DON''T YOU DO IT!
''IMMA DO IT!''
ANOTHER ONE DID THE SAME AND HE REGRETTED IT FOR HIS WHOLE LIFE!
I advise against it as well, young master.
''FUCK YOU BOTH!''
"Then I pick you." (Me)
You fucking did it.
''I already have the other voices to handle, don''t get on my nerves as well.''
I told ya
*sigh* Well, you don''t know him yet." (Lydia)
Greater Soul Stone (Filled with Greater soul)
Description: Can harbor a soul of the deceased. Soul can be used as energy.
Do you mean autist?
She''s gonna be fucked brainless
From how much I observed young master, I can confirm this statement
''What kind of monster do you think I am?!''
Are we wrong?
I really lack the creativity for a good title
"Yu?" (Lydia)
"I''m listening, my dear Lydia." (Me)
"How long do you intend to look like that?" (Lydia)
I look perplexed at Lydia, before checking myself for any irregularities. Then I found the mistake.
"Oh you mean the fedora? Yeah, I get all the time that it doesn''t fit me..." (Me)
"I MEAN THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY NAKED." (Lydia)
"Oh, you''re bothered by that? But I have the fedora on my head. That means I''m not completely naked. And being naked gives me a certain sense of freedom." (Me)
Stop doing the helicopter
''I SHALL HANDLE MY PROUD WARRIOR AS I SEE FIT!''
"By the gods, why can''t I refute him at such a moment?!" (Lydia)
"By the way, Alexandra. Could you remind me why I can''t take all the treasure right now?" (Me)
"That''s because it''s the rule made by the dungeon master." (Alexandra)
"And the dungeon master is a fucking rock. Let''s see how a fucking rock will keep me from nose diving right into a pool of gold." (Me)
Suddenly, the whole treasure disappears, leaving only a single rock behind.
"I will fucking dig that stone out and carve it a new asshole." (Me)
Aren''t you the one who always says that you shouldn''t be careless with your flagging?
''You''re not even a real person, so don''t try to lecture me.''
Sometimes, you hit really deep (?n?)
"How do we even get out of this dungeon? There has to be some kind of shortcut right?" (Me)
Wow, you''re really challenging the power of flags today...
"Yes, there is one. But it''s called the "Deathcoaster of doom XVII senior... with spikes of doom" and I don''t really know if it can be considered safe anymore." (Alexandra)
"Yep, I see no problem here." (Me)
"WE ARE NOT GOING ON THAT ONE TOO! I''D RATHER JUST GO ALL THE WAY BACK UP!" (Lydia)
"I can always just tie you up and fuck you... I meant bind you on the coaster... no wait, scratch that, the one before that was better." (Me)
What about both?
''WHAT A MAGNIFICENT IDEA!''
"I will go on that coaster on my own, so no need to rape me... never thought I would form a sentence like that." (Lydia) (Author Note: I was also pretty sure that I''d never form such a senseless sentence in my whole life. How things have turned.)
"Someday you''ll need to lose your virginity like any other girl. Why don''t you make it special and have it on a highspeed rollercoaster while being pounded at the speed of lightning? I bet you could still tell your grandchildren about that." (Me)
"I most certainly won''t tell my grandchildren about me getting humped on a rollercoaster." (Lydia)
"Can you please let me continue being the dungeon master here? I don''t want to be involved in such conversations..." (Alexandra)
"You won''t be having such conversations, since you don''t have a choice anyway. Just wait until I''m fully grown." (Me)
Alexandra completely ignores my threat and pulls an invisible lever on the wall. Suddenly, a door opens and it reveals a room full of gay posters, gay porn and gay bodypillows.
"Whoops." (Alexandra)
She pulls on another lever and another door opens, which leads to the awesome rollercoaster.The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
"I think I actually want to stay in the other room." (Lydia)
"You fucking don''t." (Me)
I pull her to the front row of the rollercoaster and tie her on it.
PUT YOUR DICK IN HER
''Didn''t you know that I''m a hopeless romantic? I want to set the right mood, with flower petals, nice candlellight and-''
Yeah, I ain''t falling for that
''Wait another 2-3 years, then Imma fuck the shit outta her.''
The ride itself was just a mix between missing tracks, flamethrowers and acid puddles. But it had something which made the ride extremely fun. Don''t know what that was though.
"Oh, is that a sphinx that''s chasing us? Didn''t see one in a while." (Me)
"KILL ME FAST PLEASE!!!!" (Lydia)
"Don''t be such a wuss, Lydia. It''s not like a Hydra is chasing- oh there is one." (Me)
"JBSDFVFVBDFVADBJKFVJK" (Lydia)
''Why didn''t I hear anything from Alexandra the entire ti- oh she''s unconscious''.
Well, the ride ended without anyone actually dying. Which was false advertisement to a certain degree, but I ain''t no lawyer.
In front of us is now another wall, identical to the one which we entered through. Alexandra pulls another lever and the wall opens up.
"YUUUU!!!!" (Aline)
"If he doesn''t live anymore, then I guess every single person on this planet doesn''t need to either." (Janna)
"..." (Me)
What are you just standing there for?
''Well, I''m wondering why no time seemingly passed while I was in that dungeon and also I''m thinking about the best way to fuck with them. And I already thought of something.''
I cover myself in dirt and fish intestines and blink on one of the edges of the hole I fell through a few months ago. I slowly start to crawl out and soon I''m right in their faces.
"IT''S BRITNEY, BITCH!" (Me)
"KYAAAAA" (Aline & Janna)
''And I can scratch another thing I wanted to say from my list.''
Why the fuck would you want to say that?!
''Britney is a classic!''
"I''m just joking girls, we''re still alive." (Me)
"But... but I definetly saw that Lydia wouldn''t come out of that hole anymore..." (Janna)
"I already heard that before, but don''t tell me you can actually see the future or something like that." (Me)
"So we''re just going to ignore the fact that she didn''t want me to come back out of that place? Yes? Alright..." (Lydia)
"I can''t really see the future, but rather I can catch glimpses of what the outcome might be. Has something to do with me being the "holy maiden" of a certain god or something like that. As long as it lets me see you in the future, I can find a use for it." (Janna)
"Ohoho now why would you lie to me like that Janna? It must''ve been a arch-devil, right?" (Me)
"You are as intelligent as ever, my dear brother." (Janna)
''Wait, does that mean she''s really some kind of demons apostle?!''
Aaaaiiiii lmao
''THAT DOESN''T TELL ME ANYTHING!!''
From one moment to another, I suddenly felt Alines embrace.
"*sob* Don''t you ever think of scaring me like that again. I won''t allow it, understood!" (Aline)
I stroke her head in an attempt to console her. But then I grab her by the shoulders and gaze deep in her eyes.
"Aline, there is something very important I have to ask you!" (Me)
"YE- Yes, what is it?" (Aline)
Her excitement seems to build up, but I don''t have time for that right now.
"WHERE IS BELKA!" (Me)
"...........................over there." (Aline)
She points to a dumbfounded catgirl in the corner, who doesn''t seem to have noticed that I was gone.
"GIVE ME THOSE FUCKING EARS!" (Me)
"Meeeeoooooooowww, I tiauld you miaut to touch me there!!!" (Belka)
"I HAVE WAITED 4 MONTHS FOR THIS!" (Me)
I activate "enhancement" to full throttle and stroke the shit out of those fucking cat traits.
"THE TAIL WON''T BE LEFT ALONE EITHER!" (Me)
"NYOOOOOOOOUUUU" (Belka)
How the fuck do you manage to stroke her so much while still dodging all those knives your sister is throwing at her?! INHUMAN REACTIONS!
''THE POWER OF LOVE!''
"Oh right, wasn''t the dungeon just about to collapse when we fell through the hole?" (Me)
*RUUUUMBLE*
"I guess that was the signal the get the fuck out?" (Me)
We run the last few meters to the exit. Finally, we stand before the double doors which started this journey and I push them open.
"WHAT''S POPPING IN PUSSY TOWN BOOOYYYYSSSS!!???" (Me)
"AAHHHH PLEASE DON''T KILL ME!!! *instantly dies a gruesome death*." (Now dead side charcter #1)
"It''s good to be home." (Me)
''I just couldn''t help but miss this smell of death and decay. Waaaaaaaiiiiiiiiitttt. Something is not right.''
"Yes, who is that new whore you brought with you?!" (Janna)
"STOP READING MY THOUGHTS, WOULD YOU?!" (Me)
"Hello, I''m Alexandra. Pleased to meet you." (Alexandra)
"I don''t think that we should have introductions while people are dying..." (Lydia)
"Lydia is right. In moments like these, we should strip-" (Me)
"We''re not stripping." (Lydia)
"Well, then the second option is analyzing the situation. It seems like a few monsters from the dungeon escaped it and are now attacking the school. And why did that happen? ALEXANDRA, YOUR TURN!" (Me)
"Most likely since the dungeon was without a dungeon master for a short amount of time, a few monsters managed to escpae, resulting in a mini-dungeon break." (Alexandra)
"Analysis complete. Our job is done. Ice cream for everyone!" (Me)
"You big idiot! Save those people at once!" (Aline)
"Geez, alright." (Me)
''But for that I need a good soundtrack! SCREENY GO!''
I''M A SCREEN YOU TWAT! HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I PLAY MUSIC?!
''There was once a time when you were usefull. Can''t help it, have to sing it myself!''
I hold my throwing knives in each hand and prepare myself to go on a complete rampage.
''I already have the perfect song for it!''
My first knife finds my target.
"I''M A BARBY GIRL, IN A BARBY WOOOORLD! *stab* LIFE IN PLASTIC IT''S-" (Me)
"GOD PLEASE HELP ME! *KWAK*" (Now dead side character #2)
"COULD YOU DIE MORE QUIET?! I''M TRYING TO SING HERE! God dammit, no manners here... where was I? Oh, right. IT''S FANTASTIC *stab*." (Me)
You really intent to do this for the whole fight, don''t you?
"YOU CAN BRUSH MY HAIR, UNDRESS ME EVERYWHEEEEEERE!" (Me)
You must first fool your enemies
I climb a mountain of monstercorpses. With every step I take, I feel something squish beneath my feet. If someone would look at this scene, then they would only describe it as the murderspree of a wargod.
"~IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIEEENDS. MAKE IT LAST FOREVER, FRIENDSHIP NEVER EEEEENDS!~" (Me)
That is a very interesting warcry, young master. Just as expected.
Why do I have to work with a retard?
"Oh? Already no monsters left, huh? What a shame, I still had my whole playlist to sing. SHIT! I SHOULD''VE SUNG THE OPENING OF LUCKY STAR!" (Me)
I look around me from the top of the mountain and look into pale faces.
"What? Do you want to sing along?" (Me)
MOST CERTAINLY FUCKING NOT?!
"Y-You''re pretty amazing, aren''t you? In what class are you?" (Survivor #1)
"I can kill monsters like these with ease, what fucking class do you think I am?" (Me)
"Are you maybe the representative of the first years?" (Survivor #2)
"If not, then I would be fucking afraid of our first years." (Me)
I slide down the pile of corpses and return to my group, while ignoring the terrified gazes of the others.
''I guess I''ll have quite a bit of a reputation when everything settles down.''
"Yu? Could it be that you became even stronger somehow?" (Aline)
"Didn''t I already tell you? We''ve been down that hole for about 4 months and I only fought monsters stronger than these." (Me)
"4 MONTHS?! But you were only away for 5 hours?!" (Janna)
"5 seconds." (Aline)
''Her perception of time goes apeshit crazy when I''m not there, gotcha.''
"In time of doubt, ask Alexandra!" (Me)
"The time inside of the inner parts of the dungeon flows way faster than outside. Even if you were to go there for a thousand years, only one minute would go by in the real world." (Alexandra)
"So that means I could train there until I''m overpowered?" (Me)
"Yes, but you couldn''t come out again. We''ve already once used the only exit and it won''t reset." (Alexandra)
"Tch." (Me)
Suddenly someone grabs me by the shoulder. I turn around and look a certain person right in his visage.
"Would you fucking die already?! You''re betraying your own name!" (Me)
"If you hadn''t saved us from a calamity, then I would give you a nice little whooping right now. I''m here to deliver a message." (Unneeded person #1 who will probably die soon)
"Yeah, yeah. Just bring me to the headmaster." (Me)
"I won''t even ask why you know that." (Unneeded person #1 who will probably die soon)
I say some last words to my little group and follow my teacher to the headmasters office. It''s a little bit hidden, since you literally have to cross a fucking labyrinth to get there, but it does have some style.
We arrive after about 15 minutes of being lost and I open the double doors... by kicking them open.
"THE SAVIOUR OF YOUR ACADEMY ARRIVED!" (Me)The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
In the next moment, I feel something grab me by the ankle and pull me up.
"I think you lack some manners? *slap*" (???)
I feel a burning pain run through my behind.
"WHOMST''D''VE HIT ME BUTTOCKS?!" (Me)
I try to blink away, only to find out that for some reason my magic is blocked. But I''m not completely hopeless without my magic, or else my whole DEX stat would be for naught, so I wrap my free leg around my attackers neck and pull myself up. With the gained momentum, I try to throw my attacker down, but at that moment he throws me away, and quiet crudely if I had to say.
I land safely and take a look at my attacker. A voluptuous chest greets me, caged in a brown suit with an office skirt. Normally, that''s the normal thing to wear at your workplace, but right now it seems more like a provocation of my imagination. Her face has a mature charm to it, and with the brown hair tied to a bun she looks just like a teacher out of certain adult movies.
"Are you single by chance?" (Me)
"Been single since I was born. I''m married with work." (???)
"Ever got defiled?" (Me)
"No." (???)
"Want to get defiled?" (Me)
"Only by the right man." (???)
Every single question I ask, she answers coolly without even blinking.
''I don''t think I can really do what I want while being with her.''
I put on a serious expression, which makes it seem like the show before that was just an act.
So you can also be serious?
''If the situation needs it, sure. If I''m with people who I either don''t care about or I''m already comfortable with, then why should I watch out for how I act?''
That... actually makes sense...
''And the actual reason for why I actually go apeshit crazy recently still hasn''t been revealed to you yet *wink*.''
Maybe your libido makes you go crazy?
''HOW DID YOU KNOW?!''
"Ho? Your aura changed? Not bad for a thirteen year old." (???)
"So? What do you need from me?" (Me)
"First things first, my name is Stephanie Ross. I''m your headmaster." (Stephanie)
"My name is Yu Krifta. But I guess you already knew that." (Me)
"Why shouldn''t I know the savior of our school?" (Stephanie)
"Get to the point." (Me)
"Fine. The information, that a first year saved our academy, already travelled through the whole city. The royal court wants to honor you with a public ceremony, which would then give you a high chance of later becoming an important person either in the army or in the royal guard itself." (Stephanie)
''Sounds good at first, since I would get a certain amount of fame from just attending one ceremony. But there''s still something that bugs me.''
"I refuse." (Me)
A grin appears on Stephanies face.
"And why is that?" (Stephanie)
"I think you already know it, but the royal family basically wants to tie me down to their country by telling everyone how hard I fought for them. I would practically be just another chess piece in their hands." (Me)
"Splendid. Fantastic Yu! Finally someone who doesn''t want to be under the fangs of royalty!" (Stephanie)
"I think you misunderstood." (Me)
After thinking about it, I finally found the reason why I couldn''t activate magic since I entered this room. A magic circle hidden under the carpet was the cause of it. I throw a knife right at the edge of the cicle, causing it to be interrupted.
"I don''t only want to "not be a chesspiece" for them. I want to become "them"." (Me)
I blink on the leatherchair which probably belongs to the headmaster. Behind it is a huge window through which you can see the whole campus.
"Wha- what do you mean by saying that you want to become "them"?" (Stepanie)
Finally, her expression lets out a bit of emotion.
"Just think about it, Stephanie." (Me)
"You can''t actually mean that you want to become a power higher than royalty, can you?" (Stephanie)
"Why shouldn''t I?" (Me)
Stephanie falls into thought for a few seconds, before blurting something out which I already expected.
"The- then we can work together! With my help it ought to be easi-" (Stephanie)
"I bet you thought that I would be easy to handle, right headmaster?" (Me)
"...So what if I did?" (Stephanie)
"I guess you must''ve heard from everyone that I''m just another strong student, who coincidentally has a few screws loose." (Me)
"Well, you just massacred a horde of monsters of calamity class while singing, so yes. I still think you have a few screws loose." (Stephanie)
"Do you really think I act like a fool and do all those things just for shits and giggles?" (Me)
"Why do you do them then?" (Stephanie)
"The whole secret lies in confusing the enemy, so that he cannot fathom our real intent -Sun Tzu in "The art of war". Don''t you think that that actually fits pretty well right now?" (Me)
Stephanie looks at me speechlessly.
"I guess you don''t really know what I''m talking about. Don''t think that you can ever control someone like me. If you can control someone like me, then you could even control the gods." (Me)
I stand up from the leatherchair and make my way, slowly, to the exit.
"Wait!" (Stephanie)
Her last plead rings through my ears.
"I''m listening." (Me)
She looks at me with an agape mouth, but nothing comes out.
"If you actually find the words you were trying to say, then come to my room. You''re always welcome *wink*." (Me)
This may have sounded like a joke, but my face was serious the whole time.
I think I remember why I was assigned to you.
''What? Have you finally fallen for me as well?''
But should you really tell her all that?
''Haven''t you learned anything from the conversation just now? Nothing I do is without a reason.''
I finally exit the headmasters office. My teacher in summoning magic greets me, since he waited outside the whole time.
"What did you talk about?" (Unneeded person #1 who will probably die soon)
"We talked about our favorite food. What the fuck do you think we talked about?" (Me)
WE HAVE A WINNER!
It has been a few days since the mini-dungeon break, and I just live my everyday life like any other.
"I want it." (Me)
"No." (Alexandra)
"You''re practically my slave! You can''t just disobey my orders!" (Me)
"Yes, I can." (Alexandra)
"This is just fucking ridiculous. AM I TALKING TO A WALL?!" (Me)
Maybe she needs a bit more "persuasion"?
"I will fucking hit you, if you don''t make me that weapon." (Me)
That''s... not the right technique to persuade someone...
Well, maybe my everyday life is not like any other, like I thought...
"I don''t understand what''s so wrong about a huge tentacle whip that moves to my will?!" (Me)
"HOW ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU MORON?!" (Alexandra)
"Tch..." (Me)
Why I''m asking Alexandra to make me a weapon, you ask? A quick glance at her status gives you a quick answer.
STATUS
STATS
Level: 466 Statpoints: 0
HP: 140 MP: 22325 HP REGEN: 0.65/sec MP REGEN: 2.10/sec
STR: 8 DEX: 13 END: 65 INT: 320 WIS: 210 CHR: 26 LCK: 30
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Creation (Greater); Magic smithing; Ice spear; Field of Ice; Freeze; Icy bind; Ice weapon creation; Blizzard; Battleform (Ice Queen); Ice Prison;
PASSIVE: Magic control (Higher); Leadership; Strategic knowledge; Magic Potential (Lesser);
AFFINITIES: Ice (75%)
TITLES
"Ice Princess"
"Shit, you''re old"
"Everlasting"
"Nothing can bring you down"
CONTRACTS
ERROR: Lacking mana
''There are still a few things which interest me, for example her "Battleform" or her contracts, but she wouldn''t answer me even if I ask... why did I take such a rebellious dungeon master as my treasure*sigh*.''
I told you that you would regret it
''Do you seriously expect that I refrain from taking another potential heroine?! You should know me well enough already!''
I know. I''m starting to like the rebellious loli baba as well(??)
''Aaahhh, I see you slowly start to get back to your old self.''
These arguments went on already for 2 days, and I only managed to persuade her to make me 2 weapons (although she practically belongs to me).
Sharp electrified Alloyed Shark Throwing knife
Rank: Unique
Attack: 210
Options: 1. Ignore 50% of enemys defense (inludes armor and natural defense)
2. If embedded with lightning, then 45% damage increase
3. Is able to be embedded with lightning
Durability: 350/350
"A strong throwing knife made from the tooth of a Razor Megashark. Since it''s made by an experienced dungeon master, it was able to have 3 options. Making it nearly at the level of a national treasure.
Brutal bleeding Alloyed Ray Dagger
Rank: Unique
Attack: 750
Options: 1. 70% pain increase if enemy is hit at vital spot
2. If enemy is hit, the status "bleeding" will be added (0.125% HP loss per second)
3. Is able to be embedded with lightning
Durability: 1800/1800
Made from the sting of a deathray by an experienced dungeon master. The specialty of bleeding the enemy to death, before finally devouring it after unneeded torture, transfered over to this weapon, making it a very cruel weapon.
''These weapons really are quiet nice, but I just know that she did them half assed. I feel it in my prostate.''
"I have to go to class now. If I come back and don''t see my awesome whip on the table, then I''ll sell you to the next brothel." (Me)
"YOU''LL DO WHAT?!" (Alexandra)
I close the door behind me and leave a panicking, 1500 year old dungeon master behind.
"Come on, we''re late." (Lydia)
"Who said you had to wait for me?" (Me)Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
"I-...God dammit." (Lydia)
"Yeah, who said you should have waited for him?" (Janna)
''JESUS CHRIST ON A MOTORBIKE! WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE COME FROM?!''
"Oh hey, little sis." (Me)
Yeah, just hide the fact that you are afraid of the ablities of your own sister.
''Why the hell is she so strong anyways?! I''m certain that I can still defeat her if I go all out, but I mean I''m a reincarnated and blessed by god... there must be something wrong with her...''
I already told you. Somehow even I can''t get information from her. Which is pretty creepy, since I''m practically part of the akashic record...
''You''re probably just too stupid to read her status.''
I''m part of the mightiest being in all existence and I have to be insulted by a manchild who has a few psychological problems. What has my life come to?
We arrive to class a bit late, since Joanna already arrived and started lecturing, but she didn''t even dare to scold me. I sit down on my seat, pull Belka quickly to my side, and listen to what Joanna wants to say.
"In a nutshell, the annual school tournament is in 4 months. The tournament is a huge event and the whole kingdom will be watching. You''ll have to fight against other schools from the whole continent, so you won''t be just fighting humans. You can be in groups or fight alone. If you want to, then you can even do both. Anyone who wants to participate should say it now." (Joanna)
''*grin*''
"I want to participa-! AAHHH!!!" (Annoying classmate #1 now with a knife in his hand)
"Joanna! I want to participate!" (Me)
"Anyone?" (Joanna)
"Me! Me! Pick me!" (Me)
"No one?" (Joanna)
The whole class looks down nervously.
"I want to!" (Me)
"SOMEONE ELSE?" (Joanna)
Suddenly a knife lands a few centimeters away from her face. It actually did cut a few hairstrands, but that doesn''t matter.
"I just fucking said that I want to, didn''t I?!" (Me)
"Ah, Yu! If you wanted to participate, then you should have said so! Do you want to participate in team or solo fights?" (Joanna)
''Oh wow, she''s suddenly so nice. I guess our relationship really did get better recently.''
Did I just imagine the knife, which literally threatened her life just now, or are you just trying to lie to yourself?
''A little bit of both?''
I look at my little group of heroines and they just nod at me.
''We understand each other without words huh? I think our relationship is beautiful.''
"I want to participate in single matches please!" (Me)
''Don''t you get a joke? AND SINCE WHEN CAN YOU SEND GIFS TO MY BRAIN?!''
I''m the almighty screen from god. I can send everything to your brain.
''*cough*Does that include "the good stuff" as well?''
Of course (???)
''PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY SCREENY!!!''
"I meant that I want to participate in both matches please." (Me)
"The team matches have to be in a group of 6. Who do you want to fight with?" (Joanna)
"Me, Aline Eisenhaus, Janna Krifta, Estelle Kyltja, Lydia Kwas and Belka Kot will be in my team." (Me)
"Alright, I''ll note it down. Wait a second." (Joanna)
Why do you want to participate in that tournament anyways?
''Well, there are multiple reasons. Of course there is the prize money that I''ll most likely get and maybe there will be a few weapons to win as well, but the most important is the social standing and the increase in fame.''
Why the fuck does someone like you need fame?
''Just think about it. By refusing the offer of being honored by the king himself, I practically said that I''m not their ally. Right?''
Right.
''Their feelings towards that refusal should be pretty complex. On the one hand they see me as a threat, but on the other hand I''m still a potential, incredibly strong ally. They are most likely discussing right now if they should get rid of me or not.''
Makes sense.
''That''s where the tournament comes in. While fighting I''ll probably build up a fanbase and if I win, then that''s even better, since that fanbase will just get bigger. Can they really just get rid of me so carelessly then, although I''m accepted by the common folk as an idol?''
Probably not.
''This equals in dispute between them, since some are going to stick to their opinion of getting rid of me and some probably want to win me over. A kingdom, whose rulers aren''t in harmony, is weakened. Why I''m aiming for that, I''ll tell you when the time has come.''
You...YOU CAN ACTUALLY THINK THINGS THROUGH?!
''I''m quite capable.''
I see how Estelle comes my way, before obviously tripping intentionally.
"Oh nooooo..." (Estelle)
''Could she at least make it look a bit authentic? I, as a lover of the art of acting, am enraged!''
Estelle lands with her face right on my crotch and doesn''t look like she wants to stand up again.
"GET AWAY FROM HIIIIIIM!" (Janna)
"*pout*."(Aline)
"ART THOU TRYING TO UNLEASH EXCALIBUR?!" (Me)
I try to refrain myself from fucking her right on the table, but she just continues to push her face and soft cheeks against my dick. Right when I wanted to grab her and pull her outside, a shadow flashes past me and Estelle vanished.
''Alright, that was as abnormal as it gets. I refuse to believe that my little sister is just another person.''
Janna sits right where she was before, as if nothing happened. But I''m 100% sure that she was the shadow.
''Analyzing eyes.''
STATUS
STATS
Level: ERROR ??Statpoints: ERROR
HP: ERROR ??MP: ERROR ??HP REGEN: ERROR ??MP REGEN:ERROR
STR: ERROR ??DEX:ERROR ??END:ERROR ??INT:ERROR ??WIS:ERROR ??CHR:ERROR ??LCK:ERROR
ABILITIES
ACTIVE:ERROR
PASSIVE: ERROR
AFFINITIES: ERROR
TITLES
ERROR
ERROR
"Reincarnated by ERROR"
''I fucking knew it.''
Wait, so she''s a reincarnated as well?! And why were you able to read that but I wasn''t?
''Fuck do I know. But I sure as hell want to know who she is.''
I grab Jannas arm and pull her outside the classroom without caring if Joanna even notices us.
"BYE BITCHES! I''M GONNA LOSE MY VIRGINITY NOW!" (Janna)
I open the door and exit the classroom with Janna in tow. With the door closed I look Janna deep in the eyes.
"If you wanted to do it out here, then you could have just said so*blush*." (Janna)
"Who were you?" (Me)
"Who I am? I''m your sister of course!" (Janna)
Janna looks at me with an innocent smile which reminds me of her early years.
"You heard me. I asked who youwere." (Me)
"Wha- what do you mean? I was always your little sister and I will always be!" (Janna)
"Okay I''ll get to the point. I know that you were reincarnated and therefore must''ve been someone else in your past life. I just want to know who you were." (Me)
"Oooohh, you mean that? Why didn''t you say so? I would''ve told you if you just asked nicely." (Janna)
"So? Who were you?" (Me)
"Well, in my past life I was a 20 year old girl and lived a pretty normal life." (Janna)
''THANK GOD SHE WASN''T AN OLD FAT BASTARD IN HER PAST LIFE! PRAISE SATAN!''
Really? You were worried aboutthat?
''Fuck yeah, I was.''
"Phew, alright, with that most of my worries are gone. Could you give me more details? I''m actually pretty curious about who you were." (Me)
''I want to know if she was one of those DAMN people with a social life or one of the better ones.''
You''re just fucking unbelievable
"Uuuuhhh, sure. Like already said, I lived a pretty average life. I had some close friends but not too many. I never had a boyfriend. Well, one guy was close to being one, but because of certain circumstances I couldn''t be together with him. He was pretty funny and had above average looks, but in the end he just vanished. No one could find him. It''s like he was kidnapped." (Janna)
''That... sounds oddly familiar...''
"Anyways, what didn''t I cover until now? Oh right, my name. My name in my past life was Sophia Kanon and-" (Janna)
At that moment, everything blacked out for me.
"..." (Me)
"Yu?" (Janna)
"HahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS GREAT! THIS IS JUST FUCKING GREAT! TRULY, GOD YOU HAVE GIVEN ME MORE ENCOUNTER LUCK THAN I COULD''VE EVER WISHED FOR!" (Me)
"Wha- what do you mean?" (Janna)
I want to ask the same. Did you know her or what?
''Know her? KNOW HER YOU ASK?! Let me answer that question with another question. Do you know how I died in my past life?''
Suicide by falling down a building, right?
''BING BONG! WE HAVE A FUCKING WINNER! And why did I commit suicide?''
Well, in your introduction file it says that it was because of depression. This depression was caused by problems with your family and "somehow you got to the point of breaking"
''BING BONG! ANOTHER FUCKING POINT! And now let me ask you my final question. Who do you think got me to "that point"?''
Wait... YOU DON''T MEAN-
''HAHAHA YOU''RE FUCKING RIGHT AGAIN! SHE WAS THE REASON I COMMITED SUICIDE!''
Hard feelings, you know?
Alright, so what happened with her? I think that cliffhanger made us wait long enough.
''But don''t you feel the suspense? Normally you would now start with another side story and only after 10 chapters you would-
I swear to christ I''ll quit my job if you do that.
''Jeez, alright. Doesn''t even know how to build up suspense. I hate working with amateurs. Well, you know what happened in my past life right?''
Something along the lines of a badly depressed and crippled mother, dead father and useless siblings?
''Yep, that was all tragic as fuck. Tears fell and we all were so sad. Fuck that.''
Oi, wouldn''t that be the moment I would have to feel sympathy for you?
''Didn''t I just say fuck that?''
Just continue with the storyЩ ( b-b)
''As I''ve mentioned before, my personality adapted and I couldn''t really take anything seriously anymore. I secluded myself in my room, except of school of course, and became the introverted bum that I am now. Of course I was still attractive and cool and aweso-
I SAID CONTINUE WITH THE STORYߩ c(`)? ߩ
''*cough* I secluded myself until a certain girl entered my life. This girl, Sophia Kanon, interested me for a while since we''ve had a few classes together and damn...''
What?
''She had big tits. I mean like serious D-Cups. That was the only reason I started to talk to her and tried conquer her with my infinite charm.''
I don''t think I have any tables left, do I? OH THERE''S ONE! (???)?ߩ
''So with the only thoughts being her big tits, I started to approach her. To be honest, she was a pain in the ass at first. Rude, unlikable and insulted me whenever she had the time. But once you came closer to her, she held you dear and treated you with care. And me, being treated with care, was already a very rare thing to happen. We spent a lot of time together, So I unconsciously started to open my heart to her, which I''ve thought I closed off from everyone. A pretty dumb mistake on my part.''
So you were once on the verge of being one of those real people as well?
''Please don''t remind me of my dark past. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES!''
YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! IT WAS SAID THAT YOU WOULD DESTROY THE REAL PEOPLE, NOT JOIN THEM! BRING BALANCE TO THE... shit
''Yeah, doesn''t work well at that part, does it?''
Fuck you
''Anyways. It''s the first time that I opened up my heart to anyone in years. Before that, I locked out any person in my life without a second thought. Maybe because I didn''t want to risk having a potential danger to my sanity or maybe just because I was too lazy to have working relationships. And I bet most of those guys I''ve locked out would''ve been able to be good friends, but of course I chose the one person who would later abandon me to enter my life... *sigh*.''
What happened then?
''Well, what do you guess happened? After having the first working friendship in years, I naturally started to fall in love with her, although I still thought at that time, that I''m still just in it for the tits.''
Completely relatable
''We started to spend even more time together, and then came the moment I confessed.''
And?
''She refused me of course lol. This is a tragic backstory, I don''t get any love here! She stopped all contact with me and like that, the first person I''ve opened up to, vanished from my life *fake sob*.''
Why do you have to be sarcastic even at these moments?
''Just see it as the privilege of the abandoned. With her, the only person I trusted in years, leaving me just like that, I finally abandoned all hope on humanity. I gave them one chance, and they have failed me spectacularly. I wasn''t really able to ridicule everything anymore, since I''ve already started to take some things seriously again and all the shit which my family went through, then was able to hit me directly with a critical hit. You know what came after that: Depression gets worse, climb the stairs up a building yadi yadi yada.This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
...I don''t really know what to say. I honestly thought you died just for a last bad joke or something like that.
''Nah. It was actually a valid reason. Pretty surprising, isn''t it?''
"Yu? Are you really okay?" (Janna)
Unknown to me, my expression distorted into a grotesque smile.
''Screeny? What do you think my reaction, to her being the reason I commited suicide, will be?''
To be honest, I don''t really know. First I guessed that you would kill her or do something just as cruel, but she''s still your beloved little sister. So I can''t really give you an answer.
''Well, just watch me.''
I grab Jannas chin and pull her in on a deep kiss. I push my tongue inside her mouth as deep as I can and don''t let her escape, not even letting her take a breather. First, her body stiffened up, but after she got over the surprise she went limp with a flushed expression on her face.
"That''s what I''m gonna do." (Me)
"Hehehehehehe." (Janna)
Janna just laughs with a weird expression on her face. Her face is bright red and her breathing hard. She spasmed for a bit, before falling on her knees.
''Wait... did she just cum?''
That was actually pretty damn surprising. I thought you would hate her now?
''Why the fuck would I hate her now? She''s the reason I was able to escape from my past and now I''m living the life I''ve always dreamed of! I hated my past life. I just was constantly on auto-pilot and waited for the day to pass by. Do you think I had some regrets left? Fuck no. I''m more grateful to her than anything!''
I kneel down and look Janna in the eyes.
"My dear, beloved little sister. I have something to confess. I''m a reincarnated too!" (Me)
"Of course *pant* you are *pant*. I already predicted that since the moment *pant* you were able to do flips when we still slept together in one bed *pant*." (Janna)
''Damn, she saw that? AND WHY DOES SHE PREDICT BETTER THAN ME?!''
"Do you want to know what my name was in my past life?" (Me)
"I want to know everything about you. I want to know the way you looked. I want to know where you lived. I want to know what shampoo you use-" (Janna)
"I''m just gonna skip that part since It''s weird. My name waaaaaaas DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!" (Me)
*DRUM ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL*
''Shit, she can''t hear it.''
I proceed to tap on the ground very fast.
"JASON BROOK. My name was Jason Brook." (Me)
''That wasn''t as exciting as I thought it would be...''
Janna looks at me with a dumbfounded expression. "Dumbfounded" can''t even be used to describe it. It''s more like she lost all reasoning.
"*sob*I''m so*hic*glad." (Janna)
Holy fuck, why isshe the one crying now?
''Isn''t that the scenario where she reveals her sad past and the reason why she wasn''t able to become my girlfriend, before finally admitting that she loved me too?''
HOLY FUCK AND WHY ARE YOUR PREDICTIONS SO ACCURATE RIGHT NOW?!
''I can''t lose to an amateur, can I?''
"Since the moment*hic* I rejected your proposal, I regretted my whole life. I didn''t want to*hic* reject you, but there was no other way!" (Janna)
''Told you.''
God dammit
"Why was there no other way?" (Me)
Janna slowly started to calm down.
"Do you still remember how much I didn''t want you to befriend me?" (Janna)
"I remember being insulted, ignored and screamed at. Not that I didn''t like i- .... *sigh*I thought we were over the whole "masochist" thing, author?" (Me) (Author Note: Can''t stop the masochist train.)
"Yes, well that had a reason. That reason is also the one I''m here right now." (Janna)
''I''m slowly getting sick of all those backstories.''
"I was actually very sick. At the time you approached me, I had only about 4 months left to live. But you just didn''t stop pushing yourself onto me, and at the end I just thought "Why not?". So I started to be friends with you." (Janna)
''And that''s the reason why I commited suicide. FUCKING WHY NOT, RIGHT?!''
"First, I thought that you were just a simple guy, who laughs at everything you see and generally was just happy with life. Then I got to know you better. I learned how much more was inside you, how much more you actually were." (Janna)
A prebuscent, perverted manchild?
''Yeah, right. Just watch.''
"You were actually a prebuscent, perverted manchild." (Janna)
HA! GOTCHA!
''FUCK BOTH OF YOU!''
"But you were aslso suffering just like me. While I was able to enjoy the rest of my life at least, you were doomed to suffer. You were the first person who had a life as shit as me. I started to develop feelings for you. First they might have been sympathy or just pity, but soon I couldn''t think about anything but you. Then you confessed to me." (Janna)
''Please God, if you''re there, then let her skip that part.''
COME ON! GIVE ME THE GOOD STUFF!
"I have to admit, it was a bit weird how you did it, but cute nevertheless. At that moment-" (Janna)
''HA! SHE SKIPPED IT!''
FUCK
"-various thoughts went through my mind. How our relationship would develop. How long it could last. How happy we could be. But then the thought of how much time I had left creeped up in my mind. I thought about how much you had to suffer if I, as your lover, died. I just couldn''t do that to you." (Janna)
''I WAS FUCKING COCKBLOCKED BY A SICKNESS! FUCK ME!''
Ultimate Virgin: Jason Brook edition
"That''s why I rejected you. I didn''t want you to think anymore about me, so I didn''t contact you again. 2 weeks later you vanished and I died in the same month." (Janna)
''*sigh*I wasn''t able to see her tits after all...''
I put my hand on Jannas cheek.
"I''m just glad that I didn''t spend my whole past life not being loved by anyone." (Me)
Janna just smiles at me. I turn around and walk back to class, but not without turning around one last time.
"Oh yeah, I think I used sy*ss as a shampoo in my last life. The black one." (Me)
"Oh, I knew that. I even knew when you used it." (Janna)
''I''m just going to ignore that.''
Summoning is easy
I open the door to our classroom and immediately a bunch of well known girls, who were stacked on another, fall through.
"I- I wasn''t interested in what you were doing or something like that. I just... YEAH, I THOUGHT THAT THE DOOR NEEDED SOME SKINSHIP!" (Aline)
''That''s literally the worst excuse she''s given me so far.''
"That''s literally the worst excuse you''ve given me so far." (Me)
"Uuhh." (Aline)
Aline is on the verge of crying. Tears already started to form around her eyes and her face flushes in a scarlet colour.
''Time to play the nice guy again.''
The fact that you have to "play" him, is already sad enough.
"You don''t have to be embarrassed. I don''t mind if you get a bit jealous. I would get jealous as well if someone were to approach you." (Me)
We look each other in the eyes. Aline seems to get even redder than before and a rose colored atmosphere surrounds us.
"I just wanted to know if you guys were really fucking." (Estelle)
Well... at least she''s honest?
''That just completely ruined the good mood...''
"And why are you here Lydia? Are you finally facing your feelings?" (Me)
"I AM NOT! I was just...uuuhhh... I waaaaaas... damn it." (Lydia)
"You lack Alines creativity." (Me)
I go back to class and realize that Joanna isn''t present anymore.
''Don''t you tell me...''
I turn around and see how a certain teacher tries to wriggle out of the mountain of girls stacked on top of her.
''I DIDN''T EVEN TRY TO CONQUER HER! THERE WAS NO EVENT THAT COULD''VE MADE HER FALL FOR ME!''
"*cough* It''s my duty as a teacher to prevent our students to engage in any inappropriate deeds." (Joanna)
''I literally treated her like shit.''
"ALRIGHT LET''S GO BACK TO CLASS, SHALL WE?!" (Joanna)
Joanna goes back to teaching with a nervous expression on her face. The rest of the class passed without anything special happening. Well, nothing special if you ignore the fact that Janna SNIFFED MY FUCKING HAIR!
"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that you are now allowed to leave the school in case that you want to prepare something for the school tournament." (Joanna)
I jump up abruptly and run towards the door.
"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" (Janna)
"FUCK Y''ALL, I''M GONNA GO SEE THE RED LIGHT DIST-!" (Me)
Suddenly 5 girls tackle me right in the back.
"WHO''S TOUCHING MY ASS?!" (Me)
"Oops." (Deep voice coming from nowhere)
''HE''S BACK, AND NOW HE''S EVEN TOUCHING ME PHYSICALLY!''
I look around me and try to find the culprit, but except of the 5 girls I can''t seem to find anyone.
''THIS FUCKER! I''LL GET YOU ONE DAY!''
God I love it that I already know what that voice is. PRAISE THE SYSTEM PEASANT!
''Sometimes I regret having picked you as an ability from god.''
You would''ve gotten me either way, so no need to regret.
"Alright girls, you can calm down now. I won''t be going to the red light district. It was just a sudden urge that washed over me." (Me)
''I''m pretty sure I can fuck at least 3 of them any time I want to, so no need to see some whore.''
"But I need to go to the city for real, since I have to prepare a few things. Do you guys want to come along?" (Me)
"Yes!" (Fucking all of them except for Lydia)
"Why should I?" (Lydia)
"Fuck do I care. You can stay here if you want to." (Me)Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.
"Ugh, I guess I''ll go if you insist so much." (Lydia)
''Did she even listen to me?''
"Alright! Then let''s go to the city!" (Me)
"Yeah!" (Everyone)
''Is that a giant with 12 arms and chainsaws as hands? Huh... neat.''
"YUUUU, HEEELP MEEEEEE!" (Lydia)
"YUUUU, ONE IS OVER HERE TOO!" (Aline)
"YUUUU, HELP MEEEOOOWWW PWEASSSSEE!" (Belka)
"I''m alright." (Janna)
The observant reader would surely ask himself what kind of disaster could happen in 2 hours which even makes the second strongest in school run in fear. Well, let me tell you something.
It was a nice day. The sun shone and we were on our way to the lower district. We were going down a wide street and a cart pulled by horses passed us. Some of us wanted to go shopping and some just wanted to waste some time. Meanwhile my goal was completely different.
"Good day, sir!" (Me)
"Fuck you." (Rude stranger)
''What a rude fellow.''
I don''t want to go into detail, but later I burned his house down.
''As expected, no one really knows my face yet. Time to change that.Screeny? Do you want to see some magic?''
Well, you are proficient in lightning magi-
''No no no no. I meant real magic. Just watch.''
"ABRACADABRA, OUR LIFE IS SO PEACEFUL! I BET NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN RIGHT NOW, SINCE THIS TOWN HASN''T BEEN ATTACKED FOR 100 YEARS! I MIGHT AS WELL CONFESS MY LOVE TO SOMEONE WHEN I COME BACK!" (Me)
*ROOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR*
Jesus Christ DID YOU JUST SUMMON MONSTERS WITH A DEATH FLAG?!
''Summoning circles are for noobs. I just summoned monsters with a well known magic spell and will now defeat them to increase my fame.''
THAT''S WHAT I FUCKING SAID, ISN''T IT?!
"Yu? What was that scream just now?" (Lydia)
"From my excellent hearing I can deduce that it should be something along the lines of a sabertooth tiger. But instead of normal teeth, it literally has lightsabers as teeth." (Me)
"How... how did you hear that?" (Aline)
"Do you really have to ask?" (Me)
And well, now we''re surrounded by monsters who would normally only attack if a demon lord would invade.
''IS THAT SILVESTER STALLONE RIDING A VELOCIRAPTOR?! I THINK I MIGHT''VE OVERDONE IT WITH THE DEATH FLAGS!''
My arms are working overtime right now, since I have to throw my knives in all directions while simultaneously protecting 3 of my heroines from any monsters.
"LOOK AT THAT KID! HOW CAN HE HOLD ALL THOSE MONSTERS AT BAY FOR SO LONG?!" (Guard #1)
"THAT''S ONE HELL OF A KID!" (Adventurer #1)
''Seems like I''m getting a bit more famous now. Just as planned.''
Is that terminator part of your plan too?
''HOLY FUCK!''
The whole situation only calmed down after a few hours had passed. My whole groupexcept of Jannais completely exhausted and some are even a bit wounded.
"Pain, pain go away." (Me)
"You- you don''t have to heal that part t- AHN!" (Aline)
''Oh yes I fucking do!''
"Hey there, lil'' boy. Are ya tha one who cleared this area of th'' invasion?" (Buff and huge man)
''STOP INTERFERING!''
"And every other area too, yes. This was actually even more difficult than the dungeon break at our school." (Me)
"So ya are tha boy from tha rumours, huh? Ma name''s Klein and am the Guild master of this towns adventurer guild. Nice ta meecha!" (Klein)
Klein stretches his bulky hand out, which alone was nearly as big as my face, and shows me a card which seems to serve as a proof of his identity.
''He looks like he only has muscles for brains even though he''s the guild master. He might be an important chess piece to control.''
"Hello guild master, my name''s Yu Krifta." (Me)
"Well then, lil'' boy, I actually have some business wicha. Care ta go for a walk with ol'' me?" (Klein)
''Either he''ll reward me for the heroic deeds I''ve done or he''ll try to get on my good side in some other way. I guess there won''t be any harm in following him.''
"Can my little group come with us?" (Me)
Klein looks behind me and notices the 5 girls who talk with each other. A smug grin appears on his face.
"Oi lil'' boy, already a womanizer at your age huh? Way''ta go. Sure, I don''t mind them following us." (Klein)
I call them to us and we go together to the adventurer guild. It''s the first time that I''m able to look at it closely so I''m a bit excited.
"Come in, come in. No need''a be shy!" (Klein)
My group enters through the western styled double doors. As soon as I set foot in the guild, the smell of smoke, alcohol and sweat fills my nose. All around us are intimidating adventurers who glare at me like I just insulted their ancestors, holding some kind of beverage in their hand and sitting at a round table.
''Feels like back at home!''
Do you mean the smell, the intimidating people or the feeling of not being welcome?
''Do I really have to answer that?''
All of the above it is then
"Oi guys, stop glaring like bad guys. Y''all couldn''t even hurt a fly." (Klein)
A jar flies towards him, but he dodges splendidly by stepping aside.
"They always like to play around." (Klein)
He leads us upstairs where a row of rooms awaits us. We enter a vacant one and sit down.
"So? What business do you have to talk with me about?" (Me)
"It''s real simple. Ya''re about 13, right?" (Klein)
"Right." (Me)
"Well, we would''a invited ya to become an adventurer, but ya''re too young for that. So we wanna hire ya as an emergency help." (Klein)
"Details." (Me)
"In case of an emergency you would have ta help us. In exchange ya would get money every month, doesn''t matta if ya had ta help us or not." (Klein)
"I don''t want to be bound to help you. I propose that every time there is danger, you contact me and then I''ll decide if I''m going to help." (Me)
''Not that they have a choice anyways...''
"Damn, well then I''ve ta refuse ya lil'' boy." (Klein)
''What...''
"To be honest ya were our second option. We just wanted to know if ya would get us a betta deal." (Klein)
"What? Who would be able to replace me?!" (Me)
"Kids these days sure are something. It''s actually girl your age." (Klein)
''Oh so it''s just another heroine. I already thought that my first rival would''ve appeared...''
That you just take it like it''s a fact is a bit infuriating...
"Well then, I guess this conversation is over. Farewell old man." (Me)
"Ya lil'' rascal. Who are ya ta call me ol'' man?" (Klein)
"What, it''s over already? That didn''t even last 5 minutes?" (Lydia)
''Won''t be the last time I''m hearing that.''
What
''What?''
I open the door and step outside the room with a question occupying my head.
''I wonder when I''ll meet the new heroine?''
In the next moment I hear the door from the room next to us open. Out of it comes a masked girl. She wears a black, tattered cape which barely covers her revealing armor. The mask only covers her face and lets her white, short hair show. It isn''t quiet like Belkas, since it has a blue touch to it, but makes her look pure nevertheless. The revealing armor I mentioned lets her stomach in the open and only covers her breasts and shoulders. Her body couldn''t be defined as well proportioned, but rather very slim and athletic. But that doesn''t really matter since that actually fits her more than when she would have an hourglass figure.
"That was fast." (Me)
"Another enemy appeared!" (Janna)
How (not) to part in a cool manner
"Another enemy appeared!" (Janna)
I slap her on the back of her head.
"No she''s not. She''ll most likely be another one of your sisters in law, so be nice to her." (Me)
"YOU CAN''T GET OTHER WOMEN! I''M ALREADY PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD!" (Janna)
"WAIT WHAT?!" (Me)
''DID SHE REALLY DO SOMETHING IN MY SLEEP?! I HOPED SHE WOULDN''T GO THAT FAR!''
Janna puts on a smug expression, which gives off a feeling of her being superior to my other heroines.
"Hmpf! Of course I''m pregnant with his child! He kissed me after all!" (Janna)
"...wat? WAIT WHAT?!" (Me)
''Okay let''s think about it really quick. I kissed her when she revealed that she was the love interest of my last life. Right?''
Right
''But we didn''t have sex yet, right?''
Affirmative
''Wait... now that I think about it. When she was still a child, she didn''t really get any sexual innuendos which my mother loved to insult me with. HOW THE FUCK DOESN''T SHE KNOW ABOUT THE HUMAN WAY OF PROCREATION, ALTHOUGH SHE''S MENTALLY NEARLY 30 YEARS OLD?!''
"Janna, I''ll have to teach you a lot when we go back to the academy. A. whole. fucking. lot." (Me)
"Huh? Not that I mind, but why is everyone staring at me with such a pitiful expression?" (Janna)
''It''s actually fucking unbelievable that she doesn''t know how babys are born, although she was in college...''
Later I found out that she was actually homeschooled for her whole life except of her final days at college because of her sickness, and wasn''t taught sex ed.
I approach the masked girl with one of my nice expressions, but the moment I take my first step towards her, she takes her first one back.
''Aaaawww, she''s shy~.''
"Hello there, may I ask who you are?" (Me)
She just stands there, looking at me and unmoving.
''Hm? Seems like she''s one of the calm and quiet girls who doesn''t let out a lot of expressions. Well, not that that''s a problem for me...''
Yeah yeah, of course every girl is butter in your hands.
''Finally you get it! But the way of approaching this stereotype is a very peculiar one.''
And that would be?
''Well, just wait and see.''
*snap*
I flick my fingers and teleport behind her. First she looks around confused. Only after I tap her shoulder she perks up and turns around before somersaulting over me and distancing herself from me.
''If you can''t get through to her with words, then you''ll have to let your deeds do the talking.''
I''m pissed because that actually makes sense.
We look at each other again. Only after a few seconds of staring she speaks her first words.
"...You...fast." (???)This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
''Shit, I just realized something. I won''t be able to conquer her very well since I can''t be in her environment as of now. Seems like I''ll only be able to start the conquering when the adventurers guild arc starts.''
"*Sigh*, what a shame. It seems like our paths are not destined to cross yet. But I''ll give you one piece of advice. There will always be someone stronger than you, don''t forget that. That''s the only thing I can tell you right now." (Me)
''Her type often regards strength as something important, so it''s good to make yourself look superior to leave a strong impression on her.
She stands there again, looks at me for a few seconds and then turns to the exit.
''That''s actually a pretty nice ass.''
10/10
"I will... get stronger." (???)
"Yeah sure, do that. I''m sure we''ll meet again in the future, so I''ll see if you got stronger then. Let''s go girls. I want to wash the whole blood off of me." (Me)
I walk to the exit, only to realize that the masked girl walks in the same direction.
"Listen. The cool parting between us won''t work if we walk side to side soon after." (Me)
"..." (???)
This moment of walking beside each other gives me an opprtunity to observe her a bit closer.
''Her skin is actually pretty damn pale.''
After a few minutes of awkwardly walking, we finally part ways.
''THAT WAS SO WEIRD!''
Our journey outside the school ended and I return home with my roommate Lydia.
"How many are you still planning to collect?" (Lydia)
"You mean of your pictures? Well, my dream is to publish a new gravure magazine, so I guess there has to be a lot of them." (Me)
"I meant how many girls are you still going to collect... WAIT WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT MY PICTURES?!" (Lydia)
"So you meant that? Hmmm, good question. I guess as many as fate serves me?" (Me)
"What?" (Lydia)
"Think about it. Have I really even once chased after girls myself? Did I go and pick them up, like someone with social skills could?" (Me)
"Now that you say it, you didn''t... but you have so many of them!" (Lydia)
"Well, you can''t blame anyone but luck. But rarely it doesn''t really go my way." (Me)
We arrive at our room. I open the door and a cute little loli baba greets me... is what I hoped, but instead a lazy shut-in sits there in her bunny pajamas and plays video games.
''How many things exist in this world which I don''t know of yet?!''
"Oi." (Me)
"Hm?" (Alexandra)
"Shouldn''t you be greeting your master when he comes home?" (Me)
"Oh yeah, hi." (Alexandra)
""Hi" she says. That''s not how a servant would greet his master!" (Me)
"Ugh.Welcome home master!Happy?" (Alexandra)
''That little...''
I grab her chin and pull it towards me.
"Stop that, I''m at an important part of the story right now." (Alexandra)
She stays calm and looks me straight in the eyes, even though there is only a few centimeters of distance between our faces.
"I could ravish you right here and now and no one would be bothered." (Me)
"Well, actually I''m still here and that would bother me quite a bit, soooooo please don''t." (Lydia)
I ignore her skillfully.
"I would like to see you try?" (Alexandra)
She licks her lips in a kinky way, completely unfitting for her childish body, but it''s still arousing.
"Haaaaa, it''s no fun to tease someone who''s not shy." (Me)
"I knew it, you don''t have the-HIIII" (Alexandra)
I put my hand down her pants and fiddle around a bit with my fingers.
"Don''t get me wrong. I would fuck you senseless if I wouldn''t have promised myself not to fuck anyone until I turn 16." (Me)
Her breathing slowly becomes heavier. Her face blushes a little bit, but she still keeps the smug expression on her face.
"You think that I would be bothered by a young boy like you? You are 1400 years too young to pleasure me." (Alexandra)
"Oh yeah?" (Me)
I put 2 of my fingers in her precious place while placing my thumb on her clit. A slight massage makes her shiver a little bit and her breathing becomes even heavier.
"Well, I have to admit that you know a bit of what you''re doing." (Alexandra)
''Just a bit huh? Well, time to take out the big guns.''
What I recently just realized, is that I can enhance other peoples bodyparts as well, but that isn''t nearly as strong as when I enhance myself. I enhance a Alexandras clitoris, which doesn''t make it stronger, but rather more sensitive.
"WHA- WHAT DID YOU JUST- HHHNNNNGGGHH!" (Alexandra)
Her body convulses a bit and her face is now a bright red. She looks at me with teary eyes, but she still smiles at me.
"You*pant*are not half bad, I have to admit." (Alexandra)
I continue to finger her. My whole hand is covered in a clear liquid, which shows how aroused she is. Just as she was about to cum, I pull my fingers out.
"WHA- WHY DID YOU PULL THEM OUT?! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO FINISH!" (Alexandra)
"I know. It was difficult not to notice by the expressions you made. But that''s exactly why I stopped. You didn''t do anything yet that deserves a reward." (Me)
"*pant*Well played, I haveto*pant*admit." (Alexandra)
Well, no problem. I did finish.
''Good for you. MEANWHILE I HAVE A RAGING BONER WHICH WON''T GO DOWN! I''m slowly getting sick of blue balls...''
"You guys really forgot about me, am I right?" (Lydia)
"To be honest, yes. Yes I did forget about you." (Me)
"Why do I still associate with you?" (Lydia)
"I know you already fell for me, so no need to pretend." (Me)
"I DID NOT!" (Lydia)
''LOL''
"Alright girls, we''ll have to prepare for the tournament, so get ready for an arc which always comes before a tournament arc." (Me)
"You are always talking about these "arcs". What do you mea-" (Lydia)
"You''re right as always Lydia! It''s the training arc!" (Me)
"I have some business to finish in the toilet." (Alexandra)
"Already locked it. Checkmate." (Me)
"I...I lost..." (Alexandra)
I didnt have the time to think of a title, so this is the title
On a courtyard behind my dorm, 5 certain girls are standing in front of me. The sun is blazing and a drop of sweat rolls down my forehead. My pants create an uncomfortable feeling, since they shoved themselves in my crotch area.
"LISTEN UP YOU MAGGOTS! THESE NEXT FEW MONTHS YOU''LL BE TRAINED UNTIL YOU BREAK. I WON''T HEAR- Estelle, as much as I enjoy seeing a beatiful elf getting horny from me verbally abusing her, could you not right now? I''m trying to be a drill sergeant here." (Me)
"*Pant* I''m sorry *Pant*." (Estelle)
"Now I''m not in the mood anymore... god dammit." (Me)
Why did you pretend to be a sergeant in the first place?
''Come on. Every boy once wanted to have a whole squad under his command! Espescially if the squad consists of beautiful waifus! That''s like killing two birds with one stone!''
That rather sounds like the start of a porno... I like it???
"Alright girls, in the next few months I''ll train all of you individually, since the tournament''s coming up soon and usually we''ll fight our first really strong opponent there, who''ll then later become our ally. You know the drill. I''ve planned how I''m going to train you and what measures I have to take to bring out the most of your potential. To bring y''all closer to one level, I''ll start training the weakest and make my way to the top. Any questions?" (Me)
"What do you mean by "usually we''ll fight fight our first really strong opponent"? You can''t just assume that there is someone as ridiculous as you." (Lydia)
"Janna, if you would?" (Me)
"I... I saw a glimpse of the future again and... he''s right. I saw Yu covered in blood, fighting someone clad in black." (Janna)
"See? I told you you would- WAIT WHAT?!" (Me)
"I saw the vision only a few seconds ago as well, so I still can''t believe it. WHO DARES TO HURT MY YU?!" (Janna)
''I''m covered in blood? I thought that I would be pretty much unrivaled for my age group?!''
Well, there are still other reincarnated as you know. Maybe it''s a guy like you with another harem. But this time, it''s not an asshole.
''Shit, if it''s like that, then I guess I have to use it. I wanted to avoid this method, but seems like there''s no way around it.''
Wait, what method?
''Of course it''s a secret. If I would just reveal it here, then where would be the suspense?''
Fuck you and your suspense
"Should- should we really still participate then? I mean if- if Yu gets hurt, then there would be a lot of trouble. I don''t really care about it, but I''m sure that his parents for example would be sad." (Aline)
''No they wouldn''t.''
"Of course we''re still participating. I won''t lose, since I have plot armor." (Me)
"Plot armor?" (Aline)
"It''s a type of magic which makes me nearly invincible. Not that I really need it though." (Me)
"Wow, so you even have something like that. As expected of my future hus- I meant... hus- HUSKY! Yes, as expected of my future dog.Uuuuuhhhh, I didn''t want to say that!"(Aline)
''Her lovely side is leaking. GOD THATS CUTE!''
Aline is best girl
"Any other questions?" (Me)
"Does the training include wh-" (Estelle)
"No the training doesn''t include whipsyet. If that''s all, then Lydia come with me." (Me)
"Huh? Why me? Didn''t you say that you would start with the weakest?" (Lydia)
"Gosh darn it! Silly me made a blooper again! I''m such a clutz sometimes"(Me)
"Phew, I knew it. Couldn''t be that I''m the weakest here." (Lydia)
"*Clears throat*Lydia get your sweet ass over here you goddamn croissant. I fucking know what I said." (Me)
"Uuuuuuhhhh."(Lydia)Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.
"While I''m away, y''all can already think at which areas you could improve." (Me)
With those last words I leave with Lydia. We go to our room where a certain ex-dungeon master waits on my bed.
"Finally you greet me the right way." (Me)
"I''m just trying to sleep you donut." (Alexandra)
"Then wake up now. I''m going to go over Lydias training regime now." (Me)
"Why didn''t you just do it at the time when you were alone in this room? There was no real need to go to our courtyard and then immediately return back here, was there?" (Alexandra)
"I didn''t have to say my plan twice, so there actually was. Anyways, are you prepared?" (Me)
"Of course I am." (Alexandra)
"Wait, why is Alexandra needed for my training?" (Lydia)
"Well, I did say that I would train you all individually, but your case is a bit special. You being special is actually because of a hidden talent in you." (Me)
STATUS
STATS
Level: 15 Statpoints: 0
HP:32 MP:300 HP REGEN: 0,22/sec MP REGEN: 0,18/sec
STR: 9 DEX: 11 END: 10 INT: 22 WIS: 18 CHR: 25 LCK: 4
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Fireball; Fire Arrow; Solar Flare; Burst; EXPLOSIOOOON; Had*uken; Fire Breath; Sentient Turret; Gattling
PASSIVE: Chant Shortening (Lesser); Royal Magic bloodline (SEALED); Magic Potential (Medium)
AFFINITIES: Fire (12%); Ice (75%)
TITLES
Mamas babygirl
Another part in the harem
"I''m just going to ignore that half of your attacks are one huge copyright infringement. You actually have way more affinity with Ice magic than with fire magic, hence Alexandra will be training you." (Me)
"You... you''re telling me I''ve wasted all this time training on an element which I don''t even have affinity for?" (Lydia)
"Yep. Who tested your affinities anyways?" (Me)
"That would be my sister... GOD DAMMIT!" (Lydia)
"I like her better every day. Oh right, I still have something for you." (Me)
Out of my inventory I pull out a staff which is about 1,30 m long with a bright blue gem on top of it.
"This is something I made with Alexandras help. Your biggest problem is that enemies have it way too easy to attack you while you''re chanting, so this staff will assisst you while you''re at it." (Me)
Supporting Freezing Icestaff of doom
Rank: Legend
Attack: 950 (Magic Damage)
Options: 1. Reduces Chanting by 70%
2. Increases damage of Ice magic by 30%
3. It sounds cooler
Magic circles imbedded: Activate Ice Nova if enemy is near; Pull out mana from the environment (reduce mana cost by 25%)
Durability: 1500/1500
A staff made by a legendary dungeon master and her master. The dungeon master made the staff and the master embedded the magic circles, resulting in one of the strongest weapons in the whole world. But not for long.
''I''m gonna make myself a way stronger weapon soon, so she can have that for all I care.''
"Wow... this is the first time you gave me a present." (Lydia)
Lydia is free?
"That''s not true! I gave you a fuckload of costumes! Where is the gratitude for that?!" (Me)
"You don''t expect me to answer that, do you?" (Me)
"YES, I FUCKING DO?!" (Me)
Suddenly Alexandra jumps on Lydias back and pulls her down on the bed. She puts Lydias arm behind her back, resulting in her being unable to move.
"Now little girl. For the next few months I will shove all my knowledge about Ice magic into you, without hearing you crying or else I''ll shove something completely different inside you. Did I make myself clear?" (Alexandra)
"YES MA''AM!" (Lydia)
''It''s already worth it that I had to allow Alexandra paid leave for her training Lydia.''
"Well, I''ll leave you two lovebirds alone for now-" (Me)
''I have something akin to a video camera installed in this room anyways.''
"-since I still have to train the others. See you later." (Me)
I turn around and leave the room. A long hallway greets me, which actually makes it pretty lonely to go down alone.
''Hmmm, to be honest, I still haven''t thought of a trainingsplan for the others yet...''
Shouldn''t you have done that before? Like, at least a few days?
''I was a procrastinator in my past life and I guess old habits die hard?''
I''m going down the hallways red and gold woven carpet while having my usual conversation with Screeny, when suddenly my surroundings were swallowed up.
From one moment to another, I find myself surrounded by complete darkness.
"Oh? The last time that happened I met some kind of god. Is this the same scenario Screeny?" (Me)
The awaited response doesn''t come.
"*Sigh*Okay, so who are you and why did you abduct me?" (Me)
"So you are my opponent, huh? Doesn''t seem like you will be much of a challenge."(???)
"It''s pretty rude not to introduce yourself when kidnapping someone!" (Me)
The voice seems to come from everywhere and can''t be assigned to a gender.
What I immediately noticed when I got surrounded by darkness, was that this environment is completely made of mana with the darkness attribute. So I let my mana seep out in this room, giving me a bit control over it.
''Shit, this is actually pretty difficult. Normally I could just overpower the voices mana with my sheer amout of mana, but it doesn''t seem like it''s really inferior to me.''
"Don''t even try to fight it, it''s useless. You won''t be able to overcome my dark mana with pure mana. You should know that it''s way too inefficient."(???)
"Yeah, but I''m the protagonist, so nothing is impossible for me!" (Me)
I take out a knife from my inventory, stab the tip in my hand and draw a circle with it.
"Hm?"(???)
''Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fu-''
With every line I draw the pain in my hand increases, but the result is way above my expectations.
I feel all the pure mana in the environment flow into me and I immediately release it again. Slowly I gain control over this realm and I can track the source of the voice.
"Oi, stop that."(???)
"DO YOU FUCKER KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO RELEASE MANA AND SIMULTANEOUSLY TAKE IT IN?! IF I FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE, I SWEAR TO CHRIST I WILL MAKE YOU MY BITCH!" (Me)
"Good luck with that. I have to take my leave now, farewe- huh?" (???)
Suddenly, the omniscient voice turned into a girly voice who''s in her mid teens.
"So you belong to the human kingdom huh? I was sure it would be some kind of elf..." (Me)
"Fufufufu, not bad. You actually managed to take over my realm of observation. I look forward to meeting you." (???)
The darkness collapses, leaving me behind with a boiling rage.
What the fuck was that?! I was suddenly disconnected from your mind and you vanished!
"I JUST MET A BITCH WHO IS SURELY GOING TO BE BEATEN UP THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I''M PISSED!" (Me)
What the fuck happened while I didn''t see you for 5 minutes?
Awesome realm here, awesome realm there
Let me make this clear: You were just transported to another realm where you had a quarrel with a girl, who, even though she had control over the aforementioned realm, lost that said realm to you. And now you''re pissed because you had to exhaust yourself to win against her?
''That''s actually a pretty good recap.''
I''m pretty capable.
''*sigh* I don''t look forward to meeting such a difficult person. 2 sadists won''t get along, that''s a universal law!''
2 sadists won''t get along, that''s a universal law!
-Yu Krifta, date unknown
''You''re just a screen. Don''t try to fight me without a real body.''
I go down the rest of the hallway while bathing in the light of the candles which illuminate the windowless hallway. I open the backdoor which leads to our courtyard and return to my little group which is now one girl smaller. Or so I thought.
"Wow, I thought that the author already forgot you. Hi Lisa." (Me)
"Did you really think that you could hold a training camp without me? Just thinking about all those lewd things I can do to these beautiful little girls makes me moister than an oyster." (Lisa)
"Why does it sound so ugly when you say that? I regret to tell you that it''s not this kind of training, but just a regular one for the upcoming tournament." (Me)
"What? Did your balls get lost in the dungeon you were in or what?" (Lisa)
"I could shove them down your throat to check?" (Me)
"Eat my perfectly round ass." (Lisa)
"I would, if you let me." (Me)
"Nice to see that you haven''t changed. Well, now that we got our usual small talk out of the way, is there any way I can help?" (Lisa)
"You call that small talk? You idiots are both perverts!" (Aline)
"You only now realised that that guy is a pervert? Wow, so you''re the slow type, huh?" (Lisa)
"Shush, Lisa. She''s one of the more pure ones. And yes, there''s actually a way how you can assist me." (Me)
"I knew it. What could the great me help you with?" (Lisa)
"You could get the fuck out of here?" (Me)
"...Well played. If it''s like that, then I''ll just watch while you''re training them." (Lisa)
''Maybe I''ll need her help later, so that''s fine with me.''
"Alright, so I''ll now announce who the next weakest is out of here! Who wants to do the drum roll this time?!" (Me)
Suddenly Lisa starts to tap the ground fastly without a warning.
''Oh wow, she doesn''t even let others have a chance. What a bitch.''
"IIIIITTTTT''SSSS ESTEEEEELLLEEEE!!!" (Me)
"Yeah, I already expected that...." (Estelle)
"What a boring reaction...It was actually a pretty close call, but you were 4th place because of a single factor. That factor is your attack prowess." (Me)
STATUS
STATS
Level: 48 Statpoints: 0
HP: 170 MP: 48 HP REGEN: 0,88/sec MP REGEN: 0,4/sec
STR: 8 DEX: 11 END: 88 INT: 8 WIS:4 CHR: 26 LCK: -9
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Instant Regeneration; Iron fortress; Wind blade; Golden Body; Taunt; Body strengthening magic (Lesser);
PASSIVE: Convert Pain (Active Permanently); Saber Mastery (35%); Broken mind (Permanent)
AFFINITIES: Wind (12%)This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
TITLES
100 years of torture
The mad one
Survivor
Invincible
Closet Masochist
Another part in the harem
''I have, like always, a lot of questions about her status slowly this is getting old author (Author note: Fuck you), but there''s no fucking way she can be considered a "closet masochist". It''s like you would call me "slightly obnoxious".''
So you were aware of it?
''Damn it, why can''t I get the details of those titles and abilities?! It would make my life so much easier!''
Maybe because that would make it way too easy for you to find more out about the girls and the author needs that to fill his chapters later?
(Author Note: You guys are breaking the 4th wall too much again. Stop it or I''ll spawn the end boss.)
sToP iT oR i''LL sPaWN tHe eND BoSs
(Author Note: That''s it, you''ll become MC''s slave)
FUCK YOU!
''Cool. I''ll have a slave in future.''
"At this point I''m wondering why you even joined a school for magicians. Wouldn''t it have been better for you to go to a school for knights or something like that?" (Me)
"But who would then look down on me for being weak?" (Estelle)
''Did she just throw away her future, just for her fetish?''
It''s called passion.
"Seeing that you have more of tank qualities than of a magcian or alike, I''ll make you even tougher." (Me)
"Are you not going to answer her question?" (Lisa)
"WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD ANSWER TO THAT?!" (Me)
"Pwease don''t fight. I don''t like people being angry." (Belka)
"THE HOLY MAIDEN HAS SPOKEN! THE NEW TESTAMENT SAYS "THOU SHALT NOT FIGHT AMONGST EACH OTHER, OR ELSE THOU SHALT DIE!" (Me)
The last time you have crowned a holy maiden, she turned into an obsessive psycho, so be careful about that.
"Nwwooooo, no dying. That''s not allowed!" (Belka)
"UPDATE FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT! EVERYONE WHOM DEATH SHALL FALL UPON, SHALL BE PUNISHED TO DEATH!" (Me)
Did you just forbid people to die?
"I think you''re missing the point here..." (Lisa)
"Don''t be afraid Belka. I will finish Estelles training as fast as possible and then it''s our turn to play, alright?" (Me)
I pat her cute head and fiddle a bit around with her white catears.
"Didn''t you just imply that Belka would be the next weakest then?" (Aline)
"I... So yeah, Belka is the next who I''ll be training.*sound of a christmascracker popping open*Big surprise!" (Me)
Complete silence falls upon the courtyard.
"Fuck all of you, everybody makes mistakes." (Me)
You were a mistake
''Heard it before already. I really love my mother.''
"Estelle, you lack immensely in attack, since your only way of attacking is "Wind blade", one of the weakest attacks in the wind category. But we can''t really change that in the next few months, so we won''t concentrate on only that and instead we''ll make you even tougher until you''re like a tank without a barrel. The only downside is, that you''ll be taking the most damage." (Me)
"Downside?" (Estelle)
She looks at me with a question mark written all over her beautiful, masochistic face.
"Why did I even think for a second that I should treat her like a normal girl?Well then, I''ll later make you a full plate armor, which will boost your already high defense. For now we''ll work on your Body strengthening magic. This will help your attack and defense simultaneously, so it''s the best option we have. For that you''ll have to keep the strengthening up as long and as efficient as possible. It''s simple training of rinsing and repeating. Later, when you have mastered it to a certain extent, I''ll continue with your training. Understood?" (Me)
"YES MASTER!" (Estelle)
"Oi, useless lesbian in the corner!" (Me)
"I''m not gonna respond to that." (Lisa)
"You just did. Go whip this masochist as much as you want. It''ll make her endurance stat go up." (Me)
"I have no idea what you mean by "Endurance stat" but I knew that bringing my "Whipmaster 2000" along was a good idea." (Lisa)
"I won''t ask where you hid it. Although my interest is intrigued." (Me)
"I could show you if you bring that little cat girl along*wink*." (Lisa)
"This is the last time you are trying to seduce my Yu!" (Janna)
Janna charges towards Lisa with obvious killing intent, but before her fist hits Lisas face, I catch it and pull her in a hug.
"Come to my room this midnight. I have to tell you something." (Me)
I whisper that quietly in her ear, unhearable for the others.
"ALLLLLLRRIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!" (Janna) (Author Note: Just imagine YOSHAAAAAAA out of every shounen anime)
"Well then, let''s go on to the next o- OH COME ON!" (Me)
Just as I wanted to play with my little catgirl, I found myself again in another realm.
"This is getting ridiculous. This is already the third time that I''m in something like that. This time it''s a white realm, huh? Slowly running out of colors I suppose?" (Me)
"Hello, human." (???)
"Wow." (Me)
In front of me is a woman with golden hair and freckles. She is about 12 meter tall and wears a white one piece dress with an open back, which lets her white wings out. The only word you could describe her with is "pure".
"This might be a bit suddden to you, but I''m Ardriel, an angel sent by the god of this universe. You have been chosen by the heavenly army as a potential member and as such my duty is to inform you." (Ardriel)
"Well then, o'' great angel, then it''s my duty to inform you that I can look up your skirt." (Me)
"WHA-" (Ardriel)
Suddenly she shrunk to human size, with a now slightly blushing look on her face.
"*cough*As I was trying to say. I''ve been sent, since you were chosen by the heavenly army as a potential member. This is a great honor-" (Ardriel)
"Wait a second, let me make something clear. The god ofthis universe is not the strongest person in this universe, right?" (Me)
"Well, there are still the leaders of the other factions, so there''s no way to be sure, but-" (Ardriel)
"Second question: Is there still someone above the leaders of this universe?" (Me)
"W-Well there''s still the omnigod, who rules over every universe, but he''s an entity rarely seen." (Ardriel)
''So that old geezer was the omnigod, huh? Didn''t seem like that to me...''
In another higher realm.
"Fuck yeah I am, you little twat." (God)
"Now then last question: What gender is your god?" (Me)
"She would be categorized as a female. Why are you asking?" (Ardriel)
"Well then, deliver her this message: I will not join your faction, but she can be sure that she will be another object of conquer for me." (Me)
"You- YOU INSOLENT HUMAN! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO OUR GOD! LET''S SEE IF I CAN''T CORRECT YOUR INSOLENT BEHAVIOUR!" (Ardriel)
Young master, I''m back from my journey- Why is a celestial being in front of you and seemingly preparing for a fight?
He fucked up big time.
''What do you mean? This is where the fun begins!''
I prepare for battle while scratching another point from my "Things I want to say" list.
What a surprise: ANOTHER REALM!
''This is where the fun begins!''
Suddenly, a golden aura envelops her and gets bigger each second with a loud explosion.
''This... this wasn''t supposed to happen. Isn''t this supposed to be the scene where I''ll be able to slay an angel and thus declare myself independent from all the factions?''
It would be, if you were about 20x stronger than you are now.
But my master surely has a plan! He wouldn''t just anger a celestial being without a plan, right?
''HA! YOU DON''T KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH THEN!''
The translation for this statement would be: "Look at me, I''m retarded!"
"Oh come on, can''t you take jokes? Let''s just sit down, talk and become friends." (Me)
She starts to calm down a bit.
"So it shall be. Despite your vulgarity, you still are a possible-" (Ardriel)
"And maybe I could stick my dick in you as well? Who knows?" (Me)
Out of every sentence you could have chosen, you chose the death sentence. Congratulations. I''m going to apply for a new job as someone others screen.
Her aura expands twice the size it was before.
"You''re such a drama queen." (Me)
The pressure around her increases, making it hard for me to breathe, not to mention moving.
''''Well then, so be it. YOU SHALL WITNESS THE ACTIVATION OF MY HIDDEN PROTAGONIST POWERS!" (Me)
But nothing happens.
Did you just use splash or something?
''Nah, that was actually just to buy me some time.''
For what?
''Would be nice if someone of us knew that, huh?''
She slowly walks towards me, while the aura around her gets bigger with every step. If this wasn''t directed at me, then I would even be impressed by it.
''Fuck, this might actually be a bit dangerous.''
Just as the fight against the overpowered angel began, with her raising her fist, the environment around me changed again. I was suddenly engulfed by the darkness, which is more than familiar to me, and the angel vanished.
''''Oh... JUST AS PLANNED! WITNESS MY POWER WHICH MAKES EVEN ANGELS RUN AWAY!'''' (Me)
"That was me you retard." (???)
The moment I hear the voice a chill runs down my spine.
''That''s... that''s impossible... THIS CAN''T BE POSSIBLE!!!''
I turn around and immediately vomit blood. In front of me is an old geezer who looks like Gandalf but not nearly as cool.
"Isn''t this reaction of yours already outdated?" (God)
"You think so? I actually like it a lot. But is this gonna be a thing now? Am I going to be teleported from realm to realm from now on? I''m pretty sure that I was longer inside of another realm than in my own world today." (Me)
"Nah, that was just to save your dumb ass. So, are you going to tell me why I had to save you from certain death?" (God)
"You already know it, don''t you?" (Me)
"Yeah, but I want to hear your stupid deeds from your own mouth." (God)
"..." (Me)
"Go on." (God)
"Fine. I picked a fight with a higher being by indirectly saying that I would fuck their worshiped god. And when I barely calmed her down, I made it worse by saying that I would fuck her as well." (Me)
"YOU MORON! That''s the first and last time I''ll be saving you. You are not at the level of defeating an angel yet." (God)
"Look, I know I kinda deserve this, but doesn''t this just show how much trust I had in you?" (Me)
I didn''t have any trust in him.
"W-What are you saying? Who trusted whom, you idiot?! *blush*" (God)
I threw up a little
''Amateur, I have complete control over my gag reflex.''
I would question that, but at that moment a sudden revelation hit me: "Why the fuck would I want to know more about that?" So I''ll just ignore it.
I regret to say that I can''t follow what is happening right now. Aren''t you in front of the omnigod? Why are you talking so casually with him then?This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
''He''s just a tsundere, that''s i-''
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH FUCK YOU CAN READ MY THOUGHTS!" (Me)
"I''m not a tsundere you little brat. Enjoy the pain." (God)
Only after 5 minutes, which felt like an eternity, the pain stops.
"Phew, it has been a while since I last felt pain like that. So how have you been, old geezer?" (Me)
"Ah, you know. Creating universes and shit like that. The same as always." (God)
"Same." (Me)
I sit down and cross my legs. God does the same and our small talk continues. It might have been years since I last relaxed like that. Maybe it''s just the completely dark environment, or it''s just the fact that the old geezer has a soothing, yet familiar, vibe to him. I''ve never even once in my life felt so secure.
I don''t know how long we were sitting here like that, just talking. It might have been days, or only a few hours. I told him about my past life, even though he clearly already knew about it. About how I became this way. About how much I wanted a new chance. About how thankful I am. Now that I think about it, I don''t even know why I did that. But I''m sure of one thing. I let him come closer to me than I let anyone else in the last few decades.
Only when a moment of silence fell upon us, the time for me to leave has come.
"Well, I guess all good things have to have an end. I''ll send you back now, and don''t pick any more fights against celestial beings you hear me?" (God)
"Yeah, I get it. Stop lecturing me, you''re not my father." (Me)
"Haha... well then, have fun in your life." (God)
"Come on. Why do you always look so sad when we part ways? We''ll see each other again either way, so no need to be sulking." (Me)
"I''m the omnigod. Why would I be sulking about leaving you? Now get your dumb ass out of here." (God)
Just like last time, I become sleepy. My eyes slowly close, and the last glimpse I get of the old geezer is actually him crying.
''What a crybaby.''
I lose consciousness.
God P.o.V
"Haha... of course I''m not your father. Who could ever consider a person, who left behind his family just like that, a father? I really never was one for you, so I don''t have the right to tell you about me. What a pathetic guy I am. Even though I am the omnigod, I still can''t even get the one thing I want." (Me)
I turn around from where Yu stood before and the ever so lonely darkness greets me.
"I hate this. What should I do Sarah? I''m still the little crybaby I''ve always been. Please... please come back to me. Please make this darkness go away." (Me)
"Oi! Oi Yu!Yu! Are you alright?" (Aline)
"Hm?" (Me)
Before I even knew it, I regain my consciousness and see Aline shaking her hand in front of my eyes.
"Yu? Why are you just standing there? Are you alright?" (Aline)
"Oh, yeah..." (Me)
Now that I left that unknown realm, a sudden loneliness washes over me. This feeling of leaving and being left alone was something I never wanted to experience again.
''Pathetic. That''s what I get for opening up to someone. Do I never learn? Never become close to anyone. Never become attached to anyone.''
"Are you really alright? You look a bit... pained." (Aline)
"Of course I''m fine. I''m always fine. Excuse me for a second. I... I need a shit break." (Me)
I turn around, without realizing that Aline keeps her eyes fixed on me, full of worry.
I return to our dorm, but immediately come to a stop when I closed the door behind me.
"Screeny?" (Me)
Yep
"Could you look away for a second?" (Me)
Why?
"Just... just do it please." (Me)
...fine
Then I''ll do the same.
"Thanks." (Me)
Aline P.o.V
"Of course I''m fine. I''m always fine. And now excuse me for a second. I... I need a shit break." (Yu)
Yu turns around, without looking back. The whole time he had a pale, apathetic expression. At that moment I realized one thing.
''Isn''t that the first time I didn''t see him smile?''
I remember our time when we were together as kids. He never looked bothered, sad or worried. He always kept that one, same smile on his face.
''Why... doesn''t he ever cry?''
15 minutes later he comes back with the usual smile on his face.
Yu P.o.V
"ALRIGHT BELKA! GET YOUR SWEET LITTLE EARS OVER HERE AND LET''S START TRAINING!" (Me)
"Yeeees!" (Belka)
"Now you, my cute little Belka, will be my trump card in the upcoming fight. This is because of one specific reason." (Me)
STATUS
STATS
Level: 21??Statpoints: 0
HP: 16??MP: 55??HP REGEN: 0,06/sec ??MP REGEN: 0,05/sec
STR: 8??DEX: 8??END: 6??INT: 5 ??WIS: 5??CHR: 31??LCK: 3
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Transform (Werecat form);Berserk mode (Linked with "Transform"); Pump up; Holy spear; Bless (STR); Bless (DEX); Bless (END); Field of restoration (Lesser)
PASSIVE: Beastly senses; Claw Mastery (91%); Blessed by the moon; Cursed Bloodline (SEALED);
AFFINITIES: Holy (34%)
TITLES
Banished
Cute daughter
Another part in the harem
Damn, why are her base stats so low? Normally they would only be so low if you''re about 8 years ol-
''LALALALALA I CAN''T HEAR YOU! SHE''S THE SAME AGE AS ME, THERE''S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!''
Hey, I didn''t say I''m against it? It''s rather the opposite???
''Wow. You''re the trash of humanity.''
I''m not even human, so lay off.
"Why am meow your trump card?" (Belka)
"Well, there are your buffs, but I guess Janna can do them better. So it''s actually your bloodline." (Me)
"What do you meown by that?" (Belka)
"Well, since you''re part cat, your other senses are way more sensitive. Now, if you couple that with my ability of making other things invisible, we can make you the perfect assassin." (Me)
"WHAT?! SINCE WHEN CAN YOU DO THAT?!" (Aline)
"I think since about a few months?" (Me)
"You... you never used it to peek at us or something like that, right?" (Aline)
She raises her fist in a threatening matter.
"Put that fist down. You can''t do something with that either way." (Me)
"As much as it bothers me, you''re right." (Aline)
"And no, I can''t, since I''m actually going blind when I use it. That''s why I need Belka and her other senses to use it. She can use those senses to navigate even without her eyes." (Me)
But can''t you just use that magic to make your enemies blind?
''Well, there are actually 2 reasons. The first one would be that my enemies would be invisible then as well. That would be way too much of a risk. Then there would still be the fact that I somehow can''t use my magic too excessive on people I recognize as enemies. I already told you that something keeps me from doing that.''
Yeah, I know. But I''m sure there are still people who would ask too many questions and the author wants to prevent that.
(Author note: This time I''ll allow the 4th wall break.)
''Huh. People should really stop being so curious and take the things as they are.''
(Author note:*Looks at audience*)
"Now there would only be the problem of you going berserk when you transform. This will be the area I''ll train you in. In the next few months you''ll transform under my supervision and we''ll see if I can somehow bring you out of the berserk mode." (Me)
"Alwight!" (Belka)
"God, I love the way you talk. Please never change that." (Me)
"What do you meown?" (Belka)
"Exactly." (Me)
I turn around and look at the last two left.
Janna looks as ready as always, but Aline has a somber look on her face.
"Now you two are the only ones left. But who the strongest out of you is going to be, will shock you." (Me)
That sounds like one of those advertisements you find on adult sites.
''That''s just your imagination.''
Not even one is normal
"Now. The moment you all have waited for! THE SECOND PLACE AND FIRST PLACE ARE GOING TO BE REVEALED!" (Me)
"It''s Janna, isn''t it?" (Lisa)
"God damnit Lisa, GO BACK TO WHIPPING THAT ELF AND STOP RUINING THE SUSPENSE!" (Me)
There wasn''t any suspense to begin with
''Why are you always ruining everything for me?''
It''s the only thing I can do as a goddamn screen.
''Some day I''ll get back at you, and then you''ll regret ever having incured my wrath.''
I''m so scared
"Shit, alright. Yes, number 1 is Janna. I know Aline, you must be pretty disappointed, but... Aline?" (Me)
Aline looks to be deep in thought about something, seemingly not listening to what I''m saying right now. Only when I called out for her, she finally snapped back to reality.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Pretty disappointing." (Aline)
''*sigh* I guess this is what happens if I show weakness even once. Only problems follow after that.''
"But to change that as soon as possible, I''m here! So I''ll be teaching you something, which I''ve been thinking about for a few years!" (Me)
And for how long have you been thinking about it really?
''Do you remember the meeting with the angel?''
Yep
''You could consider that a long time ago, in contrast to how long I have this idea.''
"Since I know that your specialty is pure strength, my plan is to make you even stronger." (Me)
STATUS
STATS
Level: 48 Statpoints: 0
HP: 68 MP: 120 HP REGEN: 0,20/sec MP REGEN: 0,11/sec
STR: 55 DEX: 21 END: 20 INT: 12 WIS: 11 CHR: 33 LCK: 18
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Body strengthening magic (Higher); Overstrain; Fireball; Blaze; Fire aura; Heat; Fucking fire coating of weapons damnnames for goddamn attacks
PASSIVE: Warhammer Mastery (84%); Physical Combat Mastery (64%); Chant shortening (Lesser); Teamwork; Critical Hit
AFFINITIES: Fire (44%)
TITLES
Definetly not a tsundere
First of many
Best girl
Another part in the harem
''Why am I so surprised about a normal status?''
What about a 13 year old girl, having 55 points in her STR stat, is normal?
''At least she doesn''t have a fucking permanent broken mind or a bloodline no one knows of.''
Point taken
"But since you''re already proficient enough at "Body strengthening magic", I had to think up of another way to pump your body up. To teach you how to use that, I need you to sit down and relax." (Me)
"Uhm, alright." (Aline)
Aline sits down cross-legged and closes her eyes. I move behind her and put my hand on her back near her heart.
What are you trying to do?
''Well, do you remember how the aura of the angel expanded?''
And you nearly pissed your pants? Of course I do. I took pictures as well.
''U avin a giggle there m8? I''ll bash ur fukin hed in. Cheeky cunt.''Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.
Try punching a screen. I''m waiting.
''...''
That''s what I thought.
''Anyways. That aura, which the angel had, wasn''t something of a mana aura or a spell, but consisted of pure life force. So I''m trying to awaken that inside of Aline.''
Did you try it before?
''Nope.''
I close my eyes just like Aline did and try to sense her life force with my magic of the "Life" attribute. After a few seconds I find myself inside her inner mind.
That sounded kinda perverted.
''So you work in here, huh? Actually pretty surprising since in those other few realms you were completely useless.''
I WAS NAWT!
''So? Where am I again and why the fuck am I suddenly here? I didn''t even use any technique to search her inner mind...''
I look around and only see black around me.
''As always a beatiful scenery here. Can''t they even put a fucking couch somewhere? I''m getting sick of all these fucking bland, black rooms.''
You''re floating. Why would you need a couch?
''I''m sure I''ll find something to do with it. Let''s see if I can find something in this gaping darkness.''
I touch my somehow non-existent temples and activate my "Search life" spell, whose results immediately become clear.
''Oh, of fucking course.''
I sense an absurdly strong life force in my vicinity. I float towards it.
''Of fucking course the essence of her life force is a blazing, golden lion. Why did I even think for a second that she might not have a secret inside her.''
*ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR*
''''Yeah, I got it. You''re a fierce beast which can''t be tamed by anyone. Let''s see if I can somehow make you my bitch.'''' (Me)
"Roar?" (Fucking blazing lion of doom)
I wrap myself in a cocoon of my pure mana. The lion flinches back for a second, before getting aggravated and charging towards me.
''Now, how should I defeat that guy without my weapons?''
Only after I provoked the lion, I noticed that, since I don''t have my real body right now, I can''t use any of my weapons either.
The lions blazing mane starts to burn even brighter, which results in me being blinded. But since I already knew that he was charging towards me, I just floated out of the way.
''Doesn''t he know how to figh- URGH!" (Me)
I underestimated the lions battle instinct. Even though I floated out of the way and he ran past me, he used his tail to just swat me aside like a fly.
"NO ONE JUST WHIPS ME WITH THEIR TAIL WITHOUT REPERCUSSIONS!" (Me)
I swing my arm and a spacial blade flies towards him, which he dodges easily.
''But who would I be if I didn''t already expect that?''
I make a huge warphole, which actually costed me half of my mana, at the place where he dodged to, which leads him directly under me. The lion looks pretty confused about my sudden disappearance, meanwhile I charge up a raygun with about a quarter of my mana.
"SNEAK ATTACK BITCH!" (Me)
The lion notices me being over him and dodges the ray gun.
"I shouldn''t have announced my sneak attack." (Me)
Yeah, you shouldn''t have
''Thanks for approving. You really are a good sidekick.''
Glad to help.
The lion just smirks at my statement and looks at me with a mocking expression.
"Wow, I didn''t even know a lion could be this much of a pussy." (Me)
*ROOOAAAAAARRRRR*
The lion charges towards me again and tries to blind me with his mane another time.
''You think this is going to work a second time?''
I bring my hands together, as if an orb would be in them, and position them at my right hip.
Don''t do it
"KAAAAMMEEEE-" (Me)
I said don''t do it.
"-HAAAAMMMEEEE-" (Me)
THIS ISN''T REGISTERED AS A FANFICTION! YOU''RE NOT ALLOWED TO USE THAT!
''OH SHIT, YOU''RE RIGHT!''
"-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" (Me)
SAFE
A huge beam of electricity makes it''s way towards the lion. Since he was already charging towards me, he''s unable to dodge it and it hits him head on.
*GYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH*
''Oh. He learned a new sound.''
Congratualtions! You created a new attack!
"Kamehamehe"
"Once the ultimate move of a legendary fighter, this beam of pure energy has been altered to the new users liking, resulting in a fitting new attack.
''Lol''
The lion flies away with the beam pushing it and hits an invisible wall. He drops down, unmoving.
I float towards him.
"You put up a pretty good fight-" (Me)
Nah, you were just retarded.
"Hold on a second. I have to make a non-existent person shut their non-existent trap." (Me)
I DO EXIST!
''As what?''
As... as-
''As a fucking screen. Now fuck off with your pixels and let me tame this beast, so Aline can use it''s power to her advantage.''
(;????`)
"Oi, cat. I know that you''re still alive." (Me)
The lion just growls at me.
"From now on you''re going to assisst the owner of this body when she needs it. And when she''s in danger you better save her cute behind, or else I''ll make you a tigress before you know it." (Me)
*Growl*
"Good. Now how do I get out of here?" (Me)
I turn away from the lion and look around.
What are you looking for? There won''t be a fucking exit sign anywh-
''Found it.''
Of course you fucking did.
I open the door with the exit sign on top and immediately find myself back on the courtyard.
"That was a nice, normal exit for once." (Me)
Suddenly, just as I took my hands off Alines back, a golden flame engulfs her.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" (Aline)
''I want a refund to my words.''
Aline floats above the ground only to drop down half a minute later.
"Aline?" (Me)
Aline slowly opens her eyes.
"Wow. That''s... beautiful." (Me)
When Aline opened her eyes, I wasn''t able to see her usual deep blue eyes, but instead her eyes have changed into a deeper gold than Belkas with red pupils.
''God damnit, the chuunibyou side inside me is getting jealous.''
"Wha-? What do you mean beautiful?!" (Aline)
"Well, nothing. Your eyes just turned golden." (Me)
"What? WHAT?! I DIDN''T WANT THAT!" (Aline)
"THE GIVE THEM TO ME!" (Me)
"What?" (Aline)
"*cough* I meant that you now have to live with them, since they are a sign of you becoming stronger." (Me)
"You''re right, I can feel a strange power surging through me." (Aline)
"Now, to finish the preparations for the tournament, only Janna is left." (Me)
"I''ll do anything you say." (Janna)
"*pant, pant*Anything you sa- OUCH!" (Me)
Aline pinched me in the sides. Normally it wouldn''t hurt even a bit, but since she''s now enhanced by the beast inside her, she can actually cause me some harm.
"Don''t get carried away." (Aline)
"Yeah, yeah, alright." (Me)
''I''m just glad she came back to her old self.''
"Now, to reveal how I''m going to train you." (Me)
"Yes?" (Janna)
"The last one of our bunch." (Me)
"Yes?!" (Janna)
"The strongest girl of our group." (Me)
"YES?!" (Janna)
"I actually don''t have a fucking clue." (Me)
"Huh?!" (Janna)
Character development is unneeded
"I actually don''t have a fucking clue." (Me)
"Huh?!" (Janna)
Janna looks at me with her mouth wide open, only able to bring out that one sound.
"Well... let me tell you something. For the most part I was able to think of some kind of training for the others, since I have a skill that makes me able to see their statuses. But in your case, the only thing I can see are errors. I could try and do to you the same thing I did with Aline, but as you were able to see it probably takes an immense toll on the body, so the risk is way too high for someone like you who doesn''t seem to be specialised in having a robust body. As long as I don''t know your fighting style-" (Me)
"I don''t have one." (Janna)
''I guess it''s my turn now.''
"Huh?!" (Me)
"I was never trained by father, like you were, or did any training myself, like you did. I don''t have a fighting style, only a few spells to protect myself." (Janna)
"Wait... then what the fuck did you do to Estelle all the time?! I mean, you even shattered walls with her bare body! You couldn''t just do it without any technique!?" (Me)
"I don''t know. The moment I see someone flirting with you or when something is related to you, some kind of power fills me and I act on instinct.
"...wait a second." (Me)
''Oi, author. You can''t just explain it like that.''
(Author note: As you''ve just seen, I can. Fuck you.)
''You just literally explained her strength with "Just because"...''
(Author note: Maybe it''s just another plotpoint, which has not been revealed yet? Who knows?)
''You know what? Fuck you and your bad explanations.''
Cunt
(Author note: Fuck both of you, I can do whatever I want.)
"I... I guess... I''ll just be training you in the basics then...? That''s literally one of the first times where I don''t know what I should say..." (Me)
"Yiiiisssss." (Janna)
With those last, confusing moments the training began and the end of the day soon came.
I lie alone inside my room. Alexandra and Lydia are still out, training. No candles are burning, which would make the whole room dark if the moonlight wasn''t shining through the window.
*Knock knock*
"Come in." (Me)
The door slowly opens and in comes Janna, barely clothed.
"Just for your information, this isn''t why I called you here for." (Me)
''GOD HOW I WISH THAT WAS THE REASON.''
"Tch." (Janna)
"Janna, I''ve called you here in this beautful night, to talk with you about how you''re reacting to your future sisters in-law." (Me)
"THEY ARE NOT MY SIS-" (Janna)
"Exactly that." (Me)
''Screeny, hold my hand. I need some assistance here.''
Miss me with that gay shit.
''You''re a fucking screen. You don''t even have a gender.''
DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GEND-
''No, we don''t go there. That''s prohibited.''
What do you even need assistance for?If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
''In a few seconds I''ll have to say a few words, which will break my heart.''
I didn''t know you could break black holes already. I''m surprised.
"To be honest Janna... how should I put this mildly... you''re obnoxious and your attitude fucks up big time." (Me)
That was not mildly. I think she fainted.
''GOD MY HEART!''
Why would you even say that, if it hurts you?
''IT''S FOR THE FUTURE!''
Elaborate that.
''Well, I''m pretty sure that at some point in the future, if I don''t stop her, she''ll kill someone of our group. I don''t want her to go through that, not to speak of making a girl of my group go through that.''
I''m surprised
''Why?''
I think that''s the first time you didn''t only think of yourself, but also about the ones precious to you.
''Nah, I''m just worried about my amount of fuckbuddies.''
That''s the crudest line of a tsundere I know of, and that comes from a part of the all knowing akashic record.
"Oi, Janna. Wake up." (Me)
"Huh? Oh, it''s you Yu. I had a terrible nightmare. I dreamt of you saying that I''m actually obnoxious and-" (Janna)
"Don''t even try it. This may work in fiction, but you can''t say in real life that you mistook reality for a dream." (Me)
Wait, this isn''t fiction?
"BUT WHY AM I OBNOXIOUS?!" (Janna)
"Janna. I know, you''re the love of my past life and now we are back together. That''s fine and all, but have you ever thought about how much damage you did to me when you rejected me?" (Me)
"I- I..." (Janna)
"It was a whole fucking lot. More than you can even imagine." (Me)
Even more than commiting suicide because of it?
''You shut your whore mouth for a second. Now comes the part with the feels.''
"When you rejected me, I didn''t know what I should do. The only person I trusted since years just threw me away like trash and my only way out was in the end suicide. Now that I''ve been granted a new chance, I want to enjoy it as much as possible, but not without you." (Me)
And how much of that was actually a lie?
''Fuck, even I don''t know.''
"So... you''re telling me that you want me to accept the others, since they''re a part of your new chance, right?" (Janna)
"Yep." (Me)
"It... it''s just that I don''t want to lose you again. In my past life I had to constantly live with the thought of losing everything since I could''ve died at any moment. I know that I''m a bit possessive sometimes-" (Janna)
''HA! A BIT?!''
"-but that''s just to make sure that you stay at my side." (Janna)
"And I always will." (Me)
"Is... is that all you wanted to talk about?" (Janna)
"Yep." (Me)
Janna stands up from my bed and turns to the door, but not before I give her a slight kiss on the cheek.
"Good night." (Me)
"Yeah. Good night." (Janna)
With those last words she leaves the room.
''Don''t.''
"I will always be by your side Janna."
''YOU GOT SOMETHING AGAINST A GOOD OLD PERSUASION TECHNIQUE?!''
What the fuck was that slight kiss on the cheek? Did your balls go up your ass or what?
''I''ll shove them right in your ass, as soon as I can.''
Good luck with that.
''Alright, now that we''ve gotten all that character development shit out of the way, let''s get back to the OP MC story. Guess who didn''t have his training turn yet?''
That bird you''ve completely forgotten about?
*sob*
''Oh shit... hi.''
You don''t have to bother talking to me, master. Even though I just came back from a journey which was filled with-
''I don''t?! Thank god. Now then, it''s my turn to get stronger.''
*sob*
I pull out one of my knives from my inventory and heat it up with my some electricity magic.
Oi, I know my roasts sometimes hit pretty deep, but that''s no reason to commit suicide again.
''Oh, thanks for asking what I''m doing! A look at my staus can easily explain that!''
STATUS
STATS
Level: 211 Statpoints: 90
HP: 100 MP: 8378 HP REGEN: 0.40/sec MP REGEN: 0.60/sec
STR: 40 DEX: 121 END: 40 INT: 60 WIS: 60 CHR: 50 LCK: 40
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick); Heal (shortcut: Touch target with pinky and thumb); Search life (shortcut: touch temples) ; Embed Lightning (shortcut: tap weapon of choice twice); Connect Lightning (shortcut: lock fingers); Cure Disease (shortcut: Point pinky at target); Cure higher Curse (shortcut: point ringfinger at target); Counter (Auto); Warphole (shortcut: twist your wrist); Invisibility (shortcut: Cross arms); Spacial cut (shortcut: swing of arm); Lesser Gravity control (shortcut: stomp with your foot); Analyzing Eyes;
PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut; Twin Dagger Mastery (99%); Throwing Knives Mastery (100%); Higher Throwing Knives Mastery (13%); High understanding of Magic circles
AFFINITIES: Lightning (99,99%); Life (47%); Space (36,30%)
TITLES
The one who made God vomit
You''re fucking ridiculous
Nightmare of the magic Forest
CONTRACTS
Unnamed (Threeheaded Lionchicken)
''I know that you won''t read all that so I''m just gonna say it: I NOW HAVE HIGH UNDERSTANDING OF MAGIC CIRCLES!''
"What are you doing there?" (Lydia)
Just as I stood up and made the pose of a wizard who revealed his final trick (yes, I move when I''m thinking), Lydia came in.
"The better question would be, why you are here." (Me)
"I happen to live here, you moron. And could you now explain why you''re doing a weird pose while holding a smoldering knife in your hand?" (Lydia)
"Nothing special. Just going to cut magic circles into my skin to make them as efficient as possible." (Me)
"Can I still change my insult from before to "Lunatic"?" (Lydia)
"No." (Me)
Blow up and die real people!
*stab*
"Oh?" (Me)
"W-What is it?" (Lydia)
"That... That fucking hurts." (Me)
"WHAT DID YOU EXPECT IF YOU STAB YOURSELF IN THE CHEST WITH A SMOLDERING KNIFE?!" (Lydia)
"To be honest... I thought it would just be over in a flash and that''s it. Wow, that fucking hurts a lot." (Me)
"H-How do you feel?" (Lydia)
"What the fuck kinda question is that?! I have a bloody knife stuck in mychest. I''m feeling fucking glorious if I had to say, thanks for asking." (Me)
"Sarcastic prick." (Lydia)
I move the knife in a circle around my heart to create the base of the magic circle.
"Yes, interesting." (Me)
"W-What is it this time?" (Lydia)
"Well, nothing really, but can you do me a solid?" (Me)
"Yes?" (Lydia)
"Please pull the knife out of my chest if I faint." (Me)
"I really think you should stop this." (Lydia)
''Screeny? Why are my protagonist powers not activating right now? I thought that I should be able to endure this, but damn.''
Don''t know. MAYBE BECAUSE IT''S NOT NORMAL FOR AN MC TO STAB HIMSELF WITH A SMOLDERING KNIFE?!
''It''s not?''
Most certainly fucking not. By the way, aren''t you way too calm right now?
''If I would freak out right now, then I wouldn''t be able to concentrate on drawing the magic circle and that would result in it failing. Believe me, I don''t want to go through this again.''
Only after 5 minutes, the magic circle is finally finished. I heal the wound until only a scar remains. A scar with the form of a complex magic circle.
"So?" (Lydia)
"Hm?" (Me)
"What does the magic circle do? Or did you do it without a plan like always?" (Lydia)
"Bitch, I always have a plan. And this magic circle should speed up my training progress by 5 times." (Me)
"Excuse me?" (Lydia)
What?
I beg your pardon?
"What are y''all so surprised about?" (Me)
Of course I knew what they were so surprised about.
"Can... can you do the same to me then? I mean if we all get-" (Lydia)
"No." (Me)
"WHY?!" (Lydia)
"I would have to put scars on your body and a maidens skin should be unblemished." (Me)
"YOU CAN''T JUST TAKE THAT AS A-" (Lydia)
"There''s also the fact that you would probably die due to mana poisoning, since you would have way too much inside you, but I think that the first point is more important." (Me)
"In what way is the first point more important?" (Lydia)
''I can''t really tell her that I can still fuck her perfectly mantained body then, can I?''
Do it fagget
"It''s more important in my way." (Me)
"*Sigh*You''re ridiculous." (Lydia)
"I''m awesome and you know it." (Me)
I cut the second magic circle in the middle of my belly. This time it''s not as painful as before, since I''m already used to it, but it still hurts like shit.
''''Alright, 2 out of 3 magic circles are finished. I''ll safe the last one for a circle which will be a bit more diffcult and I don''t meet the requirements for it yet." (Me)
"And what does the second do?" (Lydia)
"I could tell you, but you know... I don''t want to." (Me)Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.
"WHY?!" (Lydia)
With me training the other girls and additionally abusing my "Space of distorted time" like it''s my very first fleshlight, 4 months passed-
"YOU CAN''T JUST IGNORE ME?!" (Lydia)
"Watch me." (Me)
-and the day of the tournament arrived.
STATUS
STATS
Level: 231 Statpoints: 110
HP: 100 MP: 8878 HP REGEN: 0.40/sec MP REGEN: 0.70/sec
STR: 40 DEX: 121 END: 40 INT: 70 WIS: 70 CHR: 50 LCK: 40
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick); Higher Heal (shortcut: Touch target with pinky and thumb); Search life (shortcut: touch temples) ; Embed Lightning (shortcut: tap weapon of choice twice); Connect Lightning (shortcut: lock fingers); Cure Disease (shortcut: Point pinky at target); Cure higher Curse (shortcut: point ringfinger at target); Counter (Auto); Warphole (shortcut: twist your wrist); Invisibility (shortcut: Cross arms); Spacial cut (shortcut: swing of arm); Intermediate Gravity control (shortcut: stomp with your foot); Analyzing Eyes; Space Prison (Shortcut: Cup hands); Spacial Domain (Shortcut: Grab forearm); Mirage (Shortcut: Touch thumbs)
PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut; Twin Dagger Mastery (100%); Throwing Knives Mastery (100%); Higher Throwing Knives Mastery (13%); High understanding of Magic circles;Spacial Perception; Higher Twin Dagger mastery (12%); Teamwork;
AFFINITIES: Lightning (99,99%); Life (50%); Space (63,30%);
TITLES
The one who made God vomit
You''re fucking ridiculous
Nightmare of the magic Forest
Master of the Harem
Potential ???
CONTRACTS
Unnamed (Threeheaded Lionchicken)
Magic Circles
1. Increase of trainingspeed (5x)
2. Censored for surprise effect
3. Unused
''Ain''t gonna say nothing about all that. The same as always: Some mysteries surfaced and I became even more awesome.''
Oi, your job as the MC is to elaborate on all that! What are you even getting paid for?!
''EXCEPT THAT I''M NOT!''
"Ladies, we''ve trained 4 months for this! Blood, tears and sweat were shed, only to prepare us for what''s to come! But the time has not come yet, for first, we have to get to the arena, which is at the border of the human kingdo-" (Me)
"What are you talking about? We''re standing right in front of it!" (Lydia)
''Huh... so we''re just gonna skip the journey to the arena then? Alright.''
I look at the huge arena. It''s built like the colosseum in Rome, just completely red for some reason.
''This looks like something is saying "YOU CAN''T BUILD THIS BUILDING HERE!" or something like that.''
This ain''t no game
"Let''s get in I gue- JESUS CHRIST ON A MOTORBIKE! WHAT THE FUCK?!" (Me)
Just as I was about to go in with my team, I encounter my arch-nemesis. It''s the most despicable kind of human in the whole world, which shouldn''t even exist in my opinion.
"How about we get into our room later and then we have a little fun, Hajime?" (Lady with serious tits... I mean like they must be at least E Cup... damn)
"NOOOO! You''re not allowed to do that!" (Another girl... I want the tits back)
"I... want him for myself too..." (Quiet girl)
Up until now it would''ve been alright, but what came next was a fucking attack to all men.
"Hahahaha... you guys really like to tease me, huh?" (That fucking dense protagonist guy, I think Hajime was his name)
''SCREENY!''
FUCKING KILL HIM
"Oh? Are you guys perhaps also participants of the tournament?" (That fucking dense protagonist guy, I think Hajime was his name)
''My god, he even likes to start conversations with strangers! I FUCKING HATE HIM ALREADY!''
"Wait! Before you say anything, answer me one question!" (Me)
"Euuhh... alright?" (That fucking dense protagonist guy, I think Hajime was his name)
"What kind of relationship do you personally think you have with all those women around you?" (Me)
"We are all friends, right?" (That fucking dense protagonist guy, I think Hajime was his name)
He turns around to his own harem of 5 girls. His blonde hair flutters around and his blue eyes let out an honest vibe. The armour he''s wearing makes metallic sounds, which just shows how heavy it is.
''Why the fuck is he wearing a heavy plated armour to a wizard tournament?!''
"We... are the best of friends!" (That girl who came after the one with the big tits)
"I wouldn''t mind a bit more though, fufu." (Titty-lady)
"Are you actually trying to make me vomit?" (Me)
"Haha, you''re pretty funny! My name is Hajime! Hajime Hiiro!" (Hajime)
''Christ, he even has a name straight out of a light novel!''
Hajime offers me his hand. It looks surprisingly bulky, even if you take his armour into consideration.
"You have 2 choices right now. Either you reveal that you are not a dense protagonist, or you die. It''s as simple as that." (Me)
"What do you mean by "dense protagonist"?" (Hajime)
"Second choice taken!" (Me)
I pull my knives out of my inventory and prepare myself for my first human kill in a while, but Aline immediately stops me.
"You idiot! You mustn''t attack him! If you hurt someone outside of the arena, then we''ll be disqualified!" (Aline)
''Of course I can''t. In what world would I be able to kill when I want to?!''
"Haha! You''re weird, but I like that! What''s your name?" (Hajime)
"Why should I tell my name to scum like-" (Me)
"His name is Yu. Yu Krifta." (Lydia)
"I will end you." (Me)
"Well then, Yu, I hope we won''t fight too early on in the tournament!" (Hajime)
''Please God, I want to rip his useless balls out! Give me the opportunity as soon as possible!''
I see Hajime leave and finally Aline lets me go from her ridiculously strong grip.
"I''m slowly regretting that I made you able to get so strong." (Me)
"God damnit, how dare she touch him so crudely. I only need 5 seconds to cut both her hands off. I wonder what would happen if I did that at night?" (Janna)
"Janna, stop mumbling death threats again. You''re scaring Aline." (Me)
"I-I-I-I''m not scared! Why would I be scared?! YOU''RE SCARED!" (Aline)
"You''re not very convincing when your knees are trembling, Aline. But I guess that just adds to your charm." (Me)
"WHA- WHAT CHARM, YOU IDIOT?!" (Aline)
"Exactly that charm. Now then, I guess it''s about time for the "Tournament Arc" to start!" (Me)
I turn to the colosseum and look at its full glory.
You should have just killed him
''God fucking damnit, I know.''
Thats not how you use your tongue
Inside a hallway in the colosseum, I only have one thing on my mind right now.
"OH YOU DIRTY BITCH! WORK THE SHAFT, WOULD YOU?!" (Me)
"Huh?!" (Prime minister)
How that happened? Let lil'' ol'' me tell you the story behind that.
About 1 hour before that.
"That''s... That''s a fuck load of people..." (Me)
Just as we entered the colosseum, a huge crowd of people surrounds us in their seats. If I had to guess, it would be about 70.000 people.
"What? Could it be that you have stagefright?" (Lydia)
"I bet if I were to take someones virginity right here, then the stagefright would disappear. Want to serve as a volunteer?" (Me)
"I respectfully decline." (Lydia)
"That''s what I thought." (Me)
As we progressed, we see about 80 people surrounding a single person. That person looked a bit out of place, since every kid that surrounding him had a bit of a flashy look, meanwhile he looked pretty dirty with his unshaved face and messy, long black hair.
Since that was most likely the place where we had to meet up at, we go towards the crowd.
"*hum*" (Me)
You seem to be in a good mood? I thought that you hated places where a lot of people meet up?
''Yep. Even though I hate these kinds of events, there''s still one thing I look forward to.''
And that is?
''The energetic commentator! Who doesn''t like a commentator, who explains every single move of yours as if it was the birth of his own child?''
And this is the moment where exactly the opposite happens. I begin to think you''re doing this on purpose...
"So... yeah. I''m your commentator for this tournament..." (Commentator)
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MONOTONE VOICE?!" (Me)
"Euh... yeah. I don''t really want to be here..." (Commentator)
The commentators voice was constantly monotone, while his eyes radiate as much will to live as those of a dead fish.
"This... tournament will have the normal knockout system. Euuuh... about 32 schools participate, so to get first place you have to win 5 matches... yeah..." (Commentator)
(Authors note: Like this:
Every single participant was silent. Only after a few moments, a certain person dared to ask a question.
"How do we know when we have to fight whom?" (Hajime)
''Of course it''s him who would ask a question. Doesn''t he know the feeling of being afraid of making a mistake in front of a crowd? I fucking hate him.''
"Euuhh... over there is a blackboard, where everything is listed. Now excuse me, I need to find a rope to hang myself." (Commentator)
"Oi... you alright?" (Me)
"I just said I want to hang myself. What the fuck do you think?" (Commentator)
"Wait a second, I have a rope right here. Fucking prick." (Me)
The commentator without a real name left with the rope in hand and immediately every single person runs to the blackboard.
"Yeah, I ain''t queueing up for that." (Me)
I twist my wrist, resulting in the blackboard falling through a warphole and appearing in front of me.
The crowd, who was just now running towards the board, turns around and looks at me with wide open eyes.
"What? Never seen a person who could teleport things to his liking?" (Me)
''Shit. Seems like I''ll only be able to whoop that Hajime''s ass nearly at the end.''
Just as I was turning around, a blackhaired girl passed me with a bizarre smile on her face. Her completely black dress is a bit made like one you would wear to a ball, with all the frills and shit like that. Coupled with her black parasol she looks just like someone going through her emo phase. But even so, her face is perfectly formed. From her red lips, to her big, red eyes to her perfect cheekbones. Everything was placed just like it should be. Just her body leaves place for improvement.The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
"Seems like we''ll only meet at the end. What a shame." (???)
She continues to pass me.
"Now, why the fuck should I just let you go?" (Me)
"Cause you can''t stop me." (???)
Suddenly, liquid darkness swallows her up and she vanishes, leaving no traces behind.
"That... damn. Sassy, I liked that. Not bad." (Me)
"Yu? Who was that?" (Aline)
"Just an acquaintance I''ve met once before. I took over her special place once. Fun times." (Me)
"Huh?! What do you mean special place?! YU! DON''T IGNORE ME! TELL ME WHAT YOU MEANT, AT ONCE!" (Aline)
Since our first fight is gonna begin soon, I go to our dedicated room. Every team gets their own rooms, in which they can live those three days. The room in itself isn''t really something noteworthy. It''s just the usual luxurious shit with a bed for every participant, but still in one room.
"Whoops." (Me)
4 of those 6 beds suddenly exploded.
"Yu... you did that on purpose, didn''t you?" (Lydia)
"Haha... yeah." (Me)
Suddenly, as if someone wanted to progress in the story, someone knocks on the door.
*knock knock*
"Come in?" (Me)
The door opens and a sleazy, middle aged man comes in. His mustache is pretty much one which only villains would wear like that. With his thin and crooked stature his villain-like look only gets worse.
"Hello, young man. I presume you are Yu Krifta?" (???)
"Damn straight." (Me)
"Just like I thought he would be.I''m the prime minister of our kingdom. I''m here to-" (Prime minister)
''What the fuck? Does he think I didn''t hear what he just said? And I thought when I''m acting retarded I''m retarded, but he''s on another level.''
Didn''t you do the exact same when you first met God?
''Why do you even know that?! You weren''t even there yet!''
"WAIT!" (Me)
''Now watch Screeny.This is gonna be good.''
"Y-yes?" (Prime minister)
"Let''s hold this conversation outside, alright?" (Me)
"Euh... alright?" (Prime minister)
"Yu?" (Belka)
"I''ll be right back. I just have some business with this uncle here, alright?" (Me)
"Alwight!" (Belka)
The door closes behind us. The hallway we now stand in is completely empty, except for us two.
"So?" (Me)
"Yes, of course. As I wanted to say, I''m the Prime minister of the human kingdom and was sent here by the king." (Prime minister)
"Cool." (Me)
"C-Cool? *cough*Yes, it is pretty... cool. Since we''ve already heard of you from the dungeon break at our school, we wanted to make you an offer." (Prime minister)
"Huh." (Me)
"As we were able to see, you have a bright future ahead of you, so we offer you a place at the royal guard! Isn''t that fantastic?" (Prime minister)
"Alright, continue." (Me)
The Prime ministers face contorts, since he seemingly ran out of things to say. He probably expected me to accept his offer immediately.
"W-With your immense strength you could contribute to the kingdoms safety and protect the citizens! By accepting this offer, you can most likely become the royal guard captain and as such get riches and prestige!" (Prime minister)
"Nice." (Me)
The Prime ministers face breaks out in panic. He doesn''t really have the calmness one would normally have if you were confronted with politics all the time, which indicates that he most likely bought this position or used some other tricks to get into it.
"You are most likely a smart boy. Coupled with your unlimited potential, you can achieve a lot in the circles of our kingdom! You truly have a bright future ahead of yo-" (Prime minister)
"OH YOU DIRTY BITCH! WORK THE SHAFT, WOULD YOU?!" (Me)
"Huh?!" (Prime minister)
And that brings us to the present.
"W-Work the shaf-?!" (Prime minister)
"Oh, excuse me. It''s just that I like to dirty talk when someone IS SUCKING MY DICK!" (Me)
''Another thing I can cross from my "Things I want to say" list.''
"SU- YOU INSOLENT BRAT! LET''S SEE IF I CAN''T WASH THIS FILTH OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!" (Prime minister)
"From the amount that you''ve been sucking, I would rather have you wash your mouth." (Me)
The prime minister tries to form a spell with his hands, but I immediately stop him by kicking him off his feet.
With him lying on the floor, I put my foot on his ribs to press him down.
"Alright, Bitch. You''ve made exactly 3 mistakes." (Me)
"LET ME GO!" (Prime minister)
"Mistake number 1: You never go outside of a room with someone if he asks you to. Come the fuck on. Why would you do that? Shouldn''t you at least be a bit wary of a boy who seemingly killed about 200 incredibly strong monsters while singing?!" (Me)
"WHA-" (Prime minister)
I kick his nose, resulting in it breaking.
"Shut up. I still have 2 other points. Mistake number 2: You tried to actually control me by tying me down to a position. AGAIN! Didn''t you guys already understand the first time when I declined? You''re worse than Jehovas witnesses, for Christs sake!" (Me)
"And the fird mischtake?!" (Prime minister)
I kick his nose again.
"Didn''t I just tell you to shut up? Now, Mistake number 3: This is actually the worst one." (Me)
"Y-Yesh?" (Prime minister)
His broken nose hinders him to speak properly.
"I didn''t like how you used your tongue while sucking. You need a special technique for that, and you sucked like a pug licking ice cream. So to compensate for all that, I''ll have you do me a favor." (Me)
"A fafor?" (Prime minister) (Authors note: Yes, those errors are intended.)
"You''ll be my spy in royal circles. You''ll inform me about everything they plan which involves me or those around me. Did I make myself clear?" (Me)
"Yesh!" (Prime minister)
I stretch out my pinky and thumb to heal his nose.
"Now there is only one thing left." (Me)
"Huh?" (Prime minister)
"What? Did you think I would just let you go and trust you, so you wouldn''t snitch on me? I''m not as stupid as a certain guy who goes into an empty hallway with a lunatic." (Me)
The prime minister just looks at me with his narrow eyes, completely silent.
"So there''s a new thing I want to try out. You see, I''m very interested in how magic circles work and I just recently found out how I can make them activate under a certain condition. Now I want to try that out. (Me)
"You- You don''t mean on me, right?" (Prime minister)
"No, I mean my secretary Jared. OF COURSE IT''S YOU, YOU DUMB FUCK!" (Me)
A knife falls out of my inventory.
"Of course I can''t have you wash it off, so I''ll carve it into you... literally." (Me)
"No. You- You can''t! I''M THE PRIME MINISTER, YOU CAN''T DO THIS TO ME!" (Prime minister)
"Fucking watch me." (Me)
"AAAHHHHHHH!" (Prime minister)
I turn him on his belly and reveal his back. With the knife ready in my hand, I put the tip on.
Don''t you want to put his ass up, so you can fuck him while you''re at it? I mean, it can''t get gayer than it already is.
''Fuck off.''
After 10 minutes of him struggling and me forcing him down-
''Fuck, this really sounds gay.''
-the magic circle is finished.
"Phew. Now, if you try to reveal some information about me, your head will explode. Don''t you think that''s a great idea? Oh, you fainted." (Me)
I stand up and heal his wound until only a scar remains. With him waking up after about 15 minutes, I return back to my room.
"Yu!" (Belka)
"Yeah, I''m back." (Me)
From torturing one of the most important persons in this country.
Who doesnt love arrogant elves?
"Yeah, I''m back." (Me)
From torturing one of the most important persons in this country.
''You can''t really call that torture! That was a little bit of teasing at most.''
If that was considered teasing, then I don''t even want to imagine what you''re gonna do to those girls when you turn 16...
''Haha yeah... I''m gonna fuck them till they break.''
While we''re talking about fucking: What are you planning to do for the night?
''What do you mean?''
Well, you destroyed those beds, so you guys will have to sleep in one bed.
''I know. Good plan, right?''
But what then?
''What?''
You are going to sleep in one bed, but you promised yourself not to fuck them till you''re 16, since you hate Shotaporn.
''I...''
You didn''t think about that, did you?
"Excuse me, but your match starts in a few minutes. Please go to the preparation rooms." (Cute servant)
"Oh, looks like it''s our turn already. Let''s go guys." (Me)
You can''t just ignore me in hope of me forgetting that.
''I''m pretty sure that I can.''
While switching rooms, I notice that there is still a question open.
''Is the king actually gonna attend?''
I guess so. After all the Prime minister was sent by him.
''Yeah, but why would someone as important as him actually take a few days off just to watch some kids fight?''
He could be a pedophile, Holmes?
''Good point Watson. The former royal guard captain is a hardcore masochist too, so that wouldn''t suprise me even one bit.''
"Yu? Wake up! The fight is gonna start soon." (Aline)
I snap back to reality and see that we already arrived. The preparation room is just the caged, bland room in which the gladiators would wait for their turn to come.
"Oh, thanks. There is just something that''s bugging me, that''s all." (Me)
"Bugging you? Oh, is it the fact that there are so many people watching you and every single mistake you make? You don''t have to worry about that." (Aline)
"I wasn''t even worried by that. I even forgot that.'''' (Me)
''But now I remembered it and boy, am I worried now. Damn, why did the hate for big crowds have to transfer too when I reincarnated. Oi, God. Can''t you do something about that?''
In another realm.
"Why the fuck should I? Considering how overpowered I made you, I love to see you struggle for once." (God)
"ACHOO!" (Me)
"Yu? Did you catch a cold?" (Aline)
''What the fuck is this? Japan?! If that shitty God just talked shit about me, then I swear to Christ, I''ll whoop his ass.''
In another realm.
"Fight me." (God)
"Euhh... so on the left is the team from the human capital school... yeah." (Commentator)
"OI CUNT! I GAVE YOU A ROPE! USE IT" (Me)
"Euhh... on the other side is the royal team from the elven continent... God do I really have to do this?" (Commentator)
The gate opens from both teams.
"Hmpf, so we have to fight against these peasants? I don''t want to dirty my beautiful hands with their filth." (Elf #1)
"By the holy forest, an Elf is on their team! What has such a beauty come to?" (Elf #2)
Out of the other side''s room come 4 male and 2 female Elves, each of them could be considered as beautiful by normal standards.
"Oh? But that boy can be considered as a treasure among humans. He doesn''t look half bad." (Female Elf #1)
"Oh, so you''re gonna play the obnoxious royal cunts, huh? I already wondered when they would appear." (Me)
"ROYAL CUN- *cough* As expected of such a lower lifeform. Only brutish words come from your mouth. You can''t hold a candle to how elegant our race is." (Elf #3)If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
"Oh my, I guess I have to discipline you. Maybe we could meet up later, human?" (Female Elf #2)
"Yu?" (Janna)
"What?" (Me)
"Are they also considered as my future sisters in-law?" (Janna)
"Hmm... no. I don''t like their attitude, and we already have an Elf." (Me)
"Then leave those two to me." (Janna)
Janna pulls out 2 knives out of seemingly nowhere and her bloodlust increases until the point where I could taste it.
"But those girls aren''t bad as well, are they?" (Elf #1)
"I guess so? Maybe we could later get them to service us?" (Elf #4)
"Leave those 4 to me." (Me)
''No one touches my Heroines.''
As per the rules, we meet up in the middle of the arena and shake our hands. Reluctant, but we still do it.
"Oi, cunts. I won''t try to miss your face." (Me)
"Didn''t you want to say that you''ll try to miss their faces?" (Lydia)
"I fucking know what I said." (Me)
"HA! If you ever manage to hit us! I''ll let you know that we don''t even need 10 seconds for our spells!" (Elf #2)
"You don''t even know how sad that just sounded to me." (Me)
We turn around and take our formation. Since this time me and Janna want to take all of them on, the rest just go to the back and we step forward.
"Janna? Wanna make a bet?" (Me)
"Of course!" (Janna)
"Whoever defeats their bunch faster, wins. The winner can command the other one to do one thing." (Me)
"You shouldn''t have said that." (Janna)
''Oh... that''s an... interesting smile. Looks like J*ack the Ripper.''
Rather like the J*ker
It reminds me of the creatures of the abyss I had to fight long ago. I couldn''t sleep for decades after them. Those were really interesting.
"Euh... the round is gonna start when I say "start"." (Commentator)
"WHO THE FUCK HIRED THAT GUY?!" (Me)
"Three." (Commentator)
Pure lightning starts to concentrate on the top of my finger.
"Two." (Commentator)
Janna goes into a sprinter position.
"One." (Commentator)
I form my hand like a gun and point it toward my first target.
"Start." (Commentator)
Just as the Elves wanted to bring their hands together to form a spell, my first shot of "raygun" goes off.
*ZAP*
"One." (Me)
"HIIIIIIIIII" (Elf #2)
The first target immediately went down with his whole body having a deep brown colour.
In the corner of my eye I see Janna sprinting towards her first target, while a knife flies towards the other.
*ZAP*
"Two." (Me)
The next Elf is down. The other two just look at each other with a surprised look on their faces.
Meanwhile, Janna brought the elven girl, who was her first target, down. If the other one hadn''t dodged the flying knife, then I would''ve already lost.
*ZAP*
"Three." (Me)
The last Elf actually tries to run away to the preparation room, but I of course don''t allow that.
Janna reached the last elven girl, but at that point she already lost.
*ZAP*
"End."
You did that on purpose right? I mean the anti-countdown thing.
''You fucking guessed it.''
The fight was over in a matter of seconds. The male Elves still barely hang on to life, while the females actually are nearly dead.
"Good thing that you didn''t kill them, or else we would''ve been disqualified." (Me)
Every single member of the audience is silent. After the shock passed, they break out in extremely loud applaud.
"WHAT IS THAT DUO?! DID THAT BOY JUST USE MAGIC WITHOUT INCANTATION?!" (Audience member #1)
"That girl didn''t even use magic did she? Isn''t this a wizard tournament?!" (Audience member #2)
"WHO CARES?! I WOULD TAKE HER AS MY BRIDE ANY TI- AHHHHHHH" (Audience member #3)
A knife embedded itself inside that guy''s shoulder in the blink of an eye.
''''She might not be as pure anymore, but she won''t be defiled by anyone who lays her dirty eyes on her! UNDERSTOOD?!" (Me)
The whole audience falls back into silence.
"GOOD!" (Me)
"Yu..." (Janna)
Janna looks at me with sparkling eyes. For a slight moment a pink aura envelopes us.
"I guess I can give you an order now, huh?" (Me)
"I will do anything you want. ANYTHING!" (Janna)
''OHOHOHOHOHO! YOU SHOULDN''T SAY THIS OR ELSE YOU''LL GET THIS OLD MAN EXCITED!''
I think it was intended that you get excited
''No shit. Watch this Screeny. You think that she loves me too much? Let''s see what happens after this.''
I grab Janna by the chin and pull her face a bit closer.
"I just want you to always stay by my side." (Me)
OH MY GOD I THINK I HAVE TO VOMIT!
''Come on! This is a classic in shoujo manga!''
"*Pant* *Pant* I don''t want to only stay by your side. *Pant* *Pant* I want to stay inside you." (Janna)
''Okay, now it''s just getting dangerous to go down her route any further.''
"Yeah, so the first round won the team of the human capital... I''m gonna try and hang myself again. Shitty rope just had to snap last time." (Commentator)
"Good luck with that." (Me)
"Fuck you." (Commentator)
"Oi! Stop using magic to enhance your voice! No one wants to hear that anymore!" (Random unknown dude)
"You wanted me to comment on all this shit, not me." (Commentator)
Again, the commentator just leaves with a bit thicker rope in his hands.
"You did it!" (Lydia)
"Hmpf, you would be worth even less if you lost against those guys!" (Aline)
"I''m pwoud of you!" (Belka)
"And I''m proud of you Belka." (Me)
"She didn''t do anything though?" (Lydia)
"She fucking exists, alright? That''s way more than you''ve ever done for me." (Me)
"Now that just hurt..." (Lydia)
"Am I the only one who looks forward to sleeping in one bed?" (Estelle)
With those last words we leave the arena and soon the night approached.
''Screeny? Still awake?''
I''m a fucking screen. I don''t sleep and you know that.
''There was once a time where I would say that this is my own paradise. I mean, surrounded by 5 girls, in one bed, half naked. Who wouldn''t want that?!''
That Hajime guy?
''Okay, yeah. You have a point there. But what normal person wouldn''t want that?''
None
Suddenly someone on the bed shifts, which makes everyone on the bed move.
''And now I''m surrounded by tits. GOD! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!''
I blink away from the mountain of girls I''m buried in and run out of the room.
WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THEM?! ARE YOU INSANE?!
''IF I I STAY THERE ANY LONGER THEN I WON''T BE ABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE AND I JUST CAN''T STAND THE FUCKING THOUGHT OF A YOUNG BOY HAVING AN ORGY! I WOULD FUCKING THROW UP WHILE FUCKING THEM!''
Even if that thought is disgusting, you''re torturing yourself...
''And it fucking hurts more than any physical pain. I need something to cool down.''
I go down the hallway and soon arrive at the outer part of the colosseum. The cool nightbreeze immediately hits my face and the full shining moon calms me down at least a little bit.
''Fuck, I really hate being this young...''
As I stand there, half naked and with a raging boner, I notice one thing.
"Huh... this is the perfect stage to have a deep conversation with my future rival..." (Me)
"Fufufu, the moon tonight is really beautiful, isn''t it?" (???)
"Would ya fucking look at that. What a coincidence." (Me)
In front of me stands a girl with a perfect face in a black nightgown.
"Well then, shall we have our deep conversation?" (Me)
Slowly I''m wondering if you don''t have an ability to see the future somewhere hidden in your status...
The holy maiden
There she stands, in her nightgown. The moon lights her face up, giving her a majestical charm, while her eyes swallow up the light like it was pure obsidian.
"Well then, shall we have our deep conversation?" (Me)
"Hm? What makes you believe that I would just stay here? Haven''t I made myself clear when I always disappeared before a full conversation started?" (???)
Suddenly she gets swallowed up by darkness... AGAIN.
"*Deep inhale*She has sass and I respect that, but I''m still going to kill her." (Me)
Why did she even start the conversation if she''s just going to disappear?
"The essence of her personality up until now is being sassy, so I guess that''s why... hm?" (Me)
I look at the ground where she just stood before and see something interesting.
''Did she do that on purpose? Either way, she just showed me something interesting.''
You''re not gonna say explicitly what it is, right?
''No, why would I?''
Oh, sorry. I forgot for a moment that your essence is being a daft cunt.
''Don''t forget that again, I take pride in that.''
I continue to stand there at the balcony until dawn breaks.
"Aw fuck, I couldn''t get any sleep after all." (Me)
"Yu? Are you alwight?" (Belka)
Belka tugs at my shirt while looking at me with worried eyes.
"Yeah, you look a bit pale." (Lydia)
"Lydia, fuck off for a moment, it''s Belkas turn now." (Me)
"WHY AM I EVEN HERE?! ALL I DO IS GETTING INSULTED AND THAT''S IT!" (Lydia)
I ignore the cursing Lydia skillfully and turn back to Belka with her big, yellow eyes.
"Yeah Belka, I''m alright. You don''t have to worry about me." (Me)
I pat her head which dishevels her white hair a bit.
"Alwight. But Belka will always be there for meou!" (Belka)
''OH MY GOD! NOW SHE EVEN SPEAKS IN THIRD PERSON! HOW MUCH CUTER CAN SHE GET?!''
She puts her arms up and tries to reach for my head in an attempt to pat me too, which of course fails since she''s way too small, but it gives her cuteness points nontheless.
''I swear on my own life, if anyone ever tries to harm her or makes her feel bad, I will make them go through hell.''
"Euh... the next batle will now start... euh... fuck, why am I still living?" (Commentator)
"OI, FUCKNUGGET! THAT''S MY QUESTION! CAN''T YOU EVEN DIE PROPERLY?!" (Me)
"Ah, I this damn noise is back again." (Commentator)
"Yeah, just ignore me. Let''s see if you survive this night." (Me)
"Good luck, little twat. Now to commence with the tournament." (Commentator)
The gates of our rooms open.
"Euh... on the left side is the team from the human capital school... yeah. And on the right side is the team from the cat-tribe-" (Commentator)
"Wait a second. There''s a whole tribe of them?" (Me)
"Uhm... yeah." (Belka)
Belka avoids my gaze with a worried expression.
''Oh no, they didn''t.''
"Oh? What''s that? Isn''t that the cursed child?" (Catguy #1)
"Yeah, it''s a wonder that she still lives." (Catgirl #1)
"Well, we can change that any time. Not that she''s worth anything anyway." (Catguy #2)This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
The already worried Belka hides behind me on the verge of crying.
''Wow, just as I thought about fucking anyone up who tries to make her feel bad, this happens. You''re doing a pretty good job there, God.''
In another realm.
"Thanks." (God)
"Ohohohoho, y''all fucked up SO bad. Oi, you unneeded side-characters who aren''t even worth a name!" (Me)
"Side-characters?" (Catguy #1)
"This little "cursed child", as you call her, is soon gonna make you guys eat catfood out of your own asses!" (Me)
"But we already do that regularly?" (Catguy #2)
"...what?" (Me)
''Should... should I just ignore that?''
Yeah, not even I want to hear that.
''I''m sickened but curious.''
"Yu?" (Belka)
Belka looks at me with a questioning gaze.
"Prepare yourself Belka. This time it''s your turn. You others can just sit back and relax." (Me)
"Again?" (Lydia)
"Damn straight. Belka has to do this herself or else she won''t get over this any time soon." (Me)
"Get over what, exactly?" (Lydia)
"Oh wow, for the first time it''s not a bunch of pixels who ask that, but a real person. That''s the third time I''m surprised today, damn." (Me)
"What do you mean by "pixels"?" (Lydia)
"Oh come on, it''s probably around the tenth time I said that. Take a fucking clue woman." (Me)
And now it''s my turn again, I guess. Why does Belka have to do it herself?
''That''s of course because she, too, has a sad past which seemingly has to do with her own tribe. Now that she has the chance to get some good ol'' revenge, she''s gonna take it and POW! Trauma solved.''
Welcome to Dr. Krifta''s therapy session. Today: How to cure a catgirl from her childhood trauma.
''I bet that show would sell pretty damn well.''
I would watch it.
''I would watch the shit out of that... Someday I''m gonna make that show.''
Just like last time, we meet up at the middle of the arena and the intense staredown begins.
"Let''s make a bet ferals." (Me)
''This is becoming a habit.''
"What bet?" (Catgirl #2)
"I''m gonna win this match only by saying 2 words. And if I really manage to do that, y''all have to kowtow before Belka and apologize." (Me)
"And if we win?" (Catguy #1)
"Then I''ll do whatever you say." (Me)
"Then we''ll make you come eat dinner with us." (Catguy #3)
''Why does this sound like a threat?''
"Deal." (Me)
We turn around and distance ourselves from them. Soon, Me and Belka stand at the opposite side of the enemy team and the Commentator starts the countdown.
"Euh...3... fuck it. Start." (Commentator)
''I''m going to kill him.''
The catguys pull swords out of their sheath and their muscles burst suddenly. Meanwhile, the catgirls of the opposing team stand in the back and start chanting.
''They even got a formation, wow. Not that it matters though.''
Belka turns around, her knees shivering.
"Yu? What should we do? They''re attacking us!" (Belka)
"Belka?" (Me)
First word. A smile creeps up my face.
"Yesh?" (Belka)
''She bit her tongue...''
Second word:
"FETCH!" (Me)
"KYAHAHAHAHAHA! PREY!" (Belka)
Belka''s hair grows until her feet and she grows additional hair where she was as smooth as silk before. She falls on her hands and takes on the position of an animal leaping at it''s target.
I''m not the only one thinking about what happens to her pubes, am I? No? Damn...
She runs towards the enemies and what follows could only be described as a bloodbath.
Oi, didn''t you say that you would get her berserker mode under control?
''Yeah... but how about making it stronger?''
"KYAHAHAHAHA! WEAK! YOU ALL ARE WEAK!" (Belka)
Didn''t you say that you don''t want her to look like that?
''Yeah... but how about making it stronger?''
"HE-HELP ME!" (Catguy #1)
''Everyone who harms the holy maiden shall be punished... oh shit, at this rate they''re really going to die.''
"Yeah... I think the catgirl won. That''s it, humans win." (Commentator)
"BELKA CALM DOWN!" (Me)
Belka, who just now held someone up by clawing his face, immediately shrunk to normal size.
"Meow? Yu? What happened?" (Belka)
''Did I mention that she won''t remember anything when she comes out of berserker mode?''
...
''What?''
I''m pissed that you would let such a cute girl become like that...
''I DIDN''T WANT THAT EITHER! It''s just that it was impossible, even for me, to get that berserker state under control. It''s deeply connected to her only way to buff herself, and god damn her base stats are ABYSMAL. So I had to at least get under control when she can go berserk, so it doesn''t happen randomly. Do you think I would want my cute little cat girl to look like that?!*sob* ''
And that''s it for the explanation folks! See you next time!
''Oi, the chapter is not over yet.''
"So you lost, huh?" (Me)
I talk to the last person who seems to still be conscious.
"Damn cursed one. Fucking monster."(Catguy #2)
I kick him in the face and heal the all the others after that.
"Y''all bastards are now gonna kowtow to Belka." (Me)
All of them put on a disgusted expression but soon they get additional pressure by the audience.
"YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR PROMISES YOU BASTARDS!" (Audience member #4)
"YEAH! YOU BETTER DON''T CHICKEN OUT NOW!" (Audience member #5)
"So? What are you gonna do?" (Me)
Even though as reluctant as it gets, they kneel down in front of Belka with their forehead on the ground.
"WE''RE VERY SORRY FOR WHAT WE DID!" (Enemy team)
"Wawawawawawawa!" (Belka)
Belka panics at first, not realizing what is happening right now, but soon she regains part of her composure. She squats in front of the enemy team and speaks words of holyness.
"You do nyat hyave to apologize to Belka. You did nyat do anyathing bad to Belka, so let''s jyast stop this and become fwiends, okay?" (Belka)
She has her usual naive smile on her face and seems to be completely void of any resentment.
''THERE THEY ARE! THE HOLY WORDS OF THE HOLY MAIDEN!''
In response to Belka''s nice words, the male catboys start to blush a bit.
"Don''t even think about it." (Me)
Lightning starts to crackle around my fingers.
"WHO- WHO WOULD THINK ABOUT WHAT! SHE''S JUST A CURSED CHILD! NOTHING MORE!" (Catguy #2)
"YEAH! THAT''S RIGHT!" (Catguy #1)
''I think I already found my first followers for when I open the church of Belka.''
Haven''t you been pretty nice today? I mean, there was a lack of torturing heathens today, waasn''t there?
''I was? Well, I guess even that is until now a part of my plan.''
How can it be part of your plan if you "guess" that it was part of the plan?
''Don''t sweat the small details.''
"We did it, Yu!" (Belka)
"Yeah." (Me)
I pick Belka up in a princess carry.
"Let''s go back, shall we?" (Me)
"Yesh!" (Belka)
''She bit her tongue again...''
The voices inside of my head
Once again, I''m completely surrounded by darkness.
''Hm? What''s this? Don''t tell me I''ve been transported to another realm again?! Come on, it''s getting old after about 30 times.''
"YOU STUPID SOW *hic* HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE*hic* THAT?!" (Dad)
''Oh nevermind, it''s one of those again.''
"STOP! IT HURTS!" (Mom)
"PLEASE STOP HURTING HER DADDY!" (Me)
''Damn, these dreams won''t leave me alone even in this world, huh?''
In front of my eyes I see my mother lying on the ground with my father raising his hand at her. Her nose seems to have already been broken and there are a few additional bruises on her face and arms, but he still won''t stop. The 4 year old me at that time always just stood there, but that was the first time I wanted to help my mother.
"DON''T TOUCH ME YOU SHITTY BRAT *hic*. DO YOU DISRESPECT ME NOW TOO?! *hic*" (Dad)
''So this time it''s the meltdown after he was fired? I remember how he came through our door and reeked of the usual cheap alcohol... Oh, now comes the best part!''
*SLAP!*
''BOOM BITCH! Shit, I still feel that slap, even now. That hurt like shit.''
The dream slowly collapses and another scene comes up.
''What is this? Some kind of flashback? Fuck, I don''t need this. I''ve experienced all this shit myself. It''s like watching a movie repeatedly. After a while it gets boring you know?''
In this scene I''m with my big sister and my big brother in the kitchen. My mother didn''t come home the day she wanted to come back from her trip, which was weird since she called us the day before and said that she would most likely come back before we woke up.
"Mom is in ER right now." (Sister)
"..." (Me)
"What?" (Brother)
''Ah yes, the usual "What did you just say? I can''t believe that." what. Truly a masterpiece under the stupid routines.''
My sister''s face is already full of tears, while me and my brother just stare in disbelieve.
"The friend she was driving with fell asleep at the wheel at 150 km/h. Mom''s seatbelt broke and she flew out of the windshield. The doctor said that she maybe won''t be able to walk anymore." (Sister)
About 15 minutes later, we get a phone call. It was our aunt who checked up on my father, since he wasn''t answering any of our calls.
"Dad died." (Sister)
My brother finally also breaks out into tears and hugs my sister. After staring at them for about 5 minutes, the 15 year old me at that time leaves the room without a word.
''Oh yes, now begins the cringe. Can''t believe I would break over something as simple as that.''
That15 year old me sits there silently inside his dark room. Slowly you could hear chuckling coming out of his mouth.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" (Me)
''Now that I think about it, that was the first time I laughed about something that wholeheartedly. Fun times.''
As I think about those times, the laughing of the 15 year old me dies down and he turns to me.
''Oh, this is the first time that this happened. How thrilling!''
"It will soon be my turn. Prepare yourself." (???)
The dark space collapses and I wake up.
My eyes slowly open.
"Fucking great. Now I have another voice inside of my head. Not that I already have a fucking screen who''s always an asshole and a chicken who doesn''t seem to do shit, but now some kind of dark entity, who''s edgy as fuck and foreshadows immenent doom, talks shit. What should be his name this time? How about Jim? Sounds like a good name to me." (Me)This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.
I notice someone on the bed moving.
"Yu? What are you talking about? What do you mean by "voices"?" (Lydia)
"Okay that''s it. EVERYONE WAKE UP!" (Me)
Everyone jumps up, surprised at me suddenly shouting.
"Everyone awake? Good. I''m going to tell y''all something." (Me)
You don''t plan to...
''Fuck yeah. I''m planning to tell them about you.''
DON''T!
''Why? Is there some kind of rule which doesn''t allow me to do that?''
No, but I want to surprise them when I somehow get a body. You know, then they''ll be all like "WOAH! WHO''S THAT?!" and I''ll be like "I''m the best friend of your beloved Yu!" and then they''ll be all fascinated and hook me up with some of their friends and then-
"You guys know how I sometimes space out or talk to myself, right?" (Me)
Y u do dis
"Yeah. I already thought how weird that is." (Aline)
"And you also know how I sometimes talk about voices inside of my head?" (Me)
"Yeah, but I always thought that that was just a joke..." (Lydia)
"Well... it isn''t. For example: Lydia? Do you still remember the chicken I tamed inside the dungeon?" (Me)
"You mean the legendary threeheaded griffon? Yes, I do remember." (Lydia)
"No, officialy it''s a chicken and that''s one of the voices. Then I have another cunt inside of my head. Say hi Screeny." (Me)
Hi
"Screeny says hi." (Me)
"And who is Screeny?" (Janna)
"He''s part of the system of this world and also part of an omniscient being of this universe. But y''all don''t have to be intimidated. He''s just an asshole who gets jealous easily." (Me)
You know... fuck you
''Can''t refute that, huh?''
"Wait, so there''s someone who knows more about you than me?" (Janna)
"He probably knows more about me than I do, so don''t be bothered by it." (Me)
"Wait, that''s a whole lot to take in at once." (Lydia)
"Belka likes more fwiends!" (Belka)
"To think that my future husband has voices inside his head... But that doesn''t change my love for him." (Aline)
''Aww, Aline''s so cute. What a shame that I can''t respond to that while the others are here.''
I look forward to how she''ll be in the future
''Stop setting deathflags.''
"Well, so these two are the most major voices in my head. Any questions?" (Me)
"Major?" (Lydia)
"No? Good." (Me)
"Wait, I have one!" (Aline)
"Yes?" (Me)
"Since it seems like you tamed the beast, you should be able to summon it right?" (Aline)
"..." (Me)
''I haven''t done that until now, right?''
No, you didn''t, master
''Huh...''
"Yeah... I think I can do that..." (Me)
''How do I do that again?''
You just have to think about it, master
''I knew that.''
As I think about summoning the chicken, a blinding light fills our room. When the light faded, I see that in front of our bed appeared something, or rather someone.
"Good to finally see you again, master." (Chicken)
In front of our bed is a blonde haired beauty with... formidable assets. And with formidable assets I mean KAPOW! Even the headmaster is nothing against her. Her breasts are easily G-Cup and her hips look fit to give birth to quadruplets easily. But her most outstanding feature would be that yellow wings sprout from her back, making her look similar to an angel.
''But where did she get those clothes from?''
I''ve chosen to materialize this white one-piece dress since it seemingly fits your desires, master
''Oh... don''t tell me... you can see ALL my desires.
I''ve only reached up to the tentac-
''THAT''S FAR ENOUGH! YOU DON''T GO ANY FURTHER THAN THAT!''
As you wish, master
"So this is the legendary threeheaded griffon?" (Aline)
''I''m so gonna fuck that bird.''
You just talked to the bird, so you are aware of her hearing that, aren''t you?
''Hehe.''
...(Authors note: Those dots are from the chicken. Can''t really differentiate it, if there are only dots...)
"Tch. Another rival." (Janna)
*Knock Knock*
"Who''s there?" (Me)
You wanted to make that joke for a while, didn''t you?
(Authors Note: WHY AM I LAUGHING SO MUCH ABOUT THAT?!)
I will that the chicken disappears and the guest who knocked comes in.
"Master, I''m here for the daily report." (Prime minister, who''s now my bitch)
"Right, let me get ready for a second." (Me)
"That... that was the Prime minister of our kingdom, wasn''t it." (Lydia)
"Yep." (Me)
"And he called you master." (Lydia)
"Wow, it''s like we didn''t just see that happen a few seconds ago." (Me)
I put on my pants and go to the door.
"He''s as ridiculous as always." (Lydia)
"Yeah." (Aline)
I close the door and turn to the kneeling Prime minister.
''I''ve done a good job in training him.''
"So? What is it today?" (Me)
"Yes. As you''ve predicted, their opinion about you worsens, espescially since you declined our offer a second time. They are now starting to take measures against you." (Prime minister)
"Do you know what they''re trying to do?" (Me)
"Regrettably not. They''re starting to distrust me as well, so I can''t get as much information anymore." (Prime minister)
"Well, doesn''t matter, since I''ve started to make my move, too." (Me)
"Your move, master?" (Prime minister)
"Not telling. Who knows, maybe you''ll betray me as well?" (Me)
The prime minister flinches a bit, showing that I''ve hit a sore spot.
''He really needs to work on his calmness.''
"You''re dismissed." (Me)
"Yes!" (Prime minister)
The prime minister leaves and I stay in the hallway.
Is it really okay to let him leave just like that?
''Do you think I would let him live, if it wasn''t? He still has his part to do.''
"Now then, I guess our third fight is soon starting, isn''t it?" (Me)
Little did I know, that that fight wouldn''t be as easy as it should have been.
"Well, now I know. Thanks for telling." (Me)
No problem mate.
Massive tits (I mean the birds, chill)
Inside a secret room, at the top of the colosseum.
"Yes, your majesty. It seems like that brat has already made some kind of plans against us." (Prime minister)
Surrounded by beautiful women, nearly completely undressed, is a fat, ugly guy with a tiny crown on his huge head.
"Buhihihi! It doesn''t matter. He''s just a stepping stone for me on my way to truly become king. I don''t necessarily need him. Kill him, but do it inconspicuously. And bring me his companions. I want to see their faces after I break them! *Slurp* " (Prince)
"As you command, prince." (Prime minister)
*SLAP*
"I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME MAJESTY OR KING, YOU MAGGOT!" (Prince)
"I beg for forgiveness, majesty." (Prime minister)
"Now go and make that kid disappear. Anyone who doesn''t join me, shall perish!" (Prince)
Back to our beloved MC
"ACHOOO!" (Me)
"Yu? I thought you can cure diseases?" (Lydia)
"This isn''t a disease, it''s far worse." (Me)
"W- what is it?" (Lydia)
"Someone is talking shit about me behind my back." (Me)
Suddenly, a shiver, like no other, runs down my spine.
"They... they''re tingling." (Me)
Look, I know we know each other pretty well, but I don''t want to know what kind of STD''s you already-
"THEY''RE NOT STD''S! It''s something different." (Me)
"I hope he''s talking to that Screeny." (Lydia)
"It''s pretty weird when it looks like he talks with the air, isn''t it?" (Aline)
"Well, not like he wasn''t weird before." (Lydia)
Lydia is talking shit behind your back, you know?
"That''s not important right now." (Me)
NOT IMPORTANT?! WHAT HAPPENED?! IS IT THE APOCALYPSE?!
I SHALL GET EVERYTHING READY AT ONCE!
"Fuck both of you. But this is something I have to tell you. In my years of watching... stuff... online, I''ve been able to develop a certain instinct. That instinct warns me, if there is an ugly, fat bastard approach-" (Me)
You''ve been watching Hentai, haven''t you?
"No, I''ve most certainly not been watching "Hentai". Anyway, my instinct is going wild right now. I feel someone approaching." (Me)
"Yu? Belka does nyat know what Hentai is. What is thyat?" (Belka)
YEAH! GO ON, TELL HER!
"...Isn''t it time already for the fight to start?" (Me)
"So you finally remembered that we''re close to fighting our third match?" (Lydia)
"Hmpf, not that it will be a challenge to us anyways. We won the last two matches with ease after all, so this one shouldn''t be a problem." (Aline)
"..." (Me)
That was such a perfect Death Flag. You fucked boooiiiiiiiii.
"I''m not looking forward to what''s to come." (Me)
"What do you mean?" (Aline)
Aline looks at me with a perplexed expression and the gate to the arena opens.If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.
"Aline, I like you just as much as you do me, but sometimes it''s difficult." (Me)
"WHA- WHO SAID I LIKED YOU, YOU IDIOT!" (Aline)
"I just said I like you just as much as you do like me, didn''t I? It depends on you." (Me)
"I-! It''s... I... don''t... not... not... not like you." (Aline)
''What does the math say?''
A quadruple negative. It comes out positive.
''God, I love tsunderes.''
We step out of the preparation room and a cheering crowd greets us.
"WOOHOOO! IT''S THOSE INCREDIBLE KIDS AGAIN!" (Audience member #1)
"KYAAAAA! I WANT TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN, YU!" (Audience member #2)
"YU! YOU CAN DO IT!" (Hajime)
In the first row is Hajime with his companions. He, as usual, has his charming smile on his face, but even despite that he looks completely natural.
''Why the fuck is he in the audience?! No, wait. Since he''s been explicitly mentioned, he''ll be important for this match. Fuck, I hate this.''
(Authors note: Oi, no spoilers.)
But, as if fate wanted it, Hajime isn''t the only one I can see in the audience.
Running around are dubious men, clad in black. They position themselves around the arena at about the same distance.
''I''m a bit disappointed at how easy it was to notice it, but it is how it is.''
"Girls, be a bit more careful this time. It could be that we''re not only fighting against one team." (Me)
From the other side come 6 hooded individuals out. Each of average height and average physique. If it wasn''t for all the signs, then I would be pretty arrogant myself right now.
At that moment I realized that something is missing. It''s something insignificant, but even more so it''s weird that it''s not there.
"Where is the commentator?" (Me)
"*Snores*" (Commentator)
"Oh, so he''s asleep. Well, nothing you can do about i- PSYCHE!" (Me)
I throw a knife in his direction to wake him up.
That would normally result in eternal sleep, you know?
''Not that it really matters, since he FUCKING CAUGHT IT!''
In between 2 fingers is the knife I just threw.
"*Snores*"(Commentator)
''He fucking caught my knife while being asleep... not bad I have to say.''
I barrage him with a shitload of my attacks, but he always manages to dodge them one way or another.
"Doesn''t this mean that we won''t have a referee either, Yu?" (Lydia)
"They still can change the referee as far as I kn-." (Me)
"No we can''t." (Random dude #1 who seems to be some kind of staffmember)
"Of course you can''t." (Me)
Both teams meet up at the center of the colosseum. This time there''s only an awkward silence between us, instead of an intense staredown.
"You guys like jazz?" (Me)
I''m gretted with silence.
''PLEASE SAY AT LEAST SOMETHING!''
"I''m sorry, we didn''t want this either." (Hooded guy(?) #1)
"So you were blackmailed, gotcha." (Me)
I turn around and throw a knife with something attached into the crowd.
''This should do it.''
Wow, you''re so cool. Not telling us what that knife was for. It really builds up a sense of-
''Eat my ass.''
I WOULD, IF I COULD!
''Pls no.''
"Alright girls, this''ll probably be a bit more complicated than it was before. This time the only ones who will fight are me, Estelle and Belka. If it gets difficult, then I''ll call you." (Me)
"Wait, why would you only use a few of us if it could get more difficult?" (Lydia)
"Because I don''t want to reveal all of our abilities straight up from the start. There are most likely other teams out there who are checking us out right now. As long as the enemy doesn''t know our full potential, he can''t take precautions against us." (Me)
"...Wow, no sass this time. I thought that-" (Lydia)
"But of course you wouldn''t think about that. What did I even expect from you?" (Me)
"*Sniff* I''m also wondering what I expected." (Lydia)
''Damn, that was actually pretty cute.''
I put my hand on top of her head.
"No need to be crying. You know how much I value you, that''s why I don''t use you until the end." (Me)
"You... you value me?" (Lydia)
Lydia''s cheeks get a bit flushed.
"Of course I do. Who else would put the clothes on I make?" (Me)
"YOU-!" (Lydia)
Laughing, me, Estelle and Belka leave the rest behind.
In front of us are the hooded individuals.
"Since there''s no one to announce the start it... I guess I''ll have to do it." (Me)
*Clears throat*
"IN THE-" (Me)
"Start!"(Random dude #1 who seems to be some kind of staffmember)
''Of course I can''t get that.''
The hooded individuals pull off their coats and what comes out is outrageous.
''HOW DID THEY HIDE THOSE TITS BENEATH THEIR COATS?!''
Under the coats hidden was a team purely consisting of girls with massive assets. They look a bit rough with their unkempt hair and dirty look, but God knows I would smash.
In another realm.
"I actually really know how much he wants to and it''s pretty disgusting." (God)
Back to our MC.
Just when I started to fantasize about them, I feel something about them change.
"AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!" (Massive titted girls)
They start to grow bigger by the second and soon I''m standing in front of 6, 20 meters big, girls with massive tits.
''I wonder how it would feel to sleep on them...''
You mean with them?
''Nope.''
"BELKA FETCH!" (Me)
"KYAHAHAHAHA!" (Belka)
Belka sprints towards them with impressive speed and starts cutting them apart at the base of their feet. But at the same moment, their wounds get healed. The culprits are none other than the hooded guys in the audience.
"OI! THAT''S CHEATING!" (Me)
"*Snores*" (Commentator)
"Alright, now you guys pissed me off. ESTELLE GO AND PULL THEIR ATTENTION TO YOU!" (Me)
"GLADLY!" (Estelle)
Estelle activates her taunt skill and immediately the aggro is on her.
This isn''t a raid boss, you know?
''What part of that isn''t a raid boss? We got the "gigantic" part and the "hard to kill" part.''
The giants frantically try to hit Estelle, but she just stands there with her giant shield and takes it like a champ.
"Estelle! How long can you last?!" (Me)
"AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO!*Moan*THANKS FOR THE TREAT!" (Estelle)
''A masochistic tank can really be convenient.''
I raise my palm and lightning starts to crackle around my fingers.
"I GUESS IT''S MY TURN NOW!" (Me)
''I must look so badass with this gesture.''
You look as retarded as always.
''I look badass.''
The second favor is the most important one
''I look badass.''
You''ve been debuffed!
All stats have been reduced by 50%!
HA! HOW BADASS ARE YOU NOW?!
I use "Cure higher Curse" on myself, rendering the debuff useless.
TACTICAL RETREAT!
''That''s what I thought.''
The six giants continue to attack Estelle. If I didn''t craft her a new armour she would definetly be already dead by now.
Name: Painfully Hard Fullbody Armour of invincibility
Rank: Legendary
Defense: Varies
Option: 1. Wearer can regulate how much pain is felt.
2. The more pain is felt, the more "Defense" this armour gets. (Ratio: 1% of additional pain = 25 Defense)
3. HP Regeneration +250%
Magic circles: If at 5% health, regenerate full HP (only once per day); May sacrifice 50% health for a burst of life force, inflicting 1500 damage to nearby opponents
Durability: 15000/15000
Description: Only a lunatic would wear this piece of equipment. Like paper if you don''t like pain, but at it''s best it could even defend the hit from a half-god. For real, why would you wear this?
Her completely emerald armour shines in the bright light from the sun. This picture would look majestic, if only there wasn''t one other thing.
"COME ON! HIT ME HARDER! IS THAT ALL YOU''VE GOT?!" (Estelle)
''I''ve done a great job on that armour. A masterpiece if I had to say so myself.''
I pull out two relatively normal daggers out of my inventory and enhance my whole body. With that I start to participate in the fight.
I teleport in front of a giants feet and stab two knives into her. I pull myself up on them and continue to build myelf a ladder of knives until I reach her head.
''Now, to finish my work of art.''
I stab two knives into her eyes, which in return makes her stop attacking Estelle and instead scream out in pain.
"AAAARRGGGGGHHHHH!" (Giant with massive tits #1)
I lock my fingers and the knives, which were imbued with lightning, send a shock from bottom to top. The first giant falls down.
''Damn, I feel like I''m out of a certain show with titans as enemies of mankind when I''m defeating those.''
Just say Attack on Titan. It''s no use hiding it when you make it this obvious.
''Shush. The Gods of copyright might hear you!''
The taunt of Estelle wears off and the Giants lock their eyes on me. Some of them summersault over their companions (ever seen a Giant doing flips?! Damn that''s terrifying) and surround me in no time.
"Now this may look like you''ve surrounded me, but check again!" (Me)
I flick my fingers and teleport outside of their circle... is what I would say right now, if it actually activated.
All movement spells have been blocked!
''That''s actually pretty inconvenient.''
"This is where you die, human!" (Giant with massive tits #2)
"Talk like a caveman while you''re at it. Not that you already look like a hobo with your dirty looks." (Me)
She lifts her foot up and prepares to stomp me to the ground with it. I already start my preparations to counterattack, but in that moment, Belka comes to my aid.
"DON''T IGNORE ME, PREY!" (Belka)
She jumps up the giant and scratches her eyes out, which makes her foot miss me. The other Giants try to get Belka off by slapping her away, but she dodges resulting in the others just slapping their comrade.
''That''s actually pretty hilarious.''
One Giant focuses on me again, which is the right strategic decision, but boy, was it wrong at the same time.
She lifts her foot as well in an attempt to stomp me, but I open a huge warphole in her trajectory and redirect her kick to her own face. With my "Counter Attack" skill, it does even more damage than it would''ve done to me.
Confused, she gets stunned for a second. In that second I open a second warphole, which takes away her last supporting leg and she falls down like a cut tree. Me and Belka finish her off. We barrage the downed Giant swiftly with continuous punches and soon she''s knocked out.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
"Only 4 to go! This is easier than I thought!" (Me)
And you complain about Aline and her death flags?
Just when I said that, I regret it. From behind me, a sorcerer from the audience hits me with an unusual spell.
You were hit by a curse!
Can not be cured for 5 minutes!
All stats decreased by 50%!
''Would ya look at that.''
A Giant tries to swat me away from her companion, but I dodge by jumping over it. Landing on her hand, I activate "Lightning step". I sprint up her arm and, with the gained momentum, manage to get in a good hit. But it isn''t nearly strong enough to make enough damage, due to the debuff.
Since the debuff makes me only half as strong physically, I switch over to more... tricky things.
''There is one thing I wanted to try out.''
I teleport about 40 meters into the air.
"YOU''RE GONNA LIKE WHAT''S ABOUT TO COME!" (Me)
I let both, Belka and Estelle, fall through a warphole to a safe area. I do the same to one of the giants, but this time, I teleport her close to me.
''I call this move "Human Cannonball".''
You... you''re not... right?
''I think you know the answer to that.''
HAHAHAHAHA NICE!
What does master mean by that?
What? You still don''t know, Bird? Alright, let me explain. First, he''s gonna let her fall a bit.
I let the Giant fall for a while.
Then he''s gonna boost her a bit with "Gravitation" magic.
I boost the Giant with a bit of Gravitation magic.
He teleports the individual back to him and repeats this a few times.
''Okay, this is getting boring.''
I do exactly what he just said and repeat this a few times. After I built up enough momentum, I shoot the Giant towards another Giant.
*BOOOOOOOOM*
''This takes a shitload of mana, BUT DAMN IT''S EFFECTIVE!''
I do the same to the other two Giants and finish the fight with that.
I think that was your most impressive move by now.
''Considering all the omen, this was actually easier than I thought. It took a bit of mana to make all those portals, but training the space element lowered the mana cost tremendously.Thank God that these guys in the audience are not as good as I thought they would be. I mean, they were most likely sent by the king or whoever that might be. I assumed that they were at least a bit stronger.''
Now you''re just getting cocky.
''You call that cocky? I''ll show you cocky.''
Every single Giant I either used as a target or as a cannon is now squashed and at the brink of death.
I land on top of the Giants and take on the position of a hero, with my knee at a higher position and my dagger pointing forwards.
''This is-''
At that moment, someone interrupts my moment of posing.
"YU!" (Hajime)
"FOR FUCKS SAKE! I HATE YOU MORE EVERY TIME I SEE YOU! NO ONE HAS EVER MANAGED TO DO THAT UNTIL NOW!" (Me)
Hajime stands in the audience, surrounded by 30 or so children, each about 5-6 years old.
I SAVED THOSE CHILDREN YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT! THEY REALLY WERE IN A HIDDEN CHAMBER INSIDE THE COLOSSEUM!" (Hajime)
''Oh right, there still was that. I completely forgot.''
Was it the knife you inconspicuously threw in his direction, which told him that there were children being kept as hostages who were used to blackmail those guys you just defeated?
''...you just had to take that moment of glorious explanation away from me, didn''t you?''
Come on. You only used one line to describe an action, which seemingly didn''t seem to be very important, and then someone from exactly that direction, where you threw the knife to, does something in your name. You can''t even expect someone to be surprised about that and say shit like "WOW, I DIDN''T EXPECT THAT!"
(Authors note: I swear to christ, I already know that at least one of you twats is gonna write that.)
''Blame the author for using those obvious plot points. He''s the one without imagination.''
(Authors note: So we''re doing this again, huh?)
''Fight me.''
But why would you even save those brats? I don''t think you did that purely out of good will
''Good will? HA! What''s that?! The reason why I did that, is the following.''
The giant under my feet starts to shift. Even under her cracking bones, she still manages to look up to the saved children.
"You- you''re saved. But who-" (Giant with massive tits #1)
I jump down from her head and land in front of her eyes.
"Don''t worry, I took care of those. You don''t need to be afraid of losing." (Me)
''Now that I think about it, if those kids hadn''t showed up about now, then, if it would have gone after the standard script, those Giants would''ve probably gone into some kind of rage "to save their kin". That would''ve been pretty annoying, so Hajime gets one plus point for today. Only about 59832 to go.''
The Giant breaks out in tears and slowly shrinks back to her normal size.
"I*hick*am so glad. I can''t*hick*thank you enough." (Giant with massive tits #1)
The other giants follow her example and also start crying.
"I''ll only be needing one favor from you in the future. Just one." (Me)
"I''ll do anything you ask for! You saved my brothers and sisters from death. For that I would even give up my life!" (Giant with massive tits #1)
''I... I planned to use her position, as seemingly an important person inside of her country, to make her help me getting the throne of this one, but now I''m... torn.''
"Let''s say I need 2 favors." (Me)
"I promise, by my name Isabelle van J?tun, that I will fulfill those favors. Under all costs." (Isabelle)
''Pretty nice words, considering that I just used her as a cannonball to attack her own kin.''
*Pop!*
The sleep bubble from the commentator popped, signaling that he just woke up.
''Oh wow, so we''re even gonna use that clich? Let''s just use every japaneseclich there is, and in the future, when I finally get to see some "action", then I''ll just be fucking shouting ITADAKIMASU!''
(Authors note: You know what?)
''No, you won''t.''
(Authors note: I''m gonna use that.)
''This story loses quality by the second.''
"Huh, what? Oh, it''s already over? I didn''t even notice it. I didn''t miss something, did I?" (Commentator)
"Oh no, of course not. Only that someone here broke practically every rule there is and used that against me, while you were sleeping. But nothing important." (Me)
"Euh... so nothing important... nice." (Commentator)
"YOU FUCKING TWAT! I NEARLY DIED!" (Me)
''I didn''t, but who doesn''t love to make things a bit more dramatic, just to make that person feel bad?''
"Oh... I guess... sorry. I owe you one, I guess." (Commentator)
''Oh, got another favor. A useless one, but still a favor.''
"Yeah, so... the team of the human kingdom won against the team of the Ice Giants." (Commentator)
''Oh, so they were Ice Giants. Cool.''
The audience breaks out in cheers, while the hooded men run away.
''I''m gonna kill them anyway when I get the ugly bastard, whoever that might be, so there''s no need to ruin my good image right now, by chasing after and killing them.''
The now patched up team of female Ice Giants run towards their family and they embrace each other in a heartwarming hug.
"That''s so sweet." (Lydia)
''I feel sick.''
"And they were only able to reunite because of you, Yu! You really are a good person." (Hajime)
"Excuse me, I need to vomit for a second." (Me)
"Haha! Funny as always!" (Hajime)
''God, I hate him.''
FIRST INTENSE CLASH BETWEEN RIVALS... not really, but I need a title
Inside a secret room, at the top of- Really? We''re gonna use that description again? *Sigh* It''s where the fat, bastard prince is. Fuck this shit.
*SLAM!*
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DEFEATED THE ICE GIANTS JUST NOW?!" (Prince)
The fat prince sits as usual on his throne, surrounded by beautiful women. His face is even uglier than usual, since it''s contorted by anger.
"It seems that even with the help of our sorcerers we couldn''t defeat him. His fighting style was just too new and unpredictable." (Prime minister)
"GOD DAMNIT! DID HE AT LEAST NOT NOTICE OUR SORCERERS?!" (Prince)
"I-I don''t think so." (Prime minister)
Where our MC is right now.
Yes, he did notice.
"What? Wait, did you just answer a different scene?" (Me)
Back to the fat prince.
"Good, then he at least doesn''t know that someone wants him dead." (Prince)
Back to our MC.
Yes, he does know.
"Stop replying to different scenes. I get screens in front of my face, even though I don''t know the context for them." (Me)
Back to the fat prince.
"Send assassins! The best we have! The cost doesn''t matter. I only want him dead!" (Prince)
"I''ll hire them as soon as I can." (Prime minister)
"Buhihihi! I look forward to how those little girls taste *Slurp*." (Prince)
Back to our MC. (That''s the last one, I promise)
''Is that it? No more unexpected screens anymore?''
Yeah, their dialogue ended.
''Cool. So where were we?''
You were just praised as a hero by the audience because you saved those children from an unknown danger.
''Oh, right.''
I wave at the audience with a charming smile on my face.
"YOU ROCK, KID!" (Audience member #25)
"IMPREGNATE ME!" (Ugly chick from the audience #369)
''Yeah, I''d rather not.''
"Still has the nicest ass in the universe." (Deep voice from the audience)
''HE''S BACK!''
The cheering dies down over time and the day comes to an end.
Day turned to night. The location is our room.
''Why did that sound like a damn report?''
"Hmpf! I told you that the fight would be easy!" (Aline)
"But you didn''t do anything?" (Janna)
Aline and Janna stand face to face in front of the double bed. It''s actually a rare thing for them to be talking, so I just watch them from the balcony.
"It was just not my turn yet! If I had participated, then they wouldn''t have lasted a second!" (Aline)
Aline looks at Janna with a smug expression and her arms crossed, which gives her back her old impression of a haughty princess.
"Yeah, keep lying to yourself." (Janna)
"WH- WHO''S LYING?! YOU ARE COMPLETELY USELESS IF IT DOESN''T INVOLVE YU!" (Aline)
"Says the one who was depressed about Yu not letting her fight with him. I can still recall the little girl who drew broken hearts on the ground with a stick about 5 hours ago just because she was feeling lonely." (Janna)If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.
''YOU DON''T JUST SAY THAT TO A TSUNDERE, JANNA! THAT''S RESERVED FOR MY TEASING MOMENTS!''
"Me and little girl? Don''t make me laugh! You don''t have the right to say that, since you didn''t "grow" since you were 10!" (Aline)
''CRITICAL HIT!''
"YOU LITTLE-" (Janna)
''Yeah, it''s time to break that up. Now Screeny, what phrase do we use in those situations to make them give off a friendly feeling?''
Hmm... maybe: "If you stop fighting, then I''ll fuck both of you right here at once."?
''...Holy shit, that''s genius. But not this time my dear perverted brother... sister... IT''S BEEN 14 YEARS! WHAT ARE YOU?!''
(????)
''Cunt.''
"You guys really get along well, don'' you?" (Me)
"WE DON''T!" (Janna & Aline)
''I already had the feeling before that there was some kind of rivalry going on between them. Weirdly it started when I conquered Aline. I wonder why that happened?''
You don''t.
''I sure as HELL don''t.''
I just let out a satisfied smile at the both of them, since their quarrel about the fight ended and instead got replaced by an agressive silence.
"Stop arguing, pwease! We are fwiends here, awen''t we?" (Belka)
''AND DOWN DESCENDS THE HOLY MAIDEN!''
I go over to Belka and put her on my lap, so I can stroke her ears.
"*Purr*" (Belka)
''I''ll be living like this now. Right here, in this position.''
I notice something moving in front of our balcony. I scratch my temples in an attempt to stay unnoticed as I activate my "Search life" spell.
"That''s right Aline and Janna. Stop arguing. It''s not the time for that." (Me)
I fiddle around with Belka''s ears while saying that and try to imprint every single soft hair of hers into my memory.
Janna and Aline look at each other for a brief second before turning their heads away.
"Why is it not the time for that?" (Lydia)
"Why? Because it''s already bedtime girls. Come on." (Me)
With a wave of my hands the many candles, which lit the room, go out.
"Whaaaat? Already? Belka doesn''t *Yawn*want to go to sleep yet." (Belka)
She rubs her teary eyes after the yawn.
"No "buts"! Good night, sleep tight and don''t let the bed bugs bite!" (Me)
"BED BWUGS?!" (Belka)
"It''s just a phrase." (Me)
15 minutes pass before everyone''s breathing becomes rythmical. At that moment I decide to greet my guest in front of our balcony.
*Quiet Clap*
I blink myself out of the mountain of girls (reluctantly) and meet the unexpected visitor.
"..." (Me)
"Fufu, aren''t you even going to greet me?" (???)
In front of me is the sassy rival.
"Wait a second." (Me)
I pull a sheet of paper out of my inventory and scribble something on it.
As soon as I said that, I feel the mana in the environment moving but it gets immediately dispersed.
"Ho? So you blocked my movement spells?" (???)
"Yep. I''m soon ready. Just another thing." (Me)
I stomp my foot and in return my "Intermediate gravity control" activates, which increases the gravity around us by about 15 times.
The bitch has to kneel down for a second, but that doesn''t last for long since she uses a spell to strengthen herself.
"Pretty cheeky to do that, considering the fact that I''m just here to warn you." (???)
Her face looks as calm as ever, but a bit of hostility is carried in her voice.
"That''s just to make you not run away again. I feel a bit lonely if I always get stood up, you know?" (Me)
She just looks at me with a smile on her face. I return that smile with my version of it.
"Since our little dick comparing contest is over, and I clearly won, you are now allowed to say what you wanted to." (Me)
"If you have to compare your dicksize with a girl, then that just shows how "big" you are, does it not? But I am not one to judge, fufu." (???)
OHHHHHHH SHIT! FEEL THE BURN! I LIKE THAT CHICK!
''I just wat to remind you that you are MY ally.''
Nah m8, Imma switch over to her.
''I hope that the next companion I get is actually useful.''
(?n?)
"What do you want?" (Me)
"Both of us got a point then? Fufu, like I said, I just wanted to warn you." (???)
"From what?" (Me)
"It seems like someone is after your life. Someone from the higher ups." (???)
"Oh that? Yeah, I already knew that. Actually, I initiated that." (Me)
She looks at me with a perplexed expression. Her pale face stands out in the dark night.
"Well, I don''t know how it is for you, but I already have my goals set in "this"world. This fight against the higher up, whoever that might be, is just my first step." (Me)
"Fufu, how foolish of me. Of course you would be already aware of that. I really should stop underestimating you." (???)
"Come to think of it. I actually have an offer for you involving that." (Me)
"Ho? I''m listening." (???)
"This does sound intriguing, fufu. I accept." (???)
"Good, I hope we get along on this one." (Me)
I twist my wrist and she falls through a warphole, which other end is located about 150 meters in the air.
''She''s not even screaming, not bad.''
Before she hits the ground, I rip the paper apart which restricted her movement spells and she gets swalloed up by liquid darkness.
"Two points for me and one for you. It''s my win." (Me)
Sure thing, buddy.
''You got something to say?''
Actually, yeah. What did you mean just now by"this world"when you talked about your goals?
''What? Do you think that I would be satisfied with just being king here?''
Ah right, how could I forget your god complex. I''m such a clutz.
''Well, soon it''s not only going to be a complex.''
Dawn soon came and I return to my room with another night of sleep missing.
"*Yawn*Hm, Yu? Why are you already awake?" (Lydia)
"Just wanted to look at your beautiful face while you were sleeping." (Me)
"Whose soul did it take for you to say that? My father or my mother?" (Lydia)
"Both actually. My services aren''t that cheap." (Me)
"Nice to see you all sarcastic right in the morning." (Lydia)
I stretch and look at the rising sun.
"Today is gonna be a good day." (Me)
Why?
"I can beat Hajime''s ass today, that''s why." (Me)
"IT''S WEIRD IF YOU TALK WITH THE AIR! STOP THAT!" (Lydia)
"I CAN DO WHOTEVA THA FOCK I WANT YA DIRTY BITCH!" (Me)
Hajime, the drama queen
In a row in front of our enemy we stand.
Soon, we ought to reach for each others hand,
but only at the thought of it, I need to gag,
Quick someone, get me a bag!
WHAT?! DID YOU REALLY START OFF THIS CHAPTER WITH A BAD POEM?!
''Excuse me, but I needed a whole fucking week for this. I ask for a bit more appreciation.''
As I just explained, Hajime stands right in front of me right now, with our allies rowed up besides us. The dirt beneath our feet feels like mud because of the falling rain and my underwear once again doesn''t sit right.
"I hope for a good match, Yu." (Hajime)
He reaches out his open palm in an attempt for a handshake.
"*Spit* Die in hell for all the sexually frustrated girls you left behind." (Me)
"Haha! Don''t be like that, buddy! It''s not like they were interested in me anyways." (Hajime)
"Don''t call me buddy. And I hope that you''re aware of the fact that the big tittied lady besides you-" (Me)
"Hi~" (Big tittied lady beside him who we already saw at his introduction)
"-literally invited you to her bedroom the first time we met." (Me)
"She just likes to tease me a bit." (Hajime)
I breath in and calmly breath out to calm my nerves.
"I will end you." (Me)
"Let''s see who wins this match, pal!" (Hajime)
"Don''t you dare calling me that another time." (Me)
We turn our backs to each other and go opposing ways.
"So? Who will fight this time?" (Lydia)
"Me." (Me)
"And?" (Lydia)
"Me." (Me)
"And?" (Lydia)
"I will fight him alone you dumb nut." (Me)
"WHAT?! I DON''T GET TO FIGHT AGAIN?!" (Aline)
"Why do you want to fight him alone?!" (Lydia)
"Because I want to. You really need to stop overthinking my reasons, you won''t get a lot out of it." (Me)
And why do you really want that?
''It just happens that I hate people who go naive through their life without anything bad happening to them. And this time, I will be the first bad thing that happens to him.''
I step away from my group and face the enemy team again.
"Yu... don''t tell me you''re going to plan on fighting us alone?!" (Hajime)
"I will be more than enough for you, you dense twat." (Me)
The usual monotone voice rings out from the booth at the top of the colosseum.
"Euh... yeah... so this time... euh... two teams from the human academies are fighting each other... yeah..." (Commentator)
"We can see that you stupid cunt." (Me)
"Yeah... I''m just gonna say start... start." (Commentator)
As soon as the commentator said it, Hajime and his group form a formation with him at the front and most of the girls at the back.
"Sorry pal, but we won''t go easy on you, even if you''re alone and we''re friends." (Hajime)
"Hajime... I told you to never call me pal again." (Me)
Hajime readies his broadsword and holds it in a kendo like fashion.
"BODY ENHANCEMENT!" (Hajime)
"Wow, you''re even calling out your attacks. There''s a limit to how clich you can get." (Me)
"LET''S GO GUYS! HE''S ALONE, WE CAN GET HIM!" (Hajime)
Hajime rushes to me, with his sword over his head, which indicates that he strikes from above. Meanwhile, the girls who stood behind him just now, are already finishing their spells.
"No, you can''t." (Me)
Suddenly, Hajimes sword freezes in mid air.
"What-" (Hajime)
What caused that, is one of my new spells, "Space prison". It can stop everything from moving and, as long as I supply it with mana, it''s very hard to destroy since it consists of fucking space. Take it or leave it.
"Now, Hajime. Let''s see if you can still call me buddy after this." (Me)
I use the same spell on every girl on his harem and soon all 6 of them float in midair, about 30 meters above the ground with their arms bound to their body and legs unmovable.This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
"LET US GO!" (Energetic girl from his harem)
"Oh, you want me to let you guys go? Alright then, nothing I can do about it. Wait a sec, let me undo this really quick." (Me)
"Really?" (Energetic girl from his harem)
"I think you convinced him Ira!" (Hajime)
"NO, SHE FUCKING DIDN''T! ARE YOU GUYS RETARDED?!" (Me)
I position all of them in the air at about the same distance with 3 meters in between them.
"WH- WHAT DO YOU PLAN ON DOING WITH US?!" (Energetic girl from his harem)
"I''m going to teach your beloved one a lesson concerning love." (Me)
I turn to the audience.
"Sorry, dear watchers, but the following content might not be good for my reputation, so you''re all gonna turn blind for a bit." (Me)
The audience falls into turmoil, but as if someone answered that, they all immediately disappeared.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?!" (Hajime)
"I only made them invisible so they can''t see what I''m going to do to you and your group of friends." (Me)
(Authors note: No, that''s not a mistake. Don''t forget that if he turns anyone invisible, then, because light can''t hit their eye since he redirected it, they turn blind for a bit. Author out.)
"Now, since we''re alone here... LET''S GET THIS GAME STARTED!" (Me)
Out of my inventory I pull out a yellow suit with red question marks all over it and put it on swiftly.
"G- Game?" (Hajime)
"That''s right! A game! It''s a really simple game and could even make you win, if you just give it your best!" (Me)
His group looks at me, as if I''m insane.
"What? Don''t you like some additional excitement?" (Me)
"The... the rules?" (Quiet girl from his harem)
"Ah yes, we have a smart one here! The rules are very simple: I will ask you guys questions, and you have to answer them truthfully. If you don''t, then you''ll be punished. That''s it! If you answer all my questons, then I will give up and you win!" (Me)
"This... why?" (Quiet girl from his harem)
"You''re asking why?" (Me)
Unknown to me, my smile contorts into a grim expression.
"Because I want that fucker over there to taste a bit of despair." (Me)
Hajime''s face starts to show a bit of fear.
"ALRIIIIGHT! FIRST QUESTION FOOOOR: THE DENSE SON OF A BITCH!" (Me)
"M- Me?" (Hajime)
"Of course it''s you, dummy! My first question is very simple: What do you think does the big tittied big sister over there-" (Me)
"Hi~" (Big tittied lady beside him who we already saw at his introduction)
"-feel for you?" (Me)
Hajime hesitates before giving his first answer.
"She thinks of me as a good companion and friend!" (Hajime)
"WRONG!" (Me)
I form my hand like a pistol and take aim at the big titti lady.
"Bang!" (Me)
A lightning bolt shoots out of my finger and hits the lady right on.
Her body convulses before going limp. She doesn''t even get to let out a scream.
"This is the punishment I talked about! FUCKING GLAD YOU PROVOKED IT, AREN''T YOU?!" (Me)
"STOP THAT! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!" (Hajime)
I teleport in front of Hajime and stand on top of a pure platform of mana.
I grab his hair and pull it in front of my face.
"Second question, you son of a bitch: Did, or did you not live with a happy family who was wealthy and had nothing to worry about?" (Me)
I point my finger at the energetic girl from his harem.
"I..." (Hajime)
He hesitates again.
"What? Don''t want to answer? I guess this calls for punish-" (Me)
"WAIT!" (Hajime)
My face, which just now faced my target, turns over to Hajime again.
"I... I had some problems too. School stressed me all the time and my parents-" (Hajime)
"WRONG!" (Me)
Another lightning bolt shoots out of my finger and hits the energetic girl. She, just like the one before, convulses and goes limp without making a sound.
"WHAT WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT?!" (Hajime)
"What was wrong about that? YOU''RE ASKING WHAT WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT?! I''ll tell you what problems are." (Me)
Hajime looks at me with clenched teeth.
"Problems are, when your own mother asks you, right in your face, to let her die already. Problems are, when your father died because of a heroin overdose. PROBLEMS ARE, WHEN YOU JUST CAN''T GET OUT OF A FUCKING HOLE WHICH YOU YOURSELF DIDN''T EVEN DIG!" (Me)
He tries to say something, but closes his mouth again.
"You disgust me with your problems. I, myself, don''t consider what I went through as overly bad. There are people who went through shit far worse than me, but you didn''t get any shit whatsoever. And you still don''t call your life easy? *Spit* You''re fucking weak... just like I am." (Me)
I feel a wave of anger, inside me, well up. It''s a feeling I haven''t experienced for a long time, at least not this serious.
Don''t you want him to suffer?
I think about it for a split second.
''Nah, not yet. If I say yes right now, then you''ll probably take over my body or something like that. Miss me with that shit.''
...
''What? You thought it''s that easy to control me through my emotions? HA! I once lost a safe file of Sk*rim, because my brother overwrote it, in which had over 1200 hours invested in! That was anger.''
"Even though I just started this game, I''m already getting tired of it. Last question: What do YOU feel for the girls in your harem?" (Me)
Once again Hajime hesitates.
"Come on!" (Me)
Hajime stays silent.
"*Sigh* All you had to do, was following the damn train answering the damn questions, Hajime. And now the others have to suffer for your cowardness." (Me)
I point my finger towards another one of his harem.
"Don''t." (Hajime)
"Bang!" (Me)
The next one goes limp.
I point my finger to the next one.
"Don''t!" (Hajime)
"Bang!" (Me)
She goes limp as well.
I point my finger to the last one.
"This is your last chance! It''s not that hard of a question, come on!" (Me)
Hajime hesitates, but after a few seconds he opens his mouth. Just before he says his first word:
"TIME''S UP!" (Me)
"I SAID DOOOOOOON''T!" (Hajime)
"BANG!" (Me)
The last lightning bolt for this game shoots towards the last harem member.
And.
She goes limp as well.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (Hajime)
''Why is he even screaming so much? I didn''t even kill them.''
After his scream of despair, his head hangs down and his eyes get covered by his bangs, making them unseeable due to a shadow.
''Oh no.''
What?
''It''s never a good sign if the nice protagonist''s eyes are covered by a shadow.''
"You hurt my friends." (Hajime)
"The Bitch said what?" (Me)
What?
"HA!" (Me)
"Their lifeless bodies are hanging there." (Hajime)
"What are you talking about? I didn''t kill them. I still want to win this tournament. I would be disqualified if I killed them." (Me)
"YOU HURT MY FRRIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEENDDDSSSS!" (Hajiem)
Suddenly, a blinding light beam through the dark clouds engulfs him. I actually have to close my eyes because of the sheer brightness.
When I open my eyes, I see Hajime standing there. His formerly blonde hair is now pure white and his blue eyes turned red. Behind him is a silhouette of an angel in armor.
"Now this is just overreacting. You''re a damn drama queen, Hajime." (Me)
"I WILL AVENGE MY FRIENDS!" (Hajime)
"Sure thing, buddy. Come on, let''s get this over with." (Me)
Hajimes despair
The white aura around Hajime expands. His purple and black armour can''t withstand this sheer amount of power and dissolves bit by bit.
He looks at his hand in an attempt of understanding this power flowing through him.
"I can feel it. This is... this is the power of friendship." (Hajime)
"Oh my God, I think I''m having a stroke." (Me)
HE DIDN''T JUST FUCKING SAY THAT, DID HE?!
Hajime turns his face over to me, his red eyes shining in a vibrant colour.
"Yu, you''ll regret having hurt my friends. I won''t let their sacrifices turn to waste." (Hajime)
"Wait a fucking second. Let me make this clear: You had the chance of winning this whole match, just by answering a few questions truthfully. Meanwhile you could''ve saved your companions from any harm at all. But you hesitated and now it''s my fault, right?" (Me)
"Yes." (Hajime)
"Okay, now you''re just being unreasonable." (Me)
I look at the angel-like silhouette behind him.
"Oi, angel." (Me)
The angel opens her eyes.
"What is it, human?" (Angel)
Her voice resounds in my ears like an echo inside a cave.
"You''re from the heavenly army, right?" (Me)
The angel raises her eyebrow in wonder.
"Yes, I belong to the proud heaven faction. We have chosen this human called "Hajime Hiiro" as our champion for this world, which is why we help him now in his time of despair." (Angel)
"Nice, you already answered a few of my questions with that. I just have two left. First: You''re only assisting him in this fight, right? You won''t just step up and then I''ll have to fight you, will you?" (Me)
"I''ve only been ordered to give him some of my strength, so no. I won''t be fighting you directly."(Angel)
"Okay, last question: Me, fighting your champion seriously, means that I''m now seen as an enemy of the heavenly army, right?" (Me)
"You are an enemy to our champion, so yes, from now on you are also our enemy." (Angel)
I stretch out my thumb and point in downwards in a provoking manner with a smile on my face.
"Prepare to fucking die soon then. Your whole faction included of course." (Me)
The angel frowns a bit.
"I already heard that you are quiet the rude one. I won''t let myself be provoked by a lower lifeform."(Angel)
I look at the shadow-boxing Hajime.
"Oi cunt, you said that you will avenge your friends, right?" (Me)
"I won''t let their sacrifices go to waste." (Hajime)
"Yeah, you already said that, and slowly you sound like a fucking voice recorder. Anyways, I''m going to tell you something right now." (Me)
Hajime looks at me with a serious expression. His red eyes piercing through me like daggers.
My smile contorts into a grotesque one in anticipation of what I''m about to do.
"I will be the Goku to your Frieza." (Me)
He goes into a fighting position with only his fists as weapons.
"Sorry, I never watched Digimon." (Hajime)
OH MY GOD
"That''s not... you don''t even know... you just made me hate you more and I didn''t even know that was possible." (Me)
"PREPARE YOURSELF!" (Hajime)
I see Hajime only take one step and immediately he''s in front of me.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
*Snap*
And I blink behind him.
I take two of my newly made knives and pierce his right and left foot with it.
Name: Gruesome alloyed lightning Throwing knive of the vampire lord
Rank: Epic
Attack: 600
Option: 1. Can only be taken out of the body in exchange for 5% health of the target
2. Can be embedded with lightning
3. If embedded with lightning: +60% damage (damage buff includes other options/ magic circles)
4. Heal yourself if you damage the target (ratio: Per 1% damage to target''s health = heal yourself by 0,5% of your own health)
Magic circles: As long as knife is stuck: afflict a stun (if the target is too strong, then only lesser slow but can be stacked with more knives); Can be bound to the owner; If bound: Can be supplied with mana to make the knive ethereal (Can''t be influenced by someone other than the owner); Damage the target by 0,5% of his max. health per second
Durability: 500/500
Description: One of the only epic garde weapons ever made in this whole world. Even the three celestial factions would covet for this weapon. Made by the magnificient skill of a millennial dungeon master and a master of magic circles.
"Argh!" (Hajime)
Hajime falls to his knees and I kick him down.
"What? Is this all your friendship is worth? That was fucking pathetic. You literally could only make one step before I fucked you over." (Me)
His already big white aura expands and starts to engulf me as well.
You are being purified!
You''re losing 1% health per second!
I blink to a safe place where his aura doesn''t reach me.
"Why is "being purified" doing damage to me?" (Me)
Cos you dirty as fuck
"The more vile a person is, the more damage this holy aura is doing to everyone in it''s environment."(Angel)
"What''s the most damage one can get?" (Me)
"About 2% per second."(Angel)
"Why do you even answer all of my questions?" (Me)
Hajime stands up, slowly but steadily, showing that he''s too strong for the stun effect to affect him.
"This is but a scratch." (Hajime)
He stretches his open palm out in my direction.
''Wait... I know that gesture.''
Suddenly a huge light beam shoots out from it. I dodge it by clapping my hands and activating "Lightning step".
I run around the arena with full speed to build up momentum, but, right when I wanted to dropkick him, he disappears.
"''And he''s above me." (Me)
I create a warphole above me, with the other end in front of me, without looking and see there, Hajime falls through it.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" (Hajime)
"You should really get a bit creative with your given powers. I can show you an example!" (Me)
I create both sides of a warphole around his neck and slowly shrink it so it barely fits around his throat. I kick his body away and now his head and body are seperated.
"WH- WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!" (Hajime)
I watch as his body incoherently searches for his head, running around like a beheaded chicken.
"This is just a little trick of mine." (Me)
I pick his head up and play with it around a bit, throwing it around or spinning it on top of my finger like basketball.
"Now then, I think you should calm down a little, or else you''ll never get a grasp of your situation." (Me)
I put his head down on the ground and sit on it like a little stool.
"You see that up front? That''s your body right there! Isn''t it hilarious how much you''re moving without a sense of direction?" (Me)
His body stops moving.
"Calm down, champion. I gave you the power to overcome this."(Angel)
"No, you fucking didn''t. Stop interfering. This is way too amusing right now." (Me)
Hajime touches his throat with his whole palm and a bright light comes out of it again. And then my little stool disappeared.
"Aww man, you were so comfortable. Won''t you change your profession from "Dense protagonist" to "Professional Seat" ,Hajime?" (Me)
"Stop making fun of me. TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!" (Hajime)
My kind smile vanishes and gets replaced by a stern frown.
"You want me to take this seriously?" (Me)
I let a quarter of my mana seep out into the environment and create artificial pressure with it on Hajime.
"I haven''t been playing with you out of fun, Hajime." (Me)
I increase the pressure with full power gravity magic.
Hajime falls on his knees again.
"I''ve been fucking playing with you because I wanted to show you how much of a threat you are to me." (Me)
His confident expression from before turns into a face full of fear.
"I- I will avenge my-!" (Hajime)
I kick his face on the ground. Of course his white aura engulfs me once again, but I just use more mana to disperse it. At this point I''m already using half of my mana continuously just to keep him down. Pretty impressive if you consider that I''m probably the person with the most mana in this world right now.
"You will avenge your what?" (Me)
I kick down on his head again.
"TELL ME! YOU WILL AVENGE YOUR WHAT?!" (Me)
The white aura, his strongest, usable weapon at this point, gets even stronger but I use more mana to disperse it.
Hajime stays silent.
"What? You won''t say anything AGAIN?! Yeah sure, already worked out for you once, didn''t it? I mean, you didn''t get any shit but your "friends" had to suffer for it. And then you even got a power up! YOUR LIFE JUST LAYS EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU, DOESN''T IT?!" (Me)
"I... I don''t..." (Hajime)
"Finally you feel what fucking despair feels like. How does it feel to be in a shitty position and not being able to do anything about it? And now imagine that feeling for 16 whole fucking years." (Me)
I hear Hajime grinding his teeth. He''s probably trying his best to fight against the artificial mana pressure, but to no avail.
"Can''t imagine it, eh? Probably comes from being a spoiled cunt for your whole life." (Me)
Haijme manages to turn his head a tiny bit. Enough to look at me with anger in his eyes from under my foot.
"How... why are you so strong now?! You weren''t so strong when you fought the other teams!" (Hajime)
"Are you retarded?! I can play around with you like you''re my little bitch, even though you''re being backed up by a fucking celestial being right now. Why would I use even a bit of my real strength to fight those other fuckers?" (Me)
I feel Hajime''s struggling weaken.
"Are you finally giving up you fucktard? But this isn''t nearly fucking enough to satisfy me." (Me)
I open my palm and point it at Hajime''s face.
"You pissed me off enough. Bye bye little Protagonist, and rest in fucking hell." (Me)
I charge all my remaining mana into one single ball of electricity, making it strong enough to char even my hand, even though it''s my own spell.
"Bang!" (Me)
Suddenly, from the outskirts someone appears.
"Euh yeah... you should stop there..." (???)
"Fuck, what now again?" (Me)
The Commentator is a pedophile
"Euh yeah... you should stop there..." (Commentator)
The commentator scratches his unshaved face in a lazy manner while yawning. On his shoulder is the sassy rival, knocked out.
"Fuck, what now again?" (Me)
"I just wanted to tell you, that you''re gonna get disqualified if you fire that and kill him." (Commentator)
I look at the ball of electricity, which is still crackling full of energy, in my hand.
"THAT''S RIGHT! LET ME GO! NOW!" (Hajime)
"Shut the fuck up for a second, I''m trying to have a conversation here." (Me)
I push Hajime''s face down into the dirt again with my foot. His nose seems to have been a hurdle while doing that, but with a slight*crack*that problem was quickly solved.
"Hng!" (Hajime)
"Who doesn''t love the sound of cracking bones in the morning?" (Me)
"It''s afternoon!" (Hajime)
"Didn''t I just tell you to shut up? I swear to Christ, if you interrupt me one more damn time, I''ll scar that handsome little face of yours, okay?" (Me)
What? Why did you emphasize his handsomeness?
I turn my attention back to the unshaved Commentator.
"Wait, why is the girl on your shoulder? Did you really convert to pedophilism already?" (Me)
"Euh... no... that''s not the reason. I actually-
"I mean, I don''t judge! I have a girl in my team who looks like she''s 8 and I still get a raging boner from her. It''s just that-" (Me)
"I''m not planning on fucking her." (Commentator)
Our eyes meet and I see how he still hasn''t changed his expression a little bit.
I scratch the back of my head at the weird situation of me making a joke and the other party not laughing.
"You''re really no fun. So? How did you get through my barrier?" (Me)
"Euh... yeah... I walked through it." (Commentator)
I look around me and see that still no person is visible, nor can they see me due to my magic. But what really kept them from leaving their seats and interrupting the match, was actually a huge warphole I wrapped around the audience, which would teleport them back every time they leave their seats.
"So you''re telling me that you just walked through a fold of space? Just like that?" (Me)
"Euh... yeah." (Commentator)
I look the Commentator in his dead eyes. There is no sign that h-
"WOULD YOU PUT YOUR FOOT OFF ME ALREADY?!" (Hajime)
My eyes turn to Hajime, who''s still being crushed under my enhanced foot.
"You just interrupted my inner monologue. No one interrupts my inner monologue." (Me)
I turn back to the Commentator after Hajime interrupted me once more.
"You said I can''t fire something off that kills him, right?" (Me)
"Yeah." (Commentaor)
I suck the ball of electricity back inside me-
HA! YOU SUCKED A BALL INSIDE YOU
''FUCK YOU!''
-and throw a knife at one of his hands.
"ARGH!" (Hajime)
"So this is okay?" (Me)
"Euh... I''m sure you should''ve asked that bef-" (Commentator)
I throw another knife at the other hand.
"AAARGH!" (Hajime)
"What did you say just now? I can''t hear you because of his screa-" (Me)
"I''M SCREAMING BECAUSE YOU''RE THROWING KNIVES AT MY LIMBS!" (Hajime)
"AND NOW YOU EVEN INTERRUPTED MY PUNCHLINE! THAT''S IT! GIMME THAT LITTLE HANDSOME FACE OF YOURS! I''LL MAKE IT EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL!" (Me)Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
I pull out one of my daggers and start carving into his face. To be exact, over his right eye.
I think you made a mistake at that stroke.
''We don''t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.''
Did you just quote Bob Ross while carving someone a magic circle over the right eye?
''Scratch another one from my list of "Things I want to say"!''
"STOP IT! STOP IT PLEASE! AAAHHHHHH! MY EEEEYYYYYEEEEEEE!" (Hajime)
"Now that I think about it, I treated you actually pretty nicely in our little fight. I mean, I didn''t really hurt you that much... huh. I''m losing my edge." (Me)
"Euh... didn''t you pierce his feet with daggers?" (Commentator)
"So what?" (Me)
''Wait, how does he know that?''
I finish my little artwork with a last swipe which goes right through his eye, from top to bottom.
"Phew." (Me)
I swipe the sweat from my eyebrow and turn my attention back to the Commentator.
"Aren''t you gonna say that I won?" (Me)
"Euh... yeah... you won." (Commentator)
"Yaaaaaaaas." (Me)
I step down from the unconscious Hajime and put my knives back into my inventory.
"Now there is only one thing left." (Me)
The Commentator halts in his tracks, since he was already prepared to go away, and turns around.
"What do you mean?" (Commentator)
"Why should I tell you?" (Me)
"Fair enough... I guess it''s time to search for a rope again...." (Commentator)
"Good luck." (Me)
"Fuck you." (Commentator)
''I''m actually starting to like him and his dead eyes.''
The Commentator leaves the arena in the blink of an eye.
What? Is it my job to ask again what you''re gonna do now?
"..." (Me)
...fine... WHAT IS STILL LEFT FOR YOU TO DO?!
"Glad that you ask!" (Me)
I concentrate a quarter of my mana back into my hand, resulting in a pure ball of destruction being created.
What are you trying to do with that?
"I''m gonna shoot this ball at myself." (Me)
HA! YOU''RE GONNA SHOOT A BALL-
"Okay that''s it. Bird, you take his place." (Me)
As you wish. Why do you want to hurt yourself with this pure ball of mana?
"Glad that you ask again! Let me answer that with a question! What is the main reason I''m participating in this tournament?" (Me)
I recall that you''re participating here, because you want to build up a good reputation between the normal folk in pursuit of the throne.
"Exactly! And what would happen to my reputation if they find out that I just disfigured and borderline tortured one of the nicest guys in this tournament without him even being able to put up a fight?" (Me)
It would get wors-
"IT WOULD GO TO SHIT! YOU''RE RIGHT AGAIN!" (Me)
I look at the ball in my hand.
"And that''s why I want to make it look like an equal battle took place, where I was actually hurt as well... Fuck, I''m not looking forward to this." (Me)
I aim at the ground and-
"Bang!" (Me)
Aline P.o.v
"Sorry, dear watchers, but the following content might not be good for my reputation, so you''re all gonna turn blind for a bit." (Yu)
Yu just stopped Hajime''s sword in mid-air somehow and now he''s looking at the audience behind us.
''What? What does he mean by tha-''
He glances over to me for a second and smiles before waving his hand.
Suddenly, everything turned dark.
"WH- WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" (Me)
"Aline?! Are you there?" (Lydia)
Lydia seems to have fallen into panic as well. Her voice is trembling.
"Yes! How are the others?!" (Me)
"Belka''s alwight!" (Belka)
"It''s a shame, but I''m unhurt." (Estelle)
"What?" (Me)
"I''m good as well." (Janna)
I light a small flame, which serves as a source of light. The other girls see that light and approach me.
"So? What do you think happened?" (Me)
"Didn''t Yu just practically explain it? He made the audience blind, since he doesn''t want them to see what happens in the fight." (Janna)
Belka raises her hand energetically.
"Yu''s pwobably playing with them wight now!" (Belka)
"But probably not like you think." (Lydia)
We continue to speculate about it, until a new visitor approaches us.
"Fufu, you''re having fun there I imagine?" (???)
A girl, completely clothed in black, comes out from the dark.
"Aren''t you the whore who sometimes talks with Yu?" (Janna)
"A very interesting way of adressing me, fufu. But yes, I do sometimes talk with your beloved." (???)
She comes even closer to us.
"I bet you''re curious about what''s happening right now over there, right?" (???)
She puts a fake smile on her face, which says "I''m enjoying this way too much right now."
We look at each other and nod.
"Good, fufu. Well then, what is behind curtain number-" (???)
She stops abruptly midway in her sentence.
"Why... why can''t I use magic? I checked every other participant before coming here. There shouldn''t be anyone but Yu Krifta and me who are able to nullify magic." (???)
Slowly, footsteps can be heard from the darkness.
"Euh... yeah... I hate owing someone a favor. Good thing that an opportunity came so soon.
Another person comes out from the darkness.
"Fufu, you''re the Commentator, right?" (???)
He just looks at her lazily.
"Why are you bothering me in having fun? Right now should be the time when they see what kind of person he is." (???)
''What kind of person he really is? Does she mean Yu?''
The Commentator continues to look at her with his dead eyes, but answers this time.
"Euh... yeah... I owe him one for falling asleep in the last battle.... and I actually like that kid... so I''m helping him out a bit." (Commentator)
His eyes dart over to where Yu''s fight should be taking place right now.
"I think I should stop him soon." (Commentator)
"I said you shouldn''t butt in when I''m having fun!" (???)
The girl in black pulls out a whip from nowhere and whips at the Commentator multiple times. But there is one weird thing about it.
"No... no strike is hitting?" (Me)
The Commentator moves his head and body only a tiny bit each time the girl strikes. He actually manages to dodge whiplashes by lazily moving.
In an instant, the Commentator disappears and reappears beside the girl in black. The girl in black startles for a second but she doesn''t have time to distance herself. The Commentator knocks her out with one strike to the neck.
"It''s actually pretty weird when no one gives sassy comments in such situations." (Lydia)
"*Yawn*Euh... yeah... so I gotta go to the fight now. You girl stay safe... or something like that." (Commentator)
The Commentator goes into the darkness, taking the body of the black clothed girl with him.
"Did... did we just witness a crime?" (Lydia)
"No... I''m not sure." (Me)
Soon after the Commentator left us, the dark veil disappears.
As soon as we are able to see again, I look over to Yu, only to see something shocking.
In the middle of the battlefield is a huge crater with Yu in the middle of it. He limps slowly out of it, his right arm with a broken bone sticking out of it and his face full of blood.
"YU! WHAT HAPPENED?!" (Me)
He looks at me with his old, kind smile.
"Next time I''m gonna put a bit less mana in it. Fuck..." (Yu)
Yu falls into my arms and loses consciousness.
Yay! Hajime broke!
''Fuck, it hurts... AND WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYTHING AROUND ME DARK AGAIN?! ARE YOU RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS AUTHOR?!''
(Authors note: It''s aesthetic.)
''WHAT IS AESTHETIC ABOUT FUCKING DARKNESS?!''
"Soon." (???)
"Oh, so it''s you again?" (Me)
I wait for a reply, but my friendly greeting is returned by silence.
"Alright, listen here you little shit. First: You have to decorate this shitty place a bit. Over there-." (Me)
I point in a random direction.
"-would be the perfect place for a houseplant. Maybe you could lay down a carpet while you''re at it? And I guess I should bring my toothbrush the next time I come here. I''m practically living here already." (Me)
The voice doesn''t respond again.
''Man, this is getting weird.''
I lie down in mid-space and rest my head on my hands.
"How is it going with the girls? Do you have a crush?~" (Me)
Once more, silence.
"*Sigh*Alright, you can take my body..." (Me)
"...Really?" (???)
The voice held a slight hint of expectation in it.
"Fuck no, you stupid shit. I just wanted you to talk." (Me)
The voice stays quiet for a second, but responds this time at least.
"It doesn''t matter if you don''t want me to, it''s going to happen. It''s fate." (???)
A smile creeps up my face.
"Why should I give the slightest fuck about fate? I''m pretty sure that my fate was for me to die, by falling off a building. But here I fucking am." (Me)
"We will see." (???)
"Fight me." (Me)
In the next moment, I feel like I''m sucked out by something and I regain consciousness.
''Oh... this fucking hurts.''
I keep my eyes closed while the pain from my own attack hits me.
Are you awake?
''Nope, I''m sleepthinking.''
Oh no, you really suffer from brain damage. Your attack was really too strong.
''I missed you too. So? What''s the situation?''
You fucked yourself up ---> you lost consciousness inside of Aline''s arms ---> Hajime was taken away by the angel---> you were brought to a room to recover, while Janna was healing you
''Oh? So I even triggered a flag with Aline while half dead? Not bad, me. By the way, whose turn is it now?''
What? What turn?
''To watch me by my bedside of course, silly! This is the scenario where I regain consciousness and the heroine, who was watching me at taht time, falls into my arms because she was worried the whole time.''
Ah yes, of course. Right now, it''s the best Heroine''s turn.
''And who is that? Belka? Aline?''
Look for yourself.
I slowly open my eyes in a dramatic way. I notice how my eyes first stick together like I slept for a long time and then look at the bedside.
''...I''m... not hurt in the slightest.''
Why is a tear rolling down your cheek?
''The wounds are just hurting... that''s all.''
At my bedside is no one other than the lazy commentator, resting his head on my pure white bed.
"No... I can''t eat anymore-"(Commentator)
''Oh my god, he''s even saying that shi-''
"-acid... That won''t help me in dying..." (Commentator)
''Damn, that clich took a slight turn.''
Commentator is best girl
I look at the unshaved Commentator''s face. A little bit of drool is running down his cheek, making him look pretty defensless.
He''s like an angel, don''t you think?
"GET THE FUCK OFF MY BED YOU UGLY PIECE OF SHIT!" (Me)
I try to kick his face, but he catches my enhanced foot with his bare hand.
"Hm? Oh... you''re awake, huh?" (Commentator)
His grip on my foot tightens, which hurts even more than it would normally do since I hurt my legs the most.
I heal my wounds quickly and blink behind him, only to realize that he somehow already managed to get behind me.
"Euh... wounded people should stay in bed... I think..." (Commentator)The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
He kneels down to reach my knees and picks me up in a princess carry.
Wait, what is happening? Why are you being conquered right now?
"Please be gentle. It''s my first time." (Me)
"Euh... what?" (Commentator)
"What?" (Me)
An uncomfortable silence covers us while we look each other in the eyes.
"Put. me. down." (Me)
"Euh... right." (Commentator)
Just as he wanted to put me down, Janna and the others barge into my room.
"What... what is happening right now?" (Lydia)
"Why is he carrying you like that, Yu?" (Aline)
"*Pant*Have you been*Pant* doing immoral stuff*Pant* while we were not here?" (Janna)
''Ah right, I nearly forgot that Janna is one of those.''
I blink out of his arms.
"No, Janna, it''s not what you think-" (Me)
"Euh... yeah... we''re lovers." (Commentator)
"THE FIRST FUCKING TIME YOU INITIATE A CONVERSATION AND YOU FUCK ME OVER! THAT''S GOTTA BE A NEW RECORD!" (Me)
The Commentator smirks for the first time. It''s as infuriating as surprising.
"I- I- I WON''T ALLOW THAT!" (Aline)
"Why wouldn''t you allow that? Is there a reason for it?" (Me)
Aline fixes her body posture and puts on an arrogant expression.
"Of course there is a reason! The great Aline always has a reason!" (Aline)
"And that reason would be?" (Me)
She looks at me and just as she was about to say something, she realises that she can''t say her real reason out loud.
"That''s because... because... BECAUSE! I DON''T NEED A REASON!" (Aline)
"But didn''t you just say that you always had a reason?" (Me)
"I...!" (Aline)
She blushes and looks at the ground, trying to hide her face behind her hair.
''I love teasing Aline after blowing myself up with a mana bomb.''
Since it happens so frequently, right?
I leave the blushing Aline and turn to the Commentator again. He already got the smirk off his face and is back to his usual, dead face.
"Why were you the one who was guarding me?" (Me)
"Euh... I was guarding you... because I had to tell you something... yeah." (Commentator)
"And that is?" (Me)
"Euh... the next match will be postponed until further notice. The reason is... euh... I think it was something about someone missing..." (Commentator)
''So because of Hajime, huh?''
"Alright then, you''re dismissed. There is still something I have to do." (Me)
Without a word, the Commentator leaves the room.
"Now then. I know it should be time for our heartwarming reunion after you guys were worrying for hours and hours-" (Me)
"I wasn''t worried in the slightest, to be honest." (Lydia)
I twist my wrist and open a hole under Lydia, which leads outside of this rooms window. For your information, we''re on the sixth floor.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I''M SORRY! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!" (Lydia)
''Huh, you never know how convincing a drop out of the sixth floor is, until you''ve tried it.''
I twist my wrist once more and Lydia reappears in front of me.
"-but I have something important to check." (Me)
I clap and teleport out of the room.
What are you trying to check?
''I want to check if my little quiz game bore fruit.''
I go down the hallway, counting the amount frills on the red carpet, until I finally hear something around the next corner.
"HOW COULD YOU?! ARE YOU REALLY SO INDECISIVE THAT YOU LET US SUFFER FOR IT?!" (Energetic girl from Hajime''s harem)
"I- No! Of course not!" (Hajime)
''Oh this is gonna be good.''
I peek around the corner and see how Hajime stands in front of his whole group of girls. He''s seemingly in panic, which is visible by his pathetic expression and the amount of sweat running down his face.
"Hajime~ to be honest you fucked up big time. That was the biggest turn off I got since I saw rats fuck a corpse." (Big tittied lady we saw at his introduction)
"Urgh." (Hajime)
''WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO YU KRIFTA''S COMMENTARY SHOW! TODAY, WE COMMENT ON HOW HAJIME HIIRO IS GETTING ROASTED BY HIS VERY OWN HAREM! I''m joined of course by the one and only MR. SCREEEEEEN!''
I wish you all a good day and a happy roasting
''THE BIG TITTIED SISTER SEEMS TO HAVE ALREADY STARTED WITH AN UPPER CUT RIGHT FROM THE START! HAJIME DIDN''T TAKE IT WELL AS IT SEEMS! WHAT DO YOU THINK MR.SCREEN?!''
It really was magnificiently executed. She compared him with disgusting rats and meanwhile she even told him how much she disliked his indecisivness. Truly beautiful.
"Are we nothing worth in your eyes? You just had to say what you think of us, for the sake of of saving us, but you couldn''t even do that." (Energetic girl from Hajime''s harem)
"Y- You are! Of course you are!" (Hajime)
"Then why didn''t you try to save us? What if those shocks didn''t only knock us out, but also would''ve hurt us badly? We''re lucky that Yu didn''t seem to want to hurt us...." (Energetic girl from Hajime''s harem)
''THAT MUST HAVE HURT! THE ENERGETIC GIRL OUTDID HER BIG TITTTIED SISTER, BY DEALING OUT ONE HARD JAB AFTER THE OTHER!''
Comparing the love interest to another guy? And even telling him how gracious the other person was? That must''ve destroyed his manliness. Her talent is very frightening.
''BUT IT DOESN''T SEEM TO STOP HERE! THE QUIET BOOKWORM STILL SEEMS TO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!''
"Stay away from me... please." (Quiet girl)
"But- But I-" (Hajime)
''NO RESPOOOONSE! HE DOESN''T KNOW WHAT TO SAY AT THESE HARSH WORDS FROM THE NICE, QUIET GIRL! IF I HAD TO COMPARE IT, IT WOULD BE A CLEAN RIGHT CROSS!''
Even if you have the best mental defense, if you were told by a quiet and nice girl to stay away from you, then you took critical damage.
''WHILE I HAVE A FLASHBACK OF MY WORST MOMENT IN SCHOOL, LET''S SEE WHAT WILL KNOCK HAJIME OUT!''
"We''ve all decided. We can''t continue our journey with someone who doesn''t value us at all. We''re leaving you." (Energetic girl NOT from Hajime''s harem)
"Sorry love. I think there may be someone else who''s worth to catch." (Big tittied lady we saw at his introduction... who''s also NOT from his harem)
The girls turn around and leave Hajime there, kneeling, with tears all over his face.
''THAT''S IT! K.O! HE''S DOOOOOOOWN''
No one can do anything against such a brutal way of fighting. Girls really are ruthless.
''Oh shit, they''re coming my way.''
The girls go around the corner and meet me. They first look surprised, but after that moment of surprise faded, they quickly go away.
"Not even a "thanks", huh? Well, the hero always does his job out of good will..." (Me)
"WHO''S THERE?!" (Hajime)
"No need to be so rude." (Me)
I step into Hajime''s hallway. His once pathetic face contorts to one full of anger and hate.
"YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU I LOST EVERYTHING!" (Hajime)
"Haha... yeah. You kinda did, didn''t you?" (Me)
"I WILL END YOU! YOU TOOK MY FRIENDS FROM ME! YOU TOOK MY PRIDE-" (Hajime)
''OH NO! NOT HIS PURAIDO!''
"- AND YOU EVEN TOOK MY RIGHT EYE!" (Hajime)
Hajime pulls his bangs away, which were just now covering his right eye and reveals my masterpiece. All over his right eye is a perfect magic circle carved in. His eye itself became a disgusting milky white and is probably completely blind right now.
"Oh yeah, right... that. I implemented a fun gimmick! Did you already discover it?" (Me)
"WHY DOESN''T IT HEAL?! THE ANGELS DID EVERYTHING THEY CAN, AND THEY STILL COULDN''T HEAL IT!" (Hajime)
"It''s nice, isn''t it? It should also hurt way more than usual when I do this." (Me)
I flick my fingers, but with my ring finger.
"AAHHHHHHH!" (Hajime)
I just watch him writhe in pain while holding his right eye.
"I HATE YOU!" (Hajime)
"Come on, don''t be like that! AREN''T WEFRIENDSHAJIME?!" (Me)
"I''LL KILL YOU! I''LL TORTURE YOU UNTIL YOU BREAK AND THEN GURGLE ON YOUR BLOOD! I''LL KILL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN I''LL GIVE YOU A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH!" (Hajime)
"Holy shit. I''m actually starting to like you now. Wanna be friends?" (Me)
"REMEMBER MY WORDS! ENGRAVE THEM INTO YOUR MIND! I''LL BE BACK" (Hajime)
"Did you just quote "Terminator" while threatening me?" (Me)
"REMEMBER THE- AAAHHHHHH!" (Hajime)
I snap my with my ring finger and another jolt of pain runs through Hajime.
Additionally to the pain, I pressure Hajime with mana which he already is too familiar with.
"Hajime. Here''s a little life lesson." (Me)
I grab him by his hair and pull his face up.
"Never threaten someone while being weak." (Me)
Suddenly a light beam envelopes Hajime, once again, and he slowly vanishes.
"Oh man, just as it was getting fun to tease him a bit. Damn angels... Well, I guess that''s it for Hajime. He probably won''t reappear until I fight heaven itself." (Me)
Yeah, sure. Just talk about fighting one of the most powerful organisations like you''re going for a dump.
"Screeny... you shouldn''t forget that my dagger is the dagger that will pierce the heavens!" (Me)
And you''re gonna quote Gurren Lagann while declaring war. Nice.
"I love that you get all my referrences..." (Me)
Of course I do!...Nia is best waifu
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?! YOKO IS BEST WAIFU YOU DUMB NUT!" (Me)
FUCK YOU!
"NO FUCK YOU!" (Me)
The remaining days went by in a flash. I teased Aline a few times, tried to tame Janna a bit and Estelle... was Estelle.
And soon, I found myself back in front of the gate, my last fight in front of me.
''I''m starting to get nervous...''
"Soon." (???)
''Shut the fuck up for a second, would ya?''
Prelude to the last fight
Is it... is it time?
''Do you think they''re ready for it?''
I don''t know... can you really be prepared for it? It''s always very hard to deal with...
''But this would be the perfect time to do it. Tension has been built up in the last chapter and now we have to cool the audience off a bit.''
Then it really is time...
''It''s time for a SIDESTORY!!!''
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN
On a certain planet, far far away-
"Fufu, it really is a nice day, isn''t it?" (???)
"You just... but the sidestory..." (Me)
(Author''s note: Ain''t gonna happen today, bud.)
"Nevermind that then..." (Me)
Once again, and for the last time, me and my group are rowed up in front of our opponent with the sassy bitch standing directly opposite of me. Her black parasol is sucking up the sunlight like a black hole, throwing a shadow on myself. On her side no one''s face can really be made out, since all of them are wearing coats which cover their whole body.
"Yeah, really nice day. Just one question: Why those coats again?" (Me)
The sassy rival puts on a naive smile.
"I don''t know what you mean? Why shouldn''t they be wearing coats, fufu?" (???)
"It''s like, at least, a scorching45C out here in the sun." (Me)
"Help." (Guy directly to her right)
"See?" (Me)
She just glances over to the pitiful guy for a second, and immediately looks back to me.
"That''s just a little trick which prevents you to look at their statuses. He''ll be cooled down soon anyways." (???)
"Great, so you really know a way of looking at other peoples statuses." (Me)
A smile appears on her face. Just as she was about to say something, Lydia intervenes.
"Status? That''s the ability you have as well, right? What does that have to do with him being hot and soon being cooled down?" (Lydia)
"She knows your Ice affinity because of her version of "status" and you''re going to be his opponent then apparently. Hence, he''ll be cooled down. Lydia, you really need to learn how to take a clue. A grade schooler could''ve put that together." (Me)
Lydia looks at the ground, pouting at her being once again teased.
I pat her on the head to cheer her up a bit.
"Anyways, you wanted to say something?" (Me)
"Fufu, yes that is so. I just wanted to make sure that you haven''t forgotten our deal?" (???)
My group of girls looks at me collectively with a perplexed look.
"Come on, not in front of the kids! That will spoil the surprise!" (Me)
Her smile continues but she doesn''t respond.
"Don''t ignore my joke!" (Me)
Just as I wanted to rant about how unpolite it is to not respond it is if someone talks to you, the Commentator''s voice resounds from his booth above.
"Euh... so this round is the final one. The last 2 teams are... humans? I think?" (Commentator)
"You literally just have to look down a second to see it." (Me)
"Euh... yeah I think they''re humans. So... they''re gonna fight." (Commentator)
"Incredible commentator skills, as always" (Me)
I strech out my hand in an attempt to shake the rival''s hand. It may be unusual of me, but I''m at least polite.If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
HA! POLITE?! IN THE LAST ROUND YOU BROKE SOMEONE''S NOSE BECAUSE HE INTERRUPTED YOU!
''That''s becausehewas impolite. It''s really not that difficult Screeny.''
Wtf no? That doesn''t make sense anyways!
''YOU DON''T MAKE SENSE!''
"Fufu, so you want to really shake hands with me?" (???)
She, as well, stretches her hand out, but just as she nearly reached mine-
"What do the young children say? I think it was "psyche"?" (???)
-she pulls it away and is swallowed up by darkness.
"Now that was just lame." (Me)
''But exactly what I wanted.''
Don''t act like you have a plan.
''I''m a genius and always have a plan.''
Oh, sorry then. Seems like I watched over the wrong person the last 14 years. Silly me.
''You can''t even do your only job right. You''re pretty much useless...''
Out of my inventory, I pull out a special kind of paper. A little scribbling later, I place it on the ground where the ball of sass stood before.
I follow the routine of going back to our side of the arena and then the countdown of the commentator begins.
"Euh... start..." (Commentator)
Or it doesn''t...
"PREPARE YOURSELVES!" (Guy who stood beside the ball of sass just now)
With one quick movement, the coats from the enemy team fly off and-
"WHAT THE FUCK?! PFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" (Me)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-their whole bodies get revealed.
"OH FUCK! MY STOMACH! IT HURTS! DID I STUMBLE INTO THE WRONG DOOR AND ENTER A GOTH RAVE OR WHAT?!" (Me)
Yu, check this out
''What?''
BOOP
"HAHAHAHAHAHA, FUCK I''M DYING!" (Me)
As you probably canalready guess, their outfit consist of... well... look at the gif above. There isn''t really much to say.
"Wh- why is he laughing?" (Guy who stood beside the ball of sass just now)
"WHY I''M LAUGHING?! Listen here. The girl over there, she has class with all the frills and shit. You on the other hand look like clowns going through their emotional times." (Me)
"Clowns?! These clothes are cool!" (Guy who stood beside the ball of sass just now)
"Wait, don''t tell me that these clothes really are trendy right now? Lydia?" (Me)
"This is actually considered as stylish." (Lydia)
"This world is fucking lost, damn." (Me)
These words apparently signaled the start for the other team. They all suddenly rush over to me, some with incredible speed, and some are rather slow, but their target is certainly me.
"And this is where you fucked u-" (Me)
I could''ve said that, but you know that it doesn''t work that way. Of course a certain bitch interfered.
"Shackles of darkness." (???)
"Wow, so even you call out your attacks? I expected better from you." (Me)
From her stretched out hand fly 4, black rings towards me. They each bind themselves to my limbs and tie me to the floor.
"THIS IS FOR MAKING FUN OF US!" (Guy who stood beside the ball of sass just now)
"If y''all wanted to tie me up and have your way with me, you could''ve just asked. I would''ve agreed instantly." (Me)
"I WON''T ALLOW IT!" (Aline)
The 5 guys, who were just about to hammer me down, get blown away by one blow with Aline''s warhammer.
"Didn''t say that she would tho." (Me)
Name: Strengthening, giant Hammer of the tigress
Rank: Legendary
Attack: 2800
Option: 1. Boosts strength by 200%
2. If injected with mana, size can be enlarged
3. If a holder of a feline life essence is holding this hammer, then following effect will occur: Weapon can be used as a medium to channel the essence (Effect of channeling may vary dependent on essence); Effectiveness is boosted by 80%
Magic circles: After every hit, a small explosion will occur in exchange of some mana;
Durability: 5600/5600
Description: If you don''t like a person, then bash them in the head with it. They won''t like it, guaranteed by the man who made this weapon.
"Hurts like shit." (Yu Krifta)
''Don''t ask me how I did that description, dear reader. Just let the magic sink in.''
"Why are you interfering?!"(Guy who stood beside the ball of sass just now)
"What the fuck kinda question is that?!" (Me)
"But the little girls really shouldn''t be interfering, fufu." (???)
The sassy rival pulls out a black whip out of thin air. She pulls her arm back and whips at Aline.
*Crack!*
The sound of shackles breaking resounds through the air.
I teleport in front of Aline and catch the whip mid air with my bare hands.
"Now now, the grown up shouldn''t fight against little girls, right?" (Me)
A sense of bloodlust starts gushing out from the sassy bitch, but she surpresses it right away.
"Do you really want to start this?" (???)
I sense an ominous mana from the whip and let it go before my hands get infected by it.
The rival smiles.
''I definetly caught some kind of disease just now.''
"No? Not really?" (Me)
"WOULD YOU STOP TALKING AND FIGHT ALREADY?!" (Lydia)
"I guess she has a point. BUT HOW ABOUT WE MAKE THIS A BIT MORE INTERESTING?!" (Me)
"I should''ve known that he wouldn''t let it end like this..." (Lydia)
First, I move everyone, except of the rival, with a warphole, in a pair of two. Then I grab my forearm and for the first time one of my new spells activates.
"SPATIAL DOMAIN!" (Me)
''I shouted the name of my ability! Am I now one of the cool kids?''
U still a lil bitch
''And you don''t really exist. Which is worse?''
The lil bitch
''Fuck you.''
"For my masterplan to work, I of course, have to explain what my ability does, right?" (Me)
"No, you don''t!" (Lydia)
"Spatial Domain is a spell from the space attribute-" (Me)
"What a surprise!" (Lydia)
"I''ll throw you through the air again." (Me)
*Silence*
"That''s what I thought. Anyways, Spatial Domain is a spell from the space attribute. It allows me to make areas, where I can control space fully and time to a certain extent! Awesome, right?" (Me)
*Silence*
"Y''all don''t have any class. The gist of it is, that you won''t be able to escape from my artificial arena of space and you''ll be having duels there. Any questions?" (Me)
"Why are you suddenly making new rules?" (Lydia)
"Cause I want to. Any others?" (Me)
*Silence*
"No? Nice. Well then, IT''S TIME FOR A D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!" (Me)
''SCRATCH ANOTHER ONE FROM THE LIST SCREENY!''
Was I supposed to keep track of that?
''YOU ARE THE MOST USELESS BUNCH OF PIXELS I''VE EVER SEEN!''
What do you call people, who hang from cliffs?
I teleport into the air and look at my work of art while standing on top of a mana platform.
"Would you look at that? Isn''t this beautful?" (Me)
The sassy bitch follows me, but, rather than standing on mana like I do, she forms wings of darkness.
"Fufu, this really was a magnificient idea. Now no one is able to disturb our little party." (???)
"Right?" (Me)
''LOOK AT THOSE MAJESTIC WINGS! HOLY FUCK!''
I sense the first movements inside of one of the arenas. It''s from Belka''s.
"Come here little girl." (Burly guy with fat armour)
"You won''t hurt Belka, wight?" (Belka)
''Oh yeah, I forgot something.''
"Of course not!" (Burly guy with fat armour)
I see how Belka approaches the tanky guy with open arms. Just as she was about to reach him-
"Belka fetch." (Me)
"BUT I WILL HURT YOU!" (Belka)
-I spoke the magic words.
"I guess that guy is done for." (Me)
"Fufu, do you really think that?" (???)
"Yep." (Me)
The other fights have already started as well. The sound of battles ring through the air and I just watch over the battlefield... is what you think I would say. But nah, of course a certain someone wouldn''t let me.
"Well then, we don''t want to let the others have all the fun, do we?" (???)
"I''m actually pretty comfortable right n- why are you pulling your whips out?" (Me)
*WHIP!*
I dodge the whip lazily.
"Of course because we are going to battle ourselves, fufu." (???)
"Why can''t we be friends~... nah I''m just fucking with ya. Come at me, bitch." (Me)
But little did I know, that this fight would not end well for me.
''What?''
Janna P.o.V
"You''re telling me that Yu seperated us because he wanted to be alone with that whore?" (Me)
''She wants to steal him from me, I know it. After all Yu is the sexiest, most handsome, nicest and most lovable guy in the whole world. I can understand that she wants him, BUT HE''S MINE!''
I turn my head to my enemy.
"You, over there." (Me)
"What is it? Do you want to waste time by talking too?" (The unneeded obstacle)
"No, I will not waste time. I''m gonna make this quick." (Me)
As always, I hear a voice resounding through my brain.
May the power of love bless you!
Power surges through me as I think about Yu.
"NOTHING WILL SPERATE ME FROM HIM AGAIN!" (Me)
Yu P.o.V
''Hm? What''s happening inside of Janna''s are- OH MY GOD I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THAT!''
Should you really be worrying about that right now?
''Why shouldn''t I? She''s my lovely sister!''
Well, it''s just that I''m pretty sure that the bitch is making a cage of darkness spears around you, but don''t mind me.
"Cage of..." (Me)
I look around me and see that there are about a hundred black spears surrounding me from all sides.
"I feel like I''m the star in a hardcore porno. Black lances everywhere." (Me)
Estelle P.o.V
"COME ON! HIT ME HARDER! IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO?!" (Me)
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" (Guy who isn''t even half as strong as Yu)This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
Aline P.o.V
''This time, I''ll show Yu how much I''ve improved!''
"You peasant over there! You better be grateful to fight someone as great as me!" (Me)
''Uuuhhh, why can''t I just ask normally for a good fight?! I hate this habit!''
"Euhm... yeah. Thank you for that..." (Meek guy with bob cut)
''Huh?''
"Ye- yes! That''s the right attitude!" (Me)
I ready my hammer and search through my inner mind.
''Ready, Mr. Fluffles?''
Would you please stop calling me that?
''But it''s cute!''
*Sigh* I''m starting the synchronization...
I feel how my body becomes hotter by the second. Hotter and hotter, until flames come out of my body.
"I''ll be merciful enough and let you see this glorious form of mine! Behold my form of the fire tigress!" (Me)
Yu P.o.V
''She''s a fire catgirl now. Don''t let her fool you.''
Aline P.o.V
Synchronization complete.
''Thanks Mr. Fluffles.''
I''m a legendary soul essence, whose power is unrivaled, and I''m being called Mr.Fluffles...
"I- I guess I need to start fighting as well?" (Meek boy with a bob cut)
"Don''t bother, you won''t win anyways!" (Me)
And he turns invisible.
''Euh... Mr. Fluffles? How do I beat someone invisible?''
*Sigh*... I''ll help you, little princess.
Lydia P.o.V
''This is insane. Why don''t we just fight together?! Now I have to fight this crazy guy, who seems to be the right hand of the other girl!''
"Excuse me, but I hate this scorching sun, so can we please hurry up with the fighting?" (Right hand of the other girl)
"Huh? Oh, yeah sure." (Me)
I cross my arms in front of my chest and activate my strongest spell immediately.
"Prototype: Ice Princess!" (Me)
The air around me drops in temperature and I start to float about 15cm above the ground. My otherwise normal leather armour-
Yu P.o.V
''IT''S NOT FUCKING NORMAL?!''
Did you just read her mind?
Name: Vanilla Ice''s freezing leather armour of the Ice Princess
Rank: Legendary
Defense: 1200
Option: 1. All Ice Magic cast by the user will be thrice as strong and costs only half as much MP
2. User can set shortcuts for 3 spells
3. (Only in Ice Princess form): User can create artificial mana pressure without the needed amount of MP
Magic circles: If enemy is nearby, teleport user to a random location within 15 meters (trigger Ice Nova at previous location); Spawn a Shield of Ice if a ranged attack is directed at user;
Durability: 1500/1500
Description: Ice, Ice baby.
Lydia P.o.V
- transforms with my own transformation to a white gown with blue wings coming out from my back.
The mana pressure from my armour kicks in and the right hand of the girl kneels down, sweating.
"Th- this isn''t what I meant by hurrying up. I meant it like, you let me win quickly and I can relax in my room." (Right hand of the other girl)
''What would Yu say in this situation? Ah, got it.''
I first create swords of Ice around me and then freeze the ground of the arena completely, which results in the the right hand being frozen to the ground as well.
"You''re going down, bitch." (Me)
"DROPKICK!" (Yu)
"HUH?! YU?!" (Me)
"The hero is here to save the day!" (Yu)
Yu P.o.V
She creates a hand out of darkness and tries to catch me.
I snap my fingers and teleport behind her.
One knife flies out of my hand, and the second follows.
She swats them easily away with her magic hand.
We stand opposite of each other, looking each other deep in the eyes.
"Are you sure you don''t want to be a heroine? There are a lot of bonuses, like your own title, free days on saturdays and sundays and even paid leave?" (Me)
"How amusing, I just wanted to offer you the same thing." (???)
"You little bitch. Alright, let''s get serious now. I''m getting sick of this warming up." (Me)
"Fufufu." (???)
I point my finger at her and barrage her with "raygun" shots.
A veil of darkness protects her from the shots, by throwing itself in front of her. But that''s exactly what I want.
I take advantage of this split second of her being blind and activate a new spell of mine by touching my thumbs.
''Screeny? You wanna see the worst rip-off ever?''
Give it to me fagget
"Shadow clone technique!" (Me)
Beside me, an uncountable number of mirages of myself appear. Each of them can''t harm anyone, since they''re only plays of light, but for confusion it''s still enough.
Come on, run at her like n*ruto would!
''Fuck no.''
The veil of darkness disappears and she gets visible again, confusion written on her face.
"LEEROOOYYYY JEEENKIIIIIINNSS!" (All of me)
All my mirages charge at her at once, going through her with every attempt of a hit.
"Is this supposed to intimidate me? Fufu." (???)
I appear behind her.
"No, but this should." (Me)
She frantically looks behind her, readying a teleport with her liquid darkness.
A dark puddle starts to form in the distance and I throw another piece of paper towards it, before grabbing her by the throat.
"Fufu, if you wanted to choke me, then you should''ve asked. I would''ve let you." (???)
"Don''t even try to steal my lines. It takes a whole shitload of time to come up with them." (Me)
My grip tightens and her voice gets coarser.
"I just want to let you know, I never really regarded myself as very strong." (???)
"Yeah, me neither." (Me)
My grip tightens even more and I notice how her face is turning blue.
"I consider myself more of a schemer than anything else. Look behind you." (???)
"Come on, that''s the oldest trick in the book. I won''t fall for th-" (Me)
Suddenly, I sense a huge amount of mana manifesting behind me.
''Of course there''s something behind me.''
But it''s target is not me.
"Now, what are you going to do? Have this kinky play with me further, or are you going to save your comrade?" (???)
It''s target is Lydia.
"Of course I''ll save her!" (Me)
"Fufu, I knew i-" (???)
"But you''re gonna help me with that." (Me)
"I beg your pardon?" (???)
I activate lightning step and pull the girl with me.
Sensing the ball of darkness flying towards Lydia at an incredible speed, I make a decision.
I dropkick her out of the way and replace myself with Lydia.
"DROPKICK!" (Me)
"HUH?! YU?!" (Lydia)
"The hero is here to save the day!" (Me)
The ball of darkness is already directly in front of me, not giving me a chance to form any spell to dodge it.
I can taste the eeriness coming out of it.
The blackness in front of my eyes is indescribable.
"YU!" (Lydia)
"I ask you nicely to let go of me." (???)
"Nope." (Me)
It hits me, slowly swallowing up every bit of my being.
"LET GO OF ME!" (???)
I, of course, don''t let her go.
''Shit, this might be it.''
My gaze wanders over to the other heroines.
Belka, shredding up the guy in the fat armour.
Janna, already taking her last swing to finish off her enemy.
Estelle... well... being hit.
Aline, just now realizing what''s happening to me and trying to reach out to me.
And finally Lydia, staring at me with an angry expression and tears in her eyes.
''Fuck, I don''t have any way of dodging this. I don''t have the time to make a gesture, nor a back-up plan. I don''t have a clue on what to do now-''
I feel my stomach burning up and spreading mana through my whole body.
''-is what you think I would say, right?''
Its fate
Lydia P.o.V
"Why..." (Me)
I look at Yu slowly being swallowed up by the ball of darkness.
He glances over to me for a second.
"WHY!!!" (Me)
A kind smile, like I''ve never seen before from him, appears on his face.
"PLEASE DON''T DIE!" (Me)
"YU!!!!" (Aline)
Yu P.o.V
''They aren''t really thinking that I''m really gonna die, are they? I really gotta do something about my image...''
Second magic circle has been activated!
"Ethereal body": Charges left 2/3
Ethereal body: In case of a life threatening attack, this magic circle will acivate. Your body will transcend this plane, resulting in you surviving.
State of transcended plane: You''re invisible and invincible, but also can''t touch anything nor affect the previous plane in any other way.
The second magic circle, which I''ve been keeping as a secret weapon, activates and spreads mana through my whole body.
''This ball is really pretty damn dark. Wow, I didn''t see this much darkness around me since my uncle threw me in his basement.''
You had a really nice family.
''Right?''
Suddenly, the rival, who was constrained by me up until now, starts talking.
"Fufu, was he really foolish enough to believe that my own attack would damage me? Now I won and he got completely disintegrated by my attack. What a fool. " (???)
''You fucking twat, I can hear you.''
The ball of darkness disappears ever so slowly, and, seemingly, only the rival comes out of it.
"YU?!" (Aline)
''Yeah, I''m here.''
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YU?!" (Lydia)
''I''m standing right beside you and looking under your skirt.''
You realize that they think you''re dead, right?
''But panties.''
Good point. I''m taking the pictures.
''That''s what I thought.''
"Y- Yu?" (Janna)
''Okay, now Janna is involved. I''d do well to reappear.''
I jump in the air in the rival''s direction and cancel the ethereal state, only to land on top of her shoulders.
"What in the-" (???)
"I don''t see him either. Maybe he could be over there?" (Me)
Everyone''s stare goes from where I pointed-
''They really believed me when I said that I might be over there? Damn...''
-back to me.
"What? Did you guys really think that I would be done for?" (Me)
"Yu!" (Lydia)
"Yeah, you kinda already said that." (Me)
"Would you be so kind to get off me?" (???)
"Nope." (Me)
My legs wrap themselves around the rival''s neck and I do a sick backflip with her whole body following me, resulting in me riding her in the end.
"Now then, would you lend me your beautiful face for a bit?" (Me)
"Thank you for the compliment, but I''ll take my leave at this point. I don''t really enjoy being ridden." (???)
Once again-
''And for the last time.''
-she gets swallowed up by darkness.
''Not like I didn''t expect that.''
*BOOOOOOOOM*
An explosion resounds through the arena, within laying the sassy rival.
"YOU ACTIVATED MY TRAPCARD!" (Me)
She jumps up with wounds all over her body.
"Care to explain?" (???)
"Come on, you can''t possibly expect from me not to notice the weakness of your elements teleportation." (Me)If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
"Y-Yu? I don''t... don''t really understand." (Aline)
"IT''S TIME FOR YU''S SPECIAL MAGIC CLASS THEN! Today''s topic: Magic teleportation!" (Me)
"I''m being really polite to let you do this right now." (???)
"Every element in magic has some kind of teleportation spell, but those spells also have a weakness!" (Me)
"Weakness?" (Lydia)
"That''s right, my dear one-word-friend! A weakness! I don''t really want to disclose my own weakness, but her''s is very simple. She only has checkpoints!" (Me)
"Fufu, so you figured it out?" (???)
"She sets checkpoints throughout the arena and can teleport to them! That''s why I threw a piece of paper every time she teleported. Every checkpoint is now basically an explosion trap." (Me)
"Ambushing a lady. How cruel... *sob*:" (???)
"Now then, I think this charade has been going on for long enough. I thought you''d be more of a challenge, but time to end this..." (Me)
DEATH FLAG ALARM!!!!!
''That was... FUCK!''
In an attempt to prevent any dangers, I restrict every single one of her allies within a space prison, her included.
"Okay, since I just fucked up royally, I''ve gotta finish this really quick right now. So... fuck I don''t even have the time to think of an awesome line... bye bye." (Me)
She smiles.
I point my finger at her and-
"Bang!" (Me)
-I miss.
''Fuck.''
"Fufu, is something the matter?" (???)
She continues to smile at me annoyngly while my head starts spinning.
Shit, how did she conceal that even from me? I''m part of the Akashic Record for fucks sake!
You''ve been cursed!
Illusions may occur!
Your magic has been sealed!
This curse can not be cured by normal means!
All your stats have been reduced by 90%!
You have been affected by the "weakness" status!
You''re losing 1% health per second!
''Excuse me? What the fuck.''
"..." (Me)
"Is something the matter?" (???)
"Are you alright, Yu? Why don''t you finish her off?" (Lydia)
"Sorry Lydia, give me a second." (Me)
My palms get sweaty. My knees get weaker by the second. There''s vomit on my-
You''re not gonna quote Emin*m while nearly dying, are you?
''No?''
My vision blurrs. My chest hurts and pounds simultaneously. I can feel something alien inside of my body.
At that moment I remember something.
"It was the fucking whip, wasn''t it?" (Me)
"Fufu, it is as you say. The moment you caught that whip you already lost." (???)
"Whip?" (Aline)
"Yeah... the one I *pant* caught so you wouldn''t get *pant* hit." (Me)
''Fuck, I feel like shit...''
"Yu?" (Janna)
Her voice gets fainter.
"YU!" (Janna)
Even fainter.
I can''t hear anything anymore. I can''t see anything anymore. All my senses are shut down.
Once again, darkness greets me.
"What? Again a black realm?" (Me)
I look around and find what I was hoping for my whole life.
"A FUCKING COUCH!" (Me)
"Jason?" (???)
''Hm? Who is it this time? This voice sounds familiar...''
I turn my non-existent body around and see a person I did not want to see and wished not to see my whole life again.
"...Mom?" (Me)
Her short, blonde hair, relatively outstanding face and small stature immediately gave her away.
My mind falls into chaos.
''Why is she here?''
''Is she the real one?''
''If yes, what is she doing inside of this dark realm?''
Thousands upon thousands of questions fly through my mind at the speed of sound, but I can''t even answer one of them.
"Jason." (Mom)
"Why are-" (Me)
"Did you think you could just leave on your own?" (Mom)
"..." (Me)
Her voice reminds me of my past life. How my whole life just went by me on autopilot. How I just let everything happen to me and my surroundings, because of my very own weakness. This weakness... I''m being reminded of it again.
"Come on Mom, don''t be like that. We had fun times, didn''t w-" (Me)
"Did you think that you were the only one who wanted to leave that life?" (Mom)
"You could''ve done the sa-" (Me)
"DID YOU?!" (Mom)
"..." (Me)
I already knew the answer.
"Yeah, I know that you wanted to die too. I remember how you told me that several times a day and blamed me for your shitty life. But hey, first comes, first served." (Me)
I do the best I can in such situations. I try to smile, even when I don''t have a body.
"It was your fault that my life was hell. I regret ever giving birth to you." (Mom)
"Yeah, I already heard that numerous times. Is that really the only thing you want to say at such a heartwarming reunion? Come on, Mom. Give me a hug." (Me)
"Yes, this is really the only thing I want to say." (Mom)
''She emphasized the "I", didn''t she...''
"*Sigh* Someone''s behind me, right?" (Me)
I turn around with the precognition of my Mom not being the only one with whom I''ll be having a reunion today.
And I was right.
''This is... surprising...?''
"Hey Jason." (Sophia)
In front of me is the old version of Janna. The one before she reincarnated with me.
"Hello there." (Me)
''Damn, no one is here right now to understand my references... I need Screeny...''
"So? What do you have to say?" (Me)
She looks away for a second, before meeting my eyes again.
"I''m just here to correct something." (Sophia)
"What? You wanna apologize for dumping me and reconcile with me like your present ego did?" (Me)
"No. I actually want to correct that exact ego." (Sophia)
"..." (Me)
"I''ve been watching her charade for a while now, and it really is pathetic how she has to put up with you only because of guilt." (Sophia)
"I accept guilt sex. I heard it''s... fuck it. Fuck you. I can''t bother making these jokes anymore." (Me)
''Wait, what did I just say?''
"Why else would she hang around you? Your personality is shit. You''re not particularly funny and only get the rest from your stats. You''ve got nothing going for you." (Sophia)
"I have..." (Me)
I hesitate and run everything else through my mind, only to find nothing.
"That''s right. You have nothing else. Leaving your bonuses out, you''re worthless." (Sophia)
"Haha... I already realized that long ago... I just kinda... forgot...?" (Me)
''Why did I forget it? Just because all this nice shit happened to me recently, I''m worth more? Did I really think that?''
"Why don''t you just... let go?" (Sophia)
"Why? Yeah... why?" (Me)
From behind me, my mother starts talking again.
"Just let go. There''s no one you''re bound to." (Mom)
Sophia takes her turn again.
"And no one is bound to you." (Sophia)
"That''s right... why am I still here?" (Me)
...Is what you think I would say, right?
...Is what I would like to say right now, but what for?
"Just let go. Give your life over to me." (???)
Both their voices change to one I already know all too well.
"You little asshat... that''s what you planned all along, huh?" (Me)
"It''s no use either way. I will make your life something worth." (???)
"*Sigh* You planned all this really well, I have to give you that..." (Me)
I rethink everything that has happened so far and realize that my train of thought has been affected by many factors, but that still doesn''t mean that the conclusion I came to didn''t make sense.
"If you-" (???)
"Take it." (Me)
My words of surrendering get returned by silence.
"I accept you as the new host of my body. Take it over." (Me)
Lydia P.o.V
''What is happening? Why is Yu kneeling there? Yu can''t lose, right? Yu wouldn''t lose, right?''
"Yu?! Are you alright?!" (Me)
"Fufu, of course he''s not alright! He was cursed by my strongest spell! It''s a miracle that his body survived this long without being affected by it." (???)
I only look at the girl in black for a second. The spell Yu casted on her and her allies is already released and they can move around freely, but my worries lie elsewhere.
"Come on, stand up Yu! There is no way you would just take those accusations like that, right? Where is your usual sassy comeback?!" (Me)
Suddenly, Yu moves again. First, he raises his right foot, and then the other.
A wave of relieve washes over me like I''ve never felt it before.
"Yu! I knew it, you''re alright!" (Me)
But this feeling of relieve gets crushed in the next second.
"I told him. It''s fate." (Yu...?)
God, I missed them too
Lydia P.o.V
''What''s going on? That wasn''t Yu''s voice just now!''
A slight chuckle escapes Yu''s(?) mouth, and gets gradually louder.
"HAHAHAHAHA! YES! THIS IS GREAT! THIS BODY REALLY IS PERFECT!" (???)
"This... body?" (Janna)
Janna speaks out the words which were stuck in my throat.
"How- how can you move? You were cursed by my strongest spell!" (???)
Even the girl in black, who stayed composed the whole fight, is seemingly panicking now.
"I really can''t understand all this self-loathing the original host had. If I had this kind of body, with this kind of potential, then I would rule even over the gods!" (???)
''Original host? Self-loathing? Is he talking about Yu?''
"I just asked you a question!" (???)
Yu(?) turns his head and stretches his hand out in the black clothed girl''s direction.
"Shut up for a second, insect." (???)
She starts to levitate while holding her throat, as if she was choking.
"HAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS HILARIOUS! ALL THIS POWER, AND IT WASN''T EVEN USED RIGHT!" (???)
Black clouds slowly form in the sky unnaturally, with thunder roaring in the distance.
"Y- Yu? Is that really you?" (Me)
"Hm?" (???)
He turns his head once more, this time to me.
''Why did I direct his attention towards me?! Am I retarded?''
I notice how red lines creep up from under his his leather armour and slowly cover his whole face. The fact that his eyes turn red, from his usual green, doesn''t help at all.
"Ah, if I recall... aren''t you... the one called Lydia?" (???)
"Why are you so uncertain about it? I knew it. You really aren''t-" (Me)
"Of course I am Yu! I have his hair! I have his face! I HAVE HIS BODY! HAHAHAHAHA! *cough* Weird. I''m usually not this eccentric? Am I not stable yet?" (???)
Suddenly, Janna jumps at him from behind and tries to roundhouse kick him, but he catches her foot with his free hand.
"You''re not Yu. Get out of his body. NOW!" (Janna)
"Oh? How cute. A mere apostle of the goddess of love wants to fight against me?" (???)
"Why do you know-?" (Janna)
He lets go of her foot rather gently, but in return Belka attacks him from his side.
"And now even the one who''s blessed by the goddess of the moons? You''re trying really hard, aren''t you?" (???)
"What are you doing to our master?! LET GO OF HER!" (Guy who stood beside the girl in black)
The guy who I was supposed to fight a minute ago and his allies join Belka and Janna in attacking Yu, but he doesn''t even frown.
"Slowly you''re getting annoying." (???)
He throws Belka in the air, weirdly gently again, and puts his now free hand on the ground.
"Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor." (???)
In the next moment, every single one of her allies get pushed several meters into the ground, unconscious.
"LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOR!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! No wait, this isn''t what I wanted to say? What''s going on?" (???)
"Yu?" (Aline)
Aline approaches him with slight steps.
"Aline! What are you doing?! Get away from him!" (Me)
She continues walking forward.
"I won''t allow you to joke around right now. Stop this at once!" (Aline)
His gaze switches over to Aline.
"Ah yes, this hosts childhood friend. So you still got faith in him?" (???)Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.
Aline stands now right in front of him. Her knees are shaking as if she was in the middle of an earthquake, but she tries to cover it up with her usual stern expression.
"Well then, let me crush this last faith." (???)
Yu(?) raises his hand.
Aline flinches.
But... nothing happens.
"*Sigh* Like I thought, I can''t do it." (???)
Just as he was about to hit Aline, his hand stops midair.
"Yu? I knew it! It was just a joke, right?" (Aline)
"No, no, no, no. Don''t get me wrong. Your Yu really is nearly non-existent in this body, but there still is something from him. And this little something doesn''t let me hurt any of you girls." (???)
"It... doesn''t? But why?" (Me)
"He prevents it with all of his power." (???)
"H- he?" (Me)
"By the gods, now I understand why the former host was so frustrated with all these questions. They really are annoying." (???)
He turns his head back to Aline.
"The first girl who actually gave him a reason to continue living in a new world, who then healed some of his scars with her pure love. *Fake sob*" (???)
His gaze switches to Belka, who just now landed from being thrown in the air.
''That throw looked very gentle, but how did she stay so long in the air?!''
"His way of compensating for being completely useless in his past life and never doing anything for the general public, by finally being a father-figure to a girl. Meanwhile dealing with his own father complex" (???)
Again, he switches over to another person. This time it''s Estelle.
"The only person who he doesn''t have a deep connection to. This may sound useless, but this makes her the only person he can really relax with. If he''s with the others, he''s always on edge, since the others always have a reason for him to be there." (???)
"He just called me useless, didn''t he? hehe" (Estelle)
This time, it''s my turn.
''What... is it with me? What does he think of me?''
"Lydia... practically his punching bag HAHAHAHAHAHA*cough*Excuse me, I don''t really understand these outbreaks myself." (???)
"THAT''S IT! I''M DONE WITH HI-" (Me)
"You''re the only person until now, where he can be himself. His asshole self. This is a big factor in his recovery, since he needs a place to return to when he''s done with playing the charade in his daily life. This may or may not include a bit of sadistic play." (???)
"I... I guess I can accept that." (Me)
''Please don''t tell me that I''m blushing right now.''
"And finally, the last one. My personal favorite. My dear, dear Janna." (???)
"Stop talking. I DON''T WANT A FAKER LIKE YOU TO CONTINUE TALKING WITH HIS FACE!" (Janna)
"Nothing you can about it though." (???)
I notice how his hand, with which he seems to control the girl in black, gets tighter and the girl squirms even more around than before.
"His little sister and love of his past-life. His greatest source of strength and finally his biggest weakness-" (???)
"STOP TALKING!" (Janna)
"The reason for his death and simultaneously the reason he enjoys this life so much. First the shining ray of hope, and now the girl who helped me push him off the cliff. IT''S ALL COMING TOGETHER HAHAHAHA!" (???)
He looks at all of us with a charming, yet creepy smile.
"It may sound sketchy, but you all have a reason to be in his life and he won''t let even me destroy these. You''re more precious to him than his own life." (???)
"I JUST TOLD YOU TO STOP IT!" (Janna)
Janna tries a last time to somehow stop him from talking, by barraging him with attacks, but to no avail.
He dodges all of them easily and meanwhile continues to hold the girl in black captive.
We all join her, but none of the attacks hit.
Just when we were about to give up, he speaks even more cruel words.
"Stop it, it''s futile. There is nothing that can stop me right now. My power is just increasing by the second." (???)
He extends his hand towards the audience. A wave of mana flies towards the shocked public and hits them head on.
At that second, they start to grow older. They get older way too fast, and soon... they wither. Every single one of the audience.
"This is my power now. But it''s not even nearly limited to this." (???)
Once again, a wave of mana flies towards the mummified audience and they regain their youth. They grow younger gradually and then get back to their normal age.
"I can take life, and I can give life. I can be considered a god of this world." (???)
"Euh... I know too well what a god is, and... yeah... you aren''t one." (Commentator)
"Commentator?!" (Me)
He approaches Yu(?) lazily, like he always does.
"Euh... yeah..." (Commentator)
"I don''t think you understand. I''m literally LKJARGFJABVF-" (???)
"..." (Me)
"..." (Commentator)
"*Cough*What I wanted to say, is that I''m literally LKASFELBLSFE OH FOR GOD''S SAKE! YOU REALLY WON''T LET ME SAY IT?!" (???)
Yu(?) seems to be talking with the air, while we are just watching.
"What do you mean "God won''t let me do that"?" (???)
"Listen, I''m just here to announce that you guys are the winners, since the other girl seems to have lost consciousness." (Commentator)
"Huh? Do I really look like I really care about that now?" (???)
"I, too, think that that isn''t really important right now..." (Me)
"Euh... may be possible, but I''m just doing my job... yeah." (Commentator)
"And you did a great job with that, ally of master." (???)
"Urgh!" (???)
Out of nowhere, a sudden voice answers the lazy excuse of a job the Commentator did. At the same time the voice came, Yu''s(?) body starts to wringe in pain, and a yellow ball of light flies out of it.
The ball of light lands in front of me and engulfs the whole arena.
As it dimnishes, in the ball of light''s place is the griffon I saw in our room in her usual attire.
"Curses! What is it now? Why won''t you just let me take over this world in peace?!" (???)
The griffon ignores Yu(?) and looks at our group.
"Thank you, master''s wives, for giving me time to get this far. You have done a magnificient job." (Griffon)
"Huh?" (All of us)
The Griffon turns around to the fake Yu. Her blonde, beautful hair flutters in the stormy environment.
"And for you, fake master, I have 2 messages." (Griffon)
"You better speak fast before I kill you." (???)
"The first comes from master. I quote: -" (Griffon)
She does a dramatic pause before speaking.
"Y''all better never doubt my survivability anymore." (Griffon)
Beside me, Aline breaks out in a happy shriek.
"YU! I KNEW IT!" (Aline)
"So what? I have his soul completely under control." (???)
"And what is his second message?" (Me)
"I quote again: "The next thing you''re gonna say is:So what? I have his soul completely under control.". (Griffon)
"WHA-" (???)
"God, how I missed his sassy comebacks." (Me)
How to suck yourself
Lydia P.o.V
"THI- THIS DOESN''T MEAN ANYTHING! EVEN IF HE PREDICTED THAT, THAT DOESN''T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I''M CONTROLLING HIM!" (???)
"It''s really mysterious how master can predict even the speech pattern of an entity, with which he only conversed a few times. He even predicted that you would react like this and gave me orders to do just one thing now." (Griffon)
*Snap!*
The Griffon flicks her fingers and I sense a disturbance of the environmental mana. To be exact, it''s being sucked in Yu''s(?) chest.
"What''s happening?!" (Me)
"Master is coming back of course!" (Griffon)
Out of Yu''s(?) clothes a shining light begins to get visible.
"WE HAD A DEAL! YOU TOLD ME THAT I CAN HAVE THIS BODY! WHY ARE YOU REVOLTING AGAINST ME NOW?!" (???)
The light seems to rip Yu''s clothes apart, until he''s left without a shirt and a bright hole around his heart area.
"STOP IT! STOP IT NOW! I STILL HAVE THE WHOLE UNIVERSE TO GET UNDER MY CONTROL! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" (???)
The hole in Yu''s chest gets even bigger and out of it comes...
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" (Me)
"HERE''S JOHNNY!" (YU!)
Yu P.o.V
"HERE''S JOHNNY!" (Me)
I push my hands first through the hole, with my arms following.
''Fuck, I think I''m stuck- ah, no, got it.''
The rest of my body follows and I leave the controlled body.
"Y- YU?! WHAT- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" (Lydia)
"Short form or complicated and long form?" (Me)
"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" (???)
"Short form, please." (Lydia)
"I engraved a third magic circle into my body before this fight started, since I already predicted that he would succeed in taking my body over. The magic circle was then activated by the chicken over there and now we''re here." (Me)
"That explained about 10% of the questions I had." (Lydia)
"Great, my job is done then. Now, what''s the situation?" (Me)
I look around me and ogle what happened to each and every one.
"*Whistle* Would ya look at that. I leave for 5 minutes, literally, and what happens? The sassy bitche''s harem is trying to lose it''s virginity with the ground and the chick in black has marks around her throat like she just went through the best choking experience of her life. And what''s going on with Janna?" (Me)
"*Pant* There are 2 Yu''s...*Pant*. Maybe they can... *Pant* together..." (Janna)
"Shouldn''t have asked, gotcha." (Me)
I turn to my doppelganger with a smug smile on my face.
"It''s really weird to look myself in the eyes. I''m more handsome than I thought, though." (Me)
''Wait, I kinda know this scene...''
?
''Exactly. I''m glad you''re back Screeny.''
Stop it, you''re making me blush (????)
''Fuck off, you''re not cute.''
Fuck youStolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA IS THAT ALL?! YOU''RE OUT NOW! SO WHAT?! I''M STILL WAY STRONGER THAN YOU ARE!" (???)
"He- he''s right, Yu! I don''t know why, but he''s way stronger than me, you and all of us!" (Lydia)
"Did the thing with me, coming out of my own fucking chest, not prove enough yet? *Sigh* Oi, you." (Me)
My doppelganger raises his eyebrow at me, suddenly adressing him.
"What?" (???)
"Time to go to sleep." (Me)
"Huh?" (???)
Suddenly, the second body gets sucked in my direction.
"WHA- WHAT IS THIS?!" (???)
"Well, I actually had some residue mana inside of you, since you were originally my own body and now I''m taking that mana back. you included. But man, I''m disappointed in you. Aren''t you my allmighty version? You could''ve noticed that, since there should''ve been some changes to your behaviour because of the mana..." (Me)
His expression grows gradually more frightened, since he realizes what those changes in his behaviour were.
"NO! NO! I DON''T WANT TO BE PUT BACK IN THE DARK! PLEASE, DON''T PUT ME IN THE DARK!" (???)
"Don''t worry. I left you a little gift. IT''S A FUCKING HOUSEPLANT! AIN''T THAT GREAT?!" (Me)
This time it''s my turn to get a hole inside of my chest. It grows larger, so his whole body fits in and just as he gets sucked in completely:
"MARK MY WORDS! I WAS THERE WHEN YOU WERE BORN! IN BOTH LIVES! AND I WILL CONTINUE TO BE INSIDE YOU! FOR I AM YOUR OTHER PART! FOR I AM YOUR GOD- ARGFJBLARGK" (???)
"Can''t leave without leaving a flag, huh?" (Me)
His whole body disappears inside of me and the hole closes.
Did he at least put a condom on before "disappearing inside of you"?
''Why is there no "Uninstall" button?''
Pff, you wished for a status and you got one.
''I didn''t wish for a sarcastic cunt.''
"Y- Yu? Is that really you?" (Aline)
I hear Aline''s voice ringing through my ears. It feels like I didn''t hear her for quite a while, even though it has been half an hour at most.
Just as I look her in the eyes, I see her wiping a tear away from her face.
''Aaww, she was worried about me.''
"Yeah, I''m back." (Me)
yEaH, i''M BaCk
''FUCK YOU!''
After returning Belka to her normal form-
"Yu? Did Belka do good?" (Belka)
"Yeah, you were the best." (Me)
"Belka does nyat really knyaw what happened, but Belka is glyad if she did somethyang good!" (Belka)
''FUCK! THERE''S NO WAY SOMEONE CAN BE THIS CUTE!''
-I finally go over to the last part of my whole master plan.
To begin with that, I heal the sassy bitch back to consciousness.
"H- Huh? What happened?" (???)
"Oi, you didn''t forget our whole plan from the whole choking play, did you?" (Me)
The chick in black looks at me perplexed to what''s going on for a second, but soon gets a hold of her situation.
"Fufu, of course I didn''t. I just have to admit that I''m not really aware of which step we are in." (???)
"It''s the part where our masterful acting comes to show." (Me)
I end our dialogue abruptly by breaking eye contact and turning to the audience.
The whole public seems to be in a great panic with every single person running around like a fucking chicken without a head.
"*Cough*Dear audience, please calm dow-" (Me)
"WE''RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (Audience member #5542)
"THE REAPER IS GONNA GET US!" (Audience member #3421)
"I want a piece of that sweet, sweet ass." (Deep voice from the audience)
"*Deep inhale*I''m so gonna get that voice some day." (Me)
I enhance my vocal cords to the max.
"PLEASE AUDIENCE! CALM DOWN!" (Me)
They look at me with terror in their eyes, but not a single one is talking.
"Why are they looking at me like that?" (Me)
Lydia taps my shoulder from behind me.
"It might have been that your other version killed them and ressurected them..." (Lydia)
"And you''re telling me that NOW?!" (Me)
"Yeah, kinda." (Lydia)
I think about their state of mind for a second and suddenly get a stroke of genius.
"Sassy bitch, you should just play along now, okay?" (Me)
"As you wish, fufu." (???)
I look back at the audience, who is still not moving and speak words of wisdom.
"Dear audience! I apologize sincerely for what I seem to have done a few moments ago, but please be aware of the fact that it wasn''t because I wanted to, but rather I have been controlled!" (Me)
"Yeah, right! You just want to-" (Audience member #2454 who''s now unconscious due to a secret shock I sent to him)
"Please remeber! I would never do anything cruel and have only been doing the right thing until now!-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU DIDN''T DO SHIT!
''I know lol.''
"-I did my best when the children of the Ice giants were kidnapped, but it seems like someone didn''t like that, so they''re now targeting me!" (Me)
"I- If you didn''t do it out of purpose, but were controlled, then who controlled you?!" (Audience member #9761)
I point towards the sassy bitch.
"IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN HER!" (Me)
"I beg your pardon?" (???)
"H- Her?" (Audience member #432)
"HER!" (Audience member #645)
"Just give me a piece of that juicy BOOTY!" (Deep voice from the audience)
"BUT SHE IS ALSO NAUGHT BUT A PUPPET IN THIS GAME!" (Me)
"P- Puppet?" (Audience member #4566)
I turn my head and look at the bitch with expectation in my eyes.
"Fufu, so that''s how it is..." (???)
The sassy bitch buries her face in her hands and starts to cry.
"YES! IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! THE REAL CULPRIT HAS TAKEN MY 8 YEAR OLD BROTHER HOSTAGE! THERE IS NOTHING I COULD''VE DONE!" (???)
"Her brother?" (Audience member #3587)
"The real culprit?" (Audience member #6587)
''Damn, that''s some impressive acting.''
"*Sob*Me and my little brother only have each other, sicne my mother died of a disease a few years ago, and now the mastermind wants to take even him away from me... PLEASE DON''T TAKE MY LITTLE BROTHER!" (???)
''Now, that''s just cheesy.''
But of course the whole audience went with it and starts to cry as well.
"*Sob*HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HER?!" (Audience member #2534)
"*Sob* THAT''S JUST TOO CRUEL!" (Audience member #5683)
"I don''t care. I just want that ass." (Deep voice from the audience)
"BUT DON''T BE AFRAID, DEAR AUDIENCE! FOR I WILL VANQUISH THE EVIL THAT RESIDES AMONG US!" (Me)
I twist my wrist and open a warphole mid-space.
"THE EVIL, WHICH MUST BE SUBJUGATED, IS NONE OTHER THAN THIS PERSON!" (Me)
And out of the warphole falls a fat, naked man.
"Buhi?" (Fat prince)
MAKE THAT PIG SUFFER!
Who won the sass?
"Buhi?" (Fat prince)
The fat, royal bastard just sits there, half naked with disgusting, smelly sweat dripping all over the place.
"He''s got a fat ass too, but I like that boy''s better." (Deep voice from the audience)
"HE''S GOT WHAT?! Wait a second, I gotta clear something up." (Me)
''Author, we can''t just start a chapter like that. The start of a chapter has to be a bit more smooth. You can''t just fucking do it like that.''
(Author''s note: You''re gonna fuck your own twin sister as the story progresses. Don''t you fucking tell me what''s appropriate to write and what''s not.)
''Point taken.''
"I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON! IMMEDIATELY!" (Fat prince)
I kick him in the back, making him fall down like the fat piece of lard he is.
"Shut up, your life will be decided here." (Me)
"BUHI?!" (Fat prince)
I take the sassy bitche''s hand and pull her up, so she stands beside me. We both face the audience hand in hand, giving us the image of being allies.
"Tch!" (Janna)
''Just ignore it now and reward her later.''
"This man! This man, who has been so cruel to us all! This man, who kidnapped the children of the Ice giants! This man, who took her little brother hostage! This man, who inevitably made you all suffer death! This man now stands in front of you! And I ask you! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH HIM?!" (Me)
The fat prince looks around hysterically, seemingly searching for someone or something. But the audience doesn''t give him the time to find it.
"IT WAS HIS FAULT?!" (Audience member #4658)
"RIP HIM APART!" ((Audience member #4565)
"TWIST HIS NIPPLES AND LET HIM STEP ON LEGOS!" (Audience member #545)
''Okay, you''re going a bit far there, buddy.''
"I wonder what that ass tastes like." (Deep voice from the audience)
''Someday, I will make him suffer.''
Just as the audience wants to massacre him, the fat prince turns to me and looks at me with pleading eyes.
"What did I do to deserve this? I haven''t done anything wrong!" (Fat prince)
I look at him. I. just. look. at. him.
"You''re not fucking serious right now, are you?" (Me)
He looks back at me.
"Of course you are.LET ME FUCKING QUOTE!" (Me)
*Clears Throat*
"Bring me his companions. I want to see their faces after I break them!*Slurp*" (Me)
"That wasn''t-" (Fat prince)
"Buhihihi! I look forward to how those little girls taste!*Slurp*"(Me)
"I mean-" (Fat prince)
"And we''re still leaving out the assassins you sent to kill me before this match!" (Me)
"But how did you-" (Fat prince)This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.
"The prime minister''s magic circle also worked later as a bugging device. Did I forget to mention that?" (Me)
"BUT WE HEALED-" (Fat prince)
"Doesn''t work that easily. Even if you heal the scars, there will still be a remaining trace of mana which then functions as a magic circle." (Me)
"HOW ABOUT YOU LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE, YOU INSOLENT PEON!" (Fat prince)
"How about fuck you? CONTINUE THIS PARTY!" (Me)
The crowd continues running, but then the royal bastard suddenly shouts something peculiar.
"HELP ME, BROTHER!" (Fat prince)
''Why can''t they just shut up for once and die peacefully? And who the fuck is his brother this time?''
My inner question is answered just as I wonder about it.
"Euh... yeah... I''d rather not." (Commentator)
The Commentator, who didn''t leave yet since announcing my win, is seemingly the brother he speaks of.
"Whaaaaaat? You''re not a normal Commentator, but someone way more important? That''s such a surpriiiiiise." (Me)
"This is the first time I heard you speak in such a dead voice. It''s quite appealing, fufu ." (???)
"Did you just say that a dead voice is appeal-" (Me)
"WHY WON''T YOU HELP ME?!" (Fat prince)
"Euh... you''re... a daft cunt... to be honest... yeah." (Commentator)
''I''m kinda starting to like this guy.''
The fat prince falls into complete despair at the face of death.
Snot and tears start to run down his face, making him even more unsightly.
"DO- DON''T YOU DARE HURT ME! M- MY FATHER WON''T ALLOW THIS!" (Fat prince)
"I won''t lay a single finger on you! I wouldn''t even go as far as breathing the same air as the glorious prince!" (Me)
I notice how the mob is slowly losing patience.
"But those guys. They''re gonna have some fun." (Me)
"BUHIIIIIIII!" (Fat prince)
"LET''S GET THIS SHIT ROLLING!" (Me)
Teleporting out of the mob''s way, I let them do whatever they want to him.
"NO! PLEASE!" (Fat prince)
I hear clothes being ripped and flesh being torn. Screams echo through the arena, which signal my win over a part of the royal family.
I, as nice as I am, hold my cute, little Belka''s ear shut, so she won''t be corrupted by something like that.
And under constant screams, the final announcement is made.
"Euh... tournament is over... the team of the human capital won." (Commentator)
The crowd cheers... while still ripping apart the fat prince.
''What a fun day.''
Just as I wanted to return to my own group, the sassy bitch starts talking with me.
"I hope you didn''t forget your part of the deal?" (???)
"Tch, you didn''t even do as much as I wanted you to do." (Me)
"Did you forget that you nearly choked me to death?" (???)
"Ah, right... that happened. Fine, for helping me in fucking the prince over, I owe you a favor." (Me)
"Fufu, well then, I guess this is a goodbye." (???)
"Wait a second." (Me)
"Hm?" (???)
Her raven-black hair flutters, as she turns around to face me again.
"What''s your name?" (Me)
For a second, she looks at me stunned with her red eyes.
"Right, I recall that I never have told you that, have I?" (???)
"I wouldn''t ask otherwise." (Me)
"My name is-" (???)
And then she gets swallowed up by darkness.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE THAT CHICK! SHE IS THE FIRST ONE WHO WON AGAINST YOU WITH SASS!
''I wouldn''t be so sure about that.''
The next day.
The awards ceremony is held inside of the arena with a huge podium. The only ones who are to be awarded, are the first to third place.
Thunderous cheer rings through the arena. No one seems to care that yesterday one of the royals was brutally slaughtered here, but that is only to my advantage.
And finally, it is my turn.
"SINCE THE ANNOUNCER SEEMS TO BE ABSENT, I''LL BE TAKING HIS JOB!" (Me)
The crowd gets louder as I start speaking.
''Seems like my plan of building up reputation worked.''
"WE''RE GATHERED HERE, TO CELEBRATE THE END OF THE TOURNAMENT AND THE WINNERS!" (Me)
"Didn''t he say that he''s shy in front of crowds?" (Lydia)
"I quote Master: "Shut up, Lydia"." (Chicken)
''I''m so proud of you, chicken.''
Always at your service, Master.
While Lydia goes on a rampage, I continue my announcement.
"THE GLORIOUS FIRST PLACE WAS TAKEN BY NONE OTHER THAN THE TEAM OF YU KRIFTA, JANNA KRIFTA, BELKA KOT, LYDIA KWAS, ESTELLE KYLTJA AND ALINE EISENHAUS!" (Me)
Applaus suddenly emerges.
''That''s right. Y''all better be fucking clapping.''
"THE SECOND PLACE WAS TAKEN BY NONE OTHER THAN-" (Me)
I look to my right, and-
"Who do we have here? Such a coincidence to see you here again!" (Me)
"..." (???)
-there stands the sassy bitch.
"Such a shame that I can''t announce your name right now. Won''t you tell the audience yourself?" (Me)
She hesitates, which is pretty unusual for her, since sass doesn''t take time normally. But then:
"...Celeste...von Primberg..." (HA! IT''S FUCKING CELESTE AND NOT THOSE FUCKING QUESTION MARKS!)
"IT WAS TAKEN BY CELESTE VON PRIMBERG! DID Y''ALL HEAR?! IT''S CELESTE VON PRIMBERG! DO Y''ALL NEED PAPERS AND PENCILS TO WRITE IT DOWN?!" (Me)
''WHO WON NOW, HUH SCREENY?!''
Fuck off
The cheering this time is a bit less, but the cries of pity are way louder, probably still because of the story with her and her brother.
"And the third place goes to a team who no one cares about." (Me)
No cheering. Dead silence.
That''s just sad.
"THE PRIZES WILL NOW BE DISTRIBUTED! THE WINNERS CAN CHOOSE FROM A BUNCH OF PRIZES, WHICH ARE THE FOLLOWING!" (Me)
In front of our podium is a table, which is covered by a plain cover.
But this cover is now thrown away with one movement.
And then, a smile covers my face.
''Screeny?''
What u want
''Aren''t you also wondering what lies beyond those 99% affinity?''
I''m part of an omniscient being. I know what lies beyond that, you dickhead.
''...Why didn''t you tell me then?''
I''m a sarcastic cunt, that''s why.
Smooth as fuck
On the table is a solid lightning bolt. It flickers with electrical discharges, giving it an energetic feeling.
''FINALLY I CAN GET PAST THOSE 99%!''
''What the fuck? It''s a, god damn, solid piece of Lightning. How the fuck can it not be of the "Lightning" attribute?''
I take a second to think about what I just said.
''I just fucked myself over. Appraisal.''
Spark of Life
Rumored to be the first thing that brought life on this world, it is a legendary artifact which represents the "Life" attribute.
Effect: Makes ascension of the "Life" attribute possible.
"..." (Me)
Sooo... what lies beyond those 99%?
''Next time I meet that shitty God, I''ll ask him to replace you.''
Answer to last chapter''s title: I won the sass
''Fuck off.''
I look at the other prizes, but they''re mostly completely useless for me. Some are pieces of armor, which aren''t even a third as good as mine, or money, which I can make easily myself by selling trash armour like the ones I mentioned before.
''Great, I''ll have to take the "Life" attribute to 99% first then...''
I jump down from the podium and grab the stone, only to let it vanish inside of my inventory.
The other two teams follow and grab the unwanted garbage.
With the usual routine of huge applause, the award ceremony ends.
The team on the third place leaves quickly. Only Celeste''s team seems to still have unfinished business, since they aren''t leaving.
So I approach them, cause why not?
"Sup?" (Me)
Celeste looks in my direction and immediately gives her own team the signal to leave.
"May I ask what you want?" (Celeste)
"What? Are you still angry because of the show I did earlier?" (Me)
"Fufu, of course not..." (Celeste)
I stare at her intensely.
"Maybe a bit, fufu." (Celeste)
I lean against the wall beside her.
"You know, the offer still stands?" (Me)
"I wonder what you mean." (Celeste)
"You fucking know what I mean. Don''t even act like you don''t." (Me)
Her smile widens at my brash response.
"I can only guess that it''s the one concerning me joining your harem?" (Celeste)
"You''re god damn right." (Me)
Celeste puts her finger on her chin to look like she''s really taking it into consideration, but even I know that she already has the answer.
"I''m afraid to say, that I have to decline." (Celeste)
"*Sigh*Well, nothing I can do about it." (Me)
I shrug at the rejection.
Celeste looks at me with a surprised look on her face.
"How unusual. I thought that you would be more persistent, but seems like I was wrong." (Celeste)
"You mustn''t forget that I''m a gentleman. Iwon''t force you to anything." (Me)Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
"Why did you emphasize the "I"?" (Celeste)
"No reason." (Me)
"I highly doubt that, fufu. If I learnt anything from these last few days about you, then it''s the fact that you never do something without reason." (Celeste)
"How flattering. I think I''m blushing." (Me)
"No, you are not." (Celeste)
"Yeah, I fucking know." (Me)
An uncomfortable silence covers us.
"So this is a real farewell this time, huh?" (Me)
"Are you already missing me? Fufu." (Celeste)
"Like stepping on something wet with socks on." (Me)
"Goodbye." (Celeste)
Without even letting me answer, she vanishes. Leaving even her own group behind, just to show off a little, last bit of sass.
Did you really mean it like that?
''What do you mean?''
Are you really giving up on her, because she doesn''t want to join your harem?
''Fuck no, of course not. I just meant that "I" won''t be the one to pull her into the harem, but the world itself will!
Because every girl that''s part of the plot-
''-will eventually become a member of the harem. Finally you got it.''
Eventually, even I leave the award ceremony and, to my surprise, end up inside of my room... alone for some reason.
''That''s unusual. Why the fuck am I alone?''
Even your future wives gave up on you, lol.
''''GOD! SEND ME TO YOUR REALM! I NEED A FUCKING REPLACEMENT!" (Me)
In another realm.
"Nope." (God)
Back to our realm.
He said "Nope".
"SON OF A BITCH!" (Me)
Suddenly, I hear the clicking of the doorknob and the door opens with a long creak.
It''s Aline.
The candlelight, which is the only light source in this room, lights up her face mellowly.
"What? Did you already degenerate to the point of talking to yourself?" (Aline)
Her usual haughty attitute actually catches me by surprise, since I haven''t seen it in a long time, but I recover immediately.
"Just felt lonely because you weren''t with me." (Me)
OH MY GOD! THAT WAS SO BAD! OH MY FUCK SFLJABLFLDLA
''FUCK, I KNOW HAHAHAHAHA!''
(Authors Note: FUCK, MY CHEWING GUM FELL OUT OF MY MOUTH FROM LAUGHING! FUCK, WAS THAT BAD! I FUCKING APOLOGIZE FOR THAT! Just imagine that that was a smooth response just now, please.)
Her face blushes at my smooth-
THAT WASN''T SMOOTH! THAT WAS CHEESY AS FUCK!
-at my SMOOTH response and a slight smile appears on her face.
"That was so bad. Did you really think that that would work on me, you idiot?" (Aline)
''Damn, even she thinks it was bad?''
"You have to make do with it." (Me)
She stays at the door, fidgeting nervously for some reason.
I, as smooth as I am-
You gained a new title: "You''re not smooth!"
''Fuck you, I know that that''s not a real title.''
I tried (??)
-, stand up and go in her direction until I''m only an inch away from her.
"What''s up? You look uneasy?" (Me)
Her fidgeting intensifies at my sudden closeness.
"Actually, I... I have something to talk to you about." (Aline)
She enters the room completely and distances herself meanwhile from me.
''Oh man, this doesn''t look good.''
"When... when you were... that other person, he said something about you... and us..." (Aline)
Her facial expression looks uncomfortable, as if it would pain her to talk about it.
''He didn''t talk about my three sizes, did he?''
No ._.
"What did he say?" (Me)
"He... he said something about you... having a reason for having us." (Aline)
"..." (Me)
Facing the sudden seriousness, my brain immediately switches over to it''s usual habit.
To smile.
"Come on Aline. My only reason for having you guys, is to be acquainted with you! There is no other motive behind it." (Me)
Nah fam, he already told her the reasons.
''You really need to start saying these things sooner.''
"Why are you lying to me? Am I really this untrustworthy?" (Aline)
I fall into disarray. I notice how I don''t have a plan on how to deal with such a situation, since it''s the first time that one of my girls is actually this unyielding.
"Do you think I haven''t noticed what that smile means to you? I know you for over 11 years now. Of course I have noticed what you hide with it." (Aline)
The previous slight smile now changed to a frown on the verge of tears.
"He also said something about you, coming to this world from a past life without a will to live. Is that true?! What happened in your past life?! Did you really not have the will to live at the beginning?! Why won''t you tell me?!" (Aline)
The tears are now rolling down her cheeks.
Just as I think about telling her everything, my own mind barrages me with warnings.
''What if she finds me ridiculous?''
I do, don''t worry.
''What if she thinks I''m pathetic?''
I do, don''t worry.
''If I tell her everything, won''t I be too vulnerable?''
To me, you are. Don''t worry.
''Would you fuck off for a second? This is a dramatic scene.''
K
But one question is the most present.
''What if she leaves me, like Sophia did?''
"Aline. You want to know what my life is all about? Alright. Sit down." (Me)
The ever-so-present smile on my face is still there, to which Aline seems to be suspicious, but I tell her the whole truth.
From my parents in my past life, to how and why I ended it.
How I cope with it and how I also start to gradually hate this smile of mine.
I tell her everything, even though every fiber of my body fights against it.
She listens quietly until I finish my little lifestory.
"And that''s how I ended up here. Pretty boring life, if you ask me." (Me)
"S- So that''s how it is." (Aline)
Aline tries to hide her sadness with a smile.
Prettty ironic, if you ask me.
"I- I think I need to go to the toilet." (Aline)
"Have fun." (Me)
She just nods, leaves the room and closes the door.
"And 3...2...1..." (Me)
"*Sob*WHY DIDN''T HE TELL ME EARLIER HOW THINGS WERE?! *Sob*"(Aline)
''I think she doesn''t know that the doors here aren''t as thick as she thinks they are.''
I look outside the window and notice how the first few sunrays already appear above the horizon.
''Fuck, it''s gonna be weird to face her anytime soon.''
Yeah, it''s gonna be weird as fuck.
With a last fear of how I will deal with Aline, the tournament finally ends.
But unknown to me, there is something way more dangerous than the last few days approaching me.
''What the fuck can be more dangerous than a fucking unknown entity taking over my body?! The only thing more dangerous could be a meeting with the parents of someone of my harem...''
...
''I really need to stop with these deathflags...''
The odd one out
2 weeks later.
Inside of my room inside the dormitory, I''m training inside of my space of distorted time.
''84 units of Life around me. 84 units of Life. Suck one up and spread it around. 83 units of Life.~''
Time''s up.
''Already? Damn, I need to invent something like this but with unlimited time...''
Well, it''s actually at a good time. There is someone waiting for you.
''Let me guess. It''s not hook-''
No, not hookers this time.
''Tch.''
The usual suction pulls me out from my dream-space. My eyes open wearily, and I look directly at the door.
*Knock Knock*
The door slowly opens and Lydia comes in.
"H- Hi, Yu. There is something I have to talk to you about... Wait, why am I knocking on the door of my own room?" (Lydia)
"What is it, my dear Lydia?" (Me)
Her nervous expression quickly changes to a suspicious one.
"Why are you being so nice?" (Lydia)
"I do not know what you mean?" (Me)
I do my best to put on a naive expression.
"Well, usually you would immediately start degrading me and say how stupid I am for knocking at my own door." (Lydia)
"Yeah, you''re kinda right... that was a bit suspicious, wasn''t it?" (Me)
"Yep..." (Lydia)
We look each other in the eyes for a few seconds. No one of us saying anything.
This could end up in a porno
''Not quite, but similar.''
"GET HER ALEXANDRA!" (Me)
"I KNEW IT!" (Lydia)
Suddenly, a part of the ceiling comes off and Alexandra jumps down, with Lydia as her target.
Lydia, as smart as she is, dodges to the right, but unfortunately Alexandra is smarter.
"NAIVE, YOU BRAT!" (Alexandra)
Lydia''s feet get frozen to the ground, making her unable to move any further.
"WHA- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TO ME THIS TIME?!" (Lydia)
"Well, as you know, the fall season just started, and with it I''m overflowing with ideas for my little model here." (Me)
Terror creeps it''s way up her face.
"P- Please not again. MASTER! WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN ME?!" (Lydia)
"I get 2 days off." (Alexandra)
"I''M WORTH 2 DAYS OF FREETIME?!" (Lydia)
"I actually nearly convinced her to reduce it to 1." (Me)
"FUCK BOTH OF YOU!" (Lydia)
"We love you, too." (Me)
I pull out a maid uniform, which is a bit more revealing than usual, out of my inventory and prepare to put it on Lydia.
You know, others would use that inventory for making money and shit...
''Just try telling me that keeping cosplay in it, isn''t amazing.''
It''s fucking glorious, don''t get me wrong.
"Now then, are you going to willingly put on these clothes or do I have to dress you up?" (Me)
"I CAME HERE FOR A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REASON!" (Lydia)
"And I didn''t. The answer to my question?" (Me)
"I''ll put them on myself." (Lydia)
" ''kay." (Me)
She undresses the sweater she just wore, revealing her still humble bossom inside of the black bra. The skirt gets pulled over her head, since she can''t raise her feet to take it off, and out of it pops her impressive bottom. The perfect roundness only gets accented by the matching black panties, which embraces her ass lovingly.Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
''This never gets old.''
She''s already changing in front of you, like it''s normal ._.
''Would be weird, if not. After all, she''s already done this countless tim-''
"WAIT! WHY AM I CHANGING SO NATURALLY IN FRONT OF YOU?!" (Lydia)
''This really never gets old.''
She hurries up and soon, the maid uniform, which fits her perfectly.-
It''s too small. Like... way too small...
''Didn''t I just say perfectly?''
-covers her body partly. While the chest still looks humble, from under the skirt the bottom of her ass is visible, making me harder than Estelle''s full plate armour.
"So, what did you come here for?" (Me)
"Well, firstly, it''s MY room as well. Secondly, I need you to do me a favor." (Lydia)
"Ho?" (Me)
This may sound normal, but Lydia nearly never asked me anything. So it''s a pretty new experience for me.
"So... it''s summer break, right?" (Lydia)
"Well observed." (Me)
"And you got a lot of free time, right?" (Lydia)
She glances at the dress I just gave her.
"Of course not. I actually have a shitload to do." (Me)
"So... there was this thing... that happened... at the tournament." (Lydia)
''She''s just gonna ignore me, saying, that I''m busy?''
"Come on. Hurry up." (Me)
"I..." (Lydia)
She clenches the dress as if her life depends on it. Her expression shows that it''s the most uncomfortable position for her right now, even though I already humiliated her in other, various, ways.
"I NEED YOU TO MEET MY PARENTS!" (Lydia)
"Yeah, sure. Let''s go." (Me)
"I KNOW IT MAY SOUND WEIRD, BUT- you just said "yeah, sure", didn''t you?" (Lydia)
She visibly loosens up from the straight posture she just had.
"It''s really time that I meet that sister of yours, and why not meet your parents while I''m at it?" (Me)
"Why am I getting bad premonitions when I think of you meeting my sister?" (Lydia)
I act like I think about it for a second.
"You''re imagining it. When can we go?" (Me)
"Why are you so eager about it?" (Lydia)
"You know, the usual. It could just be me, looking forward to it, or maybe it could be my sister who stands in front of the door and is ready to kidnap me as soon as I leave the room." (Me)
"Please tell me it''s the first one." (Lydia)
"Ohoho, if you think that then OH BOY! ARE YOU IN FOR A SURPRISE!" (Me)
Once again, Lydia panicks.
"W- we can go right now! T- t- the carriage is already ready!" (Lydia)
"Then let''s leave quickly, cause I think she noticed that we''re up to something." (Me)
Picking Lydia up in a princess carry, I leave Alexandra behind and flee from my lovely sister by jumping out of the window.
Yeah, sure. "Flee from your lovely sister".
"YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST WARNED ME BEFORE JUMPING OUT OF THE WINDOW!" (Lydia)
"But where would be the fun in that?" (Me)
As soon as I leave the room, I see the carriage in the distance. I throw Lydia in the direction of it and teleport. Before she collides with the carriage, I catch her and sit both of us down.
"DRIVE!" (Me)
"U- UNDERSTOOD!" (Coachman)
The neighing of the horses suddenly resounds and we drive off at full speed.
Finally, after Lydia recovered from the shock of being thrown so suddenly and stopped cursing at me like I was the devil himself, we manage to get into a normal conversation.
"So... have your breasts been growing?" (Me)
"WHY IS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU ASK?!" (Lydia)
"I''m making an effort to start a conversation here." (Me)
Master. I don''t know much about human conversations, but I doubt that that would be considered normal.
This back and forth goes on and on, until we finally arrived after about 40 minutes.
"*Whistle*Quite a mansion you have here." (Me)
From the outside the house looks posh and extravagant. It has been built with bricks covered in render and has grey brick decorations. Tall, large windows let in plenty of light and have been added to the house in a very symmetric way, making it look even more elegant.
What a nice description.
''Thank you.''
We drive around the marble fountain at the entrance and stop the carriage.
I stand up and, with a pain in the behind from this uncomfortable seat, leave the carriage.
"Yu, please behave while you''re with my mother. She''s a bit... special." (Lydia)
"I always behave! You just don''t understand how I behave." (Me)
The wooden doors open dramatically. On the other side of the gateway stands a girl, who looks similar to Lydia but has way bigger breasts. Her blouse seems to be a bit too small for them, since they barely stretch over them, which provocates me just a little bit.
"Lil'' Sis!" (???)
Just as she seemingly wanted to embrace Lydia in a hug, she stops and looks at Lydia intently.
"What is it?" (Lydia)
"This outfit." (???)
"What do you mean, "this outfi"- OH BULLOCKS!" (Lydia)
Lydia realises that she''s still wearing the way too small maid uniform.
But the other person doesn''t seem to be bothered by it, but rather interested.
At that moment, she looks over to me.
Our eyes meet.
We stare at each other for a short amount of time.
"Good job." (???)
She stretches her thumb out.
We hook arms and, with that, a new friendship is born.
"I already regret that you two got the chance to meet... I introduce: This is my older sister, Prima Kwas. Prima, this is my..." (Lydia)
She stops and her face blushes.
"Future husband, Yu Krifta." (Lydia)
"Nice to meet you." (Me)
Lydia looks at me with an agape mouth, probably surprised at my calm behaviour.
Prima raises her skirt a bit and bows ladylike.
"It''s my pleasure." (Prima)
Suddenly, another female voice resounds from behind Prima.
"Oh? Did our guest already arrive?" (???)
''HOLY SHIT!''
MILF ALERT!
A bombastic body appears around the corner of the door. The white, shoulderless dress barely covers her huge tits, leaving a huge cleavage, at which''s side her black hair is falling down like a waterfall. The additional shortness of the dress makes place for enough underass. Now take the fact that the dress is free at the stomach and at the back to picture the woman in front of me.
I immediately pull Lydia aside for a second.
"Sob*Why didn''t you tell me?! *Sob*" (Me)
"Tell you what?" (Lydia)
"That you''re adopted of course! There is no way for both your relatives to have tits this big, and you having barely mosquito bites! I would''ve treated you so much better from the beginning!" (Me)
"EXCEPT THAT I''M NOT!" (Lydia)
I continue to tease Lydia in various ways, to which she reacts like always, but there''s one weird thing.
''Why is the mother looking so surprised at us?''
Maybe because of the maid uniform?
''She''s barely wearing a rag. There''s no way that a simple uniform would surprise her.''
"So that''s how it is, fufu." (Mother)
''God damnit, not this laugh again. I already had enough problems with the last one who laughed like that.''
"Why don''t you come in, handsome young man, and we talk a minute?" (Mother)
''I''ll follow you to the ends of the earth baby.''
"As you wish." (Me)
Lydia''s mother takes the lead and I follow her with Lydia and Prima. Her gigantic ass swaying around like jelly, nearly hypnotizing me.
''This is gonna be fun.''
You don''t even know how many pictures I''m taking...
*Gods Plan starts playing*
Her swaying butt hypnotizes me until I feel a sharp pain in my side.
"What do you think you''re looking at?" (Lydia)
"At your mother''s ass? I would be surprised if it''s something else." (Me)
"HOW ABOUT YOU STOP THAT?!" (Lydia)
"Mother does have a nice ass..." (Prima)
"PRIMA?!" (Lydia)
We look each other in the eyes again. With every passing second, our bonds only deepen.
Lydia''s mother leads us through the extravagant halls covered in marble, to a room which is generally simply decorated. It''s just 2 sofas with a table in between them, a few plants here and there and finally a red carpet covering the ground.
"Sit down, please." (Mother)
I do as she says and sit down with Lydia beside me. Prima and her mother sit opposite to us, creating 2 clear teams.
TEAM FLATCHEST VS. TEAM TITTIES!
''Would be weird if I wasn''t flatchested...''
"Do you want tea?" (Mother)
"I would gladly take some." (Me)
Suddenly Lydia leans in on my ear and starts whispering.
"Since when can you be polite?" (Lydia)
I do the same in return.
"If you try to insult me one more damn time, you''ll be naked the next time you come here." (Me)
"..." (Lydia)
"That''s what I thought. And anyways, what am I here for? I''m kinda in the dark here." (Me)
Lydia hesitates before she answers quietly.
"My parents want to marry me off and I used you as a cover. I told them that I chose you as my future husband, so I wouldn''t have to marry some sleazy, fat noble." (Lydia)
"So the usual, gotcha. Leave it to me." (Me)
I distance my face from Lydia''s ear and look at her mother: A slight hinge of seriousness washes over me.
"Oh my, you two seem to be rather close?" (Mother)
"Well, I do plan on taking your daughter''s hand in marriage soon, so we ought to be at least this familiar with each other." (Me)
Lydia beside me blushes into a scarlet shade, even though she herself initiated this play of house.
"Fufu, how bold. So you know what the situation is?" (Mother)
"Briefly, but yes." (Me)
"Then you know why I need to have a talk with you?" (Mother)
"Perhaps, because you want to evaluate me and how I can contribute to your family?" (Me)
Her mother keeps smiling at me.
"Magnificient! Then let''s start this little interview of mine!" (Mother)
She fixes her posture a bit. A butler, who seems to have heard us just now, brings us tea, which is left untouched by all of us, leaving the fragrance sway in the room.
"So to start this off: I didn''t quite know your name yet." (Mother)
"I think it''s common courtesy to introduce yourself first, isn''t it?" (Me)
She smirks at my response, which may have seemed a bit rude, but confident nontheless.
"Fufu, of course. How rude of me. My name is Nia Kwas. My maiden name is Nia Beppelin." (Mother)
YOU CHOSE THAT NAME ON PURPOSE, DIDN''T YOU AUTHOR?! YOU TOREUP THAT HOLE IN MY HEART AGAIN!
(Author''s note: Nia is best girl.)
''So you''ve gone over to the dark side...''
"Very well. My name is Yu Krifta." (Me)
In response to my name, her eyes suddenly widen.
"Krifta? Could you be the son of Boris Krifta? The renowned former royal guard captain? Who was able to slay dragons with one slash?" (Mother)
At a village in the woods.
"PLEASE MASTER! HARDER!" (Father)
*WHIP!*
"I''LL RAM YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU CAN''T SIT FOR ANOTHER 12 WEEKS!" (Mother)
Back to our MC.
"I... I guess so?" (Me)
He changed quite a lot, huh?
"Fufu, you might fit better in our family than I thought." (Mother)
"I hope so." (Me)
She sips from her tea, showing that she''s a bit more relaxed now and Lydia does the same.
"So, how did the two of you meet?" (Prima)Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
"*SPIIIT!*HOW WE MET?!" (Lydia)
Lydia gets even more flustered than she already was.
"EEUUUHHH, WE JUST MET BY COINCIDENCE! IT WAS FATE! YEAH!" (Lydia)
"That doesn''t sound suspiscious at all." (Prima)
Prima stares at her little sister with an intense gaze.
At that moment, I intervene.
"Let''s just say, you helped a lot Prima." (Me)
Only a second of thought is needed before she gets what I''m implying.
Another thumbs up shows that.
I think I''m losing my position as your biggest bro here.
(Author''s note: We already told you, you''re gonna be a girl. You''re his best sis at best.)
SHADDAP!
''I wonder if I can somehow upload her brain to replace your system?''
YOU''RE A CUNT AS WELL!( ?? ??`)
The interview continues.
She asks for my goals in the future, to which I answer.
She asks for my relationships with the other girls, which I skillfully dodge.
And her last question finally comes, after 2 hours full of serious answering.
"When will my grandchild be born?" (Mother)
"Yeah, I want a cute, little nephew." (Prima)
"THAT WON''T HAPPEN ANY TIME SOO-" (Lydia)
"It''ll take about 3 more years, at max." (Me)
"Why am I even surprised at that?" (Lydia)
The other team puts on a satisfied expression. The tea has long turned cold, but they still chug it down in one go. After putting the cup down with a satisfied smile, her mother leaves the room with only a few words.
"See you tonight." (Mother)
''WHAT?!''
"Yeah, see you later." (Me)
"WHAT?!" (Lydia)
The double-door closes with a loud clank, leaving us dumbfounded, except of Prima... and I just hide it like an expert.
"*Sigh*Finally she left. So? What is it that you want to ask?" (Prima)
"Ask?" (Lydia)
"He isn''t the type of guy who would just stroll in here without a reason. And I don''t think there was anything of interest in here, other than me, right?" (Prima)
An undescribably happy smile makes it''s way through my face.
"You''re just fucking perfect! You really do understand me, don''t you?!" (Me)
Prima smirks at my sudden happiness.
"I guess you want to get some information about the reincarnated?" (Prima)
"Huh? Reincarnation?" (Lydia)
"So you do know something." (Me)
I force myself to calm down from my euphoria.
"Yeah. I want to know why the gods seem to have reincarnated multiple people into this world. I don''t think that they''ve done it out of good will. I don''t trust them nearly enough for that." (Me)
Prima falls into thought for a second, before continuing to smile at me.
"You know, you''re pretty lucky. If you went to any other of the chosen ones, then you wouldn''t have gotten any information." (Prima)
"Chosen ones?" (Lydia)
"Oh fuck off, don''t even try to use terms which I don''t understand yet. Only cunts do that." (Me)
"WOULD SOMEONE ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTIONS?!" (Lydia)
"Lydia, watch your language." (Prima)
"..." (Lydia)
''Damn, a sulking Lydia is really the best Lydia.''
"So what do you want to know Lydia?" (Me)
"Well, first I want to know why you''re interested in these reincarnated." (Lydia)
"I''m one myself. Anything else?" (Me)
"WAIT WHAT?! YOU LIVED IN ANOTHER WORLD BEFORE?!" (Lydia)
"I did as well." (Prima)
"WHAT?!" (Lydia)
"Come on Lydia, don''t be such a drama queen." (Me)
You know, that''s a completely normal reaction.
Yes it is, master. I was surprised as well when I first heard of it.
''Pff, weaklings.''
Suddenly, a bird lands on Prima''s shoulder. White feathers and black eyes make him look pretty boring, but 3 legs work against it well.
"Let me guess. Your familiar?" (Me)
"You''re god damn right." (Prima)
"Hi." (Bird)
"DID THE BIRD JUST SPEAK?!" (Lydia)
"Would you quiet down Lydia? I''m sitting right beside you. I can hear you loud and clearly." (Me)
"But... but... there''s just so much that I''m realising about you two now... I don''t even know if I really know you anymore..." (Lydia)
Lydia seems to be on the verge of tears from realising that the two people, she''s the closest to, seem to have kept a lot secret from her.
I put my hand on top of her head and ruffle it up a bit.
"Wha- STOP!" (Lydia)
"I''m still the type of guy you think I am. Nothing has changed. You just know a bit more about me now." (Me)
Aww, that''s so sweet... yOu jUsT kNow A bIT mORe aBOuT mE nOW
''You''re just jealous that you can''t conquer her, aren''t you?''
...No(?n?)
"Y- yeah, you''re right, aren''t you? There are still a lot of things I need to learn about you..." (Lydia)
"Yep, so calm down Lydia and stop being a crybaby. You''re 14 for god''s sake." (Me)
"YOU-" (Lydia)
"What the hell did you summon me for, Prima? I''m pretty damn busy, and you fucking know that." (Bird)
"What an interesting fella." (Me)
"Fuck off." (Bird)
A ray of lightning shoots past him.
"You missed." (Bird)
"Next time I won''t." (Me)
"Why are you arguing with a bird?" (Lydia)
''She''s actually right about that.''
Prima pulls out a cracker and gives it to the bird, to which he chirps satisfied.
"You''re here so you can tell this guy right here, what you told me 17 years ago." (Prima)
"You could''ve just fucking told him yourself." (Bird)
"Yeah, but getting it told by a bird is a totally different thing, you know?" (Prima)
"Fuck.... alright. But first, a fucking introduction is fucking needed." (Bird)
The bird sits down on her shoulder.
"I''m Tenke, a minor god. I represent knowledge and good harvest." (Bird)
"Cool. I''m Yu. I represent being a cunt." (Me)
"That fits way better than it should..." (Lydia)
"You''re naked the next time you come here." (Me)
"WAIT A MINUTE PLEASE! I DIDN''T MEAN IT THAT WAY!" (Lydia)
"Stop your fucking useless gibberish. I''m about to drop some knowledge on you." (Bird)
No one answers him.
"Good. So as a god-" (Bird)
"Minor god." (Me)
"-I know a bit of what the bigger gods are up to. And essentially they''re recruiting soldiers with potential by letting them come to a random planet and train there, until they reach a level where they can ascend to a celestial being. After that they get roped into one of the factions and serve them from then on, helping them in the war against the other factions in pursue of the only, ultimate faction." (Bird)
"Wait, so all the celestial beings had to train to become like that? So they were human before, right?" (Me)
"Yeah." (Bird)
A smile creeps up on my face.
''That means they can be manipulated.''
"And what''s the deal about the factions?" (Me)
"Every god, who is known well enough, is in one faction for a variety of reasons. They get certain advantages, like legendary items and shit, to help them get even stronger. They then are able to choose who they want to reincarnate under their "aspect". The aspect is, as I mentioned before, the fucking thing they represent. Those reincarnated get buffs which help them get stronger faster. Your buff changes dependently on which aspect you were born under." (Bird)
Suddenly, the old man comes to my mind.
My smile only widens.
"But there is one god who''s an exception, isn''t there?" (Me)
The bird tilts his head at my sudden assumption.
"Yes, there fucking is, and you shouldn''t fuck with him. The Omni-God. The all-father. He is the one who created all, but even he was only human before." (Bird)
''So he was human too, huh?''
"For your information, I was born under Tenke''s aspect when he was still strong enough to reincarnate others." (Prima)
"When he "was"?" (Me)
"Yeah, those other fuckers made me fall. Once you die as a god, there is a chance that you''ll just fall to a lesser state. Or you just die off completely." (Bird)
I think about what I just heard deeply.
"All those factions and shit. So it''s just a religious war on a much bigger scale?" (Me)
"Yeah." (Bird)
My smile now widens until it could be considered grotesque.
"My final question: Is it possible to create your own faction?" (Me)
The bird seems to break out in sweat.
"U- under circumstances it is. But it would go against the will of the other gods heavily, since they won''t allow a new faction to form. Why do you want to know that?" (Bird)
I stand up and walk towards the door with Lydia in hand.
"Aren''t you a god of knowledge? I think you should be able to guess that." (Me)
"You''re a fucking lunatic. You can''t just oppose the rest of the celestial beings. Who do you think you are?!" (Bird)
I glance behind my back for a second.
"The one who is gonna fuck up this order that has been established." (Me)
"Yeah sure, just go against those godly beings. I won''t stop you, but don''t count me in on that." (Lydia)
"What do you mean? Of course you''re going to accompany me on this journey and stay by my side forever." (Me)
"This shouldn''t make me happy." (Lydia)
"But it does." (Me)
"NO IT DOESN''T!" (Lydia)
And with that I close the door, leaving Prima and her rude bird behind.
What are the best things in a story? Thats right, backstories and ninjas
"Yu? Are you awake?" (Lydia)
Through the silence of the night, Lydia''s voice resounds nervously.
"What the fuck kinda question is that? If I was asleep just now, then I most certainly wouldn''t be anymore after that!" (Me)
I notice how Lydia shifts quiet soundly inside of our bed. I open my eyes, annoyed at the fact that I was nearly asleep.
Moving my head to the right, I see how Lydia looks at me with her beautiful black eyes. A few strands of hair cover her face, making her look messier than she usually does.
"I want to talk." (Lydia)
"Wanna talk about how we ended up in one bed again, even though we have a whole mansion at our service?" (Me)
"We can''t help it. After our talk with Mother and Prima was over, it was already nearly nighttime, but we still had to look like a couple. So we have to sleep in one bed." (Lydia)
"Thanks for the summary of the last few hours." (Me)
A second of silence interrupts our dialogue, before she starts speaking again.
"Yu?" (Lydia)
"Yep, still here." (Me)
"You know, this past year was really fun." (Lydia)
"Sure, if you leave out the fact that I nearly lost my body to an unknown entity and was meanwhile nearly cursed to death, it was fun." (Me)
''Wait, I kinda know this scenario.''
"When we first met, I thought you were just a perverted asshole, and to be honest that opinion didn''t change." (Lydia)
"Oh, so this is what we''re gonna do now? We''re gonna fight?" (Me)
"The incident in the dungeon, where I nearly died and you saved me." (Lydia)
Her nice smile now changed to a genuine laugh.
"Our everyday-life together, as annoying as it can be that you always put me in these weird costumes." (Lydia)
"I put a shitload of work into them, you know?" (Me)
"And then there is still the fact that you always made fun of me and bullied me without a reason." (Lydia)
She changes her position again and now lays on her back.
"I should really hate you for all those mean things. I really should..." (Lydia)
Her hand moves to her chest and grips it tightly.
"Nevertheless, I don''t know why, but this feeling in my chest won''t stop." (Lydia)
''Wait, is she gonna say it right here?''
Even through the dark night, I can see how she blushes with a slight, nice smile on her face.
"I-I think..." (Lydia)
Her blushing intensifies.
"I think I..." (Lydia)
''COME ON! JUST TWO MORE WORDS!''
SHE''S GONNA SAY IT!
"Lo-" (Lydia)
Suddenly the door opens loudly.
"Excuse me!" (Mother)
''OH FUCKING HELL!''
"MOTHER?!" (Lydia)
''AS MUCH AS I LOVE SEEING A BIG TITTIED OLDER WOMAN IN HER NEGLIGEE (which is nearly see-through), THIS WAS THE PERFECT FUCKING MOMENT JUST NOW!''The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
"I''m incredibly sorry, sweetie, but I need to borrow your future husband for a second." (Mother)
"BUT I WAS JUST ABOUT TO-" (Lydia)
"YEAH! SHE WAS JUST ABOUT TO-" (Me)
Her mother approaches me incredibly fast and drags me out of the room, by the collar of my own pyjama.
''I''m being incredibly nice not to rip her arm off right now. Incredibly nice.''
She enters a random room, after about 5 minutes of running, and sits me down on a chair, finally letting my collar go.
I look around me.
Nothing special about this room again. Seems like, even thought his house is quite luxurious, the rooms are scarcely decorated.
"Mother? May I ask why you have disturbed our slumber?" (Me)
She closes the door behind her gently and turns around, her tits bouncing while she''s at it.
''Just that ain''t gonna make my mood better.''
"Please, call me Nia." (Mother)
Her voice sounds extremely seductive.
"I''d rather not. That would open up wounds inside of my heart, which I don''t want to remember." (Me)
(Author''s note: Yes, I love Gurren Lagann, and you''re gonna see a lot more references to it. Brace yourselves. For anyone who hasn''t done so yet, go watch it.)
She approaches me with graceful steps, her hips swaying every time she takes one.
"I have called you here, on this beautiful night, for one reason." (Mother)
"Excuse me? Did you just say "called"?" (Me)
Her fingertips go up my left thigh, ever so slowly. Her face closes in on my ear until I can feel her breath.
''That''s still not enough to appease me.''
The distance between her face and my ear is now only a matter of centimeters.
She tones her voice down, until only someone in the immediate vicinity could hear it.
"I want you to take me." (Mother)
''That... that might be enough... TIME DO DIG IN!''
NOW HOLD YOUR HORSES MY FRIEND!
''What?''
What about your promise? What about the disgusting shota action?
''COME ON! LOOK AT HER!''
Her mature face is completely flushed and she breathes heavily. A slight lick over her lips nearly makes me lose all reasoning.
''SHE''S HORNY AS FUCK AND I''M AS WELL!''
Tch! I didn''t want to use that, but you leave me no choice...
''What can a screen d-''
Would you really rather lose your virginity here with an older woman, or a few years later in an orgy with all of your heroines?
''...''
Her lips leave my ear and travel to my cheeks, on their way to my lips.
"I have to refuse. My heart belongs to Lydia." (Me)
She abruptly stops.
"Fufu." (Mother)
And starts laughing.
"Fufufufufu! Do you really want to let such a rare chance slip through your fingers?" (Mother)
"As sad as it may be, yes." (Me)
''God, it hurts my heart.''
"Fine then! You passed. Seems like I can really entrusts her to you." (Mother)
"So it was a test... I should''ve known..." (Me)
''Thanks Screeny.''
I got you, bud.
"Yes, excuse me for making you go through that test, but I had to see if you really were in love with her. It''s really baffling how you could resist me, even though I consider myself as quite the beautful woman." (Mother)
"Don''t understand me wrong, please. You''re incredibly beautiful, but I wouldn''t choose anyone over Lydia." (Me)
Awww
"Fufu, you''re quite flattering." (Mother)
''How was that flattering?! You called yourself beautiful just now!''
She takes the seat opposite of me.
"May I ask why I had to be tested?" (Me)
''Although I already have the general idea.''
"I guess, since you passed, I can tell you about it." (Mother)
Her face suddenly becomes serious, which is quite the contrast to her see-through negligee.
''Fuck, I can''t concentrate because of her...''
"My little future husband, I have to tell you that Lydia has not always been that strong and independent." (Mother)
''STRONG AND INDEPENDENT?! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!''
"There was once a time, when Lydia was very sensitive, but still closed her heart off of everything." (Mother)
''And there we go. Time for another backstory.''
"Her whole childhood, she was isolated from her peers. She didn''t fit in with the nobles, since she wasn''t as snobby as them, but also didn''t have friends among the peasants, since she had a different social standing." (Mother)
''...Another outcast, huh?''
"Me and her father had too much to do at that time, so we weren''t able to console her in any way. She endured and endured, with only her big sister at her side." (Mother)
Her teasing, secuctive smile changed to a wry one.
"She would always put on this farce of a smile, never showing her true colours, until recently it seems. Every time I see you laugh with her, she seems so happy. I really want to thank you for that." (Mother)
"There''s no need for that. I do it out of my own free will." (Me)
"No, I really need to thank you for it. I don''t know what would have happened to her if she went on like that. It must be hell to always have a mask on, never showing anyone how you truly feel. Sealing away all the bad emotions inside of yourself, without anyone to rely on. Being so alone... I can''t even imagine it." (Mother)
"Yeah... me neither..." (Me)
"And then... you came to her rescue, I think. In all those years, since she was a teenager, she would always either put up a show fitting her social status by flaunting with it, or just be silent. But every time she''s with you, she seems to genuinely have so much fun." (Mother)
She stops for a second.
"That''s why, I want to entrust her to you. Please don''t leave her. I don''t know if she could cope with that..." (Mother)
She kneels on the ground with her face touching it.
"Yeah, I won''t let her experience that. Not her." (Me)
I take Mother''s hand and pick her up.
"Thank you." (Mother)
And this is the moment where everything goes batshit crazy again!
"No problem. Oh yeah, just one more question: Is that guy behind you, cloaked in black and ready to stab you, also part of this test of yours?" (Me)
"No." (Mother)
"Didn''t think so." (Me)
I point my finger at him and-
"Bang!" (Me)
He drops on the floor like a log.
"Oh my, that really surprised me. How fortunate that you were able to stop him." (Mother)
I touch my temples.
"Yeah, but that wasn''t it, yet." (Me)
*KYAAAAAAAAAA 2x*
"You weren''t the only one who was targeted." (Me)
The tables have turned... not!
Lydia P.o.V
I see Mother dragging Yu away by his collar and close the door in a hurried manner.
"YOU CAN''T BE SERIOUS! JUST AS I WANTED TO-" (Me)
Suddenly, I remember what I was about to tell Yu and feel my head heating up.
"Bullocks, what was I about to tell him?! Why did I suddenly go along the mood?! WE ALREADY SLEPT MULTIPLE TIMES IN ONE BED! NO NEED TO BE SO IRRITATED ABOUT IT!" (Me)
...
"WHY IS IT NORMAL FOR ME TO SLEEP IN ONE BED WITH HIM?!" (Me)
Cursing at myself, I notice how my throat is dry because of the nervosity from before.
I leave the room for a glass of water. The rushed footsteps of my mother are still hearable, until a loud clancking sound dimnishes them.
I go down the hallway, which is still lit by candles, on my way to the kitchen. Not a single sound is hearable. The night is completely quiet.
''Huh... kinda unusual that I don''t hear anything. Normally, there would still be some butlers here and there...''
I continue to go down the quiet hallway.
''Wait... something is suspicious... what would Yu think in this situation?''
I imagine Yu in front of me.
"Wanna have a fist so deep up your ass that one could be called King Arthur for pulling it out?" (Yu)
''Wait, wrong Yu.''
I imagine the more serious Yu in front of me.
"It''s quiet... way too quiet... yep, someone is attacking this mansion." (Yu)
"DARN IT!" (Me)
The first thing I think of is my sister. She has never been too good at fighting, so I immediately bolt to her room as fast as I can.
I fling the door open.
"SIS!" (Me)
"KYAHAHAHA! SEEMS LIKE WE''VE GOT ANOTHER ONE!" (Bandit #1)
"Hi, lil'' sis." (Prima)
From within the chokehold of the bandit, Prima talks to me in a relaxed way.
"SIS?! WHAT HAPPENED?!" (Me)
"Well, I was sleeping, and then those guys came in and overwhelmed me. They injected some kinda drug in me, so I can''t use magic right now and then you came." (Prima)
"Nice recap." (Me)
"KEKEKEKE, AND NOW IT''S YOUR TURN! I BET WE CAN SELL YOU OFF FOR MONEY AS WELL!" (Bandit #1)
"I WILL NEVER LET YOU!" (Me)
"KUKIKUKIKUKIKU! WE HAVE YOUR SWEET SISTER AS A HOSTAGE! ONE WRONG MOVE AND I WILL KILL HER!" (Bandit #1)
"YEAH, THAT''S RIGHT! TELL HER BIG BRO!" (Bandit #2)
"SPIT IT, BIG BRO!" (Bandit #3)
"SHUT UP YOU OTHER BALDIES! AND WHY IS YOUR LAUGH GETTING WEIRDER WITH EVERY SENTENCE?!" (Lydia)
"KRAWKRAWKRAWKRAW! I DON''T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!" (Bandit #1)
"BY GOD!" (Me)
Weird laughter of the others follows as they realise how they''ve cornered me.
''I really can''t do anything. I think I''ll be able to take all of them down, but not if they have her as a hostage. I''m not fast enough for that yet...''
"*Sigh* Gosh darn it, I guess I have to rely on him again..." (Lydia)
I look Prima directly in her eyes.
She meets my gaze.
I nod slightly and she instantly understands what I want from her.
''Wait, can she read my mind or something?!''
We breath in deeply.
"KYYYYYAAAAAHHHH!!!" (Both of us)
"SHUT THOSE BITCHES UP!" (Bandit #1)
One of them closes in with a syringe in his hand and rams it in my throat. I feel a disconnection to my own pool of mana, strength gradually leaving me.
''He''s gonna get them. I''m sure of it.''
And soon, I collapse without strength. My consciousness still working.
Yu P.o.V
''Alright, we know the drill. I say something random now and it''s gonna be hilarious. Can''t we just skip it?''Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
(Author''s note: No. Being funny is literally the only thing you''re in this story for.)
''WHAT THE FUCK?! I''M THE MC OF THIS STORY, AND I''M ONLY HERE FOR COMEDIC RELIEVE?!''
(Author''s note: Yeah, pretty much.)
''FUCK Y- Oh, we arrived.''
What y''all didn''t know, is that, while I was arguing with that cunt in front of the computer screen-
(Author''s note: I''m gonna fuck you up someday.)
-I''ve already been running to the two girls I sensed with the "Search Life" spell.
"KYAHAHAHA! IT''S REALLY WAY TOO EASY TO KIDNAP RICH GIRLS!" (Bandit #1)
"BIG BRO! CAN''T WE HAVE A BIT FUN WITH THE "PACKAGE"?" (Bandit #2)
"KEKEKEKEKE! OF COURSE YOU CAN! DO WHAT YOU WANT!" (Bnadit #1)
"YOU''RE THE BEST, BIG BRO!" (Bandit #3)
"Ohohoho, no you most fucking certainly won''t." (Me)
I step into the room with slow steps. Every single one getting tenser as I approach.
I glance at Lydia and Prima. Both seem to be unconsciouss.
"WHAT?! ANOTHER ONE?! KURUKURUKURU!" (Bandit #1)
The bald bandit looks at me with crazy eyes, not a single shred of IQ is visible in them.
"BUT I HAVE TO SAY, WE DON''T NEED YOU! BOYS DON''T SELL VERY WELL!" (Bandit #1)
I continue to stroll in their direction.
"STOP RIGHT THERE YA CHEEKY WANKER! OR ELSE I WILL KILL THOSE TWO!" (Bandit #1)
I halt.
"KYAKUKYAKUKYAKUKYAKU! THAT''S RIGHT! YOU BETTER BE AN OBEDIENT LITTLE CHILD, OR ELSE THESE TWO GET HURT!" (Bandit #1)
I raise 3 fingers.
"KYAKURERUKYAKURERUKYAKURERUKYAKURERU! WHAT IS IT?! TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO COUNT NOW?!" (Bandit #1)
"This is how many mistakes you made." (Me)
"MY ONLY MISTAKE IS, THAT I DIDN''T KILL YA YET! GET HIM BOYS!" (Bandit #1)
"ALRIGHT, BIG BRO!" (The rest of the bandits)
The group simultaneously run in my direction, while trying to look as intimidating as possible.
"Mistake number 1: You have a weird ass laugh. Creeping me the fuck out." (Me)
I slide my hand once across the air vertically, and the upper body of every single bandit, except of the one holding Prima and Lydia, gets severed.
"WHA- ARE YA CRAZY?! THAT''S IT! THESE GIRLS ARE DONE FOR!" (Bandit #1)
His hand, armed with a knife, stabs at Lydia''s heart fastly.
And gets severed as well.
"Mistake number 2: You made fun of me." (Me)
"AAHHHHHHHHHH! MY HAND!!!" (Bandit #1)
3 claps resound through the room, and in the next second Prima and Lydia are on my side.
"AAAHHHH MA FOCKIN HAND! YA FOCKIN BRAT! I''LL KILL YA!" (Bandit #1)
"Mistake number FUCKING 3!" (Me)
I teleport once more. This time behind him.
"You attacked my fucking future wife." (Me)
With one fast movement, I snap his neck.
With a*Thump*, his body hits the floor, never to walk this world again.
"Screeny, time?" (Me)
It took you about 4 seconds to kill 8 armed men, if you ignore your shittalking.
"I''m awesome." (Me)
I observe my surroundings. Everywhere is blood, intestines and bodies. Quite a sight to behold.
From behind me, I hear loud footsteps. I turn around and see the sweating Nia/Mother at the doorway.
"Oh *huff*my. What*huff*happened here?" (Mother)
IT WASN''T ME, MOM!
Her already see-through, black negligee now sticks to her skin, because of the dripping sweat.
''She ain''t too good with sports, eh?''
"No need to worry, Mother. I already took care of everything." (Me)
"I can*huff* see that." (Mother)
''Nope, she isn''t out of breath. She''s aroused.''
Her already red face becomes even more flushed.
"Oh my*huff*,all these bodies. Someone''s gotta...take careof them." (Mother)
''ANOTHER PERVERT APPEARED!''
''''What about the butlers?'''' (Me)
"That won''t do. I can''t bother them with that..." (Mother)
''Well, necrophilia is kinda ho-''
Damn, necrophilia. Thanks, but I like the body alive.
''Yeah... me... too...''
You were about to say that necrophilia is kinda hot, weren''t you?
I approach Lydia''s body first and put my thumb and pinky on her.
Don''t just try to shake it off. You''re not Taylor Swift
(Auhtor''s note: I bet Taylor Swift would be a swift tailor... where''s the rope when I need it?)
Just as I put my mana with the "Life" attribute inside her, I sense how something alien is inside of her body, so I expell it.
''Poison, eh?''
She slowly opens her eyes. Her gaze frightened to the brink.
"Took you long enough." (Lydia)
"It took me seconds to get here, you ungrateful bitch. And why are you always getting into trouble?! I didn''t want to spend my night, saving your sorry excuse for tits!" (Me)
She puffs her cheeks up, trying to be cutely sulking.
"Stop that, you''re not cute. You only have a nice ass, so show me that or piss off." (Me)
"YOU ARSE!" (Lydia)
I heal Prima the same way and wait until both of them recover from the shock...
Which takes literally seconds, since Prima didn''t give a fuck about it for some reason, and Lydia has me to cling to.
"So? Do y''all know who they were?" (Me)
"Yep. Those were some thugs from our rival family, who will now be taken care of." (Prima)
"What a fucking boring reason, damn. How do you know that anyways?" (Me)
"My familiar." (Prima)
"Huh... would you say, that a little bird told you that?" (Me)
HA! Nice pun.
"HA! Nice pun-" (Prima)
''She could really replace you...''
YOU KNOW HER ONLY A DAY!
''WHICH JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH BETTER SHE IS THAN YOU!''
FUCK OFF!
"-, but yeah. Tenke is a God of knowledge after all. He ought to know things like that." (Prima)
"Minor God." (Me)
"I will shit on you if you don''t stop saying that." (Bird)
"Look who we have here. The minor God." (Me)
"That''s it." (Bird)
The night passes with me dodging the bird''s shit and him dodging my shit-
''No, wait. What?''
(Author''s note: You heard the narrator.)
''I''m not gonna throw my poop.''
(Author''s note: You''re doing whatever I damn please.)
''VIVA LA REVOLUCIN!''
-and the next day, we already prepare for departure.
(Auhtor''s note: You can''t just progress in the story without my permission.)
''Watch me.''
"WE ONLY CAME HERE FOR ONE DAY?!" (Lydia)
"Yep." (Me)
The carriage stands in front of the marble fountain, ready to leave. In the background, the rising sun is painting streaks of light on the sky.
"It really is a shame that you need to leave so early, but nothing you can do about it." (Prima)
"Don''t worry, I''ll be coming to get you too as soon as I get my own house and not that shitty dorm." (Me)
"Is that future house full of girls like her?" (Prima)
She points to Lydia.
"What do you mean? Girls like me?" (Lydia)
"She means girls she can push over, and yes. There''s even a masochistic elf you can play with." (Me)
"OH SHIT! REALLY?!" (Prima)
"FUCK YEAH BITCH!" (Me)
"WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO HYPED UP ABOUT THAT?!" (Lydia)
"GET YOUR ASS IN THE CARRIAGE LYDIA!" (Me)
I grab her by the collar and pull her inside. The neighing of the horses resounds, just like when we departed, and we drive off.
''But that was really an interesting poison. To have such an effect... maybe I should learn how to use poison?''
"You know Yu..." (Lydia)
"What? Are you going to finish your confession?" (Me)
She looks at me with a smug smile.
"Why should I? Aren''t I already your "fucking future wife"?" (Lydia)
''Fuck, of course she heard that.''
"You were so heroic when you said that! Why can''t you be honest and just say how much I''m worth to y-!" (Lydia)
I grab her by her head midway through the sentence.
"So this is how you''re gonna play, huh?" (Me)
"Y-Y- You wouldn''t do anything to your future wife, right?!" (Lydia)
"OF COURSE I WON''T! BUT AS MY FUTURE WIFE, YOU HAVE TO FULFILL MY DESIRES, DON''T YOU?! ALEXANDRA!" (Me)
"Yo." (Alexandra)
"MASTER?! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" (Lydia)
"I kinda took a liking to teasing you. Additionally, I get 2 days off." (Alexandra)
My grip tightens and her gaze of terror intensifies.
"I- I didn''t mean it that way. I d-d-didn''t want to m-m-m-make fun of you. I SWEAR!" (Lydia)
"TOO FUCKING LATE!" (Me)
That morning, Lydia lost something very precious. Not her virginity yet, but every other last fortitude of her innocence.
"NOOOOO!! PLEASE NOT THERE!" (Lydia)
Summoned in chapter 61
"Oi, Master. Wake up." (Alexandra)
The shaking from Alexandra pulls me out from my deep slumber. Slightly groggy, I put my feet on the floor below me.
"Fucking school. Should''ve stayed dead. At least I could''ve slept more then." (Me)
"And I would still be queen in my cozy dungeon, wouldn''t have to wake up early every morning to wake you up and wouldn''t need to listen to a younger cunt." (Alexandra)
"I JUST WANTED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT WAKING UP EARLY! DAMN!" (Me)
"Mmmh." (Lydia)
I notice how my screaming nearly woke Lydia up, who sleeps in the bed beside me. Her entire body wanders around the bed, before coming to a halt in a comfortable position.
"What an angel. Let''s let her sleep for now." (Me)
"But doesn''t she have to go to school, too? I mean, today is the first da-" (Alexandra)
"Shush, my child. Let the angel sleep." (Me)
I put on my clothes swiftly and leave the room as quiet as I can. A slight draft goes through the hallway.
As soon as I turn around.
"Good morning, my dear sister." (Me)
"Good morning, brother." (Janna)
"How long have you been standing here?" (Me)
"Since you came back from your trip." (Janna)
"That was 3 weeks ago." (Me)
"Yes." (Janna)
Did... did she really?
''Sensed her sometimes with my "Search Life" spell. I can confirm it.''
The tenacity of masters sister is really astonishing.
I glance behind Janna.
"So Aline is not with you today either, huh?" (Me)
"Yes. She said that she wants to go alone to school today." (Janna)
A second of awkward silence.
"Not that I dislike it at all. I actually welcome it." (Janna)
"Yeah, she ain''t getting away. Be right back, my cute little sis." (Me)
I clap in my hands and activate "Lightning step". I run through the hallways to the usual way to our school, and look who I found.
"GOTCHA!" (Me)
"HYA! LET ME GO YOU IDIOT!" (Aline)
I continue to run in a certain direction with Aline in my arms. A few jumps and leaps later, I arrive at my wished location.
''The top of a clocktower. The perfect place for romantic issues.''
"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE! I WON''T FORGIVE YOU IF YOU DON''T!" (Aline)
"What?" (Me)
"I''M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!" (Aline)
''She has a golden fucking lion as a fucking soul essence. Why would she be afraid of fucking heights?!''
I pick her back up in a princess carry and make my way down as safely as I can.
''A church, huh? I guess that does the job...''
Won''t entering it hurt?
''I''m flattered that you think like that.''
That was not a compliment
''What part?''
I open the huge doubledoors with a kick, Aline still in my arms.
The silent environment immediately would put one to ease, but perhaps because of my relationship with the heavenly army, I only feel a slight pain up my ass.
"This... this is better, I guess." (Aline)
She wobbly gets down from my arms.
"So? What do you want?" (Aline)
"Aline. Do you think I didn''t notice how you''re trying to avoid me? You would never go alone to school, espescially if I go as well." (Me)
"Who said that? Sometimes I just like to go alone!" (Aline)
"No you don''t. Don''t make a fool of me." (Me)
Even though this story is called "A Fool-"
''No. Bad Screeny. Bad girl.''
I''m not a fucking dog you cunt
''You''re whatever I fucking want you to be.''
"Ever since I told you about my shitty past, you''ve been avoiding me. That''s not the reason I told you that." (Me)
Aline clenches her red dress tightly.
''I''m still pissed that we don''t have school uniforms.''
"You idiot. I always thought that I knew everything about you, since we grew up together. But then you tell me all those things..." (Aline)
"That''s cause I didn''t want to put on a mask in front of you anymore. I want you to see the real me." (Me)This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
She lets go of her dress and looks straight at me.
"Is there still anything you haven''t told me about?" (Aline)
"Just that I already met a few gods, the strongest one of them included, was noticed by the god of lightning and am soon able to get some of his powers. I nearly fought a celestial being once and already have some issues with one of the strongest armies in the omniverse. But I only didn''t tell you that, cause it''s not really relevant." (Me)
"HOW IS THAT NOT RELEVANT?!" (Aline)
''''I know that it''s relevant. I just wanted to brag a bit.'''' (Me)
"YOU MORON!" (Aline)
I step closer to her.
"So please, Aline. Don''t go out of your way to avoid me." (Me)
She steps back.
"B- But what if-" (Aline)
I step closer again.
"No "what ifs" anymore. I just don''t want you to be so upset about such a little thing." (Me)
She wants to distance herself again, but she notices that she already arrived in front of the altair of the church.
''Well, this just fits perfect.''
I take Aline''s hand and hold it tightly.
"Aline." (Me)
I hint at the altair behind her.
"W- What''s that supposed to mean?" (Aline)
"What do you think does it mean?" (Me)
Her eyes widen.
"Y- YOU IDIOT! THIS DOESN''T MEAN ANYTHING!" (Aline)
"For me it does." (Me)
I place my hand on the back of her head and lean in for the kiss.
She doesn''t resist much, to my surprise, and soon our lips touch.
AND THEN YOU RAM IT DEEP INSIDE HER!
''Not in front of God!''
Like you would give a fuck.
I glance at her, our kiss still ongoing, and see how she... fainted... again...
"Huh... I wonder how she will react when we go over to do the real thing." (Me)
She ded
"And she even has a fucking nosebleed. No clich is safe from this story, huh?" (Me)
I notice how late it already is.
"Gotta take her to class then..." (Me)
Once more, I pick Aline up in a princess carry and finally arrive at class.
''What a normal morning.''
Before I sit down, I put Aline in the seat beside me.
And then the whispering begins again.
"Isn''t that Yu Krifta? The one who won the tournament?" (Random classmate #21)
"Yeah. Look at him. He''s way too handsome to be confused for anyone else." (Random classmate #29)
"I want his baby!" (Random classmate #14)
''What? Is the voice who likes my ass a-''
"GIMME THAT BOOTY ALREADY!" (Deep voice)
''There it is.''
One by one, the rest of my harem arrives.
"Good mornyan, Yu!" (Belka)
"You''re coming on my lap." (Me)
I put her on my lap.
"You can still defile me." (Estelle)
"You''re coming far away from Janna, since she''ll kill you otherwise." (Me)
"So you left because of Aline, brother?I should''ve eliminated her before she became a threat..." (Janna)
"And you, Janna, sit beside Aline. Make up you two." (Me)
"Tch." (Janna)
''I love it when they fight.''
Suddenly the door opens with a loud*BANG!*
"YU! YOU ARSE! WHY DIDN''T YOU WAKE ME UP?!" (Lydia)
"Cause you were sleeping so peacefully. What kind of monster would wake someone up in that case?" (Me)
"SOMEONE WHO''S NOT NOTORIOUSLY AN ASSHOLE!" (Lydia)
"No swearing, Lydia. We don''t do that here." (Me)
"YOU USE "FUCKING" IN EVERY SECOND SENTENCE!" (Lydia)
"No, I fucking don''t." (Me)
"YOU SAID IT AGAIN!" (Lydia)
"I don''t fucking know what you mean." (Me)
"YOU DAMN-" (Lydia)
Just as she wanted to lash out again (which I was looking forward to), Joanna steps into the classroom with a huge smile on her face.
"Good morning class!" (Joanna)
"Sup, Joanna." (Me)
She glances at me for a second, but decides to ignore me.
"I want to say something." (Joanna)
She clears her throat.
"FUCK THIS CLASS! FUCK YOU, YU! FUCK Y''ALL! I''M OUT!" (Joanna)
"The fuck?" (Me)
"I WON''T HAVE TO SUFFER FROM YOUR INSULTS AND KNIFE THROWING ANY LONGER!" (Joanna)
"Big words from someone who seemed to have nearly been conquer-" (Me)
"NOPE! I DON''T CARE! FUCK Y-" (Joanna)
*Thud! 3x*
3 knives land around her head on the blackboard behind her.
"Wanna interrupt me again mid-sentence?" (Me)
"No. I''m sorry." (Joanna)
Her boastful middle fingers retracted and she suddenly becomes meek.
"So what was it that you were saying?" (Me)
She clears her throat again and goes in starter position in the direction of the door.
"FUCK THIS CLASS AND ALL OF YOU! I DIDN''T LIKE YOU AND THIS GUY WILL BE YOUR NEW TEACHER!" (Joanna)
She sprints out of the class.
I have to say... that was new...
''Like the first falling leaf at the end of summer.''
What the fuck is going on? Are you a poet now?
''*Sigh*Like fucking a mature woman after a year of lolis.''
''Damn plebs without a sense for art.''
Slow, lazy steps resound from outside the door. They make their way inside the classroom, sluggishness practically hearable.
"Euh... so... I will be... euh... your new teacher... yeah..." (Commentator)
"COMMENTATOR?!" (Lydia)
"... kinda... I guess..." (Commentator)
He wears his usual black sweatpants and black sweater, not even showing a slight interestin his image... as always.
"Oh my god. Your sudden disappearance didn''t hint at all that you would return. That''s such a surprise to me." (Me)
"Euh... I''m going to be your... homeroom teacher... My name is... euh... call me Commentator..." (Commentator)
"Really? That''s the best you can come up with?" (Me)
"I don''t even... have a will to... euh... live." (Commentator)
"That''s not a good comeback." (Me)
"I don''t think that was a comeback, but rather a statement." (Lydia)
"Whyat is wryang with thyat myan? Maybe he nyads a cuddle?" (Belka)
"No he doesn''t Belka. He will be dead before you can cuddle him. I guarantee it." (Me)
"WHYAT? WHYYY?" (Belka)
"Because anyone who gets cuddles by you, except for me, dies miraculously." (Me)
Didn''t that sentence resemble your sister, master?
''Kinda.''
"So... yeah... self study for now..." (Commentator)
"Perfect. I have something to talk to you about." (Me)
"I said self study. Not "talk with me if you want to"." (Commentator)
"Oh my, what a shame. I guess I''ll just have to sit down again..." (Me)
I teleport in front of him.
"What? Why am I here suddenly?!" (Me)
"Euh... you teleported..." (Commentator)
He stands up from the chair he just sat on a second ago, and goes outside the room.
I glimpse at my own harem and see how they already started to talk with each other. Some are arguing (Aline, who just woke up again, and Janna), and some just get weirded out by each other (mainly because of Estelle).
I teleport outside the classroom.
"Euh... so... yeah... what do you want?" (Commentator)
"Just wanted to ask why you''re here, although I can already guess why." (Me)
"Euh... go on..." (Commentator)
"Because a prince died indirectly because of me, the royal family now wnats to observe me closer. That''s why they sent you, another prince, to watch me and uner circumstances apprehend me." (Me)
"Euh... yep." (Commentator)
"Then you can fuck right off again. I don''t need someone to watch me." (Me)
"Euh... but there''s... euh... actually something I want to propose..." (Commentator)
I raise my eyebrow at that, since it''s one of the first times that I see the Commentator continue a conversation actively.
"And what''s that?" (Me)
"I wanna help you in destroying the royal family..." (Commentator)
"Requirements are: 1. A magic circle on one of your body parts, which hinders you from betraying me. 2. An ability which I can profit from, and thirdly a reason." (Me)
"Euh... for the first... sure. For the second... euh... I can erase magic... and... euh... for the third... euh..." (Commentator)
He stops for a few seconds.
"Euh... I can tell you about the organizations plans, which attacked Miss Kwas''s mansion." (Commentator)
"You passed. And now, spit it out. I have a feeling that it won''t be long before I meet them... what the fuck is this?" (Me)
DEATH FLAG ALERT!!!
*Glow*
Under me suddenly appears a magic circle, which is at a pretty high level. If it were me 4 months ago, I couldn''t even understand it.
"Euh... do you... need help?" (Commentator)
"What? Oh no, thanks. This is just a magic circle of the transportation kind. I''m certain that I can deal with everything that wants to summon me in such a roundabout way and isn''t confident enough to justwaltz in here." (Me)
The glowing increases and soon becomes blindingly flashy.
"Oh, but you can do me one favor." (Me)
He looks at me with dead eyes, not saying anything.
"Tell my girls that I''ll be back by dinner." (Me)
"Euh... sure..." (Commentator)
The glowing fills the entire room, and then I lose consciousness.
''Man, this losing consciousness is really annoying... maybe I should carve a magic circle against that?''
But this state of unconsciousness only lasts for a short time.
I open my eyes and then-
"Welcome! Oh Heroes!" (???)
"This is gonna be fucking great." (Me)
How to blackmail an entire kingdom in about 20 minutes
"Welcome! Oh Heroes!" (???)
"This is gonna be fucking great." (Me)
The dustcloud disperses and an arena consisting of stone gets visible. It seems to hang over a giant hole, connected to the walls by multiple stone pillars.
Through the dustcloud also appears a girl in a white, wide dress. Her blonde hair looks like golden silk with deep, blue eyes. She stands at about 1.70 meters, so she''s only a little bit smaller than me, but her proportions make up for it. A perfect hourglass figure, which is still visible through her dress.
''How the fuck does she have such a figure even though she''s about as old as me?!''
"Heroes, I hath called thou hither, through dimensions, for one thing only! Thou shalt save this world from the imminent danger which will fall upo-" (Princess)
"Yeah, yeah, I know the gist already. Immininent doom, I am the chosen one and will save this world from the demon king. Listen, I think left the stove on. I''ll be right back." (Me)
I teleport to the ceiling and stand on top of a mana platform to observe my surroundings.
''1, 2, 3, 4... should be about 15 guards. Yep, none of them is even close to being a threat to me, except of the guy who seems to be the captain. He''s about as strong as Aline... or rather Belka... maybe.''
I flick my fingers once more and reappear in front of the princess.
"I''m back." (Me)
The princess looks at me with a dumbfounded expression, not fitting her title at all. So are the other knights.
"May I ask what you did just now?" (Captain)
"Nope." (Me)
Silence takes over the crowd.
"Man, y''all can at least prepare a topic to talk about when you summon someone. This is just getting awkward..." (Me)
Still silence.
"Gotta do it myself then...Oh my god, where am I? This is not the place I was at just nooooow." (Me)
You''re still gonna ask that, even though you know it already?
''If we have another clich development, then you''ve gotta do it right.''
The princess snaps out of it and scans me from head to toe.
"Ah, yes. We have summoned thee, for you will save our world-" (Princess)
"Yeah, I already summarized that part. Immininent doom, I am the chosen one and will save this world from the demon king. Why don''t we skip that and start right off with introductions?"
Once more, the princess seems to be stunned at my sudden rudeness.
''I love being the asshole.''
"Alright, I think I have to start this then." (Me)
I bow deeply.
"I am Yu Krifta, and I''ll be your worst nightmare for the duration of my stay." (Me)
"Huh?!" (All of those fuckers)
"Come on, what kind of fucked up idea is that?! Taking someone from his peaceful home and then pushing him into the role of a hero?! That''s kidnapping, you know? Y''all need to learn some manners..." (Me)
Y''ALL NEED JESUS!
The captain is the first one to realize what is going on and immediately pulls out his sword.
"And I''ll be the one graceful enough to teach you some." (Me)
He seems to activate some kind of magic, since his sword begins to emit light like a fucking tesla coil, but that doesn''t last for long.
"Sit." (Me)
I let my mana seep out into the environment, creating artificial pressure on all of them, to which they all need to kneel.
"Good boy. And also, you shouldn''t use lightning against me." (Me)
I enhance my legs with my magic, and kick him right into a wall.
"WHA-" (Princess)
Once I blew some dust from my shoulder, I lessen the mana pressure, so the guy in the back could stop crying at least.
"Now then!" (Me)If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.
A few sheets of paper appear from my inventory.
"Let''s start with a few magic circles, shall we?" (Me)
"And done! These sheets can''t be taken off by any person other than me and force you to obey me under any circumstances." (Me)
This time, I let my mana completely disperse, which makes the pressure go with it.
The guards and the princess stand up again, wobbly. Their faces show fear and anger directed at me.
"Why are you doing this?!" (Princess)
"A bit more polite, please." (Me)
"May I ask, why you have done such deed?" (Princess)
She looks surprised at her own sudden change in behaviour.
"Works perfectly, eh? Well then, to answer your question: Of course it''s because I''m scared!" (Me)
"S- Scared?" (Princess)
"I was suddenly brought to another world! Unknown people! An unknown kingdom! Of course I''m scared! My first reaction would then be to seize control of the situation!" (Me)
"I- If you''re so scared, then I can assure you, that we-" (Princess)
"Does the concept of sarcasm not exist in this world? OF COURSE I''M NOT FUCKING SCARED! I JUST KICKED YOUR STRONGEST MAN INTO THE NEXT FUCKING WALL!" (Me)
"So you really are evil! What do you want to do now?! Are you going to blackmail the king with his own daughter?! Are you going to join the evil forces?!" (Princess)
"What? No, I''m gonna fuck that demon king up." (Me)
''Except if my encounter luck triggers again...''
"Huh?!" (All of them)
"Listen. I never wanted to hurt you guys in any way-" (Me)
The princess points directly at the guy stuck in the wall.
"-well, except that guy. He pointed his sword at me, so there''s nothing that can be done about that." (Me)
"What is your plan then?! Why did you enslave us?!" (Princess)
"My plan is to fuck those evil forces up." (Me)
"AND MAY I ASK WHY YOU ENSLAVED US?!" (Princess)
"First: That''s only temporary. I didn''t carve those magic circles directly into your body, so be grateful. Second: Why wouldn''t I want the princess of a whole kingdom as a slave?" (Me)
Slience... again.
"Y''all need to step up with your conversation skills, cause silence is not a very good answer." (Me)
"A- And what are you planning on doing with us now?" (Me)
"You crying bitch over there!" (Me)
I point at the guy who cried when I applied the artficial mana pressure on everyone.
"Huh?! Me?! I DIDN''T CRY!" (Guard in the back who cried like a little bitch)
"Yes, you fucking did. John beside you saw it too." (Me)
"I kinda did." (The fuck? Is his name really John?)
"You go and call the king over. It''s rude to have guests without greeting them personally." (Me)
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO-" (Guard in the back who cried like a little bitch)
"Find a way. And you, princess, will meanwhile tell me about all the bad things which seem to threaten your world." (Me)
"DON''T CALL ME PRINCESS ALL THE TIME! MY NAME IS-" (Princess)
"Don''t care. I don''t like you enough for you to be part of my harem. So? About the evil stuff?" (Me)
"Uuuuhhhh... fine!" (Princess)
The weeping bitch leaves the room to get the king and the princess starts to tell the story, which she seemingly already had prepared beforehand-
"What threatens us is an evil, which targets many worlds. It exists since-" (Princess)
-but fuck that, I already know all that.
"Yeah, yeah. It exists already for a thousand years. It''s demons who threaten to eradicate all life and their leader is the demon king. Is there anything special about this story?" (Me)
"What? Demon king? No no no, the demon king was already defeated a few thousand years ago." (Princess)
"..." (Me)
HA! YOU STUPID FUCK! TRYING TO ACT ALL COOL BY PREDICTING SHIT, AND NOW IT''S NOT EVEN RIGHT!
''I will fucking eat our children, Screeny.''
*Your
''Nope.OUR!''
WHAT THE FUCK?!
"The threat, which is right now the case, is a certain organization. It seems to attack many worlds simultaneously in pursuit of their ressources and potential slaves." (Princess)
''Ohohohoho,I know where this leads to.''
"And let me guess, they also sometimes kidnap noble children for ransom or make them slaves, right?" (Me)
"Yes, but how did you know? Did you already encounter them?" (Princess)
"You could say that. And by the way, is the demon king really dead already?" (Me)
"There are rumours about his descendants, but they''re after all just rumours. Why?" (Princess)
''Cause I wanna fuck a demon.''
"They might prove to be good allies." (Me)
*BANG!*
The door suddenly opens with extreme force.
"WHERE ARE THE WEREWOLVES FUCKING?!" (???)
"FATHER! PLEASE! NOT IN FRONT OF THE HERO!" (Princess)
"YOUR FATHER IS A FUCKING FURRY?! WHY IS EVERY SINGLE ADULT, WHO BELONGS TO NOBILITY, FUCKED IN THE HEAD?!" (Me)
In another dimension.
"YES! HARDER, MASTER!" (Former royal guard captain of a certain kingdom, who''s also MC''s father)
"I WILL RAM YOUR ASS LIKE THE TITANIC!" (A certain mother, who once belonged to the strongest in the royal military)
At another place in that same dimension.
"These corpses are already rock-hard, since rigor mortis occured. I wonder what I can do with them, fufu." (A certain big tittied noble woman, who appeared a few chapters ago)
"Madam, please restrain yourself while guests are over." (Butler)
Back to our MC.
''YES, I''M LOOKING AT YOU GUYS!''
But isn''t liking catgirls also borderline furry?
''How fucking dare you.''
The king, who just now kicked the door open, looks around the room with expectation written on his face, only to see us and be disappointed.
"*Cough*Welcome, oh Hero, to our kingdom. I wish you a nice stay." (King)
He turns around to go away.
"I want your countries treasure, or else you won''t be seeing your daughter ever again." (Me)
"Huh?" (King)
Once more, he turns around and looks at me with an aghast look on his face.
"Countries treasure? How did you know?!" (King)
"Every country has them. And since it''s such a great opportunity right now, I want yours." (Me)
"I KNEW IT! YOU REALLY WANTED TO USE ME TO BLACKMAIL THE KINGDOM!" (Princess)
"I only refuted the part where you said that I wouldn''t help y''all. I never said anything about the blackmailing." (Me)
The king''s expression becomes even more panicky, when he heard his own daughter talk about the blackmailing.
"I WILL NEVER SURRENDER OUR COUNTRIES MOST IMPORTANT THING TO A THUG LIKE YOU!" (King)
"Say bye bye, princess." (Me)
"WHAT?! WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?!" (Princess)
"To a certain other world." (Me)
*Clap!*
A magic circle, similar to the one which summoned me to this world, appears suddenly on the floor.
And activates.
"FATHER!" (Princess)
The world turns black for both of us.
Princess P.o.V
''What happened?''
My head still groggy from the sudden kidnapping, I stand up from the hard, wooden floor.
"Yu? Did you kidnap another girl?" (???)
"W- WHO WOULD CARE IF YOU BROUGHT BACK ANOTHER GIRL! I WOULDN''T!" (???)
"Anyather friend!" (???)
"Tch. Another enemy appeared." (???)
"Huh?" (Me)
"Shit, I need to know your name after all. Princess, introduce yourself to my little group." (Yu, the villain)
"HUH?!" (Me)
"Didn''t you say that often enough today? Say your damn name." (Yu, the villain)
"Why do I not understand anything of what the others are saying?" (Me)
"...Oh... lol." (Yu, the villain)
TRASH and TRASH
Yu P.o.V
"Why do I not understand anything of what the others are saying?" (Princess)
"...Oh... lol." (Me)
''There still was something like "Perfect language comprehension, wasn''t there?''
My harem looks confused at the princess'' words.
"Would you answer my question?!" (Princess)
"Weird that I didn''t think about it, but you are from another world. No wonder that you don''t understand them..." (Me)
Her frustrated expression slowly changes to slightly bitter.
"YOU FUCKING RETARD! FIRST YOU KIDNAPPED ME HERE, AND THEN YOU EVEN MADE SUCH A CRUCIAL FUCKING MISTAKE?! ARE YOU ACTUALLY-" (Princess)
''That''s not "slightly bitter", narrator.''
Slightly bitter.
"Alright, time out." (Me)
I twist my wrist, which makes 2 warpholes appear under- and above her, through which she falls infinitely.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" (Princess)
At the resounding screams, Lydia seemingly rejoices.
"Is she the punching bag now?!" (Lydia)
"Nope, she just needs a little time out. I would never desert you, my dear Lydia." (Me)
"Wait, does that mean you would leave me, if I wasn''t your punching bag?" (Lydia)
"Moving on." (Me)
"Excuse me, but why exactly am I not the punching bag?" (Estelle)
"Because I won''t let him touch your filthy body. I''ll protect him at all cost, so I won''t let him be defiled by something like you." (Janna)
''Aaaww... she''s protecting me from the kinky masochist...''
That''s cute and all, but the little princess is still falling
''Yep, and that gave me more than enough time to think about what I should do now.''
"AAAAAHHHHH!" (Princess)
Once more, I clap and another magic circle appears on the floor, drawn by me in the blink of an eye with "Lightning step" activated.
"Well then, girls. I''m sorry to leave so shortly after I came back, but I''ll be sure to be back by dinner. Except of you, Janna. Sine you''re such a good girl, who wants to protect her big brother, you''ll be coming with me." (Me)
"YES!" (Janna)
From the corner of my eye, I see Aline jerking her head around between me and Janna.
"B-But I want to protect you to-" (Aline)
But she once more stops herself.
"W- WHO WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND PROTECT YOU AND HAVE FUN TIMES TOGETHER?! I WOULDN''T! I MOST CERTAINLY WOULDN''T!" (Aline)
''God, it hurts my heart not to take her with me now, but she''s just way too nice for what we''re about to do...''
"Yeah, I''ll be sure to spend some time with you when I come back, alright?" (Me)
Aline averts my gaze, blushing.
"... *Nod*." (Aline)
Your face tells me, that you can''t wait for the 2 years to pass by, so you can finally have some fun.
''GOD, I HATE MY SHOTA COMPLEXES!''
I slow the fall of the princess with pure mana and land her safely inside the magic circle. Janna enters it with me as well and I channel mana through it, which makes us appear back in the other world''s arena-
"WHAT''S POPPIN, NEW WORLD?" (Me)
You can''t just take the title of an earlier chapter and recycle it.
-only to see the king about to fuck a cat.
"I''ll eat that pussy like I ate your mother last night." (King)If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
''Okay, that''s just fucked up.''
"Fuck, I''ve been gone for like 5 minutes, and you''re about to fuck a cat. You even forgot about your own daughter being kidnapped!" (Me)
"Yu? What is he doing with that cat?" (Janna)
"You don''t need to know that, Janna." (Me)
The king notices us and tries and hide the cat behind his back.
"Y- YOU VILLAIN! SO YOU CAME BACK?! GUAR-" (King)
Suddenly, Janna appears behind him and puts a knife at his throat.
"What did you just say to the love of my life?! Did you just say he''s a villain?! Do you want your throat slit?! Are you asking for it?!" (Janna)
''And that''s exactly why I brought Janna along.''
Why don''t you just do it yourself?
''You know that I''m against violence.''
You carved a magic circle into someone''s eye, with a knife, because you didn''t like him.
"Now then king. Do you want to give us the artifact now?" (Me)
Ignoring me, eh?
"FATHER! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW, YOU VILLAIN!" (Princess)
From the top of my shoudler, where I''m carrying her, the princess starts to spout various curses at me again.
"So another one wants to die, huh?! I really have a lot to do today..." (Janna)
"No, wait Janna. Before you kill him, I need to know where he keeps his treasures." (Me)
She puts her hand on top of the king''s head and a bright light shines for a brief second.
"Done. Can I do it now?" (Janna)
"Wait... did you just read his mind?" (Me)
"Yes." (Janna)
"And how?" (Me)
She thinks about it for a second, before answering like it''s natural.
"With the power of love?" (Janna)
"I''m so glad that I took you with me. You just spared me some ugly torture." (Me)
Yeah, sure author. Just try to procrastinate the explanation to a later date.
(Author''s note: Fuck you. You''re just something written by me. You can''t do anything against my procrastination.)
Excuse me, while I have an existential crisis in the corner.
(Author''s note: Me: 1; Fictional character, whom I thought up myself: 0)
"And? What is the treasure?" (Me)
"It''s a book." (Janna)
"... A book?" (Me)
"A book." (Janna)
''Screeny? There are no skill books in this world, right?''
This is not an RPG you fucking donut.
''FUCK!''
"And what''s the book about?" (Me)
"He doesn''t know." (Me)
I look at the king, who is still frightened by the knife at his throat.
"Really?" (Me)
"I- It''s not my fault! It''s written in an ancient language! T- The w- way to read it h- has long b- been lost!" (King)
"Oh, if it''s only an unknown language, then I can fix that. Janna, where is it?" (Me)
"Euh..." (Janna)
She starts thinking about it really hard.
"Dear? Do you know something about an organization, which threatens multiple worlds?" (Janna)
"He sold it, didn''t he?" (Me)
She nods.
"Really?" (Me)
"T- They threatened me too!" (King)
The knife comes closer to his throat, until the point of blood dripping from it.
"Don''t lie to him." (Janna)
"Yes, I''m sorry. I sold the book for special animal hookers, which only they had." (King)
"Okay... wait... WHAT ARE ANIMAL HOOKERS?!" (Me)
Do you seriously want to know that?
''YES?!''
"FATHER?! YOU SOLD THE BOOK OF OUR ANCESTORS?!" (Princess)
"YOU MUSTN''T QUESTION THE KING, DAUGHTER!" (King)
*Slap!*
I slap a sheet of paper, with a magic circle written on it, on the king''s head.
"Well, since you''re not able to do anything right now, let''s punish you." (Me)
"PUNISH FOR WHAT?!" (King)
"For wha- YOU FUCKING SUMMONED ME HERE, IN PURSUIT OF ME FIGHTING A HUGE ORGANIZATION AND THEN SOLD THE ONE THING, WHICH COULD''VE APPEASED ME! AND NOW YOU''RE ASKING WHAT I SHOULD PUNISH YOU FOR?!" (Me)
"Fair enough." (King)
''At least he''s a bit reasonable.''
"Let me think... your punishment will be..." (Me)
"Can''t we just kill him? I''d be glad to do it if you ask me to." (Janna)
''I kinda don''t want her to sully her hands yet...''
"There''s no need to dirty your beautiful hands with his perverted blood, my dear sister. His punishment will be-" (Me)
''Fuck, I need to improvise, or else this sentence won''t look nearly as cool as it should be.''
"-to stay here. Exactly on this spot where you are right now. If you move away from here, then you...fuck do I care... won''t be able to get it up anymore..." (Me)
"Get what up exactly?" (King)
"Move and find out." (Me)
Terror spreads on his face like a wildfire.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST COMMAND MY FATHER TO DO?! I WILL LET YOU BE BEHEADED!" (Princess)
"I literally kicked your strongest captain into oblivion, without even breaking a sweat. Who the fuck do you think you are?" (Me)
In the next second, the princess disappears from my shoulder.
"Don''t worry my dear. I''ll just bring out the trash for a second." (Janna)
"Wait, before you do that, can you read her mind as well? I still need more information about that evil organization." (Me)
"Yes! Your wish is my command, dear!" (Janna)
''Ohohoho, don''t say that, or else you''ll make this old man excited.''
She puts her hand once more on the princess''s head, reading her mind, only to take the princess outside of the castle.
"Don''t kill her!" (Me)
"As you wish, dear!" (Janna)
After 15 minutes of muffled screams... and moans-
''Why exactly moans?!''
-Janna comes back.
"Trash should knows it''s place..."(Janna)
"Alright, Janna, I need a crashcourse on the evil organization." (Me)
She wipes the blood off her hand and immediately starts smiling again.
"With pleasure, love! The organization plans to get enough power to make the boss break through as a celestial being, by colecting ressources which may help him in getting stronger. So it basically revolves completely around him...just like I do with you, hehehe." (Janna)
"I heard, my dear little sister." (Me)
"Oh my, how embarassing..." (Janna)
She isn''t embarassed at all.
"They have multiple branches, scattered around different worlds. How many is still unknown, but one of which is guarenteed to be located on this world." (Janna)
"Good, then I''ll at least have the chance to connect to the different branches with a magic circle." (Me)
*Puts on fake surprised voice* Oh golly, what could you mean by that?
''You''re a screen. You don''t have a voice.''
Just answer the fucking question.
''To put it simply, right now I still need something from the world I want to teleport to, since I don''t really have an idea what to fill the magic circle with otherwise. Each world has it''s own pattern I need to draw, and only by getting a clue on the frequency of the world-''
That''s not simple.
''I can''t fucking teleport to a different fucking world, if I don''t even know how to teleport to it.''
Makes sense.
''But something from the different world, gives me the chance to do that, since it has remaining traces of it.''
Gotcha.
"Now then, Janna, want to take on a nearly celestial being with me?" (Me)
"I''d be glad to." (Janna)
I take her hand and we make our way outside of the castle. A new adventure awaiting us.
The king? Legends say, that he stayed there until his death, still afraid of impotence.
How to take over an entire guild in about 20 minutes
"HALT! IN THE NAME OF THE JARL-" (Now dead guard)
"KEEP YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM HIM!" (Janna)
"Huh, seems like I forgot that, on our way outside, there would still be guards..." (Me)
Wait, what was he about to say?
Janna kicks the guard to the ground with incredible strength. The ground under him cracks and he loses consciousness.
"To be honest, Janna, I don''t really want to fight all these guards, so come here for a bit." (Me)
"Yes!" (Janna)
I pick Janna up in a princess car-
"OH MY GOD, YES! I''VE WAITED FOR THIS FOR SO LONG! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!" (Janna)
-ry, and activate "Lightning steps" to run outside of the castle, faster than anyone could catch us... but not before robbing their treasury.
''Who am I to let such a precious thing slip by?''
And for your information, there was only gold and shit in there. No weapons I can use, or badass artifacts. Just a bunch of money ad fucked up bestiality porn... a lot of the last one... a huge load of that.
''Fuck, that was a lot of bestiality porn...''
But you still took it all, you sick fuck.
''EXCUSE ME, BUT SINCE YOU''RE NOT SHOWING ME ANYMORE OF THE GOOD SHIT, I CAN''T FUCKING WANK OFF ANYMORE! I ALSO HAVE NEEDS!''
DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP YOUR FETISHES ARE?! EVEN I DON''T WANT TO SEE YOU JERK OFF TO THEM!
''OH, AND THE SHIT ABOUT THE ROBOT TENTACLES, RAPING THE ROBOT SCHOOLG-''
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!
''YOUR BROWSER HISTORY!''
MY ABILITY TO SHOW YOU IMAGES AND VIDEOS IS NOT A FUCKING BROWSER!
''What have I been looking at?''
Excuse me, master? I''m afraid to say, that I don''t quite understand what is going on here?
''Oh, chicken. Haven''t heard of you for quite some while.''
Yes, it seems like materializing still takes a lot of strength, so I have been sleeping since the tournament.
''That was literally 2 months ago.''
I''m a deep sleeper, master.
I run to the next exit. As I kick the door open, with Janna still in my arms, a bright world greets me. In the distance, a huge market place is visible with crowds of people bustling around.
"NEW WORLD! EXPECT YOUR NEW KING!" (Me)
"AND QUEEN!" (Janna)
"YES! AND QUEEN!" (Me)
"Shut up, you lunatics!" (Guy in the distance... aaaaand now he''s dead)
Just as I wanted to bathe in the glory of the new town, the chase of the guards continues.
"STOP! YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW!" (Guard)
I know these guards.
''Fuck, I''m really too tired to fight right now. I literally sent about 30 of them flying. Aren''t they getting tired of dying?''
"Now Janna, hold on to me tightly. I''m gonna jump really far and really fast now." (Me)
"You don''t have to tell me twice." (Janna)
Jumping over the rooftops, I soon shake off all the guards and get to have some peace and quite.
"Janna, take these. We may or may not be wanted in this whole town, so they may prove useful." (Me)
I hand Janna a mask, which covers her eyes, like a ball mask.
"Yes!" (Janna)
I put on the mask as well and let mana go through it. I sense my whole face changing it''s form, until I end up with gray hair and a new face structure.
Gray hair? Really? Why don''t you just write "Chuunibyou" on your face? I bet that would work just as good.
''Fuck you, it''s cool as shit.''
"Now, I guess it''s over with fun times and we have to chase those bad guys down, eh?" (Me)
I let Janna down jump off the rooftop, in search of one particular kind of person.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
"Dear? Who are you looking for?" (Janna)
"You don''t know where the organisation''s headquarter''s are located in this world, right?" (Me)
"I''m ashamed to say, that I really don''t, love." (Janna)
"And that''s why I ran here." (Me)
I look around the alley way. Dark as shit and smells just like it is dark.
"Where is this?" (Janna)
"Well, let me tell you, my dear sister. I didn''t just run off to a random direction. We''re actually at the slums of this town right now." (Me)
How did you know where they''re at?
''I''m the son of the Omni-God, that''s why.''
What?!
''By God, I''m fucking joking. There was a map in the treasury.''
In another realm.
"HOLY FUCK, THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME JUST NOW!" (God)
(Author''s note: Gotcha, lolololololol.)
Back to our MC.
"And why are we at the slums?" (Janna)
Jann tilts her cute face to the side, naivety written on her face.
"Kukukuku, how are ya brats doing?" (Yankee)
Suddenly, out of a dark alley, 4 guys appear, each of them dirtier than the other.
"To meet those guys." (Me)
Janna stops for a second, her thought process as clear as water, until she gets it and turns to me, with her beautiful, purple eyes shining at me.
"We''re going to torture the information out of them, aren''t we?!" (Janna)
"Bingo!" (Me)
''I love her purity.''
"Wha''? Torture''s?! KYAHAHAHAHAHA! Y'' GUYS''RE CRAZY!" (Yankee #2)
"YOU BRATS WANNA THROW SUM HANDS?!" (Yankee #3)
"YOU ASSHOLES WANNA THROW SUM KNIVES?!" (Me)
I throw my knives at the feet of the hobo''s and do the same with their hands, until they''re pinned to the floor with all of their limbs. And then I embedd lightning into the knives.
"AAAHHHH FOCK! MAH HANDS!" MAH FOCKIN FEET! YA BLOODY WANK-STAIN! AH SWEAR TO GOD, I''LL SHANK THA SHEET OUTTA YA!" (Yankee #4)
*BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM!*
Janna steps on the kinves inside of the hoodlum, so they embedd themselves even deeper.
"No, no, no, no. You mustn''t talk with him like that, or else bad stuff happens." (Janna)
"AAAAAHHHH FOCK!" (Yankee #4)
"Now, I bet y''all guys know about a certain crime organisation, which is kidnapping noble people and stealing shit, right?" (Me)
2 of the 4 guys are crying on the floor, not able to say a word, except for useless gibberish, while the fourth one is cursing like a real scottish man would do. That just leaves Yankee #3.
"I DON''T KNOW ANYTHING! I SWEAR!" (Yankee #3)
"Janna, if you would?" (Me)
"Gladly!" (Janna)
She once again puts her hand on his head, and a brilliant light shines through the dark alley.
Wait, doesn''t that mean that the torture was unnecessary?
''Huh...''
You''re not even gonna deny it?
Master surely had a reason for it.
''Yep...''
Master?
"So? Does he know where the headquarters are?" (Me)
"I''m afraid not, but I did get some useful information on who might know it!" (Janna)
I pat Janna''s head.
"Good girl." (Me)
"Yes!" (Janna)
After a cute little giggle from Janna''s side, she reveals the identity of the mysterious person.
"It''s this town''s guild master." (Janna)
"Continue?" (Me)
"He seems to be involved in a lot of underground activities, and is nearly the end boss of this town. He fought his way up to that position with pure strength, which shows how dangerous he might be." (Janna)
*Grin*
"So he fought his way up, eh?" (Me)
I put my finger to my chin, in an attempt to look like I''m thinking, even though I''ve already decided what I will do next.
"Janna? Do you want to take a little detour from fighting the nearly-celestial guy and become the bride of a guildmaster, who controls the underground?" (Me)
"I will become your bride, no matter what you are!" (Janna)
"Well then, come with me for a second, because it won''t take longer than an evening!" (Me)
After 15 minutes of going around the town (which is systemized pretty damn badly), we arrive at the adventurer''s guild.
''Huh, I thought it would be more impressive.''
In front of us is a building, about average in size. It looks more like a saloon, than anything, but has a huge bell on top of it. Probably to ring alarm in case of an emergency.
I kick the swinging doors open, the smell of tobacco and alcohol jumping right at me.
Is opening doors with your hands so difficult for you?
The gaze of every single tough-looking adventurer falls on me, most of them sneering while they''re at it.
"''Sup guys? Who''s the main-bitch of your bunch?" (Me)
The whole saloon goes quiet.
*Bam!*
With a loud sound, a burly guy stands up with his whole heavy plate armor equipped.
"Oi, boy. You''d do good to get the fuck outta here, or el-" (Burly guy)
"Yeah, we already know where this is going." (Me)
Letting my pure mana seep out into the environment, mana pressure accumulates until that guy lies down like the little bitch he is. A puddle of piss slowly spreading under him.
"Come on, you''re already pissing your pants after a twelth of my total mana?" (Me)
The rest of the men stand up. They pull their weapons out and approach me threatingly.
Until my mana hits them, and they piss their pants as well.
''Oh, not only piss.''
"Even more trash. Is this town full of trash?" (Janna)
"Don''t be so harsh with them, Janna." (Me)
"But they threatened you!" (Janna)
I walk over to the reception. A cute girl greets me, with tears in her eyes.
"Y-Yes-s, w- wha- what c- can-" (Girl at the reception)
"Alright, this is going nowhere. I just want to know where your guild master is at." (Me)
"U- Upst- stairs!" (Girl at the reception)
"Thanks, love!" (Me)
After holding Janna back from hurting the receptionist, I start to approach the stairs, searching for the guildmaster.
But it doesn''t seem like I need to search for him.
"WHAT''S THE FUCKING RUCKUS DOWN HERE, YOU BLOODY MAGGOTS?!" (???)
"Holy shit, you''re a huge guy." (Me)
The stairs he''s going down creak under his tremendous weight. He seems to be nearly 4 meters tall with a long, black beard and a fat belly protruding from his way too small armour.
"And you fucking reek." (Me)
"HUH?! YOU WANT A SPANKING KID?!" (Guildmaster)
"You want a diet?" (Me)
His brown head becomes red from rage.
"WHAT?!" (Guildmaster)
"You''re not only fat and smelly, but even dumb, huh? Must be pretty tough for ya..." (Me)
"I WILL MURDER YOU, YOU FUCKING SHRIMP!" (Guildmaster)
From his back, he takes out a huge cleaver, easily as tall as himself.
I sense mana coming from his hands and flowing through his huge sword.
"Damn, you''re stupid for picking that weapon. Bigger is not always better, you know?" (Me)
Suddenly the sword starts blazing with blue fire.
"THIS IS NOT THE END!" (Guildmaster)
The flow of mana changes over to his armour. Just like the sword, it starts to blaze with blue fire.
"HAHA! I WILL BURN YOUR CHEEKY ASS, KID!" (Guildmaster)
*BOOOM!*
And then his whole body sinks face-down, 5 meters into the floor.
"About an eigth of my total mana, eh?" (Me)
I look into the abyss his body created.
"Oooiii, are you still alive? I need you to sign some documents, so I can become the guildmaster!" (Me)
"*Groan* You fucking brat. I''ll kill you!" (Guildmaster)
"Can I finish him off?" (Janna)
"No, Janna. We still need him." (Me)
At the end of the evening and after a bit of torture, I became the new guildmaster of this town.
My first action as the new ruler, is, of course, to throw the dead body of the old one in the backyard and check out my new office.
"Sweet, he even has a leather armchair." (Me)
"Euh... dear?" (Janna)
I turn around and see Janna standing there, fidgeting and with a nervous look on her face.
"Yeah?" (Me)
"I... had another precognition." (Janna)
''She doesn''t really look happy about it.''
"I''m in danger again, right?" (Me)
"Dragons. A lot of them." (Janna)
*Sigh*
About Orcs and their kinks
*Sigh*
"Alright, details please." (Me)
"Yes... although I can''t tell you much. I was just able to see one picture of the future." (Janna)
''Fuck, it gets even worse. I can''t prepare for it as good then.''
"On that picture, I saw you riding a dragon across a red sky." (Janna)
"..." (Me)
''Holy shit, cross the "gets worse" part. That sounds awesome...''
"And there''s a pack of dragons following you." (Janna)
''AND IT GETS EVEN BETTER!''
"But..." (Janna)
At that point, she abruptly stops, her fists clenched until blood drips from them.
"There''s a catch?" (Me)
"I..." (Janna)
''She hesitates in telling me something, huh? This is a first...''
I take her hand in mine and let my healing powers do their work, so her wounds don''t leave any scars.
"Come on, don''t be afraid. I mean, I''m riding dragons in that picture against some poor soul. What should we be afraid of?" (Me)
"But... the poor soul... is me." (Janna)
"..." (Me)
At my silence, Janna suddenly paniks.
"Yu, I swear, I would never betray you! I would never let go of you again! Not after I gained another chance!" (Janna)
"Huh? No, wait, don''t get me wrong. I''m still kinda hung up on all the riding dragons and shit like that. About you being my enemy: Don''t worry about that. I''ll prepare for every sceanrio." (Me)
At my comforting words, she grabs her heart and calms down.
"Yu... I love you so much..." (Janna)
She look at me with hearts in her eyes, to which I pat her head with a smile.
"I know. Now go to bed already. It''s getting late. I''ll be coming soon. I just have to check some things." (Me)
"Yes! I''ll be waiting!" (Janna)
She hops happily out of the room. With every hop, the candlelight flickers, until she closes the door and they all go out.
Master, I''m sorry to interrupt, but what if she really betrays you?
''You think I didn''t take that into consideration already? I just told her that I would prepare for every situation, and by that I really mean every situation.''
Sorry that I had to say that, but there is always the possibility of it happening.
''No need to be. Not trusting anyone and not depending on anyone is always the right thing to do.''
Watch out, or else you''ll cut yourself with that edge.
''I already do.''
''Nothing.''
I start to search the whole room for documents and clues on where I can find the HQ of this world. After half an hour I find-
"JACKSHIT!" (Me)
-yeah, that.
"The fucking former guild master couldn''t even write for fucks sake. How am I supposed to find out anything from his left overs?!" (Me)
Every single drawer, closet and safe has been opened in this room. Nothing but fucked up porn about ogres and unicorns.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH THE WEIRD FETISHES OF THIS WORLD?!" (Me)
I flip the huge table in the middle of the room.
(Auhtor''s note: NOW! CLICK ON THE LINK IN THE PRE-CHAPTER AUTHOR NOTE! I don''t know myself why it works there, but not here. (??)ߩ)
"Huh... a secret passage under a table? Really? This is the most unoriginal idea ever." (Me)
We''re in an Isekai story. You can''t complain about THAT being unoriginal.This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
''That''s the author''s fault, not mine.''
(Author''s note: Fuck both of you, I''m not nearly creative enough to think of something original.)
I sense something grim from the dark passageway. Something very dark. Something-
"It''s more porn." (Me)
...really?
"Yeah. But this time it''s Orcs and fairies. But even more fucked up. You know what? At this point I''m not even surprised- okay, that Orc has fists as dicks. That''s enough for today." (Me)
The real question is, why you looked through that.
"Oh wait, there''s actually something useful in here." (Me)
I pick up a dusty book.
Wrong one.
"Fuck, it''s porn again." (Me)
I throw the dusty book away and pick up the right one.
"A fucking contact book, eh? Well, better than no- there''re 4 contacts totally... 4. This is getting more useless by the second!" (Me)
I glance at the contacts once.
"And they''re even 2 pairs of siblings... SECRETARY!" (Me)
A few seconds after I shouted, I hear hurried footsteps coming up the stairs. Closely after them, a secretary rushes through the door.
"*Pant*Yes? You*Pant* called?" (Secretary)
I throw the book at her from inside the tunnel.
"Kya!" (Secretary)
"Get those guys here tomorrow. Tell them that the Guild Master died and the spot is currently vacant." (Me)
"B- But aren''t you-" (Secretary)
"There is something, that''s called "Lies", dear. Look it up." (Me)
After nodding, like she took it seriously, she looks at the very first name of the list, and immediately falls into panic.
"B- BUT THESE ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN! H- HOW C- CAN-" (Secretary)
"Correct me if I''m wrong, but did that sound like a question just now?" (Me)
Her nervousness obviously intensifies.
"N- No, but they are most likely very-" (Secretary)
"Busy? If they get the chance to rule this town, they''ll come runnning like dogs in heat. Go." (Me)
"B- But I-" (Secretary)
"GO BEFORE I RAPE YOUR SKULL!" (Me)
"HIIIIIIII" (Secretary)
She turns around swiftly and runs away like her life depends on it.
What was that? That was just plain mean(һ_һ)
*Sigh*
''Don''t know either. Maybe the thing with Janna is tugging at me.''
Come to think about it. Isn''t she waiting for you?
"..." (Me)
...?
"I hope she didn''t kill anyone by now..." (Me)
I leave the dusty basement and first take a deep breath of fresh air. The dampness inside has been nearly unbearable.
''Now, to console Janna.''
I leave the Guildmaster''s room with a bit of anticipation in the back of my head, since I''m thinking on how to make up for making her wait so long.
Although I''m lookiing forward to it, the floors seem to stretch infinitely. Each step feeling heavier the nearer I come to our room.
''Fuck, am I really unconsciously trying to avoid her? Just because she could possibly betray me? I thought I was already over that a long time ago... what kind of pussy am I?''
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I arrive at our room. The wooden door looking at me threatingly. Every fiber of my body is refusing to still see someone who might damage my mental fortitude.
But even so, I open the door carefully with my right hand.
"Hey, Janna, sorry for being so la-" (Me)
And then I stop.
Janna lies on the bed in her white negligee, a few streaks of hair caress her beautiful face like they''re made out of silk. Her ever so naiveexpression looks even more relaxed now, like she doesn''t even care that she might be declared my enemy soon.
"Yu..." (Janna)
"She''s even sleeptalkling..." (Me)
"I want to suck your dick like a vacuum cleaner..." (Janna)
"..." (Me)
Give her the D
''It doesn''t work if you change the size of your fonts, Screeny. You are a fucking screen. You can''t say something quietly.''
Fuck you, I can.
I look at Janna once more. I notice her rythmic breath, her small stature and weird sleeping position.
Suddenly, from the bottom of my stomach, I feel heat rising up. It''s something I haven''t felt in a whole while. Something nearly forgotten.
''Seems like I need to take a shit.''
With a slight, genuine smile, I leave the room, the toilet my next destination.
"Gotta push this out of me again. Can''t have it stay for too long." (Me)
I think about Janna in her sleeping position for a little while.
"Guess I really gotta come up with something..." (Me)
And then I fell asleep... on the toilet.
The next morning.
"FUCK! MY LEGS ARE COMPLETELY NUMB! FUCK! I CAN''T FEEL EVEN A SINGLE DROP OF BLOOD IN THEM! FUCK!" (Me)
From outside of my throne room, I hear a nervous voice trying to reach me.
"E- Excuse me, S- Sir. I- I managed t- to-" (Secretary)
"I swear to Christ, your sentence take thrice as long as they normally would. What the fuck is wrong with you? SPEAK UP!" (Me)
"YES! YOUR GUESTS HAVE ARRIVED, SIR! I MANAGED TO GET THEM HERE ON SUCH A SHORT NOTICE!" (Secretary)
''The fuck? That was a quick change?''
"VERY WELL, CADET! YOU''RE DISMISSED! GET YOURSELF SOMETHING NICE! YOU''VE DONE A GREAT JOB!" (Me)
"YES, SIR!" (Secretary)
''Who am I to let such an opportunity pass by?''
This whole conversation took place through a toilet door.
*Toilet flushing*
''And I''m fucking proud of it.''
I open the door, but don''t get far. 2 identical, huge guys are blocking my way with 2 identical, little girls filling the gaps.
"Who-" (Huge guy #1)
"-are you?" (Huge guy #2)
"We want to-" (Little girl #1)
"-know too." (Little girl #2)
"Okay, first of all: Your way of talking is fucking creepy. This whole thing of finishing the sentences of your twins? Waaaay too old." (Me)
*Clap*
I teleport behind them.
"Secondly, you don''t block someone''s way on his way out of the toilet after spending LITERALLY his whole night there." (Me)
They turn around, surprised at my quick incantation.
"And thirdly, to answer your question,-" (Me)
I take one more deep breath, the smell of shit finally not burning my nose like it''s napalm.
"-I''m your pimp and y''all are my bitches." (Me)
The muscles of the two huge guys immediately inflate at my insult. Each vein is visible through their muscles, making them look more like a god damn highway, rather than the unwashed bodybuilders they are.
"You-" (Huge guy #1)
"-brat." (Huge guy #2)
"Do we really have to resort to violence?" (Me)
"We will-" (Little girl #1)
"-make you suffer." (Little girl #2)
Every single piece of furniture around them starts to float, as if they''ve been possessed by ghosts.
"Put them down, girls, those were expensive." (Me)
You didn''t buy them.
''And I don''t want to replace them.''
"We will-" (Little girl #1)
"-teach you manners." (Little girl #2)
"You will teach ME manners?! You two look like you were not even in pre-school yet!" (Me)
"Respect-" (Huge guy #1)
"-your elders." (Huge guy #2)
"Oh, you two were persons?! I thought you were some kind of portable street map, from your looks." (Me)
I sense bloodlust coming from both parties, every weapon in their arsenal directed at me.
''Provoking is getting too easy.''
Congratulations! You learned the skill "Provoke"!
Only a master of insulting and infuriating someone could possibly learn this skill. The possessor can truly be called a cunt.
Effect: Enrage opponents. Enraged opponents are more keen to attack you, and lose part of their reasoning.
Fyi, this is a real skill.
"Lol, I like it.''
My secret stash
With "Provoke" active, the two huge bulldozers rush towards me in an even simpler manner than they themselves already are.
''Do you think I would just let them?''
"Sit." (Me)
I imbue mana into my voice, making it reverberate through the whole guild with insurmountable dominance.
''Huh... I didn''t even know that''s possible. I wonder what else pure mana can be used for?''
The two bodybuilders trip over their own feet, making them slide directly in front of my feet where I pin them down with knives in every limb.
"AR-" (Huge guy #1)
"-GH!" (Huge guy #2)
"You''re even gonna split that between each other? That''s... kinda hilarious, to be honest." (Me)
While I''ve been dealing with the bulls in the front, the two lolis in the back finished their chanting.
"POISON-" (Little girl #1)
"-RAIN!" (Little girl #2)
I twist my wrist, creating a warphole in midair, which sends the acid to another place.
"There''s literally NO reason for you to shout that. You just told me what was coming, and that''s it." (Me)
"YOU-" (Little girl #1)
"-BLOODY ASSHOLE!" (Little girl #2)
"Girls your age shouldn''t use such words yet." (Me)
I prevent one of the girls from moving by putting her inside a space prison and send the other to me with a warphole.
"WHAT ARE-" (Little girl #1)
"-YOU DOING?!" (Little girl #2)
I bend her over my knee.
"STOP!" (Little girl #1)
I flip over her purple skirt.
"Oh, so now you don''t finish your sentences?" (Me)
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!" (Little girl #2)
"How about no?" (Me)
*SMACK!*
"OUCH!" (Little girl #1)
The slap resounds through the whole room. Her bottom under her white panties, which look really childish because of the bear sewed on it, turns a deep crimson.
"Bad girls need a spanking, don''t they?" (Me)
"I''M 36 YEARS OLD!" (Little girl #1)
*SMACK!*
"So what?" (Me)
THAT MAKES IT JUST BETTER!
i continue spanking her.
"STOP IT! LET HER GO!" (Little girl #2)
"What was that? You want to take her place?" (Me)
Her infuriated face changes to a blank one immediately.
"You know what? I think she fits rather good on your knee." (Little girl #2)
"YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!" (Little girl #1)
"Ah, love between siblings... I guess I have no choice but to spank both of you." (Me)
"WHAT?!" (Little girl #2)
"HA!" (Little girl #1)
''They''re actually pretty childish for their age, eh?''
I teleport the other one on my other knee and continue with the spanking. Each slap is followed by an outcry, while the two huge guys lie there in silence... with their hands and feet still pierced.
"STOP RIDI-" (Little firl #1)
"-CULING US!" (Little girl #2)
"Ridiculing? I''m not ridiculing you. This is more like a show of dominance." (Me)
"THIS IS NOT DOMINANCE!" (Little girl #1)
"THIS IS PATHETIC!" (Little girl #1)
*Sigh*
"Pathetic, eh? Alright then... I didn''t want to do this, but I guess you''re forcing me to." (Me)
I let both of them float in the air inside of a space prison, and do the same to the other two guys on the floor.
"LET''S RESORT TO REAL VIOLENCE THEN, SHALL WE?!" (Me)This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
I spread their limbs apart with magic, making them form an "X" with their body, while creating lightning spears directly in front of their eyes, hearts, and stomaches.
"It''s over with fun and games. My little sister is probably gonna wake up soon, and I want to have some nice breakfast with her, so decide quickly." (Me)
I let the spears of pure lightning come nearer to their bodies.
"Either you obey me, like the weak ants that you are, or you die. It''s that simple." (Me)
"Euh... we''d rather-" (Huge guy #1)
"-obey you." (Huge guy #2)
I look over to the two tiny girl in purple.
"We will-" (Little girl #1)
"...obey too..." (Little girl #2)
*CLAP!*
Every spell I used, disappears suddenly. The crackling of the lightning spears stops and the twins drop on the floor.
"Nice. Well then, care to join us for breakfast?" (Me)
"HUH?!" (All of them)
"Come on, don''t be surprised about something like that. I spanked you little girls and made the two bulldozers trip with my voice. You should have a general idea of me." (Me)
Silence.
"I do whatever the fuck I want. That''s it. And now, come and eat with us, I still have something to talk with you guys about." (Me)
I seep some healing magic into the wounds of those guys and turn around, Janna already standing on the stairs.
"Good morning, dear!" (Janna)
"Morning, love. Come down, we''re having breakfast." (Me)
"Yes!" (Janna)
She jumps down the staircase, visibly happy that we get to eat together after such a long time.
But stops at the sight of the two little girls.
"Dear? Who are they?" (Janna)
"Business partners. That''s it." (Me)
"WHO WOULD SPANK BUSI-" (Little girl #1)
*CLAP!*
I teleport behind her and come really close to her ear.
"You''d do good not to finish that sentence, or else you''re... well... dead." (Me)
*CLAP!*
I teleport back.
"SECRETARY! BRING US FOOD!" (Me)
From behind the counter, I hear a sudden shout.
"YES, SIR!" (Secretary)
''I like her new attitude. It''s way easier to work with.''
"Wait, what was the little girl about to say?" (Janna)
"SHE WAS ABOUT TO SAY, THAT HE SPAN-" (Little girl #2)
*CLAP!*
"Do you want to fucking die?" (Me)
*CLAP!*
"Dear?" (Janna)
I pull back a chair and signal Janna to sit on it.
"It''s nothing, trust me. And you guys over there, get over here." (Me)
With confused expressions, they take their places at our table.
For a little while, silence prevails between us, with Janna gawking at me without a care in the world.
"What a gentleman my future husband is. He pulled the chair for me and even prepared breakfast for us." (Janna)
''Fuck yeah, I''m a gentleman.''
You just pulled the chair for her to silence her, and it''s not you who''s preparing breakfast, but the cute counter girl.
''Who I am commanding.''
Wow
"Since this is getting awkward, let''s start with small talk! A first good step is always introductions!" (Me)
Their confused expressions get even more perplexed at my sudden proposition.
The last time you started with introductions, they lost most of their guards, the princess got tortured and the king nearly became impotent.
''Introductions are always nice, aren''t they?''
"My name is Yu Krifta, and this is my sister, Janna." (Me)
"Wait, hasn''t she been calling-" (Little girl #1)
"-you "dear" and "Future husband"?" (Little girl #2)
"So what?" (Me)
Janna''s neck snaps from gazing at me, to threatingly stalking the little girls.
"Got a problem with that?" (Janna)
"No, we-" (Little girl #1)
"-are sorry." (Little girl #2)
CALL THE EXORCIST!
''She''s not a demon... She''s just possessed by... love?''
So there was a demon called "Love"? You just taught the Akashic Record something new.
''The more you know, bitch.''
"And you are?" (Me)
The twins look at each other for a second, seemingly asking who should go first.
"We are-" (Huge guy #1)
"Po and Bo!" (Huge guy #2)
''Wait, who is who?''
"We handle everything-" (Bo)
''Alright, gotcha. So the first one is Po. Thanks, narrator.''
No problem.
"-concerning organized crime, like theft-" (Po)
"-and slavery." (Bo)
Bo and Po cross their arms, signaling that they''re done.
"And we are-" (Little girl #1)
"-Lily and Mily." (Mily)
"We rule the-" (Lily)
"-Drug market." (Mily)
"My fucking God, it''s getting annoying how you''re finishing each other''s sentences, but have it your way. Since introductions are done, let''s get right to the point." (Me)
The Secretary serves each of us a plate of scrambled eggs with some kind of blue bacon beside it.
"First: You shouldn''t just tell me what kind of boss'' you are. What if I''m an undercover cop? Have you never seen any good detective movies?" (Me)
They look perplexed, again.
"Second: I know that none of you are ruling the market in any way." (Me)
"YES-" (Lily)
"-WE ARE!" (Mily)
"No, you-" (Me)
I look at Janna with expectation.
"-are not." (Janna)
''Thank you very much for helping me be sassy.''
"I already know of that shitty organisation, which is taking over the market. I''ve heard of it before, and read about it in some of the, very rare, documents of the former guild master. They''ve been pressuring you into getting annexed by their corporation, so you can work together, to which you''ve been declining. Which was the right choice." (Me)
"Of course-" (Bo)
"-it was." (Po)
"But y''all fucked up while you were at it." (Me)
"WHAT-" (Lily)
"-THE FUCK?!" (Mily)
"Come on. You''re waging a turf war agaisnt a MULTIDIMENSIONAL COMPANY! Without even a real plan on how you should fight against them. What did you expect they would do? I''m surprised they didn''t just crush you by force yet." (Me)
At that, they don''t know how to refute anymore.
"And that''s why, we''re here." (Me)
"He said "we"! Kyaaaa!" (Janna)
''Fucking adorable.''
"And what can-" (Lily)
"-you help us with?!" (Mily)
"Well, for once, I''m not a fucking retard and actually have a plan on how to deal with them." (Me)
Provoke was used successfully!
''Lol, that''s easy.''
"YOU''RE-" (Lily)
"-THE RETARD!" (Mily)
"Playground insults, eh? Anyways, now comes the part where I need you guys. If it wasn''t for that, you could eat my ass for all I care." (Me)
"WHAT DO-" (Bo)
"-YOU NEED, HUH?!" (Po)
"Numbers. I need a fucking army to storm that place like the FBI after they found my secret porn stash." (Me)
WHAT WAS ON THERE?!
"WHY SHOULD WE-" (Lily)
"-HELP YOU?!" (Mily)
"Wait, what the fuck kinda question is that? Your biggest rival will be out of town and- okay, let me explain it slowly." (Me)
I take a bite of the scrambled eggs.
''Everything tastes so fucking bland.''
"You guys probably did some research and found out where their HQ is, right?" (Me)
They nod.
"Fantastic, at least one thing you did right." (Me)
Provoke was used successfully!
''Damn, that''s really easy.''
"So my plan is to storm that HQ with your numbers. Your army of cannon fodder will keep the annoying small frys away from me, while me and Janna take on the Boss." (Me)
"I guess we do-" (Bo)
"-have some cannon fodder." (Po)
"If we succeed, the whole underground is yours again, but with one additional thing." (Me)
Their perplexed expressions are back.
"I''ll leave this world." (Me)
"You''re-" (Bo)
"-gonna die?" (Po)
"Nope, just going to the next neighborhood to fuck the next HQ of theirs up. But that''s not important. The only thing important for you guys, is what happens after I leave." (Me)
No sign of the confusion being lifted.
"Fucking hell, what happens after the new Guild Master leaves?" (Me)
Sudden realization spreads on their faces.
"Your-" (Bo)
"-spot-" (Po)
"-becomes-" (Lily)
"-free-" (Mily)
"And you''ll be able to get a whole new market. So? Are we partners now?" (Me)
Each and every single one of them smiles as if they just fucked a middle schooler.
"I take that as a yes?" (Me)
ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!
I''m seeing myself in third perspective.
The small back of a blackhaired guy. A small stature, a small boy.
He''s going through a dark hallway, steps resounding beside him, but not a single person is visible. Everyone is hidden by the darkness surrounding him.
''I swear to christ, these dreams are fucking annoying. Holy shit, STAHP!''
The steps change to voices, to which the lonely me smiles at, hollowly.
The hallway changes to stairs, leading up a building, until he arrives at the rooftop.
"What do have I to lose?" (He)
''Do it, you wimpy faggot. Just jump already. You''re not strong enough to resist the temptation and you know it.''
At that point, he reaches for his own face, a smiling mask visibly covering it.
The mask comes off, not a single emotion on the face underneath.
''Wow, I didn''t believe that it could get even edgier, BUT HERE WE ARE!''
He turns around, his hand aiming for a single person in the dark.
"Would you help me?" (He)
The darkness in front of him disperses, revealing a blonde girl with huge tits.
A little, wry smile finally covers his face after a long time.
''Ah, so now we''re even using metaphors? Nice.''
The girl returns the smile, which is as rare as ever to see for him.
And then she pushes him off.
He''s falling down the building, finally the darkness is covering everything in his vicinity.
''Is that it? Did you really have to show me that, just- of course it wasn''t it.''
He stops mid air. His face turns around, with eyes meeting mine.
"You''re showing weakness." (???)
"OH, FUCK OFF! I SEALED YOU AWAY!" (Me)
"I''m a part of you. I will always remain at your side." (???)
"You can suck my premature dick. You will stay sealed away, until I find a use for you little cunt." (Me)
"I will be waiting, until you let me in again. And then I will crush you, destroy your part of this body, send you into oblivion like he did to me once and-" (???)
"Yeah, we already went through that. Now fuck off, like the good little kid that you are, and let me out of this dream." (Me)
"I am you. You are me, but I will destroy this me." (???)
"Try me, bitch." (Me)
I wake up with a groggy feeling inside of my head. Janna sleeps beside me on our king size bed, clinging to me like a fucking predator.
''Screeny?''
Yep
''You remember the guy, who took over my body in the tournament, right?''
Yep
''Well, he''s kinda back and visited me again in my dreams.''
OH, FUCK OFF! YOU SEALED HIM AWAY!
''I SAID THE EXACT SAME THING!''
''So, since you''re part of the Akashic Record, which apparently knows a lot of shit, I wanted to ask you a question.''
So you finally recognized how wise I am, and want to leech of my unlimited knowledge? Fine, you shall be allowed to ask a question.
''Who is he?''
And you asked exactly the one question I can''t answer. Congrats, you just embarrassed in front of the whole audience.A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
''You stupid cunt, I thought you know everything?''
I didn''t say, that I don''t know who he is. It''s just that I can''t answer.
''Why?!''
And another question I can''t answer. You''re on a roll today, huh?''
''Who was it that forbade you to answer that question?!''
Three in a row.
''You''re completely useless, aren''t you?''
FUCK YOU!
I think about it for a bit, and come to a conclusion pretty fast.
''It obviously has to be one of the Gods, since no one else has enough power to influence you. And since they even influenced you enough, that they can restrict you to speak, then it should be a pretty strong- it''s the shitty old man, isn''t it?''
Sorry, can''t tell ya buddy
''Alright, fuck off.''
I wriggle my way out of Janna''s deathly grip, with a huge boner which made it even harder-
(Author''s note: HA! GET IT?! HARDER?! I''m a genius.)
-to get out, and make my way through the hallways of the guild, half naked. It''s not until I open the doors of the guild, that I hear something.
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (A huge fucking crowd)
"ALL HAIL ME!" (Me)
''What the fuck is going on?''
"You seem to-" (Lily)
"-adapt really fast." (Mily)
From behind the building, the four twins approach me with a smug smile on their faces.
"I have my talents. So? What is the meaning of this?" (Me)
I activate my "Search Life" spell, and sense easily 2000 men in front of one fucking building. Each of them is emitting the bloodlust of at least a goat.
''Goats are fucking dangerous, alright?''
I developed this mindset after a 3 meter tall goat, with fucking spears as horns,nearly popped a second hole up my ass when I was still training inside of the forest of my hometown.
"We have gathered all of-" (Bo)
"-our cannon fodder, to get them." (Po)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
"ALL HAIL ME! But why are they worshipping me like that?" (Me)
"A lot of-" (Lily)
"-drugs." (Mily)
I like those girls. They''re very charismatic.
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
"ALL HAIL ME! How much did you fry their brain?" (Me)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
"That''s the only-" (Lily)
"-thing they can say." (Mily)
"I like it." (Me)
Suddenly, from behind me, I''m getting hugged to the ground with unrelenting force.
''I actually saw it coming, but hey. I''m not a guy, who would dodge that.''
"YU! WHY DID YOU JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT?!" (Janna)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (Janna)
''She''s doing it too, eh?''
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER! I just didn''t want to distrub you, sleeping so cutely." (Me)
I teleport out of Janna''s grasp, and pick her up from behind.
"Well then, shall we go and fuck those wankstains up?" (Me)
Janna doesn''t even look a bit surprised anymore and just smiles at me, with brilliant shining teeth.
"Yes!" (Janna)
"WELL THEN! LET''S GO MAGGOTS!" (Me)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
I take the first step forward, towards the first big battle I''ve had in a long while.
...
"Wait, where the fuck do we have to go?" (Me)
I turn to the tiny pair of twins, since the other two have muscles for brains.
"We need to march-" (Lily)
"-about 27 days west from here." (Mily)
"..." (Me)
"We didn''t say-" (Lily)
"-that the HQ was close." (Mily)
"Nope, fuck that." (Me)
I let Janna down for a second.
"Tch." (Janna)
"You guys were there once already, right?" (Me)
"Of-" (Lily)
"-course" (Mily)
''Perfect.''
"Alright, here is how it will go: Janna is gonna read your mind. Then she''s gonna put those coordinates into my head, and then I''m gonna teleport all of us there. Sounds good? Nice." (Me)
The twins look at me like Iike I''m a fucking lunatic.
"You want to-" (Lily)
"-teleport over 2000 people?" (Mily)
"Yeah, yeah, that''s unbelievable and impossible. I already went through that a whole lot of times, so let''s skip that and just do it, alright?" (Me)
Janna follows my instructions immediately. She approaches Lily faster than frying beans with lightning, and puts her hand on top of Lily''s head. After a little lasershow, she comes back to me with a satisfied smile.
"So you really just were business partners. Good for them." (Janna)
"Can''t leave out a chance, eh? Now, put it inside me." (Me)
''Oh God, why did I word it like that.''
"*Pant*I''ll gladly*Pant*put it*Pant*inside you." (Janna)
PUT WHAT EXACTLY INSIDE HIM?!
I have to admit, that I''m curious as well, Master.
''I''m not even gonna ask.''
She puts her hand on my forehead, gently. Suddenly I feel information flowing through me, as if I just learned a new spell because of an increase in affinity. The information just keeps flowing and flowing, until I have a clear image of a grassy plain inside of my head, about 2000 kilometers west from here.
"ALRIGHT, MAGGOTS! WHO WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH BY MY SIDE!" (Me)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
''I''m enjoying this way more than I should.''
I twist my wrist, and let my mana expand way more than I''ve ever done it before. I cover an area of over 2 km2 purely with my mana, and I do the same to the other side of the warphole.
"LET''S GO!" (Me)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
From one moment to another, my environment changes. The sounds of the bustling city disappear and is replaced by the quiet wind of a peaceful plain.
"Let''s drench this peaceful plain in blood, shall we?" (Me)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
I only have to look at my surroundings for a second, to see where the headquarter is. It''s about 100 meter away from us, looking like a huge skyscraper, which is pretty out of place in the middle of a grassy plain.
"CHARGE!" (Me)
"ALL HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (The huge fucking crowd)
From behind me, the cannon fodder starts to rush toward the huge building, where guards are already flowing out of.
It doesn''t take long for the two armies to clash with each other, but the results are immediately visible.
"Damn, our guys are going down like nothing." (Me)
"Well, theyarethugs-" (Bo)
"-we picked off the streets." (Po)
I follow the course of the battle interested. On average, three of our thugs are needed to take one of their guys down, which puts us at an disadvantage since they have about 800 guards and there are still coming more.
''Time to get sneaky.''
"Twins, you stay here and intercept anyone who tries to do something funny. Janna, you come with me. You need to cover my back. But don''t kill anyone." (Me)
''I still want her to stay pure.''
She wasn''t pure since your past life.
''I will fight you to the death, if you say that one more time.''
The fuck?
I clap and activate "Lightning Step".
I pick up Janna and jump over the battlefield with her in my arms, right to the entrance of the HQ.
I kick the doors open with one firm kick.
"HAIL THE GUILD MASTER, OR DIE!" (Me)
Appearance of the mage of love and... incest, I guess?
Since when is "kicking the door in and shouting death threats" sneaky?
''It''s the definition of sneaky. Look it up, sweetheart.''
"Sneaky": doing things in a secret and unfair way. That''s from the cambridge dictionary.
''You just had to really look it up, eh? Fucking cunt.''
Easy win, you stupid shit.
''I look forward to the day that I can finally uninstall you.''
The entrance hall of the oddly modern scyscraper, is swarmed with guards, who have yet to be sent out into the battlefield. The moment I kicked the door in, their attention turns to me.
"GET THAT KID!" (Guard #1)
"YOU DID NOT HAIL THE GUILD MASTER!" (Janna)
Janna disappears from my side and in the next second, I see that guy hanging from the roof with his head inside it.
In the meantime, when the guards have to recover from the shock of their supervisor being hanged like christmas decoration, I swing my arm once vertically, making a "Spatial Cut" appear mid-air and splitting the rest of them in two.
About 50 guards dead, in the matter of seconds.
''They really need to step up their game.''
Buddy, just wanted to tell ya that only a third of your mana is left.
''A third? Shit, I guess teleporting 2000 people is too much, even for my mana pool.''
"Yu! I found the stairs!" (Janna)
While I''ve been thinking about my mana pool, Janna seemingly already found our way up... or rather didn''t.
"Janna, this is a scyscraper, identical to the ones in our old world. Who used stairs at that time?" (Me)
She tilts her head in an unknowing manner.
"Elevators. Why should we run up the stairs, if we can just skip all those possible enemies?" (Me)
"...I guess I could''ve thought of that, too." (Janna)
I look around the hall, full of blood and intestines, and see one in the corner of the room.
"Let''s go." (Me)
We enter the elevator together, and the door slowly closes. The bright lights bathe the whole elevator white, which is a nice change to the crimson red from before.
"Yu?" (Janna)
"Yep." (Me)
"This''ll be our first boss, who we defeat together, right?" (Janna)
"Yeah." (Me)
''And I''m fucking looking forward to it.''
I take her hand and squeeze it tightly in anticipation.
The doors close, slowly as ever. The elevator starts to move us towards the last floor, where the first boss of many awaits us.
I''ll just leave this here
''Really? This is supposed to be tense, you little shit.''
I don''t give a fuuuuuuuuuck
The buzzing of the elevator gets gradually louder, the higher we come.
I feel Janna''s hand getting damp.
"No need to worry, little one. This is more of a interview than anything else. I could''ve just destroyed this building all together, but I still need some informations of that guy, so I need to meet him." (Me)
Her head turns to me... beet red.
"What?" (Janna)
''Ah, she isn''t nervous, but turned on.''A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
The journey up continues, until a sound signals the end.
*DING!*
"We arrived, eh?" (Me)
The doors start to open.
I take my trusty knives out.
Janna gets ready to jump right at him, as soon as the doors stop hindering us.
I strengthen my entire body to the limit.
With only a slight sound, the doors completely open and-
"AAAAAAWWWWW YEEAAAAHHHH, FUCK ME HARDER, CHICKEN SANDWICH!" (???)
-I push the button for the first floor desperately.
"DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN!DOWN! I WANT TO GO BACK DOWN!" (Me)
An old, half-naked guy with a green, long beard and black hair stands at his desk. Behind him a beautiful view of the grassy plains from before, and in front of him a sandwich with his dick inside.
"WHY ARE THE ADULTS HERE SO FUCKED UP?! I THOUGHT I''M THE SICK ONE IN THIS STORY?!" (Me)
The door is stuck, eh? What a beautiful coincidence.
"FUCK THIS WORLD!" (Me)
The sick dude turns around, his lean body showing his muscles clearly.
"WHA- WHO ARE YOU, AND HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!" (???)
"YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO, FIRST!" (Me)
"Yu? What is he doing with that sandwich?" (Janna)
"YOU JUST FUCKED UP ROYALLY!" (Me)
I snap once and teleport behind that guy. I lash out with my knives, but the surprise attacks, which normally hit, miss by a centimeter.
''Wow, first time in a while, that someone doesn''t get defeated from my first attack.''
"WHY ARE YOU DISTURBING ME IN MY ACT?!" (???)
"OH, I''M FUCKING SORRY! SHOULD I GET YOU SOME LUBE AND LEAVE?!" (Me)
"That would be quiet pleasant, thank you." (???)
"Sarcasm doesn''t exist in your sick brain, does it?" (Me)
At that moment, something unbelievable happened.
He. threw. the. sandwich. AT. ME.
I dodge it easily, but rage wells up inside me like it never has before.
"YOU ARE SO DEAD!" (Me)
"THAT''S FOR INTERRUPTING ME!" (???)
"THAT''S NOT A VALID REASON, FOR THROWING YOUR PSEUDO-FLESHLIGHT AT ME!" (Me)
Janna jumps at him from behind, with incredible speed, and dropkicks him in my direction.
I swing my arms at him, which makes "Spatial Cuts" fly directly at him, but he dodges them once more.
"I EXPECTED THAT, YOU SICK FUCK!" (Me)
Right behind the spacial cuts, were 8 knives connected with lightning between them. The lightning between the knives catches him off-guard and gets him mid-air.
''BUT AT THIS POINT I WON''T STOP! NO! NO! NO!''
I teleport beside him again and start condensing half of my current, pure mana into 3 spears with spikes.
Straining my reflexes to the limit, I aim at his violently convulsing body in the air.
The first spear pins him on the wall through his right hand.
The second spear fixes him tightly to the wall through his left hand.
The third, and last, spear drills through both of his feet.
"Thou shalt be put before trial for thy sins. The lord may judgeth the sinner." (Me)
I create a lightning bolt above him, with pure mana filled by the "Lightning" attribute.
"AND THE LORD SHALT SMITE THE SINNER!" (Me)
The lightning bolt descends rapidly and goes through his body, with a thundering roar.
''''Oh shit, I hope I didn''t kill him. I kinda lost myself there.'''' (Me)
And then his whole body turns into smoke.
I hear someone rapidly moving behind me and dodge immediately to the side, but not without getting cut badly at my hip.
"When I said, that I hoped that I didn''t kill you, I didn''t mean that you sick fuck should come out unscathed." (Me)
"WOULD YOU KINDLY LEAVE NOW?! I STILL HAVE SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS!" (???)
"You know what? Alright. I''ll leave you alone." (Me)
"FINALLY! Now, where''s the chicken sandw-" (???)
"But that doesn''t count for my cute little sister behind you." (Me)
You entered a holy area, made by your teammate "Janna Krifta"!
You have been buffed!
Health Regeneration +100%!
Mana Regeneration +200%
All stats +20!
''Ah, right. She''s still a mage with the "Holy" attribute. I COMPLETELY forgot about that.''
Yeah, me too. I was confused as fuck when I got the message that I should tell you about the buffs.''
Suddenly, with a huge*BOOM!*, Janna gets enveloped inside a pink aura. Her blonde hair, which flutters like she''s in a storm, turns pink, just like her eyes.
''What a cute new look.''
"DID YOU JUST HURT MY PRECIOUS YU?! I WILL FUCKING RIP OUT YOUR INNARDS AND GURGLE ON YOUR FUCKING BLOOD, YOU PERVERTED SON OF A WHORE!" (Janna)
''Her personality fits perfectly.''
No, it doesn''t.
''Wait a second, this pink aura kinda reminds me of something.''
Suddenly, the pink aura condenses and gets sucked inside Janna.
''Wait a second. Is this-''
WAIT A SECOND. IS THIS-
The moment, the whole pink aura is collected inside her, her leather armour changes.
''AND HOW IT FUCKING CHANGES!''
It first disperses into light particles, but doesn''t let anything indecent show. Janna does a perfect pirouette, and then the light particles reappear at her body, and gently caress it.
The blinding light turns into a pink, frilly top and a white skirt with pink high-heels.
With that, the transformation is finished.
''THAT''S A MAGICAL GIRL!''
YES, IT FUCKING IS!
With a slight shimmering around her, she glares at the sick fuck.
"When I couldn''t help him at the tournament, I decided that I would never let him be harmed in any way again. AND YOU JUST FUCKING HARMED HIM!" (Janna)
''Well, it actually already healed because of your "Holy Area", but I''m actually nearly out of mana, so this fits perfectly.''
"GO, MAGICAL GIRL OF LOVE!" (Me)
AND INCEST!
"YES! I WILL AVENGE MY BELOVED ONE!" (Janna)
"This... might be bad." (???)
"THISWILLBE BAD!" (Janna)
She lets shining knives magically appear out of her knee socks, and throws them at him, even faster than I did.
''I love that she has the same fighting style as me.''
Well, you didtrain her.
But it doesn''t stop at that. She moves her finger once in a circle and creates a perfect, pink halo.
''Damn, there''s a lot of pink around her.''
She sends the halo at him, which stops at the top of his head.
He tries to dodge the knives once more, but halts in his tracks.
"WHY CAN''T I MOVE?! AND WHY DO I HAVE THESE TERRIBLE PICTURES OF MY DEATH INSIDE OF MY HEAD?!" (???)
''My first guess would be, that the halo can control your mind to some extent. How far off am I, Screeny?''
...
''Spot on, eh?''
"AND NOW, I WILL JUDGE YOU FOR YOUR SINS!" (Janna)
''God damn, I need a transformation as well...''
Yus the name, lootings my game!
The knives Janna threw, make their way towards the half naked guy with a threatening pace.
But just as they were about to reach his vital points, smoke rises up from the ground, and condenses, just to catch the flying danger mid-air.
''What the fuck? Since when is "Smoke" magic a thing?!''
The halo loses its brilliance slowly and dimnishes. The opponent is again able to move.
"THIS IS IT! I WON''T LET YOU DISTURB ME ANYMORE!" (???)
"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK, YOU SICK BASTARD?!" (Janna)
''Oh, nice comeback.''
He raises up pillars of smoke, which attack Janna one after another like a barrage similar to a jackhammer.
The entire building trembles at the sheer amount of force, pounding at Janna''s vicinity.
Why she doesn''t get hit? Well, the magical girl just had to swish once with her hand, and immediately a pink shield protects her from any harm.
''This trembling fucks me up like nothing else. It''s like I''m a fucking vibrator...''
Just wanted to tell ya, that your mana managed to recover up to 50%.
''50%? Already? Damn, this mana regeneration is pretty handy. Maybe I should carve my next magic circle for it?''
I stand up for a second, and stomp once with my foot.
"Gravity control" activates, and the trembling of the skyscraper stops.
Shouldn''t you rather help your little sister, with your recovered mana?
''Help her?''
I follow Janna''s fight again.
She advances forward, the shield still without a scratch.
The pounding of the enemy gets even faster and stronger. (Author''s note: I know exactly what y''all are thinking about the pounding.)
The ground starts to give in already, but she still continues to approach him with a furious expression.
The slow steps change to a fast jog, until she sprints at him like a predator.
''Nah, she got this in the bag. She''s gotta grow.''
I just wonder what spell she''s gonna use next. I mean, the halo was pretty unique.
"MAGICAL DROPKICK!" (Janna)
Janna covers her feet in the pink aura and launches herself forward.
''But I guess she''s still a bit too inexperienced in fights. Gotta help her at least a bit.''
I carve a magic circle in the ground, faster than anyone can see.
Janna''s opponent smiles at her.
"HA! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HIT ME SO EASI-" (???)
At that moment, she landed inside of his stomach pit.
He flies backwards, directly in my direction. I dodge him lazily and he gets imbedded into the wall.
Janna once again launches forward, and repeatedly dropkicks him in his stomach.
Each time her feet hit, he vomits an incredible amount of blood.
"WHY COULDN''T I SUMMON MY CLONE?!" (???)
"SHUT UP!" (Janna)
Another dropkick.
''Oops, time to stop her.''
"Alright! This is it for the boss fight! You put up a good fight and all, but you can''t really go up against a new transformation, unless you''re me." (Me)
Praising your own achievements, eh?
''Oh come on, don''t act like it wasn''t awesome how I defeated a normie, who was strengthened by a celestial being.''
...
It was as impressive as ever, Master.
''Thanks, Chicken.''
May I ask, that you stop adressing me as such?
''...I thought that was your name?''
No, it isn''t, Master. The Master of the contracted has to bestow a name upon his familiar.
''Oh... well, gotta do that sometime then...''
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MAGIC?!" (???)
"No need to shout so much, damn. And no, I''m not gonna reveal my secret weapon to you just like that. Who do you think I am?" (Me)
"Yu? Can I really not finish him off?" (Janna)
Janna looks at me with her new, pink puppy eyes.
''Now she has cool eyes too... I''m cursed...''
Are we not gonna talk about her, pleading to kill that guy with puppy eyes?
"No, you can''t. I''ll do that for you. In the meantime, you can read his mind." (Me)The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
I condense mana into handcuffs, and bind him to the wall so he can''t move.
Pouting, Janna proceeds to-
SHE''S POUTING BECAUSE SHE CAN''T KILL A GUY!
''BECAUSE HE HURT THE ONE SHE LOVES! LET THE NARRATOR DO HIS JOB!''
-put her hand on top of the weird guy''s forehead. A lightshow later, she signals that she has the needed information.
"Now then, any last words?" (Me)
"YOU HAVE MADE THE WRONG FOE! SOONER OR LATER, OUR GLORIOUS LEADER WILL-" (???)
"Yeah yeah, foreshadowing after foreshadowing. Anything else? Come on, I''m giving you a chance here." (Me)
He falls into thought for a split second, but doesn''t avert his eyes from mine.
"Can I at least have my sandwich?" (???)
"OH, COME ON! ARE THOSE REALLY YOUR LAST WORDS, YOU DEGENRATE FUCK?!" (Me)
His gaze doesn''t change.
"Fuck off." (Me)
I point my finger at him and shoot my "Raygun".
You gained 18 levels!
''WHAT?! 18?! IT''S BEEN AGES SINCE I RAISED MY LEVEL, AND NOW I EVEN GET 18 AT ONCE?! Nice.''
STATUS
STATS
Level: 249 Statpoints: 129
HP: 118 MP: 15863HP REGEN: 0.45/sec MP REGEN: 0.75/sec
STR: 50 DEX: 130 END: 45 INT: 75WIS: 75CHR: 50 LCK: 40
ABILITIES
ACTIVE: Space of distorted Time; Lightning step (shortcut: clap); Raygun (shortcut: pointed finger); Enhance (shortcut: slap desired part of body); Lightning clad (shortcut: touch both shoulders diagonally) ; Blink (shortcut: flick);HigherHeal (shortcut: Point at target with pinky and thumb); Search life (shortcut: touch temples) ; Embed Lightning (shortcut: tap weapon of choice twice); Connect Lightning (shortcut: lock fingers); Cure higherdisease (shortcut: Point pinky at target); Cure higher curse (shortcut: point ringfinger at target); Counter (Auto); Warphole (shortcut: twist your wrist); Invisibility (shortcut: Cross arms); Spacial cut (shortcut: swing of arm);IntermediateGravity control (shortcut: stomp with your foot); Analyzing Eyes;Space Prison (Shortcut: Cup hands); Spacial Domain (Shortcut: Grab forearm); Mirage (Shortcut: Touch thumbs);
PASSIVE: Perfect Body control; Extreme Magic potential (Gift from God); Perfect language comprehension; Inventory; Shortcut; Twin Dagger Mastery (100%); Throwing Knives Mastery (100%); Higher Throwing Knives Mastery (25%); Nearly-complete understanding of Magic circles;Spatial Perception; Higher Twin Dagger mastery (18%); Teamwork;Additional Health Regeneration (Additional 0.5/sec)
AFFINITIES: Lightning (99,99%); Life (95,75%); Space (63,30%);
TITLES
The one who made God vomit
You''re fucking ridiculous
Nightmare of the magic Forest
Master of the Harem
Potential ???
One who shall fight the Gods
CONTRACTS
Unnamed (Threeheaded Lionchicken)
Magic Circles
1. Increase of trainingspeed (5x)
2. Ethereal Body
3. Cleanse all disorders of the mind
(Author''s note: Haven''t seen that in a while, eh?)
''I just hope for the "Life" attribute that I get a shitload of extra after I used the spark of life, cause the last 45,75% of progress were nearly useless.''
"Alright Janna, information." (Me)
"Yes! His name was Ker Mit. Not very high in the organisation, but had some connections. That''s how he got his own building and became overseer of a planet. Because he was such a small fry, he only visited one other HQ in his entire life." (Janna)
''''Fuck, really? Nearly nothing after all this shit?" (Me)
She looks at me, as if it''s her fault.
"*Sigh*Good job, nevertheless, in both, defeating him and getting the information. One last question. Where''s the national treasure?" (Me)
She brightens up immediately at my praise.
''I''m glad that she fell for me. If she fell for some bad guy, it would really be a shame.''
Wait, you''re not a bad guy?
"Yes! The book you''re searching for is in the right drawer inside of his desk!" (Janna)
"A national treasure is inside of his drawers, eh?" (Me)
I look around the wrecked room, and find his table. I approach it with light steps, in anticipation of what it''s gonna be.
''Please, don''t tell me it''s porn.Please, don''t tell me it''s porn.Please, don''t tell me it''s porn.Please, don''t tell me it''s porn.Please, don''t tell me it''s porn.''
Please, let it be porn.
"But... you might be a bit disappointed of the content..." (Janna)
"It''s porn again, isn''t it?" (Me)
"No?" (Janna)
''THANK GOD!''
In another realm.
"No problem." (God)
Back to our MC.
"But... it''s still weird..." (Janna)
I fasten my pace, and rip the drawer out, not being able to endure the tension anymore.
"..."Alchemy for idiots"..." (Me)
...
"Yes..." (Janna)
...
"THIS SHITTY WORLD!" (Me)
With all my power, I throw thebookinfuriated on the floor.
"I WILL FUCKING BURN THIS WORLD TO ASHES! IT''LL BE MY FIRST TARGET FOR DESTRUCT-" (Me)
In the moment the book collided with the ground, I was able to catch a glimpse of the content.
''..."DIY poison, with which you can kill Gods!??"...''
"Wait, what?" (Me)
I open the book for the first time, directly at the last page.
DIY poison, with which you can kill Gods!??
Helololo guys!!!!! It''s your cute Alchemy-chan again, back for another veeeery~ simple lesson on how to make a veeeery~ simple poison.??
Once again, you have to follow eveeeeery~ instruction veeeery~ carefully, or else you''ll make it blow up! Tehee!??
So today, we''re gonna make a poison which can let even Gods bleed out of every orifice, like they''re a beautiful fountain!??
But first, of course, you need the following ingredients~ ??:
At that point, even I was... surprised.
"IS THAT BITCH FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I NEED WHAT?!" (Me)
Ingredients:
Cores of celestial beasts: 160x
Hearts of Fallen Gods: 80x
Blood of Celestials: 60 Litres
...
The list goes on and on with unbelievable challenges, but the end gives me a small ray of hope.
If you follow the aforementioned instructions, then you should have enough poison for... a loooot~ of Gods!??
And this concludes my book! Thank you very much my dear readers. I''m super, super saaad that I have to leave you now, but I love you all veeeery~ much!??
This is a bye-bye! Ciao, from your most favourite Alchemy-chan!??
''I can killmultipleGods, with this... hehe.''
"I love it when he smiles like this..."(Janna)
I close the book, completely satisfied at my new harvest.
"Well then, my dear little sister. Ready for the next world?" (Me)
"I have information and can give it to you anytime!" (Janna)
Suddenly, something comes to my mind.
"But we have to do a quick stop at our own world. There''s still something I have to do." (Me)
"Tch... with all those enemies again."(Janna)
I clap once, and activate "Lightning Step" to draw a reverse summoning circle for the both of us.
After the usual procedure of stepping into the circle, and blacking out again, I wake up inside my own room at the dorms. Janna in my arms.
"Y- Yu? Is that you?!" (Lydia)
I see Lydia jumping off her bed and hurrying to me.
"Is there anyone else who has a face this handsome?" (Me)
And, to my surprise, she hugs me immediately.
"YOU WERE GONE FOR A WHOLE YEAR!" (Lydia)
"Fuck off, I wasn''t." (Me)
She lets go of me.
"Yeah, you weren''t-" (Lydia)
"You didn''t get enough ass beatings yet, did you?" (Me)
"-but welcome back." (Lydia)
''...''
"Fuck off with this nice shit, what do you want?" (Me)
"I hate you." (Lydia)
With such heartwarming words, I was finally back at home.
Not everything is THAT easy
"Oh right, Lydia." (Me)
Lydia''s smile stays on her face, as she looks at me with a questioning gaze.
"You better get the fuck away from me, or else this sleeping beauty here will rip your throat out, and trust me, I won''t stop her." (Me)
"ISN''T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A HEARTWARMING RE-" (Lydia)
At that moment, I see Janna''s eyes dart open.
"You heard him. You better fuck off, or else I''ll spank your fat ass." (Janna)
"You know what, Lydia? Actually, you can stay here. I''ve got nothing against- aaaand you''re running out of the room..." (Me)
As I just mentioned, Lydia sprints outside without hesitation, leaving me and Janna alone... so it would seem.
"Alexandra, you think you can hide from me?" (Me)
From above me, I hear her usual sound.
"Tch." (Alexandra)
A layer of the ceiling comes off, and Alexandra falls down. Her frail and small stature lands on the ground right in front of me, her mood visibly bad.
"Don''t even act like you''re on your period. You''re way too old for that. And how the fuck did you hang from the fucking ceiling?! Are you a fucking ninja, or what?" (Me)
"Oi brat, you''re still depending on me for armour, so you better fuck off." (Alexandra)
"And you depend on me for lodging, food and a fucking place to shit. By the way, you belong to me. So who''s worse off, if the other one leaves?" (Me)
I feel Janna getting uneasy under me, due to the usual quarrel I have with Alexandra.
Just as she wants to intervene, I stand up and walk towards the door, with Janna in tow.
But before I leave the room for good, I turn around one last time.
"Well, I''m gonna go and visit a collegue, since I actually need a bit of help at something, but I need you here tonight, Alexandra. Don''t be late~" (Me)
"Listen here, you little shit-" (Alexandra)
I close the door behind me.
''She loves me.''
"Janna, as much as it hurts me, I need you to go back to your room. Prepare for tomorrow. I''ll pick you up in the morning." (Me)
"Yes!" (Janna)
Once again, she follows my orders without a second thought and skips to her room, a huge smile on her face.
''If you look at her like that, you wouldn''t believe that she beat up an old man in a magical girl costume.''
Buddy, I don''t think that anyone could look that way.
''Are you sure about that?''
Yep.
''Huh.''
I go outside of the dorms. The first thing that greets me, are a few leaves falling from the trees, signaling that it''s already autumn in this world.
''In the other world it was spring, huh?''
Crossing the campus to the main building, I search for a special, suicidal person.
It doesn''t take long for me, to know where he''s at.
''I have magic, duh!''
I climb the walls of the main building, to the rooftop, where the Commentator stands at the railing.
"Will I die if I jump from here?" (Commentator)
"Do a flip, faggot." (Me)
Why do you insult anyone who you meet today?
''It''s called "being on a roll".''
"Oh... euh... you''re... back?" (Commentator)
His lazy way of being surprised, hits me full on.
"What does it look like?" (Me)
"Euh... it looks like... euh... your attendance is... dropping..." (Comentator)
"..." (Me)
What now, you little shit? Didn''t think of that, huh?
''Sorry, but I was fucking busy saving a whole world.''
And now it''s gonna be ruled by the mafia bosses.
''I saved it from the imminent danger. It''s their problem what happens in the future.''
I approach the Commentator from the other side of the roof.
"I have something to talk to you about. As fucking rare as it sounds, it''s time for real talk." (Me)
He just raises his eyebrow.
"I need some information concerning your family." (Me)
"Euh... you mean the royal family." (Commentator)
"As you know, I want to dethrone them, since it''s not a secret, even among your people." (Me)
"Euh... yep." (Commentator)
"That''s why- oh wait, I nearly forgot." (Me)
I teleport behind him, and pull out a knife.Stolen novel; please report.
"Euh... what are you doing?" (Commentator)
"I told you, it''s mandatory that I carve a magic circle in your skin, which makes it impossible for you to betray me." (Me)
He looks at me, eyes like those of a fish.
"Fine..." (Commentator)
''Damn, it was easier than I thought to persuade him''
I do my work, which is a lot easier than usual, since he doesn''t even bat an eye.
"Done." (Me)
I go back to the place I was at before, while cleaning my knife from the excessive blood.
"So that''s why I need to worsen their reputation among the commoners and nobles, so the revolution can go fluently." (Me)
He nods.
"And now, I have the perfect thing to blackmark them." (Me)
I pick out a few documents, which I got from the HQ.
"These are evidences, that your royal family goes hand in hand with the organization, who has been kidnapping nobles and commoners. I need you to use your connections to spread this among the folk." (Me)
He nods again.
"I don''t care how you do it. Just make sure that everyone knows of this." (Me)
*Nod*
"Nice." (Me)
I turn around and go to the stairs.
"Euh... but you''ll still get... detention for skipping." (Commentator)
"Lay off, I was kidnapped a few days ago. That''s excuse enough." (Me)
For the second time today, I close the door behind me.
What''s your Plan B, if he somehow betrays you too? What if he just shows those documents to the king, and that''s it?
''That exactly is my Plan B. If he was a double-agent, then he wouldn''t let this information go by just like that. He''d show it to the king, which would make the king think that I know a lot more of their affairs than I should. This makes me more of a threat for them, and will further bring them into disarray.''
Not bad.
''Elementary, Watson.''
I spend the rest of the day meditating in my room, both in the imaginary space and in the real world, until night arrives.
The door opens with a loud click, and I hear someone entering my room, my eyes still closed.
"So you came? Good girl." (Me)
"What?" (Lydia)
"Oops, wrong girl. Get out." (Me)
"But I need to go to sle-" (Lydia)
"Did I fucking stutter?" (Me)
"... I''ll go and sleep in Aline''s room then..." (Lydia)
''Shit, I forgot to visit Aline.''
A few minutes later, the door opens once more.
"So you came? Good girl." (Me)
"Still me. I have to get some clothes." (Lydia)
"LYDIA! I SWEAR TO CHRIST!" (Me)
She closes the door behind her, but steps right back in.
"Lydia, you fucking donut. I just told you-" (Me)
"Oi, brat. What''re you talking about?!" (Alexandra)
"..." (Me)
''The next time I see Lydia, I''ll make her wear a fucking nose hook and crawl on all fours.''
I finally open my eyes, the dramatic effect of it already long gone.
"Alright, Alexandra, there''s something I need your advice for." (Me)
"..." (Alexandra)
She stares at me blankly.
"You? Wantmy advice?" (Alexandra)
"That''s what I just fucking said, isn''t it?" (Me)
"I guess I''m becoming senile. I already have hallucinations..." (Alexandra)
"Listen here. I would to do this myself, if I could, but this is a problem which is a bit above me." (Me)
"Aboveyou?" (Alexandra)
"Stop it with the emphasizing. I want this even less than you, believe me." (Me)
She stops her blank stare.
"Even you gotta get some help sometimes, eh, brat?" (Alexandra)
I shift my position on the bed, since my legs seem to have fallen asleep already.
"I''m not God, yet." (Me)
She climbs the bed herself, and faces opposite of me.
"So? What do you need." (Alexandra)
"You know a shitload about magic, right?" (Me)
She eyes me confused.
"Yes, I bloody do, you brat." (Alexandra)
"That leads into my next question. Do you know of any magic, which makes a friend into a foe?" (Me)
She puts her small fingers to her chin. It''s clear that she gives it her best at thinking of something.
"No. There''s no such magic. It is possible to set the enemy into a state of rage, or seduce them into not being able to attack, which would be the case for succubi for example, but there''s now way to make them loyal enough to turn against their own comrades." (Alexandra)
''That means, that I can''t just dispell Janna''s condition. Shit.''
I notice that I''m bothered. For the first time in ages, I feel a concern for someone other.
''Fuck. Smile, Jason. Smile.''
My cheeks cramp up into a grotesque form, forcing me to look happy. Forcing me like they always used to and still do.
"Why the sudden interest?" (Alexandra)
"Oh, nothing serious. Just a fucking premonition of Janna, where she saw me fight against her. Nothing serious." (Me)
"That does sound quite serious." (Alexandra)
"I don''t know what you''re talking about." (Me)
"But the absence of such magic doesn''t mean that it''s completely impossible." (Alexandra)
"Oh great, it gets even worse!" (Me)
"It could still be a case of inborn ability. They often have very peculiar effects, so hypnotizing is also possible." (Alexandra)
"Sounds fan- fucking -tastic. What''s the medicine against that, doc?" (Me)
Her expression changes to a happy one.
"Actually, it''s pretty easy for you. A magic circle could hel-" (Alexandra)
"Sounds good, doesn''t work." (Me)
Happy changes to stupified really fast.
"What? Why?" (Alexandra)
"I''m surprised that you don''t know of that. Well, let lil'' ol'' me teach ya something good." (Me)
Stupified to angered.
"In my years of hunting monsters, I have acquired something you could call their essence." (Me)
"Years? You''re only fiftee-" (Alexandra)
"Don''t be surprised about something as trivial as that. Anyways, this essence has strengthened my body and fused with it, which made it possible for my body to accept something as straining as magic circles." (Me)
"Let me guess. Janna-" (Alexandra)
"-hasn''t killed enough monsters yet. The only time was when we entered the dungeon together, and there she was mainly support." (Me)
So her level isn''t high enough yet, eh...
''Yep.''
Excuse my foolishness, Master, but what are you conversing about?
''To put it simply, this essence I talked about, is stated into levels. For the body to be able to endure a magic circle, you need that level to pass 100.''
But what about the anti-betrayer circles?
''They don''t directly interfere with the body of the target, but only react to it if any betraying occurs. They aren''t activated the whole time, so they don''t put too much stress on the body. That''s what I found out after a fuckload of research. I''m a smart boy.''
And for the audience again, in not retarded:
After level 100: 1st Magic circle possible.
After level 200: 2nd magic circle possible.
This only counts for magic circles which have a constant strain on the body.
"And since the magic circle for a cleansing of all disorders of the mind is constantly activated, it won''t work on Janna. She would explode like a beautiful firework." (Me)
"That''s... a problem..." (Alexandra)
"No shit, Sherlock." (Me)
She once again falls into deep thought.
"Damn, the only thing left is impossible for you." (Alexandra)
"That sentence doesn''t make any sense." (Me)
"Yes, it does! The only thing that could help your sister would need years of research!" (Alexandra)
''Wait... I might have a clue on where this leads to.''
Cmon, watcha sniffing buddy?! Is Old Jenkins'' shed on fire?!
''No no no, it''s way better than old people burning.''
"It''s a lost art...." (Alexandra)
''I know it.''
"It''s alchemy." (Alexandra)
"WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT!" (Me)
"Huh?!" (Alexandra)
I pull the infamous book out of my inventory, and slam it in front of her.
"What is this? Are you showing me your porn again?" (Alexandra)
"Just look at the title." (Me)
She first reads the title with a mocking expression, but after flipping through the pages, she becomes dumbfounded.
"This... this is..." (Alexandra)
"This is fucking bad plot, nothing else." (Me)
(Author''s note: Fuck you.)
''Come on, you practically solved the problem in a few chapters.''
(Author''s note: Solved? SOLVED?! HA! You''re far away from it, cunt. Look at the recipe on page 269.)
''Fuck you, I''m gonna do it easily.''
I grab the book out of Alexandra''s tiny hands, and search for a recipe against hypnotization, or the like.
''You know, maybe not THAT easily...''
Cute potion against headaches and mind disruptions~??
Hey guys!~ It''s Alchemy-chan agaaaaaaain~ ??
Don''t you hate it, when you wake up and your mind just starts to do ouchie ouchie?~??
Exactly that happened to me!~??
I wanted it to stooooop!~ Soooo I used some leftovers for a potion, and accidentaly made a potion against any kind of problems with your noggin! Teehee~??
Use it, if you like. I would be glad to help~??
Ingredients:
Scale of an Elder Dragon: x5
Feathers of a Phoenix: x3
Gargoyle wings: x150
Fairy dust: 200g
And now the concocti-
''I''m not even gonna start reading that, until I somehow got all that shit.''
That night ended, with a win and a lose.
''WHERE SHOULD I FUCKING FIND AN ELDER DRAGONANDA PHOENIX?!''
How to found a new religion in about 20 minutes
Since this morning I''ve been having a bad feeling in my gut.
"Oh boy, let''s see what kinda fucked up situation awaits me in the next world!" (Me)
Janna and me stand inside of the reverse summoning circle. She already has everything packed for our departure, which makes it look more like we''re going on vacation, instead of burning another branch of the big and evil organisation down.
"What do you mean, dear?" (Janna)
"You''ll see. Believe me, you''ll see." (Me)
I put Janna''s bags inside of my inventory, which doesn''t even surprise her the least bit, and put my hand on the ground.
Slowly but surely, I channel mana through the magic circle.
The colors of the hallway around me, start to spin and blend together. Soon, the familiar feeling of loosing consciousness overwhelms me once more.
It doesn''t take long, until we''re up on our feet and kicking again.
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! PLEASE! SOMEONE! SAVE MEEE!" (Random villager #1)
"GOD! MY BABY! IT''S STILL INSIDE THE HOUSE!" (Random villager #2)
''Oh wow, what a surprise...''
I glance at Janna, who is watching the spectacle before us.
"Dear? Why is there so much fire?" (Janna)
"Maybe they''re having a festival and they made a bonfire?" (Me)
"But why did they burn the whole village then?" (Janna)
"Maybe they needed a big bonfire?" (Me)
Screams resound around us, each one crying for help in one way or another.
"GOD! MY WIFE IS STILL INSIDE THE HOUSE!" (Random villager #3)
This girl is on fire~
''Quite literally.''
The village seems to be pretty beautiful, if you take all the fire away. A beautiful mountainscape in the background, around it gorgeous fields of flowers and fields for agriculture. It really gives off a feeling of wanting to settle down here.
''Without the fire.''
"PLEASE! GOD! HELP US!" (Random villager #4)
Right at the exact moment that that guy shouted his plead, an idea manifested inside of my head.
An idea, which is most likely one of my best ones so far yet.
''I''m a fucking genius.''
"Janna? Do you remember how I asked you, if you would like to become the wife of a guild master?" (Me)
"Yes! And I agreed immediately!" (Janna)
I smile at her with a happily.
"How about a promotion to the wife of a God?" (Me)
"Yes!... but what do you mean, dear?" (Janna)
She tilts her head cluelessly.
I jump about 20 meter into the air, and land on a mana platform.
"It''s easier to show than to explain." (Me)
The huge mana pool inside of me activates on my demand. I pull out about 60% of my total mana, and spread it over the whole village.
''Easy chemistry question, Screeny. What is needed for a normal fire?''
Oxygen, heat and fuel. Did you drop out of elementary school?
''Completely right. And what happens if you suffocate the fire?''
I condense the mana, until it''s a thin, but sturdy blanket.
Just do it. I want to see the aftermath.
The mana blanket engulfs the whole town, but lets the villagers pass through it.
The remaining oxygen inside of the blanket burns up. The fire stops immediately.
"Wh- what happened?" (Random villager #5)
I strengthen my vocal cords with magic, and shout as loud as I can.
''Which is pretty fucking loud.''This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
"YOUR PLEADS FOR SALVATION HAVE BEEN HEARD!" (Me)
Every single villager looks up to me.
"OH FAITHFUL VILLAGERS! IN YOUR TIME OF DIRE NEED, YOU HAVE STILL CLINGED ONTO BELIEF, AND FOR THAT, YOU SHALL BE REWARDED WITH SALVATION!" (Me)
Nearly all of the villagers become speechless, except of one.
"B- But who are you?!" (???)
I look at the woman who spoke up.
''Screeny?''
Face: 7; Body: 6.5; Cuteness: 4. Trash.
''What a shame.''
"I AM THE ONE WHO YOU ALL HAVE PRAYED TO!" (Me)
"Y- You mean-" (???)
"YES! FOR I AM GOD!" (Me)
In another realm.
"Little cunt, you ain''t shit yet." (God)
Back to our MC.
The people look at me in disbelief.
"That boy is God?" (Random villager #6)
"But... I thought he would be more... epic." (Random villager #7)
''The fuck did that guy just say?! I put out a whole burning village in a matter of seconds. What else am I supposed to do?!''
I look around. Wounded people here and there. People griefing for their relatives, who are nearly dying.
''Alright, here it goes. Screeny? Ready for a new spell?''
Go for it. I bet someone has created the spell once before.
''I will call this... Heal barrage.''
I put my right hand up, and use another 20% of mana to create a sphere of "Life" magic on it.
"MY PEOPLE! THOU SHALT BE BLESSED BY ME!" (Me)
The green sphere ascends into the air and moves to the middle of the village, before bursting and raining down.
Each drop of it searches for someone wounded. The wounds slowly vanish on each and every one of the villagers, leaving them dumbfounded.
''So? How was it, Screeny.''
...
''Come on. Give me the message.''
No.
''You have one fucking job to do. GIVE ME THE MESSAGE!''
FUCK YOU!
Congratulations! You have created a new spell!
Would you like to name it?
''Heal barrage.''
Congratulations! You have created the spell "Heal barrage"!
Effect: You create a sphere of "Life" magic, which rains down on your allies automatically and heals them.
The duration and strength of the sphere depends on how much mana is used.
Ratio: 5% HP/20 MP
''HA, YOU LITTLE FAGGOT! I TOLD YOU I WOULD DO IT!''
WHAT KINDA CUNT WOULD BARRAGE AN AREA WITH HEALING MAGIC?!
''THE KINDA CUNT WHO JUST OWNED YOUR OMNISCIENT ASS! I''M A GENIUS!''
Just as everyone, except of the already dead ones, are healed, they all go an all fours, praising me.
''AND NOW I''M ALSO A GOD!''
I let the mana platform slowly descend on the ground.
"Raise your heads, my children. I only rewarded you for your loyalty to me." (Me)
"But what about the dead people? And why did you let the fire happen in the first place?" (Random villager #8)
"The ways of the lord are inscrutable." (Me)
HA! Nice one.
"But you are the lord yoursel-" (Random villager #8)
Janna appears, with her foot burying that guys face into the ground.
"LORD! WE THANK YOU FOR SAVING US!" (Janna)
Janna starts chanting.
"ALL PRAISE THE LORD!" (Janna)
The villagers follow.
"ALL PRAISE THE LORD!" (The villagers)
''NICE ONE, SISTER! Wait, how did the villagers understand her?''
In the midst of the chanting, I let my calm voice go through everyone''s ears.
"Who is the village head here?" (Me)
The woman from before raises her hand.
"Here, my lord." (???)
"State your name, my child." (Me)
She raises herself up, and kneels in front of me, with her face 3 cm from my crotch away.
''Is she a hooker?''
I feel the sharp glance of Janna from behind me, and step one step back from her.
''I won''t risk Janna, in exchange for a third rate hooker.''
"My name is Raska. Raska Mafu." (Raska)
As Screeny already described it, she''s above average at best. The only special feature about her, is the golden hair. Everything else is completely unnoticeworthy.
"Follow me, Raska. I have something to tell you." (Me)
Her face breaks out in pure bliss.
''Damn, they really need to have been religious, for her to be so happy about talking with me.''
"Yes!" (Raska)
I take her behind a shed, the villagers in the background still chanting.
"I will do anything for free! You''re special!" (Raska)
''I''m pretty sure she''s a hooker...''
Why is the village chief a hooker?
''Maybe the entire village are hookers?''
Care to check it out?
''Nah, I have a religion to establish. But for that, I need at least one who knows the real me.''
"Are you a whore?" (Me)
The bliss escapes her face as fast as it appeared.
"I beg your pardon?" (Raska)
"A slut, hooker, prostitute, call-girl, member of the oldest profession." (Me)
Her confusion doesn''t change.
"Do you fuck people for money?" (Me)
Her confusion clears up.
"Ah! Yes." (Raska)
"Alright, my first declaration is, that every girl in this village changes her profession to prostitute. At least every religious woman." (Me)
"...wat?" (Raska)
"For your information, that just now was all an act. I''m not a God yet, just a very strong boy." (Me)
"..." (Raska)
"And the girl, who started the chanting, is my sister. We came here, because there''s most likely something evil, which threatens the world." (Me)
"..." (Raska)
Her mouth is wide open again, in disbelief.
"Come on, it''s like I''m talking to a wall." (Me)
"Well, that was just disappointing." (Raska)
"My mother said the same when she gave birth to me." (Me)
A second of uncomfortable silence.
"See it positively. Since I picked you to spread my message, you can be considered a holy woman in this village from now on. And if you spread the religion, then you can become even more famous." (Me)
"And how am I supposed to spread the message of prostitution? It''s not the most reputable profession..." (Raska)
I push my hand into my inventory, and pick out the first, random item.
Name: Staff of storms
Rank: Unique
Attack: /
Option: 1. If aimed at the sky, a hurricane will appear with the strength of a natural disaster.
Magic circles: Takes mana from the environment (None needed by the user)
''I guess that''s enough.''
Yeah, just shrug a natural disaster off.
I point the staff at the sky for a second, and immediately cows and carts start moving towards it.
"Here. Tell everyone I gave you that, and they should believe in my strength." (Me)
I hand her trembling hands the staff.
''To be honest, I just wanted to make a fan with that staff. It was pretty hot this summer.''
"Now, to get to business. Who is the evil and what are they capable of." (Me)
She continues to stare at the failed attempt of a fan, with a blessed expression.
"Oi, I need information, or else this world will most likely get fucked." (Me)
She snaps out of it.
"Ah, yes, of course." (Raska)
She clears her throat.
"The most imminent danger, which also burned our village and stole our goods, is the bandit group from the mountains." (Raska)
"Great name." (Me)
"They don''t have a name, since they''re just a branch of a bigger organisation." (Raska)
"Let me guess. You don''t know the name of that mysterious organisation." (Me)
''Man, I''m getting bored of calling it "the evil organisation"...''
"I actually do." (Raska)
"WHAT?!" (Me)
"The organisation they serve under-" (Raska)
Dramatic pause.
"-is called "Ark"." (Raska)
"That was way too disappointing." (Me)
"And the bandits from the mountains ride dragons." (Raska)
"WHAT?!" (Me)
Its me... ya boi... God
Dragons.
Large, serpent-like creatures that appear in many folklores and cultures. Their strength is supposed to be unrivaled among their fellow mythical creatures.
Typically, they''re feared by everyone for their sheer power, which is able to eradicate kingdoms in the matter of seconds.
''And now I''m supposed to fucking fight them, even though it''s just the second world I''m visiting. Fuck my life.''
What are crying about? You knew that you''d have to fight them one way or another.
''It''s just that I thought, that I''d get a bit more fucking time, before I have to throw hands with them. Preparation is vital in a fight with stronger beings.''
So you won''t just go at them, like you did with every other opponent?
''Do you think I''m retarded?!''
Quite so, yes.
''No, I''m not. My plan was, that I''d scrap together a whole army, like last time, and additionally collect a few ingredients for poisons, which could help me. Then I''d level up a notch, to be able to inscribe a new magic circle inside of me, and then take them on.''
Right, you don''t have a slot left, do you?
''I actually do have 2 left. Lol.''
Wat.
''I don''t know why, but my body seems to be able to hold a few more magic circles than a normal body would do. Maybe it''s because of my "Extreme magic potential", but I don''t know the exact reason for it. That''s why I have one slot left. The other one is still vacant, because the "Etheral Body" is just a reactive circle, and does not put a toll on my body.''
I look in front of me for a second.
Raska is deep in thought about how she should spread my religion. It seems that, even though she''s a hooker, she has something in her head.
''But one of the vacant slots is gonna be taken away soon, I guess. God, I hate to speed up my plans.''
"Raska." (Me)
Her way of thought gets disrupted suddenly, creating a surprised look on her face.
"Yes?" (Raska)
"You don''t need to worry too much about how you''ll spread my religion. I just need you to serve as my prophet." (Me)
"Huh?" (Raska)
I stand up from the kneeling position I was in.
"Janna, come here." (Me)
"Yes!" (Janna)
Janna steps out from the shadows, like a fucking assassin.
"THERE WAS SOMEONE THERE?!" (Raska)
"Yep. This is my little sister, Janna." (Me)
Janna glances at Raska for a second, before giving her an annoyed face.
"Don''t you even dare approaching him." (Janna)
"WHAT?!" (Raska)
"Janna. I need your help with my next move." (Me)
She turns her head erratically, and looks at me with hearts in her eyes.
"Yes! What is it, dear?" (Janna)
"I need all the buffs you can give, concerning mana. All of them." (Me)
"AS YOU WISH!" (Janna)
She touches my forehead once.
You have been buffed 5x! (I ain''t gonna send this message 5 times. Fuck you.)
Mana Regenration +1000%!Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
Total Mana +20%!
"..." (Me)
"Is it not enough?" (Janna)
I pat her head, like the good brother that I am.
"No, you did a good job." (Me)
''DAFUQ?! 1000%?! I ALREADY KNEW ABOUT THE 200%, BUT 1000%?! AND SHE EVEN BOOSTED MY TOTAL MANA!''
"A really good job. But now comes the ugly part." (Me)
I take out a simple knife, and heat it up like I''ve always done.
''What should it be this time, Screeny? My right arm? My thigh?''
HOW ABOUT YOU CARVE YO DICK?
''...no?''
I would say, you should place it at the left side of your chest, right next to the trainings-circle. It''d be the most efficient.
''At least one of you isn''t a daft cunt.''
Aaayyyy, fuck you lmao
I put the knife on. The scorching heat burns through my skin like butter, but I can''t even flinch.
The basic circle is done in a matter of seconds.
"WHAT IS HE DOING?! WHY IS HE CUTTING HIMSELF?!" (Raska)
"Shut up, parasite. He has to concentrate." (Janna)
"PARASITE?!" (Raska)
I draw the first set of arcanic runes. Those indicate the purpose of the magic circle.
''Improvement of mana regeneration.''
Each symbol consists of more than 8 strokes. Since some of them need to be stacked on top of each other, I need to be careful not to make a single mistake.
The worst case is...
''Well... death.''
The arcanic runes are done.
*A LOT OF ANNOYING SOUNDS!!!!!!*
Sweat drips from my nose, partly from the concentration, partly from the pain.
''SHIT! THIS HURTS!''
I begin with the second of 4 layers.
More runes to support the first layer.
The blood and sweat starts to block my sight, but Janna wipes off both of them, gently.
And then licks it.
WHAT?!
I beg your pardon?
''You heard the narrator, and now shut the fuck up.''
The pressure from missing even one stroke increases, the more symbols start to gather.
I already feel the mana in the environment gather around me way more, and my own mana pool producing more at a time.
The third layer of foundation circles is finished.
The fourth soon follows.
"I''M FUCKING DONE!" (Me)
A new magic circle has been added to your body!
Effect: Increase of base MP REGEN by 1500%!
Mana gathers around you more easily!
Creatures, who have a high mana affinity, are more easily seduced by you!
"EASY!" (Me)
I pull Janna into an embrace, as a reward.
I think she has been rewarded enough with your blood and sweat.
Oh right, there was still this:
The God of Mana has taken interest in y-
''Yeah, fuck that. I decided that I''d go against the Gods, so the "God of Mana" can eat my ass for all I care.''
The God of Mana has never been insulted like that before! His likability dropped heavily!
The God of Lightning liked your decision, since she had a long feud with the God of Mana! Her likability to you was raised heavily!
''Oh, and fuck all the other Gods while I''m at it. Fuck you all.''
You have insulted all the Gods! Their likability dropped heavily!
The God of Lightning liked your decision, since she had a long feud going with all of them! Her likability to you was raised heavily!
''She had a feud going with... all of the Gods?''
She''s not very popular.
''HA! I LIKE IT!''
I clear my throat, and massage it while I''m at it.
"Dear? What are you doing?" (Janna)
"I''m preparing for my biggest spell, yet." (Me)
I seep a constant flow of mana out into the environment, and link my voice to it.
Even more mana gets released, and spreads over kilometers.
My new Mana regeneration fights against it, regenerating about 112 MP per second.
"Dear? Why do I feel you all around me?" (Janna)
"Sister, give me a minute. I''m trying to spread my mana over the kingdom." (Me)
"WHAT?!" (Raska)
Using the environemnt as an extension for my own mana pool, I fill it with my mana, which is constantly being replenished.
I feel every living being inside of this domain. Every building, stone, atom. Everything feels like it''s in my command.
Step 1/? complete.
''Great, more questions.''
Slowly, my mana pool is running dry, and I feel the limits of my own consciousness getting overwhelmed by so much information.
''I guess this is my limit.''
A third of this whole planet, is now filled with my mana.
"People!"(Me)
My voice resounds from everywhere, louder than anything heard before.
From my mana, I feel that every single living being is turning their attention to my voice.
"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" (Raska)
''Isn''t she sick of asking that already?''
"It is I, God."(Me)
''Fuck, this is more taxing than benching a truck.''
"I have descended, to help my followers in need. This world is being raided by an evil force, called "Ark". Ark has been raiding the poor villages of this world, and is still doing it with immense power... and dragons."(Me)
At that moment, the citizens of every kingdom fall into a state of dispair.
"DRAGONS?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" (King of the human kingdom)
"ORC SMASH DRAGONS!" (Orctribe chief)
''Plagiarism, Author. Watch out.''
"But how do we know, that you really are God?" (Queen of the dark elves)
I take the staff from Raska, point it at the sky and pour the last of my mana in it, to enhance the effect.
Result: A huge storm, continent wide.
"Enough as a proof?"(Me)
"Quite so, yes."(Queen of the dark elves)
"That''s why, I want you all to send your best troops to me, to-"(Me)
"Where are we right now?" (Me)
"Hege Village, in the human kingdom." (Raska)
"-to Hege Village, in the human kingdom. This will be our base of operation."(Me)
"But why would you need our help, if you are God?"(Queen of the dark elves)
"Just fucking do it. I''ll explain shit later. Oh, and bring some rare ressources. I need them."(Me)
You dropped in character at the end.
''It''s already difficult to speak like that, so, naturally, I''m getting even more annoyed if someone asks questions.''
I disperese the mana in the environment, and finally my mind is free from the unbearable pressure.
"And now, all we need to do, is wait." (Me)
Their troops came in about a week, even though it needed a few more thunderstorms and natural disasters to convince them.
That''s how the prelude to the fight against dragons started.
Fuck
Well... hi. The author, Voidness, here.
Didn''t expect me to talk to you directly like that, huh?
Well, I didn''t really expect it either, so don''t sweat abo- THIS STORY IS DROOOOOPPED!
Well, here ya have it. U( ? ?U)
Y''all are most likely wondering why I''m doing this, huh? I mean, why drop a story which is still entertaining for a reader?
Cause you''re a daft cunt, that''s why.
That''s one reason for it. The other one is, that I''m really just not having fun with this story anymore. I can tell you what I want, but it''ll always come back to this.
When I first started this bad attempt of a fucking story, I really just did it out of fun. I was incredibly bored and had way too much freetime, so I thought "Why the fuck not? Just try it, what''s the fucking worst that could happen?"
That''s where it began. I had a lot of fun at first. I got people to laugh with my shitty sense of humour, I was finally occupied with something and I had fun too while I was at it.
I just kept on writing and getting out a chapter a day. I wrote like a fucking maniac, just because it was something new in my mundane life.
But the fact, that I just did it out of fun, was in the end my downfall. I didn''t plan ANYTHING! After MC met Lydia, I had no idea anymore, on what to write. I didn''t know what characters I should introduce. I didn''t know what the next arc would be. I didn''t kow how to continue with this shitty story in general.
At that point, I just kept pulling some fucking plotpoint out of my ass, and rode on it like Kim Kardashian rode Ray J.
But boy, lemme tell ya. I''m a bad jockey.
The lack of a plan did a harsh blow on my drive for this story. It was always the same thought: "Fuck, I need to get the chapter out by the end of the day."
I even started to find excuses, so I didn''t have to think about that.
That''s how the "A chapter a day", degraded to "A chapter every three to four days".This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
And you were very lazy.
Fuck off.
Once this prolonged period of time between the chapters started, this story just became a bother to me. The lack of a plan, made me not look forward to writing another chapter.
Fuck, I can even say that I was intimidated by the thought of writing another one. Looking at a blank draft, and still wondering what you would write about, is pretty scary, you know?
Just pull through you fucking pussy.
Oh, I did pull through. For the last 40 chapters, I pulled through. I didn''t want to disappoint anyone who liked this story, so I kept on writing, pulling plotpoint after plotpoint out of my ass.
To be honest, I don''t even know how the present arc would play out. I just wrote what came to my mind, haphazardly.
But I''m pretty much fed up with this. Forcing myself won''t get this story anywhere.
My inexperience at the beginning didn''t make it much better. It made me introduce too many characters at once, making them way too shallow. I mean, there were so many girls in MC''s harem, that I didn''t know where to put them anywhere in the story.
Except of a few ones, which I''ve concentrated on (Yu, Lydia, Aline), I didn''t like the characters at all. I was downright bothered by their plain existence.
YES, THAT EVEN INCLUDES BELKA!
DON''T YOU DARE TALK SHIT ABOUT MY WAIFU!
HER CHARACTER WAS JUST CUTE, THAT''S IT, AND YOU KNOW IT!
So, by now, I didn''t enjoy the characters and the plot. That''s where I decided to stop, and here I am.
I''m incredibly sorry, if y''all are in any kind sad or disappointed at the moment, but this is it for me.
Oi, won''t you even give the most popular character a few words to say?
Belka is''nt here right now.
*Clears throat*
Hello, boiz and gals, my name is, as y''all know, Screeny.
Done?
Fuck you.
But while I''m at it, I can at least say a few words of parting.
So now comes the emotional shit, watch out.
While I did force myself writing this, I still had a ton of fun. Pretty contradictory after all this speech, right?
To be exact, I had a lot of fun with the conversations of each character. How they each treated each other differently and how I came to love how they looked inside of my head, and not in the story.
While looking shallow and bland here, they were lively and fun inside of my imagination.
Now that I think about it, I like them way more than I would''ve ever imagined. Just picturing them and their behaviour as a family really puts a smile on my face.
I guess I just hated their bad execution.
Fuck, I''m tearing up a bit...
This is a farewell with these characters. I at least have their image inside of my head, and that''s all I get, I guess.
This is also a farewell with y''all. You guys were my first experience of a community, and, to be honest, y''all guys were fucking crazy.
You played along with my jokes and even made me, the author of "A Fool fooling around in another world", get weirded out.
But the brief conversations were incredibly fun, and also contributed to the last 40 chapters I''ve put out. I never had so much fun, while chatting with someone.
For good times sake: Fuck y''all and hail the guild master.
This is a farewell with all of this I''m leaving behind.
...
Fuck.
Prologue of the new story: New phone, who dis?
Screams echo around me, all of them filled with pure agony.
Maybe they''re screaming because they''re burning in the bazing flames, which fill my environment, or the endless torture is the cause of that, who knows?
*WHIP!*
"*Moan* Harder, Daddy!" (Me)
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" (Azaus)
His grip on the whip tightens visibly, and he lashes out once more.
*WHIP!*
The thorns bury themselves deeply into my skin. Each time they hit me, a good chunk of flesh goes with them.
"COME ON! PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT!" (Me)
"I FUCKING CAN''T! I DON''T WANT TO TORTURE YOU ANYMORE!" (Azaus)
The goat-legged demon in front of me lets go of the whip, infuriated. His eyes show a beautiful mix of anger and confusion.
"Already starting to give up? I thought that you were supposed to be the one who would "finally break me"?" (Me)
His breathing becomes heavier, showing how angry he is, but he doesn''t answer my provocation. His snout just exhales, as if he sighed.
The flames around me sear my wounds together.
''Man, hell is such a thoughtful place. They don''t even let me bleed out.''
Azaus spits in my face with contempt.
"You''re here even longer than me. No wonder that I can''t fucking break you." (Azaus)
The spit rolls down my cheek. It only takes seconds before it corrodes through my flesh and leaves a hole behind.
''He even has acidic spit, eh?''
"I don''t know if the spitting was supposed to be some kind of punishment, but, to be honest, I''m kinda turned on." (Me)
"Fuck this." (Azaus)
One last time, he penetrates my stomach with an acid dripping dagger, before turning around.
He jumps over the river consisting of lava, and leaves me completely alone.
''Fucking hell, finally.''
As soon as he leaves my sight, I move my tongue around and pull something out with a *Clink!*.
The key to my shackles is stuck between my teeth.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
''Fucking faggot. Didn''t even notice me stealing it right from his dick area.''
I spit the key out into my hand, and search for the lock on my overly clichd shackles.
''But for real though. Who the fuck would really just put a fucking ball of metal on some of the worst criminals in the multiverse? The devil must be retarded.''
After a bit of fiddling, I feel the lock touching my hand-
''Ouch.''
And immediately burning my finger off.
''Scratch the part with "just a ball of metal". This is some kind of fucking cheat.''
A pulse of energy is being emitted by the lock, not letting anything near it.
''But not that I hadn''t planned for something like that in the last 500 years.''
I scrap together the tiny amount of mana I was able to save up in my whole lifetime here, and push the "anti-approach" spell back.
They key enters the lock, signaling my freedom.
I stand up from my kneeling position, for the first time since centuries. To be exact, for the first time since another demon ordered me to stay like this, about 1500 years ago.
"But now I''m free." (Me)
A real smile appears for the first time on my face in ages.
''Have you finally done it, my dear?''
A voice invades my mind. Clearly a girly one.
"Yep!" (Me)
''I''m so glad! Now I can finally make you mine!''
"Yes, you can!" (Me)
My body feels extremely sluggish.
I make my first step.
"And who exactly are you?" (Me)
Just as I finished my last word, my vision becomes dark.
I regain my consciousness bit by bit.
First, I feel my bones start to shift around.
''Not as bad as Kuprik''s "Puzzle of bones" tho. What kinda fucked up idea was it, to completely rearrangemy bone structure, and then forcing meto put it back in the right order? I FAILED IN BIOLOGY! IT TOOK ME 60 YEARS!''
Then my muscles being ripped out and uniting with my fresh bones.
''This actually feels quite pleasant.''
And finally, my skin being torn apart.
''Had that too often already. Doesn''t even make me flinch.''
As I reminiscent about the good memories of my past, I manage to open my eyes.
"A desk." (Me)
Covering my vision, is the bottom of a table, standing above me with it''s four metallic legs.
I look around me.
''A class.''
About 20 students look at me with an aghast expression.
I look at myself.
''A skirt.''
The skirt is clearly made for females, but 2 hairy legs are sticking out of it.
''A dick.''
I''m clearly feeling my dick, so I''m not a girl.
''Hail Satan, I''m still a dude. But still, weird situation...''
I stand up with a grunt. My body feeling weirdly unfamiliar.
I notice how the stares of my classmates are burning through my very soul. Not a single sound is heard, in contrast to the constant screaming in hell. They''re just looking at me, with their mouth wide open.
"What? Never seen a dude wearing a skirt before?" (Me)
''I''M NOT A DUDE?!''
Another voice invades my thoughts. Once more, it''s a girl.
''New phone, who dis?''
''WHY ARE YOU IN MY BODY?! GET OUT!''
''New phone, who dis?''
''I''M THE OWNER OF THIS BODY!''
''Huh... weird, since, clearly, I''m the one who''s controlling this body.''
''FUCK OFF!''
Suddenly, as if the second girly voice in my head wasn''t enough, a screen appears in front of me.
''New phone, who dis?''
At those words, I feel a dark emotion spread through me.
''He''s not dead yet, eh?''
| Well... how should I say this... Welcome to the apocalypse! |
''WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!''
''Could you be quiet, while inside of my head?''
A loud roar comes from the hallway, breaking the pleasant silence from before.
''That sounds quite familiar.''
Suddenly, a huge foot pushes the classroom door out of it''s hinges.
''Ah, Orc.''
''ORC?!''
''STOP SCREAMING!''
Guess it
It
Is
Time
YOU FUCKING DAFT CUNTS!
Now that I''ve had a break for over 2 months, I''m finally back with my new story! It''s been a while you twisted fucks!
After overcoming the procrastinator inside me, I finally sat down and planned a bit of the shit out. I have the first few arcs planned. The first few heroines and the MC''s path in the future e.g. the future plot!
I''M FUCKING HYPED! I CAN''T LIE!
In those 2 months I''ve been fucking busy, I can tell ya that. I was playing a shitload of Monster Hunter World, searched for some dank ass memes and finally had some time to catch up on the anime I wanted to watch. Man, I had a blast.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
And now it''s fucking time for everything to start over again...
Hehe...
Fuck, I need my rope...
Well, anyways. The new story is called "How to have fun in an apocalypse". Go search for it if you still want to read my amateur shit.
Or you can just click this link: How to have fun in an apocalypse
To be honest, I was extremely sad when this story ended. I didn''t really had the drive to write anymore, since I didn''t want to start this all over again.
But after seeing y''all daft cunts be so disappointed and, I just had to be generous enough to bless y''all fuckers with my-
Fuck off
...You shouldn''t even be here anymore.
But I am. Watcha gonna do about it?
Not write your lines anymore. How about that?
That''s what I thought, bitch.
Well, anyways. I really hope I''ll see ya daft cunts in the comments over there.
Peace, I''m outie.