《Dryad the Hero Hunter》 1. Cursing Trees is... In the beginning, there was only darkness- Like hell I''m starting from there. Let''s start from the little fucker. Japanese, NEET, addicted to anime, virgin, no friends, lives alone, watches porn all day? Yeah. That guy. The typical reincarnation MC. Anyways, one day he ran out of food, games, and new porn videos. On that day, for the first time of his life, he went outside. Never did it before, first time. I don''t have to repeat myself, do I? Kid somehow never experienced the sensation of sun on his skin. Anyways, while trying to cross the street while glittering like a vampire, he saw a kid. Probably reminded of his loli porn, he stared at her like a pedophile. Wait, he probably was one. Luckily no one seemed to see him staring at her, or the little girl. Anyways, a truck was casually driving by. Obeying the speed limits and everything, eyes on the road at all times, emergency break was ready. No one had hired him to hit anyone yet, so he was happily whistling. Poor guy. The girl crossed the street right before the light turned red, and the pedo dude walked straight to her, not noticing the truck. Luckily, the truck driver stopped in time! No one was hurt! But there had to be a girl, who saw the harem lead and immediately thought he was going to hit on her, despite simply crossing the street. So when the truck began to move again, a flying dead body was sent barreling into the side on the truck, tipping it over. Girl, did you really have to send that asshole to another world? A goddess took pity on him and took him to a white room to reincarnate him. Yeah... I''m not going to write what happens there. All you need to know is that I''m still confused on the policy about virgins, and whether what happens THERE was just a loophole. Anyways, he got a cheat. Infinity Mana, ultimate learning rate, mastery of sword art, talent in every single goddamn magic category, and the goddess even promised to meet him again when he comes of age. Man, the goddess must have really been lonely. Anyways, he was born safely to a low Marquis family. Hot dad, hot mom, hot maid. He really hit the jackpot. He should really thank the goddess for not having abortion. Anyways, at the age of one, he mastered the household''s secret sword techniques. Which he somehow mastered by seeing his dad swing his sword once. Anyways, after flawlessly demonstrating it to his parents, his mom and maid pressured his dad to go against the OP 1 year old baby. Dad tried to go easy, barely swung his sword. He basically strolled up to the reincarnated guy. Then the baby suddenly blasted him with fire. Dad somehow blocked the baby blasting fire at him, point blank. Mom and maid chastise him for going hard. Baby suddenly appears in front of dad and nearly runs him through with the sword. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. And that''s how OP MCs win against people who would typically love them like their own son. Poor guy didn''t even try to attack. I doubt he would ever look at his son the same way. Anyways, all you need to know is that he and his maid had a cup of hot coffee that night. I... I really don''t know how the hell that would work. I don''t think that the goddess was thinking with her head when she decided to make... It that big for his age Anyways, mastered all forms of magic, did his mom, he got a sister at age 3, did her too, childhood friend, did her, got sent to magic academy, fucked everything with a pulse while being hailed as a genius. When we finally get to the beginning of the story, he''s about 10, and has a harem of 20 people, ranging from spirit, princesses, childhood friends, low ranked nobles, personal knights, apprentices, "masters", cat girls, dog girls, elves, spider girls, goddesses, and a volcano. Oh, and a loli demon queen. Anyways, they were on a hill, and there''s a tree, and he pulled a Jesus and fig tree. Yes, he fucking cursed a tree for not bearing fruit. It was in the middle of winter too. To top it off, it was a holy tree, which didn''t ever bear fruit. You were just supposed to eat the mushrooms at the base. Even the harem members would have thought that was stupid, if they weren''t... Mindless... Slaves... ... Please let me kiss this dude- AUTOCORRECT WHY ARE YOU SO INTO THIS GUY. Is my phone a harem member too? Anyways, kill. So the holy tree was cursed to never bear fruit. That means that it could no longer pass down the job of preserving the world and stabilizing it, meaning that OP-kun destroyed the world. Congratulations, moron, you just invited the apocalypse, and screwed over the only people who could actually stop you! I mean, right now the goddess is your bitch and won''t ever go against you, and the other gods don''t want to see if you''re bisexual. Poor holy tree... It just wanted to save the world, but no, you just had to act like Jesus, didn''t you? Anyways, harem tribe walked away, harem chief leading the way. When the slave group and the owner finally left, the tree started to glow. No, not Morse Code. Our little OP dude only invented tanks, not anything that would actually be useful. The tree just started to shine. And then it collapsed. Not falling, simply collapsed on to itself, like a certain apple tree a certain someone summoned a goddamn black hole in just because the branches prevented him from seeing yet another girl''s bare ass. Where the holy tree used to stand, a skinny figure stood there. It was... A guy! Holy fuck it was a guy! Somehow the curse had a side effect, and turned the tree into a human male! I thought for sure that it would turn into a naked girl and beg for him to r move the curse, and basically turn herself into yet another slave for his sexual desire! No offense women, but this guy is a template MC. And it''s a rule that all characters which should be capable become slaves to him. Unless they''re a guy. Guys are apparently all assholes. Fucking Gary Stu''s. Anyways, it was a guy, and he had a leafy outfit. Not going to elaborate, he needs to- Oh god his face is turning blue. What the fuck did that shitty bastard do to him?! We see one possibly good character, and you try to kill him off? Shit, you need to get NTRed, fast. Tree guy''s face turned blue, and he collapsed. His body was twitching, but did not move, as if he was poisoned, or could not- Oh god he can''t breathe. God, he''s a tree. He never had limbs or lungs. A plant would never have the chance to learn anything like that. No no no no! OP guy, you just fast forwarded the apocalypse, and more importantly just killed an innocent tree! You should have been aborted, you son of a bitch. The ground began to tremble. Steam rose out of the earth, as if it was a volcano about to blow. The dryad began to convulse. Its body arched one last time, and then stopped completely. Just like that, everything stopped. I- I''m sorry... There is nothing I can do about that shitty bastar- The man lying on top of the hill suddenly inhaled and sat up, gasping for air. He was alive! That shitty bastard who scared the fuck out of me was alive! You piece of trash, I''m never going to forgive you for giving me a heart attack! I thought you were dead and everything! As his breathing began to calm down, he exhaled a little bit of smoke. It took form as a spirit... He''s been getting on with it too? Damn... No, wait. Ah, that makes sense. The reason he could suddenly breathe was because of the spirit helping him. Anyways, it flew off, giggling. The dryad bowed to show his gratitude, and turned around. He began to take off his shirt. I never knew trees were exhi- Again, oh. Smack dab in the middle of his chest, there was a massive scar, purple and letting off suspicious fumes. The dryad touched it and winced. Looked hella painful. Fucking Jesus imposter. He scraped a little off and held it to the light of the sun, his finder not sparkling like a vampire. He began to scowl even more. Understandable, since he met that son of a bitch. The bastard needs to die, and with no one to love him. The dryad shook his head sadly, and put.his right hand on his heart. He got on one knee, and looked straight at the sun, and said something that would nearly turn me bi. "I swear on the date of the world that I will undo this curse and stop this monstrosity. I swear on my life that I will put an end to that man, and protect the balance of the world." Basically, he''ll go blow the brains out of the shitty son of a bitch who goes around being a little fucker, all to protect the universe. FUCK YEAH! It''s show time. 2. Thats The Wrong Way... This fucker got lost in a wheatfield for 19 months. 19 whole months. I''m not sure you can understand the pain of seeing a dryad, a being that can talk to plants, wandering in circles in a wheatfield, trying to follow the sun since this dumbass thinks the sun is fixed in the sky, until you actually experience it. Even the goddamn grass was telling him that he was going the wrong way, but did he listen? Nah, he completely forgot that they were even saying something until today. I was a fool to believe that this fool could even try to beat the other shithead harem lead. Well, in the end, he finally got out of that accursed field. The dryad bowed to the grass, thanking it for helping him. The grass uttered some curses at him, calling him a dumbass for not paying attention, and then promptly ignored him, raising my opinion of it and forcing me to reconsider finding a way to break the fourth wall and burning the shitty field to the ground so I won''t ever have to see it again. If this dude ever finds a way back to the wheatfield, I''m going to smite him so hard. Finally out of that place, the dryad surveyed the place around him. There was a road straight ahead, a few trees far, far off in the distance to the left, and a plume of smoke to his right, about... 3 or 4 miles away. Shouldn''t take more than 3 hours to get there. Either the road or the smoke would be a good way to go, with the road leading to civilization, and fire usually means something, be it monsters or men. The dryad took a long look at the smoke. It was... strange. Familiar. And yet... repulsive. A whiff of smoke somehow traveled multiple miles without dissipating, and wafted up the dryad''s nose. Writing is fucking hard. That last part of the last sentence was definitely wrong some way or another, but I don''t care. Anyways, the dude recoiled at the smell. 100 years ago, before the goddess got seduced, lighting fell upon the sacred grove when the dumb bitch of a goddess through a hissy fit and wanted to piss off the gardening diety cause of some flowers or something. Jokes on here, there is no gardening diety. Maybe if she actually paid attention to her surrounding she would have realized, but whatever. The sacred tree, or the dryad dude, has no idea about this shit, just that lighting somehow struck the sacred grove and a fire started. Was he safe? Yeah, otherwise he would have been dead. Did it really kill any normal trees? No, even if it was a smite the sacred grove was still a sacred grove, and did sacred grove stuff. Did the trees, despite the minimal damage, still act like pussies and began moaning and screaming that the apocalypse was coming and that they were going to die due to a little fire? Yeah. The dryad was still smart enough back then to realize that no, the apocalypse was not coming, otherwise he''d be fighting some wimpy ass bastard imps, but the screams and moans of his pathetic brethren still were traumatizing, and the smell brought back the memories.If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. What did this mean? It meant that this pussy ran for the trees, as far away from the smoke as he could. Down the path? Nope, he didn''t trust the strange material that was used. It was likely asphalt. The dumbass protagonist brought back the weirdest things to start a business to bring in the money and the bitches. Should have brought back vaccines or something actually useful to overthrow the church or some shit. So the dryad, not knowing asphalt, again, ran for the trees and that is redundant. Whatever. The dryad ran and ran and ran, and kept on running towards the trees. It took quite a while. Not as long as in the wheatfield, but still took a while. Of course, him actually going in the right direction for once helped immensely. It took around 6 hours of nonstop running to reach the trees, long enough that the road and smoke were far out of sight. All that running, and for nothing at all. There were like 8 trees, sure, but nothing else. No humans, no elves, nothing sentient. There weren''t even any fucking animals. Hell, even the stereotypical birds chirping in the trees would suffice. The dryad seemed worried as he ran his hands down the trees. Didn''t seem like he was getting any responses. The trees were very much alive, at least physically. The leaves were a vibrant green, and the bark seemed to be healthy. The dryad stuck his finger in the soil and nodded approvingly. Looked like the soil gained his approval. So then what made it wrong? It would be neat if the apocalypse already wiped out all life forms due to the holy tree getting stuck in the wheatfield for a while. Then that dickhead would be dead, or more likely gone from this, traversing through the multiverse to fuck up some other world- Damnit, he''s still here, and getting his game on with the queens. Disappointing. The more likely answer is that the hero seduced some dryads in this particular group of trees and they all went and joined his harem as Harem Member #12094 or something. That would explain the trees going silent, and perhaps all the animals leaving too. The dryad stood up, contemplating something mysterious. I don''t trust him to be able to connect the dots on this issue, seeing as his previous performance was... lacking at best, and fucking shit at worst. "This must be... soul magic?!" See? He thinks it''s soul magic- wait, that bastard is onto something. Huh... the dryad changed from a tree to his current form, leaving no husk behind. If that''s the case, should there be no tree left if they were seduced? Damn that hero and his soul magic! I can''t even see any gain of him using soul magic on these shitty trees, unless he just extracted their souls and made, I dunno, ghost dryads. Is that even possible? Could be that those evil bitches in his harem killed them so there won''t be more members, although at this point it''d be but a drop in a vast and fucked up ocean, or for some experiment or something. Honestly, I can''t see there being anyone else who''d do such a thing. Are there even people trying to stop this son of a bitch at this point, other than this dumbass dryad? The dryad in question currently had his head buried in the dirt, having decided he wanted to do his best ostrich impression. Or something. I dunno, I don''t speak retard. He dramatically raised his head from the hole and shoveled in the dirt. He looked back at the wh- Oh no you don''t, you son of a bitch, you are not going back to that shitty wheatfield- "The path of death leads back to that source of the smoke." The dryad gritted his teeth and got back up. He began to pace back and forth, as if to cool his nerves. The sun slowly set until he finally stopped, and looked back at the sunset. "I suppose I must go to the fire to stop them." A steely look returned to his eyes. Fun. "So be it. To the fire I shall go." Great, finally this lazy bastard does some work. I just hope he actually does shit now... 3. Dryads With Axes Are... During the what, 46 hours? It has taken for this damn dryad to catch up with the fire, I have realized that 19 months is a long, long time. Long enough that there are a few discrepancies in my information. For example? Saying that he only invented tanks before the 19 months, and mentioning that he invented asphalt afterward. The answer to that? It''s been 19 fucking months, he''s had time to invented asphalt roads for his tanks. And the 20 harem members before vs the tens of thousands later? The answer to that is a shitty hierarchy system? If you''re a main female? Then you get specially fucked. If you''re a generic member? You don''t get a name and only get included during parties or some shit. It''s a shitty system. You know, shouldn''t the caste system be abolished rather than reinstated in the typical reincarnation stories? This dude''s fucked up. Whatever. So the dryad, initially spurred on by the burning desire to seek revenge against the whoever performed the soul magic, began to slow down when the sun finally set. It was night, so no sun, and thus no energy. And yet he walked, for... I guess to avenge his brethren? I dunno, I just want him to finally get there, to fuck some people up, to prove that he can take that bastard down and rip his guts out or something. It took another 12 hours for the sun to finally rise again. And thank god for that, since this man is fucking slow during the night. I nearly fell asleep, although it will never be as bad as the wheat field. But we''re finally out, and that man started to sprint. It took yet another 3 hours to finally reach the remains of the camp, at the original source of the smoke. It sucked. It sucked hard. No, I guess it functioned or something somehow while they were there. But... It was a shitty cover up. There were still tents there, all torn up and destroyed. The camp was still smoldering, a cooking pot was torn in half, and what''s this? The innards of some beast or human were strewn across the floor. Not to mention disgustingly gaudy skulls with like earthen spikes systematically embedded in them, forming some awful patterns on them. It was hideous. The whole camp was. Whoever decided this looked good should be executed in the messiest way possible. No, they probably were in order to get all the severed body parts for the camp. Necromancers should have proper aesthetics if they''re going to parade around the fact that they mess with dead bodies and souls for a living like fucking dumbasses. They couldn''t even clean up after themselves properly, judging by the mess and the set of bloodied footprints heading north. At this point, it''s likely that this was either a trap for dumbasses like this fucking dryad who just decided it was such a brilliant idea to start following the tracks without even scouring the camp for important stuff like that fucking book with a goddamn cover made of human flesh which may or may not have tons of spells and shit in it that would drastically improve his fucking repertoire of combat things, or that an animal mauled the necromancers and trashed the camp... Which I would find rather unlikely since they were necromancers, but since the final option is that they just ditched the camp in this sorry state and just ran without even hiding anything, I suppose they are fucking idiots who deserved to get mauled by an animal if that is the case. If they really are harem members, I''ve got to say them just ditching the camp like morons with shit for brains would be the likeliest bet Anyways, without considering any of the fucking options the dryad just followed the bloody footprints. There weren''t any bloodstains near the tracks, just the footprints, making it rather unlikely that the person running was actually injured rather than stepping into entrail and having blood on their shoes, but the look on that dumbass'' face made it certain that he thought someone was in danger. It took a while to reach there, but reach there he did. Where is there? I don''t fucking know, it was in a random no-name plain. Rather, dryad dude caught up with a pair of skeletons swaddled in dark robes in the middle of the say, carrying a... One of those royal carrying things. A litter? I don''t really know the names of it, so whatever. It had thin chains and talismans all over it as if it was held to seal something. To imprison whatever was inside. A feminine silhouette could be seen inside off said... litter, and was visibly struggling, giving the impression that someone was trapped in there and kidnapped. It almost seemed to be a trap, seeing as the chains were made of thin and shitty string disguised as chains and the talismans had absolute gibberish written on it. The skeletons didn''t seem to skeletony at first glance either, seeing as the robes covered their figures, making them seem like generic bad guys. That was most definitely a trap, and a shitty one at that. Only fucking dumbasses such as the dryad who was currently rushing towards the thing would fall for that, but alas the dryad was a dumbass. The feminine silhouette stopped struggling when she noticed the dryad charging at the first form and began to cry out for help. In response to that, the dumbass opened up the fight by performing a beautifully executed flying knee to the face on the front skeleton, causing it to drop the litter and falling on its back. Ignoring the fact that the dryad somehow knew how to do a flying knee strike, the fact that the skeleton would just get caught by surprise by that was pathetic, only enhancing the fact that it was a trap. The knee strike was likely ineffective, judging by the fact that the skeleton was only made of bones. Of course, the dryad hadn''t figured this out yet, and thus turned his back to it to fight the other skeleton soldier, thus catching him by surprise when the first skeleton nearly decapitated him with a cheap axe. Pathetic. The dryad backed off, leading to a situation where the dryad was separated from the litter containing the figure he probably wanted to rescue due to wanting to act like a hero for whatever reason, despite likely being the necromancer/soul mage by two axe-wielding figures who were most definitely skeletons. The best strategy would be to use holy plant magic to absolutely wreck the poorly equipped figures and hopefully include the litter in that damage, causing him to instantly win. He could probably do that despite his curse since he was a holy tree or what not. After all, how is he defeat the apocalypse or at least be able to preserve the world and shit? I don''t even know his powers at this point, but whatever. Instead of busting out whatever made him important, he rushed at the first figure yet again and performed yet another flying knee strike, and yet again the dude got sent flying. This was pathetic. Hadn''t he learned his lesson- Ah, the dryad picked up the axe. The dryad took a hard look at the axe, contemplating what to do with it. Fear and contempt flickered in his eyes- We aren''t doing that shit again. Long story short, after facing his fears he began to rain blows upon the skeleton dude using the axe, and missed way too much. See, he was unused to using the axe. So he missed and missed due to the unfamiliar weight, and even when he did hit the general figure, what else would happen except this dumbass missing the bones and letting the axe slip through the skeleton''s gaps? This, of course, confused the dryad''s pathetic little brain until he took to using his feet to stomp upon the skeleton. After a few satisfying crunches, the dryad finally smashed the skull of the skeleton, causing it to fall limp.This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Why? Who knows. The necromancer must have tried to make it authentic by cutting the connection with the skeleton when the head was crushed, making it seem like a human. This was a pointless move of course since even the dryad could tell something was wrong when he didn''t feel flesh. He rummaged through the clothes and managed to pull out a few pieces of bone shards out. His eyes widened. Had he been fighting against skeletons? Yes, yes he had. He nearly began to fucking ponder the meaning of this, but luckily he noticed the other skeleton at first still standing there, not moving a bit. When the dryad began to move towards it, perhaps to break its skull, the other skeleton took a shitty swing at the dryad and missed. Luckily, perhaps realizing the futility of his previous strategy, the dryad reached into the cloak while the figure was struggling to pull out the axe and pulled out the skull by grasping the eye sockets, and proceeded to crush it using his bare hands. Now that the dryad had finally finished mopping up the skeletons, he turned to the litter, axe in hand- Wait a second. He raised the axe high above his head, and the female silhouette retreated from the entrance. A single strike split it open, and the silhouette was revealed to be a female. Duh. It was your typical elvish girl, fair skinned, blue eyes, with your standard long a flowing blonde hair. It may be boring as fuck, but it wasn''t something that you''d see on a necromancer. "You didn''t have to chop it all up, you know..." She sounded rather disappointed by that. "But hey! I''ve got to thank..." She began some boring ass spiel about how she''s gotta thank him for saving him from the evil skeletons blah blah, super generic and boring and she needs to shut up and just backstab this fool already so he could finally shank her- The dryad took one look at her and swung again. "Begon you foul beast! You used your accursed soul magic to slaughter my brethren! I will stop you!" Sweet. "Wh- what are you doing! How do- I mean how dare you-" The elf seemed pretty shocked being revealed that she was a necromancer. Generic flustered accusations began to be emitted by her mouth. Couldn''t she have decided to just get with over it, admit it, and die already? "Your unholiness is palpable! As the guardian of this world, even in my weaker form. I can detect such monstrosities such as you! I will stop you!" Yet another swing of his axe was stopped by a weak-ass shield that the elf threw up that shattered upon the first hit. What? She was already sweating? Oh god, this bitch won''t be satisfying to chop up. Just finish it already. "Necromancy has been legal for a long time now! This is a hate crime based on my occupation, and this won''t be tolerated!" The dryad continued to chop, ignoring her futile struggles. I suppose laws don''t matter to him. It was a retarded law too, and probably one that was enstated so that the asshat could fuck necromancers without the law getting on him. Each shield was destroyed by a single shitty strike, and each got progressively dimmer. She was quickly running out of mana to use. Perhaps she sensed her imminent doom, but the elf decided to switch things up and blasted the dryad with a dose of necromancy magic or whatever. I suppose it''s death magic. It was a pile of dog shit. It didn''t even manage to scratch the dryad in his weakened state. The harem lead had cheats galor, and could even summon fucking meteor showers to obliterate fools, and although he only cast a curse, I''m pretty sure the dryad still shouldn''t be able to form a body if the curse was cast correctly. What was the curse even, honestly? I have no fucking clue. But anyways, that pathetic little eldritch blast of whatever did absolutely nothing to the dryad. It just disappointed. The dryad just tanked that shot like it was nothing, which I suppose it was. Yeah, she''s fucked. The elf paled at the sight. It was her strongest move! It was impossible that he just shrugged it off! That was likely what was going through her tiny little brain as she gaped at the barbarian dryad that was hell-bent on chopping her up. With little to no mana left, she had no options left to survive. So she ran up to him, shoved him, and sprinted as fast as she could away from him. And of course this fucking dumbass, due to him wielding a massive weapon he was unused to, fell down. He fucking fell down, stunned at what had happened. This is what happens when you use a shitty woodcutter''s axe instead of fucking magic when you''re a fucking magic tree you fucking fucker. Fuck. So she ran, he got up after what seemed to be a fucking eternity and began to chase her. The elf was running back to her ruined camp, and honestly was getting further and further away since this tree decided that lugging the axe was a brilliant idea. Spoiler alert, it wasn''t. After an hour or so of running the elf reached the camp, and began to rummage through the remains. Funny, if you had something back at camp, why would you leave it behind if it was a fucking mess and you were leaving it? That''s not a question, I the narrator will answer because this shitty elf shouldn''t matter in the long run. She shouldn''t even be alive I am so disappointed in this son of a bitch right now. Well, she found the flesh-bound book that the dryad didn''t find before and began to rummage through it. How much do you want to bet that it has a teleportation spell or something that doesn''t require mana? Or can be used to summon a demon or undead or shit? Because this day''s going like shit, so I''m not doubting something about an asspull is going to happen soon. "Master Yiesla, please have put something good in here!" The elf muttered out loud as she flipped through the book, fear in her eyes. SHe was flipping through it as fast as she could, looking for something good in it. Is that redundant? I don''t fucking care. Who is Yiesla, anyways? Is she an upper tier harem member or something? As she turned each page, the elf began to look more and more worried. Maybe all the spells were absolute shit or something or were too advanced. Heh, no asspulls today. Let''s see what''s in there... Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- "Put down that heretical book, you heathen!" The dryad tossed away the element of surprise when he ran back into the ruins, axe dragged behind him. The edge had dulled quite a bit, dumbass. Well, it''s not like that cookbook would have helped, anyways. Which sick bitch uses human flesh to bind a cookbook, anyways? Could be encoded or something, but at this point I doubt that the elf could decode it fast enough to use- Ah, she ran away again after knocking the dryad down again. Fucker still won''t let go of his axe, either. You know what? Fuck this shit. I''ll just be gone until he finally chops this bitch up, or at least busts out the magic roots or something, cause I have a terrible feeling that this pathetic chase will take way too long.