《Camelot Resurgent》 Back in the Game I¡¯m back in Camelot ?, the massively multi-player online virtual reality role-playing game or MMOVRRPG. I¡¯ve been away a few weeks due to real-life pressures and things getting a little too intense in the game and almost blowing my fuse. Here I am in my rock-cut chamber in the Silver Drift mine, lit by guttering wax candles in stone alcoves. I¡¯m sitting at a heavy scarred oak table on a heavy oak chair padded in green velvet with a red design. I am Sir Gorrow of the Bloody Field after all, my arms awarded to me by King Arthur himself on the battlefield in front of Camelot just before the city fell to the Evil One. That was a while back now. Here I am in my settlement with my friends. Yes, my friends: real and virtual, player characters (PCs) and non-player characters (NPCs). We run a dungeon in here called the Forgotten Chapel, which is intended as a front operation for our real purpose -- to build an army for King Arthur in a hidden settlement called Silver Drift. But I¡¯m boss of the Forgotten Chapel dungeon and Baron of Silver Drift. I¡¯ve just taken up the Prestige Class of Baron, more of which later. In front of me sits, orange haired fire-mage Tye, dressed in his blue silk wizard¡¯s robes. He¡¯s mini-boss of Level One of the dungeon. To his right, is bearded Bernard the Alchemist, wearing a frayed brown cassock covered in chemical stains and last night¡¯s dinner. He¡¯s mini-boss of Level Two, which has an acid theme. (Tye¡¯s level has a fire theme in case you didn¡¯t guess that.) To Bernard¡¯s right is shaggy-browed, beak-nosed Saint Fitheach wearing his white shift, long white Gandalf style hair flowing down his back. He¡¯s mini-boss of the newly excavated Level Three of the Forgotten Chapel, and very excited about his wrathful angels, spiky seraphs and cheeky cherubim, not to mention his stat-draining holy traps. I am Dungeon Boss and Lord of Level Five, except Level Five hasn¡¯t been dug out yet. That¡¯s fine, we have other fish to fry before we get to that particular issue, though Thorvald, my boss miner, is also in the chamber, though standing. (I didn¡¯t ask him to stand). Thorvald wants to get cracking on Level Five as soon as possible. Unlike Tye, Bernard and Fitheach, and I guess, myself, who are people, Thorvald is computer generated, albeit fiendishly cleverly generated with an intelligence that appears superior to many players, Tye for instance. Uchtred my sergeant at arms is also in the chamber, as well as Peter the Silent, my trapsmith, Geraint the Blacksmith, Asterix the blue-bearded dwarf agency staffer and Oliver Stone, architect. Jason the Brewer and Business Manager is outside the door, as we couldn¡¯t fit any more in my chamber. Behind him is Simon the Vendor. They¡¯re all AI guys. Thorvald looks at me grimly. ¡®So what¡¯s the plan now, boss?¡¯ That puts me on the spot and I scratch my head. The candles flicker in a warm breeze that¡¯s coming from somewhere in the mine. Silence hangs as they wait for my wise reply and I hear the distant chinking and chipping of pickaxes. They¡¯re all staring at me. I put up my hand and say, ¡®Gimme a minute, guys. I¡¯m thinking.¡¯ Truth is I¡¯ve already thought. I know what I need to do. I sit back, frown and say, ¡®We¡¯ve got to get to King Arthur.¡¯ Uproar erupts. My decision has caused some discussion, furious looks, smiles, winks, nods and curses under the breath, depending on who thinks what. But I¡¯m decided. We¡¯re going to save King Arthur. And then the alarm light blinks on in the vision of my Heads Up Display (HUD). Tye, Fitheach and Bernard get the alert too. ¡®Someone¡¯s coming in,¡¯ Tye says, standing up and almost knocking over the leather tankard containing Jason¡¯s best Silver Drift beer that Bernard had placed on the table in front of them. Bernard waves him down, reaching to sup his ale. ¡®Don¡¯t worry, kid. You¡¯ve got plenty of time.¡¯A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. I check on the HUD and I see six red dots blinking on the screen. They¡¯ve come in the dungeon¡¯s front door and are cuatiously making their way down the passage towards the door on the right that opens up onto the Ruined Chapel room. There are a couple of mobs in there that will trigger as soon as they get close. Tye pushes back his ginger hair. ¡®It¡¯s fine for you to say, Bernard, but I¡¯m the first boss they¡¯ll meet.¡¯ ¡®Mini-boss,¡¯ Bernard mutters into his beer. Tye twists his mouth. ¡®Yeah, but you¡¯re only a mini-boss too.¡¯ I hold up my hand. ¡®Guys, please. We¡¯ve got a party to meet and greet.¡¯ Bernard stands and brushes down crumbs from his cassock. I don¡¯t know where they¡¯ve come from as he hasn¡¯t eaten anything, but maybe it¡¯s a graphic effect to accentuate his slightly-shabby character. He shrugs. ¡®But I¡¯m boss of Level Two, you¡¯re only boss of Level One, Tye.¡¯ ¡®Whatever. That doesn¡¯t mean anything.¡¯ Bernard turns to me. ¡®What level are the adventurers?¡¯ I check my screen. There are six of them. The lowest is a Level 6 Rogue, the highest is a Level 9 Barbarian. The Forgotten Chapel Dungeon has now levelled to Level 11, so they are going to be outmatched, especially if they try to go downstairs as each level of the dungeon gets one leverl harder. The dungeon has a mechanism that allows us to spawn copies of loot and even clone good items that adventurers drop when they die, so we won¡¯t be out of pocket if they do get some loot. I¡¯m almost about to wish them well when Fitheach says, ¡®Check their alignment. Are they evil? What guild do they belong to?¡¯ We are sworn enemies of some of the evil guilds such as The Fangs of Koth, Dead Souls and Blood for Satanus. I¡¯m a member of the Knights of the Round table, a good guild based now in Caer, since Camelot fell, so we were bound to clash. Not least since they burned Camelot to the ground and killed tons of my guildies. I check. ¡®No, they¡¯re not a guild group. There¡¯s Grimdark, Level 9 Barbarian, Hamish Level 6 Rogue.¡¯ I can¡¯t see Hamish being up to to the Level 12 traps he¡¯s going to face on this level. (Traps are always 1 level up from the level of the dungeon they¡¯re set up on). I continue to read down my list. ¡®Melanieoxoxo a Level 8 Cleric, Danven, a Level 8 Fighter, Tigorono, a Level 8 Wizard and finally, Treebeard781 a Level 7 druid.¡¯ ¡®I love druids,¡¯ Bernard says. Fitheach screws up his face. ¡®I don¡¯t. Too woody and pagan.¡¯ ¡®I¡¯m going to get ready,¡¯ Tye says, sweeping off in a swirl of blue robes. The NPCs move out the way to let him by. Thorvald nods at me. ¡®So, at least we know the plan. Let me know what you want to do.¡¯ Then they leave too. I shrug and stand. Bernard has followed Tye out and I¡¯m left with Saint Fitheach. He¡¯s pulling at his white beard and seems agitated. ¡®What¡¯s up?¡¯ I ask. ¡®A bit nervous.¡¯ ¡®Nervous? How come? We¡¯ve had hundreds of adventurers through this place.¡¯ He shrugs. ¡®Yeah, but I¡¯ve never been in charge of my own level before.¡¯ I lean over and pat him on the shoulder. ¡®You¡¯ll do fine. Don¡¯t worry.¡¯ ¡®But I do worry, Gorrow. When I was just helping out on other peoples¡¯ levels, it was okay, but now, I¡¯m kind of responsible¡­¡¯ I try to mollify him. ¡®Listen, these guys are not going to get to your Level. The biggest guy in their group is Level 9 and your level is going to be¡­¡¯ I pause to calculate but he says, ¡®Level 14 traps and mobs.¡¯ I beam at him. ¡®See, no danger they¡¯ll even get close.¡¯ He nods, suddenly comforted. ¡®You¡¯re right. Though I would have like them to see the Level, we¡¯ve made it nice¡­¡¯ I shake my head. He doesn¡¯t want adventurers to get to his level and yet he does. That¡¯s saints for you ¡ª ambivalent to a man. I set out the door. ¡®Let¡¯s go.¡¯ I¡¯m back in my armour. I¡¯ve still got the Green Knight glamour on so people won¡¯t recognise me as Sir Gorrow of the Bloody Field. Our presence deep in enemy territory is well-known to the enemy, though so far his minions haven¡¯t found a way into our Silver Drift settlement. The only way they could do that is to come over the steep hills that ring the Secret Valley, and even then they¡¯d have to seige our back door. They haven¡¯t found a way over the hills, because there isn¡¯t an easy one, not one that would allow seige engines and cavalry over anyway. But I know they¡¯re searching. Fitheach comes right up behind me and tries to shoo me out. ¡®Come on, they¡¯re waiting.¡¯ First Encounter Tye has rushed up to Level One, with Observation Mode on. Even I can¡¯t see him once we go through the heavy locked door that leads to the dungeon. I usher Fitheach in front of me and remind him to put on Observation Mode so the adventurers won¡¯t see him. He flicks the switch and vanishes in front of my eyes. Bernard and Tye are ahead; I see them as green blips on the HUD. Tye rushes through the Tapestry Room past the untriggered Paladin and the other mobs to head right down the Spooky Corridor. He ignores the alcove to his left goes down the sloping passage. Bernard is with him; they both have to get there to get to their levels and rooms where they await the adventurers. Fitheach tarries, then huffs and puffs invisibly before heading after them. When I last saw his level it was lovely, so I don¡¯t get his anxiety about welcoming adventurers there. Like I said, if they get that far. As my level hasn¡¯t yet been dug out, I decide to hang around on Level One, to see how my guests are getting on. I am totally invisible to them and can¡¯t interact while I have obs mode on, so I stroll through the Tapestry Room to the door that leads onto the main passage. I step out. To the left the dungeon door some hundred yards away has closed shut. From the commotion the adventurers are still battling their way through the Ruined Chapel. In there is a collection of minor loot, originally crafted by Geraint, and amongst the debris a key that will allow them to unlock the door into the Gas Room and down into Tye¡¯s Fire Dwarf area. As I walk, I glance to the schematic. There are green dots marking our mobs, gold dots marking loot and red dots marking the enemy adventurers. Six red dots bleep on and off in the Ruined Chapel among the cobwebbed pews and ruined icons. I particularly like the bloody graffitti on the wall, a flourish designed by my NPC Oliver Stone and interior decorator. The green dots blink off in the Ruined Chapel. I hover over it to see: They deal with the acid slime and another green dot is extinguished. All the mobs will respawn in thirty minutes from their death . The mobs here are one plus dungeon floor level, so Level 12. They¡¯re better than the adventurers by at least three levels, but of course there are six adventurers. I hover over them to see who¡¯s leading and it seems to be the Level 9 Barbarian, Grimdark. They pause in the Ruined Chapel, presumably checking foor loot. I am guessing they¡¯ve got the key to the lower level here, though they won¡¯t yet know where it¡¯s for. I¡¯m in the Tapestry Room, alone of all my gang when the adventurers bluster into the Tapestry Room. I can see and hear them but they can¡¯t see me with Observation Mode on. I hear a roar. ¡®Time¡¯s up. Let¡¯s do this!¡¯ and the bare-chested ginger haired barbarian Grimdark bursts into the room. There are various low level pieces of loot lying on the floor, but he doesn¡¯t pay any attention to these. He rushes forward, huge great-axe raised up above his head. He¡¯s all muscle, no shirt and his pants appear to be braided from leather. The only armour he has is a prominent gold codpiece protecting his virtual man-parts. He screams in rage as he sees the NPC Level 12 Paladin that guards the Tapestry Room and sprints towards it. From behind him, their rogue Bilbo hisses, ¡®Easy, Grim. There might be traps!¡¯ but the barbarian ignores him. Hustling through the door now behind them are the green-clad druid Treebeard 781, a female cleric, another plate-mailed fighter who¡¯s a lot more cautious than Grimdark, and a wizard in a red and gold Chinese style robe emblazoned with dragons. There¡¯s a burning smell and a bright ray of fire stabs through the air to strike the NPC paladin. Instead of being grateful, the barbarian screams, ¡®Don¡¯t steal my kill, wissard.¡¯ He¡¯s got an accent ¡ª maybe Swedish or something. With a yell he swings his great-axe laterally and down, aiming for the paladin. The NPC raises his shield and there¡¯s a crash of steel and a shower of sparks as the barbarian¡¯s axe skitters off. The paladin ripostes and slashes his longsword down the barbarian¡¯s left arm. Blood drips from the wound and the barbarian shouts back. ¡®Heal me up, cleric.¡¯ This must be a Pick Up Group because these guys don¡¯t seem to know each other well, or at least the barbarian can¡¯t remember their names. The cleric obliges and Grimdark is bathed in the slivery light of a healing spell. He doesn¡¯t thank her but smashes his axe down again. It causes some damage and the paladin staggers back, but puts up his guard and deflects the barbarians lunging axe head. The paladin¡¯s shield is buckled and the with an insane laugh the barbarian attacks again. Bilbo the rogue is sneaking round the side and Melanie the Cleric is waiting for her next order to heal. The fighter and the wizard are looking at each other. The wizard shrugs and mutters, ¡®Let him do it.¡¯Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. The fighter lifts the visor of his helmet. ¡®He¡¯s an idiot.¡¯ ¡®But so magnificent,¡¯ Melanie the cleric says in moon-struck tones. The paladin draws blood again and the barbarian yells, ¡®That enough. I go into rage!¡¯ There is a red graphic effect and Grimdark¡¯s face morphs like the Mighty Hulk so he¡¯s bigger and wider. Snarling, he smashes down again and again, until the paladin collapses in a clatter of iron. ¡®Yessss!!!!!¡¯ Grimdark fistpumps in victory. He turns round, still raging and covered in blood, which he ignores. Melanie obligingly heals him up without being asked first. Bilbo the rogue has used the distraction of the fight to collect up the loot hereabouts. There¡¯s a gloopy, slithering sound as an Acid Slime heaves itself from the ceiling behind them. The wizard Tigorno shoots out a ray of fire and fries it. ¡®You¡¯re welcome,¡¯ he says. Grimdark ignores him. ¡®Come, we go there.¡¯ He¡¯s pointing over at the so-called Spooky Corridor that leads towards their encounter with Tye. Bilbo raises his hand. ¡®Let me go first in case of traps.¡¯ Grimdark says, ¡®No. I go first. I not show cowardice of traps.¡¯ Melanie says in a quiet voice. ¡®Let Bilbo do his stuff.¡¯ The wizard and fighter spout up. ¡®Hang back, Grimdark.¡¯ The barbarian huffs and puffs but lets the rogue go foward. The little guy, turns out he¡¯s a halfling, bends down, sniffs, rubs the ground with two fingers and then smells his fingers. This is all posing because his Trap Sense skill will let him know the trap¡¯s there. Then he nods, reaches into a leather pouch on a belt around his waist. He pulls out some thin metal tools, tinkers for a while then a hatch opens revealing a pit trap. He messes with that a while and then drops into the pit, pulling a healing potiona and some black laquered armour. ¡®Good job,¡¯ The fighter Daven says. ¡®Hurry,¡¯ Grimdark says, bustling forwards. They follow him and see the alcove to the left. I know there¡¯s a crush trap there, and so does the rogue. He¡¯s not bad. Once again, he makes Grimdark stand back while he disarms the trap and gets the key. ¡®Thanks for the xp,¡¯ Melanie says. ¡®Come on!¡¯ Grimdark yells,striding into the dark. The wizard Tigorno mutters, ¡®He¡¯s a liability.¡¯ Daven the fighter sighs and follows Grimdark down the sloping corridor. There¡¯s a locked door at the bottom but they¡¯ve got the key. They enter a dark room. I¡¯m right behind them. I know what¡¯s happening but they don¡¯t. There¡¯s a hissing sound. The rogue notices it at the same time as Melanie the Cleric. ¡®It very dark in here,¡¯ Grimdark says. ¡®What¡¯s that noise?¡¯ Tigorno asks. ¡®What noise?¡¯ Grimdark shakes his head. ¡®Wissard is useless. Where is light spell?¡¯ But Tigorno¡¯s preoccupied; he¡¯s looking all around. Grimdark grunts in condemnation. ¡®No problemo. I have torch in backpack,¡¯ and he begins to rummage in his pack. Treebeard the druid says, ¡®I¡¯ve got a light spell ¡ª Faerie Fire.¡¯ Melanie shakes her head. ¡®I¡¯d go easy on the fire.¡¯ ¡®Yeah, smells like gas of some kind,¡¯ Bilbo says. ¡®It¡¯s okay,¡¯ Treebeard says. ¡®My spell isn¡¯t inflammatory. It¡¯s more like a phosphorescence.¡¯ Melanie nods. ¡®Ah okay. That should be fine.¡¯ ¡®Yeah,¡¯ Bilbo agrees. ¡®Go for it.¡¯ ¡®Then we can see where the hell we are,¡¯ Daven says. Grimdark pulls out a torch from his pack, puts it between his knees and gets out a flint and steel. ¡®Good. Just a second.¡¯ They all turn to stare at him, but there¡¯s a spark as Grimdark strikes the flint against the steel and an almighty boom as the gas ignites and blows them to kingdom come. Bilbo is slain by explosion: 250 xp Melanieoxoxo is slain by explosion: 350 xp Daven is slain by explosion: 350 xp Tigorno is slain by explosion: 350 xp I hear somebody stumbling around in the smoke, coughing uncontrollably. ¡®What happen?¡¯ Grimdark asks. ¡®You blew them up with your torch,¡¯ Treebeard the druid says. I can hear the ice in his voice. ¡®I blew? No.¡¯ Grimdark shakes his head. ¡®I could not blow. Was gas.¡¯ The ghosts of the four dead adventurers shimmer nearby before winking out one by one to go to where they¡¯re bound. Ghosts can¡¯t speak, which is probably a good thing right now. Treebeard says, ¡®Yes, you blew them up.¡¯ Grimdark becomes visible as the smoke dissipates. He seems taken aback and rubs his big seamed forehead with a sooty hand. ¡®I sorry. I not die because of huge hitpoints.¡¯ He nods wisely. Treebeard is still pissed off. ¡®I¡¯ve got high fire resist, so I was okay. Let¡¯s quit.¡¯ Grimdark shakes his head. ¡®No, no.¡¯ ¡®Look, this is a Level 12 dungeon. You¡¯re only Level 9, and I¡¯m Level 7. We¡¯re not going to do this.¡¯ Grimdark grits his teeth. ¡®No, I not give up. I not coward.¡¯ ¡®Listen, I¡¯m not a quitter, but this is unwinnable.¡¯ Grimdark stares at the druid with bloodshot eyes, white in glaring in his smoke stained face. ¡®You not quit then. I simple. We go. Win win. We get loot and xp?¡¯ The barbarian smiles endearingly. Treebeard shakes his head and pulls at his beard. ¡®I don¡¯t know¡­¡¯ Grimdark claps the druid on the shoulder. ¡®Yes .We go. I need you to heal me.¡¯ Treebeard sighs as Grimdark walks through the room to the next door, but the barbarian is striding forward unconcerned. You¡¯ve got to love this guy. Fight, fight, fight (fight) Only two of them make it to the Fire Dwarf forges and they are immediately met by grumpy, muscled dwarf smiths, who rush at them weilding their hammers. Grimdark is in his element as he rages on. He actually goes green too, just like the Hulk. I¡¯ve followed them down and the light from the forges is better so I can see the change of hue. He screams and roars, swinging his axe and ignoring the blows of the enraged dwarfs. He scatters the little fellows like a bull running through a herd of cats. Occasionally Treebeard throws him a heal, which to my amusement is green tinged, rather than the silver-tinged healing spells of the clerics. Treebeard mutters something and a massive alpha-wolf is conjured and lays about it, slavering tongue and snapping fangs, all adding to the fire dwarf dismay. Grimdark chops them into chunks and even though they are my mobs he¡¯s dicing up, I have to own to a grudging respect for the crazy barbarian. Treebeard is no slouch either and he throws open his hands and glass sharp splinters of wood shoot out, like so much natural buckshot, slicing up more dwarfs. Soon, the stone floor is a sticky mess of blood and dwarf beard hairs matted in and then the dwarfs, plucky and brave, are slaughtered to the last one. Grimdark puts down his axe and leans on it, panting. ¡®Xp, xp, xp! I love it!¡¯ Treebeard shakes his head and pats the wolf. Just then more dwarfs, this time armoured halbediers rush in to take them on. ¡®Heal me up Treeman!¡¯ yells Grimdark as he turns to face the newcomers with a snarl, his ginger braids flying. ¡®I use Bloat!¡¯ he screams, smashing down on the first dwarf and cutting him clean in half from nape to chaps, or the other way round. I¡¯m guessing Bloat is a barbarian specific skill. Treebeard says something and green tendrils like some kind of weird ivy snake over the ground, wrap around the dwarf legs and deliver them as dinner to the big wolf. ¡®Heal me up, Treeman!¡¯ Grimdark shouts again, after getting jabbed in the pectoral muscle by the sharp end of a dwarf halberd. ¡®Treebeard,¡¯ The druid responds. ¡®Beardie tree. Whatever. I need heal.¡¯ With a resigned gesture, Treebeard heals up the raging barbarian as he decapitates another dwarf. There are four dwarfs left and I am tempted to help the dungeon mobs out, but that woudln¡¯t be fair, as I¡¯m Level 17 and Treebeard¡¯s only Level 7 and I¡¯m Level 17. Still, these dwarfs are Level 12 and should be more of a match for the crazy twosome. In fact, it¡¯s only Grimdark who¡¯s crazy, Treebeard seems pretty sensible. As if in weird synchronicity with my words, as Grimdark hacks down another dwarf, he is surrounded by a blue glow, as is Treebeard. Grimdark throws back his head and yells in triumph, ¡®I level, I goddam level. I beat this bitch dungeon, yes sirree!¡¯ So now he¡¯s Level 10. Treebeard says, ¡®I¡¯m Level 8 now too.¡¯ Grimdark takes a break from killing while his final opponent backs away warily. He turns to Treebeard with a puzzled look on his face. ¡®You Level 8 too?¡¯ Treebeard nods. ¡®But you not Level 8 too, because, I Level 10, so not too.¡¯ It¡¯s Treebeard¡¯s turn to look puzzled. ¡®I¡¯m sorry?¡¯ ¡®You not too. I not Level 8.¡¯ With this the remaining dwarf halberdier rushes at Grimdark, who isn¡¯t looking. He¡¯s about to get him when Treebeard¡¯s wolf companion darts forward and rips out the dwarf¡¯s throat. Treebeard says, ¡®I don¡¯t know why I joined this group.¡¯ Grimdark laughs. ¡®I join because of Melanieoxoxo. She pretty.¡¯ ¡®She¡¯s a toon. She doesn¡¯t look like that in real life.¡¯ ¡®No? Is she not modelled on herself?¡¯ ¡®Are you modelled on your real life look?¡¯ ¡®Of course.¡¯ ¡®Really? You¡¯re a six foot six hugely muscled ginger guy who goes around with no shirt?¡¯ Grimdark nods then says, ¡®Of course in winter in my country is very cold, so I wear shirt then for sure. And coat.¡¯ Treebeard sighs and says, ¡®Let¡¯s go on. I want to finish this dungeon.¡¯ ¡®There are many levels. It take a while.¡¯ ¡®Or die. I could die. That might be okay.¡¯ Grimdark steps back and puts a consoling arm around Treebeard¡¯s shoulder. ¡®Don¡¯t worry, little man. I take care of you.¡¯ ¡®Please, let¡¯s just go.¡¯ They step forward, picking up random low level loot and killing a few more mobs. A bit further on and they are the mini-boss fight. My wizard, Tye is boss of this level. He¡¯s got himself in a luxious bedroom with flame effect decorations and a four poster bed. As they come close, he steps to the door, blue-robed and smoking a cheroot. ¡®Hist!¡¯ he says, overacting and placing a hand to his ear. ¡®Something wicked this way comes to disturb my well-earned rest.¡¯ He takes a theatrical drag of his cheroot, throws back his head and blows the smoke up into the air. For good measure he brushes back his orange locks from his forehead.If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. He can¡¯t see me due to my Observation Mode. I¡¯ve never really seen him with players before, but I might have guessed he¡¯d milk his role like some kind of Hollywood Z-lister. Grimdark is into it too. ¡®Ah, you evil little rut. I finish you off now. Your career of evil is finish.¡¯ Treebeard says, ¡®I think it¡¯s runt, not rut.¡¯ ¡®Whatever.¡¯ Now, Tye cannot bear comments about his stature. His brow furrows. He jabs a finger at Grimdark. ¡®Who you calling evil?¡¯ ¡®Why, you, you ginger failure.¡¯ Tye plants his feet. ¡®I¡¯m not a failure, and who the hell are you calling ginger, you ginger freak?¡¯ ¡®I not ginger, I merely auburn. But you, you carrot-top!¡¯ He guffaws and Tye who¡¯s clearly had enough mutters arcane syllables, wiggles his fingers and sends a fireball scudding across the room to explode into Grimdark with a blast of heat and stink of sulphur. Grimdark reels back, singed. ¡®Hey! Heal me Treeman, Beardie.¡¯ Treebeard sends green healing. Grimdark mutters, ¡®Hang on.¡¯ Tye shakes his head in disbelief. ¡®Hang on?¡¯ Then he sends another fireball at Treebeard, noticing the druid for the first time. The fire streaks across the room and hits the druid, but he has very high fire resist and he survives it. His wolf, however, does not. Treebeard howls in anguish, watching the crisped wolf fade out of existence. ¡®Joe!¡¯ He turns at Tye and fires a handful of wood splinters at him. They hit Tye who stumbles back from the impact, blood spouting out through his blue robes. ¡®Good,¡¯ Grimdark says. ¡®I put one hundred skill points into Bloat. Now I really Bloat and Rage!¡¯ His face contorts and he goes big and green. I¡¯m guessing he¡¯s increased his hit points and maybe his damage. With a scream, he rushes at Tye, axe raised. Tye counters with a Flaming Ray that hits the barbarian in his bare chest. Grimdark looks down at the black and bloody hole in his chest and roars in anger. Treebeard fires more splinters at Tye. Tye looks badly hurt and he darts back into his bedroom, glugging down a blue healing potion ¡ª one of Bernard¡¯s best. I¡¯m tempted to help, but I can¡¯t. This has to be a fair fight. Grimdark rushes into the bedroom after Tye and stops at the threshold to look around at the dancing blue flames on the ceiling and the cloth-of-gold drapes around the four poster. He whistles in admiration. ¡®Nice pad.¡¯ Treebeard yells, ¡®Get him you oversized dope.¡¯ Tye blasts Treebeard with a Flaming Ray. The druid has high fire resist, but he¡¯s not immune to fire and he catches light. It¡¯s a neat graphical effect, but it doesn¡¯t slow him. He fires more splinters. Tye rolls on the ground, trying to get under the bed, and cracking his head against the ceramic chamber pot, there for dungeon-dressing purposes only. Grimdark raises his axe and slams it down to where Tye was a second before. The blade clangs against the stone flagstones in a scraping of sparks. Tye is under the bed. I¡¯m guessing his healing potion was on cool-down so he¡¯ll have to wait a second. Treebeard mutters and his ivy tendrils snake out again, disappearing under the bed before they pull out a writhing Tye. Tye tries to get off a Flaming Ray but he¡¯s bound up tight by the druid¡¯s tendrils. He throws up his hands to ward off the shooting splinters but takes them full in his chest. He rolls and reaches for the blue healing potion, but before he can raise it to his swollen lips, Grimdark brings down his mighty axe on the wizard¡¯s head killing off my little buddy Tye. I wince, but there¡¯s nothing I can do. The wizard¡¯s ghost shimmers and vanishes back to his spawn point at Silver Drift Mine. ¡®Die, little ginger!¡¯ Grimdark shouts, then licks his lips. ¡®Good Xp from the little rut, no?¡¯ Even Treebeard¡¯s smiling now. ¡®Yeah, good job, Grim.¡¯ The barbarian chortles. ¡®Yeah, is good. Good Grim!¡¯ ¡®Let¡¯s look round for loot.¡¯ They search and find some gold and some Healing Potions (50) and then in the wizard¡¯s bookcase to the side of the bed, he finds the prize loot. Treebeard pulls out a heavy leather tome and leafs through the parchment pages. It¡¯s red leather with gold letters. ¡®Hey, this looks special,¡¯ he says. Grimdark comes over and snatches it out of his hand. ¡®Hey, man, I found that first.¡¯ ¡®It¡¯s instanced,¡¯ Grimdark says, losing his accent and for the first time I realise he is only playing the role of the dumb barbarian. ¡®There¡¯s one for you too.¡¯ Treebeard looks back at the bookcase and pulls out a duplicate tome to the one Grimdark has. The barbarian winks at him. ¡®Grimdark smart, huh?¡¯ Treebeard regards him warily. ¡®Grimdark, smart, for sure.¡¯ ¡®So what is?¡¯ Treebeard¡¯s still suspicious. ¡®You know what it is.¡¯ ¡®No, I merely dumb barbarian. I can¡¯t read.¡¯ I know what the tome is. It¡¯s the boss loot from Level 1 and pretty generous too. It¡¯s a 150 skill boost tome. Each player can only use it once for every skill. Grimdark grabs the book, concentrates hard on it and then a graphic effect of a rain of golden runes appears in the air in front of him. ¡®Haha! Free skill points. I put them in Bloat!¡¯ ¡®I guessed you might,¡¯ Treebeard says. ¡®You?¡¯ ¡®Though it would be best if I put a hundred in Natural Healing and fifty in Magical Beast.¡¯ ¡®Good. I no understand your fancy druid magic, but you are wise. Tree Man.¡¯ ¡®Treebeard.¡¯ ¡®Sure. Let¡¯s go.¡¯ They find a chest containing more gold and some low grade weapons, but are pretty pleased with the tomes, as they should be. They look around the level and before long find the stairs leading downstairs. As they are about to descend, Grimdark sniffs. ¡®Funny smell.¡¯ ¡®Acid,¡¯ Treebeard says. Right again. ¡®I go first.¡¯ ¡®I¡¯ve got acid resist.¡¯ ¡®Give to me?¡¯ ¡®Sure.¡¯ Treebeard mutters magic word and bestows acid resistance on the barbarian. At the bottom of the stairs, he runs into the Acid Shower trap. Between his bloated hit points and the acid resistance, it hardly touches him. It¡¯s a Level 13 trap too. They move on. They get so far down the rocky stone passage and there¡¯s a grinding noise of stone upon stone. Grimdark turns round as an Acid Golem detaches itself from the wall. ¡®Good,¡¯ Grimdark snarls. ¡®I kill this.¡¯ Aceeed! Grimdark smacks the Acid Golem with his huge greataxe, but it keeps on coming. He darts an almost panicked look over his left shoulder to see another Acid Golem detaching itself from the wall. Huge and knobbly with green holes for eyes and huge hands it reaches for the barbarian. Treebeard saves his bacon by conjuring more ivy tendrils that wrap around the second golem¡¯s legs, slowing it while Grimdark deals with the first. ¡®Die, die, die, die!¡¯ Grimdark yells as he rhythmically pounds the stone creature with his axe. The creature reaches and grabs him, its stone fingers gripping into the barbarians tree-trunk like arms. ¡®Heal me, Tree Man.¡¯ Treebeard grunts. He¡¯s got his own problems. The ivy clad second golem has now identified the druid as enemy number one and is lumbering towards him, snapping off ivy roots as he goes. With a mystic word, Treeboard conjures up his wolf, miraculously reborn. The canine leaps at the golem but hardly slows it down. Reaching into his inventory, Treebeard pulls out a knobbly club, technically known as a Shillelagh. It glows green with pleasing gold swirls coming off it, so I know it is magically enhanced. Treebeard leaps forward, raises his club and rains violence upon the shambling stone monster. In front of him, Grimdark reaches down and snatches the golem¡¯s hand away from his muscle with a ¡®how dare you!¡¯ Then he follows up by jamming the head of his axe into the things stomach. I see dust and pebbles fall away and Grimdark has made a hole in the beast. Then it spits acid into his eyes. The barbarian reels back, screaming and dabbing at his eyes with his left hand, his greataxe lolling uselessly in his right. ¡®Heal me, Tree Man!¡¯ With a mighty thwack, Treebeard smashes down his club and knocks off his golem¡¯s right arm. The wolf is still at it, worrying and biting. I see for the first time the wolf¡¯s teeth are in iridescent blue, like the shimmering light inside the mineral labradorite. That must be the druid spell Magic Fang. It¡¯s making a difference too as the wolf has half chewed through the golem¡¯s mighty leg. Treebeard turns and flashes green healing at the barbarian. He mutters some words and renews the Acid Resist spell too, though it can hardly have lapsed so early. Refreshed, Grimdark returns to the attack. One, two, three and four blows and the golem crumbles into a heap of rocks on the floor. Treebeard and his wolf have dealt with their adversary too. Treebeard leans down and tickles his pet on the chin. The wolf seems to like that because it wags its tail. Grimdark is jubilant. ¡®Yes, yes and yes. We kill stone mofos stone dead, yeah?¡¯ ¡®If you say so.¡¯ ¡®But great thanks is due to you, Treeman, for your green healing and not least to your shaggy doggy.¡¯ He points at the wolf. ¡®It¡¯s a wolf, not a dog.¡¯ ¡®But both are canine friends, no?¡¯ Grimdark raises a big finger to point and accompanies it with a winning smile. ¡®Let¡¯s keep going,¡¯ Treebeard mutters. ¡®More xp though, yes? Soon we level again!¡¯ ¡®I¡¯m a way off the next level.¡¯ ¡®Me too, but every journey begins with a small step, or two dead golems. Am I right?¡¯ His still laughing until he sees a woollen dolly lying on the passage floor in front of them as they turn round the corner. I know this one. Grimdark points. ¡®Dolly!¡¯ ¡®Yes, it¡¯s bound to be a trap.¡¯ But Grimdark isn¡¯t listening. He bounds forward, axe tucked under his armpit while he reaches down and snatches for the doll in one smooth swoop. That triggers the trap mechanism and steel ribbons shoot out to wrap around his ankles and hold him in place while the acid shower starts overhead, drenching him in hydrochloric. ¡®Oww, yow, yow; this burn bad.¡¯ Treebeard throws him a heal. ¡®If you didn¡¯t have my Acid Resist, you¡¯d be dead.¡¯ ¡®And my mighty skill Bloat, to engorge my hit points.¡¯ ¡®I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s the right use of the word engorge.¡¯ ¡®Okay, just get me from under here.¡¯ Treebeard goes as far forward as is safe, motioning for the wolf to sit behind him. He rubs his chin while the barbarian suffers chemical burns. ¡®Not sure how to get you out of this.¡¯ ¡®Hurry, heal me.¡¯ Obliginly, Treebeard heals him again, but he¡¯s stumped about the trap. ¡®So?¡¯ Grimdark is beginning to look desperate. ¡®Really it¡¯s a pity you blew up our rogue.¡¯ ¡®I no blew up rogue. Was gas.¡¯ ¡®Yes, and your torch.¡¯ Grimdark shrugs and winces in pain. Even his Bloated hitpoints have to run out at some point. Then Treebeard says, ¡®Aha.¡¯ He¡¯s noticed something. He wanders over to the wall and kicks a stone. That was the on/off mechanism cunningly disguised. The acid stops spouting with a wheeze and the steel ribbons go slack. In fact they must be some kind of acid resistant metal, because they would have melted, though maybe that¡¯s just a story flaw. Treebeard heals Grimdark again and they go forward. They finish off a few more golems and then come out into the large cavern. The path leads to a bridge. Now, I know that this bridge will collapse if three adventurers stand on it at the same time and that when it collapses, it dumps the adventurers into a river of acid, where carnivorous acid loving eels dwell. If they survived they¡¯d find some nice loot at the bottom of the river, including, ironically an Acid Resist potion. Not that anyone does survive it. There¡¯s another way over the river by way of a crystal boat that lies out of sight to the left, but they don¡¯t see that, or see the need for it. Grimdark goes to the little hump-backed brige and peers over into the river. ¡®Come, Tree,¡¯ he says pointing. Treebeard joins him. Just one more person on the bridge and it¡¯ll go in. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. They both look into the river. ¡®Stinky burny,¡¯ Grimdark says. ¡®And green with bubbles.¡¯ ¡®But the smell is the worst.¡¯ ¡®It¡¯s acid.¡¯ ¡®Yes, I know.¡¯ ¡®Fatal, probably.¡¯ ¡®Oh yes, if you fell in.¡¯ ¡®Which we¡¯re not going to.¡¯ Treebeard turns, and clicks his tongue. The wolf, that had been waiting patiently where it had been told to sit when they first peered into the cavern, trots forward. It takes three people to collapse the bridge. I wonder if the wolf is heavy enough. The two adventurers stand on the trapped bridge, Grimdark staring into the river, as if fascinated by the corrosive, green water. ¡®Hey, there¡¯s fishes in there.¡¯ ¡®Fish. The plural of fish is fish.¡¯ ¡®Fishes.¡¯ ¡®You don¡¯t say sheeps do you?¡¯ ¡®Yes.¡¯ Treebeard sighs and calls encouragingly to his wolf who has stopped for some reason about two feet shy of the bridge. Maybe it can sense the trap? ¡®Come on, boy.¡¯ The wolf begins forward, steps onto the bridge, and¡ª ¡ªit doesn¡¯t collapse. Ah, well. It was a nice idea. Then I think of myself. I¡¯m totally invisible to them in Observation Mode. I can¡¯t be interacted with at all, but do I weigh anything? That¡¯s an interesting question. I¡¯ve been standing just before the bridge to the side of the pebble strewn path. I can smell the acrid stench in the air, so I am present here. But do I weigh anything? Only one way to find out. I walk up to the bridge. I need to be quick before they stroll on, even though Grimdark seems enthralled by the darting ribbon shaped Acid Eels. I¡¯m about to step onto the bridge proper, when I hesitate. This would be cheating. They¡¯ve done well for two low level guys, one of whom seems to be an idiot. It wouldn¡¯t be fair to end their adventure by plunging them into the acid river. Not that they¡¯d ever know. They¡¯d just think they¡¯d triggered some trap. And then I look at them and realise I have invested somehow in their progress. They¡¯re not evil minions of Satanus, they¡¯re just regular adventurers like I was before I got involved in this Holy War thing. ¡®Come on, Grimdark, I have to go eat at some point.¡¯ Treebeard steps off the bridge, and my chance is lost. Grimdark follows him and now I couldn¡¯t collapse the bridge, even if I wanted to. They follow the stony trail out of the cavern. There are some bits of loot and Treebeard picks up an Acid Resist potion. He tosses the tiny crystal bottle to Grimdark. ¡®Here, you¡¯ll need this when I¡¯m gone.¡¯ ¡®You go?¡¯ Grimdark catches the bottle but looks puzzled anyway. Treebeard shakes his head. ¡®Come on. I don¡¯t have all day.¡¯ The theme of this level is the Acid Alchemist, who is Bernard. He has a bunch of Iron Golems constructing some weird magic stuff down here and eventually, when Grimdark and Treebeard blunder into his chambers, he¡¯s ready with his speech. ¡®Who goes there?¡¯ He calls as the two adventurers enter. Bernard is going to be a tough one to beat because he has his Alchemical Rune Sword and as many potions as he cares to quaff. The only limit on his power seems to be the potion cool-down time. Grimdark sees the shabby alchemist and yells, ¡®Time to die, freak!¡¯ All ideas of a fancy boss speech forgotten, Bernard yells, ¡®Hey, who you calling a freak?¡¯ He draws the Runesword out of its scabbard and calls to the Iron Golems. The great iron machines stand silent in the corners of the room. There are four of them. As they begin to move the wolf barks and snarls at them. Treebeard casts his ivy spell and it binds the legs of the nearest Iron Golem. He catches it just as it starts to step out and it overbalances and comes crashing down face first on the stone floor. There is the sound of breaking machinery and the thing lies writhing in mechanical spasms on the ground. But there are still some more of them. A flask hurtles through the air and breaks on the ground in front of the adventurers. Clouds of white smoke billow out, obscuring what¡¯s going on. This is one of Bernard¡¯s tricks. I know he has some special goggles that he puts on to see through the smoke, so he¡¯ll be wearing those now. He can see, but the adventurer¡¯s can¡¯t. Then a coruscating trail indicates where one of Bernard¡¯s Flasks of Light is coming at them. ¡®Move,¡¯ yells Grimdark and shoves Treebeard as the flask explodes where they were standing. Those flasks blind and do damage so they¡¯re best avoided. Treebeard mutters some words and a sweet breeze springs up, driving away the cloud to reveal a be-goggled Bernard, rune sword glittering in hand, advancing. There are still three golems left. Scratch that: two. Grimdark chops a golem behind its right knee and hamstrings it so it goes a clatter to lie on top of its stricken brother. ¡®These Golems piss easy,¡¯ Grimdark yells and runs after the closest of the remaining two. Bernard is advancing on him, sword up. Grimdark smashes another golem¡¯s leg and Bernard slashes him on the naked back with his runesword. I see a flood of red as the Bleed Rune engages, there is also a Dazzle rune and Grimdark¡¯s go to his blinded eyes. There¡¯s also a Fascination Rune and soon Grimdark is under its influence and rooted to the spot. He¡¯s going to die soon. I hear Bernard cackle and raise his sword for the killing blow. Behind him, Treebeard yells, ¡®Eat wood, alchemist?¡¯ and a stream of wooden splinters shoots across the distance between them striking Bernard who bleeds and reels away, clutching his chest, screaming, ¡®You scoundrel!¡¯ Grimdark breaks free from the power of the Fascination Rune and, still blind swings his greataxe, missing Bernard but nearly hitting Treebeard who¡¯s run across. Luckily no friendly fire is allowed in Camelot, so the druid is unharmed. Bernard lunges at the druid, fascinating, blinding and bleeding him, but bad for him, he¡¯s stepped into the arc of Grimdark¡¯s wildly swinging axe and he gets the blade full in the chest with a thud. Bernard gulps down a blue healing potion but Treebeard fires more splinters and Bernard falls backwards, dead. ¡®What the¡­¡¯ Treebeard grunts as an Iron Golem picks him up by his green hair, swings him round and splats him against the stone wall. Grimdark becomes suddenly sighted and rubbing his eyes, takes in the carnage. Bernard and Treebeard both shimmer for a while as silent ghosts then vanish. There are two golems left. Silently and expertly, Grimdark chops them down then stands there, panting, leaning on his axe, his ginger braids drenched in sweat, sweat beading on his brow. ¡®Well, well, well,¡¯ he says, then sees the loot chest. He wanders over to it almost casually. He must think he¡¯s alone now, though I¡¯m still here. He opens the chest with a musical chord and a rain of gold and silver sparkles. Inside is gold, silver, jewels, pearls, the works. There are also two or three fifty-sip blue healing potions in the loot chest. He takes those too, but the main loot is the Hazidic Magic Mirrors. They stand silently in the corners of Bernard¡¯s room. One in the north west and one in the south east corner. They¡¯re draped in dirty sheets so he might not realise they are something worthwhile. But he does. Grimdark strolls over to the north west one and lifts the sheet. ¡®Curiouser and curiouser,¡¯ he says and gingerly leans forward and puts out a big finger to touch the silvered glass. His finger goes through the glass. ¡®Well, well, well,¡¯ he says again and puts his hand intot he mirror and wiggles it around. Unbeknown to him there is a lump under the sheet coming from the mirror in the opposite corner, but he can¡¯t see that because his back is turned. ¡®Ah well,¡¯ he says and lifts his foot to step into the mirror. As his body disappears from this mirror it emerges from the other, covered in a sheet which he pushes out of the way. He comes out laughing. ¡®Well, I¡¯ll be damned.¡¯ Then he looks at them, wondering how he¡¯s going to carry the mirrors home and whether they will fit into his inventory. As he¡¯s considering this, his eye is caught by a door in the far wall. He scratches his head. ¡®I thought this was the end of the dungeon,¡¯ he says to himself then casually walks over to the door. He turns the crystal doorknob and opens the door to reveal stairs down. This is the level of the holy warrior, Fitheach the Saint. Even I haven¡¯t explored this level properly. With a grin, mirrors forgotten, Grimdark takes his greataxe in both hands and steps down the stairs.