《Destroy your new life, repair it, destroy it again by doing crazy things while screaming YOLO!》


 Prologue: "Who鈥檚 the idiot who gave birth to him?"

    I run¡­ I flee¡­ I don''t think I''ll survive it¡­ One thing is sure, he''s persistent. I hide myself behind a ruined wall, I catch my breath.


    [¡­]


    I''m still stuck behind my wall and it''s been 1 or 2 minutes that I don''t hear any sound¡­ It feels quite relaxing, but it''s also scary, it means that I can''t know where he is. I raise my head above the wall and take a peek: nothing! It''s like he has disappeared! Yet something like a hero, it can''t disappear like that no? I take a second peek when I see the air ripple a bit. And it''s getting closer!


    -Shit!


    I shout while I lean on the wall to jump the higher I can.


    The ripple gets closer at high speed. The moment it touches the wall, everything in a radius of 3 meters abruptly evaporates, which includes the tip of my shoes and a part of my toes with it¡­


    There''s not a lot of questions to ask yourself to know that the power of the heroes is surely the most unbalanced thing that exists in this world¡­ After 10 years of learning, when a mage apprentice has to recite 3 lines of spell and use half his spiritual force for a small flame, he is thought lucky or talented! But when through sheer luck, a hero finds the inheritance of a powerful mage, he destroys the space itself! The heroes are overpowered, the heroes waste inheritances they don¡¯t need, the heroes kill everyone without distinction, the heroes create a religion just by going somewhere, the heroes¡­ are popular with women! The heroes are definitely the most dangerous men of this world. And, especially, the heroes are all in the Empire! Death to heroes!The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    In the space of a second, these thoughts crossed my mind, but I quickly forget about the stupid idea that started to grow in my head. The heroes are almost invincible, they are strong, maybe that¡­ No! Bad idea.


    I fall back on the ground. I decide immediately to run: the hero is at less than 20m, and is chasing me! I need to do something!


    -Uta Tanbus Magus Terma Itir Moar Raluf Tanbus Itir Ut!


    I recite a small spell and my body becomes strong, powerful and quick, my toes grow back also. It''s simple plant magic. It''s admittedly the weakest element but I can improve my body just by having a little vegetal part, dead or alive, in my body. I pushed my mastery of this element to the extreme¡­ Yet it''s far from being useful against a hero!


    Oh/ Did I say to you that my name is Moar? No? It was what I was thinking, even if the mages among you certainly noticed my name in the incantation.


    I suppose you want to know why I''m pursued by an angry hero in the middle of a ruined city in the Empire? I suppose I can tell you what happened, and my role in the destruction of this city¡­


    But before, want to know something:


    -Who is the idiot who had the bad idea to give birth to a hero???

 Always wanting something OR how to fail your new life

    I know, it''s clich¨¦, I know, it seems op. I''m like a mc in the Asian stories, like in a novel or an isekai, I find myself in another world. But unlike everyone, unlike some that revive, unlike the ones that just blink, the ones that wake up, the ones that are killed by God¡­ I didn''t do anything, I was talking, and¡­ without any visible change, I kept talking¡­ Except the ordinary citizen family I ended up with didn''t understand anything to what I was saying¡­ I was talking about porn so maybe it''s a good thing¡­ but you know. When everyone knows the language of the world they came to, I don''t know it. And instead of inheriting the body of a newborn or something, like some others who have to learn the local language, my body has barely 14 years. The age you can become an apprentice mage, and the perfect age for the parents to think that their son turned into a total idiot! So I stayed at home, being unable to be an apprentice. After all, why even do a test to know if your son has magic, for being a mage needs you to use your brain and mouth?


    Thus, from a life of a math teacher to idiotic high school students, taking the "junk" path, just like a dropout. Dropout which by the way was the art piece I was talking about. But anyway, I¡¯m digressing... I was isekaid, the dream of many, only to live the life of a total idiot who doesn''t even know how to speak¡­


    It took me 4 years to learn the local language. For the parents of this body, it was a revelation: their son was intelligent!


    After this, I have tried to convince them to pay me a tutor for private lessons. Quickly, in the space of 2 years, I finished to learn all the history, geography, the behavior and the common knowledge that allows you to survive in this new universe.


    I learned thus that it was the year 100 of the Merlin''s calendar, that the city, filling all an island of 3000km wide, I was in was Nyggloth, a kingdom of which the capital became huge, able to fight the Empire.


    The Empire is not complicated to place on a map: it''s a power occupying almost a quarter of the world, and more than 60% of the global living area. Managed by the emperor, the most powerful mage of all times, filled with heroes and separated in various provinces all managed by gods.If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    When I''m talking about gods, I''m not talking about a title, it is the real children of the Creator of the world, Moth. The world has her name. Which makes them totally op! On top of that, they''re more than thirty. But then, you will ask, why can Nyggloth compete with such a power? The answer of this question is very simple:


    It''s Merlin. Merlin, who has the same name as one of the characters of old European legends, is the son of Tul, and father of the Nyggloth technology.


    To sum it up, Tul betrayed Moth, with whom she was almost equal in power, by creating the Beings. They are as powerful than a lower God, and they are billions. And, if you want my opinion, a lot better than the men made by Moth.


    Well, the creation of life is the privilege of her mother, Moth. To avoid her wrath, she created an entire continent that she concealed to the other gods. Aggrieved by the betrayal of her daughter, Moth has been sleeping for 10,000 years now in the capital of the Empire.


    And it just so happens that Nyggloth, the only kingdom that has not been absorbed by the empire, has as inhabitants the last humans worshipers of Tul.


    Finally, found in the year 0, date of the creation of the Merlin''s calendar, the Khan ("Empty") continent. Its name has a simple origin: there was no one on this continent when it was found. There were skyscrapers, buildings, and even robots, from what I could tell from the few drawings I found in some old books, but there was no one. No one, except Merlin. And Merlin is actually at the head of Nyggloth. Some say that he equals the power of his mother, and that this is why he kept in hold the more than 30 gods of the pantheon for a 100 years¡­


    But I''m drifting from the main subject, let''s go back to my life, I knew the basics, but I wasn''t willing to stop myself here, I wanted to go further. Even 6 years late, I wanted to be one of these powerful and revered mages.


    I spent the next years learning magic. I found here a real talent: magical theory (certainly because of my ancient digital life and my knowledge of mathematics). My theories were quickly spread all over Nyggloth. I became famous a bit before my new body had 25, and the most powerful mages were reading my books with interest.


    I set up a business that was working well, I was famous and popular.


    But even then, even if they treated me like a genius, something was missing, something simple and essential: my magic affinity was, not only of a secondary element, but also of the weakest of all: the plant element. A lot of my theories were doomed to remain theories. And just for a bit of power, I''ll tell you how I fucked up my new life.

 The heroes are a pain in the ass, they interrupt you all the time...

    Everything started at my place, when I spent half my day buried in books, desperate of not finding any solution for my problem¡­ This is at that moment that¡­


    -Shit!


    I¡¯ll have to interrupt my story-telling for a while, I have a lingering feeling of d¨¦j¨¤ vu but I''m sure of one thing: it''s really impossible for a hero to let people think about their past!


    I just escaped with a spell of my creation, when the hero, by pure physical strength (I assure you, it''s a heresy for me too, and to me too it makes no sense), caught up to me in a few seconds! I was moving at more than 200 meters per second, damn it! How can he catch up to me, I was ahead of 2 kilometers??? He would need to run at least at 500 meters per second (to spare you a calculation, he caught up in a bit less than 6 seconds)!!!


    -Go, think, think, think¡­


    I need a solution¡­ There has to be a way, no? I''m not going to hide myself in a hole, no?


    -Oh!


    Here is my solution!!!


    The hero is just behind me, I don''t dare to watch behind me, and I feel like I''m feeling his breath in my neck¡­Stolen novel; please report.


    I quickly put my hand in my pocket, and found what I was searching: a seed!


    Out of breath, I recite:


    -Uta Tanbus Magus Terma Itir Moar Gunmat Cantus Itiri Lemsi!


    I take a deep breath and I pronounce the second part:


    -Cantus Itiri Lemsi Ipero Tipos Ut Uta!


    The seed start to take shape, quickly, I start a second spell, of which I enchain the two parts in a single breath:


    -Tanbus Attari Lemsi Urri Tilser Attar Ute! Tanbus Attari Ipero Urri Magus Ute!


    That last spell was very rough, almost barbaric, and the second part even more than the first, I don''t know if that will work like I want it to work. But it seems that I''m lucky, after all!


    The ground is opening under my feet, I rapidly drop off the seed on the edge of the hole while the magic particles are pulling me into the hole. I violently land in it, but I don''t care, it''s more important to close it.


    But I don''t have time left, and it would be too visible. I decided rather to take away the clone that has now replaced seed. With a mental impulsion, I order it to go the furthest away from me it can.


    According to the enraged shouts of the hero moving away, it''s working, I let out a big sigh¡­ It seems that even if it''s exhausting, I''ll have to move under the ground for at least some kilometers to be sure that he won''t find me after noticing the trick.


    I give back a cleaner appearance to the roughly closed ground with a skillful spell, and I start to dig.


    I''m quite happy to have more than a meal worth of food with me!


    After a few hours, seeing that the clone is still not destroyed, and estimating that the hero is at several hundreds of kilometers from me now, I destroy the clone:


    -Tanbus Itiri Lemsi Titron Ut!


    There you go, I can finally think about my past, where was I already?

 Oh shit, which one is it already OR the cliff is so high that we need to go down

    So, let''s go back to the subject¡­


    After using most of my new life catching up to the knowledge I missed, and setting a solid base for the future, I started a desperate quest to have more magic power, even if it can possibly destroy my future (yes I know it''s stupid).


    When some protagonists, that I''m not at all actually stabbing in the back right now, get out of difficult situations with a speech about friendship, I on my side had two solutions: owning an artifact able to augment magic powers, which I can probably find in the Empire, or ask to Merlin. I hesitated a bit about what to do to reach my goal.


    Merlin and the Empire are two equally terrifying entities, imagine if you had the choice between striking a deal with the president or going to North Korea, the difference being that the president presides over half the world, and North Korea is taking the other half¡­ Merlin being an ally (with my previous life experience with illuminati and conspiracy theories on Earth I''m not so sure), it was better to ask him for advice. Also, my status in Nyggloth makes it easier for me to ask for an audience without any risks.


    Two years later (yes it''s a very long queue, but he was isolated in his laboratory the first year, so it''s fine), finally! I had an audience!


    That is how I had at another time, at a different place, a choice:


    Going to do an errand (search an object) for Merlin. Or do nothing.


    Going to find an object, it''s easy, you say?


    Normally yes, but this object is behind more than 4,000 km of ocean and 2,000 km of land!


    You still don''t see the problem?


    It''s in the Empire!


    Still don''t?


    It''s in the city of the god Vaal, the god of courage! Where everyone is armed to the teeth!


    You still want more?


    It''s in the HEADQUARTERS of the heroes'' guild! And I need to steal it!


    I''m crying in my head¡­ Somewhere, in a corner of my spirit, my consciousness is in the recovery position [1]. But I knew I had to do it¡­ But seriously, Merlin is asking me that as if it was and errand for some bread to go buy in the morning! I''m sure that if I had now to imagine his head, I''d see a trollface¡­


    But even then, I had to go! I dried my inner tears, wrote my will, dug my tomb, wrote my name and let a place for the date on it, kissed my child, shit I didn''t have any, kissed my wife, shit I didn''t have one either fuck I''m so lonely, I organized with magic the sending of my will to my parents if I wasn''t back in a year, and I left, full of joy, delighted, and extremely positive about my survival chances.


    [¡­]


    Holy shit I do I hate the sea. I wasn''t feeling well. A little bit bad. It''s been a week I was on the sea and still no ground in sight. I supposed I was about to die on the sea before seeing the ground¡­ I knew I should have invented the magic plane before going! Seems like we always forget something before a journey¡­


    What was the use of knowing all these things if it was to not use them? I had to invent train (shit, god of strategy Prat already did this), plane, zeppelin (it''s only a worse version of the plane but I only had to wait something like 10 years before releasing the plane that would make more money), cars (maybe a bit early, I don''t know), and piles of things!


    But I definitely had to establish myself in the black market, I would invent porn magazines (it would certainly be considered illegal) and drugs (I would be able to always sell more than the previous time to addicts, I¡¯m a genius!).


    While I was thinking about my pure and saint-like projects for the future, the ship started strongly oscillating. That movement was caused by a sea creature, huge, that was darkening the sea for kilometers, it seemed to be many times bigger than a whale (19 kilometers by 9 from what I could estimate), yet its species has the same name. And that bastard of a whale was making the water moving which produced something magic, beautiful, happy, clean, everything you want:Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    -Shit! I vomited!


    [¡­]


    Just arrived, already gone.


    It seems that the crew of the boat was in a hurry, they threw out all the passengers (Of course, I had them believe that I was a simple unimportant migrant that traveled illegally), took some supplies for the travel, and left quickly.


    The place of arrival was a little, tiny village, that seemed to be formed of a port and a shabby tavern. In contrast to Nyggloth that mixes magic and technology, the Empire IS the heroic fantasy itself.


    The only difference is that there was neither elf, nor dwarf, nor any other humanoid creature had been censused for over a century. The world having a continent, an island, and a second hidden continent, there weren''t a lot of things. Originally, the world of Moth was filled with many kingdoms. Their number was varying a lot, but the main ones were about forty. Then the Empire grew, and absorbed everything.


    All of this is to say that the humanoid kingdoms have also been absorbed in the Empire. There should still be some, but discrimination and all the talk, so those that weren¡¯t exterminated were forced to leave. Some said that they were on an island, like Nyggloth, but no one really knew. Perhaps they were all already dead, but what we were sure of is that there weren¡¯t any in the Empire. At least, any that were left were sold as slaves for exorbitant sums of money a long time ago.


    Anyway, I need to stop losing myself in my thoughts every time I tell something.


    I started my journey of 2000 km to the city of Vaal. Fortunately, the mages were also very common in the Empire, so I could use magic to be faster.


    [¡­]


    At the end of my journey, I arrived at the city of the god Vaal, intelligently named Vindi Vaal (Vaal the divine), they don''t overdo it in the Empire (and the gods have a fucking huge ego). By the way, the region has the same name .


    I arrived at night. The gates were closing.


    I sprinted the last 100 meters, but was stopped by a guard:


    -Halt you, the gates of the city are closed until dawn.


    -Listen, the gate is not even completely closed, can''t I pass?


    -10 silver coins.


    -What?


    -If you want to pass it''s 10 silver coins.


    -Are you kidding me?


    -Hey, you hear that, Hagas?


    -Yeah I hear, Crayg!


    -This guy, he thinks that it¡¯s free! Now cough up the 20 coins!


    -Seriously! Wasn''t it 10 coins?


    -Hey, you hear that, Hagas?


    -Yeah I hear, Crayg!


    -He thinks we don''t know how to count! Now cough up the 50 coins!


    I needed to pass, I didn''t want to give them money, but I didn''t want to be remarked either, I accepted reluctantly that armed robbery:


    -Take¡­


    Anyway, I dropped the respect, YOU are not respecting me I am not respecting you.


    -Honestly, did you think you can corrupt us?


    He said while putting the coins in his purse.


    -Hey, you hear that, Hagas?


    -Yeah I hear, Crayg!


    -So, what do you think about going to sleep?


    -Well why not.


    Fucking NPC! On top of that, they weren''t going to sleep, they were about to spend my money for alcohol! I know guys that could dive in an eternal sleep, if I get hold of them in a dark alley!


    Never mind, it seemed I had to wait until dawn¡­


    However, I hated it, I had already used a lot of gold pieces to find a smuggler, with more than 50 silver coins (half of a gold coin!) that just left my pockets, I had the feeling that I didn''t have a lot of budget left for this trip! Almost all my money was left at Nyggloth!


    [¡­]


    The next day, after a night without sleeping, I entered the city in the morning. I went to the inn Merlin indicated to me, I took the designated room, and slept all day.


    After waking up, I used a magic method to read secret inscriptions on the wall of the room. It was a detailed map of the city, of the different possible ways of escape, with the distances thoroughly copied. There was also a plan of the headquarters of heroes, also detailed. It seemed a lot of work was necessary to obtain as much information. Even then, the closer it was from the treasure room, the less the map was precise, and the room itself was an empty rectangle. It seemed there were limits to gathering information on an adverse power¡­ I quickly memorized the plan, the superior memory of mages being certainly efficient and useful.


    I ate, went back to the room, prepared one at a time the tools that could be of use, and turned over in my head multiple times the map and the spells I could possibly need.


    [¡­]


    Everything was going smoothly, I arrived at the treasure room by aura''s marked teleportation (the teleportation with a marker is more precise and more discreet, because almost undetectable magically, than a basic teleportation, the use of aura adds to the discretion, but on the contrary lack in precision). I evaded all the physical like magic traps (seems like videogames are useful sometimes, especially when the heroes are all plagiarisms of heroic fantasy heroes and are all extremely predictable). I entered the room.


    And then, in front of thousands of treasures of the heroes'' guild, I just realized something: superior memory of mages my ass, I forgot which treasure I had to steal!


    -Oh shit, in doubt I take everything!

 The bakery OR titanic mana fart

    I had a little problem. Of course "in doubt I take everything" was the simplest way to do things, but it was still difficult as fuck! There were still several hundred treasures¡­


    After an hour of thinking, I came up with a few solutions: teleport all the objects or find a way to store them all. For the first, I''m far from having the mana, else I wouldn''t have had to improve my magic capacity. For the second, I would need a dedicated tool for storage, like a ring¡­ But the most expensive that I could buy there had a maximum size of 1 cubic meter. And I had no materials to increase it¡­ I went back, a little disappointed, to the inn.


    After a few weeks of theorizing, which cost me quite a lot of thinking, I had found a way to increase the size of a spatial pocket! I''ll spare you the maths (17 pages of scribbling) and the procedure (3 pages), and I¡¯ll just tell you the results. I couldn''t increase its space long-term, but I found a way to compress space at the moment I put the objects in it.


    After some preparations, I was again in front of the treasure room (once you get the hang of it, you can pretty much enter it as you please). The idea was to put all the objects inside at the same time, so I placed the ring in the middle of the room, and wrote a long and extremely thin string of discretion and protection runes that spread on the entire walls, floor, and ceiling of the room, just in case. I used a bit of levitation magic to lift all the treasures and, after 2 or 3 painful minutes of incantations, barely catching my breath a few times, I twisted the equivalent of 15 cubic meters of treasures in a single cubic meter of space. The problem when you try to do something smart that¡¯s never been done before is that it¡¯s very uncommon for things to happen as you wanted them to.


    The distortion of space had unexpected repercussions: the ground started to shake, while the mana was concentrating in huge quantities in the region. The mana seemed to be attracted by the phenomenon, and the protection runes were about to break. At the moment the process finished, the space of the ring closed and the mana was brutally released. All that mana, before concentrated, was suddenly released, and similarly to a (magic) tsunami, destroyed everything a kilometer around the room.Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    I picked up the ring and raised both of my arms to the sky:


    -Well, Merlin, you wanted your morning bread? So here I come with the BAKERY!!!


    I was quite pleased with myself, however, I urgently had to go. While I was drowning in euphoria, I screamed a bit loud. On top of that, the tsunami-like phenomenon caused a lot of very noticeable damages and was certainly thoroughly remarked. I had to go, NOW! I rushed to exit (I may have or may have not been able to teleport back but understand me: the treasure room is on the second floor and the tavern I stayed at was certainly destroyed, it would be bad to fall to my death)!


    -Hey you!


    Shit, there was a hero at the doorstep.


    -What did you do?


    -Listen, we can peacefully come to an arrangement, can''t we, I can explain everything to yo¡­


    I was interrupted by a kick in my direction, and more particularly the cutting wind that came out of it! Oh fuck he wanted to kill me! I immediately ran as fast as I could while holding my ring, as the place I was at just a moment ago was now a deep crack.


    And this is how I ended up being chased by a hero in the ruins of one of the Empire''s cities.


    When I''m thinking about it, I had some fucking good luck that Vaal wasn''t anywhere near his city at that moment¡­


    [¡­]


    And now, here I am spending all my time being bored as fuck, while digging a tunnel¡­ To pass time, being originally a modern internet man (Homo Internet), I sing famous songs one after another:


    -I am a dwarf and I''m digging a hole, diggy diggy hole! diggy diggy hole!


    That song fits in perfectly with my situation¡­


    I start to feel cold, so I take advantage of it to start singing another song, with a slightly shrill voice (okay okay, maybe a slight little bit part of me will agree it was shrill as fuck):


    -La neige s''installe, doucement dans la nuit, la neige est reine, ¨¤ son tour¡­ Un royaume de solitude, ma place est¡­


    [¡­]


    -Lib¨¦r¨¦eeeee ! D¨¦livr¨¦eeeeee ! Je ne mentirai plus jamaiiiiiiiisssss ! Lib¨¦r¨¦eeeeeee ! D¨¦livr¨¦eeeeeeee ! C''est d¨¦cid¨¦ je m''en vaiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssss ! [1]


    Ok¡­


    Definitely¡­


    This song is toxic¡­


    This is poison¡­


    The most deadly poison that ever existed¡­