian, like the building might have been designed as an agricultural shed. Tiny decals of model trains lined the window set in the tiny door, and a bell jangled as they entered. The interior was somewhat stuffy with very welcome heat. ¡°Hello, there,¡± the apparent proprietor was a nondescript middle-aged man rather than a kindly grandpa figure like Alicia thought he should have been, and Alicia stepped over to the counter while Casey was immediately distracted by a large and overly intricate display of model trains. Sure, it¡¯s a cool diorama and all¡ªbut, you¡¯re supposed to be a Junior in high school! ¡°Um. Hi!¡± Alicia squeaked out, hurrying to unfold a piece of notebook paper from her pocket. ¡°My mom called ahead, I¡¯m looking for¡­ a Dragon Models YF-22 Lightning 2? They said you had it in stock here?¡± ¡°Dragon models?¡± Casey said with interest, immediately nosing her way back over towards them. ¡°You have dragon models?¡± ¡°Not literal dragon models, I¡¯m afraid,¡± the man said with a good-natured laugh. ¡°S¡¯a brand, Dragon Models makes military model kits. I was the one who took that call the other day, had one set aside here for ya.¡± The man pulled a small box from an area behind the counter and placed it in front of Alicia before she could conceal the design on the front from Casey. ¡°It¡¯s... a fighter jet toy,¡± Casey looked confused. ¡°You needed a little fighter jet? From here?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a specific model, not a toy!¡± Alicia cried out in exasperation. She gave her friend a pointed look as if to indicate she should worry about offending the salesman here, but the man just chuckled again as he punched the price into the register. ¡°Comes to twenty-three ninety-nine,¡± the man said. ¡°We don¡¯t sell a lot of these ones, actually. Everyone wants to build the F-18 models after seeing that Independence Day movie with the aliens.¡± ¡°Independence Day?¡± Alicia echoed, glancing down at the fighter jet artwork on the model kit box. It looked¡ªpretty cool, with a streamlined simplicity that seemed futuristic somehow. The fighter boasted an attractive elongated star shape, like a five-pointed star that had been stretched out slightly to become more aerodynamic. The twin tail fins jaunting out at angles somehow just made it look even cooler. ¡°Uhhh, yeah out of curiosity, are F-22s like this in any big movies or shows? Where would someone have even seen F-22s?¡± ¡°F-22s?¡± The man paused to think. ¡°Something on the news, maybe? Nowhere else I can think of... no, nothing really comes to mind. Independence Day had F-18s. I know those Iron Eagle movies had F-16s. The F-14 kits with the sweep wing like from Top Gun are still real popular, of course. Can¡¯t say as many collectors are interested in the F-22s models, just yet.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ interesting,¡± Alicia said with a small smile. ¡°Huh.¡± ¡°Twenty four bucks, for a fighter jet model,¡± Casey hissed in an exaggerated whisper. ¡°Who wanted this?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a surprise, for someone¡¯s birthday,¡± Alicia gave the salesman an apologetic smile on Casey¡¯s behalf while she pulled out a twenty dollar bill and then singled some ones out of a little blue velcro wallet. ¡°I¡¯m gonna put it together and paint it for them.¡± ¡°Is he like, in the air force, or¡­?¡± Casey gave Alicia a searching look. ¡°It¡¯s a best friend thing, you wouldn¡¯t get it,¡± Alicia rolled her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s symbolic. It symbolizes trust between me and¡ªwell, you wouldn¡¯t get it.¡± ¡°If you say so?¡± Casey said with a doubtful smile. ¡°Best friend, huh? Just seems kinda¡­ weird?¡± ¡°Yeah, so?¡± Alicia smiled. ¡°We¡¯re weird friends.¡± ¡°Is he cute?¡± Casey elbowed Alicia. ¡°Um,¡± Alicia couldn¡¯t help but look flustered. ¡°Yeah? Kinda?¡±
¡°Time to wake up, Sweetie,¡± Mr. Moore called softly, rousing Tabitha from her sleep. ¡°I was just... resting my eyes,¡± Tabitha protested groggily, twisting up onto one elbow from the softness of her pillow. After a moment of blinking herself awake, Tabitha saw the empty cardboard box her father was holding and her eyes lit up. ¡°Is it time?!¡± ¡°It¡¯s time,¡± Mr. Moore confirmed. ¡°We just had our talk with the warden, and they¡¯ve decided to let you out early on good behavior.¡± ¡°Finally!¡± Tabitha exclaimed, sitting the whole way up and starting to swivel off the bed. ¡°Hup-hup-hup, hold your horses little lady,¡± Mr. Moore held up a hand. ¡°We¡¯ve gotta talk about good behavior, first.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha grinned up at him. ¡°I¡¯m listening.¡± ¡°The doctor said no running,¡± Mr. Moore began. ¡°No strenuous exercise. No working out¡ª that¡¯s no jumpin¡¯ jacks, no sit-em-ups, no pushups of no kind, not no way, no how. For the next few weeks or so, maybe more.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha readily agreed. ¡°No long walks by yourself¡ªnothing unsupervised at all, period,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°No standing up for showers, you can take baths in the tub for a while. No playing tag with your cousins. No rough-horsing.¡± ¡°Rough-housing,¡± Tabitha corrected. ¡°That neither,¡± Mr. Moore nodded. ¡°The doc said to keep any physical activity to an absolute minimum. An¡¯ then, just to be mean, he also said you¡¯ve also gotta take it easy on your noggin¡¯. No more than an hour of TV at a time, same for readin¡¯. Frequent breaks, whenever you¡¯re doin¡¯ anything that¡¯ll make you concentrate or focus or work that head of yours too much. No hard thinking, doctor¡¯s orders.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha said with less enthusiasm, casting a guilty glance at The Unschooled Wizard, a Barbara Hambly book borrowed from Mrs. Williams that was resting on the bedside table. ¡°Doc says lots of rest,¡± Mr. Moore continued. ¡°Naps every day, lots of quiet time. They had you walkin¡¯ around a little bit okay, but you have any problems with your balance, or even if you just feel tired, you sit your butt right down and call for help. The boys got you a dinosaur to press for when you need anything. You need anything, and your mother¡¯ll be right there.¡± ¡°A dinosaur,¡± Tabitha repeated. ¡°Makes a dinosaur noise when you press the button,¡± Mr. Moore nodded. ¡°I¡¯m told it is ¡®way cooler than a stupid little jingly bell.¡¯¡± ¡°...Okay,¡± Tabitha said with some reluctance. ¡°You¡¯re not allowed to skip any meals, we¡¯ve gotta make sure you eat everything on your plate. No using big words anymore or talking like a robot. You¡¯re not allowed to talk back to your mother. You¡¯re never allowed to talk to boys, and¡ª¡± ¡°Dad,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes and shook her head as her smile surfaced again. ¡°Hand, please.¡± Mr. Moore obediently assisted, holding her hand as she stretched her legs down all the way to the floor and carefully slid out of the bed. It took more conscious effort than she liked to steady herself, and after spending so much time as an invalid she felt physically weak in a way that made her heart sink. I¡¯m not sure if I put on weight or lost it here, but¡­ I¡¯ve DEFINITELY lost muscle mass. Worst of all, I won¡¯t be able to get it back for a while, seems like. ¡°Easy does it,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°I can stand on my own,¡± Tabitha assured him, attempting to tug her hand free. ¡°Nuh-uh, not ¡®till your eighteen and grown you can¡¯t,¡± Mr. Moore joked, not letting go of her. ¡°Seems like just yesterday you were first tryin¡¯ to stand up all on your own like a big girl.¡± ¡°Just yesterday, huh?¡± Tabitha gave him a wry smile, but stopped trying to free her hand. ¡°Seems like quite a few yesterdays ago to me.¡± ¡°You¡¯re also not allowed to grow up so damned fast,¡± Mr. Moore cautioned. ¡°The doctor was very clear on that. Wrote it down in all capital letters and underlined it an¡¯ everything. You need to slow yourself way down, Missy.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Tabitha indulged him. ¡°Guess I¡¯ve got no choice but to take it easy then, this time.¡± ¡°¡®Fraid so,¡± Mr. Moore nodded, setting the cardboard box down on the bed she¡¯d just vacated. ¡°Is that... real people clothing?¡± Tabitha asked with excitement. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta let me go so I can change, at least.¡± ¡°Your Grandma Laurie made you a dress to wear,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°You hold your peace and wait ¡®till your mother¡¯s here to help you get it on.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t need help to change,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°The little bathroom has handrails everywhere, look¡ªby the door, by the commode, everywhere. I won¡¯t let go of them.¡± ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Mr. Moore gave the attached tiny bathroom enclosure a doubtful glance. ¡°Dad, I¡¯ve been getting up to go to the bathroom by myself for days,¡± Tabitha pressed. ¡°Ever since they let me try to stand up.¡± ¡°Well¡­ alright, go on, then,¡± Mr. Moore frowned. ¡°Keep a hand on a rail. You so much as wobble, and you¡¯re grounded here to the hospital for a couple more weeks.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be fine,¡± Tabitha assured him, lifting the dress up out of the box. Pulling it up revealed a rather plain light gray fit and flare dress made out of surprisingly heavy fabric she imagined was perfect for these winter months. It had a modest neckline that wouldn¡¯t make her uncomfortable, long sleeves, and it looked like it would fall down just past her knee. A set of undies and familiar bra from home had even thoughtfully been placed at the bottom of the box. Tabitha found herself so enamored with the dress that when she gathered up everything and took an absentminded step in the direction of the little bathroom, she almost lost her footing. ¡°Sweetie¡­¡± Mr. Moore warned, taking her by the arm for a moment. Didn¡¯t, though! Tabitha showed her father a sheepish smile. Didn¡¯t lose my balance. Just wavered a tiny bit. Not gonna let myself get distracted. Slow, careful steps. After stepping in and closing the door behind her, she did reach out and take hold of the nearest rails, if only to confirm their position. Falling down for real would be no laughing matter, after all. Holding up the dress, she grew more and more pleased with it, and after admiring it for a few seconds more she gently draped it over the sink and quickly discarded her flimsy hospital gown. Wearing real undergarments again was an enormous relief, the first step to being a person with agency again. The dress had no zipper or buttons, and Tabitha had to heave the whole thing up over her head and climb her way up into it. The fitted waist was difficult to squeeze her shoulders past, but once her arms swam up into the sleeves and she managed her head through the collar to wear it properly, it was a remarkably comfortable fit. Regarding herself in the tiny ten-by-twelve inch afterthought of a mirror the little enclosure was provisioned with, Tabitha smiled to herself and carefully pulled her tangle of reddish orange hair through the neckline. When she arranged things just right, the shaved portion along the one side of her head wasn¡¯t even visible. I look¡­ frail, Tabitha quirked her lip at herself. Pale, way more pale than usual. But, the dress is very nice! Has quite a bit of weight to it, too. ¡°You let her go in there by herself?!¡± Her mother¡¯s voice sounded along with a hearty smack. ¡°Are you out of your mind?!¡± Tabitha quickly opened the door only to discover Mrs. Moore had mostly been teasing¡ªher mother wore an enormous smile at seeing her up and about and dressed. The small vase of flowers, Tabitha¡¯s binder, the small teddy bear from the boys, the borrowed novel, and the somewhat morbid framed certificate of death she¡¯d earned had already been collected into the cardboard box. Her parents stood there, waiting to bring her back out into the world with scarcely-concealed anticipation. ¡°Aw, just look at you!¡± Mrs. Moore sighed. ¡°Here you are¡ªyour socks and shoes. How does it fit? You look just lovely.¡± ¡°It¡¯s perfect,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Are we ready to go home?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, taking her by the elbow and leading her over towards one of the nearby chairs so she could don her footwear. ¡°I¡¯m very ready to get out of here,¡± Tabitha admitted as she bent over to tug on her first sock. ¡°I¡¯m ready¡­ for ice cream. I want to go out into town somewhere¡ªwith my Mom and Dad¡ªand just have ice cream. As a family. I think¡­ I think that¡¯s all I¡¯ve ever really wanted.¡± ¡°Phew, that¡¯s a tall order in the middle of November,¡± Mr. Moore chuckled. ¡°And I remember both you and your Momma are tryin¡¯ to watch your girlish figures now, so¡ª¡± ¡°No, we¡¯re having ice cream,¡± Tabitha shook her head in curt refusal. ¡°We¡¯re having ice cream, and that¡¯s final.¡± ¡°You heard her, Alan,¡± Mrs. Moore gave her daughter a supportive glance. ¡°Ice cream. Family. That¡¯s final.¡± ¡°Alright, ice cream it is, then,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head before looking back to Mrs. Moore. ¡°Did your talk go okay?¡± ¡°Ssh!¡± Mrs. Moore glared, raising a finger to her lips. ¡°We¡¯ll get into that later.¡± Intrigued but not overly suspicious, Tabitha carefully tied one shoe and then the other, slowly sitting back up and then holding her hands out for support. Her father shifted the box under one arm and took one of her hands, and Mrs. Moore went for the other¡ªquickly correcting herself after seeing the sleeve straining around the circumference of Tabitha¡¯s new cast¡ªand taking her by the upper arm instead. With her parents'' help Tabitha drew herself up to a standing position, feeling better than she had in years. ¡°Let¡¯s stop by and say goodbye to Mr. Macintire,¡± Tabitha proposed. ¡°Thank him for letting Hannah visit me every day. Let them know I¡¯m being released.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mr. Moore frowned. ¡°I don¡¯t know that we want you doin¡¯ a whole lot of extra walking around just yet.¡± ¡°It¡¯s on the way out, almost,¡± Tabitha pleaded. ¡°Please?¡± ¡°Well, of course we can stop by,¡± Mrs. Moore said with finality. ¡°Alan¡ªwhatever my daughter says, goes.¡± Tabitha turned a beaming smile up towards her dad, melting away the last of his exasperated expression in a heartbeat. She felt great, Tabitha felt motivated, despite knowing her arduous period of recovery wasn¡¯t quite done with yet. Getting better enough to be out of the hospital was more than good enough for now¡ªand Tabitha was realizing she¡¯d been looking forward to sharing moments with her parents like this for a lot longer than she¡¯d thought. Maybe her entire life. We¡¯re going to have ice cream! 32: Returning to where she belongs. ¡°I call shenanigans!¡± Mr. Macintire complained with a wide smile. ¡°Not fair, absolutely not fair. Hannah Banana, you tell them Miss Tabitha¡¯s not allowed to leave the hospital yet. I¡¯ve put in waaay more hospital time already, but somehow I still don¡¯t get to leave!¡± The exaggerated pout the grown man put on when his seven-year-old daughter was here was absolutely adorkable, and Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but grin at seeing him in this new light. Both Mrs. Macintire and Hannah happened to be visiting with him when they stopped by and the little hospital room was crowded, so the Moore parents lingered by the door while Tabitha came in to say her goodbyes. As eager as she was to leave the hospital behind, she would miss getting to see Hannah every day. ¡°She can leave if she wants to,¡± Hannah put her little fists on her hips and gave her dad the cutest stern look she could muster. ¡°She just got better faster.¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you tell your father about my operation,¡± Tabitha suggested with an amused smile. ¡°Hannah knows all about it!¡± ¡°Tabby got... a third ventriloquist,¡± Hannah explained with a serious expression. ¡°A third ventriloquist is, um¡­ it¡¯s like when¡­¡± Mrs. Macintire turned away and covered her mouth, but not before everyone heard her snrrk of laughter escape. ¡°An endoscopic third ventriculostomy is when doctors open up¡­¡± Tabitha helped. ¡°Yeah, an endoscopal third ventriloquist,¡± Hannah continued to liberally paraphrase while making a shape with her hand as though she was holding something big. ¡°It¡¯s when doctors open up a bit of Tabby¡¯s head, like they¡¯re carving a pumpkin. Then they take out some of the seeds and pumpkin stuff. To make it so that there¡¯s not too much.¡± ¡°Oh, lordy,¡± Mrs Moore laughed from the doorway. ¡°Seeds and pumpkin stuff, huh?¡± Mr. Macintire grinned, glancing from Hannah over to her mother who was still struggling to suppress her own laughter. ¡°Hopefully nothing too important?¡± ¡°Cerebrospinal fluid was removed to help reduce swelling from the trauma,¡± Tabitha assisted Hannah¡¯s storytelling with a gentle smile. ¡°They didn¡¯t quite turn me into a jack-o-lantern, they just made a few incisions and lifted back the tiny portion of bone that had been impacted where my skull was cracked. I¡¯m told I was very fortunate in that regard at least¡ªcompared to what you went through, I think it was a much more minor operation.¡± The bleed on her brain had clotted before even arriving at the hospital¡ªwhich she was told was common¡ªbut the clot itself had been extremely dangerous, and with her swollen tissues from the head trauma the clot was in a position considered unfavorable for a more invasive operation. An endoscope was used through a small incision, the surgical bypass successfully helped drain some excess fluid, after which she¡¯d been placed under observation to determine what would happen with the clot. The blood clot did disappear, but it did so along with all of Tabitha¡¯s apparent brain activity, so everyone had naturally feared the worst. Think I only survived at all because of my abnormal circumstance, Tabitha thought to herself, suppressing a wistful smile. But... who would ever believe it? If whatever electrical or neural signals that constitute my memories can somehow transmit backwards in time, is it possible for damage to be dispersed that way? I want to say that logically, no that¡¯s not even realistic, but then on the other hand¡ªneither is fucking time travel. It definitely DID seem like I carried that blood clot into the other timeline and left it there. Sorry, other timeline. ¡°Yeah, you got shot!¡± Hannah said, looking at her father in consternation. ¡°On TV when people get shot they die.¡± ¡°Not always,¡± Mr. Macintire protested. ¡°I¡¯m the hero¡ªI¡¯m like James Bond, a bullet here and there won¡¯t even barely slow me down.¡± ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re the hero, huh?¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head in exasperation. ¡°I think from now on, no more letting Hannah sneak out of bed to watch Bond movies with you, okay?¡± ¡°Well, obviously I¡¯m the hero,¡± Mr. Macintire grunted, reaching over ruffle Hannah¡¯s hair. ¡°Besides, how can you have late night father-daughter bonding without Bond? Right, Hannah Banana?¡± ¡°No, Tabby¡¯s the hero!¡± Hannah insisted, struggling to fight off her dad¡¯s hand with both of hers. ¡°¡®Cause¡ªshe¡¯s the one that saved you!¡± ¡°Then, that makes Hannah the real hero, because she¡¯s the one who saved me,¡± Tabitha said, slowly dropping into a crouch and opening her arms. ¡°Yeah!¡± Hannah¡¯s eyes lit up and she escaped Mr. Macintire¡¯s grasp and rushed over to envelop Tabitha in a hug. ¡°Whoa¡ªcareful careful Hannah,¡± Mrs. Macintire stepped forward in alarm. ¡°Careful with Tabitha.¡± ¡°She¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha assured her, wrapping her arms around Hannah. ¡°She¡¯s fine. She¡¯s my hero! She grabbed my hand when I was lost in a very, very bad dream, and that¡¯s how I found my way back. It was tough!¡± ¡°Really?¡± Hannah leaned back far enough to search Tabitha¡¯s expression. ¡°Really,¡± Tabitha confirmed with a nod, booping her on the nose. ¡°Thank you. How about, in the future, whenever your parents are busy or need some time to themselves, I can come over to your house so that you can babysit me.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Hannah¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°I can babysit you?¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I need you to look after me¡ªbecause you¡¯re my hero.¡± ¡°Mom, can I babysit Tabitha?¡± Hannah twisted in Tabitha¡¯s arms to throw her mother a look of excitement. ¡°In case for uh, for whenever she needs someone to look after her?¡± ¡°We¡¯ll see,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled, giving Tabitha a look. ¡°We¡¯ll see how Tabitha¡¯s feeling when she¡¯s a little better.¡± ¡°Soon as you get better, I¡¯m going to babysit!¡± Hannah said. ¡°I¡¯ll learn all of Momma William¡¯s recipes you like,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°We¡¯ll cook a big dinner together, and then get cozy under a blanket and watch Disney movies. How does that sound?¡± ¡°Hey, wait a minute!¡± Mr. Macintire made himself sound extra indignant. ¡°What about movie nights with Daddy?!¡± ¡°Daddy¡¯s movies are BORING!¡± Hannah confided to Tabitha in a whisper that was more than loud enough for everyone present to hear. ¡°They most certainly are not!¡± Mr. Macintire said in a childish tone. ¡°There¡¯s nothing boring about James Bond movies!¡± ¡°Boooring!¡± Hannah giggled. I don¡¯t think my favorite movie SPIRITED AWAY is out yet, but I¡¯m sure Totoro and Kiki¡¯s Delivery Service are on home video here already, Tabitha thought to herself, pulling Hannah back in close for another hug. If I can only find them¡ªit¡¯s not like I can just order them online. I wonder if she¡¯s seen The Thief and the Cobbler? ¡°C¡¯mon, Pumpkin,¡± Mr. Moore spoke up. ¡°Let¡¯s go and get you home and restin¡¯.¡± ¡°Ugh,¡± Mrs. Moore thwapped him with the back of her hand. ¡°Geez, Alan¡ªdon¡¯t call her Pumpkin, not now. Not while I still have those images in my head.¡± ¡°Yeah, not after they carved ¡®er open and took out all of the seeds and pumpkin stuff!¡± Mr. Macintire laughed from where he was reclining on the hospital bed. ¡°Oh, don¡¯t you even get him started!¡± Mrs. Moore rolled her eyes. ¡°C¡¯mon Tabby Honey. Let¡¯s leave them be, Officer Macintire here will be fine¡ªhe has Hannah here to babysit him.¡± ¡°Thank you so much for stopping by,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, gently pulling Hannah out of the way and assisting Tabitha back up to her feet so that she could give her a hug of her own. ¡°No, no,¡± Tabitha said quickly. ¡°Thank you guys for spending so much time visiting me. If you two hadn¡¯t been there on that day¡­ I think I would¡¯ve been in trouble. To say the least.¡± ¡°Open invitation for you all to join us for Thanksgiving,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°I¡¯m making a big feast to celebrate when this stupid lunk finally gets released, but he won¡¯t even be able to eat solids for a while, so¡­¡± ¡°Mm-mmm, turkey milkshake!¡± Mr. Macintire chimed in, patting his tummy and spurring another fit of giggles out of Hannah. ¡°My favorite.¡± ¡°You laugh now while you can, buddy¡ªwe¡¯ve got a blender,¡± Mrs. Macintire teased, shooting her husband a look before turning back to the Moores. ¡°It was great to see you all. Take care and drive safely!¡± ¡°Keep an eye on this guy,¡± Tabitha ushered Hannah back towards Mr. Macintire. ¡°He¡¯s a troublemaker.¡± ¡°I will,¡± Hannah promised with a serious nod. ¡°Bye, Tabby!¡± ¡°See you later, Hannah.¡±
The wailing keen of ambulance sirens and flashing lights cut through the November air like a knife, and the sparse traffic along the road dutifully slowed and pulled toward the median to let the emergency vehicle pass. ¡°Tsk, terribly inconsiderate,¡± Mrs. Moore made a dour face. ¡°Honestly. We¡¯re trying to take our daughter home, here!¡± ¡°We¡¯re on the main road that leads right to the hospital,¡± Tabitha reminded her with an amused expression. ¡°I think that¡¯s fair odds for encountering an ambulance.¡± ¡°Always hated the things,¡± Mrs. Moore shook her head, seemingly determined to be unreasonable. ¡°They always mean something bad¡¯s happened, it¡¯s like they¡¯re this dreadful¡­ I don¡¯t know, omen or something.¡± ¡°All a matter of perspective,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I¡¯m sure when you really need one, the arrival of an ambulance is a very welcome sight.¡± ¡°Well, we won¡¯t be needing one of those any time soon,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°I think we¡¯re done and through with them things for a good long while, okay?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha readily agreed with a nod. I wasn¡¯t even conscious for whatever ambulance took me in from the party. Normally being situated in-between her mother and father in the tight confines of the truck cab was unpleasant, but right now Tabitha felt comforted to be surrounded by her family. She¡¯d been in sore need of a change of scenery, and more than anything the seductive call of freedom and personal agency had been beckoning for far too long. It was inordinately frustrating sitting there cooped up in a hospital room simply waiting to get better, and no amount of trifling distractions would ever be able to change that. Tabitha needed to do things. I¡¯m going to set up a garden, Tabitha decided. Always meant to, but just never made time. I can¡¯t actually PLANT anything until Spring, but I can certainly¡ªwait, I don¡¯t even need to keep this to myself, do I? ¡°Mom? Dad?¡± Tabitha asked, breaking into a grin. ¡°Can I clear space for a garden?¡± ¡°In November?¡± Mr. Moore laughed. ¡°Yes, in November!¡± Tabitha beamed. ¡°I want to weed the yard so our grass looks better, anyways. Spend time out in the sun, feel the wind on my face. Get my hands in the soil. By the time everything¡¯s ready and set up, Spring will be here.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªthe ground¡¯s practically frozen, you¡¯ll catch cold out there in the yard!¡± Mrs. Moore objected. ¡°What sort of flowers were you wanting to plant next year?¡± ¡°Cucumbers, tomatoes, peas,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Peppers, maybe? I don¡¯t know just yet.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t sound much like flowers to me,¡± Mr. Moore gave his daughter a wry smile before turning his attention back to the road. ¡°Flowers... are only nice to look at,¡± Tabitha pointed out. ¡°Vegetables can be nice to look at and good to eat. We already took just about everything from Grandma Laurie¡¯s garden this year¡ªI¡¯d really like to be the one bringing her things, for a change.¡± ¡°That¡¯s very thoughtful of you, Sweetie.¡± ¡°My birthday¡¯s next month!¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes lit up as she remembered. ¡°For my birthday, I¡¯d like a big bucket for us to start composting with. And a pair of gardening gloves. If I can use some of those old bricks we already have in the shed, I can mark out an area the size of¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re not getting a bucket for your birthday!¡± Mrs. Moore seemed aghast at the idea. ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not expensive!¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°Even just a tall plastic bucket will do. I want to see if we can¡ª¡± ¡°We can get you a bucket, but not for your birthday!¡± Mrs. Moore seemed rattled. ¡°Can you just imagine it, a bucket, all wrapped up in wrapping paper on the table with a big pretty bow? What would everyone think?!¡± ¡°Oh, well you don¡¯t have to wrap it,¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°You can just¡ª¡± ¡°How ¡®bout we get you fixed up with a whole gardening set?¡± Mr. Moore proposed. ¡°Getcha some gloves, a little spade, trowel, garden rake¡ªyou name it.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know that I¡¯d use all of them,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°How about¡­ a bucket, some gardening gloves, and... three or four tomato cages?¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t we talk about ice cream?¡± Mrs. Moore suggested, rolling her eyes. ¡°You¡¯ve been talking about wanting yourself some ice cream for weeks. What kind did you have in mind?¡± ¡°I have been wanting ice cream,¡± Tabitha remembered with a dreamy smile. ¡°Very much so, yes.¡± Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! ¡°But what kind?¡± Mrs. Moore asked. ¡°All of the kinds!¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°I want all of the ice cream. All of it. Every kind. All of the ice cream.¡± Not favoring their chances at the local McDonald¡¯s soft serve machine being operational¡ªit had become rather infamous around town for never working¡ªMr. Moore instead steered his battered pickup into the parking lot of the Food Lion so that they could buy a small tub of ice cream to take home and enjoy. The air was crisp and cool, so the two parents strong-armed their daughter into wearing Mr. Moore¡¯s oversized hoodie overtop her dress and carefully guided her down off the cab¡¯s bench seat until her sneakers crunched down onto dry fall leaves. Being with her parents had felt restrictive and terrifying to her back in May, and Tabitha remembered feeling trapped by the loss of agency. As she linked arms with her mother and father to stride together down the rows of cars to enter the grocery store now, however, she simply felt happy. Sharing simple moments like this with her family wasn¡¯t reliving a fond memory¡ªit was treading new ground entirely. Tabitha wore a wry smile and couldn¡¯t help but wonder to herself if it really took such a bewildering series of traumatic events to get to here. I don¡¯t know if I can say it was worth it, exactly... but I AM glad to be here like this. Walking through Springton¡¯s Food Lion was one of those surreal experiences that always seemed to pointedly remind Tabitha that she really was in 1998. The overhead strips of fluorescent bulbs were bright, but were they as bright as supermarket lighting she remembered from the future? Were they dimmer by a few shades? As they slowly stepped down the aisles and Tabitha marveled at the tightly packed shelves of product with all of their outward-facing brand logos, the familiar brands were rendered unfamiliar in some strange, subtle and difficult-to-place way. It was hard not to think of the store and everything in it as a veritable time capsule collection of days gone by, and she couldn¡¯t help but search for things that stood out to her. Maybe the colors are different? Or, the font the different brands use have all changed over the years and I¡¯m not used to them like this? Maybe there¡¯s less fine print? Maybe not? As Louis said in Interview with a Vampire¡ªthe world changed, yet stayed the same. I guess this feeling really can¡¯t be described properly. There was a magical feeling in traipsing down the aisles with her parents¡ªafter all, this wasn¡¯t like waltzing through the grocery store from her childhood. It literally was the grocery store from her childhood. Just for today, a bit of that almost forgotten novelty and excitement had returned, the feel of being a kid again, where her parents just might be persuaded to buy her something really nice. After forty-some years of this, shopping would become the mundane; a matter of routine and nothing more. Tabitha was intent on cherishing this with every fiber of her being. The grocery store¡¯s selection of ice cream was arrayed behind glass doors in the frozen section, partially obscured by foggy condensation and a glittering of frost. The different depictions of ice cream on each of the little tubs looked more than absolutely delicious, they sang a sweet serenade to her very soul and every single one made her mouth water with excitement. The picture of scoops of butter pecan ice cream conjured into being every memory of the flavor, until she could almost taste the dessert on her tongue again. The soft green of the mint with chocolate chips made her want to sigh with appreciation, and the cookies n¡¯ creme likewise thrilled her with the simple possibility that she might be enjoying it soon. They even had bubblegum flavored ice cream¡ªbut, she hated that stuff. Some things just shouldn¡¯t have ever come to be. Science was a mistake. ¡°Lotta tough decisions,¡± Mr. Moore spoke up in amusement, seemingly having read her mind. ¡°You need any help there, Sweetie?¡± ¡°We can get more than one!¡± Mrs. Moore spoke up. ¡°We have room in the freezer.¡± ¡°This one,¡± Tabitha made her decision, swinging open the freezer door. ¡°If it¡¯s okay, I¡¯d like us to get this one.¡± Vanilla with peanut butter cup and fudge swirls; the paper tub was numbing cold in her good hand, and had more heft to it than she¡¯d expected. Is this... too much? ¡°Is that gonna be enough?¡± Mr. Moore asked. ¡°How much is it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s two dollars and thirty-nine cents,¡± Tabitha looked up with a pleading expression. She¡¯d forsaken the more expensive Breyer¡¯s and Ben & Jerry¡¯s in favor of Food Lion¡¯s cheaper generic brand ice cream, and it surely seemed like a good price by her modern sensibilities, but¡ª ¡°No no, I mean¡ªis that there gonna be enough ice cream for all of us, or should we get another tub or two?¡± ¡°I... thought you were just kidding about that,¡± Tabitha said, feeling stunned. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªum, it¡¯s a quart? Oh, a quart and half.¡± ¡°Pick another one, Honey,¡± Mrs. Moore encouraged. ¡°Grandma Laurie and the boys¡¯ll be there at home waiting for us, I¡¯m sure they could eat that whole tub in a single setting.¡± ¡°Oh!¡± Tabitha blushed, passing her father the tub of Vanilla with peanut butter cup and fudge swirls so that she wasn¡¯t awkwardly managing it with her hand that was still in a cast. ¡°Right. Okay.¡± She didn¡¯t know the boys¡¯ preferences for ice cream, so she played it safe and chose the combined vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry stripe of a neapolitan for them. ¡°I¡¯ve got forty dollars here, you go and get all the ice cream you want,¡± Mr. Moore said, gesturing across the freezer doors again. ¡°This is enough!¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°More than enough. This is just for tonight¡ªI don¡¯t want us to have any leftover, or to make this a habit. I want us to keep eating healthy, and then have ice cream only on very special occasions. To help keep ice cream sacred and special.¡± ¡°Sacred, just listen to her,¡± Mrs. Moore chuckled. The Moore family walked up to the nearest checkout counter to wait while the customer in front of them finished writing out a check. The nearby newsstand display featured a Time Magazine with the ominous text The Fall of Newt above the face of Newton Gingrich who was currently Speaker of the House of Representatives, almost prompting Tabitha to reach over and examine it. She paused for a moment, made a face, and finally withdrew her hand. Temptation was always greatest here, and she was both interested in what was going on in the wider world stage here in ¡®98... and repelled by the thought of getting caught up in constant thoughts about the timeline and her place in it. Definitely not tonight¡ª I just want to enjoy being a teenage girl tonight. I feel like I never got to do that the first time, so¡­ so this is fine, I can give all the serious thinking a rest for a bit longer. I¡¯m not ACTUALLY mentally regressing. Right? At least, I hope I¡¯m not. I mean, Mom and Dad certainly never cared about world events, so it¡¯s not like¡ª She turned to regard her parents for a moment, and did an immediate double-take, her mind completely blanking from whatever thought she¡¯d been having. Her parents were making out. What the actual fuck, Tabitha¡¯s eyes went wide and she felt disoriented for a moment, even double-checking to ensure that yes, these were in fact her parents. Alan and Shannon Moore didn¡¯t kiss, in her memory that wasn¡¯t something that would ever even happen behind closed doors¡ªlet alone in a shocking public display of affection here in a checkout line! They were parents, not horny teenagers! Their relationship was supposed to be completely platonic. She knew that, in theory, they had somehow conceived her into being, but that¡ªthat was in distant eons past! What the¡ªwhat the fuck, Tabitha quickly looked away, feeling shell-shocked and lightheaded. This is¡­ this is¡­ new? This never¡­ uh. What the fuck? When did¡­?! Studiously examining the texture of the checkout¡¯s conveyor belt and not daring to look up, Tabitha politely cleared her throat when the man in front of them finished and was walking away with his bags. They all shuffled forward, and Mr. Moore passed the tubs of ice cream over her shoulder and onto the counter. Okay. Okay, they¡¯re done. That was¡­ weird. ¡°Grandma Laurie¡¯s gonna kill us for getting the boys ice cream,¡± Tabitha¡¯s mother laughed, certainly sounding like she was in higher spirits all of the sudden. ¡°I really can¡¯t believe they finished off all that Halloween candy so fast.¡± ¡°Wait, what?!¡± Tabitha¡¯s head snapped back to her parents in consternation. ¡°They what?! They can¡¯t possibly have eaten all of that. There was so much! How long was I out of everything?! It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s just barely November, right?!¡± ¡°Honey... we weren¡¯t sure how to break it to you,¡± Mr. Moore said with a somber expression. ¡°It is November¡ªbut of 1999. You were zonked out for a whole year.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡ªthat can¡¯t be¡ª¡± Tabitha hurried to grab for the nearest magazine and then fumbled to find the publication date. ¡°It is not! It says right here 1998, I can¡¯t believe you would¡ªthat¡¯s not funny! That¡¯s not funny!¡± The Food Lion cashier couldn¡¯t help but give them an amused glance as he rung up the two tubs of ice cream, because both parents were laughing while their red-head daughter ineffectually swatted at them both with her one good hand. ¡°That¡¯s so not funny! I can¡¯t believe you would say that! I¡¯m gonna get you for that!¡±
They were welcomed home by Grandma Laurie and all four cousins, and for a while the trailer seemed like a madhouse of activity as the boys struggled to contain their excitement. Raised voices echoed throughout the living room despite their grandmother¡¯s attempts to get them to lower their volume, and if not for Mrs. Moore protectively hovering over Tabitha they would have crowded in and smothered her with questions and attention. ¡°Did you really die?¡± Joshua asked. ¡°We missed you, Tabitha!¡± Aiden exclaimed. ¡°Did you see a white tunnel to heaven?¡± ¡°It¡¯s white light, not white tunnel, doofus.¡± ¡°Does it still hurt? How hard did it hurt when you got hit?¡± ¡°Yeah how would there be a tunnel to heaven? It¡¯d be a tunnel only if it was to hell. Because hell¡¯s underground, like a thousand feet down.¡± ¡°Um¡­¡± Tabitha¡¯s body was feeling heavier and heavier and she was already looking for a place to sit down and rest with anticipation. ¡°You were on the news, Grammy got it on the new tape we bought. Do you want to see?¡± ¡°Can we see your stitches? How many stitches did you get?¡± ¡°We saved you some candy.¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªyou like Reeses, we saved all the Reeses!¡± ¡°All the rest is gone.¡± ¡°You... can¡¯t have possibly finished off the rest of that Halloween candy,¡± Tabitha said with an incredulous smile, carefully dropping herself down into the cushions of the chair beside the sofa. ¡°Even with four of you. There was so much!¡± ¡°We did.¡± ¡°Yeah, we did.¡± ¡°There wasn¡¯t even that much candy to begin with, honestly.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Josh ate most of it, I barely got any.¡± ¡°Liar. You took almost all the gum.¡± ¡°Yeah, but gum doesn¡¯t count. It¡¯s gum.¡± ¡°We went over to where the Taylors used to live and threw eggs at their back door!¡± ¡°Yeah, we threw eggs but they weren¡¯t even bad and rotten yet.¡± ¡°Yeah, but the policeman said they didn¡¯t even live there anymore.¡± ¡°Yeah, the grass wasn¡¯t even mowed.¡± ¡°We didn¡¯t even get in real trouble, though!¡± ¡°Do you want your shoes off? I can take your shoes off.¡± ¡°We¡¯re gonna find out where the Taylors went, and then¡ª¡± ¡°Ssshhh don¡¯t tell them that. We¡¯ll get in trouble.¡± ¡°Aiden stop, geez¡ªyou can untie the other one. I¡¯m untying this one. She has two shoes, idiot.¡± ¡°I know, duh.¡± ¡°Do you want a Reeses? Josh, go grab the candy we put in her room.¡± ¡°Boys, boys,¡± Grandma Laurie shooed them back to give Tabitha some space and grabbed Tabitha¡¯s left shoe out of Samuel¡¯s hand. ¡°Give her some air, for crying out loud, she can¡¯t get a word in. Why don¡¯t you boys go get the dinosaur you prepared for her?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a dinosaur, Grandma geez.¡± ¡°Right!¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± ¡°Sorry. Here¡¯s your other shoe.¡± The ¡®dinosaur¡¯ they had acquired for Tabitha in place of a bell to ring for assistance turned out to be a foot-tall square-jawed Godzilla toy from the American Godzilla movie that had premiered earlier that same year. When a small button on his chest was pressed, the iconic Godzilla roar would play, albeit in that tinny, distorted way that electronic sound effects built into cheap toys sounded back in 1998. Tabitha turned it over in her hands with a wry smile before looking up at her expectant cousins. ¡°Isn¡¯t it way betterer than a stupid bell?!¡± Joshua asked. ¡°It¡¯s way betterer.¡± ¡°Better,¡± Grandma Laurie corrected. ¡°Yeah, better.¡± ¡°Best.¡± ¡°Well¡ªthank you,¡± Tabitha paused, taking a moment to search for something appropriate to say. ¡°It¡¯s very¡­ um. Cool. Whenever I look at it, I¡¯ll definitely be reminded of you boys.¡± ¡°We just put in new batteries,¡± Sam said. ¡°It was the only toy we had that was loud enough.¡± ¡°Sometimes it just randomly roars though even if you don¡¯t push the button!¡± Nick added. ¡°Yeah, it does that all the time,¡± Aiden said. ¡°But, we put in new double-As!¡± ¡°Press it again, press it again!¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯ll¡­ thank you, cherish it,¡± Tabitha said with a weak smile, looking to her grandmother for help. ¡°Alright, alright, that¡¯s enough excitement for Tabby for one day!¡± Grandma Laurie began to corral the boys. ¡°She needs her rest. Tabby, just in case the batteries in that awful thing die out, there¡¯s a tiny little hand bell in beside your bed. You give your father a ring and he¡¯ll come wait on you hand and foot. Won¡¯t you, Alan?¡± ¡°Hand and foot,¡± Mr. Moore nodded. ¡°Room service for Tabitha.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t use the bell¡ªthat¡¯s lame!¡± Aiden protested. ¡°This is Godzilla!¡± ¡°Thank you for everything, Grandma,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You too, boys.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t come out to see you when you were cooped up in the hospital,¡± Grandma Laurie sighed. ¡°The boys have been a handful here, and you¡¯ve been getting a lot of calls. You even have a few letters, I set them in on your dresser. You go in and lay down, we¡¯ll be back by here to see you tomorrow. Love you, Sweetie!¡± ¡°I love you,¡± Tabitha gave her grandmother a hug and accepted a kiss on the forehead. ¡°Get some rest¡ªyou look dead on your feet, girl.¡± ¡°Well, wait¡ªwe did buy a bunch of ice cream for everyone,¡± Mr. Moore reminded Tabitha. ¡°Ice cream?!!¡± ¡°Ice cream! We get ice cream!¡± ¡°Wait what kind?¡± ¡°Ssh, who cares, it¡¯s ice cream.¡± ¡°Shush, you hooligans!¡± Grandma Laurie barked, giving Tabitha a look of concern. ¡°Do you want to have some ice cream now, or do you want to wait and we¡¯ll have an ice cream party tomorrow? You look like you¡¯re slippin¡¯ in and out, Honey.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha gave the boys an apologetic wince. ¡°I think that¡­ why don¡¯t we have an ice cream party tomorrow? Sorry, everyone.¡± Despite her earlier enthusiasm to celebrate her freedom, Tabitha indeed found her energy was already flagging in a big way. It seemed silly to her to look forward to a serious nap after spending so long in a hospital bed, but there was something incredibly alluring about being able to tuck into the comfort and privacy of her own bed, in her own room. Simply being home was a relief all in its own. After saying her goodbyes and seeing her Grandmother and cousins out the door, the mobile home filled with peaceful silence and the call of cozy blankets beckoned to her. Tabitha passed the Godzilla toy to her mother with a wry smile and carefully crept down the hallway towards her room, keeping one hand on the wall for balance. Tabitha¡¯s room was quiet and still, and in her absence someone had tidied up and neatly made her bed. The forgotten yellow Flounder stuffed animal rested on her dresser, and her Ariel costume hung from a hanger in front of the mirror. Tabitha traced her fingertips down across the outfit in surprise¡ªshe hadn¡¯t expected to see it again. The dress was intact, but as she examined more closely she found several new seams and lines of stitches where panels of fabric had clearly been replaced. Of course, I was wearing it that night¡ªparamedics must have cut it apart, Tabitha surmised. Grandma, you didn¡¯t have to put it all back together¡­ A large pile of individually-wrapped Reeses peanut butter cups from the boys¡¯ candy stash was sitting atop some mail on her dresser like a heap of treasure. Some of the half-buried envelopes had that squarish look that signified they might be Get Well cards, while others were rectangular and suggested people had actually written her. Tabitha was very interested in going through them, but the slowly-mounting exhaustion won out and she stepped over to sit heavily on her bed. Home. Finally home. She sleepily struggled out of her new dress, half-heartedly folded the garment, and managed to land it on her dresser on her first toss¡ªher bedroom was tiny. Tabitha tugged back the covers, slipped her bare legs in along the clean linen, distractedly combed her hair back from her face, and then gingerly rested her head down on the pillow so that she wasn¡¯t laying on her stitches. Tabitha let out a long, slow breath, and was asleep in moments, with the faint roar of Godzilla out in the living room not even able to rouse her. 33: Getting the big news. This place doesn¡¯t have to be trashy, Tabitha thought as she knelt on the edge of the street, picking pieces of garbage out of the weeds and tucking them into the plastic bag by her knees. Wearing a pair of jeans over her flannel pajamas and bundled up again in her father¡¯s oversized sweatshirt, Tabitha¡¯s efforts began just outside the steps of her trailer in their sparse yard, where she filled a little grocery bag up with weeds as she painstakingly tugged them up one by one. It hadn¡¯t been easy¡ªeach stubborn thing had to be pried from the cold, hard ground and often simply trying to pull them up with her fingers rewarded her with only a fistful of ripped out plant matter, while the actual root of the weed remained firmly planted and unyielding. Tabitha didn¡¯t have a spade yet, but she did discover a forgotten and somewhat rusty flathead screwdriver in the shed when she was pulling out bricks to examine. Stabbing and scraping into the frigid November soil saw many of the weeds destroyed, and the ones that weren¡¯t were certain to have a terrible winter. Nothing was really growing this late in the year, but Mr. Moore had been remiss in keeping up with the yardwork throughout fall and then apparently content to leave things be through the winter. The sentiment was reflected throughout the entire neighborhood of the lower park, which made it difficult to fault her father for it. Any casual glance at the lots just on either side of them or across the street showed the same trifecta of scraggly undergrowth, littered garbage and random ugly bald patches of bare earth that stood out. The Moores didn¡¯t have a bad yard, in her opinion¡ªit was simply neglected. Neglect characterized the state of the entire trailer park, and to an extent the people who made their homes here. The relationship between a person¡¯s state of mind and their immediate environment was interlinked in a lot of ways. Cleaning out the inside of their trailer those months ago had done wonders for her. I don¡¯t have to be trailer trash! This can just be a¡­ you know, a community of manufactured homes. It doesn¡¯t HAVE to be trashy. I don¡¯t know how things even got this bad around here, but like with me¡­ with just a little bit of work, things can be better. Tabitha gritted her teeth as she fished out a piece of trash¡ªa soiled bit of cloth from something or other¡ªand gingerly dropped it into her bag. She wasn¡¯t sure if it had been someone¡¯s discarded shirt left out by the side of the road for who knows how long or what, and in truth didn¡¯t find herself keen on investigating further. I don¡¯t think I can clean up the entire park, though, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but grimace at the prospect. Probably? Or, maybe I can, just yard by yard? Yep, that¡¯s me, community service volunteer groundskeeping and maintenance for Sunset Estates! I¡¯m gonna go stir-crazy cooped up inside and I want to DO something¡ªit might as well be something productive. Right? Unfortunately, as she¡¯d expected in recovering from an operation Tabitha found her energy quickly flagged. She had the drive and she had the motivation to do things, but there just wasn¡¯t enough in her tank right now; she was coasting on fumes. Before she¡¯d even finished weeding around to the other side of the trailer, she found herself feeling listless and more often than not simply crouched in the cold, staring across their small and somewhat ugly plot of grass. Ughhh, or maybe not, I guess? Tabitha wanted to take it upon herself to make a difference, but her enthusiasm was at a deadlock with her exhaustion. With a long, slow sigh that became visible vapor in the air before her, she resumed her thankless task, this time moving slowly and with more deliberation to each of her movements. For the next half hour she hunkered down at the edge of their side of the little road in front of each of her neighbor¡¯s mobile homes, slowly filling up a second little shopping bag with trash. Tabitha¡¯s broken hand remained tucked into the front pocket of her father¡¯s sweatshirt, but her free glove found cigarette butts¡ªso many cigarette butts¡ªalong with unidentifiable scraps of mushy paper that may have once been fast food cardboard of some kind. A few smelly discarded beer cans had been crumpled and forgotten, and twisted bits of wire that looked to have been the frame of one of those campaign signs people plant in front of their house¡ªthe sign itself was long gone. Creeping along the length of yards beside the street she retrieved pebble-sized chunks of broken glass, pages of junk mail advertisements that had been left out in the weather, and dozens of tiny bits of blue plastic she couldn¡¯t quite place. Until she discovered a blue action figure leg, the rest of the toy having been apparently abandoned to be run over by cars, smashed and forgotten. There were small pieces of metal. Splintered chunks of wood that must have broken off of someone¡¯s porch steps, with a scrap of outdoor carpeting still tacked to them. A mashed and rotting styrofoam takeout container, leaking bright orange fluid she hypothesized might have been hot sauce from someone¡¯s order of wings. A broken disposable medical syringe that Tabitha refused to touch, instead gingerly scraping it into the mouth of her collection bag with one of the moldering pieces of discarded mail. Another beer can. Two more beer cans. More cigarette butts, so many cigarette butts, the soggy stubs of mushy paper were so ever-present throughout the wild crabgrass that one could be led to believe the things grew from the unwelcome vegetation. Progress was slow, but less because the task was difficult, and more simply because Tabitha was taking her time and pacing herself in a methodical manner. Cleaning up the area wasn¡¯t fun or pleasant, but it was rewarding in a certain sense¡ªshe felt like she was accomplishing something. She¡¯d craved that in her time spent recovering in the hospital ward, and finally she could do something and feel productive again. There was something inherently satisfying in the weight of the plastic bag as she crept her way along and filled it with plant matter, garbage, and the miscellaneous trailer park curiosities that painted low income Americana in colorful strokes. The weight of her bag represented her determination, and glancing back across the stretch of street to compare their little yard against the neighbors, it did look a lot better. Not by much, but you CAN tell if you¡¯re looking, Tabitha decided with a faint smile. Every little bit helps! Every little bit contributes. In some small way. When her ears were stinging from the cold, Tabitha finally¡ªcarefully¡ªstood back up, stretching her back and releasing a huff of contentment, her breath still visible in the air. She hadn¡¯t finished the area¡ªnot quite¡ªbut a good deal of the lots on their side of the street were tidied up, and her second bag was almost full to the brim. She¡¯d balked before at being told she was only allowed to take baths instead of showers, but now after even just some forty or so minutes here out in the chill, taking a nice warm soak right now sounded positively decadent. Tabitha trudged the short distance back home, weary and feeling hollow but at the very least not discouraged. She¡¯d made visible progress at something, and now when she rested for the rest of the day it would feel earned. I think that¡¯s what I really needed. ¡°Momma?¡± Tabitha called out immediately upon returning to the heat inside the trailer. ¡°I¡¯m gonna take a bath in a bit to warm up¡ªwould you take a quick little look with me outside, first? I did a bit of weeding and tidying up. I want to show you.¡± ¡°Is that what you were up to out here?!¡± Mrs. Moore asked. ¡°Peeked out to check on you earlier and couldn¡¯t figure out what on God¡¯s green earth you were up to. Tabitha, you can¡¯t clean up the entire neighborhood.¡± ¡°If I don¡¯t, then who will?¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Tabitha¡­¡± her mother warned. ¡°I know you mean well, but what if our neighbors don¡¯t appreciate you poking around their private property?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure some of them won¡¯t,¡± Tabitha said with a wry smile, before dropping her voice down into a low, gravelly range. ¡°This is MY pile of garbage, asshole. Back off!¡± ¡°You watch your mouth,¡± Mrs. Moore said, but she was rolling her eyes and wore an exasperated smile. They had resumed practice sessions where Tabitha attempted to act, and although she didn¡¯t have much natural talent for expressing mannerisms or controlling her facial expressions, Tabitha did have a knack for creating natural-seeming personas and staying in character. She was cheating, somewhat, in that she had sixty years of experience to draw from and therefore quite a range of memorable personalities from future films, shows, podcasts, and even memes to draw from. For the most part Tabitha would either attempt to portray an impersonation or spin her own little distinctive character up on the fly, and her mother would critique her performance and teach her specific ways to improve. I just need to be careful to never ever do it around Alicia, because she¡¯ll probably be able to catch me quoting something familiar, Tabitha thought. Or, wait¡ªmaybe that¡¯s even more of a reason to do it? ¡°Tabitha¡ªI know you¡¯ve been bored these past few days, but I¡¯d much rather you were here inside writing your book thingamajig while you recover. You¡¯re liable to catch a cold out there!¡± ¡°It¡¯s just in our little area,¡± Tabitha said with a faint smile. ¡°I didn¡¯t go far, and I paced myself and stopped as soon as I felt like it was time to stop. I really just¡­ want everything to be a little nicer. And, I have the time. I have nothing but time, right now.¡± With some motherly consternation that Tabitha found surprisingly pleasant in comparison to their bitter quarreling earlier in the year, Mrs. Moore fussed over her daughter¡¯s winter attire for a few moments before consenting to allow Tabitha back outside. The woman¡¯s efforts still seemed silly to Tabitha after having been out there and left to her own devices for so long, but it was honestly a good kind of silly. In the early morning today, she¡¯d begged for permission to spend some time out getting fresh air without being under strict supervision. Only her exemplary behavior in the days following her return home had given cause for her mother to finally relent. Tabitha had been forced to promise not to push herself too hard or do anything outrageous like stroll around on her normal exercise loop around the neighborhood. In hindsight, Tabitha thought she could have probably snuck away to enjoy a long peaceful walk instead of how she¡¯d spent her morning. Weeding was probably even more strenuous! But¡ªI didn¡¯t go on a light jog, or even a power walk for some exercise, Tabitha mused to herself as Mrs. Moore finally found a scarf for her to wear. Before, I would have. With the way things were between Mom and me. ¡°Tabitha Anne Moore, just you look at this¡ªyour cheeks are completely red, you¡¯re practically frozen!¡± ¡°That¡¯s just the honey glow in my cheeks!¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°Oh, you think you¡¯re so funny,¡± Mrs. Moore tightened the scarf around her daughter with a good-natured grumble. ¡°You¡¯re a real comedian.¡± I wasn¡¯t REBELLIOUS or striking out against her authority or anything¡ªjust, I didn¡¯t care to obey. Her words didn¡¯t use to mean anything, we didn¡¯t have this, this... trust. Now, it¡¯s like just because I know she cares, it MEANS something. It meant I wouldn¡¯t just go on my exercise loop anyways, even if I really, really want to be getting back into things. Shannon Moore donned a shabby old winter blazer herself and then made sure to hold Tabitha¡¯s hand as they opened the door and went down the steps. Being bundled up at this point seemed like a quintessential too little, too late gesture, but it was a gesture all the same and Tabitha was rapidly discovering that ever since the evening of trick-or-treating¡ªor maybe even a little before that¡ªshe absolutely loved any indication of appreciation or heartfelt care her parents had in them to express. It felt childish and embarrassing to have gone from her fierce push for stoic independence back in May to now desperately craving any attention her parents had to spare, but Tabitha couldn¡¯t help it. This is just the way my feelings are, now, Tabitha told herself as she eagerly guided her mother to the middle of the street so that she could see all that she¡¯d gotten done. It¡¯s not mental regression, it¡¯s¡­ emotional growth. Right? Whatever, I¡¯m thirteen for now¡ªI¡¯m allowed to act like it! ¡°Well, it does look very nice,¡± Mrs. Moore sighed as she surveyed the now slightly cleaner trailer park and clucked her tongue. ¡°And, I¡¯m proud of you. But, I didn¡¯t think you¡¯d be getting up to all this out here for so long¡ªit¡¯s always something with you¡ªand I don¡¯t want you out here toiling away in the cold, or thinking any of this is your responsibility. Your only responsibility is getting your rest and recovering.¡± ¡°Kneeling down and picking things up isn¡¯t exactly toiling,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I think it¡¯s just about all I can do with how woozy I feel still.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªif you¡¯re feeling woozy, then we¡¯re getting you inside and right into the tub!¡± Mrs. Moore frowned. ¡°Look at you, you¡¯re practically turning blue!¡± ¡°Mom. It¡¯s forty-three degrees,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes like the teenage girl she currently was. It was even more fun than she expected. ¡°In Canada, they still wear shorts and tee shirts in this kind of weather.¡± ¡°Well, this isn¡¯t Canada, it¡¯s America!¡± Mrs. Moore fumed, giving Tabitha a gentle swat. ¡°You get your butt right back inside this instant!¡± ¡°Yes, Momma.¡±
Her long soak in the bath was every bit as decadent as she imagined, and Tabitha nearly dozed off as she reclined back in the tub. The warmth of the water stung at first, but after a few minutes the heat permeated through her skin and seemed to soften up the chill from her muscles until she was positively basking in the steaming bathwater. Adding a folded water-soaked towel to help cushion her back against the less forgiving angle of their mobile home tub helped her relax, and she kept her left hand up resting on the lip of the basin, the plastic bag from a delivered newspaper affixed over her cast with a rubber band. In the entirety of her past life, Tabitha had only taken a handful of actual baths, instead preferring the expediency of standing up for a shower to wash her hair and scrub herself. As someone who¡¯d been ashamed and disgusted of her own body for most of her life, she¡¯d always tried to see as little of it as possible. That had changed in a big way with her dramatic weight loss here, and Tabitha enjoyed seeing herself naked more than she wanted to admit. The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. Never quite got to getting a COMPLETELY trim stomach with visible abs, or anything, Tabitha thought as she inspected her tummy. But, I was definitely getting there. Before the big setback. My arms are still looking great, my legs look pretty amazing. I never really appreciated toned and athletic legs, until I got myself a pair. I¡¯ve already tried shaving them a few times, it¡¯s not so bad. Just kind of tedious. Maybe this Spring I¡¯ll start experimenting with showing them off a bit? Shorts, maybe. I¡¯m not ready for skirts, no way. Her boobs? They were still there. Existing. She didn¡¯t know what to do with them. Sometimes she would stare at them in the mirror¡ªthey were a curiosity, and Tabitha was never completely sure how she felt about them, or how they looked. Sometimes, their shape looked surprisingly nice, sometimes they just seemed completely foreign and weird, and there were also many times she just wished she simply didn¡¯t have them or have to deal with fitting them into bras. They were probably around the same size as they had been in her first life, maybe even a little smaller, but with the majority of her body fat sloughed off of her frame to drastically change her figure, these oddities now seemed proportionately much, much larger than she was used to. For as much as I hated being the invisible fat girl last time through, going to high school this time, as a slender teenage girl¡ªone with BREASTS? Absolutely mortifying, at times. Too many times. Whew boy, was I not ready for that. At all. Freshman boys weren¡¯t careful about where their eyes went, and that level of even accidental, um. SCRUTINY. Wasn¡¯t something I was prepared for. Honestly I¡¯d always thought the ¡®hey, my eyes are up here¡¯ thing was a joke, or a flex, or something. IT¡¯S NOT. I wouldn¡¯t mind being thought of as attractive! The PRETTY girl. That¡¯d be kinda nice. Or, so I thought. Actually getting THAT level of attention right off the bat from the first day wasn¡¯t something I knew how to deal with, at all. That definitely impacted my initial plans to socialize and be normal... and instead had me hiding away in the library for that first few weeks. Maybe something I should talk about with Elena? To date she¡¯d had little conversation about her breasts in this life, so far really only with Grandma Laurie when they were trying out different dresses to turn into blouses for her. Well, even calling them conversations might be a stretch, as they¡¯d consisted entirely of an embarrassed Tabitha just shaking her head and looking completely mortified each time a too-revealing design was offered. Much to her grandmother¡¯s amusement. Tabitha wore a wistful smile at the memory, idly plunking a fingertip down across the surface of the water in repetition just to hear the noise it made. There were so many strange moments like that that she was growing to appreciate more and more. After she was all grown up those situations just didn¡¯t really happen. She¡¯d been worrying for the past few weeks over mental regression, or even brain damage, and whether or not her mind was actually reverting back to that of a pubescent teenage girl, but if she really was¡ªso what? The added perspective of a lonely and miserable adult life seemed to only serve to make all the experiences of growing up this time more and more intoxicating to her. These happy times with everyone probably weren¡¯t going to last forever, and she needed to make the most of them. After relaxing in the bath until her fingertips were pruny and the water became only lukewarm, Tabitha finally decided it was time to get out. She toweled herself off, then brushed her hair with care¡ªleaning in towards the mirror to examine the stitches along the side of her head as she did so. A little time was spent checking herself out naked in the mirror, turning this way and that. In her own admittedly biased opinion, she simultaneously looked lovely and gross. Her features were pleasing, and her body had a form that was pretty nice to look at, but what had previously just been pale was now a ghastly white. She could see her veins in too many places, there were all sorts of bruises and weird marks, and parting her hair in the different way to make sure it covered the shaved part of her head made her look a little weird. But, still. Mom¡¯s right¡ªa lot of beauty isn¡¯t really in any of those things, Tabitha tried to turn her hesitant smile into a beaming one in the mirror. So far, it was still awkward. It¡¯s in the eyes, it¡¯s in the way I need to carry myself. My body language and my posture and the amount of attention I put into my expressions. I¡¯d heard of having ¡®resting bitch-face,¡¯ but what I¡¯ve had until now was honestly ¡®resting BLANK-FACE.¡¯ Now Mom has me learning to let myself emote more, and that sort of confidence won¡¯t come naturally, not at first. You have to grow into that. I¡¯m growing into it for the first time, and she¡¯s learning how to come back to it. And we¡¯re doing it together, which is even more important. Tabitha stepped out of the bathroom and padded down the short trailer hallway into her room. She dressed in new pajamas, climbed into bed where she could protect that glow of warmth from her bath under winter blankets, and hugged her pillow against herself so that she was completely cozy. She¡¯d earned this nap.
¡°Honey¡­ I have something important I want to talk about with you,¡± Mrs. Moore said with a nervous expression, letting her spoon clink against the porcelain of her teacup. ¡°I have something important, too!¡± Tabitha revealed, easing her own teacup and saucer back so that she could slide her notebook in from where it had been off to the side. It was now late evening, and the mother and daughter were finishing off the remaining ice cream together at the dining room table. At Tabitha¡¯s insistence, they only enjoyed dessert from these tiny teacups normally buried in the back of a box in the closet, both because it kept their portion size down to very small increments, and because Grandma Laurie¡¯s old tea set was dainty and cute. ¡°Well, in that case¡ªyou go on,¡± her mother insisted. ¡°You go first.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha tried not to give her mother a wary look. ¡°I think I¡¯ve more or less finalized what I want my story to be, and¡ªI want you to read it. My goblin story that I¡¯ve been working on all this time.¡± She pushed the notebook across the table towards her mother. ¡°Are you sure?¡± Mrs. Moore accepted the binder and then hefted it up gingerly in her hands. ¡°I know when you got this back from that woman from the school board, you mentioned that this was very¡­ personal.¡± ¡°It is,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I¡¯ve been wanting to share it with you because of that. For months. Just, it never all quite felt ready until now. I¡¯m really dying to know what you think of it¡ªin how it pertains to me and my life, and just as a story on its own. Right now, this is like how your blue album is for you, but for me.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°I have been very... curious.¡± ¡°Just, please promise me you¡¯ll let me know what you think,¡± Tabitha pleaded. ¡°Like, don¡¯t even wait until you¡¯re through the whole thing, give me all the feedback you have, whenever it pops into your mind. About any of it. Anything.¡± ¡°Okay, okay,¡± Mrs. Moore chuckled. ¡°I will.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha let out a breath she didn¡¯t realize she¡¯d been holding in. ¡°Thank you. Now, it¡¯s your turn¡ªwhat did you want to say?¡± ¡°Tabitha, I¡¯ve¡­ I¡¯ve been meaning to have a big talk with you,¡± Mrs. Moore said after a long moment of hesitation. The plump woman fidgeted, taking the stem of her spoon pointing up out of her teacup and fiddling with it. ¡°Now that you¡¯re home, and things are¡­ getting back to normal. Somewhat. For our family. We¡¯d been waiting to tell you some big news, and¡­ and your father¡¯s been a big baby about it, since he doesn¡¯t know how to talk to you about this, and I don¡¯t either so I¡¯m just going to come out and say it. Because I want you to know.¡± ¡°Okay...¡± Tabitha said, giving her mother a curious look and feeling herself fill with tension all over again. ¡°I¡¯m listening. What is it?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore paused. ¡°You¡¯re... going to be a big sister.¡± Tabitha froze, staring across the table at her mother in disbelief. ¡°I¡¯m going to be¡­ a big sister?¡± ¡°Yes, honey.¡± ¡°I¡¯m... going to be a big sister,¡± Tabitha repeated with a blank look. ¡°You¡¯re¡ªwhat, you¡¯re having a baby? You¡¯re having a baby?!¡± ¡°Yes, honey.¡± Shock didn¡¯t quite begin to describe what she was feeling¡ªher mother having another child was impossible, it had never happened before and could in no way conceivably happen now. Her parents couldn¡¯t have sex. It was a series of concepts that didn¡¯t fit together in any way, shape, or form. Suspension of disbelief was broken forever. What the fuck. What the fuck. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ having a baby?¡± Tabitha said again. ¡°Are you sure?¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯m very sure,¡± Mrs. Moore let out a nervous chuckle. ¡°I was just as surprised as you are!¡± Somehow¡­ I doubt that, Tabitha took a deep breath and raised her good hand to her forehead as she frantically tried to think. This is¡­ this came about from my actions, somehow. Somehow. Changes have consequences. Jesuuus do they ever have consequences. Mom¡¯s lost weight. No, not even just the weight¡ªher mentality has changed. A lot. I guess I didn¡¯t even realize how much until Halloween. Last lifetime, she was just totally swollen up with self-loathing and bitchiness and petty spite and she¡¯s been gradually¡­ deflating from that. Her and Dad are a lot more, um. They¡¯re... I mean, I knew Mom and Dad weren¡¯t really usually, uh, TRADITIONALLY INTIMATE, not for a long time I guess, so I just assumed they were always going to stay that way. Big psychological blind spot, and¡ªyeah I don¡¯t even want to think about it now, either. Ever. Ew. EW EW EW. But. She¡¯s having a baby. A BABY. I¡¯M GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER. Not just a cool older cousin, A BIG SISTER. That¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s¡ªthis is completely different. Who¡¯d have ever even thought? I mean, sure yeah she was super young when she had me, but isn¡¯t a thirteen year difference in siblings pretty¡ª ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Moore sounded worried. ¡°Sorry, um,¡± Tabitha floundered for words. ¡°This is just¡­ you¡¯re really sure?¡± ¡°I¡¯m really sure,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded. ¡°Okay. Okay,¡± Tabitha breathed, taking the initiative to reach across the table and clasp her mother¡¯s hand before the nervous parent could grow any more uneasy. ¡°This¡­ this changes everything. What are we going to do? Are we moving to a bigger place? What are we going to do?!¡± ¡°Whatever you want to do,¡± Mrs. Moore said, squeezing Tabitha¡¯s hand. ¡°We have settlement money coming in¡ªthe Seelbaughs helped with that. Everyone did. But, that¡¯s, it¡¯s your money, for your future. Your father wanted to set up a college fund for you, but¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to college,¡± Tabitha shook her head as she disengaged. ¡°I have¡ªwell I had¡ªother plans. Not college.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Moore agreed. ¡°Whatever you want. The money¡ªit¡¯s a lot of money, Tabby Honey. If you want us to move, we¡¯ll move. If you want to go to school in a different district, we¡¯ll do that. Whatever you want to do, we¡¯ll make it happen. I was just¡ªwe were just, we don¡¯t want to pressure you, or make you think you need to make any big decisions when¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯re staying here,¡± Tabitha decided immediately. ¡°I want a few thousand dollars for immediate expenses, and the rest kept available for me to invest in stocks in the next several years.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fine,¡± Mrs. Moore assured her. ¡°Investing is smart! If that¡¯s what you want to do, that¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Can Dad take some time off from work?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°There¡¯s so much for us to do. I¡¯ll pay to get Uncle Danny¡¯s Oldsmobile hauled to the junkyard, we don¡¯t have space for it. I¡¯d like you to call the management of Sunset Estates and get them to approve some changes to the property, and I¡¯ll need someone to take me to Springton town hall so we can file for a construction permit. For just a few thousand dollars, we can get a simple deck add-on built and covered and turned into an extension of the trailer. The Jamesons down the street did it, super cheap way of adding an extra room, and we need¡ª¡± ¡°The Jamesons added a room onto their trailer?¡± Mrs. Moore looked up in surprise, leaning forward at the table slightly to cast a look out the window and down the darkened street. ¡°When?¡± ¡°Err¡ªno,¡± Tabitha carefully winced, clamping her mouth closed for a second. ¡°They, uh, they will, though, they were talking about getting it done. I think maybe they¡¯ve done it before, somewhere else? They sounded very, um, it¡¯s a pretty certain thing. Just trust me.¡± ¡°When have you spoken to the Jamesons?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, giving her daughter a doubtful look. ¡°You were in the hospital for¡ª¡± ¡°Before that! I talked to people, sometimes, back when I did my morning runs,¡± Tabitha said quickly. ¡°I know Mike and his family, kind of. And others. Some people were, um, up and about early in the mornings back when I did my morning routine. Basically.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°Anyways, we need permits first, and we need them fast, before it gets any colder. I think I¡¯d like to get a little fence around our lot as well¡ªif memory serves Sunshine Estates used to let the Upper Park homes have fences. We can get it installed, and then if we plant some thuja green or leyland cypress now, we¡¯ll have several feet of privacy shrub coming up by the time the baby¡¯s here. If we need the roof sealed, any flooring or windows or electrical replaced, I want you and Dad to tell me now so we can get it done sooner rather than later. We¡¯ll have our hands full when he¡ªor she¡ªis born, and I don¡¯t want us putting anything off.¡± ¡°Tabitha honey¡ªdo you think it¡¯s wise sinkin¡¯ more money into the trailer instead of us just up and finding a better place to live?¡± ¡°Yes, and no,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°I¡¯ll do some more research for a more thorough cost-benefit analysis, but the key to take away from this, is that settlement money is just a one-time windfall. Our actual flow of income isn¡¯t changing, so when you consider¡ª¡± ¡°Okay, okay!¡± Mrs. Moore chuckled, holding up her free hand in defeat. ¡°It¡¯s your money right now, anyways. Whatever you want to do with it is fine. Just, please sit down and have a talk with us about everything first, some of these things¡ªwell, like taking your uncle Danny¡¯s car to the junkyard. We wouldn¡¯t have to pay for that. The junkyard would pay us for however much in parts it¡¯s worth. If you want it gone, we can get it gone, we won¡¯t waste any of your money on it.¡± ¡°Right. Right,¡± Tabitha laughed to herself. ¡°Guess I forgot what¡ªuh, what kind of times we live in here. Of course they¡¯d pay us¡ªthey can still use the scrap. In these times.¡± ¡°...Yes?¡± Mrs. Moore said with an unsure laugh. ¡°Of course they can?¡± ¡°I was just thinking, in the long view, where the automotive salvage industry will someday have to deal with¡ªno, you know what? It doesn¡¯t matter. You¡¯re having a baby. I¡¯m going to be a big sister! There¡¯s so many more important things to think about, right now!¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re excited?¡± Mrs. Moore asked. ¡°Of course I am!¡± Tabitha gave her mother a quizzical smile. ¡°Why would you think I wouldn¡¯t be?¡± ¡°Just, with the, um. Timing, of everything that¡¯s happened,¡± Mrs. Moore said with a difficult expression. ¡°We weren¡¯t sure how you¡¯d feel about it, or if you¡¯d feel that we were trying to replace you, or¡ª¡± ¡°Wouldn¡¯t even blame you if that was the case, and I know it¡¯s not,¡± Tabitha squeezed her mother¡¯s hand again in a show of support. ¡°Honestly, this might be the best news I¡¯ve gotten in a long, long long long time. Thank you. I needed this right now.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s a relief, then,¡± Mrs. Moore smiled. ¡°Also, I¡¯ll need both of you parents really distracted with something for a couple years,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°My late teenage years are going to be super suspicious. So, this is perfect!¡± ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t even know how to respond to that,¡± Tabitha¡¯s mother laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. Mom, I¡¯m actually Tabitha from the future, Tabitha thought with a small smile. I came back in time. I¡¯m just gonna keep layin¡¯ down this breadcrumb trail of not-so-subtle slips and misspoken words until you can get to wondering, and HOPEFULLY maybe more receptive to the truth, someday. This is what I should have done with Alicia and Elena. It¡¯s just¡ªfrustrating. And, I¡¯m still a terrible actress. Maybe that¡¯ll make it stand out even more to you? ¡°You know, you haven¡¯t even asked how big the settlements were,¡± Mrs. Moore chuckled. ¡°I haven¡¯t,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯ve just been really focused on, you know, enjoying the fact that I¡¯m still alive. Which is great just by itself! Why, how much was the settlement?¡± ¡°Settlements,¡± Mrs. Moore corrected her with a smile. ¡°Plural! Don¡¯t forget about that Thompson boy and what he did! And, in light of the near medical diagnosis mishap and some people being thrown under the proverbial bus, the fees for your surgical procedure and hospital stay have become... very agreeable. The law offices of Seelbaugh and Straub¡ªyour friend Elena¡¯s father, he¡¯s apparently a very scary man. Having the police and the school board behind you here in town is support that runs deeper than you know. Things have been¡­ surprising.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been very lucky, and very unlucky,¡± Tabitha said, taking a deep breath. ¡°I think that¡¯s just how things are going to be, from now on. With little in-between. How much do the settlements come out to in the end?¡± Mrs. Moore told her the number, and Tabitha felt her eyes go wide as the teacups full of melting ice cream, the table, her mother across from her and their quaintly furnished mobile home around her all suddenly felt distant and unreal. Uhhh. Okay, wow. My conservative guesstimation was off by an entire zero. Wow, just¡­ wow. Holy fucking shit. THAT much, in 1998? 34: The music just right for Elena. ¡°Well?! What did you think?¡± Ziggy asked, leaning in close over the Hot Topic counter. ¡°How many of them did you get through?¡± This was Elena¡¯s fourth visit to the dark haunt of Fairfield Mall¡¯s Hot Topic store, and in essence this trip was solidifying her shaky friendship with Ziggy, the mall¡¯s other resident goth chick. Conversing with the older teen was still awkward for Elena, both because of the five-year gap in their ages, and because crossing the boundary between customer and employee like this just felt weird. Ziggy had seemed eager to connect with her ever since she¡¯d come back with her dyed hair and Hot Topic apparel, and Elena definitely also had mixed feelings about that. ¡°I listened to all of them,¡± Elena said, setting the borrowed plastic cassette cases on the surface between them. ¡°But¡­ I don¡¯t know if any of it¡¯s for me.¡± Rather than starting to feel more comfortable in her gothic persona, Elena was beginning to feel like this part of her life was just an unbearable ongoing identity crisis. She was stubborn enough that she refused to see it as a passing phase, but there was just something big and important missing here, and it was honestly making her unhappy. The other day after school she¡¯d been laying in bed and simply started crying because she realized she was sad¡ªthat wasn¡¯t normal. Things had been fine at first, because there had been a dramatic makeover into the new subculture fashion. Setting herself up in diametric opposition to the preppy girls she despised like her former friend Carrie and¡­ yes, her own former self, all of that felt right. But, shortly after that, everything seemed to fall apart because there wasn¡¯t a plan. There weren¡¯t really any other goths at Springton High, there was no one to socialize with, and as cool as the loner aesthetic she¡¯d built up was, it was also, well, lonely. As difficult as it was to admit, Elena wasn¡¯t sure she was equipped to deal with that. In the gothic poetry she¡¯d started writing she described her previous self, the old Elena as being full of petty ambition. It was objectively true no matter which way she considered it¡ªbut, once she¡¯d decided to set aside those petty ambitions¡ªthen what? What was she supposed to do with herself now? Goth culture existed as a complete outlier to the social hierarchies she was familiar with climbing. Elena was the coolest goth girl in school and also the only goth girl there. It felt like no matter how much work she put into assembling the perfect Hot Topic look and how carefully she did her new style of makeup, her victories would remain hollow and ultimately pointless. Am I just SUPPOSED to be sad? Elena wondered. All the time? I feel like gothic culture has a lot of merit in the alternative way they¡ªno, the way WE¡ªexpress ourselves, but also¡­ I really don¡¯t fucking want to be unhappy and alone and crying by myself all the time. I can¡¯t stand it. What do I even DO from here? ¡°Really?¡± Ziggy seemed incredulous. ¡°Nirvana didn¡¯t do anything for you? Pearl Jam? Soundgarden?¡± Elena had at first been hesitant to interrupt the girl¡¯s work, but then Ziggy also made a point to be as unprofessional as she could get away with while on the clock, to ¡®express her rebellious individuality¡¯ and ¡®stick it to the man.¡¯ It certainly helped that the store owner Mr. Gary was her stepdad, a genuinely nice older guy who seemed to see their socializing as some sort of subculture networking that would be great for business. ¡°I liked Soundgarden, kinda?¡± Elena tried to compromise. ¡°Nirvana didn¡¯t really¡­ uh, speak to me, I guess. I didn¡¯t like Alice in Chains at all.¡± ¡°I mean, well duh you can¡¯t not love Soundgarden,¡± When Ziggy shook her head in disbelief, the green spikes of gelled hair adorning her head swayed back and forth. ¡°But you don¡¯t like Nirvana?¡± ¡°It¡¯s just¡ªI dunno?¡± Elena shifted uncomfortably on her feet. ¡°Didn¡¯t really feel anything.¡± ¡°Okay then, what about the poser bands?¡± Ziggy challenged. ¡°On that second tape¡ªCandlebox, Bush. Collective Soul. Were they more your speed?¡± ¡°They were alright, I guess?¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°Just, none of it like, jumped out at me, or anything? It was just kinda there. I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re definitely not ready for any of the bitchin¡¯ local bands, then,¡± Ziggy frowned, leaning back and crossing her arms. ¡°Level with me, here¡ªwhat kinda music did you listen to before? Like, what CDs do you own?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have a lot of CDs,¡± Elena admitted. ¡°Most of the ones we have are my parent¡¯s stuff.¡± ¡°Spice Girls?¡± Ziggy made a face. ¡°Hanson? Madonna?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Elena winced. ¡°Spice Girls, yeah. LeAnn Rimes, Jewel. Avalon, Point of Grace, Mariah Carey¡­¡± ¡°Okay¡ªstop, stop, stop,¡± Ziggy quickly motioned Elena to stop and took a quick glance around to make sure no one had overheard her apparent blasphemies. ¡°All of those are like the absolute worst. I mean, Avalon? Jesus, isn¡¯t that Christian music? Throw all of those out. Break the disks into pieces first before you put them in the trash.¡± ¡°Okay, yeah,¡± Elena gave a noncommittal shrug. She wasn¡¯t actually going to do that. She felt indifferent about most of that music now, having moved her small collection of CDs out into the living room and putting them in her parent¡¯s CD rack already. ¡°I mean, geez¡ªfrom remembering how you looked that first day we met I figured you¡¯d at least be into like, No Doubt, Smashing Pumpkins, or¡ª¡± ¡°I do have Smashing Pumpkins,¡± Elena protested weakly. ¡°Well, whatever. Your Mom still said no way on getting into Marilyn Manson?¡± Ziggy inquired with a mischievous look, tapping a lacquered black fingernail against one of the tape cases. ¡°Yeah, still no on Manson,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°I listened to it anyways, but yeah¡­ he seems like a bit too¡­ I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s not for me.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t that make you like him even more, though?¡± Ziggy whispered. ¡°Knowing that she¡¯s against it for no reason other than her religious brainwashing makes the music more meaningful. I mean, Manson, he¡¯s a sexy, badass dude¡ªhave you ever seen what he looks like? His eyes? The guy once bit off the head of a live bat onstage.¡± ¡°No he didn¡¯t!¡± Mr. Gary called from where he was doing inventory across the store. ¡°Hell, that was Ozzy!¡± ¡°Yeah, okay,¡± Ziggy snorted, rolling her eyes. ¡°Like you know anything about music, old man.¡± ¡°Ozzy Osbourne, on his Diary of a Madman tour,¡± Mr. Gary yelled over his shoulder. ¡°Actually caught part of that tour, at Freedom Hall over in Louisville. This was back when¡ª¡± ¡°No one cares, old man!¡± Ziggy retorted, turning and flipping him two middle fingers and a look of almost manic glee. I¡¯m... really not against my parents at all, though, Elena thought to herself, feeling even more alienated than before. I love my dad, I love my mom¡ªI love my mom more than anything. Does that make me less goth? Or more of a poser? I went for the goth thing because it felt right, and it moved me outside the highschool hierarchy bullshit and off into my own thing. It still feels right sometimes, SORT OF, but then sometimes it¡¯s like it never fit me at all. And if I don¡¯t belong here, then¡ªwhere the fuck DO I even belong?
That Sunday, the Moore family joined them at the First Presbyterian Church of Springton for the early service. Elena was surprised at how thrilled she was to see her friend, and chasing right after that excitement was guilt, bitterness, and a strange feeling of discomfort that left her feeling speechless. Tabitha was wearing a modest long-sleeved dress that seemed tailor-made for her¡ªboth in that it was flattering, and that the sleeve on one side had clearly been altered with healthy allowance for the extra girth of her orthopedic cast. Mr. Moore looked reserved and polite, but then Tabitha¡¯s mother Mrs. Moore managed to look mildly terrified at being around so many other people, failing to hide it behind an unconvincing and very strained smile. Everyone in the congregation was happy to meet them, and family after family stepped forward to introduce themselves and shake hands before everyone took their seats in the pews¡ªexcept Elena. Elena didn¡¯t know what to do. I should¡ªno, WE should go say hi, Elena turned a helpless look towards her mother. Right? I mean, we¡¯re still friends, but also¡­ I need her to know I¡¯m not okay with her time travel nonsense still, need to express that there¡¯s a distance between us there. Distance that I¡¯m not going to just bridge over and forget about. Just¡­ God, is it awkward just standing here, like this. Elena found herself filling with tension as the Moore family worked their way a little further down the aisle through the church-goers intent on welcoming them to the community, and didn¡¯t feel any relief when they finally chose a pew and sat down. Tabitha seemed distracted by her mother¡¯s anxiety and kept leaning in to whisper something to the woman, but when she did notice Elena on the other side of the church, she offered a wave. Out of reflex, Elena immediately waved back, feeling more stupid and out of place than ever. Mrs. Seelbaugh gently patted her back as if sensing her troubles, but Elena wasn¡¯t able to take any comfort from the gesture. What... am I DOING? Elena thought, smoothing out the modest floral-print Sunday dress she wore. Jesus. The MATURE thing to do would have been to just run over and make up with her already. Or at least make some kind of effort. That¡¯s what Mom would have done. Not be¡­ stupid and petty about her silly whatever story. Ugh, GOD! As per her agreement with her parents, Elena didn¡¯t wear anything black or gothic to church, so she felt even more out of her element here bereft of her gothic trappings. Wearing her old dressy church outfit would have felt like a lie, because that just wasn¡¯t who she was anymore. But now when she wore her full gothic getup complete with makeup and everything¡ªthat felt like a lie, too, like she was a poser mall goth just going through the motions for appearance¡¯s sake alone. Going to school was wrapping herself up in that cold Hot Topic persona to separate herself from who she didn¡¯t want to be, but left her at a loss as to who she was anymore. Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s hand was still on Elena¡¯s back, so she could feel the moment her mother¡¯s posture grew tense. ¡°Ah, shit,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh muttered under her breath. Shit? Elena looked towards her mother in confusion. What¡¯s wrong? A month ago, Elena would have already been ribbing her mom about letting a swearword slip out¡ªespecially after the woman had always seemed so keen on policing all of Elena¡¯s harmless cursing. Mrs. Seelbaugh didn¡¯t swear lightly, and she¡¯d certainly never used bad language in church, even when she was socializing with the church group. The raven-haired teen followed her mother¡¯s attention over towards two very familiar women shuffling into the pew behind them and her mood immediately soured. Oh. SHIT. ¡°Michelle! Michelle!¡± Mrs. Melissa hissed out in a whisper. ¡°You won¡¯t believe who that woman is!¡± ¡°That¡¯s Shannon Delain!¡± Aunt Cindy added in the same conspiratorial hushed voice. ¡°Shannon Delain, you-know-who!¡± ¡°Over there, with the red hair!¡± Mrs. Melissa turned her body partially away from the congregation to shield the insistent finger she was jabbing in the direction of Tabitha¡¯s mother from sight. ¡°With the little girl. Red hair, that¡¯s HER.¡± ¡°She got so fat!¡± Aunt Cindy leaned in to confide. ¡°I know!¡± Mrs. Melissa agreed with a smirk, shooting another glance over her shoulder. ¡°And, that little girl! Do you think that¡ª¡± ¡°Melissa,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh warned. ¡°Have you gone over and spoken to her?¡± ¡°No, but I know it¡¯s her!¡± Mrs. Melissa declared. ¡°Look at her face! That¡¯s definitely her, she¡¯s just so huge now! All that weight. I mean¡ªJesus!¡± ¡°You¡¯re being very rude,¡± Elena interjected, crossing her arms and giving her mother¡¯s two closest friends a glare. ¡°Hi, Elena sweetheart! I just love your hair!¡± Mrs. Melissa flashed her a rigid smile before turning back towards Mrs. Seelbaugh. ¡°I just love her hair, Michelle.¡± You already said that when you saw me last Sunday, Elena did her best to not let her neutral expression sink into a scowl. It sounds a little less sincere each time I hear it. The service began, but Elena was swimming helplessly in her own head. She stood and held the hymn book for songs, she sat and stared during the sermon, and she mechanically bowed her head during prayer, all the while her psyche seemed to be working overtime to disassociate herself from everything she tried¡ªor tried not¡ªto be. What does that even leave behind, what¡¯s left over then? What do you even CALL this kind of crisis?
When it was over and everyone was standing and beginning to file out of the pews, Elena rushed over to join Tabitha as soon as she could. When she stood in front of her friend, however, her mind blanked and she had no earthly idea what she should say. ¡°Elena honey, why don¡¯t you show Tabitha around the church?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh supplied, almost as if those borderline supernatural Mom senses of hers were once again detecting Elena¡¯s distress. ¡°While we talk to her parents for a little bit about some things?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said. Tabitha smiled at her, and Elena felt relief and shame tugging at her from different directions. With a small wave, she led her friend out of the Sanctuary away from the crowd and down the hallway towards where the choir rooms, fellowship hall, kitchens and Bible study rooms were. The First Presbyterian Church of Springton was large, but over the past few generations the congregation had significantly thinned. There were several daycare rooms, but they only kept one in operation, and the youth group had disbanded before Elena was old enough to join it, rendering many of the rooms down one hallway without any purpose. The large building and outlying structures were intended for twice as many people as currently attended, and each year the church areas seemed a little more empty than the last. ¡°Are you still mad at me?¡± Tabitha finally asked, glancing around at everything with interest. ¡°I¡ªno,¡± Elena said, scrunching up her face. ¡°Sorry, if I seem standoffish. I still don¡¯t believe you about the whole¡­ thing. Just, I don¡¯t know what to do about that. I¡¯m not mad. I don¡¯t know what I am.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabby nodded. ¡°How can I help?¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Elena offered her an expressive shrug. ¡°I don¡¯t know. You seem kinda different since the hospital.¡± ¡°I am different,¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°I feel different. Everything¡¯s changing!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena agreed¡ªbut in contrast to Tabitha¡¯s new apparent upbeat attitude, all she felt was a formless sort of dread. Tabitha was different, too. Before the events of the Halloween party, Tabitha had seemed hesitant and just kind of timid all the time. Now, it was as if that near-death experience had put a bounce in her step, filled Tabitha with focused tenacity and enthusiasm for everything. The pangs of jealousy that appeared at that realization weren¡¯t easy to stifle, because before that same transformative series of events, it was Elena who had been instilled with purpose and drive. ¡°So, are CDs still around in the future?¡± Elena blurted out. She still didn¡¯t believe Tabitha was actually from the future. But, Elena decided she needed to understand the story, to have a better grasp of it so that she could figure out what to do with it. If it was a fanciful game of make believe, Elena needed to tear it down so that it didn¡¯t continue to cloud the air between them. If it was a delusional coping mechanism or metaphor for dealing with trauma, then helping Tabitha unravel it would be good for both of them. Posing a question about CDs, of all things, wasn¡¯t on her prepared collection of weak points to attack, but music had been on her mind a lot lately and popped out of her mouth before Elena could stop herself. After all, music was supposedly some sort of cultural lynchpin that should have anchored her to the whole goth thing. At the very least, it would have given her something to talk about with Ziggy. ¡°Hah,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°No. Not at all. They¡¯re very much a relic of this time period.¡± ¡°What¡¯s next after CDs?¡± Elena mused, trying not to fidget. ¡°Little microchips?¡± ¡°Sorta,¡± Tabitha quirked her lip. ¡°But, not like you¡¯d think. Music goes digital pretty soon, in two or three years you¡¯ll be downloading songs onto your computer and loading them into an iPod. Little handheld device. That really kicks off music piracy¡ªNapster and BitTorrent and all of that, which I actually kinda missed out on in my first life and only found out about in retrospect.¡± ¡°There¡¯s music piracy now,¡± Elena countered, the memory of Ziggy first waggling a mixtape for her still vivid in memory. ¡°Tape cassettes, CDs. My friend Ziggy knows a guy who pirates CDs with a disk burner. Music piracy is already a big thing.¡± ¡°Ehhh, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°That¡¯s not big, not really. What¡¯s going on now is just isolated cases, like one or two people out of thousands and thousands. The kind of piracy I¡¯m talking about is extremely widespread, something along the lines of forty percent of the entire market basically just deciding to never pay for music ever again. Just download copies from wherever for free, instead.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ okay, that¡¯s a lot I guess,¡± Elena made a face. ¡°Maybe too much, in fact? Forty percent? How do they wind up putting a stop to it?¡± ¡°The long answer is a complicated mess and I don¡¯t remember all of it, and the short answer is; they never really manage to put a stop to it,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Nothing effective, anyways. Pirating media¡ªmovies, games, music¡ªand assets for stuff like 3D printing was still a common everyday thing right up ¡®till I came back to the past.¡± 3D printing...? Elena wondered. Seems like another term to note down. I think Mom had an article in one of her magazines about how 3D stuff works¡ªthose red and blue lense glasses that make it look like pictures pop out. I can do a bit of research and find a way to corner her on something and finally stump her. ¡°Okay,¡± Elena pursed her lips. ¡°So, should I wait? Like, should I not buy music now, and just wait until piracy just makes everything free? Or, is that a real bad thing to do?¡± The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°That¡¯s a tough one to answer,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°To be completely honest with you, I don¡¯t think I ever bought music in my life, period. When I was this age we didn¡¯t really play the radio or anything at home, and I didn¡¯t really get into music until I was in college. You have to remember, I wasn¡¯t a ¡®cool¡¯ kid in my first go-through. I didn¡¯t know music.¡± ¡°So, you pirated music later, when pirating isn¡¯t illegal anymore?¡± ¡°Well, no, pirating¡¯s always illegal,¡± Tabitha appeared to be conflicted on how to explain. ¡°But, less like shoplifting, and more like jaywalking? I never pirated anything, though. In college I had a Pandora account, but I just had the free version, so they played advertisements in-between the music. Then most of the rest of my adult life I was just abusing Youtube playlists whenever I wanted to listen to things, and it was free, too. Well, free with some ads that would randomly play.¡± ¡°Then, does that mean you¡¯ve listened to a lot of music?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Ziggy¡ªmy friend¡ªhas it in her mind that I need music to build my identity around, or I¡¯m not really goth. Like without the music culture parts of it, I¡¯m just a poser. If you¡¯re really from the future, you must have a bunch of bands you can recommend to me. Right?¡± ¡°Are you kidding me?!¡± Tabitha lit up. ¡°Absolutely! I was just thinking about this the other day! Well, sorta. When I think goth I think Evanescence, but emo music is what I usually associate with the Hot Topic sorta style. Fallout boy. My Chemical Romance, Panic at the Disco, Paramore.¡± ¡°Emo music,¡± Elena challenged, giving Tabitha a stare. ¡°I¡¯ve never even heard of it, or any of those bands.¡± Alicia was definitely right about Tabitha being a bit too quick with coming up with those believable names and terms, though. Most of them have a kind of legitimate ring to them, all except the disco one¡ªthat sounds stupid. She didn¡¯t have to pause for a moment to think them up or anything, though. Does she plot these all out beforehand? ¡°Oh, you won¡¯t for a while yet, I don¡¯t think,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Mid-two thousands, maybe? We¡¯ll have just gotten out of high school by then, I remember there was a group of emo kids that hung out together at the community college in Elizabethtown where I went.¡± ¡°Why would they hang out at the college?¡± Elena asked, perplexed. ¡°Why?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Uh, they were students there. I¡¯d just sort of see them around campus here and th¡ª¡± ¡°If they¡¯re emo kids, then they wouldn¡¯t be in college,¡± Elena argued. ¡°They¡¯d be adults.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s a very¡­ high school perspective to have,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°For instance, when you were in middle school, you¡¯d think of the high schoolers as all mature and grown up, but then once you get into high school you realize what an illusion that was. They were all always just dumb kids. That doesn¡¯t change when they get older and get into college or universities, and for most of them it doesn¡¯t even change when they get out into real world jobs, either.¡± Elena wanted to retort with a well duh, or segue into a that wasn¡¯t what I meant, technically they¡¯re legal adults, but the arguments stuck in her throat and she gnawed on her lip, simply feeling stifled and frustrated. Tabitha had at the very least put a considerable amount of thought into this roleplay charade she was doing. That she was expending so much effort on her make believe was incredibly irritating, though, and made Elena want to catch her in a lie more and more. ¡°Okay, fine,¡± Elena huffed. ¡°Name an ¡®emo¡¯ song.¡± ¡°Welcome to the Black Parade, by MCR,¡± Tabitha answered without hesitation. ¡°Then¡ªsing some of it,¡± Elena dared her, crossing her arms. ¡°If you¡¯re from the future, you¡¯d remember at least one super amazing song that stood out and¡ª¡± ¡°When I was a young boy¡± ¡°My father took me into the city¡± ¡°To see a marching band¡ª¡± To her consternation, Tabitha again didn¡¯t have to pause, and whatever fake lyrics she¡¯d obviously prepared beforehand were even sung in that soft sort of undertone one does when mimicking someone else¡¯s much louder performance. The words were even delivered in a kind of steady rhythmic cadence that seemed suspiciously too well done. Tabby¡¯s a writer, though, a creative type. She probably has no problem thinking up poems and pentameter and songs and things. ¡°He said, ¡®Son, when you grow up¡± ¡°Would you be the savior of the broken¡± ¡°The beaten, and the damned¡ª?¡¯¡± ¡°He said, ¡®will you defeat them¡± ¡°Your demons and all the non-believers?¡± ¡°The plans that they have made¡ª?¡± ¡°Because one day, I''ll leave you¡± ¡°A phantom to lead you in the summer¡± ¡°To join the black parade¡ª!¡± ¡°Okay... you¡¯ve put a lot of thought into this,¡± Elena shrugged, doing her best to look unimpressed. ¡°Clearly. But, you made that up beforehand. It¡¯s not from the future.¡± ¡°Elena, I didn¡¯t make that up,¡± Tabitha gave her a teasing smile. ¡°You don¡¯t have to believe I¡¯m from the future if you don¡¯t want, but don¡¯t say that I wrote any of that! It feels like you¡¯re accusing me of plagiarism then, or like I¡¯m taking credit for other people¡¯s work, or something. Makes me uncomfortable.¡± ¡°Fine then, you didn¡¯t write it,¡± Elena shrugged again and looked away in aggravation. ¡°Whatever. I don¡¯t care. I still don¡¯t believe you about the time travel. It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s. I really hate that it¡¯s like I have to fight you on something so stupid, right now. As if I didn¡¯t have enough to deal with, with everything else. I don¡¯t see the point.¡± ¡°Well, if you did have a friend from the future,¡± Tabitha mused, ¡°Maybe they¡¯d be interested in somehow getting you out to see a certain gothic rock group before they make it huge.¡± ¡°Gothic rock?¡± Elena sounded skeptical. ¡°Ziggy never mentioned gothic rock.¡± ¡°They might¡¯ve categorized things differently back in these times,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Alternative rock, I guess? Emo is still a few years away, for sure. I mean, I wasn¡¯t super proud of it back then... but I can definitely recite pretty much every Evanescence song, and even do the opening bits of My Immortal if we can get access to a piano.¡± ¡°Goth rock makes it huge,¡± Elena couldn¡¯t keep the sarcasm out of her voice. ¡°To who, exactly?¡± As far as she could tell, she was one of only three in the entire student body at Springton High who affected any sort of style that could even remotely be construed as dark and brooding, and she was the definitely only freshman. Every interaction she¡¯d had with Ziggy in the Fairfield Hot Topic indicated that their kind were always loners and outcasts. The idea that a goth song would enter mainstream appeal seemed oddly counterintuitive to her, and the more she thought about it, the more certain she became that Tabitha was simply feeding her a line of bullshit. ¡°Everyone, really,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t keep the excitement out of her voice. ¡°Evanescence. They get huge, and I mean huge like, fifty million albums sold. Well, by 2040-ish, anyways, that¡¯s around the time I caught the video about it. They went platinum quite a few times. Bring me to Life was pretty much freaking infamous for being overplayed on the radio back in... ¡®03? Maybe ¡®04? But, right now? I don¡¯t even think they¡¯re on anyone¡¯s radar yet.¡± ¡°Wait, so... they exist now, but they¡¯re not big yet?¡± Elena pressed. If they¡¯re a real band, she had to have heard them somewhere. If they don¡¯t become famous in the next few years, what, will Tabitha just claim that the timeline must have just changed? Make some sort of excuse? More and more, I¡¯m just doubting EVERYTHING she says. It¡¯s all just too suspect. ¡°Yeah. Right now, I think they¡¯re just performing in tiny little venues in Little Rock, Arkansas,¡± Tabitha revealed. ¡°Tiny like, coffee shops. Bars. Maybe still under a different name, I think it was Childish Intention, or Stricken. Hell, Amy Lee probably isn¡¯t much older than us right now. She must be... sixteen, or seventeen, here in ¡®98?¡± ¡°Arkansas,¡± Elena repeated, some of her skepticism fading away as the wheels began to turn in her head. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ okay, that¡¯s not that far away. What are you saying, like¡ªif what you¡¯re saying is true, then how would we even take advantage of it?¡± Tabitha¡ªwhat¡¯s the point of your make believe story, here? ¡°We don¡¯t,¡± Tabitha said, holding up her hands in a helpless expression. ¡°Absolutely no way. I know it¡¯s kinda ironic, in that they¡¯re one of the few things I remember well enough that I could like, steal their songs and everything with future knowledge. But, I¡¯m absolutely not going to. I love Evanescence, and no one else can sing those songs with the kind of oomph that Amy Lee put into them.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not saying steal anything,¡± Elena carefully clarified. ¡°Just, there would have to be some way or some angle to do something with future knowledge there, if you already know they¡¯re going to have hits. Right? It could probably even benefit them, somehow.¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t we see if you even like them, first?¡± Tabitha suggested. ¡°We can¡­ make some calls, or something¡ªugh, not having real internet makes everything such a headache. Figure out when and where they play, take a trip down to see Evanescence live sometime soon. Do you want me to try to sing a little bit for you?¡± ¡°Sure,¡± Elena jumped at the offer. ¡°Of course. There¡¯s a piano over in the fellowship hall we can probably use, even. Over this way.¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Tabitha blanched. ¡°Okay. Yeah. Just to warn you, though¡ªI don¡¯t actually know how to play real piano. Learning to play piano was one of the early hologram gimmicks, honestly, and most of us only messed around with that as a novelty. Just white keys, and I only learned to play random easy catchy bits¡ªthe opening bits of My Immortal, the real basic Swan Lake riff. Stuff like the super simplified Dojacat¡¯s Say So, Malaxa by Arnault, and Tattletale¡¯s motif from Worm. Those are the total extent of my piano-playing abilities.¡± ¡°Which means¡­?¡± Elena prodded. ¡°So, I¡¯m just saying¡ªlower your expectations way, way down,¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°I haven¡¯t practiced any of that stuff in years.¡± ¡°But, you can sing it, or not?¡± Elena questioned. ¡°Come on.¡± ¡°I think so,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I wasn¡¯t bad at singing, per se, but I don¡¯t think I was anything special, either. Hopefully I¡¯m good enough for you to get the gist of how things go.¡± Elena guided her friend into the large community room where the congregation gathered for the much less formal occasions. It was a wide open space today, with dozens of tables folded and wheeled out of the way and several hundred chairs neatly stacked ten high in the nearest corner and a stage area that took up the far wall. Elena watched with a skeptical look as Tabitha plunked away at the piano keys in an experimental way, making odd but not very musical noise for several minutes. ¡°Okay... I lied,¡± Tabitha said with a grimace. ¡°It¡¯s been too long¡ªI can do the My Immortal opening, and a bit of Tattletale¡¯s theme. If I had a few hours, I could probably figure out the Swan Lake thing again. Malaxa and Say So are both off the table, I only remember the one started with three fingers here like this, and then with my right hand I kinda did¡­ something like this? But, I don¡¯t remember it all that clearly anymore. Apparently. Hold on, lemme see if...¡± ¡°Which one¡¯s the goth rock one that¡¯s gonna be big?¡± Elena asked, unable to tell if Tabitha was just stalling or not. ¡°My Immortal,¡± Tabitha answered, taking a sheepish glance around. ¡°Am I, um. Am I allowed to sing in here? It might get a little loud.¡± ¡°Just sing it kinda softly,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°How does it go?¡± ¡°Hah,¡± Tabitha shook her head ruefully and awkwardly placed her fingers back on the keys. ¡°Well, I can sing My Immortal, but I can¡¯t sing it softly. That¡¯s not how ballads work, I can¡¯t not really yell some of it out.¡± ¡°Go on, try it then,¡± Elena said, trying not to sound like she was getting impatient as she checked out the room. There were only a few adult women loitering over near the door separating the fellowship hall from the kitchens, and they didn¡¯t seem at all interested in what her and Tabitha were getting up to. ¡°If they tell us to stop, we¡¯ll stop.¡± ¡°Okay. Okay,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath. ¡°Here goes!¡± Clearing her throat and stretching her slender fingers one last time, the redhead carefully positioned them back on the ivories and began to play. The music wasn¡¯t familiar to Elena, but it sounded... good, and Tabitha seemed to be playing with more confidence this time, measuring herself and now taking appropriate pauses that elevated the piece well above those previous practice attempts. Doesn¡¯t sound very ROCK, though, does it? If¡ª ¡°I''m so tired of being here¡ª¡± The slowly drawn out words sounded across the entire fellowship hall, forcing Elena to do a double take and again mentally reevaluate her friend. Each syllable felt inexplicably heavy, full of sadness and pain, and when they fell in time with the piano notes any doubt that Tabitha was making up this particular song on the spot vanished. She was definitely drawing knowledge of this from somewhere, the lyrics and notes complemented each other too well for this to be any sort of fabrication. Across the room, both of the adult women stopped their conversation and turned towards them. Tabitha was singing at volume already and the change from her normal speaking voice to one she was pouring emotion into was pretty stunning. ¡°Suppressed by all my childish fears¡± ¡°And if you have to leave¡± ¡°I wish that you would just leave¡± ¡°''Cause your presence still lingers here¡± ¡°And it won''t leave me alone¡ª¡± In the very last few syllables Tabitha began to really project her voice, and the weight of emotion she¡¯d been infusing into the song was thrown out to fill the air to become power. A thrilling tingle traveled through Elena¡¯s body that made the tiny hairs on her arms stand up. THIS is¡­ well¡­ ¡°THESE WOUNDS WON¡¯T SEEM TO HEAL, THIS PAIN IS JUST TOO REAL¡± ¡°THERE¡¯S JUST TOO MUCH THAT TIME CANNOT ERASE¡ª¡± Tabitha had apparently reached the extent of her piano knowledge by this point and simply dropped her hands into her lap as she continued to sing. The piece seemed to carry on well enough without the accompaniment, though, simply because Tabitha was able to put so much of herself into the lyrics, and with so much passion. The girl¡¯s eyes were squeezed shut as she focused herself entirely on vocalizing this impressive ballad¡ªand, to Elena at least, it sounded incredible. ¡°When you cried, I''d wipe away all of your tears¡± ¡°When you''d scream, I''d fight away all of your fears¡± ¡°And I held your hand through all of these years¡± ¡°But you still have¡ªall of me¡± That somewhat haunting piano melody began again, and Elena realized both of the church ladies had approached. The women wore equally stunned expressions, looking from Tabitha to Elena and back again, neither of them inclined to interrupt the unexpected performance. Across the room and well behind Tabitha¡¯s turned back, Elena spotted Mrs. Moore opening the door and poking her head in, seeming just as bewildered. ¡°You used to captivate me by your resonating light¡± ¡°Now I''m bound by the life you left behind¡± ¡°Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams¡± ¡°Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me¡± ¡°These wounds won''t seem to heal¡ª ¡°This pain is just too real¡ª¡± ¡°There''s just too much that time cannot erase¡ª¡± Elena watched on with her own expression of shock, but for different reasons¡ª the piece Tabitha chose to play spoke to her, it gave her chills just hearing it. Experiencing it. She understood now what Tabitha meant; this wasn¡¯t a song that could be sung casually or in a lowered voice, there was an operatic quality to it. Whatever the song was, whoever it was really by originally, Elena felt a connection to it, the connection she¡¯d hoped to feel spring into place when listening to the mixtapes Ziggy prepared for her. Those bonds had failed to materialize, but this one, this song took hold of her soul in that complete embrace she never knew she¡¯d always longed for. By the time she snapped to her senses, Tabitha had sung through the rest of the song, and Elena stood there for a moment in a daze as Mrs. Moore, the other women from before, and another family that had wandered in at some point were all congratulating Tabitha. ¡°Well¡ªElena, what do you think?¡± Tabitha asked her with a beaming smile. ¡°I think that might¡¯ve been my best try singing¡­ ever! Still definitely falls well short of Amy Lee, and my piano playing is, uh, yeah the less said about it the better, but can you kinda get the vibe of¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha... that was amazing,¡± Elena carefully emphasized. ¡°Who¡¯s the¡ªAmy Lee? How can we get her music? I need to hear it, hear her, hear the original. If that just now still fell short¡­¡± Elena drifted away from Tabitha in a daze as the girl played the piano melody again for her parents, with Mrs. Moore joining her on the wooden bench and Mr. Moore hovering over both of them. The sheer force of the lyrics was still echoing in her soul, and Elena needed to engrave them deep, she needed time to digest them, to examine just what magical way they made her feel, how alive they felt. I need to have my tape recorder ready for next time. The fellowship hall was gradually filling up with more church goers, and from the looks of it the women¡¯s bible study group that normally followed right after service had momentarily postponed their meeting to excitedly gather around the new family sitting at the piano. The fact that her own mother had missed Tabitha¡¯s performance and like most of the others seemed to have no idea of how well the girl could sing seemed¡­ jarring. It was almost as if¡ª Elena stiffened as she overheard a familiar pair of voices. She turned, and on the opposite side of the room from the piano was her mother standing with her friends Cindy and Melissa¡ªand looking absolutely pissed at both of them. The transcendent feeling of the music from before ebbed away as Elena started in their direction, but even the absence they left behind felt like it had changed something about her, or revealed something about herself. She wanted some time alone to really sort out how all of it was affecting her, but first there was something she suddenly felt inspired to do. ¡°¡ªAnd, she has a little girl!¡± Aunt Cindy whispered loudly. ¡°Looks to be about ¡®Lena¡¯s age, so Shannon must have gone right out and gotten herself pregnant the moment she¡ª¡± ¡°Well, of course she did!¡± Mrs. Melissa interjected with a sardonic laugh. ¡°I said it. I always said it¡ªthe only way she gets herself in Hollywood is lying on her back. Spreading her legs for¡ª¡± ¡°Melissa,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh warned her again. ¡°Stop. You don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about. Please, just¡­ watch what you¡¯re saying when¡ª¡± Elena approached directly, and rather than the friendly but polite smile or reserved meekness she¡¯d displayed earlier, she was staring down Mrs. Melissa. For her part, Mrs. Melissa seemed like a rabbit caught in headlights, and after making the mistake of making eye contact with Elena all she could do was awkwardly half-turn towards Aunt Cindy for support. ¡°Is this going to be a problem?¡± Elena demanded. ¡°Excuse me?¡± Mrs. Melissa huffed in disbelief. ¡°The only problem seems like it¡¯s with your attitude, Elena?¡± Aunt Cindy¡¯s eyebrows slightly rose in challenge. ¡°We were speaking to your mother.¡± ¡°Are you two going to be a problem for my friend¡¯s family?¡± Elena was blunt. ¡°You¡¯re the only two out of the entire congregation who hasn¡¯t tried to welcome them. At all. Instead, you¡¯re over here giving dirty looks and whispering to each other, so¡ªis there a problem?¡± Arms crossed, Elena immediately stepped over to block their view of the commotion going on over at the piano. Standing between them and the Moores felt like some show of solidarity at least, and Elena felt a small surge of surprise and pride as her mother quickly joined her. Her mother was typically thick as thieves with Mrs. Melissa and Aunt Cindy, and they seemed taken aback by her clear show of support for this impertinent raven-haired teen. Sensing the dynamic had already shifted out of their favor, Mrs. Melissa¡¯s expression darkened as she forcibly reined in a small amount of her indignation, but it was just as obvious that she wasn¡¯t going to bend in this situation. ¡°What in the world gets into your head that makes you think it¡¯s okay to speak to me like that?¡± Mrs. Melissa scolded her, shooting an incredulous glance from Elena to Mrs. Seelbaugh. ¡°You don¡¯t know who that woman really is or what she¡¯s like, where she¡¯s been or what she¡¯s done. You¡¯re fourteen years old. We¡¯ve been attending this church for twenty years, and if you think that just because we don¡¯t rush over there to kiss her feet that¡ª¡± ¡°You think you recognize my friend¡¯s mom,¡± Elena cut her off with a fierce look. ¡°You don¡¯t. She just wanted to come to worship with her family somewhere without judgement and she thought that maybe the Presbyterian Church of Springton was the place for that.¡± Elena glanced from Mrs. Melissa to Aunt Cindy and back, weighing and measuring them with a cold gaze. ¡°It looks like she was wrong,¡± Elena decided, her expression going hard as she turned away, not daring to look at her mother. ¡°Maybe one of the other churches in town will give them an actual accepting Christian welcome?¡± Is this what it feels like, what being REBELLIOUS like I¡¯m supposed to be feels like? She¡¯d already decided to cast her lot in with Tabitha, and if that meant opposing her mother¡¯s friends and causing strife, then so be it. Elena didn¡¯t want to see her Mom¡¯s face right now, because she was terrified she would see some difficult expression or strained tension, that her Mom would already be trying to mediate things and cajole her two friends to come around to the situation. That her Mom would be frustrated with her or think she was acting juvenile. Instead, Mrs. Seelbaugh wore a beaming smile of pride that stunned Elena. Okay... yeah I have no idea how I¡¯m supposed to feel, Elena tried to keep her face blank to hide her bafflement. But, at least now I know I definitely feel SOMETHING. 35: Moore and Moore problems.
It¡¯s a tremendous struggle to write someone who¡¯s lost their own narrative. How do you even express someone so difficult to define? Depression in young adult fiction is often oversimplified, to such an extent that nuance is lost and it becomes impossible to relate to. BAD HAPPENS; the protagonist is sad about it. The average reader will grow impatient rather than sympathetic. Depression isn¡¯t just sadness. Depression is feeling nothing much at all about the things that once made you feel EVERYTHING. The pursuits you¡¯d once so invested yourself in seem to lose all meaning, even victories feel hollow. You lose your own narrative and fall into this passive state, repeating what doesn¡¯t work or becoming secondary to the drive of a more goal-oriented character. As one of the most prevalent mental illnesses, I find depression personally important to write about... but, it¡¯s also just so damned hard to address, because it really is the anathema of engaging, interesting fiction. Real depresi depression is not compelling, real depression is something anyone will do their best to avoid, deny, and escape from. The quick and messy route is to play up the angst angle, throw your protagonist into a moral gray to struggle with. They can persevere for high ground or they can get a little edgy, either is fine¡ªanything but dare to linger on the unpleasant. The alternative seems to be couching everything in metaphor. Your protagonist becomes physically lost in a maze of choices, or an Artax and Atreyu mired in the swamps of sadness. The emotional weight is there (sometimes), and it can be cleverly done¡ªbut, some part of me is reluctant to be clever or dishonest about this at all. Sometimes, a big part of me just wants to write something terrible, some moments that just really, really fucking suck. Something that isn¡¯t simplified until it¡¯s meaningless, or wrapped in the safety-padding of allegory, or skewed by survivorship bias. But who THE FUCK would ever want to read it! The only
¡°¡ªWhatcha reading?¡± Aiden interrupted. ¡°Good heavens!¡± Mrs. Moore jumped, almost knocking the binder into the bare patch of dirt worn into the mulch by the feet of those who sat at this park bench. She caught it, just barely, slapping her hands down against the pages of Tabitha¡¯s Goblin Princess outline before they could slip out of her lap. It was a thick binder, and if she was honest with herself it seemed to grow a little heavier with each page she read. Sometimes she could only read and helplessly reread her daughter¡¯s words over and over again in consternation and disbelief. ¡°Young man!¡± Mrs. Moore finally collected her wits about her with an exasperated laugh. ¡°You were ¡®bout liable to give me a heart attack! ¡°Aiden!¡± Tabitha yelled from the other side of the playground. ¡°Please don¡¯t bother your Auntie Shannon when she¡¯s reading. Say you¡¯re sorry and come back over here with your brothers.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Aiden complied, giving Mrs. Moore another glance before trotting back over to the others. Her heart in her throat, Shannon Moore spent a long moment watching her daughter play with the four cousins. Tabitha had them all lined up and was showing them some dance or another¡ªMrs. Moore didn¡¯t have the faintest clue about modern dance and couldn¡¯t tell whether this was supposed to be the electric slide or the macarena¡ªbut she still just looked so young that it was all but impossible to reconcile the frail little girl with the one who was capable of writing about all of these dreadful things. I KNOW that Tabby¡¯s sharp, Mrs. Moore watched on with a complicated expression. But this¡ª? This is beyond her just being a smart kid, this is¡ªI don¡¯t know what to do with this. She¡¯s putting words to things I¡¯ve felt for¡ªfor a long time. Too long. More than just putting words to them, she UNDERSTANDS them. To her they¡¯re these, these fully-fleshed-out ideas she can turn over and examine in her mind, ideas that she¡¯s already figuring out how to fit into other things. Mrs. Moore adjusted her parka and drew Goblin Princess the rest of the way back up into her lap, cradling it carefully against herself. As a parent, it¡¯s so EASY to underestimate how much she¡¯s grown up! She¡¯ll always be my little girl, but she¡¯s a teenager now. And somehow, she understood. Really understood, that I had completely lost my own narrative. That I thought I was going to be a model, a beautiful Hollywood actress, a star, a SOMEONE, and that I was so set on it, so set on just racing down that path, that once I WASN¡¯T¡ªthere was nothing left of me. No spark, no drive, nothing but just complete bitterness. It was alarming that Tabitha understood so much, alarming that Mrs. Moore could feel that same bitterness rising up from the girl¡¯s written words. To such an extent that they stung! She¡¯d never in her life read anything that made her lose her composure so easily¡ªthis was the daughter she¡¯d so thoroughly failed to connect with in the past summer months of this year. These were some of the feelings Tabitha was grappling with and struggling to jot down back then. Lord help me¡ªraising a teenage daughter sure isn¡¯t easy. Ostensibly, Mrs. Moore was here at the playground to chaperone the boys and keep an eye on Tabitha should she start feeling faint again¡ª which still happened frequently enough to make Mrs. Moore¡¯s insides feel like they were twisting themselves up into knots. But, the reality was that she was terrified to allow Tabitha out of her sight. When Tabitha had set about her little neighborhood weeding project, and both of the times Tabitha went out to work at setting up the garden plot in their yard for spring, Mrs. Moore had stolen up to the window and watched her in secret the entire time. Guilt, relief, and some difficult-to-define sense of dependency were continuing to gnaw at the mother in a maddening way. Her overprotective instincts had kicked in¡ªtoo little, too late¡ªand she had no earthly idea how to manage them. At the same time, Mrs. Moore knew Tabitha was already feeling smothered beneath the restrictions placed upon her for the sake of recovery. There were plenty of excuses to hover over the girl when she was cooking or out here with the boys, but there was also the constant compulsion to follow Tabitha everywhere she went, even from room to room in the house, and that was too much. She couldn¡¯t do that¡ªbecause while not knowing what her daughter was up to every second of the day stirred up anxiety, the idea that Tabitha would start to resent her presence filled her with absolute dread. Hypocrite mother that I am, Mrs. Moore couldn¡¯t help but steal another glance over at Tabitha. All of those years when she needed me, I couldn¡¯t stand to be around her. Now, she¡¯s at the age where she¡¯s trying to go out and be her own person, and I can¡¯t bear to give her any space. ¡°Is... everything okay?¡± Tabitha called over. ¡°Oh! Yes, yes,¡± Mrs. Moore forced a smile, looking from Tabitha to the notebook and back again with an incredulous shake of her head. ¡°This is all¡ªwell, it¡¯s incredible, honey.¡± ¡°Okay. Keep on reading. If you want to, that is,¡± Even in the distance, she could see Tabitha muster her own nervous smile. ¡°I¡¯ll try to keep the boys occupied.¡± Feeling inexplicably strained, Mrs. Moore forced herself to turn her attention to the next story section of Goblin Princess.
¡°Silence those shackles, mage,¡± Censede warned in a low voice, carefully lifting a weathered hand from his cloak festooned with bones. ¡°We have arrived¡ªthis is the silk road.¡± The goblin sage, the young girl without a name, and their captive mage stood together on the final plateau rise of the Ostskala, taking in the sight of where the barren rocky wastes abruptly gave way to the drop of a sheer precipice. It was like nothing the girl had ever seen¡ªhere where they stood was mountainous ground, and then in front of them there was nothing. Nothing, save for a curious twisting white vine of some sort that adhered to the cliff edge before them in a mess of fibrous strings and then was pulled tight by something high up and far, far in the distance. Much further away than she could see. ¡°You fools,¡± Beon rasped out in a harsh whisper as he stared in horror. ¡°You two damn fools! Do you have any idea what this is?!¡± ¡°A single strand of the Great Weaver¡¯s net that spans the sky,¡± Censede answered in a grave voice. ¡°It is our path, and we must tread it lightly.¡± ¡°Tread it lightly? ¡®Great Weaver?!¡¯ So, even gobs know of such things,¡± Beon let out a bitter laugh and began his frantic struggle with his chains anew. ¡°What a fool¡¯s errand. This looks to be one of the mooring lines of a Chimeric Dreadweaver¡¯s web. Quite an old Chimeric Dreadweaver, at that. Several centuries, at the very least¡ªsee the thickness of this silk! They¡¯re calamities. Calamities. World-enders. It¡¯s been said they can live forever, that the greater ones weave nests between planets and moons and ensnare wyverns and dragons and lesser deities and who-knows-what-else as though they were insects!¡± ¡°Does the silk road lead to the moon?¡± the girl asked, following the taut band of white with her green eyes as it ascended from the cliff face towards the sky. The strand was a pale line that stretched out into the air until it became impossible to discern along the distant horizon. It was not quite the width of a narrow footpath, and it seemed as though traveling across it would be no different than carefully stepping across the branch of a tree limb. Although, unlike the gnarled old swamp trees the girl had climbed in the past, this silk road appeared to hang tens and then hundreds and then thousands of feet into the air. She could only pale at imagining crossing such an unfathomable distance at such incredible height. ¡°No, child,¡± Censede assured her. ¡°Only as high as the northern mountain peaks. Our Great Weaver, he is not yet so old as to reach beyond the clouds.¡± ¡°She,¡± Beon corrected with a bitter laugh. ¡°Your ¡®Great Weaver,¡¯ she¡¯s female. Obviously.¡± ¡°The Great Weaver¡­ is female?¡± Censede¡¯s wizened old face took pause at the notion, unsure as to whether or not this was a blasphemy. ¡°That¡¯s right,¡± Beon said. ¡°The males, they don¡¯t spin webs. Or grow quite so terrible in size. Dreadweaver males wouldn¡¯t live beyond two or three meters tall, they¡¯d be nothing at all against a company of Mages. It¡¯s said the males mostly become food for the female Chimeric Dreadweaver, though¡ª¡± ¡°An entire company of mages?¡± The nameless girl¡¯s face fell. ¡°You¡ªyou can¡¯t mean that.¡± ¡°To kill a male, yes. A female? Hah! Hah! We can¡¯t walk this ¡®road,¡¯¡± Beon swore. ¡°Gods below, a Chimeric Dreadweaver. Here. One this blighted close to the border. This horrible web must stretch for entire leagues... must stretch across the entire sky over Ostsea like some terrible unseen¡­! Gods help us. You have to let me free, you must let me return. To warn the capital at least, I beg you.¡± ¡°Warn the enemy? We¡¯ll do no such thing,¡± Censede scoffed. ¡°We walk the Silk Road.¡± ¡°We won¡¯t get caught in it?¡± the girl asked, giving the enormous line of webbing an experimental prod with the toe of her boot. ¡°No, you imbecile¡ªthis is a radial,¡± Beon explained in vexation. ¡°Part of the frame, it won¡¯t be sticky. Trapping lines are then built upon this in a capture spiral starting from¡ªno, you know what? It doesn¡¯t matter. We can¡¯t take this path. We¡¯ll die. There¡¯s no chance. No chance.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve much wisdom, wizard,¡± Censede gave their captive an appraising look. ¡°But so little courage.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a mage, not a wizard,¡± Beon corrected the goblin elder with a sneer. ¡°I suppose you mean to cross from this anchoring line to a bridging thread along the outer edge of the web. Head back down to the ground somewhere on the other side of Ostersjon, bypass the outposts and checkpoints of the Northern Magi. Well, I¡¯m telling you; it won¡¯t work. It¡¯s madness and suicide and the only destination this ¡®path¡¯ of yours will lead to is right into the maw of a Chimeric Dreadweaver.¡± ¡°The silk road can be traveled by those with proper reverence,¡± Censede sniffed. ¡°We are very small. If our footsteps are light, the road will not tremble enough to displease the Great One.¡± ¡°Oh? Really? Really?¡± Beon laughed. ¡°So, you¡¯ve walked this path before, then?¡± ¡°I have,¡± Censede answered with a grave nod. ¡°Long ago, with my Master and three other Goblin apprentices.¡± ¡°Impossible,¡± Beon shook his head. ¡°No way, there¡¯s no way some ignorant gobs blundered across entire leagues of a web like this and somehow survived.¡± ¡°There were other apprentices underneath your Master?¡± the girl perked up with interest. ¡°Does that mean¡ªare there other Goblin Sages? Allies we could call upon?¡± ¡°Once, there were many apprentices to the great Goblin Sage,¡± the many wrinkles upon Censede¡¯s green face folded into a bitter smile. ¡°Now, there is only me. The Silk Road can be traversed, but it is not without danger. The three other apprentices on that journey¡ªeach of them bravely fell from the web.¡± ¡°They bravely... fell from the web?¡± The girl repeated in shock. ¡°But...¡± ¡°Yes. Fell, one after another,¡± Censede admitted. ¡°One must step lightly and with utmost care, while standing tall and prepared to die. You cannot doubt yourself, or permit your heart to waver for even an instant¡ªif balance is lost and you begin to fall, you must fall! You cannot catch the line and hang from the thread, for the slightest tug will summon the Great Weaver, and thus doom your companions to become its food.¡±
That sounds¡­ just absolutely dreadful! Mrs. Moore couldn¡¯t help but glance over at her daughter again. Each page of the story manuscript itself was written on white notebook paper, which was then followed by Tabitha¡¯s commentary put onto yellow legal paper, and sometimes there were as many as three or four yellows for every white page. Mrs. Moore first read a single story page, then she delved into the yellow legal pages wherein Tabitha often explained how the ideas were connected and outlined the purpose they served in the larger narrative. Mrs. Moore read these pages over and over and over again, searching for and studying over every scrap and hint Tabitha was willing to reveal before finally returning to reread the story page with new appreciation. Though she had of course read screenplays before, Shannon Moore didn¡¯t regularly read for fun, and her daughter¡¯s writing prowess was honestly intimidating. Some details were easily gleaned from her first casual read-through¡ªthe book was intended for an audience of teen readers, after all¡ªbut reading the note pages always seemed to shock Mrs. Moore. Tabby just has so many ideas she puts into these! A good deal of the process seemed to be Tabitha creating a methodology for herself as she wrote. The girl was attempting to use a regular rotation of sensory exposition¡ªvisuals, sounds, smells, tactile sensations, temperature and et cetera¡ªwhile also utilizing what she called her ¡®economy of words¡¯ stratagem, using increasingly brief references to past descriptors to omit the more lengthy and repetitive description. The slave irons worn about Beon¡¯s wrists had been written in lavish detail in a previous chapter, both because of what they represented to him and because he would rattle and shake his chains simply to annoy his captors¡ªa character moment. Censede¡¯s first line of dialogue here in this section immediately conjured that scene from the reader''s memory. As the story progressed, Tabitha would ease back and only allude to previous imagery or build ever so slightly upon them, using less words to greater effect each time because the ¡®set pieces¡¯ and ¡®production value¡¯ now already existed in the reader''s imagination. Many of the more complete notes were almost too verbose to follow, but more than the technical difficulty of interpreting it all, there was just something sanitized and clinical about all of this story authoring that Mrs. Moore found honestly bewildering. It was the unorganized notes Mrs. Moore adored and kept poring over again and again; most of them were meandering rambles, important abstracts that Tabitha hadn¡¯t quite completely organized yet. Each of these seemed like a precious gem that might allow Mrs. Moore to glean better insights into her daughter¡¯s actual feelings and thought processes. She eagerly flipped forward to the next yellow page, completely enthralled.
Giant spiders, such a fantasy cliche! Though I¡¯m loath to follow the common tropes (and yes oh yes I do personally hate spiders. Don¡¯t most people? (Arah arachnophobia to some extent seems very common but then I can fuse that into the fear of heights here, too!)) When a big spider is just a giant monster in a story, it seems like it¡¯s lost the essence of what makes a spider scary, to me. Spiders should be written more like ambush predators! Just ominiou ominous tension. Hidden and unseen. If the characters can see it, then it¡¯s already too late! I¡¯ve always been most fascinated by their webs. Spiderwebs are just so beautiful and interesting and I never feel like a fiction I¡¯ve read before has really done them proper justice. The web aspect itself. Not just spiders. How the webs are constructed, how they work, the function and the why. The beautiful natural geometry to them. But it¡¯s not even just all that, either. There¡¯s something always a little magical about them to me. When I was very very young (3rd grade? 4th?) I remember we went on this random fun trip to a flea market, and there was this one stand where the artist was selling those airbrushed VAN ART style paintings. Fairies with butterfly wings and spiderwebs on flowers and tigers sitting on mushrooms and rainbow colored smoke that (IN HINDSIGHT) probably represented marijuana clouds or something. Obv don¡¯t want to go all in on THAT sort of thing but borrowing from aesthetics that leave a strong impression on people can be vital! Explore alt art styles with Alicia? ANYWAYS wanted to focus more on the web, scary tightrope-walk sort of thing, and have the spider itself be more of an unseen threat/tension that hangs over them. The trial itself is obv a metaphor, mostly building upon some of the ¡®goblin¡¯ tenets already presented. Protagonist needs to just soak all of that in, and then decide what to adopt and what to overcome. I guess deep down, so do I.
Mrs. Moore rocked back in her seat at the memory of taking a very young little Tabitha to the flea market. It had been a fair drive away across Sandborough, over forty-five minutes, and she only remembered the whole place as being crowded and unpleasant. The rows of stalls had been beneath the roof of a long covered pavilion, but it was still too sweaty and humid. Their little Tabby had gotten hungry and started whining for one of the disgusting overpriced hot dogs some filthy vendor was selling, and personally Mrs. Moore been resolved to never allow their family another trip to the flea market. So, they¡¯d never visited the place again after that. But, she wrote here that she remembered it was fun, Mrs. Moore seemed flabbergasted. Never even considered what it might have been like to her little eyes. To her it wasn¡¯t awful, it was just this exciting new experience. Part of her fresh narrative. All these years, and we never ever even talked about the flea market again. Talked about going ANYWHERE. These notes of hers, they¡¯re not a diary, but then somehow... they also are. There were also sections that Mrs. Moore couldn¡¯t make any sense of at all.
At the time of my original first draft, SILK ROAD was pretty much already a buzzword because of the darkweb marketplace thing, but I always appreciated the name recognition of its more historical origins as a trade route. Maybe if my books take off this time, my own silk road will earn a place in the etymology of the term on a wiki page somewhere?
Darkweb marketplace... thing? Shannon repeated to herself, rereading over the phrase again for any context clue she¡¯d missed. I¡¯ve never heard of anything like that. Silk road? Wiki? What in the heck is a wiki page? Although Tabitha did occasionally misspell things, all of the errors thus far had already been caught and struck through, likely long before this notebook came into Mrs. Moore¡¯s hands. Wiki might have instead been shorthand for something¡ªbut, she couldn¡¯t imagine what it might be. Wiki? Her guesses leapt all the way from the city of Wichita in Kansas to bamboo tiki torches, with no concrete way of connecting different possible meanings into something she could make any heads or tails of. While Tabitha¡¯s story itself was written in fairly simple parlance as it was intended for an audience of a certain age range, her unorganized scribbles were often downright strange. Seemingly made-up parlance and methods of expression for who-knows-what were common, and the notes also fell into a strange habit of mixing tenses so incomprehensibly that it was difficult to tell whether they were referencing an occurrence that happened in the past, or one that would perhaps happen someday in the future. Tabitha didn¡¯t seem to be able to mentally separate observation from speculation¡ªbut, for some reason none of her casual assertions seemed born from childish naivete, either. Something about it all seemed very off to Mrs. Moore, but it was difficult for her to put her finger on exactly why. Also, whenever the word ¡®goblin¡¯ pops up in her notes, there¡¯s this STIGMA of inferiority to it. I feel like I should maybe talk with her about that. But then, at the same time¡ª it¡¯s like where to even begin? I need someone to have that talk with ME. It¡¯s like seeing Tabitha elaborate on all of these concepts really strikes home how many of my own issues I¡¯ve yet to ever unpack. It¡¯s intimidating that she¡¯s capable of writing these things out. That she gets herself so intent on not leaving anything out that may be important to her story, her own narrative¡­ Mrs. Moore¡¯s thoughts couldn¡¯t help but keep returning to the idea of narrative. Her own book of Shannon Delain had obviously already closed¡ªit was long since over and done with. But after such a long¡ª too long¡ªperiod of suffering through self-loathing and drowning herself in what she now recognized was severe clinical depression, a new narrative was beginning for her. One that began that late night epiphany after she¡¯d cooked that godawful broccoli¡ªor, maybe it really started with the unexpected clashes she had arguing with Tabitha over the summer. Maybe I started into my new identity when I decided to start walking in the mornings, Mrs. Moore mused. That was a big change¡ªfeeling resolved about anything at all. Maybe it was the moment I made love to Alan again, after so long. SO damned long! Maybe this real Shannon Moore came about when we thought we¡¯d lost our baby girl, and who knows? Maybe who I¡¯ll be, what I¡¯ll be all about is something still up in the air, something that¡¯s still undecided, something that¡¯s yet to come to pass. She hadn¡¯t actually started considering it all until the Moore family attended that church service. Some of her fears about presenting herself socially again reared up and absolutely suffocated her, while other fears instead seemed to fall away like they¡¯d never existed at all. Was there some sort of dissociation at play? Or, was it because she¡¯d begun to untangle her current narrative from the dead weight of Shannon Delain? It was so strange feeling alive again, feeling purpose and drive again after so long, feeling herself transform. Strange and more than a little terrifying, especially realizing how many years she¡¯d wasted completely. But, Mrs. Moore needed this change. Her family was growing, and she was determined to be a much better mother. Both Tabitha and their new child deserved so much more than the half-hearted parenting Mrs. Moore had displayed before¡ªthey needed a family. All of the children did, even these four brats Tabitha was playing with across the yard. Her nephews had gone from little terrors she couldn¡¯t stand to even think about to becoming family. And they¡¯re all LISTENING to her, instead of just running amuck, Mrs. Moore thought, shaking her head in amusement as she let herself grow distracted by what the kids were getting up to again. I just¡­ I can¡¯t even fathom what sort of dance that¡¯s supposed to be, when she has the boys step and wave around their arms all together like that!
The four young boys were arrayed in a line on the frigid November mulch of the playground, each in identical stances with one fist extended outwards and held in a punch, the other drawn low and tucked in against their body. It felt silly realizing how proud of each of them Tabitha was, and how emotional she got at seeing them now. Today, her four elementary-school cousins were standing still. It seemed like a watershed moment to her, because until this day, no, until this very hour, Joshua, Aiden, Samuel, and Nicholas had been restless fidgets, unable to contain the endlessly distracted energy of their own youth. Her own expectations had been set from her time helping wrangle in the little ones at Lee¡¯s Taekwondo studio in her past life, and she knew exactly how difficult children were to corral. She¡¯d only even managed to teach the Moore cousins some dozen odd practice sessions, so it was as if they¡¯d grown more disciplined after her not-so-brief stay of absence when she¡¯d been hospitalized. ¡°I¡¯m very impressed,¡± Tabitha praised them, striding down the line of stoic boys as though she were a general inspecting her troops. ¡°You¡¯ve all kept practicing.¡± ¡°We¡¯re gonna be karate masters,¡± Sam revealed. ¡°I figure, since we started out learning real young like this, we¡¯ll be martial art masters by the time we¡¯re grown-up.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll be legendary masters, and nobody will be able to beat us,¡± Joshua added with a look of glee. ¡°We¡¯ll always win, no matter what!¡± ¡°Who are you going to be fighting?¡± Tabitha asked with a wry smile, stepping in and gently correcting Aiden¡¯s posture. ¡°Bad guys? Criminal thugs?¡± ¡°Monsters,¡± Aiden said. Amused, Tabitha was tempted for a moment to make a glib remark referencing Power Rangers villains, but she realized she didn¡¯t remember what the bad guys were called in that show. She wasn¡¯t sure that she¡¯d ever known. ¡°Sshh,¡± Nick hissed. ¡°There¡¯s no such thing as monsters. We¡¯re gonna be green berets and fight in the military.¡± Their buzz-cuts from the past summer had grown out into shaggy hair that fell upon each of the cousin¡¯s foreheads. Grandma Laurie would occasionally single out one of the boys to sit on the stool at the counter and trim away whatever tiny bit was annoying her, but the speed at which they were all growing seemed to outpace the old woman¡¯s ability to fuss over them. All four of them were sprouting up like unruly weeds, just like in Tabitha¡¯s previous lifetime. At least in this life they seem a bit less out-of-control, Tabitha observed. They all seem a bit neater, more well behaved¡ªthey were obnoxious little hooligans back then. Or, maybe I¡¯ve just become biased by how much more time I¡¯ve spent with them? Now they¡¯re MY little hooligans. ¡°The military,¡± Tabitha repeated in amusement. ¡°You¡¯re joining the army, and you¡¯ll use taekwondo. To fight against¡­?¡± ¡°The other military,¡± Nick answered. ¡°Special forces. Death squad commandos. The bad guys. Germans¡ªyou know, the Nazis.¡± ¡°I think you may be a couple generations too late to storm the beaches, there,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°That was back in World War two.¡± ¡°Well, there¡¯s the Russian Nazis, too,¡± Samuel added helpfully. ¡°Like in Red Dawn.¡± ¡°Those were Soviets, also extinct now, and¡ªRed Dawn, who let you boys watch Red Dawn?!¡± Tabitha demanded in exasperation. ¡°Aren¡¯t you a little young for¡ªyou¡¯re talking about the original Red Dawn, with Charlie Sheen and Patrick Swayze?!¡± ¡°We have it on tape,¡± Nick shrugged. ¡°The one that starts with all the parachute troopers all landing in at the high school, and then the one like, shoots all across the windows with an automatic machine gun and one of the high schoolers watching gets shot, right in the head! You can see him dead right there in the next scene¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªAnd then there¡¯s this one bad guy with a rocket launcher,¡± Sam added, ¡°and they¡¯re all trying to get away in the one brother¡¯s truck¡ª¡± ¡°Wolverines!¡± Aiden cried out, making a shiiing noise under his breath as he held out both fists in imitation of the famous X-men character with adamantium claws. ¡°I... think I may have to go through your VHS tapes at some point,¡± Tabitha decided, shaking her head with a wry expression. ¡°Next stance, please.¡± The four boys stepped forward as one, drawing back the extended fist in unison and then swiping in their opposite hand in a lateral chop. The two youngest threw themselves into it with a bit too much enthusiasm and ended up with their feet in the wrong stance, so Tabitha patiently oriented herself to face in their direction. One demonstration of the proper distribution of weight was enough for them to pick up on their mistake and right themselves. Turning back around to regard the four boys, that feeling of pride surged up again and it was hard to even be cross at them. ¡°I suppose at your age you¡¯ve seen all kinds of rated-R movies,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Sex, violence? Swearing, nudity?¡± All four of them nodded in eager agreement. It was a little jarring¡ªin some ways, Tabitha felt like her cousins treated her like an adult, but in other ways it was as if she was just a bigger kid, one that it was okay to confide in with things they thought would impress big kids. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. ¡°There¡¯s a lady with three boobies in Total Recall,¡± Nicholas boasted. ¡°Don¡¯t tell her that¡ªTabby¡¯s a girl!¡± Samuel hissed his brother silent. ¡°Oh yeah,¡± Nick clamped his mouth shut. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Next position,¡± Tabitha instructed, rolling her eyes. ¡°Turn, knee up in the air¡ªhold it there for a moment¡ªnow, side-kick, and, down into the next stance. Good¡ªgood, very good.¡± To her continued surprise, they were doing well, they all kept perfect balance without wavering as they pointed one knee in the air and then flashed out a kick before landing. The kicks themselves weren¡¯t quite there yet, their feet didn¡¯t quite snap out cleanly or hit with power just yet, but the boys had all come a long way and had clearly been practicing their forms. I haven¡¯t even heard about them hurting each other! ¡°I¡¯m definitely going to go through whatever tapes your dad left behind... but, I¡¯m not going to take any of them away,¡± Tabitha decided. ¡°You¡¯re boys, and all the shooting and blood and explosions and action whatnot will just seem cool to you. You¡¯re young enough that I don¡¯t think you¡¯ll really fixate on boobies, just yet. So long as you all act appropriately and I don¡¯t catch you picking up swear-words, you boys watch whatever you like. Did you know your Auntie Shannon was almost an actress?¡± ¡°We know,¡± Sam replied. ¡°Grandma always tells us.¡± ¡°Tabby¡ªI have a question,¡± Aiden relaxed out of his stance. ¡°If you¡¯re so good at karate¡ªuhh, taekwondo like this, how did you even get attacked even in the first place?¡± ¡°Aiden, God¡ªshush up,¡± Samuel gave the cousin a glare. ¡°You don¡¯t ask stuff like that! Sheesh.¡± ¡°Yeah, the other girl had a baseball bat¡ªwhat was Tabby supposed to do? You can¡¯t beat a baseball bat with your bare hands,¡± Nicholas retorted. ¡°Idiot.¡± ¡°Shut up, both of you,¡± Samuel insisted, casting a wary glance towards Tabitha. ¡°Why don¡¯t we¡­ take a little break,¡± Tabitha suggested after swallowing back a nervous flutter. ¡°I would like to talk to all of you about it... clear up some misunderstandings.¡± Inspecting the patch of earth beneath her for a moment and absentmindedly brushing the skirting of her dress with both hands, Tabitha carefully lowered herself down to the chilly ground and then arranged her legs beside her. The boys, they gracelessly dropped down and clambered over to gather close around her¡ªas little kids, they were as comfortable rolling around in dirty playground mulch as they were their own bedcovers. ¡°Okay. To begin with¡ªI started learning taekwondo strictly for exercise and weight loss,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I didn¡¯t set out to become some sort of fighter. I never planned on or wanted involved in anything confrontational or dangerous. Never imagined it would ever happen.¡± All four young cousins stared at her with what she thought of as blank expressions, and once again she felt the twinge of that massive age gap between them that spanned across decades and decades all the way into the inscrutable future. Culturally, mentally, and even psychologically it sometimes felt like there was a chasm there between them that simply could not be bridged by any explanations she might ever offer. Perhaps most jarring of all, the ripples of change she affected on the timeline might mean that the era her mindset came about from might in fact never come about quite the same way again. But, I¡¯ll just go crazy if I keep worrying about that, Tabitha tried to fight down her anxiety again. I can¡¯t change the world. Right? I mean, nine-eleven, Afghanistan, and the Iraqi war? They¡¯re too big for me. I¡¯m just a teenage girl in Kentucky. The coronavirus pandemic, the One-China war? Somalia getting burned off the map, the liberation of North Korea... I¡¯m just one girl! All I can do is the best I can, for the people I care about. ¡°So, of course when something did actually happen¡ªI wasn¡¯t ready. I completely froze up,¡± Tabitha continued in a solemn voice, looking each of her young cousins in the eye, one by one. ¡°Knowing all of the moves by heart, being able to go through forms with grace and precision¡ªthat doesn¡¯t translate into me automatically being some amazing fighter. Actually applying what I¡¯ve learned in real-life situations, I couldn¡¯t do that yet. Still can¡¯t. It honestly wasn¡¯t something I was that prepared for¡ªbecause I didn¡¯t even want to be in a fight, ever. Didn¡¯t imagine it happening. As stupid as it sounds now, I still don¡¯t see it happening.¡± ¡°To be able to actually use taekwondo in real-life practical situations, you need to run through self-defense drills over and over and over, until moves become instinct. In the heat of a real-life threat moment, you won¡¯t have time to think about them¡ªI know I didn¡¯t. You also need practice sparring against another person, to learn how to read an actual opponent and learn to react to what they¡¯re doing. I¡¯ve done neither¡ªI would be the equivalent of a yellow-belt in taekwondo. ¡°For starters, I¡¯ve had you boys learning all the taekwondo stances and the moves¡ªI¡¯m not going to have you fighting each other until I can afford protective equipment. I won¡¯t allow you boys to fight each other. It is very easy to get hurt or to hurt someone else, and the rule of the real world... is that getting hurt is expensive and it sucks. Okay?¡± Tabitha hefted her left arm¡ªstill in its cast¡ªfor emphasis, but with bitter humor she realized she probably didn¡¯t have to. From the reaction of the four boys, the word expensive seemed to spook them even more, and that seemed to tell her a lot about their situation of poverty. I¡¯m working on that, too. ¡°In the coming year, I¡¯m going to get all four of you enrolled in the Taekwondo place in town,¡± Tabitha announced. ¡°Lee¡¯s Martial Arts, next to the Food Lion. I have a bit of money coming in from those lawsuits, and I can afford it if you¡¯re all going to take it seriously and not fool around.¡± The news seemed to thrill the boys, and Tabitha got some small measure of satisfaction in the way they twisted to look at each other with wide eyes before their attention returned to her. ¡°Your parents¡­¡± Tabitha set her jaw for a moment, somewhat unwilling to badmouth those lowlifes in front of the boys. ¡°They aren¡¯t really looking out for your future. They¡¯re caught up in their own messes, right now. But, you¡¯re family, and you deserve better. Grandma can take care of you, and I¡¯m going to do my best to make sure you have the tools you need to get wherever you want to go in life. Practicing martial arts now, learning discipline and control will be good for your body and mind¡ªif you at some point want to do football instead, or soccer, or find an interest in¡­ I don¡¯t know, carpentry, or art, or even if you want to join the military and serve¡ªI¡¯m going to help you. All of you.¡± She wasn¡¯t sure what reactions to expect in the first place, but the boys mostly looked thoughtful¡ªbut puzzled. Did they think she was grandstanding, now that she had money coming her way? It was hard for her to tell. Were they too young to really understand their own situation and the significance of what she was saying? Tabitha couldn¡¯t really discern that either. It doesn¡¯t really matter. I¡¯m being open with them, and whatever they wind up thinking about it, that¡¯s up to them. ¡°What do you wanna do?¡± Joshua pressed. ¡°When you grow up. Are you going to go do taekwondo too? Like, with us at the taekwondo place?¡± ¡°Do I want to learn more taekwondo? I... honestly don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Whatever you might think of me or see me as, and despite what my mother thinks, I¡¯m not a movie star or novel protagonist with this iron will or limitless grit and determination, or anything like that. My transformation over this past summer had a lot more to do with my obsessing over my weight and appearance and that turning into¡­ well, something like a compulsive disorder.¡± ¡°Your taekwondo was¡­ a disorder?¡± Samuel gave her a look of disbelief. ¡°I hated myself for being fat and unattractive and unpopular, and that hate turned into fear, and that fear motivated me into change. Well, ¡®motivated,¡¯¡± Tabitha bitterly used her fingers to make air-quotes. ¡°But, being thinner and prettier didn¡¯t magically give me confidence around other people, and it didn¡¯t magically make me popular like I thought it would¡ªit just put me in the game, put me at the starting line. Then, it turned out the game isn¡¯t actually fun to play once you¡¯re in it, the rules are nasty and whether you¡¯re winning or losing it¡¯s stressful and cutthroat and¡ª Tabitha stopped herself and remembered the four cousins who were listening to her without interrupting. ¡°Okay, sorry. I¡¯m just rambling now,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°There¡¯s so many things I just kind of need to get off my chest and talk about with someone, but they¡¯re kinda too embarrassing for me to bring up with Alicia or Elena.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Joshua said. ¡°Yeah, say whatever you want.¡± ¡°Yeah, you can tell us,¡± Sam encouraged. ¡°Talk about whatever you want. We don¡¯t care about being popular.¡± ¡°Popular kids suck,¡± Nick griped. ¡°Like Max, in my class at school, he thinks he¡¯s all better than everyone. Popular kids are just all full of themselves¡ªbut actually nobody really even cares. They¡¯re just dumb!¡± ¡°Yeah, dumb jerks,¡± Aiden agreed. ¡°I just feel¡­¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but feel flustered. ¡°It¡¯s awkward, I was worried you guys have like, built me up into some unstoppable super big-sister figure, and I didn¡¯t want to destroy that for you. But, I also¡ªI just want to be real with you boys, not have to put on a front or anything. You¡¯re family.¡± ¡°Is Elena popular?¡± Aiden mused, tapping a finger against his lip. ¡°She seems like that kinda popular person who¡¯s all into that.¡± ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s blonde,¡± Nicholas nodded. ¡°Blondes are always the most popular. Like cheerleaders and stuff.¡± ¡°I think it used to be important to her,¡± Tabitha said, idly picking at the mulch with her fingertips and letting a smile play across her face. ¡°When she first approached me, she was¡ªweird. Facetious, I didn¡¯t like it. Like she was being friendly but not really friendly, like she was going through all the motions but not really¡­ it¡¯s hard to put into words. She was treating it like a business agreement? Or an alliance, or something. A mutual agreement to leverage each other for further popularity or¡­ something. Whenever I think I start to understand it, I wish I hadn¡¯t.¡± ¡°Fashefous?¡± Aiden screwed up his face in puzzlement at the word. ¡°Leverage?¡± ¡°Beverage,¡± Joshua corrected helpfully. ¡°Sorry, um. Facetious means being fake, putting on an act,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Beverage means something you drink, leverage is¡­ I don¡¯t even really know how to describe it. Using each other? Utilizing someone or something to best effect?¡± ¡°Being fake means you¡¯re not really friends,¡± Nick pointed out. ¡°So wait, is she not¡ªare you and Elena not real friends?¡± ¡°No, we are now, I think,¡± Tabitha sussed. ¡°It¡¯s hard to even put a finger on when it actually happened¡ªit just did. She¡¯s changed a ton¡ªshe¡¯s not even blonde anymore actually, she dyed her hair black! I feel like we¡¯re both kinda figuring ourselves out together.¡± ¡°What about Alicia?¡± Aiden asked. ¡°She¡¯s just weird.¡± ¡°What¡¯s weird about Alicia?!¡± Tabitha put on an affronted look. ¡°She likes Star Wars, and she¡¯s weird,¡± Aiden said. ¡°Girls don¡¯t like Star Wars.¡± ¡°I like Star Wars!¡± Tabitha argued. ¡°I probably know more about Star Wars than all of you combined!¡± ¡°What¡¯s the name of the desert planet?¡± Joshua challenged. ¡°Tattooey,¡± Tabitha answered without hesitation. ¡°It¡¯s Tatooine,¡± Joshua said. ¡°Tatooine. Luke grew up there. Jabba¡¯s castle was there, too.¡± ¡°Whatever, I knew what it was¡ªit sounds like Tattooey whenever they say it in the movies.¡± ¡°Swamp planet,¡± Nick pressed. ¡°Swamp planet is¡ªDagobah,¡± Tabitha had even more confidence in that one. ¡°Ice planet?¡± Joshua demanded. ¡°Ice planet is¡ªI don¡¯t think the ice planet really had a name,¡± Tabitha confessed. ¡°The Rebel base was Echo base, but it was supposed to be on some uncharted planet way out hidden away from everyone.¡± ¡°The ice planet is Hoth, but¡­ she did know it was Echo base, so she definitely knows more Star Wars than a girl,¡± Samuel frowned, seemingly invested in her level of knowledge and authority on the subject. ¡°But she didn¡¯t even know it was Hoth, and we all do,¡± Joshua crossed his arms. ¡°So, we know more, actually.¡± ¡°She¡¯s a girl and she knew Dagobah and Echo Base, though,¡± Nicholas deliberated. ¡°That¡¯s already really good, right?¡± ¡°You¡¯ve seen the teasers on TV for the upcoming Star Wars movie by now, right?¡± Tabitha struggled to suppress a grin. ¡°What if I told you¡­ that I¡¯ve already seen Episode One; The Phantom Menace?¡± ¡°How?¡± Samuel¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°How¡ª¡± Joshua jumped up. ¡°When? Where?!¡± To her surprise, the boys didn¡¯t seem skeptical at all. She¡¯d honestly expected them to scoff at her and need some evidence or convincing, but apparently her image in their minds as an unstoppable superheroine hadn¡¯t been shaken down just yet. On the one hand, she still had mixed feelings about them putting her up on a pedestal to revere, but then on the other¡ª when it came to giving them a better future this time, she was willing to become a hero for them. Last time only Aiden and Nicholas even graduated high school, Tabitha schooled her expression into a forced smile. Joshua died somewhere in 2015, I didn¡¯t even go to his funeral. Samuel from what I heard was doing drugs and in and out of prison his whole life, just like his parents. That¡¯s NOT going to happen this time. ¡°My friend¡¯s dad works for Nintendo,¡± Tabitha answered with a straight face. ¡°We get to sneak in and see a bunch of movies before they come out.¡±
Of all things, Mr. Moore thought to himself, I shouldn¡¯t be worried about the money. Closing the door of his truck with a half-hearted gesture, he took a moment to appreciate the way their sparse little yard looked now. He¡¯d had mixed feelings about Tabby picking up so much slack around the house in the past half-year. From inside to out, everything was spic and span and up to shape, and some of the pointed questions she¡¯d been asking suggested that if left to her own devices, his daughter would also begin tackling some of electrical and plumbing work. Having spent years as a handyman and working now as a general contractor, Alan Moore was more than aware of the irony of leaving so many of his own basic home maintenance tasks undone. Many of those in the industry, however, understood¡ªafter a long, hard day at work, the very last thing anyone wanted to do was come home to more work. It was rare that he didn¡¯t clock out completely exhausted, and failing to relax in his off hours put him in a cycle of punishment he always wound up paying for. Hands on his hips, Mr. Moore took the time to walk around the lot and survey some of the changes again. Their lawn was currently looking a little threadbare after the weeding, but what remained was all good grass. An area near the back of the yard had been cordoned off with the old bricks from the shed, creating two rectangular areas of bare earth that would apparently be the future site of their vegetable garden; one on either side, with a footpath between them towards the shed doors. Back behind the shed, an additional place had been cleared for their composting heap. Tabitha had dubbed that area the Moore family F-22 aviation scrapyard¡ªhe¡¯d seen her let slip an almost manic-sounding giggle, and then watched with eyebrows raised as she admonished herself. Put her good hand to her temple and said ¡®okay, actually not funny, though.¡¯ Teenage girls continued to mystify him. He hadn¡¯t understood them back when he was a teen, and as the years flew by, he realized it was smart to just assume anything he ever thought he knew was miles and miles off the mark. They were strange and often cruel creatures¡ªTabitha excepted, of course, as his little girl she was of course both perfect and also an angel. They all seemed to speak in riddles or some sort of code, however, and generally teenage girls seemed to be a rollercoaster of emotions that never let you figure out what was what. For better or worse, you were just along for the ride. Could probably pick up some of that decorative brick I keep walkin¡¯ by at Home Depot, Mr. Moore mused as he absentmindedly scuffed the toe of his boot against one of the upturned clods of earth at the edge of the garden. Bet she¡¯d be tickled pink to have stepping stones for this little path. I can tell her it was just leftover junk from some contracting job and that whoever all was just gettin¡¯ rid of it. Tabitha in particular was extremely sensitive to costs, seemed to be ever since they¡¯d had that sit-down with her about allowance over this past summer. Money had always been such a touchy subject in their household, and because of that, the big sum of settlement money coming their way was troubling in a lot of ways. Unlike his brother Danny, Alan Moore didn¡¯t put much stock in getting rich and living that kind of life. In fact, because of his brother¡¯s naked greed constantly getting him into awful fixes, Mr. Moore had what he thought of as a deep understanding of the often-overlooked pitfalls of wealth. This was Kentucky; any of the men he worked with, for instance, would immediately buy a bigger truck with that money, whether or not they needed one. And, as soon as one of them drove up in the newest F-150, well, then suddenly everyone else felt like they needed one, too¡ªit was as asinine as a bunch of bickering women compelled to show off those luxury brand purses. Was the F-150 a good truck? Of course it was. But, was spending all that ridiculous kind of money on having the newest thing any kind of necessity? Half the value fell right off of the darn things the moment they drove out of the dealer¡¯s lot¡ªand what was the point? In another year there¡¯d be a newer, bigger best truck. And so on, and so forth. Wasn¡¯t it more important to learn to appreciate the truck you have? Mr. Moore frowned, giving the empty garden beds one last lingering look before he headed inside to see his girls. What will THIS kind of money comin¡¯ in do to a thirteen-year-old girl? Mr. Moore worried. One who¡¯s grown up in¡ªwell, I know the place we have here isn¡¯t the best. I know she deserves every red cent of it for what all she¡¯s been put through, but at the same time, I¡¯m just afraid that¡­ He didn¡¯t know quite how to articulate his fears. Money had a way of changing people, and learning not to let it control your life was a hard lesson for anyone to learn. Many never learned, and to them, money was the be-all and end-all. The Moores had their own financial ups and downs and hadn¡¯t always been poor; Alan Moore¡¯s father was a war veteran and they¡¯d in fact been a pretty well-off family, growing up. As the times got leaner, however, that seemed to affect the pair of brothers in completely different ways. Danny began to obsess over money, while Alan¡ª Well, guess I was too simple to get into all that. Was too busy chasin¡¯ after the girl of my dreams, Mr. Moore wore a slight smile as he opened up the door. Everyone said I was a damned fool with his head up in the clouds, that she was out of my league. And every-a-one of them was right. Both his beautiful wife and his adorable little daughter were sitting in the living room together, one in the chair and the other on the sofa. As he stepped inside, the pair of them looked up from their reading and rewarded him with beaming smiles. Constant change had characterized what he thought of as home for the past months, most of it good. The place was bright and open and all cleaned up, his girls seemed happier, and Mrs. Moore even had a meaningful look for him instead of ignoring his entrance in favor of staring at the TV like a zombie like she used to for all hours. The meaningful look was an even more recent development, as his wife getting caught up in Tabby¡¯s fitness and dieting craze was somehow bringing the woman¡¯s confidence and libido stirring back to life. To him she¡¯d always been stunning, even with the extra weight, but nowadays she just seemed to light up and be more there, as if she¡¯d been in a fugue for years and years and was only now really coming back to herself. It made her seem young again. ¡°How¡¯re my lovely ladies today?¡± Mr. Moore asked, shrugging off his coat. ¡°Gettin¡¯ up to mischief?¡± ¡°We spent the day with the boys,¡± Tabitha answered with a wry smile. ¡°I was very careful. I didn¡¯t do any running around, or any hand-springs, or hand-stands, or cartwheels, or back flips, or anything fun, even though I really wanted to. You¡¯d be proud of me.¡± ¡°That¡¯s good to hear, Honey,¡± Mr. Moore nodded in approval. ¡°You leave them circus acrobatics to the boys.¡± ¡°Circus acrobatics!¡± Tabby repeated in an indignant snort, flicking her hair with a turn of her head. ¡°Hmph!¡± ¡°You just remember the doctor¡¯s orders,¡± Mr. Moore chided her. ¡°So, don¡¯t you be readin¡¯ too hard, neither. That goes for the both of you!¡± ¡°¡°Yes, Dad,¡±¡± both of the girls answered¡ªalthough one of them with a very teenage eye roll, and the other with that rather meaningful look in her eye again. You cool it with those bedroom eyes, Missy¡ªdon¡¯t you even get me started on that OTHER predicament we¡¯ve gotten ourselves into! That issue was even more enormous than the ludicrous settlement money, but still a distant ways off¡ªright now, Mr. Moore¡¯s concerns extended as far as his daughter¡¯s immediate health and the happiness and mental well-being for both her and his wife. ¡°Either of you¡¯ns decide what we¡¯re gonna do for Thanksgiving?¡± Mr. Moore probed. ¡°Thanksgivin¡¯ with Grammy and the boys, or Thanksgivin¡¯ over with the Macintires?¡± ¡°Oof,¡± Tabitha groaned, clutching at her stomach in mock indecision. ¡°I want to say both, but I also don¡¯t want to put on weight. Can we¡­ can we have two Thanksgivings?¡± ¡°Alan, just listen to her!¡± Mrs. Moore shook her head in dismay. ¡°Two Thanksgivings, now?!¡± ¡°If you¡¯re lookin¡¯ for me to be the voice of reason here, you¡¯ve got the wrong guy,¡± Mr. Moore chuckled, holding up his hands. ¡°We really do have about that much to be thankful for this year. Might need two Thanksgivings just to fit it all in.¡± Women, to him, were social creatures¡ªthey thrived on making connections with other people. Friends, family, meeting people and establishing relationships, opening up a dialogue and just talking each other¡¯s ears off about this and that helped them actualize themselves in ways that were well over his head. He didn¡¯t characterize himself as any sort of social type, really, but he¡¯d seen that his girls opening up so much in the past months had created miracles. He wasn¡¯t above helping nudge them along in that direction whenever opportunity arose. ¡°Two Thanksgivings it is, then!¡± Tabitha declared with a wistful sigh. ¡°Can¡¯t miss out on one with Grandma Laurie and the boys, and then I also can¡¯t say no to Hannah. I¡¯m just going to have to be that much more careful with how much I eat.¡± A part of him wanted to take comfort in knowing that his Tabby had such a damned good head on her shoulders. Surely she wasn¡¯t going to let the incoming settlement money change her¡ªand, if she did? She would still be his daughter, and he would love her no matter what. Careful to not let the matters weighing so heavily on his mind rise up into his expression, Mr. Moore dropped his keys and wallet into the tray on the ledge where he always did, and then began kicking off his boots. No matter what, it was always good to be home.
Loud, insistent banging sounds startled Tabitha awake and she jerked against her covers, staring without comprehension into the darkness of her room. It seemed to be the dead of night, and being so suddenly roused had her blinking in a daze. There was a moment of silence, just long enough for her to doubt what she thought she¡¯d heard, and then¡ªbang bang bang bang bang it resounded out again. This time she could identify the unpleasant noise. It wasn¡¯t a stray cat on the roof again, it wasn¡¯t a neighborhood squabble a few doors down, and¡ªheaven forbid¡ªit wasn¡¯t even her parents fooling around in the bedroom. Someone was outside their trailer and knocking insistently on the aluminum of their front door. At this hour¡­? Tabitha half-rose, unwilling to throw back the covers once she felt the chill in the air. What¡ªwhat time even IS it? Again the bang bang bang of someone¡¯s fist rattled their front door, and Tabitha turned back her covers and sat up in alarm, pulling her legs free and preparing to¡ªshe paused as she heard Mr. Moore swearing under his breath and opening the door down the hall. Unfounded fear and a bit of adrenaline wiped away the last traces of her drowsiness and all at once Tabitha was completely alert¡ªbut frozen in place, straining her ears as she heard her father¡¯s footsteps stumble past her door and out towards the living room to see what the late-night commotion was. Who would bother us this late at night? Tabitha wondered. The neighbors? The POLICE? Did something bad happen? To who?! What could be so important that¡ª Her disoriented mind raced from possibility to possibility. Could one of the boys have gotten hurt somehow? Or had something happened to Grandma Laurie? To Elena, or Alicia? Nothing much stood out in memory from this time period in her last life except Uncle Danny being arrested and the South Main shooting. But, that didn¡¯t mean anything anymore, either¡ªTabitha blundering around through this timeline had potentially changed anything and everything. Beneath her bedroom door a strip of light shone as the living room light was flicked on, and she heard the front door open. ¡°Oh thank gawd,¡± A grating but somewhat familiar woman¡¯s voice jarred Tabitha out of her thoughts. ¡°Christ, Alan, lemme in! I¡¯m liable to freeze my tits off, out here! Y¡¯all are even lockin¡¯ your door, now?! Things sure do change fast!¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s almost midnight,¡± Tabitha heard her father say. ¡°All yer lights were off, I was ¡®fraid y''all¡¯d packed on up and moved someplace else without tellin¡¯ me a word!¡± the woman complained. ¡°What were y¡¯all doin¡¯, didn¡¯cha hear me knocking?! I was fixin¡¯ to break a window just to get in! Hold on¡ªI gotta take myself a piss.¡± To Tabitha¡¯s bewilderment, the woman¡¯s voice was closer now, as if Mr. Moore had let her into the living room. Which surely couldn¡¯t be possible. Tabitha couldn¡¯t make any sense of what was going on. In her shocked silence, she listened on as unsteady footfalls sounded just outside her bedroom door, and she heard a hand smack against the hallway wall as if someone was using it to catch their balance. She¡¯s¡ªwho IS this¡ª she¡¯s just letting herself in to use our bathroom?! ¡°Lisa, it¡¯s almost midnight!¡± Mr. Moore rebuked the woman in a harsh whisper. Lisa¡ªAUNT LISA?!! Tabitha leapt to her feet at the realization, immediately overcome by white-hot anger. This can¡¯t be happening. This CAN¡¯T fucking be happening. No. No. No no no no no. ¡°Hold on a second Al, I gotta piss!¡± Lisa loudly announced. ¡°Lisa, it¡¯s just about¡ªit¡¯s eleven forty-five at night,¡± Mr. Moore didn¡¯t sound any happier than Tabitha was about the unwelcome intrusion. ¡°You can¡¯t just¡ª¡± The sound of the toilet seat slamming down had Tabitha gritting her teeth, and hearing the clink of her Aunt undoing her belt¡ªit was all too easy to picture the enormous COUNTRY GIRL belt buckle the woman sometimes sported, with its machine-stamped confederate flag motif¡ªthrew Tabitha into a fit of rage. How DARE she come back here. At this time of night, at ANY TIME, EVER! ¡°Lisa¡ªLisa, you realize how late it is?¡± Tabitha¡¯s father was standing just outside the bathroom door and seemed to be struggling to lower his voice. ¡°What?¡± Aunt Lisa called back at her same obnoxious volume. ¡°Were y¡¯all asleep?¡± Tabitha smashed her good hand into the lightswitch beside her door, flooding her bedroom with light. The air was frigid, but she didn¡¯t feel the cold right now. In the mirror she saw a teenage girl that she didn¡¯t recognize at all, a hateful glare framed by a mussed tangle of reddish-gold hair, the oversized sweatshirt she¡¯d been sleeping in and her winter pajama bottoms. Tabitha searched her tiny room in desperation for a moment for something to strangle, and in no time at all settled in the plush Flounder pillow from Halloween. She crushed it awkwardly between her hand and her cast, but it offered no respite. She¡¯s here for the money, Tabitha bit down hard to keep herself from grinding her jaw. Of course she¡¯s back for the money. The newspapers all went on and on about the lawsuits. About the settlements. Why the fuck else would SHE come back? She didn¡¯t come back last lifetime, no, not this early. She sure as FUCK didn¡¯t come back for her four fucking children. No¡ªshe¡¯s here for the money. We don¡¯t even HAVE it yet, but here she is. Cradling Flounder against herself with one arm, Tabitha opened her door and stepped out into the hall. Her father was in long johns and gave her an apologetic look colored by his own aggravation, and past him Tabitha caught a glimpse down the hall of a furious Mrs. Moore hurriedly changing into a nightshirt. Satisfied that both of her parents were almost as pissed as she was, Tabitha turned on her heel and stalked out towards the living room. Oh, we¡¯re all going to have a lovely talk about this, Tabitha seethed. This is just like the stories from people who win the lottery¡ªat first it¡¯s all fantastic. Like living a dream, because all of their money problems are over forever. Right? But, then comes the greed, the wretched fucking UGLINESS, then the family or friends or what have you come crawling out of the woodworks, expecting generosity. DEMANDING it. As if Aunt Lisa is entitled to our good fortune, after she fucking abandoned all of us when we were suffering through hardship. Abandoned her own fucking children! It¡¯s unforgivable. I KNOW she¡¯s only back for the money, because last lifetime she didn¡¯t come back for years and years and years after she left. Mr. and Mrs. Moore followed her as far as the kitchen, where they paused to speak with each other in harsh whispers, while Tabitha continued on and took a seat on one end of the couch. It wasn¡¯t easy to contain her fury, and Flounder once again deformed beneath her squeezing hand as she rushed to put her thoughts into order. Aunt Lisa was here. Aunt Lisa was surely going to play every card in her hand, every dirty trick she could, to worm herself into this family and leech off of their apparent new wealth. The thought of it made Tabitha so incredibly angry that she thought she might be sick. ¡°Whew my damn, it¡¯s cold-as-can-be inside, even! BrRrRr!¡± Aunt Lisa chuckled as she swung the bathroom door open and plodded down the hall towards the Moore family. ¡°Thought fer sure y¡¯all¡¯d¡¯ve had some heat runnin¡¯, didn¡¯t ch¡¯all come into all that money?!¡± Hearing the woman even mention money had Tabitha¡¯s frown turn into an immediate scowl, and the sight of her Aunt almost sent Tabitha into a belligerent rage. Aunt Lisa was trashy. Despite the temperatures outside, the peroxide-blonde was wearing a sleeveless top with a plunging neckline that revealed an unhealthy amount of cleavage. As always, the woman¡¯s bra cups were visible, and nothing seemed to fit¡ªshe had crammed herself into that top, and the ragged blue jeans were pinching her midsection into a pronounced muffin-top. Rather than the confederate flag belt buckle Tabitha recalled seeing Aunt Lisa wear in the past, this was a new one, an oversized buckle featuring two crossed pistols and a tacky assortment of stars. ¡°Lisa¡ªwhat¡¯s going on?¡± Mr. Moore demanded. ¡°Y¡¯all weren¡¯t asleepin¡¯, were you?!¡± Aunt Lisa seemed amused as she glanced at each of them. ¡°If I¡¯d¡¯ve known, I wouldn¡¯ta been hollerin¡¯, y¡¯all shoulda said somethin¡¯!¡± The woman waltzed past Mr. and Mrs. Moore where they stood in the kitchen and helped herself to the living room chair across from Tabitha. The light cast from the lamp here was even less flattering¡ªagain, Aunt Lisa was trashy. Her hair looked greasy, pit-stains were visible upon her shirt, her face appeared both oily and caked with makeup at the same time, and a prominent pair of cold sores on her lip weren¡¯t quite hidden beneath the cosmetics. She was clutching a handbag against herself with both hands¡ªimmediately prompting Tabitha to suspect she¡¯d already stolen something¡ªand the combined smell of body odor, cigarette smoke, and stale urine wafted across the living room, as if someone had left open the door of a truckstop¡¯s restroom to air out. No. No no no no. NO, this is NOT happening, Tabitha was livid, and she pointedly glared daggers towards her parents. She is NOT family! ¡°Well yeah we were all asleep, it¡¯s damn near midnight,¡± Mr. Moore groused, putting his hands on his hips. ¡°What on earth¡¯s going on, here?¡± ¡°My word, I¡¯m so sorry!¡± Aunt Lisa pursed her lips into a pout. ¡°I woulda been more quieter if-ins I¡¯da known! I didn¡¯t reckon y¡¯all¡¯d¡¯ve gone ta bed this early! I heard all ¡®bout all yer family¡¯s troubles from my girl Tiffany in Fairfield, an¡¯ I rushed over to come help soon as I could get myself here¡ªsure ain¡¯t easy without a car!¡± Aunt Lisa turned in her seat and looked Tabitha up and down with that false smile of hers that never failed to draw out revulsion. ¡°Lookit you, though! Tabby girl you must sure be on the mend, ¡®cause you look prettier¡¯n I¡¯d a ever thought from all that goin¡¯ on on the news! You look prettier than ever! Just look at you!¡± Please don¡¯t, Tabitha carefully schooled her face into a neutral expression so that her disgust wasn¡¯t as blatantly obvious. Please just¡ªdon¡¯t. ¡°I been workin¡¯ the Wild Wings up in Shelbyville¡ªgood money there! But, I up and dropped everythin¡¯ the minute I heard the word ¡®bout all what y¡¯all been through! I¡¯m so sorry it took me so long to get my way here!¡± Aunt Lisa drawled out. ¡°Tabby, yer damn near famous! You been on the news and everything, even all the way out in Shelbyville we heard about all this nasty business. You gettin¡¯ pushed around at school, then this boy attackin¡¯ you right there in the middle of a Halloween party?! Unbelievable! Unbelievable!¡± Tabitha used all of the acting she¡¯d learned in the past few months to approximate a hesitant smile for her Aunt. ¡°Well y¡¯all don¡¯t need to worry ¡®bout a thing anymore, ¡®cause yer Auntie Lisa¡¯s here!¡± the woman crooned, taking a moment to check and make sure her handbag was still held in close against her body. ¡°Ain¡¯t no one messin¡¯ with my baby niece Tabby while I¡¯m around, no nuh-uh!¡± Now that Tabitha took a closer look, there was a smattering of acne across her Aunt¡¯s brow, and something about the set of her eyes now made her immediate impression come off as more haggard than Tabitha remembered from seeing her last. The tells were all present¡ªfrom the unhealthy skin, her slightly-too-loud voice, the twitchy way she was completely unable to relinquish her grip on her purse. It only took a moment for Tabitha to remember the rather storied end of Aunt Lisa from her past lifetime and spot the puffy pink puncture mark on the inside of her Aunt¡¯s arm. When she knew what to look for, there was another one too, an obvious scab on the woman¡¯s left hand, apparent just between her thumb and forefinger. Great, Tabitha forced a warm smile as her Aunt continued rambling on. Great! Looks like our uninvited guest is already a heroin addict. She¡¯s not staying. She¡¯s NOT family¡ªand she¡¯s not welcome here. We¡¯re getting rid of her. 36: Dilemmas and Deliberation. ¡°Sweetie, you¡¯re growin¡¯ up to bein¡¯ just the prettiest li¡¯l thang!¡± Aunt Lisa praised again, reaching over with a visibly sweaty hand to pinch at Tabitha¡¯s cheek. ¡°C¡¯mon, now. Yer at ¡®bout that age¡ªyou tell yer Aunt Lissie ¡®bout all them boys yer seein¡¯!¡± ¡°Can¡¯t talk about boys,¡± Tabitha leaned back from her Aunt¡¯s grasp in a struggle to keep her composure. ¡°We¡¯d fail the Bechdel test.¡± It was the same joke she¡¯d managed back when first meeting Mrs. Williams, delivered with even less feeling this time. It honestly rankled that the immediate first question some women had for her was whether she was in a relationship, or chasing after a boy, or had herself set on one. That was a joke, because it simply wasn¡¯t how Tabitha defined herself or her life. Maybe that kind of relationship¡ªwith a man or with a woman¡ªwould never even be part of her life. ¡°Hah! Beshul test, that¡¯s tha Kentucky public school system for ya, ahyup, nothin¡¯ but test test test,¡± Lisa guffawed, turning her look of skepticism from Tabitha towards Mrs. Moore. ¡°So, no boys been comin¡¯ round at all? Not a single one?!¡± ¡°She¡¯s... a little young for that still, don¡¯t you think?¡± Mrs. Moore frowned. ¡°She just started high school this year, and between what happened with¡ª¡± ¡°Hell, I got mah cherry popped my first year o¡¯ high school,¡± Lisa boasted. ¡°Was datin¡¯ one of the Seniors, mah Freshman year! Kenny Michaels. He got married an¡¯ lives over by Elk Creek, now. Back then, we¡ª¡± ¡°I-I believe that¡¯s my cue to retire for the night,¡± Tabitha rose from her spot on the living room sofa, still clutching the Flounder pillow against her chest. ¡°Goodnight Mother. Goodnight Father. Goodnight¡­ Aunt Lisa.¡± ¡°Ahyup, beddy-by time for Tabby, you go on and get!¡± Aunt Lisa cackled at Tabitha¡¯s manner of speech. ¡°Retoir for the noight, hah! Listen to her. What a hoot! Nightie-night, girly-girl!¡± Another cold chill crept up Tabitha¡¯s back as she slowly stepped back down the hallway to her bedroom, being extra careful not to stomp. She wanted to stomp, she wanted to throw a fit¡ªshe was so livid about this whole unexpected junkie mess that was dumping itself in their lap that her blood had adrenaline racing throughout her body in a fight or flight response. Lisa¡¯s careless laughter and exaggerated Kentucky drawl continued on behind her, and each and every poorly enunciated syllable just kept getting under her skin in a terrible way. Closing her bedroom door behind her only slightly muffled the woman¡¯s voice, because of course, the wall paneling of their mobile home was paper-thin fiberboard. Trying hard to tune out the somewhat-audible sound of Lisa speaking until it was just loathsome trashy noise, Tabitha nudged aside the crumpled flannel of her turned-back bed covers so that she could sit upon the edge of her mattress and regard herself in the mirror. Okay. Okay. Deep breath, calm way down, Tabitha locked eyes with her reflection and tried to focus on nothing else. Okay. Okay. OKAY. Calm didn¡¯t come quickly, but it did eventually come to her, and she hugged Flounder and plucked absently at the edge of her cast while she considered what to do with the situation. Tabitha had never had a good impression of Uncle Danny or Aunt Lisa. Was that fair, though? Memories of her own mother from her first lifetime were uneasy at best, and rife with an entire heap of complicated, conflicting feelings otherwise. Initial perception of Elena had been so rotten that a middle-school phantom of the girl had shown up in her subconscious to bully her during one of those surreal fever dreams. The four cousins had once upon a time been annoying hooligans she didn¡¯t care for at all. Okay, so yes¡ªsome of the anger at Lisa IS warranted, Tabitha blew out a slow breath. Some of this is... overreaction. My knowledge and experience, my ¡®software¡¯ is arguably a little more advanced, but the hardware it¡¯s installed on right now is vintage thirteen year old girl, and emotions are dialed up to eleven. Even more than that, I¡¯m feeling so helpless because I¡¯m intentionally sinking deeper and deeper into the ROLE of a thirteen year old girl. Somewhat. Right? Classic Stanford prison experiment¡ªI¡¯ve been psychologically conforming to my expected social role here in nineteen ninety-eight. I haven¡¯t really been fighting that regression, because... being a simple teenage girl makes me happy, while depressing future knowledge mostly just attempts to poison that happiness or monkey¡¯s paw me at every turn. So, my anger right now, how FURIOUS I am at Lisa showing up also feels so INFANTILE¡ªand that just makes me angrier. It¡¯s the worst of both worlds¡ªthe teen outrage and frustration, and the adult knowledge and sense of responsibility that comes with that. They play off of each other in the worst way, make me feel like I¡¯m slipping down into a tantrum spiral. As a teenager, I¡¯m angry and sullen because I don¡¯t have the agency to just DO anything about her. I¡¯m supposed to abide, to treat her like family, when she¡¯s actually this white trash junkie, and yeah, I just don¡¯t even WANT to ever treat her like family! As this once-upon-a-time grown up old lady from the future, I¡¯m mostly upset because... now I HAVE to do something about this. I¡¯m going to HAVE to get involved, I¡¯m going to HAVE to be in some ugly confrontation, I¡¯m going to HAVE to raise a fuss, and I hate it. I¡¯m thirteen years old, but by necessity I¡¯m going to now need a voice, a real say in the family stuff going on, at the level of what adults decide. Just when this fragile, happy little illusion of a simple, NORMAL childhood was finally starting to stabilize into something I could enjoy. I hate it I hate it I hate it, I wish Lisa would just go away. I wish she¡¯d just go back off to whatever truckstop men¡¯s room she was probably whoring herself out from, and stay out of my life. Out of all of our lives. Is that so much to fucking ask?! ¡°Can¡¯t do anything about it!¡± Tabitha grumbled under her breath to herself. ¡°Have to anyways. Fuck.¡± Staring at the bedraggled and distraught teen reflecting back at her in the mirror, Tabitha let out an aggravated huff and threw Flounder against the far wall. Her actions looked just as silly and immature as they felt, but she needed to start venting some things out at times, or she really was going to explode. It was so frustrating¡ªshe needed someone to talk to, and it already felt like never having anything but identity problems and family drama to dump on Alicia and Elena was going to sour their relationship. With a dramatic sigh, Tabitha reached up, managed to catch the lightswitch with the bit of finger her cast exposed, and turned off the lights. The darkness gave her senses nothing to focus in on but the sound of Aunt Lisa still gabbing away out in the living room, and it was hard not to get upset all over again. So, what do I DO about this? I¡¯m not a teenager, exactly, Tabitha eased herself back down onto her pillow and began resituating her covers over top of her. And, I¡¯m not an old lady anymore, either. Right now I¡¯m just¡ªI don¡¯t know what I am. Something I¡¯ll have to figure out as I go, right? I¡¯m still changing. Elena¡¯s changed a ton. Mom¡¯s completely different to who she was, or how she was supposed to be, or whatever. I¡¯ll give Aunt Lisa a chance to change. I¡¯ll try. Try to cut her just enough slack for her to either pull herself up¡ªor hang herself with it. That¡¯s the MATURE thing to do, here, right?
¡°So, I was all, Debra!¡± Lisa laughed. ¡°S¡¯like I been done told you¡ªyou can¡¯t never let someone disrespect you like that. Definitely not¡¯n front of yer kids!¡± To Tabitha¡¯s annoyance and disbelief, she blinked open bleary eyes the next morning to the continued grating sound of Aunt Lisa¡¯s voice. Their trailer¡¯s furnace was blowing hot air in through all the vents at full blast, and her normally cozy morning blankets now felt absolutely stifling. It was hard not to grimace at the sheer waste of running the temperature so high¡ªin late November, wearing a sweatshirt and thermal pajamas around the house was still comfy, and it kept their bill way down. Surely¡­ surely they weren¡¯t up discussing things all night? Tabitha furrowed her brows, squeezed her eyes shut again, and pressed her face back into her pillow for a moment. Do drug addicts sleep more than normal, or less than normal? Google won¡¯t be here to tell me for years and years, yet. She had never expected Lisa to be an early riser, but the acrid smell of instant coffee and cigarette smoke became apparent as Tabitha finally kicked back her too-warm covers. The wrist inside her cast was likewise balmy with sweat already, and despite her midnight resolution to give the woman a chance to redeem herself, Tabitha could feel that determination eroding a little more each time she heard her Aunt open that mouth of hers to say something. ¡°Don¡¯t matter if it was jus¡¯ bullshittin¡¯ over beer or jus¡¯ makin¡¯ fun or nothin¡¯! So I says, somebody treats you like that, Debra? You get them right by the balls an¡¯ make sure they ain¡¯t fixin¡¯ to ever jus¡¯ run their mouth off on ya ever again. S¡¯way you gotta do it¡ªI ain¡¯t playin¡¯ no games.¡± Letting out her most dramatic teenage sigh, Tabitha rolled out of bed and wrenched open the door to her room so that she could pad down the hallway in her now too-warm wool socks. ¡°Why is the thermostat so high?¡± Tabitha asked, immediately twisting the dial from where it read eighty degrees all the way down to sixty. Eighty degrees?! Are you fucking kidding me? ¡°S¡¯colder¡¯n a witch¡¯s titty out there, that¡¯s why!¡± Lisa guffawed. ¡°It¡¯s the dead o¡¯ November, little girl.¡± The peroxide-blonde delinquent mother of four was already sitting across the table from her father, while Tabitha¡¯s own mother Mrs. Moore was nowhere to be found, probably still sound asleep back on the other side of the trailer where the larger bedroom was. Though Lisa wasn¡¯t smoking right at this moment, the stifling smell of it was present, and a glance up towards the kitchen ceiling confirmed that the smoke detector¡¯s cover was hanging open and the nine volt battery had been removed. Further observation revealed Lisa had slopped instant coffee into one of the nice teacups Tabitha had set aside for ice cream in the cabinet, and Tabitha decided she wasn¡¯t going to let it get to her¡ªafter all, Lisa couldn¡¯t have known any better. No, you know what? Tabitha all but huffed. It DOES still bother me! I¡¯m honestly going to be heartbroken if her nasty coffee stains my lovely porcelain tea set forever. I don¡¯t have many nice things, and the few nice things I DO have need to be cherished. ¡°Mornin¡¯, Sweetheart,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°Good morning,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Y¡¯all know I prayed for this, right, Alan?¡± Aunt Lisa gushed. ¡°I prayed an¡¯ prayed¡ªan¡¯ I just knew HE would answer mah prayers. Yer Tabby baby is a miracle, you know that?¡± ¡°Yep,¡± Mr. Moore agreed, frowning over his newspaper. ¡°She is a blessing.¡± ¡°She¡¯s an honest to God miracle, and the money¡ªthe money from those settlements? Alan, she¡¯s saved this family. She¡¯s like¡ªshe¡¯s like our own li¡¯l red-headed guardian angel. Idden that right, Honey? Hah!¡± ISN¡¯T that right, Tabitha mentally corrected. I¡¯m not sure which is worse¡ª that her southern REDNECK dialect is so thick that I can barely understand her, or the fact that I CAN still understand her. I wish I couldn¡¯t. A certain kind of morbid curiosity kept Tabitha fixated on the woman as her Aunt Lisa applied mascara and ¡®made herself up¡¯ for the day. The woman didn¡¯t even bring the applicator up to her own eyes, instead carefully turning over each plastic false eyelash in her hands and plucking at it with the black bristles of a little mascara wand. Was she going to apply the falsies afterward? That seemed backward to Tabitha, and the strange preening motions were grotesque, because Lisa¡¯s fingers and thumbs now sported the curved hot pink of two-inch long acrylic fingernails which made her digits seem sinister, spidery, and menacing. Beneath all the beauty product she plasters all over herself, and these feminine odds and ends she glues on¡ªwould any of us even recognize her? Tabitha wondered in a bleary daze as she pulled out one of the chairs so that she could sit with them at the dining room table. Does anyone even know what Lisa actually looks like? Who IS Lisa, really? ¡°You like mah look?¡± Aunt Lisa crooned with a self-indulgent giggle. ¡°Now, I weren¡¯t no movie star like yer momma was, but oh you know yer Aunt Lisa still knows how ta turn heads and drop jaws!¡± ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s¡­ sure something,¡± Tabitha was trying not to stare, but it was difficult to look away. Maybe there ISN¡¯T anyone beneath it all. The bleached and frazzled bottle-blonde, the plastered-on foundation, the garish red lipstick¡ªit was difficult to imagine what the woman was going to such exaggerated lengths to hide, because each treatment seemed so much worse than whatever flaws they might have concealed. The longer Tabitha spent observing Aunt Lisa, in fact, the less she seemed like a real person. It was as though the woman simply strived to express a stereotype, or a caricature. If she was acting, Tabitha felt sure Mrs. Moore would call it bad acting. But¡ªshe didn¡¯t seem to be acting. The writer in me wants to say that everyone possesses SOME nuance, some¡­ hidden depth of character. The realist in me, on the other hand, suggests that she¡¯s exactly what she presents herself to be. I know some of the trashy old women I worked with at the plant weren¡¯t particularly two-dimensional. I already know I¡¯m biased against her. Every word out of her mouth makes me want to condemn her more and more. What am I even looking for? How would I even GO ABOUT giving her a chance to change? Convince her we can send her through rehab? ¡°Aunt Lisa,¡± Tabitha blurted out before she even really knew what she was asking. ¡°Why¡­ why did you come back?¡± ¡°Why¡¯d I come back?¡± Aunt Lisa snorted, cocking an eyebrow. ¡°Well ¡®cause I don¡¯t gotta work at the Wild Wings in Shelbyville no more, ain¡¯t that right?¡± ¡°You mean isn¡¯t that, and¡ªis that right?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Why is that? Why is it that you don¡¯t have to work at the Wild Wings anymore?¡± ¡°¡®Cause now we got all that money, Sugar,¡± Lisa explained slowly to Tabitha, as though she were speaking to a much younger child. ¡°Our money problems are over, ain¡¯t a one of us gotta work no more. Isn¡¯t that right, Al?¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyebrows went up in mock surprise. OUR money problems, huh? ¡°Dad¡ªyou¡¯re quitting your job?¡± ¡°Hah, o¡¯course he is,¡± Lisa snorted. ¡°Why would he¡ª¡± ¡°No, no, I¡¯m not quitting my job,¡± Mr. Moore assured his daughter, seemingly startled to have been pulled back into the conversation. ¡°No way in heck, not no way, no how. Not with a little one on the¡ª¡± ¡°Yer NOT?¡± Aunt Lisa was the very picture of incredulity. ¡°I mean¡ªwow. I would. I did! Hah! You sure must love yer job, Al. Workin¡¯ when ya don¡¯t have to? Not me, no siree. That¡¯s crazy talk.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t... think I understand,¡± Tabitha hinted, attempting to convey a clear it¡¯s YOU that doesn¡¯t understand. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t you have to work, Aunt Lisa? The lawsuit and the settlement money, that doesn¡¯t have anything to do with you. Even if it did, it wouldn¡¯t be enou¡ª¡± ¡°Of course it has to do with me, I¡¯m yer Aunt Lissie!¡± Lisa chortled, giving Tabitha a dismissive smirk. ¡°Listen to you! Tryin¡¯ to be a selfish li¡¯l shyster an¡¯ wantin¡¯ to keep that big ol¡¯ settlement all fer yerself! You do know that bein¡¯ too greedy is one o¡¯ the deadly mortal sins, don¡¯tcha? There¡¯s a reason they kicked all them money-grubbin¡¯ Jews outta Egypt, that¡¯s in the Bible. Written ¡®n black ¡®n white, an¡¯ that¡¯s tha God¡¯s honest truth. Tabby, honey... yer still a li¡¯l girl, you don¡¯t have no place havin¡¯ that much money fer yerself¡ªan¡¯ what would ya even do with it? Buy dollies and dollhouses? Hah! Tabby sweetie, that money¡¯s all goin¡¯ to the family, so we can best decide how to raise you all up right. You think raisin¡¯ up a kid is cheap?! Yer Aunt Lissie¡¯s got four of ¡®em!¡± That Aunt Lisa had the sheer gall to assert herself as a parenting figure¡ªafter walking out on her own four children for months on end without a word to anyone¡ªhad Tabitha seeing red despite every attempt to maintain her cool. She inhaled deeply as the rage gripped her, and was forced to clench her teeth simply to prevent herself from lashing out thoughtlessly. Have you even visited them, or did you just beeline straight here for us, where the settlement money would be? You couldn¡¯t have been there yet, Grandma Laurie would have called us right away. Do they even know? Your own kids. Your own goddamn kids don¡¯t even know that you¡¯re back, do they? Now? Now I DON¡¯T WANT THEM TO. I really wanted to try to give you a chance¡ªbut fuck it, I can¡¯t. I just can¡¯t. I just, I just want you gone. Gone and out of our fucking lives. ¡°Pfffftt¡ªdon¡¯t get all huffy with me, girl,¡± Aunt Lisa rolled her eyes at Tabitha¡¯s smoldering glare as the teenager fought to keep it all in. ¡°Lookin¡¯ like someone pissed in yer Cheerios. Jesus H. Christ Alan, look at this attitude on her! Y¡¯all need to get a handle on that big ol¡¯ swollen head o¡¯ hers, an¡¯ raise her up proper. Yah right, like some suit ¡®n tie lawyer was gonna hand all that money to a li¡¯l girl barely inta her pushup bra. O¡¯course it¡¯s goin¡¯ to us¡ªyer parents. Hah!¡± ¡°Forgive me, I¡¯ve indeed lost my composure,¡± Tabitha rose from her seat and gave her father a meaningful look. He should understand by now just how she was feeling when she chose her words so carefully. ¡°Please, excuse me.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll... talk about it when¡ª¡± Mr. Moore began to promise, but he was cut off by Aunt Lisa¡¯s boisterous mocking laughter in response to Tabitha¡¯s apparent prim and proper dialect. Now not wanting to talk to anyone at all, Tabitha stalked on down the hallway towards the bathroom so that she could brush her teeth and wash her face. Okay. Calm down again, calm down again. CALM DOWN. Why is it so hard for me to calm down?! Tabitha took special care not to slam the bathroom door, despite the urgent motion of it trembling within her arm, desperate to explode out. She¡¯s just this shitty fucking¡ªshe¡¯s just, just getting under your skin. Keeping you off-balance. I still have all the advantages, here, right? I have all kinds of future knowledge, I have¡ªI just need to¡­ to calm down, to go through and remember anything I can that might be useful with this. It was easier said than done. She swiped her toothbrush out of the holder, glared at the dab of toothpaste she applied atop the bristles, and then bared her teeth in a snarl towards the mirror so that she could angrily brush her teeth. With each passing month it became more difficult for her to detach herself from situations and manage that numb robotic act, where with her eloquent manner of speech she could pretend she was more of an observer than a participant in this second life. She was involved now, she was mired in this trailer trash shitpile life, and now she was going to have to get both hands into the muck if she wanted to somehow climb out of it someday. Furious, Tabitha spat into the sink before she meant to, wasting some of her toothpaste. Damn. Do I have, what, latent anger management issues I never discovered? Tabitha paused for a moment to regard her foaming-at-the-mouth reflection with a glare and then spat again. Just never even found out if I had a temper or not last time, because I always kept my head down and shied away from those situations? Maybe? Her psychological issues were complicated and increasingly hard to self-diagnose, and she wasn¡¯t sure she trusted herself to sort out relevant factors from misleading ones. She knew why Aunt Lisa got her so riled up; the woman was one hundred percent pure, undiluted trailer trash. Soon-to-be or already a heroin junkie, and a shameless parasite uncomfortably close to worming her way back into the small group of people she cared a lot about. At least, I care a lot about them THIS time, Tabitha glowered as she viciously resumed scrubbing her teeth. Yeah. That¡¯s probably it. Probably why I never got angry at much of anything in my last life¡ªI wasn¡¯t real close to anyone. Or anything. Not here at this age, at least. To me, me and my immediate family were trailer trash, and then that whole side of the family over there with Uncle Danny and Aunt Lisa were worse, just... garbage, petty criminals. Convicts and drug addicts, and their drug addict and dropout kids. Not relatives she wanted to associate with, but ones that certainly lingered on in her mind all throughout her life. Because, while she always personally felt like trailer trash, at least she had these other people in her life to prop up as examples of worse trailer trash. Okay. Doesn¡¯t feel great to admit, but that¡¯s what they were to me, I think, Tabitha spat again into the sink. Uncle Danny, Aunt Lisa, all of the cousins. They weren¡¯t FAMILY, they were just... examples, some idea for me to cling to. Because, I could look at their lives and then console myself with ¡®well I may have always been trailer trash, but at least I was never THAT bad.¡¯ It was another tough pill to swallow, but since she¡¯d begun to make progress in bettering herself in this life, it was getting easier to recognize her own shortcomings. As for what she was going to do about it¡ªTabitha just had to start drawing lines. Her four cousins were still young, and swerving their paths onto a better future was entirely possible. Uncle Danny was already in jail, that ship had apparently sailed and there was nothing she could do about it. As for Aunt Lisa¡­ If I¡¯m completely honest with myself, I just don¡¯t even WANT to help her, Tabitha made a face as she rinsed her mouth. I can¡¯t stand her, and that¡¯s just a fact. Maybe with some kind of brilliant 4D CHESS, JUST AS KEIKAKU plan, I COULD get her to clean up her act and be a proper mother, and maybe that WOULD be the ideal best outcome for the boys. MY mother seemed just as rotten just a few months ago¡ªand look how far she¡¯s come. I just¡­ Tabitha grimaced at her reflection as the weight of difficult choices seemed to press down and smother her once again. I¡¯m a planner, but I¡¯m not some kind of super schemer. I don¡¯t know if I can put in that kind of effort for Lisa. I mean, I know I could try¡ªbut more and more, I don¡¯t think I will. I¡¯m a good person, or I try to be, but maybe I¡¯m not THAT good of a person. It¡¯s easy for me to be flippant about it, I guess, until I stop and really think about how much NOT helping Lisa change into a different person might cost the boys. But, then on the other hand¡­ some people can¡¯t be helped. Right?
Shortly after Aunt Lisa finished applying her falsies and seemed all fancied up to go out somewhere¡ªthe woman crashed, settling in on their couch with her newly-made-up face smooshed in against the armrest to sleep. Tabitha could see the cosmetics smearing into their worn upholstery, and she regarded the unwelcome guest in their living room with confusion and bewilderment, finally turning towards her father with an are you seeing this expression. All she got in return was a slow sigh and him asking her to try to keep her volume down today while her Aunt was sleeping. Then, Mr. Moore left for work. She still stinks, too! Tabitha scowled as she quietly crept as close as she could. So¡ªshe didn¡¯t shower last night. Lisa had passed out with her purse squashed protectively beneath her one armpit, and despite hovering over the woman for a long, tense moment, Tabitha didn¡¯t see any way she could tug it out from under her Aunt without waking her. Worst thing is, she maybe DOESN¡¯T have heroin in her purse right now, Tabitha fretted, crossing her arms. Maybe she¡¯s not actually into heroin yet. Maybe she is, but she¡¯s already used whatever she had. That seems likely. Heroin probably isn¡¯t cheap¡ªor is it? I honestly don¡¯t know, and again¡ªno Google here. Maybe she only came to us because she was out of options and couldn¡¯t afford to pay her dealer, or whatever. There¡¯s no way of knowing for sure, and if I cry wolf now and her purse turns out to be empty, it damages my credibility towards further attempts to remove her. And, I NEED to remove her sooner rather than later if I¡¯m going to. Or this is all going to become unbelievably messy the further she entangles herself back into the family. Make a choice, Tabitha, make a choice. Help her, or get rid of her. Help her, or get rid of her, c¡¯mon, think, think, think. I don¡¯t know how to help her. I also don¡¯t know how to get rid of her. Either way, I need to come up with something smart, real soon. Torn with indecision, Tabitha was still drawing a complete blank as to how she even could hypothetically help Aunt Lisa. There didn¡¯t seem to be any way to. The woman was crass and stubborn and would laugh off any attempts to get her to turn her life around. In fact, the more she thought about it¡­ if Aunt Lissie were to reintegrate into their lives, she would negatively influence everyone in Tabitha¡¯s close family¡ªstarting with the boys. Under Aunt Lisa¡¯s continued careless ¡®parenting,¡¯ the four cousins¡¯ relatively thoughtful and considerate behavior Tabitha had grown proud of would unravel, and in a matter of time they would revert back to being the absolute shitheads they were in Tabitha¡¯s previous life. Aunt Lisa¡¯s reappearance would once again drive a wedge between Mrs. Moore and that entire side of the family, cutting off that fledgling avenue of growth. As an anxious and agoraphobic shut-in weighed down with repressed issues that was only now in early stages of healing and recovery, Tabitha¡¯s mother wasn¡¯t really psychologically equipped to handle a loud and outspoken personality like Lisa. Grandma Laurie and Mr. Moore would both suffer in silence, bending to Aunt Lisa¡¯s whims if they were able to rationalize that it was for the sake of the four boys or whatever excuses Lisa cooked up. After all, those two were used to it, to an extent¡ªjust a few months ago, Mrs. Moore had been just about as toxic and intractable. It¡¯s oh so very humbling, Tabitha¡¯s stare turned more and more grave the more she considered the implications. That almost all the changes wrought in the people around me could be undone so easily. All the blood, sweat, and tears, all the STRUGGLE that went into changing things for the better, healing people, mending relationships¡ªand almost all of it can collapse and go back to the way it was with the reappearance of just one Aunt Lisa. Putting aside whether or not it¡¯s even POSSIBLE to help her¡ªcan I let her presence destroy all of this? I think¡­ I think I need to make Aunt Lisa disappear. The realization¡ªno, the decision hit Tabitha like a pang to her stomach, and for a moment she felt sick. Hugging her arms tight across herself, Tabitha hurried away from her Aunt and retreated back down the hallway to her room. It was one thing to be affected by her teenage emotions and feel anger and outrage that made her think some dark thoughts. It was something else entirely to coldly deliberate removing someone like that. I¡¯m not going to kill her! Tabitha wanted to swear at herself, angry all over again at that all-too-familiar wash of nauseating guilt. It¡¯s not like the thing with Jeremy Redford. I didn¡¯t even kill him! He just, well, he just died and I was technically at fault for it. I was at fault for it because I made it happen, but not like, like, I¡¯m not PERSONALLY to blame. It did happen because of me, but I didn¡¯t kill him. He almost murdered a cop anyways, so what if he even DID just happen to get his, his comeuppance this time through? Right? I didn¡¯t kill him. Karma came along. I didn¡¯t kill him. I¡¯m not going to kill Aunt Lisa, either¡ªI just need to, to, I don¡¯t know. Make her disappear off somewhere, out of our lives. To prison or somewhere. I don¡¯t know. Anywhere but here. Fuck me, this isn¡¯t fair, Tabitha discovered her good hand wouldn¡¯t stop shaking, so she crossed her arms tighter about herself and tried to squeeze her arms into stillness. Why is this so hard?
The morning hours passed by in a whirl of indecision and abortive attempts at rationalizing various courses of action and inaction. Tabitha was upset, and she knew why she was upset. All of her hypothetical solutions were unrealistic and oblique to the point that her common sense rejected them. The route for helping Lisa change predicated upon being able to sit down with Lisa for a serious conversation and convince Lisa herself that she was a problem. Which, based on what she knew of Lisa¡¯s personality, and the lack of confidence Tabitha possessed for her own persuasive ability and finesse in dealing with the woman in a heated argument... meaningful dialogue with her Aunt Lisa was somewhere between improbable and impossible. Getting rid of Lisa seemed to require the opposite¡ªconvincing her parents that Lisa was a problem, but not their problem. Not a burden their family should attempt to shoulder. Tabitha would have to convey the severity of a problem that Lisa had become, and then illustrate to them how their attempts to help or support Lisa would in fact enable Lisa to become more and more of a problem. Paring down her thoughts and feelings on the issue and sorting everything out, however, did remarkably little towards solving anything. To Tabitha¡¯s endless frustration, she honestly didn¡¯t believe she could convince Lisa or her parents of either narrative. She knew she¡¯d made major strides in this lifetime towards better expressing herself and communicating with others, and having a sense of that progress made it just as clear to her how much she fell short here. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. Certainly doesn¡¯t help that I¡¯m so AFFECTED by all of this, Tabitha thought, lifting her elbows up and attempting to roll the stiffness out of her shoulders. Spent most of my morning here just pacing back and forth in my room, going in circles in my head. Yes, I¡¯m smart and I can think things through¡ªeventually¡ªbut in the heat of the moment, actually out there with Lisa? My temper flares up right away, and it¡¯s like I just get locked out of rational thought. Start to act and speak out on impulse, or get myself caught up in this psychological loop of angry thoughts that doesn¡¯t actually go anywhere else. So, in short¡ªI¡¯m stuck. It was just as easy to feel trapped in her bedroom with Aunt Lisa snoozing out there in the living room, because Tabitha wasn¡¯t well enough yet to do the kind of morning run she needed to help bleed off some of these feelings. Likewise, she wasn¡¯t able to power walk around the neighborhood or busy herself over the garden plot like she wanted to. Going outside at all while she was still recovering from surgery wasn¡¯t feasible until it was mid-afternoon and sunnier out¡ªlate November was cold, colder every day, but mornings were bitter cold, with dreary overcast skies and a steady biting wind that would sap her strength. A completely teenage Tabitha would go out anyways and damn the consequences, Tabitha quirked her lip in a bitter smile. A completely grown-up Tabitha wouldn¡¯t feel so damned ANGSTY cooped up in here waiting for Mom to get up. As such, naturally time appeared to slow to a crawl and Tabitha stewed in her simmering thoughts for what felt like several eternities before she heard the door to her parent¡¯s bedroom finally open. Listening intently, Tabitha found her mother¡¯s heavy footsteps were treading slowly down the hall. Unable to help herself, Tabitha cracked open her door and leaned out around it as her mother passed by her room. ¡°She¡¯s sleeping,¡± Tabitha whispered. ¡°Out on the couch. Good morning.¡± It took Mrs. Moore a moment to register what was saying, and when she did, the hint of an aggravated scowl was visible across her face for a moment before she was able to hide it. That tiny change in expression was a merciful balm to Tabitha, and she swung her door open the rest of the way and stepped out to hug her mother. ¡°Alright¡ªand good morning,¡± Mrs. Moore whispered back, giving Tabitha a small squeeze. ¡°Do you know why it¡¯s so warm in here?¡± ¡°Sometime overnight, she went and turned the thermostat to eighty!¡± Tabitha tattled in a hushed voice. ¡°I already turned it back down to where it should be.¡± ¡°Hmph,¡± Mrs. Moore grunted, shaking her head. ¡°Well. First thing¡¯s first¡ªI¡¯m giving your Grandma Laurie a call.¡± ¡°Grandma Laurie?¡± Tabitha repeated, crashing headlong through a dozen different emotions in quick succession, too fast to individually process. ¡°Do we have to, um¡ª¡± ¡°If we¡¯re tryin¡¯ to have dinner with the Macintires on Thanksgiving day, we¡¯ll have to do whatever little family Thanksgiving we do early, either today or tomorrow,¡± Mrs. Moore explained in a low voice, pausing for a moment. ¡°And¡­ well, I¡¯ll need to let her know to set the table for your Aunt Lisa too, now.¡± Please don¡¯t, Tabitha just barely managed to not blurt it out, but from her mother¡¯s knowing sigh and pat on the shoulder, she knew it was already written all across her face. It seemed inevitable that Aunt Lisa would be reunited with the boys, but at the same time, the prospect of it filled Tabitha with alarm and had her mind racing in every direction all over again. After all¡ªisn¡¯t it suspect that Aunt Lisa, a mother of four, returns from wherever she was in Shelbyville not to her own children, but instead to the home of a brother-in-law whose daughter happens to be on the receiving end of a large settlement of money? Is everyone just ignoring the apparent motive that could be driving Aunt Lisa¡¯s priorities, here? Am I in the wrong for not just giving her the benefit of the doubt because she¡¯s family?
¡°Your Grandma Laurie says it¡¯s fine with her if we move family Thanksgiving up a bit and have it today,¡± Mrs. Moore said, returning the cordless phone back to it¡¯s dock. ¡°She already got her shoppin¡¯ done for it, so...¡± ¡°Did you tell them about our unexpected guest?¡± Tabitha asked in a low voice, glancing past the kitchen counter and dining room table over to where Aunt Lisa was still sprawled out on their couch, but questionably awake now and watching daytime soap operas. ¡°I did,¡± Mrs. Moore paused. ¡°She said she isn¡¯t gonna tell the boys just yet. So they can maybe have a... nice surprise.¡± ¡°¡®Nice surprise.¡¯ Or, so that they won¡¯t have a nasty surprise if she decides not to show,¡± Tabitha pointed out with a sour look. ¡°If she doesn¡¯t want to see her children again¡­ are we okay with her being here in our home while we¡¯re not? Unsupervised? Or, uh, at all?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure she¡¯ll go with us,¡± Mrs. Moore frowned. ¡°Just¡ªwell, we¡¯ll see.¡± ¡°Where¡¯s she going to be staying? Sleeping? Our couch? Mom. I don¡¯t think we should provide her a place to stay if she isn¡¯t going to be a mother and look after her kids,¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice dropped to a lower whisper. ¡°She¡¯s either their mom, or she isn¡¯t. And, if she isn¡¯t family¡ªthen. Well.¡± ¡°Well, I don¡¯t think we should even get into it,¡± Mrs. Moore sighed, resting her hands on the counter. ¡°Bless his heart, your father was... very patient with me when I was going through things. For years. And, he¡¯s liable to try to do the same for your Aunt Lisa now that she¡¯s goin¡¯ through her problems. I¡­ Tabitha, I don¡¯t have any place to say anything.¡± Tabitha bit her lip. She didn¡¯t like it, but Mrs. Moore¡¯s position on this was difficult to refute. Pushing her mother to force things with Lisa towards an ultimatum wasn¡¯t going to work, and her father was going to be even harder to convince. As the teenage daughter, she once again didn¡¯t have enough traction on swaying complicated family matters. The only clear way to make her case was the drug angle, and for that she needed some measure of proof. Any and all of the evidence to substantiate that kind of claim, if such evidence existed at all, was likely in the purse that Aunt Lisa was currently half-sitting on. The handbag still protectively tucked beneath one armpit as the woman reclined on the sofa, as though it were another pillow. ¡°I was thinking we should bring somethin¡¯ over with us for Thanksgiving,¡± Mrs. Moore sighed, tugging open the fridge door and surveying what they had to work with. ¡°But, we don¡¯t really have much of anything here. We do still have half of that bag of potatoes in the cupboard, but just bringin¡¯ mashed potatoes doesn¡¯t seem like enough.¡± ¡°How about... scalloped potatoes?¡± Tabitha suggested, stepping over to take a glance inside the refrigerator as well. ¡°Hmm. Maybe not.¡± ¡°You think we should go out and buy stuffing or something?¡± Mrs. Moore fretted. ¡°Normally you¡¯re supposed to at least bring a casserole or something to Thanksgiving. Right? I just, it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s been a while since I had a Thanksgiving that was more than just bein¡¯ here with you and your father.¡± ¡°We have cheese. If you can give me two or three dollars, I¡¯ll walk up to the gas station and buy a quart of milk,¡± Tabitha said, stooping down to pull a glass dish out from where it was stored in the bottom cabinet. ¡°Preheat the oven at three hundred and fifty, and if you start peeling now, I should be able to help make scalloped potatoes when I get back.¡± ¡°Okay. Okay, scalloped potatoes are perfect,¡± Mrs. Moore agreed, hefting the bag of potatoes down from their little pantry. ¡°Are these still good? Will we have enough? How many should I¡ª¡± ¡°They¡¯re fine,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°I¡¯ll help you peel them all.¡± ¡°Not with that cast on, you¡¯re not,¡± Mrs. Moore protested, but it was clear her resolve was weakening. ¡°Let me get you some cash from my purse, and you can¡ªdo you want me to go on up with you? I don¡¯t want you goin¡¯ out all by yourself.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just at the top of the hill, Mom,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine. You start peeling, I¡¯ll help you finish once I¡¯m back. I¡¯m okay to take a five from your purse?¡± ¡°Of course, sure. You make sure an¡¯ wear a sweatshirt and a jacket.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be fine in just a sweatshirt. It¡¯s just a few minute walk.¡± Leaving her mother to her own devices with the peeler would be cruel¡ªMrs. Moore had no culinary talent and even less experience. Tabitha had already began resuming her previous role in preparing meals for the family over this past week. After all, watching her mother attempt to whittle away potato skin in tiny thin slivers at a time was always so painful that Tabitha¡¯s patience whittled away faster than the spud. Actually holding onto a potato herself was obnoxious with her cast encompassing as much of her thumb as it did, but even with the awkward grip Tabitha could peel a potato in a matter of moments using a knife. ¡°Aunt Lisa?¡± Tabitha rounded the kitchen counter and carefully tread out into the living room. ¡°Do you... need anything from the¡ª¡± ¡°Sssh!¡± Aunt Lisa all but snarled at her. ¡°I can¡¯t even keep up with what all¡¯s goin¡¯ on here with all yer fussin¡¯!¡± Tabitha paused, slowly evaluating the blonde occupying their couch as the gangly heroin addict once again grew absorbed by the ongoing drama of One Life to Live. She hadn¡¯t actually intended to get the woman anything from the store, of course. A step forward and a snatching movement could maybe wrench the purse Aunt Lisa was safeguarding out from under her¡ªbut would she even be able to get away with it, or get it open before Lisa was all over her? The body odor of the woman was still noticeable, and Tabitha could just imagine what those frightening two-inch acrylics would feel like clawing into her. I can¡­ bide my time, Tabitha told herself, shoving her sudden emotion back down to an angry simmer. There¡¯ll be an opportunity at some point. She¡¯ll drop her guard, or¡­ or I¡¯ll think of something. The whole mess with Aunt Lisa was easier to put out of mind as Tabitha turned and hurried down the hallway to fish a five from her mother¡¯s purse where Mrs. Moore kept it in the back bedroom. She of course knew that was the point¡ªher mother could tell the Lisa situation was upsetting her. And so, Mrs. Moore was somewhat play-acting, subtly creating tasks that Tabitha could set her mind to, so that she would feel productive and useful. It did help. She didn¡¯t begrudge her mother for it at all, and she thought that both of them were aware that it was on purpose. In the past few months, each of them had discovered the other was a lot more intelligent than they¡¯d ever let on before this year. She¡¯s reading my Goblin Princess outline, Tabitha told herself as she stepped into her sneakers. After fighting her way back into the oversized hoodie, Tabitha opened the door and bustled outside and down the steps, swinging the door shut behind her. It was bright enough that she was forced to blink rapidly and even squint, but also bleak and muted¡ªunlike picturesque, postcard views of Kentucky in late autumn with trees in brilliant oranges and yellows, here in the trailer park fall colors were simply washed out and dead. The crisp chill to the air was sharp enough that her face stung right away, and she hugged her arms tightly against herself as she marched on up the street at a brisk pace. She¡¯s reading it. Not just skimming through it like I was afraid of¡ªshe¡¯s really reading it, studying it, and that means the world to me. Everything I know and feel gets put into the project, so if she¡¯s reading it, she¡¯ll know me. She¡¯ll understand. She¡¯ll start figuring everything out, piecing together the clues. She has to. Because, I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m even gonna do if she can¡¯t.
¡°Ah, damn,¡± Bobby exclaimed, frowning as he saw some petite chick was tugging open the door of the Minit Mart and the bell jangled. Where¡¯d SHE come from? Checking again through the broad glass windows of the gas station, he confirmed that no cars had pulled up. Bobby was supposed to be keeping an eye out for customers while his older brother Joe¡ªthe actual employee on shift right now¡ªabused access to the store phone line here to chat with his girlfriend Kimmie, who¡¯d been forced to travel to Minnesota with her parents over Thanksgiving break. Charges would show up on the store¡¯s bill, but in theory, so long as she initiated the call, Joe could just tell his boss that some customer called with a bunch of questions, and that he¡¯d had no idea they were calling from long distance. The girl who¡¯d just entered the convenience store was cute, if a little frazzled-looking, with her uncombed tangle of red hair and how her pale skin seemed to emphasize the dark circles under her eyes. More to the point, however¡ªshe was cute, and he recognized her. This was the infamous Tabitha Moore, the freshman dropout of Springton High, mysterious and inaccessible enough to have grown into her own urban legend throughout the school. When she noticed him and did a double-take, he found himself already sheepishly throwing her a small wave. Oh shit, she kinda recognizes me, Bobby was a little thrilled. The girl normally seemed quiet and a little mousy and always kept to herself, but something about her just really ruffled the feathers of all those flocks of two-faced harpies that called themselves Springton High girls. In fact¡ªthe more all of those buzzard bitches ragged on her, the more Bobby started to like Tabitha. Whatever ran contrary to what the bitch brigade was saying was probably closest to the truth, right? The rumor mill at school spun up into full swing whenever Tabitha got brought up, and although he¡¯d asked around with the few buddies he considered pretty reliable, nobody seemed to know what was really going on. ¡°Hey¡ªuh, Bobby, right?¡± Tabitha guessed. Oh shit, she ACTUALLY remembers me! Bobby¡¯s flash of nervous excitement took him by surprise. ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± Bobby chuckled. ¡°You remember me?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha blinked at him. ¡°We were in a couple of my classes together. You walked me up to the office the day I withdrew from school¡ªwhen I was that blubbering mess.¡± ¡°Naw, you weren¡¯t blubberin¡¯ or nothin¡¯,¡± Bobby tried to assure her. ¡°Maybe just a li¡¯l sniffly? Teary-eyed? Hah ha. It¡¯s cool.¡± ¡°Everyone¡¯s really, uh, missed you at school,¡± Bobby couldn¡¯t hold back any longer. ¡°You ever wanna hang out or do somethin¡¯ sometime? You seein¡¯ anyone?¡± ¡°Um, what?¡± Tabitha¡¯s weary expression showed nothing but surprise and bewilderment. ¡°Hah, no I¡¯m not seeing anyone. You do realize I¡¯m only thirteen years old, right?¡± ¡°What?¡± Bobby scoffed, eyeing her again. ¡°Thirteen? No way, I call bullshit. You¡¯ve gotta be at least fifteen, right? Don¡¯tcha gotta be fourteen to even be in high school?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t turn fourteen until next month,¡± Tabitha shrugged, stepping past Bobby and walking towards the row of cooler doors that took up the far wall. Thirteen? No way. She¡¯s gotta be messin¡¯ with me¡­ right? Bobby couldn¡¯t help but stare. The redhead girl was on the smaller side and had a pretty slight figure, sure, but thirteen? That didn¡¯t fit with his perception of her at all, the way she carried herself, how collected she seemed to be and how mature she acted with things. She had to be at least fifteen, she definitely seemed like a fifteen-year-old. Maybe even older. Sixteen? Maybe not sixteen. Bobby watched as Tabitha didn¡¯t pause to browse the drink selection, instead immediately grabbing a carton of milk to bring up to the register. ¡°Uhh,¡± Tabitha looked around. ¡°Where¡¯s whoever works here?¡± ¡°¡®EY, JOE-BRO!¡± Bobby cupped his hands and shouted back behind the counter. ¡°YOU GOTTA CUSTOMER, HERE!¡± His brother Joseph ducked out from the back room with a look of consternation, holding a cordless phone¡¯s handset against his chest. ¡°Sorry ¡®bout that, I¡¯m on the phone with a¡­ customer,¡± Joe lied, quickly bringing the phone up to his ear. ¡°Hey babe, gotta put you on hold. Yeah, just a sec.¡± Bobby and Tabitha exchanged a glance at Joe¡¯s half-hearted charade. ¡°Ahem. Will this be everything for you today?¡± Joe asked in his mild-mannered customer service voice. He tilted the quart-sized milk carton up so that the scanner could read it with an electronic beep. Tabitha silently nodded. ¡°Uhh hey, sorry if askin¡¯ that was weird,¡± Bobby apologized. ¡°Just, everyone at school¡¯s always talkin¡¯ about you, it¡¯s all crazy out there stories and you don¡¯t know to believe, right? I¡¯d much rather just, like, get to know you for real and hear what¡¯s up straight from the source, you know? No pressure or anything.¡± Joe shot his brother a subtle yo, who¡¯s this chick glance over the counter as he accepted the five dollar bill from Tabitha and punched the sale into the register. ¡°They can¡¯t¡­¡± Tabitha cleared her throat and then let out an uneasy laugh. ¡°They can¡¯t still be talking about me, right?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah¡ªall the time,¡± Bobby nodded. ¡°I mean, from what I heard, Erica just ¡®bout knocked your head off, y¡¯know? But, nobody really knows why, an¡¯ that¡¯s like, a step or two up from the usual petty bitch stuff, you know?¡± Current popular theory on Tabitha Moore was that she¡¯d dropped out because she was pregnant, and that the whole bullying thing was just some flimsy excuse to bail out on school before she started showing. Tabitha stealing a boyfriend and getting knocked up was the only reason anyone could imagine Erica Taylor would go so far as to try to murder her¡ªbut, it was also a point of contention as to whether Erica had even actually been dating anyone. The sophomore girl hadn¡¯t been official with anyone, or ever really hinted that she might be seeing someone. Assumed availability and showing that extra inch or two of cleavage was part of the leverage Erica Taylor had over the tenth grade guys, so who would she give that up for? Matthew Williams? Some persisted in thinking that, because of his appearance in some of the other rumors, but none of the sophomores Bobby had talked to bought into it. Nah, no way, Bobby¡¯s friend Liam had outright refused to believe it. Can¡¯t tell you who... but Matthew¡¯s definitely already seeing this girl, and it¡¯s absolutely, one hundred percent not Erica Taylor. Matthew and Erica knew each other, yeah, but there was nothing between them, no spark or anything. No way. Bobby wasn¡¯t really sure what to think¡ªfrom everything he¡¯d personally witnessed about the girl in the classes they shared, Tabitha wasn¡¯t traditionally social. She hung out with that skinny black girl during lunches, and she was briefly seen interacting with Elena Seelbaugh, before Elena suddenly turned wiccan or lesbo or whatever. That was weird, and the introduction of occult nonsense to the gossip surrounding Tabitha had made all the stories floating around pretty wild for a while. Fueling things even more was that whenever a rumor went a little bit too far, or whenever someone had actually tried to mess with Tabitha, like Chris, Kaylee, and Clarissa¡ªthey were suspended or expelled. That meant she was actually a somebody, that she had important parents or came from a bigshot family or something, which totally torpedoed all those tall tales saying she lived in the trailer park back behind this Minit Mart. ¡°It... um. It had to do with Erica and Brittney¡¯s little sister, Ashlee,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Ashlee Taylor and I used to be friends. I stopped going over there to play when one of the sisters pushed me off their trampoline and gave me a concussion, this past summer. Ashlee started hiding her older sister¡¯s things¡ªto get back at them for them being, uh, mean to her¡ªand then blaming me for it, as though I were still going over there and just stealing things. When the bullying at school with me escalated, something I said about their situation to one of the school board women apparently prompted them to step in and separate Ashlee from her sisters. Which in turn seemed to further provoke Erica, and... she lashed out at me.¡± ¡°Oh, wow,¡± Bobby blinked, not having expected her to actually tell him a whole story. ¡°Does¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s the general synopsis of what happened, from my point of view, but I¡¯d love to compare it to all the rumors and examine the differences,¡± Tabitha continued, staring at Bobby with a somewhat blank expression. ¡°I want to call it a comedy of errors, because that¡¯s one of my favorite expressions, but I¡¯m not sure that it actually fits. I think just implying there¡¯s a certain dark humor to everything going wrong makes it easier to accept¡ªand life often just feels like this long, continuous crashing chain of things going wrong. Doesn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡ª¡± Bobby began. ¡°Maybe I should start dating?¡± Tabitha seemed to be looking through him off into the distance and talking to herself, now. ¡°I¡¯m, I¡¯m really losing my grip on reality, and I need someone to talk to. But, I live in constant fear of actually speaking out, of overwhelming those few I¡¯m close to and pushing them away. Maybe what I really need is someone who will listen to me, but doesn¡¯t particularly care what I have to say. Is that what having a boyfriend is like? Or, would assuming that be the real comedy of errors?¡± This time Bobby opened his mouth but had no idea how to reply to that. ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha seemed to snap back to the present, and she gave him a sad smile. ¡°That was a strange thing to ask?¡± ¡°Hell, uhh, I don¡¯t mind at all,¡± Bobby mentally set aside her unexpected long discourse to reexamine later and gave her a reassuring smile. ¡°It really is kinda like that, right? Like I dunno ¡®xactly what all you just said, but hell¡ªI do like the way you say it.¡± ¡°Right,¡± Tabitha gave him a bitter smile as she accepted her change from Joe. ¡°It was nice seeing you again, Bobby.¡± ¡°Would you like a bag for that, Ma¡¯am?¡± Joe offered in his obsequious customer service voice. ¡°Nah, I¡¯m just down the hill there,¡± Tabitha said, pausing for a moment to give the handset phone Joe was still clutching against his chest a look. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t dare to trouble you further¡ªdo instead extend your every courtesy to the other customer you¡¯re servicing.¡± Wait, what? Bobby froze, shooting his brother an incredulous look. Their overly posh customer service voice had become an in-joke between the two brothers¡ªBobby himself worked part time at the Springton McDonald¡¯s. Ma¡¯am, could I tempt you into adding a side dish of Springton¡¯s finest french fries to the main course of your meal? No? Are you certain?! I assure you, these french fries are a Parisian delicacy direct from France! To this day, the closest any of the other teens in town came to appreciating the Anderson brother¡¯s rather nuanced sense of humor was an occasional sarcastic why thank you, good sir, from Kimmie and her friend Caitlyn. Where had this Tabitha girl pulled a genuinely good line like that from? Did Tabitha have a sense of humor? In class she hadn¡¯t, but then again she¡¯d been pretty careful during school hours¡ªand with good reason, glares from the freshman and sophomore girls alike made it clear everyone was eager for her to slip up and say something, anything, that could be twisted around and used against her. Did she have some similar in-jokes with her friends, and was that there just some brilliant coincidence where two private jokes from different parties met in a great way? He intended to catch up with Tabitha and get a few more words in, but by the time he realized it she was already headed out the door. The electronic door chime sounded, and Bobby watched the attractive redhead walk on past the Minit Mart¡¯s glass windows and disappear from sight. Girls at fourteen and fifteen around Springton with an actual decent sense of humor were rare. Although many of them laughed all the time, it usually wasn¡¯t at anything funny. It was just self-aggrandizing noise, social lubricant, as his Grand Nan put it. Keeping up the appearance of their little clique being so great and having so much fun, despising and alienating anyone who didn¡¯t laugh along. It was currently one of the reasons he propped up as to why he hadn¡¯t had a real girlfriend yet. The thing with Tracy didn¡¯t count. That was way back in seventh grade, and they didn¡¯t even kiss. ¡°Hey, was that that Tabitha chick?¡± Joe asked, pausing for a moment in the door to the back. ¡°Freshman dropout chick everyone¡¯s always in a tizzy about? One that got pregnant or whatever? Drama queen chick?¡± Bobby had seen quiet, guarded Tabitha keeping to herself at school, he¡¯d seen her being hurt and vulnerable, sobbing quietly into her good hand, and now he¡¯d seen her tired, rambling, and cracking jokes. At first, back then he¡¯d spoken up to defend her because¡ªwell, she was cute. He kept doing it simply because he was a born contrarian, he liked stirring up trouble and ruffling everyone¡¯s feathers. He¡¯d been there the day after some Sophomore jock pushed her and got her wrist broken, he¡¯d snuck glances over when the beauty had set her head down at her desk and fallen asleep. Bobby hadn¡¯t actually seen whichever stuffy bitch knicked Tabitha¡¯s folder or whatever, but he¡¯d been able to tell from all the hushed whispers and self-satisfied smug looks that they¡¯d done something. When Mr. Stern¡¯d asked Bobby to walk her up to the office¡ªas class clown of sorts, Bobby was often one of the first students teachers remembered by name and subsequently one of the most frequently called upon¡ªof course he¡¯d jumped at the chance. Tabitha had managed to hold back her tears just about until she got out the door. He¡¯d been thrilled, but also a little ruffled¡ªwatching a girl cry, up close? It did things to him, it stirred up natural protective instincts, had him feeling confused and contemplative and brooding about it the whole rest of the day. High school drama was something you only enjoyed fucking around with when you didn¡¯t have a personal stake in what was going on, after all. DO I want a stake in it? He¡¯d always been pretty interested, but did he actually like Tabitha? Before it was something he¡¯d wondered about, but now it was something he was more and more sure about. ¡°Naw,¡± Bobby decided, throwing a thoughtful glance back out the storefront. ¡°Forget all that bull-hickey you heard ¡®bout Tabitha. That¡¯s my future wife, right there.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Joe gave him an evaluating look and then a solemn nod of understanding and acceptance passed from brother to brother. ¡°Yeah¡ªin your dreams, dick muncher. Don¡¯t let any more damn customers in, I¡¯m on the phone.¡±
I talked to a boy? Tabitha trudged back down the hill with a small smile. Sorta? It was a very strange feeling. She didn¡¯t like Bobby¡ªhe was just that redneck kid from class. She didn¡¯t like anyone, really. There were a few freshman boys she¡¯d noticed who were cute or handsome in their own way, but she didn¡¯t have a crush on any of them. In her first life, she¡¯d harbored a small hopeless crush on one of her classmates towards the end of high school. To her embarrassment, after forty some years she didn¡¯t even remember his name, now. Maybe it would come to her, if she ever recognized him again. In any case, since being reintroduced to the wilderness of horrors that was 1998, she¡¯d been reeling from her various traumas and identity problems disassociating from things too much to form something like a crush on anyone. Still, though, Tabitha felt torn between giddiness and weary resignation. It was cool. Fun. I¡¯m¡ªI don¡¯t know. It¡¯s a teenage girl thing. Not my fault! Maybe I just get some automatic rush of endorphins or something by talking with a boy. It¡¯s so strangely ENGAGING just talking with a boy, getting into conversation, even if it¡¯s¡­ well, it was really just me babbling like an idiot, wasn¡¯t it? Shit. I don¡¯t even remember what I said. Boys, and the almost forgotten prospect of dating. She hated that she didn¡¯t hate it, and despite purposefully schooling her expression back into neutrality, the smile crept back in. Being asked about boys by Mrs. Williams or Aunt Lisa was endlessly vexating, so it was with great consternation that Tabitha found herself forced to concede to herself that yes, talking to boys was pretty interesting. Part of the high school fantasy she¡¯d clung to over the summer while working herself to the bone was that she¡¯d be loved and accepted by everyone if only she was thin and pretty. The boys would be polite and aim to court her, the girls would all want to be her friend. Ugh, the sheer fucking naivete, Tabitha¡¯s grimace stifled her giddy smile by a notch or two. The inexperience and sad, deluded wishful thinking that things were as simple and easy as that. The fat unpopular girl just assuming life was easy and convenient if only you were thin and pretty. I don¡¯t know that it¡¯s WORSE, but it¡¯s definitely an entire new spectrum of bad to adjust yourself to, and I wasn¡¯t ready. The reality of the situation turned out to be more complicated, with other high school girls at best polite and distant, and at their worst openly hostile to her without reason. As for the boys, Tabitha had fended off a few atrocious come-ons, and then been ignored by most of them. At this age most seemed to be watching and waiting, still¡ªnot many throughout the ninth grade were dating or ready to date yet, and the few pairings that did happen were well known and often discussed. According to Elena, dating was more common throughout the Sophomore year, and then if you weren¡¯t in or between relationships by your Junior or Senior year there was something wrong with you. That thought rankled, the thought that peer pressure had an affect on her stung, and she realized that now the idea of being completely unfettered by social mores was¡ª Fuck! No no no, stop stop stop, Tabitha grimaced. Rein it in, c¡¯mon Tabitha. This isn¡¯t the time to get distracted by BOYS, or DATING, of all things. It¡¯s not gonna happen anyways¡ªprobably never will. There¡¯s a whole Aunt Lisa situation to deal with, and these damned hormones just have my thoughts careening out of control in every direction but where they should be. Focus, FOCUS. ¡°Bobby¡¯s not even that good-looking!¡± Tabitha rationalized to herself. ¡°Just okayish-looking. Maybe kinda charming when he smiles. Charming, but not TOO charming. Right? He¡¯s¡­ okay, at best, he¡¯s like a scrawnier Heath Ledger. A super young Heath Ledger, but with his hair cut real short.¡± Her attention remained in deficit for the rest of the walk back down the hill. Before she really remembered that his name was Bobby, he was just that redneck kid from class¡ªwhy wasn¡¯t THAT bothering her? Everything trashy and redneck about Aunt Lisa got under her skin in a big way, but with Bobby it didn¡¯t seem to trouble her. Was some sort of distorted electra complex providing attraction based on the superficial similarities between Bobby and her father? While that same perceived ¡®redneck¡¯ social standing made her more and more hostile to Aunt Lisa? Did that even make sense? ...Maybe? Tabitha felt surprisingly glum about it. I was completely at odds with Mom back when she was trying to be the trailer trash queen despot of our mobile home. Wasn¡¯t until she tried reconnecting with her roots as a would-be-actress and acting less like trailer trash that she actually started reaching me. Shit. Fuck. Definitely maybe something like an electra complex. Do I need to start reading up on Carl Jung, so that I don¡¯t wind up letting this grow into some sort of neurosis down the line? I¡¯ve got enough of those already as it is. Would a therapist help? It was a troubling distraction, and when she got back home and stepped inside it felt like her thoughts were still pinballing back and forth throughout her head. ¡°Oven¡¯s still preheating,¡± Mrs. Moore fretted. ¡°How much milk did you get?¡± ¡°Just a quart,¡± Tabitha placed it on the counter with the arrangement they¡¯d prepared for scalloped potatoes. ¡°Here, your change.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t mind that. You just hang on to it for if you ever need some spendin¡¯ money.¡± ¡°¡®Kay,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Are you alright?¡± Mrs. Moore paused. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m tryin¡¯,¡± Tabitha promised, giving her mother a weak smile. ¡°C¡¯mon, let¡¯s do this.¡±
She instructed her mother in how to whisk the milk in with butter and flour to make a cream sauce, trading occasional quiet banter back and forth with Mrs. Moore, who was always uncomfortable following a recipe that didn¡¯t provide exact measurements. They peeled potatoes together in silence as One Life to Live out in the living room gave way to General Hospital, and then the spuds were washed and sliced and carefully arranged in their glass dish beneath a healthy layer of cheese. The dish went into the oven, where it would remain until shortly before they left to have Thanksgiving with Grandma Laurie and the boys. Hmm. With this much cheese, these might be more potatoes au gratin than scalloped potatoes, but¡ªso sue me. They¡¯re gonna be delicious, that¡¯s all that matters. Aunt Lisa remained quiet the entire afternoon, lapsing in and out of consciousness as the TV played away in front of her. Some small respite from dealing with the woman¡¯s grating voice suited Tabitha just fine, and after very carefully scrubbing the instant coffee dregs out of her nice tea set with her mother¡¯s help, she carried them one by one into her room to hide the pieces away. When the last teacup was turned upside-down and placed on a small towel on her dresser, Tabitha¡¯s eyes continued to wander. A pair of the golden-foil wrapped Reese¡¯s peanut butter cups were paperweights upon her school withdrawal papers, and the homeschooling information printouts Mrs. Cribb had sent them. The rest of that small mountain of Reese¡¯s from the Halloween haul was hidden in the freezer, where the chocolate wouldn¡¯t tempt them with its seductive wiles. She¡¯d kept a few get-well cards and had them propped up, but the Ariel costume had been folded and put away. Otherwise, her tiny bedroom was still as sparsely decorated as it had been back during Halloween, when the girls had had that sleep over. Tabitha¡¯s spartan bedroom seemed to reflect the limbo of her state of being, because it wasn¡¯t the place of a budding young girl, cluttered with her hopes and dreams for the future, and it also wasn¡¯t the living space of an old woman, full of fond memories and knick-knacks from days gone by. It was some empty in-between, without any indication of what direction her life was going in. I¡¯m happiest when I can just be a normal boring teenage daughter, Tabitha thought, glancing around her room with a listless expression. When things can just be simple and I can just have the loving family I always wanted. When I can just be the person I always wished I could have been. SHOULD have been. Or work my way towards that, at least. Tabitha¡¯s identity problems were beginning to reach a sense of actual crisis. Thirteen was supposed to be a time of metamorphosis, but everything for her was completely backwards, a baffling psychological reversal of concepts. Her future adulthood was in the past, now, and the childhood she revisited was nothing like she remembered¡ªit was almost all treading entirely new ground. Even despite her mind weathering through all of this reasonably well enough, Tabitha felt she was sometimes emotionally regressing in a serious way. All the intelligence in the world wouldn¡¯t help her if the way she felt about things completely overwhelmed every rational decision she might make. That, and also¡­ I¡¯m completely off-balance again here because Lisa showed up out of nowhere. Blindsided me. Despite how I¡¯m supposed to know basically what events happen, and generally when. Or, at least know things in a vague way. Unwelcome BUTTERFLY EFFECT surprises that aren¡¯t part of my future knowledge at this point start to make me feel real... extremely vulnerable. On edge. Especially after¡ªyeah, after all the nice ¡®surprises¡¯ so far. I¡¯m less and less okay with these kind of surprises each time, BECAUSE IT ALWAYS SUCKS, and, naturally, it¡¯s going to happen more and more often, because of the little ripple effect changes spreading outward and changing everything. Pretty soon, there won¡¯t be ANY comfort to be had from future knowledge, and¡­ who even am I at THAT point? I¡¯m not from the future anymore, then. I¡¯m just a crazy person, with almost completely irrelevant knowledge from some... hypothetical divergent timeline that no longer has any bearing on the one we¡¯re in here and now. I¡¯m just an actual fucking thirteen-year-old again, but with added crazy. Basically¡ªbottom line¡ªI¡¯m crazy. I¡¯m crazy. GREAT. Physically, she wasn¡¯t faring much better than she was mentally. Her body had still been undergoing puberty when it was suddenly subjected to the extreme flux of weight loss and the repeated shocks to her system¡ªhead trauma from being pushed off a trampoline in the first place, the wrist fracture from being shoved off the curb at school, then renewed head trauma from being attacked at the Halloween party more recently. Not for the first time, she wondered if all of her future knowledge maybe really WAS some sort of hyperactive hallucination brought on by some tissue or nerve damage to her brain. Tabitha turned her head in the mirror so that she could see her stitches. They looked fine, they hadn¡¯t been inflamed or irritated or swollen or anything, and the shaved patch there on the side was beginning to grow back in as a downy soft fuzz of red hair. She was still very, very pale. What a grand delusion this would all be¡­ but once you start doubting, it never really stops, does it? 37: Thanksgiving with family. A lifetime ago ¡°Happy Thanksgiving, Honey,¡± Grandma Laurie welcomed Tabitha into the apartment with a weary smile. ¡°Happy Thanksgiving,¡± Mr. Moore greeted, giving his chubby daughter a nudge to prompt her to do the same. ¡°Say Happy Thanksgiving, Tabitha.¡± ¡°Happy Thanksgiving,¡± Tabitha croaked, fidgeting in the doorway. ¡°No Shannon this year, either?¡± Grandma Laurie asked, beckoning them inside. ¡°She¡¯s not feelin¡¯ too great about leavin¡¯ the house right now,¡± Mr. Moore explained with an awkward expression as he shuffled Tabitha inside. ¡°She does wish she could be here with us.¡± ¡°Well, I hope she feels better,¡± Grandma Laurie gave him a knowing look and patted him on the shoulder. ¡°We¡¯ll put together a big dish of leftovers for you to take over, how¡¯s that sound?¡± ¡°Sounds great,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°Love you, Mom.¡± ¡°Tabby Honey¡ªyour cousins are all in the bedroom playing their video game,¡± Grandma Laurie said. ¡°I¡¯m sure you remember all the boys.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Tabitha said with reluctance. Her grandmother¡¯s apartment reeked of the unfamiliar¡ªit was too nice. The furnishings were simple but tasteful with curio cabinets, an overstuffed sofa, a modest television set, and old lamps that lit the room with warm light. In contrast to the decor there was a pile of grubby-looking boys¡¯ backpacks in a small heap by the door, worn plastic action figures were strewn about the periphery¡ªNinja Turtles, a Megazord missing an arm, a Batman sans his cape, a half dozen small Happy Meal Transformers toys that seemed to turn into fries and ice cream cones and sandwiches. Both extremes made Tabitha uncomfortable. The toys were violent boys things with swords and guns and whatnot. The tastefully-appointed Grandma aspects of the room were an enormous leap from what home was like and that put her on edge even worse. Do I havta take off my shoes? Can I just sit on the couch and watch TV by myself? Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but hunch her shoulders a bit as she glanced around. I don¡¯t want to play with my cousins. Why can¡¯t I just stay at home like Momma does? It¡¯s not fair that she doesn¡¯t havta come for stupid Thanksgiving. ¡°They¡¯re right on in there, playing their games,¡± Grandma gestured in amusement, apparently of the mind that Tabby would just love to hang out with other kids. ¡°Go on and say hi.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha said with a blank face, mechanically stumbling down the indicated hall. The hallway was lined with framed photos, mostly of Dad and his brother Uncle Danny when they were younger. There were several pictures of the cousins when they were toddlers, there was an embarrassing blown-up yearbook photo of a pudgy Tabitha attempting a dour smile from last year at Laurel Middle school¡ªand as if to taunt her gross inadequacy, for some reason there was an astounding beautiful red-haired young woman with a gorgeous smile in the picture frame just above her. She gave that one a lingering look, wondering just like when she had visited last year who that one was and which side of the family she was on. Maybe one of her mother¡¯s relatives? She looked familiar in a weird, difficult to place way. Momma didn¡¯t talk about her family. It was a bad subject to bring up, and this was probably why¡ªher Momma probably felt just as rotten seeing this girl as Tabby did. Her four cousins were all gathered around the bed in Grandma¡¯s room playing a Nintendo 64, and none of them looked up when she came in. The TV screen was split into four different views, each one displaying a hand with a gun in it and dizzying blurs of walls and corridors and stairways and doors as each boy apparently controlled a different character to race around some weird-looking complex in search of something. A blocky polygon person appeared on one of the screens¡ª no, the figures of two different sprinting people with guns appeared, one on each of the diagonal divisions of TV screen, and suddenly the multiplayer game erupted into a cacophony of wild gunfire that made made Tabitha want to flinch back. ¡°Hah! Gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha!¡± ¡°No you¡ªdamn, stop, stop¡ª¡± ¡°He¡¯s cheating, Aiden¡¯s screenwatching¡ª¡± ¡°Gotcha! Hah-hah, you¡¯re dead, you¡¯re dead, you¡¯re¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m not even looking at your stupid¡ª¡± ¡°Well now I¡¯m gonna kill you though.¡± ¡°Nuh-uh you¡¯re not.¡± ¡°I know where you are and your health¡¯s like, all gone.¡± ¡°Ohhh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap¡ª¡± ¡°Hi,¡± Tabitha interrupted with a half-hearted wave. ¡°It¡¯s Tabby,¡± One of the boys¡ªshe knew all their names but didn¡¯t know who was who¡ª gave her a brief glance before turning back to the game. ¡°We¡¯re playing Goldeneye,¡± the youngest one proclaimed. ¡°Do you wanna play?¡± ¡°She can¡¯t play. There¡¯s only four controllers.¡± ¡°Yeah, stupid. Are you gonna quit so she can play?¡± ¡°No, you are.¡± ¡°Pfft, yeah right. You are.¡± ¡°Nuh-uh. I have first controller, so I¡¯m first. Nick has fourth controller, so he¡¯s last¡ªhe should quit.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not gonna quit.¡± ¡°Whoever dies next has to quit.¡± ¡°Oh crap oh crap wait oh crap oh crap¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°I don¡¯t play... Golden Eye.¡± ¡°Good, ¡®cause we¡¯re already playing.¡± ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re already playing and there¡¯s only four controllers anyways.¡± ¡°We should play Facility next.¡± ¡°No way, Facility¡¯s dumb. We should do Bunker again next, but with proximity mines.¡± ¡°Bunker¡¯s dumb.¡± ¡°How can you say Bunker¡¯s dumb? You¡¯re dumb.¡± ¡°Proximity mines are dumb. They¡¯re basically cheating.¡± ¡°Yeah, you only want proximity mines because you suck at playing!¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re just mad because you suck at proximity mines.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t suck at proximity mines. All they do is just blow up.¡± ¡°Yeah, when you play proximity mines it¡¯s like the proximity mines do all the work.¡± Having been immediately forgotten about, Tabitha was more than content to fade into the background and be invisible to them. She remained quiet and found an uneasy perch on the far edge of the bed so she could watch. This Goldeneye seemed to consist entirely of them just murdering each other over and over again with guns. The screens were tiny, they lit up with olive wreaths of red and blue squares for some reason whenever they were about to die, and trying to keep up with what was going on when everyone was running around so fast felt like it was just going to give her a headache. Video games, in her mind, were for rich kids¡ªshe was interested and curious, but the whole experience was also intimidating and complex and she didn¡¯t imagine her parents would ever buy her anything like that. Glancing at the oversized controllers perplexed her even more, because each of the smooth plastic contraptions in her cousins¡¯ hands had three handles, a joystick, and an incomprehensible array of different colored buttons in strange groupings. Tabitha did want to try playing a Nintendo 64 sometime, but not here, and not like this. She wanted to play something that looked actually fun, like from the Banjo Kazooie commercials that played on TV, or to get into that Pokemon thing that she overheard everyone else at school always talking about. Tabitha watched on with a bored expression as the younger boys continue to violently murder each other in the game for the better part of an hour. She didn¡¯t have to speak up or try to get to know them, so that was nice at least. She was free to sit back by herself with no one paying attention to her and daydream of someday having her own friends to play cool-looking Nintendo 64 games with. After all, someday¡ªsomeday she¡¯d have a bunch of her own friends to have fun with, and it¡¯d be amazing. Somewhere in her bitter thirteen-year-old heart, she already knew it was never ever going to happen. ¡°Booooys!¡± Grandma Laurie yelled over from the kitchen. It sounded as though she was very used to having to holler. ¡°Tabby, boys¡ªturn that thing off and c¡¯mon out, Thanksgiving supper¡¯s ready.¡± Mismatched chairs had been requisitioned and set up for the additional two guests and everyone took places at the table, with Tabitha sitting next to her Dad while the boys all clambered haphazardly into their seats. They didn¡¯t have much in the way of manners, with two of the cousins rising up to sit on their knees so they could put their hands on the table and peer across the ¡®lavish¡¯ spread of food. Thanksgiving dinner was baked beans with hot dogs mixed in, as well as instant mashed potatoes, coleslaw, and stuffing. Tabby remembered the year before there had been a big turkey they baked in the oven, but it apparently wasn¡¯t worth the effort with Uncle Danny and Aunt Lisa gone to¡­ well, wherever they were. The boys were picky eaters and wouldn¡¯t eat turkey, it came right from a roasted dead bird and that was weird. Much like Tabitha, they were raised on processed meats like bologna slices and ninety-nine cent hot dog packs¡ªactual turkey was too bizarre. Grandma Laurie had done her best to make an occasion of it, but still nothing looked all that appetizing to Tabby. ¡°I was gonna buy a big ham and carve it up, but¡­¡± Grandma Laurie sighed and gave her son an apologetic look. ¡°I figured the boys might not eat it, and I might as well save the extra money for their Christmas instead.¡± ¡°Everything looks great, Mom,¡± Mr. Moore promised her. ¡°There¡¯s more here than we can eat anyways, we¡¯ve gotta be thankful. Tabby, boys¡ªdoesn¡¯t everything look great?¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± One of the boys stabbed a finger at one of the dishes. ¡°It smells gross.¡± ¡°That¡¯s coleslaw, we had it here last year,¡± Grandma Laurie reminded the boy. ¡°You won¡¯t eat it¡ªwe have beans and hot dogs for you boys.¡± ¡°Beans, beans, the magical fruit,¡± one of the other boys sang, ¡°the more you eat, the more you toot!¡± ¡°Samuel, enough,¡± Grandma Laurie warned. ¡°Sit properly at the table. Do you wanna say grace?¡± ¡°No way,¡± the boy made a face. ¡°Nick can say grace.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not saying grace!¡± ¡°Yub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub!¡± The singing boy chimed in again. ¡°Hey now, we have company,¡± Grandma Laurie sighed. ¡°Behave yourselves.¡± ¡°Boys, sit,¡± Mr. Moore commanded in a stern voice. ¡°Mom, I¡¯ll say grace.¡± Tabitha obediently bowed her head and clasped her doughy hands together over the swell of her protruding stomach. It was a constant reminder of how fat she felt, especially when they were about to tuck into a big meal like this. Other girls seemed to simply be skinny and it was natural and effortless for them, and the frustration of that made Tabitha just want to shrink back into herself and disappear like always. ¡°Dear heavenly Father, we thank you for this meal you¡¯ve given us. We thank you for looking over us¡ªfor watching over these boys, for looking after my daughter. We thank you for all of your blessings, and we¡¯re thankful that we¡¯re able to sit and eat together as a family. Amen.¡±
Now Tabitha sat sandwiched between her mother and father on the bench seat of his truck, staring down at the cast she held on her lap. She was nothing like that Tabitha of old¡ªshe was slender enough now that she appeared frail, but she carried herself with confidence and poise. Mrs. Moore was joining them this time, not only having likewise lost weight, but having overcome the crippling agoraphobia that kept her from ever leaving the mobile home last lifetime. Aunt Lisa was riding along with them, lounging back there behind in the open air bed of the truck with one bony elbow propped up on the side. The sheer amount of differences between this Thanksgiving and what she remembered from her previous life completely overwhelmed whatever scant few similarities remained. So much had changed that there was little point in ruminating over it anymore¡ªthere was no meaning to be gleaned from examining subtle changes. There were no subtle changes. Everything had changed, in drastic ways, from the cast of actors present to their relationships to the present narrative. It wasn¡¯t even November twenty-fifth today. They were having their Moore family Thanksgiving a day early, so that the Moores could join the Macintires on actual Thanksgiving. ¡°Boys¡¯re sure in for a surprise,¡± Mr. Moore remarked. ¡°Seein¡¯ their Momma again for Thanksgiving.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Tabitha stared forward out the windshield, doing her best not to show any emotions. To her father¡¯s apparent dismay, silence once again pervaded the cab of the truck. Whenever Lisa got brought up, Mrs. Moore sealed her lips and held her peace, either because she had nothing to say about the matter, or perhaps in show of solidarity with Tabitha¡¯s obvious and ever-growing animosity for the woman. Shannon Moore had never had much of a rapport with any of Alan¡¯s side of the family, and it was only in recent months that she¡¯d even started to be on better terms with Grandma Laurie. Tabitha hadn¡¯t known any of them well in her first life. Though circumstances here in this one had at first pushed Tabitha towards her Grandma¡ªonly for help squeezing out from beneath her mother¡¯s obstinate thumb¡ªby this point, Tabitha had bridged strong familial connections between both of them. Her mother and father, her Grandma, the four cousins¡ª these were all her family now. Uncle Danny and her Aunt Lisa were not family. As far as she was concerned, the lines had been drawn, and they just grew more and more solid every time Aunt Lisa opened her mouth and something ignorant popped out. ¡°Heeeey booooys!¡± Aunt Lisa yelled out the moment Mr. Moore made the final turn through the development and Grandma Laurie¡¯s was in sight. The boys were out playing in the yard as usual, and each one of the cousins appeared stunned as Aunt Lisa rose up into a half-standing position in the bed of the moving vehicle so that she could let out a loud wolf whistle. ¡°MOM!¡± Aiden squealed, breaking into a teary-eyed sprint across Grandma Laurie¡¯s front yard towards the truck. Mr. Moore slowed as the boy ran in front of the truck, and the chassis rocked as Aunt Lisa hopped out of the back, waving proudly with both arms like this was the parade for a returning hero. Aiden ran into his mother with such force that he nearly bowled the woman off her feet, while Tabitha watched on in mounting frustration. I should have¡ªI don¡¯t know what I should have done. Prevented them from meeting again, somehow. Some way. ¡°Awww, Aidey Baby!¡± Lisa crooned, splaying her long false nails and patting the boy¡¯s back with her palms so as not to break her acrylics. ¡°Aidey Baby¡ªdid you miss yer Momma?!¡± Of course he missed his fucking mother you stupid TWAT, Tabitha seethed as she followed her mother out of the truck and stepped to the curb. ¡®Mother¡¯ is the name for God in the hearts of little children. You¡¯re their Mom¡ªat that age, you¡¯re, you¡¯re EVERYTHING to them! And you fucking left! How could she prove to her parents that Aunt Lisa was getting into heroin, and that she had only returned for the money? She felt sure that Aunt Lisa had drugs in her purse, and that that was why she was guarding it so closely. Who would believe her if Tabitha claimed to know there was heroin in that purse, though? She still hadn¡¯t been into Aunt Lisa¡¯s purse¡ªthere¡¯d been no opportunity. Aunt Lisa didn¡¯t let it out of her sight for a moment. There might not even be drugs in the purse, for all she knew Aunt Lisa could just be paranoid about letting anyone near the last of her stash of saved money or something. Even if I pull a bunch of needles out of her purse and wave them around¡ªhow can I prove it¡¯s heroin, and not insulin or something? Tabitha grit her teeth and shifted her weight from foot to foot and then turned and took several steps back and forth to bleed off her restless annoyance. It¡¯d be my word against hers. Me, the emotional teen. Accusing her of being a drug addict out of nowhere, for no discernable reason to them. When they already feel I¡¯m at odds with her. Lisa¡¯s slippery, and probably already has alibis and excuses and whatever reasoning thought up for being called out. Watching Aiden bury his face against that awful woman, and seeing her carefully sink her talons back into him made Tabitha furious. Was that a cold, calculative glint in Lisa¡¯s wretched eyes, or was it just her imagination getting the best of her? Tabitha had half a mind to stomp over there and separate them, to make some dramatic display of pointed accusation, to confront this terrible truth that everyone else must be willingly blinding themselves to. There were too many gut-wrenching feelings to deal with right now, and more than anything Tabitha just wanted out, wanted to immediately leave and go back home. She knew it wasn¡¯t fair of her to feel betrayed by how her cousins gathered around Aunt Lisa with wet eyes, but Tabitha felt betrayed anyways. She refused to believe she was jealous, she was not jealous, but anger at Lisa and sympathy for the boy¡¯s terribly misplaced love for their mother wrestled with one another within her, and she didn¡¯t stand to benefit from either of them winning out. ¡°Mom¡ªMom,¡± Joshua vied for his mother¡¯s attention. ¡°Mom¡ªwhere did you go?!¡± The hurt in Samuel¡¯s eyes seemed to devastate only Tabitha, because everyone else was smiling as if they were touched by the happy reunion. ¡°Moooommy!¡± Aiden wailed, refusing to let go of the woman. It¡¯s just me¡ªof course it¡¯s just me, Tabitha grit her teeth. I¡¯m the only one poisoned by future knowledge. Knowing that she didn¡¯t come back for THEM, that she¡¯s just, just this filthy fucking parasite scurrying back at the scent of money. I wish I didn¡¯t know. I wish I DIDN¡¯T know. Fuck. I need to¡ªI need to calm down. Calm down. Calm down. ¡°Well,¡± Mr. Moore let out an uneasy chuckle, looking up past the tearful reunion in the front yard to where Grandma Laurie was stepping out onto the porch. ¡°Surprise?¡± ¡°Happy Thanksgiving,¡± Grandma Laurie gave the family a strained smile. ¡°Shannon, it¡¯s good to see you. Tabby Honey¡ªI¡¯m glad you could make it.¡± ¡°Happy Thanksgiving, Grandma,¡± Tabitha forced out, trying¡ªand failing¡ªto put on a smile. ¡°Happy Thanksgiving,¡± Shannon called, pointedly glancing past the scene Lisa was making from her mother-in-law to her daughter and back again as if to ignore some unspoken unpleasant truth. ¡°Well o¡¯course it is!¡± Lisa snorted. ¡°Momma¡¯s back, aren¡¯t ch¡¯all thankful?! We¡¯re gon¡¯ havta break out the beer an¡¯ celebrate Thanksgiving proper this year, you hear me?¡± All at once, Tabitha felt like she was completely done with the entire do-over. She was sick and tired of having future knowledge¡ªshe just wanted the ignorance and naivety of a thirteen, almost fourteen-year-old girl again. That time in her first life having Thanksgiving with Grandma Laurie and the boys, hadn¡¯t that been pretty okay? Had all this baggage from the future really made her any happier? The future sucks. It sucks! It¡¯s completely shitty and awful and depressing and I¡¯m, I¡¯m sick of having it just hang over my head! Tabitha scowled, feeling that familiar swelling surge of emotion get the better of her once again. Sick of having it LOOM over me with inevitability. Everything I want to change for the better seems to just take HERCULEAN effort, shifting any stone of obstruction in the path of my past reveals some serpent sleeping beneath I never knew about. There¡¯s so many frustrating things I CAN¡¯T change¡ªand I¡¯m just hurting and exhausted, all of the fucking time. All of the fucking time!
Lisa... you¡¯re dressed like a street walker, for crying out loud! Laurie¡¯s rigid smile felt more strained than ever. It¡¯s Thanksgiving. Is that how you want your kids to see you? Laurie sighed, deciding to rest her old bones on the steps while her grandchildren swarmed their mother with tears. She couldn¡¯t say she was thrilled to see Lisa. She¡¯d honestly never been thrilled to see Lisa. Both her sons seemed to turn soft in the head when confronted with a pretty face, Alan completely enamored by their small town starlet-to-be Shannon, and Daniel falling head-over-heels for¡ªwell, Lisa was a harlot. To Laurie¡¯s constant consternation, Lisa got pregnant with the first of the boys while still in her teens, and then the girl just kept on getting knocked up, over and over again. Neither Lisa nor Daniel seemed to have the slightest restraint. Neither ever felt inclined to stop and consider the consequences¡ªthat each of these children would need raised up and taken care of. The sour looks Tabitha and Shannon were wearing told her with certainty that Lisa sure wasn¡¯t going to be staying with them, and that meant Laurie had yet another mouth to feed. As upsetting for the boys as it had been when Lisa took off without a word and disappeared on them... Laurie couldn¡¯t deny that it had been for the best. The woman wasn¡¯t a proper mother, and often it felt like every cross moment she had with the boys led right back to the same problem¡ªtheir upbringing with Lisa. While the four boys had been with Lisa, the woman had made no efforts to keep them out of trouble or teach them right from wrong. She barely paid any attention to them at all, because at her core, Lisa seemed a self-centered woman and everything had to revolve around her. The only times Lisa scolded them at all were when the boys did something that would inconvenience her. Back when Aiden had scraped his knee bloody and was bawling his little heart out, Laurie remembered that Lisa had been annoyed rather than concerned. ¡°What the fuck were y¡¯all doin¡¯?! Lisa had snapped. Sammie¡ªwhy¡¯s yer brother bleedin¡¯? Huh? Why aren¡¯t you watchin¡¯ out for yer brother?!¡±
¡°Everything looks nice,¡± Tabitha remarked upon surveying her grandmother¡¯s apartment. ¡°Aw, thank you dear,¡± Grandma Laurie gave her a wry smile and patted the girl¡¯s shoulder as if Tabitha was simply being polite. It really did look nice to Tabitha, but with memories of her past life some forty years distant it was hard to put her finger on exactly what had changed. The atmosphere was very different¡ªGrandma Laurie seemed less frazzled than Tabitha remembered, the four boys seemed a tiny bit better behaved. Or, maybe it was just personal bias influencing how she perceived them now that she knew them better? The apartment was small but cozy, and had been tidied up prior to their arrival for early Thanksgiving, with four children¡¯s backpacks hung up next to each other on the pegs of the coat rack. Rather than toys being strewn about the floor everywhere, the carpet was clear and sported the telltale clean lines of having been vacuumed recently. The boys had obviously been put to task with picking up their things, because many of the toys appeared to now be on the bottom shelf of the entertainment center. A fold-out Bruce Wayne Manor playset was one one side, and all of their action figures were standing in close formation next to it¡ªpower rangers, ninja turtles, and the exaggerated plastic musculature of WWF wrestlers all arranged in display as if waiting for a presidential address from the balcony of the batcave. ¡°I¡¯m so glad everyone could make it,¡± Grandma Laurie stepped in to accept the glass dish of scalloped potatoes Mrs. Moore had brought. ¡°Oh, this looks lovely, Shannon.¡± ¡°Tabitha and I made them fresh this afternoon,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°Well, I mostly just followed her directions, she¡¯s still got her arm in that awful cast. Might¡¯ve baked too long, the cheese turned a little darker than¡ª¡± ¡°It looks lovely,¡± Grandma Laurie repeated, ¡°and it smells delicious. Glad I bought that ham, now! Don¡¯t think baked beans and hot dogs would¡¯ve been enough for everyone.¡± ¡°What, we ain¡¯t havin¡¯ turkey?¡± Aunt Lisa sounded miffed. ¡°Are you for serious? The hell kinda Thanksgivin¡¯ is it without turkey?¡± ¡°Lisa, you know the boys won¡¯t eat turkey,¡± Grandma Laurie reminded her in a soft voice. ¡°Well who gives a flying fart what they wanna eat?¡± Aunt Lisa scoffed. ¡°They¡¯re six years old, they havta eat whatever¡¯n it is we say they do. An¡¯ if they don¡¯t finish what¡¯s on their plate they can sit there at the table ¡®till they finish! I ain¡¯t raisin¡¯ up no picky eaters.¡± You haven¡¯t been RAISING any of them, Tabitha was once again forced to grit her teeth so that she didn¡¯t launch into a furious tirade. None of them are six years old. Sam¡¯s almost ELEVEN years old, now. Lisa, you¡¯re freeloading food, here. You haven¡¯t provided anyone ANYTHING. You want turkey, why don¡¯t you fucking¡ª ¡°Tabitha, boys¡ªwhy don¡¯t you all go on and play your video game in the other room,¡± Grandma Laurie proposed. From the dirty look the old woman shot Lisa, Tabitha could tell that Grandma Laurie didn¡¯t approve of Lisa¡¯s assertion or the foul language used in expressing it. Both Mr. and Mrs. Moore looked embarrassed to have brought Lisa here, but also¡ª what else could they have done? This was supposed to be a touching reunion for her and the four boys, but Aunt Lisa was already hopping on the sofa and fishing for the remote control. Samuel, Nicholas, Aiden, and Joshua were milling about beside Tabitha, uncharacteristically quiet and subdued. ¡°Sure,¡± Tabitha spoke up, fighting to put on a smile for her cousins. ¡°C¡¯mon, guys. Why don¡¯t you show me your game?¡± The young boys seemed to grasp at someone finally giving them attention like it was their lifeline, and quickly clamored to tug Tabitha on down the hallway towards Grandma¡¯s room where the other TV and their Nintendo 64 was set up. Despite visiting her cousins semi-frequently over the past half-year, Tabitha had yet to sit down and actually watch them play video games. Whenever she came over, she was bringing them to the playground to play. At best she¡¯d gone in to check and make sure the game console was turned off before they ran outside with her. Besides enjoying a few random mobile games like Peggle back in her college years, Tabitha¡¯s only real experience with video games were android ports of Pokemon games, and then later dabbling a bit in ¡®classic¡¯ titles re-released on the Nintendo Magi. Most of that was simply to see what all the fuss was about with the new holographics¡ªonce companies were investing upwards of a billion dollars into development, games and gaming supplanted cinema and television as the more common cultural touchstone. ¡°The only racing game we have is Ten-Eighty Snowboarding, so if¡ª¡± ¡°All-star Basketball or Goldeneye. I bet Tabby¡¯d be really good at¡ª¡± ¡°We don¡¯t have any girl games, but¡ª¡± ¡°Tabby¡¯s not like like a girly girl, though,¡± Samuel interjected. ¡°She¡¯d be good at snowboarding.¡± ¡°No way, we should play wrestling!¡± Nicholas whined. ¡°NWO-World Tour is¡ª¡± ¡°What do you want to play?¡± Joshua asked. ¡°We have four controllers, so¡ªoh, look!¡± ¡°Yeah, look,¡± Aiden chimed in. ¡°Gramma put up your picture.¡± ¡°My picture?¡± Tabitha asked. Turning to see the photographs hanging along the hallway wall, Tabitha discovered that beneath the young glamour shot of her mother was a framed picture of herself clipped out from the newspaper¡ªthe somewhat fuzzy shot Alicia had somehow managed to take of her running towards Officer Macintire moments after the shooting. Likewise Tabitha found another picture beside it of a flushed but skinny looking Tabitha about to leap down from the playground equipment in the park while two of the boys were fleeing in the foreground with huge grins. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. That¡¯s me¡ªthat¡¯s from THIS timeline, for some reason Tabitha was shocked. That¡¯s the current me. Well, from a few months ago or so maybe, there¡¯s no cast. I look¡­ like a pretty cool little brat. When did she even¡ªdoes Grandma Laurie own a camera? No one in this world knew how important the new memories she was making in this life were to Tabitha, but the fact that some of these moments seemed just as important to Grandma Laurie was touching. In her last time through, Tabitha barely even knew this part of her family at all¡ªGrandma Laurie and the cousins only existed at Thanksgiving and Christmas. She hadn¡¯t valued them, they¡¯d simply been there in the far periphery of her life. ¡°C¡¯mon, c¡¯mon,¡± Joshua had his arm hooked through her elbow and was trying to pull her back towards the bedroom while his brothers were already turning the game system on back there. ¡°Coming, sorry,¡± Tabitha murmured with a wistful smile. ¡°Did I hear you say you had a game about snowboarding?¡± Unlike last lifetime, and even despite the improbable return of their own mother, Tabitha was the center of their attention. They weren¡¯t willing to let her fade quietly into the background sitting on the other side of the bedspread¡ªthey sat her down on the edge right in front and pushed a Nintendo 64 controller into her hands as the CRT TV slowly fuzzed to life. ¡°What the¡­?¡± Tabitha turned the plastic controller over in her hands, having a rare moment where she felt completely like an old lady again. Am I supposed to bop it or twist it? Tabitha joked to herself. There¡¯s three handles here, and I¡¯ve only got two hands. There¡¯s a joystick here where I can¡¯t reach it, and buttons and triggers spread all over the place, so how are you supposed to even¡ª ¡°You hold it like this,¡± Samuel instructed, correcting her hold on the gray controller. ¡°Ignore this whole side. Except for this button, you need this one.¡± ¡°Ah, I see,¡± Tabitha nodded in amusement, feeling like a pro gamer already. ¡°When you put it like that¡ª this must be so that left-handed people can use it the other way around?¡± ¡°Left-handed people?¡± Aiden looked confused. ¡°This way¡¯s right, and this way¡¯s left,¡± Joshua demonstrated proudly, turning in place to face the other way and pointing the wrong direction each time. ¡°No wait, this way¡¯s left, and this way¡¯s right. Left is west and right is east. Right?¡± ¡°Left-handed people are born using the wrong hand for everything,¡± Samuel explained to his youngest brother. ¡°It¡¯s like a disability, or being handicapped sorta. You can get a handicapped parking tag for it when you grow up, one of the kids in my class has it.¡± Their childish take on everything was refreshing¡ªin the pre-internet era, conjecture and misinformation was situation normal, and the entire world around them was decorated with tall tales they¡¯d heard from seemingly reliable older kids. Tabitha was still fish-out-of-water enough herself that the first association she made with left and right was democrats and republicans¡ªwhich may as well not even exist to these elementary schoolers¡ªand it helped the last of her anger at their mother drain away. Their mother, who¡¯d rather sit out there watching Jerry Springer and Judge Judy than spend time with her own kids. Her own children, who she hasn¡¯t seen in months and each of them must have a billion things to tell her and show her and go on about. They¡¯re growing up fast, and she¡¯s missing it¡ªshe doesn¡¯t even care that she¡¯s missing it. All four of them are just DESPERATE for a mother figure, and Grandma Laurie and I can only do so much. The boys were louder than ever as they talked over each other attempting to give Tabitha advice as she guided a blocky polygon snowboarder down a snowy half-pipe on the screen. It was fun despite the pixel antialiasing and janky graphics that seemed prehistoric to her, and mostly because of how enthusiastic the boys were to teach her how to play. Samuel was crouched on his knees on the bed behind her, looking over her shoulder and occasionally pointing out which button was which on the controller. Nicholas turned into a chatty backseat driver criticizing her every move, and Joshua and Aiden stood on either side of television gesturing wildly and trying to show her what cool moves she could do. I need to talk to Alicia about games, or maybe even Casey, Tabitha decided, the boys all jumping and cheering as she steered her snowboarder up one side of the curved slope and then mashed buttons until some kind of trick was performed. It¡¯s¡ªwow, that was kinda neat¡ªum, Christmas is coming up, and I want to get the boys each something special. I think Casey said the Gameboy Color was coming out soon¡ªthere¡¯s no way we can afford four of THEM, but surely that means the price of the original, regular Gameboy has gone down. Right? They could each have one of those, and¡­ play Pokemon against each other, or, or¡­ something. I KNOW that Pokemon gets to be really big. You can¡¯t put a price tag on memories at this age, on this sheer childlike wonder they have for new things, this excitement. It won¡¯t be like this for them forever.
¡°Aiden. You put that on your plate, now you better eat it. No child o¡¯ mine¡¯s gonna be wastin¡¯ food on Thanksgivin¡¯¡ªyou better eat it, or so help me God,¡± Aunt Lisa threatened, pointing a finger across the table right in her son¡¯s face. ¡°That goes for all of you¡¯ns. If them plates ain¡¯t clean, none of y¡¯all are gettin¡¯ any dessert. You hear me?¡± He DIDN¡¯T put the ham on his plate, you did, Tabitha seethed. My dad asked if they wanted to try any ham, and they each POLITELY refused and I was so proud of their table manners! So, what do you do? You yell at them, insist they¡¯re insulting Grandma Laurie who made it for them, and slapped a cut of ham on each of their plates. With your filthy fucking unwashed FINGERS, when there¡¯s a pair of tongs right there in the dish with the cuts of ham! ¡°There¡¯s dessert?¡± Aiden dared to raise his head. ¡°No, there¡¯s no dessert¡ªit¡¯s a figure of speech Aiden, don¡¯t be a smartass,¡± Aunt Lisa growled. ¡°Jesus H. Christ, y¡¯all act like fuckin¡¯ animals. And they wonder why I didn¡¯t want y¡¯all around, it¡¯s been nothin¡¯ but sass and backtalkin¡¯ me since right the minute I got here.¡± There was a clatter of silverware against a dish as Tabitha rose up out of her seat in a blind, sickening rage, and only Grandma Laurie¡¯s hand on her shoulder stopped her. Glaring pure venom at Aunt Lisa, Tabitha slowly¡ªreluctantly¡ªeased back down into her seat. Her temper seemed to be on a hair-trigger now, and although she didn¡¯t know what she would actually do if she dived over and tackled Aunt Lisa, she knew it wouldn¡¯t be good. ¡°Lisa¡ªplease,¡± Grandma Laurie tried to mediate. ¡°It¡¯s Thanksgiving. Let¡¯s just try to¡ª¡± ¡°No, nuh-uh,¡± Lisa forked another helping of scalloped potatoes into her mouth and then used the fork to gesture with. ¡°I ain¡¯t puttin¡¯ up with any shit. You¡¯ve been mollycoddlin¡¯ these boys an¡¯ been soft on ¡®em, but all that shit ends right here, right now. You hear me, boys?¡± What a joke¡ªthey haven¡¯t done anything at all worth scolding them for! Tabitha felt nauseous simply sitting at the same table as her Aunt. You¡¯re going WAY out of your way in an attempt to assert dominance, trying to posture your way back into a family hierarchy you have NO fucking place in. Tabitha could only look around the table in disbelief, because it appeared to be working. Her father looked uncomfortable and wore a slight frown as he chewed his food, but didn¡¯t seem like he was planning on speaking up. Mrs. Moore almost seemed to be glowering but rarely looked up from her plate and seemed to retreat back into the background once any conversation with Lisa started, because of the social anxieties she still seemed crippled with. Grandma Laurie seemed to think it wasn¡¯t her place to intervene between the mother and her children and was simply putting up with it. But¡ªI CAN¡¯T put up with it, Tabitha felt sick, her appetite was gone, and she glared down at her dish and idly rearranged food she no longer intended to eat with her fork. Seeing each of the boys¡ªMY boys¡ª just taking the abuse, like beaten dogs¡ªI can¡¯t. I can¡¯t. I¡¯m going to speak up. I¡¯m going to cause a fit. And, and, if no one else takes my side? Then¡ªI, I don¡¯t know. But, I can¡¯t keep putting up with this. If she says ONE more thing to them¡ª ¡°Nicholas,¡± Aunt Lisa snapped. ¡°Use yer goddamn napkin, you¡¯re gettin¡¯ food on your fuckin¡¯¡ª¡± ¡°Aunt Lisa¡ªstop,¡± Tabitha shot out of her seat. ¡°What is wrong with you?¡± ¡°You sit yer ass down and shut your mouth,¡± Lisa¡¯s voice rose. ¡°Don¡¯t you fuckin¡¯ tell me how to raise my goddamn kids¡ª¡± ¡°Lisa, please¡ª¡± Mr. Moore put his fork down onto his plate with a clenk. ¡°You¡¯re not their mother!¡± Tabitha stammered, feeling her throat constrict and fighting back tears of panic¡ªshe was NOT adept at these kind of verbal confrontations. ¡°You walked out on them. You walked out on them. You walked out and abandoned them, and th-that means you forfeit any say¡ª¡± ¡°I did what I hadta do, and now I¡¯m back, right here where I belong, because I¡¯m a great fucking momma! I¡¯m the best goddamn momma in the world, you hear me, and what do you know about being a mother? Huh? You sit yer scrawny ass down! You don¡¯t know shit ¡®bout what I¡¯ve had to do, or where I been, an¡¯ it¡¯s none o¡¯ your business no matter where I been in the first place!¡± ¡°Mom¡ª¡± Joshua tried to speak up. ¡°Where, doing what?!¡± Tabitha demanded. ¡°You didn¡¯t even¡ª¡± ¡°Alan¡ªI swear to God, you better put her in her place, ¡®fore I do it for you,¡± Aunt Lisa warned, slapping a hand down on the table loudly enough to make Joshua flinch. ¡°I swear to God I will. Don¡¯t think I won¡¯t.¡± ¡°Mom¡ª¡± Joshua tugged at Aunt Lisa¡¯s arm. ¡°Get offa me, ya little turd!¡± Aunt Lisa backhanded him across the cheek with enough force to rock the young boy back in his chair. Tabitha was so stunned she didn¡¯t realize she¡¯d risen back up to her feet again until she heard her chair tip back and totter down to the ground behind her. Watching her hands grab out at the back of her mother¡¯s chair, and then her father¡¯s shoulder made her see that she was racing around the table. She was in motion, but she didn¡¯t even know what she was doing¡ªeither making sure Joshua was okay, or tackling his mother to the fucking ground and beating her to a goddamn pulp. She didn¡¯t know what she was doing. Rather than thinking or deliberating or planning, Tabitha felt like a puppet that had been yanked up and into jerky, violent motions by strings of white-hot rage, because her emotions had completely taken control. ¡°Ya don¡¯t go all hangin¡¯ on people like yer some kinda fuckin¡¯ animal¡ª¡± Aunt Lisa was all but snarling into the face of her wet-eyed son when Tabitha stole him away, taking her small cousin awkwardly with her cast and her good hand and lifting him out of his seat into an awkward embrace. It hurt, Joshua was heavy¡ªat eight years old he weighed maybe sixty pounds¡ªbut Tabitha¡¯s muscles were screaming out in pain to completely deaf ears as she cradled the boy¡¯s face against her and hauled him away. She was running away with him¡ªshe didn¡¯t know where to, and in a blur of motion further distorted by her own tears, Tabitha discovered she¡¯d wound up back in Grandma Laurie¡¯s bedroom. ¡°I¡¯m, I¡¯m okay,¡± Joshua protested, trying to struggle free and down to his feet. ¡°I¡¯m¡ª¡± Fumbling with the doorknob quite a bit, as she was not willing to let Joshua out of her arms for even an instant, Tabitha finally managed to move the door and then shoulder it closed behind them. She locked it. Then, she carried Joshua over to the edge of the bed and sat. ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Joshua repeated. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªdon¡¯t cry. It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°It is NOT okay,¡± Tabitha managed out before she felt her throat closing up. ¡°It¡ªit didn¡¯t hurt,¡± Joshua insisted. ¡°I¡¯m okay. It didn¡¯t even hurt.¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t argue with him, because anything she would have said was choked out with sobs. She was in no shape to have attempted lifting him and she¡¯d strained what felt like everything in her back, but the nauseating pit of anger and hatred in her stomach overwhelmed anything and everything else she might have felt. She pulled Joshua close and hugged him tight as she cried, and outside the room the voices of Aunt Lisa and her parents arguing back and forth out in the dining room continued to rise.
Forty minutes passed before her father realized he was going to have to unlock the bedroom door from the other side with a screwdriver, and Tabitha watched the knob finally twist open with detached interest. She felt completely drained. She¡¯d cried and cried and cried, and despite whatever tough little Joshua might tell his brothers later, she knew he¡¯d cried, too. Most of the heated emotions that had strangled out all rational thought finally did drop away, but as they receded her mind felt cold, bitter, and hateful. Her eyes felt swollen and puffy, her throat felt raw and sore, her entire body ached, and Tabitha simply stared at Mr. Moore as he entered Grandma Laurie¡¯s bedroom and sat down beside them. ¡°You okay, Josh?¡± He asked, tousling the boy¡¯s hair. ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Joshua nodded, glancing at Tabitha. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªI¡¯m okay.¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you go on out there in the living room and watch the TV with your brothers,¡± Mr. Moore suggested. Joshua slid off the edge of the bed, but looked first to Tabitha for permission to leave. She opened her mouth and then closed it again, not knowing what to say and finally simply giving him a nod. When her cousin left, giving her one last lingering look, the room seemed to close in on Tabitha in a crushing way, and she had to hunch up her shoulders and retreat into herself just to fight it back. She was exhausted. ¡°Tabby honey¡­¡± Mr. Moore cleared his throat. ¡°I don¡¯t know what got into your Aunt Lisa tonight. We¡¯ve talked an¡¯ talked with her, an¡¯ she¡¯s out on the porch coolin¡¯ her head a bit. I¡­ know you and your Aunt Lisa don¡¯t quite really get along, but no matter what¡ªshe is family.¡± ¡°Oh, she is?¡± Tabitha stared ahead at the door, refusing to face him. ¡®Cooling her head a bit?¡¯ Please. She¡¯s probably out there lounging on the porch swing, smoking a cigarette and feeling QUITE pleased with herself. If she feels anything at all. ¡°She is, sweetie,¡± Mr. Moore said in a firm voice. ¡°She¡¯s your Aunt.¡± ¡°Family¡ªby marriage,¡± Tabitha pointed out. ¡°So, if an awful or really untrustworthy person marries into the family, they¡¯re still family? We just have to, to stiffen our chin and put up with them no matter what? Ignore their mistakes, no matter what? Forgive and forget? Give them money, support and enable them to continue being awful people who don¡¯t ever have to face the consequences of their mistakes? Because they¡¯re family?¡± ¡°Now Sweetie, your Aunt Lisa isn¡¯t awful or untrus¡ª¡± ¡°Dad, she abandoned her children,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°She left them. No notice, no heads-up, no contact information¡ªshe was just gone. Gone. That¡¯s not okay. That¡¯s not okay. That¡¯s not something family would do. She¡¯s not family. I mean, the minute Uncle Danny gets locked up, she just disappears from their life? That¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha, this whole thing has been hard on your Aunt Lisa,¡± Mr. Moore rebutted. ¡°You know she was having trouble finding work where¡ª¡± ¡°She came back for the money,¡± Tabitha gave her father a helpless shrug. ¡°Not for family. She¡¯s not family, Dad, she just isn¡¯t. I don¡¯t care whatever fucking sob story she¡¯s sold you, or what excuses you make for her. If you want to ask me if I¡¯m okay with her borrowing money from the settlements¡ªI¡¯m not. Period. End of story.¡± ¡°If this is about your¡ªyour I don¡¯t know, this phase you¡¯re going through¡ª¡± ¡°Dad.¡± ¡°¡ªthat gives you a problem with the way she talks or her being a more down-to-earth kind of person¡ª¡± ¡°Dad, she struck her child, right in front of us. She¡¯s not down-to-earth. She¡¯s fucking trash. She¡¯s a rat who abandoned ship at the first sign of stormy weather, here. She¡¯s a parasite, a parasite who only slunk back here for the money. She¡¯s a terrible fucking mother, and she¡¯s a drug addict. A junkie. She¡¯s doing drugs.¡± ¡°Honey,¡± Mr. Moore let out another slow sigh as he paused to gather his thoughts. ¡°Your Aunt Lisa... isn¡¯t doing drugs, you can¡¯t say things like that. Just because you think she¡ª¡± ¡°She¡¯s got heroin in her purse,¡± Tabitha shrugged, satisfied at least that he didn¡¯t dare to refute her other points. ¡°She won¡¯t let it out of her sight. There¡¯s drug-use puncture marks at the vein on the inside of her arm. They teach us to watch out for these things in school¡ªthat¡¯s what the whole D.A.R.E. program is all about, Dad.¡± ¡°Your Aunt Lisa wouldn¡¯t do heroin, Tabby,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head in exasperation. ¡°Tabitha¡­ you know she¡¯s smarter than that.¡± ¡°Check her purse,¡± Tabitha insisted, crossing her arms. ¡°Leave some cash laying about, see if it disappears. Again¡ªcheck her purse. Ask her if she¡¯s been in our medicine cabinet¡ªyou know, I had three of those strong codeine tablets left over in that little orange prescription bottle. Where¡¯d that little pill bottle go, Dad? Why did she come to us, instead of here, stopping by to check on the boys first? Her own children? She could have walked over here any time today, it¡¯s just a few blocks away.¡± ¡°Tabitha, stop,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head. ¡°It¡¯s more¡¯n a few blocks, and you know she don¡¯t have a vehicle to get around no more. The¡ª¡± ¡°Sorry, no,¡± Tabitha rejected his excuse. ¡°Grandma Laurie and the boys aren¡¯t that far away from Sunset Estates. If I can walk over here to visit them, so can she.¡± ¡°Your Aunt Lisa isn¡¯t you, Honey,¡± Mr. Moore argued. ¡°She knew we could drive her over there, and, it¡¯s not a problem for us to give her a hand. She¡¯s family, Tabby. You don¡¯t just¡ª¡± ¡°¡®Family¡¯ isn¡¯t some magical free pass, Dad,¡± Tabitha held her ground. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Dad, it¡¯s just not. You¡¯re not going to change my mind on this, and, apparently, I¡¯m not going to get through to you. I¡¯m done talking about it, because I¡¯m done with Aunt Lisa. I¡¯m sorry for all the swearing. I¡ªI want to go home, now.¡±
¡°I¡¯m so sorry about all this,¡± Grandma Laurie fretted, hovering over Tabitha and helping straighten the hoodie Tabitha had donned. ¡°I don¡¯t know what¡¯s gotten into your Aunt Lisa¡¯s head, acting that way. I¡¯ll make sure to keep a close eye on her.¡± ¡°No, she¡¯s not staying here with the boys,¡± Tabitha stated with finality. ¡°She¡¯s coming back to the trailer park with us. You need to tell her there¡¯s not enough room, or, or suggest that she stay with us a few more nights because it¡¯s crowded here with the boys. Tell her as if you¡¯re going to have the boys move around furniture and make space for her here¡ªbut don¡¯t actually do that. You won¡¯t need to. I¡¯m going to take care of everything.¡± ¡°Tabby, honey¡­¡± Grandma Laurie paused. ¡°I just,¡± Tabitha¡¯s expression was one of resignation. ¡°I hope you won¡¯t think less of me for what I have to do.¡± ¡°Well, of course I won¡¯t,¡± Grandma Laurie gave Tabitha¡¯s shoulder a squeeze. ¡°But¡ªwell, what are you going to do?¡± ¡°I love you, Grandma Laurie,¡± Tabitha stepped in to wrap her arms around the old woman. ¡°I love you, and I love the boys¡ªand I¡¯m going to protect my family.¡± ¡°I love you too, sweetheart,¡± Grandma Laurie sighed. ¡°Please don¡¯t make that sound so ominous, though. Promise me you won¡¯t go an¡¯ do anything dramatic, okay? Whatever all how you must think of her now, Lisa is still their mother, and with some time things¡¯ll settle back down with everyone to how they used to be. You¡¯ll see.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°No. No, she isn¡¯t, and no¡ªthey won¡¯t. Sorry.¡±
¡°Matthew baby, could you get the gosh darn phone?¡± Karen Williams hollered. ¡°It¡¯d be so gosh darn nice if you would, please.¡± Her husband¡¯s mother and sister were here in town with them visiting before Thanksgiving¡ªGranny June and Auntie Carol, while here she herself retained the coveted title of Momma Karen¡ªand that meant sipping wine and gossiping late in the warm light of her tastefully-appointed den late into the night. Mostly, discussion kept wandering back towards Matthew and this young girl he thought he could date in secret, with each of the ladies obviously having their own input and advice and anecdotes to share. ¡°I just don¡¯t like that he¡¯d keep it secret,¡± Granny June shook her head in dismay. ¡°Keepin¡¯ it secret certainly means they were up to things they were too ashamed to talk about, and¡ª¡± ¡°Mum, it¡¯s his first relationship¡ªof course he¡¯s not gonna talk to us about it,¡± Auntie Carol argued. ¡°You think I kept you in the loop on all the boys I was seein¡¯? Why, when I was that age¡ª¡± ¡°Well, of course you did,¡± Granny June tittered, knowing full well how untrue it was. ¡°I raised you up good an¡¯ proper, and you weren¡¯t courting any boys until Roger. We¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, please,¡± Auntie Carol rolled her eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t even bring up gosh darn Roger. He had his head stuck so far up his ass that he¡ª¡± ¡°Carol,¡± Granny June chided her with a half-hearted smack on the forearm. ¡°Watch your gosh darn language.¡± ¡°Sorry, he had his head stuck so far up his you know what that he didn¡¯t know which cheeks were which.¡± The constant gosh darns were a joke that never got old¡ªthey were drinking and as the night went on and lips loosened they knew each of the Williams ladies could and would swear like sailors. To poke fun at each other they¡¯d correct one another with gosh darns and giggle at each other like much younger women. Mrs. Williams was only partway into her first glass of wine tonight, and determined to not slip and say her first dirty word in front of her hilarious in-laws. Not after last year, at least¡ªthat had gotten so out of hand it¡¯d even made her husband blush. ¡°Ooh, I never heard about Roger,¡± Mrs. Williams leaned in with delight. ¡°I thought your first guy was... gosh darn, what was his name? Jerry? Went on to manage that¡ª¡± ¡°My first boyfriend was Jerry,¡± Auntie Carol laughed. ¡°I didn¡¯t start seeing Roger until¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, shush,¡± Granny June waved dismissively before taking another sip from her wine glass. ¡°Roger was the first one that counted. Dating before high school isn¡¯t real courting, it¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s children¡¯s games. Like playing at being doctor, it¡¯s not real.¡± ¡°My son is in high school, though¡ªhe¡¯s a sophomore already,¡± Mrs. Williams sighed. ¡°They grow up so gosh darn fast. So, is this with this Casey girl a real thing I should worry about, or is it¡ª¡± ¡°Real doesn¡¯t mean forever,¡± Auntie Carol snorted. ¡°Now, I don¡¯t mean to make light of him an¡¯ his feelings, havin¡¯ his first puppy love, but if you think about¡ª¡± ¡°Real should mean forever,¡± Granny June frowned. ¡°I don¡¯t like all this playing around at it I see on television. Why, it¡¯s just terrible what they teach kids these days, the state they treat relationships these days.¡± ¡°It is the nineties,¡± Mrs. Williams chuckled, taking another sip of her own glass. ¡°The times, they are a¡¯changin¡¯.¡± ¡°For the worse, if you ask me,¡± Granny June huffed. ¡°Why, if this thickheaded dummy here had married that gosh darn Roger, she¡¯d¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, please,¡± Auntie Carol rolled her eyes. ¡°Married Roger?! Even if we had, we¡¯d have never lasted. I know you never believed in divorce, but¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t believe in divorce,¡± Granny June agreed. ¡°It goes against God. Marriage is a sacred institution, and the more people just¡ª¡± ¡°Uh, Mom?¡± Matthew approached to interrupt the older women with reluctance, presenting the cordless phone to his mother. ¡°It¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Who is it, dear?¡± ¡°Tabitha Moore,¡± Matthew replied. ¡°She asked for you, said it was an emergency.¡± ¡°Now I¡¯m not defending divorce, but¡ª¡± Auntie Carol stopped as Mrs. Williams held up a hand. ¡°Hello?¡± Mrs. Williams felt her hackles raise up as she imagined what the emergency might be. ¡°Tabitha honey?¡± ¡°I¡­ I hate to impose, so close to the holidays,¡± A small voice said through the phone. ¡°But, Mrs. Williams¡ªthere¡¯s, um. I really need help.¡± ¡°Honey, what¡¯s wrong?¡± Mrs. Williams demanded, rising up out of her comfy seat in alarm. ¡°Where are you? Are you okay? What¡¯s going on?¡±
¡°Tabby has it in her head to be all dead-set against Lisa,¡± Mr. Moore grumbled. ¡°Can¡¯t seem to even stand the sight of her.¡± He and his wife were settling into bed after that fiasco of a Thanksgiving dinner over his mother¡¯s apartment. Against expectations, Lisa came back with them rather than staying over there with her kids, and that sure didn¡¯t help the tense silence between everyone any. True, Lisa had gone a little overboard disciplining her son there right at the table, but he¡¯d never thought seeing it would affect Tabby quite so much. She had to understand that things were different¡ªshe¡¯d grown up ¡®till now as a only child, and a girl, at that. He certainly wasn¡¯t gonna raise his hand against her, but she¡¯d mostly always been a good kid. Boys were different, rowdy, and there were four of them. Some loss of patience on Lisa¡¯s part and occasional corporal punishment in spanking or smacking them here and there was understandable. ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Moore let out a thoughtful hum and buried her cheek deeper in the pillow. ¡°Well, Lisa did wake us all up at twelve in the morning.¡± ¡°Twelve at night,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°That¡¯s the same thing, and you know all of us are cross at her,¡± Mrs. Moore muttered. ¡°So, what is it? What¡¯s wrong now?¡± ¡°I¡¯m worried about Tabitha,¡± her husband admitted. ¡°¡®Bout her and¡­ y¡¯know, all that money. That¡¯s a whole lotta money to go to a young girl¡¯s head all at once.¡± ¡°You¡¯re worried it¡¯s gonna go to her head?¡± Mrs. Moore blinked one eye open. ¡°Hasn¡¯t it already?¡± Mr. Moore sighed. ¡°She¡¯s got it in her head for a while that anything from¡ªwell, you know, humble origins is all low class, and she gets herself all set against it. Lisa just seems to really rub her the wrong way, and Tabby isn¡¯t even willing to give her a chance.¡± ¡°Alan¡ªyou know I¡¯m not exactly thrilled with Lisa, either. Hitting her son like that¡ªthat was out of line.¡± ¡°I know, I know,¡± Mr. Moore mumbled. ¡°But, she is goin¡¯ through a rough patch right now. With Danny bein¡¯ where he is and all. And, she is family.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Mrs. Moore responded with a noncommittal grunt. ¡°So, what are we gonna do about her?¡± ¡°Lisa asked for help, and she¡¯s family, so... I think we¡¯ve gotta do what we can to help her.¡± ¡°She asked for help¡ªshe asked for help how, exactly?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, her sleepiness subsiding. ¡°We¡¯re just about to come into more money than we¡¯ll know what to do with, and Lisa sure could use some of it to help gettin¡¯ back on her feet. Tabitha¡¯s hospital bills¡¯re already just about all taken care of, and leavin¡¯ all that money for a thirteen-year-old girl to do who knows what with¡ªthat¡¯s irresponsible.¡± Leaving the money to TABITHA is irresponsible? Shannon Moore said nothing to that, but she was now fully awake and alert. Tabitha, who was talking me through home repair and all the specific expenses she had planned here? SHE¡¯S irresponsible? According to who? LISA? Did Lisa just repeat TABITHA¡¯S THIRTEEN AND IRRESPONSIBLE to Alan until he started getting suckered into believing it? TABITHA, IRRESPONSIBLE? Are you fucking kidding me? ¡°I think we should take out some to help out Lisa an¡¯ the boys, maybe a tiny bit of spending money for Tabby to do whatever she wants with. And the rest? Needs to go into a college fund or a trust fund or somethin¡¯ ¡®till she¡¯s older and can right make up her mind on what¡¯s best to do with it. When she¡¯s older and we explain what we did¡ªshe¡¯ll understand. Lisa¡¯s family. She didn¡¯t run off ¡®cause she wanted to, an¡¯ she sure as all heck isn¡¯t a druggie or anything like that.¡± ¡°Alan,¡± Mrs. Moore sat up in bed, shucking off the covers so that she could glare at her husband. ¡°What part of our Tabitha is any less responsible than Lisa? Huh?¡± ¡°Now you know that¡¯s not what I meant,¡± Alan rose up onto one elbow. ¡°Tabitha, she¡¯s¡ªshe¡¯s still a child. She¡¯s thirteen years old, she doesn¡¯t know what from what.¡± ¡°Fourteen in a little over a week, and you know damned well she¡¯s more mature than that,¡± Mrs. Moore growled. ¡°She¡¯ll always be our baby girl, okay¡ªbut, Tabitha is not a child anymore. She¡¯s a young woman, an¡¯ there¡¯s no way you can say otherwise! Listen to yourself, Alan. In what freaking world is Lisa or your lousy brother Danny more mature and responsible than our daughter? Who¡¯s to say Lisa isn¡¯t a druggie? Huh? Who¡¯s to say where she¡¯s been or what she¡¯s been up to these past months?¡± ¡°Now, hold on¡ª¡± Mr. Moore protested. ¡°I¡¯ve sat down an¡¯ talked things through with Lisa. She¡¯s been workin¡¯ where she can, things haven¡¯t been easy on her, alright? No matter what, she¡¯s family and we¡¯ve gotta do what we can to look out for her.¡± ¡°Just a few months ago we gave her all that money for a car that don¡¯t run!¡± Mrs. Moore pointed out, growing angry. ¡°What all happened to that, huh? We¡¯re the ones who look after her boys when your mother doesn¡¯t. Where¡¯s she been all this time? She kept sayin¡¯ she was livin¡¯ with a friend¡ª she never made no mention of a name or that it was a woman. Who¡¯s to say she isn¡¯t living with some other man now that your brother¡¯s locked up? Huh?¡± ¡°Lisa definitely wouldn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Alan, I love you to pieces, but your heart¡¯s so much bigger than your head that it¡¯s not even funny,¡± Mrs. Moore let herself fall back against the pillow and then turned onto her side so that she was facing away from her husband. ¡°If Tabitha doesn¡¯t wanna support Lisa¡¯s mistakes with that settlement money, then that¡¯s that. It¡¯s Tabitha¡¯s money. Not ours. Not Lisa¡¯s. Our Tabby doesn¡¯t owe her one goddamn red cent. Tabby¡¯s got no obligation to throw pearls before swine, and as far as I¡¯m concerned, neither do we.¡± ¡°Mistakes?¡± Mr. Moore frowned. ¡°That¡¯s not what I¡¯d¡ª¡± ¡°Goodnight, Alan,¡± Mrs. Moore called over her shoulder.
Nervous tension had filled Tabitha¡¯s room until it became absolutely suffocating, and it wasn¡¯t until after her parents had gone to bed that the sign she¡¯d been waiting for finally came. Her Aunt Lisa started up the shower after having dickered around in the bathroom doing who-knows-what for almost a half hour. Having been pretending to be asleep already, Tabitha had simply been waiting in the darkness for the sound of the shower. Waiting, with the flathead screwdriver from the kitchen¡¯s junk drawer in hand, waiting for the right moment to strike. With her heart in her throat, she quietly opened her bedroom door and tiptoed out into the hall. The only light here was coming from beneath the locked bathroom door, and it was dark enough that she couldn¡¯t see the little line in the center of the doorknob¡ªshe had to feel it out with the head of the screwdriver. It made a small noise as metal met metal, but Tabitha didn¡¯t freeze. The sound of the shower spray in there would drown that out. She was committed, now. The tab swiveled, the doorknob turned, it was unlocked. The screwdriver was dropped down to the floor where it would be out of the way, because she only had one good hand, and she was going to need it. Tabitha opened the door and burst into the bathroom. ¡°Hey¡ªwhat the hell?!¡± Aunt Lisa crowed from the other side of the shower curtain. There. The woman¡¯s purse was up on the counter, yawing wide open and unattended. Beside it was a worn and faded Batman thermos, of all things, likely borrowed long ago from one of her son¡¯s plastic lunch boxes. On the porcelain lip of the sink lay a disposable lighter, a blackened, filthy spoon, and yes, the real smoking gun itself¡ªa syringe. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Aunt Lisa called. ¡°Hey¡ªJesus, I¡¯m in here a¡¯showerin¡¯, you know?¡± The woman pulled back the edge of the shower curtain, just in time to peek around and discover Tabitha hurrying to pluck the syringe up with careful fingers and toss it into the open purse. ¡°Hey¡ªHEY!¡± Aunt Lisa shrieked. ¡°What the fuck do ya think yer doin?!¡± The spoon and the lighter followed the syringe into the purse with the quickest snatching motions she could manage, and then Tabitha grabbed up the Batman thermos and shoved it inside, as well. The thermos was one of those squat, cylindrical ones with a little plastic handle for the cap so that it could double as a tiny cup, and thankfully it had already been screwed shut. She could feel the contents of the thermos shift in the brief instant it was in her hands, but it didn¡¯t feel like liquid inside¡ªit was as if Aunt Lisa was keeping clumps of dirt in the thing. Heroin, obviously. Hopefully. If this was her Aunt¡¯s stash of instant coffee grounds, then¡ªthen Tabitha didn¡¯t have time to worry about that right now. ¡°HEY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YA THINK YER¡ª¡± Aunt Lisa yanked the vinyl curtain back hard enough that the several curtain rings separated from the rod. Completely naked, with wild, frenzied eyes, Aunt Lisa jumped out of the shower and lunged for her. The plan had been to also gather up Aunt Lisa¡¯s abandoned clothing there so as to forestall the woman¡¯s pursuit, but there just wasn¡¯t enough time. Tabitha bolted out of the small enclosure with the purse pinched closed with her good hand and held against her. She ran down the hallway in what felt like an instant, but she could hear Lisa¡¯s heavy footfalls, chasing her anyways, and then the light coming from the open bathroom door was blocked and she knew the woman was right behind her. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit¡ª Terror and dread were freezing up her movements and locking them up in raw panic, but Tabitha managed to hold the purse against her and wrench open the front door of their trailer. In the periphery of her vision, she saw Aunt Lisa, naked and soaking wet, was just behind her, mere feet from catching up with her at the door. ¡°HEY!¡± Aunt Lisa shrieked. ¡°HEY!¡± To Tabitha¡¯s immense relief, a car waiting outside flicked its high beams on as Tabitha raced outside. From the sound of her Aunt¡¯s continuous hoarse screaming, the trailer trash had paused in the front doorway, unwilling to run out naked into the night air in the midst of November. I-I made it. It worked. It worked. I have the evidence, I think, and¡ª I made it. ¡°Get in, get in!¡± Mrs. Williams looked absolutely furious, and the police officer¡¯s wife started slamming the horn on her Ford Taurus to drown out Aunt Lisa¡¯s screaming and hollering. ¡°Jesus Christ, we¡¯re gonna¡ªare you okay? Are you okay?¡± ¡°I have it,¡± Tabitha confirmed as she hurried into the vehicle. ¡°I¡¯m okay, just¡ªlet¡¯s get out of here.¡± ¡°Close your door, let¡¯s go,¡± Mrs. Williams slammed her foot on the gas pedal and they plunged forward and past the trailer down the street, putting Lisa out of sight. ¡°Get your seatbelt, honey.¡± ¡°I, I¡ªthank you,¡± Tabitha choked up. ¡°I didn¡¯t know what to do. I didn¡¯t, I didn¡¯t know anyone to, to go to about this. All of this. I didn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Sh-sh-sh-sh, you¡¯re fine, you¡¯re fine, honey, let¡¯s just get you out of here, okay? Are you okay?¡± 38: Absconding with the evidence. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Mrs. Williams asked for what felt like the umpteenth time. ¡°Talk to me, dearie. Was that¡ªwas that¡ª¡± Lisa? Linda? Whatever deadbeat aunt of yours that you brought up back before? Mrs. Williams felt furious with herself for not nagging her husband to investigate back then. It¡¯s one thing for the woman to be belligerent and screaming¡ªbut, she was also completely naked there in the doorway, like some kind of stark raving lunatic! ¡°It was my Aunt,¡± Tabitha confirmed in a small voice. ¡°My Aunt Lisa.¡± The poor thing still looked shell-shocked. Tiny and vulnerable, clutching a natty old purse against herself in the passenger¡¯s seat. The situation was grave, serious enough that Mrs. Williams didn¡¯t even have her Beatles hits playing. Her Ford Taurus was only ever this quiet when she was about to give her son a stern talking to, or when she needed to illustrate to her husband how furious she was over something without having to actually spell it out. ¡°Well, you¡¯re safe now, no matter what,¡± Mrs. Williams assured the girl. ¡°Do you need anything? Do you have enough clothes and toiletries in your bag there for an overnight stay, while we figure everything out?¡± The streets of Springton were silent and still this far past midnight as the car rolled on down the street. As a small Kentucky town, there was no nightlife to speak of¡ªall of the shops, businesses, and restaurants shut down before ten o¡¯clock, save for a gas station or two. As a self-professed people person, Karen Williams always found the late night empty shopping centers and dark storefronts disquieting and eerie. ¡°Oh, um,¡± Tabitha seemed to snap out of her daze. ¡°No, I don¡¯t. I don¡¯t have anything at all. This isn¡¯t my bag¡ªthis is my Aunt¡¯s purse. That woman that was screaming at us.¡± ¡°Your Aunt¡¯s purse?¡± Mrs. Williams did a double take. ¡°...Why do you have your Aunt¡¯s purse?¡± ¡°I¡­ I was afraid to tell you specifics over the phone, because I wasn¡¯t completely sure yet,¡± Tabitha admitted in her quiet voice. ¡°My Dad wouldn¡¯t believe me, and my mother, she¡­ she can¡¯t do anything about it. I think even if my Dad did believe me, he would cover for her, or try to help her, and just try to take everything on because¡­ she¡¯s family.¡± That last word spoke entire volumes, because there it had become a swear word, there Tabitha¡¯s normally soft tone was laced with pain and anger, so suffused with frustration and helplessness that Karen took her eyes off the road for a moment to give the girl a glance. The teen¡¯s eyes were wet, but she wasn¡¯t crying. Instead, her jaw was set like she was gritting her teeth, and her face was hard, a mask of bitterness that in her opinion had no rightful place being on a dainty young woman. ¡°What specifics?¡± Mrs. Williams gently prompted, eyeing the purse Tabitha held with trepidation now. ¡°Honey¡­ what did you not tell me, when we were on the phone?¡± ¡°Heroin,¡± Tabitha said, visibly uncomfortable at the admission. ¡°She was shooting up heroin in our bathroom¡ªI broke in once I could hear she¡¯d moved into the shower and had the water running. I have all the¡­ well, the evidence, here.¡± ¡°Heroin?!¡± Mrs. Williams was so stunned she subconsciously hit the brakes. She was already distracted, so she hadn¡¯t been driving particularly fast. But still, the sudden lurch to a stop felt like it took the breath out of her as the seatbelt tightened across her chest. It was past midnight, and Springton¡¯s streets were deserted, allowing her to let the car sit there in the middle of the road for a moment while she processed the dreadful thing she¡¯d just heard. HEROIN. Good Lord almighty, I don¡¯t think she¡¯s joking with me. Heroin use had no place in a nice little town like her Springton¡ªheroin was the domain of awful, wretched big city places like Lexington. This wasn¡¯t pot or shrooms, this was heroin! The fact that substance abuse of this severity had crept into their one little low-income neighborhood was another alarming wake-up call, just like the shooting had been. It was so easy to blind herself with Springton¡¯s charming small town daytime veneer and just never look too closely at the little darker corners. She was a valued member of just about every community organization of importance, well-connected to all kinds of gossip, and had always felt like she knew Springton better than anyone else. If someone from her usual circles had mentioned people doing heroin in Springton, she wasn¡¯t sure she¡¯d have believed it. ¡°Heroin,¡± Mrs. Williams repeated in a daze. ¡°You¡¯re sure?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha was candid with her. ¡°I¡¯m not sure. If I had more confidence, I¡¯d have called the police directly. I, um, I don¡¯t have any way of verifying that it¡¯s heroin myself. Just, there¡¯s a mark at the vein in her arm. Puncture mark. There was a thermos full of¡­ well, something. A syringe, a lighter, and a blackened spoon, like she was heating up something in it with the lighter.¡± ¡°Well, it certainly does sound like drugs of some sort,¡± Mrs. Williams still felt floored. ¡°And, you have it right in there? In that purse?¡± There¡¯s HEROIN in my car?! In the hands of this teenage girl?! What kind of FUCKED UP family has it so that hard drugs are within arms reach of a thirteen-year-old girl?! I hate to even admit that it¡¯s possible somewhere, let alone in MY town, to a girl like Miss Tabby here who¡¯s a friend of the family! ¡°Yes. I-it wasn¡¯t easy to get,¡± Tabitha blurted out. ¡°She wouldn¡¯t let it out of her sight. She even slept on it, with it tucked under her. To me, it¡¯s definitely heroin, but I, I need that confirmed. Confirmed by people who can do something about it. I need her away from my family. Away from her children. She¡¯s¡ªshe struck her eight-year-old son across the face, in the middle of our¡­ our early Thanksgiving dinner, we had our family Thanksgiving today. That made up my mind. I-I had to do something. I had to.¡± ¡°She struck her own son?¡± Mrs. Williams repeated in disbelief. ¡°Pretty hard,¡± Tabitha gave her a weary nod. ¡°Across the face¡ªit was, it was just because he was annoying her, um, trying to get her attention when she was in the middle of this, this rant. This rant to the rest of us about how she was in charge, or, or how we were too soft on her sons while she was away, something like that.¡± ¡°Your parents didn¡¯t¡­?¡± Mrs. Williams was aghast. ¡°Do something? Say something, about any of all this?!¡± ¡°My parents¡­¡± Tabitha trailed off, her expression full of grievance. ¡°My mother isn¡¯t good with people or people problems. She¡¯s getting better, but she¡¯s¡­ um, she¡¯s still a long way from who she once was. I think she gets severe anxiety around, um. The kind of confrontation that would be needed to¡­ resolve things here. My father has a big heart, but he¡¯s just. He¡¯s blind to things. Blind to this. He¡¯s¡­ more than willing to assume the best in people, let people around him take advantage of him. Especially if they¡¯re family.¡± Again, Mrs. Williams noticed that the word family was issued out of the girl¡¯s mouth like a dirty word. It put her on edge, and certainly soured what little impression she had of the times she¡¯d met Tabitha¡¯s parents. She was getting angry just seeing Tabitha in a fluster here, though, and she wasn¡¯t sure now was the time to speak her mind on the matter. ¡°He didn¡¯t believe me when I warned him that Aunt Lisa might be on drugs,¡± Tabitha continued in a weary voice. ¡°I-I was also upset though, so. I don¡¯t know? Maybe he didn¡¯t take me seriously. Maybe it¡¯s better that he didn¡¯t believe me. I think, I think more and more that if he did think she was getting into drugs, he¡¯d take it upon himself, take it upon us to shoulder the burden and make sure she got all the support she needed, got into rehab. Since she¡¯s family. Maybe that¡¯s the right choice, even. I, I just, I just¡ªI don¡¯t trust her. I can¡¯t trust her! In my mind, she didn¡¯t come back for her children, didn¡¯t come to us as family. She only came back to us because she heard about settlement money, came because she¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s an addict. I don¡¯t trust her. I can¡¯t trust her. Maybe they knew her back before, knew her differently, or remember her some other way, but to me¡ªshe¡¯s just this drug addict, and, and I, I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Okay, okay,¡± Mrs. Williams patted Tabitha¡¯s shoulder. ¡°We¡¯re gonna be okay, and everything¡¯s going to be sorted out. Everything¡¯s going to be okay. You did the right thing calling me, I¡¯m proud of you.¡± ¡°Th-thank you,¡± Tabitha looked emotional. ¡°And¡ªI¡¯m so sorry again.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you dare be sorry,¡± Mrs. Williams insisted, starting the car forward again to resume her trip home. ¡°You did the right thing. Let¡¯s get you safe, and I¡¯ll call my husband right away.¡± ¡°Is he on duty this late?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Putting in extra time now, so he can be off a bit longer throughout the holidays,¡± Mrs. Williams explained in an exasperated tone. ¡°He¡¯ll sleep in tomorrow ¡®till just before football starts, while all the rest of us¡¯ll have been slaving away getting Thanksgiving dinner ready for everyone. And, I say putting in extra time now, but all that really means is he¡¯s goofing off with his dumb cop friends at the station. Darren Macintire got released, and the boys¡¯ve all been getting together there to see him.¡± ¡°That¡¯s good,¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°I was worried he wouldn¡¯t be out of the hospital for Thanksgiving. That¡¯s actually why we had our Thanksgiving a day early¡ªMrs. Macintire wanted us to get together with them, with their family, for their Thanksgiving.¡± ¡°They¡¯ll be thrilled to have you,¡± Mrs. Williams put on a strained smile, somewhat at a loss as to how she could even shift the topic away from the subject of family. ¡°Hannah talks about you all the time, wants to know when she can come over and ¡®babysit¡¯ with you.¡± ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t know what to do about tomorrow,¡± Tabitha admitted in embarrassment, letting her face drop down into her hand. ¡°What to do about my parents. Having to turn to you about all of this, because they¡¯re¡­ well. Incapable. Of acting against my Aunt. We, um, we just¡­ drove off.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll call them and explain,¡± Mrs. Williams harrumphed. ¡°Or, maybe they¡¯ll have explaining to do to me! If they¡¯re any kind of parents at all, that big ruckus your Aunt was throwing was commotion enough for them to realize something was obviously terribly wrong! You¡¯re just going to be spending the night at a friend¡¯s house, because of that. I¡¯m a friend. A concerned friend, and I¡¯d certainly like to hear their thoughts on all of this! Seems to me like they¡¯re due for a nice long chat while we get my husband to look through that purse.¡± ¡°I just¡­ I shouldn¡¯t have had to do this,¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice was small and sad enough that Mrs. Williams felt her own throat hitching up. ¡°I just¡­ I really can¡¯t thank you enough for coming to pick me up. For trusting me, without me even telling you what was going on. It¡¯s even so late at night, and¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, hush,¡± Mrs. Williams waved away her concerns. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t have called and asked for help if it wasn¡¯t serious, and this sounds terribly serious. Good Lord! It¡¯s the same thing I¡¯ve told my son¡ªif something¡¯s happened, and he doesn¡¯t feel safe and needs me to pick him up, it doesn¡¯t matter what it is or where or what time of night. I¡¯m a mother! He just has to get a hold of me, and I¡¯ll be there, no questions, or dilly-dallying, or any of that machismo you¡¯re on your own bullshit my husband tried pulling with him. If you¡¯ll excuse my language. ¡°Any of that nonsense, any figuring out what¡¯s wrong, or who¡¯s to blame, or whatever issues it was, that all can be figured out after the fact, once everyone¡¯s safe and away from whatever¡¯s gone on,¡± Mrs. Williams clarified her position on the matter with a helpless shrug and shake of her head. ¡°I know it¡¯s not really my place to say, Tabitha Honey, but you living in that trailer park¡ªI don¡¯t like it. You being in these situations. It just breaks my heart! Please believe me when I say that heroin has no place around children, and nor do people who use heroin. End of story! There¡¯s just nothing else to it.¡± ¡°I agree,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°It¡¯s why I called. I can¡¯t let her remain around my family, my four little cousins. They need away from her. For good, forever. I can¡¯t stand the thought of h-her, of her worming her way back into our family because of the settlement money¡ª and the way she treats them, the way she doesn¡¯t even care, it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s¡­ I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t let anything happen to them.¡± ¡°You did the right thing calling me!¡± Mrs. Williams said again, feeling her fury build up all over again until she was almost strangling the steering wheel. ¡°How to actually make this work, when I¡¯m just the angsty teenage daughter, I-I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°But, I thought, if you could help¡ªMrs. Williams, you¡¯re a somebody. People will listen to you, you¡¯ll make them listen to you.¡± ¡°You¡¯re damn right I will,¡± Karen Williams swore, grinding her teeth. ¡°Don¡¯t go and call me Mrs. Williams, though¡ªif you trust me enough to call me when you need help, I¡¯m Momma Williams to you, alright?¡±
Against all of Tabitha¡¯s expectations, the drive was short and ended in a quiet suburban neighborhood just ten minutes across town. Although the street was too dark for her to glean many details, the driveway they pulled into seemed normal and the house was upper-middle class at best. It sported a two-car garage that Mrs. Williams made no motion to open via the remote Tabitha noticed was clipped to the driver¡¯s side sun visor, instead simply opting to park in front of the house. ¡°Here we are!¡± Mrs. Williams announced, actually reaching over to unbuckle Tabitha¡¯s seatbelt for her. ¡°Oh¡ªshoot, sorry. I¡¯m so used to taxiing around little Hannah! You¡¯re a grown teenage girl, I¡¯ll let you get the door yourself, hah.¡± ¡°Th-thank you,¡± Tabitha murmured, unsure as to whether she was thanking the woman for getting the seatbelt for her, or thanking her for allowing her autonomy to open her own door. I guess the house on the lake is a second property? Or, maybe their parent¡¯s home? Something like that? Juxtaposing this sudden and dramatic shift in social roles had Tabitha feeling like she had to go rigid with respect and politefulness. It wasn¡¯t even just the jarring disparity in income class between their two families¡ªit was that while her own mom Shannon Moore was a traumatized woman who just incidentally happened to be a mother, Karen Williams was one hundred and ten percent bonafide aggressive suburban Mom, with a capital ¡®M¡¯. Moreover, Mrs. Williams took this identity and then applied it in the community of the entire town, forming all sorts of connections throughout the strata of Springton. Definitely brings to mind all those observations I made back when I was attending high school all over again, Tabitha reflected. With those strange hierarchies that form within their little closed systems. Everyone fighting to be the biggest fish in their pool¡ª is this where that all ends up? At Karen Williams? It was something to think about as Tabitha opened her door and slipped outside, awkwardly managing to hold the stolen purse against herself with her cast. The neat orderliness of the block of homes visible in the streetlight was picturesque, like something out of a sitcom. Textbook tidy little lawns, mailboxes, decorative shrubs. She was almost surprised there wasn¡¯t a¡ªnope, there was actually was one, an actual white picket fence a few doors down. The pervading silence at this midnight hour made the place seem oppressive; like she had to restrain her voice to a whisper, to mind her manners and make sure she never speaks out of turn. An inexplicable wave of panic rose up within her again, but Tabitha attributed it to her nerves as she carefully¡ªslowly¡ªeased the passenger door closed behind her so that it wouldn¡¯t make a noise. Is this¡­ is this where I want to be? Tabitha wondered, too frazzled to ruminate on the double-meanings tumbling around inside her head. Calling Mrs. Williams for help seemed like the only thing I could do, but at the same time¡­ WAS it the right thing to do? I just feel¡­ I don¡¯t know. So lost, so in over my head. This entire¡­ EVERYTHING feels so far out of my element. Having lived a life before seemed to mean absolutely nothing when that prior life was a passive, sedentary experience that eschewed dealing with conflict whenever possible. ¡°Tabitha? Oh, honey, here,¡± Mrs. Williams rushed over to grab her up in a motherly embrace. ¡°You¡¯re fine, now. You¡¯re safe! Everything¡¯s going to be alright!¡± Mrs. Williams is¡ªshe¡¯s not just a Mom. She¡¯s THE Mom, Tabitha was embarrassed at realizing how much she needed a hug, and flabbergasted at the woman¡¯s ability to sense it. Like Mrs. Seelbaugh, she¡¯s just this weird SUPERMOM figure that I guess I never really believed in, because I just didn¡¯t have someone like that, for me. Mrs. Williams is, she¡¯s, I don¡¯t know. Late thirties? Maybe? Younger than I was. Except, she¡¯s certainly not younger than me, really, in ANY sense. Or¡ªor, I was never OLDER, really, except just in age. And that was just me, I don¡¯t know. Waiting out the clock, watching time elapse and waiting for¡ªI don¡¯t know what I was waiting for, but I know now in my bones that whatever it was, it was never coming. Life isn¡¯t¡ªit¡¯s not just going to come to you, you have to reach out and grab it. I guess? Mrs. Williams can do that, HAS done that, so her soul is, it¡¯s older than mine. It¡¯s like the saying¡ª¡®it¡¯s not the years, it¡¯s the mileage.¡¯ Mrs. Williams has miles and miles that I just never did. Her soul is well-traveled and just has this wealth of, well, WISDOM. Most of my last life was honestly wasted, because I avoided experiencing anything. I didn¡¯t GROW. ¡°You¡¯re going to be alright, okay?¡± Mrs. Williams gave her shoulders a squeeze. ¡°Look at me. Everything¡¯s going to be alright.¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m just feeling a little overwhelmed,¡± Tabitha admitted, smiling through her tears. ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± ¡°C¡¯mon, it¡¯s cold,¡± Mrs. Williams looked like she was getting worked up all over again. ¡°Let¡¯s get you inside!¡± Do I WANT the kind of life Mrs. Williams has? Tabitha wondered in a daze. Is this it? American dream, a life in the suburbs? What DO I want, really? Did I ever know? Did growing up the way I did before, without stumbling across real-life actual VALID role models¡­ STUNT me, somehow? Can I be fixed? SHOULD I be fixed, am I broken? Like my mother? Like AUNT LISA? Tabitha let Mrs. Williams usher her forward towards the front door of the residence in a daze, spinning between what felt like six completely different epiphanies and too tired to firmly grasp and realize any of them. Her life was changing right at this moment, it seemed like some indelible barrier had been crossed and she¡¯d stepped off a path that was going nowhere in particular and onto a new one. Invoking family in Momma Williams wasn¡¯t something she was going to be able to go back on¡ªbecause every aspect of this interaction continuously laid bare the inadequacy of her actual parents. There¡­ may really be no going back, after this. ¡°Alright, we¡¯ll try to keep our voices down,¡± Mrs. Williams said as she led Tabitha up the front step and opened the door. ¡°Forgot we have company, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law¡¯re staying with us for Thanksgiving.¡± It was hard for Tabitha to register what was being said, as she was still blinking in confusion at the open door. Wasn¡¯t even locked, Tabitha realized as she was guided inside. She¡¯s¡ªthey¡ªI thought that kind of thing was just naivete, or urban legend or something. Such a nice neighborhood that they really don¡¯t lock their doors? I mean, a POLICE OFFICER lives here, so¡ªso, I guess it makes sense. Who would try to break in here, of all places? Just¡­ wow. More culture shock for trailer trash me. ¡°Here Honey, kick off your shoes before we go in on the carpet.¡± Mrs. Williams then bustled a sock-clad Tabitha, who was still reeling from the various circumstances and trying to take in the sudden decor of antiques and vintage furniture all at once, along into an equally well-appointed dining room. Each room seemed to be furnished as if Martha Stewart catalog photographers might arrive any minute, with earth tone colors garnished by splashes of orange and red to represent the fall season. Looking around, it was a lot to take in, and Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but think back to Sharon, the Springton Town Hall administrator who had seemed to pour all of her passion into the seasonal displays. Here in the Williams home, woven wicker baskets were filled with artificial pumpkins and gourds, dry garland wreaths were draped in fabric autumn leaves, and rustic candle pieces filled the shelves and curios. Amish-made cloth dolls of man and wife Plymouth settlers and a large collection of painted porcelain Thanksgiving turkeys were nestled together in an intimidating row upon the fireplace mantle. ¡°It¡¯s late, I think everyone was just shuffling off to bed around the time I left the house,¡± Mrs. Williams seemed to say to herself. ¡°We¡¯ll try not to wake anyone up!¡± Two minutes after getting Tabitha settled at the table, Mrs. Williams then went around the house and to wake everyone up anyways. First out was another adult woman, still dressed, who seemed to be about Mrs. William¡¯s age who was then followed by a much older woman in a nightgown, with a face bedecked in wrinkles and folds and sporting a short crop of stiff gray hair. Finally a door down the hall opened and Matthew joined them as well, the chiptune music from a video game still faintly audible from his room. ¡°Alright, everyone¡ªthis is Tabitha, she asked me to pick her up because of some situations going on at home,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°Tabitha, this is my mother-in-law and then my sister Carol. You already know Matthew.¡± ¡°Hi,¡± Tabitha gave them all a weak little wave. ¡°Uh, hey,¡± Matthew said, looking confused. ¡°Long time no see.¡± It was hard not to feel mortified at being in this position, she had no idea what to say or how to act when put on the spot like this, and the sudden alarming appearance of a boy her age made her incredibly self-conscious in ways she didn¡¯t even want to delve into right now. She met each of their curious gazes for a brief moment before feeling defeated and retreating back into herself so that she could stare down at the tabletop. ¡°So¡ªwhat all¡¯s goin¡¯ on?¡± Matthew asked. ¡°Am I allowed to ask?¡± ¡°Well¡­ why don¡¯t we see?¡± Mrs. Williams gestured towards the purse. ¡°Hun, do you want me to¡­?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°I¡¯ll do it.¡± ¡°Alright, then,¡± Mrs. Williams gave her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. ¡°Either way¡ªI mean, no matter what¡¯s in there, I¡¯m calling my husband right now and we¡¯re gonna do something about all this, alright?¡± ¡°Alright,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Thank you.¡± With that Mrs. William¡¯s face darkened and she stormed off around the corner into what looked to be the kitchen. They heard her snatch a phone from it¡¯s dock, heard a single touch-tone as a number was presumably speed-dialed, and then an angry huff as the woman was forced to wait for several seconds for an answer. ¡°Hi¡ªyeah. It¡¯s Karen. Put my husband on, please, there¡¯s a situation and, well¡ª¡± Seemingly mindful of her guests and how stark the words were in the tense silence throughout the rest of the house, Mrs. Williams lowered her voice to continue the rest. Matthew pulled out one of the chairs opposite Tabitha and took a seat, while both of the other women present exchanged glances with each other and then looked towards Tabitha. Mindful of her audience, Tabitha hefted the bag, arranging it on the table in front of her, and then unsnapped the opening. With trembling fingers, Tabitha took a faded Batman children¡¯s thermos from the stolen purse and placed it on the Williams family¡¯s dinner table. After a moment of nervous hesitation, Tabitha borrowed several napkins from a ceramic holder at the center of the table¡ªthe sculpted piece was shaped like a Turkey¡ªand spread the napkins across the tabletop. Then, she extracted the rest, lifting the implements out one by one; a disposable lighter, a blackened spoon, and a used medical syringe. ¡°Honey¡ªis that what I think it is?¡± Aunt Carol shrunk back from the table and put a hand over her mouth. ¡°What is it?¡± The elderly woman in the nightgown asked. ¡°I¡­ believe it¡¯s heroin,¡± Tabitha explained with a wince. ¡°I, I think my Aunt, my Aunt Lisa was doing heroin in our bathroom, after my parents went to bed. I¡­ grabbed it, and I ran. Mrs. Williams was kind enough to, to be there to pick me up.¡± ¡°Heroin?¡± The old woman looked aghast. ¡°Yes, I want you to shoot her on sight!¡± They all heard Mrs. Williams raise her voice into the phone. ¡°She was screaming at us, buck naked! She¡¯s some kind of dangerous God damn drug addict, and I was terrified for my life! Shoot her on sight!¡± ¡°...Good Lord!¡± Aunt Carol shook her head. ¡°Well, I know you can¡¯t actually shoot her, God damnit!¡± Mrs. Williams bristled, rounding the corner with the handset phone and then glaring furiously at what she saw laid out on the table. ¡°You get out there, and you get her in handcuffs and you lock her away! There¡¯s¡ªlook, now we have evidence¡ªthere¡¯s her illegal drug paraphernalia on my Goddamn dining room table, for Christ¡¯s sake!¡± ¡°How do you know this is heroin?¡± The frail old woman in the nightgown asked, unable to tear her eyes away from the incriminating items arrayed on the napkins. ¡°I, um. I don¡¯t know for sure, I guess,¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°I don¡¯t want to open the thermos.¡± ¡°Well, no¡ªdon¡¯t open it,¡± Aunt Carol hurried to assure her with a knock of her knuckle against the mahogany tabletop. ¡°You just leave that for the police, Hun. You did right not to open it, you leave it well alone.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just saying¡ªshe¡¯s dangerous!¡± Mrs. Williams yelled into the phone. ¡°I don¡¯t feel safe with her running around my town hopped up on who knows what! You¡¯re going to get everyone out to that park and arrest her right this goddamn instant or I¡¯m going to start making phone calls and then you¡¯re going to start getting phone calls!¡± ¡°It looks like heroin to me,¡± Matthew spoke up, immediately holding up his hands as his aunt and grandmother both snapped their heads around to give him stink-eyes of scrutiny. Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. ¡°I mean¡ªc¡¯mon, I¡¯m not saying I¡¯ve ever seen it for real before, but they go on and on about it in all those D.A.R.E. videos at school. Heroin¡ªbut they call it dope or smack, uhh, ¡®out on the streets.¡¯ Whatever stuff from in the thermos, it goes onto the spoon, you heat the spoon with a lighter to get it so you can draw it up with the syringe, then it goes right into your arm or wherever, and gets you high.¡± ¡°Matthew¡ªI don¡¯t think I even like you knowing all that,¡± his grandmother huffed, looking angry and uncomfortable. ¡°Good Lord.¡± ¡°Better to be aware of it, at least,¡± Matthew gave her a helpless shrug. ¡°Dad¡¯ll know a lot more about it. No one I know at school does anything like this¡ªat high school it¡¯s just harmless little stuff. Pot and beer, stuff you hear about. This is, uh, this is like the heavy stuff, bad dangerous stuff. Like, real drugs.¡± ¡°Yes. Yes, I know. I will. Hurry on home, there¡¯s drug paraphernalia on our dinner table, and you need to DO something about it! Yes, I love you. Muah. Bye.¡± Mrs. Williams slammed the receiver down, ending the call. ¡°Jesus. Okay, first of all¡ªTabitha, are you alright?¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Tabitha croaked. ¡°I mean¡ªI will be. It¡¯s better, thinking that this is. Getting resolved. I was going out of my mind or uh, going in circles trying to, um, panicking, trying not to panic, panicking anyways, going around in my head just¡­ tearing myself up. It¡¯s going to¡ªthings are going to get better now. Right?¡± ¡°Of course they are, you don¡¯t have to worry about anything,¡± Mrs. Williams promised. ¡° We¡¯re going to get all of this mess straightened out. Do you need to use the powder room and freshen up or anything? You¡¯ve eaten? Do you need a glass of water? Matthew, go get her a¡ª¡± ¡°Oh no, no, I¡¯m fine,¡± Tabitha assured them, stopping Matthew with a raised hand. ¡°I¡¯m fine. Please.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Williams fanned her face dramatically for a moment and then put both hands to her temples. ¡°I¡¯m going to make a few more calls. We have both Carol and June in our guest room right now, because they¡¯re visiting from Indiana, but I¡¯m sure I can make you comfortable somewhere. Tomorrow we¡¯ll get a hold of Sandra, and I know she¡¯ll be happy to have you for however long you need to stay. Hannah would be just tickled pink to have you around. Oh! I introduced you to Carol already, I think. This is Granny June, she¡¯s sweet as can be.¡± ¡°Ah, hello,¡± Tabitha gave a small, awkward wave. ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you. Sorry again for the, uh, circumstances.¡± ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you, dearie,¡± Granny June sighed. ¡°Don¡¯t you worry about anything. You did the right thing calling Karen about all this.¡± ¡°Yeah, I just,¡± Tabitha still felt shell-shocked. ¡°I hate having to impose.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not imposing at all!¡± Mrs. Williams hollered, rounding the corner of the table to hug Tabitha again. ¡°That woman was stark raving mad and dangerous! Good Lord!¡± ¡°I, I know,¡± Tabitha choked up a little. ¡°I just, I hate it. Always just having problems for you. I don¡¯t want to¡ª¡± ¡°Ssh-ssh-ssh, none of this is your fault,¡± Mrs. Williams rubbed her back. ¡°You did the right thing.¡± ¡°They¡¯re gonna just arrest her, right?¡± Matthew gestured at the heroin on the table. ¡°I mean, they can just test that it¡¯s in her system, and that¡¯s enough to put some kind of charges on her. Get her away from Tabitha¡¯s family and out of their hair, and all that. Right?¡± ¡°Well, they¡¯re certainly dragging their feet on everything!¡± Mrs. Williams scoffed, smacking the edge of the table. ¡°Your father wasn¡¯t out and about on patrol tonight, he¡¯s just goofing off around the office doing who-knows-what with the rest of those lousy good-for-nothing cops. He said they¡¯re sending someone to Sunset Estates to evaluate the situation, and then he¡¯s on his way home now to take a look at this drug stuff from that woman¡¯s purse. This is that same relative you were telling me about, that walked out on her children and disappeared?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha admitted, struggling to remember what she¡¯d told Mrs. Williams before between the random talks they¡¯d had in the past month, the frantic phone call, and then the nearly incoherent babble of details she¡¯d spouted out on the ride here as she attempted to calm down. ¡°It¡¯s my fault she was naked. She wouldn¡¯t let her bag out of arm¡¯s reach and was very, um, protective of it. I, I thought she was shooting up in our bathroom, so¡ªas soon as I heard her get into the shower, I broke in and I took it and I ran. It¡¯s, it¡¯s honestly my fault she came back at all.¡± ¡°Oh, nonsense, none of this was your fault,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°You just wait¡¯ll my husband gets home, he¡¯ll fix all of this.¡±
In the excruciating half-hour wait, both Aunt Carol and June retired back to bed, leaving Matthew to make awkward small talk with Tabitha while Mrs. Williams paced back and forth and swore under her breath. For all their apparent similarity in age, the two teens were barely acquainted at all, and trying to carry a conversation composed of questions without substance and nervous laughter left both of them fumbling to fill the silence. Anything to stave off what felt like growing tension. When Officer Williams did finally arrive, he was bodily hustled in from the front door by his wife before he could even take off his boots. ¡°Well?!¡± Mrs. Williams demanded. He frowned at the spread across the dining room table¡ªthe presumed drug stuff front and center on napkins and everything else from makeup and cigarettes to a brush missing a quarter of it¡¯s teeth and even the woman¡¯s wallet. After surveying it all, the cop let out a slow sigh and picked up the worn Batman thermos, unscrewing the lid and taking the first look inside. Tabitha stared, shoulders tense and raised, unable to even breath for a moment as she waited for him to draw his conclusion one way or the other. ¡°Alright, so we¡¯ve got some good news and there¡¯s some bad news, here,¡± Officer Williams tilted the open container and then shifted the contents slightly with a shake of his wrist. ¡°The good news is¡ªyou were right on the money, Tabitha. This is heroin.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha let out the breath she¡¯d been holding but didn¡¯t let herself sag back in the seat just yet. ¡°And¡­ the bad news?¡± ¡°The bad news is, that takin¡¯ the evidence away from the woman like you did puts us in a bit of a pickle,¡± the police officer said, twisting the lid back on and then carefully setting the Batman thermos back down on the table. ¡°It¡¯d have been one thing if I¡¯d been the one that caught her with it, but as it is¡­ we might have to do some finagling to get anything like possession charges to stick, now.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a bunch of horse shit!¡± Mrs. Williams bellowed. ¡°Look! Look at this, right here. Her identification was right there in the purse with it! Says on her license right there, LISA. MOORE. If that¡¯s not incriminating enough for you boys at the station, then¡ª¡± ¡°Listen, I know, I know,¡± Officer Williams held his hands up. ¡°But there¡¯s common sense like this and there¡¯s the letter of the law, and miles and miles o¡¯ wiggle room between the two that¡¯s just packed full of lawyers who¡¯ll sell you a bridge ¡®cross it if they can.¡± ¡°Oh, baloney!¡± Mrs. Williams fumed. ¡°That¡¯s just¡­ ridiculous!¡± ¡°She wasn¡¯t caught with it, so what it might come down to is her word against Tabitha¡¯s,¡± Officer Williams sighed. ¡°Now, you do seem to have lawyer friends of your own with Seelbaugh and Straub, so that isn¡¯t a total hopeless case. Our best bet right now, however, is to get ahold of this Lisa woman in the next few hours, here. We have cause to bring her in for questioning, and we can certainly get her tested for whatever all¡¯s in her system. ¡°But, it¡¯d need to be sooner rather than later. Opiates have a real quick half-life, and even if she just shot up, it¡¯ll be hard to prove it after the first¡­ I dunno, three hours, or so? After that, trace amounts¡¯d still show up in a drug screening for employment or what have you for a couple days, but she could easily pass it off as bein¡¯ from just about any prescription painkiller by that point.¡± ¡°I was¡­ afraid of that,¡± Tabitha¡¯s expression fell. ¡°The last of my codeine from breaking my wrist disappeared. I think there were two tablets left over, in a little orange pill container we kept in the medicine cabinet. The container was gone from the cabinet, and it wasn¡¯t here in her purse, either, so it¡¯s just¡­ missing. Would a lab be able to differentiate them, if they were both in her system? Heroin and codeine?¡± ¡°Hmm, I honestly couldn¡¯t tell you,¡± Officer Williams shook his head. ¡°In any case, all this evidence here¡¯ll get us started, so I¡¯m gonna get it down to the station. We¡¯ll send someone over to pick up this Lisa character for questioning, and we might havta have you piddle in a cup too, just so we can have it clear and down on paper for later that you didn¡¯t have anything to do with this nasty stuff.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°You¡¯re right. That¡¯s smart.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t still have any codeine or nothin¡¯ still in your system, right?¡± Officer Williams asked. ¡°I know you were just out of the hospital all over again, yourself.¡± ¡°I do not, no,¡± Tabitha firmly denied. ¡°Not for days and days, not since right after the operation. Was always terrified of forming any kind of dependence on it, so just like with when I hurt my wrist¡ªI¡¯d rather tough it out for a few nights than ever get hooked on painkillers.¡± ¡°Well, nothin¡¯ to worry about, then. I¡¯ll get you a little cup before I head out,¡± Officer Williams nodded, turning then to the rest of his family. ¡°Matthew¡ªI know it¡¯s not fair kickin¡¯ you out outta the blue at this hour, but why don¡¯t you change your bedcovers so we can put Tabitha here up in your room for night and have you out on the sofa.¡± ¡°Oh, you don¡¯t have to do that,¡± Tabitha protested. ¡°I can sleep on the sofa, or the floor or¡ª¡± ¡°Nah, it¡¯s fine,¡± Matthew waved her off, already heading down the back hall to his room. ¡°Big TV¡¯s out here, anyways!¡± ¡°Har har, very funny,¡± Mrs. Williams huffed, shooting Tabitha an apologetic look. ¡°He¡¯ll be fine out here¡ªlet¡¯s get you settled in for the night, Dearie.¡± ¡°Th-thank you all so much,¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice hitched. ¡°For everything. I, um, I didn¡¯t know what else to do, and¡ª¡± ¡°Also,¡± Officer Williams paused, giving his wife a look. ¡°I know there were, you know. Circumstances, and all. But, you do definitely need to get the girl¡¯s parents on the line and at least let ¡®em know where she is¡ªthey¡¯re probably worrying themselves sick.¡± ¡°Oh¡­ fine.¡± The frown Mrs. Williams wore deepened into a scowl. ¡°I¡¯ll call them.¡±
Though he was tired and bewildered by everything going on, Mr. Moore jumped to answer the landline when the phone began to ring. It had been a hell of trying day, he and his wife both needed answers, and between the tension of waking up to hollering and screeching out of nowhere and the sensation of terror at realizing their baby girl had run out into the night for some baffling reason, they had no idea what to think! He snatched the phone from it¡¯s cradle and issued a brisk ¡°Moore residence¡± into it while holding a hand up to forestall any interruption from his wife. ¡°Hello, this is Karen Williams,¡± A woman introduced herself in a brisk tone. ¡°We¡¯ve met before.¡± ¡°Yes, I¡ª¡± Mr. Moore frowned. ¡°Tabitha is safe and sound,¡± Mrs. Williams revealed. ¡°She¡¯s here with me right now.¡± ¡°Oh, thank God,¡± Mr. Moore sagged down to slump against the kitchen counter in relief. ¡°We woke up to all this screaming, and¡ª¡± ¡°There was a woman named Lisa staying there in the mobile home with you?¡± Mrs. Williams asked. ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°My sister-in-law, she¡¯s staying with us right now. For Thanksgiving.¡± ¡°Were you aware of any substance abuse problems there might have been around this Lisa character?¡± Mrs. Williams pressed. ¡°Anything like that you might remember? Anything at all?¡± ¡°No, no no no, nothing like that at all,¡± Mr. Moore quickly assured her. ¡°Lisa¡¯s not into anything like that.¡± ¡°You¡¯re sure?¡± Mrs. Williams asked again. ¡°Absolutely,¡± Mr. Moore answered without hesitation. ¡°Lisa would never get into any of that stuff.¡± Good lord, He felt a massive headache coming on. What in the hell is Tabby TELLING them? That¡¯s the family of a police officer, for Christ¡¯s sake! It¡¯s one thing to say that to ME when she¡¯s a little too angry to think straight, but to go around implicating stuff like that to other people when poor Lisa¡¯s¡ª ¡°Because Tabitha brought some woman¡¯s purse along with her, she says it¡¯s her Aunt Lisa¡¯s, and it¡¯s full of heroin,¡± Mrs. Williams explained in an irritated tone. ¡°So, you don¡¯t have any idea where it came from?¡± ¡°Heroin?¡± Mr. Moore repeated, his features scrunching up in disbelief. ¡°That doesn¡¯t make any sense, there¡ªthere has to be some kind of mistake, or misunderstanding or something, here. Tabitha¡¯s telling you that there¡¯s drugs in a purse somewhere?¡± ¡°Tabitha had a purse with her,¡± Mrs. Williams growled. ¡°When I picked her up. It¡¯s here now with us. Tabitha said she thought there was heroin inside of it. We opened it. There was heroin inside of it. Just what are we meant to be misunderstanding, here?¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ impossible,¡± Mr. Moore put a hand to his forehead in confusion. ¡°Where would Tabitha have gotten her hands on something like¡­? You said heroin? That, that just doesn¡¯t make any sense.¡± ¡°Well, it was in this Lisa woman¡¯s purse, so maybe, just maybe it belonged to this Lisa woman!¡± Mrs. Williams yelled through the phone, furious now. ¡°Where is this woman now?¡± ¡°She¡¯s not, she¡ª¡± Mr. Moore looked around the trailer helplessly, knowing she was already gone. ¡°She took off looking for Tabitha, ¡®cause we¡¯re here all worried about what the hell¡¯s going on. But, there¡¯s definitely no way Lisa would ever get into drugs or anyth¡ª¡± ¡°Good Lord, it¡¯s like I¡¯m talking to a damned wall,¡± Mrs. Williams hissed. ¡°Is there anyone there with a lick of sense there I can talk to? Let me speak to your wife, put her on right this instant!¡± ¡°She, she wants to¡ª¡± Mr. Moore had turned to his wife and had lowered the cordless phone handset for a only moment before she snatched it out of his hands. ¡°Hello? Is Tabitha safe?¡± Mrs. Moore demanded. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s here safe and sound,¡± Mrs. Williams assured her. ¡°She called me earlier and asked me to pick her up. Now what the hell is going on over there?¡± ¡°My sister-in-law woke us up screaming and shrieking and hollering about who-knows-what, Tabitha¡¯s gone missing, she says Tabitha stole her purse and ran off with it,¡± Mrs. Moore tried to explain everything all at once. ¡°Lisa¡ª my sister-in-law, she was staying with us for Thanksgiving. I know our Tabby wouldn¡¯t steal anything from her, though, and, and¡ªshe shouldn¡¯t be out and about running around either, Doctor Conners said she needs to be careful and take it easy, and she has been, I don¡¯t, I don¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Okay, okay, you calm down and breathe,¡± Mrs. Williams told her. ¡°You¡¯re workin¡¯ yourself up into a panic attack. Tabitha is safe and sound here and perfectly fine, and I¡¯ll let you speak with her in a moment. First of all; where is this Lisa woman right now?¡± ¡°She¡¯s¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore frowned. ¡°Out looking for Tabitha. She said.That¡¯s what she said. Threw on her clothes in a big hurry and left the shower running and everything! She took off in her car, uh, our car now I guess, she sold it to us, b-back some month or so ago? We, we had the keys for it just in the little dish by the door, it¡ª¡± ¡°That Cutlass Supreme we talked about before?¡± Mrs. Williams asked. ¡°One that was supposed to have a bad alternator?¡± ¡°Yes¡ªI mean, I think so,¡± Mrs. Moore tromped past where her husband was hovering over her, smacking and waving him back with her free hand, and peeked out past the curtains. ¡°It¡¯s gone for sure. She got it started this time, at least? Lisa¡¯s out there somewhere in it.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll call it in and have Springton PD looking for it,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°Looking for Lisa?¡± Mrs. Moore felt panic rising up within her all over again. ¡°What did she do? What¡¯s going on¡ª¡± ¡°This Lisa woman was shooting up heroin there in your bathroom,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°Your Tabitha knew something was up and called me beforehand, asked if I could pick her up. It¡¯s¡ªno you didn¡¯t just SUSPECT, you DID know, Tabby Honey, and you were right¡ª and anyhow she managed to grab the evidence and get away from there before that woman could stop her. I saw this Lisa woman myself! Buck naked and screaming at us in the doorway of your trailer like she was completely deranged! Good Lord, I¡¯m glad your Tabby was smart enough to call on me, so I could be there to get her the hell out of all that!¡± Lisa was doing HEROIN right here IN OUR BATHROOM?! Mrs. Moore was so livid she felt her eyes watering. And Tabitha took it on herself to take care of everything and actually DO SOMETHING about it. She had to. SHE HAD TO. What on Earth were WE doing about any of it?! Her useless fucking parents?! ¡°Is, i-is, Tabitha, she¡¯s okay?¡± Mrs. Moore choked up. ¡°She¡¯s okay?¡± Pangs of guilt and rage so strong they felt like they were folding her stomach in on itself nearly doubled her over. Her memory of being there across the table from Lisa when she backhanded her youngest son was still so sharp and vivid that it might as well have been cutting into her. Everyone but Tabitha had seemed to be frozen in indecision in response to that. Only Tabitha immediately got up and did something. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s safe and sound,¡± Mrs. Williams reiterated in a cold voice. ¡°She¡¯s okay now.¡± She¡¯d been terrified of Lisa¡¯s overbearing attitude and shouting and how aggressive the woman was about everything, she¡¯d been proud of her daughter for speaking up, and more than anything else felt the deep weight of shame in her guts for not being able to stand up and take action when it counted. Speaking up about it afterward, after Tabitha had already taken the poor boy off to the back room, it wasn¡¯t enough. The moment to do something when it mattered had already passed, and all of the so-called adults sitting there watching the whole Lisa mess happening had missed it. ¡°Can I, um,¡± Mrs. Moore tried not to sob. ¡°Can I speak with her? If she wants to talk to us? Can you ask her?¡±
¡°Hi, Momma,¡± Tabitha called weakly into the phone. ¡°Sorry about¡­ all this mess. I didn¡¯t know what else to¡ª¡± Mrs. Williams watched the teen pause in mid-sentence as the voice on the other end of the line interrupted her. The girl that was perched on the edge of one of the couch cushions looked awkward and exhausted, with her pretty red hair all frazzled and the dark circles beneath her eyes stark on account of how dreadfully pale she was. The entire bittersweet scene had Mrs. Williams getting riled up all over again¡ªhadn¡¯t this poor thing been through enough?! Just look at her! Mrs. Williams fumed. Look at her! She still has that dreadful cast on, and everything! I¡¯d hate to say it¡ªI¡¯d HATE TO SAY IT, but it¡¯s her so-called FAMILY, it¡¯s her parents, it¡¯s that entire god awful neighborhood! Her parents don¡¯t seem to give a damn about anything going on around her at all! Bullied the whole way out of school by those wretched cretin kids, almost got goddamn KILLED¡ªat my own Halloween party!¡ªBy some trashy girl out to get her, that everyone says should have been on MENTAL ILLNESS MEDICATION, and now Tabitha¡¯s even run out of her home because some naked drug addict LUNATIC woman is holed up there?! ¡°Okay. I know. I know. I¡¯ll¡­ I¡¯ll talk to him,¡± Tabitha spoke into the phone, beginning to hunch her shoulders with apparent reluctance. ¡°...Hi, Dad. Sorry about all the big commotion tonight. I¡ª¡± When does someone put their foot down and say enough is enough? Mrs. Williams pursed her lips so as not to display the scowl that wanted to appear. Her father especially, what an IDIOT! If I had a daughter half as nice as Tabitha, I¡¯d be personally laying down the law with each and every one of these ¡®problems¡¯¡ªand putting myself between her and anyone who dared look at her funny! ¡°No, I¡ªDad, no,¡± Tabitha hissed into the phone. ¡°I, I don¡¯t care if you believe it or not! She was shooting up heroin, in our bathroom. We¡ªI¡¯m not letting her near any of the boys if she¡¯s going to be¡ª¡± Indignant outrage was welling up within her and Mrs. Williams realized her hands had risen up as if she needed to do something about this, but found she had no idea what to do. She wanted to snatch the phone away from this poor girl and scream obscenities through it and then hang up on that stupid lout! This wasn¡¯t her family issue to stick her nose into, but she wanted to, and with Tabitha¡¯s phone call for help earlier, she felt like some intangible line had been crossed. Now, invitation was open for her to start doing something about all this nonsense! ¡°Dad, stop,¡± Tabitha interrupted whatever her father was saying over the phone. ¡°Stop, stop¡ªI don¡¯t care. I don¡¯t care, an-and, and it doesn¡¯t matter. Let¡¯s just, can we just let the police deal with this? Let them decide? She¡¯s not getting any sympathy from me. I¡¯m sorry. She¡¯s not. Sorry. She¡¯s not. Not after¡ª¡± Despite her every attempt at self control, Karen Williams bit her lip and was forced to take a step forward as Tabitha rose from her seat and stood, the teen appearing increasingly vexed by whatever that man was trying to say to her. ¡°She¡¯s not!¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice broke this time. ¡°And¡ªand even if she was family, that isn¡¯t a free pass! This isn¡¯t about her being white trash, and she IS white trash, it¡¯s about her actions! LOOK AT WHAT SHE¡¯S DONE, look at the way she¡ªno, no. NO. Dad, I don¡¯t care! I¡ª¡± She couldn¡¯t hear Mr. Moore¡¯s side of the conversation, but Mrs. Williams didn¡¯t need to, at this point. Being able to see Tabitha¡¯s falling expression, how completely lost the young girl looked was absolutely heartbreaking enough. ¡°I¡­ wish you weren¡¯t like this,¡± Tabitha finally sobbed into the receiver. ¡°With Lisa. With us. Mom being the way she was for so long, me becoming so, so¡ªwretched, and hating everything about myself, and you j-just, just not doing anything about it. I-I know it¡¯s not really your fault, an-and I know I can¡¯t put all of that on you and just blame you for everything we¡¯ve gone through, but, but¡ªbut at the same time, you just, just kept letting it all happen! ¡°I know you have a huge heart, and I know you¡¯re, you¡¯re just blind to all the bad in people, somehow, and I love you for that because I¡¯m a stupid thirteen year old girl! A-and, I¡¯m terrified of you ever changing, o-of you ever being someone else or, or being different. But I, I just¡ªI just¡ªDad¡­ I can¡¯t deal with this anymore!¡± Covering her face with her good hand and her forearm in a cast both, Tabitha broke into tears, no longer caring to hold the phone to her ear. Stepping forward in a rush, Mrs. Williams put her arms around the distraught girl as if to try to shield the poor thing from everything. The rage and sympathy and pure consternation she felt at having witnessed this sorry scene had her own eyes growing wet, and Mrs. Williams took the cordless handset from her Tabitha and decisively thumbed the call button on it to hang up. Then she flung the phone aside towards the couch in an angry toss. Tabitha¡¯s staying with us, or living with the Macintires from now on¡ªI don¡¯t know, we¡¯ll figure something out. No matter what, she definitely doesn¡¯t need to go back THERE until they clean up and figure out their goddamned priorities. GOOD HEAVENS, what a mess.
It was well past two in the morning by the time Mrs. Williams decided Tabitha had gotten it all out of her system, and by then the girl seemed completely wrung out. There was just nothing left to her! Tabitha simply wore a haunted, vacant expression as Mrs. Williams led her into Matthew¡¯s room. The new bedding had been set up, but the mother was forced to purse her cheek for a moment at the disastrous state he¡¯d been content to leave everything else in, and he¡¯d certainly be hearing about it tomorrow. Shaking her head, she got Tabitha changed out of her clothes and into a nightshirt, tucked the teen into bed as if she were Hannah, and then sat beside the quiet girl for a long few minutes, not sure what to say. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­¡± Mrs. Williams tut-tutted, shaking her head in disbelief. ¡°I can¡¯t believe things turned out this way. Again. That they keep turning out this way. The shooting incident, you getting your wrist broken. All that awful bullying that just wouldn¡¯t stop! That girl losing her mind at the Halloween party, and now? Now this. It sure seems like it¡¯s just been one thing after another with you, from one big terrible thing to the next. Even just seeing it all happen, it¡¯s still hard to believe.¡± ¡°In another life, in some other life, most of these things wouldn¡¯t have gone this way,¡± Tabitha remarked in a distant voice. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t have been like this.¡± ¡°What do you mean, dear?¡± Mrs. Williams perched herself on the edge of the bed and stroked a strand of red hair free from Tabitha¡¯s brow. ¡°None of this has been your fault, okay?¡± ¡°In another life, a lot of these things would have just¡ªpassed on by and gone unnoticed,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°All of these things¡­ circling around me, they haven¡¯t happened on purpose, but they weren¡¯t really accidents, either. I involve myself in so many things, I express agency where, in some other hypothetical life, I wouldn¡¯t have. I¡¯m not supposed to be¡­ like this. Not like this. Things that would have taken their own course, to their, their own various whatever resolutions over time have all gotten¡­ disrupted. Like I¡¯ve put my hand into flowing water, and then have the gall to be upset that doing so creates ripples, disturbs the current. It¡¯s almost silly. Hypocritical.¡± ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Williams couldn¡¯t help but grow concerned. ¡°If I¡¯d only kept to myself, kept my head down, I wouldn¡¯t have even appeared on people¡¯s radar,¡± Tabitha confessed in a quiet murmur. ¡°If I¡¯d let the shooting happen¡­ but then¡ªOfficer Macintire, he would have died, and because I was able to do something, I had to. Or, it would have been my fault. Getting pushed, a lot of the bullying, it¡¯s because I wanted to have my cake, and eat it too. Be pretty and popular, be there for once, be noticed for once, but without putting forth the effort in socializing, connecting, being a part of it all, making a place for myself in a social setting. I wasn¡¯t even supposed to be pretty in the first place to begin with, it just¡­ just wasn¡¯t supposed to happen.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s a bunch of nonsense,¡± Mrs. Williams hurried to assure her. ¡°Tabby Honey, you have every right to be pretty, and no matter what there¡¯s no reason for you to be bullied for it!¡± And the shooting¡ªno one would have blamed you, even if you saw it all happen and didn¡¯t do a thing. Not me, not Darren Macintire, not anyone. Seeing someone shoot a firearm right there out of nowhere, why, that¡¯s terrifying, it¡¯s loud and terrifying and not a single person would have blamed you if you just ran away. You¡¯re a teenage girl, you¡¯re allowed to act like one.¡± ¡°I would have blamed me,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I¡¯d have blamed myself.¡± ¡°You go on and blame yourself for everything that goes wrong if you want, but if you do, you¡¯ve also gotta give yourself credit for everything that goes right! Huh, how about that? Tabby, Honey, you¡¯re a downright frighteningly smart young woman, but I deal with the entire Methodist Women¡¯s Choir, and I know sophistry when I hear it, okay? From everything I¡¯ve ever seen, you¡¯ve always done your best with what you had. That¡¯s all any of us can do! I hate seeing you¡­ overthink all of these things to death and be down about yourself over it. You¡¯re fine. Your mind¡¯s just grown up too fast, and all your feelings about everything have to catch up some, now.¡± ¡°Maybe¡­ maybe you¡¯re right,¡± Tabitha did her best to stifle a yawn. ¡°I want to¡­ I want to just not think about anything. For a good long while. I feel so burned out, all the time, I can¡¯t even¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna set all of your worries off to the side and let them cool off some,¡± Mrs. Williams bent down and kissed Tabitha¡¯s forehead. ¡°I say the same thing to my hubby all the time, tell him when he obviously needs to take a break and just go fishing with Matthew, or watch TV and decompress for a while. Tomorrow, you¡¯re going to play with Hannah and stuff yourself with good food, and I don¡¯t want you to worry about anything bigger than what it is you want to eat next, okay?¡± ¡°No, I can¡¯t just¡ª¡± Tabitha finally gave her an exasperated teenage sigh. ¡°You don¡¯t understand. I¡¯ll get fat.¡± ¡°It¡¯s Thanksgiving, we all get a free pass,¡± Mrs Williams chuckled. ¡°Thank heavens. You get some sleep for now, Hun. You¡¯ve had a rough time until now, but all of that¡¯s over.¡±
¡°You alright, Miss?¡± Officer Stephens asked in amusement as he put his cruiser in park and popped open the door of the squad car to step out into the chilly November air. ¡°Aw hell¡ªshit,¡± the blonde woman swore, her face running through a gamut of different expressions in an instant before a forced smile was pushed to the forefront and she let out an uneasy giggle. ¡°Shit, shit¡ªI mean, not you¡ªI mean this piece o¡¯ shit, would ya believe it? Hell, I, uh, I might need myself a jump to get ¡®er back a¡¯goin¡¯ again!¡± The main streets had all been empty at this hour, and he wouldn¡¯t have discovered her if not for checking the smaller back roads where Springton began to bleed into Fairfield and zoning became a lot less distinct. There wasn¡¯t much out here besides a barren stretch of road, a long guard rail dividing the roadside from the strip of berm, and then woods. Dead leaves and bare trees as far as the eye can see, what with the deer population having scoured away all the underbrush already. ¡°What¡¯s this, an Oldsmobile?¡± Stephens let a low whistle as he flicked his flashlight on and swept the beam across the woman¡¯s vehicle. ¡°Whoa, Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Classic?¡± ¡°Wow!¡± the woman gushed. ¡°You can tell all that jus¡¯ from seein¡¯ it in the dark? Must sure know yer cars, huh? I bet you have some jumper cables with ya, right?¡± ¡°Whelp, thing is,¡± Stephens chuckled, ambling around behind the Oldsmobile so that he could shine his light across the license plate. ¡°If my hunch is right, I don¡¯t think jumper cables are gonna do you any good here.¡± ¡°Wha-whaddya mean,¡± the blonde demanded. ¡°Officer¡ªlook, I know I ain¡¯t in any kind o¡¯ trouble, I just¡ª¡± ¡°Yep, just like I thought it was¡ª1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Classic. Black paint. Plates match. Jump won¡¯t do you no good, Miss. S¡¯not the battery, you got yourself a bum alternator. I had to guess, I¡¯d say both your idle air intake and your electronic control module are both kaput, too.¡± ¡°Well holy gee smokes you sure do know yer stuff, a¡¯sounds like,¡± the blonde let out a guffaw of obvious release that turned into a wafting cloud of vapor in the frigid air. ¡°For a second there I thought¡ª¡± ¡°Ehh, not really,¡± Stephens chuckled, shaking his head. ¡°Just¡ªyou know how it is, us boys ¡®round the station get to talkin¡¯ ¡®bout these things. We all love cars. Good buddy o¡¯ mine¡¯s had us all pitching in to help get some replacement chips sorted out, direct from General Motors. S¡¯not real expensive, just a lotta hoops you gotta jump through to get the exact parts you need programmed just the way you need it for a ten year old car like this.¡± ¡°Sure don¡¯t sound easy, I wouldn¡¯t know a thing ¡®bout all that mechanical stuff,¡± the woman laughed. ¡°But, hey¡ª if¡¯n you don¡¯t think jumper cables¡¯ll work, would you mind givin¡¯ me a lift? I gotta friend right on the edge o¡¯ Fairfield I¡¯m tryin¡¯ ta make it to, an¡¯ weather sure ain¡¯t good for walkin¡¯ my way all the way there.¡± ¡°Well Ma¡¯am, I¡¯d be delighted to,¡± Officer Stephens said with a smile. ¡°So long as you don¡¯t mind if I make a uh, a quick stop at the station first?¡± Quick stop, a quick piss test maybe to check for opiates, then a little talk, maybe? Stephens thought to himself¡ªhe had never expected apprehending Lisa Moore would be this easy. Sure as hell seems like this aunty is ¡®borrowing¡¯ that Tabitha girl¡¯s clunker. And after Darren was all set on gettin¡¯ fixed up for the girl¡¯s birthday next month! If they really want to get the woman out of their lives, hell, we can slap grand theft auto on top of possession. RE: Trailer Trash chapter 355 Springton High School, at the outside courtyard during the lunch period. Along the very outer ring edge of tables, a youthful girl dressed in dark clothing sat, all by herself. She was slender and possessed fair features; her hair was dyed ink-black but shone with luster, and her eyes were as clear as pools of autumn water. However, all of the other students kept a wide distance, with few daring to draw any closer to her. Elena Seelbaugh preferred it that way. ¡°Aiyo, what¡¯s gotten into you?¡± Alicia Brooks asked with a sigh, sitting down to join the girl without invitation. ¡°I wanted to leave you be today, but you look so troubled that I really just couldn¡¯t bear to do it. What¡¯s wrong, Elena Seelbaugh?¡± ¡°Nothing is wrong,¡± Elena Seelbaugh replied with an air of indifference, not even giving Alicia Brooks a glance. ¡°It¡¯s just...¡± ¡°We¡¯re friends,¡± Alicia Brooks reminded her, as she saw that Elena Seelbaugh didn¡¯t want to speak. ¡°We¡¯re friends, and so¡ªyour troubles are my troubles, your burdens are my burdens!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll not bother you with trivial matters,¡± Elena Seelbaugh said, dismissing the matters as if they were trivial. ¡°Some trials can only be faced alone¡­¡± Elena Seelbaugh¡¯s words trailed off and her lofty expression hardened into an impassive mask, because a small procession of students was approaching their isolated table. Leading the group at its head was a figure that couldn¡¯t be any more familiar to her¡ªCarrie Elwood! The same witch that had attempted to lure Tabitha Moore out of the Williams family¡¯s residence and entrap her into a confrontation with Erica Taylor. That confrontation had happened anyways, but Elena Seelbaugh shuddered to imagine how things would have turned out if Tabitha Moore had been attacked alone outside the manor, where there would have been no witnesses! Her friend¡¯s life had been hanging by a thread¡ªif not for the immediacy of them rushing the girl to safety, she would have surely breathed her last breath! Then, Erica Taylor and Carrie Elwood could have made up any excuse they liked, Elena Seelbaugh thought inside her mind, her eyes narrowing. Erica Taylor is facing justice now¡ªbut this Carrie Elwood hasn¡¯t answered for her crimes! As always, Carrie Elwood dressed in an ostentatious manner, wearing a fur-collared gilet several grades above what most Springton students were able to afford, with the Tommy Hilfigure brocade insignia prominently sewn upon the lapel. Her golden hair was ornamented with jadelike butterfly clips from the Claire¡¯s pavilion in the prestigious Sandboro mall, her eyebrows were like fine feathers and muscles soft like snow, and Carrie Elwood¡¯s frosty disposition could be summed up with the words¡ªice princess! This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°I thought to take pity on you and invite you to tea¡ªon account of us once being like sisters,¡± Carrie Elwood lamented, glancing from the Snapple tea she held and then back up to Elena Seelbaugh with a mocking smile. ¡°But to think you really went so far as to cripple your own popularity base!¡± In the eyes of all the Springton High students, Carrie Elwood¡¯s words were an indisputable truth! The Elena Seelbaugh of just last month had been lauded by many as one of the most promising youths in the entire school. Her countenance had been sunny and fair, her reputation had been advancing swiftly for her age, and even though she was considered at the peak of the freshman class, she was still kind and courteous with fellow disciples. Now, however, Elena Seelbaugh took pains to avoid her peers, ceasing to cultivate her image of a bright young beauty, and dressed herself instead in the black of funerary clothes. It could only be described as shocking! One of this generation¡¯s coveted white lilies had instead become as strange and inauspicious as a black lotus! Gossip and rumor found its way into the ears of many students, most believing she¡¯d gone berserk in the practice of her fashion subculture and was experiencing some manner of social deviation. In their eyes, what other reason could there possibly be? ¡°So what if I did? What does my popularity have to do with you?¡± Elena Seelbaugh answered with total disregard to Carrie Elwood¡¯s status. ¡°Drink Snapple? With you? I would sooner drink poison just to quench my thirst!¡± The curious onlookers all around them watched with rapt attention. Since ostracizing herself from the grade¡¯s main cohort, Elena Seelbaugh had rarely spoken¡ªsome had even thought her struck dumb or began to take her for a mute. Her instead replying to Carrie Elwood in such a bold manner went against all expectations! ¡°You!¡± Carrie Elwood¡¯s eyes flashed with cold fury, and she nearly dashed the bottle of Snapple against the flagstones of the school in a fit of rage! ¡°Good! Very good! A shameless cripple like you still has the face to brag!? I¡¯m warning you, Elena Seelbaugh¡ªdon¡¯t refuse a toast only to drink a forfeit!¡± ¡°Could it be your own popularity has reached a bottleneck?¡± Elena Seelbaugh guessed with a meaningful smile. ¡°So, you hope to use me as a stepping stone? Hmph, as expected¡ªyou could only come this far!¡± In fact, though it now seemed that Carrie Elwood had risen to new heights and held every advantage, the girl had been struggling to consolidate her popularity. With several of the more tyrannical sophomores that had opposed Tabitha Moore either expelled from the school or forced to kowtow in apology after a suspension, a rift had appeared in the hierarchy of student alliances. Though Carrie Elwood had used every advantage and stolen every opportunity to fill the political vacuum, she was still but a reed that bent in the wind, subject to the myriad swaying and flowing influence of common opinion. Elena Seelbaugh had instead chosen the more bitter and difficult path. Forsaking the popularity she¡¯d painstakingly built up wasn¡¯t simply a true loss, however¡ªthis experience was tempering her spirit. Advancing one¡¯s popularity through ordinary means slowly accumulated impurities in one¡¯s temperament, which Elena Seelbaugh was now expelling. Circulating the beautiful and endlessly profound lyrics to My Immortal filled her with meaning and continuously forged Elena Seelbaugh¡¯s resolve to go gothic. The haunting melody Tabitha Moore had sung for her was like spellwork, and in the hours since she¡¯d been lost in thought trying to unravel the meanings hidden within that song. For it to have such a calamitous effect on the inner core of Elena Seelbaugh¡¯s very being there was surely some profound mystery or secret, but exactly what it might be continued to slip through her grasp and elude her. ¡°I know why you begged and pleaded your wretched way into the Halloween lakehouse party,¡± Carrie Elwood¡¯s voice rose until all of the students gathered in the school¡¯s courtyard could hear her. ¡°This shameless freshman slut was hoping to seduce a sophomore¡ªMatthew Williams!¡± RE: Trailer Trash chapter 356 Gasps of surprise and murmurs of agreement resounded throughout the crowd. Who hadn¡¯t heard rumor of Elena Seelbaugh¡¯s interest in Matthew Williams in the prior months? With the clever twisting of her words however, Carrie Elwood meant to imply that Elena Seelbaugh had sinister intentions! Perhaps Elena Seelbaugh had hoped to borrow the status and prestige of the prince-like Matthew Williams by fawning upon him and his wealthy family. The other youthful girls present here felt awash with jealousy, thinking to themselves that Elena Seelbaugh was a toad lusting after swan meat! The expressions of the young men darkened as well, thinking to themselves what was so great about Matthew Williams? In what way could they not compare to him? ¡°Say whatever you like,¡± Elena Seelbaugh said, treating the girl as though she were a simple passing cloud that wasn¡¯t worth another glance. ¡°What you think means nothing more than a joke to me.¡± ¡°Why don''t we make a little wager, then?¡± Carrie Elwood asked with a provoking sneer. ¡°I bet that before the end of the week, Matthew Williams will agree to be my boyfriend! I¡¯ll wager twenty United States dollar bills!¡± ¡°Why not make it fifty United States dollar bills?¡± Elena Seelbaugh challenged with a mysterious smile. ¡°Do you dare?¡± There was a sharp intake of breath from many of the nearby students who had been listening in on their exchange. United States dollar bills were a precious cultivation resource for any youth of Springton High School; even the wealthy young masters here could simply never have enough United States dollar bills. The coveted notes were a precious commodity used as currency even beyond their province of Kentucky. ¡°Fifty United States dollar bills?! Despicable!¡± The girl standing at Carrie Elwood''s right leapt forward. ¡°You''re courting death!¡± Carrie''s other lackey declared, her face turning black. ¡°Hmph!¡± Carrie Elwood waved back her followers with a flick of her sleeve. ¡°Fifty United States dollar bills? Why would I not dare? I only hope your Seelbaugh family can bear such a heavy price!¡± ¡°Elena¡­¡± Alicia Brooks began to protest in a hesitant voice. She knew her friend was domineering, but this was fifty United States dollar bills! That was no small sum! What Alicia Brooks had forgotten in the heat of the moment, however, was that the two of them already were in possession of a certain important truth! They had discovered Matthew Williams was already engaged in a secret courtship with Casey Miller! In deference to their friendship with the pair of young lovers they had both kept silent on this matter and word had not yet leaked out. Carrie Elwood was completely unaware of this critical fact, and had lost her own wager before it had even begun! Truly face-smacking! ¡°My father is a core practitioner of transcendent law, and his legal firm is one of the nine great pillars of Springton,¡± Elena Seelbaugh answered. Her clear face was like a tranquil pool, without a single ripple of concern. ¡°Trash like you who can only cling to the thighs of the sophomore disciples need not concern yourself with the affairs of my Seelbaugh family¡¯s pockets!¡± You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. ¡°Y-you!¡± Carrie Elwood gnashed her teeth. ¡°Elena Seelbaugh has Mr. Peterson and the entire Art department supporting her!¡± Alicia Brooks scoffed. ¡°She doesn¡¯t even have to put Carrie Elwood in her eyes.¡± ¡°Oh, so you haven¡¯t heard?¡± Clarissa Dole spoke up. ¡°Heard?¡± Alicia Brooks asked. ¡°Heard what?¡± ¡°I''m afraid this matter indeed isn¡¯t simple,¡± Clarissa Dole sadly shook her head. ¡°Mr. Peterson is an elder of the Art department, yes¡ªbut rumors throughout the sect say that those sophomores Carrie Elwood has been fawning over have the backing of Coach Cooke!¡± Alicia Brooks staggered at receiving the ominous news as if she had been struck a shocking blow, while Elena''s pupils sharpened to a knife-like quality. After all, Coach Cooke was head of the Sports department! In their province of Kentucky, an Art department elder like Mr. Peterson was not even fit to be mentioned in the same breath as a venerated teacher from the Sports department! The Springton High sect had always favored the martial path over the more obscure profundities of the arts. To make matters worse, in the generations since the foundation of the school, the Art department had continuously fallen into decline, failing to produce any young prodigies capable of ascending beyond their foundation stage. Even an arts genius like Alicia Brooks who was as rare as phoenix feathers and qilin horns was still only just an outer disciple, while young experts pursuing the dao of football or basketball were as common as clouds in the sky!
¡°Shameless!¡± Carrie Elwood spat, unable to quell her rage. She¡¯d thought that with Tabitha Moore out of the picture Erica Taylor gone, her own rise to prominence was set in stone! ¡°Someone needs to teach that slut a lesson!¡± ¡°How does that Elena Seelbaugh even qualify to be compared to our Young Miss Carrie?¡± one of the girls exclaimed. ¡°Hmph, she has eyes but can¡¯t even see the Appalachians!¡± ¡°Fifty United States dollar bills? A wastrel good-for-nothing like her really only knows how to flaunt her family¡¯s wealth!¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t she know our Young Miss Carrie has the support of several juniors and seniors?¡± Another sycophant chimed in. ¡°I don¡¯t believe that slut won¡¯t be willing to give face to upperclassmen. The freshman class has always bowed their heads and given respect to their seniors¡ª or does she intend to overturn the traditions of our Springton High?!¡± ¡°Another freshman dares step all over our Sports Department?! Good! Good! Good!¡± Coach Cooke roared out three times as he slapped a hand on his desk, which instantly created a small cloud of dust from the impact. ¡°I¡¯d really like to know where they get their courage!¡± As a former semi-professional football practitioner, Coach Cooke was an enormous man with arms like tree trunks and eyebrows like swords. Within the halls of Springton High he was celebrated as a hero, a tiger among men. Who else but him could summon the wind and the rain by simply turning his hand? Had news of Elena Seelbaugh¡¯s challenge to Carrie Elwood reached his ears at any other time, Coach Cooke would have just taken it as words not worth a fart. However, it had only been a few weeks since the matter with Chris Thompson! It was bad enough that the state officials hadn¡¯t sought his opinion regarding Chris Thompson, and remembering the matter once again had Coach Cooke furrowing his brow in displeasure. Chris Thompson had been one of the favored disciples he had been grooming personally! There hadn¡¯t been a doubt in his mind that with a bit more nurturing and guidance in mastering the secret footwork technique Coach Cooke had been passing down for generations, Chris Thompson was a rare talent. Without the young dragon of their star running back representing them, he¡¯d been unable to win any face for Springton High in the recent competition with Fairfield High! Chris Thompson¡¯s expulsion from Springton High really had Coach Cooke¡¯s intestines turning green with regret! The boy had indeed erred, of that there was no doubt. But, expelling him from the sect for such a mundane infraction was going too far! A hot-blooded temperament was to be expected from disciples of his Sports department, for how else could Coach Cooke forge these youths into young heroes? If those despicable administrative officials had only given him his due and left the matter to him, Chris Thompson would simply reflect on his actions in the detention hall and his training regimen would be doubled or tripled as punishment! Coach Cooke had reasoned with the officials until he was blue in the face, but his council fell on deaf ears¡ªall of the sudden it was as if his words weren¡¯t worth a fart to them! He couldn¡¯t make any sense of it. The Tabitha Moore girl was a nobody without any standing in the first place, and her family¡¯s abject poverty made the circumstances of the minor injury suspect. There were always despicable characters muddying the waters and using any means to climb up from where they belonged in the natural hierarchy of things. To Coach Cooke, the Thompson family was already generous enough in offering recompense at all! The matter should have been as good as settled! Editors team note: Alicia Brooks and Elena Seelbaugh discovered Matthew Williams and Casey Miller''s relationship in chap 288. 39: Thanksgiving without family. Tabitha woke up in a strange bed and unfamiliar room, and for a long, bleary moment she was too disoriented to remember her circumstances. It didn¡¯t take long to remember that she¡¯d fled home in the middle of the night. This was a temporary reprieve with the Williams family, and she had been provided accommodations in Matthew William¡¯s own bedroom. The bed was nice, though, a queen-sized mattress that seemed to stretch on forever and over as she stretched out her legs. It seemed cleaner, nicer, more luxuriant somehow, and in her daze she couldn¡¯t help but grope across the surface of the bedspread with her fingers for a moment. Mmmm. What IS this? It felt positively decadent to lay on after spending so long on a rather stiff twin-sized bed that had likely been in the Moore family longer than Tabitha had. She wanted to lay here forever, ensconced in that sleepy morning daze somewhere between being too sleepy to start moving and too awake to properly fall asleep. Replacing her own mattress at home with higher quality bedding began to lazily waft up higher and higher on her list of priorities. Seriously. Is this¡­ a foam mattress topper of some kind? Memory foam padding? Did they have that back in ninety-eight? I thought the pre-two-thousands was like¡­ hmmm, the water-bed era? This definitely isn¡¯t one of those. As her mind slowly came around to waking clarity she stretched out all of her limbs again, this time holding them as far out as she could for a moment until her legs trembled before relaxing back into the clean linen. It seemed more probable that this was simply an ordinary, run-of-the-mill mattress, and hers at home was well past its expected lifespan and little more than a thin prison cot. Comparisons were cruel, and she remembered that in her first few weeks re-living this life she¡¯d been irritated and on edge by how dated and worn everything in the mobile home around her had been. But then, I just¡ªI just got used to it all, Tabitha rubbed her eyes with her good hand and opened them so she could stare at the unfamiliar ceiling. I adjusted to everything. I ACCLIMATED. To a lot of things. Some of which I had to¡ªlife before internet, the whole weird prehistoric paradigm THAT is¡ªsome of which I probably shouldn¡¯t have let myself get used to at all. Too many circumstances, too many things with my parents I just should have made a stand on right away. Matthew William¡¯s room seemed like a different place when seen with daylight casting sunbeams in through his big window. It was bright, spacious, and fairly tidy for a 90¡¯s teen room. He had his own little tube TV set on the desk beside the bed, with a Nintendo 64 console stacked on top of it. The far wall featured posters¡ªa large one advertising the special edition release of The Empire Strikes Back had the most prominent position, flanked on one side by the tattoo sun-logo of a Sublime poster, and with the little girl playing hopscotch upon an exaggerated cliff edge Korn poster on the other side. Above the posters were Cub Scout certificates and Boy Scout awards, a rather grisly photo of what must have been a much younger Matthew in winter attire crouched beside a deer carcass with his father. Several ensemble pictures that might have been little league teams from various years were tacked up with thumbpins, and to Tabitha¡¯s surprise¡ªshe also noticed a large marker doodle on construction paper of Casey¡¯s Cocoa Cinnabun, hugging another rabbit while framed by a large, cutesy drawn heart. Awww. That¡¯s so swee¡ª Without warning the bedroom door burst open, and dark-haired seven-year-old little Hannah Macintire was there. The girl¡¯s adorable eyes went wide at seeing Tabitha awake, and¡ªHannah immediately scampered back the other direction down the hall before a startled Tabitha could even greet her. ¡°MOOOOM! MOM SHE¡¯S ALREADY AWAKE!¡± Having flinched up onto her elbows at the sudden intrusion, Tabitha let out a small laugh and flopped down so that she could sink back into the borrowed pillow for a moment. Which was also incredibly nice, it was even a little astounding how much difference a proper pillow made for getting her some amazing sleep. Although her fitful few hours of rest night before last and then staying up far, far past her usual bedtime last night likely contributed to how tired she¡¯d grown. Tabitha hadn¡¯t realized just how in need of good rest she was¡ªit was like months of tension building up in her neck and shoulders had bled away in the unstoppable comfiness of finally having quality bedding to sleep on. ¡°NO! I didn¡¯t even wake her up she was ALREADY up!¡± Hannah¡¯s exasperated cry echoed down the corridor. ¡°YES SHE WAS! She¡ªMOM, come see! I AM using my inside voice!¡± ¡°Okay, okay, but we¡¯re guests so let¡¯s pretend our inside voice had an inside voice, okay Honey?¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s voice could be heard. ¡°Let¡¯s just keep our volume waaay, way down.¡± Mrs. Macintire then appeared in the doorway, and for the first time, Tabitha wasn¡¯t able to find any traces of the Mrs. Crow from her previous life at all. The same familiar sharp lines of her cheekbones were there, but now the amused quirk of her lip and the look of delight at seeing Tabitha here at the William¡¯s house simply lit up her face. Someone appearing genuinely happy just to see her was always uplifting, and Tabitha felt herself smiling back already. ¡°Hi,¡± Tabitha said with a shy voice and a little wave. ¡°Good morning,¡± Sandra Macintre said, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of the bed. ¡°I heard you had a busy night!¡± ¡°I did,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°I¡­ what time is it? Did I oversleep?¡± ¡°You were pretty tuckered out, so we let you rest,¡± Sandra said as Hannah flew back, this time carrying a can of Dr Pepper. ¡°I don¡¯t know, are you a Dallas Cowboys fan? No one here¡¯s pulling for Minnesota, but either way I don¡¯t think you¡¯ve missed much so far.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªum, football? No, I¡¯m not really¡ª¡± Tabitha looked from one Macintire to the other in a fluster, awkwardly accepting the can. ¡°Oh, thank you Hannah!¡± ¡°We¡¯re allowed to drink as much pop as we want,¡± Hannah reported with the serious intensity only an adorable seven-year-old can muster. ¡°Until six o¡¯clock. Dr Pepper and Root Beer.¡± Then Hannah ran back out of the room again. ¡°I¡¯ll take that one,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled, plucking it out of Tabitha¡¯s hand. ¡°Probably¡¯d spray you everywhere with Hannah running around shaking it up. We can get you whatever you like from the fridge.¡± ¡°I¡­ actually just try to avoid sugars, as much as I can,¡± Tabitha admitted with a nervous smile. ¡°Um¡­ do you happen to know if my Aunt¡­?¡± ¡°They picked her up late last night,¡± Sandra revealed with a grin. ¡°That old cutlass supreme didn¡¯t even get her the whole way out of Springton¡ªnow we¡¯ve got it at the impound lot, where the boys can play with it. ¡®Parently Nick, one of the chucklehead officers, thought he was real clever bringin¡¯ her back to the station like he was just givin¡¯ her a lift somewhere. She not only passed out right in the passenger seat of his cruiser¡ªshe pissed herself!¡± ¡°Then, then¡ª¡± Tabitha stiffened. ¡°She¡¯s been arrested?¡± ¡°Yup!¡± The older woman clapped a hand onto Tabitha¡¯s shoulder with a giddy expression. ¡°Woke up to her Miranda rights and some handcuffs and a bunch of dumbass cops laughing at Nick. The one squad car¡¯s gonna be airing out back behind the station all day! She¡¯s gonna be out of your hair for good. Tested positive for opiates, annnd they already had her on possession and misdemeanor theft and some other crap over in Shelbyville to begin with, so it¡¯s not like she¡¯s gonna wiggle out of whatever we¡¯re gonna charge her with. Her goose is cooked! State trooper¡¯ll be by to pick her up sometime today, CPS will have custody of those cousins of yours sorted out by tomorrow morning. Should have been sorted out whenever she got into trouble over in Shelbyville, but¡ªwell Honey, sometimes justice moves fast, and sometimes it moves at the speed of paperwork.¡± ¡°So¡ªit¡¯s over,¡± Tabitha sagged in place. ¡°It¡¯s over, she¡¯s. She¡¯s done.¡± ¡°That whole mess is all over,¡± Mrs. Macintire hurried to give Tabitha a reassuring hug. ¡°Honestly, it should never have even been your problem for you and your family, but that¡¯s¡­ well, that¡¯s how it is sometimes.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°And on that note,¡± Mrs. Macintire released her grip on Tabitha. ¡°We need to discuss what you¡¯d like to do.¡± ¡°What I¡¯d like to do?¡± Tabitha repeated. ¡°Both for today for Thanksgiving, and, you know, in the¡­ bigger broad picture,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°I don¡¯t know that there¡¯s a delicate way to put this. If you¡¯d like to just put this whole episode behind you and have us take you back home to your parents, we can do that. If that¡¯s¡­ not what you want, you just say the word and Karen and I will do whatever we have to to make other some arrangements for you.¡± ¡°Oh¡­ oh,¡± Tabitha winced as she realized. ¡°I¡¯d never, um. I hadn¡¯t even really considered it as an option. That, I mean. I¡¯ll need to¡­ can I think about it?¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Mrs. Macintire hurried to assure her. ¡°Of course, of course. Karen and I, well¡­ it¡¯s not our place to be critical of your parents. But, if it was¡ªwe would be, you have no idea. Too many awful things are happening around you, here, and no matter which way you connect the dots, it just doesn¡¯t seem to make a pretty picture. If there¡¯s anything you want to say, or need to say, about anything else going on¡ªI¡¯d like you to come to us about it right away. We are going to have a long sit-down talk with them playing good cop bad cop, and I don¡¯t think either of us is gonna be the good cop.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªno, no, I don¡¯t think everything¡¯s really their fault, exactly,¡± Tabitha said in a fluster. ¡°I, I might have gone too far with what I said last night. I was upset. I was real emotional at the time, and¡ªI needed to get things off my chest. Some of it might have been just overreaction.¡± ¡°From the way Karen explained things, you told them you thought your Aunt Lisa woman was doing heroin, and then they just ignored that,¡± Sandra Macintire said slowly. ¡°Which is a problem.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s not that they ignored it, exactly,¡± Tabitha grimaced. ¡°I did tell my Dad. Just, he just didn¡¯t believe me, or thought I was just overreacting, being, you know. Melodramatic.¡± ¡°Except your Aunt Lisa was, in fact, doing heroin,¡± Mrs. Macintire pointed out. ¡°So, in my eyes, in our eyes, you were not overreacting. I don¡¯t think we can understate here how serious the situation is¡ªheroin should not be within arm¡¯s reach of children. Period.¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t, exactly,¡± Tabitha tried to argue. ¡°She was very¡ªprotective of it. Her stash, or, whatever it is you call it. I think, um, with the way I tried to explain to my Dad, it was¡­ well, I¡¯d just thrown a. A tantrum. I was upset, I stormed off, it was¡ªit wasn¡¯t completely his fault. It wasn¡¯t, like, negligence, it was mostly misunderstanding? I like to think? He¡¯s not a bad parent or anything, he¡¯s just¡­ a very simple person. One-track mind. With things.¡± ¡°Alright, I understand,¡± Sandra nodded, lifting her fingers to brush a strand of red hair out of Tabitha¡¯s face. ¡°They are your parents. Just¡ªthink about it, and if there¡¯s ever anything you feel the need to tell us, please don¡¯t hesitate.¡± ¡°I won¡¯t,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°I, uh, I didn¡¯t. As soon as I felt in over my head, I called Mrs. Williams.¡± ¡°Which is good, that was good,¡± Mrs. Macintire praised her. ¡°You¡¯re a smart girl. And¡ªoh, speak of the devil.¡± ¡°Good morning, Tabitha Honey,¡± Mrs. Williams greeted from the doorway. ¡°Well, afternoon now. If you drink coffee, we have coffee. We keep a brand new toothbrush or two in the bathroom medicine cabinet, please feel free to help yourself. Auntie Carol and Grandma June didn¡¯t forget theirs. If you want breakfast, I¡¯ll make you breakfast, you want lunch, I¡¯ll make you lunch. Our thanksgiving dinner¡¯s not for another few hours yet, but we got to talking and with everything going on, I decided to pull the Macintires over and have us a big Thanksgiving with both families.¡± ¡°It¡¯s because I mentioned I wasn¡¯t gonna do a turkey this year,¡± Mrs. Macintire confided in a low voice. ¡°Which is just blasphemous, it¡¯s Thanksgiving for crying out loud!¡± Mrs. Williams stamped her foot. ¡°In any case, Tabitha¡ªif you still want to have Thanksgiving with the Macintires and Williams, we would absolutely love to have you here with us. If you¡¯d rather I take you home, or whatever you¡¯re more comfortable with, we can do that, too.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be a bother at all,¡± Tabitha said with a smile. ¡°I really couldn¡¯t.¡± ¡°Sweetie, you¡¯re not a bother at all!¡± Mrs. Williams hurried to protest. ¡°We¡¯re happy to have you. I¡¯ve always treated Hannah the same.¡± ¡°It¡¯s true, she spoils her rotten,¡± Mrs. Macintire agreed, patting Tabitha¡¯s shoulder. ¡°No, I mean it¡¯s¡­¡± Tabitha gave them a wry smile. ¡°I¡¯m really psychologically just unable to. No one¡¯s ever done this much for me, and¡ªI feel like I¡¯m taking advantage of you, and you¡¯ve already assisted me so much¡­ I really just can¡¯t ask you for anything more.¡± ¡°Nonsense!¡± Mrs. Williams scoffed. ¡°We¡¯ll have Hannah come in here and walk you through how to do it! You¡¯re a young girl, and you¡¯ve been through dreadful ordeal after dreadful ordeal one after another, and¡ª¡± ¡°Karen¡ªlet¡¯s not overwhelm her all at once, okay?¡± Mrs. Macintire intervened. ¡°This has been a rough time for her, and we don¡¯t need to make it any more stressful, okay?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s okay, just. Um,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°For your Thanksgiving dinner, do you have a potato dish?¡± ¡°Of course! We have some ¡®tatoes out already, come on out and try them!¡± Mrs. Williams lit up. ¡°Hah, do we have potatoes. I whipped up my own actually amazing mashed potatoes, and Sandra brought over her awful mess of bland potato paste, too!¡± ¡°Hannah¡¯s picky about her potatoes,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°They can¡¯t have any potato chunks still in it, and, it can¡¯t taste too much garlic, and, it can¡¯t have icky gravy on it, and so on and so forth.¡± ¡°Then¡ªif it¡¯s not too much trouble, or too out of the way,¡± Tabitha asked, ¡°if someone could drop me off back at the trailer park, I can make my scalloped potatoes, from my recipe. Shower and change and everything while it¡¯s in the oven, and then come back here with it for your Thanksgiving dinner. So that I can contribute, too.¡± ¡°Aw, Honey, of course we can do that!¡± Mrs. Williams looked touched. ¡°Scalloped potatoes? I love scalloped potatoes, that¡¯ll be just perfect!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll swing you on by now, then,¡± Mrs. Macintire offered. ¡°There was something I was wanting to talk to you about anyways.¡±
Since she would be returning in just a few hours, Tabitha only spoke a tiny bit to the veritable crowd that was filling the William¡¯s living room right now¡ªthe visiting relatives Carol and June, the visiting other family Darren Macintire and Hannah, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Williams themselves along with Matthew. Sandra waved them all off from holding them up with greetings and questions, and simply bustled Tabitha into someone¡¯s coat and out the door. Their ride happened to be a sporty little 1996 Acura Integra, and quite a bit messier inside than the William¡¯s much newer Ford Taurus. Compared to many other cars on the road right now, they were both sleek, modern vehicles, which seemed at odds with the perspective of her future experience where the designs became so ubiquitous throughout the 2000s that they seemed like ordinary old cars. This Acura even had a disk changer that could swap out multiple CDs, which Tabitha found herself momentarily baffled by. Sandra Macintire herself donned a rather eighties pair of aviator sunglasses as she slipped into the driver¡¯s seat, and all at once Tabitha was struck with the realization. Mrs. Seelbaugh was a cool Mom, and Mrs. Williams was an all-out Mom¡¯s Mom, but Mrs. Macintire¡ªshe was a young Mom. She had sharp features but dressed fashionably for the times, and kept a trim figure that could pass for someone still in college. Actually, looking at her¡ªshe¡¯s probably not even thirty yet! Of course she wouldn¡¯t be. Hannah¡¯s only seven, so¡­ As they pulled away from the curb and sped down the suburban streets, Tabitha was given plenty of food for thought. Thinking about the two women in terms or relative age made her reconsider the relationship between apparent close friends Mrs. Williams and Mrs. Macintire. Both were married to police officers here in town, and both were mothers, but perhaps rather than direct peers, it seemed likely that aggressively social Mrs. Williams had taken Sandra Macintire under her wing, so to speak. After all, if the house on the lake was any indication the Williams family was well connected and came from money, while by comparison Sandra was getting there but didn¡¯t quite seem to have her life all together yet. ¡°So¡ªnow again, not to overwhelm you or anything, but it is something I want to bring up,¡± Sandra said as she guided the Acura into Springton¡¯s intersections. ¡°If you prefer to stay with your parents, that¡¯s fine. Completely fine. So long as this whole mess of a thing never happens again ever, of course.¡± Tabitha regarded the woman driving with wary eyes. ¡°But then also, if you don¡¯t want to do that¡ªwell,¡± Mrs. Macintire quirked her lip as she tried to organize her thoughts into words. ¡°I work at an office in Fairfield. When he was up and about, me and my husband, we made it all work. Now that he¡¯s in recovery, things with Hannah¡­ well, I can¡¯t very well leave her with Karen all the time. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve realized, but like I said Karen can and will spoil that girl rotten. Unapologetically. As if Hannah wasn¡¯t already a little terror to begin with. I¡¯ve looked into hiring a nanny, wasn¡¯t really much into that idea. ¡°But, I think if it¡¯s you¡ªhell, I don¡¯t even need to get into how grateful my family is to you. Nuh-uh-uh, don¡¯t even start denying it. Stow it, missy. Hannah just adores you, she really loves you. I love you. My husband has it in his mind he¡¯s going to magically fix up that car for you, and realistically, what¡¯ll probably happen is we get it running right again and then shop around for a trade-in, for some car you actually like. Anyways, what I¡¯m saying is¡­ ¡°We have a spare bedroom. You¡¯ve withdrawn from school for the immediate future. I would really appreciate a live-in nanny, to help me out with Hannah. And, for the next month or two certainly, it would really ease my mind if someone was just there at the house. In case some complication popped up, or Darren fell down trying to stand up and walk around, or lift something like an idiot or¡ªor, anything, really. You know how stupid my husband is, he got himself shot pulling someone over for a routine stop. I wouldn¡¯t expect you to be responsible for changing his, his piss bottle or whatever you call it, or giving him baths, or waiting on him, or taking care of him, or any of that. That would be weird and completely inappropriate and I wouldn¡¯t put any of that on you. Just, you know¡ªin case of emergencies, if someone was always there who could call. That would just be a huge load off my mind. I¡¯ve already taken a lot of time off work, and I don¡¯t want finances to start getting tight right at Christmas-time. ¡°We¡¯ll still pay you, of course! It won¡¯t be much, but it will be something. And you would be living with us. I understand things at home are¡­ difficult for you, right now. We¡¯re all going to sit down and have a talk with your parents about that. I know you¡¯re just turning fourteen in another week or so, but¡ªTabitha, you sure as hell don¡¯t act like I did when I was your age. Everything I¡¯ve seen you go through, how you¡¯ve handled it all? I trust you, more than anyone else in the world right now. You have a good head on your shoulders, and seeing you getting dealt these raw hands again and again, it just¡­ it really bothers me. If you want or need or even just think about you rather being somewhere else than where you are now¡ªour door is open to you. I want you to just know that, and keep it in your mind.¡± A long moment passed after Mrs. Macintire finished, where they could only hear the sound of the car in motion. ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t know what to say,¡± Tabitha stammered out, completely stunned. ¡°I¡¯m honored, and, and very tempted, but I. I¡¯ll need to think about it. A part of me wants to leap at the opportunity, but then also there¡¯s a part of me that is afraid it would just become an excuse to avoid my family. Avoid tense situations and difficult conversations ahead. Avoid working through and resolving issues that do need resolved, instead of left alone and ignored.¡± ¡°You see? That right there,¡± Sandra Macintire took one hand off the wheel so she could lower her sunglasses just enough to stare at Tabitha. ¡°I know you¡¯re almost fourteen, but Tabitha¡­ you¡¯re not like you¡¯re almost fourteen.¡± ¡°H-hah,¡± Tabitha mumbled out. ¡°I actually get that a lot.¡±
Returning home was a tense affair, and Mrs. Macintire and her little Acura swept her there down the hill and through the clustered little street of mobile homes far more quickly than Tabitha liked. As immature as it sounded, Tabitha just dreaded this. All of this. These constant awkward situations, all of the confrontation, it took a massive toll on her, and she just didn¡¯t want to deal with it anymore. Not for a long while, if she could help it. The Moores were waiting for them, and her parent¡¯s faces appeared and then reappeared in the window overlooking the street as Tabitha uneasily climbed out of the car. For a moment she was even tempted to just ask Mrs. Macintire to drive her away¡ªanywhere, anywhere else but here. The wheel of fraught teenage emotion was turning about with clumsy motion within her, and she hated it. The guilt she felt towards cutting her parents out of the loop made her angry, the anger revolved back around into fear and self-doubt, which in turn fed right back into those sapping pangs of guilt and continued it all in perpetuity. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Unable at this point to even mind her body language, Tabitha hugged both arms against herself, and followed Mrs. Macintire up the porch step to the door with reluctance. The woman knocked, rather than simply ushering Tabitha forward to open it, and then Sandra stepped back and rested a hand on Tabitha¡¯s shoulder. The moment felt weird, and she was just turning her mind towards untangling why when the door to the trailer was wrenched open and Mrs. Moore appeared. ¡°You¡¯re back,¡± Mrs. Moore managed to say. ¡°Good, good¡ªcome in, please.¡± Her heavyset mother¡¯s eyes were wet and she looked out of sorts, stricken. Like she had wanted to rush forward and grab Tabitha up in a hug, but froze up at the sight of Mrs. Macintire. Guilt twinged within her again with such force that Tabitha felt a little sick to her stomach, and she remained in place for a moment, shoulders hunched and arms crossed so that she was holding her cast in front of her. It hurt recognizing that another wheel of suffering seemed to be turning within her mother, and she was afraid to think too much on what familiar ruts that wheel might be falling back into. Or even carving ruts anew¡ªShannon Moore¡¯s old traumas giving way to newer, fresher pain. I wish things hadn¡¯t gotten to this point, Tabitha stepped inside at the invitation, completely unable to shake how fucking awkward it was to have everyone she cared about on edge and wary of each other like this. But, they did get to this point. Here we are. Now we need to deal with it. Mr. Moore was waiting for them just inside the living room, and it upset her to realize he didn¡¯t appear distraught like her mother did. He simply seemed confused and angry, like he was about to launch into a tirade or demand explanations or dash one of their family plates against the wall. Please just don¡¯t, Tabitha prayed. Don¡¯t start. If you get into it, then I¡¯M going to get into it, and Mrs. Macintire¡¯s here and¡ªplease PLEASE Dad just don¡¯t embarrass me¡­ ¡°Tabitha, we need to talk about what all went on last night,¡± Mr. Moore began with a frown. ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re safe. We¡¯re glad you¡¯re safe. But, you takin¡¯ off like that¡ªat that hour, without sayin¡¯ a word to anybody? That¡¯s not okay.¡± ¡°Not okay,¡± Tabitha repeated with a stony face. ¡°Not okay?¡± ¡°No, and you know it¡¯s not,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head in consternation. ¡°Do you have any idea how worried me and your mother were? We were up all night and worried sick. What if something had happened to you?¡± ¡°You were worried,¡± Tabitha put a hand to her forehead and took a deep breath. Arguing with him right now was going to be bad, but maybe conceding any ground would be even worse. ¡°Okay. Tell me¡ªwhat should I have done? Instruct me. What was the best course of action I could have taken, in those circumstances?¡± ¡°Well, you wouldn¡¯t¡ª¡± Mr. Moore appeared angry and flustered already. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve run off like that, that¡¯s not okay. That¡¯s not okay, Tabitha.¡± ¡°So¡ªI should have called the police, but from here?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Without evidence in hand?¡± ¡°No, you shouldn¡¯ta¡ªTabitha this is something we all should¡¯ve sat down and discussed through together as family. Not something you just, you just run out and go right to police for!¡± ¡°Family¡­?¡± Tabitha hissed in a low, quiet voice. ¡°It¡¯s alright, Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Macintire spoke up, stepping closer so that she could take the girl by the shoulders in a show of support. ¡°Everything¡¯s going to be okay¡ªI¡¯ll take it from here. Mr. Moore, are you suggesting you or your family would have intentionally withheld this Lisa woman¡¯s possession of heroin from the authorities?¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m not sayin¡¯ anything like that,¡± Mr. Moore blustered. ¡°We don¡¯t know what all it might¡¯ve been, or, or if it could be some misunderstanding, or¡ª¡± ¡°Did Tabitha tell you that she suspected this woman¡¯s drug abuse?¡± Mrs. Macintire pressed. ¡°Was anything said that would have raised some red flags for you?¡± ¡°No, no, I haven¡¯t had any reason to think Lisa would get into any of that stuff,¡± Mr. Moore denied. ¡°She¡¯s smarter than that, and she¡¯s got four boys for cryin¡¯ out loud, she wouldn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Yes or no, did Tabitha say something to you?¡± Mrs. Macintire cut him off with a wave of her hand¡ªit was clear she was running out of patience for the man. ¡°Anything at all?¡± ¡°Tabby was¡ªshe was upset,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°She didn¡¯t mean it. They¡¯d just gotten riled up at each other, and they were cross at each other for a bit, but that doesn¡¯t suddenly mean Lisa¡¯s a druggie or anything like that all the sudden.¡± ¡°And, if she was a ¡®druggie?¡¯¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°You were willing to take that chance?¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way Lisa was into any of that kind of thing,¡± Mr. Moore refused. ¡°I think once we all have this sorted out, there¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha Honey, can you excuse us for a moment?¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s voice was cold. ¡°To your room, or the bathroom, or¡ªjust give us a few minutes, here.¡± ¡°Oh, um,¡± Tabitha looked between the adults uneasily. ¡°Okay.¡±
Sandra Macintire watched Tabitha carefully tread her way past her parents and on down the hallway that spanned the rear of the mobile home. Maintaining a mask of civility was harder than she thought. She wanted to tear into this idiot and his wife, and she was sure that if Karen were there, these ¡®parents¡¯ would¡¯ve been laid into in a vicious way already. ¡°It¡¯s my understanding that you paid cash to transfer the title of that Cutlass Supreme,¡± Mrs. Macintire began. ¡°If I may ask¡ªhow much money did you give her? This Lisa woman.¡± ¡°We¡ª¡± Mr. Moore exchanged glances with his wife for a moment. ¡°We didn¡¯t transfer the actual title, no. My brother would still have it in there with wherever he kept all his papers. It was just an informal sort of¡­ trade. She needed some money to help get her back on her feet, and she left the car here for us.¡± ¡°Until she just up and took it again,¡± Mrs. Macintre pointed out. ¡°Can you give me a number? How much money?¡± ¡°Sixteen hundred, it¡¯s what we had saved,¡± Mr. Moore admitted. ¡°It¡¯s what we had at the time.¡± ¡°That¡¯s very interesting,¡± Mrs. Macintire remarked in a cool voice. ¡°Can you guess how much the Springton police department valued the heroin they found in this Lisa woman¡¯s purse at?¡± Mr. Moore stared across the room in confusion and disbelief at the woman for a long moment, and eventually Mrs. Macintire decided to simply continue. ¡°There¡¯s about eight grams of heroin that we¡¯re trying to prove was in her possession,¡± Mrs. Macintire revealed. ¡°There was eight grams in her purse that Tabitha took. An entire gram runs about five hundred dollars ¡®on the streets,¡¯ so this Lisa had on her person about four grand worth of heroin.¡± ¡°Trying to prove,¡± Mr. Moore latched on to her phrasing in search of any possible way out. ¡°That don¡¯t mean anything but¡ª¡± ¡°She tested positive for opiates, had visible puncture marks on her arm from needle use, and she passed out and fucking pissed herself on the ride back to the station when one of the officers took her in,¡± Mrs. Macintire went on. ¡°They found out she¡¯d already been charged with possession over in Shelbyville, as well as some other misdemeanors.¡± Mrs. Moore had the good decency to look absolutely horrified, but Mr. Moore remained frozen in place with an incredulous expression. He simply wouldn¡¯t¡ªor maybe couldn¡¯t¡ªbelieve what he was hearing. Sandra recognized that stubborn goddamned willfull ignorance from having seen it on her own parents faces all those years ago, and if anything running into it again just made her more and more furious. ¡°I¡¯ve known an addict or two,¡± Mrs. Macintire said in a low voice. ¡°I¡¯m a city girl, and I grew up in Ohio, for Christ¡¯s sake. Tabitha has settlement money coming her way, more money than most any family expects to see. In this sort of situation, do you realize how easy it would have been for this Lisa woman to get Tabitha hooked on heroin? She¡¯s thirteen fucking years old, socially isolated, and medically vulnerable. She¡¯d be hooked and have the money¡ªLisa would control the supply. Doesn¡¯t that just sound fucking perfect?¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ ridiculous,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head in denial. ¡°There¡¯s no way. Lisa isn¡¯t that kind of person to begin with, and there¡¯s no way my little girl would go in for anything like drugs.¡± ¡°You think she¡¯d have a choice?¡± Mrs. Macintire was growing incredulous at his continued naivete. ¡°You think what, Lisa would explain it all out first? Ask for permission? Tabitha¡¯s just out of the hospital and hurting, Lisa could spin any story she liked. Say ¡®they gave you this for the pain,¡¯ or even ¡®it¡¯s an antibiotic, you have to take it.¡¯ Why let her know before it¡¯s too late?¡± ¡°Why that¡¯s bull-malarkey, and you don¡¯t know a thing about either of them or any of us or how we are,¡± Mr. Moore argued with a raised voice. ¡°You can¡¯t just come in here and, and accuse anyone in this family of this or that nonsense just based on whatever Tabby said when she was in a mood!¡± The slight figure of their teenage daughter chose this moment to come on back down the hallway and rejoin them, and Sandra was thrilled to see that the girl was carrying an overstuffed jean schoolbag. ¡°Dad,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°I¡¯m going to¡­ stay somewhere else for a little while.¡± ¡°No, you¡¯re not,¡± Mr. Moore refused immediately. ¡°Go on back to your room, we¡¯re gonna sit down and talk about all this later. You¡¯re not runnin¡¯ out to who knows where again, absolutely not.¡± ¡°I¡¯m going,¡± Tabitha repeated in a defeated voice. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not,¡± Mr. Moore insisted. ¡°I don¡¯t even know how all this got worked up into this, this¡ªthis big crazy debacle. We¡¯re putting a stop to all this. Please go on back to your room, now. Mrs. Macintire¡ªthank you for bringing Tabby on back, but now I think it¡¯s time for you to leave so we can¡ª¡± ¡°Honey¡­ why don¡¯t we stop and let her speak,¡± Mrs. Moore warned her husband. ¡°She¡¯s been speakin¡¯ enough, and that¡¯s how this big whole mess got to how it has,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head. ¡°Tabitha¡ªI know Lisa disciplining her son like that really rubbed you the wrong way and had you all worked up into a tiffy. But, she¡¯s their mother and that¡¯s¡ª it¡¯s just part of havin¡¯ kids and raisin¡¯ them up sometimes. You¡¯ve always been a good girl, so maybe I think you haven¡¯t really seen that kind of thing for yourself. Lisa loves her kids, and she isn¡¯t some fairytale wicked stepmother or drug hippie or whatever it is story you¡¯ve cooked up in your head about her with your imagination. When you¡¯re grown up you¡¯re gonna be able to understand.¡± That last sentence seemed to be exactly the wrong thing to say, because even through her own outrage and bewildered fascination with Mr. Moore, Mrs Macintire was able to see the dramatic effect those words had on Tabitha. The teenage girl had been worked up with a dozen different emotions and visibly struggling with all of them, and then¡ªnothing. Nothing. At the words when you¡¯re all grown up you¡¯re gonna be able to understand, all of the feeling in Tabitha¡¯s eyes seemed to simply snuff out all at once and there was just nothing. A shiver went went down Mrs. Macintire¡¯s back at witnessing it, and she clenched her car keys with suddenly sweaty hands. Because Jesus H. Christ she was getting this girl the fuck out of here and away from this fucking family. ¡°I¡¯m leaving,¡± Tabitha decided with a small nod to herself. ¡°I¡¯m going to need your permission to stay with the Macintires for¡­ however long that winds up needing to be.¡± ¡°We¡¯re your parents, and you¡¯re not allowed to go any¡ª¡± Mr. Moore began. ¡°You have our permission!¡± Mrs. Moore interrupted her husband with both of her fists, swinging them one after another in unrestrained bashes and almost knocking the man to the floor. The Moore mother was already breaking down into tears. ¡°You have our permission, and¡ªyou stay safe, and¡ªTabitha I¡¯m so sorry, I¡ªI¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, too,¡± Tabitha said in a distant voice. ¡°I¡ªI¡¯m taking the scalloped potatoes. I¡¯ll call and check in when I¡¯m¡ªwhen I become able to. I¡¯m sorry. I love you.¡± With jerky, almost rigid motions Tabitha walked over to their refrigerator and withdrew a glass dish covered with plastic wrap. Whatever this Tabitha girl had made for the prior Thanksgiving with her own family, there looked to still be two-thirds of the cheesy potatoes still there as leftovers, and Mrs. Macintire actually found herself pissed off that these ingrate parents might have enjoyed any at all. Tabitha clutched the dish against her hip with her good hand, pinning the strap of the backpack she had slung on one shoulder with the other, and took one last look around the tiny mobile home. ¡°Dad¡ªwhen you call me and apologize, I¡¯m going to be where I need to be to forgive you,¡± Tabitha stated in a flat voice. ¡°Maybe don¡¯t call too soon.¡± Sandra held the door for her, and they left in silence. The sudden turnabout of the situation honestly gave her chills. She wanted to hug the girl, because Tabitha was absolutely not okay, but instead she simply accepted the glass dish of potatoes from Tabitha so that she didn¡¯t have to struggle with everything. This petite girl with the tangle of red hair wasn¡¯t near tears, she wasn¡¯t choking up with sobs or angry or needing to vent¡ªTabitha Moore was somewhere very, very far away right now, and Sandra Macintire was just going to give her all the time and space she needed. Good Lord up in heaven, what a total mess, Mrs. Macintire sighed. We cannot get the fuck out of here fast enough. Definitely drinking with Karen later tonight, Rob or Matthew can keep an eye on Hannah, or something. If Tabitha wasn¡¯t thirteen, I¡¯d make sure she was right there drinking with us. What does a girl even DO about all of that?
The Thanksgiving dinner was nice. Mrs. Williams was an accomplished host, and her talents extended from preparing the best dinner Tabitha might have ever had to remaining in subtle control of conversation as everyone around the table talked. The woman sensed that Tabitha was withdrawing back into herself even before Tabitha did, and gently pulled attention back away from her whenever someone tried to engage Tabitha in more than a sentence or two. ¡°You¡¯re in ninth grade, Dear?¡± Auntie Carol guessed. ¡°Tenth?¡± ¡°Let her eat, goodness,¡± Mrs. Williams laughed. ¡°She¡¯s just skin and bones. Carol¡ªI take it you¡¯re all caught up on NYPD Blue? Detective Simone¡­¡± Tabitha wanted to blush at the excuse prepared for her, because after just a short five minutes or so into the meal she¡¯d been unable to eat another single bite. She was absolutely stuffed and had kept her head down, fiddling with her fork in the errant bit of gravy that remained on her plate and doing her best to avoid notice. ¡°Oh my God, I couldn¡¯t even believe it,¡± Auntie Carol took the hint and shifted tracks into the new topic with ease. ¡°How¡¯s the show going to even be the same without Jimmy Smits? I mean, when she took the ring, and looks up at him, and Bobby just has tears running down his face? I just lost it!¡± ¡°If watching that scene doesn¡¯t make you choke up every time, why you aren¡¯t even human,¡± Mrs. Williams agreed with a bitter smile, shaking her head. ¡°If they don¡¯t win an Emmy for that, then well, I can¡¯t imagine who will.¡± ¡°Listen to her, NYPD Blue,¡± Mrs. Macintire snorted. ¡°As if she just can¡¯t get her fill of lousy cop drama just from around here in town.¡± ¡°Well, I can¡¯t,¡± Mrs. Williams sniffed. ¡°I¡¯ll take as much as I can get. You should really try watching sometime, it¡¯s just fantastic.¡± ¡°Ahh, it¡¯s all hokey mumbo jumbo,¡± Officer Williams joked. ¡°All of it. Especially all the stuff around Springton PD. It¡¯s like¡ªwho writes this garbage?¡± ¡°Oh, please,¡± Grandma June rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated laugh. ¡°I¡¯ve been sayin¡¯ it, I¡¯ve been sayin¡¯ it for years,¡± Officer Macintire joined in. ¡°Routine stop, my ass.¡± ¡°Darren, language,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed, smacking him across the shoulder. ¡°There¡¯s little ones here.¡± ¡°Cover your ears whenever it looks like your Daddy might say a bad word, Miss Hannah,¡± Mrs. Williams teased. It was apparently an inside-joke Hannah already knew her part in, because still chewing a mouthful of her mashed potatoes, the little girl quickly dropped her spoon and clamped both hands over her ears. The sight evoked a small smile even from Tabitha, but try as she might to muster her spirits¡ªher heart just wasn¡¯t in it. The food here was divine, and she¡¯d perhaps never eaten so much in a single sitting since re-living her life again here. Tabitha felt uncomfortably full, and also completely empty. It wasn¡¯t that hollow ache of depression, it wasn¡¯t numbness, exactly, it was just nothing. As though she¡¯d spent all of her tears and overdrafted her anger, and now all of it was gone and there was nothing left to do but wait until her next emotional paycheck. I don¡¯t even know what that means, Tabitha thought to herself as her smile began to fall. I guess I¡ªI don¡¯t know. I¡¯ve dealt with everything I can, and processed everything I can process, and now I¡¯m waiting on some other awful revelation to drop, or, still waiting on some kind of resolution, or¡ªI really don¡¯t know. It¡¯s all just been a lot of things happening at me, really fast, and then when it¡¯s like this and everything¡¯s done¡­ what happens now? I have no idea. Where I wound up is way outside the framework of what I knew before or anything I planned for. Just. Here I am. I guess. But, I also just can¡¯t¡­ immediately adapt to it. The topics of discussion shifted around and Tabitha listened with detached interest, too hesitant to contribute and feel the awful weight of everyone¡¯s attention turn towards her. The talk was all light and easy to follow¡ªalthough the Williams family seemed to be central to many of the local communities and their goings-on, Mrs. Williams adjusted direction of the chatting away from that gossip after each shallow foray into it for the benefit of Carol and June, who were visiting from Indiana. Karen Williams was in her element and had an excellent grasp of everyone¡¯s differences and commonalities, ensuring that talk swung around naturally so that each of them could participate on their subjects of interest. Mrs. Williams and her sister-in-law Carol somehow found time to watch a ton of television and kept pace with what must have been ten or twelve different programs. Both of the visiting relatives were eager to hear how Matthew was doing in school, which usually managed to pull Officer William¡¯s attention away from talking football with Officer Macintire. Hannah was adorable and asking for the seven year old¡¯s opinion on grown-up topics was a constant source of amusement to everyone at the table. Mrs. Macintire in turn did actually still work at the safety plant in this timeline, which surprised Tabitha more than it should have. The woman didn¡¯t seem to have as high a position in the plant¡¯s office as she had when Tabitha knew her as Mrs. Crow, but her working there at all was already outside of expectations. ¡°They even have me on the production line here and there helping out this winter,¡± Mrs. Macintire let out a sigh of aggravation. ¡°It¡¯s such a mess. This is the slow season, there just aren¡¯t really any orders coming in. So, we cut off all the temp workers, and just have the plant running on this, this skeleton crew. In theory just to, you know, get ahead on producing certain parts for harnesses for this summer when we get really slammed. Just, the thing is¡ªyou can¡¯t just pull apart a full production line like that down to seven people. That¡¯s not how it works, and I swear most of the office just does not understand that.¡± ¡°Good lord,¡± Officer Williams shook his head in dismay. ¡°So, there¡¯s parts of production getting done, but none of it¡¯s connected,¡± Mrs. Macintire threw her hands up. ¡°It¡¯s not connecting. It¡¯s like a connect-the-dots that¡¯s supposed to turn into this big picture¡ªbut they took most of the ¡®dots¡¯ out to ramp back hours for the slow season¡ªand then they¡¯re just baffled that what¡¯s left over doesn¡¯t quite wind up painting the same complete picture. It¡¯s unbelievable.¡± ¡°And then from what you¡¯ve said, you just can¡¯t keep up in the summertime,¡± Mrs. Williams remarked. ¡°Seems like no way to run a business.¡± ¡°It¡¯s always a new batch of temp workers, and they¡¯ve all gotta be trained up from scratch,¡± Mrs. Macintire complained. ¡°It saves us a ton in not having to pay out proper salaries, but the cost in time and efficiency is just¡ªit¡¯s ridiculous. It isn¡¯t any way to run a business. The industry didn¡¯t used to be like this.¡± Hearing her talk about it had Tabitha rising back up and on the edge of her seat, almost burning to give them her own input about the safety plant. But, she couldn¡¯t. She¡¯d never worked there in this lifetime. Keeping the plant staffed and operating at all was a total revolving door clusterfuck, Tabitha wanted to say. Most of the old hands treated the new hires like absolute shit. The girls running stitches on the sewing line actually WORKED maybe two hours of their eight hour shifts, and just milked the clock gossiping and bullshitting and wandering around for coffee or bathroom breaks all day. Plant manager can¡¯t get them in line because he¡¯s sleeping with so-and-so. Foreman can¡¯t say anything because he¡¯s fooling around with whoever. Tabitha had been hired on full-time on merit, because there was miles and miles of slack that needed picked up. It had made the dismissive way everyone there had treated her rankle, it made the nepotism hires that did as little work as possible infuriating, and worst of all¡ª there was no way she could vent about it here. Frustrations and agreement to mirror what Mrs. Macintire was saying filled her mouth, but each and every bit she would have to just swallow back down. ¡°Well, we¡¯ve been saying¡ªMatthew wants a car, he¡¯s gonna have to work for it,¡± Officer Williams commented. ¡°We¡¯ll get him there through that temp agency so he can work through it this summer, give you guys a hand maybe.¡± ¡°I was thinking more like a pizza place, or Food Lion or something,¡± Matthew appeared to blanch at having his summer decided for him. ¡°Working to stock shelves or something. Like, I do want to work, but I¡¯d rather it be with people my own age. No offense or anything, hah.¡± ¡°Ehh, work a job for teenagers, and you¡¯ll get paid like a teenager,¡± Officer Macintire threw in his two cents. ¡°I¡¯d say go for a Midas or Mighty Auto, or Autoshack or Autozone or whatever they are now. Learn your parts, and then go from there into servicing and all that real money.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right,¡± Auntie Carol remarked. ¡°How¡¯s Little Caesar¡¯s or Pizza Hut going to want to hire you before you get your own car?¡± ¡°The place he really wants to work¡ªbut doesn¡¯t wanna bring up¡ªis Family Video,¡± Mrs. Williams revealed, rolling her eyes. ¡°No I don¡¯t,¡± Matthew denied with a blush. ¡°They don¡¯t need anyone else anyways.¡± ¡°Family Video?¡± Auntie Carol pursed her lips. ¡°Springton doesn¡¯t have a proper Blockbuster?¡± ¡°His girlfriend works there,¡± Mrs. Williams confided in a loud whisper. ¡°She¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like Matthew¡¯s girlfriend!¡± Hannah insisted with a pout. ¡°I don¡¯t like her.¡± ¡°Yes, you do,¡± Matthew reminded her. ¡°It¡¯s Casey. You like Casey, remember?¡± ¡°Oh, her,¡± Hannah paused in realization. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ okay. I thought you were talking about somebody else.¡± ¡°Some other girlfriend?¡± Mrs. Macintire teased. ¡°You remember Casey bought a Happy Meal with you?¡± Matthew asked. ¡°You each got Happy Meals, but then she gave you both of the toys?¡± ¡°She¡¯s okay,¡± Hannah admitted with obvious reluctance. ¡°But only okay,¡± Mrs. Williams chuckled. ¡°He can do way better, right?¡± ¡°Mom¡ª¡± Matthew warned. ¡°I turn thirteen in just a few years,¡± Hannah argued her case. ¡°I¡¯m almost old enough.¡± ¡°Hannah, Honey,¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed. ¡°You¡¯re seven years old! Thirteen is quite a few years away.¡± ¡°Not really,¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°I¡¯m almost eight. And eight¡¯s almost thirteen.¡± ¡°Speaking of which¡ªour Tabitha here has a birthday coming up real soon,¡± Mrs. Williams announced, in a rare moment drawing everyone¡¯s attention to their most quiet guest. ¡°December tenth, wasn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I¡¯ll be fourteen.¡± ¡°Huh, that¡¯s pretty soon,¡± Officer Macintire remarked. Tabitha had been so caught up in simply observing the conversation that she hadn¡¯t been prepared to suddenly be on the spot participating in it again. It appeared there were limits on how far into the background Mrs. Williams was willing to let Tabitha fade. Still, Tabitha was fine with that¡ªit wasn¡¯t as though she was feeling distraught or emotional or anything right now, just out of place and a little lost. ¡°Hmm, and what does Miss Tabitha want for her birthday?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked, giving Tabitha an interested look. ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha¡¯s mind went blank. ¡°Um. I don¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t think that, uh, that I should have any expectations.¡± The sudden silence around the Thanksgiving dinner table was absolutely deafening, and the strange looks several of the parents exchanged threw Tabitha into an immediate fluster. ¡°Not, no, not in a bad way or like that,¡± Tabitha quickly amended. ¡°I¡¯m well taken care of, and, uh, provided for. I was, I mean. There¡ªit¡¯s that there isn¡¯t anything I need, or anything.¡± ¡°It¡¯s alright, Honey,¡± Mrs. Williams assured her with a strained smile. ¡°We¡¯ll just have to surprise you!¡± 40, Black Friday. The rest of the Thanksgiving evening passed by Tabitha in a blur, because a large part of her mind seemed to have already checked out for the day. The helpless loop of anger and frustration she¡¯d been trapped in seemed absent now, the fear and anxiety were muted, and with all of the emotional substance drained away, it was as though she were watching some other Tabitha move about on autopilot with polite responses and mechanical movements. When Mrs. Williams suggested Tabitha watch some television with Hannah while the grown-ups talked, she complied without a thought. She sat on a plush couch while the seven-year-old Macintire girl leaned up against her side, and Nickelodeon cartoons played out across the screen of the Williams¡¯ giant rear-projection TV. The situation wasn¡¯t awkward, anymore, it was just¡ªit was nothing. Disjointed segments of Doug passed by Tabitha in a daze of meaningless noise, interspersed with those over-the-top nineties children''s commercials. It didn¡¯t feel real. Before she realized it, Doug had transitioned into Rugrats, and Rugrats likewise gave way to The Wild Thornberries. Tabitha didn¡¯t even notice Matthew and Auntie Carol joining them on the couch until Mrs. Macintire came by and started scolding Hannah for starting new cans of soda before she¡¯d finished her previous ones. Matthew¡¯s presence hadn¡¯t even registered, another teenager was sitting right there with her, a really cute boy no less, but unlike that weird rush she¡¯d felt when talking with Bobby the other day, here Tabitha just felt¡ªnothing. Her gaze wandered about without meeting anyone¡¯s eyes, and her thought processes that had been churning and roiling with nonstop exhausting activity for the past several days seemed to have lurched to a stop. There was simply a disconnect cutting her off from experiencing the rest of the night. She didn¡¯t realize Hannah was pestering her with questions until Mrs. Macintire intervened and asked the little girl to give her space. She didn¡¯t think about anything else she heard the various adults say when they talked, because she was listening but not listening; nothing entered into her consideration. It was a strange and ultimately surreal experience, because it wasn¡¯t that her attention was elsewhere, it was that her attention was simply nowhere at all. When the night eventually wrapped up, Tabitha rigidly went through the motions of heartfelt goodbyes with the Williams family with neither heart nor feeling, and then she was riding with the Macintires to their home. ¡°You holdin¡¯ up okay, Miss Tabitha?¡± Officer Macintire asked, craning his neck to give her another worried look. ¡°Awful quiet back there.¡± ¡°Leave them be,¡± Mrs. Macintire chided him from the driver¡¯s seat. ¡°Quiet¡¯s fine. Sheesh.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± Tabitha reported. ¡°I actually just¡­ I¡¯m shutting down, I actually don¡¯t feel anything at all, right now.¡± ¡°She needs time to, to¡­ process,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°It¡¯s been a day. You leave her be.¡± ¡°Alright, alright,¡± the Officer chuckled, trying to turn further in his seat so that he could check on Hannah. ¡°Stop that, just¡ªsit there, alright?¡± Mrs. Macintire griped in a playful voice. ¡°Jesus, you¡¯re like a little kid. Just sit there normally and don¡¯t move around, you¡¯re going to pop your stitches or something.¡± ¡°Will not,¡± Officer Macintire scoffed. ¡°You¡¯re makin¡¯ light of Doctor Diana¡¯s needlework¡ªI¡¯ve been trying to pop a stitch for days, now. Still haven¡¯t managed to get a single one.¡± ¡°Daddy, stop,¡± Hannah¡¯s exasperation was in mimicry of her mother¡¯s voice. ¡°You¡¯re like a little kid.¡± ¡°I am not! These stitches¡¯re good, they¡¯re gonna last longer¡¯n I will,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°Should¡¯ve seen if I could pay her extra, got her to embroider in Hannah¡¯s name or something. What do you think, Hannah Banana? Be even better than that tattoo mommy won¡¯t let me get.¡± ¡°Daddy, stop,¡± Hannah sounded cross, now. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s upset, so just¡ªlet¡¯s just play the quiet game, okay?¡± Upset? It was the first thing that somewhat stirred Tabitha out of her detachment, and she blinked at the little girl in surprise through the darkness as shifting orange light from street lamps passed by the Macintire¡¯s little Acura Integra. The irony of Hannah pulling the quiet game card on her own parents should have been amusing, but more than anything she was surprised by how sensitive Hannah was to reading the moods of people around her. Tabitha reached over and took Hannah¡¯s little hand in her own. ¡°I¡¯m not upset, or in a bad mood,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°I¡¯m just tired, and¡­ needed a break from some things, and so I¡¯m just taking a break. Your daddy can be silly all he likes, okay? It doesn¡¯t bother me at all!¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Hannah said, regarding her with all the grave sincerity a seven-year-old girl can possibly muster. ¡°I¡¯m tired, too. So¡ªso we can all just play the quiet game.¡± This time both Sandra and Darren Macintire twisted in their seats to stare, and that seemed to incense Hannah even further. ¡°What?¡± Hannah demanded. ¡°I can be quiet!¡± From where she sat behind the driver¡¯s seat Tabitha couldn¡¯t see Mrs. Macintire¡¯s expression, but she did catch a bit of the husband¡¯s smile in one of the flashes of passing light. It was pretty late now and Hannah seemed to be getting genuinely grumpy, but all the same Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but be touched by how protective the little girl was of her. Hannah was adorable and she was spoiled, she was bratty and she was wonderful. Hannah was her little savior that had pulled her back into this timeline when she¡¯d briefly lost her way in those fever dreams. In any other time, Tabitha¡¯s thoughts would have tumbled down a rabbithole of trying to pull apart the psychology of it all¡ªwere these the dreaded maternal feelings coming on, or was she romanticizing this idea of childlike innocence? Or, was Hannah a character foil meant to contrast Tabitha¡¯s unhealthy bouts of cynicism from beyond her years? Instead, Tabitha simply held Hannah¡¯s hand with a small smile as they drove on into the darkness¡ªfor now not thinking about anything at all.
When they arrived at the Macintire home, Sandra helped her husband inside while Hannah tugged Tabitha along. She was guided inside and down a hallway, shown a bathroom and a large guest room¡ªlarge compared to her room at the mobile home in the lower park, anyways¡ªand any further observations regarding the Macintire home were cut off, because Tabitha really was tired. Even after sleeping in ¡®til late afternoon, and simply sitting quietly with the two families for most of Thanksgiving day. Tabitha¡¯s body insisted on claiming up every ounce of rest that was on offer, because the manic energy that had kept her upright while trying to figure out what to do with the Lisa problem had wrung her out. Now it seemed like she was back to that lethargic, slow-moving post-surgery level of function. Tabitha dropped her bag beside the guest room¡¯s bed, she brushed her teeth with the brand new toothbrush that Mrs. Williams had foisted off on her before leaving the Williams¡¯ place, and she used the bathroom. Then, Tabitha climbed back into the offered bed and sunk down into the softness of the unfamiliar pillow and the warmth of strange blankets, letting her consciousness drain away.
After a whirlwind morning tour of the Macintire¡¯s large suburban home, Tabitha only had one meaningful impression thus far¡ªthat there were toys and stuffed animals literally everywhere. In the living room, a three-story dollhouse had been repurposed into a stable full of the classic-style My Little Ponies, while three Barbies and a Ken were drunkenly jammed into a broken pink convertible with a missing windshield. A pair of motorized Furbies sat with half-lidded eyes atop the tube TV in the entertainment center, their batteries apparently dead. Rainbow Bright, Winnie the Pooh, a small band of wild-haired Trolls, and a scattering of Beanie Babies were strewn across the sofa. Disney storybooks from what must have been an enormous matching set were piled about everywhere, the familiar titles no doubt contributing to Hannah¡¯s near-encyclopedic knowledge of the franchise. Happy meal toys, playmobil people figurines, and plastic food of every kind could be seen, and not one but two big plastic kitchenette playsets, as well as a stylized grocery store counter with a little conveyer belt and register. Tabitha even noticed a child-sized shopping cart, so jammed full of other toys that she guessed an overwhelmed Mrs. Macintire had taken to dumping errant things there simply to keep things from being underfoot. No surface was free from Hannah¡¯s overwhelming collection of material things, even the bathroom turned out to be cluttered with makeup sets and fake jewelry and princess tiaras along the vanity, while a heap of brightly colored plastic tugboats and foam fish pool toys and play cups crowded the floor beside the bathtub. It was one thing to be told Hannah was spoiled, and another thing entirely to really experience that fact with her own eyes as an indisputable truth. Tabitha honestly felt shell-shocked by it all. Her experience visiting her cousins and seeing their sometimes messy array of action figures and toy guns everywhere simply did not prepare her for this¡ªthere were four of them, while Hannah¡¯s single presence upon the Macintire home was overwhelming, oppressive, like a girl¡¯s toy aisle realm was encroaching in upon their reality. ¡°You don¡¯t even have to say it,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head in dismay as she placed a selection of cereal boxes on the table for the girls to choose from. ¡°I know. I know.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ wow,¡± Tabitha let out a helpless laugh. Toys aside, the dining room here was bright and spacious, with ample light pouring in from both a big sliding glass door and bay windows with actual windowseats. Tabitha fell in love with the windowseats at first sight and intended to curl up in one those nooks with a book at the earliest opportunity. There was just so much room everywhere, it was going to take some adjusting to how much empty volume there was here after acclimating herself to the cramped confines of a trailer for the past half year, but overall¡ªTabitha was thrilled to be here. Something about the atmosphere back at the William¡¯s residence had been a little too stiff and upper class for her liking, and it had given her a sense that Karen Williams was meticulous in the particular arrangement of each and every little piece of decor, that much of the furniture and antiques were to be seen but not actually used in day-to-day life. By comparison, the Macintire¡¯s place here felt comfortable and lived in, messy in a casual way that put Tabitha at ease. ¡°What¡¯s wow?¡± Hannah asked, looking up from the small pile of Disney picturebooks she¡¯d gathered at the table to show Tabitha. ¡°These?¡± ¡°You just eat your breakfast, sweet pea,¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed. ¡°I swear it didn¡¯t used to be this bad. I spoil her a little bit, but I¡¯m the voice of reason, here. Her daddy¡¯s got no restraint, can¡¯t seem to ever put his foot down and say no, and don¡¯t even get me started on Karen¡ªshe wanted a little girl, but they could only have Matthew.¡± ¡°I just have two moms,¡± Hannah boasted. ¡°Mommy is like my mom, and then Momma Williams is like my mom, too.¡± ¡°No I¡¯m not like your mom, I am your mom, you little hooligan,¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed, plopping down into the seat across from them. ¡°You see what I put up with?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do what I can to help manage everything,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°Hannah, which of these would you like for breakfast?¡± ¡°Ummmm¡ª¡± Hannah stared. ¡°Fruit Loops and Frosted Flakes. Fruit Loops for breakfast, Frosted Flakes for the back.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha nodded, rising up from her seat to situate one cereal box to Hannah¡¯s side so that she could look at the illustrations and puzzles on the back, then pouring the other cereal into her little bowl. ¡°No milk?¡± ¡°No milk,¡± Hannah shook her head. ¡°I don¡¯t like milk.¡± ¡°She does like milk, she likes chocolate milk, and strawberry milk,¡± Mrs. Macintire explained in embarrassment. ¡°But not in her cereal, she¡¯s¡ªshe just eats it dry.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I¡¯ll have¡ªif it¡¯s okay, I¡¯ll just have some toast?¡± ¡°Honey, you treat anything you see in that fridge like your own, okay?¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°I mean, anything non-alcoholic, hah. Oh, and hon you might have to play with the little toaster dial a bit, Darren likes his set at burnt to a crisp.¡± ¡°Burnt to a crisp!¡± Hannah repeated with a giggle. ¡°Burnt to a crisp. Gross.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said, crossing the kitchen to inspect the device. ¡°You just saved my breakfast! And, then is it alright if I do dishes afterwards, or¡ª?¡± ¡°Whoa, there, missy,¡± Mrs. Macintire sagged slightly in her seat. ¡°Let¡¯s not¡ªlisten, I¡¯d appreciate it to bits if you can help look after Hannah, but you are not our maidservant, or anything like that. We¡¯ll¡­ well we¡¯ll figure out how we want to do things as we go, but for now while you¡¯re just first settling in, let¡¯s just treat you like you¡¯re a guest, okay? I don¡¯t want you feeling like you¡¯re obligated to¡ªwell, do anything right now. You are not Cinderella, here.¡± ¡°What¡¯s wrong with Cinderella?¡± Hannah interjected in surprise. ¡°I like Cinderella.¡± ¡°Hannah Honey¡ªif she¡¯s like Cinderella slaving away doing all the chores for us, then that means we¡¯re like the wicked mean stepfamily that makes her do everything for us,¡± Mrs. Macintire explained. ¡°Do you want to be like the wicked stepfamily?¡± ¡°I can help do stuff,¡± Hannah insisted, hesitating a moment. ¡°What kind of stuff? Dishes are gross.¡± ¡°I¡¯m honored that you¡¯ve taken me into your home, and helping out in any way that I can will ease my conscience,¡± Tabitha said with a wry smile as she singled out slices of bread from the Macintire¡¯s breadbox. ¡°I¡¯ll feel terribly guilty if I¡¯m nothing but a burden.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªplease don¡¯t take this the wrong way, but that¡¯s not normal,¡± Mrs. Macintire squinted her eyes in playful suspicion. ¡°Thirteen year old girls don¡¯t speak quite so¡­ eloquently? In my experience?¡± ¡°Ah, it must be the onset of that fourteenth year coming up on me,¡± Tabitha teased as she inserted a pair of bread slices and then examined the dial on the toaster. ¡°But, um. In all seriousness¡ªspeaking in a more formal manner is my own¡­ subconscious mechanism for managing stress. ¡°My mother was studying to be an actress in her early life, I endeavor to become an author, so creating roles, and stepping into them¡ªI think it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s something like a role for myself I created, a buffer that helps keep the world at arm¡¯s length. When things just become too difficult for me to bear, but I have no choice but to weather on regardless. That¡¯s not to mean in a way that reflects poorly on you! I¡¯m just, I¡¯m going through a lot right now, and¡ª¡± ¡°Hun, stop, stop,¡± Mrs. Macintire waved her down. ¡°I know what you meant. God damnit. You¡¯re gonna make me cry, and it¡¯s way too early in the morning for me to start crying, alright? Hannah¡ªlook at this, I was just tryin¡¯ to get you a nanny to help look after you, but we pulled in a real-life Disney princess.¡± ¡°She¡¯s just like Princess Ariel,¡± Hannah nodded, wobbling the cereal box she was reading forward at an angle. ¡°She looks like Princess Ariel, but she can talk, too.¡± ¡°Yep, she sure can talk, she talks just like a victorian duchess,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°Look! Hannah, look! Look at her face going red! Aww, honey, you speak beautifully. You don¡¯t have to explain yourself, and you don¡¯t have to be embarrassed. Here¡¯s to hoping some of that proper ladylike diction rubs off on little Hannah, okay?¡± ¡°My face isn¡¯t red,¡± Tabitha protested, feeling her cheeks burn. ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled, standing up and crossing the room to grab a handset phone from its receiver dock on the kitchen counter. ¡°Well, listen. I know you probably just need some time to settle in here, but first thing¡¯s first¡ªTabitha, I¡¯d like you to make a few calls.¡±
¡°Is this a good idea?¡± Tabitha asked with a wince. ¡°This¡­ this isn¡¯t a good idea.¡± ¡°Good idea? No,¡± Mrs. Macintire puffed. ¡°Great idea? Absolutely.¡± Tabitha was on the edge of her seat in Sandra¡¯s Acura where it was idling beside the curb of the broad plaza. There was clearly no more parking available, people were everywhere, and all because someone had determined not to let Tabitha spend her time brooding in teenage angst over recent events. What¡¯s so wrong with brooding?! Tabitha had protested in exasperation and amusement. I swear, a girl can¡¯t even let out a helpless sigh and then gaze off into the distance, anymore! Hannah had giggled at that, but though Mrs. Macintire had smiled, her that¡¯s right, you can¡¯t in reply had been firm. The solution¡ªto her surprise¡ªwas shopping with friends. Tabitha was tasked with calling up both Alicia and Elena on the phone, and with a suspicious lack of issues or complications, a full day at the Sandboro mall with her friends had been arranged. While thrilled to spend time with them, a big part of Tabitha was just so far out of her element that this sudden trip felt a little like being cast out of a frying pan and into a fire. What had at first seemed like a simple meetup at the mall somehow became an outing, to the extent that Mrs. Macintire offered Tabitha her array of makeup in the master bedroom¡¯s bath and wanted to know if she needed help with her hair. The weather felt unseasonably warm for late November, so even though the skies were overcast and gray outside it was in the high sixties and too warm to warrant wearing a sweatshirt. Sandra had talked her into wearing the prettiest blouse discovered in Tabitha¡¯s bag¡ªa white ensemble with delicate floral embroidery which gave way at the shoulders to a see-through mesh featuring floating white lace. Even despite Tabitha explaining in a fluster that no, the blouse wasn¡¯t expensive, that the top was simply a discounted bridesmaid¡¯s dress cropped off at the waist, it seemed to really impress the Macintire mother, who refused to stop admiring it and remarking upon just how gosh darn fashionable the garment was. The seven-year-old Hannah was transfixed, dancing around her in excitement, dashing back and forth across the house to offer her plastic jewelry and accessories, and finally the little girl mimicked dramatically swooning away at the sight of Tabitha. Both mother and daughter agreed that Tabitha looked just like an angel, and she had maybe never felt more embarrassed in her entire life. I do look¡­ maybe okay? Tabitha had shared a worried glance with her reflection in the mirror. Hun¡ªyou look way more than okay, Mrs. Macintire and Hannah on either side of her in the mirror seemed entirely too smug about it. It¡¯s mostly coincidence! Tabitha had protested. The way the lace at the shoulders forms a patterned edge does look a little bit like feathering, it is a LITTLE BIT angelic. My current disastrous shade of pale compliments the white in a weird way, and then that makes the my red hair seem more¡­ striking and vivid than usual. Even that¡¯s probably just the nice lighting you have in your bathroom here! I¡¯m used to the low-wattage light bulbs we had in the trailer that cast everything in dim yellows, it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s really amazing what a difference seeing yourself in a completely new light, so to speak¡­ The modified thriftstore blouse paired nicely with a rather casual pair of bleached-white jeans she¡¯d had the foresight to pack, but Tabitha¡¯s worn-out sneakers had been outright rejected by Mrs. Macintire, insisting they did her entire outfit a disservice. After awkwardly being led past an amused Officer Macintire still grounded to bedrest in the master bedroom, the walk-in closet there had been raided until a dainty pair of white slip-on sandals was selected for her. The entire dress-up experience had been strange but not entirely unwelcome, and with a dash of makeup and a few minutes addressing her hair, Tabitha¡¯s appearance was now Hannah approved. ¡°Won¡¯t it be, well¡ªsuper busy?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Crazy crowds, like, black Friday crowds?¡± ¡°Little busier, sure,¡± Sandra shrugged. ¡°But, that¡¯s for a reason! Lot of great deals at the mall, it¡¯s the best day of the year to shop. There¡¯s nothing to worry about¡ªor, wait a minute, is this about money? Oh, hon, you don¡¯t need to worry about money, because we¡¯re giving you money to spend.¡± ¡°Oh, no¡ªI couldn¡¯t take your money,¡± Tabitha paled. ¡°I really don¡¯t think I can¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah, well¡ªtough,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°This is¡ªconsider it an advance, alright?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s¡ªI¡¯m fine,¡± Tabitha protested. ¡°I have some of my own money that I¡¯ve saved, there¡¯s no reason to¡ª¡± ¡°Mm-hmm, how much?¡± Mrs. Macintire glanced over the edge of her aviator sunglasses at the girl. ¡°Enough,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°More than enough.¡± ¡°Tabitha honey¡ªlisten,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°Don¡¯t fight me on this. Karen peeked in your little wallet last night. You have seventeen dollars in there, that won¡¯t even buy you a pair of jeans. I¡¯m a pushy person, I have to be. Everything you¡¯ve been through, it¡¯s¡­ hell, it¡¯s weighing on my conscience, so today¡ªtoday I want to remove you as far away from your problems as I can. Just let you be a normal teenage girl for a little bit, do some shopping and hang out with your friends. Retail therapy.¡± ¡°Did¡ª¡± Tabitha began with a weak smile. ¡°So, Mrs. Williams put you up to this?¡± ¡°Partly,¡± Mrs. Macintire admitted. ¡°My plan for this is way better than hers, though. She was gonna have Matthew take you around wherever you wanted to go, let him drive her car today. It¡¯s like, Karen¡ªthe boy has a girlfriend, already. Let him spend time with his girlfriend, you can¡¯t just pair him off with another girl just ¡®cause it¡¯s convenient!¡± ¡°Oh, oof,¡± Tabitha grimaced. ¡°Yeah, that would have been¡­ awkward.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll probably run into him and Casey today anyways, they¡¯re taking Hannah around the mall. They¡¯re very specifically not going to be intrusive, but they¡¯re maybe gonna check in on you guys and make sure you¡¯re doing okay here and there. Okay?¡± ¡°Um, oh,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Then, should¡ª¡± ¡°Here,¡± Mrs. Macintire interrupted, drawing a bank envelope of alarming thickness from her purse and pushing it towards Tabitha. ¡°Money.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªno, no, I can¡¯t,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°That¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s your money,¡± Mrs. Macintire insisted, pushing it into Tabitha¡¯s hands. ¡°Karen and I put it together, we¡¯re getting a bank account sorted out for you with your mother sometime today or tomorrow. Or¡ªshit, Monday, I guess. Your settlement money¡¯s ready¡ªkind of¡ªjust, it¡¯s tied up in red tape for a bit and won¡¯t be available in its entirety ¡®til after the holidays, probably. So, this is a tiny little bit of your money, from your settlements, here for you in advance. Okay? Six hundred dollars.¡± ¡°That¡¯s too much!¡± Tabitha blurted out before the extravagant sum even really hit her. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªno no no, that¡¯s way too much money! Mrs. Macintire¡ªI can¡¯t, I really can¡¯t. Sixty dollars would have been too much. I don¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, stop,¡± Mrs. Macintire took her by the shoulders. ¡°It¡¯s okay. Honey, it¡¯s okay. I know it seems like a lot, but it¡¯ll be gone before you know it. I want you to¡ªno, stop and listen to me¡ªI want you to pick out some shoes and some new clothes, okay? You just have that one little bag you took from your parent¡¯s place, and that isn¡¯t enough. Okay? You need shoes, outfits, underwear, everything. If you want toothpaste that isn¡¯t sickening bubblegum crap, if you want shampoo that isn¡¯t Hannah¡¯s L¡¯Oreal Kids shampoo¡ªyou pick out whatever you like, okay? You take¡­ let¡¯s say half of that money, and you be as responsible with it as you like. ¡°The other half? I want you to spend completely goddamn frivolously,¡± Mrs. Macintire commanded in a stern voice. ¡°Really, treat yourself. Take your friends out to eat, load up on snacks or candy or anything. Pick out some Christmas presents for people, grab some games or books or movies or whatever it is will keep you sane when you¡¯re back at the house cooped up looking after Hannah all the time. I know it seems like a lot of money, I realize that¡ªbut¡ªhoney, this is yours, and it¡¯s long overdue. Trust me.¡± ¡°Then,¡± Tabitha paused, finally looking up from the fat envelope. ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Macintire.¡± ¡°You¡¯re welcome,¡± Mrs. Macintire gave her a brilliant smile and a little squeeze before letting her go. ¡°Oh, and¡ªdon¡¯t you dare get into calling me ¡®Mrs. Macintire¡¯ all the time, it makes me sound old. You can call me mom if you want, because I¡¯m a mom, even if I¡¯m not your mom, and that¡¯s still fine. Sandra or Sandy will also do. Do not call me Cassandra, you won¡¯t get to be mad at me enough to do that, I hope.¡± ¡°I¡ªI can¡¯t call you mom,¡± Tabitha said, giving the woman a helpless look. ¡°You¡¯re just too young.¡± ¡°Oh, stop,¡± Mrs. Macintire beamed, cuffing Tabitha on the shoulder. ¡°Look at you, my awful husband¡¯s rubbing off on you already. Jesus Christ. Go on, get out of here, shoo! You¡¯re not welcome back home until you¡¯ve spent every cent of that, so get to it, little lady.¡± Then, Tabitha hopped out of the car and was off. As a result of the morning¡¯s unrelenting battery of compliments and praise that Tabitha felt surely must border on brainwashing, she was still blushing a bit. Self-conscious now in a weird good way as she hopped up the curb and crossed the walkway, weaving around passersby to the entrance of the Sandboro mall. She felt¡­ strange, different. More receptive to all of the kind words, and less ready to immediately disregard or reject them on reflex. Rather than the wayward soul who had exercised and starved herself into a gangly, unfamiliar teen at the start of high school, Tabitha felt like she¡¯d grown into herself a bit, become more comfortable in her body. This is what you imagine a proper do-over SHOULD be, Tabitha thought to herself. It should feel like this, it should be more of a free and open feeling, the feeling of being reborn with new chances. A fresh start. Not mired in all of the old nonsense issues and heartache. I love my family, I really do. But¡ªI needed space, I needed THIS. Family issues weren¡¯t something she was capable of resolving right now, and now they¡¯d finally¡ªfinally been set aside. It was weird even being able to do that while she was still just getting into her mid-teens. To seemingly pause that entire messy narrative with one unseen finger holding her place in that book, and take a break to do something else, be somewhere else. Everything felt different. After being stifled for weeks and weeks, she was finally out away from it all, in the fresh air where she could breathe for once. One of the women walking in front of her paused to hold open one of the inner set of double-doors for Tabitha, and Tabitha thanked her with a nervous grin. Carefully cradling the thick bank envelope against herself with her cast, Tabitha stepped inside the mall and was immediately dazzled by all of the sights. Shoppers were everywhere, filling the areas with crowds of coming and going people, and standing what must have been an impressive forty feet tall in the center of the indoor plaza was an enormous Christmas tree. Likewise garlands of green and tinsel decorated the nearby escalator edges, holiday banners and multicolored lights hung down from the railing of the upper level overlooks, and an assortment of giant christmas-ornament like balls had been suspended from the skylights in the grand open space. Each timid step forward into the gargantuan promenade of the shopping mall filled Tabitha with the bubbling energy of excitement, and these steps slowed as she turned this way and that to simply gawk at what she was seeing. There was an indescribable allure to this place that drew her, a magic that danced in the air. She was a teenage girl in the nineties, and she was at the mall¡ªeverything about this place seemed tailored specifically to appeal to budding teen sensibilities. In her time spent in this second chance at life Tabitha had cultivated a sixth sense for things that teased out the nascent thrill of nostalgia and that hard to pin feel of a youth-gone-by¡ªbeing here in the Sandboro Mall overwhelmed that sense in capacities she hadn¡¯t even realized she possessed. ¡°Oh wow,¡± Tabitha mouthed, unable to stop marveling at it all. ¡°Tabs!¡± Alicia cried out with a dazzling smile. ¡°Hey, what¡¯s up! It¡¯s been like, forever!¡± ¡°Alicia, Elena, hi!¡± Tabitha exclaimed in a squeak. ¡°I missed you guys!¡± The dark-skinned Alicia had pulled her hair into a dramatic one-side ponytail that seemed to simply explode out into frizzy volume. It was a cool retro sort of daring that suited Alicia perfectly, and Tabitha found herself in awe of it¡ªjealous and proud and amused by the look all at once. It was a very nineties style, but here in the actual nineties Alicia could simply get away with it without it seeming like a nineties style¡ªTabitha almost felt cheated. To her surprise and amazement, Alicia turned out to be dressed up fancy just as much as Tabitha was, wearing the cream-colored top Tabitha had gifted her, this time layered beneath a dark brown overall dress with wide pockets. While Alicia¡¯s outfit came off as incredibly cute, the raven-haired Elena trailing behind was positively chic gothic in all somber black, wearing a Nightmare before Christmas sweatshirt with the hood up. Tabitha would have summed up Elena¡¯s look as scene girl or emo, except that here in 1998 skinny jeans weren¡¯t in vogue just yet. Instead, Elena wore brand new black JNCO jeans, the pantlegs so wide and baggy that at first glance she¡¯d assumed her friend was wearing a dress. Another moment of observation revealed that beneath her half-zipped sweatshirt, Elena was likewise wearing that black cocktail blouse Tabitha had given her back before trick-or-treating. Their blatant show of solidarity was moving, and Tabitha felt like she was getting a little choked up just at seeing her friends again. ¡°Both of you,¡± Tabitha finally said. ¡°Wow. I¡ªI really missed you guys. You both look so amazing!¡± ¡°Shuddup and gimme a hug!¡± Alicia exclaimed, grabbing Tabitha up in her arms and crushing her tight. ¡°So¡ªI hear you moved out?! What the hell happened?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°My Aunt happened. Long story.¡± ¡°Long story?¡± Alicia prompted. ¡°Well? Let¡¯s hear it! Damn. I really missed you! You look great, too. ¡®Lena, doesn¡¯t she look great?!¡± ¡°She looks amazing,¡± Elena¡¯s affected face of stoicism gave way to a small smile. ¡°Tabitha¡ªyou look like you just walked out of your wedding. If we meet my friend Ziggy today¡ªmy friend at Hot Topic¡ªshe¡¯s going to absolutely lose her mind.¡± ¡°In a good way, or in a bad way?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Both,¡± Elena¡¯s smile quirked into a smirk. ¡°She¡¯s got opinions on wearing white or anything pure or innocent or preppy princess kind of stuff. But like, you pull it off. Completely.¡± ¡°Oh, oh,¡± Alicia laughed, tilting her head at Elena. ¡°Ziggy, huh? She¡¯s the one you said was¡ªyou know. Into girls?¡± ¡°She has a girlfriend,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s not a big deal.¡± ¡°No, no, that¡¯s cool,¡± Alicia said quickly. ¡°So long as it doesn¡¯t like, bother you. I thought before that it would.¡± ¡°Lot of things were different before,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°Now it¡¯s¡ªwhatever. It¡¯s her life.¡± ¡°Uhh, hah, well I¡¯m too young and too old to date,¡± Tabitha found herself laughing along with Alicia. ¡°Like, both at the same time. Maybe when I¡¯m older? Er¡ªwhen it¡¯s been a few years and I¡¯m younger, or I''ve come to terms with being younger? I¡¯m in a super weird place.¡± ¡°Tabs, you¡¯re okay with bein¡¯ with a girl?!¡± Alicia asked with a look of surprise. ¡°I¡¯ve no idea!¡± Tabitha stuck out her tongue. ¡°Never quite cleared my own self-image hurdles, and now when I am actually getting okay with my own body¡ªI¡¯ve got imposter syndrome pulling me both ways at once. No idea what my effective age is. I¡¯m absolutely not my old mature mind put in a young body, and I¡¯m not just my past younger self but with extra memories, either. Now I¡¯m just¡­ me. Every day I¡¯m shaping and being shaped by completely unique new experiences that don¡¯t fit to either way of framing things. Sooo¡ªwith all that mindfuck, how am I supposed to figure out where to start dating?¡± ¡°Well, way easier if you just drop out all the time traveler BS,¡± Elena suggested with a teasing smile. ¡°Even if you do think you believe it¡ªlike, just pretend you don¡¯t. Ta-da, you¡¯re actually a normal girl with completely normal fears and insecurities. Every girl gets the imposter syndrome thing sometimes, no matter if they¡¯re prep or goth or anywhere in-between. It¡¯s a natural part of adolescence.¡± ¡°Elena¡¯s still on the fence ¡®bout all the future stuff,¡± Alicia confided with a wink. ¡°We¡¯ll figure something out though, Tabitha. There¡¯s absolutely no way you¡¯re just gonna be single forever if you don¡¯t wanna be, okay hot stuff?¡± ¡°If you say so,¡± Tabitha tried not to look skeptical. ¡°C¡¯mon, let¡¯s walk. I haven¡¯t like, been let loose like this since¡­ forever! I want to go around, I want to see everything!¡± The three girls chose a direction and they were off together in a giddy rush down the first concourse, with two stories of shops stretching on in rows on either side of them while benches, decorative planters, and the occasional kiosk or fountain occupied the tiled walkway. Music was playing overhead but difficult to discern, because there were so many people visiting the Sandboro mall on black Friday that the indistinct noise of what must have been hundreds of different conversations echoed down each hall. This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. Shopping malls were without a doubt the iconic place to be of this era. The suburban sprawl of the country was incredibly isolating to those too young to drive¡ªtelevision connected teens to their trends and culture, but if they wanted fashion more avant garde than whatever generic options the nearest Walmart had on offer, the only option was a mall. If one wanted a decent selection of accessories, books, or games¡ªthe mall. When a teen wanted to explore and interact in a social setting full of their peers without the rigid timetable structure of classes and oversight of adults like teachers and principals¡ªthe mall. All of the additional perspectives she had on this tickled out thought after thought on why it was making her feel this way. Tabitha didn¡¯t particularly love to shop¡ªshe¡¯d grown up poor enough that she wasn¡¯t able to unsee the pricetags on things, wasn¡¯t able to dampen her awareness of the cost of everything around her. Thus, shopping had usually stressed her out, it wasn¡¯t a pastime she engaged in for fun. That wasn¡¯t to say she was cynical about the endeavor, and Tabitha wasn¡¯t the type to turn her nose up at the idea of it, or label the mall a cathedral to vapid consumerism or anything like that. It wasn¡¯t even exactly the shopping that appealed to her teenage psyche so strongly¡ªit was the atmosphere. She was at the mall with her best friends! It was more enticing than being able to push her young body through strenuous exercise without joint pain, it was better than the baffling flashes of nostalgia that still occasionally blindsided her, and it was more intense than the simple wash of hormones that bubbled through her when she talked to a cute boy. They were all dressed up and together, she belonged, they were all seeing things and being seen. She was young, she was maybe kind of attractive, and she had money to spend! Tabitha wouldn¡¯t have even known how to articulate or express the desire for this kind of moment before, so now that she was here in this moment¡ªthis shopping mall experience was simply enthralling beyond words. ¡°Geez, Tabs¡ªwhat, first time?¡± Alicia teased, gently elbowing her friend¡¯s arm. ¡°Do they not have malls in the future?¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but break into a fit of giggles at that. ¡°What,¡± Alicia paused, giving her a look of disbelief. ¡°They don¡¯t?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªno, they do, for a while,¡± Tabitha looked around with a wistful smile. ¡°Just, not quite like this. This here in the late nineties and early two-thousands, this was the heydey of malls, before they, y¡¯know, slid into inevitable decline and eventual extinction. It¡¯s amazing to just experience it like this, back when it was this incredible amazing thing. With all these people, with this¡­ atmosphere. It¡¯s hard to even put into words. It¡¯s like being able to see a dinosaur.¡± ¡°Bullshit,¡± Elena scoffed. ¡°You¡¯re saying malls aren¡¯t a thing in the future?¡± ¡°Not by the twenty-forties, they¡¯re not,¡± Tabitha sadly shook her head. ¡°What?¡± Alicia stared. ¡°Why not? What happened?¡± ¡°Online shopping happened,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Amazon happened, Walmart happened, the tens of thousands of individual businesses dwindled down to just a few hundred, and even most of those were bought out and became just different faces of the same few megacorporations that own everything. Brick and mortar stores like this, they have all these overhead costs. Renting out the physical space, hiring workers for each little individual store, shuffling around stock and setting up actual decor and having all these promotional things actually printed out and set up. They couldn¡¯t compete once we got into late stage capitalism.¡± ¡°Bullshit,¡± Elena repeated. ¡°You¡¯re saying all of this gets replaced by going on your computer? I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°I can see how that would sound incredible to you,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°But the idea of online shopping you have is tied up in the limitations of the computers and internet that you know now.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not even just that,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°Malls aren¡¯t just shopping, they can¡¯t be replaced by computer shopping just being this cheaper alternative. There¡¯s a whole culture here, there¡¯s this social aspect that you could never replace. Going to the mall isn¡¯t just shopping, it¡¯s going out, it¡¯s being somewhere.¡± ¡°Oh, believe me, I know,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°This here is special. I can tell. I intend to really appreciate it just like this, before it¡¯s gone.¡± ¡°So¡ªwhat, one day malls are just gone?¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°One day it¡¯s like, ¡®sorry y¡¯all, doing this the other way makes us more money, just boot up your computers and shop that way instead?¡¯¡± ¡°They¡¯re gone by the two thousand forties, I said,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s a gradual decline. Look around you, do you see any empty stores?¡± ¡°Empty stores?¡± Alicia glanced down the row of boutiques. ¡°No? It¡¯s like, three o¡¯clock on a Black Friday. Even the jewelry place is packed.¡± ¡°No, I mean empty as in, one of these places where a shop would be, but it¡¯s just empty. Vacant. Bare walls inside, no logo above the entrance. Shuttered gate down, maybe with a ¡®our previous store location moved to so-and-so,¡¯ or a ¡®such-and-such¡¯ coming soon¡¯ notice hanging up.¡± ¡°Uhh¡­ no?¡± Alicia said. ¡°I mean, not right now. Yeah, I¡¯ve seen that before where a place closes up to move or whatever, I do know what you¡¯re talking about.¡± ¡°Okay, picture us fast forwarding, say, ten years,¡± Tabitha gestured around with her finger to point at various stores. ¡°Ten years, so it¡¯s now 2008. Within these ones you can see, that one, that one, and that one are closed. They¡¯re small businesses and I¡¯ve never heard of them, so they probably just disappear. Picture those ones as vacant shops, now. Those two over there get bought out by bigger brands, whatever their bigger competitor is. People have started shopping on the computer, as you say, and sales are down here.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°I can picture that.¡± ¡°Fast forward another ten years, it¡¯s 2018,¡± Tabitha now just pointed at the large Sear¡¯s that occupied one end of the mall¡¯s concourses and then the American Eagle that was nearby. ¡°Those two remain, and maybe one or two others, from the ones in sight here. Pretty much every other place is closed up¡ªless shops open means less reason to visit the mall, less foot traffic here browsing wares. People shop on their phones now, picture a little tablet display the size of a paper pocket notebook. But, your phone is connected to every store in the world. If you¡¯re a member of whatever special online service and pay their monthly fee, you¡¯ll get free shipping on everything, too. Which¡ªI didn¡¯t, but whenever you go to checkout online it¡¯s like they try to rub it in your face with automated reminders.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Alicia blinked. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ huh.¡± ¡°Anyways. Fast forward ten more years, 2028. Honestly, I lived in the area, and the Sandboro mall doesn¡¯t even last the whole way to twenty-eight. There was a pandemic in twenty-twenty, and most everyone was avoiding public spaces for most of that year. That was the death knell to an already struggling mall, it just became unsustainable since not enough spaces were getting leased out. I know by 2025 or so, most of this was already closed up and they were tearing some of the structures down. The Sears here remained for a while but as its own building, same with the Macy¡¯s over on the other end. All of this in-between they did away with, they fit in a couple office buildings, I think a shipping distribution center, and a little miniature shopping strip.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡ªno, that¡¯s dumb,¡± Elena refused to accept it. ¡°You can¡¯t just shop that way. You can¡¯t try on clothes without being there in person to try them on. And, a good deal of the way businesses make money is by having them all here on display like this¡ªthere¡¯s an entire science to it, to tempting people into buying more than they originally came here for.¡± ¡°Oh, that science evolves and persists in online shopping, believe me,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°You are mostly right about fitting rooms disappearing, that was a change. Most stores treated them as a necessary evil in the first place, though¡ªthey take up a ton of space, space that then needs to be kept safe and clean and constantly monitored so that un-bought clothing can be hung back up and returned to where it goes in the store. Also, then from a loss prevention perspective, you¡¯re either treating all of your customers like potential thieves, which no one appreciates, or you¡¯re enabling the actual shoplifters to have an easier time stealing merchandise.¡± ¡°You see?¡± Alicia let out a wistful sigh. ¡°She¡¯s doing it again, she has this super reasonable thought-out answer, for just about everything. So like, either she¡¯s spent a ton of time figuring out all sorts of this random stuff ahead of time, or¡­ she¡¯s really from the future.¡± ¡°She¡¯s not really from the future,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m supposed to believe trying on clothing stops being a thing? Puh-lease.¡± ¡°I did say these things phase out gradually over time. Just, instead of actually going somewhere and trying things on, it¡¯s you lounging around the house, scrolling through hundreds of product reviews to see the pros and cons people¡¯ve said about the clothes you¡¯re interested in. To some extent a lot of the early to mid two-thousands era fashion rendered exact fitting for a lot of things a moot point, because half of women were just going to wear yoga pants or shapewear anyways.¡± ¡°Wait, everyone¡¯s doing yoga in the future?¡± Alicia paused. ¡°...Really?¡± ¡°No, almost no one is,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Wearing yoga pants or leggings gets super popular, though. They¡¯re comfortable¡ªif you¡¯re comfortable with your body, which before you ask I wasn¡¯t, I never looked like this and didn¡¯t even glance at form-fitting clothing¡ªand it really shows off your butt. Like, every crack and contour¡¯s gonna be pretty much on display.¡± ¡°Ewwww, ew,¡± Alicia giggled. ¡°Every crack? Like everyone¡¯s butt cracks?!¡± ¡°Unironically¡ªyes,¡± Tabitha let out a sigh of dismay. ¡°Don¡¯t look at me, I couldn¡¯t wear them.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the other one you said?¡± Elena prompted. ¡°Shapewear?¡± ¡°Oh, shapewear has been around forever in some form or another,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°In history, girdles and corsets would¡¯ve counted as shapewear. Here in the nineties¡ªI guess push-up bras would count? Just, in the future the designs and materials keep improving. High-waisted stuff that compresses tummy fat to makes you look slender, stuff that lifts your butt in just the right way¡ªI don¡¯t know. I was an ugly fat potato, I didn¡¯t even try to get into those trends. ¡°You¡¯re not fat, or ugly, or a potato,¡± Alicia chided her. ¡°And, you¡¯re not going to be. I mean, just look at you!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I can¡¯t be fat ever again. Or a potato. Not going to let that happen.¡± ¡°Or ugly,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Ugly I can live with,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I mean, I¡¯m not right now, I realize that. I¡¯m okayish looking. Just, I uh, I don¡¯t think I can doll myself up or try to impress or anything just yet. I¡¯m not ready, I¡ªI don¡¯t actually know how to handle attention when I get it, and too much attention like, activates my fight or flight response.¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Alicia remarked. ¡°And that¡¯s why you don¡¯t wear makeup?¡± ¡°I¡ªI do wear makeup,¡± Tabitha raised her good hand in defense. ¡°A bit. Just, not getting into eyeliner or lipstick or any of that. I use a bit of concealer here and there, just whenever little problems pop up.¡± ¡°You were hiding in the library every day back when we first met,¡± Elena remembered. ¡°Instead of even trying to be social.¡± ¡°I¡ªyes,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I was hiding. But, I also had a lot of stuff going on, and I couldn¡¯t deal with everything at once. I knew the shooting happened in October, but I was real iffy on the exact day, and¡­ I knew I was gonna have to be the one to do something.¡± ¡°You couldn¡¯t have told someone?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Or, uh, warned them somehow?¡± ¡°I tried to think of ways, but nothing seemed like a safe bet,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°If I¡¯d been sure of the date, I maybe could have.¡± ¡°I thought you did know it was October first,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Like, and that was why you specifically had me there right on that day.¡± ¡°No, that was not part of the plan,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I¡¯m sorry you had to be there for that. In my head, I still had a little bit of time before it happened, some, uh, leeway. A week maybe, at least a couple of days. But, then it just happened. And that was that. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Naw, it was cool, now I have a great story to tell,¡± Alicia stuck out her tongue. ¡°But, um¡ªwhat are you gonna do about the other one? The big terrorist thing?¡± ¡°Big terrorist thing?¡± Elena¡¯s eyebrows went up. ¡°I uh, I¡ªI,¡± Tabitha stammered out, lurching to a halt in the middle of the thoroughfare. ¡°I have no fucking idea.¡± ¡°Because you don¡¯t remember the exact day?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°What big terrorist thing?¡± Elena pressed. ¡°Like, in Springton?¡± ¡°No, no, not in Springton,¡± Tabitha grimaced. ¡°New York City¡ªthe twin towers. World trade center. And¡ªI remember the exact day, everyone remembers the exact day. Nine-eleven; September eleventh. Took me a bit to figure out whether it was 2000 or 2001, but yeah, I¡¯m sure now it¡¯s 2001. Worked out from where I was in my life at that time when the news, uh, when the news hit.¡± ¡°A bombing, then?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Like the Oklahoma city bombing?¡± ¡°Um, worse, I think,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°So much worse. Although honestly, I don¡¯t remember the Oklahoma city bombing well at all. The name catches in my memory, but I don¡¯t think I know the details. How many people died?¡± ¡°A lot,¡± Elena said. ¡°I¡¯ll have to ask my mom how many. It was the worst case of terrorism in America, ever¡ªand you don¡¯t remember anything about it?¡± ¡°It was the worst case until nine-eleven, maybe,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Okay,¡± Elena made a face. ¡°How bad is it? It¡¯s a bombing at the world trade center?¡± ¡°No, not a bombing,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Four airliners are hijacked from¡­ an east coast airport. I honestly can¡¯t remember which one, and the more I start second-guessing myself, the more I doubt all of the maybes. Could be Philly, could be Boston. Baltimore. One of those, some big east coast airport. They hijack four airliners and¡­ crash them into the world trade center buildings. Two hit there, one hits the Pentagon. The fourth one crashes in a deserted field out in the middle of nowhere, they thought maybe passengers were fighting to regain control of the airliner from the hijackers. Loss of life on the four airliners is total, and both of the twin towers and almost every single person in them, somewhere around three thousand people¡­ lose their lives. A-all of the first responders are killed too, I think uh, something like thr-three hundred firefighters were there trying to evacuate people when the towers actually come down, it¡¯s, it¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha, you¡¯re shaking,¡± Elena said. ¡°I¡ªyeah,¡± Tabitha crossed her arms and clamped them tightly against herself. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s this huge, gigantic tragedy, and¡ªand I don¡¯t have any idea how I could stop it. Or, or, anything I can think of, any attempts at warning them, they come back on me in a terrible way. Because how do I have advance knowledge of these, these militant extremists and what they plan to do? Where did I get these details from? I, I don¡¯t have an acceptable answer for that. How can I even make anyone believe me about it in the first place? And, I think whether or not I do, whether or not it winds up having terrible consequences for me, I¡¯m going to be compelled to try to do something anyways. Because¡ªthree thousand people. So many more directly affected, lost loved ones or injured, or¡ªI can¡¯t just do nothing. But, then, then what do I do?!¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to do anything,¡± Elena argued. ¡°You¡¯re not responsible for everything.¡± ¡°I thought you didn¡¯t believe her about all the time travel stuff?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Sure seems like whenever¡ª¡± ¡°I believe that she believes it, and I¡¯m her friend,¡± Elena dismissed Alicia¡¯s argument. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter what I believe.¡± ¡°And anyways, can¡¯t you just leave like, an anonymous tip?¡± Alicia suggested. ¡°Something like that? Write up what you remember, send it off, and then you¡¯ve done what you can.¡± ¡°It won¡¯t stay anonymous once they realize the information is legitimate,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I don¡¯t know much about forensics, but what I do know is that there¡¯s all sorts of ways of tracking digital stuff online that most people don¡¯t realize, and even tracing how a phone call was routed, or identifying where the paper in a letter comes from. Everything is possible. There¡¯s experts in that sort of thing. If they want to, if they¡¯re determined¡ªthey¡¯ll absolutely find out it was from me.¡± ¡°So¡ªwhat happens then?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°I have no idea,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°But, I imagine a lot of interrogation and then investigation into my life. Probably a lot of restrictions going forward, I¡¯d be monitored for sure. Regular surveillance. For years and years, maybe forever. I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Shit,¡± Alicia swore. ¡°Yeah, shit. Think they¡¯d figure out the time travel?¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I think they¡¯d pursue every other possibility first, though.¡± ¡°You really don¡¯t have to do anything, though,¡± Elena said again. ¡°You don¡¯t. It¡¯s a tragedy, sure, okay, but it¡¯s not your responsibility. No one would expect you to stop it. Not even if you do know what happens. It¡¯s¡ªTabitha, it¡¯s not your problem. Terrible things happen everywhere, all of the time, every single day, and it can¡¯t be on you to try to fix everything. Or even anything. I don¡¯t mean to seem cold-hearted or um, flippant about these big serious things, but you¡¯re a teenage girl. You¡¯ve got plenty of your own things to worry about, your own life to deal with.¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Tabitha shrugged again. ¡°I just¡ªit¡¯s a lot. It weighs on me. Terrified of, of just letting terrible things happen, because I feel like I¡¯d have to carry all that doubt and guilt and regret the rest of my life. I almost didn¡¯t even try to save Officer Macintire, it was a kinda close thing. I was losing my nerve. It was uh, it coming up was just terrifying to me. I waited out there by the roadside where it was gonna happen for a few days at the end of September. Just in case. I planned to be there every day through October until it either happened, or didn¡¯t happen. But, I was losing my nerve really fast. I think if it hadn¡¯t wound up happening so early in October, I might have let the anxiety get to me and, uh, bailed out. Ran away, avoided it. Inviting Alicia to come over and ¡®hang out¡¯ was part of me just, um, trying to cope with all of the tension. Because, I wasn¡¯t managing well alone.¡± ¡°Okay, see?¡± Elena nodded. ¡°You¡¯re not a superhero. You¡¯re a teenage girl, you¡¯re¡ªhell, you¡¯re younger than I am. Younger than both of us! You can¡¯t be taking on all of these problems, that¡¯s too much pressure and worry and everything to put on yourself.¡± ¡°I see where you¡¯re coming from,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I do, I really do. But, then¡ªwhat about Hannah? What about Mrs. Macintire? What about Officer Macintire himself? He¡¯s alive right now, he still has plans for the future and hopes for what he does with his life, and¡ªand thinking about the what ifs, even just imagining that I¡¯d not even tried to save him, save them. It makes me physically ill, makes me nauseous and sick, makes me feel like I have my stomach ulcers again. I feel all of that more than I feel proud or brave or strong or whatever people make me out to be, because I know just how close I came to not trying to save him.¡± ¡°Alright, stop stop stop,¡± Alicia made the time-out signal with her hands again. ¡°This is¡ªthis is some real heavy shit, so I¡¯m calling stop. All of this is too much for you to deal with, obviously, so, obviously, we¡ªthe three of us, together, as a team of best friends, will figure all of this out and hammer out some sort of plan. Later. Trying to stress about all of it right now is not productive. From what you¡¯ve said, we still have loads and loads of time, it¡¯s not even 1999 yet. Okay? Calm down, chill out, and¡ªhere, there¡¯s the Hot Topic. Let¡¯s go check out ¡®Lena¡¯s digs. Cool?¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Tabitha slowly exhaled. Since Tabitha remembered the Sandboro mall¡¯s Hot Topic from her past visits in the 2010s, visiting in 1998 felt wildly anachronistic to her expectations. The store was still draped in the usual black, but now it felt oddly subdued and off-kilter from the theme. What Tabitha thought of as hipster fashion was not yet a multibillion dollar industry, retro video games and cartoons weren¡¯t exactly retro yet, and anime didn¡¯t have the foothold here it would in the future. Unfamiliar paraphernalia like the wrestling stuff¡ªWWF and NWO, Simpsons, and South Park seemed to be crammed in to fill the gaps. Many shirts on display were minimalistic to the extreme in design¡ªan entire rack of black tees seemed to each feature nothing but a single sentence of snarky text on the front, most which Tabitha would have classified as boomer bumper sticker humor, the kind of one-liners that would one day be immortalized as jpeg Facebook memes. Like the rest of the mall it was busy here today, with a dozen odd shoppers from tweens to teens looking around the store, most of which were dressed at least as Goth as Elena. ¡°Hey, did it hurt?¡± A sarcastic voice called out to Tabitha, loud enough for most of the shoppers browsing through the wares within Hot Topic to turn to see what was going on. ¡°...When you fell from heaven?¡± The girl behind the Hot Topic counter was staring her down with a challenging smirk, by all appearances affronted that a younger teenage girl had the gall to walk into her store wearing all white. The blouse and jeans hadn¡¯t seemed quite so out of place when they were making their way down the concourses of the mall, but here in this particular store¡­ her bright attire of course stuck out like a sore thumb. I just knew the whole ANGELIC look would come back to bite me somehow, Tabitha did her best not to wince as she suddenly became the center of attention. I knew it. Something always does. ¡°Did it hurt when I fell from heaven?¡± Tabitha repeated with a strange smile. ¡°I¡¯m not quite sure how to take that. How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! Wasn¡¯t that the line from the book of Isiah? So¡ªis this damning praise, or just damning?¡± ¡°Uhh no, I think she¡¯s just flirting with you?¡± Alicia regarded the scene with a bemused grin. What should have been a tense and nerve-racking moment of unexpected social interaction instead felt completely¡­ bizarre. When Tabitha saw Ziggy¡¯s washed out green hair styled into a messy array of spikes, her first thought was Delilah. While so much of Tabitha¡¯s long previous life was a struggle to remember, certain little unbidden tidbits seemed to bubble up past all the knowledge that would have actually been useful to remember and take her by surprise¡ªDelilah had been the punk sidekick witch of the antagonist Agatha Cackle in the 1986 Worst Witch film. As if disturbed by plucking one vivid memory out of the disorganized pile of junk that had been pushed back into this recess of her mind, dozens of other embarrassing memories suddenly tumbled out. Tabitha for the life of her couldn¡¯t remember the names of acquaintances she¡¯d gone to school with for years in her early life, but she could vividly recall the name Enoby Dark¡¯ness Dementia Raven Way, the mary sue so infamous that dramatic My Immortal readings had been performed at conventions and upon Youtube for more than a decade following its storied release. The fanfiction had been a scathing satire of the precise store Elena had just led them into; the angst and cringy edge of Hot Topic Goth. The repressed but not forgotten phase that it seemed every girl felt call to them at some point in their teens, where emotions were so dark and profound that they traveled full circle to become superficial and even campy, like Addams Family and Edward Scissorhands and other dark comedy films that introduced so many to the genre. As such, how could Tabitha feel intimidated by this older goth teen? What did this Ziggy know about gothic¡ªZiggy¡¯s subculture knowledge was still prototypical, trapped in the times of 1998. She wouldn¡¯t be able to recognize a gothic icon like Helena Bonham Carter from a police lineup of ne¡¯er-do-wells, wouldn¡¯t know who Amy Lee was, she wouldn¡¯t even be able to recite a single verse from any of the Repo: the Genetic Opera songs. She was unaware of the big Warhammer 40K Sisters of Battle movie that brought gothic back into the limelight in the 2030s, she hadn¡¯t read or even watched Wildbow¡¯s Worm. Tabitha felt herself so full of dark secrets and terrible knowledge that it was hard not to giggle at the absurdity of it all. ¡°Ziggy, this is Tabitha,¡± Elena warned. ¡°My friend I told you about. The one that like, first brought me here, sorta. She¡¯s the reason.¡± ¡°Girl who got hurt at that party?¡± Ziggy leaned back a bit, sizing Tabitha up. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°She didn¡¯t just get hurt, she died,¡± Alicia spoke up. ¡°Tabitha was murdered on Halloween night¡ªthey have a death certificate for her and everything. They didn¡¯t think she could come back, but then¡­ she came back.¡± The Sandboro mall¡¯s crowded Hot Topic actually went silent, and even more heads turned their way. Tabitha felt herself flush but fought to keep the actual embarrassment out of her expression. Alicia¡¯s boast was technically true, aside from the party being the night after Halloween. If the series of bizarre and unfortunate experiences gave her gothic clout, who was she to say otherwise? The various teenage girls cloistering themselves here in the shadows of what seemed to be the one subculture outlet in their area were all staring at her. ¡°And, this is Alicia,¡± Elena continued with a sigh. ¡°They¡¯re my best friends. So, Ziggy, if you could not give them a hard time about¡ª¡± ¡°So whoa, you like, died and came back?¡± The Hot Topic employee asked, interest appearing despite the facade of disdain and cynicism she was putting on for Tabitha. ¡°That¡¯s pretty cool. How much of it do you remember? You see any other side spooky kinda shit?¡± Okay think think think, what¡¯s a good one? Tabitha¡¯s mind raced. ¡®Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated?¡¯ No, that¡¯s not EXTRA enough. This whole meeting is full on melodrama, I¡¯ve gotta be EXTRA, gotta pull out like, a real chuuni one... ¡°It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh,¡± Tabitha gave Ziggy the subtle condescending smile she¡¯d practiced upon her cousins so much. ¡°I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute.¡± ¡°Jesus,¡± Alicia swore, clapping a hand over her mouth to stifle laughter. Several of the shopper bystanders¡¯ eyes widened, she earned a few smiles, and the confrontational look Ziggy wore faltered¡ªwhile Tabitha felt what seemed like all the blood in her body rush up to her face. She honestly had no idea where the line was even originally from, it was just a funny one she remembered surfacing in an awkward family photo memes compilation, the words appended to a random little girl who¡¯d had a particularly manic look for the camera on some Christmas morning. While she wanted to be able to pull out impressive Gwennisms and be able to recite Lovecraft at clever moments like in Metaworld Chronicles, this entire over the top situation had her head swimming with silly internet memes and half-remembered goffick lines from the My Immortal fanfiction. But like, they can¡¯t OUT-CRINGE me, Tabitha felt full of confidence like never before. I¡¯ve seen levels of cringe beyond their mortal comprehension. ¡°She¡¯s my friend,¡± Elena attempted to mediate with an uncertain smile. ¡°She really did get hurt, and it was bad. She¡¯s my friend.¡± ¡°Sure, sure,¡± Ziggy¡¯s eyes darted from Elena to Tabitha and back again in discomfort and the girl finally just crossed her arms in front of herself. ¡°So, what brings you guys here on this our most blackest of days?¡± ¡°I wanted to meet you,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You were here for ¡®Lena, so I had to check you out¡ª make sure you weren¡¯t too mall goth or mainstream or anything like that.¡± ¡°Do I look mainstream to you?¡± Ziggy laughed, looking around in disbelief. ¡°To me? You look very¡­ anime,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°You¡¯re¡­ into anime?¡± Ziggy seemed bewildered by each and every sentence from Tabitha. ¡°Cool. Like, not many people even know about anime. We sell anime here, we have a bunch of tapes.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°I¡¯m looking for anything Studio Ghibli. I¡¯ll be looking after a little girl for the next few months, and she adores Disney movies. I want to get her hooked on anime early. My Neighbor Totoro, or Kiki¡¯s Delivery Service, or maybe Castle in the Sky.¡± ¡°You, you really do know anime,¡± Ziggy mumbled in shock. ¡°I¡ªwow. Have you seen Princess Mononoke?¡± ¡°I love Princess Mononoke!¡± Tabitha beamed. ¡°Do you have it?! If you have it, I¡¯m buying it.¡± ¡°We, well no, it¡¯s not out on home video yet,¡± Ziggy said. ¡°The only one of those we have is Kiki¡¯s Delivery Service on VHS, just got it in stock last month. But, like¡ªhow did you even see Castle in the Sky?! Can¡¯t find copies of it anywhere, and the release they had for that was only on laserdisc, I¡¯ve asked. Do you have a good source for like, subbed anime or bootlegs from overseas, or something?¡± ¡°I wish!¡± Tabitha said, holding up her bank envelope. ¡°In any case, I¡¯ll take a copy of Kiki for sure, and¡ªshow me all of the anime you have!¡± ¡°I-I watch Sailor Moon every morning when it¡¯s on!¡± Alicia interjected. ¡°That¡¯s anime. Right?¡±
¡°Soooo, that was weird, right?¡± Alicia commented when they finally trooped on out of the Hot Topic. ¡°Both of them.¡± ¡°Both of who?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°You and Ziggy,¡± Alicia gave her an incredulous face. ¡°C¡¯mon¡ªthat was weird.¡± ¡°It was a little weird,¡± Elena said. ¡°I¡¯m not weird,¡± Tabitha protested with a cute pout, adjusting the little black bag that held her new acquisitions; two anime tapes she could watch with Hannah. ¡°You¡¯re weird!¡± ¡°First of all,¡± Alicia¡¯s voice rose. ¡°She was totally flirting with you.¡± ¡°She was not,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes. ¡°Please. She was being funny and dramatic, because I walked in like this, wearing all white, when the Hot Topic aesthetic¡¯s supposed to be all black. Calling me out like that was just a joke.¡± ¡°No, like yeah I noticed that, but she was still flirting with you. It was weird. Then, it¡¯s also like¡ªyou weren¡¯t scared of her at all, or intimidated or pressured or anything. Even though she¡¯s older than us, she¡¯s what? Eighteen? Nineteen?¡± ¡°I think nineteen,¡± Elena said. ¡°It was a little weird.¡± ¡°I guess it¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s hard to explain,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°I couldn¡¯t take her seriously, and, because of the circumstances I felt like I had her at this massive disadvantage. Because of all of the future subculture I¡¯ve absorbed. Also she¡¯s like this¡­ try-hard goth, but years and years too early to be self-aware about that? I guess¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, take it easy,¡± Elena crossed her arms. ¡°She¡¯s my friend, too, alright? She¡¯s cool.¡± ¡°Oh, I know,¡± Tabitha quickly reassured her friends. ¡°I like her¡ªit¡¯s like I knew I was going to get along with her right away, because we share so many interests. It¡¯s just, I guess as time goes on and phases come and go, her whole¡­ overdramatized goth thing becomes ripe for¡­ not mockery, exactly, but¡ª¡± ¡°Are you saying she¡¯s a joke?¡± Elena was beginning to bristle. ¡°Are goths a joke to you, am I just a joke to you?¡± ¡°That¡¯s not what I mean,¡± Tabitha let out a wistful sigh. ¡°Just¡ªwhen you look back at things, not just as an individual but as an entire millennial culture, things look different. You¡¯ll have different perspective on who we were, the journey we¡¯ve been on. The more exaggerated things are what we¡¯ll remember the most, they¡¯ll stand out in memory.¡± ¡°So¡ªwhat¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± Elena remained tense. ¡°About being goth.¡± ¡°It means someday in the far future, I don¡¯t know. Maybe you will laugh about it,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°But, I think you¡¯ll also remember it fondly, and I know that you¡¯ll cherish it forever. This is an important part of making you into who you are. I don¡¯t mean to make light of that, I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m just¡ªI¡¯ve been there in the future where we all do have to look back on things and see them in a different light. I¡¯m not making fun of you, though¡ªElena, you¡¯re amazing.¡± ¡°Still don¡¯t believe you about being from the future,¡± Elena said. ¡°And, I don¡¯t mean to be touchy, but just¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯re dumb kids, of course we¡¯re gonna look back on all this and laugh,¡± Alicia interjected. ¡°I¡¯m the weirdo art girl, Elena you went full-on goth like, super fast, and Tabs¡ªdo I even have to say it? Tabs is super fucking abnormal. But, so what? We¡¯re all friends, we¡¯re all cool with each other, and Tabs got along fine with Ziggy, they were all cool. I just¡­ I don¡¯t want them to date. That¡¯s too far.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to date anyone!¡± Tabitha groaned in exasperation. ¡°I am thirteen. That¡¯s barely even a real teenager like you two, you¡¯re both fourteen. Right now I¡¯m still basically a child.¡± ¡°You turn fourteen in like, a week,¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°And you¡¯ve kinda-sorta turned all the way to sixty before!¡± ¡°Well, that was then, and this is now,¡± Tabitha let out a mock harumph. ¡°Should have just kept the whole thing secret.¡± ¡°Yeah, well. You didn¡¯t,¡± Elena rolled her eyes and finally smiled. ¡°So¡ªwhere we headed next?¡± ¡°Okay, what I¡¯m looking for is, um,¡± Tabitha scrunched up her features as she tried to recall the correct name. ¡°Wait, Elena, you know the mall pretty well?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°What are you looking for?¡± ¡°I¡¯m looking for a Gamespot,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Er¡ªmaybe it¡¯s Gamestop? Gamespot or Gamestop, or something like that.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no store by that name in the Sandboro mall, no,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°Games as in like, video games, or games like, board games and calendars and toys?¡± ¡°Oh¡ªvideo games,¡± Tabitha clarified. ¡°Electronics Boutique?¡± Elena asked. ¡°There¡¯s one down that way.¡± ¡°Um¡­ maybe?¡± Tabitha quirked her lip. ¡°I don¡¯t recognize the name from the future, at least. Was it something like a Radio Shack?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s all games stuff,¡± Elena said. ¡°Video games¡ªSega, Nintendo, that kind of stuff.¡± ¡°They sell computer games and some movies, too,¡± Alicia chimed in. ¡°My dad plays Myst. We¡¯re going to buy games?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I want to get my cousins something for Christmas.¡± ¡°Cool, cool,¡± Alicia bobbed her head. ¡°It¡¯s down this way,¡± Elena directed them. ¡°C¡¯mon.
The Electronics Boutique was one of the busier stores on black Friday, the glass storefront showing both small groups of teens as well as scattered pairs of parents supervising overexcited young children. Tabitha found herself surprised by how popular video games were in 1998, but her impressions were admittedly colored by the comparatively sorry state of console technology and graphics she¡¯d found in this time period so far. To everyone else, of course, the row and rows of titles decorating the shelves were perhaps cutting edge, each promising the very latest and greatest interactive adventures to escape into. Alicia seemed to be passingly familiar with games and leaned in to examine through the various artwork on cartridge boxes and sealed disk cases, but as they maneuvered towards the line queueing up at the counter Elena appeared to have no interest at all. Not exactly an expert on games herself, Tabitha took comfort in the fact that the franchise she was aiming for was big enough to warrant a large store display, and nervously shuffled along with the customers until it was their turn at the front counter. ¡°Hi, can I help you?¡± The sales associate was a tired-looking lanky teenage guy. ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath, steeling her nerves. ¡°I would like¡­ one copy of Pokemon Yellow, two copies of Pokemon Red, two copies of Pokemon Blue, two link cables, and¡ªfive Gameboy Colors.¡± ¡°Holy shit,¡± Alicia swore. ¡°Yeah, holy shit,¡± The Electronics Boutique employee agreed. ¡°That¡¯s¡­. well, damn. Okay. You, uh¡ªhey, just to warn you¡ªthey¡¯ll play on a Gameboy Color, but for the Red and Blue versions they won¡¯t actually have color, y¡¯know?¡± ¡°You can just get your cousins regular Gameboys and save like, twenty dollars each,¡± Elena pointed out, gesturing up at the promotional display. ¡°And¡ªis it really even necessary to go that far? That¡¯s a ton of money, Tabitha. Don¡¯t they all live together? Can¡¯t they just share one gameboy and one game?¡± ¡°They do already share, it¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s not about the money,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°They¡¯ve been sharing everything with each other their whole lives, their whole childhoods. This, just this once, I want them to each have something special that¡¯s all their own. After everything that¡¯s happened¡­ I think it would be meaningful, I think¡­ I think this is something I have to do for them. Money be damned. Pokemon¡¯s a really good game, we can play against each other, and this is going to be something special I can play with them.¡± ¡°So, Pokemon will become an important part of who they are?¡± Elena asked with a deadpan expression. ¡°Not¡­ exactly,¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°I mean, I hope this becomes a big thing for them, some special part of them growing up. So I guess, yes, kinda?¡± ¡°Well, we¡¯ve got all the colors stocked in,¡± the employee said as he unlocked the glass case. ¡°So, you said five? What color models would you like? We¡¯ve got all six¡ªberry, grape, kiwi, dandelion, teal, and atomic purple. Seven I guess, if you¡¯re getting Pokemon Yellow, we also have the one that comes with the special edition Gameboy color, which is yellow but has a little Pikachu on it.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s get one of each, then,¡± Elena decided, pulling out her wallet. ¡°What?¡± Alicia¡¯s eyes went wide. ¡°Didn¡¯t you just say¡ª¡± ¡°Four for the boys, one for Tabitha, one for me, and one for you,¡± Elena explained. ¡°Then we can all play together. Which color do you want?¡± ¡°Uh, uh, atomic purple!¡± Alicia admitted with a sheepish grin. ¡°But, like¡ªElena you can¡¯t just buy me a Gameboy.¡± ¡°You helped me score fifty bucks off of Carrie, so¡ªyes, I can,¡± Elena stuck her tongue out. ¡°Merry Christmas. Now you have to play with us.¡± ¡°But, no, but my parents could probably get me one for Christmas,¡± Alicia argued. ¡°You totally don¡¯t have to.¡± ¡°I have money,¡± Tabitha chimed in. ¡°Why don¡¯t I buy everyone¡¯s, and then¡ª¡± ¡°Ssshh, you¡¯re doing enough already,¡± Elena cut Tabitha off, turning back to Alicia. ¡°I¡¯m just buying you the Gameboy Color, alright? Then, you can have your parents get you the actual game for it, for Christmas. Cool?¡± ¡°That¡¯s cool, that¡¯s cool,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I just¡ªthat¡¯s already too much. Thank you.¡± ¡°I¡­ guess we¡¯re starting our own Pokemon league?¡± Tabitha laughed with an embarrassed smile. ¡°So, um. I¡¯ll take the Pikachu Gameboy Color, annnnd. Every other model color except atomic purple and¡­?¡± ¡°Grape,¡± Elena said. ¡°I¡¯ll get grape for me, and atomic purple for ¡®Licia.¡± ¡°This is gonna be so awesome,¡± Alicia squeaked. ¡°We¡¯re¡ªTabitha, Gameboy Colors, they¡¯re really good, right? Like, in the future?¡± ¡°They¡¯re good,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°They technically have the best effective battery life of any of the handheld systems before or after, when you consider it only uses two double-As to the original Gameboy¡¯s four. Fifteen to thirty hours of playtime. ¡°We¡¯re almost three years away from the Gameboy Advance, so for the boys starting them off on the Color will see them through the first two generations of Pokemon. I don¡¯t want to risk original Gameboys not being able to play for Pokemon Gold, Silver, and Crystal for them, because I¡¯m iffy on backwards compatibility and¡ªobviously, I can¡¯t just google it.¡± ¡°Google it,¡± Alicia repeated in a daze. ¡°Right. Google it, that¡¯s a thing. That uh, that makes sense? You seem to remember a surprising amount of the game stuff.¡± ¡°How much of all that she just said is true?¡± Elena asked the Electronics Boutique worker, jerking her thumb towards Tabitha. ¡°About the game stuff.¡± ¡°Uhhhh, I¡ªdon¡¯t know?¡± The salesperson gave her a helpless gesture. ¡°It¡¯s a good game system though, I hear. I have the Gameboy pocket myself, it¡¯s great. And I¡¯ve played Pokemon Red before. They¡¯re pretty good? We, ah, we have a demo thing over there with the stand and all if you want to see how the colors actually look for the Gameboy Color.¡± ¡°Some things just randomly really stick with you, okay?!¡± Tabitha admitted to her friends with a furious blush. ¡°I¡¯m not super clear on a lot of things, but I do know way more than I should about some real trivial absolutely useless things, okay? None of you are going to beat me at Pokemon, ever.¡± 41, Small town girl. The three friends continued on down the Sandboro mall¡¯s lower concourse at a sedate pace, navigating through the bunches of people as they glanced through the shop windows and chatted with one another. Alicia found herself hyped up still, occasionally grinning down at the rather bulky Electronics Boutique bag full of Game Boy Colors she hugged against herself. It had weight to it but wasn¡¯t heavy, maybe because right now it meant the world to her. As little as six months ago, Alicia would have consciously chafed at this entire situation. She would have grown to despise these two white girls, as if they were making her lug around their things like she was their servant or baggage carrier, or something. She felt like she¡¯d grown up a little since then, like some of her strongest fears about fitting in with the white kid Springton crowd had been put to rest in a definitive way. Here with her besties, race wasn''t even an issue¡ªthey simply saw her as Alicia. No one was making her tote around their bags. Tabitha had actually attempted to hold her bag of anime tapes against herself with her cast, so that she could heft the giant bag of video game boxes with her remaining hand. It hadn¡¯t even occurred to Tabitha to ever ask for help. She even BLUSHED when we pointed that out. Oh my God, it was so cute¡­ and also yeah, a little tiny bit sad. Alicia had of course jumped forward to take up the big bag, while Elena even grabbed Tabby¡¯s little Hot Topic bag of tapes, leaving the flustered redhead to just awkwardly clutch her money envelope with her good hand while holding her plaster cast up against herself. Alicia was willing to acknowledge now that her past self would have been sensitive about whatever social dynamic was at play when they were white and she was black. It thrilled her to realize how much of that she¡¯d forgotten. I¡¯m not excluded at all, none of us are. We¡¯re just¡ªFRIENDS, Alicia beamed. Alright, alright. I¡¯m admittedly feeling extra sappy, ¡®cause ¡®Lena just bought me a friggin¡¯ Game Boy Color! Soooo cool. On so many levels. They were just¡­ friends. It was simple to express like that, but the concept of it was deceptive in how much bigger and deeper it was. There was no class barrier separating Alicia from these two white girls¡ªif anything, Tabitha was the one singled out in that regard, because she was from the family living in poverty. Alicia and Elena¡¯s families were on fairly equal footing in upper middle class, with Alicia¡¯s dad being an architectural engineer and Elena¡¯s dad being a partner in a local law firm. When it came to fashion, Elena was their outlier and dressed completely different than them because of her burgeoning gothic identity. Just when Alicia had begun to worry that Elena not believing Tabby about the future stuff was starting to create a rift between the two, Elena shocked her by jumping up and going all-in on their little Pokemon league idea. Even when the raven-haired girl with her possibly Daria-inspired dry skepticism wasn¡¯t convinced Tabitha was from the future, it didn¡¯t matter. Because, they were friends and Elena was just gonna support her unconditionally regardless. It was really touching, and more to the point, Elena had made sure Alicia was also going to be included in this Pokemon thing they were all doing. So, it¡¯s not even JUST a bitchin¡¯ handheld game system, Alicia gave the Electronics Boutique bag a little squeeze. It¡¯s like, a promise that we¡¯re gonna stay besties and play together, that even though Tabs isn¡¯t in school with us anymore, and Elena¡¯s embarking on her own weird DARK AND MACABRE personal journey¡ªwe aren¡¯t gonna drift apart. It¡¯s a promise. ¡°Okay, here,¡± Elena sighed, holding up a hand. ¡°You¡¯re supposed to pick up an outfit or two? We should start here.¡± Alicia and Tabitha turned in surprise to see that Elena had stopped them in front of a dELiA*s store. The window displays here were lined with Christmas lights, but the mannequins themselves weren¡¯t dressed in particular for the season¡ªone female figure wore a sporty crop-top outfit, another wore a floral print beneath a denim pullover, and only the last actually wore a bomber jacket, over a navy ensemble that featured those snazzy racing stripes. ¡°Is this like, sacrilegious?¡± Alicia joked. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be pushin¡¯ Tabs to wear Hot Topic stuff?¡± ¡°We were already in there, nothing caught her eye,¡± Elena sniffed. ¡°Just because I¡¯m going for this look doesn¡¯t mean either of you have to. I used to shop here. For you guys dELiA*s is fine, this is where I used to pick up pretty nice hauls.¡± ¡°I¡­ I just spent a lot of the money, I really don¡¯t need clothes,¡± Tabitha protested in a weak voice. ¡°Come in and try some outfits on at least,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°Since apparently you won¡¯t be able to try things on in the future¡ªbetter do it now, right?¡± ¡°I did say they go out gradually!¡± Tabitha said again, sticking out her tongue. ¡°But¡­ fine. I am a little interested in all this retro nineties fashion.¡± Alicia watched with interest as Elena opened her mouth to retort, then flicked her eyes down to the rather angelic blouse Tabitha was wearing that went so well with the bleached-white jeans. Tabby looked good today, and though Elena had been one of those popular girls that kept current on trends and normally had no trouble picking apart the usual freshman faux pas in others¡ªthere really wasn¡¯t any room to criticize, here. As a matter of fact, Elena herself was wearing one of the gifted blouses from her right now, and Alicia had likewise paired the blouse Tabitha had given her with a cute dress today. What could Elena possibly say? There wasn¡¯t anything to say, and it was satisfying seeing Elena give up and purse her lips into a pout. Another point in favor of time travel, right?! Tabs was workin¡¯ on the strictest budget of all of us, and still came out ahead of the curve in the wardrobe department. ¡°Fine, it¡¯s¡ªwhatever,¡± Elena threw up her hands. ¡°You do dress fine, but also¡ªyou don¡¯t have a lot of¡­ situational stuff. Back then when we were with your cousins, you were playing tag in your nice clothes. You probably went running in your nice clothes, back when you were running. You need actual athletic wear.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t running in my nice clothes,¡± Tabitha grumbled. ¡°I had old gross clothes I wore for getting all sweaty. And anyways, it¡¯s not like I¡¯m gonna be cleared for anything too strenuous for a while, yet¡ªI had an operation like, three weeks ago. Recovery time for that procedure¡¯s s¡¯posed to be six weeks, so¡ª¡± ¡°Okay yeah, but¡ªtoday¡¯s black friday, when you can get the better deals on athletic wear,¡± Elena made her point with a decisive nod, ushering them both inside. ¡°C¡¯mon, c¡¯mon. And, I did see you getting all sweaty in your nice clothes¡ªyou were running around the playground in them, doing¡­ I dunno, backflips and somersaults and pulling out three-hundred-sixty-degree black belt Van Dammes, or whatever.¡± ¡°Th-that¡¯s¡ªthat¡¯s not even a real thing!¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°I do believe you just made that up.¡± ¡°Damn, she was doin¡¯ Van Dammes?¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Make sure you guys bring me next time, I wanna see Tabs doin¡¯ split-kicks and shit.¡± She followed her friends into the busy store, where they were forced to squeeze past people in a single-file line to even get to where they could browse through some of the racks. After only a bare few minutes of sifting through the garments hung up for the black friday promotion Alicia found herself tempted into picking out something¡ªa pair of greenish nylon parachute pants that was displayed with a long-sleeved dugout tee. Alicia thought it¡¯d look rather smart on her, they had the pants in size 15, and¡ªwait, no, this peekaboo sweater with the color blocked top and sleeves would go even better with it. White and green would go way better on me than the white and blue. By the time she turned her attention back to her friends, she found that Tabitha had likewise picked out an outfit, somehow managing to pick out something Elena didn¡¯t approve of. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ really?¡± Elena crossed her arms. ¡°All this great stuff on the women¡¯s side, and you have to pick out boys clothing? Just to be contrary?¡± ¡°What? C¡¯mon, it¡¯s very nineties!¡± Tabitha said, holding up what she¡¯d found. ¡°Sporty, but also kinda rugged? I want to go for that Avril Lavigne sort of skater girl look.¡± ¡°Avril Lavigne?¡± Elena repeated in confusion. ¡°Yeah¡ªAvril Lavigne?¡± Tabitha nodded, turning the garment this way and that. ¡°No idea what that is,¡± Elena said. ¡°Skate brand? Ska music thing?¡± ¡°No, she¡¯s¡ª¡± Tabitha¡¯s expression fell. ¡°Not famous yet, I guess? I thought for sure she was a late nineties thing? Alicia; Avril Lavigne?¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°No? Sorry? But hey, what do you guys think about this one for me? Yes? No?¡± ¡°Yeah, that looks really good,¡± Elena nodded in approval. ¡°Yeah?¡± Alicia¡¯s enthusiasm soared at the validation. ¡°Tabitha?¡± ¡°I like it,¡± Tabitha also gave her a thumbs up. ¡°Wait¡ªhow much is it?¡± ¡°Cheap as hell!¡± Alicia reported. ¡°Was on a Black Friday rack. These are 29.99, and the top is¡ªtoday looks like only 14.99? Lots of pockets, too.¡± ¡°Go for it, absolutely,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It¡¯ll look great on you. Oh¡ªand, now that I think about it, you¡¯re not wearing glasses? I¡¯ve never seen you wear glasses.¡± ¡°Glasses?¡± Alicia tilted her head. ¡°No? I don¡¯t wear glasses.¡± ¡°I just, it¡¯s one of the things I definitely remember from that Hometown Heroes thing,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°In your photo in the future, you had those big, thick-framed glasses.¡± ¡°I¡ªwait, what?!¡± Alicia exclaimed. ¡°Is that¡ªare you¡ªare saying my eyes gonna go bad?!¡± ¡°I mean, you were older in that photo,¡± Tabitha hurried to reassure her. ¡°I just wasn¡¯t sure if you wear glasses now or not. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve seen you wear them? A lot of people have to start wearing glasses or contacts when they get older.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t listen to her, that¡¯s a myth,¡± Elena rolled her eyes in exasperation. ¡°If you don¡¯t have bad eyesight now, you¡¯re fine. You won¡¯t need reading glasses or that kind of thing ¡®til you¡¯re like, old enough to be retired. Plus, contact lenses? My mom says they do more harm than good, like, wearing them actually damages your eyes in the long term.¡± ¡°What?¡± Tabitha shot Elena a look of disbelief. ¡°No way. Soft lenses have been around since like¡­ the mid-eighties? Right?¡± ¡°Am I¡­ am I gonna go blind?!¡± Alicia put on her most aggrieved look. ¡°Give it to me straight, Doc¡ªwill I ever see again?!¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯re fine,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You looked¡ªhappy. Successful. We know for sure you get to be an amazing artist, and, honestly? Alicia, you kind of already are.¡± Alicia warmed at the praise and returned to flipping through the hangers of womens tops as Elena and Tabitha continued to quibble over the ¡®April Lavigne¡¯ or whatever outfit. Holiday music was audible over the conversation, apparently Tabitha didn¡¯t actually know how to skateboard but that for some reason didn¡¯t matter, and Elena was still of a mind to put Tabitha in some of the more traditional feminine offerings on display to try out those styles on her, while an argument could be made that Elena was being a bit hypocritical to insist on that for Tabitha while eschewing such styles herself to instead go gothic. Honestly, I do think Tabs could pull off a punk girl sort of NO DOUBT kinda look. She¡¯s got that sort of weird vibe to her. Not BAD weird, just¡ªalternative sorta style? I dunno. Something to outwardly sort of indicate how DIFFERENT she really is, because no one seems to see it at first. With Alicia¡¯s pick and two outfits for Tabitha pending, the girls eventually made their way to the back of the store where a substantial queue had formed for the four dressing room stalls. The rare one or two shoppers here on their own seemed to be in and out quick, but virtually everyone else was with someone and needed to step out for a moment for their friend or partner¡¯s second opinions, making the wait exceptionally tedious. In fact, the longer they stood there, the more she thought Elena¡¯s position on the fitting rooms thing had some credence to it¡ªit was hard to even picture them simply not being a thing anymore in the future. When the gaggle of Sandboro teens ahead of them was finally done trying on clothes and they got their turn, Alicia shooed Tabitha in to change. She wanted to see how the two different ensembles¡ªTabitha¡¯s choice and Elena¡¯s choice looked on her, how they compared, and also¡­ Alicia just wasn¡¯t all that comfortable using a public dressing room or changing clothes when other people were nearby. And a little too embarrassed to come out and admit it. She knew for sure she was getting what she picked out, and was fine just waiting off to the side of the stall like a wallflower. ¡°So¡­¡± Alicia said, shifting their big games bag from one hand to the other. ¡°So¡­¡± Elena replied. ¡°You still think she¡¯s delusional,¡± Alicia accused in a teasing voice, squinting her eyes at gothic friend. ¡°I didn¡¯t even say anything,¡± Elena shrugged, keeping her attention on the dressing room door. ¡°You gonna actually try anything on?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t change the subject!¡± Alicia elbowed her. ¡°You didn¡¯t say it, but you¡¯re still thinkin¡¯ it. You think she¡¯s delusional.¡± ¡°Stop, ow,¡± Elena swatted Alicia¡¯s arm away. ¡°Your elbow¡¯s like, extra bony.¡± ¡°Elena¡­¡± Alicia elbowed her again. ¡°Stop it, I bought you a game boy,¡± Elena sighed. ¡°I don¡¯t think she¡¯s delusional. Okay? I think it¡¯s a coping mechanism. It¡¯s not the same thing.¡± ¡°You¡¯re still basically being like, she¡¯s making it all up,¡± Alicia grumbled. ¡°Where¡¯s the faith?¡± ¡°She¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s not like that,¡± Elena said. ¡°She¡¯s very¡­ imaginative. Some of the things she describes make a lot of sense, and other things¡ªlike malls disappearing, those¡¯re all obviously B.S. You realize that, right?¡± ¡°Tabs said it was like this real gradual thing,¡± Alicia argued. ¡°That makes sense. Nothing lasts forever, right? Not even malls.¡± ¡°Shopping is forever,¡± Elena argued. ¡°Shopping is eternal,¡± Alicia giggled, remembering the weird phrases Tabitha had pulled out of her seemingly bottomless hat of ideas back there to impress the Hot Topic girl. ¡°Hark thee and pay tribute, mortals! Pay tribute to commercialization! Pay tribute, sinners!¡± ¡°Shopping is¡­ the social side of economics,¡± Elena insisted, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. ¡°For as long as people exist, they¡¯re going to socialize. And, as long as there¡¯s resources exchanged, there¡¯s going to be an economy. Where these two things meet, there will be malls, so yes¡ªmalls are forever, malls are eternal.¡± ¡°Tabs says that in the future, people don¡¯t really socialize much in person, it¡¯s all done from remote control, like over the world wide web,¡± Alicia said. ¡°It grows up into this whole big thing called social medium.¡± ¡°Okay, well that¡¯s another one of those things that sounds stupid and made up,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°Talking on the phone with people is an entirely different thing, it¡¯s not a substitute for actually being around people and interacting. Plus, this is real life, not Bye Bye Birdie, parents aren¡¯t going to just let everyone rack up their phone bills all the time.¡± ¡°Bye Bye Birdie?¡± Alicia gave Elena a quizzical look. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªa stupid musical,¡± Elena held her hands up. ¡°My mom loves musicals, alright? There¡¯s a bit where like, all the girls in town are on the phone singing with each other, to like, make fun of girls always wasting time gabbing on the phone. When it¡¯s not really even like that in real life to begin with. I hardly ever¡ª¡± The dressing room door opened a few inches and Tabitha peeked her head out. ¡°The one you liked doesn¡¯t fit,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I think¡­ I think I lost some weight?¡± ¡°You have,¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°I told you earlier. I was like, Tabs, you¡¯ve lost weight, and you thought I was just being polite or whatever. I wasn¡¯t, you¡¯ve lost weight. I¡¯ve got an eye for these things.¡± ¡°I¡ªuh,¡± Tabitha paused in embarrassment. ¡°I really did think you were just being polite.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been drawing you from that big blown up photo, so I can tell,¡± Alicia said. ¡°You can see it a bit in your cheekbones, your neck. You¡¯ve lost weight. It¡¯s super obvious.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not super obvious, I can¡¯t tell the difference,¡± Elena frowned. ¡°You look the same as you did before. Step out and let us see the outfit.¡± ¡°No, it, ah, it doesn¡¯t fit,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°The uh, the cups don¡¯t. I either¡ª¡± ¡°Shit, Tabby¡¯s boobs are going,¡± Alicia threw up her hand at the travesty. ¡°That¡¯s the last thing you want to go.¡± ¡°I, um, I either¡ªwell it doesn¡¯t sit right in the front, there¡¯s like, it makes this big gap,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°I¡¯m going to try the other one.¡± ¡°Open up and let us see it, first,¡± Elena said. ¡°C¡¯mon.¡± With a heavy sigh, Tabitha opened the stall¡¯s door and let them see. Alicia found herself surprised¡ªsome part of her had expected Tabitha had been being modest, and that when she stepped out it would be this stunning moment that took their breaths away. The dress was a gorgeous floral print one and the dominant blue patterning was supposed to perfectly complement the color of Tabby¡¯s hair. Unexpectedly, it wound up looking¡­ awful on her, ill-fitting, and she couldn¡¯t immediately put her finger on why. ¡°Huh,¡± Alicia quirked her lip. ¡°Definitely doesn¡¯t fit.¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s like, a lot of the time Tabby wears actual hand-tailored clothing,¡± Elena mused, tapping her lip as she looked Tabitha up and down. ¡°That her and her grandma work on. So, when she instead tries on store-bought stuff like this, it just¡­ disappoints? No offense.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what I said in the first place!¡± Tabitha growled, pinching the fabric at her waistline and trying to pull it back so that the dress would sit correctly. ¡°I can tell it doesn¡¯t fit right.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s see if that one has any smaller sizes,¡± Elena said. ¡°It¡¯s not¡­ completely bad. It just needs to be taken in in a few places.¡± ¡°Tabs¡ªElena doesn¡¯t believe in social medium,¡± Alicia tattled. ¡°Social¡ªwhat?¡± Tabitha burst into laughter. ¡°Social medium? Are you doing that on purpose? It¡¯s social media.¡± ¡°Pfft, well, close enough, same thing,¡± Alicia flushed. ¡°She thinks it sounds stupid.¡± ¡°Well, she¡¯s right, it¡¯s so stupid,¡± Tabitha made a bitter face. ¡°But¡ª¡± Alicia froze. ¡°You said it was a real thing, in the future. That everyone was into it?¡± ¡°It is a real thing, it will be,¡± Tabitha made a disgusted face. ¡°Doesn¡¯t make it any less stupid or awful.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a contradiction,¡± Elena pointed out. ¡°If it was stupid and awful, everyone wouldn¡¯t be into it.¡± ¡°I wish that were the case,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°It brings to mind this bit from a Neil Gaiman book I read, about a gambling den where everyone was getting cheated¡ª¡®Davy, why do you go there¡ªdon¡¯t you know the game is crooked?¡¯ ¡®Of course it¡¯s crooked,¡¯ Davy replies, ¡®but damn, it¡¯s the only game in town!¡¯ It¡¯s a little bit like that. Once all of your friends and family are using it, you always get sucked back into it somehow.¡± Alicia felt herself smiling for no reason, and she was glad she didn¡¯t have Tabitha¡¯s lily-white complexion, or she was sure one of them would notice her blushing out of turn. Her weird maybe-a-crush feelings for Tabitha always seemed to catch her off-guard at strange moments. To her surprise, it wasn¡¯t that her friend had stepped out of the dressing room stall looking like a runway model¡ªon the contrary, the dress they¡¯d expected would look good on her instead draped in potato-sack kind of ways for some reason. No, what affected Alicia was these unbidden wistful Tabitha moments popping up, where she was able to pull a fully formed thought out and unfold it into a clever quote or expansive idea. All while looking back on these things that hadn¡¯t technically happened yet with the bittersweet nostalgia of someone looking back over days gone by. It was bothersome just how charming it was. It interested Alicia and annoyed her in equal measure, because she wanted to figure out some way how to capture this nuance in a sketch somehow, but had no idea where she would even begin puzzling out how to convey it. Something in Tabitha¡¯s gaze, maybe¡ªbut whenever Alicia had felt that spark and rushed to pencil out Tabitha¡¯s eyes, they would simply stare back at her from the sketchbook page in a blank and meaningless way, absent of that special Tabitha thing. It was infuriating. More than anything concrete and visible like some specific detail Alicia could depict in a drawing, it was this abstract sense she got. From this fascinating way Tabitha carried herself, the cadence of her tone and the way she moved. She¡¯s absolutely been there before, Alicia thought. To the future. What comes ahead isn¡¯t this blank canvas, for her¡ªmuch of it, a lot of it maybe, has been filled in once before, and now she has to navigate that mess and interpret it in the new way she experiences things, in this entirely different approach. Revisiting really old linework and creating something unexpected and impossible with it, and it just¡ªit just¡ªshe draws you in. ¡°Sorry, I can¡¯t even picture it,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°¡®Social media.¡¯ You make it sound like, like¡ªlike the Riddler¡¯s mind control ray thing, from the Batman movie. That one with Jim Carrey.¡± ¡°Batman Forever,¡± Alicia groaned. ¡°Which was awful, by the way.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ hard to describe,¡± Tabitha let the folds of dress drop back down and put her hands on her hips. Though they¡¯d had to wait to get into a dressing room, things had cleared out a bit and no one was pressing them to hurry. All of the people who¡¯d been behind them in line were now in the other stalls changing, or had already finished and moved on towards where a traffic jam of people was waiting to be rung up for their purchases. ¡°It displays as a page, obviously. Or maybe not so obviously, I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s called your feed, and it¡¯s like¡­ picture it like an endless magazine page. You can keep scrolling down it forever and ever. All the um, ¡®articles¡¯ and photos though, they¡¯re curated over from the list of other accounts you follow. Friends, family, fandoms. In semi-chronological order, it¡¯s¡ªnot quite in the exact timing order that other accounts post things, because more popular things have more weighting. Popular meaning more people clicked like or thumbs up on it. It¡¯s complicated.¡± ¡°Give us an example, then,¡± Elena pressed. ¡°And spin around, let us see the whole thing.¡± ¡°Okay, so I¡¯d open up¡­ Facebook,¡± Tabitha cringed, looking from Alicia to Elena as she awkwardly turned around. ¡°It¡¯s honestly weird that you guys don¡¯t know to judge me for that. There¡¯s a lot of different kinds of feeds. Facebook, Twitter, Alphapage, Instagram, Weibo, Reddit¡ªa lot of big ones even basically went extinct, like Tumblr, Google Plus. Anyways, so if I was on Facebook, that basically means um, older family members like my parents, a few of my coworkers I was on okayish terms with, and some old acquaintances. You would normally just, uh, assume that from me mentioning Facebook, and it¡¯s not something I would have to explain.¡± ¡°So, all of these social mediums are like¡­ different flavors for different occasions,¡± Alicia guessed. ¡°Same as there being magazines that cater towards different groups. Right?¡± ¡°Right! Kinda,¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°Social media, not mediums. But like, Facebook is like the first big one for boomers, uh, people our parent¡¯s ages, so while our generation moves on to all these other better ones, older folk just tend to stick to this one thing they know.¡± ¡°¡®Face¡­ book,¡¯¡± Elena sounded out the name. ¡°It¡­ it sounds dumb, Tabby. It¡¯s the first big social media?¡± ¡°I know it sounds dumb,¡± Tabitha groaned. ¡°You¡¯re not even wrong, it is dumb! But, uh technically no, the first big innovative platform was called Myspace. It sort of dwindled out of relevance and rebranded into some kind of music thing, though. I think. Facebook started off as strictly a social media thing connecting college and university students, but after a couple years opened up to everyone. It snowballed into a tech giant and remained relevant far past when it should have disappeared, simply because by then, everyone¡¯s parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles were dug in there like ticks and not leaving.¡± ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t think my mom and dad would be into that kind of thing,¡± Elena said in a blunt voice. ¡°Don¡¯t see that happening.¡± ¡°They would, though, they will,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Because, it connects them to you. They know you¡¯ll mostly be on these other online platforms where you can be yourself a bit more. They acknowledge and accept that whatever you post to Facebook is a bit more¡­ sanitized. But, whenever you go on a beach trip or canoe trip and take pictures, whenever you get a new haircut, or start at a new job, they¡¯ll want to see. Facebook¡¯s where you¡¯ll put that.¡± ¡°So, it¡¯s like a family photo album?¡± Elena couldn¡¯t help but remain skeptical. ¡°We already have those, they¡¯re called¡ªfamily photo albums.¡± ¡°She¡¯s kinda got you there,¡± Alicia raised an eyebrow. ¡°It¡¯s a bit like that, and a bit different,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m not saying all of these future things are completely ground-breaking, totally brand new concepts. A lot of things just sort of evolve and merge into bigger entities¡ªthat¡¯s social media. Part of it¡¯s that it¡¯s a family photo album, but one your entire family sees in their feeds, instantly, as soon as you post up pictures. It¡¯s instant connectivity.¡± ¡°But, people take the time to actually do all of that?¡± Elena crossed her arms. ¡°It¡¯s not instant if everyone has to go through and prepare it, put it all up. Magazine articles aren¡¯t instantly created, they take an entire team of people to put together and a ton of hard work. Photography isn¡¯t instant at all, either.¡± ¡°No¡ªit¡¯s instant,¡± Tabitha laughed, turning to regard Elena. ¡°I really mean that; instant. These little amateur articles aren¡¯t full-blown essays or travelogs, but you can expect a few lines or a paragraph of people you know, typing in what they want to say. Photos really are instant in the future. They aren¡¯t taken to be developed over a weekend, then paid for and picked up, scanned through a fax or copier into digital, put on a disk, disk loaded into a computer, and then slowly uploaded to this internet feed. That whole process is instant. Everyone¡¯s phones are portable, everyone¡¯s phones have camera functionality, and everyone¡¯s phones are connected to social media. From picture-taking to posting takes literal seconds, it¡¯s just you tapping your finger on the screen a couple times, and¡ªthat¡¯s it.¡± ¡°Very futuristic,¡± Elena rolled her eyes again. ¡°How high-tech. How convenient.¡± If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°Well, it¡¯s coming and it can¡¯t be stopped,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°The cell towers are already going up, coverage will be complete. The different carrier networks are probably in their infancy being programmed or coded or whatever right now as we speak. Once everyone¡¯s connected with their own little devices, that¡¯s it¡ªcivilization changes, and social media is here for good.¡± ¡°We already have television,¡± Alicia pointed out. ¡°It doesn¡¯t sound that different.¡± ¡°It¡¯s extremely different,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Television is media, but it¡¯s one-way. One side creates and sends, the other side receives and watches. Social media is everyone creating and sending, everyone receiving and watching or reading.¡± ¡°So, it¡¯s like anyone can have their own TV channel?¡± Alicia let out an incredulous laugh. ¡°That¡¯s great and all, but who would watch them?¡± ¡°Hundreds of thousands of people do set up their own Youtube channels or Podcasts or Twitch channels or streams of different kinds and become minor celebrities, yes,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Millions upon millions of people watch and comment and follow these things.¡± ¡°Wait, what about¡ªlike me, would I make a channel for like, showing off my artwork?¡± Alicia¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°You could,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°But, I¡¯d imagine you would mostly use a platform specifically for that, like DeviantArt. While also posting your stuff to Twitter and Pixiv, maybe? To get your art the most reach. Even an unknown artist can suddenly get a big viral following if they post up Harry Potter fanart or something and groups pick up on it and share it everywhere.¡± ¡°Harry Potter,¡± Elena repeated. ¡°Harry Potter like, the children¡¯s book Harry Potter?¡± ¡°You¡­wait, you know about Harry Potter?¡± Tabitha appeared stunned. ¡°How?¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t read it, no,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°But I know it¡¯s a book, it was at the last book fair.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Tabitha chuckled, her gaze going far-off. ¡°Well, it¡¯s maybe one book now, but it gets big. Seven books, eight movies¡ªbecause they split the last one into two films¡ªand then a spin-off prequel trilogy and a few TV series, even.¡± ¡°Wait, big like, Star Wars big?¡± Alicia¡¯s eyes went wide. ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha gave a decisive nod. ¡°About that big. Maybe more?¡± ¡°So, it¡¯s really good?¡± Alicia felt herself getting hyped up. ¡°Like, if it gets huge, it has to be really good, right? But, you¡¯ll know all the good stuff so we can get right in on it!¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ª¡± Tabitha¡¯s expression went through a full range of faces from smiling to cringing and back again towards laughter. ¡°It¡¯s something. Oh, it¡¯s not bad, except maybe the spin-off stuff where they were obviously just milking it¡¯s brand name value. Harry Potter¡¯s a very¡­ compelling series of youth novels that you¡¯ll enjoy reading, just¡ªsome parts don¡¯t hold up too well if you think about them too hard, stuff like that. The fanbase also started to get a little cringy, it was always an alpha meme that ¡®lennials and zoomers couldn¡¯t grasp anything going on in politics without relating it in Harry Potter terms.¡± Alicia exchanged a confused glance with Elena and then arched an eyebrow back at Tabitha. ¡°Okay¡­¡± Alicia ticked up three fingers one at a time. ¡°Alpha meme, lennials, zoomers?¡± ¡°Oh, uh, those are the generations,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Generation Y is us, we get called millennials or just ¡®lennials. If you were born anywhere from ninety-five to two thousand and ten you get labeled gen Z, they get called zoomers. After that is generation alpha, and then generation beta, which is this entire stupid rabbithole of memes all on its own.¡± Tabitha stared back at them for a moment. ¡°Oh, um, memes are inside jokes on the internet, conveyed with poorly put together images. Mostly¡­ recognizable faces or expressions from different things we associate with certain reactions or situations. Or mashups of older memes, lazily applied to whatever current context with someone shopping¡ªum, photoshopping in a line of text. That¡¯s memes. I just had to explain memes, F-M-L. I¡¯m so done.¡± Tabitha had begun her explanation in earnest, but her expression drew into a pained one as she continued, until she delivered the last bit with a somehow defeated look of disbelief, as if she couldn¡¯t believe what she was saying. The redhead then turned on her heel and strode back into the dressing room, closing the door behind her. A distant thump that followed may have been Tabitha knocking her forehead against the far wall in aggravation, or that might have been Alicia¡¯s imagination¡ªwith their strange friend again out of earshot it was difficult to tell. ¡°See?!¡± Alicia folded her arms and glared at Elena. ¡°That, all of¡­ that. You¡¯re trying to tell me she made all that up, she just happened to come up with all these super convoluted explanations with all their own weird vocabulary that probably requires graphs and charts to actually make sense of, on the off chance that one of us might bring it up whatever related subject someday?!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Elena held out her hands and gave such a shrug this time that her shoulders remained raised for a full second. ¡°She¡¯s like¡ªshe does improv acting practice stuff with her mom. She¡¯s really smart. Creative. So, she¡¯s good at¡­ stuff like this. I guess.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t explain her prepping for the shooting,¡± Alicia snarked. ¡°She knew it was about to happen, and was like, literally getting ready for it.¡± ¡°No offense or anything, but she lives in a bad area,¡± Elena countered. ¡°Maybe she saw someone get hurt, or was afraid there¡¯d be a¡ªI don¡¯t know¡ªa robbery, or a stabbing, or people fighting. She¡¯d think about those sorts of things, more than a normal person like us would. Her whole background of being in a trailer park makes her like, more inclined to hyper fixate on her future and the future in general, and what all she¡¯s going to do to get away from living in poverty. A lot of things make sense that way.¡± ¡°She saw my artwork in the future,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Specifically described it to me, when besides the crappy rough version of it I¡¯ve tried that no one else but you has ever even seen is something that still only exists in my head! Explain that, ¡®Lena.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know how to explain that,¡± Elena admitted with another shrug. ¡°We¡¯ll figure that out.¡± ¡°What are you gonna do if she¡¯s right about the terrorist thing?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Are you gonna believe her then?¡± ¡°She¡¯s not right about the terrorist thing,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°You saw her get super worked up about it, you know she believes it¡¯s gonna happen,¡± Alicia dropped her voice to a harsh whisper, flicking eyes back towards the changing room door. ¡°So, if it happens for real¡­?¡± ¡°It won¡¯t, it¡¯s just¡ªit¡¯s a bunch of little random things coming together, then that gets spun into something else by her imagination,¡± Elena reasoned. ¡°Think about it. Plane hijackings? Come on, Alicia.¡± ¡°What?¡± Alicia challenged. ¡°It could happen.¡± ¡°What big blockbusters just came out in the past few years?¡± Elena gave her a sardonic look. ¡°Air Force Once came out last year¡ªthe one with Harrison Ford as the president, remember? Right before that¡ªCon Air, with Nicholas Cage. ¡°She saw these high profile movies about plane hijackings, and they made some kind of subconscious thing on her. Just like a whole bunch of impressionable people got scared to get on flights for a bit, right after those came out, I heard my parents chuckling over that from the news. But, Alicia¡ªit¡¯s not real. ¡°There¡¯s airport security, there¡¯s all sorts of safety things, there¡¯s metal detectors and x-ray scanner machines that see through luggage and drug-sniffing police dogs and everything, in real life you just can¡¯t bring guns onto an airliner and wave them around and take it over. You can¡¯t even fire them, because that decompresses the entire plane, like, explosive decompression. Cabins are pressurized¡ªI¡¯ve been on a plane trip before, I know what I¡¯m talking about.¡± Alicia had gotten herself worked up a bit into opposition over Elena doubting Tabitha so much, but each of Elena¡¯s words dampered more and more of the ire she felt. Just like Tabs got so convincing when she went on about these hypothetical futures, Elena¡¯s reasoning started to feel just as sound and grounded. She¡¯s¡ªyeah she does make sense. Fuck. Am I just¡ªnaive? Do I just WANT Tabby to be special because she¡¯s, uh, special to me? In that way? Am I letting feelings like, cloud my judgment? ¡°Not to mention¡ªcrashing them into buildings?¡± Elena went on. ¡°That¡¯s stupid and so pointless. If they wanted to just destroy big, high-profile buildings, they would just use bombings, that¡¯s what terrorists do. Explosives are simple and effective. I mean, flying into a building? Like Japanese kamikaze pilots? There¡¯s a reason that didn¡¯t continue to be a thing even in war. Super impractical, a million things you can¡¯t plan for that can go wrong. ¡°From Tabby¡¯s version of it, you¡¯d need criminals who are somehow also miraculously trained to fly jet liners, which is like a specialized profession, you¡¯d almost certainly lose those actual valuable hijackers piloting the plane, you¡¯d lose the plane itself, those cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and the passengers? All of those could be ransomed for an unspeakable amount of money. C¡¯mon.¡± ¡°Yeah, maybe,¡± Alicia grudgingly admitted. ¡°Still, though.¡± ¡°The entire time listening to Tabby I was sympathetic that she¡¯s worked up about it, but also like, are you serious?¡± Elena ranted. ¡°If a fourteen year old girl like me can poke all sorts of holes in this right away, maybe it doesn¡¯t magically become the biggest terrorist event ever in human history? All that airport security stuff aside, I don¡¯t think an airliner¡¯s autopilot would even let them just dive down into city airspace, and if they did? There¡¯s air traffic control. Flight towers and everything, monitoring all the flight¡¯s positions on those glowy green radar screens, like you see in movies. What she described literally isn¡¯t possible.¡± Elena sighed again. ¡°I just¡ªI don¡¯t believe it. Now, I¡¯m not saying she¡¯s lying to us, either. Yeah, I did see the way she got, how shaken up she was even just talking about it. I know she believes what she¡¯s saying. That worries me even more, because¡ªwhat happens when we get to whatever date and nothing happens? Does her whole constructed reality just crash down? Does she have a little breakdown, or something? I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t know what all even pushed her so far that she got to these¡­ yes, delusion sort of things, and that worries me. I¡¯m really glad she¡¯s away from her parents, at least.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ all that really worries me too,¡± Alicia said at last. ¡°Things seem to be looking up, though?¡± ¡°I hope so, yeah,¡± Elena said. ¡°You know she made her parents come to my church a couple Sundays ago? At First Presbyterian. Even that¡¯s weird and surreal. It¡¯s supposed to be the other way around, parents making their kids go. Her mom had this like, terrified look in her eyes the whole time, and the dad was just kinda¡ªthere. Going through the motions, showing up because they made him go. It¡¯s so weird.¡± ¡°Ugh, you got to see Tabitha though,¡± Alicia grumbled. ¡°I¡¯m jealous. I hardly ever get to see her anymore, and our church is all the way out in Fairfield.¡± ¡°You¡¯re Methodist, right?¡± Elena pursed her lips. ¡°I think that¡¯s where Tabby¡¯s going this next Sunday, she should be going to church with the Williams and all of them. They¡¯re Methodists. I might try to convince my mom to take us there for service. Matthew and Casey are both there, Olivia goes there, they actually have a big youth group there.¡± ¡°I want to,¡± Alicia let out an exasperated groan. ¡°But, I don¡¯t think my parents will even try it. My mom¡¯s friends all go to the Methodist one over in Fairfield, so she won¡¯t want to go to the one in Springton.¡± ¡°I get it, yeah,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°But, like¡ªtalk to them about it. You need time with your friends, too. Right?¡± ¡°I¡ªyeah, I really do,¡± Alicia affirmed. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll bug my dad about it.¡± They lapsed into companionable silence for a minute after that, because both of them had a lot to think about. Alicia really did want to believe Tabitha had been to the future. But, on the other hand Elena¡¯s pragmatic rationality seemed just as realistic as Tabitha¡¯s postulations about the future. There was surely some decisive proving point one way or another, but until then it felt like she was grappling to accept both outcomes at once. When the fitting room door opened and Tabitha walked out, Alicia¡¯s attention jerked back to her as if her choice of outfit would prove something, be more impressive than the one Elena had chosen for her. ¡°It¡¯s¡­¡± Alicia was simply baffled. ¡°Huh. That¡¯s it?¡± ¡°What do you think?¡± Tabitha for one seemed pleased, pirouetting one the ball of her foot so they could see the entire look. ¡°I¡¯d need eyeliner and probably a ballcap and tie to really pull the whole thing off, but. How do I look?!¡± ¡°You look¡­ strange?¡± Elena seemed to struggle to phrase it in a polite way. ¡°It¡¯s cute, I guess, in a¡­ boyish kind of way? Was that what you were going for?¡± Unlike the nylon parachute pants Alicia had opted for, the ones Tabby had picked were a bit more militaristic looking, but with the many pockets adding volume they looked more like cargo pants on her petite figure. The top she¡¯d paired with it showed a sliver of extremely pale tummy and otherwise seemed¡­ okayish? Overall, the attire didn¡¯t really make a distinct look, it was just kind of¡­ different things worn together, without rhyme or reason. Alicia didn¡¯t know what to think. ¡°He was a skater boy¡ª She said see you later boy¡ª He wasn¡¯t good enough for her! She had a pretty face¡ª But her head was up in space¡ª She needed to come back down to earth¡ª!¡± Out of absolutely nowhere, Tabitha suddenly sang a clever little ditty and bopped along to it. The affected confidence to her voice magnified the cute-but-tough-girl attitude, and for a brief indescribable moment it all clicked and became more than the sum of its parts. It was a glimpse into something else, something beyond, something really special and compelling that maybe only Tabby could really see, that Tabitha was struggling to convey across to them. The moment passed almost before it even got going, and had Alicia feel like she almost just missed something really big and important. ¡°Yes? No?¡± Tabitha grinned down at the outfit again. ¡°I think I really like it.¡± ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s¡­?¡± Elena looked unsettled now when she spoke. ¡°Go for it, then. If you like it¡ªbuy it, for sure. You can maybe make it work?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha agreed, seemingly unaware of the way they were both looking at her. ¡°I mean, plus it has pockets. It has so many pockets!¡±
After spending more money and then wading through the masses of Black Friday shoppers, they found themselves gravitating towards the Sandboro Mall¡¯s food court. It was even more crowded here, with no apparent vacancies across the wide swath of tables and lines forming up in front of each of the various food vendors. The greasy smell of Sbarros pizza combatted the fresh-baked aroma of pretzels from the Auntie Annie¡¯s nearby them, but the Baskin Robbins and Manchu Wok across the way also looked pretty appetizing. No! I can¡¯t just keep having ice cream, Tabitha reprimanded herself. I shouldn¡¯t really be having ANY of these. Just, oh my gosh they smell so GOOD¡­ ¡°How am I so hungry all the sudden?¡± Alicia seemed to give voice to Tabitha¡¯s rebellious thoughts in a daze of her own. ¡°What time is it?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have my phone,¡± Tabitha replied on reflex. ¡°Your¡­ phone?¡± Elena chuckled. ¡°Uh, you mean your watch?¡± ¡°Same thing,¡± Tabitha sighed, putting her hand to her forehead. REALLY starting to wish I hadn¡¯t let ¡®Licia talk me into bringing Elena into the loop on the time travel stuff. I KNEW Elena was going to be against it, never believe it¡¯s even possible. ¡°It¡¯s a future thing,¡± Alicia explained in a cheeky voice. ¡°Tabs said that they call everything a phone in the future. Even if it¡¯s a watch, or a camera or whatever. Sort of like how every restaurant in the future is called Taco Bell¡ªno matter what kind of place it is.¡± ¡°Okay, I¡¯ve seen that one at least,¡± Elena perked up. ¡°The one where like, whenever somebody swears, the programmed stuff automatically hears it? And prints out a fine for you, hah.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s not forget the three seashells!¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°The¡ªwhat? Seashells? Now I¡¯m lost,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but giggle. ¡°What seashells?¡± ¡°It¡¯s from¡ª¡± Alicia paused, quirking her head. ¡°Did you hear that?¡± ¡°Hear what?¡± Tabitha glanced around them, unable to make out more than holiday music over the sound of so many other conversations going on around the food court plaza. ¡°Someone just called my name, I heard¡ª¡± Alicia turned and then did a little hop. ¡°Hey! Over there.¡± To Tabitha¡¯s surprise, she discovered Matthew standing up over at one of the tables. Sitting there with him were Casey and Hannah, the former leaning back her chair to wave and the latter focused on unboxing a toy of some kind. It wasn¡¯t easy to pick their way past all the seated people in the food court while handling all the purchases the girls had already made, but they did manage to squeeze through over to them, and they gathered in tight around the four seater table. ¡°Hey hey hey,¡± Casey drawled. ¡°What¡¯s shakin¡¯, ladies?¡± ¡°Hi Hannah!¡± Alicia waved. ¡°Do you remember me?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah looked up. ¡°You¡¯re¡ªI remember you.¡± ¡°Of course she remembers Alicia,¡± Matthew helpfully supplied. ¡°Hannah, you met her at the Halloween party. She goes to art club with Casey and me.¡± ¡°Alicia,¡± Hannah repeated. ¡°I remember you.¡± ¡°Then, this is Elena,¡± Tabitha reintroduced her friend. ¡°You won¡¯t recognize her, because she dyed her hair and changed her look.¡± ¡°I still recognize you,¡± Hannah nodded, distracted by her toy. It was more than a little exasperating to realize that either Matthew or Casey was continuing the trend of buying the little girl even more things, but perhaps it was difficult to take Hannah out now without buying her something. From the packaging all over the table this seemed to be some doll with Generation Girl: Dance Party branding, by appearances a kind of Barbie that had been trapped inside a late nineties MTV special. Off to the side a few trays were stacked, a pile of crumpled napkins and paper cups atop them from whenever they¡¯d eaten. ¡°Were you waiting for us?¡± Tabitha asked, turning a sheepish smile towards Matthew. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, we lost track of time. I don¡¯t have my ph¡ªum, I didn¡¯t bring a watch.¡± ¡°Nah, we were just¡ªhere, sit, please,¡± Matthew seemed to realize they were all standing. ¡°We were just chillin¡¯,¡± Casey filled in. ¡°Right, Hannah? Chillin.¡¯¡± ¡°We were just chillin,¡¯¡± Hannah repeated. ¡°We already ate.¡± ¡°It¡¯s suuuper crowded everywhere, and we already walked around a bunch,¡± Casey stretched out her arms. ¡°Looks like you guys bought a ton of stuff, wow.¡± ¡°Girls, c¡¯mon, sit,¡± Matthew asked again with a laugh. ¡°I got told to look out for all of you, especially Tabitha. Make sure you¡¯re not overwhelmed by all of, you know, the Black Friday craziness crowds here.¡± ¡°Yeah, siddown,¡± Casey agreed. ¡°Hannah, there¡¯s only four chairs and you¡¯re little¡ªwhy don¡¯t you come sit on my lap?¡± ¡°Actually, I think we were ¡®bout to go around and get food,¡± Alicia said, turning to Elena. ¡°¡®Lena¡ªyou¡¯ve gotta let me buy your lunch, since you bought me a thing.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªsure,¡± Elena gave another trademark shrug. ¡°Cool.¡± ¡°Tabs?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Buy you lunch?¡± ¡°Oh, I¡ªno, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I had a, um, a big breakfast.¡± ¡°You did not!¡± Hannah looked up from fiddling with her doll. ¡°You only had two slices of toast!¡± ¡°Hannah,¡± Tabitha wore an aggrieved expression. ¡°You can¡¯t just tattle on me. That¡¯s not cool!¡± ¡°Good job, Hannah!¡± Alicia praised, offering the seven year old a high-five. ¡°Tabs¡ªbuyin¡¯ you lunch, don¡¯t argue. Either of you feeling Wendy¡¯s?¡± ¡°Wendy¡¯s is cool,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°I¡¯m cool with whatever.¡± ¡°We can hold down the table here for you, watch your stuff,¡± Matthew said. ¡°You¡¯re¡ªwow, you guys did buy a ton. Electronics Boutique?¡± ¡°Christmas stuff for my cousins¡ªdon¡¯t peek!¡± Tabitha quickly interjected, raising her eyebrows and jerking her head in a meaningful way. Matthew¡¯s eyes quickly darted towards where Hannah was being pulled into Casey¡¯s lap, showing he understood. Hannah had way too many things, and Tabitha felt sure that if Hannah knew there was a literal pile of brand new Gameboy Colors in their bag, she would also want one immediately. While Tabitha would welcome Hannah into their little group if they were all going to play Pokemon together, she felt it was a conversation to be had first with Mr. and Mrs. Macintire. ¡°Alright c¡¯mon, c¡¯mon, I¡¯m starving!¡± Alicia flashed Tabitha a bright smile. ¡°And you need to start getting meat back on your bones, missy. No more skipping meals, or fasting, or whatever fashion model stick figure¡­ bulimic fad diet thing you¡¯re into. Hannah¡¯s gonna make sure you¡¯re eating well when we ask her. Right, Hannah?¡± ¡°Right. You have to eat to have energy, school even says so,¡± Hannah reasoned. ¡°We¡¯re gonna be generation girls, so we need lots of energy. Generation girls gotta groove.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right, babe!¡± Casey echoed, leaning over Hannah to pat out a little drum beat on the tabletop with her palms. ¡°Us generation girls, we gotta groove.¡±
They ordered burger meals together, and Elena watched Alicia hound Tabitha about eating everything on her tray. None of them missed the fact that Tabby slipped almost all of her fries over towards Casey and Hannah, who were both more than happy to help her finish them. Everyone being together like this was fun, although also a little bittersweet. Elena was over Matthew, mostly, but there was still a little heartache watching him with Casey, as well as a few more realizations she wasn¡¯t sure she was ready for. Whatever kind of girl Elena imagined Matthew would go for, Casey wasn¡¯t what she would have ever pictured. Rather than popular or gorgeous, Casey was just¡ªCasey. A laid-back social butterfly who didn¡¯t seem to put much effort into how she presented herself. She didn¡¯t flirt with Matthew, she didn¡¯t try to impress him, they were simply friends from youth group and art club. Friends who¡¯d apparently known each other for forever and gotten closer and closer until they realized they were actually a couple. Not a high school dating couple, they¡¯d just casually transformed from teen friends into something like an old married couple. It was weird how not weird it turned out to be. Abnormally normal, Elena decided. I¡¯m not after Matthew anymore really now, but I think I¡¯m even more jealous than I was before? She wanted a boyfriend, but Elena wasn¡¯t exactly sure where a boyfriend was going to appear while she was stubborn on adhering to her gothic persuasion. Ziggy seemed to imply there were a lot of guys for them at shows, which as described seemed like something halfway between a house party and a concert. Those were all a long drive away though, and new friendship or not Elena wasn¡¯t sure she trusted Ziggy so much that she¡¯d go to a show with her. Her mind kept turning back towards it however, because somehow Tabitha had been to one of those already, to see the girl who sung that My Immortal song at some small venue in Arkansas. It was something to think about. Conversation turned this way and that while they sat with Hannah, Casey, and Matthew, but Alicia and Tabitha both avoided bringing up any of the future talk, so Elena respected that. Everyone missed Tabitha and wanted her to come back to Springton High, but also each of them were reluctant to actually ask her to¡ªno one could fault her for leaving. Not after getting pushed and breaking her wrist, not after Erica¡¯s absolute insanity. Then Casey and Matthew both instead pivoted to trying to invite Elena into the school¡¯s art club, while Alicia wore that mysterious smile of hers, pretending to focus only on her burger. Elena was baffled by their interest, because it should have been clear to everyone that she was not an artist. She didn¡¯t draw, or paint, she didn¡¯t have a camera and hadn¡¯t tried photography. After giving them two yeah, maybes and a huh, I¡¯ll think about it, they finally seemed to be dissuaded, but them asking her at all seemed¡­ suspect. Do they think there¡¯s some sort of¡­ correlation, between being GOTH and feeling compelled to express yourself with art? Elena wondered. Maybe there is? For Ziggy it¡¯s definitely just her thing for music, but for me it¡¯s¡­ I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m not sure yet. She might give drawing another try, privately, but she wasn¡¯t sure it was suited for her personality. Elena felt sure that she would look upon whatever it was she created, judge it as inadequate and inconsequential, and not want to keep trying to improve. That was already how her stabs at writing poetry had gone. There was a need within her to really excel at whatever she was doing, and realizing her mediocrity at artistic things made her lose all patience for them right away. I know those kind of things take practice, just¡ªI want to go with something I have more feeling for, something where I have a talent I can bring to bear. Poetry isn¡¯t it. Drawing probably isn¡¯t it, either. I¡¯m¡ªor I was¡ªa people person. My passion is people person things. So, naturally, I instead fuck everything up trying to go goth, because at the time it just made complete sense. After eating, the two groups decided to go their separate ways. Matthew, being the gentleman, offered to take Tabitha¡¯s purchases home since he was going that way with Hannah anyways, so they discreetly separated out the two Gameboy Colors that Elena had bought from the rest. Unburdened of most of the bags, the three girls waved goodbye to Hannah and headed up the escalator to start checking out the shops on the Sandboro Mall¡¯s upper level. A now overexcited Alicia was asking Tabitha about the Pokemon games they would be playing, and Elena listened from the side while taking the time to properly brood on her thoughts. Despite the friends finally having a rare big get-together here¡ªElena honestly couldn¡¯t help but feel peeved at Tabitha. As she soul searched the why in hopes of finding the source of her annoyance, there wasn¡¯t any one particular thing that was bothering her. It was a whole slew of little things, all adding up into a gnawing frustration. The big one is that she didn¡¯t take Ziggy seriously at all, Elena pursed her lips. Like, I don¡¯t know what I could have even expected with those two meeting, but something about the whole encounter just¡­ rubs me the wrong way. Playing the situation back out in her head made some jarring inconsistencies stand out. Ziggy was in her element there at the Hot Topic kiosk in the center of the store. Most everyone that went in there to browse through things were gothic to some degree or had that kind of subculture inclination. Elena knew that Ziggy would throw hostile banter towards anyone entering into her store that was dressed too wholesome, clean-cut, or ¡®preppy.¡¯ So, it¡¯s not Ziggy that was off¡ªZiggy was true to character, Elena decided. It¡¯s Tabitha. Tabitha was¡­ OFF. Tabitha¡¯s not like that with confrontational situations, like anytime with Carrie she was always kinda backpedaling. Avoiding her eyes, while trying to be all mature and sensible, phrase things towards some sort of¡­ diplomatic compromise. But, with Ziggy she just wasn¡¯t, and that¡¯s weird. Ziggy can come on really strong, she¡¯s older than us, she can be intimidating. But, Tabitha wasn¡¯t fazed at all. It was incongruous with Tabitha as a person, the somewhat flippant ¡®oh, it¡¯s just my future perspective¡¯ response they got from Tabitha afterwards rankled, and something just didn¡¯t add up. Why did Tabitha¡¯s future perspective excuse only seem to apply to selective situations? If Tabby was so confident and outspoken, why didn¡¯t she stand up to all of the girls arrayed against her back in Springton High? How could somebody simultaneously be this timid shrinking violet and also waltz into Hot Topic to trade barbs with Ziggy without batting an eyelash? After tormenting herself with this conundrum for almost an entire minute, Elena decided to just stop stewing in this if it was bothering her, and be straightforward Elena about it. ¡°Tabitha¡ªif you¡¯re really from the future, why were you so afraid of the girls at school?¡± Elena asked. ¡°She wasn¡¯t afraid, she just avoided all the B.S.,¡± Alicia predictably leapt to Tabitha¡¯s defense. ¡°Because she didn¡¯t want drama.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°No, Elena¡¯s right. I was afraid, am afraid.¡± ¡°Yeah, afraid of having to deal with their B.S. all the time,¡± Alicia snorted. ¡°It¡¯s not the same.¡± ¡°But, you stood up to Ziggy just fine?¡± Elena probed. ¡°That felt different.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes took that far-off look again. ¡°I¡¯m sure it will seem silly to you. If I¡¯m a sixty-year-old lady, or if I have the memories from my sixty-year-old self, why would I care what teenage girls at school think? The thing is¡­ I wouldn¡¯t have let them get to me if I was still sixty. But, right now, I¡¯m not sixty. They obviously won¡¯t treat me with any deference because of a perceived age difference, there¡¯s no way for anyone else to know that I¡¯m not as I appear to be. And, the shadow they cast on me from my last lifetime was¡­ a long one. I did think it might be easier to deal with, coming back again like this. In some ways, it is. But, mostly it¡¯s not.¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re fine with Ziggy, because she didn¡¯t cast a long shadow over your heart, last lifetime?¡± Alicia asked, interested. ¡°In part,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I didn¡¯t have friends who were¡ªwell, at that age I really just didn¡¯t have friends¡ªbut later on in life I had Julie, and Julie was¡­ you know, edgy. Her writing was dark and horrifying and maybe a little too sexual in the wrong sort of ways. I like to imagine that back in her teen years, she might have been a lot like Ziggy.¡± ¡°You mentioned her before,¡± Alicia remarked. ¡°Julie. You brought her up back then, the night of the shooting when I slept over at your place.¡± ¡°I¡ªyes,¡± Tabitha admitted with some difficulty. ¡°I did.¡± ¡°Julie?¡± Elena asked, feeling that this was another opportunity to catch Tabitha up. ¡°You haven¡¯t talked much about people from your¡­ previous life. Where¡¯s she now?¡± ¡°She¡­ doesn¡¯t exist yet,¡± Tabitha murmured in a low voice. ¡°Julie won¡¯t even be born for another two years.¡± ¡°Wait, so she¡¯s¡ªyou have, er¡ªhad, a friend that much younger than you?¡± Alicia seemed puzzled. ¡°She¡¯s zero years old? Negative two years old?!¡± ¡°Yes, Alicia,¡± Tabitha said in a dry voice. ¡°She¡¯s negative two years old. Julie was my best friend, she was in her twenties and I was¡­ getting towards forty when we started talking all the time online over Discord, which is¡­ it¡¯s a chat program in the future.¡± ¡°So, are you going to find her again when she, uh, grows up?¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Reconnect with her, be friends again?¡± ¡°Not as friends, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m going to adopt her. I guess I¡¯ll be¡­ something more like a mother to her, really.¡± ¡°You¡­ what,¡± Alicia goggled at her. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªweird? Isn¡¯t that kinda weird?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have any other choice,¡± Tabitha said in a matter of fact tone, rubbing absentmindedly at the fiberglass of her cast. ¡°Even if it means things change for her so much that she never grows up into being the person who was my friend. Maybe especially so. When she got to be around our age¡ªtwelve, thirteen, fourteen-ish, her dad started molesting her. I¡¯m not going to let that happen, I can¡¯t let that happen, so I¡¯m not going to. No matter what. I don¡¯t care if I have to fucking kidnap her as a child. I¡¯m stealing her away from all that, before any of that happens. And, I¡¯ll deal with the consequences as they come, if it comes to that.¡± ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± Elena and Alicia shared a baffled look. Is this¡ªis she speaking in code? Saying ¡®Julie¡¯ when she¡¯s actually talking about herself? Elena immediately felt like she was on full alert. Because¡ªwhat the fuck. The ages even match up. If Tabitha¡¯s dad has been molesting her, or anything like that¡­ That¡¯s just not okay. That¡¯s NOT okay. ¡°When I turn twenty one, I¡¯ll legally be able to adopt,¡± Tabitha continued. ¡°Julie¡¯ll be six then. I¡¯m helping out the Macintires with Hannah right now, Hannah¡¯s seven, almost eight. So, this with them is my crash course trial run in whether or not I¡¯m good with kids, I guess. For if I try to go through and do things the legal route, have Julia officially become my adopted daughter.¡± ¡°Julia? Or Julie?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Julia, Julie for short,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Or Brittlestar, online. Julia B. Brittany¡ªJ.B. Brittlestar was her pen name, back when we were both in that purgatory between Royal Road serialization and actual publishing with our fictions. I honestly don¡¯t know what the ¡®B¡¯ stood for in her middle name, maybe I never really remembered. It was something stupid, she did say that. Bethany? Julia Bethany Brittany? Her profile pic was always a spiky-looking starfish with one of those stupid smug anime faces on it. She was an artist, too¡ªah, Alicia, you would have liked her.¡± ¡°So, she was a web friend?¡± Alicia arched an eyebrow. ¡°Or, a real life in-person friend?¡± ¡°Both, we used to meet up,¡± Tabitha quirked her lip. ¡°Well, sort of. She was always traveling, always on the move from one place to another. I guess sometimes she just made sure to stop through and visit me whenever she could, made sure my apartment in Springton was on the way to¡­ wherever she was headed next.¡± ¡°Wait, wait,¡± Elena held up a hand. ¡°So, this with Julie, that¡¯s your overall goal? For this redo at your life. That¡¯s what you¡¯re aiming to accomplish this time?¡± ¡°Uh,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°No, not really. Or, at least I don¡¯t plan it through that way. Who plans for something like this to happen? Who could have known? No, I¡¯m kinda just¡ªworking backwards with things as they go, extrapolating from what I absolutely have to step in and do something about. Was able to help during the shooting. Didn¡¯t do so great turning my school situation around. Really, really let down Ashlee Taylor, and that all turned into a mess. No idea whatsoever how I would ever go about preventing nine-eleven. ¡°But Julie¡ªJulie, I have to save, no matter what.¡± 42, Settling in. ¡°Let¡¯s talk big party, Tabs,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°December 10th, right? The big fourteen, already.¡± ¡°I¡¯m letting Matthew¡¯s mom organize all that,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°I don¡¯t even know where it¡¯ll be. I¡¯m hoping a playground, or a Chuck-E-Cheese, or something along those lines.¡± ¡°A¡­ playground?¡± Elena made a face. ¡°Chuck-E-Cheese? Tabitha, you¡¯re turning fourteen, not nine.¡± ¡°Oh, I know, but¡ªI want my cousins to have fun,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I know I want my cousins to be there, and I¡¯m sure Hannah will be there, so I thought the place should be somewhere the younger kids can all have fun. Since it¡¯ll mostly be younger kids, right?¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna stop you right there,¡± Elena held up a hand. ¡°Your birthday¡¯s about you, not them. What do you want to do for your birthday?¡± ¡°I very honestly have no idea,¡± Tabitha shook her head with an amused smile. ¡°Birthdays aren¡¯t a big deal to me, they just¡ªthey come and they go. Often with little fanfare besides people posting up a happy birthday on your page when Facebook¡¯s automatic thing reminds them to.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ depressing,¡± Alicia groaned. ¡°Stop that. Okay, so; your goof troop cousins. Hannah. Elena and me, obviously. Matthew and Casey?¡± ¡°I¡¯d be fine with them being there, but I don¡¯t think they should feel obligated, or anything,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t know them all that well, yet. I don¡¯t have many close friends besides you guys.¡± ¡°They¡¯ll both be there,¡± Elena promised. ¡°How about Michael and Olivia?¡± ¡°Um¡­?¡± Tabitha was at a loss. ¡°They¡¯re a couple, they were sitting near us at the Halloween party,¡± Elena explained. ¡°Green Power Ranger and¡­ a witch, I think? Don¡¯t know that we all actually talked much, but Michael did like, tackle Erica off of you. He was the first person to react when all of that was going down.¡± ¡°Oh. Yeah, cool,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I should thank him, definitely. I didn¡¯t even know.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll meet him and Olivia this Sunday, probably,¡± Elena guessed. ¡°If you¡¯re going to try the Methodist church here in town the day after tomorrow, they all go there. They¡¯re part of that same youth group Matthew goes to. My Mom and I will be there, too. Some of my Mom¡¯s friends from Springton Presybeterian there were being super snobby about your mother, I guess, and we¡ªMom and I¡ªdecided, we¡¯re making a point.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha looked a little overwhelmed. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to make waves or anything¡ªI was really just trying to get my mother out of the house, for once. Back into a community.¡± ¡°It¡¯s real old drama, not your fault,¡± Elena assured her. ¡°We¡¯re burying it.¡± ¡°Super weird question, but¡­¡± Alicia paused. ¡°Tabs, are you inviting your own parents to your birthday party? Or are they like¡ªpersona non granata?¡± ¡°Persona non grata,¡± Elena corrected. ¡°I know it¡¯s persona non grata,¡± Alicia rolled her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s a joke, granata means hand grenade. Makes the whole thing funnier, ¡®specially for people who don¡¯t realize.¡± ¡°Okay, yeah,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°Sorry. Mom¡¯ll love that one, actually.¡± ¡°I¡¯m inviting my parents,¡± Tabitha let out a small huff. ¡°They have a right to be there. I¡¯d probably be a little upset if they didn¡¯t come.¡± ¡°But like, are you gonna be upset if they do show?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°After¡­ all that.¡± ¡°A little,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°But, also¡ªgood chance to bury the hatchet, I guess. Put it all behind us, try to make amends. Oh! What about Clarissa?¡± ¡°Clarissa?¡± Alicia blinked. ¡°Ginger Spice, girl at the party who apologized,¡± Elena elaborated. ¡°The one who stole Tabitha¡¯s binder from class, and tossed it in a trash can.¡± ¡°Oh. Her.¡± Alicia scowled. ¡°Don¡¯t invite her. Ew.¡± ¡°I said that I was going to forgive her and try to be friends,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Do you guys still see her at school?¡± ¡°Not really,¡± Alicia said. ¡°She was never in any of my classes to begin with.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t really hang out with anyone but Alicia, anymore,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°Clarissa¡¯s kind of the same¡ªher old group kind of turned on her. Threw her under the bus, because they were afraid of being suspended, and things never really patched up. From what I¡¯ve seen.¡± ¡°Good,¡± Alicia snorted. ¡°Serves her right.¡± ¡°If we invite her,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Can you be nice to her?¡± ¡°I¡¯m always nice,¡± Alicia said. ¡°If I don¡¯t have anything nice to say to her, then¡­ I¡¯ll just like, glare and give her dirty looks the whole time. Cross my arms like this. Be all grumpy about it.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha shook her head in dismay at Alicia¡¯s stubborn smile. ¡°I¡¯m going to invite Ashlee Taylor too, Erica¡¯s little sister. I honestly don¡¯t expect her to show up, though.¡± ¡°Cool, cool,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°Anyone else from school? So that we can remember and talk to whoever about it when we see them next.¡± ¡°Not¡­ that I can think of?¡± Tabitha thought about it for a moment. ¡°I really wasn¡¯t very popular. I don¡¯t know many people.¡± ¡°Yeah, but you know all the right people,¡± Alicia grinned, hooking her arm through Elena¡¯s. ¡°Right, ¡®Lena? Quality over quantity, and all that jazz.¡± ¡°Oh wait!¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°Do either of you know Bobby? He¡¯s a freshman.¡± ¡°Bobby Anderson?¡± Elena made a face. ¡°Yeah¡­ everyone knows him.¡± ¡°Bobby like, total jackass Bobby?¡± Alicia gave Tabitha a quizzical look. ¡°Super loud, always messing around?¡± ¡°...Yes?¡± Tabitha faltered. ¡°Would he not be a good person to invite?¡± ¡°Why would you invite him?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Do you know him?¡± ¡°He¡¯s in my¡ªwell he was in my math class, when I was there,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I don¡¯t know him that well, but¡ªhe¡¯s cute? Right?¡± Both Elena and Alicia stopped, and Alicia withdrew her arm so that both friends could cross their arms and put on a serious front for Tabitha. ¡°What?!¡± Tabitha let out an uneasy laugh. ¡°He is a little cute, right? Am I missing something here, or¡ªis there something I don¡¯t know?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s just¡­¡± Elena gave Tabitha an evaluating look. ¡°Bobby? Really?¡± ¡°I guess I could see it,¡± Alicia sighed. ¡°No offense, Tabby.¡± ¡°Are you guys just teasing me?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°He was always nice to me. I ran into him again a few days ago, I think his brother works at the little convenience store just above the trailer park there.¡± ¡°He¡¯s a little cute,¡± Elena conceded. ¡°Just¡ªnot who I would¡¯ve picked for you, at all.¡± ¡°What does that mean?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Who would you have picked?¡± ¡°I do remember him standing up for Tabitha,¡± Alicia added, looking thoughtful now. ¡°When this bunch of be-otches in my other class were all badmouthing Tabs, spreading talk around. He was all like ¡®y¡¯all are all full of shit,¡¯ or something like that. I don¡¯t remember.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Oh,¡± Elena remarked. ¡°That¡¯s different, then¡ªyeah, we can invite him for you.¡± ¡°Tabs, serious talk,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Are you interested in Bobby?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know! A little, kinda,¡± Tabitha tried hard not to be flustered. ¡°Maybe not interested, interested. He seemed cool to be around.¡± ¡°Cool¡­ how?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Not judging! Just tryin¡¯ to wrap my mind around it. It¡¯s Bobby.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°He makes me feel¡­ comfortable?¡± Both of her friends stared at her. ¡°Like I can be myself,¡± Tabitha continued on in exasperation. ¡°Like I wouldn¡¯t have to try to present myself any certain way, like he¡¯ll be cool with just me being me. I uh, that¡¯s just this impression I got, though! I remember being all tired and frazzled and kind of¡ªdumping a bunch of random weird babble on him without thinking, and he was just completely cool and rolled with it. He¡¯s seen me cry, too. Uhh, fine, in all honestly, I¡¯ve barely even talked to him. Is this a yes or a no?¡± ¡°Okay, then,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I approve¡ªwe can invite Bobby.¡± ¡°Just, so you¡¯re aware,¡± Elena warned her. ¡°If you¡¯re friends with Bobby, if you¡¯re interested in Bobby¡ªBobby¡¯s a clown, but he¡¯s¡­ very social, he always winds up kind of being center of attention in class, and such. I don¡¯t know if you¡¯re ready for that, or if you even planned to come back to school at all.¡± ¡°I¡¯m interested in him but not necessarily interested in him,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯m not dating Bobby, or anyone else, anytime soon. Period. Hard stop. I do want to¡­ be able to come out of my shell more. I do want to have more friends and have the high school experience I always wished I¡¯d had, want to be able to hang out with people like Bobby. Cool kids. I left school in a rush because I was feeling very¡­ vulnerable, and needed away from all of that for a while. But, to be honest¡ªboredom is going to win out. I miss being around people, I miss seeing you both every weekday, I start to feel like I¡¯m missing out on a lot of things. I think in a few months, or just as soon as I have my cast off, I want to come back. Do the high school thing again.¡± ¡°Awesome,¡± Alicia hopped up on the balls of her feet and then lunged in to give Tabitha a hug. ¡°Cool. Yeah. S¡¯gonna be great having you back! We can invite Bobby. We can invite Clarissa. Then maybe when you come back, by the time you come back, you¡¯ll have¡ªwell, it¡¯ll be different. Won¡¯t just be us three against the world. I¡¯ve been makin¡¯ art club friends. Elena is¡­ doing her lone wolf Elena thing right now.¡± ¡°I have friends,¡± Elena scoffed. ¡°I¡¯m just pickier about them, now, after Carrie. I already know all the freshman, and everyone knows me¡ªI¡¯m connected, I don¡¯t need to be friends with most of them.¡± ¡°Just us cool art club peoples,¡± Alicia joked. ¡°Tabs, once you¡¯re back¡ªwe¡¯re pullin¡¯ you into art club. Then, you can chill with us after school every Thursday.¡± ¡°Hah, I can just picture it,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°The Springton High art club, secretly taken over by our underground Pokemon fighting ring!¡±
¡°You were right, Mrs. Macintire,¡± Tabitha admitted with a smile as she eased herself down into the Acura Integra. Her day at the mall was more exhausting than she¡¯d realized, and she almost slumped back against the seat before managing to get the door closed behind her. ¡°Going out with my friends¡ªit was a great idea. I really, really needed that.¡± ¡°It¡¯s Sandy or Sandra, babe, quit makin¡¯ me feel old,¡± Mrs. Macintire smirked, appraising Tabitha from behind her sunglasses. ¡°So, you had fun?¡± ¡°I did! I had¡ªit was so much fun,¡± Tabitha beamed. ¡°That might have been the most fun I¡¯ve ever had in my entire life. Just. Being there, having them there, being able to go around and do the whole, the whole mall experience with them like that. It was incredible.¡± Rather than smiling back at her words, to Tabitha¡¯s surprise Mrs. Macintire instead winced. ¡°Aw, hun,¡± Sandra finally managed. ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s¡ªthat¡¯s not okay, either. You¡¯re gonna get me all worked up again. Goin¡¯ round with your friends, having fun and just. Being a teenager? That needs to be your new normal, not your new friggin¡¯... high point. Okay? I¡ªsorry. I am real glad you guys had fun. Don¡¯t go thinking this was a one time thing or anything, okay? They¡¯re your friends, and you need to be able to socialize with people your own age.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not that much older than me,¡± Tabitha chuckled as the car pulled away from the curb and began to coast into line behind other vehicles down the thoroughfare separating the Sandboro mall from the overcrowded expanse of parking lots. ¡°Neither is Hannah, she¡¯s not much younger than me. My mental age range is¡­ all over the place! Just¡ªthank you again, really. For taking me out here, for insisting on it. I don¡¯t normally go places, and it was¡­ completely amazing.¡± ¡°Did you find lots of good deals?¡± Sandra asked with a bitter smile. ¡°You only have the one little bag, hun. I told you you needed to spend all of that!¡± ¡°I spent¡­ most of it,¡± Tabitha said with a sheepish grin. ¡°Matthew offered to take home the big heavy bag with Hannah.¡± ¡°Big heavy bag, huh?¡± Sandra finally looked pleased. ¡°Good.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°Christmas presents for my cousins. Oh! I did mean to ask you about that. I bought myself and each of my cousins a game boy, so that we¡¯ll all be able to play Pokemon together. Which is, it¡¯s a Japanese game about collecting and training little monsters so that¡ª¡± ¡°I have a seven year old, trust me I know what Pokemon is,¡± Mrs. Macintire rolled her eyes. ¡°That¡¯s the one with Pikachu. Had the strobing lights in some episode, that was giving people epileptic seizures?¡± ¡°Yes, that one.¡± It was Tabitha¡¯s turn to wince, now. ¡°Anyways, the games don¡¯t have strobing lights or anything, and¡ªI know that Hannah will want to play with us. I almost just went and bought her one, too. But, I thought it¡¯d be better to talk about it with you first to make sure that it was okay.¡± ¡°Hubby and I talked about getting her the gameboy thing before,¡± Mrs. Macintire revealed as she tapped the steering wheel with her thumbs. ¡°We talked with Matthew about it and everything, since he has one of those. Hannah asked for one, obviously, but we weren¡¯t sure she was ready¡ªMatthew said a lot of the Pokemon game is reading, that the ¡®battling¡¯ is selecting text from little menus. At the time Hannah wasn¡¯t in first grade yet, and we didn¡¯t think she¡¯d be able to enjoy the game like she can enjoy the cartoon. But! She¡¯s reading a lot more now, and if you¡¯re playing, she¡¯ll absolutely insist on playing, too. We¡¯ll go ahead and get her a gameboy for Christmas.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha breathed out a sigh of relief. ¡°Really, thank you again. If she has any trouble with any of the words, I¡¯ll help her. I¡¯m really excited to be able to play with everyone.¡± ¡°Yes, of course, you¡¯re welcome,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head in disbelief. ¡°Because as you know, it¡¯s just so hard to find ways to spoil her even more rotten. The game¡¯s not too violent, I trust?¡± ¡°Not at all violent,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°In the ani¡ªin the cartoon it shows them fight each other, but in these games none of that is even visualized. It will just display the name of the attack and then show the numerical damage to health points, and whatnot. Nothing graphic at all.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fine, then,¡± Sandra chuckled. ¡°You bought one of those things for each of your cousins? How many cousins do you have?¡± ¡°I have¡ªthere¡¯s four of them,¡± Tabitha flushed. ¡°And, I bought one for myself, too. That¡¯s, um, that¡¯s where most of the money all went. Gameboy Colors, and a few link cables, and enough games for everyone to play their own. I know that seems extravagant, or even irresponsible, but¡ªI-I took their mother away from them. There isn¡¯t even¡ª¡± ¡°Whoa whoa whoa,¡± Sandra¡¯s voice grew stern. ¡°Stop that. Nuh-uh, don¡¯t even go there. Hun, you didn¡¯t take a mother away from them, that woman took herself away with her own poor choices. Okay? You did not take a mother away from them. You helped remove a dangerous influence, that shouldn¡¯t have been anywhere near those kids in the first place, you did the right thing. You DID NOT take their mother from them. Understood?¡± ¡°I¡ªyes, logically, I know that, but¡ª¡± ¡°Nope. Nuh-uh, don¡¯t even.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know if they, um, blame me or not,¡± Tabitha hurried to explain. ¡°And, if they do¡ªif they do, I¡¯m not going to try to be logical with them or, or make excuses. They deserve to grow up in a loving family, they deserve to be able to just be kids, to not be deprived of so many things. I can¡¯t be a mother to them or replace their mother, but I wish I could. I really wish I could. I had to do something for them.¡± Mrs. Macintire didn¡¯t say anything to that, only lowering her shades with one finger and glaring steadily at Tabitha. It went on for so long that Tabitha felt herself wilt beneath the power of the woman¡¯s stare, and she wanted to remind the woman to watch the road, but at the moment they were waiting behind other cars at the stoplight of an intersection. ¡°Oh. Oh. But¡ªno, no, this with you and me is different,¡± Tabitha felt her cheeks burn red. ¡°I¡¯m not¡ªI¡¯m not a kid! There uh, there aren¡¯t really any parallels, really. Really.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Sandra muttered under her breath. ¡°Well, listen, kiddo¡ªdid you remember to buy batteries for all those Game Boys? You¡¯re gonna need a ton of them.¡± ¡°I¡­ did not remember,¡± Tabitha slumped her shoulders. ¡°But, but I would have thought of it eventually. There¡¯s still time, and there¡¯s still a little bit of money left over.¡± ¡°So, how about we swing by Target on the way back and grab batteries and things?¡± Mrs. Macintire proposed. ¡°Batteries, socks, underwear, a few more outfits¡ªanything you might need, since you¡¯re gonna be stuck with us for a while. I can¡¯t be your mom, but I really wish I could be, and like you said. I have to do something for you.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s¡ªI¡ªno, no,¡± Tabitha protested in a weak voice. ¡°You can¡¯t, really. Those two situations aren¡¯t the same at all. It¡¯s too much, you¡¯ve already done too much for me. You can¡¯t. You¡¯ve already spent way too much.¡± ¡°Pfft, tough,¡± Sandra snorted. ¡°What, so you can be all generous and giving, but I can¡¯t? Yeah, I don¡¯t think so. As the great Doctor Evil once said¡ª¡®we¡¯re not so different, you and I.¡¯ You¡¯ve seen Austin Powers?¡± ¡°Hah, I um, yes I¡¯ve seen them,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°It¡¯s just¡ªbeen quite a few years.¡± ¡°¡®I¡¯ve seen them,¡¯ she says,¡± Sandra cast another amused glance in Tabitha¡¯s direction. ¡°Uh-huh, sure you have. ¡®Cept there¡¯s only one Austin Powers movie, and it came out just this past year. You¡¯re gonna have to fib way better than that ¡®round my husband, missy, or he¡¯ll drag you into watching all his stupid Bond movie crap.¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha grumbled, hiding her face in her hand.
Shopping with Mrs. Macintire was a mortifying experience, and Tabitha wasn¡¯t able to untense her shoulders or stop squirming in place. She, she just keeps putting things in the cart, Tabitha thought to herself in a daze. Doesn¡¯t even check the prices. I thought at first she was just grabbing things for herself, but then it becomes so obvious that they¡¯re things for me. She isn¡¯t going to ask, because she knows I¡¯ll find excuses. This must be hundreds of dollars already. ¡°Mrs. Macin¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s Sandy,¡± Mrs. Macintire corrected, absentmindedly holding up a pair of pajama pants up against Tabitha¡¯s figure to compare the size and then stacking them atop the growing pile of ¡®necessities¡¯ filling their cart. ¡°Sandy or Mom, take it or leave it.¡± ¡°S-Sandy, please,¡± Tabitha asked in a low voice. ¡°It¡¯s too much, and, and you spending so much on me makes me¡­ very uncomfortable.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, and I really do sympathize,¡± Mrs. Macintire had pursed her lips but made no motion to return any of the items to the shelves. ¡°But, I can afford to spend some money. I can not afford for you to go wanting for anything, okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m already more used to living¡­ frugally,¡± Tabitha said, horrifically embarrassed. ¡°I, I don¡¯t need so many things, really.¡± ¡°Uh-huh. You bought sanitary pads at the Sandboro mall, then?¡± Mrs. Macintire raised an eyebrow at her. ¡°Deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo? Facial cleanser, moisturizer, concealer? You sure as hell didn¡¯t buy any lip balm, missus chapped lips.¡± ¡°No, I¡ªI have tampons, they¡¯re in my bag I brought from home,¡± Tabitha whispered. ¡°Chapstick too, somewhere. Maybe. It disappears and reappears. I made sure to pack everything I needed, I swear! You can¡¯t do so much for me, not when I haven¡¯t even started looking after Hannah yet.¡± ¡°Can too,¡± Mrs. Macintire retorted in a playful voice. ¡°You saved my husband¡¯s life. His life is worth two, maybe three big shopping trips. Maybe even more, when I¡¯m not feeling cross at him.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not, though¡ªI didn¡¯t do anything too special, I just happened to be there,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Anyone who was there would have done the same thing. I don¡¯t deserve special treatment.¡± ¡°It meant the world to me, and it meant the world to Hannah,¡± Mrs. Macintire shrugged. ¡°Sorry, get used to it. Now, look¡ªunderwear. There¡¯s lingerie, even, at Target, goodness sakes. Hey, every teenager needs at least one pair of sexy underwear, right? For confidence.¡± ¡°I do not need sexy underwear.¡± ¡°Well, not with that attitude, you don¡¯t,¡± Sandra teased, picking through the underwear on display. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªooh, look at this one!¡± ¡°Cassandra Macintire.¡± ¡°Okay, okay, don¡¯t get your panties in a twist. Sheeesh.¡±
The rest of the weekend was given to Tabitha for settling herself into her new home. Cohabitating with an upper-middle class family all of the sudden was nice and it was also frightening. Mrs. Macintire was in nominal charge of the household, but it was also clear that she wasn¡¯t comfortable with the role and had grown increasingly stressed out and frazzled trying to take care of everything herself. Her husband for the most part was sequestered to the master bedroom and rarely left. I wasn¡¯t able to follow a lot of¡­ jargon that had to do with his recovery, Tabitha thought to herself. I saw firsthand that he took a bullet almost point-blank, right in the sternum. From what she gleaned in the oversimplified explanation prepared for Hannah, the bullet never created an exit wound or even left the body¡ªit instead embolized, exhausted its kinetic energy and came to rest right in a blood vessel of some kind near his heart. Officer Macintire¡¯s current condition seemed to have less to do with recovering from the direct ballistic trauma, and more to do with monitoring his corrected circulatory system after they were forced to carefully stitch shut small swathes of his chest cavity. Right now his lower left extremities had reduced blood flow, from his toes all the way up to his hip. He was told, over and over again, by everyone around him¡ªtake everything slow, and take everything easy. Tabitha intimately understood Mr. Macintire¡¯s frustration and impatience. With Darren Macintire confined to bedrest, he was home at all times but for the most part not up and about¡ªthe door to that room remained closed for the man¡¯s privacy. He was able to sit up and get over to the attached bathroom there himself, a concession born out of practicality more than anything else, but otherwise Sandra was adamant about him only getting up to move around the house under her strict supervision. It was hard not to feel guilty about how restricted the man was right now, but at the same time¡­ Tabitha was a little too timid to try to strike up conversations with him or keep him company. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! So, she puttered around the house picking up Hannah¡¯s toys, and she stole away to the window seat to curl up with The Dark Hand of Magic, the last book in the Starhawk and Sunwolf series she had on loan from Mrs. Williams. After spotting her reading, Sandra rummaged through a hallway closet and then returned with a handful of bodice-ripper style harlequin novels, informing Tabitha that she¡¯d be putting the little stack in the guest room. ¡°I read ¡®em when I was your age, I¡¯m not gonna judge you, and we don¡¯t even have to talk about it if you don¡¯t want to,¡± Sandra had explained. ¡°Just gonna set them in there, okay?¡± ¡°Um. Okay,¡± Tabitha had laughed, holding her finger in place at the line in her book for a moment. ¡°I might leaf through them?¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Sandra blew out a sigh of relief. ¡°You need to talk about anything¡ªyou know¡ªweird, or private, about uh, self care or any girl stuff, you let me know, alright? Or, you can even talk to Karen if you¡¯d prefer that, so that it¡¯s¡­ less weird than talking to me about it.¡± ¡°I think I¡¯m good on all that for¡ªfor a few years,¡± Tabitha struggled to keep a straight face. ¡°I, um. You have to walk before you can run, and I¡¯m uh, I¡¯m not even walking yet, I¡¯m just now first standing up and like, getting my balance? I¡¯m good on all the¡­ sexuality and all that, for a while. In no rush to uh, figure out self discovery or be interested in boys or anything.¡± ¡°Cool! Cool. Very cool,¡± Mrs. Macintire blushed. ¡°Smart. Sorry about teasing you with the lingerie stuff back there in Target, Karen and I are used to poking fun at Matthew. Well, just in case¡ªI¡¯m putting these books in there. I know you¡¯re mature as hell for your age and already a young lady, but just sayin¡¯ from experience. Hormones¡¯ll sneak up on you around that age and just¡ªclobber you. No judgment. Just if you ever need anything¡ªyeah. Cool.¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°I¡¯m good.¡± It was the truth, so the encounter wasn¡¯t as embarrassing as it should have been. Tabitha had never thought of herself as having much of a libido, in either life. It was as if she could get turned on, but never get turned on very far. Fantasy companionship was so far removed from the reality of her existence that it just wasn¡¯t a mental place she¡¯d ever bothered to visit often. She wasn¡¯t asexual, although she¡¯d told herself she was back in her college years. There were just too many fears and hangups about it all, body issues and confidence problems that added up into a mess that she wasn¡¯t comfortable bringing to a therapist to sort out. Plus I¡¯m way too young right now, so I can just kinda¡­ put off thinking about it, Tabitha decided with a wry smile. I get those little fits of ATTRACTION sometimes with boys, but it¡¯s not horniness or anything like that, exactly. It¡¯s more of a deer-in-headlights feeling. Swooning glee, admiration, young attraction. Imagining actually DOING something with another person¡ªyep. Freezes up my insides, practically activates my fight or flight response. No way in hell is anything like that happening anytime soon. If ever.
¡°What¡¯s it like having boobs?¡± Hannah asked. For a moment Tabitha was simply stunned and blindsided, and after a long moment staring incredulously back at the little girl Tabitha cleared her throat and considered the question. They were sitting together on the Macintire¡¯s living room sofa watching television, and as always Hannah was practically leaning up against her, because her seven-year-old concepts of personal space hadn¡¯t quite developed yet. ¡°Nice, but also¡­ annoying,¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°Nice but also annoying?¡± Hannah echoed. ¡°How?¡± ¡°They¡¯re in the way,¡± Tabitha started. ¡°They shift around when you¡¯re running, and it¡¯s uncomfortable. Sweat. They¡¯re heavier than they should be, and wearing bras just plain isn¡¯t fun. It¡¯s like wearing shoes¡ªa lot of days you just can¡¯t wait to get home so you can take them off, you know? Sometimes right before your¡­ time of the month, they get sore, for absolutely no reason, and it¡¯s upsetting. I accidentally pinched one of my boobs once, when I was carrying this stack of metal trays? And¡ªit hurt, sooo bad. Ever since then, I¡¯ve carried things like that way out away from my body, and it¡¯s¡­ awkward. Boys my age stare, because I guess it takes time for them to learn to know better, and it makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. Have to be self-conscious about how they look, worry that they¡¯re too big or too small or that they¡¯re shaped weird or lopsided or sag too much or have lumps or appear asymmetrical or that they¡¯re too far apart to form proper cleavage.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ that¡¯s a lot,¡± Hannah frowned at the gravity of the situation. ¡°Does sound really annoying.¡± ¡°It can be,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Enjoy not having to deal with them while you can, and then hope you get good ones?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°Mom said I should never ask you if I can see them.¡± ¡°It¡¯s good that she warned you, because that¡¯s not something appropriate to ask, and it would make me very uncomfortable.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Inappropriate and like, boundaries and stuff.¡± ¡°...Let¡¯s just watch TV for a little bit, okay Hannah Banana?¡± ¡°Okay.¡±
Good Lordy, Sandra Macintire blew out a breath as she heaved her purse down onto the kitchen counter. Why didn¡¯t I take in Tabitha AGES ago? There was no messy house. There was nothing urgent that needed done, nothing besides checking on her husband¡ªDarren only needed a tiny bit of assistance getting around the house to sit down for dinners with them. Tabitha cooked, Tabitha cleaned, and most importantly¡ªTabitha took up all of Hannah¡¯s time and energy, every single day. She¡¯d had no idea what to expect bringing a teenager to live with them, and the stubborn glass-half-empty side of her had anticipated the worst¡ªthat Tabitha would bring her own difficulties with her, that this would be like dealing with an additional daughter, when she could scarcely manage one. Perhaps Hannah and Tabitha would fight sometimes; they were children and this would surely happen. Maybe Tabitha would be moody and distant, maybe at her age there would be some testing of boundaries. Mrs. Macintire had somehow expected all of these things, had resolved to be patient with the poor girl and be flexible but also firm with the girl. Instead, in the few days since the young girl¡¯s arrival it was as if an unseen weight had been lifted off of the Macintire household. Bringing Tabitha into their home was nothing like taking in another daughter. This Tabitha girl seemed to thrive on having a purpose and took care of everything¡ªit was as though she¡¯d hired a small team of private staff all bundled up into the one single diminutive teen. Boundaries were indeed tested and then pushed, but they always seemed to be the ones Sandra set to ensure that the girl wasn¡¯t overworking herself or slaving away for their family. The ever-present assortment of Hannah¡¯s toys around the house had disappeared. Persistent clutter that had become piles and even accumulated into something like snowdrifts near the seven-year-old¡¯s favorite places to play were now tidy and immaculate. The living room floor was bare, and there wasn¡¯t a single plaything to be seen in the crook of their L-shaped sectional sofa where Hannah always sat and surrounded herself with things while watching her cartoons. The dining room was free from storybooks and plastic play food for once. ¡°Hannah honey?¡± Sandra remembered looking around in confusion, not used to seeing their living space so neat and orderly. ¡°Where did all of your little toy food things go?¡± ¡°In my refrigerator, so that they don¡¯t go bad,¡± Hannah answered, giving one of those sassy duh, even I knew that looks that she clearly must have picked up from that awful father of hers. ¡°Mom¡ªfood goes bad if you don¡¯t keep it in a fridge.¡± ¡°You know what?¡± Mrs. Macintire had sighed. ¡°You¡¯re right. When you¡¯re right, you¡¯re right.¡± Sandra remembered sitting herself down with Hannah to play house on quite a few occasions over the past several years, playing at chomping away at the plastic food Hannah ¡®cooked¡¯ for them in her little kitchenette playset. She¡¯d at first been worried about whether Tabitha would be able to do the same¡ªshe was a teenager, after all, and may have felt particular about doing things that seemed too childish. On the contrary, Tabitha went all in, treating the games of make-believe with a seriousness and gravity that Sandra as an adult just hadn¡¯t been able to match. All of the sudden now, Hannah was very particular about anyone opening her toy fridge for too long and letting all of the pretend cold air out. The seven-year-old now referred to the bottom plastic bin of her fridge as a crispy drawer, taught her mother that it was for fruits and vegetables, while meats (now wrapped up carefully in imaginary plastic wrap) had to go on the lowest shelf just above that, so they would stay fresh for as long as possible. The little plastic milk carton now had a best before date in the bottom corner, marked with permanent marker in Tabitha¡¯s precise handwriting. Hannah made a show of checking it every time before pouring anyone a pretend glass, even though she knew it simply read ¡®next Thursday.¡¯ While Hannah was at school, Tabitha had her own private time, which seemed to be spent reading or relaxing or tidying up the house in small ways. Every weekday, Tabitha met her young ward at the bus stop at the end of the street so that she could walk the short distance home with her, asking what she had learned¡ªand if she could teach anything to Tabitha. One of Hannah¡¯s most favoritest things in the world was to talk, but few had the presence of mind to actually listen intently to it all with aplomb like Tabitha did. When they got inside, Tabitha would make sure Hannah said hello to Mr. Macintire, and then the two girls would take their leave to set about on a project. Rather than describe what the girls were up to, Sandra thought it might have been easier to say what they weren¡¯t up to, because the pair seemed to be doing a little bit of everything. A garden in the corner of the backyard was being planned, the Barbies were getting organized and decorations were being prepared for a big wedding¡ªSandra had received an actual written invitation¡ªHannah had memorized the Macarena, the eighteen step Electric Slide, and the sixteen step Freeze, twenty-four step Boogie variations of the Slide. Hannah was helping Tabitha prepare and cook meals (under careful supervision), and they had also learned how to make their own pop up books and construction paper lanterns in Christmas colors. They were designing and constructing a bookshelf and a toy bin, and what had begun as a single blanket fort had over the course of the week become two warring blanket kingdoms, each set up and then put away with more and more efficiency every time they were erected. Project time gave way to dinnertime, the only meal the Macintires always ate together as a family, and after that a tuckered-out Hannah would watch an hour of TV. While before Tabitha¡¯s arrival Hannah would simply keep watching cartoons all the way until bedtime, now there just wasn¡¯t time¡ªthere was instead a two-person Book Club that read storybooks to each other. Hannah had always loved stories and was an excellent reader for her age, but Tabitha managed to magnify the girl¡¯s interest in dynamic ways. ¡°How would things have been different, if instead of Timone and Pumbaa discovering Simba¡­ it had been Baloo and Bagheera? From The Jungle Book. Would Simba have grown up into a different sort of ruler?¡± Good Lord. Sandra never expected to hear her first-grader holding her own in an in-depth discussion on the differences between the parallel philosophies of bare necessities and hakuna matata. The words used in their increasingly animated discussion may have been simple, but the concepts behind them that Tabitha delighted in drawing Hannah into were deceptively broad. ¡°What if the first human Ariel met was Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, instead of Prince Eric? Maybe Gaston would fall in love with Ariel, and then have to grapple with her inhuman origins. Could he eventually overcome the thought of treating those different from him simply as monsters? Do you think Gaston could have been redeemed in the right circumstances, if he¡¯d been in the right story?¡± Hannah had known each of the popular Disney tales inside and out, but when Tabitha put that to the test and had Hannah recite one of her storybooks to her parents without checking the pages¡­ well, she actually performed surprisingly well. The challenge excited instead of intimidated Hannah, the praise pushed her on to try to do better each time and remember more, and the girl¡¯s reading speed, comprehension, and performance ability was noticeably improving each night. Obviously, when Tabitha set out to play with Hannah, a subtle lesson was imparted in the form of a game. Teaching new things to make their play more interesting, leading Hannah into discovering things or figuring them out for herself, and then quite a few ¡®games¡¯ were simply the girls sitting down to categorize or organize things¡ªthat was already fun for Tabitha, and Hannah seemed to absorb everything the teen did like a sponge. The stuffed animals that had been strewn all over the house were gone¡ªTabitha had discovered a pair of easter baskets from years past in the garage and sat down with Hannah creating little displays. ¡°Mom it¡¯s not just like toys, it¡¯s like flower arranging,¡± Hannah had insisted. ¡°There¡¯s an art form to it, and you compete to see who¡¯s the best at displaying the collection. All of the BIG beanie babies have to be on bottom, so you can still see the Teeny Beanie Babies and no one gets blocked off. They all need to be facing out, so you can see their best sides, and you can put them by color OR by what kind of animal they are, or BOTH. See?¡± From that point on, the baskets of Beanies weren¡¯t to be touched¡ªthey were awarded a prominent position atop the entertainment center to be seen like trophies. Hannah¡¯s older toys, the ones left over from when she¡¯d been a toddler, had been separated off into a box to donate to their church¡¯s daycare, but with an evening-long question and answers session Tabitha had determined a handful of favorites that would instead be enshrined in the attic for sentimental value. Broken toys were categorized into throw-outs and fixables, and that became a game as well¡ªSandra came home from work one day to see her daughter with a stethoscope and plastic tongs, assisting Tabitha as broken pieces of Barbie convertible were carefully put back into place with the help of the mini hot glue gun the Macintires kept for scrapbooking. ¡°Hannah, the dryer¡¯s finished with the laundry,¡± Tabitha called in a soft voice. ¡°Do you want to watch me fold clothes?¡± Sandra wanted to object to that, because Tabitha was not their family¡¯s maid, but the peculiarity of the situation was so amusing she couldn¡¯t help but hold her tongue and watch. Sure enough, Hannah¡¯s cute little head popped up from the other side of the couch. Her after school cartoons were on, and Tabitha¡¯s question was so strange that Hannah was visibly confused. ¡°No?¡± Hannah giggled. ¡°Why would I wanna watch folding clothes?¡± ¡°I thought you might be interested,¡± Tabitha shrugged, taking a cloth so that she could wipe off the kitchen table. ¡°But, your shows are on, so¡ªsorry to bother you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Hannah replied. She¡¯s already hooked somehow though, I just know it, Mrs. Macintire watched with a small smile. The poor little first grader already appeared torn, forced to rise up onto her knees so that she could whip her attention back and forth between the television on one side and Tabitha setting the laundry basket on the table on the other side. After several apparently agonizing moments of indecision, Hannah clambered down from the couch and skirted around it so that she could see what Tabitha was up to. ¡°Did you know a lot of guys fold their clothes differently than girls?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°There¡¯s different ways to fold things.¡± ¡°There is?¡± Hannah gave her a skeptical look. ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Tabitha pulled out a chair for the girl and then slid the plastic hamper out of the way so that there was space to fold clothes upon the tabletop. ¡°Your mother uses something similar to the Konmari method, named after Marie Kondo. Marie was a Japanese shrine maiden, and became the most famous person in the world for tidying up things. Very elegant and orderly.¡± Hannah giggled again, glancing from Tabitha to Mrs. Macintire and back again as if unsure as to whether Tabitha was making this all up. Sandra simply smiled and raised her eyebrows without saying a word¡ªshe¡¯d never heard of any Marie Kondo, but wasn¡¯t about to contradict Tabitha once the girl had captured her daughter¡¯s interest again. ¡°Like this. See?¡± Tabitha neatly folded a shirt and then slid it in front of Hannah. ¡°Now boys, on the other hand, they often like to ranger roll their clothes. Let me show you.¡± ¡°Ranger like Power Ranger?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Ranger like army rangers,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°In the army, rangers are like special forces that get sent out on the most dangerous missions. Army rangers have to be the bravest and toughest soldiers there are! You see how I folded the hem back? Now, when I fold it once over itself and then put in the sleeves, I take it from the neck here and¡­ roll it up as tightly as I can. Like this. Then, once you¡¯ve gotten to the hem I folded back earlier¡ªlike this, you can pull the hem back over the rolled part, and it stays together like so. A neat little roll.¡± ¡°Kinda like a sleeping bag,¡± Hannah observed. ¡°That¡¯s how I roll up my sleeping bag. I have a Hunchback of Notre Dame sleeping bag, for if we go camping.¡± ¡°It is! It¡¯s a lot like rolling up something for camping,¡± Tabitha nodded, already starting on another shirt. ¡°I think maybe army rangers have to pack things up like they were going camping, because they might have to sleep outside on a special mission. That¡¯s why boys like folding their clothes this way¡ªit¡¯s a very military way to fold their clothing, so boys think that¡¯s really cool. I think it¡¯s kinda cool, too.¡± ¡°It is kinda cool,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°But, then the other way is really cool, too¡ªhmm, what was the other way called again?¡± Tabitha pursed her lips and looked upwards as if struggling to remember. ¡°Konmari!¡± Hannah answered. ¡°Konmari method.¡± ¡°That¡¯s! Wow, that¡¯s right,¡± Tabitha¡¯s surprise at Hannah¡¯s alarming memory retention didn¡¯t seem to be feigned, and the redheaded teen flashed Mrs. Macintire a smile over Hannah¡¯s head. ¡°The Konmari method, that Marie Kondo teaches. I thought it¡¯d be neat and a little sneaky if we folded all of you and your mom¡¯s clothes with the traditional Konmari method, and then we ranger roll all your dad¡¯s clothes. Do you think he¡¯ll notice?¡± ¡°I think he¡¯ll notice,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°He¡¯s in the police.¡± ¡°True, true,¡± Tabitha pulled out one of Hannah¡¯s little blouses and set it in front of the girl so she could follow along the motions Tabitha was showing. ¡°Police officers have a lot in common with military officers. Right?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah agreed. ¡°I wanna do mine the other way¡ªI want to roll this one.¡± ¡°You do? Okay, we start like this¡­ then it goes over, like this. On both sides, you have to fold up the hem enough so that you can tuck it over after rolling. Here, now you try.¡±
Their new nanny took to her job with deadly seriousness, and Hannah was more than simply supervised¡ªalmost every hour of her day was planned and managed. Every afternoon Tabitha had an activity for them to do, whether it be simple and fun, or complex and engaging. These weren¡¯t introduced as surprises, either, and Hannah would excitedly ramble on away about what Tabitha had planned for them to do tomorrow and the next day and the next. Hannah¡¯s large Disney collection of storybooks, for instance, each happened to be too tall to fit in the shelving unit they had for Hannah¡¯s books. So, one Tuesday the girls got measuring tape and construction paper and played at being architects, drafting up designs for new shelves while using a ruler to create a simple diagram and then labeling it in with numbers. The underage engineers then searched through the spare pieces of wood in the garage, measuring and debating how they would fit together, and returned to draft a new design with what materials they had available. After a plan for a much shorter custom shelving unit was finalized, it was taken to the boss for approval¡ªthe bedridden Mr. Macintire was thrilled to play the part and scrutinize their drawings. On Wednesday, Hannah helped Tabitha carry all the boards outside, measure out and draw cut lines on the wood with marker, and set aside the paint they¡¯d discovered for painting at the end of the week. Thursday afternoon, an amused Matthew arrived to read through an ¡®order¡¯ of instructions the girls had written for him, and was familiar enough with the Macintire¡¯s power tools to do the simple cuts and assembly. Mrs. Macintire didn¡¯t miss that Tabitha sat down in the garage afterwards for two hours to sand smooth all the edges and surfaces of their new furniture smooth while Hannah watched television. By Friday, Hannah was so impatient to paint her new shelves she was hopping in place, and Mrs. Macintire was able to take an entire batch of photos of the girls working away at the project, errant dabs of purple on Tabitha¡¯s cheek and the tip of Hannah¡¯s nose. When Hannah¡¯s attention span started wavering in painting halfway through and she got sidetracked, the little girl was tasked with the important mission of taking an early bath so that she could clear space in her room for the new furniture. Tabitha once again spent extra hours in the garage, carefully tilting the shelves so that she could reach the top with her brush, and then went through the trouble of applying the entire second coat herself.
¡°Tabitha, you¡¯re a live-in nanny, NOT our cook,¡± Mrs. Macintire had warned the girl. Repeatedly. ¡°You¡¯re not even fourteen years old, you don¡¯t need to be making us breakfast every morning, okay?¡± The cunning girl had nodded in understanding¡­ and then simply continued to prepare meals for everyone. Sandra was honestly embarrassed not to have realized that fact at first, because Tabitha was just so clever and reasonable about it. Instead of asking what they would like for breakfast, the wretched sneak changed her approach. ¡°I think I¡¯d like to make myself french toast today¡ªif you¡¯re alright with me using a few of the eggs?¡± Tabitha would say. ¡°Of course,¡± Sandra naturally agreed. ¡°Like I said, hun, treat everything in that fridge like it¡¯s yours, okay?¡± Ten minutes later, Tabitha had worn carefully constructed a look of concern as the mouthwatering aroma of fresh griddled french toast filled the kitchen. ¡°Something about this just tastes¡­ off.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Sandra would say as she bustled about with her coffee trying to square herself away before work. ¡°It smells great.¡± ¡°I think maybe I¡¯m not used to using, um, well the ingredients you have here are different brands,¡± The clever girl had made herself appear crestfallen. ¡°Or, maybe it¡¯s that you have vanilla extract when I¡¯m used to using imitation vanilla? I followed the recipe, but it just tastes¡­ off. It¡¯s not like it should be at all.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure it¡¯s fine, hun,¡± Sandra had felt herself waver, still at that point unable to see that Tabitha¡¯s disappointment was affected. ¡°Maybe I added too much cinnamon?¡± Tabitha had frowned, looking about in distress. ¡°Oh¡ªyou already have a bagel you¡¯re taking with you. Do you think Mr. Macintire would try a bite, and help me see what I¡¯m doing wrong? But, I don¡¯t want to wake him up¡­¡± ¡°Alright, gimme a bite,¡± Sandra had sighed. ¡°But just ONE bite.¡± Before she¡¯d even realized what she¡¯d done, Mrs. Macintire finished the entire slice of french toast that¡¯d been offered over to her. She screwed up her face as she chewed in complete bafflement¡ªhow the fuck had Tabitha even made this? It wasn¡¯t just good, it was damned good. Professional, even. This wasn¡¯t simple home cooking, and it wasn¡¯t diner fare, either. This was some sort of five-star restaurant using expensive premium ingredients kind of eating, like she only enjoyed on major occasions. Major occasions like her honeymoon or the subsequent anniversary date nights every year, when they went some place nice they normally wouldn¡¯t splurge quite so much money on. Sandra had found herself looking around in confusion for the aforementioned recipe Tabitha had teased her with, but there was nothing in sight. It was apparently all in the head of this nervous-looking teen in front of her. ¡°It¡¯s too much cinnamon, isn¡¯t it?¡± Tabitha had given her an apologetic wince. ¡°Should I¡­ I don¡¯t want to waste food but should I throw it out?¡± ¡°Tabitha hun, it¡¯s completely fine,¡± Sandra hurried to assure her. ¡°It¡¯s actually really good!¡± Having been unknowingly suckered into the girl¡¯s trap, Mrs. Macintire was already cleaning crumbs from her forefinger and thumb with her mouth, hesitating to grab her boring old bagel and head out to the car. There was an adorable little stack of french toast Tabitha had plated up beside the griddle, the beauties seared a golden brown and each artfully dusted with a dash of powdered sugar. They even looked like gourmet fine food¡ªhow the hell had they been prepared in her kitchen, from the ordinary stuff in her fridge and cabinets? ¡°I thought, that since the extract is a little more potent than imitation vanilla, that I¡¯d use a bit less, but then I didn¡¯t think to adjust the cinnamon I used to match,¡± Tabitha had sighed as if Sandra¡¯s response was just polite words to humor her. ¡°I should have realized. I¡¯ll eat them all so that I¡¯m not wasting all your ingredients, at least.¡± ¡°No, Tabitha¡ªit¡¯s really good,¡± In the moment Sandra had only been afraid Tabitha would decide to change whatever proportions she¡¯d used and not be able to recreate this absolutely divine french toast. ¡°Would you mind if I took another one?¡± ¡°Please do,¡± Tabitha had seemed to light up at Sandra¡¯s genuine interest. ¡°Oh¡ªbut I don¡¯t want to make you late for work. Here, I can wrap up a slice to take with you.¡± ¡°Sure, that¡¯d be great,¡± Sandra had been completely suckered in. Twenty minutes after that, Sandra was sitting in the break room of the Fairfield Safety Plant just outside the office, realizing that Tabitha had prepared three slices of the heavenly french toast, the little bundle neatly wrapped up in the long quilted pot holder from the far kitchen drawer that Sandra normally only saw during Thanksgiving and Christmas. ¡°Shit,¡± Sandra had sworn¡ªafter immediately wolfing all of it down, and even feeling an acute sense of loss when there wasn¡¯t any more. ¡°Watched it all happen, and the little minx STILL got me. Her acting wasn¡¯t even THAT good! It¡¯s just that her damn cooking IS. Dammit. Not letting her cook for us tomorrow. This was amazing, but I¡¯m puttin¡¯ my foot down. She¡¯s a live-in nanny, NOT our cook.¡± The next morning, however, Sandra rose to see Tabitha had managed to wake Hannah up early, and was walking her daughter through how to make pancakes. The little girl stood on a chair in front of the stovetop, but Tabitha¡¯s good hand never left Hannah¡¯s side or allowed the girl to lose balance in either direction. A little brow furrowed in adorable concentration, and with both tiny hands gripping the spatula, Hannah carefully managed to finagle the implement beneath a pancake and then flip it over. ¡°Perfect!¡± Tabitha whispered. ¡°Nice. Right in the center. Now Hannah, this side won¡¯t have the little bubbles you can see, so how do you suppose you¡¯ll know when it¡¯s ready?¡± ¡°Count the seconds?¡± Hannah guessed. ¡°That is a good idea, but look, we can cheat¡ªsince both sides are a little cooked now, you can just take the spatula again and lift it a tiny bit to take a peek at how it¡¯s doing. The griddle is very hot, so¡ª?¡± ¡°Always use the spatula, never my fingers,¡± Hannah repeated out what must have been an earlier lesson at Tabitha¡¯s clear prompt. ¡°Because you¡¯ll burn your fingers.¡± Alright, I give¡ªobviously this morning doesn¡¯t count and I¡¯m having some of my daughter¡¯s homemade pancakes, Mrs. Macintire beamed as she stepped closer and saw that someone had already started up the coffee maker for her. But TOMORROW, tomorrow I¡¯m definitely putting my foot down. For sure. When each tomorrow arrived, however, Tabitha continued to push the line between what was acceptable and what was overdoing it. On the evening Mrs. Macintire finally resolved to sit Tabitha down and talk to her about it, it was difficult finding the right words to say. Hannah was situated in front of her cartoons, and Sandra called Tabitha back into the master bedroom where Darren was so that his presence would help convey how serious she was about this. ¡°Okay. Hun¡ªyou¡¯re not in trouble, so I don¡¯t want you to be nervous,¡± Mrs. Macintire stressed. ¡°However, you¡¯ve been with us for a little over a week now, and¡­ you¡¯re doing way too much. Going a little overboard. I wanted you to be here and help look after Hannah, have someone around in case my husband had an emergency or something. I did not intend for you to be our housemaid, or do our laundry, or cook all of our meals, or, or become a live-in tutor for Hannah.¡± ¡°I do appreciate you bringin¡¯ me in sandwiches for lunch every day,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°Yes, we do appreciate everything,¡± Sandra gave her husband a rather unappreciative backhand on the shoulder and a glare. ¡°But¡ªthis is all too much. Tabitha honey, I don¡¯t want you to burn yourself out with all of this or run yourself ragged, okay? I wanted a live-in babysitter to help me with Hannah, not¡­ for you to slave away trying to do everything. Do you understand?¡± ¡°I do understand,¡± Tabitha said with a sigh, ¡°and, I did try to warn you.¡± ¡°Warn me?¡± Mrs. Macintire was at a loss. ¡°Honey¡ªwarn me about what?¡± ¡°You¡¯ve done too much for me,¡± Tabitha explained with a small smile. ¡°Saving me from my situation, offering me a home¡ªspending so much money. I¡¯m deeply, deeply indebted to you, and if I don¡¯t do something about that, guilt and¡­ shame will just eat me up from the inside.¡± ¡°Tabitha, no, there¡¯s nothing for you to feel guilty about,¡± Mrs. Macintire hurried to assure her. ¡°Most of that was your money, we were just able to give you an advance on it. We just wanted to be able to provide some space from all that mess with your family, let you live a more¡­ normal life.¡± ¡°I think you don¡¯t understand how much that means to me,¡± Tabitha countered. ¡°I love Hannah. I love being here, being able to pretend you¡¯re my family. I have hours and hours to myself while Hannah¡¯s at school, and when she¡¯s here, I can keep myself busy. Keeping myself busy, having things to focus on, I need that to keep all the thoughts away. And, I really enjoy helping. Please don¡¯t ask me to stop.¡± ¡°I¡ªwell,¡± Mrs. Macintire deflated a little. ¡°So long as you know you don¡¯t have to, that we don¡¯t expect you to, Hon. You¡¯re under no obligation, do you understand?¡± ¡°I understand, and I apologize for allowing this to become a point of concern.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to pretend that we¡¯re your family, either,¡± Officer Macintire added. ¡°You¡¯re here¡ªyou¡¯re family. Hannah looks up to you like you¡¯re a real-life Disney princess, an¡¯ just hangs on your every word. You know both of us think the world of you.¡± ¡°I¡ªI¡¯m deeply honored,¡± Tabitha struggled with her words for a moment. ¡°Thank you. Truly, thank you for inviting me into your home.¡± ¡°She speaks like a Victorian duchess when she¡¯s embarrassed,¡± Sandra confided to her husband. ¡°Isn¡¯t she cute?¡± ¡°Oh, I thought it was just one of those soulless ginger things,¡± Darren joked, almost flinching back before his wife was able to smack him, this time. ¡°Ow, hey, watch it! I¡¯m recovering, here, lady.¡± ¡°You! No more gingers have no souls shenanigans, no more carrot top jokes. They were never funny, and the last thing we need is Hannah picking up on that garbage,¡± Mrs. Macintire insisted, jabbing the man with her finger before turning it towards Tabitha. ¡°And, you! Just¡­ please, please take it easy a little. I worry about you, kiddo.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine, I promise,¡± Tabitha said with a solemn face. ¡°I¡¯m better than I¡¯ve been in a long time.¡± ¡°Well¡­ good. You slow down a bit, you relax some, and¡­ hell, you¡¯d better be all rested up for your big birthday party, hun. Because, Karen and I? We¡¯re goin¡¯ all out on this thing!¡± 43, Talking to a boy. ¡°Ten times the rains came and went¡ªand still Mowgli lived with the wolves!¡± Hannah cried out. ¡°Mowgli the man cub loved the pack, and thought of them as his brothers. But then, one day¡ªeverything changed! The tiger Shere Khan had returned to the jungle!¡± ¡°Very good!¡± Tabitha praised, glancing down at the Disney storybook page to confirm Hannah had the correct words. ¡°But, remember what I said about the dramatic delivery?¡± ¡°When you read every single sentence as dramatic¡ªthen, none of them are dramatic!¡± Hannah answered with all the theatrics she could muster, then dissolved into a fit of giggles, falling back against the bed. Tabitha¡¯s animated style of storytelling had impressed upon the seven year old girl, and now it was rare that Hannah ever read or recited a single line without ensuring its delivery was as sensational as possible. Pregnant pauses in search of anticipation found their way into every sentence that would bear them¡ªand some that would not¡ªbombastic gestures and exclamations punctuated everything Hannah had to say during storytelling time. The little girl¡¯s enthusiasm for hyping up everything she possibly could was difficult to stifle, too, because Hannah knew how silly it was. In fact, she thought it was hilarious. After which point our nightly little game of storybook reading turned the Disney book club hardcover collection into an experience where Hannah evangelizes each and every page to us, Tabitha thought, shaking her head in amusement. Great job, Tabitha. Great. Just go and show Hannah that you can just exaggerate whatever words you want when you talk. THAT¡¯S a great thing for her to learn. Can only imagine what her friends at school and her teacher are beginning to think. ¡°Okay, Hannah Montana,¡± Tabitha clapped the book closed. ¡°I think that¡¯s a good stopping point for tonight.¡± ¡°Because you havta go talk to the moms?¡± Hannah asked with excitement, rocking back on her bed. ¡°Because you have to go to bed, Hannah cabana,¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°Aren¡¯t you sleepy?¡± ¡°A little bit,¡± Hannah reported, working to throw back her covers. ¡°A little bit sleepy.¡± That the girl was willing to admit she was sleepy, when it was bedtime, felt like a triumphant victory. After discovering that Hannah seemed to absorb everything and anything she said, Tabitha had strived to always provide reasonings that Hannah would understand and internalize. When asked that inevitable but why do I have to go to bed, instead of answering with the standard because it¡¯s bed time, or the even worse because I said so, Tabitha told her that focusing on how sleepy she felt made her enjoy her rest more when she did sleep¡ªit was just like being hungry, and then finding the next meal all that much more fulfilling. I know you still want to stay up and do things, Tabitha had said. But, since we all have to sleep anyways, isn¡¯t it better to stretch out under the covers, get real cozy and comfy, and find your sleep real SATISFYING? By all rights that shouldn¡¯t have worked, but Hannah seemed to hang on Tabitha¡¯s every word and idolize her. This past weekend, after playing evil corporate publishing firm with Hannah using the dollhouse and Barbies and then having a big lunch, Tabitha had taken advantage of the low energy sleepy Sunday afternoon feeling and confided to the seven year old her big secret. Unlike other kids, Tabitha actually loved sleeping. She hated having to be awake when she was tired, and a nap right then and there would be amazing. Hannah had been skeptical at first, and continued playing with her toys for a bit after Tabitha laid down. An hour later when Tabitha rose from her nap, however she discovered Hannah curled up right beside her on the couch, sound asleep. This is why I love Hannah, Tabitha thought to herself. No way in HELL would that ever work with my cousins. ¡°But, you¡¯re going to go talk to the moms?¡± Hannah asked again. ¡°About your party?¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± Tabitha let out a helpless laugh as she helped tuck Hannah in. ¡°Hannah savannah, they could be here for anything. I can¡¯t just assume it¡¯s about me!¡± ¡°It¡¯s about your party,¡± Hannah said. ¡°You should say you want it to be Chuck-e-Cheese. Chuck-e-Cheese or Discovery Zone. And, you already used Hannah savannah earlier.¡± ¡°I did?¡± Tabitha pursed her lips in a pout. ¡°Oh right, at dinner. Hmm. Thennn, Hannah bandana, if they¡¯re here about the party, I¡¯ll keep your wisdom in mind.¡± ¡°No putt-putt golf,¡± Hannah advised her. ¡°That¡¯s boring.¡± ¡°Okay, okay,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°I¡¯ll try to ask for something exciting. Like¡­ bowling!¡± ¡°Nooooo,¡± Hannah protested. ¡°Boriiiing!¡± ¡°Bible study, maybe? Bird-watching?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Hmm, that sounds like a fun activity. I can ask everyone to bring their own binoculars?¡± ¡°Pfphhttttt!¡± Hannah blew out a raspberry. ¡°We¡¯ll see, we¡¯ll see,¡± Tabitha leaned over to comb an errant strand of hair out of Hannah¡¯s face and then sat back. ¡°I promise I¡¯ll pick something fun.¡± ¡°I just want you to have a really fun birthday,¡± Hannah sighed in exasperation. ¡°That¡¯s important.¡± ¡°I always have fun with you, Hannah cabana,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It won¡¯t matter what I pick for the party.¡± ¡°No, it matters a lot,¡± Hannah insisted. ¡°It has to be more fun. Like Chuck-e-Cheese fun, or Discovery Zone fun. Your birthday needs to be special. You always say every day is fun.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Tabitha paused, fighting to keep a sudden wave of melancholy from appearing in her expression. ¡°Every day is fun, now.¡± Hannah studied her face for a long moment as if able to sense something was wrong. ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah finally said. ¡°But, no putt-putt.¡± ¡°No putt-putt, no bowling,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°Got it. Goodnight, Hannah.¡±
¡°Alright, Tabitha dear,¡± Mrs. Williams said, settling in across the dining table from her and Sandra. ¡°Let¡¯s talk about your birthday!¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha flushed with embarrassment, shoulders stiff and hands pressed into her lap. The fact that her birthday was a big deal to the people around her now was always going to be difficult to adjust to. She¡¯d gone literal decades without anyone celebrating it at all, at best it had just been an excuse to treat herself to takeout on the way home from work, or something like that. Even in her previous childhood, birthdays had little fanfare attached to them. By rote her father would bring home a small cake, her parents would sing Happy Birthday for her, and she would unwrap whatever clothes or sundries she picked out for the occasion¡ªMr. Moore would take her ¡®birthday shopping¡¯ in the month prior, and then that stuff would be put away and wrapped for her until the tenth of December. There certainly were never any surprises, no guests, no presents from others. It¡¯s actually a little mortifying? Tabitha had to actually try really hard to accept this new normal where a birthday was some kind of event; it took conscious effort. A tiny part of me¡¯s just in love with it, but then the rest of me keeps saying ¡®wait, why would I deserve any of THIS?¡¯ ¡°First thing¡¯s first¡ªsome basics. Who will be invited?¡± Mrs. Williams asked, withdrawing a small notepad and a pen from her purse. ¡°How big do you want your party to be? Mostly family, mostly friends, both? Do you want it to be something more grown up, with just teenagers, so that you don¡¯t have to worry about, well¡ªHannah being underfoot and getting in the way of everything?¡± ¡°Oh, um, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head in a decisive negative. ¡°I want it to be for everyone. Hannah absolutely has to be there.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re sure¡ªwell, it¡¯s your funeral!¡± Karen couldn¡¯t help but steal a glance at her friend Sandra¡¯s beaming smile before turning her attention back to jotting down her thoughts. ¡°And,¡± Tabitha added on, ¡°if it¡¯s okay, also my four cousins, they¡¯re also all in elementary still.¡± ¡°All boys?¡± Karen asked. ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°No no no, that¡¯s fine, we can make sure they¡¯re wrangled and entertained too, believe me,¡± Mrs. Macintire assured her. ¡°Somehow. I take it Miss Elena and Miss Alicia go without saying?¡± ¡°Yes, definitely!¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Who else?¡± Karen probed. ¡°Matthew, and Casey, for sure,¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°And¡­ um. I don¡¯t know his name, but there was this¡­ boy, from the Halloween party¡ª¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Sandra sat up slightly with new interest. ¡°Go on!¡± Karen grinned. ¡°I think he was¡­ a power ranger?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°He was in a green getup, and I¡¯m told he was the one who, um, tackled Erica off of me after she attacked me. I never got a chance to thank him, but Elena told me about what he did, and so¡­ I¡¯d really like to invite him. Both him and his girlfriend.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Sandra deflated in her seat. ¡°Okay,¡± Karen chuckled. ¡°That would be¡­ a Mike, I think my husband said his name was. His girlfriend Olivia is part of our youth group, with Matthew and Casey. I¡¯ll have them extend your invitation!¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Then, from Springton High, there¡¯s a girl named Clarissa, and a boy named Bobby I¡¯d like to invite. I think I can have my friends reach them at school about it.¡± ¡°Not the same Clarissa that was bullying you?¡± Mrs. Williams wrote down the names. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ yes, that exact same Clarissa,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°She apologized, I told her that I forgive her and that I wanted to be friends, and then¡ªI dropped off the face of the planet. Was in the hospital, and then just recovering at home, and never followed up on reaching out and connecting with her like I meant to. I want to at least extend an invitation to her.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Karen said. ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°On that note, also Ashlee Taylor¡ªErica Taylor¡¯s little sister,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°We used to be friends, and part of that friendship¡­ ending poorly, led to the misunderstanding where Erica was singling me out to harass me. I don¡¯t know that she would come even if we invited her, but I would like to try to make amends and work towards repairing that relationship. So; Ashlee Taylor.¡± ¡°Mm-hmm,¡± Karen pursed her lips. ¡°That¡¯s very big-hearted of you, hon. I heard from Mrs. Cribb that the girl threw some sort of fuss when she was driven out to visit you in the hospital, though¡ªso. I have to tell you, if there¡¯s any chance this Ashlee girl is going to throw any kind of crazy fit at your party, she¡¯s not to be allowed anywhere near you. This is your birthday party, it¡¯s for you to have a great time. Okay, honey?¡± ¡°We¡¯re not having any repeats of that Halloween party,¡± Mrs. Macintire crossed her arms. ¡°I¡¯m not real sure about Ashlee or that Clarissa girl. Wouldn¡¯t it be better to just not have anyone threatening around at all? Tabitha, it¡¯s your party and you can invite whoever you¡¯d like, but we¡¯d like to be very very sure there won¡¯t be any incidents this time.¡± ¡°Understood,¡± Tabitha gave the two women a sober nod. ¡°I¡¯d still like to at least try to invite them. On that note¡­ well, about my parents...¡± There was a tense silence as they waited to see what she would say. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯ve thought about it, and I think considering the¡­ I think it wouldn¡¯t be good for them to be there in a situation where they still haven¡¯t, um. Where they can¡¯t have any sort of meaningful discussion with me. When there are things that I. I don¡¯t think I can just brush off. I¡ªI mean to say, I¡¯m not quite ready to reconcile where I am now with my life, to where I was even just a week or two ago. Certainly not at a birthday party. I think it would be difficult for them, and uh, stressful for me, and¡ª¡± ¡°Perfectly okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire promised, reaching over to put a hand over Tabitha¡¯s. ¡°Hey, that¡¯s totally fine.¡± ¡°So, I think rather than my birthday party, I¡¯d like to sit down with my parents for a dinner, some other evening,¡± Tabitha finished with a wince. ¡°Maybe if, if one of you could also be present? I would love that. I think that¡­ I think that everyone who¡¯s¡­ being difficult or um, or having difficulties with this, would be less outspoken, or prone to speak without due consideration, if both my grandmother Laurie and one or both of you were there.¡± ¡°She means her father,¡± Sandra tattled to Karen in a murmur. ¡°Oh hush,¡± Mrs. Williams sighed. ¡°You¡¯re completely right. That¡¯s a wonderful idea, Tabitha dear. We¡¯ll keep the birthday party for fun and friends, and then you can have a much more private little dinner get together for your immediate family. In case that gets¡­ serious.¡± ¡°Okay. Thank you,¡± Tabitha seemed to sag with relief. ¡°For understanding, and¡ªfor being so supportive. It means everything to me.¡± ¡°Oh, stop, don¡¯t you worry about a thing,¡± Mrs. Williams waved her off. ¡°Now. Where would you like to go for your party?¡± ¡°I have something in mind, but just,¡± Tabitha tried not to make a face. ¡°Tell me if it¡¯s too much, or if it¡¯s too expensive, okay?¡± Then, Tabitha revealed to them her elaborate birthday plan.
¡°No, you can absolutely invite Bobby to your party,¡± Alicia teased into the phone. ¡°But you have to invite him. I¡¯m not inviting him for you. I¡¯m not lettin¡¯ ¡®Lena invite him for you, either!¡± Alicia¡¯s room had been a mess these past few weeks, because the drafting table that usually went up against the far wall was taking up more space than usual. She¡¯d gotten the thing last Christmas and was incredibly proud of it, because with its slanted surface and adjustable lamp on an arm it made her feel like a serious, professional artist. More recently, when she¡¯d unscrewed the back legs and let it drop down so that the tabletop surface was flat for once, the whole thing needed to be pulled an extra half foot out from where it usually rested. She¡¯d gouged her hip on those treacherous corners in passing more than once before getting used to how much further it stuck out. The table was solid and stable thankfully, and though she¡¯d accidentally bumped into it those several times, the Spirit of Tabitha sitting on top in all its badass glory had never had any unfortunate mishaps. ¡°Aliciaaa,¡± Tabitha¡¯s groan warbled from the handset¡¯s speaker. ¡°Please?¡± ¡°Nope. Nuh-uh, not gonna,¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°You know, I¡¯ve already got enough rivals for your affection. I¡¯m not gonna go addin¡¯ in more myself! That¡¯s on you.¡± The Spirit of Tabitha¡ªthe badass Dragon Models Y-F22 Lightning 2 dominating Alicia¡¯s desk was a fighter jet model she¡¯d built and painted herself, in preparation for Tabitha¡¯s birthday. Alicia had finagled a trip out of town with Casey to pick it up, and then she¡¯d huddled in close beside her dad while he showed her the basics on how to assemble model kit things, using one of the many Star Wars model sets he¡¯d never gotten around to finishing. Putting the F-22 together herself from the printed instructions afterwards was surprisingly easy, dotting the tiniest little spots of superglue and then smearing them along until they were just a perfect wet glint¡ªcarefully fitting it all together and watching it take shape in her hands was really cool. Alicia had practiced painting first on a dollar store plastic fighter jet from an army men set, starting with the primer, then the basecoat, additional colors, metallic sheen, highlights, and finally adding a distinctive wash. After all that, painting the actual expensive F-22 model was a breeze; at 1:72 scale it was much larger than the toy she¡¯d practiced on, she¡¯d learned a trick for steadying her fingers, and her dad insisted she thin her paints and take her time layering enough that the few kludgy mistakes she did make became trivial to correct. The interior of the cockpit was carefully detailed and decorated to perfection with careful work of a paintbrush clipped down to only three or four thin bristles. The tiny little pilot had his helmeted head clipped off, and a rudimentary likeness of Tabitha was approximated with a tiny bead of sculpey that Alicia prodded and poked into desired shape using toothpick and tweezers. The miniature Tabitha face didn¡¯t look good, certainly not under a magnifying glass, but you could tell who it was supposed to be from the way the hair was, which was of course painted Tabitha¡¯s distinctive orangish red. That was all now finished and sealed beneath the clear plastic canopy glued into place. Alicia had no idea what the futuristic fighter jet had been painted like in the fever dream Tabitha had described to them, so she adhered to the basic paint guide illustrated on the model¡¯s box, right down to the little red stripes on the tail fins. The end result¡ªit looked incredible, and she swelled with pride and anticipation every time she admired it. Coolest birthday present I¡¯ll have ever given anyone. By like, MILES. ¡°Very funny,¡± Tabitha sighed, jarring Alicia back to the conversation at hand. ¡°You and Elena see him there at school, so¡ª¡± ¡°Nah, we don¡¯t, really,¡± Alicia blew out an aggrieved sigh. ¡°I know of him, but I don¡¯t know him. Don¡¯t have classes with him, and Elena¡¯s¡ªElena¡¯s anti-social now. Literally. She was social before, and now she is anti.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡ªcould you just pass him a note from me, then?¡± Tabitha groaned. ¡°How about that? You were fine with inviting Michael and Olivia, and we barely know them any better than Bobby!¡± ¡°Totally different. I think¡­ if you¡¯re only inviting Bobby ¡®cause he¡¯s cute and you¡¯re kinda interested, then flat out you need to have the cojones to invite him yourself,¡± Alicia said, using her fingertips to gently rotate the sheet of paper the Spirit of Tabitha rested on, so that she could see it from every angle again. ¡°That¡¯s important. How is it fair to have us go around doin¡¯ your dirty work, huh? You wanna talk to cute boys, you¡¯ve gotta talk to cute boys.¡± ¡°Fine!¡± Tabitha said in exasperation. ¡°Fine. I¡¯ll¡­ I¡¯ll get a hold of him through his brother, I know where he works, at least.¡± ¡°Wait, really?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Yes, his brother works at the gas station right by¡ª¡± ¡°No, are you really gonna ask Bobby to go to your party?¡± Alicia clarified. ¡°Like, what are you gonna say? You¡¯ve barely ever talked to him, he doesn¡¯t really know you, and what¡¯s your rationale, huh? ¡®Uhhh hey you¡¯re cute, come to my party?¡¯ What are you gonna say?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not¡ªit¡¯s not like that, I don¡¯t like him or anything,¡± Tabitha insisted. ¡°Okay?¡± ¡°Thennnn, why is it so important that this guy you don¡¯t even really know goes to your party?¡± Alicia countered, amused and indignant and a little guilty for how petty she was feeling about this all at once. ¡°Huh? Do you know him from the future? Does he become some celebrity bigshot?¡± ¡°No. Just. Because¡ªI want him to,¡± Tabitha mustered her best defense. ¡°I don¡¯t remember anything about him at all, from my last life. I just think it¡¯d be cool if he was there. I don¡¯t like him, our age difference stuff is¡­ you know how complicated that is.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia was silent for a few moments. ¡°Then¡ªwhy are you wanting him there? Walk me through this, so we can be on the same page. You¡¯re making it complicated. What are you even gonna do about that? Dating, I mean. You just not gonna date ¡®til you¡¯re eighteen? The weird age difference¡¯ll still be there then, too. Only gonna go after way older guys? That¡¯s just as weird. I think. You¡¯ve dated before, right? Like, in your last life? Your previous one?¡± ¡°I dated before,¡± Tabitha said in a stiff voice. ¡°It went¡ªit went very, very poorly, it gave me some issues, and because of that I, I, I resigned myself to just not dating. To just being single. But, I don¡¯t want to do that this time. I want to, to¡ªget everything right, this time through. Do everything the way I always wanted to.¡± ¡°Pfftt, do everything, huh?¡± Alicia snorted. ¡°Wow, damn. So, doing Bobby is your¡ª¡± ¡°Funny. Yes, Alicia, I do want to have sex in this lifetime, but no, I do not want that with Bobby, nor do I want that anytime soon! At all! Maybe in like¡ªmy mid-twenties somewhere, when I¡¯m maybe less of a basket case about age stuff and oh god EW feeling like I¡¯m a pedo or a groomer or¡ªor all that. Okay, Alicia? The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°What I want is to have crushes, have normal-for-this-age dates and stuff, eventually later fall in love, like fall deeply, head-over-heels in love with someone, to have someone feel that way for me, like I¡¯m their whole world, like, like¡ªAlicia, I¡¯ve already done the alone forever and plenty bitter and miserable about it thing. I¡¯m just not fucking doing that again. I¡¯m not gonna miss out on everything, this time. I¡¯m not going to let all of these things pass me by. ¡°I¡¯ve put a lot of thought into this, sorta, in that the existential dread of fucking this up again and not having the life I want keeps creeping in on me late at night, whether I want to think about it or not. Looking over all my past mistakes, dwelling on them endlessly. Terrified, that by inaction I could be retreading those mistakes. Am I in love with Bobby, Alicia? No. No, I am not. Do I have a crush on him? No, not really even that. I am a little interested in him, that terrifies me and weirds me out and I like it, and, and¡ªI¡¯m not gonna run away from that or avoid it, this time. This is, it¡¯s a start. I need to start somewhere with these, these kind of things, because I know exactly how easy it is to just never start at all. ¡°I¡¯m not going to ask him out. I¡¯m not going to throw myself at him. I¡¯m just going to¡ªto be normal and if things develop in a perfectly normal young-teens PG-13 relationship way, I will go with that. I need to start somewhere. I¡¯m, I¡¯m perfectly fine with starting small and, and just dating in name only, or holding hands, or not kissing ¡®til I¡¯m sixteen or, or¡ª¡± Alicia waited for Tabitha to finish her long ramble with bated breath, but the next words never came, instead just stretching out into a defeated silence. The teen stood, still clutching the handset phone against her ear, and began to pace back and forth in front of her bed, because¡ªshe didn¡¯t know what to say to all of that. ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha eventually said in a small voice. ¡°N-no, I¡ªI just, I don¡¯t know what to say,¡± Alicia stammered out. ¡°Like what can I say, anyways? I¡¯ve never had a boyfriend or anything, yet. Elena had one in middle school. But, she doesn¡¯t like talking about that whole thing.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°It¡¯s. I don¡¯t know. You¡¯re right, really. I¡¯m going to ask him myself, that¡¯s important.¡± ¡°He¡­¡± Alicia paused. ¡°Bobby works at the McDonalds in Springton, I do know that. That¡¯s right off the same main street your trailer park is¡ªjust, you know, way blocks and blocks and blocks down towards the other end of, towards the busy side of town. You could probably walk there, or bike there.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath as if steeling her nerves. ¡°Thank you. I keep forgetting I¡¯m not in the park anymore too, hah. Thanks, though.¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªno problem,¡± Alicia said, slapping a hand over her face. What am I DOING? ¡°And¡­ sorry again for just kind¡­ of dumping all that on you out of nowhere,¡± Tabitha murmured. ¡°All my issues. I always do, and I don¡¯t mean to, it just¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s totally cool,¡± Alicia assured her. ¡°We¡¯re friends.¡± ¡°When are you going to drop some of your issues on me, for a change?¡± Tabitha asked with a wry chuckle. ¡°So that this doesn¡¯t feel so one-sided?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Alicia panicked for a moment. ¡°I don¡¯t have¡ªwell like, my issues are dumb. They¡¯re not important. They¡¯re¡ªuh¡ªthey¡¯re¡ª¡± ¡°If they¡¯re your issues, then they¡¯re not dumb, because I care about you, we care about you,¡± Tabitha argued. ¡°Just. Want you to always know that. Whenever you¡¯re ready to talk about anything. I¡¯m here, we¡¯re here. Okay?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia said, turning off her desk lamp so that it didn¡¯t feel like the 1:72 scale Tabitha in the little fighter cockpit could see her. ¡°Yeah. I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m not ready to talk about my shit, yet.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°But, when I am ready¡ªI will,¡± Alicia promised. ¡°I really will. Cool?¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Tabitha echoed. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ gonna talk to Bobby.¡±
¡°I can pick you up McDonald¡¯s,¡± Mrs. Macintire offered. ¡°Used to grab something for Hannah just about every other week, but you¡¯ve just been so on top of cooking up dinners! I¡¯m sure she misses her Happy Meals, she just has to have all those little toys. What do you usually get, what do you want from McDonald¡¯s?¡± ¡°Actually,¡± Tabitha swallowed, looking down at the table. ¡°I just¡­ want to invite a boy who works there to my birthday party. Bobby.¡± ¡°Oh!¡± Mrs. Macintire beamed. ¡°I see. The one from school?¡± ¡°Yes, he was,¡± Tabitha didn¡¯t look up. ¡°My friends said I have to invite him myself, if I want him to go.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s smile dropped a bit. ¡°Any reason why they¡¯d say that?¡± ¡°They think I don¡¯t know him well enough,¡± Tabitha gave a small shrug. ¡°Also, to uh, I think they just want to tease me about the whole thing.¡± ¡°Okay, I see,¡± Mrs. Macintire considered for a moment. ¡°Am I allowed to tease you about it?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha froze, stealing a glance up at the woman. ¡°Is that¡­ is not teasing me about it an option?¡± ¡°It can be, just this once,¡± Sandra smirked. ¡°I take it you like this boy?¡± ¡°I¡¯m interested in him, but I don¡¯t think I like him yet,¡± Tabitha hurried to explain. ¡°If I do like him, it¡¯s fine if everyone teases me about it, and I can handle that. Within reason. If I wind up not liking him¡­ I¡¯d just want the topic not even ever brought up, so that¡­ everything can move on past that and I can forget about it. Or, um, at least not dwell on it. Too much.¡± ¡°Mm-hmmm.¡± ¡°I think I might want to like him, and he¡¯s cute. I just. I don¡¯t really know him that well, yet, and um, and in this context of, of boys and things? I¡¯m not sure I know myself all that well, yet. But, this is¡ªI¡¯d like to, I see it as a step towards figuring that out, and I know I¡¯m not normal, and I¡¯m afraid of not taking that step just because it¡¯s scary, or whatever. Because that¡¯s not good.¡± ¡°Say no more,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, holding up a hand. ¡°We can go get McDonald¡¯s whenever you¡¯re ready! I¡¯ll park outside, and you can run in and order, if you¡¯re cool with also getting Hannah a Happy Meal.¡± ¡°I can do that,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Ketchup and pickle only. I remember.¡± ¡°Ketchup and pickle only,¡± Sandra confirmed. ¡°Before we go, do you want to get yourself dressed up a bit?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha¡¯s brow furrowed. ¡°No, I just. Just want to go like this, to look normal. Not make it a big deal.¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Sandra rose out of her seat and grabbed her purse from the other side of the table, slinging the strap over one shoulder. ¡°That was a test, by the way¡ªyou passed. Not gonna tease you, nothing to tease about yet.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said, fidgeting with her blouse as she rose up as well and tucked her chair back in. ¡°For being cool about this. It¡¯s so stupid, but it was so scary and stressful even bringing it up, and¡ªI kept just wanting to lie about it, to ask if we could grab McDonald¡¯s, but not say anything about Bobby. Which is even more stupid, because¡ªbecause I don¡¯t know if I like him, yet. I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m babbling, aren¡¯t I?¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Macintire took the girl by the shoulders. ¡°You¡¯re fine. Trust me, I get it. You¡¯re ready?¡± ¡°Ready as I¡¯ll ever be,¡± Tabitha presented an uneasy smile. ¡°I think?¡±
He probably won¡¯t even be working today, Tabitha told herself. Nothing to be nervous about, anyways. Silly. Stupid. At the same time, these jitters made her feel a certain kind of thrilling giddiness. She liked feeling them, feeling this kind of nervous meant something, it made her feel like a teen, or what she thought a teen should feel like. Butterflies dancing in her stomach was something she¡¯d only felt once or twice last life, and they¡¯d been mercilessly quashed by the utter impossibility of her ever talking to the random high school senior guy she¡¯d crushed on back when she¡¯d been going through twelfth grade. Mrs. Macintire was cruising them along towards McDonald¡¯s in her sporty little Acura. The woman had made a few attempts at small talk, but seemed to sense how distracted Tabitha was, and let them ride on in silence. It wasn¡¯t an ominous silence, nor was it a silence full of anticipation and second-guessing. Tabitha instead felt¡ªshe wasn¡¯t sure how to describe how she felt. An invitation with the details to her party was folded on a sheet of printer paper in her good hand, her cast had gotten a single spritz of vanilla air freshener to combat that unavoidable weird cast smell that began cropping up, and no appreciable acne or bumps were apparent when she checked and rechecked in the little mirror of the Acura¡¯s flip-down sun visor. Springton was by no means a large town, and in no time at all McDonald¡¯s was in sight¡ªwhat Tabitha thought of as a retro design, the distinctive McDonald¡¯s double-sloped french mansard-style roofing with the distinctive exterior bracing. The iconic look had disappeared in remodels at some point throughout the haze of future years she remembered, but Tabitha wasn¡¯t able to put a finger on exactly when. At this time of day between the after school hours and the dinner rush, clientele at the restaurant seemed sparse, with only a pair of cars idling in the drive-thru and a single one parked in front. Okay. Okay. Not even busy, no pressure. When they actually pulled into the McDonald¡¯s, however, the distant and vague fog of nervousness tightened in and became a squeezing anxiety in her gut. Tabitha became conscious of how she was breathing and therefore began breathing manually rather than automatically, her eyes flitted everywhere, darting from the McDonald¡¯s double doors to the glass windows to the Acura¡¯s dashboard to the other cars, and that flighty sort of panic rose up for reasons she couldn¡¯t explain. ¡°Here we are,¡± Mrs. Macintire announced. ¡°Are you¡ªTabitha, look at me.¡± ¡°Yes?¡± Tabitha answered a little too quickly. ¡°Sit here with me for a bit,¡± Sandra said, taking off her sunglasses. ¡°You¡¯re okay. Deep breaths. Don¡¯t be embarrassed. Nothing to be nervous about. Everything¡¯s perfectly normal.¡± ¡°You can tell?!¡± Tabitha hunched forward in her seat as if she could duck down below the windows and out of view. ¡°Only because I know what to look for!¡± Mrs. Macintire assured her. ¡°You¡¯re fine. Odds are, he won¡¯t even be in there today.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I was thinking that. He might not even be there today.¡± ¡°And, you¡¯re not sure if you even like him yet,¡± Mrs. Macintire reminded her. ¡°Right!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯m not sure I even like him yet. I just¡ªstarted getting nervous out of nowhere for absolutely no reason. It¡¯s so silly. Stupid.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not silly, or stupid,¡± Mrs. Macintire promised. ¡°Completely normal. I can go in with you, if you want.¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I can do this¡ªbecause, it¡¯s not even a big deal at all.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not, it¡¯s not a big deal at all,¡± Mrs. Macintire reaffirmed. ¡°No big deal!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha let a nervous giggle slip out. ¡°But, then this this this wave of hormones just kinda washed in, and all of the sudden it was actually a really really BIG deal, and thank you, for uh, for stopping me. For a second. Helping me collect myself. For understanding. Thank you.¡± ¡°Take as long as you need,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°Hours, if you have to.¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Not hours. I¡¯m fine now, I think. I¡¯m going in. Thank you.¡± ¡°Okay good, I was kidding,¡± Mrs. Macintire smiled. ¡°Hours woulda been way too much.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha agreed as she finagled her passenger¡¯s side door open. ¡°And it¡¯s no big deal. It really isn¡¯t. Cool.¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled, slipping her shades back on. As Tabitha left the woman behind and hurried towards the doors she realized once again that smartphones were still almost a full decade away. Mrs. Macintire wasn¡¯t exactly going to be sitting there browsing through a pager feed to pass the time while waiting on her. Was so COOL of her to do this for me, to bring me out this way and everything. I need to find some way to make it up to her, think of something nice I can do. To her equal parts delight and mortification, Tabitha discovered Bobby was in fact working today, dressed now in a red polo shirt and matching cap as he loitered behind the front counter. He was cute, and something about his nice jawline and the dimples that formed when he smiled upon seeing her seemed to light up the room in that Heath Ledger sort of way. Maybe like Heath Ledger but younger, without quite as solid a build and all the muscle just yet. If Bobby grew out his hair and worked out a bit¡­ Tabitha struggled to determine her own surge of weird feelings. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m ATTRACTED, exactly. Maybe a little. I think mostly it¡¯s just like¡ªI don¡¯t know. Like he makes me want to smile? ¡°Madame¡ªallow me to welcome to McDonald¡¯s, Springton¡¯s premiere fine dining experience,¡± Bobby delivered with a straight face. ¡°Can I interest you in any of our award-winning appetizers, or hors d''oeuvres?¡± ¡°Hi, Bobby,¡± Tabitha said with a huge smile and an embarrassed wave. ¡°Just two Happy Meals. Oh! For one of them, if you can make it ketchup and pickle only?¡± ¡°Of course! Anything for you, mademoiselle,¡± Bobby nodded, punching the items into the register. ¡°Two happy meals with extra happy, one of those with ketchup and pickle only. That¡¯ll come to¡ªfour forty seven.¡± Unable to help herself, Tabitha¡¯s eyes were drawn to the vintage point of sale device he was using. It was a computer, of sorts, a boxy oblong terminal that looked like a bathroom scale covered with color-coded buttons, featuring a connected small flat display for the cashier to read. She knew touch-screen devices didn¡¯t exist yet, but it was interesting all the same to see the fast food place operating on the constraints of such primitive computing. If she had to guess, not only was the battered and clunky-looking terminal old to her¡ªit was likely old to the McDonald¡¯s workers as well, a relic of the late eighties or early nineties lingering on until the owner could be bothered to update their equipment here. ¡°With extra happy?¡± Tabitha let out an uneasy chuckle as she singled out a five from her small roll of remaining bills and handed it to him. ¡°Wasn¡¯t that a¡ªyou know, from the news, some McDonalds guy was selling heroin on the side, and that was their secret code or whatever?¡± ¡°Huh? Oh, no, no, not heroin,¡± Bobby gave her a look she couldn¡¯t decipher. ¡°Nope. You see, we¡¯ve got this secret passageway in the back, that leads down to the Yeerk pool beneath the city. Happy meal with extra happy¡¯s just the code we use so those ordinary humans don¡¯t catch on. You know?¡± ¡°Uhhh?¡± Tabitha was torn between attempting to play along and admitting that whatever reference this was, it was completely passing her by. ¡°Animorphs,¡± Bobby shrugged to himself, counting out her change. ¡°Not a big book reader, I guess? I pegged you for the reader type.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha managed to squeak out. ¡°No, but actually yes?¡± ¡°S¡¯alright,¡± Bobby said. ¡°Animorphs is an acquired taste, mayb¡ªwait, no, you wouldn¡¯t get that one either, huh. Damnit.¡± ¡°Bobby¡ªcan I ask you a personal question?¡± Tabitha quirked her lip. ¡°Uh-oh,¡± Bobby gave her a look of mock alarm that made her want to laugh. ¡°Hah, kidding. Yeah, go for it.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just, I¡¯m just realizing,¡± Tabitha fidgeted with the invitation she held. ¡°Your whole redneck accent you played up at school¡ªthat was just you messing with everyone, wasn¡¯t it? Just like this.¡± ¡°Ayhup yeah-buddy!¡± Bobby drawled with a self-satisfied smirk. ¡°Hell, when I lay on the charm, it gets under the skins of them cityfolk that talk all proper-like somethin¡¯ fierce, know¡¯m¡¯sayin¡¯?¡± ¡°I suppose it would?¡± Tabitha said. I KNOW he¡¯s like a class clown, but I hadn¡¯t realized how skewed some of my impressions of him already were. To me he really WAS ¡®that redneck kid.¡¯ But he¡¯s not, really. He¡¯s¡ªhe¡¯s just BOBBY, I guess. This sort of loveable idiot. ¡°Well, ah don¡¯t mean nothin¡¯ by it,¡± Bobby shrugged, unfolding a pair of cardboard Happy Meal boxes into ready position. ¡°Just havin¡¯ fun.¡± ¡°Right,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s cool.¡± ¡°To drink for the meals?¡± Bobby asked. ¡°Coke products.¡± ¡°Oh, um. One coke, and one water?¡± ¡°Cool. Alright now, serious-talk, big decision time,¡± Bobby said, bending down to rifle through a carry bag below the counter. ¡°Toys are A Bug¡¯s Life, annnnd nah, we¡¯re already out of Hemlock the caterpillar dude. So! We¡¯ve got¡ªFlik, Princess Atta, Dot, Ladybug dude, Grasshopper dude the evil guy, big rhino beetle dude, and the spider chick.¡± ¡°I¡­ haven¡¯t seen A Bug¡¯s Life,¡± Tabitha admitted with a small smile. ¡°What would you recommend?¡± ¡°As an industry expert, I know a lot about these kind of toys,¡± Bobby boasted with a serious expression. ¡°This series is all wind-ups and pull-backs, so you can expect play value time will just barely hold their interest through the time it takes ¡®em to eat the entire Happy Meal. Boys? Girls? How old are they?¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m eating one of the meals, but both of the toys¡¯ll go to Hannah, and she¡¯s¡­ seven?¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°Hannah, seven,¡± Bobby paused, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling for a moment. ¡°Hannah. Dark hair, comes in with Matthew sometimes?¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡ªyeah, that¡¯s her,¡± Tabitha flushed. ¡°You remember her?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a really small town,¡± Bobby said. ¡°I always talk to the kids ¡®bout what toy they want, ¡®cause I¡¯m not an a-hole like Jeremy who¡¯s just gonna throw them in whatever. Hannah comes in pretty regular. Like I said; industry. Expert.¡± ¡°Clearly,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°In which case¡ªI¡¯m gonna ask, does she have any of these ones, yet?¡± Bobby asked, sorting out a small arrangement of individually wrapped plastic toy junk on the counter between them. ¡°¡®Cause if it¡¯s the Hannah I¡¯m thinkin¡¯ of, she wants to collect the set, and not have any wasted on doubles.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Not that I¡¯ve seen anywhere. I think it¡¯s been a little while since she¡¯s had McDonald¡¯s.¡± ¡°Alright then, I¡¯m giving you Flik, and Princess Atta,¡± Bobby decided, swiping all but two of the toys off the counter and back into the carry bag. ¡°Bad guy aside, these are the big main characters, and also the only two in this series that are pull-backs, instead of wind-ups. So, you two can find a flat surface somewhere and race ¡®em. Not the best Happy Meal toys I¡¯ve seen, but definitely the best play value you¡¯re gonna get out of this bunch we got now.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Very¡­ thoughtful of you. Professional.¡± ¡°No problem,¡± Bobby nodded, visibly pleased with himself. ¡°You haven¡¯t seen A Bug¡¯s Life, though?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t get out to the movies much,¡± Tabitha shook her head again. ¡°Do you want to, sometime?¡± Bobby asked. ¡°Theater right over in Sandboro, if you want we cou¡ª¡± ¡°Bobby,¡± Tabitha interrupted, quirking her head and just releasing that smile she¡¯d been completely failing to suppress. ¡°What are you doing this weekend?¡± ¡°I am completely free,¡± Bobby promised, his eyebrows raising up in apparent surprise. Two small cups were grabbed, jabbed into the handle for the ice dispenser for their requisite ice, and then filled. Tabitha watched Bobby¡¯s forearms as he capped each beverage with a lid and then fit them into a paperboard drink carrier. His arms looked nice, but she couldn¡¯t put her finger on why¡ªthey didn¡¯t seem overly muscular. They stood out to her for some impossible-to-define reason, as if they were simply nice to look at. So strange. ¡°This weekend?¡± Bobby asked. ¡°I¡¯m¡ªI mean yeah sure technically I¡¯m scheduled to be here, but no matter what, I can call in favors to cover my shifts. I will be completely, one hundred percent free. What¡¯re you thinking? Movies? Dinner? Lunch?¡± ¡°I¡¯m having my birthday party this weekend,¡± Tabitha said, finally offering him the folded invitation. ¡°You should come.¡± ¡°Birthday? Yeah, awesome,¡± Bobby took the paper from her. ¡°Cool, I¡¯ll be there. You¡¯re fourteen, right? Thirteen. Fifteen? Shit, and you told me just last time I saw you. What do you want for your birthday?¡± ¡°I¡¯m turning fourteen,¡± Tabitha said, comforted by his apparent nervousness. ¡°No one has to get me anything, or bring anything I just want everyone to come and, y¡¯know. Have a great time.¡± ¡°Cool. My uh, my name¡¯s on this invitation,¡± Bobby exclaimed in surprise. ¡°Wow, damn. You came here to invite me? Like not as a random ¡®hey oh by the way I¡¯m havin¡¯ a party?¡¯¡± ¡°Yep,¡± Tabitha admitted, feeling her cheeks burn. ¡°And uh, and also here to pick up two Happy Meals?¡± ¡°Right! Yeah, sorry,¡± Bobby spun, realizing the wrapped cheeseburgers were already waiting in the little rows of the display warmer behind him. ¡°One sec. Cool. It¡¯s just, no one¡¯s ever invited me to your birthday party before, you know? First time.¡± ¡°I, uh¡ªyeah,¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Well, awesome, I¡¯ll be there for sure,¡± Bobby promised. ¡°Count me in. I¡¯ll think of something real cool for a present. You like movies? You have a VHS player?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha thought for a moment. ¡°Yeah, the family I¡¯m staying with definitely does.¡± ¡°Family you¡¯re staying with?¡± Bobby asked, passing her the order bit by bit. ¡°Sounds like a whole big story.¡± The two Happy Meal boxes and a drink carrier weren¡¯t as easy to handle as she¡¯d hoped with the limited range of finger motion her cast afforded her, so Tabitha awkwardly hugged it all against herself so that she¡¯d have a hand free for the door. ¡°It uhh,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Yeah, kinda. I¡¯m uhh¡ªHannah¡¯s mom¡¯s parked and waiting outside and I¡¯m already super embarrassed so¡ªI¡¯m gonna go. Come to the party, if you can? This weekend.¡± ¡°You¡¯re embarrassed, come on¡ªI work at a McDonald¡¯s,¡± Bobby teased with a grin. ¡°Hey!¡± An indignant shout from behind the warmer shelf called out, and a cook in the back leaned over the fry station to try and see them. ¡°Yo, I heard that.¡± ¡°Yeah, so don¡¯t be embarrassed!¡± Bobby called after Tabitha as she fled towards the door. ¡°Definitely gonna be there at the party.¡± ¡°Party?! What party?¡± The cook yelled, and then Tabitha was rushing through the double doors to escape with a giggle. Wow. Bobby. He makes me feel¡­ Tabitha felt like jumping, or dancing, or doing a little pirouette. Something. I dunno. ¡°I don¡¯t like him though,¡± Tabitha affirmed to herself with a broad smile. ¡°Or, I only like him a little.¡± She hopped down the curb and next to the waiting Acura in a daze, realizing she didn¡¯t have quite the leverage to lean down and reach the door handle while juggling two Happy Meals. Mrs. Macintire was aware of her plight, and leaned all the way over to unlatch her door and give it a nudge open, and then Tabitha was able to get herself seated and the food cartons situated in her lap without making eye contact with the woman. ¡°Well, I guess it went well?¡± Sandra asked in a rather smug tone. ¡°Tabitha¡­ what the hell, please tell me you didn¡¯t get my little monster two Happy Meals?¡± ¡°One is for me!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Mostly. You or her can have my fries. Both toys are for the little monster.¡± ¡°Yeah yeah yeah, was he there?¡± Mrs. Macintire pressed. ¡°Can I tease you, now?¡± ¡°He was there!¡± Tabitha announced with pride. ¡°I invited him. He said he¡¯ll probably be there. I like him a little. You can tease me.¡± ¡°Well that¡¯s wonderful!¡± Sandra said, starting the vehicle again. ¡°And, he¡¯s cute? In your grade?¡± ¡°He¡¯s cute,¡± Tabitha reported. ¡°A freshman. He seems nice. I don¡¯t know much about him.¡± ¡°That¡¯s all a good start though, right?¡± Sandra backed them out of the parking space. ¡°Maybe?¡± Tabitha mused. ¡°I like him a little, but mostly I just don¡¯t even know how to feel.¡± As they rode on home, Tabitha felt a strange sense of accomplishment. Either she¡¯d been imagining this first little step would be much more difficult than it was, or Mrs. Macintire was right and it really wasn¡¯t that big of a deal. It was and it wasn¡¯t. Part of her had felt gut-clenching fear and honest dread at attempting to talk to Bobby, and then a part of her was surprised by how easy it wound up being. Bobby just makes me feel¡­ NORMAL, Tabitha hugged the two Happy Meal boxes against herself, relishing their warmth after the momentary stint outside. Like a normal teenage girl. I think that¡¯s it. I totally don¡¯t LIKE him; he just makes me feel normal, and obviously I¡¯m incredibly drawn to that feeling. When I¡¯m around him I feel welcome, feel like I belong here in this body, in this TIME PERIOD. Bobby makes me feel¡ªhe makes me feel like the future isn¡¯t so oppressively close or set in stone, like I DON¡¯T know what¡¯s going to happen. Like there¡¯s all sorts of THE PRESENT to discover yet, before I wind up seeing all that awful future all over again. 44, Before the party. ¡°I been sayin¡¯ it and sayin¡¯ it and sayin¡¯ it. I¡¯m innocent an¡¯ I ain¡¯t done nothin¡¯, like I been done told y¡¯all!¡± The bleached blonde woman hissed out and then spat a glob of mucus onto the carpet, narrowly missing the table. ¡°So I ain¡¯t gone talk ta nobody ¡®til I getta lawyer!¡± ¡°Yes Ma¡¯am, that would be me,¡± Bill said with a straight face, placing down his case documents. ¡°Bill Kennedy, I¡¯ll be representing you.¡± He knew better than to make the mistake of offering her a handshake¡ªsome of these junkie types could be downright feral when you least expected it. Here in the county office where she¡¯d been scrubbed clean of her makeup, this Lisa Moore woman had that look, that hard look about her, that gangly, drug-ravaged face Bill was all too familiar with. He¡¯d introduced himself to her two days ago, but the woman had been so strung out that the entire encounter was apparently a bleary hallucination to her now. The small room here was brightly lit and the furnishings were worn, but having the necessary privacy for the usual farce of legal consultation with yet another extremely belligerent defendant would always feel too confining. As absurd and counterproductive as it was, sometimes clients did attack the attorneys assigned to represent them. Especially these twitchy ones like Lisa. They were to a fault always angry, paranoid, and desperate to shift blame to anyone and everyone else, which meant all the professionalism in the world he could muster here was likely to fall on deaf ears. That didn¡¯t mean his work was pointless¡ªprosecution could and would always attempt to stick charges well beyond whatever his clients actually deserved, and Bill fought hard to balance the scales of justice as best he could. Even when they didn¡¯t make it easy. ¡°Y¡¯are?¡± Lisa gave him an up and down calculating look. ¡°I think yer fulla shit¡ªain¡¯tcha bit young to be a lawyer?¡± ¡°Exercise and clean living,¡± Bill said with a chuckle and a small smile. ¡°Now, today I¡¯m here to go over a few things with you about custody of your children.¡± You will not be retaining custody of your children. Bill knew this, he suspected this Lisa woman knew this, and although his job was to defend this client, he took his job seriously, and was in fact great at his job¡ªcertain realities of the situation were immutable. Lisa was an addict with a criminal record, and had proven she would lie, cheat, and¡ªif circumstances were right¡ªprobably kill to ensure she kept getting her fix. He felt some sympathy for her, but after several years of handling similar cases, it was only a very small, distant feeling. Lisa was, in Bill¡¯s opinion, simply a slave to her compulsion. She¡¯d lied about her drug abuse, until realizing there was simply no way the police were going to release her back out into society. Then, she¡¯d flipped her story and lied about her usual heroin intake, in an attempt to have their rehabilitation program increase the 10mg dosage of Methadone they were giving her to the maximum of 40mg. In other words, if she thought she could get away with passing for normal, she would try to do that. If Lisa thought exacerbating her own withdrawal symptoms would result in her getting more opioids, then she would obviously exaggerate or even fabricate them. Her total lack of credibility was not going to make his work easy. ¡°Mah kids?¡± Lisa seemed baffled. ¡°Well what the hell about ¡®em?¡± ¡°Sole legal custody of your children will¡­ likely be defaulting to your husband¡¯s mother¡ªit says here Lauren J. Moore.¡± ¡°Yeah well they been stayin¡¯ with their gramma Laurie, but they ain¡¯t her fuckin¡¯ kids,¡± Lisa seemed to relax upon recognizing a familiar name. ¡°They¡¯re still my kids, and ain¡¯t no law in the world can ever take that away from me.¡± ¡°You¡¯re¡­ absolutely correct Ma¡¯am, they will always be your children,¡± Bill fought not to come off as patronizing. ¡°Custody-wise, however, they will not be under your purview.¡± ¡°An¡¯ what in the hell¡¯s that even s¡¯pposed to mean?¡± Lisa guffawed. ¡°Y¡¯all can¡¯t ever keep me from seein¡¯ my boys. Ain¡¯t legal no way, no how, an¡¯ not a court in all of the united states of America is gonna see otherwise! I¡¯m their momma.¡± ¡°Alright, so¡ªlet¡¯s start at the beginning,¡± Bill steeled himself for what was going to be a long and arduous session. ¡°There are seven basic ways a parent can lose custody of a child. One¡ªabuse or neglect.¡± ¡°Well I ain¡¯t never hurt nor neglected ¡®em,¡± Lisa asserted with confidence. ¡°I ain¡¯t neven absent, by Kentucky law absentee parentin¡¯s gotta be four months, and I was only off over in Shelbyville like, two months. Two months, tops.¡± It¡¯s a little chilling that she knows that, Bill reflected. Almost calculating. But, I suppose her social circle might include some other tweaker would-be mother who may have disseminated her own court experiences. Which usually winds up hurting, rather than helping. ¡°Two¡ªirresponsible use of drugs or alcohol,¡± Bill spread out the papers from his folder to indicate why this would be a problem for her. ¡°Well shit,¡± The woman scoffed, folding her arms in front of her. ¡°Yer mah lawyer, s¡¯on you to help make sure none o¡¯ them total baloney charges stick. I¡¯m innocent, I ain¡¯t never done no drugs I weren¡¯t a s¡¯pposed to. I take a buncha advils, ¡®cause I got chronic pain, and they¡¯re tryna say that cause o¡¯ that it¡¯s like I was testin¡¯ positive for all sortsa illegal stuff. But I ain¡¯t into all that. I been done told them. Again and again.¡± ¡°We can fight those charges,¡± Bill gave her a sober nod. ¡°That¡¯s a battle we can fight, if you choose to. If that¡¯s what you want to do, I¡¯m here to help you do that. But, I will tell you¡ªit will not be an easy fight, and because of your previous drug charges in Shelbyville, that¡¯s enough for a court order for involuntary termination of parental rights. Your previous charges¡ªthat is not a battle we can fight. Do you understand? If you decide you want to appeal a custody order¡ªit will not be easy. It will be very difficult.¡± ¡°Which was¡ªyou know they was all bullshit too, same as this!¡± Lisa was growing more and more agitated. ¡°This, this is all a buncha bullshit!¡± ¡°Okay, okay,¡± Bill held up a hand. ¡°Let me continue. Where was I? Three¡ªchild abduction. Nothing to worry about there, I should hope. Right? Four¡ªdisobeying a court order. That one will be a problem, because you had right¡­ yes, right here a court ordered custody evaluation from Shelby County that you were¡­ it says here that you did not appear for. Is that correct?¡± ¡°An¡¯ how in the hell was I s¡¯pposed ta even get to it?! It was onna Wednesday, an¡¯ my girl Lizzie weren¡¯t able ta give me a ride out ta there on Wednesday, on account of ¡®cause o¡¯ her job hours. Which I ain¡¯t in control of, it¡¯s her job hours, at her job. I¡¯ma not the boss o¡¯ her. I called in and tried to explain that to them at the time when I got that stupid fuckin¡¯ notice, but they was just givin¡¯ me all this, this same bullshit runaround and were¡¯nt even alistenin¡¯ to what I was tellin¡¯ them.¡± ¡°Okay, that¡¯s¡ªthat¡¯s something,¡± Bill said, restraining a grimace. ¡°But, failure to appear for your evaluation, that works against you on this, and makes it a difficult battle. You can see how that¡¯d work against you, right?¡± ¡°From where I¡¯m standin¡¯ everything and everyone seems set to work against me, and that¡¯s just not right,¡± Lisa appeared incredulous to her circumstances. ¡°I¡¯m a good momma, I¡¯m a great momma, and I ain¡¯t doin¡¯ drugs or been doin¡¯ drugs. Ever. I was over¡¯n Shelbyville tryin¡¯ get to where I got money comin¡¯ in again, and that¡¯s it! That whole mess of malarkey? They were all dead set on stickin¡¯ me with charges for was bullshit in the first place! An¡¯ I think if we can go back to there and get that all figgered out, this whole new mess just sorts itself out, right? By Kentucky law. I mean that nonsense before was bad enough, and now they tryna take my kids away, too?!¡± ¡°Let¡¯s just¡­ let¡¯s move on to five, six, and seven¡ªinterference, perjury, and risk,¡± Bill said with a sigh. ¡°We¡¯re good on those, probably, but they could still be tricky depending on how they decide to interpret how things have gone down. Now, if you decide that what you want to do is fight for custody of your children, we will have to work on the right side of that interpretation, do you understand?¡± ¡°S¡¯all that stupid little bitch¡¯s fault, you unnerstand me?¡± Lisa snarled. ¡°Tabitha! I saw her! I saw her lookin¡¯ down her pretty li¡¯l fuckin¡¯ nose at me. Lookin¡¯ for some bullshit excuse to go and be a little fuckin¡¯ snitch about. Huh? How ¡®bout that, huh? She goes and fuckin¡¯, and fuckin¡¯¡ªshe just snatches my purse away an¡¯ an¡¯ an¡¯ fuckin¡¯ runs off with it! She coulda planted anything in there and now I¡¯m s¡¯pposed to take the rap for it? NO! No, not no way, no how!¡± Bill frowned and leaned back in his chair¡ªaway from her implausibly foul breath. He was still considering it. Possession of the heroin ¡®discovered¡¯ in Lisa Moore¡¯s purse was suspect, if only because of how it had been discovered, and in other circumstances that would have been the key detail he built his case around. Maybe for a less belligerent client, he would put in extra effort. Maybe not. Shelbyville PD had matched up the samples and confirmed that the opiates were from the same source she¡¯d been caught before with there in Shelbyville. This Tabitha girl who¡¯d discovered the heroin was a young teen on home rest from school, recovering from some kind of medical procedure. The mother there was an apparent shut-in, and the dad was an ordinary bloke with no criminal record¡ªnone of their drug test results had come back as even ambiguous; they were all completely clean. The local police here treated Lisa more like a poorly trained animal than another human being, which was unusual; after asking around he discovered she¡¯d urinated inside one of their squad cars. Bill Kennedy was an attorney, not a goddamn miracle worker¡ªhe could and probably would bring up that the evidence for the new possession charges was questionable, and go through the motions of trying to wiggle her out from that. But, I think in this case it really would just be me going through the motions¡ªthere¡¯s simply no conceivable way anyone will meet Lisa and then allow her to retain custody of her children.
¡°Mom got arrested,¡± Aiden said. ¡°We know, doofus,¡± Nicholas rolled his eyes. Legends of the Hidden Temple was playing on Nickelodeon, but the volume was turned way down while grandma Laurie had her nap, the contestant teams were on the lackluster steps of knowledge part, and it was a rerun anyways. All four cousins were bored and listless, the two older boys draping themselves across the couch while the younger pair was forced to make do on the floor amid scattered toys. Segments of the already-familiar episode were broken up only by the same old commercials they¡¯d seen dozens of times before already, rendering the television into meaningless noise that none of them were paying much attention to. ¡°I know you know¡ªit¡¯s just weird,¡± Aiden insisted. ¡°Now both dad and mom are under arrested. That¡¯s pretty weird.¡± ¡°Not really that weird,¡± Nicholas shrugged. ¡°Remember? Dad said he¡¯s got arrested before.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Joshua said. ¡°It¡¯s not even a big deal.¡± ¡°It is so a big deal!¡± ¡°Is not.¡± ¡°But, arrested means you¡¯re in trouble.¡± ¡°Arrested doesn¡¯t mean guilty though, it¡¯s not actually a big deal.¡± ¡°I mean they probably are guilty, though.¡± ¡°Are not!¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªwhose side are you on?!¡± ¡°No but like, that¡¯s not the point,¡± Aiden said. ¡°Both of our parents are under arrested¡ªso, what do we do if grandma gets arrested, next?¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t even make any sense. They¡¯re not under arrested, and they¡¯re not over arrested. They¡¯re just arrested like the normal amount.¡± ¡°If gramma gets arrested, we¡¯d probably have to go stay with Aunt Shannon and Uncle Alan.¡± ¡°Getting arrested at all isn¡¯t normal, though.¡± ¡°It is so. It¡¯s just like time-out but for grown-ups.¡± ¡°Yeah, and what would grandma get arrested for? Sewing too fast on the sewing machine? You¡¯re retarded.¡± ¡°Yeah, she didn¡¯t even do anything.¡± ¡°Well, mom didn¡¯t do anything either!¡± ¡°What if gramma like, sewed something illegal?¡± ¡°Like what?!¡± ¡°I dunno, illegal stuff.¡± ¡°You¡¯re all like a buncha li¡¯l kids,¡± Samuel sneered. ¡°Dad¡¯s in jail for stealing computers, and mom¡¯s in jail for drugs. Being in jail isn¡¯t even a big deal though, that¡¯s just where they put you after you get arrested. Everyone goes to jail sometimes, it¡¯s normal¡ªlike in Monopoly, when you just happen to land on the wrong space.¡± ¡°What?¡± Joshua appeared baffled. ¡°I thought only criminals got arrested. Like¡ªbad guys.¡± ¡°That¡¯s prison, not jail. They¡¯re completely different things, stupid.¡± Samuel pointed out. ¡°How do you think they decide who¡¯s a bad guy and who¡¯s actually innocent? You have to have your trial with the grand jury and the judge¡ªthe guy with the wig and everything. If you win, you get free from jail and get to go home, if you lose you get sent to prison forever. That¡¯s where the bad guys and criminals go.¡± ¡°So,¡± Aiden worked it out in his head. ¡°Mom and dad aren¡¯t guilty, or criminals. Not yet, not ¡®til their trial.¡± ¡°Not yet,¡± Samuel shrugged. ¡°They prolly are guilty, though.¡± ¡°Are not!¡± ¡°Whose side are you on?!¡± ¡°No wait, but then how does Batman fight criminals? If they¡¯re not really criminals ¡®til the judge says they¡¯re guilty.¡± ¡°He catches them in the act, he doesn¡¯t even need a trial. He¡¯s Batman.¡± ¡°Wait¡ªisn¡¯t that illegal? They¡¯re s¡¯posed to still get a trial.¡± ¡°Batman¡¯s a cartoon, doofus, he¡¯s not even real.¡± ¡°Then dad is a criminal¡ª¡®cause, he got caught stealing computers.¡± ¡°Nuh-uh, that¡¯s not even like a real crime. Stealing computers is only even illegal if you get caught. Like mom said¡ªit¡¯s a ¡®victimless crime.¡¯¡± ¡°He did get caught, though, numb-nuts. Duh.¡± ¡°Yeah, but you know what I mean. It¡¯s not like a for real crime.¡± ¡°Okay¡ªbut, then mom¡¯s not a criminal.¡± ¡°She got caught with drugs. Drugs are way worse than computers.¡± ¡°Not if the computers are more expensive, nimrod. Duh. How long you get locked up for is based on how much money the stuff was worth. Computers are worth like hundreds of thousands of dollars.¡± ¡°They are not. There¡¯s like fifty computers in computer lab at school¡ªthat would add up to like a bajillion dollars.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Nicholas crossed his arms. ¡°Some computers are worth like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Just not like dinky school ones. The ones at school are lame.¡± ¡°Dad¡¯s court date isn¡¯t ¡®til January, and mom doesn¡¯t even have a date yet,¡± Samuel revealed. ¡°So, they¡¯re not even on trial, yet. I asked. They¡¯re just waiting in jail for like forever.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not even ¡®til next year!¡± ¡°January?! He got arrested like, years ago, though! How¡¯s that even possible?!¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t even years yet, turd brain. It was just back right before Halloween.¡± ¡°Still, that¡¯s forever. Why do they take so long?!¡± ¡°Well,¡± Samuel paused for a moment. ¡°Grownup stuff is all slow and stupid. Like, paperwork and mail and stuff. Plus there¡¯s like a long line, ¡®cause there¡¯s only one judge and grand jury, but tons of new people get arrested every day. For like, speeding tickets, shoplifting, telemarketing. Stuff like that.¡± ¡°That¡¯s dumb.¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s dumb.¡± ¡°You¡¯re dumb.¡± ¡°But think about who caught mom with drugs,¡± Samuel said. ¡°It was Tabitha.¡± His three younger brothers fell into silence for a long moment after that, exchanging looks with each other. ¡°Momma¡¯s innocent!¡± Aiden said. ¡°Tabitha was just all out to get her, ¡®cause she hates mom.¡± ¡°That¡¯s stupid,¡± Joshua scoffed. ¡°Retard.¡± ¡°Is not,¡± Aiden argued. ¡°You saw what happened¡ªshe got all hissy and whiny with mom at Thanksgiving, and then she took you and ran off. Crying like a big crybaby.¡± ¡°Shut up, Aiden,¡± Joshua bristled. ¡°Shut up. You don¡¯t even know what you¡¯re talking about.¡± ¡°You shut up,¡± Aiden huffed. ¡°Tabby just doesn¡¯t like mom, so she made up the whole drugs thing, just to try and get her in trouble. And, Tabitha¡¯s just a pisspants crybaby who just runs off and cries when she doesn¡¯t get her way¡ªmom even said so. You just didn¡¯t hear, ¡®cause you were in the back room hiding like a girl with Tabby.¡± ¡°Shut up, Aiden,¡± Joshua warned again. ¡°Tabitha wasn¡¯t crying because she lost an argument or ¡®cause she didn¡¯t get her way, moron. That¡¯s dumb. She was crying ¡¯cause of us.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t even make sense,¡± Aiden shot back, looking to his brothers for support. ¡°Guys¡ªtell him.¡± ¡°I¡­ dunno,¡± Nicholas admitted, shifting his feet and looking uncomfortable. ¡°I think,¡± Samuel said after a moment of deliberation, ¡°that Josh is right. So what if she cried, she¡¯s a girl! Girls are supposed to cry in the first place. Like Josh said, Tabby only even cried and got mad at our mom in the first place because of us. Think about it. What did Tabitha yell at mom that night? She was real mad about mom not even ever being around anymore.¡± ¡°She said you walked out on them,¡± Joshua remembered. ¡°That¡¯s what Tabby said.¡± ¡°Mom did kinda walk out on us,¡± Nicholas agreed. ¡°She was gone like ever since dad got arrested.¡± ¡°But, mom came back,¡± Aiden argued. ¡°She¡¯s back, so¡ªso that doesn¡¯t even count anymore.¡± ¡°Yeah, but, so what if she even did come back?¡± Samuel shrugged. ¡°Mom doesn¡¯t even care about us anyways. That¡¯s why Tabby got all mad, duh.¡± ¡°That¡¯s why she was crying, like I said!¡± Joshua insisted. ¡°That¡¯s why she was so upset. She wasn¡¯t scared.¡± ¡°Mom does so care about us¡ªduh, she said so, and she¡¯s our mom,¡± Aiden insisted. ¡°She¡¯s our mom.¡± ¡°Not really?¡± Nicholas shook his head. ¡°Grandma¡¯s the one who takes care of us.¡± ¡°Grandma and Tabby, yeah,¡± Samuel said. ¡°All mom ever does is boss us around and yell at us all the time.¡± ¡°Nuhuh,¡± Aiden crossed his arms. ¡°That¡¯s not even true. Not all the time.¡± ¡°Still counts. It¡¯s most of the time. Plus, she hits us whenever she gets mad, so¡ª¡± ¡°Nuhuh. Besides, Tabitha hit you way worse than mom ever hit any of us,¡± Aiden continued. ¡°She left you that super gnarly bruise back during summer. Remember? So, it doesn¡¯t even make sense if she gets mad at mom for hitting us not even anywhere near that hard.¡± ¡°It¡¯s different,¡± Sam said. ¡°Is not!¡± ¡°It¡¯s different!¡± ¡°It¡¯s the same,¡± Aiden scowled. ¡°You¡¯re all just soooo in love with Tabitha.¡± ¡°We are not,¡± Joshua refuted. ¡°Stupid.¡± ¡°Are so,¡± Aiden snorted. ¡°Are so are so are sooo!¡± This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. ¡°Aiden¡ªlike you can even talk, you¡¯re just being a sissy momma¡¯s boy,¡± Nicholas scowled. ¡°Every time that¡ª¡± ¡°Joshua and Tabitha, sittin¡¯ in a tree¡ªK-I-S-S-I-N-G¡ª¡± ¡°Momma¡¯s boy.¡± ¡°Nick, Aiden, shut up,¡± Samuel stood up. ¡°You don¡¯t talk bad about Tabitha. We don¡¯t talk bad about her¡ªyou¡¯re fixin¡¯ to make all of us mad. When I got hit by Tabitha, it was completely different, ¡®cause I dared her to. I was makin¡¯ fun of girls, and I slapped her butt and said she wouldn¡¯t do anything about it. Even when she hit me, she said she was wrong and apologized anyways when we saw her next. You think mom would ever friggin¡¯ do that? Besides, you know Tabitha¡¯s not like lame and prissy like normal girls we make fun of. We¡¯ve played on the playground with Tabitha like, how many times? She¡¯s different.¡± ¡°Mom doesn¡¯t have to apologize if she hits us,¡± Aiden argued. ¡°She¡¯s our mom.¡± ¡°Tabitha did all that crazy exercise stuff and completely changed from the way she looked before just for high school,¡± Joshua recounted. ¡°She can beat all of us at tag super easy. She¡¯s faster and better at us in back flips, and jump kicks, and like¡ªeverything.¡± ¡°Yeah, only ¡®cause she¡¯s way older than us,¡± Aiden scoffed. ¡°She¡¯s already a teenager, o¡¯course she¡¯s always gonna win. That¡¯s already halfway to being a grown up. But, when she was actually up against other people her own age¡ªshe got her wrist broken.¡± ¡°Yeah, only ¡®cause they pushed her from behind without even saying anything,¡± Joshua¡¯s voice rose. ¡°That¡¯s totally cheating! Besides, all that stuff that went on is completely different. Some other girl went actually crazy and tried to kill her.¡± ¡°Tabitha took us trick-or-treating, too,¡± Nicholas pointed out. ¡°We got like, the biggest most humongous pile of candy ever from that. When she coulda just gone with her friends without us, and then it would¡¯ve been like last year, where grandma only takes us down like three or four streets and then gets all tired and wants to say that was good enough.¡± ¡°Mom used to take us trick-or-treating too,¡± Aiden said. ¡°Not a big deal.¡± ¡°Yeah, used to,¡± Joshua said. ¡°Meaning she hasn¡¯t in forever.¡± ¡°Well, then,¡± Aiden threw up his hands. ¡°It¡¯s the exact same with Tabitha, then. She used to take us to the playground all the time, but now she hasn¡¯t played with us in forever.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not even the same at all,¡± Samuel shook his head. ¡°Mom¡¯s supposed to be with us¡ªshe¡¯s our mom. Tabitha¡¯s just our cousin. She doesn¡¯t have to spend time with us, you remember Grandma kept saying she didn¡¯t have to look after us all the time. But, she did. She came and played with us, and the only time she didn¡¯t, it was ¡®cause she was in the hospital, you numbnuts. From when she almost died.¡±
¡°I could just be overreacting,¡± Elena frowned, looking down at her crossed arms. ¡°I don¡¯t know anything for sure.¡± ¡°Better safe than sorry,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh said, keeping her eyes on the road. Elena¡¯s mother was tense; she was sitting stiff in the driver¡¯s seat and both hands were rigid on the wheel rather than her more typical relaxed posture Elena was familiar with. The short stretch of state road between Springton and Fairfield offered little in the way of distraction¡ªthe sights to take in were bare pavement, an ugly median of dead grass and then wire fence and the passing stands of trees in the distance, the nearest trunks occasionally adorned with POSTED signs to indicate private property. ¡°I just,¡± Elena bit out. ¡°I know, hon,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh said. ¡°I just¡ªit makes me feel dirty, like I¡¯m,¡± Elena scowled, turning her gaze back out the window again. ¡°I don¡¯t know for sure, and it¡¯s from stuff she kinda told me in confidence, so¡ªso, it feels shitty going around behind her back like this.¡± ¡°I know, hon,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh repeated. ¡°Still the right thing to do, and I¡¯m proud of you. Better safe than sorry.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena agreed, but that didn¡¯t change the bitter taste this had in her mouth. The production plant was situated outside Fairfield proper, and after making a turnoff at a desolate intersection sporting a single seedy gas station and then traveling down a long stretch of semi-rural back road, the Seelbaugh¡¯s silvery minivan arrived at its destination. The sign in front spelled out LINE SAFETY, and featured a silhouette of a lineworker working on a utility pole. The parking lot was mostly filled with employee vehicles, and though each of the actual buildings were large, they were simple boxy cinderblock affairs with aluminum roofs. I pictured something more IMPRESSIVE when mom said it was a ¡®production plant.¡¯ Lots of pipes and silos and electrical transformers and stuff, like you see in movies and on TV. I guess what they do here is some other, more boring kind of production? Mrs. Seelbaugh pulled into an empty space, turned off the ignition, and then the mother and daughter pair unbuckled their seatbelts and popped open their doors in strained silence. The entire situation had Elena feeling more and more uncomfortable, and she lagged somewhat behind her mother as they made their way towards the doors of the nearest building. ¡°Hey,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh put on a weak smile. ¡°It¡¯s gonna be okay, alright? Just tell her what you told me, and we¡¯ll get everything figured out, alright?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena frowned again. ¡°If you¡¯re wrong, then that would be for the best, but if you¡¯re right¡ªif you¡¯re right, it¡¯s better that we find out about it and do what we can. Better safe than sorry.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± The glass double doors opened into what looked to be an employee break area, featuring a pair of long couches facing a television, a spread of a dozen round tables with simple chairs, and a large kitchen that took up the far wall. Two sinks, four microwaves, a refrigerator with a few photos, and at least six printed out sheets of what might have been rules, warnings, or notices tacked to its door with magnets. A small office with a pair of computer desks and an enormous photocopier and printer took up the corner opposite the kitchen area, and a man with graying hair rose to greet them. ¡°Hey there, how can I help you?¡± ¡°Michelle and Elena Seelbaugh, we¡¯re here to see Sandra Macintire?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh explained. ¡°I was told I could find her here at plant two.¡± ¡°Sandy? Right, she¡¯s out on the production floor¡ªfeel free to take a seat anywhere, she should be out in just a minute.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh glanced around and finally chose one of the tables. ¡°Elena honey, here.¡± When the man ducked out through the door that led into the production floor, Elena could only say that their soundproofing was damned impressive, because the moment that door opened, a cacophony of hammering, heavy machine thumping, mechanical clacks sounding off in staccato, the hiss of hydraulics, and the ominous steady roar of industrial fans the Seelbaughs could hear was overwhelming. ¡°Jesus,¡± Elena remarked. ¡°I know!¡± Her mother looked just as surprised. ¡°That man¡ªwas he wearing earplugs? They must have to wear earplugs to work back there. It can¡¯t be safe otherwise.¡± ¡°Probably?¡± Elena shrugged, having not paid the man much attention. They settled in at a table to wait, the seats the same stiff metal-and-cushion stackable kind of chair their church used for their big community room. When the back door was closed, the unearthly din from the production floor couldn¡¯t be heard at all, but whatever the mechanical thumping had been, they could still feel its vibrations through the tile floor of the break area. Elena tried to stop hunching her shoulders and forced herself to stop crossing her arms¡ªshe needed to compose herself and make sure she was able to properly explain what was going on. Both Seelbaughs looked up as the door opened again and the noise engulfed them again for a moment, Sandra Macintire quickly turning to close the plant door behind her. ¡°Sorry about that. It¡¯s so loud!¡± Mrs. Macintire gave them an apologetic smile as she strode towards them that didn¡¯t quite mask her look of concern. ¡°It¡¯s nice to see you, Miss Elena¡ªis everything okay? You must be Mrs. Seelbaugh.¡± ¡°Just Michelle¡¯s fine,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh rose from the chair to shake the woman¡¯s hand. ¡°We just wanted to talk to you about something potentially concerning we heard from Tabitha.¡± ¡°From Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s eyebrows rose. ¡°What¡¯s happened?¡± ¡°Is it okay if we take some of your time?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh asked. ¡°This could take a bit, we don¡¯t want you to get in trouble with your bosses here, or anything. We could wait for your lunch break, or something?¡± ¡°Oh no, I¡¯m the biggest boss here today, just about,¡± Mrs. Macintire waved off her concerns. ¡°I work over in the office building, I¡¯m just helping out here at production today. Not doin¡¯ anything in there that can¡¯t wait.¡± ¡°Do you use earplugs in there? It¡¯s so noisy!¡± ¡°No, but I probably should,¡± Mrs. Macintire rolled her eyes. ¡°They say it¡¯s perfectly fine so long as you¡¯re not right next to the punch press, but I¡¯ve been standing at one of the rivet machines all day, and they¡¯re loud as all heck, too! You hear that big heavy thump? That¡¯s their big machine punching our die cuts into the big leather sheets. You can feel it all the way out in the parking lot, sometimes.¡± ¡°Yeah, we can feel it from here.¡± ¡°I¡¯d give you guys a big tour, but honestly we¡¯re only partway-staffed back there, and I wouldn¡¯t be able to tell you what half of the stations are actually for,¡± Mrs. Macintire winced. ¡°So¡ªwhat¡¯s going on? Something about Tabitha?¡± ¡°Elena, go ahead,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh prompted. ¡°Um,¡± Elena swallowed, cleared her throat, and then took a deep breath. ¡°Last weekend, when we were all at the mall, something Tabitha said jumped out to me as, uh, as potentially concerning.¡± Mrs. Macintire visibly tensed. ¡°She was¡­ well, it was a random part of a longer conversation about a bunch of other things, but she happened to mention a friend of hers she named ¡®Julie.¡¯ Part of the way she described things led me to think that Julie may or may not be real, like, Tabitha might have been trying to tell me¡­ that whether or not ¡®Julie¡¯ really exists is up to my interpretation. And. She said that this ¡®Julie¡¯ girl, at thirteen years old, was being molested by her father.¡± The Macintire woman¡¯s eyes narrowed and she stared down at the table for a long moment. The set of her jaw suggested she was gritting her teeth, and eventually she looked back up at Elena with wet eyes. ¡°I um, I wasn¡¯t sure if I should say anything, because it was something that Tabitha sort of was telling Alicia and I in confidence, and I hate feeling like I¡¯m betraying that confidence, just¡ªyou know. I also felt like. Like I couldn¡¯t risk not saying anything about it, just in case ¡®Julie¡¯ was Tabitha¡¯s code for Tabitha herself being¡­ yeah.¡± ¡°Fucking CHRIST,¡± Mrs. Macintire sagged, hiding her face in her hands. ¡°Better safe than sorry, honey,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh reached over to grab Elena¡¯s hand. ¡°I thought, we thought, that with the girl¡¯s¡­ present circumstances, you would be the one to go to about something like this.¡± ¡°Yes. I¡ª¡± Mrs. Macintire wiped her eyes and tried to straighten herself. ¡°Thank you. You¡¯re right. Is it alright if I ask you some more questions? Elena?¡± ¡°Of course, anything,¡± Elena felt a relief she didn¡¯t even know how to articulate. ¡°Okay, you¡¯re sure it was ¡®Julie,¡¯ and not ¡®Ashlee?¡¯¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°Because, she¡¯d had this other friend Ashlee who¡ª¡± ¡°Ashlee Taylor, I¡¯d heard about that, and no,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°She didn¡¯t name Ashlee, and I feel that she would have if she meant her, since I think she knew both Alicia and I were kind of aware of the whole Taylor family situation. People were saying that the Taylor girls were all being abused. But also, and this is part of what was setting off alarm bells for me¡ªthe ¡®Julie¡¯ she used wasn¡¯t consistent. Sometimes she said Julie, sometimes it was Julia. That¡¯s a big part of what made me think it was a um, a cover or a fabrication. I just. I don¡¯t know. All of it just all of the sudden made me very, very uncomfortable. Because it felt like pieces weren¡¯t adding up.¡± ¡°Okay. Okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire rubbed her temples. ¡°So, doesn¡¯t seem to be Ashlee. Maybe.¡± ¡°We went through the yearbook we have from Laurel Middle," Mrs. Seelbaugh explained. ¡°Since Elena and Tabitha, they both went to Laurel. We found no Julie. There were two Julias, but in both cases, either the grade doesn¡¯t match up, or the age wouldn¡¯t match up¡ªnot if Tabitha had said this girl was getting molested at thirteen.¡± ¡°And, because of the grades, I don¡¯t know that Tabitha would have known either of the Julias we found,¡± Elena added. ¡°Plus back in middle school, Tabitha was¡ªshe was very unpopular. Enough that she stood out for that, a little.¡± ¡°Very unpopular?¡± ¡°She was, um, she was very overweight and never talked to other kids at all,¡± Elena grimaced. ¡°So, she was¡­ made fun of a lot, excluded sort of.¡± ¡°She was a social pariah,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh summed up. ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s way different now,¡± Elena said. ¡°She¡¯s changed completely, so I know that it sounds hard to believe. But, back in middle school she was very different.¡± ¡°Sudden, drastic changes to her appearance. And behavior. Lots of domestic issues with her family. It¡¯s. I think it¡¯s certainly possible¡ªbut dear Lord fucking god damnit I hope it¡¯s not. Fuck. Fuck,¡± Mrs. Macintire hid a snarl in her hands again. ¡°Sorry. Okay. Okay¡ªwe¡¯ll, we¡¯ll get this all sorted out, no matter what it takes. Did she give you any other clues or hints, anything? Anything else she said, that might have stood out?¡± ¡°Nothing¡­ nothing that makes sense,¡± Elena said with some difficulty. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ hard to explain. A lot of that talk was personal stuff to Tabitha that I¡¯m not comfortable sharing. Stuff that didn¡¯t have to do with¡­ that kind of stuff. With the Julie thing, I wanted to demand immediate clarification because I was freaking out but, also¡ªalso it¡¯s a little weird. The circumstances, the conversation it was part of. ¡°Parts of everything she was saying were¡­ phrased as if she thought that no matter what, I wasn¡¯t going to believe her or take her seriously. I, I don¡¯t want to, to just argue with her or poke and prod into her painful traumatic issues, or¡ªor put her on the defensive, or make her feel like she needs to clam up and not say anything. I didn¡¯t know what to do, don¡¯t know what to do, so¡­ so I went to my mom about it.¡± ¡°You did the right thing, ¡®Lena honey,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh assured her. ¡°If Julie¡¯s real, we need to find her and get her safe, and if she¡¯s not real, then we need to take care of Tabitha¡¯s situation. Maybe the whole thing is made up! I don¡¯t want to judge, sometimes girls can just¡ªyou know, make things up. For whatever reason. But, we can¡¯t afford to take that chance. We really can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena let out a slow breath. ¡°Better safe than sorry.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be on the lookout for any signs,¡± Mrs. Macintire continued to fidget. ¡°I¡¯ve already been trying to keep an eye on her for trauma, just¡ªwell, she¡¯s just a very strange girl. I love her to pieces, but she can be very difficult to understand. I¡¯ll see about tracking down Julie or Julia with Mrs. Williams, she knows about doing that kind of thing. Elena hon, do you think you¡¯d be able to talk directly with Tabitha about any of it? Get her to open up a little more?¡± ¡°I¡­ maybe,¡± Elena hedged. ¡°Maybe. Alicia might be better for that. I don¡¯t want to push things the wrong way and have Tabitha start to close up about everything. I kinda worried that I was already doing that before she even brought up the whole Julie thing, so. I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded. ¡°Thank you for bringing this to my attention. From here on you just¡ªyou just keep on being a good friend to her, keep on being supportive however you can, for now. Keep your eyes open, pay attention. You¡¯re already doing great. I¡¯ll see about¡­ inobtrusively investigating whatever we can. If that ratshit crazy father of hers has ever laid a finger on her¡ªif anyone has¡­ I promise you, they will fucking pay.¡±
¡°Happy birthday!¡± Hannah cried out. ¡°Good morning Hannah,¡± Tabitha replied. Today was the big day, and Tabitha felt pretty confident. The tickle of anxiety at having to deal with a lot of people in a public situation where everyone was focused on her was there, but it was manageable. Presenting herself to everyone with any kind of personable face wasn¡¯t something she was capable of back during the start of high school, and after plenty of time ruminating over it, Tabitha decided to say that was what had gone wrong with her debut. Being thin and pretty really wasn¡¯t all it took¡ªappearance was a necessary facade, but behind that facade a teenage girl needed social musculature to back it all up, built atop a skeleton of core confidence. ¡°Happy birthday,¡± Hannah repeated. ¡°Yes, thank you,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°I¡¯m fourteen now. Time to start checking for gray hairs!¡± ¡°Hah, yeah right,¡± Hannah shook her head as she padded across the living room and jumped onto the couch. ¡°When do you get gray hairs? Like, at how old? Fifty? Seventy?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a little different for everybody,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°But! I do remember there¡¯s a mnemonic about gray hair. They say that fifty percent of the population has fifty percent gray hair at fifty years old.¡± The Macintire¡¯s remote control was jammed partway between two of the couch cushions, and Tabitha retrieved it and pointed it towards the entertainment center to turn on the large tube TV. There was no smartphone or bracelet PC that allowed her to glance at the weather, so the local Channel Seven news was her best bet. She was hoping for mid to high fifties today, because if temperatures were into the low forties, she would have to rethink her planned outfit. ¡°Fifty percent for fifty white hair¡­?¡± Hannah giggled. ¡°What. Is that real?¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°It means that around half of people have about half of their hair gray when they reach fifty years old.¡± ¡°Hmmm,¡± Hannah pursed her lips into a frown as she fell deep into thought. ¡°Some of the old ladies at church have gray hair. That¡¯s it, though. No one else really even has gray hair. Actually, some of them have white hair. Like the whole way white.¡± ¡°They do!¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I remember. As for myself, I¡¯ll start seeing gray in my hair when I¡¯m fifty-two or fifty-three. The gray will creep the rest of the way in almost before I even notice it, and I¡¯ll be all gray by fifty-seven! It¡¯ll all go gray really quick, almost all at once!¡± ¡°Yeah, right,¡± Hannah shook her head in disbelief. ¡°How do you know? From your grandma?¡± ¡°Hmmm,¡± Tabitha hummed out without answering. ¡°Why don¡¯t you come sit at the table, so that we can get you your cereal?¡± ¡°Can we have french toast?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I can make you french toast.¡± ¡°Wait, I forgot,¡± Hannah smacked her own forehead. ¡°It¡¯s your birthday. You don¡¯t have to make food on your birthday!¡± ¡°How about¡­ we make breakfast together,¡± Tabitha proposed. ¡°Do you remember all the ingredients we use for our french toast?¡± ¡°No, no¡ªyou sit at the table, I¡¯ll make french toast,¡± Hannah insisted, hurrying across the living room towards the hallway for her room. ¡°Sit, sit!¡± ¡°Hannah, if you¡¯re looking for your little cooking apron, I think it¡¯s already dirty,¡± Tabitha reminded her as she went the other way, stepping into the kitchen. She turned on the stove and withdrew the Macintire¡¯s griddle plate from their lower cabinet. ¡°You remember? We made the big lasagna together?¡± ¡°Oh yeah,¡± Hannah paused. ¡°Can I still wear it?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s have you wear your dad¡¯s apron,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°He won¡¯t need it for grilling for another few months, yet.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Do I have to go ask for permission?¡± ¡°I think this time it¡¯s okay, and I can allow it,¡± Tabitha beamed at Hannah. ¡°But, I¡¯m very proud of you for thinking to ask that. Good job, Hannah banana.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± The apron was retrieved from its normal spot on the coat hooks near the door to the garage, and then draped over Hannah¡¯s diminutive figure like a sail cloth. The thing was almost wide enough to wrap around the little girl twice, and it hung down across the floor, so a moment was necessary to fold the excess and then tie it all secure with the apron strings looping around Hannah¡¯s front in a large bow. The usual kitchen stool was put in place in front of the kitchen sink so that Hannah could wash her hands before cooking, and though there had never been any mishaps, Tabitha hovered nearby to ensure that Hannah didn¡¯t have a fall. ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah dramatically dried her hands on the hand towel and then fwapped it back to where it hung from a kitchen drawer handle. ¡°Now, you go sit. I¡¯ll cook!¡± ¡°Hmm. Can I help a little?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­ it¡¯s your birthday.¡± ¡°Are you okay cracking the eggs by yourself?¡± ¡°Uhhhh¡ª¡± Hannah wavered. ¡°You can help with those.¡± ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll do that.¡± ¡°But, I get to do everything else!¡± There had been some difficulties with teaching Hannah to crack open eggs, because she didn¡¯t want any uncooked icky inside goop touching her little fingers. Her first try had been almost a full minute of Hannah gently tapping an egg against the lip of a bowl with a nervous smile, as if she needed to slowly chip away all the eggshell bits. When instructed that she needed to use much more force for her second try¡ªHannah directly smashed the egg against the side of a mixing bowl, yelped at the splattered mess, and jumped back in fright, flinging runny egg all across the kitchen tile. With a small smile, Tabitha retrieved the other ingredients they needed from the cabinet. Each of them had created important morning lessons in the past week. Nothing was more useful for teaching a seven year old that more of a good thing isn¡¯t always better, than vanilla extract. Likewise, cinnamon taught Hannah its bitter truths about being careful and restrained when measuring out for a dish, and now the little girl adhered to Tabitha¡¯s whispered recipes with deadly seriousness. ¡°Four eggs?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°What? No way! Just one,¡± Hannah pursed her lips into a pout. ¡°We don¡¯t eat that much.¡± There was still a childish sort of glee in Hannah when they didn¡¯t make enough breakfast for the whole family, as though there was some sort of one-ups-manship to be proud of in being able to enjoy something mom and dad didn¡¯t get and might be jealous of. It wasn¡¯t a behavior Tabitha particularly wanted to encourage in the girl, and it made her incredibly exasperated to see Mr. and Mrs. Macintire always obviously playing along with it, pretending to be huffy and upset. ¡°But¡­¡± Tabitha tried on the new pleading look she was learning from the grandmaster at puppy dog eyes, Hannah herself. ¡°But, it¡¯s my birthday. I want all of us to share a big breakfast, like a family. For my birthday.¡± ¡°Ugh, fiiine,¡± Hannah complained. ¡°Only ¡®cause it¡¯s your birthday!¡± ¡°Which means¡­¡± ¡°Math,¡± Hannah groaned in disgust, as if using four of each measurement instead of one was an enormous hassle that would require pencil and paper to puzzle out. For all that the little girl was incredibly receptive to reading and learning words, Hannah had little patience for the dreaded math, and Tabitha¡¯s attempts at making the subject interesting thus far had run headlong into a wall of total disinterest. That was okay¡ªTabitha had expected there to be challenges in playing her role as a live-in nanny, and¡­ here they were. Because of how spoiled she was, Hannah just didn¡¯t even have a strong grasp of the importance of money or costs. Counting out the coins from her piggy bank didn¡¯t hold the girl¡¯s attention. Numbers were mostly meaningless towards Hannah¡¯s mental map of the world, where she held power of persuasion over her parents¡ªand parents were the arbiters of reality, as far as Hannah was concerned. I don¡¯t know if I should be envious or appalled. French toast wasn¡¯t quite the ordeal pancakes had been, and since they¡¯d done this together twice before already, Hannah didn¡¯t need too many small reminders. Tabitha was able to relax and observe, splitting her attention between the stove area and the TV until a weather segment finally played. The high today would be forty-five degrees fahrenheit, with a low of twenty-nine degrees. It wasn¡¯t what she¡¯d hoped for, but neither was it as bad as it could have been. She could still wear her modified white wedding blouse¡ªwhat Hannah called the angel outfit, if she had her hoodie overtop in the brief stints outdoors today. It would be very brisk, but not too bad. ¡°Is this good?¡± Hannah offered Tabitha the bowl to inspect. ¡°It looks great, good job mixing Hannah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Do you want help with the¡ª¡± ¡°No, I got it!¡± Hannah insisted. ¡°You can sit and watch TV.¡± ¡°I want to help.¡± ¡°It¡¯s your birthday.¡± ¡°Then¡ªI want to watch. Seeing it come together, smelling it cook will help whet my appetite.¡± ¡°It¡¯s breakfast,¡± Hannah reasoned. ¡°Everyone has a wet appetite for breakfast, ¡®cause it¡¯s been hours since they ate.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha broke into another smile. ¡°Hmmm,¡± Hannah retorted. ¡°Hmmmm!¡± Tabitha rubbed Hannah¡¯s back as the girl dipped the first slice of bread through the mixture in the bowl. Tabitha was in love with the Macintire family. Though she was sure part of it was just this idyllic honeymoon phase, as Hannah hadn¡¯t even thrown a major tantrum during Tabitha¡¯s time here with them, the fact remained; Tabitha was deeply in love with the Macintire family. It was a kind of love she¡¯d ever imagined experiencing, having family without all of the baggage attached to that concept, that inescapable love hate relationship she couldn¡¯t escape before. Tabitha¡¯s role as an outsider with the Moores because of her incredible changes in body, mind, and attitude was perfectly suited to her identity as a nanny here. The Macintires had never seen her as Tubby Tabby. Tabitha wasn¡¯t Tubby Tabby anymore, she was someone completely new that she¡¯d never been before, and here with this new family she felt a sense of belonging that was absolutely intoxicating. ¡°You know what I like?¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°What?¡± ¡°I like that we make such a good team,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I can help you with what little I can¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah, right. You do everything¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªAnd then for what I can¡¯t do¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªPractically everything. Laundry, dishes, cooking¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªI can ask for your help, without feeling embarrassed or ashamed or anything.¡± ¡°Your hand¡¯s in a cast!¡± Hannah shrugged. ¡°What are you supposed to do?¡± ¡°I know. But still,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Cooking, and dishes? With one hand, it¡¯s such an enormous struggle, but with three hands? Especially for dishes! It¡¯s all a piece of cake, and all because we¡¯re such a good team.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t even hardly do anything.¡± ¡°You help me cook,¡± Tabitha rubbed Hannah¡¯s back again. ¡°You help me lift big heavy things and carry them. You tie my shoelaces for me! That¡¯s a big deal. You help me brush out my hair and look pretty. Do you remember how long it took me to fold laundry by myself those first few times? I was almost about to cry, and since then you¡¯ve helped me every single time. Even though I¡¯m supposed to be the nanny here, and take care of things. It just¡ªit means a lot to me.¡± ¡°Mom said you¡¯re not even s¡¯posed to do laundry,¡± Hannah giggled, tilting her head up so she could grin at Tabitha. ¡°Or a bunch of other stuff, like cooking even.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Tabitha admitted with a wistful smile. ¡°But, together you and I make these amazing big breakfasts, and we just keep proving her wrong!¡± ¡°I heard that,¡± Mrs. Macintire yelled over from the master bedroom¡ªapparently the rest of the house was quiet enough for their voices to carry. ¡°What do you think you¡¯re teaching my daughter, huh?!¡± ¡°Mom¡ªit¡¯s her birthday!¡± Hannah called back in retort. There was a moment of silence, and then Officer Macintire responded instead of Sandra. ¡°Happy birthday, Tabitha!¡± ¡°Thank you, sir!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t call me sir, I work for a living!¡± While Tabitha had grown very close with Mrs. Macintire and Hannah, she didn¡¯t have much in the way of interaction with Officer Macintire and was happy to at least now have a few inside jokes she could lean on. As a father figure Tabitha found him strange, but with only her own dad for comparison she felt forced to accept that Darren Macintire must be the real normal, while her dad was this stubborn trailer park simpleton. ¡°Happy birthday, honey!¡± Mrs. Macintire yelled. ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha called back across the house. ¡°Get dressed and come on out, we¡¯re making french toast again!¡± ¡°Coffee?¡± ¡°Umm¡ª¡± Tabitha crossed the kitchen and flicked on the coffee maker on the opposite counter. ¡°Hannah baby, can you clean your hands and come help me with the coffee water?¡± ¡°Got it!¡± ¡°Sorry!¡± Tabitha yelled over. ¡°I wasn¡¯t thinking! Another five minutes?¡± ¡°It¡¯s her birthday!¡± Hannah hollered in consternation. ¡°Sheesh.¡± ¡°Happy birthday, Tabitha!¡± Officer Macintire yelled again. ¡°Sheesh!¡± Tabitha agreed. ¡°Sheesh!¡± 45, Lets all go to the movies. Tabitha¡¯s birthday celebrations began at noon, with everyone meeting up at Sandboro theaters. The cinema complex was a sprawling fifteen-theater establishment sitting just across the four lanes of road from the Sandboro mall, and between these two locations they made this area the bustling place to be on a Saturday for their entire local area, Fairfield and Springton included. As someone who¡¯d lived nearby for an entire previous life, it was honestly the only theater Tabitha was even passingly familiar with, but as always it was interesting to see the contrasts in layout and decor between then and now. She remembered being here last to see the Worm movies, which released across the late two thousand twenties and early thirties. The entrance area walls had all been glass and the lobby area had been large open space designed to inspire a sense of grandeur in those visiting, with concessions relegated to kiosks along the far wall. Tabitha remembered her movie check-in had simply been her bracelet PC lighting up when she passed through the foyer, requesting payment confirmation for a viewing. It already knew what she was intending to see, based on her time of arrival and more importantly¡ªthe comprehensive profile of her that all the various databases had constructed based on her search interests and spending history. I¡¯ll always remember how I wanted to find that concerning, Tabitha quirked her lip at the memory. But, as always, the sheer CONVENIENCE of all that omnipresent tracking just made those worries so easy to shrug off. In the here and now, she was discovering a Sandboro Theaters before what must have been several major renovations. Rather than floor to ceiling glass the entrance here was stymied in the center by a row of ticketbooth cubicles so that purchasing actual tickets was done standing outside the building¡ªit was a quaint and antiquated setup, with double-doors for entering the theater flanking the booths on both sides. The lobby was lined with movie posters for coming attractions, and somehow or other an enormous cardboard Godzilla display showing a giant reptilian foot crunching down through a city was still here. Here in the present of the late nineties, the concession stands were an enormous island right in the center of the lobby, with the sales counter and displays forming a long U-curvature reminiscent of something from a sports bar. Actual video displays suspended above the concessions area featured smiling, excited movie-goers, popcorn pieces flung in slow motion across a starry void, and gratuitous money-shots of Pepsi products being poured into glasses of ice. It surprised Tabitha to see video displays this far back in time, but she knew the phenomenon would soon spread to fast food chains and other retail over the early two-thousands. I need to give the boys back their Godzilla toy! Tabitha remembered. That was probably the last movie they all saw on the big screen, Grandma Laurie must have brought them here this past summer. The next few years have SO MANY big blockbuster trilogies I want to take them to! Star Wars, Lord of the Rings. THE MATRIX¡ªwow, Alicia and Elena will probably love those ones. Spiderman, X-men, The Mummy. Pirates of the Caribbean. Sooo many trilogies¡ªlast time through, the only ones I actually saw in theater were the Lord of the Rings ones, the rest I all either saw on TV, or went through on Netflix binges. Sure, I¡¯ve seen most all of these already, and that¡¯s a downside to time travel. I was never a film buff really, I was always more into reading, but still¡ªI do enjoy seeing things. But, I want to change watching movies this time into BIG EXPERIENCES I have with my friends. We can dress up for them and have fun. Maybe by the early two-thousands I¡¯ll have dates here! Cordons directing customer traffic were set up here and there using portable stanchion posts and velvet rope, Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer was playing in the lobby, various loops of demo music and video game sound effects were audible from the arcade area set up just east of the lobby, and at noon on a weekend the whole place was already bustling with people. Tabitha was excited. She stood with Hannah and Mrs. Macintire just up by the front windows, so she could spot everyone as they arrived. Each time they did, a surge of happiness made her almost want to jump up and down on the spot. She told herself it was silly to get so worked up about it¡ªobviously most everyone she invited was likely to show up. When they actually appeared though, Tabitha felt incredibly moved somehow all the same. Although it was ostensibly Tabitha¡¯s plan for her birthday, the actual itinerary for their group was improved upon by Mrs. Williams, who had almost a decade of experience arranging the trips for Springton Methodist Church¡¯s youth group. Only half of those invited to the party knew Tabitha well personally¡ªAlicia, Elena, the four cousins, and Hannah. Matthew and Casey could barely even count as acquaintances, and Olivia, Michael, Clarissa, and Bobby she scarcely knew at all. Ashlee was a wild card in that she was on close terms with a very different Tabitha, and Tabitha felt a little bit helpless as to how she was going to reconcile that. It felt strange to invite people who weren¡¯t close friends to a birthday party, and Tabitha was more than a little apprehensive as to how some of her ambitions would play out. Everyone seeing a movie together gives us a shared experience to talk with one another about this evening, Tabitha had decided. To help prevent things turning weird and awkward for half the party that actually don¡¯t know me as well. According to current rumor from Mrs. Williams, Michael and Olivia had recently broken up, but against expectations the pair arrived together holding hands. Michael had short dark hair gelled up into little spikes, and Olivia had dark hair in a ponytail and a fairly severe case of resting bitchface¡ªTabitha found herself caught off guard each time Olivia spoke, because the girl seemed to be genuinely friendly and personable, despite how incredibly pissed off looking she appeared. Tabitha thought both of them were vaguely familiar from the Halloween party, but re-introduced herself to them anyways, and thanked Michael for his timely tackle. After all, if he hadn¡¯t thrown himself into the fray back then, Erica could¡¯ve gotten a few more swings in. The odds of Tabitha surviving any more of those would have been¡­ slim, and she didn¡¯t like to think about those what-ifs. ¡°So, again¡ªthank you,¡± Tabitha bowed her head. ¡°And thank you for coming! I was worried you wouldn¡¯t. I¡¯d¡­ heard you two broke up?¡± ¡°We broke up,¡± Olivia confirmed. ¡°My dad made us break up, so¡­ we are officially no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. As far as anyone knows that I am aware, Michael and I were invited separately, and I couldn¡¯t have known he was going to be here. Because now we¡¯re just friends. Friends who¡¯ll sit next to each other, and share popcorn, and maybe make out during the movie.¡± ¡°Olivia!¡± Casey put on her best affronted look of shock and outrage. ¡°How. Scandalous.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Mrs. Macintire rolled her eyes. ¡°So, what¡¯d you two get caught doing, that your dad made you break up?¡± ¡°We were¡ª¡± Michael began. ¡°Nothing,¡± Olivia said, shooting a glare at Michael. ¡°Oh, uh, yeah. Nothing,¡± Michael agreed, nodding quickly. ¡°We weren¡¯t doing anything. Actually, we¡¯re basically just friends!¡± ¡°Platonic friends!¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Yeah, definitely. Cool.¡± ¡°There¡¯s nothing between us,¡± Olivia announced with a confident smile, taking Michael¡¯s hand in hers. ¡°Well, make sure you two sit way back behind me so I don¡¯t see you two doing nothing,¡± Mrs. Macintire told them. ¡°And keep it PG-13! Matthew, Casey¡ªyou two have Hannah, so she¡¯s gonna chaperone, make sure you guys aren¡¯t doing any smooching.¡± ¡°Psst, Hannah,¡± Casey whispered loudly. ¡°Buy you a box of Skittles at the concession stand if you don¡¯t tattle on us. Deal?¡± ¡°Deal,¡± Hannah said, not even needing to consider it. ¡°La la la, I didn¡¯t hear that,¡± Mrs. Macintire mimed, covering her ears. ¡°Don¡¯t give her too much soda either, okay? S¡¯a long drive to Florence.¡± Across from them, Elena and Alicia were in one of the lines for the concession stand, scrutinizing Bobby and Clarissa who were waiting in the opposite line. Bobby had showed up in a sporty winter jacket while wearing a huge grin, while Clarissa looked flustered and visibly nervous in her oversized hoodie. The strawberry-blonde girl appeared to have gained fifteen pounds in the short time since Tabitha had last seen her, just some month and a half ago. Seeing the rapid weight gain made her heart ache¡ªClarissa had been one of the ¡®popular¡¯ freshman girls, but looked to have genuinely suffered after her former friends threw her under the bus to avoid taking blame for bullying Tabitha. Need to get some time alone with her so we can talk, Tabitha decided, drifting along after Michael and Olivia to join the other teens waiting to buy popcorn. I DID have all sorts of juvenile revenge fantasies when I first transmigrated or whatever back here to 1998. Wished the cool pretty girls would have to go through what I went through. But, then when I actually see it start to happen? It just makes me feel horrible. Wretched. Sick to my stomach, and like I need to DO something about it. Need to make sure she¡¯s okay. ¡°Uh¡­ sooo, sup?¡± Bobby asked. ¡°Yo,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Hey,¡± Elena simply gave an impassive shrug. ¡°Didn¡¯t think you¡¯d be here.¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m surprised she invited me,¡± Bobby admitted. ¡°Cool, though. Definitely didn¡¯t want to be at work today. Tabitha¡¯s cool?¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Alicia gave him a wary look. ¡°Cool,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°Hi, Clarissa.¡± ¡°Hi?¡± Clarissa squeaked out. ¡°Elena.¡± ¡°So like, which movie are we actually seeing?¡± Bobby asked, gesturing at the row of poster placards along the Sandboro theater¡¯s wall. ¡°Pleasantville!¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°It looks really interesting. Tobey Macguire! I loved Spiderman.¡± ¡°Spiderman¡­?¡± Alicia stifled a snort. ¡°Tabs¡­¡± ¡°Oh, right,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m talking about. Hah. Forget I said Spiderman, for a few years. Silly me?¡± ¡°Spiderman?¡± Bobby asked. ¡°Uhh, what about Spiderman?¡± Olivia looked lost. ¡°Spiderman¡ªthat¡¯s Andre Rison,¡± Michael explained. ¡°Ever since he went from the Green Bay Packers to the Kansas City Chiefs. You remember last year¡¯s superbowl? Opened up with that fifty-four yard touchdown pass? That was him. He goes by ¡®Spiderman¡¯ now.¡± ¡°Okay¡­?¡± Olivia turned her sharp look from her boyfriend to Tabitha and back again. ¡°But¡ªwhat does that have to do with the Pleasantville guy?¡± ¡°Tickets, tickets!¡± Mrs. Williams called. ¡°Everyone, I¡¯ve got your tickets. Ten for Pleasantville, eight for Mighty Joe Young. ¡°Whoa, there,¡± Officer Williams teased. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t it have been nine and nine? I wanted to see the big ol¡¯ gorilla movie.¡± ¡°Tough, buster, you¡¯re stuck with me,¡± Mrs. Williams elbowed him in the gut before holding out a handful of the tickets towards her son. ¡°Pleasantville¡¯s going to be artsy and sophisticated, just like us, only the plebians are watching the one with the big dumb ape. Matthew¡ªcan you please make sure everyone in your group has a ticket?¡± ¡°Wait, so I¡¯m not artsy and sophisticated?¡± Matthew pretended to balk as he turned to distribute his batch of tickets. ¡°Yeah¡ªwe¡¯re in the art club!¡± Casey put on a pout. ¡°Hannah, you tell her. We¡¯re the sophisticated group. Mighty Joe Young looks super cool, and Pleasantville looks boooring, right?¡± ¡°Sophisicated means boring,¡± Hannah decided. ¡°Basically.¡± ¡°Sophisticated,¡± Casey corrected, balling her hand into a fist and then shaking it in a threatening manner. ¡°Like this. Phist.¡± ¡°But, Tabitha¡¯s watching Pleasantville¡­¡± Hannah frowned, jumping over to latch onto Tabitha. ¡°And, I wanna sit with Tabby.¡± ¡°What?!¡± Casey blinked in surprise. ¡°But, you¡¯re sitting with me and Matthew! Pleasantville looks boooring!¡± ¡°Are we okay on time?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°I think those of us seeing Pleasantville can go on in soon,¡± Mrs. Macintire checked her wristwatch against the show times posted up above the concessions stand. ¡°The kiddos have another thirty minutes, almost. Mighty Joe Young starts a little later.¡± ¡°All planned for and taken care of!¡± Mrs. Williams assured them, taking three rolls of quarters out from her purse and waggling holding them up. ¡°This isn¡¯t my first rodeo¡ªgivin¡¯ these to your Grandma Laurie, and she can give them a bit of time at the little arcade here after we go in.¡± ¡°Oh!¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but feel impressed once again. ¡°Thank you. Really¡ªthank you.¡± ¡°No thanks necessary,¡± Mrs. Williams waved her off. ¡°It¡¯s your birthday.¡± ¡°Yessss!¡± Casey pumped her first in an exaggerated way for Hannah¡¯s amusement. ¡°Cruisin¡¯ USA, Area 51¡ªhere we come.¡± ¡°Please remember not to miss your movie again this time,¡± Mrs. Williams laughed. ¡°Still can¡¯t believe you kids.¡± ¡°We didn¡¯t miss it, we were just fashionably late!¡± Casey huffed. ¡°Yeah, we didn¡¯t miss the actual movie, we just decided we could miss the trailers,¡± Matthew defended himself. ¡°C¡¯mon, we were on a hot streak. I bet our high score¡¯s still up there.¡± Having disregarded her younger cousins while greeting everyone else who¡¯d shown up, Tabitha finally led Hannah across to the other side of the waiting group, where the four boys were locked in serious discussion beside an exasperated Grandma Laurie. ¡°But, if Batman was president, he¡¯d just make crime illegal,¡± Aiden reasoned. ¡°Superman wouldn¡¯t even do that.¡± ¡°He would so!¡± Joshua argued. ¡°Superman hates crime just as much as Batman. He fights like, a ton of criminals. Way more than lame Batman.¡± ¡°Yeah, he has lasers.¡± ¡°Batman fights a ton of criminals! It¡¯s all he ever even does.¡± ¡°If Batman fights a ton of criminals, then like, Superman fights one hundred tons of criminals. Batman can¡¯t even lift one hundred tons. He¡¯s super weak.¡± ¡°You¡¯re super weak.¡± ¡°Boys, boys,¡± Grandma Laurie interrupted. ¡°Please. It¡¯s been ten minutes and your argument hasn¡¯t moved a single inch.¡± ¡°Well, then tell Aiden that Superman would be president, not lame Batman,¡± Joshua snorted. ¡°There¡¯s no way Batman ever would. He doesn¡¯t even have real powers. Plus, Superman is way more popular than Batman¡ªhe would get way more votes!¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you boys ask Tabitha who she would vote for, hmm?¡± Grandma Laurie let out a small laugh. ¡°It¡¯s her birthday, so you all should let her decide this one. You boys promised you¡¯d be on your very best behavior. Remember?¡± ¡°Your cousins are all boys,¡± Hannah whispered up to Tabitha. ¡°I know,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°They really are, aren¡¯t they?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°That¡¯s okay, though,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It¡¯s not their fault.¡± ¡°I guess.¡± Hannah¡¯s first meeting with Tabitha¡¯s four cousins had been anticlimactic¡ªthey had been introduced to each other, they all stared across at each other for a few awkward seconds, and then resumed pretending each other didn¡¯t exist. They were all in Springton Elementary together, and Joshua and Hannah were even both in first grade, but they weren¡¯t in the same class, didn¡¯t recognize each other, and didn¡¯t seem inclined to get to know one another. Guess at some ages the rift between genders is just too big, Tabitha looked down at Hannah hiding up against her leg and then mussed the little girl¡¯s hair. I bet they¡¯d be fine with each other if they got to playing tag or something on the playground. Well, Hannah might only be into it if I am, so that might be a while, yet. ¡°Nuh-uh, no, it¡¯s way different, criminals killed Batman¡¯s parents,¡± Aiden said with conviction. ¡°Batman hates crime¡ªit¡¯s what made him become Batman. Superman would get kryptonite thrown at him and die like a wimp. ¡®No! Stop! Not the glowy green rock that doesn¡¯t even really do anything to anyone else! Errrrghh¡ªBLEGH.¡¯ ¡°Yeah so like one stupid thing is Superman¡¯s weakness, but Batman¡¯s weakness is bullets and explosions and getting punched too hard into the sun and a billion other things¡ªall kinds of stuff that wouldn¡¯t even make Superman blink,¡± Sam rolled his eyes. ¡°Plus even if Batman was president, Superman could just like, challenge him for the title belt and take it. You can do that, just usually no one hardly ever does, ¡®cause grown-ups are dumb.¡± ¡°Okay, okay, boys,¡± Tabitha finally decided to intervene, seeing that the boys were unwilling to approach while Hannah was stubbornly guarding Tabitha¡¯s personal space. ¡°Now, who do you think would be president?¡± ¡°Superman.¡± ¡°It¡¯d be Superman.¡± ¡°Batman.¡± ¡°Superman¡¯s the strongest.¡± ¡°I¡¯m afraid in this case¡­ Bruce Wayne would become president,¡± Tabitha revealed with a small smile. ¡°What?!¡± ¡°No way! No way.¡± ¡°Yesssss! In your face!¡± ¡°What? Why?!¡± ¡°Well, boys¡ªClark Kent isn¡¯t a native-born United States citizen,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°He was born on Krypton. It¡¯s a requirement to hold office that our president must be born here in the US.¡± Hannah seemed irritated that the cousins were interacting with her Tabitha, but also thrilled that Tabitha had a clever response that none of them had thought of¡ªthe dark-haired seven-year-old radiated so much smugness that it was as if Tabitha had just dunked on the boys. I really do need to think of a solution to the whole BOYS ARE ALL DUMB she seems to have and the GIRLS ARE ALL STUPID that they¡¯ll pick up in reaction to that. Just. Not today¡ªc¡¯mon, today¡¯s my birthday. ¡°Ohhhhh.¡± ¡°What? That¡¯s stupid.¡± ¡°It is not! What, do you¡ª¡± ¡°But, wait¡ª¡± Samuel shook his head. ¡°From when they made Kalel¡¯s secret identity in the first place or whatever, his stuff would¡¯ve all said he was born in Kansas. So, it¡¯d still count, ¡®cause everyone thinks he was born here.¡± ¡°No, because Superman would know the truth,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°He¡¯s a total boy scout, and that rule would matter to him. And, even more importantly, Bruce Wayne¡¯s superpower would be a lot better for getting him into office.¡± ¡°What? Batman doesn¡¯t even have a superpower,¡± Joshua frowned. ¡°He¡¯s rich!¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Clark Kent is some nobody journalist from a little midwestern town. Bruce Wayne is this super wealthy industrialist with all kinds of connections to the elite and upper crust of society. Which do you think has a better chance of having their huge multi-billion dollar campaign and lobbying to get the most votes?¡± ¡°Yeah exactly,¡± Hannah nodded her little head, turning a withering whatever Tabitha just said is right, SO THERE look of disdain towards the boys. ¡°Uhh¡­¡± ¡°I mean yeah I guess.¡± ¡°I still wouldn¡¯t vote for Batman.¡± ¡°She¡¯s kinda got a point, though. I mean, it¡¯s money.¡± Hannah had been so obedient and charming for Tabitha in the past few weeks that it was painful being reminded that Hannah was also actually a total brat sometimes. While Tabitha had felt sure that she was making a big impression on Hannah and was encouraging major improvement in her behavior¡ªseeing Hannah with the boys made her wonder if perhaps she was overly optimistic. Something to work on. Tabitha glanced out again at the various antiquated-seeming vehicles as they pulled into the theater¡¯s parking lot and disgorged passengers with trepidation, but Ashlee Taylor never appeared. Makes me sad, but. Probably for the best?
¡°Matthew, Robert, get over here for a second,¡± Officer Williams called. ¡°Gotta talk to you boys. You all¡ªTabitha¡¯s cousins¡ªwhichever one of you¡¯s the oldest, you come on over, too.¡± ¡°It¡¯s Bobby,¡± Bobby let out a long-suffering sigh. ¡°Not right now, it isn¡¯t,¡± Officer Williams clapped him on the shoulder as one of the cousins approached. ¡°Alright, now¡ªwhich one are you?¡± ¡°Sam,¡± Samuel stated, looking nervous to have been singled out from his brothers. ¡°Alright now, huddle up here with me boys,¡± Officer Williams instructed. ¡°You all know what happened at that Halloween party, how Tabitha got attacked outta nowhere? Well, that just ain¡¯t gonna happen again, and we¡¯re all gonna make sure nothing catches us unawares. Now, Tabby isn¡¯t gonna want me hovering over her this entire time without making her whole birthday feel like it¡¯s in a police state, so instead I want at least one of you boys nearby her, all the time. ¡°I mean it¡ªboth here at the movies and this evening when we¡¯re in Florence, if one of you has to go to the bathroom, you signal or make eye contact or somethin¡¯ with somebody here, make sure they know to step in and keep an eye out in your place. If the girls¡¯re talkin¡¯ and anything seems like it¡¯s gettin¡¯ heated at all, raised voices or anything¡ªput yourself physically between them, lead the other girl away, say you need to tell ¡®em something or have somethin¡¯ to say in private, I don¡¯t care what. There¡¯s any problems, you separate them off away from Tabitha.¡± ¡°Do you think something¡¯s going to happen?¡± Matthew glanced back at the others with a wary look. ¡°No, I don¡¯t¡ªbut we didn¡¯t expect anything would happen back at the other party, either,¡± Officer Williams said. ¡°So, we¡¯re taking no chances, here. Anything at all happens, there¡¯s three of you boys. One of you stands himself between any problems and Tabitha, one of you discreetly asks whatever and whoever you think¡¯s gettin¡¯ to be a problem to follow you somewhere away from Tabitha, and the third one o¡¯ you¡¯s gonna make sure you get my attention. I¡¯m gonna be keeping my eye on everything from a ways back, but just in case you make sure I know if anything¡¯s happening. You all get it?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll sit next to Tabitha,¡± Bobby volunteered. ¡°Totally on it.¡± ¡°Best behavior, too,¡± Officer Williams warned. ¡°If you think it¡¯d be funny to get handsy or anything like that, all of us will very, very unhappy with you, Robert.¡± ¡°Bobby, sir,¡± Bobby corrected him with mock salute. ¡°It¡¯s really just Bobby. Seriously it is, on my ID, on my birth certificate¡ªI¡¯m just Bobby, was never a Rob or a Robert or a Bob.¡± ¡°Casey and I can run interference on anything that comes up, sure,¡± Matthew shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m guessing you want to keep an eye on Clarissa?¡± ¡°And that other Taylor girl, if she shows up,¡± the Officer let out a sigh. ¡°Dunno how she does it, but Tabitha¡¯s some kind of trouble magnet.¡±
Michael and Olivia led their group down the sloping aisle of the theater for the Pleasantville showing, choosing an empty row in the middle to sidle into. Elena and Alicia shuffled in after them, followed by Tabitha, Bobby, and Clarissa. The three adults accompanying their group hung further back, selecting a distant batch of seats to give the teens some space, and as Tabitha pulled down the seat-cushion and settled into it, that bubbly magic energy of excitement she¡¯d experienced when back at the mall had returned. I¡¯m in the nineties, at the movies¡ªand with a bunch of friends, Tabitha could help but smile. It¡¯s just, it¡¯s so AMAZING. Like another one of those NORMAL TEEN THINGS that I always wanted to experience, but never did. I¡¯m even sitting next to Bobby! They were all still early, the theater still had most of its lights on, and though the projector was running, it was simply displaying a slideshow of advertisements and occasional movie trivia questions. Scattered groups of moviegoers were seated throughout the predominantly empty seats, but a slow trickle of people were still making their way in. Plenty of people were speaking at once in hushed voices, and a few rows behind them someone let out an ¡°UGH¡± of dismay. Tabitha twisted in her seat to discover Mrs. Macintire tossing a piece of popcorn in the direction of Michael and Olivia, who were already unashamedly making out. ¡°Popcorn?¡± Bobby tilted his tall bag of popcorn towards her. ¡°Uh, no thanks,¡± Tabitha gave him an apologetic smile. ¡°...I¡¯m actually trying to quit.¡± ¡°Damn, my bad,¡± Bobby laughed. ¡°Yeah, the addiction is real. Can¡¯t even stop.¡± ¡°Popcorn?¡± Alicia grinned from Tabitha¡¯s other side, offering out an identical tall bag from the concessions stand. ¡°Uh, no,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Sorry, I only thought up the one joke for refusing popcorn.¡± ¡°C¡¯mon, mine only got like, six squirts of butter on it,¡± Alicia goaded her. ¡°It¡¯s practically still good for you. Healthy, even. Almost.¡± ¡°Blegh,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but make a face. ¡°Hey¡ªhave you seen this movie before?¡± Alicia leaned in close to whisper. ¡°Pleasantville. Like, did you already see it, but in the future?¡± ¡°Yeah, a bunch of times,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°It used to play on basic cable, I know TBS had it on all the time. It¡¯s a pretty good movie, though, I always liked it.¡± ¡°And, you haven¡¯t seen it yet here,¡± Alicia asked. ¡°So, if we ask your parents if they or anyone else has taken you to the movie theater recently, they¡¯re all gonna say no?¡± ¡°They¡¯re gonna say no,¡± Tabitha confirmed with a small nod. ¡°Okay, so,¡± Alicia¡¯s eyes seemed to dance. ¡°Prove you¡¯ve seen it¡ªtell me something you could only know from having watched it before.¡± ¡°Yeah, sure,¡± Tabitha paused for a moment and considered. ¡°Okay, this bit from the ending stands out in memory. The Pleasantville part had basically concluded, but we weren¡¯t back to the real world, yet; the husband and the wife were sitting on a park bench or¡ªno wait, I think it was supposed to be a bus stop. The husband says something like, um, ¡®what do we do now?¡¯ The camera pans over to the wife and she¡¯s like ¡®I don¡¯t know.¡¯ But, when the camera goes back to where the husband was sitting a second ago, it¡¯s another guy sitting there instead, the diner guy. And he kinda shrugs and goes ¡®I guess I don¡¯t know either.¡¯ ¡°It really stood out to me, because while before the movie played with metaphor, this scene stood out as trying to say that it was just a metaphor for how things went, and wasn¡¯t really depicting what was literally supposed to be happening in the scene. If that makes sense. It felt a bit out of place, but I think the movie was out of time, and things just wanted to wrap up?¡± ¡°Okay, cool,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°Got it. And, there¡¯s no way you could¡¯ve known that, right? Without seeing it. You haven¡¯t been talking with people who have seen it, or anything?¡± ¡°I know Mrs. Williams has seen it already, but she definitely wouldn¡¯t get into that kind of discussion with me before she thought I¡¯d had a chance to see it,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°She¡¯s not the type to want to spoil things.¡± ¡°Are you okay with me checking with her on that?¡± Alicia pressed. ¡°Like, I mean, I believe you. Obviously. But, I want to have something super solid as proof, ¡®cause Elena¡¯s such a skeptic.¡± ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re just hilarious.¡± Elena leaned forward to arch an eyebrow at them. ¡°You guys realize I can hear you whispering, right? Bobby¡¯s right there, too. He can hear you.¡± ¡°Yeah, I can hear them, but I wasn¡¯t listening, that¡¯d be rude,¡± Bobby interjected, popping forward from the other side of Tabitha. ¡°When two cute girls sitting right next to me start getting all secretive and whispery about who¡¯s seen what movie or whatever? I just completely tune all that out, ¡®cause I¡¯m respectful and their private conversation is none of my business.¡± ¡°Thank you, Bobby,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter if people overhear things at this point, anyways. No one would believe the truth, and if anyone even does and starts pressing me about it, I can say we were just messing around or making it up. Alicia¡ªElena¡¯s not going to believe in it with little things like songs or movies, and honestly, that¡¯s okay. Big things are coming in the next few years, and she¡¯ll believe me then.¡± ¡°Alright,¡± Alicia sagged in her seat and shook her head with a wry smile. ¡°Whatever. Just want you to remember, Tabs. I always believed you. Right from the very beginning, almost. And, Bobby¡­ did you just call me cute?!¡± ¡°You are cute,¡± Bobby confirmed. ¡°Just, you know, not quite so cute as Tabitha of course, on account of today being her birthday and all. I¡¯m sure you understand.¡± ¡°Well, yeah, obviously,¡± Alicia agreed. ¡°I mean, it¡¯s her birthday. Tabitha¡¯s super cute.¡± ¡°Thank you, everyone,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°It¡¯s nice to have at least one day of the year where I just have¡­ flattering sycophants on every side of me. I really appreciate it. I¡¯ll cherish all of these sweet lies for the whole rest of the year.¡± ¡°You do look good today, Tabitha,¡± Elena said. ¡°But, not gonna call you cute, that¡¯s super weird. Alicia wants to be funny, ¡®cause she thinks she¡¯s just totally hilarious, and then Bobby¡¯s just looking for any excuse to flirt with you. Just so you know.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± Alicia tried to look aggrieved. ¡°I wasn¡¯t just being funny. I was totally flirting, too.¡± ¡°Yeah, and I wasn¡¯t just flirting, I was also being funny,¡± Bobby chimed in. ¡°We can be both, I¡¯m always funny. But also, Tabitha if you do want to hold hands or anything, for the scary parts of the movie? Listen¡ªI am here for you. Makin¡¯ sure to only grab popcorn with my right hand, and you¡¯re on my left so things won¡¯t be weird and buttery at all, I promise.¡± ¡°Bobby gross,¡± Elena made a face. ¡°What?!¡± ¡°Shit, then I need napkins,¡± Alicia groused, looking down at her hand. ¡°Did one of you grab napkins? I wanna hold birthday girl¡¯s hand during the movie.¡± ¡°Gotcha covered babe¡ªI grabbed a whole bunch,¡± Bobby leaned forward, passing a handful of napkins past Tabitha over to Alicia. ¡°Thanks, uh¡ª¡± Alicia snorted. ¡°Thanks, babe? Sugah? Hot stuff?¡± ¡°Whichever is fine,¡± Bobby said with a serious face. ¡°I¡¯ll answer to all of those.¡± ¡°Tabitha, you should switch seats, let those two sit next to each other,¡± Elena remarked in a dry voice. ¡°And, what the hell, Alicia? Weren¡¯t you all against Bobby coming?¡± ¡°I¡­ was not!¡± Alicia¡¯s smile turned sheepish as she wiped her hands. ¡°We¡¯re, uh, we¡¯re friends from class. Kinda.¡± ¡°What!¡± Tabitha sat up in her seat. ¡°You told me you didn¡¯t have any classes with Bobby!¡± ¡°I uhhh, well, I fibbed,¡± Alicia turned her face away. ¡°I wanted to see if like, you¡¯d even actually invite him. If we didn¡¯t do it for you.¡± A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. ¡°Wow,¡± Bobby shook his head in disbelief. ¡°Woooow. No, you know what¡ªgimme those napkins back.¡± ¡°No,¡± Alicia said in a haughty voice, having finished cleaning herself up and giving her outstretched hand an imperious look. ¡°No, I don¡¯t think I will.¡± ¡°I thought you were different, Alicia,¡± Bobby lamented. ¡°I thought we had something special. You really didn¡¯t even want me to be invited?!¡± ¡°Alright, alright, we get it¡ªyou¡¯re both very funny,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°Both of you sit back and quit talking past me. I am¡­ open to holding both of your hands throughout the movie.¡± ¡°Slut,¡± Elena muttered out. ¡°Elena!¡± Alicia chastised her. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you just said that.¡± ¡°Wait, did I say that out loud?¡± Elena remarked in her now well-practiced sarcastic deadpan. ¡°I meant to keep that to myself as like, just me giving you guys this judgemental stare. My bad.¡± ¡°Just for that, I¡¯m holding your hand, too,¡± Alicia decided. ¡°There. Now you¡¯re a slut, too. Slut. Where¡¯s your soda?¡± ¡°Holding hands is fine, but I am not sharing my drink with any of you,¡± Elena established her boundaries. ¡°That¡¯s just gross. Backwash, and all that.¡± ¡°Not even a sip?!¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t backwash if you use a straw,¡± Bobby chimed in. ¡°That¡¯s just science.¡± ¡°Actually, yeah it still does,¡± Elena argued. ¡°And your mouth is still on the same straw, so it¡¯s still just as bad.¡± ¡°Share the same drink, but use two different straws?¡± Bobby suggested a compromise. ¡°That¡¯s uh, that¡¯s romantic, right?¡± ¡°Nope,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°There¡¯s still backwash. It¡¯s gross.¡± ¡°Um, isn¡¯t doing that basically like an indirect kiss?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Indirect kiss?¡± ¡°Because your lips touch the same thing? Hah!¡± ¡°Jesus, Tabs¡ªyou are a slut.¡± ¡°Michael and I are sharing our drink,¡± Olivia called over from a few seats past Elena. ¡°And we¡¯re not even dating!¡± ¡°You two were literally sucking each other¡¯s faces for like a full minute just now,¡± Elena pointed out. ¡°You only just finally came up for air. Girl, if you¡¯re going to share your drink, at least use the cup and straw.¡± ¡°Pfffttt!¡± Alicia doubled over, bursting into laughter. ¡°Shit, were they really?¡± ¡°Elena, gross, we were tastefully just kissing, as a friendly greeting,¡± Olivia shot back, amusement in her voice. ¡°It¡¯s a European thing, you wouldn¡¯t even get it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m actually one-sixteenth European,¡± Bobby said. ¡°On my uncle¡¯s side. He accidentally¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m just saying,¡± Elena said. ¡°Olivia, you leave Michael¡¯s retainer right where it is.¡± ¡°Hey¡ª! I have braces, not a retainer¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah, she was just checking out his tonsils in a friendly way. They¡¯re not dating or anything.¡± ¡°Bobby¡ªgross.¡± ¡°Jesus, tonsils, ew. That¡¯s even worse. Ew ew ew ewww¡ª¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m not European enough for all that,¡± Alicia shared a teasing grin with Tabitha. ¡°You cool with just holding hands?¡± ¡°Same, yeah,¡± Tabitha laughed, taking Alicia¡¯s hand. ¡°Let¡¯s just take things slow.¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Alicia beamed. ¡°Cool.¡± Remembering that there was still a teenager missing from the silly banter flying back and forth before the movie started, Tabitha then scooched forward on her seat so that she could peer past Bobby. ¡°You alright, Clarissa?¡± Tabitha asked, struggling to make out the girl¡¯s expression in the dark. ¡°Oh! Yeah, yes, I¡¯m fine,¡± Clarissa answered. ¡°I just¡ªyeah, I don¡¯t know what to say.¡± ¡°Are you okay being next to Bobby?¡± Tabitha suppressed a quirk of her lip as Bobby¡¯s face grew comically indignant. ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mea¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Clarissa said quickly. ¡°Bobby¡¯s cool. Everything¡¯s cool.¡± Somewhere deep in Tabitha¡¯s psyche, her vindictive inner fat girl wanted to take petty comfort in Clarissa¡¯s apparent misery. Then pangs of guilt smothered that pettiness in empathy and genuine sorrow for the poor girl. What Clarissa had done stealing her binder and trying to trash it was thoughtless and more than a little cruel, but wasn''t a large part of that simply the influence of the friends she¡¯d had? When gathered up together, sometimes teenage girls could be unbelievably thoughtless and cruel. Emboldened by such peers, Clarissa became a bully. But, when isolated and ostracized from that same circle, Clarissa was instead a lost and vulnerable young girl. One now struggling with stress acne and sudden weight gain, which further exacerbated her deteriorating social situation. Clarissa wasn¡¯t quite stoic enough to conceal how fragile she was right now, and Tabitha ached at seeing it. ¡°Bobby, if you want to hold my hand during the movie, you have to hold Clarissa¡¯s hand, too,¡± Tabitha decided at the spur of the moment. ¡°After making sure that¡¯s cool with her.¡± ¡°Uhhh¡ª¡± ¡°Great, yeah, let¡¯s just everybody hold hands,¡± Elena muttered. ¡°Next we can all sing Kumbayah.¡± ¡°Pssh, okay Wednesday Addams. Gimme.¡± ¡°Shut up, Olivia. Slut. No¡ªI¡¯m not holding your hand, cut it out.¡± ¡°It¡¯s totally cool with me,¡± Clarissa blurted out. ¡°I¡¯m not a big deal of¡ªI mean, I¡¯m¡ªit¡¯s not any kind of big deal, or anything. I can hold hands.¡± ¡°Well, shit, I¡ª¡± Bobby paused. ¡°Alicia seriously, gimme some of those napkins back.¡± ¡°You gave me all of yours?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°I crumpled them up, I thought you had more. Just wipe your hands on your pants like a normal person.¡± ¡°What the hell, Alicia?¡± Elena¡¯s mouth fell open. ¡°Don¡¯t tell him that, that¡¯s gross. And it¡¯s Bobby, he¡¯ll probably actually do it.¡± ¡°Damn, now what¡¯s that supposed to me¡ª¡± ¡°Elena, you¡¯re unexpectedly prissy today. Why don¡¯t you¡ª¡± ¡°Shut up, slut. I¡¯m normal, everyone else¡¯s just being gross.¡± ¡°Holding hands isn¡¯t gross,¡± Bobby protested. ¡°It¡¯s beautiful; it¡¯s how babies are made. You see, when a man and a woman love each other very, very much¡ª¡± ¡°Look, this is exactly what I¡¯m talking about. You¡¯re all bein¡¯ gross.¡± ¡°Elena¡ªcan we all just be dumb teenagers, please?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°It¡¯s my birthday.¡± ¡°No way, they¡¯re all being gross. Olivia¡¯s hand is all gross and slutty, it¡¯s¡ªew, it¡¯s probably got Michael cooties all over it. No offense, Michael.¡± ¡°What did I do?! Hey, pass this napkin over to Bobby.¡± ¡°Fine. Bobby, here.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Now gimme that,¡± Olivia finally managed to snatch Elena¡¯s hand. ¡°There. Is that so bad?¡± ¡°Yes?¡± Elena scowled for a moment. ¡°Actually, no? Jesus, your hand¡¯s really nice. How are you so friggin¡¯ soft and smooth?¡± ¡°I use super nice moisturizer, duh. Hate my skin getting all dry in the winter. Burt¡¯s Bees, their Almond and Milk hand creme. You want to try?¡± ¡°Yeah, kinda? My mom just buys us Av¨¨ne, I think, but I know I always love Burt¡¯s Bees. My lip balm is¡ª¡± ¡°Damn,¡± Bobby¡¯s brow furrowed. ¡°If I¡¯d known we were all gonna be holdin¡¯ hands, I woulda brought chopsticks for the popcorn.¡± ¡°We are not all holding hands for the whole damn movie like a cult of weirdos.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to¡ª¡± Clarissa started. ¡°Uh, I can run out and grab us some more napkins, if you want?¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ actually a really good idea,¡± Alicia perked up. ¡°Clarissa, see if you can grab a buncha straws while you¡¯re up. We can use straws as chopsticks!¡± ¡°Yeah, sure. Straws and more napkins?¡± ¡°You¡¯re¡ªAlicia, you¡¯re a genius,¡± Bobby declared. ¡°I take back almost all the mean stuff I said behind your back.¡± ¡°Gee, thanks.¡± ¡°Wait, I can¡¯t use chopsticks. I don¡¯t know how.¡± ¡°The hell? Olivia, have you never had Chinese before ever?¡± ¡°No. I mean yeah I have, but I just use a fork?¡± ¡°Blasphemy.¡± ¡°I love you guys,¡± Tabitha sighed, giving Alicia¡¯s hand a squeeze. ¡°You¡¯re all a bunch of jackasses.¡±
The teens went quiet as the lights dimmed and movie trailers began to play, some advertising films Tabitha remembered from a lifetime ago, and many that she¡¯d never heard of at all. In the illumination of one particularly bright screen moment she realized Bobby¡¯s hand was casually outstretched and offering¡ªwith a small smile, she put her hand in his. It was¡­ nice. On the other side of her, Alicia had leaned in towards her to occupy the armrest between their two seats, and her artist friend made a small noise of aggravation when Pleasantville began to play in earnest. ¡°No Phantom Menace trailer?¡± Alicia whispered. ¡°Lame.¡± Tabitha was very briefly both excited and nervous about holding hands with a cute boy, but as the movie played, she kept finding herself drawn into it and forgetting about Bobby completely. By the time she thought about it again¡ªthey weren¡¯t holding hands anymore, at some point they¡¯d stopped and she hadn¡¯t even been aware of letting go. Whoops. Well, it¡¯s fine! Normal. It¡¯s not even a big deal after all. Her row of friends was mostly silent throughout the movie, with only a whispered ¡®Who is that? He looks familiar¡¯ from Olivia to Elena when Don Knotts appeared on screen in his cameo as the TV repair man. Tabitha herself let out an audible bleurghh of disgust when Toby and Reese¡¯s characters were asked to eat the comically large spread of what looked to be every conceivable breakfast food on the table. Alicia had been silently laughing at that already, but let out a snort at hearing Tabitha¡¯s reaction¡ªthe two shared a grin before turning their attention back to the screen. To her surprise, Bobby was completely engrossed in the movie, leaning forward with interest as the plot developed and letting out small sounds of appreciation with the rest of their group when the bold colors began to appear with prominence within the black and white story. The movie had always been a pretty good one, but the effect it had on Tabitha felt magnified being able to share the big-screen experience with friends. It¡¯s so much more¡­ fun! It¡¯s hard to not feel the movie when you¡¯re surrounded by others who¡¯re interested and really engaged. Laughter rolled around the theater in response to Betty Parker¡¯s apparent orgasm making a tree outside burst into bright flames, and although some of it was from the kids in her row, Tabitha could definitely hear Mrs. Macintire way back there behind them. As scene after scene played out and the movie progressed towards its conclusion, Tabitha found herself savoring each and every minute. This was one of the few times in her new life that Tabitha could just relax and enjoy something for what it was! A large part of her was simply hyped up on being here with friends to see it on the big screen, and then another part of her was analyzing and appreciating the subtle and not-so-subtle allegories Pleasantville seemed to be packed to the brim with, from the perspective of a writer. It was a very welcome distraction, once again allowing the fresh and exuberant new teen part of her and the aged and weary traveler from the future to blur at their edges for a little while. A startling amount of the film¡¯s themes applied to Tabitha¡¯s circumstances, with a person transplanted back into a different era muddling through preconceptions, misunderstandings, and personal change. The fit wasn¡¯t perfectly analogous to her situation, but it didn¡¯t have to be¡ªTabitha found the whole experience incredibly cathartic all the same. Before she knew it, Pleasantville was already concluding. ¡°So, what¡¯s gonna happen now?¡± Mr. Parker finally asked, prim in his suit up on the big screen as he sat beside Betty on the bench. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t know,¡± Betty Parker replied after a moment of visibly wrestling with the question. ¡°Do you know what¡¯s going to happen now?¡± ¡°No,¡± Mr. Parker admitted with a chuckle. ¡°I don¡¯t.¡± The shot panned from him towards Betty who¡¯d begun to laugh as well, and Tabitha felt a wave of relief and embarrassment when the camera returned and Jeff Daniel¡¯s character¡ªthe diner guy¡ªhad replaced Mr. Parker, somewhat like in Tabitha¡¯s earlier prediction. Alicia was tapping at Tabitha¡¯s arm in frantic excitement, but Tabitha simply wanted to facepalm. She¡¯d remembered quite a few of the details wrong¡ªshe¡¯d told Alicia this part happened before Bud returned to the real world, while it actually happened afterwards. The quotes she¡¯d provided earlier were paraphrased and not quite right, and instead of decisive details from future experience this was¡­ it was simply vague and unreliable. Alicia seemed thrilled and satisfied all the same, and with a wincing smile Tabitha held her friend¡¯s hand and tried not to feel too embarrassed. I¡­ KIND OF remembered, at least? C¡¯mon, it¡¯s been years and years and years! Of COURSE most everything I know is vague and unreliable. ¡°Holy crap,¡± Alicia stood and stretched out her arms as the credits rolled and the crowds of moviegoers around them began to shuffle out of their seats and towards the aisle. ¡°That was cool.¡± ¡°Yeah, damn,¡± Bobby lurched to his feet and then stooped to grab his empty popcorn bag. ¡°That was really good. You like it?¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°It was really well done.¡± ¡°Tabs was right ¡®bout the ending, too,¡± Alicia said to Elena. ¡°She totally called it.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t even count,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°It¡¯s already been in theaters for weeks. Anyone could¡¯ve called it.¡± ¡°Tch,¡± Alicia pouted. ¡°Well, I believe her.¡± ¡°Duh, we know. I should¡¯ve gotten up and went to sit on the other side,¡± Elena grumbled. ¡°Over with Clarissa. These two over here? They were getting handsy.¡± ¡°We were not!¡± Olivia cried out. ¡°You take that back. Michael and I are just friends, okay?¡± ¡°You missed half the movie ¡®cause you were making sloppy kissy noises,¡± Elena said in a deadpan voice. ¡°It was like hearing a dog at a water dish.¡± ¡°Pffft!¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Jesus, guys.¡± ¡°We were not sloppy, Elena, gross,¡± Olivia looked affronted. ¡°I told him before it started that I¡¯d give him a little kiss every time I saw something in colors. How was I supposed to know the whole third act was all practically in color?!¡± ¡°Oh my God,¡± Clarissa shook her head. ¡°But, then you two missed so much good movie!¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Seriously.¡± ¡°Yeah, their loss,¡± Bobby spoke up. ¡°Movie was way better than I thought it¡¯d be. Gonna have to tell my brother ¡®bout this one.¡± ¡°I liked it,¡± Tabitha nodded along. ¡°I liked it too,¡± Clarissa added. ¡°Ending was kinda weird,¡± Michael said. ¡°Like, Bud¡¯s got this family that loves him and this world where he¡¯s this, I dunno, Jesus figure to his peers almost, and he has a girl who¡¯s totally into him¡ªand he¡¯s all like ¡®whelp, I should go back to the real world.¡¯ Like, why? Bro.¡± ¡°Dude,¡± Bobby laughed. ¡°Most unrealistic part of the movie, yeah. And then he¡¯s back like, comforting his real world mom and acting all wise and cleaning up her makeup? And her immediate response to that isn¡¯t accusing him of being stoned?¡± ¡°Hahahaha!¡± ¡°Oh my God, I was thinking the exact same thing!¡± Alicia squealed. ¡°He was totally acting like he was so high there at the very end. I would¡¯ve thought that, too.¡± ¡°Like maybe the whole jaunt into Pleasantville was just a crazy trip,¡± Bobby chuckled. ¡°Did he really get sucked into the TV show? Did he?¡± ¡°You guys are dumb,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°I thought it was sweet. He was like¡ªthe stuff he went through made him realize that yeah, even moms are also human beings with vulnerabilities, and stuff they go through and all that.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Clarissa said. ¡°Is there a sequel?¡± Alicia turned to Tabitha. ¡°Or, is that it?¡± ¡°No sequel,¡± Tabitha apologized. ¡°Sorry¡ªthat was it.¡± ¡°Damn,¡± Alicia groaned. ¡°Well. Still. It was pretty good.¡± ¡°What I wanna know,¡± Olivia said, ¡°Is¡ªdid all those changes to Pleasantville play out on TV? Like in the real world? Did he just mess up that trivia contest for all the people watching the marathon that night?¡± ¡°Huh, I totally forgot about that,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°What was it? A thousand bucks?¡± ¡°I think so,¡± Tabitha said, turning to follow Bobby and Clarissa as they began to sidle out of the row and into the aisle. I want to ask if that was a super young Joseph Gordon-Levitt that was cast as Bud¡¯s random real-world friend. But, no one will have any clue who that is. Ugghh. No Google, either! Always frustrating. Shuffling up the dark aisle amid all the other people as theater patrons filed out of their seats and started toward the exist, Tabitha saw that they had lingered longer than their chaperones¡ªMrs. Macintire and Mr. and Mrs. Williams¡¯ seats were already empty. Bobby paused with Tabitha by the side as they waited for Michael and Olivia to bring up the rear of their group, and all at once it occurred to Tabitha that from the posture and body language¡ªBobby was escorting her, like a gentleman. Ensuring she wasn¡¯t alone or unsafe, or that he would be within arms¡¯ reach if she needed to get his attention for anything. Awwww. Bobby! It was sweet and endearing and also startling and strange. Tabitha had been acclimating to people actually caring about her for once this whole new life, and yet the subtle different ways that care actually manifested always took her by surprise. Being drawn to the forefront of everyone¡¯s lives was both heartwarming and a little scary¡ªbecause as bitter as she had been about living the life of mediocrity and being beneath everyone¡¯s notice before, she had also learned to use that anonymity. Tabitha had largely exempted herself from stressful things like socializing, avoided any kind of tense confrontation, and was invisible to most public scrutiny simply because she was completely under everyone¡¯s radar. The way Bobby now stood at her side, waiting on her, was yet another reminder that this life was very different, and she was going to have to continue to unlearn many of her old habits. Also a reminder that I should probably be more mindful of where I keep sprinkling my little breadcrumb trail of FUTURE HINTS, Tabitha thought as the procession of teens caught up and they all made their way out of the theater room together. The reference to Tobey Macguire someday being Spiderman was good enough. It¡¯ll just seem like random teenage noise to those who don¡¯t care. But, for those I want to someday prove I¡¯m from the future to, it¡¯ll hopefully stand out as SOME kind of evidence. I hope. Just, if there¡¯s ever any¡ª A dark-haired teenage girl across just at the edge of the movie theater¡¯s lobby was staring at her. The group of friends Tabitha was walking with dissolved in different directions all at once, Olivia and Elena making a beeline for the ladies room while Clarissa trailed after them, Michael going in the opposite direction to the other restroom, and Bobby attempting to make a three-pointer shot with his crumpled up popcorn bag¡ªit bounced off the lip of the waste bin in a spectacular miss. ¡°Ohhhh¡ªhe shoots; he misses,¡± Alicia taunted. ¡°Not fair at all,¡± Bobby grumbled, stepping over to pick up the bag. ¡°You totally psyched me out. You were givin¡¯ me the eye.¡± ¡°Oh, the eye?¡± Alicia opened one eye as far as it could go. ¡°Like this?¡± ¡°Ah, see? Stop it,¡± Bobby threw again, missing once more. ¡°Damnit. You¡¯re like¡ªlisten, I got this rhythm for setting up the perfect shot, but when cute girls are all scoping me out¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, scoping you out?!¡± ¡°Basically. I mean, I don¡¯t blame you, but¡ª¡± Tabitha noticed the dark-haired girl across the way from them again, and then disregarded her, as her distracted mind was still dancing back and forth between the movie they¡¯d just walked out of and halfway paying attention to the casual banter exchanging back and forth between Alicia and Bobby. But, an unsettling feeling seemed to creep up her back, and when Tabitha glanced over again¡ªthe girl was still staring. Does she¡ª? Tabitha froze. Oh, fuck! That¡¯s ASHLEE! With a jolt Tabitha started forward, hurrying over across the stretch of carpet, then past the metal stanchions and velvet theater rope that demarcated the lobby and concessions area from the hall that required tickets for entry. Ashlee Taylor wasn¡¯t someone Tabitha remembered that well to begin with, and with her hair hanging down to hide her amblyopic eye, she almost wasn¡¯t recognizable at all. She was wearing what must have been someone else¡¯s borrowed athletic raincoat and sweatpants, neither of which seemed to fit, carrying a large gift bag, and¡ªfocusing on Tabitha with an expressionless stare. ¡°...Ashlee?¡± Tabitha asked with a sheepish tilt of her head, still not completely positive she¡¯d correctly identified the girl. ¡°Yeah,¡± Ashlee answered. ¡°You invited me, didn¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Yes, of course, but¡ªhave you been waiting out here this whole time?¡± Tabitha felt aghast. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I thought that¡ª¡± ¡°Whoever told my Aunt about all this said Mighty Joe Young,¡± Ashlee shrugged. ¡°She dropped me off right before it was supposed to start, and, well. Didn¡¯t see you anywhere. So, I just waited.¡± ¡°Shit¡ªAshlee, I¡¯m so sorry,¡± Tabitha groaned, putting her good hand to her temple. ¡°We¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Ashlee shrugged again. ¡°Hey, everything okay?¡± Bobby rushed into place standing between them, looking more than a little alarmed. ¡°Uhh¡ªand you are?¡± ¡°Bobby, no, it¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha gently pushed him back out of the way. ¡°It¡¯s Ashlee. Ashlee Taylor. We invited her, but¡­ someone must have told her Aunt we were watching Mighty Joe Young. Ashlee, we just got out of Pleasantville¡ªpart of our group, my cousins, my Grandma, and a few of the others, they didn¡¯t want to see that one and went for Mighty Joe Young instead.¡± ¡°Okay?¡± Ashlee asked, looking irritated. ¡°Yeah, I didn¡¯t see you.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Uh, well¡ª¡± ¡°Who¡¯s this?¡± Alicia stepped up beside Tabitha, all but bristling at Ashlee¡¯s presence for some reason. ¡°Does she have a problem?¡± ¡°Oh, no¡ªAlicia, this is my friend Ashlee,¡± Tabitha introduced them as panic and a sense that this situation had escaped her control welled up within her. ¡°Ashlee, this is Alicia. And this is, uh, this is Bobby.¡± ¡°Friend?¡± Ashlee asked. ¡°We went in a little early for Pleasantville, and then Pleasantville started some time before Mighty Joe Young, so¡ª¡± Tabitha fought the urge to fidget. ¡°So, I¡¯m sorry. I did look, I was uh, on the lookout for you, but I didn¡¯t think to¡­ I didn¡¯t think to tell the other group to keep an eye out, or¡ªthere must have been some misunderstanding with whoever talked to your Aunt, or¡ª¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Ashlee said. ¡°Well. Happy birthday.¡± The scrawny dark-haired teen pushed forward the gift bag, and Bobby intercepted it. He was still standing uncomfortably close, as if he expected Tabitha and Ashlee might launch into a close-quarters scratching and clawing catfight the moment he relaxed his guard. Letting go of the bag, Ashlee¡¯s single visible eye flicked from Tabitha to Bobby and hung there for a moment in silent evaluation before returning to Tabitha. ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Really. Thank you for coming. And¡ªI¡¯m so sorry you missed the movie.¡± ¡°Sure,¡± Ashlee continued to stare. ¡°My aunt said she wasn¡¯t picking me up until late at night, and it¡¯s not even dark out yet¡ªso, what now?¡± ¡°Oh! The actual party itself we¡¯re having in Florence,¡± Tabitha revealed. ¡°Getting dinner and doing presents and a lot of fun stuff. I think we¡¯re about to head over.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªwhat did you think of the movie, hon?¡± Mrs. Macintire squeezed between a passing couple and another small group exiting the Sandboro theater and joined them. ¡°Oh, hello there. Are you a friend of Tabitha¡¯s?¡± ¡°This is Ashlee,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°She¡ªwe went in too early and we missed her. She was out here this whole time.¡± ¡°Aw, shoot¡ªhoney, I¡¯m so sorry!¡± Mrs. Macintire frowned. ¡°This whole time?¡± ¡°Like, an hour and a half at least,¡± Ashlee said. ¡°My Aunt thought it was supposed to be Mighty Joe Young?¡± ¡°That¡¯s such a long time to be here waiting!¡± Sandra exclaimed. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry¡ªare you alright?¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± Ashlee all but bristled. ¡°Used to it.¡± Nobody has cell phones, Tabitha wanted to groan in frustration. So, when you can¡¯t find someone you¡¯re supposed to meet up with¡ªyou¡¯re just out of luck. Ashlee could have asked the people at concessions if she could use a phone, or put coins into a payphone, but. She¡¯d have no one to contact but her Aunt, really. To come pick her back up. There¡¯s no way whatsoever to reach me, or Mrs. Williams, or any of us if we¡¯re not home at a landline. How did ANYONE manage get togethers back in these days?! ¡°Sooo, what¡¯re we doing, what¡¯s the plan?¡± Alicia asked, putting on a hesitant smile now that Mrs. Macintire was here, but still apparently refusing to acknowledge Ashlee. Why is everyone being so¡­? Tabitha looked from friends to Ashlee. Tense? ¡°Florence Fundome, pizza and presents,¡± Mrs. Macintire perked up. ¡°Some of you girls can ride with me, then I think the Williams can take some of you, and Olivia¡¯s mom¡¯s here, too. Where is everyone?¡± ¡°Restrooms,¡± Alicia hiked a thumb back down the hallway. ¡°We¡¯re just waiting on Elena and all them.¡± ¡°Cool, cool cool cool,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°Well, me? I¡¯m already starved, and we¡¯ve got a ways to go. Hope everyone¡¯s hungry for pizza!¡±
While half of their large group had watched Pleasantville with Tobey Macguire and Reese Witherspoon in the final week of its theatrical run, Grandma Laurie, Matthew, and Casey shepherded Tabitha¡¯s four cousins and Hannah over to instead see Charlize Theron in Mighty Joe Young. That one was rated PG, and seemed more appropriate for holding the attention of the younger ones than the somewhat raunchy drama and dark comedy of Pleasantville. However, splitting up to catch different screenings also meant that that part of their party wouldn¡¯t even get out of their showing until a half hour later. When weighing the options between waiting on them or driving out to Florence, Kentucky ahead of the other group, consensus turned out to be that everyone was hungry and wanted pizza sooner rather than later. Thus, three vehicles departed from the Sandboro theaters in a little convoy, because the trip out to where the rest of the birthday celebration would actually be turned out to be a long one, their destination just shy of an hour¡¯s drive away. Thankfully, Mrs. Macintire and the three teenage girls with her now had plenty to talk about on the drive. ¡°Golly, It was really good!¡± Sandra couldn¡¯t stop smiling. ¡°Thought I¡¯d hate Pleasantville, because the trailers on TV made it seem so¡ªwell, you know. Artsy.¡± ¡°Gosh darn, you¡¯re right,¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°That sure was a swell movie.¡± ¡°The keenest!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Uh¡­ gee whiz?¡± Elena delivered in her best gothic deadpan. ¡°It was good, though,¡± Tabitha agreed from the passenger¡¯s seat. ¡°The acting was amazing, and the casting was outstanding. Great cinematography, too. Color grading. But, at the same time¡ªit¡¯s¡­ hmm. I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°It was cool,¡± Alicia decided. ¡°It was a lot of things. I thought at first the use of color and black and white would be real gimmicky, and it kinda was, but then what they actually did with it, and like, the way it told its own story just at a glance from scene to scene, that was really well done! Also just¡ªno offense guys¡ªwhite people 1960s stuff was just creepy as hell.¡± ¡°1950s, you mean,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°The swingin¡¯ sixties was Kennedy, Vietnam. Hippies and flower power. Very very different eras. You¡¯re not wrong about how creepy some of the stuff in that movie was, though! That one bit where Bud goes into the kitchen to find the mom? Like, when the dad was entertaining the mayor guy? Everything was all quiet and still and even before the Mom turns around, you can just tell something¡¯s gone really, really wrong. Dreadful! Gave me chills!¡± ¡°Yeah, that part was really good,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Elena? What¡¯d you think?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a lot to process,¡± Elena admitted. ¡°I liked the mom. Like, right in that kitchen scene you¡¯re talking about¡ªher acting was really incredible. She was just so clearly terrified and she kept trying to force up that smile, because that¡¯s all she knew how to do¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, yeah!¡± Tabitha chimed in. ¡°She went from the most cardboard character to just having so much depth. I was really surprised.¡± ¡°So, you liked it?¡± Mrs. Macintire beamed. ¡°Yes! And no,¡± Tabitha pursed her lips. ¡°Pleasantville really excelled in what it was trying to do¡ªjust, it also felt like a lot of the time they were so focused on putting it all into a certain theme or allegory that they did so at the expense of¡­ you know, the logic, the internal consistency of the story. All of the allegory was well done, but you can¡¯t say they weren¡¯t real heavy-handed in how thick they heaped it all on. At the expense of some of the narrative!¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Alicia¡¯s eyebrows rose. ¡°Like¡ªand this is just one example,¡± Tabitha twisted in her seat so she could better see the two friends behind her. ¡°That bit where the husband gets home, closes the door, and the lights are off? Thunder rumbles menacingly. Horror movie vibes; there¡¯s no dinner. He¡¯s at this complete and total loss. He wanders through the house, calling out ¡®where¡¯s my dinner,¡¯ louder and louder, right?¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Well, the whole point of that scene was that he came home and the house was empty, and they tried to just clobber you over the head with that idea,¡± Tabitha held up a finger. ¡°But, think about it. The house wasn¡¯t empty. The sister¡ªMary Sue¡ªwas upstairs that whole time. We even get a shot mixed in of her during that other part, standing at the window, reacting to the rainfall from that same storm. ¡°She should have, no, would have come down at hearing him yell, and would¡¯ve at least tried to be in character enough to calm the guy down and talk him through things. Or thrown together a quick dinner for him out of whatever they had there. We get emotional scenes with Bud and the Mom, but then there¡¯s this great opportunity for them to do something similar with Mary Sue and the dad, and then they just¡ªdon¡¯t. It¡¯s baffling.¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Alicia said. ¡°You¡¯re right, she was there, wasn¡¯t she?¡± ¡°Sorta,¡± Elena spoke up. ¡°The sister kinda just drops out of the story partway through, and then shows back up towards the end in a oh yeah, I¡¯m still here too sorta way.¡± ¡°Maybe they¡­ yeah, they probably didn¡¯t want you to even think about her too hard,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°She was kind of the villain, in my eyes. Her first hooking up with the basketball captain kid? Man, that was just not okay. He had the body of an eighteen-year-old, maybe, but right from the beginning they portrayed him as having this complete childlike innocence. ¡°He wasn¡¯t real, wasn¡¯t like a complete person, he didn¡¯t have even concepts of sex or any of that, and that bit at Lover¡¯s Lane where she¡¯s first seducing him? It¡¯s like¡ªit was terrifying, it¡¯s like for a bit there, there was this real fear in his eyes, there was this total alien stuff being pushed on him from levels of reality beyond his ability to process, let alone consent to, and¡ªit was just not okay.¡± ¡°So, is that kinda how you think about¡­?¡± Alicia probed. ¡°You know. Dating stuff? From what we talked about on the phone the other day?¡± ¡°Ughh, ew, ew, uggghh,¡± Tabitha made a disgusted face and pantomimed gagging. ¡°Don¡¯t even go there. Ugghhhh. God, I hope not. I just¡ªwhat the hell?! Not cool, ¡®Licia!¡± ¡°What?¡± Elena looked from Tabitha to Alicia. ¡°Dating stuff?¡± ¡°It¡¯s nothing,¡± Tabitha blew an errant tangle of red hair out of her face with an angry puff and then combed fingers through her hair in aggravation. ¡°I¡¯ll tell you later. Or never. Probably never. I don¡¯t wanna talk about it.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Sandra cleared her throat and tactfully changed the subject, ¡°I didn¡¯t like the dad guy. The husband. They tried real hard to make you feel sympathetic to him towards the end, but it¡¯s like¡ªno way, nope. After the whole where¡¯s my dinner bit, and then him trying to lay down the law for his wife and tell her how things were gonna be? Nope, lost all my sympathy there, and never got it back.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s completely fair,¡± Tabitha argued after a moment of consideration. ¡°You have to remember¡ªhe wasn¡¯t a complete person. Like a lot of them, he was just these surface level parts of a person, suddenly thrust into the trials and tribulations of trying to be a whole person. When he was going ¡®where¡¯s my dinner,¡¯ it wasn¡¯t out of anger or entitlement, or not completely, he was just at this total loss. Like a fish out of water. ¡°He literally had no concept of dinner, outside it being something his wife made every single night, for the entirety of his existence. He didn¡¯t have a past, or a childhood, or young adult life where he might have learned to cook or any other experiences to draw from. It wasn¡¯t just him not knowing how to cook, it was him not understanding those full concepts, because they weren¡¯t written as part of his character from the original Pleasantville show. Even if he accidentally opened the refrigerator, or the pantry when looking for food and saw the uncooked stuff or the ingredients or whatever? He might not recognize that stuff for what it was. Not without having the wife or Bud or Mary Sue explain it to him.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Macintire mused with a skeptical shrug. ¡°Maybe you¡¯re right? I didn¡¯t see it like that. Still don¡¯t like him though, hah. Maybe it¡¯s just the actor they chose?¡± ¡°I can see what you¡¯re saying with them all starting out as characters and not real people, exactly,¡± Elena said. ¡°But also, the movie didn¡¯t treat that very consistently. Like, the whole town made the leap in logic from ¡®we have no idea what fire even is¡¯ to ¡®let¡¯s have a nazi Germany-style book-burning.¡¯ Within the span of a day or two.¡± ¡°Ooh, yeah, that was another one of those,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Where logic goes out the window, because they want to pile on allegory for stuff that looks cool on screen. It did all look great, though.¡± ¡°What? No way,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I thought that made sense. As the days went on in town, books and knowledge and stuff started to like, fill in to match. It showed that. So, I thought every time something new to them was introduced, it like, soaked in and then became part of their reality.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha copied Sanda¡¯s doubtful tone. ¡°I dunno about that.¡± ¡°No, it has to be like that,¡± Alicia insisted. ¡°Right towards the end, even, the sign to another town appeared and a 1960s style bus just like, materialized, out of nothing but¡­ introduced concepts? Heck, the sister chick who stayed behind was going to some college that appeared in that reality out of nowhere, apparently.¡± ¡°I guess you¡¯ve got a point,¡± Tabitha conceded. ¡°Fine.¡± ¡°1950s bus,¡± Mrs. Macintire corrected. ¡°I was born in the late sixties, and obviously I¡¯m still young. So, the sixties can¡¯t have been that long ago. Right?¡± ¡°Golly, yes!¡± ¡°Of course, Ma¡¯am!¡± ¡°Oh uh¡ªobviously. Yeah. Gee whiz?¡± ¡°Very funny, guys,¡± Mrs. Macintire rolled her eyes. ¡°Should¡¯ve had you all ride with Karen instead, then you¡¯d be gettin¡¯ the real history lessons. And she¡¯d have you listening to the Beatles the whole time¡ªalso a sixties thing. So. Count your blessings.¡± ¡°That song at the end of the movie was actually a Beatles cover,¡± Tabitha pointed out. ¡°That was definitely Across the Universe.¡± ¡°Yep, that does it. On the ride back, I¡¯m stickin¡¯ you guys with Karen and them,¡± Mrs. Macintire joked. ¡°I¡¯m not much of a Beatles fan, if you couldn¡¯t tell.¡± ¡°Sooo¡ª¡± Tabitha quirked her lip into an awkward smile. ¡°You grew up in the seventies, so you¡¯re more¡­ what, a Bee Gees kind of girl?¡± ¡°Pffft, Jesus Christ, kid,¡± Sandra snorted. ¡°Not only no, but hell no. I¡¯m a Led Zeppelin kinda girl, all the way. Someone roll down the window and toss Miss Tabitha¡¯s bad taste outta here, we¡¯ve gotta get to the party without bein¡¯ so weighed down by all of it.¡± ¡°No no, Led Zeppelin is great, too!¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°I, honestly, I enjoy all Oldies music. I¡¯m not particular.¡± ¡°Oldies? Ow. Ow,¡± The driver pulled a hand back from the steering wheel to clutch at her heart in mock pain. ¡°Right where it hurts! What the hell, I don¡¯t like you when you¡¯re around your friends. You¡¯re mean, girl. What happened to the nice and polite Tabitha, who¡¯s so sweet around Hannah?¡± ¡°It¡¯s her birthday,¡± Alicia explained. ¡°So, yeah. She gets to be as mean as she wants. Birthdays are like a get out of jail free card.¡± ¡°I¡¯m actually really curious, Mrs. Macintire,¡± Elena spoke up. ¡°If Pleasantville was like the fifties, and then the sixties were like hippies and Austin Powers¡ªhow did it get from there to there in only ten years? That seems so¡­ drastic.¡± ¡°Look at this, now you¡¯re all being mean to poor Sandy!¡± Sandra complained. ¡°I told you, I was born in late sixties. All of that was before my time! Go ask some dinosaur like Karen, she¡¯ll have all your answers.¡± ¡°Pleasantville wasn¡¯t what the fifties were like, Pleasantville was a satirical take on what fifties sitcom television was like,¡± Tabitha gave them a wry smile. ¡°Clean-cut, patriotic. Anything that didn¡¯t sing the virtues of the nuclear family might as well have been commie propaganda. What we saw with Pleasantville was blatant stereotype, sprinkled with the most anachronistic-to-us 1950s set dressing they could find, for flair. The super retro kitchen appliances, the grandma hairdos, poking fun of the weird fashion stuff of the era like those pointy vintage bullet bras, all that.¡± ¡°It was still cool to see,¡± Alicia added. ¡°Cool but creepy?¡± ¡°I think as movies go, Grease was probably a more accurate depiction of the fifties,¡± Tabitha concluded. ¡°Something like the aesthetic you¡¯d expect all the way from Elvis exploding into popularity, to how things look on The Brady Bunch.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªso, more like Bye Bye Birdie?¡± Elena asked. ¡°My mom¡ª¡± ¡°Whaaat?!¡± Mrs. Macintire jumped back into the conversation. ¡°No way, Grease was a straight-up seventies movie, they only put in this token effort at their fifties depiction. Happy Days is closer, but still has a bunch of seventies tells. Brady Bunch is flat out a seventies show, too¡ªTabby, your whole estimation there is like, twenty years off the mark.¡± ¡°No, I mean like¡ªthey¡¯re not accurate, they¡¯re just more accurate than Pleasantville?¡± Tabitha spread her hands in a helpless gesture. ¡°Closer to the reality?¡± ¡°So, what era is That 70s Show supposed to be set in?¡± Alicia joked. ¡°Kidding! It¡¯s actually crazy to think about though, with how much everything changes from time to time. The way everything looks, the whole cultural side of that in general. I mean, the fifties was forty eight years ago. Can you even imagine how much different from now things will be in the future, like forty-eight years from now? Huh, Tabs, huh? What do you think?¡± ¡°I¡­ honestly don¡¯t like to think about it at all,¡± Tabitha sniffed, turning again to make a face at her friend. ¡°But, if I did consider it¡ªwell, I can only promise that we¡¯ll all live to see man-made horrors beyond our comprehension.¡± ¡°It¡¯s gonna be okay, honey,¡± Sandra gave her a bitter smile. ¡°No need to be that dramatic. I feel the same way every birthday, and look at me¡ªI¡¯m still young!¡± ¡°Hey, as of today I¡¯m fourteen,¡± Tabitha held up her hands in defense. ¡°As far as I know, this is exactly how dramatic a fourteen year old girl should be.¡± 46, The big birthday bash. ¡°Wait a minute,¡± Elena narrowed her eyes in suspicion. ¡°We can¡¯t be having your party here, right?¡± ¡°We are, actually!¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°What, bad choice?¡± The building was a large, rather nondescript single-story edifice with a big parking lot, with a Florence Fundome sign the only indication that it might be anything other than an office building of some kind. ¡°A¡­ roller-skating rink?¡± Alicia blinked. ¡°I mean, not a bad choice, but¡ªTabitha can you even skate? I mean with you recovering from surgery and all that?¡± ¡°Nope!¡± Tabitha answered with a bright voice. ¡°I both can¡¯t skate and can¡¯t skate. I don¡¯t know how to yet, and also, I¡¯m prohibited from physical activities until I get a doctor¡¯s all-clear.¡± ¡°Then, why¡­?¡± Elena made a face. ¡°That¡¯s what I said!¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head in dismay. ¡°Karen and I were pushing for the bowling alley instead, but¡ªwell, this is what Tabitha wanted.¡± ¡°Roller-skating sounds more fun for everybody!¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I want everyone to have fun, even if I can¡¯t, just yet. I can watch and still have a good time. Bowling sounded a bit too dull for Hannah or my cousins, and¡­ yeah. My choice. Since it¡¯s December, that rules out almost all of the good outside party ideas, and since I can¡¯t do anything active anyways, there isn¡¯t much left that¡¯s good for a party.¡± ¡°Can you girls skate?¡± Mrs. Macintire turned her bemused smile to the pair sitting in the back. ¡°Yeah, I mean, I think so,¡± Alicia confirmed. ¡°Never roller-skated, but I¡¯ve been ice-skating with my mom before, at least? Basically the same.¡± ¡°I have roller blades at home,¡± Elena nodded as well. ¡°I can skate.¡± ¡°Then, when we come back here sometime this spring, both of you can teach me,¡± Tabitha said, unbuckling her seatbelt. ¡°In the meantime, it won¡¯t even just be skating¡ªMrs. Williams said there¡¯s another little arcade, there¡¯ll be pizza, there¡¯s a DJ, apparently. It¡¯ll be cool?¡± ¡°It¡¯s one of the places Karen has marked in her little book for our church¡¯s youth group and all the trips they go on,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°She always picks out good stuff.¡± The girls disembarked, stepping out into the parking lot and stretching again in the mid-afternoon sunlight. Olivia¡¯s mother¡ªMrs. Moreno¡ªdrove a Toyota Corolla that was just pulling into the lot. From a quick glance through the windows, Olivia and Clarissa seemed to be talking and socializing with one another at the very least, though Ashlee appeared to glower in silence. The third car wasn¡¯t in sight yet, but with Officer Williams and the two teenage boys all heckling each other and laughing like idiots before even leaving the theater, Mrs. Williams had dubbed her Taurus the clown car¡ªwho knows what detour had delayed them. Before leaving the Acura behind, Mrs. Macintire popped open the trunk and Tabitha watched in bemused embarrassment as Sandra, Elena, and Alicia each grabbed a different box wrapped up in gift paper. Alicia cradled hers against her chest as if its contents were fragile, Elena casually propped up the present she carried against one hip as she walked as if it definitely wasn¡¯t fragile, and the one Mrs. Macintire carried was slimmer but appeared to be heavier than the other two. Tabitha very honestly had no idea what to expect or what anyone would even give her. I mean. I asked my parents for A BUCKET for my birthday. Just so I could have one for composting. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever really had much in the way of expectations, there. Part of it just goes in hand with having a birthday so close to Christmas, part of it¡¯s just growing up poor. The trunk door was slammed shut, and the girls began to meander towards the Fundome entrance. ¡°But, still,¡± Elena couldn¡¯t help but criticize. ¡°You should¡¯ve picked some place where you¡¯re not¡ªI dunno, what are you even going to do? Sit off to the side and watch everyone else skate? For your birthday?¡± ¡°Tthpphphhh!¡± Tabitha blew a raspberry at her friend. ¡°It¡¯s my birthday, I can pick whatever I want.¡± ¡°It¡¯s my party, and I¡¯ll cry if I want to¡ªcry if I want to¡ª!¡± Alicia sang out. ¡°Very funny,¡± Tabitha sniffed and put on her most imperious voice. ¡°I get to sit and be comfortable with cake and pizza and presents, while I watch all of you plebians roll around for my amusement. Crashing into each other and falling down and whatnot, I imagine.¡± ¡°Oh, it¡¯s that kind of party, is it?¡± Mrs. Macintire teased. ¡°C¡¯mon, let¡¯s head in.¡±
The inside of the Florence Fundome, in Tabitha¡¯s opinion, looked like a bowling alley which had all of its lanes removed and simply replaced with an enormous flat expanse of polished hardwood flooring. It was a little bit of a letdown right after visiting the more grandiose Sandboro Theaters complex, but there was also a certain simplicity to the Fundome that gave it plenty of charm. Several dozen skaters were whirling giant loops around the rink, the aroma of fresh pizza hung in the air, and No Doubt could be heard blasting from speakers¡ªTabitha recognized Gwen Stefani¡¯s voice and the jaunty ska meets punk rock melody, but couldn¡¯t quite recall which song this was. ¡°It¡¯s pretty nice!¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°I like it.¡± ¡°Golly, yeah,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°It¡¯s just the keenest!¡± ¡°Would you stop that already,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°Made me gag already in the movie, let¡¯s not just keep revisiting it.¡± ¡°We¡¯ve got a reservation,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°They¡¯ll give us a whole little section of booths to ourselves, and you¡¯re all covered for your skates¡ªwe¡¯re under the name TEAM TABBY, you should be able to just go up and tell them what size you need. I¡¯m gonna get us some pizzas ordered and in the oven, I am absolutely famished.¡± ¡°Team Tabby?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°I think I see¡ªyep, we¡¯re right over there.¡± A quartet of booths taking up an entire corner of the dining area was roped off with caution tape, but a paper printout taped to one of the dangling lines read TEAM TABBY, and featured a rudimentary cartoon cat likely summoned from the clip art collection of some archaic version of Microsoft Word. Wow, just¡ªwow. That whole printout brings me back. I haven¡¯t even seen anyone using comic sans in years and years, and the last time I DID see anyone using that font, it was only in memes specifically making fun of comic sans! They ducked beneath the caution tape and claimed a table, setting down the presents just as Olivia, Clarissa, and Ashlee trooped in. Tabitha had silently volunteered to hold down their group of tables while the other girls went to the rental counter to get fitted for skates, but to her surprise Olivia joined her, scooching into the opposite bench. It was easy to feel like she¡¯d been remiss in getting to know the dark-haired teen, and likewise during the movie Tabitha hadn¡¯t had much of a chance to speak to Clarissa, either. ¡°Heeeyyy,¡± Olivia said, clutching at her stomach. ¡°Gawd, I¡¯m starving.¡± ¡°She¡¯s ordering already,¡± Tabitha said with an apologetic wince. ¡°It¡¯s cool!¡± Olivia flashed a smile. ¡°I¡¯m totally exaggerating.¡± It was hard for Tabitha not to feel relieved¡ªOlivia possessed pretty but unforgiving features, and until the girl actively put on a smile, she looked like an exceptionally pissed off Aubrey Plaza. Without knowing the teen better, her first assumption would have always been that Olivia was upset or angry, and the gap between the impression from her appearance and how nice she actually seemed to be was still something Tabitha struggled with. By comparison, Clarissa over there waiting behind Elena in line at the counter looked somehow¡­ dull. Not dull as in appearing bored or dull as in less interesting, exactly. Rather, she gave off the impression of someone who had been a sharp, lively and vivacious personality, and in the time since then dulled or blunted herself. It was as if someone had taken Clarissa¡¯s Clarissa dial and then turned it down by twenty or thirty percent. It¡¯s probably weirder that Elena went through similar circumstances and just immediately hard-pivoted her life in another direction, Tabitha blinked as the girls added presents to the pile. What¡¯s going on with Clarissa seems like a more normal sort of teen struggle. At the very least, I relate to what Clarissa¡¯s going through a lot more. I¡¯ve definitely been there. Not only have I been there¡ªI friggin¡¯ STAYED THERE, for most of a lifetime. Tabitha didn¡¯t know what to make of Ashlee at all. Ashlee stared out across the roller rink in silence. Probably wondering why she¡¯s here. Unlike the clean slate Tabitha had enjoyed with her other teen friends, with Ashlee there was a definite chasm between them that needed to be carefully addressed before she could even begin making overtures to bridge a new friendship across. To Ashlee, Tabitha wasn¡¯t simply a stranger or a girl she didn¡¯t know well, Tabitha was a usurper, an imposter, a foreign existence with a personality and appearance that were completely alien to her, implausibly masquerading in the identity of someone she¡¯d known well. It¡¯s almost funny. Elena just doesn¡¯t believe I¡¯m from the future¡ªAshlee doesn¡¯t even believe I¡¯m TABITHA MOORE. Again, I don¡¯t know that I can even say that it¡¯s strange she doesn¡¯t believe it. It might be more bizarre that everyone else does.
The Williams arrived with Michael and Bobby, right when two large pizzas were served up at their section of tables. Both pizzas disappeared almost instantly¡ªbefore the Macarena had even reached its second chorus on the Fundome¡¯s sound system, everyone was staring at empty serving platters in disbelief. ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Macintire cleared her throat in embarrassment. ¡°Okay, I underestimated hungry teenagers? Hannah can barely eat two slices before she¡¯s stuffed!¡± ¡°Rookie mistake,¡± Officer Williams laughed. ¡°Matthew¡¯s not even here yet, and he can just about polish off a large pizza by himself!¡± ¡°Sandy¡ªHannah is seven,¡± Mrs. Williams shook her head in amusement. ¡°I¡¯ll go put an order in for four more, to get us started.¡± ¡°Won¡¯t that be too much?¡± Mrs. Macintire still managed to look skeptical. ¡°That seems like a lot.¡± ¡°Not even close,¡± Mrs. Williams snorted. ¡°Once everyone¡¯s here, it¡¯ll be five adults, five children, and ten teenagers. Ten teenagers, Sandy. Even if they had a big buffet here, we¡¯d still clean them out!¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Macintire put her hands on her hips. ¡°Shit.¡± ¡°Ma¡¯am¡ªI, for one, greatly appreciate your foresight and generosity,¡± Bobby put his thumb and forefinger together in the universal ¡®okay¡¯ gesture. ¡°Haven¡¯t eaten in like, three days, practically, and¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªBobby you just had a whole thing of popcorn¡ª¡± Clarissa called him out. ¡°¡ªthanks to you, now I¡¯ll have the strength to be able to skate¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªlike, an hour ago!¡± ¡°Bobby you¡¯re so full of bullshit¡ª¡± ¡°Olivia, you didn¡¯t even eat the crusts from yours!¡± ¡°Alright, alright guys¡ªease up on the swearing. Goes for you too, Sandy.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªMichael always eats my pizza crusts.¡± ¡°Thank you for the pizza anyways, Mrs. Macintire. Your timing was great!¡± ¡°No, you see¡­ popcorn doesn¡¯t count as food, technically.¡± ¡°Yeah, we do really appreciate it. Thank you.¡± ¡°Thank Mrs. Macintire, you heathens.¡± ¡°Thank you Mrs. Macintire!¡± ¡°Yeah, thank you.¡± ¡°Gross Olivia, don¡¯t share food your mouth has been on.¡± ¡°Thank you Missus Macintire!¡± ¡°Yeah, I thought you guys weren¡¯t dating anymore? Right?¡± ¡°Elena, how do you make such a big deal over basically nothing?!¡± ¡°Crusts don¡¯t count as food! It¡¯s like the rind part on a watermelon.¡± ¡°Wait, Macintire? I thought she was Tabitha¡¯s mom.¡± ¡°I¡¯m with Olivia, crust is just bready carbs. Doesn¡¯t even count. Same as popcorn.¡± ¡°Shut up, Bobby, don¡¯t agree with me¡ªnow everyone¡¯ll think my argument is dumb!¡± ¡°Sshh, don¡¯t be weird, damn. She¡¯s just staying with the Macintires.¡± ¡°¡ªWhat¡¯s that supposed to mean?! I¡¯ll have you know I have great arguments¡ª¡± ¡°Shut up, Bobby.¡± ¡°¡ªI¡¯m a master debater¡ª¡± ¡°Gross. Shut up, Bobby.¡± ¡°Alright, alright¡ªclear out, you lot,¡± Officer Williams shooed them all away from the tables. ¡°Go skate, ya bunch of locusts. We¡¯ll have more pizza out for you in a bit.¡± ¡°Sir?¡± Bobby asked, giving the officer a quick jerk of his head as if to indicate something. ¡°Yeah, I know¡ªI think we¡¯re probably good right this second. Olivia and her mother¡¯re here. They can uh, watch the tables for us, for now. Go get your skates, that¡¯s all paid for already.¡± ¡°Yessir.¡± Tabitha found herself to be blushing furiously¡ªbeing part of a group of friends when everyone was having fun and talking over each other was exhilarating. She¡¯d barely got in a word or two, but at the same time she didn¡¯t feel left out at all. With the exception of Tabitha and Olivia, all of the other teens dispersed, with the teenage girls heading right out to the rink and the two boys walking over to the counter to pick up their rental skates. ¡°Are you not skating?¡± Tabitha asked Olivia. ¡°I can¡¯t, really,¡± Olivia smirked. ¡°Twisted my one ankle real bad back in eighth grade, now it resprains itself like, every three months. I¡¯ll do a lap or two around the thing with Michael later, just so I can say I did. Besides, you¡¯re the birthday girl, can¡¯t just have everyone run off, right?¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Thank you. And, sorry to hear about your ankle.¡± ¡°Can you not skate ¡®cause of your cast?¡± Olivia gestured towards Tabitha¡¯s hand. ¡°My ankle¡¯s not even that bad right now, just¡ªyou know, don¡¯t wanna tempt fate and be stuck with the dumb brace again for weeks.¡± ¡°For me it¡¯s the skull fracture and blood clot in brain thing,¡± Tabitha gave a small shrug. ¡°From Halloween. Doctor¡¯s orders: no physical activity for six weeks. I¡¯ve got two to go on that, still.¡± ¡°No shit?¡± Olivia¡¯s eyebrows went up. ¡°Like, I was there and saw it, but I thought you just got knocked out cold, and that was it. No one really knew how bad it was, at school it¡¯s all either kept hush hush, or it¡¯s all these wild stories from people who weren¡¯t even there. You know, on top of all the old wild stories ¡®bout you.¡± ¡°Ahh. Yeah,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°All the rumors. Ugh.¡± ¡°Does it bother you?¡± Olivia asked. ¡°The recovery?¡± Tabitha let out a wistful sigh. ¡°Or, the rumors?¡± ¡°The rumors, I guess,¡± Olivia said. ¡°I first heard about you like, in the first couple weeks of school. New girl in town; she¡¯s rich. Or poor. She¡¯s a lesbo. She¡¯s secretly dating so-and-so. Interested in so-and-so. She got plastic surgery. Liposuction¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m actually,¡± Tabitha had to stop a moment to laugh. ¡°I¡¯m actually not new in town, though? I grew up here. I went to Laurel Middle with Elena!¡± ¡°Eh, you know what I mean,¡± Olivia laughed. ¡°Everyone who didn¡¯t go to Springton Middle might as well be from outer space, and all that. God, that¡¯s all so stupid¡ªall the forced rivalry and shit. That stupid billboard they put up by the one little league field. Springton Bulldogs versus the Laurel Lions! As if podunk town middle school athletics really matters to anyone.¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t seen that one,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°But, I have heard about it? I think they have the high school art club paint that up, and then there¡¯s another wall mural thing they do every year over at one of the elementaries. Alicia, Casey, and Matthew¡ªthey¡¯re all in art club together.¡± ¡°Right, right,¡± Olivia nodded. ¡°I¡¯m goin¡¯ for student gov myself, but next year. It¡¯ll be cool. Are you coming back to Springton High?¡± ¡°I am!¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°I really want to, I¡¯m excited to go back and, well. Try again. Since I somehow made such a mess of it the first time.¡± ¡°Ho boy,¡± Olivia rolled her eyes. ¡°Well, it¡¯ll give everyone somethin¡¯ to talk about, that¡¯s for sure.¡± ¡°I just never understood it,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Why me?¡± ¡°Trust me, it¡¯s always someone, and it¡¯s always stupid nonsense,¡± Olivia said. ¡°Every year it¡¯s like this. Ma said it¡¯s always been like this, like the whole way back to her time. Right, Ma? Ma.¡± ¡°Hm?¡± Mrs. Moreno had been so quiet this whole time that Tabitha hadn¡¯t even registered her presence¡ªthe dark haired woman was sitting alone in one of the booths just outside their Team Tabby area, with a novel. Olivia¡¯s mother looked up at her daughter¡¯s voice and turned towards them, the book in her hands now visible as a steamy romance, complete with a long-haired scoundrel with oiled up muscles clutching a woman in his arms upon the cover. Hah! Nice. Just readin¡¯ a bodice ripper out in public¡ªI like her already. If I had to guess from her looks, Mrs. Moreno is maybe of Spanish Portuguese or Spanish and Jewish descent? While Olivia¡¯s dad must probably be white. ¡°Mom, wasn¡¯t the high school rumor mill all crazy back in your days, too?¡± ¡°In ¡®79?¡± Mrs. Moreno laughed. ¡°Springton High? It was downright Biblical, always has been. We had a suicide my senior year, and there must have been at least three or four real bad accidents¡ªdrunk driving, of course. Girls were getting pregnant, but just swearing up and down they were virgins. History teacher got caught shacking up with a student, he got fired. Amanda Fisher, the student from that? Married him at seventeen, now she teaches history at Springton High. Hah! ¡°That¡¯s not even the half of it. Bunch of seniors beat the gay kid near to death, with all these parents were swearing up and down the gay kid needs kicked out, he was gonna give everyone AIDS¡ªbut, the gay kid¡¯s mom was some well-connected IRS tax lawyer, so surprise! All the local businesses got audited. Total bloodbath. Ask your parents sometime why the Main Street Diner disappeared, they¡¯ll tell you.¡± ¡°Springton secrets!¡± Olivia¡¯s eyes twinkled with mirth. ¡°Oh my,¡± Tabitha was stunned. ¡°I had no idea.¡± ¡°Tabitha here got the brunt of it this year,¡± Olivia explained to her mother. ¡°Showed up shy and pretty and¡ªyeah, I guess that¡¯s all it took?¡± ¡°It was mostly some private issues,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Between me and one of the sophomore girls.¡± ¡°Oh, honey,¡± Mrs. Moreno shook her head. ¡°No such thing as private issues in a small town like this. Everybody knows everybody, everyone hates each other¡¯s guts, and sometimes? This stuff can go back generations. Grudges over the pettiest, most unbelievable nonsense just sorta sticks around forever. But, heck¡ªI shouldn¡¯t have to tell you that, if you¡¯re seein¡¯ it all first hand.¡± ¡°Hah, I um,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°I kind of just stumbled into it all blind? My parents, they¡¯re local, but¡­ there¡¯s all sorts of issues between them and I as well. Would you happen to recognize the name Shannon Delain?¡± ¡°Shannon Delain?¡± Mrs. Moreno¡¯s mouth fell open and she dropped the book she¡¯d been holding up with a thumb flat on the table. ¡°Jesus Christ. I thought there was something familiar about you¡ªyou¡¯re just about the spitting image of her! ¡®Tabitha got the brunt of it this year,¡¯ hah, yeah no kidding!¡± ¡°Was she that bad?!¡± Tabitha squeaked out. ¡°Was who bad?¡± Mrs. Williams asked as she returned to the tables. ¡°Pizza¡¯s ordered! Ten minutes or so, the guy said. Where¡¯d my husband run off to?¡± ¡°This is Shannon Delain¡¯s kid?¡± Mrs. Moreno turned a curious smile towards Mrs. Williams. ¡°I had no idea!¡± ¡°Oh, you stop that,¡± Mrs. Williams swatted the woman¡¯s shoulder. ¡°All of that was forever ago, and I don¡¯t think a word of it was true. And anyways, Tabitha¡¯s nothing like her mother!¡± ¡°Did you¡ª¡± Tabitha felt floored. ¡°Mrs. Williams, did you go to school with my mother?!¡± ¡°Of course not, I grew up in West Point,¡± Karen Williams shook her head in amusement. ¡°West Point Kentucky, not the big New York West Point. I do hear all the Springton gossip, though¡ªand none of that malarkey about your mother¡¯s fit to be repeated to you. It¡¯s all nonsense, anyways. Your mother was very pretty and popular, lots of girls were jealous of her, and your mother wasn¡¯t shy about burning bridges. End of story!¡± ¡°I¡­ yes, I did gather that, somewhat,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°My mother doesn¡¯t like to talk about any of it, though.¡± ¡°Then, let¡¯s just leave it at that,¡± Mrs. Williams gave Mrs. Moreno a warning glance. ¡°No, no, I didn¡¯t have any problems with her,¡± Mrs. Moreno held up her hands. ¡°Shannon¡¯s brother was in my grade, but Shannon herself was two years younger than us. Olivia was just talking about how crazy high school nonsense is these days. I guess nothing much has changed, hah!¡± ¡°My mother has a brother?¡± Tabitha asked, eyes going wide. ¡°I¡­ I had no idea. My whole life that side of my family has just been, well. Absent? I¡¯ve never met or even heard about any of the Delains.¡± ¡°Good Lord,¡± Mrs. Moreno said. ¡°Did¡ª¡± ¡°Shh shh shh,¡± Mrs. Williams cut her off. ¡°None of our business, and some of that¡¯s sensitive! Tabitha, it¡¯s something you can bring up with your parents if you want, when we have dinner with them. Okay hon?¡± ¡°Okay, of course,¡± Tabitha said, exchanging glances with Olivia. ¡°Right! Staying out of it,¡± Mrs. Moreno said. ¡°Happy birthday, Tabitha. You do look just like your mother¡ªand I really do mean it when I say your mother, she was absolutely beautiful.¡± The two older women then settled in for their own conversation at the more distant table, leaving Tabitha and Olivia to stare at each other in surprise for a moment. ¡°Wow,¡± Olivia finally said. ¡°I guess all the bullshit flying around about you makes more sense, now?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha shook her head with a smile. ¡°I doubt it. From what I can tell, none of the people that had beef with my mother even knew she was still in Springton. She¡¯s been¡­ very low profile. Never leaves the house, really.¡± ¡°Huh. Well, anyways¡ªback to what we were talking about earlier,¡± Olivia grinned. ¡°You¡¯re coming back to Springton High, so. What do you think about student government?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± Tabitha said with a sheepish smile. ¡°I really can¡¯t. My mother wants me in theater, my friends want me in art club. I might do both. I might do both and some literature programs, and, look into track, actually. I want to try so many things.¡± ¡°Ugh, art club,¡± Olivia made a face. ¡°I don¡¯t really picture you as a drama club kid, either, honestly. Literature as in like, poetry? I know there¡¯s a poetry club thing. Did you know Elena¡¯s going for cheerleading?¡± ¡°She is?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yep,¡± Olivia nodded. ¡°For the spring tryouts. I think it¡¯s twenty pushups without stopping, and running a ten minute mile, or something like that.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just¡­ surprised,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I thought she was trying to steer clear of all that kind of culture, now.¡± ¡°Oh, I think she¡¯s out to prove some kind of point,¡± Olivia said. ¡°There¡¯s already some fuss about that. One goth cheerleader, in the sea of blonde. Since Springton Cheer is this stupid monolith of sorority solidarity or whatever they think they are. If she makes the team, then¡­ well, that¡¯ll be the new thing that everybody can¡¯t shut up about.¡± ¡°Then¡ª¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°Then, I can drop track and theater and everything but art club, and sign up with her. I can meet whatever physical requirements they have by Spring for sure.¡± ¡°Are you into cheerleading at all?¡± ¡°Not even a little bit!¡± Tabitha laughed, looking up Alicia and Elena began to approach. ¡°But. My friends, they¡¯ve done everything for me, and it always feels like I don¡¯t do anything at all for them. I want to. To be there with them, support them however I can.¡± ¡°Tabs!¡± Alicia called out, carefully clomping her way back across the carpet to them from the rink. ¡°You were right, Elena¡¯s dumb. This is an awesome birthday party thing.¡± ¡°Did you just call me dumb?!¡± Elena strode past Alicia with casual confidence. ¡°You, who doesn¡¯t even know you can just walk normally, on the toe stops? Like this.¡± ¡°The toe brake things? I¡­¡± Alicia trailed off as she carefully maneuvered her weight onto the rubber nubs protruding from the front of her roller skates. ¡°Wow, I am dumb. I halfway thought these were for like, protecting the skates, or making them last longer or something. I tried braking with one, and ¡®bout fell on my face.¡± ¡°Clarissa fell once already,¡± Elena turned to report to Tabitha. ¡°Don¡¯t know if you were watching. She¡¯s okay, we got her back up. Ashlee doesn¡¯t skate with us, she just goes around alone.¡± ¡°Mrs. Macintire can skate backwards,¡± Alicia revealed. ¡°And she¡¯s like, fast. Who knew?¡± ¡°Where are the chuckleheads?¡± Olivia asked, peering out across the mass of people out on the rink. ¡°Bobby¡¯s out there already, Michael¡¯s still messing around with his skates over at the benches, I think,¡± Elena pointed. ¡°Probably doing his stupid relacing thing,¡± Olivia sighed, rising up out of her seat. ¡°I¡¯ll go see.¡± ¡°Are you okay here?¡± Elena asked, taking Olivia¡¯s spot while Alicia staggered around the bench to take the other side. ¡°Tabitha, this is fun, but it¡¯s absolutely not a good birthday thing. Not with everyone out there, and you sitting here.¡± ¡°Elena,¡± Tabitha said in a calm voice, quirking her lip. ¡°Olivia just told me you were signing up for cheerleading?¡± ¡°That rotten bitch,¡± Elena swore. ¡°What?!¡± Alicia exclaimed. ¡°Are you going back to blonde?¡± ¡°No, and I wish everyone would quit asking that,¡± Elena huffed. ¡°If I want to do cheerleading, I¡¯ll do cheerleading. The cliques and subcultures have nothing to do with it.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t they?¡± Alicia wondered out loud. ¡°I mean, they kinda do?¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to be cheery to cheer,¡± Elena sniffed, crossing her arms. ¡°That¡¯s so dumb.¡± ¡°I actually thought you did,¡± Alicia shrugged. ¡°Annnd, I think both the coach and all the girls already in cheer might agree with me?¡± ¡°Well,¡± Tabitha took a moment to collect her thoughts. ¡°Alicia, I¡¯m joining the art club for sure when I come back to Springton High. So¡ª¡± ¡°Yessss!¡± ¡°¡ªSo, Alicia, how do you feel about signing up for varsity cheer with us?¡± ¡°Wait, what?¡± Alicia froze. ¡°Tabitha¡­ you don¡¯t have to do that,¡± Elena said slowly. ¡°Neither of you do. I know you¡¯re not really interested in varsity cheer, because I asked you way back when. Remember?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not interested in cheerleading,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯m very interested in doing things together with my best friends, no matter what form that takes. For that, I¡¯ll be the one art club chick who can¡¯t draw, or the one misfit cheerleader who sucks at cheerleading. I don¡¯t care. Last lifetime I just didn¡¯t try to do much of anything at all, and I really do regret it.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not just drawing,¡± Alicia put on a mock-affronted look. ¡°You could pose for us and be our model, or you could get a sewing machine in there and do that redesigning dresses-into-blouses fashion stuff you¡¯re into. Duh¡ªfashion is art?¡± ¡°She¡¯s¡­ got a really good point,¡± Elena nodded. ¡°We could do that and do extremely well with it. And also¡ªTabitha you wouldn¡¯t suck at cheerleading. Carrie¡¯s going to suck at cheerleading, there¡¯s almost no chance she can pass the physical requirements. I can. You can, for sure. Alicia¡­ maybe can.¡± ¡°I, uh¡­¡± Alicia blanched. ¡°I¡¯m gonna be honest with you, I do not want to be in cheerleading or parade around in front of a big crowd, ever. Sorry, guys. I love you both, buuut¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s okay, too,¡± Tabitha reassured her. ¡°I just wanted to ask. If we do pass tryouts and make it, will you come watch us perform?¡± ¡°Hell yeah?¡± Alicia agreed. ¡°I can definitely do that. In fact, once¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯re back!¡± Olivia announced in a sing-song voice, helping steady Michael as he clomped along beside her in roller skates. ¡°You know, you can walk normally,¡± Alicia pointed out with a smug look. ¡°You¡¯re supposed to use the toe brakes, you just use those to walk like you normally would.¡± ¡°Toe stops,¡± Elena corrected, rolling her eyes dramatically at her friend. ¡°Hah!¡± Olivia¡¯s face lit up and she tugged at Michael¡¯s arm. ¡°...You know what I think they mean?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Toe pick!¡± Olivia taunted, leaning in to give Michael a little kiss on the cheek. ¡°Toe pick! Toe pick!¡± ¡°Oh God no don¡¯t start that again,¡± Michael groaned in horror. ¡°Please. No.¡± ¡°Toe pick!¡± ¡°Um¡­?¡± Tabitha was completely lost. ¡°From that movie with the figure skater lady teaching the hockey player how to skate,¡± Alicia smirked. ¡°I guess hockey skates don¡¯t have toe picks?¡± ¡°Toe pick!¡± Olivia said one last time with glee, giving Michael another small peck. ¡°Alright. Go have fun, get out of here. Don¡¯t want Ma to see me kissing you, if you¡¯re not my boyfriend!¡± The girls all turned to see Mrs. Moreno give Michael a flirtatious teasing wave with wiggling fingers. ¡°Guys,¡± Alicia deadpanned. ¡°I think she knows.¡±
Cotton-eye Joe and Lump gave way to Insane in the Membrane and then Barbie Girl as her friends eventually returned to the rink. The DJ here has some pretty err¡ªECLECTIC?¡ªtaste in music?! From Tabitha¡¯s occasional bemused glances in the direction of the audiovisual equipment stand on the opposite side of the skating area, he appeared to be some mid-twenties guy in a polo and enormous sunglasses. When the sun began to set and the rays were shining nearly horizontal through the glass of the entrance doors, the Fundome¡¯s interior lighting dimmed, and colored spotlights projected bright shapes in pink and blue and green across the floor. A disco ball suspended above the rink lit up, casting hundreds of little lights that lazily spun around the room. The Williams parents wound up retiring to the rear booth where the presents were piled for private conversation, Mrs. Moreno returned to her novel, and Tabitha sat at the booth seat nearest the skate area so that she could watch the revolving mass of people roller skating around. To her surprise, Tabitha didn¡¯t find herself bored or put out at all, because at regular intervals someone or other she knew would get tired of skating and join her for a bit to chat. Clarissa seemed to attach herself to Alicia and Elena and become a mostly quiet third wheel whenever they stopped by, and Tabitha helped Clarissa wrestle her skates off when the girl needed to use the restroom for a bit¡ªthe Fundome wisely prohibited skates in the restrooms. When Tabitha and Olivia decided to wander around exploring the attached arcade area Bobby joined them, towering over the other two girls by an additional inch extra than usual because of the rental skates. ¡°We can get you a whole bunch of quarters, just say the word,¡± Bobby offered. ¡°So you¡¯re not bored, or anything. I mean, it¡¯s your birthday.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Olivia said. ¡°You wanna play air hockey or anything Tabby¡ªI¡¯m terrible at it, so you¡¯ll have some easy wins there.¡± ¡°Maybe a little later, when my little cousins are here,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I¡¯ll go for a little bit of skee ball with them, make sure they¡¯re having lots of fun.¡± Only Mrs. Macintire and Ashlee never took a break back at their booth section or visited¡ªMrs. Macintire seemed to be having a blast and getting into her groove. The woman was grinning and clearly in her element, crossing one skate behind the other when she made turns in a rather elegant fashion and occasionally doing tight spins or switching to casually reverse so that she could skate backwards while exchanging teasing words with the teens in their group. Ashlee, on the other hand, simply skated alone, not making eye-contact with Tabitha or anyone else as she made wide circles around the rink. Eventually Tabitha helped Olivia put on rentals and saw her off at the edge of the carpet, handing her over to Michael so that he could lead her around the very outer periphery of the floor where everyone moved more slowly. Tabitha settled back into her seat, nibbled away at a slice of pizza, and listened with a wry smile as MMm-bop transitioned into Love Shack and then Can¡¯t Touch This and, rather absurdly¡ªthe Mortal Combat theme. The past month or so she¡¯d spent in relative isolation compared to the camaraderie and abject chaos of spending time with a peer group of teenagers, and the sudden juxtaposition of these experiences seemed to shed new light on the evolving shape of Tabitha¡¯s goals and ambitions. She would be returning to high school soon enough, and this time she was prepared to be part of everything rather than consigning herself to be the loner outcast. In just a few months her first few uneasy friendships had become deep, meaningful friendships, Tabitha was meeting new people, and her hopes and dreams for what she wanted to accomplish in this life were growing less abstract and more clearly defined. I¡­ really want to be popular. It wasn¡¯t an easy thing for her to admit, and even now, large parts of her psyche cringed away from the idea. Wasn¡¯t vying for popularity one of the most shallow and self-aggrandizing pursuits imaginable? Didn¡¯t she, of all people, have the perspective and wisdom to acknowledge how farcical and illusory the teenage ¡®in-crowd¡¯ was? Just a scant month or two ago, hadn¡¯t she looked at Springton High¡¯s absurdly convoluted social hierarchy in total face-palming bafflement? Popularity¡ªit was ultimately the pointless indulgence of sheer egotism! Tabitha had always thought that, always known that, but in spite of her own sensibility, she always came back to the hard truth; deep down, she thought all of that, but wanted it anyways. She wanted to be popular. It just¡­ well, it is what it is, Tabitha sighed to herself. It¡¯s a shortcoming. It¡¯s embarrassing, and maybe even a little bit awful. But, when I dwell on it, everything that¡¯s happened¡ªor everything that DIDN¡¯T happen, all the things I wanted to happen, that I wished for, that I LONGED FOR? When I really search my soul, I think maybe my honest desire really is just that kind of superficial. I want to be popular. I don¡¯t like it. But. There it is. Deep down, past all the overthinking I do, trying to reason things out and JUSTIFY everything¡­ the crude emotion-driven animal Tabitha at my center just kinda wants to be popular. Always has, I guess. She wanted to be important, she wanted to be included, loved, accepted, she craved the kind of easy confidence certain social rules seemed to exude. Having shucked off certain misconceptions and learned some hard lessons, Tabitha knew now that it took more than being thin and pretty to magically become popular with people. Some bitter and naive part of her had somehow assumed that once you had the right look, you simply fell into the role of being popular. That people would be drawn to her on the merit of her appearance alone, and that her dream high school experience would then develop naturally from there. The first friend I made here? It wasn¡¯t my stupid obsessive personal makeover that helped connect me to Alicia. In fact, I think being the pretty girl there actually worked AGAINST me, put her on guard, at first. We became friends because I REACHED OUT and tried to be friends with her. Even though it was super awkward and embarrassing. Maybe especially because of that!. At the time, I told myself it was just because I wanted to take advantage of her skills in the future, to have her artwork complement my GOBLIN PRINCESS trilogy. Was I just being opportunistic? Sure. That doesn¡¯t invalidate the genuine friendship that came out of that¡ªElena was likewise just kind of being opportunistic, when she approached me. Now we¡¯ve actually grown close. Of course, that doesn¡¯t mean things will ALWAYS work out so neatly. Elena¡¯s a gem. I¡¯m sure for every Elena I meet, there¡¯ll be a half dozen Carries who would backstab me the moment doing that gave them any sort of advantage. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. A skater near Tabitha side of the floor wobbled after a misstep, threw their arms out in an attempt to regain their balance, and then fell, nearly causing a collision with the people who¡¯d been behind him. Alicia happened to be rolling nearby and the girl made eye contact with Tabitha to exaggerate a wincing grimace and then a grin at the shared sight. Then Alicia followed the curve and resumed on past to skate on by. Isn¡¯t that ironic? I reached out and made a first friend here to satisfy my fixation on GOBLIN PRINCESS. And, why was I always so stuck on GOBLIN PRINCESS? Because accidentally stumbling into writing communities with it brought me to Julie. My story was just this stupid self-therapy attempt at mediating that whole LIFETIME of bitterness and personal issues, but even that was just this pointless hobby thing I did, this HUSK, until Julie started commenting on it like crazy. Julie actually loved it. She¡¯d FELT it. The struggles and feels and emotions I poured into that fiction connected with her, and that just¡ªwell, it shocked me. Someone finally CARED. After I¡¯d already all but given up on that. It really woke me up. Goblin Princess didn¡¯t originally even HAVE a planned ending or anything. It was just supposed to be me finding clever ways to vent out all my grievances. But, once Julie was reading it, suddenly she had to know what happened next¡ªand I think what kept me writing was me wanting to give that to her. The books began as this cry into the dark, and then when they unexpectedly got a response, they became about giving my answer to that response. To her. What started off as rather basic, plodding webfiction gained momentum from that, and once Tabitha was investing her entire self into it, her writing improved beyond her wildest expectations. Goblin Princess began to gain a following as other people fell in love with it, it achieved minor success in one of the fiction site¡¯s toplists. Tabitha eventually published, collecting the chapters into a volume after she signing with an indie publisher. The project wasn¡¯t perfect, but it was hers, it gave her purpose, and the words poured out of her with succinction and wit she never realized she possessed, and she was almost there to completing Goblin Princess as an entire trilogy! Then, Tabitha¡¯s most ardent and supportive fan Julia B. Brittlestar took her own life, and all of the words¡ªthey stopped. I¡¯m going to finish this last book, for Julie, Tabitha had always told herself. Then she would set herself up at her computer, close out any tabs and sign out of her chats so that there were no distractions, she would open up that blank document, and her fingertips would poise over the keyboard. For hours. Fingers at ready position, waiting for the words that never come out. Tabitha knew how the story went, Goblin Princess was outlined in her head. Clever phrasings came to mind, the hooks to draw readers in were ready, and the twists and turns along the way were all there. The words just had no reason to type themselves into existence anymore. There was no point. That wasn¡¯t writer¡¯s BLOCK, that was¡­ that was writer¡¯s STOP, Tabitha hunched her shoulders in at the bitter memories. It was over. Goblin Princess. It wasn¡¯t just a fiction, it was like a conversation, it was me communicating everything I¡¯ve ever felt with someone important to me. When she left, it was¡ªthere was¡ªwhat else was there to say? The person I was saying it to was already gone. The conversation was over. Tabitha of course didn¡¯t simply stare at a blank document for three months, but the document always wound up returning to its blank state. Words were painfully punched letter by letter into the blank document with heavy keystrokes, and then inevitably Tabitha would stare at the sheer pointless futility of each written section with wet, furious eyes for an hour or two. And then hit backspace and hold it down until every last bit deleted itself again. Because what was the fucking point? What was she supposed to do, finish the stupid last book and feel happy about it? Accomplished? Tabitha had fallen in love with writing because of Julia, but maybe if she¡¯d spent a little more time checking in on her friend instead of ignorantly plowing on ahead with her stupid wordcount, Julia would still be alive. Maybe not. Perhaps Tabitha simply wanted to believe that¡ªbecause while Julie was Tabitha¡¯s only real friend, Julie herself had friends everywhere and drama in spades. Friends, enemies, boyfriends, girlfriends, she¡¯d been cheated on and she¡¯d cheated, Julia was an intensely damaged person who carelessly threw herself into everything, determined to try out every painful mistake life had to offer, and then die. Those were Julie¡¯s own words, and Tabitha had always admired the dark humor sort of bravado they contained. Right up until Julie actually just went through with that for real¡ªwords can¡¯t express how much that INFURIATED Tabitha now, VOLUMES of words would be unable to convey the cataclysmic vehemence she felt even remembering that stupid fucking joke. That¡¯s when I lost the narrative, last time through, Tabitha blew out a slow breath of frustration, trying to put herself back in the moment of a birthday night at a roller rink and failing. I got within a horizon of my own core story that defines me, but was just content to hunker down out there in the periphery, and not get further entangled too much in it all. I¡¯d just live my writer hermit quiet life having a fan who meant the world to me, and that would be fine. Wouldn¡¯t need family. Didn¡¯t need lovers, or intimacy. Had no use for self improvement, or self worth. I took the little bits that meant something to me, and kind of just idly put them out there, and when someone validated me, and that was enough. Then Julie was just suddenly GONE, and that made me realize how little the scraps of feeling I¡¯d been writing about even meant in the big greater scheme of things. The story of everything I ever gave a damn about was just abruptly over. And, the worst part about that? I never really grasped much of it, let alone committed much to it. Was just content way out there at that safe distance from everyone, not getting too involved. Her bittersweet musings were mercifully interrupted by a procession of familiar faces walking towards her from the entrance area between the fitting area with its cubbyholes for shoes and the rental counter¡ªthe arrival of the second half of their group. Matthew and Casey were on either side of Hannah, holding the little girl¡¯s hands, and just behind them grandma Laurie and Tabitha¡¯s four cousins followed. It was exactly the interrupting intervention she needed right now to bring her mind back to the moment, and Tabitha gave her friends and family a big wave as her eyes went moist. ¡°Tabitha! Tabitha!¡± Hannah broke free of her chaperones and raced forward to climb directly into Tabitha¡¯s lap. ¡°Tabitha. Where does an eight-hundred pound gorilla sit?¡± ¡°Oof,¡± Tabitha groaned, taking the seven year old by the sides and better situating her on one knee. ¡°Wherever she wants, it looks like?¡± ¡°It¡ªno, not me!¡± Hannah giggled. ¡°An eight-hundred pound gorilla sits wherever it feels like.¡± ¡°Yeah I can tell, she sure does,¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°That¡¯s what I said!¡± ¡°Tabitha!¡± Hannah was exasperated at the delivery of her joke being ruined. ¡°You just don¡¯t get it. You went and saw the boring movie.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha bounced Hannah on her knee. ¡°So, Mighty Joe Young was pretty good?¡± ¡°Yeah, it was good,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°The gorilla Joe, he was really big.¡± ¡°Hi, Casey. Matthew. Boys,¡± Tabitha gave them all a smile and another little wave as they crowded in around the Team Tabby booths. ¡°Hi grandma. Restrooms are just past the arcade, we can get some pizza ordered for the boys while they try on skates.¡± ¡°Hi Tabby.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± ¡°Happy birthday!¡± ¡°Yesss, pizza!¡± ¡°Did you like your movie?¡± Casey asked, sliding into the booth seat across from Tabitha and Hannah. ¡°The Pleasantville one?¡± ¡°I did!¡± Tabitha beamed. ¡°I think we all really enjoyed it.¡± ¡°Eeghhh,¡± Casey made a noise. ¡°All that old timey stuff just really isn¡¯t for me. My mom¡¯s this real big fan of I Love Lucy, and just¡ªbleggh. Not a fan.¡± ¡°Me either,¡± Hannah agreed. ¡°Black and white stuff is all boring.¡± ¡°Mighty Joe Young was pretty good, though,¡± Matthew said, grabbing the edge of the table and swiveling into a partial crouch so that he could use his hip to push Casey further into the booth and have room to sit. ¡°¡®Ey! ¡¯Ey!¡± Casey protested with a laugh, trying to force him back out for a moment before relenting and letting her boyfriend occupy the outside of the bench. ¡°Woooow.¡± ¡°Whoever all did the effects, they did really good,¡± Matthew continued. ¡°Was just as good as the T-rex parts in Jurassic Park. Maybe even better.¡± ¡°Yeah, he looked really real,¡± Hannah agreed with a smug look. ¡°Your cousins thought Joe was real. But he¡¯s not really, he was just special effects.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s movie magic for you,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Are you guys renting skates?¡± ¡°Nope! We brought our own, and we have Hannah¡¯s, too,¡± Casey revealed. ¡°Uhhh, we¡¯ll grab ¡®em change into ¡®em after we eat though¡ªI¡¯m starvin.¡¯¡± ¡°Yeah, same here,¡± Matthew said. ¡°Hannah, are you hungry?¡± ¡°I¡¯m so hungry,¡± Hannah remembered. ¡°I could eat a whole entire pizza. Where¡¯s my Mom?¡± ¡°She¡¯s over there skating,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯ve been watching, she¡¯s really good!¡± ¡°I know,¡± Hannah said. ¡°We¡¯ve roller skated before, she¡¯s even better than dad. Do your cousins know how to roller skate?¡± ¡°Hannah,¡± Tabitha enveloped the competitive little girl in a hug. ¡°I don¡¯t even know how to skate.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Hannah lit up. ¡°C¡¯mon, I can teach you. It¡¯s easy. I¡¯ll show you how.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t!¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Doctor said two more weeks.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah frowned, visibly parsing that remembered restriction and then just as quickly discarding it. ¡°But¡ªit¡¯s your birthday. So, you can skate some.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t this time,¡± Tabitha shook her head again. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Hannah. If I fell and hurt my head, it would be very, very bad.¡± ¡°Like back to the hospital bad?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Back to the hospital bad,¡± Tabitha confirmed. ¡°Or worse.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°We don¡¯t have to skate anyways. There¡¯s an arcade?¡± ¡°I want you to skate and have fun,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯m having lots of fun just having everyone here. You can teach my cousins how to skate, if they don¡¯t know how.¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Hannah paused, as if unsure if she really had to spell out the obvious. ¡°They¡¯re boys.¡± ¡°They are,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°But, they¡¯re my boys. I used to go and look after them a little every now and then, and then when I got hurt, they looked after me a little.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah stared in the direction of the cousins. ¡°Then, that¡¯s different. They are still boys, though.¡± ¡°I held hands with a boy during the movie we went to see!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°A cute boy.¡± ¡°Really? Who?¡± Hannah blinked. ¡°Did you kiss?¡± ¡°No I didn¡¯t kiss! Just held hands. Did those two kiss?¡± Tabitha nodded in the direction of Matthew and Casey. ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah said. ¡°But, only after the movie, when we all came out. ¡®Cause I sat in the middle for the movie. They still bought me Skittles though.¡± ¡°Wait, cute boy¡ªwhat cute boy?¡± Casey grinned. ¡°Who¡¯d you hold hands with? Michael?¡± ¡°Bobby.¡± ¡°Bobby¡¯s not cute, he¡¯s Bobby,¡± Casey groaned. ¡°You held hands with Bobby?!¡± ¡°She¡¯s exaggerating¡ªall of us were holdin¡¯ hands during the movie, it wasn¡¯t romantic or anything,¡± Olivia chimed in, crossing back into the area to sit with them. ¡°I grabbed Elena¡¯s hand, Alicia grabbed Tabitha¡¯s hand, Clarissa and Bobby were holding hands. It was all of us.¡± ¡°So, these other girls were all holding Michael¡¯s hand?¡± Casey arched an eyebrow at Olivia. ¡°No, he was on the far side of us, so he could sadly only hold my hand,¡± Olivia smirked. ¡°Yeah, sadly.¡± ¡°Tragically.¡± ¡°Who¡¯s Michael?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°He¡¯s my friend,¡± Olivia answered. ¡°We¡¯re just friends. We held hands, but just like with Tabitha and them it was just this group thing. We definitely didn¡¯t kiss.¡± ¡°Hmhbbullshit,¡± Mrs. Moreno coughed loudly into her fist, not even looking up from her novel. ¡°Gesundheit!¡± ¡°Oh, thank you hon. My, excuse me.¡± ¡°They wouldn¡¯t stop kissing, it was disgusting,¡± Elena arrived just in time to sneer at Olivia. ¡°They were mashing their faces together and tongue wrestling like, the whole damn movie, I was stuck next to them.¡± ¡°Oh my God ewww¡ªOlivia, what the hell?!¡± Casey burst into laughter. ¡°Did you really?¡± ¡°It was not the whole movie, it was only whenever there was color on screen!¡± Olivia blushed. ¡°Pleasantville was mostly all in black and white!¡±
With some difficulty all of the skaters in their group were recalled back to the Team Tabby booths, where a birthday cake was revealed and a third set of pizzas due to arrive. Gathering a group this sizeable back up again would be difficult, so a rousing¡ªif cringe-inducing¡ªround of Happy Birthday was sung while Tabitha tried to hide a wince by plastering a rigid smile overtop of it, and then Mrs. Williams insisted Tabitha begin opening presents. ¡°Open mine first,¡± Elena insisted. ¡°Then you can do Alicia¡¯s, and go through everyone else¡¯s.¡± ¡°Save mine for last, actually,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°Mine¡¯s¡ªleave mine for like, the finale. I actually don¡¯t even know if you¡¯ll love it or hate it.¡± The gift from Elena appeared to be stored in a shoebox, and as Tabitha tore the wrapping paper and then opened the box¡ªshe realized that it wasn¡¯t something else simply stored in a shoebox that happened to be handy. This was really a shoebox. A snazzy brand new pair of women¡¯s Nike Air Maxes were nestled inside. They were blue with wavy white lines somewhat reminiscent of stylized water ripples, radiating back from the toe of the shoe up its sides. Tabitha loved them immediately! She would be running soon again, and her old sneakers were falling apart despite her re-gluing the tread on them and careful attempts to clean them. ¡°They¡¯re beautiful!¡± Tabitha beamed, pulling one out of the stuffing paper to examine it in her hands. ¡°Oh, wow!¡± Mrs. Williams gushed. ¡°Those look so nice!¡± ¡°Nice! Nikes,¡± Alicia approved, turning to explain for the benefit of the rest of the crowd. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s a runner, she used to run like, all the time.¡± ¡°Really? Sweet,¡± Casey exclaimed. ¡°You ever wanna go running some morning, I¡¯m your gal. Those are super nice, too. Wow.¡± The athletic shoe was still a bit stiff, but it was pristine and even had that new shoe smell. Tabitha had of course owned running shoes late in life, but those weren¡¯t the same at all, and they certainly hadn¡¯t been cute high-end ones from a name brand, either. ¡°I love them,¡± Tabitha turned to Elena. ¡°Thank you! I love them. I promise I¡¯ll use them just for running, and wear my old gross shoes for on the playground.¡± ¡°Use them wherever you like,¡± Elena said. ¡°I¡¯m glad you like them. Whenever you¡¯re cleared for physical activity again, I want to run with you too, if that¡¯s okay. It can be you, me, and Casey?¡± ¡°Hell yeah!¡± Casey leaned past Matthew to give Elena a high five. ¡°Damn, awesome.¡± ¡°Alright¡ªmine next, c¡¯mon,¡± Bobby insisted, passing Tabitha a small oblong box wrapped in newspaper. ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha flashed him a smile. ¡°And, thank you. You really didn¡¯t have to get me anything!¡± ¡°Might not be the biggest or most expensive or anything, but it¡¯s definitely the coolest present,¡± Bobby said with confidence. ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t think so,¡± Alicia challenged. ¡°We¡¯ll see about that.¡± The video tape wasn¡¯t well-wrapped, so rather than tear it open Tabitha simply slipped a finger beneath a piece of tape and unfolded it out to reveal a VHS copy of Willow, a sword and sorcery movie from the eighties she vaguely remembered seeing bits of on TV once. The box art was in tasteful white and red, with the painted renditions of the main cast featured on the front, and to Tabitha¡¯s surprise¡ªthe tape was still sealed in plastic, apparently in mint condition. ¡°It¡¯s Willow¡ªlike, one of my favorite movies of all time,¡± Bobby explained at seeing her curious look. ¡°Has Madmartigan, has Sorsha, this super badass redhead chick who¡ª ¡°Ahem, I think you mean ¡®kick-butt¡¯ redhead chick,¡± Mrs. Williams corrected his swear with a wry glance at all the children present. ¡°He said a bad word,¡± Hannah observed, shaking her little head in dismay at the apparent lack of decorum teenagers possessed these days. ¡°Uhhh yeah right, this kick-butt redhead chick, and¡ªyeah, I really hope you like it,¡± Bobby nodded. ¡°My brother and I have the VHS copy we grew up with, I had to buy this one when I found it. S¡¯been perched on top of the TV in my room since then, just kinda on display. But, you¡¯re a uh, kick-butt redhead, so. Happy birthday!¡± ¡°Thank you, Bobby,¡± Tabitha flipped it over in her hands again. ¡°We¡¯ll¡­ have to watch it together sometime.¡± ¡°Ohhhhhhh!¡± Olivia jeered. ¡°Nice,¡± Casey offered a high five. ¡°You guys¡¯ll all love it too, trust me,¡± Bobby addressed Tabitha¡¯s cousins. ¡°We seriously should all watch it sometime. It¡¯s one of the best movies ever.¡± ¡°That sounds good,¡± Tabitha said, setting the video down on the table so she could return Casey¡¯s high five with her good hand. ¡°We¡¯ll have to make a date sometime.¡± ¡°Ohhhhhhhhh!!¡± This time Alicia, Michael, and two of the cousins all joined in on Olivia¡¯s heckling. ¡°Very funny, guys,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°Thank you, Bobby.¡± ¡°Who¡¯s next?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°Me me me!¡± Olivia jumped in with a larger flat box. ¡°This is from Michael and I. So. I want to say¡ªfirst of all, thank you for inviting us. I know we don¡¯t know you super well, yet, but we¡¯d like to, you seem super cool. Ever since that night at the Halloween party, we talk about you all the time, annnd, yeah. I want to count you among my friends. Thank you.¡± ¡°Ey ey ey, no speeches!¡± Alicia griped. ¡°Now the rest of us¡¯ll have to figure out stuff to say!¡± ¡°No, thank you for coming, Olivia! Michael,¡± Tabitha gratefully accepted the box. ¡°Both of you. And, thank you so much for saving me.¡± ¡°Should¡¯ve jumped up sooner,¡± Michael winced. ¡°It just¡ªit all happened so fast¡­¡± ¡°No¡ªthank you,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°You probably saved my life.¡± ¡°Open it up, Tabby!¡± Hannah was exasperated with all of their pontificating at each other. ¡°It¡¯s¡ª¡± Tabitha began to tear the wrapping. ¡°A lotion set? Oh, Burt¡¯s Bees¡ªthank you!¡± ¡°I should have guessed,¡± Elena shot Olivia an accusing look. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s just. I fell in love with their lotion, skin gets dry in December, and¡­ yeah. Happy birthday.¡± ¡°Thank you!¡± ¡°Clarissa?¡± Olivia prompted. ¡°Uh, yeah,¡± Clarissa put forward a wrapped disk case. ¡°Happy birthday, Tabitha.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha leaned over the table to accept it. Unlike the others thus far, this CD case was wrapped extremely securely, with every remaining edge of wrapping paper taped down. After an embarrassing moment trying to find enough purchase to create slack in the paper to tear, Tabitha sheepishly gave up and allowed Hannah to come forward to assist her in opening it. She was getting better and better at using the slightly exposed digits of her cast hand over the months, but some things were still too difficult to manage for her. ¡°Jesus, Clarissa,¡± Alicia pursed her lips. ¡°Sorry, sorry¡ªif you want, I can get it,¡± Clarissa apologized. ¡°I¡¯m always afraid it¡¯ll come open accidentally and I uh, I used too much tape. Sorry.¡± ¡°We did the same thing for Matthew¡¯s Christmas presents last year,¡± Officer Williams chimed in. ¡°Went nuts on the one with duct tape, just so he¡¯d have a time gettin¡¯ it open.¡± ¡°Yeah, thanks,¡± Matthew rolled his eyes. ¡°Just you wait ¡®til Christmas this year.¡± ¡°I got it!¡± Hannah announced, quickly ripping the paper away and passing the gift back to Tabitha. ¡°Oh, thank you Hannah Banana!¡± Tabitha praised, taking a look at the CD case. ¡°What is it?¡± Alicia prodded. ¡°Oh, wow,¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyebrows went up and she flashed a smile. ¡°This is¡­ Britney Spears?¡± ¡°She¡¯s really popular,¡± Clarissa hurried to explain. ¡°She¡¯s already on the radio a lot. I really like her, and uh, and I thought¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of her,¡± Alicia remarked. ¡°What does she sing?¡± Olivia asked. ¡°Well, okay she¡¯s not that popular yet, but she¡¯s going to be,¡± Clarissa conceded. ¡°The one she sings is, is um¡ª¡± ¡°Britney Spears?¡± Bobby repeated. ¡°I¡¯ve heard of her, yeah,¡± Elena said. ¡°Thank you, Clarissa,¡± Tabitha reassured the girl. ¡°I¡¯m surprised! I just didn¡¯t recognize her from this picture at first, I don¡¯t know that I¡¯ve ever seen her with bangs. And, I thought her album wasn¡¯t out until sometime next year!¡± ¡°You know Britney Spears?!¡± Clarissa sagged with relief. ¡°Cool! Awesome. And uh, yeah, you¡¯re right, sorry. Her actual album isn¡¯t out until January, this is just her first single. It¡¯s got an extra song on it though, if you um, if you flip the CD over, there¡¯s a B side. I thought that was cool.¡± ¡°What does she sing?¡± Olivia asked again. ¡°She¡¯s on the radio?¡± ¡°Baby One More Time is on this one,¡± Tabitha tapped the CD case. ¡°That¡¯s her real big hit, right now. But, Britney¡¯s great¡ªshe also sings Toxic, and Oops I did it again. She sings Lucky,¡ªthat one¡¯s my favorite¡ªshe sings You Drive Me Crazy. She¡¯s the princess of pop music; Britney Spears.¡± ¡°Uh, wow,¡± Clarissa froze, her brows furrowing for a second at unfamiliar song titles. ¡°Had no idea you were already a big fan! Do you have this single already?¡± ¡°Okay, she does that hit me baby one more time one,¡± Bobby nodded. ¡°Yeah, that does play all the time, now.¡± ¡°Right, okay,¡± Olivia nodded in understanding. ¡°Everyone¡¯s heard that one. Britney Spears, I knew that.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t already have it!¡± Tabitha answered Clarissa. ¡°I, uh, I actually don¡¯t even have a CD player just yet¡ª¡± ¡°Aha!¡± Mrs. Macintire interrupted with a triumphant fist-pump. ¡°I knew it, perfect timing! Hannah Manana, if you would do the honors?¡± ¡°This one, this one!¡± Hannah exclaimed, foisting a much larger present as well as another CD-shaped gift towards Tabitha. ¡°This one and this one, these two are from mom and me!¡± ¡°Aw, thank you both,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Let¡¯s see¡ªoh, this one opened much easier.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Clarissa winced. ¡°I¡¯ve got¡­ Classic Disney Volume Five!¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Yeah¡ªsorry,¡± Mrs. Macintire winced too. ¡°It¡¯s got the Mulan songs on it,¡± Hannah jumped up and down. ¡°And, a buncha other good ones too, though. We went through the list and checked. They¡¯re all really good.¡± ¡°Thank you, Hannah,¡± Tabitha set it aside so that she could open up her arms for a hug. ¡°Hug, hug.¡± ¡°Happy birthday!¡± Hannah cried out, lunging in for a hug that was more of a tackle. ¡°Happy birthday.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll listen to it together as soon as I can find a CD player,¡± Tabitha promised with a knowing smile. ¡°Really?¡± Hannah lit up, dropping back out of the hug and grabbing up the larger gift again and pushing it into Tabitha¡¯s lap. ¡°This one next, this one next!¡± ¡°Hmm, I wonder what this could be?¡± Tabitha pondered out loud, cradling the box on her knees so that she could tear the gift wrapping open along one side. ¡°It¡¯s! A Sony Discman personal CD player with mega bass!¡± ¡°And, it comes with headphones!¡± Hannah reported, helping peel back the paper to point at the image on the box. ¡°So, you can listen to it even when you¡¯re out somewhere. Anywhere!¡± ¡°Thank you so much, Hannah,¡± Tabitha struggled to give the girl another hug over the box situated in her lap. ¡°Thank you, Mrs. Macintire. Was it¡­ expensive?¡± ¡°Not at all!¡± Sandra answered with a smirk. ¡°Cheaper than me gettin¡¯ a new husband.¡± ¡°Hah!¡± Officer Williams barked out, actually slapping his thigh at hearing that. ¡°Oh, stop,¡± Mrs. Williams scolded him, then turning to purse her lips at the other mother. ¡°Sandy, that¡¯s not even funny!¡± ¡°It¡¯s a little funny,¡± Hannah raised a shrug. ¡°It is not!¡± ¡°I thought it was funny,¡± Matthew said. ¡°You¡¯re all just awful,¡± Mrs. Williams smiled and shook her head in dismay. ¡°Tabitha honey, here¡ªthis one¡¯s from me.¡± ¡°Ahem ahem,¡± Officer Williams fake-coughed. ¡°This one¡¯s from me ¡®and my husband,¡¯¡± Mrs. Williams corrected herself with a roll of her eyes and air quotation marks with her fingers. ¡°Right¡ªit¡¯s from both of us,¡± Officer Williams laughed. ¡°Happy birthday.¡± Tabitha unwrapped this one to discover it was a book; Message in a Bottle, by Nicholas Sparks. Though she recognized the author as the one who¡¯d written The Notebook, Tabitha had somehow never even heard of this one, and her interest was piqued. ¡°I just finished my copy myself, I hope you like it, dear,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°I picked it out, my awful husband just paid for it¡ªas if that deserves any credit.¡± ¡°Yes, good book, good book,¡± Officer Williams nodded to himself in a self-satisfied way. ¡°Great book, even. Loved it. Couldn¡¯t put it down.¡± ¡°Oh, stop,¡± Mrs. Williams swatted him. ¡°Or I will make you read it.¡± ¡°Thank you both,¡± Tabitha smiled up at them. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to read it.¡± ¡°Who¡¯s next?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°Ashlee?¡± ¡°Sure,¡± Ashlee responded. The quiet girl had been standing off to the side almost out of notice until pointed out, and she hefted up the gift bag she¡¯d brought and then offered it forward so that someone could relay it over. Elena obliged, passing it across the table and setting it in front of Tabitha. Hannah slid out of Tabitha¡¯s lap, allowing her enough space to lean forward and peek inside. Wrapping paper was pulled out, to reveal a patterned cotton handbag with a teddy bear situated inside it. ¡°Oh! Thank you,¡± Tabitha said, pulling out the purse so that everyone could see. ¡°It¡¯s a cute purse. Thank you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s lovely!¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°That looks like¡ªis that a Vera Bradley? And a little bear! Miss Tabby needed herself a nice purse!¡± ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s Vera Bradley,¡± Ashlee nodded in confirmation. ¡°The bear¡¯s name is Peefy Poofy.¡± While vaguely aware of the different fashion handbags from her previous life, they had never been one of Tabitha¡¯s interests and she¡¯d never possessed a branded one herself. She¡¯d never seen the need¡ªa simple brown Walmart crossbody bag of pleather and fabric served her just fine for an entire decade. Whenever she did need to replace it, she¡¯d just picked out a similar-looking one, so that it was always familiar. In this life, there had been a planned DIY purse project on her list of things to do, using the leftover jean scraps from making her bookbag for school¡ªbut as the months wore on, Tabitha spent less time experimenting designs with her grandmother, and more time playing with her cousins whenever she went over there. This purse was quilted blue cotton with a pattern of¡­ well, Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how one would even go about describing the pattern. A motley assortment of tiny repeating paisley shapes, amid a series of rings? The details were sharp, but seemed more random noise than any kind of intentional look. She found it reminiscent of those colorful stereograms that hid three dimensional images in them if you stared long enough. It had plenty of pockets however, lots of zippers, a long strap that would have the purse hang down to just above her waist, and the seams and stitching were all tight and neat. ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said again. ¡°Peefy Poofy? Hah, well he¡¯s just adorable,¡± Mrs. Williams praised. ¡°I love the bag!¡± Something about the bear¡¯s name tickled in Tabitha¡¯s memory in an unpleasant way, but even after examining the little guy she was unable to put words to what was bothering her. He was tan-colored, small but not too small, made of something tousled and fluffy like mohair, and featured charming but somehow somber dark eyes and a little dark nose. ¡°Here,¡± Grandma Laurie spoke up, looking a little ashamed as she passed over an envelope. ¡°This is from me and the boys.¡± The four young cousins had all fallen uncharacteristically silent, and when Tabitha saw their wide-eyed expressions she realized that the presents she¡¯d gotten from everyone thus far were already an unbelievable bounty, by Moore family norms. The pension Grandma Laurie received was generous enough for her to live comfortably on, but stretched dangerously thin while she was supporting the four boys. Birthday presents for them were at most an action figure or two, and during Christmas-time the cousins generally received gifts meant to be shared between all four of them, like a new game for their dad¡¯s Nintendo 64, rather than a bunch of individual presents. Tabitha carefully unsealed the envelope and drew out a tasteful Happy Birthday card with a photo of a kitten, which had been signed by Grandma Laurie and each of the boys. ¡°¡®Wherever the year ahead takes you, I hope it''s happy. The day is all yours¡ªhave fun!¡¯¡± Tabitha read the printed text within the card out loud, using her thumb to ensure that the included ten dollar bill didn¡¯t slide out onto the floor. ¡°Happy birthday, dear.¡± ¡°Happy birthday!¡± ¡°Yeah, happy birthday.¡± ¡°Happy birthday.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha managed, struggling not to tear up. ¡°Thank you.¡± She wanted to give the ten dollars back to Grandma Laurie, so that she could instead put it towards the boys¡¯ Christmas presents, or to help get them better snacks for school, or¡ªanything. But, she didn¡¯t want to insult the woman. It was a stark reminder of how much her circumstances had changed in the past months, and how much more she needed to do for the boys, Grandma Laurie, and even her parents. Tabitha was now living the high life with well-to-do friends, but the family she¡¯d left behind was still in abject poverty. ¡°Is that everyone?!¡± Alicia asked, hefting the package she had for Tabitha with anticipation. ¡°Wait wait!¡± Casey interjected, producing a small white box that she was careful to keep level. ¡°This one¡¯s from Matthew and I. I um, we weren¡¯t quite sure what to get you, since we didn¡¯t know if you¡¯d even be into sports stuff or Nintendo stuff or anything. So! We went up and down everywhere and canvassed the whole town last weekend, until we found the absolutely perfect gift that just spoke to us, and¡ªthis is it.¡± Matthew took the box from Casey and brought it around the table to place it in front of Tabitha. Rather than wrapping paper, the white box was in two parts, and after slipping the tabs out, Matthew was able to pull the top portion off to reveal their gift for her. ¡°Ohh wow!¡± Tabitha exclaimed. ¡°It¡¯s adorable!¡± ¡°It¡¯s a little cactus!¡± Hannah said, immediately reaching up to touch it. ¡°Hannah, no,¡± Matthew swatted her finger away. ¡°Sharp, Hannah.¡± ¡°Awww, that¡¯s cute!¡± Olivia gushed. ¡°You got her a cactus?¡± Mrs. Williams rolled her eyes again. ¡°She¡¯s a thelocactus and her name is Barb,¡± Casey announced with a little too much pride. ¡°She¡¯s prickly, Hannah, so, you¡¯ve gotta give her her personal space.¡± Barb was a squat and bulbous off-green cactus about the size of a tennis ball, and sat in a small plant pot. While she was positively fuzzy with spiny needles, she was also adorned with a tiny pink flower that canted to one side like a lopsided little hat. Paradoxically, it was so cute that Tabitha immediately felt the urge to pick it up and squeeze it¡ªyet common sense insisted she instead only admire it from a safe distance. She could immediately tell why Casey had decided this was the one. ¡°I love her, she¡¯s amazing,¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°Thank you. She¡¯s perfect.¡± ¡°The little paper slip¡¯s there with the box, but you basically just have to make sure you don¡¯t over-water her,¡± Matthew explained. ¡°Just give her lots of sunlight, and she¡¯ll be happy.¡± ¡°I will,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°I¡¯m gonna give her all the sunlight.¡± ¡°Can I touch her?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°She¡¯s a little shy with so many people around, so¡ªwhy don¡¯t we put her back in her box and get her home, and then later we can find her the best spot together and you can very carefully touch her. How¡¯s that sound?¡± ¡°Okaaay,¡± Hannah deflated as she watched Matthew carefully put the top of the box back over Barb. ¡°She¡¯s really cool, though. She¡¯s got all those little needles.¡± ¡°Barbs,¡± Casey corrected. ¡°Not needles, barbs. Barb¡¯s barbs!¡± ¡°Cool cool cool,¡± Alicia all but bounced in place. ¡°My turn now?!¡± ¡°It looks like it,¡± Tabitha smiled across the spread of opened gifts in search of anything that might have been forgotten. ¡°I think so, yeah.¡± ¡°Okay, cool, here,¡± Alicia presented the box with a nervous smile. ¡°It¡¯s dumb and uh, it won¡¯t even make sense to anyone, but. I hope you like it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m excited!¡± Tabitha said as she took the gift and cradled it between her cast and her good hand. ¡°I¡¯ll love it.¡± ¡°Here,¡± Hannah offered her assistance, making room on the table edge for Tabitha to place it down. The lid was carefully lifted up and out of the way, and¡ªTabitha stared at the shape of a model fighter jet with a bewildered smile for a moment. Then, the very instant her brain registered what exactly it was she was seeing and recognition dawned, her chest tightened and every nerve seemed to grow taut. The shape of the F-22 nestled in gift paper dissolved into a colored blob as her eyes filled again with tears, and her breath hitched in her throat. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. I¡¯m okay. I¡¯m okay. I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m not okay, am I? I¡¯m¡ªis this¡ªam I hyperventilating? Is¡ªthis can¡¯t be real. Is none of this real? Is this all just a¡ª? ¡°Tabitha?¡± ¡°Well¡ªwhat is it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s, it looks like a little fighter jet?¡± ¡°Is she okay?¡± ¡°Tabby, honey?¡± ¡°Alicia, what the hell is it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s um,¡± Alicia choked out. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Tabitha! I thought¡ªI really wasn¡¯t thinking. I thought it¡¯d be cool. I¡¯m sorry. It¡¯s, it was¡ªit¡¯s from your thing. I went and uh, I looked it up, and. I thought it¡¯d be cool but oh my God it¡¯s actually a terrible present isn¡¯t it? I¡¯m so so sorry¡ª¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha quickly shook her head as she fought to wipe away tears. ¡°No, it¡¯s. It¡¯s wonderful?¡± ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a fighter jet,¡± Casey explained, cocking her head in confusion for a moment before leveling a stare at Alicia. ¡°From a model kit thing.¡± ¡°Y-yeah, basically,¡± Alicia winced. ¡°It, um¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s a Lockheed Martin F-22 raptor,¡± Tabitha sniffled, covering her face. ¡°The fifth-generation twin-engine, all-weather¡­ stealth tactical fighter aircraft.¡± ¡°Oh, wow,¡± Olivia remarked, looking around. ¡°Michael¡ªdid you recognize it?¡± ¡°You recognized it,¡± Alicia seemed to still be frozen with tension. ¡°It¡¯s from¡ªyeah. Is it a bad present?¡± ¡°No, no, I love it,¡± Tabitha quickly assured her as she gently scooped up the model from the paper packed in around it. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªreally, it¡¯s beautiful. Thank you. Just. For a split second there, it almost gave me a heart attack. Because, I don¡¯t, um, didn¡¯t think this even exists, yet! I thought¡ªI thought maybe that meant none of this was real? This whole¡­ day, this whole night? It¡¯s silly.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a toy jet?¡± Samuel spoke up. Everyone seemed confused by this gift and the reaction it elicited, but with Tabitha being able to identify the make and model in such detail, there was at the very least some sort of assumed connection they just weren¡¯t able to see yet. ¡°Right when¡­ this happened,¡± Tabitha raised her cast up, ¡°that night afterwards with the medications, I had a fever dream. For that and a little while afterwards, it¡¯s like I¡¯d have these nightmares where my brain was just this soup of trauma and horrible things, and¡ªand then there was also this F-22 I think I was building. I don¡¯t know what it represented, exactly, but it¡¯s like I had this scrapyard and machine shop, I was taking things I know from the future and things I¡¯ve learned from the past and just hoping to¡ªto make something out of it all. So that it could. Get me somewhere. Someday. It¡¯s complicated.¡± ¡°Things you know from the future?¡± Elena asked with an arched eyebrow, glancing around all the gathered people. ¡°Y-yeah, it¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s complicated,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°What I mean is. Things I imagine for the future, I guess.¡± ¡°I think I get it,¡± Mrs. Williams nodded. ¡°Well, it does look very nice! Alicia, did you make this from a little kit?¡± ¡°I uh, yeah, I did,¡± Alicia flushed. ¡°It uh, it was a bunch of little unpainted pieces. I got them all together right and uh, if you look inside the little cockpit canopy I tried to make it like it¡¯s a little Tabitha in there?¡± ¡°Oh wow!¡± Tabitha peered close. ¡°I didn¡¯t even see that, at first. How did you¡ª? It¡¯s incredible, Alicia. It¡¯s¡ªwow. I¡¯m sorry I uh, I was so startled there at first! I just, I really did not expect at all that F-22s really existed yet. Let alone that there¡¯s little models already!¡± ¡°It¡¯s, um, they don¡¯t, sorta?¡± Alicia said. ¡°I searched and searched, and it might not be exactly the same as whatever you saw. This is technically from the YF-22 lightning, it¡¯s an um, it¡¯s kind of like a prototype sorta thing the military has going. What did you call it?¡± ¡°I know it as the F-22 raptor,¡± Tabitha said, increasingly awed and enamored with the little model as she carefully turned it over in front of her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s just like this though, it looks exactly the same. The same shape and the same design, I think. It¡¯s amazing! It¡¯s amazing, and I love it. Thank, you, Alicia. This is the best.¡± ¡°I¡¯m surprised!¡± Casey narrowed her eyes at Alicia in suspicion. ¡°I¡¯d thought for sure Alicia was gonna draw you somethin¡¯, like that she had something framed. Definitely didn¡¯t think it was this.¡± ¡°Hah,¡± Alicia let out a nervous laugh. ¡°Casey uh, helped. She drove me out to the place that had the model kit in stock.¡± ¡°Then, thank you, too,¡± Tabitha grinned up at them before turning to her cousins. ¡°Boys? What do you think?¡± ¡°Can you play with it?¡± Nicholas asked. ¡°Or is it too like, fragile?¡± ¡°I think¡­ I¡¯m going to display it,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Have it right there next to Barb so that I can admire it whenever I please. Just look over and see something from straight out of my dreams, made manifest into real life. Alicia¡ªit really does mean the world to me that you weren¡¯t just listening to me when I gave you that whole long rambling story about it, but you were, like. Listening. Thank you.¡± ¡°No problem!¡± Alicia said, finally looking relieved. ¡°I¡¯m just glad you¡¯re okay with it.¡± ¡°I love it!¡±
The cake was chocolate and vanilla batter with a cookie crumble layer and topped off with positively decadent buttercreme icing, and just as Mrs. Williams predicted¡ªfive children and ten teenagers demolished pizza after pizza after pizza like a starving pack of wolves. With obvious reluctance, Hannah was separated from Tabitha so that Mrs. Macintire could lead her around the rink. Casey and Matthew were then given an opportunity to spend alone time with each other, and Bobby took it upon himself to race around chasing and being chased by Tabitha¡¯s cousins. It was a lot of fun, maybe more fun than she¡¯d ever had, and Tabitha wasn¡¯t even out there with them. She passed torn wrapping paper to Alicia and Elena to ferry to the nearest trash can, they tidied up their tables a little bit, and then let Mrs. Moreno and the Williams hold down the fort so they could wander over and play a bit of skee ball. It turned out all three of them were pretty good at it, but after moseying across and playing more than half of the arcade cabinets and watching most of their quarters¡ªElena had something to say. ¡°Look, I¡¯m just saying¡ªboth of you need to be a lot more careful,¡± Elena warned, turning a look of irritation from Alicia to Tabitha and back again. ¡°Tabitha, you need to watch what you say when a whole bunch of people are around, and Alicia¡ªwhat the hell were you even thinking? How were you going to explain the meaning behind your present without basically outing Tabitha? Huh?¡± ¡°Uhhh¡ª¡± Alicia blanched. ¡°I thought since it was just from her dream basically, that¡ª¡± ¡°Elena, you don¡¯t even believe I¡¯m from the future,¡± Tabitha protested. ¡°Not really. So, what does it matter?¡± ¡°No, I don¡¯t believe it, as much as I would really like to,¡± Elena scowled. ¡°But, if there¡¯s any tiny remote chance at all you are, you need to keep it absolutely secret, duh. There¡¯s this little thing called information security?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve thought about that a lot, and my conclusion is¡ªthat it really doesn¡¯t matter,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Because, no one would believe I¡¯m from the future anyways. I¡¯m a teenage girl, they¡¯ll just chalk it up to overactive imagination or need to stand out and feel special, or something. If anyone ever seriously presses me on it, well, the government''s not going to whisk me away to a lab to interrogate or dissect me, Elena. Worst comes to worst, I fall back on ¡®oh I was just making it all up,¡¯ and everyone¡¯s going to be like ¡®yeah, that makes way more sense than literal time travel.¡¯ Me not being able to prove it to you guys also means that no one dangerous to me would be able to prove it, either. Right?¡± ¡°What¡¯s goin¡¯ on?¡± Casey asked, wobbling over towards them on her skates. ¡°I¡¯m from the future,¡± Tabitha said with a chuckle. ¡°Elena thinks I need to be more careful and not let that slip out.¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Elena hissed. ¡°Would you just stop? Either way, that¡¯s not fucking funny. And, it¡¯s not that simple.¡± ¡°Oh, cool,¡± Casey steadied herself on Alicia¡¯s shoulder. ¡°What¡¯s it like in the future? No, wait. Don¡¯t tell me¡ªI wanna find out for myself.¡± ¡°I¡¯m more comfortable with it circulating as if it was an inside joke or something,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Rather than being stressed and paranoid all the time about trying to keep everything secret, worrying about who¡¯s starting to figure out what, freaking out over people asking questions I can¡¯t answer without revealing the truth.¡± ¡°I¡¯m serious,¡± Elena continued. ¡°Talk about this with one of us, or talk to an adult you can trust, or a therapist if they can get you one. Or, if by some crazy impossible chance you really are from the future, don¡¯t ever tell anyone. Ever.¡± ¡°Wait, like, is this serious?¡± Casey held up her hands. ¡°¡®Cause if this is serious talk, I¡¯ll just roll back the way I came from. I thought¡ªI dunno, I thought you guys were getting upset or arguing or whatever, and I wanted to just come over and defuse some of that. Matthew and I were supposed to keep an eye on you so nothing crazy happens like last party. If this is serious shit that¡¯s not for my ears, I¡¯ll stay out of it?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± Elena warned again. ¡°I¡¯m from the future, I can¡¯t reliably prove it, and I don¡¯t care if no one believes me,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯m not going to hide it, but I¡¯m not going to go out of my way to broadcast it, either, or anything. It¡¯s just this weird thing I¡¯m going through, and to me it¡¯s completely okay if people who¡¯re close to me are aware. Alright? Not worth getting worked up over after all. Not anymore. I¡¯ve even been trying to breadcrumb in little hints to certain people, so that someday they¡¯ll have a chance of actually believing me.¡± ¡°I believe you,¡± Alicia frowned. ¡°Like, you¡¯re seriously from the future?¡± Casey blinked. ¡°How? When, how far?¡± ¡°She¡¯s not from the future,¡± Elena insisted. ¡°Not really.¡± ¡°She¡¯s from the future,¡± Alicia argued, crossing her arms. ¡°She¡¯s proved it to me, at least. She knew something no one else ever could¡¯ve known.¡± ¡°They¡¯re both right, at this point,¡± Tabitha said with a sigh. ¡°The changes I¡¯ve made already prevent the future I knew from playing out exactly that same way. What I do have is knowledge and memories from this¡­ hypothetical divergent future that will no longer come to pass.¡± ¡°Like, no bullshit?¡± Casey asked. ¡°Are you being dead serious? If you¡¯re not, say sike right now. Because if you tell me stuff like that, I¡¯m gonna believe you.¡± ¡°No, she¡¯s not being seriou¡ª¡± Elena started. ¡°She is, and it¡¯s completely for real,¡± Alicia interrupted. ¡°Say sike right now,¡± Casey said. ¡°Seriously?¡± ¡°¡ªbut either way, can you just not say anything about it to anyone?¡± Elena asked Casey, at the same time cuffing Alicia on the shoulder. ¡°This doesn¡¯t need to be spread around. In my opinion, Tabitha thinks she¡¯s from the future, because of traumatic circumstances that her mind needs to put together in a different way. To better cope with things. I don¡¯t want everyone talking about this or this getting around, because people will just call her crazy, when she¡¯s not crazy. It¡¯s just a way of her processing and compartmentalizing things she¡¯s going through, but in a weird way.¡± ¡°Compartmentalizing?¡± Alicia made a face. ¡°Oh, come on.¡± ¡°Ah,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°For Elena then, it¡¯s the Uncle Vampire theory. That¡¯s a valid take on the possibilities for you, and an understandable one. I do get it.¡± ¡°It¡­ it fits what¡¯s going on,¡± Elena faltered for a moment. ¡°It¡¯s weird if you¡¯re actually aware of it like that, I guess. I don¡¯t know how all that works, psychologically or whatever.¡± ¡°Time out, time out,¡± Casey called. ¡°I just wanna know¡ªis there any big, world-ending shit I need to worry about? Nuclear war, alien invasion, planet-killer comet? Or uh, any of that end of times Biblical kinda stuff?¡± ¡°No, nothing on that big of a scale,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°Not up through 2045, at least. There are some rough patches, but¡­¡± ¡°2045, cool,¡± Casey looked thoughtful. ¡°Okay. I¡¯m good, then. Don¡¯t feel like you have to tell me anything else, unless you want to.¡± ¡°What¡¯s goin¡¯ on?¡± Olivia asked, stepping in to join them. ¡°I¡¯m¡ª¡± Tabitha began. ¡°No,¡± Elena put her foot down. ¡°No. This isn¡¯t something that you should just be spreading around carelessly. Okay? I¡¯m sorry, Olivia¡ªTabitha and Alicia both are being very flippant with certain very sensitive personal matters, and it¡¯s not something you or Casey should even hear. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°I¡¯m cool,¡± Casey held up her hands. ¡°Olivia¡ªyeah, you don¡¯t even wanna know.¡± ¡°Are you guys talking about Ashlee?¡± Olivia lowered her voice. ¡°I think those of us who were there back then can basically just put two and two together, right?¡± ¡°About Ashlee?¡± Elena paused. ¡°Yeah,¡± Olivia leaned in closer. ¡°She¡¯s super standoffish, not just to everyone, but to Tabitha, especially¡ªbut also gives her a hundred dollar, maybe two hundred dollar purse? A Vera Bradley? Come on.¡± ¡°That does seem kind of¡­ weird,¡± Alicia frowned. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°No, not just weird,¡± Olivia gave them each an incredulous look. ¡°Vera Bradley bag? Peefy Poofy, the teddy bear? Uhh, weren¡¯t those both the same exact things Erica Taylor accused Tabitha of stealing? Back at the Halloween party?¡± ¡°Shit,¡± Alicia swore. ¡°I actually think you¡¯re right.¡± ¡°Damnit,¡± Tabitha sagged, putting her good hand to her forehead. ¡°I should have thought of that. You¡¯re sure Erica said the same name? Peefy Poofy?¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m pretty sure,¡± Olivia nodded. ¡°Wasn¡¯t that what she said?¡± ¡°I¡­ maybe?¡± Elena frowned. ¡°She definitely accused Tabitha of taking stuff.¡± ¡°It seems likely,¡± Tabitha let out an aggrieved sigh. ¡°I don¡¯t think I wound up retaining the specifics of what was said. Head trauma kind of made all the exact words that got thrown around that night pretty¡­ fuzzy.¡± ¡°I remember Spanish book,¡± Olivia ticked out fingers one by one. ¡°Shampoo, Vera Bradley, Peefy Poofy, and then she ended it off with screaming about her sister¡ªher sister meaning Ashlee herself, right? But, it¡¯s looking like Ashlee was the culprit and the one that stole at least some of that stuff. I don¡¯t know what all else the drama even was, there.¡± ¡°Jesus Christ,¡± Casey muttered. ¡°Hell of a ¡®birthday present,¡¯ then.¡± ¡°What are you going to do about Ashlee?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°Whatever you decide¡ªwe¡¯re with you.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll¡­ talk with her,¡± Tabitha groaned. ¡°I¡¯ll need to have a long private talk with her. I don¡¯t know what I want to say just yet, not if Elena thinks so much of what I want to say is¡­ sensitive. I¡¯ll think on it. Tonight, though¡ªtonight I just want to have fun with everyone.¡± 47, Grow up. Joshua¡¯s rented skates clunked across the laminated wood of the roller rink in steady strides as he built up more speed for rounding the far curve. Because the skaters all whirled about in a giant clockwise oval, there were two long straightaways where he could do a really cool long glide. With one last heaving pump of his legs, he hunched down low, imagining himself more aerodynamic as he traversed dozens of feet in a matter of seconds. This was, in his opinion, one of the coolest birthday party things ever. His feet hurt¡ªquite a lot, actually¡ªbecause the rentals didn¡¯t fit him that well, but that was already within his expectations, as the single pair of roller blades the Moore boys shared back home rarely ever fit any of them. They¡¯d started out as a Christmas present for Samuel to grow into, and two years later only Nicholas would even try to wear them. That was mostly fine with him¡ªwhile roller blades were cool, street hockey back home was easier to play barefoot or in sneakers. Skating like this, though? With dozens and dozens, maybe even a whole hundred people at once was amazing. With the lights down and only spotlights and disco ball scatter illuminating their broad stage, it was easy to pretend he was in space as he maneuvered around the slower skaters and careened around the rink. As the youngest, Joshua had shorter legs and some trouble keeping up with his brothers, but when they shot past him and moved on ahead that just meant for a few minutes they were actually coming up behind him, instead. As if he was back in the lead. It was a strange new dichotomy, but a welcome one that he embraced wholeheartedly. A weird song that just seemed to be a robot singing the words intergalactic, planetary over and over again to a bassy thump played across the loudspeakers, and Joshua caught a glimpse of Matthew and Casey skating together off to one side. They were both cool¡ªback at the theater they¡¯d given each of the boys a fistful of quarters to go through the arcade there with. Joshua still had all of the coins in his pocket. He¡¯d been so gridlocked with indecision over which game to spend the precious money on, that he wound up going from cabinet to game cabinet and just watching each of the demo screens play. Then he ended up just watching over Matthew and Casey¡¯s shoulders as the teenagers sat in the neat Cruisin¡¯ USA chairs and raced each other, right up until it was time to go into the movie. Should I give all the quarters back? It kinda feels like stealing, since I didn¡¯t use any of them for what I was supposed to. ¡°Tag,¡± a voice called, and Joshua felt someone¡¯s hand smack across his shoulder. With a grin and a mighty struggle Joshua almost managed to catch up before a smirking Bobby rolled on ahead and out of sight beyond the many other skating people¡ªthere was simply no chance of catching him. After all, Bobby wasn¡¯t a kid. He was a teenager. It was weird but cool seeing Tabitha¡¯s teenager friends again. Alicia was fun and playful with them, and though Elena was more strict and grown-up like, she at least remembered all of the boys from Halloween and addressed them by name. But, she like, can¡¯t let loose and have fun with us, Joshua thought as he wobbled on his feet, shifting from skate to skate as he rolled on. Because she has to be all ¡®more adult¡¯ when she¡¯s around other teens. That¡¯s gotta be tough. Kids have it the best¡ªwe can just be kids. Back at the playground, when no one else was around, Elena could just be a kid with us and play and it was great. Here she¡¯s gotta be all TEENAGER and worry about appearances and impressions and posturing stuff. It was all just a dumb act. Even though it was dumb, though, Joshua felt that he understood it completely. He wasn¡¯t some little kid, after all. He had a firm grasp of how stupid and lame the little first-graders acted compared to kids like him that were in second grade. The programs at school said that it was something called peer pressure, Samuel snorted and had said it was just growing up, and Joshua had found himself thinking about it a lot. Tabitha was way more like¡­ RESERVED, around her teenager friends, Joshua decided. Or maybe because tonight it¡¯s around the adults. She¡¯s REAL when she¡¯s just with us boys, but then sometimes when I see her with the adults¡ªit¡¯s fake. She feels fake. Grandma Laurie only ever seemed to see the soft-spoken and kind, conscientious girl act that Tabitha put on. When Tabby was around her own parents it was even worse, there was some additional degree of pretend that Tabitha put into her act that was even less genuine. Here with these other adults¡ªJoshua was hazy on all of their names¡ªit was like there was almost no way any of them would ever have a chance of getting to know the real Tabitha. They always think we don¡¯t pick up on these kind of things, the boy wanted to roll his eyes. Which is just as dumb. Just ¡®cause we¡¯re KIDS doesn¡¯t mean we¡¯re not paying attention to any¡ª Joshua misstepped trying to direct his skates into the next curve and lost his balance, his left foot rolling backwards out from under him. His elbow and forearm caught the floor a moment before his chin did, and his body even slid forward a few inches before coming to a stop. ¡°Christ¡ªwatch out,¡± A guy swore, narrowly skirting around Joshua¡¯s accident. ¡°Jesus.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Joshua blurted out, clutching at his face and struggling to get back up. The rink was all of the sudden scary with motion as he turned to see the flow of skating traffic hurtling towards him rather than streaming along with him. The moment he managed to get both sets of wheels beneath him they immediately went out from under him again, dumping him back on his butt. Panic rose up in his chest before he could stifle it back down. Joshua was just thinking of trying to scramble on hands and knees off the rink and out of the way of all of the oncoming people when he realized someone was hurtling right towards him. Joshua was already flinching back when the woman dropped into a crouch¡ªstill skating, and then effortlessly braked with a purposeful application of her heel stop, coasting to a neat stop right over him. ¡°Hey, little kiddo,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°You okay?¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Joshua stammered, holding up one hand. ¡°Sorry¡ªI just, I fell. I was trying to get back up. Sorry.¡± ¡°You¡¯re okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire gave him a quizzical smile he couldn¡¯t quite make out in the poor lighting of the skate area. ¡°You¡¯re okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ªyeah?¡± Joshua answered, confused. She didn¡¯t seem angry at him at all¡ªhad she not seen him fall? ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to. Sorry.¡± ¡°Well, we never mean to, but sometimes we fall anyways,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, taking his hand and checking his wrist movement. ¡°Why are you sorry? No boo-boos? No breaks or fractures or anything? Does this hurt?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ª¡± Joshua paused. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m okay.¡± He wasn¡¯t sure how to articulate what was wrong here¡ªthis wasn¡¯t his mom, why would she care? If he broke any bones, she wouldn¡¯t have to pay for it. She was one of the mothers organizing the party thing, but she didn¡¯t seem mad at him for falling down and being in the way or maybe messing up things or getting them in trouble. She was right here down on one knee next to him, right in the middle of this side of the rink¡ªas if she was shielding him from the skaters passing by this way. ¡°You sure?¡± Mrs. Macintire gave him an uncertain look. ¡°Thought I saw you conk your chin a bit, there. Can you gimme a big smile¡ªso I can make sure you didn¡¯t lose any teeth?¡± Joshua bared his teeth for a moment. He didn¡¯t think he¡¯d lost any, but¡ªoh, she was teasing him. This woman was weird. Was this how other moms treated their kids? Comforting and¡­ nice? It was all too easy to imagine his own mother screaming and swearing at him just for getting in everyone¡¯s way. The realization filled him with a sense of loss that made him feel more winded than the fall had. ¡°Is he okay?¡± That Hannah girl tottered over on her skates to grab at the lady¡¯s shoulders for balance. This was the little girl that from the family Tabitha was staying with¡ªshe was cute but standoffish, and refused to look at him. The boys were all supposed to be polite to her, but they didn¡¯t really know how to¡­ so, it was easier just to avoid Hannah completely. They weren¡¯t utter heathens, it was just that they only really knew how to treat adults respectfully, and Hannah wasn¡¯t an adult¡ªshe was a kid just like them. How in the heck were they supposed to act towards her? Mind their manners? Call Hannah ma¡¯am? ¡°He¡¯s okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire promised. ¡°You¡¯re okay, right? Give you a hand up?¡± With surprising strength, the woman took him by the hand and hefted him back up. His flailing skates skidded out again, but it didn¡¯t matter, because the woman¡¯s arm looped around his side and prevented him from going anywhere. Embarrassed and confused, Joshua grabbed her hand with both of his and finally regained his footing. ¡°Alright, kiddo¡ªI¡¯m launchin¡¯ you,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°You ready?¡± ¡°I¡ªyeah,¡± Joshua said. Then the hand released his, and with a steady push on the small of his back he was off, skating forward amid the flow of other skaters like he had been before. Like everything was normal. Well, except now his feet really hurt, the stiff lip of the rental skates had dug into his ankles when he went down, and his hand had that stinging numbness that needed shaken out a bit. He was okay. Except, we¡¯re really not okay, are we? Joshua still felt weirded out. My brothers and me. Mom wouldn¡¯t have EVER done that. Any of that. Helped me back up, or, or made sure I was okay, or anything like that. If she¡¯d have even noticed at all, which she wouldn¡¯t have. She wouldn¡¯t have noticed or cared, except to like, yell at us. He¡¯d already internalized that back during Thanksgiving, Tabitha had picked him up and carried him to the back room and started crying because the four boys didn¡¯t have a great mom. And, maybe their mom really wasn¡¯t a great mom, it was still a contentious subject among the brothers and maybe ultimately a moot point, because so what? She was their mom. Other moms, like the ones on TV in cartoons and shows¡ªthey were fake, and didn¡¯t count. Someone just made them up anyways, they weren¡¯t even real. Joshua didn¡¯t realize that his pace had slowed down until he saw the woman skating on past him while holding hands with Hannah, and he couldn¡¯t help but give them a sullen stare. Somehow or other, the idea that maybe their mother Lisa Moore wasn¡¯t a great mom had never made the full leap to wait, maybe we actually have a TERRIBLE mother until just this moment. The thought made him want to do more than cry¡ªit made him want to bawl, to go crazy, to throw a tantrum, to push and shove and fight his older brothers over it until they each understood. Maybe they already understood, and that was somehow worse. ¡°You fell, ha-ha,¡± Nicholas pointed as he skated past, in another one of his Nelson impressions from the Simpsons. ¡°Smooth move, ex-lax,¡± Samuel called, swiping at Joshua as he went by. It¡¯s not fair, Joshua glared, flicking his stinging hand out one last time and then rubbed where he¡¯d hit his chin with his sleeve. It just¡ªisn¡¯t. And stupid Aiden taking mom¡¯s side, that¡¯s dumb. Tabitha UNDERSTOOD. She¡¯s the one who was saying it, was saying our mom¡¯s not really like a mom at all, that she doesn¡¯t get to just come back and try to act like a mom. The fun had been sapped out of skating for now, and Joshua huffed and started circling wide towards the outer edge of the rink where he could step back off onto the carpeted floor. He wanted to stomp over and find Tabitha, because she understood. Even if all he ever said was that he was upset because he fell down, so what? Tabitha would still care. It was okay if what he was so upset about wasn¡¯t actually falling down, that didn¡¯t even matter.
¡°Just look at us,¡± Olivia lamented with a groan. ¡°Tabitha, look at us cripples. All alone. In pain. Suffering, in complete misery!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t whine, dearie,¡± Mrs. Moreno reminded from the table next to them, not even looking up from her novel. ¡°No one likes a whiner.¡± As predicted, shortly after making a symbolic lap around the rink with her boyfriend, Olivia attempted to actually skate at speed and immediately sprained her ankle. Now she reclined back sideways in the booth across from Tabitha, one sock-clad foot elevated up on the back of the bench, with a baggie of ice perched on her ankle. Michael had piled his and her coats beneath the girl into makeshift pillows before being shooed away, and Tabitha watched with amusement as Olivia cradled a paper plate in her lap and picked at cake crumbs with her fork. ¡°I mean, we¡¯re not all alone,¡± Tabitha pointed out, shifting the CD player box out of the way. ¡°We have Barb here!¡± ¡°Ah, right,¡± Olivia nodded. ¡°Just us three cripples. I¡¯ve got my gimpy leg, Barb¡¯s got Barb¡¯s barbs, you¡¯ve gotta cast. Together¡ªtogether we represent all the suffering in the world.¡± ¡°Oh, please,¡± Mrs. Moreno muttered. ¡°Will you just shut up?¡± ¡°My own ma, she doesn¡¯t even care anymore!¡± Olivia cried out. ¡°She doesn¡¯t understand my pain!¡± ¡°You are such a baby,¡± Mrs. Moreno said. ¡°I don¡¯t know how anyone puts up with you.¡± Olivia shared the most childish grin Tabitha had ever seen, popped another tiny bit of cake into her mouth, and then pursed her lips into another purposeful pout. The pathetic pity act was surprisingly endearing on the girl¡¯s rather severe features, and once again Tabitha found the relationship between Olivia and her mother endlessly fascinating. They were just so comfortable with one another. What she¡¯d seen of Elena interacting with Mrs. Seelbaugh back then had already been equally interesting, because despite being playful and cool, Mrs. Seelbaugh somehow tended to bring out Elena¡¯s serious side. One of Elena¡¯s life goals was clearly to always make her mother proud of her. Whereas with Olivia¡ªshe¡¯s¡ªI don¡¯t know, she can switch between being cool and snarky around us teens and being a melodramatic child to her mother in such a fluid manner, Tabitha observed. It¡¯s strange yet so NATURAL, and I think I really love it. Figuring out how to act my age¡ªwhatever that even really is, and how to act around who¡ªhas become such a struggle for me. I don¡¯t know how to just BE MYSELF, and sometimes it¡¯s like I¡¯m trying to figure out who I am, trying to cobble all of THAT together, by just borrowing from the different acts I put on around everyone else. Spending time away from her parents felt like it was instead adding weight to the other facets Tabitha presented to those around her, like it was shifting her personality away from the rigid, stoic, and somewhat defensive mask she wore around Mr. and Mrs. Moore. Tabitha was a fledgling teenager and she was also a world-weary time-traveler, but what she found herself really struggling with was letting herself ever be a kid. Being a kid should have been a natural component of being a teen, a building block of that process, but Tabitha felt like this crucial bit was glaringly absent within herself. Because for me, my childhood is a LOT farther back than it technically should be, Tabitha groused, toying with Barb¡¯s shock of spiny little needles. There¡¯s been tiny moments here and there, where the magic appears, but they¡¯re oh so fleeting. Painfully rare. I crave them, I¡¯m desperate for them, but reaching for them, the actual act of me grasping for those moments of innocence instead would render them¡­ ARTIFICIAL, somehow. ¡°Frustrated?¡± Olivia asked, and with a start Tabitha realized her new friend had been watching her. ¡°Um, no, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head. Then she slumped down a bit. ¡°Okay, that was a lie. I¡¯m a little bit frustrated. No¡ªI¡¯m really, really frustrated. This here is great, this night, this birthday must be the new most¡­ amazing day of my entire life, but also I just keep sinking down into my own head and can¡¯t get out of my own thoughts.¡± Tabitha noticed Mrs. Moreno brought a finger up to her book to keep her place where she was reading, but to her surprise the woman didn¡¯t enter the conversation. Instead Mrs. Moreno was glancing towards Olivia, as if interested in how her daughter would respond, and that whole dynamic was fascinating to see. ¡°So, talk about it,¡± Olivia shrugged. ¡°S¡¯all you can do. I mean doesn¡¯t have to be to me, we basically just started gettin¡¯ to know each other. But like, Alicia. Elena. Bobby, maybe, even. Just goin¡¯ ¡®round and ¡®round in your own thoughts, it¡¯s like¡ªlike do you know about J-B weld?¡± To Tabitha¡¯s amusement, Mrs. Moreno¡¯s shoulders slumped and the woman smacked a palm over her own face. ¡°...J-B weld?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s like¡ªit¡¯s this epoxy thing, like a glue,¡± Olivia pressed on, indifferent to her mother¡¯s apparent embarrassment. ¡°Comes in two separate tubes, and on their own each mixture or whatever doesn¡¯t do squat, but when you put them together¡ªit¡¯s this super strong adhesive bond.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha nodded slowly. ¡°So, I need to¡­ share my thoughts, for them to stick?¡± ¡°Kinda?¡± Olivia set aside her plate. ¡°To me, like, that¡¯s how I¡¯ve always thought of it. Thoughts on their own, worries, hopes and dreams, fears, all of that¡ªthey¡¯re incomplete. All of them are like a conversation you have with yourself, when they need to be a talk you start having with others. Just with yourself, it¡¯s never going to get anywhere. So, to go out and make your thoughts really something, to form into something that¡¯ll last forever, they have to be exposed to someone else¡¯s thoughts. Friends, parents. Boyfriends. You know?¡± ¡°That¡¯s the dumbest thing I¡¯ve ever heard of,¡± Mrs. Moreno complained, smacking her novel down. ¡°J-B Weld? Really? I know you just used that to piss me off.¡± ¡°It¡¯s dad wisdom,¡± Olivia revealed with a smirk. ¡°Moms? Just won¡¯t get it.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°I really like that, actually.¡± ¡°Yeah, plus J-B weld¡¯s good for like, everything,¡± Olivia laughed. ¡°Metal, porcelain, wood, pvc¡ªyou name it, J-B weld can fix it.¡± ¡°I hate you,¡± Mrs. Moreno rolled her eyes, returning to her book in a huff. ¡°I hate you all.¡± ¡°I think I have really just been stewing in my own thoughts for too long,¡± Tabitha admitted, gently withdrawing her hand from Barb. ¡°Just, at the same time, whenever I do open up about everything, it starts to feel like I¡¯m just dumping all my problems on them. On Elena and Alicia.¡± ¡°You¡¯re just still focused in too much on your own tube of weld,¡± Olivia said. ¡°Half the time when something¡¯s bugging me, I don¡¯t even have to talk about it or put my own thoughts out there. I can just ask someone else for their thoughts, and just me hearing them starts to mesh them with my own and give everything a stronger bond.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Tabitha laughed in dismay. ¡°You¡¯re right. It¡¯s¡­ honestly weird how great J-B weld works for that whole sort of analogy?¡± ¡°I know!¡± Olivia preened. ¡°Sometimes I amaze even myself.¡± ¡°Hmhbbullshit,¡± Mrs. Moreno sneezed. ¡°Gesundheit!¡± Olivia called, awkwardly pulling her raised ankle off of the booth and resituating to sit Indian-style. ¡°Okay, so actually I didn¡¯t come up with that one. My dad didn¡¯t even come up with that one¡ªMichael¡¯s dad did! Oh. Hello there, little man.¡± Tabitha followed Olivia¡¯s smile to discover Joshua hanging onto the edge of the table just behind their seating area, the young boy somehow managing to clomp over to them in his skates silently enough to not catch her attention. ¡°Joshua!¡± Tabitha turned in her seat to regard him. ¡°Are you okay?¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Joshua said. ¡°I just fell.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tabitha winced, gesturing for him to come closer. ¡°Was it bad? Are you okay? Are you still having a fun time?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Joshua shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s fun.¡± ¡°Sit with us for a bit,¡± Tabitha said, scooching in and then patting the bench cushion. ¡°Did you get hurt anywhere?¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Joshua said, carefully stepping over and then climbing up to sit next to her. ¡°Are you excited for Christmas?¡± Olivia asked him. ¡°I guess,¡± Joshua shrugged. ¡°We already know what we¡¯re getting. Nicholas went and peeked up in the back closet, and then when we all found out, Grandma just gave up and told us. We¡¯re still not ¡®llowed to play them ¡®til Christmas day, though.¡± ¡°Video games?¡± Olivia guessed. ¡°Michael has a Playstation.¡± ¡°Nintendo 64,¡± Joshua said. ¡°We have our dad¡¯s Nintendo 64. This year we¡¯re getting South Park, and Legend of Zelda.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°Zelda; Ocarina of Time?¡± ¡°Yeah, I think so,¡± Joshua said. ¡°I¡¯ve seen the commercials for that¡ªit looks fun,¡± Olivia said. ¡°I¡¯m sure Casey¡¯s getting it.¡± ¡°It is fun, but¡­¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°It¡¯s also a single-player game. If my cousins have to share, it¡¯ll be just one of them playing, while the others have to watch. I don¡¯t know anything about the South Park one, but I¡¯m not a fan of the show.¡± ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± Olivia shrugged. ¡°I like The Simpsons better.¡± ¡°Well. I want you to be real excited this year, Joshua!¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile. ¡°¡®Cause, I managed to get a special surprise for you boys for Christmas!¡± ¡°You did?¡± Joshua couldn¡¯t help but glance across the spread of birthday presents Tabitha had received today. ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°Hmmmmm,¡± Tabitha used the cute tone she¡¯d grown used to using with Hannah. ¡°You¡¯ll just have to see. It¡¯s a surprise! It could be anything. Could be socks! Or cans of brussel sprouts for you to take to school for lunches. Spinach! Maybe even big ugly sweaters that each have your names on them!¡± ¡°Uaagghhhh,¡± Joshua mimed rearing back in aggravation. ¡°Just please don¡¯t let it be clothes. Grandma always gets us clothes, so anything but that.¡± ¡°I love the clothes my me-ma picks out!¡± Olivia laughed. ¡°Old broad has great taste.¡± ¡°I actually picked out a little something for each of you boys,¡± Tabitha said with pride. ¡°So that you¡¯ll each have something of your own, and won¡¯t have to share.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± Joshua perked up with interest. ¡°Take a few guesses!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Ummm,¡± Joshua floundered, and they could almost see his Christmas wishes dancing through his eyes. ¡°Wrestling figures?¡± ¡°Nope, it¡¯s not action figures,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°But you will be able to play with them.¡± ¡°Nerf guns?¡± Joshua lit up. ¡°Sorry, no,¡± Tabitha gave him a sheepish grin. ¡°That¡¯s a good one though, I¡¯ll have to remember that for next time.¡± ¡°Uhhhh,¡± Joshua fidgeted, appearing to lower his expectations. ¡°Hot Wheels?¡± ¡°Not Hot Wheels,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Micro Machines?¡± Joshua guessed. ¡°I¡ªconfess that I don¡¯t know what those are,¡± Tabitha looked to Olivia for help, but her new friend just shrugged. ¡°Are they like Transformers?¡± ¡°They¡¯re like Hot Wheels, but even smaller,¡± Joshua explained, holding his fingers together to demonstrate an itty-bitty size. ¡°Like, this big.¡± ¡°It¡¯s definitely not Microed Machines, then.¡± ¡°How expensive?¡± Joshua narrowed his eyes in suspicion. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ not gonna say,¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°But, I think you¡¯ll really love them, and there¡¯ll be one for each of you. It¡¯s something you can play by yourselves, or something you boys can play together.¡± ¡°Something we can play together,¡± Joshua repeated. ¡°Not just something we can play with. Is it a video game?¡± ¡°It could be!¡± Tabitha said with an encouraging smile. ¡°Who knows.¡± ¡°But, then we only have one Nintendo 64,¡± Joshua pointed out. ¡°True,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Then¡­ I think¡­ maybe¡­ is it Tamagotchis?¡± Joshua¡¯s eyes went wide. ¡°Like, one for each of us? ¡± ¡°Ssshh!¡± Tabitha made a show of ducking her head and glancing around, while putting a finger to her lips to indicate that he shouldn¡¯t speak so loudly. ¡°They¡¯re¡­ actually a lot like Tamagotchis. I knew you¡¯d just about guess it, you¡¯re really smart. Do you promise not to tell your brothers, though? I want it to be a really big surprise.¡± ¡°Whoaa,¡± Joshua smiled. ¡°Cool. I always wanted one. How much do they cost?!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you worry about that,¡± Tabitha assured him. ¡°You promise to keep it secret for me?¡± ¡°Tamagotchis? They¡¯re like, twenty dollars each,¡± Olivia remarked. ¡°You got one for each of them? Four boys? Tabitha, that¡¯s like eighty bucks right there.¡± ¡°Eighty dollars?¡± Joshua turned a stunned look towards Tabitha. ¡°You spent eighty dollars on us? I think that¡¯s almost what Grandma spent on Christmas.¡± ¡°Sort of,¡± Tabitha gave him a wistful smile and then put her arm around him so she could pull him in and give him a kiss on the top of his head. ¡°I love you boys, and want you to have the best Christmas ever. Just, keep in mind it¡¯ll be like a Tamagotchi, but maybe not exactly a Tamagotchi. Okay?¡± ¡°I mean, still,¡± Joshua seemed dazed. ¡°That¡¯s so cool.¡± ¡°So, like one of the off-brand sorta ones?¡± Olivia remarked. ¡°Yeah, still though, that¡¯s really cool. I know last year of middle school it was like everyone was just crazy about them.¡± ¡°I think it¡¯ll be really fun! I actually got one for myself, too,¡± Tabitha confided in a low voice. ¡°Just, now Joshua, remember. Big secret, okay? I really want to surprise everyone. You promise not to say anything?¡± ¡°Yeah, I promise!¡± Joshua nodded. ¡°Thanks. Merry Christmas. And happy birthday!¡±
¡°You¡¯re really on Tabs¡¯ case about the whole time travel secret thing,¡± Alicia griped as she skated next to Elena. ¡°But, like¡ªit¡¯s her story to tell, right? She can do what she wants.¡± ¡°Honestly?¡± Elena stared off into the distance. ¡°I¡¯m just getting real sick of it. It¡¯s all you guys talk about, you won¡¯t stop encouraging her, and just¡ªI just don¡¯t want to have to keep playing along with this forever, you know? She¡¯s not from the future, she didn¡¯t travel back in time. Grow up. Get over it. She¡¯s fourteen, already, there¡¯s really no excuse.¡± ¡°No, but what if she is from the future?¡± Alicia scowled. ¡°You¡¯ve basically never even once given her a chance. Right from the get-go, it was impossible to you, so you like¡ªyou like, couldn¡¯t even entertain the possibility.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena agreed, finally shooting Alicia a stare. ¡°Basically.¡± ¡°I believe her,¡± Alicia was adamant. ¡°She knows things she couldn¡¯t know otherwise. Was in exactly the right time and place and with the right preparations to save Mister Macintire¡¯s life there. You¡¯re saying that was just, what, blind coincidence? She knows a lot of future stuff, she gives specifics and details and shit. Social Medium. Music stuff, fashion. Movies.¡± ¡°Sure, some of her speculation is interesting,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°But, that¡¯s all it is. Did you know that back in Laurel, there was this girl we knew, Maddie, who would always say she had a boyfriend who lived in California? He was supposedly sixteen, he had a rich family, he did photoshoot modeling stuff for magazines. Every time you¡¯d talk with Maddie, her little fantasy story had new episodes¡ªoh, they almost broke up, or oh no, his mother was an alcoholic psycho and trying to separate them. Or, oh, he got into a car accident and almost died. It was always something.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not the same thing,¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°Tabitha has¡ª¡± ¡°Well, the first couple weeks, we humored her,¡± Elena cut Alicia off. ¡°We were like, twelve or thirteen, and it was all ¡®so what if she¡¯s lying?¡¯ Yeah, everyone wanted to feel like their life was special, or interesting, or important. But as it went on¡ªit got to where she¡¯s obviously just making it all up, because every day it was a new drama, every day she was in tears, or furious, or falling in love all over again, because of the ongoing soap opera developments in her own little pretend story. About her ¡®boyfriend in California.¡¯ Do you get what I¡¯m saying?¡± This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. ¡°Elena,¡± Alicia slowed and grabbed Elena¡¯s arm, forcing her to face her. ¡°Tabitha doesn¡¯t need a ¡®boyfriend in California.¡¯ Do you get what I¡¯m saying? You were right fucking there next to me back when a girl almost murdered her. She caught her Aunt with heroin and got her arrested. I was right next to her when a cop got shot, she stopped him from bleeding out and literally saved his life¡ªthe cop¡¯s family took her in, even. Any one of those things would be like some real Nancy Drew kinda shit. All of those happening together? To the same girl? Elena, Tabitha is special, and when we finally actually ask why, when we dig deeper into the big crazy mystery of why, you just throw out her explanation as impossible.¡± ¡°Let go,¡± Elena warned, throwing her hands out for balance as she tried to skate next to Alicia. ¡°Sorry,¡± Alicia growled, releasing her. ¡°Just¡ªElena, she doesn¡¯t need a ¡®boyfriend in California.¡¯¡± ¡°What I¡¯m saying is this whole thing is her ¡®boyfriend in California,¡¯¡± Elena refuted. ¡°Sure, a lot of those things you said are mostly true, just, she¡¯s not as special as you want to make her out to be. You¡¯re completely biased. When¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m biased?!¡± ¡°¡ªWhen she went up and helped stopped the bleeding with Officer Macintire, that was a good thing, but she didn¡¯t save him¡ªparamedics saved him, surgery and intensive care stuff saved him. She helped. Yes. Not gonna belittle that, what she did was great, and yeah she should be proud of that. But, you only insist that Officer Macintire would¡¯ve died because Tabitha claims he would have if she hadn¡¯t helped, as if she knows. It¡¯s a lot more likely that he would¡¯ve been mostly fine until the ambulance showed up. It¡¯s not like he got shot right in the heart or¡ª¡± ¡°Elena¡ªwhat the fuck?¡± Alicia¡¯s mouth fell open. ¡°Really? Really? Weren¡¯t you the one going around getting all up in the face of all the other girls at school whenever they said that? Didn¡¯t you run over and¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not the same thing,¡± Elena argued. ¡°Tabitha did help. What she did was great. I just don¡¯t think you can give her all the credit, like she¡¯s some Nancy Drew character. The other things are all basically the same. With the way you two reframe things, it¡¯s always made out to be super huge and dramatic as possible, all the time. And yeah, I get that. I¡¯m a teenager, too. But, when¡ª¡± Alicia had already veered off and rolled away, making for the outer edge of the roller rink. ¡°Alicia. Alicia,¡± Elena called, awkwardly clunking her skates to slow down to let another skater pass by so that she could turn and follow. ¡°Oh, come on.¡± ¡°Elena,¡± Alicia snapped, coming to a stop at the edge and spinning around to face her. ¡°You need to think real carefully about whatever your next words are, because they might just end this friendship.¡± For a long, tense moment Elena stood silently in her roller skates on the rink periphery, staring at Alicia, who simply crossed her arms and waited. ¡°My mom¡¯s still doing Christmas shopping,¡± Elena finally said. ¡°For the rest of the family. Last minute stuff. This past Thursday she says, I¡¯m running out to Harry and David¡¯s at the mall, do you want to come with? I say, yeah, of course. We go. I stop over at Hot Topic and visit with Ziggy, she pulls me aside and asks me about you, asks if I know. I say, know what?¡± ¡°What the fuck are you talking about?¡± Alicia scowled. ¡°She asks me how you know Tabitha, she asks how you act around her, she¡¯s asking me if you always take her side,¡± Elena paused, searching Alicia¡¯s expression for anything she could read. ¡°Because, if you¡¯re biased, you would. If you¡­ liked her, then, yeah, maybe a bunch of things would make sense.¡± ¡°Elena, I¡¯m not gay,¡± Alicia¡¯s voice rose. ¡°Jesus Christ!¡± ¡°Do I think you¡¯re gay? I don¡¯t know what to think,¡± Elena withdrew her hands deeper into the sleeves of her hoodie and then hugged her arms against herself. ¡°Am I calling you gay? Just based on a bunch of¡­ random little things Ziggy says? No, I¡¯m not a child. Ziggy and I argued, and we had a¡­ long, uncomfortable talk about all of that. ¡°I¡¯m not gonna be thrilled if you are gay, or if you¡¯re bi or whatever, but no matter fucking what, we are still friends. Just like I¡¯m still Tabitha¡¯s friend, even if I don¡¯t believe in her ¡®boyfriend in California.¡¯ What I do know is that¡ªwhether or not you have a crush on her¡ªyou latch onto everything she says like it¡¯s pure gospel. No matter how out there or unrealistic it is. ¡°I¡¯m not going to do that, and I can¡¯t do that,¡± Elena held out her hands in frustration before dropping them, and then awkwardly holding them against herself again. ¡°Trust me, I wish I could. Wish I could just go along with all of it. But, I can¡¯t. I really, really need you to understand that. I do think something¡¯s going on with Tabitha that¡¯s not okay, and I want to get to the bottom of what it really is. It¡ªit¡¯s very annoying when I¡¯m trying to do that, and then I also have to muck through all this time-traveler bullshit you keep encouraging. Alicia continued to glare, arms still crossed in front of her. ¡°Say something,¡± Elena pressed. ¡°Are we still friends, or not? Because, if not¡ªthat¡¯s fine. No, it¡¯s actually not fine at all. But, whatever. That¡¯s fucking life, I guess. If we¡¯re not friends, you¡¯d better damn at least pretend things are still okay. For the rest of tonight, at least. I, I¡ªI refuse to ruin Tabitha¡¯s birthday with drama. So, are we still friends? Or are we just pretending? Just friends for tonight? Say something.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not gay,¡± Alicia insisted. ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± Elena shot back. ¡°Sorry, I really don¡¯t. You¡¯re either gay, or you just idolize her and just¡ªjust worship the ground she walks on, go along with everything single thing she says. It feels the same to me. I realize all the future stuff is fun for you, and maybe you do really buy into it, but it got really old, really fast for me, and yeah, sorry. I don¡¯t know what else to say. Are we still friends, or not?¡± ¡°We¡¯re,¡± Alicia faltered, looking away. ¡°Still friends. Sorry. I just¡ªI just all of the sudden got really, really upset. And¡ªyeah. I¡¯m sorry I said that. I don¡¯t think I meant it.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Elena¡¯s shoulders sagged. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s okay. It¡¯s fine. I got upset, too. It just, it happens. Carrie and I did this same exact thing like, three times last year. Just. It¡¯s exhausting. I¡¯m sorry, too. Didn¡¯t mean to come off as demeaning and insulting or whatever as I realize now I did. I¡¯m frustrated. I just¡ªI love you guys, and I really want to be friends, but I¡¯m so done with the future bullcrap and, and¡ªit really stresses me out. For a lot of reasons. Sorry.¡± ¡°Yeah. Sorry,¡± Alicia edged forward a little bit. ¡°Friends? ¡°Yeah, friends,¡± Elena rolled forward and hugged Alicia. ¡°Sorry. When she brings that stuff up from now on, I¡¯m just gonna try to bite my tongue and be quiet about it. You can talk about the future with her if you want, but could you please not encourage her or spread it around to Casey or anyone else? I think at best this is a ¡®boyfriend in California¡¯ thing, and at worst it¡¯s maybe an ¡®Uncle Vampire¡¯ thing, and either way¡ªjust, yeah.¡± ¡°Still don¡¯t know what the ¡®Uncle Vampire¡¯ thing is all about,¡± Alicia squeezed Elena tight before letting her go. ¡°I¡¯ll give you my copy,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°I truly, honestly do not want it, and would be glad to be rid of it.¡± ¡°That bad?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªyeah,¡± Elena looked past the curve of roller-skaters rounding the bend and over towards the table area where Tabitha and Olivia were talking. ¡°I really hope not, though.¡±
7 Months Ago After Ashlee had herself a ¡®clumsy accident¡¯ in the first week of bouncing on their big new trampoline together with Erica and Brittany, their parents had instated the rule that only two girls were allowed up on the trampoline at once. For safety, of course. Ashlee¡¯s protests had fallen on deaf ears, while both Brittany and Erica chided her for being childish and reminded their stupid little sister that it was her fault that they now needed a rule¡ªas if Ashlee hadn¡¯t been pushed and shoved around. The new rule that only two girls were allowed up there at once also just so happened to be the perfect number to exclude Ashlee. Brittany and Erica would jump up there whenever they wanted to after school, and they would bounce when they were bored and simply didn¡¯t want to let Ashlee have any fun, and they would also just hang out up here, sprawled out across the black mesh so they could deprive their little sister from jumping. This rule, like almost every other one that appeared, in Ashlee¡¯s eyes, was intended for her older sisters to abuse. They were both older than Ashlee, bigger than Ashlee, ¡®more mature,¡¯ and this meant that they were in charge and Ashlee had to listen to whatever they said. In the uncommon instances where her parents made a token attempt at being fair, they let the three sisters all vote. Unsurprisingly, Brittany and Erica always voted together in their own interests, and there being two of them and only one Ashlee, democratic process did nothing but exacerbate the disparity between them. When the Taylor family went grocery shopping, the cart would fill up with Erica¡¯s preferences and things Brittany had picked out, while anything Ashlee wanted was vetoed as unnecessary, unhealthy, or frivolous. The remote control for the TV was a scepter of living room power that was either held by an elder sister or passed between the two elder sisters¡ªnever to be given to Ashlee, who would just ¡®rot her brains watching stupid kiddie shows.¡¯ Perhaps worst of all, since the three girls shared a bathroom, the two older sisters had priority in the mornings for using the sink, the toilet, and the shower. This rule began because Brittany and Erica had women¡¯s issues that needed additional consideration, but of course nothing changed after Ashlee got her own first period at twelve. Even if it was just Erica spending extra time on her makeup, she would scream ¡®get OUT of here you malformed little GARGOYLE,¡¯ Ashlee would get pushed out, the door slammed, and then Ashlee would have to go ask permission to use the other bathroom in their parent¡¯s room¡ªwhich wasn¡¯t always immediately available, either. Of course my sisters are the worst, Ashlee would tell herself. It¡¯s a little town with not that many kids, and they¡¯re both pretty and popular and have BOOBS. The world is their oyster. Whatever that even means. Maybe if I WASN¡¯T malformed¡ªif I didn¡¯t have a lazy eye¡ªmaybe all three of us sisters would be exactly the same. On some days that idea repulsed her, and then on others it was simply too attractive to let go of. Making friends with anyone in her own grade hadn¡¯t been easy with the lazy eye that unnerved and pushed everyone away. So, when Ashlee finally made a friend that year, a chubby girl from the nearby trailer park, she was overjoyed. Their friendship was bound in the tightest bonds there could ever be¡ªshared misery. No one else at Laurel understood in the slightest what it was like to be the other. Tabitha Moore wasn¡¯t particularly bright and probably wouldn¡¯t have been able to articulate it, but she didn¡¯t even have to. She understood. Ashlee knew the girl understood, on a deeply ingrained, instinctive level. Sometimes Ashlee didn¡¯t even have to complain at all, it was like she could just sit next to Tabby at recess and share a glance and they¡¯d both just know. Early on in their eighth grade year, they even managed to get permission to walk to each other¡¯s houses. Visiting Tabby wasn¡¯t great¡ªshe lived in a trailer and seemed dirt poor, plus her mom was scary and mean. Having Tabby over here, however, was fantastic. Now Ashlee could have someone over to conspire with, now there were two of them to match up to the two older sisters, and that meant Ashlee actually got a turn with the television remote. Having a guest over gave them real trampoline privileges, and it was a rare exception where Erica and Brittney weren¡¯t always guaranteed to get their way. Deep down, I just knew THAT couldn¡¯t last. Ashlee felt her heart lurch as she watched Erica shove Tabby towards the trampoline edge, and then she saw the fat shape of her friend tumble through the air like an oblong boulder, limbs flailing out akimbo. She¡¯d known this was going to happen as soon as she heard Erica snicker. Her sisters always thought it was fun to push them around. When she circled around the trampoline jumper, Ashlee¡¯s friend was already in blubbering tears. Tabby had landed on her side and back across the worn concrete slab of the backyard porch stoop, but was clutching at her head as she tried to work her portly body up into a sitting position and then up on one knee. After rushing forward in a panic to help her friend, Ashlee realized she had arrived but had no idea what to do or how to help. ¡°Are¡ªare you okay?!¡± Ashlee asked, holding out her hands. ¡°Tabby? Are you okay?¡± Tabby answered with a wail of pain. ¡°Christ, Erica,¡± Brittney let out a wry laugh. ¡°What?¡± Erica scoffed. ¡°She¡¯s faking it. I barely even touched her.¡± Tabby tried to peer through the tears and disbelief but failed as the uncontrollable sobs and gasping breaths took over. Ashlee felt a surge of vindication at this¡ªbecause maybe now someone would finally believe her when she went on about how bad she had it, but she buried it beneath a furious scowl towards her older sister. She needed to remember that this wasn¡¯t a competition right now, that her friend really, really was hurt. Really bad. ¡°You pushed her!¡± Ashlee accused in a scream. ¡°I jush¡ªI jush¡ª¡± Tabby slurred out between her cries. ¡°Hey. Hey. Will you shut the hell up, already?¡± Erica¡¯s hard voice cut through. ¡°Dipshit. You¡¯re fake crying, I can tell.¡± ¡°You¡¯re the one that pushed her!¡± Ashlee yelled. ¡°She hurt her head. She fell really bad, okay?¡± ¡°Oh, shut up,¡± Erica sneered, hopping off of the trampoline and looming close. ¡°She¡¯s just being a prissy little baby.¡± ¡°She hit the porch!¡± Ashlee yelled in accusation, thrusting her arms out to encompass the distance between the twelve foot trampoline jumper in the center of their yard and the foundation slab of their back porch. ¡°There¡¯s no way she could even get over that far unless she got PUSHED!¡± ¡°She only fell so hard ¡®cause she¡¯s so fucking fat,¡± Erica shoved Ashlee out of the way. ¡°We already tried to tell her¡ªshe¡¯s too heavy to be playing around on a trampoline. It¡¯s not safe for girls like her.¡± ¡°Every time she jumped, the one end of the trampoline was coming up off the ground, she¡¯s such a lard ass!¡± Brittney called over from where she had climbed up and was now performing leisurely, carefree bounces on the trampoline. ¡°She was either gonna hurt herself, or she was gonna break the friggin¡¯ trampoline! It was gonna be one or the other.¡± ¡°She was not!¡± Ashlee screamed back. ¡°Yeah, well, this trampoline cost two hundred dollars, you little shitstain,¡± Erica retorted. ¡°When it breaks ¡®cuz she was too fat, who¡¯s gonna pay for it, huh? Her?¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna get in trouble,¡± Ashlee threatened. ¡°You pushed her.¡± ¡°I barely even touched her, don¡¯t even fucking start,¡± Erica snarled, raising a fist and feinting a stomp towards her little sister. ¡°Jesus Christ.¡± ¡°Stop!¡± Ashlee shrieked, flinching back and putting both hands up in front of her face. ¡°Stop it! You¡¯re gonna get in trouble!¡± ¡°You¡¯re not gonna say shit,¡± Erica warned. ¡°Tabby? You¡¯re not going to say shit.¡± ¡°Tabby¡ªthey¡¯re always like this, and now you really know,¡± Ashlee blurted out. ¡°Now you¡¯ll believe me. You have to. You have to tell on them!¡± ¡°I¡ªI alrea¡ªI buh-lieved you!¡± Tabby bawled, covering her face. ¡°I aw-ways buh-lieved you! I awready DID!¡± ¡°I mean like, really believed me, though,¡± Ashlee insisted. ¡°They¡¯ve pushed me off the trampoline a bunch before. Just the same as you. This is how it always is for me. Sometimes it¡¯s way worse, even.¡± Clutching at her head, Tabby sobbed and scurried away for the tall wooden fence door that separated the Taylor family¡¯s back yard from it¡¯s front yard. The pain was so overwhelming that apparently Tabby wasn¡¯t even going to say goodbye or ask anyone for permission to leave¡ªshe just wanted to go. Part of that didn¡¯t bode well for Ashlee, because she understood all too much of what must be going through her friend¡¯s thick head. Tabby just wanted to escape home, she wanted someone to feel sorry or actually care about her, she wanted as far away from Ashlee and her stupid fights with her stupid sisters as possible. ¡°Tell them she pushed you!¡± Ashlee called out. ¡°Tell your parents¡ªthen Erica¡¯ll get in big trouble!¡± Then finally they¡¯ll HAVE to do something. ¡°Shut up, shitstain,¡± Erica growled. ¡°She fell anyways, and she¡¯d better not try to be a little snitch.¡± ¡°She fell!¡± Brittany yelled from where she was still jumping. ¡°I saw the whole thing. Erica didn¡¯t even touch her. Clumsy fatass, she fell all on her own.¡± ¡°Liar! Tabby just tell them, tell them they pushed you,¡± Ashlee called again as Tabitha disappeared from sight. ¡°They can¡¯t do anything to you, they¡¯re not even allowed to touch you, so Erica¡¯s already in trouble! You¡¯re not related to them, they can¡¯t do anything!¡± ¡°Yeah? Well I can beat the shit out of you,¡± Erica pushed into Ashlee. Ashlee¡¯s hands went up on instinct to protect herself, but that just meant her own forearms crashed into her chest and chin as the much larger Erica shoved her to the lawn. She was pinned to the ground and had the breath pushed out of her almost before she could register what was going on, and then Erica¡¯s fists were hammering down across her shoulder, her back, and then trailing down her side towards her kidneys with the all too familiar meaty impacts. She saw a daze of stars at the pain and choked on dirt as she tried to draw in air. Her older sister pushed off of her with a heave to chase through the wooden door after Tabby, but Ashlee could only contort awkwardly against the scraggly grass in an attempt to pull her limbs in against herself so she could curl up into a ball. It hurt¡ªit hurt so much¡ªand every time she got a beating like this, it felt like something vital was being sapped out of her forever. Ashlee felt raw, the fresh battering atop the old bruises made her tissues feel like they were being made into mush, it made her feel like she was being chewed up and spat out by this entire stupid, cruel, and impossibly unfair world. Screaming, furious threats were audible from the distant front yard as Erica swore to take it out of Ashlee¡¯s hide if Tabitha snitched on her for pushing. It felt like a joke to Ashlee¡ªbecause Erica had already reneged and done exactly that, ensured that Ashlee paid the price before even putting that price on the table as a threat. Surely Tabby would realize that. How could she not realize? Almost insensate with pain, Ashlee could only wish with all of her vehemence that Tabby would just tell on them anyways. She knew Tabby was a little slow, but surely she wasn¡¯t stupid. She¡¯d gotten hurt herself, after all. She would tell on them. At least that way, Erica and Brittney would finally get in trouble.
As even the best nights must, Tabitha¡¯s birthday party wound down and came to a close. She watched her friends and cousins crowd along the benches beside the rental counter to remove their skates, and then she wore a grin of amusement as they awkwardly relearned how to walk without them in a strange, floaty-but-also-flatfooted gait. The cousins gave her one last chorus of happy birthdays and a hug each, then grandma Laurie gave her an extra big hug with all of the boys piling in, and then the cousins and grandmother departed. A final round of pleasantries were exchanged with her new teen friends, and Clarissa offered to help begin ferrying Tabitha¡¯s presents out to Mrs. Macintire¡¯s Acura along with Alicia. Tabitha found herself surprised by how close she¡¯d grown to Olivia within just a few hours of meeting the girl¡ªin contrast, she¡¯d barely spoken to Casey and Matthew today. Bobby received a small and carefully platonic hug from Tabitha that everyone seemed to turn and watch, Officer Williams shook her hand, and Mrs. Williams crushed her into a rather mortifying hug that almost took Tabitha¡¯s feet off the ground. Hannah was tuckered out and had draped herself into Mrs. Macintire¡¯s arms, which the woman bore with exasperated contentment. Mrs. Moreno and Elena were standing near the dwindling pile of birthday presents in an animated discussion, and as Tabitha took one last wistful look around the Fundome¡ªshe realized there was one issue in particular she still needed to address. A dark-haired girl in an athletic jacket was standing with her hands shoved in her pockets, far apart from everyone else. ¡°Ashlee?¡± Tabitha prompted as she stepped over. The dark-haired girl looked up and met her eyes with an evaluating gaze but gave no other acknowledgement. Ashlee was surprisingly pretty, if very taciturn looking, and when she used her bangs to cover her amblyopic eye like this, the resemblance to her older sister Erica was striking. It was still difficult for Tabitha to connect her to the friend from her distant childhood memories. ¡°Ashlee?¡± Tabitha asked again. ¡°What?¡± Ashlee finally grunted out. ¡°I think we need to talk,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Okay?¡± Ashlee said. ¡°Talk.¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but draw in a deep breath and then let it out in a slow sigh. This wasn¡¯t going to be easy. By some feat of implausibility, no one in her life had recognized that seven months ago, the child Tabitha Moore had been replaced with someone else entirely. Her parents seemed to have chalked it up to a difficult teenage phase, the people in the periphery of her life like her cousins and grandmother thought she was just finally coming out of her shell, and her new friends had no way of knowing any better. Ashlee was different, though¡ªshe was the one person who had known the previous Tabby better than anyone else. ¡°Are we¡­ friends?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°No,¡± Ashlee shrugged. She seemed to have already decided that. ¡°I don¡¯t know you.¡± ¡°We were friends earlier this year,¡± Tabitha probed. ¡°Right?¡± ¡°No,¡± Ashlee shook her head in flat refusal. ¡°We weren¡¯t. I don¡¯t know you.¡± ¡°Are you saying we were never friends,¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°Or, are you saying I¡¯m not Tabitha Moore?¡± ¡°You¡¯re not,¡± Ashlee said. ¡°We weren¡¯t. So, both. You¡¯re not her, we were never friends, and I don¡¯t know why everyone thinks you¡¯re her.¡± ¡°Because I¡¯m very obviously a completely different person?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Obviously,¡± Ashlee agreed with a hesitant shrug, finally looking uncomfortable. ¡°So¡ªwhy? How? What happened to her? How does this even¡ªI don¡¯t have any idea what¡¯s even going on. It¡¯s just¡­ baffling.¡± ¡°I was Tabitha once,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°A long, long time ago. Longer than you would believe.¡± ¡°You mean you were like Tabitha,¡± Ashlee corrected with a look of irritation. ¡°You weren¡¯t literally Tabitha. You¡¯re not her.¡± ¡°You¡¯re half right. Half wrong? It¡¯s why I say ¡®longer than you would believe,¡¯¡± Tabitha afforded the girl a small concession in the form of a shrug. ¡°I do remember you, though. Just barely. It wasn¡¯t right away, but I did remember you eventually.¡±¡¯ ¡°Yeah, okay,¡± Ashlee stared at Tabitha as though she was crazy. ¡°I¡¯m interested in what you do believe,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°No one else was close enough to even really notice¡ªisn¡¯t that a little bit sad? Do you think I¡¯m a doppelganger? A doppelganger is a creature or apparition that steals someone¡¯s appearance, and tries to take their place. But, I don¡¯t look anything like you remember, so even that won¡¯t be a very fitting answer for you.¡± ¡°I know what a doppelganger is,¡± Ashlee sneered. ¡°I watch TV.¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha nodded along. ¡°So¡ªwhat is it? Do you think it¡¯s from hitting my head? Maybe that bad spill off of the trampoline knocked my noggin in just the wrong way¡ªor just the right way¡ªand changed my personality? Unlocked the higher portions of my brain? Allowed some other person to possess me?¡± ¡°No,¡± Ashlee blew out a dismissive huff. ¡°You¡¯re not even her. And she didn¡¯t ¡®take a bad spill.¡¯¡± ¡°You¡¯re right, I didn¡¯t ¡®take a bad spill,¡¯¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Your sister pushed me, and then threatened me into silence.¡± ¡°You just found that out afterwards,¡± Ashlee scowled. ¡°You¡¯re not her. I don¡¯t know what happened to Tabitha, but what I do know is that that¡¯s when she disappeared. Right after the trampoline thing. Because, Tabitha would¡¯ve told on them for pushing her. You don¡¯t know Tabitha like I do.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I did tell on them. I told on them to my dad almost right away. I was just this blubbering, sobbing mess, and I was angry and hurt and I needed sympathy. So, I told him.¡± ¡°No, you didn¡¯t,¡± Ashlee snapped, her volume rising. ¡°She didn¡¯t. You didn¡¯t say anything. Tabitha didn¡¯t say anything. Nobody said anything, because nothing happened, because nothing ever happens.¡± ¡°I made him promise to keep it secret,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You told them Erica pushed you, and then made him keep it secret,¡± Ashlee repeated with a sarcastic scoff. ¡°That doesn¡¯t even make any fucking sense.¡± ¡°I know it doesn¡¯t,¡± Tabitha gave another helpless shrug. ¡°But also, it kinda does. I was afraid Erica or Brittney would find out I ¡®snitched,¡¯ that I would face their retaliation. Erica threatened that she would hurt you if I told anyone, but, honestly? I was only thinking of myself. I was just terrified she would hurt me, or make my life hell. ¡°It was self-centered and cruel of me, and it makes me a terrible friend¡ªbut, there it is. I prioritized my own well-being over my first real friendship, and it cost me¡­ it cost me a lot more than even just that friendship, a part of me just had to live with that, and never lived well with that. Hah, just listen to me, though¡ªyou were the one that really paid a price for all of it.¡± ¡°No,¡± Ashlee rejected it all with forthright refusal. ¡°That¡¯s all¡ªthat¡¯s all bullshit. You¡¯re not Tabitha, and no one said anything. No one told on Erica for that, not to Tabby¡¯s dad, not to anyone. Tabby¡¯s dad would¡¯ve gone and done something about it the second he¡¯d known, duh. It would have come down on Erica for that, for pushing Tabby and getting her hurt.¡± ¡°I told him,¡± Tabitha insisted in a firm voice. ¡°Then, he either didn¡¯t believe me, or he didn¡¯t care enough to do anything about it, or he just brushed it off. I don¡¯t know, to him maybe it was just kids messing around, somebody got hurt. Bad luck, and not really anyone¡¯s fault.¡± ¡°Bullshit,¡± Ashlee crossed her arms. ¡°No, no bullshit,¡± Tabitha wanted to sigh all over again. ¡°Turned out that set quite the precedent, in fact. I told them I was being bullied for being fat and being trash¡ªin return I got you¡¯re not fat, how can you say that? Everything¡¯s perfectly fine, Tabitha. Didn¡¯t believe me until I get put in the hospital again for being pushed around.¡± Tabitha hefted her hand in its cast for emphasis, and watched Ashlee¡¯s eyes flick towards it. ¡°Didn¡¯t believe me until it was too late, until I had a break and a fracture and realized I was still being bullied, because right after that, some girls stole my notebook and hid it in the trash. When I tell him our Aunt is doing heroin, that she¡¯s a danger to her children and toxic to our family, I get you¡¯re overreacting, your aunt¡¯s FAMILY, she would never do that. So, I take her purse to the police, and, voila¡ªsurprise, surprise. Heroin.¡± Ashlee continued to regard Tabitha with nothing but a stare. ¡°So, yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I did tell him, and yeah, he was never going to do anything about it. I knew that. Deep in my bones, I knew that. That he wouldn¡¯t believe me, or he wouldn¡¯t treat it with due diligence, or that he just¡ªwouldn¡¯t act on it. In his eyes we¡¯re all just kids, little girls playing around, obviously if someone gets hurt it¡¯s just an accident. If we think otherwise and there¡¯s hurt feelings or we feel wronged, well¡ªwe just need to grow up, in his eyes. That¡¯s how it always was. For me. For you. I know you know what I¡¯m talking about. I may not remember much about our friendship, but I do remember that what brought us together, what always kept us together¡ªit was that. That sense of futility. Unfairness. Helpless anger that just¡ªthat just¡ªit just seeps into you and starts to poison everything.¡± The stoic facade Ashlee had been projecting seemed to grow uncomfortable at the sheer vehemence in Tabitha¡¯s tirade. ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha paused to take a breath. ¡°Losing my¡ªmy composure. Been dwelling on a lot of stuff. Meeting my parents for dinner tomorrow, and, and. All of that¡¯s coming up. Coming out. I, I don¡¯t mean to prop all of that up as some kind of excuse for my actions, because all of that aside, the bottom line is that I did just¡­ weigh my friendship with you against how frightening Erica and Brittney were to me, and¡ªand I made the selfish choice. I was a bad friend. I¡¯m owning up to that.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not her,¡± Ashlee repeated. ¡°I¡¯m¡ªlisten, I¡¯m trying not to be her,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯m trying to finish getting past that. I don¡¯t think I even very much like you, because you aren¡¯t any better of a friend than I was. But, no, I don¡¯t blame you, and yes, I understand why you hid their things or stole their things, why you blamed me for all of it. Why you were hurt or angry or felt betrayed and just¡ªsicced your bipolar sister on me.¡± The dark-haired girl staring at her seemed to tense up and her stare took on a certain strange intensity. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said in a flat voice. ¡°Ashlee, that almost got me killed. So. While I have plenty of guilt about what happened, and how it happened, and how things went with you¡ªthat doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m filled with a ton of sympathy for you. I was a terrible friend. You were also a terrible friend. We¡¯re even, as far as I¡¯m concerned. I appreciate you coming here to my party, but those ¡®gifts?¡¯ I¡¯m going to personally return those to Erica, and I¡¯m going to explain to her¡ªwith everyone¡¯s help¡ªthat I did not steal them from her.¡± ¡°So¡ªso what?! Oh, so now everyone will believe you when you have things to say,¡± Ashlee finally retorted. ¡°Funny how that works out.¡± ¡°Yes, they will,¡± Tabitha suppressed a surge of rage. ¡°Now they will. It took¡ªit took a lot, and nothing I can say will make you even believe what I went through to start actually reaching people who fucking listen to what I have to say. Build some shred of credibility with them that I¡¯m not just emotional, or exaggerating, or making things up. ¡°Ashlee, I may not have told on Erica back then to anyone who¡¯d have believed me, if anyone even would, or said anything about your abuse situation right away, but I was eventually the one who told the school board to check you for bruises. Once everything with me and school was going south and they were not just listening to what I had to say, but listening very, very carefully.¡± ¡°Yeah, thanks,¡± Ashlee spat. ¡°Ashlee¡ª¡± Tabitha grit her teeth for a moment. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I am sorry. I was a shitty friend, and then so were you. You don¡¯t even have to say sorry for what you did, if you don¡¯t want to. I get it. But I, I¡ªI¡¯m past it. I¡¯m so far past it that I truly, genuinely have struggled to regain my bearings on the whole¡­ issue. We¡¯re even, as far as I¡¯m concerned. I¡¯m growing up and moving on. I invite you to do the same, and, and if you want I would welcome starting over, starting a new friendship with you. Neither of us can change what happened, both of us are going back to school soon, and¡ªyeah. That¡¯s it. I¡¯ve said my piece, I¡¯ve said everything, and. Who we are to each other from here on out? That¡¯s all up to you.¡± ¡°Before I just thought you weren¡¯t Tabitha,¡± Ashlee said after a long moment of stubborn consideration. ¡°Now I know you aren¡¯t her. You really just don¡¯t get it. You never will.¡± Then the girl predictably stormed off, with her jaw stiff and arms crossed in front of her. Tabitha watched the girl in the rain jacket march off through the Florence Fundome¡¯s exit doors and outside. ¡°Great. Yeah, just¡­ brilliant,¡± Tabitha cursed, almost scratching her face with the worn fiberglass cast as she brought both her hands up. ¡°Great.¡± ¡°You okay?¡± Bobby startled her from just behind her¡ªTabitha hadn¡¯t realized he¡¯d crept in so close. ¡°I¡ªwhere did you come from?¡± Tabitha hugged her arms against herself in embarrassment. ¡°Uhh, sorry,¡± Bobby gave her a sheepish smile. ¡°That seemed like it was getting, um, tense. I was all like, ready to jump in and save the day. Keep y¡¯all from throwin¡¯ punches or anything like that.¡± ¡°Right. Yeah, I¡­ how much of all that did you hear?¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but cringe. ¡°Didn¡¯t mean to¡ª¡± ¡°All went in one ear and out the other,¡± Bobby promised, holding his hands up. ¡°None o¡¯ my business, I figure.¡± ¡°Then¡­ thank you,¡± Tabitha let herself relax slightly. ¡°You do look like you could use a hug,¡± Bobby spread his arms. ¡°S¡¯actually why I really came over here. Fishin¡¯ for another hug.¡± With a wry smile, she obliged him and stepped forward into his arms. Unlike the previous awkward hug, Bobby was dressed to go now and had donned his somewhat puffy winter sport coat. This extra layer between them made all the difference, the padding doing wonders to make her less self-conscious about pressing teenage bodies of the opposite sex together. She squeezed her arms around him tight, and he gave her a pat on the back, and¡ªshe felt better. Tabitha blushed and felt silly, but she couldn¡¯t deny it. She did feel better. A hug had been just what she needed, and Bobby¡¯s charming nonsense had a way of easing the anxiety she felt around cute boys. He was good looking but not a hunk, his smile didn¡¯t take her breath away. Instead she was finding herself attracted to him simply because he made her comfortable to be around. It was all too easy to imagine life stressing herself out and running her ragged and then just going to Bobby and feeling like everything was okay. For a long, suspenseful moment Tabitha turned from where she was resting her chin on his shoulder and considered giving him a kiss on the cheek¡ªbut the moment passed, and the two disengaged. Nope, nope. Nope! Tabitha felt blood rush to her face as she hurried to turn away. Was just a sudden impulse! Not when I¡¯m still thirteen. FOURTEEN, I¡¯m fourteen now. Maybe in¡­ maybe in another year or two, when I¡¯ve grown up a bit. Or grown down a bit, or¡ªI have no idea what¡¯s even happening with my mental maturity. Even just now with Ashlee, I¡ªI had what I WANTED to say, what I planned to say, and then she got under my skin, and my temper flared and uh. Uhh, now I actually think I need to set aside some time tonight to actually think about everything I actually wound up saying to her. 48, A very difficult dinner. The long drive back from Florence was quiet, with Tabitha conceding the Acura¡¯s passenger seat to Elena so that she could sit in the backseat with Alicia and Hannah. The girls were all tired, and Hannah immediately leaned her head onto Tabitha¡¯s arm and nodded off. Aside from a few softly spoken remarks, both of her friends seemed lost in their own thoughts, and Tabitha had plenty to think about herself. It was a good birthday party, Tabitha gently combed her fingers through Hannah¡¯s hair. Not PERFECT, exactly, but maybe the best one I¡¯ve ever had. I feel like I¡¯m on the path towards what I want. Friends to spend time with, lots of them. Girls to jog with the mornings. People to talk with and hang out with at school. Maybe I¡¯ll even date Bobby¡ªwho knows? It¡¯s all juvenile teen nonsense, and I¡¯m just so UNBELIEVABLY excited for it. Some of it¡¯s shallow, a lot of it¡¯s stereotypical growing-up stuff¡­ just, it¡¯s incredible how much it means to me. I wasn¡¯t able to appreciate any of it until all these chances were gone, last life. Although she knew it was an incredibly minor milestone, it also felt good to finally be fourteen, a more solid teenager age. Mature sensibilities and perspectives would seem slightly less uncanny and out of place now, hopefully, until maybe when she was sixteen or seventeen no one would find her unusual at all. It¡¯s strange the things I want to feel SPECIAL for, and then the areas where I just crave being perceived as NORMAL for. My future knowledge, all of the differences those things make upon me feel UNEARNED. I don¡¯t want to stand out from my peers for being smarter when I¡¯m not actually any smarter. I¡¯m not more intelligent or insightful or quick of wit than my peers, not if you discount my future experiences. The big green highway sign for Springton¡¯s exit appeared along their right hand side, and Mrs. Macintire let out a soft cheer. Tabitha and Alicia exchanged glances in the near-dark of the car as they made their turn-off, and in the front seat Elena adjusted the way she was sitting, pulling her knees up to her chest so that she could rub her feet¡ªall of the skaters had been walking a little funny at the end of the night. Which reminds me, I have new shoes to break in! Tabitha thought. I was surprised by those. Thought for sure Elena would give me a blouse, or a hoodie or something for my birthday, something¡­ FASHION. I mean, I guess shoes are fashion, but I didn¡¯t expect running shoes? Just like I kind of assumed Alicia was going to draw me a sketch for a birthday gift, and instead she wound up painting a model. Many of the gifts were interesting but also somewhat baffling¡ªthe personal CD player, for instance, Tabitha couldn¡¯t think of a use for. Unlike an older Walkman, or the iPods and MP3 players that would appear soon in the future, she couldn¡¯t use the portable CD player while she was out jogging. She¡¯d checked the packaging and confirmed that this early model of player didn¡¯t have ESP¡ªelectronic skip protection, so any bounce or slight knock would jar the disk and stop whatever music was playing mid-track. I guess if I¡¯m running with Casey and Elena though, I won¡¯t need music? Music in general is a frustrating affair for me anyways, because a lot of random music I might find myself in the mood for just doesn¡¯t even exist yet. Can¡¯t just click up an Evanescence playlist when Amy Lee¡¯s still in high school!
¡°Hey bro,¡± Bobby called, shucking off his jacket and stumbling through darkness and cigarette smoke of the townhouse. Their CRT television set in the entertainment center was showing a paused game of Command & Conquer: Red Alert Retaliation, its bright colors grainy with pixelation. There, a small bevy of red ore trucks were frozen mid-motion across an ore field pockmarked with craters, under the apparent supervision of a lone soviet tank. The glow of the screen illuminated his brother¡¯s easy chair occupying the center of the cluttered room, a borrowed stepladder next to it shelving empty cans of Dr Pepper and packs of Marlboro Reds, his ashtray, and his glass pipe on its steps. Joe twisted half out of his seat to regard him with a bleary but expectant face. ¡°If you didn¡¯t get to second base tonight, you¡¯re a homo.¡± ¡°Naw,¡± Bobby let out an uneasy laugh. ¡°Wasn¡¯t even like that.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Joe took a drag from his cigarette and rubbed his face. ¡°You eat?¡± ¡°Pizza, yeah,¡± Bobby kicked off his shoes into a nearby pile of dirty laundry, knocking over more empty Dr Pepper cans. ¡°You bring me any?!¡± Joe griped in mock indignation. ¡°Naw¡ªwasn¡¯t mine to bring,¡± Bobby dropped onto the sofa. ¡°You waitin¡¯ on me? Bro it¡¯s like, after midnight.¡± ¡°Was gonna make spaghetti for us,¡± Joe shook his head in dismay, unpausing the game and letting his ore trucks lurch forward and scoop ore, each truck turning left and right and then left again as their rudimentary AI attempted to path. ¡°But, then I figured hey¡ªyou must be out gettin¡¯ lucky.¡± ¡°Naw,¡± Bobby laughed again. ¡°It was some spooky shit though, I tell you what.¡± ¡°No shit?¡± Joe panned the view across clusters of cliff faces and scattered trees towards a bunch of red base structures. ¡°Well, fuck¡ªput a thing of water on the stove for me, then.¡± ¡°A¡¯ight,¡± Bobby groaned, heaving back up. ¡°So, no second base?¡± Joe asked again. ¡°Faggot. First base? You two make out, at least?¡± ¡°Naw, no bases¡ªI¡¯m tellin¡¯ you, it was spooky shit. Like uh, like first act of an X-files episode, almost.¡± ¡°No shit?¡± ¡°Yeah, no shit.¡± ¡°Well, come on then.¡± ¡°Alright, so¡ª¡± Bobby shifted the pile of dishes waiting in the sink in search of a pot, then found it in the cabinet. ¡°So, first we went and saw Pleasantville, then we drove all the way over to Floren¡ª¡± ¡°Pleasantville any good?¡± ¡°Yeah, actually,¡± Bobby filled the pot with tap water. ¡°Kinda like uh, like the Truman Show, where everything¡¯s fake. Except things are all switched around, so he¡¯s the only one in the know, and everyone else has no idea yet.¡± ¡°Huh.¡± ¡°But like, Tabitha¡¯s party¡ªit¡¯s her, mom, grandmom, her little sister, a bunch of little cousins, and then like¡ªeight of us teens? I think. And then Officer Williams and his wife.¡± ¡°Anyone I¡¯d know?¡± ¡°Casey was there. Casey and Matthew.¡± ¡°Casey¡¯s cool.¡± ¡°So, anyways,¡ªlike everything seems all normal mostly but kinda like, off also, like you¡¯re watching X-files and kinda wondering what¡¯s up and starting to see weird stuff that turns out to be clues and shit.¡± ¡°Right, right.¡± ¡°Well, turns out that like, of all the people invited to her birthday party, only like, two of them even knew her,¡± Bobby said, sliding a bunch of uncooked spaghetti out of its box and measuring out a portion with his thumb and forefinger. He then broke the bunch in half so that it would all fit in the water of the pot with none sticking out, set the pot on a burner, and shuffled back over to the sofa. ¡°...Huh.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Bobby ran his fingers through his hair. ¡°But not like, just me¡ªthe mom and little sister turned out to not even be her real mom and little sister, turned out to be the family of this other cop guy. Maybe the grandma and cousins, too? I dunno. They were this¡­ whole other separate family who barely even knew her, they¡¯ve been fostering Tabitha for the past few weeks, ¡®cause she apparently narc¡¯ed on her real family, in like a drug bust thing? Casey was telling me about it.¡± ¡°Fuck, she¡¯s a narc?¡± ¡°Well, naw, it was like¡ªheroin or meth, so¡­¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Joe grunted. ¡°Alright, yeah. Fair. Continue.¡± ¡°So, she has her two actual friends there, yeah, but then everyone else had either just met her that day, or only ever met her once or twice,¡± Bobby said. ¡°Myself included there. This one girl showed up super late, like missed the movie even, and would barely even talk to Tabitha. It was like she was seething at the fact she was forced to be there. This other girl showed up with her boyfriend, looked super pissed off the whole time. Tabitha wound up sitting with her most of the night at the skate thing, so it was hard to just hang out and chill with her.¡± ¡°She was pissed off, too? Tabitha?¡± ¡°No, no she was cool¡ªI think it was like she felt obligated to spend time with the pissed off chick so that pissy chick¡¯s night wasn¡¯t as shitty. To be a good host or whatever, you know?¡± ¡°Still, though. On her birthday? You said skate thing? You guys go to a skate park?¡± ¡°Nah, some roller rink.¡± ¡°Pssh. Lame. Where at?¡± ¡°Way out in¡ªI don¡¯t remember the name of it. Long drive away.¡± ¡°E-town? Radcliff?¡± Joe guessed. ¡°How was it?¡± ¡°It was alright,¡± Bobby shrugged. ¡°Just¡ªweird. It was this suspiciously normal birthday party, ¡®cept from all the people that got invited, pretty much no one even knew her. So, it felt kinda staged and¡­ fake? It was weird.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Joe took another drag. ¡°That¡¯s pretty weird, bro. So, no nothing? You shoot your shot?¡± ¡°Wasn¡¯t any shot to make,¡± Bobby shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s like uh, like I¡¯ve got the ball, yeah? Turn to make my shot, and¡ªno hoop on that side of the court, yet. Nothin¡¯ set up, no hoop, no net, no backboard¡ªpole¡¯s not even there. No shot to even make. Nada.¡± ¡°Shit,¡± Joe blew out smoke. ¡°Was she all freaked out about it?¡± ¡°Naw, she was¡ªit was like she was trying to have a good time,¡± Bobby shrugged again. ¡°Sat next to me for the movie, seemed like she liked it. Couldn¡¯t skate though, doctor¡¯s orders or whatever. She¡¯s got her hand in that cast, and all. I think¡­ I think she¡¯s just like in a super weird spot, and Officer Williams and them just kind of set up this whole thing today to try an¡¯ give her something normal?¡± ¡°Sounds like a bunch of work, if you¡¯re tryin¡¯ to be all set on her,¡± Joe said, turning again to regard his brother. ¡°You sure about this chick? How old is she?¡± ¡°I like her,¡± Bobby found himself getting defensive. ¡°It was alright. Weird, but alright. I figure if I can get her alone or to like¡ªwhere it¡¯s just her and her actual real friends, she¡¯d be more herself. At the party she was kinda on edge, ¡®cause she barely knew anyone.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fuckin¡¯ weird, bro,¡± Joe shook his head in dismay. ¡°Her own damn party. You put water on the stove?¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± Bobby said. ¡°Didn¡¯t see any spaghetti sauce or nothin¡¯, though.¡± ¡°Fuck it, I¡¯m hungry,¡± Joe scoffed, leaning forward in his chair and gripping the controller. Yellow enemy tanks had suddenly rolled into his ore field, and were making a beeline for his ore trucks. ¡°Youuu dirty fuckers¡ª¡± ¡°Gave her your copy of Willow for her birthday present.¡± ¡°Shut up¡ª!¡± Joe said in indignation, pausing the game again so he could search for the familiar VHS tape he normally had displayed on top of the entertainment center. It was gone. ¡°Bro, listen¡ª¡± ¡°You fucker,¡± Joe groused, returning to his game in irritation. ¡°That was still mint condition and everything. Still in plastic. Mint condition. Was gonna pass that down to my grandkids.¡± ¡°Bro¡ªthis way, it¡¯s like I¡¯ve set up a date to watch it with her sometime,¡± Bobby explained. ¡°I¡¯ll buy you a new copy. I¡¯ve got it all worked out, trust me bro.¡± ¡°Fuck,¡± Joe shook his head. ¡°Yeah, like you can even find one. You know how long it took me to come across that one? Fuck.¡± ¡°Swear to God, I¡¯ll get you another one. Mint condition, just like that one was.¡± ¡°Little bro¡­ listen, she¡¯s cute and all, but¡ª¡± ¡°She is pretty cute.¡± ¡°¡ªBut, if she doesn¡¯t like Willow? If she watches with you, and doesn¡¯t like it? That¡¯s like, the deal breaker. She doesn¡¯t like it, you say okay, you walk out and never talk to her again. Willow is the ligmus test for whether or not she¡¯s the one for you, bro.¡± ¡°Ligmus? Litmus?¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m pretty sure it¡¯s ligmus,¡± Joe said, swearing and tapping buttons on the Playstation controller in aggravation as his red soviet tank finally succumbed to the persistent fire of two yellow tanks and an APC. ¡°Fuuuck. You ligmus bastards.¡± ¡°No worries there,¡± Bobby had full confidence. ¡°How can she not love Willow? She¡¯s cool, she¡¯ll like it. I think she¡¯s the one, bro.¡± ¡°If you say so. You put my shit on the stove?¡± ¡°Already said I did.¡± ¡°Alright, cool,¡± Joe heaved a sigh as he used the cursor to shepherd his ore trucks back towards his base¡ªyellow deciding to harry them with potshots the entire way. ¡°Well, she did invite you. That¡¯s something.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Bobby nodded to himself. ¡°I was¡ªactually, I was the only other guy there who wasn¡¯t already with someone. Other dudes were just Matthew, and he¡¯s with Casey, and then this guy Michael, and he was the boyfriend of the pissed-off chick. I sat next to Tabitha through Pleasantville.¡± ¡°Hold hands or anything?¡± ¡°A little bit,¡± Bobby hedged. ¡°Niiiiice,¡± Joe said, quickly pausing the game so he could extend a fist bump. ¡°Bro.¡± ¡°It was just a little bit,¡± Bobby tapped knuckles with his brother. ¡°But, I mean¡ªstill.¡± ¡°Yeah, still.¡± ¡°That¡¯s something. And, she did invite me. Like, personally came to Mickey Dees to see me, invitation with my name on it an¡¯ everything.¡± ¡°Definitely something,¡± Joe agreed, returning to his game. ¡°Weird shit too, though.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Bobby sighed. ¡°Damn, though. Definitely crushin¡¯ on her bad.¡± ¡°Uh-huh.¡± ¡°Think I just need to make sure I can hang out with her again,¡± Bobby stared up at the dark ceiling. ¡°Have it to where it¡¯s just with her and her two friends, so that it¡¯s¡­ real. I dunno if I was just gettin¡¯ spooked, or if it was the Pleasantville movie we saw givin¡¯ me heebie jeebies or what, but. Was kinda like I was getting worried I was just put into a role, instead of really there, you know? With the way things kind of seemed fake or staged or whatever. Like, it¡¯s like this time they cast me as a potential interest, and it¡¯s cool and all that I was their number one casting choice for that, that¡¯s¡­ a positive sign? I think? But, I want to be her interest for real, you know?¡± ¡°She seem interested?¡± Joe asked. ¡°I¡­ man, I dunno,¡± Bobby shrugged and quirked a smile. ¡°I hope so?¡±
¡°Are you okay?¡± Hannah looked up at Tabitha with trepidation. ¡°Hm?¡± Tabitha jolted out of her¡ªwell, she would say she was jolted out of her thoughts, but in truth she hadn¡¯t really been thinking about anything. She¡¯d simply been gazing off in the direction of the far living room wall, staring at nothing in particular. It was the morning after the night of the party, Barb had been placed on the window sill above the kitchen sink, but the rest of her presents remained in a neat stack beside the bed in her room. Tabitha wasn¡¯t in the right state of mind to look through them again. ¡°You seem upset,¡± Hannah said. ¡°I¡¯m not upset,¡± Tabitha assured the little girl with a tired smile. ¡°I¡¯m just¡ªI don¡¯t know. I¡¯m just a little out of it, this morning. Thinkin¡¯ ¡®bout stuff.¡± ¡°What kinda stuff?¡± ¡°Bobby. Ashlee. School. Worried about seeing my parents for dinner.¡± ¡°Worried?¡± Hannah gave her a strange look. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Ummm,¡± Tabitha sank herself down deeper into the Macintire¡¯s sofa. ¡°That¡¯s a very very big question¡ªand right now, I¡¯m just a very very small teenage girl.¡± ¡°You¡¯re way bigger than me,¡± Hannah pointed out. ¡°You¡¯re fourteen now.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°For now, I¡¯m bigger. But, you¡¯re growing so fast! I think you¡¯ve sprouted up three or four feet, just since I started staying here with you all. Three or four feet, at least. You¡¯ll be bigger than me in no time.¡± ¡°Pfft, yeah I wish,¡± Hannah snorted. ¡°I¡¯m not even up to four foot tall, yet. It sucks. Like every single Disney princess is way taller. Pocahontas is the tallest.¡± ¡°Hannah Banana?¡± Tabitha reached up to tug on the babyfat of the little girl¡¯s cheeks. ¡°Don¡¯t you grow up too fast. It¡¯s really not all it''s cracked up to be.¡±
As their truck coasted down the road towards the restaurant Shannon Moore couldn¡¯t help but feel her ever-present inferiority darken with even deeper humiliation as she clutched the bucket in her lap. The bucket was one of the few things Tabitha had asked for, so of course they made sure to pick it up for her birthday. However¡­ it was a bucket. She had made sure to accompany her husband to the Home Depot in Sandboro to make sure he picked up the best one, but Mr. Moore and the sales associates there had simply given her helpless looks. ¡°There¡¯s some little pink play buckets for taking to the beach or, or playing in a sandbox, but Tabby was sayin¡¯ she wanted one for composting,¡± Mr. Moore had explained, instead hefting a horribly plain five-gallon bucket. ¡°Trust me, this is what she wants.¡± ¡°I¡ªI can understand that,¡± Mrs. Moore had colored. ¡°It¡¯s just¡ªit¡¯s very¡ªit doesn¡¯t look very nice.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a bucket,¡± Mr. Moore had explained with a patient sigh, exchanging a glance with the Home Depot employee. ¡°If¡¯n she wants, she can decorate it with pretty li¡¯l stickers or whatever she decides, hon. Composting is¡ªwell there ain¡¯t no other way to say it, compostin¡¯ is dumpin¡¯ in all sorts of kitchen scraps and leavings and what have you, lettin¡¯ them rot down into compost. Coffee grounds, banana peels, egg shells, whatever¡¯s biodegradable an¡¯ll break down. S¡¯not gonna wind up pretty, hon. S¡¯gonna smell like a trash can.¡± ¡°I¡ªI realize that!¡± Mrs. Moore had snapped at him, a little more harshly than she¡¯d intended. ¡°But it¡¯s not JUST for composting¡ªit¡¯s for her birthday.¡± The worker in his orange apron had shown them the actual official composters Home Depot had for sale, but the smallest one they had available right now was an eighty-gallon one, and she couldn¡¯t imagine how anyone would even begin to fill it. They settled on the five-gallon bucket, just a plain unassuming white plastic bucket with a wire bail to hold it by. The design was so simple and utilitarian that Shannon Moore found herself growing upset, and picking out a nice set of gardening gloves and a cute little gardening trowel to put in the bucket for now hadn¡¯t been quite enough to mollify her. She¡¯s turning fourteen years old, this is¡ªthis is no kind of present for a teenage girl, Mrs. Moore had felt suffocated by her own inadequacy. We¡¯ll try the other big stores. Braving the overcrowded holiday season aisles of the Walmart for a more appropriate ladylike gift had turned into a disaster. It was mortifying for Shannon to realize her fashion sense savvy seemed to have been left in the dust of 1985. Although she was passingly familiar with modern trends from television, the popular style of the late nineties she witnessed now across the racks remained incomprehensible to her. None of this womenswear seemed cool or larger than life or even visually interesting¡ªit was all flannel in dull earthy tones, denim, unbearably plain shirts and tops in basic colors that at best featured a single boring stripe or some such artsy minimalist design Mrs. Moore didn¡¯t care for. The ones Tabitha put together with her grandmother were a million times better than any of this overpriced nonsense! Mrs. Moore told herself with a frown, shaking her head in disappointment. In the end, she had picked out a rather smart-looking light gray scarf and winter hat set. Every other purchase throughout Walmart gridlocked her with indecision, all of the cute things like stuffed animals she suspected would be too childish for her daughter, and likewise all of the more practical kitchenwares she picked through weren¡¯t good enough¡ªTabitha would like them, but they seemed droll and unexciting for a teenage birthday party. Flipping through a plastic display of posters made her realize she knew little about Tabby¡¯s taste in music, and then slowly shuffling her way past the other customers down the bedding aisle and seeing that decorative pillows were in with teens gave her pause. Tabitha had held onto that Flounder pillow that had been part of her Halloween getup, but would she have any interest in a round one that was simply a big smiley face? Would she care for the swanky retro one that simply had the words Let¡¯s Go, Girls! in bold curling font? It didn¡¯t seem likely. A fluffy faux-fur pillow in horrific shades of either bright blue or bright pink? Tweety-bird from Looney Tunes was inexplicably popular along the shelves, but Mrs. Moore simply couldn¡¯t imagine the gaudy toon face sparking her daughter¡¯s interest. The shopping trip felt like a crisis, and with each passing minute she was acutely aware of how little she really knew her daughter. This deepened the sense of dread and loss she felt, and despite the crowds of Christmas shoppers and her husband beginning to fret over her discomposure, Mrs. Moore felt herself having another small breakdown. Part of the difficulty here in choosing things for Tabitha was the simple proximity of the girl¡¯s birthday to Christmas¡ªseveral months ago they¡¯d picked out those presents, a nifty sportswear outfit so she didn¡¯t have to wear ratty old clothes when she was out running, and a new pair of shoes for her. What on God¡¯s green earth did that leave for them to get her for her fourteenth? Her writing means the world to her, Mrs. Moore found herself sinking deep into thought. I¡¯d love to get her a personal computer, but good heavens that¡¯s just too big of a price tag! These electric typewriters are going for ninety-nine dollars¡ªwhich is still a lot to spend, but at least she would be able to get her story properly transcribed so that it¡¯s more official and fit for a publisher. If she was heading into college, we would definitely get her one. But, she might see a typewriter as too clunky and old-fashioned, and by the time she DOES get to college, they say everyone will be using computer word processors! They couldn¡¯t afford either right now, and so a fuming Mrs. Moore led her husband away from the electronics department and over to where the school supplies and stationery was. It was all too easy to get riled up and feeling furious all over again at her sister-in-law Lisa Moore¡ªif they hadn¡¯t given that damned junkie most of their savings in exchange for that worthless beater of a car, their family would at least be able to get Tabitha something to learn to type on! It felt absolutely paltry after browsing through the electronics, but Mrs. Moore finally settled on buying an impressive-looking name brand Trapper Keeper, so that Tabitha would be able to replace the cheapo blue binder she kept her Goblin Princess draft in. The choice of covers were mirror-surfaced marbles with checkerboards and a racecar, or a cartoon unicorn and a half-moon with a face in kiddie colors, or a computer wire-frame patterns with palm trees, dolphin, and a sunset, and then finally, a painted van art style rendition of a nebula and planets done up in fantastic airbrushed purples and blacks. When she remembered Tabitha had remarked on van art style paintings in her story notes, she felt that this was the one. The painted clouds, stars, and solar system of planets seemed beautiful in a romantic sort of way, but also struck Mrs. Moore as stylish and cool, and so she returned the others to the display and hugged her pick close, satisfied with it. The Trapper Keeper was five dollars, so she was then able to justify searching around the aisle for every possible accessory to go with it; gel pens, color-coded page tabs, blank label stickers, a pack of plastic page protectors, more college-rule notebook paper, and even a few folders with holes punched through them that would fit within the Keeper itself. It still wasn¡¯t enough, but Mrs. Moore suspected that nothing ever would be. Their daughter had left them to live with another family, and that hurt wasn¡¯t something that could be band-aided over with well wishes or gifts of any kind. Tabitha had needed them to be proper parents, for them to stand up to Lisa as that nasty woman pushed her way into everything with reckless abandon. Instead, when Alan put his foot down on the issue it was on just the exact wrong side of things¡ªhe put his foot down and just might as well have stepped in dogshit. She¡¯d screamed and sobbed and argued him down after the fact until her throat was sore, but it was too late. She¡¯d cursed and sworn and seethed vitriol about the Lisa situation to her husband, she¡¯d hit him more than once¡ªshe was ashamed of striking him, but also unable to bring herself to actually apologize¡ªbut it didn¡¯t matter. Tabitha was gone to stay with the Macintires. Worst of all, Mrs. Moore knew Tabitha would have a better time there. They¡¯d failed her as parents, and not for the first time.
Tabitha stepped out of the Acura and into the parking lot with a frown, breath puffing visibly in the air. Their Springton Applebee¡¯s appeared expensive and well-maintained, but never quite nice to Tabitha¡ªthere was a certain unsettling veneer of superficiality to the establishment here she couldn¡¯t shake off. The rust-colored brick facade and cement sidewalk had both been pressure-washed free of grime recently, but managed to look scoured bare, rather than clean and new. Decorative bushes hedged in around the restaurant had been pruned back too far, exposing thick branch stubs to the December air, and then the chunky landscaping gravel beneath was that too-clean shade of artificial white. Perhaps some corporate checklist full of OVERBEARING FRANCHISE ENTHUSIASM gets conveyed to the employees here, and they¡¯re simply not paid enough to do more than go through the motions? Tabitha wondered to herself, feeling grim. No, no¡ªI¡¯m nitpicking. I just don¡¯t really want to have this big serious resolution of all the stupid issues with my immediate family at an APPLEBEE¡¯S. She did honestly miss her parents, but that didn¡¯t mean she felt ready to see them again just yet. Lines had been crossed and things perhaps better left unsaid had been spoken and couldn¡¯t be unspoken. Not all of this was her fault, but at this point it didn¡¯t matter to her where blame went¡ªthe entire situation was ugly. Future perspective tended to further sour her outlook on things, and it was hard to find distractions interesting enough to keep herself from dwelling on all of it. After all, it could have been a lot worse. They could have been attempting to have this difficult family heart-to-heart at the nearby Waffle House. Their APPLEBEE¡¯S font looks different here in the nineties, Tabitha decided. Mrs. Macintire slammed her driver¡¯s side car door closed and tugged at her jacket, stepping over towards the end of the vehicle to join her. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Kind of a big difference, maybe? It¡¯s not as sleek, I can tell. I think. More blocky and cartoonish than I remember it being, not as classy. So there. I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m being super childish again, aren¡¯t I? Ugghhh, I just can¡¯t stop picturing the deadbeat dad guy from TALLADEGA NIGHTS, making a big scene out of getting kicked out of an Applebee¡¯s. An APPLEBEE¡¯S, specifically. Why APPLEBEE¡¯S?! ¡°Tabby, hon¡­¡± It¡¯s there in my head now, Tabitha lamented. My dad wouldn¡¯t do that¡ªGod, I hope not¡ªbut the parallels and all of the tongue-in-cheek CLASS themes just won¡¯t get out of my head. Entire movie was lampooning REDNECK CULTURE, so when they make such a point to emphasize the Applebee¡¯s appearance, as if¡ªI don¡¯t know, as if to say lower class families conflate casual dining with fine dining? The idea sticks in my head. Please, PLEASE dad don¡¯t make a scene and get thrown out of Applebee¡¯s! ¡°Tabitha¡ªyou look like you¡¯ve being dragged into a dentist visit,¡± Mrs. Macintire observed with a wry smile, putting a hand on her shoulder. ¡°Everything¡¯s gonna be okay! ¡®Nother nice birthday dinner, and Karen and I¡¯ll be here to help mediate whatever we wind up discussing with your parents. Nothing will be too dreadful, I promise.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not¡­ filled with dread!¡± Tabitha said with a wincing smile. ¡°I¡ªI¡¯m looking forward to dinner. I¡¯m going to have soda pop, even! I haven¡¯t had anything carbonated in¡­ it¡¯s been a long while, now. Thank you again for taking me out, you¡¯ve been doing so much for me. I really do appreciate everything.¡± ¡°I¡¯m right here with you, kiddo,¡± Mrs. Macintire promised, taking her hand. ¡°Let¡¯s do this.¡± Tabitha mustered up the bravest face she could, tried to focus her thoughts on an expensive dinner, and allowed herself to be pulled across the parking lot, up the curb, and through the double-doors. Inside, a blonde hostess with a rigid smile exchanged greetings full of forced cheer with Mrs. Macintire while Tabitha reflexively scanned across the interior for sight of her parents. She wasn¡¯t able to spot them, but on a Sunday evening the restaurant was pretty busy. Nicely stained and polished wood paneling was predominant throughout, with the signature green, red, and cream Applebee¡¯s colors adorning the vinyl cushioning on the seating as well as the decorative glass set in the dividers separating booths. A single pair of rather small box-shaped tube televisions that were bolted to the wall opposite the bartop was the only obviously nineties dated decor she could spot¡ªmost future businesses would always opt for stupidly huge flatscreens dominating the walls. It took her a moment of consideration as she looked this way and that to chase down the last lingering subtle dissonant impression. Within sight there was an older couple with a teenager and two younger children, another nearby booth had a group of older women chatting, and then the next one down the aisle was a young married couple with an infant car seat carrier tucked into the booth¡ªthis place skewed much more family restaurant than the bar and grill she expected. Guess that makes sense, though? Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but grimace. I remember seeing all those ¡®ARE MILLENNIALS KILLING FAMILY RESTAURANTS¡¯ articles. Tough to run an establishment like this if everyone¡¯s too broke to start families. Baby boomers and generation X won¡¯t be around forever to keep these places afloat. At Sandra¡¯s mention of table for Moore family, the dour-faced worker with the chipper voice led them out of the foyer area, past the bar, alongside the central dining area where rows were bustling with people, and finally to the far corner where a table was ready for them. They were apparently last to arrive, as Tabitha saw grandma Laurie and her parents already seated together on the far side, with the familiar stocky shape of Mrs. Williams sitting across from them. ¡°Happy birthday Tabitha,¡± Mr. Moore said with an earnest smile, locking eyes with her for a moment before Tabitha¡¯s eyes darted away. Fuck, why the hell do *I* feel guilty?! Mrs. Moore rose to her feet the moment they stepped into sight, her expression awash with different emotions. After Olivia¡¯s mom had remarked upon how close the resemblance was between them, Tabitha couldn¡¯t stop herself from taking a closer look. The orangish tangle of red hair they shared seemed washed and free of oil, but on Mrs. Moore also mussed and uncared for, put out of the way and forgotten rather than how Tabitha had fought to comb hers out and make it presentable. The pounds her mother lost over the past few months showed no signs of a return, but to Tabitha¡¯s dismay, her mother didn¡¯t really look better for it. She was thinner but in a haggard way, her cheeks drooped a bit more than in memory. ¡°Hi mom,¡± Tabitha said with a soft, hesitant smile¡ªshe watched as the simple greeting made her mother¡¯s eyes wet. More than just teary, her mother¡¯s eyes were tight, strained, and even fearful. The grumpy uncaring indifference of last lifetime was gone, but again Tabitha had mixed feelings about whether or not that wound up being any better for her mom. It was another reminder of what a double-edged sword forging a deeper relationship with her family was¡ªa more meaningful connection didn¡¯t simply translate to sunshine and rainbows. Her mother was more severely affected by Tabitha¡¯s conflict with the family, and Tabitha¡¯s sudden and abrupt departure from their home looked to have taken yet another serious toll on the woman. I¡¯ve wanted to just put her out of my mind, Tabitha felt her chest constrict. Assume that at any old time she could just magically revert back to being the mean old trailer queen despot who just didn¡¯t give a shit about anything or anyone. That¡­ that REALLY wasn¡¯t fair of me. ¡°Happy birthday, honey¡­¡± Mrs. Moore managed to choke out. ¡°I missed you!¡± Frozen with indecision, Tabitha¡¯s mom stilled with a certain stiff set to her shoulders, all but wringing her hands in worry. Realizing she would have to send a clear invitation, Tabitha opened her arms for a hug. After another surprised pause, Mrs. Moore screwed her face up in either a pained smile or a sobbing laugh of relief¡ªor perhaps both¡ªand then shuffled around the table to wrap her arms around Tabitha. The hug was warm but constricting, and seemed to communicate the anxiety Mrs. Moore felt more than any expression of comfort and understanding. I¡¯m so so sorry, mom, Tabitha sighed to herself as she tried to give her mother a reassuring squeeze. I¡¯ve been selfish. Just ran off again, didn¡¯t I? Needed AWAY, needed distance. The opportunity to stay ANYWHERE ELSE popped up, and yeah, I pounced on it without a second thought. In both lives, I¡¯m just in this big awful hurry to leave you and dad behind as soon as I can. Kept telling myself I was doing so much better this lifetime, was so quick to pat myself on the back over it. Then, the Macintires make an offer¡ªand right away I¡¯m just gone, all over again. The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°You¡¯re here!¡± Mrs. Williams exclaimed. ¡°Fashionably late, hah ha. C¡¯mon, Sandy sit, sit, move it, we¡¯re starving!¡± Sandra had slowed to allow Tabitha a private moment to embrace her mother, and the woman glanced to Tabitha and gestured with a finger, allowing Tabitha to choose which remaining chair she¡¯d like to claim. On opposing sides from the Moores no matter what, huh? Tabitha felt her mind go blank as she compulsively picked the one at the end, across from grandma Laurie. After all, it was difficult facing her father right now. ¡°We¡ªwe could have ordered appetizers or started on something, if you¡¯re¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore fretted as she sidled back around the table to her spot. ¡°Oh stop, I¡¯m kidding!¡± Mrs. Williams waved off her concerns with a casual flourish of her hand. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t even be eating out, we went and gorged ourselves on pizza just last night. And right after Thanksgiving! Ooph, I¡¯m gonna be in trouble if this keeps up!¡± ¡°The boys loved the pizza,¡± grandma Laurie smiled. ¡°Happy birthday again, honey!¡± ¡°Thank you, everyone,¡± Tabitha said in a voice that did not feel like her own. ¡°I, I don¡¯t mean to hold anyone up¡ªwe can go ahead and order as soon as everyone¡¯s ready?¡± ¡°Sure thing!¡± Mrs. Williams beamed, turning in her seat and holding up her arm to flag down the waitress. ¡°Let¡¯s get your drinks for you two. Missy! Missy! Darling baby girl, I think we¡¯re ready over here.¡± ¡®Missy¡¯ turned out to be their nineteen-year old server, a furiously blushing young brunette with ¡®Melissa¡¯ on her nametag and a completely mortified expression that Tabitha already found herself sympathizing with. ¡°I¡¯m friends with Missy¡¯s mother,¡± Karen confided to the rest of the table. ¡°Missy just got her first car¡ªbought it all with her own money, all from workin¡¯ here and savin¡¯ up the tips she earned! She was just tickled pink! It was, what was it? A cute white one. A Toyota, I think?¡± ¡°A um, a 1995 Toyota Camry,¡± Melissa answered with a pronounced Kentucky drawl, turning away in embarrassment to face the newcomers. ¡°Drinks for you two? We have both Coke and Pepsi products.¡± ¡°Pepsi, please,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Pepsi for me as well, then,¡± Sandra chimed in. ¡°Mmm, might go for a Bahama Mama later, though¡­¡± ¡°No you don¡¯t, you¡¯re driving,¡± Mrs. Williams gave her a swat. ¡°Is it okay if we start ordering, Missy honey?¡± ¡°Uh¡ªof course!¡± Melissa dug a notepad out of her apron pocket. ¡°What can I start¡¯cha off with?¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯ll have your nine ounce sirloin with¡ª¡± Tabitha tuned out the voices as she hurried to flip open her menu¡ªshe was on the other end of the table, so she could decide on what she wanted by the time they got around to her. Photos of dishes were paired with detailed descriptions in the laminate pages, but when her eyes reached the listed prices for each, Tabitha¡¯s thoughts lurched to a numb halt.
Riblet Basket A Hearty Portion Of Slow Hickory Roasted Rib Tips Basted In Our Spicy Bar B Que Sauce & Served With Fries 6.99
Buffalo Chicken Wings Spicy Wings With Celery Sticks & Bleu Cheese Dressing 5.69
Potato Skins Six Hot Skins Topped With Cheddar & Chopped Bacon Served With Sour Cream 5.49
Applebee''s House Sirloin 9.99
Chicken Fingers Basket Breaded Chicken Tenderloins, Fried & Served With French Fries & Honey Mustard Sauce 6.49
Applebee''s House Sirloin A 9 Oz. Sirloin Steak Served With Your Choice Of Two Sides. Served With Boboli Oven Bread 9.99
Holy hell¡ªhow is everything so cheap?! Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but do a double-take, rereading the menu from the beginning again. These would seem like pretty good normal prices if they were SIXTEEN ninety-nine, not SIX ninety-nine. I was going to try to not break anyone¡¯s wallet and order kinda modestly¡­ but now it¡¯s just like¡ªhell, might as well order whatever I want? Can we just freeze everything like this here in 1998? Let¡¯s keep these prices, and just not ever get on into the future? ¡°An¡¯ for you?¡± Melissa had worked her way around the table to finally ask Tabitha. ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha was still in a daze even after everyone else had placed their orders, so Tabitha made a snap decision. ¡°Fajita quesadilla with the sirloin steak? Thank you.¡± ¡°Oh, no problem!¡± Melissa made a quick note and tucked her notepad back into her apron. ¡°I¡¯ll have your guyses drinks out for ya in jus¡¯ a minute.¡± ¡°Missy darling,¡± Mrs. Williams began to reveal a smile that was alarmingly wide. ¡°Today is actually a very special day for our Tabitha, here. She¡¯s just turning fourteen, and¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, no no no, no,¡± Tabitha experienced a rare full-body cringe that puckered her very soul. ¡°I¡¯m not, no, it actually¡ªit was last week, technically, on the tenth, and we already even celebrated it yesterday, so¡ª¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m sure they can still all come out and sing and clap for you!¡± Mrs. Williams pursed her lips. ¡°Missy sweetie, since this is¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s, no, they can¡¯t,¡± Tabitha shot their waitress a pleading look. ¡°That¡­ wouldn¡¯t really be right or fair to anyone else. My birthday¡¯s already passed by and over. It¡¯s over with.¡± ¡°Um, if that¡¯s the case¡­¡± To her credit, Melissa read Tabitha¡¯s horrified expression and then turned to Mrs. Williams with an apologetic look. ¡°I¡¯m really sorry, Momma Williams. If her birthday¡¯s already passed on by, we really shouldn¡¯t¡ªI don¡¯t want to get in trouble with Dylan.¡± ¡°It was just a day or two ago!¡± Mrs. Williams protested. ¡°I¡¯m sure if¡ª¡± ¡°Karen, stop,¡± Mrs. Macintire smacked her on the arm. ¡°They¡¯re both gonna strangle you.¡± ¡°Oh, pooh,¡± Mrs. Williams let out a reluctant sigh. ¡°Alright, alright!¡± ¡°Yeahhh¡ªsorry again!¡± Melissa apologized as she fled out of sight. ¡°You really are a Karen,¡± Tabitha remarked, casting a wary look over at Mrs. Williams as the woman¡¯s defeated expression morphed into a rather telling smirk. ¡°You¡¯re just the worst,¡± Mrs. Macintire agreed, shaking her head. ¡°You know that¡¯s only funny when we can have margaritas. I¡¯m way too sober for you to be torturing the kiddos, okay?¡± ¡°Fine, fine,¡± Mrs. Williams laughed. ¡°What a bunch of spoil sports!¡±
The next half hour turned out to be one of the most excruciating half hour of Tabitha¡¯s two lifetimes. Mrs. Williams fought hard and leveraged every ounce of her social acumen, but the Moore parents were clearly uncomfortable, and each answered in only brief, single-word responses. There were too many sensitive issues to avoid touching on, and maintaining conversation that didn¡¯t lapse into awkward silence after a few moments was such a herculean task that Tabitha imagined even Karen was beginning to sweat. Tabitha¡¯s mother tended to clam up in group settings, and neither of the Moores ever went out to eat together much, from what she recalled. The takeout boxes that used to fill their refrigerator at the mobile home were all from the local grease pit on their side of town, DaM Good Wings¡ªthe ¡®DaM¡¯ was short for Deb & Mike¡¯s. They sold cheap food, mostly to people who would be drunk enough to not be too discerning in their taste anyways. Tabitha had declined all of his offers to take her there since traveling back to this time, as her every distant memory of DaM Good Wings¡¯ sticky surfaces and cigarette nicotine-stained ceiling was already regrettable enough. By comparison, the Springton Applebee¡¯s was almost posh fare¡ªeverything was clean and neat, and their table here sported napkin holders instead of a simple roll of discolored paper towels, at least. Mrs. William¡¯s further attempts at levity couldn¡¯t buck off the somewhat gloomy atmosphere, and Tabitha hid on the other side of Mrs. Macintire and sipped at her soft drink, doing her absolute best to not draw any attention to herself. Pepsi was many, many times more sugary than Tabitha had remembered, but now she was too embarrassed to ask for a water. In the end, grandma Laurie managed to participate in actual conversation with Karen, and those two were able to talk about Tabitha¡¯s four cousins until the food began to arrive. The steak quesadillas Tabitha ordered turned out to be incredible, satiating a specific craving that had likely persisted since sometime in the year 2045. Springton didn¡¯t have any place that served proper southwestern dishes¡ªor so she had thought¡ªand eventually Tabitha forced herself to concede that in her grown up lifetime, she rarely ventured outside of her routine or tried new places to eat. The Applebee¡¯s had been there that whole time, and it was Tabitha who was at fault for never stopping by through those years. Everyone¡¯s food looked good¡ªthe table was filled with the glasses of their drinks and plates of different courses each of them had ordered, but oddly enough, as conversation gave way to enjoying meals the tension around the table instead rose. Occasional glances were being exchanged between Mrs. Williams and Mr. Moore, several others were very studiously not looking up from their food, and a pall of seriousness began to weigh across their section of the Applebee¡¯s with terrible gravity. The time for them to talk had come. ¡°You¡¯re growin¡¯ up, Tabitha,¡± Mr. Moore explained in a weary voice. ¡°You¡¯re goin¡¯ through the phases. I know a¡¯part of this is you wantin¡¯ some personal freedom for yourself, so you can leave the nest, stretch your wings more¡ªand I know with us we don¡¯t have a lot of room for you to stretch your wings, and I understand that. But, the thing is¡­¡± The man sighed, absentmindedly cleaning his fingers with his napkin and frowning down at his food for a moment. ¡°You¡¯re jus¡¯ now fourteen years old, and you¡¯re not ready to be out on your own yet, you¡¯re just not,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head. ¡°No one at that age is. I¡¯m not prepared to see anything happen to you, and out on your own¡ªanything can happen to you. I can¡¯t¡ªwe can¡¯t¡ªlet that happen. Let anything happen to you. We¡¯re not gonna sit back and watch as you go an¡¯ put yourself out there and maybe the world jus¡¯ chews you up and spits you back out.¡± But you WERE content to sit back and watch as LISA happened to our whole family, Tabitha wanted to retort. It¡¯s fine when LISA happens, huh? That doesn¡¯t count? Mrs. Macintire sat up in her seat and very obviously about to object to a number of his points, but the woman was paying attention to Tabitha and took the small shake of the head as a warning cue to desist for now. ¡°Dad¡­ I¡¯m not exactly ¡®on my own,¡¯¡± Tabitha replied in a dry voice. ¡°When they took me in, the Macintires didn¡¯t exactly set me up in a doghouse out in their yard¡ª¡± Sandra snorted at that, and a strained smile surfaced for a moment before slipping back down again¡ªher arms were crossed now, and her irritation with the Moores seemed to now be obvious to everyone at the table except for Mr. Moore. ¡°¡ªand I have to say that the level of support, attention, and care that has been provided to me has been nothing short of miraculous,¡± Tabitha finished. ¡°If your concerns are based on¡ª¡± ¡°There you go again, talkin¡¯ like that,¡± Mr. Moore interrupted with a scowl. ¡°Like you¡¯re a stranger, like you¡¯re somebody else. Like you¡¯re tryin¡¯ to be somebody else.¡± ¡°Alan, please,¡± grandma Laurie let out a sigh. A red-hot flash of irritation¡ªand, jarringly enough, the lyrics from that specific Avril Lavigne song, Complicated¡ªwashed through Tabitha¡¯s thoughts and for a moment jumbled up the careful and concise line of rebuttals she had. His claim that she was just out there on her own in a cruel, uncaring world was already ridiculous to everyone at this table except for him. But, that was okay. That was fine. He wanted to take stabs at how she was acting. This was even better, because it meant they were somehow already passing right on by a number of frivolous arguments that had no weight or merit, and getting towards the real meat of the matter. Tabitha had long since been just as prepared to cut into all that. ¡°That is part of growing up, isn¡¯t it?¡± Tabitha shot back at him. ¡°Trying to be somebody, discovering my identity. Or¡ªshould I tuck my wings firmly in, and keep them there? If this is about me ¡®leaving the nest,¡¯ will you brook no attempt for me to fly? Not before, what, before some arbitrary amount of time passes? Should I make no attempt to try to be somebody, to grow up¡ªand then hope that, at eighteen and only at eighteen, I magically transform overnight into a mature, fully-formed adult?¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Mr. Moore warned. ¡°Now, you know that¡¯s not what I meant.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m sure it wasn¡¯t,¡± Tabitha wanted in some small part to flinch back at the animosity she heard in her own voice, but she was also getting mad. ¡°Your meaning hews instead towards my class, doesn¡¯t it? My socio-economic class? That¡¯s where you don¡¯t like me trying to ¡®be somebody else.¡¯ In which case, what do you even identify me as in the first place, that you find yourself so uncomfortable with this? What am I? Simple small town girl? Your humble blue-collar daughter? An ordinary Kentucky country girl? Redneck, poor kid¡ªwhite trash?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± Karen Williams reined her back in, and Tabitha rocked back in her seat, realizing her overwhelming teenage emotions had gotten the better of her again. She had good arguments¡ªshe had so many good arguments here, but there was a deceptive amount of difficulty in articulating them here in front of everyone without losing her cool and beginning to wax towards the melodramatic. Tabitha rocked back in her seat, eyes darting around the table¡ªshe hadn¡¯t maybe meant to go quite that far. Sandra beside her looked all too supportive of her little rant, Mrs. Moore wore a pensive look at Tabitha¡¯s little explosion, but it was grandma Laurie¡¯s look of concern that really started to finally cool the anger thrumming inside of her back down into guilt. ¡°We¡¯re all on the same side here, and we¡¯re all here for Tabitha!¡± Karen reminded everyone. ¡°We all want what¡¯s best for her, and I know we can agree on that¡ªor come to an agreement on what that winds up meaning.¡± ¡°In my opinion,¡± Sandra jumped in, ¡°this isn¡¯t so much about class, or resources, or socio-economic¡ªsocio-whatever, this is just about method and manner of parenting! If¡ª¡± ¡°Sandy,¡± Karen now turned in exasperation to try to moderate her friend. ¡°No, let me finish!¡± Mrs. Macintire waved Karen down. ¡°If there are communication issues between parent and child so stark as to allow a heroin addict into their home¡ªdespite of all of Tabitha¡¯s warnings and comments about it¡ªthat¡¯s a huge problem!¡± With a sinking feeling, Tabitha realized that everyone at this table was sitting on their own topical powderkegs. In some way or another, all of the fuses seemed to be lit at once and burning towards terrible confrontations. Drugs, custody, familial trust, parenting¡ªeach of these issues would be better addressed separately, individually, but were already so entangled that everyone was sure to be talking past each other to argue different points. This¡­ was a mistake. I already want to bail. Yeah, and just¡ªjust not do this. Check, please? ¡°Now hold up, we still don¡¯t know for sure that Lisa was¡ª¡± Mr. Moore started to argue. ¡°Yes we do,¡± Sandra talked over him, stabbing a finger through the air. ¡°Yes. We. Do. The heroin was found in her purse, she tested positive for it, for Christ¡¯s sake they put the woman on methadone to manage her withdrawal sympt¡ª¡± ¡°Okay, let¡¯s settle down, settle down!¡± Mrs. Williams restrained Mrs. Macintire with a hand on her shoulder and turned in her seat to face outside their table area. ¡°Sorry about that, Missy hon! We¡¯ll keep our voices down!¡± ¡°Uh, no no¡ªyou¡¯re fine!¡± Their wide-eyed waitress blurted out in an apologetic tone. ¡°Please, don¡¯t even mind me. Was just gonna cut in and see if any o¡¯ y¡¯all needed a refill on anything. I can uh, I can come back?¡± ¡°Pepsi, please?¡± Tabitha spoke up, feeling her cheeks burn at the reminder that they were doing this in an Applebee¡¯s. Melissa awkwardly stepped over and leaned in past Tabitha¡¯s shoulder to pour more ice and soda pop into her glass from a pitcher, and then the poor worker promptly excused herself again. Silence lingered heavily around the table following the interruption however, and Mrs. Williams took the opportunity to shoot Sandra a look and then attempt to clear the air a bit. ¡°Mister Moore¡ªyou hold family as inviolable, and I can understand that and respect that,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°I know you love Tabitha, and want the best for her! She¡¯s your daughter. I just think this ¡®family¡¯ mindset of yours, where family can just do no wrong, gave you a bit of a blind spot when it came to this Lisa person! Maybe the way you saw her, or the way she was around you all led into that somehow, and then it just becomes difficult to believe a problem like drug abuse could be so close to home. Which is¡ªit¡¯s understandable¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore bite her lower lip in aggravation, tightening her fingers on the cutlery she was clutching, but Tabitha wasn¡¯t able to tell if her mother¡¯s frustration was directed at Mrs. Williams, or if it was reserved for the husband sitting right beside her. ¡°I can¡¯t, and won¡¯t, forgive willful ignorance when heroin winds up around minors,¡± Sandra sniped with a frosty expression, crossing her arms. ¡°That¡¯s not okay.¡± ¡°¡ªIt¡¯s¡ªyes, that is a huge problem, but I think we can all agree no one could have expected it or seen something like this coming in a nice area like Springton,¡± Mrs. Williams hurried to finish. ¡°This was going to be crazy news to all of us, and if I¡¯d heard it but not seen the evidence myself, I¡¯m not sure I¡¯d have believed it, either. Who would? Heroin? In Springton?¡± ¡°Apparently it was obvious enough that a minor caught all the signs,¡± Sandra refused to relent. Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but chafe at the continuous emphasis on her being underage, but she did appreciate the thrust of Mrs. Macintire¡¯s argument. After all, the woman had her own experiences, she¡¯d married a police officer, and she had her own daughter to look out for. For most anyone, taking an inflexible zero tolerance stance on heroin was completely sensible. There was temptation again for Tabitha to mention that perhaps the D.A.R.E. programs at school could have clued her into factors more quickly than her parents, but also she wasn¡¯t confident bringing that forward to the scrutiny of so many adults at once. Tabitha had been absent from public school for some time now, and she couldn¡¯t recall any appreciable Drug Abuse Resistance Education lessons since reliving this part of her life. ¡°Tabitha honey¡ªwhat was it that first caught your attention regarding your Aunt?¡± Mrs. Williams passed the ball back to her court. Oh shit. Yeah, there it is. ¡°It¡ªum,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°I think¡­ I always suspected. When she actually just showed up that one night recently, she barged in around midnight, hammering on our door¡ªthat¡¯s when I couldn¡¯t help but look for signs. And, all the signs were there.¡± The truth had never felt like such a lie, and Tabitha immediately felt guilt wash through her upon saying all of that out loud. In her first life, Tabitha had been completely ignorant of Lisa¡¯s heroin addiction; it was simply an offhand fact she heard from her parents years and years later, something they had discovered when Tabitha was already well into her mid-twenties. There had never been an opportunity for the original Tabitha to suspect anything; aunt Lisa had disappeared from their lives shortly after uncle Danny was incarcerated. Only this unique set of circumstances and then the rumor of settlement money by chance brought Lisa back this time through. ¡°Can you be more specific?¡± Mrs. Williams pressed. ¡°In regards to¡­?¡± Tabitha wavered. ¡°I-in regards to specific needle abuse symptoms I observed, or pertaining to insight into Aunt Lisa as a person that first led me to suspect her?¡± Mrs. Williams exchanged glances with the Moores and then Mrs. Macintire before turning her gaze back towards Tabitha, and Tabitha inwardly cursed at realizing her language had turned clinical and robotic again. ¡°Anything you can give us. Just whatever comes to mind, hon.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath as she tried to gather her thoughts. ¡°There are two traits I would first use to characterize my aunt Lisa and uncle Danny by. Having poor impulse control, and having little to no regard for consequences. When I found out my uncle had committed a serious crime and was facing prison time, I wasn¡¯t surprised at all. I had subconsciously already put them in roughly that mental box, and so the news just¡­ fell within my expectations. I think maybe only my father was actually shocked by the news.¡± ¡°Well¡ªo¡¯course I was!¡± Mr. Moore seemed both angry and indignant. ¡°It was just¡ªit was stupid, what he did. Stupid.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha agreed. ¡°But, that fit perfectly with what I thought of him and Lisa.¡± ¡°Oh, ha ha. So that¡¯s it, then,¡± Mr. Moore¡¯s voice rose. ¡°That¡¯s what you think of us¡ªyou think your family¡¯s all stupid?!¡± ¡°She said him and Lisa,¡± Grandma Laurie pointed out, leaning forward to speak up. ¡°Alan. She didn¡¯t say you, she didn¡¯t say you all, she didn¡¯t say her whole family is stupid, but Lord help me, with the way you¡¯re¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯re, we¡¯re getting sidetracked!¡± Mrs. Williams held up her hands. ¡°Let¡¯s just let Tabitha say her piece, okay?¡± ¡°The rest is¡­ all obvious,¡± Tabitha gave the table of adults a small shrug. ¡°The puncture marks were there, if you looked for them. She was twitchy. Unusually possessive of her handbag, never had it out of arm¡¯s reach or even away from being tucked in under her arm like she had it. It was suspicious! My first thought, honestly, was that she¡¯d stolen something.¡± And I think she DID, the last of my codeine tablets still turned up missing¡ª ¡°Your aunt Lisa wouldn¡¯t steal anything,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head in disbelief. ¡°Dad¡ªhow or why would you make that assertion with such confidence?!¡± Tabitha found herself blurting out, a wave of anger crashing over her again without warning. ¡°On what basis are you so willing to vouch for the quality of her character? If you¡¯re aware of something that I¡¯m not, by all means please¡ª¡± ¡°Because I know Lisa, and she¡¯s not that kind of person,¡± Mr. Moore replied with an expression that indicated he was explaining the obvious. ¡°She¡¯s not a thief, she wouldn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Oh? She¡¯s not a thief? Not like uncle Danny?¡± Tabitha countered. ¡°¡ªShe¡ªTabby, stop,¡± Mr. Moore blustered. ¡°She wouldn¡¯t be up to any of that kind of nonsense, and honest to God I still don¡¯t think she was doing heroin, either. This is all some sort of big mix-up, and once we can get this sorted out¡ª¡± ¡°But, she was doing heroin!¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s eyebrows went up. ¡°That¡¯s what was found, when everything was sorted out. Just what in the hell have you done towards sorting any of this out? It seems to me¡ª¡± ¡°Well, I don¡¯t know anything about that,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head, stubbornly refusing to believe it. ¡°Dad¡ª¡± Tabitha found herself at a loss. ¡°I know you don¡¯t like it¡ªI know you don¡¯t want to accept it. But, when you look at all of the facts together? The picture it illustrates is a rather damning one. Uncle Danny is a criminal. Trying to steal a pallet of computers¡ªan entire pallet¡ªwasn¡¯t some random whim. It was planned, premeditated, thought out; he chose to break the law. Aunt Lisa was in full support of that, grandma caught her over and over again, telling the boys that their daddy didn¡¯t do anything wrong. But, he was.¡± ¡°It was stupid, an¡¯ he made a mistake,¡± Mr. Moore shrugged. ¡°S¡¯all there is to it. People make mistakes.¡± ¡°Uncle Danny was working,¡± Tabitha continued to spell it out for him. ¡°He had steady income, he and Lisa shared a comfortable apartment, and with grandma Laurie¡¯s help and support with the kids? They had a comfortable life. Why would he jeopardize that, why was he suddenly so pressed for money that he turned to crime? Why was Lisa so eager to sell off the Cutlass Supreme for cash? Wouldn¡¯t she have needed a vehicle to get around? Where did all of their money keep going, dad?¡± ¡°Heroin,¡± Mrs. Macintire chimed in. ¡°Obviously!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know where anything like heroin even came from,¡± Mr. Moore said, putting both hands on the table in a gesture of finality. ¡°But, what I do know is that every a one¡¯ve y¡¯all is sure damn quick to condemn someone before we know what¡¯s what. Yer uncle Danny has his court date, an¡¯ Lisa has hers too, and this is America¡ªso as far as I¡¯m concerned, she¡¯s innocent until proven guilty! They both are. An¡¯ that¡¯s up to judge and jury. Men and women under oath¡ªunder God¡ªto decide, once all the evidence is figured itself out and everyone¡¯s had a chance to have their say.¡± ¡°Mister Moore,¡± Mrs. Williams sighed. ¡°From late that night when I picked up Tabitha, to when we got her inside and my husband had a chance to see what it was in that purse, no one else touched any of that stuff. Are you suggesting Tabitha, your daughter, planted four grand worth of illegal narcotics in that purse?¡± ¡°Of course not!¡± Mr. Moore appeared outraged. ¡°How could you even say that?¡± ¡°Your daughter voiced her suspicions to you,¡± Mrs. Williams replied in a calm voice. ¡°You disregarded them as impossible, and went on about your day. Your daughter went and took the purse to us, and her suspicions were confirmed¡ªbecause we found a whole bunch of heroin in said purse.¡± ¡°In a Batman thermos, actually,¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°The plastic kind, that comes from a child¡¯s lunchbox. Perhaps from one of the boys?¡± ¡°Does one of those four kiddos have a Batman lunch pail?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked grandma Laurie. ¡°Well¡ª¡± Grandma Laurie paused. ¡°Batman? Yes, I know they do, one of them¡¯s a batman lunchbox. I send Aiden to school with it every day.¡± ¡°Is it missing a thermos?¡± Mrs. Macintire pressed. ¡°Oh, they all are,¡± Grandma Laurie shrugged. ¡°We stopped puttin¡¯ them in there, on account of one of them makin¡¯ an awful mess the one time when a lid wasn¡¯t screwed tight. I just put in a little juice box for each of them instead, and they¡¯re fine. The thermoses would be¡ªsomewhere at Danny¡¯s apartment, in with their things, I suppose.¡± ¡°Can we check up on that?¡± Mrs. Williams asked. ¡°Of course, I have a key,¡± Grandma Laurie nodded. ¡°I can have the boys hunt through all the stuff over there.¡± ¡°Mom¡ªyou don¡¯t seriously believe that Lisa had heroin, do you?¡± Mr. Moore shot the middle-aged woman a look of surprise. ¡°That she¡¯d not only have heroin, but put it in one of the kid¡¯s thermos? C¡¯mon, now.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know what you expect from me,¡± grandma Laurie said after a moment of consideration. ¡°She had no problem drinking or smoking around the boys. The outfits she wore¡ªnothing was appropriate, and then all the foul things that came out of her mouth! I don¡¯t rightly know what to think. Would it really be all that shocking if she was gettin¡¯ herself into drugs? You know I¡¯d caught them smoking marijuana the one time, and we talked about that.¡± ¡°That¡¯s,¡± Mr. Moore frowned, staring down at the table. ¡°No, that¡¯s jus¡¯¡ªcompletely different. That is that, and then this is this. I don¡¯t see what¡ª¡± ¡°Are you willing to stake this family on that?¡± Tabitha delivered the ultimatum she felt she had been waiting for. ¡°Because, that¡¯s what this is, dad. I won¡¯t be a part of this family if she is, and I won¡¯t allow her to hurt the boys any more than she already has¡ªshe¡¯s done enough damage.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°So, it¡¯s very simple: you just need to choose, right now, between me and her. You either believe in her innocence, for, for whatever unfathomable reasons you might have, and think that I somehow framed her, or you believe in me, everyone else, and all of the evidence when I insist she¡¯s a drug addict and a threat to this family.¡± In the moment she was delivering those words she felt a rush of power and conviction because she knew she was right. But, locking eyes with her dad and seeing his irritation and refusal to accept the reality in front of him instead filled her with a gut-wrenching sense of loss. It was as though the unstoppable force of her argument simply met the immovable object of her father¡¯s stubborn mind, and that was that. In which case, nothing I could EVER say will matter, Tabitha felt totally defeated. He¡¯s not even listening to me. In a movie, IN A STORY, this is where I had my moment to shine, and I had all the right words, and everything I had to say was just going to be so compelling that he¡¯d have NO CHOICE but to accept what¡¯s going on here! He¡¯d be, he¡¯d be MOVED, his mind would be changed, SOMETHING WOULD CHANGE, but instead¡ª Instead Mr. Moore simply appeared annoyed, because he hadn¡¯t wanted to hear her say anything like that. Tabitha watched with plummeting spirits as he turned his infuriating pigheaded look of consternation from her over to Mrs. Macintire and Mrs. Williams in turn, as though they¡¯d been filling his poor daughter¡¯s head with nonsense. As though these two meddling outsiders had clearly been trying to set members of his family against one another. The realization was so deeply, personally exhausting that Tabitha felt too tired to even be angry anymore. I¡¯m just done. I¡¯m done. Take me home, I want to¡ªI¡¯m just gonna curl up under the covers and be done with today. This was pointless. What a fucking waste of everyone¡¯s time. Shouldn¡¯t have even tried! I¡¯m done. I¡¯m done. Check, please?
¡°You okay, kiddo?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked, stepping into the ladies¡¯ restroom of the Applebee¡¯s where Tabitha had been staring vacantly into the mirror for somewhere upwards of five minutes. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ here,¡± Tabitha reported. ¡°I, honestly I think it went about as well as can be expected,¡± Sandra said, joining her at the mirror. ¡°You okay? Was worried you¡¯d be in here crying.¡± ¡°You know?¡± Tabitha shook her head at their reflections. ¡°I wish I could cry. That would be¡ªsomething. A thing. A release, I guess. I just feel nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing, about anything. I feel like I¡¯m just done with all of this? Can we just leave?¡± ¡°He did say that if it came down to it, he¡¯d side with you instead of Lisa,¡± Mrs. Macintire pointed out. ¡°That¡¯s something.¡± ¡°Did he?¡± Tabitha shrugged with indifference, trying to think back to what had been said. ¡°I guess I just sort of started to zone out, there. Wasn¡¯t getting through to him, so it all¡ªeverything¡ªstopped mattering. Even if he did say it, does he even mean it? What does it mean if that¡¯s only a decision he¡¯s able to make grudgingly? What does anything mean? I¡ªI don¡¯t care anymore. I¡¯m done. I¡¯m sorry.¡± Tabitha watched in the mirror as Mrs. Macintire pulled her into a hug, and felt the woman run a hand up and down her back in a way that should have been comforting. It didn¡¯t feel comforting, however¡ªshe still felt nothing, felt like she¡¯d become the robot she spoke like when she was stressed. Like some worn out part of her mental faculties had failed to continue processing her emotional state, and just stopped working. The experience felt neither unpleasant nor pleasant, because she just didn¡¯t feel anything at all. I am¡­ not real confident that this is a positive development for me. ¡°I get it,¡± Mrs. Macintire patted Tabitha¡¯s back and gave her another crushing squeeze. ¡°I really do. I get it, and seeing it again like this makes me want to just, to just reach over and knock his block off. It was both of my parents, for me. Had a brother, he um, he got into opiates. They tried to help! Over and over again. The wrong kind of help really winds up hurting everyone, but they¡ªthey didn¡¯t see that, or couldn¡¯t see that. I don¡¯t know, kiddo.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tabitha¡¯s brow furrowed. ¡°Did he¡­?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Mrs. Macintire shrugged. ¡°One time too many, and they just couldn¡¯t resuscitate him. It¡¯s okay. Long time ago, I was¡ªI must¡¯ve been nineteen, back then. How the years just fly by, huh?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha agreed fully, finally feeling a spark of¡ªwell, feeling something. ¡°Hah, and with your parents, your dad at least, it¡¯s like he can¡¯t even hear a word we¡¯re saying at all,¡± Mrs. Macintire let out a bitter laugh. ¡°He¡¯s got it bad. This stuff just, it¡¯s just not part of his world view, so to him, it can¡¯t be this way, can¡¯t be real. Not with family.¡± ¡°It¡¯s crazy,¡± Tabitha remarked, also feeling the urge to swear. ¡°Family.¡± ¡°It is,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°It¡¯s like that for a lot of people, just, it never comes out until things go all to hell. There¡¯s a lot of crazy hidden in people, hon. Sometimes it¡¯s like everyone lives in their own little reality, and anything that pushes too far and challenges that¡ªwell. Yeah.¡± ¡°I thought I had him,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I thought I would get through to him, if it was just laid out in the right way, maybe. Now, it¡¯s like¡ªis it even possible for two human beings to ever fully understand one another? Is there meaning in trying to ever reach anyone? I. I know that¡¯s melodramatic as hell, but Jesus Christ. I¡¯m just so done with all of this.¡± ¡°I know, kiddo,¡± Sandra sighed. ¡°I know. He does love you. Just, he¡¯s awful close-minded in these certain areas. He¡¯s got a thick head. Nothing we could say I think was ever gonna just¡­ bring him around, and get him convinced all right away. It¡¯s a process, and it takes time. We made some headway, and that¡¯s all we can do.¡± ¡°I guess?¡± Tabitha tried not to sound doubtful, and failed at that miserably enough to eke another weary laugh out of Mrs. Macintire. ¡°Well,¡± the woman said, taking Tabitha by the shoulders and appraising her at arm¡¯s length for a moment. ¡°We weren¡¯t sure how this was all gonna go¡­ but I think it¡¯s best that you stay with us, for the time being. Rather than havin¡¯ you go back home with your parents anytime soon. How do you feel about that?¡± ¡°I¡ªplease,¡± Tabitha nodded thankfully. ¡°If you¡¯ll still have me, I¡¯d love that. I¡¯m sorry for, for all of this.¡± ¡°We will be thrilled to have you, for as long as we can keep you,¡± Mrs. Macintire said with a twinkle in her eye. ¡°I promise. Can you even imagine? Me goin¡¯ back all alone, havin¡¯ to be the one to tell Hannah she won¡¯t be seeing you for a while? Are you kidding me?¡± ¡°Hah,¡± Tabitha let out a listless chuckle. ¡°You¡¯re okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire assured her. ¡°We¡¯re gonna be okay. Let¡¯s get ourselves back out there, and have the rest of dinner with your parents¡ªI think I saw they had some birthday presents for you¡ªand, maybe we¡¯ll wrap up with ice cream for dessert, and then¡ªand then, we¡¯ll take you home to Hannah. How¡¯s that sound?¡± ¡°I¡­ think I could go for ice cream,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Just for tonight.¡±
Spoons clinked against the dessert dishes and several milkshakes their table had ordered, but a strained silence reigned over their section amid the noise of the busy Applebee¡¯s. Even Mrs. Williams was no longer pushing herself to initiate small talk. Tabitha¡¯s ice cream was okay¡ªsurprisingly rich¡ªbut the sundae was also melting so fast that it was annoying. It was as though her serving had been scooped directly into a porcelain bowl that was still steaming hot from the back kitchen dishwasher. ¡°I¡ªwell, we would like to have her for Christmas,¡± Mrs. Moore finally spoke up, an act minutes in the making and one that seemed to take every last ounce of courage within her. ¡°So that she can have Christmas morning with family. We Moores don¡¯t do much of anything to celebrate New Years.¡± Mr. Moore nodded at that as he chewed his fudge-covered brownie, but didn¡¯t say a word. Whatever had happened while Tabitha took her breather in the restroom, her mother appeared to have been forced to step up into cautious conversation, while Mr. Moore instead lapsed into a brooding distant quiet this time. The reversal of their roles came as a relief, because there seemed to be a clear consensus that the uncomfortable topics were at a close for tonight. There seemed to be a tacit acknowledgement that Tabitha was staying with the Macintires, which came as an enormous relief. I guess the fear was just THERE that some random helpless turn of conversation would have things wind up otherwise, Tabitha thought to herself. Even if that doesn¡¯t really make sense. Because¡ªI don¡¯t know what to do. With mom, with dad. With all of that. We need to reconcile obviously, duh, but¡ªI also have to accept that I¡¯m not emotionally equipped to do that just yet. Or they aren¡¯t. No, it¡¯s not just them. In my head, seeing them today I was going to keep my cool, be calm and collected, and yeah. That just didn¡¯t happen, doesn¡¯t happen. And, when I get to where I¡¯m feeling so burnt out and just DONE with everything, like this? I don¡¯t even want to try to reconcile. I just want distance again. Distance and time. ¡°Also, she does have a doctor¡¯s appointment in January,¡± Mrs. Moore continued speaking in a small, quiet voice. ¡°January fifteenth¡ªto see if her hand¡¯s healed up enough to get that terrible cast off. It¡¯s covered under my husband¡¯s insurance already.¡± ¡°You hear that?¡± Mrs. Williams turned to Tabitha. ¡°Just a few more weeks in that awful cast.¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t commit to getting excited over that just yet, and mustering up enough Tabitha to be conversational again was an enormous struggle. ¡°Maybe not. January will be three months. They warned me it would be three to five months, and also said my diet was too low in calcium. Bones were brittle. I¡¯ve been having a glass of milk a day now, but¡­ I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s hard to be too optimistic?¡± ¡°Where would you like to spend Christmas, Tabitha honey?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°Whatever you want to do is fine. We¡¯d love to have you, but I¡¯m sure it could also be nice with your family.¡± ¡°I think,¡± Tabitha paused, taking a deep breath. ¡°I think¡­ and I say this as diplomatically as possible¡ªthat spending Christmas morning with the Macintires would maybe be¡­ a little awkward. Maybe embarrassing. While I love your family to pieces, I also understand that I¡¯m, I¡¯m a guest in your household. It would feel weird, to receive gifts out of courtesy or obligation, and, it would also feel strange to sit by and watch when I suspect Hannah has a small mountain of Christmas presents waiting for her. I¡¯m uh, I¡¯m also a little ashamed to say I only prepared one tiny gift, one for Hannah.¡± ¡°Hannah and I picked out a few different things for you here and there,¡± Mrs. Macintire said with a small smile. ¡°What we gave you on your birthday was part of it. How about you spend Christmas Eve with us, so that you and the munchkin can exchange gifts that night, then I can swing you over to the trailer park for Christmas morning?¡± ¡°That would be¡ªthat sounds lovely, thank you,¡± Tabitha still didn¡¯t dare look up at her parents. ¡°Hannah¡¯s getting a couple ¡®big¡¯ things this year,¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed. ¡°A gameboy and the Pokemon thing for it. She¡¯s getting a plastic cottage playhouse for out in the yard¡ªyes, this will be her second one. This one¡¯s a little bigger than her old one, she¡¯s just sprouting up too fast and was already starting to bump her head on the door of that one this past summer. New one has a working door, and little window shutters, and a little fold-down table. The outside is much fancier-looking, it¡¯s just cute as can be. We¡¯ll either donate the old one to the church, or¡­ or we¡¯ll start to have a little kiddie-sized town forming in our backyard, I guess? Hah.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure she¡¯s going to adore it,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°She did show me her old one out there in the side yard, but she wouldn¡¯t go inside¡ªshe said she saw a big spider in there once.¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Mrs. Macintire groaned. ¡°Lost cause, guess we¡¯d better donate it, then. Maybe we¡¯ll just set up the new one in the living room until Spring? Hannah¡¯s not too keen on spiders or creepy crawlies. Oh! The other big thing is a new bicycle. Still will have training wheels, but she¡¯s definitely outgrown her old one, that was a dinky little thing from when she was in kindergarden. Hubby and I discussed picking you up one so that you and Hannah can ride together, but we were gonna talk to you and see how you felt about that, first.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha froze. ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t know. I¡¯m¡­ not sure if I¡¯m comfortable with that, with you spending that much. May I¡ªuh. I was going to ask for some time to think about it, but there really isn¡¯t much time left, is there? Before Christmas.¡± ¡°You take all the time in the world to think it over,¡± Mrs. Macintire offered, tucking her spoon into her ice cream. ¡°We won¡¯t pick anything up ¡®til we have your say-so. How¡¯s that sound?¡± ¡°Intimidating, still,¡± Tabitha let out an uneasy laugh. ¡°It¡¯s just¡ªthat¡¯s a lot, and you already spent so much.¡± ¡°Well,¡± grandma Laurie decided to throw in her bid for Tabitha¡¯s time, ¡°I think if you¡¯re having Christmas with us, we should have the Moore Christmas at my place, at the apartment. I¡¯m the only one with a tree, and the boys will be there, and I was hoping to make up a nice big meal for everyone.¡± ¡°I have presents for each of the boys,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°That sounds wonderful. Actually¡ªI probably should have checked with you, first. You got videogame things for the boys?¡± ¡°Two new games for Danny¡¯s Nintendo set, yes,¡± Grandma Laurie nodded. ¡°Then, they each also got two action figures. Wrestlemania, Batman, Star Wars, and I think more Godzilla ones.¡± ¡°Speaking of presents¡­¡± Mrs. Moore let out a laugh that was more of a wince, hefting a bucket, of all things, up from beside her chair¡ªa white five-gallon bucket, sporting a gold tinsel stick-on gift bow. ¡°Uh. We did bring you a few birthday things. For your late birthday presents. ¡°You um¡­ you don¡¯t have to open them here.¡± 49, Feeling blah. Tabitha carried the bucket into the Macintire house without more than a cursory glance at the other gifts resting inside. Mrs. Macintire hadn¡¯t seen fit to comment on the bucket, and Tabitha didn¡¯t want to go through and examine the presents her parents had chosen until she was in a better state of mind. I¡¯m not going to appreciate them at all if I look through them right now, Tabitha decided, setting it down beside the stack of other presents next to her bed in the guest room. I¡¯m irritated and angry and just¡ªnot in the right frame of mind. With a heavy sigh befitting the fourteen year old she now was, Tabitha clutched at the Gameboy Color she¡¯d bought herself and flicked it on, curling up on the bedside. She¡¯d made discreet progress with her game file using the hour before bedtime in the past week, having decided she needed an incredibly powerful team of Pokemon to impress her cousins when they got each of their games started. She suspected it was almost a guarantee that the boys would play every chance they got¡ªif she didn¡¯t get a substantial lead on them now, she would never enjoy one at all. It¡¯s also just frustrating¡ªI have what I remember and I know I can build an okayish team, Tabitha quirked her lip as she reviewed her Pokemon again. But, I¡¯m also so used to having Bulbapedia or just being able to Google a quick EV training guide. I did NOT remember that generation one apparently had no separation between Special Attack and Special Defense; here it¡¯s just one stat, called ¡®Special.¡¯ That¡¯s so weird! The team she was fielding consisted of Tauros, Chansey, Starmie, Jolteon, Lapras, and Alakazam. She felt confident that they were all considered competitive, but also recognized that they probably weren¡¯t the perfect ones to go with for an unbeatable roster. It was galling, but several of the Pokemon she knew could be better picks she simply didn¡¯t care for. Jinx looked like a racial caricature, and Cloyster seemed to invite vulgar jokes¡ªTabitha had to be mindful she would be playing against teenagers and pre-teen boys. Victreebel and Exeggutor¡­ okay, so she didn¡¯t like the way they looked. Sometimes it really was that simple. Pokemon was by no means a difficult game, and it seemed like so far the only speedbumps she had encountered along the way was in deciding what nicknames to give her monsters. Her Tauros was named Haggard, an oblique reference to The Last Unicorn since when she thought of bulls, it was always first on her mind. Tabitha had spent twenty minutes waffling back and forth with indecision over what to call her Chansey¡ªshe¡¯d planned on Baymax, but after time spent staring at the little pixel sprite she decided to go with Elaine, instead. It had to be either Elaine or Selkie, but in the end I think Elaine fits best, Tabitha mused. ¡°Knock knock?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked, gently rapping her knuckles against Tabitha¡¯s open door. ¡°Talk to you for a second, kiddo?¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha sat up and tried to make herself more presentable. ¡°Do you¡ª¡± Mrs. Macintire paused, screwing up her face as if phrasing this into words was incredibly difficult. ¡°Do you have a friend named Julia?¡± In any other time and place, the question would have hit Tabitha like a freight train and absolutely staggered her, because there was no conceivable way she could imagine this woman could even possibly pick up this name out of Tabitha¡¯s past future life. Thankfully, right now Tabitha felt numbed over, and the parts that would have reacted on reflex simply felt dead and cold. ¡°I did, yes,¡± Tabitha answered in a calm voice. Either coincidence, or¡ªor I talk in my sleep, or Alicia and Elena let a bunch of my tale slip. Would they really do that? Was I acting weird or crazy? Could they have thought I needed institutional help, or something? Why would Mrs. Macintire lead into this with a question about JULIE, of all things? ¡°Can you¡ª¡± Mrs. Macintire hesitated again. ¡°Do you need to talk about her? Is there anything you felt like you needed to say about her? I, hon I just want you to know that no matter what, I have your back, right? You can tell me anything.¡± ¡°She took her own life,¡± Tabitha said with a numb shrug. ¡°It was, for me it was a long time ago. Suicide is¡­ well because of what happened, that will always be a sensitive topic for me, but I think I¡¯ve come to terms with the loss over the years, and accepted it.¡± ¡°She¡­ took her own life,¡± Mrs. Macintire repeated with a frown, her brows furrowing. ¡°I see. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Not your fault,¡± Tabitha shrugged again. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°I¡­ may I sit?¡± Mrs. Macintire stepped into the room. ¡°Please,¡± Tabitha smoothed out the blanket on the bed next to her to offer the mother a space. ¡°Okay, so¡­¡± Sandra sat down heavily. ¡°Elena heard what you¡¯d said about her, and then somehow she¡­ thought that you might have been using ¡®Julia¡¯ as a metaphor to maybe relay your own experiences with¡­ abuse.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha managed to say. Her mind was reeling at all of those implications, and despite her deadened feelings, a whirling wheel of different emotions hit her, one after another. There was a certain stinging sense of betrayal at being told Elena had spoken about things revealed in confidence, and then at realizing the reason for misunderstanding Tabitha instead felt a surge of warmth that her friend had made sure to tell someone. Elena¡­ I want to slap you, and then I want to hug you, Tabitha thought with a wry smile. You did what I SHOULD have done all those years and years ago with Ashlee. Breached that unspoken social contract of a secret between friends, and taken a serious problem to someone with the authority to DO something about it. Yeah, it¡¯s annoying that Elena was wrong about it, but still she basically did the right thing. I¡¯m pissed at her and I¡¯m proud of her, all at the same time. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked with a look of concern. ¡°Sorry, that was¡ªthat was something to process,¡± Tabitha gave her a soft smile. ¡°I can see now how she would have thought that. But, no, I. I¡¯m not Julie, I wasn¡¯t speaking in code or anything like that. While my father has many faults¡ªyou saw them laid bare tonight¡ªhe has not and would not ever molest me. He¡¯s never looked at me sexually, and may not even be capable of seeing me that way. He¡¯s very¡­ simple.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire held her gaze for a long beat. ¡°I believe you. If he was, though¡ªone hundred percent no judgment or shame or anything, I just beg you please come out and tell me, so that we can make sure nothing like that ever happens again. But, nothing like that?¡± ¡°Nothing like that,¡± Tabitha shook her head with a smile, then leaned in to give her a hug. ¡°I promise. But¡ªthank you. For a second there I was mad at Elena for saying anything, but just the fact that you all wanted to check and make sure, that means a lot. Thank you. I¡¯ll clear things up with Elena.¡± ¡°Alright, thank God,¡± Mrs. Macintire patted her across the back as she held her. ¡°I¡ªI think I really didn¡¯t think anything had happened, but I feel so much better really knowing for sure.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded into Mrs. Macintire¡¯s shoulder. ¡°He¡¯s, my dad¡¯s an idiot. Not a¡­ not abusive. Not that.¡± ¡°He is an idiot,¡± Sandra let out a bitter laugh. ¡°Do you¡­ do you want to talk about this Julia girl?¡± Tabitha did want to talk about her, but to her frustration and relief she didn¡¯t know how to do so. Somehow or other, Elena seemed to have not exposed the time-travel context, so of course Tabitha was reluctant to delve into all of that and inextricably complicate everything here. She simply sat there in Mrs. Macintire¡¯s patient embrace, considering things and gathering her thoughts for a long few minutes. ¡°Julie was bright and full of life,¡± Tabitha finally said. ¡°And, I didn¡¯t realize how much she meant to me until that brightness was just suddenly gone. I knew what she was going through, but I didn¡¯t know it, I didn¡¯t understand it, really, until it was too late. What that sort of pain did to her, how she struggled to live with it, until she decided to not struggle any more. For a long time I hated her for that, because¡ªbecause how dare she just give up?! ¡°Then, after that rage subsided, the hate burned inward. Because, blaming her was unfair and selfish of me¡ªshe was the victim of terrible circumstances. I told myself I was going to be vigilant, I, I started to rebuild myself this past summer, to change, inside and out, and. I¡¯m ashamed to say that I just wasn¡¯t vigilant. Not enough, at least. All of the clues were there with Ashlee, and I simply didn¡¯t want to think about it. I put it out of my mind. I knew she had bad bruises that didn¡¯t make sense, I knew she was terrified of her sisters, b-but. But, I was also terrified of them! M-my ¡®vigilance¡¯ couldn¡¯t even measure up to my, my willful ignorance, an-and cowardice, and fear that¡ª¡± ¡°Okay shh-shh-shh-shhhh,¡± Mrs. Macintire shushed her, rocking Tabitha back and forth in her arms. ¡°Enough of that, alright? Tabby hon, you may just be too close to the issue to realize, but¡ªTabitha, you were just as much a victim as Ashlee, there. Okay? You had every reason to be afraid! Ashlee had bruises, sure, but you have broken bones, and they nearly split your head open. You could have died. The both of you were being bullied¡ªabused¡ªand in the same boat. You know?¡± ¡°I¡­ do know that,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Sort of. It doesn¡¯t feel the same, somehow. Should have acted sooner, said something sooner, made someone believe me. I told my dad, but I knew he didn¡¯t understand. I think I told him because I knew he wouldn¡¯t understand. That he¡¯d just think it was kids playing around and not¡ªand not¡ª¡± ¡°Not serious?¡± Mrs. Macintire interceded in a cold tone. ¡°I¡­ I guess,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°That¡¯s not even all his fault, either. When you¡¯re very young, everything is, you know, big and scary and seems serious and just has this dreadful personal impact. Then, you take it to the adults, and they decide what matters and what¡¯s unimportant. They have perspective. I think that¡¯s why I have to blame myself for not speaking out sooner about the Taylor family. Because I am an adult, sort of. I had that perspective, have that perspective. I bore the responsibility to act, especially after what happened with Julie. Especially then. And didn¡¯t act soon enough.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­ Tabitha, you know you¡¯re still a kid, right?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked in a soft voice. ¡°You¡¯re fourteen years old.¡± ¡°In a lot of ways, I¡¯m just now realizing that,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I thought, I was so sure that, that because of certain circumstances, that I¡¯d¡­ that in some ways I had grown up, all at once. Now, after these past few months, I mean? Now, I¡¯m kind of seeing that in other ways I was prevented from growing up at all. That parts of me were, I guess I should say, psychologically stunted. Parts of my psyche just never got past a certain point and really matured.¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s shoulders shook, and to Tabitha¡¯s surprise she realized the woman was crying. She wasn¡¯t sure why she thought this conversation would be accepted with stoicism after how much Mrs. Macintire displayed her care over and over again, and Tabitha felt a pang of guilt. It was touching and tragic and it made her want to cry, too¡ªbut sadly in this moment Tabitha¡¯s more emotional side was still a bit burned out by everything. Instead, she squeezed her eyes closed and hugged Mrs. Macintire and decided not to say anything more. In another way, it was jarring. Tabitha found herself completely unable to connect the ideas of Mrs. Crow, the head bitch from the Safety Plant¡¯s main office and Mrs. Macintire, fiercely protective surrogate mother to a wayward trailer park teen. The dissonance she felt there went beyond the context of situations or people being multi-faceted and Tabitha simply refused to accept that they ever could have been the same person. Sandra Macintire had without reserve completely adopted her as a daughter and positively showered her with love and support. Last lifetime, the very thought of her made me want to scowl, Tabitha finally felt her eyes water. Her irritated look, her sharp cheekbones, how tired and angry her eyes were. Thinking back on it, remembering how much I loathed her¡ªit breaks my heart, now. Because I didn¡¯t know her, because I didn¡¯t love her. I¡¯m, I think, I just keep getting closer and closer to just giving in and calling her mom. Because, I¡¯m NOT as grown up as I thought I was, even from having aged on through a future. I never did mature like I should have. I was stunted. My actual mother who should have filled this role, Shannon Moore? She¡¯s worse off in that regard than I ever was. And obviously, it¡¯s not something I know how to fix. How could I? ¡°Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s voice was thick with emotion. ¡°Do you¡ªdo you promise me that he¡¯s never touched you? Not, not even just him. Your dad, your uncle that got into all that trouble, anyone? I-if anything¡¯s happened to you, honey, I need to know. Please.¡± ¡°Nothing like that, I swear,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°Certainly nothing sexual. I¡¯ve seen my dad yell, mostly at doctors or school staff, and I saw him angry enough to break a plate once. I-it was a nice plate, I¡¯ll always remember it. He¡¯s never hit me, I don¡¯t think he ever would.¡± ¡°Your uncle?¡± Mrs. Macintire pressed. ¡°Anyone else?¡± ¡°I was a fat little girl, and my uncle¡¯s tastes skew¡­ lean and skanky,¡± Tabitha tried to introduce some levity. ¡°The bleached blonde junkie thin-types, that are bony but still have boobs. He never even glanced my way, I promise. There was one single instance where boundaries were crossed with someone, but it was¡ªit was someone my age, we were, it was something like our first date, and. It was very quickly resolved. There were some harsh words, but he backed off. I did cry quite a bit, but that¡¯s all¡ªthat¡¯s all over and done with.¡± ¡°What,¡± Mrs. Macintire bit out through what sounded like clenched teeth. ¡°Was the kid¡¯s name?¡± ¡°He¡¯s long gone, everything was resolved, and I promise I¡¯ll tell you right away if there¡¯s any of that kind of issues ever again,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It wasn¡¯t even that bad, it was just¡ªit was a boundaries thing. Not even something I could have pressed charges for, I don¡¯t think.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Mrs. Macintire blew out a breath and finally released Tabitha from the long hug. ¡°Okay. If you¡¯re sure. Because¡ªbetween Karen and me, we can still give whatever boy plenty of trouble. I¡¯m guessing¡ªhe was getting too handsy?¡± ¡°That¡¯s, yes, that¡¯s what it was,¡± Tabitha nodded in embarrassment. ¡°It¡¯s resolved. I was firm with him.¡± ¡°Good, good,¡± Mrs. Macintire wiped her eyes. ¡°You¡¯ll¡ªdo you want me to talk with Elena?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll explain everything to her,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°She¡­ well, her and I have a sort of ongoing disagreement over this one particular thing. I think her misunderstanding stems off of that. I was a little upset that she said something to you about it, but then also I do appreciate her intentions.¡± ¡°She was really nervous about it,¡± Mrs. Macintire recalled. ¡°But, yeah. It was a ¡®better safe than sorry.¡¯¡± ¡°I¡¯ll talk with her,¡± Tabitha said again. ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Macintire let out a laugh. ¡°Thank you. This was all¡­ a relief. I¡¯m sorry to come in and bother you, tonight of all nights, on such an uncomfortable topic. How are you holdin¡¯ up, hon?¡± ¡°I feel a lot better! Actually,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I really do. Thank you. For¡ªfor everything¡­ mom.¡±
Ominous quiet filled the cab of his truck as it rumbled down the Springton roads and brought them back down the hill into their trailer park. Alan knew his wife was cross at him over the whole Tabitha and Lisa hoo-haw, but if he didn¡¯t stand up for his sister-in-law, then who would? It rankled how Mrs. Williams and Mrs. Macintire were so quick to dismiss Lisa¡¯s innocence as impossible, how quick they were to judge and just see the worst in people. He¡¯d feared that coming into that big lump of settlement money would change Tabitha, and it seemed like his every fear was confirmed¡ªand worse. It honestly hurt seeing how quickly the girl''s colors had changed, to see her sitting on the other side of the table from her family now and openly despising her simple upbringing. Was simple really so bad? Tabitha had always been happy before. She had a bunch of cousins to run around and play with, friends at school, a warm roof over her head and plenty of food on the table¡ªa loving family at home. ¡°I just don¡¯t understand it,¡± Mr. Moore remarked to himself, shaking his head. They were getting back real late¡ªMrs. Moore was in a mood and had insisted they go right around on another shopping trip. He knew the why, but was smart enough to hold his peace as he followed her up and down the aisles of the big Walmart all over again. That snooty woman that Tabitha was staying with had made a big fuss about all sorts of ludicrous Christmas things she was spoiling her own little daughter with, and she¡¯d obviously just been doing it to stir up bad feelings between them. It worked, because of course everything with those people was money money money all the time, and now his wife had it in her head that she needed to buy back her daughter¡¯s affection with more Christmas presents. In his mind, the holidays should be about spending time with family, not some sort of contest to see who can get all the big price tags or cram the most presents under a tree. The trip through the store hadn¡¯t done nothing but frustrate Mrs. Moore more and more, and from the set of her jaw when they returned to the parking lot empty-handed, he¡¯d been sure she was about to go off on him. He didn¡¯t want to fight about it. They lived in a material world now, and who knew¡ªmaybe he really was just behind the times. Everything was all about spending money and having a bunch of stuff, without much thought put into whether anyone even needed all that sorts of nonsense. That Macintire woman buying her little girl a whole new play cottage, when she already had one? It was ludicrous! Even if that Hannah girl is growin¡¯ up and gettin¡¯ taller, the obvious solution woulda been to buy a couple four by fours¡ªnail together a frame to set the playhouse up on. Plenty of folk in the area use pressure treated four by fours for lining their garden beds already anyhow, and for less than fifteen bucks and maybe¡­ ten minutes of handiwork, they¡¯d¡¯ve had the whole kiddie cottage raised up. Put an easy four more inches of clearance to the little door, if like they said Hannah¡¯s startin¡¯ to bump her little head on it. More weight on the bottom¡¯d make the whole kerdoodle a bunch safer, too! Help keep the whole mess from tippin¡¯ over and somebody gettin¡¯ hurt, if they¡¯re climbin¡¯ around on it like kids always do. Maybe I shoulda spoke up about it, Mr. Moore frowned. Doesn¡¯t sit right with me if they¡¯re spendin¡¯ all sorts of money on a new playhouse cottage if there¡¯s such an easy fix for the one they have. Then again, it did definitely seem like Mrs. Macintire was already keen on just gettin¡¯ a fancier new one, so maybe it was better that he held his tongue. That was the way some people were, and there was just no changing their minds. It just made him want to sigh and shake his head, seein¡¯ the impression that kind of thinking was making on both his little girl and his wife. Why would Tabitha need an expensive typewriter or IBM computer? They couldn¡¯t afford it, and Tabitha had all of her story-writing stuff down in writing already. Was there really any kind of need to take all those pages and pages and just copy them into computer databit whatevers to print out? Even if there was, she could do that at a school or a library somewhere. Getting important papers printed out somewhere cost ten cents a page¡ªthe idea of spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars on a whole personal computer setup with all the expensive little hookups and accessories and doodads you needed for it to run seemed like sheer vanity. Really makes me wonder what in the hell was goin¡¯ through Danny¡¯s head, tryin¡¯ to just take all those computers, Mr. Moore thought as the vehicle slowly lurched over the speedbump on their street and then pulled into the familiar spot in front of their trailer. Guilt and frustration went through him again at seeing that Danny¡¯s Oldsmobile was still missing. He¡¯d intended on looking after it while his brother served out his time and thought about the mess he¡¯d gotten himself into, but then this whole kerfluffle with the police happened, and now it was at the impound lot. Getting it back was gonna be a whole big affair, because Lisa hadn¡¯t had the mind to give him the papers for it for safekeeping back then in October. Well, they¡¯re all gonna feel pretty stupid once they realize Lisa¡¯s innocent of all them trumped up drug charges, he thought to himself with a wry smile. Maybe then they¡¯ll be trippin¡¯ all over themselves to try an¡¯ make amends, sort out the impound nonsense for us. It was the same once all those people realized what was what with the whole Tabitha thing withdrawing from school. With his outlook improving, Mr. Moore switched off the ignition and unbuckled his seatbelt. He was just getting ready to open his door and step out into the December air when he caught his wife¡¯s look. ¡°Alan,¡± Shannon made no move to get out of her seat. ¡°Do you understand why Tabitha left us to go stay with that other family?¡± Whew boy, here we go, then, Mr. Moore suppressed a sigh. He rested his wrists on the steering wheel for a moment as he figured out how best to console her. ¡°She¡¯s growin¡¯ up and goin¡¯ through those teenage phases,¡± Mr. Moore explained in a soft voice. ¡°I think mayhap she¡¯s got it in her mind that there¡¯s somethin¡¯ wrong with¡ªyou know, with livin¡¯ in a trailer park, when there ain¡¯t nothing wrong with it. Somebody musta said something, or one o¡¯ her friends teased her, and it mighta just rubbed Tabby the wrong way. We¡¯ve got a mobile home, yeah. And her room she¡¯s grew up in, yeah, it¡¯s just an itty-bitty thing. We don¡¯t have all kinds of money to throw around on this and that like them Macintires do.¡± He glanced at his wife in the passenger¡¯s seat, but she was staring at him an incredulous expression. ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon,¡± Mr. Moore shrugged and opened his hands from where they rested in a what can you do sort of gesture. ¡°You know well as I do that she¡¯s had her struggles lately. She¡¯s different¡ªour Tabby¡¯s special, an¡¯ that didn¡¯t sit right with some of the other kids her age maybe. Growin¡¯ up¡¯s always gonna be tough. Right now she¡¯s got her mind set on¡ªI dunno, on separatin¡¯ herself off from her roots and tryin¡¯ to make herself out to be like she¡¯s different now. In with the cool crowd, in with¡ªyou know. Havin¡¯ money and clothes and mall fashion and all that jazz.¡± ¡°So,¡± Mrs. Moore continued to stare at him. ¡°So¡ªyou don¡¯t understand what¡¯s going on? At all?!¡± ¡°Alright, okay,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head, looking out across the row of trailers lining the street. ¡°Here we go again, huh?¡± ¡°She was right about Lisa, an¡¯ everyone is saying so,¡± Mrs. Moore hissed out. ¡°She was right. About¡ªabout everything with her. Lisa had a thing full of heroin, they caught her with it. All that money we gave her for that piece of shit car that didn¡¯t run went right into her nose, or into her arm, or, or¡ªhowever heroin goes, I don¡¯t know, Alan!¡± ¡°There¡¯s just no way Lisa would¡ª¡± ¡°No¡ªstop, STOP!¡± His wife hollered over him. ¡°Lisa never gave a damn about those kids, she never gave a damn about nobody but herself, an¡¯ if you¡¯re still tellin¡¯ yourself otherwise, you¡¯re a goddamn fool.¡± ¡°Hon¡ª¡± ¡°She struck her own child right there in front of us, and over what?!¡± Mrs. Moore spat out. ¡°Over nothing. Just ¡®cause he was irritatin¡¯ her! Well, guess what, Alan? Kids are gonna irritate sometimes, and if you just¡ªif you just backhand them every time they do? That¡¯s not raisin¡¯ up a kid. That¡¯s more like abuse! Those four boys are not h-her, her belongings she can do whatever she damn well pleases with, they¡¯re children, and not a one of us but Tabitha did a damned thing to protect them from her. ¡°Tabitha was worried, Tabitha was watchful, and when she went to you ¡®splaining that she thought Lisa was doin¡¯ drugs? What do you do? Nothing. Because the perfect pretty Lisa in your head can¡¯t do drugs, because ¡®oh, a sensible person wouldn¡¯t do that,¡¯ because she¡¯s got family, an¡¯ so she knows better. She doesn¡¯t know better, Alan! For Christ¡¯s sake!¡± ¡°Alright, alright, calm down¡ª¡± ¡°No! No!¡± Shannon slapped his arm away from her. ¡°You listen to me! Every time someone points out to you how insensible Lisa is all the time, you go on and say ¡®oh, well she made a mistake.¡¯ It was the same with your brother Danny! ¡®Oh, he made a mistake.¡¯ Lisa was doing heroin, Alan! All that money she took, all o¡¯ her comin¡¯ back an¡¯ askin¡¯ for more money, it was for heroin! Your lousy brother, stealing all that stuff¡ªheroin, Alan! That¡¯s not an accident! That¡¯s not just a mistake!¡± There was no stopping her now, so Mr. Moore didn¡¯t even try to¡ªhe needed to let her get all of this out of her system so she could calm down. She¡¯d been working herself up about the whole crazy mess more and more as the days went on, and a big part of him worried that she wouldn¡¯t come to her senses. ¡°You¡¯re a goddamn fool, Alan,¡± Mrs. Moore wept bitter tears as she continued to glare at him from the other side of the truck¡¯s cab. ¡°Tabby, she didn¡¯t leave ¡®cause o¡¯ money. She didn¡¯t leave ¡®cause she¡¯s goin¡¯ through phases! She left because you¡¯re a goddamn fool, and more an¡¯ more? I think I must be one, too.¡± ¡°You¡¯re¡­ not a fool, honey,¡± Mr. Moore assured her. ¡°When everything gets figured out, I think¡ª¡± ¡°You keep saying that,¡± his wife huffed. ¡°You keep on just thinking this is all some big goddamn misunderstanding someone else is gonna sort out. It¡¯s not. An¡¯ that¡¯s more and more clear to everyone the longer this drags on. I¡¯ve talked with Laurie about it, you know? ¡®Bout how your heart¡¯s just so much bigger than your head. That you¡¯ve got all this, this blind trust for people, even where it don¡¯t belong. Laurie said it, said there¡¯s that saying¡ªtrust, but verify. ¡°Tabitha told you Lisa was doin¡¯ drugs, and then you just shook your head at that and trusted that she wasn¡¯t. Without verifying, without any sort of due diligence. To you, that¡¯s someone else¡¯s job to figure out, the police maybe, the courts. Because you¡¯re family, so you can just trust everything blindly. Not your problem, right! This wasn¡¯t even the first time this has happened, Alan! Tabitha told you that Taylor girl pushed her off of that trampoline jumper. If you¡¯d gone in and looked into all that, maybe Tabby wouldn¡¯t have been bullied so bad at school, maybe she¡¯d have not gotten hurt again and again. But, you just blew it off. We both did, didn¡¯t we? Kids playin¡¯ around, it¡¯ll sort itself out! Except it didn¡¯t, Alan! It got worse and worse and worse for her, an¡¯ all this after she told you about it, told US about it! She told you someone pushed her, she told the both of us at the dinner table how she¡¯d been bein¡¯ bullied. ¡°Both of us just, well, we refused to believe it. Trusted that everything¡¯d work itself out. Or someone else would look into it¡ªleave all that to the school board, the teachers or whoever. That¡¯s their job, right? Never our problem. We never did jack shit about anything any time Tabitha came to us for help. That¡¯s why we¡¯re goddamn fools, that¡¯s why Tabitha left the minute a better family than us opened their doors to her, and Alan? In my heart, I¡¯m not even sure she should come back.¡± ¡°Now don¡¯t you say that,¡± Mr. Moore told her in a tired voice. ¡°It¡¯s been a night, and you¡¯ve got yourself all riled up over this whole thing again. Sure, some of them things seem clearer when you¡¯re to where you¡¯re lookin¡¯ back on it all. Hindsight¡¯s twenty-twenty, they say that, too. Let¡¯s get you inside, honey, you¡¯re liable to catch cold out her like this, we both are, okay? We¡¯ve done the best we can as parents, and sometimes, well, things just¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m going inside,¡± Mrs. Moore said abruptly, turning to face him again as if she hadn¡¯t heard a word he¡¯d just said. ¡°I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m going to clean the house. Go through the fridge, and do up meals and prepare them up for the week like Tabitha did. Check through my old clothes and see if any of it even fits anymore¡ªtomorrow I¡¯m going out, I¡¯m going out and finding a job. I don¡¯t even care where! There¡¯s all sorts of signs up for seasonal help, I¡¯ll work at the mall, if I have to. I¡¯m done being fat and miserable and just waiting around the house for all my problems to magically fix themselves on their own! ¡°I¡¯m done being a goddamn fool, Alan.¡±
¡°You didn¡¯t open your other presents,¡± Hannah remarked, peeking over the lip of the bucket in Tabitha¡¯s room. ¡°Are they for Christmas?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha admitted, turning from where she was laying on the bed. ¡°They were for my birthday.¡± Tabitha had been too quiet this morning, and Hannah once again felt like she was on full alert trying to figure out what went wrong. They¡¯d made breakfast together for everyone¡ªbacon, eggs, and toast. Sometimes Hannah¡¯s sunny-side-up eggs still weren¡¯t coming out right, because you had to be more extra careful with the yolk. But, Tabitha had taught her it was okay to just scramble the ones that didn¡¯t work out right, because scrambled eggs were still okay too. Today they only scrambled one portion, which Hannah claimed for herself. Tomorrow I¡¯m gonna be SUPER EXTRA careful, and none of the eggs are gonna havta be scrambled up. Hannah had gone to school, another boring day at Springton Elementary. She sat with her friends Jennifer and Laura and did dumb school assignments, they talked about what they thought they might be getting for Christmas, and they argued with the stupid boys who sat on the other side of their table as usual. Her school friends weren¡¯t cool like Tabitha was, though¡ªas always, Hannah had been thrilled to clamber down the steps off the bus coming home and see Tabitha waiting for her at the end of their street. The problem was, Tabitha wasn¡¯t okay today, and Hannah could definitely tell. There were still smiles, but they were smaller, subdued, not as cheery as they normally were. Was Tabitha unhappy? Lapses into silence felt unusual, and Hannah would look up at Tabitha with expectation¡ªbut Tabitha apparently didn¡¯t want to talk about whatever was bothering her, and unlike with her parents, Hannah was genuinely worried about trying to pester the truth out of the girl. She hadn¡¯t had any real fights with Tabitha, they hadn¡¯t ever argued except in silly, teasing ways full of giggles and hugs, and the idea that she might someday upset Tabitha, that Tabitha might just leave¡ªthat honestly terrified Hannah. ¡°Well¡ªopen them!¡± Hannah said, confused and bewildered by the teenage girl¡¯s restraint. They¡¯re your presents! ¡°I should,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯m just¡­ scared to, I guess.¡± The concept of not being super excited to immediately open up presents was so alien to Hannah that the little girl couldn¡¯t help but frown and consider things again, staring down at the still-wrapped gifts resting deep in the bucket. It was true that you couldn¡¯t tell what they were, so they could be anything maybe, but Hannah didn¡¯t think they would ever be anything scary. Scary like, spiders? Dead stuff? Cleaning chemicals like under the sink, or a sharp knife, or razor blades, like mom said bad people hid in Halloween candy sometimes? Drugs? ¡°Is it¡­ do you think they might be drugs?!¡± Hannah blurted out, looking up from the bucket in shock. ¡°No! No,¡± Tabitha let out a wry chuckle. ¡°I don¡¯t think they¡¯re drugs.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah felt flummoxed, giving up on the bucket and clambering up to join Tabitha on the girl¡¯s bed. ¡°Then¡ªwhat?¡± ¡°Oh, Hannah banana,¡± Tabitha sighed, draping an arm over her. ¡°I don¡¯t want to put all my problems on you.¡± ¡°You have to,¡± Hannah insisted, giving Tabitha her most serious expression. ¡°Because, I said so.¡± ¡°Because you said so, huh?¡± Tabitha gave her a weak smile. ¡°Uh-huh.¡± They laid there for a while in silence, with Tabitha just gently patting Hannah¡¯s back. It didn¡¯t feel patronizing, and the teenage girl didn¡¯t seem to be clamming up, either¡ªit seemed like Tabitha was at a loss as to how to explain what she meant. Mom got that way too, sometimes, Hannah remembered how difficult it had been for the adults to explain what happened when dad got put in the hospital. Some topics were really big and¡­ heavy, Hannah supposed, not knowing how else to articulate the thought. Topics that weren¡¯t for kids to worry about, usually. Grown-ups dealt with stuff like that all of the time. The thought that her dad might die, back then? That was unbelievably heavy for Hannah, it was absolutely crushing, suffocating, and although yeah she¡¯d been mad that they didn¡¯t just come out and tell her, after they did finally reveal it¡ªshe sorta understood that the weight of all of that was too much for any seven year old. It hadn¡¯t been easy when Tabitha got attacked at the party, either. Adults stuff was sometimes boring like taxes and bills and work, but sometimes heavy with¡­ with hurt and stuff that wasn¡¯t even fair to deal with, but they had to anyways, because they were grown ups. This felt like that. Maybe Tabitha turning fourteen had piled up more grown-up heaviness on her a bit, because for the past while Tabitha had seemed tired, less herself. Hannah knew what feeling sad felt like, and that made her able to recognize that whatever was weighing on Tabitha, it wasn¡¯t sadness, exactly. It was a weary sort of¡­ emptiness, like Tabitha was missing something. ¡°I think¡­¡± Tabitha whispered out after the long silence. ¡°I think I¡¯m afraid that I¡¯ll open up the presents and be disappointed. So long as I don¡¯t open them, then, they can be anything! Schrodinger¡¯s presents. But, once I do open them¡ªthen they can¡¯t be anything, anymore, they might just be things that, that. That disappoint me. Or, make me mad. My relationship with my parents right now is just so very, very fragile, Hannah banana. It feels like it¡¯s hanging by this one last little thread, this string that might snap any minute. I¡¯m just¡­ I¡¯m not ready to risk any more disappointment, right now.¡± That was¡­ a lot. Hannah didn¡¯t know what to say to that, but it did all fit with her understanding of the heavy adult stuff, and not wanting to try to put that load on one little string. Not if that¡¯s all that was left for now to hold it all up. She knew from the things she overheard her parents say, and from how all the grown ups acted, that Tabitha¡¯s mom and dad had messed up, big-time. It wasn¡¯t very clear on the why or how or what they were in trouble for, exactly, but Hannah did know that it was why Tabitha was staying with them. ¡°I hope they¡¯re good presents, then,¡± Hannah lied. ¡°I¡¯m sure they probably are,¡± Tabitha gave a little shrug, sliding her hand off of Hannah. ¡°I just, I¡¯m not ready to even see, yet.¡± It seemed to be like a touchy subject, but Hannah sat up on her knees beside the girl, and then dropped down on top of Tabitha to give her an extra-strength hug. Maybe it would be rude to say Tabitha should just forget about her parents and instead stay with the Macintires forever. Hannah kept wanting to hint at that, or at least strongly suggest it, but now didn¡¯t seem like a good time¡ªnot when Tabitha was feeling vulnerable about the parents thing like this. If I say the wrong thing, I don¡¯t think it can be like you just scramble the eggs and they¡¯re still okay enough for breakfast, Hannah¡¯s brows furrowed. If I say the wrong thing, it might be¡­ like saying something bad you can never take back. I feel like that¡¯s what Tabitha means with the string thing, with why she doesn¡¯t even want to open up the presents from her parents. THAT¡¯s scary. How do dumb parents even GET like that? Her own mom and dad were dumb, they both always gave baloney non-answers to the how long can Tabitha stay with us question, with lots of we don¡¯t know yet, honey, and we¡¯ll have to see how things turn out. When the obvious correct answer was that she should just stay forever. Tabitha belonged with them, she was a perfect fit. Just the right age to feel like a big sister, but she could also do responsibilities stuff, like a nanny or babysitter. Sometimes she could be like having another daughter to her mom, a teenage-aged one, and sometimes when Hannah saw those two chatting alone, it was like they both spoke to each other as adults, as equals. Okay¡­ sometimes it¡¯s still weird with dad, Hannah admitted to herself. A few nights ago at dinner, dad had really ¡®stuck his foot in his mouth,¡¯ with a joke that Tabitha was getting to be like their family¡¯s red-headed stepchild. The lighthearted teasing atmosphere with mom had gone from amusement to full-stop actual anger in a heartbeat. Hannah had frozen up and gone wide-eyed, Tabitha had insisted that it was okay, that everything was okay, but both girls had watched from their side of the table as Mrs. Macintire helped her husband out of his seat and then escorted him back to bed. Where he was apparently grounded for the rest of the night. That had been awkward and bad. Likewise, when mom came back and Tabitha had hurried to apologize, that just seemed to frustrate mom even more, so Hannah wasn¡¯t blind to how delicate weird family stuff was with Tabitha around. Last night, when they came home from Applebee¡¯s dinner with Tabitha¡¯s parents, mom had been excited to take Hannah aside and explain that Tabitha would be with them a little longer. No one had ever even told her that was a risk! Or that there was a possibility of it happening so soon! The realization that Tabitha might have instead gone back to her own family that night blindsided Hannah to near tears. The idea that Tabitha might just be yanked out of her life, at any time, made her feel like she was about to go ballistic and have a total meltdown; Hannah couldn¡¯t let it happen. ¡°Hannah? Oof¡ªokay, Hannah?!¡± But, what do I even DO? Hannah frowned, refusing to unlatch herself from where she¡¯d piled herself on top, even when Tabitha kept trying to struggle her way free. How do we make sure she just STAYS with us? Stays with us forever and ever like she¡¯s supposed to?
The four Moore boys plodded home through the cold from their bus stop together, weary from a school day but lapsing back and forth into serious discussion over what they wanted for Christmas. It was a difficult thing to talk about, because they wanted so many things, but basically already knew everything they would be getting this year. Everything with the exception of one new revelation; that apparently Tabitha had a present for them this year. ¡°I can¡¯t tell you, ¡®cause it¡¯s a secret,¡± Joshua couldn¡¯t help but feel smug. The experience at the roller rink made them all want roller blades, which then prompted the topic of getting hockey sticks. It went without saying that they always wanted more video games and action figures¡ªthey were boys. A new bike would have been awesome. The four boys shared two bicycles, and only the newer one had the kind of handlebars you could have another kid sit on to tote them around¡ªso, no matter what, one of them was always going to be running behind them, stuck on foot. They trudged up the porch steps and into the warmth of their grandma¡¯s apartment, shedding backpacks and then their winter coats into the big typical heap near the door. Next, eight beaten and battered sneakers were kicked and wrestled off and nudged into the edge of the entryway pile. Grandma was working on mac and cheese for supper, and after a few minutes of four children clambering for the kool-aid pitcher from the fridge, drinking, setting their mostly empty cups everywhere all across the counter¡ªto grandma Laurie¡¯s exasperation¡ªthe boys were all swatted away and shooed out of the kitchen. They trooped over instead into their room together¡ªthem having a room of their own here at all still being a somewhat recent development to adjust to. When it became clear that their stay would be semi-permanent rather than a long visit, the sewing machine stuff and laundry and old storage from the study was transferred to grandma Laurie¡¯s room so that the boys wouldn¡¯t have to camp out in the living room every night. A beat up and blocky old wooden bunk bed from a yard sale took up the left side of the room, while a brand new metal bunk bed from the mattress store in Sandboro dominated the right side of the room. The bottom bunk of the metal one was a futon bed, and when it was folded out it reached all the way across to touch the wooden bunk bed opposite, eliminating any remaining floor space. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. The former study had never been large. Both of the beds had ladders, and the narrow confines of the room meant the pair of bunk beds were something of a tiny jungle gym for the boys to play around on. Their dresser had been forced into the scant space left to put it, despite that meaning the bottom half of their window was blocked off. Because Joshua was still the shortest of them all, a third of his mattress space on his bunk was occupied by their toy bin and boxes of their stuff that wouldn¡¯t fit anywhere else. The crowded area was as messy as it could be with toys and clothes, scattered books and magazines and school papers¡ªthe simple lack of space meant there really wasn¡¯t room for too much clutter to even exist. ¡°Just tell us,¡± Aiden whined. ¡°It¡¯s a secret!¡± Joshua said again. ¡°Is it a Nerf gun?¡± Sam asked, rummaging up to his shoulder through the toy bin to fish for the smaller items that sifted through towards the bottom. ¡°Yeah, we need more guns super bad,¡± Nicholas said. It was true¡ªthe boys¡¯ arsenal was in a sorry state. Their dad understood, and usually got them a pair of new guns each year, but with him gone and their grandma still against buying them ¡®awful guns,¡¯ they hadn¡¯t been able to replace any of the broken ones or the ones whose darts went missing. The neighborhood kids nearby like Kenny and Liam and their friends all had tons of Nerf weapons. While some borrowing and lending was expected when they wanted to equip everyone for a super huge battle at the park playground¡ªthat still meant the other kids kept the best picks for themselves. No one felt quite so poor as the kid stuck with some cheapo second hand gun and one or two crooked foam darts that barely managed to fire a few feet away. The four brothers shared ownership of their Nerf Eagle Eye¡ªa big heavy bolt-action contraption that maybe once had a laser scope¡ªboth the batteries and battery compartment cover were missing, as well as all but two of their darts for it. They had one Nerf bow and then one generic brand dollar store-version of a Nerf bow, but well over a dozen foam arrows, because at one point they¡¯d had a dollar store bow set for each of them¡ªthose ones broke a little too easily. Their only halfway decent gun was their Nerf Ballzooka, for which they still had nine of the original ten balls for ammunition. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªwell, no, it¡¯s not a Nerf gun,¡± Joshua¡¯s expression soured. ¡°I did ask. She said she didn¡¯t think of that, but maybe next year?¡± ¡°Lame,¡± Aiden scoffed. ¡°Bogus.¡± ¡°You¡¯re lame,¡± Nicholas argued. ¡°Not like you¡¯re even getting her anything for Christmas!¡± ¡°Yeah, she didn¡¯t even havta get us anything,¡± Joshua scowled at his ungrateful brothers. ¡°But¡ªshe actually got each of us something.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± Samuel asked again, fishing out one Ninja Turtle after another from the toybox. ¡°Action figures?¡± ¡°Probably something stupid,¡± Aiden rolled his eyes. ¡°Like she sewed us a stupid sweater with grandma on the machine. They always used to be in there doing stupid stuff with it.¡± ¡°Wait, for each of us?¡± Nicholas perked up. ¡°Definitely action figures, then. Right?¡± ¡°Nope, but I¡¯m not telling,¡± Joshua smirked. ¡°But, it was expensive.¡± ¡°Expensive?¡± Samuel looked up from the toy bin. Each of the boys exchanged glances with each other¡ªJoshua now had their undivided attention. ¡°How expensive?¡± Aiden asked, shoving Joshua¡¯s shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s a secret,¡± Joshua grinned. ¡°But. Like, eighty dollars.¡± Their room exploded with commotion at that, because that was a huge sum of money. Forget an action figure or two or even an action figure-sized vehicle, eighty dollars was all the way clear into big playset territory! Each of the boys couldn¡¯t help but ache with longing at the thought of some of the pricier-looking big stuff in the Toys-R-Us ad pages. After all, aside from their Bruce Wayne Manor playset, the biggest thing they had to play with with their figures was their old Fisher Price castle from forever ago. ¡°Wait wait wait, shut up,¡± Samuel quieted down his cheering brothers by holding both hands up. ¡°Is it something separate for each of us? ¡®Cause then, if she spent eighty dollars total, that means it¡¯s really just, what, twenty-five bucks spent on each of us like individually.¡± He was the oldest of the boys, and they couldn¡¯t argue with his math. It was a sobering thought for each of them, but not altogether bad news, either¡ªtwenty-five bucks for a toy just to have for themselves was still really good. The question was, what did Tabitha get them? They¡¯d already snooped through grandma Laurie¡¯s closet and found their Christmas presents from her there, so in a lot of ways that fire of excitement had already died down to embers of impatience, since they obviously weren¡¯t allowed to open them yet. Their parents were both in jail or prison or whatever, so they knew they had to expect less stuff than normal for Christmas. Grandma had told them they could look forward to a letter or a card from their mom and dad¡­ but who cared about letters or Christmas cards? Not boys their age, and Joshua wasn¡¯t even all that excited about driving out to see their dad for a visitation soon, either. Yeah, he wanted to see his dad, but he wasn¡¯t all that excited for it. ¡°So¡ªwhat is it?!¡± Nicholas threw one of the pillows from the bed across the room at Joshua. ¡°It¡¯s a secret. So, I¡¯m not telling,¡± Joshua answered with a proud look, then putting on his best wizened, cryptic smile. ¡° She said it¡¯s like a Tamagotchi, but not a Tamagotchi.¡± ¡°What is it?!¡± Aiden pushed Joshua again. ¡°Ow! Quit it.¡± ¡°Like a Tamagotchi, but not a Tamagotchi¡­¡± Sam mused, trying to imagine what it could be. ¡°So it¡¯s like a little thing¡­ one for each of us.¡± ¡°Mighty Max?¡± Nicholas guessed. ¡°It¡¯s probably like a Mighty Max.¡± ¡°Or Z-bots,¡± Aiden perked up. ¡°Or Star Wars!¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Sam said, leaning back over the toy box again and pulling out a stormtrooper head. ¡°But¡­ does she know we¡¯ve already got one?¡± Many different toy brands jumped on the Mighty Max and Polly Pocket compact craze and introduced transforming playset toys. Their plastic Micro Machines Stormtrooper Action Playset head folded out into to reveal a few tiny little Death Star scenes inside, with space to put a fighter ship at the top, and then the bottom was a trash compactor zone with a little dial that could make it open and close. ¡°Right, that¡¯s probably what it is,¡± Aiden nodded in understanding. ¡°We saw last time in the toy section; there¡¯s a bunch of different ones. So it could be one of those for each of us. Like, Boba Fett opens up into Cloud City.¡± ¡°It might not be Star Wars ones, though,¡± Nicholas said. ¡°Could be Mighty Max, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Alien or Predator or anything, really!¡± ¡°You¡¯ll have to wait and see?¡± Joshua gave them his most obnoxious knowing smile and a big shrug¡ªbefore being buried by thrown pillows and wadded-up bedcovers as his brothers tossed everything they could at him. He felt a little guilty at getting their hopes up, but there was no way he was not going to take advantage of finally being the one to know something that none of them did. It was okay if the Christmas presents from Tabitha were just off-brand cheapo Tamagotchis instead of something neat like a new Nerf gun or a bunch of Mighty Max sets for them. They¡¯d never had Tamagotchis before anyways, so it wasn¡¯t like they¡¯d know the difference from the expensive official brand ones. Just having one that¡¯ll be MINE will be super cool, Joshua thought as he struggled to toss the pillows back at his brothers¡ªit was futile, because they were just grabbing them and throwing them back at him even faster. Grandma¡¯s always griping about how we have too many toys, but it¡¯s only like A LOT of stuff if you consider it for like, one kid. Four of us being told to share¡­ well, it¡¯s not even that much, really. No one really learns to hate the word ¡®SHARE¡¯ like a kid with three siblings¡ªlet alone being the youngest one.
¡°Okay. So; what do you think about Tabitha joining Art Club?¡± Alicia asked, leaning heavily across the scuffed glass counter. ¡°I¡¯m all for it,¡± Casey shrugged. ¡°Is she coming back to Springton High, though?¡± Monday nights at Family Video were slow. Aside from a bit of midday activity that consisted mostly of people returning their weekend rentals, there just wasn¡¯t much to do. Casey was closing tonight, and although the Family Video franchise was technically open until midnight every night¡­ Springton was a real small town. She was the only one staffed in the store until close, and close was gonna be nine o¡¯clock if Casey decided it wasn¡¯t busy enough¡ªher manager, Doug, was a cool guy and left things to her discretion. ¡°Yeah, I think after Christmas break she¡¯s coming back,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Elena and I are kinda-sorta fighting over who gets custody of her? Elena¡¯s doing cheer tryouts and Tabitha might go for that, but I wanna pull her into Art, instead.¡± ¡°Cheer?¡± Casey made a face. ¡°Gawd, I hope not. Tabitha doesn¡¯t strike me as the snooty rich bitch type?¡± ¡°I know!¡± Alicia clapped a hand on the counter in agreement. ¡°And Elena¡¯s like¡ªshe said she¡¯s not going back to blonde, so like¡ª?!¡± ¡°Right?!¡± Casey sniffed. ¡°They should both come to Art Club, f¡¯ya ask me.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia bobbed her head in a nod. ¡°They totally should.¡± Casey let out a groan of frustration, out of habit checking the drop-off bin beneath the counter again. Just like last time she looked, it was still empty. There were no videos to rewind, nothing to put back away, nothing to do. When Alicia showed up, Casey had teased the freshman girl about making her vacuum the carpets for her before close, but at this rate Casey was going to plug in the cleaner and get started just to help kill time. ¡°Is it always this slow, here?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Nah,¡± Casey blew out an exasperated breath. ¡°When we¡¯re busy we get slammed, just¡ªwhen we¡¯re not busy, it¡¯s this, and I do homework or something.¡± ¡°That¡¯s cool,¡± Alicia shrugged. ¡°Get to get all your stuff done and get paid while you¡¯re at it.¡± ¡°I guess,¡± Casey sighed. ¡°Doug¡¯s cool with me doing school stuff, but he won¡¯t let me just play my Gameboy on shifts.¡± ¡°I mean,¡± Alicia gestured across the empty aisles. ¡°How¡¯s he gonna know?¡± ¡°Eh,¡± Casey made a face. ¡°I¡¯d know. So¡ªyeah.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Alicia gave her a curious look. ¡°I had you pegged for like, more or a rule-breaker? Like, a rebel.¡± ¡°I am, sorta,¡± Casey said. ¡°If Doug was a dick, I¡¯d blow off whatever he says and just do whatever, I guess. But, he¡¯s cool. Letting me do my assignments and stuff when it¡¯s slow is already cool, he¡¯s chill about a buncha stuff. I don¡¯t want to like, let him down for the rules he is serious about, you know?¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Alicia pondered that over. ¡°So,¡± Casey gave Alicia a look. ¡°Tabs is from the future?¡± The dark-skinned freshman girl gave a start at that, out of reflex glancing over her shoulder as if there might be customers who could have overheard. Family Video remained empty, and Alicia returned her attention to Casey with a sheepish smile and a shrug. ¡°I mean, yeah, kinda,¡± Alicia mumbled. ¡°Elena doesn¡¯t believe her.¡± ¡°But you believe her?¡± Casey asked, arching an eyebrow. ¡°I¡­ yeah, I think I do,¡± Alicia answered with a helpless shrug. ¡°But, it¡¯s real complicated. Annnd¡ªI dunno if I should ever even say anything, without her here to like¡­ I don¡¯t know? It¡¯s so weird. Tabs is cool with letting stuff slip, but then Elena doesn¡¯t even believe her and she¡¯s all like you can¡¯t go around saying stuff if it¡¯s true, ¡®cause government scientists will abduct you and dissect your brain or whatever.¡± ¡°It¡¯s interesting,¡± Casey remarked. Is that why you¡¯re interested in her, Alicia? ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°I love¡ªuh, well I could just sit there and listen to her go on and on about all the future stuff for hours, I think. It¡¯s all just so fascinating to think about, to get this like, outside perspective on everything. Whether or not it¡¯s true there¡¯s just this whole big ton of thought put into everything. She¡¯s got song lyrics, she¡¯s got movie information and books and video game stuff, fashion, like, cultural trends, internet stuff¡ªsocial medium. No, media. Social media. I always get that wrong.¡± ¡°Movies?¡± Casey perked up. ¡°That¡¯s like¡ªcouldn¡¯t we quiz her on stuff that¡¯s about to come out? Super easy way of testing for if she¡¯s telling the truth or not?¡± ¡°Kinda?¡± Alicia held up her hands in a helpless expression. ¡°She knows some and it¡¯s real legit, like it rings true, but then she just hasn¡¯t seen a lot of stuff since she¡¯s not all that into movies. Or, she wasn¡¯t in the future.¡± ¡°What¡¯d she know?¡± Casey couldn¡¯t help but ask. ¡°She¡¯d for sure already seen Pleasantville before we sat down and watched it,¡± Alicia revealed. ¡°Elena thinks she might¡¯ve heard spoilers from somebody else, but I don¡¯t. Tabs is like¡­ she doesn¡¯t get out and around and talk to people all that much in the first place. She knows all the Star Wars movies coming out.¡± ¡°Okay stop, stop,¡± Casey warned. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta ask, but I also don¡¯t want any spoilers, so¡ªjust tell me, is Episode One gonna be good?¡± ¡°She, uh,¡± Alicia winced. ¡°She said she liked it? But¡­ but then, she also said most Star Wars fans didn¡¯t like it.¡± ¡°Shit,¡± Casey swore, more convinced than ever. ¡°She really is from the future. That sounds¡­ depressingly realistic?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia turned glum. ¡°It¡¯s like that with a lot of things.¡± ¡°What¡¯s bad about it?¡± Casey pressed. ¡°Wait, no¡ªwhat¡¯s good about it?! I¡¯ve gotta, like, I need to¡ªdo I havta bring my expectations way, way down before I go see it? We were gonna¡ªMatthew and I were gonna do the big fan thing, gonna camp out overnight for the day Sandboro theater puts tickets up. Is it¡ªhow bad is it?!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know?!¡± Alicia threw her hands up in frustration. ¡°Wanna ask her once you¡¯re done here?¡± ¡°Damn, kinda?¡± Casey sighed, patting the pockets of her work slacks as she surveyed the empty rental store. We could probably close up a little early, right?
With a heavy sigh, Tabitha let the borrowed harlequin novel rest open on her chest as she stared up at the ceiling. The book was a sixties-era romance about a greenhouse owner and his savvy new secretary, written by an author who had vague ideas about gender equality in the workplace but was apparently too horny to really go anywhere sensible with them. The sex scenes were frequent, sloppy, and written in such purple prose that Tabitha honestly began to wonder if they had been put in coded metaphors to bypass censorship of some kind. In the end, Tabitha found herself emotionally empty and mildly annoyed rather than hot and bothered. It seemed curious and a little crude to her how often this writer referred to male genitalia with weapon words¡ªit was always a meaty cudgel, bearded scepter, or a sword shaft. A tallywhacker. Rather than inviting images of intimacy, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but then picture a desperate fight against weedy arbor overgrowth. As if the hapless businessman character had stumbled into a closed garden of overly articulate and questionably passionate bafflegab and was forced to struggle for survival, beating back an entire thesaurus of slithering synonyms. It was futile¡ªhe was now wholly enraptured¡ªflowery adjectives blossomed in twos and threes to suffocate each and every root noun, all while a heady pollen of poetic emotional undertones laced the greenhouse air. It was hard for Tabitha not to read it all as the sensual schadenfreude of a lonely writer engorging her wordcount between sips of wine, transforming her frustrated ¡®you know, I¡¯d really rather be getting laid right now¡¯ sentiment into manuscripts that would pay the bills. Perhaps this was one of those despised authors who could stamp out a novella like this in a single month, the kind that churned out constant content without pause. Tabitha lifted the book again to skim across one of the descriptive lines. ¡°...Stiff staring truncheon, red-topped and rooted in a thicket of curls,¡± Tabitha repeated out loud in a wry voice, then closing the book with a decisive clap. ¡°Yeahhh. Yep. That¡¯ll do, pig. That¡¯ll do.¡± She set the romance novel aside on the stand beside her bed, where Message in a Bottle already rested¡ªboth had failed to pull her out of her melancholic funk. With Message in a Bottle she caught herself having to reread swaths of paragraphs, because she would reach the end of a page and realize she¡¯d absorbed nothing and processed none of the words. The romance novel on loan from Mrs. Macintire was potentially risque enough to hold her attention for a brief while, but then squandered it in meaningless but vaguely sexual¡­ romance novel babble. She didn¡¯t know how else to describe the drivel that had been put to those pages but romance novel babble. Maybe if she was really in the mood for that, the sentences would all magically align with her subconscious and make some kind of better impression¡­ but, she honestly doubted it. Tabitha simply wasn¡¯t in the mood. I just¡ªever since I failed to get through to my dad with all of that last night, it¡¯s like some part of my brain switched off. And now, I just don¡¯t really feel much about anything. Don¡¯t really care. It¡¯s not even depression exactly, it¡¯s¡ªI don¡¯t know. Depression lite? Zero calories depression? I just¡ªI don¡¯t care about much of anything at the moment. I don¡¯t even feel BLAH, because I¡¯ve FELT blah before, and that was feeling SOMETHING. This is reaching thrilling new levels or tiers of BLAH. In Tabitha¡¯s opinion, one tended to build their idea of their own identity or characterize oneself according to what was important to them. Wasn¡¯t a person defined by their aspirations, or who they wanted to be, or what things they cared about that drove them towards this or that life goals? Then¡­ what about times like this, when she didn¡¯t feel much of anything? If this was a book, this here would be one of the bits that gets glossed over in a time skip, Tabitha decided as she stared upwards again. This is where I am. I guess the me of right now is just the blank, leftover page space that precedes some next chapter of my life. Just a bunch of blah, a bunch of BLUHBLAH BLAHBLUH not worth elaborating on or putting into words. Not worth the keystrokes. Not worth putting into ink. Perhaps worst of all, Tabitha found this feeling all too familiar. Her previous life had mostly been spent in this sort of meaningless daze, day by day going through the motions of life without actually ever seeming to live. There was scant material throughout the broad years of her life that would have been notable enough to merit putting into words. That was depressing. It was eerie how time could just sort of start slipping on by, and the daily routine turns to weeks and then years without much of anything major happening. Until, before you know it, it¡¯s too late. You¡¯re old and tired. Despite having accomplished just about nothing, despite never feeling like the protagonist of your own story. A knock on her bedroom door jolted her out of her moping thoughts, and Tabitha jumped, fighting down the urge to hide the harlequin novel on the bookstand. ¡°Hey, Tabitha kiddo?¡± Mrs. Macintire called. ¡°You still up?¡± ¡°Come in,¡± Tabitha answered, sitting up and swiveling her legs off of the bed. ¡°I think you¡¯ve got a late night visitor outside,¡± Mrs. Macintire peeked in through the door with a smile but didn¡¯t enter. ¡°Why don¡¯t you have a look?¡± ¡°A¡­ visitor?¡± Tabitha retrieved her hoodie and grabbed her new shoes, carrying them down the hall and over towards the tiled entrance area by the door. The front window beside the door revealed a vehicle with its lights on idling out by the streetlight, and after struggling her way into the hoodie and donning the brand new blue Nike Air Maxes she hurried out the door to see who it was. ¡°Tabs!¡± Alicia opened the passenger-side door of what Tabitha now saw to be an old early nineties red SUV, with Casey giving a wave from the driver¡¯s seat. ¡°We¡¯re gonna go drivin¡¯ around¡ªyou wanna come with?¡± ¡°Uh,¡± Tabitha¡¯s mind went blank but a smile crept into her features. ¡°Yeah! Hold on one sec, let me tell them.¡± ¡°Cool!¡± Alicia yelled back. ¡°¡®Kay.¡± As she darted back towards the house, Tabitha realized she was almost giddy with relief. Driving around with friends was exactly what she needed right now to climb up out of her ever-deepening teenage ennui. Realizing the obvious just made her feel sheepish about it, because it was simply difficult and awkward to adjust to the mindset of having friends. She¡¯d spent too many years alone, and kept falling into a tendency to isolate herself and sink down into her own thoughts. When I don¡¯t even HAVE to anymore, I just need to¡ªyou know¡ªto JB Weld, to look up, to remember everyone, to get over myself and stop having these ONLY-TABITHA¡¯S-INVITED pity parties. Might even have to cancel the pity parade! ¡°Mrs. Maci¡ª¡± Tabitha reopened the door and leaned back inside. ¡°Mom,¡± Mrs. Macintire corrected with a smirk from where she was lounging on the living room sofa. ¡°Mrs¡­ mom, is it alright if I¡ª?¡± ¡°Have fun, try to get back before eleven,¡± Mrs. Macintire made a shooing gesture. ¡°Thanks,¡± Tabitha beamed from the doorway. ¡°Thank you.¡± She was excited, Tabitha felt like she was grinning like an idiot, and it was embarrassing how quickly her depressive malaise was overturned. As a freshly-minted fourteen-year-old girl, each mood she fell into hit like a truck and seemed absolutely inescapable. Her mental state could crater into an absolute wreck after that meeting with her parents one night, and then apparently rebound up afterwards the next none the worse for wear, just at the prospect of hanging out with friends! Being a teenage girl was an incomprehensible roller coaster of ups and downs regardless of whatever her ¡®memory age¡¯ might really be, and once again Tabitha felt like she was just strapped in and along the ride, now¡ªrolling with the twists and turns as best she could. The front door of the house was carefully closed, and then Tabitha dashed out to the JMC Jimmy. The bounce in her step wasn¡¯t just excitement, either¡ªthe soles of her new shoes lent a spring to each step in ways her beat up old sneakers with their worn out old soles never could. ¡°Hi guys!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Heeeey,¡± Casey drawled. ¡°Sup!¡± Alicia snorted. ¡°We were talking about you, and thought¡ªhey, why don¡¯t we just all get together? Sorry, were you busy?¡± ¡°I was¡­ moping,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Moping?¡± Casey asked as she shifted into gear and pulled away from the curb. ¡°Dinner with my parents last night,¡± Tabitha said, slumping in her seat upon the middle bench for a moment before thinking to look around for seatbelts. ¡°About the whole¡­ all that stuff. Living situation and stuff with Lisa. Ugh. Where are the seatbelts for¡ª?¡± ¡°Oh, uh¡ªprobably tucked into the seat,¡± Casey glanced over her shoulder. ¡°Sorry. You might havta dig ¡®em out.¡± ¡°So your parents are all still weird about it?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha shrugged as she twisted in place to try to fit her good hand in between the cushion between the middle seat and bench rest. ¡°My mom seems to get it, but my dad¡ªugggh he still just can¡¯t believe Lisa would ever do drugs. There¡¯s like this¡ªew ew ew why are there so many crumbs?! There¡¯s like¡ªyou have like an entire handful of, of, of chips and fries and pretzels and stuff down in these seats?!¡± ¡°Wellll,¡± Casey drawled in an unapologetic voice. ¡°That¡¯s actually how trail mix is made! You see, you get a plastic baggie, and then you reach between the cushions there, and anything they find is¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, gross,¡± Alicia groaned. ¡°Now I¡¯m gonna think of that next time I see trail mix.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªI dunno, I never sit back there,¡± Casey laughed. ¡°It¡¯s my damn Jimmy! I sit here, in the captain¡¯s seat. Probably some dudes from youth group spilling food or shit like that.¡± ¡°I found the seat buckle,¡± Tabitha reported with a sigh. ¡°...And some change, I think.¡± ¡°S¡¯all yours, s¡¯your finder¡¯s fee,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°Wait, change, how much change?¡± Casey paused. ¡°Quarters?¡± ¡°No quarters,¡± Tabitha ignored the pennies and nickel she¡¯d discovered and tried to wipe her hand clean on her jeans. ¡°So¡ªwhere are we going?¡± ¡°Just cruisin¡¯ around,¡± Casey said. ¡°Was always saying we should hang out with you more often, right?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia agreed. ¡°We¡¯ve gotta get you in more with the art club peeps. Before the cheerleaders get their claws into you.¡± ¡°Definitely,¡± Casey nodded. ¡°Like¡ªhey, you interested in an art club tee shirt?¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s¡ªwait, that¡¯s my line, Alicia playfully slapped Casey¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m treasurer now, right?¡± ¡°Sorry, force of habit,¡± Casey stuck out her tongue. ¡°How much are they?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°I¡¯ll buy one.¡± ¡°Awesome!¡± Alicia beamed. ¡°The uh, well the box of them¡¯s in the art room right now actually, but they¡¯re fifteen dollars. Whenever we can get you over there for art club, we¡¯ll get you whatever size shirt you want.¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Thanks.¡± Casey did appear to be taking the scenic route rather than heading directly out of the neighborhood and towards Springton¡¯s main strip. Streetlights passed by one by one as they explored the swath of suburb here, seeing where each street took them and simply driving along aimlessly. The radio was on, but when commercials began to air Alicia twisted the volume down until it was background noise, and when they finally pulled out of the block the Macintires lived in and steered into another neighborhood, Casey began to point out at the dark houses. ¡°Gary lives in that one, he¡¯s a sophomore,¡± Casey said. ¡°He¡¯s cool. Real into basketball, whenever any of the guys around school talk about playing casual games, they¡¯re talking about Gary and his friends. They hang out and shoot hoops all the time in their little group.¡± ¡°Are you into basketball?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Ehh,¡± Casey made a noncommittal sound. ¡°Nah. If it¡¯s just Matthew and a couple of his friends, sure. Or, I¡¯ll play Around the World or back and forth shots or something, but whenever it gets to where there¡¯s a lot of people or it¡¯s all competitive, I start feeling like I¡¯m just in the way. We have the half court there at church for the youth group. I¡¯m more into volleyball, I guess?¡± ¡°And running?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Oh, yeah,¡± Casey said. ¡°Definitely. You allowed to run yet? Like, has the doctor cleared you for stuff?¡± ¡°¡®Nother week or so,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I can¡¯t wait. I hate thinking how flabby I must be getting!¡± ¡°You¡¯re fine,¡± Alicia shot Tabitha a grin. ¡°Trust me. Look at me, I look great and I never run!¡± ¡°Okay, but¡ªso, Tabitha, you¡¯re from the future?¡± Casey drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. ¡°I¡¯ve just gotta know. Is Phantom Menace good, or bad?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha flushed. ¡°Both?¡± ¡°Both?¡± Casey shared a skeptical look with Alicia before returning her eyes to the road. ¡°Explain!¡± ¡°Without spoiling?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°I guess as much as you can, yeah.¡± ¡°Alright. Sooo¡­ where do I even start?¡± Tabitha floundered. ¡°Story? Like, is the movie good?¡± Casey laughed. ¡°Yes, or no?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ alright?¡± Tabitha hemmed and hawed for a moment as she tried to think of what to say. ¡°Okay, let me think about it for a second. Try to remember everything¡ªit¡¯s been a while.¡± Casey waved to indicate she could take all the time she needed, but Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure what to even say. When someone liked a movie it was usually pretty easy to determine why, and when someone hated a movie it was usually for pretty clear-cut reasons, but Tabitha found herself¡­ mostly ambivalent to the Phantom Menace. It had high highs and then also low lows, it was easy to praise, and just as easy to criticize. Here in the late nineties, Episode One was shaping up to be a big memorable event¡ªit was Star Wars, after all, so of course Casey seemed to be of the mind that it would make a gigantic impression on everyone either way. ¡°Okay, so¡ªThe Phantom Menace, right?¡± Tabitha clarified. ¡°I enjoyed it, I think it¡¯s a good movie, but it also has a lot of flaws. Some might find those flaws to be crippling? It might depend on what your expectations for the movie are.¡± ¡°Flaws?¡± Casey frowned. ¡°One of its biggest problems, I think, was that it was a Star Wars movie,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Which meant it did not have as much freedom or leeway in what it could do. It needed to feel like it was cut from the same cloth, it needed to connect to the old movies, and at the same time, it needed to be it¡¯s own thing, it needed to be fresh, and new, and innovate.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Casey nodded. ¡°That¡¯s, like¡ªyou mean it has to be kinda familiar to the Star Wars movies, and that¡¯s good and bad?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°From what I remember, that became one of the bigger talking points about Star Wars down the line with the other films, but for even worse reasons. If George Lucas only shows these new ideas and places, the uh, styles of architecture and spaceships and all of that¡ªthen you¡¯ll have all of these hardcore fans who feel like it¡¯s not Star Wars anymore. If he goes in the other direction, it¡¯s, well, it feels derivative, it¡¯s like he¡¯s just retreading the same boring things again. Does that make sense?¡± ¡°Kinda?¡± Casey quirked her lip. ¡°Now, to me¡ªand this is just my views,¡± Tabitha warned, ¡°the Phantom Menace struggled a bit because there wasn¡¯t a clear single protagonist to connect to. It bounces around, for the first act, it¡¯s Obi-wan and Liam Neeson, then in the second act they introduce Anakin, and it feels like it¡¯s his show for a bit. Then, going into the climax, who we follow jumps from person to person and it feels like¡ªlike, whose story is this, exactly?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Casey slowly parsed all of that information. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªthat doesn¡¯t feel like a deal-breaker, just yet.¡± ¡°Jar-Jar Binks was universally panned by audiences,¡± Tabitha said, cringing. ¡°You may have seen him in the trailer? He was this slapstick, comic-relief goofy alien character¡­ annnd, everyone hated him.¡± ¡°Oooh,¡± Casey made a face, taking a glance at Alicia¡¯s anxious expression. ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°Additionally, pretty much all of the aliens in that one faced some criticism for possibly being racist caricatures,¡± Tabitha remembered. ¡°I don¡¯t know how much of a deal that would be here in 1998, but there got to be more of a fuss over it later on. Jar-Jar I think was vaguely Jamaican? I know the junk dealer fairy guy was clearly supposed to be Jewish, and then the corporate baddies with the mannerisms and way they talked was kinda leaning on these tropes, uh, ¡®chinaman¡¯ tropes of Chinese-American speech patterns with the choppy engrish, and how it was done in an insensitive way.¡± ¡°Alright, that¡¯s¡ªthat¡¯s alright,¡± Casey gave a small shrug. ¡°Throughout the original movies it¡¯s like all the Empire has those stiff upper-class British accents and they¡¯re all in like, quasi-nazi looking uniforms and have stormtroopers and all that. While the Rebels are all like, plucky American accents and all that jazz. All that sort of culture vibe¡¯s gotta come from somewhere originally. What else?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha appeared to be racking her brains. ¡°Is the space-chariot-racing thing dumb?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Chariot-racing?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Oh, uh, the pod-racing?¡± ¡°Yeah, that was one of the things that worried me, from reading articles about it all,¡± Alicia admitted. ¡°The whole ¡®pod¡¯ thing seems kinda ehhh, and then using rockets instead of horses or space-future animals just seems¡ªhonestly? Absurd.¡± ¡°Well¡ªno, actually,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°The pod-racing part was really cool, in my opinion. I would give it full marks. Great sound design, it was filmed well, had a lot of tension, the CG holds up really well even on into the future, it was all pretty brilliant.¡± ¡°...Really?¡± Alicia rose up in her seat a bit in excitement. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha gave her a serious nod. ¡°There was¡ªoh wait! No, there was one real bad part about it. The two-headed announcer guy for the races, he was awful. Like, the official race guy, giving commentary for the people in the stands. He looked bad, sounded bad, they, honestly they should¡¯ve just cut him out. The whole rest of the race sequence was phenomenal.¡± ¡°Okay, pod-racing; good,¡± Casey noted. ¡°Except announcer guy.¡± ¡°Really good,¡± Tabitha confirmed. ¡°George Lucas was¡ªI don¡¯t know if you know, but he was really into cars and racing for a big part of his life, and so then he managed to incorporate that into his films finally. It was really well done.¡± ¡°What about the Queen chick?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°What¡¯s her deal?¡± ¡°Natalie Portman? Well,¡± Tabitha pursed her lips. ¡°She¡¯s okay. Didn¡¯t impress or disappoint, really, I guess. They try to do a sort of twist reveal with her character¡¯s identity, but I don¡¯t remember it really having a strong impact like they might¡¯ve hoped. They put her in crazy elaborate outfits with weird hairdos as kind of a throwback to Leia. ¡°Oh! Keira Knightley was cast in a little role as one of the royal handmaidens. She¡¯s not real big now, but she¡¯s a pretty famous actress later on, in the pirate movies. Pirates of the Caribbean, bunch of movies based on the Disneyland attraction. Or maybe it was Disneyworld? One of those big theme parks.¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Alicia looked thoughtful. ¡°I think I¡¯ve been on that ride? It sounds familiar.¡± ¡°How about the new darth?¡± Casey pressed for details. ¡°Cool? Lame? How is he?¡± ¡°Very cool, but¡ªum,¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°I don¡¯t know that I can comment on him without really spoiling a lot. He¡¯s used very sparingly! So, it doesn¡¯t give us much of anything in the way of character or motivation or backstory or anything like that, but he has amazing screen presence, and the action scenes with him are incredible.¡± ¡°Okay. So that¡ª¡± Casey bit her lip. ¡°He dies?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t spoil it!¡± Alicia exclaimed. ¡°Cover your ears, quick,¡± Casey said with a grin. ¡°So, he dies in this Phantom Menace movie, or¡­?¡± ¡°He¡­ does, yes,¡± Tabitha whispered, giving Alicia an amused look as the girl clutched both hands over her ears and turned away. ¡°So, in my opinion, he was fine if you consider Episode One as a standalone film! Perfectly fine. But, then when you consider it as the overall prequel trilogy¡­ they wasted him too soon. They had to set up a new darth for the next one, and I think between some characters dying in Phantom Menace and some characters like Anakin needing to be recast with different actors, it felt like it hurt continuity from film to film, for me. I honestly struggle to connect Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones mentally even, because even the consistent characters that go through like Obi-wan just feel too different.¡± ¡°They recast Anakin for the next one?¡± Casey made a bewildered sound of aggravation. ¡°Already?! Why?!¡± ¡°Um¡­?¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t know why, really? I think it might have just been one of those things, where a child actor doesn¡¯t develop into the sort of teen actor they wanted? Maybe? Or maybe they just needed him to look older for the time skip they do. The kid that plays Anakin in the first one never really gets roles in anything else, and then for Episodes two and three they have Hayden¡­ Hayden something or other. He was alright-ish? The acting kinda became the low-point of the prequels in general.¡± ¡°The acting is bad?!¡± Casey gaped. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ awkward, yeah?¡± Tabitha flinched back a step. ¡°This all happened when full green screen sets were first becoming a big thing, so you just have actors on this big empty set reading lines, with no real firm idea of who they¡¯re talking to, a lot of the time; where they are, or what the atmosphere is even like. So, and uh¡ªLucas isn¡¯t the best screenwriter to begin with¡ªa lot of the delivery is real wooden.¡± ¡°Ouch,¡± Casey felt like she¡¯d taken a physical blow. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha gave her an apologetic shrug. ¡°I remember Ian McKellen I think, on the set of one of the Hobbit ones, he broke down crying during takes because he just couldn¡¯t work like that. With all of the everything being greenscreen and there only being like, placeholders for the people who were supposed to be there with him in the scene.¡± ¡°They make A HOBBIT MOVIE?!¡± Casey cried out, clutching at her heart with both hands. ¡°Hey¡ªhey, hands on the wheel!¡± Alicia chided her.
Bobby could only sigh in dismay as he walked another set of inserts from the make-table he was tearing down over to the sink in the back of the Springton McDonald¡¯s. No matter which way he did the numbers, they were cruel and unforgiving¡ªhe would slave away all next year and probably still not be able to afford a car at sixteen. Getting one at seventeen was eminently probable, but was that really how he wanted his high school years to go? $5.15 an hour, MAYBE a ten cent raise in another two months. Maybe not, Bobby wanted to scowl as he tossed a tray to soak in the slopping dishwater. It was easy to dream about being the one savvy teen who stood out from all the others. By buckling down, working all the hours he could, and saving each and every hard-earned cent so that he would have a decent set of wheels sometime late in his sophomore year of high school. Actually accomplishing it was something else entirely¡ªBobby had only four hundred dollars saved. Four hundred dollars could buy a beater car in Kentucky. But, that¡¯s how they get you, Bobby frowned as he made his way back out to the make table to continue tearing down. Joe¡¯s got the right of it. Beaters are a big ol¡¯ trap. Few months after putting your name on the title¡ªfew WEEKS, if you¡¯re unlucky, and BAM! You need suspension work. New tires. Or a whole new transmission. Or need to rebuild the engine, who knows what kinda shit you might get stuck with the bill for. Nah, not me. Not no way, no how. Gonna save and save and get a real dependable LIGHTLY used older car. New cars ran upwards of twenty-grand, making them a total pipe dream. He was stuck on minimum wage, and between his hours being throttled by some dumb child labor law and all of those stupid taxes, his best take-home pay wound up being a hundred and fifty dollars for a two-week period. Usually it averaged out to just a little under three hundred dollars for a month. An enormous sum for a child; an absolute pittance for a young adult who wanted a car as well as a tiny bit of casual spending money. His brother had helped him keep an eye out for local vehicles going up for sale, and the figures attached as asking prices were¡­ dismaying. Almost five thousand dollars for a ¡®95 Jetta that was in pretty okayish shape. Seven and a half thousand for a not-quite-new truck. Just under three thousand for an old Taurus that was iffy on passing next inspection, likely needed a fair bit of work done. There was a small chronic market of beater automotives that went for under two grand in the Springton and Fairfield areas, and Bobby remembered going out and taking a look at some of them back when Joe was trying to get his first car. Ain¡¯t nothin¡¯ cheap about a cheap car, Bobby remembered his brother saying on one of the trips back home afterwards. The¡¯d both been a little blazed, sure, but at the time the wisdom had struck him as one of the most impressive insights his brother had ever spoken. How many teens just like them were blinded by the lower apparent price and bought vehicles that actually needed a lot of expensive work done on them, and soon? No, Bobby was going to work more hours, save more money, and find a dependable car that would last him. It¡¯s just¡ªdamn, it¡¯s hard to save anything, Bobby wanted to blow out a sigh as he restacked the ingredient bins. The make table was half in disarray, because their McDonald¡¯s was still open, and he still needed to be able to assemble whatever random odd sandwich came up on a drive-thru or walk in order this late. While he was under sixteen, he could only work three hours on a school day, so naturally Sherry worked him to the bone scheduling him as the pseudo closing cook. Meaning, he did all the tear down and closing clean-up work a closing cook would do, and then went home before actual close, leaving the shift manager to solo the last hours of operation without a cook. At least, on paper that¡¯s how it worked. In reality, there was no way in hell Bobby was going to spend damn near a half hour walking home in the cold. He worked hard to get everything done during his shift, and then basically hung around, helping out off the clock with whatever was needed until close. In return, whichever manager¡ªbe it Sherry or John¡ªwould give him a lift home afterwards so he didn¡¯t have to walk, and also never bitch about him goofing around or rat him out for slacking off. It was a good arrangement. Bobby had more room to get away with being Bobby than any of the other workers his age, all of the work got done, and everybody was happy. Well. Be a bit happier with that raise, Bobby plied the pink cleaning cloth to the inside of the make-table, scooping out errant bits of lettuce and crumbs and tossing them to the floor where he¡¯d sweep later. S¡¯okay. Six month evalutation¡¯s almost here. They don¡¯t give me my ten cents¡­ well, then they can forget about me doing ANYTHING besides the absolute bare minimum ¡®round here. Pay minimum wage, get minimum work. Despite making almost three hundred dollars a month, Bobby was only able to set aside a fraction of it for savings. Their mother was the kind of penny-pinching old harpy who thought dry noodles, rice cakes, and bulk bran cereal was more than good enough for groceries¡ªif Bobby or Joe wanted to eat better, they had to do so on their own dime. For all of his many faults, Joe was a great brother, too¡ªfor the past three years, whenever Joe went out somewhere in his busted old Toyota, Bobby was invited along. When Joe went out to eat, he took care of Bobby¡¯s food as well. The times Bobby needed to be somewhere, Joe was there to give him a lift. So, yeah I COULD put aside every cent from my paychecks, but it¡¯d be super shitty of me to, Bobby rationalized to himself. Sometimes that reasoning was the only thing that could dull the sting of his car savings accumulating so slowly. Getting him gas money now and then is more than fair after a couple years of me basically just being the mooch brother, Bobby thought. Dropping thirty or forty bucks on a random late-night grocery run, when we¡¯ve both got the munchies? Just being able to open up my own damn wallet now, and say ¡®I got you, bro.¡¯ You can¡¯t put a price tag on that. Not after all those times of him ordering pizza for us or pickin¡¯ up random drive-thru stuff for me. The drive-thru sensor let out a warbling beep from somewhere deep in the spongy foam of his headset¡¯s earpad. Damn, speakin¡¯ of drive-thrus¡­ Bobby flicked moisture off of his food service gloves and tried to nudge the headset the whole way on with his wrist. The things were damned uncomfortable, especially as the nights wore on, so he¡¯d taken to wearing it canted partway on his head so that it was only over one ear. ¡°You gettin¡¯ that?¡± John yelled over from where he was mopping out front. ¡°Yeahhh, one sec¡¯,¡± Bobby replied, doing a quick check of the slide trays in the warmer to see what patties he still had. Almost nothing¡ªbut this late, what could you do? He flipped his headset microphone down and toggled to speak. ¡°Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Springton¡¯s premiere fine-dining experience. My name is Bobby, and I¡¯m honored to be assisting you tonight!¡± Bobby put on his customer service voice for the joke like he always did, but he was hardly grinning with anticipation or anything¡ªhe used variations of this same gag almost every night. ¡°Oooh, that sounds good, yah,¡± the voice of a teenage girl sounded through his headset. ¡°We¡¯ll take one of those for sure. One medium Bobby, please.¡± Giggles sounded over the line partway through the girl¡¯s sentence, indicating she wasn¡¯t alone, and this time Bobby did grin, because it was rare that anyone he knew from school pulled through this late. After all, he was a freshman, and freshman didn¡¯t have driver¡¯s licenses yet. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ sorry about that, ma¡¯am, we only have Bobby in extra-large and supersize,¡± Bobby joked, trotting around the make table and towards the front trenches where the drive-thru window was. ¡°I¡¯ll believe it when I see it,¡± another girl¡¯s voice scoffed. ¡°Supersize, huh?¡± The first voice sounded amused. ¡°I¡¯d like a happy meal with extra happy, please!¡± a third girl¡¯s voice called out. ¡°...Tabitha?¡± Bobby asked, honestly surprised. ¡°Oh, and for the drink, can you make sure the ice is only on the bottom of the cup? I hate it when the ice rises up to the top.¡± ¡°Alright, what the hell are you jackals doing out this late?¡± Bobby laughed. ¡°You know it¡¯s a school night, right? Who¡¯s there with you?¡± ¡°Wow, he¡¯s forgotten me already. Ouch.¡± ¡°Alicia?¡± Bobby guessed. ¡°I¡¯m just¡­ wow, I need a moment. I¡¯m kinda devastated?¡± ¡°You have ice cream, right? Well, we want ice cream. So. Give us ice cream.¡± ¡°And¡­ Casey?¡± ¡°ICE CREAM.¡± ¡°They have McFlurries, right?¡± ¡°It¡¯s actually probably out of order,¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice sounded out again. ¡°There¡¯s this big racket they¡¯ve got going, where the machines are built to break down and have confusing error codes and all, ¡®cause the company that¡¯s contracted to service them gets these kick-backs from¡ª¡± ¡°Whoa, whoa whoa,¡± Bobby interrupted, unlatching the drive-thru window so that he could lean out and see the headlights of Casey¡¯s GMC Jimmy. ¡°This ain¡¯t amateur hour, I¡¯m not one of those morning-shift bozos who can¡¯t handle Big Bessie. Big Bessie is fully armed and operational, I can do ya soft serve cones or sundaes or McFlurry¡ªM and M¡¯s or Oreo.¡± ¡°Ohmigod, really?¡± Casey jeered. ¡°You got the ice cream machine. At a McDonald¡¯s. To actually work?!¡± Alicia cried out. ¡°Don¡¯t they have like, a four hour cleaning cycle, though?!¡± Tabitha let out a dramatic gasp. ¡°Whoa, really?¡± ¡°Four hours?¡± ¡°Alright, how do you know so much ¡®bout Big Bessie?¡± Bobby couldn¡¯t help but chuckle. ¡°Has somebody been lettin¡¯ trade secrets slip?¡± ¡°It¡¯s ¡®cause she¡¯s from the¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s a secret,¡± he could almost hear Tabitha¡¯s smile from her tone. ¡°We want McFlurries. Oreo for me, please.¡± ¡°Same¡ª¡¯nother Oreo.¡± ¡°Should I go M and M, then?¡± ¡°Pssh, no way. They get super hard when they¡¯re all frozen in ice cream, it¡¯s like you can chip a tooth on those beady li¡¯l suckers.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fair. Three Oreo McFlurries, please!¡± He had already snatched the first cup from the dispenser and started pouring vanilla soft serve into it with practiced motions. ¡°And¡­ one medium Bobby?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s a supersize Bobby, remember?¡± ¡°Ehhh, I kinda doubt it.¡± ¡°Wait, can I get fries, too?¡± ¡°That depends. Who¡¯s paying?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got¡­ hold on, lemme look.¡± ¡°Should I get a Happy Meal anyways? So I can get Hannah another toy.¡± ¡°Wow. Woooow. You¡¯re gettin¡¯ as bad as Matthew or the Macintires, spoiling her.¡± ¡°I am not!¡± ¡°Damn, now I kinda want fries, too.¡± ¡°...Am I?! I don¡¯t spoil her.¡± ¡°A likely story.¡± ¡°Ladies, ladies,¡± Bobby interrupted with a chuckle. ¡°Tell you h¡¯what? If you can pull around the building once or twice, maybe reset our drive-thru timer a bit and help our numbers, I¡¯ll pay for two of your three McFlurries. Sorry Casey, you¡¯ve gotta boyfriend already.¡± ¡°Aww, man. Stupid Matthew.¡± ¡°Bobby¡ªyou don¡¯t have to buy me anything, I can¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha, ssshhh!¡± ¡°And uh, honestly I don¡¯t really wanna drop another batch of fries unless I reaaally have to,¡± Bobby admitted. ¡°So, if¡ª¡± ¡°Three large fries, please!¡± ¡°Alicia! We don¡¯t need to¡ª¡± Tabitha¡¯s voice trailed off as Casey pulled the Jimmy away from the ordering board and towards the drive-thru window at a slow crawl. All three of the girls were grinning at him, and Casey was leaning partway out of her own window with one elbow resting out on the door. ¡°Yo. You for serious about buyin¡¯ their Flurries?¡± Casey asked, looking him up and down. ¡°I can pull around a couple times, sure.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to, Bobby,¡± Tabitha protested. ¡°Tabs,¡± Alicia looked exasperated. ¡°Let the man be chivalrous? He¡¯s gettin¡¯ mine, too. Right?¡± ¡°For you?¡± Bobby smirked. ¡°Anytime.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the damage, then?¡± Casey grunted. ¡°That¡¯ll be¡­ buck seventy-nine,¡± Bobby said, punching a single McFlurry order into the drive-thru terminal. If Sherry was here instead of John, he would have entered three and paid for two, but Bobby regularly caught John eating food he hadn¡¯t paid for and thus felt no compunctions giving a freebie or two out for friends. ¡°Sweeeet,¡± Casey ducked back into her car to scrounge through a purse. ¡°Guys¡ªthank the nice ice cream man.¡± ¡°Thanks!¡± Alicia beamed. ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said in a soft voice. ¡°I was having a rough day, and¡ªand I really needed some ice cream.¡± ¡°Damn, did something happen?¡± Bobby made himself comfortable, resting both forearms on the window sill¡ªthe stress of work and all thoughts of catching up on the closing checklist pushed completely out of his mind as he met Tabitha¡¯s eyes and took in her nervous smile. She wasn¡¯t just cute, she was damned cute, and unexpectedly seeing her again so soon really did make his entire night ¡°Well hey, it¡¯s not busy here at all. Lay it all on me, what all happened?¡± 50, Christmas time is here. ¡°Oh, just the usual old family woes,¡± Tabitha gave Bobby a bitter smile. ¡°I guess it¡¯s a difficult time of year? Around the holidays.¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah, I feel you,¡± Bobby gave them a sober nod. Tabitha found it surreal and oddly thrilling that they could just sort of show up and heckle Bobby here where he worked. It was just such a teenage thing to do! At least, she couldn¡¯t imagine treating any of her friends or coworkers this way in her past life. There was something that was just really captivating about these giggly and immature spontaneous years of freedom, where they first tasted freedom but could still be wild and silly with it, before the terrible droll seriousness of growing up the whole way fully takes hold. I feel like¡­ like if I just smiled and batted my eyes at Bobby and REALLY asked him, he¡¯d climb right out through that drive thru window and come cruising around with us, Tabitha mused, her eye contact with Bobby lingering for a few moments longer than necessary before they both awkwardly looked away. No! Don¡¯t let the intrusive thoughts win! BAD TABITHA! Use the incredible powers of TEENAGE GIRL responsibly! ¡°She¡¯s living with another family for now,¡± Alicia revealed. ¡°Has been since¡ªfor a while now. How long has it been, now?¡± ¡°Since Thanksgiving,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Yeah, since Thanksgiving,¡± Alicia said. ¡°The one lady from the birthday party with our group, who was going around skating with the little girl¡ª¡± ¡°Hannah?¡± Bobby guessed. ¡°Yeah, her and Hannah,¡± Alicia rolled her eyes. ¡°Of course you know Hannah, already.¡± ¡°She¡¯s one of our best customers!¡± Bobby protested. ¡°Hey¡ªdid she like her Bug¡¯s Life toys?¡± ¡°She did!¡± Tabitha beamed. ¡°Thank you. Good call on the pull-backs.¡± ¡°Hey, one sec,¡± Bobby pushed himself back from the window and disappeared back into the McDonald¡¯s. ¡°What about our ice cream?!¡± Casey called. ¡°Hey! Hey!¡± ¡°Catch!¡± A small plastic bag sailed through the opening, and Casey leaned partway through her driver¡¯s side window to catch it in both hands. The baggie was then chucked over her shoulder towards Tabitha, who fumbled it and lost the Happy Meal toy somewhere in the darkness between the front seats and the middle bench she sat on. ¡°Oh no!¡± Tabitha exclaimed, fighting with her seatbelt for a moment. The safety strap failed to let her lean forward enough to rummage around for the plastic bag, so she clicked open the belt and carefully began to search. ¡°Totally forgot this series had a third pull back, Princess Dot,¡± Bobby reappeared in the drive thru window. ¡°The little girl ant.¡± ¡°She already lost it!¡± Alicia teased, unbuckling her belt and twisting in the passenger¡¯s seat to look behind her. ¡°Wow, Tabs.¡± ¡°I¡ªI did not!¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°Casey, do you have a¡ª¡± ¡°Aziz, light!¡± Casey quoted, reaching up and thumbing on the console light. ¡°Much better, thank you, Aziz.¡± ¡°Found it!¡± Tabitha reported, rising back up. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Aziz, light!¡± Bobby chuckled. ¡°That¡¯s from, uh¡ªfrom¡ª¡± ¡°Fifth Element!¡± Alicia answered. ¡°Leeloo Dallas, Multipass!¡± ¡°Right! Fifth Element,¡± Bobby nodded. ¡°Great movie. Great movie.¡± ¡°Bobby, how much for this?¡± Tabitha waggled the Happy Meal toy. ¡°For Hannah.¡± ¡°Free of charge,¡± Bobby said. ¡°That¡¯s one¡¯s actually defective, and also it fell off the back of the truck.¡± ¡°Bobby¡ªno,¡± Tabitha rolled her eyes in exasperation, digging into her tiny jeans pocket for some dollar bills. ¡°If it¡¯s for Hannah, let me pay you for it.¡± ¡°Lo siento, no hablo ingles,¡± Bobby cocked his head at her and held up his hands in a show of confusion. ¡°He said your money¡¯s no good here,¡± Alicia translated for Tabitha¡¯s benefit. ¡°That¡¯s not what he said!¡± Casey laughed. ¡°¡®Licia, I take Spanish.¡± ¡°I was paraphrasing,¡± Alicia stuck her tongue out. ¡°Okay genius, what did he say?¡± ¡°He said, ¡®Tabitha my sweet, I adore the way the moonlight shimmers in your eyes!¡¯¡± Casey said. ¡°I¡¯m in my second year of Spanish, trust me my dudes.¡± ¡°Oh, right,¡± Alicia went with it. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s what he said.¡± Tabitha felt what must have been all the blood in her body rush towards her face. ¡°Here,¡± Tabitha insisted, pushing forward her money. ¡°Here¡¯s three, um, four dollars?¡± ¡°Jesus, Tabitha,¡± Casey laughed. ¡°Tabs,¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°It¡¯s one Happy Meal toy, it¡¯s not gonna be four freaking dollars.¡± ¡°They actually are stupidly expensive just on their own,¡± Bobby admitted. ¡°We get them in for forty-three cents a piece I think, but then we charge a buck sixty-seven for them. It¡¯s crazy.¡± ¡°Here, two dollars then,¡± Tabitha pressed forward the money. ¡°Casey, can you please pass this over?¡± ¡°Sorry Bobby-boy, the lady insists,¡± Casey took the pair of bills and passed it across to Bobby. She watched him punch in the sale, and then observed as he stretched across the chasm between McDonald¡¯s building and idling SUV to pass change back over to Casey. Who gave it to Alicia, who handed it back to Tabitha, who then promptly deposited the pennies, nickels, and dimes into the seat cushion cavity of the Jimmy with the rest for a future passenger to discover. The girls shared bemused smiles at the charade, and then Casey gave Tabitha a smirk and clicked off the overhead light before Tabitha could scramble to find the seatbelt buckle again. ¡°Girl,¡± Alicia made a face at Tabitha. ¡°You spoil Hannah.¡± ¡°I do not!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I mean¡ªwhat do you want me to do?! She¡¯s cute! Blame Bobby!¡± ¡°Wait, what?!¡± Bobby laughed, pausing to lean down as he affixed the spoon to the McFlurry machine so he could still see them through the window. ¡°How¡¯s this my fault?!¡± ¡°Yeah, Bobby was just tryin¡¯ to be chivalrous,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Not his fault either if you¡¯re cute.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not that cute,¡± Tabitha said in embarrassment. ¡°I¡¯ve got nothing on Hannah!¡± ¡°Hmm¡­ nope, different kind of cute,¡± Alicia decided. ¡°Tabitha, you¡¯re pretty cute,¡± Casey nodded. ¡°You¡¯re all like, weak and shy and injured and all. Provokes those¡ª¡± ¡°Weak?!¡± ¡°¡ªProvokes those protective instincts.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not weak!¡± ¡°Okay, okay. Scrawny?¡± ¡°Scrawny?!¡± ¡°You look like you¡¯re ninety-pounds when soaking wet,¡± Casey shrugged. ¡°Oh¡ªc¡¯mon. Back me up here, ¡®Licia.¡± ¡°She¡¯s uh, she¡¯s not scrawny, she¡¯s petite,¡± Alicia failed to hide a grin. ¡°That¡¯s what they call anorexic these days, right? Petite?¡± ¡°Anorexic?! I¡¯m literally about to have ice cream!¡± Tabitha fwapped her good hand against Alicia¡¯s shoulder in consternation. ¡°Ice cream, which is all, it¡¯s sugar and empty calories and¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah, hey where¡¯s that ice cream?¡± Casey hollered into the window. ¡°Chop, chop!¡± ¡°Geez, I¡¯m¡ªhold on a sec,¡± Bobby started the McFlurry mixer with a loud whine from the machine. ¡°You broads are the worst customers.¡± ¡°Oooh, you did not just say that.¡± ¡°Am I really cute?¡± Tabitha wondered out loud. ¡°Tabs, you¡¯re like, free McFlurry cute,¡± Alicia confirmed with a prideful preening raise of her chin. ¡°Free Oreo McFlurry. Trust me, I know this, and I know this because I am also free McFlurry cute.¡± ¡°Aww, man,¡± Casey moaned again. ¡°Why can¡¯t *I* be free McFlurry cute?¡± ¡°Because, you have a boyfriend,¡± Alicia teased. ¡°Serves you right!¡± ¡°Stupid boyfriend!¡± I wonder if being unattached makes me more appealing? Tabitha wondered. It was a strange thought to have. Which is¡ªyeah, which is weird, right? Because right here at this age, hardly anyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend yet. We¡¯re almost all AVAILABLE. Tabitha watched with interest as Bobby disengaged the loud McFlurry machine. The ever so slight movements of his biceps and forearms flexed as he went about his work with practiced, competent motions. When he reached to grab the next cup, she thought it a shame she couldn¡¯t really see his shoulders. She wasn¡¯t sure if this was attraction, exactly, but she did just enjoy watching him. He was good-looking but not eye-candy or anything, and when she examined her feelings she didn¡¯t think that she was hot for him, or drooling over him or romance-novel amorous in any way¡ªwhat she felt right now was a sort of idle fascination. Or, maybe that¡¯s just it? The puberty fairy coming along and sprinkling that magic fairy dust of self-awareness on us, making us first realize that there¡¯s a market for partners, and surprise, we¡¯re maybe on the market ourselves! Whether we realize it at first or not. Pangs of attraction, sudden INTEREST, that weird fluttery feeling when people maybe seem interested in you. Maybe I¡¯m starting to crush on Bobby? I definitely feel SOMETHING, just how to even categorize whatever it is? It¡¯s just¡ªweird? The kinda sorta mutual flirting, and then having friends teasing us about the whole dynamic? I REALLY enjoy that, which seems so bizarre. What even is this? Have I just¡ª ¡°Guys,¡± Tabitha blurted out. ¡°I maybe just had a really deep, profound thought¡ªbut it¡¯s already slipping away!¡± ¡°Oh noes!¡± Casey exclaimed as she started accepting McFlurries from Bobby and passing them to Alicia. ¡°Don¡¯t lose that thought!¡± ¡°Grab onto it tight!¡± Alicia encouraged. ¡°Don¡¯t let it go! And, here.¡± ¡°Oh, thank you,¡± Tabitha took the McFlurry cup and quickly tried a spoonful of oreo and ice cream. It was delicious, sweet and cold vanilla with just the right amount of cookie crumble for texture and flavor. ¡°I¡­ I lost it.¡± ¡°You lost it?!¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ it¡¯s gone.¡± ¡°Aw, man,¡± Casey snorted around a mouthful of her own McFlurry. ¡°Hate it when that happens.¡± ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± Bobby asked. ¡°Tabitha almost had a big epiphany, but then she lost it,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Oh, and thanks again for the ice cream!¡± ¡°Yeah, no prob,¡± Bobby waved. ¡°Merry Christmas and all that, if I don¡¯t see you guys.¡± ¡°You too! Thank you for the ice cream!¡± ¡°Yeah, Merry Christmas!¡± ¡°Bye, Bobby!¡±
¡°Mom,¡± Elena asked. ¡°Do you ever think malls will go out of style? Shopping malls.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh pondered, tapping the remote control against her chin. ¡°Out of style?¡± The Muppet Christmas Carol was playing on TV, and each successive group of commercial interruptions got Elena thinking again. Worrying. Would these same commercials instead be playing someday on their family computer instead of squeezed in between sections of television programming? What would make the personal computer, of all things, more attractive and convenient than television? By nature, computers were complicated, while turning on the tube and just letting a channel play was simple and easy. Elena had looked up Google¡ªit was a real thing, at least, and seemed to be some kind of third party knockoff of Yahoo! Search. She clicked around on it for a bit, but was not remotely impressed. What would draw people into using Google at all? Yahoo! Search was right there, built into the home page everyone already uses. When she talked to her dad about it, he¡¯d said everyone was rushing to buy up all the dot com stuff. Apparently something called Ask Jeeves was already the most powerful independent ¡®search engine¡¯ thing; while Mr. Seelbaugh had also heard of Google, he didn¡¯t think much of it. ¡°Out of style how?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh asked, sounding distracted. ¡°Out of style as in, not the social place to be, anymore,¡± Elena explained. ¡°Like will malls eventually start to die out?¡± The two were curled up on opposite ends of the couch, with Elena in pajama pants and her hoodie while Mrs. Seelbaugh had a knit afghan blanket draped over her legs. Their Christmas tree was decorated and up on the far side of the room, and stockings were hung above the mantle where their big TV was in lieu of a fireplace. Empty mugs of hot cocoa rested upon the end tables on either side of the couch, and the only other sound in the house was the distant churn of the washing machine running a load of clothes. ¡°Hm, maybe,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh turned away from the TV to give her a quizzical smile. ¡°You can never really tell how things¡¯ll go.¡± ¡°But,¡± Elena frowned. ¡°Why would they? They¡¯re malls.¡± ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t they?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh shrugged. ¡°Malls are still a pretty new thing, aren¡¯t they? The Sandboro mall wasn¡¯t even around in my parent¡¯s time, and I remember when it was still under construction. It¡¯s not that old! I shopped there soon as it opened, and have ever since, sure¡ªbut I don¡¯t know that it was ever much of a ¡®place to be,¡¯ for us back then. At least, not like they try to make it out to be on TV. A place to meet up with a few friends and try on clothes, maybe. I wouldn¡¯t consider it a place to take a date, but maybe nowadays you would? In my time, the ¡®place to be¡¯, the social scene was parties, or big get togethers out by the lake. Music and beer, that kind of thing.¡± ¡°No, I mean¡ªlike the place to be for high school age people,¡± Elena said, her eyes narrowing. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t have been drinking beer in high school.¡± ¡°Well, no¡ªof course not!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s smirk immediately revealed that yes, she had definitely been drinking beer at that age. ¡°I mean. Elena. Honey. It was 1980, they were very different times.¡± ¡°You realize this means you can¡¯t criticize me if I drink now, right?¡± Elena arched an eyebrow. ¡°Of course I can, I¡¯m your mother,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh rolled her eyes. ¡°Your grandma sure as hell was drinking underage in her time, and she got all over my case about it when I did it. And, do you know why?¡± ¡°Kinda sounds hypocritical to me?¡± Elena remarked. ¡°She got on my case because she cared about me,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s smile faded a bit. ¡°Just like I care about you. Drinking is fun, yeah, but it is also dangerous. Do you understand? We¡¯re all going to make some mistakes, that¡¯s just part of growing up! But, ¡®Lena honey, it fills me with terror knowing now, really knowing how costly those mistakes could be. The idea that, that, you know. Some guy could take advantage of you. Or, you could be out with your friends, and all be killed in a drunk driving accident. It happens all the time, and when you¡¯re young and you¡¯re reckless you understand that but don¡¯t understand that. You know?¡± ¡°Yeah, I guess,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m responsible, though. I¡¯ve only ever had wine when I¡¯m with you.¡± ¡°And, I appreciate that!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s big smile returned. ¡°I really do. I like being able to have a girl¡¯s night with you every once in a while. But¡­ pretty soon, you¡¯re going to want to do that with your friends. Or, with boys, uggh. And, I want to be the cool mom who¡¯s understanding and totally okay with that¡ªbut, what if something happens? Whew lord, is it just not fun being on the other side of this, now. Bein¡¯ the mom. Always thinking about all the things that could happen, things that could go wrong. Imagining the worst. I mean, when I heard what happened at the Halloween party¡­¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said. The muppet movie special returned, and their discussion lapsed into silence as they both turned attention towards watching again. Elena¡¯s thoughts, however, were elsewhere. Thought malls would be a bigger deal to mom, Elena crossed her arms in her hoodie. Malls were always a big deal for us. Her and I. Spending a day together at the mall was as important as¡ªI don¡¯t know. It was IMPORTANT. It was always the activity I was most excited for in the world. Not counting like, Christmas. When she was a kid pulling her mother around the mall, seeing the glamorous teenage girls going around with their cliques of friends, or even seeing a girl holding hands with a teenage boy¡ªthat had made a huge impression on Elena. Because, she wanted that. How could she not look up to that kind of thing? And, malls just were amazing and incredible. It was a fact. She¡¯d always had fun with Carrie at the mall back in middle school. Walking around with bubbly glee and barely any adult supervision, trash-talking the other girls they knew from school and babbling on and on about how things were going to be once they were just a little bit older. It was super fun just going around with Tabs and Alicia, too, Elena thought. Malls are IMPORTANT. They¡¯re not just gonna die out. When I was kind of having my personal identity crisis, where did I find the NEW me? Hot Topic; the mall. I¡¯m sure it¡¯s basically the same with a lot of girls, whether they¡¯re preppies or geeks or goths or¡ªyou know, whatever. Elena lost track of the muppet antics playing on their TV as she tried to pinpoint what exactly in her mother¡¯s words had bothered her so much. I guess it¡¯s just¡­ Elena scowled. Her perspective? To her mother, the teenage high school years where malls were hugely important was a passing blip. But, for Elena, she knew that these high school years were basically her entire life, they encompassed her entire reality. Beer, parties? Sex? Those were still distant, intangible parts of life for way, way in the future. College Elena. It was hard for her to even picture that future Elena, sometimes. Most of all, it was unpleasant and incredibly chafing having the high school experience¡ªthat was her whole world right now¡ªbelittled or made out to be insignificant in some dumb parents and old people context. Because, it¡¯s just massively significant, Elena argued her own point. It has to be; these are literally my formative years. They shape who I grow up into, basically. It¡¯s why me cutting off the friendship with Carrie was so huge¡ªI feel like doing that, going and being friends with Tabitha and Alicia instead, I feel like that changed who I¡¯m set out to be. Carrie¡¯s not even a good person. I AM a good person. If just a few things had gone differently, I¡¯d be a stuck-up preppie girl who bullies outsiders. ¡°Well, I don¡¯t think malls are ever going out of style,¡± Elena grumbled. ¡°Who even said that they were?!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh laughed. ¡°Honey?¡± ¡°No one,¡± Elena pouted. Feel bad enough about snitching on the whole Julia situation. And, I haven¡¯t even heard how any of that went or if anything got found out. ¡°I know you love the mall, and I feel like we¡¯ve always had a great time there,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh remarked. ¡°But, I can completely understand why people don¡¯t love the mall, too.¡± ¡°Like, why?¡± Elena frowned. What¡¯s even their problem with it? ¡°For one thing, it¡¯s expensive,¡± her mother pointed out. ¡°Everything there¡¯s got an awful markup compared to Target or Ames. When I think of hanging out with friends back then, it was driving around and stuff. Everyone from high school used to drive out to the lake on weekend, swim and sunbathe and play music real loud. That¡¯s where the scene was, back in my day. We would¡ª¡± ¡°Wait, like the same lake over by where the Halloween party was?¡± Elena interrupted. ¡°What? No, that over there¡¯s all gated community stuff,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh waved Elena away. ¡°The lake I¡¯m talking about was towards the Fairfield side, almost the whole way to the interstate.¡± ¡°Have we ever been there?¡± Elena was puzzled. ¡°No, they went and fenced it all off, that¡¯s someone¡¯s private property now,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh made a face. ¡°But. My point is¡ªthe stuff we did for fun when I was your age was like that. Or, five or six couples going out and having a bonfire and then setting up tents so we could camp out way out on the edge of this one kid¡¯s field, old kinda abandoned farmland. Malls? The kind of stuff they want to sell you on as ¡®the place to be,¡¯ they¡¯re consumer traps, ¡®Lena. Look at all the pretty little things, with all the pretty little price tags! It¡¯s all about luring you into spending as much money as possible, and then making you want to come back and do it again.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ not true,¡± Elena protested with a weak smile. ¡°You don¡¯t even¡ªwait, have you been talking to Ziggy?!¡± ¡°Ziggy, your friend who works at said mall, selling pretty little things with pretty little price tags?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh arched an eyebrow. ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon¡ªyou know that¡¯s different,¡± Elena huffed. ¡°Don¡¯t know why I even brought it up, it¡¯s not like you know anything about all this.¡± ¡°Uh-huh.¡± ¡°Do we even have a tent?¡± Elena scowled. ¡°I think I just have a sleeping bag. And, where are me and my friends supposed to go out and swim and stuff, if the lake is closed off now? If no other kids go out to a place, it is no longer a social scene!¡± ¡°Fairfield Fire Brick Works,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh answered. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªwhat?¡± Elena was confused. ¡°There¡¯s an old brick factory right on the edge of Fairfield, closed up in the late sixties,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh explained. ¡°It was all overgrown back in my time, and nowadays you can barely even see the buildings anymore from the interstate. Buncha cool old abandoned stuff, it¡¯s real spooky. Kids used to go out there and smoke pot and stuff.¡± ¡°Hold on, let me get this straight,¡± Elena put her fingers to her temple in disbelief. ¡°You¡¯re encouraging me¡ªyour daughter¡ªto go breaking and entering out in some dangerous old¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh scoffed. ¡°No one owns any of that stuff. At best it¡¯s trespassing on random county land, and no one will even care.¡± ¡°Mom.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just saying¡ªever since you got into the whole goth thing, I¡¯ve been racking my brains trying to think of, I don¡¯t know, whatever might help you with that. Spooky old ruins, way out in the woods? Be a totally cool place to hang out. Or camp overnight, tell ghost stories, have a seance¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m still a Christian!¡± Elena pointed out with an incredulous stare. ¡°I¡¯m not going to try to summon demons or spirits or anything like that. And¡ªwouldn¡¯t it still be dangerous out there?¡± ¡°Elena, live a little!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh laughed. ¡°What do you think you¡¯re going to do, climb up one of the buildings and then jump off? Find broken bottles to cut yourself on?! You¡¯re way too smart to get yourself hurt doing something dumb out there, and even if you sprain an ankle or something, you¡¯re never going to be out there alone. It¡¯s plenty safe¡ªor, it was fine enough last time I went out there. ¡°I just keep thinking, you know¡­ the mall? It¡¯s not very goth. The mall¡¯s all commodified. You even said yourself the other day, that most of the stores there are preppy places! It¡¯s not the super cool secluded spot in town, where outsiders go to hang out.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s not even in town!¡± Elena stabbed her hands out in a gesture of frustration. ¡°Neither is the mall! Neither of them are nearby! One is in Fairfield, and the other is in Sandboro!¡± ¡°Well hon, I tried to find you a cool goth scene in Springton, but Springton, well, it isn¡¯t exactly a huge place to begin with.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not even supposed to be finding me cool goth scenes!¡± Elena threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. ¡°You¡¯re my mom! That¡¯s the last thing you should be doing!¡± ¡°Even besides that, you have all sorts of friends, I know some of them drive already,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh muttered. ¡°You¡¯ll have your license by next year, too.¡± ¡°I still can¡¯t even believe you¡¯re encouraging this!¡± If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°How ¡®bout, the next nice warm day we have, you and I can swing out that way and take a look?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh proposed. ¡°It¡¯ll be like¡ªlike a cool hike. Out exploring. We can make it a picnic. I want to see how overgrown everything¡¯s gotten. Last time I was out there, this tree was pushing up partway through one of the walls of one of the buildings. Ooh, we can bring spray paint, too!¡± ¡°We¡¯re not vandalizing anything!¡± Elena leapt to her feet. ¡°That¡¯s totally¡ª¡± ¡°Totally what?!¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s disrespectful!¡± Elena scowled. ¡°Elena honey, it¡¯s been abandoned since the sixties. No one is going to care.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t understand,¡± Elena huffed, marching past her mother and out of the living room. ¡°I just¡ªI can¡¯t even believe you. Whatever. I¡¯m going to my room.¡±
¡°Well dear, I have news but it isn¡¯t good news, I¡¯m afraid,¡± Mrs. William¡¯s voice was tinny and small echoing out from the Macintire¡¯s handset phone. ¡°No luck on that record you were looking for, I¡¯m afraid.¡± ¡°Oh, um,¡± Tabitha quirked her lip. ¡°Evanescence? Thank you for trying. I did know it would be a long shot.¡± In a rare moment of privacy, Tabitha had locked the door to her room and was sitting with the phone on the floor in a mess of strewn out bows, ribbons, wrapping paper rolls, and the gifts she was preparing. She was already part way done, with a small pile of completed Christmas gifts on one side of her that filled her with excitement. She absolutely couldn¡¯t wait to give out presents! In her past lifetime at this age her entire focus around Christmas time was what she might be getting¡ªshe¡¯d been fixated on what she wanted. Now, Tabitha was completely hyped for the gifts she had to give, and for the prospect of receiving things in return she felt only mild curiosity. Each of the Game Boy Color boxes for her cousins had been opened, a pair of double-A batteries had been installed in each, the respective Pokemon cartridges slotted in and ready to go before returning each to their boxes. She¡¯d tested each of them to ensure they worked, with one of the games ¡®tested¡¯ the whole way to Cerulean City¡ªso that she could nab an Abra, since trading its evolution Kadabra was the only way for her to acquire an Alakazam for her own game. Which SHOULD have been simple, because I did remember where you could find wild Abras, Tabitha recalled with a roll of her eyes. Except, I DID NOT remember how low their encounter rate was, or how annoying they were to actually catch with them fleeing right away every time! ¡°Now hold your horses, I didn¡¯t say it was bad news exactly, either!¡± Mrs. Williams sounded smug, now. ¡°Didn¡¯t mention anything this past weekend and get any hopes up ¡®til I¡¯d heard something back, but I just got word today, and now I¡¯ve got a story to tell!¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Tabitha tilted her head to the side so that she could pin the handset phone between her shoulder and her ear. ¡°Do tell!¡± The VHS copy of Kiki¡¯s Delivery Service she¡¯d bought for Hannah was examined and inspected one last time, and then Tabitha carefully lined it up on the next roll of gift paper and measured out to make an appropriate cut. Everything was trickier while the cast was still immobilizing most of her fingers, but by now she was already using her cast hand regularly to hold things in place or make small adjustments to whatever she was doing with her good hand. ¡°So. This all started off with me asking around the ladies I know, and turns out my good friend Sharon from choir said she has a neighbor friend that lives over on Birch street, Patricia, who has family in Arkansas. A brother and sister-in-law, and their kids. We sat down and had lunch with Patricia, oh¡ªback in November, when you first asked me about this. I¡¯ll have to thank you for comin¡¯ to me to ask about this, my word, or I¡¯d have never met ¡®Tricia! She¡¯s a hoot!¡± ¡°Anyhow, Patricia¡¯s sister-in-law Helen got a hold of another friend of hers in Little Rock, who has a granddaughter who¡ªwell, long story short is, that this girl Amy Lee and her friends do play together at a bar called Vino¡¯s, there. And, Amy and her friends did release an EP album, whatever that is, but hon, I¡¯m sad to say they say it sold out, way back earlier on in the year. Almost right away! I guess they only made a few dozen copies? ¡°Haven¡¯t had a chance to ask any more than that, I¡¯ve been so busy with preparing for Christmas. I¡¯ve got you the phone number for Vino¡¯s, though! Helena¡ªPatricia¡¯s sister-in-law¡ªwas able to jot it down from her Arkansas state yellow pages. Do you have a pen or pencil handy to write this down?¡± ¡°I¡ªI¡¯m ready,¡± Tabitha confirmed, grabbing a leftover scrap of Christmas wrapping paper and the felt-tip marker she¡¯d been using to write in names on the gifts. In a patient tone, Mrs. Williams recited an area code and then a phone number, which Tabitha repeated out loud and copied down onto the scrap in the squeak by squeak of marker. ¡°Now, I do have to warn you, you¡¯ll want to ask Sandy first and get permission before you try making any long distance calls! Those aren¡¯t cheap, I¡¯m afraid.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªof course,¡± Tabitha winced at the reminder. ¡°Right. Well¡ªthank you! Thank you so much, this has been¡ªyou¡¯ve been an enormous help! I think that if I can¡¯t ask around there and get someone to sell or copy me something onto a cassette tape, then¡­ maybe I¡¯d be able to find out when they perform next, and plan a trip out to see them. It would make Elena¡¯s whole world! I haven¡¯t been able to stop thinking about it.¡± ¡°Oh-ho, a trip?¡± Mrs. Williams sounded delighted. ¡°That does sound wonderful, but again to warn you dearie¡ªLittle Rock is an eight hour drive from here! That¡¯d be a full day of driving to get there, a stay overnight, and then a full day to get back, just about. Hmm, probably more. Whenever our Methodist Youth drive out to a concert, oh, well you know the concert itself is sure to take up most of a day all by itself.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha tapped her lip in thought. ¡°Definitely a big weekend trip then, whenever we can find out the dates and get it all arranged.¡± ¡°Well, keep me in the loop on that!¡± Mrs. Williams laughed. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta go check my cookies. Do you bake? I¡¯m running out another batch every few days this month it seems, so I¡¯ve been tryin¡¯ to mix it up and do a little bit of everything, so we can have a whole spread.¡± ¡°Ooh, that sounds fun,¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°I want to ask Mrs. Macintire if I can do some little batches here with Hannah¡­ but I¡¯m not sure if I should. She went out and bought a Christmas tray of sugar cookies from Food Lion, but she¡¯s already had to police them!¡± The tray had been moved to a hiding spot out of reach up on top of the refrigerator¡ªthe cookies kept ¡®disappearing,¡¯ and Hannah¡¯s indignant claim of innocence at the time had been marred by sugar crumbs on her blouse and colored sprinkle smear by her lip. Hannah was now only allowed one each day, contingent on excellent behavior, and only after she¡¯d finished supper. ¡°Hah! Well, I can understand that, I must¡¯ve gained another pound or two just since Thanksgiving!¡± Mrs. Williams guffawed. ¡°It¡¯s my own fault¡ªheck, I¡¯ve got a batch of peanut butter crunch almost out of the oven, and the whole house just smells delicious.¡± ¡°Oh no!¡± Tabitha felt genuine sympathy for her¡ªjust imagining the scent of fresh-baked cookies had her stomach growling. ¡°That¡¯s just¡­ that¡¯s simply terrible!¡± ¡°I know!¡± Mrs. Williams agreed. ¡°Someone save me from myself! I¡¯m doing just about everything but Snowballs, this year¡ªI¡¯m not a huge fan of coconut, so the Williams men here just have to tough it out without them.¡± ¡°Those poor, poor souls,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°I know! All they have are chocolate crinkles, ricotta puffs, brownie brittle, ginger bakes, peanut butter blossoms¡­ aw shoot, hon. I think these are ready, I really do gotta go.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t let them burn!¡± Tabitha exclaimed. ¡°Happy holidays, and thank you again!¡± ¡°Happy holidays, dear!¡± Mrs. Williams called out. At the muffled click and then tone, Tabitha hung up the phone and carefully set it to the side. I feel¡­ much better, Tabitha decided. I had an awful few days after seeing my parents, sure. But, I had a great birthday. I¡¯ve played with Hannah since then, I went out with my friends¡ªit was so cool. Just driving around and talking! Every hour I spent alone and miserable last life was just such a waste. She carefully folded the wrapping paper over the VHS tape for Hannah in neat creases and closed the excess with tiny bits of Scotch tape from the little clear plastic dispenser. It had been decided that Hannah¡¯s present needed to look extra, with all the bells and whistles like an overwrap of ribbon and a giant bow. She didn¡¯t want it to be hard for the little girl to open though, so she pre-cut the ribbon after it was tied and then closed the cut with a little hidden bit of tape. Hopefully, the whole thing would tear away easily and not be a frustration. ¡°Hopefully the tape won¡¯t just unstick and have the ribbon fall off,¡± Tabitha lifted it up and turned it this way and that, checking her work. ¡°Because, the big stupid bow? It¡¯s super cute.¡± Getting Elena an Evanescence album before the band exploded into popularity had been a bit of a long shot, but Tabitha wasn¡¯t too put out about it. If things worked out okay, she¡¯d be able to coordinate with Mrs. Seelbaugh and work out some kind of surprise trip down to see Amy Lee play live sometime around Elena¡¯s birthday. She felt like a rift was forming between them, and Tabitha didn¡¯t want to push on the time travel argument and create more distance. Unless it¡¯s SUPER clear that yeah, Evanescence is AWESOME, and I totally knew it from the future, Tabitha sported a wry smile. Hah. Need to just actually PROVE something. Words are cheap. And, Elena really is a good friend. She was wrong about the Julie thing, sure. But she still made sure someone knew. Just in case. Like I should have done back then. That¡¯s important, and I know it couldn¡¯t have been easy for her to do. It¡¯s never been easy for me to talk to anyone about the Ashlee stuff. Her first idea for Elena¡¯s Christmas present was, however, kaput. The fallback plan was already in place, but would need a bit of work. On a trip several months ago with her grandmother, they¡¯d snagged a snazzy black leather jacket from Salvation Army. Tabitha¡¯d had eyes on the particular jacket for a while as she went through the rows of hanging items browsing for finds, planning on maybe wearing it and a pair of shades to the Matrix premiere with her friends next year. Rather than branded fashion or simple classy wear for over a suit it seemed to be one for motorsports¡ªit was designed to be a snug fit, had extra closure snaps, and the elbows and shoulders seemed reinforced with extra layers stitched in. More to the point, it looked really cool! So, when the day rolled around to where blue tags were half-off, Tabitha had bought it for six ninety-nine. Its sleeve didn¡¯t fit around her cast, so she never got to properly try it on, and in addition its zipper was broken, but for seven bucks it was hard to complain. I¡¯ve never replaced a zipper, but even worst-case scenario, I imagine we could just shuck it off with the seam ripper, rig up buttons and eyeholes in like, seven or eight minutes. Alicia was harder to shop for. Following her first gut instinct, Tabitha wanted to introduce Alicia to anime and manga properly. However, this just wasn¡¯t much available here in 1998, yet. This was the strange before times, where manga did not occupy an entire gigantic wall of every bookstore. Hot Topic had a few anime titles, and from a brief inquiry with Casey recently Family Video also had three or four anime videos for rent, but that was it. I feel like in my last life, Alicia must¡¯ve for sure been into anime in the coming years, Tabitha pursed her lips as she leaned back against the bed. Maybe had lots of Inu Yasha drawings, or Cardcaptor Sakura sketches, Escaflowne, CLAMP, stuff like that. She seems the type. Loves movies, has that huge infectious enthusiasm for the stories she loves, that just kind of beams out of her when she smiles. Alicia¡¯s cuter than she realizes when she smiles! And, she¡¯s already made a Star Wars costume¡ªshe¡¯s like a proto-cosplayer, already. ¡°So¡ªit¡¯s nineteen ninety-eight, and it¡¯s semi-rural small town Kentucky,¡± Tabitha muttered to herself. ¡°And, I just have a week or two left. Where am I gonna find bootleg fansub tapes of stuff like Revolutionary Girl Utena? Sandboro? See if Ziggy has a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend into anime? Mrs. Williams managed to do it for Evanesence¡­¡±
¡°You¡¯re sure you¡¯re gonna be okay?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°If you¡¯re havin¡¯ second thoughts, just say the word and I¡¯ll turn us around.¡± ¡°It¡¯s going to be alright,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°If my dad wants to try to lecture me or argue or anything, I¡¯ll shut him down or just leave the room. I¡¯m not putting up with it today. Not on Christmas.¡± They were in Mrs. Macintire¡¯s sporty Acura, which seemed to Tabitha to be where Sandra and her spent the most time together. That wasn¡¯t to say they didn¡¯t chat at the house now and then, but there Mrs. Macintire seemed to be in a different gear. At home, the woman could laze about, vegetate in front of the television or just lay in bed reading next to her husband for hours. When Mrs. Macintire was in her car and going someplace, she became active and lively and filled with purpose¡ªthese were the moments where she most wanted to plan things and discuss and think things through. Tabitha clutched a paper bag from Food Lion in her lap, which contained the wrapped Gameboy Colors for the boys, Holiday cards, and four gashapon plastic toy capsules she¡¯d received after feeding an exorbitant amount of quarters into the vending machine up by Food Lion¡¯s front windows. She¡¯d had a last minute clever idea for what she could do with them. ¡°I just hate the idea that he¡¯s gonna cause some stupid fuss and leave you in a bad mood around Christmas time,¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed. ¡°Ugh, that man¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯ll be fine,¡± Tabitha shrugged. They¡¯d already had a quiet Christmas eve celebration the previous night, with Tabitha remembering to ask for them to move it forward to early evening rather than just before bed so that there was enough time for Hannah to watch a movie. Tabitha had received a gorgeous dressy pair of white sandals not unlike the pair she¡¯d borrowed back on black friday, as well as another Disney CD and a Mariah Carey CD¡ªher Butterfly album. She was a bit perplexed by that one, having never been much of a Mariah Carey fan, but went with the assumption that it was Officer Macintire¡¯s pick, and that he hadn¡¯t really known what to get her. Then, Mrs. Macintire had retired for the night to spend private time with her husband, while Tabitha curled up under a blanket with Hannah in the living room to watch the gift Tabitha had picked out for her¡ªKiki¡¯s Delivery Service, the only Ghibli movie she thought she could get her hands on in 1998. It was an enjoyable evening, and Hannah loved the movie, the little girl mostly seeming surprised that she¡¯d never even heard of it before. Five or six more years for Spirited Away and Howl¡¯s Moving Castle, Tabitha thought to herself with a wistful smile. Maybe TEN more years for Ponyo. Kinda iffy on the exact dates, just somewhat remember the general timeframes. As for the adults in her life, Tabitha bought holiday cards. Most of her budget was reserved first for children, then the kids her age, and it was embarrassing to realize all of the grown ups were something of an afterthought. She spent the last fourteen dollars of the money set aside for Christmas spending on nice Hallmark cards, and then spent three evenings and two mornings writing in them. Rather than some generic well wishes concise enough to be read aloud to everyone upon opening the card in a performative Christmas display, Tabitha put time and thought into writing multiple paragraph entries earnestly expressing how thankful she was for each of them and how much she appreciated them being a part of her life. Even dad, Tabitha felt her mood sober all over again. Because¡ªjust a few weeks ago I was thinking to myself he was the greatest dad in the world. Yeah, we do have issues. Because he¡¯s wrong about family things and stupidly stubborn about it. But ASIDE from that, he has always been kind and cared about me and been a pretty good dad.
¡°Tabitha¡¯s here!¡± Nicholas exclaimed from the window. ¡°Finally,¡± Aiden huffed. ¡°Did she bring presents?!¡± Sam demanded, jockeying with Nicholas for the position at the glass pane. ¡°She¡¯s¡ªow, cut it out doofus¡ªshe¡¯s got a huge bag!¡± Nicholas reported. ¡°Huge? How huge?¡± Aiden started towards the front door, but Joshua beat him there. Tabitha! Joshua couldn¡¯t help but be thrilled as he swung open the apartment door. The air was frigid but the front yard wasn¡¯t exactly a beatific winter wonderland¡ªall the grass was dead this time of year, a sick looking greenish-yellow at odds with the oranges and browns of wet leaves strewn about everywhere. There had been snow in the air earlier this week, but to the boy¡¯s disappointment it just wasn¡¯t cold enough for snow to stick on the ground. Some of the leaves near the curb had a rime of frost on them, and they could all see their breath, but that was about as exciting as winter was going to get. ¡°Close the front door, for heaven¡¯s sakes!¡± Grandma hollered over. ¡°What, were you raised in a barn?!¡± They weren¡¯t supposed to let all the heat out, so Aiden and Joshua shoved each other in the doorway for a moment before stepping out on the porch and closing it behind them. The pretty lady from the roller rink who¡¯d helped stand him back up when he fell was waving at him from a car, and Tabitha was struggling her way free of the passenger¡¯s side with a big paper grocery bag. ¡°Presents!¡± Aiden cried, running down the steps and immediately slipping on a slick patch of leaves. ¡°Careful!¡± Tabitha called over. ¡°Are you okay?¡± It wasn¡¯t even a bad fall, and Aiden deserved it anyways so Joshua dashed his way past where his brother was clambering back up to his feet and ran over to Tabitha in a surge of excitement. Despite Tabby wearing that same old hoodie he¡¯d seen her wear all winter and a pair of ordinary jeans, Joshua was struck by how lovely his cousin had become. Not beautiful, exactly, and gorgeous was probably too far. Lovely seemed to fit just right. Her red hair looked nice, she was pale but had those kind and delicate features. She was just really pretty. More importantly, she had presents! ¡°Christmas presents?!¡± Joshua crushed in to give her a big grappling hug. ¡°Yes, yes, I have your presents for each of you,¡± Tabitha awkwardly patted his shoulder with her cast hand, hefting the paper bag up higher in her other arm so that he couldn¡¯t peek over the edge and see inside. ¡°Can we open them?!¡± Joshua disengaged from the hug and opened his arms, offering to take the burden of carrying that heavy thing from her. ¡°Not yet!¡± Tabitha gave him an exasperated smile before looking past him. ¡°Aiden, are you okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Aiden reported, catching up to them but not stepping in for a hug. He just wants presents, but he doesn¡¯t even LIKE Tabitha, Joshua decided, giving his brother an unfriendly stare. He¡¯s taking stupid mom¡¯s side. Which is DUMB. Dumb and like, totally ungrateful when he¡¯s wanting presents from Tabby still. What a philistine! Philistine was edging out paramecium brain as this week¡¯s popular word exchanging back and forth between the boys, despite grandma¡¯s insistence that they were using the word wrong. It was a diss word, how could they possibly be using it wrong? They used to be allowed to say swears back when they were with their parents, but around grandma they¡¯d get in trouble even saying tame ones like shit and dickbag. Abbreviating it to D-bag wasn¡¯t quite as impactful and didn¡¯t really satisfy when the brothers were insulting each other back and forth. ¡°Merry Christmas, boys!¡± The pretty lady in the driver¡¯s seat called. ¡°Merry Christmas,¡± Joshua answered with an awkward stare. ¡°Are my parents here, yet?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Uncle Alan and your auntie Shannon? I don¡¯t see his truck.¡± ¡°Nope,¡± Joshua said. ¡°Do you want me to help you carry that?¡± ¡°I think I¡¯ll manage,¡± Tabitha said in a dry voice, brushing past his grabby hands. ¡°You just want to peek at the presents!¡± ¡°Just a peek!¡± Aiden begged. ¡°Pleeaaase.¡± ¡°I was just gonna help carry them, I wasn¡¯t gonna look!¡± Joshua promised. ¡°I swear.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Tabitha¡¯s skepticism was apparent as she stopped by the driver¡¯s side window of the car. ¡°I¡¯m off¡­ I suppose. Wish me luck?¡± ¡°You¡¯ll be fine,¡± The driver lady assured her. ¡°Have a great Christmas, and have fun! Call me if you need to, for anything. Okay?¡± ¡°I will,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Thanks for the lift. Merry Christmas!¡± ¡°Merry Christmas!¡± The lady said, giving them another small wave as she pulled on down the street. ¡°We¡¯re not allowed to open presents until everyone¡¯s here,¡± Joshua said, a small hop helping convey his urgency. ¡°Gramma said this year we havta have a big family Christmas.¡± ¡°Are you boys doing okay?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Yeah?¡± Joshua responded, confused by the question. ¡°We want to open all the presents.¡± ¡°No durr,¡± Aiden performed an exaggerated eye roll. Joshua watched as Tabitha let out a long, slow sigh that turned into vapor in the chilly December air. She seemed distracted, on edge even, and her gaze followed the lady¡¯s car as it rolled on down the street, paused at the stop sign, and then made a turn to disappear down the neighborhood. ¡°I just¡ª¡± Tabitha started to say something and then seemed to hesitate. ¡°We want you boys to have an amazing Christmas. A memorable one. Even though your parents won¡¯t be here. Maybe¡­ especially because your parents won¡¯t be here.¡± ¡°We¡¯re fine,¡± Aiden sounded a little defensive. ¡°It¡¯s not even a big deal.¡± ¡°It is, though,¡± Tabitha shook her head. The teenager adjusted the paper bag to one hip and then she hunkered down to kneel, so that she would be at eye level with them. Joshua caught a glance of the wrapped presents over the lip of the bag before averting his eyes with a sense of guilt. ¡°You¡¯re excited about presents now, I get it,¡± Tabitha forced a small smile for them. ¡°But¡­ as the years go on by, the toys and games¡¯ll mean less and less to you.¡± ¡°Pssh, yeah right,¡± Aiden scoffed in disbelief. ¡°Yeah¡ªI don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°They will!¡± Tabitha insisted. ¡°You¡¯ll have your own money someday, and the freedom to buy whatever you like. Even toys and games, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re interested in then.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll still want free presents at Christmas,¡± Joshua argued. ¡°What I¡¯m saying, is,¡± Tabitha blew out another slow breath. ¡°When you get older, there¡¯s going to be all sorts of things that no amount of money can ever buy. Grandma¡¯s not going to be around forever, and one day the time will come when we won¡¯t get to have any more Christmases with her. It¡¯s easy to scoff at the family part of Christmas now, when you can take it for granted. ¡°It¡¯s not just Grandma, either¡ªyou four boys have grown up together and basically never been apart,¡± Tabitha pointed out. ¡°Eventually, the time will come when you¡¯re each eighteen, when you each go out on your separate paths to make your way in the world. Maybe you¡¯ll stay in touch with each other and still remain close¡ªmaybe you won¡¯t. Some of you may be too busy to make time for Christmas get-togethers, some of you might have your own families to worry about someday. Some of you might even be in prison¡ªyes, it is a possibility.¡± ¡°No way,¡± Aiden shook his head. ¡°Either way, years and years from now you¡¯ll look back on this Christmas, and it probably won¡¯t be the toys and games you wind up missing,¡± Tabitha concluded. ¡°Those will be things you can get yourself any time you please.¡± ¡°We get it, we get it,¡± Aiden threw his hands up in exasperation. ¡°Be thankful for what we have and all that blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, yackety-smackety.¡± ¡°Appreciate our family, even when really they¡¯re a bunch of lame bozos,¡± Joshua added. ¡°I mean¡ªexcept for you, obviously. And grandma. But like, Tabitha, it¡¯s easy for you to say all that, you don¡¯t havta deal with three brothers every day. And I¡¯m the youngest!¡± ¡°Hmm, you¡¯re right,¡± Tabitha gave him a wry smile and reached up to brush his bangs back from his forehead. ¡°I know, I know. I get it. Everyone who has presents for you just wants to be all preachy about appreciation! Right?¡± ¡°Yeah, kinda?¡± Joshua gave her an expressive but what can you do shrug. ¡°But, it¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°We¡¯re used to it,¡± Aiden put on an aggrieved face. ¡°Now¡ªc¡¯mon!¡± ¡°Alright, alright,¡± Tabitha chuckled, rising back up to her feet with an unsteady waver and hefting the bag up again. ¡°Thank you for humoring this old lady, at least. I do start to get sentimental about it all here in my twilight years of, uh¡­ fourteen.¡±
Okay, that made me FEEL old, Tabitha did her best not to grimace as she followed the hyper Joshua and overenthusiastic Aiden up the porch steps and inside the apartment. Guess before you know it, you just start getting into these patronizing lectures¡ªabout how they need to savor these childhood moments, before they¡¯re gone. When actually, I might as well be speaking Swahili, right? They literally CANNOT understand what I¡¯m talking about. Being a kid is all they know, and the contexts of adulthood might as well be sixth-dimensional incomprehensible screeching from beyond the gellar field. What does anyone even gain from attempting to describe concepts they¡¯re not going to be able to grasp? Is it for my own benefit, so I can feel better about myself? Is it so I can say ¡®I told you so,¡¯ later on? Grandma Laurie¡¯s place was uncomfortably warm while still bundled up, and so Tabitha shed her jacket and carefully hung it up on the rack near the door. Just like last time she visited, the apartment was neat and tidy and had been vacuumed recently, and it was amusing to her that this was getting to be her new impression of grandma Laurie¡¯s place. Throughout the summer it had been a regular pigpen of toys everywhere and messes left by her cousins, and she liked to imagine her positive influence was leading them to become less like slovenly wild children. Which is ridiculous, it¡¯s obvious they just cleaned because they were preparing for company, Tabitha chided herself with a knowing smile. Still. It looks nice. They even have a tree! It was a five foot tall plastic Christmas tree with rather sparse branches, decorated with an assortment of colored balls and then ¡®kids-craft¡¯ ornaments. If she were to speculate, she would assume each year at elementary school around this time of year the classes had them make up ornaments with styrofoam, glue, construction paper and glitter. Some of the dangling things were shaped like gingerbread men, some were slightly squashed snowflake paper lanterns, there were candy-cane ones with a letter of a boy¡¯s name positioned on each of the twisting stripes, there were snowmen heads with stovepipe hats, a Santa Claus with a beard made out of painted macaroni, and a few slapdash creations of glue and paper she couldn¡¯t even begin to guess at. Oh, wait¡ªI guess that one¡¯s originally a pine cone? Probably spray-adhesive and glitter on a pine cone, then construction paper ¡®ornaments¡¯ and¡­ I think those are googly eyes? Beneath the tree was a poor-man¡¯s family Christmas present pile, and Tabitha regarded it with a wry smile for a moment. Unlike the collection of seventeen different wrapping paper rolls Tabitha had been given freedom to raid over at the Macintire¡¯s, all of the ones here were in a binary of two colors; festive holiday green paper, and light blue paper. Upon closer inspection, the light blue design was adorned with clip art balloons and confetti and the words ¡®Happy Birthday,¡¯ indicating the wrapping paper roll had been borrowed from another occasion. Still, it has a lot of heart, Tabitha slipped out of her new shoes and headed towards the kitchen in search of her grandmother. The Macintires aren¡¯t even having much of a proper Christmas; it¡¯s just a big ¡®Hannah gets a ton of presents¡¯ day over there. With Officer Macintire still on orders for bedrest and Mrs. Macintire working a lot of hours, Sandra had made the executive decision to not bother hauling in a big tree this year or dragging all of their decorations down from the attic. Hannah had sulked about it for a bit, and Tabitha had volunteered to do all the legwork if necessary, but Mrs. Macintire was able to justify her veto by waving it off and saying that this year they could just go visit the Williams family for brunch sometime in the next few days. Mrs. Williams was sure to have gone all out, and their community over there was apparently one of those weird suburban areas where neighbors got competitive about Christmas light displays along the rooftops, bushes, and yards. Well, and then Officer Macintire made some kinda off-color jokes about them going Jewish just for this year, Tabitha wanted to cringe at remembering. I don¡¯t know. Maybe I¡¯m biased. The best Christmas is one spent here, with the boys! All of them are practically VIBRATING with Christmas spirit. ¡°Hi Tabitha!¡± Samuel stood up from where he had been sitting on the couch¡ªwell, he stood up on the couch. ¡°Merry Christmas!¡± ¡°Get down,¡± Tabitha swatted at him with a smile. ¡°Merry Christmas. Nicholas, you have icing all over your face. Just FYI, little guy.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Nicholas grinned. ¡°Gramma made cinnamon rolls!¡± ¡°I can still smell them!¡± Tabitha said, leaning back as Samuel tried peeking into the paper bag in her arms. ¡°Are there any left?¡± ¡°Uhhh, I think they¡¯re all gone actually,¡± Joshua said, rushing past her. ¡°But, I¡¯ll go see!¡± ¡°Save one for Tabitha!¡± Samuel hollered. ¡°Um, save a couple for me, please,¡± Tabitha corrected. ¡°Were you all waiting on me?¡± ¡°We still havta wait for uncle Alan and aunt Shannon, too,¡± Aiden informed her with a scowl. ¡°And¡ªthey''re not even here yet! It¡¯s practically noon already! We want to open presents!¡± ¡°We wanna open presents!¡± Nicholas joined in. ¡°It¡¯s noon already!¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ a quarter past nine, actually,¡± Tabitha pointed out with a glance at the VCR¡¯s digital display. ¡°But, I totally get it! Happy I get to see you guys again so soon. Oh, and¡ªthank you all again for going to my birthday party.¡± ¡°It was really cool,¡± Samuel said with a shrug. ¡°We never get to go skating.¡± ¡°We never get to go see movies much, either,¡± Nicholas griped. ¡°Like, hardly ever.¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s not much, but I do have presents for you guys this year¡ª¡± ¡°Gramma says twenty minutes on the next batch of synonym rolls!¡± Joshua yelled from the kitchen. ¡°She¡¯s makin¡¯ a whole bunch more!¡± ¡°¡ªThank you, Joshua!¡± Tabitha called back. ¡°Cinnamon.¡± ¡°Synonym. That¡¯s what I said¡ªcimma-mim. Cimma¡ªCIN-namon.¡± ¡°Hm,¡± Tabitha quirked another smile. ¡°Well, can you boys do me a real big favor? Can you all go and help grandma in the kitchen for a second, maybe get plates and everything to set the table so we can all eat soon as my parents get here?¡± ¡°No way¡ªwe¡¯re all havin¡¯ breakfast after opening presents,¡± Samuel blurted out. ¡°Yeah,¡± Aiden agreed, looking horrified. ¡°Has to be after.¡± ¡°I mean, either way,¡± Tabitha stuck out her tongue. ¡°Go help grandma! Scoot. So that I can sneak these presents into the pile.¡± ¡°Go help grandma!¡± Samuel stiffened and gave her a salute at mention of presents. ¡°Go help gramma!¡± Nicholas bounded off the couch and managed to shove Aiden out of the way. ¡°Hey!¡± Aiden protested, failing to tug Samuel back as they all rushed towards the kitchen. ¡°Go help gramma!¡± ¡°Guys. It¡¯s not even ready yet, she said¡ª¡± Joshua¡¯s confused voice sounded from the kitchen. ¡°Shut up, stupid!¡± ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re helping grandma.¡± ¡°Tabitha brought presents, doofus.¡± ¡°I¡¯m the one who even told you she was gonna!¡± ¡°Did not.¡± ¡°I did too!¡± ¡°Boys, boys,¡± Grandma Laurie exasperation could be heard. ¡°Aiden, don¡¯t¡ªSamuel, put that down, you¡¯re liable to burn yourself. Joshua, those¡¯re oven mitts, not boxing gloves, you stop that.¡± As quickly as she could, Tabitha dropped down into a crouch, hugging the paper bag against herself with her cast hand while she withdrew the present on top, the gameboy color for Samuel¡ªand slid it beneath the couch, pushing the gift in until the upholstery skirting of the couch completely concealed it. Then, she rose and hurried down the hallway. Nicholas was next, and his gift was hidden in the bathroom cupboard. She peeked out to see if the boys were still occupied, and then made a beeline over towards her cousin¡¯s room. Huh, they got a second bunk bed, Tabitha hesitated for a moment, bag starting to crumple as she pulled out Aiden¡¯s gameboy color. Okay, no clue who sleeps where, just gonna put it under the pillow over here. The note says HIS pillow, but well¡ªhe¡¯ll find it! Crossing through the hallway again, Tabitha scampered through the open door to grandma Laurie¡¯s bedroom in the back and took out Joshua¡¯s present, managing to hide it just to the side of the television she had on her dresser there. Scavenger hunt-style instructions were already prepared, written along with Merry Christmas wishes on little slips of paper that she had hidden in the little plastic toy capsules won from the Food Lion vending machine. Well, not really much of a scavenger hunt, I guess, Tabitha couldn¡¯t stifle her enormous grin of excitement. She dashed back out to the apartment¡¯s living room and then buried the four small and unassuming gashapon capsules deep in the pile of presents beneath the tree. With her overwrap of Christmas paper and the big bows, the things now rather resembled large, oblong eggs. Or maybe acorns. Still should be fun, though! Her original idea had been to lead each of the young boys on a three or four stage wild goose hunt across the apartment for locations where she had hidden written clues in little Pokeball capsules¡­ but pragmatism had simplified her plan quite a bit. Using riddles seemed too close to torture for elementary-age boys undoubtably eager to find their presents, so she¡¯d just jotted down directly where their prize would be hidden. Also, actual plastic Pokeball toys were expensive, and even using little vending machine toy capsules had cost her three quarters each! Which was quite a ripoff, considering the three sticky hand toys and single bouncy ball she got in return were probably worth pennies. The Christmas cards she got for the grown-ups were already in their respective envelopes, and she carefully placed each of them on top of the present pile. For: Grandma, the first one read. Dad, another one stated in simple cursive. To: Mom, the one beside it said. Tabitha stared at them each for a long moment before standing back up and withdrawing from the little tree, and as if her attention had summoned them¡ªshe looked up to see that through the front window, her father¡¯s truck was pulling in to park. Her parents had arrived, and it was time for Christmas. 51, Opening presents and open confrontation. Mrs. Moore felt timid and meek as she followed her husband up the porch steps to her mother-in-law¡¯s apartment where they would be spending their Christmas morning. After frustrating weeks of arguments and a rather righteous tirade, she had finally worked up the gumption to visit a few of the businesses within walking distance of the Lower Park and ask if they were hiring. Nervous but fighting to remain optimistic, she had managed to collect three different applications and made a return home with them to fill each of the forms out. When she scrounged up a working pen and actually spread the pages out across the kitchen counter to see what she would need to do¡ªher confidence was simply crushed. It was gut-wrenching to discover how defeating the simple questionnaires were, even with how basic the rather clinically-worded forms were to her. Each application wrung Mrs. Moore¡¯s weak spirit through the same trial, one that should have been an obvious hurdle for her naive idea in the first place. Work experience, Mrs. Moore thought with a hollow feeling. All of them required me to list, IN DETAIL, my past three jobs and fill in information about my employment. The one application asked for my FIVE previous jobs¡ªgood heavens, is that even a normal expectation?! Leaving it all blank felt like she¡¯d be turning in a test without putting any answers on it. It went without saying that whoever was in charge of hiring would chuckle at glancing it over and then toss it right in the trash bin. She wasn¡¯t even bold enough to pen in those scant few modeling jobs her agent had found for her all those many years ago¡ªthey would look at her now and laugh her right out of the building. Putting in a simple ¡®homemaker¡¯ in to explain her missing work experience felt like just as much of a lie. Because, I don¡¯t really have anything to show for that, either, Mrs. Moore thought with a numb stare at her husband¡¯s back. Didn¡¯t manage the household, didn¡¯t do much of cooking or cleaning or TAKING CARE of anyone. Before I might have tried to claim that, but over the past year after seeing my daughter ACTUALLY step up and do those things¡ªit¡¯s humbling. It¡¯s humbling, and the fact of the matter is that I DIDN¡¯T do anything of worth, for years and years and years. Why WOULD anyone ever hire me? Alan had been supportive when he came home and realized how upset she was, and that rankled. She wanted to prove that she could do something, that she could contribute¡ªbut at the same time that all too familiar deadening fear also made her just want to hole herself up in the mobile home like she used to and never ever go out. People were going to judge her. Surely the interviewer would talk down to her. Even if she did somehow miraculously manage to get hired, any other employees would despise her as useless trash. Customers would look at her with impatience and disgust. What job was there for her out there? Where could her beaten and battered psyche possibly survive, dealing with people again? Really don¡¯t know how Tabby does it, Mrs. Moore felt a wash of shame all over again. Imagining being thrust back into a social setting was suffocating, she¡¯d worked herself up into at least one panic attack over it, and she just wasn¡¯t sure if she could actually face it all again. After they knocked, it was Tabitha who opened the door for them, and the two parents awkwardly greeted her and shuffled inside so that they wouldn¡¯t let out all the heat. It was impossible not to feel the strain between them and her¡ªthe subtle surface tension no one wanted to risk breaking by speaking too much or seeming too familiar. Tabitha¡¯s fragile smile didn¡¯t quite reach her eyes, which met their gaze and just as quickly looked away. The way her welcome, come on in, Merry Christmas was delivered might as well have been addressing strangers. The way their daughter then quickly pivoted away from them and withdrew in the direction of the kitchen. We¡¯re so close to losing her, Mrs. Moore¡¯s anxiety graduated to a directionless sense of urgency all over again. We have to DO something, but¡ªbut WHAT? Maybe, maybe we¡¯ve even already lost her. They¡¯d brought a lot of presents, and Alan had to make another trip back to the truck just to carry them all in. It looked like a lot, and her husband had assured her the boys would all be ¡®just tickled pink¡¯ at all the stuff they were getting this year, but she couldn¡¯t help but have her doubts. After all, they¡¯d picked out the toys for their four nephews at the Dollar Tree in Fairfield, on a ten dollar budget. A big bag of generic plastic army soldiers, a pair of brightly-colored squirt guns. A pack of Power Rangers-themed playing cards, and then a package of off-brand Matchbox muscle cars. Several little plastic mazes with a tiny little BB inside, that you turned this way and that to get to the goal, and then a pack of tennis balls with alternating bright green and bright pink colors to play catch with. She¡¯d picked out a pricey lemongrass and ginger Yankee Candle for Laurie, and then for Tabitha they wound up playing it safe¡ªif a bit impersonal¡ªwith a cute little Reese¡¯s gift basket, an expensive Dove lotion, bodywash, and shampoo collection set, and then they put all of their remaining money into a fifty-dollar JC Penney gift card, so that Tabitha could choose things according to her own tastes. Shannon had rationalized all of the picks over and over to death and knew they were probably the smart choices, but at the same time¡­ it felt like there was nothing exciting or meaningful there. Nothing impressive, nothing that would win Tabitha back over. When she looked up from where she was fussing with the distribution of new presents to the pile under the tree, Tabitha was ushering the four young boys out of the kitchen, and Tabitha didn¡¯t look up from them. It stung more than a little to see the girl so purposefully turning her attention anywhere but in her parent¡¯s direction. It just hurt, in a way Shannon had never imagined it could. Please, PLEASE Alan can you just not start up another argument this time.
¡°Can we open now?¡± ¡°Yeah, can we open now?¡± ¡°Can we start opening presents now?!¡± Any attempts to calm the four boys down was momentarily stymied by how hyped up they were¡ªJoshua was running around the table and making a short lap up and down the back hallway, Aiden was practically jumping up and down in place, and Samuel was poised right over the present pile with an enormous grin as if he was about to start snatching things. ¡°Boys¡ªsettle down now, goodness¡¯ sakes,¡± Grandma Laurie pulled out a chair and heaved herself into it with a heavy sigh. ¡°Find yourself spots to sit. Alan, Shannon dear¡ªyou¡¯re welcome to join me here at the table where you won¡¯t have these heathens underfoot.¡± ¡°Do I smell cinnamon rolls?¡± Mr. Moore asked, leading his wife over. ¡°Gramma said twenty minutes!¡± Joshua reported. ¡°Hi. Merry Christmas!¡± ¡°Merry Christmas, Joshua.¡± ¡°Twenty minutes, so¡ªwe havta open presents first,¡± Aiden said. ¡°We can¡¯t wait twenty minutes.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Nicholas joined in. ¡°That¡¯s like¡ªthat¡¯s hours from now!¡± ¡°Boys,¡± Tabitha called. ¡°Find a spot to sit, please. I¡¯ll pass out a few at a time.¡± The frantic energy and excitement was a very welcome distraction for her, because it meant she could just focus on the children. Her parents were here, everything was¡ªwell, copacetic,¡ªand the morning would remain fine so long as everyone stuck to the script. It was Christmas. They all just needed to set aside their differences for one morning and make believe that their relationship wasn¡¯t a big mess. Easy, right? Tabitha forced a smile as she scanned the presents for names and chose a few nicely-sized ones for each of the boys to distribute. Yeah. Easy. No problem. No problem from MY end. Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how rigidly structured other families were for their Christmas morning opening of presents traditions, but the Moore family had always enforced the rule of taking turns to open gifts, one at a time, going around the group in a big circle. It was perhaps a way of artificially extending the presence and impression of the overall event for the kids; the fact of the matter was that there simply weren¡¯t that many presents under the tree. If the boys were given leave to just open them all right away, their entire Christmas morning would be over in two or three minutes at best. The adults all sat over at the table with their chairs turned to face towards the living room, while Samuel and Nicholas claimed the sofa. Aiden and Joshua were left with carpet space, with the former standing up on his knees and the latter trying to sit with legs crossed Indian-style but rocking back and forth and all but frothing at the mouth to start tearing into the presents. Tabitha herself took the guardian position, resting on the floor between the Christmas tree and everyone else, so that she could better hand things out. A solemn silence fell as she did so, passing several wrapped gifts out to each of the boys. ¡°Who starts off this year?¡± Tabitha asked with a small smile. ¡°I do!¡± ¡°Me! Me!¡± ¡°It¡¯s my turn to start this year!¡± ¡°Me me me!¡± ¡°I think this year¡­ it¡¯s Nicholas,¡± Grandma Laurie decided. ¡°YESSSS!¡± Nicholas shot a fist into the air. ¡°NO!¡± Aiden despaired. ¡°That¡¯s so not fair,¡± Samuel stared daggers at his brother. ¡°Hurry up,¡± Joshua urged. ¡°Hurry up hurry up hurry up!¡± ¡°Hold your horses, already!¡± Nicholas said with a grin as he tore into one of the presents in his little pile. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªoh my God, Wrestlemania. I got¡ª¡± ¡°Who¡¯d you get?!¡± Aiden demanded, rising up onto his feet with impatience so he could try to see the packaging his brother was examining. ¡°I got Shawn Michaels!¡± Nicholas boasted, holding the box up for everyone to see for a moment. Tabitha caught a glimpse of a rather brawny action figure with long sculpted hair for a moment, before Nicholas dropped his prize back down into his lap and started ripping a seam between the cardback and the plastic bubble. ¡°Damn, nice,¡± Samuel nodded in appreciation. ¡°Yeah,¡± Joshua said. ¡°Wrestling?¡± Mr. Moore guessed. ¡°Is he a good one?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°I think I only know the super famous ones, like Dwayne Johnson.¡± ¡°Dwayne Johnson?¡± Samuel gave her a skeptical look. ¡°You mean The Rock?¡± ¡°The Rock, yeah,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I know him, and I know John Cena, and I know David Bautista.¡± The boys exchanged confused glances with each other, which resulted in Joshua giving them a shrug, Aiden shaking his head in exasperation, and Nicholas letting out a laugh and turning his attention back to the action figure in front of him. ¡°Uhh, yeah I dunno if those last two are real wrestlers,¡± Samuel had the patience to educate her. ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of them. We¡¯re talking wrestling like¡ªGoldberg, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Shaun Michaels.¡± ¡°The Undertaker,¡± Aiden added with a scoff. ¡°Triple H. Sting. Booker T. The Rock is real, yeah, but those other two aren¡¯t even real wrestlers.¡± ¡°Hmm, is that so?¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes twinkled. ¡°I think it¡¯s your turn next, Aiden.¡± ¡°Finally!¡± Aiden shredded apart the wrapping paper of his next present with glee. ¡°I got¡ªit¡¯s Batman. Knight Force Ninjas Deluxe Power Kick Batman!¡± ¡°Whoaaa,¡± Joshua¡¯s mouth fell open. ¡°Let me see!¡± ¡°Lemme see, lemme see!¡± Nicholas demanded. ¡°We can¡¯t even see it!¡± ¡°Another action figure?¡± Tabitha guessed. ¡°Yeah,¡± Aiden said. ¡°¡®Cept way cooler¡ªlook he¡¯s got like, battle damage and everything. You can see his suit¡¯s torn on his shoulder and then there on his leg, like he¡¯s been fighting. He looks so cool. So cool.¡± ¡°Nice,¡± Nicholas grudgingly admitted, looking from it back down towards his Shaun Michaels figure. ¡°¡®Knight Force¡­ Ninjas Deluxe?¡¯¡± Mrs. Moore enunciated it out loud with a frown. ¡°They have to differentiate the various collections of figures somehow or other,¡± Tabitha let out a laugh. ¡°Is this from one of the movies, or the comics?¡± ¡°Uhh, the show, I think,¡± Aiden answered. ¡°The cartoon. From the way the style looks, with the really square chin. Batman the animated series. It¡¯s really good.¡± ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s really good,¡± Samuel nodded. ¡°Me next?¡± ¡°Go for it!¡± Tabitha said. When Samuel opened his pick¡ªyet another action figure¡ªit turned out to be an exceptionally beefy Han Solo, so ridiculously swole that Tabitha had to let out enough laugh when she was shown, because the toy bore almost no resemblance to actor Harrison Ford. This figure was a bit smaller than the ones Samuel¡¯s brothers had just opened, but came with a swiveling gunners chair to the front of which attached a neat faux window outline in the shape of one of those Star Wars style cockpits. Much to the envy of the other boys, this Han Solo gunnery chair thing fired four missiles, little plastic sticks that shot out of some hidden spring mechanism one by one when the gear at the back of the plastic gunnery seat was turned. Tabitha was perhaps the least impressed, but then again she had no idea what sort of imaginary play rules her cousins operated by when they did their thing with their action figures. It¡¯s interesting how clever each of the figure designs are, Tabitha mused to herself as the boys continued to take turns opening their toys. They¡¯re all so different, yet each one revealed has really blown away the boys with that, I don¡¯t know¡ªthat COOL FACTOR. Muscular and masculine, ready to burst into action and adventure. To fight off the bad guys and save the day. They¡¯re all part of these big huge franchise brands, too¡ªyou can see their elementary-schooler eyes just light up with recognition and, and I guess pull them into the dream, the story, bring to mind all of the television or cartoons or whatnot these things are from. It¡¯s a little magical. ¡°Godzilla all terrain attack vehicle!¡± Joshua crowed, holding his new treasure up high with both hands. ¡°It¡¯s got¡ªit¡¯s got like, it fires mortar bombs from the back. And, it comes with the guy!¡± ¡°Guy?¡± Aiden asked. ¡°What guy?¡± ¡°Uhhh, it says it comes with Godzilla Force Nick. I think he¡¯s from the movie?¡± Wouldn¡¯t it be something if GOBLIN PRINCESS really took off and got big someday? Tabitha daydreamed as she watched on with a small smile. Instead of Harry Potter just completely dominating the young adult fiction sphere. Were there Harry Potter toys? I¡¯m sure there must have been. What would toys from my story look like? A plucky little action figure protagonist? A set of her close goblin friends? The evil magi?
When they got to the very tail end of their presents, Tabitha distributed the ones that were from her¡ªa little wrapped ball for each of them she delivered with a mischievous smile and a toss. More than anything Joshua was confused when he caught his¡ªbecause the little thing was too small, and too light. There was no way a Tamagotchi would fit in here, even if it was already opened. It was almost as if¡ªJoshua unwrapped the ball, revealing that it was in fact, just a capsule toy like you could get from the vending machines at the front of Food Lion. Joshua¡¯s heart fell at the sight. Inside the clear plastic ball it was plain to see that there was just some folded slip of paper. Almost like the little fortunes you could get from fortune cookies. The weight of disappointment completely crushed his hopes at getting something cool from Tabitha. Surely she wasn¡¯t this out of touch with what real kids actually wanted, right? Was this some gift idea that some girly teen fashion magazine brainwashed her into thinking deep and meaningful?! What even was it, a poem for Christmas, or something? It was as bad as getting a Christmas card from the grown ups without even any money in it. Perhaps worst of all, this had happened before! Last Easter, grandma Laurie had taken them to an easter egg hunt one of the local churches was hosting. Half of the eggs didn¡¯t even have M & M¡¯s or jellybeans in them¡ªthey had Bible verses, written on folded slips of paper. Just like this. Joshua watched as Aiden tried and failed to get his capsule open with his fingernails, a problem Joshua shared. The things were hard to get open. ¡°It¡¯s just a piece of paper,¡± Aiden gave up on prying it open and sent a look towards Tabitha that was somewhere between a scoff and a smirk. ¡°I¡­ can¡¯t even open it,¡± Joshua admitted with a grimacing smile. I¡¯m not sure I even want to? ¡°Are they hard to get open?¡± Tabitha asked with an expectant look. ¡°Here¡ªI can get it for you.¡± Nicholas had already managed to get his open and was holding the slip of paper up to read it with a frown, and with a frustrated sound and a pop Samuel opened his as well. With a sheepish grin Joshua handed his capsule to Tabitha, while Aiden had already lost interest¡ª the brother set his capsule aside unopened and turned his attention back towards the Batman figure in front of him. Can Tabitha even get it with her one hand in a cast? Joshua wondered. Rather than picking at the plastic lid with her fingernails or trying to twist it off, Tabitha took the vending machine ball in her good hand and squeezed it. When the mouth of the little container deformed in the strength of her grip the lid popped off on its own, and Tabitha promptly passed the open toy capsule back to Joshua. He then dug the slip inside out with his fingertip and was just about to see what it said¡ªwhen Nicholas bolted upright from his sitting position on the couch and then made a beeline for the bathroom. ¡°Hah,¡± Aiden laughed. ¡°When you gotta go, you gotta go!¡± Smiling and shaking his head, Joshua finally unfolded the slip to read:
Merry Christmas Joshua! Your REAL present is next to the TV in grandma¡¯s room.
My REAL present? Joshua felt a surge of excitement replace the disappointment and he looked back towards Tabitha in disbelief. This wasn¡¯t it?! She beamed an especially beautiful smile at him and nodded her head in the direction of the back hallway. Still stupidly holding the paper slip in both hands as if it would personally lead him, Joshua struggled to his feet and stepped over the strewn mess of crumpled gift paper that had surrounded him. Samuel had already dropped off of the sofa and into a crouch and was scooping aside the trash pile of his own that had collected at his feet¡ªJoshua watched with a sense of urgency as Sam reached beneath the sofa and pulled out another wrapped box that had been hidden there. One whose Christmas wrapping paper didn¡¯t match any of the familiar ones the Moores used! ¡°What the¡ª¡± Aiden exclaimed at seeing Samuel pull a present out of nowhere. ¡°No fair! Where¡¯d that come from?!¡± ¡°Aww, Aiden,¡± Joshua could hear the playful pout in Tabitha¡¯s voice as he dashed down the back hallway. ¡°You didn¡¯t open your Christmas present from me!¡± She went and hid our REAL presents! Joshua thought with a grin. He caught a fleeting glimpse of Nicholas tearing open a present through the open bathroom door as he passed by, but there was no time to stop and see. The apartment wasn¡¯t that big, and he thundered into grandma Laurie¡¯s room in the back and all but scrambled for the TV where the four brothers usually played Nintendo 64. There it was¡ªa box-shaped present for him, nestled in just beside the television set. When he grabbed it up it was heavier than expected, so it shouldn¡¯t be a VHS tape, or even an action figure. Action figures didn¡¯t weigh all that much themselves, and most of their packaging was always a clear plastic bubble that was mostly empty air. Eager fingers found the taped seam at the end and he tore and ripped the wrapping apart, to reveal¡ª ¡°No way,¡± Joshua¡¯s eyes went wide and he felt his chest seize with tension at the sheer disbelief of it all. The picture on the box in his hand depicted a lime-green Gameboy Color. She¡¯d gotten them a Gameboy Color. This was a brand new Gameboy Color. Gameboy. Color. It¡¯s a GAMEBOY COLOR, Joshua reiterated in his mind, so thrilled he could almost burst. SHE GOT US A FRIGGIN¡¯ GAMEBOY COLOR!!! ¡°Guys!¡± Joshua couldn¡¯t help but shout. ¡°Guys, Guys!!¡± He hugged the beloved box against his chest so that there was absolutely no chance he would accidentally drop or damage it, scampering back down the hall. His thoughts were whirling, because an entire new game system was way way way better than the Tamagotchi he had been expecting. With this, they wouldn¡¯t be forced to share just one Nintendo 64 between the four of them anymore! Some of them could play the N64, while some could play the Gameboy! Sure, there was always still gonna be someone left out, but this way at least¡ª ¡°Ohmigod,¡± Nicholas blurted out, stepping out of the bathroom. His brother looked shell-shocked, he was holding up his own box, and when Joshua laid eyes on it he was stunned into silence as well. Another Gameboy Color, the one Nicholas cradled in his hands being blue instead of green. They each froze as they stared at each other¡¯s boxes in astonishment, because it wasn¡¯t even believable. Was this some sort of prank? The boxes looked real, and it had a certain heft to it that indicated the contents inside were genuine. Tabitha buying them Gameboys, plural, was crazy, though¡ªit felt like for a moment all of Joshua¡¯s thought processes had short-circuited and reason and logic had just jumped out the window. Is this¡ªis this real?! Joshua was too flabbergasted to speak. Technically speaking, although they all shared the Nintendo 64, it wasn¡¯t even theirs. It was their dad¡¯s. With two Gameboys they could¡ªthey could¡ªhe couldn¡¯t even imagine it. Max in his second-grade class had brought his Gameboy to school and instantly attracted the full awe and jealousy of every single kid there! Mrs. Cunningham had to temporarily confiscate it, because it stole the attention of the entire classroom! An entire handheld video game system, that could fit in the palm of your hands! Alternating between too numb to speak and too blown away not to scream and shout in triumph, Joshua followed Nicholas as he hurried out to the living room to show everyone. Before they could even reveal the huge surprise though, both of them staggered to a stop at the sight of Samuel holding his own Gameboy Color box¡ªthis one was red! ¡°Oh my God oh my God oh my God!!¡± Joshua blurted out. ¡°Aiden, hurry!¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°Or, everyone¡¯ll have one but you!¡± Having never looked more alarmed in his entire life, Aiden darted past them in a panic now with a tiny slip of paper in his hand¡ªlate in the hunt for his own present. ¡°What¡¯s all this?¡± Mr. Moore asked with a faintly disapproving look. ¡°What¡¯d you boys get?¡± ¡°We got¡ªwe got Gameboy Colors?¡± Samuel breathed out, obviously just as incredulous as Joshua and Nicholas were. ¡°One for each of you, so that you won¡¯t have to share,¡± Tabitha revealed with a proud smile. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ a bit much,¡± Mr. Moore frowned. ¡°I put in batteries for you guys, and I also put a game cartridge in each one,¡± Tabitha continued as if she hadn¡¯t heard her father. ¡°Samuel and Aiden have Pokemon Red, Nicholas and Joshua have Pokemon Blue. There¡¯s two link cables, so that you¡¯ll be able to battle against each other and trade Pokemon.¡± ¡°Well, my word,¡± Grandma Laurie shook her head with a smile. ¡°Grandma¡ªI bought a big pack of double-A batteries for them, it¡¯s still half full,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°In a few days or however long it takes, you make sure that replacement batteries are only for boys who¡¯ve been on their best behavior.¡± ¡°We got Pokemon?!¡± Nicholas exclaimed, quickly flipping the Gameboy Color box around so that he could untab the closure and open it. ¡°Isn¡¯t all that expensive?¡± Mrs. Moore fretted, looking back and forth across the boys. ¡°Guys¡ªguys!?¡± Aiden jolted out of the back hallway, holding a fourth box¡ªthis one depicting a yellow Gameboy Color. ¡°They won¡¯t actually have real color like they should,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°We¡¯ll see about that in the future. Couldn¡¯t quite afford to get you all Pokemon Yellow, but ¡®Licia, ¡®Lena and I should each have that one, and then you boys¡¯ll have Red and Blue, and that way we¡¯ll be able to trade across the versions and actually collect every single Pokemon! I¡¯m so excited to be able to play with you guys!¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ª¡± Joshua already wanted to cry as the realization really dawned on him. These weren¡¯t presents from a vague and probably not real entity like Santa Claus. They obviously weren¡¯t from their parents, and grandma Laurie looked just as surprised to see the appearance of four Gameboy Colors. Aunt Shannon¡¯s confusion and uncle Alan¡¯s pursed lips also told him that they hadn¡¯t bought these. These were completely from Tabitha. It was one thing to know these were the presents Tabby had gotten them, and then another to really realize it. ¡°Seems like a bit much,¡± Mr. Moore said in a careful tone, as if choosing his words so as not to sound too critical while in front of everyone. Joshua immediately hugged the box even more tightly against himself, as if that stupid adult might convince them to take it away from him. ¡°Couldn¡¯t they have, y¡¯know, just gotten one and then shared it between them?¡± ¡°They¡¯ve done that with everything their whole lives,¡± Tabitha countered in a calm voice. ¡°This time, for once they won¡¯t have to.¡± It¡¯s mine, like ACTUALLY mine, Joshua felt floored all over again. I won¡¯t have to share it. I won¡¯t even have to SHOW THEM. It¡¯s just for me. This, right here. Is MY Gameboy. The entire concept was so astonishing that he felt his eyes water as he admired the package depicting the Gameboy. Growing up in extreme close proximity with three other brothers always wound up making all of the toys communal property. Sure, each of them had gotten ¡®their own¡¯ figures and stuff for Christmas, but that tended to just mean they got to play with it first. Sole possession of stuff like that might linger on for a week or two at the very most, before it all simply became everyone¡¯s toys. But now, this gorgeous lime green Gameboy Color was his. His, and his alone. He could write his name on it in permanent marker. The file on the game could have his name typed into it with the selector. Instead of all of them being stuck with whatever goofy thing the kid who happened to be holding the controller put in, before anyone could stop him. This was all his. A Pokemon game, even¡ªhe could catch his own pocket monsters that would be all his, while knowing his brothers were off doing the same with their own monsters. None of them would bug him for it. He wouldn¡¯t have to wait his turn to use it. His brothers wouldn¡¯t even envy him or covet the device or try to steal it from him, because each of them had their own! It was brand new, and was a game he¡¯d always longed for after seeing the commercials on TV and all the kids at school who collected the Pokemon stuff. Maybe he would get lucky and find a super awesome monster like a Charizard! The giant flame dragon thing. Or, a cool spooky evil ghost one, like a Gengar. The boys caught the cartoon show every now and then, but none of them knew the story well and none of them had ever dared to imagine they would get the games for themselves like this. ¡°So¡­ did I do good?¡± Tabitha asked, actually sounding a little nervous. ¡°Do you like them?¡± ¡°Good?!¡± Samuel exclaimed. ¡°This is the best present I¡¯ve ever gotten in my entire life,¡± Joshua told her. ¡°The best ever!¡± ¡°Whoooaa¡­¡± Nicholas had managed to unbox his and held up the actual game system in his hands. A light blue one, pristine and perfect in every way, the dark blue Pokemon game already slotted into the back. Nicholas turned it on, and as one all of the boys crashed into each other, crowding in close in an attempt to see the screen. A pixel GAMEBOY logo swam across the screen in a vivid rainbow of colors, little speakers sounding out with the coin sound they remembered from Mario. A few developer logos went by, and then the Pokemon music played¡ªeach of them were glued to the spot as they watched an animated cinematic of a Gengar fighting a Jigglypuff. No one even dared to breathe, they were so mesmerized. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°Ohmigod ohmigod¡ª¡± ¡°So freakin¡¯ cool!¡± ¡°Is Red the same as Blue?!¡± ¡°So cool. Awesome.¡± ¡°Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy¡ª¡± ¡°This is so amazinggg¡ª¡± ¡°Hit enter. I mean, press A¡ª¡± ¡°Go open your own!¡± ¡°Oh yeah! Hah, duh.¡± ¡°We each have our own Gameboys!!¡± ¡°Boys, boys,¡± Grandma Laurie chided them. ¡°I think your cousin deserves some thank yous and maybe a big hug?¡±
Alan Moore still felt a bit stunned as he watched his nephews throwing themselves into hyperactive fits over the Gameboys. Everything had been going so nice, this morning. Close family coming together to celebrate the coming of Christ, the scent of his mother¡¯s amazing cinnamon rolls she made every Christmas just hanging in the air and working up their appetites. Toys for the boys to get excited for, sure, but that wasn¡¯t what the occasion was supposed to be about. It was a time for family. Now, it was as if the long arm of these other families, these meddlesome interlopers had reached on over to ¡®correct¡¯ their honest and simple notions. With brand new, expensive-as-all-hells Gameboy Color systems, to boot. Boys that age had no business playing around with that kind of expensive electronics, it was ludicrous. They should be running around outside, or learning to build things, to work with their hands. Treehouse forts, digging ditches and dams and what have you down by that creek past the playground. Not staring themselves cross-eyed hunched over those handheld video game things. It didn¡¯t sit right with him. Eighty dollars, EACH! Mr. Moore thought, feeling his smile grow strained. Probably cost an arm and a leg more, ¡®cause you know it¡¯s always BATTERIES SOLD SEPARATELY, then the l¡¯il game cartridges you have to buy off on their own, and all that jazz. It¡¯s absolutely ludicrous! What are those boys supposed to say when one of ¡®em inevitably drops the darn thing and busts it into itty-bitty pieces? How¡¯re they supposed to be able to pay for ¡®em back to the WILLIAMS, or the MACINTIRES¡ªor whoever¡¯n the hell thought to themselves that these were okay things to give to boys this age? Alan wasn¡¯t stupid¡ªhe knew exactly how much the stupid contraptions cost, because he¡¯d been up and down that Walmart electronics aisle in the wake of his wife, searching everything up and down for something special for Tabitha. How could he forget that the things cost eighty dollars¡ªthat kinda price was completely insane. For a quarter of that price you could buy a Tiger Handheld electronic game, and they were basically the same thing! No, them Tiger ones were even better, because they had the game thingamajig itself built right into the darn thing, so you can¡¯t lose it, and you don¡¯t have to buy it separately! What an absolute scam! The Gameboy folk should be ashamed of themselves, parents should really put their foot down ¡®bout this kinda thing, talk to their kids about so they don¡¯t get suckered into these rackets or fooled by all the flashy television commercials that¡¯re always runnin¡¯. What was most galling was that these other families¡ªwhichever ones they were¡ªhad thought it acceptable to interfere in their Christmas in this way. All of the perfectly acceptable toys the boys¡¯d had beaming smiles about just minutes ago were already forgotten. Just like that! Like drones or zombies or something, the boys were now completely enthralled in staring down at the little screens. Oblivious to the outside world, to their own Christmas morning, to their own family. It was unheard of! And now yeah, now I¡¯ve gotta be THE BAD GUY, I¡¯ve gotta be the one sensible adult who knows better than to let them keep the damn things, Mr. Moore thought with a heavy sigh. It was hard to say the gifts were even good-intentioned, no matter which way he tried to spin it. One of those other mothers had surely known what the were up to when they picked out pricey presents, the likes of which the Moores¡ªor any sensible family wouldn¡¯t waste hard-earned money on. He wanted to say these nephews of his had good heads on their shoulders, and knew better than to get sucked into video games, or obsessed like some people did. Maybe these other families were just too used to buying the affection of those around them, falling all the way into that awful mindset. Then again, who knows? Mr. Moore gently shook his head. Hell, I¡¯m sure I¡¯m just overthinkin¡¯ it all. I¡¯ve had too much of this nonsense on my mind. I think what we¡¯ll have to do, is¡ª ¡°Man,¡± Joshua muttered, wholly entranced by the Gameboy Color in his hands. ¡°I bet every Christmas woulda been this good if mom wasn¡¯t spending all the money on drugs.¡± What followed was a moment of stunned, aghast silence as everyone turned to stare at him.
¡°Joshua!¡± Grandma Laurie exclaimed. ¡°Joshua¡ªI don¡¯t ever wanna hear you talk about your own mother that way,¡± Mr. Moore¡¯s voice rose in volume until it sounded threatening. ¡°Honey¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore attempted to interject. ¡°I¡¯m sure he¡ª¡± ¡°She¡¯s your own mother!¡± Mr. Moore exploded. ¡°Things¡¯re bad enough like they are, we don¡¯t need you goin¡¯ ¡®round repeatin¡¯ whatever malarkey nonsense you¡¯ve heard other people say.¡± ¡°Alan¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore tried again, but her husband pressed on heedless of interruption. ¡°They don¡¯t know your momma, they don¡¯t know this family, and honest to God, they don¡¯t even know what they¡¯re talking about,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°They think everyone an¡¯ anyone who happens to live in a trailer court must all just be lowlifes and junkies, they have absolutely no Christian considera¡ª¡± ¡°Dad¡ªcould I speak to you privately for a moment?¡± Tabitha asked, feeling her body still as simmering anger rose up within her. ¡°Please?¡± ¡°Privately?¡± Mr. Moore said, raising his eyebrows at her apparent challenge. ¡°Why? Why privately, honey? There somethin¡¯ you¡¯re too ashamed to say here in front of the boys?¡± ¡°Ashamed? No,¡± Tabitha hugged her arms across herself tightly for protection as the situation seemed to spiral completely out of her control. ¡°I have¡ªI have nothing to be ashamed of! I was hoping to. To be able to reason with you, without some kind of¡­ big, confrontational argument¡ªsomething that might undermine your authority as a parent.¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Mr. Moore chuckled ruefully, shaking his head. ¡°I am a parent, I¡¯m the adult here, and there ain¡¯t nothin¡¯ in the world¡¯s gonna take that away or ¡®undermine it¡¯ or make that any different. I just am a parent¡ªI do have the authority and say so.¡± Oh, really? Then¡ªwhy have I gone to live with another family? Tabitha opened her mouth to say just that, but barely¡ªjust barely¡ªmanaged to restrain herself, snapping her lips closed and biting them into a bitter line. Those were words that, once spoken, she was not going to be able to take back. She was tempted to voice out those thoughts, anyways¡ªbecause they were the truth. No, maybe she wasn¡¯t so tempted because the words were the truth. She wanted to say it because she was furious, and she knew those words would hurt him. ¡°Oh. Okay,¡± Tabitha finally said. ¡°I¡¯m a parent,¡± Mr. Moore continued, shaking his head. ¡°Your Grandma Laurie¡¯s a parent. Danny and Lisa¡ªthey¡¯re parents, it means they deserve to be treated with some respect, no matter what. No matter what kind of random trouble comes our way, it¡¯s important for us to stick together. To support one another. We¡¯re family, for Christ¡¯s sakes!¡± Anguish and embarrassment were roiling in tandem just beneath Tabitha¡¯s skin, rebuttals to each of his statements whipped across her mind too fast to grasp onto, and she had no earthly idea what expression she was making anymore, so¡ªshe left. Tabitha walked past the sofa where Nicholas and Samuel were peeking up from behind their Gameboy Colors, grabbed her coat, and walked out the door. She closed the door carefully behind her, mentally reeling. The cold stung her face, but she didn¡¯t feel tears. The dreary deadness of winter outside was dismal, but she wasn¡¯t even seeing it. Still too flustered to properly put on her coat, Tabitha instead hugged it tight against herself as she paced over to the edge of the porch with no real destination in mind. Just walk away. Yeah. Just walk away. Yeah. Walking away here is maybe the most mature thing I¡¯ve done in my whole life, Tabitha wanted to decide. Or, maybe it¡¯s stupid? I don¡¯t know, I really, honestly don¡¯t know. Maybe sparing him a few cruel words was the real cruelty, when he really, REALLY needs to fucking hear them. No, I¡¯m being mature. I¡¯M GROWN THE FUCK UP. She knew she was too close to the issue to pull it apart and analyze what her best course of action would have been. Just like she was familiar enough with herself to know attempting analysis¡ªif you could even call it that, she would just be running the situation over and over again in her head, wheels spinning in place and getting nowhere¡ªwas going to happen regardless. I should have said it, maybe, Tabitha wanted to cry, but nothing was properly coming out. She turned the other way, anxiously searching down the empty street with no clue as to what she was looking for. I should have said it, but not¡ªbut not in that way, not right then in that moment, not out of HATE. Not out of spite. Not just to hurt him. That would have been¡­ terrible. I don¡¯t think I would have ever been okay with that or been able to live with that. So. Walking away, just fucking¡ªwalking away, that was the smart thing to do. Right? He wasn¡¯t going to actually LISTEN to what I was saying anyways, so I, the fucking adult in this situation, just, I just. Disengaged. I disengaged! That was the mature thing to do there. It¡¯s stupid to try arguing with someone, when you know they¡¯re not even listening. Right? If¡ª The door opened, and Tabitha braced herself as her mother clomped out onto the porch, still struggling her way into a puffy parka. ¡°Well don¡¯t look at me, I¡¯m on your side!¡± Mrs. Moore huffed at Tabitha. ¡°He¡¯s a goddamned fool.¡± The woman fumbled trying to slam the door shut behind her and eventually got her arm the rest of the way through the sleeve and pushed it closed. The fact that Tabitha¡¯s mother was willing to stomp out and join her in the cold was incredibly touching, and the defensive facade Tabitha had attempted to muster fell away. She tried to give her mom a smile and a laugh, but what came out was instead a choked hiccup intake of breath that sounded more like a sob. ¡°You¡¯re okay, you¡¯re okay¡ªhe¡¯s just, Tabitha hon, he¡¯s an idiot,¡± Mrs. Moore hurried over and wrapped her daughter in a quick hug. ¡°Let¡¯s get you into your coat, alright? Get you into your coat. It¡¯s freezing out here!¡± So, Tabitha¡¯s stoic expression crumbled. Those very welcome tears finally arrived, Tabitha broke down crying, and she allowed herself to feel intensely vulnerable as her increasingly flustered mother tried to dress her in the jacket. As childish as it sounded, Tabitha was just tired of thinking things through and being mature, and in that moment she wished she really had gone and simply went off on her stupid, bull-headed father¡ªjust thrown a total tantrum. It was exhausting trying to be the level-headed one all the time, because then where was she to vent out all of her feelings? Once properly situated into her coat, Tabitha clung to the warmth of her mother against the frigid Christmas air, feeling wretched but at least not feeling alone.
¡°Boys¡ªwhy don¡¯t you take your game boys and play in your room for a bit, alright?¡± Grandma Laurie ordered in a stern tone. She wasn¡¯t angry at them, but she was indeed feeling mighty cross, and the four boys could tell. They jumped up and were practically elbowing each other out of the way in a scramble for the hallway to escape. The strange chiptune video game music blared to life for a few seconds as one of them accidentally thumbed a little volume wheel, and with a hush of exchanged whispers and hisses at each other they closed the bedroom door behind them. ¡°Alan,¡± Grandma Laurie put her fingertips to her temples in consternation. ¡°What do you think you¡¯re doing?!¡± ¡°Mom¡­¡± Mr. Moore shook his head. ¡°C¡¯mon, I just knew we were gonna wind up fightin¡¯. Just knew right from the get go she was gonna be lookin¡¯ for anyway and anywhat here she could poke in and challenge the¡ª¡± ¡°Alan,¡± Grandma Laurie reprimanded. ¡°She just wanted to speak with you about it. Can she not just speak with you privately?! What¡¯s the matter with that?¡± ¡°No, she wasn¡¯t,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head. ¡°She wasn¡¯t wantin¡¯ to speak with me off on our own¡ªnot really. She was wanting to be able to get me aside so she could, you know, twist all the words around and get me confused about what I¡¯m talking about, when I know I¡¯m not confused about what I¡¯m talking about. You know how smart she is, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve seen how clever she is with, with putting her words around and rearranging whatever topic it is so that she always seems to come out right, ¡®bout anything and everything.¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s just completely impossible that she is right, is that it?¡± Grandma Laurie put both of her hands on the kitchen counter. ¡°There¡¯s just no way that you¡¯re wrong, and she¡¯s right?¡± ¡°I¡¯m her father,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°She needs to respect that, an¡¯ she needs to respect that her uncle Danny and aunt Lisa¡ªthey¡¯re parents, too. Speakin¡¯ the way she does about them, it¡¯s unheard of.¡± ¡°Alan, if you want to push her away, just keep doin¡¯ what you¡¯re doin¡¯,¡± Grandma Laurie gave him a contemplative look. ¡°Hell, it¡¯s working. I sure hope that¡¯s what you want, because it¡¯s working.¡± ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon¡ªshe lost her temper and stormed off, you saw it,¡± Mr. Moore gestured towards the door. ¡°She could¡¯ve spoke her piece about whatever¡¯n it was with smart nonsense she was gonna try to, to corner me with, but she didn¡¯t¡ªbecause it was gonna have to be be all of us out here hearin¡¯ it.¡± ¡°Is that what that looked like to you?¡± Grandma Laurie shook her head. ¡°¡®Cause to me, it looked like she¡¯s starting to give up on you.¡± ¡°Give up on me?¡± Mr. Moore asked. ¡°Mom¡ªc¡¯mon now, she¡¯s fourteen years old. I know what¡¯s going on. She¡¯s at that age, she¡¯s gonna throw a fit sometimes and fuss about this or that. She doesn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Alan. Listen to me. She¡¯s starting to give up on you.¡±
¡°Way to go, turds for brains,¡± Aiden muttered under his breath. ¡°Shut up,¡± Joshua fumed at him. ¡°Dickwad.¡± Long past the intro cinematics and start of the game, Joshua was using the D-pad to navigate his little sprite character around exploring Pallet town and pressing the A button on everything he could find. Sometimes his efforts returned a dialogue prompt describing something, sometimes it did nothing. There was a little pixel representation of a personal computer in the player¡¯s room, and going through it had rewarded him with a Potion that could apparently be used to heal his Bulbasaur. The video game graphics of course were unimpressive compared to anything on their dad¡¯s Nintendo 64, but this was miniaturized into an entire game console and display that fit in his hands. One that was his, completely his to own, one he didn¡¯t have to share with anyone else. A little world all to himself he could drop down into and pretend in, a simple premise of pet monsters and a call to adventure that filled him with endless fascination and excitement. ¡°You shut up,¡± Aiden called. ¡°Ignoramus. Hope you get in trouble. Hope they take away your Gameboy.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t even say anything wrong,¡± Joshua argued. ¡°So what if I said stuff about mom? It was all the truth anyways. And¡ªTabitha¡¯s the one that gave us these Gameboys, you ungrateful philistine!¡± ¡°Yeah, right,¡± Aiden rolled his eyes. ¡°Retard. She¡¯s barely even older than we are, and she doesn¡¯t even have a job. So what if ¡®she gave them to us,¡¯ her parents were the ones that actually paid for them. Duh.¡± ¡°So, what?¡± Joshua growled. ¡°She still was the one who gave them to us, she at least picked them out. Without her we¡¯d¡¯ve probably all gotten socks and sweaters from them for Christmas. So, still counts, fart fetus.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t even really count, puke-stain-paramecium brain-dick-membrane.¡± ¡°Uncultured swine.¡± ¡°You¡¯re such a disease.¡± ¡°Your mom¡¯s a disease.¡± ¡°Your mom¡¯s a disease, you diaper cheese.¡± ¡°Guys, shut up,¡± Nicholas murmured. ¡°Play your stupid games already.¡± ¡°He started it.¡± ¡°Joshua¡¯s the one who went and made everyone start fighting.¡± ¡°So, what? They were basically already fighting anyways.¡± ¡°Hope they take your Gameboy away.¡± ¡°Hope they take your Gameboy away.¡± ¡°Guys, shut up.¡± Samuel was barely even visible from his next up on the top bunk bed, but he simply dialed the volume of his Pokemon Red up the whole way, drowning out the hushed back-and-forth argument between his brothers in battle music. A few moments later, Nicholas followed suit and the Pokecenter theme resounded from the opposite top bunk. Not ones to be left out, Joshua and Aiden made one last face at each other and cranked theirs up as well, adding two discordant plays of the Pallet town theme music to the noise in their room. ¡°Whatever,¡± Joshua scowled. ¡°S¡¯not my fault mom does drugs.¡±
When the door opened and Mr. Moore stepped out to join them on the porch, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but stiffen in her mother¡¯s arms. His presence felt like an invasion of the rare special moment they were having here, and as he closed the door behind him and stepped right over into Mrs. Moore¡¯s glare, Tabitha struggled not to resent him for everything. Everything. To blame him not just for his bullheadedness over the Lisa issue, but for everything. For not being more proactive about his wife¡¯s social anxiety. For not interfering when Tabitha revealed she was being bullied. For their life at the bottom, where she had grown up in poverty and thought herself inferior to everyone else throughout her formative years. She knew that wasn¡¯t fair. Or at least¡ªnot entirely fair. Tabitha simply wasn¡¯t feeling fair; she was upset, and right now she wanted to take it all out on her father. Every time she tried to be mature and reasonable, it seemed to only make her more and more unhappy. Tabitha felt like being childish, and for a difficult instant it was as if a tantrum was just going to explode out of her. Gritting her teeth and holding it all in made her want to cry again. ¡°S¡¯cold out here,¡± Mr. Moore observed. ¡°Alan¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore warned, stepping between them as if to shield her daughter from his nonsense. ¡°Hey, she wanted to talk!¡± He held up his hands. ¡°She wanted to talk to me privately ¡®bout all this, so¡ªwell, here I am. I¡¯m here to listen¡¯ to what all she¡¯s got to say. If she¡ª¡± ¡°I think that ship has sailed,¡± Mrs. Moore cut him off with a scowl. ¡°Why don¡¯t you¡ª¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha spoke up. ¡°We do need to talk.¡± Both of her parents paused and turned to regard her, and for a long moment nobody spoke. It was a cold and quiet Christmas morning, so there were no cars passing by, no children running amuck across the neighborhood here for once. Just overcast skies, wet lawns, and a silently feuding family standing on an apartment porch. ¡°Mom¡ªcan you give us a few minutes?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°To talk.¡± Shannon Moore¡¯s face scrunched up, telling them both just what she thought of that idea, but after looking back and forth between them and letting out a displeased huff, the woman relented. She gave Tabitha¡¯s shoulders another squeeze, and then slowly shuffled past Mr. Moore, glaring daggers at him as she opened the door and went back inside. The silence continued on in her absence for almost a full minute, with Mr. Moore waiting for Tabitha to say what she needed to say. ¡°Dad¡ª¡± Tabitha blew out a sigh, wondering if she should even bother. ¡°How much do you know about Lisa¡¯s criminal record?¡± ¡°Honey¡­ your aunt Lisa hasn¡¯t had her court date yet,¡± Mr. Moore explained in a patient voice. ¡°She¡¯s not a ¡®criminal,¡¯ or anything like that, definitely not ¡®til she¡¯s been tried by a jury of her peers in a court of law.¡± ¡°Okay?¡± Tabitha let out a small laugh of mirth. ¡°That¡¯s not what I asked, though, is it?¡± ¡°Hmm?¡± ¡°You¡¯re saying¡ª¡± Tabitha hugged her arms tightly against herself and stared across the porch at her father. ¡°What you¡¯re saying is, she hasn¡¯t been convicted of any of the crimes she was arrested for in the early hours of November twenty-sixth of this year. Is that right?¡± ¡°That¡¯s right, hon,¡± Mr. Moore appeared somewhat relieved. ¡°Now you¡¯re gettin¡¯ it.¡± ¡°So¡ªmy question remains,¡± Tabitha continued to stare. ¡°Are you aware of aunt Lisa¡¯s criminal record?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t get what you mean,¡± Mr. Moore shrugged. ¡°If you¡¯re talkin¡¯ ¡®bout the arrest, it¡¯s gonna¡ª¡± ¡°No. Not just arrests,¡± Tabitha shook her head but didn¡¯t break eye contact. ¡°Convictions. Are you aware of aunt Lisa¡¯s prior drug convictions?¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± Mr. Moore asked. ¡°Her history of drug abuse, arrests, and convictions prior to meeting us on Thanksgiving?¡± Tabitha prompted. ¡°Possession as well as misdemeanor theft, I think it was. I mean, hah¡ªdad. Even if she were to miraculously wiggle out of the charges for this time... she¡¯s for sure not keeping custody of the kids. That¡¯s just not happening. Period.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªwho¡¯s telling you all this?¡± Mr. Moore¡¯s frown deepened. ¡°If for one second you believe¡ª¡± ¡°Stop¡ªjust, stop,¡± Tabitha smacked her good hand against the porch railing. ¡°I¡¯m not being misled or brainwashed or persuaded by these other families. I¡ªdad, I seriously need you to wake up. To wake the fuck up. Aunt Lisa isn¡¯t this harmless, well-meaning, country gal. She¡¯s a drug addict, a threat to her family, and the only way we can help her right now is to have her face the legal consequences of everything she¡¯s done.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re talkin¡¯ ¡®bout¡ª¡± Mr. Moore paused. ¡°If you¡¯re talkin¡¯ ¡®bout back when her and your uncle were gettin¡¯ into pot, then¡ª¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m not talking about marijuana, dad,¡± an edge of frustration appeared in Tabitha¡¯s voice. ¡°I¡¯m talking about heroin, I¡¯m talking about serious fucking opiate addiction. Hard drugs, heroin, drugs, the kind that freely rewire Lisa¡¯s brain to prioritize getting her next fix over the other things that should have mattered in her life. Like, ¡®Family.¡¯ Like, her kids. Her fucking future. Dad, just¡­ please. ¡°Wake up. Because¡ªbecause, I can¡¯t do this with you anymore,¡± Tabitha blew out a long breath that turned to vapor in the air. ¡°Ask Springton P.D. about her criminal record. I¡¯m sure Mr. and Mrs. Williams will talk with you about it, if you want. If you don¡¯t or won¡¯t believe them¡ªLisa¡¯s information is public record, you can contact the Kentucky Administrative Office of the Courts, in Frankfort. By mail, or in person. ¡°I¡¯m sure it was really¡ªI¡¯m sure it was something, that you just, that you just believed in her, no matter what,¡± Tabitha shook her head in dismay. ¡°That you saw, uh I guess, that the whole world was just ganging up on poor Lisa and kicking her while she was down, that she needed someone willing to stand up for her, needed someone in her corner. I recognize that this is bigger than just a Lisa issue with you, that you¡¯re seeing this as some larger us versus them thing, where I guess it¡¯s all those people that are just, just looking down on Lisa, judging her strictly because of her apparent social class. ¡°They must not even know what they¡¯re fucking talking about, right?¡± Tabitha let out a bitter laugh. ¡°Nevermind that this is a poor semi-rural Kentucky town in the middle of nowhere, and you¡¯d need to take out a ruler and squint real hard to find the distance in social class between ¡®us and them.¡¯ The Williams family are barely upper middle class at best, the Macintires, the Brooks, the Seelbaughs¡ªfirmly middle class. Grandma Laurie¡ªas far as I know, her and grandpa were right there in middle class when it came to income. You have a solid blue collar job, and if mom worked, if we were a dual income household, we Moores, this immediate family, would not be in poverty. At all.¡± ¡°Tabby honey¡ª¡± Mr. Moore tried to squeeze a word in. ¡°¡ªand, as for them not understanding?!¡± Tabitha continued her tirade, speaking over him. ¡°These other families just not understanding? Dad, Mrs. Macintire lost her brother to substance abuse. These are cop families, they have an intimate understanding of people like Lisa that you, honestly, lack. Can we just¡ªcan we just not have this conversation, not until you¡¯ve at least looked into things? Looked at her criminal record? ¡°Whatever bullshit sob-stories Lisa was feeding you, whatever stubborn beliefs or prayers or whatever it is that¡¯s been making you act this way¡ªjust. Dad, please. Wake up. Wake up, because we¡¯re in serious fucking trouble. We¡¯ve got four boys here that don¡¯t have a mother or father raising them¡ªand no, it¡¯s not something you can just leave for grandma Laurie to deal with indefinitely, she¡¯s supposed to be enjoying her retirement, she¡¯s struggling to manage them as it is! I¡¯m going to do what I can for them, but oh wow, I¡¯m still just fourteen years old. Apparently. Let alone the fact that we apparently have ANOTHER child on the way, and, oh yeah¡ªmom¡¯s doing better but she still needs actual help, actual legitimate therapy that¡¯s way beyond my ability to provide to her. ¡°So¡ªso, you need to please just get your fucking act together and stop fighting me on the stupid Lisa bullshit. Please? It¡¯s insane. I can¡¯t¡ªI can¡¯t do this. I can¡¯t carry this family, we¡¯re not going to make it on just your income and grandma Laurie¡¯s pension, I have, I have medical bills still from all this other stupid bullshit already, it¡¯s going to eat into the settlement money, and just trying to pull us up out of this deep hole we¡¯re in is going to wipe out the rest in no time flat. Joshua, Aiden, Nicholas, Samuel¡ªthey all need to see a dentist soon, and if any of them need braces¡ªI don¡¯t even want to think about what it all might cost! You need to get your head checked for brain tumors, mom was skirting dangerously close to diabetes for years and years, I¡¯m, I¡¯m going back to school after winter break and I, and I¡ªI have no idea what kind of mess that¡¯s even going to be. I just¡ªI can¡¯t even imagine.¡± ¡°Honey, hon hon hon¡ªit¡¯s gonna be okay,¡± Mr. Moore crossed the distance between them and pulled her up into a hug. ¡°S¡¯all gonna be okay, you hear me? I never even thought¡ªwell, Tabby, none of this stuff is anything you should ever be worrying about. Okay?¡± ¡°If I don¡¯t¡ªthen, who will?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°No, seriously. I¡¯m seriously asking that. If I don¡¯t figure all of this out, who is going to? You?¡± ¡°Everything¡¯s gonna work out,¡± Mr. Moore promised. ¡°None of that all¡¯s even anythin¡¯ a girl your age should be stressin¡¯ her head over, alright?¡± ¡°Then¡ªthen, give me something to work with,¡± Tabitha cried. ¡°Dad. Something, anything. Something actionable. Not just praying and hoping for the best¡ªall of this isn¡¯t something we¡¯re gonna just leave for Jesus to take the wheel, okay? Tell me you have a plan for the boys. Show me you¡¯re getting mom psychiatric help for her anxiety. Prove to me, that, that you¡¯re done defending aunt Lisa from the consequences of her own fucking actions.¡± ¡°You¡¯re swearin¡¯ an awful lot nowadays,¡± Mr. Moore remarked with a sigh. ¡°You realize.¡± ¡°Uh, yeah, I¡ª¡± Tabitha sniffled from within his arms. ¡°Gee, I wonder why? Maybe I feel the right expletives help convey the gravity of what I¡¯m trying to say, here? Maybe they help indicate how fucking done with all of this I am? How the weight of all of this bullshit has me constantly on the edge of some kind of nervous breakdown day after day after day. I just want¡ªI just wanted to grow up. Just wanted a normal fucking childhood, to go through and have my teenage years.¡± ¡°I just¡ªTabitha hon, I didn¡¯t want you tryin¡¯ to grow up this fast,¡± Mr. Moore admitted. ¡°Then¡ªplease, then do something,¡± Tabitha pleaded, fighting her way free of his embrace as tears began to overwhelm her all over again. ¡°Then, start fucking helping me! I need, no, we need you to proactively work towards making each of these situations better. Not shrug and hope for the best. Not wait and see. Not tell me that everything¡¯s gonna work out or be fine. Certainly not pointlessly fight me on the Lisa bullshit. This is it, dad. This is your wake up call¡ªplease, fucking wake up. This is the call to action, this is the hero¡¯s call to action that you can not refuse to keep hearing. ¡°All of those years ago, my mother¡ªShannon Delain¡ªcalled upon you to rescue her, and you did. Sort of. You could have done a better job, and yes, I AM the one that¡¯s in a position to criticize. Listen to me, please. Wake up and do something, or you will lose this fucking family. We¡¯re in serious trouble unless you can do something about it. I¡¯m doing what I can, yeah, but every bit of your slack that I pick up will make me despise you, because every bit of that is a bit of trust that¡¯s broken that can never be repaired¡ªevery bit of that erodes my perspective that um, my belief that you are the parent, that you can take care of things and handle this, that this all, that this¡ªthis¡ª¡± The rest of her sentence devolved into sobs, and Tabitha lost herself to hysterical tears. Her father stepped in again with a comforting embrace, and there was even a split-second of turmoil where she was torn between beating her fists against him or jerking back away from him. The moment passed with a mixture of relief and regret, and she simply hunched her shoulders and cried. She¡¯d let out the long rant that had been stifled up in her chest for these past weeks, all of those words had wormed free of her control and were spoken out loud. It wasn¡¯t as cathartic a release as she hoped, and there was even a sense of loss to it all. Even more than the confusing tangle of family ties she had hoped to reinvent, past all the practiced arguments and seething condemnation Tabitha held for her father¡¯s stubbornness, she was realizing she was not an adult anymore. I¡¯m just¡ªNOT, Tabitha¡¯s throat hitched and she let out another small wail as Mr. Moore held her. I¡¯m not. I¡¯m not. I¡¯m really, really not. The idea had been turned over in her mind before and examined from so many angles, but now she simply had to accept that she was not secretly a sixty-year-old woman. She wasn¡¯t a wise woman in the guise of a pretty young thing. It had been a difficult thing to gauge when she could chalk up this or that to being emotionally stunted in her prior lifetime, or brush things off as misunderstandings or assumptions from her past life that were overturned. But, no, Tabitha¡¯s face scrunched up and the wet tears made a mess. No. When I think about it¡ªwhen I REALLY stop and think about it. I have the maturity of a fourteen year old girl. My maturity, my reasoning, control over my emotions¡ªthese have all significantly regressed. Obviously. Tabitha had to wonder if this was something like experiencing brain damage, and having to learn to live with reduced mental facilities. All while still remembering better times, when that had not been the case. Each and every time, every argument, every confrontation here in this new life¡ªI DRASTICALLY overestimated how competent I was going to be, how put together I was going to be through it all. I WAS mentally an adult back in my previous life, and I kept REMINDING MYSELF that I was STILL mentally an adult; when really, I¡¯m just¡­ NOT. There had been so many different ways she had tried to interpret her bizarre circumstances, and most of the time she had leaned towards grown up software attempting to run its system now on teenage hardware. But, that only accounted for some of the conflicts. Really, when she searched back through the cognitive dissonance of everything that had happened in the past half year, the issues were stark. The whole trying to use proper diction thing, Tabitha sniffled. How, how awful and CRINGE is that? And, it still happens! Even here in this ramble I just dropped on my dad it kind of was still happening! Like my language center has been scrambled up with adult memories. Then, there¡¯s how shortsighted and single-minded my whole getting in shape plan was, how I just jumped right into that with tunnel vision and put everything else to the wayside. My weird obsessive compulsion with trying to have the magical makeover montage and impress and be the cool popular kid with friends¡ªOF COURSE that was going to blow up in my face, looking back on it now. All of it, ALL OF IT screams to me that I had all along regressed to my body¡¯s age with my mind and my emotions. It could often seem like she was mature for her age. She knew that all children developed at different rates for an uncountable number of reasons and factors. The memories of that other future that played out did become an enormous obvious factor, she was certain of it. But, she was, right now, still a fourteen year old girl, and that was simply difficult to accept. And, and BECAUSE I¡¯m a fourteen year old girl, at any time in the coming months I¡¯m sure to change my stance on ALL OF THAT, Tabitha tried to let out a bitter laugh, but it came out as an awkward hiccup. I¡¯m sure the next time a whole bunch of stuff happens, I¡¯ll just convince myself that no, ACTUALLY maybe I am secretly an adult all along. ACTUALLY, I am savvy, and sensible, and have it all put together. And, I¡¯ll just keep smugly thinking that, until THIS happens again and all of it falls apart and I have another breakdown, AGAIN. I¡¯m so, SO tired of feeling crazy like this. Feeling like, like such an absolute basket case. I don¡¯t want to know how the future goes anymore. I¡¯m tired of feeling guilty for when I have an unearned advantage, and then I also don¡¯t want to feel responsible for fixing anything anymore. Fixing EVERYTHING. All of these stupid problems I don¡¯t even want to be aware of. I¡¯m honestly just¡ªI¡¯m just sick and tired of it all. Tabitha allowed her father to meekly guide her back inside the apartment, and she washed her face and sat at the table with that familiar vacant, hollow feeling that lingered on each time she went through yet another transformative personal revelation. That these big personal realizations happened so frequently, yet had such little lasting impact on her, only seemed to confirm that she was definitely, absolutely, and unequivocally a stupid melodramatic teenage girl who constantly thought herself much more intelligent than she actually was. Awkward conversation carried on between the real adults at the table without Tabitha¡¯s attention or participation, with yet again even more uncomfortable topics about what was going on with the family avoided like they were the plague. She couldn¡¯t even find it in herself to blame them. Cinnamon rolls were dispensed on plates, and the kitchen and living room became a flurry of activity as the boys each rushed out of their room, Gameboys clutched possessively in hand, to try to monopolize more of the rolls. Tabitha burnt her lip on too-hot melting cinnamon roll icing, because obviously she would¡ªshe was just a stupid teenage girl, and of course that¡¯s what would happen. Mrs. Moore sat close to her and watched her carefully, kept her company throughout the rest of their Christmas gathering, even when Tabitha was in no mood to talk. Tabitha appreciated it, she resented it a little, she felt awkward and guilty and also felt like the two of them needed to talk. They were past due for some long conversations, about so many things, but each and every one of the topics seemed to dance tauntingly just out of reach when Tabitha grasped for them. I think¡­ I really think I preferred feeling nothing at all, Tabitha thought as she stared at her plate. Feeling dumb and childish is just¡­ really unpleasant. But, I¡¯m just a moody teenage girl, so it doesn¡¯t even matter, right? In a matter of hours I¡¯ll fall into some different mental state and be some completely different person. I should probably be on stabilizers, or something. I wonder if nineteen-ninety-eight has the right kind of medications to fix some of what¡¯s wrong with me? The rest of their Christmas brunch passed by her in a blur while she suppressed every emerging insight and new thought with a cruel round of second-guessing and self-deprecating mockery. Tabitha went through the motions of thanking her grandmother for everything, she gave awkward half-hugs and knelt down to accept a crashing pileup group hug from the boys that was a little embarrassing. Mrs. Macintire was called, and before she knew it she was bundling herself up again and collecting the Christmas presents that were hers¡ªshe barely remembered opening them, and scarcely had made time to think about them at all. It would have been impossible for Tabitha to recognize her father¡¯s silence, the deepening frown he now wore, or how unusually pensive the simple man was. She missed registering any of those things, and was out the door and trudging to Sandra¡¯s Acura with her things before there was any chance to notice them. 52, Moving on. It was high time for him to get to the bottom of all this nonsense. Mr. Moore¡¯s truck rumbled down a long, desolate stretch of Fairfield road. This wasn¡¯t the close areas of nearby Fairfield that were on the periphery of his own service area¡ªno sir, this was way out past the other side of the interstate, and then some. Easily a forty minute drive, and one he felt a little guilty for not having taken before. He¡¯d visited his brother when he was still at the local lockup, but after that first week Daniel had been transferred to ¡®county,¡¯ which had existed to Mr. Moore only as a hastily scribbled address beside the note ¡®Danny jail.¡¯ Well, I¡¯ve talked to him on the phone, at least, Mr. Moore scowled as he finally saw the sign he was looking for. Know for sure I¡¯m on his visitations list or what have you. The sign for the county corrections facility teased the end of his trip across Fairfield, but after making the turnoff there was another five minutes of empty road. There wasn¡¯t much of anything out here this way, which of course was the point. The corrections place was isolated, and when he finally arrived at the proper location tall fences appeared and the pavement gave way to a freshly graded gravel road, forcing him to lower his speed for the final stretch. He hadn¡¯t been sure quite what to expect at seeing the place, because his only impressions of prisons or the like were from movies. Rather than historical brick architecture like he remembered from Shawshank Redemption or some Hollywood style of brutalism that made an imposing statement for cameras, this correctional facility was¡ªwell, it looked pretty bland and boring. Boxy two-story concrete structures painted white, simple as could be, and with no adorning features or decorations to speak of. There were no hedges, no shrubs, nothing at all that could impede visibility; nowhere to hide or sneak about, obviously. It looked like the unloved offspring of a down-on-its luck community college and a military base. Further slowing his vehicle as he approached a gatehouse, Alan rolled down his window. A black woman in a coat was waiting there with the window slid open for him. ¡°Hey there,¡± Alan greeted. ¡°Alan Moore, here ¡®bout seein¡¯ my brother. Daniel Moore?¡± ¡°Visitation?¡± The woman asked. ¡°Yes ma¡¯am.¡± ¡°Have you visited before?¡± ¡°Nope, first time,¡± Alan admitted with a pang of guilt. ¡°Do you know if you¡¯ve been put on your inmate¡¯s visitor list?¡± ¡°Well yeah, I sure should be, he said I was,¡± Alan nodded. ¡°From what he was sayin¡¯, I didn¡¯t need to call in an appointment or nothin¡¯, I could just show up?¡± ¡°Within hours here you can, we will still need you to fill out a visitor¡¯s application,¡± the woman informed him. She paused to grab a clipboard from atop a filing cabinet and then leaned out to pass it to him through the window. It was a simple affair, asking for his name, address, phone number, whether or not he was a convicted felon or had been incarcerated before, whether or not he had outstanding warrants, had protective orders, was on probation or parole. It only took him a few moments jotting down all the answers as he braced the clipboard against his steering wheel, and then he passed it back over. ¡°Alright sir, thank you,¡± The woman glanced it over. ¡°If you have some form of I.D. then, this should only take a minute or two.¡± ¡°Sure, yeah,¡± Alan rose up in his seat so he could fish his wallet out of his back pocket. After providing his license, the woman took it and closed the window, sitting back down and clicking away at a computer on her desk. It was interesting seeing computers popping up everywhere nowadays, but he supposed that was just the direction the century was heading. He¡¯d heard library card indexes were already going the way of the dodo-bird, and before too long just about everybody would be using computerized databases and learning programs and systems and all the jargon and technical-nonsense that went with it. Computers¡ªbet Tabitha already knows all that stuff by now, Mr. Moore thought to himself. She for sure had that typing class in¡ªwhat was it, sixth grade? Sure as heck remember her bitchin¡¯ and moanin¡¯ ¡®bout it, we were all laughin¡¯ up a storm. They had her her typin¡¯ out ¡®A SAD DAD AS A LAD¡­somethin¡¯ somethin¡¯ ALFALFA FALLS AS A FLASK.¡¯ Hah! All those silly ones they had ¡®em when they¡¯re first learnin¡¯ the right finger keys. And, they were all using computers instead of typewriters, already! Shannon took that kinda course as an elective¡ªback in my day, I don¡¯t even remember if it was offered at all. Nowadays, I think they have computer labs for all of the kids. ¡°Alrighty sir, here you go,¡± the woman slid the window open and passed him back his ID. ¡°Visitor parking is right down there and on your left. You¡¯ll want to go straight in through the doors there, and they¡¯ll check you in. Alright?¡± ¡°Sounds good to me,¡± Alan slid his license back into his wallet. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Yep yep,¡± The woman said. She reached up and hit a button or a switch of some kind, and then the tall chainlink fence gate started to roll away. It didn¡¯t have a loud accompanying loud buzz or anything like it should have from movies, but all the same Alan rolled up his window and started the truck forward again. There wasn¡¯t a yard full of hardened inmates in jumpsuits he could gawk at, nor were there stern guard officers patrolling about with shotguns out¡ªhis first look at a correctional facility was a pretty boring one. Routines and procedures and common-sense security stuff just didn¡¯t make for entertaining television, Mr. Moore surmised. He parked in the nearly empty lot, shut off his engine, and stepped down out of the truck. He made his way over through the double-doors of the clearly labeled visitor¡¯s center, and the counters and waiting room there might as well have been borrowed over directly from a dentist¡¯s office, because he couldn¡¯t rightly see any differences. ¡°Hi there, here about seein¡¯ Danny Moore?¡± ¡°Sure thing,¡± an overweight balding man at the counter said. ¡°Have you been here before?¡± ¡°First time visiting,¡± Alan said with a frown. Well, it turned out they asked that for a reason, and now Alan discovered there was a whole big spiel to go through about what was and wasn¡¯t allowed. There was a dress code policy, he couldn¡¯t bring in his car keys or any jewelry save for his wedding band, he had to consent to a brief pat down, and et cetera. He nodded along as the man covered all the relevant points, realizing what he was wearing seemed fine¡ªhe could turn out his pockets and just find his keys and wallet. The rest of the measures seemed to be just to ensure sensible attire that wasn¡¯t inappropriate, or the likes of which that would be easy to smuggle contraband inside. Nothing he had to worry about, he was a simple man and here with a clean conscience. A younger officer came out for the search, which was just a brief check as the guy tapped his hands across Alan¡¯s pants and shirt and felt around what must have been likely places to conceal things. No rubber gloves came out, no one asked him to drop his pants or turn his head and cough, so after a brief awkward moment he was declared fit to visit, and then¡ªwell, then the wheels of bureaucracy within the county department of corrections here lurched into motion and it was time to wait. Ten minutes passed, and then twenty, and Mr. Moore passed the time away between disinterested perusal of a Health and Lifestyle magazine he found on the corner table, and bored glances at the wall-mounted clock. An older woman came in, probably some inmate¡¯s mother, and Mr. Moore was in for a treat and got to overhear the same exact speech about visitation policy recited, all over again. He was contemplating crossing his arms, leaning back some in the chair, and attempting a quick nap, when an officer finally came out and called his name. The corrections officer led him down a hallway and into a large room full of tables that might have served as a canteen or cafeteria, save for the fact there was no attached kitchen, no vending machines, just a row of tables with an office overlooking them through a glass window. An inmate and a woman were chatting on the far side, and then right here before him on this side his brother Danny was waiting for him. Rather than the iconic orange prison jumpsuit Mr. Moore had imagined, or even something stereotypical like black and white stripes, the attire here seemed a lot more like the navy-blue scrubs a nurse or doctor would wear. Danny was much more pale than he remembered, his hair was cut short but not styled, and his incarceration so far had perhaps made his familiar figure a bit more lean. ¡°Hey, Al,¡± Danny remarked, gesturing for him to take a seat. ¡°Damn, this sure is a surprise. Thought you¡¯d all forgotten all about me.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Alan chuckled, still looking around. ¡°Thought there¡¯d be some, I dunno. Some kinda glass partition ¡®tween us, to where we havta talk to each other through a phone, and all that jazz.¡± ¡°That¡¯s uh, yeah, that¡¯s no-contact visitation,¡± Danny gave him a sober nod. ¡°Think that¡¯s just for the real fuckups. It¡¯s usually just like this¡ªor, so I hear. Nobody¡¯s exactly lining up to come visit your poor l¡¯il brother.¡± ¡°Good to see you, Danny,¡± Alan stepped in and leaned over the table to give his brother a handshake and clap his shoulder. ¡°How you holdin¡¯ up?¡± ¡°Same shit, different day,¡± Danny shrugged. ¡°This here¡¯ll be the most exciting thing that¡¯s happened all month. So¡ªwhat¡¯s up? What¡¯s goin¡¯ on?¡± ¡°Well,¡± Alan eased himself down into the seat across from his brother. ¡°Actually, came to talk to you about Lisa.¡± ¡°Aw, fuck,¡± Danny swore. ¡°The fuck¡¯s she done now?¡± ¡°Have you heard any¡ª¡± Mr. Moore paused. ¡°How much of what all¡¯s goin¡¯ on outside have you heard about?¡± ¡°Absolutely zip,¡± Danny shook his head. ¡°She hasn¡¯t visited me not even once, yet. Figures.¡± ¡°Christ,¡± Mr. Moore swore. ¡°So¡ªso, you haven¡¯t heard anything about her at all?¡± ¡°That¡¯s what I just said, yes,¡± Danny gave him that familiar look of irritation. ¡°So?¡± ¡°So¡­ Lisa¡¯s gotten herself into some trouble,¡± Alan finally admitted. ¡°They think she was gettin¡¯ herself into heroin.¡± ¡°Yeah, no shit she¡¯s into heroin,¡± Danny rolled his eyes. ¡°Everybody knew that, damn.¡± ¡°She¡ª¡± Mr. Moore froze. ¡°Danny, what the hell are you talking about?¡± ¡°God damn,¡± Danny laughed, leaning back in his seat and putting a hand over his head. ¡°Brother of mine¡ªyou are such a dumbfuck. It¡ªto this day, it continues to just blow my mind. Jesus Christ.¡± ¡°So, so¡ªyou knew about this?¡± Mr. Moore demanded, incredulous. ¡°Danny¡ªyou guys have kids, what in the hell were you thinking?¡± ¡°Hah, the kids,¡± Danny shook his head. ¡°How are they, by the way? Good? Okay?¡± ¡°What the hell were you thinking?¡± ¡°We were thinking¡ªwe were thinking it¡¯s nobody¡¯s business but ours what we do,¡± Danny gave him an expressive shrug. ¡°The fuck do you want me to say? We weren¡¯t shooting up right there in front of them. S¡¯private time shit, and all that. They go outside and play, they go and play their video games, they didn¡¯t never see a thing. They¡¯re fuckin¡¯ kids, what do they care?¡± ¡°But, but¡ª¡± Alan didn¡¯t even know what to say to that. ¡°Danny¡ª¡± ¡°So, what¡¯s the problem?¡± Danny cut him off. ¡°What kind of trouble¡¯d she get herself into? Warrant out for her arrest, she run off? She locked up? What¡¯s goin¡¯ on?¡±
¡°An¡¯ then he just says¡ªyeah she¡¯s into heroin,¡± Mr. Moore still appeared absolutely flummoxed. ¡°As if it¡¯s no big deal. Just¡ªyep, she sure was. I don¡¯t understand it! I don¡¯t understand it.¡± Mrs. Williams had been thrilled when the man had called and asked if they had a copy of Lisa¡¯s record and transcripts. Finally, progress bringing the dolt around! She had whirled off to the police station right away. Bustling through with the usual cordial hellos and thank yous and see you soons after borrowing their big photocopier, she had a stapled sheath of paper to present to the bewildered man when she arrived at his mobile home. They were sitting now at the tiny dining room table the Moores had, and she was trying to help him process all of this. It wasn¡¯t ever going to be an easy thing to come around to, and he¡¯d barely done more than glance through the papers she¡¯d brought¡ªMr. Moore had driven out to see his brother at county, who had simply confirmed that yes, Lisa was into heroin. Both of them had been. We were definitely on the wrong track trying to get through to him, Mrs. Williams wanted to shake her head in dismay. No amount of reports or convictions or statements were gonna mean a thing to him. To him, all of that is noise, bureaucratic noise, and in fact I imagine he immediately distrusts all that. He went and had to go talk to FAMILY. That¡¯s the only thing that was gonna settle it, in his books. Apparently. It was hard not to remember how family had become a swear word on the lips of that panicking little girl in her car all those nights ago. ¡°I don¡¯t understand it,¡± Mr. Moore shook his head again, looking lost. ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Williams cleared her throat. ¡°Was there a¡ªa why, was there some reason your brother and his wife were getting into that whole mess?¡± ¡°Just because they could,¡± Mr. Moore shrugged. ¡°Because they wanted to. ¡®Parently, this old boss of his from this place he used to work¡ªmovin¡¯ furniture¡ªthey¡¯d go and get high or do drugs or all that, just for the hell of it. I don¡¯t understand it.¡± ¡°Well, maybe it¡¯s for the best that we don¡¯t understand it,¡± Mrs. Williams frowned. ¡°So, you think it might be this old employer of his, that got them into these things? Was this in Springton?¡± ¡°Sandboro,¡± Mr. Moore grunted. ¡°They were, you know¡ªmovers, sorta. Had a big ol¡¯ box truck, delivered furniture, counters, the big home appliances or what have you. On call for big fridges, storage freezers, AC units too. They weren¡¯t hippies or nothin,¡¯ he said they weren¡¯t shady, or anything like that. I guess the one guy was a Vietnam veteran, couple of the others were just honest folk who needed work¡ªbut they were just¡­ doin¡¯ heroin, like it was¡ªlike it was just gettin¡¯ together for beer with the boys. Heroin.¡± ¡°Do you have the name of the business?¡± Mrs. Williams whipped a small notepad out of her purse and flipped through several pages of lists¡ªgroceries, cookie ingredients (in case someone had one of those dreadful allergies), thank you cards from Christmas, everyone¡¯s availability for a Methodist Men¡¯s retreat she wanted to put together¡ªuntil finding a blank page. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s been years since he worked there, but¡ªBluegrass Moving? Bluegrass Movers, something like that,¡± Mr. Moore recalled. ¡°Somethin¡¯ Bluegrass. In Sandboro.¡± ¡°Maybe they¡¯ll be able to do something with that!¡± Mrs. Williams smiled, feeling like quite the detective. ¡°Anything helps! Lord knows we don¡¯t want all this mess happening to anyone else.¡± ¡°I just¡­ I can¡¯t believe it,¡± Mr. Moore murmured to himself all over again. ¡°My brother¡¯s smart. Way smarter¡¯n all of that. I don¡¯t understand it. I don¡¯t understand how he could get himself mixed up in all of those kinds of things.¡± ¡°Have you talked to Tabitha about this yet?¡± Mrs. Williams asked. ¡°She already knew!¡± Mr. Moore exclaimed. ¡°She knew all that way before I did. She was sayin¡¯ to me Christmas morning, how I needed to get a hold of either you, or call up this, this, Kentucky administrative office of the courts, to get all the stuff ¡®bout Lisa. Some place in Frankfort.¡± Ooh, nice one, Sandy! Mrs. Williams couldn¡¯t help but feel tickled at that. ¡°It¡¯s all crazy,¡± Mr. Moore said in a daze. ¡°I do think you should call Tabitha,¡± Mrs. Williams urged him. ¡°I think you need to talk to your wife about all of this, as well.¡± ¡°My wife?¡± Mr. Moore asked with a distracted look. ¡°No, no¡ªshe was sayin¡¯ it too. She was against Lisa just about from the start.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not what I mean,¡± Mrs. Williams shook her head. ¡°This isn¡¯t about who was right and who was wrong, this isn¡¯t an I told you so. You¡¯ve said to me ¡®I can¡¯t understand it¡¯ and ¡®I can¡¯t believe it¡¯ dozens and dozens of times since I sat down! You need time to process what all just happened, dear, and your partner is the one you need to do that with.¡± Mr. Moore stared at her, and for a long moment Mrs. Williams wondered if she was getting through to him. ¡°Let me put it this way¡ª¡± Mrs. Williams closed her notepad and tossed it back into the depths of her purse. ¡°You¡¯re in shock. You just had someone very close to you¡ªyour brother¡ªreveal that he has betrayed your trust. In a major way! Likewise, this Lisa woman seems to have spouted off all kinds of nonsense, and it looks as though she was trying to take advantage of you. You¡¯re in shock, and also you¡¯re grieving¡ªthis whole mess happened very close to home for you, and jail time aside, you¡¯ve lost family, close family, because they gave themselves over to drugs! ¡°You¡¯re lost, and in shock, and grieving, and you need time to process all of this!¡± Mrs. Williams summed it all up. ¡°I know you just started goin¡¯ to the Methodist church with us. If you¡¯d been with the group longer, I¡¯d say if you were closer to the men there, you would go to them for support. You still can! I¡¯m sure they¡¯d all help you work through everything you¡¯ve got going on, here. If there¡¯s someone else¡ªI don¡¯t know if you have close people you work with, or someone like that you would talk to about all of this to help you work through all of it. But, the place to start is at home¡ªyour wife, Tabitha, your mother Laurie, even those boys! Because, all of them are going through this, too. Listening to what they have to say about it might do more than hearing strangers share what they¡¯ve been through. Do you see what I¡¯m trying to say, here?¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡­ yeah,¡± Mr. Moore frowned. ¡°I just¡­ hell, I don¡¯t even know where to start, right now. Tabitha sure as hell don¡¯t want to talk to me.¡± ¡°She may not want to talk to you,¡± Mrs. Williams rose, crossing over to the kitchen and grabbing the Moore¡¯s handset phone from its receiver. ¡°But, you know what¡ªnot calling her about all this? Might be a lot worse. Maybe even just an apology and telling her that you love her, and that would be a good start if she¡¯s not ready to get into more with you, right now.¡±
¡°Ughh it¡¯s a stupid bat thing again,¡± Hannah groaned, letting her head fall back on the couch cushion again. ¡°It¡¯s all stupid bats and dumb Geodudes, and I can¡¯t even find the way out!¡± ¡°You¡¯re still in that cave? You can just start running away from battles,¡± Tabitha advised. ¡°You don¡¯t have to fight every single encounter.¡± You might run out of PP for your decent attack moves if you¡¯re in there for too long. ¡°I know,¡± Hannah sighed, and the sound effects of Hannah¡¯s Pikachu knocking out a Zubat in one hit was apparent from across the room. ¡°It¡¯s just annoying.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Tabitha quirked her lip in a small smile and dropped her voice to a whisper. ¡°There¡¯s a secret rare Pokemon you might encounter if you¡¯re in Mount Moon battling for long enough!¡± ¡°Really?¡± Hannah looked up from her Gameboy color. ¡°Which one?¡± ¡°Clefairy!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Like I said though, they¡¯re very rare and they might be hard to catch.¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna get one,¡± Hannah narrowed her eyes, returning her attention to the little screen. ¡°Clefairy, Clefairy, Clefairy¡­¡± Walking the young girl through the early parts of the Pokemon Yellow she¡¯d received for Christmas was fun, but Tabitha worried Hannah wouldn¡¯t have the patience to deal with some of the more frustrating stretches of the game. Certainly not if she kept turning up her nose at Pokemon she thought were ugly¡ªHannah was picky, and because of this, she was already as far as Mt. Moon and still couldn¡¯t fill a roster of six monsters. She had her starting Pikachu, a Pidgey, and a Sandshrew with no HP left, because Hannah had caught it just before entering the cave. She might actually wipe out, Tabitha fretted. When I noticed she was stuck in there for a while, I asked her if she¡¯d found a hole with a ladder in it¡ªshe said she didn¡¯t want to go down further, so she kept looking for another way through. There ISN¡¯T another way! She has to use the passages to get through the mountain. Though she was looking forward to seeing how her four cousins were faring with their game files, Tabitha¡¯s own game had become a total chore shortly after she completed her competitive team. EV-Training wasn¡¯t exactly a thing in the first few generations, and she did feel fortunate to have remembered that. But, there was still base stat experience to grind, which would update when she used the PC storage box trick, since her monsters could no longer level. The fact of the matter was that base stat training was miserable tedious and boring, but Tabitha could only blame herself for burning through the actual game content in just a few nights with ridiculously overpowered monsters. It¡¯ll be worth it, Tabitha told herself. Plus, it satisfies that craving for PROGRESSION, which is a must because it feels like my life is standing still right now. Can¡¯t run or jog, can¡¯t properly work out, and aside from storybook time, Hannah has been completely consumed by playing her Pokemon game. So¡ªfor now I¡¯ve sidelined a lot of the other activities and fun stuff to do. Don¡¯t want to dampen her enthusiasm for this while it¡¯s still so fresh and fierce! She¡¯s adorable. Tabitha was just preparing to scooch closer on the sofa and offer Hannah some sisterly suggestions when the Macintire¡¯s phone rang. It was cut short after just the one tone, likely Officer Macintire picking up the other handset from in the master bedroom, and so Tabitha paid it no mind. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Darren Macintire yelled out. ¡°S¡¯your dad on the line¡ªshould I tell him you¡¯re here, or should I tell him you¡¯re out?¡± ¡°I¡¯m here!¡± Tabitha answered with a wry smile, touched that the man would ask that. ¡°I¡¯ll get it.¡± Bouncing up from the living room couch, Tabitha crossed past the dining room table and to the counter that separated the dining room from the kitchen. The main phone dock was there where it could be reached easily from either side, and Tabitha retrieved the white handset and thumbed the talk button to connect to the active line. ¡°Macintire residence, Tabitha Moore speaking,¡± Tabitha stated in her neutral tone. ¡°Hey honey, it¡¯s me,¡± Mr. Moore said, pausing as with a rustle and click officer Macintire hung up his receiver. ¡°You okay to talk?¡± ¡°I¡¯m listening,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°Well¡­¡± her father trailed off for a moment. ¡°I drove out to see yer uncle Danny. Had a talk with him ¡®bout this whole everything that¡¯s goin¡¯ on.¡± ¡°That¡¯s good,¡± Tabitha remained distant and polite. ¡°I¡¯m sure he was happy to see you.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªyeah, yeah,¡± Mr. Moore let out a nervous laugh. ¡°I¡¯d been meanin¡¯ to all this time, just. I asked ¡®im about Lisa, and about the drug stuff, and. All of that nonsense. Turns out¡­ you were right, honey. ¡®Bout him. Lisa, too. They were both mixed up in all of that after all.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha responded. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± The confirmation¡ªand her dad conceding that he had been wrong¡ªdidn¡¯t fill her with validation like she had fantasized it would. The righteous indignation, the raw, livid anger at being wronged wasn¡¯t there either, and all that was left was a bit of disappointment. She was just so over it. All of it. She was done, she felt nothing, and she wanted all of them to put this whole stupid episode behind them so that she could forget about it. ¡°You¡¯re sorry?¡± Mr. Moore asked, sounding confused. ¡°I know how difficult that must have been to hear that,¡± Tabitha tried to console him with a bitter smile. ¡°It¡¯s never an easy thing to find out. Mrs. Macintire lost her brother to opiate abuse¡ªI think we can be thankful that Danny and Lisa were caught before things got worse and they lost their lives. I wouldn¡¯t want that hanging over the kids. We do need to let the authorities handle uncle Danny and aunt Lisa, now. We can¡¯t help them, they need professional help. To be absolutely clear on that. One day maybe they¡¯ll thank us for it, I just¡ªyeah, don¡¯t expect that to be anytime soon.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°Yeah, I guess so.¡± A long, uncomfortable silence followed, with seconds elapsing one after the other and nothing said between them. The call was still connected, but Tabitha had given him the pre-prepared spiel she¡¯d practiced in her head, and she just didn¡¯t have anything else. The mess of raw feelings were tamped down for now and nothing she wanted to dredge back up and sort through right now, so she didn¡¯t have any more words to volunteer. ¡°Are you still mad at me?¡± Mr. Moore finally asked. ¡°No,¡± Tabitha blurted out a lie on reflex and immediately regretted it. ¡°Maybe. I need some time. I need some time, okay?¡± ¡°I get it, honey,¡± Mr. Moore sounded apologetic. ¡°I was wrong, and¡ªI was wrong. That¡¯s all there is to it. I was wrong. About a lot of things, there. Guess I was too close to see what all was happening like I should have. So¡­ I wanted to say I¡¯m sorry. For everything, there. It¡¯s okay if you¡¯re mad at me. I¡¯m mad at me, I sure screwed up there. I don¡¯t know how I missed all the signs, there. Especially with Danny. Guess I didn¡¯t want to see ¡®em¡ªI refused to.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha found herself choking up. ¡°Let¡¯s just¡ªput all of it past us. If you c-can, if you can give me some time and some space. I want to just forgive you and have things between us just go back to the way they were, but, but¡ªyeah, my feelings don¡¯t work like that, I can¡¯t just choose to flip a switch. It¡ªit really, really hurts that you didn¡¯t trust me. That you couldn¡¯t listen to me. That¡ªsorry. Sorry, I just¡ªsorry. I do love you, dad. I love you. But, I¡¯ve gotta go. Bye.¡± She hung up decisively before he could contribute any parting words, and a small sob slipped out as she lost control again. The phone still awkwardly clutched in her good hand, she lifted her arm until she could hide her face in her sleeve, immediately discovering she was a mess of tears. A ragged breath drew in and she slowly exhaled, fighting to regain control. There was a sudden jolt as a seven-year-old Hannah smacked into her out of nowhere and latched both arms around her in a fearsome hug, and Tabitha carefully held the girl against her with her hand that was still trapped in the fiberglass cast. ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Tabitha laughed, wiping her face and trying to smile. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ okay. Sorry.¡± ¡°You¡¯re okay?¡± Hannah demanded. ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± Tabitha said again. ¡°I just¡ªit¡¯s over with, want to just put it behind us and move on, already. I want¡ªHannah, I want cookies, right now. How do you feel about baking cookies with me?¡±
¡°What is it?! Quasimodo asked nervousoly,¡± Hannah exclaimed. ¡°No one¡ª¡± ¡°Nervously,¡± Tabitha corrected in a gentle voice. ¡°Nervoush¡ªNer-vous-oly,¡± Hannah sounded it out with a giggle. ¡°Nervousoly.¡± ¡°Nervous¡ªly,¡± Tabitha enunciated. ¡°Nervously,¡± Hannah repeated. ¡°I knew that! It just sounded wrong either way, ¡®cause that¡¯s when you keep saying it and it just starts sounding wrong. Duh. Nervously, nervous-oly!¡± ¡°I do know what you mean,¡± Tabitha said with a small smile. ¡°Continue, though!¡± ¡°¡®What is it?¡¯ Quasimodo asked nervously.¡± Hannah recited. ¡°No one had ever paid attention to him, in his whole life!¡± ¡°Esmerelda pointed to a line on his hand,¡± Tabitha read out her part from memory and extended her palm and pursed her lips over it as if she was the gypsy reading it. ¡°¡®See this? This line shows that you will live a long life. And, this one tells me that you are shy.¡¯ She hesitated. ¡®But, I don¡¯t see a single monster line!¡¯¡± ¡°Hesitated,¡± Hannah echoed in question. ¡°Hesitated means she paused¡ªshe took a moment to stop for a bit, before continuing,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Hesitate, hesitated. Maybe if you¡¯re you¡¯re swimming with friends and see a girl who¡¯s scared to um, scared of getting in the shallow end of a pool for the first time; you could tell her she doesn¡¯t have to hesitate, and that it¡¯s safe for her to go right on in.¡± ¡°Hesitate,¡± Hannah tried the word out again. ¡°I knew that one. I just forgot.¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t we wrap up here for now,¡± Tabitha suggested, closing the book. ¡°Do you like reading ones that are above your grade level?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°It¡¯s like we¡¯re playing out the movie¡ªI keep picturing it all out like that. It¡¯s fun.¡± ¡°A little sleepy?¡± ¡°A little,¡± Hannah said. ¡°The cookies made me sleepy.¡± ¡°Me too!¡± Tabitha confessed. ¡°They were good, though.¡± ¡°Yeah, really good. We should always make cookies. Like, all the time.¡± ¡°I wish I could,¡± Tabitha combed a strand of Hannah¡¯s hair away from her face. ¡°But¡ªthen I¡¯d get fat!¡± ¡°So what?¡± Hannah countered. ¡°Cookies would be worth it. Ice cream. Cake.¡± ¡°You stop being mean to poor old Tabby,¡± Tabitha ruffled the little girl¡¯s hair. ¡°Poor old Tabby has to watch her weight, and it¡¯s sooo hard to do when there¡¯s bottomless pits like you around.¡± ¡°Sundaes,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Smoothies. Milkshakes!¡± ¡°You don¡¯t even like smoothies!¡± Tabitha lunged in to tickle the girl. ¡°You were all like ew ew ew it¡¯s got FRUIT GUTS in it!¡± ¡°Ewwww fruit guts!!¡± Hannah squirmed and thrashed away from Tabitha in a fit of giggles and then scampered across the living room from her and out of range. ¡°Fruit guts are just gross.¡± ¡°But you¡¯ll bite into an apple, and that¡¯s fine?!¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°It¡¯s the same thing!¡± ¡°Totally different,¡± Hannah denied it. ¡°Smoothies are gross.¡± ¡°I think I know something we can make with the blender tomorrow!¡± Tabitha quirked her lip and pantomimed having a sudden thought. ¡°Why don¡¯t we make some smoo¡ª¡± ¡°Ewww no!¡± Hannah protested with a smile, crashing back in to hug Tabitha. ¡°Noooo, I don¡¯t wanna do smoothies. Tabby¡ªthey¡¯re gross.¡± ¡°Okay, okay, no fruit smoothies,¡± Tabitha patted Hannah on the back. ¡°But¡­ have you ever tried¡­ vegetable smoothies?!¡± ¡°Ewwww ewwww!¡± Hannah squealed in disgust. ¡°There¡¯s no such thing!¡± ¡°Oh ho ho, there is so! You¡¯ll see!¡± Tabitha started guiding Hannah back towards her room. ¡°You¡¯ll see.¡± ¡°Bleeghhh,¡± Hannah doubled over, pretending that she was hurling. ¡°Bluh¡ªbluh¡ªbluwhhhhhh!¡± ¡°Okay, okay, don¡¯t lose all your cookies,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°We worked too hard on those cookies for you to just throw them all up! Let¡¯s get your teeth brushed. Do we need to floss tonight?¡± ¡°Hmmm¡ª¡± Hannah hesitated, working her mouth and running her tongue across her teeth. ¡°Maybe?¡± ¡°Did something get stuck?¡± Tabitha asked as they traversed down the hallway towards their shared bathroom. ¡°Should I take a look?¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Hannah said. ¡°I¡¯ll brush first and see.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t want something super sugary eating away at your teeth overnight!¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah put on a grave face. ¡°That¡¯d be bad. Tabby?¡± ¡°Yes, Hannah Banana?¡± ¡°You¡¯re¡ª¡± Hannah paused. ¡°You¡¯re not going to go back and live with your parents, are you?¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha hummed, hugging Hannah. ¡°Not right away.¡± ¡°You can just stay here,¡± Hannah pointed out. ¡°For like¡ªforever.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I cried in front of you. I should have gone into the other room for that.¡± ¡°No!¡± Hannah said. ¡°You¡¯re allowed to. It¡¯s okay if you do. It¡¯s not even your fault! It¡¯s your parent¡¯s fault. Mom said so.¡± ¡°She did not say so,¡± Tabitha gave Hannah a squeeze. ¡°We¡¯ve all been very careful about what we say about all of that around you. Because, those are grown up problems you shouldn¡¯t have to worry about.¡± ¡°Well, she said it to dad,¡± Hannah scoffed. ¡°I still heard it. I¡¯m not five years old, I know what¡¯s going on.¡± ¡°You¡¯re seven, Hannah.¡± ¡°Seven¡¯s almost eight!¡± ¡°If they were fun, interesting things, we¡¯d have told you all about them,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°But, they¡¯re not fun. They¡¯re serious and boring and they make everyone sad. These parenting and family issues, they¡¯re complicated and stuffy topics you don¡¯t want to hear about, trust me. They¡¯re the vegetable smoothies of stuff to talk about!¡± ¡°Vegetable smoothies aren¡¯t real,¡± Hannah refused to accept it. ¡°That¡¯s gross.¡± ¡°Do I need to prove it to you tomorrow?¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°Ew, no way,¡± Hannah huffed. ¡°Gross.¡± ¡°Are you sure? I think I heard that they¡¯re really good for you!¡± ¡°Tabby,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Just stay here and live with us.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not leaving anytime soon,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°I promise.¡± ¡°No, I mean like¡ªstay forever.¡± ¡°It¡¯s only forever¡ªnot long at all,¡± Tabitha sang in a soft voice. ¡°The lost and lonely¡ªthat¡¯s underground, undergrouuund!¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªI mean it.¡± ¡°I know you do,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It means the world to me! But, at some point I do think I do need to go back, when I¡¯m not so cross at my father anymore. My own mom, I worry that she¡¯s falling apart without me. I don¡¯t think she¡¯s been handling it well over there.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Hannah said, furrowing her brow. ¡°But, no matter what, it¡¯s not like I¡¯ll just be gone for good,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I think when your dad is feeling all better, and things are more normal around the house here, I¡¯ll just start feeling like I¡¯m in the way around here.¡± ¡°You won¡¯t be,¡± Hannah shook her head and her little ponytail bounced with the movement. ¡°Ever, at all.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha gave her a second squeeze. ¡°Now¡ªgo brush up! Brush brush brush!¡± Confident that Hannah was well versed in how to properly brush her teeth, Tabitha left her to her own devices in the bathroom. Spending time with her little ward was incredibly therapeutic, and she felt a lot better than she did after the call with her father. But, at the same time, it was sobering to see Hannah¡¯s worry for her creep in past their giggles and playful banter. There was so much of her life right now that was just a big mess, and though it was selfish, Tabitha just didn¡¯t want those realities infringing on her time with Hannah. She¡¯s getting way too attached to me, Tabitha thought with a bitter smile as she crossed the house, heading towards the master bedroom. And, that obviously cuts both ways. Deeply. ¡°Knock knock knock?¡± Tabitha called through the door, unwilling to actually rap her knuckle against it. ¡°May I¡ªwould it be alright if I speak with¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯re decent, come on in,¡± Mrs. Macintire yelled in amusement. ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said, awkwardly opening the door and trying not to stare. The TV in there was on, but she wasn¡¯t sure the married couple was even watching¡ªthey were cuddled up together on the bed in a way that seemed too intimate for her to be intruding on. It was another ¡®maybe this is normal¡¯ aspect of families Tabitha was trying to come to terms with. Her own mother and father had been affectionate in front of her so rarely that anything beyond a platonic hug seemed downright scandalous to her ingrained sensibilities. ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I was wondering if I could ask for time off tomorrow afternoon?¡± ¡°Uh-oh, check her pay stubs,¡± Officer Macintire snorted. ¡°Make sure she¡¯s got all her hours in, check an¡¯ see that she hasn¡¯t used up her days off already.¡± ¡°Oh, stop,¡± Mrs. Macintire slapped his exposed chest. Tabitha¡¯s eyes went a little wide at that¡ªbut the hand was safe, landing on his pectoral and not hitting too close to where a bullet had ripped through his sternum. Seeing the smack still made her jumpy, though, and she quickly looked away. Arriving at exactly the wrong conclusion, Mrs. Macintire seemed to smirk and pull the bedcover up a bit more to cover her husband¡¯s bare upper body. No, it¡¯s¡ªit REALLY isn¡¯t that, please don¡¯t give me that smug look. ¡°I was hoping to spend time with Elena,¡± Tabitha said, clearing her throat. ¡°After some of what happened there with the um, the Julie thing. I haven¡¯t been able to speak with her or clear that up, and I didn¡¯t want to go through all of that over the phone.¡± ¡°That¡¯s fine,¡± Mrs. Macintire agreed. ¡°Will you need a lift over there?¡± ¡°I think her mom should be able to pick me up,¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°I¡¯ll call and make sure it¡¯s okay to visit, though. If that¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°Of course, of course,¡± Sandra smiled. ¡°Hannah can survive somehow without you for a day. Might be good to remind her that she has her parents she can spend time with, too.¡± ¡°You could watch Kiki¡¯s Delivery Service with her,¡± Tabitha suggested. ¡°It¡¯s the cartoon I got her for Christmas. I think she¡¯d be thrilled to share it with you.¡± ¡°There she goes again, talking like a duchess,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°It¡¯s completely fine, Tabitha. You didn¡¯t even really have to ask. When you need time to do things with your friends, that¡¯s important, too. You are not our servant, okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just worried,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Hannah¡¯s grown very attached to me. She¡¯s¡­ afraid I¡¯m going to go back to live with my parents.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just as afraid of that as she is,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, giving her a look. ¡°Both of us are. Because¡ªflaws or not, they are your parents, and if and when you want to go, there¡¯s nothing we can do to stop you.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha opened her mouth to respond to that, but she didn¡¯t know how to respond to that, so no words came out. ¡°Um.¡± ¡°You love them, but you can¡¯t stand them,¡± Officer Macintire summed things up for her. ¡°¡®Specially not now, I¡¯d bet. You take all the time you need, okay Tabitha?¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha let out a breath she hadn¡¯t realized she was holding in. ¡°Her dad called today,¡± Officer Macintire twisted a bit on the bed to face his wife. ¡°For Tabby.¡± This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. ¡°To apologize? Or¡ª?¡± Mrs. Macintire didn¡¯t try to conceal her scowl. ¡°I forgot to listen in, my show was on,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled. ¡°He¡­ did apologize,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°He¡¯s coming to terms with Lisa being. An addict. I think. I just¡ªI think I need more time.¡± ¡°Well, don¡¯t look at us, we¡¯re not about to shove you out the door,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, resting her arm on her husband¡¯s shoulder. ¡°You¡¯re welcome to stay here for as long as you want, I mean it. We never knew how much we needed someone here helping with Hannah.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°Really¡ªthank you both so much.¡± ¡°Great!¡± Mrs. Macintire gave her a knowing smile. ¡°Now quit ogling my husband!¡±
After a quick phone call, an outing with Elena at the Sandboro mall was arranged. Few words were exchanged with Elena herself over the phone, which was worrying for Tabitha because her friend¡¯s tone voice was difficult to read into now. Her mother Mrs. Seelbaugh was much more enthusiastic about the girls getting together to hang out, and shortly after Tabitha figured out an outfit that was mall occasion-worthy, they were here to pick her up. Like many other girls her age at this trying time of year, the burden was upon Tabitha to recoordinate what she wore to christen some of the brand new apparel received as gifts. This time Tabitha chose a long-sleeved buttoned-up and collared ¡®librarian blouse¡¯ from grandma Laurie, that had been made from one of Laurie¡¯s own 1960s dresses she¡¯d found in storage with the other sentimental knick-knacks. It was a dressy but not particularly showy in an off-cream color, but grandma Laurie had chosen a strange length to cut and hem it at when turning it into a top¡ªit was almost but not quite a navel blouse, reaching just to cover an inch or so past Tabitha¡¯s belly-button. Which means I have exactly one pair of jeans high-waisted enough to really pair with it, Tabitha had wanted to wince as she fought her way into them. And, they¡¯re not super comfy ones. But, at least this way everyone won¡¯t be blinded by a sliver of HORRIFICALLY PALE Tabitha tummy. Thought about layering something else beneath the new blouse, but¡­ no. Until I have something that better matches the color, it would just draw even MORE attention to that area, which I don¡¯t think I want. The result still looked pretty good¡ªlibrary chic, missing only the winged eyeglasses, and Tabitha carefully re-parted and pinned her hair so that the shaggy fuzz regrowth area shaved from surgery was hidden. Stepping back so she could see her entire figure in the mirror, she looked pretty okay, the only real incongruous element being her new Nike running shoes¡ªbut obviously she was going to proudly show those off today, as they had been a gift from Elena. She made sure she had her now very thin envelope of money with her, she checked to make sure all of the dishes were still done and everything around the house still remained tidy, and then she sat for a few minutes with Hannah while the little girl was locked in one intense battle after another along Route 24 above Cerulean city. A youngster was defeated, and then a lass, and then Hannah¡¯s team was just squaring off to fight a junior trainer when Tabitha saw the Seelbaugh¡¯s silvery minivan pull in front of the house. ¡°Good luck, Poketrainer Hannah!¡± Tabitha leaned in to kiss the top of Hannah¡¯s head before hurrying out the door. ¡°You too!¡± Hannah called, unable to tear her eyes away from the game screen. Tabitha wore a wry smile as she carefully shut the front door, and then she tried to recompose herself as she crossed the front lawn and suburban sidewalk and opened the minivan¡¯s sliding door. Hannah¡¯s current Pokemon obsession weighed on Tabitha¡¯s mind a lot, since she was the one responsible for introducing it to the girl and encouraging her. Should I raise up a whole second team of monsters? So that my main team doesn¡¯t just steamroll Hannah in link battles and hobble her enthusiasm for playing? Am I getting as bad as the Macintires with just wanting to spoil the hell out of Hannah?! ¡°Hi, Tabitha! How was your Christmas?¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh called as Tabitha climbed into the middle bench of their van. ¡°It¡¯s so good to see you again!¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°Christmas was good. My cousins loved their Gameboys.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve caught Elena playing her Gameboy, too,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh confided. ¡°Those things are pretty neat.¡± ¡°Mom,¡± Elena warned from the passenger seat¡ªas if being exposed as someone who played Pokemon was some embarrassing breach of trust. ¡°Right, sorry, sorry,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh¡¯s voice was cheerful rather than apologetic. Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but regard the mother-daughter duo here with a big smile, because Elena¡¯s mother had followed suit and also dyed her blonde hair black. Mrs. Seelbaugh seemed more enthusiastic about the two teens getting together to hang out than Elena did, and Tabitha was having a hard time discerning how much of Elena¡¯s cool stoicism was affected goth demeanor. While her reception couldn¡¯t quite be called chilly, Elena wore an impassive mask and showed nothing but indifference to seeing Tabitha today. Or, am I overthinking it? Tabitha held up her smile as internally she began to fret. It hasn¡¯t been that long since I saw her at the party. Just, knowing she went to people and talked about Julie feels like there¡¯s this wedge driven between us, now. Even if she did it with the best intentions¡ªshe still did it, without talking through it with me or attempting to clarify things. That does sting. ¡°I¡¯ve been helping Hannah play her Pokemon game too,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°She¡¯s been really excited about what kind of story her team of Pokemon can tell people.¡± ¡°Story?¡± Elena glanced back towards Tabitha. ¡°Yeah! She spent forever stuck in Mount Moon, up to her elbows in fainted Zubats and Geodudes¡ªuntil she finally came across a Clefairy. When I told her about all the fan theories out there with the lore, about how Gengar could actually be a Clefairy ghost, she loved that. So, she wants to be able to field them as a husband and wife pair, as if one of them¡¯s a grieving Clefairy wife and then the angry Gengar spirit of her husband is on Hannah¡¯s team, too. To protect his lover from beyond the grave. ¡°That sounds so cool!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh encouraged. ¡°Gengar is supposed to be a dead Clefairy?¡± Elena asked. ¡°Maybe?¡± Tabitha held out her hands and shrugged. ¡°They have the same body shape and they appear very similar. Just, the Clefairy has curls, while the Gengar has spikes. I told Hannah she can do something really similar with Kangaskhan, because the fan theory there is that Cubones and Marowaks are Kangaskhan kids who lost their parent and wear their skull.¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Elena looked thoughtful for a moment. ¡°I¡¯m not really sure what I¡¯m doing with mine. I have the Pikachu you start with, and then a Butterfree and a Pidgeotto that are pretty okay.¡± ¡°Butterfree can be competitive,¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°Respectable special sweeper. So long as you don¡¯t face off against a faster sweeper from the get-go, you can stunlock your opponent with sleep powder and stun spores, then psybeam them to death. If whirlwind works like roar in gen one, you could maybe force rotate through their Pokemon with it and sleep most of the team before they could stop you. For maximum annoyance.¡± ¡°I guess I like the sound of that,¡± Elena considered it. ¡°She just has confusion, though. How do I get psybeam?¡± ¡°It comes along somewhere in the level thirties,¡± Tabitha wracked her brains for specifics but drew a blank. ¡°I think. Somewhere around there, you can replace confusion with psybeam. Psybeam does the same thing, it just hits a lot harder and has less usage points.¡± ¡°Ah. I think mine¡¯s only level twenty-something,¡± Elena said. ¡°Pikachu and Pidgeotto hog most of the experience.¡± ¡°Makes sense,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Maybe halfway through the game or so, you get something for that¡ªXP share, it can automatically distribute experience so the whole party gets some, not just the one battling.¡± ¡°You really know your Pokemon stuff, there,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh praised. ¡°How long have you played the game?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve played¡­ more than I care to admit,¡± Tabitha joked with an uneasy laugh. ¡°Just uh, it¡¯s frustrating all the time, because it¡¯s like I¡¯ve forgotten just as much as I manage to remember. Has Alicia said anything about what team she¡¯s picking?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°I think she just started playing right after Christmas.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been dying to link battle someone,¡± Tabitha said with a sheepish smile. ¡°Just, uh, I might¡¯ve overdone it? l put my list together just from the absolute most overpowered Pokemon there are in gen one, but it¡¯s gonna be a while before any of my cousins even get anywhere near the level where they could fight me.¡± ¡°I feel like they have no chance against you,¡± Elena said in a dry voice. ¡°Probably not,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°But¡ªit is what it is. Have to stake this as my one shot at being the cool unbeatable older cousin! I expect their teams will be extremely typical¡ªwhichever starter Pokemon, then Mewtwo and the three legendary birds, then probably an HM dump Pokemon for utility.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a lot more into it than I thought,¡± Elena commented. ¡°Pokemon, I mean.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªuh, yeah,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°Sorry. Didn¡¯t mean to just geek out on you guys, there.¡± ¡°You¡¯re fine!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh assured her. ¡°Nothing to be embarrassed about. Even Elena plays.¡± ¡°Mom,¡± Elena growled again. ¡°And, Elena¡¯s one of the coolest teenagers I know,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh proudly ribbed her daughter. ¡°Just the other day, she was¡ª¡± ¡°You can let us out here,¡± Elena cut her off with a horrified look. ¡°We¡¯ll just walk the rest of the way. Yeah. Let us out right here, into traffic.¡± ¡°Har har,¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh rolled her eyes. ¡°Tabitha, did ¡®Leny tell you she¡¯s going to try out for the cheer team?¡± ¡°She didn¡¯t!¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°I had to hear it from Olivia first. I think if¡ª¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s not even a big deal,¡± Elena grumbled. ¡°Everyone¡¯s only making a fuss about it because I¡¯m goth now, because apparently only preppies can be in cheer. Which is¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be trying out for cheer, too,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Is there a sheet or printout of some kind I can pick up that list all the requirements?¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s great!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh exclaimed. ¡°We can get you a copy of¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha, no¡ªyou don¡¯t have to do that,¡± Elena said. ¡°When I asked you way back when, you said you weren¡¯t interested in cheerleading. I don¡¯t think I want you putting yourself through all of that just for me.¡± ¡°When you say ¡®putting yourself through all of that,¡¯ it¡¯s like you¡¯re acknowledging that you¡¯ll be in this epic bitter struggle against the prep-school girl cultural hegemony that entrenches the cheer team,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°If this is about you having something to prove, or if you just want to be the tragic lone wolf challenging all that on your lonesome, you¡¯d need to tell me¡ªexplicitly¡ªthat you don¡¯t want or need my help. Because, I saw you facing off against the in-crowd of Springton popular kids back in school before on my behalf, and you doing that¡­ meant more to me than you¡¯ll ever know. What the hell kind of friend would I be if I wasn¡¯t willing to do the same for you?¡± ¡°I just¡ªI just don¡¯t want you forcing yourself into it if it¡¯s not something you¡¯re interested in,¡± Elena blustered. ¡°It¡¯s going to be rough, and you¡¯ve already been through all of that with the bullying and everything. You don¡¯t need to go through any of that again. Okay?¡± ¡°I won¡¯t go through any of that again,¡± Tabitha argued. ¡°I know people this time through, I have friends, I¡¯m not going to let myself be disconnected from what¡¯s going on or socially isolated enough for them to bully. I¡¯m not going to hide or back down from confrontation anymore, because I¡¯ve learned, really learned, that ceding any ground at all to them just emboldens them further, ensures that they¡¯ll never ever leave me be. Things are going to be different this time.¡± ¡°Famous last words,¡± Elena remarked in a dry voice. ¡°I just. Tabitha¡ªI don¡¯t think you want to do this.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t, before,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Was just trying to keep my head down and avoid trouble. Now, I do want to join cheer. Why shouldn¡¯t I join cheer? Or be one of the cool popular kids? I¡¯m average to above-average in looks, I have it in me to be athletic. Sure, I¡¯m not uh, not super outgoing, but I feel like I¡¯m a lot more comfortable with people just after getting to know them a bit.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not even about that,¡± Elena argued. ¡°These kids¡ªthe sophomores, the juniors¡ªmost of them are just rotten. I knew they were awful before, but I didn¡¯t really know how awful until I stepped outside of all of that and saw it from a fresh perspective. How awful they really are, how awful all of it actually is. It¡¯s like¡ªI don¡¯t even want you to be a part of all that, I don¡¯t see it as this uh, this hierarchy worth wasting your effort on. Not anymore.¡± ¡°Agreed!¡± Tabitha nodded along. ¡°You¡¯re completely right. I want to be cool and popular, but I¡¯m just gonna do it on my own terms! Not gonna get peer pressured into adopting their more, well, terrible traits, I¡¯m in no way going to turn around and start bullying people or badmouthing people I don¡¯t even know or anything like that. If that becomes an issue, or if me um, if me calling people out on that starts to cause friction¡ªthen, so be it. It is what it is.¡± ¡°Okay. Well¡ªthat¡¯s just not how any of it works,¡± Elena scoffed. ¡°You realize that, right? You can¡¯t fit in by not fitting in, that doesn¡¯t even make any sense. Ziggy will go off about it, it¡¯s this whole big thing. The group decides what group norms are, and pushing against that sort of like, status quo is going to just blow up in your face. You realize that? It¡¯s the whole reason people stick to their different groups.¡± ¡°Then, so be it!¡± Tabitha declared. ¡°If a goth girl can fight her way up into cheerleading, who¡¯s to say what can happen? You¡¯re not going to turn all preppy just to fit in there, are you?¡± ¡°No,¡± Elena made a face of disgust. ¡°But, I already know how awful all that¡¯s going to be.¡± ¡°And yet, you¡¯re set on doing it anyways,¡± Tabitha concluded. ¡°Which frankly just¡ªrobs you of the right to criticize me, right? Because, I¡¯m just being inspired by you to do the same!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want it to be because of me that you get hurt or suffer or anything like that,¡± Elena countered. ¡°I just¡ªI don¡¯t want that to be on me. Not after¡ª¡± ¡°We won¡¯t suffer as much if we¡¯re in it together,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Two girls are harder to pick on than one. Less vulnerable.¡± ¡°You said before you weren¡¯t interested in cheerleading,¡± Elena said after a long moment, falling back to her previous line of defense. ¡°Cheer isn¡¯t something you should ever even put yourself through if you¡¯re not into it. It makes zero sense!¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t interested before, because¡­ it wasn¡¯t within any of my considerations,¡± Tabitha argued. ¡°I didn¡¯t really have friends yet back then, or know anyone¡ªit was basically just Alicia starting to take pity on me and visiting me in the library every now and then at lunch. Now, things are different¡ªI¡¯m going to not shy away from being social, and, and if cheer is important to you, then that makes it important to me. ¡°Just like that. Because you¡¯re important to me, and I don¡¯t want them to ever feel like they have leeway to treat you like garbage, or talk behind your back, or make snide comments, or¡ªor anything like that. Plus, it¡¯s¡ªI don¡¯t know, the cheerleading itself? It¡¯s okay. I never really understood the whole yeaahhh school pride! Let¡¯s go Springton Spaniels! Or whatever sort of stuff, but there¡¯s a physical element to cheer, and then there¡¯s that whole presentation aspect of it, the way it¡¯s a performance. I think I need that, too. ¡°My knee-jerk reaction to when my mother wanted me to get into acting and theater stuff was like, blind rejection. Panic. But, when I really think about it? It¡¯s something I need. Cheerleading is the same. I need to get out of my shell, to grow, to learn to brave the big scary world outside of my comfort zone. Because, I know exactly what will happen if I don¡¯t. I¡¯ve been there. That outcome isn¡¯t acceptable, and so all the bullying and confrontation and people issues¡ªI¡¯m just gonna have to deal with them. So be it, that¡¯s life.¡± ¡°Well said! Well said!¡± Mrs. Seelbaugh exclaimed, slapping the steering wheel. Elena¡¯s mother had been listening to their discourse with great interest and finally wasn¡¯t able to hold back her excitement¡ªwhich wasn''t discouraged in the slightest by the withering look Elena shot over. The goth teen in the passenger seat then crossed her arms and seemed to take a minute to simply digest Tabitha¡¯s long ramble. This was one of the reasons Tabitha appreciated Elena so much¡ªsure, her friend here was going through a difficult edgy phase, but she was still Elena, she was still listening and unpacking everything that had been said so that she could think it through. ¡°Fine,¡± Elena eventually conceded with as melodramatic a sigh as she could muster. ¡°Whatever. Won¡¯t try to stop you¡ªjust, I really hope you know what you¡¯re doing.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay even if I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m doing,¡± Tabitha decided to rein in Elena¡¯s theatrics just a smidge. ¡°I¡¯m fourteen. Even if everything goes wrong, this is still just high school. I¡¯ll get over it, I¡¯ll pull through with a better understanding of what went wrong and what should be done differently. Everything doesn¡¯t have to work out perfectly right from the start, or even in freshman year. I mean, hell¡ªfor all I know, the other cheerleader girls won¡¯t even be interested in everything I have to say about Pokemon!¡± With a defeated groan, Elena clapped both hands over her face as her mother and Tabitha both broke into laughter.
The Sandboro mall was just as Tabitha remembered it from last month when she¡¯d gone shopping with Alicia and Elena¡ªthe broad space was still just as lively and crowded, the seasonal decorations were all still up, and the sheer atmosphere still tugged at the heart of her inner child. Some of the novelty was gone now that they were visiting again so soon, and it was a strange feeling. It¡¯s¡ªI don¡¯t know, Tabitha wore a small smile as she walked down the concourse with Elena, taking in the sights. It feels strange. Like I was JUST HERE with them, not long ago. It felt like an EVENT, like a BIG OCCASION. But then, we¡¯re just here again, and it¡¯s still like this¡ªpeople everywhere, sense of excitement in the air. Weird for me to grasp that it can just be like this here all the time, that it can feel like there¡¯s always this something going on. I can see why Elena keeps getting pulled back here. Tabitha thought herself used to large, open social spaces like this, but the act of actually frequenting them felt new. In her past life, she¡¯d been conditioned by growing up in poverty, and had long adopted the mindset to avoid going out like this when she didn¡¯t feel like she had spending money to spare. It made her wonder how long that ingrained sense of inferiority, of being trailer trash would stick with her. Hanging out at the mall is a COMPLETELY NORMAL TEENAGE GIRL thing to do, Tabitha told herself. It¡¯s hardly BOURGEOISIE. Elena¡¯s comfortable here, she feels like she belongs. I can, too. Just need to stamp down that incredulous, giddy feeling and play it cool. Act normal. ¡°Are you mad at me?¡± Elena asked. ¡°What?¡± Tabitha snapped out of her thoughts. ¡°No, no.¡± Elena was wearing baggy black jeans again, this time sporting a questionably fashionable wallet chain that looped from one of her front belt loops to her back pocket, hanging across one thigh. The familiar black Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie was gone, replaced now with an unfamiliar black Johnny the Homicidal Maniac one, which featured one of the most unapologetically edgy cartoon depictions of a boy holding two knives Tabitha had ever seen. They walked on together past several more storefronts without making eye contact with another or saying a word. Tabitha felt like she was hurrying to shove out her meandering mess of errant thoughts and focus on Elena so that she could pick up on whatever social cue she¡¯d missed, there. She hadn¡¯t meant to seem quiet, or angry, or standoffish, and now she felt guilty her thoughts had wandered. Paying attention now to her friend, really paying attention, Tabitha still found Elena difficult to read. ¡°I was upset for a bit,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°When I found out you told people about Julie. But¡ªrealizing why you did that, knowing you were just, uh, worried about me, worried for me. I do appreciate that. I think¡­ I think just, so much of that stems from this big, stupid misunderstanding.¡± ¡°Misunderstanding?¡± Elena asked, still not glancing her way. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have dropped the future stuff on you. I didn¡¯t want to¡ªwell, okay, naturally I kind of wanted to¡ªbut, I mean. It wasn¡¯t smart. Not yet. Makes complete sense that you don¡¯t buy into any of it, and I totally do understand that. But, then at the same time, it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s complicated.¡± ¡°I really don¡¯t believe the future stuff,¡± Elena gave her an awkward shrug. ¡°I wanted to. I just¡­ don¡¯t. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°No no no, you don¡¯t have anything to be sorry for!¡± Tabitha assured her, slowing her steps and taking Elena¡¯s shoulder to get her attention. ¡°I¡¯m serious. What happened, my story¡ªit¡¯s unbelievable. Literally; no one would believe it. Why would they? Elena, trust me. It¡¯s completely okay.¡± ¡°Then¡ª¡± Elena¡¯s eyes finally flicked up to meet her. ¡°Why go around talking about it? I¡ªI just, I seriously don¡¯t get it. If you were really from the future, you wouldn¡¯t tell anyone.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but wince. ¡°No. If you were from the future, you wouldn¡¯t tell anyone. Because, that¡¯s common sense. Because¡ªwhy out yourself as crazy? When no one would believe you. Why potentially sacrifice your advantages? It¡¯s just¡­ with me, it doesn¡¯t even get as far as that.¡± ¡°Then¡­?¡± Elena gave her a searching look. ¡°I¡¯m weak,¡± Tabitha said. That admission wasn¡¯t difficult, or complicated. When she said it out loud, it just seemed like a very matter-of-fact thing to say. Like it was something both of them should have already known, some general thing that everyone accepted as the truth. ¡°I couldn¡¯t do this on my own,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I¡¯m not strong enough. I am not the kind of person who goes back in time and knows what to do. I never had drive like you do. My goals were always¡ªwere¡ªyou know. Nebulous, vague. The things I wanted, or thought I wanted, I didn¡¯t understand them really, or ever even tried to work through all the hows and whys. Because, why torture myself like that, everything I desired was way beyond my reach, anyways. Right?¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°Uh, and,¡± Tabitha felt that this part was a lot more difficult to say out loud. ¡°And, having you and Alicia, making friends, real friends as a teenager, I really just. Hate the idea of keeping the truth from you. Keeping big secrets. It made our friendship feel¡ªwell, not fake, but um. Like I was just pretending to be a real teenager, and keeping what¡ªor uh, who? Whatever it is that I really am from you, and that that would, uhh. I don¡¯t know. Poison the relationships? When you guys did inevitably find out and learn the truth and everything. Like, maybe you would hate me for, or, well maybe not hate, but¡ªresent me? For keeping it from you for so long?¡± She felt that she was blushing furiously, and Tabitha wished a sinkhole would open up in the ground beneath her and swallow her whole. Anything to save her from this embarrassing situation. ¡°So, I¡ªyeah, I just jumped on the first opportunity to spill everything out,¡± Tabitha summed up. ¡°Both times, basically. To spill the beans. Even when it wasn¡¯t smart, or sensible. Even when yeah, obviously neither of you have any reason to believe me. Because, all of that sorta made me realize that I don¡¯t care about using future knowledge to my advantage, for wealth or fame or anything like that. I don¡¯t have a cool revenge story or anything like that. No great ambition that I was just waiting to have the chance to spring. ¡°What I want is to have real friends, to grow up with real friends,¡± Tabitha finished. ¡°Even if that¡¯s, uh, stupid or trivial, compared to what I probably should be doing with a second chance at life. Just, I didn¡¯t get to have friends like this last time through, and that, uh. I feel like that haunted me, my entire life.¡± Elena regarded her with a look for a long, tense moment without saying anything. Tabitha couldn¡¯t decipher what her friend was thinking, or what that look was supposed to mean, and as the seconds ticked by Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but find herself fidgeting. Regretting that she¡¯d said anything on this topic at all. ¡°It¡¯s really annoying,¡± Elena sighed, shaking her head. ¡°Because, I can tell you really, actually believe all this. This would be so much easier if you faking it for attention. I could understand if you were making it all up for attention. But, I don¡¯t think you are. I really don¡¯t think you are. And yet, I still don¡¯t believe you¡¯re really from the future.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha pulled her lips back in a grimace. ¡°So¡­?¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re crazy,¡± Elena summed it up. ¡°But, I guess we¡¯re still friends. Right?¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Tabitha felt an embarrassing surge of hope. ¡°I can have weird friends,¡± Elena gave her another expressive shrug. ¡°It¡¯s whatever. Alicia¡¯s already weird. Ziggy is¡ªwell. Yeah. I guess what I¡¯m saying, then is¡­ sorry for telling them about the Julie thing. I seriously thought that you were uh, well. That it was that sort of coded Uncle Vampire kind of thing, and I freaked out and just¡ªwent over your head. Because, I thought you were¡­ unable to actually communicate to people that something really bad was going on.¡± ¡°I do appreciate your intentions there,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°I, I understand.¡± ¡°So¡ªto be one hundred percent clear,¡± Elena held up her hands. ¡°You¡¯re not¡­ dealing with any of that? That sort of stuff? Not getting touched? Or, molested? None of that kind of thing is happening?¡± ¡°None of that, I promise,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°I promise.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena let her hands drop. ¡°Then¡­ yeah. You¡¯re just crazy, and I¡¯ll¡­ figure out how to deal with that? I guess?¡± ¡°Cool,¡± Tabitha broke into a smile. ¡°Cool,¡± Elena eyed Tabitha carefully and gave her a nod. ¡°So¡ªsing me another song from the future?¡± ¡°Another one?¡± Tabitha all but bounced in place as they started forward across the mall again. ¡°Sure, yeah. Awesome. Uhh¡ªwhat kind of song? It¡¯s okay? For me to get into that stuff, when you don¡¯t believe I¡¯m really from the future?¡± ¡°The last one you came up with was good,¡± Elena reasoned. ¡°I¡¯ve asked Ziggy, she never heard of any of those lyrics. My parents hadn¡¯t, either. Even typed them into that Google web page you love you so much, didn¡¯t get a thing back, just nonsense. So, either it¡¯s this super obscure song that I just haven¡¯t come across yet, or¡­ you have an actual pretty amazing talent for writing songs. Which would also make sense, because you¡¯re a writer, or whatever.¡± ¡°Right, right,¡± Tabitha nodded along. ¡°That¡¯s reasonable enough. Good alibi? Just, to be clear, between you and me¡ªI did not write these songs, and do not take credit away from Amy Lee for any of this. I love her and she deserves all that respect, not me. Okay? Like, I need you to acknowledge that for me, even if you don¡¯t really believe me about things.¡± ¡°...Sure?¡± Elena gave her a quizzical look, and for once the ghost of a smile appeared. ¡°And also¡ª¡± Tabitha glanced around the other shoppers walking this way and that around them. ¡°Sorry if it winds up making a scene?¡±
How come I¡¯m like, the only one of my friends who has a job¡ªyet I¡¯M the one that¡¯s ALWAYS broke? Nicole thought to herself in annoyance. Just kill me. Please. She wasn¡¯t having a great day. Someone at their impromptu weekend party had sat on her last pack of smokes, and now it was half-squished. She now had to ration out misshapen cigarettes, and the number remaining¡ªsix¡ªseemed like a countdown to her having a complete manic episode. The beer in her apartment fridge kept magically disappearing, and she¡¯d woken up feeling like trash for several days in a row, now. The dark, ash-blonde of her natural hair color was creeping up her roots like a disease, and the green dye that had been so vivid just weeks ago now just made her feel like a clown, because her self confidence had taken a serious hit or two lately. Nicole adjusted the oversized black hoodie she was wearing¡ªthe hood decorated liberally with safety pins¡ªin annoyance. She had maybe put on weight over the holidays, but her mother having the gall to point it out now made her feel wretched every time she was anywhere near a mirror. It went without saying she was now uncomfortable and paranoid whenever she caught somebody looking in her direction. She was used to being judged, but it was supposed to be on her terms, judged for her lifestyle, or being punk provocative, for making a bold anarchist statement. Not for her fucking weight and figure. What is this, the nineteen thirties?! Shouldn¡¯t have gone to Christmas with them at all, Nicole scowled. Fuckin¡¯ free food. Suckers me into the same old punishment, year after year after year. Her stepdad wasn¡¯t even the problem, anymore¡ªwell, this stepdad wasn¡¯t. It was her stupid mother who just always had to start making constant vicious jabs at her. Last year it was her piercings, before that it was her hair. This year it was saying she was getting fat. Which was ludicrous. Just because her favorite pair of torn jeans had shrunk in the wash didn¡¯t mean she was putting on weight. ¡°Nicole¡ªyou¡¯re getting a little chunky,¡± her mother had remarked between forkfuls of turkey. Nicole had found herself completely aghast. CHUNKY. As if that was a perfectly acceptable thing to fuckin¡¯ say about someone. Fine dinner conversation. ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t go by NICOLE anymore,¡± Nicole had scoffed, shoving her plate back and standing up. ¡°Thanks. Thanks for RUINING Christmas, mom.¡± ¡°Oh, stop,¡± her mother hadn¡¯t even looked up at her, that time. ¡°I¡¯m not calling you ZIPPER, or ZIPPO or¡ªwhatever it was. You¡¯re not a dog, Nicole.¡± ¡°Ziggy,¡± her stepfather had supplied. ¡°I¡¯M not calling her that, and YOU need to quit encouraging her,¡± her mother had said. ¡°She¡¯s nineteen already. It¡¯s time for her to start acting like it.¡± Just remembering it made Nicole want to storm out all over again. But, she was at work. It was Hot Topic, at least, which was supposed to be her special sanctum, but it was still also work, and she was tired. She hated how much she needed these paychecks. She hated her family¡ªor she wanted to. That¡¯d be much more simple. She really hated how understanding her stepdad Mr. Gary was, because that was inconsistent with her current reality, and it made it harder for her to throw blanket hate in that direction. Which would have been way more convenient and so much less trouble to navigate. Because, fuck you, mom¡ªat least he DOES encourage me, Nicole swore as the label gun clacked but failed to plant a sticker on the next surface in the stack of CD cases she was repricing. Fuck! FUCK! Are you serious right now?! Turning the oblong orange plastic gun in her hand, she could see there was still plenty of sticker roll left inside. It had jammed up. Again. In frustration she squeezed the trigger three more times in quick succession, hoping the stupid piece of shit would cough out a wad of gummed-together tags, but this time she had no luck. Nothing came out, and on her third pull, the trigger remained depressed in and wouldn¡¯t even come back out. ¡°Fuck!¡± Nicole swore, tossing the contraption onto the counter with a clatter. ¡°Hey, hey, easy on the little thing,¡± Mr. Gary admonished in a soft voice stepping over to examine the gun. ¡°She¡¯s old.¡± ¡°Everything in here is old,¡± Nicole made a disgusted face at him. She felt the usual flash of guilt and regret that came with treating him the way she did, because as always, he didn¡¯t deserve it. Anything and everything was just getting under her skin, today. Her bangs kept getting in her face, because she hadn¡¯t taken the time to gel up her hair into spikes¡ªso of course it was just a big shaggy mess, today. It was pissing her off. Everything was pissing her off. ¡°Ooh, harsh,¡± Mr. Gary chuckled, cracking the price gun open and peeling back where the stickers had begun adhering to the mouth of the device. ¡°You just gotta be a li¡¯l more gentle with her, and she¡¯ll treat you right. Alright?¡± ¡°Yeah, well I¡¯m doing my job,¡± Nicole growled, separating the newly-stickered CDs away from the stack and waggling them. ¡°It needs to do its job. That¡¯s how this relationship works.¡± ¡°There,¡± Mr. Gary triggered out a sticker onto his fingertip and then snapped the casing back closed again, satisfied. ¡°Remember¡ªgentle.¡± ¡°I am gentle!¡± Nicole snarled, snatching it from him. She bashed the gun into the next CD case and gripped the trigger, stamping a sticker crooked onto the face of a Sugar Ray album. She hated them anyways¡ªin her opinion, they needed to quit stocking so much pop band radio music and actually put stuff on the shelves that people needed to hear. Music that actually meant something. ¡°Hey, I talked to Linda, ¡®bout Christmas,¡± Mr. Gary mentioned, lingering by the counter. ¡°She¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± Nicole hissed. ¡°I don¡¯t care.¡± ¡°She didn¡¯t mean it to come out the way she said it,¡± Mr. Gary pressed. ¡°She was just worried about you.¡± ¡°Oink oink, look at the piggie daughter,¡± Nicole let out a bitter laugh, turning the gun against her stepdad and shooting a pair of $14.99 tags onto his tattooed bicep. ¡°Are you sure you should be encouraging me?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve talked with her about it, and she¡¯s sorry she said it like she did,¡± Mr. Gary said again. ¡°You could be a little easier on her too, you know? She¡¯s been pretty stressed.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not my problem,¡± Nicole shook her head in defiance. ¡°She doesn¡¯t get to call me fat. Not with her armchair spread. Just look at her!¡± ¡°I¡¯m just sayin¡¯¡ªtry to go easy on her,¡± Gary pulled off one of the stickers on his arm and thumbed it onto the shoulder of Nicole¡¯s hoodie. ¡°We¡¯re all in this together, yeah?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not my fault everything is old and broken,¡± Nicole muttered as she watched him walk back over to the band tees section that took up the entire far wall. ¡°Maybe not, but we¡¯ve gotta work with what we¡¯ve got,¡± Mr. Gary called over his shoulder as he returned to sorting shirts. ¡°...The label gun, I mean.¡± ¡°Yeah, right,¡± Nicole rolled her eyes. At least the stupid sticker gun wasn¡¯t quite so quick to label things anything other than what she had the dial set to. It was so damn irritating that Mr. Gary was cool, instead of the stereotypical strict and straight-laced stepfather. He had full tattoo sleeves, he used to ride a motorcycle¡ªhow had her boring dowdy fucking mother managed to hook up with someone like Mr. Gary, of all people? It was beyond her understanding. He wasn¡¯t even just a good dad¡ªhe was a great boss. Nicole knew her last dollar-seventy raise wasn¡¯t exactly merited from her outstanding work. Which sucks, because now I actually feel GUILTY just stealing shit, Nicole scowled all over again. When I know how stupidly overpriced it all is in the first place. Hot Topic is a total scam. Nicole¡¯s mind wandered back and forth as she finished repricing everything on the sales list that had been printed out. She¡¯d accidentally left the dial on $14.99 for a few of the ones that should have been $16.99, and with a face of disgust she leafed back through the stack with her fingertips and applied lopsided new price tags on top of the wrong ones. She was so sick of this. Her girlfriend Monique didn¡¯t even have to deal with family bullshit¡ªthey all sat and passed around the bong with her mom, over there. The strung-out woman being something between a hippy and some kind of wiccan, but when asked about her spirituality seemed to ramble on about different star readings and interpretations rather than ever providing something specific she would be stuck with keeping to. Which seemed awfully smart. Monique¡¯s mom collected crystals, had five large dogs in an apartment that only allowed one small pet, and the place featured dreamcatchers and bird skulls and cool stuff decorating everywhere. And, she never ever looked at her daughter and said, ¡®you know fatso, you sure are getting chunky,¡¯ Nicole scowled all over again. Who DOES that? ¡°Ahhhhhh~ahhhhh~Ahhhhh~ahhhh~!¡± A rising melody, sung in a capella, interrupted her thoughts. ¡°¡ªPa~per¡ªflow~ers~!¡± When she looked up to see who it was, Nicole discovered it was that girl again, the redhead, the strange, possibly-satan cute friend of Elena¡¯s had returned their Sandboro Hot Topic. Elena herself was trailing along several steps behind the girl, face torn between exasperation and amusement. Despite the obvious difference in the notes being sung, Nicole couldn¡¯t help but think of Ariel sacrificing her voice to the sea witch as she watched Tabitha enter the store. ¡°Ahhhhhh~ahhhhh~Ahhhhh~ahhhh!¡± Tabitha was blushing slightly, maybe embarrassed, but looked serious rather than like she was playing around, almost even somber as she delivered the impromptu performance. ¡°¡ªPa~per¡ªflow~ers~!¡± While it wasn¡¯t crazy busy today, there were shoppers about, and every head in the store did turn in that direction. So; Nicole made her decisive move. With a ducking motion to reach the sound system down beneath the counter, she killed the in-store music so they could all hear the girl better. The background noise of a Limp Bizkit track she didn¡¯t care for in the first place cut out¡ªand the redhead stepping into Hot Topic had a mezzo soprano that seemed to rush in to fill every inch of silence left behind. ¡°I linger in the doorway~¡± ¡°Of alarm clocks screaming, monsters calling my name,¡± ¡°Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me,¡± ¡°Where the raindrops as they''re falling tell a story~¡± It was¡­ surprisingly good? Really, really good. Nicole didn¡¯t recognize the lyrics, but each bit that was sung out felt like she should have recognized them. Some strange part of how they were delivered grabbed at her attention in a particular way, like someone was pulling her out of a dream. One elbow down on the counter, Nicole leaned back to see if Gary was hearing this, and she caught him frozen in place with a folded shirt in his hands, grinning. ¡°In my field of paper flowers~!¡± ¡°And candy clouds of lullaby!¡± ¡°I lie inside myself for hours~!¡± ¡°And watch my purple sky fly over me!¡± Tabitha finished the impromptu performance as her and Elena reached the central sales kiosk Nicole lorded over the store from, and as Nicole clapped for them, both teenage girls gave her sheepish looks. The applause was meant to be appreciative, but with no one else joining in it felt a little mocking¡ªNicole glanced around at the other customers, a young girl and a few teenage guys¡ªbut the best they could offer were embarrassed smiles and casual interest. ¡°Ziggy, hi. I want to take Elena to a concert,¡± Tabitha revealed. ¡°In April or May.¡± ¡°Bitchin¡¯,¡± Nicole turned a grin towards Elena. ¡°Who¡¯re you going to see? Where at?¡± ¡°Well, the thing is¡­ it¡¯s eight hours away,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°They¡¯re in Little Rock, Arkansas.¡± ¡°Eight hours away?¡± Nicole laughed. ¡°Damn, that¡¯s a trip.¡± ¡°It is,¡± Tabitha held her gaze. ¡°So¡ªhow do you feel about taking us?¡± ¡°Hah,¡± Nicole snorted. ¡°Uhh, yeah, I don¡¯t think so. All the way to Arkansas? For who, who¡¯s playing?¡± ¡°They¡¯re called Evanescence,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Or¡ªwell, they might not have settled on a final name yet, really. Amy Lee and her friends. I want to take Elena down there for her birthday, a um, a late birthday sort of trip.¡± ¡°When¡¯s your birthday?¡± Nicole turned her attention back to Elena, who had remained silent all this time. ¡°Uh, it¡¯s after Easter,¡± Elena admitted. ¡°Early April. But¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t call it Easter,¡± Nicole made a face. ¡°Real Easter was a pagan holiday, just the Christians stole everything from everyone, like they always do. With everything.¡± ¡°Elena happened to mention you had a car!¡± Tabitha curtailed Nicole¡¯s tirade before she could even start building up steam. ¡°I can front money for gas, I¡¯m willing to cover ticket price, and if we need to stay overnight there in Little Rock, I¡¯ll find a way to get money together for the hotel.¡± ¡°Food?¡± Nicole raised her eyebrows. ¡°Beer?¡± ¡°Food¡­ I can help with,¡± Tabitha gave her an uneasy smile. ¡°But, beer? Uhh, Elena and I are fourteen. Sorry?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Nicole had to let that term slide, and she narrowed her eyes in thought. ¡°Eight hours, round trip? That¡¯s a super long way.¡± ¡°Eight hours¡­ each way,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°But! It will be completely worth it, I promise! You¡¯ll get to see Amy Lee before she breaks out big and gets huge and famous.¡± ¡°Yeah, well I¡¯ve never even heard of her,¡± Nicole couldn¡¯t help but sneer. ¡°What¡¯s she play? Punk music? Ska, thrash? Country?¡± ¡°Gothic alternative metal and hard rock,¡± Tabitha stared Nicole down. ¡°The one I was singing when I came in? That¡¯s one of hers. ¡®Imaginary.¡¯ Just, without the actual music with it, it¡¯ll never really blow you away like it should.¡± ¡°And she¡¯s in Arkansas,¡± Nicole scowled. ¡°Man, I don¡¯t know. That¡¯s a long ass way from here. Elena? What do you know about all this?¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± Elena admitted, shooting a glance towards her weird friend. ¡°This is all news to me?¡± ¡°The one thing that¡¯s come close to persuading Elena that my predictive powers are real is when I sung My Immortal for her,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It¡¯s a song from the future, sung by Amy Lee, who goes on to create Evanescence in the early two-thousands.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­¡± Elena growled, rolling her eyes. ¡°Seriously?¡± ¡°And, this was gothic alternative metal?¡± Nicole couldn¡¯t hide her skepticism. ¡°Technically no, My Immortal will be a piano power ballad or gothic ballad,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I have no real way of recreating goth metal or goth rock for you guys, outside of just singing the lyrics like I did coming in, there. And¡ªtrust me, it¡¯s not the same, it¡¯s not even close.¡± ¡°Sooo¡ªscale of one to ten, how crazy is she?¡± Nicole asked Elena while jerking a thumb towards Tabitha. ¡°Predictive powers?¡± ¡°She¡¯s not crazy,¡± Elena frowned. ¡°But, that doesn¡¯t mean I believe her, either.¡± ¡°When¡¯s this supposed to happen?¡± Nicole asked. ¡°April?¡± ¡°April or May, I¡¯m pretty sure,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°GAAAARY,¡± Nicole hollered, clapping both palms on the counter. ¡°Can I get some time off to go to a concert? In April or May?¡± ¡°Concert?¡± Mr. Gary perked up, dropping the box in his hands and heading towards them. ¡°Who¡¯s playing?¡± Nicole looked back towards Tabitha again to provide the name. ¡°Amy Lee¡ªEvanescence, they¡¯ll be playing at a bar called Vino¡¯s, in Little Rock, Arkansas,¡± Tabitha pleaded her case. ¡°We, um. I want to get Elena there as a late birthday thing for her, but we don¡¯t have a way to get there.¡± ¡°Evanescence?¡± Mr. Gary pursed his lips in thought. ¡°Good name, good name. I was down there in Little Rock not long ago, but I think it was¡ªa coliseum, big coliseum they had. Aerosmith was playing. Barton Coliseum?¡± ¡°How long a drive from here to there?¡± Nicole pressed. ¡°Eight hour trip?¡± ¡°Oh no, no¡ªlittle bit under that, I¡¯d say,¡± Mr. Gary frowned. ¡°I think last time it took me a little under seven hours? You thinkin¡¯ about making the trip?¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Nicole said, suddenly feeling defensive. ¡°So what if I am?¡± ¡°I just¡ª¡± Mr. Gary stopped and chuckled. ¡°Between now and then get your oil changed an¡¯ your engine checked out, little lady. My hog¡¯s good for long hauls, but I dunno if your LeBaron can do that kinda distance without problems poppin¡¯ up.¡± ¡°You drive a LeBaron?¡± Elena¡¯s eyes went a little wider. ¡°I thought you said you drove a Chrysler?¡± ¡°It is,¡± Nicole made a face. ¡°It¡¯s just not like a nice LeBaron. It¡¯s an eighty-six Chrysler Lebaron coupe¡ªit¡¯s a piece of shit.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Elena processed that. ¡°Well, still¡ªyou have a car.¡± It was gratifying as always to hear the tinge of reverence in the voice of younger teens, because yes; Nicole did have a car. To them, it didn¡¯t have to be a great car or even a good car, just about anything that drives would do, because having one meant you could go places, go places without having to rely on parents or other people. A set of wheels was the ultimate freedom every teenager yearned for¡­ until the bleak reality set in, and a transmission needed replaced or the engine had problems. Because, fuck me, my LeBaron just runs on prayer at this point, Nicole hid her grimace. If Gary doesn¡¯t like, VOLUNTEER to look it over himself, I¡¯m not even gonna take it in anywhere. I CAN¡¯T AFFORD to fix anything if there¡¯s problems¡ªso why would I even take it in to get checked out? ¡°Don¡¯t suppose you can chip in for that?¡± Nicole asked the teens with a ghost of a smirk. ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha was apparently smart enough to draw the line there. ¡°Gas and tickets and food and something towards a hotel if we need it¡ªthat¡¯s as much as I can put in.¡± ¡°I guess I could talk to my parents about it,¡± Elena pursed her lips. ¡°What¡¯s this all about?¡± Mr. Gary asked. ¡°Elena, you¡¯re havin¡¯ a birthday?¡± ¡°None of your business, geez,¡± Nicole made a disgusted face. ¡°Buzz off.¡± ¡°After Easter,¡± Elena said again. ¡°Tabitha seems sure that this Evanescence is the music for me, the one that, um. Defines what I¡¯m going through, like you said.¡± ¡°Ahh, gotcha, gotcha,¡± Mr. Gary nodded. ¡°Well, if it¡¯s for something important like that, then yeah Ziggy¡ªgo for it. ¡®Lena¡¯s one of our best customers. If the little lady needs to go see this concert, then well, there¡¯s nothin¡¯ we can do. We¡¯ll have to get someone else to cover some shifts so you can make a trip out there.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t even know the real Elena!¡± Nicole argued. ¡°You just like her ¡®cause her and her mom spend a ton of money here. Get outta here with your phoney bullshit.¡± ¡°I know she¡¯s on her personal journey, and it¡¯s lookin¡¯ like that journey¡¯s gonna swing her by Little Rock,¡± Mr. Gary chuckled, shaking his head. ¡°Was that Evanescence you were singin¡¯ on your way in here, girl? That was something else.¡± ¡°Err, yes,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be, don¡¯t be,¡± Mr. Gary assured her. ¡°You have a lovely voice. I¡¯m jealous! You a part of choir, or some such?¡± ¡°No, nope, nothing like that,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m going in a different direction¡ªI¡¯m going to try out for cheerleading.¡± ¡°You¡¯re what,¡± Nicole immediately bristled. ¡°So, all that BS and you¡¯re actually just some preppy girl? Gary¡ªwe can throw her out for that, right?¡± ¡°Cool your jets, cool your jets,¡± Mr. Gary said. ¡°Everyone¡¯s welcome here, from all walks of life. And, hey¡ªkick the tape player back on, if everyone¡¯s done singin¡¯. Nice seein¡¯ you again, Elena. Nice to meet you¡ª¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Tabitha supplied, shaking his hand. ¡°Tabitha, cool,¡± Mr. Gary smiled. ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena gave him a wave. ¡°Thanks, Gary.¡± ¡°Elena, you¡¯re gonna be friends with a cheerleader?¡± Nicole demanded in disgust, talking past Tabitha to address Elena as if the redhead was no longer present. ¡°Seriously?¡± ¡°She¡¯s¡­ not a cheerleader yet,¡± Elena gave a nervous shrug, glancing at Tabitha. ¡°Maybe¡ª¡± ¡°Uh. One of my friends is trying out, so I¡¯m trying out, too,¡± Tabitha spoke up, sounding a little defiant, now. ¡°Has nothing to do with being into cheerleading or prep, and, yeah, just everything to do with being there for my friends.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Nicole scowled, crossing her arms. ¡°Yeah, I bet. Well, I¡¯m sure as hell not driving all the way to Arkansas to see some stupid preppy pop princess. Okay?¡± ¡°Amy Lee is about the farthest thing from that that I can think of,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Her music is going to define gothic for quite a while.¡± ¡°Yeah, right,¡± Nicole threw all the sarcasm she could muster right into the girl¡¯s face. ¡°Like you know jack shit about being goth.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the gamble, yeah,¡± Tabitha gave her an unbothered shrug. ¡°I just don¡¯t want this to be about me proving a point, I want it to be something cool for Elena, because, if she does wind up really liking Evanescence, this trip could be big thing. You might wind up liking Amy Lee, too. You might not. I think she¡¯s maybe a bit younger than you are, so¡ªI don¡¯t even know. Just, can you think it over for me? For us?¡± 53, Ringing in the new year. 1999 arrived with little fanfare for Tabitha, having elected to simply spend the evening reading with Hannah and then retire to bed at her usual time. Waiting until midnight to watch the celebrations on television and count down to the ball drop had never interested her much¡ªand as fourteen-year-olds, none of her friends were doing much of anything for New Years Eve besides spending time with their families. The Williams family threw another lakehouse party, but invitation was only for drinking-age folk, and even Mrs. Macintire declined to attend this year. An empty bottle and a pair of champagne glasses in the sink on the morning of January first was Tabitha¡¯s only real reminder that they were entering into a new year. She wasn¡¯t put out about it, as she¡¯d seen it all before and the kind of New Years excitement one shared with friends and family had never had much to do with her. Perhaps that would change in the next few years to come, and maybe she had some romantic notions of having someone special to kiss when the clock strikes twelve in this lifetime¡­ but not just yet, not while she was still so young. ¡°Did you stay up until midnight?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Just about,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled, smiling over her cup of coffee. ¡°Might¡¯ve dozed off a bit¡ªhubby woke me up just before the countdown, though. I think I¡¯m gettin¡¯ old.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that say about me, then?!¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°I think I went to bed before nine.¡± ¡°Eh, you¡¯re not missing too much,¡± Mrs. Macintire shrugged. ¡°We usually go to the Williams¡¯ for their big thing, but wasn¡¯t really feeling it this year. Too much excitement for Darren, don¡¯t want him goofing around at a party and popping out his cork.¡± ¡°Right,¡± Tabitha grimaced. ¡°Gross.¡± She wasn¡¯t sure who had started the joke, but one of the topics the Macintires kidded Hannah about over dinners was that Officer Macintire simply had a wine cork plugged into the bullet hole in his sternum. He still wore a small bandage covering up the area, and of course refused to let the little girl peek under them to check to see if he actually had a cork there or not. Hannah was extremely skeptical, but that just seemed to make the whole thing even more amusing for the pair of parents. Tabitha put on polite smiles for their more macabre humor but offered no comment. ¡°You ready for your big day today?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°Today¡¯s not the day I¡¯m worried about,¡± Tabitha quirked a smile at the woman in return to show her confidence. ¡°I can even just fail each of the make-up finals miserably and still be fine. Springton final tests for a semester only count for twenty percent of the final grade.¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s not just the finals, right?¡± Mrs. Macintire gave her a look. ¡°Weren¡¯t you out for, what, two full months? Two and a half? October, November, December?¡± ¡°I was told it wouldn¡¯t be held against me,¡± Tabitha tapped the scuffed fiberglass of her cast. ¡°Given the circumstances. If I do fine on the make-up finals, I think they¡¯ll sweep everything under the rug and just have me start second semester like nothing happened.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded. ¡°And, you think you¡¯ll do okay on the tests?¡± ¡°I know I won¡¯t fail them,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°Even if I do poorly, I don¡¯t see doing worse than a B minus. I¡¯m not worried at all.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Macintire paused. ¡°That makes this awkward, but¡­ to encourage you, I was going to say we¡¯ll do something special if you do well.¡± ¡°Something special?¡± ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s¡ªI know it¡¯s kind of sudden to bring up now, right before you do your make-up tests, but it¡¯s something we should have talked about. When Hannah gets all E¡¯s on her report cards¡ªE¡¯s are exceeding or exceptional or something, it¡¯s an elementary school thing apparently¡ªwe reward her. The Williams have always done the same thing for Matthew. A lot of parents do. I, uh, well I hesitate to even ask, but did your parents¡­?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I feel like they would get cross if my grades were bad, but they were never really bad. They were happy for me when I started to do well recently, but¡­ that was it, really. How I do in school never really affected them.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Macintire frowned. ¡°Well. I¡¯m not gonna judge them, because it¡¯s not my place to¡ªbut if I were to judge, this is the face I¡¯d be making. Hah. Oh, Tabitha lighten up, I¡¯m kidding. It¡¯s fine if they don¡¯t care, I guess, but we care. Alright? What I mean to say is, I know this is sudden, but if you ace all of your exams, we¡¯ll do something special. Spoil you a bit¡ªwhatever you want. You doing great in school is something that should be a big deal.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha gave her a nervous smile. ¡°Just. The problem with that, is¡ªyou already spoil me. Tons. You¡¯ve given me a place to stay, you, you handed me all of that money¡ª¡± ¡°Uhp uhp uhp,¡± Mrs. Macintire held up a finger to stop her. ¡°That was your money, it was just a little advance from your settlements. All of that¡¯s getting transferred into that account thing, and your medical expenses will draw right from that. Remind me later this week, and we can go down and get you some checks and a balance book so you can start learning that stuff yourself.¡± ¡°Checks?¡± Tabitha repeated, going pale. ¡°...A balance book?!¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Mrs. Macintire took another sip of her coffee. ¡°You¡¯re old enough to learn how to start managing your money and totalling your balance. Right?¡± ¡°Right,¡± Tabitha hid a wince. ¡°I just¡ªit¡¯s a lot to wrap my head around?¡± Writing out personal checks just wasn¡¯t something people did much after the early two thousands. Nor was physically penning out numbers to calculate your own account balance like some sort of neanderthal scratching tally marks into the wall of their cave¡ªdigital banking tracked all of that with perfect accuracy and absolute convenience. I only ever HAD one checkbook, way back when I opened my first account with Commonwealth Kentucky Bank, Tabitha remembered. Don¡¯t think I wrote a single check from it. I think I scribbled in like, two whole pages of my little personal balance book, and then just ignored it? Even back then it must have been 2002, and I could just click to the website and see my current balance, or grab one of the bajillion bank statements I kept getting in the mail. After that, everyone was just using debit cards for everything, and setting up automatic payments for bills online. They¡­ they don¡¯t like, actually write out and snail-mail checks to pay their bills here in the late nineties¡­ do they?! PLEASE tell me they don¡¯t. ¡°Don¡¯t be overwhelmed,¡± Mrs. Macintire seemed to misread her expression. ¡°When we sit down with the bank people they¡¯ll walk you through everything.¡± ¡°I can handle it,¡± Tabitha promised with a sheepish smile. Okay, so maybe my parents never spoiled me¡­ but future conveniences ABSOLUTELY have. It¡¯s no big deal. Write down the numbers, subtract what I spend, keep track of it. Simple stuff. Just a necessary hassle for a few more years. ¡°Well, let¡¯s get this show on the road,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, finishing her coffee with one last swig. ¡°You¡¯ve got your backpack? Number two pencil, eraser?¡± ¡°I¡¯m all set!¡±
School wasn¡¯t back in session from winter break until the third, so Springton High was once again still, eerie, and quiet when they arrived. The bus loop was empty, but the adjacent parking lot was half-full, and Mrs. Macintire cruised on in and found a spot close to the offices, right where the spaces reserved for staff gave way to the ones for parents and students. The Student Parking sign had a laminated sheet next to it detailing how those with permits or driver¡¯s licenses could apply for a student parking tag, and Tabitha nearly gave herself whiplash attempting to quickly scan through the large print as they pulled past it. I could¡­ actually have a vehicle in high school this time through, Tabitha realized. Not sure why that never really occurred to me. Casey drives already, Matthew¡¯s just starting to. In my first life dad taught me to drive when I was seventeen, but buying a car was just absolutely out of the question, no one even considered it. ¡°Here we are,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°I¡¯m comin¡¯ in with you, but I might not stay.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªyou can just drop me off, if you want,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You don¡¯t have to¡ª¡± ¡°Not just gonna dump you here and say ¡®yeah good luck, figure it all out,¡¯ and have you call me when you¡¯re done,¡± Mrs. Macintire snorted. ¡°Again, Tabitha. It¡¯s a parent thing. Humor me.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Sorry?¡± Sandra arched an eyebrow as she switched off the engine. ¡°I mean¡ªI shouldn¡¯t be your problem in the first place. If¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, stop,¡± Mrs. Macintire blew a raspberry at her. ¡°C¡¯mon. What happened to calling me ¡®mom,¡¯ huh?¡± The pair left the Acura behind and walked on into the main office. To Tabitha¡¯s surprise, she wasn¡¯t the only teen there, a boy off to the side was waiting with his mother as well. ¡°Make-up exams?¡± The woman behind the counter asked. ¡°Yes¡­ I think,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I need to re-enroll first, though, probably. And um, and also put in a change of residence, if I need to register or anything to be put on the list for a bus stop.¡± ¡°Hoo-boy, alrighty,¡± The woman said. ¡°Name?¡± ¡°Tabitha Moore.¡±
Enrollment turned out to be such a tedious process that they had to interrupt it so that Tabitha could be led down the hall into a room to take the make-up exams. The boy from earlier was there, as well as two girls¡ªone of the girls recognized her and clearly kept eyeballing her, the others paid no attention to her. None of the students there spoke with one another or otherwise seemed familiar with each other, and Tabitha wasn¡¯t even sure what grades they were all in. In the end, it didn¡¯t matter; their testing proctor passed out different packets for each of them, and in no time at all Tabitha was immersing herself in the whimsical world of high school algebra.
Write each expression in a different way using the commutative law of addition.
1 + 4 =
Tabitha actually cringed, embarrassed on their behalf to have such an easy question on their semester final. She scanned quickly through the list of multiple choice answers, found 4 + 1, and penciled in the bubble. Commutative law of addition wasn¡¯t real high school level math, and proving that numbers added up the same no matter which order you added them in felt like something that had been exhaustively taught already in both elementary and middle school. I DEFINITELY remember more difficult questions on the middle school finals¡ªthis is a joke. The next three questions all followed suit, and then after that, Springton High delved into what must have been the real meat and jumped all the way forward to address the commutative law of multiplication.
10.1 x 2.8 =
The answer was¡ªshockingly¡ª2.8 x 10.1, and with an internal groan Tabitha took in the next three similar problems at a glance and penciled in the bubbles for the correct answers. Commutative law wound up being as simple as just writing the exact same numbers in the question, but backwards. Actually multiplying 10.1 x 2.8 would have been more of a challenge, although Tabitha did notice one of the multiple choice options was 28.28, which would have snared any freshman who failed to read what the problem was actually asking them to do. Maybe that¡¯s the real trick, Tabitha pondered. To get all these kids thinking that there¡¯s no way it¡¯s this simple, that they must be wanting you to solve. Nope, I¡¯m reading it right. Says ¡®write each expression in a different way,¡¯ and 2.8 x 10.1 is right there in the answers. The next section was covering associative law, and rather than the difficulty ramping up it was just increasingly annoying to double check the number sequences that began to spread the whole way across the page in parentheses and then nesting in several parentheses. It felt like busy work, and although it was frustrating, Tabitha knew that this was the way they were always going to evaluate their student¡¯s comprehension of what felt like the basics of the basics. After associative law came what Tabitha considered to be the quintessential algebra problems, with missing numbers and variables, which was unerringly just using simple arithmetic to complete equations. So, Tabitha solved for X, then she solved for A, and moving down through the questions on the page at speed she solved for B as well. Algebraic expressions were a joke to most everyone who had been through higher level math, Tabitha didn¡¯t fail to remember what exponents were and how they worked, simplifying linear expressions was easy, and there was nothing much at freshman level to give her pause until she reached quadratic equations. Ughhh, they¡¯re not even HARD, they¡¯re just SO ANNOYING, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but make a face. Fuck. Just even looking at them pisses me off.
Simplify each expression by combining like terms.
-3v2 + 9 +5v2 - 9v2 +8.
She¡¯d scrubbed a good deal of these nuisances out of her memory from her past life, and only the few months of school relearning them for homework refreshed her memory enough for her to reach -7v2 + 17. It was humbling in a way, because while plenty of ninth grade math she could breeze through effortlessly, there were still definitely some areas where staring at complex sequences of numbers felt like it was turning her brain into mush. How were these problems just a page or two after busywork like commutative law?! In Tabitha¡¯s opinion, the difficulty curve went right into the stratosphere, and she was forced to take her time working things out with a sour expression. I¡¯m more of an arts and literature girl, that¡¯s all, Tabitha told herself. I swear I¡¯m not stupid. It¡¯s just that I used all of this stuff EXACTLY ONCE in my last life, and it was only whenever I was in school like this. She had never had any love for math, so she found herself looking down on most of it for being too simple, and then infuriated when she couldn¡¯t see past the numbers to what she was supposed to do. Because after arriving at the answer, Tabitha was always forced to accept that she had been overthinking things, and once she got the knack of it again the multiple choice bubbles filled up with answers one after another. Even more galling, right after the hateful quadratic equations, the test moved right back on to figurative smooth-brain stuff like simplifying basic polynomials.
Simplify each expression.
Z - 1 + 4
It¡¯s Z + 3, right? Tabitha glared daggers at the page. Right?! Why weren¡¯t these shoved back into the kiddie section with the other stupidly simple ones?! I feel like I¡¯m taking crazy pills! Are we going to¡ªoh. Oh, I see. THAT¡¯S how it is, huh? After finishing the algebra semester exam, Tabitha double-checked through all of her answers and found none of them wanting; she raised her hand and the testing proctor came over and took her booklet and answer form and replaced it with a literature exam. While for the most part just as easy as the math had been, this one was more comfortable to Tabitha, like slipping on an old pair of shoes that was well broken in. Just like her language arts final had in middle school, this ninth grade English test ended off with an essay portion, but to her dismay she had to write in accordance to the given prompt.
Should high school students be required to wear uniforms?
This was a difficult one for Tabitha to sink her teeth into, because it honestly wasn¡¯t a topic she cared all that much about. There were obvious pros and cons to either side that could be argued, and now it was up to her to turn that into an essay cohesive enough that she would hopefully be placed in Elena¡¯s AP English class. Tabitha bit her lip for a moment as she considered which stance to take for her writing, and then finally put her pencil to the provided paper. Why requiring student uniforms is missing the forest for the trees, by Tabitha Moore. Isn¡¯t it naive to think all students learn in high school is the provided curriculum? Teenagers are brought together to socialize, to share in experiences with one another, communicate, bond, and learn to experience their role within a team. Muting one of the dominant forms of self-expression throughout the most important formative years for the sake of simplicity or practicality teaches conformity by suppressing individuality. Even just staring at her opening paragraph she wanted to cringe at it¡ªbut, this was hand-written, and she didn¡¯t have the freedom to edit as she went on the fly like she did with typed documents. Normally, on her first read-through pass she would have eliminated or reworded that redundant ¡®experience¡¯ in the second line, and reordering her list of extra-curricular aspects could have given a stronger impact. I certainly can¡¯t discount that uniforms are simple and practical, so I¡¯ll instead tackle why those points aren¡¯t enough, Tabitha decided. I know one of the reasons always propped up for uniforms was that it supposedly increased solidarity among a student body and therefore would reduce bullying or kids being ostracized by the crowd¡ªbut, hasn¡¯t Japan required uniforms for decades, and don¡¯t they have a pretty horrifying bullying epidemic that leads to a ton of suicides? The problem with bringing that up was that she couldn¡¯t cite her sources on it. Was it a strong enough assertion that she would be able to spin it as a generalization? Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure. The only other talking points in favor of uniforms she remembered were convenience, and cost. As someone who grew up in poverty, both of those could be difficult arguments to overcome¡ªbut not insurmountable. Convenience in this case meant choice was stricken away from them, and Tabitha now knew that putting together an outfit for the day could be enormous fun. Likewise, cost cut both ways, because while a set of uniforms was cheaper than a wide array of daywear¡­ wasn¡¯t the cost of things an important lesson in and of itself? If one is to take a further step back from the problem and acknowledge WHY modern attire exists in such endless variation, we arrive at another conclusion; everyone is different. Color of skin, stature, weight, body type¡ªwe are NOT a homogeneous people, so how can a single standardized uniform be equally flattering to all required to wear it? Uniforms are a ¡®one size fits most¡¯ approach, and I find it a poor compromise that shafts many teenagers who would otherwise be learning to accentuate their strengths. Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure she should be using terminology like shafted in a school essay, but as she reviewed her draft with a wry smile, she rather liked how it came across. Word choice could use a little work, she liked using accentuate but didn¡¯t feel like she was getting the most leverage from the words just by pairing it with something blunt like ¡®strengths.¡¯ A more visual example of a certain body type being made to wear a uniform that looked terrible on them would go a long ways, but for the moment Tabitha was drawing a blank on that. I¡¯ll think it over and come back to it, Tabitha decided as she continued. They gave me enough sheets that I can rewrite this completely at least once, and I should have plenty of time, still. I know for sure I¡¯m absolutely keeping the em dash¡ªthe em dash is the SUPERIOR punctuation, and my teachers here¡ªlike it or not¡ªare going to have to get used to seeing it more often.
¡°So?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked with an arched eyebrow. ¡°How was it?¡± ¡°Easy,¡± Tabitha answered in an honest voice. ¡°There shouldn¡¯t be any problems.¡± ¡°See? What¡¯d I tell you?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked the administrator woman manning the counter at the front office. ¡°She¡¯s some kinda genius.¡± ¡°Not hardly,¡± Tabitha denied, blushing with embarrassment. ¡°It¡¯s just freshman level stuff.¡± The administrator chuckled at that, sharing another look with Mrs. Macintire. The two seemed to have been chatting throughout the wait while Tabitha was testing, and the social ease with which that kind of spontaneous interaction happened here still seemed strange and outlandish to Tabitha. The awkward disconnect between people gathered together in the same space for extended periods of time was still the exception, rather than the norm. It would be years until the ¡®new normal¡¯ was everyone being absorbed in their phones or tablets. ¡°Well,¡± the administrator woman smacked a sheaf of papers on the counter with a flap. ¡°We will have to wait for your english and math results before we can figure out where we¡¯ll place you in those courses, but I think we have most everything else filled out, here. What do you think?¡± ¡°Classes for¡­ Biology, World History, Art 2D,¡± Tabitha read off the classes they were penciling her into for the second semester. ¡°Computer Science? Is that typing?¡± ¡°Business Technology is typing, I think Computer Science I think is more on the programming side of things,¡± the administrator remarked. ¡°What do you think?¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha pondered it over. ¡°I¡¯m not sure. Technology is advancing so quickly now, I would worry that anything I learn there will rapidly just become outdated.¡± ¡°We have leeway to move some things around, still,¡± the woman said. ¡°We could put you in Spanish 1, instead?¡± ¡°The only input I had was to keep you out of phys-ed courses for a while,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°On account of your injuries.¡± This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. ¡°Well, um, no¡ªI would like to have a physical course,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I won¡¯t be able to do everything right away, but I do want to recover and rehabilitate and become active again, and it would be great to have an instructor who could help me with any of that.¡± ¡°Oh! Uh¡ªwe actually don¡¯t have ¡®phys ed¡¯ as a course, anymore,¡± the office woman spoke up. ¡°But, we do have Personal Fitness, and then Weight Lifting as freshman electives. I think Personal Fitness is half nutritional studies and such in the classroom, and then the other half of it is a lot like what you¡¯d expect of a phys ed course.¡± ¡°Personal Fitness then, please, if at all possible,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Uh, for the performing or fine arts, do you have any availability for either creative writing or theater stuff? My mother was very keen on entering me into that as soon as possible.¡± ¡°We do have Theater, but it starts with sophomores and up, I¡¯m afraid,¡± the woman shook her head. ¡°Otherwise for fine arts, everything either starts at Art 2D as a requisite and moves into Drawing I or Painting I, or we put you into Band I if you¡¯re more musically inclined. I think there is a creative writing class, but again it¡¯s not for your grade level, and it would depend on how your English scores go from the testing.¡± ¡°They have your Art 2D down as your final class of the day, I thought you¡¯d want that,¡± Mrs. Macintire pointed out with a smile. ¡°Because, from what I understand, right after last class on Thursdays in the art room, it goes right into Art Club meetings.¡± ¡°Oh! That would be convenient, I suppose,¡± Tabitha mused. ¡°Let¡¯s go with that for now, then, and then I guess I¡¯ll have to speak with whichever English teacher I wind up with about sneaking me into creative writing.¡± ¡°Alrighty!¡± The administrator chirped, taking one of the pages back and sitting again to click through menus on her computer. ¡°Should be just a minute and I¡¯ll get another one printed out. Your bus route should be there, we already have a stop just towards the end of your street. You¡¯re all registered and good to go, your bus will be marked J-13, and you¡¯ll look for that at the end of school days when you head towards the bus loop.¡± ¡°That sounds great, thank you,¡± Tabitha said, glancing over the paper. ¡°Were there any other issues with missing coursework from first semester?¡± ¡°Nope nope nope, nothing like that,¡± the woman assured her. ¡°Mrs. Cribb had you down on leave of absence, and then that turned right into medical leave. No one should be giving you any grief¡ªall of your teachers were spoken to, nothing that happened was your fault, and none of your teachers had the slightest doubts you would have passed everything with flying colors¡ªyou¡¯re the one with several recommendations to skip on up a grade level! You still don¡¯t want do to that?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I¡¯d prefer to be in with those my own age, right now.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re really sure,¡± the woman gave her a wry smile. ¡°It¡¯s just¡ªif you did advance a grade level, it¡¯d open up most of the courses you were asking for. We could give you the testing for it today, even, if you¡¯d like.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha hesitated for a moment, shooting a glance towards Mrs. Macintire¡¯s too-proud smile. ¡°No, but thank you.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re sure,¡± the woman said again. ¡°Well, in that case I think we¡¯re all set to to go¡ªwe should have your testing today graded in the next couple days, and then we¡¯ll finalize you into either Algebra II or Geometry for math, and then it looks like you¡¯re headed to either Honors English or AP English. We¡¯ll give you a call once they know for sure.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Mrs. Macintire beamed with pride in a way that Tabitha didn¡¯t remember her own parents ever exhibiting. ¡°I think we¡¯re off to celebrate, then!¡± ¡°No! No,¡± Tabitha protested with a weak smile. ¡°No more shopping¡ªwe, we don¡¯t even know how the tests went, today. For all you know I could have flunked everything!¡± ¡°In which case¡­ we¡¯ll soften your sorrows with some shopping,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°C¡¯mon, kiddo.¡± ¡°I¡ªI was just at the mall not that long ago!¡± ¡°But, this is back to school shopping, it¡¯s different! Hannah needs her new things anyways¡ªyou wouldn¡¯t leave poor little old me alone shopping with Hannah, would you? That¡¯d be downright irresponsible, honey.¡±
Mrs. Moore¡¯s vision swam with pure terror in the unforgiving overhead lights of the supermarket, and simply functioning was already the limit of her abilities. Her mouth kept filling up with saliva and nervous gulps and swallows in case she was suddenly expected to speak had her feeling off-kilter and short of breath. ¡°Did you get that hon, or you need me to show you again?¡± Tracy asked, doing a performative slow turn away from the Food Lion register to give Mrs. Moore that unreadable stare again. Just beyond Tracy in the checkout aisle, a bearded man who was waiting on them to finish the sale and hand over a receipt regarded Mrs. Moore with visible impatience. A gamut of grocery items had already been piled onto their conveyor by the next customer, who was also standing there, and beyond him there was the next, and the next¡ªa line of them had formed. ¡°Uh, it¡¯s¡ªI think I got it,¡± Mrs. Moore lied. She absolutely couldn¡¯t bear the pressure of holding everyone up, and she had no way to articulate that she didn¡¯t understand the sales process, that Tracy was moving through things too fast for her to follow, that there was no way to ask her to slow down when everyone was standing there in a row, irritated, staring them down. The gallon jugs of milk were forming beads of condensation as they warmed, frozen goods were surely thawing out, vegetable stalks tied up in those transparent produce bags wilted in the roaring overhead heat of the Food Lion. With nothing else but a dismissive look, Tracy turned back to her job and ripped off the receipt paper to hand to the man. ¡°You have yourself a nice day, now,¡± Tracy rasped. ¡°Have¡ªhave a nice day,¡± Mrs. Moore pleaded. The man¡¯s receipt was already crumpled in his hand, and he strode off without comment. Although at first glance the exchange seemed impolite, Mrs. Moore was recognizing now that the man wasn¡¯t that miffed by the glacial speed of service. The customer, one of countless streaming by in an endless queue, wasn¡¯t even thinking about them at all anymore. While waiting he was maybe annoyed, but the moment the hangup was resolved and he could move on, he had already forgotten them. Mrs. Moore wasn¡¯t sure if that was a relief or not. It was better to be invisible, scarcely noticed by them and quickly passing out of thought. Surely. But, also¡ªthe entire cashier clerk experience was strangely dehumanizing, in ways she had been unable to realize until forced to stand on this side of the counter. When she dared to glance past their station and to the Food Lion cashier working at the next one, or the next, the same encounter played out endlessly. As workers here they weren¡¯t people, really, they were fixtures of the Food Lion, they played out their same task in repeat ad nauseam, forever, or at least until their shifts were over. Trapped in an unceasing horror of repetition as an endless array of products and faces streamed through their checkouts. The simple act of paying for groceries at the checkout was such an ordinary, trivial thing that she had taken for granted her entire life. Watching as that simple moment was instead stretched unnaturally into an unending revolving cycle of checkouts and nothing but checkouts, in what she was told were four-hour-long unbroken blocks¡ªit was more than a little maddening. ¡°Hi, how are you,¡± Tracy asked the next customer in her personless monotone. It was a greeting without any greeting in it; it was unconvincing script delivered in such a way as to indicate that while a courtesy was being offered, a response from the customer was neither expected nor particularly cared for. A dead voice. With practiced motions Tracy operated the conveyor switch with one hand and drew item after item past the glimmering red laser of the barcode scanner with her other. The movements were so smooth they were almost hypnotic, and Mrs. Moore watched in what felt like a trance as with a blip, blip, blip the terminal registered barcodes and fed numbers to station eight¡¯s point of sale device. The store was crowded, and there was altogether too much motion and activity pressing in on all sides for Shannon to even begin trying to perceive everything at once. A sort of numbing tunnel-vision had formed until her awareness shrank to just her immediate surroundings, and still it was all so overwhelming she wanted to burst into tears. The Food Lion cashier clerk apron she¡¯d been given hung from her neck and struggled to wrap around the coat she wore¡ªshe felt she looked ridiculous, in the heat of Food Lion¡¯s furnace system blowing hot air near the doors she was stifled with sweat, and she knew that if that assistant store manager John didn¡¯t rescue her soon, she was going to hyperventilate. ¡°Now¡ªhey, watch what I¡¯m doin¡¯, yer gonna be on yer own tomorrow,¡± Tracy admonished, waving Mrs. Moore in closer to the terminal. ¡°These here? These, an¡¯ any of the stuff in produce bags like this, they ain¡¯t gon¡¯ have a barcode. You gotta punch in the PLU y¡¯self, and set ¡®em on here jus¡¯ like¡ªso, like that, an¡¯ the machine¡¯ll weigh ¡®em. The codes are¡­?¡± ¡°The codes are, they¡¯re on the laminate thing?¡± Mrs. Moore was frantic to answer, because twenty minutes ago when Tracy asked this, she didn¡¯t know, but should have. It was one of the first things Tracy had explained. ¡°The laminate thing hanging on the ring there below the, the¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s right, have the sheet hanging right here at all the stations,¡± Tracy narrated as if by rote. ¡°You won¡¯t need it ¡®fore too long, you¡¯ll remember ¡®em all. But, look here¡ªcauliflower. See here at cauliflower? Read me this PLU. For cauliflower.¡± ¡°Th-the PLU number, it¡¯s four five seven two,¡± Mrs. Moore leaned in to read the listing off at a stammer. ¡°Cauliflower; four, five, seven, two.¡± ¡°And, we punch in like so¡ªand¡ªthere,¡± Tracy tapped the code in, saw the price pop up, and had the baggie of cauliflower off the scale and into a grocery bag before Mrs. Moore could even back out of the way of the woman¡¯s elbow. It was busy, too busy for Tracy to be training her, and in truth Tracy wasn¡¯t supposed to be training her¡ªeither assistant store manager John in the intimidating vest and tie hadn¡¯t communicated this properly, or Tracy didn¡¯t care. Every other minute or so, just long enough for Mrs. Moore¡¯s panicked attention to lapse in the direction of something else, Tracy would explain a single facet of the job or quiz her on something she¡¯d explained earlier. I-I¡¯m not supposed to be training yet, this, this shouldn¡¯t be my REAL job training, right?! Mrs. Moore fought off the creeping grasp of hysteria. I was supposed to just, just stand by and watch one of the cashiers, so I could get a better idea of what I might be doing. That¡¯s what he said! It¡¯s been, what, AN HOUR of this already?! Where the hell did assistant store manager John even run off to?! Please, PLEASE come and save me! A little over an hour ago, Mrs. Moore had been seated in a cramped and cluttered back office for her hiring interview. Food Lion was the only place she¡¯d put in an application that had called her back, and after her insides wrenching into knots with nervous anticipation and nearly throwing up her breakfast, Shannon Moore had dressed up as presentable as possible, stiffened her chin, and gone in for the job interview. Except, there was no interview. Assistant store manager John instead ran her through what she realized was orientation, explained how great it would be to have her because they were so short on seasonal help, and immediately threw her to the wolves. When he suggested she don the Food Lion apron today and observe for a bit at one of the registers, Mrs. Moore had been thrilled and quickly agreed¡ªit seemed like despite all of her fears, she had this job in the bag! Of course she would agree, she was eager to prove herself to her prospective new employer, show that she was willing to learn and work. The reality of the situation, the incomprehensible cashier terminal with its too-simple numbers display she didn¡¯t understand, and the manner with which Tracy rattled off details she needed to remember while multi-tasking the backed-up checkout line at station eight sheared away layer after layer of Mrs. Moore¡¯s fabricated confidence until she was millimeters away from giving up on everything and fleeing the Food Lion. The cash drawer had its own nuances she needed to pick up, personal checks had to be on this one side, beneath the magic pen she was supposed to mark every denomination of bill over ten dollars with. She was supposed to mind her change at all times and be ready in advance to call a manager over for assistance for new rolls of quarters, dimes, nickels, or pennies as necessary. She would have to be careful to never ever close the drawer until she was absolutely sure she had the correct change for a customer in hand, because once the thing was closed it wouldn¡¯t open again until a new sale started, and calling a manager for keys held up the line for everyone. And, if my till is more than five dollars over OR under, it¡¯s a write up, Mrs. Moore remembered Tracy¡¯s warning. Three write ups and that¡¯s a suspension, but I¡¯m not supposed to worry too much about getting fired for it, because she says everyone¡¯s drawers are always a little off. The suspensions are only in effect when they¡¯re not short-handed, which is never, and are just an excuse to never give anyone the ten cent raises John said everyone gets after the three month evaluation. There were PLU codes to learn and memorize, she would have to ask each customer if they had a Food Lion MVP card which gave them various small discounts¡ªsomething Shannon noticed Tracy didn¡¯t actually do¡ªbut also there was a separate system for coupons customers might clip out of the monthly ad inserts that went out. Those involved one of the many terminal buttons with abbreviations she didn¡¯t understand, and then you also had to tuck the given coupon beneath the drawer in a ragged messy pile, and not lose any of them, because if you didn¡¯t have proof of the discounts you applied, your drawer would be off by however much the coupon was for and you¡¯d get written up. ¡°Hey,¡± Tracy called over her shoulder. ¡°What was your name again, hon?¡± ¡°Uh¡ªShannon,¡± Mrs. Moore answered, wringing her hands. ¡°Shannon.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m fixin¡¯ to go on break here in a minute,¡± Tracy said. ¡°Do you know what you¡¯re supposed to be doin¡¯ after this?¡± ¡°I¡ªum¡ªno,¡± Mrs. Moore admitted with a wince. ¡°I, I wasn¡¯t told. He said¡ªJohn said I was supposed to, to observe, right now. I¡¯ve been waiting for him to come back by and, um. Tell me whatever I¡¯m supposed to be doing next. But, I haven¡¯t seen¡ª¡± ¡°John?¡± Tracy gave her a confused glance. ¡°Store manager John? Hon, he went home a half hour ago, he¡¯s already off the clock.¡± ¡°O-oh, okay,¡± Mrs. Moore let out a nervous laugh. ¡°Um. Then¡ª?¡± ¡°I dunno hon, you need to head back through the office and find whatever manager came in for afternoon shift. I can¡¯t be watchin¡¯ you all day, that¡¯s not my job.¡± Tracy then turned away in clear dismissal, flicked off the light for station eight, and continued ringing up the last customer who was waiting on them there. Relieved to be done observing checkout line work¡ªbut finding herself more stressed than ever¡ªMrs. Moore disengaged her focus on their single area and forced her awareness back to the larger context of the entire grocery store. It was strange, and it felt like being startled awake from a fitful, restless nightmare. She took one uncertain step away from the checkout, and then another, and then was forced to hurry forward several more to move out of a person¡¯s way, nearly clipping the bulging grocery bags the guy was carrying. In a daze of confusion, Mrs. Moore picked her way back across the sales floor towards the back office, weaving around customers with their shopping carts and passing by a young worker crouched along the dairy coolers who wore the same kind of Food Lion apron she had on. He gave her a brief should I know you look, before losing interest and returning his attention to the jugs of milk in the milk crate he had carried out. Mrs. Moore felt herself flush with embarrassment, feeling like an imposter. She hadn¡¯t been introduced to anyone except Tracy, and she knew from the brief orientation that the jacket she was wearing beneath the apron wasn¡¯t up to code for their required employee uniform. She didn¡¯t even have a nametag! I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m not actually on the clock! Mrs. Moore reminded herself. I shouldn¡¯t even be in their system, yet. I don¡¯t REALLY work here, not until, until¡ªI don¡¯t know! I can¡¯t believe the manager just¡­ LEFT. Did he just FORGET about me?! It took a moment of steeling herself before she worked up the courage to push past the employees only door in the back. Was she allowed back here? It felt like she shouldn¡¯t be back here, but she did need answers as to what on earth she was supposed to be doing, or what was going on¡ªbecause she felt completely lost in whatever part of the hiring process this was. The back hallway was empty, but in the break room area across the way, a young cashier woman and a tall, thin stock boy of some sort were conversing. Too timid to approach them, Mrs. Moore crept over to peek into the office where assistant store manager John had spoken with her¡ªit was empty. ¡°What¡¯cha lookin¡¯ for, sweetie?¡± The cashier woman called over. ¡°You lookin¡¯ for Bob?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Shannon froze. ¡°I might¡­ maybe? John, uh, the store manager John, he was havin¡¯ me through the hiring stuff, and then he had me watching¡­um¡­¡± In a sudden and shocking betrayal, the name of the grumpy cashier woman she¡¯d stood with for most of the morning and part of the afternoon momentarily vanished from recollection. Panic flooded her veins as she realized she¡¯d lost part of what she had intended to say. The two employees were both staring at her with bemused expectation. ¡°¡ªhad me with, um, she was¡ªit was one of the cashier clerks¡ª¡± ¡°Tracy?¡± The teenage stock boy supplied with a grin. ¡°Think I saw you over there shadowing Tracy.¡± ¡°Tracy! Yes, I, I lost her name for a moment, hah,¡± Shannon gave them a cringing smile, so embarrassed she could die. ¡°Tracy. But, she said that store manager John had already left? I wasn¡¯t sure what I was supposed to do next?¡± ¡°Ah, yeah, Tracy¡¯s real nice,¡± the young cashier woman finally nodded in understanding. ¡°Probably just wait here ¡®til manager Bob¡¯s back on through¡ªor, if you want I could call him?¡± ¡°Oh, I can wait here I guess,¡± Shannon flushed. ¡°I¡¯ll call him,¡± the cashier woman stood up and slipped past her into the office. ¡°Brandon,¡± the stockboy introduced himself, offering Mrs. Moore his hand. ¡°An¡¯ that¡¯s Cindy. You¡¯re just starting?¡± ¡°Shannon,¡± Mrs. Moore hurried to take his hand. ¡°I, well, I hope so? I feel like John just¡­ forgot about me? Hah ha¡­¡± ¡°He¡¯s a real asshole,¡± Brandon leaned in to confide in a low voice, never losing his grin. ¡°Manager John.¡± Mrs. Moore didn¡¯t know whether to laugh or cry¡ªthe first impressions she personally had ran directly contrary to what each of these associates told her. Assistant store manager John had seemed super friendly and personable but apparently he was an asshole; Tracy was supposedly ¡®real nice,¡¯ but had in actuality been standoffish and cold towards her. ¡°Manager, line one,¡± Cindy¡¯s voice resounded¡ªboth from the office next to them, and crackling over the store intercom. ¡°Manager, line one.¡± When Shannon whirled to look back through the door, she saw Cindy was holding a phone above the messy desk there. ¡°Should just be a sec,¡± Cindy promised, looking pleased with herself for grabbing a chance to show off using the intercom. ¡°He¡¯ll either pick up over in bakery, or just head right on back here.¡± ¡°Th-thank you,¡± Shannon said, trying to recollect herself. ¡°Thank you so much.¡± Thus far, everyone save for Tracy appeared to be younger than Mrs. Moore, but it was difficult to determine by how much. Tracy had possessed a stout figure and bulldog face with drooping jowls, but sported the most artificial burgundy-red shade of dyed hair Mrs. Moore had ever seen. Cindy here was a slightly dumpy young twenty-something with dull blonde hair¡ªher first assumption was ¡®young mother,¡¯ and then Brandon here from his height and gangly stature she would guess was perhaps eighteen or nineteen. So far, no one had seemed to judge Shannon for being too old to reenter the workforce, or too fat, or questioned why she had the gall to think she could work here. Certainly no one had recognized her as previously being Shannon Delain. Part of that was comforting, but then the cynical side of her¡ªstill frantic with stress from the past few hours¡ªinsisted that it was simply because she was no one to them. Invisible, an absolute nobody that no one had any cause to care about, for better or for worse. The idea was liberating in a very depressing way. ¡°Who called?¡± A balding middle aged man leaned through the employees only door. He wore a vest and tie instead of an apron, which meant he was a person in charge, so this must be the store manager Bob. ¡°I did,¡± Cindy said. ¡°Manager John started gettin¡¯ this lady set up an¡¯ had her with Tracy, but then he took off without leavin¡¯ her any instructions or nothin¡¯ on what to do.¡± ¡°Great. Figures,¡± Bob said with a frown, stepping the rest of the way into the back and offering Mrs. Moore a handshake. ¡°Bob. It¡¯s usually me or Phil managing at night. Did John get you set up with a file, yet? What was your name?¡± ¡°Shannon,¡± Mrs. Moore said, quickly wiping her clammy hand against her apron so she could shake. ¡°And¡ªI, I¡¯m not sure. I was just first in for my interview today.¡± ¡°Huh. I guess it went pretty well, then?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore gave him a helpless laugh. She really wanted to start crying. ¡°I guess?¡±
¡°You guys went to the mall without me!¡± Alicia accused into the phone handset. ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Elena replied through the little speaker. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°I mean¡ªc¡¯mon, what the hell?¡± Alicia grumbled. ¡°I totally would¡¯ve gone with you.¡± ¡°I know. Just¡­¡± Elena let out a sigh, and Alicia felt a surge of panic. Was Elena about to launch into a difficult explanation for why they would no longer be friends? What did her and Tabitha talk about? Did they talk about her? About her maybe having weird feelings for Tabitha? What was going on? The sudden exclusion from something like a mall outing stung, and Alicia¡¯s biggest fear was that this was just the beginning of the end for her halcyon high school days with a pair of close friends. Halcyon is such a cool word. Alicia grit her teeth as she wrestled back the urge to tell Elena to quit with the dramatic pauses and just spit out whatever it was she was about to say. The friendship insecurity that always surged back up was getting so exhausting, and she felt stupid for falling back into it over and over again. After all, she¡¯d spent the past several days playing the cherished atomic purple Gameboy Color Elena had gifted her for Christmas, immersed deep in Pokemon. The Gameboy itself was proof of how solid their friendship was. Alicia¡¯s team was led by her badass Gyrados¡ªincidentally named Halcyon¡ªwith a supporting roster of a Pikachu, a Ponyta, a Ghastly, and a Vulpix. Between her own research and some tips from Casey, Alicia had only the most absolutely awesome monsters, but her last slot remained empty until Casey could trade her a Meowth to evolve into a Persian. ¡°Just what?¡± Alicia finally demanded. ¡°I guess I kinda¡­ messed up,¡± Elena admitted. ¡°I did something stupid, it was about Tabitha, and we¡ªwe needed to talk about it with just the two of us.¡± ¡°Stupid how,¡± Alicia¡¯s temper flared for a moment. ¡°What did you do?!¡± ¡°I¡­ went to my mom with some of the future stuff,¡± Elena said. ¡°Sort of. Not all of it, and not even really the ¡®future¡¯ parts. Just, I¡ªI thought maybe Tabitha was trying to, uh, to say something with the way she was telling us all of that. I guess. I thought we had to make sure she wasn¡¯t being¡­ abused or molested or anything.¡± ¡°You snitched?!¡± Alicia found herself in disbelief. ¡°And, and¡ªwhat happened? What did your mom say? What did Tabitha say?!¡± ¡°My mom doesn¡¯t know about the future stuff,¡± Elena clarified. ¡°Just, I told her Tabitha told us that she knew a girl named Julie who was being abused. So that we could make sure that if that was something really happening, something would be done about it. Okay?¡± ¡°Except, Julie is negative two years old right now,¡± Alicia remarked with a dry laugh. ¡°So¡ª¡± ¡°Negative one, right?¡± Elena interrupted. ¡°Since it¡¯s 1999, now.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah. Negative one,¡± Alicia growled. ¡°Still, to go and like, snitch about it? What were¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not like snitching,¡± Elena defended herself. ¡°I thought someone was in danger from things I heard. Maybe it was this Julie girl, maybe it was actually code for Tabitha just trying to talk about herself without like, actually talking about herself. How am I supposed to know? It¡¯s like¡ªbetter safe than sorry. Right?¡± ¡°I dunno,¡± Alicia refused to agree. ¡°You should¡¯ve talked through it with Tabitha first.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena sighed again. ¡°Maybe. I don¡¯t know. Tabitha believes the time traveler stuff, though. So I¡ªI don¡¯t know. It didn¡¯t feel like she was the reliable person to go to, in case someone really was being abused.¡± ¡°And you told Tabitha all of this?¡± Alicia pressed. ¡°Are you two okay?¡± ¡°We are,¡± Elena said. ¡°She wasn¡¯t very mad, she mostly understood. She still thinks she¡¯s from the future, I still don¡¯t think so. We just¡­ agreed to disagree, on that. We¡¯re still friends, though.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Alicia finally allowed herself to slightly relax her shoulders. ¡°Okay. But, like. Still.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said. ¡°Yeah,¡± Alicia grunted back while she felt a smile forming. ¡°Sooo¡ªhave you been playing Pokemon Yellow? What¡¯s your highest level?¡± ¡°Oh, God,¡± Elena snorted. ¡°Not even twenty, yet. I¡¯ve only been playing a bit. Tabitha¡¯s already beaten the whole freaking game, I think. She went on and on about strategies and theories and stuff for a while. She¡¯s really into it.¡± ¡°I figured,¡± Alicia said. ¡°Buuut¡ªI¡¯ve got a Gyrados, so. There¡¯s no way in hell she¡¯s beating me. Not a chance.¡± ¡°Gyrados?¡± ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s this giant badass oriental dragon looking thing,¡± Alicia boasted. ¡°I named him Halcyon. My dad said it¡¯s Chinese for clear waters after a typhoon.¡± ¡°Huh. I have¡­ a Butterfree.¡± ¡°What¡¯d you name it?¡± ¡°Uh¡­ it¡¯s just called ¡®Butterfree.¡¯¡± ¡°Are you not naming any of your Pokemon?!¡± ¡°No? Should I have?¡± ¡°I mean. Yeah?¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°I thought you of all people would¡¯ve come up with something I dunno, super cool and goth for each of them?¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know! Something cool!¡± ¡°Like what?!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know! Butterfree. Bitterfree? Beetlejuice? How¡­ about¡­ ¡®Chaos?¡¯ Like ¡®cause he¡¯s a butterfly, and the chaos theory thing with butterflies flapping their wings? Neat reference to sneak in. ¡®Chaos¡¯ is pretty cool. What¡¯s the Chinese word for ¡®Chaos?¡± ¡°Oh, sure. Let me just whip out my Chinese-English dictionary I keep on hand.¡± ¡°Pfft, well¡ªI don¡¯t know. I¡¯ll ask my dad?¡± ¡°How about I name him¡­ ¡®Sushi?¡¯¡± ¡°¡®Lena, that¡¯s Japanese, not Chinese.¡± ¡°Alicia¡ª¡± Elena paused again. ¡°You do realize Pokemon is Japanese, right?! It¡¯s from Japan.¡± ¡°Oh, shoot,¡± Alicia froze. ¡°You actually might be right?!¡± ¡°Of course I¡¯m right!¡± 54, Return to Springton High. Tabitha felt anxious huddled up with hunched shoulders at the curbside, watching for the bus that would spirit her away to her long-anticipated big return to Springton High. Waiting with her were three other teenagers, but none of them spoke to one another. They were each bundled up in what must have been five different layers of winter clothing and unrecognizable¡ªthis morning at least no one seemed to notice or even care that Tabitha was a newcomer to their bus stop. It was that cold. Temperatures had plummeted throughout the tail end of winter break until now; sidewalks and lawns glittered with ice crystals, and a rime of frost persisted in the shadows beneath parked cars and suburban hedges. At thirty degrees fahrenheit it was uncommonly cold for Kentucky, and the bitter chill in the air was painful to breathe. The corner curb here at the end of the street featured the concrete slab of a storm drain atop which it was convenient for them to stand, and although the bus stop was on the same street the Macintires lived on, it was a long street, and their place wasn¡¯t visible because of the bend of the road. Her outer layer was a bulky hunting jacket borrowed from Officer Macintire¡ªcamouflage pattern with neon orange highlights¡ªbeneath that, the hoodie pilfered ages ago from her father, and underneath that was the gray fit-and-flare winter dress presented to her way back when she was released from the hospital; the one grandma Laurie had tailored so that the one sleeve had ample room for her cast to fit through. Both of her outerwear hoods were up overtop of a new hat and scarf set she¡¯d discovered in the bucket with her forgotten birthday presents. Beneath the dress she wore her nice white jeans, because it was way too cold today to go without, and she¡¯d also donned her second pair of new shoes; snazzy brand new white ones that ate up most of the JC Penny gift card she¡¯d been given for Christmas. Ugh! The look on Sandra¡¯s face when she found out I¡¯d intended to just wear my new running shoes for everything every day, Tabitha wore a wan smile, nose and cheeks stinging even despite being wrapped in her scarf. And, she wanted to just throw out my old sneakers! Even when they still fit! Each of the teens huddled there in silence, simply bracing themselves against the cold. Tabitha couldn¡¯t guess what grades these kids might have been in or how old they might be, likewise no one had immediately identified her as Springton High¡¯s social pariah. The rumor mill redhead, whose mysterious conflict with some of the sophomore girls had resulted in a string of suspensions¡­ and an attempted homicide. She¡¯d had weeks to steel her nerves for walking back into that level of attention, and finally thought she was ready. ¡®Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated,¡¯ Tabitha planned to say to the inevitable questions. That¡¯s a super clever thing to say, right? Mark Twain quote and everything. Didn¡¯t get a chance to use that one back there at the Hot Topic, but since I already thought it up and all, it¡¯d be a shame not to use it. That¡¯s such a great line! She¡¯d practiced it several times in the bathroom mirror this morning, forcing herself to slow down the cadence of her speech so that she wasn¡¯t just eagerly blurting it out. Now, her only fear was that enough people wouldn¡¯t be listening when she actually delivered it, because repeating the line would be uncool. Worse yet, maybe others would be talking over her or interrupt her moment¡ªTabitha had to time her chance perfectly. If she stumbled over her words or misspoke, that would be it, and everything would be ruined. It¡¯s totally not cringe, Tabitha lied to herself. Going over cool things to say in the mirror by yourself is a perfectly normal teenager thing to do. I bet if I asked Elena or Alicia, they¡¯d agree. Not that I WILL ever ask them that or admit that, because yeah¡­ that¡¯d be super embarrassing. So¡­ okay, maybe it IS super cringe. It¡¯s super cringe, but ONLY if anyone finds out. Which they won¡¯t. Right? Still gonna use the line if the right time appears. Because no one had realized who she was yet, Tabitha fancied herself in disguise. Maybe she could even pull off some sort of thrilling big reveal. Idle juvenile fantasies such as that where she impressed everyone with a big dramatic debut tumbled through her head one after another without much serious thought invested in them. They helped distract from how freezing it was, they were silly daydreams that softened the vague sort of dread she had for going back to school. The sophomores who were out to get her were mostly removed from the equation, now. It stood to reason that while maybe the rest of the student body wouldn¡¯t like her, that at least the ones who actually hated her were gone now. She had so much more confidence now, she¡¯d grown and learned and struggled through some of that, so things could be different, this time. She was going to do it right. Have friends, be a little popular. Enjoy a normal adolescence for once. Not going to shrink away from all of that anymore, Tabitha swore to herself. I¡¯m not trailer trash, now. Mostly. I, I have MULTIPLE OUTFITS. Instead of basically one change of clothes for each weekday on careful wash rotation. I have FRIENDS. If people have snide remarks or talk down to me, I¡¯ll just go to Elena. Or Alicia and Casey and the art club clique. Matthew. Olivia. I know at least A FEW people, now, so this school experience won¡¯t be the same wilderness of horrors. I¡¯ll have little pockets of safety here and there now, ones that can maybe grow out as I meet more people and form into some semblance of normal. All so long as she didn¡¯t panic, or freeze up, or make a fool of herself. She couldn¡¯t run away from the socializing and retreat to her introvert comfort zone, because she needed to meet people, talk with people, assert herself as a human being to them so that their image of ¡®Tabitha Moore¡¯ didn¡¯t remain a collection of rumors and slander and hearsay. It was going to be difficult and unpleasant at first, surely, but with time it would get easier. Right? I can do this. Their ride finally announced itself with the rumbling rattle of its diesel engine, and a high-bodied yellow bus appeared, its row of windows fogged enough to render the scattered students seated throughout blurry and indistinct. The vehicle lurched to a halt with a hiss of hydraulics, and Tabitha followed the others to board as a little motorized STOP sign swung out from the side of the bus like the fin of a fish. Climbing up to enter, Tabitha discovered the bus was warm inside but it also smelled of sweat, and as the aisle of seats came into view she saw that their stop must be somewhere midway through bus thirteen¡¯s route. The benches were less than half full here, whereas she remembered back on bus fifteen the trailer park was one of the last stops, so it was always difficult to find room to sit. The students were in disarray, some still bundled up from the cold while others had unzipped jackets in the heat or removed layers entirely to heap them on the seat next to them. I can claim a whole empty seat to myself! Tabitha thought, a little thrilled. Now it¡¯ll be on someone else to awkwardly make eye contact or ask for permission to sit with ME, this time. How the tables have turned! She took the bench for herself and sat, gingerly reaching up to separate her hoods and pull them back without having them take her hat with them, then adjusting her scarf down to below her face. Her cheeks were still flushed from the cold, Tabitha scooted in to occupy the window spot and readjusted her bookbag into her lap while she looked around the bus with interest. ¡°Holy shit,¡± The guy in the bench across from her said, causing some heads to turn in her direction. ¡°You¡¯re Tabitha, right?¡± ¡°Um¡­ hi?¡± Tabitha offered him a shy wave. ¡°Gary, right?¡± She didn¡¯t recognize him, but hopefully the basketball he was clutching gave him away; he was a pale, lean-bodied older teen in tracksuit pants and a puffy half-open Kentucky Wildcats winter jacket. No backpack or bag of any kind was apparent; just the basketball. He looked surprised to see her here, but perhaps even more startled to be recognized by her in turn, and Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile. ¡°You know me?¡± Gary asked with a quizzical look. ¡°Casey said you lived nearby,¡± Tabitha explained, eyeballing his basketball. ¡°She said you were like, the basketball guy around town.¡± ¡°Hah, damn right,¡± Gary grinned. ¡°You play?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± Tabitha lifted her one arm. ¡°Still have a fracture. Would love to try, though. Maybe in a couple months?¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± Gary nodded. ¡°Have you played much before, though like¡ªyou know how to play?¡± ¡°Of course!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯ve seen Space Jam, that¡¯s basically it, right?¡± ¡°Ahhh-hah ha ha HAHHH!¡± One of the guys a few seats back jeered¡ªfrom the cut of his jib he seemed to be one of Gary¡¯s friends and simply jumping at the chance to heckle him. ¡°Broooo¡ª¡± Tabitha twisted in her seat and made sure the smile she had on was a teasing one so that they knew she was kidding, while the bus rocked as it turned through the suburban neighborhood in search of its next stop. She felt¡­ pretty good about things, so far. The last time she¡¯d tried to use a pop culture reference in this same sort of situation on a school bus she¡¯d cited Eminem lyrics, which at the time didn¡¯t exist yet¡ªand therefore failed spectacularly. This time, she¡¯d nailed it. Space Jam was a mid-nineties movie for sure. ¡°That¡¯s uhh, yeah basically,¡± Gary laughed. ¡°Guess you kinda got the gist of it. Space Jam, hah. So, you¡¯re Casey¡¯s friend?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha affirmed. ¡°She¡¯s one of the few upperclassmen who, uh, isn¡¯t some sort of vengeful psychopath?¡± ¡°Haaah, yeah,¡± Gary said. ¡°Man, those girls had it out for you, like, holy shit. What did you do?¡± ¡°I wish I knew!¡± Tabitha remarked with a bitter smile. ¡°High school girls. They¡¯re just downright dangerous! You¡¯ve gotta be careful around them¡ªyou know, don¡¯t ever show them you¡¯re afraid. Don¡¯t leave food out. Never travel alone.¡± Both of the guys laughed at that, and Tabitha flooded with relief. Inwardly, her heart was beating out of control as her mind raced for witty or memorable things to say. Applying situational humor like this was so much easier when it was just her and Hannah! There was something mentally exhausting about trying to be cool in front of people she was just meeting for the first time. The right words were coming to her¡ªfor now¡ªbut at enormous effort and exertion, because she already felt like she¡¯d done good enough for today and was ready to treat herself with quiet alone time in the school library. Away from everyone else, so that she could recharge her mental batteries. No, no. I¡¯ve got this. I¡¯m doing okayish enough. Just have to keep at it throughout the school day, and it¡¯ll get easier. Among the youths picked up along bus thirteen¡¯s meandering route were several more of Gary¡¯s friends, and as the seats filled up, occasional discourse and banter flew back and forth. Rather than retreating into herself and putting her head down, Tabitha forcibly kept her body language open¡ªfacing away from the window and towards the interior, keeping a small smile up, turning her attention towards each of them whenever a dialogue formed¡ªand her apparent interest and engagement was rewarded with Gary and his first friend fielding a question or two her way. I even spoke up on my own, to one of the guys I haven¡¯t even been introduced to! Tabitha thought with giddy pride. A few heads snapped my way, sure, but no one laughed, or commented on it, or thought I was speaking out of turn. Her nerves felt like they were pulled taut, but eventually they did arrive at Springton High¡¯s bus loop, and when Tabitha stood with everyone else to disembark, she felt she did so among acquaintances rather than total strangers. Not friends, yet, perhaps, but the first steps had been made and after all¡ªacquaintances weren¡¯t as scary as strangers. ¡°Later, Gary!¡± Tabitha said with a casual wave as they went in different directions. The words almost didn¡¯t come out even though she¡¯d run them through her head several times as she worked up the courage for it. Her voice wasn¡¯t as cool as she¡¯d meant it to sound, but at least it didn¡¯t crack like she¡¯d feared it would, and maybe her wave was too stiff and awkward. Would it seem too personal, when they¡¯d just met and she probably wouldn¡¯t even need both hands to count the sentences they¡¯d exchanged? She wasn¡¯t sure. ¡°Later!¡± He called back. A moment later a friend of Gary¡¯s smacked his arm and leaned in close to whisper something. Tabitha only caught a glimpse of the heckler friend¡¯s face¡ªhis name had never come up in conversation despite her straining her ears for information the entire ride to school¡ªbut it seemed more amused than anything else. He likely wasn¡¯t immediately recounting the vicious rumors from the past year that clung to Tabitha like a stench she couldn¡¯t shake. She was just feeling paranoid about everything. I¡¯m fine, everything¡¯s fine, Tabitha told herself. I¡¯m an average to better-than-average looking teenage girl, and almost all freshmen are single but feeling interest. Right? I um, from the boys at least, I can expect a small grace period where what I receive is just teasing or light-hearted nonsense. Stuff they can walk back on if necessary, before general consensus on me really solidifies. Then, at that point¡ªeither I¡¯m able to assert myself over the ill-intended rumor version of me in public opinion, or I¡¯m not able to. Just, for that to have a chance of happening, I have to put in the corresponding effort. People have to KNOW ME. Being back out in the cold stung but Tabitha slipped off her hat anyways and arranged her hair, because it was harder for people to identify her when she was all bundled up. People here and there looked at her, but with the school situation being back from winter break for everyone rather than first day of school the tension and level of scrutiny her peers had for one another wasn¡¯t as high. As she stepped across the commons scattered groups of kids formed into bunches here and there in front of the trifecta of administration, auditorium, and gymnasium buildings. Just as many more kids were already scurrying off in search of their classrooms; it was cold out. ¡°Tabitha!¡± A voice called out. ¡°You¡¯re back!¡± As if she was suddenly in the spotlight, the nearby crowds seemed to part as dozens of people looked over at once. Just standing by Tabitha, a circle of girls shifted and six or seven of them were gawking at her all at once¡ªit was a sudden sea of faces. While some of them looked familiar, her head was swimming at the sudden onslaught of attention and recognition of individual names and contexts parted like a school of panicked fish before Tabitha could latch onto even one of them. She knew that girl for sure, but from which class? Then this other girl with the flushed face and teased out hair, was she from Marine Science, or English? Did Tabitha detect disgust and hostility? Surprise and interest? She wasn¡¯t sure, because her mind was going blank and for a moment despite her pounding heartbeat, her blood felt like it stilled. Hopefully, the wry smile frozen on her features looked natural rather than idiotic. ¡°Tabs!¡± Alicia¡ªthe voice from just then¡ªmanaged to squeeze through the throng. Her friend was dressed in a winter parka that went down almost to her knees, and wore her hair down in corkscrew curls that framed her face beneath a beanie. She was beaming, and seemed so much more confident and put together than Tabitha remembered from the last time she was here¡ªlike she was really coming into her own style. Moreover, Alicia wasn¡¯t alone; she had an unfamiliar girl in tow. ¡°Tabs, meet Jay. Jay, Tabs,¡± Alicia hurried to introduce them while mashing the padding of her parka against the layers of Tabitha¡¯s coat in a quick hug. ¡°Art club¡ªpainter, she uhh, she finger-paints, or something?¡± ¡°Janaye,¡± the girl said with a small smirk. ¡°Oils and acrylics.¡± With dirty blonde hair carefully styled, glasses, and a thin gold necklace with a cross that hung down over a sweater, Janaye had the appearance of a model student or an achiever. The neat, somewhat bookish appearance put Tabitha at ease, and she would guess this girl was older than them by a year or two. A sophomore, or maybe a junior. ¡°Hi,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Tabitha, or even Tabby is fine. I write fiction?¡± ¡°Fashion,¡± Alicia corrected. ¡°Tabs is gonna bring outfits to our next art show. We already have the one mannequin, right?¡± ¡°Er, yeah, I do that too,¡± Tabitha laughed, following as Alicia directed them along the concrete path. ¡°With my grandma.¡± ¡°That¡¯s cool,¡± Janaye remarked. As they threaded through the early morning stream of students, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but marvel at how little had changed. While it was normal in the mornings for many to congregate in the front commons before first bell, many also gravitated towards the quad in the back¡ªthe walkway between administration and the auditorium continued on past Springton High¡¯s lunch room and the library opposite it to where things began to branch off towards the sprawl of class buildings. Just beyond that, the quad area was an open courtyard with tables and waist-high planters, the area itself ringed by the more esoteric classrooms that pulled double-duty as club rooms. I really think I DID miss it. I withdrew right when I was starting to open up a bit more, and it had felt like I was on the cusp of¡­ I don¡¯t know, SOMETHING. The art room was adjacent to the theater room, and the two were in fact connected via a big storage closet that they shared; the concrete surface just outside the theater room¡¯s doors showed blotchy rectangular outlines in paint from where the theater kids had spray-painted props and backdrops in the past. Because they were also clubs, both doors were always open in mornings and afternoons, but while the art teacher Mr. Peterson welcomed everyone, Mrs. Hart in theater would hassle and turn away anyone wandering in who wasn¡¯t one of her kids. Thus, the social dynamic present was that the theater kids hung out in their exclusive, somewhat insular clique, becoming more and more theater kid weird, and the art club instead attracted social butterflies and was on the rise in popularity. Across the quad from these rooms was the soundproofed band room and the weight-lifting room. Most of the tables throughout the courtyard were lined up towards the band room side of things, and a lot of Springton¡¯s unassuming quiet kids were regulars that sat there in their own little groups. To contrast, weight-lifting wasn¡¯t exactly even particularly active this year¡ªit seemed like only one or two seniors were ever visible in there lifting before or after class. But, that door attracted foot traffic like no place other, because Coach Cooke stood outside every morning with a rolling cart selling fifty-cent glazed donuts sourced from Food Lion. That entrepreneurial spirit alone kept his athletics department flush, because the fresh donuts smelled amazing, and walking around with one in hand drew the envy of everyone around. Only half of the student body seemed to have either allowance or money from part-time jobs in town. In addition, one of the two vending machines here at school was towards the weight-lifting side of the quad, but Tabitha had never personally used it. From what she¡¯d overheard in the past¡ªand it was a common subject of discussion¡ªquarters were mostly fine, but trying to feed it dollar bills was an exercise in humiliation and futility. Violence against the Coca Cola machine had led to the sinister device being both bolted down into the concrete and secured in a metal cage, with only its buttons and dispenser open. ¡°Tabs? Tabs?¡± Alicia teased, nudging Tabitha with her shoulder. ¡°Oh¡ªsorry,¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°What were you saying?¡± ¡°Asked if you brought your Gameboy?¡± Alicia prodded again. ¡°I¡¯ve been trainin¡¯ up my team since Christmas morning.¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I didn¡¯t, no. I didn¡¯t think there would be time? First bell is soon, and I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m going to do yet about getting home from school afterwards if I join any clubs.¡± ¡°Mr. Peterson is gonna make a rule so you guys can¡¯t play Gameboys in club,¡± Janaye remarked with a scoff. ¡°He¡¯s already yelled at Casey before.¡± ¡°He will not! Mr. Peterson is cool,¡± Alicia scoffed. ¡°Just you watch. When sophomore year starts, we¡¯ll have our own separate Springton Pokemon League club for us. We could have it on Tuesdays, or Wednesdays, or something.¡± ¡°Yeah, right,¡± Janaye rolled her eyes. ¡°Anyways, I¡¯ll catch you later? I¡¯ve got French first and it¡¯s on the other side. Was nice meeting you, Tabitha.¡± ¡°Likewise!¡± Tabitha gave the girl a small wave as she departed. ¡°Well, shit,¡± Alicia confided in a whisper. ¡°What the hell. Got her to come over and meet you, but she barely even talked. Ugghhh.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°She seemed nice?¡± ¡°She¡¯s a bit stuffy,¡± Alicia said. ¡°She¡¯s real close with all the art club people though, and she¡¯s our bigshot painter. Really kickass oil paintings, but she only does still-lifes and landscapes. Kinda like¡ªhave you ever heard of Bob Ross?¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha started to nod, but then stopped herself. ¡°Well, I¡¯ve never seen his actual show. I know him from internet memes, though. He popped up often enough to sort of enter cultural consciousness? Happy little trees, and stuff like that.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Memes, that¡¯s like going viral, right?¡± ¡°I¡¯d say those two things are¡­ interrelated maybe?¡± Tabitha gave her friend a curious look. ¡°Now, wait a minute. How do you not know memes, but you know phrases like going viral?¡± ¡°Viral is definitely already a big thing, was on the news with that Ally Mcbeal dancing baby thing. Silly computer animation, that I guess got crazy unexpectedly popular on the web, because it ¡®went viral.¡¯ I¡¯m still not sure I even really get it.¡± ¡°Dancing¡­ baby?¡± Tabitha was completely lost. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Yeah. Right? Oh, here¡ªoff to the side here,¡± Alicia said, pulling Tabitha towards a distant empty table. ¡°Ta-da~! This is Elena¡¯s spot, this is where she usually lurks, now. Broods. Haunts. Doing her too-cool-for-anyone goth girl thing. I dunno what we¡¯re gonna do at lunches. You want to hang out with ¡®Lena, or you want to chill with the art club peoples?¡± ¡°Um, with Elena for sure,¡± Tabitha decided, glancing around in search of their friend. ¡°But¡ªhopefully we¡¯ll be able to pull her into art club?¡± ¡°Hopefully,¡± Alicia sounded skeptical as she dropped her bag onto the Elena table and gestured for Tabitha to follow suit. ¡°Not sure what all¡¯s going on with her. Cheerleading? Ugh. You weren¡¯t really gonna¡ª¡± ¡°Do you know where Clarissa sits?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Clarissa?¡± Alicia made a face. ¡°Like from your party? No, no idea.¡± ¡°Hmm¡­¡± Tabitha mused. ¡°Olivia and Michael?¡± ¡°They¡¯re in with the lunch room preppies, them and their friends have a regular table there,¡± Alicia shrugged. ¡°Well, they are at lunchtime. No clue where they hang ¡®fore first bell. Casey and Matthew drive here, so sometimes they¡¯re chilling with people out by the student parking lot around this time, sometimes they¡¯re in the art room.¡± ¡°Is their relationship public, now?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Everyone knows?¡± ¡°Yep, pretty much,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°Some girls were pissy about it, but¡ªthem¡¯s the breaks. Elena¡¯s over it anyways, I think, so I don¡¯t really care.¡± ¡°Okay, cool,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath, trying¡ªand failing¡ªto relax. ¡°You alright?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°You look a little jittery. You okay to be back?¡± ¡°I think I really need to be here,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°To uh, to try, really try this time. Put myself out there, get to know people. Put rumors to rest. It¡¯s just¡ªit¡¯s so stressful. I feel like throwing up already, and the day hasn¡¯t even really started.¡± ¡°Well, they¡¯re all not gonna stop talking smack about you,¡± Alicia gave her a bitter smile. ¡°But, they should be more hush hush about it, this time. Since some of the girls got suspended, and teachers are gonna be super touchy about it if they see people treating you bad. So¡ªthat¡¯s uh, that¡¯s something, right?¡± ¡°Right¡­¡± ¡°Oh! Hey. There she is,¡± Alicia nodded in the direction of the entrance to the quad. ¡°She¡¯s always easy to spot.¡± Elena was approaching them, and to Tabitha¡¯s surprise she wasn¡¯t wearing only black. While Tabitha had seen the baggy black JNCO jeans before and Elena seemed to be rocking one of her many black Hot Topic hoodies, overtop the hoodie this time she wore camouflage. Unlike the hunting camo that Tabitha now wore that gave her a woodsy country girl vibe, Elena¡¯s camo jacket was military style¡ªfrom a US Army surplus battle dress uniform, with its sleeves rolled up to just above where Elena¡¯s elbows might be. Rather than bare arms, however, her hoodie sleeves were down and pulled all the way over her hands, the outlines of which could be made out clenching the cuffs closed. It perhaps leaned more punk than goth, but it looked rather fetching on Elena. ¡°I¡¯m freakin¡¯ freezing,¡± Elena griped as she closed the rest of the distance and stood beside them. ¡°Can see my breath.¡± ¡°You can borrow my coat for a bit?¡± Tabitha offered. ¡°Nah,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m fine. Just wanted to bitch.¡± ¡°This is new,¡± Alicia stepped forward with interest to inspect the lapel. ¡°Cole Jackson?¡± ¡°Cole?¡± Elena made a face. ¡°What?¡± ¡°That¡¯s what it says!¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Right there.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡ª? Oh,¡± Elena rolled her eyes. ¡°COL is short for colonel, so¡ªcolonel Jackson.¡± ¡°Kernel? What?!¡± Alicia was skeptical. ¡°Why would C-O-L stand for ¡®kernel?¡¯¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s actually spelled¡ª¡± Tabitha began to explain. ¡°Alicia, I didn¡¯t make all the freakin¡¯ rules,¡± Elena huffed out a breath that was visible in the air and then laughed as she turned around. ¡°Was a thrift store find. I sewed a bunch of patches on the back. See?¡± ¡°Oh, nice! Sweet,¡± Alicia leaned back in to check them out. ¡°Uhh¡ªgirl scout patches?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena nodded. Three rows of colored patches decorated the back of Elena¡¯s new jacket¡ªmost of them featuring cute imagery along with brief text to commemorate various occasions. SWIM PARTY ¡®92 was emblazoned in little letters above a frog hopping into a pond, GIRL SCOUTS REDEDICATION showed a simple row of candles upon a blue backdrop, and Tabitha discovered that the entire middle row of patches featured OPERATION SANTA CLAUS SKATE PARTY in a succession of years from 1992 all the way to 1996. Not all of them listed a year¡ªthere was a DO SI DO one with the embroidered silhouette of a folk violinist and a pair of dancers, as well as a pink one of a teddy bear holding another, smaller teddy bear that somehow simply had the words SURPRISE KIDNAP. ¡°That¡¯s so cool!¡± Tabitha was genuinely awed. ¡°Are all of these yours?!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said again, trying to twist around enough so that she could face them while still showing off her back. ¡°Became this whole big emotional ordeal. It was mom¡¯s idea, even, but when we actually took the seam ripper and started cutting them off my girl scout sash, she started crying. Think it turned out neat, though.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so jealous!¡± Tabitha said with enthusiasm. ¡°I-I didn¡¯t even know girl scouts were a thing in this area! Am I too old to join?!¡± ¡°Tabby¡­¡± Alicia rolled her eyes. ¡°If there weren¡¯t girl scouts around here, where do you think all the girls come from, who show up to your door trying to peddle girl scout cookies?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha stared for a moment. ¡°Well. I guess¡­ I never really¡­¡± ¡°She wouldn¡¯t have seen them,¡± Elena grunted. ¡°We didn¡¯t go door to door at the trailer park, know that for a fact. For the urban places like that near the busy streets in town, we¡¯d just set up a table outside the doors at Food Lion. Didn¡¯t go to trailer parks, and we didn¡¯t do the more rural kinda areas around the edge of town, either. Not enough return on time invested.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Alicia shook her head in dismay. ¡°Just¡ªwow. Yep, of course you would say that.¡± ¡°Well, we didn¡¯t pull that trick-or-treating route out of thin air,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°Carrie and me and some other girls all used to be scouts together.¡± Frowning in thought, Tabitha couldn¡¯t recall even seeing girl scouts outside the grocery store. But, then again¡ªit hadn¡¯t been until May of last year that she got pushy about doing the shopping for the family there, and maybe that just wasn¡¯t girl scout cookie season. She wasn¡¯t sure why an organization like that had never occurred to her, but it was something Tabitha was absolutely going to discuss with Mrs. Macintire tonight about enrolling Hannah in. Likewise, maybe there was a boy scout or cub scouts program she might be able to find for her cousins? ¡°Guess I¡¯m just surprised,¡± Alicia remarked. ¡°You¡¯re all trying to go goth, I thought you¡¯d want to put on like¡ªskulls, pentagrams, more gothic kinda patch stuff.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not gonna wear pentagrams,¡± Elena scowled. ¡°Alicia¡ªI¡¯m still a Christian.¡± ¡°Okay, okay,¡± Alicia held up her hands in surrender. ¡°I¡¯m just sayin.¡¯¡± Boy scouts might be smart, Tabitha decided. Yeah, might be less¡­ reckless? Than trying to just introduce them to a church youth group, like I¡¯d considered. Especially when you remember they¡¯re goblin heathens! The last thing I need is to get called in because the boys were fighting over whether or not Superman could beat up God in a fight, or whether Batman would get still get judged for his sins, or if they wouldn¡¯t count just because he¡¯s Batman. Can practically already see them arguing with a youth pastor about it... ¡°I did look through all the patches at the mall,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°They have a bunch, just none that are very ¡®me.¡¯ South Park, Korn, Sublime. Insane Clown Posse, a bunch of random ones from wrestling stuff. Spencers has some too, but they¡¯re all like¡­ stoner stuff.¡± ¡°Sublime¡¯s cool,¡± Alicia commented. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°I might replace some of these when I find better ones,¡± Elena said, finally turning back around. ¡°The Santa Claus ones first, probably. Just thought it¡¯d be cool to do.¡± ¡°It is cool,¡± Tabitha said in approval. ¡°I want to do something like that, but¡ªI don¡¯t even think I have my own jacket. This one belongs to officer Macintire, the hoodie is my dad¡¯s¡­¡± ¡°Jesus, Tabitha¡ª¡± Alicia groaned. ¡°How do you not have a jacket?! I wish I¡¯d have known, coulda got you a badass biker jacket for Christmas. And, yeah, speaking of¡ªI drew you a Christmas present. Here, one sec.¡± ¡°Oh! Me too!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Got you guys gifts.¡± Alicia¡¯s backpack, Tabitha¡¯s jean bookbag, and then Elena¡¯s black messenger bag joined each other on the nearby table as each of the friends opened things up to retrieve presents for each other, and Tabitha let out a nervous laugh. Just as she pulled out the pair of tapes she had for Alicia¡ªfirst bell began to ring. The bmmm bmmm bmmm bmmm tones sounding throughout the school¡¯s intercom stirred the idlers throughout the school quad. Students everywhere rose from their tables and started to disperse off in the direction of their respective classes, making the previous languid atmosphere turn busy with people moving about. ¡°Aw, crap,¡± Alicia swore with a laugh, presenting a large rectangle wrapped in newspaper to Tabitha. ¡°S¡¯just in a dollar store picture frame, you can put it in a better one if you uh, if you wind up liking it. Merry Christmas! ¡®Lena, I got one for you, too. Here.¡± ¡°Merry Christmas!¡± Tabitha was touched. ¡°Here, for you.¡± ¡°These are¡ª¡± Alicia hefted the gifts from Tabitha and then carefully brought them up to her ear and gave them a little shake. ¡°Video tapes? Can I open them?!¡± ¡°Uhhh¡ªopen them when you get to class,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile. ¡°Too embarrassing.¡± ¡°Yeah, you have to, too,¡± Alicia countered with a grin. ¡°Elena¡­¡± Tabitha was embarrassed to hand over a very small gift-wrapped pocket notebook to her other best friend. ¡°Your original present kinda fell through¡­ and then the back-up plan I had also fell through! But, it should be ready in time for uh, to make it a better gift later on this year, so. For now, I got you this.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t even have to get me anything,¡± Elena brushed off her concerns as she accepted the little present. ¡°Thanks. I just got everyone cards, but, uh. I wrote a lot in them. Mom said just givin¡¯ you guys five dollar bills in with the card was shallow and almost as if I was trying to buy your guys¡¯ affection and awful¡ªso, we put in twenty dollar bills instead. Merry Christmas!¡± ¡°Nice!¡± Alicia gave a bright laugh as she accepted an envelope from Elena. ¡°Cool, thanks.¡± Tabitha¡¯s envelope from Elena felt a lot heavier now that she knew there was money inside it, but she mustered up a smile for her friend all the same. Twenty dollars in 1998, that¡¯s like fifty bucks in MODERN DAY money! ¡°Aww, thank you,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You¡ªboth of you guys, you didn¡¯t have to get anything¡­¡± ¡°Oh shut up, we all got each other stuff,¡± Elena snorted, shouldering her messenger bag again. ¡°I¡¯ve gotta get to class. What¡¯s your first period, now? Maybe we got the same thing.¡± The Marine Science they had both shared for their first class of the day was an elective and ended with first semester, which meant depending on what curriculum they chose or were assigned next, they probably wouldn¡¯t have class together anymore. ¡°Personal Fitness?¡± Tabitha asked hopefully. ¡°Damn,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°Nah, Biology one. We¡¯ll still catch each other here for lunch?¡± ¡°Yeah! Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded, watching with a surprising amount of disappointment as they parted ways. ¡°See you!¡± ¡°That sucks, P.E. first thing in the morning?¡± Alicia made a face as she hurried to zip her bag back up and get going. ¡°You should see if you can switch out for something else. I¡¯ve got art first thing, right here.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got the art room last thing, it¡¯s my last class of the day,¡± Tabitha revealed with a pout. ¡°But¡ªsee you at lunch, yeah?¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± Alicia waved as she trotted away. ¡°Merry Christmas!¡± That¡¯s¡­ a little disheartening, Tabitha thought as she trudged on towards the track and field area. Like, intellectually I KNEW we probably wouldn¡¯t have first class of the day together anymore, but I guess I did kind of hope. Now, I¡¯ll have Personal Fitness just¡­ by myself, or I¡¯ll have to work at getting to know people all over again. It¡¯s a little daunting. What are the odds I get Gary or his friends in with the same period? That¡¯d be okay¡ªafter all, basketball is¡­ active? It¡¯s a sport? They could maybe play during class? I¡¯m not sure what it will even be like. From what little she remembered from her past lifetime, Personal Fitness wasn¡¯t even much of an actual class. She¡¯d had Coach Cooke teaching for it in her Junior year, and all the kids were left to their own devices for the first fifteen minutes, after which he might pass out nutrition worksheets, or he might simply have them do laps around the field at their own pace. Most just walked and talked. It had been a course few people took seriously, and one most of the students used for goofing off or socializing¡ªTabitha had passed with an A+ despite spending that entire class with her nose in Anne Rice novels. Not this time, though, Tabitha clenched her fist. Just another few days, and I¡¯ll be cleared for physical activity again¡ªanother week or so and the cast should come off, too. Then, I can spend the mornings running. Need to get myself back into shape if there¡¯s gonna be any chance of making it into cheer with Elena. To her surprise, it wasn¡¯t Coach Cooke herding up the various Personal Fitness students that were gathering in front of the bleachers. Instead, a surprisingly young twenty-something blonde woman in sweatpants and a Springton Athletics sweatshirt was marking off names on a clipboard there. Tabitha recognized her as Coach Baylor¡ªshe was in charge of a number of the school programs, but everyone knew her best for being in charge of Cheer. After all, Coach Baylor was a cheerleader, through and through, and from Tabitha¡¯s recollection the only reason she was teaching instead of still cheering for the Indianapolis Colts was an injury that required knee replacement. Tabitha had never had much to do with Coach Baylor in her past life, but the woman had made an impression from the few times she had substituted for Coach Cooke, and Tabitha remembered when Coach Baylor went around and spoke briefly at all the classes about homecoming and prom safety and etiquette, as the young woman was nominally ¡®in charge of the girls.¡¯ The coach was young, beautiful, and very well regarded by the general student populace. The in crowd girls were all very close to her, and naturally the more daring high school guys would joke about how hot she was, or even play at flirting with her. What Tabitha did not remember was how Coach Baylor was as a person; whether or not she kept a professional separation from the teenage girls she worked with, or perhaps was ¡®one of them¡¯ due to their close proximity in age. Was she serious and no-nonsense about training and fitness? Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure. I guess my BIG fear is that she goes along with the sorority clique sort of cheerleader nonsense, Tabitha thought as she glanced about the other kids in search of familiar faces. She would have to be, right? Since she¡¯s at the center of all of that. But¡ªhow does she deal with bullying, what is her stance on the way the pretty and popular girls treat everyone else as if they¡¯re trash? What does she¡ª ¡°Awww, hell yeah!¡± A teenage guy¡¯s voice jeered. A dozen of her peers that had been queuing up for first roll call with Coach Baylor turned all at once and stared at Tabitha, with several of them even joining in with catcalls at the sight of her with a woooo! Stunned in place at suddenly being in public scrutiny again, Tabitha was just trying to figure out how to react to the attention when she realized she had no fucking idea what to do in this situation, and she simply froze mid-step, like a deer caught in headlights. ¡°Our prayers have been answered!¡± The guy lifted his arms up towards heaven in thanks. His motion allowed Tabitha to finally single him out of the crowd of teenagers milling about for Personal Fitness, and as she recognized him she felt what must have been all of the blood in her body rushing up to her face in a furious blush. ¡°Bobby Anderson,¡± Coach Baylor pointed at the boy with her pen. ¡°Apologize to her, and then do two laps around the field. Now.¡± ¡°Right, yes ma¡¯am!¡± Bobby said with a cheeky smile, turning from teacher to Tabitha and giving her a friendly wave. ¡°Sorry, babe.¡± Then, Tabitha watched as he took off down the track to the laughter of his fellow guys. Damn it. I wanted Bobby to treat me like I was COOL, Tabitha despaired a little bit. Not like I¡¯m a HOT GIRL. I still have no idea how to react to THAT. There¡¯s no manual for that! There probably actually was an in-depth manual or field guide for that kind of thing, and Tabitha suspected it was in the girly magazines she¡¯d always steered clear of, like Seventeen, and Bop, and Teen People. It just felt so stereotypical teenage consumer to search for life advice in the pages of a rag designed to sell you things, and the idea of it had always bothered her. At least all coming of age comedies poke fun at the idea at least once or twice. Maybe that¡¯s why I just can¡¯t take it seriously? In any case, she was in trouble. She had potentially good genetics going for her on her mother¡¯s side¡ªso long as she steered a wide berth away from fats and sugars¡ªand knew herself to be somewhat attractive. This was not going to be an isolated incident, and the next time something like this inevitably happened, she needed to prepare a better response than blind panic. But¡ªbut what do I DO?! Tabitha floundered, trying to put on a smile that didn¡¯t come off as uneasy. She stepped over closer to join the others gathered for class, but it took several long, excruciating moments to go from the focus of everyone¡¯s attention to part of the crowd, and the raw tension didn¡¯t leave her shoulders even when people lost interest or turned away towards their own business. After all, it was early, and it was cold as hell out here. Half the bleary faces she saw looked like they¡¯d been dragged out of bed hours without notice and without coffee, and there was a general sense of irritation simply at being out here in the cold first thing in the morning. ¡°It¡¯s so cold,¡± Tabitha overheard one girl complain. ¡°Why can¡¯t we do roll call inside?¡± Another girl griped back in a low voice, as if afraid Coach Baylor might overhear. Aside from Bobby being Bobby, all of the muted conversations Tabitha was able to pick up fell into that same repetition; it was too cold, or it was too early. They all wanted to still be in bed. One guy over there didn¡¯t have gloves, and was joking around about keeping his hands warm in the pockets of another guy¡¯s coat. A girl¡¯s voice insisted that she was freezing and about to cry; when Tabitha glanced over she saw a short, petite girl wearing a poofball hat, who looked annoyed rather than distraught. In the other direction, a boy was asking the guy next to him about how much lockers cost. I thought they didn¡¯t charge us for school lockers? Tabitha frowned, trying to remember how much cash she had on her at the moment. I think today I just have¡­ five bucks? Four bucks, maybe, in ones? ¡°Tabitha Moore?¡± Coach Baylor finally reached her name on the clipboard and searched the crowd. ¡°Here,¡± Tabitha announced herself, trying not to flinch back as half the class turned her way again. Coach Baylor waved her forward as she¡¯d done with the others she was calling up. ¡°Locker room lockers are three dollars,¡± Coach Baylor explained in the voice of someone who¡¯d repeated this spiel all morning. ¡°They¡¯re the ones in by the girls showers, and they¡¯re optional, you don¡¯t have to have one. If you would like to have one, they¡¯re three dollars, because we have to replace all the locks every single year. If you¡¯d like one, I mark your name down, and then I¡¯ll need the money before the end of the week.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªum, yes please,¡± Tabitha said, unshouldering her bookbag so she could hunt down her little wallet. ¡°Is¡­ uh, what are the procedures for the showers here? I don¡¯t know how any of that works.¡± ¡°Locker rooms are only unlocked during class,¡± Coach Baylor tapped at the teacher¡¯s lanyard she wore where keys dangled. ¡°So, don¡¯t leave anything you will need otherwise in there, because I don¡¯t open it up for anyone outside of hours. School doesn¡¯t provide soap or shampoo or towels, and we are not a laundry service. There¡¯s a big clothes line hung up in the women¡¯s showers; you¡¯ll want to bring a beach towel with a design so you can tell it apart.¡± The coach¡¯s tone and expression were difficult to read¡ªrather than stern or put out when listing off the rules, she seemed very cordial. The beautiful blonde woman was clarifying everything right away with the patient, professional demeanor of someone who had dealt with over-excessive male attention her entire life; she was someone used to immediately introducing a framework of boundaries and expectations that could be referred back to later as necessary. Tabitha felt like she was learning a lot here already. ¡°The last ten minutes of any classes where there¡¯s physical activity, I¡¯ll allow you girls to shower if they need to. Water on our side is only ever lukewarm, so I don¡¯t expect anyone to be in there for their hair, or spending too much more time. You won¡¯t have to return to our class after your shower, but you are responsible for making it to your next class on time. Shower access is a privilege, not a right, think of it as a courtesy we¡¯re offering so that you don¡¯t just reek of sweat throughout the rest of the school day. Shower has its own rules on a big sign¡ªno running, no roughhousing, respect privacy, all that. We¡¯ll be in there and go over all of that in detail with everyone tomorrow.¡± ¡°Ten minutes, okay,¡± Tabitha nodded, trying to quickly remember everything as she singled out three bills. ¡°Thank you,¡± Coach Baylor accepted them with a smile, penning something onto the clipboard with a flourish and then clipping the dollars in beneath the sheet. ¡°You¡¯re all squared away, then.¡± ¡°Oh, er,¡± Tabitha spoke up. ¡°I also have a doctor¡¯s note? I had an endoscopic ventriculostomy at the start of last November¡ªI should be cleared for some physical activity again soon¡­ but they might make me wear a helmet for when I¡¯m actually doing things. I hope not, but¡­¡± ¡°Hmm, right,¡± Coach Baylor nodded in understanding. ¡°I did hear you had brain surgery. And, you had a wrist fracture as well?¡± ¡°Yeah, yes, but um, that cast should come off soon, too,¡± Tabitha hurried to explain. ¡°I do want to try for track, and maybe cheer if it¡¯s possible.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Coach Baylor regarded her with new interest, as if Tabitha had just revealed they were actually distant cousins. ¡°You may not be able to do both, I think there would be schedule conflicts down the line. If you do have to decide, I¡¯d recommend you go for cheer.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Really,¡± Coach Baylor said, giving her another look that Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how to interpret. ¡°Coach Cooke is in charge of track. I don¡¯t want you to have anything to do with him.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha said. Is he¡­ a creep, or something? It seemed like a strange thing for Coach Baylor to say to her when she was otherwise being so professional. Was Tabitha reading into it the wrong way? Perhaps there was simply some sort of rivalry there between the two athletics teachers she wasn¡¯t aware of. Surely the no-nonsense Coach Baylor wouldn¡¯t let things slide here at Springton High if the male coach was creepy? The line had been delivered without any joking inflection or knowing smile or anything like that, and Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how to interpret it. ¡°Tiffany Myers?¡± Coach Baylor continued down her list. Weird, Tabitha tried to put it out of mind as she backed away. But anyways, I might have to choose between track and cheer? And, ten minutes for showers. That¡¯s a lot of time, but it¡¯s also not a lot of time. Not when you figure I need to actually head over there and shower and change and dry off and make myself presentable for next class. Is it worth it? I definitely had planned on running in the mornings, though¡­ ¡°Hey,¡± A girl¡¯s voice interrupted her thoughts. Tabitha looked up to see that the short girl in the poofball hat had approached her, and she involuntarily tensed up again. ¡°Hey?¡± Tabitha responded. ¡°You got a locker?¡± The girl asked. ¡°None of the other girls got lockers.¡± Poofball hat girl was staring, but then her eyes then also wandered. The girl¡¯s arms were crossed, but Tabitha couldn¡¯t tell if it was defensive distancing body language or if the girl was simply hugging herself because of the cold. She was shifting from one foot to the other, several other girls were looking in their direction, and Tabitha didn¡¯t feel like she had a read on the atmosphere. ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha swallowed, wondering what social faux pas she¡¯d blundered into without realizing. ¡°I thought it would be better to have one and not wind up needing it, rather than needing it and not having it?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Poofball hat stared again for an awkward moment. ¡°That makes sense, I guess. Just¡ªkinda scary to shower at school? I think from what I heard, like, only some of the upperclassmen do it.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Should I not have? I¡ªI don¡¯t know what¡¯s normal for freshmen.¡± ¡°No, yeah, I don¡¯t know,¡± The girl let out a nervous laugh that left a brief cloud of vapor in the air. ¡°Do you think I should get one? It¡¯s cool if it¡¯s only like, a few of us in there. You won¡¯t be weird or make fun of me or anything?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°She said we only get ten minutes, so¡ªyeah, I figure we¡¯d just be in and out. Washing off sweat real quick.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± The girl frowned. ¡°Really don¡¯t want to feel all gross the rest of the day.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Uh¡ªI¡¯m Tabitha!¡± ¡°Vanessa,¡± The girl offered. ¡°Right, I heard about you. They sai¡ª¡± ¡°Vanessa Smith,¡± Coach Baylor called. With an anxious jolt Vanessa spun around, quickly stepping over towards the coach. To Tabitha¡¯s surprise, the short girl and their teacher spoke at length to each other¡ªit appeared Vanessa was actually going to get a locker room locker with her. Some of the other girls exchanged glances or eyed Tabitha with nervous expressions, and there were more complaints about the cold. Bobby ran by them at a jog as he finished his first lap, and several of the guys heckled him with mock-drill sergeant voices as he passed. ¡°Move, move, move, private!¡± ¡°Left! Left! Left, right, left!¡± Did I just¡­ make a friend, almost? Tabitha felt a surge of enthusiasm that was difficult to stifle. Or, or maybe not like a FRIEND, but we¡¯ll maybe be locker room buddies, when hardly any of the girls are going for that? There will be some little bit of solidarity or something, right? Moments later, Vanessa returned, heading back over towards Tabitha with a scowl. ¡°She said the water won¡¯t be hot,¡± Vanessa reported with a disgusted look. ¡°But, you got a locker?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Yeah,¡± Vanessa sighed. ¡°I hope it won¡¯t be awful. The boys¡¯ locker room smells, like even from fifty feet away, you can smell it. It better not be bad. And, you¡¯re not allowed to make fun of me. And, no one¡¯s allowed to see me naked, ever.¡± ¡°If it¡¯s just going to be you and I in there, the last thing I want to do is antagonize you?¡± Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure if it was appropriate to laugh here. ¡°Cool,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°Sorry, not trying to be bossy or anything. Super scary. Didn¡¯t think they¡¯d make us get all that sweaty if we have more classes after, so. I don¡¯t know. Locker room shower stuff is all like, weird in movies and stuff.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha shuddered. ¡°I keep picturing the movie Carrie.¡± ¡°Right?!¡± Vanessa laughed, arms still tightly crossed. ¡°Where they¡¯re all just casually naked, and then they even start like, throwing all their tampons at the girl? What the hell.¡± ¡°Did you guys sign up for lockers?¡± A gangly girl with wide eyes walked over to them. ¡°Didn¡¯t seem like anyone else was gonna shower at school.¡± ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re gonna,¡± Vanessa huffed. ¡°You?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± The gangly girl answered. ¡°I mean, if that¡¯s cool?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°Shower club can be just us three, looks like we¡¯re the only cool ones. No one¡¯s allowed to see me naked.¡± ¡°Same,¡± Tabitha added. ¡°Uh, yeah, same,¡± The newcomer said. ¡°Marisa.¡± ¡°Vanessa.¡± ¡°I¡¯m Tabitha,¡± Tabitha introduced herself, finally allowing herself to feel excited. ¡°She said we have to bring all our own stuff¡ªsoap, shampoo, everything. Towels, even.¡± ¡°Extra change of clothes too, for sure,¡± Marisa nodded. ¡°Just in case.¡± ¡°Yeah, for sure, Vanessa agreed. ¡°Not to be weird, but¡ªthere¡¯s gonna be like, private stalls with curtains, right?¡± ¡°In movies it¡¯s just like a big open room,¡± Marisa made a face. ¡°All open tile and shared shower or whatever.¡± ¡°God, it better not be,¡± Vanessa scowled again. ¡°No offense, or anything.¡± ¡°I mean, even if it is, we can set something up, right?¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Like, a camp shower or something. Bring it in and set it up. They make privacy stuff for situations like that¡ªcamping trip stuff.¡± ¡°Or we could take turns?¡± Marisa suggested. ¡°With just ten minutes?¡± Tabitha was skeptical. ¡°Half of that time already is like, getting over there and changing and stuff. Drying off.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Vanessa pouted. ¡°I¡¯m fucking freezing.¡± ¡°Can somebody ask?¡± Marisa turned a pleading look towards each of them. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna ask. She said we weren¡¯t going in there today, but like¡ªthere¡¯ll be stalls or curtains, right? Like, how can they want us to pay for the locker up front, without us even knowing if we can really shower in there?¡± ¡°Did you pay already? I didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°I did,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°No, I just thought¡ªI¡¯m just marked down for one. I dunno, though.¡± ¡°I think, either way¡­¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°We can either set up like a privacy screen, or just¡ªcompletely mind our own business? I¡¯m not going to be trying to gawk at either of you or stare or make it weird. Just, I know for sure I¡¯m going to be running in the mornings, and I don¡¯t wanna smell.¡± ¡°Did any of the boys sign up for one?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure.¡± ¡°Doubt it¡ªtheir locker room smells like ass. Seriously, like fermented ass. It¡¯s disgusting. You can tell from way downwind of it, even.¡± ¡°So¡ªwhat do they do about being all sweaty?¡± ¡°They¡¯re guys, they don¡¯t even care about being gross.¡± ¡°Well, Bobby is for sure gonna be all sweaty today,¡± Tabitha nodded in his direction as he jogged across the track in the distance. ¡°Coach Baylor said she¡¯s not even opening the showers ¡®til tomorrow.¡± ¡°Bobby?¡± ¡°Is he the douchebag guy?¡± ¡°He wasn¡¯t being serious,¡± Tabitha made sure to correct them. ¡°He was just goofing around, ¡®cause we know each other.¡± ¡°Oh, alright.¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s better, then.¡± ¡°Did you guys all get lockers?¡± A girl with thick-rimmed glasses and a Tommy Hilfiger jacket approached along with another girl. ¡°Yeah, shower club,¡± Vanessa said, eyeballing them warily. ¡°You in?¡± ¡°Ms. Baylor said we had until the end of the week to decide,¡± Glasses girl said, exchanging glances with her friend. ¡°Well, think fast, then,¡± Vanessa shrugged. ¡°Tabitha said it¡¯s smarter to get one.¡± ¡°Better to have access and not need it, then to need it and not have it,¡± Tabitha repeated her line from earlier, but this time both Marisa and Vanessa were nodding along as if it was common sense. ¡°Right, yeah,¡± Glasses girl said. ¡°Should probably get one, then.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t want too many girls in there, though,¡± Vanessa pointed out, arms still folded in front of her. ¡°And like, yeah¡ªnobody¡¯s allowed to make fun of each other, and nobody¡¯s allowed to see me naked.¡± ¡°Same,¡± Tabitha chirped again. ¡°Same,¡± Marisa joined in. ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re cool,¡± the heavyset friend held up her hands. ¡°We¡¯re cool.¡± Did I¡­ just magically become part of a little clique, here? Tabitha wondered in surprise. Do groups just CREATE themselves out of thin air, this fast? I feel like I went from weirdo loner to being part of the IN club within the span of forty seconds?! Is this a normal girls thing? Feels almost like I¡¯m exploiting some¡­ I don¡¯t know, psychological blind spot, where girls just would rather be part of a group in situations where we might feel vulnerable? ¡°I heard Ms. Baylor makes everyone run for personal fitness.¡± ¡°God, I hope not. I can not run in these shoes, my feet are already killing me.¡± ¡°I know, right?¡± ¡°It¡¯s Coach Baylor, not Ms. or Mrs.¡± ¡°Yeah, I bet she¡¯s super touchy about that.¡± ¡°It¡¯s so freakin¡¯ cold out here¡­¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t she the one who does cheerleading?¡± ¡°She has a limp when she walks, you can totally tell.¡± ¡°You should ask her about it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not asking her, you ask her.¡± ¡°I want to go inside already.¡± ¡°How old is she? She isn¡¯t married?¡± ¡°God, I¡¯m freezing.¡± At first Tabitha had tried to remain engaged and focused upon the conversation the girls were having around her, but try as she might, she couldn¡¯t think of anything substantial to add. That was the problem; the chatter here was not substantial. It was thoughtless idle talk mixed with occasional complaints, and people chiming in simply to hear their own voice or fill a silence. Partaking in discourse at that level was not a skill Tabitha had acquired in her years as an introvert, and after several minutes of listening in for an opportunity and failing to find a moment to speak up, her mind began to wander. Bobby was still jogging across the far side of the track that circled the football field, and with idle curiosity Tabitha turned her attention to the surrounding areas. Relearning the geography of Springton High was much more of a priority to Tabitha now that she had resolved to not simply wile away her years here hiding in the library. Being popular¡ªor at least, social¡ªin high school required her to have a much better understanding of the dynamics where everything important was, where people gathered and where activities were. The field here, for instance, wasn¡¯t just for local games or pep rallies¡ªgraduation was held here every year, and it had also been host to several random Springton events like small concerts or the overnight Relay for Life cancer walk, where everyone would set up tents mid-field. She seemed to remember a fair or a festival of some kind with miniature carnival rides as well, but for the life of her she couldn¡¯t recall what it had been called or the exact year. I imagine Alicia, Elena and I will hang out over in the art room and the quad a lot, but I also get the impression that that¡¯s sort of the low-level NEWBIE cool areas to be. The ¡®squares¡¯ are either lunch room or library kids, and that was me in my past life, but the upperclassmen ELITE of Springton, popularity-wise, are always right over here, just on the other side of the athletics field fence... Just beyond that chain link fence in the distance was the legendary student parking lot, where Tabitha had never had cause to venture. There, before school, during lunch, and after school she imagined it was something like a nonstop tailgate party for the juniors and seniors. Rather than gathering around the kiddie tables in the lunchroom or front commons, or even staking territory near club rooms in the quad where there was still adult supervision, social dynamics in the student parking lot were less constrained and revolved around who had a car. Those who were fast enough¡ªsuch as those who had third period classes nearby student parking¡ªwere even able to drive off campus to pick up fast food for lunch, which was a rare and highly coveted freedom when most kids here were stuck with either packed lunches from home or cafeteria fare. The student parking lot was the more ¡®grown up¡¯ scene to be, albeit strictly in the sense of what teenagers imagine as ¡®grown up.¡¯ Smoking cigarettes, openly discussing inappropriate topics, and public displays of affection that a teacher or dean would chew you out for if caught over in the school grounds proper. Rough-housing, revving engines, and¡ªmost likely¡ªteens discreetly buying or selling weed. None of that had been a consideration for the Tubby Tabby of her past life, but in her recent soul-searching over the time off of school, Tabitha discovered that she¡¯d always envied those ¡®cool kids¡¯ there. Fear of missing out was a phenomenon known to her, but it was still one that she was forced to grapple with again in her new life. A number of silly or seemingly inconsequential aspects of being cool in high school had their chance to be put up on a pedestal all over again. Last time, she¡¯d lived in anxiety-stricken terror and excuses to avoid socializing were easy to find; she hadn¡¯t known anyone, so she shouldn¡¯t even try to get to know anyone. She hadn¡¯t gotten her permit yet, didn¡¯t have a car, had no reason to visit the student parking lot and subject herself to stares and whispers. Hopefully, all of that wasn¡¯t going to be the glass ceiling of popularity Tabitha had imagined it was¡ªthings were different, now. Not only did she now know several peers in possession of their own motor vehicles, Tabitha herself already knew how to drive! At least, I TECHNICALLY do, Tabitha reminded herself. On paper I do still need to be two years older, and ugghh go through the thing with the learner¡¯s permit before getting a license and all that. But, still! The possibility of being one of the cool student parking lot kids feels like it¡¯s open, now. After roll call was complete¡ªand Bobby finished both of his laps¡ªCoach Baylor led them to their actual classroom beneath the bleachers. Springton High¡¯s athletics field was ringed by mismatched sets of tiered seating, the far side for hosting spectators for away teams being made up of rickety, dilapidated wooden seating that looked to be a relic of the sixties, as well as newer aluminum stands that were section by section beginning to replace those old areas. On the home team side, however, the grandstands were a larger, more permanent concrete fixture with stadium-style seats, sporting an announcer¡¯s box at the very top and a number of actual rooms beneath. Almost all of this was new territory to Tabitha, who had been in Coach Cooke¡¯s demesne last time through; his room had been in a different building, sandwiched in just behind the weight room. Here beneath the bleachers, mens and ladies restrooms and the athletics department storage room were both accessible from the field side as well as a single internal hallway, and opposite them alongside that same hallway were locker rooms for each gender as well as a small office for Coach Baylor, and a single classroom. Arriving with everyone at the Personal Fitness classroom, Tabitha did not feel impressed. It was dingy, with cinderblock walls painted white and rows of battered student desks atop worn indoor-outdoor carpet that had faded to a dark gray. There were no windows, and there was no central heating here, with only a small, rather anemic electric heater at the front of the room the only thing fighting to keep the chill at bay. The walls were decorated with colorguard flags, cheer banners, and class photos from years gone by, while the cabinets behind the teacher¡¯s desk sported dozens of trophies. With the only source of warmth up front, Vanessa¡ªand by extension Tabitha, Marisa, and several of the other girls who had formed into an impromptu locker room cohort, took seats there. Bobby made eye contact with Tabitha several times throughout the mixture of people, but seemed hesitant to approach while Tabitha was surrounded by other girls. He never struck me as the type to be intimidated or feel peer pressure, though, Tabitha thought as she snuck another glance in his direction. The more she looked over in that direction, in fact, the more handsome Bobby appeared. He had so much confidence it bordered upon bravado, he was cute and he had humor in spades. There was just a sort of ease Bobby seemed to present to those around him, because while he was funny none of his jokes or teasing were altogether mean. Also, he was cute. Really cute, in that boyish but almost a man sort of way that was getting to be distracting. I remember him as ¡®that redneck guy,¡¯ or just as a sort of class clown. Which makes him giving me space now seem like¡­ he¡¯s feeling apologetic for putting a spotlight on me before, and recognizes that I need a little time and space to establish myself in with these girls better. Bobby¡­ that¡¯s really, really sweet and thoughtful of you.
¡°Alright, we have a course syllabus¡ªif you could pass this back to everyone in your row, thank you,¡± Coach Baylor said, dropping stacks of paper onto each first desk in the line. ¡°Part of your grade will be here in class, and part of your grade will be based on performance out there on the track.¡± Damn it all to hell, Bobby swore to himself, trying not to glare at the coterie of snotty girls who were arraying themselves around Tabitha. Sharing a class with Tabitha had seemed like an enormous stroke of luck, and he¡¯d planned on sitting next to her so they could get to know each other better. But, already the iron curtain of girl solidarity had closed around the girl in the front of the classroom. There was no way in hell he was subjecting himself to that kind of abuse¡ªthe girls today were all either spooked or irritated, and the short one with the sharp tongue was sure to rip into him if he approached now. Then, naturally the other girls would follow suit to exclude him, and it would be a day one shut out. Me and my big mouth. To everyone¡¯s groans and flagrant dismay, Coach Baylor announced she would be assigning them textbooks¡ªGlencoe Foundations of Personal Fitness, and would be giving out worksheets and assigned reading as well as occasional homework. This wasn¡¯t exactly the cakewalk free hours and easy credit his brother had insisted he was signing up for, but Bobby wore the easygoing, unbothered smile he was known for, and didn¡¯t let it get to him. It was easy for a scowl and shitty mood to spread to others, and that always had a compounding effect that just gave everyone a bad day. Also I don¡¯t want Tabitha to think of me as some kind of whiner¡ªnobody likes a whiner, right? DAMN IT. There¡¯s no assigned seating, apparently¡ªshould I try to mosey on over there, at some point? Why do the girls all have to group up all defensively like that?! There were still a few casual ice-breakers he knew that had moderate chances, but the fact of the matter was that today probably wasn¡¯t the day to even attempt them. Not when he¡¯d already pushed his luck with the infamous Baylor the Babe, and gotten in trouble with her for making those comments at seeing Tabitha was in this class. It was frustrating, but the body language of the pack of hyenas Tabitha had fallen in with was a clear fuck off, we¡¯ll tear you to shreds. It¡¯s alright. I get it. It¡¯s cold as hell, we¡¯re stuck in a shitty room and still all in our jackets, and Baylor seems like a bit of a hard case, maybe. And hey¡ªmaybe this is even for the best. I DID need to cool my head a bit when it comes to Tabitha. I was maybe coming on a little strong, back there. Yet still¡ªeven trying to tell himself that, it was still galling. Tabitha; this girl from his math class he was crushing on, was finally right here in the same class with him again, and they didn¡¯t have a way to talk. He wanted to bring up watching Willow together, and he was a little afraid she¡¯d say she had just watched the tape on her own already. After all, it was Willow. Of course she¡¯d want to see it right away. Maybe they could still talk about what she thought of the movie? He wanted to ask her a billion different things, he wanted to find out where she hung out during lunch period, he wanted to try to convince her to apply at McDonalds, so they could have shifts together, maybe. He wanted to flirt. Spending time with her just made him feel great, even thinking about her seemed to make him happy. The overwhelming infatuation he felt was now making it difficult to focus on joking around with the guys he found to sit with over on this side of the room. Because he was fourteen, and he was maybe in love, and like it or not, the redhead over there seemed to just forcibly occupy most of his thoughts. After all, she wasn¡¯t just cute, she was also interesting, she was funny and awkward in an excruciatingly charming way, and there was that undertone of vulnerability she carried that sent Bobby¡¯s need to protect and comfort her rocketing into overdrive. ¡°Yowza,¡± the guy next to him muttered under his breath. ¡°Ms. Baylor is a fox.¡± ¡°Hold old is she?¡± Another dude whispered. ¡°She looks way too hot to be a teacher.¡± ¡°Did you see those pictures on the wall? Of her in the cheerleading outfit? God damnnn¡­¡± ¡°Yep. Yep. Straight to the spank bank, man. Yep.¡± ¡°You see the way she walks? What¡¯s up with that?¡± ¡°Heard she blew out her knee, an¡¯ that¡¯s why she¡¯s stuck here instead of cheerleading herself. Like, she used to be pro.¡± ¡°How much do pro cheerleaders make, do you think?¡± ¡°More than she¡¯d make here.¡± ¡°Damn, blowing out your knee¡­ can you even imagine?¡± ¡°Yeah, my cousin said she used to have a cane and everything.¡± ¡°How long¡¯s she been teaching here?!¡± ¡°Sooo¡ªhow¡¯s she teach phys ed here, when she can barely walk?¡± ¡°Well, hell man¡ªshe¡¯s got a whistle. And she can yell.¡± ¡°¡®Bobby, say you¡¯re sorry and go run laps!¡¯ Haaahh!¡± ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s all you need basically, right?¡± ¡°Run, Forest, run! Hah ha haaa!¡± It¡¯s okay, it¡¯s okay, Bobby told himself, distracted but grinning along as the guys around him made fun at his expense. Plenty of time. It¡¯s not like Tabitha doesn¡¯t know who I am. She specifically invited me to her party, we had a pretty okay time together there. I got a hug! Like, a legit one. That¡¯s practically first base, right there. That MEANS something. I¡¯m gonna ask her out for sure¡ªjust, I want the moment to be just right. 55, Misery, tedium, and despair. Tabitha was going back to school today, Mrs. Moore thought as she stared down at her hands folded in her lap. Hope she¡¯s having a better time of it than I am here. She had to hold her hands together to still them, because otherwise they would shake. The sterile light of the Food Lion¡¯s break room this morning was ominous and terrifying, and half a dozen polite good mornings had been exchanged with the other employees there as they started their day. Everyone on this shift seemed curt and for the most part the niceties offered seemed particularly hollow¡ªManager John explained that these regular coworkers took time to warm up to new hires, because it was rare that new people lasted longer than a few days. His joke¡ªif that was supposed to be a joke¡ªwas not comforting to her in the slightest, and though Manager John chuckled to himself at it, she was unable to muster up anything more than a wincing smile. Manager John read off parts of her welcome packet to her while skimming past entire swaths of paragraphs as ¡®legal mumbo jumbo,¡¯ and skimmed through the sections detailing her ¡®first week of training¡¯... as if standing near Tracy yesterday while she ran a register was more than good enough to cover those basics. So, she was now outfitted in her collared blouse tucked into slacks, over which a Food Lion apron had been donned¡ªthe way it tied around her waist made her feel extra fat and exposed and grotesque, but she shoved all of those feelings deep down inside of herself before she could vomit. The break room she was sitting in felt even more tense than a hospital waiting room, and she was sure she stank of fear. The clock read 8:42, and the scant minutes until the actual start of her shift now seemed an agonizing length of time. Tracy arrived and took a seat, ignoring Shannon¡¯s presence completely, and the stout old woman promptly began instead leafing through pages of newspaper advertisements. Then two more people in aprons arrived through the doors; the chatterbox young lady from yesterday¡ªCindy¡ªand an older man with a stubbled face. To Shannon¡¯s surprise, they both immediately came and sat near her. ¡°Hi! I¡¯m Cindy, we met yesterday,¡± Cindy waved. ¡°This is Frank, he¡¯s in deli.¡± ¡°Shannon,¡± Shannon offered her hand. ¡°Nice to meet you,¡± Frank grunted, accepting her hand for a clammy handshake. ¡°You started yesterday?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Mrs. Moore swallowed. ¡°I was observing for a little bit, today¡¯s my first actual day.¡± ¡°Whew,¡± Frank shook his head in apparent dismay, but his tone was light and humorous. ¡°My condolences to you, then. No one cared enough to scare you off?¡± ¡°I¡­ really needed a job,¡± Mrs. Moore said with a helpless smile. ¡°Nowhere else would even call me back.¡± ¡°Yeeep, right there with ya,¡± Frank gave her a sober nod. ¡°I¡¯m in the same boat; no qualifications or experience,¡± Cindy revealed with a chipper smile. ¡°Dropped outta high school soon as I found out I was pregnant with Damien. Yeah, the pay here¡¯s the absolute worst and the hours are terrible and the conditions are pretty bad, but, well¡ªthey really will hire anyone.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­ something, at least?¡± Mrs. Moore tried to laugh, but one didn¡¯t come out. ¡°Yep,¡± Frank laughed. ¡°This is all I can do. Larceny and D.U.I. charges, I¡¯m on probation.¡± ¡°You¡¯re kidding,¡± Mrs. Moore said. It was hard for her to put this young man in the same mental box she kept her brother-in-law in. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Oh, don¡¯t let that fool you!¡± Cindy hurried to assure her. ¡°He¡¯s one of the nice ones!¡± ¡°Yeah, thanks,¡± Frank said with a roll of his eyes. ¡°Now, the mean ones around here are in meat department, couple of them have done hard time. Those bakery crones are nasty, too. Everyone in produce and deli are real nice and friendly, though, can¡¯t go wrong there. Hah, just¡­ maybe don¡¯t bother rememberin¡¯ too many people¡¯s names, around here.¡± ¡°Hahh, yeah. Don¡¯t get too attached to anyone!¡± To Shannon¡¯s dismay, this Food Lion store¡¯s high turn-over rate seemed to be a recurring conversation point that would keep popping back up, and both Cindy and Frank had a lot about it to say. Sometimes it felt like they were trying to warn her away, and at other times it was as though it was meant to put her at ease. After all, if she was worried about the blank fields she was forced to leave on her application, and the resume that was more gaps than substance¡­ she could apparently put those fears to rest. They hired anyone. Springton Food Lion didn¡¯t pay well enough to retain the good employees, it was forced to fire or suspend the worst ones, and everyone in-between seemed to be just any old warm bodies management could muster up to fill empty positions. Naturally, those folk would put in their two weeks notice the instant they found a better job, though most didn¡¯t even give Food Lion that courtesy¡ªthey simply disappeared, no-showed for their scheduled hours, or quit and walked out in the midst of their shifts. Thus, company culture here seemed like a bizarre atmosphere of cynical cheer and semi-repressed loathing. The abnormally high attrition rate of new hires turned things into an endless training montage for the regulars who did stick around, and any and all of the positions that paid even slightly better than average, such as the department heads, were described to her as a viper¡¯s nest of nepotism and crony politics. Which of course resulted in personal drama, grudges, and long-running feuds between sections that apparently became downright Shakespearean. ¡°We don¡¯t even have a seafood department at all, anymore!¡± Cindy added. ¡°When someone jokes about ¡®getting transferred to seafood,¡¯ they just mean getting fired.¡± ¡°Yeah, they all got axed a year or two back,¡± Frank nodded. ¡°Justin there got into one screaming match too many with Manager Phil, and finally took a swing at him. Big mistake, an¡¯ they had to call in the cops. Apparently it¡¯s a real bitch to pass food safety certification an¡¯ inspections for all that anyways, and Springton here wasn¡¯t ¡®xactly clamoring for fresh seafood in the first place. Not at those prices! All that stuff¡¯s just in with frozen, now.¡± ¡°Dairy and frozen¡¯s all a bunch of dumb kids,¡± Cindy chuckled. ¡°I think they¡¯re all teenagers there. Bakery department is¡­wellll¡­¡± ¡°Um, if I¡¯m a regular cashier, what department does that fall under?¡± Mrs. Moore asked. ¡°Manager John just¡ªskipped past all the stuff with the store areas.¡± ¡°Ah, you¡¯re in with front end, for now at least,¡± Frank explained. ¡°All that sales and service stuff up front, that¡¯s called front end. Lot of churn in front end.¡± ¡°But, you might not be stuck there!¡± Cindy tried to sound optimistic. ¡°If you were hired on seasonally, they might have you as a floater for a while. Pass you around to whatever department needs you most. Hopefully not bakery! Then, if one of the managers likes you, they¡¯ll transfer you over into their area.¡± ¡°You ever run a slicer?¡± Frank asked. ¡°Meat slicer?¡± ¡°Er¡ªI actually have no job experience at all,¡± Mrs. Moore admitted in embarrassment. ¡°Well, no worries there,¡± Frank shrugged. ¡°S¡¯not exactly rocket science in the first place. Could teach a five-year-old to run that stuff. They¡¯d probably do a better job, too! Some of these knuckleheads I get stuck with¡­¡± ¡°We¡¯ve also got no floral department at all,¡± Cindy spoke up. ¡°That¡¯s what I wanted to be in when I started, I would¡¯ve loved to work with flowers. We¡¯ve got a pharmacy, but none of us peasants are allowed to step a toe inside¡ªall that¡¯s strictly lock and key. Since stuff at the Food Lion pharmacy in Elizabethtown kept getting nicked. We¡¯ve got no beer and wine department, either¡ªthat one¡¯s the real bummer.¡± ¡°Semi-dry county,¡± Frank grunted. ¡°Municipality¡¯ll only sell so many liquor licenses for Springton, an¡¯ the beer distributor places gobble ¡®em all up every year.¡± ¡°Ah, I did know that,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded in understanding. ¡°We have a liquor store just here right at the end of our neighborhood.¡± ¡°Oh, do you live here in town?¡± Cindy¡¯s eyes lit up with interest. ¡°Where at?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m just living in the trailer park,¡± Mrs. Moore said with difficulty. ¡°The one right here in town.¡± ¡°No kidding? Do you know Mary?¡± Frank asked. ¡°Mary?¡± Mrs. Moore blinked, thinking for a moment but then shaking her head. ¡°No¡­ I don¡¯t think so?¡± ¡°Think she said she lives in that same trailer park,¡± Frank said. ¡°The one back in behind that gas station, right? Gas station and the liquor store right there.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the one,¡± Mrs. Moore blushed. ¡°Sorry, I just¡ªI don¡¯t really know any of my neighbors.¡± ¡°Mary¡¯s nice,¡± Cindy commented. ¡°You might see her today, she¡¯s in produce.¡± ¡°She won¡¯t see her,¡± Tracy spoke up from across the room, wearing the same bulldog frown from yesterday. ¡°They¡¯ll have new girl stuck on register the whole day.¡± ¡°Well, someone should at least show her around, first,¡± Cindy said with a pout. ¡°This is why we can¡¯t keep anybody!¡± ¡°Bakery lost two more people just over Christmas,¡± Frank grunted. ¡°Doug, and then that other new guy, what-was-his-name. The tall one.¡± ¡°Bakery¡¯s awful! Claudia is the fucking worst, steer clear of that rotten old bitch,¡± Cindy swore, surprising Mrs. Moore with her sudden change of demeanor. ¡°She tried to write up Doug for coming in two hours late, when he was only two hours late because she kept fucking around with the schedule there without letting him know. The rule is, they¡¯re always supposed to call or give you notice if they change your hours on the fly like that. But nope, not her, she don¡¯t care. Nobody cares.¡± ¡°Anything to keep the minimum wage pissants from ever getting our ten cent raise,¡± Frank muttered under his breath. ¡°If Manager John tried to sell you on gettin¡¯ bumped up ten cents every three months¡ªyou can forget it. That¡¯s just flat out not happenin¡¯, not no way, no how.¡± ¡°Not a chance,¡± Tracy agreed with her dour expression. ¡°They¡¯ll write you up for not havin¡¯ yer smile big enough.¡± ¡°Hah! Ask me how many write-ups I¡¯ve got,¡± Frank laughed. ¡°They¡¯re supposed to let you go once you¡¯ve got three¡ªI¡¯m on eleven. Got written up for going over the hours I¡¯m supposed to have, and I say¡ªwell, look here, John, I don¡¯t write the fuckin¡¯ schedules. Quit calling me in to cover people¡¯s shifts if you don¡¯t want my hours to go over. Nope! Suspended. During my suspension, guess what they do? They call me back in to cover someone¡¯s shift! You can¡¯t make this shit up.¡± ¡°I¡¯d have hung ¡®em out to dry,¡± Cindy growled. ¡°They don¡¯t want you comin¡¯ in, then don¡¯t come in!¡± ¡°No can do,¡± Frank said, shaking his head. ¡°Got child support to pay. I¡¯m takin¡¯ all the hours I can get.¡± ¡°Do you have kids, uh¡ªsorry, what was your name, again?¡± Cindy asked. ¡°Shannon,¡± Mrs. Moore said, feeling her throat constrict again. ¡°I have a teenage daughter. We¡¯re¡­ separated, right now. We don¡¯t live together.¡± She didn¡¯t want to lie to them while they were all being so forthright with her, but at the same time Shannon found herself hesitant to volunteer too much information. Her gut feeling told her that she was rubbing elbows here this morning with the gossip grapevine of the store, and anything she said would be repeated around to others the moment her name was brought up. ¡°Shannon, right,¡± Cindy nodded. ¡°And¡ªsorry, that sounds rough. I¡¯m lucky, my little one¡¯s just three. He¡¯s not goin¡¯ nowhere from his momma. Not ¡®til he turns twenty-one!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got two boys,¡± Frank grunted. ¡°They live with their mother over in Sandboro. Five and eight.¡± ¡°Mine are all grown up and gone off ¡®cross the country,¡± Tracy snorted. ¡°Good riddance to ¡®em. Bunch of bums.¡± ¡°She don¡¯t mean that,¡± Cindy confided in a loud whisper. ¡°She¡¯s just bein¡¯ stubborn.¡± Shannon was too ashamed to reveal her daughter was only fourteen and should still be living with her. She didn¡¯t know how she would ever go about explaining the catastrophic circumstances of her home life, and simply prayed that saying they were separated was a strong enough hint that she didn¡¯t want anyone prying for more details. It seemed plausible that some of the workers here would be either parents of high schoolers, or even high schoolers themselves! In a small town like Springton, everyone was connected, and word about who was related to who would get around fast once it was leaked. Almost wish I¡¯d just said I was new in town. ¡°Here we go¡ªclockin¡¯ in time for us, I think,¡± Frank quirked his chin in the direction of the clock. ¡°Shannon¡ªwas nice meetin¡¯ you. I¡¯d say I hope you stick around, but hell. I¡¯m not sure I¡¯d wish that on anybody.¡± ¡°Oh, stop,¡± Cindy guffawed as they rose from their seats and shuffled one by one in front of the timeclock computer. ¡°Shannon hon, are you on at nine? Did Manager John get you all set up so you can sign in too?¡± ¡°I sure hope so,¡± Shannon said with a nervous laugh, double-checking the hazy screen when it was her turn. A big boxy monitor with a black screen and rows of white text upon it awaited her, and it was difficult to shove down the raw dread she felt when she approached it. There was a monitor and a mouse, but no apparent modem or keyboard or even a little mousepad for the mouse¡ªsimply a depressing worn smudge on the tabletop, where hundreds of people before her had shifted the mouse the same several inches. She did so, moving the jittery little cursor across the dark pixels towards a column full of names on the right, clicked on hers, and then clicked it again to sign in when the black and white box her name was in inverted colors to white and black. ¡°I-I just clicked it there, and then there, and¡ªlike that?¡± ¡°Well then, now you¡¯ve done it¡ªwelcome to the jungle!¡± Cindy said, patting her shoulder. ¡°Just be sure an¡¯ holler over my way if you need anything, alright? Let¡¯s go and get our drawers assigned.¡± Shannon Moore nodded gratefully in response, but found herself unable to speak. She was now officially on the clock and working, she was employed. She was committed to six hours of whatever it was Food Lion wound up tasking her with doing. There were a million rules to remember, a weight of responsibility crushing down now, and the very real possibility that she would make a mess of things and be screamed at by customers, by bosses, likely even by her fellow coworkers. She would surely be subject to all manner of abuse here, and the prospect of withstanding it all twisted and tightened her guts and quickened her breath until she nearly hyperventilated. I¡¯m going to do this. I¡¯m GOING to do this. Even if I can¡¯t do this, I¡¯M GOING TO DO THIS.
SHANNON MOORE TIME IN _9:00 AM 01/04/1999 TIME OUT __:__ 01/04/1999 MONDAY
Because Springton High was on the way of her Aunt Kimberly¡¯s morning commute to work, Ashlee had been driven to school and dropped off on eerie, vacant schoolgrounds just after sunrise. Wandering the unfamiliar areas before the buses arrived with everyone made her feel like some sort of forgotten ghost. It was cold, and her embarrassing teal and mauve kiddie winter jacket from when she was younger not only didn¡¯t fit¡ªshe was embarrassed to be seen in it, and was of a mind to take it off and shove it in her bag the moment high schoolers started showing up. Entering into ninth grade here was a little terrifying, because the last grade Ashlee had finished was seventh, having been pulled out of Laurel Middle just a few weeks into eighth grade there. She hadn¡¯t been completing her assignments and had been ignoring her homework, and when her furious mother had threatened to just pull her out of school entirely and ¡®homeschool¡¯ her instead, Ashlee jumped at the chance. None of the adults had seemed to realize that that was not a punishment for her, or what a miserable existence Ashlee was in school¡ªno, everyone assumed she was like her sisters. Social, popular, thrilled to be there every day and be immersed in everyone¡¯s attention and envy. Nope. I¡¯m weirdo Ashlee with the lazy eye. Testing for placement to return to school had been a farce. She knew she flunked each of them, because for most of it she didn¡¯t even understand the questions. Apparently everyone but her had spent eighth grade learning impossibly difficult equations and conjugative English syntaxes or some such, because Ashlee didn¡¯t have a clue what any of the stuff even meant. Mrs. Cribb had bulled on regardless of her results with sickening cheer and those same old platitudes Ashlee had heard time and time again. If the stupid remedial thing means I get put into ninth grade even when I don¡¯t pass their tests, then WHAT¡¯S THE POINT of all the tests and grading and such in the first place? Because, I really don¡¯t get it. Instead of being held back a grade as she¡¯d expected, Ashlee would go to high school, but be in mostly the ¡®developmental education¡¯ versions of classes. Remedial english instead of english 1, pre-algebra rather than algebra 1. Rather than starting in normal freshman biology or marine science, she was tracked onto a primer course simply called ¡®life sciences.¡¯ Ashlee knew that she was entering ninth grade here in the second half of the year and already way behind, taking courses with those who¡¯d already tried the real classes and flunked out. And, if that¡¯s the case¡ªwhat¡¯s the POINT of it all? Ashlee stared out across the school grounds with a sullen expression. Do they imagine the DRIVE TO SUCCEED will magically just appear within me? When I HATE school, I hate EVERYONE IN IT, I don¡¯t understand why they want me to learn all of the stupid, pointless bullshit, and I don¡¯t care anymore. My parents aren¡¯t paying for college anyways, so why am I wasting time here? This isn¡¯t GOING ANYWHERE. It¡¯s a stupid charade, so they can pat themselves on the back and say ¡®well, at least we TRIED to give her opportunities, and that¡¯s all we can do!¡¯ I¡¯d have rather stayed home! FORCING me to be here just because DURR-HURRR, STUDENT TRUANCY BAD is just so¡­ STUPID! Everything and anything was irritating her today. Her bra didn¡¯t fit correctly, but she¡¯d been told she was wrong when she complained, that it was actually the right size, because she was going to grow into it. The shirt hidden beneath her ugly jacket was an oversized and slightly discolored white Spice Girls tee¡ªa hand-me-down from Brittney, who had in years past used it as a night shirt. On Ashlee¡¯s bony frame, she felt like she was swimming in the thing. Beneath that she then had on a pair of black sweatpants, but they weren¡¯t really black anymore, they were that certain ashy ¡®black¡¯ of black clothing perpetually mottled with lighter shades from lint and cat hair. Which sucks, because her stupid cat Huey won¡¯t even let me hold him! Ashlee scowled to herself. Yet, I still have to deal with having his fur all over everything. Not fair at all, if you ask me. Not fair at all. I just wanted to have him sit in my lap so I could pet him. Is that really so much to ask? All in all, Ashlee felt completely wretched. She wasn¡¯t educated enough to be here, her self-image remained at rock bottom where it always was, and when buses showed up and started disgorging tall, handsome high school teenagers who all seemed to know where they were going and what they were about, Ashlee wanted to just disappear. She scurried down one of the walkways away from that rush of arrivals until she spotted cafeteria tables through one of the glass double-doors of the buildings. There were a few kids sitting in there already, so she entered and quickly walked the rest of the way down the row of tables until she was sitting at the very far end corner. Away from everyone, as far away as she could manage for now. The flight of panic had her heart pounding and her eyes watering, but she was afraid to lift her trembling fingers and wipe away tears, because she¡¯d very carefully arranged her bangs to cover over her bad eye this morning¡ªthe unsettling pupil that drifted, perpetually pointed outwards in the wrong direction. Hiding her deformity was her top priority, and keeping it secret from everyone for as long as humanly possible was her only distant chance of ever hoping to survive high school. Putting her bag up in front of her on the table and hugging it against herself as tight as she could hid how her hands were shaking. I hate it here. I hate it here. I hate it here. She couldn¡¯t afford to show anyone how terrified and furious and intimidated and close to a complete mental breakdown she was¡ªall of those things attracted attention, and any tiny bit of attention was social suicide and would begin the slow but inevitable death of all hope. It would strangle any future here where she might manage to eke out her miserable existence. People from the buses were filing into the cafeteria, and the large open space began to echo with their voices as they sat here and there to grouse at each other about the cold or chat about this and that before classes started. Ashlee went rigid whenever she imagined one of the kids walking in glanced in her direction, feeling like she was cowering made her furious, and having no outlet for her anger made irrational ideas sprout throughout her fourteen year old mind like mushrooms. I should just¡ªrun away, Ashlee deliberated. Erica just took off and left once when she was younger, why can¡¯t I? I DON¡¯T WANT TO BE HERE. Imagining literal YEARS more of THIS, just IMAGINING it makes me feel like I¡¯m already going insane. Her entire body was stiff with tension, and though her overactive mind leapt from one idea to another in search of possible solutions, nothing was coming to her. She hated schoolwork, and Springton High promised to be several degrees more difficult and tedious than anything that had been forced upon her before. There weren¡¯t going to be friends or fun times here, just humiliation and agony as she was forced out to the periphery where she would watch her betters enjoy their fulfilling high school lives. Just when she suspected she couldn¡¯t possibly be any more demoralized, however, someone to lash out on finally approached her distant corner table. ¡°Um¡­ hey?¡± A weak, uncertain girl¡¯s voice asked, and for a moment Ashlee thought Tabitha had found her¡ªthe real Tabitha, not that imposter. It wasn¡¯t Tabitha. Instead, a girl her age with strawberry-blonde hair was fidgeting within an oversized hoodie. She was slightly pretty, which at first put Ashlee on edge, but staring for another couple seconds revealed that the girl was also kind of chubby. Not quite a social outcast, but definitely she had been outed, because sloppy eyeliner failing to conceal bags under her eyes, and suspiciously baggy clothing would make her the runt of the litter in any group of real popular girls. ¡°What,¡± Ashlee snapped. This girl flinched slightly at her voice, which did put her at ease¡ªAshlee couldn¡¯t help but start to imagine her circumstances. An army brat maybe, that had transferred here as a new student and failed to integrate into new friendships? No, the baggy clothing definitely indicated body issues. But, she was only heavyset, not fat or tubby like Tabitha had been. Teen pregnancy leapt first to mind, then victim of abuse was always a possibility, and finally Ashlee settled on deciding that this girl had probably been caught fooling around with a boy and publicly ostracized. Maybe had evangelical parents and was sent to some Christian rehabilitation summer camp for more shaming and punishment. Unaware that Ashlee had already attributed an entire dramatic backstory to her, the strawberry-blonde turned and cast a nervous glance back across the scattered kids throughout the cafeteria in indecision, then finally worked up the courage to speak again. ¡°Uh¡­ you were at that party, right?¡± Party? Ashlee almost scoffed. No. I don¡¯t go to house parties or drink or any of that kind of stuff¡ªyou¡¯ve CLEARLY mistaken me for some kind of¡ª ¡°Like¡ªthe roller skating thing?¡± The girl continued. ¡°I think you were there?¡± ¡°Oh. Yeah,¡± Ashlee froze. ¡°¡®Tabitha¡¯s¡¯ birthday thing?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± The girl frowned at the unusual emphasis on the name. ¡°¡®Tabitha?¡¯¡± ¡°She¡¯s a fake,¡± Ashlee gave a small shrug as she continued to size this girl up. She didn¡¯t feel the need to explain it further¡ªyou either understood that Tabitha was a fraud, or you didn¡¯t. ¡°Oh,¡± The girl said. ¡°Well¡ªyeah, I was there too. Clarissa.¡± ¡°Ashlee,¡± Ashlee said, continuing to stare. ¡°Um,¡± Clarissa seemed to flounder. ¡°Is it cool if I sit over here? Nobody, uh¡ªI don¡¯t have anyone to sit with.¡± ¡°Do whatever you want,¡± Ashlee scowled in excitement and relief. ¡°I don¡¯t care.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Clarissa paused again, hesitant to sit with her. ¡°So, what¡¯s your deal?¡± Ashlee asked. ¡°Nothing, I guess,¡± Clarissa¡¯s words were evasive but she did finally sit down, her posture both awkward and defensive. ¡°You?¡± ¡°Everything,¡± Ashlee scoffed. ¡°I hate it here. I really hate it here.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Clarissa said, staring off towards the far wall. ¡°You¡¯re one of ¡®Tabitha¡¯s¡¯ friends?¡± Ashlee tested. ¡°In with them?¡± ¡°Not really,¡± Clarissa shrugged, or rather¡ªher shoulders hunched up and then never really relaxed again. ¡°I was just kind of¡­ there?¡± ¡°Yeah, me too,¡± Ashlee agreed. ¡°She told me to show up for the movie at like, this exact time, and I even get dropped off early, and then of course no one¡¯s there. Waited in the lobby there for hours, and then when they get out after the movie she¡¯s all ¡®whoops, sorry we all forgot about you.¡¯ Yeah, right.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Clarissa turned to look at her with wide eyes. ¡°Like, on purpose?¡± Once again Ashlee felt a sliver of distrust¡ªbecause despite being a little chubby and the whole battered housewife or damaged goods or whatever act this girl was playing out, Clarissa still seemed a little too pretty and perfect to comfortably confide in. So, for a long moment Ashlee simply stared at her in that disquieting way she was so good at doing. Even with her lazy eye still hidden, Ashlee was just too well-practiced at giving people uncomfortable glares. ¡°Sorry, uh,¡± Clarissa chickened out first, lowering her head and instead examining her hands as she grasped for whatever missing subtext that stare was supposed to imply. ¡°I guess¡­ I don¡¯t know. Surprised they didn¡¯t all, uh¡­ exclude me, too. Considering everything.¡± ¡°Nah, it¡¯s this whole game they play,¡± Ashlee didn¡¯t even try to keep the venom out of her voice. ¡°You can¡¯t exclude two people, not at the same time. You have to pick them off one at a time. To make them feel the most, like, alone and vulnerable and all that. It¡¯s stupid popular girl mind game stuff. That time, it was me. Maybe next time, it would be you. S¡¯always like that.¡± ¡°Yeah, I guess,¡± Clarissa nodded along. ¡°Really can¡¯t stand them,¡± Ashlee continued to rant. ¡°Elena went to Laurel with me, we had classes together in sixth and seventh grade¡ªshe¡¯s the worst. ¡®Tabitha¡¯ is a complete and total fake. I don¡¯t know what they were telling the others there, but like the moment they saw me, everyone was just extremely hostile. It¡¯s like¡ªI¡¯ve never even met most of these people. If you really didn¡¯t want me at your birthday, don¡¯t invite me, then. ¡°What¡¯s their problem, even? I didn¡¯t even really want to go in the first place, but the moment my aunt got word from some school board lady, it was like they just were gonna make me go whether I wanted to or not. Even when I showed up with birthday presents for her, afterwards ¡®Tabitha¡¯ singled me out and had all sorts of issues with them. I hate them.¡± ¡°I got her a, uh, a Britney Spears CD,¡± Clarissa said. ¡°A single. I didn¡¯t know what else to bring. I don¡¯t really know them that well.¡± ¡°Okay, I remember you now,¡± Ashlee said, thinking back. ¡°You were all like, ¡®this is brand new and like it just got released,¡¯ and then ¡®Tabitha¡¯ is all playing it down, like everyone had already heard it before and it was old news. Fucking faker. God, I can¡¯t stand her.¡± ¡°You were the one who brought a¡­ purse? Right?¡± Clarissa asked. ¡°Yeah, and it was a Vera Bradley,¡± Ashlee snorted. ¡°They¡¯re expensive, so it should¡¯ve been fine for her. But, nope¡ªshe comes up to me later and is all like, ¡®you must have stolen this, because people like you can¡¯t afford nice things, and now I¡¯ll have to return it and blah blah blah.¡± ¡°Oh, wow,¡± Clarissa regarded her with wide eyes again. ¡°Yeah,¡± Ashlee said, embarrassed to realize she had overshared. ¡°So¡ªyeah.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Clarissa said. ¡°I really had no idea.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just how they are,¡± Ashlee scowled. ¡°She¡¯s supposed to be back in school this semester here, too. Tabitha the fake. She¡¯s got everyone wrapped around her little finger¡ªthe school board lady wanted me to be all buddy buddy with her, pretend like we¡¯re friends. We¡¯re not.¡±
¡°Hah, I recognize those patches,¡± A voice from behind Elena called out with a snort. ¡°Do si do?¡± Though they¡¯d been given a simple Introduction to Functions worksheet, during the last few minutes of third period algebra 1, the room filled with quiet chatter as everyone started donning their coats again in preparation to head out for lunch. Adjusting her army jacket and then swiveling sideways in her seat, Elena turned to face the girl¡ªbecause this class had alphabetical assigned seating, Smith was situated right after Seelbaugh. ¡°Vanessa,¡± Elena greeted the girl in a neutral tone. The two had long since been acquaintances and were cordial enough with one another, but they¡¯d never really been close. They had been in the same girl scout troop together in town, but back then they hadn¡¯t gone to the same middle school¡ªVanessa being one of the Springton Bulldog kids, and Elena being a Laurel Lion. When Elena left scouts as a cadette just before eighth grade, she¡¯d only kept in contact with Carrie, generally falling out of touch with her other friends from back then. I don¡¯t remember us having problems, but we didn¡¯t really get along, either, Elena thought back. But, in scouts I was one of the ¡®go-getters,¡¯ and the only real memories I have of Vanessa that stand out are of her complaining. ¡°Are you still in girl scouts?¡± Vanessa asked, giving her a peculiar look. ¡°Nah,¡± Elena gave her an expressive shrug while she looked out across the room. ¡°My mom pulled me out to do soccer, instead. Last year.¡± ¡°Right, right,¡± Vanessa nodded. ¡°Think I must¡¯ve left around the same time. It was fun, though.¡± ¡°Sure,¡± Elena said. So¡­ what is it that you want? ¡°You know Tabitha, right?¡± Vanessa wasn¡¯t going to beat around the bush. ¡°Tabitha Moore?¡± ¡°So what if I do?¡± Elena decided to immediately go on the defensive and wear a scowl. ¡°I remember back at the start of the year you were like, flipping out on people who were talking about her,¡± Vanessa continued to probe as if not recognizing Elena¡¯s hostile look. ¡°So¡ªwhat is her deal?¡± ¡°What do you care?¡± Elena asked. ¡°I just wanna know,¡± Vanessa pressed. ¡°I have first period with her, now. Personal fitness.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena used a more measured tone but continued to give the shorter girl a glare. ¡°Well. She¡¯s probably gonna take it seriously. She got real into exercise and stuff over the past summer, was running every morning and such. Being active. She¡¯d still be super active if not for people injuring her all the time.¡± ¡°Right, the Chris Thompson thing,¡± Vanessa nodded. ¡°I heard about that.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you still talk to Carrie?¡± Elena pointedly asked, fighting the urge to scowl again. Everyone heard about the thing with Chris Thompson. Just like everyone knows about the Erica Taylor thing, too. Can you not be so transparent about it when you¡¯re obviously just fishing for gossip? ¡°Carrie can choke on a bag of dicks,¡± Vanessa instead shook her head in curt refusal. ¡°Oh yeah?¡± Elena arched an eyebrow. ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°Nothing happened,¡± Vanessa shrugged. ¡°I never liked Carrie. To be honest, I thought you were like her, or still in with them. Right up until you went all¡­ goth.¡± ¡°Carrie fell in with the sophomore crowd first thing, and they were all out to get Tabitha,¡± Elena tried to sum things up with just a few words. ¡°Tabitha didn¡¯t get liposuction, or talk shit about Chris Thompson, or mess around with a teacher to get her grades fixed like the sophomores were trying to spread around. All of that was bullshit.¡± ¡°I figured,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°Just¡ªlike, okay so if all the rumors were made up, then what did really happen? What was their beef with her in the first place?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a long story, and a lot of it gets personal, so,¡± Elena shouldered her backpack and looked towards the door. ¡°Not my place to say. Not really everyone¡¯s business.¡± ¡°No, but like¡ªdid she do anything wrong?¡± Vanessa asked. ¡°In your opinion?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think she did anything wrong,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°Elena¡ªfor real, I need some details,¡± Vanessa stared. ¡°Please.¡± Elena gave her a long, searching look before deciding to continue. ¡°She¡­ bailed on a friendship when it got abusive,¡± Elena finally divulged. ¡°Someone got pissy about that, and tried to make her the scapegoat for a bunch of petty nonsense, tried to keep needling¡ªwell, keep getting under certain people¡¯s skin about it. Certain people that turned out to have bipolar disorders. When Tabitha finally speaks up about how abusive things were¡ªcops get involved, whole bunch of bad shit comes to light, this whole family gets separated by social services. Drama.¡± ¡°Okay, wow,¡± Vanessa¡¯s expression went blank as she tried to process all of that. ¡°Tabitha was fat back in middle school, and real¡­ not popular,¡± Elena shrugged again. ¡°So, over the past summer she pulls away from everything and just focuses on losing weight and turning her life around, and¡ªyeah. Certain people didn¡¯t like that, or maybe didn¡¯t like seeing her try to grow out of being their punching bag. I guess. Or were being egged on to hate on Tabitha because of¡­ reasons.¡± ¡°So the Tubby Tabby part was true, then?¡± Vanessa asked. ¡°She just lost all of the weight?¡± ¡°She lost all the weight.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°I¡¯m cool with her, then. I just¡ªyeah, I wanted to know what was going on, first. Erica and a bunch of those sophomores got suspended, right?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said. ¡°Carrie¡¯s still here. But, if she tries to start up that whole rumor mill again, I think she¡¯s gonna get shut down, hard.¡± ¡°Good,¡± Vanessa glanced up as the bell tone for lunch resounded across the school¡¯s intercom. ¡°Cool. Thanks, Elena. Sorry for bein¡¯ such a stranger for the past while, you know?¡± ¡°No big deal,¡± Elena said as they rose out of their seats and joined the crowd heading for the door.
¡°Hold up there, l¡¯il lady!¡± Bobby called out. ¡°Fancy havin¡¯ a sit with me, for lunch? My treat, I¡¯m buyin¡¯.¡± ¡°Bobby!¡± Tabitha paused in a school hallway full of streaming passerby and allowed him to catch up to her. ¡°Um¡ªsorry? I don¡¯t eat lunch.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t eat lunch,¡± Bobby couldn¡¯t tell if she was joking or not. ¡°Then¡ªwhat do you have for lunch?¡± ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t?¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°I don¡¯t eat lunch. I skip lunch.¡± Though she¡¯d been so highly strung that she was feeling downright skittish all morning, the past two class periods had slowly drained the tension out of her with several hours of monotony sitting at desks scribbling away at papers or listening to teachers drone on. That Marisa girl who was getting a locker room locker with their group happened to share third period with her, and they chatted there for a bit, but otherwise there had been no one else Tabitha knew in her new classes. Having a chance to talk to Bobby now was a bit of a relief¡ªback there in first period it had felt like if they were to speak to one another they would be doing so with an audience hanging onto their every word. Ironically, it was here in the relative anonymity of Springton High¡¯s busy corridors where they had ¡®privacy,¡¯ as everyone else was occupied heading this way and that in search of lunch. He was cute, and sported a rather contagious smile that was hard for her not to respond in kind to. All in all, she was thankful that they hadn¡¯t attempted this conversation several hours ago, when she would have been either on edge and clamping up or stammering out words and a total mess. ¡°You¡­ what?¡± Bobby laughed. ¡°You don¡¯t get like, hungry?¡± ¡°Oh, I do,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I just ignore it? I¡¯m trying to watch what I eat.¡± ¡°Tabby¡ªgirl, you must weigh like, ninety pounds soaking wet,¡± Bobby took the opportunity to give her figure a once-over. ¡°C¡¯mon, now.¡± ¡°I weigh a hundred and five, thank you very much,¡± Tabitha sniffed in an imperious tone, putting her nose up in the air. ¡°Hell, I¡¯m just shy o¡¯ one-sixty m¡¯self,¡± Bobby said. ¡°You gotta eat to get y¡¯self through these kinda days, ya know?¡± ¡°What, ya can¡¯t muster up the gumption to get all ah yer school-learnin¡¯ on an empty stomach?!¡± Tabitha teased him in an exaggerated Kentucky drawl. ¡°I don¡¯t sound like that,¡± Bobby scoffed. ¡°Now yer jus¡¯ pokin¡¯ fun at me.¡± ¡°Well boy howdy, I do apologize,¡± Tabitha kept it up. ¡°Yer redneck accent kept lapsin¡¯ away into full-on cattle rustler. ¡®L¡¯il lady?¡¯ Really?¡± ¡°I was jus¡¯ fixin¡¯ to mind my manners, that¡¯s all,¡± Bobby said. ¡°So¡ªwhereabouts do you sit fer lunch, anyhow?¡± ¡°Oh, jus¡¯ tryin¡¯ to look chivalrous, huh?¡± Tabitha borrowed liberally from lines she remembered from season one of Westworld. ¡°Hah. I keep forgettin¡¯ you may look like a cowboy, but that¡¯s ¡®bout the extent of it.¡± It suddenly occurred to Tabitha that maybe this was why she always found herself so comfortable around Bobby¡ªthe way his goofing around was like play-acting. It was easy for her to do that, or at least easier. In the same way she fit herself snug and cozy into a certain persona when she was with her cousins, or with Hannah. So much of her time spent at high school felt like she was fighting to tear away her own defenses and pretenses so that she could bare her real self to the world¡ªand that was exhausting. What a strange facet of the teenage SELF-DISCOVERY process, Tabitha mused to herself. I strain so hard to BE MYSELF, when all of the ¡®cool¡¯ people here are in fact putting on acts. I don¡¯t even know which route takes more mental gymnastics to work though¡ªwhy is putting on a facade for everyone sometimes easy, and sometimes just so tiresome and aggravating? Likewise, why is being REAL sometimes exhausting, and sometimes effortless? ¡°Whew. Wheww buddy!¡± Bobby clutched at his heart as though he¡¯d been shot through. ¡°This is why I like you, Tabitha¡ªnone of them other girls ¡®round here have the least bit of a sense of humor. Buy you lunch?¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha smiled but shook her head, dropping the accent. ¡°Not today, handsome. Do you always play around and talk like this when you¡¯re at school?¡± ¡°I¡¯m jus¡¯ havin¡¯ fun,¡± Bobby professed, giving her a big grin. ¡°Where you headed? So hey, you think I¡¯m handsome?¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna find my friends and sit with them,¡± Tabitha dodged the question, but couldn¡¯t stop her smile from growing. ¡°Alicia drew me a cool picture for a Christmas present!¡± ¡°Cool, awesome,¡± Bobby nodded along, following her cue and losing the accent as well. ¡°Merry Christmas, by the way. Was yours okay?¡± ¡°It was¡ªrough,¡± Tabitha admitted with a wince. ¡°But, it¡¯s over with and behind me.¡± ¡°Rough?¡± Bobby frowned. ¡°You alright? What happened?¡± ¡°Just family nonsense,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°You know how it is.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve just got my mom and my brother, but we get along okay.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not good with family,¡± Tabitha said, pausing again as she realized something. ¡°Bobby¡ªwhy aren¡¯t I nervous when I talk to you?¡± ¡°Could it¡­could it be that I¡¯m just rather disarming?¡± Bobby grinned. ¡°It is rather difficult to take you seriously,¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°Maybe that¡¯s it? Normally I don¡¯t think I could just compliment a boy or call one handsome. But, since we¡¯re just joking around, I can¡ª¡± If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°Well, of course it¡¯s¡ªwait a minute, so you weren¡¯t serious?!¡± Bobby groaned. ¡°I¡¯m handsome. Look at me¡ªjust look at this mug. I know I¡¯m handsome. My grand-nan said so, and she wouldn¡¯t lie to me.¡±
¡°Hey, how you holdin¡¯ up so far?¡± Cindy asked, opening up a blue cooler bag in her lap to reveal a sandwich wrapped in plastic wrap and a baggie of baby carrots. ¡°Thinkin¡¯ you¡¯ll stick around?¡± Returning to the back break room to punch out for her mandatory break was strange and surreal¡ªonly a scant few hours had passed, but the time spent on register for her shift felt like literal days had elapsed. Her feet ached until they were throbbing because she was so unused to standing, and Mrs. Moore felt physically, emotionally, and mentally spent beyond her capacity. Her first day as a Food Lion had carried her the whole way across the breadth of the entire human experience, from the unexpected joy of discovery, realizing she¡¯d figured something out on her own¡­ to the raw horror of a customer snapping at her with¡ª¡°Uhh¡ªhey, you never gave me my change?¡± ¡°Yeah, um,¡± Shannon fidgeted with her hands upon her knees. ¡°I think so? I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m just so nervous.¡± She was understating her anxiety¡ªher first day on register was so nerve-racking that she¡¯d been moments away from tears for the past three hours. The front end of the Food Lion was so bright and open she felt constantly exposed, and customers were all coming and going so fast that it was overwhelming. Whenever someone was checking out in her aisle, tension bordering on panic rose up just beneath her skin, even though for the most part the average transaction was extraordinarily simple and straightforward. Scan the items, put them in the bag, tell them the number. Take the money, punch it in and put it in the drawer. The computer tells me what change to give them back, always give them the largest coins I can. Remember the receipt. Give customers the bag. Just when the tedium and monotony of that began to calm her down, something would inevitably go wrong¡ªthe digital display would error code 11, whatever that meant, or have bagged fruit that needed to be weighed and input into the computer some way she was doing wrong, or sometimes the drawer simply wouldn¡¯t spring open when she expected it to, jumbling up her terrified mind into a scramble to figure out what she was doing wrong. ¡°Looked to me like you were doin¡¯ just fine,¡± Cindy remarked, peeling bag the wrap on her sandwich. ¡°I was a mess, my first day. But you, you did great!¡± Cindy¡¯s sandwich looked to be a peanut butter and jelly one, and the sight of it made Mrs. Moore¡¯s stomach twist into knots. She hadn¡¯t been able to force down breakfast, and now hunger pains and nausea were combating one another, because spending all morning on edge had her sure she would throw up. The idea of getting home to where she was safe and free from the stress and obligation of all of this had her entire body longing to simply not be here in the store anymore. Today was even a slow day, or so she was told¡ªmanager John had remarked that she was lucky they had enough slack to let her take her fifteen along with Cindy. Mrs. Moore was realizing that Cindy was basically her minder today, and the chipper girl had walked her through the basics of clocking out for break on the computer with a patience that Mrs. Moore found embarrassing. After all, Cindy was young, just a twenty-something that looked like she should be some fresh face in college. ¡°N-no, no, I messed up so many times,¡± Shannon¡¯s face tightened into a wince when she attempted to smile. ¡°That time, um, when that old lady wanted to pay with a check, and I, I just had no idea what on earth to do¡­¡± ¡°Ah, yeah, you¡¯ll get that,¡± Cindy nodded in agreement around a mouthful of her sandwich. ¡°Checks¡¯re a pain! Hey¡­ were you rememberin¡¯ to ask for their Food Lion MVP card?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore froze up in horror. ¡°I haven¡¯t¡ªoh my God, I haven¡¯t asked anyone even once, all day long¡ª!¡± ¡°Hey! Don¡¯t sweat it,¡± Cindy smiled and shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­ yeah, one of the times I was glancin¡¯ over your way, I saw this lady was holdin¡¯ out her reward card for you to scan it for her, and you didn¡¯t seem like you were noticin¡¯?¡± ¡°Oh my God¡ª!¡± Shannon¡¯s face fell as her vision filled with tears. ¡°Hey! Hey, no big deal, seriously¡ªno big deal,¡± Cindy hurried to comfort her. ¡°Like, it probably woulda only saved her seventy cents or somethin¡¯. I just wanted to let you know, ¡®cause that¡¯s one of those things the floor managers¡¯ll get up your butt about if they see it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡ªI¡¯m so sorry¡ª!¡± Shannon sobbed, hunching over in her seat and covering her face with her hands. ¡°Hey, no no no¡ªyou¡¯re fine, it¡¯s fine!¡± Cindy rushed in to take her shoulder. ¡°No big deal! The lady didn¡¯t even speak up about it or anything, she didn¡¯t care that much. It was no big deal, okay? Okay, hon?¡±
¡°Tabs¡ªawesome,¡± Alicia wore a huge grin as she waggled the pair of anime VHS tapes that had been her Christmas present¡ªTrigun episodes, and Fire Emblem. ¡°Watchin¡¯ these like, the second I get home.¡± ¡°Japanimation?¡± Bobby remarked, slipping into the table¡¯s bench seat beside them uninvited. ¡°Nice.¡± ¡°Are you into anime?¡± Tabitha asked, giving him a quizzical smile that seemed to stun him. ¡°Uhhh¡ªI guess so?¡± Bobby laughed. ¡°Pokemon?¡± Alicia pressed. ¡°Ehh,¡± Bobby hedged. ¡°I¡¯m more into Dragonball Z?¡± ¡°Dragon Ball Z. Do you know Dragon Ball Z?¡± Alicia checked its future relevance with Tabitha. ¡°Oh yeah, it¡¯s real big,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Well, I¡¯ve never watched it, but it¡¯s always had lots of memes?¡± ¡°Memes?¡± Bobby looked perplexed. ¡°Yeah, like¡ªVegeta,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°He¡¯s the one with the crazy hair, right?¡± ¡°Well uhh¡ªthey all kinda have crazy hair, but Vegeta¡¯s definitely¡ª¡± ¡°Vegeta?¡± Alicia asked, giving them an incredulous look at the absurd name. ¡°Seriously? Is this like a Veggie Tales thing?¡± ¡°Hey, watch it¡ªI love Veggie Tales,¡± Bobby shot back with a huge grin. ¡°Ohhh wheeere¡ªis my hairbrush? Ohh wheeere¡ªis my hairbrush?!¡± ¡°Stop! Stop. No,¡± Alicia pointed a finger at him. ¡°We are not singing Veggie Tales here. This is the cool kids table.¡± ¡°And yet, here you all are, watching Japanime. Interesting,¡± Bobby put on a faux-judgemental tone as he examined one of the VHS tapes. ¡°Yes, hmm. Very interesting.¡± ¡°Hey! Yoink,¡± Alicia grabbed Trigun back from him in a huff. ¡°This was a Christmas present from Tabitha. And besides, just look at it¡ªdude looks totally rad. S¡¯like uhhh, like if Michael Jackson and the blond Russian guy from Rocky had a baby, and then gave the baby a big Clint Eastwood handgun. It¡¯s gonna be awesome!¡± ¡°How ¡®bout instead of watchin¡¯ all that Japanimated nonsense, you guys check out Willow?¡± Bobby suggested. ¡°Tabitha¡ªdid you watch it yet?¡± ¡°I¡­ have not!¡± Tabitha admitted with a sheepish look. ¡°It looked too, um, too scary to sit down and watch with Hannah.¡± ¡°Well¡ªwhat are you doing after school?¡± Bobby grinned. ¡°Spending time with Hannah,¡± Tabitha retorted with a sly smile. ¡°Of course.¡± ¡°Hey guys,¡± Elena approached them with a small wave, dropping her bag on the table. ¡°Alicia. Tabitha. Bobby.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± ¡°Yo.¡± ¡°¡®Sup.¡± ¡°So, hey,¡± Elena fished the pocket notebook out of the breast pocket of her army jacket and gestured it towards Tabitha. ¡°Are all of these¡­?¡± ¡°Yes! All of the Evanescence lyrics I could remember,¡± Tabitha sat up straight. ¡°Definitely all of their hit songs. There were a few others I could only remember some of the lines for. So, you having that¡ªthat¡¯ll be proof.¡± ¡°They¡¯re neat,¡± Elena gave her a respectful nod. ¡°But¡­ I might have to have you sing them out a little, so that I can kinda get the full idea of how they sound.¡± ¡°Oh, sure,¡± Tabitha eagerly agreed. ¡°Yeah. Definitely!¡± ¡°Guys¡ª¡± Alicia interrupted, slapping her sketchpad on the tabletop. ¡°Art club. You¡¯re all joining, right? Bobby, art club? Tabitha? C¡¯mon.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll go,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Do I need a shirt?¡± ¡°What day are the meetings?¡± Bobby asked. ¡°I can draw. I¡¯m probably the best draw-er I know.¡± ¡°You can draw?¡± Alicia arched an eyebrow at him. ¡°Alright then, show me.¡± With a flourish, she turned her artbook to a blank page and then slid it across the table towards him in challenge, dropping a mechanical pencil atop it. Bobby shifted forward in his seat, laced his fingers together and then stretched them out as if he was a piano maestro preparing for a lengthy concert, and even picked up the pencil daintily between his thumb and forefinger and gave it experimental taps on the edge of the table as if he was a conductor preparing to launch a symphony. ¡°Ahem, ahem ahem ahem,¡± Bobby cleared his throat with theatrics. ¡°So, this is gonna be Larry from Veggie Tales, and¡ª¡± ¡°Wait, no, no,¡± Tabitha perked up. ¡°Draw¡­ the Mandalorian.¡± ¡°The Mandalorian?¡± Bobby looked at her in surprise. ¡°You mean Boba Fett?¡± Boba Fett¡­ wasn¡¯t that Mando¡¯s creepy bald uncle? Tabitha tried to sort out her tangled recollection of Star Wars lore. It might have been. But, Mando and Grogu were for sure NEW characters made up after Disney bought out Star Wars, so¡­ ¡°Yeah, sure,¡± Tabitha nodded, sharing a small smirk with Alicia. ¡°But¡­ I want you to draw him with a baby Yoda.¡± ¡°A baby Yoda?¡± Bobby paused, already partway through drawing a T-visor shape. ¡°Hah, why a baby one?¡± ¡°For¡­ no particular reason at all,¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°I want you to draw the Mandalorian, and then a baby Yoda with him¡ªand then I want you to sign and date the drawing.¡± ¡°Okay? Sure,¡± Bobby chuckled, creating the outline of a helmet with a swoop of the pencil. ¡°Hey¡ªfor you, Tabitha, anything you want. Whatever floats your boat.¡± ¡°Boba Fett and a baby Yoda?¡± Alicia gave her a peculiar searching look. ¡°The Mandalorian and a baby Yoda, yes,¡± Tabitha fought to keep a smug look off of her face. ¡°Then, we¡¯re gonna sign and date that January 1999, and put it in a picture frame. For posterity.¡± ¡°Yeah, cause I¡¯m that good,¡± Bobby chortled to himself in a self-satisfied way as he drew out an ¡®artful¡¯ rendition of Boba Fett with all of the apparent skill of a second-grader. ¡°Hell yeah.¡± ¡°Draw baby Yoda in a um, a floating egg, please,¡± Tabitha advised him. ¡°It¡¯s like a floating egg?¡± ¡°You got it,¡± Bobby agreed with gusto, scribbling in more lines. ¡°Baby Yoda; over-easy.¡± ¡°Yoda¡¯s the frog guy, right?¡± Elena asked. ¡°The one that talks backwards?¡± ¡°Talk backwards, I do¡ªhm hn hmm hnn hmmm!¡± Bobby imitated Yoda¡¯s laughter with surprising accuracy. ¡°¡®Lena¡ªhe¡¯s not a frog!¡± Alicia chastised her friend. ¡°C¡¯mon Tabs, tell her.¡± ¡°Then, what is he?¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°He¡¯s like a puppet, right? Or, a muppet?¡± ¡°He¡¯s a Jedi Master,¡± Bobby said in a grave tone. ¡°A great warrior.¡± ¡°Ah¡ªbut, wars not make one great!¡± Alicia lit up with excitement, offering up her fist for a fist bump. ¡°Please tell me you¡¯re not all gonna start talking like that,¡± Elena made a face at seeing the pair bump fists. ¡°Just¡ªno. Don¡¯t even start. Tabitha, no. No. I recognize that look, you¡¯re trying to think up some backwards muppet-talk line right now, well, just¡ªdon¡¯t.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t even say anything!¡± Tabitha burst into laughter. ¡°I, I was still thinking!¡±
Although her first day back to school was packed with experiences, the hours were also elapsing on by fast, because somehow or other Tabitha still felt conditioned to work shifts at the line safety plant. When you spend a good portion of your life working a monotonous eight hour shift, transitioning back to a mere five and a half hour school day and changing up locations for classes and seeing all the new faces every few hours¡ªthis day was just flying by. So, after lunch, she sat through a world history class incredibly distracted by wondering if it was taught by the same person from Mrs. Moreno¡¯s gossip, and then there was biology. Biology happened to also have Gary¡¯s loud friend from the bus in it, and although they didn¡¯t sit near each other, Tabitha and him acknowledged each other with solemn nods of respect. Which felt cool! His name turned out to be Jacob at roll call, and she was able to mentally file that information away for later. Like world history before it, biology was taught by a no-nonsense teacher who didn¡¯t allow much of anything in the way of commotion or socializing, so that was that. Her final period for the day, art 2D, turned out to be the most interesting of all of her classes. Mr. Peterson the art teacher defied all of her expectations and turned out to be a brawny, wild-eyed man with a buzz cut and a toothy grin, wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt that couldn¡¯t quite contain his biceps¡ªstark upon one of which was a prominent US Army tattoo; framed within laurel branches was the emblem of a military tank atop crossed sabers. The art room itself was a chaotic mess of tall tables and barstools, each battered and beaten and spotted with paint from what must have been decades of accidents and spills. The walls and surrounding cabinets were a riot of shapes and color, because paintings and sculptures of every kind were jostling with one another for attention from every available surface. After stepping inside with the other students, some of which were familiar with the place already, and some of which like her were gawking, Tabitha filed around the tables on one side and chose a nice seat at one corner of the room. To her surprise, this time a number of familiar faces appeared to be sharing class with her. Olivia¡¯s boyfriend Michael was sitting at one of the other corner tables, and over there she also spotted Amber, a somewhat mean girl from last semester¡¯s marine science class who had exchanged barbs with Elena over her. Vanessa¡ªstill sporting her poofball hat from this morning¡ªput on a satisfied smirk upon entering and catching sight of Tabitha, immediately moving to join her table, and finally Clarissa trotted in just before the bell rang to start class, scanning the room with a panicked expression before Tabitha waved her over in invitation. ¡°Welcome! Welcome,¡± Mr. Peterson stood up from his desk near the door to address them. ¡°Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, this is Art 2D¡ªif your sixth period is not supposed to be Art 2D, speak so now or forever hold your peace!¡± Nervous laughter sounded across the room and Mr. Peterson¡¯s grin widened as he turned, surveying his newest crop of students here. His eyes lingered on Tabitha¡¯s for a moment in clear recognition, but his gaze continued on across everyone without comment. He was a very handsome un-handsome man, with rugged unattractive features that became interesting to look at and maybe even attractive simply by the raw unbridled charisma he seemed to possess. ¡°Alright then, looks like you¡¯re stuck with me,¡± Mr. Peterson clapped his hands together loud enough for nearby kids to flinch on their stools. ¡°Alright! Easy there, partner, easy. Hah. In any case, I am Mr. Peterson, I answer to Mr. Pete, Mr. Petey, Mr. Peterson, and Staff Sergeant Peterson! For starters, let¡¯s get the good news and the bad news out of the way. Good news! This class will not have a textbook or tests, and I do not give homework, so if you can gimme a round of applause¡ª!¡± A hearty round of applause answered out, with some kids even loudly cheering, and with a wry smile Tabitha found herself exchanging glances with Vanessa and clapping along. ¡°Thank you! Thank you. Then¡­ for the bad news¡ª¡± Mr. Peterson¡¯s cheshire grin seemed to deepen with every sentence. ¡°While you¡¯re in my class, you have to work!¡± Give me some boos!¡± His classroom eagerly complied with boos, moans of complaint and exaggerated groans sounding out one after another. ¡°Yeah, yeah, shuddup¡ªit¡¯s called artwork, alright?!¡± Mr. Peterson raised his arms in a helpless gesture. ¡°Alright, shuddup, shuddup, settle down, now. The cheers are always the same but the boos get louder every year, hah. Kids these days!¡± ¡°Mr. Peterson?¡± Vanessa¡¯s hand shot up into the air. ¡°Yes, little lady¡ªwhat¡¯s your name?¡± Mr. Peterson pointed. ¡°Vanessa, sir,¡± Vanessa was just about to continue when he cut her off. ¡°Great! Keep your questions to yourself,¡± Mr. Peterson grinned, pointing instead towards a guy at the front table with his arm raised. ¡°You, you in the red.¡± ¡°Staff Sergeant Peterson, are we¡ª¡± The boy began. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± Mr. Peterson pressed. ¡°Uhh¡ªKevin, but¡ª¡± ¡°Outstanding! Next question,¡± Mr. Peterson cut him off to point to someone else as more and more hands started to go up. It appeared to be a regular comedy routine he did at the start of semesters, because Mr. Peterson eagerly called on one student after another just to brush them off or inform them¡ªone by one¡ªthat he would not be answering questions right now. With a pout, Vanessa slumped down in her seat, crossing her arms, while Tabitha caught Clarissa putting on a weak smile. ¡°Okay, great! Thank you, everyone, that was illuminating. Let¡¯s move on,¡± Mr. Peterson continued. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯re all wondering to yourself¡ªhow in the heck does this guy grade this class? Well, allow me to enlighten you! In this class, art 2D, you draw. Every day in here, you¡¯re going to be practicing and working to improve! And, I¡¯ll be moving around amongst you, checking on each of you and helping you out here and there however I can. You are free to talk quietly amongst yourselves at your tables during class! ¡°But. You do have to be working on your art! If I happen to notice one day you¡¯re doin¡¯ a lot of talkin,¡¯ but not a lot of workin¡¯? I put down a bad grade for you, and that¡¯s that. It is very easy to do well in my class, and it is likewise very easy to do poorly! ¡°We have seven big tables in here, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,¡± Mr. Peterson pointed out each of the broad surfaces in turn¡ªTabitha, Vanessa, and Clarissa were sharing table six with one other girl and a single guy. ¡°You there sitting at eight, move on over to other tables. ¡°Eight there will be the kiddy table; if one day you¡¯re late to class, if you¡¯re talkin¡¯ too much, if you annoy me, or hell, if I just don¡¯t like the way you look¡ªyou will be sitting in time out at eight for the duration of that class.¡± They paused while the three people who¡¯d happened to sit at table eight grabbed up their coats and backpacks and found other tables to squeeze into. Tabitha hadn¡¯t noticed earlier as she was coming in with how distracting all of the art on display was, but that table was set further apart than the others and somewhat isolated¡ªif the entrance and teacher¡¯s desk was to one side of the room and the chalkboard was the ¡®front,¡¯ the now empty table eight was near the front while all of the other tables were arrayed around it. ¡°Great! Outstanding. Now, I¡¯m gonna give you all a couple minutes to get to know your table, or switch up seats to wherever you want, I don¡¯t care¡ªand at the end of¡­ let¡¯s say five minutes¡ªeach table is gonna have a leader elected for me. What¡¯s this leader gonna do? Your leader¡¯ll be the one who collects assignments and puts them in the table folder for period six, they¡¯ll be the one you go to if you need more paper, or if you need something from the store room, or if you have questions, or anything like that. ¡°Delegation! Delegation is key. Table leaders, you¡¯re allowed in and out of the store room for stuff, we don¡¯t need everyone in the whole class goin¡¯ in and out of there all the time. You¡¯ll also be the ones to come talk to me if your table has a problem, and if I see your table has a problem, you¡¯re gonna be the one I ask about it. You understand me? Okay guys; go, get to it.¡± ¡°Uhhh, alright,¡± Tabitha started things off for their table. ¡°We¡¯re table six, right? I¡¯m Tabitha, or you can call me Tabby. I um, I don¡¯t know much of anything about drawing.¡± ¡°Vanessa. I can¡¯t draw,¡± Vanessa introduced herself with a proud look. ¡°Like, at all.¡± ¡°Stacy Campbell,¡± the other girl gave them a sheepish look. ¡°Uhh, I can do stick figures? Does that count?¡± ¡°Eric,¡± the guy said, unable or unwilling to make eye contact with their group. ¡°Um, I¡¯m Clarissa?¡± Clarissa said. ¡°I can like¡­ I can doodle, but that¡¯s about it?¡± ¡°Eric, can you draw?¡± Vanessa asked in a blunt tone. ¡°Do you want to be table leader?¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Eric all but cowered. ¡°Kinda, but¡­ no? I don¡¯t want to be leader.¡± ¡°Then¡­¡± Tabitha spoke up. ¡°Vanessa has my vote?¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Vanessa gave her a grateful nod. ¡°Unless anyone else wants it¡­?¡± ¡°Nah,¡± Stacy shook her head. ¡°No,¡± Clarissa said. ¡°No way.¡± ¡°Okay, cool,¡± Vanessa was satisfied, and sat up straight on her stool. ¡°Except¡­ like, what if we¡¯re the dunce table, ¡®cause we don¡¯t have anyone who can even draw, here?¡± ¡°Well, we¡¯re here to learn, right?¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Otherwise what¡¯s the point?¡± ¡°I can draw some,¡± Eric muttered. ¡°Just, it¡¯s all like¡ªyou know.¡± ¡°Well, if you friggin¡¯ want to be in charge, just say so,¡± Vanessa shot him a venomous glare, daring him to refute her. ¡°Okay, mister bigshot? You have some problem with me being leader?¡± ¡°No! No,¡± Eric sputtered. ¡°I just¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, um,¡± Clarissa addressed Tabitha in a low voice while Vanessa continued to tease and harass¡ªor possibly flirt¡ªwith Eric. ¡°You know Ashlee, right? From the¡ªfrom your party.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha blinked in surprise. ¡°Of course, yeah.¡± ¡°She uh,¡± Clarissa paused. ¡°So, I was going by this morning and saw her and like, sat with her¡ªjust because there wasn¡¯t anybody else to sit with, really¡ªand she was, she was going on and on and on about you. Saying all sorts of stuff behind your back. She really doesn¡¯t like you. Was uh, was saying you¡¯re so fake, or that like, that you¡¯re out to get her, or gave her the wrong times for the movie on purpose so she¡¯d miss it and stuff. That you were saying she must have stolen that purse she gave you, or uh, that¡ªwell, all kinds of things.¡± Stacy pretended not to listen in with interest as Tabitha let out a deep, heavy sigh at the news. So, Ashlee is back in school finally. I had wondered. And, I guess it means¡ªdrama. Because, of course it does. This must just be what it¡¯s like to be IN THE LOOP on things for once, so¡­ yay. This is definitely new. Normally I feel like I¡¯d just find all of this stuff out days or weeks or MONTHS later, after the fact. Yay! YAY. It¡¯s actually not at all as nice being in the know as I imagined it would be, kinda just feels like it¡¯s a bunch of more sudden problems to deal with. Dousing my enthusiasm for today. ¡°I was listening and like, nodding along with her and everything, but I want you to know I don¡¯t like for real think that way or anything,¡± Clarissa hurried to clarify. ¡°I just thought like, that someone should hear it all so that they can let you know right away. I¡¯m not really friends with her, she was just like, going off.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay!¡± Tabitha gave her a pained smile. ¡°I can¡­ yeah, I can see why she¡¯d feel that way about me. And it¡­ it sucks, sure, but. She¡¯s entitled to her opinions, and they¡¯re not right or wrong or anything. I do hope I can patch things up with her¡ªwe used to be friends.¡± ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± Vanessa seemed to realize their conversation was even meatier than haranguing the lonesome boy at their table. ¡°Someone¡¯s talking shit about you?!¡± ¡°No, no, it¡¯s¡ª¡± Tabitha tried to say. ¡°She totally was,¡± Clarissa reported with a serious face. ¡°Ashlee. Like, Ashlee Taylor.¡± ¡°Taylor as in like, Erica Taylor?¡± Vanessa was quick to connect them. ¡°Sister? Older sister, younger sister?¡± ¡°I think younger,¡± Clarissa nodded. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Holy shit,¡± Vanessa turned for a moment to silently read Tabitha¡¯s expression. ¡°So¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a big deal!¡± Tabitha assured them. ¡°She just¡ª¡± ¡°Wait,¡± Stacy remarked. ¡°So¡­ you¡¯re like¡­ that Tabitha? The one from all of the stories?¡± ¡°Stories? The one from all of the myths, the legends,¡± Eric added in with manufactured reverence. ¡°Tabitha Tabby Moore. They say she¡ª¡± ¡°You are not going to repeat slander and hearsay right in fucking front of Tabitha herself,¡± Vanessa stamped down on that with a furious scowl. ¡°Seriously? Seriously?¡± ¡°I was just playing around,¡± Eric retorted, shrinking back. ¡°I mean¡ªc¡¯mon.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Stacy seemed to look at Tabitha with new eyes. ¡°Yeah,¡± Clarissa nodded with excitement. ¡°Erica Taylor tried to murder her. I was there. Tabitha almost died.¡± ¡°It¡ªit wasn¡¯t that bad, and Ashlee wasn¡¯t even involved in that, really,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Well, not technically. Reports of my death, were, ah, were greatly exaggerated! And, well, ¡®Tabby¡¯ is¡­ it¡¯s just a nickname, Eric, not a middle. My middle name is actually Anne.¡± ¡°Oh, cool,¡± Eric stared at her. ¡°You just¡­ you just remembered my name¡­¡± ¡°I think I have heard someone say it as Tabitha Tabby Moore, before,¡± Stacy said. ¡°Late last year, when all the buzz kept going around.¡± ¡°But, for real Ashlee has it out for you,¡± Clarissa warned. ¡°Ashlee with her messed up eye. I thought that, if you want, I can stick by her in the mornings. Pretend to be her friend, so that you know in advance beforehand all the things she¡¯s saying, and can like, get ahead of all of that.¡± ¡°Ooh, that¡¯s smart,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°I um, I appreciate the sentiment,¡± Tabitha said as what felt like a stomach ulcer crept into the pit of her tummy. ¡°But¡­ please, don¡¯t. I¡ªif I¡¯m going to be your friend, for real friend, I¡­ I just don¡¯t want you to do that.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t?¡± Clarissa blinked. ¡°Okay? Okay.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to ever feel like I¡¯m using you,¡± Tabitha made a point to clarify. ¡°I¡¯m sure you feel like maybe your past uh, friends, that they were using you, and when you found yourself in trouble and it wasn¡¯t convenient to be your friend anymore, they just weren¡¯t your friends anymore. I don¡¯t want that. And also¡ªI don¡¯t want anything like that for Ashlee. I don¡¯t want to play games, or be part of that, or have anyone resenting anyone if I can help it. ¡°I think¡­ that yeah, maybe Ashlee is lashing out, and maybe she¡¯s gonna lash out at me, but¡­ Ashlee really needs a friend, right now. If you can be real friends with her, then yeah, please do so. You totally have my blessing, even if that means both of you wind up¡­ disliking me, or whatever. That¡¯s okay. If not, if you can¡¯t really be her friend, then I don¡¯t want you to pretend, or uh, go along with whatever just to fish for information, or play games or anything like that. I wish I could still be friends with her, just. Things happened, and¡­ yeah.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Clarissa¡¯s brow furrowed in confusion as several different emotions clambered and tumbled across her features but she nodded along. ¡°Okay, yeah.¡± ¡°No, but like¡ªyou can¡¯t just let this Ashlee girl talk shit about you,¡± Vanessa disagreed with a scowl. ¡°I don¡¯t care who she is or what she needs. Doesn¡¯t give her the right to just¡­ piss all over everyone else, right?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Stacy nodded along, invested in the apparent drama. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°It¡¯s whatever,¡± Tabitha gave them a shrug. ¡°Last semester everyone was talking bad about me, too. I¡¯m used to it, or¡ªI¡¯m getting used to it. I can¡¯t force everyone to like me! No matter what, there¡¯s always gonna be¡­ yeah.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t be friends with both of you if you hate each other,¡± Clarissa said. ¡°I don¡¯t hate her,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I do wish her and I could be friends again. But, I think maybe she just needs to vent, or needs some time. Maybe we both need some time. To sort everything out before we can even really talk to each other properly again.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Stacy said. ¡°Nice,¡± Vanessa gave her a nod of approval. ¡°Yeah, smart¡ªacting this way, you¡¯ll always just make this Ashlee look like she¡¯s just being super petty all the time. Smart.¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ªno, I¡¯m being serious, here,¡± Tabitha winced again. ¡°For real.¡± ¡°Well, whatever,¡± Vanessa waved the issue away. ¡°Same difference. She can go choke and die, for all I care.¡± ¡°Table six,¡± Mr. Peterson loomed over them. ¡°Who¡¯s leading, here?¡± ¡°Vanessa is,¡± Tabitha volunteered her new friend with a gesture. ¡°Outstanding,¡± Mr. Peterson grunted. ¡°Table six leader, follow table five leader over there on in and grab drawing boards and sheets of paper for your group. Can¡¯t exactly draw right on these cruddy old tables, anymore.¡± He rapped an enormous knuckle on their tabletop, which was indeed terribly pitted and scarred into an uneven surface from years upon years of neglect. ¡°Yes, drill sergeant!¡± Vanessa gave him a mock salute as she dropped off of her bar stool and into a standing position. ¡°Staff sergeant,¡± Mr. Peterson corrected, swatting Vanessa¡¯s shoulder in the direction of the storage room as he moved on past them. ¡°Go on, six, get. Table seven, what¡¯s the holdup, here? I see a lot of arguin¡¯ back and forth, and not a lot of electin¡¯ a leader. Democracy, people. Democracy.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªhey!¡± A voice from across the room called over the indistinct noise of chatter that filled the art room. ¡°Tabitha!¡± When she turned to look, it was Michael way over at table three who was trying to get her attention, both of his hands raised up. The moment he saw her looking, he grinned and pointed with both hands in the direction of the far wall behind the teacher¡¯s desk. ¡°Hey, that¡¯s you, right?¡± Michael yelled. Above a large January calendar and a cork board with notices tacked up to it was an enormous blown up photograph that was all too familiar to her¡ªthe dingy colorless landscape of the road just beyond the Lower Park. A police cruiser with its lights on and door ajar, a crumpled figure laid out beside the weeds and gravel of the median. In the foreground, Tabitha saw herself running towards the officer, the frozen motion of her movement embellished across her fine blouse and the tangle of red hair trailing behind her. ¡°Holy shit, that¡¯s her?!¡± One of the students exclaimed.
¡°Shannon¡ªthere¡¯s no two ways about this,¡± Manager John shook his head in dismay. ¡°Your drawer is fourteen dollars short. Fourteen dollars and seven cents. That¡¯s¡ªhah, this is on your first shift, even. Definitely uh, definitely not a good start, here. I think we need to stop and think about what happened, and what went wrong, and, yeah¡ªI¡¯m gonna have to write you up and put it on your file.¡± They were in the back office area next to Food Lion¡¯s safe, and although the ones, fives, tens, and twenty dollar bills were stacked up in rows across the manager¡¯s desk and had been counted and recounted, somehow or other money was missing. The subtle strings of fear Mrs. Moore had been aware of all day in the background of every thought were now pulled so tight she couldn¡¯t even breathe. ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore managed to stammer out, blinking through her tears. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, I¡ªI don¡¯t even know what might have happened, or, or¡ª¡± ¡°I mean¡­ can you check your pockets?¡± Manager John seemed to trying not to sound patronizing, but it crept into his tone of voice anyhow. ¡°Maybe¡ªI don¡¯t know, maybe it¡¯s just like, out of habit, you meant to put it in the drawer, but you weren¡¯t thinking about it and just, I dunno, jammed one of the sales into your pocket. That¡¯s, uh, that¡¯s happened before. It happens.¡± ¡°No! No,¡± Mrs. Moore was frantic to turn out her pockets. ¡°No, nothing like¡ªI would never¡ª¡± ¡°What¡¯s the holdup?¡± Tracy¡¯s voice was gruff with impatience. ¡°New girl have a problem with her drawer?¡± ¡°Hahh, a problem?¡± Manager John laughed. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s fourteen dollars short. Hate to say it, but I¡¯m gonna have to write her up.¡± ¡°Oh, surprise, surprise,¡± Tracy chuckled. When Mrs. Moore dared to look in the woman¡¯s direction she saw that Tracy was waiting with her own drawer propped up on one hip, and likewise Cindy and another Food Lion woman behind her were holding their drawers¡ªit seemed as if the whole rest of the morning shift cashiers were held up from doing their final counts because of her. Everyone was peeking through the doorway into the back office, and it made Mrs. Moore wish she could just crawl into a hole in the ground and die. I don¡¯t know what went wrong! Shannon felt like she was having a mental breakdown from the stress of the situation. I didn¡¯t STEAL anything, I don¡¯t think I LOST anything, I-I just don¡¯t know what happened at all! Maybe one of the sales just didn¡¯t get punched into the computer correctly? I don¡¯t know! ¡°But, y¡¯know what,¡± Tracy continued on in her mirthful rasp. ¡°Betcha I know what happened, if it¡¯s ¡®round fourteen dollars¡­¡± ¡°Well, she says she¡¯s sure she didn¡¯t accidentally pocket any, and¡ª¡± Manager John blew out a breath of frustration and leaned over to open cabinet drawers in search of the forms he would have to fill out now. ¡°Probably didn¡¯t key in the coupons right,¡± Tracy finished with a smirk. ¡°Does she have coupons?¡± ¡°No, no, she doesn¡¯t have any with her drawer, so¡ª¡± Manager John glanced over the sheet he¡¯d been filling out and shook his head. ¡°Oh!¡± Mrs. Moore jolted upright in her seat. ¡°I, no, I do have coupons! I, I thought I was supposed to tuck them in beneath my drawer. T-to lift up the drawer, and put them in underneath. That¡¯s uh, that¡¯s what I saw her do yesterday, is it¡ªis it not what I was supposed to be doing?!¡± ¡°Well,¡± Manager John scowled. ¡°Where are they now? It¡ªyou know what, it doesn¡¯t even matter, because we¡¯ve already done the drawer count, and in any case the computer¡¯s gonna say your register didn¡¯t have any coupons put in.¡± ¡°Them coupons¡¯re probably still sittin¡¯ up there in the register,¡± Tracy chuckled. ¡°You¡¯ll have to go through ¡®em, match ¡®em up and fix each of the transactions. So the computer don¡¯t think there¡¯s s¡¯posed to be more money in there than there is.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so sorry,¡± Mrs. Moore tried to apologize again. ¡°No, it¡¯s¡ªwe don¡¯t have time to go through and do that,¡± Manager John denied. ¡°I¡¯m going to have to write her up. If she didn¡¯t key the coupons in correctly, then that¡¯s her fault, because she signed that she¡¯s responsible for the drawer.¡± ¡°Still can¡¯t write her up,¡± Tracy sounded downright smug. ¡°She don¡¯t have her mandatory trainin¡¯ hours in, so she can¡¯t even sign for her own drawer in the first place! Not by Food Lion¡¯s rules.¡± ¡°She was on register with you yesterday,¡± Manager John seemed to be growing genuinely angry, and Mrs. Moore shrank back into her seat and tried to hide herself from their notice. ¡°So¡ªyes, she went through her training hours. She¡ª¡± ¡°She weren¡¯t on the clock, so no, she didn¡¯t get any trainin,¡¯¡± Tracy countered. ¡°For her to be through her trainin¡¯ period, she has to be on the clock, gettin¡¯ paid.¡± ¡°Then, I can put it in that she has those hours yesterday, and she¡¯ll get pay for them, because she was there shadowing you yesterday,¡± Manager John tried to reason. ¡°I had her there with you, learning. That¡¯s the whole reason¡ª¡± ¡°Nope!¡± Tracy intended to be stubborn about it. ¡°I had her there and was givin¡¯ her some sorta basic overview, but it weren¡¯t nothin¡¯ like proper trainin¡¯ and she didn¡¯t learn nothin¡¯ bout keyin¡¯ in coupons from me ¡®cept seein¡¯ the clippings go in beneath the drawer.¡± ¡°I¡ªI can go get the um, the coupon clippings?¡± Mrs. Moore offered. ¡°If¡ªif they¡¯re, I¡¯m sure they¡¯re still there in the drawer, if that, if that helps¡­?¡± ¡°Well, Tracy, if that¡¯s the way you wanna play it, then I¡¯d have to write you up instead of her, ¡®cause she was supposed to be training with you, and you¡¯re saying you neglected to have her go through¡ª¡± ¡°Oh nuh-uh, I don¡¯t think so,¡± Tracy chortled. ¡°You go an¡¯ introduce me to a new girl, yeah okay, but when I asked her, she said she wasn¡¯t on the clock, so she got no ¡®official¡¯ trainin¡¯ from me! And, you can¡¯t be puttin¡¯ her out there in her own checkout yet, or cookin¡¯ the books after the fact to make it seem like she was on the clock, when she wasn¡¯t! I been sayin¡¯ and sayin¡¯ and sayin¡¯ it¡ªyou can¡¯t do that.¡± ¡°That¡¯s all I can do, Tracy¡ª¡± Manager John held up his hands in a helpless expression. ¡°I mean look, listen, if you¡ª¡± ¡°You go through with them coupons and fix the transactions one by one¡ªor you write yourself up for fourteen dollars or whatever the hell it was, ¡®cause you were responsible for this shift, kiddo¡ªthat¡¯s why you make the big manager bucks, here. But me, I been working here sixteen years, and if Mister Kay asks me what¡¯s goin¡¯ on with this, he¡¯s gonna hear what I have to say about it.¡± ¡°We¡¯re¡ªlook, now we already have her going over her time,¡± Manager John scoffed, waving towards the clock on the office wall. ¡°Listen¡ªhey, Cindy! Help make sure the new girl gets clocked out, and then we¡¯ll see if Bob has time during his shift to sort out this mess with the coupons on his drawers, maybe. If you think I have time to¡ª¡± ¡°Oh nuh-uh, there¡¯s no way you¡¯re¡ª¡± ¡°Well, what do you want me to do? I¡¯m running late already, morning shift all needs signed off and deposited so that¡ª¡± ¡°Shannon! Here, come on,¡± Cindy squeezed past the angry Tracy continuing her tirade to motion her over. ¡°C¡¯mon girl, lemme get you all clocked out and outta here.¡± With a jolt of relief, Mrs. Moore abandoned her chair and hurried to escape the room, tears streaming down her face and still wringing her hands in sheer terror. She wanted out of here, and if anyone were to ask her at this moment, she was sure she would tell them she simply wasn¡¯t cut out to work this job, here. Still cradling her own drawer against herself, Cindy patted her on the back and helped her over in the direction of the timeclock computer so she could punch out¡ªthe moment the sniffling Shannon managed to maneuver the mouse over to her name and click CONFIRM to end her shift, she let a sob slip out. ¡°Hey, hey, it¡¯s okay¡ªyou¡¯re okay,¡± Cindy assured her in a whisper. ¡°Just¡ªyeah, just Manager John tryin¡¯ to throw you under the bus. Typical! If, when you come in tomorrow, if he tries to get you to sign anything sayin¡¯ you¡¯re at fault for somethin¡¯, you ask for one of us to come give it a look, okay? You¡¯re¡­ are you still thinkin¡¯ ¡®bout comin¡¯ in, tomorrow?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Shannon tried to smear her wet face on her sleeve and let out a laugh. ¡°I-I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Well, hey, if you do¡ªwe¡¯ve got your back, okay?¡± Cindy patted her shoulder again for emphasis. ¡°Tracy seems like she likes you. I like you! I do hope you¡¯ll stay with us. Just¡ªyeah, don¡¯t trust Manager John far as anyone can throw him, he¡¯s just sittin¡¯ in that office all day playin¡¯ around with the timesheets to keep labor cost under some stupid line so he can get his big fat bonus from Mister Kay. He don¡¯t care ¡®bout none of us actually gettin¡¯ all the work done around here.¡± With a growing sense of dread, Mrs. Moore realized that she would return for her shift tomorrow. As her watery eyes filled with clarity, she knew she would be here. Not because of the money even, but because she had to. Because¡ªif she didn¡¯t show up, she¡¯d never be able to look Cindy or Tracy or any of these people who were actually nice and friendly with her in the eye ever again. Tracy especially, Tracy who she¡¯d thought was just a miserable old grump, even stuck her neck out on her behalf! It¡¯s such an awful mess, here! Mrs. Moore thought to herself as she started to undo her apron. I really do hate it. But¡ªalso the actual work isn¡¯t as bad as I thought, once you get into the swing of it, and, and¡ªthere¡¯s REALLY good people, here. People that cared, or, or stood up for me, or¡ªI don¡¯t know, but that, that MEANS SOMETHING. ¡°I¡¯ll be here,¡± Shannon promised with a weak smile. ¡°Same time tomorrow, I guess? I¡¯ll¡­ be here.¡±
The bus ride home was much more rowdy than the trip to school had been, but Tabitha had apparently already earned her in¡ªafter picking a vinyl bus seat for herself, Jacob and then Gary came and chose seats across from her. ¡°¡®Sup, Tabby,¡± Gary said, tossing her his basketball. To her credit she managed to catch it¡ªbarely¡ªgrabbing at it with one hand and managing to trap it against the front of her camouflage hunting jacket. It seemed like Gary was about to laugh at her near fumble, but she smirked at him and cradled the ball in her lap for a moment, rapping her knuckle against her opposite sleeve to reveal a knocking sound. ¡°...Sup.¡± ¡°Ah, shit¡ªI forgot your arm¡¯s broke,¡± Gary looked genuinely apologetic. ¡°My bad, my bad. Here.¡± ¡°Smooth,¡± Jacob scowled at him, spreading his hands for her to throw the ball his way. ¡°Hey girl, here!¡± ¡°Tabby,¡± Tabitha corrected him. ¡°Tabby, right,¡± Jacob said, flicking his fingers with impatience. ¡°C¡¯mon.¡± With a scooping motion, Tabitha got one palm beneath the ball and then managed to lob it in an underhand throw that should have gone right to him. Instead, Gary intercepted in a smooth motion, swiping the basketball out of the air and stealing it back just as it was passing over the aisle. Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but be impressed, but when the pair of teen boys saw her big smile, they both looked away and had that caught in the act body language going on, as if a teacher was about to reprimand them. Oh, wow. RIGHT. Teen boys, and a halfway cute girl smiling at them¡ªthat¡¯s gonna be SUPER EFFECTIVE and do CRITICAL DAMAGE. Gotta watch where I point this thing. With conscious effort, she schooled her expression down a grade to a look of mild bemusement, and aside from a subtle second glance Jacob sent her way, they were past that awkward hiccup. Small talk while other kids were still boarding the bus progressed as far as new classes suck and you have homework? Yeah me too, it sucks. By the time the bus engine rumbled to life and they were underway, Gary twisted in his seat to deliver an elaborate retelling of the basketball match he¡¯d played during lunch today to Jacob. Although since Jacob had apparently also been there playing in that same game and was offering corrections and commentary, Tabitha suspected the story was more intended for her to overhear. She kept her small smile up, but was too distracted in her own thoughts to really follow the court slang of what they were talking about. Because¡ªshe¡¯d done it. Tabitha had experienced her first day as a semi-popular girl, rather than an obese nobody or even an isolated thin social pariah. Unlike her attempt at the very start of the school year, this time it felt like things were working. She was getting to know people, maybe making friends, and perhaps most importantly, she was taking the initiative to talk to people herself. It¡¯s still a little terrifying sometimes, sure, Tabitha thought as she watched Jacob and Gary heckle each other with a wry smile. But¡ªit¡¯s not THAT bad. This was a success, a big success! Feels like a huge step forward for my whole life. It was stressful and SUPER taxing at first, but it¡¯s like I invested a fair bit of thought and a whole lot of courage, and then the returns are all just¡­ confidence? Feeling this confident among her peers was honestly intoxicating. All of the sudden SO MUCH of all of this nonsense makes so much more sense, Tabitha thought. If THIS is what popular girls are feeling, no wonder it gets them creating madhouse hierarchies and battlefields of drama and all of the absurd vain focus on image I used to pretend I could scoff at. It¡¯s all in pursuit of this CONFIDENCE HIGH, these teenage SUCCESS ENDORPHINS. The ones that surge through like adrenaline saying YES YES YES, the ones that make you feel validated. Powerful. If she could be popular, but without it going to her head and making her petty or cruel or a bully, Tabitha decided that it would be just about the best thing ever. Elena and Alicia were great friends and could maybe help keep her ego in check if it ever started to grow out beyond her kindness and compassion. She would be popular but not mean to anyone, she would be cute, but not play with boys¡¯ hearts! Except maybe like, I could PROBABLY tease Bobby some, and that¡¯d be okay, Tabitha told herself. Because¡­ he maybe wouldn¡¯t take it all THAT seriously anyways!
Like a true latchkey kid, Tabitha produced her own key upon arriving at the Macintire home and let herself in. Though the neighborhood here was just as nice as the Williams, Sandra wasn¡¯t so comfortable that she would allow the doors unlocked here, and it was a sentiment Tabitha agreed with in full. Better safe than sorry! The borrowed hunting jacket with its orange highlights was removed and, and when the left sleeve turned inside-out attempting to follow her cast, Tabitha held the collar in her teeth and managed to find the errant cuff and turn it rightside-in again with her good hand before hanging the coat on the hooks in the entryway. It was warm enough that her hoodie soon followed, and she struggled her way out of it in an exhausted¡ªbut contented daze as she walked the rest of the way inside and cast a vacant look across the empty living room. The elementary school day here was a half hour shorter than the Springton High¡¯s school day, but the elementary also started an hour later, so there was still plenty of time before Tabitha would walk back out to the bus stop to pick up Hannah. Mrs. Macintire would be at work for another few hours, and since she couldn¡¯t hear the TV playing over in the master bedroom it meant that Officer Macintire was likely taking a nap. It had been a great day, but presenting herself as an extrovert for that long was also just plain tiring, and it was an enormous relief for Tabitha to drop her bookbag and then simply fall face-first across the length of the couch. Here with the Macintires it was actually a home, it was a bastion of comfort that could wick away her stress and help her decompress in a way that her actual family¡¯s battered old mobile home never could. After all, Tabitha hummed to herself, groping across the couch for a spare cushion to hug against herself. They have the HEAT on here. They just¡ªKEEP it on, practically at full blast. All winter! I¡¯m getting so spoiled, here. Reminding herself that she didn¡¯t have a bracelet-PC or a smartphone, Tabitha made herself as comfortable as she could, and instead kept an eye on the digital clock readout on the VCR. She¡¯d met so many new people today that it was difficult to sort out all of their names! But, mentally sorting through them all now would be for the best, because for once in her life it was the good kind of overwhelming. Vanessa. Gary. Marisa. Uhhh¡­ Jacob. Stacy. Eric. Coach Baylor, and Mr. Peterson¡ªI want to get to know them both better, Tabitha decided. For Cheerleading and art club. I¡­ don¡¯t remember the names of those other two girls from personal fitness who were talking with us. The one had glasses, the other was a bit more stocky. And then¡­ there was that older girl Alicia tried to introduce me to? I¡¯m totally blanking on her name. It was¡­ Jenny? Jessie? Maybe¡­ um. Nope, I lost it. Jay-something, I think? Or maybe¡ª ¡°Tabitha?¡± A male voice almost startled her off of the couch and onto the carpet. ¡°Oh! Sorry,¡± Tabitha blushed as she flailed. ¡°I¡ªuhh¡ªI kept my shoes off the sofa! They were hanging off. I¡¯m, um, I¡¯m just getting off my feet for a bit, before I head back out for Hannah.¡± ¡°Hey, it¡¯s cool, it¡¯s cool,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled, holding up his hands. ¡°Just wanted to check on ya.¡± He was wearing just pajama pants and an undershirt, and although he was either a lot older than her or a lot younger or both, the man had a pretty nice physique¡­ and Tabitha had to admit to herself that he looked pretty good. Or, at least he did when he had a shirt on¡ªwhenever he was bare chested, Tabitha found herself focusing in on the bandages and remembering the bullet wound and unable to think of much else. It was strange being around a guy, living in the same house as one. In the past week he was up and about more and more frequently, and Tabitha had no idea how to treat him. Darren Macintire was like some sitcom fantasy father figure, and she had a lot of trouble reconciling that with her own ideas of what a dad was to her personally. For one, he was attractive, but despite Sandra¡¯s smug looks and personal assumptions, Tabitha had never fantasized about him or anything like that. I¡¯m more just¡ªjumpy around him, or intimidated? Tabitha thought to herself with a sheepish smile as she sat up straight and tried to straighten out what felt like her slovenly appearance. I DO NOT know how to act around a ¡®proper¡¯ father figure. At all. ¡°Heard you come in,¡± Officer Macintire remarked, opening up the fridge and taking a long, idle look at the contents without seeming to decide on anything before letting the door swing closed again. ¡°Was worried that¡ªI dunno. Kids that age are mean, guess I was jumpin¡¯ at shadows and thinking you mighta had a bad first day back or something. But, you seem okay?¡± ¡°Oh! Yes,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°Thank you, but¡ªyes, today was fine. It was better, much better.¡± ¡°Good! Good,¡± The man nodded, giving her a thoughtful look. ¡°Well, hey. Don¡¯t want to impose, or nothin¡¯, but if it¡¯s cool, I¡¯ll walk down to the stop with you? Been cooped up for too long without any exercise and I¡¯m startin¡¯ to go a bit stir-crazy, here.¡± ¡°Of course!¡± Tabitha agreed. ¡°And¡ªyeah, I understand what you mean. Soon as I can get this cast off, I¡¯m getting right into jogging again, and I want to try out for cheer, and¡ªand be active again.¡± ¡°Ooph, yeah, I¡¯m used to keeping up with PT,¡± the Officer shook his head in dismay. ¡°Didn¡¯t ever want to be the cop people¡¯re makin¡¯ donut jokes about all the time, you know?¡± ¡°I-I think Sandra would make those jokes just regardless,¡± Tabitha said with a wincing smile. ¡°Hah, yeah¡ªwell, even worse, comin¡¯ from her,¡± Officer Macintre laughed. ¡°My uh, home stay here is no reason to let myself start gettin¡¯ love handles. And then, having you in here cooking full meals every day sure hasn¡¯t helped!¡± ¡°I cook healthy meals!¡± Tabitha protested with a smile. ¡°More or less. Those cookies¡­ well, they just sort of happened!¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± He chuckled in response. ¡°Holiday season, and all that.¡± Damnit, Hannah! Tabitha felt her face heat up. Your dad has your eyes! He¡¯s supposed to be a DAD, he¡¯s not supposed to be A CUTE GUY! I absolutely, positively REFUSE to let Mrs. Macintire be right about me crushing on him, ever. I refuse! Because, I¡¯m not. That¡¯s just too¡ªweird! So, that¡¯s not happening, period. I¡¯m FOURTEEN, and he¡¯s¡­ I don¡¯t know, THIRTY-SOMETHING. I should¡­ I should get Bobby¡¯s phone number, or something¡ªit¡¯s SAFE for me to crush on Bobby, because we¡¯re both young enough that obviously none of that will go anywhere, Tabitha decided, oblivious to the torment and suffering that mindset might inflict upon boys in the near future. And, there¡¯s that WILLOW tape! We can maybe watch it together this weekend. Definitely. It¡¯s a plan. 56, The vagaries of adolescence. After bundling back up to brave the winter weather, Tabitha joined Officer Macintire for a walk back down the street to the bus stop. What should have been a casual and thoughtless endeavors was instead made excruciating by Tabitha¡¯s overactive imagination and self-consciousness. She knew by now, at least somewhat, how to act around her peers¡ªother teenages her age. It was rough realizing she had no clue how to act around adults. No! Not how to act around adults, Tabitha corrected herself. I¡¯m cool with Mrs. Macintire. I¡¯m fine around Mrs. Williams and her husband! It¡¯s just¡­ context, I guess. I¡¯m slowly but surely coming to grips with treating Mrs. Macintire as a mom, and that WORKS because she¡¯s a great mom. She¡¯s great! But, is this dude trying to be a father figure to me? Is that how this works?! Is he a good dad? Probably! I guess. I don¡¯t know. Dwelling on the meaning of fatherhood was a real weird thing to ruminate on as they walked down the sidewalk together, Tabitha leading by a few feet but taking care not to get too far ahead. Officer Macintire was pacing himself and taking it slow and steady. How did he compare to her actual father, Mr. Moore? They DON¡¯T compare, Tabitha wanted to be huffy about it, but instead a wave of melancholy fell over her. No, that¡¯s probably not fair. I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t know! Officer Macintire has more of a sense of humor. He¡¯s a bit more¡­ I don¡¯t know how to put it. Shameless? Like, he can THROW MONEY at toys for Hannah, and then laugh about how much he¡¯s spoiling her. My dad¡­ fundamentally is just not capable of that. I guess Officer Macintire is a bit of a braggart? But, in a chuckle about it sort of way? That definitely stands out¡ªI feel like my dad isn¡¯t a boastful person. In fact, I guess dad always sort of went out of his way to be humble? He¡¯s always about that ascetic SIMPLE life. Which¡­ I guess I grew up resenting him for. Officer Macintire had cop buddies he socialized with regularly, he went hunting, he loved cheesy action movies. He had interests and hobbies¡ªTabitha had felt perplexed on several occasions over dinner hearing the man go on about some vintage car he¡¯d seen listed in Auto Trader. Was that normal?! The differences between him and her dad seemed jarring, and made Tabitha start to think she had no idea who her dad really was. Does my dad have hobbies? Besides uhh, just watching TV, I guess? Tabitha pondered with a frown. What does he do for fun? I have no clue. What are his interests¡ªuhh, no idea. Goals? Nada, as far as I know. Friends or acquaintances? Not that I know of, really. He¡¯s just¡­ THERE. Existing in some sort of vacuum, removed from general social mores. So¡ªwhat¡¯s the deal with him? Is he just an agreeable simpleton who never wanted or expected much out of life? Well, agreeable right up until you question FAMILY, I guess. Does questioning family break the illusion for him, is that what¡¯s going on? Has he just invested a ton of himself into this idea that he¡¯s a simple FAMILY MAN, like that idea has become his identity? But, like¡ªWHY? If he¡¯s supposedly so into¡ª ¡°Penny for your thoughts?¡± Darren Macintire laughed under his breath, making the motion to grope through his pockets for change. ¡°Ah, shoot. I thought I had some on me¡ªHannah always makes me pay up when I say that.¡± ¡°Hah, um¡ª¡± Tabitha blushed at realizing her mind had wandered off into her own little world of thoughts. ¡°I¡¯m just sayin¡¯, that¡¯s a mighty big frown, for someone tryin¡¯ to tell me she had an okay first day at school,¡± He said, sizing her up with a small smile. ¡°Something happen? Did somebody say something? Or, hell, I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s,¡± Tabitha let out a laugh that hung in the air as vapor for a moment. ¡°It¡¯s stupid. I got to thinking about¡ªfamily, I guess. Trying to figure out what¡¯s ¡®normal,¡¯ what¡¯s¡ªI don¡¯t know. Different.¡± ¡°Ah, yeah,¡± Officer Macintire nodded to himself. ¡°Definitely somethin¡¯ you start thinkin¡¯ ¡®bout more and more when life takes you to some unexpected places.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha agreed. They arrived together at the street corner where the bus stopped, and then awkwardly stood to wait. She was used to waiting here by herself to pick up Hannah, and when she was alone here she didn¡¯t have to worry if she was standing weird, or think about what to do with her hands, or force out small talk. ¡°Well, I sure know how that is,¡± Darren shrugged. ¡°I¡¯d never been shot before! For a hot minute there, life felt like it was comin¡¯ at me pretty fast. Or, maybe ¡®life¡¯ isn¡¯t the word for it, hah! Then, it¡¯s weeks and weeks and weeks of bein¡¯ stuck in hospital beds, wondering how the hell life took me there. Getting impatient, starting to try to look back and second-guess every little detail. The more I tried to go back and focus on all those exact little details, the less it felt like I was even remembering any of it right.¡± ¡°Oh! Yes¡ªI know exactly what you mean!¡± Tabitha felt herself grin. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªyeah.¡± ¡°Little details do come back to me,¡± the man wore a rueful smile. ¡°Or like, certain things stand out. Like¡ªthe guy was barefoot! I remember that. He looked like he hadn¡¯t showered in a while, guy was all haggard.¡± ¡°He was barefoot, wasn¡¯t he?¡± Tabitha remembered. ¡°I think I did notice that¡ªI saw him running back to his car. After¡ªuhh. Yeah. Who drives without shoes? That¡¯s weird.¡± ¡°I kept tellin¡¯ everyone at the station I had some kinda sixth sense about the guy, like I knew he was trouble right off the bat,¡± Darren recounted. ¡°But, that¡¯s a buncha bull, hah. Us cops, we do got a sixth sense, but it¡¯s like¡ªlike we¡¯re, I dunno, lookin¡¯ for easy marks. Someone I can pull over today, so there¡¯s somethin¡¯ to report. So that it¡¯s not like I¡¯ve gotta tell my boss that nope, I was just sittin¡¯ in the cruiser relaxin¡¯ all day.¡± Tabitha wore a bemused smile at hearing that, but let him continue without comment. ¡°It was just a routine stop,¡± Officer Macintire shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t even really remember what in particular made me want to pull him over. Usually it¡¯s like, shitty driving, you know? Good excuse to hassle someone, there¡¯s all kinds of bad drivers out there. Trying to make some weird abrupt turn without signaling, seein¡¯ people speed up just to keep other people from changing lanes where they want to. Tailgating¡ªeveryone around here drives a bit over the speed limit, but when you¡¯re doin¡¯ it while tryin¡¯ to give sloppy kisses to the bumper of the guy in front of you? No way, jose. Not on my watch. ¡°But, thing is,¡± Officer Macintire swallowed. ¡°I just completely don¡¯t remember what I even stopped the guy for. I remember he was pissed, he like, I think he was one of those that you know, smacked his wheel and musta cussed somethin¡¯ awful right when he saw me flash my lights at him. You do get that. I don¡¯t really recall actually pulling him over or much of talkin¡¯ to the guy¡ªall of that¡¯s super routine, done it all a thousand times. I remember he was barefoot. Don¡¯t remember seein¡¯ you or that other girl playing over by the trailer park, I guess I didn¡¯t really register you two at all. ¡°I think I remember him pulling a gun on me,¡± Officer Macintire admitted. ¡°But, after the fact it¡¯s all kind of hazy. Been over and over it with the counselor and everyone, trying to get the statement right, and everything. I feel like it¡¯s gotten to where I can¡¯t tell if I¡¯m remembering the moment, or if I¡¯m imagining it anymore. Did I freeze up? I don¡¯t know for sure. I feel like I must have¡ªand that scares the shit out of me. Was there just no time to react? I¡¯m not sure anymore. It¡¯s like, it all just happened so fast, and everything was over before my brain was really catchin¡¯ up to what was goin¡¯ on.¡± ¡°I-I know what you mean,¡± Tabitha stammered. ¡°Just, um, just myself with what happened at that Halloween party¡ªit all happened so fast. She was just suddenly swinging at me. I, um, I remember I had my arms up in front of my face, and the bat hit my cast, and I was just thinking how stupid I was to put my injured hand up in front of me. But, that¡¯s just it. I wasn¡¯t thinking, it was just reflex. There wasn¡¯t any time to think. At all.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Officer Macintire blew out a long breath, watching it fog in the air and then disperse. ¡°Shit. Yeah.¡± Are we¡ªare we BONDING?! Tabitha felt like all of the blood in her body was rushing towards her face. Just like that? Bonding over shared, uh, or I guess SIMILAR experiences? That was so easy and normal! Why was I overthinking everything? He, well, he just sensed there was a weird atmosphere between us, so he started talking, and then it wasn¡¯t weird anymore. It had perhaps been a long day with too many social interactions. I¡¯m¡ªyeah. UGGHH, Tabitha smiled to herself and made a point to study the street in the distance as if in search of Hannah¡¯s bus. It¡¯s embarrassing how bad I am at this. I was doing so well today with everyone at school. Didn¡¯t have any real HOW DO YOU DO, FELLOW TEENS moments. But then, Daddy McDadfather here gets all paternal on me, and I¡¯m just thrown through this total loop. Do I have daddy issues? I guess I knew I did, and then all that¡¯s been exacerbated by dad being so stupid about the whole LISA thing. Normally he was never even really like that, I always thought of him as pretty non-confrontational. When¡ªoh! It¡¯s the bus. Thank God it¡¯s here, I started THINKING again. The diesel rumble of the yellow schoolbus approaching down the suburban street was a sight for sore eyes, and Tabitha hopped up to the edge of the curve as if lining up to board. There were colorful children¡¯s jackets and little faces visible through the row of windows, and the elementary kids were loud. The indistinct chatter of dozens of kids was at enough volume to compete with the sound of the bus engine when it pulled close, and Tabitha wondered if the driver had to yell at this group to keep it down. People talked on the high school bus, but we weren¡¯t like, LOUD, Tabitha thought to herself. Never really noticed it before today. I guess us older kids are just more chill? The door opened with a rattle and a squeak, and after a few moments several kids trooped down the stairs and off the bus. Hannah was adorable in her little blue coat and her backpack, and today Tabitha had no restraint. She immediately crouched down and opened her arms wide for a hug. The seven-year-old obliged, running forward and almost bowling her over. ¡°Daddy!¡± Hannah was surprised to see him out here to pick her up. ¡°Are you allowed outside the house?!¡± ¡°O¡¯course I am, Tabitha gave me permission,¡± Officer Macintire teased. ¡°Hey, you got a hug for me?! Why¡¯s Tabby gettin¡¯ all the love?!¡± ¡°Yeah I guess,¡± Hannah released Tabitha and then ran face first into hugging her father¡¯s legs. Oof, Tabitha winced, trying not to laugh. Does she think she can do that just because she¡¯s wearing a padded jacket?! Tabitha tried to remember the last time she¡¯d given her father a hug, but her mind came up blank. Had she rushed over to greet her dad right off the bus, ever? She wasn¡¯t sure. Those younger childhood memories were too far away now, and like Officer Macintire had said¡ªshe couldn¡¯t tell anymore what was memory and what was just her imagination. ¡°Can you pick me up?¡± Hannah slapped at the man¡¯s legs. ¡°Ooh, you know¡ªI don¡¯t think I can now, on account o¡¯ all my grievous injuries I¡¯m just now startin¡¯ to recover from,¡± the man tousled her hair instead. ¡°Let¡¯s maybe give it five or six years. Plus, you know¡ªyou¡¯re not little, anymore. You weigh what, some six hundred pounds?¡± ¡°Yep! Six hundred pounds, exactly,¡± Hannah agreed, squirming out of her backpack straps with difficulty and then shoving her bookbag in his arms before rejoining Tabitha. ¡°You had school?¡± ¡°I did! My first day back,¡± Tabitha wore a wry smile at how the girl had zero compunctions foisting off her pack on her father like that. ¡°It was good. Everyone was nice, I maybe made new friends.¡± ¡°Good!¡± Hannah nodded in approval. ¡°I told you everything would be fine. I told you. But actually? I was really really worried everyone was gonna be super mean.¡± ¡°Hannah Banana,¡± Tabitha hugged the little girl again and then rose to her feet. ¡°Has anyone ever told you that you have zero filter?¡±
A frazzled and somewhat heavyset red-haired woman trudged up the porch steps to her trailer park trailer and fumbled in confusion with the doorknob of a locked door. Mrs. Moore wasn¡¯t used to their mobile home being locked¡ªshe had almost always been home, and so locking up everything was rarely necessary. The key she¡¯d prepared this morning was rediscovered in her coat pocket, she went through the unpracticed motions of unlocking her own front door, and then finally opened it and bustled inside. Their home was empty and felt cold and unfamiliar. As if attempting to ward off ill omens or bad luck, she hurried to turn on all of the lights, and their television set was flicked on with an angry press of the remote to create some noise. She hurried down the hallway to the master bedroom as if being chased, and with frantic motions her coat and work apron and then dress shirt were discarded and one of her normal dingy oversized shirts was pulled on. Since starting to exercise and eat better she had lost eighteen pounds, but weight loss plateaued now that her pregnancy was starting its second trimester. As a result her body felt altogether like a stranger to her, nothing she wore was as she was accustomed to, and it only magnified the eerie wrongness she just couldn¡¯t shake. When she returned down the hallway and checked the fridge out of habit, Shannon looked at the unappetizing contents for several long seconds with a mixture of hunger and nausea before closing the door again. She reopened the door¡ªand stared again at tupperware containers and the assortment of wrapped dishes. Reaching in and rummaging them around didn¡¯t reveal anything she particularly wanted to eat, and with a growing sense of disappointment and unease she slowly closed the door again and retreated to the safety and comfort of the sofa. She wanted to see Tabitha, but even the presence of her husband would do right now. Someone, anyone. Sudden and alarming loneliness struck like a soundless bolt of lightning. Experiencing her first day at work had been agonizing, the hours on the clock had felt like entire days, she longed for somebody to vent to about it, while also at the same time she didn¡¯t want to talk or think about it at all. Ever. There was simply a need to mentally and emotionally decompress after the incredibly stressful work shift, but she found herself still too wound up about it all to actually relax back into her old stay-at-home routine. Commercials played without her seeing them, and with the remote clutched in a white-knuckled grip, the channel changed from Cuba Gooding Junior enthusiastically endorsing Pepsi One to an aircraft cabin of skydivers onward to the proceedings of reality courtroom show Judge Judy. Frustrated, she thumbed the button again to reveal a computer animated Pillsbury doughboy tottering in front of a bag of bread on a kitchen counter, and with a scowl Shannon switched stations again and again and again, watching smiling people and products pass by one after another in a faded haze until she finally settled on one of the daytime soaps she recognized. But, she couldn¡¯t focus her attention on the rudimentary plot of Guiding Light today at all. Nor was she really even recalling the events of her shift at Food Lion. She just felt muddle-headed and anxious. Her feet ached from standing all day, so she didn¡¯t try to get up and reach their handset phone. Who would I even talk to? Mrs. Moore let out a bitter laugh. What would I even say? Who would CARE? Working as a grocery cashier was an everyday ordinary easy job, wouldn¡¯t Laurie sigh with exasperation if she tried to call her up and complain? If she bothered Alan at work, what would he have to say about anything she¡¯d just gone through? He had been working full time as a general contractor for years, for over a decade. How could he treat her seriously if she tried to talk to him about her time at some cushy indoor minimum wage job? They had argued about it enough already, and she knew what he would say¡ªhe would tell her to just quit if she didn¡¯t like it. But, I can¡¯t, Shannon Moore felt wet lines roll down her face as she quietly cried. I can¡¯t, I can¡¯t. I CAN¡¯T give up. Not with just this. Not like this. ¡°Ungphhh¡ª¡± She chuffed out a sob as she smeared the back of her hand against her face. Twisting from where she sat on the couch cushions, Mrs. Moore stared through her tears at the handset dock for the phone, because she wanted more than anything just to call the Macintires, to simply hear her daughter¡¯s voice. But she couldn¡¯t¡ªshe didn¡¯t dare to call her. Tabitha went back to school today, she surely had her own worries and troubles to deal with in spades. What would Tabitha think of her, if she couldn¡¯t even manage to handle this?
¡°Well, how was it?!¡± Mrs. Macintire asked, tossing her purse aside on the kitchen table in her haste to check on Tabitha and Hannah. ¡°How was going back to school?!¡± ¡°It was fine! Everything was fine,¡± Tabitha reported with a wry smile from the living room sofa. ¡°No complaints.¡± ¡°Did you have Elena in any of your classes?¡± Mrs. Macintire interrogated. ¡°Or Alicia? Any of your friends? Was anyone mean to you? Did anyone say anything?!¡± ¡°I um,¡± Tabitha chuckled, leaning back from where she¡¯d been watching Hannah¡¯s Gameboy Color screen. ¡°I got to see them before classes started, and then again at lunch? Oh¡ªBobby is in my first period one, uh. Personal Fitness. I maybe made some new friends? A few girls. They were nice-ish?¡± ¡°Thank God,¡± Sandra dropped heavily onto the couch beside them and started wrestling off her shoes. ¡°I was so worried. All day I was thinking about you!¡± ¡°I was, too!¡± Hannah chirped, not looking up from her Pokemon battle. ¡°You were not, you brat,¡± Mrs. Macintire griped, trying to reach over to muss her daughter¡¯s hair. ¡°I was so!¡± Hannah argued with a laugh, dodging back to press herself against Tabitha. ¡°I didn¡¯t even want her to go back to school. She coulda just stayed at home! I wouldn¡¯t go to school, if I didn¡¯t have to.¡± ¡°Going back to school is something I needed to do,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Needed to¡ªwell¡ªget back on the horse. So that I don¡¯t worry about what I¡¯m missing out on. All the school things. Getting to know people, socializing. Learning facts and stuff.¡± ¡°Facts and stuff,¡± Hannah repeated with a giggle. ¡°Too true, too true,¡± Mrs. Macintire agreed. ¡°Hard to flirt with boys when she¡¯s stuck here by herself all day.¡± ¡°Tabitha doesn¡¯t flirt with boys,¡± Hannah huffed. ¡°No way.¡± ¡°Ewww, BOYS,¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°Gross, right?¡± ¡°Gross,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°Super gross.¡± ¡°Stuck here by herself, whaddya mean stuck here by herself?!¡± Officer Macintire groused, his voice carrying all the way over from the bedroom. ¡°What am I, chopped liver?!¡± ¡°I kindly asked Tabitha not to flirt with you, honey,¡± Sandra yelled back, rolling her eyes before lowering her voice to confide with the girls upon the couch. ¡°Because man oh man, trust me you do not even want to get him started.¡± ¡°I heard that!¡± Her husband protested. ¡°He wore a shirt today, at least,¡± Tabitha gave the woman a wincing smile. ¡°All by himself?!¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s eyebrows rose in mock surprise. ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°He walked out to the bus stop today.¡± ¡°All by himself?¡± Mrs. Macintire¡¯s facade dropped that time and she was speaking with genuine concern. ¡°I¡¯m not crippled!¡± The voice from across the house was full of indignation. ¡°No, no¡ªI walked with him, we both went out to pick up Hannah,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°We were both bundled up! He took it slow. Everything was fine.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mrs. Macintire hummed. ¡°Hmmmmm.¡± ¡°Hmmmm,¡± Hannah imitated. ¡°Does this mean um, that he¡¯s basically all better, now?¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed but wore a contented smile. ¡°We¡¯ll see, kiddo. We¡¯ll see.¡± ¡°Because¡­¡± Hannah put on a mighty pout, ¡°He wouldn¡¯t even pick me up and carry me!¡± ¡°Oh my goodness,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head. ¡°He wouldn¡¯t even carry you?!¡± ¡°He wouldn¡¯t,¡± Hannah said. ¡°He just made excuses.¡± ¡°How about, once the doctor says I¡¯m cleared for physical activity again, I can carry you?¡± Tabitha proposed. ¡°I¡¯ll be able to give you piggyback rides. Or, I could even show up at the bus stop with your new bike! That way, you could just ride it home.¡± ¡°Oh, please,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°God forbid my little girl would have to walk fifty or sixty feet down the street, on her own two legs.¡± ¡°How much longer for your doctor¡¯s appointament?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Appointment, and, just a few more days,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Then, hopefully the cast comes off and I can start running in the mornings again. I haven¡¯t played tag with my cousins for months and months, already! Or exercised much at all. I¡¯m getting all fat and flabby just sitting around with nothing to do.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not fat,¡± Hannah snorted. ¡°And¡ªyou¡¯ve gotta play with me, not your cousins. They¡¯re boys.¡± ¡°They¡¯re my boys,¡± Tabitha chided her. ¡°I missed them. Oh! And, I did want to visit in on them and see how their Pokemon are coming along. And maybe borrow one of their beach towels.¡± ¡°Beach towels?¡± Mrs. Macintire asked. ¡°Yeah¡ªwe need to bring in individual towels at school, for the locker room,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I know my cousins each got their own different Ninja Turtles towels, that they never ever wound up even using. I think they all just got chucked in storage somewhere.¡± ¡°I have a cool towel you can use!¡± Hannah volunteered. ¡°It¡¯s Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. Way better than stupid Ninja Turtles. Mom, where did you put my¡ª¡± ¡°Hey hey hey, we can buy Tabitha her own brand new beach towel, how about that?¡± Sandra¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°We can go shopping!¡± ¡°Noooo, no no no, no we can¡¯t!¡± Tabitha covered her face in embarrassment. ¡°We were just shopping again yesterday! Hannah don¡¯t give her any more excuses to go shopping!¡± ¡°What do you think, Hannah?¡± Mrs. Macintire ignored Tabitha¡¯s plight. ¡°New beach towels, for sure. Bathing suits? Tabitha, come to think of it do you even have¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s January!¡± ¡°We should see if they have Pokemon ones,¡± Hannah suggested, not looking up from her game. ¡°Towels. Like, Pikachu.¡± ¡°If she doesn¡¯t wanna borrow a girly Aladdin one, we have our awesome Corona Extra one¡ª¡± Officer Macintire offered from across the house. ¡°Our big towel. Be way cooler with all the high school kids if¡ª¡± ¡°Hon, I don¡¯t think she should bring a towel with a beer brand on it to high school!¡± Mrs. Macintire hollered back. ¡°Good grief, she¡¯s fourteen!¡± ¡°No, I know, that¡¯s exactly why all the other kids¡¯ll think it¡¯s so damned cool¡ª¡± ¡°La la la can¡¯t hear you, ¡®cause we¡¯re going shopping!¡± Mrs. Macintire rebutted. ¡°What do you say, girls? Shopping, and then maybe McDonald¡¯s to celebrate?!¡±
To Tabitha¡¯s dismay, Mrs. Macintire insisted on taking them out on a ¡®quick¡¯ shopping trip to K-mart for a nice towel, where Sandra and Hannah combed up and down the aisle analyzing and debating the design of each and every beach towel on display¡ªarguing over them as if locker room towel choice was a critical fashion statement where Tabitha could not afford any faux pas. ¡°How about this one?¡± ¡°Ugh mom no, that one¡¯s too boring.¡± ¡°Too boring? Hmmm. You don¡¯t think it¡¯s cute?¡± ¡°It has to be cool.¡± There aren¡¯t even really that many choices! Tabitha thought with a wry smile. I guess Hannah just was not okay with me mentioning I might use a NINJA TURTLE one, because that¡¯s a BOYS thing, and BOYS BAD. As a result, Tabitha was presented with Tweety Bird and Scooby Doo beach blankets that Mrs. Macintire thought would be cool, while Hannah was pushing for her to pick a Quest for Camelot towel that was from an animated movie Tabitha had never even heard of. Although there were several Barbie ones, to her surprise Hannah didn¡¯t think them appropriate for a high schooler, insisting they were ¡®too girly.¡¯ Which led Tabitha to wonder¡ªwere high school teens not supposed to be too girly? Why such a big fuss in the first place? Tabitha hid her bafflement with a look of amusement. I know Coach Baylor said we should pick something with a design on it, but wasn¡¯t that just so we can differentiate whose is whose?! They¡¯re treating it as though it¡¯s a blouse or a purse or something people will be judging me for. In any case, Star Wars and Batman towels were directly vetoed by Hannah as being for lame and stupid and ¡®for boys,¡¯ which altogether eliminated all of the viable options available at the K-mart. Rugrats, Barney, Winnie the Pooh and Kentucky Wildcats beach towels were also there on display, but disregarded as not up to par with the high standard of excellence and discerning taste Tabitha would be expected to display in the locker room. It¡¯s so strange, Tabitha smiled to herself. If I¡¯d needed a towel back before, dad would have just bought whichever one I liked the most from that selection. We absolutely would not instead drive ALL THE WAY OUT TO SANDBORO just for a random trivial thing like a TOWEL. There at the Sandboro mall, they perused Sears and JC Penny¡ªboth had a disappointing selection that was remarkably similar to what K-mart had offered¡ªand then tried Spencer¡¯s and Hot Topic. Those would surely offer alternatives at least, featuring the likes of Simpsons, South Park, and various wrestling paraphernalia. These were ¡®grown up kids¡¯ stuff, in Hannah¡¯s words, and appropriate for her to show off in high school. Despite it being a Monday night¡ªa school night¡ªZiggy was here today, lording over the Hot Topic from its central kiosk with crossed arms and typical dour frown. She was back in full form this time, with her green hair dyed anew and fashioned into punk spikes that pointed out in every direction, and from the way Hannah squeezed and unsqueezed Tabitha¡¯s hand at the sight of Ziggy, Hannah appeared to be super excited to see such a crazy hairstyle. ¡°Hey!¡± Tabitha greeted Ziggy with a chipper smile. ¡°Tabby,¡± Ziggy had responded with a curt nod that shook her spiked-out hair. ¡°Do you know her?!¡± Hannah whispered, awed by their apparent familiarity. ¡°She knows your name!¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Tabitha boasted. ¡°Ziggy is the coolest one here at the Sandboro mall! Everyone who¡¯s anyone knows her. Ziggy, meet Hannah. Hannah; Ziggy.¡± ¡°Hi?¡± Ziggy offered them a wince of reluctance. ¡°Ziggy?¡± Hannah¡¯s mouth went wide in surprise. ¡°Her name is Ziggy?! That¡¯s so cool.¡± It was strange and surreal visiting Hot Topic with Mrs. Macintire and Hannah in tow rather than being here with Elena¡ªZiggy seemed to possess a sixth sense that clamped her lips down on any snide remarks in the presence of the overprotective momma bear behind them wearing aviator shades and a bemused smile, and even more so Ziggy wasn¡¯t able to be rude or flippant with an adorable little lamb like Hannah invading her domain and looking around the store with wide eyes. Makes me wonder how Ziggy would act around a GIGA-KAREN like Mrs. Williams, Tabitha wanted to laugh at imagining it. Super pushy customer and meddlesome mother-type. I picture Ziggy either dying inside, or chewing off her own arm to escape a constant barrage of bitter praises and sweet criticisms. ¡°Hannah hon¡ªrude to stare!¡± Mrs. Macintire reminded her daughter. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, she¡¯s just a menace.¡± ¡°It¡¯s whatever,¡± Ziggy said, putting on her most stoic and unaffected face. ¡°No biggie.¡± ¡°I really really like your hair,¡± Hannah was candid with Ziggy. ¡°Mom, can I¡ª¡± ¡°Your hair¡¯s too long to gel up into spikes,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head. ¡°Sorry baby. And, if we cut it short, then you¡¯d have to have short hair the rest of the time, and you said you didn¡¯t want that. Remember?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°But¡­¡± ¡°With enough hair spray, all things are possible!¡± Tabitha gave Hannah¡¯s hand a squeeze. ¡°We¡¯ll see about that some other time, that¡¯s a whole day project. Okay?¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± Hannah admired Ziggy¡¯s green spikes with open enthusiasm. ¡°So¡­ can I help you find anything?¡± Ziggy asked through gritted teeth, communicating the implicit ¡®so that you can leave already¡¯ with her eyes. ¡°Just looking for a beach towel for school,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°For the locker room. We weren¡¯t, uh, satisfied with the normie options everywhere else. You know how it is.¡± ¡°Yeah uh, well beach towels, they¡¯re not really in season?¡± Ziggy remarked in a deadpan voice, casting wary glances at each of them. ¡°But yeah, whatever all we got is over here.¡± A small assortment of beach towels, pillowcases, and even rugs was over in the corner of Hot Topic just past the giant wall display of band tees, and Ziggy helped leaf through the rack to show them what was available. Most of what they had was Happy Bunny stuff, which seemed to be a minimalistic clip art smiling rabbit paired with different sarcastic one-liners such as Dead on the Inside and Please Go Away and I Know How You Feel, I Just Don¡¯t Care. Mrs. Macintire made an appreciative noise at seeing those, but both Tabitha and Hannah were unimpressed. ¡°Yeah, sorry?¡± Ziggy said as she continued sliding the hangers. ¡°We used to have stuff more suited to um, your type,¡ªSpice Girls and all that, but we cleared them out a while ago. We have some kinda reggae ones? You probably don¡¯t know Bob Marley.¡± ¡°Bob Marley?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Yeah, Hannah you know Bob Marley,¡± Mrs. Macintire reminded her with a grin. ¡°I heard you and Tabby girl singin¡¯ Everything¡¯s Gonna Be Alright together just the other night.¡± ¡°Oh. Right,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°I know Bob Marley. The Three Little Birds one. Tabitha taught me¡ªit¡¯s not called Everything¡¯s Gonna Be Alright mom, it¡¯s Three Little Birds.¡± ¡°Ohh, right, right,¡± Mrs. Macintire patted the top of Hannah¡¯s head. ¡°Calming music is nice late at night,¡± Tabitha explained. It was hard not to feel a surge of pride at Hannah¡¯s impressive memory retention¡ªat least, for things that caught the little girl¡¯s interest like Disney characters and song lyrics. Hannah of course did not care to commit things like math or sciences to her brain space. But, cartoons, storybook lines, song titles, or lyrics? Hannah could rattle them off endlessly. ¡°Hannah, do you remember the other one we sing at night? Over the Rainbow?¡± Tabitha prompted with a small smile. ¡°The one we have your little ukulele for? Do you remember who wrote that?¡± ¡°Israel Kamakawiwo?ole,¡± Hannah enunciated carefully. ¡°From Hawai-i!¡± They¡¯d spent an entire giggly night after storybook time teaching Hannah how to pronounce the name right, so there was no way in hell Tabitha was going to fail to bring it up. Is this what it feels like, having a daughter? Having her around just makes me want to show off and brag. ¡°Right, well yeah,¡± Ziggy sounded miffed. ¡°From Wizard of Oz or whatever. Well, uh, yeah so there¡¯s Bob Marley if you want, and then after that we just have like, Budweiser and Corona and that kinda stuff. Tabitha¡ªdo you drink?¡± ¡°Hmm, I only drink the blood of my enemies,¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°We only drink the blood of our enemies,¡± Hannah agreed in a solemn voice. ¡°And¡ªwe never go thirsty.¡± Practice let them both deliver that gem with a straight face, but Mrs. Macintire behind them couldn¡¯t help but let out a small snrrk of laughter. If Ziggy¡¯s jab there had been intended to have Tabitha blustering or embarrassed in front of Mrs. Macintire here, well¡­ Ziggy was out of luck. While that I¡¯m an older teen and I DRINK and do ADULT STUFF but you¡¯re still basically a KID unsubtle establishing of pecking order would have been effective in making Tabitha feel super awkward around her real parents, no such difficult divide existed between her and the Macintires. The dichotomy of rebellious teen and nagging parent just wasn¡¯t present here to begin with, perhaps because it simply felt like staying with the Macintires at all in the first place was something like the penultimate rebellious act. There was no deeply ingrained familial friction or years of built up interpersonal tension to be found here, and besides, Sandra was a sassy cool mom, and had a great sense of humor. Even if Tabitha had joked about getting shitfaced or tossing back shots of tequila with Hannah until they both passed out, both of these Macintires would just take her cue and run with the gag. And then laugh about it together later, with a giddy ¡®did you see the look on her face?!¡¯ Also, now Tabitha knew where Officer Macintire had acquired his much lauded Corona Extra towel¡ªbecause an identical one just like it was hanging up here at Hot Topic. ¡°Uhhh. Right,¡± Ziggy once again looked a little speechless. ¡°Well. We might have something over in clearance? Since it¡¯s January, and all.¡± The punk teen walked them over to show them where the clearance section was, and then immediately excused herself in a hurry to assist another customer walking in. Sandra arched both eyebrows and grinned at Tabitha, but Hannah was already absorbed in rifling through the stuff on sale in search of a cool beach towel. At this time of year all of the Christmas stuff was marked down in price and on its way out, so they picked out a Coca Cola beach towel there featuring a polar bear wearing a Santa hat that looked pretty good. The design had neat, clean lines, the color scheme was a charming bold motif in white and red, and the polar bear holding up a glass soda bottle was incredibly cute. What¡¯s not to like? Tabitha held out the fabric so that she could admire it with Hannah. They brought it up to the register and a silently fuming Ziggy rung them up, and then Tabitha affixed the towel around Hannah¡¯s neck so that the little girl could wear it as a cape. They left the Sandboro mall together in triumph, with both Sandra and Hannah looking incredibly smug. Tabitha wasn¡¯t quite sure how to feel about the brief interactions with Ziggy, but there was nothing she could do about it. At some point in their last meeting Ziggy seemed to have mentally categorized Tabitha as the preppy bitch going for cheerleading, and decided that they would be at odds. That DOES make me worry for Elena, Tabitha thought to herself. But, I guess those are worries for the future¡ªwe don¡¯t even know if we¡¯ll pass muster through the tryouts, yet.
¡°Mom!¡± Hannah sat up straight in the back seat of the Acura in sudden panic, pressing both hands against her window. ¡°Mom, wait! You missed the turn-off, we¡¯re passing it!¡± Tabitha watched with a wry smile from the other side of the back seat as the iconic golden arches of McDonalds was passed by and began to recede into the distance of Sandboro¡¯s crowded main strip that was already thick with signs sporting the logos of various businesses and restaurants. The sheer sudden alarm that took hold in the little girl when she seemed to realize they might not be getting the promised Happy Meals was cute and also made Tabitha want to sigh and shake her head. After all, if there was one thing in this world that did make Tabitha feel old, it was comparing herself to Hannah. ¡°Mom¡ªMom what about McDonalds?!¡± Hannah cried out in a fluster. ¡°Calm down, shoebug,¡± Sandra placated her daughter in a calm voice. ¡°That¡¯s the Sandboro Micky-dees. We¡¯ve gotta stop over at the Springton Micky-dees, because Tabitha¡¯s boyfriend Bobby might be working there tonight, and we need to tease and heckle both of them as much as we can.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Hannah¡¯s near-tantrum receded almost as quickly as it had surged up. ¡°Yeah. That makes sense. Tabitha¡ªis Bobby your boyfriend?¡± ¡°Oh, no no no,¡± Tabitha played along. ¡°Bobby? He¡¯s way out of my league, he¡¯s too good-looking and popular for me.¡± ¡°Bobby is?¡± Hannah asked in surprise, her adorable features already turning into a predictable frown. ¡°Yeah, for sure,¡± Tabitha continued. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t have a chance with someone as handsome and charming as him. Having a crush on the cute guy or being infatuated is one thing, but I need to be realistic. I¡¯ll have to settle with someone that¡¯s more on my level, right?¡± ¡°Ha haaah,¡± Mrs. Macintire made an amused sound of exasperation. ¡°Oh, is that right?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just being realistic!¡± Tabitha played out a shrug and sad shake of her head. ¡°Bobby¡¯s not out of your league!¡± Hannah was already outraged on her behalf. ¡°You¡¯re already in like, the top leagues. The very top of ones.¡± ¡°The big leagues,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°What do you think, Hannah¡ªwouldn¡¯t Tabby and Bobby be cute together?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah agreed. ¡°They¡¯re not different leagues. I think they fit in the same, right?¡± ¡°Oh, no,¡± Tabitha lowered her head pitifully. ¡°I¡¯m from a poor trailer park¡ªI grew up poor as a church mouse! Not to mention I used to be Tubby Tabby. At school, I¡¯m infamous, rather than famous! Plus¡ªlook, and I¡¯m still a cripple. I have my bad arm, and then my head¡ªall sorts of medical issues, and, and poor health, I¡¯m practically sickly, and¡ª¡± ¡°Nuh-uh!¡± Hannah giggled and stuck her tongue out, apparently deciding that grappling with each one of those individual arguments would be silly and pointless. ¡°Nuh-uh, Tabitha. Because¡ªBecause, I say so.¡± ¡°Oh, because you say so?¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Well¡­ huh. I guess you¡¯re right, then.¡± ¡°I am,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°I¡¯m right. You¡¯re not¡ªyou¡¯re not all that stuff, you¡¯re big leagues. Because, I say so. Big leagues.¡± ¡°You tell her, Hannah!¡± Sandra teased. ¡°So¡ªwe definitely do still want McDonalds?¡± ¡°Yes, yes!!¡± The pavement rolled on beneath their wheels as Sandra took them back on the familiar road bridging the city of Sandboro and the much smaller town that was Springton. The atmosphere in the car Tabitha shared with Mrs. Macintire and Hannah was bubbly and fun in that way she found positively addicting. With them, things could just be pointless happy fluff; they chatter about nothing, banter, with none of the tension or awkwardness Tabitha remembered experiencing around her actual parents. There were occasional MOMENTS, but that was it, back then, Tabitha thought with a wistful smile as she joked around with Hannah. How is it that I can be so comfortable here, and feel like my own family are the strangers? That doesn¡¯t seem like it should make any sense. In most of her memories still, her mother was the authoritative one; crabby, stern. Critical of everything. Things had changed between them in the recent months, but somehow that original impression kept lingering on. With the Mr. Moore in her mind, Tabitha thought of her father as someone she simply had difficulty relating to or carrying on any long conversation with. He wasn¡¯t interested in her interests, and had never had much to say about them beyond vague words of encouragement, or that ever-familiar hmm, we don¡¯t have that kind of money wall that brought their talks up short. No, looking back¡ªhis words of encouragement always seemed to lack substance, while the discouraging ones he would put some meat to. Find reasons, or explanations, Tabitha remembered with a stinging flash of bitterness. As though childhood aspirations were to be kept to myself and blown out in the smoke of birthday candles, taken as pure fantasy while wishing upon a star. Not something to engage with seriously¡ªno, when talking seriously about the future, dreams must be given a sobering dose of reality. Is that why I always felt things were so helpless? I remember way back when, we were going on about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I think I was eight or nine, and had just watched an episode of the cartoon TaleSpin, and so of course I said something about wanting to be a pilot, or to have my own cargo plane business. Instead of playing along with a childish impulse, instead of taking it as a random eight-year-old fancy, he took it seriously and frowned, said he didn¡¯t think that was a good idea. Because, owning my own plane would be so ridiculously expensive, and pilot school and fuel and managing to make money off of that kind of business would just be too difficult and costly. Tabitha glanced at Hannah with envy and also a sudden strange protective impulse. Was my dad just, well, too much of a simpleton? Tabitha wondered. Too simple and straightforward to step back from a situation and realize that no, I probably wasn¡¯t seriously gearing up to become a pilot or own a plane from that age? Certainly not a cartoon bear businesswoman like Rebecca from TaleSpin like I was picturing, back then. But, the little seed of a future dream he was so quick to stamp out could have grown up into something else, some other beautiful future. Instead, I really did mature with a bunch of random inferiority complexes, and then fever dreams about running an aviation scrapyard out of a trailer park. I¡¯m to the point now where I can joke with Hannah about me needing to settle, or be realistic, or stay in my lane, but even getting to this point where I can poke fun at it was¡­ yeah, a long rough journey. Thinking about it made her want to spoil Hannah rotten with no restraint just like the Macintires already were, it made her want to spend lavishly on getting her four little cousins video games and movies. Gave her the compulsion to be there for them, to be present in their lives and supportive and uplifting. To ensure that someone in their childhood was there to encourage even silly or unrealistic dreams. Because, they were all so young, and Tabitha felt like some very early reality checks had stunted her own growth. Or, maybe I¡¯m just looking anywhere for excuses again? Tabitha sighed, trying to push the heavy introspection out of mind. Looking for anyone or anything to point fingers of blame at, for how my last life turned out. I¡¯m not being fair to either of my parents¡ªI¡¯m cherry-picking bad memories, because I¡¯m still so upset with both of them about things. And, yeah, also because living with the Macintires is just SUCH a contrast. Yes, they absolutely do spoil Hannah too much. I just¡­ find it harder and harder to fault them for it. When they finally pulled in to the Springton McDonalds, it was during their busy dinner rush. The parking lot was just about full, and Sandra steered them into a line of cars waiting at the drive thru that was now five vehicles long. Tabitha was hungry, and she was excited about maybe happening to spot Bobby, and also there was a welcome playful energy inside the car as Mrs. Macintire and Hannah worked to hatch their plans for teasing the teenagers. But, now there was also something else¡ªa bad feeling in the pit of Tabitha¡¯s stomach. ¡°What should we say?!¡± Sandra grinned. ¡°Whaddya think, Hannah Josannah? Should we say ¡®Bobby¡¯s girlfriend is here, can you please send Bobby up to the window?¡¯¡± ¡°H-he might not even be working tonight,¡± Tabitha gave them a weak protest. ¡°I don¡¯t know if¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± Hannah bounced in her seat. ¡°We should say¡ªwe need to ask him if he thinks he¡¯s in Tabitha¡¯s same league, or if¡ª¡± ¡°Wait, wait,¡± Tabitha found her voice turning serious. ¡°I, um. I actually just don¡¯t really feel good about this. Seriously.¡± ¡°Seriously?¡± Mrs. Macintire paused to turn back and give Tabitha a look. ¡°Tabitha¡ªhon, we¡¯re just kidding around! C¡¯mon.¡± ¡°No, I mean¡ªyes, you can tease me about it, that¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha hurried to explain. ¡°I just¡ªI just got really suddenly uncomfortable with the thought of you guys teasing Bobby? I, I mean, if he¡¯s working tonight, then that means he was there all day at school, and then went right to work, and spent all day kind of¡ªbusy, not able to even relax or have time for himself. It, um, it suddenly feels so very frivolous to, to be flippant and teasing with him like this, just because we¡¯ve been having fun with our day. Does that make sense?¡± Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. ¡°Whew, lordie,¡± Sandra¡¯s grin only widened, and the woman slipped her aviators down with a finger so she could more seriously evaluate Tabitha. ¡°Tabitha kiddo, I knew you had it bad, but I didn¡¯t realize you had it this bad.¡± ¡°I uh¡ªI just, I¡¯d feel bad!¡± Tabitha blushed. ¡°We, we shouldn¡¯t just assume Bobby¡¯s having a great day, and that he¡¯s cool with us¡ª¡± ¡°But, can we ask him what league he¡¯s in?¡± Hannah didn¡¯t seem to quite be getting her meaning, but it was in that subtle smug seven-year-old way that suggested her ignorance was intentional. ¡°Like, can we ask him if he thinks he and Tabitha are on the right level together? Hypothetically.¡± Tabitha really regretted explaining hypotheticals to Hannah, right now. Because, of course it was one of those grown-up words that made her want to facepalm when Hannah threw it back at her with that enormous adorable smile. What was I thinking?! ¡°Hmmm¡ªmaybe we¡¯d better just keep our heads down, ask for our Happy Meals,¡± Mrs. Macintire teased. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s getting all self-conscious! Look, her face is going red!¡± ¡°I, I, you can rib me about this, that¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t stop smiling despite the situation. ¡°But¡ªplease, don¡¯t play with Bobby about it! I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m actually not comfortable with that. Not when he¡¯s been at school and then at work all day long. Please?¡± ¡°What can we say?¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°Can we at least say, like, ¡®oh and Tabby says hi!¡¯¡± ¡°Yes, that¡¯s totally fine,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You can embarrass me, I kind of deserve it. But, uh, yeah, Bobby¡¯s cool and I like him a little, but we¡¯re not really that close yet. For us to, to like, roll up and just start messing with him, when we don¡¯t know how his day has gone?¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t you say you went and messed with him when you were with your friends the other night?¡± Mrs. Macintire countered. ¡°With Alicia and¡ªoh, shoot. What¡¯s her name. That other girl.¡± ¡°Um, Casey, and yes,¡± Tabitha felt even more blood rush to her face. ¡°That was¡­ it felt different. I, looking back, I don¡¯t think we should have, uh. I¡¯m repenting, alright? Th-there was¡ªthere was peer pressure and stuff. I have no excuse, I was in the wrong!¡± ¡°So¡ªwe can tease him?¡± Hannah seemed thrilled by how flustered Tabitha had grown. ¡°Mom?¡± ¡°Do you really think Bobby will mind?¡± Mrs. Macintire arched an eyebrow at Tabitha¡¯s theatrics. ¡°From what little I¡¯ve seen of him, he¡¯s very, uh¡ª¡± ¡°Very what?¡± Hannah asked with interest. ¡°Cute? Handsome? Big leagues?¡± ¡°Well, he seemed like a real joker,¡± Mrs. Macintire finally said. ¡°That¡¯s why this is so fun¡ªwho would have ever thought that was Tabitha¡¯s type?! But, hah, not like I can even talk. Look at the guy I wound up with!¡± ¡°You mean dad?¡± Hannah grinned. ¡°Yeah¡­ dad¡¯s not very big leagues.¡± ¡°Hannah!¡± Mrs. Macintire almost did a spit-take as she burst into laughter herself. ¡°Good lord¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m just going to shut up now!¡± Tabitha mumbled, absolutely mortified. ¡°Do as you will! I¡¯m, um, I¡¯m going to duck down and pretend I¡¯m not even in the car. Do as you will!¡± ¡°Oh, well okay then¡ªwe will,¡± Mrs. Macintire sounded smug. ¡°Hannah?¡± ¡°Ah-heh-heh-hem,¡± Hannah dramatically cleared her throat. ¡°Bobby and Ta-bi-tha, sittin¡¯ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G¡ª¡± Wow, oh wow, Tabitha crushed herself against the car door, face buried in her hands. I could actually die. Dunno if it¡¯s hormones or endorphins or just the actual act of being a teenager, here¡ª ¡°Oh¡ªkiss me through the window, Bobby my sweet!¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed, putting the back of her hand to her forehead as though she was fit to faint away. ¡°Give thee thy fairest hand¡ªooh, and with a side of fries, should thee please?¡± I MUCH preferred it when the misunderstanding was that I spoke like a robot under stress rather than a Victorian duchess! Tabitha grimaced. I don¡¯t sound like that. I never sounded like that! ¡°¡ªFirst comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage¡ª¡± I¡¯m so embarrassed I could actually die. I¡¯m dying. DEAD. DEAD! My mind¡¯s all like ¡®hey, let¡¯s be cool, calm and collected, show them how unaffected I am!¡¯ Their jabs aren¡¯t even that clever! But then, my body is like ¡®HEY WHO CARES, HAVE SOME ADRENALINE!¡¯ Why don¡¯t we give you an involuntary response to high levels of PERSONAL CRINGE that makes you too flustered to speak or function! GREAT! THANKS! PERFECT! As it turned out, Bobby was not in fact scheduled for a shift that night. A salad and two Happy Meals were ordered as Tabitha struggled to recover her composure, they pulled up to one window and then the next to pay and pick up their food, and then Tabitha ate her fries with a sullen smile as they drove on towards home. Hannah and Mrs. Macintire both appeared extraordinarily pleased with themselves¡ªbut Tabitha swore to herself that she would have her revenge.
¡°Never had a real boyfriend, and¡­ I haven¡¯t had my first kiss yet,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I¡¯ve been on something like dates before, but¡ªyeah. It went awful, and I guess¡ªI guess it kinda spooked me away from trying to, uh. Dip my toe further into all that.¡± ¡°Damn, so¡ª¡± Bobby¡¯s handsome face wore a look that was thoughtful without being judgemental. ¡°So, you haven¡¯t had a first kiss yet?¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t,¡± Tabitha confirmed, trying to make the shrug she gave him nonchalant. As if it didn¡¯t matter¡ªas if missing out on the magic and romantic side of life completely had been no big deal for her. It was easy to appear disaffected, but inside it stung. It always had. That bitter sense of loss had become a part of her, because she wanted to love, to be loved, to experience affection and give it in turn, for someone to care, really care, and for those feelings to be something they could physically express, to manifest as fantastic life-changing moments. ¡°Then, uh¡ªdo you want to have your first kiss?¡± Bobby asked. The charming and cocky facade of his had been cracked open from the inside, and he was regarding her with a rather vulnerable look of anticipation. This would be a turning point for them, perhaps, where either they were able to open up to each other on a deeper, more meaningful level¡­ or where Tabitha would¡ªgently¡ªpush that playful carefree mask he usually wore back into place and the offer to kiss would just be brushed off by both of them as a joke. Banter. ¡°Yeah, kinda,¡± Tabitha gazed in his eyes, trying to savor this moment. ¡°Just¡­ can my first kiss be somewhere special? Not like, just here in the hallway. Maybe uh, maybe we could find somewhere a little more private?¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Bobby seemed to light up at her answer, and he took her by the hand. She stared at their joined hands for a moment in awe¡ªwas everything really going so well? This all just felt right. ¡°W-wait,¡± Tabitha stammered. ¡°This is, uh, it¡¯s not weird, or anything?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± Bobby searched her expression. ¡°I guess¡­ because I¡¯m so much older than you,¡± Tabitha said with a wince. ¡°Sorta. Because¡ªbecause, yeah, I um, at one point I lived out a life until I was sixty years old, so. It¡¯s weird. Right? I mean, I¡¯m not sixty now, for sure, but I was, once. This doesn¡¯t make me like, a pedo or a groomer or something? Bobby, you¡¯re a teenager.¡± ¡°Aren¡¯t we the same age?¡± Bobby seemed puzzled by her hesitance here. ¡°Yes, and also¡ªno?¡± Tabitha was at a loss as to how to explain. ¡°But I mean, like¡ªright now, we¡¯re the same age, right?¡± Bobby reasoned. ¡°And then, in the future¡ªin the future we¡¯d still be the same age. Over there, you¡¯re sixty and I¡¯m sixty. Right?¡± ¡°Yeah, but¡ª¡± Tabitha paused. ¡°But, I¡¯m from the future, and you¡¯re not. Right now. So¡­¡± ¡°Okay then, I¡¯m from the future, too,¡± Bobby lied unabashedly. ¡°I just didn¡¯t want to tell anyone, so. Yeah. Keep it a secret for me, okay?¡± ¡°No, seriously Bobby,¡± Tabitha tried to withdraw her hand. ¡°You said you¡¯ve never kissed anyone,¡± Bobby recalled. ¡°Did you mean just now, or in both lives?¡± ¡°Both, uh,¡± Tabitha winced again. ¡°Sadly.¡± ¡°Then, s¡¯not like you¡¯re exactly taking advantage of me or anything,¡± Bobby set up his argument. ¡°You¡¯re not like, using your future knowledge to woo me, right? To take advantage of me? You¡¯re not leaning on your age and maturity to take advantage of things, have ill intentions or all that jazz?¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Tabitha tried to think it through, but it was getting hard to concentrate. ¡°I¡­ guess I¡¯m not? But still, that doesn¡¯t necessarily mean¡ª¡± ¡°Tell you what,¡± Bobby gave her hand a squeeze. ¡°Let¡¯s find the perfect spot where we can have some privacy for your first kiss, and then you can decide whether or not we wait or if we just go ahead and do it. See how the moment feels, alright?¡± ¡°Well¡­ alright,¡± Tabitha nodded. She really did want to kiss him, and maybe she was just looking forward to it too much. Was it finally her time? Would it be amazing, or would it disappoint? She needed to know. He led her down the bustling hallway of Springton High in the direction of the quad, and the indifferent faces of the students became a blur as her eyes tracked down the length of her arm to where her hand was clasped with Bobby¡¯s. Holding hands was¡­ nice. She enjoyed it a lot more than she thought she would, the context of it, even just the implication that they were close enough for that kind of intimate gesture was cool. There was a level of trust there, a bond, and holding hands with a boy she was interested in just had her feeling giddy and light on her feet. When they reached the quad area with its tables and planters it was crowded, and Tabitha wondered for an oblique moment what day it was. There were people everywhere! She was still riding that high of happiness seeded through with anticipation, so she wasn¡¯t too bothered as Bobby gave her a helpless smile and brought her on past the back quad and towards the track and field area where the Personal Fitness class met in the mornings. It was busy there, too¡ªhalf of the bleachers were full and there were what must have been several different classes of kids out on the field doing activities of some sort. There were small cliques of people clustered here and there talking, and even scattered groups of students jogging around the track that looped around the field together. Now she felt a little dismayed. This wasn¡¯t the right place for a perfect first kiss, either. But where was the spot that would be just right? Away from prying eyes, but also somewhere nice. Memorable. Still hand-in-hand, they doubled back towards the quad and then tried one of the other hallways, but there were people everywhere. Talking and walking along the corridors, leaning against lockers, even when they strode past the open doors of classrooms all of the seats were full. There was just commotion everywhere, like this was some big day that Tabitha couldn¡¯t quite recall, maybe one of those Homecoming things, or a pep rally. ¡°Hmm, let¡¯s try over this way,¡± Bobby suggested. They went down another one of the hallways and skirted around the Science Building all the way back towards the lunch room. Everywhere was full of people, there seemed to be no secluded spot where they could have a private moment. The cafeteria was a veritable sea of bodies, there were kids hanging out behind every corner and casually chatting along every walkway. What was going on? Should I just ask him to kiss me? Tabitha wondered as her impatience and frustration grew. The bus loop was full of buses and flocks of teenagers were boarding and disembarking and waiting for their bus in giant throngs. Thinking that perhaps this had cleared out the overpopulated hallways, Tabitha went back in that direction, but there were still kids everywhere, laughing and talking and joking with one another as though this was an unusually long gap between one class and the next. Something was wrong. She checked down another hallway, she tried the quad again, and although she could tell from outside it was full of loud people carrying on she was about to attempt peeking in the art room anyways¡ªwhen she realized her hand was empty. Bobby was gone. Where did¡ª Tabitha looked around in embarrassment, her frustration turning into fear and urgency. Did we get separated? Tabitha dashed down the hallways in search of his familiar figure, his smile that always put her heart at ease¡ªbut he was nowhere to be found. She parted through the crowds first politely, and then without care of whose shoulders she bumped into or which person¡¯s papers and books got scattered across the tile. The masses of students everywhere were starting to thin, and as Tabitha turned down this hallway and that and barged into both classrooms she knew from this lifetime and those she barely remembered from the future, she found the rooms empty. Vacant seats and empty desks. The background murmur of thousands of voices all speaking at once throughout the campus was dwindling to just occasional echoes down hallways in the distance. Dread was beginning to overtake her and she ran with all of her might down corridors that were sparse with people and then ones that were completely empty. Minutes later, as she rounded a bend she realized that the lights in this wing were off. Was school closed for the day? Had she missed her chance? Frustration and a gnawing sense of loss slowed her to a trot and then a slow walk. There was no one here¡ªTabitha not only couldn¡¯t find Bobby, but now she couldn¡¯t find anyone. What had happened?! How had she missed it¡ªthey had been holding hands! Where did he¡ª
Tabitha woke with a jolt, still feeling adrenaline from her run through the dream. She¡¯d had vivid nightmares and F-22 fever dreams as recently as the past couple months, but none that immediately pissed her off quite like this one, and with a single motion Tabitha swung the covers back and sat up, shoulders heaving. ¡°What the fuck,¡± Tabitha said, staring out across the darkened bedroom. ¡°What the actual fuck.¡± Furious, she got up on her knee, leaned over her pillow, and started punching it¡ªwith both hands, because she was in the final week before getting her cast removed and the twinges and aches were long since a thing of the past. She laid into the pillow with a snarl of frustration, watching the soft shape deform beneath a fist and then the blocky shape of her cast and then her fist again without finding much satisfaction in the violence. God¡­ DAMN IT, Tabitha swore to herself, angrily swiping tangles of hair out of her face and sitting back up. What the hell? She had experienced a few semi-lurid dreams where she was about to kiss her old senior-year crush a few times in her past life, and even had an exceptionally sexy dream later on in her twenties. All of those were years and years and years ago though, and feeling some combination of raging hormones, her subconscious desires, and the fucked up psychology driving her current dilemma made tonight seem like her fourteen year old body had absolutely betrayed her. Just¡ªnot cool, not fucking cool, okay? Tabitha fumed. I DECIDED no kissing until I¡¯m sixteen. No sexy times or any of that nonsense until I¡¯m like¡ªtwenty one. AT LEAST. Twenty one, and without involving alcohol. That way, it¡¯s not weird. Or not as weird. It¡¯ll always be a little weird, that¡¯s just my life I guess. But, still¡ªwhat the hell. I¡¯m not HORNY or anything when I¡¯m awake, so bad brains could you please just not do this to me? EVER? Yeah, okay, I have desires. But they¡¯re like¡ªthey need some FIGURING OUT first, okay? I¡¯m not just gonna let Bobby sweet talk me to some private spot to make out. That¡¯s not happening! The absolute worst part of it all was how much she had been looking forward to it. The moment in the dream just felt right, things weren¡¯t too awkward, the mood was right, their chemistry was okay, she wasn¡¯t terrified and her fight or flight panic response wasn¡¯t engaging¡ªthings were working. Having that opportunity about to happen, bubbling with anticipation for it, and then having her dream devolve into nonsense that didn¡¯t deliver was just horribly unsatisfying! ¡°Zero stars, zero fucking stars,¡± Tabitha grumbled under her breath. ¡°Two strong thumbs down. Zero out of five, no thank you, certified rotten tomato¡ªwould not dream again.¡± With a careless motion she smoothed out her pillow, readjusted her legs, and dropped her head back down. She had no idea what time of night it was, she was wide fucking awake, but also dead tired, and now had a bunch of weird thoughts that she didn¡¯t particularly want to stew in right now. After exhaling a long breath and then groping out across the small table beside her bed, Tabitha¡¯s found the F-22 raptor model Alicia had given her for her birthday. With care she traced her fingers along the miniature fuselage and then gave it a little pat. ¡°Take me down to the scrap yard city, where the junk is free and the parts are pretty~¡± Tabitha sung in a sleepy murmur. Yeah. Let¡¯s just get back to dreaming about my fighter jet. Okay? You hear that, bad brains? That last one where I had it, I think I maybe crashed it or lost it in a tail spin or something. Can we just go back to working on fixing up my F-22, please? Let¡¯s have THOSE dreams again. I don¡¯t want to dwell about dream symbolism, or dating, or bizarro age difference paradoxes¡ªhard pass on all that. HARD PASS. Just, please, just let me be a simple fourteen year old girl. The room was filled with stifling silence, and although she waited and waited, Tabitha did not fall right back asleep. ¡°Holding hands is probably okay at fourteen or fifteen, right?¡± Her voice muttered into the darkness. ¡°That¡¯s not¡­ super weird or awful. Holding hands, yeah. Hugging? Maybe. Any of that stuff with bases, touching or copping a feel or getting grabby with each other¡ªnope. Nope nope nope, shot right outta the comfort zone and like, into the stratosphere of nope. Feels like a hard personal boundary, there, that might need time with like, a therapist to start working through. We uhh, we can revisit all of that when I¡¯m way way older. Or never. Whichever comes first.¡±
Her second day going back to school didn¡¯t require nearly as much attention to detail and preparation¡ªit seemed almost silly spending time obsessing over her outfit, when it would be hidden beneath a bulky jacket most of the time anyways. Tabitha stared at tired eyes in the mirror as she brushed and arranged her hair, and then carefully turned her face this way and that searching for blemishes. Her face was free of acne for now, but her pale skin was less flawless white jade and more hey, I look kinda sickly. Close scrutiny made the blue veins just beneath the skin at her temples seem stark and obvious, and she was for sure going to have to do something about the dark circles beneath her eyes. Tabitha was no stranger to applying makeup, but it also wasn¡¯t an everyday routine for her, causing her to flinch and wince as cold color-correcting concealer was dabbed in beneath her eyes and blended in. Yesterday, a full twenty minutes had been spent poring over every detail in the mirror so that she looked her best. Today, she just wanted to hurry to hide the obvious flaws, so that no one would comment on how tired she looked. And, it¡¯s all Bobby¡¯s fault! The finer details of her dream last night slipped through her fingers and vanished into obscurity when she tried to grasp them now, but she did remember the basic gist of it¡ªher and Bobby were going to kiss, and then they didn¡¯t. It was easy for Tabitha to chalk this one up to a combination of yesterday¡¯s teasing and overthinking and that vague, formless but ever-present fear of missing out shaping her subconscious thoughts in sleep. In her dream they had been searching and searching for just the right spot for a first kiss, and before she knew it, the moment was gone. The chances were gone. Bobby was gone. The moral is, I guess¡ªlive life in the moment? Tabitha scoffed at herself in the mirror. Oh, PLEASE. I don¡¯t think so. There¡¯s something to be said for waiting on things that never come, the whole mindset that the story of my life starts TOMORROW and never today, or that I was looking forward to¡ªor living in fear of¡ªsomething that was just never going to happen unless I MADE it happen. Yeah, okay. My past experience is proof enough of that. Tabitha performed a scowl that turned into a pout, and then schooled her expression into a shy smile, and then a big one. But¡ªthere¡¯s absolutely no way that taking things in the opposite direction towards the other extreme is the answer! I don¡¯t really know for sure how I feel about Bobby, except that I¡¯m drawn to and also terrified of having feelings for Bobby. I¡¯m making steady progress on myself, I¡¯m still adapting and making major strides and growing into who I think I want to be. I don¡¯t need to be rash or impulsive just for fear of missing out on things! She checked her teeth in the mirror, then searched again for imperfections that might require a touch-up, and then put on her game face. Her prior life as an introvert had given her what she liked to think of as resting blankface. She had been so used to having her guard up when she was around other people and showing nothing at all, that it actually became difficult to properly display expressions when she intended to¡ªthey seemed to come out halfway rather than fully-formed. A weak half-smile when she meant to have a big positive smile on. A puzzled, thoughtful look instead of a face intended to look stern or cross or illustrate that she was getting upset. Time with her cousins and then Hannah had helped enormously, because Tabitha tended to try to exaggerate her expressions, her body language, and her manner of speech around them when she could. Around her peers it was still a struggle to keep from being on guard or having her hackles up and reverting to blankface, and in the presence of adults Tabitha thought she might as well have been faking it or putting on an act. Was that normal? For a teenager? She thought it might be. Still, as cringe and embarrassing as it sounds, practicing in the mirror DOES help, Tabitha told herself. Helps ingrain the FEELING of a full smile, or a grin, or any of the faces I need to put on. So that I¡¯m not THINKING that I¡¯m giving a look at 100% while really only actually putting up a dull kind of 60% one that¡¯s hard for other people to read. It¡¯s fine when I¡¯m with my friends, with people I¡¯m comfortable with. But, it¡¯s just SO HARD presenting myself ¡®normally¡¯ the same way to others outside of that. There didn¡¯t seem to be some personal social milestone that flipped a mental switch for her and made acting extroverted easy. Or, at least not yet! Tabitha thought to herself. Maybe someday, though. I¡¯m sure if and when it happens, I won¡¯t even notice the change until after the fact. She dressed in the ¡®angelic¡¯ bridesmaid blouse and white jeans ensemble, which had been her previous favorite outfit¡ªher current favorite outfit was the new ¡®librarian chic¡¯ blouse with high-waisted jeans. Which Tabitha intended to keep in reserve for a warmer school day, where she could go without a winter coat and hoodie and properly show it off. Yesterday had seen her long-sleeved A-line winter dress which was modest and sensible, but because it had been hidden beneath layers just about the whole day, she felt like she hadn¡¯t debuted that look at school just yet. Which leaves¡ªa couple of ¡®sporty¡¯ outfits, like the prom dress to faux vest one, and then the skater boi one which I haven¡¯t worn in front of anybody really, yet, Tabitha thought, mentally cataloging all of her options. The thing was, there weren¡¯t all that many options¡ªwhen leaving the trailer park she¡¯d shoved only her favorites and a couple t-shirts in her bag. Most of what she had now was new. The wider array of bland, boring tops and sweatpants and such which she thought of being from ¡®her past childhood¡¯ had been left behind, and by comparison just about everything she wore now was very dressy. Tabitha was going to need to buy a new outfit for when she was active at school for her Personal Fitness class, because her old trashy running outfit wasn¡¯t something she could wear in front of the teenage girl clique. Agghh! Tabitha wanted to punch her pillow again. Which means MORE SHOPPING. When I already feel like we¡¯ve been to K-Mart and the Sandboro mall more times in the past month or two than I¡¯d gone in MY ENTIRE PREVIOUS LIFE. I¡¯m getting comfortable with it, and the thought of getting comfortable with shopping all the time makes me UNCOMFORTABLE! Tabitha shouldered her book bag, took one last trip into the bathroom to check her appearance, and then quietly went on down the hall through the living room. The timing of her school day didn¡¯t match up well with Mrs. Macintire leaving for work, and Hannah wouldn¡¯t need to wake up and start her day for almost another hour. A single bread slice was put in the toaster¡ªTabitha double checked to ensure the toasting dial wasn¡¯t set at incinerate, which remained Officer Macintire¡¯s preference. Hannah¡¯s insulated fabric lunchbox was open and airing out overnight on the counter as per usual, so Tabitha checked to see that it didn¡¯t need wiping clean, then began to fill it. A Capri-Sun drink, a Fruit-by-the-Foot rolled gummy pack, a very small ziplock of baby carrots, and then today Hannah¡¯s sandwich would be turkey and cheese, cut at a diagonal, and with the crusts cut off. Which actually seems pretty good, Tabitha admired it, popping the cut-off bread crusts into her mouth as she wrapped the sandwich for Hannah snug in a wax paper sheet and then fit it into the lunchbox. Think I¡¯ll have a turkey sandwich myself, after school. Hannah¡¯s school lunch went into the fridge, with the top of the lunchbox propped open so that the contents would stay cool. Then, Tabitha collected her toast, spoiled herself with a very small glass of orange juice¡ªa guilty pleasure that she did not remember enjoying often back at the Moore household¡ªand got ready to leave. The compulsion to check for the time on her bracelet PC or smartphone had been suppressed in the past half-year, and so a confirming glance at the VCR¡¯s digital readout was enough. Tabitha slipped on her shoes, tied then tight, and then drew the oversized hoodie on over her head and donned the camouflage winter coat. Oh, shit! Tabitha swore, jolting her hand back from the doorknob in a fluster. Duh, Tabitha. Don¡¯t forget the towel! Cursing and grumbling to herself as quietly as she could, Tabitha hurried back down the hallway to her room to retrieve the new Coca Cola beach towel.
¡°Uh, hey,¡± This time one of the other teens at the bus stop seemed to notice her presence. ¡°Sorry if this is weird, but¡ªyou¡¯re Tabitha, right?¡± ¡°I am,¡± Tabitha put on the composed friendly but not TOO friendly smile she had practiced and pulled her good hand out of her coat pocket to offer it. ¡°You are¡ª?¡± ¡°Uh, David,¡± The guy said, somewhat clasping her hand and then releasing it rather than performing anything like a handshake. ¡°Did you just move here? To this neighborhood, I mean.¡± ¡°Kind of, yeah,¡± Tabitha confirmed. ¡°Cool, cool,¡± David nodded. He didn¡¯t appear to think up anything else to say, and with the other two kids waiting at the curb just sort of watching but not volunteering to introduce themselves or speak up, Tabitha couldn¡¯t think of anything to say, either. They waited another awkward couple of minutes out in the cold for the bus to arrive, and by the time it showed up and they filed up onto it, Tabitha found that she had forgotten the guy¡¯s name. Dave? James? Drew? Something like that. Damnit, Tabitha, this is what happens when you¡¯re not focusing. ¡°Sup, Tabby,¡± Gary called. ¡°Sup, Gary,¡± Tabitha shot back in turn, offering him a lopsided smirk instead of a smile¡ªher normal smiles weren¡¯t the right temperature to use with Gary. ¡°Did you save me a seat?¡± ¡°Yeah, got one for right there,¡± Gary¡¯s hand holding the ball pointed a finger across from him. ¡°Saved it for you.¡± ¡°Thanks, G,¡± Tabitha shuffled forward as the people in front of her found places to sit and then dropped into the offered empty bench. That was it. No one seemed particularly in the mood for conversation today, and the bus rumbled on through its route with its passengers mostly silent. The flavor of silence seemed to be sleepy and annoyed rather than tense and brooding, so Tabitha kept to herself and looked out the window. Driveways, hedges, and mailboxes drifted by at a sedate pace as they traversed the neighborhood, and she wondered why she had been psyching herself up for difficult conversation, clever comebacks, and witty retorts. I feel like I uh, mentally shift myself into a higher gear to try to be extroverted, Tabitha wanted to laugh at herself. But, then sometimes it¡¯s just¡ªyeah, like this. Should I have had something interesting to talk about prepared and ready, should I have been initiating dialogue? Maybe I should think of something, for days like this. Today, though? Just kind of want to roll with it, and have a chill day. I¡¯m tired! Bobby¡¯s fault. As the great Hank Hill once said¡ªDAMNIT, BOBBY.
Just like yesterday, when her pre-prepared rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated line was on the forefront of her thoughts and the tip of her tongue as her fourteen year old brain itched to deliver a clever line at just the right moment and seem cool, this morning the damnit, Bobby quote was front and center. Making a funny reference and¡ªhopefully¡ªearning a laugh out of her peers would be super worth it, and for long giddy moments Tabitha fantasized about saying it as just the perfect time and impressing everyone. Which is, YEAH, that¡¯s just super cringe, Tabitha felt her cheeks grow hot with unwelcome self-awareness. That¡¯s, uh. That¡¯s right up there with being one of the most FOURTEEN YEAR OLD weird¡­ random sorta compulsions that just sort of latches on and won¡¯t let go. She was pretty sure the King of the Hill cartoon was already airing by the time of 1999, because for whatever reason she mentally lumped it in with The Simpsons. However, she had been wrong before about things like this, and it was just an extremely strange area to have room for doubts. Tabitha suspected that Futurama and Family Guy weren¡¯t airing yet, and she knew American Dad was a ways off after them. Part of being popular¡ªor at least, social¡ªwas keeping a finger on the pulse of popular culture. Knowing current events and being able to remark upon them, being involved with what was going on with their lives right now. Which SHOULD be a huge advantage for me, Tabitha wanted to hang her head and cry. But, it just ISN¡¯T. Not in NORMAL ways. Like sure, I remember MEMES, and I have a sort of secondhand gist of things from my last life, but the overwhelming majority of that stuff isn¡¯t neatly packaged into banter or one-liners I could use with, say, Gary. Bobby. Alicia and Elena. Just¡­ hyper-specific and extremely rare situations, like having GOFFIC banter I can use with Ziggy. Even THAT isn¡¯t completely on brand, because she actually skews more PUNK than GOTH, and to be honest I don¡¯t remember much punk stuff, period. ¡°Damnit, Bobby,¡± Tabitha muttered again under her breath. No, wait! I threw some pretty good lines at Bobby yesterday that just sort of came to me when he was doing his REDNECK thing. Since I¡¯d seen Westworld. The problem with witty lines was that they either came to her when she needed them, or they didn¡¯t. Outside of a handful she was able to mentally flag and practice and keep at the forefront of her mind, it felt like she was often groping in the darkness for something clever to say. She needed something clever to say, because without that it felt like she had nothing to bring to the table socially. Whew boy, okay¡ªcalm down, Tabitha told herself. This is just DAY TWO of trying to be popular at high school. It¡¯s already not as tense as yesterday! I feel like I¡¯ve passed some of the major hurdles and I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m still this anxious about EVERYTHING all the time. No, that¡¯s not true. I know why, just¡ªjust I want the anxious to just uh, to just FADE AWAY and for this to be natural and easy like it seems to be for everyone else. She was on a first-name basis with Gary and Jacob, who were ostensibly the loud cool kids on her bus. Before classes and at lunch she had close friends to hang out with in Alicia and Elena. Most of her actual class periods didn¡¯t offer much leeway for actual socialization with peers, but for the two that did, she maybe had a new friend with Vanessa. Vanessa was outgoing, which maybe made her a popular girl? The correlation between ¡®outgoing¡¯ and ¡®popular¡¯ in Tabitha¡¯s mind was less murky than it had been throughout her first semester here, and the key to it all seemed to be ¡®consensus.¡¯ Maybe Vanessa was outgoing but not popular¡ªwhich probably would mean there was beef with some of the unquestionably popular cliques of girls, and their word was that Vanessa was lame. Or, perhaps having enemies¡ªrivals?¡ªwas what would prove Vanessa was technically popular, because it would mean everyone knew who she was and that she was a topical subject. Ooph, which would make me¡ªwhat, exactly? Tabitha¡¯s head felt like it was spinning trying to wrap her mind around high school politics. Tabitha realized she was well known throughout Springton High already, just rather than conventional popularity¡­ it was more as though her name had become sewer sluice for the vulgarities of the teenage rumor mill. Everyone knew there was an extremely antagonistic relationship there between Tabitha and Erica Taylor, but no one seemed clear on the details of why and were perfectly happy to invent all sorts of outlandish reasons on their own. Her current image had invited plenty of problems as well, because her dramatic weight loss and beauty makeover for the start of high school had immediately put her on everyone¡¯s radar, despite Tabitha not having quite learned how to fly yet¡ªsocially speaking. Tabitha decided that she had tried to run before learning how to walk, and the benefit of hindsight made it more clear on how and why and where she had stumbled and fallen. But, I¡¯m making amends! Tabitha thought, displacing her weariness and embarrassment with determination. I¡¯m putting in the work, this time. I¡¯m going to be one of the cool kids, I¡¯m going to have a fun and fulfilling high school life that leaves me with no regrets. ¡°Damn, you alright?¡± Gary called over. ¡°Huh?¡± Tabitha blinked in surprise. ¡°You looked all¡ªI dunno,¡± Gary chuckled. ¡°Pissed off, or something?¡± ¡°Oh, no,¡± Tabitha blushed furiously. ¡°Just trying to¡ªyou know. Psych myself up, for today.¡± ¡°Psych yourself up?¡± Gary¡¯s eyebrows went up as he rolled his ever-present basketball back and forth between his palms. ¡°For what?¡± Jacob asked, calling over from one of the other seats. ¡°Just, you know,¡± Tabitha floundered. ¡°School? Coming back to school, it¡¯s hard. I¡¯ve, uh, ¡®til yesterday I was just like, staying at home all day and chilling? Not waking up early. Not having to deal with people. I was out of school for a couple months.¡± Her sputtered explanation felt like it was full of holes¡ªit was fabricated on the spot and felt like it was as much lie as it was truth. She wanted an excuse that was relatable, but then she was also terrified to convey the reality of her actual social anxiety, and couching it all in something more blase like ¡®having to deal with people¡¯ seemed like the best way to present it. To her immense relief, Jacob and Gary didn¡¯t seem to really care. ¡°Damn, a couple months?¡± Jacob scoffed. ¡°I¡¯m jealous.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t hear ¡®bout all that?¡± Gary smirked and gave his friend a side-eyed look while still facing Tabitha. ¡°She got jumped by Erica, at some party. Erica Taylor.¡± ¡°Jumped?¡± Jacob repeated, looking towards Tabitha with new interest. ¡°She um,¡± Tabitha¡¯s head swam with different phrasings and explanations for a moment as she struggled to decide what to clarify. ¡°She thought that we could maybe resolve our differences using violence? Hah ha. Smashed my skull in with a bat, I uh, I had to have surgery because my. My uh. I had a bleed in my brain that wouldn¡¯t stop.¡± That revelation turned a large batch of heads in her direction, and it suddenly went from being a small chat between a few people to a third of the bus staring at her. There was a bolt of fear at suddenly feeling like she was in the center of attention, but then also she felt a little baffled. Hadn¡¯t they already more or less gone over this yesterday? Tabitha felt like she had brought up the ordeal and they had chuckled about it, but right here in the moment she couldn¡¯t recall quite what was said back then. ¡°No shit?¡± Jacob leaned forward. ¡°Like, for real?¡± ¡°Uhh, yeah,¡± Tabitha gave everyone a shy smile. ¡°They had to operate and everything. Endoscopic ventriculostomy. See?¡± Despite carefully arranging her hair this morning to conceal the fuzzy section that had been shaved for surgery, Tabitha now tilted her head and carefully drew her hair back to expose it to them. The stitches themselves she couldn¡¯t quite see properly herself in a mirror because of their position, but from gingerly probing the area with her fingertips she knew the cratered awkward crease of them putting her head back together after opening her up was there. ¡°Whoaaa, damn,¡± Gary mouthed in surprise, shucking himself forward on the bus bench so that he could see better. ¡°That looks gnarly,¡± Jacob remarked, leaning almost the whole way over one of the benchbacks to get a closer look. ¡°Gee, thanks,¡± Tabitha gave them an awkward smile, brushing her hair back into place over it. Almost everyone on the bus was staring in her direction, now. ¡°But, uh¡ªyeah,¡± Tabitha pretended not to notice everyone¡¯s attention. ¡°Actually withdrew from school just when Chris Thompson uh, he fractured my wrist, and I was gonna come back to finish the semester maybe, but¡­ yeah. Hospitalized again! You know how it is.¡± ¡°Naw, hell naw¡ªthat ain¡¯t even right,¡± Gary scowled, shaking his head. ¡°For real,¡± Jacob agreed, looking Tabitha up and down again and seeming to reevaluate her. ¡°S¡¯like everyone was out to just fuck you up.¡± ¡°Yeah, like¡ªwhat¡¯s the deal?¡± Another guy spoke up. It seemed to be the same teen from Tabitha¡¯s bus stop who had introduced himself to her today, but to her vexation Tabitha was still blanking on his name. ¡°What¡¯s the story with all that?¡± ¡°With Chris, I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha gave them an expressive shrug of her shoulders. ¡°I¡¯d, ah, I¡¯d never even met him before. They brought him over to uh, to apologize to me the very next day, and that was the first time I even met him.¡± ¡°For real?¡± Jacob asked. ¡°Then what about with Erica?¡± Someone from the seats behind her asked. Tabitha turned in place to see who, but she couldn¡¯t tell¡ªit was a sea of unfamiliar faces, teenage boys and girls alike, everyone back there was now watching intently for her answer. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ a long story,¡± Tabitha put on a small smile for them. ¡°I used to be friends with her little sister, way back before¡ªlike, partway through middle school. But, then¡ªwell, it¡¯s a long story, and uh, we¡¯re almost there?¡± Anyone glancing out the windows could see they were pulling in for the last turn towards Springton High and on final approach. Tabitha herself felt completely torn. It was important, no¡ªvital that she be the one to start personally clarifying what had happened and dispel the mess of rumor and hearsay. But, at the same time, it didn¡¯t feel completely right to simply air out all of the Taylor family¡¯s dirty laundry and shunt all of that negative attention Ashlee¡¯s way. But, I also can¡¯t just NOT explain, Tabitha was mindful enough to hide the grimace that wanted to emerge from everyone¡¯s stares. I¡­ yeah, I need to talk with Ashlee about all of this. Today.
Clarissa wandered past her old morning haunt like a ghost, giving the worn concrete planter along the edge of Springton High¡¯s front commons a long look. Before the first bell she used to stand there with her close friends, that used to be their spot to meet up and talk. Now, no one stood there. Madison and Leah hung out in the rear quad over by the music building now, and their judging looks were too heavy for Clarissa to bear enduring. Bailey stood with a new mixed group of teenagers over by the other end of the front commons, and pretended not to notice Clarissa existed. She was apparently too busy laughing and chatting and having a great time with her new classmates, for Bailey it was as if she didn¡¯t even remember that Clarissa and her had once been close. We were all best friends since FOURTH GRADE. To simply say that it hurt would be to fundamentally misunderstand Clarissa and the world she lived in. It wasn¡¯t just pain and loss¡ªwithout her stupid stereotypical friendships Clarissa knew she didn¡¯t have a world, she didn¡¯t have motions to go through, she didn¡¯t have a routine or things to look forward to or things to think about. As superficial and ultimately shallow as her friendships had been, they had been the framework for her entire life, and the silly empty smiles and banal, overexcited good morning it¡¯s so great to see you had meant everything to her. Clarissa had tried to cope, she¡¯d tried to intrude upon different groups of similar girls, or start to lean into different acquaintances¡ªto test the waters and see if she could fish out more of a friendship somewhere. Everyone shut her out. Awkward silences, derisive looks, and jokes at her expense were there everywhere she turned. Clarissa remembered Amber exchanging glances of amusement with the rest of her little squad, looks of can you believe this or who does this girl think she is, as if mocking Clarissa¡¯s sheer shameless audacity in trying to talk to them. Rachel and Carrie, directly laughing in her face¡ªsnorting, reflexive bursts of humiliating laughter that had Clarissa immediately make an excuse and leave. She¡¯d grown used to locking her jaw in a rigid expression to keep from crying at school, but every day once she got home the tears started, and it would just be hours sobbing in her room. Sobbing out rage and anger until all of her energy was spent, with only the company of her beanie babies arranged along their special shelf. Clarissa had been desperate to make amends, even going to apologize in person to Tabitha at a Halloween party¡ªand just when everything there seemed to be looking up, Erica Taylor bashed Tabitha¡¯s head in with a bat. And that was that. Tabitha¡¯s little group of friends there were understandably distant and gave her the same cold shoulder everyone else did, in the months after that. Why wouldn¡¯t they? Springton High wasn¡¯t a large school, and among the freshman class everyone knew now to avoid her. Her life¡­ was over. With the now-familiar hollow feeling of absolute emptiness, Clarissa smoothed out the wrinkles of the oversized hoodie she hid in, and trudged over to the cafeteria, avoiding everyone¡¯s gaze. It had been a surprise when she discovered Ashlee sitting in the far corner of the cafeteria tables yesterday, and it was a bitter relief to see her there again today. Clarissa wasn¡¯t sure she even liked Ashlee. The girl was a seething and unfriendly ball of spite, a scowling and embittered teenage girl who had basically already given up on ever forming companionships with others. That drew Clarissa in and also it repelled her, that hateful drowning in misery malice for everyone and everything spoke to her on a deep level, and also she found it incredibly abhorrent and off-putting. She didn¡¯t want friends like Ashlee, and if this girl was her only option left¡­ then she¡¯d rather just have no friends at all. What I WANT is for everything to go back to the way it was! Having decided to avoid Ashlee and not speak with her again, Clarissa watched without interest or emotion as her trudging footsteps carried her over to the corner table where Ashlee was anyways, and without surprise or feeling much of anything at all she sat down next to her. ¡°Hey,¡± Clarissa said. ¡°Hey,¡± Ashlee grunted back. ¡°It¡¯s stupid cold out.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Clarissa agreed. ¡°It really is.¡± They sat in silence for a minute after that, and after a bit it occurred to Clarissa that they were both simply observing everyone else in the lunch room. There was an unspoken solidarity there as outsiders as they each stared out at the kids sitting at other tables, chatting and smiling and enjoying the presence of other people with conversation. Joking with one another, or expressing exasperation as they retold some series of events, or griped about homework while unzipping a bookbag to fish out worksheets. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s in my sixth period class,¡± Clarissa finally volunteered. ¡°I¡¯m at her table for art.¡± ¡°Tabitha?¡± Ashlee repeated. ¡°Yeah. Tabitha Moore.¡± ¡°Mister Peterson?¡± Ashlee asked. ¡°I have him second period. It sucks.¡± ¡°Yeah. I¡¯m not uh. Artistic, or anything.¡± ¡°Me neither. It sucks.¡± Clarissa didn¡¯t want to sit with Ashlee, and she suspected Ashlee didn¡¯t want her sitting here either, but¡­ here they were. It was as if the high school world and its various groups of socializing teenagers were an incomprehensible maze of barriers, and these two sitting here were the laboratory rats that just weren¡¯t smart enough to find their way through. So, here they were. Stuck here together, with no way out. ¡°Hey, Ass-lee,¡± a girl¡¯s voice interrupted them. They both turned to see an intimidating tall girl with dark hair¡ªobviously one of the seniors¡ªstride down the row of tables towards them while clutching a large book against her modest chest. The older girl had a figure that was more slender than sexy, but her height, her earrings and necklace, and the way she layered a tight tee overtop a long-sleeved shirt made her appear smart, mature, and very put-together, for a high schooler. Clarissa recognized the girl as Brittney Taylor immediately. She recognized her not only because Brittney was one of the pretty, popular ones at the very top of Springton High¡­ but because like herself, Brittney was one of the few who had been served a five-day suspension over the bullying incident, just a few months ago. Everyone at Springton High knew about all of that by now, but unlike the freshman Clarissa who had her life ruined¡ªlosing her close friends despite refusing to sell them out to the school deans¡ªboth Kaylee the sophomore and Brittney as a senior seemed able to brush off the events and resume their life at school with their reputations virtually unaffected, their social circles intact. And, okay yeah¡ªI¡¯m a little bitter about it, Clarissa felt herself tense up. The only one who got off worse than me was stupid fucking Chris Thompson, and he sent Tabitha to the hospital! And, Erica? Yeah, that goes without saying, she was completely mental. Compared to THAT, I barely even did anything wrong. It was just a single stupid school binder! ¡°Thought I wasn¡¯t s¡¯posed to talk to you at school,¡± Ashlee groused in a mocking voice. ¡°Isn¡¯t that what you told me?¡± It was easy to see that while Clarissa felt a little on guard at being approached by Brittney, Ashlee¡¯s body had practically gone rigid. The girl sitting beside her had her shoulders hunched up defensively, she¡¯d subconsciously shifted over in her seat more towards Clarissa, and the backpack that had been casually hugged against herself was now in a strangling chokehold. Is¡­ Brittney much like Erica? Like, CONFRONTATIONAL? ¡°Yeah, so?¡± Brittney shrugged, opening up the book. ¡°You don¡¯t talk about me, don¡¯t say hi¡ªand if anyone asks, we¡¯re not really sisters, hah. Right? But, hey! Had to borrow somebody¡¯s yearbook just now, so that you can check on something for me. So hey, did you see¡­ this guy? At Tabitha¡¯s birthday party?¡± Clarissa surreptitiously peeked over Ashlee¡¯s shoulder as Brittney leaned in with the yearbook and tapped a finger at one of the rows of portraits spread across the page. The faces were all young, looking to be twelve or thirteen, and a quick glance up above the margin revealed the heading to be Springton Middle School Class of 1996. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Ashlee huffed. ¡°Which one? And¡ªwho cares?¡± ¡°This one, retard,¡± Brittney jabbed the face of a boy labeled Michael Summers with a painted fingernail. ¡°Maybe try pointing both your eyes at it, please? Hah. This guy, right here. Look.¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Ashlee balked at answering. ¡°Yeah? I guess. He was there. I remember him from when they were doing presents¡ªyeah, he was sitting there with us.¡± ¡°Okay, great, yeah, thank you,¡± Brittney snapped. ¡°I really appreciate it, thank you! Was that so fucking hard? God. Now, hold on one more second, pretty pretty please¡­¡± Brittney wet her fingertip and then angrily flipped through the yearbook pages, and then traced down the rows until settling on a girl¡¯s face and pointing insistently at the printed smile. ¡°Well? What about her?¡± Brittney asked with an impatient look. ¡°Was she there? At that party.¡± ¡°No?¡± Ashlee scrutinized the smiling middle school portrait of one Olivia Moreno, but shook her head. ¡°I didn¡¯t see her. But, what do you care?¡± ¡°Hah!¡± Brittney clapped the yearbook closed right in her little sister¡¯s face, with enough force that the ensuing puff of displaced air blew back Ashlee¡¯s bangs and made the girl flinch. ¡°None of your business, shitstain. But, hey, thanks~! Really appreciate it.¡± Ashlee¡­ didn¡¯t recognize Olivia, because Olivia like, put on a big BRIGHT smile for her old yearbook pictures, Clarissa realized, wondering if she should speak up. When normally, in person¡­ Olivia always looks real pissed off. She looks totally different, in real life, plus yeah, she¡¯s a couple years older now. I think her and Michael are sophomores, already¡­ ¡°What was that all about? Ashlee scoffed, and the girl turned to watch her older sister stalk off on her long legs. ¡°Psycho¡­¡± ¡°Tabitha¡­ invited Michael to her birthday party,¡± Clarissa began to try to explain in a hesitant voice. ¡°Um. I think because, Michael was the one to tackle Erica off of Tabitha, back then? At the Halloween thing. But, Michael and Olivia were dating, so¡ªso, I guess, Brittney¡¯s probably going to try to stir up some drama or make Olivia jealous or pissed off, or¡ªyou know. Set her against Tabitha. Since Olivia still likes Michael, even though they ¡®broke up.¡¯¡± It turned out to be more than she had intended volunteering all at once, and for an awkward moment Clarissa wondered if she should have just kept her mouth shut. ¡°Ugghh, it¡¯s all so stupid,¡± Ashlee scowled, shaking her head. ¡°But, serves Tabitha right, I guess? Wahhh, Michael likes Tabitha, but Olivia likes Michael, oh boo hoo hoo. Stupid ¡®popular people¡¯ made-up love triangle crap. They¡¯re all super phony, and it¡¯s all B.S. anyways. Total garbage. None of them could ever love anyone but themselves. They¡¯re all so full of it!¡± ¡°Yeah, I guess..¡± Clarissa eyed Ashlee, but decided not to say anything else. I mean, I guess Ashlee wasn¡¯t there with us for the movie part¡ªeveryone there would remember that Olivia and Michael were making out for like, the whole thing. Even I caught them kissing TWICE, and I was way over sitting on the other side of everyone! Being in the unique position to recognize all of the important details as this developing situation unfolded was thrilling, but at the same time being cut off from her old group of friends took some of the wind out of Clarissa¡¯s sails. She was all of the sudden privy to incredibly juicy gossip about what was going on, but didn¡¯t have anyone she trusted enough to easily share that with. It was an altogether tragic feeling, because she was on the edge of her seat with excitement about this¡ªit finally felt like something was poking through the dreary lethargy of her hopeless high school existence. Do I¡­ do I warn Ashlee that she basically gave Brittney bogus information, all ¡®cause she didn¡¯t recognize Olivia in the yearbook? Whatever they¡¯re trying to spread around isn¡¯t going to work, because OLIVIA WAS ACTUALLY THERE TOO, duh, Clarissa felt inexplicably torn. Ashlee doesn¡¯t even like her sister in the first place! Or, I guess¡­ do I go find Tabitha, and warn her that Brittney is fixing to stir up trouble for her? I mean, why else would they need to know just who specifically was attending her party, right? That sense of uneasiness in the pit of her stomach worsened, and Clarissa couldn¡¯t help but frown. Upon recovering from her traumatic injuries, Tabitha had again extended her the olive branch and offered her friendship, even making sure to invite Clarissa to her birthday party. The party had been strange. Clarissa didn¡¯t feel snubbed like Ashlee apparently felt, but she did feel¡­ ignored? Which she wasn¡¯t sure was fair, as obviously the birthday stuff was supposed to revolve around Tabitha¡ªnot her. Maybe IGNORED isn¡¯t quite the right word, Clarissa pondered. Uninvolved? I was there, but it wasn¡¯t like anyone pretended we were just automatically already friends. Was it on Tabitha to be making those overtures, when she was the apparent victim of Clarissa¡¯s actions in the first place? Clarissa wasn¡¯t sure that was a fair expectation to have either, she had just subconsciously expected some veneer of friendship and familiarity to fall into place, like she used to have with Madison, Leah, and Bailey. When that didn¡¯t materialize, it was easy to push her mindset more towards the one Ashlee espoused, to take it as an intentional slight. Because, what¡¯s ¡®fair¡¯ is just a bunch of random justifications for this or that, Clarissa tried to feel outraged again. It¡¯s HER fault I got suspended like that, it¡¯s because of Tabitha that I lost my friends, because of her that my entire life went down the drain. Like, yeah I stole her stupid binder, but THAT¡¯S NOT A BIG DEAL in the first place, and because of all the stupid drama around her she just seems to thrive on, everyone overreacted, and now it¡¯s like I¡¯M somehow the bad guy. Except also¡ªClarissa did remember the look of fear and loss Tabitha had that day back in October when they had swiped her binder. Madison and Leah both had Algebra there with her, and in their opinion Tabitha was just this stuck up bitch with all kinds of nasty rumors, who was too snooty to talk to anyone. Leah kept insisting that she heard someone say that even the cast on her arm was fake, that sure yeah maybe Chris pushed her and she got a normal tiny sprain, but that there was no way she¡¯d broken her entire arm like that. With everything people were saying about Tabitha back then, it seemed plausible enough. Only, Tabitha wasn¡¯t faking the pain and vulnerability at all back then. Clarissa remembered the sudden alarming flash of guilt upon seeing Tabitha choke up at realizing her binder had been stolen, and Clarissa even remembered exchanging a quick panicked glance with Madison, where they saw oh shit, we shouldn¡¯t have done that in each other¡¯s eyes. Sure, by then it was too late to undo what they¡¯d done and they needed to latch onto the narrative and insist they weren¡¯t really the ones at fault, but that brief glimpse of Tabitha¡¯s real pain did still haunt her. But, just¡ª Clarissa grit her teeth. At THE SAME TIME, I just don¡¯t care what¡¯s fair and what¡¯s not fair. I made a mistake and it hurt Tabitha, yeah okay, but that doesn¡¯t mean I deserve to lose all of my friends and have my entire life destroyed, either. How is THAT fair? Clarissa had been forced to swallow down anger and outrage yesterday when Tabitha put on her sanctimonious act and implied that Clarissa¡¯s old friends had just been using her, or having her act as their scapegoat, or that they had thrown her under the bus. So what if those had all been Clarissa¡¯s thoughts in the past month? That didn¡¯t mean Tabitha had the right to say that, and on some level Tabitha putting on some righteous act about how Tabitha would NEVER do that was super galling. I feel like I¡¯m making myself SCHIZOPHRENIC, just trying to decide which friendship to really pursue, Clarissa shot another quick look at Ashlee, sizing the girl up. It feels like Tabitha is somehow BASHING the friends I used to have because of how superficial our friendship was, and I HATE THAT. I already HATE that I couldn¡¯t stop thinking that exact same way about Maddie and Leah and BB the past few months! Because that made me feel like shit! About EVERYTHING! Even if she IS right about them, SO WHAT? They¡¯re my friends! It makes me feel like I¡¯m more with Ashlee on this, and Tabitha is just a big fake who gets off on acting sanctimonious about everything, that she¡¯s really just snubbing everyone. Except, at the same time, Tabitha¡¯s pretty much got a point, doesn¡¯t she? Because my so-called friends DID all bail on me the moment things got rough and being my friend wasn¡¯t convenient anymore. What I did back then WAS still kinda not okay. Like yeah, maybe knicking just a stupid binder by itself isn¡¯t a big deal, but in that particular case it seemed like it was the last straw on the camel¡¯s back for her, with everything else she was going through back then¡ªshe did withdraw from school the day I stole her binder. ¡°Ughh,¡± Clarissa shifted in her seat, uncomfortable in her own skin. ¡°...You okay?¡± Ashlee gave her a suspicious look. It wasn¡¯t a look of concern, and Clarissa had to remind herself that right now, her and Ashlee still weren¡¯t actually friends. Ashlee was subtly shrinking back and regarding her with wariness, as if she expected the next words out of Clarissa¡¯s mouth to be remarks about the way her sister put her down, or that Clarissa was also going to poke fun at her and belittle her, or maybe that Clarissa was going to start showing support for Tabitha, and argue with Ashlee about it. ¡°I, I uh¡­¡± Clarissa said. Ashlee REALLY needs a friend right now, Tabitha had told her yesterday. Those words rang painfully true, because while Clarissa felt pretty desperate for friendship, in her eyes Ashlee had gone almost feral from the constant and unceasing cruelties she seemed to face. Tabitha¡¯s compassionate take on the situation with Ashlee, even when Tabitha should have been hostile towards the girl made Clarissa lean towards siding with Tabitha. Side with Tabitha, by choosing to be friends with Ashlee, when Ashlee obviously needed a friend. Which doesn¡¯t make any sense, because then I¡¯m going to start thinking Tabitha¡¯s compassion is just a bullshit self-righteous act she puts on to look good, because I¡¯m already maybe halfway thinking that, and Ashlee ACTUALLY completely believes that to be the case. And, as Ashlee¡¯s friend I¡¯m going to try to be siding with her on that. Right? But, also like¡ªI pity Ashlee for the way she wound up, but I¡¯m also on edge around her, because there ISN¡¯T any concern or care for me in her eyes when she looks at me. ¡°I¡­ I think I¡¯m going to throw up?¡± Clarissa admitted with a nervous laugh. The bell for first period began to intone over the school cafeteria¡¯s speakers, and everyone started to rise out of their seats. 57, The girls locker room. ¡°Hey, do you know Matt Haynes?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°He¡¯s uh¡ªhe¡¯s the other, other Matthew. Apparently, he has a crush on you.¡± ¡°Uhh,¡± Tabitha froze in the action of setting her bookbag on the cold table of the quad. ¡°Matt¡­?¡± ¡°Haynes,¡± Alicia repeated, sizing up Tabitha¡¯s expression with a grin as if to determine whether or not Tabitha was faking her ignorance. ¡°How do you know him?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think I do?¡± Tabitha gave Alicia a puzzled smile. ¡°I just know, um, the only Matthew I know is¡­ Matthew¡­¡± To her embarrassment, Tabitha¡¯s mind momentarily blanked on the last name of the Matthew she knew. For a moment she wanted to identify him as Casey¡¯s Matthew, but that didn¡¯t seem accurate. Those two were in a relationship, but she couldn¡¯t speak on how close it was, and Matthew didn¡¯t belong to Casey, per se. When she thought about describing him as Mrs. William¡¯s son, she thought that was awkward, because Alicia wasn¡¯t anywhere near as close to Mrs. Williams as she was, and might not know who she was talking about¡ªbut that made her realize that obviously the direct descending relation to Mrs. Williams also made Matthew¡¯s last name Williams. Obviously! ¡°Williams!¡± Tabitha blurted out. ¡°Ugh! Sorry, it¡¯s early¡ªand I¡¯ve been trying to remember so many people¡¯s names that it¡¯s making my head spin.¡± ¡°Right, right,¡± Alicia appeared amused. ¡°Well, there¡¯s a bunch of Matthews all at Springton High¡ªI know of Matt Gilbert, Matt Haynes, and Matt Williams. Matthew. But, rumor is, is that Matt Haynes is interested in you.¡± ¡°So¡ª¡± Tabitha finally settled her bookbag on the table and clambered a leg over the seat so that she could drop down. ¡°Who is he? Have I met him?¡± ¡°You tell me!¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Have you had any classes with a Matt Haynes?¡± ¡°Uhh¡ªI dunno?¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°You mean back from first semester, or just from yesterday with my new classes? Either way¡­ I don¡¯t know? Not that I remember.¡± ¡°Ooh, ouch,¡± Alicia teased. ¡°You¡¯re the apple of his eye, and yet you don¡¯t even know he exists! Brutal, Tabs.¡± ¡°No, I mean¡ªhow can he like me, if he doesn¡¯t even know me?¡± Tabitha countered. ¡°I don¡¯t imagine we¡¯ve spoken to each other? Or, at least, I don¡¯t think a Matthew Haynes has ever introduced himself to me. I would remember¡ªbecause he has the same name as Matthew. Matthew Williams, I mean.¡± ¡°Hmmm,¡± Alicia narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. ¡°Yeah, you got me. I dunno. Here¡¯s Elena, let¡¯s ask her.¡± Tabitha turned to see Elena on approach to them, weaving her way through the morning crowds with her arms crossed. The camouflage army jacket from yesterday was decorated with additional safety pins today, and the bits of metal embedded throughout evoked the imagery of punkish facial piercings. It made Tabitha wonder if her friend would go that route and start getting those eyebrow ones, or maybe a nose ring. Seeming to sense Tabitha was looking at her strangely, Elena arched an eyebrow as she strode up to them. ¡°What?¡± Elena asked, sounding grumpy. ¡°Do you know Matt Haynes?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°He has a crush on Tabitha.¡± ¡°I know of him, I don¡¯t really know him,¡± Elena answered, climbing up to sit on the table, with her feet resting on one of the seats. It somehow seemed like a bold and shocking move, and when Tabitha quickly glanced around the back quad to see if that would get Elena in trouble, she only found one other guy who dared to sit up on a table, way across towards the band room kids. It seemed like something the wandering dean might scold them for, but perhaps the dean only kept an eye on the quad during lunch, because Tabitha couldn¡¯t spot her anywhere now. Tabitha wondered if breaking convention and sitting on top of the table was a rebellious cool kid thing, and was sorely tempted to climb up and join her friend. ¡°You know of him, meaning, what exactly?¡± Alicia pressed for details. ¡°Him and um, Craig something,¡± Elena frowned, rubbing sleep out of her eyes with her sleeve as she tried to remember. ¡°They were fighting with Chris Thompson, back that day Chris pushed Tabitha. Like, right after Chris pushed her. Didn¡¯t hear about it until way later afterwards, but. I guess they got called up to the office about it, and got a warning? Neither of them got a suspension.¡± ¡°Craig Myers?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Maybe?¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t know him. I had Matt Haynes in one of my classes like, years ago back in Laurel Middle. But, we didn¡¯t talk or anything. I just knew of him, I didn¡¯t really know him.¡± ¡°So he went to your same middle school with you guys!¡± Alicia smacked the tabletop as if having an aha moment. ¡°He probably knows Tabs from there?¡± ¡°I¡­ doubt it,¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°Back then, to them I was just Tubby Tabby. No one cared.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ basically,¡± Elena nodded in agreement before realizing that doing so made Alicia scowl at her. ¡°What? It¡¯s the truth, sorry. The only one I ever remember hanging out with Tabby back then was Ashlee Taylor.¡± ¡°Oof, Ashlee,¡± Tabitha remembered. ¡°I need to talk with her sometime today. Guess I should find her at lunch. First bell¡¯s about to ring.¡± ¡°Forget about Ashlee¡ªwhat about Matthew Haynes?!¡± Alicia protested. ¡°Sounds to me like he was your knight in shining armor, back then when Chris pushed you. Right?¡± ¡°Ehh,¡± Elena huffed. ¡°That might be a stretch. Like, I heard him and Craig squared up against Chris back then, but it wasn¡¯t like a knock-down brawl, or anything. Barely a real fight. From what Candace said, they were just shoving at each other and shouting, basically.¡± ¡°If anyone¡¯s my knight in shining armor, it¡¯d be Michael, right?¡± Tabitha quirked her lip. ¡°Since he¡¯s the one who tackled Erica off of me at the party. Saved my life. He¡¯s in my sixth period class, he has art with me. We don¡¯t have the same table, though.¡± ¡°Nice,¡± Alicia nodded. ¡°I have Olivia in one of my classes. History. It¡¯s the same, she sits across the way and we can¡¯t really talk besides saying ¡®what¡¯s up¡¯ right when we get into class. She¡¯s cool. Her and Michael seem cool.¡± ¡°Vanessa was asking about you,¡± Elena mentioned. ¡°So, I guess she has a class with you now?¡± ¡°Two, actually,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°My first and last periods of the day. She seems¡­ alright?¡± ¡°She¡¯s alright,¡± Elena shrugged. Once again Tabitha was struck by the sheer number of names and faces she had to try to remember when she was making efforts to be social and maybe someday popular. Their small town high school didn¡¯t even have a huge student body, and yet already she was feeling overwhelmed trying to track everyone and all of the various associations between them. People¡¯s names, what grade they were in, what individual classes one had, and with whom, which clique or group they hewed towards, who they liked. The loner life of hiding out in the school library once again called to Tabitha, because she had no clue how she was going to keep up with everything that was going on without taking extensive notes. Is it weird that I might actually have to start studying for the NON-ACADEMIC aspects of the whole school life thing?! Cram sessions before I meet up with a whole big group? Or, maybe I could organize everyone into spreadsheets? Hah, does Excel exist, back in ninety-nine? How do the actual real popular kids manage to track everything?! ¡°Lame that we don¡¯t have any classes together,¡± Alicia groaned. ¡°We should like¡ªmatch up our schedules, see if some of us can transfer or switch classes or something. You can do that, right? Oh, and¡ªTabitha! I almost forgot, but I watched Trigun last night!¡± ¡°How was it?¡± Tabitha was thrilled to see Alicia liked her Christmas present. ¡°Uhh, it was only friggin¡¯ awesome!¡± Alicia bounced in her seat. ¡°Ohmigod, I love it. Vash. One minute he¡¯s this stone cold badass, and then the next, he¡¯s just this total doofball! It totally got me with that, I was laughing my ass off! And, it¡¯s so well animated! Like, the very first episode, with everyone¡¯s bullets just demolishing that entire bar? I rewound it and watched that again and again. Like, holy crap.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve actually only seen the other Trigun!¡± Tabitha admitted, embarrassed. ¡°Way on years later, there¡¯s a CGI one, it¡¯s all computer animated. I actually haven¡¯t seen the original hand-drawn animated one! I knew it would be good, though. Vash is great!¡± ¡°Whoa,¡± Alicia blinked. ¡°They make a computer animated Trigun? So, I guess it¡¯s kinda like Reboot? Or, Beast Wars?¡± ¡°Umm¡­¡± Tabitha searched her memory, but she¡¯d never heard of those two before. ¡°Maybe? If¡ª¡± Her sentence was interrupted by the bmmm bmmm bmmm bmmm tones of the bell for first period echoing out across the quad from the school speakers, and Tabitha gave Alicia a wry smile. That was another thing she would need to adjust to¡ªthe time before first class wasn¡¯t anywhere near as long as their lunch period, but because their little group tended to sit in the same spot, she had been getting comfortable as if they had an entire lunch period to chat. ¡°There we go again,¡± Alicia stood up with a groan. ¡°Catch you guys at lunch. Tabs, you bring your Gameboy today? Pokemon?¡± ¡°I, uh¡ªno,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Tomorrow, maybe?¡± ¡°Alright, fine,¡± Alicia waved. ¡°Later!¡± ¡°Later, guys,¡± Elena dropped down heavily from the tabletop.
Bobby was waiting expectantly by the bleachers for Tabitha to arrive for Personal Fitness, and when he made a beeline to come greet her she became aware of several of the other girls she¡¯d spoken to yesterday standing by with stiff postures. Watching them, as if unsure to approach them now. ¡°Tabby! Hey, g¡¯mornin¡¯,¡± Bobby seemed thrilled to see her. ¡°Yer lookin¡¯ mighty fine this mornin¡¯, li¡¯l lady.¡± ¡°Dammit, Bobby,¡± Tabitha quoted in her best approximation of a Hank Hill voice. Vanessa wasn¡¯t here yet for the girls here to gather around, and from some of the crossed arms and exchanged glances, Bobby¡¯s arrival had disrupted some unspoken rule of balance. Embarrassed at being so on the spot¡ªand mortified at immediately being made to remember last night¡¯s dream where she¡¯d been planning to kiss Bobby¡ªTabitha gave everyone an apologetic smile and waved the girls over. ¡°Guys, this is Bobby,¡± Tabitha gave awkward introductions. ¡°He¡¯s¡­ I guess you¡¯d kinda say he¡¯s like a class clown? Bobby, this is Marisa, and¡ª¡± ¡°Class clown?!¡± Bobby protested. ¡°Hold up, hold up¡ª¡± ¡°Hi,¡± Marisa gave Bobby a skeptical look. ¡°Grace,¡± The girl from yesterday with thick-rimmed glasses supplied. ¡°Hey.¡± ¡°Tiffany,¡± The heavyset friend joined in with a hesitant little wave. ¡°Hi.¡± I¡­ never learned their names yesterday, did I? Tabitha tried not to blush. Marisa. Grace. Tiffany. Okay, with Vanessa too, we have our little morning group. Coach Baylor moved through roll call at speed today now that she didn¡¯t have to go through the do you want a locker room locker spiel with every single student, although Tabitha did notice half the girls here handed in money for a locker, while just about none of the guys did. To Tabitha¡¯s dismay, after each individual was called up for roll, they were sent to jog around the track. Bobby took off, and then Marisa, followed shortly after by Grace and Tiffany. Everyone except me, because my stupid note says I sit out from physical activity, Tabitha thought. ...Great. Vanessa arrived along with a few latecomer stragglers and greeted Tabitha with wave, but was called up, warned about tardiness, and then sent packing right away to jog around the track. There, Tabitha watched the shorter girl hurried to catch up to Grace and Tiffany so that she wouldn¡¯t be making loops alone. Everyone¡¯s backpacks and a few jackets were laid out along the very first row of the bleachers, where Tabitha sat by herself while Coach Baylor paced back and forth with a slight limp, ready to blow her whistle at anyone goofing off. ¡°I could um, I could probably speed walk?¡± Tabitha spoke up, feeling terribly left out. ¡°So long as it¡¯s not actual jogging, it¡¯s probably fine?¡± ¡°Sorry, Tabitha hon,¡± Coach Baylor shook her head in clear refusal, and then used her clipboard to tap her own knee. ¡°Trust me, I know exactly how you feel.¡± ¡°Right, sorry,¡± Tabitha grimaced. It was hard to complain about her situation when she would¡ªhopefully¡ªbe allowed to run again just later on this week, while Coach Baylor here probably wasn¡¯t going to be jogging ever again. The sobering reality of how injury could close the book on athletics for good put a damper on Tabitha¡¯s mood, and although she did want to get to know Coach Baylor better now with this opportunity, it took her several long minutes of watching all of the scattered figures of the students slowly revolve their way around the track to find the words she wanted to say. ¡°Uh, if it¡¯s alright to ask,¡± Tabitha cleared her throat. ¡°What did you mean yesterday, with¡ªwith not wanting me to have anything to do with Coach Cooke?¡±
Because he¡¯s a pigheaded asshole with shit-for-brains. Coach Baylor¡¯s shoulders drooped slightly because she couldn¡¯t just say that to a student, and she tilted her head back to release a long sigh that turned to vapor in the cold air. When she turned to where Tabitha was sitting on the first row of the bleachers, it felt as though she was wearing the familiar pensive look of someone deliberating how best to break bad news to someone. It was hard not to notice Tabitha beginning to look alarmed, because the unexpected complexity that was making this topic so difficult to broach was beginning to fill even Coach Baylor with dread. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t have said anything at all. No¡ªno, I¡¯m glad I did. What if Tabitha had just blundered over towards track tryouts without knowing about any of this? ¡°I¡¯m¡­ not sure how best to explain this,¡± Coach Baylor admitted, stealing a glance back towards her class running around the track. ¡°How much do you know about the Kentucky academic situation?¡± ¡°The academic situation?¡± Tabitha appeared puzzled by the question. ¡°For Kentucky? I, um. I think I¡¯m very aware?¡± ¡°Oh, you do?¡± Coach Baylor tried not to sound too amused. ¡°Then¡ªlet¡¯s see. How would you describe it?¡± ¡°Kentucky education is in a state of crisis,¡± Tabitha explained with a strange air of calm. ¡°Based on percentage of residents who go on to receive a bachelor¡¯s degree, we are one of the least educated states in the country. We¡¯re academically ranked either forty-fifth or forty-ninth out of the fifty states, erm, depending on which statistical sampling you hew towards. Either way, they all agree that the situation is severe. If I remember correctly, it was determined that in Kentucky ¡®forty percent of working-age adults have low literacy skills, which are likely to impede their advancement.¡¯ It may be anecdotal, but I¡¯ve observed this in my own life¡ªmy father reads at perhaps a fourth or fifth grade level.¡± Stunned, Coach Baylor could only stare at the young girl sitting on the long bleacher bench beside the haphazard row of backpacks and jackets. For a long moment she even forgot the students making the long circuit around the track behind her, even though groups of the huffing and puffing teens were beginning to pass by them now. It was one thing to hear the other teachers in staff meetings praise this Tabitha Moore as gifted¡ªand another thing entirely to witness firsthand how monstrous this girl really was. ¡°You¡¯re in advanced placement English, right now?¡± Coach Baylor recalled. ¡°Is¡­ all of that something that maybe Mrs. Albertson went over with your class?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Tabitha answered with a bitter smile. ¡°Though I certainly don¡¯t blame the faculty for¡­ glossing over those facts. Certain hard truths, and the um, the reality of the situation is hard to digest¡ªI can see you not wanting to poison everyone¡¯s perception with pessimism. To look at the larger state of things and feel like your uh, your individual day to day academic achievements are undermined. No one enjoys being last place. It makes you want to give up, to not bother trying at all.¡± ¡°Poison perception with pessimism,¡± Coach Baylor repeated. ¡°Where did you hear that from? That phrasing. It¡¯s clever.¡± ¡°Oh, um,¡± The redhead teen blushed as if she had just been asked to prom by her beau. ¡°Nowhere, really? It¡¯s just. You know, alliteration. It¡¯s a habit, or um, a guilty pleasure, or¡­ yeah. I want to call myself an aspiring author, but I¡¯m not quite there yet. Before that, I thought I wanted to teach¡ªso. Yeah.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a very intelligent girl,¡± Coach Baylor remarked, sizing Tabitha up and still not feeling like she¡¯d grasped her measure. ¡°You would make an excellent teacher.¡± ¡°Sadly not,¡± Tabitha shook her head with a strange, out of place wistful look. A been there, done that expression that didn¡¯t belong on a fourteen year old girl. One who was obviously not old enough to be as informed about the abysmal state of Kentucky education as she seemed to be. ¡°Did someone tell you that you wouldn¡¯t make a good teacher? Coach Baylor asked in a calm voice, propping her clipboard up against her hip. ¡°Or, well, discourage you from that?¡± Because if so¡­ I want their name and number. ¡°No, I did,¡± Tabitha gave her an apologetic shrug. ¡°I¡­ decided it for myself. I think I realized that my own love of learning doesn¡¯t communicate well to those who simply don¡¯t love learning. It¡¯s difficult for me to understand why someone wouldn¡¯t have a passion for reading, or an interest in writing¡ªso, how then could I teach them? ¡°It¡¯s naive to think I can just share my fascination and enthusiasm for a subject to those who are disinterested, apathetic, or even averse to learning about that subject, and um. And the reality is, that I just don¡¯t have the interpersonal skills, or social ability, or ah, I guess charisma to build that connection with others out of nothing. To instill that love of learning in a whole class of people. Also, and uh. The pay is dogshit.¡± Coach Baylor was so engrossed in the girl¡¯s oddly captivating explanation that the punchline at the end caught her completely unprepared¡ªdespite every effort to retain her composure, she felt a wide smile appear, and a laugh slipped out. She wanted to ingrain this strange soliloquy into her memory now, because after school hours, when she could cuddle up with her boyfriend and retell this¡ªbeer in hand¡ªthis was going to have her doubling over with laughter. Oh, honey. Here I thought that asshole coach Cooke was just being petty¡ªno, he¡¯s really just going to despise you. ¡°Hah, well,¡± Coach Baylor tried to rein her expression, but the smile was stubborn and kept worming back into place. ¡°I hate to say it, but you may be right.¡± Even with the constant pain of being up and about on her bad knee all day, Coach Baylor had always made a point to remain on her feet while instructing students who were exercising. When she found herself losing track of her class which was running laps, to instead walk over and sit down on the battered old bleacher bench with the one student who wasn¡¯t participating today, Coach Baylor surprised even herself. ¡°I won¡¯t speak ill of other teachers, because that¡¯s not professional,¡± Coach Baylor found herself confiding. ¡°But, let¡¯s just say while some of us are fighting the good fight, there are plenty who are either indifferent or too jaded to care. Then, you also have a tiny tiny few, a little minority of teachers, who are part of the problem.¡± ¡°I¡­¡± Tabitha let out a small laugh. ¡°I want to say that I think I understand your meaning¡ªbut then also, I really just don¡¯t. I thought perhaps that there was maybe some sort of grudge Coach Cooke had against me, because he¡¯s in charge of Springton Football, and that incident with me cost him his star running back. But, Coach Cooke shouldn¡¯t be part of the problem.¡± Oh? ¡°He¡¯s as much involved in the academic side of school here as he is athletics,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Isn¡¯t he? I know he also teaches English, and I think he also moonlights over in the science building, doesn¡¯t he? I know someone mentioned they had Cooke for chemistry. He shouldn¡¯t be this, this one-dimensional character, who¡¯s just being small-minded or ah, meatheaded about what happened.¡± Once again though, even after already raising her estimation of this unassuming teen up several notches, Coach Baylor still found herself feeling a little speechless. Maybe it wasn¡¯t just that this Tabitha girl understood way more than she let on¡ªmaybe it was that not enough people were sitting down with her to really ask how much Tabitha understood. To listen. ¡°Well,¡± Coach Baylor swallowed back as much of her amusement as she could. ¡°I uh, again, I hate to say it like this, but. You may be attributing a bit more depth of character to him than he deserves? He might describe himself as both ¡®warrior and scholar,¡¯ but I think the reality is that¡­ academically, Coach Cooke teaches many different remedial academic classes, and only out of a kind of¡­ self interest.¡± Tabitha regarded her with wide eyes, completely invested in her words, and Coach Baylor felt a pang of guilt, because she¡¯d already said more than she ever should have. ¡°For his players to play, to compete, to meet athletic scholarship requirements,¡± Coach Baylor struggled with a kosher way to phrase what she wasn¡¯t allowed to say. ¡°His players then have to reach certain academic standards. All of his boys meet those standards.¡± Whether they actually do or not. ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha seemed to understand anyways with a small wince. ¡°I guess that makes more sense. I¡ªin my head, I think I was overcomplicating it. It does makes sense.¡± ¡°I wish I could say that it does,¡± Coach Baylor wanted to let out another laugh, but she held it in. ¡°The fact of the matter is¡ªCoach Cooke does produce students with outstanding athletic performance, his numbers look good, and he¡­ yeah, the school here is willing to give him a lot of leeway with how he runs his courses, and he was used to getting his way with things.¡± ¡°I bet,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°So¡­ in the end, it really was just about the Chris Thompson thing?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a number of things,¡± Coach Baylor tried to be diplomatic. ¡°From what I understand, your whole case was a very¡­ special situation, and Coach Cooke wasn¡¯t used to getting his toes stepped on there, and¡ªyou know. General politics between some different teachers with some different conflicting views, when we all start butting heads over some issue. Ordeals being blown out of proportion.¡± Cooke¡¯s attitude towards our more ¡®academically inclined¡¯ students was already downright appalling for a teacher, and in a sane world, he would have been fired the moment he voiced any one of his thoughts on all of this. Thing is¡ªwe don¡¯t live in a sane world or one that makes sense. Coach Baylor had thought herself very neutral on this whole controversial ¡®Tabitha¡¯ subject before today. After meeting the girl for herself and talking with her however, she suspected she had dropped completely out of the fence-sitting camp and would be spending lunch today instead gossiping with Mr. Peterson and some of the English teachers. After all, circumstances were completely different now that Tabitha was one of her girls, and if Coach Cooke wanted to be contentious about it¡ª Well, then he can go fuck himself. I don¡¯t care. I¡¯m genuinely mad about all the things he¡¯s said about her, now. ¡°I see,¡± Tabitha nodded. Coach Baylor wasn¡¯t sure why she would ever expect a fourteen year old to understand workplace drama just like that, but for some reason, she just did. Something deep in her gut told her that Tabitha did understand, that she would get it. She¡¯d mentally separated Tabitha as being a little divergent from the general student populace because she was in AP classes¡ªadvanced placement for college credits being on a national standard that was pretty far removed from ¡®normal¡¯ Kentucky classwork. But no, Tabitha is special even among them, Coach Baylor decided. I¡¯m absolutely not letting her go¡ªshe¡¯s going places, and we need her. ¡°I¡¯m sure that Coach Cooke would still be very¡­ professional and treat you the way you deserve if you choose to join the track team,¡± Coach Baylor said with a wry smile and subtle amount of skepticism. ¡°But, I¡¯d really like you to consider cheer instead, if you had to choose between the two. You were interested in cheer team?¡± ¡°Um, yes¡ªsomewhat?¡± Tabitha looked abashed. ¡°It was a bit of a spur of the moment decision, as um, as I don¡¯t think I would have considered it, normally. My friend Elena said she¡¯ll be trying out, and I want to do it with her¡ªto support her in any way that I can.¡± ¡°Elena Seelbaugh?¡± Coach Baylor almost did a spit-take. The girl who went ¡®dark and weird?¡¯ The one all of my girls unanimously told me in no uncertain terms is NOT cut out for varsity cheerleading? That this Elena girl was just sowing discord, trying to be intentionally disruptive, and would absolutely NOT be a team player? Everyone seemed to be in complete agreement on that¡ªI remember everyone nodding their heads and voicing their collective affirmation to deny Elena Seelbaugh from being part of the team?! ¡°Is that, um, is that not a good reason?¡± Tabitha sounded unsure, now. The slender teen seemed to search Coach Baylor¡¯s conflicted expression, and so the coach schooled her features and made a rapid series of decisions. After all, don¡¯t I want to prove that I¡¯m nothing like that asshole Cooke? Teamwork IS important among my girls, but that never meant I wasn¡¯t going to give anyone honestly trying out their fair shake. Maybe I¡¯ll just need to pull a couple of them aside and talk to them about this Elena thing, see if maybe they were considering things wrong. Making assumptions about her, or had the wrong first read on things. It wouldn¡¯t be the first time. ¡°Tabitha¡ªI¡¯m going to make sure you and Elena have your fair shot at try-outs.¡±
Despite having taken the Personal Fitness course in her previous life during a different grade and instead with Coach Cooke, Tabitha didn¡¯t remember much in the way of exercises or activities, and she could barely recall the locker rooms at all. They may have been introduced to them in the first few days of a semester, but she certainly hadn¡¯t revisited them after that¡ªCoach Cooke¡¯s version of the class was very hands off from what she remembered, with them either sitting in his classroom over by the quad doing ¡®self study¡¯ with barely any supervision, or them walking around the track at their own pace¡ªagain, with barely any supervision. It was just a class for most kids to socialize, Tabitha recalled. I just kept to myself and read books in the corner, with some of the other quiet girls. I may not remember much, but I DO remember the final exam for that class, because not only was it an open book exam¡ªwe could work in groups. It would honestly be bizarre if anyone ever failed Cooke¡¯s Personal Fitness class. The beautiful Coach Baylor took things much more seriously, and after her class had warmed up doing laps around the field, she organized the students into three rows. There, everyone except for Tabitha were to do jumping jacks, squats, sit-ups, and finally push-ups. The first two exercises went off without a hitch, and Tabitha watched with a wry smile as everyone exchanged amused and exasperated looks. Then came sit-ups, and everything went into a downward spiral from there. The boys fared okay managing the prescribed ten sit-ups with just some minor corrections to bad form¡ªthe girls on the other hand all seemed to have their own ideas, and there were very few sit-ups executed that Tabitha would call an actual sit-up. Marisa was struggling mightily to sit back up and appeared to be straining her neck until Coach Baylor noticed her, Tiffany hugged her arms across her chest and tried to squirm back and forth to get up, several other girls were clearly doing crunches. Vanessa only made performative attempts at sit-ups when she thought attention was turned her way, and dropped pretense to simply sit and watch everyone else the moment Coach Baylor was looking elsewhere. Of the girls Tabitha was on a first-name basis with here only Grace did ten correct sit-ups, rested back on her hands in embarrassment at having finished before everyone else, and then even wound up doing five more just so that she didn¡¯t seem to be the odd one out doing nothing. Well. This is¡­ a shameful display, Tabitha wanted to cover her face. Want to go and show off SO BAD. Ugh. On the other hand though, I really haven¡¯t kept up with much of anything in months, and I wouldn¡¯t manage my best. Still, though. SO FRUSTRATING! Push-ups went even worse, and here the boys struggled as well. Bobby did his ten push-ups and then looked up to see if Tabitha was watching¡ªshe absolutely was¡ªand he flashed her a huge grin when she smiled and looked away. Two of the other boys kept going after ten, loudly counting upwards against one another in clear competition, while the rest of the guys seemed to flag and falter right around the seventh push up. There, they would stop and breathe, laugh, look around and banter, perhaps make attempts at finishing the set that saw them teetering on shaky arms or collapsing onto their chests. The girl¡¯s push-ups went so badly that Tabitha almost couldn¡¯t bear to watch, with Grace doing ten¡­ and then with less than ten completed through the combined efforts of every other girl. An alarming amount of them couldn¡¯t even finish one, and Tabitha watched with a mortified grimace as scowling and red-faced freshman girls tried and failed to push themselves back up off the ground and back into ready position. Coach Baylor walked amongst them and tried to bolster spirits with calls of encouragement, but no amount of words were going to suddenly give the students the strength to carry on. That was¡ªthat was just atrocious, Tabitha found herself in honest disbelief. I guess I thought they would have difficulty or yeah maybe really struggle, but for so many to not manage ten? To not manage more than ONE?! I remember when I first started my exercises after transmigrating to the past they were really kicking my ass, but even with me being fat I could still do A COUPLE. Perhaps worse yet, Tabitha now felt like her budding new friendships were under threat. Because, as soon as she had doctor¡¯s go-ahead to work out again, she was going to be performing at a standard so much higher than the rest of her peers. She had imagined that doing her best would help her bond with the group. Now, it looked like the only one who might keep up with her was Grace¡ªTabitha might come off as a show-off or a try-hard.. Should I uh, hold back some? To fit in? Ughhh. Like, at first I wanted to really show off, but looking at the state of things now¡­ doing my best might actually hurt some feelings or be some kind of social suicide? I didn¡¯t think the average level of fitness for my cohort was THIS LOW. But, as it turned out Coach Baylor had saved the very best for last, and afterwards the class of huffing and wheezing kids loitered around in a wide crescent and watched as people were called up two at a time to a pair of pull-up bars off to the side of the track. There, only the two bravado buddies who had been competing in push-ups earlier did well, with one of them dropping down after an easy ten, while the other guy¡ª¡®Tom¡¯ apparently, from the boyish chant that started¡ªappeared to be able to keep doing pull-ups indefinitely with little-to-no exertion. The baseline for the rest of the boys was right around three, with some not even managing that. Three and a half, Bobby, sorry, Tabitha put on a wince. Good try! But that was DEFINITELY not four. Once again Grace was the top performer for the girls, managing three, while two other girls managed to pull themselves up a single time. None of the other girls managed one, and for all that she seemed to be the de facto leader of the girls socially, Vanessa did the worst¡ªneeding help to get up to the bar, and then failing to even hang there for more than a few moments. As one of the exercises Tabitha hadn¡¯t had the opportunity to do in the months previous when she was losing weight, this one had interested her the most. Seeing almost all of the girls in her class lack the upper body strength to pull themselves up was more than a little galling. Cool your tits, Tabitha, Tabitha told herself, trying not to grit her teeth. I wouldn¡¯t be able to do a single one, either. Not for at least a month while whatever my remaining arm strength is will be so¡­ lopsided. As for how many I WOULD have been able to do, if not for the break and the fracture¡ªI can really only guess. I want to say more than five, but I¡¯m not sure if I¡¯d be able to hit ten. Feel like I have a solid grasp of what I was capable of¡ªsomewhere between five and ten. Maybe. ¡°Alright! Great job everyone, catch your breath,¡± Coach Baylor called, striding back over towards Tabitha while making little notes on her clipboard. ¡°Catch your breath. Water fountain¡¯s right there on the side of the bleachers.¡± ¡°Is it¡ªis it always this bad?¡± Tabitha asked in a whisper. ¡°Hah,¡± Coach Baylor shook her head. ¡°Believe it or not, I¡¯ve seen worse.¡± ¡°...Really?!¡± Tabitha felt a little shocked. It¡¯s not just our academics that are in total crisis?! ¡°Two or three of the boys were sandbagging,¡± Coach Baylor remarked as she checked back down the numbers she¡¯d marked beside the list of names. ¡°Started seeing it last year¡ªthey hear from their friends about how I grade everyone, and just don¡¯t try their best for the first half of the semester, so that later it looks like they¡¯ve put in work and improved. I¡¯m not blind though, I can tell¡ªI just pencil in question marks beside their numbers.¡± ¡°Um, and the girls?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Grace did well,¡± Coach Baylor chuckled. ¡°Maybe a few of the others were afraid of putting in full effort here in front of the class like this? Everyone will improve. Like I¡¯ve said¡ªI have seen worse.¡± ¡°Still, just¡­¡± Tabitha didn¡¯t know how to put her frustration into words. ¡°I really could have done sit-ups with everyone, at least.¡± ¡°Sorry, Tabitha,¡± Coach Baylor shook her head. ¡°Not after a surgery, not ¡®til we have the go ahead. You¡¯re in a recovery period right now, and you¡¯d be surprised how straining even some simple things can be on your system while you¡¯re supposed to be in recovery.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°Okay? So¡ªyou will not go home tonight and have the bright idea to see if you can do a sit-up or two on your own. I¡¯m not even kidding, I¡¯m being very serious. Look at me. I¡¯m willing to work with you to get you back on your feet and exercising again, but you do not want to blow it and hurt your recovery because of a moment of impatience. Am I clear?¡± ¡°Crystal clear,¡± Tabitha answered with a wince. ¡°Sorry, yeah. That would be stupid¡ªI wasn¡¯t even considering it.¡± ¡°Yes, you were,¡± Coach Baylor said. ¡°I mean, just a little,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°It was an intrusive thought! I wasn¡¯t going to act on it.¡± ¡°Good,¡± Coach Baylor nodded. ¡°I think everyone¡¯s already pooped with just that, so you can go ahead and join your friends there, again.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªthank you,¡± Tabitha flashed her a smile. ¡°Alright, listen up everybody!¡± Coach Baylor called out to the class. ¡°Quiet down, please. You all did great, but there¡¯s also a lot of room for improvement¡ªand that¡¯s what we¡¯re going to do over the semester. Everyone go ahead and take a breather, and in the next ten minutes or so Coach Cooke will be by with his class, and then we¡¯ll all head over to go over the locker rooms together.¡± There was a bit of trepidation at hearing that she was going to run into Coach Cooke so soon, but Tabitha pushed the thought aside and skirted her way around the kids milling about to reach her friends. It was cold out but everyone was sweaty from jogging and basic exercise, and as she passed some of the teenagers by she received a few strange looks from people. ¡°Hey, wait a second¡ª¡± An unfamiliar girl made a face. ¡°How come she didn¡¯t have to do anything?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not allowed to do anything physical, after recovering from surgery,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I have a doctor¡¯s note.¡± ¡°What, liposuction?¡± The girl scoffed. ¡°As if you¡ª¡± ¡°Jesus Christ, Amanda, chill,¡± Vanessa warned, stalking her way forward through the crowd. ¡°Why do you always have to be up in everyone¡¯s business?¡± ¡°Yeah, well why don¡¯t you let her talk?¡± Amanda gave Tabitha a provoking smile. ¡°So, was it liposuction?¡± Seriously? SERIOUSLY? The liposuction thing, again? I thought we put that one to rest forever ago, Tabitha felt a vein in her temple throb at remembering how she had lifted up her shirt to show Carrie that there were no tummy scars from getting lipo. Is the process of actually starting to climb up the social ladder just going to be a constant montage of dealing with old rumors, over and over and over again? ¡°No, it wasn¡¯t liposuction,¡± Tabitha said, putting on her most polite face. ¡°Someone tried to murder me. With a baseball bat. Bleeding started up in my brain, and they had to open up my skull and reduce the build up with an endoscopic ventriculostomy. For some silly reason, they don¡¯t want me running around or being too active, until they can take a look and confirm how far along my recovery is.¡± ¡°Plus, Amanda¡ªher hand¡¯s still in a cast, too, durr durr,¡± Vanessa sneered. ¡°You expect her to do what, push-ups with one hand? To go grab the bar and do pull-ups, with one hand? Durr hurr hurr. Give the girl a friggin¡¯ break.¡± ¡°Yeah, ease up on her Amanda,¡± Bobby scoffed. ¡°Give ¡®er a friggin¡¯ break.¡± ¡°Shut up, Bobby,¡± Vanessa fumed. ¡°Creep. You can¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, it¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha held up her hands. ¡°Uh¡ªAmanda, was it? I¡¯m sure you may have heard some wild stories about me, but, chances are¡ªthey¡¯re not true. Some sophomores with a personal grudge told Chris Thompson that I was talking bad about him¡ªbut, I wasn¡¯t, I¡¯d never seen him before in my life. Erica¡¯s sister was telling Erica that I was stealing her stuff whenever I came over to their house¡ªI wasn¡¯t even going over there anymore. I stopped going by when they pushed me off their trampoline and I got hurt just before last summer. ¡°I¡¯m really tired of getting hurt all the time. I didn¡¯t sign up for this. I¡¯m not sleeping with any teachers to get my grades adjusted. I haven¡¯t taken anyone¡¯s things, I¡¯m not after anyone¡¯s boyfriend. I did use to be Tubby Tabby from the trailer park. So, sure, that¡¯s true¡ªguilty as charged, there. But, I don¡¯t live there anymore, I¡¯m basically not even fat anymore, and I¡¯m just, I¡¯m just tired, really tired, because everything is exhausting.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to flip out on me, I was just asking a question,¡± Amanda argued, attempting to look hurt. ¡°And like, from everything I¡¯ve heard, you were¡ª¡± ¡°Great! Great,¡± Tabitha interrupted, stepping forward and holding out her hand. ¡°Then¡ªyeah, sorry, let¡¯s just start over. Okay? Fresh start. Tabitha Moore.¡± ¡°Amanda Myers,¡± Amanda said, staring for a long moment before accepting her hand. ¡°Nice to meet you,¡± Tabitha said, shaking hands with the girl. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for going off like that. Really¡ªI apologize. All of the uh, everything that¡¯s going on, it has me wound up too tight. I want to just cry. I want to beat someone up. I don¡¯t mean to uh, to take it out on you.¡± ¡°No, yeah! It¡¯s okay,¡± Amanda shrugged, forcing on a smile. ¡°Yeah¡ªit¡¯s whatever. Was my bad, my bad.¡± Vanessa hooked her arm through Tabitha¡¯s and guided her back away over towards where Tiffany, Marisa, and Grace were standing. Tabitha felt like she should be feeling embarrassed, because it was as if she¡¯d just thrown a public tantrum or blown a gasket on someone, which had never happened before. True to what she¡¯d said though, she just felt tired. She was so sick of dealing with it all, and she had no idea how popular girls ever dealt with the stress of constant confrontation. ¡°Geez, what was her problem?¡± Marisa leaned in to start what was sure to be a bunch of conspiratorial whispers. ¡°Just because you were sitting out from stuff today? If I sprain my ankle or something and can¡¯t participate some day, is she gonna do some big public bitch out all over again?!¡± ¡°Do you know her?¡± Grace asked with wide eyes. ¡°No, we really hadn¡¯t met,¡± Tabitha tried to explain. ¡°I think it¡¯s just¡ªfrom way back at the start of freshman year, Erica and Kaylee and a bunch of the sophomores were spreading a bunch of rumors about me. Just. I thought all of that was over and done with. I guess not?¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± Tiffany asked. ¡°Hug?¡± ¡°Hug,¡± Tabitha agreed, delighted. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°I hope that bitch isn¡¯t getting a locker,¡± Vanessa hissed. ¡°We don¡¯t need her in there with us.¡± ¡°But no, seriously¡ªwhat was her problem?¡± Marisa asked. ¡°Did she just think you were going to be easy pickings, or something?¡± ¡°I think I probably normally am,¡± Tabitha joked. It didn¡¯t feel like a joke, and she felt a little sick inside. ¡°She was just pissy and wanted to start shit over nothing,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°She kept looking over at you and Ms. Baylor every time we ran around the loop. I saw her.¡± ¡°We saw her, yeah,¡± Tiffany agreed. ¡°She was looking all pissy.¡± ¡°I¡­ actually wish I could have run with you guys,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I was talking with Coach Baylor about signing up for either track or cheer.¡± ¡°Is Baylor in charge of track, too?¡± Grace asked. ¡°No, she said Coach Cooke is,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°I might just go for cheerleading.¡± ¡°Can you join cheer this late in the year?¡± Vanessa asked. ¡°Like, it¡¯s already second semester. We¡¯re halfway through ninth grade.¡± ¡°We can, I¡¯ll be joining even later because I still need to get cleared for physical activity again,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°From what my friend said, Springton Varsity Cheer this year doesn¡¯t actually have all that many people. Like as in, they might get classified as an ¡®extra small team¡¯ instead of a ¡®small team¡¯ for competitions if there¡¯s even just one girl who can¡¯t make it out on a trip, or if one of them has an injury or whatever. They¡¯re tight enough on people that they¡¯ll still recruit throughout the year.¡± ¡°Wait, really?¡± Vanessa¡¯s eyes widened. ¡°So like, basically anyone can join?¡± ¡°Well¡­ somewhat,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°She said Coach Baylor wasn¡¯t budging on the physical requirements, and¡­ yeah, from meeting her it seems like she¡¯d want you to take the training super seriously.¡± ¡°Oookay, nevermind then,¡± Vanessa rolled her eyes. ¡°Lame. I want the cool uniforms and all that, but I¡¯m not super into all the activity.¡± ¡°Yeahhh,¡± Tiffany winced. ¡°I can¡¯t join yet anyways,¡± Tabitha sighed again. ¡°I can¡¯t even jog around the track or do simple exercises or anything. It¡¯s frustrating. Oh¡ªGrace, you did amazing, though! I was watching.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Grace blushed. ¡°No way.¡± ¡°Yeah Grace, for real,¡± Tiffany agreed. ¡°You were the only one who could do three pull-ups.¡± ¡°She did more sit-ups than she was supposed to, too,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°You did ten and then looked like you were bored and just decided to go ahead and do more.¡± ¡°Really?!¡± Vanessa regarded Grace with surprise. ¡°Like¡ªwhy?!¡± ¡°Uhhh,¡± Grace seemed flustered. ¡°I don¡¯t know, really?¡± ¡°Are you in some kind of sports, already?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Volleyball? Softball?¡± ¡°Not really,¡± Grace shook her head. ¡°I uh, I have a swingset with monkey bars at home I mess around on all the time? But I don¡¯t do anything like, organized.¡± ¡°Oh my God,¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Grace, do you ever play tag? We should play tag, like, the second I¡¯m allowed to do physical activity again.¡± ¡°...Tag?¡± Marisa looked confused. ¡°Like, tag, you¡¯re it?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha answered honestly. ¡°I was super into it all summer, it¡¯s a big part of how I lost so much weight.¡± ¡°By playing tag?¡± Tiffany looked like she couldn¡¯t tell if Tabitha was joking or not. ¡°Tag like, hide and seek?¡± Vanessa laughed. ¡°No way.¡± ¡°Yes way!¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°It¡¯s super fast-paced and fun. I play with my little cousins.¡± ¡°Tag sounds fun?¡± Grace gave them an unsure smile. ¡°We used to do tag and like, capture the flag and stuff when I was at summer camp years back. It was cool.¡± ¡°Wait, but with just girls, or like with boys?¡± Vanessa narrowed her eyes. ¡°Because boys are like¡ªyou know. Grabby.¡± ¡°That¡¯s part of the fun!¡± Tiffany joked. ¡°No, no¡ªI¡¯m just kidding.¡± After a few more minutes of their Personal Fitness class standing along the edge of the track and exchanging casual talk, the first period Weight Lifting class arrived, a procession of students who appeared annoyed at being led out into the cold. Leading them was Coach Cooke, a large, rather brawny man with a thick neck that led up to a shaved head. In Tabitha¡¯s eyes he looked like one of the celebrity wrestlers her little cousins were so enamored with; perhaps one that had been retired for a few seasons and started letting himself go. ¡°Aw¡ªCoach, Coach! Don¡¯t be like that, now,¡± One of the weight lifting boys laughed. ¡°Listen¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re fixin¡¯ to get on my last nerve,¡± Coach Cooke blustered. ¡°Simmer down, now.¡± ¡°Naw, naw Coach, listen¡ª¡± ¡°Boy, I will put you through that fence here in a minute,¡± Coach Cooke joked. ¡°Shut your trap, you¡¯re gonna embarrass the whole class.¡± Just as Coach Baylor was ostensibly well-liked by ¡®the girls,¡¯ Coach Cooke seemed to exchange in back and forth banter with ¡®his boys,¡¯ but there was a difference in dynamic that somehow didn¡¯t sit well with Tabitha. Baylor was kind but also strived towards being a no-nonsense role model, while Cooke oozed machismo in a way that seemed off-putting. Maybe that was an unkind assessment after having only really taken a close examination of the man for a few moments and overheard this bit of talk¡ªbut, Tabitha felt inclined to go with her gut instinct on this one. ¡°Boys, if you will join Coach Cooke please,¡± Coach Baylor addressed her own class. ¡°He¡¯ll be going over everything with the men¡¯s locker room with you.¡± ¡°Ladies, you¡¯re with Coach Baylor,¡± Coach Cooke waved his girls forward. ¡°Go on, now.¡± Another stark difference became apparent¡ªwhile the balance between girls and boys in Personal Fitness was roughly even, first period Weight Lifting was a class of twenty-some guys and only three girls, and these three had a harried look about them that suggested they would be heading to administration to file for a course change soon. ¡°C¡¯mon guys, this way, this way,¡± Coach Cooke began to bellow, a note of annoyance now in his tone. ¡°Everyone gather up. Move, move, move. Mister Wilson, Mister Martin, and Mister Anderson. Boys¡ªfront and center, over here. Now. Not gonna tell you again.¡± In contrast, Coach Baylor seemed to gather the girls milling about just by directing her hand forward, and Tabitha felt a rather immature flash of satisfaction at being the first to queue up. Vanessa was quick to join her, and the others all hurried to follow suit. On the left side of the enormous concrete grandstand structure the boys were congregating in an unruly mass, and on the right side the girls quietly formed a single-file line after Coach Baylor like obedient ducklings. They were the first to enter, and Tabitha shot Bobby a teasing smile before following Coach Baylor inside the hallway beneath the stands. ¡°Really, Jenna?¡± Vanessa muttered under her breath towards one of the Weight Lifting girls joining them. ¡°Weight Lifting? Are you for real?¡± ¡°That¡¯s just what they put on my schedule!¡± Jenna grumbled. ¡°I¡¯m going to trade soon as I can, it sucks. They¡¯re so freaking loud in there.¡± ¡°And it stinks,¡± One of the other new arrivals said. ¡°Like, the whole weight room¡ªit reeks in there. What¡¯s the one you¡¯re in called? Phys Ed? I¡¯m switching.¡± ¡°Personal Fitness,¡± Tabitha answered, and the three girls eyes shot towards her and lingered there for a moment. ¡°Coach Baylor is great, though.¡± ¡°This way, girls,¡± Coach Baylor ushered them forward. ¡°This door here is ours.¡± Even just the fact that Coach Baylor doesn¡¯t even have to raise her voice with us girls seems like a massive flex over Coach Cooke, Tabitha thought. Is this weird? Is it weird of me to feel this way, all of the sudden? The childish BOYS VERSUS GIRLS thing I saw in Hannah and my cousins was always something I shook my head at, but now all of the sudden it¡¯s like. YEAH. Okay. I feel it. Coach Baylor opened the door and led them inside, and each successive girl lifted a hand to keep the door from swinging shut on the next person as they entered. It was brightly lit in here, and the furnishings were old and a little battered but clean enough. After stepping inside Tabitha discovered that the footprint of the women¡¯s locker room beneath the bleachers seemed to be a snaking series of back and forth turns, the shape of the room broken up with obstructions. Just as world war trenches zig zagged so that an enemy never had line of sight across an entire trench, so too was peeking in on undressed girls from the hallway door an overt impossibility; immediately upon entering, view was blocked by floor-to-ceiling wooden cubbies, currently all empty save for a waste bin with a plastic liner and a cardboard box with the words ¡®LOST AND FOUND¡¯ drawn upon it in marker in a cubby at the far end. The cubbies were tall and there were coat hooks within, but as Tabitha exchanged glances with Vanessa, neither made a move to remove their jackets. The frigid air in here wasn¡¯t much of an improvement over the outside, and that didn¡¯t seem to bode well for the weeks to come. Vanessa was tilting her head back and her nostrils were flaring as she tried to judge what she was smelling as she continued on¡ªbehind her, Marisa briefly uncrossed her arms to give the wood of the cubbies a rap with her knuckles. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. There was no apparent smell of perspiration, because masking any chance to detect body odor was another assault on the senses entirely. What might have been jasmine and vanilla perfume, cocoa butter lotion, citrus shampoo and even the distinct acrid note of hairspray clashed with one another all at once in Tabitha¡¯s nose. There was a certain unsubtle discordant sort of air unique to womens spaces as different scented feminine products competed with one another for attention, and though it was familiar, Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure she found it comforting. As they followed Coach Baylor to shuffle deeper inside, each of them peeked in the lost and found box, where a lone blue-and-white discarded nylon athletic garment of some kind with a Nike symbol on it rested at the bottom. Rounding the first bend past the cubbies, a partition of lockers was next¡ªidentical metal lockers like the school hallways featured, this time caked in the same white paint that was liberally plastered across the cinderblock walls and concrete floors here. New combination locks hung from each and every closed compartment, and each individual locker was numbered, but otherwise there was nothing much to see. Winding single-file around the next turn, the back of that first section of lockers turned out to be the outside of a large ¡®U¡¯ shaped alcove of more lockers, with a low pair of long benches between so that girls could sit as necessary while they were changing or donning their shoes or¡ªmore likely¡ªjust socializing with one another. This would be the place to be, and Tabitha rather found herself hoping whatever locker she was assigned wasn¡¯t one of those on the outside of the nook where there wasn¡¯t any bench. Finally, past the other arm of the ¡®U¡¯ shape of lockers, the rear of the room was revealed. On the right there were three toilet stalls, and then on the left it was a big open shower plan; an expanse of clean tile with space for six shower heads. Two shower heads were missing, instead sporting what looked to be a hastily-installed pvc stopgap, and overall the place looked rather¡­ dingy. There were no privacy curtains, and though the concrete floor was textured enough for bare feet to tread without slipping and dipped down towards several drains, Tabitha imagined there would be wet footprints tracked everywhere back and forth between the showers and the locker area. To make room for the rest of the girls, Tabitha and Vanessa filed in along the side of the room with the toilets, and within a minute all of the girls were casting skeptical glances around the rather spartan furnishings with crossed arms. ¡°Alright,¡± Coach Baylor sighed. ¡°So¡ª¡± ¡°There¡¯s toilets but no sinks,¡± Vanessa was the first to interrupt. ¡°So, we wash our hands¡ªwhere?¡± She¡¯s right, Tabitha realized, finally able to identify what had seemed off. Surely that¡¯s a code violation, or something? ¡°I didn¡¯t see a mirror anywhere, either?¡± Amanda sounded annoyed. ¡°How is there not even a mirror.¡± ¡°Three stalls, only one toilet,¡± Coach Baylor corrected them, easing open the cubicle doors one by one so that they could see. ¡°We meant to keep all three even through the remodel, but, some girls were fooling around standing on one, and broke the bowl. As you can see. The middle one currently does not flush, so please do not remove the tape on the lid. I was warned by Principal Edwards that if the last toilet is broken or vandalized, it will not be fixed this calendar year, so if you don¡¯t want to have to traipse all the way back out down the hall to use the public restrooms there, please treat it with extreme care.¡± ¡°We only have one toilet?!¡± Marisa exclaimed, and a murmur of concern went around in agreement. ¡°They were kept as a courtesy, and after constant vandalization, the boys¡¯ side has had zero working toilets for the past three years,¡± Coach Baylor explained. ¡°If it¡¯s an emergency, you have the one toilet in here, and then you can wash your hands from the shower spigot¡ªotherwise, please use the restroom down the hall. If you bring in a little container and a washcloth, you can fill up with water from the showers and wipe yourself down yourself in privacy in the stalls¡ªdrip water all runs down to the same drains, so that¡¯s fine.¡± Leaving the cubicle doors behind, Coach Baylor strode to the center of the room and reached up to reveal a thin piece of twine was running along near the ceiling from a hook in the far wall all the way back to a hook installed in the row of lockers. Upon closer inspection there were two lines, and once towels were hung up they would form a modest wall of privacy around the showers area. ¡°These are the lines for hanging up your towels. They are for towels only¡ªyou don¡¯t hang on them, you don¡¯t play on them, don¡¯t touch them unless you are putting a towel up or taking a towel down. They will not support your weight, and bringing one down will bring everyone¡¯s towels down into the wet mess on the floor¡ªso just, please don¡¯t. It happens just about every other semester anyways, but we¡¯ve had a good year so far, and I¡¯d like to keep it that way.¡± ¡°But¡ªbut we paid five dollars for this,¡± Vanessa complained. ¡°And this all is what we get?!¡± ¡°Five dollars goes towards replacing all of the combination locks every year, so there aren¡¯t any incidents,¡± Coach Baylor said. ¡°If there¡¯s any money left over, I¡¯ll see about getting a toilet tank kit and borrowing someone who knows what they¡¯re doing to fix the middle toilet. The bum showerheads are a whole separate problem¡ªthe bit of cash we collect for locker fees each semester isn¡¯t enough to cover a real plumber, yet. Believe it or not, the athletics department is not flush with money from the school¡ªI¡¯m sure you¡¯ve seen Coach Cooke out there selling donuts in the mornings.¡± ¡°But¡­¡± Vanessa still looked aghast. ¡°I can see that we¡¯re not impressed, and girls¡ªI get it,¡± Coach Baylore said. ¡°I like to think most of you are sensible, responsible girls¡ªyou cannot imagine how much better this locker room is, compared to the zoo over on the boys¡¯ side. Broken lockers, lockers missing doors, marker graffiti. Damage from flooding, their drains are always backing up¡ªactual turds or whatnot sort of messes left out in the open as juvenile pranks¡ªtrust me, we¡¯ve seen it all.¡± ¡°Oh my God,¡± Grace covered her mouth. ¡°Don¡¯t even get me started on the smell. Over there, Coach Cooke will be spending his entire spiel going over what will happen if they continue to act like animals,¡± Coach Baylor cast a stern glance around until she was sure she had met each and every set of eyes. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t need to go that far, here; my rules are simple. Keep your hands to yourself, keep your eyes to yourself, focus on getting in and out and getting yourself cleaned up for your next class. ¡°There¡¯s no reason to be playing around, or roughhousing, I shouldn¡¯t have to tell you that if you run around where it¡¯s wet and you can obviously slip and fall. There will be no snide remarks about each other¡¯s bodies, or bullying, or teasing in here. If there is, if it happens to you or even if you just happen to see it, you come speak to me about it and we¡¯ll be resolving things immediately. You can chat with one another quietly and politely over by the lockers area if you feel inclined to do so. ¡°We have one knob for water beneath each shower head, and it will come out warm,¡± the coach continued, stepping to the side and out of the way to demonstrate. With a twist of the knob, water sputtered and then shot out in a steady stream to darken the concrete and then flow towards the nearest drain. After a moment she turned the knob back again and everyone watched as the the spray became a weak dribble and then a slow drip. ¡°Not hot, warm, and don¡¯t expect a lot of water pressure. I hate to have to state the obvious, but when you¡¯re not using the water, you shut the water off. If for whatever reason I¡¯m not in here myself and happen to find out the next class that the water has been left running, I¡¯ll determine who was in here, and then everyone¡¯s responsible. That typically doesn¡¯t happen over here on the girl¡¯s side, and again¡ªI¡¯d like to keep it that way. Yes, Amanda?¡± ¡°Can we get a mirror in here?¡± Amanda had her hand raised. ¡°Like, for real.¡± ¡°Some of the locker doors have mirrors stuck onto the inside,¡± Coach Baylor revealed. ¡°When I go through and clean everything out at the end of a semester, I don¡¯t remove those. You can buy a small mirror at K-mart or some of the dollar stores around here if you¡¯d like¡ªyou¡¯ll want the five inch by seven inch ones, they should come with either a magnetic or an adhesive backing. I would also suggest bodywash, deodorant, either a shower cap or shampoo¡ªa scrubbie or a wash cloth, whatever personal care items, pads or tampons you might like to have in case of an emergency. For everything else¡ªcuts, scrapes, headaches, come see me in my office, I keep a medical kit and have a big bottle of Tylenol.¡± ¡°Um, do we have to be naked?¡± Vanessa raised a hand next. ¡°If you¡¯d prefer more privacy, bring a cup or a container of some kind¡ªI¡¯ve seen girls bring tupperware¡ªfill it with water from the shower, and then wash yourself in one of the toilet stalls,¡± Coach Baylor explained. ¡°But¡ªwhat if the stalls are all gross?¡± Vanessa kept her hand up. ¡°And¡ªwhat do we do about if it starts to smell? I literally can¡¯t be in here if it smells.¡± ¡°You said five inch by seven inch?¡± Amanda asked. ¡°For the mirrors. How much are they?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that bad,¡± Tiffany said, giving the room an experimental sniff. ¡°It¡¯s really not that bad? It¡¯s way worse out in the hallway.¡± ¡°I can still smell it,¡± One of the girls murmured. ¡°Smells like tampons.¡± ¡°Chrissy¡ªew.¡± ¡°How many changes of clothes should we have here?¡± ¡°It will smell like sweat on busy days,¡± Coach Baylor held up her palms, helpless to prevent that reality. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but that¡¯s just how it is.¡± ¡°I could keep a can of Febreze in my locker?¡± Tabitha suggested. ¡°Is that okay? Also I uh, I brought my towel.¡± ¡°You can go ahead and put your towel up,¡± Coach Baylor seemed pleased someone had remembered. ¡°As for things like spare clothes¡ªI don¡¯t recommend you keep clothing in your lockers. Sweaty clothes you¡¯re changing out of I would suggest you put into a grocery bag you can tie shut, and put right back in your book bag to take home. ¡°Likewise, fresh clothes from home should come out of your book bag and go on your body¡ªthere are no washing machines here and this is not a laundromat, so there is no reason to keep your musty clothes here. If you leave them, they will smell, and then they become everyone¡¯s problem. Please don¡¯t become everyone¡¯s problem. If you need grocery bags to put sweaty clothes in, I¡¯ll have a big bunch of them over by the cubbies by tomorrow. Any other questions?¡± There were many, and in no time at all the enclosure was echoing with voices. The theme of the questions however began to tilt from honest inquiries about procedure towards probing ones in how much time they could get away with¡ªbecause there was no wall-mounted clock in here, Amanda and the weight lifting class girl Jenna seemed to building an excuse to always be late for their next class. These weren¡¯t new and untested boundaries however, and a large signboard of written rules was presented that left little room for them to exploit. Tabitha read them over in a single glance and found them all of the common sense rules variety, but all the same a small crowd of girls huddled up near the sign in search of loopholes or issues. Her focus was elsewhere¡ªTabitha had shrugged off the strap of her bookbag and unzipped it to unfurl her snazzy red and white Coca-Cola Polar Bear towel, and most of the girls watched with interest as she stepped across the room, reached up, and began slipping it over the first clothes line. There it hung on proud display¡ªthe first towel up of the new semester. To her surprise, Marisa immediately joined her, pulling out a towel of her own and hanging it next to hers¡ªwhile Tabitha¡¯s was a larger beach towel, Marisa¡¯s was a smaller but much more plush bath towel, light blue but with pink flowers tastefully adorning a decorative band. ¡°Nice,¡± Tabitha nodded in approval. ¡°No, no way,¡± Marisa grinned. ¡°Yours is way cooler. I¡¯m jealous.¡± ¡°I was gonna bring one, ugh,¡± Vanessa complained. ¡°But, I need a new one. All the ones at home are either plain normal ones, or old disney ones from when I was little.¡± ¡°I just completely forgot,¡± Tiffany admitted. ¡°Need to remember to bug my mom, dangit.¡± ¡°Miss Baylor¡ª¡± Grace began to ask. ¡°Coach Baylor,¡± Marisa teased. ¡°¡ªCoach Baylor,¡± Grace laughed. ¡°Are we allowed to use the showers today? Since we were running? Or¡­?¡± ¡°Last ten minutes of class, yes,¡± Coach Baylor answered. ¡°In the meantime¡ªthose of you who have already paid for lockers, I¡¯ll be giving you your combinations now. Please write them down somewhere and keep that safe, and please do not trade lockers or let anyone else know your numbers. You are responsible for your locker, so just like with the regular school lockers in the halls, we don¡¯t want you ¡®holding a baggie of weed for a friend¡¯ or sharing space or letting friends have access.¡± A giggle of surprise went around the room¡ªCoach Baylor was so straight-laced that joking about them having drug contraband in a locker came as a surprise. It made Tabitha wonder if their coach was more relaxed and personable with her cheer team girls. The prospect of being on more familiar terms with Coach Baylor seemed like it might be a sign of status in Springton High, but it was hard to tell how the social hierarchies really fit together. In first period here, it seems like Vanessa and then I guess Amanda are the ¡®popular¡¯ ones, Tabitha stole a glance at each of the girls. Or, maybe not popular, that¡¯s not the right word. Confident? Aggressive? But, then at the same time, they¡¯re not ¡®cheerleader¡¯ girls, both of them seem the type to balk at doing anything that requires an ounce of effort or exertion. How do THOSE types of popular mesh with the, I guess, STEREOTYPICAL CHEERLEADER type of popular? I don¡¯t know that I¡¯ve ever seen those kinds interact with each other. I¡¯ve been too busy hiding away from all of that. ¡°Tabitha Moore?¡± Coach Baylor called. ¡°Locker number sixty-one. Have something to write down the combination with?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha jolted, scrambling to reach for her book bag. ¡°Yes¡ªone second.¡± As she found a pen and piece of paper Tabitha was thrilled to notice Grace putting up a faded and slightly threadbare Scooby Doo beach towel up just beside Marisa¡¯s on the line. With the breadth of the room their three towels took up a tenth of the first clothes line, and Tabitha was forced to wonder how many girls from each class wound up having towels at school. ¡°Mom said I had to take in this old one,¡± Grace seemed embarrassed. ¡°In case it gets lost or stolen or something. It¡¯s from forever ago.¡± ¡°It¡¯s totally cool,¡± Vanessa assured her. ¡°A towel¡¯s a towel.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t sweat it,¡± Tiffany nodded. ¡°Get it? Sweat? Guys¡ªI¡¯m hilarious.¡± Tabitha¡¯s assigned locker was on the outside of the alcove rather than the inside, but it was a top one and pretty convenient to access¡ªTabitha spun the combination to the instructed 4-6-4 to reveal a bare metal box. She didn¡¯t have anything to put in there just yet, having decided to bring her things in once she was cleared for physical activity again. One of the other girls she hadn¡¯t been introduced to was given a locker in her row and they shared a polite smile. When she closed her locker and fit the lock back into place several other girls were now surrounding Coach Baylor to sign up for a locker or digging out money to pay for one. Vanessa was inspecting the toilet stall with the broken bowl as if intending to reserve it for her exclusive use, and so Tabitha joined Tiffany, Grace, and Marisa as they stood nearby to chat. ¡°So, uh,¡± Tiffany said. ¡°Grace and I are best friends, have been since we were ¡®bout yea high. Kindergarten or so? We went to Springton Middle¡ªVanessa went to Springton Middle. You guys?¡± ¡°Laurel Middle,¡± Tabitha confessed. ¡°I¡¯m from Indiana,¡± Marisa shrugged. ¡°Mom got divorced and we moved, and uh¡ªhere I am?¡± ¡°You¡¯re new to Springton?¡± Tiffany asked. ¡°Eh, kinda. Grandparents are here,¡± Marisa said. ¡°Used to spend the summers here. It¡¯s okay. Miss my old friends to death.¡± ¡°Aw, that really sucks,¡± Tiffany frowned. ¡°Where at in Indiana?¡± Grace asked. ¡°Lawrenceburg, it¡¯s right on the Ohio river,¡± Marisa said. ¡°And the Ohio river is¡ªyeah, just imagine if like the boy¡¯s locker room was a body of water. It¡¯s super gross.¡± ¡°Ew,¡± Tiffany laughed. ¡°Still, though. Do your friends keep in touch?¡± ¡°Kinda?¡± Marisa hedged. ¡°I guess not really. Everyone¡¯s starting ninth, so¡ªyeah. Busy with their own problems.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so sorry,¡± Grace said. ¡°As if high school isn¡¯t hard enough to deal with as it is,¡± Tabitha agreed, nodding along. ¡°Well, I mean like¡ªit¡¯s not that bad,¡± Marisa laughed. ¡°Like, not compared to all the stuff I hear about you. Compared to all that¡ªhah¡ªyeah, I just keep my head down? I¡¯ve made a few new friends, at least.¡± ¡°I¡¯m um,¡± Tabitha felt her face flush red. ¡°I¡¯m trying to do better? Turn over a new leaf? Again. Another new leaf.¡± ¡°You seem fine to me!¡± Grace said, adjusting her glasses. ¡°Normal, I mean. I don¡¯t see why everyone has to spread all sorts of nonsense.¡± ¡°Because they¡¯re jealous,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°Bunch of bitches.¡± ¡°Because¡ªit¡¯s entertaining!¡± Tiffany beamed. ¡°I love all the gossip! I¡¯ve heard your parents are dirt-poor druggies, or that they¡¯re rich yuppie slum lords and own the trailer park in town. That you¡¯re pregnant and that it¡¯s Matthew¡¯s, that you¡¯re preggers and it¡¯s Mr. Simmon¡¯s, that you¡¯re preggo and it¡¯s Chris Thompson¡¯s. I think current word is that you¡¯re after Micheal Summers? No good news yet on the baby there, though, which is a shame. I¡¯ll keep an ear out, though!¡± ¡°Tiff¡ªplease,¡± Grace looked mortified. ¡°I heard some of those,¡± Vanessa confirmed, returning from the stall with her arms crossed in front of her. ¡°Elena was making a big deal about it, saying how sophomores were all just making shit up.¡± ¡°They say you were as fat as me, but go lipo!¡± Tiffany continued with a grin. ¡°That you¡¯re actually not really the real Tabitha at all, but like some kind of identity imposter. That there was some crazy police conspiracy or coverup or something you were involved in with the South Main Shooting. Where that officer died, back in October or whatever. That Erica Taylor and you had some crazy blood feud death match over one of the boys, story¡¯s not set in stone as to who. I like to imagine it¡¯s just all of them? Because that¡¯d be the most awesome. Anywho, whole ton of people got expelled over all of it, but now you¡¯re back, and¡ª¡± Oh my God, Tabitha covered her face with her good hand. Against all of her expectations, the heavyset girl in their little group wasn¡¯t shy and quiet at all once she got going¡ªfor some reason Tabitha had subconsciously assumed that Tiffany was more of a reserved type like her friend Grace. Instead, she was a talker, instead Tiffany grew more and more animated the more she spoke, and there was a certain glee visible on her face in revealing all of the things she had overheard. ¡°No officers died, and the one is making a full recovery!¡± Tabitha tried to correct Tiffany with a wince. ¡°And, it was only two people that got expelled! Actually, I think Erica just got transferred to a special reform school, so just one expulsion! Technically. The Chris who broke my wrist. And, ¡®that I¡¯m not really the real Tabitha?¡¯ Have you been listening to Ashlee?! Ashlee Taylor?¡± ¡°Erica¡¯s sister?¡± Vanessa asked. ¡°The one Clarissa said was talking shit about you?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Yep! She¡¯s a hoot,¡± Tiffany chuckled. ¡°Hah, listen to you, ¡®but no officers died, and the one¡¯s makin¡¯ a full recovery!¡¯ That¡¯s gold. But yeah, I have Ashlee in my English class, with Coach Cooke? Sits on the one side and just glowers at everybody. She¡¯s for real just not having any of this school life. Me? I love it.¡± ¡°I uh, well I do think that she could use a friend¡ª¡± Tabitha started. ¡°Oh, I can tell, but yeah I dunno if I fit the bill,¡± Tiffany shook her head. ¡°She¡¯ll talk bad about you and me and anyone else once you get her goin¡¯, but then somebody asked about the stuff with her sister and¡ªwhelllp. Bit of a sore spot, yeah. Touchy! I¡¯m not in her same row, but I do listen in. Think she¡¯d just as soon shank me with a pencil as say ¡®good morning.¡¯ Heard she has only one eye, I think? Can¡¯t quite tell. I enjoy being pissed off at the world as much as the next girl, but me? Nah, I think I¡¯m more the social butterfly type, who just wants a little bit of everything? You know? Not that I¡ª¡± ¡°Tiffany Myers,¡± Coach Baylor warned. ¡°Keep your volume down, please. And¡ªnot everything you hear bears being repeated, okay?¡± ¡°She¡¯s so sorry,¡± Grace blurted out, covering Tiffany¡¯s mouth. ¡°She, she has a condition.¡±
Mrs. Moore watched on with a vacant expression as her own hands went through the motions of taking things from the checkout conveyor belt and presenting them to the bar code scanner for a beep. Though her movements were still far from well-practiced and fluid like Tracy¡¯s were, she wasn¡¯t fumbling with the items anymore. A strange muscle memory for where the bar codes might be on an item was building, such that some of the more common items like milk, eggs and bread were so familiar to her now that her hands turned them to the correct orientation in front of the scanner without her paying much attention to what she was doing. It seemed so strange and ALIEN when Tabitha tried to speak with diction, Mrs. Moore thought as she scanned a box of hamburger helper and then a box of spaghetti and then a box of bow-tie noodles. But, now? It makes sense. It¡¯s the same as the ¡®customer service¡¯ voice we put on with people here. For all that she was terrified of working a public-facing job and interacting with people, being social again¡ªthe reality of her role was removed from most of those expectations. Aside from some of the elderly morning customers, no one came into Food Lion to chat with the employees. Shannon greeted customers with the same phrase one after the other until the rote ¡®hi, how are you,¡¯ ceased to have any meaning as words and became a mechanical reaction to addressing the next customer. It¡¯s not even just ¡®talking like a robot,¡¯ though, Shannon thought as she punched register keys to confirm the weight of a bag of apples. It¡¯s pure detachment, disassociation¡ªit makes sense to step back into yourself and let ¡®the role¡¯ of your job take over. That manifested in different ways between the different cashiers manning front end, which was an interesting dichotomy to observe. Tracy was blunt and wore an impassive no nonsense mask that made it immediately clear she wasn¡¯t interested in chitchatting with the customers. Cindy on the other hand was an upbeat person but ratched up the customer service cheery act to nauseating levels, particularly with rude customers or people bringing her problems. It was strange and surreal to see how much acting played a part outside of conventional screen acting, how compartmentalizing your identity became a natural process to keep your real self from being eaten away by the sawmill drudgery of retail and service jobs. Before working a wageslave job, Shannon¡¯s perspective of the world was from high school girl politick and then her brief failed stab at Hollywood. Now, after years of unhealthy seclusion from everyone she had met hundreds of people in a row for her shifts. Except, meeting wasn¡¯t quite accurate, either¡ªthe customers queuing up into lines at the checkout stations were as varied as could be, but the context of their interaction rendered them all the same. It didn¡¯t matter how different you were, what age you were or what you looked like or how much money you made; everyone who stepped up to greet her stopped being all of those unique things and simply became a person getting their groceries. Shannon Moore stopped having to be Shannon Moore with all of the issues and baggage associated with that, and simply became a cashier at a grocery store. Now, what does that MEAN, then? Shannon wondered as she mechanically reported a total to the customer and watched the man fish out a twenty from his wallet. Tabitha¡¯s proper diction¡ªher robot talk, her slipping into that for US, her parents, whenever she started stressing? Did that mean Tabitha slipped into that mode of speech when the girls at school were being difficult with her? Because, wouldn¡¯t that just make things worse? Tabitha was supposed to be back at Springton High again now, and Mrs. Moore found herself twisted into knots worrying about how things had gone. She hadn¡¯t heard anything, yet, and was still too afraid to call them herself. I remember the first day she went to high school, Mrs. Moore let her mind wander as she stuffed the twenty into its compartment in her register and then read the digital display for how much change to give back. She came home that first day of ninth grade and went straight into the bathroom. To wash her blouse. She was already in STRESS MODE, was already talking in that robot diction voice. At the time, hearing her talk that way made me furious, made me sure she was mocking me. Now? Now, I feel like I start to understand. Back then, Mrs. Moore had taken too many things for granted¡ªshe had forgotten how draining dealing with people all day could be. How uniquely exhausting it was to put on an act, step into a role not because it was something you enjoyed doing, but because it was a mask you wore to survive. She now understood that Tabitha¡¯s proper diction was her own unique customer service voice, it was a front put up to retreat behind for when there was just no way to deal with things anymore. Well, she¡¯d always understood it to some extent¡ªbut now, she understood it, now she was experiencing it personally, now every rigid smile and hi, how are you was a stabbing reminder of what sort of state her daughter had been in. Today. Today I¡¯ll call her for sure. Just to check on her. I need to know how she is¡ªI need to know that she¡¯s doing okay. ¡°One dollar, eighty-six cents,¡± Mrs. Moore reported as she handed over the change. ¡°Thank you, and I hope you have a great day.¡±
¡°Oh man it was so bad,¡± Bobby groaned into his sandwich. ¡°The whole back part of the guy¡¯s locker room was like, caked in piss. The floor, the walls, the lockers. The ceiling.¡± ¡°Bobby¡ªgross,¡± Elena made a face from across the table. ¡°Can you not?¡± ¡°Coach Baylor said the boys¡¯ side didn¡¯t even have toilets anymore,¡± Tabitha chuckled. ¡°Because they broke them all, or whatever. Vandalized.¡± ¡°Wait, you have toilets on the girls¡¯ side?!¡± Bobby choked. ¡°Like, in your actual locker room? Not like, the down-the-hall restroom?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha decided to stretch the truth a little. ¡°We have three stalls back in right next to our showers.¡± ¡°And, it doesn¡¯t smell like pee,¡± Elena scowled. ¡°Your boys¡¯ side stinks up the whole hall there under the bleachers.¡± ¡°Hey, whoa,¡± Bobby held both hands up. ¡°S¡¯not like I¡¯m pissin¡¯ all over everything down there. I stand outside and whizz against the bleachers, like a normal person.¡± ¡°Bobby¡ªew,¡± Elena smacked the table. ¡°Stop.¡± ¡°Have you really?¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°What, have you guys not?!¡± ¡°Elena, do you have a locker room locker?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Ours is the first period of the new semester, so I think we got first pick maybe. My towel was the first one up on the line.¡± ¡°Not yet,¡± Elena shook her head. ¡°Gonna wait to see how try-outs even go. And¡ªdid you show Coach Baylor which towel was yours? For when it gets stolen or stained with stuff by people or whatever behind your back.¡± ¡°Oh, um,¡± Tabitha blanched. ¡°Mine¡¯s a polar bear. Coca-Cola? Everyone saw me putting it up, so I guess she knows. You really think that¡­?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena gave her a serious look. ¡°Maybe keep a spare towel in your locker? Just in case.¡± ¡°Great,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°No¡ªyeah, you¡¯re right. I should. That would be smart. I need to be smart. To be a step ahead of everything, this time. Thank you.¡± ¡°Some girl was trying to bitch her out already,¡± Bobby tattled. ¡°Bitching on about how Tabitha got to sit and chill, while Baylor had the rest of us running ragged doing cartwheels and kickflips and everything.¡± ¡°Some girl? Who?¡± Elena demanded. ¡°Cartwheels and kickflips?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°Uhh, I mean I saw Bobby do three-and-a-half pull-ups? Oh, and¡ª¡± ¡°Four, actually,¡± Bobby corrected her. ¡°It was four.¡± ¡°Was it, though?¡± Tabitha gave him a skeptical look. ¡°Was it?¡± ¡°The girl who was bitching,¡± Elena repeated. ¡°Who was it?¡± ¡°Amanda¡­ Myers?¡± Tabitha struggled to recall the full name. ¡°I think that was it.¡± ¡°Do we know her?¡± Alicia asked. ¡°Maybe,¡± Elena frowned. ¡°Hard to say. There¡¯s a ton of Myers that go to Springton High, like a bunch of people are related, but only by a great-great-grandfather, or something. I think Olivia might know.¡± ¡°I, uh. I went off on her, a little,¡± Tabitha admitted with a sheepish look. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to, but it was getting to me. And then, Vanessa stood up for me a bit.¡± ¡°Hey¡ªI spoke up, too,¡± Bobby looked crestfallen. ¡°I was all like, ¡®listen here, Amanda, you don¡¯t¡ª¡¯¡± ¡°Bobby spoke up, too,¡± Tabitha said with a small smile. ¡°The whole ordeal felt strange. Bizarre? I thought the whole liposuction thing was put to rest.¡± ¡°It was, but they¡¯re going to try to keep bringing it up anyways,¡± Elena warned. ¡°That¡¯s how they are.¡± ¡°Have they been bothering you?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Since your um, your new you look. Going gothic.¡± ¡°I can handle it,¡± Elena simply shrugged. ¡°They totally have,¡± Alicia confided. ¡°Carrie and her goons came up to us the one day at lunch, and were all trying to hassle her about throwing away her chance at being popular, or something stupid like that. She made a super stupid bet with us about Matthew. We won fifty bucks!¡± ¡°Oh damn, yeah¡ªI heard about that,¡± Bobby leaned forward and gave them a serious nod. ¡°I heard it was like practically a big kung fu showdown. Everyone in the quad parted ways and turned to watch, and it was all shocked gasps and whoa no way and like blood was ¡®bout to spill, ¡®cause of all the crazy tension in the air. People are still talking about it.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t listen to them,¡± Elena rolled her eyes, but they could see a small smile forming. ¡°It wasn¡¯t even a big deal.¡± ¡°It so was!¡± Alicia disagreed. ¡°Elena¡ªthat was fifty bucks.¡± ¡°Betting on Mathew?¡± Tabitha asked, bewildered. ¡°Betting how? Matthew Williams?¡± ¡°Carrie thought that with ¡®Lena stepping down from, uh, the preppy girl B-S, that I guess she¡¯d given up her claim on Matthew?¡± Alicia laughed. ¡°Like Carrie could just swoop in unopposed, because ¡®Lena had gone goth instead. Carrie bet us she¡¯d have Matthew wrapped around her finger by the end of the week.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t Matthew dating Casey?¡± Bobby looked confused. ¡°The art club chick?¡± ¡°Yee-up,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I mean, everyone knows that now, but back then I guess word about that wasn¡¯t too spread around. Still, though. Fifty bucks!¡± ¡°Oooh, I wish I could¡¯ve been there to see it,¡± Tabitha put on the cute pout she had practiced in the mirror, and was pleased when Bobby did a slight double-take. ¡°I feel like I missed so much.¡± ¡°Well hey, never too late to make up for lost time,¡± Bobby said, quickly scarfing down the last of his sandwich. ¡°Speaking of¡ªyou up for catching Willow together sometime? We should uh, like pencil in a date sometime. Since you¡¯re always so busy, and all.¡± ¡°Hmmm,¡± Tabitha mused, tapping her lip. ¡°I might have to get back to you on that? This weekend I¡¯m getting my cast off¡ªfinally¡ªso there¡¯s that appointment, and then it¡¯ll be¡­ I don¡¯t know, weird. For a while. I¡¯ll be going around cradling my wrist all weird, because it¡¯ll be super thin and weak, and feeling naked without the weight of all this stupid hunk of stuff attached to it.¡± She hefted her cast up onto the tabletop for emphasis, and everyone¡¯s eyes turned to the faded fiberglass shell with its smudged signatures. It was strange how accustomed to it she had grown over the past few months, and there would be quite a bit of readjusting to her life once she was free of it. Tabitha had characterized her life prior to the break and fracture as a lot of exercising and work-outs, and suddenly not being able to do any of that had required a dramatic shift in all of the things she did to cope with life. ¡°Damn, already?¡± Alicia whistled. ¡°I guess it has been a while. Since back before Halloween, yeah? You had it when we were trick-or-treating.¡± ¡°Mid-October-ish,¡± Elena grunted. ¡°S¡¯been a while.¡± ¡°It¡¯s felt like ages to me,¡± Tabitha remarked, hiding her cast in her lap again. ¡°Hopefully I can run again, soon.¡± ¡°Alright, fair, fair,¡± Bobby nodded. ¡°Then¡ªhow about weekend after that?¡± ¡°I think¡­¡± Tabitha let the sentence hang in the air with a teasing look for a long moment. ¡°It¡¯s a date? We can maybe meet up in the afternoon, play tag with my cousins, and then we can all watch Willow together in the evening afterwards?¡± ¡°Cool, yeah,¡± Bobby looked thrilled. ¡°Awesome.¡± ¡°Can I come?¡± Elena smirked. ¡°What? No, no,¡± Bobby frowned, shaking his head. ¡°No way, this is our date. No Elenas allowed.¡± ¡°It¡¯s your date¡­ with Tabitha. And Tabitha¡¯s cousins?¡± Alicia¡¯s face split into a huge grin. ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon. The more the merrier, right? Elena an¡¯ I¡¯ll just sorta¡­ tag along.¡± ¡°Yeah, just¡ª¡± Elena gave Alicia a look. ¡°It¡¯s for real tag though. Like, Tabitha and her cousins don¡¯t play around. It¡¯s serious tag.¡± ¡°Now, wait a minute, wait a minute¡ª¡± Bobby protested. ¡°The more the merrier!¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°Right, Bobby?¡± ¡°Right, of course,¡± Bobby nodded, making a face. ¡°That¡¯s just what I was about to say. You took the words, ah, right out of my mouth?¡± ¡°Pfft,¡± Alicia punched Bobby¡¯s shoulder. ¡°We¡¯re just kidding.¡± ¡°No, I think¡­ wouldn¡¯t it be a lot more fun, to make a big group thing of it?¡± Tabitha looked thoughtful. ¡°I wanted to invite this girl Grace to play tag¡ªand ooh, do you think Casey has seen Willow? What¡¯s it rated? Could Hannah watch it?¡± ¡°Probably too scary for Hannah,¡± Bobby shook his head. ¡°Darn,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°I really do just love the idea of having a big get-together. I love that. It¡¯s such a foreign idea to me I guess, that now I¡¯m surprised I didn¡¯t really think of it? I loved the party, I had such a good time back when we all went to the mall together, I just. I really love having get-togethers? Being part of things? Plus, it would be less stressful than just being like a me and Bobby date. A date date. Because he¡¯s cute, and I¡¯m a little interested in him, but I still have a ton of anxiety about relationships and um, courting and stuff, I need some time to work through all of that.¡± Bobby had already finished his sandwich but still managed to choke¡ªElena¡¯s eyebrows rose at Tabitha¡¯s apparent candor, while Alicia continued to grin and helped slap Bobby on the back. ¡°I uh¡ªahem,¡± Bobby coughed. ¡°Yeah¡ªyeah. Cool. Cool?¡± ¡°I had a dream last night where we were about to kiss,¡± Tabitha said, feeling blood rush to her face. ¡°But then, we were wandering through the school looking for a private spot, and we couldn¡¯t find one, and then you disappeared, and everyone disappeared, and I was all alone.¡± ¡°Uhhhhh¡ª¡± Bobby gave her an uncertain look as if he wasn¡¯t sure if she was kidding him or not. ¡°So¡ªwhat does that mean?¡± Alicia prodded. ¡°That you have unfinished business?¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t mean anything,¡± Tabitha shrugged, feeling almost giddy with the high of whatever this was she was doing. Was she flirting? She thought this might be what flirting felt like. ¡°It was just a dream. If anything, I guess it was, like, fear of missing out? Codified into abstracts with my subconscious, or something. I¡¯m not actually ready to have my first kiss anytime soon. I would literally have some kind of nervous breakdown.¡± ¡°That¡¯s literally not how you¡¯re supposed to use the word ¡®literally,¡¯¡± Elena remarked. ¡°Hey, uh, I mean¡ªno pressure or nothin¡¯,¡± Bobby appeared to be scrambling to put his thoughts back together. ¡°Watching Willow with everyone¡¯s cool. We don¡¯t like have to kiss. I wasn¡¯t even ever thinking about¡ª¡± ¡°Yes you were,¡± Alicia smirked. ¡°You literally were,¡± Elena said. ¡°Hey¡ªthat¡¯s not the correct uh, usage of the word literal, either,¡± Bobby tried to defend himself. ¡°I wasn¡¯t like¡ª¡± ¡°No, it literally is,¡± Elena argued. ¡°In that instance.¡± ¡°I kind of like you,¡± Tabitha decided to bludgeon Bobby some more. ¡°But, I ah, I have personal issues to work through before I¡¯m ready for anything, and I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s like, quite at the level of crushing on someone, or anything like that. My feelings. I¡¯m comfortable around you, and I¡¯m interested in getting to know you better. How does that sound?¡± ¡°I uh, yeah,¡± Bobby laughed, trying to regain his bearings. ¡°Great, I¡¯m yeah, the same? I get it, I¡¯m totally the same way. Interested. I kinda like you too? We¡¯re cool. We¡¯re pretty cool?¡± ¡°So cool,¡± Alicia teased. ¡°You¡¯ve got me,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°I can¡¯t tell if she¡¯s messing with you, or not?¡± ¡°She literally is,¡± Alicia giggled. ¡°Literally.¡± ¡°So, uh,¡± Tabitha cleared her throat. ¡°This weekend? Cast comes off. Hopefully. Next weekend¡ªbig group watch party? For Willow?¡±
While yesterday¡¯s class had been syllabus and orientation, today in Tabitha¡¯s sixth period Art 2D class they were to start drawing. Drawing boards and oversized sheets of paper¡ªthick enough that she thought of it almost as paperboard¡ªwere distributed from the store room by the table leaders, and everyone made a point to appear to pay diligent attention to Mr. Peterson as he stood up and demonstrated the correct technique for holding a pencil. Bemused looks were exchanged between the students as they tried to gauge whether or not their teacher was being serious, but these were replaced with blank looks and furrowed brows of consternation as he began to elaborate. ¡°How you¡¯ve been taught to hold a pen or pencil for handwriting your whole life can be used for drawing, but it may not be the best way,¡± Mr. Peterson held his pencil out in the air as if to write and did a slow turn so that everyone in the art room could see his hand posture. ¡°Your grip for writing will give you the most control, but the tight-in technique of controlling your pencil with your fingers also has the most limited range of movement.¡± ¡°What?¡± Vanessa whispered out her apparent skepticism to their table. ¡°What¡¯re we s¡¯posed to use, our toes?¡± ¡°You may have noticed your drawing sheets there are very large, much larger than your eight and a half by eleven inch standard paper¡ª¡± Mr. Person continued. ¡°That is because ladies and gentlemen you will be drawing large, and when you are drawing large, it is better to control where your pencil goes with your wrist or even your entire arm for maximum range of movement ¡®cross the canvas. Yes, table four?¡± ¡°Are we allowed to just like draw holding normally?¡± A girl at the fourth table asked. ¡°I am not the pencil technique gestapo, I am a teacher,¡± Mr. Peterson brandished his fearsome grin to his class. ¡°There are different and sometimes better ways to wield your pencil¡ªand now you know, so you can¡¯t come crying to me later, sayin¡¯, ¡®oh wise and great Mister Peterson, why is it so difficult for me to draw? Why am I having so much trouble?¡¯ Well, bein¡¯ made aware of other pencil techniques is a start, hah.¡± Like many of the other kids throughout the room, Tabitha frowned and looked down at her hand as it held her pencil. The way she held her pencil had never been something she¡¯d given a second thought, and wielding it differently after an entire extra lifetime of holding it the habitual way seemed to raise the hurdle even higher for her. Though as a writer she plied most of her words via a keyboard, there were still years upon years of writing out various things by hand instilled into her a certain way. ¡°Holdin¡¯ your pencil the way you do for writing is optimal for handwriting,¡± Mr. Peterson taught them. ¡°Point down for the most precise lines, and your brain is somewhat trained into writin¡¯ a certain size¡ªwe call it standard or college rule, the l¡¯il blue lines you¡¯ve been scribblin¡¯ in for most of your life. ¡°As an artiste you¡¯re no longer constrained by all that boring mumbo jumbo, you¡¯ve got to learn to be a little more free,¡± He waggled his drawing hand up and down in broad swoops as he let out a chuckle. ¡°Free to use the entire pencil instead of just the tip, free to use more range of motion with your hand than you¡¯re used to for writing, and learning how to fine-control that movement.¡± ¡°Uhh, the tip is the only part of the pencil that draws, though,¡± Vanessa complained, holding up her hand. ¡°Yeah,¡± A girl at another table loudly agreed¡ªthough Tabitha saw her expression was a teasing one rather than Vanessa¡¯s sour look. ¡°Oh, you are so wrong, table six,¡± Mr. Peterson grinned his huge grin. ¡°The very tip is the pointiest bit and draws yer precise lines¡ªbut, what if you¡¯re tryin¡¯ to do some shading? You¡¯ll want to fill in large areas of your paper with pencil, and holding your pencil instead like¡ªthis¡ªallows you to use the side of the pencil, allows you to press down more pencil lead, graphite, whatever, in broad strokes which each go. This is also how you control your line weight, but that¡¯s probably a bit more advanced for most of you monkeys¡ªheck, I¡¯ll be lucky if I can have you apes keep your pencils outta your nose this whole semester.¡± ¡°Pffft¡ª¡± ¡°Hey¡ªI see that, you at table three. Keep that outta there kid, you don¡¯t know where it¡¯s been. C¡¯mon, now.¡± ¡°Eddie¡ªoh my god, stop. Hah ha¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s still technically using the tip, though,¡± Vanessa muttered under her breath. ¡°S¡¯just the side of the tip. It¡¯s still the tip.¡± ¡°Now, I see some mighty doubtful looks when I glance around,¡± Mr. Peterson laughed. ¡°You¡¯re all thinking¡ªwell, s¡¯gonna be a big ol¡¯ pain to relearn how to hold the pencil when I¡¯m already comfortable doin¡¯ it the way I been doin¡¯ it. I¡¯ll just hold it the way I¡¯ve always held it. What can go wrong?!¡± Tabitha wasn¡¯t alone in putting on a small wince of guilt at hearing that. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll tell ya what¡¯ll happen¡ª¡± Mr. Peterson said. ¡°You¡¯ve got these big ol¡¯ sheets of paper, and you¡¯ll start drawin¡¯ big, you¡¯ll scale what you¡¯re drawing to the area with which you have to draw in. Right? But, little by little your details¡¯ll start to shrink, gettin¡¯ tinier and tinier. Your proportions¡¯ll start gettin¡¯ wonky. ¡°Then, you¡¯ll take a step back, and look at what you¡¯ve done and say to me¡ª¡®oh great and mighty Mister Peterson¡ªwell, the LEFT side of my drawing where I started looks normal, but then when it gets over towards the RIGHT, everything starts to pinch up and go all tiny. BWUAHH?! WHAT HAPPENED?!¡¯ And then, I¡¯ll look on with my infinite wisdom and benevolence and tell you that you started out drawing, but partway through, you relapsed to yer normal handwriting technique, and s¡¯like the rest of your picture shrunk up in a washing machine, an¡¯ nothin¡¯ don¡¯t fit no more!¡± Tabitha laughed along with the rest of the class, but inwardly she was extremely impressed. This was what she had meant when she admitted to Coach Baylor that she didn¡¯t think she was cut out to teach. Mr. Peterson didn¡¯t just love the subject at hand, he was also great at communicating that love to others in a way they could digest. The brawny man looked like he was having genuine fun teaching, he understood the material and was well versed in translating his experience into ways that total laymen could still parse the meaning from. Not even JUST that, he also has to corral a room of young teenagers and keep their attention. He puts on voices, he keeps his expression very animated so that he remains engaging, he injects in just enough humor for levity to keep what he¡¯s saying from ever getting too dry and technical. If some of the other subjects were taught like this, it wouldn¡¯t be so easy to just start zoning out while they lecture on and on in that monotonous droning voice. A part of it seemed to be enormous personal confidence and charisma¡ªbut Tabitha recognized that it also wasn¡¯t just that. After all, the big and macho Coach Cooke was surely confident and charismatic in his own way, but did that necessarily make him a great teacher? She didn¡¯t think so. I managed to throw all of my enthusiasm into trying to make everything interesting for Hannah when I went through various things with her¡ªeven that was a little exhausting. It takes a lot of serious thought to convey things in the best way for her. To a lesser extent, it¡¯s the same when I communicate that way with my four cousins. As the SCOPE of how many kids I¡¯m trying to lead through something increases, the difficulty likewise ramps up. I can¡¯t imagine trying to direct an entire classroom! ¡°Alright, alright¡ªsimmer down, folks,¡± Mr. Peterson¡¯s voice cleared the chatter throughout the room. ¡°Today, you¡¯ll start off your first drawing project¡ªdrawing a subject from sight; onto yer paper. If I can direct your attention towards the center of each of your tables!¡± Vintage glass bottles with decorative molding, long-fluted champagne glasses, a martini glass, and an oversized empty wine bottle were collected atop a sheet of paper in the middle of each table. Along with prominent DO NOT TOUCH!! placards, the outline of the bottom of each glass vessel was traced upon the paper they rested on, to ensure their placement was exact even through different days with many different class periods. ¡°Yes sir, you will be looking at those from the perspective of your seat and then drawing them onto your paper,¡± Mr. Peterson clapped his hands. ¡°Pick a point to start at and go, people. We¡¯ll be working on these until Friday, Friday we¡¯ll be doin¡¯ somethin¡¯ new.¡± Then, they were off¡ªleft to their own devices to attempt drawing. The lone boy at their table, Eric, had started drawing early without permission, working away at capturing the bottles and glasses while they had been listening to Mr. Peterson explain pencil grips. Clarissa was withdrawn and not presenting herself as open or talkative and she simply began creating lines on the paper, while Tabitha, Stacy, and Vanessa exchanged uneasy looks with one another. ¡°But,¡± Vanessa huffed. ¡°I don¡¯t know how to draw. So, what, I just¡ªtry doing it, and hope it comes out okay? This is so frustrating. Annoying.¡± ¡°I¡­ guess?¡± Tabitha tried not to grimace. ¡°We have to start somewhere with it, after all. Mr. Peterson is going around to the tables and helping people?¡± ¡°Hoo-boy,¡± Stacy blew out a big breath. ¡°Uh. Here goes then, I guess?¡± ¡°Eric¡ªlet me see,¡± Vanessa demanded. ¡°This isn¡¯t fair¡ªand you cheated, you like, jumped the gun.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a drawing class,¡± Eric leaned in so he could hunch his arm and shoulder over the drawing to prevent her from peeking. ¡°They gave us paper, the stuff in the middle there is obviously for us to draw. S¡¯not rocket science, sheesh.¡± ¡°Sheesh!¡± Tabitha repeated. ¡°Sheesh,¡± Stacy joined in. ¡°Sheesh oh man.¡± ¡°Sheesh,¡± Vanessa echoed as well. ¡°Well. Whatever. S¡¯not gonna be my fault if it winds up looking like crap!¡± Picking an ¡®outermost corner point¡¯ as her starting position, Tabitha eyeballed the lip of the martini glass¡­ and began to draw. Holy crap. Her first line, which had been so bold and confident, wasn''t quite the right angle it needed to be¡ªthen, upon flipping her pencil around and hurrying to erase it she discovered she had been pressing too hard. The line of graphite pressed into her drawing sheet was one of those stubborn ones that didn¡¯t want to erase the whole way, even after furious scrubbing with the pink end of her pencil and creating murky specks of eraser sheddings she had to swipe away with the back of her hand. Acting with a lighter hand this time, Tabitha redrew the line at maybe the correct angle, then followed the contour of the martini glass in towards the thin stem. How long should this vertical line be? She wasn¡¯t sure, and without the confidence to accurately gauge the measurements of objects at a glance, she spent an awkward minute looking back and forth again and again between her target and her drawing paper while the line she was creating crept into being at a snail¡¯s place. Okay¡­ I may have DRASTICALLY underestimated how difficult this is, Tabitha snuck a look over at Clarissa, and saw a poorly-proportioned child¡¯s doodle of half a bottle depicted on her sheet. How does Alicia just¡­ I don¡¯t know, MAGIC stuff up, conjure it onto the page like it was always meant to be there? I think I need to go back through her stuff with like, new appreciation for her crazy amount of talent. ¡°Ugggghh, this sucks, this sucks,¡± Vanessa scowled, furiously erasing everything she had drawn and starting over. ¡°I¡¯m gonna fail art. I¡¯m totally, one hundred percent gonna fail this course. Stacy, yours looks good already, wow. Way better than mine. Eric¡ªlet me friggin¡¯ see.¡± With a slightly pained smile, Tabitha returned to her drawing. People were still talking here and there, but conversation was now more subdued as everyone attempted to recreate their own various glasses and bottles. She did not think her own inclinations leaned towards this kind of artwork, but all the same it was interesting to try, and it did push her thoughts in new directions. ¡°I should¡¯ve moved my chair first,¡± Vanessa remarked with a scowl. ¡°To like, get an easier angle. Where I¡¯m sitting it¡¯s like, the most complicated way to draw these. I hope he takes that into account when he¡¯s grading. I mean¡ªc¡¯mon, look at this. That one¡¯s behind the other one all weird.¡± I¡¯ve learned a lot already! Tabitha marveled at the imperfect silhouette of a martini glass on her paper¡ªit was a little crooked. I¡¯ve learned some subtle little things about teaching, I¡¯ve learned how I hold a pencil, and I¡¯ve learned¡­ that Vanessa can¡¯t work and talk at the same time! Whenever she opens her mouth, her progress stalls, she¡¯ll be lucky to have half of this done by Friday. Am I the same? It¡¯s hard to say. I don¡¯t try to speak while I draw, and even THINKING about everything like this feels like it¡¯s slowing my sketch speed down. I don¡¯t get into quite the same kind of focused ZEN MODE I do when I write¡ªbut, maybe that too will come with practice? It was something to ruminate upon, and perhaps something to ask Alicia about. Did practice and patience make drawing things become an effortless endeavor for her? Would applying that same logic work towards being social, or good with people; meeting people, making friends with classmates, being funny, teaching things to Hannah and her cousins? Hell¡ªflirting. That was a big scary one, still, despite her teasing attempt earlier with Bobby¡­ which had probably been a little too uncomfortably candid. Would things eventually be easy and effortless like she had always fantasized being popular would be? I sure hope so, Tabitha mused as her pencil drew the awkward outline of a bottle. I guess it still just mostly comes back to confidence. Experience. Because¡ªwhere¡¯s the fun of being popular, if to do so you¡¯re exhausted and stressed the heck out by the actual process of it? Or, is that still just me locked into the INTROVERT way of thinking? As if that¡¯s a handwriting technique that I just keep slipping back into out of habit, even when what I really want to do is draw freely?
The last hour of the school day flew by, with Tabitha completing a somewhat accurate outline of the bottles and glasses and even starting in on filling in some details. With a parting wave and friendly goodbyes to her friends at table six, Tabitha slung her book bag onto one shoulder and headed through the crowds towards the bus loop. Overall, she felt good about today¡ªforcing herself to be outgoing was stressful, but maybe not the terrifying and impossible endeavor it had seemed to be many months ago. She cast idle glances across the backpacks and shoulders of those walking in front of her and around her down the locker-lined hallway, and noticed the different faces of teens as they laughed with their friends or glowered alone in annoyance at the prospect of homework or seemed lost in their own little worlds of thought. Tabitha felt more like one of them, now. Not a traumatized, socially stunted child like in her first life, or an outsider ¡®adult¡¯ existence improbably transplanted from the future as she had been a few months ago. I can now effortlessly¡ªwell, ALMOST effortlessly¡ªblend in with everyone, Tabitha thought to herself with a wry smile. What a feat! Hah. I feel like I¡¯ve overcome a whole pile of uh, well I guess you¡¯d call them IDENTITY ISSUES? In her prior lifetime, a handful of severe instances made Tabitha certain that she was a loser, a victim¡ªa whole host of negative traits were used to define herself, and she isolated herself from attempting to make friendships, or improve herself, or even really address the damage and learn to move on from that. Years and years passed and though she grew up without maturing, Tabitha decided that maybe wasn¡¯t so uncommon as she might have thought. The other men and women she worked with at the Line Safety plant were for the most part adults with the mentality of children, they simply disguised their total immaturity with a facade of adultness¡ªlike drinking, getting wasted, or boasting that all their after work hours were spent at the bar. Sleeping around, cheating on their boyfriends, or bragging about having an affair because of how frustrated they were with their terrible husbands. When I got to my later years, I THOUGHT myself more mature, simply because I considered myself so much more sensible than my co-workers. They were so self-centered and vain, unable to ever acknowledge their own faults or work on improving themselves, and always oh so quick to avoid any and all accountability. If anything, now that felt like she had been criticizing others for struggling at a game Tabitha herself was too afraid of even attempting to play. My bullies back when I first went through high school weren¡¯t EVIL like I wanted to make them out to be, they weren¡¯t just villains because they were stereotypical MEAN GIRLS. And, I wasn¡¯t some saint simply by virtue of the fact that I happened to be the victim when they were lashing out. In fact, most of the HIGH SCHOOL bullying I was just so absolutely terrified of can basically be summed up by girls feeling the impulse to constantly test one another. We¡¯re like a bunch of carnivorous fish all stuck in the same fish bowl together, and it¡¯s eat or be eaten. With boys it¡¯s all of the macho bullshit and bravado that establishes their pecking order, with girls it¡¯s all kinds of vicious gossip and backstabbing. Today it felt like she had flown off the handle retorting at that Amanda girl¡ªit felt like a different, unfamiliar Tabitha hiding inside of her had burst out on a wave of anger and indignation. Even her seemingly candid let¡¯s just have a fresh start and try to be friends, okay where she had re-introduced herself didn¡¯t really pass muster. Because obviously, deep down she was upset, and did not suddenly want to be genuine friends with Amanda. It had been making a flimsy show at pretending herself unbothered and on some moral high ground, while attempting to make Amanda seem petty. It seems so strange looking back on it¡ªlike I¡¯m watching someone else in my body, Tabitha found herself wanting to rationalize it, to make excuses. I WANT to be popular without all of the fakeness and girl politick, but I also need to be super aware of what a slippery slope it is that I¡¯m trying to climb now. Without even realizing it, someday I might discover I¡¯M the one being mean and hurting others, just because I can find some way to justify it to myself. Someday in the following few years, I might find myself in Clarissa¡¯s shoes back the day she stole my binder¡ªmaking fun of someone, picking on someone because of some US versus THEM mentality that distorts my own perception about what I¡¯m doing. She thought that maybe it would start with little things, like ¡®they started it first, I was just retaliating.¡¯ It was HARD to take abuse from others and return only goodwill and forgiveness and understanding. Most of the awful things that happened throughout high school were likely cycles of petty revenge turning endlessly because they were too difficult to break. Not to mention how amplified teenage emotions were, simmering as they were in an uncontrollable cocktail of endorphins and hormones that sometimes seemed to puppet Tabitha¡¯s mood upon the janky strings of adolescence. How many unintentional slights begat bitter feuds throughout these halls? Tabitha wondered. Little things that became bigger things, just because someone felt especially hurt by them. Hell, rumors fly around like crazy, just because hearsay and drama is INTERESTING. Tiffany was a great example¡ªit¡¯s obvious she was just REALLY into all of that stuff. Yet, it¡¯s so easy for half-truths to grow into complete lies, for context to be lost between retellings or even different context just made up, entirely fabricated out of pure conjecture! Until THE STORY on someone or WHAT HAPPENED WITH THIS OR THAT is far removed from reality. But, these things persist anyways and really color everyone¡¯s perception of each other. ¡°In short, it¡¯s all a total disaster,¡± Tabitha muttered to herself, pausing for a moment when the buses came into sight. But, I want to have my cake, and eat it too. To be popular, but without acting like I see the popular girls behave with one another. It probably wasn¡¯t even possible. She found the idea put her on edge, because she was frightened of becoming like the mean girls she had always despised, but then also the idea of not trying to change, not trying to be popular was a different, perhaps scarier prospect. Because she had done the not trying thing before, she had done the avoidance and isolation life before, and it hadn¡¯t made her happy at all. No, it made me warped and miserable and full of issues and hangups about everything. ¡°I guess, here¡¯s to hoping my friends can help keep my grounded?¡± Tabitha said to herself as she stepped forward. They¡¯ll keep me sticking to what I should, and I¡¯ll do the same for them. Like Olivia said¡ªJB Weld. Need to stop thinking of myself as an island, dare to rely on my friendships a bit. Elena, Alicia. Hannah. Mrs. Macintire. Hell, maybe even Bobby. Coach Baylor. The girls in Personal Fitness. Maybe. Tabitha skirted around the many others meandering along the curb of the bus loop in search of the bus with the J-13 taped to the front window. It was hard not to be a little anxious and grow hyper aware of her surroundings here¡ªjust like yesterday, there had been a pang of anxiety that quickened her step and had her mindful and looking out for pushers. There were no Chris Thompsons today to give her a shove thankfully, and within a minute Tabitha found her bus and then clomped up the stairs to board. ¡°Sup, Tabby,¡± Gary called from one of the middle seats. ¡°Uh¡ªsup, Gary,¡± Tabitha waved. ¡°You cool?¡± Gary asked, eyes narrowing as if in an attempt to read her expression. ¡°I, um?¡± Tabitha flashed a big smile of embarrassment. ¡°Man, I dunno? S¡¯one of those days¡ªI just can¡¯t stop thinking. Stressing. My head¡¯s just going around and around and around to different things, and it feels like I¡¯m getting nowhere? Plus. I have homework. I used to be all the reclusive library hermit, so my stuff got done ahead of time, but now I spend all my time trying to be a people person, and none of those homework assignments are done? It¡¯s all overwhelming sometimes¡ªit feels weird. It feels so weird that I¡¯m like, babbling at you?¡± ¡°Hey,¡± Gary nodded, shooting her back a grin that either said he understood completely, or that he hadn¡¯t been listening to a word she said. ¡°Homework sucks.¡± ¡°Homework sucks,¡± Tabitha agreed, deciding it was a better way to sum up her thoughts. ¡°Thanks for uh, thanks for listening. Good talk, G.¡± ¡°Good talk,¡± Gary pursed his lips at her and nodded his head. She knew she was already blushing when she slipped into one of the seats near him, but making some effort to always chat with Gary was still good practice. It was weird that she was allowed to just vent at people, that doing so was okay and maybe even normal. Even when it was obvious Gary didn¡¯t particularly care about her day. Tabitha dropping what felt like a random bunch of exposition on a near stranger was probably a semi-acceptable social thing to do, within certain bounds. Thank you, Vanessa, Tabitha thought with a small smile. I¡¯m, well. I¡¯m learning! It¡¯s okay to just¡­ COMPLAIN, sometimes. To vent. It might even make me more relatable? It¡¯s a people thing. So long as I don¡¯t go overboard with it, or make it into a serious habit of just complaining all the time.
Refusing to allow herself to grow complacent, Tabitha made a point to sit down at the dining room table and finish her homework right away upon coming home from school. The particular World History worksheet itself was easy, but getting it done was more challenging than she remembered. She was the same focused and driven Tabitha who had breezed through all of her assignments several months ago, but now her focus and drive was spread out in many many different ways. ¡°Done,¡± Tabitha said with a surge of pride, sliding the paper off of the table just to slap it back down again for no particular reason. ¡°It¡¯s out of the way, now,¡± Tabitha voiced her feelings to the empty dining room. ¡°I don¡¯t have to fret about doing it, anymore. It¡¯s not hanging over my head, now. I don¡¯t have to stress about this one particular thing anymore. I¡¯ve started talking to myself, haven¡¯t I? Like a crazy person.¡± ¡°Homework?¡± Officer Macintire asked. ¡°GAH?!¡± Tabitha all but jumped out of her seat, and her flailing hand sent her worksheet curling through the air to land on the carpet. ¡°Y-you uh, you scared the bajeezus out of me.¡± ¡°Forgot I lived here too, huh?¡± Officer Macintire gave her a grin¡ªhe was fully dressed today as if to go out somewhere, jeans and an Ohio State sweater. ¡°No, I ah, no, I¡¯m still just used to, I¡¯ve been used to you just uh, napping around this time? I guess?¡± Tabitha struggled to recompose herself. ¡°You were up and about yesterday, too. Are you¡ªgoing somewhere? Are you allowed to go somewhere?¡± ¡°Hah, listen to you,¡± Officer Macintire shook his head. ¡°Am I allowed. Stevie¡¯s gonna be on by here in a minute with my wheels. I¡¯m gonna be back at the station and on light duty later this week! Back to the grind. Figured it was cause for a little celebration, so I was gonna swing on out and pick up steaks or ribs or somethin¡¯ for tonight. Fancy comin¡¯ along with to Food Lion? Since you¡¯ve been doing just about all the cooking, seems more¡¯n fair to let you grab whatever else it is we might need.¡± ¡°Oh, um¡­ sure,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I can cook steaks on a skillet? I, uh, I know you have a grill outside, but I don¡¯t have a ton of experience using a grill¡­¡± ¡°Hannah bug and I¡¯ll show you all the tricks!¡± Officer Macintire chuckled. ¡°No worries. Figure we¡¯ll head out in a bit then, soon as Stevie rolls up with my cruiser. Then we¡¯ll pick up Hannah from her stop, and then¡ªporterhouse steaks. Barbeque ribs, bacon burgers. Smoked sausages, pulled pork maybe? It¡¯s all I¡¯ve been thinkin¡¯ about for months. ¡°Hell, I¡ªno offense Tabby girl, I love your cooking, you¡¯ve been doin¡¯ great. But, you¡¯ve been makin¡¯ do with whatever¡¯n it is my wife¡¯s buyin¡¯ at the grocery¡ªand a man cannot live on salads, snack wraps, and turkey sandwiches alone. It¡¯s just not right.¡± ¡°Are you¡­ allowed?¡± Tabitha winced as she tried to figure out a better way to phrase it. ¡°I mean, um¡ªI remember back when you were restricted to just soft foods, that wasn¡¯t that long ago. If¡ª¡± ¡°Yes. I am allowing myself,¡± Officer Macintire insisted. ¡°If I can walk around on my own okay and I¡¯m okay to drive, then I¡¯m allowed to eat like a damned human being again.¡± ¡°C-can I call and check with Sandra?¡± Tabitha asked with a teasing grin. ¡°To make sure?¡± ¡°Honey, of course you can,¡± Officer Macintire nodded in agreement. ¡°But, only after we¡¯ve picked everything up and have it started on the grill. S¡¯easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Didn¡¯t your parents teach you that?¡± ¡°...I¡¯m calling your wife.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you dare!¡± 58, Home is where the heart is. As always, a trip to Springton¡¯s Food Lion was a nostalgic affair. In her past life she had stopped shopping there when she moved out of the trailer for college¡ªeven after moving ¡®back¡¯ to the area, her apartment was over towards the other side of town. At that point she had gotten groceries at the Kroger in Fairfield, since it was closer. Memories of the Food Lion here in town from her past life now were scant¡ªshe maybe remembered following behind her father with the shopping cart, listless and annoyed to be there. Memories from her present life had stolen center stage, because this was where Tabitha hunted carefully for bargains and cross-checked coupon prices throughout this past summer. Her parents finally conceding the food planning to her had been one of the first instances of regaining agency and starting to feel like her life was in her control again, so they were positive memories. Even more than those ones, she remembered coming here for ice cream to celebrate right when they¡¯d taken her home from the hospital. Was excited and just so¡­ HAPPY. It was one of those rare moments where I felt like I was connecting with my ¡®child¡¯ self, Tabitha recalled, unbuckling her seatbelt. Riding in the back of a police squad car was a novel experience, because Tabitha hadn¡¯t thought cops were allowed to use their patrol vehicles for personal errands. Apparently, here in Springton it was even somewhat encouraged; an off-duty officer was still an officer, and the presence of a police car throughout town was a reassurance to everyone, and in theory helped to deter crime. ¡°Alright girls, looks like I can¡¯t keep you under arrest,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled. The man opened the rear door for Hannah so that she could hop out, and with a wry smile Tabitha opened her side and also climbed out. Immediately the bobbing dark hair of Hannah crossed around the back of the vehicle and took Tabitha¡¯s hand¡ªthen, Hannah led Tabitha to the waiting Officer Macintire and held his hand as well. The parking lot and crossing the street rules were in solid effect; they all had to be holding hands. Feel like this would be a funny kinda-sorta prank to pull on my friends, Tabitha thought. Sometime or other when we¡¯re all together, and Hannah¡¯s there. Since Elena got so fussy about teenagers holding hands during the movie. The trip down the row of parked cars to the storefront was difficult¡ªor rather, Hannah was being difficult today. The little girl was pulling them both forward as if incredibly impatient to get there, and she even dropped down as if to hang her body weight from each of their arms once. ¡°No, Hannah,¡± The girl¡¯s father scolded. ¡°Not this time. We can¡¯t be swinging you like we used to¡ªyou¡¯re eight hundred pounds now, and Tabitha¡¯s not gonna put up with all your weight like that.¡± ¡°Ugh! Fine,¡± Hannah pouted, instead swinging each of their held hands back and forth. Tabitha could almost picture it¡ªa slightly younger Hannah exclaiming with glee as her feet lifted off the ground, swung between her two parents. It was surely something she was used to doing while walking with her father. Or, perhaps Hannah just wasn¡¯t as behaved when she was around her dad, because Sandra was the one who was more quick to scold her in situations. ¡°Thank you, Hannah,¡± Tabitha said, giving the little hand a squeeze. ¡°In fact¡ªjust a little bit slower, please. I had a looong day at school, and even just walking here like this, I¡¯m a little out of breath.¡± It was actually Officer Macintire who was having trouble matching the seven-year-old¡¯s excited pace. He was walking about as steadily as she remembered seeing him walk yesterday when they went to the bus stop together, but it was still a sedate, careful walk. The man had been stuck in bed for most of the past several months and was just beginning to finish his recovery. Officer Macintire gave Tabitha a small, appreciative smile at helping cover for him, and Tabitha quickly looked away, blushing out of control. Wh-wha-what the fuck?! Tabitha felt a giddy rush. That was the most fatherliest thing I¡¯ve ever seen in my life. He¡¯s SO HANDSOME. That was like, THE father move of father moves. Except he¡¯s not MY dad, he¡¯s this hot older guy I¡¯m living with. No, HE¡¯S NOT HOT. He¡¯s taken. He¡¯s married already. Chill! Calm down. Ease off, hormones! He¡¯s not on the menu. Just, uh yeah, SHEESH, okay Sandy fine yeah, your husband is very good looking. Tabitha stared intently down towards the pavement as she watched her new shoes take each step to cross the pedestrian area in front of the Food Lion. She¡¯d had a few slightly starry-eyed moments with Bobby where she was feeling a little infatuated, and then she remembered a burst of this strange sudden attraction back when she first met Matthew Williams. That one had faded away, and surely this one would, too. I want to say I just need laid, but that is NOT happening anytime soon, Tabitha struggled to shove down the unwelcome feelings. If ever. I well, I maybe do need some sort of safe outlet for¡­ THAT kind of stuff. Not even a SEXUAL one or like ¡®private time¡¯ or anything like that¡ªthose harlequin novels she gave me didn¡¯t do much for me. I feel like getting the cast off and getting cleared to run again will help a ton. That¡¯s a SAFE outlet. Feel like it helps stabilize all my crazy moods, gives them a way to¡­ I don¡¯t know, vent or something. Good exercise, getting my workout zen on, into that sort of meditation zone. They crossed up the small ramp cut into the curbside area, and Tabitha released Hannah¡¯s hand, following behind the father and daughter pair as the way forward became too narrow to comfortably pass with the three of them side-by-side. Double-doors automatically opened for them, and directly above, a blower of some sort was installed and attempting to push back the January air from creeping inside. Officer Macintire began to tug a shopping cart out of the nested line of carts queued up, but Hannah slapped his hands away and put up a mighty struggle to pull one out herself. ¡°Dad! I push the cart. Remember?!¡± ¡°Hah¡ªokay, okay. Can you get it out, though?¡± ¡°Hnnnghh¡ªyeah I can get it out. It¡¯s stuck, though. Dad¡ª¡± ¡°Want me to get it? Here¡ª¡± ¡°No! I¡¯ve got it. hnnn-nngghhh! Tabitha, help pull this¡ª¡± ¡°Here¡ª¡± Officer Macintire tried again. ¡°No! We¡¯ve got it!¡± ¡°Alright, Hannah,¡± Tabitha gave Officer Macintire an apologetic smile as she stepped forward and put one hand on the cart¡¯s long handlebar alongside Hannah¡¯s hands. ¡°Are you ready?¡± ¡°Yeah! I¡¯m ready.¡± ¡°One, two¡ª¡± ¡°Three!!¡± Hannah yanked with her entire body. The stubborn shopping cart disengaged from the one it was stuck in with a loud clatter as the metal mesh of that one dropped down¡ªHannah almost lost her footing and was bowled over as their prize rolled back into them, but Tabitha managed to scoop her up. Officer Macintire let out an over dramatic sigh for Hannah¡¯s sake, and Hannah responded with a smile so gleeful it bordered on bratty. ¡°See? We got it. All by ourselves!¡± Hannah said, taking the handle and swiveling the cart towards the inside of the store in a wild motion. ¡°All by ourselves.¡± ¡°Hannah!¡± Tabitha warned. ¡°Careful, please. There¡¯s other customers here, too.¡± ¡°Oh, she¡¯s fine!¡± An older woman beamed down at Hannah as she pushed a cart full of grocery bags out through the exit. ¡°She¡¯s adorable!¡± ¡°I know,¡± Officer Macintire shook his head and let out another aggrieved sigh. ¡°Hannah Piana, why don¡¯t you let Tabby steer the cart for us today?¡± ¡°I want to steer,¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°And, it¡¯s not piana, it¡¯s pian-o.¡± ¡°I think¡­ she must just be excited to be out with you again, after so long?¡± Tabitha said with a wince. ¡°Pssh, no I¡¯m not,¡± Hannah retorted, so much sarcasm dripping in her voice that Tabitha¡¯s eyebrows rose up. ¡°I just want to push the cart!¡± Yeah, I can tell¡ªI was just trying to make excuses for you, Tabitha put on a strained smile. I¡¯m not used to seeing THIS Hannah come out. I remember Mrs. Williams and Mrs. Macintire both warning me about what a little monster she can be, but I guess over time I thought they must be exaggerating. Nope! Here it is. She¡¯s like an angel when she¡¯s just with me, and kind of extra snarky when she¡¯s with her mother, and then when she¡¯s around her dad¡­ apparently she¡¯s more like this? It was hard to understand the change in dynamic, because Officer Macintire didn¡¯t seem like a bad dad. On the contrary, he seemed like a picture-perfect sitcom father. He still chided Hannah when appropriate and was mindful of her and what she was doing, so it was hard to fathom where all of this sudden attitude from Hannah sprung up from, here. I guess¡­ it¡¯s just not something I can understand right away? Tabitha walked beside Hannah with her good hand guiding along the girl¡¯s back. I barely even comprehend the weird situation between me and my own father, I can¡¯t just assume I¡¯ll be able to look at the Macintires and the way they act and GET IT all of the sudden. But, yeah. She¡¯s seven, and sometimes she¡¯s just gonna be a total handful. Need to appreciate how good she is most of the rest of the time. Tabitha realized she had been extraordinarily blessed to have seen so much of Hannah¡¯s good side¡ªbut also now this was embarrassing, because she felt responsible for Hannah and wanted to help her be on her best behavior. As the girl¡¯s live-in nanny, there with their family for the express purpose of helping them take care of Hannah, wasn¡¯t that her duty? This made her feel awkward, inadequate, like she was all at once revealed to have been doing a terrible job. And, right in front of her dad! Ughh! ¡°Hannah,¡± Tabitha asked in a gentle voice. ¡°A little slower, please.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t have to go that slow,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Look. See?¡± They followed the shopping cart together into the store proper, and Tabitha cast a wistful look across the long aisles of different products. There was always so much to take in; fluorescent lights high up above, the big promotional display of pepsi boxes. The antiquated terminals at each of the check out stations, the afternoon customers shopping, and the quaint aprons over uniforms each of the cashiers was dressed in. One of the heavyset women working over there even had orange hair which was almost the same shade as Tabitha¡¯s own. That¡¯s rare, Tabitha thought to herself, frowning as she watched for the woman to turn so she could see her face. She almost looks like¡ª The step of her Nike Air Maxes slowed as Tabitha¡¯s mind seemed to lurch to a halt, and the protective hand she had kept at Hannah¡¯s back was suddenly reaching for air as the little girl moved on without her. Mom¡­? That couldn¡¯t be, because it was impossible¡ªbut she recognized that cashier over there, and it was her mother. Shannon Moore. Except, her mother couldn¡¯t be here working at a Food Lion, because that was completely impossible. Tabitha¡¯s mind whirled as it attempted to compute what she was seeing, but only returned errors, because this was not something she could parse. What¡¯s she doing here? Her mother was checking out a customer, passing item after item through the scanner and bagging them as if she was a cashier here. Which she couldn¡¯t be, because her mother never left the house¡ªMrs. Moore had severe social anxiety and some form of agoraphobia. She was a shut-in, she always had been. In defiance of these facts, her eyes saw a very different reality, one where her mother was instead working at the grocery store here in town. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Officer Macintire paused, sounding unsure as to why she had stopped. ¡°That¡¯s¡ª¡± Tabitha wanted to let out a laugh of disbelief. ¡°That¡¯s my mom. Over there.¡± ¡°What?¡± Hannah stopped and looked back. How is she out of the house? Tabitha¡¯s mind was racing. How does she have A JOB. She¡¯s never had a job before¡ªnot since back before I was born, whatever modeling or advertising stuff that didn¡¯t work out. Acting and whatever. She never left the house after that¡ªsh-she didn¡¯t even get a job after dad passed. It was, she didn¡¯t, this can¡¯t¡ª?! The timeline had changed, because in this divergent reality, her mother was able to get a job. She¡¯s pregnant¡ªI don¡¯t know HOW I keep forgetting that, Tabitha swore to herself. Not even just that, everything¡¯s different. The home situation. I¡¯m not there, and we, we aren¡¯t the same with each other, we kind of bonded a little, and I started to get her eating better. She OPENED UP about the stuff with her past. I think the logic of it is sound¡ªshe¡¯s pregnant, and with another child on the way, they¡¯ll need more income. Probably. It makes sense. Her mind could make sense of it maybe, but her heart could not. She was used to understanding her mother in certain ways that no longer applied, Tabitha¡¯s mental picture of her mother was mapped into a box that she shouldn¡¯t have been able to get out of. Things had changed, but Tabitha hadn¡¯t realized how much they had changed, for her mother to be out here among people, working a job. The sudden dissonance was a startling wake up call¡ªand guilt followed with it. She was in tears back when we had dinner at Applebees, and she took my side when we had Christmas, Tabitha wanted to groan with frustration at her own apparent ignorance. She was mad at dad, she¡¯s BEEN upset with him. The day I left, she was sobbing, I remember seeing her yell at him. Tell us that of course we had their permission for me to stay with the Macintires. There seemed to be a sad combination of denial and detachment at play that clouded Tabitha¡¯s perception in this direction, and it was incredibly frustrating to feel so out of touch with what was really going on. She knew her mother had changed, but also she refused to really accept it, believe it, internalize it as truth. The issues with her immediate family drove her to avoid thinking about them whenever possible, or to replace that sort of actual thinking with just a long series of unfavorable comparisons to the Macintires. ¡°Oh,¡± Officer Macintire made a noise of surprise at spotting Mrs. Moore. ¡°Wow¡ªdidn¡¯t realize your mom worked here.¡± ¡°...Neither did I,¡± Tabitha said, still stunned. ¡°I didn¡¯t know.¡± ¡°You okay?¡± Officer Macintire asked. ¡°I¡ªyeah, yeah,¡± Tabitha tore her eyes away from her mother. ¡°We can, um, let¡¯s get everything we need. And then, if it¡¯s okay¡ªI¡¯ll talk with her? We can check out in her line.¡± ¡°Sure, yeah,¡± The man nodded. ¡°So long as you¡¯re cool.¡± I don¡¯t think I¡¯m cool. Tabitha wandered along behind Officer Macintire and a now very wary looking Hannah as they started for the side of the store where the wrapped packs of meat lined the open cooler displays. She didn¡¯t know what to think or how to feel, but Tabitha knew she was not okay with this. No, that wasn¡¯t right. It was good that Mrs. Moore had somehow broken out of her shell and was out amidst people; great, even. It was Tabitha who was in the wrong, for abandoning her mother so thoroughly and jumping ship to an easier life. That¡¯s¡­ not completely right, either, Tabitha thought, feeling like she¡¯d swallowed a bug. I just. I don¡¯t know. I couldn¡¯t BE THERE. I needed time, and then even when all this time has passed, and¡ªI haven¡¯t put much of any honest thought towards even going back. Because things are so much BETTER at the Macintires, living with them. I was supposed to be working through things and resolving all of that, and instead I¡¯ve just been off thinking about my NEW LIFE, not thinking about them at all. Because¡ªI left them behind. Suddenly being made to confront a lot of uncomfortable truths had her head spinning, because she hadn¡¯t been prepared to delve back into this at all. Tabitha was in her high school mindset, she had been thinking about Bobby, thinking about becoming popular, about her new friends and new life. Not much thought at all had been spared towards her actual parents, who still lived at the old trailer in the trailer park, as trailer trash. What do I say to her? Tabitha¡¯s stomach fell. What do I DO, here? I honestly just want to keep running away from this, to run and run and run away from all of THAT and never look back. But also, I CAN¡¯T. Because¡ªI do love my mom. And my dad, I love both of them. Just, coming to terms with the idea that they¡¯re not, I don¡¯t know. The same? That he¡¯s not the same stubborn infuriating dad who can¡¯t listen to reason, that she¡¯s not the insufferable trailer park despot she used to be. No, I¡¯ve known she hasn¡¯t been like that for a while, now. The boys, too! Tabitha¡¯s heart fell. How long has it been since I visited them? Aside from that hour or two there at Christmas, I never go over there and play with them, any more. I don¡¯t spend time with grandma Laurie, even after EVERYTHING she¡¯s done for me. Sewing together like we used to, or looking through magazines for ideas, or just TALKING. I just¡­ traipsed on out of their lives, because I had traded up for something better, basically. Left all of them behind. The thought of going back terrified her, and now the thought of not going back also filled her with dread. Tabitha had to do something, she knew she did, but she had no idea what to do. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Hannah now looked frustrated to be stuck pushing the cart, and dropped one hand off of the handlebar there as if tempted to leave it behind. ¡°Are you¡ªare you okay?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡ªsurprised?¡± Tabitha answered. ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°That¡¯s your mom?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I uh, I think you¡¯ve maybe met her? I don¡¯t know if you would remember. From the hospital. I know you were both there the day they took me home from the hospital, we um, we visited your dad there before we left.¡± ¡°I remember,¡± Hannah said, staring at her with an expression Tabitha didn¡¯t know how to decipher. ¡°Do you have to see her?¡± ¡°I think so,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°Hannah Piana, s¡¯not like she¡¯s gonna just pretend she didn¡¯t notice her own mom,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled. ¡°We¡¯ve all gotta at least stop through and say hi.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± Hannah took on a strange, almost manic look for a moment¡ªa sudden sharp intake of breath as though she might suddenly start to cry, a hard look at the tiled floor of Food Lion as if forcing her eyes not to water. Then, Hannah pivoted on her heel and righted the shopping cart again, pushing it forward slowly now, purposefully. Bossy, bad behavior Hannah had been forcefully boxed away and shelved deep within Hannah¡¯s psyche somehow. It was a fascinating scene and Tabitha would have loved to understand what was going through the little girl¡¯s head, exactly, but her own thoughts were such a mess that she wasn¡¯t even sure where to begin. She doesn¡¯t want me to go back to living with them, obviously, Tabitha thought she understood. But, that¡¯s not something that would happen anyways. Is it? I can¡¯t even imagine leaving, at this point. On the other hand though, there¡¯s some small part of me that I guess can¡¯t imagine NOT leaving. Not going back, at least for a little bit. Not figuring out what is going on with them and me, resolving things there. Oh, lord. What am I going to even do? Tabitha¡¯s decision paralysis only worsened as they looked through the steaks on display. She stood by and stared with a frown as Officer Macintire leaned in to peer over all the meat and remark upon how mouthwatering everything looked. Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure if the man was just teasing Hannah, or if those were his genuine thoughts¡ªthe red slabs filling all of the little plastic-wrapped foam trays just looked like uncooked meat to her. The fact that Officer Macintire saw the cuts not as they appeared to be now, but for their potential was a¡­ it was like. It meant¡­ something? Half of an analogy failed to meaningfully bridge over onto a comparable idea and collapsed into confusion, unable to become metaphor. Tabitha couldn¡¯t focus, and trying to turn her thoughts away from this predicament with her mother was futile, because¡­ because¡­? Because like with Hannah steering the shopping cart, I don¡¯t control where it goes? Tabitha tried. Oh, Hannah¡ªstop, stop. The little girl had braced her feet where they stood beside the meat department and was swinging the cart back and forth in a restless way while her father was occupied. The movements were small, but they had the edge of the cart dipping out past their section of the aisle and potentially blocked off other shoppers from passing them. It wasn¡¯t a big deal, but already Tabitha was swallowing back a stern reprimand, because annoyance had welled up inside her and almost burst out. ¡°What about this one, what do you think, Hannah?¡± Officer Macintire presented a large sirloin steak for her approval. ¡°No way,¡± Hannah sounded almost as frustrated as Tabitha was. ¡°That one¡¯s all bloody.¡± ¡°Hah, well¡ªyeah, they all look that way now,¡± Officer Macintire teased, returning to the row of meat and comparing the package in hand to another one. ¡°But, okay. We¡¯ll get one s¡¯not too icky and bloody.¡± The good humor in his voice now rubbed Tabitha the wrong way¡ªeverything was getting under her skin all of the sudden. She wanted to step up and grab the nose of the cart that was slightly waggling back and forth and hold it in place, she wanted them to just pick whatever and immediately leave, she wanted to just not be here and to not have happened across this new problem today. No, not problem. My mother isn¡¯t a problem, Tabitha grimaced. I just, I don¡¯t know what to do here, and I don¡¯t want to deal with it. Can¡¯t handle confronting my mother right now. Getting into¡­ all of this. All of that. Eventually Officer Macintire chuckled to himself and seemed to arrive at a decision¡ªinstead of weighing the merit of the steak in one hand against the other, he tossed them both into the cart. That he was so privileged as to not have to choose made something dark bubble up inside of Tabitha, and she had to carefully compose her expression so as to not let those overwhelming teenage feelings get the best of her. ¡°We¡¯re getting them both?¡± Hannah also seemed surprised. ¡°Won¡¯t that be too much?¡± ¡°What can I say, I want ¡®em both,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°We can put one away for a bit and have it later on down the week, if we don¡¯t finish the first one. You¡¯ve gotta remember there¡¯s four of us at home, now.¡± Hannah turned to regard Tabitha at the pointed reminder, and Tabitha wanted to open her mouth and refute it¡ªto say that they didn¡¯t need to buy more expensive cuts of meat just on her behalf. No words came out, she didn¡¯t trust herself to say things right, and instead she simply felt awkward and embarrassed. Everything felt wrong. What do I say to my mother? Tabitha¡¯s mind reeled through one unlikely option after another. Hi! Yeah, so nice to see you. No, a generic, impersonal greeting was completely out of place here, because it didn¡¯t express surprise or interest at the unexpected circumstance of her mother working a cashier position all of the sudden. Tabitha didn¡¯t know how to address that, because she was shocked, and it wasn¡¯t as if she could just remark upon it off the cuff either without sounding incredibly rude. Mom. What are you DOING here? That was closer to Tabitha¡¯s honest feelings, her need to know, but it was a blunt, bludgeoning method of inquiry that she had no way of delivering. Because the answer was obvious and self-evident; Mrs. Moore was working a job. People didn¡¯t work minimum wage service positions like that on a whim or just for fun, they worked them because they needed immediate income, and actual better employment wasn¡¯t tenable for any number of reasons. Like being pregnant. Why hire on for a more stable, long-term position if you¡¯re just months away from maternity leave, or not planning on sticking around? I KNOW why she¡¯s here, she¡¯s here for a paycheck, and she¡¯s here for a paycheck because there¡¯s another mouth to feed on the way. Tabitha¡¯s thoughts on the matter spun round and round without ever arriving on something conclusive, because she still wanted to demand to know what her mother was doing here. As if the logical, rational answers to her question needed to be set aside and disregarded, because they were impossible. Shannon Moore, the total reclusive shut in, had freed herself from the prison of her mobile home and fourteen years of steeping in her own bitter self-loathing somehow, and was out among people. No, no that¡¯s not fair anymore, Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but cross her arms tightly in front of herself¡ªshe told herself she was warding off the chill from the refrigerated display. Mom¡¯s not like she used to be, I was already seeing that. She started WALKING with me. On the little exercise loop I was doing around the trailer park. There was that one time back during Halloween¡ªshe called my friends, planned for us to have a get together. When I had just thought it would be me and the boys. SHE TALKED TO ELENA¡¯S MOTHER. She talked to Elena¡¯s mother, after I told Elena¡¯s mom that there was no way she would talk to her. So, I was already mentally unable to see my mother growing outside of the mental box I had put her in. Right from that there already. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Officer Macintire prompted her. ¡°Hm?¡± Tabitha jolted out of her thoughts. ¡°Asked if you¡¯re a fan of pork,¡± He gestured with a wrapped pack of what appeared to be reddish-brown mulch. ¡°Pulled pork like for sandwiches, these ones¡¯re already done up in spicy barbeque. We could do these instead of the turkey ones like you¡¯ve been making, but oh man they can be a whole lot messier.¡± ¡°Too messy,¡± Hannah cast her vote, eyeing the pulled pork with skepticism. ¡°It looks gross, like it¡¯s already been chewed. Gross.¡± ¡°Oh, um,¡± Tabitha blanched. ¡°Whatever you want¡ªif you want pulled pork for sandwiches, I can make them.¡± He gave her a look she didn¡¯t know how to interpret, like he was sad or concerned or aware of the inner turmoil she was no doubt failing to conceal, but Tabitha didn¡¯t know how to engage with that. Parental figures weren¡¯t supposed to pick up on those sort of cues, were they? Maybe it was because he was a cop? Tabitha wasn¡¯t comfortable addressing her own obvious discomfort, so she turned her attention to the things he had already thrown into the cart. Sirloin steak, two different packages. A pack of Italian sausages; Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how she would cook those. Maybe they were things that were intended to be grilled? She remembered Sharon at the Springton Town Hall office had Italian sausages simmering in a crock pot full of spicy sauce in the break room for special occasions. They had filled the entire wing with a peculiar smell that was both appetizing and a little off-putting. Tabitha had never dared to try them, always sticking to ¡®safe¡¯ foods she was sure she liked. Every Christmas I think she had something in that crock pot going, and I never ever once even tried any of it, Tabitha remembered. She felt like her writer brain was trying to bridge that over into another analogy to help her grapple with her present circumstances, but Tabitha didn¡¯t have a clue as to what it might mean. That she should try new things? What did that even mean, in this context? She had no idea what new approaches she might have for speaking with her mother. That whole impending interaction was a terrifying unpredictable distortion in the gellar field, where the insanity of the warp devoured plans, or courses of action, or things she might think of to say. Because, I have no idea what to say. Because¡ªwait, you can¡¯t GRILL pulled pork. It¡¯s just messy little shreds of pork¡ªthey would slop down through the grate of the grill. How are we going to cook it? On a skillet? Or, does it bake in a tray? Although Tabitha was an accomplished cook, she was only accomplished at cooking things she had normally made for herself in the future. Experience outside of that was revealed to be a sudden blind spot marring her image as the competent cook who could make anything. On the one hand, this meant it was an opportunity for her to learn new things, to feel like she was growing as a person and becoming more capable. But, then on the other hand¡ªit was really satisfying being the one who always knew everything and was able to teach things to Hannah. Darren Macintire said he was going to show them around using the grill, of course. Tabitha just wasn¡¯t sure how she felt about being put into the role of a student by this strangely attractive father figure. No! Bad brains, Tabitha told herself. Focus, FOCUS. She couldn¡¯t focus. They had been inching across the meat section of Food Lion for minutes but it felt like hours, she wanted out of here and for them to just leave right away, but also she would do anything to help stall them from going through the check out where she would run into her mother. Tabitha took a look at the prices of the various items in the cart¡ªsteaks, pulled pork, sausages, joined now by a two-pound back of ground beef that seemed enormous and a little wrapped row of ribs. This is¡­ it¡¯s a little ridiculous, right? Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but just stare at all of them. NORMAL families would never buy THIS much meat, right? Meat¡¯s super expensive. You¡¯d just pick one or two things. ¡°Alrighty, I think that does it,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°What do you girls think, what else do we need? Pack of buns for the pulled pork and the burgers? Potatoes to go with the steak? Veggies?¡± ¡°Nooo¡ª¡± Hannah protested. ¡°Not veggies. Anything but veggies dad, please.¡± ¡°What do you think, Tabby?¡± Officer Macintire turned his charming grin her way. ¡°Oh, uh,¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Vegetables would be nice? Green beans. Peas? Maybe onions, if¡ª¡± ¡°Tabby, no!¡± Hannah tugged at her elbow with a horrified whisper. ¡°Green beans?! No!¡± ¡°And, um,¡± Tabitha fought to remember. ¡°I think you had also mentioned that you wanted bacon, for¡ª¡± ¡°Right!¡± Officer Macintire¡¯s eyes lit up at the reminder. ¡°Can¡¯t believe we almost forgot¡ªwe musta rolled right on by that section, lookin¡¯ at other things. Bacon.¡± They made their rounds throughout the Food Lion, piling on more and more things into the cart¡ªfresh vegetables, frozen vegetables, mashed potato flakes, a pack of bacon, sausage rolls and hamburger buns. The sheer expenditure of it all numbed Tabitha¡¯s mind and wasn¡¯t something she could process. Mrs. Macintire jumping at any chance to go shopping was bad enough, seeing the woman¡¯s husband likewise just go on a shopping spree shouldn¡¯t have shocked her. But, it did. Tabitha grew up in a poor family and then had lived a relatively frugal life on her own, so seeing pricy goods for feeding a family of four piling up was always going to startle her. They crossed the breadth of the aisle towards the front of the store, and then their cart was pushed into the checkout station Mrs. Moore was at. Mrs. Moore made eye contact with her and those eyes went wide with in surprise¡ªher mother looked every bit as alarmed at this sudden unexpected encounter as Tabitha did. The woman froze in place partway through scanning a carton of orange juice for the customer just ahead of them in line¡ªthen Mrs. Moore accidentally scanned it twice in a fluster, and had to stab at her terminal keys with frantic motions to correct it. Yeah. Yeah. Right there with you, Tabitha empathized, feeling the same panic. I, uh, I didn¡¯t expect we¡¯d run into you, I¡¯m sorry. I had no idea. I¡ªI have no idea what to say to you. ¡°Hey there! Fancy seein¡¯ you here,¡± Officer Macintire greeted casually, having no such compunctions. ¡°Have you been workin¡¯ here long?¡± ¡°I¡ªI¡ªhah, well¡ª¡± Mrs. Moore stammered out with a forced smile, looking back and forth between her present customer and the man speaking to her as if unable to handle both things at once. ¡°I¡¯m new! I¡¯m, it¡¯s my¡ªI just started here. Actually. Hi Tabitha.¡± ¡°Hi,¡± Tabitha squeaked out. ¡°Dad,¡± Hannah elbowed his leg, having the good sense to know he was making things awkward for everyone. ¡°Ow!¡± Officer Macintire teased, ruffling her hair. ¡°Here, baby¡ªhelp Tabby get all this up on the checkout.¡± That was a strange thing to ask, because as a seven-year-old Hannah had to climb her sneakers up onto the caster bar beneath the cart to even be able to reach over the front and manage to grab the contents. Tabitha helped her, passing things along to set them on the conveyor belt, while Officer Macintire leaned his weight on the cart¡¯s handle so that Hannah wouldn¡¯t tip the cart. Tabitha felt horrifically embarrassed¡ªthey were buying what felt like a comical amount of expensive food, right in front of her low income mother. Even worse, Tabitha felt like she was acting the part of a Macintire daughter, right in front of her own real mom, like she was rubbing the woman¡¯s nose in the fact that she was part of a different family now. Oh God I can¡¯t do this. I just want to duck down beneath the counter and out of sight and NOT BE HERE. Mrs. Moore recited the total for the other customer, received a ten dollar bill, put it into her drawer and made change for the man. It was bizarre seeing her mother put on a customer service voice, even a frazzled, uncertain one like this. Tabitha suspected Mrs. Moore was feeling humiliated to be caught working here like this, but Officer Macintire seemed intentionally oblivious to this and was just smiling along like everything was normal and okay. ¡°Th-thank you, Hannah,¡± Tabitha said in a stiff voice as they got everything up onto the checkout. Her mother snuck a look over in their direction at hearing her speak, and Tabitha averted her eyes. Then, Hannah noticed that, and the little girl put on a frown of confusion as she attempted to process the sight of Tabitha sheepishly studying the scuff marks on the floor tile and admiring the sturdy design of the shopping cart¡¯s wheels. Once again Officer Macintire¡¯s body language and demeanor suggested that to him, nothing at all was out of sorts. ¡°So, um, hi,¡± Mrs. Moore greeted them properly as the previous customer strode off. ¡°I didn¡¯t expect to see you guys, here! I¡ªhah, I, I just started yester¡ªyesterday, that was my first day. Technically. My first day on the clock, before it I was, there was¡ª¡± ¡°Oh nice, nice¡ªTabby just started back to school too, right ¡®round the same time,¡± Officer Macintire responded. ¡°She said it¡¯s all been okay.¡± Tabitha¡¯s cheeks burned as all of the blood in her body rushed to her face. It was as if he was unaware of the awkwardness, but also aware, because he had simply stepped up and spoken on Tabitha¡¯s behalf. As if he knew she didn¡¯t have the right words right now. ¡°Good, good,¡± Mrs. Moore struggled to split her attention between conversation and the slow but steady blip blip blip of items passing through the bar code scanner. ¡°I was¡ªI was so worried about her. I knew that, um, that she was going to be back at school. I thought about calling, but¡­¡± ¡°Definitely!¡± Officer Macintire nodded. ¡°Yeah, anytime. Our line¡¯s always open. Sure she¡¯d love to what from ya.¡± ¡°Dad,¡± Hannah reprimanded him from where she balanced at the front of the cart. ¡°Careful on the cart, hon,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°Why don¡¯t you help her with those bags?¡± ¡°I¡ªI can do it,¡± Tabitha blurted out. ¡°I¡¯ve got it.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªwell¡ªthank you,¡± Mrs. Moore managed, hurrying to arrange the pack of bacon in hand into the next grocery bag. ¡°H-here.¡± ¡°You¡¯re¡­ you¡¯re working,¡± Tabitha said. Out of all of the unintelligent things she could have said, Tabitha mentally decided that this was the dumbest, worst set of words that she could have picked. But, as Tabitha locked eyes with her mother, she blanked on everything else and didn¡¯t know what else to say. ¡°I¡ªyeah, I, I had to,¡± Mrs. Moore panicked as well. ¡°I had to do something.¡± Tabitha¡¯s throat constricted at hearing that, and her body froze up. Did that mean Tabitha¡¯s flight from the family had been what filled her mother with the sudden impetus to find a job? There was raw desperation in her mother¡¯s voice. Was jumping into the work force prompted by the baby on the way? It seemed like a cry for help, but was it just for money, or was it for independence? Oh my God. Is she¡­ is she thinking of splitting up with dad?! They had been fighting, but were things that severe? Tabitha certainly wasn¡¯t happy with her dad of late, but by no means did she think her parents should actually separate. And, if they did¡ªit would be completely her fault, a product of her actions, something that came about from the changes Tabitha had wrought upon them in this new lifetime. Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure she could shoulder all of that. ¡°Well hey, good for you,¡± Officer Macintire¡¯s admiration sounded honest. ¡°It¡¯s hard gettin¡¯ yourself out and about and back to the grind, believe you me, I know. I¡¯m just now tryin¡¯ to get back into things, myself. Even walking around leaves me winded¡ªwho knew all the, you know, the everyday little things I used to take for granted would ever get so tough?¡± ¡°I-it¡¯s great to see you¡¯re doing so much better!¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°To think, just, well, just a few months ago you¡¯d been shot. You¡¯re already walking around and back to normal! That¡¯s a blessing!¡± The unfamiliar lines coming out of her mother¡¯s mouth felt bizarre and alien to Tabitha, and after a split-second of introspection, she realized it was because she wasn¡¯t used to seeing her mother interact with others. At all. Mrs. Moore spoke in a familiar way with her husband, and she talked down to her daughter, and on rare occasions she griped at grandma Laurie¡ªbut, that was it. It was strange and surreal seeing her mother out of the trailer. ¡°We¡¯re almost all back to normal¡ªTabby¡¯s cast comes off in, what, just a few more days?¡± Officer Macintire looked towards Tabitha, as if indicating she was now welcome to join in their conversation. ¡°Um. Yes,¡± Tabitha managed. ¡°I think so.¡± ¡°But hey, we were about to have some kind of a cook-out,¡± Officer Macintire explained, waving across the last few items as the belt fed them over towards Mrs. Moore. ¡°Celebrate gettin¡¯ back on my feet. You¡¯re welcome to join us! What time does your shift end, here?¡± Wait, what. ¡°Oh, u-um,¡± Mrs. Moore let out a nervous laugh. ¡°Two and a half hours ago? Almost three hours ago? My shift was supposed to be over. Th-they said I need to cover a bit longer, because I think someone else called off? I¡¯m not sure when they¡¯ll let me go. I¡¯ve been here since nine, nine this morning.¡± ¡°It¡¯s past four o¡¯clock,¡± Tabitha stood up straight with a jolt. ¡°It¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s almost five. You¡¯ve been here since nine? They¡¯ve given you breaks? A lunch hour?¡± ¡°Uh, I did have my one break!¡± Mrs. Moore winced as she rung up their last item and bagged it. ¡°I was actually supposed to get two, but¡­ they weren¡¯t able to give me my other one, since¡ª¡± ¡°Where¡¯s your manager?¡± Tabitha said, already turning to search across the store for someone in charge.
I¡ªI can¡¯t even keep up with what¡¯s going on! Mrs. Moore fretted to herself, staring with a vacant expression at the stacked bills beside her empty drawer. Food Lion¡¯s back office was a much more welcoming place when Manager Bob was sitting at the desk with her instead of Manager John. He checked through her till¡¯s count together with her, and they found that the drawer had exactly the right amount of money in it, down to the last cent. This time Tracy was with them in the room, but she was on the phone chastising the apparent one responsible for today¡¯s mess¡ªManager John from the morning shift. This all just happened so fast! Mrs. Moore cast a nervous glance through the open door of the office out towards the employee break room. The innocent inquiry of a fourteen-year-old girl asking to see the manager had been met with polite but somewhat apathetic deflection by the Food Lion workers, because nobody there was in charge of dealing with problems related to shift scheduling. ¡®Maybe come back in tomorrow and ask to speak to Manager John,¡¯ they had said¡ªuntil the amused man standing with Tabitha at the checkout had revealed his badge, and asked them if they were in violation of labor law. The appearance of apparent authority immediately escalated the dilemma from shrug and sigh minor situation to being an all hands on deck emergency for Food Lion¡¯s staff¡ªall of the sudden postures straightened everywhere; answers were promised, calls were being made. Mrs. Moore was pulled off of register right away, Officer Macintire and the two young girls with him had been invited to sit in the employee break area while everything was sorted out, and one of the stockboys had been tasked with taking their shopping cart full of bought and bagged groceries and wheeling the whole thing into the dairy cooler so that everything would stay refrigerated while they waited. ¡°Uh-huh, yeah?¡± Tracy¡¯s bulldog expression was set in a grim smile as she spoke into the phone. ¡°Well, I don¡¯t see what that¡¯s got to do with it. We¡¯ve got a police officer in here inquiring about labor law violations based on a schedule you signed off on. Come up with whatever excuses you like¡ªMister Kay ain¡¯t gonna care ¡®bout a word you say if his store gets a violation on record and has to pay a thousand dollar fine. S¡¯your neck on the line, bucko.¡± The stout older woman had been pulled off of another register to help deal with the fiasco here¡ªalthough she was a cashier, Tracy possessed some form of seniority here due to working at this Food Lion for many times longer than anyone else here. She had been the first one into the back office and on the line with Manager John, and Mrs. Moore suspected it was simply for the opportunity to chew him out. ¡°Your drawer¡¯s good to go, if you can sign for it right here,¡± Manager Bob spun the checksheet towards her with his fingertips and passed her a pen. ¡°So, from what I can tell¡ªhah, you weren¡¯t called in to cover someone¡¯s shift.¡± ¡°I um, there was¡ª¡± Shannon Moore tried to stammer out an explanation. ¡°Manager John, he said that well, that because somebody else called off, I needed to stay on that register, until they could find someone else to cover the¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s just it,¡± Manager Bob spread the series of timesheets across the desk. ¡°Tried to figure out who in the heck called off that you were bein¡¯ asked to replace¡ªand, it turns out, no one. No cashiers in front end called off today. No one else was scheduled for your register. The individual timesheet says you¡¯re on for a four and a half hour training shift, but then the shift scheduler spreadsheet over here says you¡¯re not in training, and also that you¡¯re pulling a double¡ªten hours. These two sheets are supposed to match up, and when they don¡¯t, it means there¡¯s a problem.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°So, I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m not in trouble?¡± ¡°Oh, Lord, no,¡ªbut someone sure is,¡± Manager Bob chuckled. ¡°There¡¯s been some uh, some ¡®creative accounting¡¯ at play, here, and the store manager¡ªJohn, he¡¯s gonna get some kind of write up, I imagine. By store policy, you¡¯re not even supposed to be on register alone yet, and for the past couple hours you weren¡¯t under any supervision. According to this, Cindy was with you on register for the first part of your shift? Checkout seven?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Mrs. Moore blinked in confusion. ¡°On my register? Seven? No, she¡ªshe was working right next to mine, Cindy was in the next one over. She was working checkout six, but even then¡ªshe clocked out a few hours ago.¡± ¡°Hah, oh man¡ªthat¡¯s just great!¡± Manager Bob shared a conspiratorial grin with her. ¡°Damn. At this rate, he won¡¯t be getting off with just a slap on the wrist. Not this time. I mean, holy cow. We all knew he adjusted the timesheets a little here and there, but, no¡ªthese books are cooked.¡± ¡°I been sayin¡¯ it!¡± Tracy put one wrinkled hand over the phone receiver so she could chime in along with what Manager Bob was telling her. ¡°All those hour sheets he signs off on are baloney. S¡¯been a long time comin¡¯¡ªI been sayin¡¯ it and sayin¡¯ it, that he¡¯s fixin¡¯ to get us audited.¡± ¡°Well, I sure as heck can¡¯t make heads or tails of it,¡± Manager Bob laughed again, arranging the timesheets against the reported schedule for comparison again. ¡°Half of this crap he has down doesn¡¯t match up to anything I see printed over here. I mean, look at this. What is this?¡± ¡°S¡¯his dirty little tricks to keep labor costs down,¡± Tracy¡¯s smoker rasp answered again. ¡°Puts less people on the schedule, and just has ¡®em spread out havin¡¯ one person doin¡¯ what¡¯s s¡¯posed to be several different people¡¯s jobs. Twice the work or three times the work, but for the same old minimum wage. He¡¯s been doin¡¯ it forever ¡®tween Dairy and Frozen, havin¡¯ those boys cover both departments at once. It¡¯s not right. I been sayin¡¯ it.¡± ¡°In any case,¡± Manager Bob leaned back in his chair and threw his hands up. ¡°It¡¯s out of my hands. Up to Mister Kay and whatever he wants to do¡ªI know him and John are all buddy-buddy. Shannon, you¡¯re good to go here, and you can go ahead and clock out. We¡¯ll see you in again on¡­ looks like Thursday? Sorry again for this whole mess.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s¡ªit¡¯s alright,¡± Mrs. Moore stood up from her seat beside the desk, still feeling bewildered. ¡°I¡¯ll¡ªI¡¯ll clock out, then. Thank you.¡± Shuffling out of the office and towards the break room, she was met with stares as Officer Macintire, his daughter Hannah, and Tabitha all looked up at her. Shannon was for a moment overwhelmed with feelings of relief, shame, gratitude and fear, which each fought back and forth for dominance within her heavy heart. She paused in the doorway as she struggled to process all of that, and found herself wringing her hands¡ªthe familiar motion kept others from seeing the nervous tremble there. Oh goodness¡ªand, I¡¯m starving. Over the long hours the restrictive apron strings which tied over the blouse of her Food Lion uniform had begun to dig in, until now she was feeling like she was trussed up to be put on display. Lightheaded, awkward. Weak and inferior. Back when she had enjoyed the years of safety and comfort of never leaving the mobile home she had been a stress eater, but since stepping back out into the public eye, she had instead felt too stressed to eat. She didn¡¯t remember feeling this way back before when she was a young, social thing, but then again the confidence and bravado had been effortless when she was thin and beautiful. ¡°I think that, uh, that I¡¯m good to clock out, now,¡± Mrs. Moore told them with a wincing smile. ¡°Thank you again¡ªthank you so much.¡± ¡°Well, that was all exciting!¡± Officer Macintire joked. ¡°No it wasn¡¯t,¡± Hannah retorted in the matter of fact delivery of a child unburdened by conversational nuance. ¡°That wasn¡¯t exciting at all. We all just sat here! And it was forever.¡± ¡°Well, I think it was exciting,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Your daddy swooped in and saved the day, here. Since¡­ no one wanted to listen to me.¡± For a moment the absurdity of the situation here was forgotten, because Mrs. Moore found herself transfixed by her daughter¡¯s voice. She remembered hearing the way Tabitha spoke to her little hellion cousins¡ªthe tone and cadence she used with them had always been more casual and relaxed than when the girl addressed her parents. The voice Tabitha used with Hannah was again something new beyond even that; calm, patient, and filled with endearment. For a brief instant, it wasn¡¯t impossible to imagine Tabitha in the role of a mother herself, and that strange dissonant idea caused another wave of conflicting emotions. ¡°Well, hey¡ªbenefit of the badge,¡± Officer Macintire said with a wry smile. ¡°You start wavin¡¯ one around, people start to see it as their get into jail free card. I did tell them somebody¡¯d be in touch ¡®bout all of this. So that, you know, so that they¡¯ll stay on their toes.¡± Officer Macintire rose up out of the hard break room seat, and his movement there was almost natural, but there was also a bit of ungainliness there as he straightened up¡ªas if after bending forward slightly to stand, he needed a moment¡¯s pause to carefully un-bend. Mrs. Moore saw that Tabitha caught this as well, because the redheaded teenager was quick to step in and assist, lending a hand to help him balance. I assumed he was all better now because he¡¯s out and about¡ªseems like he¡¯s actually still recovering? ¡°Really?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Do we get all our things for free, then?!¡± ¡°No, Hannah banana,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°We did already pay for the groceries. Remember? We went through the check out? They can¡¯t just give us things for free because he¡¯s a police officer, because going that far would be an abuse of his power.¡± ¡°Exactly,¡± Officer Macintire agreed in good humor. ¡°Get things for free?! I¡¯m just a police officer, not the mayor.¡± ¡°Then, does the mayor get things for free?!¡± Hannah giggled, seeming to already realize her father was teasing her. ¡°Daaad. He does not.¡± ¡°She does not,¡± Tabitha corrected. ¡°I believe our current mayor is a woman: Barbara Kowalski. Do you remember seeing the little signs some people have in their yards on our street? They say ¡®please re-elect Barbara Kowalski.¡¯¡± The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°I saw there were signs,¡± Hannah said. ¡°The white ones? I just, I didn¡¯t read them yet. We¡¯re¡ªit¡¯s usually ¡®cause we¡¯re going by them too fast. Otherwise, I would. I read lots of signs. I¡¯m actually a really good reader already.¡± ¡°I know!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You really are.¡± Oh, shoot! Mrs. Moore jerked forward with a start. I¡¯d better actually punch out, before I forget. The monitor display for that was right there thankfully, and with a few steps and quick grab of the nearby computer mouse, she guided the cursor across the screen to her name and clicked once to clock out, then again to confirm. Instead of the four hour shift she had originally signed in for, the readout showed almost eight. Now that the work hours were over she allowed herself to feel a little ambivalent about them¡ªor at least possibly anticipate more money on the paycheck then there would have been otherwise. ¡°My Hannah, she just knows all the fast food signs by heart,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled, sharing a smile with Mrs. Moore. She tried to smile back, because it seemed like he was trying to keep her included in the conversation¡­ but for the life of her, she didn¡¯t know how to even begin to butt in. This trio here in front of her today were so at ease with one another they were like a real family. This kind of back and forth banter had never seemed so casual back when Tabitha was living with the Moores, and seeing how her daughter seemed to belong instead with the Macintires was of course its own kind of heartbreaking. ¡°No, no, not just those ones¡ªit¡¯s just that those ones are the best,¡± Hannah insisted. ¡°Actually, can we stop by¡ª¡± ¡°No, Hannah,¡± Tabitha interrupted with a smile. ¡°We just bought up all of those things to grill! There¡¯s no way we¡¯re doing McDonald¡¯s tonight. You just had McDonalds, not too long ago! It was yesterday!¡± ¡°Hah, oh yeah,¡± Hannah beamed. ¡°Grill stuff is okay too, I guess. So long as it doesn¡¯t take forever. But¡ªis it going to take forever?¡± ¡°Forever and ever and ever,¡± Tabitha teased the girl in a solemn voice. ¡°Oh, man,¡± Hannah¡¯s head tilted back to stare at the ceiling in an exaggerated sigh. ¡°I really hope not.¡± ¡°Any-who,¡± Officer Macintire cleared his throat. ¡°Now that we¡¯ve got all that mess cleared up for now¡­ how ¡®bout joining us for dinner? Kinda just went on a silly shoppin¡¯ spree, ¡®cause they haven¡¯t let me eat any real food! If you, or you and your husband came by and we called it a proper cookout, or a get together¡ªwell, then my wife wouldn¡¯t be able to call me out on it. You¡¯d be doin¡¯ me a real favor.¡± ¡°Oh, um,¡± Mrs. Moore fretted over how to politely reject his offer. ¡°I, I really couldn¡¯t. I just couldn¡¯t impose! Especially not after uh, after everything you¡¯ve¡ª¡± ¡°Mom, please?¡± Tabitha interrupted with such a serious look that Shannon felt her attempt at refusal go cold in her throat. ¡°I¡¯d really like you to come over,¡± Tabitha continued. ¡°To, ah, for you to see how I¡¯ve been living. To¡­ yes, to reconnect. ¡°I haven¡¯t been a great daughter to you, and I realize I¡¯ve neglected to call and check on you, or to stop in and say hi, or anything. I¡¯ve been selfishly just¡­ getting myself caught up in high school nonsense and immersing myself in that, and not even sparing any thoughts for you. When really¡ªall the things I¡¯m going through, all the people I¡¯ve met and all the friends I¡¯ve maybe made¡ªthey¡¯re really things I should be sharing with you.¡± Mrs. Moore was shell-shocked by Tabitha¡¯s words, and before she could even delve into appreciating how mature and grown up her fourteen-year-old was, she realized that Hannah seemed equally shocked by what was said. The little girl¡¯s brows furrowed in cute consternation, and there was a flash of raw panic there as she looked from Tabitha to Mrs. Moore and then back to Tabitha again. I suppose she never had any reason to have any kind of good impression of us¡ªor, maybe she¡¯s worried we¡¯ll make Tabitha come back and live with us? As if I could even dare to say that now, seeing how much better off she is. The Macintires, they take good care of her, they protect her. Listen to her. I¡¯m sure they never give her any of the kind of grief she got with us. Oh Lord, how did everything ever go so wrong¡­ ¡°I¡­ I guess I can join you?¡± Mrs. Moore found herself saying. ¡°If that¡¯s really alright. I, um, I¡¯ve just been walking to the store, here, since it¡¯s just a little bit across town from the trailer court. But¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, no problem,¡± Officer Macintire nodded agreeably. ¡°You need a lift home so you can change outta your work clothes, or so we can rope in your husband along, too¡ªno problem. We¡¯ve had the kiddos in the back of the cruiser anyhow, plenty of room up front.¡± ¡°Oh, um, okay,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded. ¡°Thank you. That would be great. I, I think we can just grab your cart from the dairy cooler? It¡¯s right over this way.¡± She was new enough to working here that guiding others anywhere felt a little baffling, but none of the dairy boys were around when she tugged open the big insulated door and backed the shopping cart out of it. There the handlebar was passed over to Hannah, and together they began to file through the back hallway, past the restrooms for customer use, and return to the proper grocery store area. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t know that I¡¯m ready to sit down and play nice again with my father, just yet,¡± Tabitha admitted, appearing to very carefully choose her words. ¡°I would like a chance to, uh, to just be able to catch up with Mom about everything. Without him¡­ being there to ruin it.¡± Officer Macintire¡¯s eyebrows went up and he looked amused, but the man didn¡¯t see fit to comment as they walked down the aisle together. Hannah, on the other hand, went from looking slightly concerned to instead wearing a mighty frown¡ªwhich in turn Tabitha noticed right away and then responded to with a sheepish smile. It was fascinating to witness the silent interplay, to see how mindful each of them were of each other, how close they were, and Mrs. Moore¡¯s anxiety over all of this was even beginning to give way to pangs of jealousy. If Tabitha was willing and ready to allow her mother back into her life, Shannon decided she needed to be there for her no matter how awkward or difficult it was. ¡°Hah,¡± Mrs. Moore involuntarily let a laugh slip out. ¡°He¡¯s, well. Your father¡¯s sure been good at that, lately! So, of course¡ªwhatever you want, Tabitha. I can just leave him a note!¡±
¡°Look, Hannah,¡± Tabitha gestured with a finger out the window of the police cruiser. ¡°This is where I grew up.¡± Rolling down the hill from the gas station and into the lower park was both dissonant and nostalgic. There was a certain comfort to be found in revisiting what was once so familiar, but then also the circumstances of her situation were so different that everything felt strange. Tabitha didn¡¯t live here anymore. She was riding in the back of a cop car, with a seven-year-old girl clinging to her side in a possessive way. Her mother was sitting up in the passenger¡¯s seat looking extremely uncomfortable and occasionally letting out nervous laughter in response to Officer Macintire¡¯s awkward attempts at casual conversation. ¡°I know,¡± Hannah remained stubbornly pressed up against Tabitha¡¯s arm and refused to budge. ¡°I¡¯ve been here before. With Momma Williams.¡± ¡°Ooh, you¡¯re right,¡± Tabitha nodded, feeling distracted as she peered between the passing mobile homes with interest. ¡°This was where we met, wasn¡¯t it? Mrs. Williams asked you to say ¡®hello to Tabitha,¡¯ and you said¡ª¡± ¡°Hello to Tabitha,¡± Hannah recalled. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Hello to Hannah,¡± Tabitha said back, patting Hannah¡¯s shoulder. ¡°You were so little and cute, back then!¡± ¡°Thanks?¡± Hannah grumbled, trying not to pout. ¡°Well,¡± Tabitha watched as the car navigated slowly around the loop and across the first of the trailer park¡¯s speedbumps. ¡°This time, would you like to come inside and see my house? Where I was living?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Hannah said, peeking out the windows and not appearing very impressed. ¡°Ev-everything¡¯s just the way you left it!¡± Mrs. Moore twisted in her seat to share a wincing smile with Tabitha. ¡°We, uh, we haven¡¯t touched a thing. Since you left. I¡¯m sure there¡¯s, well, I¡¯m sure you want to grab some more of your stuff.¡± ¡°Maybe some more changes of clothes,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Something I¡¯ll be able to go running in. Oh! We¡¯re this one, here. On the right.¡± ¡°This one?¡± Officer Macintire pulled in next to the front of their trailer and put the cruiser in park. ¡°Alrighty. Take whatever time you need¡ªand Hannah; best behavior. I¡¯m gonna stretch my legs here jus¡¯ a bit, but gimme a holler when you¡¯re all ready.¡± ¡°We will,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°Thank you. We won¡¯t be long! We have groceries, here.¡± Everyone opened their doors and disembarked¡ªHannah had scooched over across the rear bench towards Tabitha and then followed her out of the vehicle on that side. The mobile home was more or less as Tabitha remembered it. Aging and worn but not quite decrepit. Their aluminum siding had a greenish patina of mold that was beginning to speckle with moss, but the discoloration was faint relative to the blackish grime buildup on the neighboring trailers. Their front ¡®yard¡¯ seemed more spacious than Tabitha recalled, since Uncle Danny¡¯s car was no longer occupying it, just a swath of gravel and bare dirt for the most part. What tufts of weeds did manage to grow had been trimmed back with the weed eater somewhat recently, and there was no obvious discarded trash laying about here to embarrass Tabitha. It doesn¡¯t look that bad, Tabitha told herself. I guess some part of me was worried that as soon as I left, it would all immediately fall back into ruin. But no, it still looks¡­ pretty nice. Considering. I¡¯m really glad I spent time squatting down everywhere and picking up all the years of cigarette butts and little pieces of garbage everywhere. Hannah however looked a little horrified, her little hand was gripping Tabitha¡¯s extra tight and she was looking around at everything with wide eyes. Mrs. Moore was digging through her pockets for a key in a fluster, while Officer Macintire surveyed the trailer park with a thoughtful look before slowly ambling on down the street. He was headed in the direction of the far side of the lower park¡ªit was clear to Tabitha he wanted to revisit the scene where he had been shot. A brief flurry of emotions went through her at realizing that, and she was tempted to go with him just so that he wasn¡¯t alone. A little over three months had passed since the shooting and so much had happened, but while Tabitha had had time to revisit the site of the South Main shooting since then, to process things, Officer Macintire was just now back on his feet and out and about for the first time. ¡°I¡¯ll try to be quick!¡± Mrs. Moore said, finally getting the door open and swinging it wide. ¡°I, uh, I just want to change. Out of my work clothes. Come inside, come in. Please.¡± ¡°Watch your step, Hannah Banana,¡± Tabitha called, leading the girl up the steps and into the trailer. The floor creaked beneath their weight in a way that was familiar to Tabitha¡ªbut alarming to Hannah¡ªand as Mrs. Moore bustled down the back hall towards the master bedroom, the age-old sound of the joists and flooring shifting slightly could be heard. Old mobile homes simply were not quiet or all that sturdy, and revisiting her old place after being gone since Thanksgiving had Tabitha feeling almost as though she was standing up on the unsteady deck of a boat. Need to regain my sea legs? She recalled how oddly open and expansive the Macintire home had seemed when she was first trying to adjust over there, and so naturally coming back to the trailer everything felt incredibly cramped and oppressive. The living room and dining table area here combined together was still a space smaller than Tabitha¡¯s bedroom at the Macintire¡¯s; in fact the square footage of the entire mobile home here was just a tiny bit bigger than the Macintire living room. ¡°It¡¯s really small, isn¡¯t it?¡± Tabitha prompted. ¡°For three people.¡± Hannah gave her a speechless nod. The curtains were pulled back from the windows and tied back just the way Tabitha remembered leaving them, but no one had attempted to vacuum the carpets since she left. Paper, envelopes, and unfamiliar clutter were left here and there across the kitchen table and then one side of the sofa, indicating that someone had been sitting in front of the television set, but that her parents had not been sitting there together. As she glanced around, there wasn¡¯t much else to discern¡ªthe faded wallpaper hadn¡¯t changed. The dingy furnishings were the same. At least they kept in the habit of bringing dirty dishes back to the sink, Tabitha quirked her lip as she brought Hannah on to pass by the kitchen and head towards her room. I guess I managed to train them well? Some intrusive part of her brain saw the refrigerator and identified it again as her fridge; the one she had inherited and taken with her to her first apartment. Tabitha gave it a wry smile as they stepped into the back hall. This too was a stark reminder of how different things were, because mobile home hallways were a deceptively narrow two-and-a-half feet wide, designed for shuffling through single-file. Out of habit Tabitha steadied herself on the old particle board wall panels as she continued, touching them in the same spots she always had. Her feet were ingrained with the knowledge of where to step, but Hannah¡¯s were not and the little girl sharply inhaled as she discovered one of the soft spots in the flooring. ¡°Oh! Careful, Hannah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Here, this is my room. Well, it was. This is where I grew up.¡± She turned the knob and slowly swung the door open. Little had changed; get-well cards were arranged upon the dresser just in front of the faded mirror. The Reeses Cups from Halloween in their distinctive gold foil wrap were still there as well, but someone had put them in a ziplock sandwich bag. The bedcovers were still turned back from the exact moment when Tabitha had crept out of bed for her daring mission to intrude upon Aunt Lisa in the shower and grab the handbag with heroin in it. The abandoned Flounder pillow stared from where it rested on the foot of the bed with a vacant expression. ¡°Is that¡ªPrincess Ariel?¡± Hannah asked, peeking out from behind Tabitha¡¯s hip. ¡°Oh! Yes, I was Ariel for Halloween,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I think I told you about it, but I guess you never got to see it? Good eye.¡± Lacking her own closet after some unknown past renovations, the Ariel dress was hung up on display from the curtain rod of the far wall, backlit with dim January light from the window. The room was cold and the air here was stale, but more than anything else it was jarring how tiny the space was. Seven feet by nine feet, with scant space to stand since the dresser and the bed occupied much of the room¡¯s footprint. Tabitha¡¯s room was slightly larger than the walk-in closet Sandra had pulled Tabitha into at the Macintires, back when they were hunting for sandals to match an outfit. But, only slightly, Tabitha mused. ¡°Here, Hannah. You can sit on the bed. I just want to grab a few things.¡± ¡°You have to take the Princess Ariel dress,¡± Hannah insisted. ¡°You have to.¡± ¡°Okay¡ªI will,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°We¡¯ll be able to play dress up together. Mulan, and Ariel!¡± She situated Hannah up to sit on the thin old bed mattress, and then crouched to the side so that she could pull out dresser drawers¡ªdoing so just about eliminated the last remaining rectangle of floor space, but Tabitha was used to dealing with that. The ¡®nice¡¯ clothes had already been grabbed up last time when Tabitha had been shoving things into her bookbag, but she rediscovered several pairs of underwear it would be handy to have, as well as some of the larger shirts she would be able to lounge around the house in. She also made sure to grab her awful old cut-off redneck tees that had neither sleeves nor sides; her old exercise outfits. They were a little trashy, but then again over at the Macintires she had almost nothing but dressy clothes¡ªshe would soon need stuff that it was okay to sweat and get gross in. REALLY looking forward to running and exercising again. Can¡¯t come soon enough. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°It¡¯s really¡­ different here,¡± Hannah observed, showing remarkable restraint. ¡°Like¡ªa lot more than I thought. Not bad different. But different. It¡¯s really really small. Like, it¡¯s all Hannah-sized.¡± That was the term Mrs. Macintire had used to describe Hannah¡¯s pair of playhouse cottages, and Tabitha struggled not to grimace at the unflattering comparison. ¡°I know, I know,¡± Tabitha let out a small chuckle. ¡°I grew up very poor. I guess part of me wanted you to see the differences¡ªso you could understand a little bit where I¡¯m coming from. Does that make sense?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah blinked owlishly across the tiny room. ¡°But, like¡ªyou don¡¯t want to come back here to live. Right? It¡¯s really small. And old. It¡¯s like, really old. Really old and small. Super small.¡± Yes, Hannah. I GET IT. ¡°This is what I was used to, growing up,¡± Tabitha explained in a patient tone. ¡°So, moving in to live with you guys¡ªthat felt very strange to me. Getting up to go to the bathroom at night, even just walking all the way across each of your big huge rooms felt very strange. Can you see why?¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Hannah forced a smile and then allowed it to turn into a wince. ¡°I guess. Is it like¡ªwhich way do you like more? Living here, or living there? Which is better.¡± ¡°I think by now, I feel a little out of place in both,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°This feels like an itty-bitty cardboard box, and your place feels like, well, sometimes to me it¡¯s still this big palatial mansion.¡± ¡°Plal¡ªpla-lati-al?¡± Hannah tried. ¡°Plalatial?¡± ¡°Pal-at-i-al; like a palace,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Oh. I knew that. Like a palace.¡± ¡°Like¡ªlike in Alladin. He went from being the very very poor street rat, to living in the big fancy palace.¡± ¡°Yeah, and like¡ªCinderella, too,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°Cinderella was like that, too. Beauty and the Beast? Kinda.¡± ¡°Mm-hmm,¡± Tabitha nodded as she refolded the garments in her lap and smoothed out the wrinkles with her good hand. ¡°Rags-to-riches stories are very popular. But¡ªHannah bug, I don¡¯t want you to ever think I¡¯m staying with your family just because of your big nice home. Even if¡ª¡± ¡°I know! I know,¡± Hannah assured her. ¡°You¡¯re not.¡± ¡°Even if we all lived together out in your little plastic cottage playhouses, I¡¯d still love you guys to pieces,¡± Tabitha finished. ¡°And¡ªI love my family here, too. Just. Things were difficult, for a while.¡± ¡°Because of your Aunt,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°It¡¯s complicated.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that complicated,¡± Hannah insisted in that blunt seven year old way. ¡°I understand it all already.¡± ¡°Hah, then¡ªwell, then at some point we¡¯ll have to have you sit down and explain it all to me, because to me¡­ everything¡¯s complicated,¡± Tabitha said, tucking the folded clothes against herself and rising to collect the Ariel dress as well. ¡°I think this is everything?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t forget to take Flounder, too!¡± Hannah grabbed up the plush fish. ¡°And¡ªis that your chocolate? Peanut butter cups?¡± ¡°Oh¡ªwell,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I think we should maybe throw those out. They¡¯re from allll the way back from trick-or-treating. It looks like my mother bagged them up, but maybe she should have tossed them in the freezer?¡± ¡°It¡¯s already freezer in here,¡± Hannah shrugged, squashing Flounder into a hug. ¡°Already freezing, and yes, a little,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°We keep the heat down pretty low here, so that bills aren¡¯t so bad. We¡¯d just wear socks, put on sweaters.¡± ¡°Are bills that bad?¡± Hannah was skeptical. ¡°It¡¯s super cold. Like the same as outside.¡± ¡°Bills aren¡¯t bad when you¡¯re seven!¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°C¡¯mon¡ªI think I have everything. But, I mean. Hannah if you had to make the choice between turning the heat up a bit more, or buying more toys¡ªwhich would you choose?¡± ¡°Toys,¡± Hannah didn¡¯t need to pause to think about her answer. ¡°Well, there you go,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Socks and sweatshirts during the winter isn¡¯t so bad¡ªand, at night you¡¯re cozy under blankets anyways. It seems silly spending a whole bunch more money to heat up the whole place, if most of the day we¡¯re either at work or at school. Right?¡± ¡°I guess?¡± Hannah said. ¡°So¡ªif we turn off the heat at home, we can use that money, to buy a whole bunch more stuff?¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha pursed her lips at Hannah¡¯s naked greed. ¡°Hmmmm!¡± Hannah teased back. ¡°Hmmmm!¡± Tabitha made an exaggerated pout. ¡°Hannah, I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°Why not?!¡± ¡°You guys have an actual house; it holds heat a lot better than an old trailer like this. It¡¯s not so bad for you guys to run the heat, because your walls and windows and everything retain heat so much better. Here, they don¡¯t. Thin old walls, without much insulation. Little teeny gaps along the frames of the windows and doors, and such. It¡¯s just different¡ªwe each live according to our means.¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Hannah looked around again. ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°C¡¯mon, Hannah bean,¡± Tabitha nodded in the direction of the hall again. ¡°Let¡¯s go see your papa and see if he¡¯s ready to get going. I think he headed on down towards, um. Towards the end of the street.¡± ¡°Towards the end of the street?¡± Hannah echoed. ¡°Where I met your father for the very first time, technically,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°Do you remember from the pictures in the newspaper? It¡¯s where he¡­ got shot by the bad guy.¡± ¡°Would you mind carrying this for me?¡± Tabitha asked, offering the Ariel costume to Hannah. The little girl accepted it with a solemn nod, and she followed Tabitha out of the cramped little bedroom and back down the hallway. The spare clothes collected into Tabitha¡¯s arms were transferred into a grocery bag for ease of carrying, and Hannah cast uncertain looks about the kitchen and then regarded Mrs. Moore with a wary look when the woman joined them. Mrs. Moore had changed into a comfortable but somewhat frumpy pair of sweatpants and an oversized red and green holiday sweater, and her rigid smile began to falter beneath Hannah¡¯s attention. ¡°I left a little note,¡± Mrs. Moore told Tabitha. ¡°By the bedside. For your father.¡± ¡°I grabbed some clothes,¡± Tabitha reported, hefting the bag. ¡°Of course! Of course.¡± ¡°I guess we should get going?¡± ¡°Sure, yes. Of course.¡± Tabitha felt mortified by the way Hannah¡¯s brow furrowed at their awkward exchange, so she quickly ushered them forward as if to move past their clumsy difficulties. She didn¡¯t know why it was so difficult to interact normally with her mother. Their halting, mechanical dialogue felt unnatural to the extreme. Mrs. Moore was acting as though she had forgotten her lines and was waiting for someone off-stage to prompt her, while Tabitha was like a caffeine-addict writer who had suddenly switched to decaf¡ªher words were tenuous stabs into the fog of incomprehensibility. With my mother here, it¡¯s like I¡¯m in writing burn out. Way past where I can pour heart and soul or even real proper thought into what I¡¯m saying. Just¡ªyeah, squeezing out words, forcing some out. Like I¡¯m trying to draw blood from a stone. The three went out the door and down the steps, Mrs. Moore pausing behind them to wiggle the handle of the front door to confirm it had locked behind her. The bag of clothing was placed upon the hood of the police cruiser for now, and after a moment it was joined by the Ariel dress, Hannah lowering it into place to fold over itself with careful reverence so it would not drape over the hood and down the side of the car. ¡°Hands,¡± Hannah reminded with a stare, reaching out towards both Tabitha and Mrs. Moore. ¡°Right,¡± Tabitha felt a flash of relief and grasped the little offered hand. ¡°Mom¡ªc¡¯mon. I think he went just this way, down the street. Officer Macintire. We have to hold hands.¡± ¡°Oh¡ªokay?¡± Mrs. Moore took Hannah¡¯s other hand, linking them all together. ¡°Alright.¡± Then, they walked side by side through the trailer park together, savoring some silence as a respite from the awkward situation. Tabitha¡¯s eyes darted across the lower area of Sunset Estates in active search for distraction. She had left her family after what now felt like a series of rather dramatic confrontations, and now none of the different tacts she chose felt right. Being too polite felt like she was forcing distance between them, denying any familiarity. Acting close and pretending nothing had happened would feel like just as much of a lie. ¡°I used to walk this way,¡± Tabitha finally said, giving the young girl at her side a glance. ¡°The trailer park is a little loop, so I¡¯d go around and around and around.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Hannah turned a baffled look from the aging rows of mobile homes to Tabitha and back again. ¡°Like, around in circles?¡± ¡°Yes. I walked so that I could run,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°I was running away from who I used to be, or running towards who I wanted to be. I miss it¡ªI¡¯m looking forward to being able to run again, soon.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so proud of you,¡± Mrs. Moore surprised her by speaking up. ¡°I, I gave you nothing but grief when you started going around. But, you went around anyways. And look at you¡ªlook how far you¡¯ve come. You¡¯ve grown so much. I¡¯m so proud of you. I¡ªI could never do what you¡¯ve done. I just hid myself away from everything.¡± ¡°No¡ªyou needed time, and then you needed help,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°To, um, to get you back going again. To get you out of the rut you started to get trapped up in. We all need help, sometimes. I spent years hiding away from everything, too. I¡¯m no different. I had help.¡± Silence fell between them again. That was Mike¡¯s trailer, there, Tabitha observed. The little barefoot kid I kept running into this past summer. Whatever happened to him? Would Mom even know who he was, if I asked? They found Officer Macintire standing there with his hands in his pockets in the distance, staring across the barren breadth of dead grass beside the road where he had almost lost his life. Little had changed here since October¡ªthe shoulder of the road there was the same black grime and gravel. The stretch of vacant land beside it wasn¡¯t a wide enough plot to park a mobile home on, and there weren¡¯t bushes or shrubs or even a fence to delineate where Sunset Estates ended. It was just a forgotten, neglected place without much of a purpose at all, shaggy with weeds. The road on the other side where Officer Macintire had pulled that white Lincoln Continental over wasn¡¯t a particularly important one, or vital access to anywhere, so no one in the trailer park loop ever bothered shortcutting through the empty lot there with their vehicles. Nothing ever happened here except the South Main Shooting, Tabitha walked with Hannah and her mother over until they were standing just a few feet away from the officer. A nowhere, meaningless spot, notable for only one single event, and now more or less forgotten by almost everyone. ¡°Doesn¡¯t look like much, does it?¡± Officer Macintire let out a low whistle, shaking his head. ¡°This is where it happened?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Yep, far as I can tell,¡± Officer Macintire said, crouching down. ¡°Musta been¡­ right about here?¡± ¡°Alicia and I were right over¡­ there,¡± Tabitha pointed. ¡°I was going to show her how I did butterfly kicks.¡± ¡°Butterfly kicks?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Like¡ªis that for swimming?¡± ¡°Taekwondo, actually,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I was, um. Trying to teach myself some of the forms. It¡¯s kind of silly.¡± ¡°I remember that day,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°I was rude to Tabitha. Right in front of her friend. I think I embarrassed her, so she took her friend and they went out to play. I don¡¯t know what I was thinking, back then.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled to himself. ¡°...Guess it¡¯s probably good that you did?¡± ¡°We heard the shot, and it was so loud,¡± Tabitha said for Hannah¡¯s benefit. ¡°And then, when we looked over, the bad guy was already driving away.¡± ¡°The bad guy?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Mm-hmm,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°We ran over to see¡ªand somehow Alicia snapped a picture with her camera. Thankfully. Rather than waste her film on me doing stupid kicks¡ªand I, I tried to stop the bleeding. Just by putting my hands over the wound. I, um, I don¡¯t think I really knew what I was doing?¡± ¡°Saved my life,¡± Officer Macintire murmured. ¡°And, um, then Alicia helped me call it in,¡± Tabitha finished. ¡°Since I, uh, yeah. Hands weren¡¯t free. The little radio he wears on his belt, I think it was? We reported it, and then Officer Williams showed up after just a little bit, and¡ªthen yeah. All the rest is a big crazy blur. Paramedics took over. My hands were all, hah, they were. Bloody. Officer Williams had a jug of water in his trunk, he helped me wash everything off. Reporters showed up. I was just sort of in shock, and it got dark out and I was just staring at everything and maybe babbling and I don¡¯t know what I was thinking. It was a lot.¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°You saved my life. Scott and some of the others were tellin¡¯ me¡ªif I¡¯d lost another liter or so of blood, would¡¯ve been a preterminal event and they¡¯d have had a real hell of a time keeping me alive.¡± ¡°A liter is a lot,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°You uh, maybe would have¡ª¡± ¡°Liter¡¯s not a whole lot when you¡¯ve got a couple holes in you,¡± Officer Macintire grinned. ¡°Well, anyways¡ªthank you. I mean it. It was a big and bloody ordeal, you saved my life¡ªso let¡¯s celebrate with some of those big bloody steaks. Yeah?¡± ¡°Daaad¡ªgross!¡± Hannah giggled. ¡°Gross.¡±
Meat sizzled upon the grill in the Macintire¡¯s backyard, and together Tabitha and Hannah squinted through the streamer of steam and smoke to watch it, each of them wearing aprons and ready with their own pair of tongs. She¡¯d never actually cooked on a proper grill before, and the apparatus wasn¡¯t pristine shining metal lattice like she imagined from seeing people grill in commercials and such. The interior of the grill was caked with grayish white ash residue, the bars were a bit cruddy with old char. She had briefly attacked the surface with a wire brush, but her efforts did little to clean everything away. ¡°So¡ªyou were almost a movie star, you must know some big name actors,¡± Officer Macintire remarked. ¡°Turn it?¡± Hannah motioned to poke at the steak with her tongs. ¡°Not yet,¡± Tabitha cautioned. ¡°Oh, um,¡± Mrs. Moore sat upright in one of the loungers. ¡°I met a few? But it was just meeting them very briefly, I doubt any of them would remember me.¡± ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon¡ªwho, who?!¡± Officer Macintire goaded her on. ¡°These¡¯re celebrities we¡¯re talkin¡¯ about.¡± ¡°I shook hands with Charlie Sheen?¡± Mrs. Moore blushed. ¡°He was, of course, he was very handsome, back then. A big heartthrob.¡± ¡°Hey, I¡¯ve got Red Dawn, I¡¯m poppin¡¯ it in the VCR tonight for sure,¡± Officer Macintire chuckled. ¡°Great movie. Charlie Sheen¡¯s a big deal.¡± ¡°I, um, on the set honestly I didn¡¯t talk with the boys there, much,¡± Mrs. Moore admitted. ¡°I hung out with the other new girl there, and we talked together.¡± ¡°Kerri Green?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Okay Hannah¡ªI think you can flip it now.¡± ¡°Flipping it!¡± Hannah reported, rising up on her tiptoes as she grabbed the steak with her tongues and turned it over. ¡°Good job!¡± ¡°Kerri Green¡ªshe sounds familiar,¡± Officer Macintire muttered. ¡°The Goonies?¡± ¡°Um, well, yes, but I never met her,¡± Mrs. Moore hurried to say. ¡°Kerri was after me, um, she actually was brought in to replace me. When I left. The one I hung out with on set was Winona. She was a lot like Tabitha! I keep thinking that, lately.¡± ¡°Wait¡ªWinona? Winona Ryder?¡± Tabitha stopped and turned around to stare. ¡°You knew Winona Ryder?!¡± ¡°I did,¡± Mrs. Moore winced. ¡°I had her phone number, even. We, uh. I didn¡¯t keep in touch. After everything, after leaving all that behind. She was nice, though? Very young. Shy, she loved to read. Struggled to fit in. She was from Southern California, I think? Ryder wasn¡¯t her stage name then, it was something¡ªoh, shoot. Something that ended with a witz. Berkowitz? Maybe?¡± My mother knew Winona Ryder, Tabitha fell into a daze for a moment. Holy shit. BEETLEJUICE. Edward Scissorhands. Stranger Things. Oh, shit¡ªright in the 2000s is when she has that shoplifting scandal, isn¡¯t it? That set her career back. If mom still has her number somewhere, she should call, maybe? HOLY SHIT. ¡°She¡¯s pretty famous,¡± Officer Macintire laughed. ¡°Wow. She was just in a big one not too long ago. Alien Resurrection?¡± ¡°She is,¡± Tabitha agreed, a little perturbed. ¡°She¡¯s super famous.¡± ¡°I doubt she¡¯d even remember me,¡± Mrs. Moore let out a bitter laugh. ¡°I only even knew her for a few weeks. We were the newbies on the set of Lucas.¡± ¡°Has Hannah seen Beetlejuice?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Ah, no way,¡± Officer Macintire shook his head. ¡°Bit too scary for her, I think.¡± ¡°What is?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha frowned. ¡°Maybe. Maybe it wouldn¡¯t be so bad, if she watched it with me?¡± ¡°We don¡¯t want her having nightmares,¡± Officer Macintire shrugged. ¡°She had¡ªwhat was it, The Neverending Story? She watched it, and we had to put that one away for good, gave her nightmares. You remember, Hannah?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°With the wolf. Who hunted them across Fantasia. But, I was six. I¡¯m almost eight, now.¡± ¡°Think your momma had to fast forward through that ugly bit with the horse sinking into the swamp, too,¡± Officer Macintire shook his head. ¡°That bit was makin¡¯ everyone choke up. They weren¡¯t messin¡¯ around!¡± ¡°When¡¯s your birthday?¡± Mrs. Moore asked. ¡°Hannah?¡± ¡°March fifteenth!¡± Hannah reported. ¡°I¡¯m gonna be eight. It¡¯s already almost March.¡± ¡°Uh-oh,¡± Officer Macintire straightened. ¡°You know what I hear?¡± ¡°What?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°I think I hear Mommy.¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna be in so much trouble!¡± Hannah gloated. Turning to look, Tabitha saw movement beyond the glass door. A moment later it was pulled open, and then Sandra leaned out with a stern face. ¡°What in the world¡¯s going on out here?!¡± The woman¡¯s voice was angry but also a little teasing¡ªTabitha put on a bemused smile and allowed her eyebrows to rise as she pointed her tongs towards Officer Macintire. Hannah immediately followed suit, and the man managed to look incredibly aggrieved by them throwing the blame for their impromptu cookout squarely on his shoulders. Before Mrs. Macintire could continue performing her outrage however, she noticed Mrs. Moore¡ªand her face lit up with surprise at their unexpected guest. ¡°Oh! Hello there,¡± Mrs. Macintire stepped the whole way out and offered her hand. ¡°I guess my husband dragged you out here, too?¡± ¡°They um, they ran into me when they were picking up everything to grill,¡± Mrs. Moore explained in a fluster. ¡°I hope I¡¯m not a bother!¡± ¡°Of course not, just¡ª¡± Mrs. Macintire shook hands with her but turned and arched an eyebrow at her husband. ¡°What do you think you¡¯re doing, grilling?! You¡¯re supposed to be eating soft foods, buster!¡± ¡°I am!¡± Officer Macintire laughed, holding up his hands. ¡°I told the girls¡ªI said girls, cook ¡®em nice and tender for me, please.¡± ¡°Flip?¡± Hannah elbowed Tabitha. ¡°Is it my turn?¡± Tabitha checked the other steak. ¡°Ooh, this one¡¯s ready to flip. Okay. Thank you.¡± ¡°I see you got your cruiser back,¡± Mrs. Macintire sounded exasperated. ¡°So, I suppose you think you¡¯re all better, now? Huh, mister?¡± ¡°I parked in the street,¡± Officer Macintire sounded defensive. ¡°So you could park in the drive. I thought¡ªyou know, maybe we could celebrate?¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Sandra shared a glance with the girls. ¡°Hmmm,¡± Hannah agreed. ¡°Hmmmm!¡± Sandra finally let out a laugh. ¡°Okay, fine. But, you should have called! I would¡¯ve grabbed some wine on the way home. Shannon, can we get you anything? Water? Beer?¡± ¡°Oh, no, I¡¯m fine!¡± ¡°I can get everyone glasses,¡± Tabitha offered, passing her tongs to Hannah. ¡°Can you watch those for me, please? Thank you. I¡¯m going to go set the table.¡± ¡°If you¡¯d waited another week, we could¡¯ve been celebrating Miss Tabitha getting her cast off,¡± Mrs. Macintire reminded her husband, crossing the patio to give him a kiss on the cheek. ¡°Shoot, you¡¯re right,¡± Officer Macintire gave her a lopsided smile. ¡°But, y¡¯know what? We covered our bases, freezer¡¯s got a whole bunch more stuff we can cook. This is uh, this is our test run. Gettin¡¯ Tabby all familiar with the grill. Figure for when she celebrates, she¡¯ll want more notice so she can invite some of her friends over. Right?¡± ¡°Hmmmm¡­¡± Mrs. Macintire teased. Dang, Tabitha froze partway through the motion of removing her apron. That actually DOES sound like it could be a lot of fun. Willow watch party, and then barbeque? While Officer Macintire seemed intent on them having only steak for dinner tonight, Tabitha was certainly not. She knew the contents of the Macintire kitchen better than anyone, and had insisted on adding greens to the cart during their impromptu shopping trip today. Right after hurrying through the sliding glass door and over to the kitchen, Tabitha grabbed a pot and the colander from the drawer beneath the oven and set them up in each side of the sink. The pot she started filling from the tap, their salt container was grabbed from the overhead cabinet, and while the pot filled with water Tabitha crossed the kitchen to grab glasses from the other cupboard. She rounded the counter and started to set five places at the dinner table, and when she returned, she shut the water off and tilted two shakes of salt into the pot. The pot of water was set upon the stove and the heat turned to high¡ªTabitha knew from the progress of the steaks on the grill outside that she didn¡¯t have much time. Oh, shoot. Lid, lid¡ªwhere¡¯s the lid? With her hand still in the cast opening the silverware drawer, Tabitha was also crouching down below the stove to find the lid for the pot so that it would boil faster. She was no stranger to multi-tasking in the kitchen, but she was also feeling a little flustered and out of sorts tonight while her mother was here visiting. The lid was discovered and applied to the pot, and simultaneously Tabitha¡¯s good hand was scooping a handful of forks, and then knives out of the tray in the drawer. Another dash over to the table and Tabitha pulled napkins out of the holder in the center, then she swooped around the table setting utensils on top of napkins at each seat. When returning, a peek through the glass door showed Hannah was still standing over the steaks with diligence¡ªthen the bag of fresh green beans and the water purifier pitcher was withdrawn from the fridge. Green beans were dumped out into the colander, pitcher placed on the counter for her next trip in the direction of the table. Instant potatoes box grabbed from the pantry shelf above where the cereal boxes were lined up. Stack of plates acquired from the cupboard, whose door was still hanging ajar. She remembered to close it, nudging it shut with her elbow in passing. The green beans would be washed of any dirt or pesticides in the colander, then briefly put in the pot boiling water, and then Tabitha could simply rinse the colander and pour ice cubes into that to finish blanching the green beans. She would then also already have boiling water from the pot to put instant potato mix into. Dinner rolls were absent, but perhaps she could substitute a few of the hamburger buns they had on hand? Tabitha mulled it over with a serious look as she mixed and turned over the green beans beneath water from the spigot with her good hand. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mrs. Macintire had pulled the sliding glass door open and peeked inside. ¡°Did you need a hand setting the¡ªoh. Oh, I see you¡¯re also preparing an entire banquet. Hmmm.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just side dishes for with the steak!¡± Tabitha protested with a smile. ¡°Umm. It¡¯ll all be ready, I promise. Just give me until the water boils, plus¡­ three minutes?¡± ¡°Hon!¡± Mrs. Macintire called over her shoulder. ¡°Keep an eye on Hannah, we¡¯re gonna help Tabitha cook. Shannon?¡± ¡°Oh! Of course, I¡¯ll help.¡± ¡°Cook?! Whaddya mean cook, we have enough strip steaks for¡ª¡± ¡°They¡¯re just little side dishes!¡± Tabitha called with a giggle. ¡°I¡¯m going to be quick.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t need side dishes, we¡¯ve got the grill goin¡¯¡ªhey, hey wait Hannah, not you too! You can¡¯t all be abandoning me?!¡± ¡°Turn those as soon as they¡¯re ready!¡± A stern seven-year-old voice instructed him. Then it seemed like everyone was bustling inside to join Tabitha. With the greens washed, she tried to bring the plates and pitcher over to the table, but the mothers intercepted her and took everything off her hands to carry over. By the time Hannah also scampered inside eager to help, there wasn¡¯t much of anything left to even do. With an exasperated smile, Tabitha brought the step-stool over towards the stove and prepared a wooden basting spoon there, so that Hannah could mix the instant potatoes as soon as it was time for them. ¡°Just look at her go,¡± Mrs. Macintire teased, exchanging a glance with Mrs. Moore. ¡°Was she always like this?¡± ¡°She did almost all of the cooking for us,¡± Mrs. Moore admitted, looking both proud and embarrassed. ¡°We¡¯ve certainly missed her!¡± ¡°I bet,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled. The praise¡ªand the admission that she was missed¡ªmade the moment feel terribly awkward for Tabitha, all of the sudden frantic for some kitchen busywork to fill her hands with. Ice! For blanching the green beans. The Macintires had an automatic ice and water dispenser set into the door of their fancy fridge, but no one ever used it. The trigger for ice was loud and crashing and more often than not threw cubes across the tiled floor rather than into an offered cup, and the thing for water gave only tap water¡ªdog water, according to Sandra¡ªwhen the family here typically used the filtered water from a pitcher instead. Still, the contraption in the top of the freezer always dumped ice into a bin-like tray until it was full, and Tabitha eased the whole thing out and then set it on the counter beside the sink. Navigating her way around so many neglected luxuries here at the Macintires was a culture shock long since behind her, but it did cause Tabitha to pause and wonder just what impression the huge house with all of its nice furnishings was leaving on her mother. Was she intimidated? Would she be looking about at everything in a total daze? A glance over in that direction was even more startling¡ªbecause, Mrs. Moore was just watching her, and didn¡¯t seem to even notice anything else around. She was here visiting, but only seemed to have eyes for her daughter. The proud but wistful look her mother was giving her felt like a slap to the face, it smacked away any of the preconceptions around stark difference in class Tabitha wanted to build up, and it in no way allowed Tabitha to frame this situation around her trailer trash mom as a shut-in paralyzed by social anxiety. Because¡­ Tabitha swallowed back her unease. She¡¯s not, anymore. She¡¯s working a SERVICE POSITION job. Somehow. Working with people all day. Which still seems impossible. If¡ªwait WAIT HANNAH NO¡ª! ¡°No no, hold on!¡± Tabitha intervened just before the little girl could dump a cup of instant potato mix into the pot. ¡°Hannah honey, we¡¯re going to use that for blanching the green beans, first. And, it still needs to boil. Remember, we have to add the instant potatoes after the water boils?¡± ¡°Oh yeah, boil,¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°I forgot.¡± They had worked together making instant potatoes for dinners before here, and Tabitha was very proud that Hannah had picked out a measuring cup and even seemed to pretend to read the box for the suggested serving size. Was Hannah anxious to show off how useful and helpful she was in the kitchen, since they had a guest over? Or, wait, Tabitha wanted to flush in embarrassment. Am *I* the one anxious to show off? I was really gripped with the sudden urge to rush in here and, yeah¡ªget a bunch of stuff done, all of the sudden. Even when I¡¯m pretty sure no one else cared whether or not we¡¯d be having side dishes to go with steak tonight. ¡°Good job being helpful, Hannah,¡± Mrs. Macintire praised. ¡°Shannon¡ªjust about every night, Tabitha¡¯s been with Hannah, teaching her to cook. Those two are just adorable, Hannah sticks to her like glue. Do you want to see¡ª¡± ¡°I do not!¡± Hannah protested. ¡°Not like glue.¡± ¡°¡ªDo you want to see some photos we took?¡± Mrs. Macintire rolled her eyes. ¡°I got them developed, but we haven¡¯t sat down and fit them into an album yet. Karen wants to get me into her whole scrapbooking nonsense, all those ladies get together and go nuts over that stuff.¡± ¡°I¡¯d love to!¡± Mrs. Moore agreed, lighting up. ¡°You have photos already?¡± ¡°Y-you what,¡± Tabitha found herself just as surprised. ¡°Since when?!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve snapped a few here and there,¡± Mrs. Macintire said with a smirk. ¡°I¡¯m sure you remember some of them¡ªdon¡¯t you remember getting pictures taken when you two were painting up that bookshelf?¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha¡¯s shoulder sagged, because now she did remember. ¡°Right.¡± So, while Sandra ducked off into the master bedroom to grab photos, Tabitha closely examined the pot of water on the stove for bubbles or steam as if that endeavor took her full attention. Mrs. Moore stood near the dining table as if struggling to broach conversation or think of something to say, while Hannah seemed to soak up the awkward atmosphere and translate it into fidgeting and discomfort of her own. You should say something, Tabitha told herself. She¡¯s lost more weight, I think. She¡¯s¡ªyep, she¡¯s still pregnant. Still weird, I guess I figured she would just gain everything back and then some. She¡¯s working. She¡¯s OUT OF THE HOUSE. ¡°You¡¯re back to school, now?¡± Mrs. Moore broke the tense silence first. ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha answered, relieved at an easy topic. ¡°It¡¯s different, this time. It¡¯s going to be different. I¡¯m, um. Paying attention to the people, this time. Not just the assignments and schoolwork. Forcing myself to talk to people, get to know new people. Maybe make friends.¡± ¡°We bought a towel,¡± Hannah added. ¡°Show her your towel.¡± ¡°Oh, I, uh, yes we bought a towel, too,¡± Tabitha winced. ¡°I have Personal Fitness. For first period. I already took it into school, though. For the locker room. It¡¯s a Coca Cola towel¡ªwith a polar bear on it. Like in the commercials.¡± ¡°It¡¯s cool,¡± Hannah said. ¡°I helped pick it out.¡± ¡°Personal Fitness?¡± Mrs. Moore asked, looking concerned. ¡°Do they¡ª¡± ¡°I have a doctor¡¯s note,¡± Tabitha quickly assured her. ¡°I¡¯m not doing anything active, yet. But¡ªyeah. Soon. Coach Baylor is very nice. I have some friends in that one¡ªVanessa. Marisa, Grace, Tiffany. Bobby.¡± ¡°Bobby is her boyfriend,¡± Hannah confided. Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but shoot a horrified look down at Hannah for that betrayal, but Hannah seemed oblivious and instead gave her a supportive nod of the head. ¡°Bobby is a friend,¡± Tabitha hurried to clarify. ¡°You, um, you might have met him at¡ªshoot. No, I guess you haven¡¯t met him, yet. He¡¯s a friend from school. He¡¯s nice. His brother works at the gas station just above the trailer park.¡± ¡°Oh, I see,¡± Mrs. Moore remarked with interest. ¡°Bobby¡¯s in her same league, though,¡± Hannah insisted. ¡°Big leagues. She said she actually likes¡ª¡± ¡°Hannah!¡± Tabitha hissed. ¡°Photos!¡± Mrs. Macintire saved the day with her return, waving a small stack of four by six inch prints. ¡°You¡¯re gonna love these.¡± Hannah squeezed in beside her mother as the two women slowly went through each of the photos. Tabitha wanted to peek as well, but wasn¡¯t comfortable crowding in and settled for Mrs. Macintire¡¯s commentary as she paced around the kitchen, watching both the stovetop and peeking out to gauge Officer Macintire¡¯s progress on the grill. The situation was unsettling her, and Tabitha eventually forced herself still in an attempt to hide her agitation. ¡°This is them and that bookshelf,¡± Mrs. Macintire narrated. ¡°They designed it and put it together all by themselves¡ªTabitha wanted one that would fit Hannah¡¯s big storybooks.¡± ¡°And they painted it?¡± Mrs. Moore wore an expression of admiration as she gazed down at the photo. ¡°It actually wasn¡¯t as messy as I was afraid it would be,¡± Mrs. Macintire hummed. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s not messy,¡± Hannah chirped. ¡°She¡¯s always cleaning and organizing things. She¡¯s not messy.¡± ¡°This was them out in the yard,¡± Mrs. Macintire continued on to the next photo. ¡°They squared off a little area for a flower garden, but I think the rest of that plan is on hold until spring?¡± ¡°Vegetable garden,¡± Hannah corrected. ¡°We¡¯re gonna grow vegetables¡ªthat we¡¯re gonna eat.¡± ¡°Oh, you¡¯re gonna eat veggies?¡± Mrs. Macintire teased. ¡°Yeah¡ªjust the ones we grow ourselves,¡± Hannah insisted. ¡°They¡¯re different when you grow them yourselves. They¡¯re gonna be really good.¡± ¡°This was¡ªhmm, I think in this one we were playing dress up,¡± Mrs. Macintire flipped to another one. ¡°Oh! I remember. She¡¯s wearing my sandals, here. This was the day we were getting all fancy and fashionable so she could go to the mall with her friends. She was so excited!¡± ¡°I went, too!¡± Hannah added. ¡°I went with Matthew. And Casey. But we all met at the food court. Tabitha was with Alicia and Elenia.¡± ¡°Elena,¡± Mrs. Macintire corrected. ¡°She looks lovely,¡± Mrs. Moore commented. ¡°She has those great blouses¡ªshe sews them up herself. From dresses.¡± ¡°Not by myself,¡± Tabitha interrupted. ¡°I just help finish re-hemming them, really. Grandma Laurie does most of the work. Thrift store dresses.¡± ¡°Well, they are gorgeous,¡± Mrs. Macintire looked up at Tabitha with a smile. ¡°Maybe we¡¯ll have to make a trip to the thrift store with our little string bean?¡± ¡°I wanna go,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°Can we go tonight?¡± ¡°I think maybe over the weekend,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled. ¡°Or, we can go through your closet and see if there¡¯s any old dresses we can redo?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah nodded again with a serious frown. ¡°Maybe.¡± Officer Macintire shut off the grill and came in with a plate of steaks before Tabitha was finished with the beans and potatoes¡ªthe women at the table going over photos from her birthday party distracted her. Tabitha had not remembered anyone taking pictures, and it felt like that should have been something that stood out. Because, back here in the late nineties, photography was an involved process with a camera and film cartridges that needed to be taken to a specialist to be developed. Snapping a quick shot wasn¡¯t as simple as pointing an early two-thousands device towards something and thumbing the screen, or evoking key phrase cheese in the twenty-forties and having the gem bauble on your bracelet PC capture a panorama of most everything around you to save as a still. But, then again¡ªmy mind was EVERYWHERE ELSE during the party, Tabitha remembered as she hurried to finish the potatoes. It felt like my first dry run at hanging out with a big group of teenage peers, so my focus was on them and the adults kind of seemed to fade into the background. She no longer saw herself as a grown-up in fourteen-year-old disguise. However, she also acknowledged that she was much more self-aware and mature than she had been when she was originally this age. Maturity was a mixed bag with different benchmarks all over the place¡ªboth of the Macintire adults were wise beyond the years but also often displayed downright juvenile streaks. Their seven-year-old sometimes displayed a rather shrewd intelligence amidst her normal childishness. It¡¯s even harder to gauge among my friends, Tabitha thought to herself. Elena looks to Ziggy as if she has all the answers¡ªwhen in reality Elena is so much more put together and on top of things that it¡¯s not even funny. The photos were set aside as they all sat down to eat, and the meal was amazing. In her past life, Tabitha hadn¡¯t learned how she liked her steak until it was practically too late¡ªinto her mid-thirties. On the rare occasions she was ever asked how she liked her meat, her reflexive answer was well done and not much thought was put into it. Realizing that well done was equivalent to dining on shoe leather most of the time made having steak a transformative experience. Oh, wow, Tabitha¡¯s eyes watered and she gave Officer Macintire an appreciative nod as the juicy mouthful of steak blossomed into sheer decadence with each chew. He nodded back, too busy eating himself to give her any words, and Mrs. Macintire joined in by making an appreciative sound. For several minutes little else was heard around the table by the clinking of silverware against plates. I guess, in the back of my mind my assumption was that medium well and medium rare meant UNCOOKED, and uncooked meant UNSAFE TO EAT. BLOODY. GROSS. When the reality is¡­ a little more complicated than that. The reality turned out to be a whole lot more delicious than that. This is friggin¡¯ AMAZING. ¡°Hm hmm?¡± Tabitha asked, gesturing towards Hannah¡¯s plate. ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah slid it towards her¡ªwith fork and steak knife in death grips she had wrestled to saw off one chunk of her strip steak so far. ¡°I mean. Yes, please.¡± ¡°Mmh hmmhh,¡± Tabitha nodded. Taking the fork in her hand still enveloped in the cast was tricky, but Tabitha was able to pin the steak down and then quickly slice the thing apart into a dozen bite-sized morsels for Hannah. Mashed potatoes were also on the plate but untouched so far, and Hannah was not interested in trying the green beans. Ketchup was also sitting on the plate in an aberrant little red pile¡ªHannah didn¡¯t like A1 sauce and instead insisted on eating her steak with ketchup. Tabitha slid the plate back towards her young ward, trying hard not to judge her. She¡¯s the reason we have instant potatoes instead of real potatoes, too, Tabitha wanted to shake her head. I bet if we made real mashed potatoes together, and I could get her to try it, she¡¯d love it. But, that¡¯s the rub, isn¡¯t it? Getting a picky eater kid to actually try something. I was the same when I was her age, wasn¡¯t I? Maybe worse. At least Hannah didn¡¯t want her steak well done, hah. I bet Officer Macintire never even let her know that was an option. ¡°This is,¡± Mrs. Moore paused to swallow. ¡°This is the best thing I¡¯ve ever tasted in my entire life.¡± ¡°Mm-hmmm,¡± Officer Macintire nodded with enthusiasm, ripping into his second steak already. ¡°God, I¡¯ve missed this. Shannon, we¡¯ve done one up extra¡ªfor you to take home with you.¡± ¡°I can put it in tupperware,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded. ¡°You can give it to your husband, or¡ªkeep it a secret, save it for later for yourself! That¡¯s what I would do.¡± ¡°You would not,¡± Officer Macintire teased. ¡°You always save me the best.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Sandra smirked. ¡°It¡¯s good that you think so, at least. You should see the stuff that doesn¡¯t get set aside for you.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°The best stuff is for me.¡± How often have my parents had¡­ NICE food? Tabitha wondered. We had steak all the time, growing up. Sort of. Well, we had ¡®steak¡¯. With either an asterisk beside it, or sarcastic air-quotation marks. Because, it was Banquet or Hungry-Man salisbury steak, the ones in frozen dinners. Which are made to loosely resemble steaks, but can¡¯t really be called actual steak. More like a ground beef patty, except it¡¯s leftover beef bits and pork and bread crumb and fillers and¡­ it¡¯s just like a meatlike mashup of cheap ingredients. Not this. This is STEAK, real steak. ¡°Oh! Thank you, really,¡± Mrs. Moore looked touch. ¡°Thank you. You really don¡¯t have to. He¡¯ll, well. He¡¯ll love it. It would be a good peace offering, hah. We haven¡¯t been getting along.¡± Because of me, Tabitha almost dropped her fork as what felt like a bombshell killed the rest of her appetite. Of course. Of course they¡¯re fighting¡ªI knew they were. I guess. I just haven¡¯t wanted to think about it. About how fucking stubborn dad was being over the whole LISA issue. I¡¯ve packed all of that up and basically chucked it over my shoulder to put it behind me. Don¡¯t really even want to revisit it. Any of it. ¡°Men are so stubborn,¡± Mrs. Macintire said, after visibly restraining herself from expressing much more vilifying comments. ¡°Your husband¡­ especially so.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure he meant well,¡± Officer Macintire shrugged. ¡°Always gonna be tough when it¡¯s family. See it all the time. I¡¯ve had to tell parents their kid¡¯s been caught breaking and entering. Grand theft auto. Lots of kids get into¡ªyou know, pot, pills. Huffing paint and God knows what else, these days. Havin¡¯ to tell the parents? Seeing that wall of disbelief just spring up into place? Always tough. Sometimes it¡¯s worse, because they know deep down that their little boy or little girl has gotten themselves into real trouble, but they¡¯ll think if they actively pretend hard enough otherwise, then that¡¯ll make it the truth.¡± ¡°Uh-huh, texas shoeshine,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded along. ¡°This was a couple years back, all the kids were into huffing. Absolutely insane. Paint, propane, that uh, what was it? Cleaner fluid, the video head cleaner stuff? Had a little rash of those cases pop up in Springton.¡± ¡°In Springton?¡± Mrs. Moore let out a noise of disbelief. ¡°Oh yeah,¡± Officer Macintire bobbed his head. ¡°We got that all nipped in the bud, though. Everyone and their uncle ¡®round here knows somebody or other who can get them pot, but the pills, the huffing nonsense, stuff like heroin? We shut that down hard.¡± ¡°And this with Lisa was heroin,¡± Mrs. Moore said in a small voice. ¡°Well,¡± Officer Macintire paused. ¡°It has no place in Springton. It was a minor case of Shelbyville problems leakin¡¯ on out of Shelbyville. It happens, we know who to go to, it gets taken care of here. Not much else we can do.¡± ¡°I¡¯m from Ohio,¡± Mrs. Macintire revealed with a wince. ¡°So¡ªthe drug stuff, the hard drugs? Yeah.¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m so sorry,¡± Mrs. Moore shook her head. ¡°Wow. Ohio.¡± ¡°What¡¯s Ohio?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°It¡¯s not a place fit to talk about in front of children,¡± Mrs. Macintire teased, shaking her head in dismay. ¡°It¡¯s an awful place, full of very bad people.¡± ¡°Ohio is where we go when we visit your mae-ma,¡± Officer Macintire indulged his daughter with a better answer. ¡°You¡¯ve been there before. Your mother grew up there. I went to college, there. But, yes, otherwise it¡¯s an awful place.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Hannah played with her mashed potatoes. ¡°I remember visiting mae-ma. It wasn¡¯t that bad.¡± ¡°Yeah, for you,¡± Sandra muttered under her breath. ¡°Anyways. Tabitha, your aunt Lisa is in a program at a good place, and they¡¯re gonna help her however best they can. It¡¯s not something you or any of your family should worry about now. Thoughts and prayers, that¡¯s about all you can do right now.¡± ¡°We weren¡¯t close,¡± Mrs. Moore admitted. ¡°I didn¡¯t much care for her, to be honest. She¡¯s my sister-in-law, and¡ªmy husband¡¯s brother had already gotten himself locked up last year.¡± ¡°Mm-hmm, we heard,¡± Officer Macintire nodded. ¡°And, they had kids?¡± ¡°Four boys,¡± Tabitha remarked. ¡°I, um. I was trying to be there for them as much as I could. They¡¯re all in elementary, still.¡± ¡°She bought them each Gameboys for Christmas,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°Or¡ªwell. I suppose you all bought them?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head. ¡°That was Tabitha¡¯s money. Not ours. We just set up a little advance on her settlement money.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Mrs. Moore blinked. ¡°Wow. Well, I can tell you each of the boys was just over the moon about them. They¡¯re crazy about those handheld things, I¡¯m told they¡¯ve barely set them down. Your grandma Laurie said it¡¯s more peaceful and well-behaved over there then it¡¯s ever been.¡± ¡°Hannah has one of those same ones,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled. ¡°Pokemon? She sits on the sofa and plays away at it. It looks fun.¡± ¡°It is,¡± Hannah reported. ¡°Tabitha plays, too.¡± ¡°For the four boys, it feels like trying to put a band-aid on a much more serious problem,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°I¡¯m glad that it¡¯s helping, but. I want to get them some better direction in their life, some more positive influences. I was thinking either boy scouts¡ªcub scouts?¡ªor taekwondo classes, or¡ªI don¡¯t know, something.¡± The Macintire couple exchanged glances at that, and both of them shared a small smile that Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how to interpret. ¡°Little league? Soccer?¡± Mrs. Macintire suggested. ¡°I¡¯m sure Springton has all sorts of youth programs, right? I guess I¡¯d have to ask Karen about them¡ªshe seems like she has a finger in all that stuff around town. Church groups?¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°You mentioned you normally go to the same one with the Williams? Springton United Methodist?¡± ¡°Mm-hmm,¡± Sandra had the good grace to look guilty. ¡°Well, sorta. It¡¯s been a while.¡± ¡°My fault, I¡¯ve been stuck here at home,¡± Officer Macintire said. ¡°Bedrest. Ugh.¡± ¡°We tried going to the Presbyterian one in town,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°But, I¡¯m not sure anything really clicked.¡± ¡°Your friend Elena¡¯s church,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded. ¡°Your father said he liked that one. I thought it was okay.¡± ¡°Would you want to try out Methodist?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°Whatever you want to do is fine,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°I¡¯m sure if both the Macintires and Williams go to it, it must be a good church.¡± ¡°Kids Tabitha¡¯s age, too,¡± Mrs. Macintire pointed out. ¡°They have a pretty big youth group, there. Matthew, Casey. What was that other girl¡¯s name? The real cross-looking one.¡± ¡°Olivia,¡± Tabitha supplied. ¡°She only looks cross¡ªshe¡¯s actually very sweet.¡± In no time at all, everyone¡¯s plates were cleared. The green beans were pleasant enough, but the grilled steaks really stole the show¡ªthey were just that good. Tabitha had hoped that using the water she¡¯d boiled the green beans in to hydrate the potato mix would give them some kind of faint flavor to detect, but the stubborn starch paste seemed intent on tasting like nothing much at all. ¡°Well, again¡ªthank you so much for having me over,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°Dinner was wonderful. I¡¯m so glad I got to catch up with Tabitha again, so really¡ªthank you.¡± For how tense and nervous Tabitha had felt this entire time, the thought of her mom just leaving now filled her with a sense of panic and loss. They hadn¡¯t really had much of an opportunity to talk about anything, and she wasn¡¯t even sure what she had expected. A private conversation that resolved all of her lingering family issues? A heart to heart that really reconnected them again? Some small part of Tabitha was wishing that her mother would ask for her to come back, to express some sort of need for her presence in their life, over there. ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha felt just as surprised as everyone else when words started coming out of her mouth. ¡°I could spend the night over there. At the trailer park. Every now and then, or um. Whenever. Just ride the bus I used to for school, and then take the other bus back here. So that I¡¯m not troubling anyone for a ride, or¡ª¡± ¡°Of course, of course,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded. ¡°Yeah, I mean¡ªwhatever you want to do.¡± ¡°Oh, well,¡± Mrs. Moore seemed stunned. ¡°Tonight? Tabitha, I¡¯d just love for you to¡ª¡± ¡°No!¡± Hannah interrupted them with a raised voice¡ªwhen Tabitha looked over she saw Hannah¡¯s normally adorable little face warped in anger and fear like she¡¯d never seen it before. ¡°NO! No, no, no! You CAN¡¯T leave. YOU CAN¡¯T!¡± 59, The terrible tantrum. ¡°Hannah, it would just be for¡ª¡± Tabitha tried to explain. ¡°NO, No you can¡¯t leave you can¡¯t leave¡ª!¡± Hannah wailed, and her quaking voice rose in decibel until Tabitha flinched back from the sheer volume. Dgou CAN¡¯T leeEEEAAaaavee¡ª!!¡± When Hannah¡¯s pitch became a downright squeal, Officer Macintire and Mrs. Macintire exchanged meaningful looks and then rose up from their seats. Seeing that they were keeping their calm, that the two parents had a response to this and weren¡¯t panicking filled Tabitha with relief¡ªbecause she herself was thrown into a panic by this sudden turn in the little girl¡¯s mood. Tabitha had been warned that a tantrum or emotional episode like this might happen sometimes, they had told her it was possible from the very beginning. But, nothing prepared her for actually seeing it happen firsthand. Over their many weeks together, Hannah had been on such outstanding behavior for her that it had become a point of pride. Tabitha had perhaps began to delude herself into thinking that perhaps she was some exceptional Mary Poppins figure who was simply outstanding with children. It was easy to start thinking that when she only dealt with the little girl at her best, and never underwent the trials and tribulations of Hannah at her worst. Now that she saw it, Tabitha could only feel humbled, because she was terribly out of her depth. Hannah was already beyond words and simply screaming, thrashing and fighting as the pair of parents patiently gathered her up and carried her off towards her bedroom. Tabitha watched them go while sitting tense on the edge of her seat, because it felt like she should have been intervening or at least doing something. The whole situation felt so bizarre after only seeing Hannah as an adorable and quite reasonable little person. It¡¯s crazy, Tabitha thought in a daze. It¡¯s like suddenly being made to see that a close friend actually has a mental illness. Except, rather than an illness or something wrong with her, it¡¯s just¡ªshe¡¯s seven. This is normal. It¡¯s honestly probably more strange that I hadn¡¯t seen her have an episode until now. Another shrill scream sounded out from down the hallway to Hannah¡¯s bedroom, causing Tabitha to flinch back. Normal or not, Tabitha still felt responsible for Hannah¡¯s outburst, and in more ways than one. She knew all along Hannah had latched onto her and even maybe begun to idolize her, and she¡¯d done nothing to discourage that, she hadn¡¯t ensured that there was a healthy distance between them or ensured that Hannah wouldn¡¯t grow too attached. Tabitha wasn¡¯t even sure that would have been possible. Hannah needed a figure like Tabitha in her life just as Tabitha had needed Hannah. Still sitting rigid in her seat, Tabitha strained her ears, but aside from Hannah bawling loudly she couldn¡¯t hear either of the parents over there at all. She was worried for a moment that they would have stern words for Hannah, or that they would raise their voices or something¡ªbut then, on the other hand now she was concerned that they apparently weren¡¯t doing that. She had no idea what anyone was supposed to do to placate a screaming, out of control child, just that the yelling and crying was deeply unsettling and a situation outside of her experiences. ¡°Goodness,¡± Mrs. Moore let out an uneasy chuckle. ¡°She sure has a pair of lungs on her!¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Was I ever¡­ like that?¡± ¡°No, no,¡± Mrs. Moore wore a bittersweet expression Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how to interpret. ¡°Never like that¡ªwhen you threw a fuss, you were quiet. You¡¯d hide in your room and wouldn¡¯t come out. Your father said we were blessed, because that way we could just leave you be, let you calm down on your own. But, I don¡¯t know. Sometimes I wish you¡¯d been more vocal. Like Hannah. So that we would know, really know what was going on with you. The way it was, well, I¡¯m not sure we could ever tell when you were upset, and when you were, you know. Just off doing your own thing.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha remarked, staring down at her plate. That sounded about right, but those memories were so far away they were totally indistinct. Or, was her mother referring to even times after Tabitha¡¯s mind had transmigrated? It was difficult to tell. Right after appearing in this timeline she had needed a lot of space from her parents, because adjusting to living with them again after decades on her own had been¡­ difficult. Truth be told, it still was. It always would be. ¡°Well,¡± Mrs. Macintire returned with a strained smile. ¡°Never a dull moment. I¡¯m so sorry about that!¡± ¡°N-no, no, it¡¯s fine,¡± Tabitha hurried to assure her. ¡°I probably shouldn¡¯t have, um¡ª¡± ¡°Not your fault,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head as she slipped back into her seat. ¡°This was¡­ well, this was a long time coming, I think.¡± Tabitha nodded along because she knew that was true, but agreeing did nothing to assuage the guilt she felt for prompting this situation. ¡°Hey,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°Tabby, hon. She¡¯ll be fine. She just needs to get it all out of her system, and then she¡¯ll feel better. Okay? It¡¯s no big deal. Seriously. These used to happen all the time. Last year we¡¯d have meltdown Mondays, because she didn¡¯t want to go back to kindergarten, not after having a whole weekend away from school. She¡¯d have hissyfits over not wanting to stop watching cartoons when it was bedtime, she¡¯d throw tantrums over trying new food for supper. Trust me, this is back to normal.¡± ¡°I¡­¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°In my head, yes I do understand that, but¡ª¡± ¡°Not your fault!¡± Mrs. Macintire insisted. ¡°If anything, you¡¯re to blame for this whole past month of peace and quiet. Okay? She¡¯s seven years old.¡± ¡°I should have¡ªwell, I should have brought up that whole topic a little more delicately,¡± Tabitha said with a wince. ¡°If¡ª¡± ¡°It would¡¯ve been the same,¡± Sandra leaned back in her chair, dismissing Tabitha¡¯s words with a wave. ¡°This was bound to happen, no matter what. And, since that¡¯s the case¡­ we should probably talk about what you¡¯d like to do, huh?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to just leave,¡± Tabitha blurted out. ¡°I mean. Not because she threw a tantrum, or¡ªwhat I mean to say is, that I do love it here. I very much appreciate all the time here with your family. I mean that.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded. ¡°You know we feel the same way, and you¡¯re always welcome, no matter what.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°It¡¯s just. Ostensibly, I was supposed to be here to help you with Hannah. And, well, to keep an eye on your husband, in case there were any unexpected um. Medical emergencies, or whatnot. But. He¡¯s had a lot of time to rest and recover, and he¡¯s back on his feet, now. I think going forward, I¡¯ll start to feel less¡­ necessary, here. And more like I¡¯m a burden on your family. Your finances.¡± ¡°Gonna stop you right there,¡± Mrs. Macintire held up a hand. ¡°We will still need you, Tabitha hon. We might not need you here twenty-four-seven like we¡¯ve had you for, but I¡¯m still working a lot of hours, and Darren will be back at the station catching up on things. I would¡­ we would very much appreciate it, if you could still be here sometimes to help out with Hannah, or help out around the house. You¡¯ve been a Godsend, I really mean that, and I shudder to imagine trying to just go back to the way things were here before we had you. ¡°It was a struggle, and it just felt like we were barely ever keeping up with anything. When Hannah was real little, I was home with her all the time, and we¡¯d just gotten the house¡ªmoney was very tight, we were up to our eyeballs in debt. As time went on and we were able to put Hannah in school, I picked up a job, and that helped! With the bills. Not with Hannah, not really, and us not having enough time with her¡ªor being too stressed out and tired to properly have time with her, well. You get it. Raising a child isn¡¯t something you can do just by piling on Barbies and dolls, playsets and stuffed animals, toys and games whenever she gives you grief. It was just¡­ a lot easier to do that. ¡°So¡ªyes, we spoiled her, and I don¡¯t think we really saw how bad that was getting, until we had you here to help with her and show us how much better things could be. Spending money on necessities for you instead of toys and junk for her, while you then have the time to give her all of the attention and care she needs¡ªthings have been better, much better. I wish we had thought of this sooner. You really connect with Hannah in a way we as parents even cannot, and I don¡¯t think we¡¯d have ever dreamed to have a sitter or live-in nanny that could have worked out this well. ¡°Hannah needed a big sister, and we found one in you.¡± ¡°N-no, no, I um, I needed you guys a lot more than you needed me,¡± Tabitha said in a fluster, realizing that she was starting to choke up. ¡°Uh. Mom, not that living with you and dad at the trailer was horrible or bad or anything, I just mean¡ª¡± ¡°I understand,¡± Mrs. Moore nodded, seeming unbothered. ¡°You needed time and space from us. Maybe you still do.¡± ¡°I¡ªI¡ª¡± Tabitha was tearing up. She had retained her calm right up until Mrs. Macintire started to refer to them needing her in the past tense¡ªthat subtle signal that this fantasy family life was drawing to a close cut deeper than she¡¯d imagined possible. Or rather, even if things weren¡¯t completely over, this was them all acknowledging the beginning of the end, where they were going to transition back towards having Tabitha stay with her real family. That had always been the plan, and she¡¯d kept that in mind all along, or at least she thought she had. But, then also she had immersed herself so deeply in pretending this was her new family, in forgetting her trailer park past, that somehow this moment felt like the end of a very happy dream. Suspension of disbelief was broken, and now even when she did spend time with the Macintires, it would feel more in the context of a visitor, a guest. No, that¡¯s maybe not true. I don¡¯t know, Tabitha chided herself. I¡¯m just. REAL emotional, right now. Want to cry even over nothing. This doesn¡¯t HAVE to mean anything has really changed. Right? Mrs. Macintire is still so much like a mom to me, even if yeah I¡¯ll be staying over here sometimes rather than LIVING here. I¡¯m being melodramatic. I¡¯m¡ª ¡°Tabitha, don¡¯t start crying, because then I¡¯ll start crying!¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed and then took a deep breath. ¡°Seriously. Not a whole lot changes, even if you do start living back with your parents again. You¡¯re always welcome here, I mean that. Even if it¡¯s just, I don¡¯t know, you commuting here now and then after school, to help with Hannah. We don¡¯t have a guest room anymore, that is your room. Okay? We¡¯re not¡ªwe¡¯re not kicking you out, or anything like that! In another year or so you¡¯ll have your own car, and this distance between this home and that home won¡¯t even mean a thing. Okay?¡± ¡°We feel the same!¡± Mrs. Moore hurried to add. ¡°Whatever you want to do¡ªwherever you want to stay. If you want to come home, to spend time with us, that¡¯s completely fine! We¡¯ll be thrilled to have you. Whenever you want to be over here, that¡¯s fine too. Or at your grandmother¡¯s! There will always be space for you.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha tried to calm herself down and only partially succeeded. ¡°Thank you. Both of you, really. I¡ªI do still have a responsibility to my parents, my real parents. And making sure they¡¯re okay. I also want to take care of Hannah, for¡ªfor however long you need me for. I need to take care of my cousins, too, I have a responsibility there. I¡¯m the reason their mother won¡¯t be there for them.¡± ¡°No. You¡¯re not,¡± Mrs. Macintire refused Tabitha¡¯s last statement. ¡°Tabitha, your aunt was doing drugs. She¡¯s responsible for her own decisions.¡± ¡°Your Aunt Lisa was gone from their lives even before all that,¡± Mrs. Moore agreed. ¡°You¡¯re not to blame at all for what she got herself up to, any of that.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha gave them a helpless shrug. ¡°Well, regardless. They are still my cousins, and they¡¯ve lost both of their parents. Grandma Laurie can¡¯t take care of them forever. I need to be there for them, when I can. Be more a part of their lives. Haven¡¯t been great about that, lately.¡± ¡°I just don¡¯t want you feeling yourself spread too thin,¡± Mrs. Macintire sighed. ¡°You have plenty on your plate to worry about just with school, you know?¡± ¡°School,¡± Tabitha echoed, indeed feeling a little overwhelmed. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll¡­ I¡¯ll figure it all out? I¡¯ll, uh.¡± She felt her processes lurch to a halt before she could continue that sentence. Tabitha honestly wasn¡¯t sure how much of everything she could actually juggle. Throwing herself fully into school life where she was set on forging new friendships and being social and not letting herself become a vulnerable introvert only seemed possible when her after-school routine was easy, predictable time with Hannah and the Macintires. Dealing with her real parents in the trailer park, looking after her cousins again¡ªwas all of that going to be too much for her to handle? ¡°I¡¯ll¡ª¡± Tabitha tried again, but she really wasn¡¯t sure. ¡°Let¡¯s table this discussion for later, how about that?¡± Mrs. Macintire seemed to sense her struggle. ¡°To whenever we can sit down with both of your parents and hammer out something that makes sense. How does that sound? Something like¡ªI don¡¯t know¡ªweekdays and school with us, you looking after Hannah here then. Weekends with your family over there, time with your cousins then. And, once we¡¯ve tried that out and seen how that goes, we can adjust from there?¡± ¡°I¡ªyes, sorry,¡± Tabitha apologized. ¡°I, uh. I don¡¯t think I really have my thoughts on everything collected, just yet.¡± ¡°No matter what you decide, I¡¯m very happy I got to spend time with you today,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°Thank you all so much for having me over.¡± ¡°We¡ªwe need to talk sometime,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Just you and me. About¡ªabout everything. Dad. Your new job¡ªthe family. I¡¯m sorry, I just¡ª¡± ¡°You have a lot on your plate!¡± Mrs. Moore rose from her chair and put a hand on Tabitha¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯d love to talk with you, whenever you¡¯re ready. I feel so relieved just, you know, being here and being able to touch bases with you guys on everything. I¡¯m really proud of you¡ªyou¡¯ve been doing so well, here.¡± ¡°She¡¯s been a complete blessing,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded. ¡°Tabitha? If you want to spend tonight over at your parent¡¯s place, we can do that. I can drive you both over.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Tabitha froze with indecision for a moment. ¡°No, not tonight. I think¡­ I think tonight I¡¯m going to go sit with Hannah, calm her down until she can go to sleep.¡± ¡°If that¡¯s what you want to do,¡± Mrs. Macintire nodded her head again. ¡°Shannon¡ªI¡¯ll put this last steak here in some tupperware, and I can zip you on over there.¡± ¡°Thank you so much,¡± Mrs. Moore said. Tabitha got out of her chair, and she shared a heartfelt hug with her mother¡ªor at least, she hoped it was heartfelt. Then she watched in a daze as the two women bustled about the kitchen together putting a steak into a container, and then heading out the door. A shy wave was exchanged just before her mother turned to leave, but Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure how she really felt about that, either. She was feeling very discombobulated right now, by everything¡ªshe was feeling too many things at once, in too many directions. ¡°I feel¡­ spread thin,¡± Tabitha muttered to a now empty dining room as she struggled to regain her bearings. ¡°Stretched¡ªlike butter scraped over too much bread.¡± It felt rather pretentious to reference one of Tolkien¡¯s more memorable quotes simply because she was torn between the privilege of having two families that cared a lot about her. However, she was also a teenager, so waxing melodramatic at moments like these felt¡­ well, it felt just right. Bilbo Baggin¡¯s lines about his age had always been profound lines from reading the book, and then in the films Ian Holm¡¯s delivery of the words made them absolutely iconic. I am old, Gandalf. I know I don¡¯t look it¡ªbut I am beginning to feel it. Tabitha didn¡¯t have the courage to let herself utter those words anymore, because the opposite was just as true. She shouldn¡¯t feel so young and impossibly overwhelmed by everything in life¡ªbut there was just so much her future experiences never ever prepared her for. Schoolwork was easy, but socializing at school absolutely was not. Playing live-in governess to a little girl was easy¡­ so long as the little girl was always well behaved. Dealing with family was easy¡ªso long as she retained the full agency of an adult somehow, and then also never had to be around them when they became bothersome. ¡°Hah,¡± Tabitha shook her head in dismay. ¡°Yeah. Guess that about sums it up, huh?¡±
¡°Hannah?¡± Tabitha gently knocked on the little girl¡¯s door. ¡°May I come in?¡± ¡°Come on in,¡± Officer Macintire answered. She hesitated at that, but even after waiting another few moments, Hannah herself didn¡¯t speak up. When Tabitha opened the door and peeked inside, she saw why¡ªpost-tantrum, Hannah was curled up at the far side of her bed, hiding her face against the wall. The girl¡¯s father sat on the edge of the bed and had a comforting hand on Hannah¡¯s side, and it was clear from the situation that Hannah was not speaking to anyone right now. ¡°Sandra just left to take my mother home,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Hannah, may I sit?¡± ¡°Hannah?¡± Officer Macintire prompted her with a slight shake. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s talking to you.¡± Hannah remained unresponsive. Hmm, Tabitha wanted to sigh in dismay. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t think of this as ¡®POST-TANTRUM¡¯. I think the lead up to an outburst is like the rising action towards a narrative climax, and then this surly display is the falling action. It¡¯s all part of the same tantrum, really. Tabitha didn¡¯t remember throwing tantrums herself¡ªor perhaps the way she had expressed frustration and anger had simply always been avoidance, like her mother said. Looking back through her life through that lens, maybe her descent into isolation and introversion had been her own kind of continuous tantrum against the world. From her recollection of child development, tantrums tapered off when children learned to reason and communicate¡ªwhich meant instead of meltdowns and outbursts, the child instead argued anything and everything. The article she¡¯d read that from had suggested with wry humor that that phase was no easier to deal with than tantrums¡ªand in some people seemed to stretch on for the whole rest of their lives. Arguing over everything as an adult is seen as juvenile, and then throwing actual tantrums as an adult suggests you have a mental illness, Tabitha thought. If avoidance was my own brand of tantrum, then what would be next in that line of development? Just this morning it felt like she had babbled out a semi-coherent tirade on Amanda in first period Personal Fitness. It was nothing like the ¡®robotic¡¯ elocution she had used with adults when she found herself incredibly stressed¡ªit felt like an emotional outburst. Tabitha talking like a robot was cringeworthy but could be characterized by an overabundance of control, while being provoked to go off on Amanda felt like a loss of control. Now she had to wonder if this was an embarrassing developmental milestone for herself, or if the difference in her response was just because she was facing another teenager rather than an adult. Because¡­ my mindset has certainly shifted in the past months, and I see teens as my fellow peers rather than adults. Tabitha crossed the pink and purple room that was overflowing with toys and joined Officer Macintire to sit on the bed with Hannah. I think I AM a teenager, now, Tabitha thought. But, I¡¯m a very strange one. Most teenagers had just been children, while for me my young years are very, VERY far away and a very distant memory. I¡¯m not an adult, but I remember THE FEEL of being one. When I look at my parents, or the Macintires, or my teachers, I SEE them as adults, but that isn¡¯t as much of a mystery to me as it would be normally. I¡¯ve peeked behind that curtain, I understand being an adult now, even if I can¡¯t call myself one again for a while. ¡°I¡¯ll let you girls be,¡± Officer Macintire gave Tabitha a small smile. ¡°Hannah? I know you¡¯re upset, but it is still late, and you need to be good for Tabitha. Remember you still haven¡¯t brushed your teeth, yet¡ªmake sure you¡¯re responsible and take care of everything before you go to bed. Okay?¡± Hannah reacted only by hunching in even closer against the wall, and Officer Macintire gave Tabitha an exasperated look as he bounced up off the bed. He faltered again, just as he had back in the employee break area back at Food Lion¡ªrising up from a sitting position to his feet he was struggling to slowly unbend himself, and Tabitha hurried to lend him a hand. She had to wonder what was causing that¡ªthe wound he was recovering from seemed to prevent him from having full range of motion, sometimes. ¡°I¡¯m alright, I¡¯m alright¡ª¡± Officer Macintire grumbled in annoyance. ¡°Just gettin¡¯ old. Hah.¡± The man waved off her hand and then hobbled out of the room¡ªTabitha thought the ungainly walk was exaggerated from the quirk of his smile, but found the whole situation there troubling all the same. Being left alone with Hannah was also awkward, because Tabitha was responsible for the little girl¡¯s tantrum in the first place. But, what could she even do about that? The problem came about because Hannah was obviously growing too attached to her, but Tabitha also adored Hannah in turn¡ªshe had no earthly idea how she would have gone about setting boundaries between them. ¡°Oh, Hannah,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I know why you¡¯re upset. I¡¯m upset, too¡ªjust, when I¡¯m upset I bury it all deep down inside; I repress everything. But, that isn¡¯t something that¡¯s good, either, and it¡¯s not something I¡¯d ever want you to do. I wish I knew how to fix everything. Your mother just told me how much you need me here, and it really made me realize how much I need you and the Macintires. How much healthier I¡¯ve been here. Finally free of enough of my problems to, well, to focus on starting to clear up other problems. It¡¯s given me time to process growing up, I¡¯ve been able to start dealing with the whole school thing.¡± ¡°Then stay,¡± Hannah finally spoke. ¡°I am, I¡¯m here,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°But, also¡ªHannah I can¡¯t stay here forever. I can¡¯t just ignore my parents, repress all of my problems with them. I¡¯d just started turning my mother¡¯s life around, somehow, and I think she¡¯s in a very very vulnerable place. It¡¯s strange for me to see her like that. When I grew up, she was the mean scary mom. I¡ªwell. I think almost losing me really took that way from her. I mean when I was in the hospital, when I almost lost my life. Now, it¡¯s like she¡¯s losing me but in another way, because I¡¯m here instead of there with them.¡± Hannah seemed to stew in silence over that, but that was okay¡ªTabitha needed a good listener, right now. ¡°My dad¡­¡± Tabitha on reflex didn¡¯t even want to talk or think about him, and that was a problem she was beginning to recognize. ¡°He¡¯s not that bad. He called me and apologized¡ªI told him I needed time before I could forgive him. Only¡­ I guess I haven¡¯t even been trying at all. It¡¯s easier for me to just shove all of those feelings deep down and not deal with them; to repress them. But, if I always do that, then we¡¯ll never fix things between us, and that¡¯s no good, either.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± Hannah¡¯s face wasn¡¯t visible, but Tabitha could hear how hard Hannah was pouting in the tone of her voice. ¡°Because¡­¡± Tabitha¡¯s soft smile fell. ¡°We don¡¯t have all the time in the world. No, in fact¡ªwe¡¯re running out of time. He won¡¯t be around forever, and because of that, it¡¯s very important that I grow up and fix things between us. Make peace. Make things right. So that when he¡¯s gone¡­ I won¡¯t regret having wasted so much time we could have spent together.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± Hannah actually twisted away from the bedroom wall so that Tabitha could finally see her face. Hannah had been obviously been crying, but she wasn¡¯t crying anymore now. ¡°Is he¡­ sick?¡± ¡°He has a brain tumor,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Or¡ªor he will, soon, I think. It might not be quite big enough to show up on scans yet, as a real tumor. I¡¯m worried about the timing of when I can get him to go in for a scan. Too soon, and he¡¯ll see nothing worth worrying about and not go in again. Too late, and¡­ well.¡± ¡°They can fix that with surgery?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Like they did for you.¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°I don¡¯t know. Brain tumors are complicated, and complicated can mean expensive. On our income, he might not even want to¡­ well, he might not want to ¡®burden us¡¯ with getting the best care he can. It¡¯s something we¡¯ve fought about before, kind of, and¡ªI guess seeing my own impotence at getting through that thick skull of his has me so frustrated that I just start repressing everything all over again. He¡¯s just so stubborn. He¡¯s so stubborn that I¡ªI¡ªI don¡¯t know what to do, Hannah.¡± ¡°You can borrow money,¡± Hannah suggested. ¡°Some people can do that,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°My father isn¡¯t one of those people. He¡¯s not capable of asking for help, and to a certain extent he¡¯s not capable of accepting too much help, either. He¡¯ll leave it in God¡¯s hands, for his life to be as long as God decides¡ªwhich is, hah, which is so infuriating because he¡¯s not even that religious. Sorry.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Hannah said with a frown. ¡°Maybe that¡¯s part of how I fix this,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Maybe if I can get him going to church, and then get a pastor to tell him he needs to go in for all of the treatment he needs. Maybe I just need to¡ªI don¡¯t know. Apply pressure from a different direction? Instead of running into the same stoic stupid wall over and over again with no result, and feeling like I have to give up.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah agreed. ¡°You should do that.¡± ¡°I guess I will,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Thank you, Hannah Banana. Thank you for listening to me vent.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Sorry for¡ªfor earlier.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°I really do understand. I love it here with you guys. I love pretending you¡¯re my real family. Just, I also¡ª¡± ¡°We are your family,¡± Hannah insisted. ¡°Mom said so.¡± ¡°I know,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Just. I also can¡¯t ever forget about the family I¡¯ve left behind, and what my absence is doing to them. I¡¯m in a much better place then I was before, mentally. I can do more. I will do more¡ªI¡¯m going to fix everything.¡±
Tabitha ushered Hannah into the bathroom and they brushed their teeth together, and then she got Hannah changed into pajamas and tucked into bed. Most nights the routine was bath and a bit of TV time and then storybook reading together, but it was already late and both of the girls were in a quiet, somewhat despondent mood. Busywork chores that had filled Tabitha¡¯s schedule before were now a little neglected with her investing so much of her attention towards school, but Tabitha made her rounds tonight through a quiet house tidying things up here and there where she could. Her outfit for tomorrow was laid out and ready, and this time she would remember to bring her Gameboy so that she could play a bit of Pokemon with Alicia at lunch. Hannah¡¯s insulated lunchbox was wiped clean, and the empty ziplock bags and crumpled Capri-Sun juice pouch were tossed in the trash. The fabric lunchbox wouldn¡¯t need wiped clean of sticky residue every day if the juice pouch was thrown out at school when Hannah was done with it, but Tabitha honestly didn¡¯t mind that Hannah kept forgetting. It gave her something to do, cleaning out the lunchbox at night and preparing it again in the mornings made Tabitha feel useful; like she was earning her keep here. The more she focused on her time at high school and her silly progress towards maybe being popular someday, the less she felt like she actually deserved to be here with the Macintires. She wasn¡¯t putting her all into taking care of the house if she spent most of every day at school. ¡°Excuse me,¡± Tabitha cleared her throat, now knocking this time on Officer Macintire¡¯s door. ¡°Would it be alright if I used the phone to call my dad? I um, I haven¡¯t uh. I¡¯ve been putting off talking to him.¡± ¡°What?¡± Officer Macintire called back. ¡°Um, would it be alright if¡ª¡± ¡°Oh! Yeah, sure¡ªgo for it,¡± Officer Macintire called through the door. ¡°I wasn¡¯t usin¡¯ it¡ªwas just watchin¡¯ my show. Go on ahead.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Tabitha said. After striding back to the kitchen, she took a moment to balk and fidget and tidy up an appearance that no one would see before finally picking up the cordless phone and punching in the familiar number. Hearing the tone as it tried to connect filled her with anxiety, and then when someone finally answered it, it turned out to be her mother. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Hi mom, um,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°It¡¯s Tabitha. I uh, I was hoping to talk to dad.¡± ¡°He just finished that steak,¡± Mrs. Moore said. ¡°One second. Alan! It¡¯s Tabitha.¡± There was rustling as the phone on the other end was handed over. ¡°Tabitha?¡± Mr. Moore asked. ¡°It¡¯s great to hear from you¡ªthank you guys for dinner, that was somethin¡¯ else. Been a long time since I had a steak like that. Years!¡± ¡°Hey dad,¡± Tabitha said into the handset phone. ¡°You can um. You can fix a toilet, right?¡± ¡°Probably, yeah,¡± Mr. Moore answered. ¡°Sure. If you guys are havin¡¯ some problems I can take a look, see what I can do.¡± ¡°Well. No, the Macintires aren¡¯t,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Springton High is. In the girls¡¯ locker room¡ªwe have three toilets, but only one of them¡¯s working. One won¡¯t flush, the other I think she said has a broken bowl. And then also¡ªsome of the showers themselves aren¡¯t running, they¡¯re just like, capped off with PVC caps.¡± ¡°Ah,¡± Mr. Moore paused. ¡°Well, honestly can¡¯t help you, there. All the school grounds stuff has to be done by their own district maintenance people, that¡¯s totally outta my jurisdiction. You¡¯d have to kick word up the ladder to them about dealin¡¯ with all that.¡± ¡°What if, for whatever reason¡ªdistrict maintenance is incompetent, incapable, or for some reason recalcitrant to solve these issues?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°From what the coach said, these are issues that have been persistent for years. She has been trying to raise money independently to find someone to help fix things¡ªwhich is why. I don¡¯t know. I thought of you, I thought maybe you would know something.¡± ¡°Honey, I honestly don¡¯t think I¡¯m even allowed to take a look,¡± Mr. Moore admitted. ¡°If somethin¡¯ were to go wrong, liability¡ª¡± ¡°Then,¡± Tabitha cut her father off. ¡°You could run me through the basics sometime, show me how to fix them? Then, I could I guess, sneak in and vandalize them back into working order. Without permission. Right? Hypothetically speaking.¡± ¡°Haaaahh,¡± Mr. Moore blew out a long breath. ¡°Well. For gettin¡¯ one to flush again, maybe? Sure. That ain¡¯t too hard to figure out, most times. Could have a go with a toilet tank kit and probably get it working. Cracked bowl, though? Nothin¡¯ you can do there, you¡¯d have to swap in a whole new toilet. Two hundred, maybe three hundred bucks, right there.¡± ¡°Okay, so we can maybe get one toilet fixed,¡± Tabitha adjusted her expectations. ¡°Having two out of three toilets would still be a huge improvement over just having one working one. What about shower heads? Would I need to¡ªwhat? Get the water shut off, remove the PVC caps and install shower head fixtures?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure without takin¡¯ a look at what¡¯s goin¡¯ on there,¡± Mr. Moore admitted. ¡°Depends on where the problem was, and what went wrong.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°How about¡ªwe don¡¯t have hot water. At the locker rooms, it¡¯s only lukewarm. Is there anything we can do about that?¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Mr. Moore paused and considered it. ¡°Is there vents on up through there? Like for, uh, well for heat, for air, all that.¡± ¡°Um?¡± Tabitha thought about it. ¡°No, no air or heat or anything. Coach Baylor¡¯s classroom is back in there, and she has to have a little electric space heater.¡± ¡°Ah,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°Your locker rooms, are they in the main, central school building? Or thereabouts?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°They¡¯re both kind of tucked in under the grandstands. The ones by track and field, the area with all the bleachers.¡± ¡°Then, my best guess¡ªand this is just me spitballin,¡¯¡± Mr. Moore warned. ¡°You¡¯re probably way off and removed from the central school buildings where all their HVAC is run through. Your school¡¯d have a whole boiler room for all that, but maybe they don¡¯t pipe that all the way out to the grandstands. Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn¡¯t? Mighta just did the easier thing an¡¯ just set up a little electric hot water heater tank up in there. If they did, s¡¯not gonna make a huge difference, not goin¡¯ out to two sets of showers and sinks and all that for two locker rooms.¡± ¡°Well, no sinks,¡± Tabitha explained with a frown. ¡°...Maybe some sinks? There¡¯s restrooms in the same building, actually. I have no idea yet if their sinks have actual hot water. I¡¯ll check.¡± ¡°If it¡¯s just fixin¡¯ a couple toilets an¡¯ showerheads, just a call into whoever¡¯s doin¡¯ the maintenance there will take care of it,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°All of that but swappin¡¯ out the commode with the broken bowl¡¯d be pretty cheap and easy fixes, I imagine. Like I said, whole new toilet¡¯d run a couple hundred bucks.¡± ¡°For whatever reason, these are longstanding problems,¡± Tabitha said, giving him a shrug he wouldn¡¯t be able to see. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m just trying to understand what¡¯s going on. You said a ¡®toilet tank kit,¡¯ how much do those cost?¡± As someone from the future she¡¯d bought them before and had a rough idea of how much they cost, but then also¡ªthis wasn¡¯t entirely about fixing a toilet, it was about finding a means to reconnect with her father over something. Also¡­ she remembered fiddling with the tank kit for a half hour and then giving up and calling a plumber to deal with it after not figuring things out. ¡°If you know what way it¡¯s broken back in there, you can buy just the parts you need to replace and it¡¯ll probably be just a buck or two,¡± Mr. Moore explained. ¡°Super cheap, yeah. A whole kit is most all the parts that go back there in the tank. I dunno, fifteen, twenty bucks? If you ask around, someone might have a kit they bought and used some parts from, that¡¯s still just tucked away under a sink somewhere with all the rest of the parts you need for your tank.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll, um, I¡¯ll look into it further,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°And, showerheads would be cheap? From what I saw, something went wrong, and two of the heads are just stopped up with PVC caps.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t rightly say, to be honest,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°I¡¯d have to know what happened. Mayhap somethin¡¯ somewhere was leaking or losin¡¯ pressure and made a mess of things¡ªI dunno. It doesn¡¯t sound like anything your district maintenance would have too much trouble sorting out.¡± ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll learn more and get back to you,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°And, um. I¡¯m sorry for. For everything, for well. Avoiding you. I told you I needed time to uh, to process everything, and instead I¡ªI guess I¡¯ve been trying to ignore everything, to not deal with it. When I do need to actually work on processing everything, and talk things through with you, and yeah. So. Sorry. Sorry for avoiding you.¡± ¡°Nothing you ever gotta worry about,¡± Mr. Moore assured her. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t blame you if you did avoid me¡ªnot after the whole thing with Lisa. I should have listened to you in the first place, should have trusted you knew what was what. You¡¯re way smarter¡¯n me, I know that by now. I guess¡ªI guess I just want to think of it like you¡¯re my little girl, even when you¡¯re just ¡®bout already all grown up already.¡± ¡°I am grown up already,¡± Tabitha took a deep breath. ¡°But, also in some ways I never grew up. I¡¯ve been acting childish. I uh, I didn¡¯t handle Lisa or talk things through with you in a mature way like I should have. I lost my temper.¡± ¡°No, hon, you were in the right,¡± Mr. Moore said. ¡°You knew she was into heroin¡ªif I¡¯d been able to stop and see that, I would¡¯ve lost my cool, too. You were in the right. I love you, honey¡ªand I¡¯m so proud of you.¡± ¡°I love you too,¡± Tabitha said, feeling a surge of relief for reasons she couldn¡¯t even pinpoint right now. ¡°I¡¯ll uh. I¡¯ll talk to you again soon. Maybe start spending weekends over there again, we¡¯ll figure something out. Love you. Bye.¡±
Tabitha woke up still tired. Her eyes felt sore as they stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom, and for a long time she didn¡¯t have the energy to actually get up. Faint morning light seeping out insidiously from behind the curtain told her in rough terms what time it was, as much as she didn¡¯t want to believe it. She didn¡¯t even recall having any difficulty falling asleep last night¡ªit felt wrong and unfair that she had been diligent and put in all of the hours to sleep, yet somehow her body had not done its job and rested. It was inordinately difficult to get herself moving for the day. When she did rise it was with great reluctance, and with a stone-faced look of irritation Tabitha left behind the comfort and warmth of the covers and ambled down the hallway on heavy legs. The bathroom light was bright enough to turn her look of irritation into a squinty-eyed scowl, and then after sitting down there and doing her business she found it difficult to get back up. Normally by now her mind would be awash with thoughts about this and that, she would be thinking about her day or sinking into introspection¡ªthis was not one of those days. This was the kind of day where she stared at a random spot on the floor without thinking as seconds stretched on into minutes. By the time she got over to the mirror she saw a teenage girl angrily brushing her teeth there, and Tabitha glared at that reflection as she worked the toothbrush back and forth. She wasn¡¯t really even upset at anything in particular. She just didn¡¯t feel like doing this today, with ¡®this¡¯ being a broad, sweeping generalization referring to anything and everything. Tabitha wasn¡¯t looking forward to anything at school, nor did she even want to try to go back to bed. It feels like that ship has sailed. Her Gameboy Color was retrieved from the stand beside her bed and placed into her bookbag. While she was there, she pulled out yesterday¡¯s homework and scanned through it with listless eyes, not even sure what she was looking for¡ªthe worksheet was filled out, but she didn¡¯t have the processing power right now to recheck the answers she had penciled in. Then, she zipped everything back up and walked out to the kitchen without even getting dressed. Normally Tabitha would have been a little spooked venturing out into the common areas of the house while still in her undies, but today she didn¡¯t even care. She told herself that it was because she felt more at home and comfortable here, but that felt like a lie. Hannah¡¯s lunchbox was wiped out and filled with the usual suspects, and then propped open in the fridge. The cut-off crusts from the sandwich were put on a napkin for Tabitha to eat for breakfast maybe, whenever her appetite materialized. She wasn¡¯t feeling anything that took more effort than that, not even dropping something in the toaster. Tabitha returned to the bathroom and forced herself to pay enough attention for minimal makeup¡ªtoday, that meant again dabbing cold color correction just beneath her eyes. Her orangish-red hair was flat and a little mussed, so she took a brush to it. Today felt less like a style her hair day and more like a let¡¯s just wear a hat day, and likewise it didn¡¯t seem like carefully picking an outfit that would be hidden under a hoodie or jacket all day was going to impress anyone. So, today she opted for the outfit that was next in line, the prom dress to faux vest one that she had donned months ago back when she had brought Elena to play tag with her cousins. It didn¡¯t seem like it would matter what she wore. Nothing at all in the world mattered. Dark and dramatic teenage ennui had manifested by virtue of she was real fucking tired and Tabitha saw no reason to care about anything, anymore. She put on her shoes with annoyed, lethargic motions and climbed into the borrowed hoodie, and then slipped her bag over one shoulder. Tabitha couldn¡¯t be bothered with the big coat today, she didn¡¯t want to deal with lugging it around. Her hat, a beanie she discovered in the ¡®birthday bucket¡¯ from her mother, would maybe contribute enough warmth to make up the difference. Tabitha¡¯s last glance around before leaving reminded her that she¡¯d left bread crusts on the kitchen counter, and she made a face at them but eventually folded the napkin over and just put it into her pocket. She couldn¡¯t throw them away¡ªgrowing up as a poor trailer park kid ingrained a deep sense of duty within her. Wasting food was one of the cardinal sins. Putting the bread crust cutoffs in the fridge for later felt like it would invite questions or comments or conversation about it from the Macintires she didn¡¯t want to put up with. Maybe she would snack on the crusts a bit later when she was hungry. It seemed more likely she would smuggle them out of the house and disregard them into the trash somewhere, which felt like a serious crime. No one would care, Tabitha told herself with a scowl as she finally stormed out the door. Nothing TO care about. Just me being my stupid self, thinking stupid things in my stupid mind that doesn¡¯t even matter.
What the fuck, Tabitha glared hatefully out at the quiet suburban streets surrounding the bus stop. It¡¯s fucking freezing. She¡¯d left the house earlier than usual, because back there she¡¯d been filled with the let¡¯s just get on with it sentiment and wanted to just hurry up and leave. The bulky hunting jacket had been left behind because she was an idiot who didn¡¯t think things through, and now she was hugging both arms tightly about herself¡ªwhich was still awkward because of the cast, which was also cold, she could feel it¡ªbecause the air outside was frigid. Tabitha felt too stubborn to go back for the coat, though. After all, she was already here and had been standing for a while. For all she knew the bus might come by the stop while she was returning back to the house for a jacket. So, instead she grit her teeth and shivered in misery, taking grim satisfaction at least in having something substantial to be pissy about. The other kids arrived late, bundled up in their winter clothing, but no one commented on Tabitha being underdressed. They probably didn¡¯t notice or didn¡¯t care¡ªno one at this bus stop was particularly close, and they milled about at the corner there as strangers like always. The bus arrived, and Tabitha hurried to be the first to board. It was warm inside, but Tabitha was too preoccupied with presenting a grouchy appearance to enjoy it. Today she needed everyone to understand that she wasn¡¯t feeling friendly or talkative, and that they should leave her alone. Gary seemed to intuit this on his own and let her off the hook on greetings or formalities today, simply giving her a solemn nod. She nodded back as she tromped down the aisle, then she dropped into a seat and huddled up against the window, which was also cold. Because of course it was. Arms crossed, Tabitha glared out the window as the bus rolled on, but she wasn¡¯t watching the scenery passing by and she wasn¡¯t really thinking about anything in particular, either. She was just staring, feeling irritated at everything and not even caring enough to determine why.
¡°Tabitha. Where¡¯s your jacket?¡± Alicia growled, storming over to where Tabitha was hunched up at their usual outside table in the quad. ¡°It¡¯s thirty-something degrees, you¡¯re freezing.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t bring it,¡± Tabitha hunched her shoulders up in a cranky shrug. ¡°Wear my jacket,¡± Alicia said, dropping her backpack onto the table and starting to unzip her outerwear. ¡°No¡ª¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Then you¡¯ll be cold.¡± ¡°I¡¯m already warm from wearing it,¡± Alicia said. ¡°I¡¯m all toasty. What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Seriously, stop. I don¡¯t want your jacket.¡± ¡°Well, I don¡¯t want you to be cold,¡± Alicia huffed. ¡°You okay?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha all but pouted. ¡°Just having a crappy morning. Didn¡¯t sleep well.¡± ¡°Put this on,¡± Alicia insisted, whirling her jacket out and dropping it down onto Tabitha¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Here.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want your jacket,¡± Tabitha repeated. ¡°See? Now you¡¯re cold.¡± ¡°I am cold, now,¡± Alicia swore. ¡°The hell. Why didn¡¯t you bring your jacket?¡± ¡°I just didn¡¯t,¡± Tabitha didn¡¯t know what else to say. ¡°I have a hoodie.¡± ¡°Okay. Whatever, shut up,¡± Alicia shook her head in dismay, dropping onto the seat next to her and huddling up against her for warmth. ¡°Just, shut up.¡± ¡°Take your jacket back.¡± ¡°No. Shut up.¡± ¡°Take it¡ª¡± ¡°Shut up. I am so serious.¡± Alicia¡¯s jacket was warm, but wearing it only made Tabitha feel guilty. Today she was being childish and petulant, and there was a distant sense of dread in realizing she was sure to fail each and every little social hurdle and interpersonal obstacle today throughout her classes and then have to deal with the aftermath of that later on. The two sat in stiff silence, waiting for Elena to show up, but for whatever reason their third amigo was delayed today and failed to appear. ¡°Bobby. Thank God,¡± Alicia rose up from the table the moment she instead spotted Bobby. ¡°Give Tabitha your coat. I¡¯m taking mine back. She¡¯s in a mood, don¡¯t ask.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t say I was in a mood,¡± Tabitha grumbled. ¡°Yeah, well,¡± Alicia shrugged. ¡°Oh¡ªkay?¡± Bobby looked from one girl to the other. ¡°Yeah, here.¡± Alicia reclaimed her jacket that had been draped about Tabitha¡¯s shoulders, and watched with a stern eye as Bobby quickly shucked off his coat and then helped Tabitha into it. It was a sporty winter one that she imagined a late nineties kid might wear snowboarding or such¡ªshe remembered him wearing it back during her birthday party, because they had shared a hug. It felt strange that that memory stood out, because surely Bobby had worn this same jacket to school the past several days, but that was just the way Tabitha¡¯s mind was working this morning. ¡°There we are, good to go,¡± Bobby rubbed his hands along his bare arms as he stepped back. ¡°WheeeEWW, y-you know¡ªit¡¯s not even that cold out? It¡¯s j-just a uh, it¡¯s just a bit brisk. That¡¯s all. Holy shitballs.¡±The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. ¡°Ugh,¡± Alicia grunted, rolling her eyes. Unlike Tabitha who had at least been wearing a hoodie¡ªBobby just had a t-shirt on beneath his coat, and his attempt at bravado fell flat when he immediately curled in on himself against the biting cold and began to shiver. Alicia stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug, and the two stood there in front of Tabitha, looking towards her as if for an explanation. ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Tabitha had the good decency now to blush. ¡°Sorry. I just. I didn¡¯t get any sleep, having a rough day. Didn¡¯t grab my coat. By the time I really realized how cold it was, I didn¡¯t want to try to go back for it.¡± It was mortifying watching a minor mistake from this morning snowball into a big ordeal here with her friends, and Tabitha didn¡¯t even feel like she could face them right now. She didn¡¯t want to deal with anything today, and so naturally it would be her own negligence¡ªhubris¡ªwhatever, she couldn¡¯t even decide on the right words¡ªthat ensured today she would have to put up with a whole bunch of headache. Due to her own carelessness. ¡°Bobby, where¡¯s your jacket,¡± Elena finally arrived. ¡°Are you fucking stupid?¡± ¡°I¡ªI uhhhh,¡± Bobby laughed. ¡°I forgot it?¡± ¡°You¡ªoh,¡± Elena seemed to realize the situation as she stepped closer and looked over each of them. ¡°Okay. I take it back, kind of cool of you, Bobby. Tabitha?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t bring my jacket,¡± Tabitha admitted with sullen defeat. ¡°Think aunt Flo is visiting,¡± Alicia mouthed in a too-loud whisper, putting a grin on for Bobby. ¡°Oh?¡± Bobby blinked in surprise. ¡°Ohhh.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not on my period,¡± Tabitha huffed. ¡°I didn¡¯t get good sleep. That¡¯s all. Not having a good day. That¡¯s it. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Elena shrugged. ¡°But, yeah¡ªBobby¡¯s turning blue, so maybe we should all just head inside?¡± ¡°Hey¡ªno worries!¡± Bobby¡¯s teeth chattered¡ªTabitha suspected he was doing it on purpose, playing up the cold for laughs. ¡°Hakuna Matata, it means no worries! My next period¡¯s outside anyways, we got Personal Fitness. I¡¯ll run it off. This ain¡¯t nothin¡¯, my bedroom¡¯s colder¡¯n this at night. Keep my fan goin¡¯ no matter what. No biggie. Well, I mean it¡¯s kind of a big deal, most other guys wouldn¡¯t even be able to handle it? They¡¯re not me, though.¡± ¡°Tabs,¡± Alicia teased, patting Bobby¡¯s back. ¡°Bobby¡¯s all cold over here¡ªyou take this side, yeah?¡± ¡°I¡¯m so cold,¡± Bobby pleaded, doing an immediate one-eighty on his stoicism from moments ago. ¡°So cold¡ª!¡± ¡°Thank you for the jacket, Bobby,¡± Tabitha said grudgingly. She rose up out of her seat and joined Alicia in hugging Bobby, so that the pathetic shivering he was exaggerating was sandwiched between two girls wearing coats. Alicia gave Tabitha a rather judging look over Bobby¡¯s back that slowly turned into an exasperated smile, and Elena slipped into the spot at the table Tabitha had just vacated. ¡°Th-this is, th-this is so much better,¡± Bobby continued to shake and tremble. ¡°You know what? This is the best day of my life. We should just do this every day?¡± ¡°So,¡± Elena cleared her throat. ¡°Tabitha? What¡¯s going on? Spill.¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± Tabitha grumbled. ¡°I¡­¡± All of a sudden her denial felt like a lie, and Tabitha seriously worried that she was just acting out because she had wanted attention. That wasn¡¯t normally the way she thought of herself, she didn¡¯t like it, and embarrassment and shame throbbed through her as she tried to focus on why this morning everything felt so off. If only to have something to excuse her situation. ¡°Tabs?¡± Alicia prodded. ¡°C¡¯mon, for real.¡± ¡°I just¡­ didn¡¯t sleep, I guess,¡± Tabitha stared down at the Bobby¡¯s shoulder, unable to even enjoy the big hug they were all sharing. ¡°Honestly¡­ my life is okay, right now. I mean, I¡¯m dealing with stuff, but it¡¯s just¡ªit¡¯s just the same stuff I¡¯ve been dealing with, the same stuff I always deal with. I¡¯m okay. I just woke up wrong, or on the wrong side of the bed, and¡ªyeah. Thinking back¡­ I must have had hundreds of mornings like this. Maybe thousands. Days where it¡¯s hard to get up, days where I¡¯m just feeling kind of down. Where you¡¯re not exactly thrilled to go in for work, or school, or¡ªwhatever, but yeah you have to do it anyways. ¡°Sometimes, I feel like maybe I¡¯ve had more of those kind of days than ¡®normal¡¯ ones. Just, looking back on it all, those are the days you won¡¯t remember. There¡¯s nothing to remember. Sometimes you¡¯re just¡­ on autopilot. Going through the motions. Because you have to. Some days are just like this?¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªI completely know what you mean,¡± Bobby said. ¡°¡®Cause, yeah. Some days just drag. Really drag.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Sorry, guys. Didn¡¯t mean to, uh.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t mean to have all of us thinking this must be a cry for help?¡± Elena scoffed. ¡°Didn¡¯t mean to forget your coat, when it¡¯s thirty degrees out? Literally freezing?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha gave her a helpless shrug. ¡°Sorry. It¡¯s¡ªand it¡¯s only mid-thirties. It¡¯ll be mid-forties by this afternoon!¡± ¡°Yeah, in Canada they¡¯d be wearing flip-flops and shorts in this weather!¡± Alicia remarked. ¡°Be time for them to break out the bikinis. Hell, there¡¯s a guy in my one class who¡¯s still wearing shorts. There¡¯s always that one guy.¡± ¡°We¡¯ve been running the past couple days in this,¡± Bobby shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s, uh. It¡¯s only super freezing right when you start, then you kinda warm yourself up as you go? S¡¯like doing polar bear. Jumpin¡¯ in a pool in winter, you know.¡± ¡°Tabitha¡ªare you going to be running early in the morning?¡± Elena asked. ¡°I wanted us to run together. Especially if you¡¯re still serious about trying for cheer with me.¡± ¡°Yeah. I mean¡ªI¡¯d like to, at least,¡± Tabitha gave them her most eloquent shrug. ¡°We can run together. Will just have to figure out how far away from each other we live, now?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Elena said. Tabitha didn¡¯t remember to tell Alicia that she¡¯d brought her Game Boy today until after the bell for class resounded throughout the intercom and the friends dispersed. As she walked with Bobby towards the football field, she told herself she would definitely remember it for lunch, and again cursed herself for being so out of sorts today. Too many things here at high school could go wrong if she wasn¡¯t paying enough attention, and Tabitha took the time now to sober herself up and put her game face on for first period. First of all¡­ Tabitha unzipped Bobby¡¯s borrowed sports jacket and slipped out of it. ¡°Bobby¡ªhere.¡± ¡°Naw, you wear it,¡± Bobby tried to refuse. ¡°Bobby¡­ I can¡¯t,¡± Tabitha gave him an apologetic look. ¡°Thank you, really. But, I can¡¯t.¡± EVERYONE will talk if I¡¯m wearing his jacket to class. It¡¯s one thing just messing around in the quad, because Alicia offered me hers too, for a bit. Actually wearing Bobby¡¯s stuff throughout the day though would have IMPLICATIONS. I maybe like Bobby, and he seems interested, too, but. No, not ready for THAT level of attention and gossip, right now. Not today. ¡°Alright,¡± Bobby said with an exasperated sigh. ¡°Sorry,¡± Tabitha genuinely felt guilty. He was either difficult for her to read, or she just wasn¡¯t on the top of her game this morning, because she couldn¡¯t tell if he really understood what her wearing his jacket might imply. Or, perhaps he did understand, and was reluctant to take the jacket back because her passing it back was like shooting him down¡ªor, then on the other hand maybe he was just totally indifferent to worrying about what everyone might think. Possibly, Bobby wasn¡¯t concerned with any of these social minutia and was just hurt that his gesture of goodwill was being rejected. Tabitha cast several discreet glances his way as he put his jacket back on, but she couldn¡¯t get a grasp on his attitude about it. Damnit. I¡¯m all like, OKAY, GAME FACE TIME, PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING¡ªand then I immediately just start overthinking EVERY LITTLE THING. Just¡­ just be cool, Tabitha. Don¡¯t overthink it. Also don¡¯t just go through today without paying attention to things. Just moderately think it. Pay a reasonable amount of attention to things. Like yesterday, Coach Baylor was scanning through a roll call sheet on a clipboard and marking students off when they arrived, and then immediately sending them out to jog around the track. Something was off, however, because the moment Coach Baylor looked up and saw Tabitha arriving, a look of unguarded irritation flashed across the woman¡¯s features. Are we¡­ late? Tabitha wondered, her step almost faltering. No, we shouldn¡¯t be. There¡¯s a whole bunch of other kids just getting here. What did I¡ª ¡°Tabitha Moore,¡± Coach Baylor called over¡ªskipping over Bobby. ¡°Where¡¯s your jacket? You were wearing one yesterday.¡± ¡°Oh, I¡ªuhh,¡± Tabitha flushed again. ¡°I forgot it.¡± ¡°You forgot it?¡± Coach Baylor stared at her, and she seemed angry. ¡°Where did you forget it?¡± ¡°Um, I guess just¡­¡± Tabitha floundered at the unexpected hostility. ¡°At home?¡± ¡°You forgot it at home,¡± Coach Baylor said. ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha admitted, incredibly embarrassed. The situation seemed strange, and the unexpected spotlight on her drew a look from one of the other girls who was just getting here. Coach Baylor searched Tabitha¡¯s expression as though she was about to give her stern words or reprimand her¡ªbut eventually just pursed her lips and looked off into the distance. She looked angry, and Tabitha had no idea that forgetting her coat this morning would evoke this much of a response. ¡°Bobby Anderson,¡± Coach Baylor eventually acknowledged his arrival. ¡°Set your things there, go run. Tabitha Moore¡ªpresent today. Wait right there. Mackenzie Brown¡ªhere, take my keys. I¡¯d like you to go unlock the classroom for Tabitha, then head back here. Thank you. Tabitha? Head on over and sit inside. I¡¯ll be with you in a moment.¡± ¡°Um. Okay?¡± The other girl just arriving¡ªMackenzie, apparently¡ªaccepted the lanyard of keys from Coach Baylor, and then looked towards Tabitha. ¡°Am I¡­ in trouble?¡± Tabitha blurted out. ¡°Not exactly,¡± Coach Baylor frowned. ¡°Head on inside and wait for me there. I¡¯ll be with you in a moment.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Tabitha said. Then, she turned and walked with Mackenzie over to the double doors leading beneath the stadium seating. As Tabitha cast a last guilty glance back, Bobby was dragging his feet setting down his backpack and coat, lingering about and obviously curious as to what was going on¡ªbut, the last thing Tabitha saw there was Coach Baylor shooing him on with a gesture of her clipboard. Grace and Tiffany were also just showing up as Tabitha was leaving and they noticed her, but were too far away to say anything. Tabitha followed Mackenzie through the double doors, feeling like this whole day had started on the wrong foot¡­ and each step afterwards had carried it further in that wrong direction. ¡°What did you do?¡± Mackenzie asked in an incredulous whisper. ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Tabitha gave the girl a stiff laugh. ¡°I, uh. I just forgot my jacket.¡± ¡°Is it like a rule that we have to bundle up?¡± Mackenzie asked. ¡°Not everyone had a coat yesterday.¡± ¡°I dunno,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Not that I¡¯d heard of? Just. Maybe, since I¡¯m not allowed to run, yet. Doctor¡¯s note; no physical activity. Then, I guess she doesn¡¯t want me sitting outside in the cold if I don¡¯t have a jacket? I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°I guess?¡± Mackenzie shrugged. Tabitha didn¡¯t remember Mackenzie as one of the possibly antagonistic girls that stood around with Amanda, but Mackenzie also hadn¡¯t warmed up to the little clique of Vanessa, Tabitha, Marisa, Grace, and Tiffany. She was just one of the other girls in class whose face Tabitha recognized, but hadn¡¯t started to put a name to just yet. She had dark hair in a ponytail and didn¡¯t seem friendly or unfriendly¡ªMackenzie figured out which key opened the classroom on the second try, and then swung the door open for Tabitha. ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°No problem.¡± Then Mackenzie headed back, leaving Tabitha to turn on the lights and wander down the row of empty desks to grab a seat near the heater. The space heater had been turned on already but hadn¡¯t been running for very long, and the cinderblock room felt especially cold and eerie now that she was in here alone. Tabitha wasn¡¯t really sure what to think, and after sitting and looking around the furnishings of the classroom for a few minutes she finally noticed. Her Coca Cola Polar Bear towel was neatly folded on Coach Baylor¡¯s desk.
It was a long, tense twenty minutes before Coach Baylor arrived alone, closing the door behind her and striding across the classroom with a look of annoyance. Tabitha found herself anxious and flustered, and despite trying to reason with herself and run through all the possibilities in her head, it seemed like a sure bet that for some reason or another she was being removed from the course. While it was only the third day of the new semester and she¡¯d barely dipped a single toe into this class or its coursework, Tabitha still felt a little devastated. She¡¯d made friends here, she was part of a little impromptu posse of girls, and she would feel very aggrieved to have to leave them behind for any reason. ¡°Okay,¡± Coach Baylor paced over to her desk and put a hand on the folded towel for emphasis. ¡°You forgot your jacket. At home?¡± ¡°Y-yes,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°I just¡­ I wasn¡¯t really thinking this morning. I guess. I, uh, I felt like I maybe wouldn¡¯t really need it, or¡­ I didn¡¯t want to deal with hauling it around or having it be a hassle?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± Coach Baylor searched Tabitha¡¯s expression for a long moment before continuing. So¡­? Tabitha felt bewildered. ¡°Yesterday, during fifth period, a girl took your towel from the line in the girl¡¯s locker room, and put it into her bag,¡± Coach Baylor revealed. ¡°Another student informed me, and I was able to track this girl down, pull her out of sixth period, and immediately get the towel back. She claimed that this was her friend¡¯s towel, and that this friend asked her to grab it for her. Did you ask anyone to remove this towel here on your behalf yesterday?¡± For several excruciating seconds, Tabitha was too stunned to even answer. ¡°No,¡± Tabitha said, feeling a cold, sinking feeling deaden itself in the pit of her stomach. ¡°No. I didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°I suspected as much,¡± Coach Baylor tapped the cloth for emphasis and slid it towards Tabitha. ¡°Just in case anything was done to it, I took it home and laundered it. It¡¯s clean. I¡¯m going to suggest you keep it in your locker for the time being, while I sort things out. I have not had a chance yet to track down this other girl who supposedly said it was hers, but I will be doing that in the next few hours. The girl who took the towel will be written up, and I¡¯ll be speaking with the administrators about it. Again¡ªyou did not ask anyone to take your towel for you?¡± ¡°I did not,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Okay,¡± Coach Baylor grit her teeth in anger. ¡°And. You forgot your jacket somewhere, or you ¡®forgot¡¯ your jacket somewhere?¡± ¡°I¡­ uh,¡± Tabitha flushed as she connected the dots. ¡°I think it really is just. I think I forgot it at home.¡± Again Coach Baylor stared, clearly not believing her. ¡°I should be able to bring it in tomorrow,¡± Tabitha promised. ¡°I swear.¡± ¡°Alright,¡± Coach Baylor shook her head. ¡°This should not have happened, and I apologize. Certainly not after those incidents last semester. We¡¯re very fortunate that this time someone was able to inform me right away. If anything at all happens¡ªan-y-thing, I¡¯d like you to come to me right away. Please keep your eyes and ears open. If someone says something, if you hear word of who¡¯s done what¡ªwell. I¡¯ll probably hear it before you do, but I¡¯d like you to come to me anyways, and everything will be addressed and taken care of. Can you do that for me?¡± ¡°I will,¡± Tabitha nodded quickly. ¡°Varsity cheer was having additional tryouts so that we could pad out the size of our team a bit more,¡± Coach Baylor said, crossing her arms. ¡°However. Now, because of this.. we will actually have an open position.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°...Oh.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Coach Baylor visibly seethed. ¡°She¡¯s getting a write-up, I don¡¯t know if she¡¯ll see a suspension or not. I¡¯ll be taking that up with administration today. But, my girls will not have that kind of behavior and expect to remain on the team.¡± ¡°I, uh¡­ then should I even¡­?¡± Tabitha¡¯s head was spinning. If there¡¯s already cheerleaders¡ªNONE OF WHOM I EVEN KNOW¡ªTHAT against me, then how could I expect them to ever accept having Elena or I in cheer?! ¡°I¡¯ll be speaking with everyone about this, and we¡¯re going to reach an understanding,¡± Coach Baylor said. ¡°I do still want to encourage you to join cheer, so you can maybe believe how personally embarrassing and completely unacceptable this incident is to me¡ªany and all rumors going around about you are going to stop, period, and all of this petty bullying bullshit is going to have immediate consequences. Please excuse my language.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± Tabitha gave the woman a wincing smile. ¡°None of this was your fault. I¡¯m getting used to it.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± Coach Baylor said, turning and pacing again with a small hiss¡ªher first few steps were hobbling ones as she got her bad knee into motion again. ¡°Don¡¯t get used to it, because this is not okay, and this is not going to go on. Not with my girls, and not in any of my classes. In fact¡ªhere. For today. You¡¯re cold.¡± Coach Baylor opened one of cardboard boxes clustered off to the side of the teacher¡¯s desk and pulled out a gray cheer jacket¡ªa zip-up sweatshirt with SHS emblazoned in block letters across the breast and SPRINGTON SPIRIT in large blue print on the back, as well as running down both sleeves. The woman dropped that one back into the box and rifled through the folded cheer jackets there for a moment as she eyeballed Tabitha for the appropriate size. ¡°Oh, no¡ªno, that¡¯s okay, really,¡± Tabitha protested. ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t even know how much those are. I only had enough money on me to cover my locker. And, aren¡¯t those just for cheerleaders?¡± ¡°We¡¯ll worry about that some other time,¡± Coach Baylor said, pulling another one out and shaking it loose. ¡°Please, I insist. You look like a Medium, but a Large might be more comfy?¡±
As the school day rolled on, Tabitha found herself stewing in feelings of aggravation. The other Personal Fitness kids came in after running and her friends in this class clustered around her and they all talked¡ªbut Tabitha¡¯s mind wasn¡¯t really there, and she wouldn¡¯t have been able to recall any of the topics they were passing back and forth throughout the conversation. She was given a worksheet to fill out that seemed to be for assessing their general fitness knowledge, but she wasn¡¯t able to focus on the questions. She filled the first answer in and then just kind of stared at the page, occasionally chatting back and forth about nothing with Tiffany and Vanessa. No one brought up the new Springton Spirit sweatshirt she was wearing, though Vanessa did at one point raise eyebrows and give her a knowing look. Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure what the girl thought she knew. She wasn¡¯t sure about a lot of things, today. Throughout the next two classes her cheerleader jacket drew unusual stares and she suspected people were talking about it, but Tabitha was too exhausted to care, right now. She took solace in assigned reading from the textbook in one classroom, and then stared in a daze with the rest of the students as the teacher lectured and scribbled incomprehensible words on the dry erase board for the next. Before she knew it, the bell for lunchtime was sounding, and Tabitha trudged upon listless feet through the busy hallways out to the quad where she always met up with Elena and Alicia. Finally remembered to bring in the Gameboy, and honestly? Tabitha let out a silent laugh. I kind of just want to lay my head down on the table and nap through all of lunch. I¡¯m REALLY not feeling today. Because she was moving slowly this afternoon, both of her friends were already waiting for her at their usual table¡ªthough there was no Bobby today¡ªand both Elena and Alicia were evaluating her new look with interest as Tabitha slipped into her seat. Before she could explain herself, however, their table was approached by two unfamiliar blonde girls. Two unfamiliar blonde girls that were wearing the exact same Springton cheer jackets that Tabitha had on. ¡°Hey¡ªso we meant to come over here and apologize,¡± The tall one said. ¡°I guess there was some sort of a mix up, and she accidentally took your towel, instead of mine??¡± ¡°You what?¡± Alicia blurted out in disbelief. ¡°You stole her towel?!¡± ¡°No, there was a mix-up,¡± The shorter cheerleader waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. ¡°Coach Baylor said she already sorted it out. Right?¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Tabitha held their gaze for a long, uncomfortable beat. ¡°Well, I would love to accept your apology.¡± The two cheerleaders¡¯ expressions soured further, and they exchanged can you BELIEVE the nerve of her glances with one another before turning back to Tabitha. ¡°But?¡± The taller one scowled. ¡°You say ¡®you would love to accept our apology,¡¯ meaning, but¡ª?¡± ¡°But, you haven¡¯t apologized yet,¡± Tabitha found she altogether didn¡¯t care about burning bridges right now. ¡°You only said you intended to come over and do that. You haven¡¯t actually done it.¡± The two girls looked confused for a moment, but after parsing her words, the confusion turned into irritation. ¡°Are you a psychopath?¡± The first girl asked, leveling an incredulous stare at Tabitha. ¡°No?¡± Tabitha almost wanted to laugh. ¡°At worst, you could say I¡¯m being petty?¡± She just felt so over it with today that she feared her attitude was turning giddy, unhinged. The feeling was wretched¡ªit was as though some civil, reasonable part of her had sloughed away, revealing that bitter, manic Tabitha just underneath. It was the same feeling she¡¯d experienced yesterday when ¡®going off¡¯ on Amanda. It was the same awful feeling of having well thought out, carefully constructed arguments to use when speaking with her father, but then discovering instead that an unbelievably angry immature part of herself was suddenly puppeting her movements on white-hot strings of rage to vomit out a rambling incoherent mess of a rant. ¡°I¡¯m the party that¡¯s been wronged though, so isn¡¯t it my privilege to be a little petty?¡± Tabitha continued before she could stop herself. ¡°You come over here, with crossed arms and annoyed looks and you corner me, and you offer words that superficially seem like an apology, but aren''t one¡ªso, I measured my response with the exact same kind of semantics?¡± ¡°Uh, news flash¡ªwhen we say we meant to come over and apologize, it basically means the same thing as apologizing??¡± ¡°Yeah, are you completely retarded?¡± ¡°Let me guess?¡± Tabitha stared them down. ¡°Apologizing to me must have been one of the conditions laid out for you. To avoid consequences. Coach Baylor is going to ask me later if you apologized to me. I¡¯ll tell her ¡®No, but they meant to, or at least, they said they meant to.¡¯ While they were scoffing and sneering at me with arms crossed, calling me retarded, calling me a psychopath¡ª¡± ¡°Okay, then?¡± The taller girl smirked. ¡°Here you go, then; yeah sorry?? There¡ªI hope you¡¯re happy?? I said it, and now you can¡¯t say that I didn¡¯t. Hah.¡± ¡°Yah, SOR-RY.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not an apology,¡± Elena butted in. ¡°When¡ª¡± ¡°Shut up, Wednesday Addams,¡± The tall girl retorted. ¡°Look at me, durr-hurr-hurr, I dress all dark and special, because I want attention! Shut the fuck up.¡± ¡°I just copy all of my bimbo friends, because I¡¯m so terrified of not fitting in!¡± Elena shot back. ¡°Look at me, I¡¯m yet another blonde sorority bimbo!¡± Okay, Elena¡­ that sounds like a line directly from Ziggy. Are we turning this into a goth or alternative versus preppy girl culture war thing, now? ¡°Uhh, it¡¯s called having taste?¡± The shorter one made a face. ¡°Maybe you should try it, someday? Jealous, much?¡± ¡°Yeah, there¡¯s this little thing called fashion?? Maybe you haven¡¯t heard of it??¡± The taller cheerleader¡ªTabitha hadn¡¯t even learned their names yet¡ªhad a rising lilt to the end of each of her sentences Tabitha recognized as a high rising terminal, because that questioning inflection had been one of the memorable first arguments she had with the editor her publisher set up with her. Back then, Tabitha had ended some sentences with question marks even when grammatically the sentences were statements, to indicate the character speaking was performing them with that rising inflection as if they were questions. When she heard it used here in front of her, it came off as intentionally exaggerated, like this girl spoke in that manner to mock the stereotypical ¡®valley girl¡¯ cadence she might have picked up on TV. Her usage was so exaggerated, in fact, that if Tabitha were to express it in writing she would use double question marks, which would have sent her assigned editor into absolute conniptions. Tabitha stood by it, though¡ªjust as language evolved, so too did punctuation culture. She may have been a child of the nineties, but generations and generations of youth after her were used to communicating with one another through texts and shorthand, and sussing out inflection by the amount of question marks added to something had long since been worked out to an exact science. The tall girl¡¯s cheerleader friend didn¡¯t set out to annoy with her inflection but was instead surprisingly expressive, and every time she rolled her eyes she also distorted her entire face into a sarcastic groan of mockery that Tabitha was a little impressed by. For a moment she felt a pang of regret, because this girl seemed funny, fun to be around or like she had a great sense of humor. In other circumstances Tabitha would have enjoyed being her friend, and it was a shame that they would probably be at odds, now. It¡¯s like when some amazing actor is cast in a very perfunctory role, and they give it their all but that just makes the casting feel like even more of a waste, Tabitha thought. Instead of us becoming great friends, to me she just winds up being stuck in this one-dimensional bully stereotype and I doubt there¡¯s any way we can be friends. ¡°I don¡¯t think you even realize what you¡¯re getting yourself into,¡± The taller one mocked, turning back to leer down at Tabitha. ¡°You have no idea. We can ruin your life.¡± ¡°Oh, is that a threat?¡± Tabitha blinked. ¡°Are you going to try to murder me? Really? Right here in front of everyone?¡± ¡°Are you insane?¡± The expressive one blurted out, but both cheerleaders were gawking at her, now. ¡°Because, Erica Taylor tried to murder me,¡± Tabitha made a show of sizing the pair up and finding them wanting. ¡°Right in the middle of a crowded party. What else are you going to do, then, push me? Convince someone else to give me a nasty shove, when I¡¯m not looking?¡± Tabitha waggled her cast. ¡°Because, that¡¯s been done before, too,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°You¡¯ll just get expelled. Hmm, let me guess¡ªyou¡¯ll talk shit about me? Spread rumors? ¡®Ruin my social life?¡¯ Tabitha¡¯s a slut, she¡¯s sleeping around with so-and-so. Tabitha¡¯s a fake. Tabitha got lipo and plastic surgery. Tabitha is the trailer trash fatty, watch out for WIDE LOAD Tubby Tabby. Everyone¡¯s already doing that, though??¡± On reflex it slipped out¡ªshe¡¯d thrown that mocking interrogative lilt right back at them, and it felt weird¡ªwrong. Just yesterday, she had fretted over turning into the same kind of girl that bullied her, and this felt like a stark indicator that that transformation was in fact happening. Suppressing a grimace of disgust with herself, Tabitha continued on. ¡°For you, slander and smears going around about you is ohmigod, the end of the world,¡± Tabitha gave them a helpless shrug. ¡°For me? It¡¯s just another Wednesday.¡± ¡°We said we¡¯re sorry, so get over yourself,¡± The taller girl changed from her incredulous antagonistic tact to a sniff of indifference. ¡°We said it, so you can¡¯t say that we didn¡¯t?? Everyone heard us.¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll be sure to convey every ounce of the sincerity you¡¯ve given me,¡± Tabitha lifted both eyebrows up and forced a smile. ¡°So, yeah. Are we done, here? Can you just¡­ go?¡± For an instant the shorter one¡¯s expression shifted and Tabitha was afraid that she¡¯d gone too far with her taunt¡ªthat she¡¯d caught a flicker or flash of actual rage barely being concealed in time. That maybe the girl was about to do something. To slap her, maybe, spit in her face, to say some terrible unexpected thing. But then, Elena at the other side of the table stood up¡ªand immediately the hushed surrounding onlookers went dead quiet, filling the entire quad with tense silence. How does Elena just STANDING UP FROM HER SEAT feel like it escalates this already bad situation way, way out of control?! Tabitha thought as she fought down a surge of panic. ¡°Yeah, okaaay,¡± The girl finally scoffed. ¡°Bye, weirdos.¡± ¡°Fucking weirdos.¡± The two stormed off, and everyone watched Elena glaring at the departing figures with expectation. With slow, careful movements Elena folded her arms in front of her and gave the cheerleaders a dismissive huff before dropping back down into her seat. Only then did all of the chatter throughout the seating areas resume¡ªbut it was painfully obvious that everyone was still staring their way. ¡°Holy shit,¡± Alicia whispered, shoulders still tensed up. ¡°Like¡ªholy shit.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha sighed, sagging down against the table. She didn¡¯t want everyone to see that her hands were shaking, and she flooded with relief when only Alicia seemed to notice. Her friend reached across the table and grabbed her good hand, giving her repeated squeezes. Whatever cocktail of hormones and adrenaline had been holding those puppet strings of confrontation aloft, those lines were all going slack now, and Tabitha felt like she was really crashing down. ¡°That was. So. Badass,¡± Alicia praised. ¡°Seriously. Both of you! Like, holy shit. Tabs babe, you blew up on her. And, ¡®Lena¡ªwhen you stood up?! I totally thought you were about to like, fight her.¡± ¡°I was,¡± Elena hugged both arms across herself and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°N-no, no, I¡ªthank you,¡± Tabitha blurted out. ¡°Thank you. I appreciate it. I, uh¡ªI probably shouldn¡¯t have, um. Done all of that. Said anything. Should¡¯ve just. Gone with their ¡®apology,¡¯ and brushed it off. I. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s wrong with me, today.¡± ¡°They were being totally fake, is what¡¯s wrong,¡± Elena scowled. ¡°Everyone saw it. They said sorry but didn¡¯t mean it at all. Of course they didn¡¯t mean it. I hope this gets them suspended. Stealing your stuff got Clarissa suspended, so. It should.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha let out a bitter laugh. ¡°I just. I probably just made more trouble for myself, and. And I feel like I want to throw up.¡± ¡°They started it!¡± Alicia leaned in to whisper in a harsh voice. ¡°So, no. No. This is all on them.¡± ¡°Hah,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°Don¡¯t start none, won¡¯t be none? That¡¯s a saying in the future.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a saying now,¡± Elena chuckled. ¡°Yeahhh¡ªTabs, I think that¡¯s a Will Smith line already,¡± Alicia grinned. ¡°Men in Black.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never seen any of them,¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Yes, ¡®any of them,¡¯ I know there¡¯ll be like five of them, though.¡± ¡°Uh-huh,¡± Elena remained skeptic. ¡°But, uh. Seriously. Are you okay?¡± ¡°No,¡± Tabitha shrugged again. ¡°I¡¯m not. But, I have you guys here with me, and¡ª¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t even do anything!¡± Alicia groaned. ¡°The second they stepped up, like¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªAnd it¡¯s whatever,¡± Tabitha squeezed Alicia¡¯s hand. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. I¡¯ve come a long ways, feels like earlier this year I could barely even talk back to Carrie. Now¡­ well. I don¡¯t know that I¡¯m progressing in a good way, but I am progressing. I¡¯m just. So over all of this bullshit. Fuck. You know, I¡¯m just now realizing¡ªI didn¡¯t even get their names.¡±
Because Mrs. Clarke was standing at the doorway for Spanish II and watching students arrive, Olivia kept her goodbyes with Michael chaste and gave him a simple peck on the cheek and then a wave before hurrying on past her teacher¡¯s smirk. Michael had class on the opposite side of campus from her after lunch but still he held hands with her and escorted her to her class first every day. As always it felt great showing off¡ªnot all that many in her grade had boyfriends, and those that did didn¡¯t have ones that doted on her like Michael did. Their Spanish class had started the second semester with a rather droll review of the previous semester, and just now were they starting to tackle preterite and imperfects. Foreign language wasn¡¯t compulsory for high school graduation in Kentucky high schools, so although Spanish I was relatively popular, attendance thinned for Spanish II and then Spanish III wasn¡¯t able to even fill all of the classroom seats. Though that meant less people to practice speaking Spanish with, it did start to give the courses more of an ¡®elite¡¯ feel, like Olivia was at the top of Springton academically. Even the college track here only requires two foreign language credits, so a bunch of the people here will probably call a quits on Spanish before next year, Olivia surmised. Big mistake! If they try to pick it up again in college, after not having practice or kept up with it for a year or two? Yeah, good luck. She was fortunate enough to be able to practice Spanish with her mother¡­ although that often devolved into playful arguments over pronunciations and which was ¡®right¡¯ Spanish¡ªSpain¡¯s Spanish, or Mexican Spanish. Her mom¡¯s grasp of the language was more ¡®informal¡¯ and hewed towards a casual spoken dialect made all the more colorful with liberal use of swear words. Olivia had joked about some of that with Mrs. Clarke, but didn¡¯t dare to actually repeat a lot of what her mother had said word for word. Still, Spanish II was a great class; Olivia had advantages over her peers, quite a few of her friends and frenemies were seated near her, and she was always in a great mood after spending lunch with Michael. Olivia found herself humming the bars from Jewel¡¯s You Were Meant For Me to herself as she crossed the classroom and dropped down into her spot. Not that many other people had arrived yet, so she made herself comfortable the way all high schoolers did¡ªputting her feet up on the book rack beneath the chair in front of her and slouching deep into her seat. The whiteboard at the front of the room had assignments written in Spanish, and it took her a minute to start puzzling through and translating some of the words that didn¡¯t come to her naturally. ¡°Olivia! Olivia, oh my God,¡± Faith blurted out, rushing down her row of desks. ¡°Did you hear? You must¡¯ve already heard¡ªI¡¯m so sorry. Oh my God.¡± Many small town religious parents gave their daughters virtue names like ¡®Hope¡¯ and ¡®Charity,¡¯ and Faith was, in Olivia¡¯s opinion, a hellspawn who made it her life¡¯s mission to rebel against her family¡¯s expectations. She had been a bandwagon ¡®country gal¡¯ with a stuffed bra back in middle school, but when she filled out with enormous breasts during puberty Faith grew into the wrong kind of confidence. Now she was bleached blonde, a cheerleader, an infamously rotten bitch, and according to the fragrance of her breath she was an avid cigarette smoker at sixteen. She remained popular because there were dozens of girls just like her here, and those types were threaded through the echelons of Springton High with enough prevalence that few people wanted to provoke the whole bunch of them. Faith and Olivia didn¡¯t like each other and weren¡¯t friends, but because they were often stuck together in classes and did have several mutual friends, they were friendly acquaintances with one another for the most part. They were able to be catty with each other, but there was an unspoken agreement to never dig too deep at each other and escalate petty grievances into actual drama for no real reason. ¡°What?¡± Olivia perked up with attention at word of something involving her. ¡°About me? Heard what?¡± ¡°About Michael!¡± Faith dropped down into the seat behind Olivia¡ªthat was Jake¡¯s seat, but Jake wasn¡¯t here yet¡ªand leaned in close so they could speak ¡®privately.¡¯ ¡°That freshman slut Tabitha? The one everyone¡¯s always talking about? So, she invited Michael to this birthday party she had, and. I heard they were making out. Like, ¡®Livia I know you and him ¡®broke up,¡¯ but everyone knows you two aren¡¯t really ¡®broken up,¡¯ like not for real. I can¡¯t believe he would¡ª¡± ¡°You heard that?¡± Olivia couldn¡¯t help but grin in amusement. ¡°...Wow.¡± ¡°I¡¯m being so serious!¡± Faith seemed to regard Olivia¡¯s nonchalance with disbelief. ¡°Everyone¡¯s talking about it. For some reason Tabitha invited him, and he went without you, and¡ª¡± ¡°No he didn¡¯t,¡± Olivia rolled her eyes and shook her head. ¡°Not withou¡ª¡± ¡°He did!¡± Faith hissed. ¡°He did, though. I¡¯m being so serious. My friend Liz, like, the second she heard, she asked him if he went. He said he did.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m not saying he didn¡¯t go,¡± Olivia laughed. ¡°I¡¯m saying he didn¡¯t go without me.¡± ¡°Uhh¡ªwhat?¡± Faith blinked in confusion. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°I mean, I was there,¡± Olivia explained. ¡°Duh. Tabitha didn¡¯t invite just him. She invited both of us. Movie and then off to a skating rink.¡± ¡°But, Michael and Tabitha were making out?¡± Faith said. ¡°Everyone¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°No,¡± Olivia shot that strange assertion down. ¡°They weren¡¯t. I was making out with Michael for like, the whole movie. Tabitha was sitting down the row with her freshman friends. They didn¡¯t ride to the skating thing together. And, once we were there? I was either with Michael the whole time, and for like the forty or so minutes I wasn¡¯t? I was sitting with Tabitha. So, no. They did not make out ever, at any point. Someone made that the fuck up.¡± ¡°O-oh,¡± Faith let out a small laugh. ¡°Wow, then. Well¡ªI guess¡ªyou¡¯re really sure?¡± ¡°Yee-up,¡± Olivia¡¯s eyebrows rose. ¡°She¡¯s still a slut, though,¡± Faith said. ¡°From what I¡¯ve heard¡ª¡± ¡°Nah,¡± Olivia pursed her lips. ¡°S¡¯all BS.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m serious,¡± Faith insisted. ¡°I just went up with Desiree during lunch and tried to talk to her. She¡¯s so full of herself. She¡¯s trying to force Coach Baylor to kick Desiree off the cheer team, so her and her weirdo friend can get in. She¡¯s psychotic.¡± ¡°Who did what, now?¡± Nicole asked, slipping into the desk beside them. ¡°Tabitha,¡± Faith muttered under her breath. ¡°The freshman slut. She¡ª¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t believe anything you hear about her,¡± Olivia cut Faith off with a shrug. ¡°Bitches are just making up stories about her to stir up drama. Again. Faith here was just trying to tell me Tabitha and Michael were making out at some party¡ªexcept, I was there, and that didn¡¯t happen. One hundred percent just someone spreading bullshit to try an¡¯ cause trouble.¡± ¡°S¡¯not what I heard,¡± Faith mumbled under her breath, shaking her head in faux dismay as if pitying Olivia¡¯s ignorance on the matter. ¡°My friend said that this girl Ashlee was there, and that she saw them making out. It was when they were all at a movie together, I think?¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªdidn¡¯t happen,¡± Olivia shrugged. ¡°Ashlee¡¯s one of the Taylor sisters, she didn¡¯t even see the movie with us, she showed up late and was all fuming about it the whole night. Some kind of grudge, there. So, don¡¯t believe a word she says.¡± ¡°You went to Tabitha¡¯s party?¡± Nicole asked, eyes lighting up with interest. ¡°How was it? What¡¯s she really like?¡± ¡°She¡¯s a dumb slut,¡± Faith made a face. ¡°She¡¯s so freakin¡¯ full of herself.¡± ¡°Nah,¡± Olivia chuckled. ¡°She¡¯s cool. Quiet and calm, seems really like¡ªI don¡¯t know. Put together. Like you know that freshman spaz energy where they¡¯re all spastic and just kind of talking to hear themselves talk? Nothing like that. She¡¯s more like, uhh. Like Janaye, you know Janaye? Calm, collected. Thinks before she speaks.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Nicole remarked with interest. ¡°Huh.¡± ¡°She totally is not,¡± Faith scowled. ¡°She thinks she¡¯s all that, but really she¡¯s this total loser.¡± ¡°If you say so,¡± Olivia smirked. ¡°She¡¯s trying to get Desiree kicked off the team,¡± Faith growled. ¡°For practically like, no reason. Just because she didn¡¯t like the way she apologized. As if that¡¯s even¡ª¡± ¡°Apologized¡­ for what?¡± Olivia gave Faith a knowing look. ¡°What¡¯d she do?¡± ¡°Nothing, basically,¡± Faith scoffed. ¡°It¡¯s this total bull. Coach Baylor¡¯s making us apologize, even though we didn¡¯t do anything wrong! It was a total accident.¡± ¡°What was a total accident?¡± Nicole asked with a grin. ¡°I asked Desiree to grab my towel and take it home, but she grabbed the wrong one,¡± Faith spread out her hands in a gesture of disbelief. ¡°Totally and completely not a big deal. At all. Since when¡ª¡± ¡°You guys stole her towel?¡± Olivia burst out laughing, turned to sit forward, and then twisted back again to give Faith a look of mirth. ¡°Are you friggin serious? Her towel, now?¡± ¡°We didn¡¯t steal anything, it was an accident!¡± Faith hissed. ¡°She just grabbed the wrong one. It¡¯s not even any kind of big deal or something to apologize for.¡± ¡°Yeah, okay,¡± Olivia snorted. ¡°It¡¯s, what, the third day of the new semester, barely anyone even brought their towels in, yet! But, somehow, you guys are trying to take one home? Yeah, right, Faith. I smell bullshit.¡± ¡°It was just an accident!¡± Faith was blushing, now. ¡°Stop it. We didn¡¯t freakin¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna get a five-day suspension for sure,¡± Olivia teased. ¡°Some other freshman girl took Tabitha¡¯s notebook, yeah, ¡®by accident¡¯ just like that last semester. Called up to the office; five day suspension. The deans are super jumpy about anything to do with bullying Tabitha now, after the whole Chris Thompson thing. The whole Erica Taylor thing. That girl spreading shit about Tabitha messing around with a teacher? She got a suspension, too.¡± ¡°Yeah, and Chris and Erica got expelled,¡± Nicole laughed. ¡°I never liked Chris, he was a douchebag.¡± ¡°It was an accident, so they can¡¯t do anything,¡± Faith sniffed. ¡°Besides, like¡ªOlivia I thought you¡¯d be on our side. Especially with what everyone¡¯s saying about Tabitha and Micheal. I was totally trying to be supportive and¡ª¡± ¡°Except, durr-hurr-hurr all of that was made up,¡± Olivia arched an eyebrow. ¡°Someone trying to turn people against Tabitha, just made it the fuck up. Probably the Taylor sisters.¡± ¡°Yeah, probably,¡± Nicole nodded along. ¡°Brittney Taylor¡¯s always talking bad about her. Or like saying that the thing with Erica wasn¡¯t even that big of a deal, or like Tabitha and them were just trying to exaggerate it.¡± ¡°I was there, too,¡± Olivia laughed. ¡°S¡¯the reason Michael and I got invited to Tabitha¡¯s birthday thing. He was the one who tackled Erica off of her when she was beating the shit out of her with a bat. I know I told you guys.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Nicole said. ¡°Can¡¯t believe she¡¯d snap like that, though. She was always cool here in school.¡± ¡°I can,¡± Olivia shrugged. ¡°Ton of people here in each of the grades are just full of crazy. Full of crazy that¡¯s just looking for some way to burst out. Right, Faith?¡± ¡°We didn¡¯t even do anything wrong,¡± Faith repeated with a sour look. ¡°Psh. I¡¯m not apologizing to her. She can¡¯t even be on the team in the first place¡ªshe¡¯s got a broken freaking arm.¡± ¡°Exactly, so¡ªwhy are y¡¯all going out of your way to hassle her and start trouble?¡± Olivia smirked. ¡°Even if the school just lets you off with a slap on the wrist, you know Coach Baylor won¡¯t.¡±
As the day warmed up, wearing the gifted Springton Spirit cheerleader jacket over her hoodie grew more and more uncomfortable. Or at least, Tabitha wanted to tell herself it was just the temperature making her start to sweat. She had been aware in a rather oblique way that Elena as a ¡®goth¡¯ planning to try out for cheerleading was a dicey topic that was getting pushback from people. Donning a varsity cheer jacket herself and having the audacity to wear it around school today seemed to be bombshell news to everyone; open provocation to the cheerleader girls. People were staring in the halls again when she walked from one class to another, heads were turning and kids were doing double-takes when they saw her. Leaving fifth period behind to make her way to the last class of the day felt like stepping through a minefield. An unfamiliar upperclassman girl waylaid her in the T-junction of one of the hallways and asked if she had joined cheer; all Tabitha could say in response was that she hadn¡¯t tried out yet. She had made a vague gesture with her injured hand as if to explain why as she passed on by, only realizing many steps later that beneath the two layers of sleeve no one could probably even tell she was wearing a cast right now. The increased level of attention on her was stifling, and Tabitha took small respite in the small pockets of teenagers amidst the crowd who didn¡¯t seem to know or care about the significance of what she was wearing. Not everyone in the student body paid her any mind, it just felt that way when so many stares turned hostile and so many girls were back to ducking in and whispering to their friends when she walked by. Tabitha wove through the stream of students passing through the halls and ducked in front of a group of girls coming from the other way that were about to cut her off. She took the final stretch of distance to the art room with hurried steps, insisting to herself that she just wanted to sit down and rest. I feel like today has just wrung me out. People glanced up when she appeared in the door of the art room, but Tabitha kept her head down and skirted around the large art tables to table six in the corner. ¡°Did you hook up with Michael Summers?!¡± Vanessa blurted out the moment she grabbed a tall stool. ¡°Tabitha¡ªwhat gives?!¡± ¡°Michael Summers?¡± Tabitha echoed, daring to scan the room for a moment and not finding the boy. ¡°No?¡± And, holy cow Vanessa, ¡®HOOK UP?¡¯ I know you mean like, get together or start to date but, wow. When you¡¯re older isn¡¯t that more implying something a LOT more? ¡°Like, I know Tiffany said something about him yesterday, but I thought she was just kidding,¡± Vanessa laughed. ¡°But now, everyone¡¯s talking about it. Apparently, you two were fooling around after some party, and now his ex-girlfriend Olivia¡¯s super mad about it?¡± ¡°They both went to my birthday party?¡± Tabitha gave Vanessa a helpless shrug. ¡°I know Michael has this class with us. He sits over there.¡± ¡°But, you two didn¡¯t hook up?¡± Vanessa peeked across the room. ¡°Which one is he again? Is he cute?¡± ¡°So you¡¯ve heard that him and I are fooling around, but you wouldn¡¯t recognize him in person?¡± Tabitha was a little amused. ¡°I would!¡± Vanessa gave her a guilty smile. ¡°Probably. I think I basically know who he is. Everyone¡¯s talking about it, now.¡± ¡°Great,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Just¡­ great. Yesterday it was, what, Matt Haynes? Whom I¡¯ve never even met. Today, I guess it¡¯s Michael.¡± ¡°Hey,¡± Amber strode up to their table. ¡°Were you making out with Michael after some party? Michael Summers.¡± This is the girl who made fun of me for starting to come out of my shell and talk to Elena in Marine Science last semester. ¡°Sadly, I was not,¡± Tabitha informed her. ¡°I, well. I tried and tried, but Olivia was there playing defense. Had no way of prying those two apart?¡± ¡°Yeah, I heard Olivia wasn¡¯t even there,¡± Amber smirked. ¡°But, for real, were you¡ª¡± ¡°We did not make out or fool around or hook up,¡± Michael explained in a rush, having hurried over to explain the moment he stepped into the room and spotted Amber cornering Tabitha. ¡°Whoever¡¯s saying that is lying. There was¡ª¡± ¡°I was just double-checking with Tabitha herself, gosh,¡± Amber teased. ¡°Like, I was just asking. Chill. Guilty conscience, much?¡± Stacy Campbell¡ªthe other girl who was supposed to sit with them at table six¡ªarrived, but seemed intimidated of Amber and hesitant to step into the crossfire to claim her normal barstool here. ¡°When was this party?¡± Vanessa asked, interested. ¡°Who all was there?¡± ¡°It was my fourteenth birthday party,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Last month.¡± ¡°Wait, you just turned fourteen?!¡± Amber gave Tabitha a baffled look. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be in eighth grade, then? Instead of ninth? Like, wow, way to rob the cradle, Michael. Jesus Christ.¡± ¡°We did not in any way, shape, or form¡ª¡± ¡°Olivia¡¯s gonna fuckin¡¯ murder you both!¡± Amber was beside herself with glee. ¡°Really stuck your nose in the wrong hornet¡¯s nest, this time. Christ. Say whatever you want, someone already saw you two making out after some party.¡± ¡°About Tabitha and Michael?¡± One of the other girls joined in to crowd around their table. ¡°Actually, turns out they didn¡¯t? Olivia said she was there the whole time, that someone¡¯s just making up stories.¡± ¡°Yeah, I dunno about that,¡± Amber was skeptical. ¡°Probably Olivia¡¯s just trying to play things down so everyone¡¯s not fuggin laughing at her. I heard this girl Ashlee was there and saw it all, that she was saying these two were making out.¡± ¡°We weren¡¯t, though¡ª¡± Michael¡¯s face was going red. ¡°Whoever¡¯s saying that doesn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°But hey, none of mah business,¡± Amber cut him off with a derisive snort, holding up her hands. ¡°Y¡¯all can do whatever. I just think it¡¯s funny. More you try and deny it, more I bet it¡¯s true. Pussies. If you did it, then just say you did it. Don¡¯t have to go around lyin¡¯ about it, too.¡± ¡°We didn¡¯t¡ª¡± The bell for the start of sixth period chimed throughout the school¡¯s intercom, and the bustle of students milling about crossed the room as everyone started to take their seats. ¡°She doesn¡¯t care, Michael,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Amber doesn¡¯t care what really happened. She¡¯s just happy to stir the pot.¡± ¡°See? There we go,¡± Amber gave Tabitha a knowing wink. ¡°Yeah. You go, girl. Might as well just come out and admit it. No one¡¯s pissy ¡®bout it ¡®cept Olivia anyways. I just think it¡¯s funny.¡± ¡°Alright, alright¡ªbreak it up, break it up, people,¡± Mr. Peterson called, waving his hand in their direction. ¡°Siddown, siddown. Michael, Amber, you wanna sit at the kiddie table today? Yeah, I didn¡¯t think so, get back over to your own tables. C¡¯mon, people.¡± Taking a deep breath and blowing it out slow in relief, Tabitha watched Michael, Amber, and that other girl file back towards their own spots. Vanessa passed out their assignments in progress from the big period six, table six folder, and Eric fiddled with the bottles and wine glasses in the center of the table to adjust them back to how they were supposed to be. When Tabitha examined her own unfinished drawing, it just seemed so amateur that today she had the urge to give up on it and try to start over. It¡¯s like I can just tell it¡¯s not good, and that working on it more won¡¯t ever make it all that much better, Tabitha stared down at the lines with a defeated sigh. No¡­ that¡¯s not fair, I guess. Just hard to focus and move forward, today. ¡°So ummm¡ª¡± Stacy cleared her throat. ¡°Springton Spirit? Are you in for cheerleading?¡± ¡°Ugh,¡± Tabitha grimaced, and then forced out a laugh. ¡°No. Maybe. Kind of? I planned on trying out with my friend; haven¡¯t actually tried out yet. Because, still have my cast, and doctor says no physical activity for a while yet because of the, uh. Brain surgery thing. I¡­ forgot my coat this morning, and Coach Baylor was super nice and lent me this to wear for today.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Vanessa gave Stacy a look. ¡°She ¡®forgot¡¯ her coat. The towel she hung up in the locker room, it got ¡®forgotten¡¯ somewhere, too. They¡¯re really out to get her, this time.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s¡ª¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°It¡¯s not exactly like that. They came and, uh. They tried to apologize. Sort of.¡± ¡°I heard you flipped out on them,¡± Vanessa confided in her. ¡°But, then I was like¡ªno way, that¡¯s not Tabitha. They were just trying to all exaggerate it. They really did come to apologize, though?¡± ¡°They said they did,¡± Tabitha gave her a wry smile. ¡°Just¡­ well. I feel like everything and everyone just wants to snowball it into, um. Into a whole big ordeal, so that it¡¯s this big thing to talk about. It¡¯s really not a huge deal or some huge dramatic thing like everyone wants it to be. Just¡­ people being petty.¡± ¡°People being petty,¡± Stacy echoed, nodding her head. ¡°Sounds about right.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t mean they can start stealing your stuff again,¡± Vanessa huffed. ¡°Or spreading all sorts of lies about you¡ªlike, for real. Didn¡¯t you already go through with all of that? I mean, Clarissa¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a big deal,¡± Tabitha shot a glance over towards Clarissa, who had been so quiet that they¡¯d barely noticed her today. ¡°I knew that things would be like this, at least a bit, when I came back to school. I knew everyone was going to be out to¡­ test me, before I could expect any kind of warm welcome.¡± ¡°Less talking, more drawing,¡± Eric complained. ¡°Shut up, Eric,¡± Vanessa scowled at the boy. ¡°Loser.¡± ¡°No, Eric¡¯s right,¡± Tabitha wore a sheepish smile. ¡°Sorry. This whole day has been super exhausting. Let¡¯s just¡ªI¡¯m gonna just draw.¡± I did okay. My heart kind of leapt up into my throat when Amber walked up on us earlier, but I did okay with it. Didn¡¯t freeze. Made a kinda sorta joke about Olivia playing defense that was pretty good, proud of that one. It just came to me! I feel like it¡¯d be funnier to people who¡¯re really familiar with Olivia and Michael, since they¡¯re obviously always all over each other. Tabitha¡¯s eyes flicked back and forth between her drawing and the bottles in the center of the table, sizing up the proportions. Just¡­ whew. Feels like, CLOSE ONE? Amber¡¯s one of those aggressive types. If she hadn¡¯t pivoted to starting to attack Michael instead, feel like I might¡¯ve folded. I¡¯m not good with her type. She¡¯s just like¡ªdang, I¡¯m blanking on the name of that girl who tried to hassle me yesterday in Personal Fitness. Her name wasn¡¯t also Amber, was it? It was something LIKE Amber. Amanda? Amelia? She was a little proud of how she¡¯d stood up for herself against the two cheerleader girls today at lunch, but also that seemed like the product of several sets of coinciding circumstances. Tabitha had been just the right kind of tired of all of this bullshit and so over it mood to sass back at them rather than being her typical doormat self. Just, Tabitha also knew she wasn¡¯t really up for constant confrontations. Stress from that was eating at her, and even more than that, she very honestly did not like herself when others managed to bring out the worst in her. All of her life the previous go-through she had at least prided herself on not having that kind of ugly, bitter inner pettiness she constantly saw in her coworkers. Seeing it just COME OUT of myself, like just watching mean words spill out of my own mouth and being surprised¡­ just, UGH. I was getting super bitchy with the cheerleader girls, and for no reason. If I¡¯d just went along with their fake apology, things would¡¯ve started to smooth over. Now, instead it¡¯s like¡ªlike I just went out of my way to clarify that we¡¯re enemies, that we¡¯re never going to get along. If I¡¯d just lowered my head a bit and pretended, we maybe could have eventually warmed up to each other and been friends later on. The line she was drawing was skewing at slightly the wrong angle, so Tabitha hurried to erase it and then looked back and forth to eyeball the stem of the outer champagne flute and correct herself. Thing is¡­ I just didn¡¯t want to be nice. Didn¡¯t want to be friends later. Just didn¡¯t want to play ball with their stupid fake nonsense, today. Why SHOULD I? With THEM? I shove it down as much as I can, but sometimes I just feel so angry at them¡ªAT EVERYTHING¡ªthat I just want to SCREAM. I did the best I could with the things I¡¯m feeling. I did pretty okay. All things considered. Tabitha knew that self-discovery was this big huge part of the whole teenager thing, the process of growing up. But, it felt like they never brought up that sometimes you would discover awful things about yourself. Everyone imagined themselves as the protagonist of their own saga, the hero¡ªrunning into your own flaws and shortcomings just rankles, and Tabitha hated that some part of her was already making excuses for herself or trying to justify it. ¡°This sucks,¡± Vanessa cursed. ¡°Drawing sucks. Why couldn¡¯t I have taken something fun, like painting? Bet I¡¯m way freaking better at painting.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t,¡± Eric commented. ¡°Art 2D is a Painting prereq. Have to take one before you can take the other.¡± ¡°Shut up, Eric,¡± Vanessa scoffed. ¡°Nobody asked you.¡± 60, The cost of being cool. ¡°The fuck do you mean she wasn¡¯t at the party?!¡± Brittany raged, using her fingertips to shove Ashlee back again. ¡°Uh, hello? That exact bitch I pointed out to you was at the party. She said so herself, now everyone thinks I¡¯m an idiot.¡± Brittany wasn¡¯t usually prone to lashing out in physical acts of violence like Erica always had¡ªthe sharp little shoves stung, and Ashlee covered the tender aches they left behind just above her boobs, but they didn¡¯t hurt. Not like fists did, not like it used to when Erica kicked her. Ashlee recoiled back against the wall and shielded her face all the same, because if she¡¯d learned one thing over the course of her childhood, was that you never wanted to let your abuser believe they weren¡¯t hitting you hard enough. ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± Ashlee wailed. ¡°I¡ªI don¡¯t remember seeing her there. I don¡¯t know!¡± She really didn¡¯t remember seeing the smiling girl from that yearbook photo. No one believed her, though. This morning Clarissa had mentioned that oh, yeah you¡¯re wrong about it, she was totally there, but Ashlee only trusted her own recollection. There had been two older guys and two older girls¡ªprobably sophomores or juniors. Tabitha and her boyfriend, and then Tabitha¡¯s two cronies, they all seemed like they were probably freshmen. Then five elementary kids, which were cousins or younger siblings of someone or other. ¡°Okay, well, everyone¡¯s saying she was there, so all I can do is repeat to everyone that yeah, my little sister¡¯s fucking retarded,¡± Brittany scowled, shoving Ashlee again. ¡°Yeah, great. What am I supposed to even tell everyone, now? ¡®Yeah sorry, you know my stupid little sister! She has that bum eye, guess Olivia was just SITTING IN HER BLIND SPOT that whole fucking night.¡¯ As if everyone doesn¡¯t already think you¡¯re a stupid fucking stain.¡± ¡°She wasn¡¯t there!¡± Ashlee sobbed out. ¡°She¡¯s lying!¡± The sob was mostly fake, although letting herself choke up with emotion enough to really cry was never too difficult. It was an excuse to escalate things in volume enough to annoy Aunt Kimberly, which sometimes brought these confrontations to a conclusion. This kind of ploy would never have worked if Erica was still here¡ªErica would have gut-punched the wind out of her, or pinned her to the floor, sat on top of her and covered her mouth. That suffocating helplessness still occasionally gave her pangs of terror, and Ashlee always forced those memories back down before the nausea and panic attached to them could spill out. ¡°Could you both stop? Please?¡± Aunt Kimberly yelled over from the living room. ¡°What are you two even fighting about? Can you just cut it out? I was at work all damned day, I don¡¯t need to come home to this. Okay?¡± Their aunt wasn¡¯t really equipped to take care of teenage girls, and each week that went by saw her attempts at being stern and laying down the law start to wear down into indifference and irritation. She had been real sympathetic at first due to the whole ¡®child abuse¡¯ situation, but then Ashlee had made the mistake of getting caught stealing things from her purse, and then gotten in even more trouble for lying about it. Back when they were still living with their parents it had been easy to obfuscate blame for missing stuff, because Erica and Brittany weren¡¯t always united and didn¡¯t trust each other, and they each had different friends that would come over. Ashlee had even pretended that Tabitha was still coming over. All of that changed when they were shuffled off to live with their Aunt. Erica was gone off to the juvie center, and so Erica¡¯s friends were out of the picture. Brittany was ashamed of their new living situation and didn¡¯t want her peers seeing how she lived, here. That meant when something went missing, the list of suspects was just Ashlee and Brittany, and with them growing wise to her game, it meant Ashlee was always guilty, whether or not they could prove it. ¡°Ashlee lied to me about something super important,¡± Brittany tattled. ¡°Now everyone at school thinks I¡¯m just making stuff up to try and mess with Tabitha.¡± ¡°Because you are!¡± Ashlee cried. So what if I¡¯m not even friends with the Tabby imposter¡ªif she can get YOU in trouble, then I can act like we¡¯re friends when I¡¯m here at home. ¡°Only because you lied to me!¡± Brittany shoved Ashlee again. This time the fingers pressed higher up, enough to unbalance Ashlee and have the motion of the push knock the back of Ashlee¡¯s head against the wall. That hurt, and it was thankfully just enough to help Ashlee summon some tears to her eyes. Now she just had to find a way to squeeze past Brittany through the hall to show their aunt¡ªthen Brittany would be in way more trouble. ¡°Would you both just stop it?¡± Their aunt called over. ¡°Brittany, you¡¯re supposed to be steering clear of that Tabitha girl. Ashlee¡ª¡± ¡°See?! SEE!¡± Ashlee gloated. ¡°She¡ª¡± ¡°And Ashlee, stop trying to cause trouble,¡± Aunt Kimberly chastised her. ¡°I know you¡¯re always trying to stir up trouble. You don¡¯t need to have anything to do with that Tabitha girl, either.¡± ¡°But she¡¯s my friend!¡± Ashlee protested, injecting disbelief and despair into her voice. ¡°You can¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Stop faking it, you¡¯re barely even really crying,¡± Brittany scoffed. She tried to shove Ashlee again, but this time Ashlee was able to catch the pressing hands on the back of her arms and ward them off. That was something Ashlee would have never, ever attempted to do with Erica¡ªfighting back had been a mistake she made twice, and it had invited the most brutal retaliation Ashlee had ever experienced in her life. Things were different here, now that Erica was out of the picture. Ashlee wasn¡¯t going to make it as easy for Brittany to push her around, anymore. ¡°Both of you stop, go on to your own separate rooms,¡± Aunt Kimberly ordered. ¡°I don¡¯t know what this is about this time, I don¡¯t care, I¡¯ve told you both a hundred times to just stop, so just stop. Go to your separate rooms¡ªif you can behave, you can come out for dinner.¡± Seeing that their aunt wasn¡¯t going to come break them up in person or appreciate her tears, Ashlee wiped them away across her face and gave her sister a triumphant sneer. It wasn¡¯t really any kind of victory, but the important thing was to pretend like it was. Brittany of course wasn¡¯t too impressed, and the older sister made a pssh face and rolled her eyes before turning and storming off to the other bedroom. ¡°Whatever. Not like it matters?¡± Brittany muttered. ¡°Your precious little tubby Tabby went and messed with the cheerleaders. She¡¯s basically signed her own death warrant. She¡¯s through.¡± The door to Brittany¡¯s room slammed, and that was when Ashlee felt like she had a small win. Because, for whatever bizarre reason even Brittany thought the Tabitha at school was Ashlee¡¯s old fat friend Tabitha. When in reality, they weren¡¯t even the same person¡ªeveryone except Ashlee had bought into the imposter¡¯s whole act somehow. They all thought the skinny preppy girl with lots of friends was Tabby, which meant they never knew Tabby at all. So, she thinks those little jabs will get to me, when really they mean nothing to me at all, Ashlee felt a surge of glee. Because me and the fake Tabitha AREN¡¯T friends. We could never be friends. I don¡¯t even know who she is. With a rare rush of elation, Ashlee stepped down the hall and into her own tiny room. Unlike Brittany¡¯s actual room, Ashlee was given the back porch of her Aunt¡¯s place, but renovations back in the eighties meant it was a covered and enclosed porch, almost as good as a real room. Just, the carpets were thin outdoor carpet mats instead of plush ones like inside, and instead of floor vents for heat, she had to make due with a little space heater. Still no idea what happened to the REAL Tabby, Ashlee felt bewildered. My best guess is that the imposter, she¡¯s Tabby¡¯s cousin or something, that she must have gotten into trouble somewhere. So, her family moved her here and told everyone she was Tabby. Probably to keep her from having A RECORD, to keep her out of places like the juvenile detention center in Breathitt where Erica is locked up. ¡°So¡­ where are you?¡± Ashlee wondered out loud, hopping on her bed. ¡°If this ¡®Tabitha¡¯ is here¡­ then where are you, who are you pretending to be? Being MADE to pretend to be¡­¡± If they installed the fake Tabitha into Tabby¡¯s life here, then didn¡¯t that mean the real Tabby had been forced to assume the fake Tabitha¡¯s life, wherever she was from? Which meant, whatever trouble that necessitated the switch had been inherited by Tabby. It was believable, because wouldn¡¯t that just be Tabby¡¯s luck? The poor oaf was probably sitting in a juvie center for someone else¡¯s crimes, and no one would believe her. Because no one ever believes us, Ashlee seethed. Ever. The switch where two girls assumed each other¡¯s different identities was implausible, but not impossible. Although Ashlee hadn¡¯t seen the new advertised Lindsay Lohan The Parent Trap that came out last year, they had the old one with Hayley Mills on tape, and she¡¯d seen it dozens of times. Somehow or other, Tabby had been forced to switch places with this fake ¡®Tabitha,¡¯ and no one cared enough to look too closely or even really notice. Now this new ¡®Tabitha¡¯ was obviously up to no good, because she was pretty and popular and thrilled to stir up all kinds of drama in school. Which is NOTHING like Tabby, Ashlee knew. That bitch is nothing like my Tabby at all. But¡ªWHERE IS the real Tabby?! How can I find her. Does she need to be RESCUED? Is she sitting in like, a juvie center like Erica is? Or WORSE? Maybe they treat her like she¡¯s crazy, because she keeps trying to tell people she¡¯s not who they¡¯re trying to say she is. Maybe they put her on medication, like on lithium treatments like they did Erica, so she¡¯s too loopy or drugged out to even complain, anymore. ¡°Somehow or other, I¡¯m gonna find you,¡± Ashlee told herself. ¡°Going to save you. What I need to do¡ªall I need to do, to make that happen, is expose ¡®Tabitha¡¯ the fake. Once everyone realizes she¡¯s not the real Tabby, then everyone will start to ask where¡¯s the real Tabby.¡± Ashlee only hoped Tabby was okay. Hoped that she was only suffering in silence in some other different town, or maybe medicated into compliance and serving out someone else¡¯s sentence in juvie, just waiting for the proper authorities to figure out what happened. Because, if the real Tabby was gone for good, if she was dead¡ªthen that meant Ashlee had lost her only friend in the entire world.
¡°Far from the imperial palace¡­ a young woman named Mulan was busli¡ªbusi¡ªum, bus-i-ly, busily writing. Notes. On her arm,¡± Hannah read out loud. ¡°Today was the day for her meeting with the Matchmaker! And, she wanted to be prepared. If she proformed well¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªPerformed,¡± Tabitha corrected in a quiet voice. ¡°¡ªIf she performed well, she¡ª¡± Hannah paused to find her place in the sentence again. ¡°She would bring honor to her family, by making a good match in marriage!¡± ¡°Good job, Hannah,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Sorry,¡± Hannah let out a deep sigh. ¡°I messed up. Again.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay to mess up,¡± Tabitha assured her. ¡°You don¡¯t have to be sorry for¡ª¡± ¡°But I knew those words!¡± Hannah threw out her hands in aggravation, causing the paperboard cover of the Mulan Disney Classic Storybook in her hand to flap closed. ¡°I even knew those ones already. Per-formed. Bus-i-ly. Just, when I got to them I still messed them up. ¡®Cause I¡¯m stupid.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not stupid,¡± Tabitha said with a bitter smile. ¡°You¡¯re reading very well. Above your grade level! If¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah, by one grade,¡± Hannah retorted. ¡°As if it¡¯s even¡ª¡± ¡°Come here, Hannah,¡± Tabitha patted the couch cushion next to her. ¡°Let¡¯s¡­ take a break.¡± ¡°Ugh!¡± Hannah let out a grunt of frustration as she bounced onto the couch. ¡°Ugghh!¡± Her seven-year-old ward was in a mood, today. Tabitha found the change worrying¡ªshe feared that now that Hannah had broken decorum and shown her a tantrum, that some subtle pretense of perfect behavior had fallen away and now the real Hannah in all of her flawed glory had been revealed. Things felt different. Hannah talked back more now, she argued, she possessed that strange stubborn and childish pride, and then she also fished for constant compliments and desperate validation at every chance. ¡°Next page?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Let¡¯s¡­ take a break,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°Fine,¡± Hannah huffed, crossing her arms. ¡°I don¡¯t care.¡± Now, Hannah was pouting. She wasn¡¯t really upset, but Hannah was trying very hard to display her obstinacy, because that might let her get her way with things. It was as if the dam had been broken last night, and now all sorts of issues were just pouring out. Most of it was juvenile enough that Tabitha could regard Hannah with a wry smile of amusement and shake her head, but¡­ Tabitha had also had a very, very long day at school. She felt exhausted, and she¡¯d hoped to come home and just have a huggable Hannah to sit with and decompress for a bit. The two girls sat in silence for several minutes, the smaller one fuming in apparent anger and the other simply staring off into space with a vacant expression. ¡°Next page?¡± Hannah prompted with impatience. ¡°Tabitha?¡± ¡°...I got into a fight today at school,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°With some girls.¡± ¡°You¡ªwhat?¡± Hannah sat up, forgetting her moody act. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I¡ª¡± ¡°Are you okay?!¡± Hannah exclaimed, tugging at Tabitha¡¯s arm to examine her. ¡°What happened?!¡± ¡°I¡­ threw my own tantrum, I guess,¡± Tabitha said, allowing Hannah to check her over for injuries. ¡°It felt like. Like, everyone just kept pushing and pushing and pushing me, and finally¡ªI guess I pushed back.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Hannah blurted out. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m sorry, I¡ª¡± ¡°Sh-sh-shh, I don¡¯t mean you,¡± Tabitha let out a small laugh. ¡°Here. Hug. Please?¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Hannah said, lunging in to tackle Tabitha in a rather crushing hug. ¡°Sorry¡­¡± It hurt¡ªTabitha felt like she might find a nasty bruise on her side later where a blunt seven-year old had cannonballed into her ribs¡ªbut, she hid her grimace and maneuvered her cast out of the way so that she could wrap a comforting arm around the little girl. She did still really need a hug right now, even if it hurt. It hurt a lot, though. It was at times like these Tabitha really discovered the consequences of losing all of the weight over the summer and adopting the vaunted skinny girl physique¡ªan emotional first-grader crashing into her side really felt like getting whacked by a sledgehammer. Never ever thought I¡¯d miss the uh¡­ well, having some ¡®padding,¡¯ there, Tabitha thought to herself, blinking away tears. Geez oh man that hurts. Next thing you know, Coach Baylor¡¯s gonna find black and blue marks, and think the cheerleaders are beating me. ¡°You, ah, you had your tantrum, and then I had mine,¡± Tabitha said in a soft voice. ¡°I think¡­ I think the pressure has just been getting to us. To both of us.¡± ¡°The pressure?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°What do you mean? Of what?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha gave Hannah¡¯s back a pat. ¡°The pressure of¡­ everything. It, um, over time it builds and it builds and it builds, and then¡­¡± She had to hesitate for a moment in trying to convey her thoughts here, because Encanto¡¯s song about pressure didn¡¯t exist yet back here in the late nineties¡ªso, Hannah wouldn¡¯t know that one. Tabitha had a bunch of vague memories of different old cartoons depicting boilers becoming overwhelmed and then blowing, but it took her a few seconds to latch onto one to present in analogy. ¡°Well. It¡¯s like Belle¡¯s father Maurice, his invention,¡± Tabitha tried to explain. ¡°Maurice¡¯s machine. When his contraption was um, was building up steam, pressure, and then it just¡­ exploded.¡± At least, I THINK that happened¡­? Tabitha pursed her lips. Or am I thinking THE GWEAT WEAPON from An American Tail? Or, one of the other ones? I¡¯m sure something like that happened in The Great Mouse Detective, too. At some point. Just, pinpointing which exact scene is which from Hannah¡¯s many video tapes is¡­ difficult. In THAT regard, I think Hannah¡¯s memory is much better than mine. Encyclopedic, almost. Hannah was still and silent, and Tabitha couldn¡¯t tell if she agreed or disagreed. Maybe Tabitha had gone overboard in finding a Disney abstraction to explain something as obvious or common sense as the concept of pressure, and seemed like she was talking down to her. Hannah was probably no stranger to feeling pressure¡ªit was just difficult to tell sometimes, because sometimes Hannah was shockingly astute and perceptive, and other times she was childish and immature. ¡°I was¡­ in a bad mood today, and just so tired of girls at school pushing me around,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°It gets so exhausting. I¡ªI don¡¯t mean to say I was in a bad mood because of you, because of your. Because of you getting upset last night. I just, I worry so much about this situation. Being here, and then what my mom¡¯s going through, and. Stuff with my dad. The future. I didn¡¯t have my usual patience to¡­ put up with being pushed around at school, today.¡± ¡°I thought those girls got espelled,¡± Hannah grumbled in a quiet voice, still hiding her face against Tabitha¡¯s shoulder. ¡°The mean ones.¡± Espelled? EXpelled? Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile. ¡°The very mean girl did get expelled. Sort of. The one who hurt me at the party¡ª¡± ¡°Erica Taylor,¡± Hannah hissed with surprising vehemence. ¡°Yes, her,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°But¡­ truth be told, none of the other girls at school ever liked me very much, either. A lot of them wanted to push me around, or test me. Put me in my place, I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Hannah demanded. ¡°I¡­ I wish I knew, Hannah,¡± Tabitha lied. How could she describe the inane complexities of high school hierarchy to a seven-year-old girl? How could she convey the effects of hormones and moodiness that turned boring, mundane classroom settings into a powder keg of melodramatic problems? The web of alliances and narratives and the intangible paradigms of social standing and popularity were so fucking stupid. Stupid and crazy. No one would ever want to try to make sense of it all, unless they were infected with that same bitter madness¡ªthat is to say, unless they were a teenager themselves, battling out the trials of adolescence in high school. She didn¡¯t want Hannah to understand that. Tabitha wasn¡¯t able to explain most of it to her, because most of it was nonsensical in the first place. What Tabitha really wanted right now was a return to simplicity, to spend time with Hannah or her cousins; children. When kids were under pressure, it built up and then they threw a tantrum. That outburst was their release valve, and then afterwards things were fine, they could enjoy being back to normal. Hell, a new toy or a trip to McDonalds was enough to snap Hannah out of her terrible moods almost instantly. Teenagers were different when they reached their breaking points. Their emotions were heightened, deepened, these intense feelings steeped into every waking thought and had a tendency to poison everything. Tabitha had been seething at the two cheerleader girls all day, and she was equally furious at Amber. At that aggressive, antagonistic art class girl who was just so immensely self-satisfied with herself for stirring up trouble without regard for facts or the truth of things. It was just so infuriating! Likewise, how could she ever convey the different facets of dissension here to Hannah? The points of opposition between teenagers sometimes became symbolic of their larger ¡®ideology¡¯¡ªthe cheerleader girls snapping at Elena for being ¡®gothic,¡¯ and Elena responding with barbed words of her own simply because those girls presented themselves as ¡®preppy.¡¯ Let alone the underlying issue of how everyone knew Elena was going to try out for cheer without conforming to their social distinctions. Associating culture or subculture with the petty politick and outright tribalism of high school drama honestly made things even worse. How do you explain that to a seven year old, without realizing how superficial and pointless all of the conflicts really were? How did word even get around about Elena going for cheer in the first place? Olivia, of all people, knew before I did, Tabitha turned her weary eyes to the ceiling. I¡¯ve found myself in the very unfortunate position of being young enough that I¡¯m completely involved in all of this bullshit, IMMERSED, and also old enough to also see how stupid all of it is. Pray for me, hah. I really don¡¯t care, AT ALL, about any of this stupid nonsense, and then also, at the same time¡ªI can¡¯t STOP myself from caring, WAY TOO MUCH, about all of this same stupid nonsense! ¡°So what happened?¡± Hannah pressed for details when she seemed to realize Tabitha wasn¡¯t going to spill everything on her own. ¡°With the girls.¡± ¡°They took my towel,¡± Tabitha revealed. ¡°That neat Polar bear one we bought. I had it hanging up in the girl¡¯s locker room, and. They took it. The coach found out right away and got it back, made them apologize. But. They didn¡¯t mean it at all. It felt like¡­ it felt more like they were mocking me, than really apologizing. So, I¡ªI don¡¯t know what I said to them. I snapped at them, I guess. I was just so over being pushed around all the time. I am. I¡¯m so over it. I don¡¯t remember what I actually said. I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll hear about it tomorrow, though! Hahhh¡­¡± ¡°Can¡¯t they get espelled?!¡± Hannah demanded. ¡°For stealing. Or in big trouble, at least. Stealing is a crime¡ªthey can go to prison.¡± ¡°They said it was an accident,¡± Tabitha gave the girl a helpless shrug. ¡°...It wasn¡¯t really an accident, though.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not fair,¡± Hannah said, raising her head to give Tabitha a furious look. ¡°I know,¡± Tabitha agreed. ¡°It¡¯s really not. But¡ªit¡¯s complicated. They¡¯re cheerleaders, and I think they¡¯re all back to just spreading around lies about me. They¡¯re used to getting their way with everything, and everyone¡¯s used to letting that happen, because¡­ they¡¯re pretty and popular. That makes me so mad, too¡ªyes, people listen to my side of things now, but sometimes it feels like that didn¡¯t even start until I lost all the weight and became ¡®pretty¡¯ enough for people to listen to. Which sure makes that bittersweet. I know that¡¯s not fair, I know I was, um. That I was to blame for a lot of it, because I was afraid to speak up, because I didn¡¯t have the confidence to¡­ do anything at all. I¡¯m just. I¡¯m so sick of it. All of it. Sometimes, I just wish¡­ I wish¡­¡± Tabitha didn¡¯t know what she was wishing for. She wanted to be pretty and popular, but she was maybe realizing that the difficulty and stress involved with making that happen undermined or hollowed out any possible result she might achieve, there. Being the cool girl everyone liked was nice as an idle dream, but the process of making it happen really drained all the nice out of it, and turned it into something else entirely. But, at the same time¡­ I still want it, Tabitha thought to herself with a sour expression. Guess I¡¯ll always want it. Because¡ªbecause I¡¯m twisted, because I had a previous life of regret and longing for the pretty perfect high school years full of fun and friendship and romance that I missed out on. Maybe that was ALWAYS just a fantasy. ¡°Are you gonna tell mom?¡± Hannah asked, searching Tabitha¡¯s expression. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t know,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I don¡¯t think I want to worry her with everything. Coach Baylor has a handle on it all, I guess. It¡¯s all sort of stupid and pointless to begin with, I just¡­ I can¡¯t help but stew in it, sometimes. Let it get to me. Talking with you helps a lot though, Hannah Banana. You¡¯re a good listener! A great listener. I feel a lot better, about everything, just because you¡¯ve let me vent things out a bit.¡± ¡°Mom says I¡¯m a terrible listener,¡± Hannah pouted. ¡°But, I¡¯m not terrible. I listen.¡± ¡°I know you do,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but smile and pat Hannah¡¯s adorable head. ¡°...Sometimes.¡± ¡°I do listen!¡± ¡°Well, when you do listen, you¡¯re a great listener!¡± Tabitha was trying hard not to sound condescending. ¡°The best. Thank you, Hannah.¡±
Cinnabun_1982: ya ik Cinnabun_1982: i get it Cinnabun_1982: STILL THO born2bjedi: I dont know that it wuold be all that great anywys born2bjedi: Were having other people over Cinnabun_1982: rofl Cinnabun_1982: ya prolly not but Cinnabun_1982: still Cinnabun_1982: :p Cinnabun_1982: just want to see u born2bjedi: I can ask? Cinnabun_1982: YES Cinnabun_1982: ASK Cinnabun_1982: ASK ASK ASK Cinnabun_1982: plz Cinnabun_1982: lol Cinnabun_1982: i mean if u want to Cinnabun_1982: x.x born2bjedi: Ok lol. One 2nd Cinnabun_1982: <3 <3 <3 Cinnabun_1982: ur mom¡¯s cooking is the bomb
Matthew leaned the dining room chair back on its rear two legs, until he was tilting far enough to see the whole way across to the living room. Mrs. Williams had been bustling around somewhere on that side of the house earlier, but he didn¡¯t see her now. Their family computer was set up within an enormous wooden corner desk in the dining room, and the blocky monitor displayed the eBay page his mother had been fretting over all evening, with the smart gray rectangle frame of a Yahoo!Messenger chat window open in front of it. Knowing his mom would ask, he moved the cursor up and preemptively clicked on the big refresh symbol Internet Explorer featured in its row of top icons. AUTHENTIC PORCELAIN 1890 IRONSTONE BOWL AND PITCHER ANTIQUE WASH STAND EXCELLENT CONDITION disappeared from the page heading, and the browser window went blank for several long seconds. Matthew stared intently instead at the bar at the very bottom, where an hourglass was now depicted. Text flickered through the status bar, from connecting to host to 468 kb of¡­ and a number of other gibberish faster than he could read. Within just five seconds, the same eBay page was beginning to appear again, beginning with the website logo and search bar, then the side links, and finally the individual auction listing popped back into view. The jpeg images of the antique took another five seconds to generate, pixels loading in from the top row by row and steadily appearing back into place¡ªwith 32 megabytes of memory, their brand new Dell was a veritable powerhouse, nothing at all like their rickety old IBM computer. Verifying that there were no new bids yet, Matthew dropped the chair back forward onto all four legs, and then rose from the seat and stretched. He was in just boxers and a t-shirt, so he knew his mother was going to pester him about getting changed for dinner. After all, they were having company over tonight¡ªSandra was coming over with Hannah and Tabitha. Sandra bringing over Hannah for an evening was nothing new, but Matthew feared he would be expected to entertain Tabitha tonight, which would be awkward and annoying. He would much rather install Hannah in front of some cartoons to keep her occupied, and then keep chatting over Yahoo! Messenger with Casey. Casey wants to come over instead, just¡­ I dunno, Matthew lumbered forward across the living room in search of his mother. It¡¯s one thing when we can just internet chat at each other, PRIVATELY¡ªand another thing entirely when she¡¯s here in person and mom¡¯s bugging us with QUESTIONS and meddling. I swear she does it on purpose. And she¡¯s TWICE as bad, THREE TIMES as bad with that when Sandra¡¯s over. ¡°Mom?¡± Matthew called. ¡°Don¡¯t yell in the house,¡± Mrs. Williams yelled back. ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t yelling!¡± Matthew hollered. ¡°There¡¯s no new bi¡ª¡± ¡°Is there any new bids?¡± Mrs. Williams interrupted. ¡°On that pretty porcelain set? How much time is left?¡± ¡°Uhh¡ª¡± Matthew padded back across the room to double-check. ¡°Like, sixteen minutes.¡± ¡°What?¡± Mrs. Williams yelled. ¡°Sixteen minu¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t yell in the house!¡± Mrs. Williams called. ¡°Is there any new bids?¡± ¡°No,¡± Matthew said. ¡°Are you getting ready?¡± Mrs. Williams demanded. ¡°Sandra and the girls are going to be here, soon. Have you picked up your room? What are you wearing for dinner?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± Matthew paused. ¡°Actually, uh. Is it cool if Casey comes over, too? For dinner.¡± ¡°Casey as in your girlfriend?¡± Mrs. Williams asked. ¡°Tonight?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Of course that¡¯s okay¡ªthat¡¯s wonderful,¡± Mrs. Williams bustled out of the master bedroom. ¡°Oh, shoot. Will we have enough pasta? I wasn¡¯t sure if¡ªMatthew Monty Williams, why aren¡¯t you dressed?! They¡¯ll be here in half an hour!¡± ¡°Mom,¡± Matthew slowly exhaled. ¡°I¡¯m capable of getting dressed within half an hour. Half an hour is¡ª¡± ¡°Your girlfriend¡¯s coming over, and look at you¡ªwhen was the last time you brushed your hair and made yourself look nice? Did you shower after school? Do you have your thing set up in your room for Hannah and Tabitha? Your video game whatever it is? Will there be room back there for everyone, if Casey¡¯s coming, too? Do you want to set all that up out in the living room? Go get dressed!¡± ¡°I was gonna¡ª¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you disconnect all that and bring it out here in the living room,¡± Mrs. Williams decided. ¡°That way some of you can play your game, and then maybe Hannah or Tabitha can play on the computer. Doesn¡¯t the computer have games for kids?¡± ¡°Hannah loves Ski Free,¡± Matthew shrugged. ¡°I guess Tabitha might like the Encyclopedia Britannica CD thing? I don¡¯t really know what she¡¯s into. Casey¡ª¡± ¡°Well, hurry and get all that set up!¡± Mrs. Williams rushed past him to check on the pot that was simmering in the kitchen. ¡°And¡ªkeep an eye on our auction, too! You said sixteen minutes left?¡± ¡°We don¡¯t really have to watch it,¡± Matthew explained, returning to the desk and leaning over it to chicken-peck at the keyboard again. ¡°Our maximum bid¡¯s already set up.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t have to watch it, hah!¡± Mrs. Williams barked. ¡°I¡¯m getting that porcelain set. If we have to pay more than what we put in, then so be it. I¡¯m getting that porcelain set. There¡¯s already a place for it in the parlor!¡±
born2bjedi: She says its cool Cinnabun_1982: rly??? Cinnabun_1982: X.X Cinnabun_1982: omg b there in a bit Cinnabun_1982: ily Cinnabun_1982: <3 Cinnabun_1982: <3 born2bjedi: ily 2 born2bjedi: Oh and born2bjedi: Just 2 warn u born2bjedi: Hanna and her mom will be here born2bjedi: And tabitha i think Cinnabun_1982: rofl Cinnabun_1982: kewl Cinnabun_1982: bringin an art club shrt then Cinnabun_1982: she can where art club stuff instead of stpuid cheerleader stuff @ school then Cinnabun_1982: ok b there in 15 Cinnabun_1982: ilu Matthew Cinnabun_1982: <3 <3 <3
¡°Move move move, c¡¯mon we¡¯ve gotta skedaddle!¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°Hannah¡ªshoes. Coat.¡± ¡°Then¡ª¡± Hannah held up an arm as Tabitha helped guide it into a jacket sleeve. ¡°Then can we get McDonald¡¯s? On the way. You said¡ª¡± ¡°No we¡¯re not getting McDonald¡¯s, Karen¡¯s cooking tonight!¡± Mrs. Macintire cried out in exasperation. ¡°You know very well she¡¯ll whip up whatever you¡ª¡± ¡°But you said she was making bad pasta!¡± Hannah tried to gesticulate her frustration, but Tabitha had captured her other hand and was fitting it into her jacket. ¡°So¡ª¡± ¡°Alfredo isn¡¯t bad pasta, it¡¯s just different,¡± Mrs. Macintire argued. ¡°I think if you tried it, you¡¯d probably like¡ª¡± ¡°I did try it, Mom!¡± Hannah protested. ¡°I did before. I¡¯ve tried bad pasta before. Alfredo. I didn¡¯t like it!¡± ¡°It¡¯s not bad pasta!¡± Mrs. Macintire insisted. ¡°It¡¯s alfredo! Even if you don¡¯t like it, please don¡¯t insult Karen¡¯s cooking and call it ¡®bad pasta!¡¯¡± ¡°Sheesh!¡± Hannah muttered, sharing a glance with Tabitha. ¡°Sheesh.¡± ¡°Sheesh!¡± Tabitha teased. ¡°It¡¯s bad pasta,¡± Hannah confided in a whisper. ¡°Bleh! It tastes really gross. It¡¯s like, it¡¯s like. It¡¯s like sour milk spaghetti.¡± Tabitha smiled, but couldn¡¯t help but cringe at the little girl¡¯s description. Today, Officer Macintire was back at the station, and Mrs. Macintire had made plans for them to instead have dinner with Mrs. Williams and Matthew. Going over for a get-together at another family¡¯s house was a bit of an unfamiliar concept to Tabitha, and this felt doubly strange after they had just had Mrs. Moore over here last night for that impromptu cookout. Different households meeting up for dinner and to socialize seemed like one of those stereotypical suburban sitcom things, and Tabitha had never put much thought into them. I guess growing up in such an insular home just really REALLY brought out the introvert in me over time, Tabitha mused. It¡¯s not as though we were really ever equipped to entertain guests, though. And, I suppose my parents didn¡¯t really have¡­ well, FRIENDS. At all. The only time people had been invited over in Tabitha¡¯s memory was the night of the shooting¡ªwhere Alicia and her mother both stayed over¡ªand then the time everyone came over for trick-or-treating on Halloween. Likewise, the only instance where the Moores really went somewhere for dinner was Thanksgiving or Christmas at Grandma Laurie¡¯s, so in Tabitha¡¯s head, those kind of social visits adhered pretty strictly to holidays or big events. But, no¡ªI guess what¡¯s ACTUALLY normal is just families meeting up or having get togethers whenever they can, Tabitha thought. I don¡¯t know why the idea of it surprises me so much. It¡¯s like when I suddenly realized I have friends and we can just¡­ GO TO THE MALL TOGETHER. That¡¯s a thing we can do. We can just watch a movie, or go driving around and hang out, or mess around with Bobby at the McDonald¡¯s drive thru whenever we want. ¡°Do you need help tying your shoes?¡± Tabitha offered, passing a little white sneaker over to Hannah. ¡°No, I can do it,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Do you need help tying yours?¡± ¡°Hmm,¡± Tabitha pursed her lip. ¡°I think I can probably manage.¡± Like everything else, tying her own shoes while most of her fingers were immobilized in a cast wasn¡¯t impossible, just it was annoying. Over time Tabitha had grown used to these difficulties and challenges, and the only time she found herself truly impaired was when trying to do dishes. Managing to finagle the dishes clean without getting her cast wet was so impractical that it just really wasn¡¯t worth the additional effort. ¡°Do you want to bring your Gameboy?¡± Tabitha asked. ¡°So that you can Pokemon battle against Matthew?¡± ¡°Oooh¡ªyes, yes!¡± Hannah jumped up and down. ¡°I havta show him how cool mine are! You have to bring yours, too!¡± ¡°If you want me to,¡± Tabitha agreed with a small smile. Hannah¡¯s roster of pocket monsters was still somewhat in flux as the seven year old kept coming up with new ideas¡ªright now, only three of them were high level. The starter Pikachu Hannah used from the beginning named Zeus, and then the ¡®husband and wife¡¯ Gengar and Clefable, which Hannah had named Prin Philip and Briar Rose. It had been determined early on that all of Hannah¡¯s team would be named after characters from Disney animated films, which was a process that often involved hours of debate on which name fit which monster best. In link battles against Tabitha, their wins and losses were roughly the same¡­ although this was because for those fights Tabitha shelved her max level ¡®serious team¡¯ and instead fielded her ¡®silly team¡¯ whose levels were in the mid-forties. For that team of Pokemon, Tabitha disregarded stats and movesets and competitive advantage and just picked the monsters she thought were neat; Seaking, Venemoth, Persian, Parasect, Porygon, and Farfetch¡¯d. To her surprise and dismay, even though most of these were mid or bottom-tier, they often obliterated Hannah¡¯s team¡ªunless Tabitha went out of her way to choose poor type matchups, or use less effective moves. If I use my serious team¡­ well, I¡¯m not sure I could even lose on purpose if I tried, Tabitha thought with a wry smile. Those ones really don¡¯t have any extraneous moves in their arsenal, and their stats are disgustingly high. ¡°Chop chop chop, c¡¯mon let¡¯s go!¡± Mrs. Macintire appeared in the kitchen, still angrily brushing out her hair. ¡°We¡¯re gonna be late!¡± ¡°Um, would it be alright if we¡ª?¡± Tabitha held up her Gameboy to ask for permission to bring them. ¡°Sure, sure¡ªjust, Hannah, you can¡¯t be playing that while we¡¯re at the table eating dinner,¡± Mrs. Macintire warned. ¡°It¡¯s for before or after, not during dinner. That would be rude.¡± ¡°O-kaaay,¡± Hannah groaned in exaggerated dismay. ¡°I guess that¡¯s fine. Can Momma Williams make me macaroni and cheese?¡± ¡°We¡¯ll see, Hannah-ta-pana,¡± Mrs. Macintire rolled her eyes as she tossed the brush to the counter with a clatter and grabbed her purse. ¡°I am not allowing ketchup on mac and cheese, though¡ªit¡¯s unconscionable. Unconscionable! Okay, are we all ready? Let¡¯s go!¡±
The drive over to the Williams¡¯ place was relatively short and sweet, with Sandra¡¯s Acura pulling them out of one suburb, down Springton¡¯s main street a ways, and then turning into yet another suburban neighborhood. Hannah was staring down at her Gameboy with a look of determination as she hurried to bring her character back towards a Pokecenter, and Tabitha gazed out the windows and watched scenery pass by. Rather than ruminating over what a trying day it had been, she was wistfully watching the sidewalk routes through town and just wishing she could run again already. The Springton Spirit cheerleader jacket had not been shown to the Macintires after school, because Tabitha didn¡¯t want to get into all of that again¡ªthe cheerleading or any of the other school drama¡ªright now. Admitting to Hannah that she had an altercation with some girls at school back then was as far as she wanted to delve into things, because going over things a second time with Sandra would just start getting her worked up again. Her time after school needed to be a bit of a respite from wrestling with all of those issues. Tabitha had felt exhausted all day. I guess I just DREAD the possibility that Mrs. Williams has already caught wind of school drama, somehow. I want to say it seems unlikely¡­ but, then again it IS Mrs. Williams. It feels like all of the rumors and stupid gossip in town head straight to her first. The neighborhood the Williams lived in was just as upscale as Tabitha remembered from her last visit back after Thanksgiving. Late afternoon light was shining down across tidy lawnscapes and neatly manicured bushes and shrubs, as though this part of town was simply a little more blessed than some of the other areas. Mrs. Macintire pulled into the driveway there beside Mrs. William¡¯s car, but there was no patrol vehicle in sight¡ªit seemed that tonight¡¯s dinner would not include either of the officers, and instead be a ladies get-together. Well, us and maybe just Matthew, I guess? ¡°Look who it is,¡± Mrs. Macintire observed with a smirk. ¡°No, ¡®cross the street¡ªyou see that SUV, there?¡± ¡°Casey!¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°Hannah, Casey might be with us, tonight. Matthew¡¯s girlfriend.¡± ¡°Yeah I know Casey,¡± Hannah nodded, glancing up from her game for a moment. ¡°I¡¯m gonna battle her.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Tabitha helped Hannah unbuckle her seatbelt. ¡°She might not have her Gameboy with her. I¡¯m sure Matthew will, though!¡± ¡°I can beat Matthew,¡± Hannah scoffed. ¡°I bet I can beat him, easy.¡± ¡°Hm, is that so¡­¡± Tabitha wondered. Is Matthew the type to let Hannah win just because she¡¯s seven? Honestly¡­ maybe. Everyone climbed out of the vehicle, and Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but remember that fateful night Mrs. Williams had bustled her inside with a stolen purse full of Aunt Lisa¡¯s heroin. It truly hadn¡¯t been that long ago, and even though the sun had been out all day, Tabitha felt some of that same chill from back then. Noticing that Hannah was too focused on her Gameboy to walk up to the door with them, Tabitha wore a wry smile and walked around the vehicle and put a hand across the little girl¡¯s back to help guide her in the right direction. ¡°Good Lord, Hannah,¡± Mrs. Macintire rolled her eyes. ¡°This feels¡­ weird,¡± Tabitha admitted. ¡°Should we have brought something? A dish? We could have brought a casserole, or, or¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, please,¡± Mrs. Macintire laughed. ¡°That¡¯d just be embarrassing myself. We only even brought potatoes this past Thanksgiving ¡®cause someone is a picky eater and won¡¯t eat real ¡®tatoes. Listen, I¡¯m an okay cook, I¡¯m decent enough, but Karen lives for this stuff.¡± ¡°We could have brought some of the steaks,¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°Maybe some other time, when the hubbies are with us,¡± Mrs. Macintire shrugged. ¡°They¡¯re a lot more into the grilling and cookout stuff. Those menfolk types. Psh. Men! Just¡ªit¡¯s January, still. I couldn¡¯t believe it coming home yesterday, and seeing you whackos out in the back yard. What was he thinking?!¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that bad, this time of day,¡± Tabitha giggled as Mrs. Macintire rung the doorbell. ¡°Not once the sun¡¯s been out. Almost sixty-ish?¡± ¡°Yeah, unless you¡¯re standing outside forever, grilling,¡± Mrs. Macintire argued. ¡°Plenty of time to get nice and cold!¡± ¡°But,¡± Hannah spoke up without raising her head from her game. ¡°Grills are hot. So.¡± ¡°True, it wasn¡¯t so bad for us two,¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°We were right there in front of the grill!¡± ¡°He¡¯s not even supposed to be eating steaks,¡± Mrs. Macintire griped. ¡°Doctor Diana¡¯s gonna throw a fit.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°Too hard to chew?¡± ¡°Hahh, no sweetie,¡± Mrs. Macintire shook her head. ¡°Your daddy¡¯s supposed to not eat red meats or stuff with saturated fats while he¡¯s in recovery. She said lean meats only¡ªfish, chicken, turkey, are okay. Everything he brought home yesterday is not!¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°So¡­ he¡¯ll get fat.¡± Before they could correct her, the door swung open to reveal the stout but jolly figure of Karen Williams. ¡°You¡¯re here!¡± Mrs. Williams stepped back to invite them in. ¡°Come in, come in¡ªMatthew invited his girlfriend Casey, as well! You all remember Casey. Hannah, you¡¯re sprouting up like a weed! Sandra, she must be a couple inches taller, every time I see her! Tabitha, you¡¯re looking good! We get that cast off real soon, I hear?¡± ¡°Um!¡± Tabitha put on a smile at the sudden barrage of cheer. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Well come in, come in,¡± Mrs. Williams laughed. ¡°Hannah, I see you got one of those handheld games! Was that for Christmas? Is this new? I think that looks new.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Hannah nodded. ¡°Christmas.¡± ¡°She hasn¡¯t looked up from the thing in days, seems like,¡± Mrs. Macintire teased. ¡°Hasn¡¯t even had time for her cartoons!¡± The three were ushered inside, and Tabitha looked around at the furnishings with polite interest. Unlike her last visit here, this wasn¡¯t near a holiday time and the oppressive seasonal display of decorations didn¡¯t festoon every available surface. Instead, the place just looked¡­ nice. A bit more normal, welcome and inviting, it now felt more like an ordinary place where people lived their lives. I was half sure she would still have Christmas decorations up! Suppose everything comes down in January. Hannah was already at home here, hurrying on past the familiar dining room table where Tabitha had once spread out the contents of her aunt¡¯s purse¡ªit was now set for six, with plates and silverware¡ªand passing into the living room beyond. One of the other differences to notice now was that a computer monitor here in the corner was turned on rather than sitting dormant. It was an old, archaic late-nineties computer sitting in a massive wooden corner desk, perhaps part of a home office of some sort. Tabitha followed after her young ward without more than a glance of interest at the PC, while Sandra and Karen had already gotten into gossiping with one another in hushed voices. Just please please PLEASE don¡¯t be talking about cheerleading or me stealing Olivia¡¯s boyfriend¡­ In the Williams living room, Matthew and Casey were sitting together in front of the couch while holding those peculiar three-handle Nintendo 64 controllers. Cables snaked across the carpet in front of them to Matthew¡¯s game console, which appeared to have been brought out of Matthew¡¯s room for this evening and temporarily set up on the floor in front of them here. When Tabitha looked past Hannah to see the screen, she was surprised to recognize the game¡ªit was a much much older and more simplistic version of Mario Party Celebration. Tabitha had fiddled around with that one a bit in the future, because it was one of the titles packed in with her Nintendo Magi. Seeing the familiar Balloon Burst minigame but this time in blocky ¡®nineties graphics¡¯ was a little interesting. The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Although¡­ just because I played Mario Party a little in the future doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m GOOD at it, Tabitha thought to herself with a wry smile. Actually, I remember being pretty terrible at most of the little minigames. And that was just against the game¡¯s AI opponents! ¡°Hannah!¡± Casey cried out. ¡°Matthew¡¯s bullying me. You have to come help!¡± ¡°Yeah, right,¡± Matthew said. ¡°It¡¯s a trick! She¡¯s lyin, she¡¯s ahead by two stars. Don¡¯t listen to her, Hannah!¡± ¡°I brought my Pokemon!¡± Hannah said, holding up her game. ¡°So that we can battle.¡± ¡°Oh shoot¡ªMatthew, you should have told me we could battle tonight!¡± Casey protested. ¡°I left my Gameboy at home. Should I run back over it and get it?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got mine,¡± Matthew said. ¡°Matthew¡ª¡± Hannah squared her shoulders and pointed a finger at him. ¡°I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!¡± ¡°Hey, Tabitha!¡± Casey offered her a wave. ¡°Good to see ya.¡± ¡°Hey,¡± Tabitha replied with an awkward wave. ¡°Yeah, cool seeing you here.¡± ¡°So, I heard at school that¡ª¡± Matthew started to say. ¡°Nope!¡± Tabitha interrupted with a weak smile. ¡°Nope, nope. Nope nope nope. What, do you want your mother to hear?!¡± ¡°Hah, alright,¡± Matthew shook his head. ¡°Just, like. You alright?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll manage,¡± Tabitha blew out a long sigh. ¡°Somehow.¡± ¡°Olivia¡¯s had your back,¡± Casey gave her a quick thumbs up before returning both hands to her controller. ¡°I don¡¯t know how this one even got started, but. Yeah. At least it¡¯s getting shut down right away, this time.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°It¡¯s just. Exhausting! Especially since it feels like every time the next class starts¡­ everyone wants to bring everything up all over again!¡± ¡°This too shall pass,¡± Casey chuckled. ¡°This too shall pass.¡± ¡°What will?¡± Hannah asked. ¡°The kids at school?¡± ¡°The ones I was¡­ arguing with, today,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Oh, right,¡± Hannah said. ¡°Yeah¡ªTabitha already told me.¡± ¡°Well, I guess you and Tabitha can play Mario Party while Hannah and I Pokemon battle,¡± Matthew said, setting down his controller as he lost the minigame match in spectacular fashion. His Mario and several other characters slumping in defeat as the camera zoomed in instead upon Casey¡¯s Yoshi jumping into a victorious pose. ¡°Or¡ªthe computer¡¯s on,¡± Matthew remembered. ¡°Mom was asking if you had an email address or anything, yet. I told her I dunno. If you want, you can sign up and make an account somewhere. Hotmail, Rocketmail, Webbox, Yahoo!¡ªI think they¡¯re all free.¡± For a moment Tabitha was stimply stunned and froze in place at his words. ¡°Y-you guys have internet?!¡± Tabitha almost gasped. They actually have screechy demon-tones dialup? I wasn¡¯t sure how many families around here would be uhhh. EARLY ADOPTERS, to that whole kind of thing. Not in the nineties, not in semi-rural Kentucky. ¡°Yeah, we have Earthlink,¡± Matthew gave her a casual nod. ¡°I¡¯m on a couple bulletin boards, I¡¯ve got messenger. Mom needs it to satisfy her eBay addiction. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve heard of eBay¡ªs¡¯like a worldwide¡­ garage sale¡­ uhhh auction kinda thing?¡± Okay, so I guess internet is UNCOMMON rather than rare, Tabitha struggled to stamp out the personal bias that had colored her perception there. Hell, he just said eBay is already a thing! Just because I didn¡¯t get onto the internet until I was in my late teens doesn¡¯t mean that¡¯s true for everyone else. A multitude of feelings crashed through her one after the other at the prospect of being re-introduced to the internet. Surprise came first and foremost. Because academically, she knew that the world wide web didn¡¯t sprout into existence right when she started using it in the early two-thousands, but in her mind personal computers and net access were still an extremely rare thing back here in the late nineties. Perhaps college students studying engineering, or ultra-nerd technology enthusiasts might have their own computers and be involved in the early internet, but that would surely not include average families like the Williamses! She also couldn¡¯t help but feel a little miffed, as if one of her future knowledge advantages had been stolen out from under her. Additionally, upon really realizing how little she knew about the programs and idiosyncrasies of net use back in 1999 made Tabitha feel as though one of her oldest and closest companions, the internet¡ªwhom she had been bosom buddies with for most of her life¡ªwas at this point in time virtually a stranger to her. Foreign, strange and unfamiliar. Finally, the feeling that coursed through Tabitha in the end was a disquieting sense of longing. Like a junkie in recovery, who¡¯s suddenly offered a fix! Tabitha thought with a sheepish stretch of her lips. I, yeah, I guess I went from being TERMINALLY ONLINE six to ten hours a day writing or reading or just kinda browsing¡ªor at the very least, CONSTANTLY CONNECTED, plugged into everything still for notifications and updates¡­ to full stop cold turkey NO INTERNET. For like, the past six months. Tabitha remembered a lot of the light novels and webfiction stories where a modern character reincarnates or transmigrates often glossed over that issue without more than a passing sentence or two, but the cold hard reality of it was that being without internet, it sucked. It was endlessly aggravating not being able to google things she was curious about whenever they popped into mind. Sitting in the bathroom without a phone or bracelet PC of some kind was obnoxious after one spent most of their life used to having those on hand. Laying in bed at night as the day winds down and not having all of the idle entertainment in the universe to scroll through at her leisure was just¡­ boring! And BOREDOM is THE cardinal sin! As a writer, the rule is that almost anything goes¡ªa narrative, a plotline, characters can be ANYTHING. Anything except boring. So what if computers right now were retro, or slow, or connected to the early web only via the screeching horror that was dial-up? Throughout her life, escape into the internet had been her greatest source of comfort. The allure of anonymity, the boundless sea of information and entertainment, and the siren-call of communities and collectives that created the little bastions called fandoms. More than all of that even, the early internet represented so much untapped opportunity that the idea of immersing herself into everything again was downright hypnotizing! I don¡¯t have an Alphabet account, Gmail doesn¡¯t even exist, yet. There¡¯s no Paypal, but what would be the point of that, as I don¡¯t even have my own bank account in 1999. Mrs. Macintire brought up getting one started for me, but we haven¡¯t done that yet. I don¡¯t have ANY accounts, ANYWHERE online right now. Total blank slate, fresh start. All of these thoughts were racing through her head as she followed along behind Matthew back over to the family computer in the dining room. Tabitha had maybe noticed the computer setup here on her prior visit, but hadn¡¯t been able to pay it any attention due to the circumstances¡ªTabitha had just fled from her family in the middle of the night with a stolen purse full of drug evidence. Tension had been extremely high, and Tabitha only really remembered sitting stiff and upright, shell-shocked, while the Williams family and their visiting relatives fretted over the situation. To really take the time and examine it now, the bulky gray box shape of a computer monitor all but loomed from its position on the sturdy wooden corner desk. The screen was perhaps only twenty inches across and disconcertingly square rather than the wide flatscreen rectangles Tabitha was accustomed to from the future¡ªbut, nothing about the thing seemed small. CRT monitors of this era were weighty, they had a certain tangible heft about them. She knew from watching documentaries that this thing was a solid, nigh-immovable edifice packed thick with almost sixty pounds of glass; vacuum tubes of astonishing thickness filled with archaic vapors¡ªmercury and lead and phosphorus dust¡ªas well as a primitive high-voltage capacitor that would retain a veritably lethal charge even hours and hours after the device was shut off. Okay calm down, Tabitha. S¡¯not exactly as bad as lead paint, or asbestos or anything, and it¡¯s not even like they stop making things out of dangerous and volatile materials going forward. Just uh, yeah I wouldn¡¯t want one of these big chunky retro monitors to fall on me? Good way to crush some toes, looks like. Likewise the computer tower itself was huge, occupying the entirety of a tall cabinet compartment within the desk. The machine appeared antiquated to the point of being alien to her, and it took several seconds of staring to begin to identify why. The unfamiliar greebling that festooned the molded plastic were disc drives, which might slide out a tray to accept a compact disk at the touch of one of those buttons; this Dell featured two trays for such CDs, and then even a specialized slot just below for inserting floppy diskettes. Guess it¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve really looked at one? Tabitha blinked. The ones in the library computer lab were smaller and all the ¡®desktop¡¯ kind, so it was easy to overlook them as just something the monitors sit on. Wow, and I guess we¡¯re still pre-USB standard? Because, I don¡¯t see a single port. That¡¯s somehow bizarre to me. ¡°If you want, I can get you online and you can play around,¡± Matthew offered. ¡°You have a Yahoo! address, or anything?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha swallowed. ¡°...No?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s make one!¡± Casey suggested, borrowing another chair from the table to position it beside the one at the computer desk. ¡°I can help you get it all set up.¡± ¡°Sure?¡± Tabitha said in a daze. Hannah followed Matthew into his bedroom as he searched for his link cable, and Mrs. Williams and Mrs. Macintire were talking over in the kitchen, and so Tabitha sat down in relative privacy with Casey at the corner desk. It was hard not to feel a rush of anticipation at being online again, and Tabitha¡¯s mind rushed from one potential username to the other as she tried to figure out what the perfect one would be to use. Surely, back as far as ninety-nine ALL of the cool names aren¡¯t already taken? Tabitha suppressed a giddy smile. My very first one was, what? KAGOME85? At Yahoo, I think? In my first year I went through like three different INU YASHA handles, because I was in my very early weeb phase. After that, it was whatever I was using for Gaia Online and Neopets? xXx underscore RELIA BRITEMAGIC underscore xXx, or something equally cringe? I mean, yeah okay I was fifteen or sixteen, but STILL¡­ ¡°So¡­¡± Casey dropped her voice to a whisper. ¡°Do you know computers? Like, from the future.¡± ¡°Yes, but¡ª¡± Tabitha surveyed the outdated-seeming machine, and couldn¡¯t help but let out a laugh. ¡°Well.¡± ¡°So, you know all the ins and outs, here?¡± Casey¡¯s look turned a little skeptical. ¡°You were uhhh. You were just looking this beauty over like you¡¯ve never seen one before.¡± ¡°The ones I was more familiar with were¡­ quite a bit more advanced?¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but wince. ¡°I¡¯m um, I¡¯m by no means an expert in retro computing, or anything! This vintage stuff.¡± ¡°Hah, oh okay, this vintage stuff,¡± Casey chuckled. ¡°Really? So, this brand new, state of the art machine is like, what¡ªlike a Ford Model T, to you?¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t go that far, exactly,¡± Tabitha said, reaching up with her good hand and trying out the mouse. ¡°Just¡ªyes, it is quite old. Look! Big mechanical keyboard, with the clicky clacky keys. Wired mouse actually attached with a cord, and¡ªlook, look at the bottom of the mouse. It has a little trackball inside, wow. Really does look like hard-boiled egg yolk. There¡¯s memes about that, you know.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Casey rested an elbow on the computer desk and put on a provoking grin. ¡°So, lemme guess, computer mouses aren¡¯t a thing in the future? Computer mice? You¡¯ll maybe have the little laptop touchpads instead, or with the red soft button mouses? Or, motion trackers? How are keyboards not mechanical in the future? Let¡¯s see, they must be¡ªwhat, holograms? Like the Doctor, in Star Trek Voyager.¡± ¡°Mechanical keyboards actually are still a thing in the future,¡± Tabitha admitted, stretching her fingers out and putting her hand over to try the keys. ¡°The whole way through the twenty-forties. Just, I don¡¯t think I¡¯d ever used one. They¡¯re supposed to be better than membrane keyboards? More responsive, last longer. I know gamers supposedly preferred mechanical keyboards.¡± ¡°And, the future version of keyboards are ¡®membrane¡¯ instead of ¡®mechanical?¡¯¡± Casey asked. ¡°Membrane like, what¡ªorganic? Bio-cybernetic, or something?¡± ¡°No, no, it¡¯s just little rubber pressure membranes, instead of the individual mechanical switches, I think?¡± Tabitha pursed her lips as she tried to remember. ¡°I know they¡¯re slimmer? The keys are, on membrane style keyboards. Definitely quieter! They don¡¯t last as long as mechanical ones though, or at least mine definitely didn¡¯t. I always got the cheapo Logitech keyboard and mouse set though, because that¡¯s what I was used to. Walmart brand. Wireless, of course¡ªjust about all of the peripherals for PCs or game consoles go wireless right away in the future. Game controllers, keyboards, mouses¡ª¡± ¡°Mice?¡± Casey giggled. ¡°¡ªHah, yes, mice, but also even little things like headphones,¡± Tabitha explained. ¡°Coming back to the nineties, it¡¯s fascinating to see everything wired! Cords everywhere, getting all tangled and everything.¡± ¡°Wireless¡­ headphones?¡± Casey frowned as she tried to picture them. ¡°Okay¡­ but. But how? Wouldn¡¯t they be heavy? ¡®Cause, they have to be powered from a battery, right?¡± ¡°Not too heavy?¡± Tabitha shrugged. ¡°Earbuds have little tiny built-in ones, and I know their charge is good for hours and hours. I think even back in the nineties here they had hearing aids, right? Same principle, I would guess.¡± ¡°Okay¡­¡± Casey gave a slow nod. ¡°I guess that makes sense. Kinda. So¡ªeverything in the future is remote control? Even game controllers?¡± ¡°Yep!¡± Tabitha decisively nodded in return. ¡°I think for me, I had to remember¡ªit was double A batteries for my mouse, and then the keyboard that went with it was always triple As.¡± ¡°Remote control speakers, too?¡± Casey gestured at the boxy pair of speakers nestled in on either side of the computer monitor. ¡°Or, no?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha frowned at the speakers in confusion. ¡°No? I don¡¯t think so. Disconnected¡­ separate speakers aren¡¯t really a huge thing, in the future? Or, if they were, they weren¡¯t for me, at least. Maybe just for audiophiles who are real particular about their surround-sound setups? Usually flatscreen TVs and monitors all have built-in speakers, so. Yeah. At least, mine did? ¡°Oh! Wait! There is one important thing about all of this future stuff that I need to warn you about!¡± Tabitha leaned in close. ¡°Printers. Home printers are a total scam. Buying replacement ink cartridges for them will cost almost more than the printer itself, and they¡¯re one of those stupid cruddy planned obsolescence things where they¡¯re designed to go dry really fast and need to be replaced. Or, some sensor will see a certain amount of time has elapsed and tell you they need replaced, whether they actually do or not! Something like that. Also, the print heads and internals will crud themselves up after just a couple uses and throw you into insane rages because yeah, no it¡¯s never ever gonna work when you really need some important document printed out. So. Don¡¯t even bother! Just expect to have to swing by a public library and pay a couple quarters, if you ever need something printed. Don¡¯t have your own printer. It¡¯s not worth it.¡± ¡°Um. Okay,¡± Casey blinked at the sudden and intense vitriol. ¡°Wow.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not worth it, please¡ªtrust me,¡± Tabitha gave Casey a serious look. ¡°Like yeah they seem nice. Why not pick up a thirty dollar printer? Well, I¡¯ll tell you why; because you¡¯ll set it up and use it the first time and everything¡¯s all dandy¡ªthen, a month later when you try to use it? Nyeeeh! No can do, it¡¯s gonna tell you to buy a new cartridge of black. How much will that run? Like, twenty nine ninety-nine. And it¡¯ll be good and last¡­ until you need to next use the printer. If you¡¯re lucky. Odds are some other random error will pop up and yeah, good luck with that.¡± ¡°Okaaaay,¡± Casey chuckled. ¡°And, you said the mouse having a trackball is ¡®old-fashioned?¡¯¡± ¡°Yes! Definitely,¡± Tabitha confirmed. ¡°In the near future, those will all change to a laser sensor of some kind. Mousepads like this somewhat aren¡¯t always needed, either. I mean, some people still use them I guess, but I didn¡¯t. My mouse tracked just fine from using it on my bare desk. Or if I was like standing, as in I¡¯d just walked over towards my desk to check something real quick, instead of hunching over to use the mouse on the surface there, I could just¡ªpick the mouse up, and use it on my thigh here like this, it would track all the same just from the laser being able to pick up the texture of my pant leg.¡± ¡°So, again¡ªto you, all of this is super outdated tech,¡± Casey gestured across the whole desk. ¡°Or, so you claim!¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°All of this here was stuff from uh, from before ¡®my time.¡¯ My first computer I got used to was in um, I think it was junior year Business Technology. Maybe it was senior year? First learning to type, and how to format documents, and whatnot. Even that was on Windows XP! I adored Windows XP. This is, uhh. Looks like Windows ¡®98? I¡¯ve never used it before.¡± ¡°Got it,¡± Casey nodded. ¡°So, in the future it¡¯s Windows X-P, instead of Windows by whatever the year it is.¡± ¡°God, I wish,¡± Tabitha made a disgusted face. ¡°No, after XP it was Windows Vista, which I hated. Then after that, I was on Windows 7 for a long, long time, before I finally had to upgrade to Windows 11. After that I was just on Android, which is a whole different bag of cats.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t make¡­ a ton of sense?¡± Casey tried to follow along. ¡°So it¡¯s 98, XP, Vista, and then Windows 7 and then Windows 11?¡± ¡°Ummm¡ª¡± Tabitha wracked her brains to try to remember. ¡°For me? Yes. I do think there were other versions in between, but just, I never got some of those. Windows 2000? That was a thing, I think? Or ¡®Millenium Edition,¡¯ or something like that. I know there was a Windows 10, but I never had it¡ªI kept using Windows 7 throughout that period. So, yeah. Honestly? I wish I could¡¯ve stuck with XP instead of having to switch to Vista, but my one computer just¡­ crapped out on me.¡± ¡°How far into the future are we talking, here?¡± Casey asked, idly fiddling with her bangs. ¡°And¡ªwhat was this about an android?!¡± ¡°Android was just the name of the operating system, sadly,¡± Tabitha giggled. ¡°It wasn¡¯t like an actual humanoid robot, or C-3PO, or anything like that. It wasn¡¯t even a popular OS¡ªmy friend Julie was always ragging on me for it. She was team iPhone. It¡¯s uh, it¡¯s a super stupid cultural thing.¡± ¡°How far into the future is this?¡± Casey asked again. ¡°Oh, not far at all¡ªwell, early to mid two-thousands, maybe?¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯ll see iPhones for a while yet, but iPods should come out either this year or next, and then Apple products in general will be huge, soon. All of that¡¯s eventually leading into phones, though. Smartphones. Personal computers like this kind of fell out of vogue, once smartphones could do everything they could. Like I was a writer, so yeah I did still buy a mouse and keyboard, but instead of a PC, the actual processing was done by my phone, and instead of a big monitor like this, everything just linked up to my wall TV automatically. Bluetooth, it¡¯s um, I guess you¡¯d call it a specialized kind of wireless connectivity? Common and convenient.¡± ¡°Are holograms ever a thing?¡± Casey asked. ¡°To me, that¡¯s like¡ªholograms are what I consider futuristic.¡± ¡°They are, yes,¡± Tabitha nodded. ¡°They start off as pseudo-holograms, like um, like 3D screens you don¡¯t need glasses for. Then there were projectors, but they were that sort of tech demo expensive things only for rich people. When they started making them cheap enough to put everywhere, the graphical fidelity actually dropped a ton, so it was all super simplified colors and shapes. Eventually over each iteration they got better and better?¡± ¡°So¡ªare there holodecks?!¡± Casey demanded. ¡°Like, in Star Trek.¡± ¡°Mmmmnn¡ªsorta,¡± Tabitha made a face. ¡°Kinda, sorta. I know Disney world had a big attraction that was all about the super-advanced ¡®photoreal¡¯ holograms, but. I never went, too pricey. Or, maybe it was Epcot? It looked neat, from the advertisements? No idea how much of that was just exaggeration or hyperbole for promotional purposes. Sometimes in movies you¡¯d see like, the super wealthy bazillionaires with their own high-resolution hologram suites, but I think most of that was made-up, too. Fiction.¡± ¡°But, they really do happen in the future?¡± Casey asked. ¡°Like lifelike¡­ hologram virtual reality?¡± ¡°Yes, but with the caveat being that it only works like that in extremely specific conditions?¡± Tabitha smiled. ¡°The thing with holograms is, they project light. One of the big important parts of high fidelity images¡­ is darkness, which holograms can¡¯t create. At all. True blacks and all that, even a lot of the hi-res TVs and monitors struggled with that, and I think only those stupid expensive OLED ones pulled it off. I think. I¡¯m not a resolution snob! Human eyes can¡¯t see in 16K in the first place! Total scam. ¡°Now holograms, they can get better and better about light not refracting and bleeding over into parts that are supposed to be dark, but¡­ yeah, it¡¯s never perfect. You can always tell. There¡¯s always some level of bleed, and compensating by just making the defined light brighter just starts to oversaturate the projections. That¡¯s always one of the easy tells as to if something is a hologram or not, the searing brights, the oversaturation.¡± ¡°Huh,¡± Casey responded. ¡°Guess that¡¯s neat to think about?¡± ¡°It¡¯s um¡ª¡± Tabitha felt heat rush to her face in a blush. ¡°It¡¯s actually kinda crazy that you believe me. About any of this! I guess I¡¯ve been uh, basically been rambling for a little while?¡± ¡°Wellll¡ª¡± Casey gave her a smile and propped up one elbow on the backrest of her chair while she brushed back her own bangs and ran fingers through her hair. ¡°I guess that¡­ yeah, nah? I don¡¯t really believe it.¡± ¡°You¡­ don¡¯t?¡± Tabitha froze. ¡°So yeah, here¡¯s the thing,¡± Casey hurried to clarify. ¡°S¡¯not like I don¡¯t like talking to you, or going on about all this, or¡ªyeah. Just. I¡¯m two years older than you, I¡¯ve been around the block. The future stuff, it is fun to talk about. Entertaining! But¡­¡± Casey made eye contact with Tabitha and held it for a long moment, eventually pursing her lips as if deciding something to herself. ¡°But, listen, Tabitha. You don¡¯t need it,¡± Casey said. ¡°Not really. The whole future thing. You¡¯ve, yeah you¡¯ve clearly put a lot of thought into things, and that¡¯s really cool! Just, I uh, I worry that? Well, I think that. You know. You come from a uh, a poor background, you really want people to like you. When you get all into interesting stories, like the future stuff¡ªit¡¯s like suddenly for once, people are actually listening to you. And that¡¯s addictive. I just, like I worry that you might get yourself too into it and let it get into like, obsession territory?¡± Tabitha was now blushing so furiously that it was a struggle not to turn away or hide her face. ¡°Hey, hey¡ªit¡¯s totally cool!¡± Casey assured her. ¡°I really do get it. It¡¯s like¡ªyeah, with Alicia. She loves all this stuff. She was telling me the other day in Art Club, uhh about how malls are all gonna go out of business because of web stores, about how in the future everyone¡¯s crazy about yoga, or something. That¡ª¡± ¡°Just yoga pants, not really yoga itself, per se,¡± Tabitha laughed, dropping her face into her palm. ¡°The style of¡­ athletic stretchwear in general. I mean¡­¡± ¡°Okay, cool,¡± Casey nodded quickly. ¡°Cool! I mean that. And like¡ªyou I think, you really latched on to this, ¡®cause for once maybe it felt like people were listening to what you had to say. For Alicia, she¡¯s the same way. She was telling me how, because she¡¯s from Fairfield middle and didn¡¯t know anyone, and because she¡¯s black, her first few days here at school, no one would give her the time of day. No one would really just come up and talk to her. You were the first one to take that initiative and try reaching out to her about something, and so¡­ basically whether or not she really believes you about the future stuff, she¡¯s gonna believe you. You know?¡± ¡°Oh my God,¡± Tabitha sighed in total embarrassment, scrunching her eyes closed. ¡°It¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Okay well what I mean to say, is, that you don¡¯t need the future stuff story,¡± Casey explained. ¡°You¡¯re cool just the way you are, you don¡¯t need to uhh, to be ¡®special,¡¯ or have something interesting unique thing about you, for people to like you. You¡¯re cool; people can just like you for you. I like you! I just worry, like now with you and the whole cheerleader thing, that you have this like¡­ subconscious compulsion? That you¡¯re trying really really hard to be this certain way you imagine you need to be, instead of, I guess just learning to be yourself? Sorry, shit, I¡¯m really bad at this.¡± ¡°No, no¡ªI¡ª¡± Tabitha let out a small laugh. ¡°I just¡ª¡± ¡°No, for real, I was the same way when I was your age!¡± Casey assured her. ¡°Hell, maybe I was even worse. Probably way worse. Just, yeah. For me, it was, uhh, well back then the Art Club had all these cool seniors who were like these badass punks, I really really wanted to be cool with them. I tried so hard! Looking back now, it¡¯s funny. I got super into trying to draw my little Cinnabun comics, even though they suck. Now, here I am basically in their position, running the Art Club show, except I¡¯m still just this random dorky me. You know? ¡°Anyways,¡± Casey cleared her throat and tried to quickly change the subject. ¡°Like I said, the future is really rad, and that you put so much thought into all of it¡ªalso really rad. It¡¯s awesome. I mean that. Okay? Just, I hope you won¡¯t completely obsess over it or let all that get in the way of, like, the here and now. If that makes sense? Long have I watched this one, as she LOOKED AWAY. To the future. To the horizon. Never her mind on WHERE SHE WAS. HMM! WHAT SHE WAS DOING!¡± They both broke into a small fit of giggles at Casey¡¯s Yoda impression¡ªthe older girl¡¯s laughter was rather contagious. As mortifying as this surprise heart to heart was, she found there was plenty to appreciate in the perspective the girl was offering. Tabitha did maybe dwell on the future too much, and going on her long rants to vent about this or that or how things would be in the future really didn¡¯t progress things here where she was in the present. It wasn¡¯t productive, not like she wanted to imagine it was, and lingering on with gripes and complaints about a future she couldn¡¯t let go of was maybe having too much of an impact on who she was here and now. ¡°I¡­ yeah, thank you,¡± Tabitha said as her smile began to dim. ¡°I do appreciate all of that. That¡¯s¡­ something I¡¯m going to have to put more thought into. But, also¡­ Casey, what if, by some crazy chance, I really am from the future?¡± ¡°Then in that case, you tell me?¡± Casey shrugged. ¡°Because then, you¡¯d be the one with all the answers. You¡¯d be the one to have everything already figured out.¡± ¡°Hahhhh¡­¡± Tabitha let out a big sigh. ¡°I¡­ I really wish that were the case.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Casey shrugged again. ¡°But, like. I don¡¯t hate you going into all of the future life stuff, that¡¯s super cool! I¡¯m sorry I don¡¯t believe it, or that I can¡¯t believe it, just. What can I say, I don¡¯t. I¡¯m a skeptic at heart? I mean I go to church, but I don¡¯t think I really have belief there, either. Faith or whatever, not like some of the others seem to. Then I hang out with some of my super atheist friends who are all outspoken against religion, and then I¡¯m a skeptic about them NOT believing. It¡¯s weird. ¡°Maybe I¡¯m just a very contrary person? I uhh, I totally didn¡¯t mean to like, rain on your parade here, or talk down to you, or be all no, you¡¯re full of shit and everything you say is phony made-up lies, I just, I feel like you got really into the swing of this story, for a bunch of reasons, and maybe started to lose sight of why, or what got you hooked into it in the first place? I dunno! Hah. I think, look at the end of the day, what I¡¯m saying, is. You should forget about cheerleading and all that bogus trying to be cool, or stories to get people to like you stuff, and just get into art club with us! Yep. We can accept and appreciate you for who you are. Muah ha hah. This was all secretly leading into my join Art Club spiel!¡± ¡°Duly noted!¡± Tabitha grinned. ¡°I do want to also do art club. I¡¯ll try to do both, if I can. Both Alicia and Elena are important to me.¡± ¡°And¡ªjust so you know,¡± Casey paused to give Tabitha a serious look. ¡°The uhh, all the I¡¯m from the future stuff? The cheerleadery crowd isn¡¯t gonna be into that. At all.¡± ¡°The cheerleadery crowd?¡± Tabitha laughed. ¡°I, uh. Yeah. I figured! The future stuff isn¡¯t something I generally¡­ advertise, or anything. Just, it came up with a few people, and¡­ yeah. Elena is actually still really against it.¡± ¡°Okay, cool,¡± Casey nodded. ¡°I¡¯m not against it, though¡ªit¡¯s super cool to talk about. Hell, me and Matthew spend a lot of time just kinda wondering and speculating about this or that. To a uh, to a lesser extent, it¡¯s a super completely normal thing to talk about. Just, maybe not to go as far with things as you have. No offense, or anything!¡± ¡°I get it,¡± Tabitha bobbed her head in agreement. ¡°I get it.¡± ¡°You know,¡± Casey regarded Tabitha with a big grin. ¡°I was gonna ask you to like, prove it, prove you¡¯re actually good with computers and type something. But, conveniently, you can¡¯t really type while your hand¡¯s in that cast, huh. How convenient!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be able to show you soon!¡± Tabitha smiled back. ¡°If you want. Mechanical keyboard or not, I¡¯m fast. Not even boasting¡ªthat¡¯s just decades and decades of experience! Hah. I was a writer, and even more than that, I was a forever online loser, who spent a lot of her free time chatting with people.¡± ¡°So, I take it your family has a computer?¡± Casey looked at her with interest. ¡°¡®Cause, if you do have Yahoo! Messenger already, you should add us. I¡¯m Cinnabun underscore nineteen-eighty-two. Can you believe it? The name ¡®Cinnabun¡¯ just by itself was already taken. Now there¡¯s some bullshit.¡± ¡°The Macintires I¡¯m living with don¡¯t have a computer, no,¡± Tabitha shook her head. ¡°My family in the trailer park¡ªdefinitely not. No way could they afford one.¡± ¡°So, you learned to type, you got into all the computer stuff, what, at school?¡± Casey asked. ¡°I think I remember you used to chill in the library every day at lunch, where all the computers are.¡± ¡°Hahhh¡ª¡± Tabitha let out a bitter laugh. ¡°I mean. It¡¯s the nineties, I highly doubt they have each of the dozen or so library computers hooked into some landline dial-up connection. I think those are all hooked into a little local network with some games and educational resource stuff.¡± ¡°Uhhh¡ªno?¡± Casey gave her a strange look. ¡°The school has hi-speed internet. Like, not just our school, all school districts do. Kentucky¡¯s the very first state to have hi-speed internet for every school district. Since back in ninety-five, I think. It was a huge deal? That¡¯s where I got started on the net with everything, my parents didn¡¯t even get a home computer ¡®til last year.¡± ¡°Haha, what?¡± Tabitha stared at Casey in disbelief. ¡°That¡¯s¡ªno way.¡± ¡°Yeah way,¡± Casey arched an eyebrow. ¡°You can ask Matthew.¡± That¡¯s impossible. That can¡¯t be¡ªHIGH SPEED, back in these times? So, so you mean to say, I could have been just BACK ON THE INTERNET, right away, every single day in the library?! Whenever I glanced over, none of the other kids were ever using browsers! They were all just playing Oregon Trail, and in Word documents and stuff! I, I could have been¡ª Tabitha cast a blank stare at part of the desk as the numb feeling of shock began to subside. What could she have been doing with her time? Spending all of it on the internet, like a recluse? Like last time? Would that have been better, would her second try at life have really changed and been different from the first? Would she have made time to play with her cousins, sit with her grandma at the sewing machine, or started to reconnect with her parents? Would Tabitha have put so much time into exercising or self-improvement over this past summer, if she knew she could instead ride a bike to the Springton library and spend every possible minute online? ¡°O-oh,¡± Tabitha felt so mortified that she could just curl up and die. ¡°I, hahh, I guess that um, I guess that that¡¯s a¡­ fortunate misconception? In fact, it¡¯s probably better that I didn¡¯t realize that!¡± ¡°Tabitha,¡± Casey reached up a hand and patted Tabitha on the shoulder. ¡°You¡¯re not from the future.¡± ¡°No, no I really am! I¡¯m just¡ªwell,¡± Tabitha couldn¡¯t help but give Casey a helpless smile. ¡°I¡¯m just an idiot? I-I just, I didn¡¯t realize. Being from the future doesn¡¯t mean I know everything! My first time through, I was¡ªwell, I even still am a very deeply flawed, completely normal human being! I can¡¯t remember everything!¡± ¡°Okay, Tabitha,¡± Casey gave her an exaggerated nod. ¡°Yeah. Uh-huh.¡± ¡°Maybe you¡¯ll start to believe me a little bit once Episode One comes out! Star Wars!¡± ¡°Pssh, yeah right,¡± Casey rolled her eyes. ¡°That¡¯s why I didn¡¯t believe you one bit back then in the first place! It¡¯s Star Wars, it¡¯s gonna be completely awesome. There¡¯s zero percent chance it won¡¯t be. It¡¯s Star Wars.¡± ¡°You know, It¡¯s thinking like that that led to the sequel trilogy turning into such an incoherent mess!¡± Tabitha shook her head in teasing dismay. ¡°And, the prequels? Hah! Well. You¡¯ll see. You¡¯ll see.¡± ¡°I won, I won, I WON!¡± Hannah popped into the dining room from around the corner, dancing and hopping in delight. ¡°I totally beat him. Fair! And! Square! Fair and square!¡± ¡°She totally cheated,¡± Matthew laughed, following her in to stand behind them. ¡°A Gengar? C¡¯mon, that¡¯s totally cheap.¡± ¡°It is NOT!¡± Hannah gasped. ¡°Matthew! It is not!!¡± ¡°You guys get an email set up already?¡± Matthew leaned over Casey¡¯s shoulder to see the screen. ¡°What name¡¯d you pick?¡± ¡°No, not yet,¡± Casey swatted his stomach. ¡°We were talking.¡± ¡°This whole time?¡±
Without much further ado, Tabitha input her information into the Yahoo! fields to register for an account there. While she would have preferred to open off with a Gmail account for familiarity¡¯s sake, the Gmail provider was half a decade from fruition¡ªand besides, everyone in the local circle of teenagers online seemed to favor Yahoo messenger. Asking about other messengers revealed that AIM and MSN were around, but Tabitha received only blank stares from Casey and Matthew when asking about the more obscure ICQ. For a brief period in the early ¡®aughts, Tabitha had used all of these messenger services, after which the practice fell out of vogue as everyone began texting each other directly to their flip phones or early slide phones. The username Tabitha finally decided on was Brittlestar, which had been Julie¡¯s writing moniker. The Brittlestar name and Julia B. Brittany¡¯s ¡®edgy online persona¡¯ which drove its creation would otherwise never come about in this lifetime, because Tabitha¡¯s major long-term resolution was to ensure Julie was never abused throughout her childhood. Whether that meant pre-emptively reporting her father to child services, adopting her personally, or even kidnapping her! Instead of everything she went through before, Julie is going to have a lovely childhood, where she is cared for and appreciated, Tabitha vowed. Then, at the same time, her BRITTLESTAR name will live on. I¡¯m now the only one who can carry that mantle for her! I promise I will be every bit as edgy and unapologetically cringe as you were, even if I have to launch into photoshopping all those cursed dark humor memes you had into existence myself. Well, maybe Alicia and Elena can help. Or Casey? Am I considered like a FRIEND to her, now? It¡¯s hard to tell because she¡¯s one of those social-butterfly-casual-with-everyone types. Still spectating their progress from behind their chairs, Matthew also started walking through how Tabitha could set up her own Geocities page, which was something Tabitha had tinkered with in her previous life but did not remember well at all. Getting anything online done at early-internet speeds was an excruciating exercise in patience, and watching the poor web pages struggle to slowly load in with their pathetic processing power continued to earn incredulous stares of amusement from Tabitha. Hannah, however, found all of their internet stuff incredibly boring, and before they were called to the table for dinner she managed to goad Casey into using Matthew¡¯s Gameboy for a Pokemon match. From the shock and dismay Tabitha overheard, Casey was not letting Hannah win, but thankfully the battle was interrupted by their meal before it could conclude in actual emnity. Plates of chicken alfredo steamed from each of the positions at the table, and while everyone took their seats Tabitha also observed a basket of cornbread covered in a towel, a large serving dish of mashed potatoes, and also a tray of broccoli buttered with garlic butter. One single incongruent serving at one of the center seats was instead fresh macaroni and cheese for Hannah the picky eater, and although Mrs. Williams placed ketchup there beside it, Sandra swiped the plastic condiment bottle away with a roll of her eyes and set it off to the side and out of reach. ¡°Dear Heavenly Father¡ªwe thank you for the blessings of this food, and the good company we¡¯re able to share it with today!¡± Mrs. Williams bowed her head in prayer. ¡°Thank you for sending us a little angel like Hannah to brighten our lives, and for beautiful, outstanding young women like Casey and Tabitha. Thank you for my wonderful son Matthew, and then also thank you for giving Sandra so much patience and strength! In your name we pray. Amen.¡± ¡°Amen,¡± Tabitha joined in to murmur with the others before looking up. That felt¡ªstrange, Tabitha blinked, trying to focus on giving her food an appreciative look so as not to reveal her discomfort. Are you really allowed to just¡­ CALL PEOPLE OUT, whenever you¡¯re saying grace? Is that just a thing she¡¯s used to doing, because of how involved she is with her church stuff? Maybe I¡¯m just not used to it, but it made me feel really put on the spot. She was accustomed to her father saying grace only before major meals like Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, and he always kept things short and sweet; simple. Mr. Moore had always apparently been of the mind that speaking too much in a prayer was, if not blasphemous, then at least considered irreverent or disrespectful. Seeing that Karen Williams was instead perfectly comfortable with naming names or delivering grace like it was a benediction monologue felt very strange to her, but she also couldn¡¯t really say that it was wrong. Just different, very different from what she was used to. No one else commented on it, with everyone instead grabbing their forks and digging in. Tabitha joined in, trying a little of the chicken alfredo first¡ªit was very good¡ªand then following Casey to scoop herself a serving each of garlic butter broccoli, and then mashed potatoes. This already felt like a lot of food, so Tabitha was going to use that as an excuse to opt out of the cornbread, because she had never liked the taste of cornmeal. While the main course chicken alfredo was certainly good, to her surprise the garlic butter broccoli really stole the show! If she wasn¡¯t filling up so fast, she would have immediately gone for another helping. The mashed potatoes were good but perhaps too rich, so much so that when Tabitha saw the porcelain gravy boat passed around, she declined with a small smile. Sweet Jesus! Tabitha thought. I might just be used to um, to much more SIMPLE or ah, HEALTH-CONSCIOUS fare, but it¡¯s very clear that Karen is in the NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH BUTTER camp, with her potatoes. These must be like, 1:1 butter and mashed potatoes. It tastes amazing maybe, sure, but I can almost feel my arteries sealing over! It was hard not to contrast the rather decadent broccoli and potatoes here to the much more simple green beans and potatoes Tabitha had made for the get-together last night, and Tabitha wasn¡¯t sure if she should feel proud, or if she should feel humbled. On the one hand, with Mrs. Williams¡¯ cooking, flavor certainly won out¡ªgarlic butter broccoli in particular¡ªbut then on the other hand, Tabitha couldn¡¯t even imagine serving such a rich diet like this regularly without them all immediately gaining a lot of weight. ¡°Hannah dear, how¡¯s your mac and cheese?¡± Mrs. Williams asked. ¡°I made it with extra cheese¡ªI know you always liked it with more cheese! If you¡¯re willing to try just a tiny bit with tomato slices, I can¡ª¡± ¡°Noooo~!¡± Hannah protested with a giggle. ¡°No tomatoes. That¡¯s a vegetable!¡± ¡°Tomatoes are a fruit, technically,¡± Tabitha remarked before taking another forkful of her chicken alfredo. ¡°They are?!¡± Hannah stared in disbelief. ¡°They are not,¡± Casey shook her head. ¡°Tabitha¡¯s just teasing you!¡± ¡°No, they actually are,¡± Matthew spoke up. ¡°Tomatoes? They¡¯re actually a fruit.¡± ¡°Matthew!¡± Casey gave him a gasp of teasing dismay. ¡°Don¡¯t say that. How could you say that?!¡± ¡°Er, well botanically speaking, tomatoes are a fruit¡ª¡± Tabitha clarified. ¡°But, most people consider them a vegetable, because of their flavor profile.¡± ¡°That¡¯s so interesting!¡± Mrs. Williams praised. ¡°I¡¯ll have to look that up. Hannah, if tomatoes are a fruit instead of a veggie, do you think maybe¡ª¡± ¡°Noooo!¡± Hannah cried out with a laugh. ¡°No way.¡± ¡°She means to say,¡± Sandra took a sip from her glass and then cleared her throat. ¡°No thank you, Mama Williams.¡± ¡°No, thank you!¡± Hannah chirped out at the reminder. ¡°No thank you. No tomatoes! Ever.¡± ¡°You know, ketchup is basically just tomatoes and sugar¡ª¡± Mrs. Williams started to say. ¡°¡ªNo, thank you!¡± Sandra was exasperated this time. ¡°Good Lord, the things you¡¯re teaching her. Ketchup on mac and cheese. It¡¯s just not right!¡± ¡°It¡¯s unconscionable,¡± Tabitha brought up their joke from earlier with a solemn shake of her head. ¡°Unconscionable.¡± ¡°Oh, it is not!¡± Mrs. Williams laughed. ¡°Listen, I bet if both of you would try it, you¡¯d like it. Matthew grew up with diced tomatoes in his macaroni and cheese, and he always loved it!¡± ¡°Matthew¡­¡± Casey gave her boyfriend a look of concern and reached across the table to place her hand upon his. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡± ¡°You poor, unfortunate soul,¡± Mrs. Macintire chuckled. ¡°He always loved it!¡± Mrs. Williams insisted. ¡°Matthew¡ªtell them!¡± ¡°Uhhh,¡± Matthew cast a sheepish look down at his food. ¡°No comment?¡± ¡°Matthew!¡± ¡°Now, this broccoli, though,¡± Mrs. Macintire said with a gesture of her fork. ¡°Mm-mmm-mmhh! I¡¯m not even normally a huge fan of broccoli, just¡ªwow!¡± ¡°Well, thank you,¡± Mrs. Williams said. ¡°At least I¡¯m good for something! Hah! Hannah, how about it, do you think you¡¯d maybe try¡ª¡± ¡°No broccoli¡ªI mean, no, but thank you!¡± Hannah gave an adamant shake of her head while wrinkling her nose at the prospect. ¡°Bleugh!¡± ¡°It¡¯s actually really good!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I like it a lot. Do you want to try a little tiny bit of mine?¡± Though she was only seven years old, Hannah sitting beside her managed to give Tabitha a wide-eyed look that was both extremely skeptical and even a little pitying. It was funny, because even amidst acting incredibly stubborn and childish, Hannah was still able to surprise her with the sheer depth of expression that seemed well beyond her years¡ªso long as she was expressing things in a condescending manner. Maybe those expressions simply got a lot more practice? Tabitha found herself forced to wonder if Hannah picked that up more from Officer Macintire, or more from Sandra. ¡°Hannah, here,¡± Casey said, scooping out a very tiny sprout from the larger dish in the middle of the table. ¡°You can¡¯t even taste the broccoli! It all tastes like garlic.¡± ¡°Garlic?¡± Hannah pursed her lips. ¡°Like garlic bread, you like garlic bread,¡± Mrs. Macintire prompted. ¡°Try just a little teeny piece.¡± ¡°It tastes like garlic, and everyone loves garlic,¡± Casey insisted. ¡°Here.¡± ¡°Ehhh¡ª¡± Hannah couldn¡¯t hide her grimace. ¡°Uhh¡­ I¡¯ll try a really little piece.¡± The offered piece was delivered to the side of Hannah¡¯s plate, after which the little girl then dissected the small broccoli floret even further with the edge of her fork until only a tiny thin sliver was there. Then, to the goading and encouragement of everyone at the table¡ªand only after a long, grudging look of reluctance¡ªdid Hannah finally put the miniscule portion into her mouth. She made an exaggerated face of disgust and mortification as she mechanically worked her jaw to chew, and then dropped her fork to immediately reach for her glass of water with both hands to wash the flavor away. ¡°Hannah¡­¡± Casey let out a long sigh. ¡°Wow, that bad, huh?¡± Sandra chuckled. ¡°Good Lord.¡± ¡°Oh, it is not!¡± Mrs. Williams couldn¡¯t help but laugh as well. ¡°Hannah hon, how was it? It wasn¡¯t that bad, right?¡± ¡°That was¡­ very weird tasting,¡± Hannah decided. ¡°Garlic taste should just be on garlic bread. Not broccoli.¡± ¡°What about garlic wings?!¡± Casey argued. ¡°Spicy garlic wings. Garlic chicken. Pierogies, with garlic and onion. Even mashed potatoes is best with garlic! Everything¡¯s good with garlic. Uhh, except my breath afterwards.¡± Matthew turned his face to the side to hide a snrk of laughter that spilled out. ¡°Hear, hear!¡± Mrs. Williams nodded. ¡°See, Hannah? All sorts of new things you can try.¡± ¡°Yuck,¡± Hannah shook her head in dismay. ¡°No way. No way.¡± Conversation fell into a small lull for a few long moments as everyone turned more of their attention to their food, and Tabitha found herself really enjoying this dinner get-together. There were perhaps some Pokemon matches to be had yet this evening, and she¡¯d been able to use their computer to finally set up a first email account in this lifetime. The earlier talk with Casey about the future¡­ hadn¡¯t gone quite as planned, but that was okay, too. It gave Tabitha a lot to think about, and she really felt like she was coming to terms with people not believing her. She had spoken up about things enough that later on when everyone encountered all sorts of evidence, that Tabitha wouldn¡¯t feel as though she¡¯d been keeping secrets or hiding things from everyone she was close with all this time. ¡°So,¡± Matthew spoke up, quickly wiping his mouth with a napkin. ¡°I was real curious¡ªwhat are you guys doing about that whole towel thing? At school.¡± Tabitha accidentally dropped her fork with a clatter, and used her good hand to hide her face, utterly mortified. ¡°Towel thing?¡± Sandra asked. ¡°What do you mean, towel thing?¡± Matthew, you¡ªyou¡ªyou jerkface! I thought we agreed to NOT bring this up! Tabitha found her cheeks burning all over again. Didn¡¯t we? Or¡ªwait. I guess I didn¡¯t really ever let him finish his question back then¡­ he was maybe wanting to ask about the TABITHA STEALING MICHAEL FROM OLIVIA rumor and what that was all about, when I was thinking this was about the stupid cheerleaders being petty about the towel. ¡°Um¡­¡± It was humiliating that today there was just so much drama swirling around her that she would have had to ask him and identify which thing at school he might even be referring to. Some naive part of her had hoped that putting herself to the forefront and making sure to be social and extroverted as possible and communicate with everyone at high school would mean that absurd gossip like the Michael thing was a thing of the past. After all, that one was just completely made up¡ªand the events at that birthday get-together didn¡¯t happen in some isolated vacuum, they happened at a movie theater and then skating rink where nine other teenagers, all of whom attended Springton High together, were present as witnesses. Casey and Matthew, Michael and Olivia, Alicia and Elena, Clarissa and Ashley and then Bobby. So¡ªHOW is some stupid freaking NOT TRUE thing about Michael and I even able to get any traction?! Tabitha fumed. Okay, okay. Calm down, everyone¡¯s staring. He didn¡¯t ask about THAT. He asked about the towel thing. THE TOWEL THING. ¡°Well¡ª¡± Tabitha tried to begin. ¡°Some girls at school, they took her towel from her,¡± Hannah explained. ¡°Then, she had a big fight with them.¡± ¡°It-it wasn¡¯t a fight!¡± Tabitha quickly clarified, feeling her anxiety rise up. Damn it, that¡¯s what I get for hesitating so long and not answering them right away! I DID talk about this with Hannah, earlier, so she¡¯s already aware. UGH. ¡°Well¡ªsome cheerleader girls took my towel,¡± Tabitha explained with a wince. ¡°Not like, from me directly, they pulled it down off of um, off from where it hangs up in the girls locker room. In the class after mine. There¡¯s a clothesline sorta¡­ thing there. But! Some other girl, uh, saw that happening, and¡ªthis was in some other class period after when I have Personal Fitness¡ªand this other girl apparently reported it to Coach Baylor. Then, Coach Baylor went through and tracked down the uh, the guilty parties, and got the towel back. The Coca Cola Polar Bear one Hannah and I picked out. Then, she took it home and washed it, just in case. Which was very thoughtful. And uh, she brought it in this morning and told me. So¡ªso, all of the stealing, well uh towel taking happened yesterday, I guess.¡± As it turns out, feeling rushed into providing an explanation under the expectant gazes of a table full of people here made Tabitha¡¯s words come out in a babbling and near incoherent mess, and it was hard not to slump down in her seat and hide her face. Mrs. Williams¡¯ plump features were stirring in growing outrage as she listened, Casey was looking on with interest, and Mrs. Macintire sat up straight as a rather cold look filled her eyes. ¡°You have got to be kidding me,¡± Mrs. Macintire finally said. ¡°These girls are after you again? Still After everything? After¡ª¡± ¡°Well they just need to be expelled!¡± Mrs. Williams huffed. ¡°If this isn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Espelled!¡± Hannah agreed, giving a decisive nod as she poked at her macaroni and cheese. ¡°That¡¯s what I said.¡± ¡°Wow,¡± Casey blinked. ¡°I hadn¡¯t even heard that part. I just heard about you fighting with cheerleaders in the quad at lunch.¡± ¡°She, she what?!¡± Mrs. Macintire demanded. ¡°So, there was a fight?!¡± ¡°No! We, we¡ªwe weren¡¯t fighting,¡± Tabitha grimaced. ¡°Not like¡ªit was just a confrontation. It was tense and um, and okay, unfriendly, but it wasn¡¯t like a fight.¡± ¡°I heard it was ¡®cause Tabitha was all of the sudden wearing a cheer jacket,¡± Casey added. ¡°Like, that really set them off. The one girl in my class was absolutely livid.¡± ¡°No, I uh¡ª¡± Tabitha said. ¡°What happened, was. I forgot to grab my coat today, before school, so I just had on my one hoodie instead of two layers. So uh, so when Coach Baylor pulls me aside to give me back the towel and explain everything all that happened, she notices and uh. Offers to lend me a cheer jacket. Lend, like temporarily borrow, since well she just has this whole bunch of them there, sitting in a box. It¡¯s the same as Casey having a box of art club shirts! It wasn¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°No way, I would never just lend one out,¡± Casey gave a chuckle. ¡°Are you kidding me? Those things are twenty bucks a pop!¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t like¡ªwait a minute,¡± Tabitha¡¯s eyes narrowed. ¡°Have you been bumping the price up every time you mention them to me?¡± ¡°Oh now she notices,¡± Matthew broke into laughter as Casey wore a triumphant grin. ¡°She got the whole way up to thirty with Mark, ¡®fore he realized and called her out on it. I mean c¡¯mon, thirty?¡± ¡°Matthew, shh,¡± Mrs. Williams waved a hand at him in exasperation. ¡°So Tabitha, these cheerleader girls were cross at you because you were wearing one of their jackets, and took your towel? Or, this happened the other way around?¡± ¡°Um,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°The other way around. I, I don¡¯t really know why they took my towel in the first place. It¡¯s so silly Who does that. Or, who even made a big deal over it or told them it was mine¡ªin first period there, quite a few of us put towels up already. Well, some of us did, at least. There were a bunch hanging there.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t understand,¡± Mrs. Macintire said. ¡°So, first they try to take your things, then they come and pick a fight with you about it?¡± ¡°They said that they intended to come over and apologize,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°And so I was like, okay, can¡¯t wait for you to actually do that. Rather than just intend to. And¡ªI was, I don¡¯t know, I woke up wrong and was just having a bad day, and I was being a little petty? If¡ª¡± ¡°You have every right to be ¡®petty¡¯ with them!¡± Mrs. Williams was aghast. ¡°They¡¯re the ones in the wrong¡ªthey need to be suspended, at the very least!¡± ¡°All of this bullying needs to stop,¡± Mrs. Macintire agreed, crossing her arms. ¡°Period.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not all that big a deal, this time,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°I need to¡ªwell, I want to try being able to handle these things on my own. Since they¡¯re apparently going to keep happening anyway. I¡¯m trying to learn to be more social and outgoing.¡± ¡°Yeah, but¡ª¡± Matthew gave her a pointed look as if to indicate he wasn¡¯t going to bring up the Michael thing but that it was pertinent to all of this. ¡°Yeah,¡± Casey caught on to his meaning right away and nodded. ¡°If they¡¯re all still also gonna be just making up lies about you and spreading them around¡ªthis all isn¡¯t something you should try to brush off? Right?¡± ¡°What is it this time?¡± Mrs. Williams scowled. ¡°Last time it was, what? Fooling around with a teacher? Or that Tabitha was after Matthew? That she was somehow hoodwinking all of the police in Springton about the whole shooting thing and didn¡¯t really help?! Hello, my husband was freaking the first responder there! He told me himself how Tabitha didn¡¯t want to move her hands there, because she didn¡¯t want to remove pressure and risk him bleeding out! She¡¯s an angel!¡± Hannah looked baffled by all of these things, while Mrs. Macintire seemed to be gritting her teeth. The woman made a show of uncrossing her arms and returning to her meal so as not to seem too bothered, but instead her knuckles went white as her fingers tightened around her silverware. Tabitha quickly looked away, feeling guilty and touched and out of sorts all at once. ¡°Yeah, back then all the stuff going around was crazy,¡± Matthew said. ¡°There were people saying she was uh, sleeping around with everyone, I heard some of the sophomore girls say Tabitha was talking bad about Chris Thompson and that she brought all that on herself.¡± ¡°Well, yeah all that and that I got liposuction,¡± Tabitha forced a smile. ¡°That I¡¯m trailer trash from the trailer park, that I was Tubby Tabby and used to be real fat. Those ones are true, at least? ¡°It¡¯s unbelievable!¡± Mrs. Williams couldn¡¯t help but vent her anger by slapping a hand against the table. ¡°Why is it there¡¯s all this baloney going around about Tabitha, and only Tabitha?! This is ridiculous!¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not just me!¡± Tabitha said. ¡°Elena has been getting it bad, too. Because of her¡ªher change in style. Which shouldn¡¯t even be any kind of big deal, it¡¯s not like her choosing to dress a little differently is hurting anyone! Makes me so mad. She stood up for me today.¡± Literally stood up for me¡ªElena stood up at the table, and everyone went super quiet like we were all about to actually fight, Tabitha remembered. No idea what I¡¯d have done if things escalated and got physical. Would I have been able to intervene and stop them? I was just SO MAD back there that I¡¯d have probably started throwing swings at those girls myself. ¡°It¡¯s ¡®cause word is that Elena¡¯s gonna try out for cheer,¡± Casey explained with a heavy sigh. ¡°Which would have been just fine a few months back, when she was blonde and bubbly and with the in-crowd. But, now that she¡¯s gothic and at odds with the preppies? Whoo-boy.¡± ¡°I think that¡¯s what most of this is about,¡± Matthew nodded his head in support. ¡°It¡¯s uh, it¡¯s less everyone ganging up on Tabby like it was before, and now it¡¯s more that the cheerleader girls are super fussy ¡®bout Elena and Tabitha maybe moving in on their turf, or whatever.¡± ¡°It¡¯s ridiculous!¡± Mrs. Williams remained aghast. ¡°Absolutely ridiculous that they¡¯re being like that. I mean, I was a cheerleader, we were always so nice and welcoming back then! To everyone! We even¡ªSandra don¡¯t give me that look! I was a lot skinnier back when I was in high school! Humph!¡± ¡°It¡¯s all just¡­ overblown and dramatic and senseless,¡± Tabitha sighed. ¡°I want it to be over with. I should have been more mature today and not quibbled with them, just. I was being petty, I had a bad day. Now I have to live with the consequences of that, or maybe apologize, or¡­ I don¡¯t even know.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have anything to apologize to them for,¡± Mrs. Macintire said in a somber tone. ¡°At all. I think as your guardian, I should at least be in touch with whoever there at school¡¯s doing something about this¡ªyou said this was one of the coaches?¡± ¡°Coach Baylor,¡± Tabitha confirmed. ¡°She¡¯s on top of everything, though. She¡¯s very nice.¡± ¡°Eh,¡± Casey gave them a slight scowl. ¡°She¡¯s in charge of the cheerleaders, though. Those are like, her girls.¡± ¡°She¡¯s been extremely professional,¡± Tabitha said. ¡°She hasn¡¯t taken their side at all. In fact, until everything between us is resolved, Coach Baylor said those girls won¡¯t be participating in cheer stuff.¡± ¡°Good,¡± Mrs. Williams harumphed. ¡°Hopefully at least written up, too. If not suspended.¡± ¡°Espelled,¡± Hannah joined in. ¡°Expelled,¡± Tabitha finally corrected with a soft smile. ¡°That¡¯s what I said,¡± Hannah frowned. ¡°Expelled.¡± ¡°What I think, is that Tabitha and Elena both should just¡ªwash their hands of all the stupid phoney cheerleady stuff,¡± Casey grumbled. ¡°I mean. Just say the word, Tabitha. For twenty-five bucks, we¡¯ll get you an art-club shirt and get you on our side. I actually brought one if you¡¯re interested, it¡¯s out in the Jimmy¡±