《Black Friday》


 Prologue fishy beginnings

    Hi my name is Trai


    Not tray that you eat on but Trai. Today is blue. Today is blue not because the actual day is called blue or something bizarre like that no, today is blue because today I¡¯m wearing blue tented¡­


    yep you guessed it shades.


    Blue tinted shades I wear different color shades for every occasion and today is chill day. But before I can enjoy a day of chill I need some money. Incidentally to day is also payday so I put on my gold shades and head to the bank¡­


    I know a little pretentious but let me explain. Since I started doing this paint the world for occasion routine it¡¯s become harder to stop and more complex.I wear different tents for every occasion


    white when I¡¯m sick


    red for watching fight night at my friend¡¯s


    blue when I¡¯m trying to chill


    black when I¡¯m picking up girls


    gold when I¡¯m at work or buying scratch offs


    I even have a purple for cleaning


    And a brown when using the bathroom compliments of my friend Andy who thought this was hilarious when I first started my new colorful routine.


    ¡­.


    Puns


    ¡­


    so back to what I was saying today is blue I¡¯m going to pick up my check while wearing gold now and then switch back to blue, and head to Andy¡¯s for some fun I brought my blue shades I¡¯m ready to chill.


    As I pull up to Andy¡¯s apartment I¡¯m greeted by the yelling contest he was having with his birther. Birther cause she gave birth to him.


    Its a pun¡­


    I¡¯m funny dammit


    ¡­


    Silently as possible in front of his door I grab the hidden key under the flower pot and let my self in sneaking into his room. His mom likes to drag me in since I respectfully just take her side. Once in I start playing the Xbox¡­


    *20mins later*


    his door opens


    ¡­(Andy)


    Sup(Trai)


    When did you get here why are you¡­.


    Shh shh shhh don¡¯t worry about it see blue shades so chill


    I¡¯ll call the cops next time


    You¡¯ve been saying that since we were 18


    *Andy calling the cops*


    Ok OK OK chill chill shesh can¡¯t you take a joke I¡¯m wearing blue shades for crying out loud


    *stares*


    Yes I would like to report¡­


    It¡¯s on me today.. Everything is on me just please stop


    Actually I forgot that I knocked that over when I left earlier there was no break in sorry for wasting your time sir *grins*


    *whines* I wanted to buy something later


    *evil grin*Yea that sucks cause I¡¯m feeling lobster


    *snap*


    Ok but I pick the place


    As we walked out Andy had the most annoying smug smile on his face so I quickly looked up the cheapest buffet styled lobster joint around and that¡¯s how we ended up in Rusty Joe¡¯s Seagate. It looked like a bait and tackle shop with a shrimp on a hook sign proudly reading out Rusty Joe¡¯s Seagate. The building was a little run down but it looked like it wouldn¡¯t fall in the next hour or two. As we entered a strong rank smell invaded are nostrils making them sting a little. There were surprisingly other people inside a homeless guy and a couple of.


    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere....


    Pirates


    ¡­


    They must be employees as we approached the counter a lady showed us to our table and left to fetch us some water. Strangly she wasn''t wearing a pirate uniform but maybe she was a bad employee.


    I¡¯ve never been here


    Me neither it¡¯s a dump


    Really this place is great


    But¡­that smell man


    Cause they use real seafood of course the place smells like this trust me my people from the islands


    Ah that makes sense


    Hahahahai idiot


    We both leave and fill our plates with lobster, shrimp, clams, oyster, sea weed, mystery fish, the works of course it all smells funny but I pretend not to notice. Once back at the table you could barely see our plates under the food I look up and Andy¡¯s just staring at his food he needs a push


    Yo smells super fresh right


    Yea I think so


    Bro you gonna love it go ahead take the first bite man


    Yea¡­sure


    Hehehe hook line and sinker. I watch as he¡¯s about to take the first bite looking around again there¡¯s no way this dump is sanitary or edible I bet he¡¯ll puke soon as he bites in to it. I''ll get a good laugh and then we''ll eat some real food at some where nice.


    The food enters his mouth he chews cautiously then starts to vigorously gulp down the rest on his plate.


    ...


    I stared at him blankly for a second then tried some of it myself.


    it was amazing the best thing I¡¯ve ever had in my life the crunch of the meat the subtle salty taste the way the meat melted in your mouth it was just incredible. We had two giant plates of Rusty Joe Seagate¡¯s divine food it was soul crushing good as we ate our stomachs would shake begging for more. When we were done we just stared at each other


    I¡­I feel sick


    Yea me too ate too much


    No I really don¡¯t feel good


    And like clock worked he puked.   He fell to the ground clutching his side¡¯s panting making struggling and choking gurgling sounds. His face was quickly turning red and showing signs of strain.


    I quickly got up


    SOMEBODY HEughh nn


    I got disoriented and before I realized it I had fell to the floor and puked. clutching my sides as wave after wave of pain violently invaded my body.


    Drool ran down our faces as our bodies shook uncontrollably from the pain. Looking to the side Andy wasn¡¯t doing much better he was biting down on his forearm hard enough to tear flesh while I had already began to draw blood digging my nails into my sides.


    Even though my eyes were closed even though I somehow managed to be still wearing shades everything kept getting brighter as if someone had a blinding light inches from my closed eyes and as the light got brighter the pain grew more and more dull and distant as if fading away.

 Everyone has problems

    *Heaven*


    Serene scenery as far as the eye can see.


    Clouds so white they seem to radiate light , awalkwaymade of the purest gold with jewelencrusteddesigns that would bring peace of mind no matter how long one stared at them.


    Depicting history time and creation these designs show the answers to all questions.


    surrounding this a river so clear it¡¯ll put a crystal¡¯s clarity to shame water so pure and divine it could be used to cure death itself.


    All this and more are but just the entrance to the heavenly abode.


    Souls as far as the eye can see constantly flow forward at surprisingly rapid speeds as they are judged and sent to their next destination whether that be heaven, hell or reincarnation only time will tell.


    *Heaven¡¯s Gate*


    *Simon The Judge*


    *Simon¡¯s POV*


    Only nine years left why are breaks so short.


    Sure a ten year break every ten millenniums sounds like a good work schedule for just judging souls And for awhile it was.


    But no someone always has to ruin a good thing my ex coworker Lucifer lost it over one of our supervisors adding to his work a little blue planet with a potential three trillion souls to be judged.


    An when I say he lost it oh boy all the skeletons came out the closet after that fiasco he was lucky reassignment was all that happened to him.


    I swear It¡¯s always the nice ones that snap it¡¯s never it¡¯ll get done eventually Buddha or I have the coolest voice Morgan I mean yes he does and it does soothe even us his fellow gods but that does not make up for his bad work performance,not to mention since Lucifer left my work has almost doubled.


    Lucifer now he could judge he even came up with a tier system for judging adding reincarnation into the mix.


    Just a joy full fellow to be around filled with inventive ideas you would think time would slow him some , but nope he was still the same as the day he left us work never broke his spirit to reform this place.


    Which also explains how he snapped he was pushing for single celled organisms to get a soul as well crying about how only multi celled Organisms getting souls only is favoritism.


    He even went as far as designing the walkway with infinite knowledge simply think of a subject and look down and the pictures will flood your soul with understanding.


    Or if you¡¯re a blank slate like single celled organisms it gives you basic information so you can enjoy or understand what''s about to happen, truly a masterpiece.Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    And single handedly paved the way to everything alive even single cell organisms getting a soul.


    But the fact our supervisor overnight pulled out his ass a plan for a planet that he wanted him to be responsible for in the middle of nowhere and it came into action as easy as turning a page rubbed him the wrong way.


    Not to mention he wanted it to have no ruling deity and for the inhabitants to be allowed free will on the level of a gold rate planet was just crazy.


    And I kinda see why he reacted like that they''re a pain in the ass when I went on break 7 months ago these two souls who I¡¯ve yet to judge were strangling each other.


    ¡­


    A foolish thing to do since the soul needs no air but yet here they are trying to choke each other while fussing about random things. Each subject more petty then the next.


    ¡°You convinced my girlfriend to break up with me so we could chill more¡±


    ¡°You sold me out leaving my Facebook open so my girlfriend can see I cheated you ba-¡±


    Ugh they won¡¯t shut up they haven¡¯t even noticed me.


    Well whatever i''ve been holding back on reading waiting for the series to end.


    As I pull out every star wars movie manuscript ever made I take a second to really appreciate the small things.


    The story keeps getting better and better I hear.


    Interesting enough a couple of the species do actually exist I might make a solar system like this if I ever get promoted.


    I start reading at a slow 10,000 words a second to really enjoy the series.


    It''s amazing if only he knew how close this sequence of events actually became history.


    Oh I can tell this is the cli-


    ¡°No that¡¯s star trek idiot this is star wars you know Vader and Luke I am your father¡±


    *snap*


    ¡°THAT''S IT I HAVE PUT UP WITH YOUR SHIT FOR MONTHS YOU SHALL TEST MY PATIENCE NO MORE¡±(SIMON)


    ¡° I didn¡¯t even know you could understand us¡±


    " Shouldn¡¯t you be all knowing the floor said your a lesser good why do you have to read the dumb thi-"


    ¡°EENNOOUUGGHHH I DON¡¯T CARE IF I''M ON BREAK YOU SHALL BE REINCARNATED NOW....DUNG BEATLES...NO NO THAT WOULD BE TO GOOD FOR YOU ROACHES WAY TO KIND NO I HAVE SOMETHING WAY WORSE THAN A INSECT YES IT WAS MADE FOR A SPECIAL SOMEONE WHERE HELL WASN''T ENOUGH.NOW BEGONE¡± (SIMON)


    As they sat there quivering in fear I quickly went to reincarnating them as the worst thing imaginable.


    As they started to disappear a gold light hit them changing the reincarnation vengeance I bestowed upon them.


    BeforeI could change it back I was summoned to my supervisor¡¯s office.


    ughhh he looks livid.


    *HR HEAVEN*


    *ODIN*


    ¡°SIMON.SIMON.SIMON.(ODIN)


    "WHEN YOU SENT THE MAKER OF PURELL TO STALIN''S PERSONAL HELL I FOR GAVE YOU".(ODIN)


    "HE SINGLED HANDEDLY DOUBLED MY WORK OVER NIGHT ALL GERMS HAVE SOULS SIR"(SIMON)


    "WHEN YOU SENT TRUMP TO A ALTERNATE WORLD WHERE HE WAS PRESIDENT AND KEPT DOING GOOD HONEST THINGS AGAINST HIS WILL I HUMORED YOU.(ODIN)


    "YOU SAID IT WAS...FUNNY and showed creativity"(simon)


    YES IT WASBUT WHY IS IT TWO LOW OFFENDERS WERE ABOUT TO BE SENT TO HITLER¡¯S SPECIAL MADE REINCARNATION LIFE CYCLE OF AN IMMORTAL BEING WHO CAN ONLY FEED OFF HIS OWN SKIN.(ODIN)


    ¡­


    ¡°THEY SPOILED MY READING OF STAR WARS TH-¡°(SIMON)


    ¡°ENOUGH¡­YOU ARE ON THIN ICE I GROW WEARY OF YOUR ANTICS KEEP THIS UP AND YOU WON¡¯T BE MISSING YOUR BFF LUCIFER ANYMORE.DO I MAKE MY SELF CLEAR¡±(ODIN)


    "SIR YES SIR"(SIMON)


    As I watched my adorable nefew leave I looked at where I had sent the pair I saved from unessaary torment.


    Hmm


    ...


    Not the best pair they''re soul reek of emotions.


    Really humans are a funny species they''ll make great pieces to my game.


    I just so happened to be looking for the perfect final pieces to get this chess game rolling