《Despite not Being a Hero, Saint, or Even a Demon King, I was Summoned》


 1) I was summoned to another world and now theres blood in my slippers.

    There was a bright flash of light, a vague pulling sensation at my core, and thenI was standing in the middle of a magic circle. The circle was drawn in dark purple chalk outlined with a sickly yellow glow, had a thin white candle at each of the five points, and once again, I was standing in the middle of it.


    I may have scored an atrocious 43% on my last science test, but that didn''t mean I was stupid.


    Magic circle + weird glow + pulling sensation and sudden teleportation = some poor sap tried to summon a demon or something and ended up with me instead.


    Said poor sap was wearing a pitch black robe with a deep cowl hiding their whole face.


    "Hi," I said.


    They didn''t say hi back and instead consulted the thick tome resting beside them.


    "Not what you expected?"


    "..."


    "Yeah, if I was trying to summon a demon - youaretrying to summon a demon, right? - for whatever reasons, I wouldn''t expect a person wearing a bright red apron and holding a soapy frying pan in their equally soapy hands to suddenly appear either. I was in the middle of washing the dishes, you see."


    "..."


    "Not really one for conversation, are you? Well, that''s alright. I can talk enough for both of us."


    "..."


    "I like what you''ve done with the room. It''s very dark, dank, and has a really nice demon summoningy feel."


    "..."


    "Oh, I didn''t notice it before, but is that real blood I''m standing in? Wait, stupid question, of course it''s real blood. Only the real thing would do, huh? Guess I should have asked if it was human or animal blood."


    "..."


    "I''m not wearing the best shoes for standing in blood right now though. I don''t think I''ve ever worn the best shoes for standing in blood actually. What would the best shoes for standing in blood even be? Whatever they are, they certainly aren''t house slippers."


    "..."


    "Speaking of house slippers, apparently some households don''t require people to take off their outside shoes when they go inside the house. I was pretty surprised when I heard that. But I finally understood what those ads for mops - y''know, the ones with the white suburban mums frowning down at the mud on the wooden floors - were talking about. Of course there''s gonna be mudstains all over your floor if your kids don''t change their shoes before running all around the house."


    "..."


    "I know I said I could talk enough for both of us, but some form of acknowledgement would be nice, you know? Like a shrug, or a grunt, or even a ''shut up'' would be good."


    "Do you ever stop talking?"


    "Or that. That works. Your voice is surprisingly high-pitched. Those robes billow out so much, I thought you were sitting down. Now I see that you''re actually just a kid."


    "Answer my question."


    "Okay, okay, chill, chill. Yes."


    "..."


    He went back to reading his book.


    "Oi, don''t go back to ignoring me now. Oi. Oi. Ooooooiiiiiiiiii-"


    "Shut up."


    "''Kay."


    I managed to keep my mouth shut for a full minute.


    "Hate to ask, but mind letting me outta the circle?" I said, taking a step forward. "The smell of blood''s-"


    The kid''s head snapped up at my words and he yelled, "Stop right there!"


    I froze, one foot hovering precariously about five centimetres above the ground.


    "Uh," I said, "Like, right here?"


    "Yes."


    "That''s real sadistic of you, kid, I''m already tired of holding my leg up like this."


    "Not my problem," he said, going back to his book.


    "Well that''s just mean."


    I managed to hold my position for exactly thirty seconds. Then I just gave up and walked out of the circle. I crouched down beside where the kid was intently staring at his book.


    "What we lookin'' at?"


    The kid started, letting out a rather cute squeak, and scrambled away from me until his back hit the only visible door leading into the room. His hood fell off with his abrupt movements, and I raised an eyebrow at his ridiculously bright red (like red red, not ginger red) hair with equally ridiculously bright green eyes. He started spluttering, seemingly in shock that I had stopped doing what he said.


    "You- What- How did you-?"


    "I walked, I guess?" I replied.


    "Not that! You shouldn''t be able to leave the circle before your summoner allows you to!"


    "Ah." I looked at the circle I had just walked out from. There was a line of bloody footprints blurring the purple chalk and the yellow glow was gone. Good, because that shade of yellow was just appalling. "The circle was probably defective, or incomplete, whatever. Seems like it didn''t have anything protecting it from simply being rubbed out by who or whatever was summoned, or was missing that crucial ''trap'' piece, which would have, well, trapped me in there. Word of advice, kiddo, next time you try to summon an all-powerful being, make sure to prepare your circle for anything that could go wrong, yeah? You''re lucky it was just me this time."


    He narrowed his pretty green eyes at me. "How do you know all that?"


    "I read a lot. Like, a lot."


    "Hmph."


    There was a moment of silence, neither of us knowing what was supposed to happen next. I wondered what his name was.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    <blockquote>


    Name: Arswen of Cleimeph


    Level: 13


    Age: 10


    Race: Human??[Details]


    Afflictions: None?? [Details]


    Occupation: None


    HP: 110/110


    MP: 30/530


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    ...I asked for his name, not a full-on fucking analysis.


    The translucent green screen did not answer. I slowly lowered the frying pan to the ground, then slapped both hands on my face, belatedly realizing that they were still soapy and wet. So now I had lemon-scented soap suds on my face, a screen that belonged in a VRMMORPG,and a 10 year old boy named Arswen staring at me.


    Great.


    "...What are you doing?"


    "Regretting the action of slapping my hands on my face."


    I finally sat down, stretching my legs out before crossing them.


    "So, Arswen," I said, wiping my face with my apron, "were you trying to summon a demon?"


    Arswen stared at me for a few seconds longer, then answered, "Yes."


    "What for?"


    "Why do you need to know?"


    I shrugged. "I don''t, but it would be nice to know for what reason I was dragged out of my world and into yours."


    "What makes you think you''re in a different world?"


    "Well, last I checked, my world didn''t have floating green screens telling me somebody''s name, level, age, yadda yah, and-"


    "What?"


    "I said, last I checked, my world didn''t have-"


    "-floating green screens telling you somebody''s name, level, age, and ''yadda yah''?" he interrupted.


    I frowned at him. "If you heard me the first time-"


    "Are you absolutely sure there is a floating screen showing you my information?"


    "Can you, like, stop inter-"


    "Are you absolutely sure there is a floating screen showing you my information."


    "Yes," I huffed, gesturing to it."How else would I know your name? Can you not see it or something?"


    "No, I cannot," he said, crawling quickly to my side and snatching up his book. He started flipping frantically through the pages, searching for who knows what.


    "Oh. Well then."


    Arswen finally found what he was looking for and held the book up triumphantly. He shoved it into my face.


    "Read it."


    I pushed the book away from my face until I could actually read it, and squinted at the cursive in the dim lighting.


    I have discovered something interesting. I was interviewing the people in a small village called Shayre, when a young man came up to me and asked to speak to me in private. This was nothing new, as my topics of research have caused much controversy, and situations in which I am surrounded by people with the intention of forcefully discouraging me from my pursuit of knowledge are not uncommon. I have confidence in my ability to defend myself in such situations, however, so I saw no harm in hearing him out. And I am quite glad I did.


    This young man first asked me to [Evaluate] him and look at his skills specifically. I did as he asked and recited them to him as well. [Evaluate]was not among them.He then proceeded to tell me my full name, level, age, birthday, and other pieces of information even someone with the highest level of [Evaluate] could not have known. As I was staring at him in amazement, this young man, who does not wish for his name to be mentioned even in my private journal, confessed that for as long as he could remember, instead of hearing the Divine Words, he would see coloured rectangles in the air. These coloured rectangles also appeared whenever he wanted to know about something, and [Evaluate Block] appeared to have no affect on his unique ability.


    I skimmed over the rest, and pushed the book back toArswen.


    "So, you think I''m the same as the guy the author is talking about."


    He nodded.


    "Right. What are Divine Words?"


    "They''re words that appear in our minds when we gain a level, level up or use a skill, or do other actions, like entering a dungeon. Some say that Divine Words are the words of God, hence the name. The main religion of this world is centred around Divine Words. Idon''t practise it though."


    I nodded in understanding. This world was turning out to be more and more like something right out of a light novel. Well, whatever. That wasn''t really important. What was important was:


    "Is there anything in that book of yours that can send me back?"


    Arswen turned back to the page with the magic circle and read through it.


    "...No."


    "Yeah, I didn''t think so," I sighed. He had been trying to summon a demon, after all, and demons presumably had the means to send themselves back to wherever they came from once they finished whatever task they had been summoned to do.


    "Well," I leant back and placed my hands on the floor behind me. "Since I''m stuck here for the foreseeable future, you might as well tell me why you needed a demon. Maybe I can help you with your problem, in exchange for food and board. Sound good?"


    The boythought about it, tugging on a lock of bright red hair. He eyed me contemplatively.


    "Fine," he decided. "I''ll tell you."


    Arswen was the third and youngest son. The oldest, Arslop (20), had gone off to Nonloso, the capital city of Talcapian and where the royal family resided, and become a Royal Knight, one serving directly under the Second Prince. He hadn''t been able to come home recently because of the war between Talcapian and its neighbour Esturus.


    The second son, Arsral (15), was an extremely sickly person who was confined to a wheelchair. His expensive treatment was a large part of the reason his older brother decided to go apply to be a Royal Knight.


    The brothers'' parents had died in a monster attack three years ago. Their father had been a scholar (the journal in which Arswen had found the magic circle had been his) and their mother had been a rather powerful mage, which was why all three siblings had a higher magical potential than most. The two had eloped and settled down in the then small town of Etir, opening a small shop called Cleimeph, which was a combination of their names.


    Arsral had found their father''s journal half a year ago and had immediately given it to Arswen, who had far more of an interest in magic and the like. Arswen, finding the circle, had taken three months to gather the necessary materials, and another three to prepare the room and circle, then finally did the actual summoning itself today, which resulted in the situation I currently found myself in.


    "I wanted someone to help my brother manage the shop while I was in school, and dive in the local dungeon in search of more things to sell," he finished.


    I nodded my head in understanding and said, "So basically, you were curious about your father''s circle and wanted to know if it would really summon a powerful being."


    He flushed red and yelled, "No! Have you even been listening to what I''ve been saying?"


    "Kid, your words don''t fool me." I leveled a flat stare at him. "You''re interested in magic, pretty much worship your father if the way your face lit up when you mentioned him is any indication, and a Royal Knight''s salary is a hell of a lot. If your brother has managed the shop on his own in his condition for three years, he can manage it for a hell of a lot more."


    "His condition has been worsening lately," he countered.


    "If you can afford all the materials listed in that journal," I pointed at a paragraph beneath the circle, which included things like ''unicorn hoof blessed by Titania herself'', "then you can afford to hire a live-in nurse or just someone to help manage the shop when you''re not around. Just admit it, you were fooling around."


    Arswen turned his head away petulantly. "Hmph."


    I sighed and covered my eyes with a (now dry and soap-free) hand. "Well, whatever. I''m here now. In exchange for food and a place to stay, I''ll help you guys out. Deal?"


    I held my other hand out for him to take.


    Arswen pursed his lips. "I''ll have to confirm with Arslop, but fine. Deal."


    He shook my hand, and violet fire erupted from where our skin met.


    <blockquote>


    You have made a deal with [Arswen of Cleimeph].


    </blockquote>


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached. [Deal] has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    <blockquote>


    [Deal] Level 1


    When your client is about act against a deal, they will receive a warning from the System.


    Level 2:When your client is about act against a deal, they will receive a warning from the System. When they break the deal, they will receive a medium electric shock.


    </blockquote>


    I stared at our hands, and then at the messages that had popped up.


    Ah, fuck.

 2) Contrary to popular belief, I am not a demon. I repeat, I am not a demon.

    ¡°That... was not supposed to happen.¡±


    The cool violet flames continued flickering on my hand and up my arm for a few seconds before finally fading away. I looked over at the wide-eyed Arswen.


    ¡°So... does that journal of yours mention anything about this?¡±


    He shook his head. ¡°No. All pages concerning the demon Father summoned were ripped out.¡± Then, in a mumble, ¡°That¡¯s a large part of the reason why I was so interested in the circle.¡±


    Ha, now he admits it.


    I leered. He glared.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you ask those screens of yours what they are?¡± Arswen snapped.


    ¡°Oh, good idea.¡±


    Remembering what it had referred to itself as, I thought out, Oi, System, what¡¯s the deal with the flames? Like, they¡¯re pretty, but what the hell are they?


    <blockquote>


    Demon Flames


    Magical flames exclusive to High Demons. Every High Demon''s flames are a unique colour. Can substitute MP. Inexhaustible. Tied to one''s life force.


    </blockquote>


    First thought: Thank you.


    Second thought: Wait, there¡¯s something wrong with that description.


    Third: ¡®Magical flames exclusive to High Demons¡¯, ¡®exclusive to High Demons¡¯, ¡®exclusive to High Demons¡¯¡­


    [Status]


    <blockquote>


    Name: Joan Wang


    Level: 1


    Age: 16


    Race: Human ??[Details]


    Afflictions: None ??[Details]


    Occupation: None


    HP: 50/50


    MP: 100/100


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    Ooookay, first off, my level was a pathetic 1. Did that mean that experience points came purely from killing monsters? (If there were even monsters in this world. But Arswen had mentioned dungeon diving, so I was working under the assumption that this was your typical fantasy RPG world.) But then that would mean that Arswen, a tiny ten year old had been sent out to the field several times before, and that was just fucked up.


    Or maybe the experience points started gathering from the moment we entered this world and came from doing, well, anything really. Well, I''d been in this world for less than an hour, so I guess I could figure the level thing out later.


    Second,High Demon? What was the difference between High Demon and a normal one? Were there even normal demons? What even was a demon? I had so many questions.


    But no, that wasn''t what I should have been focusing on. What I should have been focusing on was:


    Race: [Details]


    <blockquote>


    [Details]


    Pure human blood. Of East Asian descent.


    </blockquote>


    So, yeah. That, combined with the ''exclusive to High Demons'' thing, made no sense whatsoever.


    "So," Arswen demanded, "what were they?"


    "''Demon Flames: Magical flames exclusive to High Demons that appear when using-''"


    "''Exclusive to High Demons?'' What''s a High Demon? I thought you said you were human!"


    "I''d like to know what a High Demon is too! And I amhuman!"


    "Liar!"


    "It says right here on my status screen that I''m of ''pure human blood''!"This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    "Then why can you use this ''exclusive to High Demons'' skill?!"


    "That''s what I''d like to know!"I threw my hands up in the air, dismissing the screens with a thought.


    "Wen? Who are you talking to?"A voice from outside the door suddenly broke in.


    "Crap!" Arswen hissed and lurched forward. "It''s my brother! Hide, quickly!"


    I stared at him and gestured around the room. The big, metallic smelling room devoid of anything save for a few candles, a book, and a whole lot of blood.


    "Where?" I inquired. "Behind the candles? Under your dad''s journal? Or shall I attempt to submerge myself in this oh-so-deep pool of blood?"


    "Wen?" the voice asked again.


    "No one, Ral! There''s no one in here but me! I was just reading something out loud."


    There was a moment of silence, during which Arswen crossed his fingers and muttered pleas to a higher power under his breath.


    "...I''m coming in."


    Higher powers were evidently not in the boy''s favour today. The door opened even as he leapt up to block it, and a teenager with hair the same bright shade of red as Arswen looked down at where the boy had tripped and fallen. He did not look impressed. Then he looked up, spotted me, and looked even less impressed.


    "Hi," I said, and waved. His eyes travelledto the circle behind me, to the open journal, and finally back on a guilty looking Arswen. I could practically see him putting the pieces of what had happened in this room together in his mind.


    "Arswen," he said finally, "we need to have a talk."


    He gave me a curt nod-


    "Please excuse us."


    -and dragged an unresisting Arswen out of the room, shutting the door behind them.


    "Yeah, okay," I said to the closed door. "Take your time. I''ll just be sitting here... in this room... with only a few candles for light... and an overactive imagination..."


    I lit myself on fire. It didn''t help.


    The flickering light of the Demon Flames only made the dark seem more likely to jump out at me and gave everything an eerie purple hue. So I concentrated on them, imagining the light condensing into a single solid white ball.


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached. [Light Orb] has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    Nice.


    I let the orb float out of my cupped hands and nudged it up towards the ceiling, where it came to rest on the wood, bouncing slightly.


    Time to check out my skills list.


    [Status]


    <blockquote>


    Name: Joan Wang


    Level: 1


    Age: 16


    Race: Human ??[Details]


    Afflictions: None ??[Details]


    Occupation: None


    HP: 50/50


    MP: 100/100


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    Nothing had changed since the first time I brought it up, which meant that Demon Flames actually were used when MP usually would be.


    I called the ball back into my open hand, and let it float there for a moment.


    [Skills]


    <blockquote>


    [Deal] Level 1


    [Light Orb] Level 1


    </blockquote>


    Two skills. Two. Deux. Zwei. Duo.§¥§Ó§Ñ.?. ¶þ¤Ä. Á½¸ö.


    I sighed. Well, I supposed it made sense. If my ''experience points'' - or whatever was used to determine my level - from my original world didn''t carry over into this one, of course any skills wouldn''t either.


    Oh well. Might as well check out the description of Light Orb. I chucked the one floating in my hand across the room and pulled up[Light Orb].


    <blockquote>


    [Light Orb]Level 1


    A ball made of light.


    </blockquote>


    No really? Why, I could have sworn it was made of something else!


    <blockquote>


    Has no offensive or defensive abilities. Illuminates up to 2m in every direction. You can maintain up to 1 Light Orb(s) at a time.


    Level 2:A ball made of light.Has no offensive or defensive abilities. Illuminates up to 2m in every direction. You can maintain up to 2 Light Orb(s) at a time.


    </blockquote>


    I tried to summon another Light Orb, and as it formed in my hand, the one I had thrown across the room faded away. I summoned another in my right hand, and the same thing happened to the one in my left.


    Glancing towards the shut door, I decided I still had plenty of time before the brothers finished their ''talk'', and went back to experimenting with the Light Orb.


    I imagined tendrils of pure white light stretching out, and twisting together to create a four strand braid of light. ThenI made another braid and tied the two together in a reef knot.


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached. [Light Manipulation] has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    Very nice. I let the knot undo itself and melt back into a ball of light.


    I wondered what other shapes it could take, and whether I could make it solid.


    I stretched it out until it looked like a giant toothpick and compressed it until it was the size of one. The light it gave off was still as strong as its untoothpicked form. I threw it at the opposite wall.


    It lost its toothpick shape as it flew and by the time it reached the other side of the room, it was back to being a perfectly round ball of light.


    "Oh, boo."


    Maybe if I created it from scratch its shape would stay? I gathered a bunch of Demon Flames and did the same thing I had to the Light Orb. I focused on the image of a toothpick as it grew smaller and smaller.


    There was flash of light. A wooden toothpick fell from midair and clattered onto the floor.


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached. [Conjure] has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    "Eh."


    <hr>


    Imagine howthe Cleimeph brothers must have felt when they came back.


    Me, lying on the cold stone floor, making an toothpick angel in the toothpicks that blanketed the floor.


    "Hi," I greeted, snapping my fingers.


    Another toothpick appeared in mid-air and bounced off my arm.

 3) So I was told I have a disappointing personality, which is just rude.

    "So, my brother has explained the events which led up to your arrival here." Arsral laced his fingers together in front of his mouth and stared imperiously at me. I shifted nervously and my back automatically straightened under his gaze.


    <blockquote>


    Name: Arsral of Cleimeph


    Level: 17


    Age: 15


    Race: Human??[Details]


    Afflictions: Chronic Mana Deficiency??[Details]


    Occupation: Shopkeeper


    HP: 165/165


    MP: 5/700


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    We were sitting at the opposite ends of a wooden table in the kitchen. The frying pan that had been summoned with me lay in front of me. Arswen was off somewhere else washing the blood off my slippers.


    When Arswen had told me about his sickly brother, I had imagined a soft, gentle looking pretty boy stuck in a wheelchair, with a motherly smile and disposition. I only got the pretty boy stuck in a wheelchair part right. Arsral looked and acted more like an ice queen than a mother, and his almond eyes only added to that image.


    "He has not, however, told me your name."


    "I''m Joan." Going by the ''of Cleimeph'' part of the brother''s names,I figured only nobles and the like had family names in this world.


    "Joan? What a strange name."


    "Ahaha, I am from a different world, that might have something to do with it...?"


    "Hm. What level are you, Joan?"


    "Uh... 1?"


    Arsral arched an eyebrow. I opened my mouth to explain. He waved his hand dismissively. I closed my mouth.


    "As long as you don''t have the attributes of a baby, it doesn''t matter. I saw you lift that frying pan earlier, so you obviously don''t," he said. "How old are you, Joan?"


    "16."


    "Can you read?"


    "I could read your father''s journal."


    "Have you ever worked in an item shop before?"


    "Sorta? Last summer I got a job in a stationery shop."


    "Summer?"


    "The, uh, hottest season of the year, that where I come from starts in December, the last month of the year and lasts three months, ending in February, the second month of the next year, and uh, how do your calendars work? Are there twelve months as well? Does each month have around 30 days? Does each day contain 24 hours? Wait, do you even use those units of measurement? Wait, do you even-"


    "Shut up."


    "Yes, sir." I obediently shut up and made a zipping motion over my mouth.


    "We do seem to use the same units of measurement for time. A day is 24 hours, an hour is 60 minutes, and a minute is 60 seconds. Am I right to assume it''s the same where you''re from?"


    I nodded twice in confirmation.


    "Seven days is a week, four weeks is a month, and 13 months is a year. We don''t have names for our months."


    I nodded again, this time in understanding.


    "The last day of a year is not part of any month and is a holiday, that, in Talcapian, we call Risday. There''s a story behind that, but you can ask Arswen to tell you later. I think Esturus calls Risday ''Vonior''."If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    I wanted to ask if they had leap days, but then decided that it was too much trouble.


    "Right now is the 2nd day of the 5th month, and of the week it''s Fourday. Fourth day of the week, obviously."


    It was similar to how China named their calendar as well. I nodded.


    "Now that that''s out of the way, can you do simple calculations?"


    I nodded.


    "What''s 6+19?"


    "25."


    "15+89?"


    "Um, a hundred and... four?"


    "4x9."


    "36."


    "6x12?"


    Uh, 5x12 is 60, add another 12 is-


    "72."


    "Alright," Arsral acknowledged. "That''s good enough. You''re hired."


    "Yay."


    "Welcome to Cleimeph. And as our newest employee," he said, rolling around the table and handing me a broom that had previously been propped up against the wall, "your first job will be to clean up the mess you made in the empty storeroom."


    "That''s fair."


    <hr>


    "And that adds up to 1350 tals in total." I smiled brightly as the adventurer fumbled one large and four silver coins out. A small silver coin was worth 100 tals, and a large one was 1000. I swept it off the counter into the coin drawer and handed back five large bronze coins back. They were worth 10 tals each. Small ones were worth 1. There were also small and large gold coins, worth 10000 and 100000 tals, but most people preferred to carry around silvers. "Here''s your change. Please come back to shop at Cleimeph again!"


    As soon as the customer had left the shop, I slumped over the counter bonelessly and sighed. To be fair, as far as retail jobs went, this one was pretty good. Most of the customers were well-mannered, my boss was fair, and I didn''t have to worry about food or board or school.


    We''d get the occasional asshole, but Arsral had even less tolerance for them than I did and fully supported telling them to get the hell out. That was made easier by the fact that my 165cm stature was about the same asthe average adult male in Talcapian. Which meant it was entirely possible for me to be the tallest person in the room. I was absolutely ecstatic when I realized.


    I''d been here for about whole week now, and had gained three levels. All my skills apart from [Deal] had also risen to level 4. My summoning had been on Fourday night, so after I''d finished sweeping all the toothpicks into a bag, I had been led to the spare room and told that was where I''d be staying from then on.


    In the room had been a bed and nightstand, an empty closet, and a washbasin with a magic stone to produce the water. All I had to do was touch it and it would take some of my mana and producewater. The used water was then poured out the window at the back of the building.


    My job as Arsral''s assistant also involved activating magic stones for him, as his chronic mana deficiency kept his MP levels at an already dangerous 5. Any lower than that and he''d slip into a coma until someone got his levels back to normal (for him).


    The next day was Fiveday, and I spent it learning the ropes of managing the shop. I watched Arsral smile and make small talk with customers, and was just slightly weirded out by how different it was from what I had seen so far.


    In the evening, an old woman whose hair might have once been a deep purple came over for dinner. That was another difference between our worlds. Over here, hair colours like purple, blue, green and pink were common, red, ginger and blonde was uncommon, and naturally brown and black hair was unheard of. Because of that, I got more than a few stares from people who came to the shop.


    Arswen and Arsral called the woman Aunt Detion, and her visit corrected one misassumption the brothers had.


    <hr>


    "So your name is Joan? Have these boys been treating you well?"


    "Yes, ma''am. It was really nice of them to take me in and give me a job after they found out I had nowhere to go."


    Even though it was Arswen''s fault in the first place that I''m here.


    I smiled winningly at the old woman. Always be polite to your elders, people, they might give you food later on.


    "Just call me Aunt Detion. Hm, you say that, but is it really alright for a young woman such as yourself to stay in a house with only boys?"


    "Um, Aunt Detion, Joan is male," Arswen piped up.


    "I am?"


    "Joan is?"


    Aunt Detion and I spoke at the same time, looking at the boy in confusion.


    "You''re not?"


    Arsral and Arswenwere both confused.


    "No, I''m female," I said. I ran a hand through my short black hair. "Is it the hair?"


    "Partly," Arsral answered. Hegestured to his ears. "And the height. It was mostly the piercings though. Generally, only men pierce their ears, and only the most testosterone driven pierce their ears more than just once or more than just their earlobes."


    He gave a pointed look to the triple lobe piercings and single cartilage piercing in each ear.


    "Where I come from, it''s fashion," I defended. "This is pretty mild, compared to what some people do. I once knew a girl who had so many piercings on her face that we always joked she was more metal than flesh. And you didn''t have a problem with it before."


    "That''s because I thought it would help drive out annoying customers. If you kept your mouth shut and frowned, you''d be pretty intimidating."


    I blinked. Was that a compliment?


    "Really, your personality is just so disappointing."


    "Hey!"


    <hr>


    At the end of the meal, as Aunt Detion was preparing to leave, she came up to me and pressed something wrapped in paper into my hands.


    "Here," she said, "sweet pastries as a welcoming gift. If you ever have any problems, come to Aunt Detion, alright?"


    Score. Pastries. And a person to askfor help when my period came.


    "Will do."


    See? Be nice to old people, and they''ll give you food.

 4) My earring broke and I have no way to fix it. Someone comfort me, damnit.

    I stared at my broken earring mournfully. I had gotten this pair as a gift from my friends for my 16th birthday. One was a grinning silver skull with small red gems for eyes, and the other was a silver heart with a large crack running down it. Ironically, it was the skull one that was broken, not the heart. When I had picked it up to put it on this morning, the post had snapped right off and fallen to the ground, making me spend a full ten minutes trying to retrieve it.


    Normally, I could just glue it back on. Being summoned to another world didn¡¯t exactly equal normal. I doubted the glue they had here could be used for this.


    I sighed loudly and slipped it back into the pocket of my borrowed pants. The tank top and basketball shorts I had been wearing had finally been sent to the laundrywomen¡¯s after a careless arm movement had knocked a bowl of stew off the table and onto me. My sports bra was still good to go though. Every few days I could just soak it in the washbasin in my room and let it dry over the heating stone. The nights right now were rather cold so every room had one.


    Arswen and Arsral¡¯s clothes were too short to fit me, and we hadn¡¯t had the time yet to go out to buy me clothing, so I was wearing the clothes Arslop, the oldest brother, had left at home. They were long enough, but a bit baggy. I wondered if I could just keep wearing them. Slightly baggy clothing was my thing.


    ¡°Excuse me¡­¡±


    I wiped the morose look off my face and straightened up, smiling at the light blue haired woman.


    ¡°Yes, how can I help you?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Would you happen to have any of the listed ingredients?¡±


    I hummed as I took the list she gave me. It had stuff like Norwen Bear bone, Lizapier scale, and Derae venom.


    Cleimeph¡¯s customer base doesn¡¯t consist of just adventurers looking for equipment and potions. A good portion comes to buy monster parts to make equipment and potions. We also buy these things from them.


    There are two main ways to get monster parts. One is from shops like ours, either by buying what¡¯s already in stock or placing an order. The other is to put up a request at the adventurer¡¯s guild, which is more expensive.


    According to one of the books Arswen had given me to educate me about this world, the difference between a normal animal and a monster is that monsters are, for lack of a better description, corrupted by mana. There are two ways monsters are made. Either existing monsters breed or normal creatures are forcibly corrupted. That¡¯s how liches and zombies come about, by the way.


    Monsters mostly stay in their dungeons, attracted by the cores inside. The weaker ones aren¡¯t as affected by the pull though, so if you step out of town, you¡¯ll find plenty of them roaming freely around. Occasionally, a strong monster will escape from the dungeon, causing a large loss of life and disruption in trade routes. The brothers¡¯ parents had died in such an incident.Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    I checked the store catalogue. Norwen Bears, which are pretty much just bears with three horns protruding from their heads, are fairly common in the nearby dungeon, Lair of the Mad Serpent.


    Why is it called that?


    Well, legend says that deep, deep down in the final floor of the dungeon, lurks a giant blood red serpent, one eye a malicious goldand the other, a mass of scar tissue from when a brave adventurer had gouged its eye out in a final heroic act. Its existence has never been officiallyconfirmed, for all who manage to struggle their way down to the final floor of the Lair never return¡­


    Or so I was told. Honestly, it¡¯s probably just a load of bullshit meant to lure adventurers to the dungeon and subsequently, the town.


    Well, it wasn¡¯t like I¡¯d be going dungeon-diving anytime soon anyway. When I had brought up the matter with Arsral some days prior, he had given me an unimpressed stare.


    ¡°What level are you again?¡±


    Fair.


    ¡°Hm, Norwen Bear parts should be in aisle 5, shelf 12.Lizapier parts should be two shelves to the left of it, and as for Derae venom¡­ I¡¯ll check if we have any available.¡±


    Lizapiers were bipedal lizards about half the size of an adult man, and were also fairly common in the Lair. Derae (which were just frogs with fangs lol) weren¡¯t as common as Norwen Bears and Lizapiers.


    I gave the list back and the customer nodded in thanks, before going to the shelf I¡¯d pointed her to.


    I poked my head through the door leading to the living area of the shop. I spotted Arsral, who was writing in the ledger on the dining table.


    ¡°Hey, boss, someone¡¯s asking for Derae venom.¡±


    ¡°How much?¡±


    ¡°Uh, I think it was 10 grams.¡±


    ¡°Tell her we don¡¯t have any available. The apothecary already placed an order. Oh, right. It¡¯s almost time for lunch. Light up the stove for me.¡±


    ¡°¡®Kay.¡±


    I walked to the stoveand activated the fire stone.


    ¡°That all?¡±


    ¡°After you¡¯re done with the customer, close the shop and go pick up Arswen from school,¡± Arsral instructed.


    ¡°Uh, you sure? I have a terrible sense of direction.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s right next to the bell tower. Just head for the huge tower in the middle of the town.¡± He closed the ledger and rolled out of the kitchen. ¡°Can¡¯t miss it.¡±


    Well, even I shouldn¡¯t able to get lost then, provided that I don¡¯t suddenly turn blind in the middle of the journey.


    I went back to the shop area to see the blunettewaiting patiently at the counter.


    ¡°Sorry for the wait. Unfortunately, we don¡¯t currently have any Derae venom available. Would you like to place an order?¡± I asked, weighing the bones she¡¯d set down.


    ¡°Yes, please.¡±


    ¡°Great! Please fill out the form.¡± I grabbed a form from under the counter and slid it over.


    She looked at it for a moment, before looking up.


    ¡°I, uh, I can¡¯t write,¡± she said, embarrassed.


    That wasn¡¯t uncommon among adults in this world. The residents of Etir were lucky in that some noble had decided to do some good and set up a school here. I briefly wondered who had written the list.


    ¡°No problem. I can fill it out for you.¡± She looked relieved when I said that. ¡°Just tell me what you go by, where you¡¯re staying, and what you want.¡±


    I grabbed a pen, dipped it in ink, and filled out the form for the woman, ¡®Senga¡¯. Writing with a quill pen had taken a while to get used to, but I¡¯d eventually gotten the hang of it. With that said, I couldn¡¯t wait for the day my level was high enough for me to conjure a ballpoint pen. Annoyingly, your skill levels couldn¡¯t be higher than your actual level. Seriously, someone could have told me thatbefore I tried to conjure a thousand toothpicks in order to raise the level of [Conjure].


    ¡°Done.¡± I set the pen back in its holder and blotted the paper. ¡°The parts will be 980 tals.¡±


    I smiled at her as she handed me the exact change. ¡°Thanks for shopping at Cleimeph. Please come again.¡±


    She gathered up her purchase and paused, staring at my face.


    ¡°You know, you¡¯re a lot different than I thought you¡¯d be,¡± Senga commented. My smile turned wry.


    ¡°Is it the piercings?¡±


    She laughed.


    ¡°Yeah.¡±

 5) Being able to bullshit your way out of trouble is a very valuable skill to have.

    ''Even I shouldn''t be able to get lost'' my ass! The bell tower is right! There! Why thefuckam I not able to get to it!


    I marveled at my own skill to stray off the right path and into who knows where. I was currentlywalking along some back alley. It had been about half an hour since I''d set out.


    I kicked a rock and it clattered to the ground a few meters in front of me.


    "Just head for the bell tower, he said," I grumbled. "You can''t get lost, he said. Well, I mean, it''s not really his fault since he hasn''t actually experienced just how bad my sense of direction is yet, butstill. Ugh."


    I kicked another rock out of my way. It bounced off the wall in front of me. The alley separated in a T where I stood, and I looked in both directions before closing my eyes, spinning a few times, and heading off in the direction I ended facing.


    What? It wasn''t like I knew where I was anyway, so that was as good a method as any. It certainly hadn''t failed me in the times before. I''d most likely get even further from my destination than before, but it''d work out in the end. It always did.


    Staying put and waiting for someone to find me certainly wasn''t an option. Call it eldest child syndrome or whatever, but when you''re the eldest of three kids, you gain this need to be independent and become determined to not cause as much trouble as your brat siblings. Of course, me getting lost all the time was pretty much unavoidable, so I vowed to at leastbe able to find my way back when I got lost. My family actually wasn''t sure if I had a bad sense of direction or was just particularly prone to taking unplanned and extremely long detours.


    They were probably worried sick back in my world.


    ...


    Anyways.


    I came to another T, and since I went right last time, this time I decided to go left. There were several doors in the alleys I had walked in so far, but lemme tell ya now that it is a bad, bad idea to knock on the back doors of places you don''t know. I learnt thatthe hard way when I was twelve.


    I rounded the next corner and came face to face with a dead end.


    "Ugh."


    I weighed my options and decided the best one was to climb over the damn wall and continue on from there. Backtracking was just too much trouble.


    Fortunately, the alley was narrow enough that I could stretch my limbs out, planting them on the walls, and sort of shuffle-climb my way up, with the blocking wall supporting my back. Once I felt most of my back clear the top of the wall, I awkwardly shifted until I was sitting on top of it, legs dangling. I took a moment to admire how high I''d climbed, then swung my legs around and dropped down the other side of the wall.


    Straightening up from the crouch I''d fallen into, I brushed myself off, looked up, and blinked in surprise when I found two rough looking men blocking the narrow alleyway. I looked behind me and discovered a beatupteenage boy with dark skin and hair the colour of an apricot.


    I began to vaguely recall the yelling and grunting and general sounds of someone being beaten up that I had heard and ignored when I was climbing up the wall.


    I looked back at the two in front of me. They didn''t look like they''d be willing to let me go peacefully.


    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. There was nothing for it but to bullshit my way out of this situation then.


    "Well, hello," I greeted. "My apologies for dropping in so suddenly."


    I snickered mentally at my lame pun.


    "Who the hell are you?" snarled the guy with a dark blue mohawk.


    "Just a very lost person trying to get unlost," I said. "You know how it is. You''re trying to get somewhere, but don''t really know the way, and next thing you know you''re dropping down in the middle of three civilised gentlemen''s conversation."


    I shrugged in a ''what can you do?'' way at the men. There was a quiet disbelieving snort behind me at the civilised bit, which I ignored.


    "Well, ''Just a very lost person trying to get unlost'', you know what? We don''t appreciate you dropping down in our ''conversation''. And you know what we do to people who we don''t appreciate?"This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    Mohawk towered- oh wait, he didn''t. He couldn''t. I was taller than him by a small but noticeable amount. It was a novel experience, meeting a thug that was shorter than me. Mohawktried to tower threateningly over me.


    "You helpfully give them directions to the main road and send them on their way?"


    "No." Mohawk''s friend cracked his knuckles and spoke. "We beat the shit out of them."


    Negotiations have broken down. I repeat, negotiations have broken down.


    "Ah."I stared at them impassivelyand sighed in mock disappointment. At least, I hope it sounded like mock disappointment. "I was afraid you''d say that. Oh well."


    I clicked my fingers and a Light Orb appeared.


    "Do you know what this is?" I asked, with a shit-eating grin. I was good at those. I brought the Light Orb closer to Mohawk''s face and he automatically leaned away.


    My friends had told me several times that I had two distinct laughs. One was the loud cackle that I normally did. The other was the creepy mix of a giggle and snigger that I used when I either was about to attempt something extremely stupid or wanted to unnerve people.


    Guess which one I was using now.


    I used [Light Manipulation] and twirled a tendril of light around my finger, still grinning unnervingly at the two increasingly nonplussed men while leaning forward.


    Knucklecracker tsked and took two steps back and to the side. Mohawk was more reluctant to back down, but did so eventually, to my relief.


    He gritted his teeth and spat out, "We''ll let you go this time, out of the goodness of our hearts. But if I were you, I''d watch my back the next time I ended up in here."


    "My, my, your concern certainly is touching. Well, I''ll be going now."


    I let the Light Ball disappear and walked a ways down the alley, then realised I was walking alone. I turned around and blinked at the dark-skinned boy, who was still slumped against the wall.


    "My company is much preferable to these two''s, don''t you think?" I said. At his small ''Eh?'' of surprise, I added, "If you''d rather stay with them though, that''s fine too."


    "N-no, I''ll come with you."


    He started to stumble his way towards me. Knucklecracker reached a hand out to him.


    "Oi, what-"


    "Why now, your leg appears to be injured. You shouldn''t be walking on that." I stepped forward and lifted the surprisingly light boy off the ground in a bridal carry. He spluttered in shock.


    "W-wh-what are you-!"


    "We''ll be taking our leave now. Have a good day." I nodded at the two dumbfounded men and quickly swept out of the alleyway. To my relief, I only had to turn two corners until I reached the main road again.


    "Um... you can put me down now."


    "Hm? Oh yeah." I set him down gently on his feet. "Sorry about the lifting you up and carrying you away with asking first thing."


    "No, it''s fine, you saved me after all."


    He brushed himself off and there was a moment of silence.


    "So, that was-"


    "That was terrifying."


    My knees suddenly buckled beneath me and I collapsed, just barely managing to save myself from kissing the ground at the last minute.


    "Holy fuck, I seriously thought they were going call my bluff and beat me up! I''ve never been in a real fight before. I don''t even know if I can throw a punch. That ball of light was completely harmless. The most I could have done with it was blind them for about three seconds. I was fully relying on the hope that they''d back off because of fear of the unknown. Holy shit, I can''t believe that worked. Shit. Fuck. I''m shaking."


    As I shakily tried to get up again, I could see the boy I''d helped looking rather stunned at the sudden drop of what I like to call my ''overly polite badass'' persona. (My friends and two younger brothers like to call it the ''shitty James Bond imitation''. I like to ignore them.)


    "Okay," I breathed. "Okay, we''re okay. Right. Okay. We got out of that one unscathed."


    I looked up at my companion.


    "Right, I''m Joan." I held my hand out to him. "What''s your name?"


    He shook my hand cautiously. "I''m... you can call me Toen."


    "Hello, Toen, it''s nice to meet you. So, what exactly did you do to get yourself into that kind of situation?"


    Toen chewed on his lip. I could see that on one hand, he felt that he owed that much to his saviour, but on the other, he really didn''t want to.


    He looked seriously relieved when I said, "You know what, nevermind. Don''t know what I''d do with the information anyway."


    I peered at his face in concern. "How you feelin''? That''s one nasty black eye you''ve got there."


    "Ah." He self-consciously raised a hand to feel at the bruised flesh and winced slightly. "Um, yeah, I might need to put some ointment on it when I get back home."


    "Home? You a local?"


    "I''ve been living here since I was five, and I''m nineteen now, so-"


    "Wait, nineteen?" I said in disbelief. "I thought you were like, fourteen or something!"


    At his glare, I hurriedly added on, "Ah, it''s not that you particularly look like a kid or anything,it''s just that your voice is pretty soft, and you''re sorta on the short side, and-" I noticed his glare intensifying "I should shut up now, shouldn''t I."


    "That would be good, yes." He gave me one last scowl and muttered something under his breath (I could just barely make out some words like ''can''t believe'' and ''cool'' and ''same person''), before sighing and smoothing away his irritated expression. Toen bowed slightly to me and spoke.


    "Unpleasant conversation topics aside, I really am grateful to you for saving me. If you ever need help or a favour, you can find me at the Mayflower Bakery on Clove Street during working hours. Even if you don''t need help, feel free to drop by anyway and I''ll give you some pastries as thanks."


    He smiled genuinely at me. I waved my hands, slightly embarrassed byhow sincere he was being.


    "Don''t worry about it. It was only the right thing to-" I began, wanting to say something cool.


    Then I remembered why I had gotten intothat situation in the first place. My somewhat flustered waving turned into scratching the back of my head sheepishly. I gave Toen an awkward smile.


    "Actually, would you mind if I cashed in that favour right now? I wasn''t lying when I said I was a very lost person."

 6) I should do something about my inability to get anywhere without getting lost first.

    I was scolded for a full half hour after I got back to the shop. Arswen had already gone home by himself, so Toen had to guide me from the school back to Cleimeph. He had left me outside the door with another bow and sincere thanks.


    I had gone into the shop, only to be faced with a very displeased Arsral. He had demanded an explanation for why an errand that should have taken half an hour at the most had instead taken two whole hours more, and I had sheepishly given him one.


    "So what you''re saying is," Arsral said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "is that somehow, impossibly, you managed to stray completely off the main roadand get lost in the back streets, and end up on the other side of town,unintentionally."


    "Uh... yes?" I laughed nervously.


    "Amazing. Absolutely amazing. You weren''t kidding when you said you had a terrible sense of direction. How did you survive back in your own world?"


    "I just didn''t go out of the house by myself unless I absolutely had to...?"


    "Alright," Arsral straightened up from where he had switched to massaging his temples and pointed accusingly at me. "Alright. We can''t have you somehow ending up in the dungeon as soon as you so much as set one foot outside the store."


    Ignoring my mutter of ''I''m notthat bad'', he announced, "So from now on, when there''s an errand to run, you''ll go with Arswen." Then, in a mutter to the side: "You''re long overdue for a tour of the town anyway."


    So that led to where I found myself now. A few days after the incident, wandering around aimlessly because I''d dodgeda guy carrying three crates of vegetables and all of a sudden found myself clueless as to the whereabouts of a certain red headed brat.


    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagghhh.


    Half groaning, half screaming in my mind, I kicked a few rocks forward as I walked.


    I should have held his hand. Or held onto the back of his shirt. Or wrapped a string around his waist. Whatever. Goddamniiiiiit, why does this always happen to me?


    I found another rock and added it to the growing collection of rocks. People were probably giving me weird looks, wondering why for every step I took, half a dozen rocks were being kicked forward as well.


    One of the rocks bounced off another and to the side, making me have to take a few extra steps to retrieve it. It had ended up against another pale rock, which I added to the six rocks I already had. I resumed walking and kicking them along.


    I was so engrossed in making sure not one rock was lost as I walked, that when I collided with someone, I collided hardwith a squawk of surprise and nearly fell over.


    "Gyak!"


    The person I''d crashed into was builtlike a bear on steroids and nearly as hairy as one. When he turned, I saw his maroon shirt was half open, giving me full view of the mass of light blue hair sprouting from his chest, and the sleeves were rolled up, showing off his beefy arms, also covered in a ridiculous amount of blue hair. He carried both a giant broadsword and a bow and quiver on his back. I thought it was a bit strange, but hey, I can''t exactly criticise someone else''s style of fighting when I can''t even do it myself.


    "Oh dear, are you alright?"


    The man reached out a hand to steady me as I stumbled back a few steps. Noticing the rocks I had collected on my way still closely gathered, I discreetly used a foot to sweep them to the side when his eyes were focused on my face as I apologized.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    "Sorry ''bout crashing into you. I, uh, was caught up in my thoughts and wasn''t watching where I was going."


    "No, no," he replied, just as sheepishly. "It''s alright. I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings as well."


    We shared a chuckle and I thanked him for helping me up. Just as I was about to leave, a familiar blue haired woman clapped him on the shoulder. A taller personwearing a set of well worn robes with a staff with a large green magic stone on the top strapped to their back followed behind her.


    "Hey, Meiva, what''s-" She noticed me and her face lit up in recognition. "Oh! Hello again."


    "Senga!" I smiled and waved. "Fancy meeting you here."


    "Senga, you know him?"


    Him? I''ve been mistaken for a man again. Oh well. It''ll be funny seeing their faces when they find out I''m not.


    "Yeah. This is, um," she paused, realising I''d never actually told her my name.


    "I''m Joan. I work at the item shop Cleimeph," I said, holding my hand out.


    Meiva shook my hand. "I''m Senga''s brother. The meeting is appreciated."


    "No wonder you look so similar. Um, the meeting is appreciated." I copied his greeting and hoped I got it right. Senga gestured to her companion.


    "This is Binediem. She doesn''t talk much to people she''s not familiar with, so don''t mind her silence too much. She''s the one who wrote the list for me."


    The dark skinned woman with long mauve hair and orange eyes smiled and shook my hand as well.


    "We have a fourth member of our party, Cottor, but he''s back at the inn nursing his hangover." Senga rolled her eyes. "Serves him right for trying to outdrink Binediem."


    I looked at Binediemin surprise. She didn''t look like a person who could hold her liquor well. She caught my eye and her smile broadened.


    Well, they do say to never judge a book by its cover.


    "So, what''re you up to?"


    "Oh, nothing much, just trying to find a good place to eat with my party. Any recommendations?"


    "No, sorry, I''m pretty new to the town as well. Oh," I said, remembering Toen, "There''s a place called the Mayflower Bakery on Clove Street."


    "A bakery, hm... what do you think?" Senga asked her two party members.


    "Why not?" Meiva said, while Binediem just shrugged. "We can bring something back for Cottor as well."


    "Alright, we''re going there then. What are you doing? Want to come join us?"


    "I''m running an errand. Uh, was. Now, I''m just lost. By the way, have you seen a red-headed brat about yea high," I hovered my hand in the hair about the level of my chest "with bright green eyes and carrying a small satchel?"


    She thought for a bit, before Binediem poked her arm and pointed atsomething over my shoulder. Her eyes focused on something behind me.


    "Uh, you mean like the one currently charging towards you right now?"


    "Charging- Oof!" I turned just in time for something to smash into meand nearly knock me over again. "Oh hey, kiddo."


    "Joan."


    I let out another ''Oof!'' as he jabbed me in the stomach, scowling at me.


    "I take my eyes off you for a minute and you just disappear!"


    He continued jabbing me in the stomach with a much put-upon expression.


    "Haha, I''m sorry- hey, you can stop- seriously, stop i- damnit, Arswen- Fine, you leave me no choice."


    My stomach was starting to actually hurt from the abuse so I scooped him up and started lightly tossing him up and down in my arms.


    "What are you- Ah!"


    "Sheesh, I said I was sorry, okay? It''s not like I did it on purpose."


    "Whatever, just put me-" He shrieked a little as I threw him up again. "-down!"


    "Hmm..." I pretended to think as I tossed him up again.


    "Put me down!"


    "Let me think about it..."


    "Joan, put me down!"


    "Are you going to stop hitting me?"


    "Yes! Yes! I''ll stop, just put me down!"


    "Okay."


    I caught him, spun him around a few times, then finallylet him go. He wobbled a bit as he was set down.


    "There," I said as I steadied him. "Now, are you going to stop hitting me or should I do that again?"


    Arswen turned his head to the side with a rebellious click of his tongue butsaid, "Fine."


    A giggle alerted us to the fact that we had an audience. Binediem looked amused while the blue haired siblings were muffling laughter with their hands. Arswen flushed and looked away.


    I decided the best thing to do in this situation was to introduce Arswen. "This is Arswen. He''s the younger brother of the owner of Cleimeph."


    Senga stopped chuckling and smiled warmly at Arswen. "I''m Senga, and this is my brother Meiva, and my party member Binediem. The meeting is appreciated."


    Arswen nodded at them, cheeks still a bit red and repeated the greeting.


    "The meeting is appreciated, but we really have to get going now. Come on, Joan." He grabbed my arm and started dragging me off. I waved at the three people we were leaving behind.


    "Oh yeah," I said, remembering, "we have Derae venom in stock now. Come by when you have the time, ''kay?"


    "Oh really? That''s great! We''ll come by this afternoon. Make sure you''re open, alright?"


    "I look forward to seeing you then. Bye!"


    I gave a final wave, then Arswen dragged me around the corner of the block andwe headed towards the merchant guild.

 7) Homesickness? Nah, thats not really a thing with me.

    "So, what exactly are we doing here?" I asked Arswen as we reached the modest building of the Merchant Guild.


    "Registering a new service and submitting the order form," Arswen replied.


    "Order form? New service?"


    "Where do you think we get most of our stock from? And yes, a new service. We can put Evaluation on the list of services we provide now."


    "Eval...? Oh right, you have me now."


    Dungeons produce all kinds of weird things, so obviously adventurers need someone to tell them what those things are. Evaluate is rare skill, due to the amount of studying one needs to do to earn it, so you don''t really see people with it in adventuring towns like Etir. You''re more likely to find them in large cities and academies. Also, people with the skill usually don''t really value money or material things, so that''s why there''s not that many businesses which offer Evaluation as a service.


    We entered the Merchant Guild and headed towards a burly man with fading green hair. He noticed us and gave us a friendly wave.


    "Hello, Arswen," he greeted. "Not with your brother today?"


    "He decided to stay behind at the shop today," the boy replied. He gestured to me before rifling through his satchel for the order forms. "This is Joan, the newest employee of our shop."


    "Hello," I said.


    "The meeting is appreciated," the man said, shaking my hand. "I''m Sediall, Master of the Merchant Guild."


    (Off to the side, Arswen may or may not have muttered ''So he does have a name.'' under his breath.)


    "The meeting is appreciated."


    Man, I really hope I''m using it right.


    "You''re not from around here, are you, Joan?"


    "Nope. Did the hair give it away?"


    "Oh! So it''s natural then?"


    "Guildmaster," Arswen interrupted our small talk, holding out the forms, rolled up neatly and tied with a thin red ribbon. "Here are our order forms. We also wish to register a new service."


    The guildmaster accepted the papers from him and set it on a pile of similarly rolled and tied up documents. "Oh? Did you finally-"


    "No."


    That was a rather loud and firm ''no'',I thought.Wonder what the guildmaster was about to say?


    I looked at the red-headin question but he avoided my gaze and told the guildmaster what we needed registered instead. He looked surprised and said, "I thought your brother swore off-"


    "Joan can use Evaluate." For some reason, Arswen seemed to be glaring slightly at the guildmaster. I wondered what Arsral had sworn off. Could he actually use Evaluate or something but had sworn not to due to one reason or another?


    "Oh. You don''t look the scholarly type," he told me. I scratched the back of my head sheepishly.


    "Yeah, I know."


    The man directed us to Aidyl, a woman at another counter who had just finished speaking to two people with dull pink hair. The process was quick and simple, and we were out of the building and into the sunlight again in a few minutes.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    "So what now?" I asked Arswen, stretching in the warm air. He shrugged.


    "Up to you. We can explore the town a bit, or we can go back to the shop and wait for your friend."


    "Ehh... Let''s go back, then."


    "Sure."


    On the way, we passed by someone selling roasted chestnuts. I bought myself and Arswen a bag each with the money the elder brother had given me after my first month at Cleimeph.


    "Joan."


    I looked up from the book I was reading and caught the bag Arsral tossed over with one hand. Several somethings inside clinked together as I lifted it up to eye level.


    "Your pay for this month."


    "I get paid?"


    The red-head rolled his eyes. "Of course you do."


    "What about the room and board then?"


    "Covered by the pay for assisting me. You were more useful than I anticipated," he admitted, but not reluctantly.


    "What,justuseful? Admit it, you enjoy my wonderful presence."


    "Don''t push it," Arsral replied, but I could see the corner of his lips lift a little.


    I plucked the chestnut from Arswen''s struggling hands and peeled it open for him without much thought.


    "Thank you," he said, before letting me pop it into his mouth.


    "No problem."


    We walked in silence for a few blocks, me peeling the chestnuts for both of us and Arswen opening his mouth for the unshelled chestnuts I pushed up to his lips.


    "You seem awfully used to this," Arswen commented, once we had finished the bag. I looked away from where I had been admiring the earrings some bright purple haired guy was peddling.


    "Hm? Oh, I have two younger brothers. Whenever we eat something that needs shelling, they, being the lazy bas-- annoyances they are, always pester me to do it. So it just became a habit, I guess."


    "Youalso have brothers? What about your parents?"


    "Parents are also too lazy and much better at ignoring the whining of two bratty kids than I am. And yep, two younger brothers. Five years younger than me and twins. Awful, spoilt, selfish, and not cute at all." I paused, and amended, "Well, okay, they were cute up until they were, like, three. Then they learnt the word ''why'' and it was all downhill from there."


    I grimaced. Arswen smothered a small laugh.


    "What are they like?"


    "What are they like? Well," I took a moment to compose my thoughts, "Liam is younger than Will - our mum likes four letter names, dunno why- by about twenty minutes, though he likes to pretend he''s older and everyone just lets him; both of them wear glasses - everyone in our family but me has bad eyesight, guess I just got lucky; both cry really easily, though Liam is more vocal about it; they''re always together so when nobody really bothers saying their names separately and just yell ''WilLiam'' when they want them; Liam is louder, but surprisingly, Will is the one who takes charge; they always try the stupidest pranks on me - actually, I have them to thank for my good reflexes - such as the bucket over the slightly open door, changing the time on my clock, and a myriad of other stupid things you''d think they''d learn to stop doing after I start roughing them up harder and harder each time; and-"


    "I''m sorry."


    "-then they- Huh?" I stopped walking and stared at Arswen. His head was down and away from my confused gaze. "What for?"


    "For, for taking you. From your brothers, from your family. From your life. I''m sorry. It- it just never occurred to me before that you, you might have-" He was interrupted by my hand landing on his head. I ruffled his hair to comfort him. (It was incredibly soft. Ulterior motives? What are you talking about?)


    "Don''t worry about it. True, you shouldn''t have been messing around with a demon summoning circle in the first place, but you couldn''t have known what would happen, right?" I continued petting his head while I talked. (So.Soft.)


    He shook his head. "Don''t you miss your world though?"


    "I do, sometimes," I shrugged, "But your world''s pretty interesting too. I try to think of this whole thing as an extended holiday from, uh, life, I guess. No point in despairing over things you can''t help, right?"


    "I... guess not."


    "See? Now wipe that guilty look off your face," I patted his cheek, "It doesn''t suit you."


    It took the kid a bit, but eventually he managed to give me a smile.


    "There. Much better."


    "Thank you, Joan."


    "No problem. Now, do you want to continue listening to me complain about my brothers, or shall we move onto other topics?" I asked, starting to walk again.


    "I think I''d like to hear more about your family."


    "Alright then. So one time..."


    As we walked back to the shop, I continued telling Arswen about all the antics my brothers had gotten up to, and the ways which I''d had my revenge. I was starting on the story of when they had filled my entire room with orange balloons when we reached the shop.


    "And so, when I get home, what do I see but-" I opened the door and turned, just in time to see a black blur flying towards me and attach itself to my face. "Wha- mmph!"

 8) I get hit in the face with a door. Twice.

    Crap, I let my guard down!was my first thought. Because no one here seemed the type to pull petty pranks, I''d stopped being so wary every time I''d opened and stepped through a doorway.


    I raised my arms and felt the thing latched to my face. It was fluffy and warm. I pulled it off and stared at the thing in my hands.


    A stuffed animal? Why would someone throw a stuffed animal at me?


    Fun fact: Animals really don''t like me.


    It''s not like they''ll go out of their way to cause me physical harm, but they will absolutely refuse to let me pet them or show any signs of affection. Even my best friend''s dog, a big friendly border collie who is more than happy to bathe my other friends in drool, bolts to the other side of the yard when I secretly try to pet her. It makes me want to cry, seriously.


    So you''ll have to excuse me for taking more than a minute to realise that the thing that had just squirmed its way out of my hands and was happily making its way up my arm was not, in fact, some kind of scarily advanced stuffed toy, and was actually a living creature.


    Someone shoved me aside in their hurry to leave the shop, and I caught a glimpse of the silver flute strapped to the hooded figure''s belt before their cloak flappeddown again. They quickly melted into the crowd of people going about their lives.


    "Hey, you, don''t just leave your-!" Arsral, upon reaching the doorway, saw that the person was nowhere to be seen and clicked his tongue with an unpleasant expression on his face. "Tsk."


    "What happened?" Arswen asked. Arsr al finally noticed us.


    "Oh, Arswen, Joan. Welcome back." He sighed, running a hand down his face. "That guy was trying to get us to buy his pet."


    "I thought we didn''t buy living things?" I said, trying futilely to stop the fluffball from climbing onto my head.


    "We don''t," he confirmed. "When I told him that, though, he tried getting us to take it anyway. He was annoyingly persistent. Then you guys came in, and you know the rest."


    "It jumped onto my face," I said.


    "It jumped onto your face," Arswen agreed. He reached his hand out to pet it. I bent down to make it easier for him.


    "That means it likes me, right?"


    "Well, it didn''t start mauling your face off, so I''d say so."


    "Huh."


    "What''s with that-" He squinted at me. "Why do you look like you''re about to cry."


    "I''m not crying."


    "You look like you want to."


    "I won''t deny that."


    I plucked it off my head and began squeezing the ball of fluff. It made several tiny squeaks, and its long ears(?)waved cutely in the air. I could feel my heart melting at its big, round, golden eyes.


    "...So why do you look like you want to cry?" Arswen asked again.


    I whispered, "It''s sofluffy."


    "...What?"


    I buried my face in the fluff and began yelling softly.


    "It''s so fluffy."


    So soft! So silky! Is this what heaven feels like?! All soft, silky fur and comforting warmth? Finally, I can experience what has been denied to me for far too long!


    Its ears wrapped around my head comfortingly and I felt even more like crying.


    "...Right." I could almost hear Arsral rolling his eyes as he shut the door and walked back to his wheelchair. "Since you like it so much, you can take care of it then."


    "Seriously?!" I looked up with what was probably the goofiest smile I had ever made on my face. "Hell yea-!"


    "Arsral!"


    The door flew open and smacked me in the face.


    I fell back and to the side from the crouch I''d been in with a yell of shock. My hands instinctively flew up to my nose. My eyes squeezed shut. I heard someone yell what sounded like ''Heweys behback!'' before the pain slammed down half a second later.


    I hissed in pain."Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-"


    The black fluffball squeaked as it brushed against my hands tightly cupping my nose. I grit my teeth. One moment I was on cloud nine, and the next I was struggling to not lose my temper with the asshole who had thrown the door open with no consideration for anybody in the way. Of fucking course.


    I gave myself a moment. Eventually the pain faded and I felt a lot less like returning the favour tenfold for my - it hurt like a motherfucker but probably wasn''t broken - nose. Now that my focus wasn''t solely on the pain in my nose, I realised my forehead was also smarting.


    I tuned back into my surroundings. A boy with hair the colour of cow puke - I wasn''t feeling very charitable with my descriptors, for obvious reasons - was frantically waving his arms as he stuttered his way through a panicked conversation with my employer. Arsral looked grim as he listened, and Arswen had a scowl on his face, but the anxiety beneath it was clear.


    "So..." I began, still cupping my nose with a hand, "Is everyone just going to ignore the fact that he," I waved my other hand in the direction of the newcomer "just almost broke my nose?"


    Cow Puke Head cowered under my glare and immediately began apologizing like a broken record hyped up on caffeine.


    "There''s more pressing matters than your broken nose, Joan," Arsral said.


    "What could possibly be more important than the harm I have just received at the hands of this green haired fiend!" I cried, hand outstretched and pointing accusingly at the ''fiend''. Cow Puke Head renewed his ''I''msosorrypleaseforgiveme''s and looked like he was about to throw himself at my feet. "Also, almost broken. Healmost broke my nose."


    "Then it''s even less important."


    While I gaped at him, Arsral started pacing around the area while gnawing on his thumbnail and muttering to himself. I sensed the time for petty dramatics was over - unfortunate, since I''d wanted to kick up another fuss about being unloved and unappreciated and whatnot - and the time to obtain an explanation for the sudden tension in the room was here.Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    I had a feeling any explanation from - I peeked at his status for his name (what he didn''t know wouldn''t hurt him, also this guy hit mein the face with a door)- Icoupewk - I snorted - would involve an overabundance of stammering, so he was out.


    "What''s going on?" I asked Arswen, who hadn''t stopped scowling.


    "Hewey''s back," he said.


    "And this is bad because...?"


    He gave me the full story. So apparently this fuckboy called Hewey had come into Cleimeph one day, taken one look at Arsral and been all like ''You''re mine now''. If it had been anyone else, this would not have been such a problem. Arsral could have just reported it, and the town guards would have taken care of it. Unfortunately, Hewey was the much doted on son of the lord whose land the town was on, and the guards were employed by the lord, so it was a very,very big problem. It became an even bigger problem when, just two weeks before I was summoned, Hewey gave Arsral an ultimatum: become his or they could say goodbye to the shop. They had only had until he came back from his dungeon dive to make the decision.


    "What an," I paused, eyeing the ten-year-old, then decidedscrew it, "absolute shitstain."


    Arswen nodded fervently. "I know right?"


    "But uh, this Hewey person knows Arsral is male, yeah? Same sex relationships aren''t frowned upon here?"


    Arswen shrugged. "It''s not uncommon for nobility to take people of the same gender as lovers. They don''t usually get married though. Also, he said since Ral was prettier than every other girl in Etir it didn''t matter."


    "Well, I can see where- I mean, what a bastard!" I hastily corrected myself at Arswen''s glare. "Forcing someone to become his, that''s just not cool! And as a side hoe to boot! Not cool, dude."


    I paused, realising something. "Oi, is this part of what drove you to do something as stupid as summoning a demon?"


    "It was a good idea at the time," Arswen mumbled. "Yes."


    I sighed. Arswen scowled. Icoupewk had tucked himself into the space between the wheelchair and the shop counter. Arsral was still pacing agitatedly and gnawing on his thumbnail. I watched him and nudged Arswen.


    "Uh, should your brother be walking around that mu- whoa!"


    I darted forward to catch the boy as he stumbled. I carefully set him back into his wheelchair and ignored the way Icoupewk squeaked in fear at my proximity.


    "Oi, you shouldn''t be exerting yourself like this, with your con-"


    "Condition, shmondition!" Arsral snapped. "I''m not yet an invalid, thank you very much and you''d do well to remember that!"


    I raised my hands and backed away. "Sorry."


    He took a deep, calming breath, then let it out.


    "I shouldn''t have snapped at you like that. I know you were only trying to help." That was probably the closest to an apology I was ever going to get from someone as prideful as Arsral.


    "It''s fine, it''s fine. You''re under a lot of stress. You have shorter fuse than usual. I get it. Now, this ''Hewey'' only returned this morning, right?" I walked over to the door to close it, then took a step back, wondering how I had never noticed the calendar pinned to the back of it. It was the 10th of the 6th, a little over a month since I had been brought into this world. Speaking of being brought into this world, I wondered when my birthday was. I wondered when the brothers'' birthdays were. Did they even celebrate birthdays? I''d have to ask them later. "So that should give us some time to figure out how to handle this before-"


    For the second time that day, the door was flung open with me in the way. For the second time that day, a heavy piece of wood bestowed upon me its violent kiss. For the second time that day, I struggled to not lose it at the inconsiderate fucker who thought kicking open doors was a fucking fantastic idea.


    What was it, oh-hey-let''s-all-hit-Joan-in-the-face-with-a-door-yeah-that''s-a-fucking-great-idea day?! Oh, yeah, sure, just let me mark that on my calendar so next year I know exactly when the best fucking time to become a serial killer is.


    Chill. I am chill. I am cool. I am calm. I will not lose my temper.Chill. I am chill. I am cool. I am calm...


    I chanted the mantra in my head as I slowly came back to the real world.


    While I was beside myself with pain, some silver-haired bastard with the smarmiest grin I had ever seen and would probably ever see had swaggered into the shop, flanked by two bald and buff lackeys with similar faces.


    Smarmy Grin spread his arms out, looking delighted despite (or maybe because of) Arsral''s scowl.


    "Rally, darling!" he cooed. Both Arsral and Arswen twitched, and Icoupewk scurried behind the counter. "How''s my favourite cold beauty doing today?"


    "To be honest, I was doing a lot better before I heard you were back in town," the ''cold beauty'' said. You had to admire the way he kept his tone even and polite.


    "Aw, is that any way to treat the person who''ll be taking care of you from now on?"


    <blockquote>


    Name: Heouie of House Gastothes


    Level: 42


    Age: 17


    Race: Human??[Details]


    Afflictions: None?? [Details]


    Occupation: C-rank Adventurer


    HP: 652/652


    MP: 439/439


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    So this was ''Hewey''.


    ...The actual spelling of his name was dumb as hell. ''Heouie''. Pfft.


    "I can take care of myself, thank you."


    "Oh, but I can take care of you so much better."


    Wow, where was this guy getting his lines? Straight outta some shitty romance novel? He wasn''t even reading the right lines if he wanted Heouie/Arsral to be endgame. Actually, forget endgame, if this were a novel he wouldn''t even be around to witness the end of the story.


    I would have loved to say Hewey was butt ugly, but no, he was actually quite good looking. Hm. If this were a novel, maybe hewould still be around to witness the ending.


    Hewey reached out to touch a lock of Arsral''s long hair, but the red-head simply rolled back on his wheelchair with a frosty (geddit? ''cuz ''cold beauty'', ''frosty'' ...sorry) expression.


    Arswen stood protectively in front of his brother, scowling his fiercest scowl, which was actually kind of cute. Hewey must have thought so too, because he just went ''Aww'' and tried to pat Arswen''s head. Arwen batted his hand away with a particularly pissed-off glare.


    "You''re cute," Hewey told him instead. "But I''m not a danger to your brother. I just want to help."


    "And ''helping'' means threatening to close down our shop unless he gives himself over to you?" Arswen snarled. "I don''t think so."


    "Oh, that. Don''t think of that as a threat, think of it more as, ah, incentive."


    Oh my god. If I were any less oblivious to the tension in the room, I would have burst out laughing. So cliche, man.


    "Because I am a generous man, I gave you quite some time to choose. So what''ll it be, sweetheart?" Hewey tilted his head to the side and smiled. "Well, I already know your answer, but I would like to hear it from your own, luscious pink lips."


    I would have snorted if my nose didn''t hurt so much.


    Before Arsral could either give in or tell Hewey to go fuck himself, which was much more likely, I decided an interruption was in order.


    I cleared my throat. "Ahem. Hi, yes, I''m here as well,"


    I raised a hand and waved when everyone turned to me.


    "Now, not that I''m not enjoying all the drama and tension and whatnot that''s going on here," I gestured into the air, "But really, all this is-"


    "Who are you?" Hewey cut me off.


    "Oh! I guess I haven''t introduced myself yet. I''m Joan, newest, and uh, only, I guess, employee of Cleimeph. I''d say the meeting is appreciated but, well," I shrugged, "I''d be lying."


    "Uh huh, sure, whatever." Hewey dismissed me and turned back to the brothers.


    "Ah ah ah! I''m not done yet!"


    Hewey heaved a much put-upon sigh and rolled his eyes as he turned to face me again.


    "Yes,Joan, what do you want. Make it quick," he ordered.


    "Alright, I''ll tell you what I want. I want," feeling my temper flare, I took a calming breath, "an apology. When you three opened the door, you opened it right into my face. At the very least, I want an apology for that. It seriously hurt, and still does, you know."


    Hewey stared at me. As did everyone else.


    Finally, he said, "Are you serious?"


    I was tempted to say ''No, I''m Joan''. "Oh, I assure you, I''m beingvery-"


    "What makes you think that someone like me would ever apologise to the likes of you?" He completely steamrolled over my words and kept going. "I mean, really, are you alright in the head?"


    Normally, I don''t respond to insults. It''s a waste of time, and laughing it off either frustrates or perplexes the person who''s insulting you, both of which are great outcomes.


    Chill. I am chill.


    "I mean, I''m the son of the lord of this entire area, and you''re just... you. In fact, the only merit you have is that you work for Arsral, who is important because I''m interested in him. Also because his beauty is unparalleled, of course."


    I am cool. I am calm. I will not lose my temper.


    "Honestly, maybe the fact that you''re brave enough to demand an apology from me should be a merit in and of itself. Or maybe that''s just sheer idiocy."


    Chill. I am chill.


    "Either way, I congratulate you on setting a world record for most foolish person alive."


    I am cool. I am calm. I will-


    Seeming to forget that he was one who caused in the first place, he finished with, "Anyway, I can''t believe you even tried with that face of yours. Can''t you do something about that unpleasant green and purple colour?"


    I WILL ABSOLUTELY LOSE MY FUCKING TEMPER.

 9) I yell a surprisingly small amount

    I pasted a relaxed smile on my face andwalked towardsHeouie.


    The two grunts moved to block my path. My eyes flicked towards their statuses floating right in front of them.


    <blockquote>


    Name: Dipsun


    Level: 48


    Age: 25


    Race: Human??[Details]


    Afflictions: None??[Details]


    Occupation: B-rank Adventurer; Gastothes Grunt


    HP: 803/803


    MP: 399/399


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    <blockquote>


    Name: Sipdun


    Level: 48


    Age: 25


    Race: Human??[Details]


    Afflictions: None??[Details]


    Occupation: B-rank Adventurer; Gastothes Grunt


    HP: 809/809


    MP: 387/387


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    Matching names. Cute.


    Both were Level 48 and were C-rank Adventurers. I had reached Level 6 just yesterday and was a simple shop employee.


    "Move," I told them.


    They didn''t budge. A muscle twitched under my eye. The smile dropped off my face.


    "Move."


    "No."


    I closed my eyes, bringing my hands together in front of my mouth, and took a deep breath. While I did, the black fluffball skittered up my leg and kept going until it reached my shoulder. I opened my eyes.


    "Get out," I growled, "of myfucking way!"


    Energy rushed through my arms as I swung my fist at Dipsun. His eyes widened in shock before he doubled over.


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached.[Gut Punch]has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    [Gut Punch], huh? Interesting. If that was a thing, then what about...


    When Sipdun rushed at me, fist raised, I kicked out and got him between the legs.


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached.[Low Blow]has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    Nice. It was strange how a Level 1 [Gut Punch] and [Low Blow] could take out two seasoned adventurers, but I could think about that later.


    Sipdun let out a high keening sound as he sunk down to his knees and rested his forehead on the ground. I felt a brief pang of pity. Then I kicked him in the side. And just to make things fair, I kicked Dipsun in the side as well.


    I considered stepping on them a few times, then decided there were more pressing matters to attend to. My eyes latched onto Heouie, and he flinched.


    I walked towards him. He backed up. I kept walking. He kept backing up. Then his back hit the wall and he stopped backing up.


    ¡°D-don¡¯t you know who I am?! M-my father is the lord of this town! Maybe if you bow down right now and apologise, I won¡¯t-¡± Heouie tried.Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    ¡°Shut up.¡± I planted a foot on the wall, right between his legs.


    His mouth clamped shut with an almost audible clack of teeth. I slid my foot up until Heouie had to stand on his tippy toes to stop his genitals from being crushed.


    ¡­I wasn¡¯t actually sure where to go from here.


    Well, I¡¯d just been reminded that he was, in fact, a person in a position of power, being a noble and all, so if I didn¡¯t handle this correctly, there could be very bad consequences for me and the brothers. I¡¯d either have to placate him enough that he no longer felt like retaliation was in order, or terrify him enough that it wouldn¡¯t even cross his mind.


    Like hell I was doing the former. I was already midway through the latter anyway, and half-assing something like that was just not on.


    So scaring the living daylights out of him it was.


    I leaned in real close.


    ¡°Actually, I changed my mind. I¡¯d love to hear what you have to say,¡± I drawled. ¡°Maybe if I prostrate myself before you, you won¡¯t what?¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t, I won¡¯t¡­¡±


    ¡°Hm¡­?¡± I raised a single, sardonic eyebrow.


    ¡°I, I won¡¯t tell my father to send his guards to arrest you all and set fire to this miserable excuse of an item shop! Yes,¡± he said, gaining some confidence back, ¡°yes, that¡¯s right! I¡¯m a generous man. I¡¯ll forgive this indignity if you-¡±


    ¡°Alright, that¡¯s enough,¡± I interrupted, shifting my foot just a little higher. He closed his mouth.


    I leaned back and contemplated my next action. Let¡¯s see¡­ first, we needed to tell him off.


    ¡°Let¡¯s talk about feelings, shall we, dear?¡± I said, absently stroking the black fluffball, who cooed softly and nuzzled against my hand. (So. Soft. So. Fluffy. Omg.) ¡°Feelings. Everybody has ¡®em. Good people, bad people, the pretty and the ugly. I have feelings. And you know what you did to those feelings when you opened a door right into my face and then called it ugly?¡±


    Damn, why did I do that with my leg? Dramatic gesturing was so much more effective when done with your whole body.


    I placed a hand over where my heart probably was and gave Heouie a mock-hurt look. ¡°You hurt them, darling. You really, really hurt my feelings.¡±


    When Heouie opened his mouth again, I lifted my foot up just a little more and lifted a single finger in front of my lips.


    ¡°Ah ah ah! I¡¯m not done yet. Be a dear and listen quietly until the end, would you? Well,¡± I shrugged, ¡°even you don¡¯t, it¡¯s no big deal. I¡¯ll just have to make you.¡±


    I let the unsaid threat hang in the air for a little while, before abruptly breaking eye-contact to twist around and use [Gut Punch] on one of the grunts. He collapsed again with a ¨C heh ¨C grunt of pain.


    Yes! Thank you ¨C I quickly checked his status ¨C Dipsun! Now I could finally move my foot without dropping on the fear scale! I kicked him in thanks.


    ¡°Anyway, enough about my feelings,¡± I continued like I wasn¡¯t currently grinding a man¡¯s head into the floorboards. Shame it wasn¡¯t dirt, really. Woulda been about twice as effective. ¡°Now let¡¯s talk about Arsral¡¯s. You¡¯ve been harassing him for how long, now? No, no, don¡¯t answer that. It doesn¡¯t matter.¡±


    I was still close enough to lean in uncomfortably close ¨C for both him and me ¨C to his face. ¡°So, feelings. Arsral¡¯s feelings, specifically. I dunno what kinda dumb idea you¡¯ve got in that pretty head of yours about the way he acts towards you, and, if you¡¯ll excuse my language, I don¡¯t give a shit. Here¡¯s the facts. You like him. Correct?¡±


    I waited until I¡¯d gotten a shaky nod from him before going on. ¡°You like him. He doesn¡¯t like you. He¡¯s probably told you as much. And then, you got it in your pretty, pretty dumb, head that he¡¯s playing hard to get or somethin¡¯, right? Don¡¯t answer that either. I don¡¯t care. Regardless, for some reason, you think acting like a complete and utter tool will earn you his affection.¡±


    ¡°No?¡± I raised an eyebrow. ¡°You don¡¯t think you¡¯ve been acting like a fucking tool? Let¡¯s review what you were saying to him before.¡±


    Crap. I¡¯d forgotten what words he¡¯d used.


    ¡°I forget what words you used exactly, but I¡¯m pretty sure you put him down through your words, implied he was nothing more than a pretty face, and just then, you threatened to set fire to this shop, something he clearly values, if you didn¡¯t get your way. Think. About. It.¡±


    I emphasized each word with a stomp on Dipsun¡¯s head.


    ¡°Put yourself in his shoes. If you were him, would you want a partner who acts like a spoiled toddler throwing a tantrum because it wanted something that didn¡¯t belong to it? Would you want to be with someone who didn¡¯t think or care about your feelings whatsoever and constantly tried to force their own views on you. Would you want to be with someone who doesn¡¯t know how a proper fucking relationship works?!¡± I yelled.


    Heouie¡¯s wide eyes darted between my enraged ones, to Dipsun whose head was being ground into the floor, and back up, quickly shaking his head quickly.


    I suddenly smiled.


    ¡°Good, good. I¡¯m glad we had this talk.¡±


    I took my foot off poor Dipsun¡¯s head and pulled him up.


    ¡°Now, I think it¡¯s about time for you three to leave, don¡¯t you?¡± I said, dusting the stunned man off. ¡°You¡¯ve certainly been here long enough.¡±


    I pulled Heouie away from the wall and bustled him towards the door. I paused.


    ¡°Unless you have further business with us?¡± I prompted politely.


    Heouie shook his head so hard I was almost worried that it¡¯d fly right off his neck. ¡°N-no, no, w-we¡¯re going, we¡¯re going.¡±


    ¡°My, my,¡± I patted his shoulder, smirking slightly at his flinch, ¡°I know we just had a rather confronting talk, but there¡¯s no need to look at me like I¡¯m the second coming of the Demon King or something.¡±


    ¡°S-sorry.¡±


    ¡°Ooh, manners! See, that¡¯s the sort of thing that gets people to like you.¡±


    Sipdun was already at the door along with Dipsun. The two of them were satisfyingly pale and the plastic slipper mark on Dipsun¡¯s face didn¡¯t look like it was going to go away any time soon.


    I saw the three of them out with my customary wave and pleasant smile.


    ¡°Thank you for coming to Cleimeph! Heouie, I do hope you¡¯ll reflect on what we talked about today. Or I might have to do something regrettable,¡± I muttered darkly. Then I brightened up again. ¡°Please come again!¡±


    I gave them one last wave, and closed the door.

 10) A small black ball of fluff holds my heart (figuratively, though literally would be fine too)

    I slumped against the closed door. Then I realised something. I slapped both hands onto my face.


    ¡°Aaagh...¡±


    Why am I such an idiot! I could have made a [Deal] or something to keep his mouth shut, which would have been a lot more effective! But noooo! For some reason, I thought I was good enough to scare him into silence! Why. Am. I. Such. A. Fucking. Dumbaaaaaaassss!!!


    I seriously felt like slamming my head against the floor until I was sent ten minutes back in time to redo that whole scene. Unfortunately, while there were a lot of things possible in this world that hadn¡¯t been possible in mine, time travel was not one of them. Oh sure, you could stop, change the pace of, and even reverse time in a small bubble of space with a few headache inducing and mana intensive spells, but true time travel was impossible.


    That was a good thing, otherwise the long dead Demon King could have just reversed time every time his plans were foiled by the equally long dead Hero Party. Every single book I¡¯d read on the Demon King¡¯s Reign of Terror (capitalised every single time, no exceptions) had agreed that the biggest factor in his rise to power was his overwhelming talent in the magic arts. It¡¯s rumoured that his <Magic> was 999, hundreds of points above the average magic user¡¯s 200 and the highest possible value, though nobody had ever managed to [Evaluate] him and live to confirm. Personally, I think it would have been more fitting if it was 666.


    Fun fact: There are two categories of ¡®Demons¡¯ in this world. One encompasses all the monsters that had been under the command of the Demon King. The other is the type that Arswen was hoping to summon, the mythical chaotic neutral genie type.


    That was part of the reason why he thought it would be a good idea to try his hand at summoning a demon by the way. Since the deal-making demons weren¡¯t confirmed evil, he thought it would be ¡®safe¡¯. The common sense, or lack thereof, of ten-year-olds will never fail to astound me.


    Uuugghh. I slid my hands down my face roughly. I was so pissed at myself. I could¡¯ve vent- ahem, made Heouie see the error of his ways, kept his and his cronies¡¯ mouths shut, and levelled up [Deal] all at the same time! Three birds with one stone! And what did I do with figurative stone? I left it lying there on the metaphorical pathway, only to trip over it later and realise what an idiot I¡¯d been. Missing opportunities didn¡¯t feel good.


    I gave in and banged my head against the door. The black fluffball (which really needed a name) squeaked and shuffled over.


    ¡°Joan?¡± Arswen, the cheeky brat, poked me in the side. I swatted his hand away.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I said, grunting slightly as I heaved myself off the floor and into a standing position. ¡°Just thinking on all the ways that could¡¯ve gone better is all.¡±


    ¡°You did great.¡±


    I blinked at the surprising vehemence Arsral said the last word with. Well, I had just (at least temporarily) gotten rid of the guy who¡¯d been harassing him for some time now.


    I shrugged. ¡°I guess. Still, could have done better.¡±


    My eyes flicked over to where Icoupewk was hiding. I walked over to look behind the counter.


    The freckled boy, whose hair was actually quite a pleasant shade of green ¨C which I could see now that I wasn¡¯t so annoyed at him ¨C had fainted. I half-expected to see foam around his mouth.


    During which part of my little show had he fainted? Well, whatever. It just meant I was free to tell my frustrations at missing out on the chance to level up [Deal] to Arswen and Arsral freely.


    Due to the fact that summoning a demon was technically illegal, we had to avoid drawing too much attention to the fact that I didn¡¯t belong here, lest someone investigated for some reason and somehow discover what Arswen had done. That, and the fact that it would just be a huge pain in the ass if someone important found out what I could do. I mean, imagine having someone with what was basically an unlimited supply of mana as an asset. You could conquer kingdoms and build your own empire with power like that.


    Huh. I could conquer kingdoms and build my own empire.


    Good thing I had the ambition of a particularly spoiled housecat and a pessimistic view on positions of power. Too much effort and unwanted responsibility.


    Arswen facepalmed and Arsral looked like he had no idea what to do with me when I expressed my dissatisfaction with how I¡¯d handled things.


    ¡°Really? You¡¯re upset about that, of all things?¡± Arswen deadpanned.


    ¡°It¡¯s a matter of efficiency!¡± I told him. ¡°That would have taken the least amount of effort to achieve results perhaps greater than what has actually been achieved. You¡¯re ten, you wouldn¡¯t understand the pressing need to get the most out of what little time you have left on this earth!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re only six years older than me!¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± I dramatically pressed the back of my hand to my forehead. ¡°What a cruel reminder of my own mortality! Six less years to spend, six less years to live!¡±


    I flopped myself onto the boy, much to his annoyance and futile attempts to shove me off. Arsral rolled his eyes, but I could see a hint of an amused smirk on his face. He also looked a lot less worried about Heouie coming back again. That was good.


    ¡°Alright, alright, that¡¯s enough fooling around,¡± he said. ¡°Joan, get off Wen.¡±You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    ¡°There¡¯s no such thing as enough fooling around,¡± I mumbled, even as I did as he said. Arswen scowled and whacked me on the arm. ¡°Ow.¡±


    ¡°Wen.¡±


    Arswen blinked innocently back at his older brother. Brat.


    ¡°Alright, so that¡¯s one problem solved for now,¡± Arsral said, rolling his eyes again. ¡°Here¡¯s hoping that your performance actually managed to scare that guy away for good, but I wouldn¡¯t count on it. If he does come again though, you might get your second chance.¡±


    He nodded at me.


    ¡°Ico seems to have fainted,¡± said Arswen. Arsral wheeled around to check and sighed.


    ¡°He always was particularly high strung. A peculiar quality for a butcher¡¯s son, but it¡¯s never actually affected his work, aside from the talking to customers part, which is covered by the rest of his family anyway,¡± he commented.


    I stared. That nervous wreck worked in a meat shop?


    ¡°Joan, do you think you can carry him?¡±


    ¡°Um...¡± I squeezed past Arsral(¡®s wheelchair) and crouched down next to the unconscious boy. Sliding one arm under his legs and another under his shoulders, I lifted him up with a slight grunt. He was lighter than I expected. His head rested on my shoulder. I hoped he didn¡¯t drool. ¡°As long as he doesn¡¯t live too far away, I think I¡¯ll be able to carry him back.¡±


    Arsral dabbed a few drops of a health potion on my nose before sending me off with Arswen. The bruises faded away like they¡¯d never been there. When I asked him if it was really okay to use the store¡¯s merchandise like that, he replied that he was taking it out of my pay and tucked the rest of the vial into my pocket. The black fluffball decided to tag along with us. I¡¯d checked its status before, and it didn¡¯t seem to have a name.


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll name you Kuro,¡± I said on the way. ¡°What do you think, Kuro?¡±


    Kuro squeaked several times in what I took to be approval.


    ¡°What? Oh, that thing.¡± Arswen glanced at the newly dubbed Kuro and reached up to pet it. Kuro obligingly hopped down to a more reachable height on Icoupewk¡¯s knees. The four of us got a few looks as we walked among the evening crowd. I guess it wasn¡¯t every day you got see a creature as adorable as Kuro. Or maybe it was the unconscious boy in my arms. ¡°Why?"


    I figured there was no harm in telling him. It wasn¡¯t like he or anyone else in this world could judge me for being a weeb.


    ¡°Kuro means black in another language,¡± I explained. ¡°It¡¯s short and simple, perfect for a thing as cute as it- him? Her? Do you have a gender, Kuro?¡±


    Kuro tilted its whole body to the side as if to say, Gender? What¡¯s that? Can you eat it?, then squeaked in alarm as it almost fell off Icoupewk¡¯s knees. Since this seemed to be a fantasy world and Kuro was clearly no ordinary animal, I¡¯d automatically assumed Kuro understood what we were saying, but...


    ¡°Do you even understand what I¡¯m saying?¡± I asked it.


    Kuro cooed at me, and suddenly it didn¡¯t matter. It was too cute! If I hadn¡¯t been holding Icoupewk, I would¡¯ve immediately buried my face in its fur again and rolled around on the ground making an embarrassment of myself. I got a little misty-eyed at its cuteness.


    This was by far the best thing that had happened to me today- no, this year- no, ever! Yeah, that sounded about right.


    Oh Kuro! Light of my life, apple of my eye! Your fur is softer than a kitten¡¯s dream, and blacker than a moonless night! Barely an hour I have known you, yet my heart is entirely your fluffy grasp! Escape would be impossible, had I even the will!


    During my admittedly very bad attempts to wax poetic about Kuro, Icoupewk woke up.


    ¡°You¡¯re up,¡± I noted. Were unconscious people supposed to wake up this easily? Ah, but it¡¯s not like he¡¯d hit his head or anything. ¡°Feeling okay?¡±


    He blinked blearily at me a few times before finally recognising me. He panicked and almost fell out of my arms.


    ¡°J-j-joan?! W-w-wha-?!¡±


    ¡°Please stop squirming, or you¡¯ll fall. You fainted, so we¡¯re taking you home.¡±


    ¡°O-oh.¡± He peeked at me shyly from beneath his bangs. Tea, I thought, looking at the colour. ¡°Y-you can put me down n-now.¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I enjoyed his startled and slightly fearful look for a moment before gesturing to Kuro, who had fallen sleep, with my chin. ¡°Kuro¡¯s fallen asleep, see, and it¡¯s so cute there I can¡¯t bear to move it.¡±


    ¡°O-oh.¡± He was silent after that, and I would¡¯ve told him to stop being so stiff if I hadn¡¯t known it would have the opposite effect.


    Arswen announced we¡¯d arrived a few minutes later and knocked on the door. The sign hanging above it was similar to Cleimeph¡¯s. I wondered if they got the same person to paint them. While Cleimeph¡¯s sign had a pair of red and blue potions lying next to helmet and in front of a sword, Bloremks & Sons just had a large cut of ham crossed with a cleaver beneath the name.


    With it being evening, the shop had already closed, but someone answered the door within a few seconds. A young man with hair the same colour as Icoupewk¡¯s pulled the door open roughly and his eyes immediately zeroed in on the boy in my arms.


    ¡°Ico!¡±


    He snatched him from my arms and glared at me. Kuro hopped back onto my shoulder.


    ¡°Who the hell are you?¡± he demanded. I held my hands up placatingly and opened my mouth to explain when Icoupewk tugged on his brother¡¯s (I mean, he had the same green hair, green eyes, and dark skin and wasn¡¯t old enough to be ¡®Bloremks¡¯, so) sleeve.


    ¡°Kay, it¡¯s fine. He¡¯s the guy that¡¯s recently started working at Cleimeph.¡± Though his voice was quiet, he spoke without the stutter I¡¯d come to expect of him and he was a lot more relaxed. I was surprised at how fast he¡¯d defended me though.


    ¡°That¡¯s who Arsral employed?¡± He gave me a critical once-over. ¡°His hair and eyes really are black.¡±


    I gave him my most disarming smile and lowered my hands. ¡°Yes, they are. Hello, I¡¯m Joan, and yes, I¡¯m currently working at Cleimeph. You must be Icoupewk¡¯s brother.¡±


    ¡®Kay¡¯ narrowed his eyes at me a moment longer before looking away with a ¡®hmph¡¯.


    ¡°Elrenkay. Oh, Arswen, you¡¯re here too?¡± he said, finally noticing the scowling red-head. ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t see you there.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t blame you, he¡¯s a very sho- oof.¡±


    Arswen filled them in on this afternoon¡¯s events as I rubbed my side. I didn¡¯t miss the reappraising look Elrenkay gave me when told of my part in driving Heouie away. I chipped in when Arswen was pretty much finished with story.


    ¡°So I picked your brother up and carried him all the way here. He woke up on the way, which was surprising, because I thought sleeping beauties could only be woken up with a kiss.¡±


    Too late, I realised I¡¯d miscalculated.


    ¡°YOU WHAT.¡±


    ¡°Did I say that out loud? Sorry, it¡¯s just, have I mentioned that I think both you and your brother are very attractive people? I am very appreciative of good looks, so you¡¯ll have to forgive any inappropriate thoughts that slip out of my mouth.¡±


    Have I ever mentioned how much I wish I could just sew my own fucking mouth shut?


    ¡°INAPPROPRIATE THOUGHTS.¡±


    Icopewk¡¯s whole face was dark red and Elrenkay was quickly heading the same way, but for different reasons. I turned a ¡®please save me¡¯ gaze on Arswen, who wore the face of a person watching a particularly brutal car crash at a busy intersection in slow motion. He sighed but thankfully didn¡¯t leave me to dig an even bigger hole for myself.


    ¡°Ico, thanks for warning us about that man. Kay, maybe you and Ral can catch up sometime. Anyway, we still have things to do back at the store, so we¡¯ll be leaving now. Goodbye.¡±


    ¡°Bye.¡±


    Arswen grabbed my arm and we hastily ran walked away from the fuming Elrenkay.


    ¡°I never knew you were such a shameless flirt!¡± he hissed.


    ¡°I¡¯m not!¡± I wailed quietly. ¡°I was just trying to improve their first impressions of me and overcompensated!¡±


    ¡°Joan. You¡¯re an idiot!¡±


    ¡°I know!¡±

 11) Rumours sure spread quickly here

    ¡°You¡¯re too skinny. You should eat more.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine with this much.¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t possibly be. Is the food not to your liking?¡±


    ¡°No, I¡¯m just not a big eater.¡±


    ¡°Here, have some more.¡±


    ¡°Really, Auntie, I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°We have this exact conversation every time I come over. And every time I end up winning, so you might as well save yourself the effort. Here.¡±


    I sighed, but let Aunt Detion pile food onto my plate. She came over every two weeks to have dinner with us, and every time she did she insisted that I wasn¡¯t eating enough and kept pushing food on me much like my grandma would.


    Today, we were eating roast pork with salad. And potatoes. Lots of potatoes. The people here sure liked their potatoes. I don¡¯t think we¡¯d ever gone a single meal without potatoes. It was like rice, but Irish. Potato.


    I took a drink out of my cup. Yes, my cup. After two weeks of living here, we¡¯d all gone out to celebrate my presence by purchasing a mug all for me. It was pitch black with a dark purple handle, my two favourite colours together. An incredibly warm feeling had filled my chest when Arsral had placed it in my hands with ¡°Here, this cup is now yours.¡±


    Arswen pushed the jug of greckleberry juice over to me when I gestured for it, and I refilled my mug. Greckleberries are bright green, so I thought it¡¯d be sour. I was very wrong. They weren¡¯t sour at all. They tasted like a mix between blueberries and pear.


    ¡°So, a little birdie told me you gave quite the talking to the lord¡¯s son,¡± Aunt Detion mentioned.


    ¡°I have no idea what you¡¯re talking about,¡± I replied immediately. ¡°A lowly peasant such as myself would never be as audacious as to scold a member of high society.¡±


    ¡°Why are you hiding it?¡± Arsral raised an eyebrow, placing a piece of meat in his mouth. When he¡¯d finished swallowing it, he pointed his fork at me. ¡°Audacious it might have been, but that fool needed to be dealt with sooner or later. If you hadn¡¯t done it yesterday, I would have done it eventually.¡±


    ¡°Ugh, I just- I don¡¯t know.¡±


    I sighed and put my chin on the table.


    ¡°I just think I could have handled it better, you know? Be all cool and calm... Losing my temper is just so blegh,¡± I complained. I thought back to my twelvie days and cringed. Back then I thought being violent was cool for some reason. Was probably influenced by too much shounen manga.


    ¡°Joan, you¡¯re weird,¡± Arswen said.


    Arsral gave Aunt Detion the full story, and in return she gave us the latest news from the Neighbourhood Association of Gossiping Old Ladies. It was actually called that. Apparently someone had declared gossiping old ladies to be the most useless people in the world very loudly in earshot of several of them, and those women had formed the NAGOL in response. The Association, made primarily of middle-aged and elder women, now spanned several towns and was actually the biggest power in the area. They weren¡¯t exactly underground, but to say they were aboveground would be a lie.Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    When we¡¯d finished dinner, Aunt Detion clapped me on the shoulder and said ¡°Let me know if the lord¡¯s idiot son gives you young ones any more trouble. The NAGOL have been wanting to do something about him since the start, but this stubborn child,¡± she tilted her head at Arsral, ¡°has been refusing our help.¡±


    ¡°Oh, um, okay,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯ll be sure to do that.¡±


    When she left, I asked Arsral, ¡°If they¡¯re really that powerful and were offering their help, why didn¡¯t you accept?¡±


    Arsral got a far-off look in his eyes.


    ¡°I would only wish the full wrath of the NAGOL on my worst enemy,¡± he said grimly.


    ¡°Full wrath? What¡¯s the worst they could do, spread a few bad rumours about Heouie?¡±


    Arsral looked at me for a long moment. ¡°The next town over¡¯s lord would constantly harass women in his employ. One day he went too far. In just one week¡¯s time, he went from a rich lord to an alcoholic beggar in the street. Aunt Detion is the one of the founders of the Association. Even a child could figure out what would happen if I accepted her offer.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I had nothing to say to that. ¡°...Is it my turn to do the dishes?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s your turn to do the dishes.¡±


    <hr>


    ¡°Hello...¡±


    I took a moment to figure out who it was. ¡°...Senga! You look, uh...¡±


    ¡°Just say it,¡± she sighed, resting her head on the counter. She obviously hadn¡¯t been bothered to comb her usually bright blue hair today. It was all tangled and dull.


    ¡°Like shit,¡± I finished, wrinkling my nose at the smell of stale alcohol. ¡°You look like shit. And smell bad too.¡±


    ¡°Way to make a girl feel special.¡±


    ¡°You asked for it,¡± I shrugged. ¡°Drink too much yesterday?¡±


    ¡°Ugh, no kidding,¡± she said. ¡°I feel like shit. Got any hangover remedies?¡±


    ¡°The Apothecary¡¯s only a few streets further down. It¡¯s cheaper there too.¡±


    ¡°Should you really be recommending your competitors to your customers? That¡¯s a few streets too many.¡±


    ¡°Fair enough. Hangover remedy is aisle 1, shelf...¡± I took another look at her state. ¡°On second thoughts, I¡¯ll get it for you.¡±


    ¡°Please.¡±


    I quickly got the bottles and got back.


    ¡°Here,¡± I said. ¡°Four bottles. I imagine the rest of your party is in a similar state.¡±


    ¡°Binediem¡¯s never had a hangover in her life, but I¡¯ll take the extra bottle anyways. Here.¡±


    Senga slapped the correct amount on the counter, wincing at the noise, and uncapped one of the bottle to down it all in one go. She sighed in relief as her headache began to abate.


    ¡°So, what¡¯s this I hear about you chewing out the lord¡¯s dumb son?¡±


    ¡°Ugh, not you too,¡± I groaned. ¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about it.¡±


    ¡°Wish I could¡¯ve been there. From what I heard, it merits its own ballad.¡±


    ¡°What exactly did you hear?¡±


    ¡°That you almost destroyed the shop with your fury and killed a man with just a look.¡±


    ¡°Well, as you can see, the shop is perfectly fine, and while I did kick a few guys around, I didn¡¯t even really hurt them.¡±


    ¡°Did you at least grind a man¡¯s head into the ground?¡±


    ¡°Let me introduce you to Kuro,¡± I said, picking the creature up and putting it on the counter. Kuro squeaked happily. ¡°It¡¯s cute, fluffy, and survives on mana.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll take that as a yes,¡± Senga said.


    ¡°Look at it,¡± I said. ¡°Have you ever seen anything as cute?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve killed too many deceptively cute and fluffy monsters to still be susceptible to their charms.¡±


    I gasped and clutched my chest. ¡°Oh, Senga, what a dull life you must live. To no longer have your heart moved by a creature as adorable as Kuro.¡±


    I wiped a fake tear away.


    ¡°I weep for you, my friend. Here, let Kuro unlock the chains around your heart so that you too, may once again appreciate all creatures fluffy and cute.¡±


    Senga watched the cooing Kuro warily.


    ¡°Uh, no thanks. It was just last week that Cottor got mauled trying to pet a rabid squirrel thing.¡±


    ¡°Kuro is no ¡®rabid squirrel thing¡¯!¡±


    ¡°Speaking of Cottor, I think I¡¯ve let him and my brother suffer long enough, so I¡¯ll be going now.¡±


    ¡°Let Kuro into your heart! Cuteness is justice!¡±


    ¡°Cuteness is just something monsters use so they can eat you,¡± she corrected.


    ¡°Blasphemy! I will not hear any more of this, fiend.¡± I shooed her away. ¡°Go, give your friends their medicine. Perhaps they will be able to appreciate the adorableness of Kuro.¡±


    ¡°Yes, yes, I¡¯m going now. I¡¯ll bring Cottor over sometime and you two can bond over all creatures cute and fluffy.¡±


    She waved goodbye over her shoulder. I yelled after her, ¡°Let Kuro into your heart!¡±

 12) Being declared someones rival is bloody annoying

    I opened my eyes and felt like I was dying.


    Groaning, I rolled out of bed and landed on the floor with a thump. I spent a few moments on the cool wooden boards psyching myself up for what I would discover when I lifted the blankets.


    Come on, Joan, it¡¯s not that big of a deal, just do it already.


    I lugged myself to my knees and tossed my blanket up. The big red spot on the mattress confirmed my suspicions.


    My period had come.


    And-


    ¡°Goddamnit, Kuro. That¡¯s my blood you¡¯re sitting on.¡±


    I lifted the creature off the bed. Its fur was black, so any bloodstains couldn¡¯t be seen unless one looked closely.


    That¡­ sounded sinister. Well, it was just Kuro. I plopped it onto my shoulder.


    I swiped my fingers across my ass and grimaced at the sticky red left on my fingers. Trying to get the blood off everything was always the worst part.


    But wait! I perked up, remembering I was in a fantasy world with magic. I closed my eyes, gathering up the magic I could feel in my core, and imagined the blood disappearing.


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached. [Clean] has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    Hell yeah.


    The bed had returned to its original colour and my ass was no longer covered in blood. I pumped my fist with a silent whoop. No longer would I have laboriously hand wash everything I¡¯d bled on; I could just wave my hand and it would be gone.


    Now, if only there was a skill that could get rid of the pain¡­


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached. [Resist Pain] has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    ¡­Good enough.


    <hr>


    Kuro purred comfortingly on my back as I lay face down on the sofa and waited for someone else to come cook breakfast. Usually, whoever got up first would cook, but, y¡¯know, period pain. At least mine only came every few months instead of every month.


    I used to be one of those girls who would lord how I had painless periods over everyone else. This was what they called karma.


    ¡°¡­Joan?¡±


    I¡¯d been so engrossed in the pain that I hadn¡¯t noticed Arsral had entered the combined kitchen/dining/living room until he spoke.Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°G¡¯mornin¡¯,¡± I mumbled into the cushions.


    ¡°Is everything¡­ alright?¡±


    ¡°Being female is horrible. Menstruation is horrible.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡±


    There was silence for a few long moments, then something was tapped against my head. I looked up to see Arsral holding a vial of health potion and looking faintly uncomfortable.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been told that drinking health potions helps with the pain.¡±


    I took it from him, uncorking it and tipping about half of it into my mouth. Immediately, the pain subsided enough that I didn¡¯t feel like jumping off a cliff anymore.


    ¡°Thanks.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s coming out of your pay.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, yeah.¡±


    Soon, the smell of breakfast roused me from my place on the sofa. Arswen had come down a few minutes before and was sitting on the other end of the sofa, patting my head sympathetically.


    After a meal of bread and porridge, it was time to get the store ready. I waved Arsral¡¯s offer to move my day off to today. I could work. I was just going to be grumpier than usual while doing so.


    Maybe the customers could sense my bad mood, because they were even less difficult than usual. On second thought, it might have had more to do with the combination of the knife in my hands and my face, which I had been told was deeply intimidating when I didn¡¯t smile, than their social intelligence.


    I had conjured the knife to whittle away both a block of conjured wood and the time. I was feeling pretty good about the pun and felt like maybe today wouldn¡¯t be so bad after all, but then¡­


    ¡°Ahem!¡±


    It was Heouie. Lovely. I didn¡¯t bother to hide my distaste at his presence, top lip curling back freely.


    ¡°I¡¯d say welcome to Cleimeph, but you¡¯re really not. Why are you here.¡± I didn¡¯t bother turning it into a question.


    ¡°Now, is that any way to treat a customer? Really, I don¡¯t know how you haven¡¯t been fired yet.¡±


    A muscle beneath my eye twitched. Looks like he forgotten what had transpired just a few days ago. I itched to remind him.


    ¡°Cut to the chase, Heouie. I got full authority to kick anyone I don¡¯t like out.¡±


    At this moment, I really wished I could crack every one of my knuckles like a friend of mine. But unfortunately, I couldn¡¯t, so I had to settle for twirling my knife around my fingers. Intimidating, sure, but it was more ¡®slit your throat¡¯ than the ¡®forcibly remove you from the premises¡¯ I was going for. Heouie visibly gulped when he saw the way the knife flashed through my fingers.


    ¡°Fine,¡± he sniffed, turning his head up at me. ¡°After our conversation a few days ago, as much as it pains me to admit it, you may have had a point. Perhaps I have been going about this incorrectly.¡±


    His admission threw me and I almost fumbled with my knife. Narrowing my eyes at him, I sensed that there was more he had to say.


    ¡°And¡­?¡±


    ¡°And every great love story has to have a great rival and after your performance last time, I have deemed you worthy!¡±


    ¡°Absolutely not,¡± I said, and was ignored.


    ¡°On my next visit, I will challenge you to a battle of wits! When I win, Arsral will see how I am obviously so much better than you and fall into my arms! So be prepared!¡±


    Is he for real?


    ¡°I refuse,¡± I said, but the pompous ass had already flounced out of the shop.


    I looked at Kuro. Kuro looked at me.


    I made several boi motions in Heouie¡¯s general direction with my hands. Kuro copied me with its ears. I aimed my hands in the other direction and did the same thing. Kuro copied me again. I brought my hands together and pulled them apart again, then made all kinds of strange hand gestures, Kuro copying my movements as well as it could.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    Kuro and I froze in the middle of our game of mirror.


    ¡°Heouie just came in and declared me his rival,¡± I said instead of answering Arsral¡¯s question.


    ¡°He¡­¡± Arsral sighed and covered his forehead with a hand. ¡°Alright, then. Don¡¯t lose to him, Joan.¡±


    ¡°Is that really all you have to say on the matter?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s declared you his rival, which means he won¡¯t bother me until he defeats you. He¡¯s your problem now. Good luck.¡±


    ¡°Wait, what?¡±

 13) Dont play poker with the Demon

    The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and my period had ended last night. It was my day off, and I had full access to Cleimer¡¯s study. There were a lot of books I hadn¡¯t read yet, and it was the perfect day to grab one and find my way to the town square.


    It was going to be a great day, I could just feel it.


    But, of course, the universe was listening and loved proving me wrong. Bitch.


    I¡¯d done the customary window shopping, actually shopping, even tossed a few coins into the fountain, and was all settled down at one of the various caf¨¦s with a cup of tea and a snack.


    Then, he appeared.


    I buried my face further in my book. He probably wasn¡¯t looking for me anyway.


    He spotted me and immediately headed my way. I twitched. No, no, this was a popular caf¨¦, that was probably it.


    Just in case, though¡­


    I closed my book and tossed few coins onto the table. Shoving the remaining biscuits into my mouth, I quickly got up and walked away.


    Running away? No, no, this was a tactical retreat.


    ¡°Joan!¡±


    I pretended to be deaf and started walking faster.


    ¡°Hey, Joan!¡±


    Even faster.


    ¡°Jo-an!¡±


    How fast can one go without it looking like you¡¯re running away, even if that¡¯s what you¡¯re doing?


    I was about go ¡®Fuck it¡¯ and just start flat out sprinting, when one of Heouie¡¯s stooges stepped out in front of me. I turned around and came face to face with Heouie.


    ¡°Good day, Joan,¡± Heouie smugly greeted me. ¡°I hope you haven¡¯t forgotten about our challenge of wits.¡±


    Goddamnit.


    <hr>


    Later, at the Dancing Lizapier¡­


    The cards on the table were the Nine of Diamonds and the Nine, Queen, and Jack of Spades.


    The dealer dealt the final card: The Ace of Spades.


    The final betting round commenced. When it ended, only three players remained.


    Sipdun revealed his chosen hole cards.


    The Queen of Clubs and Nine of Hearts.Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    ¡°Full house.¡±


    Next, Heouie revealed his.


    The Eight and Ten of Spades.


    ¡°Straight flush.¡±


    Together, they, along with everyone else at the table, turned to look at me expectantly. Heouie looked triumphant, already thinking he had won. I kept my expression placid as I selected two cards from my hand and revealed them to the table.


    A Ten and a King, both of Spades.


    ¡°Royal flush.¡±


    The tavern, previously hushed by the weirdly intense game of poker we were playing, exploded into noise.


    Heouie gaped at the proof of my superiority. I broke out into a shit-eating grin.


    Challenge me to a game of what¡¯s essentially Omaha poker? You¡¯d be better off trying to find a fucking grain of sugar in a fucking salt factory.


    ¡°I-impossible!¡± he spluttered.


    ¡°The proof is right before your eyes.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve gotten a royal flush the last two hands as well!¡±


    ¡°What can I say? I¡¯m just that fuckin¡¯ good.¡±


    ¡°You must be cheating!¡±


    I leaned back from the accusing finger he pointed in my face and crossed my arms. I pressed a hand to my heart in mock hurt and replied with ¡°Me, cheat? You wound me, truly,¡± which wasn¡¯t a denial.


    As he spluttered in outrage, I glanced outside and realised with a start just how long I¡¯d been playing for.


    ¡°Oh, shit, it¡¯s gettin¡¯ pretty fuckin¡¯ late. I should really get goin¡¯.¡±


    I took the chance to quietly slip the cards I¡¯d hidden away back into the deck when everybody looked outside as well. When they looked back, I¡¯d already begun to sweep up my winnings.


    I paused. After a quick perusal of all the coins, I spoke.


    ¡°Several people here look like they¡¯re contemplatin¡¯ homicide,¡± which caused more than a few to look away sheepishly, ¡°so I¡¯ll only take the gold coins and leave all the rest.¡±


    Pretty much all the gold coins had come from Heouie anyway, so I didn¡¯t feel too bad about taking them.Served him right for destroying what would have otherwise been a perfect day.


    ¡°Heouie, yaint got nothin¡¯ left, so I reckon I¡¯ve beaten you at your own shitty challenge. Don¡¯t bother me for at least two fuckin¡¯ weeks. Everyone else, I bid you g¡¯night.¡±¡¯


    I quickly left the tavern and wandered off in a random direction.


    The cool night air brushed over my face. I pressed a hand to my racing heart and breathed it in deeply. I hadn¡¯t gotten this excited in a long time. There was nothing quite like pulling the wool over everyone¡¯s eyes. There were several times I¡¯d almost gotten caught, but that only made it more exciting.


    I wanted to do it again.


    No! Bad Joan. Gambling is bad. Baaaaad. You only did this well because nobody was expecting it. You will get caught someday, and then where will you be? Stick to magic card tricks.


    I slapped myself and came back to my senses.


    I¡¯d been taught how to cheat at poker by a friend¡¯s older sister. I¡¯d been sleeping over at her house with a bunch of others and playing an honest game of poker when she came in and just started teaching us how to cheat. I¡¯d already been pretty good at sleight of hand and was one of her best students. Not the best though. One of my friends wasn¡¯t quite as skilled with her hands but had a better memory.


    We liked to play games where someone was assigned as cheater and someone else had to figure out who it was, like a mix of wink murder and poker, and also games where everyone was cheating and you tried to call out others and not get called out.


    I wonder if I¡¯ll ever be able to play with them again.


    ¡­


    Well, that was enough reminiscing. I was here now, and probably wouldn¡¯t ever get to go back unless I wanted to get myself mixed up in all sorts of undesirable matters.


    Miraculously, I was able to get back to the shop before the sky darkened completely.


    ¡°I¡¯m home!¡± I called, unlocking and opening the back door.


    ¡°Pardon?¡± Arswen replied, looking at me with confusion. He¡¯d been reading one of his late father¡¯s texts on the sofa.


    I blinked and realised I¡¯d said it in Cantonese, the way I would have upon reaching home in the other world.


    Huh.


    Maybe I really was starting to think of this place as home.


    I grinned at Arswen. ¡°Whoops, sorry. Wrong language. I¡¯m home.¡±


    ¡°Oh, okay. Welcome home.¡±


    My grin grew wider. Arswen gave me a suspicious look.


    ¡°Why¡¯re you grinning?¡±


    When I only grinned even wider, he turned back to his book with a shake of his head.


    ¡°Weirdo.¡±


    ¡°Haha.¡±

 14) Everyones got issues and its not up to me to solve them

    The thing about working behind the single counter of a shop like Cleimeph was that it could be really, really boring sometimes. Customers tended to come in early in the morning and late in the evening, since most were adventurers who spent daylight, well, adventuring. So in the slow time in between, I pretty much had nothing to do.


    Arsral had his wheelchair so he didn¡¯t need a stool, and the one Arswen used during the rare times he tended the shop was too high and pressed my thighs up into the countertop. So I¡¯d conjured my own wooden stool once my level was high enough. Law of equivalent exchange? What¡¯s that?


    I was now at lucky Level 7 and so were [Light Orb] [Light Manipulation] [Conjure] and [Clean]. The combat skills and [Deal] were still at Level 1 for obvious reasons and [Resist Pain] was only at Level 2 because of the way I kept hitting my head on the top of the doorframe.


    Being taller than everyone else was great but brought problems that I had never experienced before. Worth it.


    Most of the time when I tended the shop I had a book in front of me. Today I had a book summarising the many different races that inhabited this world.


    Dwarves


    One of the three great races. Legend says the first Dwarf was born from stone. They are born looking almost the same as a human baby and their skin takes upon a rocky pallor as they reach adolescence. Their skin hardens when exposed to sunlight so most dwarves prefer to stay in their underground cities. Their-


    The bell hanging over the door tinkled as a new customer pushed their way inside. I glanced up briefly from my book to greet them.


    ¡°Welcome to Cleimeph.¡±


    -high tolerance for heat allows them to stay inside their volcano forges for an extended period of time. Despite being one of the few intelligent races without the ability to naturally manipulate mana, they-


    ¡°You!¡±


    I looked up again to meet an angry gaze and pointing finger. One look at his dark blue mohawk and I remembered who he was.


    The thug guy who was in the alleyway that one time I got super lost.


    I shifted into the persona of an ¡®overly polite badass¡¯ and raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°Yes, me. Are we going to have a problem?¡± I asked coolly. If we did, at least this time I had some combat skills, low levelled as they were.


    He growled at me. ¡°We will if you interfere with my business with that midget again!¡±


    By midget, he probably meant Toen. After I¡¯d helped him out, I¡¯d seen him around town a few times and exchanged a few words.


    ¡°My, my. What did he ever do to you?¡±


    ¡°He killed my father!¡±


    And with that shocking statement, he turned and charged out of the store.


    ¡­What did he even come in here for?


    Apparently Mohawk wasn¡¯t just some mindless thug after all. I felt a bit bad for stereotyping him now. In my defence, he was acting exactly like one.


    But wow, that was a shocking revelation. Toen didn¡¯t seem the type for murder and was pretty well-liked by everyone. I just couldn¡¯t imagine him killing anyone. But he was reluctant to disclose Mohawk and friend¡¯s reasons for beating him up, which indicated at least some guilt.


    I thought about it for a moment more before shrugging and petting Kuro who was napping on my lap. Fortunately, it hadn¡¯t woken up despite the ruckus.


    Maybe I¡¯d ask Aunt Detion about Mohawk and Toen¡¯s deal later.


    <hr>


    ¡°Yoohoo.¡±


    ¡°You again!¡±


    Elrenkay manoeuvred himself so he was blocking Icoupewk from my line of sight. I¡¯d never managed to convince him I wasn¡¯t some sort of smooth-talking lecher. So with nothing else to do, I¡¯d fallen into the role.This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    ¡°Looking as handsome as ever, Elrenkay. I see your brother has only grown more beautiful since I last saw him.¡±


    Icoupewk squeaked in embarrassment and Elrenkay glared at me even more. The other reason I did this was because it was fun.


    ¡°If you¡¯re not here to buy anything, then leave,¡± the older brother said through gritted teeth. I hadn¡¯t technically done anything wrong so he couldn¡¯t actually kick me out.


    ¡°Now, Kay, don¡¯t be rude to our customers,¡± Bloremks chided. The butcher had turned out to be a burly woman with the same colouring as her sons. ¡°Joan, it¡¯s lovely to see you again. What are you here for?¡±


    ¡°Hello, Bloremks.¡± I smiled winningly at her. ¡°Arsral wants a large smoked ham for dinner.¡±


    ¡°Having guests over?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Yes, Aunt Detion¡¯s coming over today.¡±


    ¡°Only the best for that lady. Here you go.¡±


    She quickly wrapped up a large smoked ham and set it on the counter. I took it after counting out the right change.


    ¡°Thank you.¡±


    I was just about to leave when a familiar face made its appearance.


    ¡°Toen!¡± I said. ¡°What happened? You look like hell.¡±


    He had a black eye and practically limped into the shop. There didn¡¯t seem to be any blood, but he still looked pretty beat up.


    ¡°It¡¯s nothing.¡± Toen waved me off. Was it Mohawk? I wanted to ask what the deal with Mohawk was but this was neither the time nor place.


    ¡°Is that boy Bofere harassing you again?¡± Bloremks was frowning.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not. He does this again and you tell me. We¡¯ll sort him out.¡±


    ¡°I said it¡¯s fine. I¡¯m just here for some ribs.¡±


    ¡°Toen-¡±


    ¡°Bloremks. Please.¡±


    The butcher didn¡¯t look happy, but she dropped the matter and gave Toen what he came for. Toen left. I watched him go.


    ¡°So, is Bofere the guy with a blue mohawk who looks angry all the time?¡± I asked Bloremks.


    ¡°That would be him, yes.¡±


    ¡°He came into Cleimeph the other day and told me that Toen killed his father.¡±


    ¡°Not true,¡± she said firmly. ¡°Frellin was a hero and unfortunately died in the process of saving Toen from monsters.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Phew.¡±


    That was a relief. I wouldn¡¯t have known how to feel if Toen did turn out to be some cold-blooded killer.


    ¡°You¡¯d think he¡¯d have come to terms with it by now. Toen was only ten years old when it happened.¡±


    Toen was¡­ nineteen now so¡­


    ¡°He¡¯s held a grudge for nine whole years?!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s only recently that he started getting physical, but yes.¡±


    I couldn¡¯t even imagine what that was like. Nine years was a long time to me.


    At dinner, Aunt Detion said the same thing when I asked her. She also said the NAGOL were working on it and not to worry. I was still a bit concerned, but in the end, I couldn¡¯t really do anything, so I decided to just forget about it and deal with it only if it came my way.


    <hr>


    I was sweeping the store when some adventurers entered the shop. Arsral was the one to greet them.


    ¡°Welcome to Cleimeph.¡±


    ¡°Ah, hello. We heard from the guild that this place provides the [Evalute] service?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve come to the right place. Joan!¡±


    ¡°Right here!¡±


    I swept (haha) over and took my place behind the counter.


    ¡°Hiya, what can I look at for you today?¡±


    The trio of adventurers ¨C two swordsmen and an archer - gave me doubtful looks before looking at each other and shrugging. The tallest one took a vial of golden liquid out of the pack slung over her shoulder.


    ¡°We went dungeon diving yesterday and got this. I¡¯ve never seen anything like this before.¡±


    ¡°Hm, okay, just gimme a sec¡­¡±


    I carefully took it from her hands and nudged the System. When the screen popped up, I whistled.


    <blockquote>


    Vial of Gorgon¡¯s Blood


    A vial of blood taken from the right side of a Gorgon. Blood from the right side is an elixir of life. Blood from the left side is a deadly poison. The more willingly the blood is given, the more potent it is.


    </blockquote>


    ¡°Gorgon¡¯s Blood. From the right side, no less. Where¡¯d you get something like this?¡±


    The adventurers looked at each other before the woman spoke again.


    ¡°We found it in a treasure chest in the Lair of the Mad Serpent.¡±


    Dungeons were strange existences. Nobody knew where the dungeon cores came from or why there were things like treasure chests. Traps and puzzles were also common in some of the high levelled ones. There¡¯d been a lot of research done into dungeons, but no major breakthroughs, at least none that were released to the public.


    Arswen didn¡¯t bother offering to buy it. Even if they did want to sell something which could bring a recently dead comrade back to life, we¡¯d never be able to afford it.


    When I gave the vial back to them, my hand went through the edge of the information box. Immediately a rush of information flooded my head along with a sharp pain.


    ¡°Ah-¡±


    ¡°Careful!¡±


    The adventurer caught the vial which slipped from my loose fingers just in time.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± the archer asked.


    I blinked the black spots out of my eyes. ¡°Yeah. Yeah, I¡¯m fine. Just a sudden headache.¡±


    Arsral said something, but I was too busy with a wetness leaking onto my lip to register his words. I wiped it away with a finger. It was blood.


    ¡°You¡¯re bleeding!¡±


    Yes, I am, thanks for noticing.


    ¡°Backlash¡­?¡± one of them muttered to himself.


    ¡°That¡¯s never happened before,¡± said Arsral. ¡°Joan, go drink a health potion. And take the rest of the day off.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, okay,¡± I said, still a little disoriented. ¡°That¡¯s a good idea.¡±


    I went into the back and lay down on the sofa, fishing a half-drunk health potion out of my pockets and downing it. My headache disappeared but I still felt a bit lightheaded.


    Okay, so no touching the information box unless you want a nosebleed. Or really, really need to know everything about the thing it¡¯s on.


    When I¡¯d touched it, I¡¯d suddenly known everything there was to know about it. I knew which gorgon it came from, the chemical composition of the blood, what could be done with it, the whole shebang. I couldn¡¯t retain all the information, of course, but I still suddenly knew a lot more than the words the information box had provided. In fact, I was confident that once [Conjure] was at a high enough level, I could even replicate the blood.


    Scary. But enough thinking, naptime now.


    I made myself comfortable and dozed off.

 15) "Because thats not how you act when you dont recognise somebody. Thats very rude."

    I woke up slowly to the sound of arguing.


    ¡°¡ªdying?! Joan was¡ª¡±


    ¡°¡ªthat¡¯s what I said¡ª¡±


    ¡°¡ªnever wake up again¡ª¡±


    ¡°¡ªbrain dead¡ª"


    Two red-heads were arguing with a woman with dark skin and violet hair done up in lots of tiny braids. The younger looked as if he was about to cry and the one in the wheelchair looked uncommonly distressed. None of the three seem to have noticed my awakening.


    I sat up and looked around. This wasn¡¯t where I fell asleep. Where was I?


    I looked at the three arguing people. They still hadn¡¯t noticed me.


    ¡°Uh, hey guys!¡± I lifted a hand in greeting. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡±


    Their heads whipped around to me so fast I feared for their necks. They all looked like they¡¯d just seen a ghost. There was silence for a solid minute, a minute in which my smile grew strained and my arm started aching.


    ¡°Guys¡­?¡±


    The red-headed kid burst into tears. I panicked.


    ¡°Kid?! W-what¡¯s wrong? Is it my fault? Oh my god it¡¯s my fault isn¡¯t it, I¡¯m so sorry for whatever I did!¡±


    ¡°You, you idioooot! Joan, I hate you!¡±


    He latched onto my waist tightly. I hesitantly laid a hand on his back.


    ¡°There, there¡­? I, uh, hate me too?¡±


    I looked to the others for help. The one in the wheelchair threw his hands up and wheeled out of the room. In the corner, the woman was completely absorbed in her own thoughts, muttering something under her breath. No help was to be gotten from there either.


    How do, how do I deal with a crying child? Do I just, like, pat them?


    I patted the kid on the head. He cried harder.


    Shit, did not work! Okay, think, Joan, think! Fuck, I¡¯ve never missed google as much as I do now. ¡®How to make child stop crying¡¯ ¡®how to make child not sad¡¯.


    I came up empty. Guess there was nothing to do but let him cry it out then.


    Ten minutes later, the wheelchair-bound red-head came back in. He still looked mad and I still had no idea why.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± I greeted him.


    He looked as if he wanted to wheel right back out again, but took a deep breath and deigned to speak to me.


    ¡°Joan. What¡¯s the last thing you remember?¡±A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    ¡°Uh¡­ falling asleep on the sofa? Yeah, I fell asleep on the sofa. Why am I here now?¡±


    ¡°I carried you here.¡± Broken out of her thoughts by the re-entrance of the older red-head, the woman spoke up. ¡°Young Arswen here came to me in the very early morning, crying about how you wouldn¡¯t wake up.¡±


    Arswen, huh?


    I looked at his pouting face closely.


    Nope, don¡¯t recognise this kid at all.


    But they seemed to know me, and it¡¯d be rude to suddenly go ¡°WHO ARE YOU¡±. Like, who does that?


    Also, it¡¯d probably make the kid start crying again and nobody wanted that. For now, I¡¯d just go with the flow.


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t crying,¡± Arswen sniffled.


    ¡°Sure, darling,¡± replied the woman. ¡°When I used [Diagnose] on you, I found your health and mana points were rapidly decreasing and brought you back here for treatment. You¡¯ve been unconscious for two days. Just an hour ago, when I checked on you, your mana was at zero and your health points seem to have stabilised at 9. I called Arsral over as your closest relation to discuss what he wanted to do.¡±


    ¡°Amder said you¡¯d never wake up again,¡± the teenage red-head, ¡®Arsral¡¯, said.


    ¡°Yes,¡± Amder agreed. ¡°This is quite frankly a miracle. Let me use [Diagnose] on you again.¡±


    She reached out for my bare arm, but only touched me when I nodded my consent.


    Her eyebrows shot right up.


    ¡°You¡¯re in perfect health,¡± she announced. ¡°Not only is your health back to a hundred percent, so is your mana. How is this possible¡­?¡±


    She descended into muttering her theories and Arsral had to clap in her face to bring her back to reality. She blinked.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± Amder said. ¡°How are you feeling Joan?¡±


    I pondered the question.


    ¡°Great, actually. I haven¡¯t felt this refreshed in ages,¡± I said, surprised by how good I felt. I felt like a morning person who¡¯d gotten up to watch the sunrise at ass¡¯o¡¯clock, like a surfer bro who¡¯d reunited with the sea after several dry months, like an ex-nicotine addict whose withdrawal symptoms had finally disappeared, etc.


    Now, if only this apparent amnesia of mine would go away¡­


    She did a few more standard checks and gave me a clean bill of health. She did ask me a few questions concerning memory, but they were all of stuff I remembered. Through her questions, I found that I more or less remembered places and events, but not people.


    Strange. But the brain is the most complicated organ in the human body after all.


    The red-headed brothers and I went home after that. Arsral ordered me to take the rest of today and tomorrow off, and forbade me from doing any more [Evaluation]. I couldn¡¯t remember whether he knew about my circumstances and powers or not, so I didn¡¯t tell him the cause of all the trouble was because I touched the [Evaluation] screen.


    My room on the second floor of the shop was exactly how I left it. I didn¡¯t recognise the shop name itself, but the setting out was familiar. I also didn¡¯t recognise the black ball of fluff with ears that flew at me as soon I entered the shop, but judging by Arsral and Arswen¡¯s reactions, this ball of fluff was something important to me.


    I sat on the bed and patted it. It cooed happily.


    Time to abuse my powers of [Evaluation] to keep it a secret that I have amnesia.


    The time to tell them I couldn¡¯t remember anyone had gone and passed. If I did it now, it¡¯d just be awkward.


    <blockquote>


    Name: Kuro


    Species: Lesser Mana Vampire


    ¡­


    </blockquote>


    Oh, right, I remembered Kuro now. I lit a hand up with Demon Flames and Kuro happily absorbed them. I also remembered a fight which it helped me win.


    ¡®Vampire¡¯ might be a misnomer, since Kuro has the skill [Amplify], which allows it to amplify the skills of its host depending on how much mana is being fed to it. Since I have an inexhaustible supply of mana substitute, how much Kuro will amplify my skills is solely based on how much it can absorb. So it''s less like a parasite and more like a symbiote.


    I could remember every action I made in that fight, but could not for the life of me recall the faces or identities of the people I fought. Oh well. They¡¯d probably never come around again. And surely none of them would have declared me his rival and challenge me whenever he could. That¡¯d just be silly.


    Content in the knowledge that I would be able to go on with life as before, I drifted off.

 16) Amnesia? Dont know her

    ¡°Joan, the promised two weeks have passed!¡±


    A young man with silver hair burst noisily into the shop with a wide grin, showing off his pearly-white teeth.


    <blockquote>


    Name: Heouie of House Gastothes


    Level: 42


    Age: 17


    Race: Human??[Details]


    Afflictions: None?? [Details]


    Occupation: C-rank Adventurer


    HP: 652/652


    MP: 439/439


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    Nope, still don¡¯t remember who this guy is.


    But he seemed to know who I was, so¡­


    ¡°Heouie!¡± I raised a hand and greeted him with enthusiasm, hoping I¡¯d pronounced his name right. ¡°Long time no see! How are you, man?¡±


    Heouie stumbled and fell flat on his face.


    ¡°Oh shit, mate, you okay?¡±


    I hurried out from behind the counter to help him up. Only when he stared at me like I¡¯d grown a second head did I realise I¡¯d probably fucked up.


    Ah, shit. Are we not friendly? He seemed pleased to see me, so I just assumed¡­


    He narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously. ¡°I¡¯m fine, but you on the other hand-¡±


    Damage control, damage control¡­


    ¡°Anyway!¡± I said loudly. ¡°Listen, Heouie, you know I¡¯m always pleased to see you,¡± which just made his eyes narrow more ¡°but I¡¯m working right now, so¡­¡±


    I turned him around, took ahold of his shoulders, and pushed him out of the store without allowing him to get a word in edgewise.


    ¡°We¡¯ll catch up later, okay? For now, sayonara!¡±


    I waved and shut the door in his stunned face. I wiped the light sweat from my forehead.


    Great. Now to just avoid that guy for the rest of my life. That¡¯ll teach me to assume things.


    ¡°Joan, what the hell was that?¡±


    Shit, I forgot there were actually customers in the shop.


    I pasted a placid smile on my face and looked quizzically at the light blue-haired woman.


    ¡°What was what?¡±


    <blockquote>


    Name: Senga


    Level: 52


    Age: 23


    ¡­


    </blockquote>


    Senga gestured to me, then the door, at a loss for words. I tilted my head in confusion. She threw her hands up in the air.


    ¡°Everyone knows you don¡¯t like him and aren¡¯t afraid to show it. So, what the hell was that?¡±


    ¡°Ah, well¡­¡± Think, Joan, think¡­ ¡°It sure got rid of him quickly, didn¡¯t it?¡±This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    I grinned at her. She narrowed her eyes at me but evidently couldn¡¯t find fault in my statement, so she just sighed. Then her expression turned concerned.


    ¡°Hey, I heard that you¡¯ve been in the clinic for the past few days. What happened?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you know. Just a minor mishap with a spell. I¡¯m in perfect health now. Really,¡± I added at her doubtful look, ¡°Just ask the apothecary if you¡¯re that worried.¡±


    ¡°Hm¡­¡±


    ¡°Okay, okay, that¡¯s enough worrying about me,¡± I said, eager for a subject change. ¡°Just let me do my job and bring that up to the counter.¡±


    Senga looking searchingly at me for a moment longer. Then she sighed.


    ¡°Alright then. By the way, have you got any¡­¡±


    <hr>


    Over the next few weeks, I got to slowly reknow everyone I had before. Aunt Detion, Toen, the butcher¡¯s family¡­ I had everyone fooled. Actually, I think Aunt Detion harboured suspicions, but she had yet to call me out so everything was fine. If she ever did confront me, I¡¯d just bullshit for all I was worth. And failing that, run away.


    A perfect plan, if I did say so myself.


    Kuro was the only one I ever told, through whispers late at night when I knew for sure everyone else was asleep. It was also the only one I managed to remember. I didn¡¯t know if that was because it wasn¡¯t a sapient or if it was because of the symbiotic relationship I had with it. I¡¯d never know for sure; I didn¡¯t even know why exactly I had such a specific form of amnesia.


    In this way, time slowly passed and the weather turned cooler. We were reaching the end of my third month here when a big change came.


    <hr>


    The bell rung and a new customer entered the shop. I looked up briefly from my 7th origami rose of the day to greet them.


    ¡°Welcome to Cleimeph.¡±


    ¡°Who are you?¡±


    I looked up again, startled by the almost hostile tone in the man¡¯s voice.


    ¡°I¡¯m Joan¡­?¡± I said, not entirely sure what he was asking. ¡°I work here.¡±


    The man narrowed his eyes at me but seemed to accept that answer.


    ¡°Where¡¯s Arsral?¡±


    ¡°In the ba- wait, no, he¡¯s out. You can wait here until he comes back if you¡¯d like¡­? He left a while ago, so it shouldn¡¯t be too long.¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡±


    He leant against the wall by the side of the doorway, just out of way of any other customers and didn¡¯t speak again. I snuck glances at him under the pretence of reading my book.


    The man had familiar green eyes and a nose I was sure I¡¯d seen on someone else. He had a strong jawline covered in stubble and was handsome in a rugged way. Personally, I preferred Arsral¡¯s pretty boy looks but I could definitely see the appeal of a man like this one.


    Despite looking like he ate bears for breakfast, he was obviously still pretty young. He couldn¡¯t have been more than twenty.


    He definitely noticed me staring but ignored it. He didn¡¯t seem inclined to answer any questions I might have had for him either, so I gave into the temptation to peek at his status.


    <blockquote>


    Name: Sir Arslop of the Amber Knights


    Level: 79


    Age: 20


    Race: Human [Details]


    Afflictions: None [Details]


    Occupation: Royal Knight; Captain of the 4th Squadron of the Amber Knights


    HP: 1308/1308


    MP: 602/602


    [Attributes & Titles]


    [Background]


    [Skills]


    </blockquote>


    Oooh. So that¡¯s why he looks so familiar.


    ¡°Yo, are you by any chance Arslop, elder brother of Arsral and Arswen?¡±


    He squinted suspiciously at me. ¡°What¡¯s it to you?¡±


    I raised my hands appeasingly.


    ¡°Nothing, nothing! I can just see the resemblance. Your brothers look a lot like you!¡±


    Arslop¡¯s face softened a little at my comment. I counted that as a win. But before I could further the conversation, the worst person possible burst noisily into the shop.


    Heouie. After relearning of my relationship with him, I had been subjected to his silly challenges again and again. Running, more poker, sparring, wooing women¡­ you name it, I beat him at it. Not without a lot of cheating with both Kuro and my own skills of course; who do you think I am? Someone honourable?


    ¡°Joan, two weeks have passed since my last challenge! I have come to-¡±


    I pegged a conjured block of wood at his head. It missed spectacularly, but it didn¡¯t need to hit. Once Hewey saw Arslop he blanched, and when I looked at Arslop I realised I had never truly seen someone look ¡®murderous¡¯ until now.


    ¡°A-hem, I see you have a guest. I¡¯ll be taking my leave now, goodbye!¡±


    He ran away as quickly as his legs would carry him. I whistled. If he had run that fast during our race he surely would have won.


    Then Arslop¡¯s murderous expression turned on me.


    Oh shit.


    ¡°Are you friends with him?¡±


    ¡°No, no, not at all!¡± I waved my hands frantically as if to physically rid him of the notion. Please have mercy on this poor soul. ¡°In fact, I really need to thank you for chasing him away! He¡¯s very annoying!¡±


    He didn¡¯t move his eyes from me. I broke out into a cold sweat.


    Did I not make my disdain for him clear enough? What more do you want from me? Please, stop glaring!

 17) Even in Australia the legal drinking age is 18

    Arswen was ecstatic to see his older brother was back. Arsral was more reserved but his joy was no less genuine. That night, Aunt Detion came over for dinner as well.


    Arslop revealed himself to be a straight-laced and formal guy, who succumbed all too easily to Aunt Detion¡¯s teasing. By the end of the dinner, his red face seemed like it would never go back to normal. I could almost feel his relief when the door banged open to let some young men in.


    ¡°Arslop, my good man!¡± they¡¯d yelled. I recognised them as occasional customers of the shop. I checked their statuses. Richas and Kiam, the blacksmith¡¯s apprentices.


    They were old friends of Arslop apparently, and dragged him out for a round or two of drinks at the tavern. Arslop was unwilling but caved in after an ¡®ohoho, young men should go out and have fun¡¯ from Aunt Detion.


    The equivalent of winter solstice was approaching, the sun setting far earlier than it had any right to. And drunks do not good navigators make, especially not in the dark.


    And that¡¯s how, just before midnight, I was sent to bring Arslop¡¯s presumably drunk ass home.


    ¡°Are you sure he¡¯s too drunk to get home by himself? He doesn¡¯t seem the type to enjoy getting piss-drunk.¡±


    Of course, Arswen was sent with me.


    ¡°Lop doesn¡¯t, but his friends sure do. And he gets a little¡­ competitive after he¡¯s had a bit.¡±


    ¡°Competitive?¡±


    ¡°Drinking contests.¡±


    ¡°Ah.¡±


    We arrived at the Dancing Lizapier. Most of the patrons were beginning to make their way out. Arslop was not one of them.


    A group of men in their 20s were gathered around a table in the back, chanting ¡®Drink! Drink! Drink!¡¯. I wrinkled my nose at the smell of cheap beer and vomit permeating the tavern.


    ¡°Smells nasty. Do we really gotta go in there? Maybe he¡¯s gone home already and we just missed him. Why don¡¯t we just go home? Doesn¡¯t that sound like a far better idea?¡±


    In response, Arswen grabbed my arm and tugged me inside. He, unfortunately, headed straight for the table in the back.


    Uuugghh. It stiiiiinks.


    ¡°Lop! Hey, Lop!¡±


    Arswen pushed between two men, dragging me with him.


    ¡°Don¡¯t mind us, just coming through to pick up a guy,¡± I told them.


    Unfortunately, Arslop was one of the two seated at the table drinking. And judging from the empty mugs around him, he¡¯d been there for a long time. Just as he lifted the mug to shake the last droplets into his mouth, his opponent¡¯s head slammed into the table, out cold. The spectators roared. One of them grabbed his arm and lifted it into the air.


    ¡°The reigning champion, Arslop!¡±


    The cheers of the dozen or so men around the table drowned out Arswen telling Arslop to ¡®stop drinking already and come home¡¯. He pouted and jabbed me in the side.


    ¡°Ow.¡±


    ¡°Do something!¡±


    ¡°Do we have any other challengers?¡±


    And that was my cue. Before the clamour could start again, I spoke up.


    ¡°Alright, good drink, good contest, competition, whatever,¡± I said. ¡°But it¡¯s getting really late, and his brothers want him home now.¡±


    I took advantage of my height to push everyone out the way, Arswen following behind me. I took Arslop from the announcer and draped his arm over my shoulder. He was even heavier than I thought he¡¯d be.


    The crowd grumbled but let us go easily enough. Arslop mumbled dazedly. Just when I thought we weren¡¯t going to have any problems, Arslop¡¯s previously unfocused eyes focused on me.


    ¡°Hey, I n¡¯you,¡± he slurred. Then, in a clearer voice, ¡°I know you!¡±


    ¡°I would hope so. I introduced myself just today.¡±


    ¡°Yer, yer whose friend!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ a lot of people¡¯s friend?¡±


    ¡°Whose friend!¡±


    It took me a moment to realise he wasn¡¯t saying ¡®whose friend¡¯, but ¡®Heouie¡¯s friend¡¯. Goddamn drunk inarticulation.


    ¡°What, no! I told you already, I¡¯m not!¡±


    ¡°Yer Heouie¡¯s friend!¡±


    I gave up and just let his drunk ass keep repeating that. It wasn¡¯t really causing any problems for me anyway. And just as I thought that, it caused a problem.


    ¡°Heouie¡¯s friend, I challenge you to a drinking contest!¡±


    Biiiiiiiiiiiitch!If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    ¡°I¡¯m 16.¡±


    ¡°Joan, here, you can drink as soon as you¡¯re 15,¡± Arswen whispered.


    Fuck! In Australia it¡¯s 18, and some people already consider that early!


    I was going to ignore him and lug him out of the tavern anyway, but even a shitfaced Arslop was stronger than me. He pulled me back and forced me to sit in the seat. The previously dispersing spectators came back, already making bets.


    The announcer called over another round of the drink from the tavern mistress who was shaking her head but brought them over anyway.


    ¡°On one side we have the undefeated champion, Arslop!¡±


    The spectators cheered.


    ¡°On the other we have a newcomer picked out by the champion himself! It¡¯s going to be a close competition, boys. Arslop¡¯s drunk a lot already, but this newbie looks like just a sip would knock him out!¡±


    ¡°Yes, and that¡¯s exactly why there will be no-¡±


    My attempt to stop this was interrupted by Arslop slamming a full mug down in front of me. A bit of liquid sloshed out of the cup and onto my shirt, but I paid no attention to it. Arslop had somehow regained lucidity and was now giving me the scariest glare I¡¯d ever been subjected to.


    ¡°Drink.¡±


    Scary! Super scary! The fuck!


    I quietly took hold of the mug.


    ¡°And¡­ start!¡±


    I took a sip. It tasted just as bad as it smelled. I tried to drink it as slowly as possible, but it just wasn¡¯t possible under Arslop¡¯s unbroken glower. Even as he drunk, he still somehow found the energy to glare at me. As the silent pressure bore down on me, I sweated nervously and drunk faster.


    The first mug left me feeling a lightheaded. The second mug had me nauseous and sweating from the building heat. I tugged my collar away from my neck as the next mug was set in front of me.


    I did not want to get blackout drunk.


    Ah, shit. Is there any way to like, speed up my metabolism?


    Figuring there was no harm in trying, I visualised Demon Flames in my stomach, then spreading out and circulating through my body to end up at my liver. That was where the alcohol was processed, right? I wish I¡¯d paid more attention in PDHPE. I made sure to wrap my liver up in flames and tried to will the drunkenness away.


    Miraculously, it worked. It probably shouldn¡¯t have, but ~magic~.


    <blockquote>


    Skill proficiency reached. [Iron Liver] has reached Level 1.


    </blockquote>


    Sweet.


    I drank my third mug and continued channelling Demon Flames throughout my body. Another mug was pushed at me.


    As I continued drinking, [Iron Liver] levelled up. Arslop seemed angry that I hadn¡¯t passed out yet, which, too bad for him. The spectators were astonished. Bets were changed, support evened out.


    By the sixth mug, Arslop could barely lift his head. I still felt fine, though I did feel the need to pee.


    Halfway through the seventh mug, Arslop collapsed.


    Finally!


    ¡°And the winner is, uh...¡±


    ¡°Joan,¡± I supplied.


    ¡°Joan! Our dark horse, Joan! There you have it boys, Joan is our winner! Now, if our next challenger will-"


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    I pushed a hand into the announcer¡¯s face.


    ¡°We''re going home now, bye, see you never.¡±


    I hauled the unconscious Arslop up and made my long delayed exit. Arswen, after making sure his brother hadn''t left anything behind, followed.


    The walk back was significantly harder than the walk to due to the deadweight of Arslop. I cursed him out in my mind.


    You''re so lucky I got [Iron Liver], or else neither of us would be sober enough to get back home and then where would we be? Bitch.


    Arsral was not at all pleased with his older brother''s state of drunkenness. Arslop woke up briefly just to be scolded.


    Then the problem of accommodation came up. Arsral wanted to just leave Arslop on the sofa, but I felt that was a little harsh. I was the one who''d displaced Arslop anyway. In the end, it was decided that just for tonight, I would share the room with Arslop and we could work something out tomorrow.


    Besides, someone had to make sure he didn''t die by suffocating on his vomit or something.


    Getting the oldest brother up the stairs was a chore and a half but I persevered. Arswen was kind enough to have opened the door for me, and with one last effort, I managed heave most of Arslop onto the bed.


    I rested my hands on my hips and cracked my back.


    ¡°Are all adult men this goddamn heavy?¡± I muttered, rolling my shoulders. Arslop let out a loud snore.


    Great. So much for sleeping.


    With a grunt, I tugged his shoes off. I took ahold of his legs and dragged them onto the bed.


    Uh... what position are you supposed to put a drunk person in again? Really should have paid more attention to that one incursion.


    It was probably the recovery position. I did my best to put him in it, then conjured a plastic bucket to put by the bedside.


    That''s right, [Conjure] had levelled up enough that I could make plastic now.


    ¡°Urggh...¡±


    Just in time. Any later and Arslop would have seen.


    ¡°Welcome back to the land of the living,¡± I told him. ¡°You still drunk?¡±


    In response, he vomited. On me.


    ¡°Dude!¡±


    Bitch! I screeched internally. Disgusting!


    I stripped and frantically cast [Clean] over and over until all the vomit was gone. It was low level, so one casting would only clean up so much. Not for the first time, I was grateful for the Demon Flames.


    Arslop, that fucker, had fallen back asleep. I was tempted to leave him uncleaned, but the smell would affect me as well.


    My shirt was now clean. There was nothing stopping me from putting on. Nothing physical, at least.


    Psychologically, it was a different matter. Despite knowing that it was clean, my brain refused to acknowledge it as wearable until it had been properly washed.


    I glared at Arslop and flicked him on the forehead.


    ¡°[Clean]¡±


    I probably shouldn¡¯t have flicked him on the head, because it woke him up again.


    ¡°Mm¡­¡±


    I drew back quickly and watched him warily.


    ¡°If you puke on me again, I¡¯m kicking you off the bed,¡± I warned him. He just looked at me blearily before a hint of recognition entered his eyes.


    ¡°¡­Heouie¡¯s friend¡­¡±


    For fuck¡¯s sake!


    I threw my hands up in the air before deciding it was no use arguing with a drunkard. I rolled my eyes.


    ¡°Fine, yes. I¡¯m Heouie¡¯s friend. Now are you going to vomit or not? Because I¡¯d like to make sure it¡¯s not all over me this time.¡±


    ¡°Urgghh, gotta ----¡­"


    The last part was too quiet for me to hear, so I leaned in closer, ignoring his stinky breath.


    ¡°Say that again?¡±


    ¡°Gotta, arrest you¡­¡±


    Wait, what?


    I was fast in drawing back, but Arslop was faster. He grabbed my neck and pulled me into a headlock. I fell on top of him and scrabbled at his restraining arm.


    ¡°I give, I give!¡± I wheezed. ¡°Have mercy!¡±


    His arm loosened and I gasped for breath.


    ¡°Okay, that was uncalled for. Now let me go.¡±


    No answer. I pushed at his arm but it wouldn¡¯t budge. Looking up, I realised with dismay that he¡¯d fallen back asleep.


    ¡°You¡¯ve gotta be kidding me,¡± I groaned. I checked his status. His <Strength> was 248. Mine was only 60.


    I tried everything I could to escape anyway. [Gut Punch], [Low Blow], pure stubbornness. Without Kuro¡¯s [Amplify], nothing worked. His <Endurance> was just too high for my wimpy Level 8 ass.


    I stared up at the ceiling. Should I call for Kuro? I thought about it, then decided¡ªno. This was fine.


    Part of it was because I didn¡¯t want to wake the others up. A larger part of it was because realising that he¡¯d been sleeping in the same bed as a shirtless girl while holding her close would definitely send Arslop into a fluster, and I wanted revenge.


    Also, I hadn¡¯t had the chance to activate the heating stone and Arslop was warm. But mostly because of revenge.


    I pulled the blanket over us as best I could and got comfortable. In the middle of devising lines for tomorrow¡¯s little show, I drifted off.

 18) Internet, how do I stop an accidental marriage? Pls send help

    It was a decidedly unmanly shriek that woke me up. I flailed and the next thing I knew, I had struck the cold wooden floor.


    ¡°Ow.¡±


    A bit dazed from my head hitting the floor, I shook it a little before sitting up. Arslop had backed up against the headboard as much as he could and was staring at me, mortified.


    ¡°Joan, you¡¯re a woman?! Wait, that¡¯s not important. Why am I in bed with you? Why are you in bed with me? Why are you shirtless? What happened last night? Oh Divine, don¡¯t tell me we did¡ªthat?¡±


    ¡°What, chill, of course we-¡± then I remembered what happened last night and changed my tune. I sat up and covered my face, pretending to sob.


    ¡°Arslop, you¡¯ve forgotten what we shared last night? How could you! You held me tightly all night long and now you¡¯re telling me you¡¯ve forgotten it all? You heartless monster!¡±


    None of what I said was a lie. We shared drinks last night, technically, and he did hold me the entire night, albeit in a loose stranglehold. And I had earned the right to call him a heartless monster because he vomited all over me and tried to arrest me even after I¡¯d lugged his ungrateful ass home. It wasn¡¯t my fault if he took things the wrong way. (It totally was.)


    My body shook with pre-emptive laughter, imaging all the panic and flailing that would definitely come. From an outside perspective, it would look as if I were crying my heart out. How to fake cry ¨C Method 1: cover your face and laugh.


    But further panic and flailing never came. I peeked out between my fingers. Arslop was now sitting upright and straight-backed, as cool and composed as the first time I saw him.


    Damn, did he see through me already?


    He got out of the bed and knelt in front of me, expression stern and reminding me why I¡¯d thought he was scary when I first met him. I couldn¡¯t help but lean back a little when he reached out.


    Was he going to hit me? I maintained that after all the trouble I went to last night, a little revenge like this was justified, but if he didn¡¯t remember, it would just seem like a mean-spirited prank and hitting me was justified.


    Instead of doing that, he took my hands with a weird gentleness and held them in his, then gazed into my eyes with an even weirder earnestness.


    I stared back blankly.


    What the fuck is happening now?


    None of the scenarios I¡¯d run through last night had prepared me for this.


    ¡°Miss Joan,¡± he began, ¡°I know I have done you a great wrong, and I do not deserve you. But my honour as a knight, as a man, bids that I take responsibility for my actions.¡±This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    It was at this point that klaxons began blaring in my brain.


    ¡°I swear that as long as I live, you will know no hardship. You will be taken care of and provided for, and I will make you happy.¡±


    Abort mission! Abort mission! the alarms shrieked. Stop him right there! Shut him up and ¡®fess up right now!


    ¡°You, Joan, will have me, Arslop, as your devoted husband.¡±


    Too late.


    <hr>


    The door opened with a loud bang! and Arsral shot up in bed.


    ¡°What the hell are you being so noisy so early in the morning for?¡± he grumbled, rubbing his eyes.


    I grabbed his shoulders and shook him.


    ¡°Arsral, you have to help me! He¡¯s not listening! No matter what I say, he refuses to believe me!¡±


    Arsral, annoyed, grabbed my hands and took them off his shoulders.


    ¡°What are you talking about? Who¡¯s not listening to you?¡±


    ¡°Your brother!¡±


    <hr>


    ¡°Wait,¡± Arsral said, rubbing the bridge of his nose, ¡°so let me get this straight.¡±


    The three brothers plus me had congregated in the kitchen/dining/living room. Arsral looked exasperated, Arswen confused, and Arslop aloof.


    ¡°The facts are ¨C last night, Arslop got horrifically drunk.¡±


    Arslop at least at the decency to look ashamed at that fact.


    ¡°Joan brought you home. Due to there not being adequate beds or rooms, you and Joan ended up sleeping in the same room. This morning, you two woke up in the same bed. And that is where the information we know for sure ends.¡±


    He pointed at me.


    ¡°You claim that nothing happened between the two of you last night and you only insinuated that something did because you were mad at him.¡±


    I nodded. He pointed at Arslop.


    ¡°You don¡¯t remember last night and think that Joan¡¯s denying it because she doesn¡¯t want to inconvenience you or something.¡±


    He nodded. Arsral sighed.


    ¡°And then you decided to ¡®take responsibility¡¯ by marrying her.¡±


    ¡°And I said that¡¯s not necessary! Look,¡± I turned to Arslop, ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯re a great catch and all, with your looks and your job, but I swear to god nothing happened between us last night.¡±


    ¡°Joan,¡± Arslop said, laying a hand on my shoulder. I would think he was finally coming around, except this had happened a dozen times already, and every time, he would say, ¡°I swear on my honour as a knight that even once we are wed, I will not do anything to you against your wishes. So please, do not be afraid.¡±


    This time was no exception. I wanted to scream.


    I turned to Arsral. I could hear him muttering to himself, and the bits I caught¡­


    ¡°¡­but wait, if he has a wife, that means he¡¯ll come home more often. He won¡¯t listen to a brother, but if it¡¯s a wife¡­¡±


    ¡­did not sound good for me. So much for him.


    Arswen was my one and only remaining hope.


    ¡°¡­so Lop¡¯ll come home more often? We barely even see him anymore, I miss him¡­¡±


    Aaaaand there it goes. Poof. The light of hope has been snuffed out.


    ¡°Alright,¡± Arsral said. He sounded oddly cheerful. ¡°I see what¡¯s happened. Arslop, I believe you.¡±


    Goddamnit.


    I expected it, but it was still shocking.


    ¡°So you have to take responsibility,¡± he continued. ¡°In fact!¡±


    He wheeled out of the room.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go to the church right now and make it official!¡±


    Wait! Waitwaitwait! This is way too fast! I¡¯ve never even had a crush before and now you want me to jump straight to marriage?!


    But no one heard my protests and soon I was facing the end of my single life.


    As I stood at the altar facing Arslop, I finally gave up.


    Ah well. ¡®Wife¡¯ is just a title in this case anyway. I¡¯ll just think of this as upgrade from ¡®regular shop employee¡¯ and not think too much of it.


    Maybe I adapt to stupid situations too easily, but what can you do? I''m just the type of person to go with the flow.


    And if the ''flow'' in this case means getting married? Oh well.

 19) Theres nothing like a spouse to bring you home

    Instead of rings, most of this world¡¯s couples exchange necklaces. To be specific, it¡¯s the pendant that denotes your married status. You can wear it any way you like; on a bracelet, on a ferronni¨¨re, hell, even as an earring, but obviously people prefer to put it on a chain. I never did get a replacement for my broken earring, so I wore my pendant there.


    All marriage jewellery used one specific gem. The lifestone was an opaque off-white semi-precious gemstone. It had the unique property of being able to recognise the mana signature of someone. Once a sliver of mana was inserted, the gem would glow a bright and pure white. Once the owner of the signature died, the gem would become a murky black and never return to its original colour. This way, people always knew if their spouses were dead or just missing. I imagine it¡¯d also be good for knowing if soldiers were KIA or MIA.


    By the way, did you know I can¡¯t actually manipulate mana? I sure didn¡¯t. Magic stones took your mana automatically through prolonged skin contact, and all of my skills used Demon Flames instead of mana. Lifestones required you to actually put in the mana yourself. Failing that, a drop of blood would do.


    The priest pricked my finger and let it drip on the lifestone. The gem was about the size of my thumbnail. For some reason, Arslop opted to get his finger pricked as well. Was he trying for solidarity or something?


    After the short ceremony, we went to the jewelsmith¡¯s to get the jewellery forged. There was only one in Etir, and the jobs he usually got were related to adventurers wanting their equipment enchanted.


    He gaped at us when told what we wanted, and I knew that by noon the entire town would know of our marriage. Still weird to think about. 16 and married. Apparently legal here though.


    I was right, and the shop was fuller than usual. Senga barrelled through the door and shook my shoulders.


    ¡°You married Arslop? How?¡±


    ¡°Well, uh, you see¡­¡±


    I told her the truth. She stared at me for a bit.


    ¡°Alright, that¡¯s kind of funny. But also kind of dodgy. Are you okay?¡±


    I touched my new earring as I thought about it. The weight was slight but noticeable.


    Was I okay?


    ¡°Oddly enough, yes.¡±


    I honestly didn¡¯t actually mind our marriage all that much? For some reason, I wasn¡¯t all that upset. Marriage is an institution of the government and all that.


    And really, I was the one getting all the benefits here. I got to freeload off him for as long as I was in this world; and he got, what? Someone else he had to support? He¡¯d made a vow not to touch me after all, and apparently honour vows are a pretty big deal to knights. I¡¯d made it very clear that this was going to be a mariage blanc.


    Senga looked at me strangely after I explained this to her, minus the info about me being from another world of course. Oh shit, Arslop didn¡¯t know I was from another world. I¡¯d completely forgotten.


    ¡°Joan,¡± she said slowly, ¡°I hope you won¡¯t be offended if I tell you that you have strange values.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re not really that- alright, maybe they are,¡± I acknowledged. ¡°Well, I¡¯m married now, and it¡¯s really not so bad, so I might as well just go with the flow, right?¡±You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    She shook her head in exasperation.


    The rest of day was filled up with people asking the same question. Unfortunately, Senga was the only one who believed me when I told them the true events.


    After the fourth ¡®no, really, what happened?¡¯ I mentally threw my hands in the air and made something up. And they believed it.


    I amused myself by telling a progressively more ridiculous story each time someone asked.


    ¡®attacked by a monster, saved by Arslop, love at first sight¡¯


    ¡®kidnapped by ruffians, saved by Arslop who fought all 100 of them off, love at first sight¡¯


    ¡®secret affair, cursed and kidnapped by a jealous witch, Arslop went through 13 challenges and obstacles to get me back, killed the witch, broke the sleeping curse, then decided to make the relationship public¡¯


    The customers ate it up. This whole town was full of incorrigible gossips. Did they really have nothing better to do?


    A few hours later and versions of the story that were somehow more ridiculous than what I¡¯d made up had circled back to me. No matter how hilarious it was, I¡¯d keep a straight face and solemnly confirm each and every one.


    <hr>


    Aunt Detion had never had dinner with us two nights in a row before, but I guess the gossip was just too good for her to stay away.


    ¡°So I heard that¡­¡±


    She proceeded to tell us the most ridiculous and over-the-top story yet.


    It was only through sheer willpower that I didn¡¯t burst out into uproarious laughter right then and there. Arslop looked completely bewildered.


    ¡°Where in the world did they get that from?¡±


    I thought of the most serious things I could. World hunger. Poverty. Government corruption. Death.


    ¡°I have absolutely no idea,¡± I said. I was proud of myself for sounding completely natural. Aunt Detion gave me a knowing smile.


    <hr>


    Once Aunt Detion was gone, it was time to address the elephant in the room. I let Arsral break the news of my literal otherworldliness to Arslop, because everyone knows I tend to ramble when I¡¯m nervous.


    The tension in the room was high as they stared each other down.


    ¡°I have something to tell you-¡± they both started. ¡°No, you first- sorry- it¡¯s okay-¡±


    It was amazing how in sync they were.


    They stopped talking and stared at each other again. After a minute of communication solely through their eyes, they reached a decision and Arsral went first.


    ¡°Arslop,¡± he said, ¡°We need to tell you something. It¡¯s about Joan.¡±


    All throughout his retelling of the events that led me here, Arslop was stony-faced. When it came to what I could do, he glanced at me surprised.


    When Arsral finished, the room was silent. Arslop took a moment to process it all.


    ¡°Arswen¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes, Lop?¡± the kid squeaked.


    ¡°What have I told you about messing around with Father¡¯s journals?¡±


    ¡°To¡­ not.¡±


    ¡°And what did you do?¡±


    ¡°Messed around with them¡­¡±


    Arslop sighed deeply and Arswen flinched.


    ¡°Arswen, I am extremely disappointed in you, but I am not angry.¡±


    Oof, the old ¡®not mad, just disappointed¡¯ routine. The staple of good caretakers everywhere.


    He turned to me next.


    ¡°Joan, I am so sorry for what has happened to you.¡±


    ¡°Eh,¡± I shrugged, ¡°it hasn¡¯t been all that bad. In fact, I¡¯ve been enjoying my time here. Besides, no use getting upset over something that¡¯s already happened, y¡¯know?¡±


    ¡°You are¡­ too kind. I can¡¯t believe I ever thought you were a friend of Heouie¡¯s.¡±


    Ah yes. That. The thing which got me into this situation in the first place. But like I just said, no use getting upset over something that¡¯d already happened.


    ¡°Joan.¡±


    He took my hands, much like he had this morning. (Just this morning! Man, too much had happened today.) The fervour in his gaze was almost scorching.


    ¡°This I vow to you, as your husband and a knight. I will find a way to send you back to your own world if it is the last thing I do.¡±


    Too intense! Way too intense! Holy shit, this guy is intense!


    I was almost jealous. I¡¯d never felt as strongly about anything as this guy seemed to feel about his vows. I played with the thought of dedicating myself to something, then decided¡ªnah, too much work.


    ¡°Oh. Uh, thanks? But take it easy, I¡¯m really not too fussed about it.¡±


    ¡°There is no need to limit yourself for my sake,¡± he replied, hands tightening around mine. ¡°I have never broken a vow in my life, and I¡¯m not about to start now!¡±


    No, really mate, chill. Watch the hands, the hands!


    ¡°So,¡± Arswen said, perhaps sensing my awkwardness, ¡°What were you going to tell us?¡±


    Arslop finally let go of my hands. I discreetly shook them out under the table. Man, this guy¡¯s grip strength was good.


    He cleared his throat.


    ¡°Compared to that particular¡­ revelation about Joan¡¯s background, my news really isn¡¯t that thrilling. But, it will still affect all our lives in a significant way.¡±


    Arslop took a bracing breath before continuing.


    ¡°I¡¯m selling the shop and moving us to the capital.¡±

 (April Fools) A Vision of the Future

    It was here. The plot that had been kicked off by my not-so-accidental summoning to another world had finally reached its climax. The unintentional marriages, the selective amnesia, the seemingly unrelated conflicts I¡¯d witnessed throughout my journey; all of it led to this point in time.


    I stood at the head of a long table, all the comrades I¡¯d met during my time here seated around it. From the ones who¡¯d been there since the beginning, Arsral and Arswen, who was not such a little boy anymore, to the ones I¡¯d met just hours ago, everyone was gathered here to fight the threat to the worlds, both mine and theirs.


    And I would be leading them.


    There was a jug of water placed in front of me. I poured some water into a glass and gulped it down. The room was silent as I drank.


    I placed the empty glass on the table and cleared my throat.


    ¡°Thank you all for coming at such short notice,¡± I said. ¡°I know it couldn¡¯t have been easy, especially for you and your compatriots.¡±


    I nodded at the beastman located a few seats on my right. He¡¯d had to travel from the other side of the continent and I was amazed he¡¯d actually gotten here on time. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t have, considering he was the head of the Cheetah tribe, and stamina potions were now readily available to them thanks to my efforts.


    ¡°Think nothing of it,¡± he replied, tail waving behind him. ¡°It is a husband¡¯s duty to answer any calls for help from his wife.¡±


    ¡°Wait, you guys are married?¡± the winged man who I¡¯d met only hours ago blurted out in shock. ¡°I thought you were married to her!¡±


    ¡°I am,¡± the mermaid said, inspecting her scales. For this meeting, the dragonfolk sitting next to her had helpfully conjured a ball of water for her to reside in so she didn¡¯t dry out. ¡°Actually, I think most of us are married to her in one way or another.¡±


    ¡°Seriously?¡± the winged man said. ¡°There¡¯s no way. Raise your hand if you¡¯re married to Joan.¡±


    Almost everyone at the table raised their hand, some more enthusiastically than others.


    ¡°Holy crap, Joan. You got game. Can I get in on that?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve gotten off topic,¡± I announced, ignoring that last bit. ¡°We¡¯re here to discuss our plan of action, not my many spouses.¡±


    The mood in the room sobered.Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°With the help of many, I¡¯ve devised a plan that will allow me to get close to the threat and, hopefully, end its existence. Arswen, if you will.¡±


    Arswen, now almost as tall as me, pulled the curtain covering a part of the wall aside, revealing the detailed depiction of the plan. There was a moment of silence as everyone took it in.


    ¡°Now, I know it looks-¡±


    Everyone raised protests at almost the exact same time. Having expected this, I conjured a gavel and banged it against the table.


    ¡°Quiet! I¡¯m talking!¡±


    Even with my best glare, it still took a minute for everyone to settle down.


    ¡°Now, as I was saying, I¡¯m sure almost all of you are opposed to this plan. I know, it looks like it¡¯ll never work. But our best minds have been hard at work and what you see before you is the culmination of all that time and effort. Listen closely, because I¡¯m only going to explain this once¡­¡±


    When I¡¯d finished talking, everyone looked more of less convinced about the effectiveness of the plan. Of course, there were still sceptics.


    ¡°But Joan, the tools required to pull this off¡­¡±


    I smiled.


    ¡°Oh, don¡¯t you worry. I¡¯ve got everything we need right here. Bring it in!¡±


    The door opened and the object I¡¯d commissioned my dwarven wife and her family for was carried in. With a grand flourish, I opened the case.


    ¡°This is the crux of our plan!¡±


    I patted the matte black finish and grinned.


    This was going to be awesome.


    <hr>


    ¡°Squad 3, what¡¯s your status!¡± I yelled into the com-stone.


    Around me, screams of fear and rage sounded from the clash between my forces and the threat¡¯s mindless offshoots. On my right, an offshoot extended a shadowy tendril and stabbed clean through a nymph¡¯s heart; on my left, an elf nocked an arrow and shot that very same offshoot.


    ¡°Half of us are wiped out already,¡± the grim voice on the other end said. ¡°And Squad 2 is completely wiped out. Wings and flight spells still don¡¯t work. But we¡¯ve managed to eliminate the ones you told us to.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± I said. ¡°When this is all over, we¡¯ll erect a memorial for all those who¡¯ve perished.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, yeah. Now go and end this already!¡±


    I looked at those around me. For the first time, I allowed myself to acknowledge the apprehension flitting through my veins. Then I hoisted the thing this entire plan centred around onto my shoulder.


    The wind spirits had cast their blessing on me. I ran faster than I ever had before and hit no barriers. As reported, all the offshoots maintaining the protection skills had been killed.


    The moment came for me to jump. I gather all the strength in my legs, and leapt up. It wasn¡¯t enough. I was nowhere near close or high up enough to reach the threat. But I still grinned.


    At the very top of the arc, I aimed the weapon at the ground. I fired it. The ground beneath me exploded. The force propelled me up into the air.


    I flew. People below stopped fighting momentarily to gape.


    All too quickly, I was as high as I would go. I aimed the rocket launcher at the threat, and pulled the trigger. The missile impacted the threat with complete accuracy.


    The missile exploded.


    The threat was obliterated.


    It was the perfect execution of a rocket jump.


    When the threat finally went down, I screamed for the whole battlefield to hear:


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    ¡°APRIL FOOLS!¡±