《Like a dawn》 Prologue We¡¯re rarely aware of the exact moment when we make that decision that changes everything. We follow our feelings in the heat of the moment, and only later, as we see the outcomes of our actions, do we reflect on how different our lives might have been if we¡¯d chosen another path. But Leah was aware that night. The very moment she told Kal to leave, she knew her life had just taken a decisive turn. What neither of them imagined then was that, almost ten years later, fate would bring them back for another test. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. No matter how many times I think about it, their meeting is, and always will be, my favourite accident. Because when love is true, it always finds a way to put the right people on the same path. And although Leah would have sworn her heart didn¡¯t belong to Kal, this story is the clearest proof that some hearts are capable of loving more than one person. Let me tell you how I learned that some people, as Leah¡¯s favourite song goes, are truly Born to Be Wild. I April 2021 Madison, Wisconsin Like a true nature''s child We were born, born to be wild We can climb so high I never wanna die¡­ It¡¯s difficult to put Leah¡¯s emotional state into words at that moment. Saying she was struggling would barely scratch the surface; it was like comparing a vast ocean to a mere puddle. That evening ¨C which I like to think of as Leah¡¯s new beginning ¨C the city was gripped by cold. The temperatures had dropped throughout the day, almost in perfect harmony with her emotions, as if the weather itself wanted to mourn alongside her. Through the earphones hanging around her neck, Born to Be Wild played with a cheer that cruelly contrasted with her slow, despondent sway on one of the old, lonely swings at Brittingham Park, facing Lake Monona. Once more, that crushing emptiness, the same feeling that had taken residence in her chest over the past year like a predator patiently stalking its prey, began to swell. It was like an invisible hand gripping her throat, stealing her breath and cruelly reminding her of everything she¡¯d lost. Leah held onto the swing''s chains, feeling the cold, harsh metal digging into her palms. It was almost a relief: if the emotional pain tearing her apart wasn¡¯t enough, she could still punish herself with physical pain. But recognising the destructive spiral, she loosened her grip. The air seemed to refuse entry to her lungs as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the deafening buzz that filled her ears. ¡°Breathe,¡± she urged herself, desperately reaching into her memories for a voice she feared was fading. After what felt like an eternity, Leah managed to regain control. Opening her eyes, she took in the gorgeous array of ochre tones spilling across the horizon over the lake. She named each one in her mind until the claw of anxiety that had gripped her throat began to ease. Finally, she could breathe steadily, though a stubborn ache lingered for a few moments more. Brittingham Park was her favourite place in the world. She¡¯d grown up watching the vivid spectacle that Lake Monona offered each sunset. The swing, the lake, and those sunsets were the only things that still, in some way, connected her to Mark, the love of her life. They¡¯d pledged their love at eight years old, long before they understood what that word meant, but they were certain they were meant for each other. Their love had been a slow burn, maturing day by day for twenty-four years, until just over a year ago. But even all that time together hadn¡¯t been enough for her, and although everyone assured her she¡¯d learn to live with the pain, to Leah, it was simply inconceivable. How could anyone expect her to carry on without him? The pain in her chest each time reality struck was devastating. She would never again hear his laughter echo through the kitchen, feel his warmth as he turned over in bed reaching for her embrace, or bicker over trivial things like not leaving the keys on the hook by the door. It was that void, that constant absence of everyday moments, which became increasingly unbearable by the day. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°And now look up at the sky,¡± Mark¡¯s voice whispered through her earphones. ¡°You¡¯ll see the stars awakening to wish you goodnight.¡± Leah sobbed, her eyes fixed on the glow of the night¡¯s first stars. She longed for those bright blue eyes she loved so much to be watching her from somewhere in that vast universe. Astronomer ¨C that had been Mark¡¯s dream since he was young. Studying the infinity of the cosmos had become his life¡¯s purpose and, though he had sacrificed many things along the way, like summers in Wisconsin with Leah, he had finally achieved his goal, becoming a true up-and-coming astronomer. ¡°I can¡¯t, Mark,¡± she sobbed as tears blurred her vision. ¡°I swear I¡¯ve tried, but I don¡¯t know how to live without you.¡± ¡°You can, and you will, Leah. You were someone before you met me, you were someone beside me, and you¡¯ll still be someone without me. Please, promise me you¡¯ll be happy again.¡± Mark¡¯s voice, fainter with each memory, took her back to the last sunset they shared. No one could understand the depth of her loss. He¡¯d no longer calm her storms with a smile, or hold her when nightmares woke her in the middle of the night. He¡¯d never again whisper to her that everything would be alright. Mark was gone forever, and she simply couldn¡¯t, wouldn¡¯t, accept that she¡¯d been left empty and alone. With that tempest of emotions raging within, Leah pressed her fist to her chest, trying to ease the grip that now felt as though it would tear her heart out. She was convinced that what beat in her chest was no longer anything but a phantom organ, like an amputated limb that aches despite no longer being there. Each day she felt more fragile, more exhausted, and more frightened. Even simple tasks like breathing or swallowing had become real challenges. She felt shattered, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn¡¯t piece herself back together. She had sought professional help, took sedatives to sleep and antidepressants. Her therapist assured her that one day something would ¡°click¡± inside her, and she would begin to heal, but Leah felt farther and farther from that moment. Deep down, Leah was absolutely certain that the void that had taken over her chest, consuming her day by day, could never be filled by anything or anyone. Leah took a deep breath, filling her lungs until they burned. Mark¡¯s voice was fading from her memory with each day, but another remained clear: that of Kal, her best friend from her teenage years. Ten years ago, during one of their film nights, Kal had quoted a scene from Batman that now took on a special meaning. Harvey Dent¡¯s words, spoken by Kal, had etched themselves into her mind with the same intensity with which he used to say them. ¡°The night is darkest just before the dawn... and I promise you, dawn is coming.¡± Something within her sparked inexplicably, like a glimmer in the darkness. Her heartbeat began to slow, and the suffocating sensation gradually eased. A little voice in her head, suspiciously similar to Kal¡¯s, urged her to hang on. Dawn was close. And there, right at that moment, hearing those words branded into her mind in Kal¡¯s voice, Leah unknowingly changed her fate. She reached into her jacket pocket, pulled out her phone, and looked at the screen, pausing the audio she listened to every sunset by the lake. It was the recording her fianc¨¦ had left her before he passed, reminding her that, though he was no longer with her, every night, when the stars crowned the sky, he would be there, remembering how much he loved her. Her phone vibrated, and though she saw a new email notification, she simply locked the screen, put it back in her pocket, and trudged towards the buildings behind her. There was the apartment she and Mark had bought when they were just twenty: a small attic flat overlooking the lake that had seen them grow, laugh, and dream. That little home they had built together had once been her sanctuary. But for Leah, it had transformed into a prison of memories from which she lacked the courage to escape, terrified that leaving would mean beginning to forget him. As she pulled out her keys, her phone started ringing with the tune she¡¯d assigned to her brother John, prompting a sigh. She couldn¡¯t talk to him; John would notice immediately that she¡¯d been crying, worry himself sick, and be there in under ten minutes. She stood frozen in front of the door, listening to that cheerful jingle that had always reminded her of her older brother. Only when the call ended did she dare to slide the key into the lock and enter the building. II Abril 2021 Madison, Wisconsin She didn¡¯t turn on the lights when she entered her flat. She just dropped the keys on the small wooden table by the door, even though she knew they didn¡¯t belong there. She hadn¡¯t hung them on the key holder again since then, almost as if she expected Mark to appear to remind her once more where they should go. The mirror reflected a haggard and exhausted face back at her. Her lack of appetite and the apathy that had taken over her life had turned her into little more than a wandering shadow. Her skin, once full of life, had lost all trace of colour, and under her eyes were purple shadows that told anyone who looked that she hadn¡¯t rested well in weeks. Or rather, in months. She slowly stroked her bony cheeks with her fingertips, but quickly looked away, loathing what she had become. Like another shadow in her apartment, she stepped out of her worn trainers by treading on the heels and let her jacket fall to the floor with a dull thud. She walked through the living room to her desk, facing the large window overlooking the lake, now shrouded in darkness. While her computer started up, she headed to the open-plan kitchen, looking for something to eat. She seemed to have found a way to drift through life on autopilot. She opened the silver fridge, which, as usual, was almost empty. It only looked full and inviting when John visited and stocked it with tubs that just needed heating. ¡°Pizza or¡­ pizza,¡± she sighed, picking up a poorly closed container. She closed the fridge with her foot and, not even bothering to heat up the previous day¡¯s pizza, went back to the desk and slumped into her chair. When was the last time she ate something with a real appetite? Lately, she¡¯d forced herself to eat at least twice a day. If she kept losing weight, John would make good on his threat to take her to live with him. The last thing Leah wanted was to live with her brother and his wife, happily married for five years and expecting their first child. Leah loved John and knew how much he was suffering because of her situation. That¡¯s why she¡¯d started to distance herself from him, trying not to cloud his happiness with the bitterness that was consuming her. She brought the slice of pizza to her mouth while, with her free hand, she opened her email inbox to check the message she¡¯d received a few minutes ago in the park. That was the precise moment when what would become the beginning of the end began. That expression may seem exaggerated and pessimistic, but I must admit it was the first ray of sunshine after a long and devastating storm. Leah¡¯s eyes quickly identified the sender of the message, and in shock, she let the slice of pizza she was holding close to her mouth fall onto the carpet. The half-chewed bite in her mouth turned into a lump that almost choked her for the second time that afternoon. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. She coughed hard, pounding her chest to help the piece of food go down. When she finally managed to breathe again, she fixed her eyes on the message, confirming that she hadn¡¯t read it wrong: the sender was Karel Davis. ¡°No, no, no¡­ Bloody hell!¡± she shouted angrily as she leapt to her feet, moving away from the computer as if it were burning her. After a few seconds of nervously pacing around the living room, she was overcome by a whirlwind of emotions she couldn¡¯t decipher. It was a mix of anger, fear, and excitement in equal parts. Her heart, that hurt with every beat, thudded forcefully, reminding her it was still alive. She returned to the desk and read that name again: Karel Davis. ¡°Don¡¯t panic,¡± she told herself, trying to calm down. She opened the message, holding her breath, and read it quickly. She needed a second reading to process the words. "Hi Leah! It¡¯s been ages since we last spoke. I¡¯m writing with some good news: the trip you booked for 2019 is back on. We¡¯ll be leaving from Chicago on 3rd June and arriving in Santa Monica on the 14th. Please confirm your places as soon as possible. I need to finalise the list between today and tomorrow. Looking forward to meeting you soon! Sarah." A part of Leah felt great relief to see that the message was signed by Sarah and not Kal. However, at the same time, a strange ball of rage began to form in her stomach. She clenched her teeth, feeling how that anger, which she¡¯d kept hidden in a dark corner of herself, burst out uncontrollably. The sensation was so intense she could almost imagine herself spitting fire, like an enraged dragon. She had to step away from the computer to avoid smashing the keyboard against the screen. Suddenly, she realised her breathing had quickened again. She hated Kal with all her strength. She hated him because his voice persisted in her memory, unlike Mark¡¯s, which had faded. She hated him because he hadn¡¯t fought to stay with her and because he was nowhere to be found when Mark passed away. Consumed by this surge of anger, she headed to the bedroom and slumped on the edge of the bed. She dug her fingers into the mattress, obsessively telling herself that he wasn¡¯t worth it. ¡°All my feelings belong to Mark, not him,¡± she told herself bitterly. But her attempts at self-convincing were in vain. Suddenly, a deafening ringing invaded her ears, and she realised, too late, that she was having one of those panic attacks she¡¯d worked so hard to overcome. However, this one was different. Instead of fear or pain, she was overwhelmed by an intense rage and an uncontrollable urge to scream. Yet only a silent sob escaped her throat. She lay back, clutching the pillow and burying her face in it. At last, she was able to scream with all her might, releasing everything she¡¯d held in for years. The ball of acid and hatred lodged in her stomach rose up her throat, tearing it with a scream that, paradoxically, felt freeing. Seconds later, she threw the pillow to the floor and broke into tears. That message had been the click she needed to realise she couldn¡¯t face grief alone. Mark was gone forever, but Kal was still part of her happiest memories, and that contradiction tore her apart. Every tear that fell from her eyes felt like a stab, sinking her deeper into that black hole that had long threatened to consume her. Almost without realising it, she crawled to the doorway where she¡¯d dropped her jacket. With trembling hands, she fished her mobile phone out of the pocket and, clumsily, dialled her brother¡¯s number. ¡°John¡­¡± she gasped as soon as she heard his voice. ¡°I can¡¯t breathe,¡± she sobbed, before the phone slipped from her hands. She gave up, curling up into a trembling ball on the floor, crying inconsolably. She had tried to face it in every possible way, but this battle was far too great to fight alone.