《A Demon, Probably》


 The Fool - 1

    ¡°You¡¯re no demon.¡±


    The revenant leaned over the table, dripping rotten meat from his barely attached face all over the stack of marks at the centre of the table. He inspected Bal¡¯s face with such scrutiny that Bal thought there might actually be a brain in there somewhere, chugging along.


    ¡°I said that I was probably a demon, friend. There is a difference.¡±


    The revenant scratched away at his fleshless chin, pondering Bal¡¯s words. He was curious. Good. The more attention he paid to Bal, the less he paid to the game.


    ¡°How can you probably be a demon? You either are or you are not. Simple¡±


    The revenant leaned back, smugly taking a swig from his drink. Perhaps he thought he was being clever, but the way the bubbling, sulphur smelling liquid dribble out from the many holes in his skin destroyed the image.


    ¡°Of course, friend, of course. You either are or you are not. Very clever. But, you see, I did not say I wasn¡¯t fully a demon, I said I was probably a demon. There is another difference again, friend.¡±


    The revenant leaned back further in his chair, mulling this new thought over. Bal shuffled the deck again, slipping in his own card right where he needed it, before dealing them out. The revenant was the only one at Bal¡¯s table. No one would notice when he robbed the stupid demon blind.


    ¡°You certainly don¡¯t look like a demon.¡±


    The revenant had a point there. Bal was positively human in his appearance. Well, he thought he was, considering he had only ever seen the twisted bodies of those unfortunate to be dragged to Azoth¡¯s domain.


    ¡°I assure you friend, I was born right here.¡±


    Bal waved his hands at the surrounding cramped bar room, causing the revenant to gaze around, distracting him while Bal dealt out the cards.


    ¡°You were born in this tavern?!¡±


    Bal stopped himself from laughing at the simpleton. Had to be friendly. Had to build his trust. Bal grinned and leaned forward.


    ¡°No friend, I only work here. I was born to a succubus up in Azoth¡¯s palace.¡±


    Bal grinned while the revenant had to divert all his brain power to figuring that one out.


    ¡°But Succubi can¡¯t get pregnant! You¡¯re just making fun of me¡±


    The revenant grumbled and took another swig of his drink. Bal was indeed making fun of the barely held together flesh demon, but this part of Bal¡¯s story was all true.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t say the Succubus was pregnant, friend, I said I was born to her. There is a difference.¡±


    That was too much for the poor rotting brain that lay inside the revenant¡¯s skull. Bal swore he could see smoke puffing up from the over-worked organ. The revenant sighed in defeat and leaned his head on his hand. Finally taking a look at the cards that Bal had dealt him, his meaty face twisted into what Bal assumed was disappointment when he saw them. He should be disappointed, Bal had made sure to give him the worst hand possible. The house always won when Bal dealt.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    ¡°I never knew Succubi could give birth. The more ya know, huh?¡±


    The revenant raised his hand slightly, meaning he wanted another card. That¡¯s what Bal loved about idiots. They never fold, always doubled down. Only a fool refused to trust the odds. Bal flicked him a card casually, smiling along with him.


    ¡°She didn¡¯t know she could give birth either. Imagine her surprise when I popped out!¡±


    The revenant chocked on his drink, laughing hard along with Bal.


    ¡°Well, what happened after that then?!¡±


    All attention on the game had been abandoned as the demon was hooked onto Bal¡¯s tale. He was a curiosity among the demon¡¯s, so his story never failed to arrest their interest. Bal gathered himself and dragged out his story telling voice, a skill he had practiced for hours at these tables. It was one of the many skills he needed to fool the most despicable and distrustful creatures in existence.


    ¡°Well, whenever I was born, there was chaos in the palace. One of Azoth¡¯s own succubi had given birth! An impossibility! There were those who believed that I was Azoth¡¯s own, given that it was one of his ¡®personal¡¯ succubi that had given birth. I don¡¯t think I need to tell you, friend, the uproar that would have caused. A mini Azoth walking around. However, all these rumours were put to bed when they decided to actually take a look at me.¡±


    Bal gestured towards his face, pointing out his green eyes and showing off his olive skin. Bal gave a winning smile, all the while dealing himself a card that he knew would win him the game without a doubt.


    ¡°I¡¯m still the same as the day I was born friend; not a demonic trait on me. More human than anything. This, naturally, caused even more chaos in the palace. Azoth, being the great and kind demon that he is, decided to treat me as he would any other human, and threw me into a pit of Hell-fire. Turns out I¡¯m not quite as flammable as they thought.¡±


    The demon chuckled along, despite having just lost a fair amount of marks. Bal gathered in his winnings: the third round he had won in a row. He would have to lose the next one. Build trust. Build hope.


    ¡°I still don¡¯t get it though. You don¡¯t have any horns! You can¡¯t be a demon if you don¡¯t have horns! It¡¯s what make us demons! That and the whole evil thing.¡±


    ¡°Ah very clever, my friend, you have hit upon the crux of the matter! How can a demon have no horns? How could an angel have no wings? A very astute question indeed!¡±


    Bal started shuffling the deck again, making sure that the revenant would have a good hand this time.


    ¡°Indeed, that is why I said I was probably a demon. I was born here, lived here all my life, and yet I¡¯m distinctly undemonic in my appearance. A great mystery, surely. Not even a horn, unless you count what is between my legs!¡±


    The demon¡¯s sickly yellow eyes, already alight with mirth, burned brighter when he looked at his cards. A wicked grin cut across his face, causing some more flesh to drop off. It would grow back eventually, anyway. Bal took a sip of his own drink, hot bubbling liquid spilling down his parched throat. Story telling was thirsty work.


    Bal gazed around the small tavern he had found himself employed at. A small place: it was popular with the lower ranking demons who just wanted to drink and gamble the time away. No high rollers here. He glanced toward the bar, where his gaze found that of the owner¡¯s, Mr. Slazer. He tapped his fingers against his hand, meaning that it was time for Bal to finish up for the night.


    ¡°Seems this will have to be our last round friend. Now where was I, ah yes! So, like I said, if I was born here, to a demon no less, then surely, I should be a demon, yes? And yet, I look nothing like one? So, Azoth the wise, declared that as I should be a demon, then I probably was a demon. A 60 percent chance of demonism, he said. They¡¯ve kept me around ever since. A good luck charm, some called me.¡±


    The barrage of words had defeated the demon¡¯s mental capacity, so it just smiled and nodded, happy to have won a round of cards. Very happy indeed, despite having lost far more in the previous rounds.


    The demon suddenly looked very puzzled about something and leaned over the table as Bal was getting up to go.


    ¡°Hey, Bal? You wouldn¡¯t happen to know anything about scary purple portals that appear out of nowhere, do ya?¡±


    Scary purple port¡­. What was this brain-dead demon talking about now?


    ¡°No. No I don¡¯t think I do know anything about scary purple portals. Why do ya ask?¡±


    Bal asked as he got up to go.


    ¡°Well, because one right there and reaching out to grab you Bal.¡±


    Bal didn¡¯t have time to ask what in the seven hells this fool was talking about before deformed purple hands grabbed a hold of him, pulling him towards the gaping hole into nothingness. The last thing Bal saw was the fool grabbing all Bal¡¯s hard-won marks before he was swallowed whole.

 The Fool - 2

    Two strangers rode into town, horses kicking up clouds of dust as they trotted through the main street. They stabled their horses at the nearest hitching post and headed into to creaking saloon; desperate to escape the midday sun. Desperate to escape what followed in their wake.


    They hauled their saddlebags through the batwing doors. A wave of curiosity passed through the bar as heads slowly turned to examine the newcomers. The noise dipped, but seeing that they were just the average filthy travellers that came and went in this frontier town, the locals carried on as usual.


    One of the travellers stopped, overcome by a hacking cough. She tried to wave away the thick cloud of smoke that lingered. The other bent over to check on her.


    ¡°My lady, we cannot possibly stay in this ¡­¡­¡­. quaint place¡±


    The lady put a hand on the larger man, stopping him from aiding her.


    ¡°Shithole, Cas. I believe you meant to say shithole.¡±


    The man, Cas, grimaced at her language. He did not disagree though.


    ¡°We don¡¯t exactly have much of a bloody choice, Cas. It¡¯s either here, or on the street. And I, for one, prefer the smell of smoke and liquor to that of horse shit and dust. Now come on, get us a room and don¡¯t tell them anything. We don¡¯t know who is listening.¡±


    Once again grimacing at her colourful vocabulary, the man reluctantly nodded.


    ¡°Of course, my lady Ell.¡±


    The large man strode across the bar with the grace of a courtier, eliciting stares from the locals. Ell groaned. If her siblings finally managed to kill her, she was taking this idiot with her. Discretion was apparently not his speciality.


    Doing her best to imitate the strut that she had seen the locals do, she strutted up to the bar and grabbed a stool. Cas had finished paying for a room and was taking their heavy bags up the stair. Ell blew out a sigh and signalled the bar man over.


    ¡°What can get¡¯cha, little missy?¡±


    Ell chucked a silver coin down on the counter.


    ¡°A whiskey is fine. Make it a double.¡±


    After a moments consideration, she continued.


    ¡°Ah fuck it, make it a triple.¡±


    Ell had acquired a taste for whiskey over the course of her journey. Or perhaps, more accurately, she had acquired a taste for getting blackout drunk and forgetting about their journey. She shook her head. Can¡¯t exactly call it a journey if you don¡¯t have a destination, huh?


    The barman didn¡¯t say a word, just wiped a glass and poured her drink from some dusty little bottle. A wide brimmed hat was dropped on the counter beside her, soon followed by a rugged man claiming the stool next to hers. He sat so close that Ell could smell the whiskey and puke that floated along with his breath.Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    ¡°Now what is a pretty little thing like yourself doing in a town like this?¡±


    His lips were curled into a droopy smile as he ran his glazed gaze down Ell¡¯s body, before finally taking a look at her face. His eyes widened in surprise and Ell knew what he was going to say next.


    ¡°Oh ho, ruby red eyes? Don¡¯t see that too often. Where ya from darling?¡±


    His interest had shifted now, and Ell cursed herself for a fool for ever sitting down in the first place.


    ¡°Me and my husband are from a village near the capital. We¡¯ve heard whispers of some mithril being found nearby, you wouldn¡¯t happen to know anything about that would you?¡±


    The lie rolled off her tongue naturally, having used it in every town they had passed through. She gave him a sweet smile while he sat back, defensively.


    ¡°Oh, I wouldn¡¯t know anything about that little missy, you had better ask someone else.¡±


    He shot up out of the chair and strutted back to the group of men he had come in with. Every village idiot and their inbred family had come out to this Gods-forsaken dust hole hoping to make a fortune by finding a mithril mine. Rumours of mithril being found were abound, and each miner protected his lead carefully. They wouldn¡¯t let another steal their chance at a fortune, even if they knew that their lead was most likely bullshit. All this meant that asking was a perfect way to get them to back off, as Ell had discovered.


    Ell sat, sipping at her whiskey. The liquid burned her throat, but it took her mind off her rump, which was aching from days in the saddle. A creak and a whoosh drew her attention to the entrance. A trio of black cloaked men entered the saloon, causing all chatter to come to an abrupt halt. They smiled pleasantly, or at least, it looked like they tried to. The scars and marks on their faces eliminated the possibility of anyone ever describing them as pleasant, and the sharp, twitchy eyes declared them as wolves striding into a flock.


    ¡°Ash and Hell-fire.¡± Ell spat.


    How had they found her so soon? She was sure she had lost them a few towns back. It didn¡¯t matter how though, all that mattered now was that they had. Ell pulled the dust goggles that were perched on her raven black hair over her eyes and got ready to run up the stairs to Cas. A distraction for the trio of hunters was not-so-thankfully provided by an equally looking dangerous pair entering the bar soon after them. This pair was a man and woman dressed in the outfits of the priesthood of Alsius. Ell had no idea why they thought that disguise would work. Priests tended towards the pleasant and chubby, and these two were the exact opposite. A wicked scar ran all the way across the face of the woman, and the man¡¯s hulking muscle strained against the confines of the much too small, and obviously blood stained, vestments.


    The two groups smiled at each other, nodding and saying meaningless pleasantries repeatedly. A perfect distraction which let Ell slip up the stairs unnoticed. Another creak and a whoosh announced the arrival of yet another group, but Ell was already slipping in the door to her room before she could take a look.


    ¡°We have a serious bloody problem, Cas!¡±


    Cas hadn¡¯t unpacked anything and was leaning against the wall, peaking out the window. He wore a very displeased face as he beckoned Ell over.


    ¡°I am aware, my lady. Look. They have been slowly surrounding this establishment for a few minutes now.¡±


    Cas pointed out the window. Outside, the town was still dead silent, but it was now filled with various groups of people. Some sauntered about outside the saloon, trying to look casual, while other stood in circles, laughing loudly and looking around, even though no one seemed to say anything. The more Ell looked, the more she could pick out. A black clad man had climbed his way up into the shade of the second-floor awning of the building opposite, staying perfectly still. Another just simply stood in the centre of the street, absentmindedly batting his club against the dusty ground. This one was enormous, easily reaching seven foot tall. Even from the window, Ell could pick out the marking on his arm, indicating he was a berserker class warrior. Three band surrounded it. A man walked out from the bank a few doors down, looked about, and quickly span around. He sprinted back to his door and slammed it shut. Ell could hear the wooden planks being slammed across the door. It was the only noise in the whole damn town.


    ¡°We are so, so, so incredibly fucked.¡±


    A grumble was the only reply from Cas.

 The Fool - 3

    ¡°What the fuck are we going to do, Cas?¡±


    Ell paced around the room, panic settling in as they were slowly cornered. The assassins sent by her siblings had been hunting them since they escaped the capital, but they have never been in such a hopeless situation. How had they arrived so quickly this time?


    She went over to the window once more and peered out. They were all slowly but surely making their way towards the saloon, except for the one hiding in the shadows and the berserker on the street. Those two seemed content to let the others flush out the prey. Perhaps they were confident they could kill the rest of the hunters and claim the prize for themselves. That was not a comforting thought.


    ¡°At least they seem more interested in hiding from each other than rushing at us, for the moment at least.¡± Ell muttered.


    Indeed, the groups of assassins seemed much warier of each other than their supposed targets. They held their hands at their sides, hovering over their sheaths. The whole town was locked into a tense standoff, the first to draw their blade would ignite the explosive situation. For now, they all edged towards the saloon, eyes darting about.


    Cas stood up and drew his enormous five-foot blade, twirling it in the light.


    ¡°My Lady, I shall draw them off. You must flee!¡±


    Cas¡¯s eyes lit up at the thought of a heroic death, honourably defending his liege while cutting down swarms of assassins. The fool¡¯s only desire seemed to be to die in the most spectacular fashion, leaving Ell to fend for herself.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be daft. That berserker would crush you before you made your final heroic quip, and then he would come in here and crush me too. Just look at him, he probably crushes skulls as a bloody hobby! He has three bands Cas! What is a two band knight and a summoner going to do against that!¡±


    Ell finished off her rant, and Cas looked suitably chastised. Or was he just disappointed that he wouldn¡¯t be able to die heroically today? Bastard.


    ¡°So, what then, my Lady? I can see no way out of this.¡±


    Ell picked up her pacing, urging her mind to concentrate. What could she do? She was just an amateur summoner. She hadn¡¯t even contracted any beasts to fight for her yet. She could summon her horse and her pet dog, but that was it. She had never expected to need a beast to kill someone. That wasn¡¯t what princesses did! They ate cakes, looked pretty and spread rumours destroying the reputations of courtly ladies, losing them everything! She didn¡¯t actually kill people, they just ended up dead sometimes! This was so unfair.


    Elle shook her head to clear the rampant thoughts clogging her attention and focused on the task at hand. So, she was surrounded by deadly assassins with no clear escape route. She could summon a horse to escape, but they would catch up quickly. She had Cas, but one knight wasn¡¯t going to be able to fight against these odds, no matter how brave. She needed to something to even those odds. Something powerful. Something¡­¡­.


    ¡°Cas, I have an idea, but you are really not going to like it.¡±


    Cas¡¯s eyes lit up again with hope.


    ¡°You have changed your mind about me sacrificing myself?¡±


    Cas tried to speak in a controlled manner, but his giddiness leaked through regardless. Why did she get stuck with a knight with a death wish? Her siblings had such loyal and strong protectors, whereas all of hers but Cas had been bought off and attempted to chuck her into the river while she slept. Why they didn¡¯t just stab her she would never understand. Perhaps they didn¡¯t want to get their precious cloaks stained with blood.


    ¡°No Cas, you aren¡¯t getting away from me that easily. What I meant was that I intended to summon a ¡­¡­¡­. demon.¡± Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    Cas drew back with a melodramatic gasp.


    ¡°Princess! Surely you jest! It is forbidden to summon a demon! They are vile horrible creatures that would surely slaughter us just as those assassins would!¡±


    ¡°Have you ever met a demon, Cas?¡± Ell retorted


    ¡°Well of course not, my Lady! How could you accuse me of cavorting with those abominations!¡±


    ¡°Well then how do you know they are all evil vile creatures? Surely you would have had to meet one to judge it so?¡± Ell asked. This took the wind out of Cas¡¯s sails momentarily as he seemed to be befuddled as to why Ell was defending them so. He eventually found the right words to continue.


    ¡°The holy scripts, my Lady! The records of all those brave souls who have been sent by the gods to defeat them when they infect this world! All their evil deeds are recorded there!¡±


    ¡°Ah, but good and evil is just a matter of perspective, surely?¡±


    ¡°The records say they invented a sport using orphans heads as the ball!¡±


    ¡°Okay! I get it! They are twisted shits! I¡¯m just trying to save our assess Cas! Who cares if the demon defiles a few assassins and hicks?! It¡¯ll probably get its skull crushed by that human shaped demon berserker out there anyway!¡±


    Ell breathed deep, trying to calm herself. She was panicking, she knew it, but she couldn¡¯t stop it. She didn¡¯t know if it was even possible for her to summon a demon in the first place. She had glanced over the hidden records in her father¡¯s library, but never took a serious interest. Her memory was boosted by her progress along the summoner path, but she could only faintly remember the summoning spell. Her mind kept throwing in details from other spells she had half read long ago. She wished she could go back in time just to smack some sense into her younger self.


    ¡°We have to try it, Cas. I can¡¯t see another way out. I¡¯ll try to summon a weak one, we can use it as a distraction to escape!¡±


    Cas grumbled, the only indication of the fierce clash in his mind between his faith and his desire to protect her. Or maybe a clash between his desire to be maimed and protecting her? The protecting Ell side eventually overcame the enemy and Cas nodded his assent, obviously not being able to bring himself to say anything.


    ¡°Now, watch the door and don¡¯t say a word. Not a peep. I¡¯m going to need all my concentration so that I don¡¯t mess this up.¡±


    What Ell wanted to say was that she needed all her attention so that she didn¡¯t catastrophically fuck up and drag them all to hell, but she figured saying that wouldn¡¯t help calm their nerves. She called what she could remember to the forefront of her mind. It wasn¡¯t much. There was a passage about a ritual she had to perform and a chant to accompany it, but her younger self had only been interested in certain parts, like sections of the spell circle and the stranger phrases in the chant. She guessed what the complete summoning circle should look like and began drawing it on the wooden floor with the chalk she carried with her. She scribbled this way and that, every noise from downstairs making her hand shake with nerves.


    She finished off and stood up. It was a chaotic mess. Some parts were drawn with drawn with all the care of an educated lady of the court, while others looked like a mad woman had scratched at the floor with her overgrown nails. Demons would appreciate a bit of madness, right? She drew her small knife and sliced her thumb, dribbling blood onto the circle.


    ¡°My Lady, I believe someone is heading up the stairs.¡± Cas whispered.


    Ell decided that was good enough and wrapped her thumb in some bandage from the saddle bags. Now for the chant.


    ¡°By Azoth, Baloth, Lucius and eh¡­¡­ the rest of the seven lords of hell! I plead to thee, aid me! Bind one of thine children to me! Blood for blood! Hocus pocus? Ala¡­¡­¡­.


    ¡°My Lady, they are getting closer!¡± Cas shouted, breaking Ell¡¯s concentration.


    ¡°You colossal idiot! By Alsius¡¯s hammer, I told you to shut up! Now we are all fucked!¡±


    A purple energy began bubbling up from the floor, building up into a door that looked to be made of disembodied monstrous hands. The door swung open, revealing an empty swirling void into nothingness. A speck appeared in the void, rapidly coming closer. It grew and grew until Ell could just make out a man, right before he came flying out. He flew across the ground and smashed into the wall beside Ell, opening a hole to the room next to theirs. He groaned and began to sit up green eyes fluttering open. He looked around disorientated, before settling his gaze on Ell.


    He certainly didn¡¯t look like a demon. In fact, he looked like one of the pretty boys from the court who used to occupy her days. It made Ell irrationally dislike the newcomer.


    ¡°They heard that. Oh, they definitely heard that! Ell, hurry!¡± Cas said from the door.


    Even if he wasn¡¯t a demon, surely, he could still help them. Besides, he was in this together with them now. He was just as screwed as they were if those assassins reached them. Ell leaned over him and offered him a hand.


    ¡°Please, help us!¡± she pleaded.


    The man-demon thing looked bemused by the words and the offered hand, but then a wicked smile spread over his face. He spat on his hand and then took hers, shaking it.


    ¡°Hello Ell, I am Bal. With this, the contract is sealed.¡±


    The demon broke out into a laugh spliced with coughs, and Ell realised she had just done something incredibly stupid. If only she knew what.

 The Fool - 4

    Bal screamed till his throat burned, the noise fading into the infinite void. The strange purple hands were dragging him through this place, intent on reaching a destination he could not see. With his throat aching and the initial shock wearing off, Bal eventually calmed down. The void, surprisingly, wasn¡¯t that bad. In fact, it was quite pleasant. Bal, of course, only had Hell top compare it with. Still, it was a remarkable improvement. There was no noise. No demons. No anything. Bal found himself relaxing for the first time in a long, long while. Who knew eternal nothingness could be so ¡­¡­. wonderful?


    Unfortunately, growing up under Azoth¡¯s tyrannical rule, Bal knew that all good things met a horrible and painful end eventually. Bal¡¯s prediction came true when he saw that some of the hands that had been guiding him through the void had shot on ahead, and where gathering together. Bal hurtled towards the object, which he thought was another portal, like the one he had passed though in Hell. He could just barely make out a brown room and some sort of creature standing there, right before he was ejected out of the blissful void.


    Bal flew across the room, smashing into something hard. Senses disorientated, he flailed around, holding back the queasiness rising from the pits of his stomach. His head ached like a behemoth had decided to play orphan-ball with it.


    Once his brain recalled how eyes functioned, he managed to wrench his eyelids open and take account of the situation he hadn¡¯t expected to find himself in. The room was surprisingly like the ones that could be found in the tavern he worked at in Azoth¡¯s domain, except the rooms back home were made from stone; stone floors, stone walls, stone beds. This room however, it seemed to be made from what Bal guessed was wood. It startled him to see so much wood in one place. It just didn¡¯t exist in Hell, apart from in Azoth¡¯s personal collection of rarities that he had snuck into once.


    Beyond the marvel of being wooden, the room quite average: it had two small beds and a window showing a clear blue sky. Hold on. Blue sky? It finally dawned on Bal that he was most certainly not in Hell anymore. The mortal world then? How the fuck did he end up here?


    His answer came in the shape of what he presumed was a human. She stared at him with ruby red eyes that made Bal a bit envious. She looked more demonic than he did! Another human, this one large and dark skinned shouted at her from the door.


    ¡°They heard that. Oh, they definitely heard that! Ell, hurry!¡±


    Oh, they were speaking Arathian? Well, that narrowed down Bal¡¯s location from somewhere in the mortal plane to somewhere on the Arathian continent at least. And who was Ell? The large one must have been referring to the small girl who was now approaching him.


    Bal took another look around the room and spotted the drawing on the floor for the first time. It seemed like a revenant had shoved chalk up his ass and scooted around on the floor. The revenant ass-art almost looked like a summoning circle. Blood had been dribbled in a strange pattern over it and ¡­.. oh. This was a summoning circle, well, it was an attempt at one. A colossally screwed-up attempt that had some how managed to drag him here.


    The small human had reached him now, a look of panicked desperation contorting her face. She leaned over and offered Bal her pale white hand.


    ¡°Please, help us!¡± she pleaded.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    Bal was baffled. This wasn¡¯t how a summoning was supposed to go. The gaggle of succubi that had raised him and told him all about their travels to the mortal plane. The summoner was supposed to have some sort of contract drawn up! A summoner only called upon a demon to perform a specific task and laid down all sorts of rules on conduct in the contract. A demon would naturally agree to the contract to escape the confines of Hell for a time, but they would try to find some loophole that let them cause havoc. This whole situation was so unprofessional!


    A wicked smile spread across Bal¡¯s face. This summoner was a queen amongst fools. Bal adored fools. It was stretching a bit, but he figured that asking him to help them and offering her hand could be considered a verbal contract. They were just as valid and binding as a written one, but so much more delicious. Bal spat on his palm and grabbed the proffered hand.


    ¡°Hello Ell, I am Bal. With this, the contract is sealed.¡±


    A cackle and a cough forced their way up his throat. Bal couldn¡¯t help it. The little fool had the most precious look on her face; she was horrified, but she was confused as to why. Bal rose and brushed off the wood splinters and dust from his suit.


    ¡°So, Miss Ell, what can I help you with today?¡±


    Ell took a few seconds to recover, looking completely befuddled by the interaction.


    ¡°Eh, well you see, Bal, was it?¡±


    Bal nodded, smiling calmly. It always messed with his fellow demons¡¯ minds when he acted calm in bizarre situations, and it seemed to be working her as well. Ell sighed and let down her guarded demeanour for a second, before coming to her senses and backing off a step. Never wise to put your guard down near a demon.


    ¡°Well, Bal, we have a certain situation where we could use your ¡­¡­ demonic expertise.¡±


    She raised her pitch when saying demonic, making it sound more like a question than a statement. She didn¡¯t believe he was a demon. Bal said nothing. Keep them guessing. Keep them confused. It was much more fun this way.


    ¡°My lady, I believe I hear them getting closer!¡±


    ¡°Shut it, Cas! I¡¯m trying to bargain with a Gods damned demon here!¡± Ell shouted back.


    She turned to face Bal again, recovering from the outburst and slapping a polite smile on. Bal fought against his widening grin. This was going to be more fun than he thought.


    ¡°So, Bal. Great and mighty and demonic Bal. We beseech you, aid us!¡±


    Bal wandered over to the window while she was making her plea. The world outside was strange. It was a dusty little town, all the buildings built with wood. A line of houses ran opposite the saloon, forming a sandy street between the two rows. More humans bumbled about outside. The quiet was peculiar. Did humans always stand about saying nothing, or did he hit the jackpot and find himself in a town full of fools? No, Bal realised, these humans weren¡¯t just standing about for no reason. They watched the saloon like beholder-demons, glancing at each other nervously. One of them who was the size of a tyrant demon, simply stood in the middle of the street smiling patiently. Bal had a bad feeling about him. He looked like he would crush Bal¡¯s skull for fun.


    ¡°Hmmm, this situation, it wouldn¡¯t happen to be anything to do with the rather large number of dangerous men surrounding this building, would it?¡±


    ¡°It might¡±


    ¡°Ah, and may I presume they are here for the two of you?¡±


    ¡°You may.¡±


    ¡°And, if you still insist on me guessing rather than simply telling me the problem, you want me to fight these men while you escape?¡±


    That last jab provoked an irritated frown from the girl, but she reigned it in quickly.


    ¡°Yes, we were hoping to make use of a demon¡¯s great strength to fight our way out, but we may have to rethink that now.¡±


    Oh, feisty, and easily provoked too. Bal loved it when a fool fought back. It was adorable.


    ¡°Yes, I don¡¯t quite fancy going up against Mr. Skull Crusher down there. I fear I will have to turn down your request to fight our way out.¡±


    Ell groaned and dropped any pretence of formality.


    ¡°It is just like me to summon the most useless demon in existence. We are so screwed.¡±


    Bal laughed at that.


    ¡°Now hold on miss, just because I can¡¯t help you fight your way out, doesn¡¯t mean I can¡¯t help you get out. Lucky for you, I have a nice little plan.¡±


    A nice little plan indeed. It was time to do what he did best. Dazzle and baffle. This was going to be fun.

 The Fool - 5

    ¡°If you don¡¯t mind me assuming, Miss, I¡¯d like to say that all those dangerous men out there don¡¯t want the other dangerous men to know that they are here to kill you.¡±


    ¡°I believe so, yes. You see, my siblings¡­..¡±


    Bal shushed her. He didn¡¯t need to know the little details. He didn¡¯t particularly care either. Bal just needed to know that his plan could work. Ell apparently didn¡¯t like being told to shut up, as she folded her arms and mumbled something about ¡®demon prettyboy¡¯ under her breath. Bal wasn¡¯t sure what a prettyboy was, but he took it as a compliment.


    From Bal¡¯s estimation, this whole situation was like a whole barrel of Brim-powder. It just needed one little light, and then, kaboom! Bal just needed something to ignite it¡­¡­


    ¡°My lady, we need to move, now! Demon, if you have a plan, I would ask that you do it already!¡± Cas spat from his position at the door.


    Bal¡¯s acute hearing picked up the sound of light footsteps, creeping toward the door. The large one was right, now wasn¡¯t the time to bully the small one. He had people to trick and obfuscate. He hastily stripped out of his suit and began handed the various items of clothing to Ell, who stood as if struck.


    ¡°What the hell do you think you are doing¡± She hissed


    ¡°Stripping¡±


    ¡°Well yes, I can bloody well see that! Why?!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s all a part of the plan dear. AND that suit was expensive, I don¡¯t want it to get dirty. Protect it with your life.¡±


    Bal winked at her before pointing towards the smashed section of wall that his grand entrance had produced.


    ¡°Large friend, if you would be a dear and get to the other side of that room. You look pretty tough, you should be able to break through the walls. They seem flimsy, I mean, I know they are flimsy. My head broke through one. Once you hear the signal, break through the back wall and out the back of this building. I¡¯ll find you two later.¡±


    Cas moaned and fussed about taking orders from an ¡®unholy abomination¡¯ but he still did what Bal asked, dragging the saddlebags along with him.


    ¡°Ah, one moment, I need to borrow a dress. If you don¡¯t mind, Miss.¡±


    Bal didn¡¯t wait to hear an answer from the reddening Ell before he grabbed a garish pink dress from the bags. Bal ushered them out of the room, uncaring of Ell¡¯s protests.


    Now that the humans were out of the way, the real fun could begin. Bal felt a giddiness build in his stomach. He felt so light he could float away into the blue sky. It was always this way for Bal in those calm moments before a chaotic situation; he felt as though he could do anything. Luck was on his side. Fate favoured him.


    He heard the creak of a floor board just outside the room. Showtime. Bal scrambled to throw the much too small dress over his head, tearing it at the seams as he did so. He was halfway through putting it on when the door opened. A couple wearing holy vestments peered in while exchanging meaningless pleasantries with the trio of black cloaked men with them. They also dropped their pleasant smiles and looked in the room, hands drawing hidden knives.Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    ¡°AGH PERVERTS! RAPISTS!¡± Bal screamed in his best imitation of one his succubi mothers, barely controlling his giggle as he did so.


    The assassins had not expected a half-naked man in a dress that failed to cover his genitals to be in the room, and they most certainly hadn¡¯t expected said man to charge at them. Bal screeched as he charged into one of the false priests, ramming into him and crashing into the banister that was opposite the door. The force of the man and the probably demon was too much for the hastily crafted banister, and it splintered quickly. Bal and the assassin fell, crashing into a table on the floor below. The sound of the assassin¡¯s knife clanking to the floor sliced through the quiet of the bar easily. The tension was palpable. No one knew what was happening. Hands went to sheaths. Eyes darted to enemies. This pervert in a dress wasn¡¯t their target. The whole bar rested on a knife¡¯s edge. Bal just needed to give it a little shove.


    ¡°ASSASSIN! THIS MAN IS AN ASSASSIN!¡± Bal screeched.


    Chaos erupted to the chorus of metal scraping against metal. Every assassin in the building drew their blade, charging at each other. Bal span off the table, collecting the knife dropped by his priest friend. He drove it into the neck of a man sitting at the bar and mantled over the counter, ducking to avoid a knife being thrown in his direction.


    The barman was cowering down beside him, hands over his hand and shaking as if there was an earthquake. Bal grabbed a bottle of whiskey, downing half the contents before offering it to the man. He stared at Bal, but still grabbed the whiskey, finishing it off. Bal grabbed another bottle and tore a bit of his already shredded dress. He soaked it in the foul-smelling alcohol.


    ¡°Got a light, friend?¡± Bal smiled at his cowering buddy.


    Still in shock, the man reached into his pocket, hands shaking as he drew his match box. Bal snatched it off him and struck a match, holding it then to the dirty rag.


    ¡°Sorry about this, friend, but needs must unfortunately.¡±


    Bal giggled as he jumped up, launching his bottle at the trio of black cloaked assassins who were fending off a group of five small green men. Small, green and very flammable men apparently. Their tiny screams irritated Bal¡¯s sensitive ears as the fire spread across their skin. The small creatures surprised Bal then, as they leapt on to the men in black, spreading the fire to them as well.


    Someone screamed ¡®YOU!¡¯, and Bal turned just in time to see a woman in holy vestments fly over the bar. Bal jumped back and landed on the floor as the woman misjudged her trajectory and collided with shelves full of bottles, causing an avalanche of glass upon her. Despite glass shards digging deep into her skin, she still managed to pick herself; just in time to see a broken bottle dig into her neck. Bal let go of the bottle as the woman dropped dead, blood fountaining from the wound.


    Bal took a moment to stand back and admire his handy work. The bar was quickly catching fire as those mini men scampered about, trying to extinguish the flames on them but only managing to make things worse. Small groups of assassins and hunters still fought, crossbow bolts flying and knives finding necks.


    The smoke grew heavy and Bal decided it was about damn time he made his daring escape. Taking one of the last in tact bottles of whiskey with him, he ducked and dived between the men, tumbling out the saloon doors, he rolled around in the dirt to put out the flames on his pretty dress. A shadow darkened his vision and he looked up. And up. And up. Mr. Skull Crusher was staring down at him with a blank expression.


    As Bal picked himself off the ground, the monster grabbed his face and stared at his eyes for a few seconds before sighing and letting go.


    ¡°Green not red, hmmmmmmm¡± The man mumbled, any interest in Bal lost in an instant.


    Bal took the opportunity to scramble away from the monster. He ran around the saloon, hoping to meet up with his summoner, but an arm appeared before him as he turned a corner. Bal crashed into it, landing hard on his ass. A meaty fist collided with his nose, knocking him out cold.

 The Fool - 6

    For the second time that day, Bal¡¯s head cried in protest at the abuse it had received as he slowly returned to consciousness. He was met with a splash of foul smelling liquid, which wrenched his eyelids open once more. A rat-faced man was chittering away making a noise which Bal assumed was supposed to be laughter. The man slammed the jail cell door shut, leaving Bal to become reacquainted with the waking world.


    ¡°Finally awake, demon?¡± said a voice from the corner of the cramped stone cell. Bal turned to find the large human was lying on one of the cots, staring daggers at Bal. What was his name again? Cap? Cat? No, that was a small animal, wasn¡¯t it? It didn¡¯t really matter anyway, Bal supposed.


    ¡°So, our gracious hosts have let us buddies share a room then, friend?¡± Bal laughed as he stretched out on the cot opposite.


    ¡°Damn demon! We are in a jail, you fool!¡±


    Bal struggled to contain the sigh that was fighting to break free. Some people just didn¡¯t get sarcasm. This large one was far too serious.


    ¡°How did you end up here anyway, friend? I thought you¡¯d be far, far away from here by now.¡±


    ¡°The sheriff caught us trying to ride out of town. Bastard.¡± A voice croaked from the cell opposite Bal¡¯s. Seems that the small one was here as well.


    Bal hadn¡¯t expected to see the pair of buffoons again. Shouldn¡¯t they have been able to escape easily in the confusion? He could have been free to spread misery as he pleased on the mortal plane, and maybe, finally earn his horns, but fate had conspired to join him to his summoner again. Perhaps the verbal contract had bonded them tighter than he had first thought.


    ¡°She meant to say that we were caught stealing horses.¡± Grumbled the large one under his breath, retreating further into the corner of his cot.


    Bal caught a glimpse of ruby red eyes glare at the large one, making him retreat even further.


    ¡°Can¡¯t you get us out of here Bal? You seem, ah, used to this kind of situation.¡± Ell asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m dreadfully sorry Miss, anything that might be useful here is in my suit that I gave to you.¡±


    Bal smiled but some of his annoyance slipped past his guard. The thought of his nice new suit and his favourite deck of cards being in the hands of that giggling rat-faced bastard irritated Bal greatly. An itch began on his arm and he absentmindedly scratched at it as he turned to Ell.


    ¡°You are a summoner of some sort, are you not? That must mean you walk the path of logic and reason? Surely someone of your great intelligence has some sort of idea to get out?¡±


    Bal already knew she was a pathetic summoner, she certainly didn¡¯t seem to show any of the characteristics of someone who walked the path of logic and reason, but he couldn¡¯t resist the small jab. It worked wonders as her face went the same colour as her eyes.


    ¡°I used all up all my mana summoning you, you useless demon thing? Bloody fool, what even are you?! You look nothing like a demon! Aren¡¯t demons supposed to have horns and such? Why don¡¯t you? You look just like a regular human!¡±


    Bal ignored her barrage questions entirely. He didn¡¯t want to talk about his lack of horns to a dumb human. Her asking just pissed him off further, and that damn itch on his arm! Annoyed, he turned to his next target, the large one.


    ¡°And you, friend, surely someone walking the path of strength should be able to break open these stone walls easily?¡±


    Truthfully, Bal had only a vague idea how the paths these humans walked worked. One of his demon pals had said that there was three of them; strength, logic and swiftness. His pal had then proceeded to get disastrously drunk and his story tapered off without adding any more details. Bal had nicked his coin pouch and thought nothing of that night till now. Bal only hoped that his ignorance would irritate these humans. Unfortunately, the large one was not as easily provoked.


    ¡°What would you know of the sacred path, demon? You are correct that I walk the path of strength, but what makes you think I can punch through stone?¡± He rolled up his shirt sleeve to show Bal a marking of a sword with two rings of a spiral circling it.


    ¡°I walk the path of the knight, but I have only achieved two bands. So, no, demon, I cannot achieve the level of strength you are suggesting.¡±


    Bal had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Had his pal said something about different routes on the sacred paths? Something about knights, and berserkers? There were others, but Bal couldn¡¯t remember. Not that it mattered, Bal had failed to irritate Ca-something with his questions.


    ¡°Hey, don¡¯t ignore me! What the seven hells are you, Bal? Are you a demon?¡±


    ¡°Probably.¡±


    ¡°Probably?¡±


    ¡°Yes; Probably. I¡¯m so glad you understand Miss; your intelligence is clearly far above anyone else¡¯s I have had to explain this to.¡±


    Ell stuttered, looking pleased at the compliment but frustrated at the answer. Bal was too tired to explain the intricacies of his origins anymore today; he already had to go over the whole story three times today. The large one persisted though.


    ¡°Explain yourself you probably demon! How can you be probably a demon?¡± he hissed with righteous fury.


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s at least a sixty percent chance that I am a demon, so the odds say that I am probably a demon. Satisfied friend?¡±


    The large one¡¯s face contorted in a shockingly similar manner to that of the revenant¡¯s from earlier, much to Bal¡¯s amusement. The itch on Bal¡¯s arm was getting worse, so he raised his arm to the dim evening light coming through the barred window.


    ¡°There is a chance you aren¡¯t a demon? What are you then? How did I even summon you? Oh, this is such a mess.¡± Ell groanedSupport the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    Bal barely heard the question. He was staring at the offending arm, as a small image of a card had appeared there, like a tattoo. For the first time in his life, Bal was at a loss for words. The card looked exactly like on the cards from his special deck; the fool. It was almost identical; it had the image of a prancing man in garish cloths painted in vibrant colours, but there was a rather glaring inaccuracy. The cards in his special deck were all faceless, blank from the neck up. This one had had an olive coloured face with sparking green eyes painted on ¡­¡­. It had his face. By all seven demon lords, it had his face painted on it.


    Very few people had a complete deck of those cards, and even fewer knew how to play the game asociated with them. That had made Bal determined to know everything about them. Strangely, no matter how hard he looked, he never managed to find out where they had come from. Even Azoth wasn¡¯t aware of their origin. They simply existed. So how one had managed to end up on his arm, with his face on it, was beyond even Bal¡¯s imagination.


    Bal was so distracted he hadn¡¯t even sensed the approach of the rat-man again. This time he brought a well-built man. This new comer strutted up to Bal¡¯s cell, frowning at the butt naked demon.


    ¡°Rat-face! By the Gods man, why is he still naked?!¡±


    The rat-faced man scampered off and brought Bal¡¯s suit with him, muttering apologies before running away again. The well-built man tossed Bal¡¯s suit onto the dirty cell floor, much to Bal¡¯s dismay.


    ¡°Mind giving me a name, friend? Seems rude to be naked in front of a man without knowing his name.¡± Bal remarked as he dusted off his clothes and put them on.


    ¡°I¡¯m Sheriff Danielson boy. You know why we locked you up?¡±


    ¡°Because I burned down the saloon?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, ¡®cause you burned, wait, what? You were the one who burned down the saloon?!¡±


    ¡°Ah, no? Hold on, what was I arrested for?¡±


    ¡°Public indecency boy! One of my deputies said he saw a pervert wearing half a dress leaping about in the saloon. He ran here right away to tell me! Now, who the hell burned down the saloon?!¡±


    ¡°The fire did.¡±


    ¡°The fire di¡­¡­. Agh! Bloody naked fool! Rat-face, where¡¯s my crossbow!¡±


    The sheriff left the jail and Ell shoved her face into her hands, groaning about how ¡®we are all going to die¡¯. Bal was too distracted by his new tattoo to care. It started to shine with a strange glow. Hesitantly, Bal reached out to touch it. A bizarre feeling of something momentous happening washed over Bal. He opened his eyes nervously, realising that he was holding something. It was a card. No. It was the card. It was the bloody same card that was on his arm. For what Bal hoped would be the last time, he was left speechless once more.


    The sheriff returned holding an odd little crossbow that had a cylinder holding six bolts attached to it. He raised it and aimed for Bal, who slowly raised his arms over his head. The sheriff caught sight of the shiny card in Bal¡¯s hand and gestured for him to come closer.


    ¡°Where did you get that card boy? Looks expensive. Give it here.¡±


    Reluctantly, Bal handed over the card. The sheriff reached out to grab, but as soon as he touched it, it vanished with a glow, leaving nothing but air. The sheriff stumble back, dazed.


    ¡°Wha-what was I doing again?¡±


    ¡°You were letting us all go free, friend, you have real criminals to catch.¡± Bal said sarcastically. He was barely thinking about what he was saying, all attention on the mystery of the vanishing card. Bal was thankfully not speechless this time, but he was close. This made less and less sense the more he saw.


    ¡°Yeah, yeah of course. I gotta go find who set the saloon on fire. You¡¯re no real criminal¡± The sheriff mumbled as he jangled his key ring, picking out the right one and unlocking the cell door.


    Bal slid out of the unlocked door, soon followed by the large one as the sheriff went to unlock Ell¡¯s cell. The sheriff turned to face Bal again, eyes glazed over. He was mumbling as though he was half asleep. Bal wasn¡¯t sure how to proceed, but he decided to try his luck again.


    ¡°That¡¯s a nice little crossbow you got there, friend, mind if I take a look?¡±


    The sheriff smiled absently as he handed over the crossbow.


    ¡°That there is a bolt repeater; fastest firing crossbow on the frontier. Enchanted by them path of logic folk to reload by itself. The little cylinder there holds six bolts.¡±


    Ell, confused about what was happening, decided to take advantage of the sheriff¡¯s change of tune.


    ¡°How dare you lock up a princess you sister-loving shit! I demand an apology!¡±


    Much to everyone¡¯s surprise, the sheriff mumbled out an official sounding apology. Seeing her chance, Ell took it a step further.


    ¡°A mere ¡®I¡¯m sorry¡¯ shall not suffice for this appalling treatment!¡±


    A wicked grin spread across Ell¡¯s face. Bal knew she was about to say something incredible stupid to heal her wounded pride.


    ¡°You may kiss my feet as a proper apology¡±


    The sheriff looked like he was actually going to do it, but something flashed behind his eyes and they began to clear. Shaking off whatever had come over him, he reached out to smack Ell.


    ¡°Why you little bitch! What the hell did you do to me?!¡±


    The sheriff never got to close to Ell as the large one charged in and sucker punched him, knocking him out cold. Cas turned to check on Ell, and she had at least the decency to look a bit ashamed about what her pride had done.


    ¡°Gods, thanks Cas! What the hell just happened?¡±


    Ahh Cas, that was it. Silly name that. Too much like Cat; it was confusing. Bal looked at the little crossbow in his hand, unsure what to do with. He checked the sheriff¡¯s unconscious from, finding a holster for it wrapped around his waist, along with a bag filled with bolts.


    ¡°I believe it was this demon¡¯s fault, my Lady. He put some sort of demonic spell on the sheriff!¡±


    Now that Bal was taking stuff from the sheriff, he figured he might as well take his hat. It was a nice hat; wide brimmed. It would shade his eyes nicely.


    ¡°What did you do to the man, Bal? How did you get him to let us out?¡±


    The sheriff had a lovely duster as well. Might need to wash it though. It would be good to have something to protect his suit from all this damn dust.


    ¡°Bal!¡±


    Bal finally looked up, seeing Ell standing with her hands on her hips, looking impatiently at him. Cas still had that look of poorly hidden disgust on his face, but it seemed to have lessened in its severity. Only slightly though.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be honest Miss, I have no idea what happened. I gave him a card and he started agreeing with me. Now don¡¯t give me that look Miss. Not you too, Cas! Honestly, friends, I have no idea what happened. I¡¯m not lying!¡±


    Despite the obvious suspicion that Ell and Cas had, Bal was telling the truth. He really had no idea what had happened. He looked at his arm again, seeing that the card was still there. It was faded, but it looked like it was slowly growing back. Creepy.


    ¡°But you know what the wise say: ¡®Don¡¯t waste an opportunity when its handed to you!¡¯. Might I suggest that we make a timely escape?¡±


    ¡°The demon is correct this time, my lady. I say we make haste and leave this awful town. The sheriff¡¯s horse along with his deputies¡¯ horse should be hitched outside. I suggest we, ah, acquire them.¡±


    Bal hadn¡¯t expected that from the big fella; he seemed so against thievery just moments before. Perhaps it was the sheriff trying to hit his little girlfriend that changed his tone. Well, it worked in Bal¡¯s favour, so who was he to question it?


    Emerging from the sheriff¡¯s office, grabbing their saddlebags and other valuable looking items on the way out, they found that Cas was right. Three horses were hitched there, already saddled and ready to go.


    ¡°I¡¯m all for stealing things, friends, but what happened to the horses you came here on? I assume you didn¡¯t walk to this town.¡±


    The two humans exchanged a look but said nothing. Ell blushed and turned away, leaving Bal very confused. If something embarrassing had happened to their horses during their escape from the saloon, damn it, he needed to know! How was he supposed to torment them if they didn¡¯t tell him all their secrets!


    Ell quickly mounted the horse and took off, leaving a trail of dust clouds for Bal and Cas to follow in. They pushed their horses to a gallop and the little town soon faded into the dusty distance at their backs.

 The Fool - 7

    Ell slowed her horse to a trot, bringing it into a clear piece of land. A good enough place to make camp. Another cold night under the stars. Bloody assassins. She could have been passed out drunk in a bed by now.


    ¡°Fuck off stars. You too, moon.¡±


    Bal and Cas soon entered the clearing. Cas looked as uncomfortable as one would expect a faithful knight would be in the presence of a demon, if that was what Bal was. Bal prattled on about how to play a certain card game invented in Hell, unheeding of his companion¡¯s discomfort. As soon as Cas spotted Ell in the dim moonlight, he jumped off his horse and marched straight up to her.


    ¡°My Lady, that abomination has performed it¡¯s duty. It is about time for you to send it away.¡±


    Ell¡¯s eye twitched at Cas¡¯s commanding tone. Seems like Bal had fried a few of his nerves as well. She agreed with him though, it was about time to send this irritating pest away. Even now, he was standing, staring at them, an innocent smile on his lips. Ell ignored him for now, ordering Cas to set about building a camp fire. Her protector fell back into his usual obedient self, going about the task with gusto.


    Ell took a short log out from her bag and placed it into the centre of the circle of stones Cas had set down. Channelling some of her mana into the enchanter engravings on it, the log began to spit out a small fire. When she looked up from her task, she found Bal still staring at her, a glimmer in his eyes; as though he was laughing at some unspoken joke.


    She stood up straight and addressed him with all the authority a princess could manage.


    ¡°Bal the demon, you have performed the act we called you here for. You are herby banished by from whence you came!¡±


    That sounded regal enough, didn¡¯t it? Bal¡¯s innocent smile died on his face and he slid onto his knees before Ell, pleading.


    ¡°Oh no, Mistress! Please don¡¯t send me back great one! I can still be of some small use, I¡¯m sure!¡±


    Despite his begging, that damn glimmer was still dancing in his eyes. The bastard was mocking her. Ell¡¯s temper exploded, and she screamed


    ¡°BEGONE YOU BASTARD!¡±


    An unholy screech blasted from Bal¡¯s throat. Ell clamped her ears as he fell to the ground, wailing and flailing, kicking up great clouds of dust. His scream echoed far into the dark wasteland. Ell turned to see Cas standing in shock, looking as bewildered as she felt. Unsure what to do, Cas carefully approached the convulsing demon.


    Bal¡¯s screaming faded into hoarse wails. His spasms stopped and soon he lay there quietly, unmoving. The night went deadly quiet. Cas had frozen where he stood.


    Bal was supposed to be banished, not murdered. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.


    ¡°Hehe¡±


    Did Cas just giggle? Bal was an irritating bastard but, she didn¡¯t feel like laughing at that.  Ell looked at him, just to find him staring back at her, a question hanging in the air. If he hadn¡¯t laughed then-


    ¡°Pfffth hahaha ahhhh I¡¯m sorry friends; that was far too good an opportunity.¡±


    Bal rolled over, laughing. It seemed he was both alive and still here to annoy her. What the sweet fuck was going on?


    ¡°Ah, you look very confused Miss. Have you not read the contract?¡±


    ¡°The contract?¡±


    ¡°Yes, the contract.¡±


    They stared at each other for a few moments, Bal not seeing to fit to continue his explanation and Ell not willing to ask again. Cas snapped out of his daze and came to her rescue.


    ¡°What contract do you speak of demon? I do not believe my Lady agreed to anything upon your summoning.¡±


    ¡°Sure she did.¡±


    ¡°And what, pray tell, might have that been?¡±


    ¡°What would¡¯ve what have been?¡±


    Veins popped on Cas¡¯s forehead as he roared in frustration. He charged at Bal, throwing wild swings with his fists.


    ¡°You are going to wish you had died there, demon!¡±


    Bal nimbly ducked and swerved around Cas¡¯s uncoordinated swings, laughing all the while.


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t try and kill me, friend, lest you want harm to befall the lovely Miss Ell.¡±


    That snapped Cas out of his rage, but he still tried to grab the dancing demon.


    ¡°Speak demon! What do you mean ¡®harm¡¯! You can do nothing if you are dead.¡±


    Ell was quite curious about this harm part as well. She liked not being harmed. It¡¯s why she ran away in the first place. Being unharmed was most definitely preferable.


    ¡°Oh, but that is in the contract friends. Surely you have read it?¡±


    Ell felt tears of frustration build up behind her eyes and she finally caved.


    ¡°Damn it Bal, what contract? Why would harm befall me if Cas killed you?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s quite simple really. Part of the standard contract us demons drew up contains a short but really quite important clause: ¡®The summoner shall not willingly let harm befall the demon.¡¯¡±


    Bal pranced over to her, leaving a panting Cas behind.


    ¡°And what that means, my Lady, is that if you let the big fella over there strangle me, I¡¯m afraid something very nasty is going to happen to you. He is under your command, isn¡¯t he? Then order him to stop.¡±


    Bal was smiling sweetly, just inches from her face. Those damn glimmering eyes. Reluctantly, she barked a command at Cas.


    ¡°Cas stop it. We can¡¯t kill him. Not yet, anyway. Cas is right though, I didn¡¯t agree to any contract when I summoned you.¡±


    Bal danced away, his grin growing wider.


    ¡°Ah but you did. As you still seem confused, I shall explain it slowly for you. The contract comes in two parts; the first part is the standard terms that us demons drew up eons ago. They are the codes of conduct as such. It has all the basics, like that little clause I just told you about. The summoner agrees to all this the instant they summon a demon.¡±


    Bal went over to Cas¡¯s horse and began shifting through his saddle bags. He grabbed some biscuits and Cas¡¯s bedroll, laying it out close to the fire.


    ¡°Now the other part, that is the summoners part of the contract. They can write up any terms they like, like what task they want the demon to perform and how they should behave while here. Now, the summoner needs to be pretty specific here; demons have a nasty habit of finding loopholes in contracts and causing all sorts of misery.¡±


    Bal laughed as he scoffed down a biscuit, inviting a glare from Cas. Ell had a shit feeling that she knew where this was going.


    ¡°The summoner also has to state clearly as to how the demon can be banished back to hell, be it when they finish their task or when the summoner demands it.¡±


    The pit in Ell¡¯s stomach grew wider and wider.


    ¡°Fun little titbit; did you know that a verbal contract is just as binding as a written one?¡±


    Oh no.


    ¡°And I believe all you said was ¡®Please, help us¡¯.¡±


    She was a damn fool.

 The Good, the Bal and the Ugly - 1

    Tonight was the night. Tonight, Bal would finally leave the fools. He had stayed long enough; longer than he had intended to. It was time to start his reign of terror on the mortal plane.


    Bal got up from his (formerly Cas¡¯s) bedroll and started pilfering supplies from the pair¡¯s saddle bags. He stuffed biscuits and a cannister of water into a small knapsack and strolled over to the edge of the camp. Looking back, he saw how truly pathetic this group was. His little summoner was passed out in her bedroll, mumbling about assassins. She was curled around a bottle of whiskey which she had sucked dry over the course of the day.


    The large one, Cas, was sitting with his back against a rock just a few paces away from Ell, eyes wide open. Bal grinned at him, but it elicited no response. The freak slept with his eyes open. He cuddled his sheathed sword as tightly as Ell held her bottle.


    Odd creatures, these humans were. Odd and pathetic.


    Bal scoffed. It was time to get back to the task at hand. He made it about ten steps away from the camp before that repulsive feeling overcame him once more and he stopped in his tracks. It was like a hand had shot out and grabbed his soul, pulling him back to the camp.


    Tonight, he would fight past the feeling. Tonight, he would be free. He took another step and the hand clamped down on his soul, squeezing painfully. Bal scraped at his chest in frustration, etching long scratches into his skin. He stifled a howl of pain, biting into his cheek. Bal struggled forward one more step, the hand crushing his very being as he went.


    No matter what he did each night, no matter what he tried, he couldn¡¯t get rid of that hand molesting his soul.


    This was the contract¡¯s fault, Bal was sure of it. There wasn¡¯t anything else he could think of. A contract could compel a demon to complete their task, but all Ell had said was ¡®Help us¡¯. Help wasn¡¯t a task or a mission; it was a vague request which could mean anything. It could even mean slitting their throats in the middle of the night if Bal twisted his perspective on the situation a little. And there lay the problem; his perspective.


    Bal groaned and gave into the contract¡¯s compulsion, as he had for the last three nights, and stomped back to the camp. He flopped down onto his bedroll and sighed. This was his chance. The name Bal could go down in demonic legend. ¡®Bal the Nun-defiler¡¯, ¡®Bal the Sower of Misery, ¡®Bal the Orphan ball Super Star¡¯. These humans didn¡¯t need him. He would be helping them by leaving. The small one would drink herself to death soon with or without his presence, and the large one would likely slit his throat on that sword of his if he tried to get any more intimate with it. The swarm of assassins likely hadn¡¯t given up chasing them either. Without him about, they would have one less thing to worry about.


    And then there was the matter of the card on his arm. The card that appeared out of nowhere. The card with his face on it. It had to be dangerous, surely. Magical tattoos that looked like you were never perfectly safe. It could cause all sorts of unhelpful trouble for his summoner. He should just leave.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    ¡°Blast it all.¡± Bal groaned into the bedroll.


    He had a chance to spread misery and finally earn his horns. No more working in a shitty little tavern filled with no name demons, he could be sitting at a table with the high rollers, making fools of them all. Payback on Azoth would be his. He had his chance, and yet here he was, bound by a fool of summoner and her muscle brained guard because some tiny voice in his head told him to stay. To help them.


    Tomorrow night, Bal decided as he drifted off to sleep, tomorrow night would be the night he left these fools behind.


    Morning came mercilessly quickly, the sun rising to set the wasteland alight with its glare. Bal pulled his hat down over his eyes, content to laze about for a while longer, but a foot tapped at his ribs persistently.


    ¡°Still with us I see, demon. Perhaps one of these nights you would do us all a favour and find a deep hole to spend the rest of your miserable existence in.¡± said Cas, continuing to jam his foot into Bal¡¯s ribs.


    Bal groaned and took off his hat, that damn ball of fire sizzling his eyes.


    ¡°Oh, but how could I ever bare to be separated from you, Cas. Heart of my heart, love of my life.¡±


    Cas¡¯s fists clenched, and he took a deep, chest-heaving breath, then eventually letting it go. Far too easily annoyed this one was, now that Bal knew how much he despised demons. The other one in the iconic duo was curled up next to her bed roll, retching and downing the last of their water intermediately. Bal refused to believe that she was ever a princess. Cas was more like a princess than Ell could ever be.


    Bal went over to her and shouted in her ear.


    ¡°So, Miss, what¡¯s the plan?¡±


    She groaned and rolled over onto her ass to face Bal, face groggy.


    ¡°What bloody plan Bal?¡±


    ¡°Well, the plan, Miss.¡±


    She clearly wasn¡¯t going to put up with his shit this morning as she just stared impassively at him.


    ¡°I just assumed that there was plan being enacted, Miss. Surely we haven¡¯t been wandering about in the wastes for days without any destination, Miss? That would be quite foolish.¡±


    Bal was sure that was exactly what they had been doing.


    ¡°Of course I have a plan! Why should I tell you though, you bastard?!¡± she wheezed through her sore throat.


    ¡°But I¡¯m one of you now, Miss, part of the gang! You, Cas and I, best buddies so we are. We¡¯ve been through so much together! Remember that time you summoned me then I burned down a saloon and murdered all those people. Good times, friend, good times!¡±


    ¡°Ugh, why haven¡¯t you just fucked off already, you two faced piece of shit? I¡¯m not stupid enough to believe my contract is enough to keep you here with us.¡±


    Yes, it would be completely idiotic to believe that a great and cunning demon like himself could be bound by a pathetic contract such as that. Completely improbable. Unrealistic, and yet, here he was.


    ¡°Oh, but I just find you so charming and entertaini- I mean, endearing, Miss. You know, I just can¡¯t figure out why all those men would want to kill you! You have so many great qualities. Is that the plan, by the way? To just run away from all the scary men?¡±


    She collected her things and mounted her horse, shooting a stare at Bal that would make any man wither as she passed him. Thankfully, Bal was no man.


    ¡°We don¡¯t have much choice.¡± She croaked.


    Ell rode off into the wastes in what Bal was sure was the direction they had come from. Cas followed quickly after her, giving Bal a hate filled glance. That awful feeling grasped at Bal¡¯s soul once more and he mounted his horse to follow them.

 The Good, the Bal and the Ugly - 2

    Bal finally urged his disobedient horse to a gallop and caught up with the princess. He nudged his horse close to hers and coughed to get her attention. She staunchly refused to look at him and kept her attention pinned to the wasteland ahead of her.


    ¡°Miss, if you would permit a humble demon to share his opinion, I do believe we should talk about this plan of yours.¡±


    She turned her head slightly, not looking at Bal, but he knew she was listening.


    ¡°It¡¯s stupid. Very stupid. In fact, I struggle to call it a plan at all.¡±


    She said nothing but urged her horse to move a little faster to pull ahead of Bal¡¯s. Cas brought his horse between Ell and Bal, glaring at Bal. So dramatic this one was. Cas needed to lighten up a bit or else he could pull a muscle in his face from all that frowning.


    Bal needed her to listen to what he had to say, and it seemed his little supplicant act wasn¡¯t proving fruitful. It was time to change tactics.


    ¡°Listen, Ell, I¡¯m just going to be frank with you. I know a little something about running and hiding. In fact, I¡¯d say I know an awful more about it than you or your hound dog here.¡±


    Cas bared his teeth at Bal, upset at Bal¡¯s tone. Hound dog indeed.


    ¡°So, I believe it would be wise if you listened to my expert opinion in this matter. This whole wondering around the wastes thing? Pointless. You may be lost, but those who are trying to kill you sure aren¡¯t. They just have to follow our tracks, which no one has even bothered to conceal by the way.¡±


    They would be tracked down in these wastes eventually and their corpses thrown in unmarked graves. If they even gave them that courtesy. Mr. Skull Crusher didn¡¯t seem like the type to bother with final rites. Besides, there wasn¡¯t many opportunities to cause a little wanton destruction out in the wastes. The wastes were dusty planes that stretched out into the horizon, no end in sight. The only people out here were either lost or stupid. Or perhaps in this group¡¯s case, both. Bal needed to nudge them back towards civilisation, else the only evil he could do would be tormenting these two.


    They must have seen the truth in Bal¡¯s words, but Ell stuck to being petulant and ignored him.


    ¡°Why are the assassins after you anyway, Miss? I get that you are a little princess and all, a tempting target for various reasons, but you said your siblings sent them after you? What, were they envious that you got a bigger cake for your birthday? Oh, maybe you were daddy¡¯s favourite? I can¡¯t imagine you being anyone¡¯s favourite though.¡±


    Ell still ignored him, but he could hear her seething. That was reassuring. This whole business would be terribly boring if he couldn¡¯t torment his summoner at least. Cas, however, would not sit quietly as his mistress was insulted. Just as Bal knew he wouldn¡¯t.


    ¡°Enough! How dare you speak to her highness like that! You shall speak to her in the way befitting a princess of Yem!¡±


    Well that dragged Cas into the conversation nicely.


    ¡°Okay, loyal protector of the finest princess in all of Yem, why are her siblings trying to make sure she meets an unfortunate accident?¡±


    Cas looked to Ell for permission, but she just shrugged. Taking it as permission, Cas continued.Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    ¡°His majesty, the great emperor of Yem, is regretfully terminally ill. Contrary to his predecessors, he has not yet chosen an heir, and we believe he does not mean to do so. That means people have begun to gather around the prince or princess they believe should be the next emperor. The emperor prevents civil war for now, but a succession war is inevitable it seems.¡±


    Pieces of the puzzle started linking together in Bal¡¯s head and he thought he had a good idea of what it¡¯s final form would look like look like.


    ¡°So, they tried to pick off Ell here discreetly, I¡¯m guessing.¡±


    A solemn nod was all he received in response from Cas. The muscle head looked worried. Perhaps it was him that Bal should be working on to coax them back to civilisation. He would agree with Bal if he believed that Ell would be safe.


    Bal also noted the lack of any other guards apart from Cas accompanying the princess. The lack of support probably meant that she was the runt of the litter. Not surprising they tried to pick off the weakest first. In fact, Bal was surprised they hadn¡¯t managed to off her yet. She wasn¡¯t exactly survivor material. She must have lasted this long through sheer dumb luck and Cas¡¯s loyal help. Why was Cas so loyal to the runt anyway? It was creeping Bal out.


    Well, her being the weakest was a bit of good news. It meant that while they would still try to kill her, they wouldn¡¯t try too hard. Given how easy those assassins went down in the saloon, they evidently hadn¡¯t poured much money into this venture. They also seemed to want to avoid being connected to her death in anyway, which would probably explain why those assassins avoided each other rather awkwardly in the saloon. Having the murder of one of their siblings pinned on them could tip the balance of power away from them.


    ¡°So, what¡¯s the goal then, princess? Just run away from assassins the rest of your life? I didn¡¯t peg you to be that stupid.¡±


    He most certainly did think she was that stupid but telling her that probably wouldn¡¯t help convince her.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you want to fight back? Stop flailing around the wastes lost and head back to your home. Take what is rightfully yours!¡±


    A bloody civil war sounded absolutely delightful to Bal. So much destruction. So much chaos. Brothers killing brothers, sons killing fathers. War was wonderful, and it being a civil one was just the icing on the cake. They were always the most miserable wars, his mother had always said, because the opposing sides had to live with each other afterwards. If only he could convince Ell to take him there. Maybe he should be nicer to her.


    A grumble of ¡®Bastard¡¯ was the only response from the princess, but the idea was planted. Now he just needed to water it somehow. She needed to be confident enough to return, and the first step was to get rid of the assassins on their tail. After that, well, Bal was never one for long term schemes. He would find something to send her charging back to her home.


    A small collection of buildings came into existence on the horizon. Probably another mine. They had passed one like it the other day. These humans set them up everywhere on the frontier, hunting for their precious mithril. They would tear each other apart with pickaxes if they heard a rumour that mithril grew inside someone. The mine didn¡¯t look like much from here, but perhaps it would do for Bal¡¯s scheme.


    ¡°Listen friends, I think we should head to that mine over there.¡±


    ¡°And why should we listen to you demon? You probably want the assassins to find us!¡±


    While that certainly did seem entertaining, he had high hopes for these fools now that he was stuck with them. Getting them killed wouldn¡¯t be beneficial.


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid it¡¯s too late for that friend, there has been someone following us for a while now.¡±


    Bal turned and pointed out a distance figure to Cas.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell us we were being followed! You are truly despicable, demon!¡±


    Bal grinned at the compliment.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t ask.¡±


    A round of colourful swears flowed out of Ell¡¯s mouth. She had an impressive vocabulary; she spat words even Bal thought were terribly offensive. Which was strange, given that he was probably a manifestation of evil and all that.


    Bal had spotted the figure following behind them a couple of days ago. The assassins seemed content to patiently follow them and made no moves, so Bal made no moves either. If he told Cas, he would likely charge out nobly to challenge the assassin and heroically get his head chopped off. No, what Bal needed was a good opportunity to ambush the assassin. Maybe it would give his little princess a good confidence boost to see that they could be killed.


    Bal chuckled to himself as he made his horse gallop towards the mining village, the others following behind. Giving confidence boosts to Princesses. What was his life coming to?

 The Good, the Bal and the Ugly - 3

    The prick pushed his horse to a gallop and took off over the rocks, heading straight to the mine. Ell screamed in frustration as they chased after him, the pounding of her head in sync with the horse¡¯s bounds. Bloody hangover.


    Bal thought he was so Gods damn clever. Of course she knew running around the wastes was bloody pointless! There wasn¡¯t anywhere else to go but this barren shithole!  She hadn¡¯t fled here because she liked the smell of dust and incest! The wastes were her best chance to escape the horde of murders her beloved siblings had set lose on her. She just wanted to disappear, but Bal had other ideas.


    How the fuck was she supposed to charge back to the capital and take back what was ¡®rightfully hers¡¯ anyway? Her siblings had armies at their beck and call. Armies. All she had was a knight who got turned on by the thought of an honourable death and a smug prick of a ¡®demon¡¯, if that what he really was. She would die of embarrassment long before an assassin got her if she showed up with those two.


    She needed to find a way to banish Bal soon. His voice was like a shiv at her temple, each time he spoke it dug a little deeper. She didn¡¯t know how much more she could take before she snapped.


    ¡°I can feel you ranting about me in your head, Miss.¡± Bal shouted over his shoulder.


    Her pounding head screamed as his voice ripped its way in through her ears. Bal was going to die, and she would even do the dirty work herself. If she died from the supposed ¡®harm¡¯ that would befall her, well then so be it. Her dying wish would be for Cas to complete the task. The honour-horny knight would do it; Cas wouldn¡¯t even break a pinky promise if it came down to it.


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s not very nice Ell. I thought we were friends!¡± Bal laughed.


    Could he have ¡­. no, the bastard had a smug grin on his face. He hadn¡¯t read her mind, he was just mocking her again. He was going to die very soon. Very, very soon. She was going to rip him into fifty different pieces, stuff them into tiny boxes and scatter them in the farthest corners of the world.  She rubbed her temples in attempt to sooth her headache. Gods, she needed more whiskey; it was the only known cure for a hangover after all.


    Lost in her fantasies of bloody murder, Ell barely noticed that they had arrived at the mining village. Cas swung off his horse and offered Ell a hand down. She swatted it away when she saw Bal smirking at them. He thought she was so damn useless. Hypocrite. She jumped off her horse and looked around.


    The mining village wasn¡¯t much. A couple of shacks that had been hobbled together using whatever wood they could get. The building formed a semicircle with a large hill at the back of the village. A large hole had been blasted haphazardly into the rocky hill. The mine, apparently. A strong wind blew through the village, setting doors to banging and walls to creaking. All in all, it was just another shithole, just like every damn town and village in the wastes. A good enough place for an ambush she supposed, if that was what Bal was scheming.


    Cas began surveying the village and went to check in one of the shacks. As he approached, the door promptly exploded in his face. Cas flew back and landed on his ass a few feet back, smouldering slightly. He leapt back to his feet, grinning as he drew his blade. Exploding doors were probably one of his fetishes for all Ell knew.This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    A small scruffy man jumped out of the shack rolling on the ground before springing to his feet. A second man, taller and much lankier than the first, emerged out of the shack after him.


    ¡°Still kicking there, feller? Should know better than to open the infamous Boomy brother¡¯s door! Ye had it coming!¡± The first spat in an unintelligible accent.


    ¡°This is why we never have visitors, brother. You always use your explosion spells on strangers! We¡¯re going to die alone.¡± Moaned the second man, shaking his long black hair out of his eyes.


    ¡°Well we sure will if ye don¡¯t quit your bitching! Now come down and do the thing!¡± The first man hissed at his brother.


    ¡°No, brother, please don¡¯t make me do that! It¡¯s embarrassing!¡± the tall man whined.


    ¡°It is a Boomy family tradition! Don¡¯t insult it! Now get!¡±


    The tall man shuffled down next to his brother, not lifting his gaze to meet Ell¡¯s. He got into position beside his brother, huffed, and then struck a pose at the same time as his brother, pointing at Ell¡¯s group.


    ¡°I¡¯m Blast!¡± Cheered the small brother.


    ¡°I¡¯m Bang.¡± Mumbled the other.


    They shuffled around each other, arms swinging wildly around them. Ell guessed it was some kind of dance. Could be a mating ritual though. Who knew with these hicks.


    Eventually they arranged themselves into another pose and finished, panting hard.


    ¡°Together, we are the Boomy brothers!¡± They said wheezed discordantly.


    It was impressive, Ell had to admit; they had only just introduced themselves and she already detested them. Two more targets for when she got around to snapping, it would seem. Bal began applauding enthusiastically, cheering and chanting ¡®Boomy! Boomy!¡¯. The demon had found two new playthings to entertain himself with.


    Bal¡¯s continued cheering brought forth a tide of pain in her head once more. Damn, she really needed some more whiskey now. She hadn¡¯t enough time to grab anymore from the saloon before they ran. Maybe these hicks had some; she could tolerate their existence better if they did.


    The smaller brother, Blast, smiled demurely at the response. Ell could just picture these two idiots practicing this daily waiting for someone showing up. With no one else about, this had probably been their first time showing it off.


    Bal, predictably, was the first to address the Boomy brothers.


    ¡°Well that was simply spectacular, friends! I¡¯ve seen many introductory dances, but I have to say, that was in the top five, no, the top three, easily! Miles above the competition!¡±


    Even the tall brother blushed at Bal¡¯s compliments. How they couldn¡¯t hear the sarcasm leaking off Bal¡¯s snake tongue, Ell would never know. The glimmer appeared in Bal¡¯s eyes again, twinkling as he got closer to the brothers.


    ¡°Aw shucks, you¡¯re too kind stranger. That wasn¡¯t nothing much.¡± Blast chuckled as he blushed, hiding his face by looking at his feet.


    ¡°Nothing much?! Preposterous! That shuffle towards the end had me in awe. It must have taken some intense practice. Do you think you could do it again for me? I was just so entranced by the beauty of the dance that I don¡¯t think I fully appreciated it in its entirety-.¡±


    Bal¡¯s speech cut off as a third figure appeared in the door to the shack, causing the entire front wall to shake. A wave of terror shook her gut as Ell turned to look at the new comer. The thing was easily eight-foot-tall, muscle layered on all over its enormous body with three horns sprouting from its head. It radiated hate as its massive chest heaved up and down in furious breaths. An eyeball was missing from its brutal red face, but the other glowed with a fierce yellow intensity. Having spent the last few days with Bal, she almost didn¡¯t recognise it for what it was; a demon. This was what a demon was supposed to be like. A being of pure evil.


    Completely unlike Bal.


    The Demon¡¯s muscles tensed as it landed its gaze on Bal. Yellow eye igniting, it screamed in an earth-shaking voice.


    ¡°BAAAAAAAAAL!¡±


    The true demon charged towards Bal in massive strides. Bal¡¯s sleazy smirk had been chased away by a concerned look. Ell might have found some enjoyment from that if it wasn¡¯t for the slab of muscle hurtling towards them. She just hoped that Bal would die first.

 The Good, the Bal and the Ugly - 4

    ¡°BAAAAAAAL¡±


    The Tyrant demon charged towards Bal, ignoring the Boomy brothers completely. It looked pissed. Like, really, really pissed. Bal had a terrible feeling he recognised that one eyed face, and that he knew what happened to the other eye. Tyrant demon¡¯s eyes went for a surprisingly good price if you knew the right demons, and Bal knew all the right demons.


    Bal fumbled for his crossbow but stopped himself. That tiny thing wouldn¡¯t even pierce this beasts¡¯ skin. His stomach twisted itself into a knot. He took his hand back from the holster and spotted the magical card printed on his arm. He had refused to touch it since the sheriff¡¯s prison. Magically appearing tattoos were rarely a good thing. Who knew what nasty things it could be doing to him.


    The rapidly approaching Tyrant stole the choice from him and he went to draw the card. A glow emanated from his arm and the ¡®Fool¡¯ card bearing his face materialised in his hand. He was about to launch it at the demon when the Tyrant suddenly fell to the ground screaming. It flailed around on the ground, grasping at his chest. The lanky brother, Blast, if Bal remembered right, was jogging towards them looking terribly guilty.


    It all clicked for Bal then and his tensed muscle relaxed slowly. One of these dancing fools must be the summoner. A much better summoner than his dear Ell it seemed, as the tyrant had just felt the effects of trying to break his contract. Bal knew the effect of doing that all too well.


    Bal looked towards his own summoner. Ell had collapsed into a ball, arms over her head. She was screaming her throat dry, expecting an impact that would never come. Her hound, Cas, was standing with his sword drawn above her. The freak was staring at the demon, looking vaguely disappointed. Had he wanted to fight a Tyrant demon? By the Seven Lords of Hell, he was a suicidal fool. You didn¡¯t fight a Tyrant demon. You could trick them and rob them blind easily enough, which Bal had quite literally done by carving out this one¡¯s eye long ago, but no one picked a fight with a Tyrant demon. He pilfered this one¡¯s eye only after buying it several barrels of drink to knock it out.


    Bal decided to enjoy the moment and squatted down above the flailing Tyrant, resting his face on his hand.


    ¡°Oh dear my old friend, looks like you have a nasty case of the compulsion¡±


    The Tyrant demon, whose name Bal was struggling to recall, flung a fist at him. Bal¡¯s guess about the compulsion was proven correct as the meaty fist stopped mere inches from his smirking lips. It howled in pain and dropped its fist to the ground.


    ¡°Blethor, friend, you sure are a sight for sore eyes. It has been much too long! We need to get a drink some time. That last night was a real doozy.¡±


    The Tyrant screamed at Bal¡¯s joke.


    ¡°IT IS BELEXETHOR! BAL YOU BASTARD! I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL, SHIT YOU OUT AND EAT YOU AGAIN!¡±


    Ah Belexethor, that was it. He had been so close. He really needed to get better at remembering names. If only everyone had them written on their heads or something, then he wouldn¡¯t have to bother trying to remember at all. Never mind that though, had the flailing demon just said he would eat his own shit? Tyrant¡¯s were kings of combat, but their brains were shrunken to make room for more muscle, or at least, that¡¯s what the Succubi always told him. Cas and old One-eye here would get on great.


    The lanky brother went over to help Ell back to her feet. A pointless task that, as her pride would never allow it. The scruffy brother meanwhile was staring at Bal with suspicion lurking in his eyes.


    ¡°Seems like my brother¡¯s demon here knows you, feller?¡±


    Bal stood up, ignoring the flailing demon and gave Blast a winning smile.


    ¡°Ah! How rude of me friend! I was too mesmerised by your spectacular dance that I seem to have forgotten my manners. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Bal. A pleasure meeting you good sir!¡±


    Bal swept his arms back and performed the best formal bow he could muster.


    ¡°And it is my privilege to introduce her highness, Princess Ell of Yem! Accompanying her today is her most honourable protector, Lord Cas!¡±


    Bang jumped back from Ell as though she was a viper then prostrated himself, begging her forgiveness for daring to lay hands on her. Blast on the other hand began laughing like a maniac.


    ¡°Ha! That little girly¡¯s no princess Bang! Bal here is just yanking your chain! Get on yer feet ya moron!¡±This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    Bang stood up, dusting the dirt off his trousers. The man¡¯s face sagged, weighed down by stress and misery. All this excitement was apparently too much for him.


    Ell shot Bal a death glare. He just winked back at her. What, she was the one demanding that everyone treats her like a princess, wasn¡¯t she?  Bal saw nothing wrong with telling these bumbling fools. There wasn¡¯t much point in hiding the fact anyway, given the assassins were hot on their trail. Well, they didn¡¯t believe him anyway, so no harm done.


    ¡°DO NOT IGNORE ME BAL! I WILL CRUSH YOU AND SQUASH YOU! SQUASH YOU REAL SQUASHEY LIKE!¡±


    One-eye was still moaning and rolling about on the ground. His threats would be a lot more terrifying if his eyes weren¡¯t glistening with the beginnings of tears. A Tyrant? Crying? These contracts had a terrifying amount of power. All the more reason to weasel out of his own.


    ¡°And to answer your question, Master Blast, I have unfortunately had a run in with this particular demon before. Nasty piece of work, this one is.¡±


    Belexethor swung his claw out to grab Bal, but he remained just out of reach. A convulsion racked the Tyrant¡¯s bulky body, causing him to whimper in pain. Blue tears streamed down its face, leaving a slimy trail. Bal resisted the urge to collect them; Tyrant tears were shockingly rare and so went for a handsome sum. Now that he thought about it, pretty much every part of a Tyrant¡¯s body was worth a small fortune. Any body part from a Tyrant was hard to come by, so supply was low he supposed, but why in hell are they in demand? What was the point of having a bottle of slimy blue tears? Bal sighed; he would never truly understand economics.


    Bal looked up for the weeping demon and back to the brothers.


    ¡°So, I do have to ask, why would such lovely gentlemen such as yourselves associate with such a fierce and evil creature?¡± Bal asked raising an eyebrow at the pair. He would understand if some pathetic summoner had called upon a tyrant to protect their assess, but that didn¡¯t seem to be what was happening here.


    Bang withered and squirmed under Bal¡¯s accusing gaze and he began spluttering out some unintelligible explanation.


    ¡°Well, um, you see ah, Bal. No, sorry Mr. Bal? Lord Bal? I, ah, we¡­.¡±


    Blast blessedly stepped in and slapped his brothers back, hushing him. He hissed something under his brother, causing Bang to shrink back further. If the miserable creature shrunk back anymore, he might collapse in on himself and implode. Bal hoped he could stay with them a while longer, they were much more fun to tease than Ell was.


    ¡°Sorry about my brother, Bal. He¡¯s a bit loony if ya know what I mean. Being cooped up here by yourself does that to a fella.¡±


    Bal nodded along, not speaking up about the obvious problem with that statement.


    ¡°What he was trynna say was that we don¡¯t use Belexethor here for anything, ah, nasty. We keep him on a tight leash, as ya can see. Banned from harming anyone, so he is¡±


    A very tight leash it would seem. Bal thanked whatever force looked after him for sending him to a fool like Ell. The fool in question was flicking her eyes between Bal and the Tyrant. She stared at Belexethor with absolute terror, but when she dragged her gaze to Bal, she just looked annoyed. How he wished he could inspire such terror. He would have to settle for simply being an irritating prick in the meantime. Ell finally stopped comparing the two demons and turned to address the brothers.


    ¡°So why did you summon this demon then?¡±


    ¡°Oh that¡¯s simple missy. We trade with him.¡±


    Well that was new.


    ¡°And what do you trade then?¡± Ell inquired, pinching the bridge of her nose.


    ¡°He gets us some brimstone powder, you know, the explodey stuff. We give him, ahh, wood in return.¡±


    ¡°Wood? Do you mean you give him timber? How do you get that in this shithole?¡±


    ¡°No, no, no, you¡¯re not understating miss. We just give him wood. Any wood. Planks, doors, the like. Hell, we even gave him a splinter one time. He loves the stuff, can¡¯t honestly say why miss. Acts like it¡¯s mithril.¡±


    Again with the Hell economics, Bal sighed. Wood was virtually non-existent in Hell, so this whimpering genius of a demon before him must have thought that any scrap of the stuff would be valuable. Given that this demon thought it was valuable though, there were probably other idiots who would think a splinter to be valuable as well.


    The summoning finally made sense to Bal now though. These explosion happy brothers could put the volatile Brimstone powder to good use, especially if they used it in a mine. Brimstone powder only existed in Hell though, so trading with a demon was the only way to get it, apart from going to Hell yourself.


    Cas, who had been keeping an eye on the surroundings, turned back to the group.


    ¡°We have company!¡±


    Ell let out a stream of curses. The assassins had finally caught up to them.


    ¡°Bal, what¡¯s the plan?!¡±


    ¡°What plan?¡±


    ¡°What plan? What the hell do you mean ¡®What plan¡¯?!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid I really don¡¯t know what you mean, Miss.¡±


    ¡°Stop fucking about Bal! You have a plan! An ambush! That¡¯s why you brought us to this shithole, isn¡¯t it? Now spit it out!¡±


    ¡°Ah I¡¯m afraid you are mistaken, I never said I had a plan. I just said that I thought that we should head to this mine. Besides, I¡¯m more of an idea guy. This devil does not do details. Weren¡¯t you the one coming up with the grand plans, my dear Ell?¡±


    Ell¡¯s face twisted into a mask of rage as she screamed in frustration, charging at Bal. He merrily jigged away from her small fists. She was a lot easier to dodge than Cas was. Cas himself had already wandered off gleefully to face the figure that was approaching from the other side of the village. Bal put a hand atop Ell¡¯s head, keeping the mini typhoon of fists at bay. The Boomy brothers were standing to the side, utterly bemused, and as Bal looked at them he was struck with inspiration. Bal may not be one for details, but he knew a good hand of cards when he saw them, and he was definitely not one to waste an opportunity.


    ¡°Say, fellas, you wouldn¡¯t happen to have any Brimstone powder stored, would ya?¡±


    A nervous nod came from Bang. Bal grinned; it was about time he gave an explosive finale to this assassin¡¯s hunt.

 The Good, the Bal and the Ugly - 5

    The assassin trotted into the village, steely blue eyes staring straight at the group. Cas recognised this particular assassin; Cas had seen him in the last quaint town. The one the demon had entitled ¡®Mr. Skull Crusher¡¯. This Skull Crusher bore a rather remarkable resemblance to the quivering demon on the ground beside Cas. He was an equal to the demons towering height, but he couldn¡¯t compete with the demon¡¯s inhumanly bulky muscles. The Skull Crusher was also notably less red.


    Cas sighed. This assassin was no raging Tyrant demon, but it would still be a great honour to best him in combat, defending his most noble Princess. He might even get a chance to lay down his life for her. A tingle shot through him at the thought. Surely there could be no greater Honour than loyalty till death.


    Cas gleefully walked towards the assassin. No, he strode. Yes, it should be known that he, Cassius Belothas Hart, strode gallantly towards the enemy horde, consisting of the assassin and his horse. The most fearsome assassin and horse the world had ever seen though! There could be no more fearsome than Mr. Skull Crusher and his slightly larger than average chestnut brown mare.


    He would have to amend the assassins name to something more sensible when he dictated his memoirs, something like ¡®The Skull Pulveriser¡¯ or ¡®The Enemy of All Skulls¡¯.


    The yet-to-be-named assassin hopped of his horse, barely glancing at Cas. If Cas remembered correctly, the man was a band three Berserker. That could be very tricky to deal with. The Berserker mark allowed its users to use their mana to explosively increase their strength and speed for shorts bursts. If he was band three, he likely could form mana bracers over his fists and feet as well. Cas hadn¡¯t faced those before, but he had been told they hurt. A lot.


    No matter; bones heal, but glory, glory was forever.


    Cas drew his blade with a flourish, swinging it about in his hand.


    ¡°Good day to you sir! I am Sir Cassius of House Hart!¡± Cas greeted. Manners were important. It would dishonour his family if he was seen being discourteous. Well, discourteous to humans at least. That vile demon didn¡¯t count.


    The Destroyer of Skulls grunted in reply. It was terribly rude of him not to offer a name in reply. Not rude enough for Cas to start the fight yet though. No, there were rules to starting a duel that Cas would never dare break.


    ¡°I am correct in assuming that you are here to bring harm to my patron: Princess Ell of Yem?¡±


    Skull stomper looked up at that, blue eyes finally focusing on Cas rather than his surroundings. He grunted again, nodding in affirmation.


    ¡°So you are then! Ignoble scum, I shall not allow harm to befall her highness! I challenge you do a duel to the-¡°


    Cas¡¯s declaration was cut off when a small knife flew past him, imbedding itself into the wall of a small shack to the side of him. Cas span to see where it had originated from. A small feminine figure dressed in skin-tight leathers with a highly unpractical black cloak that was flapping about in the light breeze. She pulled down her hood, letting loose a river of burning red curls. The woman whipped her head back and forth, trying to get them out of her face, but the mess of red clung determinately to her face. Finally, she got it clear and glared at Cas with her piercing emerald eyes.


    ¡°Are you Sir Cassius Belothas Hart? The protector of Princess Ell?


    Cas hesitated on answering, too annoyed with her for disturbing his manly challenge to trust himself to speak politely.


    ¡°I am he. What is it you want?¡±


    ¡°Then it is time you met your Fate Sir Cas-¡°


    The assassin¡¯s speech was cut off by the wall of the shack she through her knife at falling inwards, smashing apart.


    ¡°You are already de-¡°


    The roof of the shack collapsed this time, kicking up a large cloud of dust.


    ¡°You your patron¡¯s names have been written in the book of the dea-¡°


    The neighbouring shack fell like a domino after the first. Metal clanging emanated from within, drowning out what the red-haired girl was saying.


    ¡°I am the Dread Assassin Ria! You shall be, kuu-¡°


    The cloud of dust had reached them, sending them all into to fits of coughing.


    ¡°You shall, *cough* you will *cough*, you¡¯re gonna die.¡± She managed to splutter out between coughs.


    The Bane of Skulls recovered from his coughing first and tried to pass by Cas and the undeserving of being titled Ria, heading towards Princess Ell. Cas ran in front of him, bringing his sword to bear as another throwing knife landed between them. SkullGuy glanced down at Cas before awkwardly shuffling to the side to try and pass him again. Cas mirrored him, blocking his path once more.


    Skull Muncher simply glanced at Cas once more before shuffling to the other side, where Cas also moved to, blocking his path. This shuffling dance continued for another few steps before yet another knife landed between them, thrown by a very red faced Ria.This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    ¡°Stop ignoring me! Fight me! I am the Dread Assassin! You should be quivering before me!¡± She squeaked.


    No, no, no, this was all going wrong! This was supposed to be a heroic act! An epic duel, mano a mano. Just two men beating each other bloody! This little assassin had ruined it! From the looks of her, she probably had an actual Assassin mark. She could use her mana to pull out all sorts of nasty tricks if she had more than one band. There was nothing honourable about fighting someone with an Assassin mark. Everyone would remember it as you having been assassinated, rather than having been slain in glorious combat. They would think that he was stabbed with a little baby knife and bled like a weakling, not even putting up a fight! Cas wanted to be beheaded, or gutted, or even split in half; but he would not tolerate bleeding to death like a lowly pig.


    The Anti-Skull moved back, eyeing Cas and Ria warily. He had finally acknowledged them as enemy combatants. Cas moved back as well, not wanting to be caught between the two assassins.


    The three circled around in the ring of shacks in the village, keeping at a distance from each other. A silence had settled upon the village, the wind having died down, as if the world itself felt the tension building. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered where Ell had gone, but the adrenaline was already flowing through his mind, blocking any thoughts but those of violence.


    Cas flicked his eyes between the two, measuring their worth. He knew that the Skuller was a band three Berserker. A Berserker would be able to cross the gap easily before he had time to react properly. Gaining bands on his Knight mark had increased Cas¡¯s reflexes past that of a normal human, allowing him to make quick actions in combat, but he doubted it could bring his sword to bear quickly enough to strike the Berserker.


    The De-Skullinator seemed to be paying more attention to Ria, whose hands where twitching at her knife belt. He likely didn¡¯t know what tricks she had up her sleeve, which put him at a bad disadvantage if he ignored her and charged Cas first. Ria herself was flicking her gaze back and forth between Cas and Skulls, weighing them. Would she hold back and use her ranged weapons? Could they even do much to a Berserker and a knight? Those little knives wouldn¡¯t even slow The Skullpocalypse down. The Skull-Fella seemed to notice that as well. A spark ignited on his mark and a glow spread like lightning through his body. This was it.


    Cas ignited his own mark. He would have to risk it on a new ability he had learned. He felt the magic flow from his mark on his shoulder down through the rest of his body, but a river of it flowed down his arm, gathering in his hand. The Berserker blasted off the ground, taking great bounding leaps before roaring and smashing a fist into Cas. The fist collided with a great blue light that had formed a large convex shield. The force of the hit was staggering, forcing Cas to one knee. Despite the pain, Cas didn¡¯t hesitate, swinging backwards with his sword hand. As he had anticipated, Ria had used some Assassin ability to get behind him unnoticed. Cas¡¯s sword just barely sliced her armour as she leapt backwards, avoiding the blow.


    Cas forced the flow of mana away from his arm, collapsing the shield, and into his legs. With the mana strengthening them, he pushed off, flying back from Ria and The Skull-gruel-maker. The Berserker was already on the move, charging towards Ria. A fierce light came from his fist each time he swung, the force of each swing kicking up dirt. Ria danced back, narrowly avoiding the worst of the blows but still catching some glancing hits. She was not to be so easily killed though. She grabbed a small item from her pouch and flung it at the ground. It exploded on contact and a massive cloud of black smoke shot out.


    Cas found himself in a world of darkness. He paced backwards, hoping to distance himself from the Berserker, but he quickly lost his orientation as he twisted to face any sound his band-enhanced hearing picked up. He heard a low whistle coming towards him just as a throwing knife dug deep into his thigh. He bit down hard on his cheeks to contain a cry of pain. Those little knives hurt a lot more than expected. He pulled it out quickly, returning to his battle stance.


    A dark shape disturbed the cloud of smoke in front of him. Little green eyes found his. Ria. He charged towards her, swinging his blade at her, but the sword just passed through her harmlessly. Instinct kicking in, he spun around and raised his arm to block an attack from the real Ria. The assassin¡¯s knife bit deep and scraped the bone in his arm, but she made the mistake of not letting go of it quick enough. Using his other arm, he punched with all his might at the woman, who was still hanging onto the knife. The blow connected hard with her stomach. She wheezed, but still had the sense to let go of the knife and move back.


    A roar came from somewhere to his left, soon followed by a blast of wind. Cas staggered back as the smoke cloud was blown away with the wind. The now clear area revealed a panting Berserker, an ominous red glow coming from every where on his body. Skull Ripper had entered his true Berserker state, the very thing his kind where known for. He was going to be a lot faster and a hell of a lot tougher, but if Cas could somehow survive the next minute, the Berserker would wear himself out. Feeling the wound on his arm and thigh, Cas was not optimistic about his chances. There were several smokey images of Ria still hanging about the circle. An assassin magic of some kind, Cas assumed. The Berserker had apparently lost some of his cognitive functions as he began swinging wildly at these fake-Rias, each swing disturbing their flickering image.


    Ria herself was nowhere to be seen. Had she gone in search of the Princess? Assassin¡¯s never fought fair, why had he expected her to stay here and fight an enraged Berserker?


    His worries were alleviated when his patron emerged from a shack just a bit behind him, squawking at the demon.


    ¡°For fuck¡¯s sake Bal! Did you even hear what they said! You¡¯ll kill us all!¡±


    ¡°Please don¡¯t worry my dear, I¡¯ll be careful!¡±


    ¡°How can you be bloody careful when you have a barrel full of explosives!¡±


    ¡°The little Miss is right Bal! The whole town is built above that there mine! You can¡¯t detonate all that Brimstone powder here!¡±


    ¡°Sure I can. Watch!¡±


    Cas didn¡¯t have time to turn to see what the damn demon was laughing about, as the End-of-all-Skull-shaped-objects had finished swatting away Ria¡¯s mirages. Cas started to put up his magical shield again, but a barrel with a small burning fuse rolled past him towards the centre of the village.


    ¡°Run, Cas! Run!¡±


    Cas didn¡¯t hesitate as he turned tail and ran. It may be dishonourable to leave a fight like this, but there was little honour to be gained by dying to an explosion.


    Cas sent mana to his legs again, leaping towards Ell and the demon. A deep boom mingled with a roar pierced the air. It teared at Cas¡¯s ears, but he kept running, even when the pressure wave and the burning heat hit his back. A horrible cracking sound made Cas looked down to his feet, where he saw the ground cracking and fragmenting. Oh, by the angels what had the Demon done? Bal was grinning manically when he reached the panicking group.


    Cas barely thought as he forced mana into his shield, covering his group before the ground swallowed them whole.

 Keep your eyes on the prize - 1 & Announcement

    It was beautiful. The shockwave slammed into them as they watched the barrel of brimstone detonate, forming an evil blood red fireball. The screams of the dammed souls that were trapped in the brimstone powder harmonised with the rush of flames.


    Bal had never witnessed such an awe-inspiring explosion in his life. Sure, there was plenty of brimstone powder exploding all the time in Hell, but this was different. Here, there were things to destroy. Flammable things; like wood for example. Oh, how he wanted to kiss whoever invented wood. As soon as the barrel exploded in the centre of town, the enormous fireball consumed some of the wooden shacks, spreading the destruction.


    Bal was so entranced with watching his little fire grow up, he failed to notice Cas running towards him till he felt Cas¡¯s stomps shaking him. No wait, that wasn¡¯t right. Cas was bulky, but he wasn¡¯t earth shatteringly bulky. He looked peeved about something as well. Shouldn¡¯t he be happy? The muscle brain finally got a chance to stick his sword into something.


    Cas ignited his mark as he reached them, blue mana flowing out of his hand, forming a shield around the group. Bal looked at him quizzically. Why would he do that? The explosion shouldn¡¯t harm them at this range. Bal¡¯s stomach dropped as he suddenly felt like he was falling. He looked down to see the ground giving way all around them, the darkness below swallowing them up.


    They fell into the cavern opening beneath them, bouncing around inside Cas¡¯s shield. Around and around Bal span, losing track of which way was which. Falling rocks careened into the translucent blue shield, knocking about the contents.


    Ell screamed as she hurtled through the air, smashing head first into Bal¡¯s stomach and sending them both into a collision course with the Boomy brothers.


    ¡°FUCK, FUCK, FUCKING SHIT¡± Was all Bal could make out over the torrential rain of rocks pelting them.


    The shield-ball eventually hit solid ground, sending a final jolt through its occupants. A chorus of groans filled the sphere as they sighed in relief. Cas quickly composed himself and went straight into a heroic knelling pose, holding his arms up as if keeping up shield was strenuous on him. Bal smiled at that. Cas had been screaming more than the rest of them on the way down.


    Bal tried to stand up as well but doubled over in pain, grabbing his stomach where Ell¡¯s head had impacted him. He really shouldn¡¯t be surprised that it hurt that much, of course her skull would be that thick. Slowly, taking deep breaths, he pushed himself to stand up, albeit in a hunched over position. Were they still spinning, or was it just his head? Taking a moment to centre himself, he turned to face the group.


    ¡°Well, lesson learned friends. I definitely won¡¯t be exploding a barrel of that stuff over a mine again anytime soon. But sure, no harm done, right?¡± Bal laughed.


    They all turned to glare at him from their various states of distress. Ell was about to launch into another stream of curses aimed at him when they heard the now familiar sound of the ground beneath them crumbling. He had jinxed it, hadn¡¯t he?


    The song of screams picked up again as their precious ground betrayed them and sent them down further into the darkness. The shield was smacked about violently as large and larger falling rocks hit them. They spiralled further and further into the depths as the darkness blanketed them, slowly starving them of any light from the sky above.


    They fell for what felt like a lifetime to Bal, the darkness and adrenaline disrupting his usually impeccable sense of time. Finally, they landed with a splash, the sound of water rushing to drown their shield-bubble coming soon after. Thankfully, the bubble managed to resurface and float gently on whatever body of water they had landed on.


    ¡°Bal?¡±


    ¡°Yes, my dear?¡±


    ¡°I hate you. I really bloody hate you.¡±


    Bal burst out laughing. His laugh echoed through the pitch-black cavern, making it sound like it came from all over. He didn¡¯t need to see Ell to know that she was slamming her hands against her ears as she groaned. She really hated his laugh. Bal had often wondered why she loathed it so, his voice and laugh were like those of an angel. He hated how pleasant it sounded himself, but he thought it would make him popular with the humans. Oh well, can¡¯t please everyone.


    Bal tried to stop his laughter, but his body refused him. He was still dizzy and giddy from the fall. He couldn¡¯t help it. That was easily the most exciting thing to happen to him in a very long time. The adrenaline surging through his body was wearing off and his body ached, and yet, he felt invincible. He could fight off 50 tyrant demons if he tried, easy-peasy. He laughter turned to great breathless gasps as the excitement very slowly left him. In the moments he stopped for air, he could hear what he thought was Cas panting hard from exertion.The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°Damn demon! You nearly killed us all, and now you laugh!¡± Cas spat, taking gulps of the musty air between words.


    ¡°Oh, lighten up Cas! We¡¯re all fine now! We are all still alive, right? Bang? Blast?¡±


    Two groans came from somewhere in the darkness.


    ¡°See! Alive and well! No worries!¡±


    ¡°Reckless fool, do you not care for your own life!?¡±


    Lords of Hell, not only was Cas a suicidal battle maniac, but a hypocrite as well. Delightful. Besides, of everyone here, he was the last one Cas should be calling fool. The barrel explosion had been a great idea. The assassins were likely dead, and Ell was alive. That¡¯s all they wanted right? He definitely hadn¡¯t detonated that massive explosion just to cause random destruction. Or to see that glorious fireball. No, most definitely not.


    Bal was just about dispute Cas¡¯s claim when a weak voice came from somewhere in the dark.


    ¡°I-I don¡¯t think he does.¡± Bang whimpered. Was he crying? The fall wasn¡¯t that painful.


    ¡°What my brother means to say is that demons don¡¯t fear death. They aren¡¯t like us normal folk.¡±


    ¡°D-Demon! What do you mean! We never told you- I mean, Bal¡¯s no bloody demon! I wouldn¡¯t summon no damn demon! What, are you fucking accusing me, you insane hicks?!¡± A stuttering Ell interrupted.


    That was unexpected from Ell; she is usually so calm in cursing people out. Well, not calm. She did stutter less usually. Was she that nervous of people finding out that she summoned a demon? Even if those people were hicks? Demon summoners themselves as well.


    Oh, he could use this. Bal could definitely use this.


    ¡°We¡¯re not judging you little miss. Hell, you know we have done it ourselves, you¡¯ve seen our demon. Bang here got¡¯s himself a keen nose for this kind of thing. He said he felt something sorta demon like outside when youse were outside our shack.¡± Blast answered.


    ¡°I-it didn¡¯t really feel like what a demon is supposed to feel like.¡± Bang added quietly.


    ¡°Yeah, wasn¡¯t quite the same, he said back then. Wasn¡¯t till we were getting the brimstone powder that Bang said he felt it getting more demon like. He said it figured it must be coming from our pal Bal here.¡±


    ¡°But he doesn¡¯t feel like a demon now.¡±


    ¡°Well you are right friends. I am a demon, probably. No, no, don¡¯t ask; you wouldn¡¯t get it.¡±


    ¡°Well anyway big fella, your demon pal here, if that what he is, ain¡¯t afraid of death. Reckless these demons are, or so Bang says. He knows a lot about the stuff. Go on, tell ¡®em Bang.¡±


    ¡°Eh, ah okay. Um, well what my brother said is correct. Demons are not like us. So different, in fact, that it is often hard to understand each other¡¯s perspective, which can cause all sorts of problems when making a contract. It has been studied quite a bit. N-not that I am that interested in demons or anything.¡± Bang tapered off, which prompted a kick from his brother.


    ¡°Oh they already bloody know that you¡¯re a dirty demon lover. Not get on with it.!¡±


    What was wrong with loving a demon? Bal was perfectly lovable. Adorable, even.


    ¡°A-anyway, demons don¡¯t tend to share the same feelings of self-preservation as we do. Their lives are completely different to ours, as is their physiology, which could cause this difference Things like being spawned from some sort of pit rather than having a traditional family unit, meaning they don¡¯t hve any animal desires for reproduction ¡­¡± Bang coughed. Bal couldn¡¯t see anything, but he knew that the man was turning bright red.


    ¡°¡­. But more importantly, a demon knows its only purpose is to cause misery and destruction. They are quite literally born to be evil.¡±


    Bal wasn¡¯t sure he agreed with that. Sure, he wanted to cause misery and whatnot to get his horns, and he certainly did enjoy a good explosion, but those were far from his only desires. Hells, he had all sorts of desires.  Right now, all he desired was a nice cool drink. Maybe a cigar as well. He stole one of those from Azoth way back before he got kicked out and had been craving another ever since.


    Damn, if he thought about it, he desired entertainment more than anything else. Hell was just so monotonous. The eternal screams of the dammed just get so dull after you have heard them the first thousand times. As did all the sparse sights and sounds of his barren red home. He craved excitement.


    He also wanted to figure out why there was a magical card tattooed on his bloody arm. Perhaps that was more of a necessity than a desire. His mama always told him to never trust free gifts; well, she only told him after she had baked him a birthday cake and filled it with poison. Bal¡¯s birthdays tended to be a rather depressing affair, even by Hell¡¯s standards.


    Lost in talking about his interests, Bang continued. He likely didn¡¯t care if the others were listening, he was just splurging his knowledge upon them.


    ¡°Most demons tend to have a single-minded focus on causing evil, to the point where they would throw away their lives to cause one great catastrophe. It is instinctual to them. Of course, there are exceptions to this for some reason, like our greedy tyrant demon. It took us forever to find one willing to trade with us rather than try to break the contract to smash us. For some reason, Belexethor has a greater sense of self-preservation than other demons. I¡¯m not too sure if Bal does as well, given the ah, explosion and all¡­..¡±


    Would he be okay with losing his life for one great act of evil? No, no, no. Bal shook the thought from his head. In that regard, he was perfectly content being unlike other demons. He liked life. He really, really liked life. No act of evil was worth more than his life. Not even if he had a chance to defecate in the head angel¡¯s hat. No matter how tempting that sounded, it was not worth his life.


    He could see where they were coming from though. He hadn¡¯t planned for them to fall down the mineshaft due to the explosion. He hadn¡¯t planned anything at all. He still wouldn¡¯t consider setting off the barrel a mistake, just a happy little accident. Everyone was still breathing in the end. Cas maybe was breathing was a little too hard. He was panting like a hell hound in heat. What had him all flustered?


    Ah right, the bubble.


    The sudden sound of Cas collapsing was soon followed by a very unwelcome dip into the water.