《Greatest Xianxia Book》 Chapter 1 - Shui Shen Chapter 1 My name is Shui Shen. I am a fisherman who grew up in a tiny village on the outskirts of the Golden Dragon Continent. Today''s a nice day. As I strolled to my fishing pond, a drop of golden water suddenly fell from the skies. I immediately fainted. I woke up and immediately noticed my fishing rod hovering above me. It was covered in runes and gave off a majestic and ancient aura. "Woah! My family fishing rod was actually a divine treasure all along! " I immediately kneeled and thanked my ancestors inside my heart. I then observed my surroundings.This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. I was just a little bit beside the now golden pond, I grabbed my legendary fishing rod and started to catch some fish. After a couple of seconds, I felt a tug on my legendary fishing rod and immediately reeled it in. "Ah, it''s a big one! " With all my weight, I pulled. I rolled on the ground as my catch fell beside me. "Holy whoah! What are you?!" I tumbled backwards and pointed my fishing rod at the beautiful maiden caught between my fishing strings. She was really beautiful. Her flawless silky black hair that flowed in the wind, supple red lips with a sheen of a cherry fruit glazed with the finest syrups, a pair of big boobs, skin as flawless as the most expensive jade and her complexion as white as white jade. She had a beautiful baby face and body as tempting as a succubus queen. Truly beautiful. "Unhand me mortal! " Her face was red as she also pointed at me. Pressuring me with her aura alone, I was forced to once again kneel on the grass as she sent me a cold gaze filled with disdain. I started loosing consciousness but suddenly, something awakened inside me. Chapter 2 - Humiliation Chapter 2 "I am the God of Fishing!! " A mighty voice boomed inside my head, filled with the majesty and power of a god, freeing me from the shackles of the bondaged beauty. My consciousness was then sucked inside the legendary fishing rod. I opened my eyes to the sight of a gigantic golden man sitting on a throne made out of fishing rods. He was only sitting there yet I could still feel his imposing aura as if everything else was beneath his eyes and he''s the only one worthy to rule the heavens! "My last descendant! Do you accept my inheritance! " He asked, seemingly not a question, but an order one must not disobey. I felt offended, this guy is just so cocky, just ordering me around, so I immediately agreed and kowtowed in front of him. "Yes, great and almighty ancestor! This lowly one accepts your blessings and promise to bring back the glory of our mighty bloodline through your powerful inheritance! "Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. He stared down at me and a book suddenly burned into existence. I excitedly opened the book and realized I couldn''t read. "Almighty ancestor! Forgive me for I cannot understand the wisdom and knowledge contained in this mighty book! " I pleaded at him with an innocent look, hoping that he would impart me some comprehension skills or would at least give me the power to read. "When the time is right, you will understand. " His voice boomed once again and I returned to reality, dumbfounded. But before I could even react, the beautiful maiden pointed at me with shock. "You! You!! I sense divine power from within you! Who are you?! " She asked, agitatedly. I immediately imitated my almighty ancestor and sat cross legged in front of her, silently looking down at her. An hour like this passed before she blinked and lost the staring contest. "Ai! The divine power flowing within you is truly too fearsome and savage! I cannot contend! My name is fairy Xia! Let this one serve you! " Fairy Xia admitted defeat and went home with me. ... Now knowing that I am a descendant of a mighty being, I gained a little bit of confidence. The next day, I attended school to learn how to read. The teacher was hot and just about my age so I used my new divine charms on her. "Hey beautiful lady, would you like to see my legendary mighty rod? " I smiled at her then got beaten up by her husband who was conveniently just beside her. I was kicked out on the streets as the rain poured on me. With rage in my eyes, I vowed under the heavens that this humiliation will be paid a thousand-folds! I ran back home and entered closed-door training. Chapter 3 - Enlightenment Chapter 3 Spiritual essence coiled around me like chains as I inch ever so closer to comprehending the Dao of Water. With the oppression I have suffered, I wasn''t able to learn how to read. So I just looked at the pictures on the book and deciphered it using my divine comprehension skills. Well, Fairy Xia might''ve helped a bit, but its all thanks to my amazing comprehension skills after all. I took a small break and drank some water. I then took a piss. As I was holding my wee-wee, a terrifying boom suddenly assaulted my mind! If I drink water, it goes inside my body and gets nourished by my internal force then becomes incredibly stronger by many folds! If I release these strengthened water, then how terrifying must it be?!If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. I immediately hardened my grip on my wee-wee and aimed at the meditating Fairy Xia. "Water goes in..." *BOOOOMM!!! * Enlightenment chains suddenly tore through the heavens and coiled around my wee-wee, making it throb with the vitality of a god! The enlightenment chains fused with my wee-wee and gave off a tyrannical aura, ready to ravage everything in its path! "...WATER goes out!! " A burst of power concentrated at the tips of my wee-wee and leapt off to Fairy Xia, transforming into a hungry divine golden dragon, ready to devour the world! "Eeeekkk! " Fairy Xia shrieked as she got destroyed by my golden dragon. Well, her divine armaments at least, and by that, I mean her underwear. I made her so wet hehe. She then kept on spanking my butt as I let out sounds of regret and misery. I didn''t forget the heavenly sensations of her smooth and jade like hands on my butt though. I engraved the feeling deep inside my soul and also opened the door to a glimpse of another enlightenment! And just like that, I continued to enjoy it as I asked for forgiveness under her furious gaze. Chapter 4 - Old Man Chapter 4 On the urge of Fairy Xia telling me not to use such disgusting skills again, I decided to classify this legendary attack move into a forbidden skill, only to be used in times of great seriousness. I then made it my second life''s goal to make her feel the euphoria of getting spanked. Oh, and my first goal is to actually become a god. Inheriting the position to become the next Fishing God is great but I decided to aim higher. I, Shui Shen, will become the Water God! Since water can give life yet it can also mercilessly bring death, then if I become the Water God, I would be stronger than even Gods and Devils! Able to control not only life, but even death itself! I then concentrated my consciousness inside my dantian. A spiritual organ just below my stomach. Inside, there was only a blue orb. That should be my comprehension of the Dao of Water. It was almost complete, as stated in the book. Just a little bit more and I would have comprehended the 1st level!This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. 314 years later... "I have finally comprehended the 1st level of the Dao of Water!! " I stretched out my body and brushed my silky long hair aside. I then tied it into a pony tail. "Now to start my journey into cultivation! " I sat cross legged once more and observed my dantian, my Dao of Water already reached the 1st level and the blue orb illuminated my dantian world like the sun. I started sensing the energies within the surroundings, qi, mana, spiritual essence, all sorts of energies were laid bare as my Dao of Water started spinning. "Like how water flows, energy will flow into me! " All the energy in the surroundings frantically rushed towards me, entering my dantian and surrounding my Dao of Water as it spun furiously. One day... Two days... 32 years passed... Eh, I actually don''t know how long time has passed. My Dao of Water was now floating above a calm rainbow colored ocean of mixed energies. "Nice. " I feel so full of power now but I don''t actually know how to cultivate. I just absorbed energies. The book didn''t say anything about this. But why do I feel like something''s wrong? I walked out of my house and was stunned by what the village has come to. No, I think it''s already a capital city. I see a majestic castle from here and my wooden shack looks out of place as whoah. With the huge rainbow barrier around my house, leaving me the sole house in the middle of a bustling marketplace, also doesn''t help. Annnd now everyone''s staring at me. I got shy and immediately ran back into my house. I closed the door but suddenly an old man opened it and abducted me to his clan. Chapter 5 - Senior Disciple Chapter 5 I was abducted to the Sky Burning Heaven Clan. But before getting kidnapped, good thing my legendary fishing rod and divine book suddenly turned into two streams of white light and are now floating above the rainbow sea in my dantian. The old man actually turned out to be the founding ancestor of this Sky Burning Heaven Clan! Ancestral Founder Ah Phoy Sky Burning Heaven took really good care of me and I also received a lot of benefits. I even know how to cultivate and read now. Therefore, I won''t harbor any intentions of exterminating his whole Sky Burning Heaven Clan. As I walked inside the Sky Burning Heaven Clan, a fancy looking senior disciple bumped into me. "Hey you useless trash, die!! " He slashed his sword at me as his entourage of beautiful seven virgin teens sneered at me. Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. The blade was about to fall on me as he made a face of triumph and victory, the surrounding onlooker disciples also cheered him on. "Haha look he is scared witless! " "He can''t even move! " "Serves him right for offending the handsome and mighty and all powerful son of the elder of our Sky Burning Heaven Clan, Elder Fod Dher Sky Burning Heaven! " "Nice ass though! " But the moment the sword was about to touch me, at the last minute, I suddenly exploded forth with a torrent of energy and used it to pressure everyone around me. They all kneeled as their faces paled. They shouted things about Mt. Tai but I ignored them and strolled towards the arrogant young master of our Sky Burning Heaven Clan. I need to teach him a lesson to preserve the face of our Sky Burning Heaven Clan so that he may not offend any powerful beings that might be stronger than our Sky Burning Heaven Clan. But as I neared him, I suddenly discovered with his wet clothes, that he is actually a beautiful woman! I then helped her up and she fell in love with me. "Such strength! " I also took her entourage of seven virgins with me and asked the blessings of our Ancestral Founder Ah Phoy Sky Burning Heaven to bless our eight person marriage. We got married and had tons of kids. Chapter 6 - A Cup of Tea Chapter 6 A supreme expert suddenly appeared above our Sky Burning Heaven Clan and killed everyone including my kids and wives. I raged and raged and engulfed the area with all of my power, but before I could even smash, the dying Ancestral Founder Ah Phoy Sky Burning Heaven stopped me and asked me to leave. "You are the last hope of our Sky Burning Heaven Clan! Avenge us! " I cried and with a wave of Ancestral Founder Ah Phoy Sky Burning Heaven''s arms, I was teleported to another continent. I then fainted and woke up in the lap of a beautiful and gentle teen girl. In a village surrounded by a peaceful atmosphere. I then found a pond and fished with my legendary fishing rod. I hooked the reel in and I suddenly caught the long forgotten Fairy Xia! ... We went back inside the teen girl''s house and I pressured Fairy Xia with my endless sea of energy.Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. "Sit on my lap. " "No! " She kneeled there while trying to suppress my endless amount of energy. My Dao of Water rotated furiously and she fell face first on the ground. I scooped her up under the shocked gaze of the little owner of this house and started spanking Fairy Xia''s perky butt. "Where have you been!? " "No! " "Answer me! " "No! " She started crying. Then the little owner of this house, Yao Yao, poured a cup of tea for us. Then I suddenly received enlightenment while spanking Fairy Xia''s butt. "When water is poured into a cup, it takes on the shape of the cup and becomes the cup! Water can actually become anything!" *BOOOOOMMMM! * Enlightenment chains tore through the skies and fused with my body. This time, the chains did not strengthen a skill of mine but actually gave me a skill! "I am now able to become anything! " My Dao of Water suddenly started to rotate and I actually achieved the 2nd level of the Dao of Water! "One with water! " I am water and water is me! Anywhere there is water, there is me! My eyes glowed and I transformed into the sea that covers the planet. I used up more of my energy and all of the moisture in the air was controlled by me. I used it to locate the supreme expert that exterminated the entire Sky Burning Heaven Clan. I found him and instantly materialized behind him and unleashed a forbidden skill. "Water goes in, WATER goes OUT!! " He died and I melted his remains in a vapor of super hot steam. I searched the world for the location of the destroyed Sky Burning Heaven Clan and materialized myself inside. I waved my hand and the whole place was soon flooded and became a part of the sea. Chapter 7 - Fishing Chapter 7 I became the strongest in the world and got bored. "Ai! It''s so lonely to be peerless! " So I transformed into water and dived into the river of reincarnation. I chose to be reincarnated in a more powerful universe. And then it''s all random from there. But I did use the last bits of my power to sow karma and make sure I get reincarnated as a man. How tragic it would be to be reincarnated otherwise. I was then born as a useless cripple in the strongest clan of the continent. My father is the patriarch of the clan and everyone hates me. So I got neglected, given resources to barely be able to live, hidden in a nameless village. How could they treat me like this?! I was the strongest Water God! I''ll show these mortals who''s boss. So as soon as my baby feet could let me crawl, I crawled and crawled until I got exhausted. I can''t cultivate because I''m a cripple but I can temper my body! Years pass by as I did 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and ran 10 km every single day.Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. I''m now at age 7 and can punch a tree in half just using the pure strength of my physical body. So I ramped the training up and multiplied the numbers by 10. I''m now 12 and I can now destroy a rock with a single finger. It''s a very profound technique that I created by myself wherein I concentrate all of my willpower inside my finger and use it like a spear. I''ll call it the Finger technique. And so I challenged everyone in this puny village and defeated them all. "Haha! Village Chief you lose! I am now the owner of this village since the strong rules the weak!" I proclaimed while surrounded by all of the villagers who have come to watch my challenge. "Woah! He is so strong!" "Amazing! He''s only 12 yet he defeated the Village Chief who used to be a super powerful mercenary!" The bloodied Village Chief laughed at me as he took out something from his pocket. "You''re courting death!" He shouted as he swallowed a red pill. His muscles became very large and he gave off a feeling of a berserk beast ready to pounce. Oh no! He must''ve ingested a forbidden pill! I barely defeated him with my current strength but now it seems like his strength multiplied by at least four times! *ROOOOOAAARRRR!!* I trembled and started getting ready to run but suddenly the Village Chief''s muscles kept on enlarging and he suddenly exploded into a bloody pulp. I then won the challenge and became the Village Chief. ... I got bored and decided to fish, I wanted to use my legendary fishing rod but I can''t access my dantian since I''m still a cripple. So I kindly extorted one from the nice villagers. I found a nice little pond just a little outside the village and started to fish. I immediately felt a tug on the string and reeled it in. Then what came out of the pond was a pissed off Fairy Xia. Looks like she''s still angry from when I spanked her little butt. As I wasn''t as powerful as before, I couldn''t stop Fairy Xia from letting me enjoy another one of her butt spanking lessons. Chapter 8 - Courting Death Chapter 8 I was rubbing my painful butt as I went back to the pond. Then I tripped over a Divine Legendary Xuanyuan Sword. "Woah! My luck today is very good!" I placed it on the ground and baptized it with my golden water so that it would get soul bound to me. It suddenly released a golden aura and flew next to me. "It''s also a flying sword!" I ran back the village hall, which is now my house, and pressured Fairy Xia with my Divine Legendary Xuanyuan Sword and started spanking her butt. "No!" "Stop!" Sweet revenge. Fairy Xia then ran away crying while rubbing her little butt.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. ... I was alone in my office as a villager suddenly burst in. "Village Chief! The legendary black knight bandits are asking for the monthly payments!" He sat there, scared, as he narrated how fearsome the legendary black knight bandits were and how I shouldn''t dare to provoke them. I coldly stared at the cowardly villager and I went towards the village market to meet the legendary black knight bandits. They stood there, about a hundred buff men all wearing black armor. Menacingly gazing at everyone as they fanned themselves because the weather is really hot today. They stood there, in the blistering heat, silently sweating as they glared at everyone. I got scared actually, what kind of maniacs would wear black metal armor under the scorching sun and just stand there like idiots. Plus, I can''t even cultivate yet so at most, I could beat about 5 of them, but then I remembered I had my Divine Legendary Xuanyuan Sword. So I provoked them. "Hey, you pea-brained idiots! Are you courting death?!" They were shocked. They were angry. They were furious. I smiled as I destroyed them with my Divine Legendary Xuanyuan Sword. "You''ll pay for this! Once our boss, the Greatest Black Knight hears of this¡ª hey, why are you taking off your pants?" The leader of the legendary black knight bandits stared dumbfoundedly at me as I readied my forbidden move. "Water goes in, WATER goes OUT!!" Chapter 9 - Trial Chapter 9 I have now unlocked my cultivation because of the fearsome battle. I may have little cultivation gathered but I still have my Dao of Water! Just give me a little bit more time and I would once again be invincible! So yeah I''m inside the forest just beside the village and I was piling up all the corpses you see, and then I suddenly tripped on a secret inheritance trial by a supreme expert in ancient times. "Nice!" But it seems like I couldn''t open the door. Why the hell is there a keyhole here? I fiddled with the giant stone door that gave off a majestic and ancient aura. I tried to transfer a little bit of my energy inside the door but there seems to be no reaction. So I used my finger technique on the keyhole, hoping that it would think it''s a key or something. I concentrated all of my power and the little bit of energy inside my dantian to my finger and executed the technique. "FIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGEEEEERRRR!!!" With a *Bang* the hole received my supreme technique. Gosh, I fingered that hole so hard. But it still didn''t open. Maybe I need to loosen it up? I started removing my pants. "Water goes in, WATER¡ªYou could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. So I spent the rest of the day fingering the hole. ... It finally opened and I went inside. The doors closed behind me with a bang. I felt the space shift and I''m suddenly in a different dimension. A cave dimension. I delved deeper into the mysterious cave and plucked the bright plants I passed through. I can sense a lively energy within these plants so I decided that maybe I could absorb them for laters. I then searched and searched the area to no avail. This land is so barren that there aren''t even magical beasts inhabiting this place. I decided to take a seat and rest. "Hey, this seat is pretty nice." I looked at what I was seating on and suddenly discovered that it''s actually an ancient Dao cultivation book! Holy woah! This is nice! I only learned cultivation for energy but now I can cultivate with my Dao! I opened the book and read it all in an instant thanks to my amazing comprehension skills. I closed it and tossed it into my dantian, together with the divine water book, legendary fishing rod, and Divine Legendary Xuanyuan Sword. I sat cross-legged and started to form my Dao Pillars inside my dantian. I ate the energy filled plants as I meditated. All the energy inside my dantian condensed under the blue orb that is my Dao of Water and became a solid pillar. These pillars will be the foundations that would support my Dao of Water for it to become really strong. Time passed by as I devoured all of the plants in this dimension and managed to form 9 Dao Pillars. I can now feel myself brimming with energy and am soon close to achieving another enlightenment! ... As I was practicing my forbidden skill, the long-awaited Senior appeared in the skies. A gigantic figure in golden battle armor surrounded by a golden silhouette! "Mortal! Congratulations on completing my trial!" "Huh? What trial?" I asked but it seemed to have ignored me. "I created this trial because I wanted someone to inherit my powers! You want to know why?! Because as powerful as I was, I was impotent! So there was no descendant of mine that could inherit my powers! NOW RECEIVE THE SKILL THAT MADE ME IMPOTENT!" "Nice! Wait¡ª Chapter 10 - Blade of Grass Chapter 10 Still training my forbidden skill, I was taking a wee as I received the inheritance. But suddenly right before my terrified gaze, my wee-wee instantly shrunk a little bit. "NOOOOOoooooooo...." That was the moment I vowed to kill the Gods. I will have my vengeance. I cried as the golden armored being kicked me out of his dimension. ... I was still crying when I went back to the village. I was rubbing my eyes to remove the tears so I didn''t see the rock ahead of me. I tripped and hit my head on the rock. I am now a master alchemist. The moment my head connected with the rock, I suddenly remembered all of the knowledge of my previous-previous life! In my past life, I was the holy and all-powerful Water God and in the life before that, I was actually a world-renowned 9th Generation Demon Master Pill Alchemist of a different world!Stolen novel; please report. My whole body shook with excitement as I ravenously plucked out all of the special looking flowers in and surrounding the village. I didn''t even let those blade of grass with a slightly different color go because who knows, they might be legendary grass. Relying on my master alchemist knowledge, I might be able to create a potion that gives me the power of a god!! But more importantly though, perhaps, perchance, maybe, I could create a potion that could cure my impotenc¡ªstress! Being a peerless expert is hard work after all, hehe. "Hey, Oliver, why do I see the Village Chief running around all over the place with a bleeding head?" "Huh? What crazy nonsense are you on abou¡ª HOLY SANDALS! Why isn''t he wearing some pants?! Oh God! His junk is dangling all over the place! And no! Wait! He''s bleeding all over the place! What do we do?!" "Let''s just walk away and warn everybody to hide in their houses for now. It''s the safest option, for both the Village Chief and us, and especially for us." "But¡ª!" "Shush! No buts, Oliver! The great Village Chief is a mighty expert that has defeated a hundred men all on his own! Even if his methods were a bit... No. Perhaps the Village Chief is just having a rough day. Being a peerless expert is hard work after all." I heard the two villagers whisper to each other. They immediately ran like hell''s about to smash them dead when I returned my gaze at them though. I was also plucking the last flower over the village graveyard so I am now ready to concoct some pills. "But I''m sure glad that my people understands me. Being a peerless expert is hard work after all." Chapter 11 - Bonding Chapter 11 The next day, I was strolling around the village. I need to find the village idiot to test my potions and pills. I found the two noisy villagers from before. My mighty legs immediately burst with power as I appeared in front of them, smiling. They fainted and I had to spray some of my holy golden water on them to immediately wake them up. I told them my plight as they stood there, stiff as a rock. "I''m looking for the village idiot to help me...do something.." I smiled very kindly at them. Waiting for their compliance. "It''s Oliver your looking for." "What?! No! I''m not! I graduated in my class as the rank 1 in studies!"This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. "Now, see how much of an idiot you are Oliver? Only idiots brag about their rank in the real world." The other villager said and looked very condescendingly at Oliver and I was convinced. I then dragged the screaming Oliver inside the Village Hall as I heard the doors and windows shut on every house we passed by. "Shush! Oliver! You''re disturbing our fellow neighbors!" I patted his head as I started lining up all of the pills and potions I would be testing for him. Perhaps he is too excited to help the great and mighty Village Chief as his shouting became a tad more intense. ... I was finally done with my tests and I let the idio¡ªbrave Oliver rest. A letter suddenly arrived by a messenger bird. It was a letter from my fiance, from the 2nd strongest clan in the continent, because we were the strongest clan after all. She was breaking off the engagement that was made before the time we were even born. Oh no. A second messenger bird immediately came after, this messenger looked fancier because it wore a little pink tuxedo and a monocle. It was a message from the little sister I didn''t even know I had. She expressed her sadness and discontent about my broken off engagement and soon tried to cheer me up saying that she would be the one to marry me instead. It would be ethical, she wrote, because her mother is just a concubine of my father and we''re just half-siblings. Oh. Oh no. Chapter 12 - Revenge Chapter 12 I tore the letters to shreds. Now, it''s about time I focus on kingdom building. I gathered all of the villagers within the village plaza. There were like, only 93 of us. And I only know two of them. My alchemy apprentice, Oliver, and his friend, Mark. Well, I don''t think they''re friends anymore. I don''t know why but I guess people really do grow apart. Sad but true. I stood in front of all of them, with Oliver beside me, and announced my plans for this village. ... Only a month has passed and I have already trained formidable soldiers! They numbered 30 with Oliver as their leader. It''s no surprise since after all of the pills and potions downed by Oliver, he has surprisingly built a nice endurance and a very adaptive body. The strongest always gets to be the leader. The more beatings I gave him, the more he will adapt and now he can go toe to toe with two bears. Okay, I did help him a little when the other bear was about to bite his head off but that''s okay. A little bit of life and death situations will only make you stronger! Other than Oliver, my soldiers are also strong as I have taught them my finger technique and let them practice cultivation. But they''re still low level so I had to teach them my forbidden skill for them to be useful. It wasn''t as powerful as mine but with the combined power of 30 people and Oliver, they could create a fearsome golden attack to drown the enemy!If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. I had to give a name for the skill so that I could easily shout out the commands. So I named the skill, "Golden Shower". "Okay! My soldiers! Let''s! Raid!" We then attacked the village beside us. My soldiers fingered the crap out of them and we soon took hold of the village. I went to their Village hall and learned that this village was named "Communism". I was so disgusted that I had to slap their tied-up Village Chief and rename the village to "2nd Village". "You! How dare you slap me! Leave now and I''ll let you off! Don''t you know that I am the son of the Town Leader of Sunshine Town who is backed by the City Lord of Grey City that is serving under His Majesty, the King, King Leonard of the Kingdom of Su¡ª Oliver slapped him into unconsciousness. "Oh, thank you Oli¡ª" Before I even finished my words, Oliver hurriedly approached me. "Master! We have a problem! While we were raiding Communism Village, the Legendary Black Knight Bandit King came attacking our village seeking revenge!" He shouted as he was drenched in sweat. "It''s called 2nd village now Oliv¡ª" "Master!" Oliver shook me as his face paled. "Alright alright, how is that even possible? We''ve set-up a huge-ass wall around the village. So they can still last until we come back." "But Master! The Legendary Black Knight Bandit King is actually inside the village already and has kept everyone hostage!" "What?! How!" I was bewildered as I shook Oliver left and right. I almost spurted a mouthful of blood! "He was actually disguised as my previous friend, Mark! A wolf in sheep''s clothing! I should''ve known from the start. That guy has always been a traitorous basta¡ª!" I slapped his face. "Watch your language young man!" I slapped Oliver once more and hurriedly ran back to the 1st Village. Chapter 13 - Breezy Chapter 13 We ran like hell towards the village and stopped a little bit outside to see Mark dressed in black armor while he had all the villagers tied up in the village plaza. "Ok, Oliver and company, here''s the plan. Half of you use the south gate while half of us charge toward the north gate and trashtalk Mark to keep him occupied. You rescue the villagers while we distract him. " "Yes, sir! " We tore our clothes a little and smeared some dirt all over it to make it look like we''re very tired and just came out of a fearsome battle. That would lessen Mark''s vigilance towards us. I even tore my pants apart and let it hang to the side. Then I gleefully rolled in a mud puddle. We then limped towards Mark and begged him to let everyone go. "Mark! Give me some face and release these harmless people!" "No! You give me some face and kill yourself right now!" Mark grinned triumphantly at our sorry sight. Oliver came forward and begged on his knees with tears in his eyes.This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. "Why?! Mark! Why did you have to do this?! " He bawled his eyes out and fainted from exhaustion. Mark seemed to have hesitated a little and that was the moment when all the hostages have been freed unknowingly behind him. Oliver suddenly sprang into action and proceeded to beat Mark''s sorry ass. He even used the forbidden move as a finisher. I taught him well. "Oh damn, that''s gotta hurt." Oliver repeatedly stamped on Mark''s family jewels as he let out a slur of insults. Oliver seemed to hate traitors very much. But I still have to slap him and tell him to watch his language later. ... Mark was imprisoned. He was interrogated about the whereabouts of their stolen loots but it was sad to know that all their loot are given to their backer, an Archduke of a very very powerful and vengeful kingdom. Of course. "Sir! You can wear some pants now." A young lady approached me with her face red as she offered me some pants. She kept looking at my wee-wee though. "Nah, it''s cool. I like the breeze." I proclaimed with an air of carefree aloofness as I stared at the setting sun with my arms crossed. ... It took about a week to create a decent road from Village 1 to Village 2. Now that I have more people, I can train more soldiers. I made Oliver handle that. I am now relaxing by a pond and finally revealed my legendary fishing rod to this world. I fished and reeled in Fairy Xia. Now that I think about it, I''ve never caught any fish after this little vixen showed up! I got pissed and decided to spank her little butt. Unexpectedly, she grinned and at the next instant, she and Oliver switched places. I was shocked but it was too late. My hand was already powered with spank force and cannot be stopped anymore! I tried to change the trajectory of my hand as both Oliver and my face paled at what was about to happen next. By trying to weaken the spank as much as possible and changing the trajectory at the last minute, my hand gently caressed Oliver''s wee-wee. Oh nOo0o0Oooo¡ª! Chapter 14 - Profound Chapter 14 I ran away from the village while hiding my shame. I searched and searched the mountains to find the answer. I searched far and wide. Finally, one day, I met a wise monk. "B-But..M-My hand and his wee-wee touched and we had eye contact! Does that mean I''m gay now?!" I blurted out worriedly as my face contorted in shame. "It is not as long as you believe it is not." The wise monk opened his eyes that seemed to contain the universe and uttered out profoundly and he once again closed his eyes. Enlightenment chains violently fell from the skies and that was the moment my whole world got flipped upside down. ... I kidnapped the wise monk and named him Osama. I need a wise advisor for when I become the emperor of the universe. But my subjects need not be weak so I taught him how to fight. But Osama is a monk and a pacifist. He wouldn''t fight back no matter how much I spanked him. So I only got to teach him defensive techniques.Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. I don''t have defensive techniques. So we went to a bustling city and I stole him a defensive cultivation manual. "Osama my friend! I have finally found you a technique that fits you best!" "..." "Oh, don''t be like that Osama! Look here! This technique is called the "Pain Becomes Pleasure" manual and it would open you towards a new path!" "..." Osama seemed to be so happy he closed his eyes and tears of joy leaked out. We then started our training under the hidden veil of the night, in a forest, far far away from civilization. ... When I was finally satisfied with his training, we went back to the city to try and buy a map so we could go back to Village 1 and 2. "Halt! Thief!" We were then caught by the city guards. I could''ve outrun them but Osama was already prostrating on the ground and asking forgiveness so I had no choice but to turn back and fight the endless torrent of soldiers. I couldn''t abandon a friend. A friend is a friend. When one has a friend, he will friend him till he friends them till friend. I beat up a lot of soldiers before I went down. I could''ve used the legendary xuanyuan sword but that would just be doing needless slaughter. Life is precious. One must treasure life so that life could treasure them too. Oh whoah yes! I am being infected by Osama''s wiseness! How profound! My choice to stick with him really was never wrong! We woke up inside a prison cell. I was planning my escape plan with Osama but the iron doors to the prison suddenly opened. Damn, have they heard our plans that easily?! I have no choice but to use my legendary sword. Out came a cute little girl with red hair. "Big Brother! It''s me! Your little sister! I came to marry you!" Oh. Oh no. Chapter 15 - Reunion Chapter 15 I was at a loss. I have never seen or heard from this "little sister" other than that day when my engagement was cut off and I read her letter. Wait, how is she even here?! How did she know my locati¡ª "I''m always watching you." She smiled and winked as she approached our cell. I felt a chill and I started to have goosebumps. For some reason, Osama started backing away. "Hey, little girl! Hehe, let this big brother play with you instead!" The prisoners started to clamor as they tried to bully this seemingly harmless little girl. She just smiled though. "Ehehehe, come here and let daddy play with you!" She still smiled and they all fell dead. Their skin rotted and dissolved up until only bones were left. "Only big brother deserves to play with me!" She said coyly as she started fidgeting left and right.This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. Osama was already at the edge of the cell, employing his defensive technique to the limits. I have never seen him this diligent, even when I was whipping him in the nude. "Ehe, I can finally hug you brother!" She stretched her arms out in a hug and the metal bars, as if afraid of her, instantly bent like sticks. I felt a crippling sensation as if something is seriously wrong with this or her. Probably her. In all my life, never have I been this scared. I sweated bullets as my heart started going full overdrive as she neared. So I decided to whoah it. My Dao of Water started rotating like mad, my 9 Dao Pillars even started to show some cracks under the pressure of my Dao of Water. "One with Water!" I turned into mist and quickly grabbed the fainted Osama and just poured all my energy into one direction to escape the clutches of this little devil. The surroundings warped and everything went black. ... I woke up and groggily observed my surroundings. We were in a jungle. Osama was lying beside me, traumatized as he shivered in his sleep. I then realized that all these plants around us look familiar and I can actually name them¡ªholy whoah! I then realized what''s happening. I don''t know how or why but Osama and I, got transported back into the world of my previous previous life when I was actually a world-renowned Demon Master Pill Alchemist!! I then washed my face on the pond beside us to make sure I''m seeing things right. "GRrrrrRRR!!" My stomach rumbled and I realized I became so hungry because of the energy consumption that I could probably eat Osama whole without feeling guilty. But then I realized I could just fish and eat some fish. So I took out my legendary fishing rod. I reeled in a smiling Fairy Xia and a shocked Oliver. Chapter 16 - Agenda Chapter 16 I introduced everyone to each other while spanking Fairy Xia. We then found a good spot to establish our base. This jungle is pretty dangerous if memory serves me correct. I was flattening the ground in the vicinity when I suddenly stumbled upon a mysterious cave. I brought everyone in and we explored the cave. Fairy Xia was running gleefully at the front like an excited little kid as Oliver observed the surroundings seriously. I was holding on to Osama like a shield. We then found a wall with some runic symbols. I illuminated the surroundings with my energy and the powerful looking text was revealed. We couldn''t understand it but Osama seemed like he could. Something about Buddhist scriptures or something. I''m glad I brought him into the team. A wise advisor is truly needed for a wise king. We went out to resume the building of the base as Osama was left meditating inside the cave.This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. ... Osama has finally deciphered the ancient texts. He went out of the cave after about 3 hours. "What does it say?" I asked excitedly. "If you''re reading this, you''re gay." "What?" I asked again, confused. "If you''re reading this, you''re gay." Osama repeated with a blank expression as he emphasized each word. "Huh? The ancient texts actually say that?! And you''re not gay right?" "It''s too late, I''m gay now." Osama said with a solemn face as his gaze caught Oliver to the sides. Oliver is shirtless as he cut the giant jungle trees to make our temporary base. ... Osama might just be playing with me as he doesn''t probably want to share the powerful secrets of the ancient texts but it''s okay because he is still on my team. His power is my power...all mine. We finished constructing a lovely wooden mansion surrounded by a huge wall made of the resilient jungle trees. Exactly as the sun was falling, we could now finally relax as we talked about what to do in this unfamiliar world. The first official meeting of the Water God faction was held. I talked about the basics of this world and how different it is from ours and things to do from now on and who''s boss. Oliver was solemnly nodding his head. Osama just sat there beside Oliver. Fairy Xia wasn''t listening as she was happily carving some designs on the table with an energy knife. "We should conquer the world." I suggested in a commanding tone. Chapter 17 - Train Chapter 17 "Wha? World domination? Master! Are you sure?! " "I''d rather world peace. " "Hey, that sounds fun! " I finally caught their attention. Now we must rule the world. I gave the duty to gather soldiers to Oliver as he is already a passable leader at this point. The defense and upgrading the base to Osama. Fairy Xia is pretty strong so I also told her to guard the base. "You can''t tell me what to do! " I spanked her. I then focused on gathering herbs and creating potions. As I was gathering the herbs, I realized that I had no place to store it. So I made my apprentice alchemist, Oliver, do his duties.A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. "Master! I can''t carry anymore! " Oliver pleaded with me. "C''mon Oliver! You''re carrying just about the weight of a hundred people! Don''t be a pussy! " I scolded him while silently sighing inside my heart. I can''t just store all of these herbs inside my dantian. It would ruin the balance. If only I had an interspatial ring or a bag of holding. I sighed. A dying supreme expert suddenly fell from the skies and hit his head on a rock and died. We immediately ran over and paid our respects before stripping the corpse clean. I immediately took the interspatial ring and gave the armor and sword the supreme expert had to Oliver. "Master, why don''t you take the armor so you could pair it with your legendary xuanyuan sword. So you could be more awesome. " Oliver offered humbly. I taught him well. "Don''t worry Oliver, I already have the strongest armor in the universe, you can''t see it but I''m always wearing it. " "What?! How can''t I see it! " "It''s called Plot Armor my dear Oliver. I took it from a guy called Em Cee in my previous world. I had to flood the whole world just to kill him though. And he gave me bad luck so I had to reincarnate to shake some of it off. " Oliver was evidently shocked. I put on the interspatial ring and removed the blood seal, since blood is still water, it was easy. "Wow this guy sure was rich! " I immediately stored all the herbs we crossed with and made Oliver spar with some demonic beasts that''s way out of his league. He''s safe though, his new sword and armor are op. We went back to base before nightfall and I locked myself inside my room to finally create a potion that would make me not impotent. Chapter 18 - Recruitment Chapter 18 Midnight, when I was brewing some potion and teaching Oliver, another supreme expert suddenly appeared above the skies. "Hand over the Jade Emperor''s Ring of Glory and I''ll let you leave alive!" I guess this dude was talking about the interspatial ring. "How dare you threaten my life just for a treasure! It''s mine and I got it fair and square! I haven''t offended you and you aren''t my enemy yet you want to kill me just because I have this treasure! I hate people like you!" I tried guilt tripping him but it didn''t work. "Shut up you useless piece of trash! Die!" I got pissed and so I summoned my two legendary weapons, fishing rod on the left and xuanyuan sword on the right. We then fought a devastating battle that shook the heavens and the earth. My followers also participated in the battle but got instantly knocked out useless.Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. I threw both my weapons at the supreme expert. He laughed. "Haha! How stupid! Why would you throw your weapons in a fight? It''s all mine now hahahah!" He took hold of the rod and sword but I already materialized behind him and executed my technique. "FFFFIIIIIINNNGGEEEEEERRR!!!!!" He died. To make sure he''s dead, I took off my pants and... ... My useless followers woke up and I punished them to rebuild the base because they were useless in that fight. Fairy Xia protested so I spanked her a lot. From the treasures of the supreme expert, I found a device that pointed to where a treasure is. "Oh, this was probably what he used to locate my Jade Emperor''s Ring of Glory!" I called it "treasure finder". The next day I brought Oliver along with me to find some treasures and also recruit some noobs. Osama and Fairy Xia were left to defend and improve the base. ... We finally found a village using the treasure finder. It pointed to a poor peasant dude wearing a ring. That ring is surely a peerless treasure! And so I summoned my legendary xuanyuan sword and point it at the frightened peasant. "Hand over that ring and I''ll let you leave alive!" I hollered arrogantly as I pressured him with my aura. "W-Why are you doing this?! Why are you threatening my life just because of a treasure! I have neither offended you nor we are enemies!" He shouted full of grievance. "Shut up! Die trash!" I killed him and got the ring. Oliver who was beside me was appalled. "Master, didn''t you say that you hate people who threaten others just because of a treasure?" "Shut-up Oliver, don''t be a hypocrite." Chapter 19-29 - Hate 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you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Chapter 30 - Workforce Chapter 30 We drafted all the able men and women in the village. But that would leave all the not able men and women to die as they can''t do anything for themselves. So we just relocated the whole village to our base to serve as our slav¡ªworkforce. Most of the villagers weren''t convinced and they thought we were crazy so I pressured them all and coaxed them. "How formidable!" "Woah! This guy is so strong!" "You''re right! Let him protect us!" "Yeah! Let''s give him all our daughters and make him rule over us!"Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. They were shocked by my awesome power and so they decided to become my most loyal followers from now on. I appointed Oliver to bring them back. He would be able to protect them because of his legendary armor and sword. He adapted from the previous fight and became a little stronger. It would now take two hits from a supreme expert before he is knocked out useless. ... I separated from them and decided to go treasure finding. I found a river and went to take a bath. "OwO." There were many beautiful maidens taking a bath! They have beautiful soft skin. Jade white complexions with a healthy pink sheen. Luscious cherry red lips. Huge boobs. Baby faces here and there. Their beauty would topple countless kingdoms and kill many many gods! "Oh gosh yes!" I immediately took off all my clothes and dived right in. "Hello, ladies!" I put on my most dashing smile. " " "EEeeeeeeeeeEEKkkkkkkkkkKKK!!!!" " " They shrieked. They all became flustered but soon became cold and they suddenly took out spears out of nowhere and I''m screwed. Chapter 31 - Cursed Chapter 31 I got "abducted" by the beautiful maidens and thrown into their prison. Haha, now I know the location of their base! It''s only a matter of time, hehe. My Dao of Water circulated furiously as I turned into mist and disappeared from the prison. I also abducted the beautiful prison guard. I tied her up with my fishing rod and went home with my catch. Osama and Oliver gave me odd looks as Fairy Xia looked contemptuously at my back. The girl continued to struggle fruitlessly as she was humiliated under their stare. "Let go of me you *******!!"Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. "Oh my, I have rules here, and no profanity is the number one!" Then began my hardcore spanking session in my room. She realized her wrongs and fell in love with me. She was named Anna and is actually one of the elders of her all-girls clan. She''s actually 130 years old already but still a virgin. Nice. "Ahhhhnnnn!!" I went in her and a beautiful red flower bloomed on the pristine white sheets. ... To commemorate our new realtionship, Anna and I visited my newly established village around the base. We locked hands and strolled the shops. Suddenly a huge and burly man came. "Hey, beautiful lady¡ª" "Hey, you''re rude. Die!" I beheaded him and we continued our stroll. My treasure finder suddenly vibrated madly inside my pocket and I took it out. It pointed at a stall selling chicken eggs. I hurriedly confiscated the whole stall with the reason that it''s cursed. ... I found a dragon egg among the eggs. It suddenly made a spiritual connection to me and I dropped a bit of blood on it. Through the spiritual connection, it asked why I did that but I just ignored it. I touched it and it absorbed a lot of my energy and some power from my Dao of Water. It hatched and out came a cute little girl. Chapter 32 - War Chapter 32 I now have a little daughter who can read my thoughts and everything. I don''t know how to feel about this but it''s been so long since I''ve had a child. Damn it! I miss My Sky Burning Heaven Clan family! One day, I will revive them when I get strong enough! Oh, and I named my dragon daughter Shui Mei, but her hair''s blue so her nickname is now Blue. She hatched out of her shell just about the size of a two-year-old. She''s really cute. The door opened to my room. "Kyaaaa!! So cute!" Anna entered my room and immediately squeezed Blue''s chubby cheeks. I felt through my spiritual connection that Blue didn''t want anyone else to touch her and she is now annoyed. Blue punched Anna. With the power of that punch, I thought Anna was surely dead. But Anna was actually an elder of her clan! She casually blocked it and continued to annoy Blue. I left them in the room as I started to manage the start of my empire. ...If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. I held the 2nd conference of the Water God Faction and called all the members and also the previous village chief. As usual, I sat in the middle of the table, looking like a God with Anna beside me and Blue on my lap. Blue was actually wearing a pretty pink little dress. I don''t know where Anna got it but sure. Osama was sitting beside Oliver and Fairy Xia was annoying the nervous village chief. "Alright! Phase Two of conquering the world! We need to conquer the all-girls clan of Anna!" "It''s called the Phoenix Clan." Anna interjected. "Yeah, whatever." ... Oliver trained the soldiers and imparted our Water God Faction''s forbidden technique and supreme skills. About two months of training later and our army of 99 trained soldiers wearing black armor were now in front of the Phoenix Clan, getting ready for a confrontation. Oliver was in the front together with my adviser, Osama, and we were just there as back-up. I''ll let Oliver and Osama handle this. I need a battle-hardened general and a wise adviser after all. "Soldiers! Ready! Stance!" Oliver shouted with an air of authority. The soldiers all simultaneously squatted and pointed a finger towards the direction of the Phoenix Clan. "Charge!" Oliver started the charge. All of the soldiers were now madly rushing at the Phoenix Clan using their fingers as if it were spears. All the ladies in the Phoenix Clan were weirded out by this, about a hundred soldiers came attacking them? WTF? We have like 20 000 people in our clan! They were bewildered as the soldier''s fingers penetrated their ancestral barrier and destroyed all of their protection spells! "How formidable!" "Oh gosh, I wonder how it would feel if they would use their fingers at m¡ª" "Shut-up pervert!" "Such might!" "Much wow!" After penetrating the barrier, Oliver ordered the soldiers to halt. They all stopped as if their momentum from before was all a joke. They looked so awesome. "Release the dragon!" Oliver shouted and pulled down his armor pants. All the soldiers simultaneously pulled down their armor pants. And that was the day when the Phoenix Clan fell to the might of the mighty golden dragon of the rising Water God Faction!! Chapter 33 - Doragon Chapter 33 We conquered Phoenix Clan and relocated them into our Water God Faction. They were now called the Phoenix Branch with Anna as their leader. My army has now become a little bit stronger. Only a little bit because 20 000 females don''t really add much power to my army. I mean, they can''t even inherit our Water God Faction''s techniques. Sigh. They can''t really match up to us powerful men. They don''t have a dragon. But! Suddenly almost half of them has already mastered the Supreme Skill: Finger Technique!! I don''t know how but it surely boosted our war potential by at least 10 times! These girls sure know how to use their fingers! ... I left the duties of the empire to my officials and I went treasure finding. I found a treasured flying sword inside a cave but I suddenly noticed a presence behind me. It was a handsome young man who would look exactly like the main characters of those fairy tale books that Fairy Xia secretly loves to read!Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. "I am Jiang Chen! Son of the Heavenly Emperor! Give me that treasure or else!" I beat him up real good. "Stop! You can''t kill me! If you do my father will come down from the heavens and kill you!" Hmmm. If his father actually came down then I can loot a god! Even a god can''t penetrate my plot armor! So I just castrated Jiang Chen and flew away on my legendary flying sword. ... I am now pretty fast because of the legendary flying sword. I mean, I could turn to mist and fly or become one with water using my Dao of Water but that lacks romance. And so I went dragon-slaying because I felt like it. After a hard fought battle, I finally killed a dragon. But soon lightning struck me from the skies. "Oh whoah! My heavenly tribulation!" I was weak and tired from the battle so I turned myself into a water pond and just let the bolts of lightning from the heavenly tribulation pass me silently. I passed the heavenly tribulation without a hitch. I am now at the Core Formation Level! I need to go home and form my core now. ... I went back to base and what greeted me was a super powerful supreme expert above the base. And it was a lady expert. "Oh, little girl you are talented! Become my apprentice!" She kidnapped Blue away and I couldn''t even do anything because she was just too powerful. "NoooOOOO!!!" Anna shouted as she cried. "Not my baby!" "No, it wasn''t your baby but I''ll grow strong and take revenge on that powerful sect and take back Blue!" I bravely said while comforting Anna as I stared at the direction in the skies where Blue got abducted. I then entered closed-door cultivation. Chapter 34 - Out of Doors Chapter 34 This time I was fast. It only took me a measly 22 days to breakthrough! Because of meditating on the profoundness of my profound strength, I suddenly realized I had three souls inside of me! The first one being the demonic pill cultivating grandmaster whatever, the second one is the water god''s and the third one came when I was reborn into this universe! That''s why I am now so fast at cultivating! You might think, "That''s nice but even if you have thrice the souls compared to a normal cultivator, that''s like only three times as strong." But it''s not like that at all! Since not all of my souls were equal in strength, the first one a godly alchemist, second one a godly water god, the third one is just a normal cripple trash but if you add them up it becomes completely different! Since a God is like a billion times stronger than a normal cultivator, it goes like: 1 000 000 000 + 9 000 000 000 + 0.3 = 10 000 000 000.3! So my soul is like 10 000 000 000.3 stronger than a normal cultivator''s! Having my soul so strong, my divine sense also became strong as fuck. Just with a single thought, I could pressure a demigod and turn him into water!You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. And since my cultivation speed and comprehension also became as fast, it would only take a matter of time before my tribulation comes and I become a true immortal! I opened my eyes and proudly stepped out of closed-door cultivation, ready to kick some ass. I suddenly heard a horrible screech and in the next instant, golden lightning hit and everything in my vicinity turned into ashes. "Nice! I''m finally a true immortal!" Now that my tribulation is done and I''m all powerful, I need to act like I''m weak crap again and suddenly show them how truly powerful I am. I took one step but I suddenly traversed a million steps into the skies and I forgot what I was doing because of my awesomeness and just decided to go dragon-slaying. ... I am inside a dragon''s cave where I rescued a princess from a very evil and perverted black dragon. She''s unconscious though, must''ve been a curse or something. "Young man! I know how you could save her. Kehehehe." Suddenly, from the hoard of treasures of the dead black dragon, a genie in the form of a perverted looking old man popped out and gave me some advice. "What?! I''ll do anything to save a beauty just to see her reaction to my inherent awesomeness to satisfy my super inflated ego! "Well, to save her, you must give her your yang energy. hehehehe" "My yang what?" "Your yang energy. kehe" "What is that?" "You make love to her and I''ll watch to make sure the curse is lifted." "Wait, there isn''t any consent here. She''s like dead as a fish. Wouldn''t that make me a rapist?" "Nah, as long as we justify your actions in like a whole chapter, iz okay." "Nice!"