《The Dao of Eros》 Prologue: Leviathan ¡°Have you ever heard the saying ¡®If you stay a virgin for thirty years, you can become a wizard?¡¯ Well, I only made it to twenty, so I guess I¡¯ll just have to give up my dreams of having magical powers. Unfortunately, no, I didn¡¯t have sex with anyone¡­ I died. ¡°Yep, totally dead, without any hope of being resurrected. It wasn¡¯t even a ¡®cool¡¯ death, like saving someone from getting hit by a truck, or getting shot while protecting a lover. Nope, just had a bit of bad luck¡­ ¡°Okay, there are plenty of people out there who shave their testicles, it¡¯s completely normal. Although, when you¡¯re using scissors to just do a bit of ¡®trimming¡¯ out of laziness, I recommend that you be really fucking careful. ¡°I was in my bathroom, which was on the second floor of my townhouse and was barely even awake. Now, there are many occasions when I accidentally pinched or cut my scrotum a little bit, but that¡¯s pretty standard. On that particular day though, I wasn¡¯t expecting there to be an earthquake¡­ Actually, it was the first time that I had ever even experienced one before. Unfortunately, it was also the last. I¡¯m still trying to block out the thirty minutes of horrible agony, when the building collapsed and I was bleeding to death from castrating myself. ¡°So now, I¡¯m really not sure what I¡¯m supposed to be doing with my life. Well, it¡¯s not like I had any amazing plans before now, but I would have preferred a bit more time. Like I mentioned before, I¡¯m a twenty year old virgin. I haven¡¯t even had sex yet! I¡¯ve never even tried out a pocket-pussy!¡± I was floating aimlessly through some sort of empty void and talking to myself, because I guess that¡¯s just what happens after you die with loads of regrets or unfulfilled desires? ¡°Shouldn¡¯t there be some kinda Heaven right about now? I mean, I wasn¡¯t a saint, but I was still ¡®pure¡¯, right?! I figured that the best thing about dying a virgin would be that I would receive some extra benefits in the afterlife! Is it true that I was a decade too young to become a wizard?! I should at least have gotten to be a regular mage! I¡¯d settle for a perverted ghost who can possess people while they¡¯re having sex! Is that really too much to ask for?!¡± It had been a while and I ¡®may¡¯ have been losing what was left of my sanity. ¡°No! I refuse to spend eternity in this shitty fucking hellhole of nothingness! I¡¯d rather be in Hell, tormented by beautiful demons! Ravished by sexy succubi! Anally raped by a goddamn porcupine-monster than this meaningless emptiness!¡± I would like to point out that I was being sarcastic with that last remark¡­ Time was weird in that place. I couldn¡¯t tell if it had been thousands of years or like, five minutes. Fortunately, I did eventually start to see some ¡®stuff¡¯. Honestly, it was more like garbage than anything else. ¡°Holy shit! What the fucking fuck is that?!¡± Okay, so I may have been a little surprised when I saw an endless amount of these ¡®bubbles¡¯. There were all sorts of different colors and sizes, though I had a hard time telling how big anything was, since I didn¡¯t think even had a physical body at the time. ¡°Ah~! Shit-shit-shit-shit~!¡± As I crashed into the side of a bright-blue barrier, the sensation reminded me of that one time, when I chopped my balls off¡­ Yeah, it wasn¡¯t a particularly enjoyable experience. I could easily see through those transparent barriers, though like I said, they were tinted various colors. Within the one that I was being pulled towards, there were dozens of gigantic scales, beaks, bones and even lots of raw meat from some kind of animal that had purple blood. After feeling horrible agony for what seemed like an hour, I guess, I finally slid off the side of that bubble. Then I was still floating around aimlessly, without any way to control my movements, but at least I had a bunch of things to look at? ¡°Ugh, is it possible to get motion-sickness if you don¡¯t have a stomach, or inner-ears?¡± Obviously, I was just being a little overdramatic. However, there really was a sense of ¡®nausea¡¯ as I drifted past the endless amounts of random stuff. Some of those bubbles were tiny and only had a few pieces of jewelry in them, while others were so enormous, they actually contained entire planets. One of them had something that looked like the Solar System where I was originally from. ¡°I have the weirdest ghost boner right now¡­¡± A few of the strange orbs contained entirely intact corpses. There was everything from humans to giant lizard-people and sometimes, they were totally naked. ¡°Damn it! It¡¯s not necrophilia if I¡¯m dead too, right?! No~, stop moving~! Fuck! Why can¡¯t I just stay a little longer~?!¡± Even if I didn¡¯t have a dick, I still ¡®felt¡¯ horny every time I saw a vagina, asshole or even breasts at that point. It wasn¡¯t so bad when I could watch some porn and masturbate, but being in a state where I had the mental sensation, yet no way to relieve it¡­ I may have started to lose my mind a bit more. You may be wondering ¡°If you¡¯re such a pervert, then how did you manage to remain a virgin for twenty years?!¡± Well, the answer to that question is quite simple¡­ I never really left my house very often. When I was in High School I had braces, horrible acne and plenty of self-esteem problems that made me feel like I was always ¡®hideous¡¯. I was in pretty good shape too, it¡¯s just that no matter what I did, I couldn¡¯t get rid of my cystic acne. As I got older, I did eventually get my teeth straightened out properly and I was probably relatively attractive. There was this one time when I had a short internet-relationship, where me and my ¡®Guild Master¡¯ sexted a lot. We even used to have webcam sex and share videos of each other masturbating¡­ Unfortunately, she had a long-time boyfriend and she lived about three-thousand miles away from me, so that was about as far as our little ¡®affair¡¯ ever went. Besides, she was also doing the same shit with like three other guildies and it created a bunch of drama. The point is that I was only twenty years old! I thought that I would have lots of time to find a ¡®real¡¯ girlfriend, maybe get married one day, have kids¡­ or at least try out a goddamn robotic fuck-toy! But no, I had to die a pathetic virgin from cutting my own balls off! As I was wallowing in ample quantities of self-pity and dejection, I saw something floating towards me in the distance. It looked like a really old Asian guy, wearing one of those golden Chinese man-dresses. He was constantly flipping around and seemed totally unable to control his body, yelling ¡°This is bullshit! Grah~! Fuck your mother! Fuck your ancestors! Fuck your grandmother¡¯s grandfather¡¯s ghost! You shitty cocksuckers are gonna pay for this one day~! Do you really think that the great I, Legendary Celestial-God Cao Nima, will accept such an outrageous fate?! Ow~!¡± ¡°Hey, watch where you¡¯re flying, you ugly bastard!¡± He slammed headfirst into what ¡®seemed¡¯ like my face, since it was the place where my vision stemmed from. Thus, I was able to get a clear view of every wrinkle, nose-hair and gross skin-tag on that dude¡¯s face. He appeared to be stunned and confused for a while, as he blankly stared at ¡®me¡¯. Those brown irises suddenly glowed bright-pink for a moment, as he quickly bowed and begged ¡°This humble Legendary Primal-God, Cao Nima, pays his respects to senior! Please forgive this one for his foul language and rude behaviour earlier!¡± I grumbled ¡°Fuck my non-existent life! I¡¯ve been floating around in this void for so long and the first person I meet is a disgusting old man with dementia!¡± His face turned beet-red, as he actually spat out a mouthful of blood. It was really gross and I wanted to avoid the crimson vomit, but it splattered all over my ¡®eyes¡¯, clouding my vision temporarily. He immediately bowed again and complained ¡°Exalted Senior, please quell your anger! It was not my intention to disrespect you, so please spare this insignificant Legendary Primal-God, Cao Nima!¡± ¡°Why do you keep saying that?! What is wrong with your brain?! Do you think I have Alzheimers?! Stop repeating your name and title every five seconds! Grah~! Actually, I have no idea how much time it¡¯s been!¡± After screaming like a lunatic for a bit, I finally started to calm down and asked ¡°Wait, wait, even if you do seem super-unreliable¡­ Do you know where this hellish void is? Like, you¡¯re old as shit, so you probably know some stuff, right? Also, don¡¯t call me ¡®Senior¡¯, it¡¯s really weird. I¡¯m only twenty years old, or at least I was before I died¡­ Who knows how long I¡¯ve been in floating around for?¡± That guy kept staring at me as if I was some kind of monster that was about to devour his soul, or something like that. It took him a while to stop trembling and cautiously answer ¡°Perhaps Senior, ah~, I mean, Your Omnipotence! Perhaps the world you descended from was different from where I was¡­ um, ¡®banished¡¯ from. We call this place The Chaotic Void. It is a place where even Legendary Primal-Gods like myself, Cao Nima, would never willingly enter. I fear that without some sort of¡­ ¡®intervention¡¯, my insignificant life will soon vanish into oblivion. Even my Divine Spirit seems to be on the brink of being torn asunder! In the time it takes to brew a cup of tea, I will surely perish!¡± Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. I sighed dramatically, ¡°So what exactly did you do to get ¡®banished¡¯ anyway? Ah, my name is Levi Ares by the way, though my friends call me Leviathan, the God of War! Hahahaha~, I¡¯m just kidding, I don¡¯t actually have any friends.¡± He grimaced, as the veins in his eyes burst open and blood started oozing out of every orifice on his head. Even while enduring all of that, he still managed to roar ¡°It was those motherfucking Righteous Seraphim assholes! They couldn¡¯t defeat me, even with every expert in their entire Sect, so they tricked me into falling into The Chaotic Void! I swear that even if I need to go through ten-thousand cycles of reincarnation, I shall rape every angelic whore in that entire heaven-damned sect!¡± Almost the moment he finished screaming his lungs out, his entire body exploded into millions of tiny frozen crimson crystals. They flew off in every direction and a decent amount of them smacked into my eyes and face. I unconsciously growled ¡°Ow~, fuck, shit! Ew~! Wait a second, if I¡¯m a ghost then why the hell are these gross old-man bits able to touch me?!¡± At that moment, in the wake of his spontaneous detonation, a gigantic bubble appeared. Unlike the other few that I had smacked into, this particular barrier didn¡¯t try to push me out. Instead, it actually seemed to suck me inside pretty forcefully... ¡°Woah~, this¡­ what the fuck am I even looking at right now?!¡± There was an entire planet below me, which was totally pink. Clouds of purple smog wafted around in the atmosphere and there were several small moons that orbited the enormous gas giant. However, once I was inside, I was actually able to control where I went to a certain extent. I casually floated around the planet several times, but quickly realized that it was actually rather small compared to ¡®myself¡¯. At least, I started to realize that I did have a physical form and it seemed absurdly large. As one of those moons approached, I yelled ¡°Holy cunt-sandwiches! I¡¯m a motherfucking durgon?!¡± Yes, I know that the proper word is dragon, but I say it differently sometimes. That planetoid had a metallic surface that was as reflective as a mirror and one of its sides was really flat, so I was able to get a decent look at myself. Now, I appeared a lot more like a generic green garden snake, with glowing red eyes. It would have been so much cooler if I had lots of awesome horns, some arms and legs, maybe wings¡­ Unfortunately, I wasn¡¯t quite that lucky. Anyway, while being a giant monster is fun and all, there are some really major drawbacks. For example, I¡¯m pretty sure that I didn¡¯t have a dick or a pussy. Even if I wanted to slither up inside of some girl¡¯s ass, I would first need to find one that was gargantuan enough for me to fit! More importantly, I don¡¯t think that it would even feel that great for me! No, it would actually be really nasty. There was a mansion on one of the planetoids that looked habitable. Green grass, some lakes of crystal-clear water, normal-ish trees, other various herbs and stuff. Overall, it was a pretty decent-looking place. I could see a bunch of really tiny corpses of beautiful human women sprawled out all over that courtyard. They didn¡¯t seem like they were killed in a battle, but they were all bleeding from the eyes, nostrils, ears, mouth and just about every other orifice on their little bodies. Now, in retrospect, I really wish I had figured out a way to grab that whole house and everything else. There was a shitload of treasure inside of it, but I¡¯m not a fucking fortune teller, so how could I possibly have known what was going to happen in the future? At the time, I was a giant dragon, so everything just seemed like toys to me. I couldn¡¯t even feel any sort of impressive or oppressive aura from¡­ anything. It was as if I were an indestructible, invincible, overpowered godlike being of awesomeness. After gazing longingly at the tiny mostly-naked corpses, for a few rotations of that moon around the gas giant, I finally lost interest. Then I suddenly heard a deep voice echoing from within that massive planet. It whispered ¡°Everyone has desires¡­ Instinctive urges¡­ The Seven Heavens and Hells are filled with both righteousness and corruption¡­ All must follow a path, whether it leads to damnation or salvation... What do you seek? What do you crave more than anything else? To achieve anything, you must first possess the power¡­ Once you have enough power, then you can alter fate, change destiny, break free of Karma¡¯s grasp and create your own laws¡­ The weak can only be devoured, raped and enslaved by the strong¡­ That is the Eternal Dao of Domination.¡± I floated over and poked my face into the side of the gigantic ball of purple gas and submerged my face into the creamy pink surface. Oddly enough, it was totally hollow and there was just a blank white room inside. ¡°What the fuck?! I¡¯m back in a human body again!¡± When I looked down at my genitals, and the other less important things, I noticed that I seemed pretty similar to what I remember about my non-serpentine self. Pale skin, moderately muscular, hairy and my testicles hadn¡¯t been removed. The moment that I saw that blindingly gorgeous naked woman standing in front of me, I instantly lost control of my penis. She had small but perky breasts, sexy abs, absolutely no pubic hair covering her rather subtle labia and clit¡­ Her face was totally blurred out for some reason, but that didn¡¯t really matter anyway. ¡°Uh-hum~, nice to meet you, my name is Levi Ares¡­ You were mentioning something about domination or rape, right? I¡¯m totally fine with whatever you want to do to me, so go ahead, I¡¯ll be your weak little puppy-slave... Whatever you want!¡± After dying, turning into a giant snake, floating around for a while and everything else that had happened, I was honestly starting to believe that I was just having a super-trippy dream. In which case, it was best to enjoy it as much as possible, right? That mysterious lady giggled, before murmuring ¡°For an Eternal Deity, you seem rather¡­ weak. Your soul feels damaged¡­ Interesting. If you continued to roam the Chaotic Void in your current state, you would lose all of your memories and¡­ Hmmm, I could gain quite a bit of mana from consuming you. However, would it not be more entertaining to allow you a chance to return to your former glory?¡± I smirked, asking ¡°Are you sure you don¡¯t have me confused with someone else? I¡¯m pretty sure that my life was only mediocre at best¡­ I never really accomplished anything worthwhile and my family probably died during the earthquake, so I doubt that anyone even mourned my death.¡± She whispered ¡°If you do not recall, then perhaps that is for the best. It will make the process of reforging your soul much easier if you cannot remember too many of your past lives. You say that you are willing to become my slave or pet in jest¡­ I disdain the Dao of Domination. In fact, I become furious whenever I witness any sort of rape or slavery. Perhaps that was simply how my creators designed me to operate, but after spending so long administering the will of Karma¡­ perhaps I have truly become the embodiment of salvation and damnation?¡± ¡°So~, what you¡¯re saying is that you aren¡¯t willing to take my virginity away? Wait, no, you¡¯re talking about reincarnation! Does that mean that this is where you let me come back to life in some awesome fantasy world, with super-overpowered abilities compared to everyone else?! Ah, wait, can I like, choose? Can there be furries? What about elves and orcs? Cute little dwarves and goblins would be nice¡­ Oh, should I pick male or female though? My first instinct is to be a guy again, but at the same time, sex usually feels way better if you have a vagina¡­ At least that¡¯s what all the studies show? On the other hand, in most of those stories, women get treated like garbage all the time, so I think it¡¯s probably better to have a dick.¡± After listening to all of my obnoxious questions, that naked woman slowly walked forwards and gently caressed my face with both of her hands. Then she quietly explained ¡°Long ago, there was a young boy who was in a desperate situation¡­ He was innocent, but desired the power to simply protect his family and himself. I bestowed upon him a Cultivation Method, which allowed him to grow to the point where he became a Legendary Primal Deity. However, he misused my gift¡­ Oppressed those who were weaker than himself, raped women, enslaved many. He was too powerful for the people of that world to contend with, so they banished him to The Chaotic Void. I believe you have already met him, since this is the remnants of his Soul Realm. ¡°Your situation is different, yet you still possess a strong yearning and desire¡­ I shall bestow upon you the same Cultivation Method and even grant you a new life. My only requirement is that you never allow yourself to become corrupted by the power that you attain. No matter how great the Eternal Dao of Domination may seem, I can promise you that the Will of Karma is far beyond what any Deity could ever hope to overcome.¡± Chapter 1: Reincarnated Eternal Deity ¡°The Eternal Dao of Eros is the path of desire. It is among the most powerful and primal forces in existence¡­ However, it is very easy to fall into depravity. This cultivation method is incredibly dangerous but fairly simple. Now, you shall entertain me, little serpent¡­¡± When I opened my eyes, I could still hear that strange faceless woman¡¯s voice reverberating in my head. I was staring at a bright-blue sky, with a few white and fluffy clouds floating by. There were birds squawking and cawing all around me. Literally, the little bastards were pecking at my face and chest, shitting all over the place. I tried to stand up or at least wave them away, but it felt like my entire body was suffering from poor blood circulation. There was that awful tingling sensation on pretty much every single piece of flesh that was attached to my central nervous system. I¡¯m not sure if they were crows or ravens, but those black birds were really vicious bastards. One of them was trying to rip my dick off and there were two that even wanted to eat my nipples. I finally took a deep breath and then yelled ¡°Fuck off! I ain¡¯t into bestiality! Okay, I might like watching other people have sex with animals, but it¡¯s not something that I¡¯ve ever wanted to personally experience!¡± They didn¡¯t give a shit. Actually, those little assholes seemed to be even feistier after I tried to scare them away. Maybe they were masochists? Then again, they were probably sadists, based on the way they kept chewing on my scrotum. When I gained a bit of mobility in my neck, I turned my head to look around. I was in a cornfield, though the spot I was in had been ¡®cleared¡¯ away. It looked like it was crushed down and flattened, rather than being cut or burned. It took a few minutes before I was able to lift my scrawny arms and swat away the annoying birds. Once they realized that I could move, they finally flew away¡­ I was still filthy though. ¡°You¡¯ve gotta be fucking kidding me! Ugh, I better not be a Hobbit or Goblin!¡± My skin was pasty and white, but my muscle mass was really low. It looked like I was either a Human child or maybe some kind of Elf? Those were the two least depressing possibilities that I could think of at that moment. My stomach made some ¡®gurgling¡¯ noises, as I struggled to stand upright. It kind of felt like I was starving to death, not that I¡¯ve ever starved to death before then¡­ Well, not that I can remember. That mysterious Goddess of Nudism and Cryptic Messages seemed to think I wasn¡¯t just some random twenty-year old virgin. After wandering aimlessly through the maze of ¡®maize¡¯, I eventually ended up back at that same clearing again. With what little energy I had left, I sat down cross-legged. Obviously, there had to be a small ear of corn right there! I¡¯m not sure if it was fortune or not, but no, I didn¡¯t get anally penetrated. However, it still hurt like a bitch and my left asscheek was definitely bruised. ¡°Ow~! Donkey-sausage! Ah~, oh wait! I¡¯m in a motherfucking cornfield! There¡¯s food everywhere!¡± Thus, I stood up again and looked for some ears that weren¡¯t covered in crowshit or crushed. As I bit down into the juicy kernels, I honestly had a tastegasm. I have no idea how long I was dead for, or why my ¡®new¡¯ body was so hungry, but the pain in my head was starting to subside pretty rapidly. By the time I ate my fourth ear of corn, I managed to quench my thirst as well. ¡°Shit, now what do I do? Just keep walking around until I collapse or what? This field could be a hundred acres for all I know¡­ Hell, I¡¯ve got no clue what kinda planet this is either! Maybe I¡¯m not really weak, the gravity could just be higher than Earth¡­ Or it could be the other way around. Hmm~...¡± I started jumping randomly and decided that the gravity seemed ¡®normal¡¯ enough. ¡°Hello~, who¡¯s there~?!¡± Since I was making so much noise and it ¡®was¡¯ the middle of the day, it wasn¡¯t that strange that someone actually heard me. I shouted ¡°Oh hey! Umm, I¡¯m kinda lost! Do you mind helping me escape this cornfield?!¡± Even if I was a bit antisocial in my previous life, it¡¯s not like I was deathly afraid of interacting with people. After a few seconds, I saw an old man with a bald head and a long white beard. From his facial appearance alone, I guessed that he had to be at least seventy, maybe eighty. However, that was judging by the logic of my last world. He wasn¡¯t wearing a shirt, so I could see his ridiculously muscular upper-body. His pants looked like tattered grey rags, while he didn¡¯t even bother using shoes. He scanned my small and scrawny naked body for a moment, before frowning deeply and playing with his moustache. Then he asked ¡°Why the hell are you in my field, ya little brat?¡± ¡°How the fuck would I know? I just woke up here! Ow~!¡± Almost immediately after I finished talking, he smacked the top of my head and I fell face-first into the dirt. When I pushed myself up and glared at him, he kicked me in the chest with his disgusting, gnarly feet. I flew a few meters backwards and rolled across the ground, before struggling to stand. This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. That random old guy grumbled ¡°Watch your language, ya shithead! Ain¡¯t yer mother never taught ya no manners?¡± ¡°If this goddamn scratch on my chest gets infected and I die, I swear that I will rip your ghost a new asshole! Ew, ew~! There¡¯s shit in it! Fuck! I¡¯m gonna get tetanus! The moment I get to this world, I get tetanus and die!¡± There was a huge bloody gash from my upper-abdomen on the right side, to my left shoulder. Honestly, it was so gross that I wasn¡¯t even wondering how such a light ¡®kick¡¯ could deal so much damage. ¡°Calm down ya scrawny bastard! Damn, I really sliced ya up pretty bad¡­ Alright, come with me and stop yer yappin! Don¡¯t be usin any uh that foul language round me no more, or I¡¯ll slap ya upside yer head! What¡¯s yer name Kid? I¡¯m Long Di, but you should just call me Grandpa Di.¡± Without giving me much of a choice, he walked over, grabbed my right shoulder and started dragging me through the cornfield. His speed seemed abnormally fast, considering that he wasn¡¯t running at all. After a few seconds, I could see a large farmhouse, with a few red barns. There were cows grazing in the fields, without even a fence to keep them from wandering off. Horses casually trotted around, but didn¡¯t run away. The chickens were so free-range, that they didn¡¯t even seem to be domesticated. Before I knew it, that Di dude had already brought me inside his home and thrown me into a bathroom. He growled ¡°Wash yourself off, ya dirty brat! Don¡¯t be gettin no shit all over my floor! I¡¯ll get ya some clothes and a healin balm for the tiny scratch on yer chest¡­¡± I was actually kinda surprised that the place had indoor plumbing and electricity, but then again, neither of those things are particularly amazing. That gash was gushing out a decent amount of blood, but it wasn¡¯t a mortal wound or anything that dramatic. By the time I finished cleaning the dirt, maneur and birdshit from my body, then dried myself off, that old man entered the bathroom and tossed some clothes at me. There was a pair of black boxers, brown pants and a white undershirt. All of it was cotton and fairly comfortable on my skin. However, before I put the shirt on, he wiped some slimy white cream across my chest and asked ¡°Do ya got a name or do ya wanna be called Scrawny Little Bastard for the rest of yer life? Why¡¯re ya so damn weak anyway? Let me see yer hand!¡± When he grabbed my left wrist, I felt a burning sensation on the back of my hand and a weird symbol appeared. It looked like an ¡®X¡¯ with a ¡®U¡¯ hangin off the side. I frowned, muttering ¡°I¡¯m Levi Ares, reincarnated Eternal Deity of¡­ something important, maybe? I don¡¯t really know, I just remember that before I came here, I met with some crazy overpower Mega-Goddess and she told me a bunch of weird nonsense. Then I ended up in your cornfield and crows were trying to murder me. Oh yeah, and some asshole kicked me in the chest for no apparent reason!¡± Of course, after saying that last bit, the Long Dickhead really did smack me across the right side of my face. He yelled ¡°Ya stupid brat! Even if ya are some kinda reincarnated Immortal or Deity, don¡¯t just go telling every random person ya meet that kinda shit! Are ya tryin ta get yourself killed?! Damn, yer already nine years old and ya don¡¯t even have an once uh Qi in yer whole body!¡± I sighed dramatically, pulling my hand out of his grasp and complained ¡°Okay, well I don¡¯t even really know what Qi is, so what the hell do you expect? I just arrived in this world today!¡± ¡°Bullshit! Listen brat, even if somebody did cripple yer cultivation, ya shouldn¡¯t make up such crazy lies¡­ No, ya really do seem ta believe what yer sayin. Hmmm, screw it, come with me. Regardless of whether yer reincarnated or a delusional cripple, it ain¡¯t my place ta judge¡­¡± As I followed him through the house, I noticed that there wasn¡¯t much furniture. It also seemed like he was living alone in a fairly big home. As I glanced around, we eventually winded up in the kitchen. He forced me to sit in one of the simple wooden chairs, while he walked over to the reflective metal refrigerator and pulled out a glass pitcher of tea. I hadn¡¯t seen any ¡®plastic¡¯ yet and there definitely weren¡¯t any televisions, computers or even a microwave. However, that only meant that some random old guy in the middle of nowhere, living by himself, didn¡¯t have those things. Hell, even my grandparents never had a microwave. They thought that it caused cancer or maybe they just preferred cooking the old fashioned way? ¡°So, ¡®Grandpa¡¯ Di¡­ Assume that this is really my first day on this planet. What do I need to know to survive here? Just give me some simple, basic information¡­ No need for a massive info-dump.¡± He took out two glasses, filled each of them with iced tea, handed me one and then sat down across the table. After taking a sip, he frowned, then shook his head. It took a few minutes, before he finally started talking¡­ but yeah, it was a lot. Like, the amount of random nonsense that old man knew was pretty ridiculous. Next Chapter Table of Contents Chapter 2: The Stages of Mortal Power ¡°This world¡¯s called Genesis and it¡¯s big¡­ Though I ain¡¯t never been to any other worlds, so don¡¯t quote me on that. The Sun¡¯s named Ra and the three moons are Khonsu, Iah and Thoth. Ya can usually only see one a night, but sometimes there are more. Hmmm~, we¡¯re in the Qing Republic¡­ Used to be an Empire a few years back, but that shitty old Emperor and his whole family pissed off the ancient Qing Clan. Anyway, there ain¡¯t much different between how I was livin before then and now, so for all I know, someone else might¡¯ve taken over in the past hundred years that I wasn¡¯t payin attention.¡± When I heard that last bit, asked ¡°Wait, wait a second, how old are you? I thought you were like, ninety at the most, but then again¡­¡± He showed me the back of his left hand and four tiny symbols appeared. The first one was three little lines, the second kinda looked like two rectangles with a line above it, the third seemed like a Japanese letter, while the last one was a cross. ¡°Damn boy, ya don¡¯t even know how ta read¡­ I¡¯m three-hundred and seventy-nine! Hahahaha~... Ya don¡¯t seem very impressed?¡± I honestly had no idea why he was so proud, but well, I still didn¡¯t understand the significance of ¡®age¡¯. I muttered ¡°Congratulations~? You look don¡¯t look a day over ninety¡­ Actually, where I¡¯m from, people usually didn¡¯t even live past eighty and the oldest person in the world was like, a hundred and fifteen.¡± Long Di let out a long and overdramatic sigh, before explaining ¡°It means I¡¯m an ¡®Expert¡¯... Ugh, ya little bastard! Ya better not be screwin with me! Ya really might be from a different world if ya don¡¯t even know bout cultivation levels¡­ Here, look at this.¡± He showed me the back of his right hand and when he clenched his fist, a black cross mark appeared. ¡°Cool tattoos bro? Not really sure what you¡¯re getting at here though¡­ Ow! Stop fucking hitting me! Shit! Ouch~!¡± Once he satisfied his sadistic desires by smacking me in the head a few times, he finally continued speaking again. ¡°Stop cursing so damn much! Ain¡¯t yer mama ever told ya¡­ Never mind, a kid like you is probably an orphan. Oh, I¡¯m sorry~, I meant ta say ¡®Reincarnated Eternal Deity¡¯ hahahaha~! Hah~, anyway, the cross means ¡®ten¡¯. I¡¯m a level-ten, Mortal Expert¡­ Normally, when people find out that an old farmer is actually one uh the strongest people in the country, they would at least be a little impressed! Brat, aside from cripples, everybody in this world is a cultivator! Even if ya never practiced any martial arts or magic, you¡¯d still be able to reach the peak of Mortal Novice by the time you¡¯re an adult¡­ Shit, ya don¡¯t even know what I¡¯m talkin bout!¡± My ignorance was totally understandable, since I had only been on Genesis for an hour or two. Of course, that old bastard seemed to think that I had some sort of mental disability instead of being reincarnated. He grumbled ¡°Alright, listen up, cause I ain¡¯t gonna be repeatin this! There are three ¡®Realms¡¯ uh power: Mortal, Immortal, and Deity. Now I don¡¯t know bout no Immortals or Gods, cause it ain¡¯t the kinda stuff that we Mortals gotta worry bout. In the Mortal Realm, there¡¯s six Stages. The first is the Novice Stage¡­ Most people never make it past Novice. Now listen here, this is the important part, specially for ¡®you¡¯. A Novice can live for a hundred years and not a single day more than that!¡± I stared into his dark-brown eyes for a few moments, before shrugging my shoulders and asking ¡°Isn¡¯t that already pretty good? I mean, in my last life I only made it to twenty before I bled to death from accidentally castrating myself during an earthquake, so I think I could accomplish a lot in a hundred years¡­¡± ¡°Hahahaha~! What in the hell¡­ Aw damn, ya sure got yerself a mighty twisted imagination, but at least ya got a sense uh humor! Anyway, the catch is that if ya wanna break through to the next stage, ya gotta do it before yer tenth birthday! That¡¯s why most lazy bastards never make it past the Novice Stage¡­ Well, there¡¯s another reason too.¡± Long Di went from smiling to scowling in what seemed like an instant, before he muttered ¡°In most countries that have a draft, they conscript all the kids who make it to the Apprentice Stage. The laws and rules are different everywhere, but for the most part, people ain¡¯t too happy ta send their children off ta become soldiers and die in some shitty war between nobles or kings.¡± He took a long drink of iced tea, before continuing ¡°Apprentices can live for exactly two-hundred years, but if they wanna make it to the next Stage, they gotta do it before they turn twenty. Course, there are all sorts uh levels of talent¡­ I¡¯m just talkin bout ¡®normal¡¯ people at the moment. Hmmm, lemme see yer eyes for a second!¡± Without waiting for my permission, he just stood up and reached across the table, grabbing the top of my head with his wrinkly left hand. Then he shouted ¡°Heavenly Shit! What in the Holy Hell!¡± After that, he walked over to the kitchen counter and searched through the cabinets until he found a simple glass hand-mirror and tossed it to me. I caught the bronze handle and finally saw my ¡®new¡¯ face for the first time. ¡°What the fuck? Wait, is everybody on this planet Asian? That seems kinda weird, maybe that woman just gave me a body like the other people in this region? Well, whatever, I¡¯m still pretty pale either way¡­ Hmmm, I really am a little kid, my hair is still black, generic brown eyes¡­ What were you freaking out about anyway?¡± I glanced up at the old man and noticed that his irises suddenly started glowing neon-orange, which made me unconsciously shout ¡°Wow, that¡¯s actually pretty badass!¡± He complained ¡°Ya lazy little prick! I can¡¯t believe someone with top-rank Violet Innate Talent could possibly be so weak! If I wasn¡¯t a pacifist, I would beat ya ta death for wastin yer potential!¡± The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°Ah, oh sweet¡­ My irises really are kinda purplish, but it¡¯s really hard to tell unless you look super-closely. How do I get my eyes to glow like yours do? Is it some kinda magical technique or what?¡± Actually, it seemed like the little flecks in my irises were so dim that they were closer to black. They looked dark-red sometimes too, so it was sort of hard to tell. Long Di sat down and drank the rest of his iced tea, then grumbled ¡°Listen Brat, it¡¯s tough to be sure whether you¡¯ve got Violet or Red Innate Talent. If ya didn¡¯t spout all that bullshit bout being reincarnated, I would never have been able to realize your real potential¡­ Trust me with this, kay? Don¡¯t tell nobody any uh that Eternal Deity nonsense! They probably won¡¯t believe ya even if ya did, but it¡¯s better if ya don¡¯t go raise-in no suspicions!¡± His irises slowly went back to being brown, before he told me ¡°The color of the Qi crystals in a person¡¯s eyes is the easiest indicator for their Innate Talent¡­ The darker it is, the higher the potential of their physical body. At least that¡¯s what I¡¯ve heard¡­ Assuming that the kid practices martial arts diligently, that Innate Talent is how strong they¡¯re gonna get. Red is the worst and Violet is the best. My Innate Talent is only bright Orange. So it was pretty much guaranteed that I¡¯d at least make it to Apprentice, even if I didn¡¯t practice martial arts! Even in those huge Sects, the best you¡¯d find would be bright Yellow and those bastards almost always make it ta the Master Stage!¡± I put the mirror down and started drinking some of that sweetened iced tea. After about a minute, I finally asked ¡°Umm, so yeah, about these so-called ¡®Stages¡¯... I feel like you kinda got side-tracked by all this talent bullshit, so can you please get back to the point? Fuck! Stop smacking me goddamn it! Ow!¡± After hitting me a few times, he finally sat back down and let out a long sigh. It seemed like he had totally forgotten where he left off, until I whispered ¡°What¡¯s after Apprentice?¡± ¡°As I was sayin! After Apprentice is Adept! Them Adepts can live for three-hundred years, but if they wanna break through to the Expert Stage, they gotta do it before they turn thirty. There¡¯s a few Adepts that become generals in the army or claim a mountain as their territory, but they¡¯re really only mediocre when it comes to Clans and Sects. The ruler of a country usually needs to be an Expert, if they wanna treat people like shit. Otherwise, their subjects would just rebel and kill the bastards¡­ Someone like me, at the peak of the Expert Stage, could become an Elder in a big Sect or Clan, but if I really wanted to, I could create a small one of my own pretty easily. Are ya impressed yet, huh?!¡± I yawned and crossed my arms on the table, before laying my head down and trying to stay awake through his endless info-dump. ¡°Even though I¡¯m closing my eyes, I¡¯m still awake¡­ Oh, and I¡¯m impressed by your awesomeness. I¡¯m sure it was really hard to get to where you are today¡­ Ow! Motherfucker! Just cause you¡¯re old doesn¡¯t meant that it¡¯s okay to abuse children! Stop hitting me! Why couldn¡¯t you be a sexy granny instead of an ugly dude?!¡± I¡¯m not saying that I have a fetish for elderly women, but I¡¯m also not denying that I would rather get beaten by a female of any kind, than a male. Unless the guy was really feminine or an Elf¡­ An anthropomorphic cat-man would be fine too. When I took a look in the small hand-mirror, I saw my bloody nose, two black eyes and my lips were busted open. However, my pitiful appearance didn¡¯t even seem to slightly bother Long Dick, as he casually continued explaining the basics of cultivation to me. ¡°All Mortal Experts get exactly four-hundred years of longevity¡­ So I¡¯ve only got bout two decades left, before I finally kick the bucket! For my mediocre Innate Talent, I¡¯ve done pretty well for myself¡­ But there¡¯s no way that I could¡¯ve become a Master, without some sorta Heavenly luck or an unholy mountain of expensive resources. Mortal Masters are strong enough ta be Patriarchs and Matriarchs of them huge Clans and Sects. They can live for up to five-hundred years at the most and if they manage to break through before they turn fifty, then they can become ¡®Legends¡¯.¡± He frowned at me, so I put the mirror down and started paying a bit more attention to what he was rambling on about. ¡°They¡¯re called that cause anyone who can make it that far really is a damn Legend to Mortals. If I had ta guess, I¡¯d say that there¡¯s probably only one or two people at the Legendary Stage within the Qing Republic or whatever the hell this country is called right now. Maybe throughout the whole continent there¡¯s a decent amount uh Legends wanderin about or settlin down. But them old freaks usually don¡¯t bother with normal Mortal drama. The biggest power that I know of is called The Arcane Academy¡­ I¡¯ve heard they¡¯ve only got a handful uh Legends on staff.¡± Seriously though, it wasn¡¯t rocket-science. Even if I was half-asleep, it still wouldn¡¯t have been difficult for me to follow. At that point I couldn¡¯t help but interject ¡°Yeah, yeah, I get the fucking point. Legends are awesome, woo-hoo~, they can live for a really long time, but they gotta have the talent to break through before they¡¯re like-argh~! Did you just use magic to give me a titty-twister?!¡± He ignored me and just kept going on and on¡­ ¡°Legends can live for a thousand years, but if they wanna become Immortals, hah~! I¡¯d be surprised if there was more than a single Immortal on this entire planet! I heard fairy tales about three beautiful sisters who each live on Khonsu, Iah and Thoth, but that¡¯s probably horseshit. There might be one nine-hundred year old Legend on this continent who made it to level-ten¡­ I just can¡¯t imagine what kinda lucky bastard could reach Immortality before their hundredth birthday!¡± Next Chapter Table of Contents The Dao of Eros Table of Contents Copyright ? Mike777ac 2016 This novel and all of its contents were written entirely by its author, Mike777ac. It is an original product, and any attempt to plagiarize or steal concepts or ideas from it, shall be considered copyright infringement. Many of the concepts and ideas have been inspired by other works, and similar genres. However, all characters are created and owned by the author. (Warning: This story includes profanity, numbers, humanity, nudity, uncomfortable realism in a fantasy-world, awkward but mild sexual-content, descriptive violence and gore, bizarre and disturbing sexual-content, offensive language, Xianxia, martial arts, plus all of the other things that disclaimers usually have to tell you about. Do not read this if you dislike transportation, virtual reality, fantasy, or other similar genres¡­ or me, because I¡¯m the author.) Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. Synopsis Power, glory, happiness, revenge, love, lust, knowledge¡­ Everyone has desires. What do you want more than anything else? What would you sacrifice to achieve your goals? How strong must you become before you are satisfied? Levi Ares was just another random virgin on Earth, when he was mercilessly cut down at the age of twenty. However, it turns out that death isn¡¯t really the end. Thrust into a brand new and magical world, the reincarnated loser must embrace his true destiny! To become a Shaman! Able to form bonds with creepy ghosts and demented hellish ethereal monstrosities, he must abuse his overpowered Innate Talent in order to cultivate fast enough to become an Immortal or whatever¡­ Volume 1: Leviathan(Completed) Chapter 3: Race ¡°You keep droning on and on about these Stages, lifespans and age limits, but this is just humanity right? What about other races, like Elves, Orcs, Goblins and Dwarves or whatever else there is out there? Also, there¡¯s probably like magical treasures that can make people live longer than normal or help them break through under circumstances where they normally wouldn¡¯t be able to¡­¡± Long Di stared at me as if I were an idiot for a few moments, before bluntly stating ¡°There are no other races anymore. I don¡¯t know bout them other worlds, but on this one, it¡¯s just humans and beasts. All them other races were wiped out long before I was born¡­ Don¡¯t know the ¡®real¡¯ story, but the one that kids learn is just that well¡­ The ¡®Heavens¡¯ decided it was too much work havin so many races, so they picked Humans and got rid of the others. They also decided that there needed ta be a longevity limit for Mortals and that it had to be really hard ta become Immortal¡­ I got no clue whether that¡¯s just nonsense or if there¡¯s actual fact in that story, but if ya think about it this way, it does sorta make sense. There¡¯s only so much Qi out there and if there were too many people suckin it all up, then it¡¯d eventually all run out. When ya die, all the Qi ya absorbed throughout yer entire life is released back into the world. Besides, if everybody lived forever, then what fun would that be? Hahahaha~!¡± ¡°What?! No! Why?! What¡¯s the point of even living in this world then?! What kinda magical afterlife fantasy doesn¡¯t have monster-girls in it?! Where the hell are my furries?! My Elven beauties?!¡± Ninety-percent of my aspirations in my new life involved having sex with ¡®exotic¡¯ and terrifying women of various non-human races. I hurriedly asked ¡°Wait, you mentioned these so-called ¡®Beasts¡¯! Are they anthropomorphic?! Are they even slightly humanoid?!¡± He frowned, shook his head a few times and muttered ¡°Beasts are well, ¡®Beasts¡¯. They¡¯re just other kinds uh animals that can cultivate. Mortal Beasts have a ranking system that¡¯s a bit different from ours¡­¡± I yelled ¡°Oh God! No more! Too much info-dump for one day-¡± Of course, he totally ignored my pleas for mercy and continued ¡®teaching¡¯ me about fucking magical animals¡­ Not literally having sex with them though. Never mind, the point is that he just kept talking forever regarding something that I only vaguely gave a shit about. ¡°Beasts don¡¯t really follow the same rules as us Cultivators. I ain¡¯t got no clue why the ¡®Heavens¡¯ wanted ta do it that way, but it¡¯s just the way the world works I guess¡­ Maybe it¡¯s cause they ain¡¯t like us? Any random animal can become an ¡®Unranked¡¯ Beast, which has a normal lifespan and is only a bit stronger than normal. If they¡¯re lucky enough ta evolve into Rank-G Beasts, then they¡¯re practically ageless already! Course, Rank-G is only about equivalent ta a Novice Stage Human¡­ On the other hand, they might spend decades or centuries stuck at that point. It¡¯s definitely harder for them ta become Immortals than it is for us, though there¡¯s lots more of them Beasts in the world than there are Humans, so they probably have more Immortals too.¡± It was then that I had finally finished drinking my glass of iced tea, so I tried to hurry the explanation along a bit faster. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll just take a wild guess here and say that Rank-F is like an Apprentice, ¡®E¡¯ is equivalent to an Adept, ¡®D¡¯ is the Expert¡­ Wait a second, that¡¯s only a coincidence right? No, don¡¯t answer that, it doesn¡¯t matter and I really don¡¯t care! Rank-C are Masters, ¡®B¡¯ equals Legendary and what, Rank-A should be kinda like an Immortal already¡­¡± He snickered, taking that chance to start talking again. My original guess as to why he was living alone was that he simply outlived all his relatives, but I was beginning to believe that he actually scared them away with his raspy voice and love for violently abusing children. ¡°Almost¡­ Rank-A is somewhere in between a Human Legendary Mortal and a Novice Immortal. That¡¯s when things get a little tricky though¡­ From what I¡¯ve heard in stories, they can either choose to take a Human form and become real Novice Immortals¡­ or they can keep evolving. Rank-S is equivalent to an Immortal Novice and there¡¯s still about four or five other ranks above that, but it¡¯s all beyond my expertise. Anyway, I¡¯ve talked enough for one day¡­ Since I got plenty uh guest rooms in my home en ya don¡¯t seem ta have a place uh yer own, why don¡¯t ya stay here for a while? Hell, I¡¯ll go a step farther and ask ya ta become my last disciple¡­¡± I immediately frowned, causing the gashes on my lips to start bleeding again. Then I asked ¡°You know I¡¯m not gay, right? I don¡¯t wanna lead you on or anything, but I¡¯m really not interested in having sex with old men-¡± I¡¯m not totally sure what happened exactly, but I definitely remember his eyes turning bright-orange, before I lost consciousness. When I woke up the next morning, my face was swollen to the point where I though I was having an allergic reaction to shellfish. It was literally one of the most terrifying experiences in my life. If my new body couldn¡¯t eat seafood, I would have literally killed myself and tried to start over again. Fortunately, it was just the aftermath of being beaten half to death by that crazy bastard. Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. Once I regained my senses, I reached down and used both hands to feel my asshole. Then I let out a sigh of relief and muttered ¡°Maybe Long Douche isn¡¯t a paedofile afterall? Well, there¡¯s no way to rule that out though¡­ I mean, he could be interested in little girls for all I know? Either that, or maybe he¡¯s planning to wait until I¡¯m an adult before raping me?¡± ¡°I ain¡¯t no paedophile or rapist! If I wasn¡¯t such a kind person, I would beat ya ta death for being such a rude, vulgar and ungrateful brat!¡± It was only after hearing his deep and obnoxiously raspy voice, that I noticed the psychotic grandpa was sitting next to the bed. His rocking chair creaked as he stood up and grabbed my left shoulder, yanking me from under that white sheet. I was still wearing the same clothes as before he knocked me out, but he had changed into what looked like a white karate gi. There was a black belt around his waist, but I think it was more for decoration than to display any sort of status. Before I had the chance to complain, he scolded ¡°Since I¡¯m yer master now, I won¡¯t allow ya ta waste yer heavenly Innate Talent! Yer already nine years old! Ya got maybe a whole year left if yer lucky, so I ain¡¯t gonna let you sleep when ya should be training!¡± By the time he finished talking, we were already in the back yard, which was just a really fucking big field of grass. I grumbled ¡°Ew, there¡¯s shit all over the place! Do you have some kinda scat fetish?¡± Since the chickens, dogs, cows, horses, pigs, sheep and goats just wandered wherever they wanted to, there really was no ¡®safe¡¯ place to walk. He yelled ¡°Stop being such a pussy!¡± After throwing me onto the ground, he waited for me to stand up, before instructing ¡°Listen kid, this is for yer own good! If ya don¡¯t manage ta become an Apprentice soon, you¡¯ll never have the chance! For your entire life, you¡¯ll be nothing but a pathetic loser! Everyone will treat ya like garbage and you¡¯ll never be able ta accomplish anything worthwhile!¡± ¡°Calm down, I get the point, okay? When did I ever say that I wanted to be a weakling anyway? For your information, I actually enjoy beating people up¡­ It was just always frowned upon. More importantly, if my goal is to have sex with all sorts of inhuman monsters, then I need to get strong enough to at least let them cum!¡± I was kinda expecting him to start smacking me around again, but he was laughing hysterically instead. After he finally managed to have a stern expression again, he told me ¡°Well, everybody¡¯s got their own Dao to follow¡­ Normally, from the time a child turns five years old, until they reach eight, they¡¯d have ta focus purely on physical training. With a solid foundation, it¡¯d be a lot safer for them ta start ¡®cultivating¡¯ seriously. Yer probably the weakest lookin brat that I¡¯ve ever laid eyes on, and we ain¡¯t got time ta do things the ¡®safe¡¯ way. Sides, ya really are different than regular kids¡­ Aside from the fact that yer crazy and nobody cares if ya live or die, there¡¯s also yer Violet Innate Talent. If ya had ten years ta just dick around all day, you¡¯d still easily make it through Novice.¡± ¡°Well whatever, as long as you don¡¯t ask me to bear my ass or suck your dick, I¡¯ll follow your teachings sensei¡­¡± He let out a long and melodramatic sigh, before breathing in deeply and causing the air around his body to start glowing. As a dense neon-green fog swirled around him, he explained ¡°Listen Brat, this here¡¯s Nature Qi... The first and most crucial part uh cultivation, is ta figure out what Element ya like the best. Now some folks think that the Elements choose the person, but that¡¯s just a bunch uh horseshit! I told ya earlier bout them other races gettin wiped out¡­ Well, that ain¡¯t necessarily true. There¡¯s lots uh people with ties to them ancient extinct races. Their blood¡¯s so diluted that it¡¯s hard ta tell at first, but it starts ta show a bit more, once they reach the Apprentice Stage.¡± His skin suddenly started turning from tan, to dark-brown and it looked like he was gonna turn into a tree for a second there. Then he continued ¡°This is my ¡®racial¡¯ ability, ¡®Ironbark Flesh¡¯. It ain¡¯t too fancy, but it still saved my life a bunch uh times back in my younger days. For now, just focus on feeling the ambient Qi around you. Arcane, Light, Darkness, Nature, Chaos, Earth, Fire, Water and Wind¡­ They¡¯re already there, but ya gotta figure out which one stands out the most for ya.¡± Chapter 4: The Path of Desire After Long Di stopped making a bunch of green smog swirl around him, I tried really fucking hard to ¡®sense¡¯ that Qi stuff. I mean, it was basically just mana, right? I¡¯ve played enough video games and read enough manga to figure out that all that martial arts bullshit is pretty much magic. Unfortunately, my bladder didn¡¯t seem to care about cultivation. ¡°I have to piss.¡± ¡°Fine, just hurry up! Go over there, I don¡¯t wanna see yer tiny prick!¡± I walked towards that huge weeping willow tree that he pointed at and pulled my little dick out. Well, I was nine, so what do you expect? Anyway, as I was urinating for the first time in that world, I started wondering ¡°What do I really want? What do I desire more than anything else? Why do I want power? What will I do once I have power? Why the fuck did I turn into a giant snake after I died? Is it because of my name?¡± I unconsciously muttered ¡°Leviathan,¡± while staring at my crystal-clear stream that was wiggling back and forth. I¡¯ve always liked water, but I wasn¡¯t sure if I really connected with it on a spiritual level. Ares could be associated with fire¡­ I couldn¡¯t help cursing ¡°Why the hell do I need to just pick one thing?¡± ¡°Ya ain¡¯t gotta stick with one Element forever, ya know? There¡¯s lots uh cultivation methods that focus on a single Element, but there are some that need a bunch uh different ones at the same time.¡± Even though he was that old bastard was at least a hundred meters away, it felt like he was whispering directly into my left ear. It creeped me out so much that I quickly turned around and yelled ¡°Stop that!¡± Fortunately, I had already finished pissing and put my junk away. When I walked back over to the center of the backyard, he was standing there with his arms crossed in front of his chest. His weird tree-man spell had worn off, so he was wrinkly and gross again. ¡°There are all sorts uh Daos out there, but they got their own levels. Cultivation Methods are based off of Daos, so they¡¯re all ranked too. Ya won¡¯t find anything better than Celestial shit on Genesis, though almost all the stuff ya can actually get yer hands on are based on Worldly Daos. My Cultivation Method is the ¡®Ironbark Sutra¡¯. I know ain¡¯t that great, but it¡¯s all I could afford back when I was still tryin ta reach the Master Stage. Now, I ain¡¯t rich¡­ Still, if yer gonna be my disciple, I need ta at least give ya some decent stuff. First though, ya gotta pick an Element ta focus on.¡± While Long Di was talking, I was thinking to myself ¡°That mysterious exhibitionist said she gave me a Cultivation Method based on the Eternal Dao of Eros, but I can¡¯t really remember her actually handing me anything. Did she encode it into my DNA, or maybe it¡¯s subconsciously implanted into my brain? Well, regardless, the question is what do I desire? Sex, putting my penis inside of vaginas, anuses, mouths, tentacles¡­ Oh, tentacles! Demons¡­ Chaos? Ah, but plants can have tendrils and they¡¯re kinda similar? Nature or Chaos¡­ I was a giant green snake, so I might be more prone towards Nature. Hmmm~...¡± Finally, I had to ask ¡°Hey, can I pick both Nature and Chaos at the same time? Also, what do you know about the Eternal Dao of Eros?¡± He frowned, glaring at me with those neon-orange eyes. After he quietly murmured to himself for a few seconds, he hesitantly answered ¡°They¡¯re usually mutually exclusive, but I¡¯ve seen some people ¡®try¡¯ ta mix em before. It never worked out too well for anyone involved¡­ As for the Eternal Dao of Eros, it ain¡¯t some kinda secret. It¡¯s the ¡®Path to Desire¡¯... Lots uh Worldly Cultivation Methods have Eros as their root. Whether people want money, power, fame, fortune, love, revenge¡­ It all stems from Desire. There¡¯s a Dao fer just about anything ya can think of.¡± Suddenly, my vision became blurry and I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head. I immediately gazed up at the sky and saw a huge, red moon, floating directly above me. It was a lot different than the ¡®Luna¡¯ that I was used to¡­ There were blue oceans and crimson continents, while I could even see pink clouds floating around in its atmosphere. Then I heard a deep, feminine voice whispering ¡°Power is like love¡­ It can be shared, given and stolen. Mana is all around you¡­ In every breath you take, in everything you eat and whatever waste your body produces. I am sending you to a universe that is under my control¡­ Whether you thrive there or suffer immensely, will greatly depend on your ability to grow quickly. Both Nature and Chaos are merely two sides of the same coin¡­ Without one, the other cannot exist. They were each created from Light and Darkness¡­ When they merge together, Earth, Wind, Fire and Water are formed. Desire is the key which unlocks the path to ultimate power. If you cannot continue to stay on that path, then you will fall into corruption and everything you have worked for¡­ will belong to me.¡± After remembering what that mysterious woman told me before my new body was created, I could finally ¡®sense¡¯ the so-called Qi that was all over the fucking place. Of course, it was all barely noticeable compared to that old bastard¡¯s glowing-green aura. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. ¡°Now this is the most important thing ya gotta remember, Brat¡­ When yer suckin in all that Qi, ya gotta pace yourself! I don¡¯t wanna have ta clean up a bunch uh yer bloody bits off my lawn!¡± Yeah, so the reason why people can¡¯t just suck up shitloads of mana is because they¡¯ll literally explode into tiny meaty chunks. Well, I guess it probably depends on what Element you were focusing on though¡­ You might just turn into a tree or something like that, but either way, you would be dead. ¡°Yeah yeah~, don¡¯t worry, I won¡¯t blow myself up on your property¡­ Oh, I¡¯m gonna do that whole Nature thing by the way¡­¡± Since my ¡®Cultivation Method¡¯ seemed to involve taking every single Element possible and smashing them together, I decided to stop worrying about it and just pick Nature. If I was going to be learning from the old Dickbag, then I figured that he would have an easier time teaching me how to bitch-slap people with grass, or whatever. He had a creepy grin on his face and I was actually a little amazed that he still had teeth at his age. Not only that, but they were also white and really straight¡­ It kinda made me want to punch him in the mouth a few times. Well, it was just another incentive to get stronger. Long Di took a deep breath, which lasted nearly ten seconds, then held it in for an entire minute. He also took up a stance with his legs a few feet apart and his palms were facing upwards, while his wrists were pressing against his lower-ribs. When he released the air, it was a lot dimmer than before. There were also some weird hand signs that made me think he was about to cast some kind of ninjutsu spell, but nothing seemed to happen. Finally, he opened his eyes and told me ¡°That¡¯s just a simple breathing technique¡­ Now some folks like ta be sittin down and others prefer doing physical exercise, but it don¡¯t make no difference to me. The important thing is what yer doin on the inside¡­ It¡¯s best if ya suck in the Element ya wanna absorb directly, so ya don¡¯t gotta go through the trouble uh creating it outta other kinds uh Qi. Once ya breathe it into yer lungs, hold it there and imagine that green shit flowin through yer veins. Then focus it all into yer Dantian¡­ It¡¯s the place between yer navel and yer spine. Don¡¯t go askin me why, cause I wasn¡¯t the one who decided how things work!¡± I copied what he did, aside from the weird hand-signals, but it wasn¡¯t nearly as easy as it looked. Especially since the entire time I was trying to concentrate, he kept yammering on about random things that I didn¡¯t care about. Why didn¡¯t he need to use fences to keep his animals from wandering off? Apparently, he planted a special kind of grass near the edges of his property. Any Beasts below Rank-F wouldn¡¯t be able to cross it. Like, they would get whipped or something if they tried, so they usually stay the fuck away. How big is his farm? Well, he apparently owned about a thousand acres, but most of it was just woods and a lake. His cornfields only took up about a tenth of the total land and nearly all of that was just food for the livestock. Another fun fact: He was a vegan and a ¡®pacifist¡¯. The old bastard had been living alone with nothing but his animals for company for nearly two centuries. He didn¡¯t even kill those cows, chickens and pigs for food. They were all pets that he raised, because he was lonely. Well, he did drink milk and eat unfertilized eggs sometimes though. Does he have any powerful Beast companions? One of his chickens was a hundred years old, three meters tall and once ate a whole pack of Rank-F Direwolves that snuck onto his property. Supposedly, there was even a giant toad that lived in his lake and was a Rank-D Beast that he raised from a tadpole. ¡°Okay, shut up for a second and tell me what to do next! There¡¯s a bunch of gas in my gut and it kinda feels like I¡¯m about to shit myself if I suck in anymore of it!¡± Honestly, if he hadn¡¯t specifically explained what it would be like, I probably would have just thought I needed to go to the bathroom. ¡°Alright Brat, settle down, don¡¯t get so worked up! Ya gotta have patience and endure that crappy feelin in yer gut! Now¡¯s when ya gotta try and condense it¡­ Just don¡¯t go too far, ya know what¡¯ll happen.¡± It was kind of like trying to do sit-ups when you¡¯re about to have explosive diarrhea¡­ Not exactly the best sensation and if I didn¡¯t know what was going on, I definitely would have sprinted to the toilet already. Chapter 5: Becoming a Novice Compressing a bunch of gas in your gut is exactly as pleasant as it sounds. I couldn¡¯t help but ask ¡°Are you absolutely sure that I don¡¯t need to take a shit? Cause I really don¡¯t feel good right now¡­ Urp~, nope, almost threw up but managed to keep it inside!¡± Long Di started laughing hysterically as he told me ¡°Most little kids crap themselves the first few times they try ta condense the Qi in their Dantian. Don¡¯t be such a pussy though! If ya really can¡¯t help yourself, just pull yer pants down and I¡¯ll look the other way. Hahahaha~! Now imagine in one uh them big fancy Sects, with all them snot-nosed pretentious brats! No matter how strong they get in the future, their peers would always remember that time when they all shat themselves in front uh each other!¡± ¡°Wait, stop, don¡¯t make me laugh goddamn it! Oh, hey, I think I did it?! That horrible sensation is gone, but I didn¡¯t even fart or burp!¡± It kind of felt like there was a tiny bubble behind my bellybutton; I was an innie by the way. When I pushed my index finger into my navel, I could almost reach the spot where that swirling vortex of power was located. Obviously, I had no idea what it really looked like, but that was how the old guy explained it. ¡°Okay, now look at the back uh yer right hand.¡± There was a black line that suddenly appeared, but it quickly vanished. He explained ¡°That symbol means one. It don¡¯t take much power ta make either yer level or age marker appear. There ain¡¯t much difference between one and ten when it comes ta Novices. Ya just gotta keep focusing on slowly building up the Qi in yer Dantian. Don¡¯t push yourself too far, cause if ya pop that bubble, ya gotta start from scratch.¡± Apparently, the ¡®Dantian¡¯ was some kind of special organ that wasn¡¯t particularly large, but could contain concentrated mana. It was about the size of a lymph node and if it was destroyed or removed, it was nearly impossible to regenerate. There were probably some special magical techniques or expensive medicines that could let a person recover, but only big Sects and Clans would have access to them. As I was about to start doing that weird breathing exercise again, Long Di walked over and patted me on my left shoulder. He shouted ¡°That¡¯s good enough fer one night Brat! Cultivation is supposed ta be slow and steady¡­ Like growin crops or raising kids! If ya try ta rush it, you¡¯ll just end up having problems farther down along the line!¡± Once I went back into the house, I headed straight for the bathroom. It turned out that I really did need to take a shit, so it¡¯s a good thing he didn¡¯t let me keep trying to condense Qi. I took a shower after that and changed into a clean set of clothing. When I walked into the kitchen, I asked him ¡°Why the hell do you have so many clothes for little kids? Didn¡¯t you say you¡¯ve been living alone for hundreds of years?¡± He was making some stir-fried vegetables and rice on the stove and still wearing that karate outfit. Since I was probably about four-feet tall and he was almost two-meters, I figured that there had to have been someone else living in the house recently. He snickered, turned around and showed me a gaudy black ring on his left middle-finger. Then he casually explained ¡°This here¡¯s a storage device that I keep all my most valuable treasures in¡­ It can¡¯t hold too much stuff inside, but it¡¯s convenient for traveling. The time inside passes really slowly compared to out here, so even after centuries, food wouldn¡¯t go bad. These tiny ones are expensive, but I got lots uh cheap ¡®Extradimensional Chests¡¯ around the house for all sorts uh different things. I¡¯m the only one who can use em though, so don¡¯t think bout tryin ta steal from me ya little bastard.¡± I frowned, complaining ¡°Do I look like a fucking thief to you?¡± Long Di smirked, placing his hand on my head and ruffling my relatively short hair. I¡¯m not sure why, but that creepy old bastard always gave me a weird feeling of deja vu¡­ It was almost like I knew him in another life that I couldn¡¯t quite remember. Actually, he kind of reminded me of my grandfather, who died when I was still a little kid. Although, my grandparents were always really kind and gentle; they never beat me unconscious before. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Honestly, that guy didn¡¯t normally talk that much, it was just that I was a little antisocial towards the end of my last life. My parents were usually working, my brother was always in school and I was usually trying to find a job. I was pretty close to becoming a bartender, but well, death by castration happened. So yeah, Long Di seemed to want to tell me about every piece of random information that he knew. By the time that dinner was over, I even found out that he still had living relatives. His daughter was an Elder in the Rong Clan, which was one of the top three powers in the country. Although he hadn¡¯t been there in literal ages, he received updates every time something significant happened. Basically, he had grandchildren, great grandchildren, all sorts of other people who were directly related to him by blood. However, since he was a pussy¡­ I mean, a ¡®pacifist¡¯, he disagreed with the way they operated. In fact, he pretty much hated the way that the whole cultivation world required even kind-hearted bitches to become genocidal mass-murderers. At least, that was ¡®his¡¯ view of the way things were back when he was younger. For all he knew, things might have changed since then, but he had been a hermit for far too long to readjust to society again. My perspective was still one of ignorance and adaptation. It hadn¡¯t even been a day since I arrived, so all of my information was coming from some hardcore hippie-master of tree-hugging. He lived on a farm that mainly fed his own animals and wasn¡¯t willing to kill anything unless it was absolutely necessary. I also discovered that he was an ¡®Alchemist¡¯, in the sense that he knew how to turn medicinal herbs into pills and powders for recreational use. Unfortunately, he didn¡¯t know how to make anything that could help cultivation. After dinner, I walked down the hall to my room. There really wasn¡¯t much in there aside from a bed, a writing desk and chair, some cabinets and a glass window with a cross-shaped pane. The bed¡¯s frame was made out of ironwood, which is why it lasted for over a hundred years, but it was still kind of creaky. On the other hand, the spring mattress was in pristine condition, since Long Di had it stored in one of those fancy ¡®Extradimensional Chests¡¯. I took my shirt and pants off, placed them onto that black writing desk and then laid down in bed with nothing but boxers on. As I stared out the window, into the beautiful starry sky, I grumbled ¡°Fuck my life¡­ Is it even possible for me to masturbate without porn anymore?¡± The answer to that question is: Yes, but it takes forever. Fortunately, my imagination is pretty good and I¡¯ve seen enough vaginas, assholes and cumshots to last several lifetimes. If you¡¯re wondering why I didn¡¯t ask Long Di for some ¡®reading¡¯ material¡­ First of all, we only knew each other for a day and that would be kind of awkward. Secondly, ew, what the hell is wrong with you? I definitely didn¡¯t want to touch some crusty ancient magazines, if he even had them. Seriously though, it kind of reminded me of when I was nine years old in my last life. The internet ¡®existed¡¯, but I didn¡¯t have my own computer, and cable porn was horrendous. I used to resort to all manner of depravity in order to jerk off, while feeling like I was doing something wrong. ¡°Soon¡­ It won¡¯t be much longer now¡­ I just need to get stronger. Once I¡¯m powerful enough, then I¡¯m sure that all sorts of sexy anthropomorphic monster-girls will be interested in taking me as their mate! If it really comes down to it, I can settle for human females¡­¡±
There''s 25 posted chapters so far on my main site, but I''ve written about 65 chapters. Chapter 6: Training ¡°Wake up! Ya damn brat, the Sun¡¯s up and yer still sleepin!¡± The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was that wrinkly, yet enormous hand reaching down and grabbing my hair. He directly pulled me out of bed and threw me onto the floor, before kicking me in the side. I flew across the room and crashed into the surprisingly durable wood paneling. ¡°Ow~, what the fucking fuck is wrong with you?! Shit, stop, okay?! My body is not strong enough to take this kinda punishment goddamn it!¡± After he hit me a few more times, it felt like at least three of my ribs were broken and there were bruises all over my back. That crazy bastard yelled ¡°Stop cursing and I¡¯ll stop smacking ya around! Now get up and put some clothes on! It¡¯s time fer breakfast and then we¡¯re gonna do some exercises! Hurry yer ass up!¡± I may be a masochist, but there¡¯s nothing sexy about getting assaulted by a bald, bearded and extremely buff old Chinese guy. Okay, there are probably plenty of people out there who are into that kind of stuff. If only Long Di was just a woman with tons of testosterone¡­ Anyway, there¡¯s no point in fantasizing about that now. As I coughed violently and struggled to stand, that asshole was already gone. I grumbled ¡°Why do I feel like that cuntbag has no idea what the word ¡®pacifist¡¯ means?¡± After I put my clothes on and went into the bathroom down the hall, I looked into the mirror above the sink and snickered uncontrollably. My relatively small nose wasn¡¯t broken, but I had two black-eyes and my lips were covered in cuts. I muttered ¡°This is definitely the reason why his daughter never visits¡­ Damn~, well, whatever. Ugh, he might actually stop hitting me if I don¡¯t curse as much¡­ But~, he¡¯ll probably just find other excuses to abuse me.¡± It took a while for me to piss, but I didn¡¯t bother taking a shower, because I had a feeling that it would have been pointless. Breakfast was a spinach salad, with baby kale, spring onions, hard-boiled eggs, shredded carrots, chunks of something that tasted like feta cheese and a balsamic vinaigrette dressing. ¡°Honestly, if you didn¡¯t cook, I would probably be able to hate you¡­ I wonder if this is kind of like Stockholm Syndrome? If I tried to run away, would you let me leave or chain me up in the basement?¡± Hearing that, Long Di glared at me and continued eating his salad. He took a sip of red wine and then bluntly stated ¡°You ain¡¯t a prisoner, yer my disciple¡­ If ya really wanna go that badly then screw off already! I don¡¯t take no pleasure in hurtin ya, but if ya wanna be strong, ya gotta be able ta endure pain¡­ I¡¯m tryin ta do ya a favor. There¡¯s lots uh evil monsters out there that would murder ya or worse for being so disrespectful¡­ I don¡¯t want ya ta get yourself killed when ya eventually go out and see the world. Yer still a brat now, but when yer older and I¡¯m dead, you¡¯ll look back and feel grateful for the hospitality and kindness I showed ya now. Ah, and even if ya wanted ta leave, you¡¯d probably get lost in ¡®my¡¯ woods or get eaten by any random Unranked Beast ya came across. Yer way too young and weak ta survive on yer own.¡± I smirked, ¡°Okay~, calm your massive muscular tits¡­ You don¡¯t need to ¡®teach¡¯ me about pain though. I¡¯ve told you this already, but maybe you just didn¡¯t believe me the first time; I¡¯m not a child. In my last life I was already an adult and I¡¯ve experienced plenty of agony in my relatively short life¡­ Anyway, as long as you don¡¯t try to rape or molest me-¡± ¡°Why the hell are ya still goin on about that?! Do ya really think I¡¯m a pedophile?! Shit, I¡¯m three-hundred and seventy-nine years old! My evil fire died out centuries ago! Even back then I ain¡¯t never touched a brat! And I ain¡¯t gay!¡± As he seemed on the verge of a heart attack, I was enjoying my salad. Seriously, even though I love meat and fish, I still went months at a time on something like a vegetarian diet in my old world. Since sex was basically a far-off dream for me, the most exciting thing in my pathetic life was definitely food. Eating sushi, sashimi, shellfish, basically any kind of seafood could make me content with my status as a permavirgin. When breakfast was over, I followed the topless old body-builder outside. It was the middle of the day and the sun was glaring down onto us. There were all sorts of animals wandering around and most of them totally ignored us. However, there were twenty cats and ten dogs that immediately ran over and started begging Long Di. That ring on his left middle-finger glowed bright-orange and a bunch of raw meat flew out. ¡°I bought this shit in town a few years ago! Don¡¯t look at me that way! I don¡¯t kill Beasts or people!¡± Before I had the chance to say anything, he was already making excuses. ¡°Honestly, I wouldn¡¯t care, even if it was Human flesh. Anyway, you said we were going to do some exercises¡­ So, what exactly did you have in mind? I¡¯m not a fan of running and I don¡¯t have any shoes¡­¡± Then I noticed that there was a huge stainless steel jungle-gym over in the distance. There were ladders going up for dozens of meters, long and thin bars that were dangerously high above the ground, plus all sorts of other random designs. It definitely wasn¡¯t something that ¡®normal¡¯ people would let their kids play on. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Maybe if I really was a child, I would have been a bit more enthusiastic, but all I felt was an intense urge to stay away from that death-trap. There was sand on the ground, though it wouldn¡¯t be much help if I fell several stories or cracked my head open on one of the other bars. Long Di casually instructed ¡°You¡¯re way too weak ta do weight trainin, so for now, ya gotta start out with somethin pretty safe. Now climb up ta the top uh that tower and do some chin-ups off the big bar! Don¡¯t worry, if ya fall, I¡¯ll catch ya! Ah, and watch out for them damn crows! It kinda looks like they made a nest up there¡­¡± At the very top of that horrifying contraption, which looked more like a modern art sculpture, there was a huge tree-house. It seemed to be made out of wood, but there was a metallic luster and I could occasionally see arcs of electricity jumping across its surface. I furrowed my brows and glared at senile Grandpa Di, asking ¡°Are you absolutely sure that I¡¯m not going to get electrocuted to death the moment that I touch those bars? I really don¡¯t wanna die in such a stupid way¡­ I mean, the castration thing was bad luck, but this¡­ I¡¯ve got a lot to live for, okay?¡± He shrugged his bulky shoulders, ¡°Maybe, but who knows? I¡¯m kinda surprised this thing hasn¡¯t fallen apart yet, but it¡¯s been tempered by centuries of lightning strikes. It wouldn¡¯t be too weird if it gained some kinda special properties¡­ I ain¡¯t gonna risk yer life ta test it out though. Gimme a second¡­¡± As he touched the shiny reflective metal, there was a static discharge and he yelled ¡°Ow~, shit!¡± However, it only took him a few seconds to recover from the shock, turn towards me and say ¡°Just a bit uh charge built up over the years, but don¡¯t worry, it should be gone now¡­ Ah, just don¡¯t go inside uh that house at the top or ya might get zapped.¡± I sighed dramatically, grumbling ¡°And why exactly do I need to do this anyway? I thought you told me I could just do some breathing exercises every day and reach Apprentice super-easily?¡± ¡°Dumbass! Cultivation is hell! Ya think the Heavens would just let ya get away with being a lazy prick?! No, they don¡¯t! They make ya do all sorts uh horrible shit! They laugh as ya suffer, tryin ta overcome them, only ta fail because ya weren¡¯t fast enough or ya didn¡¯t try hard enough! Ya think it¡¯s that simple ta become an Apprentice?! Maybe if ya started earlier, but no, ya only got a single year! Ya need ta get as strong as a full-grown man within a single year! If ya try ta break through without solid foundations, you¡¯ll either explode, become a cripple, or lose all yer condensed Qi and have ta start over again!¡± Did I mention that Long Di was a fucking lunatic? Yeah, I¡¯m sure that he saw all sorts of horrors and tragedies in his earlier centuries¡­ Still, his idea of training was kinda scary. Sometimes I couldn¡¯t tell if he was trying to kill me or make me stronger. Well, even though I knew it was a bad idea, I still started climbing up that massive ladder. When I made it halfway up, I felt a sharp pain in my back and yelled ¡°Argh~! I think I might have a broken rib! Hey Crazy Di! Maybe I should go back down and-¡± ¡°No! Don¡¯t be such a pussy! It¡¯s just a bruise! I wouldn¡¯t hit ya hard enough ta break anything!¡± He was never very good at motivational speaking, but even so, I continued ascending towards that ominous and creepy octagonal tree-house. The bar that he wanted me to climb on was only a few feet below the dark hole that was spewing out arcs of crimson lightning every few seconds. I was getting a really bad vibe and wanted to give up, but by then it was already too late. ¡°Gah~! Shit! It¡¯s a ghost!¡± A translucent bright-red human skull suddenly popped out of that hole and flew straight down towards me. I jumped backwards and grabbed onto one of the lower bars, nearly losing my grip as bolts of electricity shot off and started burning the skin on my left hand. ¡°Ow~! Goddamn it you bastard! Stop dicking around and kill this thing!¡± However, despite my pleading, Long Di was still standing below me with his massive arms crossed in front of his chest. He yelled ¡°Quit freakin out! Hurry up and catch it! That¡¯s a Rank-G Thunder Spirit! If ya absorb it, you¡¯ll thank me later! I can¡¯t help ya though, cause I don¡¯t feel like goin up there! But don¡¯t worry, I¡¯m sure ya can handle it!¡± Chapter 7: Spirits ¡°Shoo~! Fuck off! Ow-ow-ow~! Stop it!¡± That magical illusory ¡®Thunder Spirit¡¯ was cackling madly, as crimson arcs of electricity kept zapping me nonstop. However, it didn¡¯t do any significant damage and only hurt really badly. It tried to bite me a few times, but it didn¡¯t seem to have a physical form. Honestly, there was a time when I was shocked by a taser. The sensation wasn¡¯t nearly that powerful, yet it was still a lot stronger than a bit of static from rubbing socks against a carpet. ¡°Ow, what the hell?! Dude, no! Stop it! No means no! Grand Di, hurry up and help me! Gah~! It¡¯s trying to tooth-rape me!¡± I was being skull-fucked in the ass by a weird bodiless ghost of indeterminate gender. It was basically just chomping down on my left butt-cheek, but still, it was rather traumatic for my vanilla heart to handle. No one had ever tried to eat my ass before then and I was technically only nine years old. I wonder if that would be considered pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia or all of the above? ¡°Calm down ya vulgar Brat! Look, it¡¯s attached ta ya! That¡¯s a good thing! Now hurry up and get down here! It draws its power from that tree-house up there! Ya need ta get away from there fast or the little bugger will escape!¡± I immediately started climbing down as quickly as possible, using both my arms and feet to keep from falling to my death. It was just really hard to use my legs when I was being constantly zapped near the base of my spine. On a sidenote, I had a really weird boner and was imagining doing all sorts of ¡®experiments¡¯ with that strange ethereal creature. When I was about halfway down, it randomly started screeching in terror and flew back up into its creepy ¡®nest¡¯. I was panting heavily and felt like I was going to pass out from overexertion, but I still managed to make it back into the white sand without falling. ¡°Sorry, ugh, I just¡­ gotta go take care of something. Plus I¡¯m super worn-out, so maybe we should take a break from this insanity? If I end up tearing apart all my muscles, then it¡¯s going to take me a lot longer to get in shape¡­ Also, can you please warn me if there¡¯s gonna be motherfucking ghosts next time?! It ain¡¯t even noon yet and you¡¯re making me do this kinda crazy shit! I could¡¯ve died!¡± Even though I was cursing at him, it didn¡¯t seem like the old bastard even heard me. He just kept frowning and gazing longingly up at that ominous metallic treehouse. As I was feeling totally exhausted, a warm and comfortable sensation welled up inside of me. I wasn¡¯t actively trying to condense Qi, so all that random mana I was unintentionally inhaling, was coursing through my body. In fact, even the salad and iced tea that I had eaten earlier was rapidly transforming into usable energy and revitalizing my scrawny muscles. I was surprised, but Long Di just casually explained ¡°As long as yer Dantian is full, then ya can suck-up the Qi pretty easily. If its empty though and yer fightin somethin¡­ yer screwed. Well, yer still just a Novice, so it don¡¯t matter yet. Course, cause uh yer ungodly Innate Talent, yer basically cheating. A normal brat that was just startin out¡­ They¡¯d need ta spend at least twenty minutes, maybe thirty, tryin ta calm themselves down first. After another half-hour, they¡¯d be full uh energy again¡­ But yer different, so I ain¡¯t gonna go easy on trainin ya!¡± In my last life, I had a pretty troubled history with ¡®running¡¯. As a kid I had asthma, so I just couldn¡¯t do it. When I got older and started weight training, I still sucked at anything that required too much cardiovascular endurance. I could bulk up really easily, but I wasn¡¯t very good when it came to long bouts of physical activity. My new body was totally different though. Aside from the fact that I was super-skinny and probably weighed less than seventy pounds, there was that whole magical rejuvenation thing. As long as I was just jogging, it seemed like I never got tired. Push-ups, sit-ups, crunches, weird frog-jumps¡­ Di made me do all kinds of monotonous exercises for hours on end. Only when I started getting hungry did I finally feel too exhausted to move anymore. Noon was lunchtime and he made omelets for the both of us. They were packed with everything from diced onions to green peppers. He seasoned it with an herb called ¡®Lighting Vine¡¯, claiming that it had the ability to build up my body¡¯s resistance to electrical attacks. I asked him about that ghost a few times, but he refused to give me any information other than ¡°Don¡¯t worry bout catchin it right away¡­ Ya got plenty uh time. It¡¯s been hauntin that place for centuries, so it ain¡¯t goin nowhere. Just don¡¯t ever go inside uh that treehouse and you¡¯ll be fine. If yer able ta rip it away from that spot, ya should be able ta absorb it into yer Dantian¡­ eventually. I just wanted ya ta have a short-term goal ta aim for!¡± Now, I wasn¡¯t an expert on that kind of supernatural bullshit, but usually if there¡¯s a creepy spirit¡­ Then there¡¯s always some sort of horror story to go along with it. Well, it was only the second day that we knew each other, so I didn¡¯t want to hear about his depressing life quite yet. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. When lunch was over, we went back outside; he fed the dogs and cats again. The horses, cows and other typical ¡®farm¡¯ animals, were able to graze on their own. Of course, he still gave them special treats like apples and carrots. He also spent at least half an hour talking and playing with most of the critters. As I followed him into the woods that were a few hundred meters to the north of his house, I grumbled ¡°What are you gonna make me do this time? Wait, are you actually an Exorcist or something? Oh wait, no, maybe you¡¯re some kinda Necromancer?¡± He stopped walking, turned around and glared at me for a minute. Then he yelled ¡°Stop bitchin about everything and get movin! Yer such a whiny little brat! Ain¡¯t I told ya this yet? I¡¯m a Shamanic Expert! Well, I do dabble a bit in Druidry too¡­ People call me Gentle Di!¡± ¡°Pft~! You¡¯ve gotta be fucking kidding me! No, I don¡¯t even know which way I should retort that! Ugh, stop smacking me all the time! You busted my lip open again! Damn it!¡± He only slapped me in the mouth lightly, but it was enough to rip open my wounds from the night before. However, once he saw that I was bleeding, he immediately took out a clean cloth from his ring. He sprinkled some water on it, mumbled some words and channeled a bit of his aura into the material. Once it turned from white to green, he rubbed my wound and I felt a sharp stinging sensation. Then he used it to wipe my entire face. The old man smirked, pulling a hand-mirror out of his ring and bragging ¡°See that Brat? I¡¯m amazing ain¡¯t I? I¡¯m one uh the top ten healers in the country! Er, well, at least I was the last time I checked¡­ Hell, my rank might have gone up since those ancient monsters probably kicked the bucket already! Hahahaha~!¡± Both of my black-eyes were gone and it was the first time I saw my face without any swelling, cuts or bruises. I muttered ¡°Holy shit, I¡¯m really feminine¡­ Would it be wrong if I masturbated to myself? I wonder what my asshole looks like-ow~?!¡± ¡®Gentle¡¯ Di snatched the mirror away from me and didn¡¯t forget to smack the top of my head hard enough to make me taste purple for a moment. He screamed ¡°I ain¡¯t never seen such a perverted brat before it my entire life! Who get¡¯s a woody from their own reflection?! Now let¡¯s get goin!¡± As we reached a massive dark-green swamp-like lake, I asked ¡°You aren¡¯t going to make me go swimming in that sludge, right? Didn¡¯t you say something about a giant frog-monster before? Plus, I can totally see a bunch of alligators over there¡­¡± He sighed dramatically and reached out with his left hand, causing a small brown canoe to fly out of thin air and land in the shallow ¡®water¡¯. Then I felt a giant hand grab my right arm and I became airborne for an instant, before landing on one of the two seats. The shirtless old man sat down across from me and the boat started moving forward on its own. ¡°Earlier with that Thunder Spirit was a test¡­ There¡¯s lots uh different kinds uh ¡®undead¡¯ critters out there. Normal Mortals can¡¯t even see em, regardless of whether they¡¯re a Novice or Legendary. Immortals are a different story¡­ Some people call everything in the Mortal Realm ¡®Houtian¡¯, and it¡¯s rare for anybody like that ta even interact with ghosts. They mainly just focus on gettin stronger physically, treating spirits and curses like superstitious bullshit¡­ Most uh the time they don¡¯t even realize why they¡¯re sick or dying, when there¡¯s a giant octopus demon latched onto their damn face!¡± While he was talking, we were moving farther way from the shore and wading through the murky waters unhindered by any of the random aquatic Beasts that were lurking all around us. I snickered, wondering ¡°I¡¯m guessing that this little boat ride has something to do with Shamanism?¡± He smirked, ¡°Ya mentioned Necromancers earlier¡­ I really hate those evil jackasses! Exorcists ain¡¯t much better, but at least they try ta remove harmful apparitions and help people¡­ The reason why I don¡¯t kill is ¡®cause I know what happens after things die! We all got souls inside of us, and when we croak, they tend ta lose their anchors. Sometimes they float off into the void and go to other worlds, it¡¯s also possible for them ta reincarnate¡­ but occasionally, they get trapped. They¡¯ll get stuck in a certain place or attached to someone they loved and linger for a while. Now, a century might seem like a lot to us, but for them it goes by pretty quickly. Once they use up all their Qi, they¡¯ll dissipate and I heard that they fall down into a lower plane of existence, but I¡¯ve also seen some that probably just¡­ disappeared.¡± Author''s Note Volume 1 of "The Dao of Eros" has been posted on my site by the way :). Chapter 8: Protection I yawned loudly and asked ¡°Okay~ then, so Shamans, Necrophiliacs and Ex-Whore Cysts all deal with spiritual garbage¡­ What¡¯s your point?¡± ¡°If a soul is constantly supplied with Qi, it can potentially exist forever! Course, it ain¡¯t exactly a good thing either. Without a physical form, they¡¯ll eventually lose all their memories¡­ Then they¡¯ll be able ta reincarnate properly. But, there¡¯s also another path that they might end up taking. If they¡¯re given enough power, they could interact with shit. By then they¡¯re what we call ¡®ghosts¡¯, ¡®apparitions¡¯, ¡®Spirits¡¯ or ¡®Devils¡¯. There¡¯s plenty uh other names for em, but ya get the point, right? Anyway, if they can possess a puppet, corpse or golem, then they¡¯ll be considered ¡®Elementals¡¯. They follow the same rules as Beasts, with ranks and everything.¡± He frowned at me when I wasn¡¯t impressed with his info-dump. After a few seconds of awkward silence, there was a loud croaking noise and a colossal head poked out of the water to the left of the boat. Those enormous teal eyes had horizontally slit pupils. It glared at me and I felt like my brain was going to explode, but Long Di immediately hopped out of the canoe and landed on toad¡¯s enormous forehead. He pulled out an ornate, twisted wooden staff and smashed it down onto the creature¡¯s skull with a deafening *thud*. ¡°Ya damn brat! I ain¡¯t seen ya in a few decades and ya think yer so tough now, huh?! If I wasn¡¯t a pacifist, I¡¯d beat yer freakin brains out yer ass!¡± As he finished scolding the massive brown toad, he casually put his staff away and jumped back onto the boat. Once he sat down, the giant monster let out an angry *croak* and submerged again. My head stopped pounding and Di told me ¡°That¡¯s ole Cao Chu¡­ Well, he¡¯s young compared ta me, but he¡¯s already a few centuries old now. Anyway, he¡¯s the Rank-D Beast I told ya bout yesterday. He guards this lake and acts like a little tyrant to all the critters that live here.¡± ¡°So~, where exactly are we going? If you say ¡®The Underworld¡¯ I¡¯m gonna be pissed¡­¡± There were neon-orange mosquitoes and plenty of other random insects constantly buzzing around us. One of those bugs bit my right forearm and within seconds, there was a pulsating boil the size of my fist. When I saw it, I couldn¡¯t help but yell ¡°What the fucking fuck?!¡± However, the old man quickly pulled a green needle out of his ring and stabbed it into the glowing red bubble. My skin exploded and purple mist escaped from the wound, while a bright-blue lotus blossomed over the torn apart flesh. ¡°Ah, yeah, try not ta let those buggers get ya anywhere important! Imagine if that¡¯d been on yer face! Hahahaha~!¡± He didn¡¯t seem concerned for my safety in the slightest and I was in way too much pain to worry about his apathy. Also, I had to constantly keep fidgeting around and swatting at any mosquitoes that came close to me. Within a few minutes, the lotus blossom fell off of my forearm and the flesh had been totally healed back together. I asked ¡°Is this like Shamany voodoo or something? Seems more Druidic to me¡­¡± He let out a deep sigh and explained ¡°Druidry has ta do with plants and animals most times¡­ I only know a few tricks, but nothin too fancy. As for Shamanism, it involves communicating, consuming and controlling spirits.¡± ¡°Wait, are there any spells that can like, turn my right hand into some kinda flower-pussy? Oh, and is it possible to have sex with ghosts? Ah, if I can shapeshift into a horse, will it still be bestiality if I fuck one of your mares?¡± Long Di just squinted his eyes and had his mouth half-opened, it seemed like he was about to have a stroke for a moment there. His hand was raised, but he finally decided not to smack me. ¡°I¡¯m just gonna pretend like I didn¡¯t hear the first and last question¡­ As for the second one, it depends. Ever heard uh succubi and incubi? Well, if a person was lustful enough in their life, then when they die and their souls lose all their memories¡­ Their personalities and certain habits manage to remain intact. This ain¡¯t a joke Brat. A Rankless Dreamwatcher is pretty benign and they just feed off yer excess Qi while ya sleep. Rank-G Dream Eaters are a bit more dangerous. They usually suck up tiny chunks of yer life force and drain yer stamina, making it so that yer exhausted even after ya get a full night¡¯s rest. Rank-F Lust Reapers can force an Apprentice into an unconscious frenzied state where their bodies are constantly releasing their evil fire for up to twelve hours¡­ By that point, they almost have corporeal forms! Rank-E Lesser Succubi are in a semi-physical state¡­ They can easily rape men in their sleep.¡± I snickered and he swiftly smacked me across the face with the back of his left hand, yelling ¡°This ain¡¯t fuckin funny! Those evil bitches can turn men and even women into blithering idiots! They can transform a talented genius into a worthless cripple in less than a month! Even if ya wanna screw em, it¡¯s still a huge loss! They can drain away yer Innate Talent if ya aren¡¯t careful! I¡¯ve had two disciples so far who succumbed ta temptation and were devoured by those shitty demons!¡± Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Long Dickhead had a lot of annoying triggers, but since he was almost four-hundred years old, it wasn¡¯t really that surprising. After another twenty minutes of struggling to survive against those orange mosquitoes, I finally asked ¡°Where the hell are we going anyway?!¡± He smirked, revealing ¡°The Heavens won¡¯t let me live past four-hundred, but I could croak tomorrow for all I know! It might be my time, or maybe not¡­ Either way, when ya get ta my age, ya constantly think about dying. I ain¡¯t seen my kin in centuries and my last disciple died decades ago! What I¡¯m about ta show ya is my oldest friend, who ain¡¯t a Beast that I raised.¡± As if it was sensing us approach, a gargantuan cypress tree erupted from the lake¡¯s surface. Our little canoe almost flipped over from the waves, but it was still a few hundred meters away. The main body just looked like a regular cypress tree; greyish wood and green needle-like leaves, which clumped together on the branches and trunk sporadically. However, the roots on the other hand definitely weren¡¯t ¡®normal¡¯. ¡°Holy shitballs, it¡¯s a fucking hydra! Ow~!¡± ¡°Watch yer language!¡± After smacking me on the top of my skull, the old man whispered to me in a low voice. Then he stood up, placed his right fist onto his left palm and bowed slightly to the seven gigantic viridescent dragon-heads. Each of them had glowing yellow crystals instead of eyes. They all nodded their heads simultaneously and the two started at each other silently for a moment. Finally, one of the serpentine faces came all the way up to our tiny boat and submerged beneath us. I didn¡¯t say anything, since I was ¡®mildly¡¯ afraid of pissing the giant monster off. Then we were lifted out of the water and wobbled a bit, but we didn¡¯t get out of the canoe. One of those huge green snakes was lifting us hundreds of meters into the air and eventually brought us up to a relatively small branch of the tree. Di casually reached out and plucked a six-inch needle-like leaf, which caused the beast to let out a disgruntled roar. However, it didn¡¯t try to hurt us or anything like that. It just slowly lowered the boat down into the water again. After that, the old man bowed three more times to the draconic heads and they nodded in response. As the ship started floating back the way we came, that colossal tree sank back down into the middle of the murky lake. Once about ten minutes passed, he snickered, took out that needle-leaf and stabbed me in the forehead. It felt about as pleasant as you would expect, but it didn¡¯t take long for the pain and discomfort to subside. ¡°Calm down Brat! Don¡¯t look at me like I just banged yer grandmother! Hehehehe~... That was one uh my ancestors. Even I¡¯ve got no clue how old it is¡­ What I do know, is that its name is Long Bai and its been my Dao Protector since I was a kid. Its a Rank-A Hydra Cypress Treant. Some people might consider it a Spirit Beast, but it¡¯s technically an Elemental. Anyway, if ya didn¡¯t show up yesterday, I was gonna make a trip to see my daughter in a month or two¡­ Maybe snatch up one uh the more talented kids in her Clan. But now I don¡¯t gotta! Hahaha~!¡± I frowned, grumbling ¡°If you just made some kinda deal to sacrifice me to that monster, I¡¯m gonna be pretty annoyed¡­¡± He slapped me in the mouth and yelled ¡°Ya ungrateful moron! Yer my last disciple! Obviously I asked Long Bai ta be yer Dao Protector!¡± Then he sat back down and ¡®calmly¡¯ explained ¡°With that spirit needle in yer brain, as long as ya don¡¯t leave this continent and ya don¡¯t piss off any Immortals, ya should be fine! If anyone two Stages above ya tried ta murder ya, hehehehe~... ¡°Let¡¯s just say, after I had become an Expert, I pissed off this Legendary asshole. That bastard ain¡¯t around no more. Well, there are rules though. Don¡¯t go murdering people or slaughtering Beasts unless it¡¯s necessary. Like, if they attack ya, then defend yourself. If ya go outta yer way ta create powerful enemies, Bai ain¡¯t gonna help ya. When that spirit needle in yer head eventually runs outta Qi, yer gonna have ta go back and get a new one. The first was free, the next will cost ya a bit. Be nice, or at least don¡¯t become an evil prick. Bai likes it when ya help Humans, Spirits and Beasts out occasionally. Every now and then I head over ta the nearby towns ta donate some uh the food I grow¡­¡± Chapter 9: Virginity That narcissistic old man continued bragging about how ¡®kindhearted¡¯ and ¡®charitable¡¯ he was for the entire trip back to his house. Then it was back to monotonous physical exercises for a few hours. I wanted to increase the amount of Qi in my Dantian, but it¡¯s apparently not something that should be forced. Long Di loved to tell me horror stories about some of the big Clans and Sects. How they would force their children to become Cultivators before they were even born. They had special techniques to use the mother¡¯s life force in exchange for improving the fetus¡¯ Innate Talent very slightly. It wasn¡¯t just the women either, they could have tens or hundreds of men sacrifice their own Dantians and even their lives in order to produce the strongest offspring possible. I also learned some fun facts in my ¡®Sex-Ed¡¯ class. The organ which holds a person¡¯s Qi is basically attached to everything else in their body, from pores, to fingernails, even their lungs and brain. That¡¯s why people who couldn¡¯t control their mana properly would often ¡®cough up blood¡¯ or literally explode into a gory puddle of crimson mush. Virginity was placed on a really high pedestal, because it actually did have some significance in my new world. It had something to do what that ¡®Heavenly Law¡¯, which dictated how powerful a person was and how long they could live. I didn¡¯t know about Immortals, but for Mortals at least, chastity was super important to ¡®most¡¯ forms of cultivation. Both men and women had a metaphysical Qi hymen, which could only break once. Obviously, I had to ask ¡°Wait, is there just one or is there like, a separate magical chastity for the mouth, asshole and pussy individually?¡± I was doing pushups at the time, so Long Di took that opportunity to stomp down onto my back and make my face get covered in dirt. He shouted ¡°They¡¯re all the same, ya stinking perverted Brat! So don¡¯t throw away yer cherry ta the first random bitch ya find!¡± As he let me get up, I wanted to say something else, but he stepped on my back again. Then he yelled ¡°No guys either! Or Spirits! I better not find out that ya raped any uh my horses either! Normally, parents and teachers wouldn¡¯t need ta tell their kids bout this kinda shit until they were at least teenagers, but yer already a horny little bastard!¡± Anyway, if both sides are virgins, then there¡¯s a mutual exchange of Qi. It¡¯s also possible for each of them to mildly improve their Innate Talent. If one side is and the other isn¡¯t, then the person having their first time will be able to absorb some of the other person¡¯s cultivation and Innate Talent. If the difference in strength is too high, then the weaker non-virgin might die in the process. Of course, there was also another aspect that was pretty hilarious in my opinion. Sex was really fucking dangerous! Like, even just normal intercourse could lead to death if one side struggled against the other. He told me a story about a Legendary Lolicon who was obsessed with stealing the virginity of little girls. Anyway, it ended with him trying to rape an Apprentice and having his entire cultivation consumed by the eight year old brat. Supposedly, she wound up becoming an Immortal eventually. The point is that people in my new world were a bit more ¡®conservative¡¯ when it came to matters regarding sex. At least the cultivators were, and since they decided all the laws, it wasn¡¯t much of a surprise that a lot of things that I really wanted to do were super-illegal. Blowjobs and Anal were both like Devil-Magic in the eyes of most low-end Mortals. Brothels existed, but they were part of the criminal underworld, rather than being out in the open. Honestly though, I went twenty years without even so much as kissing a girl, so it¡¯s not like I was a slut. Hell, I wouldn¡¯t be willing to just give my virginity away to the first vagina I saw regardless of whether there was some sort of rule against it or not. I didn¡¯t do anything to Long Di¡¯s animals the night before, right? No, I masturbated in my room like a good little boy! Hmmm, that sounded better in my head¡­ When it started to get dark, the old sadist finally let me stop running around or working out. We went into the kitchen for dinner, lo mein, and then he took me into his nonconsensual sex-dungeon. Okay, it was just a creepy basement, similar to the ones I had lived in for my entire last lifetime. Actually, no, it was a hundred times bigger than the whole first floor of his house. Fluorescent lights illuminated the place, though the seemed to work on mana, rather than electricity. There were all sorts of wooden training dummies, mechanical exercise equipment that seemed similar to what I had used in my old world, a huge fighting cage that was more like a colosseum, and plenty of other random stuff. Weapons were hanging on the walls or placed in fancy glass cases, depending on how expensive they were. There was also lots of training equipment, armor, creepy mannequins, chained up ghosts¡­ Yes, he actually had motherfucking Spirits sealed in his basement! Before I had the chance to open my mouth, he already slapped my face and sent me tumbling across the padded brown floor. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°There¡¯s good Spirits and evil ones, just like people! Exorcists exterminate wicked Spirits! Necromancers create and enslave them! We Shamans seal, imprison or attempt to rehabilitate crazy, cruel or broken Spirits! It¡¯s a long and arduous process, but it¡¯s much more rewarding¡­ Both for the sake of Karma and our sanity. As for kind, gentle, merciful or innocent Spirits, we go outta our way ta protect em and even help em get stronger. Then there¡¯s the wild or bestial ones¡­ Usually, we just let nature take its course.¡± Only about five ghosts were out in the open, but I could see that there was a big ominous black door, with all sorts of paper talismans sticking to it. I couldn¡¯t read the sign above that gateway to hell, but it definitely gave me a bad feeling when I looked at it. As I was standing up, he walked past me and pointed to the Spirit that was trapped in a small black birdcage. He casually explained ¡°This is a Rank-E Terror Pixie¡­ Don¡¯t let it¡¯s cute exterior fool ya, cause it¡¯s massacred a few villages already. It especially enjoys controlling little brats and making them murder their parents while sleepwalking. Course, it can also directly attack people in their dreams, though it¡¯s not very effective on Adepts.¡± It basically just looked like a six-inch tall fairy-shaped pocket-pussy to me. The girl had sparkly dark-blue skin, no clothes, perky breasts, purple moth-like wings on her back, and elven ears. Her eyes were abnormally large and totally black, as if I was staring into that endless void again. She also had long and curly silver hair that whipped around whenever she moved. I unconsciously reached out to touch the thin metal bars, but a powerful explosion of Qi knocked me back onto that brown mat. After getting up, Long Di chucked, explaining ¡°Unless yer an Expert like me, ya can¡¯t get too close ta these cages. Don¡¯t worry though, you¡¯ll get ta ¡®play¡¯ with each uh these monsters eventually¡­ Just not yet, ¡®cause yer way too weak right now.¡± That ¡®Terror Pixie¡¯ was giggling and sticking her long, neon-yellow tongue out at me. I sighed dramatically, murmuring ¡°It¡¯s a Spirit, so I bet it¡¯d be possible¡­ Hmmm~, I wonder if my dick will still be small enough to fit inside of her tiny pussy when the time comes though?¡± The old man definitely heard what I said, but it seemed like he was actually getting tired from constantly trying to ¡®correct¡¯ my behavior. He just pointed to the next creature and grumbled ¡°This bastard is a Rank-F Ethereal Phallus¡­ It¡¯s a dick! All it cares about is goin in and outta holes¡­ But it ain¡¯t even a normal prick! This psycho was actually an ancient Rank-D treasured dagger, but when its physical form was destroyed, the weapon¡¯s soul escaped. Before I caught it, the crazy cock kept taking control of swords, spears, staffs, even chopsticks! Then it goes around stabbing people in their Dantians and sucking out their cultivation to keep itself alive.¡± ¡®It¡¯ was only about five inches long, without any testicles or anything, just the shaft and head. That thing was constantly pulsating and struggling to escape from a mysterious glass bubble. The orb was floating in the air, next to the black birdcage. To the left was a glowing orange Human skeleton, which was chained up against the wall. ¡°This guy¡­ He¡¯s a Rank-F Martial Spirit. I ain¡¯t got no clue who he was in life, but he still remembers a lot of fighting techniques. He was probably at the Master Stage before he died¡­ Whether it was a grudge or maybe some kinda curse that kept him here, I ain¡¯t got no clue. One of my disciples captured this guy when it was only a Rank-G Wandering Soul. Back then, it was a lot more violent, but recently¡­ Well, I might end up letting him go soon. When ya get stronger, he¡¯ll be one uh yer sparring partners.¡± Then he pointed at a faintly glowing white lion, which was sleeping on the floor. It didn¡¯t even seem to be locked up at all. Di explained ¡°This is Leo Leblanc, my Spirit Companion¡­ He¡¯s at least two-hundred years old and Rank-B, but he can¡¯t do much anymore. A few decades ago, he went into hibernation cause I couldn¡¯t feed him enough Qi¡­ Ya see, when I found him, he was just a Rankless Kitten Ghost. Within a few hundred years he managed to surpass me. I can¡¯t advance any farther, so he¡¯s basically just waiting till I kick the bucket, hehehe~... He also guards that there Spirit Vault fer me.¡± Chapter 10: Daily Routine The final Spirit was sealed inside of a floating glass bubble like the dick. It gave me a really weird boner, but also made me feel dizzy when I looked at it closely. Sometimes it was a mouth, then it stuck out its pink tongue and it became blurry for a moment, before transforming into a beating heart. Illusory blood was splashing all over the place and it suddenly exploded, managing to reform into a uterus with glowing yellow ovaries. ¡°Careful brat! This is a Spark of Chaos that I found a long time ago¡­ I won¡¯t go into the gory details and I really don¡¯t wanna talk bout it. Until ya manage ta tame that Thunder Spirit out there, don¡¯t ask me bout this little monster.¡± Long Di had a surprisingly serious expression as he slowly placed his left hand against the glass and the uterus melted into a puddle of pink blood. It swiftly turned into the fist of a small girl, which continuously punched against the relatively large palm-print. I felt a sharp pain shooting up from my ass, all the way to my chest, as a bolt of crimson lightning shot out and zapped that huge, wrinkly hand. He quickly pulled away from the container and started walking towards the southern end of the wide-open basement. There was a spot with a bunch of glowing green prayer mats. The old man sat down cross-legged on the one closest to the wall. A massive mural of colorful flowers and animals was behind him. I sat down at the central mat, out of the nine that were in front of him. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, ¡°Listen Brat¡­ Cultivation takes time. Don¡¯t be in a rush ta get stronger. Don¡¯t take stupid short-cuts and limit yer future like I and so many others did¡­ Just focus on building yer foundations fer now. Ya ain¡¯t in any danger and I ain¡¯t lettin ya die from yer own stupidity. Hell, if it weren¡¯t detrimental ta yer potential, I¡¯d make ya a eunuch right now! Remember, ya gotta save yer first time for someone special¡­ Or they gotta at least be powerful! Make sure ta steal as much uh their cultivation as possible! Beware uh Succubi and Lust Demons! Fer now, it¡¯s time ta do yer breathing exercises.¡± It wasn¡¯t nearly as uncomfortable as the first time, but there also wasn¡¯t much of a difference no matter how many times I condensed the Qi in my Dantian. There was a slight improvement, though it was more like the new mana was pushing the old shit out. That dormant cloud turned into a swirling vortex and I could feel that mystical power was squirting out of my pores, not just my nostrils or mouth. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that there was a very faint aura building up and clinging to my skin. An hour or two later, I finally had to stop. By the time I took a shower and changed into some clean clothes, I noticed that Long Di was already in his room sleeping. I was supposed to go to bed, but there was still one more special exercise that I needed to do first¡­ Or maybe it was more like a ritual? Although my imagination was impressive, it was still much better to have something to look at. The basement door wasn¡¯t locked or anything like that, so I easily returned downstairs; I didn¡¯t turn on the lights though. Without tripping over anything, I crossed over to the northernmost edge of the room and started examining that Terror Pixie from as close of a distance as possible. I whispered ¡°You remind me of the little dolls I used to ¡®play¡¯ with as a kid¡­ Hmmm~, can you speak?¡± That tiny girl fluttered over to the bars and grabbed onto them, then shook the entire cage violently. Her mouth opened, yet I couldn¡¯t actually hear her making any noises. A magical soundproof barrier was preventing me from being able to tell what her mental capacity was like. The lion was still snoring quietly, the ghost-dick was smacking against its bubble, the skeleton was eerily staring at me and that Chaotic Spark was constantly changing shapes. I yawned, feeling exhausted from the long day of training and made a decision. Even though I knew it was probably wrong and a bad idea, I still pulled out my little shota-penis and began masturbating. At first, I was only interested in that angry Terror Pixie, but then that Spirit on the other side caught my attention. It turned into a Human eye at first, with a dark-violet iris. After watching my act of exhibition, it transformed into a bloody pink vagina. Since I was intrigued, I obviously walked over closer to that glass bubble and got a better view. Every now and then it would shift from an eye, to a pussy, then an asshole, and occasionally a single underdeveloped breast. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. As I nearly reached climax, I noticed that crimson sparks started jumping off of my hand and flying over towards that glass orb. It felt like a bolt of lightning struck my body and I ended up ejaculating all over the floor, then I realized that I didn¡¯t have any tissues to wipe it up with. I quickly put away my junk and ran upstairs to the bathroom, but when I came back with some toilet paper, the jizz had mysteriously vanished. Inside of the bubble was a small mouth, with a pink tongue sticking out and lucking the transparent barrier. ¡°Ugh, fucking ghosts¡­ Anyway, I should go to bed before that crazy bastard wakes up and starts beating the shit outta me.¡± *** The next month was agonizingly repetitive. I woke up to some good old fashioned child abuse, the violent kind. Then Di would prepare some kind of salad with all sorts of different vegetables and fruits, half of which he definitely didn¡¯t grow himself. Supposedly he had a bunch of storage chests in the attic and a lot of the unused rooms, which contained all sorts of food that he bought a long time ago. My mornings were always painful, because he kept making me climb up that jungle gym and try to capture that stupid fucking crimson taser skull. The bastard never had enough juice to kill me, though it still hurt like a bitch. I mean, sure, I may be a masochist, but that doesn¡¯t make me invincible! Once I either fell three stories into the sand or managed to crawl down on my own, my ¡®teacher¡¯ would use random magic tricks to heal my more serious wounds. Then he made me do pushups, jumping jacks, sit ups, lunges, and running laps around the the huge jungle gym until noon. Lunch was almost always some sort of stir-fried rice or lo mein with a wide variety of vegetables. Then I would need to start exercising outside again, at least until the sun went down. Dinner varied from spaghetti to tofu meatloaf and just about everything in between. He rarely made the same meal more than once a week, so the food was literally the only thing that changed on a daily basis. After that was the breathing technique, to slowly but steadily increase the amount of Qi in my Dantian. In fact, the organ itself was actually growing slightly larger each time, although it was hard to tell at first. Before going to bed every night, I would sneak into the basement and satisfy my primal desires. I would typically alternate between the adorably rabid Terror Pixie and the deeply disturbing Chaotic pussy-ass-mouth thing that seemed to like me. Fortunately, the old man never seemed to be able to stay up very late and he didn¡¯t catch me completing my nightly ritual. On a side note, I learned a bit more about how the world worked from that talkative old bastard. Hours, minutes and seconds were still about the same, but every day was only twenty hours long. A week was seven days, but there were only nine months per year. Each month was nine weeks, for a total of five-hundred and sixty-seven days. It took a while for me to do the math without a fucking calculator, but it was basically a tinsy bit longer than the years back on Earth. Anyway, that first month was sixty-three goddamn days of hard work, with barely any noticeable increase in physique. However, as I was doing my breathing exercises, I finally felt a significant change. ¡°Ya took long enough, Brat!¡± When I opened my eyes, the old man was pointing towards my right hand and laughing merrily. There were two black lines, indicating that I reached the second level of the Novice Stage. I smiled wryly and grumbled ¡°Terrfuckingriffic¡­ Ugh, are you sure that I can become an Apprentice before my time is up? Doesn¡¯t it get way harder to increase my level as I keep going? There¡¯s only eight months left¡­¡± ¡°Nah~, the reason yer so slow is ¡®cause yer body¡¯s so shitty and weak! Once ya lay some foundations, with yer ridiculous Innate Talent, yer rate of improvement should rise rapidly! That ain¡¯t even factoring in Spirits! Little Xiaotong out there seems ta like playing with ya, so sooner or later, she¡¯ll probably leave that damn tree-house and enter yer Dantian¡­ Ya still need ta get stronger first though! But, once ya have a Spirit Companion, you¡¯ll be able ta break through into the Apprentice Stage much more smoothly! Hehehe~, then we can start the ¡®real¡¯ training!¡± Chapter 11: Genesis Xiaotong was the name of the creepy floating red skull that I ¡®played with¡¯ every morning. Now, I knew that there was definitely some sorta fucked up story behind that thing, but Long Di would never tell me anything. He just got all serious, smacked me around a bit and sternly shouted ¡°Don¡¯t go into that shitty tree-house! It¡¯s a deathtrap!¡± Of course, I wasn¡¯t stupid enough to test out whether or not there was enough voltage to kill me and that ghost would always get angry if I came too close anyway. However, while it attempted to scare me away at first, it also started trying to keep me from leaving during the second month. I learned a bit of geography from the old man during one of my monotonous evening exercise sessions. Basically, we were on a continent that was about the size and shape of Australia from my previous life. The entire chunk of land was located close to the equator of Genesis and if it had been anything like Earth, then the whole place would have been a lot like the Amazon Rainforest or The Congo. It would have been stranger if things were exactly like the planet I came from, especially with the weirdness of Qi or mana. There were monsters, ghosts and all kinds of odd magical phenomena that didn¡¯t really make much sense unless you had a super-open mind. From what Long Di had told me about the oceans that surrounded the continent of Xian Dao, I was able to guess that Genesis was probably bigger than Earth. It was hard to tell though, since the gravity was about the same from my perspective. The only other way I knew how to judge the size, was based on the horizon, but with magic and all that crazy shit¡­ Yeah, it was possible for people to see ¡®around¡¯ the curvature of the planet for hundreds of miles or even farther. Sometimes the Qi would allow someone to see better, but other times it would cloud their vision. It just wasn¡¯t something I had the capability to test and the old man didn¡¯t even seem to understand my questions when I asked him about size of the world. The thousand acres we lived on were located a few hundred miles from the ocean to the south, east and west. That Qing Republic or whatever country that we lived in, was a big peninsula on the southeastern edge of Xian Dao. As for seasons, the entire planet would go through periods of dramatic climate change every ten years. We were in Spring, which was kind of temperate and neutral, but during the middle of Summer, it was supposed to be absurdly hot. Like, the places that were already deserts would transform into hellish lakes of molten glass and there would even be tsunamis of lava¡­ Fortunately, magic was a thing and there were a lot of Cultivators who absorbed the ¡®Yang¡¯ energy from the sun. Even though the drastic weather problems seemed terrifying to Novices and Apprentices, there were Legends and even Immortals out there. They made sure that the heavily populated areas didn¡¯t get destroyed by natural disasters, but also accidentally wiped out entire countries by accident, so it kind of all evened out in the end. An Expert like my ¡®master¡¯ wasn¡¯t quite powerful enough to make much of a difference, but we did live a few miles away from a Rank-A giant motherfucking tree-hydra monster, so it was all good. That all seemed pretty far away from me at the time though, since I had only been in that world for less than two months. I was more concerned about meeting the deadline that would decide my entire life. My muscles were becoming more defined, yet I was still pretty lanky. I was only nine years old and by my past world¡¯s standards for humanity, it was difficult to build too much bulk before puberty. Although, I had definitely seen some crazy kids who actually managed to become bodybuilders or gymnasts by the time they were my age, but they needed years to get that far. It just wouldn¡¯t have been realistic for me to start learning any sort of martial arts, spells or anything at that point, because I hadn¡¯t even reached the Apprentice Stage yet. Sure, those Clans, Sects and Academies began forcing children much younger than me into practicing techniques, but they also didn¡¯t need to struggle so hard to make the deadline. Not only did they have magical drugs, there were also Legacies and rituals to help them practically skip past the first two Stages. Reaching Adept before twenty was pretty easy if you had the proper resources or talent, but getting to Expert before thirty was a lot different. From what he told me, at least ninety-percent of all Humans have Red Innate Talent. Even if they try their hardest, it¡¯s practically impossible for them to become Apprentices. In fact, even among the bigger forces throughout the continent, if someone is born without at least Orange, they¡¯ll be abandoned or used as political tools, maybe even sacrificed for some fucked up ritual. This is something that happens the moment that they¡¯re born; they don¡¯t even get a chance to prove themselves or try and defy fate. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Of course, Long Di also mentioned that some people believed in Karma, so they would intentionally be kind to the less fortunate. On the other hand, there¡¯s groups who think that if a person has bad luck or a terrible life, then they must have done something to deserve being mistreated. The majority are always indifferent and neutral though. He didn¡¯t know for certain, but there were supposedly about three billion Humans who lived in Xian Dao. The Qing Republic only had a population of thirty million; the majority of that was concentrated in the capitol and other large cities. Most of the land was privately owned by Sects and Clans, although there was a good portion that was the territory of powerful Beasts. Almost all of the farmers were forced to pay absurd taxes and weren¡¯t much better off than back when they were serfs. However, they had no possible way to defend themselves from bandits or monsters and they also didn¡¯t have any say in the matter, since no one could stand up to an overbearing government that was backed by powerful Cultivators. The old man knew an awful lot about the current politics for someone who supposedly had been hidden away from civilization for centuries. *** By the end of the second month, I became a level-three Novice. Di was satisfied with my smooth progress, but I started to feel really anxious. The fact was, I was already nine years old when I arrived on Genesis, yet I had no idea when I was actually born. That fear intensified when I learned the names of those nine months. The first was called Ao, which was supposedly some sort of giant turtle monster. Some people believed that the entire continent of Xian Dao was resting on the back of that enormous creature and it takes the Godbeast ten years to swim around the planet. That was their explanation on how seasons worked, though it sounded totally ridiculous to me. Under that scenario, it would have felt like we were constantly having an earthquake and how would the volcanoes even work? Anyway, I arrived on the first day of that first month, so it should have indicated that I was given a whole year, right? Except the names of the subsequent months made me nervous. Dilong was an Earth Dragon, which was literally the size of Earth. Then there was Fucanglong, the treasure dragon; I wasn¡¯t too worried about that one cause I was totally penniless. Jiaolong was a Flood Dragon and it looked like a huge alligator with whiskers on its face. Shenlong was a giant blue serpentine dragon that caused rainstorms and stuff like that. It had two legs for some reason, whiskers and horns on its head. Zhulong was a red Chinese-style species of dragon that supposedly illuminated the three moons. Okay, now the first six were a little suspicious, but Chi was the first one that really bothered me. I saw a painting of a few in Di¡¯s house and they all just looked like giant snakes. Tianlong was a ¡®celestial dragon¡¯ and it appeared eerily similar to a certain massive green serpent¡­ The last one was Jiangliu, a nine-headed hydra that lives in the ocean. My instincts were screaming at me to hurry the fuck up with my training and break into the Apprentice Stage as quickly as possible. The old man wouldn¡¯t give me any herbs or magical drugs because he didn¡¯t want to damage my overpowered Innate Talent. Aside from that, he seemed overly confident that I would be able to easily get past Novice. *** On the third of Fucanglong is when I finally made my decision to speed things up a bit. It was a dark and stormy night, with lightning constantly streaking across the sky. I was sitting cross-legged on the middle of my bed and gazing out the window. That entire jungle gym was strobing constantly, while the tree-house at the top had red and purple arcs of electricity jumping off of it. I opened my window and could hear the wind and thunder much more clearly. The bed wasn¡¯t right up against the wall, so when the rain sprayed inside, it only got the hardwood floor a little wet. More importantly, the storm was exciting the Nature Qi and making my breathing exercises seem much more effective. There were plenty of other Elements as well, but my Dantian wouldn¡¯t absorb them. Even though I kept cycling the mana through my my body, it was still a really slow process. Whenever I felt a cramping sensation in my gut, I would stop for a few minutes, before starting again. Everything was going smoothly for a while and I even started to slip into a state of meditation, but then I heard someone whispering into my left ear. Chapter 12: Little Xiaotong ¡°I¡¯m scared¡­ I don¡¯t wanna be alone¡­ Don¡¯t leave me alone¡­ It hurts¡­ Help me¡­¡± It sounded like the voice of a little girl, but when I turned my head and jumped away, there was nothing there. After standing up off of the floor and being thankful that I didn¡¯t break my arm, I let out a long sigh. ¡°Goddamn it, I must have passed out¡­¡± Whenever I¡¯m about to go to sleep, I always have creepy auditory hallucinations, so I didn¡¯t really worry about it too much. I just went back to cultivating, while listening to the sound of thunder and watching the beautiful light-show in the sky. However, right when I closed my eyes, I felt a freezing cold breeze brush past my face. Considering that it was super-warm outside, I immediately looked around to see what the hell was going on. Unfortunately, nothing was out of the ordinary, aside from the aching pain on my left cheek. I reached up and felt a bunch of swollen bumps, so I quickly went into the bathroom to take a look in the mirror. ¡°What the fuck?!¡± It looked like a bite mark, but it was more like someone branded me with some scalding hot metal teeth. When I touched the wound again, I saw a bright-red skull floating behind my shoulder for a moment. The instant I blinked, it was gone and I couldn''t help grumbling ¡°Shit¡­ Ugh, I¡¯m probably gonna regret this¡­¡± I didn¡¯t bother putting on a shirt or pants, since it wouldn¡¯t have made a difference anyway. Also, Di hadn¡¯t given me any shoes to wear or even sandals. He claimed that it was better to build up the toughness of my feet, in order to practice martial arts. The doors were locked and sealed shut with some kind of weird magic, so I had to climb out my window. My room was on the first floor, so it wasn¡¯t that big of a deal. Then I started walking towards that giant jungle gym in the distance. When I touched the metal, I felt a sharp pinch on my right hand and a tiny arc of static jumped off onto me. However, it wasn¡¯t enough to actually cause any damage; I was already used to it by then. Xiaotong had zapped me so many times that I really did build up some kind of resistance to electricity, though I didn¡¯t want to find out what real lightning felt like. As I gazed up at that tree-house, I saw a crimson skull occasionally popping out of the circular door, to make sure that I was still there. Then it would go back inside, as if it was hiding from me. I took a deep breath and muttered ¡°It¡¯s gonna fine¡­ This is just a part of my training¡­ If I don¡¯t go up and catch that bitch now, then she¡¯ll probably be mad at me for a while. I need a Spirit Companion as soon as possible¡­ Like that crazy old bastard said, cultivation is all about taking risks!¡± That¡¯s a lie, he actually told me ¡°Don¡¯t take risks ya stupid Brat! Ya got that there Heavenly potential, so don¡¯t waste it chasing after Worldly bullshit!¡± I¡¯m pretty sure he was just lecturing me about staying a virgin though. Anyway, I grabbed hold of those slippery metal bars and began climbing the thirty-meter long ladder. As I reached the bottom of the tree-house, a bolt of lightning struck the metal rod on the top of it; arcs of crimson electricity jumped off of the wood and hit my right shoulder. It shot out through the bottom of my shoulder blade and I thought that I was going to die for a moment there. However, aside from a few horrible burns and losing all feeling in my right arm, I was perfectly fine. ¡°Cuntballs, ugh~, no, no~, it¡¯s all good¡­ I¡¯ll get Di to heal me tomorrow¡­¡± I only stopped for a few seconds, before continuing upwards. When my left hand reached inside of that circular door, I felt a familiar pinching sensation on my knuckles. My right arm was totally useless, so I had to use a decent amount of strength to pull myself into the hole. ¡°I¡¯m scared¡­ Don¡¯t leave me alone, please¡­ It¡¯s so painful¡­ Help me¡­¡± That same voice was whispering into my mind again, as I glanced around the surprisingly spacious room. There were paper talismans all over the walls, floor and ceiling, but most of them were either torn apart or faded to brown. The glowing red skull was munching on my hand and illuminating the darkness in front of me. At the farthest wall away from the door, I saw a headless skeleton sitting cross-legged on the ground. All of the bones were charred black and arcs of crimson lightning constantly jumped off of them. Judging by the size, I could tell that the person hadn¡¯t been much older than myself, or maybe they were just a perma-loli. I ignored the ghost and walked over to the remains, reached down and picked up the jade dragon ornament that was resting to the left side. It was a cute little figurine that seemed to exude a powerful aura of Nature. However, the moment when I gazed into the crimson orb it was holding in its hands, a beam of red light shot into my eyes. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°Ow, fucking holograms!¡± I quickly aimed it towards the center of the room and saw the projection of a very young teenage girl. My vision was all blurry for a while after that, but it was still better than in my past life, so I was able to cope rather easily. It didn¡¯t surprise me that the kid was Asian, from what Di told me, it seemed like most Humans on Genesis were. She was pretty, though I didn¡¯t notice anything particularly special about her appearance. Her irises glowed bright-orange, she had long and straight black hair, with pale white skin. She was wearing nothing but a black sports bra and tight yoga pants. That girl reminded me of a certain old man who usually walked around shirtless all the time. As she placed the ¡®camera¡¯ down onto the floor, she sat down cross-legged and closed her eyes. After sighing dramatically, she seemed to gaze directly at me. Of course, that was just because I was holding the jade dragon trinket in my hands. ¡°Grandpa Di, I¡¯m sorry¡­ I¡¯m sorry that I¡¯ve caused you so much trouble over the years¡­ I¡¯m sorry for being so useless and lazy¡­ I know you would be willing to die in order to protect me, but I can¡¯t let you do that. If you¡¯re watching this, then I couldn¡¯t break through¡­ Please, don¡¯t be mad at Sparky! It wasn¡¯t her fault that I died! Don¡¯t lock her up in the Spirit Vault¡­ I know you hate Momma and the Rong Clan, but please don¡¯t do anything stupid! Everything happens for a reason¡­ and Karma never spares anyone. Maybe someday¡­ I¡¯ll see you again. I love you Grandpa¡­¡± By the end of the holographic message, there were tears streaming down that girl¡¯s cheeks. I put the badass magical dragon-camera thing back down next to the corpse and stared at the ¡®Thunder Spirit¡¯ that was still nibbling on my left hand. Then I walked over and sat down in the middle of the room, waiting for my right arm to regain some feeling, before prying the translucent skull off of me. ¡°Are you Sparky? Di always calls you Xiaotong though¡­ So what¡¯s your real name? Hmmm~, we¡¯re you that little girl?¡± No matter how many questions I asked the ghost, it didn¡¯t seem to understand anything. It just constantly struggled to escape my grasp and kept trying to bite me, while electrocuting my palms. From the way that old bastard explained things, a soul needs to latch onto something physical in order to stay tethered. Since there was a headless skeleton a few feet away and I was holding a similarly sized skull, it wasn¡¯t too hard to put the pieces together. Basically, the girl probably died while trying to use some kind of dangerous method to break through into either the Adept of Expert Stage, though it was most likely the former. All of those talismans were either to preserve her corpse or to keep her soul from escaping after she died. Sparky was most likely that creepy and sexy ¡®Spark of Chaos¡¯ that I masturbated to every night¡­ I mean, maybe if Long Di wasn¡¯t so cryptic every time I asked him about that thing, it might have been more difficult to find the connection. Either way, none of that really mattered. I gazed into those empty red sockets and smiled, whispering ¡°My name is Levi Ares¡­ Don¡¯t worry kid¡­ You won¡¯t have to be alone ever again. Become my Spirit Companion and give your pain to me, you¡¯ve suffered for far too long already¡­¡± The skull split in half and transformed into two red bolts of lightning. Both of my hands were burnt black, while the veins and arteries in my arms all burst open, creating beautiful crimson tree patterns. My lungs collapsed and my heart stopped beating, then it felt like my intestines were ripped to shreds and finally, the Thunder Spirit reached my Dantian. At that moment, when I was on the brink of death, it was almost as if my consciousness managed to reach inside of my body and metaphysically see what was happening. Within that spherical organ, there had been a swirling vortex of bright-green gas. I watched as a crimson skull materialized at the very center. When it opened its mouth, that tempest was slowly sucked inside. All of my cultivation had been consumed, yet shortly afterwards, Xiaotong started spewing out a dark-red fog. Eventually, the skull started turning black and seemingly losing power. It felt like my head was going to explode, then thousands of crimson lightning bolts started shooting out from the clouds within my Dantian, continuously striking upon that obsidian cranium. Chapter 13: Spiritual Companionship ¡°You stupid fucking brat!¡± That familiar raspy voice pulled me out of an awesome sex-dream. I was having a foursome with a centaur, a snake-woman and a spider-girl, but then an ugly old man appeared. Even though I wanted to say something sarcastic and offensive, I couldn¡¯t even open my mouth. ¡°There ain¡¯t no point tryin ta move, Kid, yer paralyzed. Didn¡¯t I tell ya ta never go into that death-trap?! Especially not during a freakin thunderstorm! I can¡¯t believe ya even tried ta absorb a Spirit without me there ta make sure ya don¡¯t die!¡± I do sort of remember him mentioning those things¡­ ¡°If I didn¡¯t wake up in time, you¡¯d be dead already! Hell, ya still might not make it at this rate¡­ Yer probably gonna have brain damage, since yer heart and lungs weren¡¯t working for at least an hour or two. I had ta use Lingzhi Hookworms ta get rid uh the necrotic tissue and put ya back together. Well, yer foundations were still garbage and yer young, so ya didn¡¯t really lose too much¡­¡± I slipped in and out of consciousness for a while, but Di wasn¡¯t there most of the time. Finally, there was just darkness. For a while, I thought that maybe I died and wound up back in that empty void. ¡°Levi¡­ Don¡¯t leave me¡­ I¡¯m scared of the dark¡­¡± A translucent bright-red skull appeared in front of me, so I tried to reach out and grab it by instinct. Unfortunately, it seemed like I didn¡¯t have any arms. The most I could do was just slowly float towards ¡®her¡¯. ¡°Xiaotong, don¡¯t be afraid¡­ Come here.¡± It had been so long since I heard my old voice, I was starting to think that I always sounded like a child. That tiny Spirit flew over to my face and split in half, transforming into two bolts of lighting, which zapped my eyeballs. ¡°Ow~!¡± I immediately sat upright and glanced around me. The old man was sitting in a rocking chair beside my bed and woke up after hearing me yell. ¡°Finally! I was worried ya might have slipped into a coma again!¡± The first thing I did was check my left hand and saw the symbol that meant ¡®nine¡¯. After breathing out a sigh of relief, I looked at the back of my right hand and frowned. I turned to Di and asked ¡°What the hell does this mean? Kinda looks like Japanese¡­ Wait, how long was I asleep? I don¡¯t even see any scars¡­¡± He snickered, reaching out and slapping me in the mouth. Then he grumbled ¡°Ya damn moron! Do ya have any idea how hard it was ta keep ya from dying?! Yer meridians were wrecked, so I had ta make new ones for ya! All yer vital organs aside from yer Dantian were trashed¡­ I had ta make a deal with an old frenemy in order ta save ya! Well, it was still worth it¡­ You¡¯ve been outta it fer a month now. Hehehe~, I knew ya were special, and not just in yer head! Ya actually managed ta make Little Xiaotong yer Spirit Companion! Not just that, but even when ya were on yer deathbed, ya still kept cultivating properly. I¡¯m proud uh ya! ¡°Even after all them drugs, yer Innate Talent is still intact somehow.¡± My body felt a lot more powerful and I noticed that Di didn¡¯t seem quite as gigantic anymore. He smirked and told me ¡°Now listen up, Kid, this is important. Yer officially a Shaman now! So I guess it¡¯s time ta tell ya a few secrets¡­ First off, Spirits make us stronger. That¡¯s a little obvious, but still¡­ It also means that we need ta generate more energy and Qi in order ta sustain them. Spirits have Innate Talent too, but it changes as they Evolve, same thing as Beasts. For example, Little Xiaotong is only a bright-red Rank-G Thunder Spirit right now. She¡¯s been around for hundreds uh years and hasn¡¯t been able to Evolve on her own yet. That¡¯s cause she¡¯s weak as shit.¡± I smiled wryly, muttering ¡°Yet she still nearly killed me¡­ So I¡¯m guessing that¡¯s why you said that you couldn¡¯t keep up with Leo?¡± ¡°Yeah, when he was a kitten his Innate Talent was terrible. I honestly didn¡¯t have much hope for him, but well, I was already a peak-level Expert at the time. Course, I also had other Spirits back then¡­ It ain¡¯t like Spirits are invincible, nor do they need ta stay with ya forever. Sometimes they pass on willingly, or get destroyed in battle¡­ Leo could¡¯ve left me ages ago, but he¡¯s too damn attached. I¡¯m afraid that he might be planning to die with me¡­ Then there¡¯s Necromancers and Exorcists. If you ever encounter either of those assholes, be careful. They might be able ta sense the ghosts ¡®haunting¡¯ ya. The Necros will wanna kill ya and enslave yer Spirits, while the Exorcists would either try and ¡®save¡¯ ya or execute ya for being a Shaman.¡± The old man suddenly pulled out a hand-mirror from his storage ring and held it up to my face. My hair had grown down to my nipples and my upper-body seemed a bit more defined, but the most important thing was that my irises were glowing slightly bright-red, instead of dark-violet. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. He snickered, explaining ¡°Don¡¯t worry, this is just a side-effect¡­ When ya have a Spirit in yer Dantian, its Innate Talent will mask yer own. That¡¯s one uh the main reasons I wanted ya ta catch Little Xiaotong¡­ I also wanted ta finally be able ta bury my granddaughter. I know ya watched that damn recording, so there¡¯s no use tryin ta hide it from ya. Rong Xiaotong was the name of my daughter¡¯s oldest kid. Her talent was about the same as mine and she was an Apprentice Shaman¡­ The stupid brat had seven more years ta become an Adept, but she was being pressured by her mother and those shitty Rong Clan fuckers! Whatever, the point is that she died and purposefully trapped her soul within that tree-house, until she eventually lost all her memories and became a Spirit. Whether that ghost is still the same girl I knew or not, I honestly don¡¯t have any idea¡­¡± As he said the words ¡®Rong Clan¡¯, I felt a strong urge rising up from deep within my gut. All my muscles tensed up, while I clenched my teeth and fists uncontrollably. Once he finished talking, I let out a long sigh and tried to calm myself down a bit. Then I heard a little girl murmuring ¡°I hate the Rong Clan¡­ I want them all to die. Levi needs to kill them for me, okay?¡± Apparently the old man couldn¡¯t hear that, because he just continued speaking. ¡°There ain¡¯t no real limit ta how many Spirit Companions ya can have at one time. It all depends on whether or not ya can keep em all interested in staying with ya. They all want different things. For example, that freakin Terror Pixie¡­ If ya wanted ta form a bond with her, you¡¯d probably have ta go massacre a village or two. Which is something that ya ain¡¯t gonna do! I wouldn¡¯t even need ta step in, cause Long Bai would kill ya himself! As long as yer a lot stronger than them though, Spirits will usually be attracted ta ya even if ya don¡¯t want em ta be. Now get up! Ya wasted enough time already!¡± Oddly enough, my body wasn¡¯t even slightly sore. It felt more like I got twelve hours of sleep, not sixty days. He put the rocking chair and mirror back into his overpowered magical ring and stood up, quickly leaving the room. I was totally naked, but considering that I was basically in a coma, that wasn¡¯t very surprising. The weird thing was that my bed seemed surprisingly clean, as if it was brand new. As I stood up, there was a surge of electricity that shot throughout my body. Red sparks jumped across my fingers and ran up my arms, before going back inside of me. However, I couldn¡¯t tell if they were ¡®real¡¯ or illusory. When I looked out my window, I could see that it was dark and Khonsu was high in the night sky. That particular moon was Khonsu, the one with blue oceans and crimson continents. Since there was no way for me to tell how far it actually was from me, it could have been another planet for all I knew. Then I noticed that the jungle gym was totally destroyed and that tree-house at the top was completely gone. The sand had been turned into glass and the metal bars were melted down into a clump. Honestly, it seemed even more like a modern art sculpture. Instead of putting clothes on right away, I went over to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I also had to piss pretty badly, though my urine was pitch-black and smelled worse than a rotting corpse. It literally felt like I was shitting out of my dick or maybe just passing like twenty kidney stones at the same time. As I screamed in agony, I heard Di laughing outside the bathroom door. He yelled ¡°Oh yeah, I forgot ta tell ya bout the side effects of them herbs I gave ya! Don¡¯t worry though, yer just cleansing the toxins from yer body¡­ Should only last another few days! Hang in there kid! Hahaha~!¡± It felt so disgusting that I had to take another shower after pissing out that tar. After getting out of the bathroom, I went back to my room and picked out one of the generic white, button-up t-shirts, plus a pair of black boxers and brown pants. By the time I made it to the kitchen, the old man had cooked up so much food that the entire table was full of steaming bowls. There was all sorts of soups: Wonton, egg-drop, hot and sour, miso, and ramen. I could tell that aside from the ¡®normal¡¯ ingredients, there were also plenty of special spices mixed in. When he saw me playing with a weird-looking mushroom with my chopsticks, Di bragged ¡°I¡¯ve been savin a lotta these Rank-G herbs in case ya had trouble breaking through in time, though that probably won¡¯t be a problem anymore. Pills and drugs might be more potent, but if ya know how ta cook em right, herbs and other ingredients can be used without worrying about the side-effects.¡± Chapter 14: Hardcore Leveling As we ate, Di constantly yammered on about ¡®Herbs¡¯. Apparently, pretty much any kind of plant, fungus and even cultures of bacteria can be considered Herbs. Just like Beasts and Spirits, they have an alphabetical ranking system. However, the main difference is that ¡®Mortal¡¯ Herbs don¡¯t have the ability to gain sentience on their own, no matter how powerful they become. It¡¯s possible for Spirits to possess them under certain circumstances, but for the most part, they just require a lot of time. Any random mushroom or tree could be considered an Unranked Herb. It isn¡¯t really anything special. For it to evolve the first time, it has to be able to live for at least ten years. Similar to the runes on a Human¡¯s left hand, it isn¡¯t possible to accelerate the process. There are a lot of ways to keep the plant, fungi, or whatever alive though. An apple-tree probably wouldn¡¯t have much trouble staying alive for ten years, but the difficulty would be in keeping the fruit intact and attached to the branches for that long. Once an Herb reaches Rank-G, it¡¯s useful to Cultivators in the Novice Stage, but worthless to Apprentices. Rank-F takes around fifty years, Rank-E needs a century, Rank-D takes five-hundred years and the list goes on in pattern like that for a while. Basically, even the worst Herbs are expensive as fuck and hard as hell to cultivate! I¡¯m guessing that whoever or whatever created the rules that everyone needs to follow, decided that people, Spirits and Beasts shouldn¡¯t rely on drugs to get stronger. Typically, only Clans and Sects had the power to mass-produce Herbs for their descendants. Even a Legend wouldn¡¯t be able to live long enough to grow a crop that was useful to an Expert. As I was eating the hot and sour soup, I noticed that the taste was incredible. The potent Nature mana within the broth made me feel like my Dantian was going to burst, yet the pain quickly died down. When red sparks jumped off of my hands I immediately asked ¡°Hey, is this supposed to happen? It kinda seems like¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s one uh the perks uh being a Shaman! Normal Cultivators need to pick a single Element and focus on it for a long time. If their Cultivation Method takes more than one at a time, their progress is usually a lot slower than the simpler ones. Shamans though¡­ We can concentrate on whatever Element we like best, while our Spirits fill in the gaps. I¡¯ve never bothered with anything but pure Nature and Leo used Light, there were others too¡­ The point is that we¡¯re just plain better than regular people! Hahaha~!¡± I noticed that the whole time we were eating dinner, Di seemed overly happy for some reason. It was then that I noticed the symbol on the back of my right hand appeared again, but it quickly changed into something different. When I held it up and showed the old man, he told me ¡°Congrats, Brat! Ya just made it ta level-seven!¡± Hearing that, I sighed dramatically, complaining ¡°You¡¯ve been teaching me about all sorts of random shit, but I still can¡¯t read or write yet! Since my progress seems to be going faster than expected, maybe you should show me how the numbers work at least?¡± He frowned, grumbling ¡°Hell no! Waste yer time learning that kinda shit later! Even though it seems like ya might make it to Apprentice within a few months, ya still need ta focus on gettin stronger more than anything else! Now hurry up and finish eatin! We gotta get ta work!¡± I smiled wryly and nodded in consent, since I still had no idea when my birthday actually was. The worst possible scenario was that I was about to break through and turned ten before I got the chance. Although, maybe the more severe situation would be dying, but I¡¯ve already done that at least once before. Once our meal was done with, I followed the old man downstairs. I thought he was going to make me do breathing exercises, but instead he pointed towards all of the random equipment in the room and said ¡°It¡¯s finally time ta start weight-training! When I was a kid, my father made me use heavy rocks ta do all kinds uh stupid shit! I don¡¯t even remember how many times I got hurt and lost precious training time¡­ Hell, I might¡¯ve become a freakin Master if I didn¡¯t break my legs after falling off a cliff!¡± ¡°Oh sweet, yeah, I¡¯ve been to a gym before, so I already know how to use all this stuff¡­ Do you have anything specific that you think I should work on? Or do you want me to just do everything?¡± There were a few weird devices that I hadn¡¯t seen before, but most of it was pretty basic. Plenty of benches with barbells, there was a whole wall of differently sized and weighted dumbbells, even gymnastics equipment was all over the place. Di brought me over to the easternmost wall, which had a bunch of black robes hanging from it. He tied them individually around each of my wrists, upper arms, ankles, and thighs, then my waist and the top of my head. Once it was all set up, I had to try and run away from the wall, while those stretchy ropes were pulling me back. After an hour of that, he brought me over to the wall of dumbbells and told me ¡°In order to reach the peak of the Novice Stage, ya basically need ta be as strong as a full-grown adult. On average, ya need ta be able ta curl about forty pounds with each arm, bench-press two-hundred at least once and deadlift about three-hundred. I¡¯ll be making sure that yer muscles are all as balanced as possible, but those are the three tests that¡¯ll tell ya how powerful yer body is gettin.¡± I let out a sigh of relief when I heard that. Then I snickered, muttering ¡°I totally thought I was gonna need to be able to punch holes in steel plates or some crazy shit like that¡­¡± A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. The old man smirked, ¡°Don¡¯t worry Kid, the most important thing is not hurtin yourself again. Little Xiaotong and them herbs gave ya a pretty big boost, but it¡¯s better not ta take those kinds uh risks! Now let¡¯s start with the twenty-pounders!¡± As it turns out, even though my body felt a lot stronger than before, I was still just a nine-year old brat. My leverage was terrible, since I only weighed about eighty pounds. However, I had an advantage that practically made me superhuman: Qi! Stamina was always my weakest point in my last life, but in the new one, I could workout for hours without getting tired. I did eventually get hungry and need to eat. While Di was sleeping upstairs, I was in the basement, using every exercise machine in the whole damn basement! I still had to piss out that disgusting black gunk every forty minutes and I needed to keep myself hydrated with gallons of iced ginseng tea, but I didn¡¯t take any breaks. Hell, I didn¡¯t even stop to masturbate, because I was literally addicted to working out. Not only that, but I also felt an instinctive urge that I hadn¡¯t experienced for a long time. My hardcore grinding powers were kicking in! Whether it was back when I learned how to play guitar, when I first wanted to be a bodybuilder, that MMORPG I used to play, or well, any video game, I always felt that way. There was a switch in my brain that had turned from extreme laziness, to dangerously severe obsessive compulsive disorder! I had a goal and my only desire was to achieve it as quickly as possible. Three whole days passed before I finally needed to sleep. The old man didn¡¯t seem to think my almost delirious state was unhealthy at all. In fact, he encouraged me to keep going for as long as I could. Apparently, some of the Herbs in that soup were designed to cause muscles to regenerate much more quickly than normal. For an entire month, I would do nothing but stay in the basement and use all sorts of exercise equipment. On the first day of Jiaolong, I reached level-eight of the Novice Stage. I could already curl thirty pounds, bench one-fifty and deadlift two-hundred. It wasn¡¯t fast enough though, because I couldn¡¯t make myself grow taller. If it was in my old world, I probably would have gotten bored or given up around that time. However, the biggest difference was that I wasn¡¯t competing with anyone and I wasn¡¯t just trying to get in shape¡­ I was racing against a ticking clock, which was counting down faster each day. The more time passed, the more frantically I trained my body. I had no way of knowing when that fucking symbol on my left hand would change into a cross! It was easy to tell that Di was nervous too, because he stopped talking about random shit. He only urged me to push myself harder, even using various techniques to make sure that I could keep building up my muscles, bones and ligaments constantly. Every Rank-G Herb he had in his possession went towards making me stronger. Xiaotong was terrified the entire time, crying ¡°Levi, I¡¯m scared! Go faster! Don¡¯t stop! You¡¯re running out of time!¡± Even though Spirits lose their memories from their past life, there are certain things that can¡¯t be forgotten: Hatred, fear, agony, love, especially emotions and desires related to their death. That little girl died while cultivating, because she was struggling to escape a much worse fate. Obviously that sense of dread that comes along with trying to meet a deadline was deeply embedded into her soul. The Diary of Destiny King! Facebook! The Dao of Eros Immortal Soul! Hardcore OP-ness The Vanilla God! Questing! Stories That I Follow! Wattpad! Chapter 15: Leaving Dis House Halfway through Jiaolong, I managed to reach level-nine. Gathering and condensing Qi in my Dantian was just a natural reflex by that point. Only when my muscles, bones and organs reached the proper strength, would my level be able to increase properly. According to Di, I had about a fifty-percent chance of failing my first attempt to break through to the Apprentice Stage. The good news was that even if I fucked up, it was unlikely that I would cripple myself or explode. Also, with my overpowered Innate Talent, I could get back to the peak in less than a week if I needed to. On the seventh of Shenlong, the old man finally told me ¡°Alright Kid, enough! Damn, I know I told ya ta hurry, but yer gonna have a stroke at this rate! Come on, ya gotta calm down¡­ It ain¡¯t good ta rush too much. Besides that, ya ain¡¯t even gone outside since Fucanglong! The Qi down here is gettin stale¡­ I¡¯m too old ta keep doin this shit! Ugh, let¡¯s go¡­ I¡¯ll take ya ta see an old friend uh mine. I didn¡¯t wanna let her meet ya so soon, but¡­ Well, she¡¯s a fortune teller. By just tasting yer blood, she can tell exactly how old ya are, down ta the date and hour.¡± I stopped curling the thirty-five pound dumbbells and gazed up at Di¡¯s wrinkly face. Then put them down and yelled ¡°Wait a second, you¡­ Why didn¡¯t you do this like four months ago?! I almost died because I was so fucking anxious about this!¡± He smacked me in the mouth for the first time in a few weeks and shouted ¡°This is why! Ya rude brat! I was afraid you¡¯d start saying all kinds uh weird shit ta her! If she knew bout yer Innate Talent¡­ Who the hell knows what¡¯d happen?! The ugly old hag might try ta rape ya! Or maybe she¡¯ll¡­ ugh. I¡¯ve gotten ta know ya a lot better since then, okay? Ya acted like you¡¯d be willing ta screw anything that had a pussy when we first met! Since ya haven¡¯t tried ta molest any uh my mares yet, I don¡¯t think you¡¯d actually do anything ta that bitch¡­ Before we leave though, I need ta cut yer damn hair!¡± Every month I needed to get a haircut, or it would get so long that it might have actually gotten stuck in the weight-training equipment. Well, it was also really annoying, so if Di didn¡¯t do anything, I would just shave it off with a straight-razor. After taking a shower, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and smirked. My face was still extremely feminine, though my wet hair was so short that it was all spiky. I used a towel to dry myself off and let out a long sigh, muttering ¡°Xiaotong, what do you ¡®desire¡¯ more than anything else? What is it that keeps you in this world?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know¡­ I wanna get stronger I guess? I feel so weak¡­ powerless. What does Levi wanna do?¡± Even though I could see a crimson skull floating in the mirror behind my left shoulder, I knew that she wasn¡¯t really there. From what the old man told me, it was impossible for a Spirit Companion to leave a Shaman¡¯s body while they were still in the Novice Stage. At least not unless the ghost severed the connection and abandoned their host. Spirits were basically Qi parasites afterall. ¡°But is that all you want? I mean, sure, my immediate goal is to make it past this damn deadline, but there are other things that I desire. Like, I¡¯m really getting tired of this fucking vegetarian diet¡­ I miss sushi, sashimi, hell, I¡¯d settle for some fried chicken! Di¡¯s a great chef, but I feel like the reason it¡¯s taking so long for me to get stronger might have to do with a lack of animal protein¡­ Actually, I¡¯d probably be better off eating a Rank-G Beast or two, right?¡± The translucent skull whispered ¡°I, I don¡¯t know? Can I eat stuff too? What does eating feel like? Is it better than your cleansing ritual? Your Qi always seems so happy when you practice your secret technique¡­¡± I sighed, staring into those empty sockets and murmuring ¡°Xiaotong, don¡¯t worry¡­ When you get stronger, I¡¯ll teach you how to train your Ero-Qi too.¡± Even though she was probably two-hundred years older than me, it still felt like I was taking advantage of a little kid for some strange reason. ¡°Okay~! I can¡¯t wait! Hehehe~...¡± It was hard to tell if she was really naive and innocent, or trying to trick me into giving my super-virginity to her¡­ I knew that she wasn¡¯t as ¡®childish¡¯ as she pretended to be, but then again, her Element was Chaos. Generally, that meant that she was much more prone to psychosis, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and a host of other mental illnesses. Of course, it varied from person to person and she didn¡¯t have a physical body, so I had no idea if the side-effects were better or worse because of that. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. However, I did manage to learn how to ¡®safely¡¯ enter that strange state where I could look inside of my Dantian. Working out didn¡¯t require too much thought, so I had plenty of time to focus on other things. Anyway, what I discovered was that there was a powerful synergy between Xiaotong and I. My Innate Talent was way ahead of hers, but that wasn¡¯t necessarily a bad thing. When I breathed or ate and drank anything, it would all get turned into Nature Qi within my Dantian. It was essentially a swirling orb of green gas. Within that viridescent tempest was a relatively small crimson skull, which was being carried all over the place by the currents. One of Di¡¯s fun facts that he loved to ramble on about, was opposing Elements and their synergistic effects. Obviously he was never very eloquent in his teachings, but at least he spoke English. Or maybe he didn¡¯t? Whatever, that doesn¡¯t really matter. The point is that Natural Qi was at least twice as effective for Chaotic beings to cultivate with. Once Xiaotong was totally filled-up, she would spew out a dark-red electric fog. Compared to the green storm, those tiny crimson clouds seemed insignificant, yet they were extremely dense. Another weird thing was that there didn¡¯t seem to be any gravity influencing it, so the scarlet gaseous core formed within the very center of that viridescent orb. In case you were wondering, yes, that is a good thing. All those levels, Stages and Ranks in the Mortal Realm came from condensing Qi. That basically meant that the denser it became, the stronger a Human, Spirit or Beast would be. Anyway, once I was done brushing my teeth, I opened the door and went to find some clean clothes: A white button-up short-sleeved shirt, black boxers and some dark-blue jean-shorts. Honestly, I still had no idea what the manufacturing technology was like at the time. The old man barely wore anything, but the styles were always so random that it didn¡¯t make any sense to me. Sometimes he used a karate gi, he also had plaid shorts and sunglasses occasionally, I even saw him wear a toga before. As I came out of my room, I asked ¡°What the actual fuck are you wearing?¡± Di was shirtless, with nine huge glowing green prayer beads around his neck. There was a giant deer skull covering his face and head. Those antlers had purple perennials growing all over it and the vines were constantly moving very slowly. Seven white translucent serpents were dangling from the back of the helmet and I could still see his long braided beard hanging from the front. His bright-orange irises were illuminating the eye sockets of that creepy skull. The old man held a gnarled wooden staff in his right hand and both his wrists were covered with onyx-bead bracelets. Instead of pants or shorts, he was wearing a kilt that was made entirely out of small, reflective golden feathers. He even wore shoes for once, though they looked more like the paws of a grizzly bear. He sighed, complaining ¡°This ain¡¯t a fuckin vacation! If that crazy bitch decides ta try some shit¡­ Well, she¡¯s a peak-level Master, so Long Bai would save ya, but I wouldn¡¯t be so lucky! She¡¯s that ¡®frenemy¡¯ I told ya about¡­ I was hoping that ya wouldn¡¯t meet her till after I was already dead. Hmmm, here, put on some sandals at least, cause it¡¯s gonna be a long walk.¡± Two flip-flops appeared out of nowhere and fell down in front of my feet, so I immediately tried them on. They didn¡¯t seem particularly magical or anything, just leather, though they were surprisingly comfortable. It was pretty early in the morning, so it was actually still dark outside. Before we left, the Di had to feed all of his cats, dogs and other miscellaneous semi-domesticated animals. After walking through the southern wilderness for an hour or so, I wondered ¡°Wait a second, you¡¯ve got like ten horses, so why the fuck aren¡¯t we riding any of them?¡± The old man used his left hand to smack me in the back of the head, then yelled ¡°Stop cursing, ya little bastard! My horses ain¡¯t for riding! Besides, it¡¯s only a few dozen miles, we¡¯ll be there in a couple days!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you have some kind of flying swords or maybe a magical Ghost Ship we can use?¡± After hearing my question, he started laughing hysterically and patted me on the back. That night was the first time that I ever went camping... Chapter 16: Camping Apparently, each of those tiny black beads on Di¡¯s ten bracelets was a separate ¡®storage device¡¯, though they couldn¡¯t hold much compared to his ring. There was food, water, iced tea, Herbs, spices and just about everything else. Every bracelet could hold about as much as a large backpack. When it was finally time to stop walking for the night, he took out two sleeping bags and some sort of weird glowing yellow rose. After he planted it in the ground, it released a weird odor that made me nauseous. However, at least it was enough to keep the mosquitoes away. As far as vicious Beasts went, there wasn¡¯t anything stronger than the old man, so we didn¡¯t really need to worry about it. Once Di was unconscious, I left the campsite and wandered aimlessly through the woods for a few minutes. Xiaotong whispered ¡°Levi, I¡¯m scared¡­ I think we should go back¡­ It¡¯s dangerous¡­¡± I snickered, murmuring ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I just need to perform my secret ritual real fast or I won¡¯t be able to sleep. Ugh, I wish there was something to look at though¡­ It¡¯ll probably take longer since I don¡¯t have any visual stimulation, hehehe~.¡± ¡°Are you sure there isn¡¯t anything I can do to help? You can look at my holes! I have lots of holes... see?¡± There was a translucent crimson skull floating in front of my face, but when I reached out to touch it, my hand just went through. I honestly couldn¡¯t tell if she was trying to make a joke, or if she really had no idea that there was a difference between eye sockets and vaginas. ¡°Holy shit! Why didn¡¯t I think of that before?¡± As I was listening to her speak, I suddenly realized that there was another type of stimulation that could speed things along. I smirked at the expressionless ghost and asked ¡°Hey Xiaotong, has anyone ever told you that you have a really cute voice?¡± Fortunately, I was the only person who could hear an adorable little girl moaning and screaming ¡°Ahn~, come for me Levi~, spray your Qi into my mouth~!¡± Even though I couldn¡¯t actually touch her skeletal teeth, I could still ¡®see¡¯ an illusion that was moving along with my right hand. When I finally ejaculated, I heard a loud ¡°Ah~, yes~, it feels so good~! Mmm~, oh yes~, ahn~, ah~!¡± She kept doing that until I finally said ¡°Alright, I¡¯m done, hahaha~... Calm down, I need to go to sleep now and if you keep making those noises, I¡¯ll probably get horny again.¡± I got up off of my knees and pulled a tissue out of my left pocket. After wiping myself off, I walked over to a pine tree and started pissing on it. The crimson skull disappeared and Xiaotong whispered ¡°Levi, why does your secret ritual make me feel all tingly inside? It seems kinda naughty¡­¡± As soon as I finished wiping my dick off again, I heard ¡°Ah! Look out!¡± ¡°Fucking kittynipples!¡± I jumped two meters in the air and grabbed a relatively large branch, before continuing to frantically climb higher up into the tree. My arms and legs were capable of lifting a lot more than my tiny four-foot body weighed. ¡°Shit, what the hell is this brat?! A damn squirrel?!¡± When I looked down, I saw a wooden arrow stuck into the tree-trunk. I¡¯m not sure if they were aiming at my head, shoulder or trying to scare me, but I wasn¡¯t going to take my chances. I grumbled ¡°Why didn¡¯t that old bastard give me anything to defend myself with?!¡± Well, to be fair, he probably didn¡¯t expect me to wander off and get attacked by bandits. There were two short men, only about a foot taller than me, but there was also a giant dude with a huge battleaxe. All three of them were wearing grey wolf-head hats, there were bleached human skulls dangling from their waists and brown fur kilts. The little guy to the right was the one aiming a crudely made wooden bow at me, while the other had nothing more than a sharpened branch. Once I saw their equipment, I let out a sigh of relief and muttered ¡°No guns, they don¡¯t seem to have any magical powers¡­ I guess they¡¯re probably just normal people? Hmmm~...¡± When I noticed that they weren¡¯t trying to climb up and catch me, I yelled ¡°What the fuck¡¯s your problem?! Ya got a death-wish or something?! If you try to shoot me again, I¡¯ll go down there, rip your goddamn dick off and shove it so far up your ass, you¡¯ll be vomiting cum!¡± ¡°Hahahaha~! Little Bao, kill that brat for me!¡± The big guy with the axe slapped his right hand on the archer¡¯s left shoulder, before continuing to laugh hysterically. I was only about thirty meters away, but it was pretty dark in the woods and that arrow missed me by a few meters. He fired three more times, but I quickly hid behind the tree. Unfortunately, the branch that I was standing on broke and I fell down into a thorny bush. My skin was all scratched up and I was bleeding, but I didn¡¯t break any bones or pull any muscles. Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! A sharpened wooden spear nearly pierced my throat as I rolled out of the bush. I could feel my heart racing and my ears felt like they were on fire. Not only was my adrenaline pumping, my most primal instincts were starting to kick in. Honestly, I had never killed anyone in my last life, aside from myself¡­ though that wasn¡¯t intentional. Still, I had been in a decent amount of fights when I was a teenager. There was no disciplined training involved, just really violent brawling. Sometimes there were weapons and there were a lot of stupid injuries. However, I always had that instinctive sense of bloodthirst¡­ There were a few times when I hated the person I was beating up, but even then, I had to hold back. It was a lot like not being able to masturbate during a three day vacation with your family and finally getting home, able to watch as much porn as physically possible. Okay, I¡¯ve never actually gone more than twenty-four hours without ejaculating, so I can only imagine that it would be similar somehow. Anyway, I grabbed the branch and yanked it out of the scrawny douchebag¡¯s hands. He jumped backwards and shouted ¡°Be careful Boss, he¡¯s strong!¡± I used the stick to block the battleaxe for a moment, before rolling to the left and nearly getting chopped in half. An arrow flew past my left eye, but fortunately, that Bao bastard was really a really shitty archer. I scooped my hand into the ground and threw a bunch of dirt into the giant¡¯s eyes. Then I sprinted forward, found a random mildly heavy stone and chucked it at the former spear-dude. The rock hit him in the nose and he screamed in agony, while holding his face and falling onto his ass. ¡°Grah~! I¡¯m gonna murder you~!¡± The big cuntbag charged over and swung his double-sided battleaxe down, nearly hacking my left arm off. Then I threw some dirt and leaves into his face. That dumbass actually managed to inhale some of it and began coughing violently. His face was rapidly turning blue, as he fell to his knees and dropped his weapon. ¡°No, Boss!¡± Random Archer Man stopped shooting at me and ran over to his suffocating comrade¡¯s side. He attempted to perform something akin to the heimlich maneuver, but only made things worse. The first time I ever killed a person¡­ It wasn¡¯t cool at all, just really fucking depressing to watch. It didn¡¯t end fast, no, that giant moron fell onto the ground and started spewing out blood, he also vomited, then had a seizure. You know what¡­ I think the spearless guy died before then. Since I was still in an adrenaline-fueled frenzy, I ran over to the dude who was sitting down and holding his oozing mutilated nasal cavity. I kneed him in the face, then stomped down onto his throat with my right heel. The leather sandal had fallen off when I jumped up into the tree, so I was able to feel his trachea being crushed. ¡°Die~!¡± The skinny Archer picked up his friend¡¯s battleaxe and clumsily swung it near my mouth, but I managed to step backwards without losing any teeth. He was only a foot taller than me and a lot weaker than I was. Since he was shirtless, I could see that he was deathly skinny, as if he was extremely malnourished. I grabbed the head of that axe with both hands and pulled it away from him, then plunged the wooden handle into his sternum. He grabbed the center of his chest with both hands and tripped backwards, falling onto the spasming body of his really beefy ¡®Boss¡¯. Even though he was definitely incapable of doing anything to me at that point, I didn¡¯t stop. For fuck¡¯s sake, I was just a nine year old kid! Those scumbags tried to murder me without even a hint of hesitation! The only thing I knew about them, was that they had no qualms about killing children. I didn¡¯t want to get their blood on me, so I swung the axe-head down sideways. Bao raised his hands up and tried to lessen the blow, but his wrists snapped. The second strike hit his arms again and by the third, he couldn¡¯t put up any sort of defense. One of the blades smacked into his jaw, easily snapping it and the other side slapped his solar plexus. After about five more hits, I was confident that he wasn¡¯t going to survive.