《Disconnected》 Chapter 0: The End Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. -John F Kennedy, 35th U.S. President I sat comfortably in the black leather seat of my dad¡¯s car, the quiet hum of the engine numbing me to everything outside. I drummed against the steering wheel as punk-rock blasted over the stereo. Even if I was stuck on I-75, any peaceful, solitary moment like this was welcome. Warm sunlight streamed in through the tinted windows, caressing my pale skin. The drive home from my school was a long, uneventful one, but a welcomed break between classes and wasting my time gaming. Unbeknownst to me, however, my peaceful rides home were about to come to an abrupt end. Right as the chorus of the song was about to end, I felt a strong impact from behind. ¡®Oh dammit, the insurance company is somehow going to find me at fault for this.¡¯ I lamented. Even a cut-and-dry case like getting rear ended was a pain, especially for a 17-year-old high school student. These thoughts rushed through my mind propelled by frustration that quickly found itself replaced by confusion. I didn¡¯t feel the signature jerk back that the seat belt would always give me as the car came to a rapid stop. I heard a quiet clicking sound, and felt the world drop out from under me. My soft car seat relinquished me to the skies as my body rushed forward, my skull crashing through the thick glass of the windshield. I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my scalp as the impact darkened my vision. As the world faded around me, the last thing I saw was a musclebound man slamming the door of his SUV next to my immobilized car, running towards my door. His fingers frantically tapped against the screen of his phone as he attempted to make a call, presumably for an ambulance. The world slowed down around me, and the sound of shattering glass only jolted my consciousness back for moments before the world faded around my limp body. -------------------------------- My lungs took in a burning gulp of air as I jolted upward, shaking as I looked around me. The walls were¡­ white. The ceiling was white. The lights were colorless. The room was desperately sterile, filled with strange machinery and nothing else. ¡®Ugh, my head¡­¡¯ Trying to remember what brought me to this place only yielded an intolerable headache. A man in an equally sickeningly monotonous white coat pushed the sliding door to the side, casually walking into the room with his clipboard. ¡°Good morning, Mr. Grant. If you are in any condition to answer them, I¡¯d like to ask you a few questions.¡± He greeted inoffensively at best, though he seemed apathetic. ¡®Wait¡­ morning? Last I remembe- gh!¡¯ As I tried to recall, I once again was greeted by the pressure mounting in my head, beating against my consciousness and tearing apart my attempts to recollect. ¡°By all means.¡± I responded quietly. ¡®At least my vocal cords work, it seems.¡¯ I sighed in relief - not all of me had gone totally defunct. ¡°Mr. Grant, you were brought here in an ambulance from what should have been a minor car accident. The man who was next to you in the left lane at the time of the incident tells us that you were rear-ended, but flew forward into your windshield.¡± The doctor droned on, taking a short break between sentences to adjust his round glasses. ¡°We found and extracted over three hundred fragments of glass embedded in your head. How much of this is news to you?¡± As he detailed the event, forcing me back to the second it occurred, I felt that same pressure upon my head again, accompanied by a terrible stabbing feeling forcing its way from my neck up through the back of my head. Beads of sweat formed upon my head and I gripped the blanket over me as if it were going to run away. The constant beeping of the heart monitor I was hooked up to began to accelerate. ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t recall. I can¡¯t remember anything.¡± I gave up, furious with my own weakness. ¡°Thank you, Mr. Grant. I only have one more question for you, if you are still in any condition to answer it.¡± ¡°Yes, I¡­ I¡¯m fine.¡± I responded with gritted teeth, fully aware that I wasn¡¯t. ¡°If you say so,¡± the doctor began, ¡°what is 13 times 27?¡± I completely stopped in surprise. Out of anything he could have asked, there is little that could have surprised me more than this. ¡°Sure, it¡¯s¡­ uh¡­¡± Simple mental math. I was already in statistics class, there was no way I couldn¡¯t answer this two-digit multiplication. However, as I tried to solve it, my vision began to replace itself with a pale grey blind spot. I felt¡­ blocked. As I thought harder, my head rebounded with greater pain. As I attempted yet again, I felt noticeably more as if I had taken a knife straight through my skull and into my brain.The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. I shook as I gave the least taxing response I could give. ¡°I¡­ can¡¯t.¡± It felt as if I was admitting defeat. The words dried my throat as they left, carrying with them the last bit of hope I had. ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± I mumbled with a choked sob. I was reduced to nothing. ¡®I can¡¯t.¡¯ I retreated into my head, staring down upon my dehydrated, deathly pale hands. I couldn¡¯t even speak. ¡®I can¡¯t.¡¯ I couldn¡¯t what? It had already escaped from my mind, and yet it continued. ¡®I can¡¯t.¡¯ If I couldn¡¯t do that which I was made to do, what was I worth? I had been left with nothing, a broken mind trapped in a worthless body. ¡®I can¡¯t.¡¯ The dreaded words echoed through my head, haunting me and filling me with dreadful frustration. ¡®I can¡¯t.¡¯ The world blurred, receded, and disappeared into a foreboding black void around me. ------------ I sat in a chair across from the man who had spoken to me earlier. He seemed different, somehow. He had shifted, not only in his expression, but in his entire imposing demeanor, from disconnected apathy to pity and concern. ¡°Hello, Mr. Grant. We¡¯re here to send you into the MRI machine. This is a Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine, and we¡¯re going to try to use it to figure out how to get your brain back to normal. Is that alright with you?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I muttered passively. Even if it was my last chance at ever deserving the spot I had earned at MIT, my hopes weren¡¯t high. The unabated disaster my life was quickly becoming seemed to have no easy escape. They laid me down on the white cushions of the table that extended out of the machine. It felt cramped, even before they pushed me into the dark cave of magnetic doom with my entire body restrained. As I slid in, I closed my eyes, awaiting the deafening noise of the rotating coil. ------------ The months passed as if a blur. I sat in the same hospital bed as the refreshing green of spring gave way to the sweltering, arid summer. ¡°I want to see my parents¡­¡± I mumbled to myself. I knew that I couldn¡¯t - the doctors insisted that I was in an ¡®unstable condition¡¯ and that talking to them would ¡®endanger my mental stability.¡¯ I didn¡¯t particularly listen, I just found it funny that they thought I had any stability left at all. The days disappeared from my life, and yet I did not heal. The further through time I was so haphazardly tossed by its unfeeling progression, the further I fell into the depths of terrifying loss and despair. If ever a man could be said to have become lost, it would be me. Unable to predict the future, my knowledge consigned to an inaccessible past with a present as meaningless as it was agonizing. As time passed, it lost all meaning. I had been reduced to no more than a captive audience to the withering remains of my own life. Perhaps I had not expected my patience to run out so quickly. Perhaps it was gone, and I had run only on the lies I told myself. Hope was gone. My run on this Earth had ended many months ago, when the only driving force in my life lost its function. When I was left bereft of all of the comforts of my life, of all of my hope for the future, and even of my own family. I shut and barricaded the door to my room before rummaging through the desk, quickly finding what I desired. The cold metal felt especially icy against the tips of my fingers as I held it up to examine. Just a small, sharp shard of metal was enough to provide me salvation, freedom from this everlasting despair. I desired nothing more, I held nothing I did not wish to shed from my mind or body. The icy lightning pain of finality was so incomprehensibly different from the chronic burning of loss. Deprived of all my other senses, I could feel the knife¡¯s touch as it severed and tore through strands of muscles. I trembled as I broke through my radial artery and hit the bone, finally spelling the rapid end of my own life. My vision dyed itself as red as the blood which poured in incredible quantities from my haphazardly opened wrist. I looked up, taking my concentration away from my quickly draining body. I heard a faint, yet frantic banging on the door to my room. Outside of the small window flailed a woman with long, curled brown hair and a dreadfully familiar face stained with the blood of fear, longing, and despair. Frigid tendrils of regret found their way through my draining veins and constricted my wretched heart. My red-stained hand picked itself up pathetically, yet with great determination as it reached for the door, splayed open and unable to grasp at the figure that so desperately cried for me to return to her. Her cheeks, wrinkled and pale with stress, were assaulted by her tears as she shouted mundanely through the thick pane of glass. Her once beautiful hazel eyes were swollen from her crying. She fought as if for her own life and not for the life of her worthless son. I smiled a tired, defeated smile as the cold feeling of death embraced my arms and legs, freeing them of their mortal burden. As blackness consumed my vision, I mouthed three words to her. It would never be enough to atone for this horrible crime I have committed, for this terrible pain so many times worse than my own that I have inflicted, but it was the only thought, the only feeling, the only thing left in my mind that I knew was truly and completely my own. ¡®I love you.¡¯ Chapter 1: The Descent A text of Tibetan Buddhism describes the time of death as a unique opportunity for the spiritual liberation from the cycles of death and rebirth and a period that determines our next incarnation. -Stanislav Grof, psychiatrist As the icy cold and endless darkness of death embraced me, a cold and unfeeling void washed over my body and purged the pain from it. The sensation of the ever present bed that I had lived my un-life from had faded away. My life¡¯s slow undoing finally came to a quiet, anticlimactic end. There was no incomprehensible, omnipresent being here to greet me and shake my hand. No beautiful afterlife was there to comfort me, absolve me of my sin, and free me from my mortal restraints. I was truly alone. It was at this point that I made an uplifting, wonderful discovery: my damaged brain no longer restricted my thought. I was finally free to once again explore the far reaches and uncharted depths of my own imagination. There was nothing I could desire more. As quickly as my own peaceful reunion with myself had come, it departed. This time, though, it did so painlessly. The blackness became a mind-numbing bright white that strained against my eyes and fought away my obsidian blanket. I found myself totally apathetic, though concerned that my white-coated wardens were refusing to allow my escape and returning me to that fate worse than death. And just like that, I was no longer alone. I lay upon a table, unable to clearly see the ceiling which stood over me. Even so, I could see dirty, uneven coloring that filled me with hope and relief. I had not returned to that place. I would never return to that place. The emotions that I had so tirelessly suppressed returned with a vengeance. Everything that had withered away, beaten back by a torturous, artificially extended life - all of my fears, my hopes, my frustrations, my attachments - snapped back into place as if they had never left me. Through my dysfunctional senses, I could feel tears escaping from my eyes. I did not wish to stop them, though. My piercing wails were a remnant of and a testament to the life I had lived and lost. I felt as if, in my own comically dysfunctional way, I was shouting to whatever being had cursed me so: ¡°I¡¯m still here, fucker! You¡¯re delusional if you thought I would give up with just that!¡± I decided not to address the fact that I had essentially given up on life some uncountable number of minutes ago. As I was reveling in that which had returned to my soul at long last, a voice broke through the shell my thoughts had formed around my mind. The voice was a man¡¯s: deep, at least middle-aged. ¡°Polemos, come quickly!¡± He shouted giddily in the other direction, presumably toward a doorway. ¡°What is it?! Is Elly alright?!¡± Another deep, gruff voice responded. He was almost laughably anxious: it was clear that he cared about this ¡®Elly¡¯ figure deeply. His wife, perhaps? His heavy footsteps shook the floor as his obscured figure dashed through the doorway, stopping right by my side. His face constantly rotated, darting between me and something on the other side of me that was out of my field of view. No matter how I turned my head, I could not sate this curiosity. Finally, he forcefully placed his hands against the side of the table, causing me to recoil slightly. ¡°Look in her eyes!¡± He spoke with wonder. Wait¡­ her? Also, why can I still not properly see or move? In response to these questions, I lifted my hand. Though I couldn¡¯t see much, I could see that my palm was fat and my fingers were stubby. I was, without a question, in an infantile body, extremely likely a female one. I set down my hand as if operating a puppet, and looked up to find two faces staring down upon me, wide-eyed. ¡°They look like the night sky!¡± The female, likely Elly, said in wonder. ¡°They¡¯re beautiful.¡± The man remarked. ¡°So, what do we name her?¡± ¡°I have just the right one!¡± Elly said excitedly. ¡°Estera, of the falling stars!¡± Polemos jumped up in excitement. ¡°Wonderful!¡± ---------- Life went on slowly. As we settled into normal life, I found myself constantly at Elly¡¯s side. Polemos was only home for one in every ten days. The other nine, Elly seemed¡­ not to be herself. She preoccupied herself with my care - I still hadn¡¯t full control over my senses or body, so it was necessary to be bathed, fed, and otherwise cared for. It was terrible, frustrating, patronizing, and a million other things I can¡¯t begin to describe, but it also filled me with immense gratitude. She was a an immovable figure of untold patience, and her grace and compassion made me relieved and joyful simply to be around her. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. The melancholy that invaded everyday life was too much to disregard, though. My father was a dutiful guard of the city, and my mother was cursed to see her beloved for only a tiny fraction of their time, though I was certainly aware that they made the most of both their days and nights together. Surely I was enough to keep her loneliness at bay, but not enough to quell it. Still, it seems that I am without sight. I cannot see her expression, I can only feel it in her stiff, anxious arms as she holds me against her. There is one thing, though, that I can see with brilliant clarity. A brightly colored light surrounds and flows through her body. This fills me with excitement and hope. I have reason to believe that this world is one with access to the wonders of magic. With unending determination, I set about to testing all sorts of different potential systems of magic. I used the little time I wasn¡¯t supervised to draw utterly ineffective magic circles, and quickly gave up. I spoke quiet incantations to myself to no avail. I flailed my arms around arbitrarily, eliciting nothing but the joyful laughs of Elly. Learning magic was like learning to walk, in that I was utterly failing at both. My weight, my center of balance, and my strength and lack thereof were all nearly impossible to get used to, leaving me lamenting my own pathetic weakness. ---------- The warm, golden sun rose over the mountainous horizon and hung over our land, the warm embrace of its rays bringing comfort and prosperity before it relinquished us once again to the depths of darkness. This cycle continued into a blur, and before I knew it, I nearly looked like I was just a small version of a regular human being. I could lift my body up using only my legs, and I could stay balanced upon them. Endless trial and error punctuated by falls, bruises, and walls finally had rewarded me with the ability to move myself around the house. My hair had finally grown out, and Elly tied the black strands up into short pigtails at the back of my head. One other revelation had struck me at long last. With much more practice than I had needed to learn to walk, I had devised a basic understanding of the system by which magic functions in this world. That enchanting, flowing aura that blanketed all of the people I saw and seemed to change quality with the weather was a concentration of magical power. It gathered itself and coagulated around everyone, but some people had a bigger, brighter aura than others. I theorized that the bigger one¡¯s aura was, the stronger their affinity for and experience with this magical power. When I closed my eyes and concentrated, some unexplainable feeling followed and I could see and feel power concentrating itself in my body. Only with months of practice was I able to direct the power into only a single part of my body, but from there, it was as if a gateway to a new world of opportunity had quietly cracked open, allowing me a glimpse at the realm of incredible possibilities. When I charged just my palm with concentrated energy, I could use that palm to guide and control the rest of my power. After practicing further still, I could move my abilities out of the magical world and into the physical. When I brought my hand a bit too close to the fire, I could memorize what it felt like and replicate it. After many tries and a few inevitable burns, a tiny flame lit up my finger like the wick of a candle, the heat floating just above my fingertip. It was a wonder just what one could learn with only the gift of uninhibited experimentation. Thus, I familiarized myself with the beauty of magic: its advantages and its limitations were the subject of much rumination and wonder, though I found myself slightly disappointed. My magic could only affect the basics of the natural world: I could impart and take away energy, I could affect matter to a very minimal degree, and I could manipulate basic forces like gravity and electromagnetism. Beyond that, I found myself powerless. Certainly, it seemed like an incredible amount of power, but judging by the fact that even a tiny sliver of flame left me with extreme fatigue, I didn¡¯t have the power to do anything. ---------- ¡°Mama?¡± It was a frustrating, patronizing way to speak, but I feared speaking as I used to would raise concerns and red flags. ¡°Can I go with you?¡± I requested, standing at the door as she stepped down the dirt pathway toward the gray cobblestone-paved road that led through the town. Immediately, her face lit up in excitement. I hadn¡¯t shown any interest in¡­ well, anything. She was probably concerned with my perceived apathy, and this was an opportunity for both of us to, well, get to know each other. ¡°Of course you can, Estera!¡± She said, beckoning me forth. I stepped out of the door and into the bright midday sun, walking slowly. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± I asked, pointing my index finger at a tall, abnormal building. I wouldn¡¯t be wrong in stating that it just didn¡¯t belong - its marble walls ascended far above the roofs of even the the tallest buildings around it. From a dome at the top, it cascaded down into a huge structure that even had the luxury of beautiful, clear windows. ¡°That¡¯s the courthouse.¡± Elly replied. ¡°That¡¯s the building where important men go when they come here, and where they keep all of the money.¡± ¡°Money?¡± ¡°Yes, money. The courthouse is part of a big kingdom, and it needs money to pay men like your father, who keep us all safe.¡± ¡°If they have so much, why does papa only get ten scarabs a week?¡± Elly laughed at my inquiry. ¡°Papa may be a big strong man, but he¡¯s only one of dozens in our town, and there are hundreds of towns in the kingdom. If papa got more, everyone else would want more, and the king wouldn¡¯t have any money left!¡± She gave a shockingly good explanation of military budgeting to a three-year-old. I was impressed - perhaps my mother was sharper than I had bothered to expect. As we treaded down the uneven path, my mother guided me around a corner. As soon as we turned it, I found myself in the presence of a beautifully lively, bustling road. All around, men and women were scurrying from vendor to vendor, buying up everything from fruits and vegetables to swords and chainmail. The more fortunate among the sellers operated their own buildings, selling wares and foods from their walls and tables. I found myself stopping to collect my thoughts before I had to run and catch up with Elly. Beyond the sea of excitement, though, there stood a single building. It was not tall, only two stories high, but its brick construction and glass windows made it stand out from the simple wooden buildings that surrounded it. Today was not a day that I would get to sate that curiosity, though, as I closely tailed the avid shopper that I lived with. By the time that the noise had faded from my ears, the sun had yet again abandoned us and I was half asleep. Chapter 2: Shock I would argue that nothing gives life more purpose than the realization that every moment of consciousness is a precious and fragile gift. -Steven Pinker, psychologist Seasons passed in the blink of an eye as our benign, peaceful life continued. The diverse colors of autumn surrounded us as a plethora of crops made their way to store baskets, and the first chilling winds of winter swept against us, eliciting shivers of discomfort as the biting cold invaded our thin-walled home. Smoke rose from fire-pits that occupied the yards of many homes. The winter, though, left as quickly as it had arrived. It took its peaceful landscapes of pure, untouched white, its dangerous freezing temperatures, its mesmerizing icicles hanging from the roofs, its cold, dreary days, and its suffocating, paralyzing atmosphere and simply disappeared. The snow and frost melted away as the Spring sun greeted us once again. Flowers of every color blossomed in the vast open fields surrounding the town. Blue water flowed through freshly melted streams, and trees embraced the new warmth with fresh green leaves. The warm embrace of the Sun gradually warped and transformed into a suffocating, vengeful chokehold on the land, its scorching heat beating down upon us day after day, hardly receding as night came to relieve us of its tyrannical rule. Its grasp slowly, carefully lightened though, the exhausted trees losing hold on their fading leaves as they fell to the ground. And thus, the cycle continued. The days that had faded into weeks and months finally found themselves drifting and drowning in the ever-consuming sands of time. Countless moons passed through the star-spotted sky. Eight years passed like this, residents and explorers constantly passing in and out of the dusty border-town. Elly would now send me out to buy our food almost every day, giving me extra money to ¡°take my time and do whatever I wanted¡± whenever Polemos was home, being sure to emphasize the ¡°take my time¡± part. Given her strong concern toward my partial blindness, this was an uncharacteristic suggestion. I shrugged it off, though, supposing that she was just that madly in love. It was on one of these days that I thought it best to simply drop the groceries off at the door and go wandering off into the fields. It was on these dim days in mid-Spring, just before a storm rolled in, that the flowers in the fields that surrounded our little town came to life with their vibrant beauty, a colorful light in the melancholy dimness. I wasn¡¯t much one for flowers, but I enjoyed little more than admiring the beauty of this realm. Besides, it created a wonderful atmosphere for experimenting with my aura. I found myself to be much more productive when in a wide open space, and being outside of the city left me free of the need to oblige the mutterings of children who approached me¡­ though I suppose they were the same age as me. I found my favorite spot with great ease. Just over a small rock face, there stood steadfast a single tree, its leaves spreading widely into the open air above. This spot gave a view of the ocean of swelling waves of hills extending for miles around. Even if my accursed eyes did not let me appreciate their true beauty, simply being in the presence of the vast expanse was fulfilling and relaxing. In my fervent experimentation, I had found that the aura was composed of nearly infinite tiny waves, each one at a different wavelength and affecting something else. This discovery let me find that which I did not understand before: while I was manipulating vast chunks of this aura indiscriminately, all that I could reliably change were the fundamental laws that affected every single one of those waves. Thanks to these eyes of mine, I could easily visualize single waves and amplify, change, or use them as I wished. This was the one sacrifice that helped me on my journey. The great thing about the aura was that it was only a concentration of a reservoir of power that permeated everything. If I took a particularly high-frequency wave, compressed it, and multiplied its energy with power from around me, I could launch it forward and cause a massive dispersion of energy as heat in a small area, causing the rapid expansion and displacement of the gas around it - an explosion, in short. My senses suddenly went completely white. A deafening deep crash shook the ground and shoved against my ears, and a bright white flash took away what little sight I had. Only when I felt ice-cold drops piercing into my sense of touch did I snap out of my shock-induced daze and realize that a storm had begun. More water slowly dripped down from the overfull clouds, and I stood up with urgency. Before the torrential downpour began, I wanted to escape to shelter - if Elly realized that I had soaked the beautiful monochrome dress she had¡­ forced upon me, she would be devastated. Hastily, I slipped down to the cliff face and into a dark hole in the wall. --------- I was left utterly blind as I stumbled down the cave, disoriented. The light had long since disappeared, and I hardly knew which way was up. Thoroughly lost already, I put my hand against a cold, damp stone wall and pressed onward, carefully feeling my way across the narrow, jagged floor. Shortly, I saw pale light reflected against the gray stones of the cave. I ran zealously toward them, hopeful that I had just found my way to freedom. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. Fate wouldn¡¯t have it. As my steps grew faster, they immediately stopped. I didn¡¯t come to a stop, of course, my feet just ceased to find solid ground. The light that I had seen was from a pale blue disc below me. I fell faster, the frigid air stinging my neck whipping against my hair as it swung above me. Soon, that blue circle began to grow, its luminescence multiplying as it did so. Its bright light enveloped me, and I shut and shielded my eyes from the bright light. I rolled across the grass, spitting foul dirt from my mouth and coughing. My eyes still squinting against the powerful brightness, I shakily stood and brushed the dirt from my dress. As I finally managed to open my eyes, I looked around agape, amazed by the scenery. Luminescent blue streams marked the landscape of deep blue grass and trees with pale purple trunks and bark that looked like dragon¡¯s scales. Strange beasts of every size and hue with many different wing shapes drifted lazily along the natural stone walls that seemed to stretch on forever. Islands of rock floated lazily in the air, and the streams of blue ended in inverted waterfalls that seemed to disperse into nothingness before their hopeful streams managed to reach into the darkness that lay¡­ above? Below? I actually couldn¡¯t tell which way was up. Once the awe of the shocking change in scenery had worn off, I realized that I was hardly breathing. I had to force the air in and out of my lungs, my limbs felt too heavy to move, walking was agonizingly slow, and even turning my head felt like trying to unscrew a rusty nut. This was exactly what it felt like when I had overused magic before. Near-total immobility and slow, one-track thinking restricted what I could do. I felt as if a ten-ton weight was crushing down on my body. I trudged towards one of the bright riverbanks, dropping to my knees and bringing my hands into the water. Its rejuvenating flow brought life back into my eyes and let my hands move once more. ¡®I had expected the water to help me replenish my motor functions, but this is¡­ unexpected.¡¯ I remarked to myself. I focused on my aura and found the reason for this immediately. What I had consumed was not ordinary water, but water so inundated with magical energy that it might as well be the liquid form of magic. Excited by this discovery and its incredible amplifying effect on my aura, I decided to follow the water upstream and see where it originated, and what the source of its power was. ---------- The walk was not long. This place seemed to be quite confined, which made the dense energy all the more stifling. As I walked along the bank, the luminescence of my aura seemed to grow boundlessly, though it lost its color as it did. Finally reaching the source, I found it to be a spring. Hot water and energy infused with each other as they rose from the depths of the planet, springing up and vaporizing, dispersing the power into the air. I felt a paralyzing, cold shiver creeping up my spine as an aggressive low growl met with my ears. I whipped around, preparing to launch a conflagrating mass of energy at the beast. As it rapidly gathered in my hand, though, I felt a burning yet freezing sensation. The agony that fought its way through my body originated in my now-ruptured shoulder, in which there was a long, jagged spike. Its color was pure, soulless black, much alike the skin of the beast that now circled me, as if judging what way was best to kill me. Suddenly, I felt nothing. That same icy feeling that I was all too familiar with slipped back into my body as sneering, ¡®you could never escape!¡¯ My blurred sight seemed to vaporize, overpowered by the pure black that now surrounded me. That same solitude once again overcame me. The pain that had invaded my body and stopped my mind was real. The body that my mind found itself trapped within was not some puppet I was relegated to controlling. My soul had been wasting away in a corner of my mind, an unfeeling spectator to a life that I was, by all accounts, taking for granted. There were no more second chances, I had already been granted one of those too great to measure. If I continued on in this unconscious state, toying around with the world and not taking it seriously, I would very quickly find myself without a place. The world had not abandoned me. I had abandoned it. My life spent unliving ended this very moment, as the black veil upon my world curled back. My pain was numbed no longer, but I did not mind. If I still felt that burning agony, I still had a chance. I had died once already, and this didn¡¯t feel anything like that. I was free, and I was myself. The vessel for my soul mattered not, I was bound to this desperate struggle to survive the moment I was created. As I snapped back out of the dark depths of my own mind, I found myself just a few feet away from a snarling, furious black quadruped, its features indiscernible on its pure black body. It took immense focus to bring my mind away from the pain that clawed at the back of my mind, but as I did, I gathered magical power in my hand. The water of the river ran dry as the energy bonded to it gathered over my hand. With furious vigor, I concentrated it all into a single point of pure black energy and threw it into the ground below the beast. Within an instant, it was over. The extreme instantaneous gravitational force went far beyond flattening my enemy and completely obliterated it, tearing apart its constituent matter into rubble. My hands shook, and I collapsed to my knees, my chest rising and falling with ragged, tired, yet terrified breaths. My exhaustion after using such an intense, taxing spell compounded with the painfully cold feeling spreading outward from my pierced shoulder to nearly completely immobilize. It took every ounce of willpower in my body to drag myself to the river. I arrived at the edge of the water that flowed along apathetically, and gripped the spine that had embedded itself in my flesh. My clammy, sweating palm grabbed the base of the sharp implement, tearing it out as if ripping off a bandage. Hurriedly, I removed the torn and bloodied garment that covered me, dipping into the crystal-clear water to hopefully clean out the stab wound. As soon as I slipped into that stream, though, the blood ceased to flow from my terrifying wound. Water seemed to change course toward my injury, and I immediately saw my pale skin regain its color¡­ somewhat. It took on an almost otherworldly gray hue. I felt as if I looked undead, though this color was obviously different from the deathly white color it had taken on just seconds earlier. Perhaps it wouldn¡¯t be bad to spend a few more days down here. I had a lot to learn. Chapter 3: Whispers From the Abyss ¡°Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch¡¯intrate.¡± Inscription on the gate to Hell, Dante¡¯s Inferno Refocusing my mind, I looked around myself and was shocked to find that my aura was blindingly powerful, extending out and flowing around me in vast waves. Looking at myself provided for me a grim reminder. Although my wound had closed, my skin had lost most of its color, leaving me ghastly pale. With the river as my mirror, I inspected myself, admiring my perfect, unblemished and unscarred skin. I spent as much time around this water as possible, using it for sustenance and to increase my power. As I studied it, I found a way to track extremely small objects and particles just by their magical signature, giving me a form of ¡°vision¡± that made up entirely for what I had lost upon coming to this world. With this, I could see everything. The springs of magical water that permeated this underground world, the powerful creatures that lurked in the darkness, and even an incredibly large, yet distant mass far above me. I wasn¡¯t about to subject myself to that power deep below me, though. It took up enough of my time and mind just learning to control my own powers more intuitively. I spent what felt like months just practicing something that should have been basic - telekinesis. Directionally manipulating gravity to move an object in a certain direction was too costly and too hard to control. Moving objects by trying to manipulate their aura from afar was a no-go. From a distance with no connection, it was far too weak to move anything bigger than a pebble. Moving the air around an object was a terrible idea, it was far too inaccurate and nine out of ten times, whatever I was lifting shot straight into my forehead the moment I lost concentration. ¡®Talk about adding injury to insult¡­¡¯ I mumbled to myself, disgruntled. The worst mistake I could make here was calling this ¡®training.¡¯ I wasn¡¯t training, I was fumbling around and messing up. ¡®Experimenting¡¯ would be putting it nicely. It took much longer than I was comfortable with, but I had an epiphany. If I fired a wave of my own aura into the aura of another object, I could then manipulate it as if I were holding it. This meant I couldn¡¯t exactly control things through walls, but I was easily powerful enough to destroy most walls. In a stressful situation, this would be incredibly reliable. By this point, I had built quite a repertoire. I could move objects without touching them, consume the auras of living things, separate and purify materials and elements, spark explosions, and more recently, I had learned to conduct energy with my aura in the form of lightning. Looking at where I was even just before falling into this strange underworld, I had certainly come a long way. The faint glow of my aura had become a powerful luminescent shine that twisted, turned, and flowed at my will. If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. It was jarring and sudden. A shiver went up my spine, and my body lost the ability to hold itself up. ¡®Wh¡­?¡¯ I was unable to get any sound out of my mouth as I gazed out across the ground in shock. What I saw only further numbed my body. To my horror, the sheer cliffs of stone transformed themselves into walls of unliving white. A door formed itself against the white wall. A shadowed figure slammed their fists against the small window in the door. Crimson flowed down the wall like paint, coating everything around me in that terrifying shade of red. I sat up with a start, my heart pounding out of my chest. I gulped for air with ragged, shallow breaths. ¡®Thank god¡­¡¯ I thought as I looked down upon my small, pale hands. My wrists were intact, my mind was¡­ probably intact, and I was free of that place. Only one question was left in my shaken mind. ¡®What the actual fuck was that?¡¯ --------- I¡¯d been plagued by this nightmare constantly for the past few nights. That same hallucination that paralyzed me and sucked me into it was constantly haunting my mind. I didn¡¯t know what it meant, but I knew that I hated dying every time I slept. It was crushing torture, to watch as someone who loved me witnessed my death as the agony I inflicted upon myself destroyed my mind and my body. Once I woke up on the third night of this, I knew i needed to get out. ¡®This place is toying with my mind, grinding away at my sanity.¡¯ I determined, and immediately began my escape. It took very little to make it out. I had come out of the floor, not whatever was above me. That massive ball of energy made it very hard not to remember that. A pit with no discernible end was my destination, and when I found it, I did not hesitate to step into it. However, as I felt that nostalgic sensation of falling, I sensed something. Just a few seconds of falling below me, there was a block. A floor of pure stone awaited me, likely to bring me to my death if I did not slow down. However, I saw no reason to slow down. As I rapidly descended, I charged all the energy I could into my palm and forced it out, firing a massive beam of light and heat into the barrier. Even if the heat didn¡¯t get through it, the sheer force of the air pushing against it would. I shot straight through the hole I punched in the floor and continued on my way to the beautiful blue sky. As I enjoyed a faceful of grass, my tense muscles finally relaxed. Compared to the feeling of suffocation that I felt when I had first landed at the bottom of that pit of despair, I felt as if I could run miles without fatigue. ¡®I didn¡¯t expect that the magic density differential had such a big effect on both sides.¡¯ I ruminated as I felt the massive difference of living on the surface against living on a particularly accommodating pile of rocks halfway down an abyss. After deciding I had enjoyed enough of the hot afternoon with a bright, welcoming golden sun above me, I stood and leisurely strolled back towards home. Walking over hill after hill towards the massive heat signature the town gave off, my steps accelerated into a jog, and then into a run, and by the time I was at the top of the last hill, I found myself sprinting, riding the air as I propelled myself off of the ground. I saw a figure sitting out on the porch, sitting pensively. I knew I recognized her, and as I got close I found that I was indeed running towards my parent, Elpis. ¡°Mother! Mother!¡± I called, but she stiffly stood up, stepping backwards and eventually diving through the door she half-opened. I was heartbroken. My pain was only compounded as I watched her running down the road from afar. ¡°Guards! Guards! Please help me!¡± She cried in terror. Chapter 3-2: Cries from the Abyss ¡°For pride and avarice and envy are the three sparks which set all hearts ablaze.¡± Dante¡¯s Inferno My creaky back ached as I stood up straight, looking over the roofs across town from my station on the stone wall. The chainmail, bow, stock of arrows, and spear I was forced to keep on were weighing down mercilessly on my aged body. I wasn¡¯t about to break from just this, though. I¡¯d been in this here militia for well over two decades, and a little bit of old age weren¡¯t the last enemy I was gonna fight. The piercing scream of a hauntingly familiar voice threw me into action instantly. I ran for the nearest ladder, sliding down and ignoring the splinters it gave me. My chest was poundin¡¯ as fast as my feet were hittin¡¯ the ground. I grabbed the familiar shaft of my spear and pulled it from my back, pointing it to the sky as I ran with it in my hands. It felt like I was there in an instant, but at the same time feared I was too slow. ¡°Elly!¡± I called as I saw her around the corner. ¡°Elly! What happened?!¡± ¡°It¡­ it¡¯s¡­¡± She trembled as she spoke. Her enchanting eyes, surrounded by wrinkles from years of stress and anguish uncovered, were wide as if in shock. I couldn¡¯t rush this. She¡¯d never been this way before. ¡°It¡¯s Estera¡­ I saw her.¡± I froze. It was simply impossible. It had been over ten years since her disappearance, but just hearing the name made those old scars surface. I felt the grip on my spear tighten, and my words couldn¡¯t come out right. ¡°That¡¯s not possible. We wouldn¡¯t even know who she was if she came back.¡± I didn¡¯t want to believe it. I desperately didn¡¯t want to believe it. But just this once, I needed to. It hurt too much to bear. I carried her weight on my back every day, and I carried ten times that weight on my soul. ¡°Where?¡± --------- My boots clashed against the road, kicking up a cloud of dust that trailed into the path the rest of my squad was leaving behind them. Our destination was my home. We were told to be on our guard and ready for anything, but I had no idea what I was supposed to be ready for. As we finally reached the front of my home, I damn near tripped and fell flat on my face.Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. There, right in front of me, was¡­ someone I knew. Her shining black hair had bleached itself and turned a pale shade of purple. She had the pale complexion of a corpse. The dress she had returned in had a stained tear, the same damage that one of our spears would have inflicted. The only thing that was the same was her enchanting pair of eyes. No matter how I looked at it¡­ This imposing presence couldn¡¯t possibly be Estera, could it? It was just impossible. One moment, Elly had sent her out to the market¡­ The next, she was gone. She never came back. Search after search was mounted, and all the while, Elly¡¯s heart was wasting away. I felt my own heart shrink a few sizes as I remembered her face, stricken with worry and guilt. That day, reality had warped itself from a bright, beautiful place to a dim gray pit of loss and shortcomings. ¡°How dare you!¡± I stumbled as I was shocked out of my own mind. The jarringly loud voice of my captain struck me and I looked over to see his face contorted in anger. Looking back to Estera, her eyebrows were raised and her eyes widened in confusion. ¡°If your goal here was to inflict pain, you¡¯ve done well to succeed.¡± He muttered, pulling a wrapped staff from his back. It was a magnificent spectacle, the Captain¡¯s glaive, and it was always a terrifying privilege to watch him unfurl its majesty. A golden ring bound the long, artfully engraved blade to the haft of the weapon. With his forearm, he directed his intents toward Estera. ¡°For the crimes of murdering a loyal guardsman¡¯s child and attempting to return to destroy the rest of her family¡­¡± An aura like that of a phoenix enveloped his body. The rest of us knew that this was no more than a light show - using magic couldn¡¯t possibly have much of an effect on the real world. Such a useless hobby was a target of much wasted time by the Captain, for whatever reason. But with this grandiose presentation, all Estera did was heave a huge, exaggerated sigh. ¡°There really is no reasoning with you, is there?¡± The lack of respect was incredible. This was certainly not the quiet, meek Estera I had raised. The last of my doubts were gone. This was no child of mine. I steeled myself as Captain continued. ¡°You will be punished with death!¡± He exclaimed as he ran forth, glaive in hand and preparing to slash. I was less ready than I thought I was. To watch my own daughter, or even someone who looked like her, be executed¡­ I fell to the ground, curse my weakness. I couldn¡¯t watch, I couldn¡¯t even bear to think about what was going on around me. Tears clouded my sight. My life was taken over once again by these demons. ¡°No--!¡± I heard the panicked cries of my wife. Of course she¡¯d resist, she never wanted to witness her own child dying right in front of her, whether this was Estera or an intruder. Everything went silent. It stayed perfectly still, maybe even tranquil for a few beats too many, and I dared to bring my head up from the ground. Whatever I was witnessing, it was beyond belief. I stared on, breathless in my shock. Chapter 4: From Home ¡°Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.¡± -William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, or What You Will I ran through the rolling hills, trampling flowers underfoot with each light step. Tears stung my eyes and fell down my face. I wouldn¡¯t look back. I couldn¡¯t look back. --------- I sat on that fence as my waiting grew impatient. I kicked out my legs over the wooden barricade, making the knocking and creaking sounds of my heel banging on wood. That noise slowly merged itself with a mass of heavy footsteps beating into the ground from nearby. They were close. I shielded my eyes from the bright glint of the sun against metal as a crowd of dusty, half-armored men approached. Shortly after seeing me, one of the men collapsed. ¡®Is he sick? What happened?¡¯ I made no move to help him, though. He was surrounded by others who could get him to help. To my surprise, nobody made a move to pick him up. I couldn¡¯t clearly make out any of their faces, but even I could read an atmosphere this heavy. ¡°How dare you!¡± My eyes widened. The shiniest of the figures spat his words at me as he stepped forward. ¡®What, is his sickness my fault now? What did I ever do to them?¡¯ I was flummoxed. Did they think I had somehow knocked the guy over from all the way over here? Ridiculous. ¡°If your goal here was to inflict pain, you¡­¡± I stopped listening before he was done speaking. Now, I understood. I was no longer me, I was an imposter in my own body. I had killed me, and left me to die and disappear from memory before coming back to open the wounds of the past. ¡®So that¡¯s it, huh?¡¯ I sighed to myself, ¡®I¡¯ve been erased.¡¯ I was surprised to find that I didn¡¯t feel any sort of sadness or longing anymore. Perhaps that man on the ground who I mistakenly called my father did. I made a mistake, thinking I could return here. They did not miss me, long for me, or mourn for my loss. They felt the pain of losing Estera - some small, reserved child who they wanted to think I was. I was not welcome here. ¡°--!!¡± I opened my mouth to speak, but before I was able to say anything, the leader of their band of buffoons seemed to ignite. Bright arches of fire rose up from his body and collided with the Sun, casting a bright burning light before me and a shadow of pure blackness behind me. The muscular, imposing figure charged at me, a huge bladed weapon pointed straight at my chest. The man¡¯s bright aura had stunned me for just a moment, but with my guard down, I was bound to be impaled. I inhaled sharply as I forced myself to concentrate, locking as much energy as I could muster into my finger, and braced myself. It forced itself forward, just hardly reaching my hand as it went, its sharp edge cutting a paper-thin line across the tip of my index finger before slipping past. When he was finally close enough for me to discern his face, I nearly broke out in laughter. He was shocked and confused as he flew forward, his glaive shooting past my side. The magnetic fields I had made pushed his weapon away, and within an instant he had thrown himself to the ground uncontrollably. ¡°Y-you monster!¡± He shouted, his face so red that it seemed to glow through his poorly-managed goatee. ¡°What did you do?!¡± ¡°I was almost impressed when you pulled off that ridiculous light show. But let me show you¡­¡± I paused momentarily and stretched my hand out towards the man. He backed up on his hands and knees, somewhere between terrified and furious. I didn¡¯t need to bring my hand up to activate anything, but I didn¡¯t want to get hit or stabbed in the face. Stepping away from my normal methods, I used a new magnetic field to pull the weapon towards me, grasping its haft. ¡°Magic is not an accessory.¡± ¡®Heavy¡­¡¯ The spear was far heavier than my body could handle, but I couldn¡¯t stand to just drop it, that¡¯d look un-cool. Instead, I walked slowly towards the head man of the Ironclad Idiots, and tossed the spear toward him haphazardly. ¡°I return this with faith that you won¡¯t level it at me again.¡± I raised my chin as I looked down on his pathetic figure, his beard seeming to crawl back into his face. I felt like I was about to break. I turned to the man who was on the brink of collapsing, my chest burning as the words left my lips. ¡°Being born to you was a mistake.¡± Just bringing my mind back to it was agonizing. I hated it, I hated them. -------- This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. ¡®Five heroes¡­¡¯ I mumbled to myself as I scrutinized the thick vellum. In my hand I held a dusty book as I sat in the shadow of a massive bookcase. ¡°Legend¡± the section was titled in large, bold black lettering. If anything, this was an act of pure escapism. I needed to know the world I was in, after all. Five heroes will rise when the veil of evil shadow threatens to once again obscure the sky. The throne room shall adorn itself with the visage of a brave responding to its summons from beyond the veil of reality. Warriors three shall scale the jagged cliffs of strength, and fight to keep their people free. Raised within darkness itself will the final hero be, realized only in the depths of catastrophe. Cryptic and poorly written. That was the impression I got from this document, it was as if someone was trying and failing to be edgy and cryptic. I sighed and put it down, and picked up another similarly titled book, hoping to find something a little bit more well-written. Much to my dismay, though, the exact same prophecy was scrawled upon the page, word for word. I tore through the shelf, scrutinizing every single word, looking for something else. Every single document had the exact same pattern on it. ¡°Ah, young girl!¡± A grey man speed-walked over the squeaking wooden floor towards me. ¡°Do you know the significance of this shelf?¡± I sheepishly slipped the scroll in my hands back into place. ¡°I must admit I do not. Could you explain?¡± ¡°But of course. If anyone seeks knowledge, I must do my utmost to assist in that endeavor.¡± He smiled, deep wrinkles defining themselves behind his eyes. ¡°These are all replicas of different documents, all found at around the same time in very different places. Nobody knows their origin, but all of them have not only the same wording, but the exact same handwriting.¡± He explained, a glint appearing in his dim green eyes. ¡°What do you think they mean?¡± I asked. ¡°In a world where there are no stupid questions, you still managed to find one.¡± He chuckled as he pulled down a random book from the shelf and recited its contents. ¡°It means exactly what it says it means.¡± ¡°...Huh.¡± In the end, I left the library with more questions than answers. This wasn¡¯t due to the books, of course - those were not subtle at all. This was because I found a very questionable poster. It had a picture of me in menacing dark robes, light shining behind me in a strange orthographic circle. It read: ¡°WANTED Young female, looks around 12 years of age. DO NOT LET APPEARANCES FOOL YOU! This is a demon taking the form of a child that it murdered in cold blood. Take maximum caution when confronting. If you are not cautious, YOU WILL BE HER NEXT VICTIM! Reward will be prepared for whoever presents proof of her defeat to any town hall in the Demesus Province.¡± I sighed. Were they really doing this to me? The plains of wheat and pale blue sky, the squat buildings of wood and logs, the people treading the streets, the stone walkway below me - all that surrounded me ran red as my rage threatened my rational mind. In the back of my mind, though, I sensed something odd, and turned to see what it was. Two men, wearing only rags and leather, crouched on the rooftop above. One man, with unkempt dirty blond hair falling down to his neck, took aim through a wooden crossbow. The other, with jet-black hair and a cold, analytical gaze, periodically mumbled at the man. Within moments, I heard the snapping sound of the bowstring releasing, and the bolt almost reached me before falling to the ground, harmless. Cancelling that much kinetic energy was child¡¯s play. There was no way they could get down except through the stairwell, that building was far too tall. Firmly believing in the score I had to settle, I stormed into the building, going straight up the narrow staircase. On the entrance to the third floor, I encountered the two, who seemed to be rushing down the stairs in an effort to get away from me after being spotted. ¡°Geh-!¡± The blonde one grunted, and attempted to shove me out of the way. I didn¡¯t budge, of course, I was far too heavy for him to move while I was increasing the gravitational pull on my own body. A light grew over the palm of my hand as I looked directly into his eyes. ¡°Greetings. They call me Estera, but you can address me with your last words.¡± Jeez, I needed to work on that. I wasn¡¯t nearly as clever as I gave myself credit for. ¡°N...gh...a-ah... ¡° He stumbled over his ability to speak. As entertaining as it was, I was at my wit¡¯s end. ¡°R-RUN!¡± He exclaimed, and he and his friend dashed back towards the roof. It took a few moments to cancel my own magic, and I ran after them. ¡®My legs are too short for this¡­¡¯ I bemoaned my own weakness as I stumbled my way up the stairs, only to watch them cannonball into the ground below. ¡°A-AAAAAAGH!¡± Those two really weren¡¯t good at talking. Looking down over the ledge, I saw the source of the cries of agony. The black-haired one had used the body of his compatriot to break his fall, and it left some bones visible. He dashed away, stumbling as he tried to get his footing. ¡®Disgusting coward.¡¯ I grumpily derided him in my mind. I looked over the side of the building, and found a torn awning that framed the body of a filthy man with ribs fractured and sticking through his chest. I nearly threw up at the sight. Had I killed him? As I walked down the stairs, the image haunted my mind. --------- Not even five minutes later, I walked by the town square, where a densely packed crowd had gathered. What they were listening to was outrageous. ¡°My good friend Chrysus and I saw the poster warning of a dangerous beast residing in a human body. We both felt a strong sense of duty to you! The people of this town!¡± The crowd cheered as he thrust his fist into the air. ¡°And so, we set out to hunt this monster, and we found it. It was admiring its own poster! Exploiting its vile self-absorbedness, we attacked. But alas, it was not enough! The monster flew toward us, and threw Chrysus from roof! His crushed body is enough to tell of this wicked devil¡¯s powers.¡± The captivated audience recoiled as they imagined the poor betrayed man¡¯s body. ¡°So we must unite if we wish to stop this plague upon our town. It must- ¡°Over there!¡± Someone interrupted him. ¡°Who dares to- ¡°Shut up and look! That one fits the description, it must be the demon!¡± The man gave a slimy grin at me as I looked on in shock and horror. All around me, people were turning towards me, each face another hateful glare. Men moved between me and their women, as if to protect them from some horrible beast. ¡°There! Stop that monster before it can bring us any more destruction or misfortune!¡± He made no move to follow the crowd as they ran after me. All I hoped was that my light footsteps could carry me away from this mob fast enough to make it out of sight.