《Adventure? Slime? Slimeventure? Yeah, something like that.》 Is this the prologue? Is this just fantasy? (Yes, yes it is) So¡­ how are you? Good? That''s great, but I''m not. Why, you ask? Well it''s quite elementary, my dear Watson¡­ My tiny body is about to go splat under a tree, while a human head-sized dragonfly is gonna have me for dinner afterwards! WHY MEEEEEEEE! Sob sob. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (The rest of the scene has been cut short for the reader''s convenience.) Sniffle sniff.This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. And there''s also the mental abuse! The very essence that keeps the world running insistently calls me an idiot! Why why why why why, WHY MEEEEEEEEEE! (This ¡°tragic¡± scene has been cut short for the reader''s convenience.) I mean, I used to be a man. I liked that. But now¡­ but now¡­ I''m just an amorphous blob of gooooooooo! Alright, deep breaths, in, * inhales sharply *, out, * sighs gruffly *. Okay, I think we''re all good now, right? Right. Hows about I tell you how I got in this predicament in the first place? Well, here goes. I was walking out of my apartment building, I had my work uniform on as usual, though I wasn''t particularly proud of my line of work, paper-pushing or moving boxes, as expected of a secretary''s secretary. Even I didn''t know that position existed, until I was put in it. I seriously don''t know how I got such a bad gig, but at least it was work, and got my parents off my back. Which they most definitely were, but I supposed that I reaped what I had sown in that department, considering how long I had leeched off them for. Either way, I was headed for the subway entrance when I heard an incessant ringing from behind me, along with copius amounts of shouting, but I ignored it since it shouldn''t have anything to do with me, which in hindsight was a bad decision, and got hit by the bicycle-riding man who was aiming at entering the subway on a bicycle at full speed. I meanwho the hell- scratch that,WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!? I mean I know I wasn''t paying attention, but why was that something I even had to worry about in the first place,IT JUST DOESN''T HAPPEN! After that, though, I started tumbling down the subway''s stair case. *SLAM* OW *THUNK* SHIT *DONG* BITCH *CRUNCH* Oh, was that bad sound? I think itFUCKING WAS!! And to put the proverbial ''cherry-on-top'', somehow, someway, someone''s baby managed toSHIT right where my face landed, and pissed on the back of my most-likely broken skull.I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? AND NOW THERE''S GONNA BE SOME WHITE ROOM WITH-A-GOD BULLSHIT, AM I RIGHT!? Oh shit, IAM right aren''t I? Well this suuuuuuuuuuuucks. I''m never to good with those uppity types, but I''ll give it a shot. I guess. Yep. Kay. Shit. Hi. I''m back. Back to the story? Yeah, that''s probably good. As I was saying, I''m not good with uppity types, or, as my previous boss liked to call me: ¡°Utterly fuckingincompetent towards my superiors and obvious betters.¡± I mean, who says that? What kind of narcissistic bastard is he? This is why I was not proud of my work. I have no problems, morally or otherwise, with manual labor, but I do with utter assholes like my boss. He wasn''t even a big-shot, he was just a secretary, not even to the biggest dude in the company. And so, I SINCERELY hope, that God is not a narcissist. ''Cause, you know, that would be a big problem for a Christian, as you may imagine. Fortunately, or maybe not, I don''t have much of an imagination when it comes to things other than myself and my immediate situation. Though, this was my current situation, and I hadn''t had time to think about after being hit by a hobo''s bicycle to death. How did a hobo even get a bicycle? Nevermind, he probably stole it. I hope he gets raped and dies in jail for killing me. Time to face reality now? Yep, a definite, resounding, yep. ¡°Hi God, can I call you that?¡± (Unnamed MC dude) [I totally didn''t forget to name him. *averts eyes*]The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Yep that works.¡± (God) ¡°Kay, that''s cool. Two questions though. One, where might we be? Two, what''s gonna happen to me after this talk is done.¡± (You know who) ¡°Short answers, one, Heaven, two, reincarnation, I assume you know how that whole shtick works, considering the numerous amounts of Japanese light novels, manga, and anime you have watched. (Godly fellow) ¡°Yep¡± (This conversation shouldn''t be THAT hard to follow, come on) ¡°Still, you''re surprisingly calm, and may I assume, that you wouldn''t be to deterred to the idea of other gods? ''Cause short answer, yep, they''re there.¡± (God number ???) ¡°I didn''t know what to expect so, honestly, I was expecting an old, crinkly, long bearded prick. Not the understanding, casual, young man you are, God. Also, may I add, that you are extremely fucking adorable?¡± [It''s not like I have anything better to do than write these name tags, b-baka!] ¡°You may, and thank you for the compliment, people usually find more comfort knowing they saw the most adorable thing alive (?) before they get reincarnated. Albeit slightly unrelated to our conversation thus far, I expected at least your thoughts to be jumbled up when meeting a god, but your mind is quite serene.¡± [I think in one-on-one conversations imma just not do name tags] ¡°You said something like that previously, but honestly, I''m a bit mental.¡± And not in a good way. ¡°So, since you know what''s gonna happen either way, you wanna be reincarnated on Earth, or somewhere else?¡± ¡°Not Earth please! Earth is SHIT! No offense, but it sucks pretty hard.¡± ¡°None taken, I didn''t even create this backwater, shit-hole of a planet.¡± ¡°Kay then.¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Look, God, could you just get on with it? I know this is wasting both of our time.¡± ¡°You know what, I''ll do that. As an extra, just ''cause you''re an interesting guy, I''ll give you some sweet powers, but-¡± ¡°I KNEW there would be a ''but''.¡± ¡°*sigh* Look, I''m not omnipotent okay? All I was gonna say was that I can''t guarantee that the gods of the new world I''m sending you to will like you as much as I do. Therefore, you might get some handicaps or something. No cancer, blindness, or such, I''ll make sure of it, but I can''t say for sure that you won''t be a slime or something [* creepy obvious foreshadowing giggle*].¡± ¡°Oh, that''s cool with me. Being a monster would probably be crazy fun. I mean, nobody can blame me for being nuts if I was a monster, am I right? ¡°True that. I''m just gonna send you off okay? You''ll get a mini guide-book of sorts when you start. Also, fair-warning, One of the more important goddesses is an incorrigible ass, and a snob.¡± I should have known. Isn''t gods being asses practically a template in and of itself? ¡°*sigh* Bye God, see ya I guess.¡± ¡°Bye, though you won''t see me, I''ll try to stick up for you, okay?¡± ¡°Kay.¡± As soon as I said that I blacked out, feeling a tugging sensation pulling me downwards. I soon feel my new body is connected with my soul. Except for one thing. A tiny hitch in my plan to live my life as a new person. Okay, there were a few. First off, WHY DO I STILL HAVE MY MEMORIES!? Fodder? Really? I mean come o- MRRG! stuff. I just kinda wanna tried the whole reincarnation thing the normal way, but I suppose there is no normal for that kind of topic. My, my, was that me? * Blushes furiously * Hahaha, let''s do something else, OOH, shiny! Tutorial? Okay, let''s see. With a thought from me, the message popped up. SCREEEEEEEEEW THAT! NO, NO TUTORIALS! I GOT THIS! FUCK OFF! Dear lord I hate long tutorials! I got this. Status. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Perk: . MRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT-BALLS!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! NOW!] If tongue testing batteries was a taste options? Set standard units to feet? This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. DEAR LORD THAT TASTES DISGUSTING!!! Status. A notice Long version: my computer shat itself, so I dont have my usual writing tools available. I''ll probably write an interlude or something to tide yourselves over with till its back. If its not back soon, you''ll have to get a chapter of lower grammer quality (maybe). Thanks for reading anyways!Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. P.S. I don''t have any chapters written ahead because I''m that much of a noob. P.P.S. Poll cuz I felt like it, could add to comedy could not, * shrugs *, you''re the judge, jury, and execu- wait. No, sorry, you guys don''t get to kill people okay, that''s bad okay? Drugs are bad, mmkay? notice 2.0 Long version: I''m a whimsical asshole. I''m starting a different story to stop myself from being burnt-out with this one. (I''m seriously sorry that I haven''t updated in a while, I know I''d be pissed if I was in your situation.)A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. If my new story gets approved, there''s a supplemental explanation in the synopsis, if not, expect "notice 3.0". It''s sci-fi with mechs, check it out. It''s also some of that nice VR bullshit if you''re interested. Expect an interlude or something soon-ish