《DOWNGRADE》


 00 - Prologue

    So, dying.... did you know that when a person dies their brain actually doesn''t turn off the lights for a good while? Like minutes go by and you''re completley aware the entire time.


    Well I didn''t.


    Certainly not at first.


    However as time goes by you pick up all sorts of concepts. Like the fact that your mind replays your entire life before your eyes as you lay there breathing your last, well for some people, and that when dying and replaying your life it''ll continue up until the moment you die and than replay the replay of your entire life. This idea led some really intelligent people, I dont'' remember their names, to the idea that we''re all standing at the precipice between life and death and are merely replaying our entire lives over and over and over and over and over and over. I FUCKING HOPE NOT.


    If thats the case I wish the monkey in the projector room would stop on the 12th of June, 2019 than hit rewind. Why? Well because after that it all went to hell, in some people''s case (mine), quite literally (well maybe not hell but close enough). What happened I hear you ask in the back of the empty room?This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    The downgrade. DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!


    Ya know.


    That one time God decided to make himself felt to his wayward flock, like a FUCKING KIDNEY STONE.


    That one time where our GLORIOUS CREATOR decided to cast down his sons and daughters as they were unworthy of existing amongst his BEAUTIFULL garden.


    There was no warning, supposedly he sent them thousands of years ago.


    There was no second try, he already crucified his son for us said he.


    No-one was spared, the Rapture was a lie.


    And no shit there I was lounging in my lawn chair.


    THAN THE BLUE BOX CAME.


    AND NOTHING WAS THE SAME


    FOR ALL WERE TO BLAME


    THE KINGDOM UP IN FLAME


    THE PEOPLE THE SAME


    ALL THE ANGELS SANG


    aNDd SatAN DID RANGE


    !!whEn tHHEEE BLuuuuEe BOx CAMMMMmmMMMMMmmEeEe!!

 01 - The Downgrade

    It started, as all terrrible things do, on a Wednesday.


    *Beep...Beep...Beep....Beep...Beep


    "huhuhhhhuhmphhphmphhh"


    *Bee..


    I can say safely I am not a morning person, in fact I can say the same for my dog, my cat, and my 2 goldfish. However....it''s either wake up at 7 in the morning stumble downstairs and go for a light jog down the gravel road and back and hit the weights.....or sleep in till 9 like the fluffy mashmellow I am.


    Naturally my fluffnes takes a bit of motivation that''s where Sally comes in, at 3 years old the 20lb Beagle is already running around my feet and dashing towards the front door by the time I manage to rub the grit outta my eyes.


    "Damn dog, at least wait for me to get a quick drink sheesh."


    The jog takes 30 minutes and then going through the sets for today takes another 45 minutes. When it''s all said and done the clock reads 8:45 and I''m in the kitchen working the old gas-oven cooking up some eggs and bacon. It was right around the 6th bite or so when...


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    <td style="text-align: center">??HARK FOR I AM THE LORD GOD </td>


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    "ehhhhh?"


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    <td style="text-align: center">Humanity has not met expected standards for a higher-order species during the alotted time.</td>


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    "What? WHaT?WHAT?HOldon a minute but...what"


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    <td style="text-align: center">As such it has been decided Humanity will be redesignated as a lower-order species.</td>


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    *pinches self


    "OW, mother-of....."


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    To this end humanity will be reincarnated to a lower-order realm while the plant ''Earth'' is properly rededicated for its new host species. However I am not without mercy. So you shall be given a lottery as reparations for you loss both ''Wheel'' will grant something of benefit. However if the benefit is too great it shall also come with ''Woe'' a detrement to offset the good fortune a touch.


    "And do you personally Derrick Readings....I heard that."


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    So blue-boxes appeard out of nowhere and now they''re talking to meUnauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    "Absolutley fantastic."


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    There is one slight catch though....you all need to die....so..yea....Enjoy


    "TAKE IT AWAY LUCY"


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    I looked at Sally..she looked at me....I looked at the sky...it started laughing....I laughed...and than a scythe extended from Sally''s mouth.


    I want to say I fought back. I want to say that it was a contest of strength never to be repeated in the annals of men. I want to say I didn''t sqeak like mouse....a fluffy mouse....but I can''t say that because as soon as my 3 year old beagle unhinged her lower jaw enough for a magical farming implemment to pop through. I dropped off the chair meeped and ran like Forest Gump was my spirit animal.


    "Holy shit, holy shit HOLY SHIT hoooooollly shittt."


    *RAWWWRS


    *MEEEEEPP


    *Sqelch


    So what did we learn today class....that''s right running from a four-legged-animal weilding an edged weapon is ineffectual as it''ll just chase you down, cut your legs off, and you''ll die in a pool of gunk.


    So yea the first swing took out my legs. The second I tried to block with my arm, bad decision that, the third and fourth finished the job along with my right arm. The fifth went for my throat and ended up in my eye socket. The sixth is what did it....a nice lead up, solid hit, and good follow through made sure that the front 2/3 rds of my neck simply ceased to be.


    Oh you may be wondering about the sky. Well you see a gian scar ran through the middle of the sky and long tendrils were swooping down to drag off innocent people. People like me. So now that I''ve been incapacitated by my dog I was picked up, and dragged of into the sky whilst losing conscious. The last look I had of my world was my dog lifting one paw and saluting the sky while a giant scythe hung extended from here mouth.


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    <td style="text-align: center">Congratulations You Died</td>


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    "Oh joy"


    The instant my eyes closed, they opened, not to the hellish landscape of earth being devoured by a gaping mouth but to a room filled with annoyingly white tiles and an infinite expanse of white sky.


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    Would you like to spin the wheel of fate?


    >Yes


    >Yes but in purple


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    *Chuckles


    "Alright I''ll take yes but in purple for 2000 Alex."


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    <td style="text-align: center">Spinning...Spinning...</td>


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    <td style="text-align: center">Congratulations</td>


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    Wheel: [Change Blood of Human to Blood of The Emperion Phoenix] The Blood of the Emperor Phoenix is a rare substance that is used by mages to cook up the fabled elixr of immortality. Each day when you would die instead your body becomes ash and cinders drifing in the breeze to be taken back to your nest where at the zenith of day in the light of the sun you spring forth uninjured and at the prime of their youth.


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    <td>Woe: [Locked Starting World: Pyre] Your starting world is that of Pyre a tomb world where none but the dead roam, even the gods gave up on this world.</td>


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    "Welp I guess that''s that, the blood''s kinda neat. I guess this is goodbye then."


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    <td style="text-align: center">See ya later Alligator</td>


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    "In a while Crocodile."


    And the world went black.