《Dis-abilities》


 What. the. f*ck.

    "Oh fuck."


    Wait sorry, PG? Hell no I am notdoing that, you may have shoved me through a death-defying adventure but you sure as shit aintcensoring me. Deal with it.


    Oh yeah, my name''s James. And I hate everything about my life. Why? Oh because I guess if you put a regular teenager in a dangerous foreign situation where his entire worldview is shattered, they tend to hate you, and yes I am talking about my fucktard of an author.


    Why do I dislike my author?


    Ok first of all I hate him, second of all this guy didn''t just throw in the regular ingredients for an epic story, instead he decided to milk every ounce of helpless danger out of it, meaning of course that he used me, a retarded kid as the main character. And no I wasn''t cursing. I''m actually a diagnosed retard.


    One day, a group of us, five individual disabled kids woke up where they weren''t supposed to be, my first thought was that I had been shoved out of the tent that I had been sharing with my normal ass brother the night before, but then I sat up and realized that that was not the truth. I was in forest, and looking up into the balcony of the trees like I was before should have told me something was amiss, but I agnored it and didn''t realize the gravity of the situation until I looked around.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    That¡¯s when I cursed, that first sentence you read, "Oh fuck." I said when I saw the other kids sprawled around me in unnatural sleeping positions. We were definitely not anywhere I recognized, and these people were not the ones I saw every week at physical therapy, they were complete strangers.


    I stood up, slowly as that was the only way to do it without falling over, thenlooked around. We were outside, in the woods, the sun was just peeking over a mountain in the distance, one I didn''t recognize.


    Soon everyone else began to wake up as well,another mentally retarded kid began crying, fucking baby. I was the first person standing up, so naturally everyone who had the brains to turned to me. "Hi," I said, "James." I pointed at myself with a thumb. Hi, James? How fucking stupid am I? That is not a proper sentence!


    A guy with a normal sized head and body, but arms and legs not worth shit walked up to me, "How old are you?" He asked.


    Of course, in my head I said sixteen, but out loud I said "six ten." How fucking stupid...


    The dwarf squinted at me then said, "No, you didn''t do it."


    "What?" I asked.


    The dwarf, who had begun to turn away spun around again, "You didn¡¯t drag us all out here you big pile of dung, at least not on your own."


    I agreed by nodding.


    The dwarf turned back around and looked at the rest of the group, we were the biggest, saddest, dumbest, most helpless bunch of retards to walk the face of the planet, and we were all alone, out in the middle of a forest, with no idea what we would do.Thanks Author.

 Who the f*ck?

    The first thing this dwarf guy started doing was barking orders. He pointed at a girl off to the side, and told me to help her to a log, which I did, and by that time he had already gotten the other two kids there.


    After we were all sitting the dwarf introduced himself, "I''m Colin," He said, "And it looks like, number one; we are all lost together in an unknown wilderness. And number two, I am clearly the oldest."


    "How old?" I asked.


    Colin gave me a knowing glance, which just made me angrier at him, then answered, "I''m in my thirties, that''s all you need to know."


    I smirked, this guy was old and he knew it, but then he kept talking, "How old are you?" Colin asked.


    Are you fucking shitting me right now? I thought, why does it matter how old I am? How old do I fucking look, I''m wearing a spiderman onsie for shits sake! Then the girl sitting next to me answered and I remembered that Colin had already asked me that question, "nineteen," She said.


    "What is your name?" Colin asked.


    "Samantha." The girl said pointedly.


    Colin asked her another question, "And tell me what your strengths are."


    Samantha cleared her throat and kept staring straight ahead, "I''m blind," She said.


    Colin nodded, and leaned forward, putting his hands on his thighs as he did, a dwarf''s equivalent of squatting, "I can see that," He said, "But I asked what your strengths were, not what your ailment was."The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    The forest was quiet for a minute while everyone processed what Colin had said. A bird chirped somewhere and all at once we all realized that we didn¡¯t have any strengths, we had always defined ourselves by our disabilities.


    "I... " Started Samantha, "I can sow a little, but I don''t see how that''s helpful."


    "Oh no," Colin started, "No, no, no, that will be plenty helpful, if you can sow blind, that means you have a great sense of touch, which we''ll probably be needing."


    I could tell he was lying.


    On the other side of Samantha was a little boy with a cleft-lip. Meaning the front of his top lip stretched up making his entire face look horridly lopsided. When Colin turned to him he just stared blankly. Colin appeared to think for a minute then leaned forward and spoke quite loudly, "How old are you?" He asked, yelling.


    The boy Nodded, then responded quietly, "Fourteen."


    Colin leaned in once again, "Wat is your name?" Knowing this author, the yelling will probably attract everything dangerous within ten miles from us.


    "Adrian." The boy responded.


    Colin apparently thought better of asking him what his skills were, and moved on to the next, and last kid. It was a girl, she looked fine from the waist up, but Colin had had me pick her up and sit her on the log, so everyone already knew she couldn¡¯t move her legs.


    "What is your name?" Colin asked.


    "Percilla," The girl replied, "Percilla davidson."


    Colin nodded, "How old are you?"


    "Sixteen."


    Wow, fuck you author. Two people of the same age and opposite gender just happen to be in the same situation together? I don¡¯t fucking think so.


    Colin asked once again, "And what can you do?"


    Percilla thought for a minute, "I have strong arms, because of having to drive my wheelchair everywhere."


    "Alright," Colin said, standing up, "Good, now that I know your strength''s and your weaknesses, I can plan a way to get off this stinking mountain."