《[Short] behind your smile | 你的笑容 (COMPLETED ✓)》


 The Saddest People Smile The Brightest.

    The saddest people smile the brightest.


    It was only when I manifested my conscious into my best friend''s body that I realized the true meaning behind that quote.


    Irina has always been the outgoing, cheery girl. One could physically experience the subtle change in the air as she enters the classroom. Overflowing with positive energy, my bestie was probably the most optimistic person in school and was even nominated as ''life of the party'' by our class.


    But... why is it that I feel such emptiness...?


    This heavy feeling was best described as an utter hopelessness, the complete opposite of what I expected. I felt trapped. Alone. Isolated from others and being shackled bysomething.It felt as if I lost myself but I have no clue what was missing.


    Why does my heart feel so uneasy...?


    Hidden underneath these overwhelming waves of emotions, there was bitterness. A brooding mixture of resentment and disappointment. As if the world was forcing me to act a certain way, which was completely false to how this body truly felt.


    I feel so numb.


    These endless streams of negativity kept pummeling against my brain while constantly drowning me into the cold depths of the void. And in this perpetual darkness, was a psychological hell where happiness ceases to exist.


    I don''t understand.


    I don''t understand why you feel this way...


    As I resurfaced back into my body, Irina leaned in while her lips curled into a beaming smile. It was her signature smile¡ª onethat could easily brighten anyone''s day. However, I immediately averted my gaze from the cheery girl.


    "Jan, how did it feel to beme?"


    "Different."


    I took a deep breath and regained my composure. After experiencing that emotional intensity, my feelings felt somewhat out of touch.


    "You pestered me for the past few weeks and now all you have is this blank look on your face, how anti-climatic~" Irina imitated my facial expression and spoke in a deep voice. "I''m Jan and I look like a dummy."If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    I shrugged, still focused on solving the mystery behind her feelings. And that was when Irina poked my cheeks repeatedly, bringing me back to the present.


    "Oi oi, don''t forget about your promise, this manifestation is going to cost you that delicious Supreme Deluxe Premium Sundae. Say goodbye to your thirty dollars kiddo."


    Her mouth began to drool uncontrollably, probably thinking about devouring the ultimate dessert any sweet-tooth could ask for in this town.


    "Um."


    How should I phrase it?


    After recollecting those thoughts to the best of my ability, I mustered the courage and asked:


    "Why is it¡ª"


    Irina interrupted me midway, shushing me by pressing her index finger on my lips. Her fingers felt warm despite the frigid feelings she had contained inside her. With a playful wink, she said:


    "I''m too hungry right now. Dessert first, talk later."


    I paused then nodded. Besides, a classroom was definitely not a good place to talk about this.


    "Alright, Irina."


    "I''ll meet you at the front entrance after school, don''t be late okay~"


    She left the classroom before I could say anything.


    For some reason, it felt like Irina purposely interrupted me. That was because if I were to finish that question, it could potentially destroy our friendship.


    What should I do...?


    I am afraid that we won''t be the same after.


    Irina, what do you want me to do?


    Memories of the past seeped into my mind. Back in middle school, I was ridiculed by my peers. I thought my manifestation ability was ubiquitous, that everyone could experience life from other person''s perspective. After sharing my power with my classmates, they initially thought it was a joke. But after recognizing how zealous I was into my roleplay, I gradually became an outcast.


    "Don''t talk to him, Jan''s those weirdos that can''t distinguish fantasy from reality."


    "Oooooh! Watch out. he''s a ghost and he will possess you. Ooooh!"


    "And you wonder why Jan doesn''t have any friends."


    "Grow up already, this isn''t Elementary School anymore."


    As the months progressed, I found myself becoming a lone wolf. I sat by myself throughout all six class periods. Judgment was a cape I constantly wore around my back. Working in group assignments became my worst enemy. During lunch and break, I remained nonexistent in the school social circles.


    In other words, I was the best at being a nobody.


    But yet, you talked to me.


    I still remember that day crystal clear.


    You casually sat down next to me while I ate my lunch by myself near the school rooftop. Then you talked to me as if I was your close friend despite meeting me for the first time. You showed interest in my boring, everyday life. You laughed at my stupid jokes for some reason. Then you encouraged me to try new things and eventually introduced me to your friends.


    And everytime lunch ends, your lips would bloom into that signature smile. And that alone would give me the motivation to keep attending school. With a quick hug, you would say in that dulcet voice:


    "See you tomorrow, Jan."


    I am so grateful that I met you. You made school fun. You gave me the courage to keep moving forward. You were there for me when no one else was. And that was why I decided.


    Whatever that emptiness may be,I will be the one to fill it up...


    ...just like you did for me, Irina.

 Too Often, We Ask Whats Wrong With Someone.

    Burying my head in a book, I stood by the school entrance, thinking about Irina''s emotional state. After contemplating throughout afternoon classes, I remain even more puzzled. In fact, I was completely stumped on why. Questions continued to circulate my head. Everything just did not add up like her internal state and how she portrayed herself to others.


    Has she been faking it all this time?


    And that negative emotion... it was so vivid and strong.


    It''s unlike anything I experience before¡ª


    ¡ªSuddenly, Irina burst out of the front gate and scanned around, wearing her bright yellow and red track outfit.


    "Sorry Jan, I lost track of time while I was practicing, did you wait long?"


    Irina panted repeatedly. Widening her eyes, she gave me an apologetic, innocent puppy look that was nearly impossible to be upset with.


    "Nah," I shooked my head and shut my latest light novel ¡ª a sister''s all you need, "Come on, let''s go grab that dessert."


    "Alright alright, I''m right behind you~"


    Irina was a total klutz when it came to being on time. She was the type of girl that says she''s ready when realistically, needs about an extra half an hour to finish. After years of personal experience, I have perfected my counter against her late arrivals by always keeping a book ready. But it would be quite interesting to see how Irina''s future partner handles her overly ridiculous tardiness.


    ? ? ?


    "WOAH-! THIS LOOKS FREAKING DELICIOUS! ?"


    The Supreme Deluxe Premium Sundae was a formidable monster. Inside the colossal glass bowl was multiple scoops of vanilla, chocolate, strawberry ice cream, formulating into a palatable cast of Neapolitan. A pair of matcha pocky stuck out from the side like abstract art while a freshly-picked cherry was placed on top to seal the deal.


    Other customers sitting nearby marveled in awe at the gigantic tub as Irina was already hammering away like a hungry child.


    "You know you can have some too. It''s really weird if you just watch me eat unless you have that sort of fetish."


    Irina and her stupid jokes.


    I joined in, chipping my part slowly while Irina already dug a massive hole.


    Now how do I bring it up...?


    Gah, I''m so nervous...


    Unlike me, Irina smiled in pure delight with each bite, seeming to savor the flavor of each ice cream. Every time she took a bite, my bestie moaned with literal hearts coming out of her mouth. It made me quite happier to know that she was enjoying the luxurious dessert.


    "So Jan, someone asked me out when I left your class earlier."


    I paused as the ever popular girl continued eating nonchalantly. This girl sure has a unique way of starting conversations. "So, what happened after?"Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    "Well, you know that funny hair dude from the basketball team? Shoot, What was his name again?"


    I nodded, wondering if that was what Irina truly thought of that popular fourth-year jock. I was a bit surprised she forgot because he was the captain of the varsity basketball team. I heard rumors that the dude even had a secret fan club. Or was it a cult? Probably both.


    "Anyways, I said no to him."


    "Another rejection. You''re brutal, Irina. What happened this time?"


    "I asked him what he liked about me and he couldn''t even answer that simple question. High school boys these days sure are shallow. Sigh. Why can''t I find a guy who just loves me for who I am?"


    Within the social hierarchy, Irina places around the apex. Her charismatic and expressive personality often attracted guys from all years. Plus, she was cute and had a good sense of fashion. In fact, today was the fourth time that someone had asked her out... and been utterly rejected.


    It remained a mystery how we were still best friends since the beginning of high school. Usually, in this chapter of our lives, we should have drifted apart. Our personalities and interests were in stark contrast ¡ª I was a quiet introvert who enjoyed the indoors while Irina was an outgoing and funny girl who thrived socially.


    Fortunately, I made a few friends from the Reading Club this year. But this time, I decided to keep my special power on the down low. In this school, Irina was the only one who knew my deepest secret.


    I don''t want the past to repeat itself.


    I don''t want to be alone again.


    Irina, you''re the only one I can trust.


    "So..." I shifted my eyes back and forth. "Um. About earlier..."


    "What is it, Jan?" Irina responded back innocently with some whip cream on her cheeks. Geez, what a carefree girl. I handed her a napkin and pointed at the mess she made.


    It''s so hard for me to be serious when you act this way.


    "So when I manifested you earlier, I felt something else."


    "Mhmmm! Go on go on~"


    I let out a deep sigh and continued, trying to ignore her playfulness that was preventing me from a serious conversation.


    "I felt emptiness."


    Her facial expression instantly changed. For a split second, I could have sworn I saw a different part of Irina. The real her.


    "N-no way, that''s probably just your imagination. Oooh, I-I bet it''s because you know that you have to buy me this expensive dessert. Maybe that''s why..."


    Irina dropped her spoon and started fiddling with her hair, twirling it around over and over. Based on her actions alone, I knew from my bestie long enough to know that she was lying.


    "Irina, if it''s something I can help you with, tell me about it."


    Silence filled the air as she looked downward.


    "Irina." I tried again, unsure if I was overstepping her boundaries. But I needed to know. "Is this really how you feel all the time...?"


    The uneasy silence persists. My heart pounded against my chest, wanting to crawl out of my body as I watch Irina struggle internally.


    "Aren''t you killing yourself by pretending like you are okay?"


    Those words came out of my mouth without me realizing it. Hearing those words, Irina turned towards the glass pane on the window side and stared out blankly onto the busy streets. After a long pause, she muttered under her breath.


    "I wonder too..."


    Small droplets began to drizzle down the streets while sounds of rain filled the restaurant rooftop.


    "Ah, I have to go now, Jan. I forgot to bring an umbrella even though you told me yesterday that it was going to rain. I''m such a silly goose."


    "I have one, we can go home toge¡ª"


    ¡ªIrina smiled politely and held her hand up. Instantly, I knew from her tone and body posture that she wanted to be alone. Seeing my best friend acting this way, our friendship felt close yet so far away.


    "It''s out of the way for you, silly."


    She continued to pack her belongings while I watched helplessly. I pleaded my mind to think of at least something to stop her. Anything. A word. A question. Just something. But in the end, nothing came out as I remained frozen in place.


    Irina stood up with a mixed expression written on her face. Was it melancholy? Regret for letting me manifest her? Anger for bringing up the unspeakable?


    "Please don''t tell anyone at school about this... Promise me, Jan."


    She extended her right hand, raising her pinky towards me.


    As we solidify our pinky promise, part of me hated myself for going with the flow and not speaking out. Now that we made an oath, I had to follow it through. Because in our friendship, promising meant a serious commitment similar to that of a marriage. That was what we agreed in the past.


    "I promise you, Irina."


    "Thank you, Jan."


    After uttering her gratitude, she left with her signature smile...


    ...but this time, I knew that behind it lies someone who was broken.

 How Do You Go Back To Being Strangers With Someone Who Has Seen Your Soul?

    Life goes on. No matter what happens, it continues and waits for no one. Thus, two weeks flew by since our dessert session. And ever since that interaction, we started to associated each other less and less.


    Irina and I started to walk home separately after school, starting off with her needing to practice for the upcoming track tournament. Eventually, I understood the tacit intent and quit asking. She also stopped showing up during break-period. And tragically, it has been days since we last send each other funny pictures and memes, with my last message being on read.


    I guess asking about it ruined our friendship.


    Then again, why did I even ask in the first place?


    I should have kept it to myself...


    Was I hoping that she would open up to me?


    Just how much do I really know about Irina...


    I let out a long sigh and opened the front door, wanting to crash in bed and forget about my entire life. It absolutely sucks not having her around anymore. I never knew it was this difficult to truly get over someone.


    Immediately, I was greeted with the presence of my older sister. Her long black hair tied in a casual ponytail, Amae smiled and proceeded to pinched my cheeks, spreading it apart as if she was kneading dough to make bread.


    "Turn that frown upside down~"


    "OW, IT HURTS."


    Dragging my cheeks, she led me into the living room and prepared a glass of wine. Eccentric as she was, Amae loved hearing about my high school dramas and drinking to it. To her, It was like indulging herself in the latest gossip.


    "Tell me what happened, Jan."


    "Why?"


    "Cause it''s annoying seeing a zombie every time I come home from work," Her lips curled into a smug smile, "So you broke up with your girlfriend eh?"


    "For the last time, Irina''s not my girlfriend-!"


    Still, I decided to tell Amae everything leading up to today but avoided the emptiness part because of our pinky promise. My big sister listened attentively as she poured me a glass, asking if I wanted to drink my sorrow away.


    "You know I am underage!"


    "Come on, it doesn''t hurt once in a while."


    "I don''t want to go to jail sis!"


    She laughed and tossed me a Kapri-sun from the fridge.Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    "Based on what you said earlier, it seems like Irina is afraid."


    "Afraid of what?"


    "You."


    Irina. Afraid of me...?


    But why?


    "After all, you know her deepest secret ¡ª whatever that may be. Think about it this way, if words were to get out, her reputation is at risk. And lemme tell you something Jan, high school girls are absolutely brutal. They will destroy your life and tear you apart socially. Of course, I can personally vouch for this."


    Somehow, the way Amae phrased it made me feel like she was one of those popularity monsters.


    "But I won''t tell anyone. I pinky-promised her."


    "But Irina will never know for sure, does she?"


    Looking back on that day, I did force myself to go with the flow.


    Blaming that it was beyond my control was simply an excuse. An utter, pathetic excuse for being afraid to step over her boundaries and say something different. Instead of letting her know I felt, I chose to play it safe, hoping that it would magically work out if I abided to her rules. But in the end, I lost my best friend.


    "If Irina stops hanging out with you, then she won''t have to worry about this problem anymore. In other words, she''s running away."


    Amae gulped down another glass with ease as I sipped quietly on my juice, connecting the dots.


    "So what will you do now, little brother?"


    I thought about the first day I met Irina on that rooftop and how she changed my world. Then the beginning of high school ¡ª how we would hang out every single day. Irina was also the one that encouraged me to join the Reading Club, which helped me made some friends. Not to mention, she took me to my first high school dance with her friend group.


    But.


    High school is a time of transformation.


    People change. Feelings change.


    Maybe it''s better off if we¡ª


    ¡ªMy older sister must have sensed my hopelessness because she started to stroke my head gently. Whenever she does this, Amae becomes a different person.


    "I''ll ask it this way ¡ª what do you want to do, Jan?"


    Something about her tone sounded inspiring. Despite being an obnoxious older sister, Amae could be serious when it mattered. She placed her palm above my chest and said:


    "Follow your heart. If you think something is worth fighting for, then give it everything you have. That way, you won''t regret this exact moment when you look back in the future."


    Worth fighting for...


    Regret...


    "Now then!" Amae suddenly rose from the couch and stretched her arms, "I am about to watch some Netflix and watch a new episode of Overlord. So I am totally not going to notice if you were to let''s say," Her lips turned into a grin. "Sneak out and talk to Irina!"


    With a whimsical wink, my older sister left the living room, leaving me alone with a finished bottle of wine.


    "Follow your heart. If you think something is worth fighting for, then give it everything you have. That way, you won''t regret this exact moment when you look back in the future."


    Her words echoed in my mind, giving me the courage I need to keep moving forward.


    After cleaning the living room table in godspeed, I dashed out onto the empty streets and sprinted forward with all my might. Irina''s house was about twenty minutes from where I live, giving me some time to think about what to say.


    Looking back, this was probably my first time doing something this crazy, especially in our three years of friendship. All this time, Irina was always the one dragging me along. I smiled, appreciate all the times she took the initiative and encouraged me to become a better person. Now, it was my turn.


    Irina, you''re worth fighting for.


    That is why, I''ll do everything I can.


    So in the future, I won''t regret not trying to save you.


    A few minutes in, my legs were exhausted and became sore. My lungs gasped for air. My body told me to stop running because I was not built for this. Still, I ignored everything and continued to run, feeling completely inspired to change my future.


    I could feel it. It was within my grasp. Right now, I could make that dream into a reality.


    If I try, there''s a chance our friendship will fall apart...


    ...but if I don''t, I ensure it.

 We All Walk Among People In Crisis And Are Unaware Of Their Suffering.

    False tears bring pain to others. A false smile brings pain to yourself. For some reason, my mind wandered to a quote from my favorite anime. Maybe because it finally made sense.


    Irina lived in an apartment complex on the second floor, closed to the staircase and next to the elevator. Ringing her doorbell, my heart wanted to jump out of my chest. Because here I was, waiting to see her in the middle of the night.


    I can''t believe I''m doing this.


    This is going to be so awkward if Irina''s mom or dad opens the door.


    AHHHH-! What should I do? What should I do?


    I walked back and forth restlessly, thinking of some legit excuse.


    Homework? But I could just text her about it.


    Visiting for fun? Who visits in the middle of the night?!


    No matter what the reason was, it just seemed awfully suspicious¡ª


    ¡ªThe door creaked open. Thankfully, it was Irina. My best friend peeked out with a surprised expression, wearing a familiar cat pajama I remember from our last sleepover.


    Despite having a tired expression, Irina looked quite adorable.


    "Jan is that you? What are you doing here?"


    "I need to talk to you."


    "Can''t you wait until tomorrow? It''s already ten and I was all comfy in bed too."


    I could feel myself instinctively backing off. But Amae''s words resonated in my mind. And knowing my sister''s personality, I would never hear the end of her teasing. Besides, I decided to stop running away. I will never be able to forgive myself if I did. Thus, I stood my ground and said in the most confident voice:


    "No, Irina. We have to talk now."


    To my surprise, she opened the door and invited me to her bedroom.


    "My parents aren''t here, so don''t worry. They are working night shift this week."


    They were a dynamic mental health professional duo ¡ª psychiatrist and psychologist. So often times, Irina''s parents worked at random hours depending on their clinic. Because they liked me, I was often invited over to play back in middle school, which was the main reason why we became such good friends.


    "It''s still the same as ever."


    I scanned her bedroom ¡ª cute design, pastel pink bedcover and bombarded with a variety of animal plushies. I notice the Rikkakuma bear sitting on her bed. It was the present I gave her for her 15th birthday.This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    "Well, what is it Jan?"


    Irina smiled, bringing me ice tea from her mini-fridge. It made me happy to know she remembered my favorite drink.


    "What brings you over this late of the night, won''t Amae be angry?"


    "She won''t."


    "So you told her?"


    "I did. Are you mad that I did?"


    "Nope." Irina smiled mysteriously then purred her lips like a cat. "Wow~ the two of us alone in a bedroom. I wonder what is going to happen next, perhaps you might do something naughty to me~"


    She stumbled back, yelping in a dramatic manner as I rolled my eyes. A nostalgic feeling resurfaced. It was nice that we were finally talking again but at the same time, this felt shallow. It was as if we were faking our friendship to be normal again.


    I need to be honest.


    I need to let her know how I feel.


    "Well... I am here to talk about us."


    "I see, let me get ready then."


    The dainty girl sat on her bed, holding onto the Rikkakuma plushie tightly. Because of her short and innocent appearance, she looked really adorable.


    "Irina, I love you. You are amazing."


    Eh?


    What did I just say?


    The air around us froze as we looked into each other''s eyes in absolute shock.


    DAMN IT.


    I messed up. I was supposed to say ''Irina, I love how amazing you are''. But wait, why am I even saying that in the first place?!


    Irina started giggling. Gradually, she burst into soft laughter as I sat there completely dumbfounded, feeling my cheeks grow warm like a heated oven. Judging from my facial expressions, my bestie probably knew I meant to say something else.


    "Anyways what I meant to say was I love how amazing you are," I cleared my throat and continued. "As much as I don''t want to confront you, I feel like I have to."


    I took a deep breath, trying to recite the script I prepared in my mind.


    "I noticed that you have been avoiding me lately, Irina."


    My heartbeat began to accelerate.


    "If you feel like I am lame, I can understand. If you feel like hanging out with me is starting to become a burden, I can understand."


    "But..." I looked at my best friend, who fiddled with her fingers as she clutched onto her teddy bear tightly. "If you feel like I am a threat to you because I know your secret, then I want to clear up this misunderstanding."


    Irina fluttered at the word threat. Looks like Amae was right. Her woman''s intuition was on point ¡ª I was indeed a threat to her.


    "Irina, I promised you I would never tell anyone about it. You know the implications behind our pinky promise. And it hurts me to see that you are struggling alone."


    I crawled closer and sat next to her on the bed.


    "I am here for you. Please don''t go through this by yourself... Aren''t we best friends?"


    My mind went completely blank for some reason. A surge of emotions built up inside me as I continued, thinking about the moments that made us close. Although those words were genuine and came straight from my heart, it was mixed with anger and frustration, released after being suppressed for so damn long.


    "If this is all it takes to tear us apart, then maybe we weren''t all that close to begin with..."


    Irina turned away, her long flowing red hair covered part of her face. It was difficult to tell what she was thinking.


    "But as long as you keep believing in me, I''ll be there for you no matter what happens. And someday, we''ll reach a point where we won''t have to hide from each other anymore."


    There was an unsteady silence. It continued for a minute, which felt like an eternity. Enveloped in this uncertainty, I had expected Irina to say something after letting my entire heart and soul out. But I guess nothing in life goes according to plan. Still, I did not regret this decision one bit. A heavy burden was finally lifted on my shoulder and right now, any results would suffice.


    "Alright, Irina. That''s all I wanted to say so thanks for hearing me out. I will head home now, sorry for bothering you this late. And thanks for the drink I guess... Goodbye."


    I stood up and walked away slowly, reaching for the door that led to the exit of the life as we know it. With every step, my heart wallowed in despair. And as bittersweet as the moment was, I turned the doorknob and possibly the key to ending our friendship forever.


    I guess this is it.


    Goodbye old friend.

 Someday, I Hope You Can Find Someone Whose Presence Can Heal Your Pain.

    Suddenly, I felt something tugged at my shirt behind me. Turning around, I did not expect Irina gripping the edge of my shirt tightly and refused to let me go. Her face looked down at the carpet as she muttered:


    "It''s not that I feel threatened by you, stupid..."


    As our eyes met gaze, Irina''s face was overwhelmed with emotions. It was best described as authenticity. Tears began trickling down from the corner of her eyes, slowly down her cheeks and letting it fall endlessly. This was the first time I ever saw her cry.


    "It''s because I am afraid... I am afraid that if you knew the real me, then you wouldn''t like me anymore."


    "What do you mean Irina?"


    "I''m scared... This feeling is unbearable and I don''t know how to handle it. It''s constantly on the back of my mind. I know I shouldn''t be because I am surrounded by so many friends yet why do I feel so alone?"


    Irina collapsed onto the carpet with her knees, looking so fragile and vulnerable. It feels like she could break at any moment.


    "I didn''t know how to face you after what happened, Jan. I didn''t know what to do. I didn''t know how to go back to what we were..."


    My bestie sniffled as I grabbed a few tissues and helped her back to bed.


    "Irina, you can run from your past all you want, but it will always follow you. Forever and ever." I rest my hand on her shoulder, "But it''s okay to not have everything figured out. Maybe sometimes you have to lose who you were to find out who you are."


    "But just knowing that we won''t be the same as before, I couldn''t muster the strength to confront you, especially when you know about my darkest secret. How can we go back to our friendship when everything is all gone?!"Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.


    Her voice sounded like a desperate plea, reminding me of how I felt for the past few weeks. But this anger and frustration meant she really cared about our friendship. About us.


    "Then why don''t we start over right now?"


    I looked at her straight in the eye, gazing into her soul. Memories of our first encounter constantly replayed in my mind like a videotape, reminding me of both the good and bad moments. Although her crimsons eyes were puffy, it was filled with utmost sincerity.


    You saved me back then.


    Now it''s my turn to save you.


    "I want to know the true you. The Irina with the empty feeling. The Irina with feelings that she never let any other know before ¡ª the real Irina."


    "But the real me is not always cheerful and gets upset easily when things don''t go my way."


    "Then we''ll go for your favorite dessert when you are down."


    "But the real me can be really clingy and I''ll complain a lot."


    "I''ll be here for you when you need someone to listen."


    "But the real me is pessimistic and overly sensitive about stupidest stuff."


    "Even then, you can still complain to me."


    "I''m broken on the inside. Are you really okay someone like me as a friend?"


    "If you never break, you''ll never know how to put yourself back together."


    As I held Irina''s hands, her crimson eyes seemed to sparkle as if the burning will to live had reignited. Even though tears were streaming down repeatedly, she smiled. It was the signature smile I remembered. The one I utterly adored. The one that had saved me back in 7th grade. Unexpectedly, my best friend leaped into my arms and sobbed, releasing all the sorrow that had built up over the year.


    "Thank you, Jan... All this time... I had to hold it in... Finally... Something who accepts who I really am..."


    "Sharing our weakness to others is very scary." I held her tightly in my embrace and felt her warmth across my body, "After all, we don''t want to appear incompetent to others, especially to the people we care about. But I am glad you were willing to share something this intimate with me. You have gotten stronger, Irina."


    "Really?"


    "Yes really."


    "Can you keep praising me?"


    It was not a joke or a playful statement but rather a request from someone who needed encouragements to keep moving forward.


    "Alright, just this time then. Only because today is special."


    As I continued to shower her with sincere compliments that I felt across the years, our friendship reminded me of a phoenix ¡ª rebirthing from the ashes of destruction and burning brighter than ever. My mind could not help but think...


    For someone to accept you fully despite your flaws, that is...


    ...an utterly truly wonderful thing.

 A Friend Is Someone Who Knows All About You And Still Loves You.

    After that fateful night, our relationship resumed back on course. In fact, it was better than what I had initially hoped for. Incredibly happy about the outcome, I could barely sleep after going home and even performed a silly victory dance in the shower.


    Is this what youth is all about?


    I found out that Irina was suffering from clinical depression, which stemmed from all the expectations she had to fulfill. Her parents expected her to be a top-performing academic student and did not allow anything less than an A. Her friend group expected her to always be that happy cheery gal, no matter what happens. Her sports teammate expected her to carry the team as the all-rounded co-captain.


    People forced their idealities onto Irina, glorifying her into someone who seemed to be wholeheartedly special, almost like an almighty goddess. But deep down, she was just another a human being, capable of having faults and making mistakes.


    In the onslaught of neverending expectations, stress slowly accumulated. Fear and mental pressure to maintain the perfect girl image was always constant. Endlessly shaping herself to other people''s image, Irina broke.


    At the very end, she had lost herself. Her self-identity. Who she was as an individual.


    What was the next step? Irina had forgotten how to live. Inevitably, a sense of emptiness began to consume her mind, like a contagious virus spreading across her entire body.


    But now?


    Irina was changing. In fact, she shined more radiant than ever.


    There were still some problems here and there like the depressive episodes, tough authoritarian parents and how clingy she actually was, as Irina warned me that night. But, I would not have it any other way.


    If she was sad, she told me instead of faking a smile and say I''m fine. In the beginning, I even use my manifestation ability to monitor her mood. Although the past few months have been quite the emotional rollercoaster, our ride together has been a slow and steady climb.


    It might be just me but my best friend seemed to be more alive. Like she was truly enjoying life.


    I waited at the front entrance while she finished up with her tournament. Apparently, today was an important day as I remember Irina spamming me over text last night to "show up or else );<"


    "Yo."


    "Check it out, Jan! A gold medal. Hmmm... I wonder if it''s real gold."


    "Congratulation on winning!"


    Irina beamed like the radiant sun, smirking and holding her prize in front of my face.Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    "Are you proud?"


    I feel like a father trying to pacify an overly-excited teenage girl. Still, Irina deserved this precious moment. After all, she was going to regionals, fulfilling one of her top personal goals.


    "Yes Yes," I waved my hand in the air nonchalantly while both of us started walking out of school. Occasionally, we would meet some of Irina''s track friends and they would congratulate her on the good run.


    "So how about it? Treat me that Supreme Deluxe Premium Sundae again! I heard they have a version number two, this time served with multiple platters of finest dessert such as sponge cakes, cream puffs and..."


    Irina drooled at the thought of the ultimate dessert. This scene feels way too familiar as I karate-chop her on the head, snapping her back into reality.


    "No thanks! Isn''t that like forty dollars?"


    "Ehhhh... Please, Jan! Think of it as a victory treat~ Somehow it tastes better when you treat me."


    The same familiar pair of innocent puppy eyes appeared on her face as Irina pleaded, this time, she grasped onto my hands tightly. Even the toughest man in the world would have trouble saying no to this face.


    It''s not fair if you do this...


    "Fine fine, but you better finish it. Last time, I ended up with a huge stomach-ache because you left halfway."


    "Last time..."


    Both of us continued to walk in silence as if we were reminiscing about the various moments that led up to today. That day was the beginning of a new chapter in our story. Up until today, we did not mention much about it since the topic always seemed awkward.


    "Why did you agree for me to manifest you, knowing I will feel emptiness? You already know what my manifestation ability does..."


    Irina looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.


    "Why don''t you think again?"


    "I thought about it so many times." I scratched my head and sighed. "And I can''t seem to reach a logical conclusion."


    "Think harder!" Irina stuck out her tongue at me. Then balling her hands into a fist, she hit my back repeatedly and yelled out in a childish manner:


    "Stupid stupid! Jan is stupid!"


    "Alright alright, I''m stupid for not knowing. Will you tell me then?"


    Irina shooked her head and pouted, "Nope! That''s something you have to figure out. And if you''ll figure it out, then I''ll give you a present! Yes, a special present~"


    I could sense something mysterious and inscrutable behind those words. Still, I was happy Irina was back to her usual playfulness. She was smiling. It was that signature beaming smile that I loved.


    "Are you happy?"


    "Of course I am!"


    Irina puffed out her chest confidently as if she was a soldier waiting to be presented a medal of honor.


    "Don''t lie to me," I teased, "I can always manifest you to make sure you''re doing okay."


    "You know I don''t lie to you anymore, ever since that day..."


    Unexpectedly, Irina turned her face away. Her cheeks seemed to be bright red but it was probably from the setting sun or exercising earlier. There was no way she was flustered over what I said.


    "Jan... if you really want to, I guess I''ll let you manifest me so you can see I am not lying."


    Irina waited patiently for my answer. As I pretended to contemplate, Irina took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself. With a devious smirk, I casually walked away and said simply.


    "Nah."


    "Ehhhhhhh come on, I was all ready for it too!!~"


    "I''m good."


    "No, come back and manifest me!!! Manifest me, Jan!"


    "No thanks."


    As I sprinted away, Irina started chasing after me. Within a few seconds, the track star caught up to me with ease. She held onto the collar of my shirt, not willing to release me until she hears my answer.


    Our faces were inches away from each other as I could practically feel her breath. I noticed the smoothness of her skin and her rosy lips, curled up into a smug expression. Imitating Irina''s playfulness, I replied:


    "Just watching you run today at the tournament, seeing your eyes sparkle and enjoying life. I don''t need to manifest you to know that you are happy, stupid!"


    -END-

 Afterword

    Hey readers, Happy New Year!


    ¡º This is Amae ¡»


    Thanks for reading my short, which was inspired by a dream I had some months ago (yes I have theses random slice of life dreams often).


    I wanted to start the New Year off strong and finish what I dropped (I drop series like I drop my mixtape ¡ª fast and furious). Thus, it feels so HECKING good to actually finish something I originally set out to do.


    With that being said, it''s time to focus back on my original series. I''ve been having some writer''s block recently (+ binge-watching anime like Bunny Girl - SO GOOD)This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    If possible, please leave a rating/review on what you think! It would literally make my day. I am always striving to be a better writer. Providing feedback/suggestion would help me on my journey to become #1 author in the genre I love (for my followers, you already know what it is).


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    See you in the main story!


    January 3, 2019


    Amae