《Nonsensical Short Shorts》


 The Knights of the Square Table

    In a magnificent castle built upon a sharp cliff, sat a total of fourteen brilliant knights around the most impeccable square table one could ever imagine.


    The table was neither too big, nor too large. It was made of a fine wood and crafted by a collection of some of the lands finest craftsmen. Yet, despite its construction, it was undoubtedly as hard as stone.


    It was wide enough to seat the fourteen knights, who insisted on wearing their heavy plated armor even within the confines of their heavily fortified castle, and was unmistakably the squares square table that could possibly ever grace this earth.


    If one were to take a ruler and measure each side of this table, they would find that each side was identical to the smallest possible value. Every foot of wood, every inch of this table, every possible atom within its construct was exactly identical on each side.


    For this table was no rectangle, nor was it a circle, it was a square table! And as if to honor this holy table, whose corners were as sharp as any blade, and could very well serve as a weapon by itself this band of knights was deemed, the Knights of the Square Table.


    The leader of this order of knights, sat at one of the tables mystical sides wearing a crown, but not a circular crown!


    To wear a circular crown before the squarest of square tables¡­


    That would be akin to blasphemy to the gods! Thunder and lightning would fall from the sky, striking their castle. All manner of disease and plague would fill the nation, and the harbingers of the end of themselves would descend upon this mortal plain.


    So, on this knight''s head, sat not but the blasphemous round crown, but the ever holy square crown decorated with gems cut a perfect square. Yet even these sparkling jewels embedded into this kings crown were seemingly worthless before the majesty that was this wooden table.


    The king stood up, laying his hand on the square table, ¡°Men, I¡¯ve called you today for only one purpose, and one purpose alone.¡±


    The mood grew heavy, but as the knights felt the absolute beautiful wood bellow their arms through their iron gauntlets they grew calmer as they listened to their mighty king.


    ¡°Today, we siege Camelot! We cannot allow the Knights of the Round Table to continue their terrible reign!¡±


    ¡°But your majesty¡­¡±, one of the Knights sitting down said, ¡°We¡¯ve attempted to siege Camelot dozens of times this year alone...perhaps it would be best to-¡±


    ¡°SILENCE!¡±


    The king slammed his gauntlets on the wooden table shattering it in an instance. His fists tightened, ¡°For years...for years we¡¯ve fought the Knights of the Round Table as the Knights of the Square Table¡­¡±


    The king turned to a knight sitting right next to him, ¡°Swordsalot tell us, for what have we been fighting for¡­¡±


    Swordsalot, whose name originated from the numerous swords hanging from his waist, raised his head solemnly ¡°For the table.¡±


    ¡°Yes! For the table! Those accursed Knights of the Round Table, to have such exquisite tables...it¡¯s a sin!¡±


    The King kicked the shattered table causing the knights sitting in front of him to jump up to avoid the pieces. One knight took out a bell from a leather pack on his waist and rang it.


    Several servants hurriedly ran in holding an identical square table just like the last one, and the fourteen knights quickly sat around it. This table was just like the last table, square beyond measure¡­


    There is no table squarer than this table, it was as if this table was crafted by the hands of God himself! Or perhaps the Gods, if you believe in polytheism. But no matter which God made this table, there was definitely no table like it! Well except for the tables stashed in various locations in this castle.


    As the fourteen knights settled down on their new table, a man in robes walked in, ¡°Your majesty, have you calmed down?¡±


    The King looked at the man and asked, ¡°What do you want Nilrem?¡±


    ¡°King Arthur has just left Camelot with his Knights, I believe this is an opportune time to do battle with them. Being away from their Holy Round Table, the Knights of the Round Table will surely have weakened.¡±


    One of the knights slammed his fist on the table causing the fresh table to be dented, ¡°Nilrem, are you suggesting we, the Honorable Knights of the Square table should ambush the Knights of the Round Table who are at a disadvantage being separated from their Round Table!¡±


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    Nilrem nodded, ¡°Exactly my lord.¡±


    The Knight laughed, ¡°Sure thing, I¡¯m all in, you guys?¡±


    The Knights of the Square table laughed, and the King rose to his feet drawing his sword, ¡°Death to the Round Table!¡±


    The other knights stood up, ¡°¡°Death to the- gahhh!¡±¡±


    As several Knights stood up hastily, their knees struck the tables sharp corners of the square table. These corners were highly lethal, all who were pierced by its great point had only one faith. Death!


    The King panicked, ¡°Swordsalot! Thirstan! Gaywain! And sorry what was your name again?¡±


    One of the knights who struck his knee turned his head, ¡°It was¡­¡±


    But before he could respond, he drew his last breath and perished.


    The king fell to his knees and released as he greaved, tears of blood fell from his face as he shouted, ¡°Damn you accursed Round Table!¡±


    ¡­


    In a field no to far away from the Knight of the Square Tables castle a large group of knights was sitting down sitting around a total of fourteen round tables. At the end of one of each of these round tables sat an especially large and dignified knight in heavy plated armor.


    And on the largest round table, a round table whose centered had a large broadsword stuck in the center sat the leader of this band of Knights. The leader of the Knights of the Round Table and drew the sword in the table, this man was known as King Arthur.


    King Arthur''s table was especially large, and his sword made it especially easy to distinguish, but the most recognizable factor was the fact that only women sat around King Arthur''s table.


    On each of the other Knights round tables sat a group of knights, each eating, and drinking as they pleased, but on King Arthur¡¯s table, there was no need for food. For why would the holy King of the Round Table, need food!


    This King only needed three things, Fame, Glory, and Women! And this unhealthy diet of King Arthur''s lead to his body growing ever weaker, as his body grew larger and larger. Yet, this diet of his also strengthened his table.


    In the beginning, King Arthur¡¯s round table was about the same size as each of his Knights, being able to sit around four to six people. But as he grew bigger and bigger, so did his table, and now it could easily all fourteen of his loyal knights!


    And in order to allow King Arthur¡¯s table to grow ever larger, the Knights willingly allowed the King to be accompanied by a harem of over a dozen women each time.


    And as King Arthur was enjoying is a banquet, suddenly the sharp cry of a war horn could be heard across a nearby hill.


    The King of the Square table and nine of his Knights of the Square table looked down on the Knights of the Round Table with their swords brandished.


    The King of the Square table looked at King Arthur¡¯s table, and then at his women, and then at his table and then at his infuriating amount of women, before saying, ¡°King Arthur today is the day you die! Your table is mine King Arthur!¡±


    The King of the Square Table charged forth with his loyal Knights, and despite having sustained the loss of four of his Knights already, he fearlessly charged forth. He resolved himself, today was either the day he died or the day he would defeat the Knights of the Round Table and steal their Round Tables so that he too could be as popular as them!


    King Arthur smirked as he saw the Knights of the Square tables charge, he stood up and grabbed the sword stabbed onto his table, ¡°King of the Square Table, what do you think you can do?¡±


    He quickly pulled the sword from the table raising it the air and then threw it to the side before picking up the round table. Similarly, the remaining Knights of the round table stood up, and they too wielded their Round Tables.


    King Arthur shouted, ¡°Men who are we!?¡±


    The Knights shouted in unison, ¡°¡°The Knights of the Round Table!¡±¡±


    ¡°And what are we!?¡±


    The Knights shouted, ¡°¡°Invincible!¡±¡±


    And thus the Knights of the Square Table and the Knights of the Round Table, the two extreme philosophies of the might carpenters of older battled.


    Even after thousands of years pass, this battle will forever be cemented in history as the most idiotic battle the history has ever known.

 To Have Eyes But Fail To Recognize Mount Tai

    There is perhaps no man that knows the true expanse of the world for the world is just too vast. There lie worlds beyond worlds, skies above skies, seas beyond seas. There exists the greater thousand worlds, the lesser million worlds, and the infinite stars in the great beyond.


    And just as one world may stand over another, as the greater thousand may tower above the lesser million as the lesser million too stand above the innumerable billions there are men among men who walk this earth who stand above all others.


    These men are known by many names: Immortals, Celestials, Gods, Devils, Demons,  Saints among many other things. But no matter what you may choose to call them, no matter which path they take, they all inevitably have one thing in common.


    No matter who they are, no matter how strong, how powerful they may be, it doesn¡¯t matter how influential they are, or how many people stand behind them, no matter how beautiful, young, and pristine they may be, whether they are man or woman, as long as they stand before the one true pinnacle existence... the MC they too are nothing but cannon fodder.


    And here in the one of the lowest realms, a realm unfit to even look upon the lesser million worlds towering above them let alone the greater thousand worlds, in a world split into four regions, in a world filled with a seemingly infinite amount of continents further split into a similarly innumerable amount of provinces was a bustling city, an immortal city.


    It was a city filled with men and women each with enough power to shake the earth. Every single man or woman had the most pristine and beautiful appearance having already transformed their very appearance. And as if these immortals had some weird aversion to the very earth, these thousands of immortals each flew in the air through the most peculiar of means not daring to even touch the ground with their feet.


    But as these men and women were going about their day, a golden pillar of light suddenly shot into the air as a man entered through the main city gate. He slowly took the sight of the city in and to everyone¡¯s surprise, he walked into the city using his two feet!


    He took one step and then a second step, and then a third!


    It was unbelievable, to think there was such a brave and handsome man. All the men who look at his sweet succulent ass couldn¡¯t help but fall into a daze and all the women couldn''t help but fall in love at first sight.


    But as one woman was about to approach this handsome young man she found that her body was paralyzed. She instantly panicked, but to her surprise she not only found that she couldn¡¯t move her body, but even her heavenly energy was seemingly frozen in place.


    However, as her eyes followed this young man she realized that all the other woman seemed to be experiencing something similar. That¡¯s when suddenly, an incomparably beautiful women appeared next to the young man fanning out to his sides.


    And as if the chains restraining these women were cut in two, they were all set free from this inexplicable bind. At first, they felt conflicted, perhaps it was these women before them that had just cast a spell on them, but they quickly shrugged that thought.


    As their eyes fell on the women beside this young man they understood what happened. It was fate!


    Yes, this man was undoubtedly no ordinary man. Men and women alike indiscriminately found themselves attracted to this young man through some twist of fate, and at the same time, some invincible force stopped all these women in their track.


    As for the men, however, they were left to their own discretion. The sudden burst of heat in their body, not knowing what to feel about this sudden sexual attraction to someone of the same gender caused them to grow...let¡¯s say a little aggravated.


    They would one after another approach this young man in an attempt to sort out their feelings, but as they themselves didn¡¯t understand their feelings their sexual attraction would soon be translated into aggression.


    But before a single man could make a move, this young man, blessed by the very heavens themselves, born under a star of fate...tripped.


    Yes, unlike the countless immortals who chose to fly, this young man wished to stand above all with his own two feet. But as he was enjoying the attention and the women by his side, his own negligence led to his own demise!


    In this country, no man was his equal. His cultivation allowed him to surmount several levels and event beat those a whole realm above his own. And despite his young age he managed to cultivate to a level only those who have trained for an eternity could reach.


    But this caused him to grow arrogant. And as he raised his foot, and put it down on the ground, he tripped!


    Yes, a fatal mistake in this young man of fate¡¯s once perfect career. The one blemish on his near unbeaten record.


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    As the young man fell to the ground countless memories flashed before his eyes, to him who could travel at the speed of sound it was all too slow. Perhaps at the time, he could have teleported, perhaps he could have flown into the air, perhaps he could have done anything but allow it to happen.


    But to him, this was a sign of defeat! Instead, this young man closed his eyes willing to accept his one and only defeat. But as nanosecond after nanosecond passed as he waited for the finishing blow, nothing happened.


    This young genius couldn¡¯t help but think, ¡°What are you waiting for! Finish me!¡±


    But the reprieve he was waiting for never came. And after a whole second, he finally fell to the ground. The child favored by fate had fallen to the ground!


    The woman to his side gasped, but they earnestly waited for him to stand up. However, to their surprise, this young man just laid there.


    Some of the women''s faces grew pale in fright, and one woman covered her mouth and quietly began to sob, muttering, ¡°No...no¡­¡±


    Yet, when all seemed to be lost, the young man pushed himself off the ground and began laughing madly, ¡°That was a big mistake¡­¡±


    The young man glared at the ground, his eyes a beet red tinged with absolute fury. The young man''s fist tightened as waves of energy began surging through his body, his hair shifting color turning a bright golden shade while simultaneously growing in volume and hardness.


    The young man stamped his feet onto the ground, twisting the dirt under his feet, ¡°Who do you think you are?¡±


    He stomped his foot down again, ¡°You...¡±


    And again, ¡°Are nothing¡­¡±


    And again, ¡°BUT THE DIRT ON MY FEET!¡±


    The woman behind him began cheering in ecstasy, nothing pleased them more than seeing their beloved rise from the ashes to once more fight on their behalf.


    The young man swung his fist down onto the ground shattering the earth beneath his feet and sending shockwaves that decimated the surroundings.


    The citizens panicked and immediately cast spell after spell teleporting out of the city. As for the young man''s harem they were seemingly unaffected by the shockwaves, as a matter of fact, these shockwaves seemed to send waves of pleasure crashing into their minds as a hint of red covered their faces.


    But the young man didn¡¯t have any time to care about this, as he looked at the shattered ground he couldn¡¯t help but praise the dirt, ¡°As expected, you¡¯re not as weak as you look.¡±


    No matter how powerful his one strike might have been, despite having destroyed the surrounding city leaving nothing but a massive crater, it still only gave way to much harder bedrock beneath it.


    The young man grinned, ¡°It¡¯s been a long time since I¡¯ve met such a powerful rival.¡±


    He raised his right hand, and suddenly a massive battle axe appeared in his right hand, and as he lowered his left hand a blood red spear appeared in his left hand.


    He drew the spear back, and with a shout threw it, ¡°Voidrending spear!¡±


    The spear vanished and instantly appeared on the ground exploding into a massive dust cloud. But before the dust could even set, the young man descended cleaving his giant battle axe, ¡°Giant Demon Gods Demonic Battle Axe!¡±


    But as the axe¡¯s head was about to meet the surface of the ground, he disappeared, yet the ground suddenly erupted once more revealing the young man who was somehow beneath the ground.


    The young man''s attacks were extremely effective, digging deep into the ground, however, it came at the cost of his very weapons. The young man clicked his tongue, ¡°I guess we¡¯ll have to settle this with our fists!¡±


    The young man descended at lightning''s speed, his fists as hard as steel crashed into the ground and exploded with the fiery strength of a volcano finally causing blood to spill forth.


    But to the young man''s surprise, it was not his enemies, but his own! He grasped his broken hand, and cried out miserably, ¡°YOU BASTARD!¡±


    The young man took out a white talisman ripping it apart teleporting him into the distance. He immediately cast a spell amplifying his voice as he shouted, ¡°Just you wait! Letting me live today will be your biggest mistake! One day I will return, and when I do I¡¯ll kill your whole family!¡±


    And like that the fierce battle between the planet and the chosen child of fate came to a swift conclusion. But in a mere three months, in the distant night sky, the moon exploded!


    And from the center of the moon, a figure smaller than a grain of sand from the earth could just barely be seen using a telescope. It was a young man, handsome beyond compare covered in dust.


    He smiled as he looked at the earth from the remains of the moon, he said, ¡°I told you I¡¯d be back¡±