《Divine Entertainment》 Welcome: A Rock Falls out of the Sky Hi there. I''m Lucas Daewyr and I''d like to present to you th- BOOM!! I was interrupted mid-sentence by the authorsound of a crash coming from somewhere in the beach behind me. (You might be wondering why I''m at a beach but I like to come here for the peace and quiet, now back to the story). I turned around sure I would see something that would change my life forever... but the sudden turn made me lose my balance and fall over. Embarrassed, I pulled myself to my feet and looked around, hoping there was no-one who saw my fall before getting back to the more important matter at hand, the crash. After looking around for a bit I finally found what appeared to be a black meteor embedded into the ground near the shore. Shocked I went to pull my phone from my pocket to report this to someone, that is before I remembered I was in board shorts and had left my phone back in my apartment. Seeing as I didn''t have too many options I decided to just do some investigating myself, who knows I might even find some alien watch or green ring inside it and it wasn''t every day a rock falls from the sky right next to you.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. With that positive thought in mind, I took a long look the sky rock as I now called it, since it looked nothing like the meteors I had seen in popular television programs such as "Honey, There''s a Rock in the Roof" and "The Falling Sky Rocks that Fall from the Sky: Meteors/Meteorites/Meteoroids" which seemed more full of holes than swiss cheese and a boring grey while the Sky Rock was a sleek, jet black and seemed to almost radiate a dark glow. After picking up a piece of nearby driftwood I approached the Sky Rock. A maniacal grin broke out on my face as my mind filled with scenarios of aliens and robots bursting out of the rock to say hi, which despite the less than unlikely chances of happening brought a smile to my face and filled me with a sense of anticipation at what could happen. As I walked towards it, I almost thought I could see the glow on the rock getting brighter but I dismissed that to an overactive imagination and kept moving closer. I was within a few steps of it when it happened... or at least that''s when I thought something was supposed to happen but I got nothing. Not one lousy alien or measly superpower. I was so disappointed that none of my fantastic dreams had occurred that throwing caution aside I got angry and kicked the thing. Probably a mistake. Please, Take Your Seats pt. 1: Attack of the Martians!! (Not Really) Even after kicking it NOTHING HAPPENED! I moved to walk off only to discover to discover something shocking. There was a Martian in it! Just kidding, it was in fact just stuck to my foot, which in my eyes was strange enough for ce-le-braa-tion!! Filled with joy I let out a loud yell and ran back up the beach, well not quite running but doing a strange limping-hopping-jumping type motion as there was a rock stuck to my foot after all, but I cheered all the way. Distracted by my euphoria at discovering the slightest of oddities, I failed to not the tendrils creeping up from the rock that were slowly fusing into my left foot. Of course I''m not some dense, moronic protagonist (we shall see)so I eventually noticed my left foot was feeling a bit strange and the rock "stuck" to my foot was feeling aaaa littttle biiittt lighter than before, causing me to look down. Honestly I''d say I handled that pretty well. So what ifmy screams were reported in China, does it really matter if I still bear bruises from running into that tree these are just small things. Right?Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. After my "small" reaction, I looked carefully at the now shrunken Sky Rock and saw that my left foot seemed to have somehow absorbed most of it and that the last few tendrils were flying into my shin. How you ask? Don''t ask me. I was merely doing my duty as a closet otaku and hoping like hell for superpowers. I mean really if YOU were in the same situation we both know you would do the same thing. After several minutes of serious, intense, waiting (squinting and and wishing on all visible stars in the night sky above me) the rock finally finished soaking in to my foot. Okay let''s just stop for a minute and think about this. Of all the places a super-magical(hopefully), rainbow(black), unicorn(meteor) could be absorbed into it was my trusty, left foot?! Come on! I mean, couldn''t it stick somewhere cool like my right leg or right arm I mean I feel like it didn''t make the "right" decision.
For making a pun in such a serious situation(at least it should have been) you have been awarded the Achievement "Dat''s Real Punny" and the Title "Prankster."
Okay, the meteor o'' tendrils was one thing but glowing panels. Really?! As in really awesome!! Now all I need is a unbeatable sword and I''m set... Nothing. Damn, well at least I tried, damned Murphy gets me every time. So with that happy thought in mind, a black foot(meteor) and a black eye(tree) I grabbed my stuff and set off for home. Please, Take Your Seat pt. 2: Hot Perks and P.O.K.E.M.O.N Movies
Good Morning Contestant No. 666! Congratulations on joining your fellow 665 contestants on the Path to Destiny. As an Initiate level planet, we will activate the tutorial in 666 minutes for all 666 participants. Warning! by accepting the absorption of your fragment of destiny you have agreed to the Terms and Conditions? And remember death is somewhat final!BWAA-HAA-HAA!
Wait What?! What T&Cs? What do you mean death is final, I want my righteous respawns, sweet saves and and competitorless checkpoints. Although, now that I think about it that "fragment of destiny" must be the meteor ''o'' tendrils from yesterday. You know, I actually don''t remember that much about yesterday after getting home maybe I said "I accept the Terms and Conditions..."
LOL! You fell for it and accepted the T&Cs! Ha, the look on your face is priceless you know. Aahhh! It''s moments like this I live for. Anyway, now that you''ve accepted the Terms & Conditions, I''ll show you the mess you just got yourself into. T&Cs 1. Death is final. No respawns, rebirths, retries, redos or re-anythings. 2. There are no save points or checkpoints, or points of a similiar nature. 3. Our partners fromthe Planning Order, Kronos''s Executives Most Overerwhelmingly Neuro-supermen now can use footage from any part of your future lives in any way they wish for free. 4. You must give signatures upon request of a Staff Member. Enjoy!
So, death is permanent and P.O.K.E.M.O.N. is gonna make my life into a movie. ... -blinks blankly- ... Seems legit.
For keeping your calm in front of the crazy, take +1 Willpower and a Perk point.Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. Good Luck figuring out what they are!!!
Status Screen!
How did you know??? You know what, screw you! Lock Status Screen, Randomize Status Points Distribution , Hide Skill Screen, Randomize Skill Points Distribute. Have fun figuring that out smarty-pants! BWWAA-HAAA-HAAA.
Well this isn''t good... Dammit! ARGHHH!! Why couldn''t I have waited...like...like...2 minutes before utilising my G***r knowledge!! Why! Why! Why! Think Lucas, think, how am I not being screwed over by this screen. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm... (5 minutes later) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm... (1 hour later) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Well I got nothing! I guess I''ll just distribute that Perk point... Huh, that''s it my beautiful Perk Points. My sweet, beautiful Perk Points. Perk Screen! Nothing huh, how about Perks!, Perk Points, Perk Point Distributor, Perkify my points to Fire!
Searching Fire! in perk library... Searching... Searching... Searching... Searching... Found 10 Perks Available please choose perk to distribute perk points to. 1. Great Balls of Fire! - Requires Small Balls of Fire perk -Allows you to shoot balls of fire from your hand like the great Tim himself. -Requires 2 perk points 2. Tim''s Inheritance! - Receive 1 Random Ability, Skill or Item of Tim the Fire Wizard -Can be Chosen up to666 times 666 remaining -Costs 1.000000000000000000001 Perk Points 3. Small Balls of Fire! -Prerequisite for Great Balls of Fire -Shoot small Balls of Fire from your hand -Perfect for the budding pyromaniac -Costs 1 Perk Point 4. Heaven''s Fire -Unlocks Fire Manipulation -Unlocks Fire Body -Unlocks Fire Soul -Unlocks Fire Affinity -Unlocks Random Fire Sword skill -All Fire produced or manipulated from now on will be white tinged blue. -Costs 5 Perk Points Perk Points Available: 6
I''ll choose... Please, Take Your Seat pt. 3: Buying Souls, Couches and Lighters NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait let me explain the screaming: as you probably have no idea what is going on. Well, you see it started about 5 minutes ago... I think I''ll choose... Heaven''s Fire. Well, what did you think I''d choose? Small Balls of Fire is for amateurs plus I''m way past the "budding" pyro stage. Also, there is limited growth for infinitely spamming fireballs once you get past the "blowing stuff up" stage. Tim''s Inheritance sounds cool but, it basically seems like a lucky draw and without my precious saves there is no way I''m gambling on that. there is also the fact that I have never heard of Tim and I really like even figures so that 0.9999999999999999999 would be a pain to look at. Past those two however, we have Heaven''s Fire which unlocks like, 5 other things and my favourite colour is blue. So onwards to Destiny!! And with those meaningless inspirational words, I spun around to face the screen awaiting my decision. And tripped on my own feet falling face-first through the screen and onto the floor. Well at least I only did a faceplant onto the floor and, well, I don''t like to say this but other than pain and a broken nose what could go wrong?
Congratulations Contestant No. 666 you are the first to purchase a Perk: Choosing Tim''s Inheritance... As your first Perk, you will gain a special option for your Perk. As Tim''s Inheritance is a lottery-style Perk your special option is that if you receive an item it will gain the Self-repairing, Growth and Unbreakable options and if you gain a skill it will have the potential to evolve into a higher grade skill. Other special options are hidden.
So you''re saying I get a Max Durability item or a growth skill? Jackpot!!! Wait doesn''t that mean if I picked Heaven''s Fire it would have got special options?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And that brings us back to the present. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Congratulations Contestant No. 666 you are now the proud owner of Tim''s Lighter. Tim''s Lighter:This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. Item Type: Growth Options: Infinite Fuel, Unbreakable and Self-Repairation. Description: Tim''s Lighter was held dear to his heart as the item which brought him on the path of a fire mage. Intended to be given to his son as a memoir it is a lighter. That''s it. Enjoy, sincerely: World. +1 to all flame-related skills. +1 to all fire mage class skills.
A lighter? A freaking lighter?! It''s settled, the Universe hates me. I mean it maybe be a super-skill-boosting-lighter but it is still a lighter. I wonder how much it would get on tree-bay? "Hell-o there." Who are you, how did you get in my house and did you bring Cheetos?! "Some call me Lucifore others Da Vil, you called me and yes, yes I did." Wait your the DE- "SHHH!! P.O.K.E.M.O.N. is always watching and I sold that name to them millennia ago." "Now back to the point I was saying you called me here by thinking of selling an Artifact but I will also take your soul and whatever else you have to offer for a price. " So your here to buy stuff from me for what reason exactly? "I already told you I''m here to buy your Artifact and whatever else you want to sell." Wait by Artifact do you mean this lighter? "Wait did you say lighter? One moment, I need to call an associate of mine." "Yohweh you sent me to buy a lighter?! When I come back we will have a serious talk about this!" So you will buy anything other than the lighter? "Yep, I don''t see why not." Alright then I will sell my couch, my TV, my fridge, my freezer, all food contained within, said freezer, all my phobias, fears and hesitation, my lack of discipline and all the air exhaled by me ever and the space between my first and last names. "Is that all?" Wait you will actually buy my fears? "Yep, helps us torture souls in the land down under." Australia? "No, as in like Down, down you know with the souls, brimstone and fire?" Ohhhh. You mean America. "Maybe after the new guy''s been running it a year or two but no, I mean... nevermind. Anyway, that will come to a price of 0.0000000000000000000001 Perk Points. Is there anything else you wish to sell. Like anything at all because I want to make this visit worthwhile." In that case, I will sell the lack of a space in between my names. "Hahahaha, I like you. That is the funniest thing I''ve seen in a while. In fact, I''ll actually let you do that as it is unique and we have a use for it so. I''ll give you a Stat Point for it but since I''m allowing this you have to sell me some soul. Foolio is that McCoolio? Did you like that, I''m thinking of going into rapping and you''re the first person to see it and-" The accent is good and you''ve got yourself a deal. "Excellent."
Congratulations Contestant No. 666 you have made a deal with the Da Vil and lived +1 Charisma +1 Luck Lucifore will give you 1 Stat Point, 1.0000000000000000000009 Perk Points and a half-eaten bag of C**eto* in exchange for your assorted junk, your namespace and lack of namespace and a Portion of your soul. Please specify Soul Portion (Soul currently possessed 99%). Confirm Deal: Y/N
Specify Soul Portion as 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% and confirm. He looked up to see a grinning Lucifore who had seen his Contract who laughed and with a snap of his fingers disappeared leaving the words "I like you kid!" ringing in my head.