《Jane Doe Chronicles - The Case of the missing Imaginary Friend》


 Chapter 1 - Sunday interrupted

    It''s not often that a lesbian shapeshifting magical assassin has a knock on the door at 3:45 in the afternoon on a Sunday. Usually, we either get the door blown off, or we''re already busy at work shapeshifting and magically assassinating someone. Otherwise, we tend to lie-in, go down to the local ''spoons for a Sunday roast, mooch back home and lounge about a bit then have afternoon tea and cake, following by more lounging. We like our Sundays to be restful.


    ''Wommetgeddit?'' asked Dawn around a mouthful of Victoria sponge and Assam loose-leaf tea.


    ''No, you''re fine, wouldn''t want to scare whoever it is away,'' I grumbled as pushed myself up from my oxblood oxford and lowered the Bakeswell slice I''d been about to devour. Casting spells and whatnot requires a high-level of calorific intake. Cake was key to that intake.


    None of the Wards we''d set on the house had been set off, which was strange. Living in Kirton and Crediton as we do (a split universe/time thing, Dr. Who would be jealous), we had to set a number of Wards that would keep non-magical members of the community, Mundanes, away. Especially as in both times the thought of two womenliving together was still a cause for salacious gossip amongst those of the older generation.


    Looking through the keyhole I saw nothing. Well, not nothing per se, just no-one outside. Closing the keyhole, I muttered a few curses to myself when there was another knock on the door. From about half-way. Doing what I should have done the first time, I flicked on the CCTV screen and stared at the human outside.


    About 4-foot tall, she stood sucking on a thick strand of hair whilst looking at the door with a screwed up face. It was a child. Definitely not a small human, a child. Which is why the Wards hadn''t triggered. She was too innocent (hopefully) to trip the Detect Evil Intent Wards, too small a body mass to trip the Bad Hombre Wards (Dawn''s naming system, not mine) and didn''t have any Magic herself so hadn''t tripped any of the Detect Magic Wards. Even running through the names in my head made my brain ache. Dawn played way too much D''n''D up at Kirton Games.


    Another knock shook me from my reverie. Taking another look I could see that she was determined to keep knocking until someone answered the door.


    ''Bollocks.'' Putting on what I hoped was a friendly smile, I opened the door.


    ''You the witch?'' Well, she was forthright.


    ''Ummm. No. I work for the government.''


    ''As a witch?'' She was also determined.


    ''No, I work in law.'' My face ached from keeping the smile on.Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    ''Killing bad witches?'' I felt as if my mouth was tearing as the grin stretched further.


    ''No. Just law.''


    ''Everyone says you''re a witch. My nan says you''re the witch. She says she has the Sight and can see magic and stuff as part of your or-a.''


    ''Aura.'' Dammit. I wasn''t used to kids and I certainly wasn''t used to them grilling me on the doorstep like this.


    ''Ha!'' She grinned and pointed at me like something out of the Body Snatchers, ''I knew you was a witch!''


    ''What do you want you little shit?'' I bit my lip as the words tumbled out before I could stop them. I was, as my previous - traitorous - mentor would have said, "discombobulated".


    ''Ummm, you fuckin'' said shit.'' she said in a sing-song voice. I cringed with each swear word, an all-too-familiar heat rushing into my cheeks.


    ''Sorry. What do you want. Little girl?'' I deliberately messed with my intonation. Sometimes it helps people focus. Like this time.


    ''Chadrick Shoeshine is missing. I want you to find him.'' Her bottom lip trembled as she spoke and she cast her eyes to the ground.


    ''Who''s that?''


    ''My friend. Only I can see him. He''s missing. He started acting all funny, then all scared and in the end he said he had to run away or some bad people would come and get us. My friend Shanice said her friend Badger was gone too,'' she paused and looked at me, ''she was too scared to come and speak to you. Because you''re a witch.''


    ''I''m not a fu¡­ I''m not a witch ¡­'' I cocked my head, raised an eyebrow and hoped she''d take the visual cue.


    ''Cassandra, Cassie for short. Cass if you''re a friend. You can call me Cass. Hello!'' She bent at the waist and waved past me.


    ''Hello there, I''m Dawn,'' said my assistant as joined me in the door. ''What''s going on?''


    ''My friend Chadrick Shoeshine is missing. I was asking your girlfriend if she''d help me.''


    ''She''s not my girlfriend,'' I said through gritted teeth. As much as I wished she wasn''t, Dawn was one hundred per cent into men.


    ''Well, my nan and her friend Phyllis say you are. I heard them whispering, saying that you were lemon lovers.''


    Dawn nudged me in the side, ''She wishes! We just live together. Share the bills and stuff.''


    ''Anyway,'' I said, clapping my hands together, ''I''m not a witch and I don''t work in the Department of Missing Imaginary Friends.'' And with that I nudged Dawn back and closed the door.


    ''Boss, that was fucking rude,'' said Dawn as she folded her arms, for an apprentice she could be damned bossy. ''You could see she was upset at losing her friend, imaginary or not. And she''s not bloody leaving,'' she finished as there was a very determined thump on the door. Followed by another thump much lower down. I glanced at the CCTV.


    ''She''s kicking the door,'' said Dawn nudging me out of the way this time and opening the door. ''Please don¡¯t kick the door, it doesn''t like it.''


    She had a point. If the kid was able to summon up enough strength to register as a threat, she was likely to be blasted across the street.


    ''I can pay,'' said Cass.


    ''How much?'' I asked, just to see whether she was serious.


    ''I''ve got about ¡ê10 from my birthday, and Shanice has ¡ê5 and some coins.''


    ''Tell you what,'' said Dawn as she knelt down to Cass'' height, ''how you give us a good description of Mr. Shoeshine, and we''ll see if we can do a search.''


    My eyes rolled so hard I could have sworn I saw into the past. Still, as Cass beamed with delight, I realised that I could leave Dawn to deal whilst I returned to my Bakewell slice. I said as much, ignored a glare from Dawn and returned Cass'' smile and wave. Dawn''s face said it all; whether I thought this was a good idea. Whether we were actually going to get paid for it, we had a Mark.

 Chapter 2 - The Game

    The Bakewell was well and truly gone by the time I heard the door close and Dawn''s feet approaching the living room.


    ''She gone then?'' I asked, trying to appear nonchalant. She might be my apprentice, but she had a way of telling me off that left me feeling well and truly chastised. It didn''t help that I was still absolutely head-over-heels in love with her. As such, her approval was something I needed. It was quite pathetic really. I just hoped that in time I might find someone I cared for.


    ''Yeah. She drew this,'' she held up a piece of paper as she spoke, ''it''s a picture of her missing friend.''


    Like any pictures drawn by a seven-year-old it was somewhat sketchy; more of a concept than a full-blown piece of art.


    ''Umm, its a monkey, with a horn on its forehead, wings, a ...'' I squinted, ''fez?''


    ''Yup. He wears a tweed jacket as well.'' Nothing in her tone gave away how she felt about the whole thing.


    ''Right. You do know that imaginary friends are, well, imaginary?''


    ''Most people would say that about Fae, Magick, and Shapeshifters.''


    ''Most people would be wrong, but imaginary friends just don''t exist.'' I crossed my arms, hoping that doing so would add some finality to the matter.


    ''He exists to Cass. She was very, and I mean very, emphatic on this. You sure there''s nothing in the books about imaginary friends?''


    Positive,'' I paused, thought, ''well, pretty positive. Nothing in the books that I''ve used, and certainly nothing in the course books you''re studying.''


    She winced, then tried to cover it up with ''yeah, well that doesn''t mean that there isn''t a book about this. Or that it''s an area of Magick that people have forgotten.''


    Bugger, I thought, that''s a valid point.


    ''Or that adults don''t study because once they''ve grown up they think that the friends were imaginary,'' I said.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    ''Yeah,'' she nodded, plonking herself down into a chair, ''and most kids would just think that if their friend was no longer there, that they''d imagined them in the first place.''


    ''I bloody hate metaphysical concepts,'' I said, reaching for another slice of Bakewell. ''Okay, let''s say, for the moment, that Cass is telling the truth? How the hell are we going to find something, or someone, that we as adults can''t see?''


    ''Well, that''s easy, we just go and speak to someone that can see them.''


    ''What, kids?'' I snorted, spraying a few crumbs around for good measure.


    ''Don''t be daft, we can''t put kids in danger, the Merlins would gut us! No, we speak to people who have the Sight, see if they can see them. If they can, then we can try and get one to guide us.


    I slid a bit further down into my chair, slowly chewing on a piece of almond as I thought it through. No way was I going to suggest that we spoke to Cass'' nan, she sounded like a fucking nightmare and, even worse, a gossip. No, this was going to have to be a contract job. Get someone from within the Magical Community who had the Sight and wasn''t going to take the piss whilst destroying our reputation. Maybe someone on the fringes of the Community.


    ''Why don''t we speak to the O''Learaigh?'' asked Dawn.


    I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to shut out the world and the roaring in my ears at that name. Myself and the O''Learaigh had a history that went back years. A history that I''d managed to not think of for years. It was a memory that I liked to forget, much like I was playing The Game.


    ''The Game,'' I said with a grin. ''Sorry, just thought about that.''


    ''Bitch! I hadn''t thought of the damned thing for bloody weeks!'' Reaching into her pocket she pulled out her phone and started typing on it with a somewhat gleeful vigour, ''Beth''s going to bloody hate me when she gets this text!''


    ''Err, okay. Tight, but okay. Shall we get back on track?'' she nodded, still typing, a small smile on her lips. ''I need you to handle the O''Learaigh, tell him it''s your Mark, a test that I''ve set you. One that you think I want you to fail. He''ll be more than happy to help you then.''


    O''Learaigh was a member of the Folk. In his case, a member of the Fair Folk. Not fair as in Elves mind, but Fair as in dodgems and rigged shooting ranges. I''d once had to carry out a Mark on a few of his people and he''d born a grudge ever since.


    ''Seriously, you''re giving me this as a Mark?'' her eyes goggled at me as she leant forward, phone forgotten.


    ''No, you''re still an apprentice. The Merlins would come down on you like a ton of bricks. I just need you to tell him it''s your Mark. He ... dislikes me. Intensely. It would be easy for him to believe that I''ve set you up to fail or that I''m pushing you too fast.


    ''Oh,'' she slumped back into her chair, ''gutting.


    ''Fuck off woman, you know what the rules are. Anyway, you''ll have to appear as though it''s your Mark, do all the running around, boss whoever gets the job and so on. Plus, you''ll earn serious kudos in his eyes. Despite his failings, he''s a bloody good contact or even friend to have.''


    She brightened up at that, and started to type furiously on her phone again, ''Yeah cool. Let me just ruin Beth''s day and we can go and meet him.''

 Chapter 3 - The OLearaigh

    O''Learaigh stood in the middle of the caravan park, bulging arms folded across a chest so well-defined that it would have made Arnie weep.


    ''Wow. He''s a hunk,'' gasped Dawn as she coasted our Land Rover to a halt, the sound of crunching gravel finally coming to an end.


    ''Yeah, he''s a looker if you''re in to such things. He''s also over one hundred and fifty years.''


    ''Fuck. Off.'' I''d hoped that knowing how old he was would have diminished her ardour for him. No luck. I was surprised she wasn''t licking her lips. ''Does he always go shirtless?''


    ''Always. He''s a strongman.''


    ''No shit Sherlock,'' laughed Dawn.


    ''No, as in job title. Bends bars. Lifts huge weights. Fights all-comers in the ring. If they last thirty seconds they get ¡ê50.''


    ''I bet they never last that long, look at those guns!'' I looked closer to make sure that she wasn''t drooling.


    ''Girl, get your shit together. He knows what effect he has on people, you do not want to give him an edge. Given an inch and he''ll take a mile.''


    ''God, he can take what he wants, I''d t... ooof!'' That last came because of the elbow I''d driven straight into her ribs. Hard. O''Learaigh wasn''t someone you fucked about with, and her vapid antics were likely to get us into a whole world of shit.


    ''Focussed?'' I looked across at her as she tried to regain her breath. She nodded, teeth gritted. ''Remember, this is your case. Don''t fuck it up.''


    I threw my door open and stepped down from the 4x4. O''Learaigh hadn¡¯t moved. He was a man who made Jedi Masters look like impatient school children. There was a zen-like quality about him. His gaze was impenetrable, and it was impossible to tell if he was plotting to kill us, or welcome us. I couldn''t see one micro-expression.


    ''O''Learaigh, thanks for agreeing to see us. This is my apprentice Dawn. She''d like to speak to you about her first Mark.''


    That got a reaction. A tilt of the head and a slight narrowing of the eyes as he shifted his focus from me to her.


    ''Aye, I''d heard dat you''d took arn an apprentice. Fine looking gal ain''t she? One o''yours?''


    ''No, I''m one of yours,'' said Dawn, saving me the effort.


    Guy''s still a prick, I thought as Dawn stepped forward, hand held out.


    ''Sure, an'' that must be grating yeh,'' he said, shaking her hand whilst looking at me.


    ''Fuck''s sake man, drop the bullshit accent, it''s her you''re dealing with. I''m just here to make sure you don''t fuck her over,'' I snapped. A fleeting grin flashed across his face. 1-0 to the home team.Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    ''We ..., I need someone with the Sight. The true Sight, no some shyster. I''ve taken on a Mark which requires it. It probably won''t take any time at all. Open and shut. But I can''t even start it without a Gifted.''


    O''Learaigh nodded, lips pursed. ''How much?'' His accent was gone, replaced by a middle England accent. He could have been from any part of the country.


    ''Well, I''ve taken this on pro bono,'' Dawn said with a smile that looked part hopeful, part sickly.


    ''How much?'' he repeated, looking at me this time.


    ''Fifty a day, plus one hundred finder''s fee.''


    ''Seventy-five, I get a third, they get the fifty, plus the finder''s fee,'' he flexed his arms as he spoke. Experience had taught me that was a clear sign he wouldn''t be budged.


    ''Deal!'' Dawn thrust her hand out.


    ''Deal,'' O''Learaigh replied, spitting into his hand with gusto and shaking hers vigorously. I looked down at my feet, biting my lip as a look of pure horror flashed across her face. If there was one thing Dawn didn''t like, dirty hands was it. Dirty hands with a stranger''s spit on them was her idea of hell.


    Without a word, O''Learaigh dropped her hand, spun on his heels and started to walk to a modest-looking caravan. I nodded sideways to Dawn, giving her the sign to follow first and, once she had started walking - wiping her palm on her jeans frantically - I followed behind.


    Reaching the caravan, O''Learaigh stopped just shy of the steps up, then knocked gently on the door, ''Dave, you decent?


    There was a pause, then the door was opened by a young-looking lad, dark-haired, pale, a speckling of freckles and zits, bright-looking eyes, medium build, no more than fifteen, ''Morning boss, just finishing up on the History of the Fae and the Treaties of Emancipation.''


    ''Good lad, there''s some interesting reading there. Anyway, want to make some easy money?''


    Dave smiled, it lit up his face, totally transforming him. He was going to be a heartbreaker when he was older, ''Always bossman, always. What you need?''


    ''This lady,'' O''Learaigh thumbed over his shoulder towards Dawn, ''is looking to work with someone who has the Sight. It''s fifty a day. Interested?''


    ''Fuck yeah, ''Dave said, looking over at Dawn and giving her a big thumbs up. ''What''s the job?''


    Shit, I thought, this is embarrassing.


    ''Our Mark is someone called Chadrick Shoeshine. He''s a friend of our client and he''s gone missing, as well as a friend of a friend. We don''t have any details on the additional person,'' Dawn said, her tone professional and to the point.


    ''Right. Why you need me though?'' asked Dave.


    ''He''s an imaginary friend,'' said Dawn.


    Laughter exploded from the two men. Full-blown, gut-busting, eye-watering laughter. Dawn and I patiently waited it out.


    ''You''re not fucking serious?'' asked O''Learaigh when he was finally able to stand, face red from exertion, tears still streaking down his cheeks.


    ''The Mark is, yes,'' said Dawn. ''Her friend lost hers too. We reckon that that adults don''t study this area because once they''ve grown up they think that the friends they had were imaginary, but everyone knows that nearly every child has a weak form of the Sight from birth. Most lose it quickly. Some, like you Dave, keep it. Not everyone has a friend like our client either, so it''s more than possible that there''s a whole sub-set of Magick that seems to have been lost or ignored. Or kept quiet.''


    There was a moment of silence. O''Learaigh looked back and forth between myself and Dawn, face blank once more.


    ''Dave? It''s you they''re paying. You up for it?'' said O''Learaigh.


    ''Umm. Yeah? Sure,'' said Dave, most definitely not sounding sure.


    ''Look, even if this turns out to be a load of rubbish, you''ll still be paid,'' said Dawn. ''It would just be nice to have a completed Mark under my belt. Even if it''s one that will see people taking the piss out of me for the rest of my life.'' They shared a grin at that, and I knew immediately that this was a done deal.