《Records of an Archmage》


 Chapter 1: Valk

    My eyes open to a familiar sight. The same two faces are looking down at me, smirking. I¡¯m lying on the cold stone floor of the temple once again.


    ¡°Aww¡­ poor Valk. How many times is that? 6?¡± The blond woman giggles as she asks a question she damn well knows the answer to.


    ¡°Hey, Selene come on¡­ don¡¯t make fun of him. He can¡¯t help it.¡± A handsome brown-haired man scolds her but a playful smile appears on his face as he continues, ¡°What he¡¯s trying to do is both stupid and difficult. Mostly stupid, though.¡±


    These two scoundrels are called Selene and John. Seemingly, they have nothing better to do today but wait around at the Temple of Light to make fun of me.


    I spring up from the ground, making sure to headbutt John on the way up. I have a much harder head than he does. Diamond-head Valk is one of my nicknames. I¡¯m not very proud of this nickname, but I have worse titles attached to me.


    Holding his bleeding forehead, he screams, ¡°Ow! You bastard!¡±


    ¡°Haha! You never learn you idiot Paladin! That¡¯s the third time today.¡±


    Cackling, I sprint out of the temple before John can exact his revenge. I throw a bag of coins at the priestess before leaving, paying for the healing I just received for the sixth time today.


    Behind me I hear Selene laugh and say, ¡°Hey, idiot Paladin, pay up. You bet he could do it in the first six tries.¡±


    Once I¡¯m outside the temple, I pull out a teleportation scroll and use it. The destination? The Barren Northlands.


    Why there? Well, I need a lot of space to perfect the spell I just invented. It doesn¡¯t even have a finalized name yet. I¡¯m trying to become the first person in history to mix two elements in a God-class spell. The fact that no one¡¯s done it before doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s impossible.


    A lot of people did think it was stupid when I started my research on it¡­ but I¡¯ve theorized about the topic for a long time, and it should work out.The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    As it stands, I can only attempt the new spell 7 times today. That¡¯s because my life-saving magic can only be used 7 times a month. Yup, I only have one use left for this month. But it¡¯s worth it, I promise. This God-class spell is pretty cool if I do say so myself. I mean¡­ I haven¡¯t actually seen it work yet, but it should be cool. If it would just stop backfiring right before activation, everything would be great.


    I learned a lot from my last six attempts, so this time should work for sure.


    With a flash of light, I find myself in the empty wilderness. An enormous mountain range can be seen in the distance stretching out as far as the eye can see. Six gigantic craters are spread out on the otherwise vacant landscape.


    Those were there before I started. (No, he made those.)


    A strong breeze whips my silver hair around and forces me to squint as it kicks up dust.


    Repeatedly using a short-range teleport, Blink, I move away from those nature-made craters. I find some nice, flat ground a good distance away.


    I take a deep breath and replenish my mana. Once it''s full again, I focus, and begin the incantation.


    ¡°Hell¡¯s fire brings darkness,


    Heaven¡¯s thunder brings light¡­¡±


    The clear blue sky quickly becomes filled with black clouds. Lightning dances in the heavens as I continue to chant a newly modified version of the incantation.


    One complaint I have about this spell is that the incantation is too long. 64 lines total! That¡¯s how long it is! What kind of enemy is going to wait for me to finish casting this thing? The first thing on my to-do list after mastering this spell is to figure out how to do a Cast Shortening on it.


    As I finish the chant, I yell out the placeholder name, ¡°Hell-thunder Annihilation: Cleansing Flame¡±


    9 huge, pure-black bolts of lightning descend with unbelievable speed. They decimate a wide area of the ground when they crash into the earth. The lightning falls 7 times, with 9 enormous bolts of black lightning raining down each time. At the same time, 18 pillars of white flame erupt from the ground. As they sweep through the wasteland, they leave devastation in their wake.


    As soon as the last round of lightning crashes to the ground, the pillars of white flame dissipate into nothingness. The black clouds disappear, and the world regains its calm.


    The ground in front of me for at least a mile is completely destroyed.


    I crouch down weakly, having expended all of my mana. I fall to my back and raise my hand to the sky. I start grinning as I clench my fist in excitement at seeing my hard work finally bear fruit. Just in time too. War is on the horizon.


    ¡°Haha, that was pretty cool.¡±

 Chapter 2: Pro Wrestler Wife

    ¡°8 gold each?! You shitty dwarf, it was 3 gold a week ago!¡±


    ¡°Times change you shitty human, demand is skyrocketing.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m the only one who buys these!¡±


    Right now, I¡¯m in the workshop of the best Blacksmith in the capital. The black-haired dwarf in front of me is Gill Coldaxe. This greedy Child of Earth is trying to cheat me of my money...  Hehe. Just watch as I pull you down, Gill.


    ¡°Sana! Gill¡¯s been drinking again instead of working!¡± I yell.


    Gill the Master Blacksmith smiles condescendingly and says, ¡°Heh. Valk, I won¡¯t fall for that again. Sana¡¯s running errands in the next town over.¡±


    Haha, this dummy didn¡¯t see me cast a medium-range portal behind him before I yelled.  Directly behind Gill, a rift in space silently appears in the air.  On the other side of the rift, a fair-haired dwarven woman stares at the back of the burly man in front of me.


    A shrill voice rings out, ¡°Gill Coldaxe!! The deadlines for all those custom orders are so close and you dare slack off and drink again??¡±


    Panic descends on the bearded face in front of me.  He spins around to face his wife, and ¡°somehow¡± the hammer he was holding has turned into a pint of beer. He doesn''t realize it yet.


    ¡°Wha? No, I wouldn¡¯t dare! I haven¡¯t had a sip all day.¡±


    ¡°Then just what are you holding? Huh? You think I¡¯m blind? You think I¡¯m dumb? Huh?¡±


    Gill looks at the glass in his hand and knows he''s been duped. It''s too late. Sana steps through the portal and grabs hold of Gill. She lifts him over her head with ease.  She throws his sturdy body to the ground before performing the People¡¯s Elbow.


    ¡°San- Oof! Sana, wait! This isn¡¯t! Ouch! Valk did this! Ahhh!¡±


    ¡°Valk put beer in your hand? Ridiculous!¡±


    I grin as I watch Sana perform all sorts of professional wrestling moves on her husband. Dang, a Suplex followed by a Piledriver? That¡¯s gotta hurt.


    After a while, I interrupt as Sana catches Gill in an armbar, ¡°Hey, Sana.  Don¡¯t hurt him too bad, he still has a good amount of work to do.¡±


    Gill breathes a sigh of relief as his torment ends. Sana stares unblinkingly at her husband as she walks back through the portal to continue her errands. She smiles at me and waves before the rift closes.


    I cast some beginner-class healing magic on Gill after waving back. I only know these low-level healing spells due to my incompatibility with Holy magic.


    I move up next to Gill and whisper in his ear, ¡°Hasn¡¯t it been a while since you saw your in-laws? Her Majesty surely misses her cute little grandson by now.¡±


    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Gill¡¯s eyes widen and he whispers, ¡°You wouldn¡¯t.¡±


    I laugh, ¡°Haha you¡¯re right I wouldn¡¯t. That would be far too cruel to you and to Kaln especially. Anyways, here¡¯s 24 gold for the 3 pieces of Obsidian.¡±


    Gill¡¯s face starts turning red. That¡¯s how I know he¡¯s about to explode.


    He speaks slowly, probably trying to calm himself down, ¡°If...you were going¡­ to pay full price the whole time¡­ then... why? Sana?¡±


    Obviously, I would be aware of the trouble in the mines causing prices to skyrocket. I¡¯m an Archmage. I know things.


    This idiot dwarf wouldn¡¯t try to raise prices without a reason. The reason I got him in trouble? Well, I was just bored today, is all. Now, I am thoroughly amused. I won¡¯t tell him that though, he¡¯s already close to exploding.


    I shrug, pick up my ore and run out of the shop. As I come out onto the street, the first person I see is a little dwarf boy with dirt covering almost every part of him.


    ¡°Big-bro Valk!¡±


    ¡°Kaln, you brat, how are you so dirty?¡±


    I cast Aqua Rush but I restrict its strength.  A jet of water shoots out of my hand and quickly but thoroughly cleans Kaln.  I then cast a weakened Heat Wave to dry him up quickly. Elite-class magic sure comes in handy for mundane activities.


    Kaln smiles and says, ¡°Thanks, big bro! I was just practicing by fightin¡¯ some earth elementals like ya told me to.¡±


    This 7-year old brat is a close-combat prodigy. His martial arts are already at a higher level than a lot of the older monks I¡¯ve seen.  Hehe, he must have a great teacher.


    Kaln says, ¡°Big bro, 5,000 repetitions is too easy now.¡±


    I respond, ¡°Ok, do 10,000 tomorrow. Find me afterwards. It''s time for a new technique.¡±


    That¡¯s right. I¡¯m his teacher.


    ¡°Kaln, fair warning, your dad¡¯s really close to erupting.¡±


    A look of resignation appears on the face of a youth that doesn¡¯t even know the meaning of the word ¡°resignation.¡±


    ¡°Big bro, ya gotta stop using mom to bully dad.¡±


    I snort and look down at him with cold arrogance, ¡°Kaln, you are far too young to understand the sophisticated need for amusement of an adult such as me.¡±


    Kaln the dwarven child looks at my proud expression and sighs. Shaking his small head, he walks towards the workshop.


    I walk the wide, paved streets of the capital until I come upon an immensely tall tower.  Dozens of flags hang from it, all sharing the same symbol. The emblem consists of two silver staves forming an ¡®X¡¯ above a pure-black fist that aims at the sky. It is my symbol. It shows off my two identities. I am both a powerful practitioner of the Martial Way and an Archmage.


    It¡¯s a lame symbol, I need a new one.  This one was assigned to me.  I want dragons on mine.  Archmage Helix gets dragons. It¡¯s unfair. Discrimination!


    The only reason his symbol has dragons is because he¡¯s the best Dragon Tamer in the country. I have nothing to do with dragons but I should obviously still be able to get a symbol with dragons on it. It doesn¡¯t matter that the flag symbol is supposed to be an accurate representation of the expertise of the Archmage!


    I walk into my tower grumbling about dragons when my maid greets me.


    ¡°Master Valk, you¡¯ve been summoned by the King. He says it¡¯s urgent.¡±


    ¡°Haaah. Fine. I¡¯ll go see Fatty now. This is probably about the invasion.¡±


    ¡°Master¡­ He¡¯s not fat anymore! It¡¯s been at least a decade. You know he hates that nickname. I beg you to at least call him by his real name.¡±


    ¡°No. He¡¯ll always be Fatty to me. More importantly.  Petition for Symbol Change?¡±


    ¡°Denied again. I¡¯ve already applied once more.¡±


    ¡°Good work, Theresa. Never give up. Never surrender.¡±


    I curse the Mage Association under my breath before heading out to the palace.