《Bald Head Joe Try's To Save the World?》


 Prologue : A Hero Was Summoned Or Should Have Been?

    "O''Hero we ask thee... ... ... ... ... Uh, what the fuck is that?" The man dressed in a red robe sporting a white beard and mustache turned to the man next to him and asked.


    "I''m not sure sire. He''s blue, shiny and when it moves it looks like he is just flowing with liquid." A tall older man in a brown robe answered.


    In the middle of a white room adorned with what looked to be expensive objects and a group of people was Joe. Joe looked around a little perplexed as to why he was here. All he could remember was fucking this dirty hooker who he had planned to fuck and leave without paying. He was in the middle of fucking her, and when he was just about to explode and then he found himself here. His pants were around his ankles, his dick was hanging out for the whole world to see, and he was being stared at by a bunch of old fucks with long beards that wore robes. What the fuck is this the hobbit?


    "Can you fucks tell me where I am and why I am here?" Joe asked the people who were still staring at him.


    "It''s Blue and its body swirls like liquid! It''s a human-shaped slime!" One of the people in the crowd screamed. People in the crowd started to freak out and run out of the room.


    "Call the guards and run, the summon was a failure! It''s a human-shaped slime! " The red robed man yelled as they all ran out of the room leaving Joe by himself.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    "What the fuck? Guards they mean the police? Fuck this I''m out." Joe pulled his pants up and bolted for the door.


    "An that''s what happened. Can You believe that shit? Those fucks chased me all the way out into the fucking town! It was hard to run this far you know, but those guys with swords were on my ass and I sure as hell did not want a fucking sword up my ass."


    "Whaaa mommy whaaa!!!"


    "What are you doing to my daughter!" A rather plump lady came running over and picked up the crying child.


    "The fuck you mean doing to your daughter. She started crying on her own fat ass. Maybe your daughter wouldn''t cry so much if her mother wasn''t so fucking fat. What the fuck is the matter with the people in this town. "


    "What the fuck you say about my wife!?" A seemingly muscular man came running over grabbed Joe by his collar and beat the ever living shit out of him.


    Joe woke up surrounded by tree''s, grass, and bushes. He was in a forest. The breeze was gentle and the temperature was just right. All was well except how much Joe''s face hurt. The plumpy ladies husband really kicked the shit out of him. So much so that his face was now black and blue and quite swollen. As Joe tried to get up he slipped and fell and landed with a splat.


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    Ding!


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    Joe heard a sound in his head.


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    Killed Dung Shroom! 2 XP gained!


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    "What the fuck who said that! And what the fuck is that smell!" Joe yelled out in rage. He rolled himself over to find a brown mess on his stomach. This brown mess was the remains of a Dung Shroom and this is how Joe''s journey begins.

 Chapter One : A Hero wandered Or Was Trying To?

    "The hell! This brown shit won''t come off, and it fucking stinks ." Joe was trying his hardest to get the Dung Shroom remains off of his fat belly.  Our hero Joe was wandering around the woods he had found himself in when he woke up.  This was because he got his ass kicked by a fat chicks husband. "Why the hell is it so fucking hot! My balls are soaked!"


    ''Squish!''


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    Ding!


    Killed Dung Shroom! 2 XP gained!


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    "Fucking shit! Awe man that shit stinks." Joe cursed the sky as he scrapped the Dung Shroom off the bottom of his foot on a rock.


    "Why do these things keep fucking popping up out of nowhere. And there''s that fucking voice again."  Joe finally got most of the Dung Shroom off his foot, but when he went to step forward again.


    ''Squish!''


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    Ding!


    Killed Dung Shroom! 2 XP gained!


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    "Fuck!!!!!!"


    Joe had found a river after walking for about 20 minutes or so. He also stepped on 6 more Dung Shrooms along the way. Joe''s total experience now totaled 20. Joe, however, did not know this, he decided to just ignore the voice he kept hearing.


    "Fucking finally! Got that brown shit off me. Damn this place is like a minefield."


    ''Phfffffffuuuuut!''


    Joe farted.


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    Ding!


    Used Toxic Gas, Ginger Toad Poisoned!


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    "That fucking voice again and what the fuck is a Ginger Toad!" Joe turned around to see a toad about 3 feet tall behind him. The toad was foaming at the mouth. It then collapsed to the ground with its eyes rolled into the back of its head.


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    Ding!


    Killed Ginger Toad! 50 XP gained!


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    Level UP!


    Joe  1 -> 2


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    "The fuck is a level up!?"  Joe yelled in confusion.


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    Please Check Status!


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    Joe ignored the voice again.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


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    Please Check Status!


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    Please Check Status!


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    Please Check Status!


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    Please Check Status!


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    "Shut the fuck up!! I don''t even know what the fuck a [Status] is!"


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    Status


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    Name:


    Level:


    Weight:


    Health:


    Strength:


    Stamina:


    Constitution:


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    Joe


    1->2


    Fat


    300->500


    100->105


    1->2


    100->105


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    Race:


    Hair:


    Mana:


    Intel:


    Agility:


    Mind:


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    Human


    Bald


    50->75


    1 ->2


    1->2


    1->2


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    <td width="95"> </td>


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    <td width="78"> </td>


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    <u>Abilities</u>


    Belly Flop (Does physical damage. Chance to instakill a target. Otherwise deals 100 physical damage )


    Toxic Gas(Deadly poison that is released from the anal area. Deals 1,000 over 10 seconds.)


    Stomp(Does physical damage. Deals 50 physical damage, will instakill target if smaller than his foot.  )


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    <u>Titles</u>


    Fatass(Grants 75 Strength. Grants 75 Constitution. Lowers other stat''s except intel by 99%)


    Dumbass(Lowers Intel by 99% )


    Summoned Hero? (***********************************)


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    "Well, an''t this some shit. Got all these fucking numbers and letters floating around in my head. Giving me a goddamn headache. Feels like I just woke up after fucking some dirty whore after drinking 8 bottles of vodka. " Joe sat down on a big rock and clutched his head.


    ''GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!''


    "Fuck I''m hungry." Joe once again ignored the information that was popping up into his head. Joe looked around himself to see if there was anything he could eat within eyes view. The only source of food he could see was the dead Ginger Toad that was laying behind him dead.


    "Arn''t these things suppose to taste like chicken?"  Joe ripped a leg off the dead Ginger Toad and sunk his teeth into it. He then proceeded to chew a few times and swallowed.


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    Ding!


    Joe is Paralyzed from Ginger Toad Meat! Duration 1 hour!


    Paralysis  Resistance Learned!


    Paralysis  Resistance LVL 1!


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    "Whaaa...." Joe tried to scream but was unable to. His whole body froze up like a board and he was stuck like that for one hour. During that time, he had soiled himself with his own urine.


    |One Hour Later|


    "What the fuck was that! My goddamn pants are wet now, fuck!" Joe screamed after the paralysis wore off.


    "Eeeeekkkk!!!"


    Joe turned around towards the river and spotted a  slim figure with huge tits bathing in the water. Joe, of course, wanted to get a closer look at these huge tits. So he spit in his hand, swiped it over his bald scalp, and wadded right into the water.


    "Don''t be scared baby. I''m sorry for yelling like that. Did I frighten you?" Joe tried his best to sweet talk the figure in the water.


    "I was just startled that''s all. Thank you for worrying about me." The figure said in an oh so sweet young sounding voice.


    "You''re welcome baby why don''t you come over here so we can get to know each other a little better." Joe said edging closer to the figure. From the back, it looked to be a young lady with a nice slim body with her tits protruding from the sides.


    "Sure I''d like that to, let''s get to know each other really well!" The once sweet young voice turned into a husky deep voice and the thing in the water vanished and reappeared in front of Joe.


    "HUH..?" With no time to react Joe was face to face with a hairy faced lady with a full-on beard. Her nose was so huge it took up half her face. She had boils all over her face as well. One eye looked to be 3 times the size of the other one. What happened after that only God knows. Joe woke up to find himself on the riverbed with his pants around his ankles and his dick covered in a sticky substance.


    "FUCK!!!"


    Joe''s journey still continues!