《Slide Mania》


 Slide 1: The Boy, The Gang and the Devil

    <u>Slide 1: The Boy, the Gang and the Devil</u>


    At the beginning there were the endless oceans. The source of all life and ultimately even humanity. The water granted us life and prosperity as well as an unending fascination with the marine life and depths of our seas. Everything begins and ends in the raging waters.


    Humanity has made water its slave. A prisoner that creates their electricity in tall dams, a tool for cleansing themselves and ultimately even something to be consumed for the survival of the species.


    But what is water¡¯s greatest achievement you ask?


    Of course to be used on slides! Water slides if you will!


    Some may claim penicillin was a pretty good invention or perhaps Smartphones are proof that humans have surpassed the gods by now, but I say humanity has reached the pinnacle of its inventiveness somewhere around the end of the 19<sup>th</sup> century. When water slides were created for the first time and brought to the homes of great people like Karl Marx, Otto von Bismarck and Theodore Roosevelt. Did not Winston Churchill once say ¡°Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.¡± when referring to the shoddily constructed three loop water slide inside his garden?


    What could surpass the grace, the sheer divinity and power of a water slide? It begins with the warm springs that rival those of Olympus itself. Its curves are like the Gordian Knot, impossible to untangle. Its colors put the greatest paintings to shame! And it all ends in a splash, which honestly is pretty fun.


    ¡°Oh jeez, Mark is talking to himself again.¡±


    ¡°He really does that a lot.¡±


    ¡°I think it¡¯s really cool.¡±


    ¡°Ugh.¡±


    As I finish my inner monologue, I am rudely interrupted by none other than my greatest companions and closest friends. Despite their words I know that we have forged a bond that nobody could ever break (whether we want to or not).


    ¡°I w-wasn¡¯t talking to myself!¡± I retort, perhaps a tiny bit too forcefully. I point at the one who called me out on my musings, a girl my age who is staring at me with doubtful green eyes. Her light brown hair is cut short and makes her look pretty boyish and her black one-piece swimsuit is about as boring as a basic one-rail water slide. The definition of a tomboy.


    Her name is Carla, but I just call her Carl. She doesn¡¯t like that very much, which is the reason I will never stop doing it.


    ¡°Riiiight. Did anybody else hear that line about Churchill?¡± She crosses her arms and grins derisively.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think water slides were invented back then.¡± A black haired nerdy boy with round glasses chimes in. His name is Ben, but we call him Beanstalk, because he is lanky and the tallest in our small gang. But he is actually physically weak. He would probably lose to a milk carton if it accidentally fell on him. His skin is as pale as Antarctica and his swimming trunks are covered in binary code. Whatever that means.


    Of course I call him a nerd because he is also the smartest guy around. He can actually read a school book without falling asleep. And I could swear I saw him solve a formula once that belonged to his big bro¡¯s homework. His bro goes to University by the way. ¡°What¡¯s your source on this Mark?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s just common sense, Beanstalk!¡± I reply confidently. ¡°There are things that are true and things that aren¡¯t. This is the former.¡±


    ¡°He convinced me already.¡± Ramirez says with a wide smile while stuffing french fries into his face. Where did he get those? I didn¡¯t see him buy them!


    Ramirez real name is actually Ralph, but that¡¯s lame. So I just call him Ramirez. He is pudgy and overweight, which means he is fat. Don¡¯t let that mislead you though. He is also strong. I saw him lift at least two whole gallons of chocolate pudding once. They disappeared about two seconds later, but their mass will always be a part of him. His need to eat enough for a whole suburban family aside, he is a really nice guy who always has my back. And everything around it too, should he stand behind me. His heart is as fiery as his red mane.


    It¡¯s hard to see his swimming trunks below that belly, but apparently they are covered in donut patterns.


    ¡°Ugh¡­ can we just ignore his blabbering and go inside already?¡± Those words of utter disgust and teenage angst belong to my closest friend and rival, Ken. In some circles they would probably call him a pretty boy with his golden locks and the ridiculously dreamy blue eyes, but he is more like the Grinch on the inside. Green and doesn¡¯t like fun. Also a really bad dancer.


    His arms are perpetually crossed and he has never smiled once since I met him. I am honestly concerned if he might be cursed. Or perhaps it¡¯s a medical condition. Either way he hangs out with us against his express will, even though nobody keeps him here.


    He is the only one with a figure (and the tanned skin) that could pull of the surfer look, but he wears a white beach vest and a black speedo instead.


    ¡°Are you done with the introductions?¡± And here comes the bane of my existence. The casual, uncaring voice of my brother grates on my ears, but he doesn¡¯t seem to notice. ¡°Okay kids, we made it to the water park. I promised your parents to keep an eye on you, but you don¡¯t need me for that, right? This is like the gajillionth time we¡¯re going on a trip and nobody died yet.¡± He scratches his head and laughs.


    ¡°Mom said you are supposed to play with us.¡± I say with a frown.


    ¡°Yeah she probably did.¡± He shrugs. ¡°But ya know, I have some obligations too. You can paddle in the water by yourself or roll down the slides or whatever you like to do.¡±


    ¡°We will conquer the Devil¡¯s Spiral today!¡± I shout at him.


    Joshua is such a dick. He looks like an older version of me, same chestnut hair and great jaw line, but he is a total douche and his stubble doesn¡¯t look cool at all. Whenever we go to the water park my parents send him with us to keep watch, but he always goes to the solarium or the beach section to hang out with women in bikinis. I wouldn¡¯t even care if he didn¡¯t mock the glory of the water slide.


    Needless to say a non-believer like him will go to dry slide hell one day. May he burn his skin on those sun heated metal slides!


    What was he even doing walking around in his normal clothes when going inside a water park?!


    ¡°Woah, edgy name. That marketing team knows how to attract the ¡®badass¡¯ teen crowd.¡± He snickers in his hand and then winks at me. I glare daggers at him, but he already leaves through the ticket gate and walks towards the solarium. He is a terrible adult.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    ¡°Don¡¯t listen to him Mark! The Devil¡¯s Slide is really cool!¡± Ramirez says with clenched fists and passion.


    ¡°Damn right! Let¡¯s go and do it Sliders!¡± I shout encouragingly and march towards the ticket gate.


    ¡°Could you stop calling us that? It¡¯s embarrassing.¡± Carla covers her face with one hand, but follows behind me anyway.


    ¡°It reminds me of that old novel. Or was it a movie?¡± Ben adjusts his glasses which are held together by nothing but tape and prayers.


    ¡°Ken, why aren¡¯t you coming?¡± Ramirez stays behind to question the hardass.


    ¡°I won¡¯t follow that call.¡± He huffs and turns away. Obviously he is too cool for team names.


    ¡°Okay, we will be back in 8 hours or so, have fun in the sun.¡± Carla calls over her shoulder with an ironic smile.


    ¡°¡­¡± Ken is sweating a lot and it is not just because of the burning sunrays outside the park.


    <hr>


    ¡°¡°Woooooow!¡±¡± All of us (except Ken) exclaim in surprise and awe. The Splash World water park is the biggest in the world, but none of us could have imagined this¡­ There are countries with less land and certainly less water!


    And in the center of the country of water stands our goal, our destiny.


    Devil¡¯s Spiral. The tallest, biggest, roundest, edgiest, weirdest, unsafest, most gorgeous and stupidly expensive water slide ever made! If she was a girl I would fall in love with her on the spot. In fact I am in love anyway!


    The water slide of the heavens and hell was gigantic. It far exceeds the water parks rooftop and seems to rise up endlessly above it. I can honestly not see the top from down here.


    ¡°She is so pretty¡­.¡± I stretch my hand forward longingly.


    ¡°Stop drooling.¡± Carla glares at me.


    ¡°Comrades! Our long journey across the globe has finally reached its climax. We bested the sand-covered slides in the Sahara, the frozen loops of Russia and we even survived whatever that torture machine in North Korea was! All for this moment!¡± Tears of appreciation for my luck to have been born in this era start streaming down my face. It doesn¡¯t matter; these tears are earned (by our parents¡¯ wallets).


    ¡°Just in time too. Summer break will end tomorrow. Honestly I have no idea how we managed a world tour in just a few weeks.¡± Beanstalk looks at his notebook that he carries everywhere. He marks another day on the calendar.


    ¡°I heard a single ride on this thing takes 20 minutes.¡± Carla says with a raised brow.


    ¡°Yes!¡± I pump my fists.


    ¡°¡­they say that some people come out as a different person than the one who entered.¡± Ken finally joined us apparently. His sideward glance at the slide is probably supposed to look cool.


    ¡°YEAH!¡± I grit my teeth in excitement.


    ¡°You think they sell ice-cream for the people in line?¡± Ramirez sucked on his salt covered fingers.


    ¡°Probably!¡± I shout while shaking my head up and down like a jackhammer.


    ¡°This construction utterly disobeys the laws of physics. According to the pamphlet it actually pierces the clouds.¡± Beanstalk¡¯s glasses reflect the blue pamphlet as he shares this detail.


    ¡°HOLY COW! Let¡¯s go!¡± I rush forward like a Formula 1 car on nitro!


    And similar to a Formula 1 car built by cheapskates my brakes are defective, because I can¡¯t stop myself from crashing into the flesh mountain ahead of me.


    ¡°Bwah!¡± I faceplant painfully and make acquaintance with the hard floor. ¡°C-can someone¡­ tell me the number of that truck¡­?¡±


    ¡°Are you okay Mark?¡± Carla squats down next to me, but doesn¡¯t even give me a hand.


    ¡°Oh my, kids these days, so wild and rambunctious.¡± That is the very snobby voice of a middle-aged lady with way too much sun blocker on her skin. She musters us from her slightly lowered sunglasses. She doesn¡¯t seem amused.


    ¡°Sorry for bumpin¡¯ into you Miss.¡± I hold my hurting nose and get up on my own. At least my nose now is in partner look with my red plaid swim shorts.


    ¡°Hmph! This isn¡¯t a playground.¡± She says haughtily and turns back to her circle of friends. All of them are not exactly great to look at, not made better by the fact they are all carrying babies with them. That looks like a dissonant decibel disaster about to happen.


    ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure it is though.¡± Beanstalk comments with furrowed brows.


    ¡°Can you believe it Trucy? That boy just tried to cut in line.¡± The face-cement plastered woman is making a big deal out of it with her fellow mothers.


    ¡°Like hell I was. Why would I wanna cut into your line?¡± I mumble to myself. Biting back would just cause an argument which would keep me away from the Devil¡¯s Spiral!


    With renewed energy I get up and run forward, urging the others to come along, but they don¡¯t. I stop in my tracks and hold my mask like smile. Their expressions are similar. Slowly I twist my head in the direction of the water slide. It was quite far away. In fact we barely made any distance towards it from the entrance.


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me¡­¡± I try to suppress reality in my mind.


    ¡°¡­this is the line for the slide.¡± Ken says cruelly like the party-pooper he was meant to be.


    ¡°Nooo waaaay!?¡± I sink to my knees. The line is freaking long! No, not long like the line in front of an Apple store on a new release, long like freaking J?rmungandr, the world serpent! Even if the difference is not that big admittedly.


    ¡°Wow¡­ if that goes all the way up to the top that must be at least¡­¡± Carla holds up her hands in a square shape as if making a photo.


    ¡°1.000.005 people.¡± Beanstalk calculated it in a second.


    ¡°Why the five specifically?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s us included.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    I look up at the endless spinning circles of visitors on the steps that are waiting in line. One million?! If we wait until it¡¯s our turn it will at least take a few days! Maybe we even need to camp out here. Under normal circumstances I¡¯d have totally done that, but this is not normal. Summer break is almost over.


    ¡°We could just go to the pool.¡± Carla suggests like a total quitter.


    ¡°Stop saying silly stuff quitter!¡±


    ¡°Okay then.¡± Her eyes become dull and she looks towards the whirlpool in secret longing.


    ¡°Can we go to the restaurant first?¡± Ramirez asks a very Ramirez like question.


    ¡°If we save you a spot you can go maybe.¡± I give him the go ahead, because I am such a nice guy.


    ¡°Ohh... but I want to be with you guys. T-then I will stay in line!¡± He made a choice that not many men could have made. His willpower is inspiring.


    ¡°Not to sound negative or anything, but we will not reach the end of the line before next week, according to my calculations.¡± Beanstalk holds up his calculator for us to see.


    ¡°Then what can we do?! We can¡¯t give up on the final battle. What were all our sacrifices worth!?¡±


    ¡°The price of admission, I guess.¡± Carla mumbles almost inaudibly.


    ¡°¡­then we just need to move ahead.¡° Ken interjects with his back turned to us. His hair waves in the breeze that inexplicably exists in this in-door pool.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± I ask as I gulp.


    ¡°It¡¯s time to fight back.¡± Ken says with a gravelly voice.


    ¡°How do we fight back?¡± Ramirez gulps too, but in his case it¡¯s just ice-cream. So they really sell some here.


    ¡°With cunning.¡± He points at Beanstalk. ¡°With power.¡± His finger moves to Ramirez. ¡°With our wiles.¡± He glances at Carla for a split-second.


    ¡°Hey.¡±


    ¡°And of course with willpower.¡± He slaps his own chest.


    ¡°Cool! And what¡¯s my talent?¡± I ask happily.


    ¡°You are the most important.¡± He confesses.


    ¡°Really? I didn¡¯t¡­ I didn¡¯t know you think so highly of me Ken.¡± My heart is moved by his trust.


    ¡°You will take all the blame.¡± Ken says with a straight face.


    ¡°Huh?¡± My face is frozen is space-time.


    ¡°Let¡¯s move this line. With or without its consent.¡± Ken smacks his fists together and walks ahead. The others follow him.


    ¡°G-guys? Can¡¯t we talk about this? Blame for what exactly? Guuuuys?!¡±


    And so began our quest for the Devil¡¯s Spiral. Looking back on it, perhaps we could have stopped right there and the police, the FBI, the firefighters, the ambulance, the gangsters, the aliens and the near end of the world wouldn¡¯t have been involved. Maybe.


    But then there would be no story to tell, would there?


    (To be continued)

 Slide 2: Mother knows worst

    <u>Slide 2: Mother knows worst </u>


    There¡¯s a time in any kid¡¯s life where it has to make a choice. Something that defines it for the rest of his or her lifetime and the core of what makes a person¡­ a person.


    What is that most important of all decisions you ask? A future career? Which brand of candy to waste your allowance on? Those are certainly important, but nothing can ever come close to the repercussions of the one thing that we can never change again.


    Hobbies.


    Now I know what you are going to say. We get new hobbies all the time. Some are abandoned at the wayside like worn out sandals and others are picked up like a fancy new swimsuit.


    WRONG.


    A kid¡¯s very first hobby defines their entire path in life! Their very existence is just one binary choice: The first hobby! Do you choose to accept that all-defining hobby or are you just going to do something that is not meant to be your destiny?


    A famous painter did not start their life with a basketball, just as a sailor does not learn to climb a mountain first. Like chicks freshly hatched from our eggs we imprint on the first thing we like. Boys like to collect action figures. Why? Because they are born to be action figure-


    Okay, maybe the comparison doesn¡¯t completely make sense, but it worked for us. Me and my friends, The Sliders, have all heard the call of the bubbling spring. Our childish selves had no idea what this magnificent thing was, but we climbed to its top and then rushed down at mildly impressive speed. Surely there was no greater pleasure than abusing gravity with very little friction. Ohoho, but there was! Once you splash the clearest liquids of 9 Realms over the slide it turns into a bridge that connects our dimension with the next world ¨C pure bliss!


    Basically, what I¡¯m trying to say is, water slides are pretty rad.


    To finish our magnum opus of a world tour, we have arrived at the biggest water park in the world, with the meanest, fastest, coolest, unsafest water slide ever made: The Devil¡¯s Spiral! It has more loops than a spring that can stretch across the entire solar system. It has waterfalls inside the tunnels. It shoots you up via a complex geyser system. It is rumored to break all the laws of physics.


    There is only one minor hiccup on our path to heaven.


    A waiting line.


    Of course a super-sized slide has a super-sized waiting line and so we ended up with around one million hindrances ahead of us. What is a courageous group of overconfident teenagers to do when faced with such an opponent?


    ¡°Uhm¡­ excuse me?¡± I walk up to the flock of crow-like mothers that are squawking incessantly at each other while ignoring their horrific brood of impatient monster children.


    ¡°¡­and so I said to him ¡®No way. If you want to see my boy ever again, you will pay the alimony and some extra, you good-for-nothing slob¡¯. Can you believe what he replied? ¡®He is my son too¡¯, he said. How dare he?!¡± The woman I had bumped into before ignores my approach completely.


    ¡°Vile!¡± A mother with a huge blot of sunscreen only on her nose shrieks.


    ¡°Such a¡­ such a despicable slouch.¡± The only thin (and by that I mean near bulimic) mom gives her disgusted reaction while rocking her snot-faced brat up and down.


    ¡°Hello? Anybody there?¡± I try again, but they seem serious about ignoring my existence. I consider just giving up here and now. Depressing adults like these are draining all my joy and determination.


    That¡¯s when I notice a boy staring at me. He is a lot younger than myself, as evident by the fact that he is still sucking his thumb. His blue eyes are really creepy somehow. In a crowd of people he manages to stand out like a sore thumb (while also sucking his own). I¡¯m not sure what to do, so I wave my hand in a friendly gesture.


    The boy stares.


    ¡°What¡¯s the hold up Mark?¡± I hear a low voice from behind the water noodle rack close-by.


    I squint my eyes as I try to keep my neck from moving. That was the voice of Carla. One of my dear friends that decided to throw me at this flesh mountain without so much as a word of support.


    ¡°I dunno. Maybe the fact that nobody is listening to me?¡± I mutter.


    ¡°What did you say?¡±


    ¡°Case in point¡­.¡± I sigh and move forward. Even if I¡¯m all on my own, my goal is right in front of me. How could I throw in the towel so early?! ¡°Miss!¡±


    ¡°So I will definitely sue him- Hm? You again, boy? Didn¡¯t I shoo you away for assaulting me already? Should I call the lifeguard to get you off of me?¡±


    I have literally zero interest in that obese crow, but saying that out loud would fetch me a slap at best.


    ¡°N-no, that¡¯s not necessary! I¡¯m sorry for bumping into you before.¡± I swallow my pride and common sense and apologize.


    ¡°Hmph. So your parents did beat some manners into you.¡±


    I actually haven¡¯t seen my parents in over two years, but that¡¯s beside the point.


    ¡°What does this ugly child want?¡± The anorexic crow asks with her beak pecking at- I mean with her nose rubbing against her helpless infant¡¯s head.


    ¡°I was about to ask Lucy!¡± She shouts over her shoulder and then turns back to me. ¡°What do you want?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s about the line¡­ I just wanted to ask¡­ if maybe me and my friends could go ahead of you? You probably don¡¯t want to ride it anyway, your kids do. We could take them along!¡± I make my most reasonable offer!


    They stare at me. For a loooong time.


    ¡°Bwahahaha!¡±


    ¡°Gyaaggaga!!¡±


    ¡°Grogogogoo!¡±


    And they are apparently going into anaphylactic shock. Maybe they are allergic to children? Would explain why that one in the back is trying to keep as much distance to her daughter as humanly possible.


    It dawns on me eventually that they are actually laughing.


    ¡°Cutting in line at this age? Your parents are greater failures than my Ex!¡±


    ¡°Ahaha, which one?¡±


    ¡°Oh.... that one guy¡­ he had a mustache.¡±


    ¡°Frank? Percy?¡±


    ¡°Both fit the bill.¡±


    They are absorbed in discussing their failed love lives again. At least that spares me more humiliation. The mothers are a dead end. Which means¡­


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    I exchange yet another look with the creepy boy. Is it possible to make thumb sucking menacing? He is really pulling it off!


    ¡°H-hi! I¡¯m Mark. What¡¯s your name?¡± I ask with a smile that I would give a one story water slide at the local pool. Not too joyful, but still the bare minimum of courtesy.


    ¡°¡­.Dylan.¡± Dylan answers with a voice that should not come out of a little boy¡¯s mouth. What did they feed him?! Liquid testosterone?The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°That¡¯s a¡­ cool name. Really¡­ dynamic.¡± It might be a terrible time to realize that I have no idea how to communicate with human beings.


    ¡°Do ya like ice-cream Uncle?¡± Dylan asks while deviously sucking his thumb.


    ¡°Ice-cream? Sure, I guess. I don¡¯t really think too much about what I eat.¡± Why is he calling me uncle? Do I look that old? When did I grow a mustache?


    ¡°I like chocolate flavor.¡± Dylan grins malefic while sucking his thumb.


    ¡°That¡¯s probably the default choice. I¡¯m more a vanilla kind of guy-¡°


    ¡°¡­¡± Dylan¡¯s eyes turn sharp as those of lizards. He stops sucking his thumb.


    ¡°C-chocolate is great too though!¡± I extend my hands to calm him down.


    My fingers hurt all of a sudden.


    ¡°GAAH! You bit me?!¡± I pull my hands back, but the alligator like jaws of this kid are crunching down on them as if they were a quick snack!


    ¡°Gnu cwant wike Bwanailla!!¡±


    ¡°Whyyy?! Why is this common flavor choice so upsetting to you??!¡± I yell as I spin the kid in circles around me. The centrifugal force increases the pressure on my poor hands even more, while Dylan shows no sign of letting loose!


    ¡°Hush Dylan, mommy is talking right now.¡± One of the moms just casually tells us to quiet down without even glancing over!


    ¡°Excuse me, Miss? Your son is devouring my flesh!¡±


    ¡°I said quiet down. The adults are talking. Dylan would never do something like that.¡± She pushes me back, which makes me lose my footing.


    The next moment I fall to the slippery tiled floor below with a ravenous beast on top of me.


    ¡°Chocolate!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry! Chocolate is the best, alright?! I was just trying to support vanilla, because I felt bad for how much people hate it!¡±


    ¡°CHOCOLATE?¡±


    ¡°YES! Chocolate!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s da best.¡± Dylan transforms back into a sinister child and sucks his thumb, relieving my nearly severed fingers of his sharp milk teeth.


    ¡°He gets along with Dylan?¡±


    ¡°Waaah¡­. What a weirdo.¡±


    ¡°Boys.¡±


    The other kids are starting to trash talk me as well. This seems to be a lose-lose-lose situation. I don¡¯t remember being so judgmental when I went to grade school! Actually I don¡¯t remember grade school at all. All my memories are of the school¡¯s pool slide. It was tiny and old, but it had soul. A true artisan¡¯s craftsmanship, down to the peeling old paint and badly hammered nails that stuck out at some places-


    ¡°Want ice-cream?¡± Dylan (still sitting on top of me by the way) asks me with a terrifying thumb sucking smirk.


    ¡°I want to say no, but that will probably get me another bite mark. So yeah! Ice-cream.¡± I swallow. The shop is all the way back at the bistro. If I get dragged over there now I will probably lose precious time. But if I ignore Dylan I might lose something else precious.


    ¡°I have ice-cream.¡± Dylan says conspiratorially and rummages through his swimming trunks. ¡°Mommy said I shud eat all, but I waited for later.¡± He snickers darkly and then pulls out something.


    What? You want me to describe that? No chance. Your imagination probably knows best what comes out of a boy¡¯s swimming trunks after he stored it in there for several hours.


    Wow, that sounded horrible.


    Not as horrible as that molten sticky mass of formerly-ice-cream though!


    ¡°I share wit you, becuz you like chocolate.¡± Dylan¡¯s manly voice makes it sound like a threat.


    ¡°T-that¡¯s okay! My friend Ramirez actually bought some before we got here, so I¡¯m already full-¡°


    ¡°You deny da chocolate?!¡± His expression could have made grown men cry.


    ¡°N-no siree! I loooove chocolate!¡± I cry out in fear. Somebody needs to save me! I desperately look over to the rack where Carla was hiding before.


    We make eye-contact. Good, she is still there. It¡¯s time to use our secret technique, something we developed thanks to our deep bonds and experiences over the years.


    Telepathy!


    ¡®Save me, save me, save me!¡¯


    Through strange dimensions I transfer the contents of mind to hers and make her aware of my struggle. She returns my intense stare with a calculating look. Understanding lights up on her face.


    She throws a sandal at me.


    ¡°Ouch!¡± I glare at her. What the heck was that about? I didn¡¯t ask for a sandal! S-a-v-e m-e!


    Carla shrugs.


    Right, telepathy doesn¡¯t exist. I realize with dulled eyes.


    Nevermind! There must be ways for her to catch my meaning! I wiggle my eyebrows and clack my teeth. Then I point at Dylan.


    Carla raises a brow, watches Dylan (who is dangerously close to shoving his ice-cream into my face) and then glances back over her shoulder. She finally gives me thumbs up.


    Thank goodness. Sometimes old-fashioned body language is all that¡¯s needed between friends-


    ¡°Ouch!¡± A rake hit my across the nose. A RAKE? ¡°Oh come on!¡± I shout in annoyance.


    I was apparently really loud. Because everyone stares at me now. Even the careless moms.


    ¡°What did you hand my boy, you miserable runt?¡± Dylan¡¯s mom does not look happy. Seeing the brown mass inside her boy¡¯s hands she apparently thinks that I, the guy who is currently lying on his back and trying to pull himself away from the kid, gave it to him. ¡°Dylan, don¡¯t touch dirty things! Especially not things that strange kids give you!¡±


    I would probably feel offended over that strange comment, but Dylan is performing something akin to a step dance on my guts, so I have no air to protest.


    ¡°Dis chocolate! Mommy shud not be mean to Mark fo likin¡¯ chocolate! Want to share mommy¡¯s chocolate with Mark!¡±


    ¡°I never gave you any chocolate.¡± Dylan¡¯s mom says.


    What?


    My face freezes in a smile of terror.


    That would explain the smell.


    ¡°God boy, if your father hadn¡¯t left to buy cigarettes he would give you a stern beating. You really take after him. Let¡¯s go wash your hands-¡°


    ¡°NO! Don¡¯t wanna! Wanna give CHOCOLATE!¡± Dylan is losing his composure again.


    On top of me. While waving his brown hands around. HELP.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be a brat and give me your arm! We are going to the bathroom right now!¡±


    As mother and son struggle (on top of my helpless body) the other mothers start to say nasty things about Dylan¡¯s mom. Those crows feed on anything they can it seems, even backstabbing one of their own.


    ¡°Hehehe, Dylan is getting chewed out!¡± One of the girls giggles. Apparently Dylan is not popular among the other kids.


    ¡°Dirty Dylan hahah!¡±


    The kids begin to chant mean things and Dylan looks around with a hurt expression.


    ¡°B-but chocolate¡­ erryone like chocolate¡­.¡± He is tearing up.


    My brain hurts. What is this situation exactly? All I know is that I somehow feel bad for Dylan and his mom. Being ganged up on by a group is always terrible.


    ¡°Hey Dylan.¡± I call out to him and he looks at me in confusion.


    ¡°?¡±


    ¡°I heard that girl say she likes melon flavored ice-cream the best.¡± I point at the girl that made fun of Dylan first.


    ¡°GRAAAH? Chocolate?¡± His eyes return to their primal state.


    ¡°Nope. All of them would rather eat stracciatella or strawberry.¡±


    ¡°C-CHOCO-¡°


    ¡°Their moms told them that chocolate sucks!¡±


    ¡°CHOCOLAAAATE!¡± Dylan breaks free of his mother¡¯s distressed arms and rushes forward like an unstoppable steam train. Like a certain juggernaut, he is unstoppable.


    I slowly get up and wipe my shorts from the puddle water and enjoy the view as Dylan rampages. His hands touch, scratch, smear and splat against anything that is not fast enough to dodge bullets.


    The cacophony of shrieking mothers and crying children is music to my ears. Sometimes being mean is the best way to improve society.


    I nod to myself as the crowd around me disperses and the pool visitors stare at the commotion. The line is getting a satisfying chunk shorter.


    After the carnage ends and Dylan returns to me I kneel down and smile.


    ¡°You showed ¡®em the superiority of chocolate.¡± I give him a thumbs up.


    ¡°Thanks Uncle¡­ for likin¡¯ chocolate. Erryone really funny when they touch, so I like very much.¡± His deep voice for the first time was filled with something other than sinister joy or rage. Satisfaction.


    ¡°Yeah, we all got something we get really obsessive over. Something that defines us. Ice-cream isn¡¯t such a bad thing to love.¡± I contemplate profoundly. Ramirez would probably call that kind of view foolish and limited. Liking just one food is blasphemy to him. Also he prefers to eat six flavors at once when he gets ice-cream.


    ¡°Ice-cream¡¯s da best!¡± Dylan hugs me. ¡°But Uncle is second best!¡±


    ¡°Hahaha, you¡¯re making me blush!¡± We hug for a second (not long enough to make it really awkward) and then Dylan runs towards his mom who is looking at the catastrophe around her with a mix of despair and endearment. Maybe this will teach her to pay more attention to her son.


    ¡°We are back Mark! Time to take care of those mothers!¡± Ken, Beanstalk and Ramirez come running over all of a sudden. Where exactly have they been?


    ¡°Huh?¡± Ramirez looks around in confusion while chomping on his ice-cream bowl. ¡°Where¡¯s everyone?¡±


    ¡°I took care of it on my own! All in a day¡¯s work.¡± I pump out my chest and put my hands on my waist in pride.


    ¡°For real? What did we get these for then?¡± Beanstalk sighs and adjusts his taped glasses. In the other hand he is holding¡­ A giant water rifle.


    ¡°Guys¡­ was this your plan? Harass people with water guns?¡± I stare at them in disbelief.


    ¡°¡­of course not.¡± Ken says with a huff and leans his water bazooka on his shoulder. ¡°We were going to challenge them to a fight, so Carla could cut in line.¡±


    ¡°Ah. So that¡¯s why she has been hiding.¡± I glance towards Carla who is coming out of hiding now.


    ¡°You idiot. I¡¯ve been telling you to wait for the others.¡± Her hands comb through her short hair as she averts her face from Ken and the others.


    ¡°Oh really? And how did you do that? Do you think I have telepathic abilities or something? Don¡¯t be silly!¡± I say with a teasing smile.


    ¡°No, moron.¡± She picks up the sandal and rake from the ground. Then she pushes them into my arms.


    I look them over and notice small notes stuck to them. She told the truth. That¡¯s a very Carla like solution for sure¡­ Seriously, where did she get that rake?


    ¡°Whatever, all¡¯s well that ends well. How many were those? About 50 people I just knocked off the board? All thanks to Dylan.¡±


    ¡°Who¡¯s Dylan?¡± Beanstalk tilts his head.


    ¡°A pretty cool guy who loves chocolate.¡± I say mysteriously and walk forward to the new end of the line.


    ¡°I don¡¯t get it¡­ hey what¡¯s that smell?¡± Ramirez holds his nose shut and looks around.


    ¡°What are you talking about?¡± I ask with a wide smile.


    ¡°Did you fall on your back Mark? You are really dirty.¡±


    ¡°W-whatever could you mean?¡± My smile is stuck.


    ¡°That kid hugged you.¡± Carla reminds me with a fair amount of distance and a dry smirk.


    ¡°¡­.¡± My smile is trying to strangle itself.


    ¡°So was that stuff really poo-¡°


    ¡°SHOOT ME! Do it nooow!¡± I yell at the water gun trio with all of my soul.


    ¡°Don¡¯t have to tell me twice.¡± Ken pulls the trigger without remorse. He doesn¡¯t even know why, but that doesn¡¯t seem to matter.


    ¡°F-full force!¡± Ramirez joins in hesitantly.


    ¡°The combined stream of three MkXIIs is equal to a water pressured diamond cutter.¡± Beanstalk explains as he shoots me as well.


    ¡°GYAAAAH!¡±


    The pain rinses away the shame like a water slide that¡¯s cleaned with detergent.


    <hr>


    Today¡¯s MVP: Dylan


    Line advanced: 50 people


    Next level: Medium Difficulty


    (To be continued)

 Slide 3: 1 + 1 = 3

    <u>Slide 3: 1 + 1 = 3


    </u>


    ¡°Oh my god, someone please help!¡± I beg the heavens for support.


    ¡°Ahhhh! It hurts so much!¡±


    ¡°Why won¡¯t anyone help her?!¡± I blame the hell of a world we are stranded in with salty tears streaming down my face.


    Desperate screams echo across the water park. Two people hunched over on the floor, one holding on to their belly. Concerned visitors are watching them perplexed.


    ¡°Woah, what¡¯s going on, what happened??¡± A young man walks over and asks in genuine concern.


    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s my wife.¡± I say while clutching the hand of the woman that is writhing in pain. I look up to the confused crowd.


    ¡°Your wife¡­? How old are-¡°


    ¡°She is in labor!!¡± I yell with desperation.


    ¡°L-labor? For real?¡± Two middle-aged men are getting flustered.


    Time out.


    Alright, so you are probably asking yourself ¡®What is going on?¡¯ Is this some kind of cheesy soap opera? Maybe a rescue TV channel? Of course not. We are still hanging with the Sliders, whose most important mission is to reach the end of the line towards the greatest water slide of all time: The Devil¡¯s Spiral. For the sake of that dream we are willing to go to any length, even childbirth.


    ¡°What month is she in?¡± Suddenly we are approached by a woman.


    I begin to sweat profusely. I did not expect an expert to arrive.


    ¡°Er¡­ m-month?¡± I stall for time while looking for support from my wife.


    Ramirez, face hidden under a long wig, shakes his head and holds his stomach even more tightly.


    ¡°Did she already break water?¡± Another woman approaches as well. She doesn¡¯t look like she gave birth before, but as far as I know all women naturally know about such things.


    Water? What does she mean by water? And how does one break a fluid? Her skeptical eyes might even penetrate my perfect disguise. I have to be careful.


    ¡°You are standing right in it.¡± I point at all the puddles around us. There is water if she likes it so much!


    ¡°Eeeek!¡± A few younger women and even men start to jump back from the puddles.


    ¡°All of this?! How long has she been in labor already?¡± A teenage girl looks at Ramirez in a mix of disgust and sympathy.


    ¡°Uh¡­ that is to say¡­ probably a few hours?¡± I reply without any recourse. Now that they have started the questioning I need to improvise.


    ¡°WHAT? Why did you drag this poor lady to a pool in such a condition?¡± A really angry lady slaps me!


    ¡°Bwagh! I-I¡¯m sorry! This was what she wanted. She wanted to go to- Y-yes she wanted to go to the water slide to relax her pregnant body! The doctor said it was good for the baby! And like.. a good breathing exercise?¡± I still remember my pregnant aunt talking about having to learn to breathe right for relaxation.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe that quack! How could he be so carefree? We need to get your wife to a hospital right away.¡± A crowd of ladies is now surrounding me and Ramirez.


    ¡°Here, I will lend you my shoulder. Come on sir, you must help your wife as well. As a three times father I know how it is.¡± A really cool guy with a stubble winks and offers us his shoulder.


    ¡°Ramirez, this does not look good.¡± I whisper to my friend.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Mark; I don¡¯t know how to be pregnant.¡± Ramirez apologizes to me. A golden heart beats in his large man-chest.


    ¡°Time for plan S.¡±


    ¡°Plan S-?¡± Before he can finish his inquiry I ram my elbow into his side. ¡°AIIIIAAAAHHH!¡±


    ¡®S¡¯, naturally, stands for ¡®Scream¡¯. Or eScalation. Whichever you prefer.


    ¡°OH NO. She cannot move! We need the doctor to come - to us!¡± I continue my impeccable act.


    ¡°That sounds really bad.¡± The crowd buys our act.


    ¡°Does anyone have their cellphone with them?¡±


    ¡°Cellphones aren¡¯t allowed in the pool area.¡±


    ¡°Shit! Curse you overreliance on technology!¡±


    ¡°There must be a phone at the reception.¡± I shout into the panicking mass.


    ¡°R-right! We will look after your wife, you just get a doctor.¡±


    ¡°Oh, no, but I-¡° They are pulling me up and pushing me towards the exit!


    That is when my ankle is suddenly grabbed tightly. The iron grip resembling that of an experienced weight-lifter surprises even me.


    ¡°Darling¡­ stay¡­ here¡­¡± Ramirez hams up his performs to infinity and sheds real tears of fear. Even the Oscar jury would believe that he has abandonment issues!


    ¡°It¡¯s going to be alright dear. Even though you clearly need my attention, the warmth of my stalwart hand and the love of a true man to keep you going through these trying times¡­ I will fulfill the duty society imposes on me and run for that phone. You better believe I will dash away from your dying bedside so our child may live. Even if you will die during childbirth because I was not there.¡± I take a knee and hug Ramirez one last time before rising to leave.


    ¡°Stay dammit!¡± Several men with moist eyes pull me back and push me towards my ¡®wife¡¯.


    ¡°We¡¯re gonna get you that doctor!¡±


    ¡°Hold on Miss! We are with you.¡± Two girls are patting Ramirez on the back and accidentally unhook his badly adjusted bikini top. With superhuman speed I hook it back together to protect my wife¡¯s shameful parts. Wait.


    ¡°Have you heard?¡± The loud and clear voice of a passerby suddenly catches everyone¡¯s attention. In between all our yelling she¡¯s the first real calm voice and thus gets more attention. She is addressing a blond boy who seems utterly disinterested.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I said, have you heard?¡± She unsubtly rams her elbow into his side. A familiar move.


    ¡°Grr¡­ heard what?¡± He asks disgruntled.


    ¡°Apparently there was a problem with the phone lines and they¡¯ve been unable to make calls in the entire water park.¡± The tomboyish girl says while shrugging as if it doesn¡¯t matter to her.


    ¡°What a pain. The water park is miles from the city. Would be really annoying to get to a working phone line.¡± The apathetic boy replies as if he was reading from a teleprompter. Luckily he is only reading from a sheet of paper. That is less conspicuous.


    ¡°No way!¡±


    ¡°This can¡¯t beee!¡±


    ¡°What are we gonna do?!¡±


    Now the crowd is really going crazy. I give a really subtle thumbs up to Carla and Ken. The duo promptly ignores me. Aha, keeping to their roles, good thinking.


    ¡°HONEY? Is that a hand? I think I can see a hand come out!¡± I shout and give them a fake freak out.


    ¡°WOOOOAAH!¡± The guys are absolutely terrified, while the women look more determined than ever.


    ¡°We just need to get our cellphones from the cars. Call a doctor as fast as possible.¡±Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    ¡°Yeah!¡±


    ¡°I will get a few towels and hot water!¡±


    ¡°I think my grandma was a midwife!¡±


    The entire group is getting extremely fired up and runs off in all directions. I watch them leave with a hand over my mouth. Such wonderful people. I¡¯m proud to be a part of humanity.


    I help Ramirez up and take off his long black wig. He looks pretty exhausted from the act. I tear off my fake mustache. Everyone knows that a good disguise includes at least one fake mustache.


    Carla and Ken join us.


    ¡°How many do you think were that?¡± I ask professionally.


    ¡°Dunno. 20?¡± Carla replies while counting on her fingers.


    ¡°Too slow.¡± I bite my thumb nail. ¡°At this rate we will never substantially shorten the line.¡±


    We naturally advance the 20 spaces that just freed up in front of us. That¡¯s when Ben returns from his reconnaissance.


    ¡°Any exploitable traits ahead?¡±


    ¡°I have not calculated that yet. There is something else that you should know.¡± Ben adjusts his taped round glasses ominously. Then he looks at Ramirez who is busy wiping his lipstick on a napkin. ¡°Your strategy worked? I estimated a chance of success below 2%...¡±


    ¡°Hah! Beanstalk, you know we can¡¯t be stopped by mere probability! Ramirez has been doing a great job as a woman in labor.¡± I slap Ramirez back and he blushes from the praise.


    ¡°We didn¡¯t need much of a costume for him at least. Would have been tough to get a fake preggars belly around here.¡± Carla mumbles behind me.


    ¡°Where did you get the bikini top and lipstick anyway?¡± I ask with a raised brow.


    ¡°W-who cares?¡± She gets defensive right away and crosses her arms! Strange. Maybe she got it from a friend. We all know Carla only wears one-piece swimsuits.


    ¡°Get to the point.¡± Ken interrupts with his overbearing presence and pushes between us.


    ¡°Hm, right.¡± Ben glances back at the line. ¡°There is someone we know among the enemy.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me!¡± I jump back in a defensive martial arts stance.


    ¡°No, not the police.¡±


    ¡°I-I wasn¡¯t thinking of the dirty cops!¡± I hastily back paddle. Those meddlesome meddlers would arrest us on the spot if they knew our record. It¡¯s natural to expect them at every turn of a slide.


    ¡°It can¡¯t be anything bad. It¡¯s not like we will run into our math teacher around this place.¡± Carla said with a sarcastic smirk.


    ¡°Actually it¡¯s Mr. Hudson.¡± Ben points at our math teacher, in his grey on grey swim trunks. For no apparent reason he is still wearing his deathly ugly tie though.


    ¡°Uwaaah!¡± Carla immediately hides behind my back with a pale face, fear of the end times edged into her features.


    ¡°Why are you so scared? It¡¯s just our teacher.¡± I shake her hands off my shoulders and walk up to the grey on grey skinned fossil. ¡°Hi Mr. Hudson!¡± I call out to him cheerfully.


    ¡°Oh.¡± He raises his sharp nose with a mix of disgust and acceptance of his lot in life. ¡°It is you.¡± I have never once in my life heard the word ¡®you¡¯ used as an insult. Until now.


    ¡°Sir, I didn¡¯t think you were the type to¡­ well.¡± Ben walks up to our teacher with respect. He is his star pupil after all. Can¡¯t ruin the image.


    ¡°To enjoy life? To spend time with meaningless activities that benefit only the excessive hedonists that created these uncultured distractions for the mindless masses?¡± Every word coming from his mouth was more pronounced than the last. Is overpronunciation a thing?


    ¡°Yeah that.¡± I reply truthfully.


    ¡°Tsk. As expected of you Mr. Masters. No delicacy or tact can be found in your miserable hippocampus.¡±


    I¡¯m pretty sure he insulted me just now, but I don¡¯t know how.


    ¡°Camping hippos? That sounds fun!¡± Ramirez looks happy for some reason. He probably thinks it¡¯s a new pool attraction.


    ¡°Hmmm. Mr. Reskovik, why are you wearing a woman¡¯s swimming garments?¡± Mr. Hudson raises a curled brow at Ramirez outfit. ¡°Do I need to inform your parents?¡±


    ¡°Hey now, we aren¡¯t in school.¡± I try to calm him down with a placatory hand motion. Why did Ramirez not take that off yet actually? ¡°So you want to ride the Devil¡¯s Spiral too, sir?¡±


    ¡°There is no such thing as ¡®want¡¯ in this reality. I have no regard for the popular pacifiers of the common man¡¯s critical thinking capacity.¡± He¡¯s tapping his half-bald head like he knows something we don¡¯t.


    ¡°But it¡¯s a really cool slide.¡± I reply with a smile.


    ¡°Indeed. I am investigating this satanic object of admiration in the name of my community. It is my solemn duty to protect my fellow Christians from any such bad influence. I am not a sheep that is interested in Beelzebub¡¯s traps.¡±


    ¡°Okay then. If you don¡¯t care about it that much, could you let us pass?¡± I ask filled with hope.


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Awww, c¡¯mon.¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Dammit.¡± I am all out of options. ¡°We are your favorite students, so can¡¯t you make an exception this once??¡±


    ¡°Best. Students.¡± His nose is creating noises resembling a dying tractor motor. ¡°Mr. Pavil notwithstanding, you are the lowest ranking in the last exam.¡± He might as well have rammed stakes in all of our hearts at once! Carla sinks to her knees.


    As expected Ben is the only one exempt from harsh reality.


    I knew that my grades are nothing to write home about, school¡¯s just not important to me. Carla seems to take it pretty badly though. I think her parents actually care? She must have met them very recently to have such a devastated expression. It could even have been in the last six months!


    ¡°I tried really hard, but I always get distracted by pie.¡±


    ¡°Pi.¡± Mr. Hudson corrects Ramirez.


    ¡°Pie.¡± He repeats.


    ¡°P.I.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure what a detective has to do with it. Should I hire them to do my homework?¡±


    ¡°You are not as stupid as you make yourself out to be.¡± Mr. Hudson squints.


    ¡°I get all of us, but why you Ken?¡± Carla is putting on a brave face and accepts sitting in the corner of shame with us.


    ¡°Hmph.¡± Ken turns away with crossed arms.


    ¡°Let me translate.¡± I raise my hand. ¡°Ken¡¯s simply too cool for school.¡±


    ¡°Ah makes sense.¡±


    ¡°Yeah should have seen that coming.¡±


    ¡°Mr. Kim that is not viable excuse in front of your teacher.¡±


    ¡°He is pretty cool.¡±


    Despite his attitude Mr. Hudson cares about our education for some reason. We should probably not try to question him too much. Still, he is in our way.


    ¡°Sir, if you have the results of the exams could you tell me my score?¡± Ben asks in a casual manner, which is pretty stiff by normal human standards.


    ¡°100%. As expected of my star pupil.¡±


    ¡°Hey. That¡¯s my line.¡± I complain quietly.


    ¡°Who¡¯s the worst?¡± Carla asks while staring at me.


    ¡°Mark obviously.¡± Ken throws in.


    ¡°Thanks friends! So glad to know you have my back! With a knife.¡±


    ¡°Correct. Mr. Masters has managed to surpass his previous failures by only getting one question right.¡± Mr. Hudson blows more air through his sharp nose.


    ¡°Seriously? He got one right?¡± Carla is genuinely surprised. But so am I. Not really interested in worldly matters as I am, such things elude me. The divinity of water slides keeps me afloat through school.


    ¡°I think I know how.¡± Ben adjusts his glasses. ¡°Which was the correct one?¡±


    ¡°Question 23.¡±


    ¡°Now it makes sense.¡± Ben turns to us. ¡°Question 23 was a question where we had to calculate the approximate vectors of the water streams inside a curved pipe.¡±


    ¡°Oh it¡¯s that really out of place hardcore question.¡± Carla holds her face in pain.


    Mr. Hudson is notorious for his one horrific killer question per exam that only exists to ruin perfect scores. He takes material from several levels above the current curriculum and puts it smack dab into our unprepared hands. The board of education does not dare oppose him though, because he threatens to declare them apostates. Long story.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t that hard.¡± Ben says with a tilted head.


    ¡°You don¡¯t count.¡± Carla replies coldly.


    ¡°It is beyond my comprehension how Mr. Masters of all students managed to answer my golden question correctly. I have investigated your locker for witch charms and neural boosters. It seems neither the occult nor science could explain this mystery.¡± He admits his unhappy defeat.


    ¡°Hmph. Isn¡¯t it obvious? The question was perfect for him.¡± Ken says, obviously having seen through everything already.


    ¡°I don¡¯t get it.¡± Ramirez shakes his head as he gnaws on a chicken wing. Where did he¡­?


    ¡°Wait. What was that? Water streams in a pipe?¡± Carla suddenly realizes something.


    ¡°Exactly.¡± Ben nods. ¡°It¡¯s like a water slide.¡±


    ¡°Oh that makes sense.¡± I nod.


    ¡°What?¡± Mr. Hudson raises his curled brow beyond the limits of his forehead.


    ¡°Mark¡¯s single-mindedness is really impressive, sir. As long as you somehow put it into the context of water slides he can basically do anything.¡± Ben explains calmly. ¡°Mark, what is the square root of 2345?¡±


    ¡°I have no clue. Sorry.¡± That one is tough for anybody I think¡­


    ¡°If you had to create a water slide with the a diameter that is made from the square root of 2345cm<sup>2</sup>-¡°


    ¡°48.4252000512 cm.¡° I shoot back without even thinking.


    ¡°Impossible.¡± Mr. Hudson¡¯s dead fish eyes widen.


    ¡°No, he is definitely correct.¡± Ben holds up the calculator he always carries with him.


    ¡°Not what I meant¡­ Does this mean you are simply not trying?¡± That was the worst insult to a teacher¡¯s ego. When their pupils didn¡¯t try.


    ¡°¡­yes actually.¡± Carla suddenly chimes in with a devilish expression.


    ¡°Huh?¡± I look at her with a salty sweat drop of anxiousness running down my cheek.


    ¡°Heh. Mark always says that he hates your lessons.¡± Ken smirks.


    ¡°Err¡­ Mark isn¡¯t bad! He just doesn¡¯t like trying very much.¡± Ramirez tries to back me up and instead stabs me in the foot.


    ¡°It¡¯s not so much laziness and more a total lack of interest in anything that you represent, sir.¡± Ben adds with a guilty look. He avoids my pleading eyes.


    ¡°Ohhh, I see how it is. You believe me to be incompetent? BORING. Not jiggy with the hip kidz?!¡±


    ¡°I¡­ what?¡±


    ¡°Such humiliation! A genius that shackles itself for the sake of defiance. Smiling me in the face in his sin! I will have a word with your parents Mr. Masters. There will be no doubt that this will upset the community. May the lord forgive me for what is about to transpire!¡±


    ¡°Please, can¡¯t we talk about this? It¡¯s not you, it¡¯s me.¡± I say with my hands crossed pleadingly.


    ¡°Exactly! It is you! You are the sinner!¡±


    ¡°I feel like that¡¯s gross overreaction for some boring school lessons.¡±


    ¡°Whoops. You said the ¡®B¡¯-word.¡± Carla shrugs her shoulders gleefully.


    ¡°P-P-P-P-Preposteroooooous! An outrage! Where are you parents right now young man?! I will have a parental guidance meeting on the spot.¡±


    ¡°His parents are on a business trip in Europe.¡± Ken is being rather helpful all of a sudden.


    ¡°Europe? Very well! You cannot escape!¡± Mr. Hudson storms off with a tinge of red on his grey on grey face.


    ¡°This was all part of your guys'' plan, huh?¡± I ask while watching our math teacher go on a terrifying crusade.


    ¡°Sure, sure.¡± Carla shrugs again. She walks forward one spot in the line.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you glad? One more step in our journey to your dream.¡± Ken brushes past me as well.


    ¡°Hopefully not every step will cost me that much. If Mr. Hudson makes it to Europe I¡¯m pretty sure I will be grounded for life.¡± I sigh and follow them.


    It is true, a man has to give everything for his dream, be it possessions, mind or body. This time the prize was high, for little gain, but how could it possibly get worse, right?


    Ramirez coughs after almost choking on some food. I slap his back for support, but somehow the bikini top''s strings loosen. It falls off and into the breeze of a ceiling fan, forever lost to the distant pool.


    ¡°Eeeeek! Pervert!¡± Ramirez slaps me across the left cheek and hides his chest.


    ¡°My top!!¡± Carla watches it float away in anguish and then backhands my right face half with her hand as well.


    This double team effort leaves me collapsed on the ground. There is always another level of hell below.


    <hr>


    Today¡¯s MVP: The Education System


    Line advanced: 23 people.


    Next level: Super Medium Difficulty.