《Crap: The Epic Adventure》 The best day ever I woke up on Tuesday, maybe Wednesday...actually, could it have been Saturday? Whatever, the day doesn''t matter; all that matters is that i had my mind set on being great. The sun hadn''t risen yet is was still dark af outside. I did what anybody would do and took my ass back to sleep, you though i was going to be productive? Are you dumb? When actual daylight came i thought about getting up but then i thought "but sleep though.." an i took my ass back to bed a second time. Finally after about a 14 hour nap i get up from my bed and go down stairs. While down stairs i take a sword from the fridge and throw it out the window to let some air in. I check the oven for goblins and i find about 2 in there. I stab them in the face with my face cause their rent was over due and stuff their bodies in the fridge. After that i take the trash out and feed it to my next door neighbors son, they''re raccoon furies. I then go for a run to the store and on my way i see a couple of trap houses getting busted for having too many traps, the max capacity of males dressed like females in every house is none, they had 15. I get to the store and tell the clerk that im behind on the the rent and the clerk lets me skips the rent to get to the front of the line. i ask for a backpack, baseball bat, a black sword, and fire magic. the clerk gives me a satchel, a shank, water magic, and an indestructible football signed by Mac Notwen. I call the clerk a bitch and he shanks me with my shank and then hands it back to me, i call him a pleb and flood his store with water magic but he reverses it with time manipulation. "You just gave yourself time manipulation?", i said confused. "No i actually got it from one of the traps down the street for a quick one", clerk says with a smug and disturbing smile on his face. "Gross" i said with the straightest face possible. Clerk gets mad and then hits me with chaos magic and turns me into a black hound. he puts a spiked collar around my neck that makes me submit to him.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. He tells me that if i resist i will be sent to hell and be have to watch "Boku no Pico" on repeat till i like it and no matter what i always get aroused. The clerk looks at me and tells me "who''s the bitch now, bitch. you will be my familiar and help me clerk this store. from here on out your name is knives:the bitch." I make peace with my new life and have no problems with being his familiar. clerk tells me to go outside, well technically he said "get on the corner and my guap bitch" but i like to think he said it nicer. Outside i notice that no one wants to pet me so i come to the conclusion that i must be ugly so i run across the street, gets hit by a car, everyone in the car died but i was fine, didn''t even move actually. however a spike on my collar fell. Anyway i make it across the street and go in to the beauty salon and ask for them to fix me. the stylist pulls out a pistol and says "this is all we have, im afraid." She shoots me in the head, the bullet doesn''t kill me but it did go through my head. at the same time another one of the spikes on my collar falls off. I deduce that every spike on my collar represents a life. so with that in my mind the stylist shot me 2 more times in the head and 2 more spikes fall. Getting shot was getting annoying so i run out the salon but the stylist is chasing after me yelling, "i fix. i fix you up good, dog bitch dog." My master comes out the store with a beard and gray hair, apparently he was messing around with time and he got stuck as an old man. he sees me running and yells, "why are you running. you cant die." I yell back. "i just want to be beautiful." crying profusely. Clerk Master og yells back and says, "bite that hoe." My master is obviously a genius because i turn back around, dodge her bullets and bite her arm. the sylist drops the gun and writhes in pain. her arm begins to spark chaos magic and she tuns into a black hound as well but instead of a collar she has dog tags around her neck. "What the fuck is this", the stylist now turned into a hound screams. "Why am i a hound almost as ugly as that black bitch" I say, "first, first, first of all, bullet bitch (yes that is her now from now on), that was racist. second of all you shot me three times so how is me biting you that bad. third of all, master kill her." Master Master says, "first, bullet bitch, good name. second, you cant die unless i die. third she cant die unless you die, shes technically your slave. every time you bite someone weaker than you knives, you make them apart of your pack and your power rises in the process. everyone you bite has rules placed on them just as you have with me just not as strong. I look at bullet bitch and she tries to run for it. i block her path before she leaves. she whimpers and lowers her head reluctantly saying, "what are your demands, master knives" With a menacing stare and a sinister cackle i whisper her my commands. "If you fail to follow my orders, i send you to hell, period." She shakes her head in terror as i laugh a kingly laugh, i had won the day. Over my laugh however, Master MC yells, "bitch you aint me, theirs no way you can send that bitch to hell." Knives & Bullet: The Adventure It has been 3 months since I have become Masters familiar and Bullet Bitch has become a part of my pack. I hate her with all my soul, i want to kill her but i have close to no power. Master Caster told me that to gain more power i have to do 1 of 2 things: fight intruders to the store and eat them afterwards gaining their power or assimilating enough people into my pack. The problem with both of those options is that no one comes to Master Old Master''s old ass store and ever since i assimilated bullet bitch, i have had no time to myself. Since my power over her isn''t that strong, the only thing i can do is to keep her close to me, i cant shut it off. Even if she disobeys me all that happens is she gets turned into a laptop, shes usually transformed for about 3 hours but today its been five. i walk into the store and knock some snacks over, OG MC then rips my tail off, reverses time, rips it off again, summons fire and incinerates my tail. "WTF OGI-SAMA CLERK-SAN!!!", i said in sooo much fuck mothering pain. Master then grabs knives(who is currently a laptop) and stuffs her in my mouth.Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. "Fuck both you. I thought you two would make a little progress in these months but neither of you have leveled up at all!! Go out and find something to kill, get stronger. Both of you." Master kicks us out with gravity magic. He said he got from a homeless futanari for "a couple of rounds". I was wondering why he was walking with a limp last week. So i start walking, BB still in mouth, when i realize that i still have my shank Master gave to me that time that he shank''d me. i get so excited that i take off runnin full speed, 3x faster than a regular hound. At some point in time B2 falls out of my mouth, I keep running because its B2 who gives a shit. 20 mins pass and i make it to the town over, Oni Cho. That town is the soul inhabitants for every demon and the perfect place for me to level up and make SENSEI proud of us. Us? Me, yep definitely. I walk around town and immediately feel eyes on me. i aint a bitch though so i keep on walking, head held low on the ground because it just got chomped off by that Bitch. "Hi, master.", B2 says with the nastiest smile i have ever seen in my life. "You left me a while ago, I tell you that because of course you didn''t know. I mean you wouldn''t just leave in Random City .In laptop form. By myself. Right? B2 stares at my completely alive head with the same eyes she had the day i assimilated her. "ARE YOU CRAZY, YOU CRAZY BITCH?!?!.", I say really trying to figure out if that Bullet bitch is crazy or not. I calm down "I am your master you do no-." I black out. suddenly, before B2 has time to react, she is engulfed by a thick murky fog. She begins to feel dizzy and falls to the ground but before she passes out she sees three mysterious figures through the fog. Knives & Bullet 2 Bullet wakes up after being knocked out by a mysterious fog. She looks around and she cannont see where she is at, it is too dark. She feel that her legs are tied and she has a muzzle around her mouth. Bullet starts thinking "Where the fuc-." Bullet falls alseep. For her, thinking is too strenuious of a task so her brain instictivly shuts down. Just then the three figures that Bullet saw appear in the room. All three of them clad in grey bandages that hid everything except for their mouths. Their eyes crimison red, shining so bright that they illuminate the room. "The fuk is that." Said the tallest of the three "This bitch looks delicious, I dont care what she is." Said the shortest one. "imma nut in her." Again stated by the shortest one. "CHILL YO, CHILL!!!." Exclaimed the tallest one. He looks around and notices that one of them has dissapeared. "Where the fuk is Toyol." Toyol reappears with a bag of his favorite cereal in hand, Cinnammon toasters. "Hey, whores." Toyol says non chalantly. "Nova, did you let Ronove nut in that whore over there. Cause that would be wierd." Toyol says eating hand fulls of Cinnamon Toasters. Nova shakes his head, tired of the talking. He walks over to Bullet on the other side of the room. He reaches his tatered hand down to touch her. Before Nova gets to however, Bullet wakes up and begins to roar a powerful roar. Her scream is so powerful it breaks her muzzle off. She breaks free of all her ropes and tries to bite Nova''s face off. Her eyes, bloodshot with rage as she gets closer and closer to Nova, a swirl of chaos energy surges around her. Nova then cocks back for a punch. Unbenounced to Bullet though, Nova was going to stop before the punch connected. Bullet see''s the punch comming and immedietly gets subservient.This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. "OUUUU!! I almost hit her." Nova says angry to worried Bullet then turns around points her nose to the floor, lifts her butt up, and starts waging her tail, panting heavily. "YOU MAY DO WHAT YOU WANT TO ME MASTERS, IM NOT PICKY, DO WHAT YOU WANT!! HIT ME, DRUG ME, DO DRUGS ON ME!! IM NOTHING, IM YOURS, IM ALL YOURS!! YOU DONT HAVE TO LOVE ME, JUST VIOLATE ME!!!" The room is dead silent. No one moves or says a word. Everyone is in shock with the disturbing, crazy words that came from Bullets mouth causing Nova, Ronove, and Toyol''s mouths to drop like dumbells to the floor. The silence isnt broken until Bullet, still in the same position says, "I liked it rough even before i became a dog." "YO WHAT THE FUK!!" Nova says, his mind completely blown away by all that knives had said. "WHAT IS YOUR DEAL, LADY!?!? WHY ARE YOU IN OUR HOUSE ACTING LIKE THIS." "This must be her sick game Nova." Said Toyol. "Ive heard tales of "them" but i didnt know they existed. " "Oh no! You dont mean..? YOUR''RE RIGHT SHE''S BREATHING!!" Toyol and Nova get serious. Not serious enough for Toyol to put his cinnamon Toasters down but its that serious where "someone get veins on their forehead and dick at the same time" serious and black chaos energy swirls around them, bandages flagging in the rising wind. They rush her, blowing the walls off the room in the prosses, the light invelopes the room. They both scream out a "good shit" scream. Not like the one where "you scream but then water splashes in your butthole and you feel a little gay" but that scream when "you been fighting that monster shit out for a good ten minutes then you give it one more hard push and dump it all out at once" type of shit. "SHES A THOOOOOOOOOT!" They cock back their fist and blue and black chaos energy emits from their fist. Bullets eyes begin to glow pink and she turns around in a battle stance. She was cool with getting beat in a sexually way but she sensed she would die from their attacks so she decided to "test her powers out". She jumps and rushes them, her body parrel to the ground as she gets ready to shout once again with all she has. Just before either of their attacks get inn contact with each other, all three of their attack dissapear and their bodies are slammed to the ground. For some reason nothing happpend Ronove. He''s in what was te corner of the room crying and talking to himself. What was the room is filled with black mist and out of the mist is knives. However he appears to become bulkier with a red tint to his black fur, his tail has grown back and he''s grown to extra heads both with wild, jagged, and sharp teeth and forming at the mouth. "WHAT THE FU-" Says bullets before she realizes she cut his ead off last time she saw her master. So she plays it smart. "Master i was sssoo worried. where have you been my benevolent sir." Knives left head looks at Bullet and says "Ive been in hell. Met a guy, called himself The God Of Death, whatever that means." Teamup All three of Knives heads speaks and tells every to "Listen to our tale", in a deep booming voice. "I have been in a place unlike any i have seen before. It was kinda shitty. Not as shitty as this dump though." Knives says mockingly to Toyol, Nova, and Ronove. "I was just gonna tell you how i got so bad ass then let yall off with a warning after i killed Bullet." They look over to Bullet and see her laughing while crying tears of complete "oh shit i fucked up" tears. "Like seriously, the fuck is wrong with yall. Be ashamed honestly, im pretty sure ive stepped on at least 6 cockroaches, i have twelve of them on the bottom of my paws, ill let you do that math." As knives continues on with his rant, toyol reaches for his Cinnamon Toaster but to his surprise they are turned into ash because of Knives gravity magic. Toyol is furious and is able to muster the strength to fight against Knives'' gravity magic. He gets up with dark red energy streaks around his whole body. They begin to swirl and travel to his legs causing his leg muscles to swell enormously and he rushes over to the other side of whats left of the shitty house. Toyol tries to round house kick Knives, still complaining about the house. "Who in their right mind puts used condoms on the floor and why are they all stiil in the wrappers? This House is backwards-" Knives stops talking to see that Toyol''s kick hadn''t even reached him. In fact, Toyol is face down on the ground, unconscious with steam coming off of his body. Knives looks at Bullet and sees that she has shot a sound blast at Toyol before he got to attack Knives. "How the fuck did she break free of our gravity!?!?" Knive''s middle head says to his other heads.Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! "yum Dum." says the right head. "Hum Drum." says the left head. The way knives power works is that by him having three heads he can choose which head he wants to be in control of. When Knives is in control of one head, usually the middle head, the other two heads have a much lower intellect than that of Knives. Knives could choose to use all three heads but that takes too much power to control for constant use. "ouuu yall aren''t even stoopid in a cute way!!" Says knives dissapointed agravated. "I did good master?" Says Bullet desperately. Before she could say another word, Knives shoots flames out of his left head and kills Bullet until she is ash on the floor. He lifts his leg up, pisses on the ashes of bullet and goes over to Ronove, still in the corner crying. Knives tells him to look him in the eye, Ronove asks "which ones" and Knives proceeds to eat him using all three mouths. After eating Ronove, Knives lifts his gravity magic from Nova. Nova then proceeds to raise his hands exlaiming "CHILL, YO!! CHILL!!!!" Knives eyes glow dark purple and a portal opens up above Nova''s head then encompasses his whole body and Nova dissapears. Toyol wakes up still mad about his cereal being crushed and one again rushes Knives. Toyol prodouces so much red energy that it starts to burn his wraps. This time Toyol does a Might Guy kick and almost reaches Knives face but he tore his ACL and dropped to the floor rolling in pain. Knives, in control of his middle head, spits gasoline onto Toyol and watches him catch fire and burn to death. "Lets see how about we all go for ice cream when they come back. What do you guy think?" Knives asks his left and right heads. "Cunt??" The left and right heads say as they see that Bullet has come back already with a new pink streak running down her front left leg and a collar on each ankle instead of around her neck. "Thats a little bit better i guess. I guess the results fit the punishment, right knives? Had a blast didn''t ya? How many years did you get anyway?" Knives ask with a smug and somewhat impressed look on his face. "yea i prefered the laptop and your still an asshole but your''re right, the 50 years of punishment was worth the results." Says Bullet At the same moment a massive cloud of chaos energy appear and out of it came three hounds. The tallest one had blue streaks on the sides of his legs and a collar on the ankle of his front right leg. The second tallest one has red streaks on the side of his legs and a collar on his back left ankle.The shortest one..was a bitch. Knives looks at them all with a smirk and says "well, well, well, looks like i cant deny..this is a pretty crappy team." Side Chapter: Knives In Hell "-Master!!" says Knives, completing his sentence he was saying to Bullet in Oni Cho. Knives'' had notice that his locale has changed. He looks around and sees that he was now in a very dark room with a single dim light bulb. Knives walks over to where the light is and finds a VHS tape. "I''ve teleported to the stone age?" Knives says jokingly. "I don''t see a VCR or even a t.v for that matter, thing might as well be as useless as a bike with spikes in the tires. " Knives then notices the words on the VHS spell: "TRAINING ARC!!!" Knives ponders, not knowing weather it was legit or if Boku No Pico was on the tape. After % minutes of thinking he decides to take a nap and sleep off the pressure of his decision.Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. Before he can fully fall asleep however, the tape of the VHS starts to wrap around Knives body. The tape is slowly sucking him into itself but knives isn''t going down without a fight, he uses every last bit off his chaos energy to explode with power. Knives explosions does nothing to the tape and was so ineffective that the light bub barely felt a gently breeze from it. Knives starts to panic and wriggles around but to no success as he is being sucked even harder and faster into the the tape. And just before Knives was sucked in, he hears the Theme song to Boku No Pico play. Knives screams of dread and panic are muffled by the ominous, demonic singing of: Koi wo shiyou yo kisu suru mae ni Koi wo shiyou yo mou hanasanai Itsumo no sora ga mabushiku naru ne Dokidoki no mune hora kikoeru Kaze ga hashiridasu Knives is completely sucked in the VHS. The Pack "You are all now apart of my pack. i aspect more than nothing from you, well most of you." Knives says while staring at Ronove. "I think your missing something here, master." Says nova gritting his teeth. "And what is that number 1" says knives speaking to Nova, "YOU FUCKING KILLED-" Nova pauses. "What do you mean by number 1?" knives tell Nova he''s number 1 because hes the strongest. He hates to admit it but Bullet is second strongest, tied with Toyol but wont tell her cause fuck bullet and instead calls her number 3. Knives was about to tell Ronove that he was a bitch but he was in the corner shaking and whispering to himself "Maybe they wont notice." Toyol asks "now that their we''re a part of your pack, whats our mission?" "Before you came along we were the only demons left in Oni Cho, all of the rest died from servants looking to level up in power. We haven''t been apart of something in decades so i need to know, if i am to call you master, What is your resolve!?!" Knives looks and smiles at Toyol. "My resolve? I think i finally have an answer. I was thrown into this whole thing by my own master, MC Clerk Master. I didn''t know why i followed him so easily, almost as if i was a character written by a bad author, i had no direction. I don''t have to accept this life i was given by that man, i could have fought to my last breath but, i didn''t because that man, he was respect personified. He demanded it from you and i had no choice but to be submissive and follow him. But at the same time i do not want to be him. I want to be better than him, i want us to be better than him." "Yall are my pack, and i am his familiar, so are actions affect him no matter what. Toyol, Nova, Renove, and Bullet i promise to all 4 of your that my resolve i that of respect. We shall hunt and protect, we''ve been given a new lease on life that much im sure. With that we will be the best we can be, not just for masters sake but for ourselves." what was left of the room turned silent until a laughter broke out from Toyol, Nova, Renove, and Bullet. "HAHAHA!!! You actually say something worth listen to and its completely out of character." Says Bullet hysterically .Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. But then she stops laughing, her face blushing, she''s smiles and says: "Seriously though, no matter how stupid they may have sounded coming from you, it was actually sweet. Thank you master Knives." she bows to Knives, nose touching the ground. "Yea what she said, you showed me your''re not just some three headed idiot. I give you my thanks as well, Master Knives." Toyol says bowing his head "Your more honorable than i first perceived sir. I give you my loyalty." Nova bows his head. "I agree with what you said and all, im down to follow you but i need to know one thing." Renove asks anxiously. *sigh* "Yes Renove, you can nut. But only once every Blue Moon." "Good enough, thanks Master." Renove bows his head. With Toyol, Nova, Bullet, and Renove all bowing to Knives, a purple aura manifest over all of them. Knives starts to chant an incantation. "Ra Tul No Se Buh Lo Mutei." "Ra Tul No Se Buh Lo Mutei." "Ra Tul No Se Buh Lo Mutei!!" The purple aura creates a portal above them that sucks them in and teleport''s them inside of the Corner Store. Toyol, Renove, and Nova all look around and check out the store, not as impressed at they had envisioned. "Well guys my first order of business for each of each of you is as follows. Bullet watch guard outside." "On it, Master." "Toyol, since your''re the fastest i want you to clean the store, all the supplies are in the back." "Back in a flash, Master." "Nova, you seem like your''re good at keeping thing in order, I want you to check the inventory, make sure we got everything on the list in entirety. If we don''t kill the traps in MC Masters basement, They like to steal." "Already on it, sir. I see a trap now reaching for the rainbow pop. THUNDER PAW LVL1!!" Yellow lightning surrounded Nova''s Paw and he leaped forward. A trap died. "Lastly, Renove i want you to count the money, make sure we got a 50 in there with "call Haku for a good time" written on the back." "You got it, Boss...wait Is Haku a-" "Yea Haku''s a trap. MC Masters favorite actually." "..cool." says Renove trying not to think about what MC Master does in his spare time. While everyone was off doing their individual task assigned by Knives, over in hero city the people are in panic. A man claiming to be Death is slaughtering innocence with a black scythe through the streets. "WHAT?!?! IS THERE NO HERO THAT CAN STOP, DEATH?!?! I HAVE BEEN KILLING FOR 3 HOURS AND NOT A SINGLE HERO, I GUESS I''VE SCARED THEM ALL AWAY!!! ALL WHO LIVE SHALL. KNOW. DEATH!!" At that moment a man appears in front of death. His face is covered with black sunglasses and a bandanna around his mouth. He was wearing an apron that says "Mountain Dew Me", yellow cleaning Gloves, a hair net, and slip resistant shoes. The man pulls out a broom that was sheathed like a katana. Death falls into a fit of anger and rushes the man standing about 20 feet away in the blink of and eye. He cocks back his scythe yelling "ALL WHO LIVE SHALL KNOW, DEATH!!" Before Death could swing, he was knocked out from behind by the mans broomstick and falls to the ground. The people of hero city applaud the man and a little girl runs to him asking what his name is. The man then picks up the girl on his shoulders and places his broom vertical in the air and the broom starts to float. He sits on it and fly about 30 feet in the air and begins to speak. "I clean up trash like him everyday. I know it gets rough in hero city every now and then especially with Hero Guard gone. i assure all of you, i will fill the hole left by their departure." "This young girl wanted to know my name. My name is ALL MI- oh shit copyright, i am, NEVER-ENDING!!!!!"