《The Hero Beside You》 Ch.1 Fuck Heroes A hero, chosen by the gods, is someone who stands above the crowds, a beacon of hope and strength while also being an exemplary goal that everyone strives to be. On their shoulders, they carry an unbelievable burden as they set out on their mission to make the world a better place. With that kind of job description the whole world probably believes being a hero is the hardest job occupation in existence, they could never be so wrong. The hardest job occupations on this planet are: (1) A door to door used dildo salesman. (2) The guy that jerks off animals for breeding. (3) A hero''s companion. (4) Being a fucking hero. All in that order Why is a being a hero''s companion harder than an actual hero you asks? Think about it. Being a companion pretty much guarantees yourself a horrible death just so that hero doesn''t get killed before the final boss fight. It always ends the same way with them laying in a puddle of their own blood maybe missing a limb or two, raining because the Gods have a flair for dramatic theatrics or maybe it''s a legit way to summon rain I don''t fucking know. The poor sucke- I mean trusted companion holds the hero''s hand with the iconic blood dribble running down the chin and tells some sort of motivational speech about hope or courage or some sort of bullshit as the light in their eyes dim. Then ten to fifteen seconds later they shit themselves. That''s what happens to you when you follow a hero people, you wind up in a puddle of your own blood and shit. Luckily for you when they retell the tale they leave out the part about you shitting yourself. Oh, and let us not forget who gets all the credit at the end of this asinine journey, that''s right the gods damn fucking hero. So when they write the book or engrave on the plaque below the statue it''s probably going to read " Dedicated to the great cock-sucking hero that blah blah world blah blah never forget blah blah forever thankful. . . . . . . . and friends". That''s all you get a ". and friends" mention after you got turned into a bloody human confetti because you decided to ''take one for the team''. I know what you''re thinking: "Who is this obviously handsome rogue sex god who knows exactly how it is?". Well, my name is Ryder Cullen and right now I am currently lying face up in a puddle of my own blood with a sword stuck in my chest. This is no pussy stab either. This sword is deep, I''m talking about whoever is able to pull this sword out would be declared the one true king of Rovick kind deep. I would pull it out myself but I''m afraid that it would require two hands, unfortunately, I seem to be missing my right hand. I should try and locate it immediately but being in the middle of a raging forest inferno with almost a wall of smoke covering everything would make it almost imposs- no wait I found it. Somehow it landed on a nonlit shrub and it''s giving me the thumbs up like it knows everything is gonna be ok. I would expect nothing less from my dominant masturbation hand/ lady fun parts pleaser/ main hand I use to fight bad guys with.The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. Man, I''m losing a lot of blood. I could try and stand up but gosh darn it beside the sword which is pretty much keeping me nailed to the ground I seem to be also missing everything below my right knee. I know for sure that I''m never going see that beautiful foot again. How did I get in this situation you ask? Well if you weren''t paying attention to the bloody chapter heading "Ch.1 Fuck Hero''s" I''m in this mess because of a fucking hero, and not just any fucking hero. My best friend Regis who just so happens to be a god damn fucking hero. So do you know what that makes me? A fucking hero''s companion! So everything happening to me right now is another day at the office apparently. Wake up for breakfast, do some exercising, stop and wonder about the future, and finally, get stabbed and die in the middle of a forest fire. That''s a full workload right there. Well at least it''s not rai-nope, now it''s raining. I''m so fucking dead. Ok, maybe my death won''t be so bad, maybe it''ll be one of those passing out gently from the blood loss kind of death, that sounds nice. At least I know without a single doubt in my mind that the asshole that did this to me is gonna be down for a good whi- I hear him getting up..........GODS FUCKING DAMMIT!!!! Wait, wait if I play dead maybe he''ll leave me alone. A couple of seconds go by with only the sounds of the fire being pelted by the rain. A small part of me thinks the plan is actually wor- "I know your still alive Ryder" Fuck! "I will admit you got me pretty good there, and boy that''s saying something considering how long I''ve been kicking" I can''t answer you right now I''m currently dead at the moment. The sound of approaching footsteps stops right next to me. I can''t feel the rain hitting me anymore so I''m pretty sure he''s standing over me looking down at my feign death pose. "You must think I''m pretty dumb if this little sub par act of yours is supposed to fool me," he said while chuckling. That is the plan asshole. "The only problem with playing dead is..." A sudden ping sound could be heard and I can feel a small wave of vibrations run down the sword into my chest. Small sparks of pain flash in my mind as I try to keep my act together. I feel something pressing down on my stomach which I think is his foot and the blade running through me slightly shifts. A cold realization dawned on me as I realized what was gonna happen next. ".....you got to be able to withstand the pain when they check you" My little facade immediately crumbles as huge bursts of pain just flared throughout my body as I feel the long sharp metal being pulled roughly out me. I try to yell out, but all I manage to get out is wet hacks of blood that flys out of my mouth. "I guess this is end of your journey Ryder, short as it maybe you still managed to take a few steps out there, it''s just that its unfortunate that you were stepping towards a hollow grave" I gave him my best teary eyed glare I could muster and tried to reply with a witty retort but all that I managed to say was "Guh as*cough* um ga*cough*" You can''t be a smartass with blood in your lungs. "Don''t worry about Regis, Ryder, I''m sure he''ll be following closely behind you" The asshole said as he swung his blade to the side of him, discharging any blood residue that clung to his sword. That wasn''t what I was trying to say asshole! I was trying to say that least my grave isn''t as big as your mother''s cunt! The asshole points the tip of his sword at my throat, eyeing the angle for his finishing strike. I see a creepy deranged smile slowly crawls onto his face as he lifts the sword above his head. The flickering light of the dying flames and ember shimmers on the blades reflective edge making the sword look like it was on fire. You know what is the worst thing right now is? It''s that I really need to take a shit right now. The sword comes down. Ch.2 Flashbacks Can Be A Bitch . . . . . Any day now. . . Won''t be long now. . . I can feel my hand reaching to where my satchel is but it''s just not grabbing anything. As the last of the lights faded out I found myself in a dimly lit hallway. It kinda looks like a hallway on an inn. I mean it had all the telltale signs an inn hallway: faded creme color walls, barely functional magelight lamps hanging on the ceiling, multiple thick wooden doors with little golden number plaques on them, crappy wooden furniture that no sensible person would ever own, paintings of random crap hanging on the walls between rooms, all the usual things you find at an inn. "Mn mm!" "Ah, yees yes!" Thud thud thud Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.Oh well, now I''m three for three Donnis you old fucker. Thud Thud Thud "Ah ah mn!" "Oh, Ryder! Your gonna break me!" The woman screams in pleasure. "Shh, your husband is gonna find us out" The look alike Ryder said to quiet the woman but instead he quickens the pace of his thrusting much to the delight of his female partner. "I don''t fucking care!" She replies as she reaches behind her and turns her head to passionately locks lips with Ryder as he plowed her from behind. Ch.3 So What Are You Going To Show Me Next? "DON''T STOP FUCKING ME!" Helen screamed. So this is a ''life flash'' huh? "Gods your so tight!" Ryder groaned. You know for an event that has the word ''flash'' in it this is kinda taking awhile. "Play with my nipples Ryder" Helen begged, "please, please, please!". It also doesn''t help that- "PUT YOUR FINGERS IN MY ASSHOLE RYDER!" -EVERYBODY IS SO FUCKING LOUD! Can''t even hear myself think, gods dammit. BAM BAM BAM . . . . . I''m not even mad about the noise. I''m mad because I know what comes at the end of the story and spoiler warning it involves an asshole with a sword. Besides if it was even remotely possible to interact with these memories I would probably be tag teaming Helen with my other self by now. Helen was one of few fine asses that I got before I found myself in this predicament. I don''t even have a boner to jerk off with this perfect masturbation material. I guess penises don''t come included with these astral bodies when your having a ''life flash'' moment. Talk about wasted opportunity. If I can''t even jerk off in my own head then I just want this to be over with already. Bring on the eternal void baby, because this blue ball torture chamber is gonna make my nonexistent astral balls blow apart my fucking head in real time! Speaking of head, if this is all in my head, why can''t I just skip to the very end or at the very least be able to rewatch things in slow motion maybe? I might as well give it a try. C''mon concentrate, think acceleration, written speed. "Fuck me faster, Ryder, faster, faster! Yes, that''s it!" Not the kind of speed I was thinking of. Whatever, I give up. "Helen, when does your husband come back?" Ryder grunted as he plowed Helen in the missionary position. "Ah ah don''t worry he''s at ah ah pub with his friends right now ah, " she managed to gasp out "he should be gone for a ah ah couple of hours." Oh no, he isn''t. I started to casually walk away from the door and headed towards the windows by the side of the bed. If my memory serves me right he should be coming in 3, 2, 1 . . . . Amongst the loud groans of fornication, the sound of a soft click of a key being turned in a lock could barely be heard. The door to the room suddenly slams open as eight guys with muskets rush into the room. "I FUCKING KNEW IT, HELEN!" the man leading the small mob yells as he points at the two entangled bodies. "Gregory!?" Helen gasped in surprise. "Ah, shit." Ryder said disappointedly. The intimate couple on the bed immediately separates from one another. Helen quickly scrambles to grab the sheets on the bed to hide her exposed body while Ryder rolls off the side of the bed, grabbing a pillow to cover his crotch as he presses his back against the window. Both are breathing heavy and covered in sweat, the stench of sex is heavy in the air. The somewhat heavyset bald man with glasses who I knew was Gregory the innkeeper walked further into the room. His face had the look of unbelievable fury written on it. "I told you, Helen, that each time I catch you with another guy there was gonna be hell to pay, for you and him." Gregory said through clenched teeth. "How many guys did you cheat on him with?" Ryder curiously asked. "I kinda lost count after thirty." Helen embarrassedly replied. "How was I compared to all those other fellas?" Ryder asked with a seductive smirk on his face as leaned in close to Helen on the bed. "Hehe, you''re definitely in the top three." Helen answered playfully as she also started to lean in closer to Ryder. "Oh, top three eh, I guess I got to try harder next time." "If you tried any harder I''m sure you would''ve taken all three spots, you little stud." "You and every woman, I''ve ever been with should know full well, I ain''t packing anything ''little'' down here." "Oh, I know that full well, you tore me open quite nicely that now no ordinary man would possibly be able to satisfy me again" Helen purred as she tapped his nose lightly with her finger "shame on you." Muscle veins started appearing all over Gregory''s smooth dome head as he stared bloodshot daggers at the two adulterers, who started flirting with each right in front of him. Ignoring the fact that they surrounded by eight armed men. The look on his face seemed like the anger he was trying to contain finally boiled over as he pointed his gun at the ceiling and pulled the trigger. BANG!!! "ENOUGH!!!" Gregory roared as bits of wooden splinters rained from the ceiling. Helen gave a short shriek as she quickly huddled over, covering her ears and Ryder stood back up at attention, his hands still holding the cushion covering his junk. "Helen, I want you back in our room right now or so help me, gods, I will grab you by your hair and drag you there myself!" threatened the innkeeper. "Fine." Helen whimpered as she gathered as much of the sheet around her as she could and slowly proceeded to walk out, not even stopping to pick her discarded clothes. The small mob parted ways for her so she could reach the doorway. The men in the mob couldn''t help but steal glances at the partially nude Helen as she walked past them, some of the more sicker ones seemed inhaled deeply of her sweet sweaty stench. As soon as she walked out the door the whole mob''s attention focused in on Ryder. The innkeeper let out a sigh as he massaged his brow "So Mr. Cullen, wheth-" "Please, theirs no need for such formalities, call me Ryder" Ryder interrupted cheerfully. "As I was saying, Mr. Cullen, whether or not you knew you were violating my wife yo-" "Whoa, whoa, whoa, me violating your wife?" a look of mock shock was on Ryder''s face "If anything she violated me, she just barged in here, yanked down my pants and started blowing me. Then she tried to shove one of her fingers up my a-" "SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE PRICK!" Gregory exploded but quickly calmed down as he took on a more threatening tone "This is going to end in only one of two ways, either you get filled with lead or you chop off your disease ridden di-" "Ryder!" "STOP INTERRUPTING ME!" The one who interrupted the innkeeper was Helen, who was standing back in the middle of the open doorway, still only wearing the bed sheet. A look of anger and confusion was written on Gregory''s face "Helen, I thought I told to wai-" "Ryder, if you make it out of this in one piece, my body will be yours, whenever you want it." As she said those final words she waved her hands away letting the bed sheet fall to the floor, showcasing her nude body to every man in the room. It was safe to say that she had the undivided attention of the entire room. Every man in the mob ogled at her with wide eyes, trying to committing every part of her body to memory. "What are you doing?!" the fat innkeeper said with an expression of absolute panic as he rushed over towards his butt naked wife. He tossed his musket to one the men and quickly scooped the sheet off the ground. He then fisherman net casted the sheet over her head, completely covering her and then proceeded to push her out the door. "Out, out, out, out!" He raged as he pushed her out into the hallway. Once she was out in the hallway, he stepped back into the room and slammed the door in her face and locked it. Suddenly the sound of pounding and muffled shouts from Helen could be heard from the other side of the door. "Don''t you dare hurt him, Greg!" "I love you, Ryder!" "Do hear me you fat bastard?!" "I swear to the gods that if hurt one hair on his head, I''ll fuck every asshole in this town!" "Don''t worry, Ryder, he''s only angry because he has a small co-" "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!" Gregory suddenly roared as he started pounding the door with both hands, trying to drown the slurs of his smitten wife. When the sounds on the other side, died down he stopped his excessive pounding and press his forehead against the door and started panting loudly. The eyes of mob looked at each other unsure of what to do. "Enough of this shit already, let''s just shoot this fucker and hang his corpse outside as a warn-" the innkeeper started to say as he and the rest of the mob turned around, only to find that the person of interests was no longer there anymore and that the windows that were once closed, were now wide open. The sounds of somebody running on ceramic roof tiles could be heard outside. "What?!" The innkeeper exclaimed, "This is the third floor!" He rushed over towards the windows and stuck his head out. "GET BACK HERE, YOU BASTARD!!" "Tell your wife, I''ll see her later!" the fleeing nude, Ryder replied as leaped onto the roof of the next building. "AFTER HIM!!" Gregory yelled as he and the mob raced out the room. Shortly after that the sounds yelling and gunfire could be heard off in the distance and then suddenly it became quiet. Thinking I''ve gone deaf for a moment, I started picking in my ear seeing if I possibly had some astral earwax blockage or something. Proving fruitless, it was then that I notice the room I was previously standing no longer existed as again I found myself in the white void. Huh, that was a quick transition. Man, that was a long night. That fat bastard had almost fifty guys chasing my nude ass all around town. When the sun rose the next day I think like three buildings got destroyed and over two dozen guys got killed. It all kinda worked out, in the end, turns out the innkeeper was using his inn as a stolen goods stash hideout for local bandits in the area. So, Gregory got arrested by the local guards, I was labeled as the ''The Nude Vigilante of Dobres'' for ending a large bandit operation, and I somehow managed to get one more tumble with Helen before I had to meet up Regis at the edge of town. Good times. Suddenly brightly colored streams of light suddenly caught my eye. Oh, so what are you going to show me next?