《God's Whims》 Chapter 1 | A painless, and completely unnoticed, death I glared at the glowing red lights of the fancy car infront of me through half-lidded eyes as exhaustion slowly ate away at food-depraved innards. Temptation pulled my finger to honk the horn, whether out of boredom or anger is up in the air. But I was definitely upset. Four hours! Four hours I have been stuck on the accused asphalt in my dingy blue little beetle car with nothing but endless honking of the damned and an empty coffeecup! ¡®Damn it! Do something!¡¯ I yelled in my head and finally hit the horn of my vehicle. Only to find out with a wheeze and click that the damn thing is broken. Glaring at the small little symbol of who knows what company I realized with a start that the honking of other cars had wonderfully disappeared, and as I slowly raised my head I was able to listen to the chirping of birds, and finally peering outside through my half-smeared window I was met with the inside of a flourishing jungle, a tree happening to be planted right infront of my car. Staring blankly I slowly swiveled my head around to take in the surroundings. And much to surprise I spotted a dingy white little house through the trees. Slowly all of my shock, surprise, and bewilderment settled into three words I found describe my preposterous scenario really well. ¡°...What the fuck¡­?¡± However even as I patiently waited the illusion failed to fade, and honestly it started to piss me off. Blood pressure rising I forcibly unbuckled myself and kicked open the car door- the handle never worked properly- and violently stepped outside with the wrath of an angry god. Glaring around my surroundings I stalked over to the danky little house, ripping a few branches and bushes in the process, remembered I didn¡¯t stop my car, stalked back, turned it off, and finally made infront of the houses surprisingly pristine white metal door. I then came to the realization that this might be an intrusion of property and that the owner of the house had every right to shoot me depending on what country we were in, and a slightly worry tingled my chest. Then I realized I don¡¯t care and rapped the door three times with the back of my hand, ¡°Hello? Anyone?¡± I looked at the side of the house for a window to peer through despite the chance that I might look like a perverted peeping tom, but failed to find a single window at ground level. Looking back to the door I found it was open, and slightly more surprisingly was that the insides seemed infinite, stretching into a white abyss over a seamless glass floor. Deciding I was going to treat this as perfectly normal I walked inside the room and looked around for someone to talk to, quickly finding a busty well developed, sleek and curvy black but white-spotted woman staring at me in amusement from the comfort of bony throne. ¡°Quite calm aren¡¯t you?¡± She said in a voice that seemed to shake the ground I was standing on and pull on my heart. Shaking my head and deciding that commenting on her partial albinism is probably rude I rid myself of the thoughts and leveled a glare at her, ¡°No, I¡¯m quite angry actually.¡± She smirked, ¡°I see. Well then don¡¯t just stand in the entrance,¡± She gestured for me to come closer, ¡°Come sit.¡± She said and patted her lap. I stared at the woman, who I am going to make the illogical assumption is god, dubiously. ¡°Why do you want me to sit in your lap?¡± ¡°So I can touch you, my child.¡± ¡°That is pedophilism.¡± I answered without missing a beat, brief memories of uncle Hank being pulled out of the house by burly mountain cops flashing through my head. A displeased frown lighted her features, ¡°Sit.¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°You must.¡± ¡°I must not.¡± She leveled a glare at me and I felt my soul shivering in fear, but of course being a modern 21st century man-woman thing of some gender or other I proudly stood tall. Well, as tall as a food-deprived young adult with a permanent slight hunch could be. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. She growled and the glass under me shook, and the next instant I found myself seated upon her surprisingly comfortable lap as she looked at me with an amused smirk, arm gently snaked around my waist but without a doubt stronger than any vice the modern world could make. I looked her in the eye, ¡°You¡¯re a horrible santa.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not santa.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t even get me my christmas present.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not christmas.¡± I hmphed and turned my head to the side. Suddenly the woman burst into laughter, and I felt my soul responding, happiness that I made her laugh creepily wandering into my head without my consent. ¡°Well then child.¡± She said and pulled me closer to herself, and damn she was tall. At least two meters in height compared to my 1.7, the perfect height to uncomfortably smush my shoulder into her breasts. Soft and heavenly mind you, but I haven¡¯t had social contact since I entered high school and with a woman for the past twenty-six years. ¡°Shall we start discussing your future?¡± ¡°What about it? I mean considering here I¡¯m probably dead.¡± I said in monotone, desperately trying to deal with the awkwardness of being in close contact with a woman, a very, very sexy and strange woman, but a girl nonetheless. She nodded in confirmation, ¡°Yes, you died. And since your death was the fault of warring gods related to me you fall under my jurisdiction.¡± She nodded again with a smirk, ¡°Not to mention that same war caused you to gain partial divinity as well.¡± I cocked an eyebrow at that. ¡°Partial divinity? Me?¡± I let it sink in for a moment before leveling a ¡®I don¡¯t believe you¡¯ look at the goddess. She snorted, ¡°I¡¯m not surprised you don¡¯t, after all the way you gained it is completely ridiculous and almost unnoticeable.¡± ¡°Oh really.¡± I was desperately trying to ignore the breasts pushing against me, but her arm pulled me inwards and rubbed them onto my skin- wait when the hell did my shirt come off? ¡°You weren¡¯t wearing one in the car.¡± Right. Forgot about that. ¡°Anyway how did I gain divinity?¡± ¡°Exposure mostly.¡± ¡°Exposure?¡± ¡°Mm, where shall I begin¡­?¡± She pondered for a few long seconds, ¡°Do you remember that fly you swallowed when you were six?¡± ¡°No.¡± I answered obviously. Swallowing flies was the least of my problems at that point. ¡°Well that fly was the fifth son of Beelzebub who was sent to infiltrate the world and corrupt it with its many eggs it was about to lay.¡± She coughed, ¡°Since you swallowed it you technically saved the world, but that alone isn¡¯t enough to give you divinity.¡± She then continued with her tale, ¡°After that when you were sixteen you found Daedalus''s keyboard, a divine class artifact capable of dictating what monsters appear in the labyrinth after his fall, and since you used it so much you acquired a part of its soul- not to mention created several monstrosities, races, and saints in the labyrinth; but that is not important. After that the soul of Hercules, who unfortunately was turned into a coffee bean by a certain witch, found its way into your hands when you were experimenting with eating them raw, which you promptly swallowed and collapsed into a coma for thirteen days. Miraculously you managed to overpower his soul and gain some of his power and get closer to divinity. And then-¡± ¡°Alright alright I get it!¡± I frowned in displeasure, ¡°Now tell me, if I had all that, how did I die?¡± The woman snickered, an amused gleam in her eye, ¡°Well, due to Aphrodite¡¯s pendant being hidden in the floorboards of your car you attracted Freya¡¯s army who wanted control of it and they promptly obliterated you with a divine armament.¡± My eyebrow twitched in annoyance, then I sighed and looked at the goddess in defeat, ¡°Alright, so what is going to happen now?¡± She smirked again, ¡°Well, I¡¯m going to be reincarnating you into a world I made on a whim, and you¡¯ll find it similar to many of the novels you have written.¡± She grinned happily, ¡°So what do you say?¡± I sighed and rubbed my heavy eyelids, ¡°Sure sure, let¡¯s get this over with.¡± ¡°Aw~¡± She purred in my ear, causing me to fidget uncomfortably, ¡°Don¡¯t be so sad, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll entertain me well~¡± She ended with a smirk. ¡°Will I get a cheat of some kind?¡± ¡°Not one from me, your soul is enough of one already.¡± I raised an eyebrow to ask, then promptly thought better of it and sighed again, ¡°...So¡­ When am I leaving?¡± ¡°How~ about~ Now! *Smooch~¡± The damn woman! I sputtured for breath as our lips disconnected, but before I could shout my frustrations I found myself flying through space at warp drive, my body slowly being pulled apart like numb jello. Of course this left me without the ability to talk, but it didn¡¯t stop me from violently cursing a large cow. With a sudden jolt my soul was torn from my body, and pulled at a 72 degree angle towards what seemed to be, for all intents and purposes, a fucking blackhole. ¡®Staring¡¯ at it despondently I just shrugged my non-existent shoulders and waited for impact; which, all things considered in space, happened relatively quickly. Chapter 2 | Heroic Kitten <> I can fucking tell. I annoyedly opened my eyes and tried to ignore the slimy liquid covering my body and flattening the fur of my new body. Unfortunately like all my babies my vision was shot, blurry polygons of various blues and green filled my vision, and I noted the apparent lack of any red hue, including all forms of orange, purple, etcetera. Annoyingly enough the liquid caused all the sounds to be distorted, but it generally sounds like¡­ meowing and gleeful human shouting. Great. I¡¯m a fucking pet. Wearily I just collapsed onto the side, not even bothering to check my race before clocking out. ------------ <> Popping open an exhausted eye I looked at the blue window infront of me. ...Patch?... Bloody hell I can¡¯t get a break can i? At least I seem to be clean, not to mention wrapped in an extremely warm, fluffy jelly beans. That happen to be kneading my stomach with its paws. mewling in annoyance I tried to push the horrid offender away, and ended up pushingmyself further into the big jelly bean wrapped around the group of 3-4 smaller jelly beans. Well at least I know I¡¯m a cat considering the sound. I like cats. I never owned any. Unless poofy counts. Which the feral wildcat I once turned into my pet probably didn¡¯t. Wild afterall. Anyway, Status window?
?Patch? Race: Housecat (Calico) | Gender: Male Variant:
Level: 0
Mana: 5
Stamina: 13
Physical: 0
Mental: 0
Social: 2
| Skills | ¡ý Expand ¡ý
Expand skills.
Skills Archimedes Alchemy 1 Daedalus¡¯ Universal Language 1Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. Excalibur 1 Frankenstein''s Theorems 1 Hercules¡¯ Strength 1
I lazily looked over my skills and pulled up information on them. Archimedes Alchemy - You are to transmute all objects you are in contact with, for a cost of mana. Higher levels allow quicker and more efficient transmutations. Daedalus¡¯ Universal Language - You are able to understand all languages, written or vocal. Higher levels allow for better understanding of languages and other forms of communication. Excalibur - Summon a weapon that conforms to your needs. Higher levels allow for a more powerful version to be summoned. (Can also be used as a mana conduit) Frankenstein¡¯s Theorems - You are able to mutate/manipulate organic matter. Can transmute dead organic matter into living organic matter. Higher levels increase area of effect, efficiency and speed of transmutations. (Automatically grants knowledge of all anatomy you come into contact with) Hercules¡¯ Strength - Increases the effectiveness of Physical stat by twenty times plus one for each level of this skill. Current: 21x Well, I lazily looked at the window, guess I¡¯m OP now. Well whatever. I rolled onto my side and lazily stretched out my legs as I decided to take a quick catnap¡­ *chuckle --------- A few days passed and I mostly regained my vision, though still only in blue and green. Which begs the question of how I could see the status window, but I decided not to question it. On another note my owner is an easily excitable, mildly adorable busty noble woman with way too much free time and an unhealthy addiction to cute things. Although I admit lying in her lap while she works is entertaining it its own right. I don¡¯t have a leg fetish but this woman¡¯s thighs. Good god I wish I had more lap pillows in my previous life. I stretched out comfortably and earned a gentle scritch behind my ear. ¡°-And that concludes the report.¡± Ms.Maid-san- I always wanted to call someone with japanese honorifics- finished and waited for the lady¡¯s, who is named Duchess Jaenui Kuu, response. Jaenui, or Jae as I nicknamed her, pondered the scenario¡¯s that I never really paid attention to. ¡°Alice,¡± I¡¯m still calling her Ms.Maid-san. ¡°For now order Haiti to increase patrols and security while sending a request to the adventurer¡¯s guild to investigate the cause of the disappearances.¡± Ms.Maid-san gracefully bowed and dutifully left the room to fulfil her lord''s orders. Sighing Jae leaned back and picked me up, holding me gently above her as she looked into my eyes, long wavy brown hair spilling elegantly down the back of the chair as she spoke boredly. ¡°Well Patch, another group of village guards gone. Any ideas little hero?¡± I meowed. She tiredly sighed again and gently placed me on her bosom and gently scratched behind my ears, causing me to purr in pleasure. All beings in this world had a few things floating around them when others focused on them. Specifically it was their name, level, and healthbar. In rare cases one would have a variant, which would be displayed above their name. This meant that my hero variant was instantly exposed when Jae focused on me after my birth. Luckily or not in the grand scheme of things the hero variant is not restricted solely to humanoids, and from Jae¡¯s mutterings there has even been a mouse found with that particular variant. I still don¡¯t know exactly what a variant does thought. I mewled in annoyance and roled on Jae¡¯s breasts, playfully batting her villainous hand and causing her to smile gently. Jae was a rather hard working woman, beautiful and diligent. Cared for her subordinates and the people she governed over, not to mention was very sly with words. And of course this meant lecherous old men, or people who equated to them, probably lusted after her pure body. I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if it was the reason our guard patrols were disappearing, the question was when the attack would come on Jae specifically. And more unfortunately I probably don¡¯t have enough power to protect her. Currently my Archimedes Alchemy is at level 4 from creating various small contraptions and poisons I had knowledge in, and Frankenstein¡¯s theorems is at level two from slightly modifying my body. Unfortunately I was still a kitten, and without a large amount of organic matter I wouldn¡¯t be able to modify myself too much, not to mention coming into contact with different creatures to absorb their anatomy. All I could do right now was make my muscles more dense, fur fluffier, and gave myself a cuter face; successfully sealing my place as Jae¡¯s favorite kitten. Of course constantly clinging to her helps, but that¡¯s not important. I couldn¡¯t even give myself poison as I have no idea how to hold it in my body without killing myself, especially some of the deadlier poisons I have knowledge of from my previous life. Acid would be nice, but even using something as weak as pure sulfuric acid would burn through my flesh unless I coated my innards with teflon. Luckily my hercules strength is in effect due to my modifications awarding me with +1 physical. However it is not enough¡­ I tiredly laid on Jae¡¯s chest. Not enough¡­ I slowly fell asleep. Chapter 3 | Patch, the Dragon Kitty Worriedly I stirred from my sleep, finding myself in Jae¡¯s hands as she clutched me to her chest, a fearful frown on her face as she shivered in her slumber. Mewling I gently licked her neck, calming her down slightly as her eyes eventually trembled and opened in the darkness. Dimly her eyes focused on my form and her lips twitched slightly up, ¡°Another nightmare¡­¡± ¡°Mew-¡± Gently her finger scratched the back of my head and I purred contently. Somewhere in the house glass shattered and Jae immediately sat up in alarm, tossing off her blankets and grabbing the dagger under her pillow, I nestled in the crook of her other arm and diligently watched the entrance. With a thump, clatter of armor, and a bang the door was thrown open, several people rushing inside directly at Jae, a mage standing in the back started chanting, gritting her teeth Jae jumped to the side and avoided the assassin¡¯s long sword but dropped me in the progress. Hitting the floor with a thud I ignored Jae¡¯s grit teeth and focused on the foot of the assassin coming to kick me away. Excalibur! Come! With a flash of light excalibur manifested on my back, and according to my hopes it came as a shining, tiny, yet very deadly artillery cannon. Not wasting time I shot the assassin in the foot, noting that the one shot took two mana¡­ and completely blew the assassin¡¯s leg off sending him into a screaming frenzy, flying around in a flip before crashing into the wall, unconscious. The mage finished her chant a moment after and with a boom the air was forcibly ripped from Jae¡¯s lungs, stealing her conscious. Meowing in utter fury I backed up, excalibur¡¯s cannon swiveling around for the shot, first firing into the chest of an approaching man, then through the girl behind him. 3 down, three to go. Unfortunately I only had one shot left, which I promptly used to blow the mage¡¯s head to satisfying smithereens. Not wasting time as the other two assassins stood in completely unrelatable shock I reformed excalibur into a simple blade on my forehead and wrathfully charged the closest assassin- -and completely did not expect to go flying in his direction, impaling then ripping through his leg in one go. Shaking off the suddenness I turn to the last assassin and mewl menacingly, satisfied to see the assassin running out the door with his tail between his leg- huh, wolf man. Ignoring that I instantly moved to the screaming one legged assassin, who was shamelessly crawling on the floor as he tried to kick me away. Not having any of that I simply impaled his other foot, then jumped ontop of him and head butted his forehead. Great, now that the screaming has stopped I can finally start my work. After all there is a giant mass of biomass laid around the room, it would be a shame not to use it~ *ting~ <> I blinked at the chipper message then immediately opened my status window and put all five stat points into mental.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
?Patch? Race: Housecat (Calico) | Gender: Male Variant:
Level: 5
Mana: 32
Stamina: 143
Physical: 1
Mental: 5
Social: 2
| Skills | ¡ý Expand ¡ý
32 mana and 143 stamina, I can work with that. Frankenstein¡¯s theorems requires mostly stamina to work from my slight experiments. However mana is necessary to do the initial analyzation and break down. Luckily mana regenerates automatically upon leveling, unlike stamina. However I was going to be breaking down alot of material and assimilating it¡­ I should probably just stick with the size of a child. But first! I grinned and turned to the headless-mage, the red scales on his throat glimmering in the pale moonlight. Excitedly I ran up to him and touched my paw to the skin on his left ankle, the knowledge of the scales instantly being transferred to my mind along with another few interesting biological gimmicks. ¡°Mew mew mew~¡± I chuckled darkly and sent out a wave of mana, temporarily becoming lightheaded as half my mana was depleted in one go. Instantly the mage¡¯s lower half turned into a brown-red mist, streaked towards my body and excruciatingly melted it while I remained conscious. Growling I redesigned my DNA and RNA to incorporate the structure I would be implementing, then started the seemingly agonizingly slow process of actually making a body. First off let¡¯s design the base, then model the DNA and Rna to change as I grow older. Umu, while being covered in fur is nice I want to have smooth skin in some places. Let¡¯s make myself look a catkin, with some changes of course. At the end of the transformation I had a small petite child body. My center body was mostly skin, and my head looked like an adorable little boys plus cat ears. The distal parts of my limbs were covered in fur and ended in claws, my feet bowlegged because why not. Two thin cat tails stretched up from my lower back. My fur was the same calico pattern as before, but with the toughness of the mage¡¯s dragon scales. (they retained the silkiness.) My muscles were also rather dense for my size, giving me a bit of weight. *ting~ <> I grinned at the message then quickly turned around to find Jae staring at me in shock. ¡°P-patch?¡± I tilted my head and smiled happily, ¡°Yes?¡± She shook her head and smiled wryly. ¡°Nothing, can I rely on you to protect me?¡± She asked with a bit of regret, various heavy thoughts burdening her overworked mind. I stuck my chest out proudly, ¡°Leave it to me!¡± Nodding seriously she walked to the assassins corpse and picked up his longsword, meanwhile I summoned Excalibur in the form of a rapier, then thought better of myself and converted it into a katar. Uncertainty Jae looked at the door, screwed up her determination and exited with me following quickly behind.