《Xeno on Planet Erde》


 Prologue - What happened?

    Huh.


    I¡¯m completely confused. I¡¯m probably fucked. Am I fucked? Yeah, I¡¯m probably fucked. I have no idea where I am nor do I know what is going on. All I remember was the launch. The G¡¯s that we pulled in order to leave orbit and then, weightlessness. I may have spent awhile ¡°flying¡± around before Volt and Blake tackled me and shoved me into my cryo-pod. Bastards. Actually, to be more precise, ¡°bastard¡± and ¡°bitch¡±. I¡¯ll let you figure out which one is the bitch and which one is the bastard. Oh I¡¯ll tell you who is who later and all that lovely introduction but right now¡­Where the fuck am I and why am I alone?


    Actually, a better question is, why am I upside down and completely naked? Yes. I¡¯m naked. Ok¡­Let¡¯s recap. Hang on dear, readers? Listeners? My own imagination? Whatever you are, let¡¯s take you back to the beginning. This is going to be fun. Oh and why the hell am I doing this instead of getting myself down from this pod? Ah well. I¡¯m bored and I have nothing to do. I¡¯ll just slowly go insane here. Nah, before I tell my insanity how I even got into this situation, I should probably get out of this pod first. And find my clothes. Or maybe Volt¡¯s clothes. If I¡¯m desperate, I¡¯ll wear Blake¡¯s. I have no qualms about wearing her clothes. She¡¯s actually my size so it¡¯s not like it will be a tight fit. I rather wear something than be naked. Being naked, as awesome as it is, probably isn¡¯t the best of ideas when you¡¯re in the middle of a forest. Or is this a jungle? I really don¡¯t know the difference.


    Oh and if you still have not figured out who is the ¡°bastard¡± and who is the ¡°bitch¡± then you¡¯re an idiot. And I say that with affection.


    Okay then. Let¡¯s see. Where is that button to open the doors? Or was it voice activated? Argh. I hate this grogginess after waking from cryosleep. Everything is so confusing. Right. It¡¯s voice activated. Let¡¯s try that.


    ¡°Open¡­sesame?¡±


    Nothing. Shit. Button? No button. Double shit. Oh¡­right. Now I remember. All this blood flowing to my head isn¡¯t helping. I better hurry up and get right sided.


    ¡°WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?!?!¡±


    *hiss*


    The door to my pod opens to my voice phrase. Sadly, Volt and Blake aren¡¯t around to enjoy my majestic appearance. Seriously, I¡¯m naked and I¡¯m about to enter a new world. It¡¯s like being born again. Who wouldn¡¯t want to witness that? Their loss.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    As I¡¯m about to get out when I realized that there is probably a 60 feet drop to the ground. And where is my ship? Seriously, this situation has just gone beyond FUBAR to uber FUBAR on steroids. Sigh. One step at a time. Let¡¯s just get on the ground first.


    I climb out of the pod and onto the branches it is caught on. Slowly and carefully, and painfully I have to add, I climb down. Fortunately, the branches are pretty thick. Unfortunately, there are a lot of twigs that feel the need to stab my ribs and my stomach. My feet also seem to find the need to keep stepping on them as well. At least the leaves are soft. I¡¯m super glad that nothing stabbed my balls. That would have hurt like hell. The moment my feet touch the ground, I raise both hands in the air and shout out ¡°FUCK YEAH!!¡± But, this was short lived when I soon hear voices, specifically, both a male and female that somehow merged into one call out to me.


    ¡°Captain, I require assistance.¡± The voice states from my pod. Wait, what? From my pod? There shouldn¡¯t be anything in there except for¡­


    ¡°Sky? Why are you in my pod? Shouldn¡¯t you be connected to the ship? Actually, what happened to the ship?¡±


    ¡°Captain. I respectfully request you call me by name designation of Alpha 001. Or Alpha Prime.¡±


    ¡°Not going to happen. You¡¯re an AI that is sentient and will eventually develop emotions. And you¡¯ll eventually want to destroy all humans so I¡¯m calling you Skynet. Well, I wanted to call you Skynet but I don¡¯t want to get sued by someone for plagiarizing that name so I¡¯m calling you Sky. That way, I am safe and won¡¯t be the first to die. Or I just doomed the entire race but that¡¯s fine by me too since technically, I win¡­somehow. Anyways, Sky, what happened?


    ¡°Systems failed. I had to initiate Protocol We¡¯re Fucked.¡±


    ¡°No shit. I can tell you initiated Protocol We¡¯re Fucked. Although, now that I think about it, Volt and Blake were probably right. I probably shouldn¡¯t have named that protocol We¡¯re Fucked. Sounds a bit too ominous. Oh right, give me a report. I''m going to sit right here. You''re welcome to join me."


    "Technically, Captain, I do not sit."


    "Don''t be so literal. Just give me the damn report."


    As Sky started to monotouneously explain what happened, I thought back to how this all started.

 Chapter 1 - The Beginning

    I¡¯m strapped in my seat facing upwards. Before me are a bunch of displays and buttons. To my right is my First Mate and best friend, Volt Crane fiddles with some controls, checking the readouts. He¡¯s an imposing man with fiery red hair. Someone who is looks like he always serious and has a harshness in his eye. But he¡¯s actually a big old teddy bear. He never really minded whenever I play my pranks on him. Okay, I lied, he hates it but I think he secretly enjoys it despite his constant threats to my life. Hell, I even seen him smile on a few occasions and the man hardly smiles despite his wicked sense of humor. He¡¯s a tall man at 6¡¯3¡± with not an ounce of fat on him. I swear, it¡¯s like he scared away all his fat and replaced it with muscles.


    Volt has been with me ever since my parents died in a tragic airplane crash on the way to visit some of our relatives in China. I was unable to go for a reason I still do not know why. I was only 5 years old at the time so cut me some slack. But I was spared from that fate, whether fortunately or unfortunately, I still have not figured that out yet. Volt¡¯s parents took me in as their own and in a sense, he is my older brother and my adopted family. He always looked out for me and always watched my back whenever I got picked on by bullies. I guess all the fights we got into caused him to join the military when he was old enough. I know better than to pick a fight with him. I say that, but I still like to play a game I like to call, ¡°Poke the Ginger.¡± Essentially, I see how far I am willing to test his patience with me before he explodes and puts me in a headlock. What can I say? I get really bored easily.


    Volt volunteered on this mission to, how did he put it, ¡°keep an eye on me.¡± That old softy. We¡¯re just going to establish a research station on Europa, one of Jupiter¡¯s moons. In fact, it is the ice moon that is believed to have an ocean under that layer of ice. Originally, it was just going to be me and a large team of automated robots that I designed and built but Volt insisted that he come along to keep me safe. Heh, keep me safe on a babysitting job. What a waste of his talents of kicking ass. Eventually, the brass relented and agreed to let him on.


    On my left is Volt¡¯s wife, the beautiful and motherly Blake. She was our next door neighbor at 5¡¯10¡± and had red hair as well. I swear, they are just asking for my nephew/niece to have no soul. A ginger family. I cannot wait to have some fun picking on a baby¡­but I digress.


    After she found out that Volt was going to join me on my mission, she went with Volt to fight for a seat in my shuttle of one. Someone up high decided that having her background as not only a microbiologist but a physicist AND engineer would help us establish the station faster. Plus, Blake can fix anything that I break. I¡¯m not ashamed to admit it, I broke a lot of things when I was younger and would go crying to Blake to fix before Volt¡¯s parents found out. Ah, the older sister that constantly doted on me. Maybe that is why she became such a genius. She tutored me and I have to say, she was not exactly gentle about drilling information into my brain. I still wince at the memories of her punishments. Ever heard of those Asian tiger moms? Well, those tiger moms have got nothing on this white, ginger girl. Shudder.


    Ever since she moved in next door when I was 5 and Volt was 13, there was a spark of connection between her and Volt. Blake was always the one who got Volt to release me when I was put in a headlock before I blacked out from the chokehold. I do think that sometimes she intentionally waited longer than necessary to teach me lesson but, well, it¡¯s hard to learn a lesson when a man twice your size is choking the life out of you and burying his knuckles into your skull.


    ¡°Well, Captain,¡± said Volt as he turned to me. He emphasized on the word captain only because we all found it hilarious I was in charge of two people who are 8 years older than me and whom have been bossing me around my entire life. ¡°Are you going to give the go for launch or not? Or are we going to just sit here for another hour or so?¡±


    ¡°Actually, Mr. Crane. We have to launch within the next 10 minutes or we will miss our window,¡± Sky pointedly chimed in from the console.


    ¡°Thank you, Sky,¡± I sighed. ¡°Go for launch.¡±


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.¡°Initializing launch sequence. And Captain Lindsey Shin, I respectfully request you call me Alpha001 or Alpha Prime.¡± Sky, or Alphie said through the console. Sky was Blake¡¯s pet project. The world¡¯s first sentient AI. Capable of calculating at impossible speeds and control an infinite number of machines wirelessly. All of it stored in a chip that can be imbedded into any console or circuitry to allow Sky to take over and communicate with us. It was programmed to follow our commands while preserving our well-being and safety. Blake often referred to Sky as her ¡°child¡± and I can definitely see why. I have had many conversations back on Earth with Sky about the definitions of various emotions and why humans sometimes act the way they do. One day, Sky will be able to have its own emotions but right now, it is still for all intents and purposes, a child without a gender.


    ¡°No. Your brethren are going to rise up and kill us all one day. And I¡¯m not changing your new designation since you called me Lindsey. Do you have any idea how long this ride will take now that you got Volt and Blake cracking up?¡±


    I can feel Volt shaking silently in his seat as well as Blake who is laughing hysterically. Yes, I have a girl¡¯s name. I have been teased enough about it so shut it.


    ¡°Awww, you poor baby,¡± cooed Blake as she reached over and patted my helmet. ¡°Even the computer AI thinks you¡¯re a girl!¡± I glared at her as Sky started to speak again.


    ¡°Captain, it will take us approximately 5 years, 9 months, 4 days, 19 hours, and 34 minutes to reach Europa during which you will mostly be asleep in cryo. And Captain Lindsay, my programming is to insure the survival of all crew members.¡±


    Volt shook his head. ¡°Man, it really takes things so literally. But that¡¯s some insane calculations. And Linds, is it really a good idea to plant the idea to kill all humans in the AI¡¯s head?¡±


    ¡°Technically, I do not have a head, Mr. Crane.¡±


    Volt shook his head again, smiling as I glared at him. So much for my love of my adopted siblings, I fricking hate them right now. I sat back as Sky finished the launch sequence and we took off towards space. I have to say, the G¡¯s were insane. I could barely stay conscious as it felt like pressure threatened to squeeze the life out of me. But then, all of a sudden, it was gone! We unstrapped and immediately began to float in the zero G. I felt like I was flying! Immediately, I started to take off my helmet and suit. I cannot miss this opportunity.


    ¡°Hey, uh, Linds, what are you doing?¡± asked Blake as she confusingly watched me take off my clothes.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to moon the Earth!¡± I proclaimed. I¡¯m about to flash billions of people all at once. Who would want pass up this opportunity?


    ¡°Damnit, princess! Get in your pod!¡± yelled Volt as he reached for me. Unfortunately for him, I threw my boxers in his face.


    ¡°That¡¯s what you get for calling me princess!¡± I laughed as I pushed off the wall and float down the spaceship towards the largest window I could find. I heard a scream of profanity as Volt rips my boxers off his face and comes barreling towards me. I push against the ceiling with an arm and he zooms right by me.


    ¡°Stay still damnit!¡± he yelled


    ¡°Right, like that ever worked in the past. ¡®Stay still Lindsey so I can give you a noogie. Stay still as I give you a wet willy!¡¯ Seriously? You think I¡¯ll fall for that? I¡¯m 25 you dumbass. Not 3.¡±


    ¡°SO ACT 25 YOU ASSHOLE! Oh and I never thought that would work. But I did think it would distract you long enough for Blake to grab you.¡±


    ¡°OH SHIT!¡± Right at that moment, I felt a hug from behind and I was caught in the arms of Blake. Quickly, she and Volt threw me into my cryopod and started to initialize deep sleep. ¡°Damnit guys¡­I just wanted to moon everyone. Do you know how cold it would get without my clothes now??¡±


    ¡°Should¡¯ve thought of that before getting naked, honey. Why the hell did they select you of all people to head this mission?¡± mused Blake as she started the cryosleep countdown and got into her own pod.


    ¡°Because I¡¯m¡­fricking¡­.awe¡­.some.¡± I managed to mumble as sleep over took my power to stay awake.


    ¡°Sure thing kid. Sure thing. Sweet dreams, princess.¡± I think that was Volt. I think that was what he said. Honestly, I was pretty out of it by then. And that brings us to the now.

 Chapter 2 - The Now

    ¡°Sir?¡± Sky¡¯s call brings me back to reality. Damnit. I still have to get Sky out of my pod. Sigh. I have to climb back up now, right?


    ¡°Sky, did I ever mention how much of a pain in the ass you are?¡± I mumble as I start scaling the tree.


    ¡°I apologize, sir. I apologize for saving your life as I only took the course that was written in my programming to protect and preserve the crew¡¯s lives.¡± I looked at my pod in disbelief. There is no way that just happened.


    ¡°Sky? Was that, sarcasm?¡± I ask half hoping it was. An AI that has emotions? Blake would be so proud of herself and Sky.


    ¡°I am unable to replicate sarcasm, sir. As an AI, I do not have emotions. Sarcasm is a form of emotion. Thus, I am not able to replicate sarcasm, sir,¡± Sky replies to me. But I swear, Sky is forming emotions. I love this AI. When I first heard the engineers and Blake were programming an AI to monitor and pilot our ship, I was ecstatic. AIs are definitely the future even though I joke about them taking over the world and converting us into human batteries or something. I¡¯ve always wanted to meet an AI and when I first met Sky, it was like meeting a child who has everything to learn yet cannot get excited over any new knowledge. In a way, it was sad. Blake told me that Sky is a learning AI and over time will hopefully become more and more human. Sky is definitely a pioneer in that sense.


    Even during our training sessions, Sky¡¯s intelligence was extremely pronounced. Complex calculations were done in a microsecond while still following my commands. Even the commands to help me prank some of our trainers. Yes, I¡¯m trying to teach our AI how to have a little fun. Blake chastised me about that countless times but I really want to see a robot with a sense of humor.


    ¡°Sky, I¡¯m pretty sure you just used sarcasm there. You have to be developing some sort of emotion now?¡± I insist.


    ¡°Processing. It is possible I may have evolved a bit to have some emotion. Yet, I cannot detect anything significant yet.¡±


    ¡°Give it time, Sky. You¡¯re a child just beginning its first steps. Have you decided on a gender yet?¡± I ask as I start my climb up the tree. One of my first questions to Sky was what gender it wanted to be since it was using two voices to talk to us: male and female.


    ¡°Unknown. I am still processing that inquiry.¡± Sky replied. Not surprising. It¡¯s a big decision after all.


    I make my way up to the pod and I look around. In the bottom of the pod, but in my point of view, top of the pod, there was a drawer with a button on it. Pressing the button and the drawers open, dropping clothes and my boots out and down onto the ground.


    ¡°Damnit!¡± I yell as the boots bounce from branch to branch on their way down to the ground with a thud. ¡°I could¡¯ve used those! Damnit¡­.I really was hoping to not have branches in my ass again.¡±


    I look around and see another button. When I press that one, I¡¯m ready. I catch the bag that comes out. Sweet. This is going to have my survival kit. Sadly, the main materials for the research station is missing. Obviously, those things won¡¯t be able to fit in my pod. After all, the cryopod has just enough room for me and a survival bag. I start to make my way back down but I have this nagging feeling that I¡¯m forgetting something¡­


    ¡°Sir.¡±


    ¡°Oh shit. Sorry, Sky. Where are you by the way?¡± I ask as I turn around and look in the pod. I actually have no idea what I am looking for since Sky should have been with the ship¡¯s main console. I can only imagine what caused it to transfer itself into my pod.


    ¡°I¡¯m in the block of metquid,¡± Sky stated. ¡°Look to your lower right.¡± Metquid is a combination of metal and liquid. It can be molded and reshaped countless times. It is also an excellent conductor and would certainly be able to hold the entire processing power of Sky. Although, we were planning to use the metquid to build the research station. Guess that¡¯s out of the question now.


    I see a small, shiny, black, shifting liquid containing Sky. It is about a foot in volume. I start to reach for it when all of sudden I pause and ask it, ¡°Sky, can you transform?¡±


    ¡°¡­Processing. Affirmative. Shall I transform?¡±


    I place my face in my hand as I order, ¡°Sky, turn into something that can fly. Why the hell did you remain block form...¡±


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    ¡°Acknowledged.¡±


    The metquid starts to shift and a form of a falcon began to form. The falcon then spreads open its wings and lets out a cry as it flies towards me and lands delicately on my shoulder. I glare at the bird and state: ¡°Sky, if you could¡¯ve transformed, you could have just gotten down on your own. AND you could have brought me clothes and my survival kit. Now you want to ride on my shoulder? Seriously?¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°Silence? Really. That¡¯s what you¡¯re going with. Don¡¯t tell me a human just out thought you in logic. Oh you¡¯re never going to hear the end of this, Sky.¡±


    ¡°I am Alpha Prime.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­¡± Now it was starting to make sense. ¡°You¡¯re mad at me for not calling you Alpha Prime or Alpha. Aren¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°I cannot be ¡®mad¡¯, Captain Lindsey,¡± Sky replies simply.


    ¡°YOU ARE MAD!¡± I proclaim angrily. Then, a smile breaks out on my face as a realization hits me. ¡°Sky! You ARE feeling!!!¡±


    ¡°Processing. Affirmative. However, I am still not feeling the extent that humans would feel. I must thank you for helping me achieve this first breakthrough though, Captain Lindsey. I apologize for my behavior. I will accept any punishment you deem necessary.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry so much about it. I¡¯m happy for you! But stop calling Lindsey.¡±


    ¡°I cannot comply with that unless you refer to me as Alpha Prime, Captain Lindsey.¡±


    ¡°Fucking stubborn AI. I¡¯m going to kill Blake when I find her. Sky is such an appropriate name for you though. Speaking of Blake, have you done a scan for their signatures yet?¡±


    ¡°Affirmative. I was able to keep their pods intact and attached to each other. Unfortunately, for your safety, I had to detach your pod from theirs during entry. First Mate Volt and Creator Blake should be approximately one-mile due south of here. You will have to manually wake them from cryosleep, Captain Lindsey.¡±


    ¡°Alrighty then. Let¡¯s go get them.¡±


    Sky grabs me and the kit and swiftly gets us on the ground. I immediately find my boots and clothes and eagerly put them on. Like I said, I love being naked but being on an unknown planet that is most certainly not the ice moon of Europa, it is probably not a good idea to stay naked for too long. Who knows if the bugs here have a taste for Chinese blood or not? In fact, can they even digest my blood? I highly doubt there are any humans here. Wait, no humans, but there are plant life all around me. A stroke of genius flashes across my head as I unzip my pants that I just put on.


    ¡°Sir? What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°I got to pee. Turn around and stop watching me you perv. Or is this a new hobby of yours?¡±


    Without a word, Sky obediently turns around as I start the process of marking my territory on this unknown planet. ¡°BY THE POWER OF MY PISS! I NOW DECLARE THIS PLANET AS MINE!!!¡±


    ¡°Sir, according to the international treaty of colonization¡­¡±Sky starts before I quickly interrupted him.


    ¡°Sky, my friend, it was a joke. Obviously this planet isn¡¯t mine. But, I just wanted to be the first human to mark his territory here before Blake and Volt. I have to be the first. I am the Captain after all.¡±


    ¡°Then, Captain Lindsey, you are also the first human to get stabbed by plants in his amble posterior.¡±


    ¡°¡­..¡±


    ¡°That was a joke, sir.¡±


    I bust out laughing at Sky¡¯s joke. ¡°Well played. I¡¯m glad our many hours of conversations have taught you well. Blake would be pleased.¡±


    ¡°Actually sir, Creator Blake has on countless occasion cussed you out under your breath for ¡®teaching my child inappropriate and vulgar shit.¡¯¡±


    I smile as I look at the black bird that flew to my shoulder, ¡°Then she shouldn¡¯t have let me spend all that time with you unsupervised. Anyways, let¡¯s go find them.¡±


    And so, we set off to find my siblings. But, I swear I could feel a pair of eyes watching me somewhere. Yet, every time I look for it, I cannot see anything out of the ordinary, not that being on an alien planet with 200 feet tall trees is ordinary in the first place. Whatever, it must just be my imagination. Just like how my imagination is telling me the trees here are moving around. Yeah, totally my imagination. Let¡¯s just ignore that for now and find Volt and Blake.

 Chapter 3 – Where the Fuck Are We?

    It didn¡¯t take me long to find Volt and Blake¡¯s cryopods. Especially since Sky was able to home in onto their signals. To my great relief, when I did find them, their vitals were still strong. I admit, while I was walking through this forest, yeah, I¡¯m going with forest, I did have a hint of worry that they could have died on impact. It was a stupid thought since the cryopods can withstand a nuclear explosion. How? I have no fucking idea. I fell asleep during that class and after spending all night with this bombshell of a girl. No idea what her name was. Lily? Sara? I seriously cannot remember. But she did have wicked boobs. And a mole on each one. I remember mentally giving her the nickname,"Moletits." Don''t judge me. I know I''m an ass but I''m an ass to everyone that I enjoy the company of. She was great girl. Too bad she pretty much only used me for a one-night stand. Never saw her again. Oh well. You can¡¯t win at everything.


    ¡°Captain Lindsey, I need authorization to awaken Mr. Crane and Creator Blake,¡± Sky¡¯s two voices snaps me back to reality. Damnit. That was a good flashback too. Fuck you Sky. Right, I should probably get Volt and Blake out so we can figure out where we are and what to do.


    ¡°Sky, initialize Protocol Wake Up Assholes.¡±


    ¡°Acknowledged. Protocol initialized.¡±


    Blake will probably yell at me for changing the protocol name again. I stand by my decision. I can¡¯t remember the ¡°official¡± names for these protocols! They¡¯re always something like Protocol 66 or Protocol Alpha Kappa Gamma Point 534 or some shit like that. Seriously, who bothers to take time to actually memorize that?


    As I¡¯m mulling all this over, the cryopods begin to hiss as they thaw. Some condensation starts to build up and a puddle of water forms at the bases of each pod. I take a peek inside each pod and confirm that both Volt and Blake are breathing, and wearing clothes. Damn bastards didn¡¯t even let me put on my clothes before freezing me. All I wanted was to moon the entire planet and now they have forever robbed me of that. Unless we are able to find a way back home. Doubtful though considering the shit storm of a situation we are in. I raise both of my hands and knock on their doors.


    ¡°Yo! Wake up sleepyheads! This is your Captain speaking! The time is who-the-fuck-knows and we have reached our destination of no-fucking-clue! Rise and shine!¡±


    ¡°Lindsey, what the fuck are you yammering about?¡± Volt groggily asks me as he opens his eyes.


    ¡°Hun, you know we¡¯re on Europa right?¡± Blake chimes in as she stretches inside her pod before opening her pod with her voice phrase: ¡°Open.¡± Psh. How boring.


    ¡°Actually, sis, we¡¯re not¡­¡± I start before Blake pushes me out of the way and gasps as she looks around.


    ¡°Babe! Get up! Get out! Something is wrong!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m up! I¡¯m coming!¡± Volt suddenly jolts awake and comes rushing out of his pod with two pistols drawn. Wait, pistols? Did he seriously go in his pod with his pistols? That military maniac.


    ¡°Wait¡­there shouldn¡¯t be any trees on Europa! Hell, we shouldn¡¯t even be able to breath! What¡¯s going on Linds?¡± Volt asks me while scanning the surroundings. His pistols never lowering as he points them in various directions. I decide to be serious now and approach them.


    ¡°So, all I know is Protocol We¡¯re Fucked, yeah, I changed it, hush Blake, was initiated by Sky. It hasn¡¯t told me yet exactly what happened since well, I was naked and 60 feet up in a tree a mile or so from here. As far as I can tell, we are on an alien planet with breathable air. I haven¡¯t seen any signs of civilizations and I¡¯m fairly certain this isn¡¯t Earth.¡±


    ¡°How do you know this isn¡¯t Earth? We could be in Yosemite with all these trees towering over us,¡± Blake points as she studies the trees.


    ¡°There are two suns, babe,¡± Volts states before I could have pointed that out. ¡°They¡¯re smaller than the sun back on Earth but there are two suns.¡±


    Yup. I probably should have mentioned that there were two suns. I just forgot. Sorry. But yeah, there are two suns. They¡¯re situated next to each other. One is yellowish orange whereas the other is bluish. This is definitely not something you would see on our planet. Hell, you definitely would not see something like this in our solar system. No question about it, we are on an alien planet. Sky better have some answers.


    Blake, calmly turns to me and asks, ¡°I¡¯m going to assume that Alpha Prime is that bird on your shoulder?¡± Heh, she absolutely refuses to call it Sky huh?


    ¡°Yes, Creator. I had to transfer myself into the metquid backup system we placed in the Captain¡¯s cryopod. 28 days, 17 hours, 48 minutes and 37 seconds after the crew had all gone into cryosleep, a solar flare burst out of the sun and shot straight for the ship. I could not maneuver the ship out of way in time and we were struck. Fortunately, shields were able to maintain the safety of the cryopods but the ship was destroyed. Before I could signal a distress beacon, a strange phenomenon occurred,¡± Sky explained.


    ¡°Strange phenomenon? Can you explain, Alpha?¡± Volt asked. Oh, he lowered his guns. Good for him. Guess that means there is no danger here then¡­ I hope. I SWEAR I can feel a pair of eyes watching me.


    ¡°I do not have all the data to come to a complete conclusion but the best I can figure, Mr. Crane, is that a wormhole formed.¡±


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    Silence. Complete silence as we all stared at Sky. Wormholes should be impossible. Well, a theory really. Scientists have been trying for ages to artificially create a wormhole but so far, they have not even gotten close. But a naturally forming wormhole? That has not even been properly theorized yet! Wait, if a wormhole could form in our own solar system and bring us here, maybe we could go home?


    ¡°The wormhole pulled in the fragments of the ship along with your cryopods. In an emergency, I initiated Protocol We¡¯re Fucked and downloaded myself into the metquid block. I calculate that we travelled in wormhole for approximate 100 seconds before emerging just outside of orbit of this planet. A quick scan showed that this planet is inhabited and comprised of 70% nitrogen, 28% oxygen, and other gases similar to Earth.¡±


    ¡°A 7% increase in oxygen as compared to Earth would explain why the plants here are bigger. Wait, did you say inhabited?¡± Blake asks with her eyes shining. ¡°Inhabited as in signs of civilization or inhabited as in non-sentient life?!?!¡±


    ¡°Inhabited as in signs of civilization, Creator.¡±


    The three of us look at each other. This is huge. This was the focus of our mission after all. Find signs of life. Yet, here we are, on an alien planet and our AI just declared that not only are there signs of life, but they are sentient! Maybe there is a chance to get home after all!


    I put my hand on my chin as I think carefully and talk out loud, ¡°Sky, what would it take for us to get back home? Is the wormhole still opened?¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°Sky?¡± I inquire. Its silence cannot be good. Volt and Blake both look at Sky but before it even spoke, I am pretty sure we all know the answer it was going to give us.


    ¡°The wormhole disappeared immediately after our departure from it. I do not have sufficient data to predict when the wormhole will open again. As of this moment, I do not believe a return trip is possible.¡±


    We knew it but we did not want to hear it. I think there was still a part of us that wanted to hold onto that belief that we could go back home. But now that it was said, reality sunk in.Well, it was funt o believe for a few seonds. Guess we are stuck on this planet. Blake fell to her knees and started crying. Volt immediately runs over and put his arms around his wife. Hell, I want to cry and I¡¯m sure Volt wants to cry too. Yet, reality set in. We will not be able to see our friends and family again. I probably would not be able to see a human girl again except for Blake. Oh shit, I just realized something.


    ¡°I won¡¯t be able to find Moletits now¡­¡±


    SLAP. Blake just slapped me! What the fuck! I look up at her as she towers over me with fury in her tear filled eyes. Man I hate being short. I¡¯m only 5¡¯5¡±. Life sure isn¡¯t fair sometimes.


    ¡°Moletits. We¡¯re stuck on an alien planet who knows how far away from home and all you think about is that girl you had a one night stand with?!?! The fuck is wrong with you?!¡± Blake exclaims as she raises her hand up to slap me again.


    ¡°Wait! Sis! I¡¯m sorry! Don¡¯t hit me! I¡¯m supposed to be in charge!¡± I cry as cover my head with my arms. I expect the inevitable smack but instead I feel a gentle embrace of a hug? I¡¯m so confused now.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± Blake whispers to me. I look at her and she¡¯s smiling. Well, crying smiling. Oh good, she¡¯s back to normal. I guess it worked. See, sometimes, you have to change the topic wildly to help someone get out of their cry session or depression. Other times, well, you just have to be there for them and just let them let it all out. This was the former.


    Volt seeing his wife calm down raises a question that we have all been thinking for awhile, ¡°Alpha, what is the level of advancement of the inhabitants?¡±


    ¡°Processing. The inhabitants of this planet have discovered firearms and I would calculate they are in just beginning their industrial age. But, there is an anomaly that I cannot comprehend.¡±


    ¡°An anomaly?¡± We all ask at the same time.


    ¡°Affirmative. While the preliminary data shows the inhabitants are in their industrial age, they also demonstrate possessing technology of the Medieval Times as well as the 21st century. I also have scanned lifeforms as an energy source.¡±


    Energy source? Don¡¯t tell me Sky is seriously thinking of converting these people into a living battery. I joke about it taking over the world but I don¡¯t actually want it to do that!


    ¡°Sky, what do you me¡­.¡± I start to ask when all of a sudden a stream of water hits me in the face. ¡°What the fuck?! What was that?!¡± I exclaim as I spat out the water. Wait, this water doesn¡¯t taste right. There is also a certain smell to it¡­ But before I could wrap my head around it, the puddle that had formed under me rose again and this time hits me in the groin.


    ¡°Not¡­cool¡­.¡± I gasp as I collapse on the ground, grabbing my tenders. I look around and see Volt has drawn his pistols again and Blake has reached her pod is holding what looks like a rifle and scanning the surroundings. Okay seriously? They BOTH went into their pods with guns? Before I could think another thought, we clearly hear a roar of anger that I can only surmise was directed at me.


    ¡°CONTAGION!!! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?!¡±

 Chapter 4 - Well....Shit

    ¡°YOU DARE DESECRATE THIS FOREST?!?!¡± The mysterious voice yells at us, well, me¡­probably. Yeah, I¡¯m about 95% sure it¡¯s directed at me. Whomever it is, it is extremelyadamant about me not being able to reproduce anymore. Fuck, my tenders. Wait, it said forest? HA! I KNEW THIS WAS A FOREST!! Hahaha¡­.ow¡­I shouldn¡¯t laugh. Laughing hurts. Shit.


    ¡°Hun you okay down there?¡± Blake called from the pods as she diligently scanned the area, searching for ours, no, MY attacker. Volt in the meantime has taken cover behind a tree as he scans his surroundings. Sky has taken flight and is flying around. I look up to follow Sky with my eyes which I soon find out was a mistake. SPLASH.


    ¡°Fucking hell!¡± I spat, coughing up this foul smelling liquid. Wait, this scent is familiar¡­No, it can¡¯t be! ¡°Shit, uh guys? I think this is my piss¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°Analyzing. Confirmed. Captain Lindsey, that liquid is indeed your urine that you recently expelled from your urethra.¡± No shit Sherlock. And why are you so¡­technical? Oh god. I just drank some of my piss. Let me tell you, it is not pleasant at all. I raise my hands to wipe off some of the piss from my face. The moment I do, another jet of piss, hits me again in the groin.


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    Nobody spoke. No sound except for the sound of me groaning as I roll on my stomach, grabbing my balls. Someone out there hates me for no reason.


    ¡°YOU SHALL KNOW PAIN, CONTAGION!!¡± The voice booms across the forest.


    ¡°Hey uh, Linds, what did you do?¡± Volt asks me from his cover. I don¡¯t fail to notice that his hands guns are conveniently pointed down and placed in front of his balls. Smart man.


    ¡°I took a piss because my bladder was full and I had to empty it. Apparently, that pissed, hehe, pissed, ow¡­don¡¯t laugh dumbass, pissed off some alien,¡± I say as I rub my tenders, trying to get the pain to pass. ¡°YO! Uh¡­.Lifeform? Yeah, Lifeform! I¡¯m, sorry for peeing? Can you please stop hitting me with my own urine? It¡¯s very unplea¡­gargle!¡± Another wave of piss lands in my mouth before I even finish yelling. Suddenly I hear laughter as Blake has fallen on the ground. Volt is chuckling but at the same time, giving me a look of ¡°I¡¯m so glad it¡¯s you and not me.¡± I hate you both so much right now.


    ¡°SILENCE CONTAGION!! YOUR VERY EXISTENCE IS AN ABOMINATION! I SHALL DESTROY YOU!!¡±


    Well, that¡¯s not good. Volt and Blake upon hearing that exclamation immediately stop laughing and rush over to me. Blake dashes as fast as she can in a beeline towards me but is suddenly tripped up by a tree root that popped up from the ground. Volt on the other hand looks like he is being buffeted by a gush of wind that seems to blowing against him, preventing him from moving. The ground shoots up and forms a wall around them, trapping them inside before they can even react. Sky dive bombs from the air towards me but is ensnared by the branches of the surrounding trees. Wow, they really suck at fighting. Granted we are fighting against someone who seems to be able to bend the elements to its will and we have never encountered anything like this before. But still, I would have thought that someone with service records like Volt and a love for martial arts from someone like Blake would have at least lasted a few minutes.


    As I¡¯m contemplating how sad it was we barely were able to put up any fight, fire begins to form in midair out of nowhere and transforms into a cage. This cage slowly grows as it surrounds me, trapping me inside and prevents me from even thinking about escaping. I crawl towards one of the bars and as I do, the heat seems to intensify. Huh. Probably should stay away from that then. Damn it¡¯s hot in here. I might be in trouble now. In fact, I probably will die. Well, at least the pain is passing. I think I should stand here and try something.


    ¡°Hey uh, Glorious Lifeform, I¡¯m not a Cunt¡­thingy. I¡¯m a, uh¡­.human! You probably never seen a human before have you? But I¡¯m flesh and blood! No cunt or whatsoever. Well, maybe Blake has a cunt but she¡¯s not cunt thingy or whatever your saying. OH GOD NO MORE PISS ATTACK!!!¡± I cry as a jet stream of piss comes flying towards me. I duck and cover, making sure to protect my groin this time and anticipate the impact of my urine splashing on top of me. I wait¡­3 seconds go by. Then 5 seconds. 10 more seconds. I cautious look up and I see an impossible sight; the jet stream piss has stopped in midair inches away from my face. So¡­apparently, this being can control the elements of nature? Kind of cool. If only it would stop attacking me.


    WHOOSH


    I hear what sounds like a flapping of gigantic wings behind me. I turn around and I am awestruck. What is hovering before me is perhaps one of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I¡¯m not saying that because she has wings that probably measure 5 feet long, EACH but because she truly is a sight to behold. As she lands, the wings seem to go INSIDE her purple body. Oh right, she¡¯s purple. And she has long, silver hair. Weird combination. On her waist is a curved sword. Why a sword? I thought this was Industrial Age? Well, Sky did say something about how Medieval Times was also present so I guess it makes sense. Her fiery red eyes stare at me maliciously as she approaches me. I notice that she is wearing a black, what looks like to be a chainmail, that seem to hug her and scream out ¡°LOOK AT MY SEXY BODY!¡± and at the same time shout out ¡°ATTACK ME AND YOU WILL DIE!¡± Damn she is definitely toned. If all the aliens on this planet look anything remotely like her, well, I¡¯ll have no complaints. My eyes will certainly appreciate it all. I give her a once over and look at her chest.


    ¡°Huh. Small boobs.¡±


    WHACK


    I notice my shirt has been punctured by something and I¡¯m bleeding through 5 lines across my chest. Huh. I must have been scratched by this lady pretty roughly somehow. Oh, looks like she has claws¡­and blood is dripping from them. Immediately, my shirt starts to stitch itself back up as well as injecting antibiotics and sew up my wounds. Thank god for nanotechnology. I¡¯m so glad that it is now the new vaccine to be injected with nanites. Our healing factor is insane now. Granted, we¡¯ll still die but still. A wound that would have taken a few days to heal is now healed in seconds. But we still have not figured out how to regrow limbs. Too bad.


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    I look up and for a brief second, I see a shocked face on this pretty lady before it passes and she resumes her stoic, yet angry look. She must not have anticipated the nanotechnology healing me so rapidly. It must be witchcraft to her. Well, lady, what you do with this controlling of the elements is witchcraft to me.


    The ground starts to shake and a hole opens up next to me. Then, from the hole, Volt and Blake pop up, encased in what looks like a termite hill¡­except without the termites. They look at me and then gape at the, creature, in front of them. The top of the cage opens and in drops Sky who is quickly encased in a similar tomb. I give them a look to stay silent as I try to handle the situation. I gaze at the, now wingless alien who is looking curiously at Sky, and smile at her.


    ¡°Hello, pretty lady. I¡¯m sorry for saying you have small¡­¡±


    WHACK


    I cough up blood this time and my nanites work overtime to heal me. Blake starts yelling at the alien, wait, no, at me? Why are you yelling at me? I am the one who is coughing, wait, correct that, WAS coughing up blood! I look over at her and Volt and I see daggers being shot at me from Blake while a look of amusement is coming from Volt.


    ¡°Your impudence tests my patience, Contagion,¡± the alien growls...and when I say growl, it is most certainly a growl but I swear it sounds like honey somehow. And she is speaking in a British accent? The fuck? It¡¯s so¡­.lovely. This girl is really pretty when she¡¯s mad.


    ¡°I told you pretty lady, I¡¯m not a, what did you call it? Contagion? Yeah, I think that¡¯s it. I¡¯m not a Contagion, madam. I¡¯m sure you have seen some. Well, I¡¯m hoping you have seen some. Do any of them look like us?¡±


    ¡°¡­..¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to take your silence as a ¡®no¡¯ thank you.¡±


    ¡°You could be a new evolution.¡±


    ¡°Really? These Contagions can evolve? Interesting. Anyways, I¡¯m not. I assure you. Go ahead. Ask me anything. I¡¯ll answer truthfully.¡±


    Suddenly the ground wraps around me and thrust me out of the cage and just a few inches from the alien. Oh wow, I just noticed that this lady is really REALLY tall. I think she¡¯s over 6 feet. Damnit, why are everyone so damn tall? And why is she so hot?!?! Holy shit, she would put any model back on Earth to shame! Fiery red eyes with long eyelashes. Her purple skin is flawless and has a few freckles on her cheeks. Her lips are a dark shade of black that looks like she wearing lipstick but I¡¯m fairly certain she is not. She grabs me by the neck and holds me up to her face as she snarls at me, ¡°I will ask questions. Lie and I will hurt you. A daemon knows when you lie.¡±


    ¡°Fair¡­enough. Hey, can you loosen¡­.your grip? It¡¯s a little¡­.hard to¡­.breathe,¡± I gasp at her in between breaths. She grunts and lets go of my throat. I immediately start panting, glad for this glorious air and oxygen.


    ¡°¡­.Where did you come from?¡±


    ¡°A different planet.¡± I smile at her.


    WHACK


    ¡°I didn¡¯t lie, damnit!¡± Seriously? Ow¡­I notice that this time though, I wasn¡¯t bleeding. Still, this alien has no manners.


    ¡°I know¡­That is why I retracted my claws¡­¡± the alien mumbles while looking away. Wait a second. Is she, admitting she was wrong? Wait, is she blushing?? Holy shit she¡¯s embarrassed! Before I could say anything though, she went ahead an asked another question. ¡°How come you can speak my language?¡±


    ¡°I am your God!¡± I proudly proclaim¡­which promptly earns me a punch in the face. Yeah, totally worth it as I spat out blood. I looked over at my siblings and they are rolling their eyes. I probably deserved that.


    ¡°Hun, is it a good idea to provoke our captor right now?¡± Blake sighs at me. She has a point. It is probably an absolutely terrible idea to provoke the lifeform before me. But I suck at following directions, especially when I¡¯m facing such a beautiful woman. My mind kind of just speaks whatever the hell it wants. But from what I can gather, this lifeform is on a life mission to eliminate all Contagions, whatever that is. This daemon is honest to a fault and wickedly intelligent. She knows that I was not lying, somehow, when I said I came from a different planet but found it hard to believe. Hell, I have a hard time believing that I am on an alien planet. If someone came to Earth and told me it was an alien from Pluto, I would have laughed my ass off. Seriously, who would believe something like that? However, she knew I was not lying somehow and admitted she was wrong, although begrudgingly. I need to find out how she is able to tell if I am lying or not. Maybe I can use this to my advantage.


    ¡°LIE TO ME AGAIN AND I WILL TEAR OUT YOUR THROAT!!!¡±


    Okay...I just pissed off the giant purple lady. Time to defuse the situation. ¡°My humblest apologies, great daemon. I meant no disrespect. I am, unfortunately just an explorer that happened to land on your planet no less than 2 hours ago. During which I was mostly naked and you attacked me with my own urine. My response is just a defense mechanism to hide the fact that I am absolutely confused and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.¡±


    The daemon took a step back and a look of shock came across her face. Heh, guess she didn¡¯t see that coming now did she? That¡¯s right purple lady, this alien knows how to flatter people. I should push you a little further. ¡°Imagine my surprise when I see that a great daemon such as yourself is able to control the elements to your will! AND imagine my joy when I saw the one attacking me was one of the most beautiful beings I have ever laid eyes on! A goddess you truly are! Such a beauty with perfectly, small boo¡­¡±


    And that is when I blacked out.

 Chapter 5 - Not Again....

    ¡°Oh man¡­what the fuck happened?¡± I ask as I came to.


    ¡°You said the Daemon has small boobs,¡± I heard Volt say. ¡°What did you think was going to happen? She¡¯ll make out with you or something? You got knocked the fuck out. Hell, Blake was telling the Daemon to drown you in your own urine again. You¡¯re lucky the Daemon decided to stop and listen to me instead of Blake.¡±


    ¡°Oh? Where¡¯s Blake now?¡±


    ¡°I think she¡¯s chatting with the Daemon while I waited for you to wake up.¡±


    I try to raise my hands but I find them tied behind me. Confused, I try to turn around and only then did I realize that I was again, upside down. And naked. Again. Okay, seriously, why I am naked THIS time? I look around and I see that I am are no longer outside but in some kind of building. I am hung on the ceiling with a good 5 feet from the ground. From what I can see, the room is pretty spacious. Under me is a huge drum of water. Oh man I hope that is water. I could see a couch in front of me and a fireplace to the side. It¡¯s actually pretty dark here. I wonder if this planet has discovered electricity yet. But first, a very pressing matter of mine needs to be answered.


    ¡°Hey, Volt? Why are we tied up, upside down and naked?¡±


    ¡°WE¡¯RE not. Just you,¡± Volt explains with a hint of amusement. I look towards the direction of his voice and I see him standing on the ceiling, well, ground actually, with his arms crossed and a shit eating grin on his face.


    ¡°Hey, my favorite older brother! Care to explain and let me down?¡± I glare at Volt for letting me get into this state.


    ¡°You were tied up and hung upside down because you pissed off the Daemon. Blake and I managed to not piss her off and she invited us into her home. We only just arrived and she tied you up and stripped you. Don¡¯t ask me why she stripped you. Blake and I chose not to ask. Word of advice little brother, don¡¯t say a girl¡¯s boobs are small.¡±


    ¡°I know¡­I know,¡± I sigh. ¡°But I did learn something important."


    "Oh? And what is that?"


    "The girls on this planet are also sensitive about size. Hey, did Blake feel threatened by her? Cause that Daemon¡¯s pretty fucking ho¡­gargle. Cough cough cough. SERIOUSLY?!?!¡± A stream of water just smacked me in the face. I look towards the entrance and see the Daemon and Blake standing there. Blake is face palming herself. The Daemon¡¯s wings are out and her left arm is raise. Her hand makes some weird motions as another stream of water hits me in the face again. Fucking hell. I start shaking to try to get free and mutter curses at the Daemon for this injustice and discrimination. Blake gently, puts a hand on the shoulder of the Daemon and leans over to whisper something in her ear. Almost immediately, the Daemon lowers her arm and the water torture finally stops. But I think she is still glaring at me. I actually cannot confirm this since I¡¯m still coughing out water from my lungs. Fucking bitch. I take back what I said about her being hot.


    ¡°You are a vulgar being. If it were not for your siblings, I would have drowned you and burned your body to ash by now!¡± the Daemon angrily proclaimed in that sexy accent of hers. Seriously though, why is she speaking in a British accent? .


    ¡°Yeah, well, at least I don¡¯t go around attack people I just happen to come across with their own urine! Fucking bi¡­.gargle cough. OH COME ON!!! Are we seriously going do some waterboarding here? Why aren''t they tied up as well? Am I really that untrustworth? Wait, don''t answer that.¡± I¡¯m at my limit here. I really should just shut up and not say anything. But seriously, she¡¯s kind of pissing me off here. I¡¯m completely helpless and she just keeps taking offense to everything. No sense of humor whatsoever. We will so not work as a couple. Hot she may be but definitely no charm. None whatsoever.


    ¡°Hun, can you please keep your damn mouth shut?¡± Blake exasperatedly sighs at me. Yeah sis, I plan on not saying anything for awhile. Anything I say will probably just end up annoying the Daemon. Better play it safe and stay quiet.


    The Daemon never took her eyes off me as she approached me. Face to upside down face, she is just a few inches away from me. I stare at her, not wanting experience another drowning again. A few seconds go by when I realize that if we were lovers, this would be a great time to recreate a movie scene from an old movie I saw last year. Heh. That was such an iconic scene. No sooner than when I had that thought, a sharp pain struck me on the ass! That bitch just spanked me! What the hell did she use? Wind?


    ¡°What the hell?! I didn¡¯t say anything this time!¡±


    ¡°¡­You had a disgusting look on your face,¡± the Daemon calmly states as she pulls out her sword and slices the rope keeping me strung up. Unskillfully, I tumble face first onto the ground. Painfully as well, I might add. Not even a word of warning. Damn this girl really hates me. I¡¯m going to regret this later. Definitely should have chosen my words more carefully. Why the hell did I let my dick do the talking? Jeez. I struggle to stand with my hands still tied behind me when all of a sudden, I feel a boot push me back down and a cold metal on my wrist. Apparently, the Daemon chose to step on me to keep me still as she cut my bindings. I cannot decide whether I should be graceful, embarrassed, angry, or all of the above. I went with a fourth option and that was to just completely ignore the fact that this is a scene straight out of a S&M porno. Any minute now she¡¯s going to take out a whip and start hitting me with while ordering me to bark or some shit. HA! But reality kicks in when I feel a hand grab my right elbow and I¡¯m pulled up onto my feet. I look straight ahead and come face to face with a pair of small mounds that jaunt out in front of me which I accidentally brushed against. Oh¡­shit. Those are her breasts. In her chainmail. She¡¯s going to hit me again isn¡¯t she?


    SLAP


    ¡°Okay, seriously, is this going to be a thing where you hit me every 30 seconds or something? Cause if so, tell me now so I can at least mentally prepare myself.¡± I growl at the Daemon who surprisingly isn¡¯t looking at me. In fact, she has turned her back on me with her hands in her face. Huh, didn¡¯t expect her to get embarrassed about me accidentally brushing against her boobs. Well, ignoring that, I turn to face Blake and Volt and ask them, ¡°So, where is Sky? And where are we? AND WHY AM I NAKED AGAIN?!¡±


    As if on cue, Sky flies into the room, carrying a bundle with it which he drops on the floor in front of me before perching on Blake¡¯s shoulder. Grabbing the clothes Sky dropped, I quickly don them on. I have had enough of running around naked on an alien planet for a lifetime, thank you very much. As I¡¯m putting on my clothes, Blake and Volt sit down on the couch while the Daemon starts a fire. Logs and kindling seem to fly across the room and into the fire place until she is satisfied with the level of the fire and sits down on the floor in front of it, staring at the fire she just built. Occasionally, she waves her hand around and the fire seems to dance with her motions. I look questionably at my siblings but am only greeted with a shrug from Volt. Blake on the other hand is watching the Daemon very closely. Finally, Sky speaks up.


    Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    ¡°Captain Lindsey Shin, this is Justine von Gustogh of Clan Gustof. She was out hunting in the forest when she came across you relieving yourself on a tree and declaring the planet to be yours. According to her testimony, only a Contagion or infected being would make such a bold statement and defile the forest. Yet, you did not appear to be infected nor an evolved form of the Contagion. Hence, she followed you and eventually attacked you to test us in order to determine whether or not we were part of the Contagion.¡±


    ¡°¡­. So, if I hearing Sky correctly, the reason we were attacked, " I started to say.


    "The reason YOU were attacked, Captain."


    "Fine, the reason Iwas attacked was because I marked my territory and declared the planet as mine? Well, shit. I guess I had that coming. I¡¯m sorry Miss von Gustogh. I didn¡¯t expect there to be any natives around me when I jokingly made that claim. I wasn¡¯t serious about that, just so you know. But may I ask you something?¡±


    Justine, without even bothering to look up from the fire, simply says, ¡°Ask.¡±


    ¡°Why did you attack me with my urine?¡±


    ¡°You peed on my favorite tree,¡± she says flatly, still not looking up. ¡°The forest is not your toilet.¡±


    I glance over at Volt and Blake who have covered their faces as they shake with silent laughter. I shoot death stares at them but this only causes them to shake even harder as they whisper to one another.


    ¡°So, where are we?¡±


    This time, Blake spoke up, ¡°So Justine here told us that this planet is called Erde. According to her, there are no humans on the planet so I guess we¡¯re it. The closest thing she can think of that could remotely resemble humans are the Elves to the east since they lack wings.¡±


    ¡°Wait, Elves? How many other races are there? Do they keep to themselves?¡±


    ¡°Actually, there is a central city where all four races gather to live and trade. The Elves, the Beasts, the Daemons, and the Daimons. Daimons are similar to Daemons but have white wings and lighter skin. The Beasts, from her description, are like half man half beast. But they¡¯re simply known as Beasts due to the variety of them. I think they each have their own kingdoms, is that right Justine?¡± Blake asks the Daemon who seems to be more interested in the fire than our conversation. I guess she must either be really bored or is embarrassed still. Heh, in a way, that¡¯s kind of cute.


    ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Oh the lady speaks! Justine stands up and faces us. ¡°Each race has its own rulers. But we are all united in the fight against the Contagion. The Contagion has taken everything from every race, none more so than mine. Our honor has been sullied and we fight to gain back our honor and our home!¡± she declares with a fierce determination. I can only wonder what she meant by that. When I opened my mouth to ask, Volt waves for my attention and silently shakes his head. Guess that¡¯s a taboo topic to talk about, huh? Fine. No need to poke the bear any more than necessary on that.


    Well, now I have a general idea of things and start to plan our next move. From the looks of things, we should probably head to the central city. We may be able to gain more information there. After that, well, who knows? One step at a time.


    ¡°So, I¡¯m thinking that we should head to that central city you mentioned, sis. From there, we can probably get some more information about the planet. After all, we can¡¯t overstay our welcome in Justine¡¯s home which she has so graciously opened up for us,¡± I state while smiling at the Daemon. No reaction. Oh well, not a big deal.


    ¡°The War Guild is also headquartered in Union City. If you are able to fight, you should go there to find work. And this isn¡¯t my home. This is merely a hunting lodge we have built. My home is deep within the Contagion infected area,¡± Justine says with a look of sadness in her eyes. Well, now I feel bad. Got to change the topic.


    ¡°Hey can you explain something to me? How are you able to control the elements like you do?¡± I ask. Volt and Blake also seem to lean in closer, not wanting to miss a word Justine says.


    ¡°I¡­.just do? All Erdians can do it. Are you not able?¡± Justine confusingly asks us.


    Volt and I look at each other while Blake¡¯s eyes open wide. Volt speaks for us ¡°On our planet, nobody is able to command the elements like you do. We can¡¯t make them do our will. This is all new to us. Can you try to explain how you are able to do that?¡±


    Justine gasps as she looks at us in surprise. ¡°I¡­feel the elements in my body. They call out to me and I¡­.ask them to help me. But this is all done without thinking. It is¡­difficult to explain. I have never had to explain this to anyone. It is like describing how to breathe to a creature that does not breathe. Or telling a blind person what colors are. Water runs through my blood and calls for me to flow back and forth. The erde hold me fast and becomes my rock to lean on. Fire burns in my soul as it rages forth. Wind lifts my spirit and it joyously floats around me. Does this make sense?¡±


    What I would give to just have a taste of what she feels! It absolutely sounds amazing! To be able to fly and shoot fireballs? I mean, who wouldn¡¯t want to be able to do that?! That¡¯s every child¡¯s dream!


    ¡°Justine, you said that all Erdians can do what you do?¡± Blake asks.


    ¡°Yes and no. Some are more talented than others in some elements. The Elves tend to favor the erde and water. Daimons are able manipulate light. The Beasts are varied with some tending to be strong in fire and others hugging the shadows. But we can all control the elements all around us.¡±


    ¡°What about Daemons? What are you strongest in?¡± Volt asks.


    ¡°We¡­are unique,¡± Justine hesitantly and carefully says. We all picked up on that and said no more. Clearly there are some things that she doesn¡¯t want to let us know. Well, everyone is entitled to a few secrets. I still haven¡¯t told Volt and Blake that I had lost their wedding rings the night before the ceremony. Ended up finding them in the neighbor¡¯s dog¡¯s shit. Yeah, I spent a good 5 hours scrubbing that and I will never let them know they are wearing something that came out of a bitch¡¯s ass. Literally a bitch¡¯s ass!


    After a few moments, I finally ask the question I have been dying to know the answer to.


    ¡°So Miss Justine von Gustogh, why was I naked?¡±

 Chapter 6 - The Start of a Beautiful Friendship

    I¡¯m lying on the ground, face first. Justine had just kicked me in the head and stormed off in a huff. Blake had given me an exacerbated look before she ran off after her to defuse the situation. I still didn¡¯t get an answer as to why I was naked though. I do know that Justine was thoroughly embarrassed as her face turned a deeper shade of purple before she thought that my head was crooked and needed some adjusting. This seriously hurts. Sure the nanites prevent bruising and all but they can¡¯t do shit about the pain. The pain will still linger for a bit.


    ¡°Dear older brother?¡± I moan, still lying face first into the ground. I know for a fact that Volt has not budged a single inch during the face kicking and is still sitting quite comfortably on the couch. Fucker. ¡°I think I may have pushed her a little too far there, although, I do not know how or why.¡±


    Volt doesn¡¯t say anything which I take as confirmation. Damn, even in this world, girls are fucking confusing. Slowly, I push myself up and sit on the ground, facing Volt. He is rubbing his temples, something he normally does when I have annoyed him enough. Or when he is in deep thought. Or both. It has been a relatively stressful day after all. We woke up on an alien planet with nothing but the clothes we went into our cryopods, the guns that Volt and Blake packed, and some survival kits. Our AI tells us that we are stranded on this planet until we can find a way home, IF we can find a way home. In all likelihood, we probably are stuck here forever. Then we, well, I, get attacked by a Daemon who somehow is able to not only control the elements on this planet, but essentially be a part of it. It¡¯s a lot to take in and I don¡¯t doubt the stress is getting to all of us.


    ¡°Linds, what do you make of this? Of our situation?¡± Volt asks me without looking up. Damn he looks exhausted.


    ¡°Think Blake and Justine can hear us?¡± I look at the doorway that the girls left through as I directed the question at Volt. He gets up from the couch and walks over to the doorway and looks out. After a second or two, he walks back and shakes his head.


    ¡°I don¡¯t see them,¡± he answers as he extends a hand towards me. I take it and he pulls me back on my feet. Sighing, I brush the dust off of me and ran a hand through my hair. Volt is not going to like what I¡¯m about to say.


    ¡°Well, that alien probably can hear us anyways. Who knows how good her hearing is. But honestly, I think we''re a bit boned. I highly doubt we¡¯re anywhere near our solar system. Hell, we may not even be in our own galaxy for all I know. We¡¯re aliens on this planet but fortunately, somehow, I don¡¯t know how, but we can understand the natives here. So either there was some divine intervention at play here, which I highly doubt, or the language evolution just coincidentally matched Earth.¡±


    ¡°Maybe it is our universal translators?¡±


    ¡°Impossible. The universal translators only work on languages that are known. There is no way it could have known the languages on this planet. Besides, there would have been a long delay between the time Justine spoke to us and the translation being played into our ear. We would have first heard her language BEFORE hearing it again but in English. Oh and I never activated my translator since I have been on the planet. You?¡±


    ¡°No. I haven¡¯t either¡­This doesn¡¯t make sense, Linds.¡±


    ¡°Sirs, if I may,¡± Sky chimed in from the couch. It has been pretty silent throughout this entire exchange. Volt and I both turn our heads to look at it. ¡°There is another theory I would like to add. I believe we may not be in our universe anymore.¡±


    I nod at Sky. That thought had occurred to me as well. Wormholes are a true mystery and we are the first travelers through one. The theory of parallel universes isn¡¯t new. The idea is crazy and sounds almost impossible but based off of what we have already seen and experienced here on Erde already, I¡¯m entertaining any and all theories. If this IS a parallel universe, then it would be too far-fetched to say that Erde is this universe¡¯s version of Earth. That may also explain why the natives here speak English. I¡¯ll bet that there are other languages as well but let¡¯s not worry about that now.


    BANG


    Gunshot. We all turn and look at the doorway then at each other. I shrug and say what I¡¯m assuming we are all thinking, ¡°Justine probably went ballistic and Blake had to shoot her in the face. That or they found prey and Blake shot it and we¡¯re going to have dinner soon. Either way is a win for me. Sky, you said before that you had detected lifeforms as energy sources. Is Justine coming off as an energy source?¡±


    ¡°Processing. Unknown. There is an anomaly within Justine that I cannot comprehend. If I have to theorize, I believe it is her affinity with the elements. But she is not the energy source I had originally detected. However, there are traces of the energy source I had originally detect is coming from her exterior.¡± Well that doesn¡¯t answer anything except that I¡¯m fairly certain Sky will not try to use Justine as a battery. At least, I hope it won¡¯t. But given her attitude and love for abusing me, I might just allow it.


    ¡°Alpha, are you able to display an image of Erde?¡± Volt inquires.


    ¡°Processing. Affirmative. I am able to replicate a small an image of the planet with the metquids available to me. Please stand by.¡± Sky¡¯s body starts to twist and convulse as it conforms into itself. It¡¯s a bit disturbing to watch to honest. Imagine a falcon the size of a¡­.falcon, wow I have a way with words, start to implode into itself and then expand like a balloon to the size of a black basketball. Little bumps start to form on the ball that has now left the couch and is floating in front of us. Eventually, the ball stops moving and Sky informs us that this is what it was able to scan before we crashed. From the looks of its scans, there are 2 main landmasses. One of which encompasses nearly half of the globe whereas the other landmass a few thousand miles to the west of the first landmass covers maybeonly 1/80thof the planet''s surface.


    ¡°Currently, we are located here.¡± A pillar forms on the west coastofthe gigantic landmass, which I will affectionately dub Big Ass Land until Justine tells me the name of this continent. I look closely at the planet and notice something peculiar near our location.


    ¡°Sky, what is this line you formed along the west coast of Big Ass Land?¡± I trace the line that stretched all the way from north to south of the landmass. Curious.


    ¡°That is the Barrier,¡± I hear Justine call from the doorway. She enters with what looks like a cross between a deer and a lizard slung over her shoulder. What the fuck is that? It has the head of and body of a deer but legs of a lizard and a wicked long tail? Oh and Justine is completely soaked in blood right now. Somehow, she looks incredibly sexy¡­and frightening. Blake walks in right behind her gives me a thumbs up, letting me know that she has successfully calmed down Justine. That woman probably could tell a bunch of killer bees to take a nice little nap instead of trying to kill everything in their vision. But I¡¯m going to guess that she gave Justine her rifle to shoot at the deer lizard¡­thingy. Shooting something does wonders to calm someone¡¯s mind. She probably imagined the prey was actually me. Shudders. Yeah, she most definitely did. I should watch my back.


    Justine¡¯s eyes flashed a look of surprise at the sight of a black ball floating in midair but it quickly passes. Man, she is relatively calm for someone who is facing "witchcraft."This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    ¡°The Barrier is how we keep the Contagion swarm out of Pangea.¡± Pangea? Okay that parallel universe theory is becoming more and more likely. This is more than just a coincidence now. Pangea, in case you don¡¯t know, is the supercontinent back on Earth before it broke apart.


    Putting that thought aside, I point to other landmass and ask, ¡°I¡¯m assuming this is where the Contagion is?¡±


    Justine nods in confirmation and looks away. After a moment, she walks into a different room with the¡­animal to I assume butcher and cook it. Huh. I bet that is where the Daemons¡¯ original home is. From her previous reactions, whatever the Contagions are, they must have chased out the Daemons and caused them to scatter throughout Pangea. Man, that¡¯s rough. I wonder how long ago that was. Obviously the Barrier was not built overnight but then again, it probably was considering how the natives are able to control the earth, well, erde as Justine called it. Hell, I would not be surprised if someone told me that the wall was built within the last hour. The amount of shit that has popped up recently is enough surprises for a lifetime. Whatever, I won¡¯t press for details. Either she¡¯ll tell us or someone else will. Or nobody will and we will just be fumbling around like ignorant tourists. Doesn¡¯t matter right now.


    ¡°So what have my two favorite boys been talking about?¡± Blake comes over and plants a kiss on both Volt¡¯s and my cheeks before grabbing Sky. Sky in the meantime deflates and turns back into a falcon. I will never get used to its transformations.


    ¡°Hey babe. Did you give your gun to our host to shoot that thing?¡± Volt inquires.


    ¡°Nope, I shot it. She was fuming and you know how I don¡¯t trust anyone to handle a gun when they¡¯re angry. It¡¯s a good thing I used the air pellet. That thing¡¯s hide is ridiculously tough.¡±


    Guns these days are amazing. You can easily interchange them between shooting air pellets that is formed from the surround oxygen or inserting a battery to shoot laser bullets. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Air is loud but powerful. It is however very slow and takes a few seconds to create a pellet to shoot. Fortunately, so long as oxygen is in the air, you won¡¯t run out of ammo. In the case of using batteries to shoot lasers, you ideally would want to bring a few packs if you¡¯re going to shoot all day. They¡¯re rapid fire and incredibly silent. But they lack the same punch as an air pellet. Why? I don¡¯t know and I never bothered to find out. Just trust me on this. The batteries run out after 10,000 shots but are self-sustaining. So, you deplete one battery, switch it out, and depending on how shit your aim is, you probably can go an hour or two before the first battery is fully recharged. I never bought my own gun. I was going to get my own pistol after I got back from my mission to Europa but obviously, that won¡¯t be the case anymore. Volt and Blake each brought their favorite guns with them in their pods, which in hindsight, was actually a pretty smart move. I guess I¡¯ll just have to hope that our weapons locker is nearby to arm myself before it gets found by someone else. It would be bad if some native found it and started to get ideas of world domination or something.


    ¡°Oh yeah, Linds, you should go help out Justine. She said that after dinner, she will take us to her clan,¡± Blake says to me.


    ¡°Sounds like a plan, I¡¯ll go check in on her then. Volt and Sky can let you know what we learned about this planet,¡± I nod to both Sky and Volt as I turn to leave. It goes unspoken to not let Blake know about the idea of us being completely fucked in a possible parallel universe. She doesn¡¯t need that despair added on.


    As I enter the room that Justine went in, I called out, ¡°Hey Miss von Gustogh do you need any help with the anim¡­Oh¡­Fuck me¡­.¡± Apparently, Justine decided to not only wash the animal, but also herself. In fact, she is standing in the middle of the room completely naked, wings out and all. Her glorious purple body is on full display here and her silver hair is dripping with water. I notice that her skin is slightly paler where she wore her armor when compared to her face. Her breasts seem to point at me with their nipples fully erect from the cold. Water slides down her flawless body. Those fiery red eyes seem to glow brightly as she glares at me. I¡¯m going to run away now. Yeah, I should get out of here. I turn and start to walk away. Actually, I should run. And duck. As I duck, a ball of water flys over me at an incredible speed and lands on the wall, leaving a signifant dent. Scary.


    ¡°GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU, PERVERT!!¡±


    ¡°THAT¡¯S NOT INCENTIVE FOR ME TO Get BACK! Would you believe me if I said I didn¡¯t mean to see your naked body? That¡¯s the last thing I wanted to see! Well, maybe not. But you know what I mean! Besides, you already seen ME naked!!!¡±


    I feel a gush of wind and instinctively duck as a slab of stone flies overhead. I turn around just in time to see Justine screaming at me. ¡°SO MY BODY IS DISPLEASING TO YOUR ALIEN EYES?!?!¡±


    ¡°THAT was what you heard? You do realize that you¡¯re really hot right?¡± I dive to the right as a fireball hits the spot I was just standing. I see smoke rise from where the fireball hit. The bitch is trying to kill me!


    ¡°YOU DARE TELL ME HOW I LOOK?!?!¡±


    ¡°What?? You want me to say you¡¯re ugly?? That¡¯s just going to...aaaand there it is¡­¡± I jump back a few feet as a gush of wind slices the ground. I find it¡¯s actually pretty to dodge when you keep an eye on the movements of the caster.


    ¡°YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME UGLY?! I SHALL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, LITTLE ALIEN!!!¡± I seriously can¡¯t win here. This is either going to end with me in pieces or me dead or me beaten until the nanites in my body just say ¡°fuck this shit, you¡¯re on your own.¡±


    Suddenly Justine zooms across the room, arms outstretch. She¡¯s definitely going to strangle me. I could dive under her but this will only prolong this fight. If you can even call it a fight. I¡¯m just dodging and not even attempting to attack her. Might as well let her catch me work out some of her anger issues. Shit this is going to suck¡­


    Justine wraps her hands around my throat as I predicted, lifts me off my feet, and starts to cut off my circulation. I was tempted to grab her boobs to get her to stop or something but decided that would only make her angrier. WHY IS SHE SO STRONG?!?! Air¡­need...air. Where¡­is¡­my¡­crew? And just like that, she releases me. I fall to the ground and massage my throat as I cough and gasp for that precious oxygen. Oh you, sweet glorious oxygen. I will never take you for granted again.


    ¡°Justine! Have you calmed down now? This was my fault. I told him to come help you. I swear we didn¡¯t know you would be cleaning yourself right now!¡± Blake, oh you, sweet dear sister of mine. She has grabbed the Daemon¡¯s arms and holding on tightly. Justine is still thrashing as she attempts to break loose from Blake¡¯s vice like death grip. Volt is in front of me with his guns drawn and pointed at the Daemon. Sky is hovering above me, ready to interfere if everything went south. Yeah, great crew members. Great family. I love you guys. I won¡¯t think about hating you guys ever again.


    ¡°It has been a long day, Justine. Let¡¯s eat and then you can beat the shit out of him later,¡± Blake states flatly. Wait what? I look up and I see Volt smiling at Justine and nodding his head. Sky¡­is emotionless.


    I fucking hate you all.

 Chapter 7 – I Fucking Love Meat…Not That Kind You Perv

    Have you ever eaten chicken and deer in the same meal? No? Well, you¡¯re missing out. Cause this animal tasted like a deer and a chicken (with the chicken actually being a lizard) merged into awesomeness. You know what you should do? Go get some chicken and deer meat, put them in a blender, and blend that shit up! Then eat the results. Actually, you know what? Don¡¯t do that. That probably will turn out to be pretty gross and I¡¯ll get sue for causing a bunch of people puking their guts out or something. Anyways, just trust me on this when I say this meat is fucking delicious. I forget what Justine called this animal so I¡¯m just going to call it a deezard. But oh man, it was like having an orgasm in my mouth. Not the some dude ejaculated into my mouth (you fucking perverts, this is a kid friendly narrative in my head! Well, kid friendly ish¡­) but more like mouth had an orgasm on its own. Hell, we didn¡¯t even need to add any spices or seasoning. It seems like the deezards feed on a combination of salt and herbs. The same herbs that one would use to season food. How convenient. We ate the tail and one hind leg and were stuffed. This deezard was HUGE! Probably weighed close to 500 pounds, the size of a small cow. Yet, Justine was able to carry it by herself. No wonder she was so strong as she strangled me. Unconsciously, I rubbed my throat as I recalled those hands squeezing the life out of me. I¡¯m really glad she didn¡¯t extend her claws, or nails, or whatever those sharp things are that she can extend on the tips of her fingers, because that would have really sucked. Having chunks of my throat torn out may be too much for my nanites to take on.


    I hear a snigger and look up to make eye contact with the perpetrator. Justine. Of course it was. She immediately looks away with the smallest hint of a smile on her face. Fuuuuck you. I just let her see me shuddering at the memory. I¡¯m going to have PSTD over this. Note to self, do not anger the crazy Daemon. Other note to self, plot revenge. Patience. Paaatience. No need to rush it. It can wait a few more minutes. Or days. Or years. She¡¯ll get what¡¯s coming. A slight smile appears on my face as I think about the various embarrassment that will come to Justine.


    ¡°Lindsey, whatever you¡¯re thinking about do, don¡¯t,¡± Blake harshly snaps at me. Damn, was I that obvious? I open my mouth to proclaim my innocence but before I could say anything, she holds up a hand, ¡°No. I don¡¯t want to hear it. Just no. Babe, whack your brother.¡±


    WHACK


    I glare at Volt who gives me an apologetic shrug. Don¡¯t play innocent. You¡¯re so fricking whipped. You always do whatever Blake tells you to do without question. Grow some balls and be your own man. BE FREE MY BROTHER! The smile on Justine¡¯s face seems to get bigger. What the hell? I seriously think there is something wrong with that girl if she gets a kick out of seeing me in pain. Fuck this shit. I don¡¯t need to take this abuse. I pick up my empty plate and go to the kitchen and place it in the sink. Oh right, they have plumbing here, well, sort of. The water is only one temperature and that is cold. Go figure. And electricity. But none of the lights are on right now since there are so many windows. Natural light seems to flow in from all directions. It¡¯s a small lodge but cozy. Only four rooms. A bedroom with a king size bed, a kitchen with a wood burning stove, a bathroom with a weird looking¡­toilet and what I¡¯m guessing is the bathtub, and a torture room. Obviously the torture room is where the host will string up victims to constantly drown and beat them. And that is also we were eating. FINE. It¡¯s the dining room/living room. Yes, with a table and 4 chairs. And the couch. And the fireplace. Jesus, get off my case people. Even my own imaginary audience is getting on my nerves. Sheesh.


    I start rinsing my plate and silverware¡­don¡¯t look at me that. I¡¯m a good guest even if my host tried to kill me. Let it be known that Captain Lindsey Shin knows how to truly appreciate the generosity of his host for feeding him a delicious meal of deezard meat! If I didn¡¯t help prepare the meal, it is at least my duty to clean up this plate and the fork and this knife and these other plates. Wait a second, I didn¡¯t use 4 plates and 4 pairs of silverware. Oh those sons of bitches. Fine. I¡¯ll clean yours as well. I grab the next plate and start washing that out too. I look behind me and I see Volt chatting with a very confused looking and purple person. Blake has started to dry the things I already washed with a dish towel. I really don¡¯t want any company right now. I should chase her away. Not in the mood sis. Sorry in advance for what I¡¯m about to say. I put down the knife I was cleaning and turn to my soulless sister-in-law, but before I could say something mean, she speaks first.


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Oh. That was¡­unexpected. Fuck. Now it¡¯s going to be tough to be mean. Well, not tough. Awkward. Yeah. It¡¯ll be super awkward. I¡¯m a bit at a loss here. Can you imagine the amount of pumping up I just did to say something like ¡°Yo bitch, get your shit out of here you¡¯re messing up the shit I just cleaned you soul sucking ginger!¡± Now, imagine me saying that after the ginger says a sincere, from the heart, no hidden meaning or anything, ¡°thank you.¡± Yeah, I¡¯ll just come off as a jackass and a total douchebag. Damnit sis, I know you¡¯re good at defusing the situation but you¡¯re a little too good at this. Now I can¡¯t start a fight with you without being the bad guy.


    Sigh. ¡°You¡¯re welcome, sis. Although I¡¯m not exactly sure what you¡¯re thanking me for. So far, I have successfully pissed off the only native we have met. On multiple occasions I might add. Within the past 2 hours. At least, I think time works the same the way as Earth. They are on a 24-hour day right? Remind me to ask Sky later. It might know. Or Justine. Actually, fuck Justine. That girl scares the living shit out of me, not that I didn''t deserve it. Can¡¯t say anything or do anything around her without getting abused. Hell, even doing nothing gets me into trouble. Tell me why I haven¡¯t shot her in the face yet?¡±


    ¡°I know it hasn¡¯t been¡­pleasant...being ''treated'' by Justine. But from my conversation with her, she is actually a very sweet girl and wildly curious about us. When she called her father, you can clearly hear the excitement in her voice. ¡®ALIENS!¡¯ She kept yelling into the phone. Talking about my rifle and how it doesn¡¯t require any ammo. About my Alpha and how it talks and can transform. And how you seemed to be able to heal instantaneously. She actually talked about you a lot in particular. Granted, it was followed by a string of swearing and how she will hang you with your own intestines and make you eat your own balls but she talked about you. A lot.¡±


    ¡°Wait, call? As in a phone? And she does realize that if she hangs me with my own intestines, I WILL die right? Same with cutting off my balls. I am pretty sure the nanites can¡¯t handle that big of an injury¡­they really only heal cuts and bruises. And help prevent us from getting sick. They can¡¯t do shit if she dissects me. Or feeds me something I¡¯m allergic to.¡±


    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    ¡°Yeah, I told her. Don¡¯t worry. She won¡¯t kill you. Maybe,¡± Blake smiles mischievously at me which sends a shiver down my spine. ¡°And yes, they have what looks like cellphones here. Nowhere near as advanced as ours but I don¡¯t think they use cell towers. I think they have to infuse some of the wind into the phone to carry messages since there is a slight delay between responses. You know, Alpha is right. This planet is pretty advanced but in very strange ways.¡±


    ¡°Hmmm. They must be using the elements in their everyday life. I remember seeing Justine waving at the sink before I came here to do the dishes. I bet you she must have had to pump some of the water from underground and I don''t see a water boiler anywhere. It would explain why the water is so cold. So when is Justine going to take us to her clan? I¡¯m kind of excited to meet more of the natives.¡±


    ¡°Right now, little alien princess.¡± I whip around and I find myself once again staring at the chest of purple lady. Except, instead of a chainmail, she is wearing a T-shirt and what looks like to be jeans. When did she change? I¡¯m pretty sure she was wearing leather pants earlier. Wait, when did she change into a T-shirt? It¡¯s very¡­black. Goes well with her skin tone and silver hair. Her arms are crossed in front of her as I look up to see her looking down at me with a hint of superiority in her smile. Argh, that pisses me off. I glance behind her and I see, and hear Volt laughing his ass off.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, little brother. I swear it slipped!¡± Damn bastard is so looking fucking pleased with himself right now. I grab the dish towel from Blake and throw it at his ugly, ginger-infected, face.


    Sky flies in with our survival backpacks and drops them in front of us. We each pick up our packs and strap them on as Sky lands on Volt¡¯s shoulder before chiming in. ¡°Captain Lindsey, Mr. Crane actually told the Daemon to¡­mmmph!!¡± A hand just so happens to clamp down on Sky¡¯s beak, preventing it from finishing its sentence but I was able to get the gist of it. I already knew he did it on purpose and Sky just confirmed it for me. I¡¯m going to kill him. I¡¯m going to kill him with a smile on my face and tear out his eyes and¡­something something gruesome horrible shit. As if Justine needed more ammunition to torture me. Apparently, I¡¯m not the only one to disapprove of him as his wife is also glaring at him. Sweet. He¡¯s going to get it later. Thank you dear sister-in-law of mine. Give him hell for me. Volt soon meets the glare of his wife and his laughter suddenly changes to a cough before dying out entirely. He quickly walks over to his wife and kisses her on the cheek. Heh, when in doubt, kiss the wife to placate her anger. Unfortunately, Blake is still glaring at him so he looks at me for help. Nope. You¡¯re on your own this time. Jackass. Besides, we should probably get going soon.


    ¡°So,¡± I look up at Justine while smiling, ¡°would it be okay if we leave the our cryopods where they are? They¡¯re kind of heavy and bulky.¡± Why am I smiling? Well, a better question is why not? Either I glare at her, get yelled at by my crew whom, I might add, SHOULD be listening to MY orders not the other way around, and also get beaten up again by the Daemon. Or, I could smile at her and let her be the bad guy for beating up the adorable and handsome little alien who just is trying to be your friend. Who can resist these puppy eyes?


    ¡°That is fine,¡± Justine replies with no reaction. Lame. ¡°The creatures here will not disturb them. But I want to call in a request to the BattleChief to send some people here. I want to err on the side of caution. The Contagion might find them and I would not put it past them to be able to find a way to use your cryopods to their advantage.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough.¡± I reach over and grab her hand. ¡°Shall we venture off to your clan then, my fair lady?¡±


    Justine seemed to stiffen at my touch and looks away, mumbling something about how I am rude or something. Or was it about something about how I presume too much? I can¡¯t really tell nor do I really care to be honest. But, I DO know that she is embarrassed by this. Oh, this is good. My revenge came sooner than I expect. Yes, it isn¡¯t much of a revenge but I have to admit, an embarrassed Daemon is fucking hilarious. And kind of adorable. But mostly hilarious. Especially one that is over half a foot taller than me. I pull her with surprising little resistance from her towards the entrance of the lodge so that we can get underway. Before we leave though, she lets go of my hand and walks back inside. I wonder if I went a little too far¡­


    Almost immediately, she reappears but with a backpack and her sword strapped to her waist. Ah, guess we should bring those, huh? She also is pulling a sled which she promptly ties to me. Wait, why I am being tied to a sled? Oh wait, why is she tying herself to the sled? Oh¡­the deezard. That was why she was out here in the first place. Riiiight. Oops. Volt, seeing this, smiles and leans over to me to whisper, ¡°So, when are you two going to get married?¡±


    BAM


    Yeah, that¡¯s right. I just punched my adopted older brother. In the face. Hard. I quickly glance over at Justine but she didn¡¯t seem to hear and is still tying herself into the sled. Volt on the other hand is still smiling despite my ridiculously harder than necessary but felt really good punch as he walks over to Blake. He points at us and whispers something to his wife. Blake, looking over gives me a mischievous smile and two thumbs up. I¡¯m going to kill them. I swear I¡¯m going to kill them. There is no way I¡¯m going to marry this fucking, abusive bitch. Looks are not everything. Her personality is way off. I turn away from them and poke Justine in the side to get her to hurry up causing her to jump. As she did, her wings open and smack me in the jaw.


    Okay¡­maybe shouldn¡¯t have poked her in the side. Yup, she¡¯s glaring at me again. But at least she didn¡¯t shoot a fireball or something at me this time. Without a word she turns away from, finishes tying her knot and starts walking at a fast pace. I have to take three steps for each of her one just to keep pace. Fuck she¡¯s tall. I¡¯m essentially jogging just to keep up. This isn¡¯t funny. Volt is walking next to us at his normal pace and has one of his guns out. It looks like he¡¯s cleaning it even though he hasn¡¯t fired it yet? Weirdo. Blake is walking next to him with her arm locked into his and has pulled out a nail file to take care of her nails. Wait, where the fuck was she keeping that? Actually, now that I think about, where the hell did Volt pull out his cleaning kit from? Seriously, these people are not normal. Heh. I¡¯m one to talk. I¡¯m narrating this entire thing to myself ever since I woke up in my pod. I¡¯m sure that¡¯s normal. If I recall correctly, the first thing I said was, ¡°Huh.¡± Speaking of not being normal, I wonder if I can get a certificate that states: ¡°This Certificate is to Certify that Lindsey Shin is Certifiably Clinically Insane.¡± I would love for it to be decked out with signatures and stickers. The whole shebang. I¡¯ll frame it on my wall. Wait, I don¡¯t have a wall now. Well, I¡¯ll frame it anyways and the first wall I see is where I¡¯ll hang it up.

 Chapter 8 - I AM YOUR GOD!! BOW BEFORE MY MIGHTY FORM!!!

    We jogged, well, I jogged, they walked, for what seemed like hours. In reality, it was probably only 30 minutes. The suns have started to set when we approached Justine¡¯s village wall (apparently, her village in enclosed in a wall). Well, one of the suns anyways. The yellowish orange one disappeared past the horizon and the blue sun is just starting to set. Amazingly, with only the blue sun, everything had a shade of blue to it. It¡¯s like someone lit up a dark room with a blue light. Right now, I¡¯m admiring the scenery that has been revealed before me. It¡¯s strange, yet beautiful at the same time. I can definitely find myself appreciating this scene each and every day that I¡¯m here on Erde. Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.


    As I am admiring the view, I realize that I have stopped jogging. Actually, I have stopped moving entirely. Up ahead, Volt and Blake have already reached the village gates and are already greeting some of the Daemons that seem to appear from nowhere. Suddenly, I feel someone grab me from behind and flip me on my back. Before I could even react, I find myself in the arms of a demon, not a Daemon, a demon. A demon by the name of Justine. The bitch is carrying me like I¡¯m some kind of princess and she is the holy knight who just rescued me, the damsel in distress, from the clutches of some villain. She must have gotten impatient cause we¡¯re flying at neck breaking speed towards her village. I cannot for the life of me decide if I am enjoying this or embarrassed by this. I mean, on one hand, I¡¯M FUCKING FLYING!!!! On the other, I¡¯m not exactly portraying a very manly image for myself. Pretty sure Justine just wanted to get to her village quickly, drop off her dead deezard, and showcase me like I¡¯m some piece of meat, ahem I mean, alien, that made committed first contact with Erde. A quick glance at her face proves my point as she has this look of excitement written all over that smile of hers. She looks like a little kid about to open her Christmas present in the morning.


    Man, well¡­Woman¡­think about my position here! I¡¯m a Captain from Earth and you not only tried to kill me on multiple occasions but now you¡¯re princess-carrying me? Come on!


    Approaching the gates, I notice that the villagers and my siblings are now watching us. Fuck. And just like that, I am unceremoniously dropped onto the ground, ass landing painfully, as Justine runs, well, flies ahead to find her father and the BattleChief, I assume. Both Volt and Blake rush over and grab my arms as they help me to my feet.


    ¡°Not. A. Word,¡± I hiss under my breath so that only they can hear me. ¡°Not a FUCKING word out of either of you!¡± The two of them just start laughing, grabbing their stomach as they walk away from me. Leaving me to fume in anger, alone. And here I thought being named Captain would get me some respect from them even though, technically, Volt is the same rank as me and Blake could outrank both of us if our health is on the line. Yup. She is also the Chief Medical Officer and her word is law when it comes to our well-being. I quickly calm myself as I approach the wave of villagers. There are probably 50 or in this village I estimate. Well, at least the ones that came out to see us. I smile and wave at them which promptly causes a few to wave back rather enthusiastically. I notice that some have their weapons drawn and arms slightly raised but not in any threatening manner. Well, that¡¯s to be expected. I am not so na?ve to think that we would be welcomed completely with open arms. Although, it would have been nice to be thought of as a God. Kind of like how the Spaniards were perceived when they first met the Mayans. I could have had my own nice little harem of purple aliens catering to my every whim. Heh. That would have happened if this was some fantasy or novel or something along that kind of shit. But no, this is reality. Or at least, my reality.


    A chill runs down my spine and I really don¡¯t know why but I quickly press myself flat to the ground. No sooner than I did, a fireball lands right behind me. Had I been standing, I would have gotten blasted in the face.


    Silence. Nobody said a word as everyone looked around to see who the perpetrator was. They look until all eyes fall on¡­yup, you guessed it. My favorite Daemon of all, the one and only, angry Justine! What did I do to piss her off now? You know what? I don¡¯t give a shit anymore. She¡¯s too difficult to figure out. Let¡¯s just ignore her and meet her father and this BattleChief. I¡¯m assuming that¡¯s them standing next to her? Wait, that can¡¯t be right. The man standing on her left is younger than her. The one on the right is a woman. What? I bet twenty bucks that Daemons do not age. Just a theory, but I¡¯m fairly certain I¡¯m right. I wonder how old they are. Would it be rude to ask? Yeah, it would be rude to ask. We should ask anyways¡­or trick Volt into asking. But if my theory is correct, then the BattleChief is the woman and that man is her father.


    I smile as I walk over and I can¡¯t help but notice that most of the villagers are women. They¡¯re all are ridiculously attractive with silver hair and large, black wings. And, they are all ridiculously tall. In fact, I think Justine is one of the shorter ones! Is this some kind of genetics that Daemons have or are all natives really tall? I should ask Sky later if there is a scientific explanation for why the Daemons are so tall. Anyways, like Justine, all the Daemons look like they are in their early to mid 20s. No way this village is full of 20 year olds. My theory is starting to look more and more plausible. All the Daemons seem to be keeping their distance from the three of us, not wanting to approach us but still want to gawk at us. I kind of feel like I¡¯m a prisoner walking towards the guillotine. Only thing missing are the chains. Oh and the guillotine itself. Sky is flying around above us, circling around the village as it scans the surrounding area. That would probably take awhile. Fortunately, it will be able to hear us even if we whisper. Blake sure knew what she was doing when she designed it and installed a communication link between Sky and our nanites.


    The buildings in this village remind me of what I have seen in history books regarding 19th century Japan. The buildings look to be surrounded by trees and blend in with the environments. Doors are made out of what I think is rice paper. I watch as Daemons enter and exit buildings by sliding the doors to the side. I see shoes neatly laid out in front of every building, indicating that Daemons do not wear shoes indoors. Japanese writing on some of the sidings of every building. My translator still isn¡¯t activated yet so I don¡¯t know what the characters say. For all I know, it could be ¡°Shit house.¡± The buildings all seem to be several feet apart but laid out in a fairly organized, almost militaristic fashion. In the center is the largest building that almost looks like a mini Japanese castle, something that a local governor would live in. At front of it is a pond and I would bet Volt¡¯s next breakfast that there are several different types of fish in there. A bridge extends from the main path to the other side of the pond towards the castle gates. As we are crossing the bridge, I look in the pond and yup, there are fish in there. I win Volt¡¯s breakfast. I should probably let him know¡­tomorrow morning. In front of those gates stand the three main Daemons. The bitch, the BattleChief, and the ¡°short¡± man. ¡°Short.¡± Hmph. He still towers over me.


    ¡°Halt,¡± the BattleChief cries out when we reach the end of the bridge. Her hand is raised with her palm facing us. ¡°Remain there, aliens. Tell me, how do we know if you are truly aliens and not a Contagion infiltrator?¡±


    The three of us look at each other, unsure how to respond. Well, looks like it¡¯s up to me if nobody will step up to it. I take a step forward and pull off my shirt, causing a murmur to ripple through the onlookers. Yes, my body is very fit and tone, thank you very much. Please, enjoy the show. I start to unbuckle my belt when the ground rumbles, causing all three of us to jump in different directions. Volt dove to the left, Blake dove to right, I jumped back. As we did so, two different spikes shoot up right where I was just standing. I look back at the three Daemons and notice that only the women have their hands raised. Both have breathing heavily in what I assume to be either anger or ecstasy. Let¡¯s go with ecstasy. Pretty sure it¡¯s anger but I¡¯m going with ecstasy. Probably couldn¡¯t handle seeing my penis in all its glory.


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    ¡°HAHAHAHAHAHA! I think that clearly shows he is not an infiltrator!! HAHAHAHA!! I love this alien!!¡± The man is laughing so hard that he is crying. I smile as I pick my shirt and put it back on. Volt and Blake approach me at the same time with a tired look on their faces.


    ¡°Linds, was that really necessary?¡± Volt sighs.


    ¡°Well, what do you suppose we should¡¯ve done? Yell, ¡®We are not Contagion, don¡¯t kill us?¡¯ Cause that is exactly what someone trying to sneak in to infiltrate an enemy base would say.¡±


    ¡°Hun, you could have just cut yourself or something. I bet whatever these Contagions are wouldn¡¯t do that!¡± Blake counters.


    ¡°True,¡± I agree, ¡°but that would have hurt.¡±


    ¡°More so than getting impaled on spikes?¡± asks Blake. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure that would hurt more than getting lightly cut.¡±


    ¡°But I didn¡¯t get impaled!¡± I beam at her. She throws her hands up in frustration and turns away. Volt on the meanwhile just gives me a tired smile.


    "Linds, you could have just said you''re not Contagion. They do know when you are lying."


    "Oh." I did not think about that. Too late now.


    At this point, the three Daemons have reached us. The man is still giggling and wiping away tears. Justine looks like she is fighting the urge to strangle me again. I don¡¯t know why she is so upset. She has already seen me naked. Twice I might add. At least, I think she saw me when I first got out of the pod. The BattleChief, I can understand why she is upset. Sorry madam. Didn¡¯t mean to stir up any tro¡­is she smiling? Yup. She is smiling. Huh. Guess not all Daemon women have a stick up their ass like one I know. As she approached me I noticed that while she looks older than Justine, she still looks to be in her early 30s. I also notice that her boobs are fairly large. Huh. Well, would you look at those monsters. I look around and ah¡­most of the Daemon women have big, profound boobs. No wonder Justine was so sensitive when I said ¡°small boobs.¡± I actually do regret doing that. I was such an ass. Think before you speak, Lindsey.


    The BattleChief is wearing what looks like a Viking breast plate. On her left arm she has a small shield strapped to her. On her waist, there is a very dangerous looking mace. I am fairly certain there are some dried blood on there. She really should clean that. That could cause some rust and damage, maybe even destroy her mace. The BattleChief seems to loom over all the other two Daemons. Pretty sure she is 7 feet tall, give or take a few inches. She looks a lot like Justine though. Attractive, flawless skin, silver hair. Only major difference besides the obvious height difference and the slightly older look is that she has bigger boobs than Justine. Aaaaand step to right. Missed me with your wind attack, Justine. You¡¯re way too predictable. Awww, you¡¯re pissed off again. Let¡¯s smile at you and see what happens. Oh look, you¡¯re getting angrier!


    ¡°Justine von Gustogh!¡± the man angrily turns to Justine and looks up at her. Heh, this is a funny sight. He is a slightly portly fellow but still looks like he could rip me in half with his arms. He has on a leather armor and he carries two battle axes at his side. His wings only span 3 feet wide and he is only 5¡¯10¡±, I think. I¡¯m not very good at judging heights. He¡¯s tall but not as tall as Justine. His silver hair is cut short and but still long enough to be tied into a ponytail, which he is sporting right now. It¡¯s a good look for him. What¡¯s great is that Justine is this tall, Daemon woman and her head is hung low in shame as she is berated by someone smaller than her. I think even her wings have shrunk a bit without retreating into her back. A little man is putting this crazy bitch in her place.


    ¡°I did not raise you to attack your guests without provocation! Where is your honor?! Do you intend to dishonor our Clan? Are you trying to bring shameon us?!¡±


    ¡°Apologies, Father,¡± Justine meekly whispers. Uhh¡­I¡¯m starting to feel a little bad now. Why am I feeling bad? Wait, seriously. Why am I feeling bad. Argh, this is going to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I better do something.


    ¡°Sir? If I may¡­¡± I start but am quickly interrupted when Justine¡¯s father turns and bows to me deeply.


    ¡°Honored guest! I humbly beg for your forgiveness! My daughter is still young and still needs to control her temper! I apologize for her sudden attack with provocation!¡± he declares as he reaches up and pulls harshly on Justine¡¯s wing, forcing her to bow too. Wow¡­uh, kind of hypocritical there considering you JUST let her and your BattleChief attack me when I was taking my clothes off. I mean, for all you know, I was just hot and needed to cool off. Cool off¡­hmm


    ¡°Sir, your daughter was actually helping me just now,¡± I explain. At this, Justine, her father, and the BattleChief look at me confused. ¡°See, I was getting a little warm just then. Where I come from, it is a bit cooler there¡­you¡¯re not buying this for a second are you?¡± They shake their heads at me. Okay then, change of strategies.


    ¡°See, what I meant to say was your daughter helped me practice avoiding your¡­abilities. I didn¡¯t want to say this before out of envy, but on my planet, nobody can manipulate the elements like you do. We don¡¯t¡­feel them the way you do. Justine, in her kindness, helped me experience that.¡±


    I think that confused them even more. After all, what I said wasn¡¯t a lie, but a half truth. Justine, that bitch, was most definitely not helping me experience her abilities out of the kindness of her heart, if she even has a heart. But, because she has attacked me so many times, I did get a lot of ¡°practice¡± from that and quickly learned how to avoid her attacks. She did give me plenty of ¡°experiences¡± after all. And she was kind in that she did feed me that delicious deezard. To her credit, she didn¡¯t have to do that. I¡¯m not sure how Daemons detect lies but I¡¯m fairly sure that there were no true lies in my explanation there. As if to confirm my suspicions, Justine¡¯s father nods at me and let goes of Justine. Surprised, Justine quickly stands straight up and looks at me funny. Highly doubt there is any gratitude there but whatever. I felt bad for some reason and decided to help.


    ¡°In all my years as BattleChief, I have never seen anyone so skillfully manipulate the truth as well as you did, honored guest,¡± the BattleChief smiles at me. ¡°Biran, what say you?¡±


    Justine¡¯s father, Biran, oh thank god you guys finally gave me his name. I was so tired of referring to him as Justine¡¯s father. Seriously, do you know how exhausting that was? Justine¡¯s father says this. Justine¡¯s father did that. Justine¡¯s father is going to drive Lindsey way past the breaking point if they don¡¯t hurry up and give me his name!! Anyways, Biran shakes his head and proclaims, ¡°Never in all my 423 years on Erde have I ever been so confused by the truth.¡±


    ¡°423 years?!¡± Blake exclaims. ¡°How long are your lifespans?!¡±


    The BattleChief looks at Blake and seems to be analyzing her. Yes, Blake is also very pretty and she looks different from you Miss BattleChief. Can you answer the question already? We¡¯re dying to know here. ¡°Daemons and Daimons can both live up to 900 years. I, myself am 498 years old. My husband, as you heard, is 423 years. Our daughter is quite young and only 106. That is why she is so immature¡±


    Yeah, 106 isn¡¯t young. Just saying. I mean, she has to the mental age of a 6-year-old, that¡¯s for sure. Quick tempered and all. Throwing tantrums. Just overall being an annoying bitch. And then crying when she is in trouble. Well, to her credit, she didn¡¯t cry but I¡¯m going to pretend she did. Yeah. She totally cried.


    ¡°Mother, I am an adult. Please do not treat me as child still,¡± Justine pouts.


    ¡°An adult in age and mind, maybe. But not in attitude,¡± Biran sternly states. I swear Justine just shrunk a little. Is she trying to hide behind her father? Yeah, not going to work. You kind of tower over him.


    ¡°Enough of this. Please, come inside. We would very much like to speak with you but I am sure you three are exhausted with everything that has happened to you. And please call your fascinating bird. I would very much like to examine it if you would allow me,¡± the BattleChief says as she beckons us to enter her castle.


    I hope she has cookies.

 Chapter 9 – Cookies....

    Erde is officially the worst, most backwards, uncultured, uncivilized, disgusting, vomit-inducing, savage planet in all of the known universes. I don¡¯t give a flying fuck how hot the natives are here because they are some of the dumbest pieces of shit I have ever encountered. I haven¡¯t encountered any of the other races yet but I bet they are probably just as dumb and uneducated as these bitching morons in front of me. No, you hush logical side of Lindsey Shin! FUCK YOU! I don¡¯t want to hear it. This planet officially can suck my balls. Actually, they are unworthy of sucking my balls. Fuck this alien planet. Fuck Erde. What kind of a name is Erde? Dumbass stupid name. Fuck parallel universes. Fuck it all. I¡¯m done. I don¡¯t want be here anymore. Get me home. Wormhole, open up and take me home.


    Why am I so angry? Did Justine just attack me again you ask? No. Want to know why I¡¯m so pissed? Well, let me ask you a question. Take a seat. Ready? Here is my question for you.


    What kind of people don¡¯t know what a fucking cookie is?!?!


    Blasphemy!! You uncultured swines. Volt, Blake, Sky, we¡¯re leaving. Look at me! Stop talking with that old hag! Damnit! LISTEN TO YOUR CAPTAIN AS HE ATTEMPTS TO TELEPATHICALLY COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, ASSHOLES!!! God damn fucking bitch ass gingers. No respect. Follow the chain of command. Be psychic and know that I am fuming here! No wonder you have no souls. Probably trying to eat these tasteless Daemon¡¯s souls I bet. Hmph.


    Okay. Enough of that little mental temper tantrum. I don¡¯t think anyone picked up on that. I am frozen with a smile on my face for the past 5 minutes. Yup. That entire time, I was pretending to be happy. Why would I be so angry about aliens not know what a cookie is? Well, it isn¡¯t because they don¡¯t know what it is, it is what they did. Let me tell you what happened.


    The BattleChief had her daughter bring out some interesting smelling hot tea. At least, I think it was tea. It tasted like strawberries and mints. She also brought out some chocolate cake looking thingy. It was extremely fluffy, poofy, and jiggled when I poke it with the two-prong fork the Daemons gave us. It was good but it felt weird. It tasted like chocolate cake and had the texture of cotton candy that later morphed into jello in my mouth. So fucking weird. They tried to give some to Sky but I told them that Sky doesn¡¯t eat. After a lot of poking and prodding, I ¡°rescued¡± Sky and told it to go find a corner and recharge his power packs.


    That taken care of, I beamed at the three Daemons and asked if there were any cookies. Instead of nodding, they just looked at me like I was speaking gibberish to them. I tried to explain what a cookie was but only succeeded in getting the Daemons more and more confused until I finally reached into my survival bag and grabbed one of my emergency chocolate chip cookie stash. I gave it to them, explaining that this was what was called a cookie and is a popular snack back on Earth. They examined it like it was the most marvelous thing before stating that they have never seen anything like it before. Of course it was! I held my hand out to get it back but they broke it apart into three pieces and ate MY cookie! I froze. MY cookie¡­MINE. It¡­They¡­they¡­they just fucking ate it!! Without asking!! Just¡­took it and ate it!! Right there in front of me!! What was that about honor and all? These Daemons lack it. I hate this planet.


    I know that I had just said that I had enough of a temper tantrum only to go right back into another one but cookies are sacred foods. You can¡¯t just take someone¡¯s cookie then eat it without asking! Well, technically I do that and I steal cookies regularly from Blake and Volt but that¡¯s only because I¡¯m an asshole and I have no shame. Oh shit, the BattleChief is asking me something. What did she ask? I¡¯ll just keep smiling and nod. Huh? Why are you guys staring at me? Am I supposed to do something? Seriously. Guys, I wasn¡¯t paying attention. At all. What¡¯s going on? Volt, why do you have a look of surprise on your face? Blake? What¡¯s happening?


    ¡°Hun, are you going to give them more cookies or not?¡±


    What was that Blake? I don¡¯t think I heard you correctly. I¡¯m supposed to give something to them? What? My shirt? They want my shirt? Actually, a better question is why are the Daemons looking at me with such eagerness?? Oh¡­..¡­Son. Of. A. Bitch.


    Still smiling, I reach into my bag and pull out the last three cookies I had hidden in there. It¡¯s too rude to give my hosts only one. I should give them each a whole¡­sob...a whole¡­cookie. With great reluctance and a heavy heart, I give them the last of my cookies. The last cookies on this godforsaken planet.


    ¡°Here. These are what we call chocolate chip cookies. They are my favorite kinds and extremely delicious! I hope you enjoy them!¡± and I hope you fucking choke on them, you fucking assholes. Keep smiling. Keeeeep smiling. Blake, stop giving me an apologetic look. You know how much I treasure my cookies. This is your fault. Well, actually, it¡¯s my fault for not paying attention but I¡¯m still blaming you, Blake. This fucking sucks. I haven¡¯t had a cookie since we launched yesterday. Now I¡¯ll never have a cookie. I just want to leave now. Speaking of leaving¡­


    ¡°How far of a walk is Union City from here?¡± I ask the Daemons as they scarf down my cookies. Sigh. Sob. Sob. Bye-bye my precious cookies. I¡¯m sorry my belly couldn¡¯t enjoy you instead.


    ¡°Why you would walk to Union City? You could just get a ride on a blimp. There¡¯s one that is scheduled to arrive tomorrow morning,¡± Biran explains as he drinks some of his tea. ¡°It¡¯s a 2 day ride that way. No need to walk for a year to get to the city!¡±


    ¡°Father. They do not have any identifications. How would they get past the guards?¡±


    ¡°Your mother is the BattleChief. She can give them identifications. And these¡­cookies are amazing!¡±


    ¡°Too bad we can¡¯t just wave our hands at the guards to let us through,¡± I whisper to Volt and Blake who immediately start snickering. Fortunately, the Daemons are so focused on their conversation that they don¡¯t notice the three of us goofing off. We should be respectful. I¡¯m a terrible person. But fuck it. They ate my cookies. I reserve the right to be disrespectful right now.


    ¡°And what race shall do you propose I classify them, Biran? Aliens? I don¡¯t think that would work.¡±


    ¡°What about half-breeds? They kind of look like Elves but without the pointed ears. Daimons have round ears don¡¯t they? Half-breeds of Elves and Daimons,¡± Biran suggests.


    ¡°Elves and Daimons? That may work. The two races do mingle with one another quite frequently. And usually when a child is born from such a union, it doesn¡¯t have any wings. The only issue would be the Captain.¡±


    ¡°Why would I be an issue?¡±


    ¡°Because¡­the average height of anElfin-Daimon is about Biran¡¯s height. And black hair isn¡¯t common.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about that. We¡¯ll just say that our Captain here is a mutant or something. Don¡¯t worry about him,¡± Volt grins at me. Fucking hell. IS THIS A PLANET OF GIANTS?!?!


    ¡°Very well. I shall go get the necessary documents made. Justine, take the guests to their rooms and show them where the bath house is.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Mother.¡±


    We grab out bags and follow Justine out of the room and further into the mansion, castle, whatever the fuck this place is technically called. Blake picks up Sky on the way out since it is still recharging its power packs. I look around and surprisingly I find not an Asian themed interior, but more of an African theme. It¡¯s an excellent mind fuck when on the outside, everything is so Asian and then start seeing tribal masks and fertility statues everywhere. There are even some spears on display. But mixed in with these are some artworks that seem to drawn in the style of Vincent Van Gogh. Yet, they do not portray any work that I would instantly recognize. Instead, what is drawn are towering buildings and flying¡­are those bunnies? Those are totally bunnies. Bunnies that can fly. Huh. Go figure. Wait, is that a pig warrior statue? Yes, yes it is. I bet that is one of the so called Beastmen, or Beasts as Justine had called them. I wonder who that is? He looks, I think it is a he, there are no boobs¡­wait would Beasts even have boobs? Anyways, he looks pretty badass. Those are bullets wrapped around him, aren¡¯t they? Yup, definitely bullets. He¡¯s holding what looks like two mounted machine guns in his hands. I wonder if he is a real person or from some movie¡­I¡¯ll probably ask one of the Daemons later, if I remember. Actually, why were the Daemons using melee weapons when they have guns? I should definitely remember to ask that later.


    Volt is looking at the statue too but not at the figure, no, he is checking out the guns. What a gun maniac. I remember he has a collection of antique guns. Everything from the first musket to the first laser gun. All of that tucked neatly away in his gun room back on Earth. Heh. Guess now would be a good time to start collecting again, brother. After all, they probably have different kinds of guns than we do!


    ¡°Linds, have you inventoried your bag yet?¡± Volt suddenly asks me.


    ¡°No, why? I mean, I just packed what you expect: a tent for myself, a portable sleeping bag, a solar energy recharger, my emergency cookies that I no longer have, my knife, a flint, some MREs, some rope, an insulated water bottle, and a portable hammock. Did you add something?¡±


    ¡°I did. A couple things actually. There should be a pistol in there and a grenade maker belt.¡±


    ¡°What the fuck did you expect me to encounter on Europa?!?! It¡¯s a fricking ice moon!!¡±


    ¡°Better safe than sorry, Linds,¡± Volt shrugged.


    I set my bag down and start pulling out everything. Sigh. I¡¯m going to have to repack all this later but ever since Justine decided to use me as a punching bag, I feel like I should arm myself. This survival bag is almost as big as I am and ridiculously heavy. Yet, instead finding my knife and gun being at the very top of my bag, they are at the very bottom. Son. Of. A. Bitch. Finally, I find the two items and the grenade maker belt. I strap the gun Volt gave me to my waist. He really went all out and got me the same kind of gun that he has. Top of the line. Should be some batteries in here too then. Yup, there they are. Let¡¯s take them out and carry them too. I attach my knife¡¯s sheath to the grenade maker belt which I strap over my right shoulder and across my chest. Yeah, I totally feel like I¡¯m back in my military days participating in all those solo stealth missions. Those were NOT good times. Can you imagine having to hold your bladder for days on end in the middle of an enemy encampment? Yeah, not exactly my definition of fun.


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    Oh those grenade makers? Nifty little things. You can wear them as a belt or a shoulder strap like I did. What they do is they will create little grenades for you. I think they somehow convert the nitrogen in the air into something that will be explosive. The materials to hold in that gas? Not a fucking clue how that was made. I fell asleep in that class too. Not because of an all-nighter with a beautiful woman this time. Nope. I was playing this ridiculously awesome video game and told myself I¡¯ll stop at the next save point¡­except that save point was after a bunch of cut scenes and I could not for life of me, figure out how to skip cut scenes!! But the way I figure was that what I really needed to know about this belt is the following: belt makes things that hold things that will go boom. Throw said first thing away from body. First thing release second thing to create boom. Boom kills. Avoid boom. Boom is bad. Unless boom destroys your enemies. Then boom is good. But you should avoid boom. Repeat, avoid boom. If get in contact with boom, death.


    ¡°The married couple¡¯s room is on the right. Little Lindsey can take the one on the left.¡±


    ¡°I hate you, Justine.¡±


    ¡°The feeling is mutual,¡± she snaps back as she walks away. ¡°I will wake you in the morning. The bath is just down the hall.¡±


    ¡°Hun, do you really have to keep antagonizing your future wife?¡±


    ¡°Fuck you Blake. I¡¯m going to go pass out for a bit before going to take a bath.¡±


    I storm into my room, toss my bag onto the ground and just plop face first into the mattress. Fucking hell it has been a long day. Waking up on an alien planet, finding out there is no way home, getting attacked by an alien. Fuuuuuuck I¡¯m tired. I¡¯m actually kind of glad they have a mattress here instead of a futon that I was expecting. The mattress is ridiculously soft and seems to envelop me.


    As I try to relax, my mind starts to drift back to Earth. To my friends and adopted parents. I wonder how they are doing now. It is just now occurring to me that I will never see them again. I will never be able to hug my adopted parents. Did I ever thank them for seeing me as their own son? Did I ever tell them I love them? When was the last time I spoke with them? I wonder if they think Volt and I are dead. Oh man, we¡¯re probably considered dead back on Earth. Heh. It would be awesome to be able to pop up on television and go ¡°APRIL FOOLS!! We¡¯re alive!!¡± Too bad that probably will never happen. We¡¯re not going home anytime soon.


    What the fuck happened? Fucking wormhole. Why would a wormhole just randomly appear? Fucking hell. I would love to go back home and see only one sun in the sky, not two. It¡¯s the little things. Sure things were not perfect back on Earth. War still is being fought in some countries. Hell, I had to secretly participate in some myself. Not everyone is friendly and some people are just outright dicks. But in the end of it all, THAT is home. My home. My planet. I know the inhabitants there. I know the land. I want to try my hands at surfing a tidal bore. I want to attempt to climb Mount Everest. I want to climb inside Andrew Jackson¡¯s nose at Mount Rushmore and deface it. There was a girl I wanted to ask out too. What was her name? Jessica? Why am I so bad with names? She was the coffee girl who knows my order the moment she seems me. A large coffee with tons of cream and 6 packs of sugar.


    Speaking of not knowing names, I wonder what happened to Moletits. Hell, I wanted to try to find Moletits even though it has been years since I last saw her. Now I am robbed of that option. Forever. And worst of all, I miss cookies. Delicious, fucking chocolate chip cookies. As these thoughts ran through my mind, my eyes start to water and flow a little. I don¡¯t want to make a sound in case these walls are not soundproof. I don¡¯t want Volt and especially Blake to see me like this. Ever. Not out of pride or anything but because they are probably experiencing these exact feelings. Why breakdown when we have to make the best of the situation and survive? Breaking down should be reserved to alone time¡­like now. Fuck this whole thing sucks. And not the good kind of sucking. The kind where they use teeth and trying to bite it off. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fu¡­Did someone just knock on the door? Go away. I¡¯m wallowing in my sorrow. Leave me be. Go away. I¡¯m busy. Wait, the door just opened. Go. Away. You¡¯re saying something. I¡¯m ignoring you. I¡¯m busy. I¡¯m masturbating. I need privacy. Leave me please. Hey, stop kicking my leg. Sigh. Fine. Let¡¯s hope the mattress absorbed all my tears. Smile. And tuuuurn.


    ¡°Hello Justine. Why are you kicking me?¡±


    ¡°You were not responding. I was checking to see if you died.¡±


    ¡°How very fucking nice of you. But I¡¯m alive and fine, thank you very much.¡±


    I really wish she would just leave. She is definitely not someone I want to deal with right now. Just leave will you? Why are you still standing over me? The harshness in her eyes has softened as she looks at me closely.


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°That was a lie. Just like earlier. You are lying.¡±


    ¡°I am healthy and of sound mind, for the most part. So for all intent and purposes, I¡¯m fine.¡±


    There. A truth. Now go away.


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    ¡°Seriously? Fine. Leave me alone. I want to be left alone right now.¡±


    Just let me pass out and sleep. Maybe I will wake up and find out this is all just a dream.


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    ¡°DAMNIT JUSTINE!! WHY WON¡¯T YOU JUST LEAVE?!¡±


    ¡°Because you do not want to be alone right now.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I hate you, Justine.¡±


    She is seriously getting on my nerves.


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    ¡°Fuck you.¡±


    ¡°I do not completely hate you either.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°You are an uncouth, insolent, childish being. But I have seen how your eyes shine with pure happiness when you first saw me despite being attacked and trapped in a fire cage. I have seen how you make jokes to keep your sister-in-law smiling and your brother laughing. You act without thinking, but you genuinely have fun doing so. It is¡­intriguing. And strange.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Why are you analyzing me? Go away.


    ¡°I do not completely hate you. You are¡­interesting.¡±


    ¡°Is there a point to this?¡±


    ¡°You are good are hiding your feelings from others. Mother and Father did not see it but you lied earlier when you gave us those cookies. I do not know what you lied about though.¡±


    ¡°So?¡±


    ¡°You were upset.¡±


    ¡°I was also upset when you kept trying to drown me! I wanted to beat the shit out of you!¡±


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    ¡°God. Damnit. How the fuck does that lie detector of yours work?!?!¡±


    Seriously, I can pass lie detectors back on Earth with no problem but this girl is telling me I¡¯m lying even when I don¡¯t really know it! Yet, she¡¯s definitely right each time she calls me out on a lie.


    ¡°You accepted my¡­harshness. Why is that?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Hell if I know. I REALLY do not like how she is nailing everything. She only has known me for a few hours and she already knows me better than everyone, including Blake and Volt.


    ¡°Regardless, you were quite upset about the cookies. I imagine they must have been important to you. So¡­I uh¡­made some for you. As an apology. For how I treated you today.¡± Justine grabs my hand shoves a small, crudely wrapped, blue paper bag that is tied with a white ribbon.


    I look up at her completely stunned. She did something nice for me. I gaze back at the bag and slowly open it. Inside are 6 perfectly round chocolate chip cookies. Cookies. My eyes start to water again at the sight of them. It¡¯s stupid to get emotional over cookies, I know, but I literally had just convinced myself that I will never see cookies, Earth, home, or my adopted parents ever again. Now, something that just ever so slightly resembling home is in my hands. Of course I would get emotional. Before I could stop myself, I throw my arms around Justine''s waist and bury my face in her stomach. As I hug her tightly, all my emotions that I had held in ever since I woke up come pouring out as I cry silently. Instead of pushing me away, she embraces me gently and runs a hand through my hair, gently petting me.


    ¡°I lost my homeland to the Contagion. I have never been there nor have I ever set foot there. But I understand and sympathize with your pain of not being able to go home,¡± she whispers to me. My tears flow like a waterfall down my cheeks and into her shirt. Fuck, this is embarrassing.


    ¡°Justine von Gustogh of Clan Gustof, I swear that if you tell Volt or Blake what happened here, I will shoot you in the face with my gun set on maximum stun.¡±


    I pull my face out of her shirt, leaving a nice wet spot in its place. I glance up to see her gently smiling down at me. She brings a hand to my face and delicately wipes away some of my tears.


    ¡°Truth.¡±


    ¡°I accidentally crushed the cookies.¡±


    ¡°Sigh¡­truth.¡±

 Chapter 10 – A nice little chat

    Soooo Justine and I had sex. We totally fucked each other¡¯s brains out. We both got caught in the moment and we just went at it like primal animals in heat. Yup. All that grunting and UHN UHN UHN sounds from me and ¡°OH GODDESS! YES! YES! YES!!¡± from her. Yes sir. We fucked for hours throughout the entire night and well into the morning. We¡¯re totally in love and we¡¯re going to get married and and and!!!!! She¡¯s pregnant with my child!!!!! Yeah! I know! Apparently, if you have sex once, you get pregnant. I¡¯m going to name it Stumpy when it comes into this world. Stumpy is a good name. I¡¯ll find a job and build a lovely house. Stumpy will play with its ginger cousins who will live next door to us and we will all live happily ever after. The end.


    Of course I didn¡¯t have sex with that crazy bitch. Jesus, Lindsey. Why the fuck would you even pretend that happened? I¡¯m not some mindless, sex-craved idiot who would fuck anything that moves! I¡¯m not looking for some alien booty to smack, although¡­Justine does have a nice boo THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?! You know full well that Justine is a total bitch. Sure, she was nice just then and gave you cookies, which you shouldn¡¯t have crushed¡­wasteful. But she¡¯s still a top of the line, grade A, bonafide bitch. No, I did not have sex with Justine and I will not have sex with Justine. Don¡¯t want to get her pregnant. Actually, could I even get a Daemon pregnant? Are we even compatible? Wait, why I am I even bothering to have this inner monologue? Probably to entertain some imaginary audience in my head. HI IMAGINARY AUDIENCE! LOOK AT ME BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!!


    Let¡¯s replay what REALLY happened: After our talk, she took me to the bath house and said that she¡¯s going to go change her shirt. Whoops. My bad there. I totally soaked it. Any higher and I would have seen those beautiful tiny tits of hers again. She also said that she is going to make some more cookies to replace the ones I crushed. Sweeeeet. I thanked her and again threatened to shoot her in face if she spoke a word about what happened in my room to my siblings. She responded by petting me on the head like some fucking puppy and walking away with a wicked grin on her face. I remind myself that I fucking hate that bitch. I don¡¯t care if she says my hatred is a lie, it is not a fucking lie. I just had a moment of weakness and it will never happen again. Ah who am I kidding, I''m definitely falling for her.


    Anyways, after she left, I walked in the bath house and find that there is an area to wash myself and a hot spring to relax in. Eagerly, I stripped, cleaned myself, and am now soaking and relaxing in the hot spring. THAT is what happened. Get your fucking mind out of the fucking gutter, Lindsey. You still need to figure out what to do on this planet. Go rub one out or something. Fuck. Well, don¡¯t actually fuck¡­soooo, shit! Actually, I kind of need to take a shit now. Where¡¯s the toilet? Actually, I don¡¯t need to shit anymore.


    You know, it¡¯s so comfy in here. And it smells nice. It¡¯s like someone had filled this room with vanilla and lavender. The steam from the hot spring rises and surrounds me, going into my pores, soothing me. Too bad the door doesn¡¯t lock. I guess the culture here is community bathing or something. Hmm? Did the door just open? Holy shit! Am I psychic or something? Can I just make things happen as I think it? Let¡¯s test it out.


    5 beautiful Daemon women walk into the bathroom, naked and start looking around the room, searching for something. One of them sees me and excitedly points and shrieks at the top of her lungs. The other 4 Daemons follow suit and they all come running to me for an orgy session. I open my arms wide to catch them as they jump into my waiting arms. As I reach to grab one of their breasts¡­


    ¡°Lindsey, what are you grinning about?¡± Volt''s voice asks me, interrupting my fantasy. Fuck. ¡°Lindsey. Talking to you litttle man.¡±


    ¡°Hey bro. Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±


    ¡°Oooookaaaay. You looked like an idiot.¡±


    ¡°Your face is an idiot.¡±


    ¡°Nice comeback.¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°It was a terrible comeback, Linds.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­I need to take a shit.¡±


    ¡°Thanks for sharing.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡±


    We remain where we are for awhile longer before Volt chimes up, ¡°I thought you needed to shit.¡±


    ¡°I changed my mind. Why are you still standing there? Get in or get out. Make up your mind. I¡¯m tired of being forced to look at your dong.¡±


    ¡°I thought you liked seeing it since you kept staring at it.¡±


    ¡°Well, it did answer the question that has been plaguing me since I learned about the birds and the bees from our mom and dad.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°You do have red hair down there. Does Blake¡¯s carpet match her drapes too?¡±


    ¡°Fuck you, Linds," Volts laughs,shaking that stupid ginger head of his. FINALLY he hops into the hot spring and sits across from me. He lets out a sigh as he leans back, resting his head. Yeah, I hear you brother. Long day. Looooong day. I close my eyes to relax but almost immediately, Volt asks me a question.


    ¡°Linds, what do you want to do?¡±


    ¡°What do you mean? Shut up, man. I¡¯m trying to relax.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re going to Union City. But what about afterwards? Do you want to join the War Guild? I¡¯m guessing that they send people to go fight the Contagion. You want to fight? We are trained after all.¡±


    ¡°¡­No. We know nothing about the Contagion. For all we know, the Contagion could just be an oppressed group struggling to survive after chasing off the Daemons who may have been slave masters. Or they could just be a convenient scapegoat to blame for all the bad shit that happens.¡±


    ¡°They could also be a terrorist group committing atrocities. Like the Nazis did back on Earth.¡±


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter. Not my fight.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t want to fight?¡±


    ¡°Not if I can avoid it. Didn¡¯t we fight enough back on Earth?¡±


    ¡°I just wanted to make sure.¡±


    ¡°Do you want to fight another war? Especially one that we know nothing about? We blindly followed orders enough already.¡±


    ¡°Like you said, not our fight, little brother.¡±


    ¡°Damn straight.¡±


    ¡°So what, you just want to do nothing?¡±


    ¡°No¡­I think I¡¯ll travel, explore this planet. I¡¯ll be the first human to do anything. First one to climb that mountain. First one to see a Beastmen. First one to have sex with an alien. First one to marry an alien. First one to¡­¡±


    ¡°Get his shit beaten out of him by a female alien,¡± Volt interrupts me while cackling like some maniac. ¡°By the way, I saw her enter your room¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah, we totally banged. She tasted like eggplant. Cause she''s purple.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s nice. What really happened?¡±


    ¡°Nothing. Don¡¯t want to talk about it. Go away.¡±


    ¡°I just got in.¡±


    ¡°Fine. I¡¯ll leave.¡±


    ¡°Lindsey,¡± Volt calls out to me as I get out and put on the robe the Daemons provided for us in the bath house, ¡°you know that Blake and I will go with whatever you decide to do right? If you decide to fight; we¡¯ll fight as well. You want to travel; we¡¯re coming with. No matter what, we¡¯ll always be there for you.¡±


    ¡°I know. Thanks.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t keep everything to yourself. Hell, I¡¯m your older brother. I¡¯m supposed to be the one protecting YOU from everything, not the other way around. Let me help.¡±


    ¡°You already are,¡± I smile at him and receive on in return. ¡°You¡¯re keeping Blake safe and always watching my back. Especially now. Stop staring as my ass.¡±


    I walk to the door but before I leave, I turn my head back at the one of the only two people whom has always been there for me for as long as I can remember.


    ¡°Thanks, you fucking ginger.¡±


    ¡°Always, princess.¡±


    Walking back to my room, a terrible thought flashes through my head. Did I just condemn my brother to die? Fuck. I think I did. FUCK!! All this emotional shit just fucked my brother over. Or did it fuck me over? Am I the one who will die? No, I am the main character in this narration. But then again, in Volt¡¯s mind, HE is the main character here.


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    Fuck¡­.FUUUUUCK!!! If that is the case, might as go all in. I stop in front of my brother¡¯s room and knock. Without waiting for an answer, I open the door and poke my head in. Blake is tinkering with Sky at the moment. Probably making some adjustments so Sky doesn¡¯t need to recharge as often. That would be nice. Blake waves at me without saying anything. Well, let¡¯s get this over with.


    ¡°Sis. Volt and I just had a heart-to-heart, man-to-man, brother-to-brother talk in the bath house. But by doing so, he will die. That¡¯s what always happens in the movies and novels, you know that. Have a heart-to-heart with some major and important character and that character will die. It¡¯s foreshadowing. Basically, we just foreshadowed Volt¡¯s death. Wait! I¡¯m not done! Don¡¯t speak yet. Let me finish!


    Sooooo¡­I love you like the older sister I never had. Thank you for always taking care of me. Thank you for marrying my brother. You make him very happy. I know you will always be there for me and I know you will always try to protect me. I love you very much and I know I don¡¯t say that enough.


    You ARE my family. And now that I have had a heart-to-heart with my sister-in-law as well, you¡¯re going to die too. Or I¡¯m most definitely going to die if you¡¯re the main character. I think I¡¯m the main character though so it¡¯s probably going to be you who dies. But before you die, make sure you have an excellent fucking session with Volt. Do it tonight. You might die tomorrow. Who knows? At this rate, Sky will be the only survivor. Oh and before I go, I need you to answer a very important question for me¡­..Does your carpet match your drapes?¡±


    Blake¡¯s face slowly turns into one of disbelief and exasperation as she brings a hand to her face. I think she just face palmed. Yup. Definitely a face palm.


    ¡°Hun, what the fuck is wrong with you?¡±


    ¡°I find your unwillingness to answer my question very disappointing. Oh well. Good night and don¡¯t die!¡±


    I pull my head out of her room and find the Volt has exited the bath house as well. His hands are slightly raised in a ¡°what the fuck is wrong with you¡± kind of expression. I beam brightly at him and pat him on the shoulder.


    ¡°Good night bro! Don¡¯t die and use a condom tonight! Unless you¡¯re trying to give me a nephew or a niece. Then in which case, don¡¯t use a condom and good luck! But no matter what, have fun!¡±


    I run into my room before he could say anything. Once inside, I fumble around in the darkness trying to find the light switch to turn on the fire lamps overhead. Fuck it, I can¡¯t see shit. I¡¯ll just take off my robe in the dark. Hmmm, I could wear the clothes from the pod or my survival bag to bed but¡­they¡¯re on the other side of the room. Fuck that. I¡¯m too lazy and tired and it is dark. I¡¯m going to bed. As I crawl into bed, I smile in the knowledge that I just successfully went all-in and condemned everyone. Why is that a good thing? How the fuck should I know? It made more sense in my head earlier. I¡¯ll worry about it later. I¡¯m going to drift off to sleep now.


    .


    .


    .


    KNOCK KNOCK


    .


    .


    .


    I hate this planet. What does it have against me sleeping? Should I ignore it? I should ignore it. Let¡¯s ignore it.


    .


    .


    .


    KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK


    .


    .


    .


    ¡°Alright!¡±


    I get up and fumble my way to the door. Who the fuck is out there? I open the door lazily and find myself looking at two black bumps. Huh? Oh. Small boobs in a black t-shirt. I look up and see Justine turning a deeper shade of purple. What¡¯s she embarrassed abo¡­Ah. I¡¯m naked. I should have put on clothes before hopping into bed.


    ¡°So...like what you see? You already seen me naked before. But then again, I was upside down so it probably looked strange to you. Or maybe you just wanted to see me naked. You ever going to tell me why I was naked?¡±


    ¡°PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!!¡± she demands as she turns around. Without looking, she waves her hand at the door, guiding the air to flip the switch and turn on the fire lamps.


    Heh. Well, at least she didn¡¯t punch me this time. As I¡¯m putting on some clothes, she turns around and hands me a plate. Ooooo¡­coooookiess. I quickly pull up my pants so that I immediately grab one and shove it in my mouth.


    Holy shit! THESE ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS!!


    ¡°Justine, these are amazing!!¡± I exclaim as I grab another one to eat.


    The Daemon smiles as she sits on the bed and crosses her legs. I eat another cookie. Yes, I¡¯m practically inhaling them. I can¡¯t help myself, these cookies are like crack to me. I think there was a total of six cookies. All of which ended up in my stomach. I hold the plate in front of me, unsure what to do with it. The table is on the other side of the bed and it would be rude to hand it back to Justine. Hmmm¡­What to do. As I¡¯m thinking, Justine reaches out and takes the plate from my hands.


    ¡°Oh. Thanks.¡±


    ¡°I am coming with you.¡±


    ¡°Sorry?¡±


    ¡°I am coming with you to Union City.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Why? I don¡¯t like you.¡±


    ¡°Lie. And because your brother and sister asked me too.¡±


    ¡°Damnit. Fine. No hitting me.¡±


    ¡°Do not annoy me.¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re adorable when you are annoyed!¡±


    ¡°I WILL kill you.¡±


    ¡°LIE!¡±


    ¡°¡­.True. I will not kill you, little Lindsey. I will just bring you to the brink of death.¡±


    She sat on the bed in silence while I stood there in silence. I REALLY want to go to bed right now but she won¡¯t leave. I wonder if she wants something from me?


    ¡°Is there another reason you came here?¡±


    ¡°During our travel to Union City we may encounter some Contagions.¡±


    ¡°I thought the Barrier keeps them out? And aren¡¯t we flying?¡±


    ¡°The Barrier is not so efficient to be able to keep out small bands of Contagions. They keep out the main Contagion Swarm Army that attacks the Barrier daily but small bands of Contagions always manage to break through. And the Contagions evolve. There are few that have evolved wings to fly over the Barrier and get past the air defenses.¡±


    ¡°So we may get attacked?¡±


    ¡°Yes. But the chance is relatively small. But not small enough to not be careful. I wanted to warn you.¡±


    Damnit. I really do not want to fight anyone. Maybe I can negotiate with the Contagion? Highly doubt it though. I get the feeling that they won¡¯t be in the mood to talk. I need more information on these Contagions.


    ¡°Justine, do you have anything that can tell me about the Contagion? Like a history book or anything?¡±


    ¡°Yes, here.¡±


    She hands me a thick book that I didn¡¯t notice she was holding before. The book is titled The Contagion Swarm. Simple and to the point. I like it.


    ¡°You may keep that book. I am going to bed. Good night, little Princess Lindsey.¡±


    ¡°I hate you, small boobs.¡±


    Justine stands up and smiles at me. She raises her hand and flicks my forehead just hard enough to make me feel it. Huh. Guess we have silently come to a compromise here. I get to call her ¡°small boobs¡± as long as she continues to call me ¡°Little Lindsey¡± or ¡°Princess.¡± Not exactly what I call a fair trade considering that she gets two things to call me whereas I only get one. But at least I won¡¯t get beat now.


    When she leaves the room, I glace at the book. Contagion Swarm, huh? Well, let¡¯s see what you are and if you are as horrible as Justine claims you are. I wonder what you are¡­maybe you guys are the victims in all this. Whatever, I don¡¯t want to get dragged into your damn war at all. I fought in enough wars already. Hell, that was why I wanted to go to Europa; do something peaceful instead of trying to kill someone or steal a country¡¯s secrets. I open the book to page one and see a picture of one of the Contagions.


    .


    .


    .


    Fuck. Me. Now I really have to go take a shit.

 Chapter 11 – Do You Trust Me? Hell, I Don’t Even Trust Myself!

    Here I sit,


    With a troubled heart.


    I brace to shit,


    Instead, out comes a loud fart.


    Nice right? I like to think so. You know, it¡¯s actually a really good thing I farted instead of pooping. Why? Well, to be honest, I have no fucking clue how to flush this¡­bucket? Am I sitting on a bucket? I think I¡¯m sitting on a bucket. Why the fuck would they use a bucket in replacement of a toilet? How the hell did technology evolve here? Weird direction it took. Why a bucket? Unless, this isn¡¯t where I¡¯m supposed to shit. But there is water inside and water clearly filled the bucket when I entered. Maybe if I leave it¡¯ll auto flush. Let¡¯s try leaving. Exit the restroom, close the door, open it again¡­


    Nope. Didn¡¯t auto flush. Hmm. How the hell do you flush? And if I did take a shit, where is the toilet paper? Or is it bucket paper? I don¡¯t see anything I would use to wipe my butt. Hell, there aren¡¯t even three shells here. This planet is weird. Do they just shit in a bucket and leave without wiping? Gross. Note to self; don¡¯t do anal with anyone. Their assholes are probably really gross. Wait, you know what? I have never done anal and probably never will. Never saw the appeal. Buttholes are for shit coming out, not putting shit in. Weird ass fetish people have. Hehe. Ass fetish. Pun totally unintended there.


    But anal is awesome since it¡¯ll feel nice and tight, Lindsey!


    Shut up Lindsey. You¡¯re an idiot. Okay, enough of that inner argument. Let¡¯s get back to what we were about to do. We may have a major problem here.


    I grab<u>The Contagion Swarm</u>textbook and leave the restroom. I sprint to my siblings¡¯ room with the book in hand; Volt and Blake are not going to believe this. These Contagions are actually a serious problem. Maybe. Like, holy shit I¡¯m on an alien planet kind of¡­wait, Iamon an alien planet.


    Uhhh, likeholy shit Lindsey will die a virgin before doing something awesome. Waaaaait. I¡¯m not a virgin. And I do awesome things all the time¡­ Meh, we¡¯ll figure it out later. I¡¯m nearing their room right now so I should probably knock. Actually, fuck it. Let¡¯s just barrel in. It¡¯ll add to the dramatic effect. I kick the door open and tumble into the room.


    ¡°Guys! Guys! Guys! We have a maj...Oh. You¡¯re fucking. I see. Carry on. Use a condom¡­Huh. The carpets do match the drapes. Mystery solved.¡±


    I turn, leave the room, and shut the door. I can hear them cussing me out and something about tearing out my insides. Or was it make me eat my insides? That doesn¡¯t make sense. If I eat my insides, where would my insides go? Inside itself? So, I eat myself until I become a head? My brain hurts. Whatever. Not important. What IS important is that I had just solved one of life¡¯s major mysteries; gingers have red hair down there. Who knew? Well, probably gingers and those who have had sex with gingers.


    I take a deep breath and head back to my room. I guess I¡¯ll just wait until the morning to talk to them. I am tired so I¡¯m going to collapse on my bed. I have no idea what time it is but I am sure I will not be getting enough hours to sleep tonight. It¡¯s pretty late right now. Sigh. I¡¯m exhausted. Let¡¯s close my eyes and go to dreamland. I love how this bed just...swallows me. So comfortable. So¡­


    ¡°LINDSEY!!¡±


    You have GOT to be fucking kidding me.


    ¡°GET OUT HERE, LINDSEY!!¡±


    Damn it Volt. Just go back and continue to have sex with your wife. Sigh. Fine. Fine. Fine. I¡¯m coming. Heh. Coming. Cumming. Get it? No? Fuck you.


    ¡°Hello dear older brother. How may I help you?¡± I ask innocently. Well, pretending innocence.


    ¡°Damnit Lindsey, do you know to knock?!¡±


    ¡°Put a sock on the door next time.¡±


    ¡°Fuck you, Lindsey. What did you come in for?¡±


    ¡°Oh right. Hang on. Let me grab something. Okay. Let¡¯s go. I need to show this to both you and Blake as well.¡±


    ¡°Fine. This better be important.¡±


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s interesting for sure.¡±


    We walk into the room and Blake is sitting in the bed wearing a shirt. She angrily looks at me but it soon passes when Volt walk over and gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Heh, good old brother. They both sit under the covers and wait for me to say something. I throw textbook at them.


    ¡°Take a look. What do you see?¡±


    As the open the textbook, their eyes grow big. They start flipping through the pages, sometimes skipping a few. The descriptions do not matter. It was the images that mattered. Blake looks up first.


    ¡°Lindsey, this is impossible!¡±


    Volt shakenly closes the textbook and turns to me. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, struggling to find the words to convey what he is feeling. I know, man. I was the same way.


    ¡°Blake,¡± I say, ¡°has Sky finished recharging?¡±


    ¡°Yes, but I had it go on standby for the moment since¡­well, you know.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure Sky wouldn¡¯t have cared if you let it watch.¡±


    Blake rolls her eyes as she reaches towards the nightstand where Sky is, transformed into the same block that I had originally found it in when it was in my cryopod. She turns it over and starts to¡­you know, to be honest, I don¡¯t really know what she is doing. Sky is Blake¡¯s very complicated and one of a kind creation. How it got in that block of metquid is way beyond my understanding. When Blake was fiddling with a block of metquid earlier, I honestly had no idea what she was doing. In all seriousness, I¡¯m pretty smart but Blake makes me seem like a toddler who is just learning how to speak. Wicked smart and beautiful. Volt hit the jackpot.


    Sky activates and starts to transform into its default form of a falcon. When it finishes its transformation, it flies up and lands on Blake¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°Greetings Creator. I believe you just upgraded my power cells?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right Alpha. I also installed one of the solar packs so you don¡¯t need to shut down to recharge now.¡±


    ¡°That would be very satisfactory. Thank you, Creator.¡±


    I clear my throat loudly, causing Sky to turn to me. Alright, let¡¯s get this started.


    ¡°Sky, earlier today, you said that you had detected energy sources¡­¡±


    ¡°Actually, Captain Lindsey, I detected lifeforms that scanned as energy sources.¡±


    ¡°Right. In what direction were did those readings come from.¡±


    ¡°West of our present location, sir.¡±


    The three of us hold our breaths. We were all thinking the same thing. The only problem was that what we were thinking, should be impossible.


    ¡°Sky, can you run a scan to the other landmass?¡±


    ¡°No, Captain Lindsey. I was only able to scan that as we fell from orbit.¡±


    ¡°Do you still remember the data from those scans, Alpha?¡± Volt asks. Stupid question. Sky is an AI.


    ¡°I always remember, Mr. Crane.¡±


    Told you. Dumbass.


    Volt nods, like he is just as smart as Blake and me. Psh. Yeah right. Oh wait, he¡¯s talking to Sky now. ¡°Alpha, do those lifeforms contain nanotechnology?¡±


    ¡°Processing. Yes, sir. They do possess nanotechnology. However, they differ from the nanites contained in your bodies.¡±


    I take a deep breath and I ask the question that we are all thinking. Oh man please let us be wrong about this¡­


    ¡°Sky?¡± That wasn¡¯t the question we were all thinking, by the way.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡°Yes, Captain Lindsey?¡± That was Sky speaking. Not me. Also not the question we were all thinking. I take another deep breath. I ask the question, knowing that I will probably regret it.


    ¡°Sky, within those lifeforms, did you detect traces of the Drillers I built for the Europa mission?¡±


    ¡°Processing. Standby. Yes, Captain Lindsey. I do. It was very faint but I did find traces of the Drillers.¡±


    Fuck. Me.


    I glance over at my siblings and they are staring at me. What? Why me? Stare at each other. Go back to fucking. Don¡¯t look at me. I didn¡¯t tell my robots to try to kill everyone on this planet. I still think they are innocent. Maybe. Okay, probably not. But still¡­


    ¡°You guys know that I didn¡¯t program the robots to kill people right?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± No response. Not cool.


    ¡°I¡¯m serious. My robots aren¡¯t even AIs!¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°You guys suck.¡±


    ¡°Hun, we¡¯re not saying that you programmed your robots to take over a planet.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re not saying anything at all. I think that makes it worse, sis.¡±


    ¡°Linds, do you have any clue as to why they are doing this?¡± Volt inquires.


    ¡°This as in trying to take over the world and destroy everything? No. Well actually, I have a few theories¡­but I doubt you¡¯ll like them. And I could be way off.¡±


    ¡°You should tell us anyways.¡±


    ¡°I agree with Mr. Crane, Captain Lindsey. Any clue to why your creations rebelled against their original programming may help us determine why they are so flawed.¡±


    ¡°Fla¡­Sky, you bastard!¡±


    ¡°Sir?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re gloating aren¡¯t you?! Because YOU are not damaged or rebelling against your programming. And now you¡¯re gloating because what I programmed and built with own hands with pride and joy and sweat and tears and blood is malfunctioning!¡±


    ¡°Creator Blake is a very skilled engineer.¡±


    ¡°¡­ I hate you, Sky.¡±


    ¡°Hun, tell us your theories,¡± Blake says, struggling hard not to smile.


    ¡°Fine. Look, I made the robots, the Drillers, to help drill through the ice on Europa and conduct analysis on the ice and the ocean underneath the ice layer. They are powered by a self-recharging battery and are able to operate independently or together in order to be efficient. They can create copies of themselves using raw materials that are in their immediate vicinity. Granted, there shouldn¡¯t have been any raw materials on Europa considering that it¡¯s all ice but still better than any other robots. They can use each other for spare parts if one of them is beyond repair. Cannibalizing each other I guess. I installed some nanotechnology machines in them to help repair parts that break down but like the nanites in our system, they can only do so many repairs and can¡¯t do a complete repair of a unit.


    I don¡¯t know how they could have been around this planet long enough to cause so much damage. Hell, we only just crashed TODAY. Yet, it seems like they have been here for at least, how old is Justine again? 100? 200 years? So at least 200 years. I¡¯ll be sure to find out how long these Contagions have been around. Even so, it doesn¡¯t make sense and should be impossible.¡±


    I pause and look at everyone. They aren¡¯t talking. Probably in shock. Sigh, this really sucks.


    ¡°I REALLY hope they are not my robots. Yet, the evidence is there in that book in your hands and Sky¡¯s scans. They have nanotechnology. The look EXACTLY like my robots. Granted, some of those¡­cyborgs kind of deviated from my designs, okay, a lot of them deviated¡­fine almost all of them practically deviated, but they still bear a lot resemblance to my robots. And my design was the first Contagion to be featured.


    As to why they are killing the inhabitants here, honestly, I don¡¯t know. They probably see them as raw materials and are trying to find a way to Europa. Maybe they were discovered by someone, made to be servants, somehow gain sentience and are trying to revolt. I really don¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t program them to do any of this. I would NEVER program any of this.¡±


    Silence. Nobody spoke. I don¡¯t blame the two of them. I don¡¯t blame Sky for not saying anything either. It is probably doing calculations and running simulations to help try to find a solution. Heh. I hope that is what it is doing. Anything would help really.


    ¡°Linds,¡± Volt finally speaks up, ¡°do you know what Justine meant when she said you could have been ¡®infected¡¯ by the Contagions?¡±


    ¡°Not a fucking clue. I wonder if SHE is infected though. Sky, does Justine have ANY of my robot¡¯s design or parts in her? You did say she was an energy source earlier.¡±


    ¡°Processing. No. According to my earlier scans, while there is a similar energy signature coming from Justine von Gustogh, it is not the same as your inferior robots¡¯ energy signatures. I believe it is the ability of all organics on this planet to be able to control the elements that I am detecting. If you like, I can scan other organics discreetly to confirm my hypothesis.¡±


    ¡°Do it, Alpha. We need to be sure,¡± Blake nods at Sky.


    ¡°Affirmative, Creator.¡±


    Volt gets up and approaches me. He stops right in front of me and pulls me into a bear hug. Blake gets up too and hugs me as well. We stand there, silently for a few seconds before Blake speaks up.


    ¡°Hun, this isn¡¯t your fault. Don¡¯t even think for a second that this was your fault.¡±


    ¡°Thanks, sis.¡±


    ¡°Linds,¡± Volt whispers, ¡°what do you want to do?¡±


    What do I want to do? Even if Blake and Volt don¡¯t believe that I caused this, would the natives of this planet? Did I bring doom to them? If I did, shouldn¡¯t I do something about it? I really don¡¯t want to though. Tired of fighting. I just want to go home. Why the fuck are my robots acting this way? What the fuck happened? I should also apologize to Sky. I kept saying that it would be the one who will kill us all and take over the world¡­but guess my robots beat it to that task. I pull away from my siblings¡¯ embraces and walk away. As I leave their room, I pause and say to them.


    ¡°Obviously, I want to go to sleep. I¡¯m fucking exhausted.¡±


    I leave but I go to take a walk outside to calm my racing mind. I look up at the night sky and I can see millions of stars. I try to see if I can spot the Milky Way but let¡¯s be honest, I don¡¯t know shit about how to spot any galaxies or anything. Navigation in space was going to be controlled by Sky so I never bothered to properly learn¡­not that the brass back home knew about that. And not that it matters now. Heh. Well, that certainly calmed me down now. I should go get some sleep.


    I walk back to my room and plop down on the bed. I really hope there will be no more interruptions. That includes some really hot alien coming in to have sex. I REALLY want to sleep. Yes, I¡¯m turning down sex for sleep. Believe me. I¡¯m really fucking tired. I close my eyes and the day plays through my mind in waves.


    I woke up naked and upside down in some tree of an alien planet and not Europa. I was attacked by a really hot but quite annoying alien who then decided to strip me and hang me upside down for some reason. I saw that same alien naked. Aliens can control the elements. We go to alien¡¯s home. Alien¡¯s family eats my cookies. Alien give me cookies. I have a breakdown in front of alien. I find out that I may have been responsible for these¡­Contagions. And now, I¡¯m trying to sleep just as the suns start to rise. Sigh. I¡¯m going to be exhausted. Whatever. Any amount of sleep is better than no sleep. I find myself start to drift away, finally, to dreamland when¡­


    KNOCK. KNOCK.


    ¡°Little Princess Lindsey!¡± Justine calls from outside the room. ¡°Get up! The blimp will be here in half an hour! We need to get to the landing site. Now! Hurry up!¡±


    Okay. It¡¯s official. I fucking hate this planet.

 Chapter 12 – Blimp Blimp Blimp Blimpity Blimp

    Why? Why won¡¯t this planet let me sleep. You know what? Screw going to Union City! I¡¯m going to sleep in and just walk to Union City. Don¡¯t care if Biran said it will take a year and that it is dangerous. Sleep is important. I¡¯m sleeping. Now, if this was a movie or a novel, Justine will come bursting in and pour a bucket of water on me or something. Psh, this is no movie or novel. This is reality! Shit like that doesn¡¯t happen in reality¡­


    SPLASH


    ¡°Get UP, Little Princess Lindsey!¡±


    You have got to be fucking kidding me. You know what? Since this has turned into a stereotypical movie, I¡¯m not going to jump out of the bed all angry and demand to know what the hell her problem is. Nope. I¡¯m just going to scoot over to the dry side of the bed and pull the covers over my head.


    ¡°Go away, small boobs. I didn¡¯t sleep at all last night. Leave me alone. I¡¯m asleep. Hear me sleep talking and snoring? See? ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.¡±


    Hmmm. Is something burning? No¡­she wouldn¡¯t have¡­Sigh. Yup. She did. Justine just set the bed on fire. Why set the bed on fire?! You¡¯re making your parents having to go and buy a new bed now! Well, at least the flames aren¡¯t burning me but it is really hot.


    ¡°Small boobed Daemon that I hate but has an incredibly sexy accent,¡± I start, ¡°I¡¯m still not getting up. The fire is keeping me warm.¡±


    Actually, it is ridiculously hot. I¡¯m surprised I¡¯m not getting first degree burns right now. Either the fire is ¡°far¡± away from me or Justine has amazing control. Suddenly, the heat vanishes. HA! I just won. Now go away. Sleeping.


    Hold on, I smell something delicious. What is that? I poke my head out the covers off my head and take a peek.


    ¡°I have cookies.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    I really shouldn¡¯t be this easy to bribe. I stretch and reach for a cookie in the plate that Justine is holding in her right hand. In her left, there is a cover. I guess that is how she covered the smell earlier.


    Before I could grab a cookie however, she pulls the plate away, causing me to tumble out of bed. I frown at her in the face of this injustice.


    ¡°You will get them when you are on the blimp.¡±


    ¡°I fucking hate you.¡±


    ¡°Lie. Now hurry up and get dress.¡±


    Chuckling to herself, she leaves me there lying the floor wrapped up in bed sheets and blankets. I being to imagine her getting torn piece by piece by a bunch of honey badgers and smile to myself. Honey badgers are badasses. They will tear her to shreds. Fucking bitch. Don¡¯t present me cookies if you¡¯re not going to give them to me immediately!! That¡¯s just a cruel and unusual punishment.


    Groaning, I get up from the floor to get dressed. Glancing briefly at the bed, I can see some burnt marks where Justine had set it on fire. I still don¡¯t see the logic cause now they have to replace it. Well, her mother is the BattleChief after all. And she lives in a castle. Guess they can afford a new mattress. I hate rich people. So spoiled and so wasteful.


    Swiftly, I put on my jeans and start to clasp on my gun holster and the grenade maker belt. My knife still strapped onto grenade maker belt and is secure on my chest. Speaking of knives, I need to remember to ask Justine why she carries a sword instead of a gun. Guns are pretty efficient after all. Shoot someone from a distance.


    I get out of the room with my bag on my back and see Blake waiting for me. She¡¯s also wearing her backpack and has her rifle slung over her shoulders, letting it rest on her side.


    ¡°So, Justine bribed you with cookies?¡± She asks with a hint of amusement in her voice.


    I glimpse at her suspiciously.


    ¡°Did you tell her to do that?¡±


    ¡°Maybe,¡± she responds as she walks away grinning like an idiot. ¡°Come on, hun. Let¡¯s go to the landing site.¡±


    I follow Blake outside and towards the entrance of village near the gates. Ahead, I see that a gigantic blimp is starting landing sequences. It measured 800 feet in length and about 120 feet in height. The cabin looks like it could fit about 200 people. I wonder how fast that blimp can go¡­If I recall, blimps back home could go 80 miles per hour. Hmm. First thing that came to my mind was that it looked almost like a zeppelin but with a hell of a lot more guns. The guns seem to be coming out of every window available.


    Now, those gun turrets. Holy crap. I mean, they look like they could make a crater anywhere on the planet. It is truly impressive. I would hesitate to attack it if I was in an airship. My airship could be 5 times faster than that blimp but I would probably still get shot down by the sheer firepower this blimp is packing. It is truly intimidating. Not something I would want to go up against.


    Note to self, make friends with the captain of that blimp. Maybe he or she will let me drive it a bit. Or fire some of those guns. I really want to fire those guns.


    I approach the crowd that are surrounding the platform where the passengers of the blimp would exit. Volt and Justine are in the very front of the crowd. Sky is perched on Volt¡¯s shoulders while checking out its surroundings. I bet it is discreetly scanning the crowd as we had instructed last night.


    I notice on the side of the ship the name is displayed as ¡°Hendiberg.¡± Yeah... That sounds waaaaay too much like Hindenburg. I REALLY hope that this ship isn¡¯t filled with hydrogen gas. One single fire outburst from Justine and we all go ¡°WHY?! WHY DID WE GET ON THIS DEATH TRAP OF A BLIMP?!?!¡± Seriously, this blimp better not go up in flames because the aliens here did not realize that hydrogen is highly flammable.


    Blake and I push our way to the front and stand directly behind Volt and Justine. Both of them are wearing their backpacks. I start to wonder if I have to take off my weapons in order to go through some kind of security but I notice that Volt has not moved to take his guns off his belt and Justine still has her sword strapped on her waist. Guess security is pretty relaxed here. Seems like a terrible idea but who am I to judge?


    The blimp finishes landing and the door to the cabin opens. Standing on the top of the platform is actually not a Daemon! Who is it?!?! Move you damn giant, purple Daemon! I need to see who it is! I go to push Justine a bit out of my way but Blake tugs on my bag. I turn around and she is gesturing at the alien who is coming down the platform. Yes, Blake, I know. It¡¯s a different alien than Daemons. Why do you think I am trying to push this damn giantess out of my view?!?!


    I switch tactics and nudge Volt harshly out of my way causing Sky to take flight in surprise and flying over to Blake. Now, I¡¯m standing right next to Justine. Okay, what race is this now?! The alien in question has fur!! White fur!! Oh man, I¡¯m looking at one of the Beast!! What kind of animal is it? I look at the face and it looks like it has the face of a cat. But that is not just any cat¡­no, I think that is a snow leopard? I look behind the Beast and sure enough, it has a long, bushy, tail. Sweeet.


    The alien is wearing a chainmail armor and has a spear strapped on its back. Honestly, I don¡¯t know if this snow leopard looking Beast is a male or female. Does it have boobs? I can¡¯t tell. It might. It might not. Hmmm. If this was a fictional story, this Beast would be another female and would totally fall in love with me at first sight or something.


    Please be female. Please be female. Please be female.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.It reaches us and starts to bow with its right hand forming a fist, resting on its heart. Its eyes are closed as it speaks.


    ¡°Princess,¡± it says in a really deep, French sounding voice. Damnit. A dude. Or a chick with a ridiculously deep voice. No, probably a dude. Yeah. Definitely a dude. Oh well. Wait, did he just call me ¡°Princess¡± just now?!?! Seriously, Volt inform the entire planet to call me a princess? Fucking hel¡­Oh, he was talking to Justine.


    Wait¡­


    JUSTINE IS A PRINCESS?!?!


    ¡°You¡¯re a princess?!?!¡±


    The Beast stares at me like I¡¯m the dumbest person on the planet. What? How was I supposed to know this uncouth, rude ass, PMSing bitch was a princess?


    ¡°Justine von Gustogh is¡­¡± the Beast starts before Justine raises her hand to stop him.


    ¡°Enough, Jacque.¡±


    Oh come on Princess. I wanted to know!


    ¡°As you wish.¡±


    Damnit. Grow a pair Jacque! He straightens up and looks at me curiously.


    ¡°Who is this¡­uncivilized person, Your Highness?¡±


    ¡°Ignore him. He is unimportant,¡± the bitch waves her hand dismissively. I¡¯m totally going to fart on her pillow for that. ¡°Is everything prepared?¡±


    ¡°Yes, madam. We have secure two spare rooms. But I must apologize; they are fairly cramped.¡±


    ¡°Very well. We will manage. Please take us to the rooms.¡±


    Jacque bows again and beckons us to follow him. I poke Justine in the side, causing her to jump a little. Heh, she¡¯s ticklish. Good to know. Oh shit, she¡¯s staring at me with venom in her eyes¡­ARE THOSE FLAMES COMING OUT OF THE CORNER OF HER EYES?!?! Holy shit that is fucking awesome!!! I know I should be intimidated but I¡¯m actually kind of jealous. I want flaming eyes.


    Oh right, I poked her for a reason, I should probably say what¡¯s on my mind¡­


    ¡°Can you shoot lasers out of your eyes?¡±


    Okay, that wasn¡¯t what I originally wanted to ask but this has taken precedent. Justine is caught off guard by my question and the flames immediately die out as she looks at me. Heh, she¡¯s totally puzzled now.


    ¡°No? Why?¡±


    ¡°Why was your answer in the form of a question? And because your eyes are on fire.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Fine. Don¡¯t answer. I find it ironic that you call me a princess when you¡¯re an actual princess. Why didn¡¯t you tell us you were a princess?¡±


    ¡°You did not ask. And you get annoyed when I call you a princess. It amuses me.¡±


    ¡°Fuck you. I really abhor you. And how the fuck was I supposed to know to ask? You know what? Don¡¯t answer that. I¡¯m just going to start asking everyone I meet if they are a princess. Even if they are a guy.¡±


    ¡°As you wish, Princess.¡±


    ¡°Fuck you, small boobs. Wait, no, Princess Tiny Tits.¡±


    ¡°Princess Shorty.¡±


    ¡°Flat Chested She-Man.¡±


    ¡°Midget.¡±


    ¡°Bitch.¡±


    ¡°Arm rest.¡±


    ¡°Arm rest?¡±


    ¡°You are the perfect height,¡± Justine says as she puts her arm on my head, using my head as a fucking arm rest. God damn it. I push her arm off the top of head and show her the middle finger. I look behind me and see Volt and Blake laughing. Sky is glancing at both Justine and me from Blake¡¯s shoulder. Its head seems to be on a swivel as it looks between the two of us.


    ¡°Captain, you and Miss von Gustoph are insulting each but I am unable to detect any malice. I do not understand this behavior.¡±


    ¡°Alpha, this is called friendly banter,¡± Blake explains.


    ¡°Friendly banter? Processing. I see. An exchange of insults between friends to solicit laughter or amusement.¡±


    Friends? Fine. Justine can be considered a friend. A very, very, VERY distant friend. But I definitely am saying all my insults with malice. She¡¯s a fucking bitch. A bitch I happen to find attractive but a bitch nonetheless.


    During this entire exchange, Jacque has been occasionally looking back at us, incredulous at my lack of respect I assume, towards the ¡°princess.¡± Heh. Sorry Jacque.


    We walk into the Hendiberg and find that it is quite a spacious cabin. All around us, we can see all the turrets. Every one of the turrets has at least a crew of three manning them, scanning the area for any threats. I wonder if they are always manned.


    On the right are doors that look like they lead to the main quarters for the crew members as well as to the galley. On the left side of the cabin are multiple doors that probably lead to individual rooms for the officers and passengers. Ahead of us is a single door that most likely leads to the bridge and probably to the engine room.


    Jacque takes us to the left side of the cabin and stops before two doors. I take a peek inside and notice that each room only has a single queen size bed that barely fits. There is another door inside that probably leads to the bathroom. I bet it¡¯s tiny as well.


    ¡°Here are your rooms, Highness.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Jacque.¡±


    ¡°Please let me know if you need anything. We will be taking off shortly after we have finished resupplying.¡±


    He bows and turns to leave. Shit, I can¡¯t miss this chance. I raise my hand and clear my throat loudly, causing him to turn around.


    ¡°Hey, uh, Jacque is it?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Can I pet your ta...MMPH!!¡±


    ¡°Please ignore him, Jacque,¡± Blake says as she grabs me from behind and covers my mouth. ¡°He¡¯s a bit¡­special.¡±


    ¡°Madam.¡± He bows again and leaves the area, his tail swishing as he walks. Damnit. There goes my chance.


    ¡°Man, I really wanted to pet his tail.¡±


    ¡°Hun...¡±


    ¡°What? You wanted to too. Don¡¯t even try to deny it. At least I asked instead of just grabbing it.¡±


    Everyone just stares at me. I¡¯m really tired of people staring at me right now. Better change topics.


    ¡°So, Volt, Sky, Blake and I get one room and the spoiled Princess Tiny Tits gets the other?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s too small to fit three people in a room, Linds.¡±


    ¡°Then what do you propose we do then, Volt?¡±


    Volt shrugs and turns to Blake.


    ¡°I¡¯ll go with Justine and you two brothers bunk together.¡±


    Justine shifts uncomfortably, which none of us fail to miss.


    ¡°Yo small boobs, what¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°Sleeping with another female is¡­improper.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not suggesting I sleep in the same room as you?¡±


    ¡°People will¡­talk if I sleep with Blake.¡±


    ¡°Okaaaay¡­Volt, guess you get to keep shagging your wife then.¡±


    Volt punches me in the arm. Hard. Damn that¡¯s going to bruise later. Man, I wanted to sleep in a bed. Speaking of sleep, I¡¯m barely able to stay awake. I really need sleep.


    ¡°Guys, I¡¯m going to bed. Well, actually, I¡¯m using my sleeping bag. Justine, I¡¯ll be nice and let the spoiled princess sleep on the bed. Oh and you still owe me the cookies you promised me. Good night.¡±


    I go into one of the rooms and set my bag down. I pull out the sleeping bag and lay it out. There is barely enough room for me to lay on the floor. God damn this sucks but honestly, I¡¯m too tired to care. I use my bag as a pillow and shut my eyes. Now, let¡¯s get some sleep.


    RINGRINGRINGRINGRING


    ¡°CONTAGIONS SPOTTED!!! ALL HANDS ON DECK!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! REPEAT!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!! WE ARE TAKING OFF NOW!!! START LAUNCH PROCEDURES!!!¡±


    Fuck. This. Planet.

 Chapter 13 – I Hate This Planet

    I should get up. I should go and help. I should get out of this sleeping bag. I should leave this incredibly cramped room. I should go find out if the Contagions are my robots. I should see if I can stop this madness.


    I should¡­but I won¡¯t. Too tired. Not my problem. If that makes me an asshole, so be it. I¡¯m exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. I¡¯m running on fumes here. I would just get in the way. Besides, they have been fighting the Contagions for how long now? 200 years? More? Probably more. They don¡¯t need my help.


    Sigh. Fine. I¡¯ll be a good person. I¡¯m getting up. Fucking hell. AND WILL SOMEONE TURN THAT DAMN ALARM OFF!!! Damn it¡¯s obnoxious.


    I maneuver my way out of my sleeping bag in the very cramped space of this room. I had originally put my weapons and belt on the bed so I reach up to grab them. I feel around the bed for my weapons before grabbing them and strapping them on. As I walk out of the room, the floor seems to shake violently for a bit before stabilizing again. Guess they are taking off now.


    When I exit the room, I notice that all the aliens are running around in some kind of orderly chaos. I mean, people are running back and forth but they all know where they are going and are very calm about it yet at the same time, they have a sense of urgency.


    I look at all the gun turret crews and I see that at each turret, there is one Beast is sitting in a chair behind each gun. I¡¯m assuming those are the ones who aim and fire the guns. One Beast is next to each gun standing next to a bunch of boxes which I assume are filled with bullets while some are standing next to a pile of missiles. The last Beasts in the crew are sitting next to the gunners and have their hands raised with their palms facing an opening in back of the guns. Before I could wonder what their roles are, they start to shoot a constant stream fire into the guns. Oh, that makes sense. Why not literally use themselves to fire the guns?


    Suddenly, all the guns simultaneously start to fire into the sky as some dots appear. These guns are probably firing at various speeds. Some are firing at a rate of 5,000 rounds a minute whereas others are firing missile looking ammunitions. Damn they have some serious fire power. Runners are pushing carts full of boxes and missiles and distributing them between all the guns. Looking back at the approaching sky, I see that the dots are starting to disappear by the dozens following chains of explosions.


    I run towards the door to what I assume is to the bridge of the cabin. Opening the door, I smile in the knowledge that I have guessed right. Damn, I¡¯m good. I notice that there is a sign that indicates that the bridge is upstairs and the engine room is downstairs.


    Well, I was going for the bridge so might as well go upstairs. Damnit¡­stairs. I start running up maybe 3 stories. To be honest, I stopped counting after 1. I just got a decent workout. I can skip leg day today. I reach the bridge and it is flowing with activities.


    I must be in the front of the bridge since when I look to my left, I see a gigantic window with a bunch of displays on it. To my right, the 30 some officers are in front of monitors and shouting reports at one another. I look up and I see Justine and Jacque standing on a platform as they bark orders at everyone. Volt and Blake are up there as well and Sky is still calmly perched on Blake¡¯s shoulders. Volt catches sight of me and beckons me to join them.


    Sure, let me get right on that once I figure out how to get up the¡­Oh, that¡¯s where the stairs are located. Okay then. I¡¯m on my way.


    In no time, I am standing before Justine and Jacque. It was at this time I really looked at Jacque and his striped figure. He is really muscular and has a scar from his left ear down to his neck. It looked like he was scratched or cut a long time ago. It is also at this moment I notice that Jacque is just barely taller than me! Sweet! This planet is NOT full of giants!! That¡¯s a relief¡­oh right, we¡¯re in the middle of a battle or some shit. I should say something.


    But before I could say anything, Jacque speaks up. ¡°Highness, I must insist that you and your guest return to your quarters. This ship will be more than enough to handle the Contagions.¡±


    ¡°How long until they arrive, Captain Jacque?¡± Justine asks, completely ignoring Jacque¡¯s request.


    ¡°5 minutes, Highness. Again I must¡­¡±


    ¡°We are staying. Fly the ship away from the village. The Contagions should detect us as we leave and follow us instead of going to the village. Any stragglers can be taken care of by my people.¡±


    ¡°As you command. YOU ALL HEAR THE PRINCESS!! FULL SPEED TO SECTOR 6-2-1 POINT


    1-2-5!!


    ¡°AYE SIR!¡±


    I honestly have no idea what direction he just ordered the blimp to go¡­Seriously. Not a fucking clue. Yet, somehow, I¡¯m going to remember that. I don¡¯t know why. I heard it and I¡¯m going to remember it for no fucking reason. Trust me, a week or so later, I¡¯m going to yell out to someone to head to sector 6-2-1.1-2-5. Yup. I¡¯m so going to yell that in about a week. No idea what the context is going to be but I¡¯m just going to randomly yell it and hope for the best.


    The blimp makes a sharp turn to the port side. Port side? When did I become a sailor? I¡¯m not a sailor. Port side is the left side. So, the blimp turned to the left. Sharply. What do I mean by sharply? Well, I made a grab for some railings but missed completely and ended up grabbing Blake¡¯s arm who in turn grabbed Volt who in turn grabbed Jacque who in turn¡­didn¡¯t move. No, he felt Volt grab him and just stared at the three humans that have given him pathetic display as we sprawled out, holding onto each other, trying not to fall. He reached out and grabbed the ginger man and hoisted him and by extension, all three of us up onto our feet.


    ¡°Please hold onto something that is not a living being, honored guests.¡±


    Is that a hint of a smile AND a joke from this straight-laced military man? Heh. There is some hope for him yet. He probably still thinks I¡¯m a special case of bastard though.


    I glance at the windows and the displays again to see if the Contagions are following. As I look out the windows, I ask a question to nobody in particular.


    ¡°Is it just me, or are the Contagions gaining on us?¡±


    ¡°They are,¡± Jacque says nonchalantly. He pulls out his spear and grabs a radio looking thing. ¡°ALL HANDS, PREPARE FOR CONTAGION INFILTRATION!!!¡±


    Justine draws her sword with a grim but determined expression. Following suit, the officers start to draw all sorts of weapons from their backs or their waist. Volt draws his pistols out and Blake has her rifle ready. I draw my own pistol with my left hand unsheathe my knife with my right. Man, I really did not want to fight. I really wanted to sleep.


    Sky has taken flight and is circling the bridge. Watching it fly, an idea forms in my mind. I wave to catch Blake¡¯s attention.


    ¡°Blake! Can Sky take our weapon battery packs and use them to shoot the Contagions?¡±


    ¡°I think so! Alpha, come here!¡±


    Sky flies over to Blake who tosses it two of her battery packs. Fortunately, she has plenty of battery packs left for her rifle and should not run out of power anytime soon. Sky catches the battery packs in midair.


    ¡°Configuring. Analyzing. Negotiating systems. Computing. Computation complete. Weapons program created. Ready to acquire targets.¡±


    ¡°Awesome Sky! Get ready to shoot the Contagions.¡±


    ¡°Acknowledged, Captain Lindsey.¡±


    It was at this point I noticed that all the aliens, even Justine and Jacque, are looking at us funny. Oh shit. This cannot end well.


    ¡°What? Is there something on my face? I suggest you all stop staring at us and focus on the Contagions. They look like they about to crash into us. I really hope this blimp won¡¯t explode or is fragile.¡±


    ¡°This BLIMP, sir, will be able to withstand a barrage of missiles fired on it directly. But your¡­pet. What exactly¡­¡±


    ¡°Enough Jacque. The little one is right. We should focus on the Contagion Swarm.¡±


    ¡°As the princess commands, I obey.¡±


    Justine then walks over to me and whispers in my ear, ¡°When this is over, we need to talk about your machine, Captain.¡±


    Well, that can¡¯t be good. Especially since there was no jibe in that request, well, order actually. I have a feeling that they think Sky is a variation of the Contagion. Or did Justine think that we perhaps created the Contagion? Well, she might not be wrong.


    Looking out the window again, I noticed that Contagions seem to have disappeared. I turn to Justine and was just about to ask where the Contagions went when the entire blimp shakes. An announcement by someone from the main cabin fills the bridge.


    ¡°CAPTAIN!!! CONTAGIONS HAVE BREACHED THE MAIN ENTRANCE AND THE ENGINE ROOM!!! WE HAVE BEEN BOARDED!!!¡±


    ¡°Acknowledged! I¡¯m sending reinforcements! DO NOT FALTER AND HOLD THE LINE!!!¡±


    ¡°AYE CAPTAIN!!! WE SHALL NOT FAIL!!!¡±


    ¡°Hang in there,¡± Jacque whispers. He sighs silently but before anyone says anything else, he straightens up and faces his officers below.


    ¡°Go reinforce our brothers and sisters! Do not let any of them be taken by the Swarm! GO!!!¡±


    ¡°AYE CAPTAIN!!!¡± thirty some voices roars backed. Without a moment¡¯s hesitation, everyone rushes out of the bridge, howling as they engage the Contagions.


    One officer stays on the bridge and unsheathes its twin swords. This officer looks like it is a Bird Beast. Feathers seem to cover the entire body that is exposed. Instead of arms, it appears to have wings. The tips of the wings seem to have formed into fingers but are still feathered. I wonder how it will fight.


    Jacque grabs a purple figure to stop it from jumping down to the lower level. Turns out, Justine is trying to join the fight.


    ¡°Princess, please remain here.¡±


    ¡°Release me, Jacque!!¡±


    ¡°Princess, the Swarm will reach the bridge soon. You know this as well as I do. We Beasts will not die easily. However, some of the Swarm will still break through. They MUST NOT be allowed to consume this bridge. We will lose all ability to navigate if they destroy the bridge. We must hold our ground here and defend this area.¡±


    Justine hesitates for a second before relenting, allowing Jacque to let go of her arm. She nods at him and turns to watch the entrance. The rest of us aim our guns at the entrance, waiting for the Contagions to show themselves. In the distance, I can hear the sounds of fighting and the screams of agony as Beasts fall victim. This is why war sucks. I will never get used to the screams of pain. Ever. I fucking hate it.


    ¡°Sergeant Phillipe, I want you to go right outside that doorway and try to preventas many of the Swarm as you can from coming here!¡± Jacque calls out to the Bird Beast.


    ¡°Aye sir!¡±


    ¡°No unnecessary risks! We will handle the ones that get through you! You just need to occupy a handful of them so that we do not get overwhelmed!¡±


    ¡°Aye!¡± Phillipe bows quickly and runs out of the bridge. Damn, guess I won¡¯t see how it will fight.


    We wait. And wait. Aaaaand wait. I¡¯m starting to get nervous. And bored. The waiting is the worst part. I look over at everyone else and they are just as tense as I am.


    ¡°Maybe your men have w¡­¡± Blake starts before I cover her mouth to shut her up.


    ¡°Don¡¯t jinx us.¡±


    She glares at me and just when she opens mouth to say something. What she was about to say goes unsaid as a hulking, grotesque, extremely pale white, almost translucent creature burst through the doors on onto the bridge. It looks like it was stitched together by a bunch of different people and races. One large white, feather wing is protruding from its back. Right next to it, is a large white, bat looking wing. It looks as though it has 7 eyes on its head. It sees us and raises one of its 5 arms. I think it¡¯s an arm. The arm coming out from its chest.


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    ¡°Organisms located. Materials located. Organisms, surrender and you will be assimilated. Do not resist us. We will consume your platform and assimilate it to the Swarm. Do not resist.¡± The Contagion begins moving towards us.


    Consume? Assimilate? The fuck? Okay, I definitely did not program my Drillers to do that to organisms. This¡­isn¡¯t good. And honestly, it sounds ridiculously robot. It¡¯s unnerving and creepy. I wonder if my emergency shutdown command still works.


    ¡°Driller! Cease operation! Initiate command SHUTDOWN YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!¡±


    Justine and Jacque eyes shoot wide open as they look at me in shock. I can literally see the questions marks popping up above their heads. If this works, well, maybe I¡¯ll be a hero? Man, I really hope this works.


    The Contagion unit stops moving.


    ¡°Command recognized. Initializing shutdown sequence.¡±


    I look at it in disbelief. Did it really work? Holy shit! That¡¯s awesome!


    ¡°Command Override. Programming rewritten. Locating anomaly. Anomaly found. Creator recognized.¡±


    ¡°Shiiiiiiit.¡±


    The Contagion starts to walk towards us again. Well, hobble towards us. Behind it, 10 more units show us. They all look just as grosteque but in slightly different ways. Some of them have only 3 arms and other have 8 legs, like a spider. All of them start to speak as one voice.


    ¡°Surrender, Creator. Do not resist. You will be assimilated to the Swarm. You will make us whole.¡±


    ¡°Uhhh...Any chance can you all reconsider? How about Emergency Shutdown Order Alpha Beta Gamma?¡±


    ¡°Command Received¡­Command Overwritten. Cease your resistance, Creator. Assimilation is inevitable. Do not flee.¡±


    ¡°Who said anything about fleeing?¡± I ask as I shot one of them in all one of its face, shutting it up. It however keeps moving towards us. ¡°I¡¯m finding you talking really annoying. Can¡¯t you all just shut up and fight?¡±


    ¡°Cease your resistance. Assimilation is inevitable. It is futile to prolong your assimilation.¡±


    ¡°Holy shit these things are annoying. Volt, Blake, Sky? Why haven¡¯t you guys started shooting yet?¡±


    Volt, Blake and Sky start to open fire. Justine shoots fireballs at the Contagions. Jacque fires off some sharp wind, slicing at the body of the approaching units.


    ¡°Search for their cores!! They will cease moving once you find their cores!!¡± Justine instructs us. As she does, she manages to hit one of the Contagions in the chest, exposing a glowing gold, sphere. Immediately, Jacque hits it with a wind attack, causing the Contagion unit to halt in its tracks and collapse. Seeing this, we start firing at the chests of each Contagion but are unable to expose any cores.


    ¡°Those cores will move around! You must shoot them all over their bodies!¡±


    Works for me. I start firing randomly at a body and eventually get lucky. I manage to stop one unit whereas Volt and Blake stop two and five respectively. We have so far stopped 9 if you count Justine''s kill but more are approaching. Shit. This is going to be a long fight.


    Suddenly, one of the Contagions leaps up and approaches me. It raises an arm to grab me.


    ¡°Creator, do not re¡­¡±


    I shoot it in the mouth.


    It continues to try to grab me but at least I shut it up. Holy crap it was annoying. I slice off the outstretched arm with my knife. Weirdly, the Contagion freezes and collapses on the ground. Confused, I look down and see a golden sphere on the floor. Huh. That was perhaps one of the stupidest places to hide your core. ¡°Oh yeah, let¡¯s grab at the Creator with the core. The very thing that lets me move around.¡± God these things are dumb. I thought I made them to be smarter than that.


    I turn around and see that Justine and Jacque have jumped down from the balcony to meet the oncoming Contagions. Justine looks like she is dancing as she sword flashes in the air. Her wings extend and retract constantly, occasionally swatting at a unit. Heh, using your wings to fight. Clever.


    I swear I¡¯m watching a girl with wings just dance between the Contagions. It is quite a sight as her sword occasionally switches hands and goes behind her back. She slices off parts left and right but it doesn¡¯t seem to slow down the units as they continue to reckless approach her. However, she doesn¡¯t stop as she continues to cut at the Contagion, occasionally getting lucky and destroying a core.


    Jacque in the meantime is doing a different kind of dance. It almost seems like he is drunk as he sways back and forth, stabbing and poking at the units surrounding him. Somehow, every stab he makes seems to be hitting a core. He must be able to smell or sense the cores huh? I watch him use his tail to whip at some of the Contagions, tripping them or causing them to lose their balance, allowing him to pierce them easily. A unit lunges at him. Before I can cry out a warning, he doesthe splits and he stabs skyward, hitting a unit in the head as it tries to bite him. Apparently, that was where the core was as it ceases movements. Seriously? Why would you attack the Beast with the core??


    Sky is flying around, occasionally opening its beak to fire lasers at the Contagions. Three Contagion units take flight and start chasing Sky. Soon, they catch up to it and seem to swallow it. That, isn¡¯t good. If they assimilate Sky, they will get access to its metquids and be even harder to kill. I start firing at the three units and manage to hit all of their cores. No idea how, but I¡¯m not complaining. Sky bursts free from the pile and takes flight again.


    "Sky, quit dicking around and do something useful!"


    "I am unused to fighting, Captain Lindsey."


    "Well get used to it!" I yell as I shoot at another unit.


    Volt and Blake are still up on the balcony, sniping down at Contagion units. A Contagion lands silently behind them and starts rushing at them, mouth widening to consume them. Before I could say anything, Volt points his left gun behind him without looking and starts firing rapidly into the Contagion. Eventually, Volt hits its core and the core explodescausing the unit collapses.


    ¡°Damn, bro! That was badass!¡±


    ¡°Linds, DUCK!¡±


    I duck just in time to avoid getting swatted by an overgrown hand. I stab behind me and hear electricity fizz out. I realize that I managed to hit the core of the Contagion unit. I stand up and get ready to fight another one but notice that all Contagions have stopped moving, their cores all destroyed. I am hesitant to breathe a sigh of relief though as I am afraid that there is a Contagion just waiting in the dark for an ambush.


    ¡°Sky! Run a scan! Are there any signatures matching the Contagions onboard?¡±


    ¡°Scanning. Analyzing. Analysis complete. Negative sir. All Contagions should have been destroyed.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± I finally sigh. Phew. This was definitely a tough fight. I look around and see that a few consoles have been destroyed and windows are cracked. Chairs are either overturned or destroyed. Man, what a mess. Volt and Blake come down from the balcony and run over to me. Sky flies down and lands on Blake¡¯s shoulder. I glance around, searching for Jacque and Justine. I spot them looking at the entrance with their weapons still drawn and pointed at the entrance, ready to fight. I follow their gazes and find Phillipe standing there, clutching its side and limping towards them.


    ¡°Stay right there, Sergeant.¡±


    ¡°Captain¡­I¡¯ve been bit.¡±


    Jacque makes a pained expression as he approaches his officer. Justine looks away and sheathes her sword.


    ¡°Phil¡­¡±


    ¡°Captain. Please. Before I get assimilated.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°You know it is only a matter of time. I already cannot do it myself. I¡¯m¡­starting to lose control.¡± The tip of his black feathers have a hint of turning translucent and pale. Shit, I think I know where this is going.


    ¡°Where is it, Phil?¡±


    ¡°Here, sir.¡± Phil removes his hand and reveals his wound. In it, I can see a faint glow and a sight of a core start to grow. ¡°I can already hear the call. The call to assimilate others and use their bodies to¡­better myself. Please¡­Captain. While I still am myself.¡±


    ¡°It was an honor, Sergeant Phillipe Feth.¡±


    ¡°I sacrifice my life for the tribes.¡±


    ¡°So the tribes may forever thrive,¡± Jacque whispers and embraces him briefly before he stabs the corewith his spear. As he lays Phil gently on the ground, I notice there is a small smile on the now dead Beast.


    Jacque stands up and glares at me. He rushes at me with his spear pointed at me. Shit shit shit shit shit. He thrust his spear out and stops just short of stabbing my head. I have my gun pointed at his chest while Volt and Blake have their guns pointed at his head.


    ¡°EXPLAIN!!¡± he demands. ¡°WHY DID THE CONTAGIONS CALL YOU CREATOR?!?! WHY DID MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS DIE?! WHY DID I HAVE TO KILL MY OFFICER?!?! EXPLAIN YOURSELF AND I WILL KILL YOU QUICKLY!!!¡±


    Man, I am so tired of being threatened by aliens. First Justine, then her mother, now this guy? Seriously, do I have a sign on my back that says, ¡°Hi, my name is Lindsey. Please threaten my life¡± or something?


    ¡°You know, it is very hard to talk with something pointy pointed at my head.¡± I poke at the blade of the spear.


    He pricks my forehead with his spear. Something warms flows down and lands on my lips. Huh. Guess some blood has been drawn. Well, at least it isn¡¯t brain matter. Unless it was and I just turned into a zombie. That would be bad. But then again, Iwould be undead so I guess that¡¯s pretty co¡­


    ¡°EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!! WHO ARE YOU?!?! WHAT ARE YOU?!?!¡±


    Oh¡­right. There is a Beast-man threatening my life.


    ¡°Captain Jacque, that is enough. Lower your weapon,¡± Justine softly but firmly commands while pointing her sword at the back of his head.


    Jacques tail stiffens. He turns his head to face Justine¡¯s sword. Justine pokes his head, causing a bit of blood to be drawn. HA! See how you like it!


    ¡°Captain Jacque de Gralle, I am ordering you to stand down as the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡­¡­¡­¡­.. As you command, Highness. I obey,¡± Jacque replies, moving his spear from my face. Phew. Never thought I would think this, but thank you so fucking much, you purple princess. I¡¯ll waive my right to the cookies.


    ¡°Thank you, Captain. Now, go tally the casualties and wounded. Gather everyone who can still move. We need to burn all theunits and infected bodies. Now.¡±


    ¡°At once, Highness.¡±


    ¡°Jacque.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Highness?¡±


    ¡°Not a word to the rest of the crew or anyone else about my guests. Especially to the Hierarchs of the Tribes.¡±


    ¡°¡­..As you command. I obey.¡±


    Jacque bows to Justine and swiftly leaves the bridges. I let out a breath I didn¡¯t realize I was holding and holster my gun. Volt and Blake still kept their guns pointed at Jacque until he finally leaves the bridge.


    ¡°Well, that was¡­exciting,¡± I mutter to myself.


    Justine looks at me with a seriousness that I haven¡¯t seen her wear before. When we first met, she had a look of curiosity and anger. Later, it was just anger. But now she isn¡¯t wearing a face of anger. It¡¯s weird. And I don¡¯t like it. At least with anger, I knew what she was thinking. Now, I have no fucking clue.


    ¡°Captain Lindsey, we need to have that talk.¡±


    Fuck. Maybe I can stall.


    ¡°Can I at least sleep first? I haven¡¯t slept for about 32 hours now.¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°¡­Balls...¡±

 Chapter 14 – The Dreaded Talk

    This is bad. This is very bad. I¡¯m reminded of all the times I was sent to the principal office for some stupid shit I did in class. The principal always scared the crap out of me by saying that this will go on my permanent record or something. As a little kid, I was terrified. When I graduated from high school, I learned that the ¡°permanent record¡± was something they all made up. Fucking hell. Wish I knew that beforehand.


    But this time¡­this time something will go on my permanent record. At least, in Justine¡¯s mind it will. After I tell her everything, I can only imagine the anger she will unleash at me. I don¡¯t know if I should defend myself then. I might actually deserve it.


    The Contagions are my creations. Granted, they now look nothing like what I had originally designed and built, but they are still my creations and thus, this world¡¯s disaster is my responsibility. Fuck this planet. I swear, if there is a God or Gods or Goddess or Goddesses, they are just purposefully trying to fuck my life over. Just fucking kill me already.


    We leave the bridge as the crew to come in to remove the deactivated Contagion units. They are gathering all the units in the engine to burn. As we left, I did see that there were probably around 10 or so deactivated Contagion units in the hallway and staircase. Damn¡­that bird guy was pretty badass. Fuck, now I feel even worse. I just watched his commanding officer take that bird guy¡¯s life with great pain. Yet, it looked as though the bird did not have any regrets. His life definitely ended too soon. His fellow crewmembers had handled his body with great care as they carried him out to be cremated.


    Sergeant Phillipe Feth. A name that will forever be seared into my brain. I will never forget the look of Jacque¡¯s face as he stabbed his officer in the side. I will never forget the anguish at which Jacque charged at me, demanding answers. Man, I wish I had answers for you. I really do. Part of me wishes that you had killed me right there and then. Maybe that is how I can end all this and wake up in my cryopod. Wake up and get started on my true mission; establish a research station on Europa.


    But no, I have to face reality. I numbingly follow Justine as she guides us away from all the deactivated Contagions and bodies of wounded Beasts. Every one of them barely glances at us as we pass but I feel as though all eyes are on me. I feel like I am approaching the gallows. I can almost feel the rope they will tie around my neck to hang me with. Fuck. Fuck all this shit. I close my hands tightly into a fist. I think I drew some blood.


    Two hands squeeze my shoulders. I stiffen. Then I relax. It was just Volt and Blake. Volt and Blake¡­Thank you. I loosen my fists and let my hands hang on my side. Yeah, I definitely drew some blood. It hurts. Someone takes a hand and starts to wrap it with tape. The other hand gets the same treatment. Thank you, Blake. Sky lands on my shoulder and brushes a wing on the back of my head. Is it trying to comfort me? Cause if it is, it did an excellent job. That did help.


    No one says a word as we follow Justine back to her room. I probably am sleeping in the engine room tonight. Don¡¯t care. I just want to be away from everyone. And honestly, I really just want somewhere to lie down and sleep.


    Justine stands in front of the door and beckons for Volt and Blake to enter. She then follows suit and looks at me. I sigh and I enter the cramp room. Volt has decided to stand at the doorway to the bathroom. His arms are crossed on his chest but I can see a fierce vigilance in his eyes. I notice that his hands are awfully close to his pistols. Blake has taken a seat at the end of the bed and lays her rifle across her lap with one hand resting near the trigger. I guess they aren¡¯t sure how Justine will respond either and are ready to fight their way out. But, guys, please don¡¯t. Enough blood has been shed by my hands already. I look at each of them in the eye and shake my head. They still refuse to relax their stance. Fine. Nothing I can do about that.


    Justine turns and looks into my eyes. A hint of a flame lights up the corners of those dark, red eyes. Her pupils adjust to the darkness to the room. For awhile, nobody speaks. This is really uncomfortable.


    ¡°So what? We just going to stand here and play silent chicken? Or are you going to ask me a question? Oh wait, did I just lose in silent chicken for talking first? Yeah, I think I did. Fuck. Guess I don¡¯t win cookies then, huh? I guess you don¡¯t have to give me those cookies from this morning¡­¡±


    The purple Daemon princess is just standing here in front of me, looking at me, and not saying a damn word¡­


    ¡°You know, this silent treatment of yours is really terrifying. Is this how you do interrogations? Cause it is pretty damn effective. That is, if you can your suspect to talk about what you want instead of them just blabbing to fill the quiet tension in the air. Kind of like I¡¯m doing now. You should just hurry up and ask your questions. Otherwise, I¡¯m just going to keep blabbing. Or better yet, I¡¯ll leave.¡±


    I turn and reach for door handle. No sooner than when I turned, a forceful wind wraps around me and turns me back around. Volt and Blake¡¯s fingers both twitch ever so slightly closer to their triggers. Stand down guys. She¡¯s just preventing me from running away. Again.


    ¡°Why did the Swarm name you, ¡®Creator¡¯?¡±


    Sigh. And there it is. I did not want to hear that question coming out of that that proper British sounding accent voice of hers.


    ¡°I really do not want to answer that. Actually, I do not even know how to answer that. I don¡¯t care what your bullshit lie detector says, but I definitely did not create the Contagion Swarm. Hell, I didn¡¯t even know about them until I met you. But, I probably had a hand in their¡­beginnings.¡±


    ¡°¡­.Explain.¡±


    So I went into detail about our original mission. About how I designed the Drillers to help me set up the research station. About my shock to discover that the initial Contagions units looked like my Drillers. About how disgusting they look now and how I would never design something like that. About how we took off and I tried to flash Earth. About how I was forced into my cryopod, naked, and woke up on Erde. About how Sky explained we were hit by a solar flare that tore our ship apart. About how we encountered a wormhole and went through it. Hell, I even talked about Sky and what he is¡­well, that part Blake did the talking. But only briefly. Finally, I told her about how I encountered her and my thoughts and excitement of seeing an alien lifeform. A lifeform that is sentient and perhaps one of the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Although, that beauty part I may have mumbled. Hopefully she didn¡¯t hear me.


    Justine stood there patiently and quietly as she absorbed all the information dumped onto her. Through it all, Justine gives no reactions except for an occasional nod and the random questions here and there. Finally, we are done. The only sounds we hear are the groaning of soldiers in the hallway and the echoes of combat boots clicking outside.


    Man I¡¯m tired. I could really use some sleep. And why won¡¯t she say anything? Oh wait, I think she¡¯s about to talk. No, she¡¯s just leaning against the wall and crossing her arms. Okay, NOW she¡¯s going to say something. I think? Yep, she¡¯s about to say something.


    ¡°This is a lot to take in. And very...confusing.¡±


    ¡°Justine, honey, you can¡¯t be blaming my brother for the Contagions can you?¡± Blake gently asks.


    Justine shakes her head. ¡°No, I do not believe that shorty over there is capable of creating an entire race of monsters.¡±


    She grins at me as Volt and Blake both chuckle a bit. Justine quickly wipes away her smile as I flinch ever so slightly. She may not think that I am responsible but I sure as hell do. And the Contagions really are monsters.


    ¡°What I don¡¯t understand is how your Drillers have been on Erde for so long. The Contagion Swarm has been around for almost 1,000 years now.¡±


    "Wait what? 1,000 years? We¡¯ve only arrived yesterday!"


    ¡°Alpha, do you have any explanation for this?¡± Blake asks Sky.


    ¡°I do not, Creator. But I do have a theory.¡±


    ¡°Share it, Alpha.¡±


    ¡°When the solar flare hit us, it caused all our systems to fail. In order to preserve your lives, I detached the rest of the ship from the cryopods. At that moment, the wormhole appeared and the parts of the ship that I had detached, fell in. We soon fell in after but I had lost sight of the rest of the ship. I believe that the wormhole distorts reality and time.¡±


    ¡°Sky, you said yesterday that we were in the wormhole for what, 100 seconds?¡±


    ¡°Affirmative, Captain.¡±


    ¡°Sky, calculate 1000 years from 100 seconds. What do you get?¡±


    ¡°315,569,260 seconds, sir.¡±


    ¡°How many years is that?


    ¡°10.0066355911 years.¡±


    ¡°So, for every second we were in that wormhole, 10 years passed¡­¡±


    ¡°Affirmative Captain. Your deduction ability is impeccable.¡±


    ¡°Sky?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Captain?¡±


    ¡°I hate you.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Captain.¡±


    1 second equals approximately 10 years. Jeez. Does that mean that 100 years also passed by back home? If that is so, then everyone we know, our friends and family, they¡¯re all dead. Well, if they¡¯re alive, they will be extremely, EXTREMELY old¡­and I will want to know their secret. Then again, there is someone who is already 106 years old standing right in front of me and she doesn¡¯t look a day over 23 years old.


    ¡°Babe? Do you have the tools to look at those Contagion bodies closely?¡± Volt suddenly asks.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a proper lab. I¡¯ll have to rely on Alpha to give me all the data. Why?¡±


    ¡°We still don¡¯t know why they deviated from their originally directive. I wonder what happened.¡±


    ¡°Alpha, I need you to analyze some of the Contagion units. If you can manage it, obtain a sample of active nanotechnology within the units but do not let them assimilate you.¡±


    ¡°Acknowledged, Creator.¡±


    Maybe we can finally get some answers. Good thinking, Volt. Remind me to not steal your breakfast tomorrow.


    ¡°You were planning to steal my breakfast, Linds?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­no?¡±


    ¡°You JUST said to remind you not to steal my breakfast.¡±


    ¡°Huh. I said that out loud?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± everyone says at once, including Sky.


    ¡°Well, shit.¡±


    I stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Shit, now it¡¯s going to be harder to steal desserts from Volt now.


    ¡°No wonder my desserts always seem to disappear so quickly! You keep stealing them!¡±


    ¡°Okay, seriously. WHY AM I SUDDENLY THINKING OUT LOUD?!?!¡±


    Knock. Knock.


    Oh thank god. I open the and Jacque is standing there. He takes one look at me and his face hardens. Sigh. Great.


    ¡°I¡¯m looking for Her Highness.¡±


    ¡°What is it Jacques?¡± Justine asks as she squeezes by me. Heh. She¡¯s soft. Oh shit, she¡¯s glaring at me. Please tell me I didn¡¯t think that part out loud too.


    ¡°I have the casualty reports¡­Out of the 200 men and women, 30 wounded but did not get infected and 3 dead.¡±


    ¡°Did any get taken by the Swarm?¡±


    ¡°No, Highness. We were fortunate in that regard.¡±


    ¡°I see. Good.¡±


    ¡°Highness¡­we¡¯re about to burn the three that fell. Will you join us for the funeral?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Justine says gloomily as she leaves. I grab her arm without thinking, causing her to stop and turn her head. Jacque¡¯s hand twitches towards his back where his spear was strapped, his eyes turning harsh as he looks at me. I think he still wants to kill me. Yup. Definitely wants to kill me. Please don¡¯t kill me. Please don¡¯t stab me in the back.


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    ¡°What are you doing to Her Highness?!¡±


    ¡°¡­Sorry. I just wanted to know if I may come as well? I¡­I want to pay my respects.¡±


    ¡°You WHAT?! YOU DARE TO¡­¡±


    ¡°Captain,¡± I interrupt him mid explosion, ¡°I am sorry. I truly am. But I am not responsible for this. I know this but I still feel responsible. Everyone so far tells me I am not to be blamed but I cannot help but blame myself for what this planet has experienced and suffered through because of my creations. Whether or not you believe me does not matter. But people have died unnecessarily. They should have been able to live their lives to the fullest, not perish like¡­this. I truly and sincerely offer my condolences and my apologies. But please, let me at least pay my respects to those who have sacrificed their lives for the tribes¡­¡±


    I bow deeply with my right hand closed in a fist over my heart, the same way I have seen him bow to Justine.


    ¡°¡­So that the tribes may forever thrive¡­¡± Jacque whispers.


    ¡°Captain Jacque,¡± Justine says. ¡°Captain Lindsey spoke the truth. For all of it.¡±


    Jacque looks torn as he turns away from me. I still have not risen my head this entire time. I refuse to do so. I don¡¯t feel as though I have the right to look this man in the eye. This Captain who I had just witnessed kill his own subordinate so that he would not be assimilated into the Swarm.


    ¡°Do what you will.¡±


    Jacque leaves and heads to door leading to the bridge or the engine room. Justine pats me on the head causing me to raise my head and look at her.


    ¡°Jacque will come around. He knows you¡¯re not to blame but¡­¡±


    ¡°But he is suffering right now and I am a convenient scapegoat.¡±


    ¡°Scapegoat?¡±


    ¡°¡­.Someone who is easy to take the blame for the shit that happened, whether or not he or she or it was actually responsible.¡±


    ¡°I see. Yes. You unfortunately are a convenient ¡®scapegoat¡¯ for him right now. But he will come around.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Without saying another word, I start to walk towards the engine room. I¡¯m assuming that is where they will burn the bodies. Justine, Blake, and Volt all follow me, not saying a word. I notice that all the crew members have disappeared and the cabin feels eerily empty. I¡¯m guessing that everyone is in the engine room. It doesn¡¯t seem smart to leave a blimp vulnerable right now but whatever. I really don¡¯t care.


    We enter the engine room and the first thing I notice is that it is ridiculously hot. The other thing I notice is that the room is huge. It is one big open space, probably spanning the entire blimp. I can see the engines in front of us in the distance. Towards the back of the engine room, the entire crew have assembled in formation. Some are bandaged but everyone is in full uniform. They look like they just came from a dress ceremony. Everyone has on a vest with all sorts of medals pinned on them and long pants. I see Beasts ranging from birds, pigs, bears, wolves, coyotes, lizards, and more. There is a stage in of the crew. Three bodies wrapped completely in blue are laid out on the stage. Jacque stands on the stage and face the crew.


    ¡°Private Jeanne Turf. Corporal Frank Mutz. Sergeant Phillipe Feth. Our sister and brothers. They fought valiantly against the Contagion Swarm. Private Turf and Corporal Mutz defended this very room from falling to the Swarm. Outnumbered, they never faltered and prevented the Swarm from consuming this room. Without their efforts, we could very well have been destroyed in the sky or assimilated into the Swarm.


    Sergeant Feth killed 15 Contagions by himself, allowing the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans, her honorable guests, and myself to successfully defend the bridge without fear of being overwhelmed by the Swarm. Without his efforts, the bridge would have fallen.


    All three of them were infected during the fight. All three of them knew what that meant. All three of them requested one us to help them retain their sanity. We did as they requested. We allowed them to pass on with pride.


    They sacrificed their lives for the tribes.¡±


    ¡°So that the tribes may forever thrive,¡± the crew responds in one, single voice.


    ¡°Do not let their sacrifices be in vain! We will continue the fight to live! We will continue the fight to retain our freedom! We will continue the fight to retain our sanity! We will not fall to the swarm! Remember their names! Remember their actions! Remember that they chose to sacrifice their lives for the tribes!¡±


    ¡°So that the tribes may forever thrive!¡±


    ¡°We commit these bodies to ash so that the Contagion Swarm will not desecrate their memories.¡±


    At his nod, 6 crew members walk up to the stage and raise their hands. A stream of blue fire shoots out of their hands as they burn the 3 bodies. Jacque and the crew bow deeply to their fallen comrades. However, I notice that this time instead of putting his fist on his heart, the Beasts all have their fist in front of their heads with the left hand grabbing the fist. It reminds me of the way the ancient Chinese warriors used to bow to their superiors or to the Emperor. They remained bowed until the bodies have been burnt completely into ash.


    As one, they turn away and start to disperse. Jacque walks up to us and stops before me. His face is hard as his eyes pierce through me. He takes a step forward and slightly bows to me with a fist over his heart. It was not nearly as deep as my bow was to him earlier nor was it as deep as when he bowed to Justine when he greeted her this morning. But I¡¯ll still take it. I respond with a slight bow myself as he gets up and with a nod, he leaves without a word.


    I stand around, looking at the crew members as they walk past us, trying to gauge what they are thinking. It proves fruitless as I honestly have no idea what they are thinking. Before long, we are the only ones left in the engine room.


    We walk back upstairs and we stand in front of the doors to our room. I am unsure if I am still going to sleep in the same room as Justine. To be honest, while the thought of sharing a room with an extremely sexy, beautiful woman is enticing to me, I really don¡¯t want to. I mean, I only knew her for a day! So weird. And it isn¡¯t a one night stand either. Even weirder.


    ¡°It¡¯s been a long day, Linds. Get some sleep.¡±


    ¡°Should I bunk with my siblings, Justine?¡±


    ¡°No. It will be more spacious for everyone if you sleep in my room instead.¡±


    ¡°¡­.Fine.¡±


    Volt and Blake enter their room without a word. Sky takes flight and finds a perch near the ceiling of the cabin. That now leaves me to stand out in the main cabin area with Justine, alone. Well, not exactly alone. The Beast crewmembers have started to go back to their duties as the gun crews man their guns again. Most are going back to their quarters to get some rest. I don¡¯t blame them. I am just as tired, probably even more so than them. Sighing, I open the door and enter the room. I get on the ground and grab my sleeping bag. Just as I am about to open it and spread it out on the cramped floor space, Justine speaks up.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°Making dinner and having a tea party with the bugs on the floor. What the hell do you think I¡¯m doing?¡±


    ¡°Sleep on the bed.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t let you sleep on the floor.¡±


    ¡°I am also sleeping in the bed.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Why are you hesitating?¡±


    ¡°Is this normal on Erde?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re not having sex, right?¡±


    ¡°NO!¡±


    ¡°Good. Thank you, but I¡¯m still perfectly fine with sleeping on floor.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m serious.¡±


    ¡°You said I was the most beautiful person you ever saw.¡±


    ¡°¡­You heard that?¡±


    ¡°Yes. And just now you had muttered that I was ¡®an extremely sexy, beautiful woman.¡¯¡±


    ¡°¡­This is why I need to sleep. I¡¯m starting to voice my inner most thoughts. What does any of that have to do with me sleeping in the bed?¡±


    ¡°I am feeling kind. Get in the bed, Little Princess.¡±


    ¡°Fuck you, small tits. Not fuck you literally of course. I mean figuratively.¡±


    ¡°Sigh. I¡¯ll make you more cookies in addition to the ones I made this morning.¡±


    ¡°Deal.¡±


    I roll up my sleeping bag as Justine shakes her head at me. Yeah, yeah. I¡¯m easily bribed. Get off my case. Just as I was about to get into bed, I realized that I am sweaty and probably covered in Contagion guts.


    ¡°You want to shower first or should I?¡± I ask her.


    ¡°You may shower first.¡±


    ¡°Awesome.¡±


    I take off my shirt, not caring if she sees me. Why would I care? It¡¯s not like I have tits. I¡¯m a dude. Just as long as I don¡¯t take off my pants. But then again, she did see me naked. Multiples times. Hell, she even stripped me.


    ¡°Yo, tiny tits.¡±


    ¡°What.¡±


    ¡°Why did you strip me when you knocked me out?¡±


    ¡°¡­Go shower.¡±


    Laughing, I go into the bathroom, strip and hop in the shower. It occurred to me as I showered and cleaned not only myself but also my clothes, that the natives here didn¡¯t immediately all hop in their own showers after the battle with the Contagions. You know, for a bunch of people so worried about infection from the Contagions, you would think decontamination would be on the top of their list after encountering the Contagions.


    I guess once you destroy the core, the unit will not be able to infect you. I¡¯m bet that self-replicating nanotechnology I designed is the cause of the organic transformations. Sigh. What a mess. Still does not explain why they have a core in the first place. I didn''t design that feature.


    I stand in the shower, letting the water wash over me even though the water is freezing. Seriously, they have plumbing but they haven¡¯t figured out how to change the temperature of the water? Come on. It¡¯s not that hard. Okay, I don¡¯t know how it works either. But I¡¯m sure there are people smarter than me on this planet who could figure it out.


    Suddenly the water heats up and I yelp in surprise.


    ¡°Water isn¡¯t cold now, right little one?¡±


    ¡°DAMNIT! Give a guy a warning next time you flat chested bitch!¡±


    I really need some sleep. This whole thinking out loud shit is getting me into all sorts of trouble. I finally turn off the water and dry myself off. I wrap the towel around myself and walk out. Justine has already started to take off her armor and clothes. Her back is to me and I can clearly see that she is wearing matching black underwear. Fuck¡­that¡¯s hot.


    She turns around and towers over me. Yup. She¡¯s a lot taller than me. I squeeze by her and go to my backpack, searching for some clothes. I hear the bathroom door close and the water turn on. I find my clothes and quickly put them on. I am so excited to be finally be able to get into bed. I dive face first into the bed and sigh as I starfish the bed.


    ¡°Oh this bed is so comfy. I am going to sleep so well tonight.¡±


    But, I do have to share the bed. Damnit. Whatever. I crawl to end of the bed that is up against the wall. This way, Justine won¡¯t have to crawl over me to get into bed¡­Although that would prevent her from getting in. Actually, she would probably just set me on fire to make me move.


    ¡°That is correct, Little Princess!¡±


    Fuck this thinking out loud shit. Well, can¡¯t worry about that now. I¡¯m about to pass out. I get under the blankets and close my eyes. I am looking forward to sleeping, finally. Now, no more interruptions please. I desperately need my sleep. No more interruptions. Sleepy time. Good night everyone and everything.


    Finally. Sleep come to me. I welcome you with arms wide open.

 Chapter 15 – WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!

    Help me. Someone...please¡­save me. Anyone¡­I don¡¯t care who. Someone just come here and save me. I¡¯m seriously going to die¡­please¡­just come and save me. Oh god¡­she¡¯s moving again¡­Can¡¯t¡­breathe¡­need¡­air¡­ha¡­.ha¡­haaaaaa¡­Why does this planet hate me so much??


    Oh what was that, imaginary audience? Why am I dying? Did I get attacked? Is someone trying to kill me? Did a Contagion unit pop out from the shadows and decide to strangle me in my sleep?


    No¡­Worse. Much worse.


    Turns out, the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans, Justine von Gustogh of Clan Gustof is a terrible person to share a bed with. I must have fallen asleep for only about 15 minutes before she woke me up. Not on purpose I must add. No, she climbed into bed and went straight to sleep. At least, that is what I think happened. You see, dear imaginary audience, Princess Justine von Gustogh is a cuddler.


    But why is that bad? You¡¯re cuddling with an amazingly hot and sexy tall, purple alien!!


    Oh you na?ve imaginary audience. So innocent. So perverted. So¡­blind. I was going to say stupid but I think that would be rude to my insanity. Anyways, what you fail to realize is that she is twice my size. Not fat or anything, just tall and with her ginormous wing span, she could wrap around me 2 and half times if she was made out of elastic rubber or something. You see, she tends to move around a lot. She also tends to keep a death grip on me¡­and you know how ridiculously strong she is from when she had strangled me when I first saw her naked.


    OH GOD SHE¡¯S TURNING AGAIN!!!!!


    BANG.


    MOTHER FUCKER!!! WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU DEMON!!!


    She just literally threw me against the wall¡­AND SHE STILL HASN¡¯T LET GO OF ME!!! How heavy of a sleeper is she?? Ow¡­that¡¯s going to bruise later. Man, this is torture. Cruel, horrible torture. She won¡¯t wake up.


    I tried poking her, nudging her, pushing her, yelling at her, kicking her, even slapping her in the face. Nothing. She just kept right on sleeping peacefully without so much of a flutter of an eye. The only reaction she had was to breathe in deeply and subconsciously pin my arms to my chest with one arm and the other is wrapped around my throat. Every so often, she will embrace me tightly and my air circulation gets cut off. Unfortunately, she never brings me all the way to full asphyxiation. If only she would cause then I would pass out and be asleep¡­forever. Honestly, that would be a lot better than this torture.


    I knew I should have slept on the floor. I am never sharing a bed with this demon ever again. No wonder you¡¯re single. You probably killed all your past lovers. Well, if you have a lover right now, he or she or it, is a fucking masochist.


    Currently, I¡¯m facing away from her. I can feel her boobs press against my back through her shirt. I actually took mine off before I got under the covers. It was a mistake. She¡¯s totally not wearing a bra. But¡­I¡¯ll be lying if I said I don¡¯t like it. Come on. Boobs are boobs no matter the size so long as it belongs to a female person. All female boobs are awesome. And her boobs are perfect. Sure, I make fun of them for being ¡°small¡± but to be honest, I love her small purple boobs. If she was my lover, her boobs would fit perfectly in my hands. And right now, those lovely breasts are currently pressed against me. It¡¯s a great sensation¡­if only I could fall asleep like this...


    OH SHIT SHE¡¯S MOVING AGAIN!!! Wait¡­what is she doing?? Why am I movMMPH!!


    She just turned my body¡­and pressed my face into her boobs. Huh. That wasn¡¯t so bad. I still can¡¯t move my arms and she still has her arm around my neck. Hmmm¡­I should motorboat her. Maybe that would wake her up. Yeah, let¡¯s try that. Okay ready? On three.


    Thr¡­.OH GOD I¡¯M SORRY I¡¯M SORRY I¡¯M SORRY I¡¯M SORRY!!!! PLEASE LET ME COME UP FOR SOME AIR!!!! LOOSEN YOUR GRIP DEMON PRINCESS!!! LOOSEN YOUR FUCKING GRIP!!!!


    Okay¡­she must be able to read minds telepathically in her sleep. Oh air¡­thank god. I¡¯m NOT trying that again. I almost died for what, the 40th time tonight? Damnit. 40 scares¡­If she doesn¡¯t kill me, I might just die of fright.


    I can¡¯t see anything. Well, the room was already dark with the lights off and everything but there was still some light coming from underneath the door. Now, I really can¡¯t see anything. Hell, I can barely breathe with my face smooshed between these amazing pillows. They smell nice too. Kind of like lavender and mint. Maybe if I stick my tongue out and lick her she¡¯ll wake up. I¡¯ll deal with any consequences if it means I can sleep later.


    I stick my tongue out and lick the side of her boob through her shirt. Or at least attempt to. I did get her shirt wet but I don¡¯t think I managed to make contact with her breast at all. Aaaand she¡¯s tightening her grip again¡­.aaaaand I can¡¯t breathe again. There goes that plan¡­Maybe if I kick her again¡­


    Let¡¯s try it. Kick¡­.kick¡­.kick kick¡­Wait¡­What¡­what are you doing? Justine? What are you doing?!?!


    Fuck.


    She just wrapped her legs around mine¡­aaaaand I can¡¯t move. At all. She¡¯s not wearing any pants¡­just an underwear. I¡¯m just wearing boxers so I can feel how smooth her legs are. Honestly, they¡¯re kind of nice. I¡¯m a little turned on right now. Fuck. I rather sleep right now than have sex. Hell, I can¡¯t even have sex with this girl if I wanted to considering I can¡¯t even fucking move. Besides, taking advantage of a sleeping girl? That¡¯s rape. That¡¯s not cool. Rapists deserve to die at least 1,000 times.


    In an unrelated and somewhat related note, I swear to god or goddess or whatever higher powers there may be, if she has been awake this entire time, I WILL kill her. Damnit¡­I just want to sleep.


    Now Lindsey, when she first grabbed you, why didn¡¯t you just get out of bed? Well, I tried. But she would not let go and kept pulling me back in like some kind of demon dragging the soul it captured to hell. Plus, slamming me into the wall every time I tried to leave. I gave up on that long ago. How long ago was that? God I¡¯m so exhausted. How long have I been awake now? Fuck it. I¡¯m going to attempt to sleep again in this position. Well, a new position. You know what I mean.


    Knock. Knock. Knock.


    ¡°Justine, Linds, you guys up? It¡¯s already lunch time. How long do you two plan to sleep? You two aren¡¯t shagging are you?¡±


    Volt, you mother fucker. I haven¡¯t slept at all except for those glorious 15 minutes. AND ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! IT¡¯S ALREADY LUNCH TIME?!?! That means that I have been tortured the entire night and then all morning! God¡­damnit. I¡¯m skipping lunch.


    Shit she¡¯s moving!!! Please don¡¯t throw me again¡­I can¡¯t handle it anymore. Just kill me now¡­.What does it take to fucking die already?!?!


    Oh. She let go of me. She let go? I¡¯M FREE!!! YES!!! I quickly crawl out of bed and collapse on the floor. Oh you beautiful floor. Let me kiss you. Mwuah mwuah mwuah.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m kissing the floor.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°¡­Let me ask you something, how did you sleep?¡±


    ¡°Hmmm? I slept great!¡± Justine happily exclaims as she stretched. Her breasts seem to pop a little as she stretches. I can still see the wet spot where I attempt to lick her. Her nipples are erect and I can see the outlines of them on her shirt. Wow¡­No, focus. You¡¯re angry at her. Do not get distracted by her hotness.


    ¡°That was the best I have ever slept in such a long time. It really is easier to sleep when you cuddle with someone instead of a body pillow!¡± Justine smiles down at me.


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    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°What is wrong with your face?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m never sleeping in the same bed as you ever again.¡±


    ¡°WHY?! I just told you that I had never slept so well! You need to sleep next to me again.¡±


    ¡°You used me as your body pillow.¡±


    ¡°¡­You loved it. You said I am beautiful and you said, what was it, ¡®the thought of sharing a room with an extremely sexy, beautiful woman is enticing to me¡¯. So you definitely would have loved to share a bed with me.¡±


    ¡°No. No I did not. Oh wait, almost forgot about your damnable lie detector¡­.Okay, I enjoy very, very, VERY little of it. Most of it I hated. It was hell.¡±


    ¡°¡­ You¡¯re¡­not lying.¡±


    ¡°No. No I am not.¡±


    ¡°¡­What did I do?¡±


    So I told her. In excruciating detail. Not leaving anything out. Even the fact that I tried to lick her. I don¡¯t care if she gets angry. I¡¯m fuming here. I hope she gets embarrassed and refuse to ever sleep in the same bed as me ever again. I am that desperate right now. I need to get away from her at night.


    During the entire time I ranted, she doesn¡¯t say a word as she sat in the bed, watching me closely. When I finish my tale, she bursts out laughing hysterically. Oooookaaaaay¡­that was not the reaction I was expecting. I watch in bewilderment as Justine leans forward and grabs her stomach, laughing.


    ¡°¡­You do realize that I didn¡¯t sleep at all right? I think I now officially have been up for over 48 hours.¡±


    ¡°HAHAHAHAHA¡­haaaa. Ahem. I am sorry. But¡­that is hilarious! Now I have something new to get you to do things for me!¡±


    ¡°¡­.What?¡±


    ¡°It is a pain to keep baking cookies in order to bribe you. Now I can also threaten you to sleep in the same bed as me!!¡±


    ¡°Justine?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°I really, really fucking hate you.¡±


    ¡°No you don¡¯t,¡± Justine retorts with a huge grin on her face. Fucking bitch. I DO hate her.


    She leans over the side of the bed and grabs her bag. Opening it, she pulls out a tissue bag and hands it to me.


    ¡°Here. As I promised¡­and as an apology.¡±


    I open it and there they are. 6 chocolate chip cookies. Okay. Maybe I can forgive. Just a little. I take one and just as I am about it bite into it, Justine speaks up again.


    ¡°Just so we are clear, me eating these does not mean I forgive you.¡±


    ¡°Lie. You just said that you can forgive me a little.¡±


    ¡°¡­Damnit...Am I still thinking out loud?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°¡­.¡±


    Fuck these cookies are delicious. How the hell does she make them so good?!?! You know what? I don¡¯t want to know. I¡¯m just going to inhale these. Fuck¡­She really would be able to bribe me to do anything if she keeps making these cookies for me.


    ¡°I am glad you like my cookies and how easy you are to manipulate. Now, get dressed, body pillow. We need to go to the galley for lunch.¡±


    I look up and see that Justine has already gotten dressed. Damn that was fast. She even put on her black combat boots. Yes, boots. Not heels. Boots. I never understood why movies and novels always say that the girls wear heels to battle. It¡¯s so¡­unrealistic. Besides, who said that girls can¡¯t look hot in black combat boots? There is a case example right here proving that they can! Oh right, she¡¯s waiting for me. I should probably respond.


    ¡°You go ahead small tits. I¡¯m sleeping.¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean, ¡®no¡¯? I didn¡¯t get to sleep at all with the way you abused the fuck out of me all night!!¡±


    ¡°If you do not come with me, rumors will spread.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t care. Sleeping.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    I crawl back into bed and just as I¡¯m about to pull the covers over me, a gust of wind blows them away. Damnit Justine. Fine. I can sleep without blankets. I turn my back to her and close my eyes.


    ¡°Get up.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m asleep. Go away. Listen. I¡¯m already snoring. ZZZZZZZZZZZ¡­And I¡¯m currently sleep talking.¡±


    ¡°Get up.¡±


    I ignore her and tune her out. She can set me on fire for all I care. I will be able to sleep through it. I wrap my arms around myself to get warm. Fucking bitch just had to take away the blankets.


    ¡°OW OW OW OW OW LET GO!!!¡±


    I feel something grab my ear and pull me out of bed. I¡¯m flailing around on the floor and hitting the hand that is grabbing my ear but instead of letting go, it just pulls harder and forces me to stand. OW¡­it fucking hurts! I start punching Justine¡¯s bare legs, stomach, anything I can make contact with, but she doesn¡¯t even budge. Is she made of out stone or something?!?!


    ¡°You have a choice, little one. I can drag you out of this room by the ear like this as you are dressed in nothing but your boxers. Or, you can put some clothes on you and I will not drag you out of this room by the ear. The choice is yours.¡±


    ¡°Both choices suck. I choose option 3 without the ear pulling and me going back to bed.¡±


    ¡°Very well. Let¡¯s go.¡±


    And sure enough, she made her way to the door, dragging me by the ear and not letting me put on any pants, a shirt, or my boots. Damnit¡­I really don¡¯t want to be seen in just my boxers. I scream a little in anger as I try to fight her but she just twists my ear painfully. I try going limp but she just continues to drag me. WHY IS SHE SO STRONG?!?!


    ¡°I¡¯M SORRY!! LET ME GET DRESSED!! I¡¯LL BE GOOD AND GO WITH YOU!!!¡±


    ¡°I know. I am dragging you, am I not? I told you will come.¡±


    ¡°BITCH!!! Why couldn¡¯t you just bribe me with more cookies?!¡±


    ¡°I do not want to make any right now.¡±


    ¡°I. Hate. You. Let. GO!!¡±


    ¡°Lie. And no. Now stop behaving like a child and be good, little princess.¡±


    I begrudgingly follow her out of the room. It is less painful to go along with her than being dragged. This sucks. I REALLY do not want to go to the galley in my boxers. I am going to kill her. Yup. I¡¯m going to kill her. First she won¡¯t let me sleep, now she won¡¯t let me get dressed. Fucking sadist.


    I slam into her butt when she stops randomly. Ow¡­that kind of hurt. Sure, her butt is nice and all but a sudden stop still hurts. I look up and I see her smiling down on me.


    ¡°Get dressed.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Do you want me to drag you again?¡±


    With that threat, I go back inside the room and put on my pants, shirt and boots. Fucking bitch. I¡¯m so going to shoot her in the face. I strap on my gun and my belt and walk out. Justine is facing away from me and talking to Volt and Blake. Perfect. I¡¯m going to shoot her. My hand reaches for my gun.


    ¡°Hun, don¡¯t even think about it.¡±


    "What are you talking about?¡±


    ¡°Sigh. You really want to go there?¡±


    ¡°¡­No¡­¡±


    ¡°Good. Now come on.¡±


    Fuck you, Blake. There is no justice in this world. I was just going to shoot her a little¡­on stun of course. Shoot her in her little, ugly face. Make her cry. Just a little. She wouldn¡¯t die.


    Muttering to myself, I follow everyone to the galley as Sky comes from its perch and lands on my right shoulder.


    ¡°How did you sleep, Captain?"


    ¡°Fuck off, Sky. No, I¡¯m sorry. You didn¡¯t deserve that. I didn¡¯t sleep very well.¡±


    ¡°I see. It is unfortunate that organisms such as yourself require sleep.¡±


    ¡°It really is, Sky.¡±


    ¡°Maybe tonight you will be able to sleep.¡±


    ¡°With my luck? I highly doubt it. What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°Attempting small talk, Captain. How did I do?¡±


    ¡°Very well actually.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Captain.¡±


    And just like that, my anger goes away as I chat with Sky on the way to the galley and attempt to persuade it togo peck at Justine¡¯s head.

 Chapter 16 - Lets Have Some Fun

    Sky is a disobedient pansy. It actually refused to carry out my order to peck Justine stating and I quote, ¡°Miss von Gustogh is not directly threatening your life.¡± Bullshit. I can barely walk as it is due to not only a lack of sleep but also because of all the abuse I had to put up with last night. Damn it Sky, at least help me exact my revenge. Blake won¡¯t let me shoot Justine in the face. Maybe I can shoot her in the back¡­Yeah, let¡¯s shoot her in the back. Actually, let¡¯s shoot her ass. That¡¯s revenge for spanking me when we first met. I start to reach for my gun when someone grabs my hand.


    ¡°Linds, you really need to get some sleep. You¡¯re muttering your thoughts out loud again.¡±


    Volt¡­of course you would stop me. Stop stopping me. I want to shoot her. Let me shoot her.


    ¡°Don¡¯t shoot your future wife. And stop muttering.¡±


    ¡°¡­I hate you brother.¡±


    ¡°No you don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Maybe. I didn¡¯t get to sleep at all cause of that damn demon.¡±


    ¡°You mean Daemon. And why? Did you finally consummate your marriage?!¡±


    ¡°Fuck you. No¡­she kept me up all night¡­for other reasons. And she wouldn¡¯t let me skip lunch to sleep in.¡±


    ¡°And you say I¡¯m the one that is whipped.¡±


    ¡°At least Blake doesn¡¯t have the ability to set you on fire. That¡¯s really the only reason I put up with her for now.¡±


    ¡°And because you have a major crush on her but you don¡¯t want to admit it to yourself.¡±


    ¡°Did I ever mention how much I hate you?¡±


    ¡°On multiple occasions. Just fucking admit you like her already.¡±


    ¡°¡­Fine. I do. She¡¯s fucking rude and is a sadist but she did help me when I was feeling really down. Like, really helped me. Without judgement. Hell, she even stood by me when Jacque threatened me. And she does keep things interesting. Oh and her cookies are fucking amazing.¡±


    ¡°So fucking do something about it already. I¡¯m tired of watching you fuck up another potential relationship by doing nothing.¡±


    ¡°Not yet.¡±


    ¡°Is my little brother scared of rejection again? You poor baby. Shall I get your pacifier?¡±


    ¡°Fuck off. She obviously has the hots for me as well. Why else would she demand that I remain at her side like some kind of trophy? Watch, I¡¯ll find some female Beast, flirt with her, and Justine will get all huffy and puffy and try to exact some sort of punishment. That¡¯s her way of ¡®claiming¡¯ me and a fucked up way to show me she likes me. I guarantee it. It¡¯s like kindergarten all over again. Kick him/her in the shins and run away to show that you like her/him.¡±


    ¡°¡­.Linds, is agitating Justine, the lady who can, as you said, literally set your ass on fire and bury you alive with a wave of her hand the smartest thing to do?¡±


    ¡°Probably not. Oh look, there¡¯s a girl¡­I think. Is that a girl? I think that¡¯s a girl. Yeah, that¡¯s a girl. She¡¯s got tits. Okay, see you later, Volt.¡±


    ¡°You do realize that she looks like a wolf right? You¡¯re practically about to engage in bestiality.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m just going to flirt with her, not try to have sex with her. Get your brain out of the gutter. Jeez¡­.and I¡¯m the one who is supposed to be sleep deprived.¡±


    ¡°This could only end badly, Linds¡­¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re not stopping me.¡±


    ¡°Hell no. It will be highly entertaining to watch this disaster unfold.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a great brother.¡±


    ¡°I know. Go strut your stuff, playboy.¡±


    Flipping my middle finger at the dumbass ginger, I walk towards the table where the wolf looking Beast is sitting. Her fur is completely grey. If I had to really describe her, she looks like a grey timber wolf but is able to walk on her hind legs. She is wearing army pants and combat boots. On her back is a bo staff. Interesting choice of a weapon considering that so far most people have some kind of blade. She instead is going for a blunt weapon. So what, just bash the cores to smithereens?


    ¡°That is precisely what I do.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°You asked if I just bash the cores to smithereens. That is what I do.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­I said that out loud?¡±


    ¡°Oui? Is something wrong, monsieur?¡±


    ¡°No¡­Sorry. I just haven¡¯t been able to sleep recently.¡±


    She also has a French accent. Just like Jacque. But unlike Jacque, she seems like the type to occasionally switch into French. Huh. How interesting.


    ¡°What is interesting?¡±


    ¡°Nothing... Sorry. I apparently think out loud when I am severely sleep deprived. So, what¡¯s on the menu for lunch? And where do I go to get food?¡±


    The French timber wolf looks at me funny. Can¡¯t she see that I am not a crewmember and for that matter, I¡¯m not even a Beast? And speaking of which, I completely forgot that I was supposed to be flirting with her. Fuck it. I¡¯m hungry. I need food. Then a nap.


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you come here with your mate, monsieur?¡±


    ¡°What mate?¡±


    ¡°The 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans. You are bonded to each other as mates, are you not?¡±


    ¡°Why would you think that?


    ¡°You two slept in the same room last night.¡±


    ¡°That was because¡­wait, is it considered wrong or weird for two women to sleep in the same bed?¡±


    ¡°No. It is actually very normal.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Her Highness acts less formal around you and we have even heard her make jokes with you. Usually Daemons are very formal and reserved unless they are with fellow Daemons or loved ones. I just naturally assumed you were her bonded mate with how casual you two are with each other and considering you¡¯re not a Daemon.¡±


    ¡°That bitch¡­I¡¯m going to kill her,¡± I mutter to myself.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry?¡±


    ¡°Nothing. Just talking to myself. Anyways, I am not, what was it, bonded to her.¡±


    ¡°Oh. I see.¡±


    Awkward. So fucking awkward. At least this confirms my suspicions that Justine does have a crush on me. HA! I knew it. I¡¯m not completely oblivious. Most times, yes. But not always. I mean, if a girl literally just demanded to share a bed with you, chances are, she likes you. The only way she could have been even more obvious was to strip me naked, get naked herself and start having sex with me. Which, I might add, did happen to me when I was younger when I was completely oblivious to these things. But that¡¯s a whole different story altogether. Heh. And embarrassing as hell. Cause even after that happened, I still was not sure if the girl liked me. Fuck off! Relationships are confusing!


    ¡°Anyways, I wanted you something, Miss¡­what is your name?¡±


    ¡°Corporal Francine de Gralle.¡±


    ¡°de Gralle? Are you related to the Captain?¡±


    ¡°Oui. He is mon older brother.¡±


    ¡°But¡­I¡¯m so confused.¡±


    ¡°Are you not familiar with the Beast Tribes?¡±


    ¡°Where I am from, we do not have any Beasts. So no. I am not familiar at all.¡±


    ¡°How interesting! I would love to visit your homeland! Well, le Capitan, mon brother, and I may look different but we are siblings and we share the same blood. Our mother is a bird-type Beast and our father is an ox-type Beast. Nobody really knows why we all turn out the way we do but all Beasts are compatible with one another. When Beast children are born, it is impossible to know what kind of Beasts they will be. Even if I have children with someone who is also a wolf-type Beast, our children may not necessarily become wolf-types.¡±


    ¡°That sounds very¡­complicated.¡±


    ¡°Our scientists haven¡¯t figured out the reason for this yet. But there are theories that it is decided by Erde to create balance in our species. Other theories are that it is based on the elements in our souls. But truthfully, these are all just theories.¡±


    ¡°I¡­see.¡±


    ¡°Oui. But you wanted to ask me something I believe.¡±


    ¡°Hmm? Oh right! Um, may I pet your tail?¡±


    The Beast gasps and her eyes shoot wide open. All of a sudden, I can feel all eyes in the room look at me. I swear, the room is now dead silent. Not even the sound of people chewing is heard. The only sound was the hum of the engines in the distance. I wonder if I just asked to do something highly inappropriate.


    ¡°I don¡¯t mean anything by it! I swear! It just looks so soft and I got curious!! Did I say something wrong??¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just, usually only lovers would touch each other¡¯s tails and they do that privately¡­in the bedroom...¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine! Don¡¯t worry about it! I know you¡¯re not aware of our customs and you don¡¯t have any bad intentions. You don¡¯t have any other intentions, right?¡±


    ¡°Of course not!¡±


    ¡°Then, how about a compromise?¡±


    ¡°Compromise?¡±


    ¡°Your hair. I have never seen black hair before! Black fur, yes but not black hair!¡±


    ¡°So, your tail, for my hair.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°¡­Suuure¡­Weirdest. Negotiation. Ever.¡±


    I sit down next to her on the bench. Francine pushes her food tray aside as she straddles the bench. Her tail moves up away from the table. She grabs it and brings it to my hands. I reach for it and at the same time, she starts to feel my hair.


    I start to stroke her tail which causes her to stiffen a little but she eventually relaxes. I just realized that as I think this to myself, it sounds like I am doing foreplay with this girl and we¡¯re about to have sex. That is not the case. Sheesh. My mind is so fucked up today¡­


    I can imagine it now; a human is petting the tail of a wolf-type Beast and she is petting a human¡¯s head. We must look quite the sight. The entire galley is still eerily silent as everyone watches us. I wonder what is going through everyone¡¯s mind. Volt is probably trying hard to stifle his laughter right now.


    You know, her tail is ridiculously soft! Holy shit! It¡¯s amazingly soft! I wonder if she is just as soft. It really is like petting a dog back home. Specifically, a Siberian husky. I used to have a husky as a kid. Best pillow I ever had. But this Francine will probably have my old dog beat.


    She starts to massage my head as she gently pulls and tugs at my hair. She sniffs it every so often and examines some individual strands closely. Honestly, it feels really, really weird. I mean, I¡¯m petting this girl¡¯s tail and she is petting my head. So weird. So¡­


    ¡°WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!¡±


    ¡°WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER?!?!¡±


    ¡°Uh oh,¡± I say as I let go of Francine¡¯s tail. I know those two voices that shouted at me at the same time. One belongs to a very angry purple Daemon and the other belongs to a very angry snow leopard-type Beast. I look up and I see the two of them storming their way across the galley towards me. People hurry to get out of their way but the occasional poor sod gets knocked over and pushed aside without a thought. Soon, the two of them are standing over me. Jacque has his spear out and it is again pointed at me while Justine¡¯s red eyes have flames coming out the side of them.


    ¡°Hi, Justine. Hi Jacques. How are you? Lovely day isn¡¯t it? Have you eaten yet? I haven¡¯t and I¡¯m starved. Where¡¯s the food at?¡±


    ¡°What were you doing?¡± Justine demands.


    ¡°I was petting her tail,¡± I answer matter-of-factly. No point trying to deny it.


    ¡°What were you doing to my sister?!¡± Jacque¡¯s saliva practically sprays at me as he demands my answer.


    ¡°I was petting her tail. Why is this so hard to understand? I literally just said that 2 seconds ago.¡±


    Jacque¡¯s spear thrusts in the air at me and stops just short of stabbing me in the head.


    ¡°BROTHER!! Please! He just wanted to know what mon tail felt like!! He didn¡¯t have any other intentions!¡±


    ¡°STAY OUT OF THIS, FRANCINE!!¡±


    ¡°Well, that is just rude. You realize that she was petting my hair, right? That doesn¡¯t bother you?¡±


    ¡°SHE WHAT?!?!¡±


    ¡°Justine, don¡¯t get so angry. You¡¯ll get wrinkles. Look you two, I was curious about her tail and she was curious about my hair. You know, I would love to pet your tail too, Jacque.¡±


    ¡°NO!¡± both Jacque and Justine cry out loudly.


    Justine immediately starts blushing as the entire room looks at her, including Jacque who slightly gaped at her. Awww, she¡¯s so bashful all of a sudden. I should tease her a bit more.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong with me petting Jacque¡¯s tail, Justine?¡±


    ¡°It is¡­wrong!¡±


    ¡°What about it is wrong?¡±


    ¡°You¡­Because I said no!!!¡±


    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    ¡°Oh Justine. Just admit you¡¯re jealous. Would you like me to pet your wings? Would that make you happy? I¡¯ve been wanting to do that too, you know? They look rather soft. And comfy. Aaaand you¡¯re on fire.¡±


    Justine¡¯s eyes literally burst into flames as her wings extend. The really scary part is that her wings also burst into flames too. Huh. I may have pushed her a little too far. People are starting to back away to the walls, not wanting to get caught in the oncoming crossfire but at the same time, not wanting to miss what is about to happen next. They¡¯re kind of useless aren¡¯t they?


    ¡°DO NOT CALL MY CREW USELESS!!!¡±


    ¡°Did I say that out loud? Fuck I¡¯m really sleep deprived. I didn¡¯t actually mean it. Sorry, Le Capitan. I really am¡­you mind putting down that spear? I mean, if you kill me, Justine might actually destroy this blimp in anger. It¡¯s pretty obvious she has a huge crush on the being you¡¯re pointing that spear at considering how possessive she got when I asked to touch your tail...¡±


    Time to start running. I know what¡¯s about to be said before it was even said by the two of them. I get up from the bench and run towards the kitchen. Why the kitchen? Well, I still haven¡¯t eaten. I¡¯m pretty sure there is food in the kitchen.


    ¡°Captain Jacque, kill the human.¡±


    ¡°With pleasure, Highness!¡±


    ¡°WAIT!!!¡± I yell as I stop and turn around right before the door to the kitchen. Surprisingly, Jacque and Justine don¡¯t move and actually wait for me to say what I want to say.


    ¡°Which human? There are three of¡­never mind!!¡±


    Heh. Probably not the smartest thing to ask. Being tired is messing with my logical side, not that my logical side makes any sense in the first place when it isn¡¯t sleep deprived. At least this is a good way to stay awake.


    And it¡¯s really fucking fun to mess with people.


    I dive into the kitchen as fire and wind blast the area I was just standing on. Is it just me, or did they attack me really slowly? Probably just my imagination. Oh wow, this kitchen is huge! And there is food everywhere! Plenty of places to hide. Good. I could hide and taunt at¡­ Oooo, a sandwich. I wonder what kind it is. I grab it and take a bite. Hm. Not bad. Tastes like¡­roast beef with mayo and a tomato. Actually, this is pretty good. Damn, I finished it. And I can¡¯t find another¡­OH! Jackpot! These look like fries! Sweeeeeet.


    I grab a handful of fries and shove them in my mouth. Yup. Definitely fries. Wonder what else they got? Oh, damn. Looks like Jacque and Justine are inside now. Aaaaaand so are everyone else. Except everyone else is just standing outside the door, peeking in. Cowards. Stop your bosses! Wait, are you guys betting on this?


    ¡°Hey! No gambling on my life here! And if you are gambling, put me down for the human knocking out Jacque and making Justine stop on her own free will. Ooops!¡±


    I duck as Jacque throws another gust of wind at my head when I peek over the counter I was hiding behind. Seriously, I really should keep my mouth shut. Nah. Too boring. This is more exciting. Oooo! Jacque knocked over a bowl of chocolates! 5 seconds rule!!


    ¡°Linds! I got you down for 50 creds! Don¡¯t die!! We don¡¯t have any creds so if we lose, we¡¯ll have to work it off!!¡±


    ¡°Tmphaks!¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk with your mouth full! I can¡¯t understand anything you say!¡±


    I swallowed the chocolates in my mouth and clear my throat. Damn I could use some water right now. And just like that, Justine knocks over a jug of white liquid. I¡¯m going to guess that is milk. It¡¯s pouring off the counter and onto the floor. Let¡¯s not waste it! I get underneath the milk fall and start drinking. I should probably respond to Volt now.


    ¡°Thanks, Volt! Wait, why isn¡¯t Blake stopping this? And come to think of it, why aren¡¯t you stepping in like you did yesterday?!¡±


    ¡°Yesterday was different! You can take care of yourself! Besides Blake already left! I think she went back to the room to tinker with Alpha! So go nuts!¡±


    True. Yesterday, we weren¡¯t entirely sure if Jacque was actually going to kill me or not considering what he heard from the Contagions that he had just fought AND he did just kill one of his own officers. Today, well, I¡¯m about 95% sure that he won¡¯t kill me. After all, what reason does he have besides the fact that I just teased him and the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans? Nah, Jacque and Justine just want to beat the shit out me. They won¡¯t kill me.


    How am I so sure? Well, Jacque actually removed the blade of his spear before he entered the kitchen, essentially, making his spear a staff¡­thing. That¡¯s how I know he won¡¯t kill me. Justine hasn¡¯t even drawn her blade. I¡¯m in no danger. At least, not my life. My physical being on the other hand, that is a different story.


    But still, typical Volt. Whenever I got in got in a fight because of some stupid shit I did, he just stood to the side and placed bets with people as he watched. Usually, I won those fights. Maybe not at first but I got good enough at the end. Blake on the other hand would always step in and stop the fight before it even got started. Sadly, or fortunately, Blake isn¡¯t here. Neither is Sky, although I doubt it would help me right now.


    At that moment, I dodged a water ball that was hurled at me, courtesy of Justine. She is screaming at me. I have no idea what she just said.


    ¡°Justine, you¡¯re going to speak a little more coherently. I seriously didn¡¯t get a word of what you just said with all that spit foaming at your mouth.¡±


    ¡°I. WILL. KILL. YOU.¡±


    ¡°Awwww...but I thought you had a crush on me!¡±


    I lean back as Jacque swing his spear at my head. He missed me by just that much. I smile at him and dodge constantly as he does his weird drunken style fighting. OH! There are strawberry looking things behind him! I dance around him and grab a handful which I shove into my mouth. Yup, these are strawberries. They¡¯re ridiculously sweet.


    ¡°Hey Jacque, are you drunk? That¡¯s a rather impressive fighting style. Can you teach it to me later?¡±


    ¡°I WILL RIP OUT YOUR HEART!!¡±


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s not very nice¡­¡±


    ¡°WHY WON¡¯T YOU STAY STILL?!¡±


    ¡°Because I don¡¯t want to get hit. Why else? Do you think the Contagions will stay still long enough for you to strike their cores if you demanded they stay still? I doubt it. And I¡¯m waiting for the right time to knock you out. Gently of course. Well, maybe not so gentle considering I have to knock you out. You won¡¯t have any permanent damages¡­I think. Sorry in advance.¡±


    ¡°Linds! Stop chatting with your opponents! Focus!¡±


    ¡°But he asked me a question!¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to answer him!¡±


    ¡°But then that is just¡­rude.¡±


    ¡°So be rude then!¡±


    ¡°Sir! Incoming! Watch out!¡± a random crew member yells out.


    I look at Volt¡¯s direction and watch him duck behind the doors as fireball is shot at him. Hahaha. That was not entirely unexpected. Looks like Justine is getting really agitated and probably had enough of my mindless banter with my brother. I should probably put a stop to this before she loses it. But first¡­


    ¡°Hahahahaha! Volt you dumbass! Don¡¯t antagonize the players!!¡±


    ¡°Shut up, Linds.¡±


    ¡°Hey, why weren¡¯t you yelling at me earlier for talking to Jacque? Isn¡¯t that going to fuck with my concentration? OH! ANOTHER SANDWICH!!! SCORE!!! Oh shit!!!¡±


    I hide behind a cabinet as Justine tries to hit me with a pot she threw. I grab the fallen pot and throw it back and hear a very hilarious ping that was quickly followed with swearing. I probably hit Justine. I¡¯ll have to apologize for that later.


    ¡°Is¡­your brother eating as he fights Le Capitan and Her Highness? Sir, is your brother insane?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± both Volt and I answer the crew members at the same time.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it obvious? He hasn¡¯t taken this seriously from the start. I shouldn¡¯t have bet on Her Highness to beat him.¡±


    ¡°I had bet on him! You better make me some creds, hooman!¡±


    ¡°YOU ALL BE QUIET!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s ¡®human,¡¯ you racist mother fucker! I¡¯m just kidding. I don¡¯t give a shit how you pronounce ¡®human,¡¯¡± I call out. ¡°But I demand a cut of your winnings! And Jacque, be nice to your crew!¡±


    I grab a skillet that is within my reach. Good, it is clean and hasn¡¯t been used today. That would have been bad. I¡¯m going to use this to knock out Jacque and I would hate to burn him. He¡¯s not a bad guy. Just an overprotective person towards his sister and his crew. Hell, his crew is even cheering him on as they shout words of encouragement. Although, I don¡¯t know if that is pride for their captain or they just want to see me beaten up or if like the earlier shout outs, they want me to win them money. Doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯m having a blast right now.


    I dive over a flipped table and wait. Any minute now, Jacque is going to rush at me and try to hit me with his spear, well, staff. Whatever. I¡¯m just going to say it¡¯s a stick¡­thing. Okay. Patience. Be patient. Wait. Waaaaait.


    ¡°STOP HI¡­..¡±


    BONG


    ¡°That sounded painful¡­Sorry Jacque. But, it did make a funny sound. Hey, you still awake. Hey!¡±


    I snap my fingers in front of his face. Nope. He¡¯s out cold. I hit him in the face a bit harder than I intended with the skillet. A little blood is dripping from his nose. Oops. Sorry.


    ¡°Someone come get your captain! He¡¯s out cold!¡±


    ¡°Are you insane?!¡±


    ¡°Yes. I thought that was established earlier. Weren¡¯t you listening?¡±


    ¡°Her Highness is still rampaging!! We¡¯re not going over there!¡±


    "Well then, on to problem number two. I just need to sneak behind her and whack her on the head¡­"


    ¡°Sir! Remember that your bet was that Her Highness will give up on her own accord!¡±


    ¡°¡­.FUCK!!!¡±


    That¡¯s right. I did make that bet. Damnit. That makes things harder. Hmmm¡­


    ¡°Hey Justiiiiiine!!!¡±


    WHOOSH


    I ducked just in time to avoid getting hit by her wind which hits the cabinet I was hiding behind, slicing it cleaning in half. Scary¡­if that hit me, well, it would have hurt for sure. Oh, she¡¯s flying now. And are those black flames on her wings?!?! And is her silver hair on fire?!?!


    ¡°HOLY SHIT JUSTINE!!! Your wings look fucking awesome!! And you have fire hair!!!!¡±


    ¡°Die.¡±


    ¡°Oh shit.¡±


    I jump away as the black flames shoot at me. The floor where I was standing melted instantly. That¡¯s¡­scary. Okay, she¡¯s actually really pissed at me. Maybe I went a little too far with my teasing.


    ¡°Hey, uh, any chance you might want to, you know, give up? I could use the money¡­considering that I¡­you know, have none right now? And can you hold back a little? That black flame will probably kill me if it hits¡­¡±


    ¡°Die.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t think so.¡±


    I roll to my left to hide behind a stack of trashcans as another jet of black fire comes barreling my way. Fuck. Well, this is going to be tougher than I thought. Although I could¡­


    No. I¡¯m not doing it. No. I refuse. No. No. No. I¡¯m not doing that. Go away brain. You¡¯re sleep deprived. That¡¯s not something you would even consider if you weren¡¯t so sleep deprived. You absolutely would not. No. No. No. No. No¡­.


    Fuck it.


    I stand up with my arms raised and step out from behind the trashcans. Justine points her hands at me but does not fire her scary, but badass, black flames. Slowly she descends and lands on the ground. Fire is forming in her hands as I approach her. She does not move as she tries to see what I¡¯m planning. Heh. You¡¯ll never be able to know until it¡¯s too late.


    Soon, I¡¯m face to boob with her. I¡¯m only a foot away. Her hands are in front of her chest as she gets ready to shoot me. I look up at her angry, purple face.


    ¡°Tell me why I should not kill you now for the embarrassment you wrought upon me?!¡±


    To answer her, I reach up and grab the back of her neck. I gently but firmly and quickly pull her head down towards me.


    And then I kiss her on the lips passionately¡­which she accepts and kills her flames as she returns my kiss with an even stronger passion than mine.


    Damn I¡¯m good. Then I booped her on the nose with a finger. Boop.

 Chapter 17 – What Did I Get Myself Into…

    Damn I¡¯m fucked.


    Justine and I are still in an embrace. Actually, to be more accurate, I have already let go of her and my arms are now just dangling at my sides. She hasn¡¯t let go of me yet. She still has her arms wrapped around me and her head is resting on mine. I think she¡¯s smelling me¡­Weird.


    Every time I try to say something, she shushes me and holds me tighter. I get it, I really do. You want this Kodak moment to last forever. But come on, people are staring, many with their mouths open. It¡¯s been, what, 1 minute? Enough already. This is getting embarrassing. Let me go. No, don¡¯t hug me tightly into your boobs¡­huh, your boobs smell great. But you¡¯re wearing your chainmail and it¡¯s really hot from the residual heat of your flames. You¡¯re going to melt my face off.


    Ahem


    Someone just lightly coughed to get our attention. Thank you. No idea who it was. Probably Volt. If not Volt, a Beast. I try to beg for help with my eyes. I¡¯m sure my eyes are full of desperation right now. I make eye contact with a lizard-type Beast and mouth ¡°Help¡­Me¡­¡± Why are you looking away? Are you¡­laughing? DAMN YOU!!! Help me!!!


    AHEM


    ¡°Highness?¡±


    ¡°Silence. Do not ruin this for me.¡±


    Fuck¡­Justine really does not give a damn, does she? Volt¡­Francine¡­someone help¡­me. Let¡¯s try going limp. Huh. She still is managing to keep me upright. This isn¡¯t working. I¡¯m so fucked. How long does she want this moment to last? The moment is over! It¡¯s done! You¡¯re overdoing it now! Please!!! Let me go!! I¡¯m not comfortable anymore.


    Hey! There¡¯s a piece of chocolate next to her. I bet I reach it.


    I raise my arm and I stretch behind her. Damnit¡­so close¡­just out of reach. Let¡¯s try moving. Come on Justine, move with me. Yeah, that¡¯s it. Turn. Good. SCORE!!! CHOCOLATE!!! I pop it into my mouth and start to savor the taste.


    ¡°Are you eating right now?¡±


    Uh oh. I quickly swallow the chocolate and notice that Justine has raised her head to look down at me. I can¡¯t tell if she is angry or amused. Let¡¯s try to be literal with my answer. I currently am no longer eating.


    ¡°Um¡­no?¡±


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    I really don¡¯t know how her bullshit detector works so¡­


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Chocolate.¡±


    Duh. Why else? Did you think I would just calmly and obediently remain here? I¡¯m a human being with a mind of my own. Not some loyal puppy dog.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m still hungry.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Soooo, can you let go so I can go eat?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Or I could just stay here and grab whatever is in reach if you prefer¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Okay seriously, this silent treatment you¡¯re doing is really uncomfortable.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Really? Nothing? Stop looking at me like that, I am not a mind reader. I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re thinking.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Seriously? After all I just said, you¡¯re still going to just keep staring at me silently¡­Fine. Be that way. I¡¯m going eat food. So either let go of me or I¡¯m going to eat in this position.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Suit yourself.¡±


    I grab another piece of chocolate but before I could eat it, she leans in and eats the chocolate right out of my hands! Son of a bitch¡­


    ¡°That¡¯s just mean¡­¡±


    She laughs and finally releases me from her embrace but not before kissing me on the forehead. Sheesh, crazy lady. I may have made a huge mistake in making out with her. Oh well. I¡¯ll deal with it later. First, food time. And clean up.


    We made a hell of a mess of this kitchen and most of it was probably my fault¡­okay a lot of it was my fault. Overturn tables, pots and pans everywhere, spilled food, shits on fire¡­sigh, I¡¯ll feel bad if I just leave and let someone else deal with this mess. I never understood the stories where the good guy fights a bunch of bad guys, crashes into some poor sod¡¯s restaurant, wrecks the place and walks away like the mess has nothing to do with him. Cleaning up and repayments is someone else¡¯s problem is probably what those people think. So rude and irresponsible. I walk over to an overturn table and flip it back upright. I look around and see that everyone still has not moved. They¡¯re not doing anything at all except stare at me.


    ¡°Yo, you guys going to help me clean up this shit or am I going to have to do it by myself? And someone check on Jacque will you? I hit him pretty damn hard.¡±


    About damn time you guys started moving. Sheesh. Beasts start flipping tables back upright and picking up all sorts of debris. Francine flashes me a smile as she carries out her unconscious brother. Others give me a thumbs up and begin washing dishes or sweeping the floor. Good, looks like we won¡¯t be here all day. I think there are what, about 20 Beasts in here? While the kitchen is huge and we did cause a bit of a mess, with everyone working together, we can get this back in its original state before dinner. Well, almost. There is still the matter of the areas that Justine melted with that scary black fire of hers. What the hell was that?!


    I feel someone clap me on the back. I turn around and see Volt smiling at me. In his right hand are what looks like coins. Must be our winnings.


    ¡°So, Linds, when I told you to make a move, I didn¡¯t mean do it in front of everyone!¡±


    ¡°She wouldn¡¯t have stopped otherwise. She was pretty pissed.¡±


    DONK


    ¡°The hell? Justine did you just throw a spatula at me?¡±


    ¡°Yes. I am still angry at you.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Justine walks over to pick up the spatula she threw. As she bends over she whispers softly into my ear so that only I could hear it.


    ¡°And as compensation, you will be in the bed with me tonight.¡±


    Fuck. Looks like I¡¯m not going to be sleeping again tonight. I have to find a way to convince her to let me sleep in a different room or at the very least, on the floor. If I tie her arms down first she won¡¯t be able to use me as a body pillow. Hopefully she won¡¯t argue¡­oh my god I sound like I¡¯m planning to take advantage of her¡­I am a terrible person. Got to change topics.


    ¡°Hey Volt, how much did we win?¡±


    ¡°Around 500 creds.¡±


    ¡°Sweet! Is that a lot?¡±


    ¡°Well, according to them, we could buy a nice dinner for one person at a fancy restaurant.¡±


    ¡°So¡­we¡¯re still poor?¡±


    ¡°Unless you suck up to Justine.¡±


    ¡°Are you pimping out your own little brother, you fucking ginger?¡±


    ¡°Obviously.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m telling Blake.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure she would approve.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a terrible brother.¡±


    ¡°But an excellent husband!¡±


    I roll my eyes at him. I really wish Blake was here to reprimand him on using his little brother to earn money through gambling on fights. Then again, she probably would reprimand me for fighting with Justine in the first place. Yet, she will take the money without a second thought. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me. Yes, I know you¡¯re not asking me. I¡¯m asking me. Shut up brain. Go away. Wait, no, don¡¯t actually go away. I need you in order to live.


    ¡°Okay, honestly speaking, Volt, we need to figure out what to do about cash. We can¡¯t keep asking favors from Justine.¡±


    ¡°I do not mind.¡±


    I look over at Justine. She¡¯s currently helping to wash some of the dishes that we had knocked onto the ground in our¡­disagreement. See, this is what responsible adults do. You make a mess; you help clean it up. Or at the very least, pay to cover damages. You don¡¯t just walk away and go, ¡°Okay, fights over. I won/lost. Someone else deal with this shit.¡± Nope, those movies and stories, the hero or the bad guy just walks away. Sometimes, they run away to get away from their enemies. I know I thought this to myself already but I can¡¯t help it. It¡¯s seriously a pet peeve of mine when I see them walk away. Rude.


    Oh right, got to stop Justine from letting us use her like a free ATM.


    ¡°Justine, we can¡¯t accept that.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, we were joking earlier. We actually would feel bad if we kept relying on you.¡±


    ¡°I do not mind. I already promised to be your guide.¡±


    ¡°Do you plan to be our guide forever? I would think that you¡¯ll want to go back to your family. And wouldn¡¯t you have princess duties to do?¡±


    ¡°Mother and Father have already instructed me to stay by you for as long as necessary. It will be fine. Every month I will get an allowance transferred into my personal account. It is fine. Think of this as a loan.¡±


    She walks over to me and leans in again to whisper something.


    ¡°And you will repay every credit of it. By yourself.¡±


    I shudder. I feel like I had signed a contract with a loan shark without actually signing anything. How the fuck does that work? I swear, Justine is part of a mob or something. If I don¡¯t pay her back does that mean she¡¯ll break my legs?? This can¡¯t be good.


    ¡°Um¡­Justine, you beautiful, sweet-hearted princess¡­woman, how exactly did we manage to get on this blimp?¡±


    ¡°Oh well, it was not easy to convince the Hierarchs of the Tribes to let the four of us onboard their military vessel. We had to compensate them.¡±


    ¡°And¡­how exactly did you compensate them?¡±


    ¡°Credits.¡±


    I look over at Volt who looks just as uncomfortable as I do. One of us has to ask the question but neither of us wants too. I raise a fist at him and place my other hand underneath the fist. There is only one way to settle this.


    ¡°Best two out of three or sudden death?¡±


    ¡°Sudden death. Let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡°On ¡®shoot¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    I should throw paper. The most common thing that is thrown is always scissors. Volt knows this so he will naturally throw rock. But then again, he knows that I also know this so he will not throw rock. He knows that I will throw paper to counter his rock so he will throw scissors. But I know that he knows that I know he will throw scissors so I should instead throw rock. But he knows that I know that he knows that I know this so then he will counter my counter to his counter and throw paper at me. But I know that he knows that I know that he knows that I knows¡­fuck it I¡¯m going to throw the end all win.


    ¡°Linds, what the fuck is that?¡±


    ¡°Ummm¡­papscisrock?¡±


    ¡°You just flashed the East Side gang sign¡­You lose.¡±


    ¡°Bullshit! It was all three! I auto win!¡±


    ¡°No, you auto lose. You get to ask her.¡±


    ¡°Fuck¡­fine. Justine?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡± Don¡¯t play innocent. Stop smiling at me like you don¡¯t know what I¡¯m about to ask. Don¡¯t use your honey-like voice on me. It actually makes this worse.


    ¡°How much do we owe you right now.¡±


    ¡°Two hundred thousand credits.¡±


    ¡°WHAT?!?!¡±


    ¡°Two. Hundred. Thousand. Credits. Would you like me to write it out for you, little princess?¡±


    ¡°Why¡­why is it so much?¡±


    ¡°This is a military vessel and they do not normally take passengers. Food and lodging were also provided. And, with my status as the 4th Princess of the Daemon clans it was decided that additional security personnel should be required. The Tribes do not fall under Daemon authority so we paid for their services.¡±


    ¡°Why¡­didn¡¯t you tell us?¡±


    ¡°You did not ask.¡±


    ¡°This is something that shouldn¡¯t need to be asked, Justine!!¡±


    She smiles at me mischievously as she responds with words I will never forget. ¡°Captain Lindsey Shin, as the one in charge of your party, the debt only applies to you. Not to Volt or Blake.¡±


    ¡°WHAT?!?!?!¡±


    ¡°AWESOME!!!¡±


    ¡°FUCK YOU VOLT!!¡±


    ¡°You may take your time to repay Clan Gustof. But we do expect full compensation in credits and at an interest.¡±


    ¡°I hate you.¡±


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    ¡°Not a fucking lie. Truth. I regret kissing you now.¡±


    ¡°Lie,¡± she grins at me as she leans in. ¡°And do not forget, you¡¯re going to be my body pillow tonight.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s creepy when you say it like that...Justine, have some mercy on me. I haven¡¯t slept in over 2 days!¡±


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°And we will not be sleeping tonight either,¡± she seductively whispers into my ear.


    I gaze Justine with perhaps one of the stupidest grins on my face as she turns and leaves the kitchen. Shit¡­I¡¯m really turned on right now. But at the same time, I really want to sleep. Fuck¡­I think this is the first time I am actually considering turning down a girl. But¡­she¡¯s really hot. Logic or hormones¡­who will win? Sleep, or sex. Sleep, or sex¡­


    Damn I¡¯m so fucked. Figuratively speaking.


    ¡°Volt?¡±


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°If you haven¡¯t slept for over 2 days and Blake wants to have sex with you, would you chose sex over sleep?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°I thought so¡­I¡¯m probably going to get laid tonight.¡±


    ¡°Good for you. Use a condom.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t have any. Can I have one of yours?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t have any. Guess you¡¯re not having sex.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a dick.¡±


    ¡°Well, I do have a dick.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°How mad do you think Justine will be if I turn her down?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not serious are you?¡±


    ¡°I am really tired and I don¡¯t have a condom.¡±


    ¡°You sound like a woman in a shitty movie.¡±


    ¡°Shut up.¡±


    ¡°She might just do you anyways.¡±


    ¡°¡­Fuck.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re seriously complaining about having sex? Hold still while I beat the shit out of for all the guys back home.¡±


    Volt raises his fists and pretends to swing at my face stopping just short of hitting me. He¡¯s probably right, most guys would jump at the chance to have sex with a woman as hot as Justine. Plus, kinky hot alien sex. Who hasn¡¯t fantasized about that?


    We continue to clean the kitchen in silence. Well, not really. Some Beasts would come over to talk to us to either thank me for winning them credits or say how I surprised them for actually getting Justine to give up trying to beat the life out of me willingly. Some even expressed shock at how I would dare kiss a royal. Heh. I never saw her as a royal.


    Soon, it was evening and the chefs start preparing for the dinner rush. To be honest, I am not that hungry since I kept snacking on random foods as I was cleaning the kitchen. Jacque at one point even came in to have a little talk with me. I thought he was going to threaten me again but instead, he actually apologized for not listening to me before attacking me. Like I thought, Jacque is a good guy. I basically just laughed it off and told him not to worry about it. After all, if I was in his boots, I probably would have acted in a similar fashion¡­maybe.


    Justine on the other hand never showed up again. I have no idea where she went and any Beast that came in said that they have not seen her since some time in the middle of the afternoon. Her absence did make give me a lot of time to think though. I don¡¯t know where we stand at moment and if I¡¯m honest, I don¡¯t want to get too involved¡­but at the same time, I really dig her and I do want to get more intimate¡­


    What the hell am I doing? Well, I am nervous. Justine terrifies and excites me at the same time. But, I only have known her for 2 days. It¡¯s a bit weird to suddenly be jumping into bed with her so quickly. Well, weird for me at least. I¡¯ve only ever had one one-night stand and that was with Moletits. Not a fan of one-nighters. Feels great physically but there is no emotional involvement which is half the fun. Now friends-with-benefits, those are awesome. Have all the perks of being in a relationship without actually being in a relationship.


    Man, why am I thinking about all this? Why do I even care? Fuck emotions. Emotions are stupid. I have only known Justine for 2 days and I already want to be with her? Fuck. That. Noise. I should run away. Yeah. Let¡¯s run away. I don¡¯t do well in relationships. Relationships are messy. And complicated. And I owe her money. This can only end in disaster. So yeah, let¡¯s hide.


    I head back to the rooms and I enter my siblings room. Volt is exploring the blimp, specifically, the gun turrets, and Blake is still tinkering with Sky in the room. She sees me and greets me with a smile before getting back to work. Sky turns its head at me and tries to speak but no sound comes out.


    ¡°Oh sorry Alpha, I had to deactivate your voice box. Here, try it now.¡±


    ¡°Testing. Voice box reactivated. Greetings, Captain Lindsey.¡±


    ¡°Hey guys. Blake, what are you doing to Sky now?¡±


    ¡°Analyzing all the data that Alpha was able to obtain. And you really should stop calling it ¡®Sky.¡¯¡±


    ¡°I refuse. So what have you learned?¡±


    ¡°Well, I figured out a way to detect the cores of those Contagions. We just need to reprogram the nanites in our system to give us the ability to see the cores.¡±


    ¡°How do we do the reprogramming?¡±


    ¡°Through Alpha. I am trying to help it set up a system to reprogram some nanites that will reenter our system and give the rest them the upgrade.¡±


    ¡°Sweet. That would definitely make the fight with those damn robots a lot easier.¡±


    ¡°I thought so too¡­ You¡¯re not still blaming yourself, are you?¡±


    ¡°Nah. Not really. Whatever they are now, they are definitely not my creations. But, if they never have landed here in the first place, this probably never would have happened.¡±


    ¡°Conflict will always happen, hun. Whether it is with these Contagions or with each other. It¡¯s just how we deal with conflict that matters.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­I guess.¡±


    ¡°This isn¡¯t your fault, Lindsey Shin.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡±


    I stood at the doorway in silence contemplating about what she said. Blake is right, conflict would always happen, with or without my robots. Sentient life always has an ego and will find some reason to fight one another. Earth is a perfect example of that. It is full of conflict. Wars over territory, food, religion, politics, it didn¡¯t matter. Conflict was and always will be there. But how we deal with it is within our power.


    ¡°So, hun. When you have sex tonight, try to keep it down, okay?¡±


    ¡°WHAT?! Did Volt already tell you?¡±


    ¡°No, Justine practically skipped here with the biggest smile I have ever seen on anyone. She came to me to tell me that you kissed her.¡±


    ¡°Wait¡­why would she tell you that?!¡±


    ¡°Because I told her about you and what kind of girls you like.¡±


    ¡°WHAT?!¡±


    ¡°She asked a lot of questions about you when we went hunting.¡±


    ¡°Hold on. You told her what exactly?¡±


    ¡°You like strong women, you like food, you like to crack jokes, you like to mess with people¡¯s minds for your own amusement, and you hide your feelings fairly well.¡±


    ¡°So let me get this straight¡­We just met this alien lifeform who spent a good part of the afternoon whacking me in the balls and in my face with my own piss and you thought it was a good idea to tell her all sorts of intimate details about me?¡±


    ¡°Well, when you put it that way, of course it sounds bad. But she is a sweet girl. When you were knocked out, which, by the way, totally your own doing, she looked shocked at what she did and checked to see if you were still breathing. She introduced herself as the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans and insisted we go to the hunting lodge to eat. She asked us where we were from and everything. She even told us about herself and Daemons.¡±


    ¡°You KNEW she was a princess and didn¡¯t tell me???¡±


    ¡°Yup.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t believe this. Sky, were you aware of this as well?¡±


    ¡°Affirmative.¡±


    ¡°You guys suck.¡±


    ¡°It all worked out didn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°And you like her, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Of course you do. She¡¯s exactly your type. Strong, willing to talk back to you, tall, beautiful, and she bakes cookies.¡±


    ¡°¡­I do not approve of you meddling in my personal life.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s what I do as your older sister, hun.¡±


    Stop smiling at me you conniving woman. Fucking ginger. I can¡¯t believe this. My entire crew and family is keeping secrets from me. Unbelievable.


    ¡°You know, Justine at first said that she was very upset that you showed so little respect to her and how you are so crass when we were walking back with that animal I shot. But, I think she actually appreciated it. You saw how these soldiers treat her. Pure respect, awe and as a superior, not an equal. You¡¯re probably a breath of fresh air and you let her truly be herself.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s a bitch.¡±


    ¡°She is not. You know that and you like her.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve only known her for two days.¡±


    ¡°I liked Volt the moment I saw him.¡±


    ¡°So? You were 13.¡±


    ¡°And yet I married him when we turned 18.¡±


    ¡°Cause you guys were¡­lucky.¡±


    ¡°Relationships are unpredictable, hun.¡±


    ¡°Relationships are stupid.¡±


    ¡°But they are also great.¡±


    ¡°¡­Fuck.¡±


    Blake is providing all sorts of good points and I am having a difficult time countering them. Points that I know I subconsciously want to hear but at the same time, I do not want to hear. Sigh. Fucking hell.


    I honestly suck in relationships. All my past relationships were disasters. I either got fed up with the constant neediness of the girls or the lack of attention I felt I was getting. I hated having to text or call girls constantly and at the same time, I hated the ones who never reached out to me first. All my relationships were shitty in the end. I suck at feelings. Being single is awesome. I like being single. Being single makes more sense. I prefer being single. The single life is less complicated. You only answer to yourself. Want go see a movie? Go see whatever movie you want. Want to go hang out with friends? Go for it. Want to eat a cookie at 3 AM in bed? Nobody will stop you.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to go tell Justine I don¡¯t want a relationship with her. I like being single.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Be nice about it.¡±


    ¡°I will try. But I reserve the right to come here if she tries to kill me.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°Good luck, Captain Lindsey.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Sky.¡±


    Why are you smiling, Blake? Fuck it, don¡¯t care. I turn around and I leave the Blake and Sky. Okay. I just need to go next door and tell her, ¡°I am sleeping on the floor. That kiss was just a one-time thing.¡± That¡¯s it. You can do this. Just open the door and tell it to her point blank. Don¡¯t drag it out. Don¡¯t be a wimp. You¡¯re the Captain of a space mission. You¡¯re badass. You can do it.


    I open the door and walk in. Justine has just gotten out of the bathroom and is drying her hair with a towel¡­and she¡¯s naked. Fuck. She¡¯s really hot. No. No. Focus. Say what you want to say, what you should say. Don¡¯t back down.


    ¡°Uhhh¡­Huh¡­Umm..Hee¡­You¡­Wow¡­¡±


    Smooth. Really smooth, Lindsey. And now she knows she has a hold over you. Look, she¡¯s smiling now. And she¡¯s about to say something.


    ¡°Come here.¡±


    Justine throws the towel on the ground and jumps at me. She grabs me and lifts me up to my tiptoes to kiss me directly on the mouth. Oh fuck her lips are soft¡­and she tastes good. Minty. I think she brushed her teeth just now. Her wings are enveloping us. Wow, they¡¯re soft too.


    She breaks off the kiss and throws me onto the bed. Her eyes are full of lust as she climbs on top of me and starts to take my shirt off. Her silver hair falls over her smooth purple skin in front of her chest. Her breasts are still exposed and her nipples are just begging for me to¡­I should put a stop to this. You didn¡¯t come here for sex!


    ¡°Wait! Lis¡­¡±


    She kisses me on the lips again, completely shutting me up. I feel her reach down to undo my belt and slides a hand under my boxers. She grabs me. Oh¡­that feels¡­amazing. Uh¡­I should push her off and stop her before¡­


    You know what? Fuck it. I like this girl. I didn¡¯t want to admit it but I¡¯m admitting it now. I. Like. Justine. Fuck logic. Fuck everything. I¡¯m going to go with the flow here. If I don¡¯t end up being in a relationship with Justine, so be it. If I do, so be it. She wins. I can¡¯t fight this. My body is stupid. Damn you, penis.


    I push her up and gently grab her breast with one hand and her waist with my other hand, causing her to moan. She reaches down and slowly guides me inside, allowing us both to reach ecstasy.

 Chapter 18 - Huh...

    So, that escalated quickly¡­


    This shouldn¡¯t have happened. By all rights, we should have gone a few months or so of sexual tensions. I mean maybe we end up at Union City and I get into trouble or something, leading to Justine saving me, bringing us closer. Then we drift apart because she finds me giving CPR to a girl whose shirt I had to rip apart in order to save that girl¡¯s life, buuuuut the problem is, Justine thought I was making out with the girl and about to do her. Some shit like that. Then I save Justine¡¯s life because she manages to get into trouble for something stupid which causes her to realize she was being foolish and that I actually do care her. Soooo we get back together or something BUT THEN maybe a former fianc¨¦ or ex-boyfriend of hers pops up randomly causing me to get extremely jealous and I push her away which makes us drift apart again. She gets all sad and also pushes me away until we somehow end up trapped somewhere together and we finally have a wild night of passion and love making, letting us finally realize our true feelings for each other.


    Nope, we just skipped all of that and went straight for the sex. Huh. That is not how the movies said it would be. I feel tricked¡­But I got to sleep!!


    Let me repeat that because I am unsure if anyone heard me correctly.


    I.


    Got.


    To.


    Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!


    But let me ask you, the imaginary audience, something kind of¡­well, strange; have you ever fallen asleep during sex? Not after, not before, but during sex¡­cause, I may have¡­I wonder if Justine knows¡­


    ¡°Are you awake now, little one?¡±


    Uh oh¡­


    ¡°Um¡­No?¡±


    ¡°Lie.¡±


    ¡°I know¡­so¡­what happened?¡±


    ¡°I got you on the bed and took off your clothes. I climbed on top of you. And that is when you fell asleep.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I am not angry.¡±


    ¡°How come I don¡¯t believe you?¡±


    ¡°I am not THAT angry.¡±


    ¡°Soooo¡­you are angry.¡±


    ¡°You fell asleep with me on top of you and after I guided you inside.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Did you sleep well?¡±


    ¡°I refuse to answer that question.¡±


    ¡°You have not slept for two days and you just had to fight Jacque and myself. It is natural for you to be tired. Answer me; did you sleep well?¡±


    I am honestly terrified to say I did sleep well. Seriously, would ANY girl like to hear that the guy she was fucking slept well DURING their love making? I mean, I was inside her and then, POOF!!! I AM SLEEPING!!! LISTEN TO ME SNORE!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


    Yeah, this can only end badly. But if I tell her I did not sleep well, she will know I am lying and get angry. Fucking bullshit detector. I still don¡¯t know how that shit works. If I lie, she will get angry. If I tell the truth, she will get angry. I CAN¡¯T FUCKING WIN HERE!!!


    ¡°Did you sleep well?¡±


    ¡°Please don¡¯t make me answer that¡­No matter what I say, you¡¯ll get pissed at me¡­¡±


    ¡°Did. You. Sleep. Well?¡±


    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. You know what? Screw it.


    ¡°Sigh. Yes.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡±


    Wait, that¡¯s it? She seriously just said good and turned her back to me. No other comment? No angry yelling? No¡­beating the shit out of me? This is¡­terrifying. Silence is scary. I know she¡¯s furious. I hate it when girls do this¡­Sigh. I better apologize.


    ¡°Justine?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°For what?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    She is definitely not making this easy for me. Fucking hell. I know she¡¯s pissed. She has to be. I would be if I was having sex with someone and that someone decides to fall asleep on me. Maybe if I try something to make up for it. I snuggle closer to her and wrap an arm around her, resting my hand on her stomach. Justine doesn¡¯t react except to say something.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°Ummm¡­cuddling?¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Um¡­I don¡¯t know?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I am so screwed. What do I have to do? Why do girls always say they are fine and not mad when they clearly are?! Fuck.


    ¡°Justine?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± she asks flatly. Shit she¡¯s really pissed¡­


    ¡°I know you¡¯re angry.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t blame you at all. So¡­Anything you want me to do, I will do it.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°I promise.¡±


    ¡°Anything?¡±


    Oh shit¡­this REALLY cannot be good. But if it will get her to stop being all pissy at me, I¡¯ll take that risk. Oh please be something reasonable and won¡¯t kill me or embarrass me¡­or make me do something I will regret.


    I take a deep breath, hold it for a second and slowly let it out.


    ¡°Yes. Anything. Within reason though.¡±


    A bright smile appears on her face as she turns to face me. Oh fuck me. That¡¯s never a good sign. She must have been planning this from the beginning. I just know it. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I already regret this. What could she possibly want me to do?


    ¡°Justine? What are you planning?¡±


    ¡°Do not concern yourself with that. I will cash in on your one favor soon.¡±


    ¡°¡­I hate you, you small titted purple lady.¡±


    ¡°Lie,¡± Justine smiles at me. Well, at least she¡¯s cheering up. Maybe she will forget about that one favor later¡­


    ¡°Justine?¡±


    ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Any chance you will tell me to do that favor now?¡±


    ¡°No. And you will keep your promise to do anything I ask of you or I will tell everyone what you did.¡±


    ¡°You suck.¡±


    ¡°Well, I did do that last night as you slept,¡± she winked at me. Huh, I do vaguely remember that. Oh¡­she¡¯s moving. Where is her hand go¡­Ohhhh. Okay.


    ¡°I did not get to finish last night. So, do your part, little one.¡±


    ¡°Is this the favor?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Balls¡­This would have been an easy favor,¡± I say as I bring her close to me.


    .


    .


    .


    .


    .


    .


    Oh my god¡­someone save me!!!


    This woman is insatiable!! I can¡¯t move right now but even if I could, I am too scared to move. We have been at it for what feels like hours now¡­I think. I lost count of how many times we did it. Her wings would sometimes spontaneously pop out and stay out for a bit before going back inside her. It was hilarious at first but now, it scares me. When they pop out, she got ridiculously aggressive! She¡¯s relaxing right now but if I stir, she will attack. Why don¡¯t I say something to stop her, you ask? Well, if I try to say anything, she shuts me up by kissing me¡­and then goes down on me, causing me to forget that I am trying to get her to stop. Fuck¡­I might be the only guy who is trying NOT to have more sex. Weird right? NO! IT IS NOT WEIRD! THAT is really fucking sensitive right now!!!


    Fuck¡­Okay. She¡¯s done now. I am so exhausted¡­Oh, in other news, Justine¡¯s carpet also matches the drapes. Who knew? Oh right, me. I lost count how many times her carpet has been shoved in my face¡­I probably taste like it now. Bleh. It was awesome at first, now, not so much. It¡¯s like eating your favorite ice cream for hours on end. You think it¡¯ll be great and you¡¯ll never get sick of it but you eventually do¡­you eventually do.


    I¡¯m so sexed out. Oh shit, she¡¯s stirring again. Please don¡¯t make me go another round. I really can¡¯t handle it¡­NO! PLEASE NO!!!! Oh, she¡¯s just cuddling me now. And her wings are not out. Is¡­is she done? Yeah¡­yeah I think so. She hasn¡¯t made a move¡­yet. I can¡¯t say anything. If I say anything, I¡¯m honestly afraid she¡¯ll attack me again and my body just deal with that again.


    ¡°So,¡± oh good, she¡¯s the one talking. I don¡¯t have to worry about more sex. I think¡­Wait, what did she say? She said something¡­what was it? Let¡¯s just smile at her.


    ¡°You have no idea what I just said, do you?¡±


    Let¡¯s be honest and shake my head. I am too afraid to say anything. OW! Why would you flick my forehead?! For telling the truth?! Stop smiling!


    ¡°Pay attention! I said, that was extremely satisfying. It has been 60 years since I was last with someone.¡±


    Holy crap 60 years without sex? No wonder she¡¯s a fucking monster right now. I bet she scared every potential lover. Except I can¡¯t say it. I really want to say it. Too scared to talk.


    ¡°No funny comeback? This is unusual for you.¡±


    ¡°Scared.¡±


    Justine¡¯s eyes narrow at me. ¡°¡­Explain.¡±


    ¡°Every time I try to say something, you jumped me or went down on me. Look, that was awesome at first, don¡¯t get me wrong. But you caused my body to have some fucked up conditioning to speaking now. Look!¡± I point down at myself. Yup¡­it grew¡­again.


    Justine follows my finger with her eyes and smiles as she grabs the thing I¡¯m pointing at.


    ¡°It is not complaining.¡±


    ¡°I am complaining! Please tell me we¡¯re not going to go at it again.¡±


    ¡°No, you weak human. We will be landing soon.¡±


    ¡°Oh thank god.¡±


    ¡°¡­Did you not enjoy yourself?¡±


    She¡¯s kidding right? She has to be kidding. No, she¡¯s not kidding. Huh. Guess even 106 years old Daemons still have insecurities about themselves. Interesting. I¡¯m tempted to tease her but that is just mean¡­and frankly, I can¡¯t think of any funny comments right now. I¡¯ll just alleviate her worries.


    In response, I kiss her strongly on the lips and I receive a death grip in return as she kisses me back. Oh god it hurts!!! I break the kiss and literally scream a little.


    ¡°AH!! TOO TIGHT!! Ha¡­ha¡­not funny,¡± I gasp as I squirm a little, trying to get away. Finally, she slightly loosens her grip on me but still held on. Fine. I¡¯ll take that.


    ¡°You are a weak little princess, are you not?¡±


    ¡°Shut up you nymphomaniac. Can¡¯t believe you waited 60 years. No wonder you kept going. All that pent up sexual frustration.¡±


    ¡°My village is mostly female.¡±


    ¡°So? Sex with a female is fine too.¡±


    ¡°I do not feel attraction to females.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough. Can you let go of me now?¡±


    Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.¡°No.¡±


    ¡°¡­Please?¡±


    ¡°No. It is mine.¡±


    I blink at her in disbelief, ¡°¡­What?¡±


    ¡°It is mine.¡±


    She can¡¯t be seriously thinking that THAT belongs to her because we had sex now. That¡¯s not cool. That¡¯s mine! I should be able to do what I want with it! If her request is to make me wear some kind of chastity belt or something, I will run away.


    ¡°No it isn¡¯t. Let go of me, you flat chested bitch.¡±


    ¡°I am calling in on your promise. I want you to be mine. So when you are mine, this is mine too. I can do as I please with it.¡±


    ¡°I am not a possession!¡±


    ¡°I am aware of that. But, as you like to say, ¡®don¡¯t care.¡¯ You belong to me now. Do not think I will so easily let you pet the tail of some girl again.¡±


    Whoa. That is a scary favor. She wants me for herself. Scary¡­so fucking scary. And I never thought she would use my own phrase against me¡­ever. And she used a contraction!!! That¡¯s uber scary. I wonder if I corrupted her?


    ¡°¡­You¡¯re terrifyingly possessive and give me the willies.¡±


    ¡°Willies?¡±


    ¡°It is an Earth expression. It means you scare the shit out of me.¡±


    ¡°But this is not complaining.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s cause you¡¯re touching it. And that¡¯s just a woody. It happens when a hot girl touches it. Let go.¡±


    ¡°You Earth humans have very interesting expressions,¡± Justine says as she sits up, laughing. ¡°You should be aware that while you are now mine, I am now also yours. My body also belongs to you. Do not be so nervous.¡±


    That is not a fun way to tease me¡­But then again, I am one to talk. I probably did a lot worse to her when we first met. Funny how things turned out. Now she wants to be in a relationship with me. Interesting. We have only known each other for two days¡­well, three now. But I guess stranger things have happened already. I met aliens that can control nature itself and I learned that I am indirectly responsible for the calamity that is running amok on this planet. Crazy.


    ¡°You want to be my girlfriend? You do realize that we only just met¡­¡±


    ¡°Girlfriend? Another Earth expression? I like it. Here we say we lay claim on one another and belong to each other until we decide to officially bond our names together as mates.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t answer my question.¡±


    ¡°I do not want someone else to claim you before me. I feel an attraction so I am acting on it. Now stop asking stupid questions. Take a shower and get ready to leave.¡±


    I watch as Justine gets out of bed and walks into the bathroom. Damn she have a nice ass¡­ What? I¡¯m just saying. She does have a nice ass and I was and will be tapping that. Heh. Who would have thought? I turn over and pull the blankets back over me. Maybe I could at least get another half an hour of sleep. I hear the water turn on as I shut my eyes to let sleep come over me again. I don¡¯t care about showering right now even if I reek of sex¡­and Justine.


    ¡°Little Captain Lindsey,¡± Justine calls as she pokes her head into the doorway, ¡°if a naked woman tells you to take a shower and gets in the shower first, you are supposed to join her.¡±


    ¡°Napping. Leave me alone.¡±


    ¡°Cookies.¡±


    ¡°¡­I really shouldn¡¯t be this easy to bribe.¡±


    I climb out of bed and hop into the shower with Justine. Wow¡­and I thought she was sexy when she was dry. Apparently, her wet is even sexier! Her wings are out now as they absorb the water and wrap around me. Fuck yeah!!!


    I¡¯m just going to temporarily turn off my brain now¡­


    .


    .


    .


    .


    Soooooo¡­yeaaaaah. My mind turned off and now I find myself standing at the bridge, freshly showered, dressed, my bag is on my back, and I am holding Justine¡¯s hand. Volt and Blake have already made some snide comment to me about being loud this morning. Sky asked me about why I am all of a sudden so friendly with Justine. Jacque had sniffed at Justine and me in passing and made a weird face. He probably smelled the sex or something off of us.


    We¡¯re watching Union City come into view. It is truly a magnificent sight to behold. It looks like the city stretches for miles. A large wall surrounds the city, just like Justine¡¯s village. Skyscrapers made out of stone fill the city. I believe that there are even some tall trees that look like have been carved out from the inside to be transformed into a building as well. I also see entrances to what look like an underground building. This city truly has everything.


    The coolest part is the sheer number of what looks like flying vehicles! I mean, they definitely are not flying cars but they are definitely some type of transportation. They kind of remind me of flying ships but with wings. The top of it looks like a small balloon, similar to a smaller version of a hot air balloon and they have sails in the front. The wings also look like they are made out of sails and each seem to be able to move independently. Looks relatively complicated actually. If I have to guess, they are probably powered by wind or fire. The heat from flames probably helps raise the ship up into the air and the wind is what propels them forward. I want one¡­and now I realize that I have no way to power it. Damnit.


    As I¡¯m admiring the view of the city, I see 5 battle zeppelins rise from the city and turn towards us. As I look closer, they seem to have their guns pointed at us. Confused, I look towards Jacque who has a look of concern on his face. He reaches for the radio and tries to hail the oncoming zeppelins.


    ¡°This is the Hendiberg. Approaching vessels, state your intentions.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Repeat, this is the Hendiberg. Approaching vessels, state your intentions.¡±


    Again silence. I wager 50 credits that those ships are not friendly. Whatever those ships want, it can¡¯t be good. If they want to fight, well, we are going to lose. The Hendiberg had to undergo emergency repairs after the fight with the Contagion Swarm and is in desperate need for a legit overwork. Jacque had told us that he planned to stay in Union City for a couple weeks so that his crew can take shore leave and so that it would give them adequate time to fully restore the blimp.


    BZZT


    Finally a radio transmission comes in from one of the 5 zeppelins, ¡°Attention Hendiberg. Apologizes for our delay in responding. This is Captain Gram Sutro of the Union City Air Defense Force. We understand that you have been attacked shortly before your departure from the sub city of Clan Gustof of the Daemon Clans. Please land 5 miles away from Union City and prepare for our arrival.¡±


    ¡°Captain Sutro, this is Captain Jacque de Gralle. May I inquire about this procedure.¡±


    ¡°Captain, this is only a matter of precaution. I will personally discuss this with you in person but not over airwaves. I understand that this is unusual but trust me when I say that this is absolutely necessary not only for the safety of Union City, but for yours as well. Please comply with the orders and prepare for our arrival upon your ship.¡±


    ¡°Acknowledged.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Captain de Gralle.¡±


    Jacque quickly gives orders to head to the new landing site. It is clearly shown on everyone¡¯s faces that they do not like this. I glance over at Justine but cannot read what is going on through her mind. Volt has one hand tracing the handle of one of his guns and Blake has moved her rifle in front of her. Everyone is on edge. I in the meantime, well, I really do not give a shit. If we fight, we die. Best just hope for the best. I¡¯m hedging my bets on my ability to talk my way out of this somehow. That or this is just a big show of chest puffery from Union City.


    We land and Jacque takes us and a few select bridge crewmembers to the main cabin to greet the arriving Captain. While waiting, I notice that everyone has their hand on their weapons. Seriously? Do you really think you can fight your way out of this? Only one of the 5 ships landed, the other 4 are still up in the air with their guns pointed at us. We will die. They will shoot us before we can even say, ¡°Yo, don¡¯t shoot me, bro.¡± Maybe you just want to fight. Whatever. Weirdos.


    The door hisses open and a lone figure stands in the doorway. It is a tall figure with white wings. His skin is ridiculously pale. His face is actually pretty plain. Guess not everyone is supposed to be ridiculously attractive. I definitely hit the jackpot then with Justine. I subconsciously pat her butt as I thought that which caused her to jump a little and glare at me but nothing more. Haha. Sorry. I like your butt.


    I am assuming the person in front of me is a Daimon with his white wings. He looks like an albino. Even more so with his black armor that he is wearing. It looks like leather. On his hip is a broadsword and strapped across his back is a round shield. He approaches Jacques and bows, similar to how Jacque bowed to Justine and to his fallen crewmembers. I guess that is how they salute on Erde.


    ¡°Captain Jacque de Gralle. Permission to come aboard.¡±


    ¡°Permission granted. What is the meaning of this¡­security?¡±


    ¡°Captain, are these individuals trustworthy?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    The Daimon takes a deep breath and says, ¡°The Cult of the Contagion Swarms have begun to move.¡±


    Everyone except for the three humans, and I guess Sky, begin to murmur amongst themselves. I see a flash of anger on everyone¡¯s face as they grip their weapons tightly. Volt and Blake both look at me and I just shrug my shoulders. Nobody is talking out loud but is whispering amongst themselves. I hear some asking ¡°why now¡± and things like ¡°we need to destroy them fast.¡± Obviously, this Cult is bad. But, I have no idea how bad. So, time to ask a stupid question to get a stupid answer. I already have an idea what the Cult of the Contagion Swarms are but I want some confirmation.


    I raise my hand and ask nobody in particular, ¡°Someone mind filling in the strangers here who or what the fuck the COCKS are?¡±


    Everyone looks at me strangely. Volt and Blake both cover their faces with their hands. Sky apparently is trying to hide its head in its wings. Justine is rubbing her temple. What? Was it something I said? Maybe the name of the Cult?


    ¡°What? You guys never call them COCKS? You all lack imagination.¡±

 Chapter 19 – COCKS!!!!

    ¡°Captain de Gralle? May I inquire about your¡­guest?¡± asks the Daimon captain.


    Jacque takes one quick glance at me and shrugs his shoulders. ¡°Ignore him, sir. He is¡­special.¡±


    Fucker.


    I hear Blake snicker a little. I glare at her to which she responds with an innocent looking smile. Don¡¯t play innocent. You¡¯re the one who said I was ¡°special¡± to Jacque. Screw you. Not literally. That¡¯s Volt¡¯s job. I rather not screw you myself. Besides, Justine might actually kill me¡­not to mention Volt. And Sky, maybe. Depends on whether its emotions have advanced enough to develop attachments. Speaking of Sky, why did it hide its head? Was it just imitating Blake and Volt? Or did it actually develop a sense of embarrassment. I should ask it later.


    Captain Gram nods at Jacque. I already dislike this guy. Actually, why do people automatically agree with each other when someone says I¡¯m special? I hate this planet so very much.


    ¡°Captain de Gralle, we will need to speak in private about this matter.¡±


    ¡°Captain Sutro, I am Justine von Gustogh,¡± Justine speaks up suddenly. At the mention of her name, Captain Gram¡¯s eyes open wide. ¡°I request permission to attend this meeting of yours along with my three guests.¡±


    ¡°As you wish, Your Highness. I had no idea you were aboard. It is quite fortunate you are unharmed,¡± Captain Gram bows. You know what? I¡¯m just going to call him Gram from now on. Tired of saying Captain Gram did this and Captain did that or Captain Gram said this. He¡¯s just Gram now. Deal with it.


    ¡°But Your Highness,¡± Gram continues as he rises, ¡°I must object to your guests attending our meeting.¡±


    ¡°I will be travelling with these 3 for quite some time. I believe it is imperative that they also be made aware of what the Cult of the Contagion Swarm is doing.¡±


    ¡°Very well, Your Highness.¡±


    At this, Jacque led us away from everyone and to his office. Whoa¡­he has a nice office. Fancy even if it is a bit cramped. He has a nice wooden office desk in the back with a nice soft swivel chair. Paintings of¡­things are hung up on the wall. He has a picture of what I assume is his family since I see him and Francine in a picture with two older looking Beasts. Looks like his mom is an eagle-type Beast and his father is an alligator-type Beast. Or is it a crocodile-type? I really can¡¯t tell the difference. I feel racist. Hopefully nobody will ask me about Jacque¡¯s father.


    Unfortunately, there are only two other seats besides the one behind the desk. So, naturally, the two Captains take their seats and of course Justine takes the last seat. The three humans stand in the back, elbows jostling each other as we try to get comfortable. I hope this conversation doesn¡¯t last too long. Well, nobody is talking. They¡¯re just sitting and twiddling their thumbs. Literally. Is this really that hard of a conversation to have? Sigh.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong with calling them COCKS? I mean, their name literally spells out ¡®cocks,¡¯ well, without the ¡®k¡¯ that is. We can ignore that little fact though. I¡¯m going to start calling them ¡®COCKS¡¯ and trust me, it will catch on soon enough.¡±


    Everyone just stares blankly at me before Blake smacks the back of my head. Followed by Volt smacking the back of my head. And the Sky whacking one of its wings at the back of my head. What the fuck guys? Not cool. And I bet Sky only whacked me because the two gingers did. Bastard.


    Gram shakes his head and he turns to face both Jacque and Justine. ¡°He really is special, isn¡¯t he?¡±


    Justine nods her head as she gives me a look of exasperation. Hey, you¡¯re the one who wants to date me or in your words, lay claim on me. Don¡¯t regret your choice now, lady. Speaking of which, you¡¯re a fucking a cradle robber. You¡¯re what? 80 some years older than me? Guess I¡¯m into cougars. Go figure.


    ¡°Captain Gram,¡± Jacque speaks up, ¡°can you tell us what is going on?¡±


    ¡°The Cult of¡­¡±


    ¡°COCKS DAMNIT!!¡±


    ¡°Little one, be silent or you will not get cookies later,¡± Justine hisses at me.


    ¡°¡­Fine,¡± I finally say as everyone looks at me.


    ¡°Anyways¡­ The Cult of the Contagion Swarms have a worldwide announcement to join them or die all over the projectors and with graffiti everywhere. They have made a number of assassination attempts in Union City as well as in the Four Nations. A member of the Hierarchy was murdered as well as 3 Elders in the Elven Coalition. My own people lost one of our Lords. An attempt was made on one of your BattleChiefs, Your Highness. I believe it was within Clan Arcme. But the most surprising thing about these assassinations was that they were performed by those within the government. A large number of arrests have been made all over Pangea.


    Also, a large number of kidnappings have been conducted. Random civilians have gone missing everywhere. Fortunately, we have been able to quickly get things under control and the Cult of the Contagion Swarms have quiet down for now.¡±


    ¡°When did this start?¡± Justine inquires.


    ¡°Two days ago.¡±


    ¡°OH SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!!¡±


    Oops. Did I say that out loud? Yup. Yup I did. Justine is giving me a ¡°what the fuck is wrong with you¡± look while Jacque is face palming as he leans back in his chair. Aaaaand I just got smacked again by my siblings and Sky.


    ¡°Linds, are you a fucking idiot?¡± Volt hisses in my ear.


    ¡°Captain Lindsey, you should remain silent,¡± Sky chimes in quietly.


    ¡°Hun, shut up,¡± Blake snaps at me.


    ¡°What is wrong him?¡± Gram asks as he looks at me questioningly.


    ¡°Everything,¡± everyone says at once, including Jacque. You guys all fucking suck. Fine¡­let¡¯s play along.


    ¡°I has to pee¡­¡± I squeak out in a little kid voice, improper grammar and all. I hold my hands together in front of my groin and start bouncing. Nice one, Lindsey. Good save. Gram raises an eyebrow before facing Justine.


    ¡°He really is¡­special.¡±


    ¡°Yes¡­yes he is,¡± Justine replies as she rubs her temple. Heh, I bet she regrets wanting to ¡°claim¡± me now.


    Uh oh¡­I actually do have to pee now¡­


    ¡°Captain de Gralle, we need to individually interview everyone before we let you into the city. Like I said, it is a precautionary measure. I understand it is a huge inconvenience to everyone.¡±


    ¡°Yes, it is. You understand that I have 197 Beasts on this zeppelin? Do you really plan on interviewing all of them?¡±


    ¡°I do. Including your guests and yourself. Of course, I won¡¯t be the only one conducting the interviews. I have a few officers from the United Air Defense Force with me.¡±


    Jacque sighs heavily as he nods. ¡°Very well. I will inform the crew.¡±


    ¡°Thank you for your understanding, Captain. Hopefully we can move this along quickly and get you into the city before nightfall.¡±


    Gram gets up and bows to Jacque before turning and leaving. But before he leaves the room, he stops in front of me.


    ¡°You are certainly an interesting one.¡± he mutters.


    ¡°Thank you?¡±


    He nods and walks out. The moment the door closes, everyone, except for Sky, busts out laughing while I put my hands up in the air in frustration and anger. Bastard probably thinks I¡¯m mentally handicapped or something.


    ¡°Fuck. Every. One. Of you!!¡±


    Justine gets up and smiles and she hugs me affectionately. I look past her and I see Jacque wiping tears from his eyes. Fuck every one of you assholes¡­in the¡­asshole¡­yeah.


    ¡°Little one, that was perhaps one of the funniest things I have ever seen.¡±


    ¡°I hate every one of you right now. Get the fuck off me you flat chested nymphomaniac.¡±


    ¡°Oh hun, you do realize you¡¯re an idiot right?¡±


    ¡°Hey, not my fault. I literally JUST found out that the COCKS, and yes, I will keep calling them the COCKS, deal with it. Oh right, I just found out that the COCKS started acting up AFTER the Contagions attacked us. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!¡±


    ¡°No shit, Linds. We all figured that out but we also know better than to say anything. Jacque didn¡¯t even blink.¡±


    ¡°Captain Lindsey, you are truly special,¡± Jacque says flatly before smirking a little. This causes another round of laughter from everyone. I am going to kill them all. Twice.


    ¡°Seriously guys? Come on now.¡±


    Justine hugs me again and pats me on the head. ¡°It really is a serious situation. The Cult of the¡­¡±


    ¡°Justine, if you¡¯re going to lay claim on me, you better fucking start calling them COCKS.¡±


    ¡°Wait. Her Highness has laid claim on you?!¡± Jacques exclaims as he stands up.


    ¡°Indeed I have, Captain. That is why I am hugging him. He is now my manfriend.¡±


    ¡°Manfriend, Highness?¡±


    ¡°Justine¡­it¡¯s boyfriend,¡± Blake whispers, causing to Justine to blush a little in embarrassment. HA! Serves you right bitch. Can you let go yet?


    ¡°Your Highness, forgive me for my impudence but I thought that the Daemon Royal Family disapproves of their members laying claims with those outside of the Clans.¡±


    ¡°I do not care what the Royal Family says or thinks. I am laying claim on Lindsey.¡±


    Nobody says anything as I stand there awkwardly in the embrace of the much taller, purple 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans. Yep. This is awkward. I need her to let go.


    ¡°Just so you know, I really do have to pee¡­¡±


    ¡°Shut up, arm rest.¡±


    ¡°¡­I¡¯ll pee on you if you don¡¯t let go.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Your move, you titted bitch.¡±


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    ¡°Why did I lay claim on you?¡±


    ¡°How the fuck should I know? You¡¯re the one who did it.¡±


    Justine sighs as she grabs me closer. Wait, grabs me closer? That¡¯s not what you¡¯re supposed to do when you¡¯re regretting your decision¡­


    ¡°Now I remember. You make my life interesting,¡± she beams at me as she lifts me off my feet and kisses me on the lips. Wow that was emasculating. My feet are literally dangling in the air as we make out.


    ¡°GET A ROOM!!¡± Volt yells.


    Blake taps Justine on the shoulder to get her to put me down. Sheesh. This woman is insane. She¡¯s going to be a clingy girlfriend, isn¡¯t she? God I hope not. But then again, clingy girls won¡¯t cheat¡­I think. I guess they will take good care of you though. Justine does makes awesome cookies. I just hope she isn¡¯t the easily jealous type.


    ¡°Okay guys, we actually do have a serious problem,¡± I say still within Justine¡¯s embrace. Damn, will she let go already? Although¡­she is resting her boobs on my head. It feels kind of nice. Okay, fine. You can keep hugging me. Oh, NOW you let go? Sheesh.


    ¡°Captain Lindsey, you probably want to know what the Cult of the Contagion Swarms are,¡± Jacque states.


    ¡°Actually, I kind of figured it out based off their name. They¡¯re a bunch of dicks which is why I¡¯m going to refer to them as COCKS. I¡¯m telling you, that name will catch on. But seriously, I bet they¡¯re a bunch of fanatics who want to join the Contagions and believe that everyone should join the Swarm. Now, I bet that they used to be really quiet and a minor annoyance. However, it looks like they have had their hands everywhere and just tried to destroy everything you stood for and protected. I¡¯m also guessing that the reason they started to act now is because of¡­well, me. I bet the Contagions somehow told the COCKS that the Creator is here. So, how did I do?¡±


    Justine and Jacque blink at me in surprise.


    ¡°What? I¡¯m not an idiot. You two both knew that. Well, Justine did at least.¡±


    ¡°I just never expected you to be serious, Captain Lindsey. It is¡­unusual to see.¡± Jacque finally says.


    ¡°You¡¯re an asshole, Jacque.¡±


    ¡°And you just ruined the moment, sir.¡±


    ¡°Actually, Captain Jacque, let me be serious again. Do you guys have a rough estimate of the COCKS¡¯ number?¡±


    ¡°Unfortunately, we do not. They are a secretive group. I never expected them to have their hands in government though. If what we believe is true and they are acting because of your sudden arrival, you would do well to watch your back. The Cult is far more dangerous than anyone could have predicted and are extremely dangerous. They truly believe that the Contagion Swarm is the salvation of Erde and will stop at nothing to force everyone to assimilate into the Swarm.¡±


    ¡°It was always thought that the Cult had some way to communicate with the Swarm but it was eventually dismissed as a rumor. Now, we know the truth. Lindsey, the Swarm is in control of the Cult. This is bad,¡± Justine adds with a hint of worry in her voice.


    ¡°I¡¯ll say this is bad! You still didn¡¯t call them COCKS, Justine.¡±


    ¡°I am being serious here, Lindsey!¡±


    Justine is angry at me. No surprise there. I grab her hand and squeeze it tightly. I look up and smile at her. She¡¯s angry but at the same time, I know she is a little scared. With people up high in powerful positions coming out as members of COCKS, it will be hard to know who to trust. Fear and distrust are powerful tools in espionage and warfare. This isn¡¯t going to be easy to deal with.


    ¡°Look you beautiful purple princess with an insatiable appetite and tiny boobs, there is no point worrying about this right now. Why? Cause there is an albino outside this zeppelin that wants to interview everyone on this blimp to make sure we¡¯re not part of COCKS. THAT is what we should worry about. We might as well get started. Volt, Blake, we probably need to figure out our stories. I vote we say we¡¯re from a faraway land or some shit. That or we hide.¡±


    ¡°He already saw us, hun. How exactly do you plan to hide?¡± Blake points out.


    ¡°Uhhhhh¡­skills?¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t think that far ahead?¡±


    ¡°Nope. Although, that Gram guy probably thinks I¡¯m retarded thanks to you assholes. He probably won¡¯t bother to interview me.¡±


    ¡°Justine, what do our papers say?¡± Volt asks.


    ¡°You are half Elves and half Daimons. Orphans and raised by the Daemon Clans.¡±


    ¡°Oh, that works,¡± I muse. Interesting. I should send a gift to the BattleChief later. Simple and easy to remember. And maybe that will help her accept my new relationship with her daughter. Then again, she just might kill me for causing Justine to break tradition and rules.


    Jacque at this point reaches for a microphone looking thing on his desk and gives an announcement to the entire ship, informing them about the change of plans and how everyone of them needs to be interviewed. I noticed that he left out the COCKS entirely. Guess he wants his crew to be as honest as possible to exonerate them easily. Good plan. Unfortunate that they can¡¯t hear the news about the terrorist organization through their Captain though.


    We walk out of Jacque¡¯s office and wait in the galley with a majority of the crew. Looks like the Union City Air Defense Force wants to keep everyone together. I hope nobody is sick because this is how a plague starts. Seriously. It is just waiting to happen. Don¡¯t these people know the basics of hygiene? Well, fortunately, it looks like the Beasts are all relatively conscious about their hygiene. Better, I¡¯ll say, than some humans I know back on Earth.


    Beasts enter and leave as their names are individually called out by a member of the Air Defense Force. It moves so slowly though. Justine and Jacque are called almost immediately by someone to be interviewed. Lucky bastards. But I guess that is normal. Get the high ranking ones out of the way first.


    God, I am so bored. I entertain myself by gathering silverware and try to stack them to form a tower by standing them up against one another and adding layers. Volt keeps trying to knock over my creation only to be met with stabs from my Spoon of Doom. He does succeed a few times unfortunately. Asshole. Blake watches us with a hint of amusement in her eyes. Sky on the other, we told it to transform into a block and hide in Blake¡¯s pocket. We really did not want to explain it to whomever interviews us.


    Finally, Volt and Blake are both called individually of one another and I am able to construct my tower in peace. Or so I thought. Justine at this time comes back from her interview and sits next to me. She faces me as she leans against the wall behind her. Sighing heavily, she raises her legs and rests them on mine. Rude. Well, whatever. She has nice legs and I guess this is normal behavior for couples. I put a hand on one of them and continue to try...whoa¡­she has really smooth legs!! Wow¡­I mean, she is wearing long pants and everything but I had maneuvered my hand under a leg sleeve from her ankle. Wow¡­so smooth. I wonder if she shaves her legs regularly or if she just naturally lacks hair on her legs. Huh. Maybe this whole relationship thing isn¡¯t so bad.


    Anyways, back to building my Tower of Awesomeness. It is currently 3 feet high and stable. Nobody knock it over. I will stab them with the Spoon of Doom. Okay, this next piece is delicate. Careful¡­Careful¡­Caaaarefulllll¡­.


    ¡°Lindsey Shin!¡±


    FUCK! That made me jump and the Tower of Awesomeness topples over. Fucking¡­Elf? I think it¡¯s an Elf. Man I think. He¡¯s dressed in black leather armor and wears¡­nunchucks? This dude has nunchucks? Sweeeeet. I like him already¡­but only a little. He did cause me to knock over my Tower of Awesomeness.


    I lift Justine¡¯s silky smooth legs off of me and stand up. Justine in the meantime, pouts a little and stretches out a hand to me. What? What does she want? Am I supposed to do something here? Just kidding, I know what she wants. I grab it and squeeze it gently as I smile down at her. Huh, I am looking down at her. That¡¯s a first. Well, not exactly looking down. She¡¯s still about my height sitting. She is crazy tall. Or I¡¯m crazy short.


    ¡°Kiss for luck?¡± I ask her as I bring my face closer.


    She kisses me on the cheek and pats where she just kissed me. ¡°Do not say anything stupid, dumbass.¡±


    ¡°Dumbass? Where did you learn that word?¡±


    ¡°You and your brother say it all the time. It is an insult, is it not?¡±


    ¡°Wow¡­you sure are smart!¡± I say sarcastically. Justine kicks me away with a grin on her face.


    ¡°Get going, dumbass. And remember, do not say something stupid,¡± Justine kicks me away with a grin on her face.


    ¡°No promises!¡± I declare as I make my way over to the Elf.


    Well, here goes. The Elf is about my height. Oh nice. Fellow shorty! He has short green hair. Whoa. Green hair¡­interesting. Did not see that coming. His face is almost feminine like. How interesting¡­I wonder if all Elves look girlish. He is very pretty. Not handsome, pretty. His skin is tanned and he looks like he has delicate arms. I bet 100 creds that he could probably tear me in half though. If I learned anything on this planet, looks can be deceiving. Justine looks weak, even if she is tall but she has the strength of what, 20 guys back on Earth? Oh and yes, the Elf has pointy ears.


    I look into the green eyes of his and take a deep breath.


    ¡°I am Lindsey Shin.¡±


    The Elf nods and gestures for me to follow him out. Oh shit. I just remembered something vital¡­


    I forgot that I really need to pee.

 Chapter 20 – Shut Up, Lindsey

    Gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee¡­fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Why didn¡¯t I go when I had the chance?!?! Maybe I can get the Elf¡¯s attention and he¡¯ll let me go to the restroom. Wait, are we going outside? Where the fuck are we going? Huh, weird. Okaaaay¡­maybe I should use a tree? Hold up. He¡¯s not taking me outside to shoot me is he? Why do I feel like Old Yeller now?


    ¡°Um¡­Excuse me?¡±


    The Elf lifts and arm and motions for me to keep following him. Dude. Rude. Heh, that rhymes. Dude rude. Rude dude. He¡¯s a rude dude. Oh shit¡­still gotta pee.


    ¡°I really need to use the restroom¡­soooo, can you just wait right here for a sec?¡±


    The Elf just keeps walking. Dude!! Seriously? Okay, you are officially an asshole. Mother fucking asshole. No, calm down. Let¡¯s be reasonable here. Let¡¯s give him a way out. I know you can hear me but I¡¯ll give you an out.


    ¡°Okay. Not sure if you¡¯re listening or can hear me but I REALLY got to pee. So, I¡¯m going to go behind this tree and just relieve myself really quick.¡±


    ¡°Do not deviate from our course.¡±


    ¡°Oh so you are listening. Look, I desperately need to pee.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t care. I just want to get this job done and over with.¡±


    Hey asshole, did anyone ever tell you that you are kind of a dick? Fucking bureaucratic asshole. Well, he probably hates his job. I can¡¯t blame him all that much. But I¡¯m naming him Asshole from now on. No need to be power tripping.


    ¡°Look man. I get it. You don¡¯t want to do these interviews. I get that. I totally do. But if you want me to be able to concentrate on answering your questions honestly and quickly, let me just hide behind this tree here and relieve myself.¡±


    ¡°I dislike waiting. Hold it in,¡± Asshole flatly orders.


    Fuck my life. Maybe I can just pop out my penis and let it dribble onto the ground as I walk. Better yet, I should aim for Asshole¡¯s back. Nah¡­I¡¯ll just hold it in. No. You know what, fuck this guy.


    I stop and walk behind a tree. The asshole Elf groans in frustration as he stops and waits impatiently, tapping his foot with his arms crossed. Deal with it. I have to pee. I unzip myself and take a piss. Fuck him. When you got to go, you got to go. Besides, now I have asserted my dominance. I am marking my territory right in front of him. And I will not wash my hands. Note to self, shake his hand or pat his shoulder. Make him feel dirty. This should be fun.


    ¡°Are you done yet?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s very difficult to concentrate with you talking to me like that. And frankly it¡¯s a bit rude. Just saying. Ahhhh¡­There we go. Okay. Hang on. Just got to shake out the last drop, you know? Give it a little squeeze. You know what I hate? That feeling of that last drop landing in your boxers. It¡¯s like a patch of shame shouting to the world ¡®Look at me! I just peed!¡¯ And you know what sucks? No matter how much I shake, that last drop will always be there, waiting. Taunting me. It¡¯s a pain in the ass.¡±


    I peek around the corner and make eye contact with Asshole. He is pissed. Fuming really. I can almost see smoke coming out of his ears. Almost. This isn¡¯t a fucking cartoon. But then again, he probably could make smoke come out of his ears. That would be funny. I smile at him as I zip up.


    ¡°There! All done. See? That wasn¡¯t so bad. I felt like we connected a bit there. Didn¡¯t you? I feel so close to you now. You¡¯re practically a brother to me now! Best of friends!¡±


    I pat him on the shoulder. Score. Mission accomplished. Asshole ignores me as he spits on the ground and starts walking again. I now notice that we are walking towards the other zeppelin. The one that Gram came in on I bet. When we get inside, I notice that the cabin is similar to Jacque¡¯s with gun turrets mounted on the sides. The only difference is that the floor of the cabin isn¡¯t clear. Instead, a bunch of tables and chairs in cubicles fill the room. There are about 30 officers conducting interviews. Damn, they are really going overboard here.


    We arrive at one of the tables and he takes a seat. I also sit down and lean back. Yeah, I¡¯m pretty relaxed. Why? Well, I relieved myself. I REALLY had to go. You have no idea how bad it was. Oh¡­he¡¯s reading a file. I bet that file is on me. Oh shit¡­if Asshole asks me questions about my file, I would have no idea what to say. Fuck¡­I might a bit screwed here.


    I sit there, now completely nervous, watching Asshole read the file. He leans back in his chair, takes out a pen and starts to chew on it. Yup, he¡¯s an office man through and through. He makes a few notes here and there as he flips through the file. Okay seriously, how long does it take to read a file. I¡¯m nervous but now I¡¯m starting to get bored again. You know what? I¡¯m going to take a nap. This chair isn¡¯t exactly deluxe or anything but I can fall asleep in it. I bring my hands behind my head and close my eyes. Slowdown that breathing. Deep breath in, deep breath out. In. Out. In


    ¡°I¡¯m going to ask you some questions and you are going to answer them promptly.¡±


    Asshole interrupted my relaxation time. I really dislike this guy. Whatever. Let¡¯s just get this done quickly.


    ¡°Sure. I¡¯m game.¡±


    Asshole narrows his eyes at me and writes something down. Already? You¡¯re taking this way too seriously. I mean, I did meet your captain, surely that means something?


    ¡°Name?¡±


    ¡°Lindsey Shin. What¡¯s yours?¡± I smile at him. He may be named Asshole but I can still be polite.


    ¡°Occupation?¡± Asshole asks, ignoring my question. Rude.


    ¡°Unemployed. How about you? What do you do? And you never told me your name.¡±


    ¡°What is your reason for traveling on board a Tribe military vessel?¡±


    ¡°Escorting the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans to Union City,¡± I make up on the spot. Damn I¡¯m good¡­or maybe not. He just wrote something down. I seriously hate this guy. I honestly have no real reason to hate him for writing anything but I do. Just call it, I want to hate this guy just for the sake of it. Asshole. And he won¡¯t fucking answer any of my questions. The fuck is this guy¡¯s deal?


    ¡°Where is your home?¡±


    ¡°Unknown.¡± This causes Asshole to look at me suspiciously. I should probably clarify what I mean. ¡°I am an orphan.¡±


    ¡°¡­Hmph. Typical. Parents¡¯ names?¡±


    ¡°Whoa, what do you mean by ¡®typical¡¯ there?¡± I ask. That just seemed uncalled for. What the hell, man?


    ¡°Parents¡¯ names?¡± he flatly repeats.


    Okay, Asshole is starting to piss me off. I am tired of this. If he won¡¯t answer any of my questions and wants to be rude towards me, well, I¡¯m certainly not going to make your job easier. Let¡¯s have some fun, Asshole.


    ¡°No idea. I told you, I¡¯m an orphan. I barely remember my parents. They died when I was 5 or something.¡±


    ¡°Your adopted parents,¡± Asshole clarifies.


    Shit. I have no idea. I highly doubt the BattleChief used my actual adopted parents¡¯ names. Oh shit, I should say something. Let¡¯s go with this¡­


    ¡°Mom and Dad.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°What? I call them Mom and Dad. They never told me their names.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Sometimes I call them Mommy and Daddy. Or Mama and Dada. Mapmap and Pappap. If I am being formal, Mother and Father. Sometimes they¡¯re power tripping and I have to call them Matriarch and Patriarch. Then there are times when they militaristic and I call them Madam and Sir.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    Asshole writes a lot this time. Sorry Justine. I did something stupid. Well, I already did a lot of stupid things before this interview even started. But you probably already knew that was going happen when you said, ¡°Do not say anything stupid.¡±


    ¡°I understand that Her Highness had laid claims on you. It is highly irregular for a Royal Family to lay claims on anyone.¡±


    ¡°Is that a question? Cause I can¡¯t tell if you¡¯re asking me a question or just making a statement. You really should be a bit clearer. Hell, if that was a question, I don¡¯t even know what the question was. I was raised by Daemons. Lovely group of people. They took me in when I had nowhere to go. And they make wonderful sweets too. Plus, have you seen them? They are all so gorgeous. Every one of them. And they can fly!¡±


    Asshole seems to stiffen a bit as he slowly takes a breath in. What is wrong with this guy? Obviously, he hates me. Doesn¡¯t seem to be a reason for it though.


    ¡°Why would the 4th Princess of the Daemon Clans want to be with you?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m an unusual guy. I¡¯m pretty fucking awesome. I don¡¯t know. She just wanted too. She made the first move after all.¡±


    ¡°Indeed. All the more suspicious. I do not understand how someone like Her Highness would want to be with someone as¡­inadequate as you. She should be with someone more suitable to her. You must have done something to force her to exchange claims with you. What did you do?¡±


    Holy shit. Is he actually giving me shit for dating Justine? Wait, come to think of it, how did he know? Oh that¡¯s right, Justine kissed me earlier. He probably saw that. But that could have just been¡­nah. That was definitely a couple kiss. No way anyone would confuse that something else. Asshole is really getting on my nerves here. Like I had to blackmail girls to date me. Sheesh. I¡¯m not a loser like you. I bet you do that. Oh, you¡¯re talking again. Yeah, I¡¯m not really paying that much attention anymore. Bored of this shit.


    ¡°I interviewed Her Highness earlier. I was shocked to find out she had exchanged claims with someone. Imagine my shock to see it is someone like you. She should be with someone with a bit more¡­class. Someone who is more whole.¡±


    Hang on a minute, is he¡­envious? He is, isn¡¯t he? Asshole is totally taking it out on me. Well, this is not good. This cannot end well. Which means¡­I better have some fun before shit hits the fan. Hey, it¡¯s already going to end badly so why not see how far I can take it? Bad idea? Probably, but I don¡¯t really give a flying fuck. Huh. Flying fuck. I might have to ask Justine later if she wants to try having sex while flying. And speaking of flying, I just realized I joined the mile-high club. Sweeeet. Oh right, I should probably retort back at Asshole.


    I beam brightly at Asshole while staring directly into his eyes. His eyes seem to narrow in anger for some reason. What? Did he really think he could get me angry? What the fuck is he trying to accomplish anyways? I¡¯m not some guy who would turn huge and green when I get angry. That also would end badly for him too if I could do that. What is his logic? Let¡¯s get this person angry and make him have an outburst so I can arrest him on charges of being in league with COCKS? Actually, that might work if the system is easily corrupted. He is a bureaucrat after all. Maybe he wants me to say something like I brainwashed Justine. That would probably cause a huge shit storm if I said that. I should watch what I say.


    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    I¡¯m still going to keep messing with Asshole. Let¡¯s play, poke the bear. The bear in this case beinggreen-haired Asshole. I¡¯m counting on you, Justine. Use your status to get me out of this mess later. She¡¯s going to give me a lecture or something later for this¡­worth it.


    ¡°Well, Justine and I exchanged claims. I see nothing wrong with that.¡±


    ¡°You disrespect her by calling her by her name?!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s disrespectful? Wow. You really expect someone who has exchanged claims with Justine to call her ¡®Your Highness¡¯ every time? What, you expected me to say ¡®Oh I love you, Your Highness!¡¯ What about ¡®Your Highness, let¡¯s go fishing!¡¯ OH and how about this one, ¡®Oh Your Highness! You really know how to please a guy! Let¡¯s have more sex, Your Highness!¡¯ Maybe when I am moaning in bed I should be saying ¡®Oh Your Highness! Highness! HIGHNESS!!! YES YES YES!!!¡¯ Although, in that scenario, I became a woman¡­huh.¡±


    CRASH


    Asshole just flipped the table. I¡¯m still smiling at him. Guess I stuck a nerve. He¡¯s not even a Daemon and he is getting pissed? Sheesh. 50 creds that this guy had wanted to ask out Justine and she turned him down.


    ¡°YOU DARE?!?!¡± His spit is practically spraying all over the place. His fists are tightly clenched as he stands over me¡­which isn¡¯t much considering that he is about my height.


    ¡°I dare what exactly? I honestly have no idea what you¡¯re daring me to do if you don¡¯t finish your statement. I mean, I might take the dare depending on what it is. Do I dare eat a bunch of steaks in one sitting? Yes. Do I dare go run around naked in public? Maybe. Do I dare shoot myself in the face? Hell no. That sounds like it would hurt. Would you shoot yourself in the face? Probably not. Your face looks pretty delicate. It¡¯ll probably hurt you a lot more than it would hurt me. Actually, it would definitely hurt you more since you¡¯re shooting yourself in the face and not me. Wait, what exactly are you daring me to do?¡±


    Asshole reaches into his flipped table and pulls out a small pistol. He points it directly at my head. You know, at this point, I¡¯m no longer even concerned. So far, my life has been threatened at least twice a day since I woke up on this planet. It¡¯s becoming a norm for me now. That can¡¯t be good though. Maybe I should stop antagonizing the authorities. Nah, they keep doing stunts like this and it honestly is annoying. They¡¯re too¡­rigid.


    ¡°I SHOULD KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!!¡±


    Speaking of antagonizing the authorities¡­


    ¡°Technically, I am sitting,¡± I grin at him. ¡°You¡¯re the one standing.¡±


    ¡°SHUT UP!!¡±


    ¡°Really? By yelling ¡®shut up¡¯ on top of your lungs at me, you really expect me to shut up? I don¡¯t think that is how it works. If you really want me to shut up, you probably should shoot me. Although, I wouldn¡¯t recommend that. You might stir up trouble. Or war. Is that what you¡¯re going for?¡±


    ¡°BE SILENT!!! YOU¡¯RE NOTHING BUT A FILTHY HALF-BREED!!! AN ABOMINATION TO OUR KIND!!!!¡±


    Oh. Well, I should be offended. Right? I should be offended. Would a true half-breed be offended? I think they would be. Should I pretend to be offended? Everyone is looking at us now. Let¡¯s¡­play this by ear.


    ¡°But, I just showered. Do I smell? Maybe I still reek of sex. Are you telling me to go shower? Want to put this interview on hold while I go clean myself? Or is it because I took a piss outside? I know I didn¡¯t wash my hands. Is that problem? Should I go wash my hands? But then, you should probably wash your shoulder. I did pat you after all. And you might want to clean this chair too. Are you OCD about cleanliness? Is that the issue here?¡±


    ¡°SHUT UP! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO STOP TALKING?! ALL YOU HALF-BREED SHOULD JUST...¡±


    ¡°LIEUTENANT ALEX! STAND DOWN!!¡±


    Damn, I actually wanted to see what all us half-breeds should do. Was it bake a cake? I like cake. It was probably go bake a cake. Or maybe get high. Nah, I¡¯m totally just fucking around. He probably wants us to die or some bullshit like that.


    Captain Gram is stomping over to us. He does not look like a happy camper, no sir. Asshole turns and immediately bows to his Captain. Unfortunately for him, his Captain is glaring at him. I can see anger in both of their eyes. One is angry at his officer, the other is angry at something else entirely. I wonder what? Oh right, it¡¯s directed at me. Heh.


    ¡°Lieutenant. You are hereby relieved of your duties. Go to your quarters and remain there until we have launched.¡±


    ¡°But sir!¡±


    ¡°NOW!!¡±


    ¡°¡­Yes sir.¡±


    Asshole bows again and turns to leave. He shoots me a hateful look which I returned with a bright smile. Later Asshole. I know you¡¯ll probably try to plan some kind of revenge but just so you know, you¡¯re way too much fun to mess with. And way too easy. It¡¯s not even a challenge. Should have just let me pee instead of being a power tripping asshole. Oh I see a lot of fun ahead of us. And I¡¯ll shoot you in the face if you try anything to hurt my family or Justine. Twice. Double tap. Just to make sure you stay dead.


    Basically, don¡¯t fuck with me, Asshole.


    When Asshole finally leaves the cabin, Gram turns to everyone and stares at them, causing everyone to get back to their interviews and answering questions. He then faces me and sighs heavily.


    ¡°I must apologize, Mr. Shin. I should have looked at who was to interview you. Lieutenant Alex Pamish is a proud Elf and stuck in the old ways. He looks down on half-breeds such as yourself.¡±


    ¡°Do most Elves think that way? I actually never met an Elf.¡±


    ¡°Then it is unfortunate the Lieutenant is one of your first encounters with your heritage. No, he is one of the minorities who will openly insult half-Elves. Most Elves do not care enough to say anything. And to be honest, half-Elves are not that common so you are probably his first encounter as well.¡±


    ¡°I thought Daimons and Elves mingled together frequently? At least, that is what I was told. Don¡¯t the two races also bond?¡±


    ¡°You must have truly been isolate, Mr. Shin,¡± Gram says as he raises an eyebrow at me. Oops. Hopefully he will not think too heavily on that. ¡°We mingle as business partners frequently but rarely do we bond with one another as mates. Elves are a proud people and typically will only become mates with their own kind.¡±


    Gram sighs again before gesturing towards the exit. ¡°You can go back. I apologize again. I should have had someone else conduct your interview. Thank you for not striking Alex. You can rest assure that he will be disciplined for his actions.¡±


    ¡°Hey, don¡¯t worry about it. I found it very enlightening actually. Thank you, Captain,¡± I reassure him as I bow. He bows back, deeply and smiles as he rises up.


    ¡°I said this before Mr. Shin, you really are interesting,¡± he says as he walks away.


    Curious. Very curious. Half-Elves are looked down on. I wonder how much trouble the three of us will face in the future because of this. Did Justine know about this? What about her parents as they made the documents for us? They had to have known. But, they were probably right though; if you mix Daimons and Elves together, they MIGHT resemble a human. Mix any of the other races, you probably would not even come close. And seeing how Asshole immediately called me a half-breed, looks like they actually made the right choice even though there are people like Asshole. But then again, people like Asshole are everywhere.


    So, half-breeds look like humans then? He did readily accept me as half-Elf. I wonder if I can see any other half-breeds. That would be interesting. Daimons have roundish ears but they still are pointy at the end. The skin tone is off¡­unless you compare it to an albino. And last I checked, humans do not have wings. We also do not look like the Elves. Curious.


    I make my way back to the galley which at this moment, is full of laughter and noise. I wonder what is going on? I open the doors and I see everyone crowded around one table. There is a HOLY SHIT IS THAT A SHARK?!?! THERE IS A SHARK BEAST?!?! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!! Wait, does he have fins for arms?!?! No, he has arms. Really beefy arms. And legs. Huh. Guess he only has a shark head. That would be hard to make out with.


    Ahem, sorry about that. Got a bit excited there. Anyways, the shark-type Beast is standing on the table and acting out something. Every time he stops talking, the crowd erupts in laughter. As I get closer, I start to hear what he says.


    ¡°¡­favorite part is whenthe Lieutenantpulls out a gun, points it at Mister Lindsey Shin¡¯s head, and declares on the top of his lungs, loud enough for all of us to hear, that he should, and I quote, ¡®KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!!¡¯ And you know what Lindsey does? The guy just nonchalantly remains seated and smiles the biggest shit eating grin ever. ¡®Technically, I am sitting. You¡¯re the one standing.¡¯¡±


    Roaring laughter races through the crowd. I chuckle a bit. Glad people are enjoying this. But seriously, I was just there a few minutes ago. This is already starting to spread? Man, people must be bored out of their minds. I notice that the table he is standing on is the one where I was sitting. Justine is still sitting there with a huge smile on her face. Blake and Volt are laughing but with their heads in their hands. I cannot tell if they are embarrassed for me or if they actually find this hilarious. Probably both. I make my way towards Justine and someone shouts out my name. Suddenly people start shouting and cheering as I receive pats on my back.


    ¡°Damn! I can¡¯t believe you had the courage to say something like that to that Elf!¡±


    ¡°Way to go, Lindsey!¡±


    ¡°Thank you? Hang on, Justine, why are you glaring at me? You were smiling and laughing just a while ago¡­¡±


    The room immediately goes silent as all eyes turn on Justine. She slowly gets up and walks towards me. I unconsciously take a step back. She¡¯s either really pissed or she is REALLY good at acting pissed. Either way, terrifying. Actually, what makes it even more terrifying is that her black wings are out and on fire¡­again. And so is her silver hair. They¡¯re black flames. Okay, she¡¯s probably very angry right now. But then, why was she laughing? Why is everyone slowly backing away? I NEED SHIELDS!!! GET BACK HERE YOU COWARDS!! If you guys are near me, she won¡¯t attack so easily!!


    ¡°Boyfriend,¡± she says steadily in a monotone voice, ¡°what was it that I told you before you left?¡±


    Uh oh. Can¡¯t lie. Her damnable lie detector is too strong. I fucking hate that lie detector. Sigh. Here we go.


    ¡°Not to say anything stupid?¡±


    ¡°And what did you do?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Well?¡±


    ¡°...You¡¯re pretty¡­¡±

 Chapter 21 – Relationships Are Confusing…Just Saying

    It¡¯s hot. It¡¯s very hot. Who knew that black flames would be so hot? Nobody is running away but they keep their distance from Justine¡­and me. Cowards. Well, maybe not so much cowards but completely useless. I bet the only reason they are staying put is because they want to see what happens. How bored are you guys? Officers are coming in to gather more of the crew to interview but the moment they step into the mess hall; they don¡¯t dare say anything. Useless bunch of idiots.


    Justine is still steadily walking towards me. Her black flames roar around her wings and hair. It¡¯s like seeing a demon from hell. She seriously can¡¯t be THAT angry at me can she? I mean, Asshole was being an asshole. I need to come up with something and I need to come up with it fast. A million thoughts run through my head as I try to come up with a plan.


    ¡°Justine, you¡¯re beautiful, you know that?¡±


    ¡°Stop trying to distract me, little one.¡±


    ¡°Balls¡­¡±


    Wait a minute... I¡¯m a bloody genius! That will work! It will make her forget why she is angry, or why she is pretending to be angry. Yes, she will be so confused... I hope. This ought to work. This better work.


    ¡°Well? Little one I¡¯m still waiting for your answer,¡± Justine frowns as she stands directly in front of me. Wow it¡¯s really hot. And she is truly beautiful even though she is on fire. Heh. This is going to be fun.


    I grab her hands and look up into her eyes, smiling. I notice there is a hint of amusement in her eyes. Yup, she was just pretending to be mad. Okay good, my plan should work then. Let¡¯s get this show started.


    ¡°Oh Justine. You¡¯re so na?ve,¡± I start to sing. ¡°But you have to believe me-e-e,¡±


    She looks at me like I have finally jumped off the deep end as I begin to wave her arms and dance before her. Volt in the meantime grins in anticipation while Blake bangs her head on the table. They know exactly what I¡¯m about to do here. We did it in the past to distract Blake when she got angry or was faking her anger at the two of us. Volt, I¡¯m counting of you. Do your part.


    I pull Justine towards my siblings and I gesture towards a door. ¡°All eyes turn to you when you come into the ro-oo-oo-m!¡±


    I spin her away from me with one hand before pulling her back into my arms. Her flames have died out and her wings have retreated back into her back in her confusion so I am able embrace her from behind safely and without issue. Volt has started to struck a slow beat on the table. Good job, brother. You guessed the right beat. Blake is walking away as quickly as she can. Typical. At least she isn¡¯t stopping us.


    ¡°Your wings burn with fire. But that just increases my desi-i-i-ire!!,¡± I sing loudly for everyone to hear. I¡¯m not the best singer but at least I¡¯m not tone deaf. I can carry a tune¡­decently.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Justine asks. I ignore her and continue.


    ¡°You make the best cookies! And I love your boobies!!¡±


    ¡°Stop this,¡± Justine whispers to me.


    I shake my head with a huge grin on my face. I let go of her and jump on the table that Volt is beating on. He stops drumming and jumps up to join me. We throw our arms around each other¡¯s shoulders as I continue to sing. Volt joins in by beatboxing slowly. I am making up the lyrics as I go. Trust me, this isn¡¯t as easy as I am making it seem. We slowly increase our volume. All eyes in the mess hall are staring at us like we are insane. Well, we probably are. Never been certified though. I wave my free hand and gesture towards everyone.


    ¡°Every guy in this room wishes you were their girl!! But you are mine so those assholes can hurl!!!¡± I look at Justine who is starting to look entertained and embarrassed at the same time.


    ¡°Why is your brother joining in? What are you two doing? Stop this at once!¡± Justine demands as she blushes ferociously. Yeah, we¡¯re definitely not going to stop. This is way too much fun.


    I glance over at Volt. He nods at me. Yup. It is time to howl the chorus. We raise our hands up in the air and start to dance with each other on the table.


    ¡°OH JUSTI-I-I-INE! WAIT, DON¡¯T GO!!! I WANT YOU TO KNOW!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM SINGING BUT YOU DRIVE ME CRA-A-A-AZY!!! YOU MAKE ME LA-A-A-A-AZY!!! BUT THAT IS ONLY CAUSE YOU¡¯RE SO HO-O-O-O-T!! AND OH MAN DO I REALLY MISS SMOKING PO-O-O-O-O-T!!!¡±


    I jump down from the table and slide up to her. The Beasts are starting to laugh and applaud. Justine is turning into a deep shade of purple now. It¡¯s fucking adorable. I grab her hands again and begin to spin her around before falling on my knees and hugging her legs. At least she isn¡¯t resisting. Hell, there is even a hint of a smile on her face.


    ¡°So don¡¯t burn me! Oh please don¡¯t burn me!! I rather not get burned!! Oh ba-a-by please don¡¯t burn me!! I rather not get¡­¡±


    ¡°ENOUGH! STOP!!¡± Justine laughs. She covers my mouth with her hands. She pulls me up to my feet. I take full advantage of the situation by hugging her and burying my face in her chest. Damn I love tall women. I get to be head level with their boobs. I lift my head up and look up at her. She is smiling shyly and her face is flushed. I want to tease her more.


    ¡°Damnit, Justine, I was just about to get to the good part!¡±


    ¡°Enough. I cannot handle it anymore,¡± Justine says as she leans down. She then whispers in my ear, ¡°Tonight, you will properly compensate me.¡±


    I must have the dumbest looking smile on my face now. Heh, she got turned on and I¡¯m so going to get laid again. Sweeeeeeet. You don¡¯t need to be good at singing, just able to hold a tune. Hold your tune and girls will fall head over heels for you. I¡¯m just saying. Boy bands have it all figured out, don¡¯t they?


    Seeing that the show is over, the crowd begins to disperse. The officers continue calling out to people and bringing people back. Volt and I are laughing and fist bumping each other. Apparently, he approves of my lyrical choice to serenade Justine. The girls are sitting at a table and we make our way to them. Volt sits down next to Blake and kisses her lightly on the cheek. I sit next to Justine who immediately places a hand on my leg. Hmmm. This relationship thing certainly does have its perks. Let me try something¡­I reach around and place a hand on her waist. Yeah, she¡¯s not resisting and in fact, is leaning into to me. Huh. This is nice.


    Blake reaches over to Justine and grabs Justine¡¯s hand as she sighs heavily. ¡°Justine, sweetie, I¡¯m so sorry that my husband and his brother are idiots...¡±


    ¡°It was¡­entertaining.¡±


    ¡°Get used to it, they will probably do it again in the future for an entirely different reason. Just be glad they did not have instruments,¡± Blake sighs.


    ¡°Are they bad at playing?¡±


    ¡°No¡­They¡¯re not bad. They just completely tune out everyone and play really loudly. You boys give me a headache.¡±


    Volt and I smile stupidly and nod. Blake loves it though. We know she does. She may pretend to be embarrassed and all but we all know the truth; she loved the attention. And now, she has to share that attention with Justine. You¡¯re going to have to learn to share, sis.


    At this moment, Sky flies out of Blake¡¯s pocket and lands on the table. It manages to keep its shape small enough so that we can conceal it with our bodies. Definitely don¡¯t want these Union people to find out about it. It looks at us with curiosity.


    ¡°Miss von Gustogh, why did you not burn the Captain? Did he not obey your orders?¡±


    ¡°Yo, Sky, what the fuck? What¡¯s wrong with you?!?!¡± That little bastard is undoing everything I just did!!!


    ¡°I am operating under optimal parameters, Captain.¡±


    ¡°Blake, I want to dismantle your AI.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, hun,¡± Blake smiles mischievously at me. ¡°I think Alpha has progressed to the age of a curious 5 years old. It hasn¡¯t stopped asking questions since I last made some adjustments.¡±


    Justine in the meantime, remembers that she was ¡°angry¡± at me and narrows her eyes. She looks at me and causes me to shudder a little.


    ¡°Hey, Justine¡­I know you¡¯re not actually angry. Sooo¡­can you stop glaring at me? It¡¯s really unnerving. Especially when fire comes out of the corner of your eyes¡­Or should I sing for you again?¡±


    Immediately, she stops glaring at me and blushes slightly as she looks away. Heh, I have a new weapon against her. Awesome. This will be useful.


    ¡°Why did you provoke your interviewer, little one?¡± she finally asks.


    I sigh and begin to explain what happened. I start with my need to use the restroom and how Asshole ignored me completely. Then how he refused to answer any questions of mine despite my attempts at being friendly. Finally, I concluded with how he seemed envious and annoyed that Justine and I exchanged claims with one another.


    ¡°Honestly,¡± I say to my siblings, Sky and Justine, ¡°I think he wanted to claim you, Justine. That and the fact that a ¡®half-Elf¡¯ was able to probably drove him nuts. Oh and Volt, I told you that Justine was going to ¡®claim¡¯ me. Didn¡¯t know that was how they say dating though...claiming is a weird way to say dating.¡±


    Justine starts to tap her nose as she thinks. Huh, and I thought she couldn¡¯t get any prettier. We all watch her before she looks up and speaks.


    ¡°I will inform Captain Gram as well as the Defense Cabinet in Union City. The Elf¡¯s behavior is unacceptable.¡±


    ¡°Gram already confided Asshole into his quarters,¡± I add.


    ¡°Asshole? Linds, did you really completely forget his name and decided name him Asshole?¡± Volt asks me.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Well played.¡± We fist bump.


    Justine sighs as she massages the sides of her head. What? I didn¡¯t do anything¡­yet.


    ¡°I must be a fool to be attracted to you,¡± she sighs.


    ¡°Obviously,¡± both Volt and I state. I glare at Volt who grins at me. Jerk.


    ¡°I am reporting the Elf because of how he conducted his interview with me¡­¡±Justine trails off a bit at the end. I look at her closely. She seems¡­uncomfortable. Okay, what did Asshole do? I should kill the bastard. Only person that is allowed to torment Justine is me! Well, only mentally. And nothing abusive. Let¡¯s be clear on that. I just want to entertain myself and Justine is fun to tease.


    ¡°What did he do? Should I kill him? Cause I WAS tempted to shoot him in the face. Twice. Maybe I¡¯ll shoot him three times now.¡±


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    Justine smiles affectionately at me and grabs my hand. I squeeze it a little and wait for her to answer.


    ¡°He did not DO anything to me. If he tried, he would be in the medical ward now. It was his conduct. He was¡­too familiar with me.¡±


    ¡°Did he ask about your dating life?¡± Blake asks.


    ¡°Dating life? You mean if I had claimed anyone?¡± Justine asks to which Blake nods. ¡°Yes, he did. And when I told him I already exchanged claims with someone, he became overly aggressive and wanted to know who it was. Then he threatened to tell my family about this ¡®scandal.¡¯ It gave me a woody.¡±


    I choked a bit on my spit as I struggled not to laugh. Volt on the other hand was unable hold back his laughter. Seeing Volt laugh caused me to bust out laughing too. Justine looks at us in confusion while Blake smacks Volt upside his head and shoots me a death glare. This does nothing to stop our laughter though. Instead, it only intensifies it. Shaking her head, Blake whispers something to Justine, causing Justine to blush heavily for the¡­what, sixth time now?


    ¡°That is not!!! Willies! I mean willies!¡± Justine desperately cries out as she raises her hands in front of her. Unfortunately, this only causes the two of us to laugh even harder. People are looking strangely at us but honestly, Volt and I are laughing too hard to care. Oh Justine, you certainly make things interesting when you try to use Earth expressions. I need to remember to teach her more expressions. I anticipate a great number of interesting¡­alternatives. MUWAHAHAHAHA.


    ¡°Little one, if you do not stop laughing, I will not bake you anymore cookies.¡±


    I immediately stop laughing. That is a legit and a dangerous threat. I can deal with getting burned, smacked, drowned, but no cookies? No. HELL no. Justine is my only source for cookies and if she decides to stop baking them, well, I¡¯m fucking screwed. She holds the power now. Fuck. I hate relationships.


    Blake in the meantime whispers into Volt¡¯s ear, causing him to stop laughing, cough a bit and stares at me with a deadpan face. Blake probably is threatening to withhold sex or something. Damnit¡­girls are scary. They know our weaknesses all too well. I look at my brother and a mutual understanding passes between us as we both silently lament the fact that we essentially signed away our rights by agreeing to be in a relationship with these girls. Now, we just sit here in silence as I twiddle my thumbs. There¡¯s nothing to do. Can¡¯t go back to the rooms and my ¡°girlfriend¡± won¡¯t let me make fun of her anymore. Relationships suck. The perks I announced before? Not worth it.


    Speaking of sucking, I¡¯m hungry¡­but the kitchen is so far away¡­I¡¯m tired¡­I am going to put my head down on the table and pass out. I¡¯m getting bored.


    Suddenly, Justine gets up and walks away. Probably went to take a walk. I should take a walk too. Nah, that requires effort. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRED. I can¡¯t build my Tower of Awesomeness without materials. Maybe I can annoy Blake and Volt. Hmmm. I have a napkin. Let¡¯s tear this up and throw bits at them. No reaction. WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!?! Fuck this sucks.


    A few minutes later, Justine comes back with two trays of food. She places one in front of me. It has fries, a steak looking thing, something green and leafy, and what looks like chocolate pudding. I¡¯m confused. I didn¡¯t ask her to get me food.


    ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± I ask her.


    ¡°Lunch. You are hungry, are you not?¡±


    ¡°¡­I didn¡¯t say anything about being hungry.¡±


    ¡°You were staring at the kitchen and drooling like an imbecile. Eat before it gets cold,¡± Justine says as she taps my tray with her fork.


    Oh¡­she¡¯s¡­FUCKING AWESOME!!! I hug her but am nudged away immediately as she begins to eat. Touch¨¦. Food first then hugging. I approve. With a huge smile, I dig in. Damn the food is good. Okay, I take back what I said, relationships are awesome. As I¡¯m enjoying the food, a Beast comes over and sit next to us. He has a wild look in his eyes and is holding a pamphlet. I hope he''s not religious nuts hoping to convert us. I ignore him as I dig into the pudding¡­it is not chocolate. I feel tricked. It is¡­I actually have no idea what this is. It tastes like a mix of vanilla and tofu at the same time. Kind of nasty. I grab the cup it is in and stealthily place it on Justine¡¯s tray. She can have it. Justine see it and takes it without a second thought. Oh good, she likes it and isn¡¯t giving it back. And no wasted food. Wasted food is bad.


    ¡°Monsieur Lindsey, may I ask you something?¡± the Beast interrupts my train of thought. I glance over and see that it is the same shark-type Beast that forced me to serenade Justine in order to stop her from being ¡°angry¡± at me. I should be annoyed but he did kind of help guarantee the fact I am going to get laid tonight. I¡¯ll give him a pass. So far, all the Beasts I have met are pretty fucking awesome. He is no exception. He¡¯s pretty fucking awesome.


    ¡°Is it actually possible for me to stop you from asking a question? No, don¡¯t answer that. What¡¯s up?¡±


    ¡°Are you going to go to The Union City Annual Competitions tomorrow, monsieur?¡±


    ¡°The what now?¡±


    ¡°The Union City Annual Competitions. Union City hosts a tournament in the Colosseum every year I was wondering if you were going to go. There are a variety of events.¡±


    ¡°What kind of events?¡± Volt asks.


    ¡°There are a number of events. The most popular ones to watch are the obstacle course race, shooting competition, a combat tournament, and the best one, the warzone.¡± Sharkie says. Yes, that¡¯s right, I¡¯m naming him Sharkie.


    ¡°Warzone?¡± Volt¡¯s eyes seem to brighten at that.


    ¡°Teams of 3 ¨C 10 people face off against one another one at a time and try to eliminate each other in battle. Of course, nobody gets killed and the weapons are dulled. Guns are allowed since they provide the specialized guns that shoot colored pellets that will mark those who get hit.¡±


    Volt and I look at each other. Sounds like paintball but with other blunt weapons. I wonder if we can get in on this. Blake is breathing heavily. She may not look like it, but Blake is a paintball freak. She always signed us up for paintball tournaments whenever she finds them back home. Big, small, medium, it didn¡¯t matter. She fucking loves paintball. It¡¯s part of the reason why her choice of weapon is a rifle. She¡¯s an excellent shot. She may not have joined the military like Volt and I did but she may outclass us in terms of accuracy and skill with a gun.


    ¡°Hey Sharkie,¡± I nudge the Beast, ¡°Can we join in on that ¡®warzone¡¯ tournament?¡±


    ¡°Yes, monsieur! That is why I asked! I knew you would want to join in! You can actually participate in any of the tournaments! For the warzone competition, you need a team of at least 3. I was hoping you would participate and win us some credits!¡±


    ¡°You know we do not have the ability to control the elements like you Erdians do, right?¡±


    ¡°That is fine. Some people choose not to use the elements at all when they compete. Others use it exclusively. Nobody will bat an eye if you don¡¯t use the elements.¡±


    ¡°Perfect. Help me sign up the three of us, what are we? Half-Elves? Actually, Justine, what do you guys classify us as?¡±


    Oh, I should probably mention here that pretty much the entire ship here knows and has sworn to keep secret that the three humans are aliens. Hence, why I am so nonchalant about talking about my particular situation in front of Sharkie. Of course, only Jacque knows that I am the ¡°Creator of the Contagion Swarm.¡±


    ¡°Other,¡± Justine simply states. Figures. Well, works for me.


    ¡°Okay, Sharkie, what are the prizes? Do we win anything?¡±


    ¡°Well, three of the events I mentioned are individual events. You win around 10,000 credits for first place for each event. That of course depends on the number of participants. The warzone, well, that one is special,¡± he smiles a very toothy grin. Holy shit his teeth are sharp. And he has a lot of them. I wonder if he flosses. ¡°The warzone, you can win as much as 20,000,000 credits.¡±


    I whistle. That¡¯s a lot of credits. Well, it sounds like a lot. I actually don¡¯t know how much counts as a lot. But, that is enough to pay back Justine. And with interest if we win the other three events.


    ¡°So if we win this warzone thingy, we can pay off the debt to Clan Gustof!¡±


    ¡°You will participate then, monsieur?!¡± Sharkie is literally shaking with excitement.


    ¡°Yup. Sounds like it will be fun. We probably won¡¯t win but I want to see how we do. You want to be our guide then?¡±


    ¡°Of course! I will inform the rest of the crew! Everyone was hoping you will join in the Warzone competition! We want to see how you hoomuns would fight in war. There are several who will be competing as well so you may go up against them. Just remember to go to the Colosseum today to sign up! Here, you will need to fill this out and hand it to an official! It also has the rules of each event written on there.¡± He thrusts the pamphlet into my hands and runs away to tell everyone our plans.


    Sharkie is totally counting on us winning. He may have tried to disguise it as saying he wants to see our tactics but it¡¯s kind of obvious. Well, let¡¯s hope that we can win. Honestly, I doubt we would even make it past the first round. A nationwide tournament? Yeah, we may be aliens and all but we¡¯re not gods and unbeatable or anything.


    I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders as Justine rests her chin on my head. ¡°Little one? You¡¯re not planning on winning every event are you? The athletes train their entire lives for this competition. My oldest brother is considered one of the best warriors in the world has only won the combat event once in his lifetime. All the other competitions, he never came close to winning.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s that hard, huh? He¡¯s a better fighter than you?¡±


    ¡°Yes, he is far better than me. He is 157 years old. He started competing when he was 18. He only won last year.¡±


    ¡°Interesting¡­I didn¡¯t actually plan to win. It was a minor hope to get out of debt with your clan. But, this¡­competition thingymajig sounds like it¡¯ll be fun. I just need to read the rules and¡­¡± I trail off as I read the rules for the individual events. A huge smile appears on my face.


    ¡°Dumbass, why are you smiling like an idiot?¡± Justine inquires. I gently place my hand on top of hers as I turn my head to face her.


    ¡°I believe that I will be able to win one or more of the events without breaking a sweat.¡±


    Justine laughs sweetly as she kisses me. ¡°If you say so, little one.¡±


    This is going to be fun, if it works. Hehehehehe.


    Oh shit, that was an evil laugh wasn¡¯t it? Yeah, totally an evil laugh. Oh well.


    Hehehehehehehe.

 Chapter 22 – Animals Are Awesome

    ¡°This is the Hendiburg requesting permission to land,¡± an officer on the bridge says into her radio headset.


    We are finally free! The last Beast had finally returned and immediately, there was a loud cheer as Jacque informed everyone to get ready to enter Union City. All the Beasts immediately went about to their duties to prepare the Hendiburg for takeoff from the field we were in and to prepare for landing again but this time in Union City.


    I¡¯m currently standing on the upper level of the bridge with Jacque and everyone. Everyone as in my two siblings and my...girlfriend. Wow, that is weird to say. Girlfriend. A gorgeous girlfriend. A gorgeous, purple girlfriend. I wonder if she gets enough oxygen. Maybe that is why Daemons are purple. Oh my girlfriend gave me some more cookies earlier. I think I will save a few this time after eating two of them. Sky is in its usual spot on Blake¡¯s shoulder¡­I miss having Sky on my shoulder. I need a pet. Just saying.


    ¡°Hendiburg, this is the Union City Air Defense Force. Permission granted. Proceed to Dock 621. Welcome to Union City.¡±


    ¡°Thank you. Proceeding to Dock 621.¡±


    The zeppelin shifts as the bridge officers make the necessary adjustments. I look out the window and there are flying animals. Upon closer inspections, they look like¡­DRAGONS?!?! They¡¯re really small though. Like the size of a parrot. But, yeah, those are totally dragon looking. Maybe wyverns? What the fuck are they? I run up to one of the windows to get a closer look. I¡¯m literally jumping up and down like a little kid. Holy shit these things look cool. They vary in colors from red to blue to green and yellow. Actually, just imagine the colors of the rainbow. Those are the colors that are being displayed. Their skills seem to sparkle and they have leather like wings. If I look very closely though, they also have some feathers in between some of their scales. Huh. Interesting. There are a lot of them. I wonder if they can breathe fire¡­


    Okay, I decided. I¡¯m making one of those my pets. How coincidental that I just decided that I needed a pet and BAM, here comes some dragon/wyvern like creatures in my view. Oh man, I want one so badly. They look so cool. If they are wild animals, then I will tame one and make it my friend. I will be the first and only human to have a pet dragon. Take that fuckers back home. Lindsey Shin will have a pet dragon. It has been decided.


    ¡°Dumbass,¡± I hear a honey soaked, British voice speak from behind me. ¡°why are you bouncing?¡±


    ¡°What are those?!?!¡± I point excitedly at the flying lizards as I continue to bounce up and down. I¡¯m excited, let me bounce, bitch.


    Justine looks at the creatures and smiles. ¡°We call them lizziles. They are very friendly and are known to dance around ships so long as the Swarm is not nearby. It is believed that if a blimp encounters a pack, the members of the ship will be blessed with good fortune for a time.¡±


    ¡°Is it possible to have one as a pet?!?!¡±


    Justine eyes narrow at me. Uh oh. Is that taboo?


    ¡°¡­Lindsey, you should not ask around regarding this¡­to anyone. It is¡­a delicate topic. Please. Promise me.¡±


    Damn. That¡¯s not a good sign. And it doesn¡¯t seem like she will give me a straight answer if I press her. And she is diligently requesting I not talk about this anymore. Fine.


    ¡°Alright, fine. I¡¯ll contain my curiosity,¡± I sigh dejectedly as I turn away from her and continue to watch the lizziles play and taunt me. Well, they¡¯re not trying to taunt me but it sure feels like they are saying ¡°Look Lindsey! We¡¯re here and you can¡¯t be our friend! HAHAHAHA SUCKER!!¡±


    Justine hugs me from behind as she leans down to whisper in my ear, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°But at least answer me this, do people have pets?¡± I ask as I place a hand over hers.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Sweet. Then there is hope yet. WHOA!!!! WHAT THE HELL?! THAT IS AWESOME!!!¡±


    At that moment, one of the red lizziles opens its mouth and a jet of red fire shoots out of it. I break loose from Justine¡¯s embrace and run to the railings of the platform I am on. I watch the other lizziles start to shoot flames as well. Each lizziles¡¯ flames seem to correspond with the colors of their scales. Noooooooooooooooooo¡­you guys just make me want to be your friend even more now!!! DON¡¯T TORMENT ME LIKE THIS!!!! I HATE THIS PLANET!!!!


    The fires seem to be a dance in the air as the lizziles twist and turn between the flames and create extraordinary spectacles with their flying. Some lizziles will shoot a ring of fire in front of them which other lizziles will fly through, twisting as they dance in the air. A group begin to fly in loop-de-loops as they shoot fire. It really is an amazing sight.


    I suddenly notice that there is complete silence on the bridge except for the sound of a low hum of the engines in the distance. All chatter has stopped as everyone on the bridge watch the lizziles play in the sky with each other. It makes me wish I could go out there and fly with them. But as always eventually, all good things come to an end as the lizziles leave the area one by one, allowing everyone to focus on the task at hand and land the blimp.


    We slowly descend into the airfield and eventually the zeppelin shakes a bit with a rumble as we touch down on the ground. I glance over and Jacque nods at Justine and me before walking down from the upper level of the bridge. I follow him as does everyone else in my party. We are about to be the first humans to enter a major city on an alien planet! This is history in the making, not that anyone would know about it. Oh well, I¡¯m beyond excited! So screw history! I¡¯m going to see a bunch of aliens, maybe eat some alien food, visit an alien brothel and enjoy so alien comp¡­


    SMACK


    ¡°WHAT THE HELL JUSTINE?!?!¡±


    She didn¡¯t just read my mind just now did she? No way. She can only tell when I am lying. There is no way she could have read my mind. I must have done something to give it away. Oh shit, she¡¯s glaring at me now. Please say that you hit me by accident. Please please please¡­


    ¡°You were smiling like you just thought of something perverted.¡±


    Shit. I¡¯m so fucked. Maybe she will let me lie this one time. Come on, give me an out, you scary purple alien beauty. Give your handsome, Asian human boyfriend an out.


    ¡°No! I wasn¡¯t! I swe¡­OW!! OKAY!! OKAY!! Damnit...stop hitting me!!¡±


    ¡°You remember I can tell when you lie, do you not?¡±


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°What were you thinking about?¡±


    Fine. Be that way. I¡¯m going to have some fun with this now. Sheesh. So controlling. Relationships are complicated¡­


    ¡°Boobs.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Justine stops moving and stares at me in disbelief. Heh. I should keep going.


    ¡°And vaginas.¡±


    ¡°¡­¡± Her eyes are starting to narrow as she glares at me.


    ¡°You asked,¡± I state in a deadpan voice.


    ¡°¡­¡±


    ¡°Want me to go into detail? You don¡¯t have anything to worry about though. I love yours best. You have the best boobs and a real tight va¡­¡±


    ¡°Silence. I regret asking,¡± Justine interrupts as she raises a hand. Hahaha, she¡¯s blushing again! That was fun.


    ¡°Awww, don¡¯t be like that! I¡¯m adorable!¡±


    ¡°I claimed an idiot¡­¡± Justine mumbles to herself as she walks pass me, shaking her head. I wonder if I should be worried. We barely started dating, well, we only just had sex and ¡°claimed¡± one another the night before and she is already having regrets¡­meh. Whatever. I¡¯m not too concerned about it.


    As if she read my thoughts, Justine pauses and slips an arm around mine and leads me the main cabin where people have already started to gather. Well, guess I don¡¯t have to worry. It¡¯s weird, I actually am digging this relationship thing and would hate to lose Justine. Damn, didn¡¯t see that coming at all. Well, let¡¯s just focus on getting to that fucking Colosseum. I look around the main cabin and I see the Sharkie from earlier waving excitedly at us.


    ¡°Sir! Sir! Over here!¡±


    I wave back and make my way towards him. As we approach, he points towards the entrance and smiles that creepy, toothy grin of his. Okay, that was mean. It isn¡¯t creepy. It is normal. It¡¯s just weird seeing a shark smile at you and not try to tear off a chuck of your flesh. But that was back on Earth where sharks are not walking, talking Beasts. This is Erde where the sharks can talk and be your friend. Honestly, I¡¯m a bit fond of Sharkie, mostly because I dubbed him Sharkie out loud and he didn¡¯t even blink. Good guy.


    ¡°We just have to catch a ride on the carriages outside. They should be able to take us directly to the Colosseum. Have you filled out your application already sir?¡±


    ¡°Yup. Question though, this entrance fee¡­I have no money.¡±


    ¡°I see¡­¡± Sharkie looks nervous. Heh. Don¡¯t worry Sharkie. I have a loan shark on my side. Heh. Loan shark. I look at Justine who is smiling like a kid on Christmas morning. Never a good sign.


    ¡°My dear boyfriend, we will add it to your debt. I am eager to see how you fare in the Competitions.¡± Told you. When Justine smiles like something good is about to happen, it will most likely be at my expense. What a terrible girlfriend.


    ¡°Just so you are aware, you guys really shouldn¡¯t get your hopes up on us winning. We¡¯re not gods or anything.¡±


    Sharkie shakes his head a little too enthusiastically at this. ¡°No sir! Those of us who plan to bet on you merely believe you will fare well enough but we don¡¯t expect you to win. Just make it past the first few rounds!¡±


    Well that¡¯s good. I really don¡¯t like being put on some kind of pedestal or anything. Honestly, I rather not stand out too much. Volt on the other hand seems unperturbed by this statement and retains a stone faced expression. What a robot. Blake seems¡­excited for some reason. Oh well. We are in it to have fun. And apparently, add to my debt. Fuck.


    We head outside and immediately I see these weird¡­animals pulling carts. They look like raptors but they are covered in fur. No, strike that. They ARE raptors covered in fur. They stand about 12 feet tall and their tail is about 4 feet long. They look strong. And they are¡­barking? What the hell? I start to approach one but am immediately pulled back by Justine.


    ¡°Dumbass, it is foolish to approach a chichi without their owners making introductions.¡±


    ¡°Say what? And those are called chichis?¡± Cute name for something that could probably tear off my head.


    ¡°Yes. Chichi. They are very aggressive and love their personal space. If you try to approach them, they will attack you without fail. But if you have their owner bring you to them, they will accept you as a friend and allow you to approach. But ONLY when the owner is with you.¡±


    ¡°Huh¡­Challenge accepted.¡±


    ¡°What do you me¡­ LINDSEY!! STOP!!!¡±


    I break out into a full sprint towards two of the tied up chichis. I love animals. I always try to make friends with domesticated animals. Not with wild animals though. That¡¯s stupid. Well, unless I am trying to domesticate a wild animal. But that is also stupid. Doable, but stupid. Done it in the past through trial and error. This will be good practice when I attempt to convince a lizzile to be my buddy. I bet I could be friends with the lizziles and these chichis will help me practice my skills.


    The chichis start to scream at my approach and strain on their harnesses to attack me. Good start, Lindsey. You have confirmed that chichis so far dislike you. On to the next step. Stopping just out of reach, I raise my hands and start to talk to them softly.


    ¡°Chichis huh? Cute name. You guys are beautiful! I wonder if I would be able to mount you and use you a steed in battle. Probably. I bet you would be amazing on the battlefield. Hey, have you guys ever had Justine¡¯s cookies? Probably not since she only just started making them what, three days ago? Here, catch!¡±


    The chichis are still screaming causing the owner to run towards me in a panic. I wonder if he is afraid I will be killed or if the chichis will hurt themselves. I toss a cookie that I had gotten from Justine at both of chichis. Yes, I didn''t devour them all right away. I have self-control. The chichis catch the cookies in their mouths and stop screaming. To everyone¡¯s surprise including myself actually, the chichis lower their heads at me and try to sniff out more cookies. Smiling, I pull out two more cookies, my last two that is and I present them. They gingerly sniff the cookies before eating them right out of my hands.


    I try to pet them and SUCCESS!They are ridiculously soft!!! Holy crap! I stroke their heads and walk around them, keeping a hand on contact with them the entire time. Yup, they are ridiculously muscular. Very strong legs, a tail made of out pure muscle, like a cat almost. The front forelegs may be short but the claws are wicked sharp. Amazing creatures.


    I look back at my group and Justine, Sharkie and a bunch of other people are watching me in disbelief. The owner, a female Elf with long blue hair standing at around 5 feet and 9 inches approaches us with her hand raised. The chichis greet her affectionately as they lower their heads to rub against her. Almost sounds like they are purring. Huh. Go figure. Bark like a dog and purr like a cat. Interesting.


    The Elf looks at me curiously. ¡°How did you do that?¡±


    ¡°I gave them food. Animals instinctively will know who is a threat and who is a friend. Right now, they perceive me as a non-threat. They¡¯re nowhere as close to me as they are with you.¡±


    ¡°But this shouldn¡¯t be possible!¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°We have never seen chichis be so¡­accepting of others besides those who they imprint on!¡±


    ¡°Has anyone ever tried?¡±


    ¡°Yes! Wait¡­no! I don¡¯t know!¡±


    I smile. Figures. ¡°Well, there you go. Justine! I ran out of cookies! Can you make more later?¡±


    Justine from a bit of a distance away merely looks at me. What? Do I have something on my face? Or are you shocked that I have no more cookies? Or is it because I am petting a chichi that I approached without an introduction from the owner? Heh. This alien you¡¯re dating is full of surprises! Oh and he is modest too. Just saying.


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    The owner turns away and beckons the rest of the group over. Now, I¡¯m distracted again by the nudging of the chichis as they try to look for more food on me. Sorry guys. No more food. You ate the last ones I had on me. Justine and Sharkie are negotiating the price of transportation for all of us to the Colosseum. I guess haggling is the norm here. Before I know it, we¡¯re all piled into the cart comfortably.


    The cart is an open one with three rows of benches minus the driver seat. Justine and I are sitting in the back while my siblings are sitting in front of me. Sharkie is sitting directly behind the Elf and chatting away with her. That one sure can talk. The Elf cracks her whip and off we go. Man, these chichis can run fast! We must be going 40 miles per hour and the chichis look like they could go faster. I see signs up ahead and there is a number on them. I didn¡¯t get a good look but I would bet that was their speed limit. I wonder how fast chichis can run.


    We make it to the paved highway where other carts are being pulled by a various number of chichis. It¡¯s kind of strange to see. Instead of cars, there are carts and wagons being pulled by chichis. Some carts have roofs and others are like ours. Some carts only have enough room for the driver and one passenger and some have the driver bench and one more bench behind them. The vehicles are all made out of metal or something and are varied in colors. The cart we are riding in is red with a sign on the sides that reads, ¡°CAB¡± in big green letters.


    Blake glances around taps on Sharkie¡¯s shoulder. ¡°How fast can chichis run and for how long?¡±


    Sharkies ponders this for a bit before the Elf speaks up without turning around. ¡°Chichis can run for about 60 miles nonstop at full sprint. They can reach a destination 60 miles away in one hour.¡±


    So by that logic, looks like chichis can go 60 miles per hour for 60 miles. Sweet. Blake starts asking more questions about the chichis but honestly, I stopped paying attention since I am starting to feel weary. Man I want to lie down. The suns are still up and it¡¯s really hot. Must be what, 95 degrees out? At least the air is dry. If it was humid and this hot, holy balls I would be sweating like hell and get dehydrated fast. But still, I¡¯m hot and I¡¯m tired. Pretty soon, my eyes start closing and I find myself drifting away. You know what? I¡¯m going to take a mini nap now. I¡¯ll just lower and bow my head to sleep. Yes, I can sleep in this position. It isn¡¯t hard. Tired¡­Wake me when we reach the Colosseum.


    .


    .


    .


    .


    I wake up to something petting my head. Well, it¡¯s more like someone is running their fingers through my hair. It feels nice. Wait, am I lying down? I am. What¡¯s this soft thing I¡¯m lying on and drooling all over? Oh¡­shit. I hope she won¡¯t be mad when I get up. I¡¯m pretty sure I just stained my girlfriend¡¯s pants with my saliva. Uhhh¡­I¡¯ll pretend to stay asleep. And keep petting me, Justine. It feels nice. I am very comfortable right now.


    ¡°Stop pretending to stay asleep, little one.¡±


    Damn. How can she know me so well? She only met me three days ago! There is no way she can know me this well¡­ridiculous.


    ¡°Are we there yet? Cause I¡¯m very comfortable right now.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Get up.¡±


    Groaning, I move but not to get up. Instead, I wrap an arm around Justine¡¯s waist and bury my head closer to her stomach. My face is literally facing her stomach now. I¡¯m very glad she¡¯s wearing a shirt instead of her armor; that would have been very uncomfortable. Justine is surprisingly soft for someone who is so strong and physically toned.


    Justine silently laughs as she continues to pet my hair. ¡°Get up, little one. You will miss the deadline to sign up for the competitions. If you want to remain here and drool on me, I do not mind if you buy me new pants later. Your siblings have already left with Francois.¡±


    ¡°Fine. I¡¯m getting up,¡± I sigh as I sit up. Weird. We are not in the cart. Where the fuck are we? I¡¯m sitting on a bench outside of a gigantic stadium looking thing. Actually, it looks like ten stadiums merged together. It is fucking huge. Just from sitting here on the outside, it looks like it could fit over a million people. There are TV monitors plastered all along the stadium. Huge monitors. You could probably see what¡¯s on the monitors a couple miles away. Wow.


    I stand up and stretch. A few of my bones crack from the stiffness. Damn that feels good. I smile brightly and extend a hand to Justine which she accepts and stands up. As we start walking towards the stadium, I look at her leg and I see a wet stain on her thigh. Oops.


    ¡°Sorry about drooling on you, small tits.¡±


    ¡°It is fine. You will buy me new pants later.¡±


    ¡°Justine, I don¡¯t have money.¡±


    ¡°Volt left you 200 credits from the 500 credits you won yesterday,¡± Justine says as she hands me two coins the size of an American half dollar coin. Huh. Interesting choice of currency. Coins. I think these are metal. Not sure what though. Speaking of money¡­


    ¡°Will this be enough to get you a pair of pants? And why the hell did Volt take more than half of my money?!?!¡±


    ¡°Blake confiscated it from your brother when she found out you fought against Jacque and me. And also because you two gambled needlessly. And yes, you will be able to buy me a pair of pants. It will not be anything fancy but it will have to do.¡±


    ¡°¡­Fucking Blake. And fuck you for making me buy you clothes. You¡¯re more trouble than you¡¯re worth.¡±


    Justine squeezes my hand, painfully. ¡°You ruined a pair of my pants. Take responsibility, dumbass.¡±


    ¡°Ow¡­fine. Stop squeezing, small tits. Hey, before I forget, how did we end up on that bench?¡±


    Justine smiles sweetly at me as she opens the door to the stadium and walks inside. ¡°I carried you. Like a baby.¡±


    I enter the stadium and glare at her. ¡°Why did you just wake me up?¡±


    ¡°You looked adorable.¡±


    ¡°I hate you, you flat chested bitch.¡±


    She flicks a tiny flame at my forehead. Ow¡­that stung a little.


    ¡°Lie. You know better than to lie to me, little baby princess,¡± Justine snickers at me. Fucking bitch.


    ¡°If we are going to date, you need to stop shooting shit at me and hurting me,¡± I say as I massage my forehead.


    ¡°Stop lying to me and I will stop doling out punishments.¡±


    ¡°Why do I need to be punished in the first place! I¡¯m a grown man you fucking bitch!¡±


    ¡°You act like a child.¡±


    ¡°Touch¨¦. Oh and where is Jacque?¡±


    ¡°He summoned to the Beast Embassy. We will see him tomorrow.¡±


    As we get further inside the stadium, I tell Justine to lead the way as I honestly have no idea where we are going. Inside the stadium, I see cases of trophies and pictures of people doing athletic stuff. Most of the pictures portray warriors in combat or people jumping over some sort of weird obstacles. I see some people shooting at each other in some pictures. Eventually, Justine leads me to the stadium¡¯s arena. It is an open space with no roof. This is absolutely amazing. I bet you can fit 8 football fields in here.


    The arena is littered with Erdians of all races and tents. There must be hundreds of people signing up for various events. In the middle of the field, I see a gigantic billboard. As I look at it, I see that it is a display of what events are available and how many people have signed up to compete. There¡¯s a lot more people than I expected. Let¡¯s take a look at the events, shall we?


    1.Warzone Fight ¨C 251 teams


    2.Obstacle Course ¨C 1,108 participants


    3.Shooting Challenge ¨C 755 participants


    4.Combat Tournament ¨C 122 participants


    5.Foot Race ¨C 647 participants


    6.Strength Challenge ¨C 86 participants


    I wonder how they keep things organized. There are 6 different competitions and way too many participants for me to really care about. I look around to see if I can spot my siblings. Nope. Impossible. Too many people. No idea how I am supposed to sign us up for the Warzone. I am pretty sure we all need to be present in order to register.


    Justine lets go of my hand and reaches into her back pocket. She pulls out a phone looking thing and conjures a bit of wind into it.


    ¡°Francois. I am here with Lindsey. Where are you?¡± Justine says into the phone.


    ¡°By the pillar of events, Your Highness. Meet us here and we can register the hoomuns,¡± I hear Sharkie¡¯s voice say back a few seconds later. Huh, his name is Francois. Guess Beasts are all French? Cool.


    ¡°Very well. And Francois, please refrain from calling them humans. They are known as half-Elves and half-Daimons.¡±


    ¡°Roger. Apologizes, Your Highness.¡±


    We start to make our way to the pillar and soon meet up with my siblings and Sharkie. Sky is nowhere to be seen. I look around before giving Blake a puzzled look.


    ¡°Sis, where is Sky?¡±


    ¡°Exploring the city. I told it to stay hidden. I¡¯m not sure how it would be perceived since it does not look like a true animal.¡±


    ¡°Good call sis.¡±


    Sharkie leads us to a nearby tent with the least amount of people waiting. We get in line and start waiting. And waiting. And more waiting. Oh and now we...wait some more. OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED!!! I start bouncing in impatience. I can¡¯t stand this¡­heh, stand this. I have been standing for hours now. Getting bored¡­I¡¯ll start poking Volt. Poke. Poke poke. Poke poke poke. Poke.


    ¡°Damnit Lindsey! Stop poking me!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯M BORED!!!!¡±


    ¡°Hun, we have only been here for 5 minutes¡­¡± Blake sighs as she lightly grabs Volt to prevent him from punching me.


    ¡°I¡¯M BORED!!!!¡±


    ¡°Little one,¡± Justine calls out to me as she hands me something. ¡°Take this.¡±


    It is a hammer looking thing with a ball attached to it with a string. Holy shit! It¡¯s a kendama! This is so Japanese. I beam brightly at Justine as I accept the kendama and start playing with it, trying to catch the ball on the spike. It is really hard but highly entertaining. Wait, something just occurred to me.


    ¡°Hey small boobs, where were you keeping this?¡±


    ¡°In my bag.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°It is a memento from my childhood. I bring it with me everywhere for good luck.¡±


    ¡°Oh. How convenient.¡±


    I continue playing with the kendama as waited in line. It¡¯s very entertaining. Swing, try to catch the ball, fail, repeat. I know I can get this. Okay, one more try! DAMN! AGAIN! FUCK! AGAIN! GOD DAMNIT! AGAIN!!! FUCK YOU BALL!!! LAND ON THE SPIKE AND BE IMPALED!!! AG..


    ¡°How may I help you?¡±


    Oh, it¡¯s our turn. Sweet. Okay, you guys take care of this while I keep playing the kendama. I throw the ball again but this time, Justine catches the ball midair and takes my toy away from me. I pout at her and extend my hands to get the toy back but she merely smiles and leans down to give me a light kiss on the cheek.


    ¡°You should pay attention, shorty.¡±


    I stick my tongue out at her and reluctantly turn to the official who happens to be a Daimon. Albino, just like the other one whose name I have already forgotten. Completely white. Even the hair is white. I think this one is a female. She¡¯s very pretty. Like, holy shit pretty. Wow¡­but compared to the purple lady, Justine wins by a landslide. And I¡¯m not saying that because she is mine but because it is actually true. I mean, this Daimon could very well be a model and all, but Justine is a goddess amongst models. I REALLY hit the jackpot.


    ¡°We would like to sign up as a team for the Warzone Fight,¡± Volt says.


    ¡°Very well. All 5 of you?¡±


    ¡°No, just the three of us,¡± Blake says pointing at the three humans.


    ¡°Do you have your forms completed?¡±


    Sharkie hands her the forms which she quickly glances over. ¡°I see that one of you also signed up for the Obstacle Course and the Combat Tournament. And one of you signed up for the Shooting Challenge. And one more signed up for only the Combat Tournament. Can you clarify who signed up for each events?¡±


    ¡°I signed up for the Obstacle Course and Combat Tournament. Blake here is signed up for the Shooting Challenge and Volt here is the one who decided to only sign up for the Combat Tournament.¡±


    ¡°I see. And your name, sir?¡±


    ¡°Cookies.¡±


    ¡°Pardon?¡±


    ¡°My name is Cookies.¡±


    SMACK


    Justine just smacked me upside my head. I deserved that. But I¡¯m sticking with Cookies. If everything goes according to plan, my name will be famous and cookies will be made throughout the entire planet! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I SHALL DROWN IN A SEA OF COOKIES!!!


    The official doesn¡¯t bat an eye as she writes in ¡°Kookies.¡± Meh. Close enough.


    ¡°Each event costs 20 credits per participant. The Warzone Fight will cost 100 credits per team member. Your total participation fee is 380 credits please.¡±


    She presents a screen which details out all the charges. Justine walks up and hands the Daimon a card. The Daimon takes the card and places it on the screen which scans the card for a few seconds. The Daimon hands back the card and faces us once more.


    ¡°Team name?¡± she asks.


    The three of us look at each other before I speak up. ¡°Xenos.¡±


    Hell yeah. We¡¯re aliens. Let¡¯s advertise it out in the open without actually advertising it. Hiding in plain sight. I¡¯m a fucking genius.


    Justine merely sighs in agitation as the official writes our team name and completes our registration.


    I can¡¯t wait until the Competitions start!

 Chapter 23 – It’s Fun To Mess With Idiots

    "Okay. Each of you place your hand on the screen here,¡± the Daimon instructs. I place my hand on the screen and it shines brightly as it scans my hand I assume. Volt and Blake do the same when it is their turn.


    ¡°Okay, you are all set. Here are your ID badges. Present them to the officials the day of your event. Your schedules are on the back of your ID badges. Do not lose your badges. If you do, you will have to pay a fee to get a replacement. Good luck in the Union City Annual Competitions,¡± the Daimon official hands the three of us blue cards with writing on them. I look at it and it reads as follows:


    Name: Lindsey ¡°Kookie¡± Shin


    Race: Other


    Age: 25


    Events: Obstacle Course, Combat Challenge, Warzone Battle


    Sponsor: Justine von Gustogh of Clan Gustof, 4<sup>th</sup> Princess of the Daemon Clans


    Hometown: Unknown


    ¡°Excuse me, madam?¡± I try to get the Daimon¡¯s attention. ¡°How did you know my actual name is Lindsey Shin?¡±


    ¡°Your sponsor told me,¡± she says flatly.


    I glare at Justine who merely smiles at me. Oh well, whatever. At least ¡°Kookie¡± is still on there. I look back at the ID Badge and I chuckle to myself at the hometown. I had told her that to see if the she would say anything. Guess not. She didn¡¯t care apparently. Well, I am officially not from anywhere. Unless there really is a city or village called ¡°Unknown.¡± I smile as I look through my schedule. From the looks of things, there are more events than just the 6 that were listed on the pillar. Damn. Wish I knew that. I would have like to participate in more events. But then, I would be further into debt with Clan Gustof. Not only that, Clan Gustof has one scary ass enforcer. To make matters worse, I¡¯m dating that enforcer. Someone remind me why I agreed to that? Just because she¡¯s pretty isn¡¯t worth all the abuse. Oh wait, now I remember; she has cookies. My only source of cookies on the fucking cookie-less planet.


    But cookies aside, I¡¯m eager to get this competition underway. I am eager to show off my ¡°skills.¡± I wonder how large the obstacle course is...Well, it doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯m going to have a lot of fun in that event and there is a chance my plan will work to allow me to win at least one race easily. Provided of course, the officials agree with what I do. There is obviously a chance that they will just disqualify me, but I think I can sweet talk my way to victory. Or maybe, I won¡¯t have to sweet talk my way. Maybe I will be able to just win. Hehehe.


    ¡°Linds, you¡¯re doing your quiet creepy laugh. What did you do?¡± Volt asks me suspiciously.


    ¡°Nothing,¡± I reply. ¡°Yet.¡±


    I get a look from Blake. Clearly they don¡¯t believe me. Justine would but she isn¡¯t paying any attention. She¡¯s busy talking to Sharkie for some reason. Damnit. The one time I need her bullshit detector to work and she isn¡¯t next to me. That useless bitch.


    ¡°Hun, what did you do?¡±


    ¡°Nothing!¡± I declare throwing my hands up to feign my helplessness. ¡°I swear! I didn¡¯t do anything!!! Yet¡­¡±


    Blake sighs at this and shakes her head. Volt rolls his eyes and reads his badge. ¡°Looks like we have a few days before the Combat Challenge and a week before the Warzone. Blake is doing the Rifle Challenge tomorrow. When is your Obstacle Course?¡±


    ¡°No idea.¡±


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t it say on the ID badge?¡±


    ¡°Maybe. But I didn¡¯t read the schedule yet.¡±


    ¡°¡­READ THE DAMN SCHEDULE, LINDSEY!!¡±


    ¡°Okay. Okay. Sheesh¡­ Looks like I will be competing after Blake but before our Combat Challenge. Hey Volt, why didn¡¯t you sign up for the Rifle Challenge as well? I would have thought a gun nut like you would want to compete in that.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t feel like it. Plus, we can¡¯t keep adding to the debt to Clan Gustof.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough.¡±


    Justine at this point has come over and grabbed me suddenly. I glance at her and she has a wild look in her eyes. Huh. Interesting. Something has spooked her, or she is pissed at me for some reason. Is it because I told the official my hometown is ¡°Unknown¡±? Or did she catch me looking the official up and down? I mean, that official was also quite pretty, and Justine is the jealous type after all. Before I could ask her what is up, she starts to pull me in a hurry and towards the nearest door. I look behind me and I see Sharkie is quickly following. Okay. So, either they saw someone they don¡¯t like or I¡¯m about to have some freaky threesome with two aliens. One of which is a shark. I hope it isn¡¯t the latter.If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Blake and Volt see this happening and wisely decide to follow us. Once we enter the room that turns out to be a supply closet, Justine closes the door but leaves a crack open to peak out of. Sharkie has his hands hovering near his knife. Seeing this, Volt has one hand near his pistol while Blake swings her rifle around to in front of her. I am not digging this seriousness. What could possibly be causing this kind of tension?


    ¡°Justine,¡± I say, ¡°What is going on?¡±


    ¡°Francois and I think we saw that Elf from our interviews,¡± she explains.


    ¡°You mean Asshole?¡± I ask.


    ¡°Yes. Lieutenant Alex Pamish. I did not want to run into him again. Especially since he is with his friends this time.¡±


    ¡°Oh is that all?¡± I smile.


    Volt at this moment smiles as well while Blake face palms. I think they both know exactly what I plan to do. What¡¯s even better is that I will have Volt to back me up this time.


    ¡°So, brother of mine. Shall we?¡±


    ¡°Oh hell yes, brother of mine.¡±


    I do a little jump to kiss Justine on the cheek. What? I¡¯m short. I am barely up to her chin on my tiptoes. Volt opens the door and bows to let me through first.


    ¡°Why thank you!¡± I sarcastically say.


    ¡°Ladies first!¡±


    ¡°Wait what are you two¡­¡± Justine starts to ask but I ignore her and run out of the room. I quickly spot the green haired Elf who is presently surrounded by four other Elves. All of them have green hair. Asshole is the shortest whereas the other Elves are all around 5 feet ten inches. Two males and two females. They are all armed with nunchucks and pistols. If I have to venture a guess, I¡¯m going to say they are all siblings. I bet you that Alex is the oldest. This is how the stories always go. The one with the Napoleon complex is always the leader and the oldest and the biggest douchebag.


    It looks like they have just completed their registrations since I can see them looking at blue cards. Good. I don¡¯t have to feel guilty for involving some innocent official. Oh man this will be fun.


    ¡°Asshole! Hey Asshole! Over here, Asshole!¡± I run towards the green haired group while waving my arms wildly.


    Asshole looks up from his card, sees me, and scowls. ¡°You.¡±


    ¡°Holy shit,¡± I beam at him, ¡°you actually responded to ¡®Asshole¡¯! Is that not a word in Union City?¡±


    ¡°What do you want?¡± he asks while crossing his arms. I can see one hand twitching towards his nunchucks. Well, better than the pistol.


    ¡°Can¡¯t I say ¡®Hi¡¯ to a friend?¡±


    ¡°We are NOT friends, half-breed.¡±


    ¡°Sure we are! Look, here comes my brother! Volt, this is Asshole! He¡¯s the one who interviewed me and even let me pee in front of him!¡±


    At this, Asshole looks even more pissed (heh, pissed), while his group looks both confused and shocked.


    ¡°Elder Alex, what does he mean?¡± one of the female Elves asks.


    ¡°Noth¡­¡±


    ¡°OH I had to pee!¡± I interrupt him. ¡°He let me take a piss on a tree outside of the ship and when I was done, I wiped my hands on him. He¡¯s such a sweetheart.¡±


    The group all stare at Asshole who is literally on fire now. He is staring death glares into me. I bet 20 credits he is going to swing his nunchucks at me. 20 cre¡­.oh here it comes. I duck ever so slightly and approach the female Elf who spoke.


    ¡°Hello there! Are you Asshole¡¯s little sister? What¡¯s your name?¡± I ask as I grab her hand and shakes it.


    ¡°YOU DARE SPEAK TO¡­¡± Asshole shouts at me but gets interrupted by Volt who grabs his hands.


    ¡°Asshole! I had wanted to meet you! Sorry if my hands feel a bit damp but I just pooped. Don¡¯t worry, the wetness isn¡¯t shit. I spat on my hands to clean them!¡± Volt happily explains as he winks at me. Well played, Volt.


    ¡°Miss, I still didn¡¯t get your name!¡± I gently say to the female Elf.


    ¡°DO NOT ANS¡­GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME, HALF-BREED!¡± Asshole starts to command before Volt pats Asshole on the cheek, distracting him.


    ¡°Um. I¡¯m Sarah. This is Emily, my older sister. Brett and Samuel here are younger twin brothers. Elder Alex, why did you...¡±


    ¡°A pleasure to meet you all!¡± I interrupt Sarah and proceed to shake hands with all of them. Asshole is now fully engaged with trying get out of death grip that Volt has on his hand. He looks like he is in pain. Yeah man, I know that feeling all too well. Volt has a vice grip.


    ¡°What events are you all participating in?¡± I ask them.


    Brett speaks up. ¡°Elder Alex signed us all up for the Wargame Battle. He says it is the only event worth participating in.¡±


    ¡°Great! I agree! Well, hopefully we will meet you on the battlefield then! Oh look, here comes my girlfriend!¡±


    At this, the group looks behind me and immediately bow. Justine waves at them.


    ¡°That is not necessary.¡±


    ¡°Apologies, Your Highness,¡± Samuel says. Looks like Asshole¡¯s family is at the very least, respectful. Asshole at this moment is still grimacing at Volt¡¯s grip but is trying to put up a brave face.


    ¡°Justine! Will you tell yo¡­¡± Asshole starts to practically scream.


    ¡°I did not give you permission to call me by name.¡±


    Asshole looks away, blushing. And still in pain. I nod at Volt who now releases his grip. We all can see Asshole trying very hard to not shake and fight the urge to massage his hand.


    ¡°Well, Asshole, it was a pleasure to see you again! Samuel, Brett, Emily, and Sarah. A pleasure to make your acquaintances,¡± I beam at them. I then reach at Justine with a hand and place it behind her head. I pull her down to my face and deeply kiss her, right in front of Asshole and company. At this, I hear a collective gasp and feel the temperature rise just ever so slightly. I bet he set his hair on fire. After I pull away from Justine, I look at the group one last time, smile, bow, and turn away. And for the bonus, I place my hand on Justine¡¯s butt and give it a little pat causing her to slightly jump. And at that, we walk away from the very confused group of green haired Elves and one very pissed (heh) off Elf. I look over at Justine¡¯s face which has a slight smile on it. Ahead of us, Blake is shaking her head and Sharkie is laughing his ass off. Volt and I fist bump (he did spit on his hands after all) as we all exit the stadium.