《Insectasaur》 Where The Fuck Did My Arms Go? Having an average, normal day in his average normal life, Grandpa Bill was walking down the street to the store. He just ran out of milk and his wife has been badgering him to get some He walks into the store goes down aisle three and grabs the milk. At the cash register he hears a bang, and then another bang, and then another and another. "Quit firing off those damn firecrackers you good forsaken hooligans, back in my day-" And then he was shot, in the back of the head by the man with the big revolving "firecracker". Darkness..... Darkness...... Even more darkness...... ''Why the fuck is it so dark?'' ''Ugh it feels like I''m swimming but my arms are tied to my sides. And instead of water I feel like I''m swimming through cow shit, bad thing is I know exactly how that''s like. What''d that fish say in that movie with the orange fish that lost his dad? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Sounds like a helluva plan to me.'' Darkness......... Darkness........... Even more darkness........If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. Hours and hours passed by like this. Darkness surrounding you to the point where all you know is darkness. ''Darkness..........'' ''Darkness...........'' ''Light......Ugh it just never ends does it?'' ''Wait, light?'' Yes! I can see it through the cracks! Damn how far was I down? Just a few more minutes and I can be at the light!'' Five minutes passed and like a humpback whale emerging from the ocean, the old Grandpa flew out of the ground. ''Ah it feels good to finally stretch my arms and legs!'' ........ ''Speaking of my arms and legs, I can''t seem to move them. Oh well, I''ll just crawl along this road here until the feeling comes back in them.'' ............ ''Holy hell it''s fucking tough, I was a whole lot easier just swimming it.'' ''I feel like I''m getting somewhere now! Oh yeah here we go! I think I see an ocean! Cmon arms, c''mon legs, hurry and wake the fuck up, we could''ve been there by now!'' Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed. Twenty minutes passed. ''A-ah I''m finally at the ocean, maybe now I can finally get some well deserved rest.'' And that''s what he did he layed down and fell asleep. _______________________ ''Ugh my ba-. Wait, this doesn''t feel right, my back isn''t sore, my joints don''t ache, my morning wood isn''t up this morning! Ah it''s probably just from that rigorous swimming and crawling yesterday.'' ''My arms and legs still feel numb, oh well nevermind that now. I''m kinda thirsty but in a weird way where it''s not just my throat, it''s my entire body. Strange. I can''t get rid of it by thinking about it so I guess I''ll go have a drink. Damn I wish I brought my whiskey.'' He goes down to the ocean. ''No...... No..... No. No. No. No. This can''t be happening! It''s a lie! I''ll not believe my eyesight! This is my worst nightmare! I look like my grandfather''s dick!? I Was Made Into A.......Worm!? As the used-to-be Grandpa looked down at the ocean he suddenly realized something........ "NOOOOOOOOOO" .......that he was a worm. ''How in the hell did this happen? All I remember is a sharp pain in my head and then poof! Everything fades to black. Maybe it''s just a dream, maybe I survived that shot and right now some hot nurse is fondling me while I''m in a coma trying to wake me up. Yeah that''s it! I''m in a coma! I''m not crazy, I''m not crazy at all!'' "Ahem, are you done rambling over there worm?" The worm looked up and saw a battalion of small, glowing, winged people. Some wore long flourishing robes that showed off every curve, others wore shiny plate armor and carried weapons of different sizes and shapes. His training as a soldier in the Vietnam war taught him to analyze every soldier, enemy or ally, and infer what would be the best way to defeat them. He looked at the glowing soldiers and realized something so astonshing to him, that if he had a dick it would instantly shrivel up and retreat. ''They have no guns! The stuff they wear looks like someone robbed a museum, a very cheap museum at that.'' "Are you implying that the finest soldiers in all of Ramnagoria are some cheap mercenaries that you can find in any run down tavern?" And at the head of the army, gently floating in the air was the most eye-catching one of all. Dazzling hair as white as snow rolled down her back, ears as sharp as knives, and a robe so golden and green you''d believe it was made of sunlight and nature itself. And that crown! Who could forget the crown befitting such a person that she basically screams royalty. But among all those other things, the most eye catching part of her was her face. The angels themselves feel such pride when they gaze down at her face. Cold yet sincere like a mountain spring.This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. ''Damn I can''t wait to get in her pants. She probably has a white bush too, it''d be like playing in the snow!'' "Ah! You shall do no such thing you vile creature!" Her face flushed in anger the bedazzling, floating women took a sword from a soldier. "I would slay you here and now if I was not so curious as to where you came from!" She said as she pointed the sword at the worm''s neck? Head? Tail? She didn''t know what to make of this disgustingly lewd earthworm. "Tell me what I want to know and I may let you live!" It just dawned on the Grandpa worm that he had no mouth! How could he tell her what had happened to him ever since his brain fucked the bullet? But then how did she know what he said? "Oh you slimy imbecile, I can read your thoughts, and everyone else''s who are in my domain." '' Right that makes perfect sense. I knew it, I''m headed to the Looney bin. Population, me and every single person who dreamt they became a worm just to be harrased by a sexier version of Tinkerbell. Well I''m already headed there so I might as well play along now. Ahem, my name is........my name is.......... Fuck I forgot it! Anyway just call me Grandpa Worm, and this might sound crazy but I''m from another world.'' "Preposterous! I can''t believe such a lewd creature has developed the magic of inter-dimensional travel!" ''Look here b*tch, the only thing that is preposterous is that ass you got! It''s almost flatter than your breasts! Don''t give me that look, I can see those fruits you stuffed in there. Shit my 10 year old grandson has more cleavage than you'' If her face resembled a fire earlier, now it looks like a volcano about to explode. "DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!" The 5 inch queen screeched. She slashed the soldier''s sword down upon the vile worm with all her might. It moved so fast it was as if light itself became a blade. And just about when the blade reached the worm she felt a shock. A shock so hard she ended up being knocked back into the ocean behind her. [Host has satisfied criteria for system to be awakened.] [Near-death experience: Accomplished] [Reincarnation: Accomplished] [Extremely attractive and vengeful enemy: Accomplished] [Starting system. Hello, and welcome to the One Hundred Million Year Evolution system. A system that helps the weakest creatures alive go through a process which should take a hundred million years] [Host has met the criteria to learn the skill ''Fool''s Luck''. Would you like to learn it?] The Hundred Million Year Fuck My Education System [Host has met the criteria to learn the skill ''Fool''s Luck''. Would you like to learn it?] ''Great, now not only am I hallucinating about slutty tinkerbells, but now I''m hearing voices in my head. Yeah I got a one way ticket to the funny farm, they already got my padded room booked and my jacket size. Well, I might as well go along with it, I mean I don''t think it could get any stranger.'' [Host has met the criteria to learn the skill ''Fool''s Luck''. Would you like to learn it?] ''Yeah, sure. Why not?'' [Host has accepted to learn the skill ''Fool''s Luck''.] [Get laughed at by God: Accomplished] [Have a stroke of good luck at a bad time: Accomplished] [Integrating skill] A bright green light flowed over Grandpa Worm''s body and covered him in it for about a second. Just as quick as it came it left. And as the light receded a bit was left behind on his neck. The light left behind formed a ring around his neck, (maybe?), like a collar. [Integration complete. The host has learned the skill ''Fool''s Luck''.] [Fool''s Luck: People say God watches over drunks and fool''s, and you qualify to be one of them. Good job! Fool''s Luck increases the probability of good things happening in your favor.] Grandpa Worm looked bewildered, or as bewildered as a worm could look. He didn''t know what happened or what any of this meant. The One Hundred Million Year Evolution System could go kiss his ass for all he cares. What had him so confused was the light. It washed over him for one second and it was gone. For that one second he felt something greater than sex, (if only by a little bit), wash over his whole body and then disappear like a shadow. ''Damn that felt good! Let''s do it again!.'' [Host can only go through process once again by learning or leveling up skills]If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ''You say that word over and over again but I have no clue what you mean. I have certain skills in the bedroom if that is what you''re referring to, in fact I could even show you.'' [System would have to decline the offer] [Skills are things hosts can learn. Skills can affect the host or enable the host to do certain actions] ''Well enough of that for now. Pancake boobs is coming back.'' The fairy queen got up, stunned by both the shock and what she just heard. After the green light disappeared she finally snapped out of it. Her rage turned into killing intent as she gazed upon the 2 inch worm with the neon green light around it''s neck. Skills are extremely hard to come by, only by one studying day and night for years could someone learn a skill on the basic level. She was beyond furious. She stormed over to the worm intending to wring it''s neck and drain the skill out bit by bit. She didn''t care that when her robe got wet it became transparent. She didn''t care that the underwear she wore was covered in little teddy bears. And she definitely didn''t care that there were a few white hairs poking out of it. "What the hell do you think you are doing you vile creature? Talking to God''s angel like it''s some sort of tramp. I''ll have to teach you some manners." Just as she was about a foot away from Grandpa Worm the neon green ring around his neck flashed and her teddy bear panties fell to the floor, exposing her entirely. ''So your bush really is white? I wonder, does it feel like snow?.'' Just as Grandpa Worm thought this, he put his head up to her exposed area and felt the white hair. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" The Queen screamed out in disgust. The army was so confused they didn''t know what to do. They felt confident in their queen, but the astoundment from the green light still left them dazed and at this new turn of events they felt a mixture of embarrassment and horniness. "Will you cowards do nothing?" This voice came from a young fairy man in front. Dressed in yellow leather armor with a broadsword on his back was the general of the army. Despite his young age he was the most capable man for the job. He is even the most likeliest suitor for the Queen''s daughter. Anyone who hasn''t heard of Sir Caspian''s prominence on the battlefield lived under the dirt. Being the first to recover from the shock, he strided over to the lecherous Grandpa Worm and kicked him off the queen sending him flying. "Worm! I may not have the Queen''s telapathic capabilities, but I am smart enough to know that you can understand what I am saying. That is why I am issuing to you a death match tomorrow at dawn. I am not so dishonorable as to kill you now, go ahead and pray your prayers. If you try to escape between now and then, my scouts will have you dead before you can even blink." Saying what he had to say, Sir Caspian went over and helped the flustered queen pick up her panties and then gently picked her up and flying away. The army, of course, flew off after them. ''I don''t know what the fuck just happened but damnit! It was worth it for that!'' Preparation For Decimation ''Damn, just when everything was getting good Twinkle-Toes the faggot fairy had to ruin it! Death match at dawn, shit I''ll show him!'' While Grandpa Worm thought this, he immediately looked around and surveyed his surroundings. As he was tired from the day before and because the bitch queen and her army of cocksuckers had distracted him, he never had time to look around and see where he was at. He finally realized how small he was. The grass stood about 3 inches above the ground. If he lifted his head up, Grandpa worm could only get about two inches above the ground and if he was lying on the ground he was about 3 inches, 3 and a half if he stretched. ''Damn. I''m in a tough pickle right now. If I run I''m dead and if I fight I''m dead. Of course I could dig under ground and hide, but since this is all some strange hallucination it doesn''t really matter! Since it doesn''t matter I''ll fight Twinkle-Toes and shove his sword up his ass!'' ''Seeing as how he could kick me aside so easy, I''ll have to train. If I want to kick his sparkly ass. By the way system, how does this whole training and and leveling thing work?'' [The system will give the host a rundown of the system''s basic operations. Skills can normally be aquired by training a certain way. For example, a person who wants the swordsmanship skill would have to practice with a sword for years to gain the skill and years more to level it up.] Despar set in Grandpa Worm''s heart. ''Years and years? Ain''t there a way to bypass that?'' [That is how normally one attains a skill but since you have the One Hundred Million Year Evolution System you can learn skills by meeting a certain criteria and your leveling speed will be a lot faster than most sentient beings.] ''So I had to do a few things to learn learn Fool''s Luck? And what''s with this glowing green ring around my neck?'' [When a skill is learned, certain changes will be made to the body and or mind. The skill from earlier, the swordsmanship skill, if that was learned then all the muscles pertaining to the skill would strengthen and a vast amount of knowledge about swords would be learned.] Grandpa Worm pondered this. ''So by learning skills I can get stronger?'' [Yes] ''Hell yeah, I''m going straight from a beer belly to a pack of abs! Who gives a shit I''m a worm, soon I''ll be a worm with abs!'' And on that note Grandpa Worm set off in search of a powerful enemy. Not long after, he finds the perfect prey................a butterfly. Or more precise a monsterous butterfly that has been known to attack and kill birds. With a wingspan of over a foot long and as long as 4 inches, it''s mouth, a straw-like mouth that is curled up and could be extended called a proboscis, is so sharp that as it flies it honestly in on it''s prey killing it on the first strike and then they drink their preys'' blood.You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. As Grandpa Worm didn''t know this he just thought it was a big, yellow butterfly with red spots. If he wasn''t so blinded by getting stronger he might have noticed the bird carcass lying in front of the butterfly. He crawled ever so slowly closer to the butterfly. When he finally got close enough to where he could pounce on it, the neon green ring around his neck began to glow and give off a small hum. The butterfly finally noticed Grandpa Worm. It stopped eating it''s meal and took off towards the sky, circling back to face Grandpa Worm and then accelerating towards him with it''s spear-like mouth. ''Dammint! I thought this piece of shit was supposed to give me good luck! He was scared shitless, he wanted to run but his military training held him there and forced him to come up with a better solution. A split second later he got one. Just as the butterfly was about to turn him into a worm kebab, he moved quickly to his right. The butterfly was left stuck in the ground. [Criteria met. Would the host like to learn the ''Evade'' skill?] ''Yes!'' [Dodging an incoming attack: Accomplished] [Host has met criteria for ''Evade''skill. Integrating skill] Grandpa Worm was bathed in a warm orange light, and as the light left him he could feel his muscles around his core area get firmer. ''Damn that felt good. So this is what it''s like learning a new skill.'' Due to his sudden excitement, Grandpa Worm didn''t see the butterfly getting unstuck from the ground and taking off again for another attack. It was ok though, Grandpa Worm had a plan. As soon as he saw the butterfly circling back, Grandpa work was prepared. The worm descended upon the worm again, but again only hit dirt. The worm had done moved out of the way! ''I got em right where I want em now! Time to release all my pent up stress into my super, killing, earth-shattering Worm Punch!'' Grandpa Worm drew back it''s tail and punched the butterfly in it''s head. ''................'' The butterfly didn''t even flinch. In fact it gave Grandpa Worm a very mocking look. It was at this time a wind blew by and knocked a stick out of the trees. The stick cranshed into branch after branch and the fell towards the butterfly, crashing through it''s wing and stuck in the ground. ''.....................'' ''URRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH'' Grandpa Worm saw the opportunity and released Worm Punch after Worm Punch after Worm Punch after Worm Punch after Worm Punch after Worm Punch. Only after a whole two hours did the butterfly finally breath it''s last breath. [Criteria met. Would the host like to learn the skill ''Worm Punch''?] Grandpa Worm looked dumbfounded. He was tired and finally after hitting the butterfly for two hours did he finally kill it and gain a skill. ''Yeah'' [Being a worm: Accomplished] [Killing an enemy by hitting it with your tail: Accomplished [Criteria has been met. Integrating skill] Grandpa Worm was bathed in a red light. It invigoated him he felt the muscles around his tail harden considerably [Integration complete. Would host like to review the newly acquired skills?] ''Sure, why not?'' [Evade:Increases dodging rate by 10%. It may be the easiest skill to obtain but it''s a skill every noob needs.] ''I don''t know why but I feel like the system insulted me. These young folks and their slang! Anyway let''s see the next one, oh mystical voice in my head that makes me feel like aschizophrenic!'' [Worm Punch: Increases strength when hitting with your tail by 15%, makes tail 0.0001% harder for each hit. It''s the weakest attack ever. You suck.] Grandpa Worm couldn''t help but feel like the system didn''t like him. ''Fuck it, let''s go find something else to kill.'' The Unstoppable Worm Punch! After killing the butterfly, Grandpa Worm went in search of a new enemy. He wandered around for what seemed like forever, but was only around five minutes. He finally decided to rest underneath the shade of a tree. He layed there relaxing in the shade. And then he was overcome by a sense of thirst. His whole body was thirsty. Luckily there was an ocean nearby him.. He crawled there towards that large body of water pondering something. ''If it was an ocean, wouldn''t the salt have dried me out? Yeah! It really would have! This just proves how small I am. It''s probably a small lake.'' Yep, it''s a lake! Good job Grandpa Worm. A few minutes later Grandpa worm came upon the lake and then submerged himself in it. The green ring around his neck started to shine brightly. ''Turn off you stupid light! You might attract the fish!'' Luckily after a minute of being in the water he got out. He started to head back towards the area he was at when he killed that butterfly but then he saw a sight scarier than anything else. It had needle-like hairs on it''s four legs, it''s claws bigger than his whole body and a body so spiky that a snake would die if one tried to squeeze it to death. It''s body glistened in the sunlight as a liquid dropped down from it''s claws. It was a 6 inch tall purple praying mantis, sitting on a stump in some meditative position. It hadn''t noticed Grandpa Worm yet, but as he tried to scoot away he faced another dilemma. There was another mantis blocking his path! ''Its alright, I can just head back to the lake.'' He turned around and saw a third mantis. Being surrounded by the trio of venomous mantises, Grandpa Worm instantly made a decision. He began to dig! As soon as he got started however, he heard a clicking noise. "Klik klik klik.......... I''m afraid that will not do my prey. Klik klik klik klik........... You see we have you in a dangerous predicament. One that you cannot escape with your life. May death have mercy on you." This was all said by the purple meditating mantis, or as the other mantises call him, Grandmaster Manty.Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Grandpa Worm lifted his head up. '' How the fuck am I supposed to get out of this now? Damn son of a whore can''t read my mind and I sure as shit can''t talk!'' "Hah, klik klik............ I feel as though you are a warrior. Interesting....... Face my grandson, the one on the left, and defeat. Do so and I''ll let you live. Does that sound fair? Grandmaster Manty would not want to take advantage of the weakest. You have an opportunity to deem yourself worthy, don''t waste it!" Grandpa Worm looked to his left and was dumbfounded. He saw a mantis just like the others speeding towards him at an unbelievably fast pace. "Faster than the wind, faster than the waves, faster than the lightning, my life it saves" The mantis repeated this chant over and over as it was rushing to kill the worm. Less than 10 inches from the worm. 9,8,7, Grandpa Worm could only look on in astonishment. 6 invhes, 5 inches, 4 and a half inches. The mantis reaches out with his claws when he was no less than 3 inches away. ''Thislooks like the end of my hallucenogenic dream. It was nice knowing you.''. A moment passes. ''I''m not dead yet?! I''M NOT DEAD YET!?'' Grandpa Worm looked around for the mantis. He layed not 6 inches behind him. Two of his legs broken off and a third bent at an odd angle. As the mantis was chanting and running, he payed no attention to the ground below him and stuck his foot in the small hole Grandpa Worm tried to escape in. ''HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY CHANCE HAS COME!!!!!'' Grandpa Worm crawled as fast as he could to the mantis. Wary of it''s claws, he went behind it where he knew it couldn''t reach him. He the repeatedly Worm Punched the purple mantis in the head. "Hehe it tickles." The mantis being punched said. As the minutes went by, the punch became gradually tougher. The laughs of a dying Purple Martial Mantis slowly drifted into terrifying screams of pain. [Criteria met: Would the host like to learn the ''Torture'' skill? '' I don''t like the looks of this one..... Fuck it, hell yeah, give it to me!'' [Torture a sentient being to death: Accomplished] [Integrating skill] An orange light washed over the worm. [Integration complete] [Torture: 10% more pain is caused when inflicting physical injuries. Brings a slightly intimidating aura. Congratulations you can torture people more than Mikey Cyrus!] Grandmaster Manty watched all this in shocked silence. He never believed that his grandson, the next head of his clan, would be so humiliatingly tortured by a worm. He could have intervened but then he would be going back on his word. He watched the worm as it slowly crawled towards the pond, already plotting his revenge.