《Cobalt Nik》 Question: If a woman looks like a man, can God still be sexist to them? Chapter 1: With a groan, I roll out of bed and look at alarm clock. Huh, it''s 8:40, how nice. It''s 8:40¡­ Holy shit it''s 8:40! Now it''s 8:41! I gotta get to work or I''m gonna be late! Right, clothes! Clothes first! Then make-up. Then breath-freshener. Okay, sufficiently calm now. Let¡¯s go! ¡°Why are you late again, Nik?¡± ¡°Uhh¡­¡± ¡°C¡¯mon, Nik, you can do better than that, can''t you?¡± ¡°...¡± ¡°Okay, okay, you got me, I''ll let you off the hook, this time.¡± ¡°Thanks, Boss.¡± Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. People say I have resting bitch-face. Both the condition and literally. When I don''t control my expressions, then I apparently look angry as all fuck, and when I''m happy, I look like I couldn''t care less. You don''t even wanna know how I look like when I''m angry. It apparently makes anyone around me wish that they had went ahead and killed themselves yesterday. Back to work, Boss is pretty lenient about me being late. It could just be that I intimidate him, I mean, I am 6¡±4 and he¡¯s 5¡±6. I am kind of big boned too. I really don''t want to admit it, I am a lady after all. I went about work as usual for the rest of the day. At the end of the day, I hopped into my car, drove out of the lot, into the street, and stopped at the light. It turned green and I drove into the intersection. That was when I spotted this fuck-boy in a sports car fly straight at me. He didn¡¯t even look up from his smartphone before he crashed into me. God, if I had to go, why did it have to be in this tin coffin? ¡°Because I said so, bitch.¡± Wait, what? ¡°Your God has spoken to you, weak female. I¡¯ve had this fine specimen of a young man crash into you so you could be sent out of this planet to reincarnate your filthy self elsewhere.¡± For one, are you being sexist right now? Is that what¡¯s happening? Second, won¡¯t your ¡°fine specimen of a man¡± die in this car crash too? ¡°Of course not, I am protecting him with my divine powers.¡± Well, a divine fuck you, too. ¡°Okay then, bye female, you will now be sent to another world to be reincarnated.¡± Bye God. *SCREEECH* *CRASH* Welp, fuck my life. Bye Earth, hello, wherever the fuck I¡¯m going to now. Answer: Yes, yes he can. Chapter 2: I feel¡­ something flow out of my dead body. I suppose it is my soul, I mean, what else could be leaking out of me right now? Hahahaha¡­ Mild depression or not, I¡¯m leaving Earth. I probably won¡¯t ever see it again. I didn¡¯t even get to say goodbye to Mr. Fluffles, my dog. Oh, I would¡¯ve liked to talk with my parents again too. Ahh, bye Earth, I had an okay time here, but we¡¯re breaking up. I hope my new planet is fantasy based, I¡¯ve always liked those kinds of worlds. I just hope the species there aren¡¯t a bunch of Tolkien rip-offs, like most other fantasy stories that i¡¯ve read. I¡¯d like to ask now, though, who is this chick drinking tea in front of me? Also, is that Earl Grey? I¡¯d love to ask for some but I don¡¯t seem to have a mouth anymore, or arms, or legs, or anything for that matter. ¡°Well dearie, quite the talkative one you are, aren¡¯t you?¡± God damnit, I¡¯m having my mind read again aren¡¯t I? ¡°I refuse to damn mind reading, as it can be quite fun and useful. And dearie, please keep your eyes on my face, it is rather distracting for you to be looking at my chest.¡± Uhh¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯d appreciate some tea if you¡¯re offering, though. ¡°It¡¯d be quite hard to drink it without a mouth, wouldn¡¯t it? Either way, I¡¯ll pour you a cup and we¡¯ll get on with the meeting. How many sugars, dear?¡±Stolen story; please report. Two please. I start to consciously think of unrelated topics to hide my inner thoughts while the lady, who I presume is a god considering that she answered to it, pours me a cup of tea. Many thoughts run through my subconscious, and before I knew it, she was done making my cup of tea, and she gave me a knowing look as my thoughts drifted away from her. I try to bend down and grab my tea, but I just phase through it. I sigh, as well as something without a mouth is able to sigh, and put my attention on the subject matter. ¡°The matter at hand, young one, is this: your reincarnation into my world. I know it sounds stereotypical to you, but it has to be done. Normally it would be an animal that is sent to my world, and neither your god or I would pay it any attention, however, you were there at the wrong place in the wrong time, so your god chose you. Moreover, since we prepared a body for an animal¡¯s soul, you¡¯re going to have to be a monster. Something wolf-like to be more exact. Sorry dearie.¡± So, in other words, I¡¯m royally screwed? ¡°Pretty much. The only comfort I can give you is having you reincarnated as something humanoid, which would be a kobold, as they fit the ¡®wolf-like¡¯ criteria that I stated earlier.¡± But aren¡¯t kobolds lizard mo- ¡°Shh, shh shh shh shh. Not in my world dearie, they¡¯re the type that has a dog¡¯s head and tail with the body of a child.¡± I¡¯m more of a dog person anyway, so I¡¯m fine with that. Quick question though, why the British accent? It¡¯s lovely and all, but I was just wondering. ¡°That is none of your concern dearie, but if you truly wish to know, I think it reminds your god of the famous queens of that nation, and you know how his mind works.¡± I¡¯m liking the ¡®reincarnating into your world¡¯ plan more and more. ¡°As you should. Now, It¡¯s time to send you off, toodles dearie!¡± See ya! And then, fade to black.