《Memberless》


 Memberless

    I awoke, I was the demon Melzelbell no longer. I looked down my pants, there was nothing there. I raged into the night. It was gone, my penis, my powers, I was now a eunuch. Tears streamed down my face. I was now a penisless incubus. No more seduction. My life was over, gone, done, kaput. I might as well take a bath in holy water, and cease to exist. But there was the question of all of the debt I''d racked up in purgatory, not the plane of existence, but the casino. I''d always been able to charm some pretty girl into gambling away her soul to stave off this debt, and keep my ridiculous lifestyle. But now, was I even technically still a man, a demon, or anything.


    Three weeks earlier. I''d charmed some hot young thing into hell. She failed to read the fine print on her cell phone contract, which enabled me to legally track her social media and con her into a complementary 3 day 2 night stay in Vegas plus tickets to Beyonce with her boyfriend. After successfully selling them a timeshare through hypnosis, I gave them complementary cocktails which quickly turned into being married by Elvis, which turned into me having sex with her while her new husband was passed out in the next room. After sobering up a bit, I did my usual thing, threatened to blackmail her with the sextape, unless she promised me her immortal soul. Not believing she had a soul, she immediately signed the napkin I wrote the contract on in exchange for me just "getting the hell out of their room," before her new hubby woke up. Which I did, completing the contract and staving off the loan sharks from Purgatory Hotel and Casino for a measly 2 more weeks. Then I''d have to do it all over again because the pay was atrocious. You''d think a devil would get his due, but no, souls had been devalued as a currency in recent years. Ever since the internet, there''d been an abundance of souls flooding the market. African scammers had set up so many successful scams that the greed demons subcontracted them to soul gathering flooding the market and devaluing souls, but making them hella rich in the process. Which left me with 2 measly weeks before I had to seduce a new mark. Maybe I should just get a job in the human world. But then I wouldn''t be an incubus anymore, my nature was seduction, I wouldn''t be myself otherwise. Little did I know what would happen later that week.


    Thursday, I woke up to the sound of glass breaking and the screeching of nails on a chalkboard. Sableye stepping through a portal into my trashed penthouse suite. She was a succubus with all that that entailed, skintight dominatrix outfit included.


    "Was there an issue with my paycheck again," I asked. Everything was usually done through PaySmell or Venmax and anonymously routed through Hell so regular folks couldn''t trace the signal.


    "You''ve got a job offer from someone high up," she said in a silky voice.


    "A what now," I raised my eyebrows. I was a pile a cow dung, as far as greater demons were concerned. "Did they ask for me specifically," I said grinning.


    She laughed, "sure, sure," she said with such sarcasm that I saw miasma inundate the room. Choking on her laughter with schadenfreude.


    "Wow thank you for the opportunity," I said standing up to leave. I wasn''t gonna take this, I was a proud demon of hell.


    "Wait, wait," she said smoothly. "Three million souls," she said.


    I spun around "Yes mam, at your service, what do you need from me," I said giving her my best confident grin." Looking back, that was my first mistake.


    It was that Thursday afternoon that I was hustled into an empty warehouse, where I could see people who looked like the kkk except in all black instead of white. They were tying down naked men and women, who were struggling for their lives, to stakes strategically driven into the floor at various points of a giant pentagram drawn in chalk. My first thought was fuuuuuuuck this is some messed up bull shit. I actually said this out loud, not on purpose, and Sableye looked at me critically "don''t you con women into selling their immortal souls," she said.


    "Well yeah," I retorted, "but I''m a gentleman about it," I said. Looking at a guy who was clubbing a girl into unconsciousness. He grinned evilly reaching down into her crotch, that''s when Sableye moved, and his head exploded. I froze, what the fuck, I thought, and accidentally said out loud


    "This is why you''re so poor," said Sableye snickering, "you just don''t have what it takes to be a real demon," she grinned licking the blood off the fist she''d used to decimate the guys head. I decided I hated her and wanted her to die a slow death in fires of hell, but she had a lot of demon energy. It would probably feel like tickling to her. "Still these low level demonic souls are trash, they haven''t been refined enough to truly have enough reason and restraint," she told me as an angry spirit rose from the headless corpse wailing as it faded back into whatever hell it was summoned from. An icy looking man quickly walked over to me in a crisp black tailored suit with slicked back hair a red slitted pupils. Greed demon looked like.


    "What can I do for you sir," I said trying to ingratiate myself.


    "Is this him," he asked Sableye in a gravelly voice. "Yes," she said, look down her nose at me, "he usually gets 2 souls a month."


    "Two a month," the man said and frowned, looking down on me like the trash in the sewer. I smiled at him, greed warring with pride, greed won of course. Three million souls was a lot of money. "He''ll do," he said walking away. Sableye grinned at me. Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    "What do I have to do exactly," I finally asked. I didn''t want to scare away the money before, so I didn''t push it.


    "You just have contribute your mojo in the ritual," she said coldly. She went over to a desk and brought out a contract. It was only one page, and it mostly said I agreed to wholehearted, willingly, with sound mind, to release my mojo in the ritualis commutationem, I don''t speak latin, for 3 million souls. I signed immediately, imagining what I could do with all that money, this was my second mistake.


    "Why am I getting paid so much to just use my powers a little bit," I said. Sableye turned to me showing a picture on her phone of a nerdy looking teenager with zits.


    "This kid is rich," she said snatching up the contract, "his dad''s a famous warlock and he wants to get his freak on, so we''re gonna juice him up a little bit she said." Warning lights were starting to go off in my head.


    "But, I heard it''s hard to transfer demon powers to anybody, won''t this have a negative effect on me," I said.


    "Don''t worry it''s completely safe," she said walking over to a giant guard demon who looked like a wrestler. "Gorch could you take care of Mel here," she asked.


    "Sure boss," he rumbled like a tractor, or some kind of heavy equipment. The last thing I saw was a giant fist approaching.


    I awoke feeling weak. I felt a barrier around me. A barrier oh shit I thought, and apparently said out loud. "What''s going to happen to me," I said.


    "Nothing nothing," said the slick man, "you''ll get your money," he laughed in a sick cough like he was a smoker. "We''re taking your powers in exchange for the 3 million," he explained.


    "What," I shrieked, "no no no No NO!" I yelled, "you can''t do this, nowhere in that contract does it say you can do this."


    "Ritualis Commutationem," he said. "Its literally ritual exchange, I didn''t think there was a demon alive who was this dense," he said cracking up, until he was wheezing and had to sit down.


    "Demons ARE their powers," I yelled, "without them I''ll die."


    "True," he said, "I wonder ifyou''ll last long enough to spend some of that money," he laughed, "haha haha haha haha hahaha," he wheezed back into his chair. That''s when Sableye came in with a pimply teenager.


    "Is this the mark," asked pimple face.


    "Yeah," Sableye answered silkily.


    I pounded on the barrier, but this was high quality work, triple layered, enforced, I wasn''t getting through this thing. I screamed at them, as Sableye pushed pimple face into an adjacent circle across the pentagram from me. Slick started chanting, reading from some kind of grimoire and the black robed acolytes cut the throats of the people staked to the ground. The blood flowed along the pentagram and slick rose to a crescendo. I cried crouching down waiting for it to end when something plopped to the floor below me. It was my penis. I lunged forward to grab it, but too late, I crashed into the barrier. My penis wormed its way toward pimple face who took off his pants. It wormed up his leg and folded around his current member enlarging both balls and shaft by a big margin.


    "Thanks bro," he said as he pulled up his pants smirking at me.


    "You wanna do a test run," said Sableye lustfully.


    I whited out.


    I woke up on the floor. I looked down my pants. Nothing. "God damn you," I screamed to the heavens.


    "Hey that''s not nice," said an angel floating up above. "God didn''t do anything to you, it was those demons, and you fell for it. It''s your own fault," he moaned, this was the gayest angel I''d ever seen in my life. "But don''t worry I''ve come to help you," he said.


    "You have," I said.


    "Yes, I was sent by the almighty to take back the 3 million souls you are now in possession of."


    "You were sent by god himself?" I said.


    "The almighty, well no, nobody sees him, I just got a memo," he said. "It gives you special dispensation, for the 3 million souls."


    I was desperate at this point, I didn''t want to just fade away, as I would, without my demon powers. "Here," I said, handing the angel a red demon crystal pulsing with power that was lying on the floor in front of me.


    "Ouch," he yelped, getting zapped by it a bit. He levitated it above his palm with a sigh. Lazily waving the other palm at me he said " you have received special dispensation, and may ascend to heaven if you wish, all your sins are forgiven."


    "Does this mean I''m not going to fade away," I said, tears running down my face.


    "No we can''t help you with that," he said. "Something about obeying the other gods, anyways here''s my card he byeee," he finished.


    "WHAT?" I gasped as he vanished in a flash of light, card twirling to the floor. The card read as follows: Jasper Jasperson the 14th, assistant to the assistant to the assistant to the assistant to the assistant to the assistant to the assistant of saint Jasper, head clerk of the 13th area of the 7th heaven ; All complaints to be sent through the usual channels.


    I collapsed on the floor crying, "I don''t want to die, I don''t want to die, I don''t want to die," I muttered over and over again. And I curled up muttering to myself in my depression and fell alseep right there on the ground.


    I woke up to something wet dripping down my face. I looked up, saw a penis peeing down in my nose and face, I coughed turned and threw up. I was so angry, I hooked to guys leg, he lost his balance and fell. I dove on top of him punching down in rage like I''d never felt before in my entire life. Burying his face under my fist, again and again, until his face gave in and I felt something soft slap against my knuckles. I kept punching more and I felt power flow into me, intoxicating, I felt drunk with power.


    I staggered back through the back entrance of Purgatory Hotel and Casino, taking my private elevator up to the penthouse suite. I cried some more, my mental state was foggy, unclear, and I felt like I was slipping away, slowly, slowly into nothingness.


    I awoke much later. I, the former demon Melzelbell looked down my pants, there was nothing there. I raged into the night. It was gone, my penis, my powers, i was now a eunuch. Tears streamed down my face. I was now a penisless incubus. No more seduction. My life was over, gone, done, kaput. I might as well take a bath in holy water, and cease to exist. But there was the question of all of the debt I''d racked up in purgatory, not the plane of existence, but the casino. I''d always been able to charm some pretty girl into gambling away her soul to stave off this debt, and keep my ridiculous lifestyle. But now, was I even technically still a man, a demon, or anything. I don''t know, but I''m damn well going to find out.

 Memberless chapter 2

    Memberless chapter 2


    "I will steal back my penis," I yelled into the heavens. Or the ceiling more accurately. I heard a yell from the street, out the window, "YOU DO THAT!" I''d been dreaming about having sex and then it turned out I was catching, not pitching, and I awoke in a cold sweat. There was a knock at the door, "Mr. Zellbel," said the door. I wandered over and stared through the peephole. There were two big security goons and that prick of a manager, standing in the middle. Shit, why were they here. I thought I had another week and a half. "Ya," I yelled through the door. "Open the door Mr. Zellbel," the door replied. They pounded on the door again. I peered through the peephole again. He was sliding his universal card into the lock, Fuck. The door burst open, and I was pushed up against the wall. "God it''s a mess in here," said the manager looking around in disdain. "Mr. Zellbel," he said "I''m sorry to inform you that we''re taking your membership to the Purgatory Hotel and Casino." "You are no longer a member," he said, as the door slammed shut. "You are now memberless, fired, defunct, kaput, gone, without a job, no longer welcome." I slumped down the wall bonelessly. "What happened?" I said. He sneered, "the girl you slept with," he said snidely, as he looked down his nose at me. "She complained, said she''ll tell the cops you raped her, if we don''t throw you out," he said. "But I was a gentleman," I said in rage. "I don''t care what you were," he whispered, "now we''re a member short of the sales team," he almost spit. "You''ve made us a lot of money Mr. Zellbell," he said, "but now it''s over, you have 2 minutes to get your shit and get out." He sniffed in annoyance. "Wait 2 minutes, and then show Mr. Zellbel the door," he told the two goons turning on his heel. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    Everything turned red and slowed down. Before I realized, I was moving towards that arrogant manager, I could see his eyes widen as my fist rocked his temple his jaw wiggled from side to side and he flew across the room flipping around wildly and slamming into the bathroom. The two goons looked at me flabbergasted. Then they looked at each other still in slow motion. I started to go towards the left one. Kicking at his legs viciously, he wobbled and started to step back to regain his balance. My right fist shot out connecting with his kidney and he doubled over. I beat his head down with my elbow, kneed him in the face and heard something snap. The other guy was swinging towards my face by then, it looked so slow. I moved my head left of his fist, caught his arm, turned and threw him into the wall behind me. He impacted into it falling right on his neck, and toppling to the ground. Red still clouded my vision pulsing as I proceeded to stomp on their heads, over and over and over again, until they were nothing but mush. My vision turned darker and I saw their souls drifting up, I breathed in, and their souls entered my body and swirled around in my solar plexus. I felt woozy like I was drunk. What was I, how had I done this. The manager slowly stumbled out of the bathroom. Looking at the scene, he shrieked, terror on his face. I wasn''t going to miss a meal. "You demon," he looked at me terrified. "Not anymore," I growled as I ripped out his throat. "I don''t know what I am," I said to the bleeding man, "but I know one thing for sure," I said, as I crushed his skull, and breathed in his soul. Power flooded my body making me woozy. I yelled to the heavens "I will steal back my penis." "YOU DO THAT!" Answered a distant call, from the street out the window.

 Chapter 3- working my way up

    Chapter 3- working my way up


    "I will steal back my penis,¡± I said more quietly to myself. My vision was slowing returning from red to pink and then normal. Although I still felt really high, like I¡¯d done a line of coke or something. But my brain was slowly returning to normal. I could feel the power inside me still. I placed my attention inside and saw 4 golden balls orbiting around the center, inside my solar plexus. My body was buzzing with power. Like I could bench press a semi. ¡°I will steal back my penis,¡± I said again.


    But how exactly? I didn¡¯t know where Sableye was, she was pretty high rank. Normally demons grew more powerful through demon power, and ranking within the various hells. I didn¡¯t have any demon power anymore, so I didn¡¯t know how I would measure up to some of the more powerful demons, like Sableye or Slick. How would I even find them, or that pimplee bastard who Stole MY DICK! ¡°Fuck,¡± I slammed my fist through the desk, breaking it in half with one blow. I was never this powerful before. I started laughing, it felt pretty good.


    All I knew was that I couldn¡¯t stay here. There were 3 dead bodies. I walked into the bathroom, and tried to use demon magic, to change my face. It didn¡¯t work, I had no demon energy anymore. I tried to summon the soul energy to cover my face, and alter my features, but the 4 souls just trembled slightly before continuing to orbit around inside my core. Shit, if I couldn¡¯t change my face, then this identity would be connected to the murders. Unless I could somehow get the bodies out of the penthouse in broad daylight and drive them somewhere. Would 3 bodies, two of them large muscle men, fit in my old vw bug. I didn¡¯t think so. Aah fuck it, I¡¯ll just kill any cops who come after me and eat their souls.


    Now, how to find Sableye. She was responsible for many lower class demons. She made sure they got paid through the PaySmell of Venmax systems, so demons could live and work in the human world, bringing souls to hell.


    I decided to work my way up the chain. There were plenty of lower level demons, doing the shit jobs, while the higher level ones were livin it up. Just like McGonads, and I knew the perfect demon to start with. I smiled evilly to myself, leaving the bodies for the cops to find, and went to find Jerry.


    ¡°Jerry,¡± I said sweetly. I was currently holding a slimy haired, scarecrow of a man against a dirty alley wall. I slammed him up against it, appreciating my newfound strength. Jerry was a sniveling pile of shitsticks of a lower lesser demon, how ever many lessers you can put on a demon, that¡¯s how many Jerry was. He worked in an underground brothel. But he wasn¡¯t even a pimp, he had been working his way up, to be a pimp, for the last 700 years. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.


    ¡°Jerry,¡± I said again, sweetly. I smacked his head into the brick wall. ¡°Who¡¯s the boss,¡± I screamed in his face.


    ¡°You¡¯re the boss, you¡¯re the boss mel, please don¡¯t hurt me,¡± he snivelled and whined like a little baby octopus, shooting its first ink.


    ¡°No, no, no,¡± I said quickly, ¡°what I wanna know is who¡¯s your boss Jerry.¡±


    He looked around surreptitiously. ¡°You¡¯re the boss mel,¡± he said again, ¡°I¡¯m your demon, don¡¯t know any other bosses,¡± he said and sniffed.


    ¡°No, no, no, no,¡± I said. I slammed him up against the wall again for good measure. ¡°I want to know who your direct superior is,¡± I said quickly, holding him there.


    ¡°You don¡¯t mean Mr. Sparkles do you?¡± he said.


    ¡°The pimp you work for,¡± I frowned, ¡°no, idiot, who is your demon superior,¡± I said, annoyed at how this was progressing.


    ¡°You¡¯re the boss mel,¡± he said, with wide eyes.


    ¡°No you idiot,¡± I dropped him to the ground. ¡°Yes I¡¯m the boss, right now,¡± I said, ¡°but who is your actual demon superior, the one who makes sure you get paid,¡± I said quietly, ¡°for the souls you corrupt.¡±


    ¡°Wait I¡¯m supposed to get paid for doing this,¡± he shouted at me. ¡°700 fucking years, and only NOW I¡¯m told, I¡¯m supposed to get PAID for being in this shitty world,¡± he shouted, getting louder and louder until he was screaming up at me. He launched himself at me swinging a pathetic looking punch, which I easily caught, and threw him into the adjacent wall.


    I was taken aback. I¡¯d known Jerry for 700 hundred years, and I¡¯d never seen him like this. He was just a lowly shitstain of a lesser demon, doin the demonic hustle. Like the rest of us, but just with less skill, and more shame.


    ¡°You motherfucker,¡± he screamed at me, ¡°You¡¯re my direct superior,¡± he yelled, breaking into a coughing fit halfway through. ¡°You owe me 700 hundred years worth of shitty pay, you massive douche,¡± he yelled, breathing heavily, slowly wobbling to his feet.


    700 hundred years ago, I went back in my mind. I vaguely recalled something.


    ¡°Wait was this when Sableye dropped by, and told me a new demon was in town, and to take care of him.¡± Odd choice of words I thought. ¡°At the time, I thought she wanted me to have sex with you,¡± I smiled sweetly. ¡°I am the best in bed after all,¡± I thought aloud, until I remember I no longer had a penis. My vision started to go red and I screamed up into the night ¡°I will get back my penis.¡±


    Jerry was punching the wall, in anguish for the loss of pay, for 700 hundred years of sloppy, lazy, mediocre work, and a lot of slacking off. That is until he heard what Melzellbell had screamed into the distant night.


    ¡°What did you just say,¡± said Jerry, raising his eyebrows, the highest they have ever been raised. ¡°What did you just say,¡± he started to snicker, a small grin coming to his face.


    I looked at him coldly, my vision returning to normal.

 Chapter 4- Hit list

    Chapter 4- Hit list


    Why didn¡¯t my vision stay red, it was strange. I thought for a moment. Jerry wasn¡¯t my target. I wasn¡¯t angry at him. I was angry at all of demon kind, and heaven too, everyone fucked me over, and left me to die. I wanted to tear down the system. And my new powers just might be enough to do it. I grinned an evil grin. But I would be absorbing many, many souls. Killing hundreds, if not thousands of people. Did I care? I thought about it. I really thought about it.... Nope, didn''t care, but I did care about my image. I couldn¡¯t care less how many corpses I had to step over to gain power, but I had to look cool doing it.


    I got Jerry to tell me of any other demons he knew. The only other one besides me and Sableye, was this super rich asshole, who smuggled girls into the US. He was secretly involved in the slave trade, taking girls from poor countries, sneaking them in, and pimping them out. What a fucking turd bag. I was glad I¡¯d get to rip him a new one, but I didn¡¯t know how powerful he was. Jerry never asked, as he was a shitstain on every other demons shoe. He¡¯d played the toady for 700 years after all. My fault of course, but Sableye was never a very direct person.


    This was a gamble on my part. If I was more powerful, I¡¯d kick his ass. If he was more powerful, I¡¯d probably die and get shoved in a sewer to rot. I¡¯m not sure if I¡¯m immortal anymore either, so If I died, I might die the true death, instead of being discorporated. It had happened before. Being discorporated was uncomfortable, to say the least. Having your soul, energy, whatever demons have, anyways, sucked through a kaleidoscope, feeling like you¡¯re falling off a hundred foot cliff, combined with pain, lots and lots of pain. When I think about it, here¡¯s hoping for the true death instead. But I didn¡¯t really want to die any kind of death, true or not. Who should I kill, to power up, I asked myself.Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    ¡°Any one you want rubbed off,¡± I asked Jerry.


    ¡°Sorry boss, you gotta have a penis to rub one off,¡± he said laughing in my face. I quickly punched him in the throat, and he choked.


    ¡°You want to kill mortals?¡± Jerry asked, and his eyes widened. ¡°Why?¡± he asked, raising an eyebrow.


    ¡°Ever since my demon energy was removed,¡± I said, and his mouth quirked up at the corner. ¡°I¡¯m able to absorb mortal souls for power,¡± I finished.


    He looked at me quizzically. ¡°You can eat human souls,¡± he said sardonically. ¡°Where do they go,¡± he asked.


    ¡°Into my solar plexus,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯ve got 4 of them swirling around, right now.¡±


    He looked at my stomach, ¡°I don¡¯t see anything,¡± he said quizzically. ¡°You replaced balls with souls he said,¡± cracking up stupidly.


    I grimaced, red danced around the corners of my vision, I breathed deeply. ¡°Jerry can help me, Jerry can help me,¡± I quietly said over and over. I will reclaim my penis I promised myself, and looked up at him.


    ¡°So, you got nobody who you want killed, removed, disappeared,¡± I said. Oh god, I thought to myself, I will get back my penis.


    ¡°Nah,¡± he said, still grinning, rolling his eyes and pausing in thought.


    ¡°Well you could kill this one guy, who always beats up the girls he fucks,¡± he said thoughtfully. ¡°He¡¯s already killed one of them. He paid us off,¡± he said, ¡°but it''s not good business.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to enjoy this,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m going to enjoy this.¡±