《In order to create the Ultimate MC, I became Soldier A!?》 Page One: Prologue ¡°You. Are. FIRED.¡± When I first heard these three life-changing words, my world shattered. ¡­ Alright, maybe that was a little too dramatic of a description. More like¡­well, I was surprised yet not surprised at the same time? ¡°Your main characters are always so bland. Have some variety, will you?¡± Yeah¡­but Madame Gracious Most Honored Holy Lord Editor, I¡¯m bad at characterization. And also, it takes too much effort to set up different personalities for different fictions. I mean, let¡¯s be honest here. If one is going to do a c*** job of trying to play off a Tsundere character, might as well as go Kuudere and make him say one line the entire story. I mean- ¡°Why are all your characters loners, too overpowered for their own good, and so handsome, talented, rich, whatever¡­that all the female leads fall for him at first sight?¡± Ok. Ok. I can explain. One, because the mangaka is a loner himself. He understands the way of the loner; he eats, sleeps, bathes, and thinks loner-style 24/7. It¡¯s only natural that he¡¯s going turn his MC into one of his buddies. Don¡¯t exactly know the correct term for it, but it¡¯s something like mitosis. No, I didn¡¯t just google the word, I know what it means- ¡°And why are you staying silent? Do you have anything you want to say here?¡± Shh. Shh. Shh. Wait, the mastermind is thinking. Can¡¯t you hear the gears turning? If I talk now, I can¡¯t think at the same time. And plus, I read somewhere that most women prefer guys who can look good thinking. You know, like that guy statue called the ¡°Thinker¡± or something¡­honestly, I think he¡¯s just taking his time in the bathroom, but hey, that¡¯s just my opinion. ¡°???¡± Ok, back to the main topic. Two, too overpowered for their own good. Easy. Because it¡¯s every fan¡¯s dream to see the main character blow up s*** for no reason. Also, when you have an overpowered MC, you can basically patch up plot holes that you created because you were thinking about what to do for dinner instead of the actual story. Oh, don¡¯t forget that you get the feels too when the MC goes for revenge after his best friend, whom we just got introduced to the previous chapter, dies. Hanzo: Goemon, we are best pals for life. Goemon: Hanzo, I will follow you everywhere! Hanzo: Goemon! Goemon: Hanzo! Random: -stabs Goemon- Hanzo: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! -powers up- *The world turns into a ball of raging fire as Hanzo unleashes his ultimate power. The end* ¡°Yukimura-san???¡± Three, all the females fall for him at first sight. That¡¯s obvious though. I mean, he¡¯s the main character, he¡¯s supposed to have a harem. And I believe in love at first sight, you know. Sometimes you are just attracted to someone because they have a weirdly-shaped mole on their face or something, or looks like your favorite anime character. I believe it¡¯s called natural selection (something like that). ¡­ Fine. I¡¯ll admit it. All the females fall for him at first sight because I don¡¯t know how else they are supposed to fall for him. I mean, girls are complex creatures. The role model of the MC, aka the author, has been single for all his 28 years of life, so what do you expect!? Also, if the master can¡¯t get a girlfriend, why should the disciple get one first? That makes no sense to me. I- Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. ¡°Y.u.k.i.m.u.r.a.-san!!!¡± I jumped a bit in my seat, taken by surprise. ¡°Hai¡­?¡± ¡°I was going to let you have one last chance today¡­but I decided not to after all.¡± ¡­ How are you giving me a chance when you begin with ¡°You are fired?¡± ¡°You are fired.¡± ¡­You know, some things become better the second time around. But that is definitely not one of them. ¡°No chance of overturning that decision.¡± Life sucks when your editor is also the daughter of your company¡¯s boss. ¡°So pack your bags and leave as soon as possible.¡± S***. Quick, Shin, think of something. You will be homeless and unemployed if you don¡¯t! Summon the inner genius tactician in you¡­come out¡­come out¡­ My editor gazed at me for a moment more, before sighing, her beautiful dark-red eyes full of resignation. ¡°I wish you luck in the future.¡± She turned to leave. ¡­ F*** the L!ght Yagam! plans. I threw myself to her feet, attaching myself to them like a sack of potatoes. ¡°Noooooo, please!!!! Give me another chance, I will do anything!!!¡± ¡°Kyaah! Hentai!!!¡± She kicked me with her heels. ¡°Urg- Please, I¡¯m desperate here!!! I¡¯ll do anything¡­You can even make me your sex slave, I-¡± Bam. ¡­ Twinkle, twinkle, little star¡­ Adios, cruel world. The last kick knocked me out flat. ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª- Two hours later¡­ ¡°You said you will do anything, right?¡± ¡°Yes¡­¡± ¡°Then go in.¡± ¡°¡­Erm, that portal looks kind of shady, if you know what I mean.¡± ¡°Just go.¡± She pushed me into the virtual reality machine that the company is secretly developing. A prototype. ¡­Most likely a defect too. ¡°EHHHHHHHHH!???!?!¡± That was how I, Yukimura Shin, ended up in the first virtual world¡­as an ordinary Soldier A. But wait, here¡¯s the catch. In order to avoid getting fired, I must track the MCs¡¯ process in the stories!? And, I am supposed to play the role of every side character there is!? Wait wait wait for a moment here¡­so if I die in the virtual world as Soldier A, I will become another Soldier A? That¡¯s confusing as hell!!! ¡­ Either way¡­ At least I can take some good notes along the way. Because after all, ¡°In order to create the Ultimate MC¡­¡± ¡°I became Soldier A.¡± To be continued... Page Two: The Way of the Assassin- Part I ¡­
You have been reborn as Assassin A, an ordinary member of the [Midnight Raven] syndicate.
Two seconds after I arrived in the first virtual world, via force, I received that message from the system. Yo, system. Mind giving me actual instructions, so I can understand what the hell is going on? I thought to myself, as I surveyed the scene around me. A lively tavern. A bunch of drunk hooligans. And¡­an old man bartender. I sighed. No sexy nee-sans here at all¡­damn, what a dry world. I looked down at the table in front of me. Hmm¡­ I picked up the cup, and took a whiff of the liquid instead. Smells like a month-old tuna¡­ I grimaced, putting the cup down. Next, the bread-like thing in the plate. Tentatively, I took a tiny nibble. ¡­ ¡°Oi, old man!? What the heck is this!?¡± I shouted, as the bartender looked up. ¡°Bread.¡± he replied simply, his expression unchanged. ¡°Don¡¯t try to scam me! I know what bread tastes like¡­this¡­this is just a huge piece of wood that¡¯s been left in the pantry for a decade!¡± He stopped wiping the wine glass that he was wiping earlier. Fixing me with a death glare, he muttered his next words beneath his breath. ¡°Eat it, or leave it.¡± ¡­ I gulped. ¡­This old man is on a higher level than me? As I set the bread back on the plate, the system made another announcement.
The Main Character has entered the tavern!
Finally! I was waiting for this! I looked toward the entrance of the tavern, spotting the figure in question.
This is Scarlet 007, the top ranking member of the [Scarlet Fox] syndicate.
Damn, Senpai. You are too good.
Your task tonight is to eliminate him, as a member of the rival faction.
¡­ WHY ME. Oi, system, you do realize that he is a top-ranker, right? And I¡¯m just an ordinary noob that probably can¡¯t do s***? Plus, I don¡¯t even have a name, I am that insignificant. If I go up to him right now, I¡¯ll turn into a meat-loaf in less than three seconds.
Upon death, you will be reborn as another character.
¡­ So basically, the system just confirmed that I have a zero-percent chance of winning. ¡­Yatta. But, if I had to choose between this and getting fired in real life, I¡¯ll take death in a heartbeat. Plus, don¡¯t all the characters in animes get stronger each time they reincarnate? It¡¯s like there¡¯s some sort of a multiplier effect. So I am a noob right now, I¡¯ll be less noob next time, and normal the next¡­by the hundredth-or-so time, I should be demon-king level. Yep, don¡¯t give up, Shin. Keep thinking this way, even though it¡¯s obviously false. Yep, you got this. I got up. Walking over to the table that he was sitting at, I placed my hand on his shoulder. ¡°Hey buddy, you-¡±
You have been killed by [Butter Knife]. You will be reborn as a new character in 3¡­2¡­1¡­
What the flying heck!? When did he even-
You have been reborn as Customer A, a regular visiter of the tavern. You have no goals for tonight.
I found my new self sitting at a table just a short distance away from the main character. Looking down at his feet, I saw the corpse of my old self lying there, figure censored by the system. ¡­Ouch. ¡°Oi, you there. What the hell did you do to our aniki!¡± Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. I saw a group of five macho guys approach the main character. 007 ignored them, drinking silently without even looking up. ¡°We will avenge our aniki, Assassin A!¡± ¡°Prepare to die!¡±
Backup A, B, C, D, E has entered the battle!
¡­Wut. I watched as the tavern turned into a cage of chaos, as the five guys began trashing the place. Backup A flipped 007¡¯s table, sending it straight into¡­
You have been killed by [ Table]. You will be reborn as a new character in 3¡­2¡­1...
Are you serious!? You five, your aniki just got reincarnated into a brand new life, and now you kill him again!? You fools! I don¡¯t remember raising you five like this, you are all disowned, ya hear me, disown-
You have been reborn as Fool A, just a regular guy who has nothing better to do than staying and observing the fight. Your goal for tonight is to watch the fight like a fool.
¡­ ¡°Cut it out, you idiots-¡±
You can only say a total of [one] line. You have used up your line. You have been killed by [Flying Bread]. You will be reborn-
What the heck!? You could¡¯ve told me about the one-line rule earlier, you know!? Also, I didn¡¯t even get to finish the sentence¡­why the hell did I get killed by an inanimate object again!? This is rigged isn¡¯t it??? I¡¯m suing this company, I swear-
You have been reborn as Chair A, just an ordinary old chair found in the tavern. As a chair, your goal is to be sit on.
Now I¡¯m not even a human anymore!? Plus, why is a chair a side character, what the hell is going on-
You have been killed by [Falling Hooligan]. You-
Staph thissssss!!!
You have been reborn as Bartender A.
Someone save me please!!!
You have been reborn as Bartender A.
¡­
You have been reborn as Bartender A.
Am I glitching or something? ¡­ I looked to the side to find five other bartenders all lined up, doing nothing. ¡°You fools, what are you all doing here¡­run!!!¡± I shouted, as they all looked at me in confusion. ¡°But, I¡¯m your backup.¡± the first one replied, tilting his head to the side. ¡°And I¡¯m his backup.¡± the second one said. ¡°And I¡¯m his back-¡± the third one continued, but was interrupted by a flying beer bottle, which knocked him out flat. The rest of the bartenders took one look at their fallen comrade, and scattered, running out of the tavern. Gehhh, a bunch of idiots! Who needs that many backups anyway. I dodged a flying plate that came my way. Alright, Shin. Here¡¯s the plan. You are going to bet everything on the next reincarnation. You will stop 007 no matter what you have to do. I was hit by the second flying plate. Now, I¡¯m ready. I got this. Here I come, 007¡­your ultimate nemesis will arrive in 3¡­2¡­1¡­
You have been reborn as Drunkard A.
¡­ -------- Note: Yatta! Fixed! Finally, after an hour of editing, I finally got the formatting done. It was the [ Table] function, the codes after it got intertwined. Sorry for the confusion! Page Three: The Way of the Assassin- Part II
You have been reborn as Drunkard A.
¡­Ok. That obviously wasn¡¯t what I imagined, but it¡¯s still better than Fork A or Cup A. And no, I¡¯m not in tears already because I know that I¡¯m going to lose. I¡¯m just sweating. A lot. The good type of sweat, by the way. Not the ¡°shit, I¡¯m outta here¡± sweat, but the ¡°ho ho ho boi, Imma beat yo arse¡± type. Excited? Absolutely, yes! I love getting my a** kicked by a random person I just met, yep! ¡­
Your goal is to get even more drunk than you are right now.
Ok, Shin. Think about it this way. What if you can power up through getting more drunk? You know, there¡¯s always this sketchy drunk guy in animes, who gets insanely strong after he drinks whatever he drinks. Remember? There¡¯s this really popular manga on Shounen Jump, damn that mangaka, about this drunk guy who goes on a journey for world domination with a beer bottle¡­ Iamd Runk: I am the divine messenger from the Beer God, here to conquer the world and spread the teachings of the Drunkard. Side Character A: No, we shall stop you! Side Character B: Chargeeee!!! Iamd Runk: ¡­It can¡¯t be helped. Begone, you sober fools! Drunk-no-jutsu! *A giant crater appears on the world map. To be continued.* Um. Just from how incredibly popular that manga is, you can tell that the moral of the story is legitimate. Plus, that manga is still ¡°ongoing,¡± while mine is about to get axed. It¡¯s obvious that I was wrong to think that drunk guys are useless! Drunkards are overpowered, just give them a drink. Yep, a drink¡­ I grabbed a cup of whatever I could find on the table beside me. Now, the moment of truth has dawned. Behold, the new and improved Shin! Watch out, 007, Beerzilla is coming for you! I smirked as I gulped down the liquid, all at once. ¡­ Blehhhhhhh!!! Blast! It was the tuna-water from earlier! Water¡­normal water¡­ I grabbed a cup of clear liquid that was sitting on the counter, gulping it down in a hurry. ¡­ I spat it out immediately. ¡°It¡¯s brussels sprout and mushroom-monster juice.¡± the old man bartender said, unfazed by the chaos around him. ¡­ What about this! I grabbed another cup, with the same result. ¡°Singing frog lemonade.¡± This! ¡°Dancing crab cocktail.¡± ¡­ Then¡­what. about. THIS! I gulped down the contents of the last cup on the counter, mentally prepared to spit it all out. ¡­ Hey¡­this is surprisingly good. ¡°¡­¡± I opened my mouth to say something, and then remember the one-line rule. Wait, Shin. Don¡¯t say anything here, you can¡¯t waste your line right now. As random A, you only have one line per role, you need to save it for when you actually confront the main character. I nodded to myself. I gestured to the bartender, and then to the cup. Then, I held up my hand in an ¡°ok¡± sign. You. Cup¡­Ok? I said to him in my mind. The bartender seemed to understand my intentions. He took a bottle of something off from the shelf behind him, opening the cork. He poured me one-fourth of the cup. ¡­ What a penny-pincher. I cleared my throat, and he looked up at me. I pointed to the bottle, then to the cup, then rubbed my fingertips together. Bottle. Cup. Money. He gave me a weird look. ¡°Are you sure?¡± Positive. I held up the ¡°ok¡± sign again. He poured me some more. Now the liquid is at the half-point. ¡­ I repeated my signals. He poured me some more. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. And again. And again. Finally, the cup was completely filled. I raised the cup to him in salute. Cheers! I said in my mind, as I downed the liquid in one go. He watched me in silence, then began to clap slowly. Hmph. That was nothing! I thought confidently, grinning like I¡¯ve just won a marathon.
Back up A, B, C, D, E has been defeated by [Scarlet 007].
The system interrupted my thoughts all of a sudden. I couldn¡¯t help but smirk evilly. Heh heh heh heh¡­Just as planned. I walked away from the counter, stopping a short distance behind the main character. He stopped moving, most likely sensing that I was behind him. Alright, it¡¯s time to make my appearance! I could already feel my power level rise¡­what is this strange new feeling? I feel so weightless, my head and body feels so light! Wait, what is this surge of heat that is engulfing my form? Is this the ultimate transformation I am experiencing right now? Did I just turn from Nob!ta to Dor@emon? I smirked, grabbing the empty beer bottle on the table beside me. Now, I will say my line. What sounds more cool, ¡°I shall blast you away with my drunk-no-jutsu,¡± or, ¡°Prepare to taste the might of the ultimate beer bottle?¡± ¡­ Whatever, I¡¯ll just fit both into one sentence. I pointed my beer bottle at his back, opening my mouth to speak the earth-shattering lines that will forever change history. ¡°Yo, you there, I shall-¡± Before I could finish my sentence, I fell to the ground, knocked out. ¡­ ¡°The strongest-blend of Tequilla here is indeed too strong for a regular customer. I shall have to take it off the menu after all.¡± In my knocked-out state, I could still hear the bartender speak. Damn you, old man! How dare you poison me! And wait, why haven¡¯t I died and reincarnated yet?
You have entered a [Semi-conscious] state. You will remain as Drunkard A.
What the heck!? How am I supposed to observe the MC, never mind taking notes, if I can¡¯t even see him!? 007 remained silent. The bartender picked up a wine glass, then proceed to wipe it calmly. ¡°Who exactly are you.¡± the main character eventually asked, his voice icy-cold. ¡°Just a regular old man who earns a living through bartending.¡± the bartender replied, not one bit frightened by his tone. Yeah right, you poison-con-artist. ¡°Your aura is not one of just an ordinary man.¡± Damn straight, you go boi! ¡°And you, young man, are not a regular customer either.¡± Obviously! Didn¡¯t you see him wreck those macho guys earlier? It¡¯s called mad skills, mad skills I say¡­even though I obviously didn¡¯t see it happen because I was too busy trying not to get killed by flying tables¡­but you get the point! ¡°Aren¡¯t we then, both playing out pointless roles?¡± The old man paused for a moment, and then smiled. ¡°You may be right.¡± He gently placed the wine glass down on the counter, and then-
Master Zen of the [Midnight Raven] syndicate has entered the battle!
You go, MC! Take that scammer down, don¡¯t go easy on him just because he¡¯s an old man! He- ¡­Wait, ¡°Master Zen!?¡± He has a name!? Then, that means¡­ The old man smiled again. ¡°Your last opponent is me.¡± To be continued¡­ -------------------- Note: Last update for tonight! I will update a lot more as soon as I wake up tomorrow. Page Four: The Way of the Assassin- Part III
Master Zen of the [Might Raven] syndicate has entered the battle!
¡­F*** I seriously miscalculated here. He wasn¡¯t just any old con-artist, he is a Master con-artist. That¡¯s a whole new level to worry about. It¡¯s like the difference between Matsuda and K!ra, you know! Damn, will the MC be okay? I tried to move from my position on the ground, yet all my efforts were fruitless. ¡°¡­You have been observing me since earlier.¡± the main character stated simply, ignoring the challenge issued by Master Zen. S***, really? I didn¡¯t notice at all¡­ok, maybe a little when he is wiping the cups. I mean, who looks at a cup like that? I haven¡¯t even seen any dudes look at their girlfriends this way, and trust me, I have seen a lot of couples at the public park near the company! ¡­Why was I watching them? No no no, I wasn¡¯t acting like a creep, I was just¡­trying to see what kind of pickup lines the dudes came up with to get all the girls¡­Yeah, market research, market research okay? Master Zen chuckled. ¡°So you have noticed.¡± No offense, but why do main characters like that line so much. I mean, I¡¯ve heard it at least five billion times in my mangaka career. To all the mangakas and novelists out there, it doesn¡¯t actually make them seem smarter. A heck lot more annoying, I say. That reminds me, there was this other manga that was axed a month ago, where the plot is essentially this¡­ John Smith: You have been watching me, haven¡¯t you. John Snow: So you have noticed. John Smith: Heh heh heh¡­ John Snow: Heh heh heh¡­ John White: You both have been watching me, haven¡¯t you. John Snow and John Smith: So you have noticed. All: Heh heh heh¡­ *The end* Well¡­the main reason that that manga was axed was because there were too many Johns in the end, and readers couldn¡¯t tell who¡¯s who. But, we all knew in our hearts that it was because of the ¡°So you have noticed¡± line. Anyway¡­rest in peace, John¡­I hope that in your next life you will learn to stop saying that. Amen. -Smash- A plate crashed into the shelf beside the old man, as he dodged calmly while wiping a wine glass. ¡°My¡­young ones are sure violent these days.¡± he said, with closed eyes and a light smile on his face. ¡°Who sent you.¡± 007 asked, leaping onto the counter next to him, grabbing him by the collar. The old man opened his eyes slowly, the light from above making them gleam eerily. ¡°I will tell you if you beat me¡± Wait a second¡­didn¡¯t the system already announce where the old man came from? Why did the MC ask who sent him, isn¡¯t it obvious-
Characters apart from you will not see the system messages. You are not allowed to inform other characters about the system messages in any way, shape or form. To break this rule, or any of the other rules, you will be considered to have forfeited your task for this world. You will be disqualified from participating any further, and be sent back to the real world.
Wait, so if I break this rule, or the one-line rule, I will be sent back!? ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Rules are meant to be broken, time to get wild! It was then that I remembered what my editor said to me just before I left. ¡°If you fail to complete your task, and end up coming back before the story ends¡­you will be fired immediately!¡± ¡­ God dammnittttttttt!!! While I was contemplating whether or not it is worth it to break the rules, a fight had broken out between the two. Snapping back to the present moment, I tried once more to lift myself up. -Crash- Dammnit! I can¡¯t see s*** from this angle!!! What the hell is happening, oi!? -Heavy breathing- Move, body, move! Quickly, before the fight ends! Quickly! -Rip- Was that the sound of clothes ripping¡­ ¡°Hnh¡­¡± What the¡­ ¡°Had enough?¡± ¡°Not yet¡­!!!¡± ¡­ For some reason, I kind of don¡¯t want to know what is happening anymore. I really, really, really don¡¯t want to see Old Man x MC. ¡°Ah¡­¡± NOT YOU TOO, OLD MAN! NOW IT¡¯S MC x OLD MAN!? PLEASE SPARE ME, GO FIND ANOTHER LOCATION AT LEAST! Halp! Someone tell me what to do! I remember what my grade school teacher had told me, a long time ago. ¡°Shin, everyone is only at 10% of their potential normally¡­so don¡¯t give up, alright? You will do better on the test nex-¡± Thank you, Sensei! I calmed down, concentrating hard on summoning the secret power from within me. Only 10%¡­only 10%¡­come on, Shin! You can do it! Imagine the 90% getting released from its cage¡­here it comes!!! I waited. Nothing happened. You lied to me Sensei. How could you lie to a young child like that!? The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°That¡¯s why I said it was for the test next tim-¡± Wahhhhh, my life is a lie. Where is Kami-sama when I need him!? It was then that I remembered something else. When in Sparta¡­do as the Spartans do¡­ The thought entered my mind as if by magic. ¡­ I turned to the image of a bald man with the sun shining behind him in my mind, kneeling before him in thanks. Thank you, Kami-sama! He gave me a thumbs up, a twinkle appearing as he smiled with his teeth. I smiled back at him, and then took a deep breath in my mind. Here it comes¡­all or nothing! With all the energy I have left, I shifted closer to the leg of the table beside me. Then, I paused. Wait, what¡¯s the Spartan catchphrase again? ¡­ F*** it. I smashed my head against the table. FOR ATHENS!!!
You have been killed by [ Table]. Total number of times you have been killed by [ Table]: 2. The current rankings are: 1. Table (2 kill-streak) 2. Butter Knife (1 kill-streak) 3. Bread (1 kill-streak) 4. Hooligan (1 kill-streak) 5. ??? (???)
¡­What the heck!? And what¡¯s with the censored part at the bottom!?
You have been reborn as Wine Glass A, the favorite wine glass of the old man bartender. Your goal is to get wiped sparkly clean.
Finally, I could see what is going on¡­wait, hell no, don¡¯t you dare bring that dirty cloth near me¡­Kyahhhh! Hentai!!! Why are you wiping me like that, I know I¡¯m a wine glass, but still I don¡¯t want to be touched by an old man! Staphhhhhh! Just drop me, let me die!!! No, wait, don¡¯t actually drop me, I was joking- The cloth disappeared for a moment, and I could see the main character half-kneeling on the floor in front of us. He clutched his bleeding arm, his clothes half torn. Since his hood fell off, probably during the fight, I could now see his face. Pure, straight short white hair. Blood-red eyes that radiated with killing-intent. Handsome features that seemed to come right off of the cover of a shoujo manga. ¡­ Damn. If a wine glass could blush, this one would be blushing right now¡­Stop it, Shin, you are not a shoujo heroine or anything. Why are you blushing for a dude!? Don¡¯t open that door, stay in the closet, I beg you!!!
Scarlet 007 has been defeated by [Master Zen].
Great. Good to know. Now, can someone hit that ¡°replay¡± button, so I can actually see what the heck happened!? What was with the weird noises anyway!? ¡°I¡­have lost.¡± 007 said, his hair covering his eyes. ¡°It¡¯s the first time you have ever lost, correct?¡± Master Zen said. 007 did not reply. Master Zen smiled, walking over to him. ¡°Well, that¡¯s to be expected. After getting holed up in that syndicate, you haven¡¯t really seen the world, have you.¡± 007 looked up. ¡°The¡­world?¡± Nooooooo! Don¡¯t listen to that snake¡¯s words, Adam! That¡¯s how he gets all his prey! Don¡¯t bite the apple, don¡¯t! ¡°Do you want to become stronger¡­stronger than me and everyone else?¡± Don¡¯t ignore me, you fool! Damn, I have to speak up now or else the MC is going to get abducted by a shady old man. ¡­ I mentally slapped myself on the forehead. God damn, I forgot I was a wine glass!!! I can¡¯t even f***ing speak! The main character was silent for a moment, then he nodded. The old man smiled. ¡°Then, why don¡¯t you join my syndicate? We will teach you all about the ways of the world.¡± 007 looked at him, his red eyes gleaming with a mixture of emotions. Doubt. Hostility. Curiosity¡­and finally, a spark of uncontainable excitement. ¡°Is there¡­a lot of strong people?¡± The old man¡¯s smile widened. ¡°Most definitely.¡± There, Master Zen extended one hand out to 007, and then- Noooooooooo! You dumba**, what the heck did you just do!? Don¡¯t be a muscle-head, think rationally. Don¡¯t-
Scarlet 007 has agreed to join [Master Zen]¡¯s syndicate. Scarlet 007 is now a member of the [Midnight Raven] syndicate, a revolutionary group aiming to overthrow the current Emperor. Scarlet 007 is now at war with the Empire!
¡­ GOD SAVE THE KING!!! To be continued¡­ -------------------- Note: I will be uploading more chapters today. Stay tuned! Page Five: The Way of the Assassin- Part IV
Scarlet 007 is now at war with the Empire!
The plot thickens! ¡­Wait, that¡¯s way too fast, slow down!? ¡°The name of your syndicate¡­what is it.¡± the main character said, letting himself be helped up. You are asking now!? Late, son, late! Damn, it¡¯s almost the same as last time, when my editor dragged me to some shady room in some corner of the company¡­ Ami (editor): Everyone, I brought him, just as promised! Shady Lady A: Ohhhh~ He¡¯s just like you¡¯ve said! Shady Lady B: Aww~ Kawaiii!!! He¡¯s so short and small¡­how old is he!? Ami: He¡¯s a legitimate 28-year-old geezer. Don¡¯t be fooled by his baby-face, he¡¯s a total hentai. Shady Lady A: Kyaaah~ No way! -grabs me in a choke-hold while ruffling my hair- Me: Sdlfjsldjfk!? -choking- Shady Lady C: Hue hue hue¡­my imagination is running wild. This will work¡­heh heh heh¡­ -pushes up glasses- Me: ***********~! (Hey, wait¡­what are you doing to me, stop touching me there¡­nooooo~!!!) Damn you, Ami!!! You know how traumatic that experience was!? Also, you said that it was for a shoujo manga reference, but nothing ever came out of it! You liarrrrrrrrrr! Molester!!!! Perverted himedere lady with huge oppai- ¡°The ¡®Midnight Raven,¡¯¡± Master Zen replied, ¡°and coincidentally, you have just killed off your new teammates tonight.¡± ¡°Coincidentally¡± my a**. MC, you got set up. He was the one who sent me, er, Assassin A, after you in the beginning! Realize this please, I beg you! ¡°¡­I¡¯m sorry. Where are the other members?¡± ¡°They were the only members. Now it¡¯s just you, and me.¡± Ok, MC. This is literally a tell-tale sign that your new master is a con-man. What kind of syndicate has only seven members!? And even if it does only have seven members, none of the other members apart from the Master can do s***. Those bodybuilders were just muscles that breathe and take up space. Only useful as meat-shields, nothing else! ¡­Now is the time to pack your bags, and get the hell out of- ¡°I see.¡± ¡­ The moment when you realize that the main character of the story is dumber than a duck, the tears just start rolling. No, wait, not even a duck, even a duck is smarter than him¡­A truck, yeah, a truck! Truck A: Hey, homie, not cool man, not cool at all. Dang, sorry Truck A. I didn¡¯t meant to insult you by comparing you to that dumba**. I hope that you will find it in your kind heart, eh, engines, to forgive this sinful one. ¡°What faction does your syndicate belong to? Are you with the Empire, or the Revolutionaries?¡± ¡°The latter.¡± ¡°¡­I see.¡± Note to self: The Ultimate MC is someone who will rank first in the ¡°Dumb as f*** list.¡± He has white hair, red eyes, and happens to be called Scarlet 007.
You have submitted a [ List]. Would you like to [Review] the [ List]?
??? Ignoring the two, I nodded in my mind.
[Untitled List]: 1. Is an idiot.
¡­ Oh, this looks fun. I thought of edits to the list in my mind.
[The Ultimate MC]: 1. Is an idiot. 2. Likes old men. 3. Likes to get his a** kicked by old men. 4. Likes to say ¡°I see¡± without actually seeing the point.
Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. ¡°But, I don¡¯t think you and I can go against the Empire alone.¡±
5. Asks useless questions or states the obvious, then goes ¡°¡­¡± for an answer.
¡°¡­¡±
6. Seems to like stripping just by how he is openly showing off his muscles right now.
¡°So, if you are curious, I do have a plan in mind¡­¡± Hey¡­what is this button¡­
7. (-¡¯?_?¡¯-) 8. ?_? 9. ( /)w(\?) 10. (?¦ä??)
¡­Haha, that¡¯s kind of interesting! What about this?
¡Þ. ( ?¡ã ?? ?¡ã) ¡Þ+1. ( ?¡ã ?? ?¡ã) ¡Þ+2. ( ?¡ã ?? ?¡ã) ¡Þ+3. ( ?¡ã ?? ?¡ã)
¡­Damn! Too many! The list is endless now, delete delete¡­where the heck is the delete button!? Who the heck invented this s***!? That damn internet troll!!! ¡°¡­How¡¯s that for a plan?¡± It¡¯ll take me at least a few billion light years to delete all the lennys one by one¡­ok, change of plans. Deleting the list.
You cannot delete [The Ultimate MC] list. Please try again later. ¡ï~(?¦ä??)
Mamamiya! Ayuadame, amigo! Screw it all, I¡¯m hitting all the buttons at once!!! ¡°¡­I¡¯m willing to try it out.¡± ¡­Wait, what? Could you please repeat that? What did I miss!? All the lennys suddenly disappeared. I turned my attention back to the system screen.
[The Ultimate Tofu] 1. Add the chicken stock, cornstarch, soy sauce and sugar to a small bowl and stir to combine. 2. Heat a wok or large frying pan until hot. 3. Add the sesame oil, garlic, ginger and green onions and stir-fry with a spatula until fragrant. 4. Add the black beans and Sichuan pepper and continue stir-frying. 5. ¶¹¸¯¶¹¸¯¶¹¸¯¶¹¸¯¶¹¸¯¶¹¸¯¶¹¸¯.
¡­I really don¡¯t know what to say at this point. If Ami asks me for a report later, she¡¯s getting the recipe for tofu instead. ¡°Good. We will eventually get them to join our side.¡± I have a feeling that I just missed something really important. More important than a spoiler for my favorite manga, 0ne Punch M@n¡­and that reminds me, since I¡¯m stuck here, does that mean I will miss the next issue!? Nooooooo!!!! I¡¯m going back, I¡¯m going back right now-
You have just joined the [Nameless Cult]. The goal of the [Nameless Cult] is to convert members to the Revolutionary effort. The current members of the [Nameless Cult] are: 1. Old Man (Leader) 2. MC (Follower) 3. Wine Glass A (Mascot)
¡­ What the heck is with this story!? To be continued... ----------------- Note: I feel that this chapter is more crazy and random than the other ones...or is it just me? Also, credits to google for the ultimate mapo tofu recipe! One more chapter may be coming up in a few hours, maybe (if I don''t fall asleep, that is). If not, tomorrow for sure. Page Six: The Way of the Assassin- Part V
You have just joined the [Nameless Cult].
Ok, I have way too many things to comment about that, so I¡¯ll just pick a few. One, I¡¯m not at all about the cult life. Let¡¯s be honest here, how much screen time does a random cult member get? Yeah, the answer is zero. Zero. It¡¯s always about the leader, and when the leader actually gets some screen time, it goes like this¡­ Cultman Johnson: We worship the Mooooon! MC: -chasing the bad guy- Get the heck out of my way! Cultman Johnson: -gets one shot by the MC as he passes by- And then, the worst thing about that is, the rest of the anonymous followers stand around doing nothing, commenting on their leader¡­ Follower A: Noooooo, Cultman Johnson-sama! Are you alright!? Cultman Johnson: -obviously dead- Follower B: We need to group together and pray to the Moon God, that is the only way to save Cultman Johnson-sama! Follower C: Yeah! Followers: -starts praying in the background as the MC fights the bad guy- And if you think that being in the background means screen time, then that McDon@lds that every single MC in the history of anime has walked by at least once, has more screen time than the actual MCs. And I don¡¯t mean any offense to McDon@lds, by the way. I¡¯m just stating my opinion, it has nothing to do with how good their fries actually are. Also, let¡¯s not forget that authors really just like to throw in a cult when there is nothing else he could do. When things don¡¯t work out, it¡¯s usually the cult that saves the day¡­ Cult: Hahahaha!!! You have been duped by the Pasta Cult! Prepare to die!!! MC: Heh heh heh¡­ Cult: Wut. MC: I knew you guys were going to fall for it- Antagonist: And I know you know that they will fall for it. MC: ¡­Heh. I know that you know that I know that- Antagonist: I know that you know that I know that you know- Cult: What the heck do you guys actually know!? Basically, a cult is a third party used to show the superiority of the MC and his rival. But, most of the time, it¡¯s just fluff logic that makes no sense. The cult is like toilet paper; when the author can¡¯t think of s***, he uses them. And when the author somehow dupes the reader into believing that the MC and his buddy is smarter than they actually are, he trashes the cult like they¡¯ve never existed. Sad life. I know the feels bro, I know the feels¡­ But, let¡¯s not forget the third and most important reason behind why the heck I don¡¯t want to be involved with a cult. The easiest way of explaining it would be through this article I saw on the Asahi Shimbun today¡­ ¡°When the Divine Prophecy Fails: Cult members interviewed after Leader runs away. By Tanaka San Dec. 28, xxxx TOKYO, Jap.- After the Divine Prophecy predicting that the skies will rain money failed after its expected realization date earlier this morning, members of the ¡®Tuxedo Mask¡± cult finally decided to contact the police, when they woke up to find that both the leader and all the worship goods were gone. Follower A: Well, you know, none of us expected him to run away, haha. I mean, it was weird at first, when he asked us to collect figurines of that S@ilor Moon anime. But, you know, we went with it anyway. Follower B: We really believed that the prophecy is real, you know. He showed us many movies where it had happened, and he¡¯s a really good guy. He devotes himself entirely to worshiping the figurines, we can sense his sincerity. Follower C: Yeah! So if you guys find him, tell him we are all waiting for him to come back! Unfortunately, soon after the interview, the policed received news that the leader, Ota Ku-san, has been arrested in upper Canada, after trying to rob a candy store in a moose costume.¡± The gist of the story is: One, never trust Otakus. Two, cult members are usually portrayed as idiots. And three, you will most likely get scammed if you join random cults on a whim. But¡­enough about the cult talk¡­ ¡°When will we put the plan into action?¡± the MC asked. Yeah, good question. I¡¯m listening. ¡°Tomorrow, as soon as the gate opens.¡± the old man replied, smiling as if he has an ingenious plan in mind. Ok, tomorrow¡­Wait, what!? Why so fast!? And what gate!? ¡°¡­I see.¡± What the heck do you see!? I see nothinggggggggg¡­wait, a wine glass doesn¡¯t actually have ¡°eyes,¡± does it? Then how am I- ¡°Well, that¡¯s that. If you head up to the second floor, there¡¯s a spare room on the right. Rest well.¡± The MC nodded. ¡°Good night.¡± ¡°Good night.¡± ¡­ Ok. I¡¯ll figure it out tomorrow. But, where does a wine glass sleep anyway. A shelf, right? Damn, I don¡¯t want to sleep in that dusty old shelf- This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. Before I could finish my thought, the old man came up to me, picking me up and heading upstairs after the MC. He entered his own room, putting me down beside the pillow before climbing on to the bed. ¡°Good night.¡± he said, falling asleep immediately. Oh, good night- NOT! WHO THE HECK SLEEPS WITH A WINE GLASS!? GET YOURSELF A TEDDY BEAR OR SOMETHING!!! ¡°zzzz¡­¡± ¡­ DAMMNITTTTTTT!!! Alright, this is the last straw. I¡¯m getting the heck out of this body, right now. Think, Shin, what can you do in this situation¡­ As I was thinking, the system screen appeared.
G00gle ____________________________________ G00gle Search I¡¯m Feeling Lucky
¡­HALLELUJAH! I¡¯M FEELING LUCKY AS HELL! I quickly filled in the details, before clicking the search button.
G00gle How does a wine glass commit suicide?_____ G00gle Search I¡¯m Feeling Lucky
I clicked on the top result.
Y@hoo Answers ¡°i am wine glass, i want die pls, how to kill wine glass? 10 point best answer. -Vine.¡±
There were four answers. I scrolled down to the first one.
¡°If you are talking about how to get rid of a wine glass you don¡¯t need, you can dispose of it in the recycling bin. Make sure to put the pieces in a box or wrap them with newspaper, so that the collectors will not be harmed by the hazardous material when sorting out the waste. Hope this helps! -Eco-Eco.¡±
Nein. I scrolled to the next one.
¡°Magic. -PeterPan001.¡±
¡­ Next!
¡°Ok, I¡¯ve been asked this question a lot recently. Actually, I was a wine glass too, until I tried this amazing method¡­¡±
I paused. Amazing¡­method? This could be it! I continued on reading.
¡°Ok, first, you stand there. Very very still. Don¡¯t move, or else it¡¯s going to fail. Then-¡±
Then¡­!?
¡°You pray for an earthquake and it happens and you fall down and smash. That¡¯s how I lost my bar years ago. Fml. :( -ASadOwner.¡±
¡­ ¡­ ¡­ I glanced at the last answer.
¡°Hey, Vine, I have something for you! Want to learn how to make ten THOUSAND dollars per month, straight from home!? No experience required, just-¡±
¡­Alright, Shin. Think rationally. Don¡¯t blame g00gle, blame those internet trolls instead. Yet, that¡¯s right, it¡¯s not g00gle¡¯s fault, g00gle is innocent. Innocent¡­innocent¡­ I closed the system screen. ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ I slammed my face on an imaginary table again and again in my mind. GOD DAMMNITTTTT, G00GLE! I MISJUDGED YOU! ET TU, BRUTUS!? WHY MUST YOU BETRAY ME IN TIMES OF NEED LIKE THAT!? YOU WERE MY ONLY HOPE IN HUMANITY, YOU KNOW! WAhhhhhhhhh! And also, old man, your beard is covering my face, I can¡¯t see anything!!! Get that beard away from me, someone, please, anyone, noooooooo!!! My screams that night were probably louder than that of the howling wolf outside, had it been heard. Who knew that a wine glass could have such a sad life story. To be continued¡­ ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª Note: Asahi Shimbun is the leading newspaper in Japan. More randomness coming up, but next time, it will be more plot-related. Until then! Page Seven: The Way of the Assassin- Part VI Wine Glass survival diary, day two. Today, I woke up to a pure white world. Ah, this must be heaven. Have I finally died and found everlasting peace? No more idiotic MCs, no more shady old men, and no more bossy editor ladies? Ah¡­is that Jesus I see floating toward me? Hiya, ¡®sup man, have you come to take me to the angel ladies? I¡¯m ready- Wait, why do you look like that old scamming geezer? Don¡¯t tell me that con-artist is actually Jesus in disguise¡­ I woke up. ¡­ Two seconds later, I was almost blinded by a dazzling streak of light from the window. ¡°Oh, good morning, Wine Glass.¡± Oh, morning, old geezer¡­wait¡­WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BUTT NAKED. I covered my ¡°eyes¡± in panic, as the streak of light acted like some sort of censor bar over the old pedophile. Praise the Lord for the cliche censor bar that appears in every single Hentai ever.
You have added one screenshot to your [Photo Gallery]. View [Screenshot00fck3902]? Yes l No
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. HELL NO. DELETE THAT SHIT FROM MY HISTORY NOW.
You have added [Screenshot00fck3902] to [Favorites].
Alright, that¡¯s enough. I¡¯m done with the trolling from the system. Plus, I got a lot of things on my plate today. Today¡¯s the day me, the dumbass MC, and the old pedophile storm the empire and become the leaders of a glorious revolution. Yes, it will be like the Three Musketeers story, except Rebellion version. I dub it the Code NoPlansWhatsoever: Three Musketeers of the Rebellion. Yay! Yay my ass. ¡°Alright, Wine Glass. Let¡¯s dress you in your shiny new costume.¡± The Old Man approached me with a tiny, frilly maid outfit. ¡­¡­¡­¡­.. Shin.exe has stopped working. Please wait a moment. Hellllllllll noooooooo! Damn, shave those macho hairy legs at least, old man! Scarred for life, now I can¡¯t trusts maids anymore. Like, what if I meet a super girly man and he whips out a d!ck when we head to the back alley of the maid cafe for some fun? I can basically hear my @ss virginity saying adios, amigos. Back to the main topic, the old man was now pulling a panda outfit over my body. Like what kind of weird fetishes does this man have? This is one man I wouldn¡¯t want in my zoo if I owned a zoo¡­he¡¯s probably a zoophilia. DO NOT CONTAMINATE THE SACRED PANDAS. PANDAS ARE LOVE, PANDAS ARE LIFE. Point taken. But I got to admit, I look great in a panda outfit. Kekekeke¡­ ¡°Now, we are ready to go! To the glorious revolution!!!!¡± The old man-maid, the wine-glass panda, and the MC¡­ Woah. Hold up. Wait a minute. Waaaaiiitttt¡­. Adjust the stupid angle of my view to the MC. ¡­ Holy shit. He was freaking¡­
You have added one screenshot to your [Photo Gallery]. View [Screenshot00fckboi123]? Yes l No
HELL YES! SAVE TO FAVORITES! SELL TO THE FANGIRLS! SELL TO THE YANDERES!
You have deleted [Screenshot00fckboi123].
FU*CK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Ok, let me describe what the MC is wearing. You know those outfits the humanoid last bosses always wear in games? The black and red armor with the cape and those floating crystals, that sexy @ss expensive-looking crown and a sword that looks like it¡¯s worth more than my noob life? Hell, that was what the MC was dressed in. Why wasn¡¯t I dressed in that? Wine glass has rights too! Wine glass wants to be sexy too- ¡°Let¡¯s gooooooo!¡± The cult of three finally set out toward the capital. It will be a very very long journey, filled with hardships, friendship, loss, betrayal, retribution, and finally, victory. Will the three revolutionize the capital? Find out next time in Dr@gonball Red. I joke. The old man¡¯s bar is actually in the capital. So it will take 15 minutes to just walk up to the palace. Fu*ck this game. To be continued