《The Random Romps of Reckless Randy》


 The Romps Begin

    Prologue -


    The village of Noobershire was a peaceful place (relatively) and consisted of but a handful of small, wooden buildings, one church of stone dedicated to Aerin the god of order, the decidedly larger town hall, and a wooden palisade which separated the town from the acres of fields around the perimeter. This is where our story begins, and depending on the whims of fate, may be where it ends as our "hero" seems to have gotten himself into quite the predicament, let''s take a look.


    "Stop right there villain!" commanded a dashing young lad clad in the finest of platemails, greatsword in hand, "I''ll stand for your misdeeds no longer!"


    Ahh, what a sense of justice, quite rare in these parts, how refreshing, unfortunately this suave, gentelmanly, paragon of justice named Hiro Protnist is not our man. No, we''re looking for the slightly dirty, rather shifty, scamp currently being chased by the aforementioned greatsword wielding warrior of justice.


    "C-come on Hiro," stuttered our hero, Randy, "it was just a joke! How was I supposed to know you would get jealous if I stole Kyra''s panties and not yours?"


    At this point Randy quite cleverly sped up as his words briefly stunned Hiro before driving him into a blood-thirsty rage. Suffice to say, Randy is not enjoying being chased by a now beet red murder tank, but upon hindsight, stealing the underwear of said tank''s girlfriend was never going to end well. That being said, this chase is almost a daily occurance as the two are often at loggerheads, and Randy frequently does his best to make a fool of Hiro. Speaking of which, looks like Hiro''s day is about to get a whole lot worse.


    After a couple of sharp turns, Randy leads Hiro down a narrow alley near the outskirts of town, Hiro, still absolutely furious at Randy, fails to notice the trip wire that was pulled taught right in front of him. Needless to say, as he hit said trip wire, his lower body ceases forward movement, his upper body, on the other hand, proceeds, slamming Hiro''s face against the ground with a quite disgusting crunch, knocking him unconscious.


    "Yes!" cried Randy, "hahaaa! The plan worked! You guys can come on out now."


    At this point, four figures emerge from behind a pile of boxes stacked at the edge of the alley, one of the figures, standing at least a head and a half over the others, was holding one end of the trip wire. As they step foreward, their faces can be seen more clearly, in the lead is a thugish looking half-orc, with bulging muscles, and a chipped greatsword strapped to his back. Next up is a pair of twin elves of average height, blonde hair, and blue eyes, the one on the right is wearing a patched robe and holding a cracked staff, the other is clad in rusty chain mail and holding a wooden club. Finally, there is a dwarf with a rather short, dark beard, bald head, dressed in huntsman''s garb, and holding a surprisingly nice crossbow.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "Excellent!" shouts the half-orc, giving Randy a fist bump, "Now we get to loot this asshole, shame his armor is too small for me to wear."


    "Tch," snorts the elf wearing the chain mail, "and it''s too large for me, figures. But at least we can sell it for some good coin."


    "Oi!" calls the dwarf, " Let''s knab ''is stuff ''n go. We''re in deep shite if ''e wakes up."


    "Always the sensible one aren''t you," mutters the staff wielding elf, rolling his eyes, "but you have a point, let''s get one with it."


    The greedy, and slightly morally deficient party proceeds to strip Hiro of everything even remotely valuable before leaving him in the alley almost completely naked, with only his girlfriend''s underwear covering his privates. The group then heads towards the stables outside town, where they purchase a ride on the next carriage to the capital using the coin looted from Hiro, and begin their adventures in earnest. My, my, what could possibly go wrong with these five, super responsible, twenty-something year olds, loosed upon the world.


    Author''s Note:


    So in case you didn''t notice, I didn''t include the other party members'' names in the prologue, and I actually have a reason for that. You see, when close friends are talking it isn''t very common for them to talk like "Hello, [insert name here], what are you doing?" etc. Instead, if there are any characters who I introduce in the chapter, I will be including their names and a description down here, regardless of whether their name was given in the chapter or not.


    Randy Dragons: The protagonist of our story, average height, brown hair, brown eyes, takes the role of the rogue in the party


    Hiro Protnist: A young warrior who works for the temple to Aerin, long blonde hair, blue eyes, "dating" the inn-keeper''s daughter


    Kyra Verish: The inn-keeper''s daughter, very beautiful, black hair, green eyes,finds Hiro annoying and wishes that he would leave her alone


    Grosh-bagg: A half-orc, grey-ish skin, 7ft 11in tall, extremely muscular, wields a worn greatsword (now uses Hiro''s), and take the roll of the warrior in the party


    Thecountair Taup: The elf twin that wears a robe and wields a staff, blonde hair, blue eyes, slightly shorter than Randy, takes the roll of the mage in the party


    Acountair Taup: The other elf twin, worship Aurim and Argentia the twin gods of wealth, takes the roll of the cleric in the party


    Greg McFlinnyister: A very young (by dwarf standards) dwarf, 4ft 5in tall, very stout, wields crossbows and other such mechanical items, all self-created, takes the roll of the hunter in the party

 A Welcome to Random

    Deep within the Thradean forest, an old, yet sturdy, two-horse carriage could be seen meandering along a rather poorly up-kept road, freaquent potholes dotting the surface. Yet, a pothole was not generally considered "dangerous," no, that title was reserved for the likes of bandits, monsters, and most certainly monster bandits, not unlike the ones who have set up a road block not far ahead. That being said, a roadblock is only truly effective if the target doesn''t know it''s coming, and as it turns out, these "monster bandits" forgot to clean up after their last target, allowing the carriage a chance to flee, not that they managed to escape detection either.


    "SHIT! WHICH USELESS FUCKS LEFT THE TRASH OUT!" bellowed a heavily muscled, red skinned, two horned, figure, much larger than the rest of the bandits. The surrounding monsters all proceeded to point at eachother randomly in an inconclusive attempt to void themselves of any responisbility in the matter, the boss was not amused.


    "Nevermind you useless magots!" commanded the bandit boss, a vein throbbing in his forehead, "Just go kill those bastards!"


    Following the order, a rather sizeable horde of began pursuit of the carriage at a speed most definitely beyond what is humanly possible, which is to say, they were gaining on the fleeing carriage. Speaking of which, turns out that potholes may actually fall under the lable of "dangerous" after all, because hitting one at a rather great speed, such as the carriage did, results in some unfortunate events. Most importantly, and unfortunately, though is that the carriage lost control, quite quickly left road, and discovered that carriages cannot (under these circumstances) phase through trees. Thankfully, though, most everyone inside the carriage was unharmed aside from some bruises, the driver, on the other hand, discovered that his body is quite allergic to body slamming an oak tree at high speeds.You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    "What the hell!?" cried Randy, crawling out of the battered carriage, "Hey Gramps! What''s going on? Gra- oooh... that''s not good."


    About 500 yards down the road, a rather sizeable, and quite bloodthirsty horde containing all manner of demons and creatures of murder-death could be seen charging at full speed towards the carriage, the much larger head demon could be seen in the lead, wielding a massive warhammer. Needless to say, this situation is not very favorable to Randy and crew, but, as it turns out, potholes are just as dangerous to demon hordes as they are to carriages, as it only took the tripping of the lead demons before the entire group was in a giant pile of angry and ugly. Which, of course, created the perfect opportunity for our Random Rompers to escape into the forest during the confusion, quite effectively giving the demons the slip.


    However, things weren''t over yet, for at this point, the driver "Gramps" peels himself off of the oak tree, a halo of energy flashing around him, rage in his eyes. He lifted his arm, crackling with divine light, and an explosion of utmost radiance engulfed the horde, the sound audible for hundreds of miles, the light, thousands. The bandits cease to exist, no trace of their being to be found, yet Gramps cannot be seen either, who knows what truly happened. Certainly not Randy, nor any of his friends, who unanimously decided to speed up following the cataclysmic event that transpired in their immediate vicinity. Thus, they headed deeper into the woods, unaware of what could be awaiting them, unaware of the evil they now face.