《The Secrets Of Finnley》


 Chapter 1 - Just a night out

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    - Friday, January 22nd, 2016 -


    ¡°Please Finnley,¡± I beg him while I close his book for the third time. ¡°Please go with me.¡±


    ¡°You know better than calling me that. And why?¡± Finnley looks at me, rather annoyed, pushing my hand of his book for the third time in a row. ¡°You always go without me.¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re my best friend,¡± I whine, exasperating a sigh. ¡°And you¡¯re sixteen. You¡¯re supposed to go out and party.¡±


    ¡°I have plans.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you will spend yet another night at home, studying for a test you studied for enough already.¡±


    ¡°Who says I don¡¯t have other friends?¡± He sits back and crosses his arms, sending me a cold glare. The thing with Finnley is, he is my best friend, and I¡¯ve never seen him with other people besides me and our best friend Emma, or a girl in his class named Julia. We always used to hang out during the weekends, or in the evening hours after school. But since about a year, Finnley refuses to hang out with me during the weekends. He¡¯s mostly studying at home while I go out; and he never gives in to come with me for once.


    ¡°But I¡¯m celebrating my birthday.¡±


    ¡°Your birthday is in two weeks.¡± Finnley rolls his eyes while grabbing the book again. ¡°You¡¯ll celebrate in two weeks, at home, throwing a party. And on Sunday, like always, we¡¯ll do something fun to celebrate together. You can tell me all about the party and tell me over and over again what I missed out on.¡±


    I sigh deeply. ¡°Why won¡¯t you go out?¡±


    ¡°You know mom and dad don¡¯t like the idea of me going out.¡±


    ¡°Stop being such a pussy.¡± Emma drops in a seat next to him, grinning widely. ¡°You¡¯re sixteen, you should ignore their rules every so often.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m perfectly fine with my life, thank you very much.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a nerd,¡± I deadpan with an annoyed look. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you really like to settle for a life consisting of studying and staying at home.¡±


    ¡°Why is it so important to you, all of the sudden?¡±


    ¡°He wants to hit on Julia.¡± Emma chuckles, staring at Finnley amused. ¡°He needs you to introduce him to her.¡±


    Finnley groans and slams his head onto the pile of books in front of him. ¡°Just give up, Cris. She¡¯s not into you.¡±


    ¡°How do you know? Have you talked to her about me?¡± I look at him curiously. Finnley refuses to introduce us to her, telling us Julia is really shy and doesn¡¯t like meeting new people.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t,¡± he mutters to his books. ¡°You really can¡¯t stop talking about her, can¡¯t you?¡± He looks at me, still leaning his head on his books. ¡°I really don¡¯t think she¡¯s your type anyway.¡±


    ¡°Why not!?¡± I exclaim, ¡°she¡¯s hot, she¡¯s cute, she¡¯s smart.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t even know her.¡± Finnley reminds me of the painful fact I¡¯ve never worked up the guts to at least get to know her by myself. But Julia is always around her group of friends and I hate being publicly humiliated. It¡¯s generally known most Gymnasium students think poorly about us ¡°regular¡± students. Most of them, but luckily Finnley never paid any attention to the school¡¯s regular orders of friendship. Instead of hiding on the second floor, which is preserved solely for students with AP classes, he always comes and sit with us. He only spends time in the library when he has to work together with other students, or when Emma and I aren¡¯t around to hang out with.


    But that¡¯s the thing. Finnley has a life outside of us, and so do we, and it¡¯s getting harder and harder to be best friends with him. But the thought of losing my close friendship with the blonde nerd in front of me, frightens me to dead.


    I¡¯ve known Finnley ever since kindergarten and we¡¯ve always been together. The fact we¡¯ll be separated once he gets into one of those fancy Ivy League colleges is a fact I don¡¯t like to think about. Only six months of school together with him, it makes me sad thinking about the nearing end of seeing him every day, teasing him, joking together with him, having those absurd serious conversations about things I hardly understands but he finds fascinating. I love to hear him elaborate about shit I never took interest in. The endless thinking about the universe for instance. He can debate about it for hours and I never find myself being bored.


    ¡°If you introduce me to her, I will know her.¡± I wiggle my eyebrows. ¡°Come on dude. Be my wingman for onenight. Just this once. I¡¯ll owe you big time.¡±


    He groans, covering his head with his arms. ¡°Do I have to?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s your duty as his best friend, really.¡± Emma giggles. ¡°And it¡¯ll be fun.¡± She messes up his hair a little. ¡°I¡¯ll be there and we can have a good laugh once he gets turned down by her.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re going too?¡± Finnley sits up to look at her properly. Like the gentleman he is, he always looks a girl straight in the eyes when they talk to him. He isn¡¯t the shy type of nerd. He¡¯s just not that into drinking ever since he found out what risks are involved if you drink too much. Or when you get caught drinking as a minor.


    ¡°I¡¯m going too.¡± She nods happily. ¡°Ifyou go, I¡¯ll stay with you.¡±


    ¡°Really? You¡¯d send your night with me, instead of with Jacob?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡± She blushes slightly. Emma has a boyfriend, Jacob, but I for a fact know she¡¯d rather be with Finnley. She¡¯s been in love with him for years. She just settled for a friendship since he never showed any interest in her in any way other than friends. She won¡¯t mind spending a night out with Finnley. She might even try to seduce him ifhe drinks alcohol and ends up a little tipsy.


    ¡°Fine.¡± He lolls his head backwards and lets out an exaggerating sigh. ¡°I¡¯ll go, for once, to be your wingman.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re the best!¡± I grin widely and hug him shortly, letting go the second I know he gets uncomfortable when being hugged. Finnley doesn¡¯t like to be touched too much. Not even by his parents.This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s why you¡¯re friends with me, right?¡± A sly smile appears on his face. ¡°Because I¡¯m awesome.¡±


    ¡°Right Finn.¡± I chuckle. ¡°An awesome and one of a kind best friend.¡±


    * * * * *


    ¡°This is gross.¡± Finnley complains after his first sip of beer, making me laugh. Emma convinced him into drinking at least a little to let go of himself. I don¡¯t even know how Finnley managed to convince his parents to let him go out, but he did. They told us they¡¯d pick us up if needed and to let them know if he was going to stay at my place for the night.


    ¡°I¡¯m not drinking this.¡± He hands me the beer and turns around to face Emma. ¡°Any other great advice?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡± ¨C she sighs ¨C ¡°What about wine?¡± She offers her glass to him. He looks at it suspiciously, before taking a sip, again shaking his head.


    ¡°Way too sweet for me.¡±


    ¡°Just stick with beer.¡± I push the glass back in his hands. ¡°You don¡¯t want to be caught drinking wine dude, trust me on this.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t I just drink a soda?¡± He still looks disgusted at the beer, almost insulting it with the look he¡¯s giving it.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be a baby.¡± I chuckle. ¡°You¡¯re not going to die because of beer.¡±


    ¡°But it¡¯s gross¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll get used to it after a couple of glasses.¡±


    ¡°Whatever.¡± He rolls his eyes. ¡°I already regret coming tonight.¡±


    ¡°Well, beats studying at home, believe me.¡±


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t planning on studying.¡± He tells me calmly, taking a slug of beer, making a face at the bitter taste. ¡°I told you before.¡±


    ¡°So, what were your plans anyway?¡± I ask curiously. He told me a dozen times already he had to cancel his plans for this, and it better be worth it. ¡°Got yourself a girlfriend?¡±


    It¡¯s dark inside, and it¡¯s hot so we¡¯re all a bit heated, but I swear Finnley blushes slightly at my remark, making both Emma and I pull up an eyebrow. I guess she noticed too. ¡°Really, Finn!?¡± I call out. ¡°Why haven¡¯t you told me?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a girlfriend.¡± He snaps at me, turning away. I know Finnley well enough to know something I said, didn¡¯t sit well with him.


    ¡°But you are dating a girl?¡± I ask carefully. ¡°It¡¯s fine dude. I¡¯d be excited if you¡¯re in love.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not dating a girl.¡± He deadpans. ¡°Just let it go, okay?¡±


    I nod and look towards Emma, who sends me a confused look. I guess he hasn¡¯t told her anything about his cancelled plans either. ¡°Right, okay.¡± I put my arm around his shoulder and pull him back into our little circle. ¡°Forget about me asking. It doesn¡¯t matter because you¡¯ll always be my best friend, right?¡±


    He looks at me, like he doesn¡¯t believe that statement, confusing me even further. What¡¯s gotten on his nerves today? I wonder if he¡¯s stressed about us being in separate schools next year too. Is he afraid I¡¯m gonna drop him like a brick after making new friends? It¡¯s not like I haven¡¯t got other friends right now, and he knows I have.


    ¡°Finnley Christopher Lund.¡± I deadpan. ¡°Don¡¯t you ever worry about us growing apart. Because if you even dare to step out of my life for the slightest inch, I¡¯ll drag you back by that sexy hair of yours and lock you in my room.¡±


    He shakes my arm off his shoulders while a smile creeps on his face, although he¡¯s trying to hide it. But after a couple of seconds of intense staring, he nods and smiles. ¡°I¡¯d do the same to you.¡±


    ¡°I bet you would.¡± I wink, before my eyes find the whole reason for Finnley¡¯s presence in a club.


    He follows my gaze and finds Julia and two of her friends walking in our direction.


    ¡°O my god.¡± One of her friends ¨C the one with short brown hair ¨C calls out, running in Finnley¡¯s direction the second she notices him. ¡°Am I dreaming?¡± She squeals, hugging him for exactly three seconds before letting him go, using the maximum time Finnley is okay with being touched.


    ¡°You¡¯re not dreaming.¡± Finnley chuckles. ¡°Cris and Emma dragged me along.¡± He nods towards us and I grin happily. Julia is eying us suspiciously, keeping her sweet distance.


    ¡°I¡¯m Willow.¡± She offers us a hand, which we shake. We introduce ourselves to her and the other friend. She¡¯s the shortest, has long brown hair in a messy braid and is called Lily.


    ¡°And this is Julia.¡± Finnley pulls her closer, much to her disliking.


    ¡°Finn¡­¡± She complains, seemingly a little panicking.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay, they¡¯re my friends.¡± Finnley tells her, point towards us. ¡°Cristian is my best friend, I¡¯ve told a lot about him.¡±


    ¡°Oh, right.¡± She nods and I look at Finnley with disbelieve. He told me he never spoke about me, and now he¡¯s telling me he told a lotabout me? I hear Emma chuckle and nudge her before looking back at Julia, who¡¯s blushing and looking at my hand, which I offered for her to shake.


    ¡°I¡¯m Cristian.¡± I tell her, dropping the hand to my side once I realize she isn¡¯t planning on shaking it. ¡°It¡¯s really nice to meet Finn¡¯s other friends.¡± I look at Finnley, who seems insecure about all of this.


    ¡°It¡¯s so nice to meet you two!¡± Lily happily chirps. ¡°Finn is always talking about you guys.¡±


    ¡°I hope positive things?¡± I smile at her, and she smiles back, nodding. ¡°We tried to get Finn to tag along for a while now,¡± ¨C she looks at Julia shortly before looking back at me. ¨C ¡°but he never gave in.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t tell me you were coming tonight.¡± Julia tells Finnley, turning away from us a little. ¡°You could have warned me.¡±


    ¡°I haven¡¯t talked to you since they made me promise to tag along.¡± Finnley looks at me and rolls his eyes before whispering in her ear.


    It makes me jealous to look at the two of them, so close. Her hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt constantly touching him in her movements, he lets her touch him like that without any protest. Why is he letting her come that close and not me? He has known me for years.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± She asks him, looking up, making him nod. She takes in a deep breath, before she turns in my direction. ¡°I¡¯m Julia.¡± She tells me, looking down and offering me a shaky hand.


    I feel a smile appearing on my face, sending Finnley a thankful look without knowing what he told her that made her change her mind about shaking my hand. ¡°Nice to meet you.¡± I tell her in all honesty while shaking her hand.


    Soon, Emma is chatting away with Lily and Willow, Finnley hanging at her side looking bored, while I talk to Julia, who loosens up more and more every second.


    ¡°You know¡­¡± I take in a deep breath. ¡°I¡¯ve been trying the get Finnley to introduce is for weeks already.¡± I admit to her, making her look up and frown. I bought her a couple of drinks and got to know her a little and this still feels right. She still seems perfect. She has one older sister, wants to become a doctor and loves playing soccer. It surprised me a little to find out she is actually part of the girls¡¯ soccer team in our school. I should definitely start cheering for them.


    ¡°You did?¡± She sounds surprised. ¡°Why didn¡¯t he? Why did you want to?¡± Her questions follow up each other quickly, making me grin. ¡°I did, he told me you weren¡¯t my type and because I think you definitely are my type.¡±


    She blushes feverishly, looking down to her hands, holding an empty glass. ¡°You think I¡¯m your type?¡±


    ¡°Yes. I like you.¡± I chuckle. ¡°Sorry if I¡¯m being to direct this soon, but I just had to tell you.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± She looks up at me, locking eyes for the very first time. ¡°I think about you the same.¡±


    ¡°You do?¡± My eyebrows shoot upwards, reaching sky high. ¡°Really?¡± I look back to find Finnley, but they¡¯re not there anymore. ¡°Did Finnley know?¡±


    ¡°He hates to be called Finnley, you know.¡± She giggles. ¡°I figured you knew, you know, since you¡¯re his best friend.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± I grin. ¡°I like to tease him with it.¡±


    ¡°Me too!¡± She laughs softly, making me smile widely. ¡°He hates it when I do that. Always turns him a bit moody.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± I laugh along with her. ¡°It¡¯s easy to tease him sometimes, but honestly, I love the guy to death.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s great.¡± She nods. ¡°But he didn¡¯t know I was interested in you.¡±


    ¡°Well, I know now.¡± I smile, grabbing her hand carefully, trying to not scare her by going too fast. ¡°And I¡¯d like to get to know you better, if that¡¯s okay with you.¡±


    She nods and smiles. ¡°I¡¯d like that.¡±


    ¡°Great, so, you¡¯d go on a date with me? Like, Sunday?¡±


    ¡°Eh, I was supposed to study with Finn¡­¡± She mutters. ¡°But maybe I can reschedule¡­¡±


    ¡°No, no.¡± I hold up my free hand and chuckle. ¡°Finn would kill me if he found out I disturb his studying, again.¡±


    ¡°You do that more often?¡±


    I chuckle. ¡°I think I did tonight.¡±


    ¡°He told me he wasn¡¯t going to study.¡± She shrugs. ¡°I asked him if he wanted to come tonight, he told me he had plans¡­¡±


    ¡°Do you know what plans?¡±


    She shakes her head. ¡°No idea.¡± She mutters. ¡°He¡¯s very vague about what he¡¯s doing during weekends when he¡¯s not studying or hanging out with you or Emma.¡±


    ¡°I know he¡¯s vague.¡± I admit. ¡°But if something is wrong, he¡¯d tell me, right?¡±


    ¡°Definitely.¡± She grins. ¡°I honestly believe he¡¯s seeing someone. But he refuses to admit.¡±


    ¡°God, we¡¯re so much alike.¡± I chuckle. ¡°I think so too. I just don¡¯t know why he¡¯s making a big secret about it.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯ll tell you when he¡¯s ready.¡± She tries to comfort me with a careful smile, but we both know it¡¯s not like Finnley to keep secrets.

 Chapter 2 - One big blur

    - Saturday, January 23rd, 2016 -


    ¡°Cristian.¡± My mom gets up the second an officer showed me the way to the waiting room, releasing me from the small cell I¡¯ve spend the night in. ¡°Drinking? And fighting!?¡± She grabs hold of my shoulder, dragging me outside and towards the car. ¡°For crying out loud, you¡¯re seventeen!¡± She snaps. ¡°We taught you better, didn¡¯t we?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­¡± I mutter, winching at the bright sunlight outside. The hangover caused a throbbing headache.


    ¡°Is this what you do every week? Telling us you¡¯re with Finnley? Is he a bad influence? I thought he was a perfectly fine young man!¡±


    ¡°Mom!¡± I groan. ¡°He is a great friend. Normally he doesn¡¯t come with us.¡±


    ¡°So, you do this every week?¡±


    I shrug. ¡°Dad told me it was okay¡­¡±


    ¡°Your dad said it was okay!?¡±


    Maybe I shouldn¡¯t have told her dad allows me to go out and drink. I can¡¯t wait until we get home and this blows up way out of proportion.


    She lectures me all the way back home, telling me I¡¯ll get community service and all. How this could ruin my chances of a good job and everything. I¡¯m not even going to tell her that as a minor, it won¡¯t be on my record as long as I don¡¯t end up in jail for more than three times. It¡¯s just how things work with minors and minor misdemeanours in this country. It¡¯s not really the alcohol that got me in jail, it¡¯s the fighting with some guy who was trying to hit on Julia.


    I hope she¡¯s fine. We lost her friends and mine during the evening and I wonder if she managed to find them after they arrested me and the other guy.


    I just nod and agree on how stupid I¡¯ve been, trying to not piss my mom of any further. I follow her inside, were my dad is seated on the couch, watching morning news. He looks up the second my mom slams the front door shut, making me jump in my spot.


    ¡°You allowed him to drink!?¡± mom shouts at him. ¡°You allowed him to go out!? He¡¯s seventeen!¡±


    ¡°And we were younger when we went out.¡± My dad shrugs. ¡°If we forbid him, he¡¯ll do it behind our backs.¡±


    I zone out of the conversation, even though they¡¯re full on shouting by now. I turn on my phone and notice I¡¯ve missed a few calls from Finnley¡¯s home.


    I redial the number and walk into the kitchen to block out most of the shouting.


    ¡°James Lund.¡± A tired man answers the phone.


    ¡°It¡¯s Cris, I missed a couple of calls from Finnley I think.¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± He sounds surprised. ¡°No, I believe Eva tried to call you a couple of times. We¡¯re wondering if Finnley is still with you, since he hasn¡¯t informed us on staying out.¡±


    ¡°He isn¡¯t with me sir.¡± I answer, a little confused. ¡°He was supposed to sleep at home.¡± Is there a possibility Finnley got arrested too? But then his parents would have received a call like mine.


    ¡°Oh, right.¡± James¡¯ voice falters a little, before he regains his strength again. ¡°Well, do you know where he could have spent the night? Any other friends? You know how worried Eva gets¡­¡±


    ¡°Did you call Emma? She was with him all night I think.¡±


    ¡°Emma told us he was probably with you.¡± He sighs deeply. ¡°I¡¯ll just try to call his phone again. Thanks for calling back. If you hear from him, tell him to contact us.¡±


    ¡°I will, sir.¡± I agree, feeling dumbfound at the information I just got. I hang up and immediately call Emma, who picks up after calling three times.


    ¡°Hey Romeo.¡± Emma chuckles. ¡°I heard you¡¯re planning a date with Julia?¡±


    ¡°Where did Finn go?¡± I ignore her question. ¡°You told me you would stay with him all night.¡±


    ¡°I thought he was with you.¡± She sounds just as confused as I feel. ¡°I haven¡¯t seen him after I lost him in the club. I figured he went looking for you and Julia because he wanted to go home.¡±


    ¡°Emma, Finn didn¡¯t come home.¡± I deadpan. ¡°Please tell me you have an idea of where he went.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± Emma¡¯s voice cracks. ¡°I don¡¯t. Maybe he¡¯s with Lily or Willow?¡±


    ¡°Why would he go¡­¡± Why wouldn¡¯t he? What if one of them is the girl I believe he¡¯s dating with? ¡°Do you have a number?¡±


    ¡°No, but I figure you have Julia¡¯s number.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± Maybe he¡¯s with Julia. He went looking for us after all. Maybe it was after I got arrested and he went home to comfort her? ¡°I¡¯ll call her.¡±


    ¡°Let me know when you find him. And tell him not to freak out any of us like this.¡±


    I chuckle. ¡°I will.¡±


    ¡°Cristian!?¡± My mom shouts. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare to walk out on us. This is about your behavior¡­¡± She enters the kitchen and snatches the phone away. ¡°No phone young man. You lost that privilege.¡±


    ¡°Mom!¡± I try to grab the phone back. ¡°I haveto call someone.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± She grabs my ear and drags me to the living room, just like she used to do when I was little. I hate it when she does this.


    ¡°Maria, for the love of god.¡± My dad groans. ¡°He¡¯s seventeen.¡±This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡°Mom!¡± I pull away from her hold. ¡°Finnley didn¡¯t come home.¡±


    ¡°Did you get him arrested too!?¡± She snaps. Mom lovesFinnley so she hates it when I get him into trouble; which I never do because he won¡¯t let me do stupid things when he is around.


    ¡°No, mom.¡± I feel a little panicking. It isn¡¯t like Finnley to stay away from home without notifying anyone. ¡°I¡¯m serious. His parents don¡¯t know where he is. I needto make a phone call. I need to find Finn.¡±


    ¡°Let him call.¡± My dad snatches the phone away from her and hands it back to me. ¡°And stop blowing everything up. He¡¯s a kid, he¡¯s meant to make mistakes in his life, to learn.¡±


    ¡°Thanks, dad.¡± I send him a thankful glare, before looking up Julia¡¯s number to call her. My mom crosses her arms and looks at me, awaiting the call to continue her lecture.


    ¡°Cris?¡± Julia sounds a little sleepy. ¡°You¡¯re out? How are you!? Are you in pain?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I sigh. ¡°Julia, is Finn with you? Or with any of your friends?¡±


    ¡°No, I haven¡¯t seen Finn after we went dancing. When you got arrested, Lily and Willow took me home.¡±


    ¡°So, he¡¯s not with any of you?¡± A weird, tingly feeling messes up my stomach, making me nauseas a little.


    ¡°Is something wrong?¡±


    ¡°He didn¡¯t come home, he isn¡¯t with any of his friends¡­¡± I swallow back the forming lump in my throat. My dad sits up straight, looking at me with a frown. My mom lowers her arms and looks worried by now, probably since my voice gives away the panic rising inside me.


    ¡°I have to go, I¡¯ll call you later.¡± I mutter, voice thick and cracking. I hang up and look at my dad for help. ¡°Finn is missing.¡±


    - Monday, January 25th, 2016 -


    It¡¯s Monday and I haven¡¯t really slept in two days. Finnley never got home and nobody knows where he is right now. I¡¯m a total wreck and I feel guilty as shit for dragging him out of his comfort zone and get him in trouble like this. Emma feels guilty for losing track of him. We¡¯re both miserable and I¡¯m not the only one who had sleepless nights. Emma¡¯s hair is pulled up in a messy bun and she¡¯s wearing an oversized sweater, functioning as a dress, along with some tights and shoes she didn¡¯t even tied.


    ¡°Please tell me you¡¯ve heard something.¡± She mutters the second she slumps down in her seat. ¡°Although his absence right now¡­¡± She swallows hard. A tear escapes her eye and I wipe it away with mu thumb.


    ¡°Don¡¯t cry.¡± I tell her. ¡°I can¡¯t handle it right now.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t handle it either. What could have happened? Are the police looking for him?¡±


    I nod and take in a deep breath. ¡°They¡¯re looking for him, sending out an amber alert today, you know¡­¡± I tell her without much emotion. ¡°They haven¡¯t got a clue of where he went. But I believe they¡¯re going to check security cameras and all.¡±


    ¡°You think he¡¯s¡­¡± She cuts her sentence short while I notice someone taking a seat on my other side. Just for a brief second, I believe it¡¯s Finnley, just casually taking a seat like nothing happened. Who else would join us right now? But then I notice it¡¯s Julia, along with Lily.


    ¡°Please tell me it isn¡¯t true.¡± She looks stressed, eyes bloodshot. She holds up her phone and shows the amber alert I just talked about. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me he¡¯s actually missing.¡±


    I¡¯m surrounded by three girls, Lily seemingly calm, but the other two both with tear filled eyes.


    Emma pulls my sleeve. ¡°What if this was what his plans were? He was acting weird lately¡­¡± She whispers with shaky voice, tears rolling down her cheeks. ¡°What if he planned on running away?¡±


    I don¡¯t know how to respond to her. Because I have no idea if it¡¯s a possibility he wanted to disappear.


    ¡°No.¡± Julia takes in a deep breath. ¡°He wasn¡¯t planning on running. Not that I know¡­¡± She looks at Lily, before looking at Emma, avoiding my eyes in the process. ¡°Finn didn¡¯t know how to tell you guys¡­¡± She trails. ¡°He was dating someone. He was supposed to go on a date Friday and he cancelled to go out with you.¡±


    ¡°Who is she? Can¡¯t we call her? Maybe she knows where he is? Why didn¡¯t you tell me sooner! I¡¯m worried sick!¡± I grab hold of both her shoulders, shaking her lightly.


    ¡°Cris!¡± She looks at me with big ayes full of fear. ¡°He wasn¡¯t dating a girl. Finn was dating a boy. He had a boyfriend since a couple of months.¡±


    I look at her, shocked and unable to respond in any properly accepted way. Finn had a¡­ boyfriend? He was gay? He kept this a secret?


    ¡°Who is he?¡± Emma calmly asks her, snapping me out of my stupor a little. ¡°Girl or boy, it doesn¡¯t matter. Finn could still be with him.¡±


    ¡°He isn¡¯t.¡± Julia shakes her head and looks down. ¡°I called him right after Cris told me he didn¡¯t come home. We kept contact over the weekend but he doesn¡¯t know where Finn is.¡±


    ¡°Who is he?¡± I ask unsurely of what else to ask. ¡°Why didn¡¯t Finn tell us?¡±


    ¡°He was afraid you¡¯d hate him for it. He never told anyone.¡±


    ¡°But you knew.¡± I deadpan. I hate the fact Finnley kept this a secret. So what if he¡¯s gay? As long as Finnley is happy, I¡¯m happy. Is this why he was shutting me out more and more? Why he didn¡¯t want to meet during the weekend?


    ¡°I found out because his boyfriend is friends with my sister.¡± She mutters. ¡°I saw them together once¡­¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not important anyway.¡± I mutter. ¡°He doesn¡¯t know where Finn is.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± She takes a shaky breath and looks up the second the bell rings. ¡°Keep me updated, okay?¡± She squeezes my hand softly before following Lily out of the lunch room.


    * * * * *


    ¡°Cristian, Kody, Maria. Thanks for stopping by.¡± James looks at me. His eyes are red, his hair is a mess and he seems like he hasn¡¯t shaved since Saturday. He opens the door further, to let me in the house. I follow him towards the kitchen, where Eva is seated at the table. She¡¯s holding a cup of coffee, but by the lack of steam coming from it, I figure it might be cold already. She seems lost in thoughts, staring at a wall with dreamy eyes. She¡¯s wearing one of Finnley¡¯s sweaters while her hair seems unwashed and is messy and uncombed. This disappearance is taking its toll on them. It¡¯s hard to look at Finnley¡¯s parents like this, being unable to do anything to help them get their son back.


    My mom grabs the coffee from her hold and starts prancing around the kitchen, making new coffee, offering to make them some food. There¡¯s a pile of pizza boxes and other home ordered foods piled up on the counter. Dishes are placed in the sink.


    ¡°Cris, could you do the dishes?¡± She gestures towards the sink and I nod in response.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to¡­¡± James starts, but my mom gives him a warm, sympathetic smile and he just nods and mutters thanks. My dad takes a seat with them and they start discussing the results from the search the police organized.


    ¡°He walked outside, holding his phone and calling. His phone records showed he called home, but we didn¡¯t hear the phone.¡± James tells my dad, to which Eva starts crying again, spilling the coffee from the mug because of the sobs and the shaking. ¡°We can¡¯t help but wonder if he would be here with us if we would have picked up¡­¡± James explains. I notice my mom¡¯s teary eyes. Guilt is flushing over me yet again. They wonder if this would have happened if they would have answered the phone, while I feel guilty for dragging him in there in the first place.


    ¡°You can¡¯t help it.¡± My dad tells him calmly. ¡°Did he call anyone else after that?¡±


    ¡°Me.¡± I mutter, knowing Finnley called me according to my phone and his phone records show I was the last he tried to reach. But I was already arrested by then.


    ¡°But no one else?¡± My dad looks shortly in my direction. ¡°They must have some idea of where he went.¡±


    James shakes and nods all at once. ¡°They found out he¡¯s been calling and texting with a boy, Nathan, a lot over the past couple of months.¡±


    Nathan.His boyfriend.


    ¡°But he isn¡¯t with him either.¡± Eva voices. ¡°James, just tell them the truth!¡± She sounds desperate, sad, defeated. ¡°I can¡¯t take it anymore.¡±


    ¡°What truth?¡± My stomach is jumping, turning and twisting, thinking something is seriously wrong and they¡¯re keeping something behind. Do they know more about his whereabouts?


    ¡°Finnley was severely depressed.¡± James whispers. ¡°He was taking antidepressants, he was seeing a psychologist. They¡¯re still looking for him, but they told us to be prepared for the worst¡­¡± His voice falters in the end and when he is silent, I notice he started crying. I¡¯ve never seen him cry. I¡¯ve only seen my father cry once, when my grandfather died years ago.


    I shake my head, dropping the plate from my hold. It breaks when it hits the floor, pieces scattering all over the floor. My mom yelps in surprise. ¡°The worst¡­?¡± I repeat his words. ¡°Like¡­¡± I feel a tear escape my eye, wiping it away with a little force. Like I¡¯m trying to tell myself to keep it together.


    Finnley was depressed?


    What else did he keep from me? Did I even know Finnley that well? Yesterday I found out he had a boyfriend, today they¡¯re telling me he kept a depression hidden from me?

 Chapter 3 - I should have known

    - Wednesday, September 24th, 2014 -


    ¨C Sixteen months ago ¨C


    ¡°Are we going to sit inside, or outside?¡± Emma skips towards her locker, that is right next to mine. It¡¯s really how I got to know her. We always ran into each other in front of our lockers.


    ¡°Let¡¯s wait for Finn and then decide.¡± I look back into the hallway, waiting for him to join us for lunch. ¡°If we change places he might not find us.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± She grins widely. ¡°I¡¯ll wait for Finn.¡±


    ¡°I bet you will.¡± I chuckle. ¡°When are you going to tell him?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± She mumbles. ¡°I don¡¯t think he is interested in me that way.¡±


    ¡°Only one way to find out.¡±


    ¡°Not today.¡± She shakes her head. ¡°He¡¯s a bit stressed about grades. You know how he gets about grades.¡±


    I chuckle and nod. ¡°And he probably aced all of the tests.¡±


    ¡°But I¡¯ll wait until he¡¯s a little less stressed. Maybe we can convince him to go out with us.¡± She wiggles her eyebrows.


    ¡°You know Finn doesn¡¯t drink or goes out for that matter.¡± I wink at her. ¡°You¡¯ll have to tell him when he¡¯s sober.¡±


    ¡°Ugh.¡± She groans. ¡°It¡¯s way easier to tell someone you like them while being a little drunk and not aware of how embarrassing things could be if someone turns you down.¡±


    ¡°Cheers to that.¡±


    ¡°Where is he?¡± She whines, looking at her watch. ¡°He¡¯s late, again.¡±


    ¡°We can go and pick him up?¡± I suggest, closing my locker and grabbing my bag. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± I start walking and Emma jumps in action, switching books, which she could have done while waiting for Finnley. She grabs her back, slams her locker shut and runs after me. By the time I¡¯m rounding the corner to head for the stairs, she catches up.


    ¡°You could have waited.¡± She complains, taking in a couple of deep breaths to steady her breathing. ¡°You know I hate running.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± I laugh and nudge her softly. ¡°But you¡¯d run for Finnley, wouldn¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d run to the end of the world and back.¡± She giggles. ¡°And I regret ever telling you about my feelings. Will you shut up about it already?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m gonna tease you until you finally tell him how you feel.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a really bad way of motivating me.¡± Emma dramatically pretends to climb a mountain instead of just some stairs. ¡°You could ask him if he¡¯s into someone. You know, hear him out for me.¡±


    ¡°I could.¡± I nod, grinning at her when we finally reach second floor. We start looking for Finnley, who isn¡¯t in the classroom he last had a class in, or in the smaller lunchroom on this floor. I take Emma with me to the library. She¡¯s never been up here before since Finnley normally meets us downstairs. The last time I was up here, was when Finnley promised to sit with me for lunch in first year, but totally forgot about lunch because he was working on some project.


    We make our way through the hallway, catching the eye of multiple students who probably wonder what the hell we¡¯re doing here.


    Finnley is in the library, seated with a girl, bend over a book. He¡¯s talking and she¡¯s listening. I stand still for a couple of seconds, taking in Finnley while he¡¯s in his element; in the library, I guess tutoring the girl next to him.


    He¡¯s a nerd, but at least he¡¯s my nerd. And he¡¯s good at tutoring.


    The girl chuckles and nods before Finnley looks up and notices us in the door opening. His eyes widen and snap towards the clock and back.


    ¡°Oh, shit.¡± He jumps up. ¡°I forgot about the time.¡± He starts scrambling the books together and I chuckle, before looking at the girl, who looked at us for three seconds, before looking down. She¡¯s definitely cute. Her dark blond hair in a ponytail that reaches halfway down her back. Her skin seems flawless and her eyes are a light shade of brown. I keep staring at her, until she looks back u, notices it and starts blushing. Whispering something to Finnley, before she starts collecting her stuff without looking up again. She¡¯s shorter than Finnley, so definitely shorter than me.This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Finnley is frowning at me, shrugs, and drops the books in his bag.


    ¡°Ready?¡± Emma cheerfully chirps, skipping in his direction.


    ¡°Ready.¡± He nods, following us outside. ¡°Bye Julia.¡± He waves at the girl, but she doesn¡¯t look up again.


    ¡°Who was she?¡± Emma sounds¡­ jealous. ¡°Tutoring her?¡±


    ¡°We have math together, did some homework.¡± Finnley shrugs.


    ¡°She¡¯s cute.¡± I grin. ¡°I figured most girls would be really geeky around here.¡±


    Finnley hits my arm with a fist, sending me an annoyed glare. ¡°Don¡¯t call her geeky, she¡¯s really cool.¡±


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s what I wanted to say, she seemed cool.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± He eyes me suspiciously. We remain in silence while heading outside, sitting down in the grass to enjoy the sun while it¡¯s still hot enough. Fall is kicking in soon and the temperature is already dropping like a brick during the nights.


    ¡°So, is she your girlfriend or what? You¡¯ve never hit me over a girl before.¡± I tease Finnley, who sends me a cold glare, not giving me an answer. He just takes a bite and looks towards the sky. His face lights up a little, obviously enjoying being outside in the sun. ¡°Silence means consent.¡±


    ¡°No, it means you should stop asking stupid questions.¡± He deadpans, making Emma chuckle nervously. She wants to hear his answer just as much as I do, for the same reason. She hopes Finnley is still available, while I am interested in finding out if Julia still is.


    ¡°Why would you call it a stupid question?¡± I act hurt. ¡°Our teachers say stupid questions don¡¯t exist.¡±


    ¡°They do. They just tell you to make you people feel better about asking the stupid questions.¡±


    I hit him in his arm when he starts laughing. ¡°Don¡¯t laugh at us. You¡¯re not that much better just because you¡¯re smart.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so much better.¡± He¡¯s still laughing a little. ¡°Why do you ask if she¡¯s my girlfriend? You never took interest in my love life.¡± His eyes behold something like¡­ hope?I don¡¯t know what it is, but there¡¯s something with the way he¡¯s looking at me right now.


    ¡°Maybe because I¡¯d like to know if she¡¯s available?¡± I wiggle my eyebrows and grin, but stop instantly as soon as his look turns cold again.


    ¡°Not happening.¡± He snaps, throwing away the rest of his sandwich.


    ¡°Why not? Is she taken?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I tutor her for math.¡± He still sounds a bit snappy and Emma frowns at his harsh tone. ¡°I didn¡¯t ask if she was available for player Cristian to date her.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not a player.¡±


    ¡°You are.¡±


    ¡°Am not!¡± I watch him in confusion. Since when does he think I¡¯m a player?


    ¡°You¡¯ve had a new girlfriend nearly each month over the past year.¡± He tears some grass from the ground, a little angry. ¡°Leave Julia alone.¡±


    ¡°I did not have a girlfriend nearly every month.¡±


    ¡°You did.¡± Emma tells me matter-of-factly. ¡°And maybe Finn is into her and wants you to back off for once?¡±


    I send her an annoyed look because she somehow always manages to turn a conversation into her advantage, getting the info shewants.


    ¡°I¡¯m not into her.¡± Finnley snaps and jumps up. ¡°Just leave her alone, okay?¡± He storms off, leaving us behind a little startled.


    * * * * *


    Finnley is fine by the time I meet up with him after school. He¡¯s dragging a bag full of books with him towards the school bus.


    ¡°Need help with that Einstein?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t call me that.¡± He mutters. ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°I can help.¡± I already make a move to take the bag from him, but he shakes his head.


    ¡°I said I¡¯m fine. I¡¯m used to this.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± I chuckle. ¡°But it seems heavy. Do you really need that much books for just today?¡±


    ¡°I fell a little behind.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I let out a laugh. ¡°School started only a month ago and you study nearly every night.¡±


    ¡°Except the weekends because some annoying friend refuses to spend his weekend studying and drags me to his soccer matches.¡±


    I grin and shrug. ¡°Live a little Finnley.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t call me that.¡± He snaps. ¡°I hate that name.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m teasing you.¡± I keep myself from laughing out loud again, grabbing his bag before he¡¯s able to protest again. I feel really sorry for the scrawny type of nerds who have to drag the same number of books all day every day. Luckily, Finnley isn¡¯t scrawny and carrying this amount every day is nearly like a work out for him.


    ¡°You are coming this Saturday, right?¡± I watch him get on the bus, following suit.


    ¡°Do I have to?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re my lucky charm.¡± I chuckle. ¡°Without you we¡¯ll lose.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a lie. There¡¯s no such thing as lucky charms.¡± He mutters, sitting down in our regular spot. ¡°It¡¯s just something to feel better for the weak-minded¡­¡±


    ¡°Stop it Finn.¡± I grin. ¡°We¡¯re not all blessed with the ability of thinking logical about literally everything.¡±


    ¡°But it¡¯ just like praying.¡± Finnley tells me wisely. ¡°It¡¯s putting fate in something that isn¡¯t even there.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t let my parents here you talk about God, claiming he doesn¡¯t exist.¡±


    ¡°Itdoesn¡¯t exist.¡± He chuckles. ¡°Religion is just a way of controlling the bigger crowds. I told you before.¡±


    ¡°I know, I know.¡± I sigh, and a smile appears on my face. ¡°I love it when you do this, you know?¡±


    ¡°Do what?¡±


    ¡°Crush all hopes for people who just like the believe we¡¯re part of something bigger than the eye meets.¡±


    ¡°We are part of something bigger.¡± Finnley deadpans. ¡°Haven¡¯t you listened to me yesterday?¡±


    ¡°I have.¡± I nod. ¡°But it¡¯s a different kind of something bigger.¡±


    ¡°A more realistic approach though.¡±


    ¡°For you it¡¯s realistic and logical. For us simple-minded people it¡¯s harder to understand the way the universe works.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s hard about it?¡± He seems lost at my statement. Finnley never understood some people just aren¡¯t capable of thinking the same way.


    ¡°You expect less intelligent people to understand we¡¯re part of something infinite. Because honestly, where does the universe end?¡±


    ¡°So, instead of coming up with an explanation, they believe in something that made up?¡±


    ¡°Right, sometimes imagination is easier to understand, you know.¡±


    ¡°Wise words Cris.¡± Finnley chuckles. ¡°Didn¡¯t expect them from you.¡±


    ¡°I keep surprising you.¡±


    ¡°Every day.¡± He agrees. ¡°So, I¡¯ll see you tomorrow?¡±


    ¡°Not planning on hanging out tonight?¡± We both get off the bus in front of his house. I always walk the two blocks home from here.


    ¡°Nah, I really am behind on schoolwork.¡±


    ¡°Well, okay. I¡¯ll see you tomorrow Finn.¡± We share a brotherly hug, three seconds, before he pulls away and goes inside.


    I take a couple of seconds to watch at the closed door he disappeared through, think of how exhausted Finnley seems to be.

 Chapter 4 - meeting the boyfriend

    ¨C 5 days after the disappearance ¨C


    ¡®It doesn¡¯t make any sense.¡¯ Emma mutters. We¡¯re seated in the lunch room, while we should be in class right now. But I couldn¡¯t leave Emma like this. She¡¯s been crying nearly every day and when I told her Finn was depressed, she started all over again; blaming herself for not knowing.


    It¡¯s hard to find energy to do anything right now. On top of all the stress I experience, wondering about Finn, worrying about what happened, I will start community service today, right after school.


    ¡®How could he hide all of this for us?¡¯ She whines, wiping the tears off her face. It¡¯s not helping, since they keep rolling down. ¡®Did he even consider us to be his friends?¡¯


    It¡¯s a thought that keeps running through my mind. Did Finnley still consider us friends when he was able to keep big secrets from me? As it turns out, he started antidepressants about a year ago and his parents thought he told me. I was clueless but I do realize Finnley changed a lot in the last year. There had been a time I was worried, but I guess the medication helped him in some way, because after a short while of worrying over Finnley, he changed back to his cheerful self.


    ¡®I really don¡¯t know.¡¯ I admit. ¡®Right now, it feels like he was a complete stranger to be honest.¡¯


    ¡®But the police are still looking for him, right?¡¯


    ¡®They¡¯ll consider him missing until they find a b¡­¡¯ I swallow back the word I wanted to use. ¡®Until they find him.¡¯


    ¡®A body.¡¯ She snaps. ¡®You wanted to say body.¡¯ She cries out and covers her face with her already soaked sleeves. ¡®He can¡¯t be dead, okay? He wouldn¡¯t kill himself.¡¯ She cries out loud.


    ¡®I thought he wouldn¡¯t keep secrets from me as well.¡¯ I sigh. ¡®But I found out he kept two big things hidden from me.¡¯


    ¡®Stop it.¡¯ Her voice is in full agony right now. ¡®Stop saying those things! He¡¯s your best friend!¡¯ She starts slapping my chest and I have to grab her wrists to stop her from hitting me again and again. ¡®We have to find him, okay?¡¯


    ¡®I want to, I just don¡¯t know where to start.¡¯ I feel hopeless right now. I don¡¯t even know where to look for my best friend.


    ¡®Let¡¯s go and talk to his boyfriend. Maybe he knows something that can help us.¡¯ Emma whispers. ¡®Maybe Finn was honest with him.¡¯


    ¡®I feel so guilty Emma.¡¯ I look at her. ¡®I feel like I should have known he wasn¡¯t happy. I feel like I should have known he needed help.¡¯


    ¡®But he didn¡¯t tell us, so how were we supposed to know?¡¯ She leans against me and I put my arms around her, taking a deep breath along with her.


    ¡®Because I should have seen the difference with the old Finn. You have to admit he was different from when you met him.¡¯


    ¡®I know, but I figured he was just growing up a little faster.¡¯


    ¡®I ignored the signs. The lifeless conversations and the fact he never spoke about anything as passionate as he used to.¡¯


    ¡®Did his parents tell you why he was depressed?¡¯


    ¡®They didn¡¯t really know, Finn probably didn¡¯t even know.¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s so sad.¡¯ She whispers, her words vibrating against my chest, making me shiver. ¡®To think he felt like that and yet never told us or asked for help. Can you imagine how alone he must have felt?¡¯


    ¡®I could imagine.¡¯ It¡¯s all I can do, agree with her, although I don¡¯t feel like agreeing. I just don¡¯t want to upset Emma by telling her I feel like shit, I feel abandoned by him. I don¡¯t want to admit I¡¯m mad at Finnley for keeping me in the dark. On one hand, I can¡¯t stand the idea of him running away, whether or not to hurt himself. But on the other hand, I don¡¯t want to think about what happened if he didn¡¯t run off on his own free will.


    What if someone hurt him?


    ¡®Are you even listening?¡¯ Emma looks up with bloodshot eyes, a tearstained face and lips quivering while she¡¯s trying to hold back her sobbing.


    ¡®I¡¯m not, sorry.¡¯ I look down. ¡®I feel so lost Emma.¡¯ I admit. ¡®I don¡¯t know how long I can take this.¡¯


    ¡®Did they offer you help?¡¯ She asks timidly.


    ¡®My parents spoke about it since I can¡¯t sleep.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®But Finn went to one of those shrinks and look where that got him.¡¯


    She hits me again. ¡®Stop thinking he did something to himself.¡¯ She hisses.


    ¡®Honestly, believing he ran away is the best possible scenario if you ask me.¡¯ I deadpan. ¡®And stop hitting me. I¡¯m not a punching bag.¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s not the best¡­¡¯ She cuts her sentence and shakes her head. ¡®He¡¯s fine. Just¡­¡¯ Her sobbing takes away her ability to talk and all I can do is hug her and try to comfort her.


    We sit there until lunch. Jacob joins and takes Emma out for a walk, while I go over to my old teammates from soccer, joining them for lunch.


    ¡®Cristian?¡¯ Jaimie gestures me to sit next to him, which I do. ¡®Any news?¡¯


    I just shake my head. ¡®I don¡¯t want to talk about it, okay?¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ He nods, turning back to Evan and Tom, talking about the game they played on Saturday. I used to play soccer with them, but quit after I lost interest. I just sit and listen to them talking about their weekend and whatever they did.


    It¡¯s the most boring lunch I¡¯ve had in years.


    I just wish Finnley was here, like I¡¯m used to.


    * * * * *


    Community service consists of picking up garbage in a public park with some other people who did some stupid shit. I¡¯m totally out of my comfort zone here. Most of them are those type of guys you really don¡¯t want to walk into in a dark alley or something like that; tattoos covering their arms and all. They¡¯re just generally the people I try to avoid. I¡¯m not a saint, but I consider myself just a regular teenager who does crappy shit out of boredom. The people I¡¯m surrounded with right now, might consider turning really crappy shit in a living in the near future.This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    It¡¯s not that hot outside and by the end of my first couple of hours, I¡¯m exhausted, cold, hungry and moody. I already feel like shit, but even if my best friend is missing these people don¡¯t care. It¡¯s the consequence of doing something that is against the law; you have to suck it up.


    My mood changes from moody into sad, the second I see Emma and Julia waiting for me. Along with them, is a guy I¡¯ve never seen before. His hair is black, short on the side, a little longer on top. He seems a little older, but not that much.


    I frown while making my way over to them, considering the possibility this might be Nathan. Emma has been bugging me about wanting to meet him the whole freaking day, up till the point we got in a little fight about it. And now she¡¯s forcing me to meet him, one of the secrets Finnley kept from me.


    I never knew it would hurt this much to find out Finnley didn¡¯t consider me a close enough friend to share important things with.


    ¡®Hey.¡¯ Julia looks at me with her head cocked to the side a bit. ¡®You okay?¡¯


    I shake my head and shrug, before looking at the boy.


    ¡®So, this is Nathan.¡¯ She gestures to him shortly, before putting her hand back in her pocket. ¡®Finn¡¯s boyfriend.¡¯


    I just stare at him. His face is familiar, I just don¡¯t know where I¡¯ve seen it before. We share an awkward silence while we look each other up and down, before I turn towards Emma and Julia again. ¡®Why are you here?¡¯


    ¡®I thought you¡¯d like some company¡­¡¯ Emma looks down. ¡®I could use the company.¡¯


    ¡®Why is he here?¡¯


    ¡®Cris.¡¯ Julia smiles carefully. ¡®He¡¯s just as worried as us.¡¯


    ¡®Did you ever try to meet any of Finn¡¯s friends?¡¯ I look at Nathan, feeling a little hostile towards the guy. I just don¡¯t like him, since he was kept a secret and he might even have alienated Finnley from me without me noticing. He was probably the whole reason Finnley never hung out with us after school anymore.


    ¡®I did.¡¯ Nathan keeps looking straight at me. ¡®He just refused because you guys didn¡¯t know about him being gay.¡¯


    ¡®Did you know he was depressed?¡¯


    ¡®Can we go and sit somewhere to talk?¡¯ Emma complains. ¡®I¡¯m freezing, honestly.¡¯


    ¡®I just want his answer.¡¯ I keep looking at him. It¡¯s starting to become a staring match and I¡¯m not going to lose this from him. ¡®Did you know?¡¯


    ¡®He told me a while ago.¡¯ Nathan tells me without much emotion. ¡®He was ashamed of it. Thought you¡¯d judge him for being weak.¡¯


    At least this guy is telling me why Finnley never told me anything. But I just don¡¯t understand why Finnley would think I would judge him? Haven¡¯t I told him enough I would never accept us drifting apart? And did he not respond with the fact he¡¯d never allow it too? But he did and he knew. He let us drift apart and this sucker in front of me is one of the things he kept hidden.


    I can¡¯t picture him with Finnley at all. But I guess this is the guy Finnley picked over me. He told him the secrets he couldn¡¯t tell me and that fact makes me hate both myself for not being there for Finnley, and Nathan for taking my place.


    ¡®You should have convinced Finn I would have never judged him.¡¯


    ¡®I didn¡¯t know you. For all I know Finnley had every reason to not trust you enough.¡¯


    ¡®He hated that name.¡¯ I snap at him. ¡®Don¡¯t call him like that.¡¯


    Nathan is the first to remove his look from me, looking at Julia and Emma shortly, before looking back at me. ¡®I¡¯m not doing this.¡¯ He holds up his hands. ¡®I¡¯ve got enough to worry about with Finn being gone. I¡¯m not gonna stand here bicker over the fact Finn couldn¡¯t trust you like he trusted me.¡¯ Nathan turns around and walks away, while I cross my arms and watch him walk away.


    ¡®Cristian.¡¯ Emma slaps me against my head. ¡®You¡¯re on the same side! Stop fighting and start looking for Finn.¡¯


    ¡®He wasn¡¯t helping us any closer.¡¯


    ¡®All you did was shoot daggers at him.¡¯ Julia sighs. ¡®He¡¯s a nice guy. You¡¯re just upset because Finn kept secrets from you.¡¯


    ¡®It just doesn¡¯t feel okay.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®He used to tell me everything.¡¯


    ¡®Could we please go inside?¡¯ Emma pulls my sleeve. ¡®Let¡¯s go to your place, so you can take a shower and we can sit and¡­¡¯ She shrugs. ¡®Think about possible places where Finn could be.¡¯


    ¡®We don¡¯t even know if he ran away on his own.¡¯ Julia starts to walk in the direction of a parking lot and I follow her with Emma next to me. ¡®He did try to call his parents, and you.¡¯ She looks back at me. ¡®He wanted to go home.¡¯


    * * * * *


    It¡¯s been a week since I last saw Finnley and I feel empty inside without him around. I¡¯m worried sick, my parents don¡¯t know what to do with me and the teachers kind of ignore me in school since I can¡¯t focus anyway. Julia, Lily and Willow have been hanging out with Emma and me. Jacob even sits with us during lunch, even though we¡¯re not the best of friends. But it¡¯s all so depressing I really just want to stay home and lay in bed all day.


    I visit Finnley¡¯s parents every day, together with my own parents, to help them around the house. His mother continues to cry over everything, his dad is a complete and stressful mess and Finnley¡¯s brother Charlie came home during the week. I¡¯m currently in Finnley¡¯s room, seated on his desk chair, slowly turning from left to right and back, just staring around his room. Piles of books litter the floor, but other than that, the room is clean.


    I would always feel peaceful, just sitting here, watching Finnley read a book. I¡¯d always feel peaceful around Finnley and now that he¡¯s gone, I feel restless and on edge the entire day. My safe haven is gone and I¡¯m floating around aimlessly through life. It¡¯s confusing to realize for years, Finnley was a stable factor in my life and I took it for granted for him to always just be there.


    When I was sad, he¡¯d cheer me up.


    When I was mad, he¡¯d calm me down.


    When I wanted to do stupid things, he talked some sense into me.


    He was always there to steer me in the right direction.


    ¡®Cristian?¡¯ Charlie walks in the room and looks at me, head cocked to the side, arms crossed, worried look on his face. ¡®You okay?¡¯


    I just shake my head, unable to respond with words because I think I¡¯d cry when I would try to produce sound.


    ¡®They¡¯ll find him.¡¯ Charlie tells me calmly, sitting down on the bed that is still the way Finnley left it a week ago. ¡®Did you know about that Nathan guy?¡¯


    I respond by shaking my head again, swallowing the lump in my throat.


    ¡®But you did know he was into guys?¡¯ Charlie sounds confused and I get it, because just like me, Charlie didn¡¯t know any of it either. The police told his parents he was in a relationship with Nathan and they were shocked. They didn¡¯t have a clue Finnley was gay, or seeing someone for a fact. Apparently, Finnley always told them he was with me when he left to see Nathan. Yesterday, the police came to pick me up from community service because they needed to ask questions. At least it got me away from those guys that scare the living shit out of me by just sending me those looks. Like they¡¯d love to beat me up over nothing. But when I got back today, they treated me different. With a little bit of respect. I guess they think I¡¯m not the goody-two-shoes they presumed I was. I left it at that. ¡®I didn¡¯t know Finnley was into guys.¡¯ I admit. ¡®He never told me anything. Not the part about being gay, not the part about being depressed.¡¯ I take in a deep shaky breath before looking at Charlie, who nods with a sad expression on his face. ¡®It¡¯s like I didn¡¯t really knew the real Finn, you know.¡¯


    ¡®Because he kept those things hidden.¡¯ Charlie nods again. ¡®He was ashamed about being depressed. Apparently, he wasn¡¯t going to his psych anymore and we found a big amount of his medication. They think he wasn¡¯t taking them anymore.¡¯


    ¡®But why would he do that?¡¯ I groan. ¡®He needed them, right?¡¯


    ¡®You know how much Finn hates medication.¡¯ Charlie smiles awkwardly. ¡®Antidepressants weaken the mind and well, Finn hated the clouded feeling he had when he took the meds.¡¯


    ¡®That sounds fair.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®Finn couldn¡¯t stand it if he didn¡¯t understand something, and he absolutely hated being intoxicated by anything.¡¯


    ¡®He wanted to tell you though. I don¡¯t know why he didn¡¯t.¡¯


    ¡®How do you know?¡¯


    ¡®I talked about it with him about every week and he always told me it would be the week he was going to tell you. But he never did.¡¯


    ¡®It hurts, you know? I mean, I¡¯ve known Finn ever since kindergarten and I never kept a secret hidden for him.¡¯


    ¡®Finnley had a lot more secrets Cris.¡¯ Charlie sighs. ¡®At least, I think.¡¯


    ¡®Why do you think?¡¯


    ¡®Because he never told us where he went, but he was out nearly every weekend, for the whole weekend. He didn¡¯t study as much anymore. His grades where slipping and overall, I think he just didn¡¯t care about it anymore. It¡¯s the depression, I know. But Finn was acting out a lot, fighting with mom and dad.¡¯


    ¡®I never knew¡­¡¯ I frown. ¡®But the police know?¡¯


    ¡®Mom and dad told them everything there is to know, the weird behavior and the lack of interest. All of it. They still assume Finn left on his own.¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s the best possible scenario, really.¡¯ I mutter. ¡®If he didn¡¯t leave on his own, then what happened?¡¯


    ¡®I have no idea¡­¡¯

 Chapter 5 - Oblivious

    <h1></h1>


    ¨C Fifteen months ago ¨C


    ¡®Finn, where were you?¡¯ I look at him with wide eyes. ¡®I haven¡¯t seen you all weekend. And you missed the game!¡¯


    ¡®Oh, right.¡¯ He isn¡¯t looking up from the book he¡¯s reading. I had to go up to the second floor to find him seated in the library on his own after hours. He hasn¡¯t shown up at lunch, ignored my calls and texts.


    ¡®What¡¯s wrong? Did I do something wrong?¡¯


    ¡®Huh?¡¯ Now he looks up, a little confused. ¡®No, I was busy.¡¯


    ¡®Busy with what?¡¯ I pull away the book from under his gaze, not only to focus his attention on me, but also to look at the book. It¡¯s just some stupid fiction. ¡®Reading this?¡¯ I hold up the book in disbelieve. ¡®Finn! You know how important the game was. Don¡¯t tell me you skipped for this?¡¯


    ¡®I didn¡¯t.¡¯ He deadpan. ¡®I had different plans.¡¯ He snatches back the book. ¡®I¡¯m sure the game went fine.¡¯


    ¡®We lost.¡¯ I cross my arms in front of my chest.


    ¡®Oh, sorry to hear.¡¯ He mutters, putting the book in his backpack.


    ¡®Why weren¡¯t you there? Why are you ignoring me? Or avoiding me overall?¡¯


    ¡®Cristian. I have a life outside of you.¡¯ He snaps. ¡®I was busy.¡¯


    ¡®With what!? What was more important than your best friend?¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re really selfish, you know?¡¯ Finnley jumps up and brushes past me after putting his backpack on his back.


    ¡®I¡¯m selfish? What did I do?¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re oblivious to your own behavior.¡¯ He spins around to look at me. ¡®I¡¯m not your slave. Why don¡¯t you ask one of your girlfriends to cheer for you?¡¯


    ¡®I don¡¯t have a girlfriend¡­¡¯ I look at him confused. ¡®And you¡¯re the only one I¡¯ve been friends with for years. I like you to be there!¡¯


    ¡®And I don¡¯t like it, okay? I don¡¯t like to watch. I hate it.¡¯


    ¡®Then why didn¡¯t you tell me? I thought you were fine with watching the game together with Emma.¡¯


    ¡®Well, I¡¯m not.¡¯ He shrugs. ¡®Now you know. Please don¡¯t ask me to come anymore.¡¯


    I watch in shock as Finnley walks away, wondering what the hell just happened. ¡®Finn!?¡¯ I call after him, running after snapping out of my stupor. ¡®What¡¯s wrong Finn?¡¯ I catch up on him on the stairs, grabbing hold of his arm.


    ¡®Nothing is.¡¯ He pulls away from my hold.


    ¡®You¡¯re not you.¡¯ I point out. ¡®You¡¯ve been acting weird for a month now. What¡¯s going on?¡¯


    ¡®Nothing.¡¯ He shrugs. ¡®I¡¯m just tired, okay?¡¯


    ¡®Just tired?¡¯ I repeat after him, grabbing his bag to carry it for him. He lets me, much to my relief. At least he lets me help him. ¡®Are you sure?¡¯


    ¡®Yes.¡¯ He sighs. ¡®Stressed. Stressing over school.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ I nod. ¡®Are you sure this is what you want?¡¯ I hold up his bag with shaky arms because of the weight. ¡®Because I don¡¯t get the idea you¡¯re happy right now.¡¯


    ¡®I want this, Cris. It would be stupid not to take an opportunity like this just because I¡¯m a little tired.¡¯


    ¡®Can I help you in any way?¡¯


    ¡®Stop bothering me about Julia, and stop asking me to watch the games. Because I really don¡¯t like it that much anymore.¡¯


    ¡®Okay. Sure.¡¯ I tell him honestly. ¡®Consider it done. Now can we please go back to the things used to be?¡¯


    ¡®Yes.¡¯ He smiles, but only partially. It¡¯s like his eyes aren¡¯t smiling along with his mouth. ¡®It¡¯s really nothing personal Cris.¡¯


    ¡®Okay, and next time just tell me sooner, okay?¡¯


    ¡®Okay.¡¯


    ¡®And if something is bothering you, you¡¯d tell me, right?¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ He nods, before we head outside, heading home for today.


    * * * * *


    ¡®Finnley?¡¯ Emma nudges him while he¡¯s seated in between us, nearly falling asleep during lunch. ¡®Wake up honey.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m awake.¡¯ He murmurs.


    ¡®Did you sleep at all last night?¡¯ I chuckle, pulling away the hoodie from his head. His hair is messy and the bags under his eyes grow every single day. ¡®You look like a zombie to be honest.¡¯


    ¡®I feel like one.¡¯ He sits up straight and yawns shamelessly. ¡®I¡¯m glad when this week is over.¡¯


    ¡®Are you coming to my birthday party?¡¯ Emma looks at him hopeful. ¡®I promise it won¡¯t be that big of a party.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not really in the mood for a party to be honest.¡¯ He shrugs. ¡®I really need to catch up on some sleep.¡¯This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡®But it¡¯s my birthday!¡¯ Emma whines with a pout.


    ¡®Don¡¯t even try. He doesn¡¯t even attend my birthday parties.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®Let¡¯s hang out on Sunday.¡¯ I suggest, knowing Finnley would rather do something on Sunday.


    ¡®Sounds more like me.¡¯ Finnley instantly agrees. ¡®We can go to the mall or something.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not going to the mall to celebrate my birthday, really.¡¯ Emma deadpans. ¡®I¡¯m throwing a party and I¡¯ll be asleep on Sunday.¡¯


    ¡®What about Monday after school?¡¯


    Finnley shakes his head. ¡®Can¡¯t. I have to get home right after school.¡¯


    ¡®Tuesday?¡¯ Emma looks at him a little annoyed by now. ¡®Or just the party on Saturday.¡¯


    ¡®I have practice on Tuesday.¡¯ I groan. ¡®Wednesday?¡¯


    ¡®I have dinner with my grandparents.¡¯ Emma sighs. ¡®Finnley, please come to my party.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m really not in the mood for a party.¡¯


    ¡®Just drink a little and you¡¯ll be fine.¡¯ She ignores his complains about not being in the mood. Lately, he¡¯s never in the mood to do anything. He should really reconsider his academic career. I don¡¯t think he¡¯s going to survive if he goes on like this.


    ¡®I don¡¯t drink.¡¯


    ¡®Well, this Saturday you are.¡¯


    ¡®No.¡¯ Finnley shakes his head. ¡®And no means no Emma. I¡¯m not coming just because you¡¯re pouting like that.¡¯


    ¡®Well, boring.¡¯ She whispers, slumping down in her seat.


    ¡®If you think I¡¯m boring, then why are we friends?¡¯ Finnley snaps, to which I frown and Emma opens her mouth to respond, but decides against it.


    ¡®Calm down you two.¡¯ I chuckle. ¡®You¡¯re not boring. She¡¯s just sad because you won¡¯t come to her party.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯d be sad if I had to go.¡¯ Finnley tells us matter-of-factly, making me laugh. Emma sighs deeply and nods.


    ¡®Okay, fine. We¡¯ll do something next week.¡¯


    I watch Finnley reopen the book he was reading before he nearly fell asleep, eating his lunch slowly while studying in the same time. I share looks with Emma, who seems just as worried about him as I feel.


    ¡®Finny?¡¯ I carefully ask. ¡®Maybe it would be better if you relaxed for a moment.¡¯


    ¡®I can¡¯t relax.¡¯ He calmly tells me. ¡®Not until after this week.¡¯


    Right. Because he feels the need to ace all his tests. Not for once accepting any less. He¡¯s intelligent enough for one of those Ivy League schools and I know it¡¯s his dream to make it there. But is it worth this much stress?


    I sigh and decide to let him study in peace right now. I really don¡¯t want to get in a fight just because I don¡¯t understand why this is more important than his personal health. Last year he was fine, studying a lot but also doing fun stuff with us outside of school. But lately, he avoids us outside of school, always busy with school.


    * * * * *


    ¡®Is Finnley home?¡¯ I look at Charlie, who opened the door to my surprise.


    ¡®He went out about half an hour ago.¡¯ Charlie looks at me confused. ¡®He said he was meeting you.¡¯


    ¡®He was?¡¯ I frown. ¡®I must have missed him.¡¯


    ¡®Right, well, tell him to be home for dinner.¡¯


    ¡®I will.¡¯ I smile. ¡®Thanks.¡¯ I turn around to go back to the mall, where I was supposed to meet with him to buy Emma a gift. It takes me a while by bike to get there again and by the time I placed my bike in the shed, I notice Finnley in the distance; together with some boy I¡¯ve never seen. They seem to have a normal conversation, but yet I¡¯m always a little on edge when I see some stranger standing with Finnley. It wouldn¡¯t be the first time he¡¯s a victim for a bully.


    Before I¡¯m able to close in on the two, the stranger turns around and walks away, while Finnley puts something in his backpack.


    I frown at the sight, a little confused what Finnley is doing, hanging around the bike sheds with someone I haven¡¯t seen before. Finnley, in the meantime, is walking towards the spot we agreed on meeting. I jump into action, realizing I¡¯m not in that spot and Finnley might be late, but very impatient when I am late, like I usually am. He doesn¡¯t know I already was there, waiting for him, an hour ago.


    ¡®Finn!¡¯ I call for him as soon as I¡¯m within range.


    He jumps and turns around quickly, looking at me surprised. ¡®Where did you come from?¡¯


    ¡®I was late.¡¯ I awkwardly scratch the back of my head. ¡®Saw you with that guy, making new friends?¡¯ I grin, trying to come across as casual as possible.


    He blushes a little, and his eyes widen for a second, before he looks down towards his hands. ¡®Oh.¡¯ He shrugs, failing at coming across just as casual. ¡®He¡¯s a friend of Julia. She asked me to pick something up while I¡¯m here.¡¯


    ¡®Why here?¡¯ I frown, trying to look into his eyes.


    ¡®He eh¡­ works in a store.¡¯ He smiles, but it doesn¡¯t meet his eyes. The bags under his eyes are prominently there.


    ¡®Did you study late again?¡¯


    ¡®Uhu.¡¯ He chuckles. ¡®Tomorrow is the last exam.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ I nod. ¡®Happy when that one is over and you can go back to hanging out with us some more.¡¯ I wink and pull him towards the stores. ¡®Now, let¡¯s pick up a gift.¡¯


    ¡®Do you have something in mind?¡¯ He asks, following me willingly after shaking my hand off his arm.


    ¡®Not really.¡¯ I admit. ¡®I have no clue what to give a girl like Emma.¡¯


    ¡®I was thinking, maybe we can go to the bookstore¡­¡¯


    ¡®She¡¯s not that into reading like you, Finn.¡¯ I let out a soft laugh. ¡®I don¡¯t think Emma likes to get a book as a gift.¡¯


    ¡®She has been talking about reading.¡¯ Finnley deadpans. ¡®She actually reads a lot.¡¯


    ¡®She does?¡¯ I frown. Normally I know Emma better, since we hang out a lot more at and after school.


    ¡®She asked me about a book and all.¡¯ Finnley shrugs. ¡®She was thinking about buying it, but I don¡¯t think she has.¡¯


    ¡®Well, if you¡¯re absolutely sure, then we¡¯ll buy the book.¡¯ I follow him around the mall and into the bookstore he always drags me in to buy himself a book. He searches the shelves for the right book, while I just saunter around feeling highly out of place as usual. Books are not my thing.


    He finds the book eventually, but it takes him longer than normal to locate it. I thought he knew the books in here like the back of his hand by now.


    ¡®Could you pay? I¡¯ll pay you back but I forgot my money.¡¯ Finnley hands me the book and I frown a little, before shrugging.


    We pay and head out for a drink which I pay too, before going to his place. I haven¡¯t been here for a while since Finnley always seems busy lately.


    His mom takes her sweet amount of time to interrogate me on how things are going in school, with soccer and like always, girls.


    ¡®And Finnley?¡¯ She looks at her own son, who leans on the counter in the kitchen, biting an apple and seemingly in thought. ¡®How about your lovelife?¡¯


    I smirk, Finnley frowns.


    ¡®I don¡¯t have anyone.¡¯ He shrugs and returns to his own thought, his mom turning back to me.


    ¡®Is that true, or is he holding something back? He seems to be a little¡­ off lately. Dreamy.¡¯


    I make a face, telling her I have no clue. ¡®I don¡¯t think so.¡¯ I tell her honestly. ¡®He didn¡¯t tell me anything.¡¯


    ¡®Well, let¡¯s just leave him in his own world. He¡¯ll tell us who¡¯s making him happy when he¡¯s ready.¡¯


    Happy? Finnley is highly stressed and he¡¯s acting off, that¡¯s right. But happy?


    She teases her son some more before she lets us go upstairs.


    ¡®So, really no girl?¡¯ I wiggle my eyebrows. ¡®You¡¯re always busy lately.¡¯


    ¡®I had to study, remember.¡¯ He deadpans. We enter his room, piles of books, notes and other school-related stuff litters the floor and a big part of his desk. It¡¯s like entering a really, really messy study room that conveniently has a bed placed in it.


    I take a seat at his desk chair and he flops down on the bed. ¡®Want to watch some movie?¡¯


    ¡®Shouldn¡¯t you study for tomorrows exam?¡¯ He is looking up towards the ceiling, chuckling at the thought of me actually studying for an exam. He knows me better.


    ¡®I¡¯ll do it tonight.¡¯ I shrug, turning around to wake up his slumbering computer. I enter his password, but it fails. ¡®Did you change your password?¡¯


    ¡®Yeah. I think mom was snooping on my computer.¡¯ Finnley gets up and walks over to me to enter his new password instead of just giving it to me. He closes down some screens and opens Netflix before going back to his bed.


    ¡®Is there a reason your mom isn¡¯t allowed to snoop through your computer? Does it contain any info that isn¡¯t school related?¡¯ I grin. Finnley never even plays games or whatever. He just studies. He doesn¡¯t even own a Social Media account of some sort; saying that Facebook and other Social Media are just diaries for people who pretend their lives are so much better than they actually are. Sometimes his train of thoughts are depressing.


    But I guess that¡¯s just Finnley¡¯s way of looking at the world.

 Chapter 6 – New friends

    - Monday, February 1st, 2016 -


    ¨C 10 days after the disappearance ¨C


    I¡¯ve been aimlessly sauntering around the past couple of days. It¡¯s not every day you find out your best friend, might not have been a friend at all. Right now, Emma and I are watching from a distance while the police, along with the principal are opening Finnley¡¯s locker. Who knows what they¡¯ll find in there. I for one have a hunch the secrets I discovered Finnley was hiding, won¡¯t be the last secrets to come up while he¡¯s gone.


    ¡®I¡¯m losing my mind over this.¡¯ Emma mutters. ¡®How can you act so¡­ collected?¡¯


    ¡®Believe me, there¡¯s a big internal conflict going on inside of me right now.¡¯ I simply respond.


    ¡®How are his parents and all doing?¡¯


    ¡®Bad.¡¯ I sigh deeply. ¡®His mom won¡¯t stop crying and his dad looks like he aged at least ten years in the past couple of weeks.¡¯


    ¡®Do they keep you updated on the investigation?¡¯


    ¡®A little.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®The cameras haven¡¯t shown much. Finnley left the club on his own and after that? No sign.¡¯ And that¡¯s where I¡¯m lost. How could Finnley disappear like that? Why isn¡¯t there any freaking trace of him? His phone has been out of service ever since he disappeared and even though a lot of tips came in about his whereabouts, none of those tips lead to any specific location. According to the tips, he¡¯s been seen all over town in the timespan of three hours. Some say alone, some say together with either a boy, a girl, or a group of people. But every tip they¡¯ve checked out, it turned out to be someone else.


    His parents even promised a reward for any tips leading to finding Finnley. They¡¯re desperate to find him back.


    And here I am, wondering if Finnley is even alive. I know I should have some faith, but who turns out missing and is alive after ten days?


    Police even went to search for him in the forest, with dogs and all. Even they consider the possibility of Finnley turning up dead.


    I feel my eyes burn with the sensation of tears, blinking rapidly, not wanting to break down at school.


    Emma nudges me, waking me up from my thoughts at the sight of the police who opened the locker by now, going through its contents, searching for any clue that might tell them anything useful. They take the contents with them in a big cardboard box, after pilling everything neatly, leaving behind an empty locker like Finnley isn¡¯t even in this school anymore.


    ¡®Wanna go outside?¡¯ Emma whispers. ¡®I feel like the walls are coming in on me.¡¯


    ¡®Right, let¡¯s go outside.¡¯ I agree, following her with a slow but steady pace; reminding myself to put one foot in front of the other instead of curling down on the floor, crying like a baby.


    - Wednesday, February 3rd, 2016 -


    ¡®Happy birthday Cris.¡¯ My mom looks at me with a careful smile. ¡®I made you pancakes for breakfast.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not hungry.¡¯ I mutter, slumping down in my seat, looking at the pancakes she made. ¡®And it¡¯s not a happybirthday.¡¯


    ¡®I know you¡¯re worried, even scared,¡¯ ¨C She sits down in front of me, her hands tight together in front of her ¨C ¡®but you have to eat something.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not hungry.¡¯


    ¡®You weren¡¯t hungry yesterday either.¡¯ Dad looks up from the newspaper, which he has been scanning each day for news about Finnley. ¡®But I agree with your mother on this. You should eat.¡¯


    ¡®But I¡¯m not¡­¡¯


    ¡®Eat.¡¯ Mom deadpans, pointing to the pancakes. ¡®At least one. We don¡¯t want you to starve yourself to death.¡¯


    I groan, grabbing myself a pancake, re-chewing every bite for over a minute while feeling annoyed over this. I wonder if Finnley is alive and well. I wonder if he has enough food, wherever the hell he is right now. It feels wrong and unfair to sit here, in the safety of my own home, eating pancakes, while he might be in a ditch somewhere.


    ¡®Do you need me to pick you up after community service?¡¯ Dad looks at me and when I look up I notice both of my parents staring at me. They have a look in their eyes that tell me they assume I¡¯m going to break down any moment.


    ¡®No, I¡¯m fine.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®I¡¯ll go by bike.¡¯


    ¡®Maybe I should pick you up.¡¯ He clears his throat. ¡®I don¡¯t like the idea of you alone outside when it¡¯s dark.¡¯


    I cock a brow, before realizing he¡¯s worried I might disappear too. ¡®I¡¯ll be fine.¡¯ I tell him calmly. ¡®It¡¯s not like anything is going to happen.¡¯


    ¡®You know.¡¯ My mom starts to talk, but she seems to lack strength to continue.


    ¡®Finnley isn¡¯t the only boy your age that disappeared.¡¯ My dad takes over. ¡®The police are linking his case to a couple of other missing children.¡¯


    ¡®Wait, what?¡¯ I feel shocked at this news, since its new to me. ¡®There are more missing?¡¯ I grab the paper, looking for an answer, my dad tries to stop me.


    ¡®There¡¯s two more missing right now, all disappeared after a night out.¡¯ He tells me, still holding on to the paper.


    ¡®You know whatever is in there that you¡¯re trying to hide, I can find online if I want to.¡¯ I tell him, making him let go of the paper with a dee sigh.


    ¡®One of them turned up dead two months ago¡­¡¯ Mom carefully tells me. My blood runs cold hearing her say that they¡¯re linking Finnley¡¯s case to that one. I remember a boy our age was found dead in the woods two months ago. I never assumed it would have anything to do with Finnley being gone.


    ¡®Finnley is alive.¡¯ I deadpan. ¡®And they will find him.¡¯ If only I could convince myself like that. I read through the article, stating facts about all four disappearances, comparing the similarities.


    It¡¯s scary to think there¡¯s someone out there, abducting boys my age. It¡¯s even scarier to think he got to Finnley.


    * * * * *


    They found medication in Finnley¡¯s locker. I¡¯ve been eavesdropping in on a conversation his parents had with mine. It isn¡¯t the medication Finnley took for his depression. They already concluded he wasn¡¯t taking those. They found Ritalin. But Finnley didn¡¯t need them, never did. And his parents would have known since he¡¯s underaged.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Finnley couldn¡¯t deal with the studying so he probably went on and got himself Ritalin to focus. It does explain his stressful state of mind, him being tired a lot. He probably didn¡¯t sleep a lot.


    I told Emma and Julia about it, the latter not surprised. According to her, she knows more students who take it to focus while studying. I started asking around the students of which I know deal in all sorts of stuff, to try and figure out who could have given Finnley the medicine.


    None of them have been helpful and Emma is even a bit pissed of I talked to students like that. Stating it could get me in trouble to hang out with the wrong people. I backfired her objections by telling her I was confined in community service with the wrong people for another couple of days.


    Which gave me an idea. Who better knew about who is dealing what, then people who deal themselves?


    It takes a lot of overthinking this, and a lot of time trying to convince myself none of them would kill me for talking to them. And since police came in to take me in for questioning once, they all treated me with a little more respect.


    I clear my throat while picking up garbage in the park to gain the attention of Stan, a boy I knew got caught with drugs. Nothing serious, but enough to get him in trouble for dealing soft drugs.


    ¡®Are you choking?¡¯ He laughs at me after I cleared my throat a second time.


    ¡®Can I ask you a question?¡¯


    ¡®You already did, mate.¡¯ He chuckles, continuing with the work.


    I roll my eyes, following him along the path. ¡®Seriously though?¡¯


    ¡®What¡¯s the question?¡¯


    ¡®If¡­ you know¡­¡¯ I shrug to make it seem less of a big deal to me. ¡®I needed something to focus during studying¡­¡¯ I drawl, feeling awkward. ¡®What would you recommend?¡¯


    ¡®Didn¡¯t I see you with one of those gymnasium nerds last week? Can¡¯t you ask her?¡¯


    ¡®You know her?¡¯


    ¡®Nah, by looks.¡¯ He shrugs. ¡®The only thing I pay attention to in school, are girls.¡¯ He winks and grins. ¡®She¡¯s hot, can¡¯t blame me.¡¯


    ¡®Well, yeah¡­¡¯ I mutter. ¡®I just didn¡¯t know you go to my school.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not present a lot.¡¯ He lets out a laugh. ¡®And I don¡¯t spend time with other people than the people you presumably avoid.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ I stand up straight to look at him. ¡®So, any recommendations?¡¯


    ¡®I already know, you know what that friend of yours took.¡¯ He tilts his head sideways a little and looks at me curiously.


    I feel my face heat up a little at his statement. So, he knows Finnley is my friend?


    ¡®Less chatting, more working.¡¯ The guy in charge appears by my side. ¡®You¡¯re not here to have a nice get-together.¡¯ He deadpans.


    We both nod, heading on with the work for a while, remaining silent. I keep my eyes on the guy watching us, planning on going back to our conversation when he¡¯s out of hearing range, but Stan beats me to it.


    ¡®It was Ritalin, right?¡¯ He whispers.


    ¡®Yeah¡­ I¡¯m trying to figure out where he got it from.¡¯


    ¡®You don¡¯t know?¡¯


    ¡®I have no clue.¡¯ I chuckle. ¡®Lie you said, I generally avoid the wrong people.¡¯


    ¡®But you know him.¡¯


    I pull up my eyebrows in question, feeling confused. ¡®Do you mean Finnley was the one¡­?¡¯


    ¡®Don¡¯t be dense.¡¯ Stan chuckles again. ¡®Nathan off course. I know he provides students with Ritalin. He isn¡¯t a big shot at dealing, but he does make good money out of his little business.¡¯


    ¡®Nathan?¡¯ I do not trust the guy. I really don¡¯t.


    ¡®Nathan Jacobs?¡¯ Stan stands up and stretches his back. ¡®He was with those girls last week. Assumed you know him.¡¯


    ¡®No, it was the first time we met.¡¯ I admit. ¡®So, he¡¯s the one who got Finnley the Ritalin?¡¯


    ¡®Probably.¡¯ Stan shrugs. ¡®I don¡¯t know any other guy who offers the stuff.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ I take in a deep breath. ¡®Guess I¡¯ll have to ask him.¡¯


    ¡®You don¡¯t seem to cheerful about that.¡¯ Stan grins. ¡®If he¡¯s giving you trouble, I can fix it for you.¡¯


    ¡®No, no.¡¯ I hold up a hand as in surrender. ¡®No need for help. I just don¡¯t like the guy.¡¯


    ¡®Nobody does.¡¯ Stan tells me seriously. ¡®He¡¯s got beef with most of the people right here.¡¯


    ¡®Thanks for telling me that before I got too friendly with him.¡¯


    ¡®Don¡¯t get yourself involved with him if you don¡¯t want trouble with the wrong people.¡¯ Stan warns me. ¡®Most of these guys leave you alone after we found out your best friend is missing. Not because we feel sorry, but because Finnley was a nice guy.¡¯


    ¡®Is.¡¯ I deadpan, before my jaw drops a little. ¡®You knew Finnley?¡¯


    ¡®Honestly, for a best friend, you seem to know little about him, now do you?¡¯


    ¡®So it seems.¡¯ I mutter annoyed. What the hell did Finnley have to do with these guys?


    * * * * *


    After community service ended, I ended up talking to Stan and one of his friends James for a while, before they drove me home. They did that the next two days too. Let¡¯s say my parents aren¡¯t too pleased I seem to be making friends with them since we met during community service. I¡¯ve started talking to Stan two days ago and ever since, he told me a lot about Finnley and how much they met in the past couple of months. Finnley and Nathan have never been couple, what made me wonder why Nathan forgot to mention that to Julia.


    Finnley came across Stan and James because he smoked pod.


    By now I know five facts about Finnley, I didn¡¯t know before he went missing.


    He is gay, depressed, used a variety of intoxicating shit to get into a different state of mind; like Ritalin for studying and pod to relax. His grades had been slipping according to Charlie and by the looks of it, Finnley either couldn¡¯t deal with the grades, or his grades suffered because he was in the wrong state of mind for months.


    But why didn¡¯t Finnley tell me? We always told each other everything. Hidden truth after hidden truth gets piled up in front of me making it very clear to me; Finnley was not who I thought he was. He didn¡¯t exactly lie, but he kept the truth hidden.


    But since he is my best friend and it¡¯s more than obvious Finnley was struggling, I can¡¯t help but becoming obsessed with revealing everything. I¡¯m at Stan¡¯s place and for some reason, he decided to help me uncover the things Finnley kept hidden for me, starting with Nathan and figuring out who exactly he was, and what their relationship had been. For all I know, they had been dating. For all Stan understood coming from Finn, Nathan had been his way of experimenting with his sexuality.


    ¡®Can you find him?¡¯ Stan asks beside me, scrolling through his list of contacts to see if he can come up with someone who might have better contacts with Nathan. The guy went off grid after we met, even Julia doesn¡¯t know why he isn¡¯t answering his phone calls, always sending it to voicemail and sending texts to tell her he¡¯s busy.


    ¡®No.¡¯ I groan in frustration. ¡®He isn¡¯t on any Social Media.¡¯ I mutter, scrolling through Facebook¡¯s search results.


    ¡®You said that Julia chick knew him because he was friends with her brother?¡¯


    ¡®Sister.¡¯ I correct him. ¡®They are in the same class I think.¡¯


    ¡®So, see if she has him in her contacts list. He might have hidden his profile.¡¯


    I do as he told me to, going to Julia¡¯s Facebook to recover her sisters page, searching her friends list to find his name right there. The account, however, has been put to private and it isn¡¯t helpful at all.


    ¡®Wait.¡¯ Stan hits himself in the face with a flat hand, dragging it down slowly. His eyes land on mine and he starts laughing. ¡®Isn¡¯t he supposed to be Finn¡¯s boyfriend?¡¯


    ¡®Well, in secret, yeah¡­¡¯ I look at him confused.


    ¡®Aren¡¯t they friends on Facebook or whatever?¡¯


    ¡®I don¡¯t know.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®I never pay attention to that kind of stuff.¡¯


    ¡®You said you thought you knew everything about him.¡¯


    ¡®Yes. I thought. Thanks for reminding me I don¡¯t.¡¯


    ¡®Do you know his passwords?¡¯


    ¡®I knew the password to his computer. But he changed it months ago. Why?¡¯


    ¡®Try and see if it¡¯s the same. If it is, he might have access to Nathan¡¯s page.¡¯


    I smirk at him and nod. ¡®You¡¯re way smarter than you give yourself credit for, you know?¡¯


    ¡®That¡¯s what my mom always tells me.¡¯ He waves his hand dismissively. ¡®Can¡¯t make the same money in school as I¡¯m doing by dealing pod.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ I sigh. ¡®I can¡¯t believe I spend time with a pod head.¡¯


    ¡®Hey!¡¯ He nudges me in the ribs. ¡®I¡¯m trying to help you, don¡¯t be rude.¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re still a pod head.¡¯ I chuckle. ¡®But a fairly nice one.¡¯


    ¡®Thanks¡­¡¯ His sentence dies when my attempt to login on Finnley¡¯s Facebook page succeeds, giving me access to his page. Stan takes over the controls, heading back to Nathan¡¯s page instantly. They are friends and it provides a little more information about the guy. But by the looks of it, Nathan liked his privacy.


    ¡®He doesn¡¯t post much.¡¯ Stan mutters. ¡®But he gets tagged a lot.¡¯ We watch the pictures he¡¯s tagged in, most of them in an all too familiar environment.


    ¡®That¡¯s the club I took Finn to.¡¯ I point towards a picture currently shown on screen. ¡®Most clubbing pictures are in there.¡¯


    ¡®So, it¡¯s safe to assume he goes there a lot.¡¯ Stan smiles. ¡®I think we¡¯re going out tonight.¡¯


    ¡®And then what?¡¯ I snap. ¡®Ask him, yet again, if he¡¯s seen Finn?¡¯


    ¡®Ask him about the Ritalin, right?¡¯ Stan pushes me. ¡®You wanted to lure him in by pretending to want some.¡¯


    ¡®Oh, right.¡¯ I remember my own plan. I was planning on retracing Finn¡¯s steps, along with the Ritalin.


    ¡®Are you going to seduce him?¡¯ Stan wiggles his eyebrows. ¡®That would be the ultimate way to relive Finn¡¯s last couple of months.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not gay.¡¯ I deadpan. ¡®But maybe befriending him will give me some insights on Finn¡¯s life outside of school.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ Stan sighs. ¡®Just be careful. He has a bad temper.¡¯


    ¡®I can¡¯t believe Finn experimented with him.¡¯ I mutter, covering my face with my hands. ¡®He sounds way too shady.¡¯


    ¡®Well, according to Finn, he was good in bed.¡¯


    ¡®I don¡¯t want to know.¡¯ I whine, covering my ears in the process. I should tell you, Stan is bisexual and has no problems with gay sex on any level. He even tried to convince me gay sex is better than straight sex. Apparently, it was one of the reasons Finn kept going to him for pod. They¡¯ve shared the bed a few times themselves.


    Finnley is totally not as innocent and nerdy as I thought he was. I didn¡¯t even know he lost his virginity, let alone had sex with at least two different guys.


    I just keep wondering, what more was Finnley hiding? If I continued my own search to uncover the truth, what exactly would I uncover?

 Chapter 7 – Missing the point

    - Friday, November 21st, 2014 -


    - 15 months ago -


    ¡®Guys!¡¯ Emma runs towards Finnley and me in the cafeteria, both looking like ghosts. I¡¯ve spend my evening and night drinking and partying, Finnley probably spend a little too much time studying. ¡®Jacob asked me out on a date.¡¯ She cheers excitedly in front of us. I spare her a glance, while Finnley looks up rather annoyed.


    ¡®Do you have to be this loud?¡¯ He mutters. ¡®I¡¯m having a headache right now.¡¯


    ¡®Me too.¡¯ I sigh. ¡®But great, congratulations.¡¯


    ¡®Thanks.¡¯ She tells me calmly, cocking her head to the side while watching towards Finnley in curiosity. ¡®What¡¯s up with you? Cris having a headache isn¡¯t a surprise after last night, but you?¡¯


    ¡®I told you those shots of yours were killing me.¡¯ I tell her, grinning. ¡®They¡¯ll be the end of me someday.¡¯


    ¡®But, you had a great time.¡¯ She grins at me. ¡®How did things with Sophia go?¡¯ She wiggles her eyebrows. It sparks Finnley¡¯s interest, making him look at me questioningly.


    ¡®Great.¡¯ Smug grin plastered on my face. ¡®We spend some alone time in the bedroom. Rocked her world.¡¯ I wink, Emma scoffs, Finnley gets up from his seat in that instance. ¡®Where are you going?¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m going to the library.¡¯ He tells me with much annoyance dripping from his words. ¡®I need to do something before class starts.¡¯


    He¡¯s gone before I have a chance to stop him and Emma takes his seat beside me, following Finnley with her eyes until he leaves the room entirely. ¡®What crawled up his ass?¡¯ She asks me, still focused on the door.


    ¡®He had a headache¡­¡¯ I try to explain his sudden departure. ¡®Maybe we¡¯ve been too loud.¡¯


    ¡®I swear.¡¯ Emma sighs. ¡®That late night studying isn¡¯t healthy.¡¯


    ¡®Tell me something. But he really wants to get into one of those schools.¡¯


    ¡®I know.¡¯ Emma turns around to look at me. ¡®So, tell me about Sophia. You gonna date her?¡¯


    ¡®Hell no.¡¯ I scoff. ¡®Just some fun. You know me.¡¯


    ¡®Yeah, fuckboy Cris.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not a fuckboy.¡¯ I chuckle. ¡®Just not interested in a relationship as long as it isn¡¯t with Julia.¡¯


    ¡®Work up the guts to ask her out, instead of sleeping around with random girls.¡¯


    ¡®She¡¯ll laugh at me.¡¯ I groan. ¡®Or her friends will. And I¡¯m not in the mood for public humiliation.¡¯


    ¡®Ask Finn to introduce you to her first. Get her alone, ask her then.¡¯


    ¡®I asked Finn and he refused. Told me to leave her alone.¡¯ Which was a bit hurtful, but then he went on and reminded me I slept with three girls since summer break ended and he didn¡¯t want me to hurt Julia like that, since he is fond of their friendship. It got me to doubt about focusing solely on Julia, but then Emma came around with those bloody shots and drunk me wasn¡¯t on the same page. It took a couple of touches from Sophia to have my conscious fly straight out of the window.


    ¡®You should drink less.¡¯ Emma chuckles. ¡®I¡¯ll keep the shots away from you next party.¡¯


    ¡®Please, you promised a couple of times already, yet you always put the Tequila right in front of me.¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s just funny to see you drunk.¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s funny to see you try to date a guy like Jacob, while you let the one you want walk out of the cafeteria without so much as a goodbye.¡¯


    ¡®Shut up.¡¯ She slaps my arm. ¡®Finn is not interested and I might as well try to move on.¡¯


    ¡®Have you ever even told him about your feelings?¡¯


    ¡®Have you told Julia?¡¯


    ¡®I just told you¡­¡¯


    ¡®You don¡¯t want to be publicly humiliated, or have her laughing at you.¡¯ Emma repeats after me. ¡®I don¡¯t want Finn to start avoiding me because I have a crush.¡¯


    ¡®He wouldn¡¯t do that.¡¯


    ¡®He already spends more time in the library than with us.¡¯ She deadpans. ¡®And we don¡¯t see him outside of school anymore.¡¯


    ¡®You don¡¯t. I do.¡¯


    ¡®You do?¡¯ She pulls up an eyebrow.


    ¡®He tutors me for Math twice a week. And we spend Sundays together since our parents go to church together.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ She sighs. ¡®And you never bother to call me on Sunday to join.¡¯


    ¡®Like you¡¯d enjoy gaming with us.¡¯ I laugh at the thought of Emma trying to play games along with us. No chance.


    ¡®I wouldn¡¯t. But I would enjoy to spent time with you andFinnley again.¡¯


    ¡®Than ask him to hang out.¡¯


    - Thursday, November 27th, 2014 -


    ¡®Did you check my homework?¡¯ I look at Finnley, who is behind his computer when I come barging in his room.


    ¡®Haven¡¯t gotten to it yet.¡¯ He answers without looking at me. He closes down whatever he¡¯s doing behind the computer and turns around. ¡®But I¡¯ll check when you¡¯re taking a shower.¡¯


    ¡®Don¡¯t you like my natural scent?¡¯ I grin at him, dropping the sports bag in the middle of the room. ¡®Practice ran late.¡¯


    ¡®Shower.¡¯ Finnley deadpans. ¡®I¡¯ll check your homework.¡¯


    I do as he tells me, using the bathroom to take a much-needed shower. Practice ran late and by the time we reached the locker rooms, showers turned cold. Something malfunctioning with the hot water is causing water to run cold after a couple of uses and both the basketball team and softball team beat us to the showers. I didn¡¯t feel like a cold shower so I decided to head straight to Finnley¡¯s house. It¡¯s not like I¡¯ve never done this before.Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    I shower quickly and change into more relaxed clothes before I head back to his room. By now, Finnley is bend over my homework, checking answers. By the looks of it, and the absence of red marker, I did a fairly good job this time.


    ¡®Did I nail it?¡¯


    ¡®Not even close.¡¯ Finnley mutters. ¡®But you¡¯re getting there.¡¯ He looks up and around, facing me. ¡®If you keep this up, people might even start thinking you¡¯re a nerd.¡¯


    ¡®Well, I guess you rub off on me, don¡¯t you?¡¯ I wink, flopping down on his bed.


    ¡®That sounds really wrong.¡¯ Finnley mutters. ¡®So, what¡¯s the deal with Sophia? I thought you liked Julia.¡¯


    ¡®I do. But Stella bought Tequila for Emma¡¯s party. Drunk me wasn¡¯t thinking straight.¡¯


    ¡®Or too straight.¡¯ Finnley spins around in his chair looking at me with a smug grin on his face. ¡®Technically, if you wouldn¡¯t think straight, you would rather end up with a guy.¡¯


    ¡®Ugh.¡¯ I look at him annoyed. ¡®Technically that would mean it started raining frogs and I would ace the Math¡¯s test.¡¯


    ¡®Chances are slim.¡¯ Finnley rolls his eyes, turning back around. ¡®Note taken. That will never happen.¡¯


    ¡®You bet it won¡¯t.¡¯


    ¡®You sound like it¡¯s a bad thing.¡¯


    ¡®Well, it¡¯s not a thing I cheer for.¡¯ I look towards the ceiling. ¡®Not that I¡¯d condemn them or whatever¡­¡¯


    ¡®You mean you have something against gay people?¡¯ Finnley turned back around, looking at me weirdly.


    ¡®Well, no.¡¯ I shrug, sending him a glance. ¡®But to say I support them? My parents are highly religious. I wasn¡¯t raised to support them.¡¯


    ¡®Neither was I.¡¯ Finnley deadpans. ¡®But I support them.¡¯


    ¡®You do?¡¯ By now, I¡¯m leaning on my elbows to look at him properly. My interest is sparked to find out why we¡¯re even discussing this matter. ¡®Didn¡¯t your parents tell you how bad it was and all?¡¯


    ¡®Yeah, but that doesn¡¯t mean I don¡¯t have my own opinion about it.¡¯ Finnley discarded my homework completely by now, crossing his arms in a defensive manner. ¡®Please don¡¯t tell me you believe it¡¯s wrong. That gay people go to hell.¡¯


    ¡®What does it matter to you?¡¯ I smirk. ¡®You don¡¯t even believe in hell.¡¯


    He rolls his eyes. ¡®You¡¯re acting dense.¡¯ He turns back around to grab my notebook, tossing it at me. ¡®You¡¯ll do fine during your test if you keep it up like this.¡¯


    ¡®Cool, so, what¡¯s the next subject?¡¯


    ¡®Pay attention in class and you don¡¯t need me as a tutor anymore.¡¯ He pushes me off his bed. ¡®I¡¯m going to bed.¡¯


    ¡®What?¡¯ I step of the bed before he ends up sending me to the floor. ¡®But I just got here? You said we¡¯d be studying¡­¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m tired and not in the mood. Besides, you almost nailed your homework. You don¡¯t need more studying.¡¯


    ¡®Are you sick?¡¯ I bend over and try to touch his forehead, as if I¡¯m his mom, checking his temperature. He slaps my hand away. ¡®You never go to bed before eleven, doing homework. In fact, just last week you said I need to study more too.¡¯


    ¡®And I¡¯m tired and I¡¯m done with my homework.¡¯ He is holding his sweatpants in his hands, by the looks of it, figuring out if he should start changing in front of me.


    ¡®Did it piss you off?¡¯ I¡¯m not an idiot. I noticed the change in atmosphere. ¡®The fact I don¡¯t support gay people?¡¯


    ¡®It does, a bit, yeah.¡¯ He admits, eyes a bit cold.


    ¡®Why does it even matter to you? You¡¯re not gay.¡¯


    ¡®What if I was?¡¯ He deadpans. ¡®What if I happen to be gay? Would you support me? Or would you blindly follow your parents and think I¡¯m a sin?¡¯


    I cock a brow and open my mouth to speak, although I¡¯m really taken by surprise about this whole conversation. ¡®But you¡¯re not.¡¯


    ¡®So, you would think of me as a sin?¡¯


    ¡®I didn¡¯t say that¡­¡¯


    ¡®But you didn¡¯t tell me different either.¡¯


    ¡®What the fuck is this about Finn? Areyou gay?¡¯


    ¡®No.¡¯ He snaps. ¡®But the fact my best friend thinks of gay people as less then him, pisses me off.¡¯


    ¡®What? You want me to start throwing a parade for them? I said I¡¯m not completely against them.¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re not supportive of them either.¡¯ Finnley crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. ¡®You know what? Forget about it. It¡¯s late. I¡¯m tired. This whole conversation doesn¡¯t matter.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ I nod in agreement. ¡®Maybe it would be best for you to go to sleep. You seem tired and stressed lately.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m fine.¡¯


    ¡®Well, see you tomorrow?¡¯


    ¡®Yeah. See you tomorrow.¡¯


    - Friday, November 28th, 2014 -


    ¡®He sent me home at nine-thirty.¡¯ I look at Emma confused. ¡®Said he wanted to sleep.¡¯


    ¡®And you had a falling out?¡¯ Emma is in the least a bit surprised Finnley and I had a discussion in which Finnley seemed really pissed off by me. We never had a discussion like that.


    ¡®Yeah, a small one though. He said he was tired. I guess he was already moody when I got there.¡¯


    ¡®What was it about?¡¯


    ¡®Yes or no supporting the gay community.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®I was raised by two highly religious people. Can¡¯t blame me for not supporting them.¡¯


    ¡®Idiot.¡¯ Emma slaps her own face. ¡®One of his friends is a lesbian.¡¯ She deadpans. ¡®It¡¯s one of Julia¡¯s friends too. So, you might want to tone it down a bit if you don¡¯t want her on your bad side.¡¯


    ¡®Finnley hangs out with gay people?¡¯ I¡¯m surprised by that. I don¡¯t think his parents would approve of him hanging around them.


    ¡®Don¡¯t be dense.¡¯ Emma pushes me. ¡®I support them too. My cousin is gay. They¡¯re just like us, just different sexual preferences.¡¯


    ¡®Well, yeah.¡¯ I mutter. ¡®If you look at it like that¡­¡¯


    ¡®Cristian.¡¯ She chuckles. ¡®They¡¯re people too. And they should have the same rights. What if you figure out you¡¯re gay? You sure would want that, right?¡¯


    ¡®I guess.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®But I wouldn¡¯t get that far in life, since my parents would kill me.¡¯


    ¡®They¡¯d love you, even if you were gay.¡¯ She pads my back. ¡®What can I say, you¡¯re lovably.¡¯


    ¡®Thanks Em.¡¯ I grin. ¡®But I don¡¯t think they¡¯d love me if I were gay.¡¯


    ¡®Honestly, get to know your own parents.¡¯


    ¡®I know them well enough, thank you.¡¯


    ¡®Okay.¡¯ Emma nods. ¡®Change of subjects. Math¡¯s test is coming up.¡¯


    ¡®Finnley said I¡¯d be fine as long as I pay attention in class.¡¯


    ¡®Well, didn¡¯t you do a great job at that this morning.¡¯ She lets out a laugh, shaking her head in disbelieve. I might have nearly fallen asleep during class today. She wrote down important stuff for me, so I could ask Finnley about it later on. But, even though lunch break is half way through, Finnley hasn¡¯t showed up yet.


    ¡®We¡¯ll have a free period right after lunch. Go ask him then.¡¯


    ¡®Won¡¯t he be in class?¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s really bad I know his timetable better than his best friend.¡¯ She grins smugly. ¡®He¡¯s free too. I bet he¡¯s in the library.¡¯


    ¡®Well, I¡¯ll go see if he¡¯s there right now.¡¯ I shrug and get up from my seat. ¡®I¡¯m done eating anyway. And you got company.¡¯ I motion my head in Jacobs direction, who is walking towards us. ¡®Have fun with your lover.¡¯


    ¡®Oh, shut it.¡¯ She mumbles, blushing a little when looking at Jacob. At least she¡¯s into him enough to blush because of him. I was worried at first, maybe she would just be using him.


    I greet Jacob hastily, before grabbing my backpack and starting to make my way over to the second floor to look for Finnley. Some of his classmates are in the library, some I find seated in their own little lunch room, but I can¡¯t find the blonde nerd I¡¯m looking for anywhere. Not until I hear angry voices coming from a bathroom, one of them sparking my interest.


    I push open the door to find four guys in there. One of them is Finnley, who is currently standing in front of a smaller guy who¡¯s on the ground. The other two I don¡¯t know by name, but definitely by face. They¡¯re the school¡¯s biggest bullies and by the looks of it, they cornered the ginger kid on the floor and Finnley got in their way.


    ¡®Get lost nerd.¡¯ The black-haired bully snaps at him. ¡®This is none of your business.¡¯


    ¡®By the looks of it, I just made this my business.¡¯ Finnley snaps back, crossing his arms.


    ¡®You¡¯re asking for trouble, kid.¡¯ The black-haired guy answers back, raising his fist.


    ¡®Hey!¡¯ I call out, dropping my backpack to step next to Finnley, maybe even a little in front of him to protect him. ¡®I wouldn¡¯t do that if I were you.¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re not me.¡¯ The guy smirks, while the other grabs hold of his raised fist. ¡®Tobias, let¡¯s go.¡¯ The guy with brown hair whispers. ¡®This isn¡¯t worth the trouble.¡¯


    ¡®That¡¯s right.¡¯ I tell them calmly. ¡®It isn¡¯t worth it, now get lost.¡¯


    ¡®Shut up, nerd.¡¯ Tobias growls.


    ¡®Tobias.¡¯ The guy besides him starts pulling his arm. ¡®That¡¯s Cris Evans.¡¯ He whispers, just loud enough for me to hear. ¡®He¡¯s friends with Jaimie.¡¯


    ¡®What do I care?¡¯ Tobias snaps. ¡®I wouldn¡¯t give a damn if he would be the goddam king.¡¯ But his fist lowers and his shoulders slump down a bit. It has is advantage to be friends with Jaimie, who¡¯s not afraid to throw a punch. Might I add, a painful punch.


    ¡®Let¡¯s just go. Wrong place, wrong time.¡¯


    ¡®This isn¡¯t over.¡¯ Tobias snaps at the ginger kid on the floor, before looking coldly at Finnley. ¡®And if I ever find you alone¡­¡¯


    ¡®Don¡¯t you fucking dare to threaten him.¡¯ I growl, lunching towards him. Finnley grabs hold of me just in time, while Tobias gets dragged away by his friend.


    ¡®Calm down Cris.¡¯ Finnley chuckles. ¡®I could¡¯ve handled them myself.¡¯


    ¡®What are you doing?¡¯ I grab hold of his arms, shaking him a bit. ¡®Why did you go out and look for trouble?¡¯


    ¡®They attacked Martin.¡¯ Finnley pulls out of my hold and turns to the ginger kid, apparently called Martin. ¡®It wasn¡¯t a fair fight.¡¯ He kneels down and helps Martin up.


    ¡®Thanks Finn.¡¯ He mutters shamefully. ¡®I¡¯m glad you came in.¡¯


    ¡®No problem Martin.¡¯ Finnley gently helps him up. ¡®Just try to avoid them for a while. Even though they shouldn¡¯t be up here in the first place.¡¯


    ¡®Well, thanks again. I¡¯ll go finish our calculations. See you in a bit.¡¯


    ¡®Yeah, be right there.¡¯ Finnley watches the guy take off, before turning back to me. ¡®What are you doing here?¡¯


    ¡®Looking for you. Since you didn¡¯t give us a head up you would eat up here. Emma¡¯s got company.¡¯


    ¡®I was busy with a project.¡¯ Finnley shrugs, while he avoids looking directly at me. His eyes dart around my face, but never land on my eyes. ¡®I¡¯ll be busy the rest of the day.¡¯


    ¡®Are you still mad at me because of yesterday?¡¯


    ¡®Nah.¡¯ He shrugs and smiles a little. ¡®I was tired, remember.¡¯


    ¡®Good, because I didn¡¯t mean to upset you, or offend any of your friends.¡¯


    ¡®Than think a little before you speak.¡¯ He grins at me, before he pads my head and walks out of the bathroom without another word.

 Chapter 8 – Reality check

    - Saturday, February 6th, 2016 -


    ¨C 15 days after the disappearance ¨C


    Nathan didn¡¯t show up in the club, much to my disliking. After waiting patiently for about two hours, Stan and I decided to just drink and party to relax a bit, celebrating my birthday in some way, since I did cancel my party. I had a lot of fun with him. He turns out to be a little more like me than I expected. I figured he was just some screw up, dealing drugs, ditching school, but there¡¯s more to him than meets the eye.


    I had to sneak into the house since both my mom and dad disagree on me going out right now. Not only because I got arrested two weeks ago, but also because Finn wasn¡¯t the first to disappear after going out.


    I successfully evaded them while drunk, and the next morning I successfully hid the fact I had a huge hangover.


    My parents went to Finnley¡¯s parents to support them and help them around the house. Charlie told me they¡¯ve been digging through Finnley¡¯s stuff to find clues on what could have happened. They think he got in contact with the wrong people and I¡¯ve told Charlie about Nathan and the things Stan told me about him. What I did not expect, was for my parents to come home after two hours, prior to diner, which they should have eaten with James and Eva.


    ¡®I can¡¯t believe they treated him like that!¡¯ My dad is obviously pissed over something. ¡®Their own son for crying out loud!¡¯


    ¡®Kody, calm down.¡¯ My mom sounds a little calmer, but even I can tell she¡¯s worked up over something. I¡¯m upstairs, but hearing my dad like that, got me to abandon the game I was playing to go downstairs.


    ¡®They told us everything was fine. Finnley wouldn¡¯t run away. But I don¡¯t know Maria, what if Finnley did run away?¡¯


    ¡®Wouldn¡¯t he have come to Cristian? They¡¯re best friends for years.¡¯


    ¡®Maybe he thinks we think about him the same. Since we go to church with them¡­¡¯ My dad sighs right when I enter the kitchen. ¡®Cristian?¡¯ He looks at me. ¡®Did you know Finnley is gay?¡¯


    ¡®I didn¡¯t before he went missing,¡¯ I answer. ¡®Why?¡¯


    My dad shakes his head, looking at my mom, who takes in a deep breath. ¡®Cristian, honey, if you¡¯re gay, you¡¯d tell us, right?¡¯


    ¡®Uh¡­¡¯ I mumble, looking down. ¡®I¡¯m not gay.¡¯


    ¡®But would you tell us?¡¯


    ¡®I don¡¯t know¡­¡¯ I admit. ¡®I don¡¯t think I would.¡¯


    ¡®See.¡¯ Dad snaps at my mom. ¡®We¡¯re just as bad! Our own son wouldn¡¯t tell us either. Why for the love of god would Finnley come to him?¡¯


    ¡®Why wouldn¡¯t you tell us? Do you think we would condemn you?¡¯ Mom ignores my dad completely.


    ¡®I guess.¡¯ I shrug. ¡®You always told me being gay is a bad thing¡­¡¯


    My dad shakes his head and my mom smiles sadly. ¡®Being gay isn¡¯t bad.¡¯ My dad tells me seriously. ¡®But it¡¯s hard, because there¡¯s a lot of people out there who think it is. We always hoped for you to marry a woman, because we don¡¯t want you to get discriminated against. But if you aregay, we would accept you just as much.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not gay,¡¯ I deadpan. ¡®But good to know you would accept me.¡¯


    ¡®Off course we¡¯d accept you.¡¯ Mom walks over towards me and hugs me, rubbing my back gently. ¡®You¡¯re our son.¡¯


    ¡®So, I reckon Finn¡¯s parents don¡¯t accept him being gay?¡¯


    My dad shakes his head, looking sad. ¡®Apparently, they had a huge fight about it with Finnley almost every day. They wanted him to go to church with them, find the ¡°right¡± path¡­¡¯ My dad draws quotation marks in the air. ¡®They even have been looking for one of those camps to cure him from being gay.¡¯


    ¡®Are you serious?¡¯ I can¡¯t believe I didn¡¯t know any of this. ¡®How long did they know?¡¯


    ¡®They found out about two months before Finnley went missing.¡¯ Mom sighs deeply. ¡®Now I understand why Eva asked about it in church.¡¯


    ¡®What did she ask?¡¯


    ¡®About curing gay people.¡¯


    ¡®She was talking about Finn.¡¯ I realize Finnley must have struggled with this, a lot. And he hasn¡¯t bothered to tell me. Did he really think I would react the same way?


    - Monday, February 8th, 2016 -


    ¡®His parents are idiots,¡¯ Emma growls. ¡®Disgusting to think those people exist.¡¯


    ¡®Yeah, well¡­ For Finnley it was the cold hard truth he had to live with every single day. Waking up in a house with parents who thought of him as an abomination to society.¡¯ I¡¯ve been angry ever since I found out about his parents¡¯ reaction.


    ¡®And now they are worried and they want him back. But I¡¯m starting to believe Finn ran away.¡¯ Stan is seated with us during lunch, a little to Emma¡¯s disliking, but I think he¡¯s cool and he told me none of his friends bothered to show at school today.Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    ¡®If he ran away, I still think we can find him be retracing his steps,¡¯ I shrug. ¡®Getting to know the real Finn might tell us where he would go.¡¯


    ¡®Did you have any luck with Nathan?¡¯ Emma looks a little hopeful, but that hope is gone when I shake my head.


    ¡®He wasn¡¯t there. Stan thinks he¡¯s somewhat hiding because of Finn¡¯s disappearance.¡¯


    ¡®Why would he do that? It¡¯s not like he¡¯s got anything to do with it, right?¡¯ Emma sends Stan an angry glare. ¡®First of all, you can¡¯t go around and assume someone would do that. Second of all, Nathan is a nice guy if you get to know him.¡¯


    ¡®Honestly, he isn¡¯t when you really get to know him. Unless, off course, you sleep with him, like Finn did.¡¯


    Emma and I both cringe at the thought of Finn being gay, not because we feel disgusted, but because we didn¡¯t know. It¡¯s weird to realize Finn was sexually active with boys, while we didn¡¯t even know he was into boys; let alone having sex with them.


    But let¡¯s be completely honest about this for a second. Stan isn¡¯t ashamed to talk about his affair with Finn. Nor is he afraid to remind me of the fact Finn and Nathan had a sexual relationship.


    I¡¯ve been raised by very religious parents and more than once has someone told me it was bad, an abomination, a sin. Gay people were sick. Not so much by my parents, but I¡¯ve met enough people from church.


    But I¡¯m not disgusted by the thought Finnley is gay.


    Neither am I disgusted by the fact he had sex.


    I am, for a fact, jealous over the fact someone elsewas allowed to touch Finnley like that, instead of me. That very thought confused me, but not too long. I might not be as intelligent as Finnley, but I¡¯m not stupid. And I can deny it all I want, but I know for a fact, I¡¯ve been interested in Finnley in sort of romantic way for a while now. I just never recognized the feeling as such, because I was told it wasn¡¯t normal. I was supposed to like girls. And I like girls, so why pounder over feelings I have for Finnley if I could explain them as brotherly love? But it¡¯s not brotherly. I¡¯m a fucking jealous monster thinking about Finnley being touched by either Stan or Nathan.


    Back to reality, because let¡¯s face it; I¡¯m never going to openly admit that to anyone, so it doesn¡¯t matter.


    ¡®Could you stop reminding us?¡¯ I nudge him in annoyance. ¡®It¡¯s bad enough already he didn¡¯t tell us a lot over the past couple of months.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry,¡¯ He chuckles. ¡®I¡¯ll stop reminding you.¡¯ But something in his eyes tell me this won¡¯t be the last time he¡¯ll talk about it.


    ¡®But tell me.¡¯ Emma looks back and forth between the two of us. ¡®You¡¯re friends now?¡¯


    ¡®I guess we are.¡¯ I shrug it off like it¡¯s not a big deal, but I know Emma thinks little of Stan, or any of the guys in community service.


    ¡®Yeah,¡¯ Stan drawls. ¡®I guess Cris is cool enough to hang out with. Who knows, I might even come to school more often.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m not going to be your nerd,¡¯ I deadpan, making him laugh, while Emma frowns at the statement. She has no clue what this is about. Yesterday, Stan said I could be his nerd and help him out in school, since he thinks I¡¯m way smarter than him. I¡¯m not, but I¡¯m flattered he thinks I¡¯m smart enough to help him.


    ¡®What a shame.¡¯ Stan is still grinning and Emma takes in a deep breath, seemingly a little annoyed, before she gets up.


    ¡®Well, I¡¯m going to look for Jacob. I¡¯ll see you during Math.¡¯


    And off she is, leaving me behind with Stan. I¡¯m at least a little annoyed she isn¡¯t giving Stan a chance, while she tried to force Finn and me into liking Jacob for months.


    * * * * *


    ¡®I see through your lies, you know?¡¯ Stan takes a seat at his desk chair, while I flop down on the bed. I¡¯m still a little drunk from our night out. Eating some fast food helped a little, but probably only because it¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve had a drink. Stan made me drink water in between.


    ¡®What lies?¡¯


    ¡®You like him, more than just a friend.¡¯


    ¡®Who?¡¯


    Stan rolls his eyes and groans. ¡®Finn, off course.¡¯


    ¡®Not true.¡¯


    ¡®No?¡¯ Stan got up from his seat, now standing next to the bed, watching down on me. ¡®Then look me straight in the eye and tell me you¡¯re not attracted to boys in any way.¡¯


    ¡®Finn and boys in general are two different things,¡¯ I tell him matter-of-factly.


    ¡®Just so this is clear to you, Finn is a boy, you know that, right?¡¯ Stan¡¯s eyes roam over my body, before locking his eyes back to mine.


    ¡®See something you like?¡¯


    ¡®Very much,¡¯ He tells me with a low voice and a smirk covering his face.


    I swallow hard while nerves control my mind and body, noticing how he again looks me up and down, this time with some sort of lust filled glaze. His brown eyes are darker than normal, deep enough to drown in. Tension is thick and I subconsciously wet my lips while taking the opportunity to check out Stan too. He¡¯s the perfect example of a fuck boy. Well-formed abs, neatly trimmed haircut, charming smile. Right now, his jeans hang low on his hips, a small strip of his boxer short visible when he moves. His chest rises and falls with every breath he takes, which seem deep and collected. His Adam¡¯s apple bobs up and down when our eyes meet back. I have no idea what he¡¯s thinking about, but for some reason I half-expected him to make a move, with the way he¡¯s checking me out.


    ¡®Go to sleep Cris. You¡¯re drunk.¡¯ He tells me out of the blue, turning around. ¡®I¡¯m going to take a shower.¡¯


    Can¡¯t say that doesn¡¯t affect me a little. I don¡¯t know what I expected, but I at least expected him to kiss me. Thinking about it, I wanted him to kiss me. My whole body wanted for him to let his hands wander around my body instead of his eyes. I feel hot and bothered now that he left me, tension still noticeable in the air. Before I know it, my hand is in my pants, stroking my half-hard member. I whimper softly in pleasure, before it hits me; I¡¯m not only gay for Finn, I¡¯m definitely gay for Stan too. I could¡¯ve lived with a small crush for my best friend. I just don¡¯t know if I could live with being gay in general.


    But my body doesn¡¯t share that thought, since I¡¯m still subconsciously jerking off at the mere thought of Stan looking at me with lust.


    ¡®Need help with that?¡¯ Stan sounds too pleased about catching me pleasuring myself.


    ¡®Oh, fuck off!¡¯ I pull a pillow over my lap with my free hand. ¡®You said you¡¯d take a shower.¡¯


    ¡®Forgot this.¡¯ He holds up a boxer short, but my eyes are focused solely on his bare upper body. Muscles visibly flexing when he moved his arm. ¡®Admit it Cris.¡¯ He¡¯s smirking now.


    ¡®Admit what?¡¯


    ¡®You want this.¡¯ He gestures towards himself. ¡®You just have to admit.¡¯


    My eyes widen at his statement. I know he¡¯s on to me, but I can¡¯t admit that, now can I? Admitting it out in the open would mean I¡¯d have to start accepting my feelings. But those feelings are wrong, they¡¯re not normal.


    ¡®Why are you still denying your true self?¡¯ He closed the door to the room, slowly walking in my direction again, dropping both the towel and the boxer to the floor in his way over. ¡®Weren¡¯t you the one who said that hidden truths are unspoken lies?¡¯ He¡¯s whispering, crawling over the bed, pushing away the pillow.


    I nod, because I was indeed the one to say that about Finnley¡¯s secrets.


    ¡®And you¡¯re obviously hiding the truth.¡¯ His voice barely a whisper now. His eyes are looking right and me and I¡¯m frozen, unable to look away. ¡®You obviously saw something you liked.¡¯ He uses my own words against me.


    I gasp when his hand rubs my member through the fabric of my jeans, a feeling of longing shooting through me, while my head screams for me to stop this. This isn¡¯t right. It¡¯s one thing to accept Finn and Stan being like that, it¡¯s a whole different thing to be gay myself.


    But my lack of response, or the fastened breathing, or both, gave off a signal to Stan; telling him to go on. And when he unzips my jeans, I don¡¯t try to stop him. When he pulls down my jeans, I even lift my hips, freeing my member, springing up right. Stan grins while he softly, gently, caresses my member with his fingers, barely noticeable, but enough to let me whimper in pleasure.


    ¡®I¡¯m asking you once more. Do you need a hand?¡¯ He isn¡¯t mocking me, he isn¡¯t smirking. He¡¯s dead serious; asking me to admit I want him to touch me.


    I close my eyes, take in a very deep breath and nod.


    I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m agreeing to this.

 Chapter 9 – A lost memory

    - Saturday, February 7th, <u>2015</u>-


    ¨C One year ago ¨C


    ¡®Would you consider coming to my birthday party?¡¯ I watch as Finnley puts away a couple of books, putting them in his backpack for Monday. ¡®I miss hanging out with you.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m busy, you know I have to study.¡¯ Finnley looks at me, laying on his bed, while he just finished his homework. ¡®And I don¡¯t like to go to parties.¡¯


    ¡®For once?¡¯


    ¡®We¡¯ll hang out tomorrow,¡¯ he tells me with a small smile. ¡®I kept my schedule clear to hang out with you. We¡¯ll do whatever you want.¡¯


    ¡®I want you to come to my party.¡¯


    He simply shakes his head and his smile fades in a matter of seconds. ¡®I¡¯m not going to a party Cris.¡¯


    ¡®Okay,¡¯ I admit my defeat. I know I have no leverage to talk him into coming, so I¡¯ll let this pass, again. ¡®We¡¯ll hang out tomorrow. But after the weekend, we need to start working on your social life. This is becoming a little depressing.¡¯


    ¡®What is?¡¯ He frowns at me, crossing his arms. ¡®I¡¯m perfectly fine with the way my life is right now.¡¯


    ¡®We¡¯ve had this conversation a thousand times already. But you don¡¯t know any better.¡¯ I sit up straight and grin. ¡®You need to stop reading stories in books, start writing your own.¡¯


    ¡®Sounds like those words didn¡¯t originally come from you.¡¯


    ¡®I might have stolen them from internet,¡¯ I admit with a smirk. ¡®But it¡¯s true. You¡¯re not really living. I get it it¡¯s important to secure your future. But what¡¯s life without friends? Without a wife and kids? Because if you go on like this, you¡¯ll end up alone.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯ll always have you, right?¡¯ He frowns, I groan in annoyance.


    ¡®Finn, I¡¯m serious. Are you really happy with your life? For real?¡¯


    ¡®Well, no.¡¯ He shrugs, looking down. ¡®I¡¯d love to be more like you, but I made a choice in school and I can¡¯t just back out because it¡¯s less fun.¡¯


    ¡®But you could combine them. You don¡¯t haveto study every night.¡¯ I get up from the bed a little hopeful. ¡®One free night a week. One night hanging out with me, Emma, our friends.¡¯


    ¡®You know I don¡¯t like drinking.¡¯ The doubt is evident in his voice, in his posture.


    ¡®So, we don¡¯t drink.¡¯ I put my hands on his shoulder and shake him slightly, before letting go again. He¡¯s looking right at me, while I¡¯m looking hopeful. ¡®Just have a little fun for once. You¡¯re way too stressed for a fifteen-year-old.¡¯


    He groans and lolls his head backwards, sighs exasperatingly. ¡®Okay, fine, but just this once.¡¯


    ¡®Awesome! That¡¯s the only gift I could ask for!¡¯


    ¡®So, I can return my birthday gift for you?¡¯


    My eyes widen in shock. ¡®Did you buy me a gift?¡¯


    ¡®Off course I did, but I was planning on giving it you tomorrow.¡¯ He simply shrugs. ¡®And since the only gift you could wish for is my presence at your party, I¡¯ll just return it to the store.¡¯


    ¡®No!¡¯ I¡¯m way to curious as to what Finnley got me. ¡®I¡¯d like another gift.¡¯


    ¡®Don¡¯t get greedy Cris.¡¯ He winks at me and starts rummaging through his drawers. For a second I think he¡¯s grabbing my gift, but then he just pulls out clean clothes. ¡®You can only have one gift.¡¯


    ¡®But you¡¯re my best friend!¡¯ I follow him around the room with my eyes, flopping back down on the bed. ¡®You¡¯re supposed to give me two gifts.¡¯


    ¡®You never got me two gifts.¡¯


    ¡®You never throw a party that I can attend to as a gift.¡¯


    ¡®Oh please,¡¯ he snorts. ¡®If I were to throw a party you¡¯d love to be there. Especially if Julia would be there.¡¯


    ¡®Oh!¡¯ I bounce up and down on the bed. ¡®Maybe you could invite her!¡¯


    ¡®She¡¯s away for the weekend, sorry.¡¯


    ¡®Oh, well. In that case you¡¯ll have to entertain me and make sure I won¡¯t go around and hit on other girls.¡¯


    ¡®What?¡¯ Finnley chokes in his own breath by surprise. ¡®You¡¯re not going to hit on someone?¡¯


    ¡®Well, first of all, I just said we won¡¯t be drinking. You¡¯re my best friend and you¡¯re finally coming to a party, myparty, and I feel obligated to make sure you have a nice evening. Second of all, I decided to solely focus on Julia.¡¯


    ¡®Well, that¡¯s¡­¡¯ ¨C Finnley cocks a brow ¨C ¡®so not you.¡¯


    ¡®I¡¯m full of surprises.¡¯


    He rolls his eyes at that remark, before heading over to the bathroom. ¡®I¡¯m taking a shower and then we can go to your house to set up for the party.¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re coming to help me?¡¯


    ¡®I wouldn¡¯t be your best friend if I didn¡¯t.¡¯


    ¡®Right, you¡¯re the best.¡¯


    * * * * *


    Okay, so I broke my promise to Finn not to drink. But without him knowing, I¡¯ve been slipping Bacardi into his cola the whole evening. It¡¯s not that much, but since Emma made him take two shots of Tequila too, it¡¯s enough to notice for a sober person. But there¡¯s something bugging me ever since Finnley got out of the shower a couple of hours ago. He dressed up for the party. Finnley is a kind of guy that wears regular jeans, a little lose but not baggy, with a simple tshirt and some hoodie when it¡¯s cold. Tonight, he decided to wear some fancy looking jeans I¡¯ve never seen before, and a nice shirt on top, which isn¡¯t in his regular color or style; white or black. It¡¯s with a print on it and he even styled his hair. Finnley looks¡­ hot. Not that I think he is, but the girls are all over him.Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    Finnley is tipsy, but not drunk enough to enjoy to attention, so he¡¯s been shielding himself with me for a while now; annoyed by being touched by girls he doesn¡¯t even know. Emma is drunk out of her mind, and disappeared along with Jacob about half an hour ago.


    To be honest, the party is starting to get out of control, with pretty much everybody drunk, some even using bedrooms. The music is blasting and I wonder when the first noise complaints will come in. Our pool is eagerly used by topless girls and horny guys and I have to restrain myself from jumping in with those hot girls.


    It¡¯s Finnley who¡¯s subconsciously preventing me from doing so, constantly asking me not to leave him alone since Janet has been eyeing him for a while now, constantly approaching him with inappropriate comments.


    Maybe asking Finnley to come wasn¡¯t such a good idea. He¡¯s obviously out of place, although appearance-wise he looks like he¡¯s been doing this every week. I didn¡¯t even know Finnley could look this good and I¡¯ve known him for years.


    ¡®Round of shots!¡¯ Emma is back in the kitchen I¡¯m currently in with Jaimie, Finnley, Raymond and Jasper. She holds up a bottle of Tequila and much to my surprise it¡¯s Finnley who grabs the bottle and pours in a couple of glasses.


    All I do is cock a brow in surprise, watching him closely until our eyes meet.


    ¡®What?¡¯ He continues pouring the liquor into small glasses.


    I simply gesture to him, holding a bottle of tequila in one hand, shoving shots in our hands with the other.


    ¡®I think I need something to survive.¡¯ He shrugs while offering me a shot, which I take. Not that I¡¯m the best of friends with Tequila, but if Finnley is drinking this, I¡¯m drinking it.


    We hold up our glasses, clink them together and down the burning liquor in one swig, before biting down on lime.


    I¡¯m way too drunk to consider it weird for Finnley to drink Tequila like it¡¯s water after that. The fact he never drank alcohol in his life should have gotten me a little worried about this, but I just let him, joining in on his rampage-drinking.


    I¡¯m swaying on my feet, watching as Finnley is close with Janet, Emma and Jacob only have eyes for each other and Jaimie is currently my partner in a game of beer-pong, although we are losing badly because we¡¯re both not that good at aiming anymore. Besides, Finnley seems way too close to Janet and I somehow feel like I should protect him. Janet¡¯s the school¡¯s slut and I feel like someone as innocent as Finnley shouldn¡¯t be taken advantage off in a drunk state of mind. It¡¯s my responsibility for him being here in the first place. He would blame me if he did something stupid; and right now, he¡¯s obviously following Janet towards the stairs.


    ¡®Hold up a minute,¡¯ I slur at Jaimie. ¡®Be right back.¡¯


    ¡®Dude! No! I need you¡­¡¯ He tries to stop me from walking away by grabbing my wrist, but it¡¯s not that much effort to pull out of his hold. ¡®I can¡¯t drink all of these on my own!¡¯


    ¡®Jasper will take my place.¡¯ I push an already hammered Jasper towards the game, before I quickly make my way through the crowd, avoiding collisions with dancing people, before climbing the stairs as fast as I can. I reached top, just in time to see them go into a bedroom.


    I groan in frustration for Janet trying to lure him into this. She always takes advantage of people when drunk.


    I barge through the door, tumbling over on my way in, simple too drunk to stay up right. I pay no attention to the fact I¡¯m on the floor; shouting at Finnley. ¡®Don¡¯t!¡¯ I scramble up right, locking eyes with Finnley, who¡¯s down on the bed while Janet is straddling his waist. ¡®Get off of him.¡¯ I feel enough adrenaline to be sober enough to pull her away. ¡®Not going to happen.¡¯


    ¡®Cris!¡¯ Finnley is obviously drunk out of his mind, annoyance is noticeable in his voice, but that¡¯s right before he¡¯s in a fit of laughter. ¡®Get out.¡¯


    ¡®No,¡¯ I deadpan. ¡®Janet, get lost.¡¯ I push her towards the door.


    ¡®Someone¡¯s jealous Finnley gets a little attention.¡¯


    ¡®It¡¯s Finn,¡¯ I snap, before pushing her out, closing the door behind her.


    ¡®Cris, why did you send her away?¡¯ Finnley is still hiccupping in laughter. ¡®You¡¯re a cockblocker.¡¯


    ¡®I just saved your virginity from being taken by an STD-machine.¡¯ I help Finnley upwards, but he¡¯s not cooperating.


    ¡®Why do you always do this?¡¯ He mumbles, closing his eyes. I¡¯m not in the right state to lift some dead weight, so eventually I just let him lay on the bed, flopping down next to him.


    ¡®Do what Finny? Save you from making a mistake?¡¯


    ¡®You never let anyone get close to me.¡¯ The sadness in his voice is evident and it confuses me, since he was laughing a minute ago.


    ¡®You don¡¯t like people close to you.¡¯


    ¡®I like having you close to me.¡¯ He leans on his elbows and turns his head to look at me. ¡®And who said I¡¯m a virgin?¡¯


    Both his statements are in the least a little surprising, since he¡¯s been keeping his sweet distance for weeks now, and the fact he claims not to be a virgin anymore. I¡¯m too drunk for a serious conversation about both the subjects.


    ¡®You¡¯re drunk,¡¯ I tell him with a grin. ¡®You¡¯re just saying stuff.¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re hammered,¡¯ he snaps back, before sighing deeply. ¡®But I¡¯m serious. I like to have you around.¡¯


    ¡®Then why don¡¯t we hang out that much anymore? And don¡¯t go telling me it¡¯s because you¡¯re busy with studying. I could study with you but you won¡¯t let me.¡¯


    ¡®You¡¯re distracting me from the studying.¡¯ Finnley rolls over to his side, watching me closely. I feel his eyes burning holes in the side of my head. ¡®That¡¯s why I never ask you to join me for studying.¡¯


    ¡®I distract you? When you tutor me, I¡¯m all serious and shit. I¡¯m never serious, except when I¡¯m with you. I could study quietly.¡¯


    ¡®That¡¯s not what I meant.¡¯ He chuckles. ¡®I really like you.¡¯ The last part of his words is barely above a whisper and along with the music blasting through the house, I nearly didn¡¯t catch the words. But I did, and now I wonder what he means by that.


    ¡®How drunk are you?¡¯ Finnley chuckles again, pushing me when I just lay there with my eyes closed. ¡®Don¡¯t pass out now.¡¯


    I¡¯m trying to keep in the contents of my stomach, but ever since I decided to lay down, the world spins, nauseating me in the process. I sit up straight, hoping the spinning will decrease in an upwards position, scrambling upwards so that if I need to throw up, I¡¯m already on my feet and in to the bathroom sooner. ¡®I¡¯m going to be sick.¡¯ I manage to mumble, to which Finnley shoots upwards and towards me, just in time to prevent me from falling over.


    ¡®Bathroom?¡¯ Finnley¡¯s voice sounds amused.


    ¡®As long as I¡¯m standing, I¡¯m fine.¡¯ I tell him while leaning backwards against the wall, closing my eyes again. ¡®What are we doing here anyway?¡¯ I look around the bedroom, while Finnley cocks his head to the side, taking me in with a weird, contemplating look on his face.


    ¡®Really Cris?¡¯ Finnley steps closer, preventing me yet again from falling, this time to the side.


    ¡®I¡¯m so drunk¡­¡¯ I admit, before chuckling.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry Cris¡­¡¯ Finnley drawls in a whisper.


    ¡®What for?¡¯


    He steps in closer, his hands holding my wrists, pushing them against the wall beside my head. My eyes widen in surprise when his lips lock onto mine, kissing me carefully. It¡¯s a couple of seconds in which neither of us moves, before he pulls back. We stare at each other with wide eyes, his breath tickling my face in the close proximity we are in. He¡¯s still holding my hands, preventing me from doing anything. And for some reason I want him to kiss me again. My drunk mind screams for him to touch me again.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry¡­¡¯ He let¡¯s go, stepping backwards with his eyes looking to the ground. ¡®I hope you won¡¯t¡­¡¯ I cut his sentence short, by pushing him backwards on the bed. His eyes widen in shock and his first reaction is to cover his face with his arms. ¡®Don¡¯t hit me!¡¯


    ¡®Finn.¡¯ My voice is deep while I crawl on top of him, pulling away his arms to look at him. ¡®Why¡¯d you do it?¡¯


    ¡®I was curious?¡¯ He tries, avoiding eye contact. His eyes dart all over my face, probably looking for clues about my thoughts. Instead of saying anything, I lean in and lock our lips back together. I feel his body freeze underneath me. He stops struggling to get out of my hold and I take the opportunity of his shocked state to grab a fist full of hair, pulling his head a little to the right to deepen the kiss. That¡¯s when he answers me, by grabbing hold of my neck, playing with the strains of hair, moaning softly. I lay down on top of him gently, rubbing my hips against his, creating friction and jolts of pleasure. My best friend is hard for me, and it¡¯s turning me on.


    ¡®Cris!?¡¯ It¡¯s Emma¡¯s voice coming from outside of the room. I jolt upwards, stumbling around trying to gain some balance while twirling around just in time to see her barging into the room. ¡®Did you see Finn¡­¡¯ She looks at Finnley, who¡¯s seated on the edge of the bed, looking innocent as fuck. ¡®Oh, thank god. I heard you went upstairs with Janet.¡¯


    ¡®Cris came in to save the day.¡¯ Finnley shrugs. ¡®I¡¯m way too drunk. I should go home.¡¯ He¡¯s up and out of the room before I can process his words, or the events of the last couple of minutes. Did I just kiss Finnley?

 Chapter 10 – Finnley’s secret life

    - Wednesday, February 10th, 2016 -


    ¨C 19 days after the disappearance ¨C


    ¡®Don¡¯t judge me after the next thing I¡¯m going to tell you.¡¯ Stan lets me take a seat on the grass outside of school. He dragged my ass all the way here during lunch, telling me he had to share something with me. Emma is a little offended because Stan told her he didn¡¯t want her around.


    ¡®I won¡¯t judge.¡¯ I hold up my hands as if in surrender. ¡®I don¡¯t think you can do something that I don¡¯t expect from you.¡¯


    ¡®You make me sound like some kind of criminal that does all sorts of illegal stuff.¡¯ He chuckles.


    ¡®Well, did you do something illegal?¡¯


    ¡®Nah,¡¯ he shrugs. ¡®Depends on how you explain my actions.¡¯


    ¡®What did you do?¡¯


    ¡®Well, Nathan goes to the gym a lot. I may have gone over there to borrow his phone.¡¯ Stan holds up an IPhone. My eyes widen in shock.


    ¡®You stolehis phone? And you found Nathan?¡¯


    ¡®The guy was out of the country for some trip with school.¡¯ Stan hands me the phone after he unlocked it. ¡®Had a friend of mine helping me to hack the phone, but you have to read this.¡¯


    ¡®But you stole a freaking phone!¡¯ I want to shake him heavily. Does he not understand he could get into major trouble for this?


    ¡®I said I borrowed it. I¡¯ll have someone drop it at his house tonight.¡¯ He doesn¡¯t seem too impressed over the fact he stole something, from a guy he claims to have short temper. ¡®Stop whining, start reading.¡¯


    I roll my eyes, but hey, since I have the phone right now anyway, I might as well read what he wants me to read.


    It¡¯s a conversation between ¡°Fuckboy Finn¡± and Nathan. It angers me seeing the nickname Nathan used for Finnley in his phone. So much for a relationship. The guy probably didn¡¯t care one single bit for Finnley and I wonder if he¡¯s even worried about his whereabouts.


    Their contact started over a year ago and isn¡¯t that interesting. They text on and off with little words and mostly just dates, times and locations; probably meeting to exchange the Ritalin Nathan got him. After a while, the conversations seem to get friendlier, with short greetings and small chit chats. Nathan asking him if the stuff is helping him, Finnley telling him his grades are improving.


    ¡®Why do you want me to read all of this?¡¯ I look up towards Stan.


    ¡®I didn¡¯t assume you would read every word. Just scroll to about a year ago.¡¯ Stan grabs the phone, scrolls down. ¡®I didn¡¯t feel like looking for the right part of the conversation. Sue me, I¡¯m lazy.¡¯


    I chuckle when he hands me back the phone. The conversations are like regular conversations between friends.


    Eventually, I come across a part where Finnley tells Nathan he can¡¯t afford to buy anymore. His parents discovered he¡¯s been withdrawing money frequently, asking him questions about it.


    Nathan¡¯s reply is simple; to meet him and they would figure it out.


    After that, the conversation goes dead for about two weeks, when Nathan asks if he thought about his proposal. Finnley¡¯s response is probably exactly what Stan is trying to show me:


    Fuckboy Finn:


    I can¡¯t do it. I¡¯m too much in love with Cris.


    I¡¯m shocked, looking down at the words in front of me. Stan is shuffling left and right, seemingly nervous for my reaction. I don¡¯t know how to respond to this. Something tells me I already knew Finnley was into me, I just ignored it. But on the other hand, Finnley never gave me any hint about liking me. I didn¡¯t even know he was gay.


    Nathan presses him to reconsider, since Finnley would not only get his Ritalin, but also the chance to experiment; which first confuses me, but then it hits me what this is about. Stan told me Finnley experimented with Nathan for his sexuality, nothing more than that. By the looks of this conversation, it was Nathan¡¯s idea to do so, in exchange for the stuff, as Nathan calls it.


    ¡®Wait a minute¡­¡¯ I look towards Stan in shock. ¡®Don¡¯t tell me Finn slept with Nathan to pay for the meds.¡¯


    Stan simply shrugs. ¡®It certainly looks like that. But it¡¯s not the only thing that I wanted you to see.¡¯ He points back to the phone, by now I notice he¡¯s reading along with me over my shoulder.


    Finnley and Nathan bicker over yes or no having a deal, Finnley refusing, Nathan telling him to really consider how much his education means to him. How much he needs the meds to succeed, reminding Finnley about the facts he¡¯s back to getting straight A¡¯s after starting to use the stuff.


    ¡®He¡¯s just blackmailing Finn!¡¯ I feel angry all over again, wanting to hit Nathan in the face for doing this to Finnley.


    ¡®Continue reading, we¡¯ll get back at Nathan later.¡¯ Stan chuckles. Eventually, Finnley returns on explaining he¡¯s too much in love with me to do anything with another person. Nathan seems to lose his patience, telling him in a harsh way I¡¯m straight as a pole and Finn would never stand a chance.


    Fuckboy Finn:


    I kissed him once already. And he kissed me back. He just needs to figure out his sexuality. Don¡¯t tell me I don¡¯t stand a chance.


    The phone drops from my hold in shock, before I snatch it up from the ground to reread Finnley¡¯s message in a shocked state of mind. Finnley kissed me? And I kissed him back? When did this happen?


    ¡®He never¡­ I didn¡¯t¡­ What is he talking about?¡¯ I stammer, looking at Stan in shock, who simply shrugs.


    ¡®I didn¡¯t know this. I met Finn after that and he never said anything about it.¡¯


    I search Finnley¡¯s next messages for any clearance about when it happened, but he doesn¡¯t give away any details. But he does say I was drunk, reminding me of the one party Finnley attended last year; my own birthday party. I don¡¯t remember half of the night, I know Janet had been pissed at me because I ruined her chances with Finnley. But I don¡¯t remember barging in on them like she said. So, is Finnley telling the truth? Did he really kiss me and did I really kiss him back?You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    ¡®So, after you accepted the fact you are in fact into boys, we¡¯ll go after Nathan to ask him about his true relationship with Finn.¡¯ Stan grabs the phone from my hold, scrolling down. ¡®And we should figure out a way for the police to look at Nathan as a suspect.¡¯


    ¡®For using underaged boys for his own pleasure?¡¯ I growl angrily. ¡®Or for dealing Ritalin among student?¡¯


    ¡®For having something to do with Finn¡¯s disappearance.¡¯ He shoves the phone back in my hands, this time showing a conversation that occurred in the days previous and on the day Finnley went missing. To be honest, I know by now, he had plans with Stan and James to smoke pod and he canceled those plans to tag along with us going out. But apparently, Nathan was trying to get a hold of Finnley, who had been ignoring his messages for about four days, until on Friday, Finnley replied to fuck off and leave him alone. Finnley was texting Nathan throughout the early hours of Friday night; and it wasn¡¯t a very friendly conversation. In fact, Nathan is threatening Finnley and Finnley constantly replies, telling him it¡¯s over, he didn¡¯t need his stuff anymore and he was done with their deal.


    Nathan on the other hand didn¡¯t feel like ending the deal, reminding Finnley he wasn¡¯t close to paying of his debts and to either give him the money, or stop whining like a bitch and keep up his end of the deal.


    Finnley refuses both, telling Nathan to back off and leave him alone, he didn¡¯t owe him anything. The final text makes my blood run cold.


    Nathan:


    Just watch your back, fuckboy. I will either get the money, or you.


    ¡®We have to show this to the police!¡¯ I jump up from the grass.


    ¡®Wow there!¡¯ Stan pulls me back down, snatching the phone away. ¡®And tell them what? Nathan conveniently let me borrow the phone, and he gave me his pin code to snoop around in his conversations?¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ I let out a frustrated groan. ¡®What if Nathan has something to do with Finn¡¯s disappearance?¡¯ I shake Stan lightly. ¡®What if he killed Finn?¡¯


    ¡®Calm down Cris. As much as I hate Nathan, I don¡¯t think he¡¯d kill over some Ritalin. Or kill at all to be honest.¡¯


    ¡®We have to figure out a way to get him to become a suspect.¡¯


    ¡®And we will. After I get the phone back in his pocket.¡¯ He wipes the phone with his sleeve, probably removing my finger prints in the process.


    * * * * *


    ¡®How come the police didn¡¯t find these messages? Haven¡¯t they checked Finn¡¯s phone records?¡¯ Emma asks, looking down at a printed version of the final conversation between Finnley and Nathan.


    ¡®This is a different phone number.¡¯ Stan grabs his phone, showing both Emma and me he owns two different numbers for Finnley, one we knew, and one we didn¡¯t know about. ¡®Finnley bought himself a prepaid number to prevent from getting traced while discussing his business with Nathan, or me, or with anyone about anything slightly illegal. He used the phone for his hook ups too.¡¯


    ¡®Hook ups?¡¯ I feel highly annoyed over the fact these secrets keep getting bigger and bigger.


    Stan rolls his eyes. ¡®Every now and then he hooked up with someone he met in a club.¡¯


    ¡®Club?¡¯ Emma looks back and forth between me and Stan. ¡®Finn never went out.¡¯


    ¡®Almost every Saturday.¡¯ Stan shrugs. ¡®Just not to clubs where any of his school friends would go to. Nathan took him to the city a couple of times. James and I took him to some parties around town.¡¯


    ¡®Sometimes I get the feeling we¡¯re talking about a different person.¡¯ I admit timidly while looking down to my hands.


    ¡®I¡¯m sorry to constantly remind you of his secret life.¡¯ Stan sighs deeply. ¡®It¡¯s not like I want to rub it in your face. But you need to realize Finn¡¯s life didn¡¯t just consist of studying and going to school. He met with a lot of shady people over the past year.¡¯


    ¡®And we have to tell the police.¡¯ Emma waves the papers in front of us. ¡®Nathan might have harmed Finn.¡¯


    ¡®I told you, we didn¡¯t get the information fair,¡¯ I snap at her.


    ¡®We can just send these papers in anonymously.¡¯ It¡¯s the first time Julia speaks up, while before she studied the conversation up close. Much to my liking, I let out the part about the kiss Finnley and I seemed to have shared. It¡¯s not of any essence to the information anyway.


    ¡®Can we?¡¯ I cock a brow.


    ¡®Off course we can.¡¯ She smiles at me, finally stopping to look down at the papers. ¡®We can call in and leave an anonymous tip about Nathan being shady. We can also send in these papers without addressing to any of us, proving the fact Nathan is shady.¡¯


    ¡®I thought you both liked Nathan.¡¯ Stan sounds a little irritated at the girls, for constantly pushing us to hand in the information to the police.


    ¡®I don¡¯t know the guy. And as long as he acted nice to me and Finn, I had no reason to dislike him. Finn never told me about any of this, so I just assumed they were indeed dating.¡¯


    ¡®So, will we send in this?¡¯ Emma gestures to the papers. ¡®Anonymously?¡¯


    ¡®If this comes back to me¡­¡¯ Stan points his finger left and right between the girls. ¡®I¡¯m dragging both of you down with me for stealing a phone.¡¯


    ¡®If we go down, we at least go down together.¡¯ Julia nods agreeing, Emma doesn¡¯t seem convinced.


    ¡®Okay.¡¯ Stan nods, convinced by Julia¡¯s sweet voice and soft eyes. ¡®We¡¯ll send them in.¡¯


    ¡®Good.¡¯ Julia seems pleased. ¡®Remember, we¡¯re doing this to find Finn. We need to take some risks since the police is bound to follow rules and restrictions. But do we agree on helping each other out if we for some reason need to do something illegal to get to the bottom of this?¡¯


    ¡®I don¡¯t care what I have to do, as long as we find Finn,¡¯ I simply tell her in response.


    ¡®I didn¡¯t even care about doing illegal stuff beforehand.¡¯ Stan shrugs, before we all look at Emma, who is looking at Julia in a weird way.


    ¡®You are totally not as geeky as I thought you were,¡¯ she mumbles. ¡®But yes, for the sake of finding Finn, I¡¯d do anything to get him back home safe.¡¯


    ¡®Let¡¯s send these in right after school and head over to my place to talk over anything else we can do to help the police without them knowing it¡¯s us.¡¯


    ¡®I like her.¡¯ Stan nods towards Julia while looking at me. Julia blushes and I grin. I do like her too, but my mind is all about Finnley right now, no place to think about anyone else. ¡®But we¡¯ll join you after community service.¡¯


    - Friday, February 12th, 2016 -


    ¡®Cristian?¡¯ My mom calls out to me. It¡¯s Friday, it¡¯s three weeks since Finnley went missing and I feel a little on edge since we¡¯re supposed to go over to his parents. My mom and dad had a big fight with them last week, but made up with them at church on Sunday. They still however think it¡¯s wrong of them to condemn Finnley for being gay.


    But I couldn¡¯t say no to them when they asked if I wanted to go with them to eat dinner with them tonight. We send in the papers two days ago and I¡¯m curious if there¡¯s any news about it. We haven¡¯t seen or heard from or about Nathan ever since. He hasn¡¯t been in school and he hasn¡¯t been to the gym. Stan, Emma and Julia are going out tonight, early, to see if Nathan shows up in the club again, while I join them after my parents went to bed.


    Julia came up with the idea to buy ourselves a prepaid phone number, solely for sending fraises from the conversation between Nathan and Finnley to Nathan himself. She said that messing with people¡¯s heads could push them towards breaking point.


    So far, no reaction. But he¡¯s read all of the messages. And he isn¡¯t blocking the number for some reason.


    As soon as we arrive at the Lund¡¯s household we find ourselves in the middle of a fight; and it¡¯s awkward as hell. Charlie opened the door with a look to tell us he¡¯s sorry about the fight. My mom sighs deeply, while my dad barges inside, standing in between James and Eva. They¡¯re about three meters apart, both heated over some argument they were in.


    ¡®You¡¯re the one who pressured him,¡¯ James shouts at Eva, who looks at him with wide eyes full of disbelieve.


    ¡®I wasn¡¯t the one who kept on asking him about the slipping grades,¡¯ she snaps, waving a hand in the air to add drama to her words.


    ¡®At least I showed interest in my son!¡¯


    ¡®Hey!¡¯ My dad holds out his arms, the palms of his hand towards either one of them. ¡®Stop it!¡¯


    By now they realize we¡¯re inside and heard a part of their fighting; falling back into silence while sending each other angry glares.


    ¡®What¡¯s going on?¡¯ My dad looks back and forth between the two of them in question; both of them look down in shame.


    ¡®The police received an anonymous tip and conversations between Finnley and Nathan. There¡¯s no beating around the bush Finnley was into some shady business with that guy.¡¯ Charlie explains. ¡®Now they blame each other for pressuring Finnley to get straight A¡¯s.¡¯ Charlie gestures towards both his parents.


    ¡®Didn¡¯t the police go after Nathan to get more information about their true relationship?¡¯


    ¡®They did.¡¯ Charlie nods. ¡®But they didn¡¯t release any intel about it.¡¯


    ¡®Right.¡¯ My mom claps her hands before she forces Eva to walk into the kitchen, while addressing to the rest. ¡®It¡¯s not worth it to fight over. We¡¯re all worried about Finnley and we all want him to come home. Fighting over who did what isn¡¯t going to help any of us; and especially not Finnley.¡¯


    ¡®Did they arrest Nathan?¡¯ I follow Charlie towards his bedroom, since he¡¯s the one who spoke about it. I don¡¯t think his parents are capable of discussing the matter without ending up in another fight.


    ¡®I don¡¯t know.¡¯ Charlie takes a seat on the floor, unpausing a game he was playing, probably until we rang the bell. ¡®They don¡¯t tell us much about it. They only keep us updated on having a suspect. Nathan is one of them, but that¡¯s all I know.¡¯


    ¡®But there¡¯s enough about it in the papers?¡¯


    ¡®And that¡¯s about everything we know too.¡¯ Charlie sighs. ¡®Can we not talk about it right now? Mom and dad have been fighting each and every day since he went missing and I¡¯m kind of sick of it.¡¯


    ¡®Aren¡¯t you worried?¡¯


    ¡®Off course I am.¡¯ Charlie pauses the game again to look at me. ¡®But to be honest, I think Finn ran away on his own terms and doesn¡¯t want to be found. He¡¯s smart enough to trick any of us.¡¯

 Chapter 11 – It’s just a faze

    - Wednesday, April 6th, 2016 -


    ¨C 10 months ago ¨C


    I¡¯m not really awake this early in the morning. I¡¯ve always had struggles with waking up and overall, I¡¯m just not a morning person. Half of the time I wonder how I get to school safe without getting into an accident because I¡¯m never paying attention to my surroundings. So before first class starts, I don¡¯t notice much around me, even if there would be a pink elephant parading around the school. I just use the moments of freedom, prior to first class, to further wake up and the final minutes in the hallway to have some sort of breakfast.


    I¡¯m leaning against my locker, while Emma is going through hers to find whatever book she¡¯s looking for. Finnley is beside her, chuckling because of the mess.


    ¡°You should clean it up,¡± Finnley tells her matter-of-factly. ¡°That¡¯ll cost us less time to find the right books for you.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not that bad.¡± Emma sends him a glare. ¡°It¡¯s my mess.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s chaos.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s an organized chaos.¡±


    ¡°If it would be organized, you would be able to locate your calculus book.¡± Finnley lets out another round of chuckles. ¡°It¡¯s on the bottom.¡± He pushes her aside, retrieving the book from the bottom of the stack.


    ¡°Thanks Finn.¡± She smiles at him with gratitude and a little admiration. ¡°You look good today.¡±


    ¡°Thanks Em.¡±


    Emma closes her locker, appearing in my line of view. ¡°Are you finished with breakfast?¡±


    ¡°Almost.¡± I mutter, re-chewing a sandwich that tastes awful.


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m off.¡± Finnley tells us. ¡°I¡¯ll see you guys at lunch.¡±


    ¡°Bye Finn! Have fun today.¡± Emma watches while he takes off, before looking back at me. ¡°I like his new style.¡±


    ¡°His new style?¡± I shake my head a little, before scanning the hallway for Finnley, who¡¯s already out of view. ¡°What new style?¡±


    ¡°The clothes.¡± Emma rolls her eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you didn¡¯t notice Finn is wearing fashionable clothes and styled his hair.¡±


    ¡°Like he wore on my party?¡± I remember Finnley was wearing different kinds of clothes and looked hot. Maybe he did like the attention that he got.


    ¡°Yes.¡± Emma nods. ¡°I didn¡¯t think he could look even better, but I was wrong.¡± She stares dreamily into the distance while we start to walk towards our first class of the day.


    ¡°Why are you even dating Jacob if you like Finn?¡±


    ¡°Jacob is cute.¡± She shrugs a shoulder, pulling the backpack on her shoulder again. ¡°He¡¯s sweet, he¡¯s cute, he¡¯s a good kisser.¡±


    ¡°Oh, a good kisser. Yeah, he¡¯s definitely marriage material.¡± I chuckle while she playfully pushes me in annoyance.


    ¡°Finn is not interested in me. If he would be, I would have known by now, wouldn¡¯t I?¡±


    ¡°Maybe not. Maybe he¡¯s good at hiding things.¡±


    ¡°Not for you.¡± She grins towards me. ¡°Finn tells you everything.¡±


    ¡°True.¡± I would have known if he was into Emma. But Finnley never had a girlfriend and I¡¯ve only seen him with a girl once; Janet, at my party. And I don¡¯t even remember that part of the night. Janet just hates my guts because I broke off whatever happened between them.


    ¡°I¡¯m thankful you were there to get Janet away from him.¡± Emma reads my mind, she does that a lot. I just don¡¯t know how she does it.This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    ¡°Well, Finn needed protection from the schools biggest slut, right?¡±


    ¡°Right.¡± Emma nods. ¡°So, tell me¡­¡± She drawls, taking a seat at her desk. ¡°If it would have been me, would you have interrupted us too?¡±


    ¡°Eeh, no?¡± I shrug. ¡°I don¡¯t think I would.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± She pulls up an eyebrow. ¡°I would¡¯ve taken advantage of Finn just like Janet, if it would have been me.¡±


    ¡°Well, if you put it like that.¡± I shrug. ¡°I¡¯m just still a bit puzzled about Finn.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Well, the clothes, the hair, the drinking.¡±


    ¡°Maybe for once he decided to listen to us and have a taste of fun life.¡± She smiles. ¡°He did have a great night at your party. Even though he felt a little out of place until he had enough drinks.¡±


    ¡°I would feel out of place myself if I would be at a party and be the only sober person there.¡±


    ¡°True.¡± Emma chuckles. ¡°Well, I hope he liked it enough to come to our parties more often.¡±


    ¡°I doubt he will.¡±


    * * * * *


    ¡°Ok, biggest fear?¡± I dip my hand in the bowl of popcorn that¡¯s in between Finnley and me.


    Finnley snorts. ¡°Dense people.¡±


    ¡°Serious Finn!¡± I chuckle. ¡°Why do you never answer any question seriously.¡±


    ¡°I do. Dense people scare the shit out of me.¡±


    ¡°No, they don¡¯t.¡± I hit him in his arm to which ho scowls.


    ¡°You know what I¡¯m afraid of.¡±


    ¡°I forgot, remind me.¡± I chuck down a hand full of popcorn in the meantime.


    ¡°People talking with their mouths full of food.¡±


    ¡°FINN!¡± I grin, showing a toothy smile with bits of popcorn sticking out.


    ¡°Gross.¡± He rolls his eyes. ¡°The dark, you know that.¡±


    ¡°You still afraid of the dark?¡± I cock a brow and finish the popcorn still in my mouth, zapping from channel to channel on the TV.


    ¡°Not so much the dark, more the fact of not being able to see something, you know.¡± Finnley shrugs. ¡°I¡¯d kill myself if I ever go blind.¡±


    I get that, sounds horrible to me too. ¡°Agreed. I¡¯d never be able to check out girls.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re the worst kind of dense.¡± Finnley chuckles, pushing me softly, flipping a page in the book he¡¯s reading. ¡°Most embarrassing memory.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I already feel my face heat up at the thought of that. ¡°You ask the worst kind of questions.¡±


    ¡°I like it when you feel uneasy.¡± He chuckles. ¡°You¡¯re all tough talk and big words. But when embarrassed your face looks like tomato.¡±


    ¡°Thanks dude. I love you too.¡±


    ¡°I know. So, what memory came to mind?¡±


    ¡°My mom caught me jerking off to some porn.¡± I mutter. ¡°I wanted to die when she told me to stop using towels to clean the mess up.¡±


    ¡°You use towels?¡±


    ¡°I was 13!¡± I call out in defense. ¡°The hell did I know about it?¡±


    ¡°Well, enough to find porn and jerk off.¡± Finnley grins.


    ¡°So, what¡¯s your most embarrassed memory?¡±


    ¡°No double questions, you know the rules.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not fair!¡±


    ¡°You kept me from asking the same questions you did.¡±


    ¡°Yeah! Because you weren¡¯t putting in effort to come up with your own.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, no repetitive questions. Try again.¡± Finnley flips another page, scanning the page, before closing the book, throwing it off the bed.


    ¡°Your biggest crush.¡± I remember why I started this stupid game up again. Emma is really curious if Finnley is currently interested in anybody.


    ¡°You.¡± He smirks.


    ¡°No! Finn!¡± I groan. ¡°I told you to be serious!¡±


    ¡°What? Can¡¯t handle a little gay-loving Cris?¡± He wiggles his eyebrows, placing his hand on my leg.


    ¡°Ugh, you¡¯re stupid.¡± I push his hand off. ¡°Honest answer, or answer your own question.¡±


    ¡°So, gay love isn¡¯t allowed?¡± He chuckles, looking towards the TV. ¡°Dude! One channel back. Brooklyn nine-nine, I love that show.¡±


    ¡°You watch Brooklyn nine-nine?¡± I cock a brow.


    ¡°Well, yeah. A friend convinced me to watch it and now I¡¯m kinda hooked. Put it on.¡±


    ¡°And gay love would be allowed if¡­¡± I overthink my answer and look sideways to Finnley, who¡¯s focusing on the TV by now. ¡°No, scratch that. It¡¯s not allowed because it¡¯s not normal. I¡¯m just curious if you have a girl you¡¯re interested in.¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± He shrugs.


    ¡°Nobody? What about¡­ Emma?¡±


    Finnley snorts and sends me a look. ¡°Emma?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s cool. And she accepts al your weird habits.¡±


    ¡°So do you.¡±


    ¡°Well, only because you accept mine.¡± I chuckle. ¡°So, no Emma?¡±


    ¡°Nah man! She¡¯s like¡­ my sister.¡± He shrugs.


    ¡°Okay, then explain your change of clothes and hair.¡± I pull on his flannel shirt, which actually makes him look¡­ hot.


    Nope. Bad thought, not hot, but¡­ good-looking? That¡¯s probably just as bad to think about your best malefriend.


    ¡°Your¡­ favorite thing about me.¡±


    ¡°What kinda question is that?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± He shrugs. ¡°Curiosity got the best of me.¡±


    I cock a brow and stare at him while he just remains watching the TV-show I find so utterly annoying. What is my favorite thing about Finnley? Am I going to answer this question for real? ¡°The way you can endlessly think about difficult shit.¡±


    Finnley scrunches his nose and snorts. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You know¡­ like when you go on and on about stuff you learn in school that I never get.¡± I shrug.


    ¡°That¡¯swhat you like about me?¡± He¡¯s in full on laughter now.


    ¡°What did you expect me to say? Your humor? Because it¡¯s the worst kind.¡±


    ¡°Dick.¡±


    ¡°Idiot.¡±


    ¡°I meant my dick.¡± He¡¯s still laughing and he¡¯s laughing even harder when I my face flushes at his remark.


    ¡°O my god Finn!¡± My eyes widen at the thought.


    ¡°Now you even sound gay. Oh my gawd!¡± He mocks my words with a high-pitched voice, waving his hand in a girly-like way. I hit him in his arm. He doubles over in laughter, wiping away some tears of laughter.


    ¡°You should have seen your face.¡±


    ¡°I hate you.¡± I whine, pushing him again because he won¡¯t stop laughing. ¡°Stop making fun of me. You embarrass me.¡±


    ¡°You embarrass yourself.¡± He is taking in a couple of deep breaths, clutching his stomach.


    ¡°Fuck you.¡±


    ¡°Buy me dinner first.¡±


    ¡°What has gotten into you today!?¡± I jump up, since his remark made a thought of actuallyfuckinghim flash through my mind. ¡°You¡¯re gross!¡±


    ¡°You started acting like a girl.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not a girl,¡± I deadpan.


    ¡°Thank god for that.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± I cock a brow, still standing in front of him, watching down on him while he slumps down in the couch a little more, grinning like a fool.


    ¡°Nothing, hakuna your tatas dude.¡±


    ¡°Right.¡±

 Chapter 12 – Slow changes

    - Saturday, February 13th, 2016 -


    ¨C 22 days after the disappearance ¨C


    ¡°Did he respond to any of the messages?¡± Julia asks while we¡¯re seated on the bleachers, watching a soccer match from my old team.


    ¡°Nope.¡± I¡¯m plopping the p to drag out the word a bit. ¡°Read them all.¡±


    ¡°So, it¡¯s not helping us to push him over the edge.¡± Emma sighs deeply, leaning her head onto my shoulder. ¡°What else can we do?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve thought about this. Since the police obviously didn¡¯t arrest him,¡± ¨C we¡¯ve seen Nathan around town and he¡¯s been in school ¨C ¡°maybe we should start shadowing him in our free time. See what places he visits and stuff like that.¡±


    ¡°The police probably do that,¡± Stan tells her matter-of-factly. ¡°Cris said Charlie told him they look at him as a suspect.¡±


    ¡°But we could, you know¡­¡± Julia shrugs simply, retrieving the papers with the conversation from her backpack. ¡°There¡¯s a lot of locations in here, but only three of them have been visited by them more than once.¡±


    ¡°You should become a detective.¡± Emma chuckles. ¡°You seem very fond of playing spy.¡±


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m just really worried about Finn after reading all of this.¡± She waves with the papers.


    ¡°You read all of it?¡± I cock a brow in surprise. Neither Stan or I have taken the effort to really read all of it.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been studying it.¡± She blushes slightly. ¡°There¡¯s three locations that stand out, one is probably his home, the other is close to his school and the third is a club.¡± She retrieves a paper on which she wrote down multiple small lists and points out to the locations. ¡°The club is a bit of a surprise, since it¡¯s not the club Nathan usually visits on Friday. But he seems to hang out there a lot on Saturday. It¡¯s probably where he took Finn every now and then.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a shady place.¡± Stan looks at the name of the club ¨C Oblivion ¨C and sighs deeply. ¡°It¡¯s a place where people deal drugs and all.¡± He shrugs. ¡°You won¡¯t get in as a minor, unless someone is taking you; like Nathan.¡±


    ¡°Well, let¡¯s put a hold on visiting the locations.¡± Julia points to another list, this one containing names. ¡°These two names keep popping up whenever Nathan wasn¡¯t available to meet with Finn. I assume they¡¯re nicknames, but maybe we can find out who these people are.¡±


    ¡°Again, the police are probably already figuring it out,¡± Emma tells her in a snappy tone. ¡°I don¡¯t see why we have to go out and investigate on our own, while the police are already looking for him.¡±


    ¡°Because, without Stan borrowingNathan¡¯s phone, they would¡¯ve never gotten this information in the first place.¡± Julia sends her a cold glare. ¡°If you don¡¯t want to help, be my guest and leave.¡±


    ¡°I think it¡¯s best if we keep calm for now.¡± Stan agrees, weirdly enough, with Emma. ¡°Let the police figure it out with Nathan. If they need to, they¡¯ll confiscate his phone. Which would mean that they receive our messages and that could get us into trouble.¡±


    Julia¡¯s eyes widen before she groans. ¡°Why haven¡¯t I thought of that?¡±


    ¡°Because you¡¯re too focused on getting Nathan to tell what the hell was going on between him and Finn.¡±


    ¡°So, we agree on not doing anything right now?¡± I take in a deep breath, letting it sink in that even if we want to, we¡¯re powerless right now.


    ¡°We¡¯ll wait for the time being.¡±


    ¡°I hate this.¡±


    ¡°We all do.¡± Stan pads my back gently.


    * * * * *


    ¡°Are you going out, again?¡± My mom sounds irritated, disagreeing even. ¡°Don¡¯t you have homework?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to Julia¡¯s to do homework.¡± I lie ¨C realizing I haven¡¯t told them anything about Julia before.


    ¡°Who¡¯s Julia?¡± There is the question I was expecting already.


    ¡°She¡¯s in Finn¡¯s class. Or was¡­¡± I cough uncomfortably. ¡°You know, she¡¯s eh¡­ his friend?¡± God, how do I address these things right now? It feels wrong to use past sentence, but then again, they¡¯re not in the same class since Finnley is missing. This is all too confusing. ¡°I¡¯m going to eat my pillow if I spend another minute alone on my room mom.¡± I admit honestly. ¡°Julia helps me focus.¡±


    ¡°What time will you be home?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m going home. Maybe we¡¯ll head over to Stan afterwards.¡± I drawl. I wasn¡¯t planning on coming home.


    ¡°I want you to come home tonight.¡±


    ¡°Mom, I¡¯m not a baby¡­ I¡¯m seventeen for the love of god.¡±


    ¡°And as long as you live under this roof, you live by our rules.¡±


    ¡°Might as well get myself my own place soon.¡± I snap at her. ¡°I¡¯m out, Julia¡¯s waiting.¡± I hastily make my way out, grabbing my bike to head over to the park where I agreed to meet with Julia and Stan.


    I get there a couple of minutes late, noticing Julia and Stan seated in silence on a bench, watching over the water. ¡°Whose funeral is this?¡± I joke, slumping down on the bench in between them. They¡¯re seated on either side of the bench with a gaping hole in between them.


    ¡°Sod off.¡± Stan mutters. ¡°James got his ass kicked by Nathan.¡±


    I frown, snapping my head in his direction. ¡°You say what now? Why? What did he do?¡±


    ¡°James returned the phone, Nathan found out James returned it and then kicked his ass, thinking it was James who¡¯s been sending those messages, who went to the cops, you name it.¡±


    ¡°Oh shit.¡± I shortly look at Julia, before turning back to him. ¡°How bad is it?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯ll be fine in a couple of days.¡± Stan shrugs. ¡°But he¡¯s hella pissed off and told me to stop shitting with Nathan.¡±This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°Well, we stopped already.¡± Julia crosses her arms to hug herself, shivering in the cold evening sky. ¡°Maybe we need to figure out a way for Nathan to stop believing it¡¯s James.¡±


    ¡°James said to drop it. If we stop, Nathan will probably leave him alone.¡±


    ¡°But, Nathan is way more dangerous than I thought he was.¡± Julia sighs. ¡°He always seemed like a nice guy to be honest.¡±


    ¡°Get used to it, he isn¡¯t.¡± Stan chuckles.


    ¡°It¡¯s not funny.¡± I snap at him. ¡°If he¡¯s dangerous, short tempered, why did you let Finn continue on with their contact? Why didn¡¯t you warn Finn?¡±


    ¡°I did, but he said he didn¡¯t care. Nathan treated him fine. It took his mind off of you.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s not argue about this, okay?¡± Julia shuffles from left to right in her spot. ¡°We wanted to meet up because we wanted to chill out for a bit. Did you bring the stuff?¡± She looks towards Stan dead-serious.


    ¡°Sure I did.¡± Stan grins and retrieves two spliffs from his pocket, showing them to us. We both grab one and look at them curiously. ¡°Now, let¡¯s start easy, with the one Julia is holding.¡± He snatches back the spliff I¡¯m holding, putting it back in a box and in his pocket. ¡°It contains less and we¡¯ll see from there on.¡±


    He lights it, taking a few drags before handing it to me. Julia¡¯s eyes follow my every movement. I take drag, ending up couching and chocking when I inhale the smoke. It¡¯s the most disgusting taste I¡¯ve ever came across in my life. How can people enjoy this kind of stuff? Not even talking about the smell here, which is slightly nauseating me. Julia ends up coughing just as much and this continues throughout the entire spliff. We share one among the three of us, Stan the least affected by the effects, while Julia and I eventually end up laughing over everything and on a hunt for food. Stan is highly amused by this, offering us food in his home after telling us his parents are out for a couple of days. He bakes some eggs and tries to satisfy our never-ending hunger. After those effects wear off, we end up lazily on the couch and eventually in the garden to smoke another one.


    ¡°Let¡¯s do a game.¡± Stan lays down on one of the lounging sofa¡¯s that¡¯s underneath an awning, while I¡¯m seated on the floor in front of him, Julia sprawled out on the other sofa.


    ¡°What game? I¡¯m too lazy to be active.¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t require any energy.¡± Stan hits me round the back of my head softly, making me scowl, lolling my head backwards to watch at him. His hand it gently playing with my hoodie and every so often a strain of hair in my neck. ¡°It¡¯s simple, childish, but fun.¡±


    ¡°Explain, what game?¡± Julia mutters with her eyes still closed, oblivious to the affection Stan is showing ever since we got a little high. He¡¯s been touching me in barely noticeable ways and it¡¯s weirdly enough arousing to be teased but not being able to show it since Julia has no clue about the obvious attraction I feel towards Stan.


    ¡°You inhale, and name an animal.¡± Stan chuckles before he goes on. ¡°Than you exhale.¡±


    ¡°That sounds like a really simple game.¡± I chuckle along with him.


    ¡°Too simple, what¡¯s the catch?¡± Julia chimes in.


    ¡°If I say horse, you have to use the last letter for your next animal.¡± Stan¡¯s fingers are tickling my neck and I shiver from the touch. ¡°And you can¡¯t say any animal that¡¯s already been used.¡±


    ¡°Okay, got it, eventually it¡¯ll get harder to name one, so you can¡¯t exhale for a while.¡± Julia sits up straight and right at the same time Stan¡¯s hand drops flat behind me. ¡°Does that add up to the effects?¡±


    ¡°Nah.¡± Stan shrugs. ¡°I always end up in the best state of high when I play that game.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s try.¡± I sit up straight, handing him the spliff to light it. ¡°I want to end up in the best state of high.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t.¡± Julia gets up from her seat. ¡°I really need to get home anyway. This has been great. And maybe we could do this again. But my parents don¡¯t like the idea of staying out for this long after Finn went missing and he turned out not to be the first¡­¡± She¡¯s blabbering, but then again, she has been all night.


    ¡°Wait, we¡¯ll drop you off.¡± Stan gets up. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to ride your bike home all alone.¡±


    * * * * *


    ¡°Still wanna do that game you talked about?¡± We¡¯re in the car after dropping off Julia at home.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, do you? You seem pretty tired.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m mellow.¡± I chuckle, feeling the effects wear off slowly. ¡°I want to play, if you do too.¡±


    ¡°So, I reckon you¡¯re not going home tonight?¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± I shrug. ¡°I¡¯ll text my dad to tell him I¡¯m staying at your place because it¡¯s too late to ride back home alone.¡±


    ¡°If only you¡¯d use that cleaver mind of yours for your education.¡±


    ¡°Says who?¡±


    He just grins at my remark, parking the car in front of his home. We head back to the backyard, Stan turning on the heater, me sitting down on the couch he was previously laying on.


    He heads back inside, grabs a couple of cans of cola, some chips, a spliff and a lighter, before sitting down next to me.


    He inhales, offering me the spliff. ¡°Horse.¡± He exhales and grins.


    I repeat his moves, inhaling, responding with elephant and giving back the spliff while I exhale. We continue like this for a while, I thought I had him with donkey, but he came with yak, telling me to google it if I didn¡¯t believe it exists.


    Eventually I lose after he came up with raccoon and we had no animals left with the letter n that I could come up with. I had to exhale before answering.


    ¡°The spliff was almost done anyway.¡± Stan chuckles softly, before taking a swig from his cola.


    ¡°This is the best feeling, I swear to god.¡± I admit, feeling lazy, slumped down on the sofa, head leaning on the back of it.


    ¡°Well, you want to just sit here? Or want to do something?¡±


    ¡°Just sit.¡± I murmur sleepily.


    ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re okay?¡± He sounds a little worried, looking at me with a frown. ¡°You¡¯re slurring your words.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m just high as fuck.¡± I laugh softly, trying to wave my hand. I don¡¯t have to energy to lift it.


    ¡°You look a little pale¡­¡± Stan¡¯s voice sounds funny, making me laugh harder. ¡°I knew the second one would be too much¡­¡± He¡¯s more talking to himself than to me, since I¡¯m in full on laughter right now. I want to move, but I just don¡¯t have the energy to do so. I¡¯m starting to get dizzy, wanting to lay down. It almost feels as if I¡¯m drunk; nauseous, dizzy, incapable of controlling my movements.


    ¡°Don¡¯t panic.¡± Stan simply tells me while getting up. ¡°You¡¯ll be fine in a minute.¡± He¡¯s gone before I can tell him not to leave me behind like this. Him telling me not to panic, only makes me panic a little. I feel like shit out of the blue, while Stan seems fine. My head lolls to and from, me trying to keep it still, but not having the muscle power to do so.


    ¡°Drink this.¡± Stan pushes back my head, with a hint of a smirk on his face. ¡°It¡¯s just juice.¡± He holds a glass in front of me, helping me to drink the juice. ¡°Eat this.¡± He hands me a chocolate bar, unwrapped. ¡°It¡¯ll help.¡± He¡¯s now smiling in amusement.


    ¡°I feel shitty¡­¡±


    ¡°I know, just eat it. It¡¯ll help.¡± He kind of forces me to eat the candy bar, until making me drink another glass of juice. After that, he sits back down beside me, chuckling while I¡¯m leaning sideways against him. His arm is around my shoulder and he¡¯s hushing me to calm down, while his fingers tickle my upper arm, neck and jaw.


    It takes about 15 minutes before the overly high feeling makes places for a better, mellow feeling. By then, I notice all the little touches from Stan, while feelings inside me swirl around, confusing me like hell. I want him to touch me in different ways. I¡¯m in the least a little aroused right now, my body heated and my heartbeat is picking up speed.


    ¡°What are you thinking about?¡± Stan¡¯s voice is soft, relaxed. I watch sideways, noticing how he closed his eyes and seems perfectly content with just sitting around doing nothing in particular.


    ¡°You.¡± I chuckle. ¡°You seem so relaxed.¡±


    One of his eyes open to watch back at me. I swallow once, twice, lean in and press my lips against his.


    It¡¯s a gentle kiss, lips touching without much happening. That is until Stan¡¯s hand found his way to my neck, pulling me closer. He takes over control, much to my relieve, since I had no idea what I was doing. His fingers wave through my hair, grabbing a fist fill, tucking at it to pull my head to the right. The angle gives him a chance to deepen the kiss and as soon as he does, I moan softly.


    I feel him smirk, before he grabs my sweater, tugging it towards him, making me turn, climbing on his lap. I straddle his waist without breaking the kiss, that turned heated and hungrily. One of his hands still holds a fist full of hair, while the other found its way to my hip.


    This whole thing got out of hand a bit quick, but I¡¯m high as fuck and all I know is that my senses are on full alert, making his touches, his kiss, all the more enjoyable. He grinds his hips upwards, creating friction, causing me to gasp for air. He takes the opportunity to flip me down on my back on the sofa, climbing on top of me.


    ¡°Stan.¡± I moan out his name when he pushed my shirt up, trailing kisses down my chest and stomach.


    ¡°Hmm?¡± The vibrations on my stomach, caused by his response, makes me arch my back.


    ¡°What are we doing?¡±


    ¡°Having fun.¡± His lips never leave my skin, his hands fumbling with the zipper of my jeans. ¡°Unless you¡¯re telling me you¡¯re not having fun.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know¡­¡± I drawl, closing my eyes, keeping in a moan when he managed to slide his hands in my jeans, grabbing hold of my hard member.


    ¡°You wanted the best sort of high, didn¡¯t you?¡± He tells me, leaning in to kiss me again, all the while touching me in ways that send my mind, and my worries flying out of the window.


    ¡°Uhu¡­¡± I admit, groaning when he bites softly in my shoulder. My hands roam around in his hair, messing it up completely. ¡°I¡¯ve never done this¡­¡±


    ¡°If you want me to stop¡­¡±


    But I started this, right? I wanted this. My body wanted him to touch me, to kiss me, to pleasure me in all ways possible. ¡°No, I¡¯m fine.¡± I give my consent for all of this, agreeing to let him shag me right there and then.

 Chapter 13 – Impressed

    ¨C 8 months before ¨C


    ¡°Cris!¡± Jaimie grabs my elbow and swirls me around on my feet. ¡°Did I understand correctly?¡±


    ¡°Did you understand what?¡± I pretend to not know what this is about. I¡¯m not in the mood to bicker with him about my decision.


    ¡°You quit soccer?¡± His eyes are wide in disbelieve; as if he¡¯s pleading for me to tell him this is a joke.


    ¡°Yeah man¡­¡± I shrug my shoulders to pretend it¡¯s not that big of a deal. But it is a big deal for me to quit the one thing I loved ever since I was four years old. ¡°I didn¡¯t enjoy myself anymore.¡±


    ¡°But we need you! You can¡¯t just stop halfway through the season.¡±


    ¡°I can, and I did,¡± I deadpan, crossing my arms. ¡°Why would I continue to play if I didn¡¯t enjoy it, at all? I mean, you guys are great, but I just don¡¯t feel like playing anymore.¡±


    Let me clarify my decision to quit even though I loved soccer. It¡¯s honestly the fact Finnley told me he hates it. Not that I started to hate it, I started noticing I only did it because I was good and it always had Finnley compliment me. Without him watching the games, or practice, I feel like I¡¯m doing it for nothing. It¡¯s stupid, but it¡¯s the whole reason I started to dislike playing soccer. After that, I noticed I had to literally drag myself out on the field, in rain and cold weather, to kick a fucking ball around on a field. What¡¯s the fun in that if there¡¯s nobody complimenting you afterwards, nobody wearing your shirt to show that they¡¯re there for you? At least, not someone I care about. There¡¯s enough girls out on the bleacher showing they are there for me; it just doesn¡¯t cut it.


    ¡°Are you serious?¡± Jaimie sounds a little defeated. ¡°Can¡¯t you at least wait two more weeks and help us against Alexandrian?¡±


    They¡¯re our biggest competitors. Not that we¡¯re aiming to be champion. Hell, it¡¯s only been two years when we didn¡¯t end up last in the competition. For some reason two years ago it all clicked and we started winning. We came in third two years in a row and it¡¯s the best result my team ever had.


    ¡°No, I¡¯m sorry. If I continue two more weeks, after that you¡¯ll beg me for two more weeks. I just can¡¯t do it anymore.¡±


    ¡°Well, that sucks,¡± he mutters, pulling his backpack back up on his shoulder. ¡°I thought you enjoyed playing soccer.¡±


    ¡°I did, but not anymore. I might go and find something else to keep myself trained.¡±


    ¡°Well, if you miss us, don¡¯t hesitate to come back, okay?¡±


    ¡°I will,¡± I tell him thankfully. ¡°Thanks for understanding.¡±


    ¡°Hey, that¡¯s why we¡¯re friends, right?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I guess that¡¯s true.¡± We share one of those brotherly hugs, before heading to our own classes.


    The morning goes by uneventful; classes are boring, since it¡¯s a Monday people are overall quiet and tired, teachers are fresh and cheerful, handing out too much homework like they always do on Mondays. They always let us hand in our homework on Mondays or Tuesdays, preventing themselves from having to work during the weekends. All the more do we have to do during our free days.


    When lunch comes around, Emma and I get ourselves food and head over to our regular table, waiting for Finnley and Jacob to meet us there. Every so often more people join us. Sometimes people from soccer, sometimes Emma¡¯s girlfriends. Today it¡¯s Felix, Tom and Evan who join us, because they all came over to ask if I¡¯m really going to stop playing soccer. I tell them the same I told Jaimie, along with the fact I already handed in my stuff; it¡¯s final.


    ¡°Cris!¡± Jaimie comes running through the two-way entrance door of the cafeteria, panic in his eyes. His backpack nowhere to be found. ¡°It¡¯s Finn!¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s Finn?¡± I already jumped up, along with Emma and Felix, the latter one of the few friends who hangs out with us because he is fond of Finnley.


    ¡°He¡¯s in a fight, outside.¡± Jaimie points towards the doors. I run as fast as I can, Jaimie taking me over, leading me the way outside.


    Finnley is in the middle of a circle of cheering teenagers, right in front of Tobias and the same guy that was with him in the bathroom. There¡¯s three guys along with them. Again; Martin is behind Finnley, blood gushing from out of his nose. Finnley seems to be fine, so far. Although, Tobias spits out blood, fuming in anger and Finnley is outnumbered. I bet Martin isn¡¯t going to help him when they start fighting. But then again, someone already hit Tobias once.This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡°I told you not to get into my business.¡± Tobias spits at Finnley, who doesn¡¯t seem to be phased in the least.


    ¡°I told you to leave him alone,¡± Finnley simply responds.


    ¡°Fuck you, nerd.¡± Tobias lunges forward, attacking Finnley, who catches him, but incapable to stop them from falling over.


    I push people aside to make it to the front of the crowd, trying to get there in time to get Tobias off of Finnley. As soon as I managed to push through, I run towards the two of them, Tobias hitting Finnley square in the face, holding his sweater in one hand.


    But before I can attack him, one of the guys steps in pushing me back.


    ¡°Stay out of this,¡± he deadpans, holding up his fists, telling me he is willing to fight me.


    ¡°You his bitch, or what?¡± I smirk at him, telling him this fight is on.


    Along with Felix, Jaimie, Tom and Evan the fight at least is fair in numbers. I don¡¯t know how many hits I¡¯ve taken, or how many times I¡¯ve hit the guy in front of me, but eventually it¡¯s Martin¡¯s voice who stops all of us.


    ¡°Finnley! Knock it off!¡±


    I hit the guy in front of me one last time, before I snap my head in Finnley¡¯s direction. He¡¯s hold back by Martin, who¡¯s too small to do it with muscle power, but at least Finnley listened to him while he stands in between Tobias and Finnley.


    ¡°The hell?¡± Jaimie looks at Tobias in disbelieve. ¡°What happened?¡±


    ¡°Finnley kicked his ass.¡± Emma appears next to me. ¡°It was awesome!¡±


    ¡°All of you, inside.¡± Three teachers break up the crowd, pointing at every single guy who has at least some blood in some spot. ¡°Now.¡±


    ¡°I hope you won¡¯t be punished too bad.¡± Emma grins at me before she takes off again. I walk towards Finnley, who already turned around to follow one of the teachers inside. The other two are bend over Tobias, who¡¯s whining and groaning in pain. I¡¯m plain simple impressed, but also surprised since I didn¡¯t know Finnley had it in him.


    ¡°Hey, you okay?¡± I catch up with him right after walking passed the crowd.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± He smiles, blood seeping from a cut above his eyebrow, along with a nosebleed. ¡°Thanks for always having my back.¡± He¡¯s pinching his nose to prevent blood from seeping out.


    ¡°I¡¯m your best friend.¡± I grin back at him. ¡°But it seems as if you didn¡¯t need any help.¡±


    ¡°Oh, well¡­¡± He shrugs when we walk inside. ¡°I bet they all would¡¯ve jumped me if you guys didn¡¯t keep them at bay.¡±


    ¡°I guess¡­¡±


    ¡°No talking.¡± Mr. Franklin, the teacher who¡¯s holding open the door to the principal¡¯s office snaps at us. ¡°Sit down and stay quiet.¡±


    ¡°Sorry I got you into trouble.¡± Finnley whispers when we are seated along with our friends, three of the bullies and Martin. The other two, including Tobias, are nowhere to be found.


    One of the teachers offers Finnley some paper towels for his nosebleed, telling him to follow him inside. The rest of us just stays put and eyes the other group with hatred noticeable in every movement.


    * * * * *


    I can¡¯t believe you didn¡¯t get suspended.¡± Emma waited for me after school. We all had to talk to the principal one by one, which took some time before all of us had their turn. I got two weeks of detention and a last warning. One more step out of line and I will most definitely get suspended.


    ¡°Did you talk to Finn already?¡±


    She shakes her head, looking around the parking lot. ¡°You think he got suspended?¡±


    ¡°Maybe.¡± I grab my phone and send him a text to ask about his punishment, before I follow Emma to the bike shed.


    ¡°But it¡¯s big time gossip, you know.¡± Emma skips beside me cheerfully. ¡°Everybody is laughing over the fact Tobias got beaten by Finnley. They say he went to hospital, along with that guy Jaimie beat to pulp.¡±


    Like I said, don¡¯t get in a fight with Jaimie. But apparently, don¡¯t get in a fight with Finnley either.


    ¡°So, what¡¯s the deal with that kid Finnley stood up for? I caught them in the bathroom the other day and it seems Finnley is always getting in trouble with Tobias because of him.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. For as far as I know, Tobias is on his back for being a nerd.¡±


    ¡°Ugh.¡± I shudder slightly. ¡°Not that it¡¯s good of a reason to bully a kid. But why would Finnley get in trouble over that?¡±


    ¡°Cris, don¡¯t be dense. You know Finnley hates it when they call people nerds just because they¡¯re more intelligent.¡± She retrieves her bike from the shed before looking back at me. ¡°Besides, you did the same thing for Finn in his first year.¡±


    ¡°I know¡­¡± I sigh. ¡°But Finn is my best friend and I¡¯m his. We¡¯d do anything to help each other out. That kid is just¡­ some kid.¡±


    ¡°Well, since Finn knows what it¡¯s like to be a bully¡¯s target, I guess he decided to be there for the kid.¡±


    ¡°Well, I¡¯ll ask him about it tonight.¡± I watch Emma walking with her bike and follow her towards the bus stop. ¡°We¡¯re supposed to go gaming.¡±


    ¡°What are you going to ask? Why he¡¯s sticking up for a bullied kid? The kid honestly reminds me of Finn when I first met him. The shy attitude and the geeky appearance.¡±


    ¡°Finn never had a geeky appearance.¡± I chuckle only thinking about Finn dressing like the kid does. Not a good combination if you ask me.


    ¡°So, not the clothes, okay. But a bag full of books.¡± Emma shrugs. ¡°It¡¯s cute, but obviously those bags are a target for bullies.¡±


    ¡°Tobias is just a douche and he deserved every bit of what Finn did to him.¡± I wink at her. ¡°And now I¡¯m heading home, because I have to finish my essay before I¡¯m allowed to game with Finn.¡±


    Emma cocks a brown and sends me a questioning look. ¡°Your parents are forcing you to finish homework first? That¡¯s new.¡±


    ¡°Not my parents.¡± I roll my eyes. ¡°Finn. He said he had to do something after school so I couldn¡¯t come over straight after. Then he went on and told me I should really finish my homework first anyway, or else he¡¯ll make me do it.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s a great influence.¡± Emma giggles softly, obviously amused by Finn blackmailing me to do homework.


    ¡°I¡¯ll see you tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, good luck with that essay.¡±


    ¡°Thanks, Em.¡± She takes off with her bike and I wait for the bus to come around, heading home while overthinking today¡¯s events. So, Finnley is capable of defending himself. That¡¯s certainly new to me. Where did he learn to beat the shit out of someone like Tobias?