《Black Magic Hero》


 Chapter 1: Summoning

    It was an ordinary Sunday morning. Well, at least, it would have been were it not for me waking up at five in the morning on a weekend. An over-active mind is my curse. As soon as I wake up my mind starts running at a full sprint and I just can¡¯t go back to sleep. Sadly, it looked like I had to start my day early. Since it was Sunday, it was my day to not put on any clothes and just laze about the apartment. Just as God intended the day when he invented it. I walked downstairs in my modest abode and admired myself in the magnetic mirror attached to my refrigerator. My shoulder length black hair was screaming at me for a haircut.


    ¡°Not on a Sunday.¡± I spoke as I stared into the reflection of my own vacant green eyes. I prepared a breakfast of Cheerios after finding a bowl within the cluttered cabinets. As I sat at my kitchen table and began to devour my bowl of cholesterol killing circles, my day was once more rudely interrupted. This time, by a massive explosion of light all around me.


    I screamed. I cried out in horror. But with a mouth full of cereal and a sleep deprived mind, all I could manage was a ¡°Gnragraaaaaaaaaaghsh!¡± followed by choking and spitting. As food and milk spewed from my mouth, I flailed around like the time my brother once tried acid while our parents were on vacation. I still regretted deleting the video. But when you¡¯re held down and feel your arm about to reach the breaking point, you tend to make some healthy decisions in life.


    The light existed for only what seemed to be a few seconds. But even after it had subsided my vision was still obscured by those splotches of light you see after staring at something bright for too long. I rubbed my eyes vigorously and took hold of my surroundings. There I was, sitting in the middle of a massive stone room. Rich red carpeting covered the majority of the floor. White curtains hung neatly beside paned glass windows that adorned the walls. Firmly planted beneath my buttocks was my chair and my bowl of cereal was planted atop my underwear-covered crotch. Standing at the sides of the room were people. Staring. Whispering. I placed my head in my hands and began to groan.


    ¡°Everyone says these dreams stop after you get out of school. They never stop¡­¡±


    A loud cough sounded above the murmuring in the ocean of people which drew my attention from my misery. I looked up from my seat and saw three people who sat in chairs of their own. Fancy lacquered wooden chairs with golden accents. I felt under-seated upon my poor wooden chair now. A man in armor clanked towards one of the windows and pulled down a curtain before he approached me. I set the bowl that sat upon my crotch down on the ground and stood. He then helped me cover myself.


    ¡°Thanks dude.¡± The man nodded and returned to his original position in front of the rightmost crowd. Now that I donned something that resembled a toga, the murmurs died down.


    ¡°Welcome, O Hero, to our kingdom!¡± The elderly-looking man who coughed earlier greeted. His well tailored red and golden robes shifted with his movements as he stood from his throne and spoke with great grandiosity. A crown adorned his head full of long silvery-gray hair with slightly faded blue eyes that regarded me respectfully. ¡°I am King Lebbik Halwyn the Third! Ruler of the Halwyn Kingdom! Behind me is my wife, Queen Lisette Halwyn and our daughter, Kaithlyn Halwyn.¡± Unlike the king, the two women had long golden hair and striking blue eyes. The Queen was more appealing to the eyes however, as she was quite the buxom babe. The daughter, well, lacked.


    As I analyzed my situation, I found it all to be fairly obvious. Somehow I had been transported to a Renaissance Faire. If I had to guess, one of my friends had snuck into my apartment while I slept and drugged my milk with some form of quick-acting acid to disable me. Then they would have stuffed me into their car and driven me to the Faire. Once there, they would have had everything set up perfectly, cereal bowl, chair and all. I¡¯m sure my friends were hiding among the crowd, probably laughing their asses off. Well, I was here, I¡¯d have to do my best to play along or else these people would get really upset at me.


    You never wanted to upset people who liked to role play, I learned that lesson far too late in drama club.


    ¡°King Lebbik!¡± I cried out from where I stood and knelt, ¡°Forsooth thou hast called upon mine rightful heritage! For I am Harold Lisbe! Gentleman, scholar, and refined man of standing! What need have of me m¡¯lord?¡± I swear I¡¯ve only played a few games of D&D in my life and those nights were going to help me greatly here. I just hoped I could get some real clothes soon. Not that I minded being wrapped in velvet, but the two seated women on their thrones were staring.


    The King a little unsure as he looked off to the side. Directly at a man who wore pure white robes. The man nodded and the King returned his attention to me. ¡°We have summoned you, mighty Hero, in preparation of the coming darkness!¡± He exclaimed in a booming voice. ¡°The signs have been clear. A demon Lord is rising once more, as had once happened before, in ages long past. Stories tell of nearly all life being put to the sword by this heinous devil. Only through the grace of the Goddess of Light did any survive the apocalypse.¡±This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    ¡°Oh King Lebbik, thou hast summoned me in dire need it seems! I shall deign to help you, no matter the trial! But I have no arms, no armor! Can one such as I dare hope to stand against such horrid beasts so ill-equipped?¡± I had no plans on sticking around the Faire for too long. But if I could get some free stuff to pawn later, that¡¯d be great. I¡¯d definitely need some money if I wanted to get home after all.


    ¡°We shall equip you with the finest equipment our smiths can forge!¡± The King boasted with joy, ¡°Ask, and we shall provide! And should you prove successful in driving back this coming threat¡­¡± The King paused and looked to the Queen who nodded, ¡°Our daughter¡¯s hand in marriage will be yours to claim.¡±


    Gasps filled the room. These people were good actors, it was really like none of them expected such a cliche turn of events! If this is what the Renaissance Faire was always like, I may have to come more often. I loved cliches.


    ¡°Truly, you honor me so my Liege! All the treasure in the world pales in comparison to the beauty that is your daughter!¡± I looked at the girl in question and gave my best smile. Her face reddened with embarrassment, she must have been new to this whole acting thing. Or perhaps she was really good at pretending to be embarrassed? Either way, the King and Queen swelled with pride.


    Yet again, another loud cough interrupted the events as the man in white robes presented himself before the King. I noticed that his robes weren¡¯t just white, they also had golden trimmings along the sleeves. They fitted the man well, he must have spent months working on that outfit. His head was completely void of any hair at all, though I guess that was only natural. He looked to be up there in years. He fit the stereotypical priest role really well. Perhaps he was a real priest when he wasn¡¯t role-playing at this place. Wait, was it really role-playing if you were what you were pretending to be?


    ¡°This is all well and good your Majesty, but first we must ascertain the Hero¡¯s purity.¡± He spoke in a snidely manner. Wow, now that was good voice acting, I was impressed! I actually wanted to punch the man in the face merely at the sound of his voice! He totally gave off the aura that screamed ¡®I¡¯m evil, I¡¯m scheming. Nyahahaha!¡¯ I mean, he laid it on a bit heavily, but still. Bravo.


    ¡°Very well, do as you must.¡± The King readily agreed and sat back upon his throne. The priest approached me and withdrew a small glass orb from within his robes. Where he got it, I don¡¯t know, but I could assume he had some sort of hidden pocket in there.


    ¡°Hold the orb, Hero.¡± The man sneered, ¡°Let all who stand here witness the purity of your soul.¡±


    Its a good thing this was all pretend, otherwise I would be royally fucked. With a shrug, I grabbed hold the orb. At first it was cool to the touch, but in an instant the orb filled with a black smoke-like substance.


    ¡°Whoa cool, how do you make it do stuff like that?¡± I broke character and whispered to the priest as I moved the orb about and looked for some sort of mechanism. Sadly, I found nothing. Even worse, the man playing the priest stood wordlessly and fearfully before me. The least he could do is remember his lines to say for this moment. Or at least tell me how to work this damn thing. He slowly backed away as he stammered in fear. Gasps and cries filled the room as people pointed and stared at me.


    ¡°Dark Magic! The Hero is in league with the Demons!¡± The priest gasped and ran away.


    ¡°Guards! Seize the false Hero and throw him in the dungeon!¡± The King roared from as throne as he stood pointing at me. Armor clanked as two men approached me from the sides. Thinking quickly, I threw the orb into the air. It looked quite fragile and valuable, something you wouldn¡¯t want shattering into a million pieces upon the stone floor. It would serve as a great distraction as I made my escape. Besides, the hardest, and best part about role-playing was always ad-libbing. If I just followed the script and got captured, it would be a boring sequence of events.


    No, it was time to make a daring escape.


    The two men that had approached me looked up at the orb sailing through the air with worried looks upon their faces. While they were distracted, I bolted for the door, my red toga unfurling from my body. I felt as free as a streaker, only to be tackled not five feet from where I began by a guard in leather armor. The man attempted to grapple me into submission. Unfortunately for him, my friends participated in wrestling in High School and would practice their grapples and holds on me. But they also taught me how to break out and reverse the hold.


    One moment, the man had me pinned. The next I held him in an arm lock as he cried out in pain.


    ¡°Dude, stop being a wuss.¡± I whispered in his ear. ¡°My friends did far worse to me back when I was younger.¡± Before I could get up and resume my escape however, I found myself being pulled back from atop the man. Cold metal shackles snapped tight around my wrists and I was dragged towards the very doors I was escaping to. In a last ditch effort to make a lasting memory I cried out.


    ¡°Kaithlyn my love, avenge me!¡±


    Sadly, there was no avenging. She just stared at me with a shocked expression. Like any good actor, I proceeded to give my captors a hard time. Which earned me a rather painful punch to the back of my head.


    ¡°What the fuck man?¡± I cried out angrily, ¡°You can¡¯t just fucking hit people like that! That¡¯s bullshit, when I get outta these cuffs I¡¯m going to clock you so fucking-¡± Sadly, I couldn¡¯t go on as I was punched once again and lost consciousness.

 Chapter 2: Prison Dreams

    Cotton candy. Thats how my head felt in my current predicament. My mind was light and fluffy like a cloud. But at the same time, streaks of ragged pain ripped through my cranium like lightning bolts. I¡¯m no doctor, but even I knew I had some sort of concussion going on. I rubbed the back of my head where that bastard ass overzealous role-player had hit me twice. I was going to kick the shit out of that dude something fierce. My father had always taught me to be a man who lives by the golden rule. Don¡¯t start none, won¡¯t be none. First though, I had to figure out exactly where I was.


    All around me was this thick gray fog to the point where I could barely see ten feet in front of me. It was very unnerving as I¡¯ve seen Dawn of the Dead, I just knew that there were zombies hiding in that shit. I kept low to the stone ground, still only in my underwear, and crept forward. My ears on complete focus-mode, ready for even the hint of sound. It wasn¡¯t long until I heard faint talking from where I had just come. As silent as a cat stalking it¡¯s prey, I followed the voices which led back the way I had come from. Zombies didn¡¯t talk, so I¡¯m pretty sure I was safe. When I was close to where I had found myself in this strange place, I heard the voices clearly.


    ¡°Where could he be, sister?¡± One voice questioned fearfully. ¡°He should have been here! At this very spot!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know!¡± The other voice was frantic. ¡°We came as fast as we could!¡±


    ¡°He can¡¯t be far, dear sister. We must search and find him before its too late!¡±


    ¡°Looking for me?¡± I asked as I walked out before them. It always paid to make a memorable, dramatic entrance. Especially when there were women involved. Gotta make that good first impression so you stay in their mind. Thats how you get their number.


    ¡°Ah!¡± cried out the first sister as she jumped back fearfully.


    ¡°Ah!¡± exclaimed the second sister as she took a quick step backwards.


    ¡°Ah!¡± I mimicked the two in an exaggerated fashion. Though, clearly in a mocking fashion.


    ¡°Ahem.¡± The first woman cleared her throat as she regained her composure, but failed to completely do so as she stared at me. ¡°W-why have you no clothes, hero?¡± She asked in an discouraged voice. I placed my fists upon my hips and stood proudly in my almost white briefs. They were only slightly stained from the cereal earlier, I swear.


    ¡°I never get dressed on a Sunday. If God can rest on the seventh day, then so can I!¡± Both of the women looked at one another questioningly. If I had to guess their ages, they both looked to be in their early twenties. The one on the left wore a white toga, golden sandals, a large assortment of jewelry from bracelets and rings to earrings and a tiara which she wore atop her head of long golden hair. The other wore the same, except her toga was black. Her sandals, tiara, and jewelry however, were all silver. Most striking though, was her hair was short, white and looked like she hadn¡¯t combed it in weeks. Both were extremely good looking, though I felt bad for the one with white hair. I had a friend whose hair went gray in his late twenties and he was always miserable about it. I could only imagine how a girl would stress about her hair turning white.


    Still, she had that tomboy look going on, and that was always a plus in my book.


    ¡°Who is¡­¡± The girl with white hair tapered off as she shook her head. ¡°It matters not. I am Sahrai, Goddess of Darkness.¡± She bowed her head lightly to me.


    ¡°And I am Fes, Goddess of Light.¡± The golden-haired girl curtsied.


    ¡°Sup, I¡¯m Harold, nice to meet you two.¡± I waved. My brain must have locked in the old king¡¯s story about demons and goddesses. Thats why these two were in my dream, as dreams are a reflection of reality.


    ¡°You seem rather¡­relaxed for being in the presence of two Goddesses.¡± Sahrai spoke in slight surprise. I shrugged,


    ¡°Well, for one, this is obviously a dream. Secondly, there is no such thing as Gods or Goddesses. Though you both look great, totally dig the roman look you¡¯ve got going on.¡± The two looked at one other in obvious confusion. ¡°So since you two are figments of my subconscious, theres no point in asking how, what, when, where, or why. So if you would kindly please keep your voices down, my head feels like its splitting open. I¡¯m pretty sure I have a concussion and I¡¯d rather not stay at this loony Faire for longer than I have. So as soon as we¡¯re done here, I¡¯m out.¡±


    ¡°Ah yes, allow me.¡± Fes smiled and grabbed my head. With a look of concentration, her hands began to glow a golden color.


    Since this was only a dream, I kept my eyes on the prize as two majestic globes stood directly before me as Fes was leaning forward while grasping my head. In a moment, the pain in my cranium faded and I felt a lot better. Such is the power of staring at a woman¡¯s chest. Breasts cure all wounds. Its a scientific fact.


    ¡°Thanks Fes.¡± I smiled and gave a thumbs-up to the golden beauty who returned my smile.


    ¡°It is no trouble Hero. My sister and I shall do what we can to aid you in your quest.¡±


    ¡°Please, the both of you can call me Harold.¡±


    ¡°As you wish, Harold.¡± The two women spoke in unison.


    ¡°Alright, well before you two give me your life stories, lemme see if I can guess some things about you two.¡± They both smirked, clearly amused at my suggestion. ¡°First off, Fes. So can I safely assume that by simply being the Goddess of Light, people hold you as a champion of the just and do stuff in your name simply because they see it as the right thing to do?¡± She nodded. So far so cliche.


    ¡°On the other hand, as the Goddess of Darkness, Sahrai should be considered evil incarnate and the people hate her because she is the source of all things wrong in the world, or so they say.¡± My words seemed to make her depressed but she didn¡¯t deny them. ¡°Eh, don¡¯t be so glum Sahrai.¡± It was time to lay on some charm. ¡°Out of the two of you, you¡¯re the best looking.¡± I winked. Other than a faint reddening of her cheeks, she showed no reaction. What a shame. Wait, since these two were merely parts of my subconscious, could it be considered masturbation if I flirted with them? Am I a hedonist and I¡¯ve only now realized?


    Fes looked a little uncomfortable, ¡°You seem to be rather well informed for someone who was just summoned to another world.¡±


    ¡°Well I¡¯ve played a game or two of D&D so I¡¯m not a total stra-wait what?¡±


    ¡°You¡­do remember being summoned correct?¡±Stolen story; please report.


    ¡°Well, it all started with this bright flash of light¡­¡± Suddenly the asshole that punched me made a lot more sense. In America people would be too afraid to do such a thing at a public event out of fear of being sued. I sighed, ¡°I just thought my friends broke into my house, drugged my milk, and brought me to a Renaissance Faire as a big joke while I was tripping out. I mean, magic doesn¡¯t exist. I know, I¡¯ve tried for years.¡± Both of the Goddesses smirked and summoned up a myriad of orbs that floated around. Orbs of flame, darkness, frost, electricity, light, etcetera.


    ¡°Even if magic is real, this is a dream. Even I can do that. Watch.¡±


    A few moments of me attempting to summon any sort of magical power ended in failure. I would have gone on for longer but was stopped by Sahrai.


    ¡°We haven¡¯t much time. You shall awaken soon. And yes, while this is a dream, we are very much real.¡±


    ¡°Alright, so whats the scoop?¡± Once more they looked at me in confusion. I sighed, ¡°Whats so urgent that you need to tell me?¡±


    ¡°It has to do with your magical talent.¡± Fes explained. ¡°When a Hero is summoned from another world, I am the one who Blesses them with power beyond that of a normal mortal. But this time-¡±


    ¡°But this time we both gave you our blessings.¡± Sahrai interrupted and spoke quickly. ¡°With my blessing you will be able to use Dark magic. Dark magic is¡­¡± she kept speaking and gesturing but her voice began to fade and sound like my ears were underwater before all sound ended completely. I felt myself being pulled from the company of the two beauties. They both gestured frantically towards me, but all I could do was wave as they faded in a flash of light.


    ¡°Wakey wakey princess.¡± A raspy voice spoke loud in my ears as I felt a fist collide into my stomach.


    I gasped for air and tried to grasp my chest, only to find my arms locked firmly above my head. I looked up in-between pained gasps for air. I was currently chained to a cold stone wall, medieval style.


    ¡°Asshole.¡± I spat out, ¡°I was having a good dream!¡±


    My eyes darted around the room, taking in my surroundings. No doubt about it, this was your typical castle dungeon complete with terrible lighting from a single lantern hanging from the ceiling for maximum light coverage while still getting that age-old horror film look. Iron chains ending in shackles were attached to the walls. Other than myself, three others were chained to the wall. Must have been a slow day in the justice department. Other than curious glances, they made no motion to speak. Torture devices were placed haphazardly around the room. An open iron maiden was in the corner. The rusty spikes clearly visible even from where I was. One of them stretchy tables they tie you up to and make you taller by force was directly in the center. A few racks lined the walls alongside containers filled with sharp metal objects. Honestly, I wasn¡¯t impressed. The only person in the room who walked about freely was this ugly man in raggedy brown clothing whose teeth made me think of a rat.


    ¡°So sorry princess, I¡¯ll be sure to send you right back to dream land!¡± He bowed mockingly, ¡°After I¡¯ve had a bit of fun that is.¡± He turned his back on me and rummaged around upon the table in the center of the room. Utensils both sharp and blunt lined the surface of said table, and many look recently used. Out of reflex, I looked down to my sides and breathed a sigh of relief. They hadn¡¯t taken my kidneys. But they had taken my underwear, and I didn¡¯t like the feeling of free-balling in a dungeon.


    The torturer held a knife up towards the lantern hanging from the ceiling and squinted at it before shaking his head and putting it back down on the table.


    ¡°Blade too sharp¡­¡± He grumbled and ran his hands over his toolkit. I had to escape from this hellhole somehow. I pulled at the chains holding me, but they held strong.


    ¡°No such thing, rat-face!¡± One of my comrads in chains mocked. Glad to see I wasn¡¯t the only one who thought the torturer looked rather ratty.


    ¡°Silence! I am an artist!¡± The torturer grinned wildly at me as I pulled at my chains. ¡°Don¡¯t even think about escaping. Those chains are hard, cold steel. You need to be a demon yourself to break through them!¡± The man spoke as he tapped a hammer in his hand before setting it back down on the table and grasping something that looked like a fork. ¡°If you¡¯re lucky you¡¯ll be out of those chains soon enough! Hehe¡­unfortunately for you, I¡¯m good at my job.¡± He chuckled and coughed. ¡°Now where did I put that¡­¡± the torturer murmured as he looked beneath the table for something.


    I tried to calm my mind, but the thought of being torn apart by dull knives isn¡¯t something I find particularly calming. I ran my mind thinking of something when it hit me. ¡°Magic!¡± I whispered. If what Sahrai said was true, I could use magic. But then, it was just a dream, so I doubted the validity of such a thing. I¡¯m a man of science after all. I mean, at one point in my life I believed in magic. But after spending nearly thirteen of my twenty two years trying to Kamehameha I gave up.


    ¡°Darkbolt.¡± I whispered, thinking of the dark orb Sahrai summoned. Nothing.


    ¡°Blackbolt.¡± Again, nothing. I was extremely nervous, the freak had retrieved what he wanted from under the table of torture and was walking towards me. A wooden spoon in his hands.


    ¡°Sahrai, Fes, if I get out of here, and you two are actually real, I¡¯m taking you both to a nice dinner some place fancy after all this. Shit, I¡¯ll make you dinner myself.¡± I promised.


    ¡°Decay¡­¡± A very faint voice whispered within my mind and I saw the image of metal rusting. Either I was going crazy, and this whole day has been nothing but crazy, or a certain two dream Goddesses were speaking to me.


    ¡°Decay.¡± I whispered and I felt a tingling surge through my hands. I looked up at my chains to see them corrode at their connections to the wall. Perfect.


    ¡°Are you ready for pain, princess?¡± The man snorted and chuckled as he approached me.


    ¡°Eat shit.¡± I responded, hocked up a loogie, and spat in his face. The dungeon roared with laughter as the man wiped frantically at his face. In a rage, the man growled and raised the wooden spoon. But at the same time I ripped my arms forward and tore the rusted chains from the wall. Surprise overtook the man before my right fist overtook his face. Cheers rang out in the dungeon as I felt his nose break beneath my right hook, and he collapsed in a heap, coughing.


    Ragged cheering filled the dungeon as my fellow convicts urged me on.


    The torturer weakly crawled along the floor. I looked at my fist in surprise, I had never laid someone flat in just a single punch before. I hadn¡¯t even been to the gym in months! As the torturer struggled to his feet, I ran behind him and put him in a sleeper hold. His struggles slowly ceased until he was forced into a peaceful slumber.


    I needed clothes, so I stripped the man of his and put them on. Except for his underwear of course. You couldn¡¯t pay me enough to wear another man¡¯s worn underwear. The clothes were a bit baggy, but the less they touched my skin the better. I didn¡¯t want to think about the stains. Next, I locked the man up in a set of iron chains linked to the stone wall that wasn¡¯t occupied. Unsure of when the man would wake up, I then grabbed some rope from the torture table, took off his underwear, ran the rope through a pair of holes, balled it up and gagged his mouth with his own underwear. I then secured the gag by tying the rope at the back of his head. I then check to see if he had a hard time breathing, but he seemed fine even with the broken nose.


    Now it was time to make my escape.


    ¡°Hey, what about us?¡± One of my fellow prisoners asked. On one hand, I wanted to get out of here and talk to my lawyer asap. But on the other, theres strength in numbers.

 Chapter 3: Breaking Free

    Other than myself and the torturer, there were three other people in the dungeon. In the first cell was a pale skinned man who had scars all across his body. He had long black hair and an equally long beard with sunken blue eyes. He smiled weakly as I decayed his chains, busted him free and helped him to his feet. The man attempted to walk on his own, but only succeeded in falling to the floor. The man was weak and skinny, like he hadn¡¯t eaten in months.


    ¡°Dude, when we bust out of here we¡¯re getting you a steak.¡± I slapped him lightly on the shoulder and picked him up from the floor ¡°You¡¯re looking a bit thin buddy.¡±


    ¡°That and breaking me out of the Castle¡¯s dungeon? I¡¯ll owe you quite the debt, friend.¡± His chuckle sounded sandpaper rubbing together. Dude needed a drink of water stat.


    ¡°Jesus man, how long you been in here? You look and sound like shit. This King dude is totally violating some prisoner rights laws, you should sue.¡± I helped him lean against the wall near the exit. Before the man could answer, another prisoner called out to me.


    ¡°Ole Ribs¡¯ been in here the past years, new blood! Caught sellin¡¯ supplies to the Artone Imperium!¡± Ribs smiled weakly,


    ¡°Yep. Traitor to King and Country.¡± I shrugged in response to him.


    ¡°I won¡¯t judge, I¡¯m new here.¡± With Ribs secured, I moved back for the next prisoner.


    Next up was a large dark-skinned man covered from his bald head to his toes with a canvas of golden colored tattoos. He watched me with sharp brown eyes as I broke his chains in the usual way.


    ¡°Black magic.¡± He spoke in a deep voice. I recognized him as the one who initially dubbed me ¡®new blood¡¯.


    ¡°Seems so. Got something against black magic?¡± He merely grinned and walked to the torture table. He considered the items arrayed before him for a few moments before picking up a knife and moving to keep watch at the door that led out of this hellhole.


    The last prisoner was short, had wiry brown hair, and whose green eyes kept glancing back and forth wildly.


    ¡°Hey so you¡¯re gonna get us outta here yeah? Names Rambles, been here only a day. Picked the wrong guy¡¯s pocket ya see, was gonna cut off my hand but was some ceremony going on ya see. Couldn¡¯t be bothered they said ya see.¡± I broke his chains and he rubbed his wrists gratefully. ¡°Many thanks sir, many thanks indeed. Who are you and whats the plan?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m Harold, and-¡±


    ¡°Guard shifts just changed.¡± The dark skinned man whispered from the doorway as he peaked out.


    ¡°Whats that mean?¡± Rambles questioned.


    ¡°It means a new guard is standing watch nearby and there won¡¯t be another for a few hours.¡± I explained. The dark man raised an eyebrow at me. ¡°What? Don¡¯t tell me you guys have never watched James Bond movies.¡± Blank stares. ¡°Mission Impossible? C¡¯mon, you guys are killing me.¡± I sighed, ¡°Oh right, different world.¡±


    ¡°Stay back. Silent.¡± The dark man commanded. Nobody moved or spoke, even Rambles. With the knife in his hand, the man clinked it lightly on the stone and drew back. Ready to pounce.


    ¡°Hmm? What was that?¡± A new voice questioned. The clinking of metal on stone sounded closer and closer. In an instant, The dark skinned man sprung from behind the door. ¡°Wha-¡± was all the new voice could utter before the dark man dragged him into the dungeon with his mouth covered. The guard struggled as much as he could, but the dark man knocked him hard on the back of the head like had been done to me. The guard was out like a light.


    ¡°Man, from now on your name is Snake.¡± I laughed.


    ¡°Snake?¡± He looked at me with a questioning glance.


    ¡°Yeah, he was a man who was unequaled in the art of stealth.¡± Snake smiled,


    ¡°I like.¡± He then returned to looking out the door. ¡°Clear. Follow.¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t we going to take his clothes? Harold is the only one with anything on!¡± Rambles complained.


    ¡°No time.¡± Snake spoke. ¡°Come.¡± He then crept into the hall beyond.


    Rambles and Ribs looked to me, so I shrugged. ¡°Might as well.¡± I lent my shoulder to Ribs, and we followed after our guide.


    Out in the stone hallway was quite the unusual sight. Three naked dudes and myself in raggedy clothes sneaking about a well decorated hall full of golden displays, marble busts, velvet carpeting, beautiful paintings, and other such extravagant things. And we didn¡¯t take a damn thing. Well Snake did. He took a lantern, but I won¡¯t judge. But other than him, nope, first and foremost on our to-do list was survival. Snake led the way, stopping at every doorway to listen for sound, and peaking around every corner to make sure the coast was clear before waving us forward. We walked through the halls for nearly an hour. The sun was just beginning to rise before we made it into a small side room with nothing in it. Once we had closed the door behind us, Snake pressed on a loose stone and the wall slowly moved to the side.


    ¡°Well I¡¯ll be¡­¡± Ribs gasped in his sandpaper voice.


    ¡°How¡¯d ya know theres a passage here Snake?¡± Rambles questioned.


    ¡°Its obvious you dolt. The man¡¯s obviously a mason that worked on the castle back in the day.¡± I sarcastically stated.


    ¡°Really? That true Snake?¡± Rambles eyes widened in wonder.


    Snake laughed as we piled into the passage. He then pressed on another stone and we were enclosed in the secret passage.


    ¡°Not mason. Come.¡± We followed him until the passage split into two directions. Downward and upward. Snake pointed to the downward path, ¡°Exit is well guarded.¡± He moved to the upstairs path. We followed close behind. ¡°This leads to servant¡¯s room. There we take clothes and make escape.¡±


    The stairs took us up two floors which made Snake grumble as if something had happened he didn¡¯t like. But he kept on going, so we followed. Eventually the stairs tapered off and we followed the path a short distance until we hit a dead end. Snake fumbled around before finding the right stone to press and a doorway opened.


    ¡°Who are-¡± A girl cried out but Snake rushed forward into the room ahead of us. The three of us followed into the well lit room full of art, mirrors, dressers, and a lofty queen sized bed. And in the middle of the room stood naked Snake restraining Princess Kaithlyn wearing a revealing negligee with his hand over her mouth.


    ¡°Kaithlyn my love! Long time no see!¡± I laughed as I entered the room. She regarded me with surprise that quickly turned to fear. Tears dripped down her face as she clenched her eyes shut and struggled to free herself. Snake responded to her struggle by increasing his grip to the point where the Princess began sobbing. ¡°Snake, ease off the poor gal.¡±


    He regarded me for a moment and nodded, easing his grip upon the Princess. She gave me a thankful look and seemed to relax a bit. Kind of naive to do so in a hostage situation, but I guess she kind of trusted me a bit. We were almost engaged after all. And you¡¯re supposed to trust your spouse.


    ¡°Alright now lets gag and bind her so we can work on a plan to get the hell out of here.¡± I sat Ribs down upon the Princess¡¯ bed and went about rummaging through her stuff with Rambles¡¯ help. With his quick fingers, Rambles quickly found a bunch of clean handkerchiefs to use.


    I rolled one into a ball and tied them all together to make a firm gag. With Snake¡¯s help, we had little trouble binding up the Princess and tying her arms to the bed. I honestly thought Kaithlyn would have given us more trouble, but strangely things went smoothly. Though she kept her eyes glued to me the whole time.


    ¡°Good work.¡± Snake said as he patted my shoulder.


    ¡°Thanks. I knew a girl in High School that was into this sort of thing. Life tends to lead to strange experiences which lead to strange skills I¡¯ve found.¡±


    ¡°Quite true my friend.¡± Ribs said as he sniffed at a goblet that Rambles handed him. The man swiftly chugged the contents and sighed, ¡°Ah, its been too long since I¡¯ve had a drink¡­ Thanks Rambles.¡±


    ¡°No problem Ribs! So what do we do now?¡± Rambles asked. ¡°We can¡¯t just walk out of the Princess¡¯ chambers without any clothes on!¡±


    ¡°Is problem.¡± Snake rumbled.


    ¡°Not really.¡± I spoke as I looked through one of the Princess¡¯ dressers. Finely woven dresses filled one of the drawers in a few sizes. But before we needed those, my fellows needed some underwear.


    The Princess began to yell into her gag as I rummaged through her dresser drawer. I¡¯ll be the first to admit that I took no pleasure in this whole affair of stealing a woman¡¯s underwear while she was in the room. The joy of a panty raid is the rush of adrenaline you get from knowing you could be caught. With the woman in question in the room, it was like a snake with no fangs.Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    ¡°What ya doin¡¯ there Harold?¡± Rambles asked as he looked into the newest drawer I rummaged through. ¡°Do I want to know why you¡¯re looking through the lady¡¯s unmentionables?¡±


    ¡°Its simple really.¡± I said as I held up a pair of lacy underwear. ¡°Any good actor knows that to feel your role, you must become your role in all ways.¡± I tossed the underwear to Ribs. ¡°C¡¯mon boys, time to cover up your dangly bits.¡±


    ¡°I am not wearing women¡¯s underwear!¡± Rambles spoke in shock as he backed away.


    ¡°Oh yes you are. Desperate times call for desperate measures after all.¡±


    Thankfully, I only needed to put on a bra, as I already had my own underwear. But as my fellows struggled coming to terms with putting on the fairer sex¡¯s underwear, I chanced a glance at my bound almost-fiancee. Her face was flushed and she was watching us with interest. I couldn¡¯t blame her, its not everyday you see a bunch of dudes dressing up in drag. Though the faint purple haze near her chest was unusual. Perhaps she could use magic as well? I put the strange sight from my mind, we had more important things to worry about. It was time to find dresses that fitted us.


    Compared to the whole underwear dilemma, the dress problem passed quickly, as the Princess had many dresses in a few different sizes. Only Snake posed a problem in this category of our disguise. The man was a bit large for all the dresses that the Princess owned. But I had a solution. I apologized profusely to Kaithlyn as I tore the back of the closest-fitting dress as Rambles worked a needle and thread to fix it up enough for Snake to wear comfortably. I have to hand it to the man, he was very deft with those fingers of his. That thief must have been an ace tailor in a past life.


    After some time, and more than a few torn threads, our disguises were well on their way to completion. But we were missing a few things to complete the look. And as everyone knows, the devil is in the details. Breasts were only one detail that we were currently lacking, as the dresses hung a little loose at the chest. However, I had accounted for this, and the problem was easily fixed as I defaced more of the Princess¡¯ property by cutting open a pillow and filling our bras with the woolen stuffing inside. Sadly, we still had more to go. Namely, Ribs¡¯ beard.


    ¡°Anyone good at shaving with a knife?¡± I asked as we sat Ribs in front of a mirror.


    ¡°I will do this. Am good with knife.¡± Snake stated proudly. While Snake got to work on the beard problem, I focused on finding a bunch of makeup and a comb. I didn¡¯t have to search for long, and I even found a wig with long white hair for Snake!


    After his beard was shaved, Ribs had found a stash of shoes that we could wear. Once we each had a pair for ourselves I began to apply makeup to the group. I had plenty of experience painting faces for sports events, so I was pretty sure I could do makeup well enough. After I had finished with the group I began to work on myself. As I was dabbing the blush onto my cheeks I felt an ice cold shiver run down my spine. Goosebumps riddled my flesh as I felt the familiar sensation of absolute terror on my back. I turned around to find the source of this feeling. That was when I locked eyes with Kaithlyn. The Princess was breathing heavily into her gag and stared at me with a feral hunger in her eyes.


    ¡°Uh oh.¡± I stated as Ribs and Snake practiced giggling like a bunch of noble ladies would. Strangely, Rambles hadn¡¯t said a word or made a sound. Thinking back, he had become strangely pliable once he had worn the Princess¡¯ undergarments. It made no difference to me, we could easily pass him off as demure.


    ¡°What is it my friend?¡± Ribs questioned.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ve created a monster.¡± They paid me no mind and quickly returned to their practice. I myself returned to putting makeup on, but the whole while I could feel Kaithlyn¡¯s piercing gaze as she watched my every move. I had accidentally awakened a fire within her. A burning passion for male cross-dressing. At this moment, I was grateful that we weren¡¯t actually engaged. Such an obsession could only lead to a very awkward relationship.


    Once I had finished, it was time to make our escape. And fast. But first, I had some business to attend to.


    ¡°Kaithlyn.¡± I whispered as I knelt next to her bed. She regarded me with those hungry eyes of hers that made sweat drip from my brow. I had to get out of here fast. ¡°You¡¯re a nice girl and all, and I¡¯d totally be down with our engagement but your dad wants nothing to do with me so I¡¯m sorry that we never gave it the old college try.¡±


    Against my better judgment, I then loosened the binds holding her slightly. ¡°There, now you can get out of those binds pretty easily if you work at them a bit. I¡¯ve read too many¡­¡± I motioned with my hands, trying to grasp at how to accurately describe what I wanted to say. ¡°¡­books¡­where leaving a girl like this leads to some serious shit.¡± I took the knife Snake had taken and put it under the pillow beneath her head. ¡°This is if some ungentlemanly bastard tries to get at you with ill intentions. Remember, sharp end goes into the bad guy. Think of it as a parting gift. Bye!¡± I then rushed to the door where my posse of cross-dressing criminals awaited and together we strode into the hallway, giggling our hearts out.


    Of course, I made sure to lock and close the door behind me as we left. Just in case. But I couldn¡¯t shake the feeling that we were missing something.


    Maids and butlers rushed through the early morning halls as we daintily strutted our way past them. Snake led the way, but didn¡¯t giggle, as his voice was far too deep. As for Ribs, Rambles, and myself, I was the best at a high falsetto voice that could almost pass for a woman¡¯s. A few guards looked our way as we passed, but a giggle and a wink from one of us made them blush and stand taller with a grin on their faces.


    As we exited the castle however, a guard called out to us.


    ¡°Hey!¡± The broad shouldered man shouted as he approached us. ¡°Where are you ladies heading to without an escort?¡±


    ¡°Oh my, such a strong man!¡± Ribs gasped in a falsetto voice, which made the guard crack a smile that he tried his best to smother.


    ¡°Master guard, we¡¯re only going down the street to my friend¡¯s abode.¡± I explained. ¡°We¡¯re in no danger enough to warrant an escort for only walking a block!¡± I fluttered my eyelashes, ¡°But your concern is duly noted. I thank you.¡± I curtsied to the man.


    ¡°Uhhh¡­its uhh¡­fine¡­yes. Have a good day.¡± The man saluted as the rest of my group curtsied and we went on our way.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª


    ¡°Good looking girls.¡± The guard said to his fellow as he returned to his post.


    ¡°Yeah, I liked the dark-skinned one best. She looked amazing in that dress.¡± The other guard grinned as he watched the ladies backsides.


    ¡°I was more fond of the short one really.¡± The man pointed, ¡°A bit shy, she didn¡¯t say anything and looked rather uncomfortable. She musn¡¯t be good with strangers.¡±


    ¡°Shame about their arm hair though.¡±


    ¡°Agreed.¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª


    ¡°We made it.¡± I gasped as we turned into an alley a few minutes from the castle. We all decided to take a break and hang out in the shaded space for a few minutes to let the adrenaline flow out of our systems. Cross-dressing is one thing. Cross-dressing in public is another. Cross-dressing in public where any mistake in our cover could get us killed? Yeah, stressful.


    We glanced at one another as grins were plastered on our faces. It wasn¡¯t long until we were howling with laughter.


    ¡°You are mad!¡± Snake cried from laughing, ¡°Never have I done this thing! Others will never believe me!¡±


    ¡°Hey, first time for everything right?¡± I laughed as he smacked my shoulder as he guffawed.


    ¡°Am owing you big favor my friend. You want anything, you tell me!¡±


    ¡°Aye.¡± Ribs laughed as he clutched his namesake for laughing too hard. ¡°You¡¯re one mad bastard to get us out of there!¡±


    ¡°¡­I gotta say, women¡¯s underwear is quite comfortable¡­¡± Rambles mumbled which only led to more laughter from the group.


    ¡°See! And you thought I was crazy for suggesting such a thing! I fucking told you man, you gotta believe.¡±


    ¡°Its certainly a new experience.¡± Ribs chuckled. ¡°Come friends, I know an inn in the common district where we can lay low for awhile.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡± ¡°Sure.¡± ¡°Sounds good.¡± We all agreed and followed Ribs as he led the way deeper into the city that surrounded Castle Halwyn.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Deep within the bowls of Castle Halwyn, a monster was thrashing against the binds that held it. Ever since the Hero, Harold Lisbe, had made his escape Princess Kaithlyn Halwyn had begun to thrash against the handkerchiefs that held her tied to her own bed. ¡®Such audacity!¡¯ she trembled. ¡®Such disrespect!¡¯ Her heart pounded in her chest like a blacksmith¡¯s hammer. ¡®Such¡­adventure¡­¡¯ she groaned into her gag as she felt the binds loosen further and fall apart completely. She gasped as she pulled the gag from her mouth and sat up in her bed.


    She panted with excitement from her ordeal. Her mind filled with the events that had just occurred within her very room. At first, she had been afraid that the large dark-skinned man was about to kill her. But the Hero came to her aid! But¡­her father had said he was a False Hero¡­how could that be? There was no way that he was a False Hero, her father had to be wrong. That man¡­Harold Lisbe¡­thought only of her safety as he left her a means to escape her situation before he left. He had even gave her a weapon to protect herself with!


    Granted, before the Hero¡¯s group had broken into her room she had never felt the need for a weapon for self defense. Even the very thought of others knowing about the castle¡¯s hidden passages would have brought cold shivers down her spine. But right now she was shivering in excitement. Today she had witnessed something grand. The sight of the Hero as he wore one of her dresses and made himself look as feminine as possible was constantly at the forefront of her mind. Over and over she recollected every detail of every preparation he had made. Every dab of makeup, every brush stroke in his hair made her heart beat faster and faster. Her mouth salivated at the thought of seeing him like that again.


    ¡°Harold Lisbe¡­¡± She whispered the name of her now beloved as she licked her lips. ¡°I will find you.¡±

 Chapter 4: Bursons Brew Barn

    Together, the four of us meandered through the wealthy district which surrounded Castle Halwyn. At first, I could feel this cold presence at my back, but when I looked behind me I could only see the castle. I tried to pay it little mind, but the feeling never left. There weren¡¯t many people wandering the streets, as the buildings closest to the castle were obviously owned by rich folk. We did have a few meetings as we traveled however, one of which had some young nobles¡¯ hand getting a little touchy on my rear. How unfortunate for him that I wasn¡¯t having that and I turned down his advances. Forcefully. As he cradled his hand with an aghast look upon his face I told him in my most pleasant voice that if he ever touched me again, he¡¯d be shitting out teeth for the rest of his life.


    The man then excused himself and we parted ways amicably with the bunch of us laughing at the whole affair.


    But as we made our way into the more common district the people kept their eyes on us at all times, but generally avoided us. Not because we weren¡¯t pretty enough, cause I know we were rockin these dresses. No, if I had to guess, I believe it was because most of them were shy, or just didn¡¯t want to be involved with noble women. Honestly, I couldn¡¯t even begin to count the curious glances that looked our way for merely a second before they pretended to be interested in something else. At one point group of rough-looking young men approached us with clear intentions, but backed off when Snake and I began cracking our knuckles as we moved towards them. Its common sense that you don¡¯t fuck with a group of drag-queens. Not that we were drag-queens or anything, as this was only a one time thing.


    Though watching Rambles touch his dress reverently as we walked, I doubted it¡¯d be his last time. Not me though, dresses aren¡¯t my style. I¡¯m a t-shirt and jeans man through and through.


    ¡°Here it is.¡± Ribs spoke as he stopped before a large wooden establishment with a sign hanging from the front, carved in the shape of a mug. ¡°Burson¡¯s Brew Barn.¡±


    ¡°I like the name.¡± I stated as we walked in the front door. An expansive sitting room greeted us, complete with a bar, stools, and a bunch of tables and scattered chairs. Only a small amount of people were seated within. None paid us any mind as we entered.


    ¡°Thanks, I helped him think up the name for it.¡± Ribs beamed with pride.


    ¡°Hey I know this place.¡± Rambles started as his eyes darted about. ¡°Good place, comfortable beds, shit ale though. Guess ya can¡¯t have everything good.¡±


    ¡°Hey Burson!¡± Ribs called out, causing the few patrons inside to look towards us, clearly confused that the clothes didn¡¯t match the voice.


    ¡°Rickston?¡± Gasped a portly man behind the bar counter. His short hair flopping about as he rushed over to us as we approached the bar. ¡°Goddess, what in the hells happened to you in that dungeon? Yer practically a woman!¡±


    ¡°Its a long story Burson. One I¡¯d be happy to tell over a round of ale and soup for my friends and I. But first, I need a favor. Can you go get us some regular clothes and a room?¡±


    ¡°Can do my friend. Can do indeed!¡±


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Princess Kaithlyn Halwyn¡¯s leather boots clacked against stone as she strode down the castle halls wearing her green riding chaps and loose white blouse. Her once free-flowing golden hair had been tied up into a ponytail. She had wasted no time after freeing herself from the binds that the Hero, Harold Lisbe, had left her bound in. The dagger he had left her was belted firmly at her hip. She didn¡¯t know why, but she constantly felt the need to have her hand near the blade. Without ceremony, she opened the door to the throne room.


    ¡°Hello father.¡± She greeted as she entered the throne room where her father was currently in a discussion with the priest that had tested the Hero the other day. At one time, she had regarded the man with respect. Today however, she felt nothing but hatred.


    ¡°Ah, Kaithlyn, good timing.¡± Her father turned to her and gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek which she returned. ¡°Dark news my dear. The prisoners have escaped the dungeon.¡± Kaithlyn wanted to laugh loudly, but acted surprised.


    ¡°How dreadful!¡± She gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth in and act of false surprise.


    ¡°Indeed, such an occurrence is unprecedented.¡± The Priest spoke in his annoying voice. ¡°But worry not Princess, they shall be found and executed for their crimes.¡±


    Kaithlyn nodded, but said nothing. Desperately she felt the need to reach out and break the sniveling rat¡¯s neck. Though she cared little for the others, she would not let anyone hurt the Hero. Her beautiful, radiant hero.


    ¡°Since when have you carried a dagger my dear?¡± The King asked, snapping her from daydreaming of her beloved.


    ¡°Oh, this old thing?¡± She caressed the weapon with a smile. ¡°The guards seemed quite nervous. I assumed that something had happened and felt it prudent that I procure some protection.¡± Her father smiled at her,


    ¡°It is good that you¡¯re thinking of your own safety my dear. But you don¡¯t have to worry, we are completely safe within these walls. Though the fiends are likely long gone by now, I sent men to interview the outer wall¡¯s gate guards. They will find the three escaped prisoners.¡±


    She almost snorted in derision when her father said they were safe. If four men breaking into her room was safe, she pondered what unsafe would be. ¡°Wait¡­three prisoners?¡±


    ¡°The false Hero, a thief, and a traitor.¡± He explained with a sigh. ¡°I don¡¯t know how so few managed to escape. But when they¡¯re caught they will all be questioned intensely before being sent to the headsman¡¯s block. This shall never happen again.¡±If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    Kaithlyn gave a relieved smile, ¡°Of course father. Now if you¡¯ll excuse me, I¡¯ll be in the gardens.¡± She hugged her father tightly and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before making her way out of the room. Of course, she had no desire to meander through the blooming flowers like she had said. No, her beloved was in danger and she would save him.


    ¡°No matter who threatens him.¡± She whispered to herself as she gripped the dagger at her side. But before she could keep her hero safe, she would need to find him. Her father would have all the guards in the city on the lookout with descriptions of the escapees. If her beloved hadn¡¯t made it out of the city by now, he¡¯d be found for sure. Fortunately for her, she knew of their disguises. The race to save her beloved was on.


    But first, she needed to make a quick stop in her room.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª


    I¡¯m a meticulous eater. I like to leave as little a mess as possible when consuming food. Ribs however¡­well, I can see why they gave him that nickname. While he ate his portion of the soup that his friend had prepared for us, more of the stuff found its way to the floor than his mouth. But that wasn¡¯t even the worst part. No, Ribs was one of those people who would talk with a full mouth, spewing spittle and food every which way as he spoke. What little food he did manage to get into his mouth was reduced even further by his lacking table manners.


    I regretted saving him from that dungeon. He belonged there alongside all the other food talkers in the world.


    ¡°Sho fen Sherld hfere csame up wif dish phlan!¡± Ribs swallowed and shoved another fraction of soup into his mouth as he continued the story. Burson nodded along with the tale, slurping up a bowl of the very same soup. I don¡¯t know how he could understand Ribs¡¯ speech, but he managed.


    ¡°I¡¯m heading up to my room. Wake me when you bring us some clothes.¡± I spoke to Burson who nodded in response. After spending part of the night skulking through the castle and all the morning pretending to be a noblewoman, I was drained. I flipped the brass key around my fingers as I ascended the stairs. We were each given a room in the inn, which was very kind of our host. Though, unlike Ribs, I¡¯d try not to make much of a mess.


    As I approached the numbered room marked ¡®ten¡¯ on the key I stopped in my footsteps. The door was slightly ajar. With a shrug, I pushed it open. I kept my muscles tense, ready to strike at a moments notice. The room was small with only a bed, a window, and a lock box at the foot of the bed. The room was no better than a walk-in closet. But even a small room is better than any dungeon. Sitting atop my bed in normal commoner clothing was Snake. When I entered, he stood and held out his hand to me.


    ¡°I go.¡± He said simply. Guess he decided it was a good time to peace out. I shook his hand.


    ¡°Its been fun Snake. Don¡¯t be a stranger.¡± He chuckled,


    ¡°You want to come with? Dangerous here.¡±


    I rubbed my chin. The big man had a point. By now our escape must have been noticed by the castle. But in my mind, running now would only be too obvious. If word was out, the guards would be on high alert and we¡¯d be caught for sure. It¡¯d be far better to lay low for a few days and wait for things to calm down right under their noses.


    ¡°Thanks for the offer bud, but I¡¯ll be fine. You should lay low here for a few days. Wait for things to die down, you know?¡± He shook his head.


    ¡°No. Am needed elsewhere. We will meet again, Lahadam¡¯shtar.¡± He bowed his head formally to me.


    ¡°Laha-damn-shitter?¡±


    ¡°Lahadam¡¯shtar. Bonded brother.¡± Snake laughed. ¡°Is sign of great respect.¡±


    ¡°Ah, I¡¯ve got a word for that too. Homie.¡±


    ¡°Homie.¡± Snake spoke curiously as if tasting the word. ¡°Goodbye homie. Will meet again.¡± He said as he strode from my room.


    ¡°Peace out homie!¡± I called after him and he waved his final goodbye.


    I watched the big man leave, only to realize that I never knew his real name. Ah well, I¡¯d ask him once we met again. And I was sure we would, a man like him keeps the promises he makes. Feeling weary, I closed and locked my door before plopping myself down onto the bed, only to find it very uncomfortable. I prodded at the mattress with a finger, discovering that it was filled with what I assumed to be straw. I¡¯m no farmer, so it could have been wheat for all I know. Either way, this bed sucked.


    ¡°I¡¯d kill for a shower right about now.¡± I grumbled as I closed my eyes, desperately hoping this was all one really weird dream.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    When I opened my eyes I found myself seated at a large, expensive-looking table in the middle of a well-decorated room. But if the table was extravagant, the plates looked even more so. Even more eye-catching than the table and plates were the two women seated before me. Sahrai was smiling very pleasantly, while Fes¡­lets just say she had stars in her eyes.


    ¡°Sup ladies?¡± I greeted simply.


    ¡°Looking good Harold.¡± Sahrai snickered.


    ¡°Thanks, I try my best.¡± I smoothed out the dress that I was still wearing and fluffed up my hair.


    ¡°Ah¡­¡± Fes meekly gasped as she stared at me.


    ¡°Pervert!¡± I cried out and pointed an accusing finger at the now wide-eyed Goddess.


    ¡°No! I¡¯m not like the Princess!¡± Fes waved her hands at me with a warding gesture. I didn¡¯t believe her for a second. A person¡¯s eyes almost always give away their true thoughts. And while her stare wasn¡¯t as intense as the Princess¡¯, they still had that same feeling to them.


    ¡°So why are we here instead of the foggy place from before?¡± Sahrai smiled pleasantly,


    ¡°Well that ¡®foggy place¡¯, as you so eloquently put it, is mainly where we communicate with the people of Asalbatarius.¡± I gave her a blank stare. ¡°The world you are currently residing in.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Of course. I knew that.¡± She rolled her eyes,


    ¡°We use that spot to make those we speak with feel a sense of unease. It makes them more attentive to what we say most of the time.¡±


    ¡°Ah intimidation tactics, got ya.¡± Sahrai nodded,


    ¡°And you¡¯re here because I distinctly remember someone praying for help and promising a nice dinner in return.¡± She pointed to a doorway behind where I sat. ¡°Kitchen¡¯s that way. Chop chop.¡±


    ¡°Any requests? I¡¯m a pretty good cook if I do say so myself.¡±


    ¡°Hmmm.¡± Sahrai trapped her finger upon her chin in thought. ¡°Surprise us.¡± Fes didn¡¯t say anything, she just stared at me.


    With a shrug, I got up from my seat and moved towards the kitchen. From behind me I could hear the sound of a chair scraping backwards against the stone floor, a few hushed harsh words, and whimpering like a dog that had lost it¡¯s bone.

 Chapter 5: Dreaming of Dinner

    Mouths salivated as I walked out of the kitchen with two plates balanced in my hands. Three steaks seasoned with herbs I¡¯d never seen before, but smelled great and tasted better, sat enticingly upon the large tray balanced in my right hand. Steamed vegetables surrounded the steaks which added greatly to the alluring aroma. My other hand held a regular sized plate full of sliced potatoes that I had also seasoned and grilled, a personal favorite of my own making. As I set the plates down upon the table, Fes¡¯ eyes went from me, to the food, back to me, and then back to the food without a change in her expression. I sighed within my mind at her honesty. Men face sexual harassment just like women, its just socially unacceptable for us to complain about it. Not that I was going to complain. Fes was a good looking woman and I¡¯d totally tap that.


    After placing the grub before the two salivating beauties, I returned to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine. A good dinner isn¡¯t complete without good drinks after all. As I was returning to the table with the bottle in hand, I chuckled a little as I recalled my sister always telling me I¡¯d only get lucky in my dreams. She was wrong of course, as being able to cook a dinner just like this has gotten me laid more than spending any amount of money at a restaurant. But if tonight proceeded smoothly, she¡¯d be partially right in a sense, as this was a dream.


    As I poured the ladies their wine Fes gave a content smile. ¡°Its strange, I have heard the prayers of millions and even answered quite a few of those with my blessing. Yet not once have I had someone offer to do something for me in exchange.¡±


    ¡°What can I say? I¡¯m a simple man. Life is all about give and take. You can¡¯t just ask for something and not expect to have to return the favor at some point.¡± The two Goddesses raised their glasses of wine as a toast to my words.


    ¡°At least you don¡¯t have to deal with what I do, sister.¡± Sahrai spoke as she chewed. I don¡¯t know what disappointed me more, the knowledge that she was a food talker, or the fact that I still found her greatly attractive despite it. ¡°My followers offer souls in exchange for power all the time! Just what exactly am I supposed to do with people¡¯s souls?¡± She sighed. ¡°Its even worse now with the coming of the Demon Lord. Cults are out in full force all hoping for me to give them a hint of power.¡±


    ¡°Goddess of Darkness¡¯ worshipers do evil deeds in the name of their deity? Who¡¯da thunk it?¡± my jape was swiftly rewarded with a piece of steamed broccoli colliding with my face. Sahrai¡¯s glare was ruined by the slight smirk creeping upon her face accompanied by the sound of Fes giggling. All in all, the dinner passed amicably as we enjoyed my fine cooking. But once the food was done, it was time to get down to brass tacks.


    ¡°Alright you two. Its about time we had a little Q&A session.¡± I picked at the meat stuck in between my teeth with a knife as I spoke.


    ¡°Queue and ay?¡± Fes questioned. The two sisters looked at one another curiously.


    ¡°Question and answer.¡± Recognition dawned upon their faces. ¡°At the forefront of my mind, why am I here? And why me?¡±


    ¡°As King Lebbik previously said, signs are pointing to the reemergence of the Demon Lord in our world. You were summoned to defeat them, saving countless lives in the process. As for why you were summoned.¡± Fes shrugged.


    ¡°Ah it must be fate then.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°Alright then. Next on my mind, can I go home?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± They both stated simply.


    ¡°Why the hell not?¡± I slammed my hands on the table, more out of shock than anger.


    ¡°Its¡­¡± Fes began.


    ¡°We cannot do so at this moment.¡± Sahrai crossed her arms and regarded me with a self-assured confidence that only served to make me a bit ticked off. Women, cant live with em, cant live without em.


    ¡°Again, why the hell not?¡± I gritted my teeth.


    ¡°What my sister means to say is that you were summoned to our world to fulfill a purpose.¡± Fes stated as she motioned for both of us to settle down. ¡°You must defeat the Demon Lord before we can send you back home.¡±


    ¡°I never even agreed to do such a thing.¡±


    ¡°Technically you did.¡± Sahrai smugly stated. ¡°When you spoke with King Lebbik you ¡®deigned to help, no matter the trial¡¯. At that moment, you were bonded to this world through your promise. Only once you defeat the Demon Lord will your purpose be fulfilled. If you didn¡¯t make the promise, then you could have been returned without issue.¡±


    I scratched the back of my head and leaned back in my chair. ¡°Got me with the small print there then. Fucking lawyers.¡± A weak laugh escaped my lips as I recalled the whole meeting with the royal family when I was first summoned. ¡°So¡­I¡¯m stuck here?¡± Nods were the reward to my question. I sighed and looked to the bottle of wine. ¡°Well¡­fuck.¡± I uttered as I sat up, grabbed the half full bottle, and began to chug the rest of the contents. ¡°I think I¡¯m gonna need a few more of these. So how long until this ¡®Demon Lord¡¯ manifests so I can off them and be done with this?¡±


    ¡°We do not know. But based on our observations of the flow of magical energy, it will happen sometime within the year.¡± Fes answered with an apologetic bow of her head.


    ¡°A year huh.¡± I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. ¡±And how long are the years in this world?¡±


    ¡°Four hundred and thirty days.¡± Sahrai stated.


    ¡°Hmmm. Thats a bit over a year in my world.¡± I took a swig from the bottle of wine. What would happen to my shit if I was gone for a year?


    Goodbye car, that thing would get towed and sold within a month. The bank would totally sell all my shit and then resell my house. Bastards. My friends would still be around though, so I could crash at one of their places as I got my rear in gear. They¡¯d just badger me nonstop about disappearing for over a year. The girl who I had thought about going steady with was totally going to bounce. I mean, I wasn¡¯t actually going to go steady with her, but the thought was there. That had to mean something at least, right? Ah well, I wouldn¡¯t blame her for looking for a new guy. I¡¯d do the same if she disappeared for over a year. The only good thing about this arrangement was that I didn¡¯t have to show up for work for a year. Chester can blow me for all I care.


    The worst would be my parents though. I expected my face to be on every milk carton in the country within a week of my disappearance. My mother would have a heart attack if I missed one of her calls. I keep telling her that I¡¯m a grown man and don¡¯t need to be checked up on so often when she calls every other day, but she just says ill forever stay her ¡®snuggy-boo¡¯.


    ¡°Wellp, I¡¯m off to get more wine. You ladies don¡¯t mind me raiding your reserve right?¡± They shook their heads as I stood up. ¡°Alright, back in a bit.¡±


    After I had brought out another two bottles of wine the three of us sat in a comfortable silence as we slowly drained the bottles. Each of us not wanting to interrupt the other¡¯s thoughts. Despite drinking so much though, none of us were acting any different. I even still had all my clothes on and didn¡¯t even feel the slightest bit tipsy! Shame. Alcohol isn¡¯t fun if theres no danger of doing something you¡¯ll regret later. Kinda like driving those three-wheeled motorcycles, those things scream ¡®midlife crisis wuss¡¯. You may as well just buy a new car instead. I¡¯d certainly respect those people more if they did, instead of some damn motorcycle with a glorified training wheel.


    As I took a deep drink from my glass of wine I closed my eyes and began to recount my situation. Always helps to keep your thoughts organized after all. So here I was, stuck in a strange land in a kingdom that wanted me dead and forced to pit myself against a physical embodiment of destruction. And from what the two Goddesses have said, this isn¡¯t the first time a Demon Lord has invaded.


    ¡°Hey,¡± I began, breaking the silence between us. ¡°The other times this Demon Lord has been reborn into this world, you guys summoned heroes back then as well, right?¡±


    ¡°Yes indeed.¡± Fes responded. ¡°Why do you ask?¡±


    ¡°Just wondering what they did their first few days in this world.¡±


    ¡°Well, normally by now they¡¯d be trained by whatever kingdom summoned them if they lacked combat experience.¡± Sahrai stated and took a drink. ¡°Though with my intervention in your summoning, that avenue has been taken from you. My apologies.¡± I was surprised that she sounded so regretful.


    ¡°Eh, I¡¯ll manage. Cant say that my summoning hasn¡¯t been eventful eh?¡± I motioned towards my dress, causing Fes to crack a smile and Sahrai to laugh. ¡°Though I¡¯ve never done any sword fighting before. But I¡¯m plenty confident in my fists. Plus I¡¯ve got Dark Magic.¡± I took another quick sip of wine. ¡°Speaking of which, mind giving me the specifics on that?¡±


    ¡°Of course. When I tried to explain it to you last time we were interrupted. But first I must clarify something. Dark Magic is a general statement to describe magic that many in the world consider evil. What I have blessed you with is the ability to use Death Magic. This class of magic is but one part of the whole ¡®Dark Magic¡¯ spectrum. With Death Magic, you will be able to make things decompose at a rapid rate with spells such as Decay. But you will also be able to conjure the dead to assist you in battle. However-¡±Stolen novel; please report.


    I stopped listening and had to put my glass on the table. My hands, no, my whole body was shaking! ¡°You m-mean I¡¯m a necromancer?¡± Fes and Sahrai glanced at one another in surprise at my outburst, but I paid them no mind. My mind was filled with images of the world in flames. Legions of skeletons marched at my command, bringing ruin to my enemies and all who have wronged me. This world was starting to look alright as I imagined my unstoppable horde.


    ¡°Yes, that is one name for-¡± Sahrai began but was interrupted when I jumped out of my seat.


    ¡°Oh fuck yes! I am so fucking ready! Oh man, that Demon Lord is so fucked! Don¡¯t worry ladies, I got this! Skeleton spam for days baby, woo!¡± I ran around the table, pulled Fes to her feet, and began to dance. It didn¡¯t matter that she stood still and stared at me with a strange look. My spirit was soaring sky high.


    ¡°Harold.¡± A faint voice called out to me but I was too busy busting a groove to care.


    ¡°Harold!¡± Sahrai shouted, breaking me from my reverie.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You weren¡¯t listening.¡± She huffed. ¡°I was saying that the Blessing of Light from my sister may affect your Death Magic. Decay seems to work the same, but that is only one spell. For summoning, normally you¡¯d be able to conjure as many of the dead as your magical power allowed. But with my sister¡¯s blessing, I¡¯m unsure if you¡¯ll even be able to summon the dead at all. Light and Darkness are opposites after all.¡±


    A cold chill crept its way down my spine as her words set in my mind. In an instant, my world was shattered. I fell to my knees. No legions of undead? No skeleton spam? What was the point of being a necromancer if you couldn¡¯t conjure up a metric fuck-ton of minions?! What was I going to do, rely on spells like Decay my whole time in this world? That wasn¡¯t a Necromancer, that was some sort of Dark Wizard, which was infinitely worse and infinitely more boring. With hopeful eyes, I stared up at Fes.


    ¡°Please say it isn¡¯t true.¡± She shook her head,


    ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°Can you take your Blessing back?¡± I begged. But again, she shook her head.


    ¡°The Blessings a Summoned Hero receives are permanent.¡±


    Men never cry. Sadness is not an emotion that we experience at any point in our lives. Soul-crushing disappointment though, thats definitely an emotion that I was feeling at this very moment.


    ¡°Oh cease your whining. It ill suits you.¡± Sahrai scoffed at my fragile emotional state. Doesn¡¯t she know that words like that can cause the younger generation, such as myself, to require months of therapy later on in their lives? ¡°And get up, we can test if you¡¯re unable to conjure the dead.¡± In an instant I was upon my feet and ready for action.


    ¡°Alright, lay it on me. How do we do this?¡±


    The two Goddesses stood at my question. Fes smiled and snapped her fingers. In an instant, the three of us stood within a graveyard full of marble mausoleums. Sunlight shone upon each building, making them appear far more radiant than they first appeared. Birds sang in blooming trees that grew around the grounds. Healthy green grass littered with flowers grew in-between marble pathways that led all around the graveyard to each crypt. Paragraphs of golden words were printed onto the side of each building, detailing the accomplishments of the person entombed within.


    ¡°Welcome Harold, to the resting place of this world¡¯s greatest champions.¡± Fes beamed proudly.


    ¡°Eh, I¡¯ve seen better.¡± Sahrai snorted in amusement and Fes looked as if she had deflated a bit. ¡°Just kidding, this place looks amazing Fes. When I die, you can make one of these for me, alright?¡± The sparkle in her eyes returned as she nodded furiously.


    ¡°Leave it to me!¡±


    ¡°So if is where the champions go, what about the villains?¡±


    Sahrai snapped her fingers and a small portal appeared next to me. The smell of brimstone flooded my nostrils and the sounds of horrible suffering clogged my ears as I peeked in. Hundreds of people wailed within the flames of hellfire before my very eyes. I had no idea who these people were, nor what they did, but I felt the need to put in my two cents by hocking a loogie their way. I watched the mass of phlegm sail through the scorching air and fall down onto some poor bastard¡¯s forehead.


    ¡°Direct hit!¡± I whooped as I withdrew my head from the portal. ¡°Alright, my curiosity is sated.¡± In an instant, it winked away. With it went the smell of brimstone and the cries of the damned. It felt good knowing that bad people were punished in this world for their misdeeds. ¡°Now then,¡± I cracked my knuckles. ¡°Lets get to conjuring!¡±


    The three of us entered a nearby mausoleum that was very spacious on the inside. Further in the building stood a marble statue of a man in heavy armor wielding a massive sword with both hands standing as if he were about to swing at some unseen enemy. Sitting at the base of the statue was a coffin made of polished red wood that reflected the inside of the building.


    ¡°Arngrim Canathast, known to many as Bylhath¡¯s Bane.¡± Fes explained with a smile. ¡°He was a farmer when he was a boy. But an earthquake had awoken a slumbering dragon in the mountains near where he lived. In a rage, the dragon burned his village to the ground. Arngrim barely survived such an onslaught, and from that point on devoted his life to slaying the great beast Bylhath in my name. His heroic spirit inspires the people to this very day.¡±


    ¡°Sounds like a total badass.¡± I glanced at Sahrai who looked indifferent to everything around her. ¡°Whats the matter Sahrai, no champions that do great deeds in your name?¡± Her responding scoff said it all. ¡°Hey don¡¯t be like that, I¡¯ll be your champion any day. In fact, I¡¯ll dedicate my taking down the Demon Lord in your name.¡± I winked at her. She may have rolled her eyes, but when she stood a little taller I knew she was pleased. Women are like cats, you have to scratch them just the right amount in just the right place. If you don¡¯t, they¡¯ll bite you.


    We stood before the coffin in a moment of respectful silence. I may be an ass at times, but even I knew when to behave. Fes gave a grateful nod my way and together we gently took the lid from the coffin and set it to the side. What remained of the once great man was nothing more than a skeleton and his massive great sword clenched in his hands pointing down towards his feet.


    ¡°Now then, for our test you¡¯ll animate the remains of Arngrim here. Contrary to what the fools in the Church of Light believe, animation of the dead such as reanimated skeletons and corpses, in no way disturbs the souls of the deceased. You are merely controlling their remains as your puppets. In fact, Arngrim¡¯s spirit has already reborn in the world. Currently, hes enjoying a peaceful life in a fishing village and destined to marry his childhood sweetheart.¡± Her eyes stared off into the distance in some wistful manner. She then took a deep breath and continued. ¡°As for summoning wraiths and other malevolent spirits¡­a sacrifice is required to summon those to the mortal realm.¡±


    ¡°Sounds like you should quit and find a new job. Goddess of Darkness totally doesn¡¯t suit you.¡±


    ¡°Can one quit being a Goddess?¡± Sahrai gave a sorrowful smile.


    ¡°Of course, just look at Earth, numerous Pantheons of Gods and Goddesses disappear all the time. Granted, ours probably never existed in the first place, but still. Point stands.¡±


    ¡°Regardless, let us test your ability to manipulate the dead. First you must hold out your hand towards your target like so.¡± Sahrai half-heartedly held out her arm towards the skeleton. ¡°Then you simply say the phrase ¡®Raise and Serve¡¯.¡± A dark cloud of energy flew from Sahrais outstretched hand and engulfed the skeleton formerly known as Arngrim. A few moments passed until the energy subsided and the skeleton sat up in its coffin. ¡°To break your hold on your target simply say ¡®I release you¡¯.¡± And just like that, the skeleton went back into it¡¯s resting position.


    ¡°Alright, I got ya.¡± I rolled up my dress¡¯ sleeve on my right arm and held it out towards the skeleton.


    ¡°Raise and Serve!¡± A resounding ¡®boom¡¯ shook the mausoleum as a torrent of golden and black energy shot out of my arm and into the skeleton. ¡°Holy fu-¡± Was all I managed to cry out before the energy pouring into the skeleton exploded, sending me flying out of the crypt.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Far to the east in the Halwyn Kingdom lay the town of Blue-Gill Bay, named so for the fish that are caught in plenty in the clear ocean waters. At the edge of one of the docks sat a young man with his fishing line cast out, eager to bring home the day¡¯s catch that would be served for dinner.


    ¡°Rolt!¡± he heard the voice of his childhood friend call out behind him. She must have finished her chores early. He reeled in his line and set aside his fishing pole before standing up and turning around and bracing himself.


    ¡°Maybelle!¡± He uttered out just in time to catch his friend crashing into him. A fit of giggles filled the air as he caught her. He loved her, well and truly with all his heart. But he never knew just when he should confess that feeling to her. Her blue eyes matched that of the ocean he loved so much, that he could stare into them for hours.


    ¡°You caught me!¡± She giggled as she untangled herself from his arms.


    ¡°I always do.¡± Rolt grinned as he stared at the girl that was constantly on his mind. She wore the white sundress that he had purchased in secret. He had to hide it well, as Maybelle knew all of his most precious hiding spots. But his effort was not in vain, for when he had given it to her on her birthday her surprised face was worth far more than the money he had spent.


    ¡°Rolt¡­I¡­I have something to tell you¡­¡± She mumbled and her face turned bright red. Hammering like the drums during festival, his heart beat at a rapid pace and he felt a strange pulling sensation. His mouth felt dry like the deserts that the trades told tales of. In embarrassment, Maybelle turned around and began to speak once more.


    ¡°W-we¡¯ve been friends our whole lives¡­¡± Maybelle began to speak earnestly, but Rolt could barely hear. He clutched at his chest where his heart was beating painfully. But one moment the beating was painful, and the next it stopped completely. All he could do was stare at the girl he loved so much for one last moment before his legs gave out from under him.


    ¡°What I mean to say is¡­¡± Maybelle turned around with eyes clenched tight. ¡°I love you Rolt! I want to be with you forever!¡± She opened her eyes just in time to see her friend collapse onto the dock with his hand clenched at his chest. ¡°Rolt! Rolt! Are you okay? Rolt!¡± She shook his body, but no response came from the boy she loved.


    ¡°Noooooooooooooooo!¡± She wailed out into the sky. An unseen purple mist coalesced around the poor girl that wept raggedly.

 Chapter 6: Skeleton Man

    Newton¡¯s first law explains that ¡®an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an outside force¡¯. This holds true in all aspects of life. In the vacuum of space, an object will continue forever so long as it doesn¡¯t hit something, as there is no force such as friction or gravity to disturb it¡¯s forward momentum. On a planet however, we have gravity that constantly pulls everything down so we don¡¯t fly off forever. But gravity wasn¡¯t the outside force that stopped my horizontal momentum.


    It was a tree.


    Birds flew off, squawking in irritation as my head collided with the sturdy maple in which they had recently perched. I¡¯m not sure how mathematically feasible it was that the tree hadn¡¯t broken from my collision, but my head sure felt like it should have! I¡¯m not even sure how I was even conscious at this moment, though I guessed it was because I was already unconscious in a sense. In a string of curses, swears, and other words for obscenities that would have made my grandfather proud. He was a great man, my grandfather. Taught me every curse word I know.


    While I ranted, raved, and swore to burn down a forest in retribution for making my head feel like a cracked egg, Fes appeared beside me and placed her hands upon my skull. The feeling of a calm wave washed over my head and in moments, the pain faded completely.


    ¡°Thanks Fes, I owe you one. Want me to make dinner for you gals again next time?¡±


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯d be lovely! Also¡­I have a¡­personal request.¡± She spoke, her voice becoming more quiet by the end.


    ¡°Alright, lay it on me.¡± I had a feeling I knew what she wanted. And I was totally down with that assumption. She leaned forward and whispered her request in my ear. Disappointment filled my entire being. ¡°Really? Thats it?¡±


    ¡°Will you?¡± She begged with pleading eyes.


    ¡°Alright fine.¡± I rolled my eyes. She wanted me to wear a dress to our next meeting! Dammit, I was hoping for something more salacious.


    ¡°Harold get in here!¡± Sahrai called out in a frantic voice from inside Arngrim¡¯s mausoleum.


    ¡°By my blade I shall slay you, Temptress of Darkness!¡± A new voice called out from inside the building. The crypt shook with the sounds of battle. Pieces of marble cracked off the outside of the mausoleum as a particularly heavy hit shook the building.


    ¡°Nah!¡± I called out. ¡°I¡¯m good out here, thanks!¡± Self preservation was at the forefront of my mind. There was no way I was going in there with whatever was going down.


    ¡°Harold!¡± This time her voice sent a chill down my spine. When a woman speaks to you in such a way, you best jump to action. Even if she tells you to drive off a cliff.


    ¡°Coming dear!¡± I called out as I raced into the crypt, internally knowing that I was probably going to die.


    When I reached the main room what I saw surprised me. The skeleton that had previous lay within the confines in his coffin was now up and about. Even more surprising was the way he swung his sword around with practiced precision. Muscles be damned, that was one buff skeleton. Shame he was attacking my favorite Goddess. Arngrim swung his blade once more as Sahrai barely slunk away in time, causing another tremor from the blade colliding with the side of the building.


    ¡°Cease your fleeing Witchof Darkness! Allow me to end your miserable existence!¡± The skeleton cackled as he chased Sahrai.


    ¡°Alright, I¡¯m here!¡± I called out from a safe distance. ¡°Now what?¡±


    ¡°Stop him!¡± Sahrai yelled at me as she dodged another attack.


    ¡°Can¡¯t you just use your own magic on him?¡±


    ¡°You think I haven¡¯t tried that? He just re-forms after I blow him to pieces, and my sister would never forgive me if I completely disintegrated him!¡±


    ¡°None of your foul magics can allay my desire to end your life, Withered Wench!¡±


    ¡°Withered?!¡± Sahrai snarled as she blew away the skeleton¡¯s arm with a blast of magic, which quickly reknit itself back to his body.


    ¡°Don¡¯t listen to him Sahrai, you look amazing!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re damn right I do! Now stop him!¡±


    ¡°¡¯Kay.¡± I thought about how exactly to do that. How does one stop a murderous skeleton exactly? I looked around frantically and found a good sized piece of marble. I picked it up with both arms, took aim, and chucked it at the bony bastard.


    ¡°I have you now Demon!¡± Arngrim cackled as he raised his massive sword, only for his skull to be sent flying off the top of his body.


    ¡°Boom!¡± I cried out as his skeletal body collapsed in a heap of bones now that it had lost its head. Slowly, the bones began to form up again, but I sprinted over and grabbed the skeleton¡¯s skull. Now that I held the skull in my hands, his bones once more collapsed in a heap.


    ¡°Unhand me! My vengeance must be swift so that I may rest!¡± Arngrim cried out as he shook in my hands.


    ¡°Dude shut the fuck up.¡± Surprisingly, he did. ¡°Huh, I¡¯m surprised that worked. Normally I have to beat their ass before they do that.¡±


    ¡°Of course it did you oaf. Arngrim is your minion after all, he has to listen to you. You could have just told him to stop attacking me.¡± Sahrai huffed from the other side of the crypt.


    ¡°Well you could have just told me to tell him to stop attacking you. Not that I¡¯d have believed you at the time though.¡± I gave a half-hearted shrug, ¡°Besides, I think things worked out nicely in the end anyway. Why were you avoiding his attacks anyway? Aren¡¯t you immortal?¡±


    ¡°Of course I am.¡± Sahrai huffed. ¡°But nobody has ever tried attacking us in our realm. And I am not interested in finding out if I can die! Now order him not to attack me!¡±


    ¡°Fine fine.¡± I looked down at the skull in my hands. ¡°Yo, Arngrim, you can talk now. Don¡¯t attack Sahrai over there, got it?¡±


    ¡°Who are you that commands me so?¡± The skull asked in wonder. ¡°Have thou ensorcelled me with some manner of foul magics?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m your master buddy. No olde english either from now on, I¡¯ve had enough of that shit already.¡±


    ¡°Master? I am Arngrim Canathast, the bane of Bylhath! I have no master.¡±


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.¡°Right then. Consider me your master from now on.¡±


    ¡°As you wish sir.¡± The skull spoke respectfully.


    I grinned wickedly, ¡°I could get used to this.¡± Irreverently, I tossed the skeleton¡¯s head back into the pile of his bones. Slowly, his body rebuilt itself until he could stand on his own two skeletal feet. With blade in hand, the skeletal warrior stood before me and bowed.


    ¡°How may I serve you, master?¡±


    ¡°Uhh, shit man I dunno. Lets just chill for a moment alright?¡± Arngrim bowed,


    ¡°As you wish.¡± The skeletal man stood at my side with his blade pointed down in a rest position.


    ¡°So¡­I¡¯m guessing not all animated beings are this vocal.¡± I spoke to Sahrai who stared curiously at Arngrim.


    ¡°No. Normally not. In fact, this is more akin to resurrection than reanimation. How interesting¡­¡±


    ¡°Arngrim!¡± Fes called out as she rushed into the mausoleum gasping for breath. ¡°Arngrim¡­is it you?¡± The skeleton turned the heavily breathing woman, gasped out in surprise, and knelt.


    ¡°Lady of the Light! I am not worthy!¡±


    ¡°It is you! Sir Arngrim, I have a question.¡±


    ¡°Ask away my lady.¡±


    ¡°Does the name Maybelle mean anything to you?¡±


    The skeleton seemed to consider for a moment before shaking his head.


    ¡°No my lady, it does not. I know not of anyone by that name.¡±


    ¡°¡­thank you Arngrim for your honesty.¡± Fes nodded towards the kneeling skeleton and looked rather distraught.


    ¡°Sister, what happened?¡± Sahrai questioned intensely. ¡°Tell us.¡±


    ¡°I just came back from the mortal realm. Rolt, Arngrim¡¯s reincarnation, died moments ago. His childhood sweetheart, Maybelle, is beyond distraught and believes she killed him with her confession of love.¡± Fes stared sadly at the kneeling skeleton.


    ¡°By using his powers, Harold must have ripped Arngrim¡¯s soul from his current body and placed it in this one.¡± Sahrai deduced. The two of them stared at me with serious eyes, interrupting my humming of the song ¡®You Give Love a bad Name¡¯.


    ¡°Not my fault.¡± I raised my hands up in a warding motion. ¡°You told me to do it. I¡¯m young and easily susceptible to peer pressure.¡±


    ¡°Harold¡­¡± Fes spoke with pleading eyes. ¡°You need to return Arngrim¡¯s soul to his new body!¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because its the right thing to do!¡± Fes uttered with tears in her eyes.


    ¡°Alright, alright fine. I¡¯ll do it. Cease the waterworks.¡± In an instant, Fes¡¯ face changed from somber to ecstatic. I knew what she did. That lady used her shark tears to get her way. And I fell for it hook line and sinker. ¡°But!¡± I interrupted her gleefulness. ¡°You¡¯re going to owe me a favor.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± Fes nodded. I held out my hand and we shook on it. Its not often you have a beautiful woman in your debt, and I intended to take full advantage.


    ¡°Lay one hand on my sister and I¡¯ll personally castrate you.¡± Sahrai whispered in my ear threateningly. Full advantage was now out of the question.


    ¡°So, where is his current incarnation¡¯s whereabouts? And can you fingersnap us there like you did to get us here?¡±


    ¡°He lives in Blue-Gill Bay, which resides in the eastern part of the Halwyn Kingdom. And no, we can¡¯t teleport you there, as we are only able to interact within the mortal realm in certain ways.¡± Sahrai sighed. ¡°You¡¯ll have to travel there by foot since you have no horses.¡±


    ¡°Great, I get to walk around in the country that wants me dead.¡± I gave a defeated sigh, ¡°And how long is this trip going to take?¡±


    ¡°Ten days.¡±


    ¡°Well shit, hes gonna be buried in the ground by then.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll handle that.¡± Fes chimed in. ¡°I will speak with the town Priests in their dreams. They¡¯ll keep the body preserved until you show up.¡±


    With our course of action agreed upon we began to make our way out of the crypt, only for me to be engulfed in bright light once more. I knew what this meant, it was wake-up time.


    ¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ª


    Rambles had always been more of a people watcher than anything else. This habit of his proved to be very handy when looking for pockets to pick. Even though he had no intention of picking people¡¯s pockets in Burson¡¯s Brew Barn, his eyes still wandered as he singled people out from the corner of the room in which he sat. Business had picked up in the evening and still Ribs was chatting with Burson. The fool hadn¡¯t even changed his clothes! Not that Burson had had the chance to go and purchase some for the four of them. Well, three now. Snake had left far earlier wearing the clothes that he had stolen. How did Rambles know they were stolen? Simple, Snake asked him to pick the lock of a door within the inn. Once Snake had finished finding clothes, Rambles had invited himself to partake in a few himself.


    Clothes that were once someone else¡¯s were now his and he was wearing them. Though he did enjoy wearing the Princess¡¯ dress, it would be impossible to be a thief in those frilly things. So he hid the dress in his room and would only wear it on special occasions. The underwear though, that was something he¡¯d wear forever.


    As Rambles sipped from his mug of ale, the door to the inn opened. In strode a tall, beautiful woman with her golden hair tied into a ponytail. She wore tight fitting clothing that the nobles often wore when exiting the city to ride upon their expensive horses. The woman scanned the room, her gaze briefly passing over Rambles who gasped in shock.


    ¡°T-the Princess¡­¡± He whispered fearfully. She was here to take them all back to the dungeons, he was sure of it! Strange that there were no guards with her. They were obviously outside, guarding the grounds to make sure that none of them escaped! Rambles¡¯ heart raced as the woman locked her gaze on Ribs sitting at the bar in his dress. With long, purposeful strides, she made her way towards the man. ¡°I gotta warn Harold. He¡¯ll know what to do!¡± Rambles murmured as he slowly got up from his table and silently made his way to the stairwell.


    Up the stairs he crept, rushing only when he reached the top to head directly to Harold¡¯s room. As soon as he reached the door to room ten, Rambles fumbled at the doorknob, only to find it locked.


    ¡°Dammit!¡± Rambles cursed as he grasped the lock picks within his pocket. ¡°C¡¯mon, c¡¯mon¡­¡± He muttered as he worked at the lock. In moments, he heard a faint click and the door slid open. Unceremoniously, Rambles dove into the room and locked it behind him. She would be here soon and they needed to escape now! ¡°Wake up Harold. Wake up!¡± Rambles urged as he shook the sleeping man. In an instant, a flash of bright light blinded Rambles and the sound of clutter falling to the ground filled the room. When his eyesight returned a skeleton stood right before him holding a massive blade.


    With weak knees, Rambles fell to the floor and felt a warm trickle of liquid drip down his leg.


    ¡°Who are you?¡± The skeleton demanded, but received no answer from Rambles. He had already passed out in fright.

 Chapter 7: The Chase

    I¡¯ve woken up to some strange things in my life, such as a guy breaking into my house to rob my. Unlucky for him, I was really good with a baseball bat back then. Played a bit of middle school ball and all that. But I gotta say, a passed out dude laying in a puddle of his own piss and an animated skeleton staring at him with an unreadable expression certainly takes the cake. There was also a strong feeling of absolute fear within my stomach that told me danger was near. I always trusted my gut, and it has never steered me wrong in life, but before acting, one must always get as much information as possible. So I pushed myself off the bed and wiped down my dress. It always pays to look your best after all.


    ¡°Yo, Arngrim, shouldn¡¯t you be with the Goddesses?¡± I addressed my bony companion.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure master. Perhaps it is because we are linked?¡± His bones clinked as he tapped his skull in a thinking gesture.


    ¡°Eh, works for me.¡± I shrugged and motioned to Rambles, ¡°Wake up Rambles there. I don¡¯t feel like stepping in piss this early in the morning.¡±


    ¡°Its almost night, master.¡± Arngrim stated as he kicked Rambles in the leg. ¡°My master commands that you awake!¡±


    ¡°Ey whats the bright idea?¡± Rambles grumbled as he awoke from his liquid slumber. ¡°Why I oughta¡­¡± His train of thought clearly crashed as he locked his eyes upon Arngrim once more. ¡°Ah¡­ah¡­¡±


    ¡°Rambles, worry less about the skeleton and more about your situation. You¡¯re sitting in your own piss.¡±


    ¡°Wha- ah!¡± Rambles cried out, jumped up from the puddle, and stared at his clothes. ¡°Damn I just stole these too¡­¡±


    ¡°You can always steal more later. Why¡¯d you wake me up so urgently?¡±


    ¡°Ah! Thats right!¡± Rambles exclaimed, ¡°The Princess is here, downstairs!¡±


    ¡°Oh fuck.¡± That explained my gut feeling. It was officially time to bounce.


    I bolted straight to the window and tried to open it, only to find it firmly stuck shut. I looked towards the door in fear. If we went downstairs she¡¯d find me for sure. More than likely I¡¯d be caught as well, and that was not happening on my watch. I looked around my room frantically for a solution. Anything at all that I could bring to bear in some form of a plan to escape. My eyes locked upon the pillow resting upon my bed. With the speed of a squirrel running in front of a car, I grabbed the pillow, jammed my hand inside, and punched out the window.


    Glass shattered, the jagged edges cutting into the pillow, but my hand was safe from the majority of the injuries. In fact, the few cuts I did receive quickly closed. Thanks Blessing of Light!


    ¡°W-why¡¯d you do that?!¡± Rambles said as he rushed towards the remains of the window.


    ¡°Rambles, in life sometimes there must be sacrifices for the greater good. This window was one such sacrifice that I shall mourne greatly after we are safely away from here.¡± Rambles nodded repeatedly in understanding.


    ¡°But you didn¡¯t have to break the window.¡± He pulled up two switch-like locks on the sides of the window sill. ¡°It was just locked in place.¡±


    ¡°Its sacrifice shall never be forgotten.¡± I spoke solemnly as I began to knock out the rest of the glass. ¡°Arngrim, tie those bedsheets together like a rope.


    ¡°Yes master.¡± The skeleton saluted and began to work at the task rapidly, using his sword to cut the sheets into thick strips.


    ¡°Master?¡± Rambles asked as he looked to the skeleton and back to me.


    ¡°Long story short, I accidentally put his soul back into his body and hes kinda my slave now.¡±


    ¡°Damn¡­¡± A pair of footsteps loudly approached outside my door, cutting off Rambles words. We were almost out of time. I motioned everyone to be silent as I tied the completed bed-sheet rope to the bedpost nearest to the window and tossed the makeshift rope out the destroyed window.


    ¡°You first Arngrim.¡± I whispered.


    ¡°What?¡± Rambles looked at me aghast, ¡°Why the bundle of bones first and not us?¡±


    ¡°Because I need to get him to Blue-Gill Bay, and when I do a hot chick is going to owe me a favor.¡±


    ¡°Harold, you in there?¡± I heard the voice of Ribs speak from outside the door as he fumbled with the locked doorknob. But there was something off about it. It was like he was being forced to say the words he was speaking. It was too late to save him, the Princess already had him.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± I responded as Arngrim made his way down the rope.


    ¡°Mind letting me in? I¡¯ve got those clothes for you.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, sure! Give me a minute.¡± I answered back. It was Rambles¡¯ turn down the rope.


    ¡°Gah!¡± Rambles cried out as he pulled himself through the destroyed windowsill. Apparently I had missed some glass.


    ¡°Who was that? It sounded like a man! My beloved is in his room with another man¡­¡± I heard a woman begin panting heavily beyond my doorway. It was the Princess, my once betrothed Kaithlyn. I had never heard her voice before, but she sounded cute. Shame my entire body was screaming at me to run.


    One moment, the door was there. The next, it was on the floor. The amount force behind the Princess¡¯ kick to achieve such a feat was simply mind boggling. Talk about a one woman SWAT team. For the moment, we regarded one another. As much as my mind urged me to flee, my legs were frozen to the floor. The whole while, she looked me over with the hungry gaze of a lion that had just sighted a gazelle. Before I could even react, she bolted forward. I was a goner.


    Or at least, I would have been one were it not for Kaithlyn not watching where she ran. In an instant, her charge was interrupted by her falling face down in the puddle of piss just inside of my room. Now was my chance! More out of instinct than thought, I leapt out of my room through the gap that was once a window.


    ¡°Arngrim catch me!¡± I yelled out as I plummeted towards the ground.


    ¡°Yes master!¡± my servant called out below me.


    The good news is that my skeletal servant caught me. The bad news is that his arms broke off from the impact of my fall. A flurry of curses flew from my mouth as I pushed myself to my feet. I chanced a glance up to the window from which I fell and saw the Princess sliding down our makeshift rope. I looked to my two companions.Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    ¡°Run!¡± I shouted at the top of my lungs.


    Strangely, no guards blocked our escape as we made like a trio of hounds with our tails caught on fire and bolted deeper into the city in the dark. The occasional lanterns affixed atop metal poles were lit along the sides of the streets, providing some light with which to see. Very few people meandered the streets at this time of night, and those that did cheered our frantic chase with drunken abandon. A quick glance behind me as I pumped my legs for all their worth was enough to send chills down my spine. The Princess was in hot pursuit and gaining. At that moment, I deeply regretted quitting track in my sophomore year in high school. With little choice, I did the only thing I could.


    I tripped Rambles.


    ¡°Harold help me!¡± The man cried out as he fell, the poor fool not even realizing that it was me who left him for the dogs.


    ¡°You shall be rewarded in Heaven!¡± I yelled back at him as Arngrim and I continued on. Once more I looked back to see if my distraction would prove worthwhile. The Princess barely regarded the man trembling upon the ground as she leapt over him and continued her pursuit of her prime target. Me.


    ¡°Arngrim.¡± I spoke to the skeleton running beside me.


    ¡°Yes master?¡±


    ¡°Stop her!¡± I cried out frantically. I¡¯d use everything at my disposal to escape from that mad Princess, even the skeleton I was supposed to escort. In an instant, my skeletal companion ceased running and turned to face the woman barreling towards him. He held his arms open as if to catch her.


    ¡°Hold m¡¯la-¡± Was all he could utter before the sounds of bones clacking together sounded behind me. I looked back just in time to see her charge right through Arngrim, sending his bones scattering all around the road. ¡°I did my best master!¡± he yelled as my cadaverous companion¡¯s cranium careened passed. As it rolled along the ground, I scooped the skull up and tossed it behind me in the hope of hitting the Princess.


    Alas, I missed the target.


    ¡°Why do you run my beloved?!¡± Kaithlyn cried out from behind me as we raced through the empty streets.


    ¡°The man is supposed to pursue the woman! Not the other way around!¡± I grabbed a lamp post and used it to spin into a sharp turn down a side road. ¡°I¡¯m not comfortable with reversing gender roles at this point in our relationship!¡±


    ¡°Can our love not transcend the boundaries which constitute a typical relationship?¡± A quick glance behind me showed that she mimicked my moves exactly. Only she was faster and, apparently, much more physically fit. Honestly, you¡¯d think that a Princess that spent her entire life pampered by everyone wouldn¡¯t be such a monster in the stamina department.


    ¡°Only if we first got to know each other better! As it is, we¡¯ve only known each other for an hour or two at best!¡± I leapt over some crates that had been left out overnight. The sound of the boxes splintering made me look behind me. ¡°Oh what the fuck.¡± I gasped as the Princess had smashed her way through them. That wasn¡¯t normal people strength at work, something was more than a bit off here.


    ¡°My love, I¡¯m more than willing to get to know you as intimately as possible!¡± She cried out without sounding the least bit exerted. I envied her, my breath was beginning to run ragged and my legs felt like they had been dipped in molten lava.


    ¡°And normally I¡¯d be totally down with that!¡± I cut into another side street lined with buildings and raced down the length of it before being forced to stop. A building stood in front of me shrouded in darkness, the herald to my doom. A dead end. I swear I could feel my heart skip a beat, or ten, at that moment. Slowly, I turned around and faced the entrance of the street


    ¡°We are destined to be together my hero. My love.¡± She grinned as she made her way towards me with slow, tantalizing steps. She had me cornered with nearly no viable options left to escape. I briefly considered tackling her legs out from under her and making my escape in the ensuing chaos. But if those boxes she barreled through were any indicator, that plan would be doomed to fail. ¡°Why bother fleeing from the inevitable?¡±


    ¡°Because I¡¯m just not ready for such a commitment at this point in my life.¡± I stood tall in defiance as she stopped directly in front of me. Hunger burned within her eyes. A true man faces his fears with his head held high, not that I held my head too high, the Princess was a bit shorter than me after all. And never mind the shaking legs, thats just the adrenaline wearing off. Kaithlyn then reached out with a hand and stroked my face in a loving caress.


    ¡°Sometimes, beloved, destiny is forced upon us. As it was for me when you barged into my room. My dazzling hero¡­¡± Before I could even utter a word, she rushed forward and stood upon her toes to reach my face with her own. Our lips locked as she stared deeply into my eyes with ferocious passion. The gripping fear that I felt overpowering at such close range. Mustering all my courage and strength, I pushed her away.


    ¡°No¡­we shouldn¡¯t¡­¡± I gasped as she giggled and tried pressing herself right back into another kiss. Her hands ran down the back of my dress and firmly grabbed my buttocks. I wanted to weep from how unclean I felt from her touch. But as the Jersey Boys once sang, big girls don¡¯t cry. Not that I was a girl, dammit I had to get out of this dress, it was affecting my mental state. ¡°I don¡¯t even know how old you are.¡±


    Kaithlyn smiled as she pinched my rear, causing me to yelp out in surprise. ¡°If you must know, my love, I am sixteen cycles old!¡± She grinned. No wonder my body broke out in a chill whenever I was in Kaithlyn¡¯s presence, it instinctively knew she was jail bait.


    ¡°Oh hell no.¡± I¡¯ve heard rumors that when faced with extreme duress, the body¡¯s muscles can go superhuman. One example would be allowing a single person the ability to lift a car to save someone else. In that moment, my desire to not go to jail was so great that I easily plucked myself from the Princess¡¯ perverse clutches.


    ¡°My love why won¡¯t you return my feelings?!¡± She cried out in dismay as I pushed her away.


    ¡°Because I don¡¯t want to go to jail! No means no! You¡¯re too young to get involved with!¡± I firmly stated as I wagged my finger at her.


    ¡°¡­And how old do I have to be for you to accept me?¡± She raised a brow towards me and crossed her arms.


    ¡°Eighteen.¡± I sighed and walked away. I knew that even though sixteen was technically legal in many states, it never held up in court. The sound of rapid footsteps approached behind me and I felt a pair of hands wrap their way around my right arm.


    ¡°Then in two years time I shall make you mine, my love. You will find that I can be quite the patient woman.¡± The Princess sighed happily at my side and leaned her head upon my arm. I didn¡¯t have it in me to tell her that I was planning on peacing out as soon as I offed the Demon Lord. Nor did I have the heart to tell her that she still faintly smelled of piss from her fall in my room.

 Chapter 8: Temptation

    Together the Princess and I walked through the dimly lit streets of the city¡¯s commoner district. My arm was currently entangled in both of her own as she leaned against me as we made our way back towards the inn. She smiled up at me and pressed my arm against her lacking chest provocatively. If she meant to tempt me, she¡¯d soon learn that I have an iron will and am immune to such charms. Mostly because there was nothing to charm me with. Besides, my mind was more focused on the feeling that we were being watched rather than the feeling of her nigh-nonexistent bosoms.


    ¡°So how did you find out we were staying at Burson¡¯s?¡± I asked the Princess in an attempt to distract her from trying to distract me.


    ¡°Simple, my love. I asked if anyone had seen four well-dressed women wandering around. They pointed me in your direction. Its not often four noblewomen walk around the common district, especially without guards.¡± She smiled up at me, ¡°If you truly didn¡¯t want to be remembered, you should have stolen a carriage from the castle.¡±


    ¡°Just what I wanted on my list of crimes in this Kingdom. Harold Lisbe, wanted for assault, aiding and abetting known criminals, breaking out of an institute of the law, and grand theft equine.¡± Kaithlyn laughed as I finished my list of felonies.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry my love, I won¡¯t let them take you from me. Thats why I sought you out in the first place.¡± Her face turned serious. ¡°My father wants to kill you.¡±


    ¡°Really? You don¡¯t say.¡± Alas, my sarcasm fell short upon the Princess¡¯ ears.


    ¡°Indeed.¡± She nodded. ¡°When I heard him threaten to kill you I knew I couldn¡¯t sit idly by and let you face him alone. So I came to help you kill him.¡±


    I stopped in my tracks and rooted around in my ear with a finger and flicked some wax at some homeless guy sleeping in the street. I could¡¯ve sworn I had just heard something so completely crazy that I don¡¯t think I¡¯d ever hear it again. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, what did you just say?¡±


    ¡°I want to help you kill my father. Its the only way you¡¯ll be safe from him, and the only way we¡¯ll ever be together.¡±


    I stared directly into her eyes. There was no hesitation in her voice, no hint at having second thoughts. Kaithlyn was completely determined to love me, even if it meant killing her own father. In all my life, I have met many girls. But never once had one ever offered to kill her own father for me. In fact, I don¡¯t think any woman at any point in time had said those very words. I was deeply honored by her love, and more than a little afraid of it at the same time.


    ¡°You want to kill your father¡­for me?¡±


    ¡°If that is what it takes, yes.¡± She nodded firmly.


    ¡°Kaithlyn.¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°No girl has ever offered to kill her father for me¡­¡± I was actually starting to tear up at the thought of such devotion. I finally knew why people sang those stupid love songs that are always on the radio. ¡°I think I love you.¡± I stated as I grasped her hands in my own. She gasped with wide eyes. A radiant smile rapidly covered her face as she once more tangled herself around my arm. Just as she began to lean on me once more, a group of thuggish looking men walked out in front of us from a side street. Loud footsteps came from behind as well. We were surrounded, the poor bastards.


    ¡°Aww, lookit what we got here boys. Two girls arm ¡®n arm like lovers.¡± The lead thug spoke who looked just as dirty as he sounded.


    ¡°Sorry buddy.¡± I stated pointing towards myself. ¡°Not a girl.¡±


    ¡°Eh? You some kind of freak, guy?¡± the leader asked as sneers sounded all around.


    ¡°The fuck you gonna do if I am?¡±


    ¡°Harold.¡± Kaithlyn whispered, ¡°You take the ones in the front. I¡¯ve got the back.¡± I squeezed her hand in confirmation. Not only did she suggest killing her father for me, she was also down for a street brawl. Shame she was too young for me, I was seriously reconsidering my stance on turning away her advances.


    ¡°Well, even if ye are a freak, we¡¯ll let ya go if you hand over the girl.¡± The leader spread his hands out as if presenting an offering of peace. ¡°We¡¯ll take good care of ¡®er.¡± The man and his cronies all around us laughed. Just as I prepared to charge the group in front of me to lay a massive beatdown, the clacking of bones sounded just ahead.


    ¡°Master!¡± Arngrim cried out, ¡°Get away from my master you hooligans!¡± He brandished his massive sword which gleamed dangerously in the dim street light.


    ¡°B-boss!¡± One of the cronies gasped.


    ¡°A skeleton?! Black magic?!¡± The man cried out in fear.


    ¡°Thats right.¡± I laughed. ¡°But I don¡¯t need any spells to beat your asses! Lets go guys! Arngrim, strike with your fists, no need to kill these poor bastards.¡± I ordered my skeletal companion.


    ¡°Screw this!¡± The leader cried out as we readied ourselves. ¡°Lets get out of here boys!¡± In an instant, the entire group of thugs fled into the night. I stood dumbfounded as I watched the group of nine men disappear in the darkness.


    ¡°Master, are you alright?¡± Arngrim asked as he approached me.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine¡­¡± I sighed, ¡°You ruined everything you sack of bones!¡± I cried out as I shook my skeletal servant. "Kaithlyn and I were going to have a lovely evening beating down some thugs together and you ruined it!"


    Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!¡°Perhaps next time, my love.¡± Kaithlyn patted my arm reassuringly.


    ¡°Unhand him you wench!¡± Arngrim shouted as he rushed towards the Princess who proceeded to deck him so hard that his skull went flying.


    ¡°I am no wench!¡± Kaithlyn yelled out as she rubbed her knuckles.


    ¡°Nice punch.¡± I applauded lightly. The night brawl may have prematurely ended, but at least I got to see she could throw a mean punch. A girl that can throw a right hook like that is one to treasure. Shame she was too young for me.


    After collecting Arngrim¡¯s skull, and explaining to him that the Princess was on our side, the skeletal man went down on his knees and begged for forgiveness. After introductions were exchanged, we made our way back to the inn. Once there, I had Arngrim hide in the stable nearby so he wouldn¡¯t scare anyone half to death. While we were in the stable, Kaithlyn took a bag off of a white horse that she said was hers. Not wanting to pry, I shrugged and the two of us proceeded into the inn. As we entered the modest establishment, we both received a stern talking to from a rather red-in-the-face Burson. I totally explained that it wasn¡¯t my fault, and Kaithlyn admitted to acting rather rashly when she heard me in a room alone with another man. She then, with her Princess-y manner, promised to reimburse the man for the damages caused. In fact, we even got a better room out of the deal after he had found out that she was the Princess.


    I whistled as we walked into our new room. A massive bed sat at the far side of the room with a large trunk positioned right at the foot. Fine curtains lined the window that overlooked the street. Compared to my last room, this had to be the penthouse suite. I sat upon the bed expecting straw, and was surprised when it felt far softer and less itchy than the aforementioned filling. Curious, I plucked a small hole in the mattress and found it filled with wool. Talk about fancy.


    My attention from the contents of the bed firmly shifted when I saw the Princess shedding her clothes in a very sensual manner. A knowing smile crossed her face as she watched me watch her. I swallowed hard as she began pulling off her all too tight horse riding pants exposing her perfect pale legs beneath the thin fabric. I did the only thing I could in this situation as she turned around and kicked her leggings away and stood in her underwear provocatively. I prayed.


    ¡°Oh Father who art in Heaven, please guide me in this moment of great need. Oh great Buddha, please show me the path to eternal peace of mind.¡± I began praying to every God I knew just to cover my bases. ¡°Oh Allah- wait, his prophet had a twelve year old as a wife. Wrong God to pray to here. Oh Ra who shines upon the sands of Egypt, please blind me from this sight so that I may not face temptation.¡±


    ¡°What are you doing, my love?¡± Kaithlyn asked as she climbed into the bed next to me and rubbed my shoulders.


    ¡°Praying for salvation.¡± I answered as I finished my last prayer to Galactic Lord Xenu to cease this nuclear explosion that was awaiting inside the volcano in my pants. ¡°You remember what we discussed about bedroom etiquette, correct?¡±


    ¡°Of course, beloved!¡± She gasped in mock surprise. ¡°Why, I was just preparing myself for the night¡¯s slumber is all. I remember our rules. I stick to my side of the bed and you¡¯ll stick to yours.¡±


    I tapped my foot upon the wooden floorboards. ¡°And?¡±


    ¡°And I promise not to do anything while you sleep.¡± She began to pant. ¡°And I promise to¡­to¡­¡± she never finished that promise as she began drooling. This wasn¡¯t going to work, just as I expected. I sighed as I stood up from the bed, separating myself from her attempted seduction. ¡°Are you going to undress, my love?¡±


    ¡°In a minute.¡± I fake promised. ¡°Wait right here.¡± She nodded and I left the room. It was time for plan B. Minutes later, I returned to the room with two lengths of rope. ¡°Lay down on the bed Kaithlyn.¡±


    ¡°Yes my love!¡± She excitedly stated and followed my command. Not wasting a minute, I tied her to the bed just like the second time we had met. ¡° I love it when you tie me up like this, my love¡­¡± Kaithlyn groaned out as I tightened the ropes enough to make sure she couldn¡¯t escape. She stared at me from her position with hungry eyes and I felt that horrible chill rush down my spine once more.


    ¡°Please try to get some sleep Princess. We¡¯ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Are you going to kill my father?¡± She asked seriously.


    ¡°Of course not!¡± I lightly chopped her on the head. ¡°Regicide is the very last option on the list. No, we¡¯re going to escape this city and you¡¯re going to help. I¡¯ve got more pressing issues at hand.¡± Such as earning a favor from a very attractive and very legal Goddess, but she didn¡¯t need to know about that.


    With that done, I walked as far from the bed as possible and laid down upon the hard wood surface. It wasn¡¯t the most comfortable thing to lay upon, but definitely not the worst I¡¯ve experienced. Besides, it was only for one night. After my escape I¡¯d have to find some way to ditch this lustful Princess so I could seek out the Demon Lord free of the fear of being sexually assaulted by a minor.


    ¡°Harold, my love?¡± Kaithlyn asked in a sweet voice from the bed.


    ¡°Yes Kaithlyn?¡±


    ¡°These ropes may be stopping me from doing something to you¡­but whats stopping you from doing such to me? Especially with me so helpless before you¡­¡± She spoke suggestively.


    ¡°I have faith.¡± I spoke with a conviction that I didn¡¯t feel.


    ¡°Faith? In the Goddesses?¡± She asked in surprise.


    ¡°No. I have faith in Ghandi. That man tested his resolve by sleeping in the middle of a large group of young naked women. If he can do that, then I can handle just one!¡± I desperately prayed that I was right. I could feel the sweat running down my face. Kaithlyn didn¡¯t help things by constantly moving about on the bed and groaning in a very salacious manner, which caused my mind to erupt in impure thoughts. I lasted a whole five minutes before I had to excuse myself and went to go sleep in the stables with Arngrim.


    That night, for the first time in awhile, I didn¡¯t find myself in the presence of the Goddesses. No, instead I faced a dream far worse. I dreamt of a once peaceful world bathed in nuclear fire with Ghandi laughing maniacally as he damned us all.