《Nirwana》


 Chapter 1 :The lament of a trash

    ¡®I just want to have a leisure life¡¯


    Thought him while glancing towad the uncle in front who seems pissed.


    "Hey, don¡¯t sleep in front of others shop! You hinder my business!"


    Said the potbelly uncle with rugged beard shouting toward messed up, a dirty, smelly looking man with a gloomy countenance that just wants to lay down.


    ¡®Yet it reduce to only a mere of capable of having my belly filled daily¡¯


    "I¡¯m¡­Sorry. I just too tired tonight. Please just let me sleep here. It''s not like I will bother you when your shop close¡­"


    Said the man albeit very slowly. It gives others the feeling like he doesn¡¯t have any energy yet talk because he doesn¡¯t have any way to explain. He seems too feeble for someone that young yet, it hidden well when he said it while gazing right towad his counterpart questioningly..


    Others might wonder just as the man would, but one thing for sure, the uncle want to tell the man to leave.


    "I don¡¯t care!" Such annoyance radiating from him making the onlooker who get closer and their cuirousity pique flinched.


    Just hoping the old man will give in, he instead shouts with even more vein popped on his forehead walking back begrudgingly as if telling him he doesn¡¯t want to say another word while looking back toward the man wondering how he will respond making the man smile a little.


    Of course he erase it right after.


    *Thud thud thud


    Not even 3 steps he walks, the somewhat young and little bit beautiful lady small jog from the inside making the oldman make face full of question.


    ¡­until he saw her brought a bucket of water.


    *Splash!


    "¡­Humph! If you don¡¯t do it the hard way, he won¡¯t listen, dad."


    Said her with an annoyed yet triumphant look as if telling her dad for praise.


    The man, full of shock, stood frozen in place, body halfway standing up with his gaze directed toward the girl and uncle repeatedly. The world became distant, his ear buzzing, with his mouth gaping open and close as if telling the world just how confused and shocked he is.


    It¡¯s not like there aren¡¯t any passenger walking pass this shop to help or speak for him, but just either ignore, pity or just record the event with their mobile phone.


    On their lenses, you can see the back of skinny man wearing a full of patch clothes damped in this cold night frozen stood still in front of shop with young somewhat beautiful girl with shoulder lenght hair who held her chin up and hands on her hips, then the seemingly supposed to be his dad complicated face captured while his hand stretched mid-air.


    "¡­Please just leave dude."


    "¡­I¡¯m sorry."


    Said the oldman almost like a whisper answered like so with the man who hugs his body with slumped back walking away. Don¡¯t know what the old man thinking but, he drags his daughter in with haste and slams his front door shut, closing this eventful night.


    At least that is what the young girl believe but not only she received praise, but a scolding instead.


    Why!? She asks.


    How!? She believes.


    Yet the old man feels even more remorse after this shocking event. Already old enough to have this big of a daughter, he knows that reprimanding the man from before seems harsh but it¡¯s necessary because unless he receives a wakeup call, he won¡¯t realize that not all people are nice enough to pity someone that young live his way like that.


    He plan to scold him harshly and leave, giving the man time to think. The man might feel like his smile ae hidden well enough but for the uncle who do such thing out of goodwill, and given how much he deal with customer, the habit of observing others facial expressions and gesture ended up making him noticing the small smile the man had before.


    But instead the man, he feels slapped awake by his daughter attitude. What did I do wrong? Have I spoiled her too much? Is it alright to force her to apologize to the man? His panics make him lost his chance but it''s not too late.


    With haste, he dragged the reluctant daughter of his to apologize to the man, running toward where he believes his destination. Without him knowing, that decision save him from being reprimanded from a whole country given how fast social media working nowadays.Stolen novel; please report.


    ¡­Of course he didn¡¯t know because he never has Social media account to begin with but it is much more different for the girl


    On the way, the daughter keep struggling as if protesting with her dad unjust action while turning her gaze left and right as if asking for help. Not getting the help she ''Deserve'', other seems point their finger with the gaze she never felt before.


    ***


    ...I am lucky.


    Thought the man that a moment ago he feels like his life becomes even more useless.


    "Do you record it? If yes, could you please send what I want to say to him?" ask the man toward passerby who still record his expression with interest.


    -You know, go somewhere else and get a job or something. You can either sing on the street or lifting goods for some company. They paid so little but at least you have something to eat-


    Walking tirely toward certain direction, he dissapeared from the crowd and go back to where he belong, toward the place where lower stratum of society linger.


    ¡®It is not like I don¡¯t want to. My body deteriorated so much given how little I eat.¡¯


    He becomes hungry and cannot do a job done.


    Cannot do a job done, he called back less and less.


    Called back less, he lost his source of income.


    And go back to the beginning.


    *Crunch Chomp


    This seemingly demonic cycle is what makes his life and body becoming worse over time.


    Sitting below the bridge while eating his fill in hurry, he sometimes turns his gaze left and right and even flinches every time he heard something, even from the flowing river in front of him where no danger might appear from.


    Within this cold dark night, holding the bread the old man gives tightly with his dirty hand sitting in the corner, he recall to what uncle said again from before in front of everyone who create a circle around him as if watching a show.


    -This is my apologies. I am very sorry about what my daughter did to you. Just take this food and clothes. Better than shivering with that empty stomach and damp clothes of yours.-


    ...And the ¡®sincere¡¯ apology coming from that uncle is what give him such feeling.


    -Of course, I won¡¯t give you anything but advice gahahaha¡ª Hahh-


    ¡°*Sigh. I won''t come back even if I am forced by you¡±


    Said the man audibly with the corner of his lips tilted upward and tears on the corner of his eyes.


    The time where receiving love and care as if it is natural, not feeling enough of it while complaining, seeking something out of ideal but ending up in the worst-case scenario where no forgive nor chance even exist, he decided to not bother others too much at least for the little pride he has.


    Especially with hatred which coming from the daughter of his, there is no way the man would dare to.


    But when he thinks that the girl might end up traumatized considering that when she looks toward her surrounding, what awaits her are multiple looks of condemning and disgust probably never been felt by her ever since she was born, he becomes confused


    ''Such a different pair of father-daughter they are''


    The reason he smiles, though he didn''t realize it, was because he knows somehow the uncle doesn''t have any ill will. Of course, his scolding hurt his heart but, years after years on the street, and looked down by others multiple times, he developed a sensitive skin toward others who have bad intention.


    ...And that uncle doesn''t emit such feeling but it feels warm instead.


    *Gushuk


    ''I am thankful to you. I will pay you back later''


    Just as the man starts to relax...


    ¡°Iyaah, look guys! Someone actually dares to sit in our territory yet didn¡¯t even say hi to us!¡±


    ¡°Mmmm, what is with that look! You dare to trespass someone property yet is this your attitude!!?¡±


    ¡°Haha...Don¡¯t be like that guys. Look, he is scared because of your behavior. No need to be afraid of my friend. We don¡¯t have a bad intention at all. You seem new here, that is why we became a little curious¡±


    Yes, the man indeed looking at the sudden group of three with who gods know intention they have, with wary and anger on his face. For someone who always on the street, he met all kind of people.


    No.


    Even without such experience, he is very sure that at least his belonging will be taken by them if he remains here.


    Without as much as mutter a single word, he leaps from his sitting place and runs toward the opposite direction. The place he was sitting from before are hidden place from the crowd, but if you look around, there is the trace of the bottle of alcohol, the smell of piss, mural, or even condom could be found so, seemingly only wild people who would possibly pop out around here.


    While running, though he seems desperate, his mind actually very heavy and muddled, actually the trace of determination weirdly could be found on his supposed to be, hollow eyes.


    ''Is this the kind of life I am trying to achieve?...''


    *Huff Huff


    "Little kid, take this bread and run away... over there. Don''t forget to hide it from... others"


    Said the man while giving one boy and one girl around 6 years old with as much dirty looking as he is while pointing toward the abandoned building.


    ''...Always running away, need to be sensitive toward what others intention are?...''


    "Just take this, gramps. I don''t need it"


    Said the man while throwing all of the clothes he receives down when he arrived on top of the bridge back down.


    ''No one even needs me. No place could take me in''


    "OY! You dare to give my clothes to others!??"


    "I swear I will beat you up and throw you somewhere to feed the dog!!"


    "...This guy pissed me off"


    Of course for them, such skinny dude is easy to catch but they actually intend to play with their prey first and bully him afterward but who would have thought that he share "Their things" toward other as if giving an alms? On top of that, he tosses it down under the bridge again when they just arrive on top making them feel like anger clogged upon their throat.


    They saw the kid face, so they will take it back from them later but with the most valuable things, the things that look like clothes, are given toward god know who, it makes them hate the man so much to point of spouting murder intention. Because someone catches the clothes too fast while still looking down under that dark, corner night, it is too difficult to know which hand it ended up with.


    ''Living a life full of regret yet doesn''t have any will to change?''


    "....Hahh..HAhhh..*gulp. Do you guys... hate me??"


    "Hehehe. Better you do not move anywhere buddy. "


    "Hahahah, of course, we don''t hate you! I will never forget ''Your Face'', even when you try to hide it!"


    "..Same for me. To be honest, ''Forgetting Your Face'' feels like an ''Impossibility'' for me"


    ''...If so...Thennn...''


    "...Hehehe.. Great! At least, some people would still...remember me" Said the man with happy and covered with mud face of him.


    What are BS are you spouting about, wonder the trio until they realize it too late when the man jumps off from atop of the bridge...


    *Splash gurgle gurgle


    ...and washed away by the flowing river.


    ''...It is better if I just disappear from this world''


    Thought the man before he lost consciousness, feeling tired with his little useless life.

 Chapter 2: Cliche

    *Gasp


    Waking up as if slapped awake, I am gasping with short and hasty breath as if desperately swallowing oxigen that I am used to long for.


    "*cough! Cough! ... ueghhh"


    A lot of water coming out of my mouth as if broken damp but it seriously relief the burden the clogged feeling on my chest.


    My position are belly down, with half of my body still in the water so it is really cold down there especially my feet but I dont care, or rather, I failed to care at such a thing when a deep pain make a scratch from my chest, goes to my throat then hammering my brain with power making the world seems spinning.


    I try to make myself as calm as possible in order to tone down my thumping heart.


    *Breath in Breath out


    It is difficult to keep my shaking body of mine down, but maybe the powerless hand that push it''s body up are still want to work hard in order to make it''s owner into as much comfortable position as possible I believe.


    "Fiuhh"


    Closing this tired eyes, a certain image automatically projecting inside my head.


    In it, a dark and muddy liquid envelope me while my stretched hand keep desperately trying to reach anything that can be grab to but to no avail. The feeling of deep fear swallowed me when water start to pour onto my lung forcibly making me cough it to my nose.


    All of my air goes out just like that but within this accursed place, breathing are something strictly forbidden with a very blatant danger sign flickering with warning.


    What should I do?


    I don''t want to die!!!


    IF!! Just IF I can somehow take even a tiny weeny air, I can be released from this torment!!


    Just like how Adam and Eve ignore the warning given to them and received their punishment, I too ignore the warning my logic gave me.


    Even though they are supposed to be a loyal subject of God, they still do it in the end.


    ''Now I know why.''


    Because the temptation are too hard to be ignored.


    Even though a deeper hell are already directing his hungry gaze, I breath in as little as possible in order to only take the little necessity my body need.


    At least that is my plan.


    After that, a lot of dirty water come straight toward my throat making me even harder to breath before my brain shut down completely.


    Now that I mention it again, that river are in the middle of city so even a piss, detergent, trash, and waste are mixing together.


    "Uhh... Ueeghhh"


    There is no water in my vomit, only saliva and air but the pain it caused make me frown so much that my forehead start to hurt.


    "...*huff Huff. Ugh, if I know something like this were to happen to me...I will learn how to swim even though it torture me..."


    Well, there is no "IF" in this wolrd and again, I learn in in the hard way.


    ''Wait...When did I learn such a thing?''


    ''No, what matter the most are to get as far as possible with this damn river''


    Thought me while kicking the water with force hoping that will make it feel regretful for making me experience such an awful thing.This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    But what greet me are a clear stream, like mountain river.


    Dumbfounded, I scoop the water with hand and sniff it with concentration.


    "*Lick. No taste either"


    That is some courage I have to lick something foreign but my head have been slowed so I don''t thought of it that far.


    "It''s somewhat refresing"


    Well, normal water doesn''t have taste to begin with but till how far did am I drifted? From the middle of a city to clear and pure water in the middle of...


    ''...Forest? Or mountain?''


    *grumble


    ...I am hungry. So, how am I supposed to eat in this place? Fruit? Vegetable? I don''t even know whether some kind of fruit that I know of exist in this mountain.


    "...Wait. How come the water go upstream?"


    Goes from mountain top, toward city settlement, then goes straight to the wide sea.


    That how it normally goes.


    Looking up, the dense forest look as green as what you normally find in the best picture captured in museum where things still looks good. The leaf dancing with the refreshing wind make the chaotic head of mine calmed down significally.


    Not good.


    For me to realize such a matter of fact thing this late mean I cannot count of my thinking process at all. For now, I need to get far from the river and dry my clothes so that I won''t catch a cold.


    Dragging my tired and heavy body, I reach the nearby tree with much effort then strip myself leaving only a short and put it under the sun. Looking up, the sun still not that high.


    "Maybe around 7 or 8 o''clock if I am not wrong."


    After all of that done, I start to examine the river carefully. It is indeed very clear and clean. Not so deep, but it cleanness borderline ridiculous. Judging it as unhealthy water might make other doubt my intelligence so without hesitation, I dive my head in while keeping my eyes open wide.


    What meets me is a wonderful world where a lot of underwater plants that I don''t know about swaying gently giving such a feast to the eyes. Especially that cheerful figure of a group of fish that swaying it''s butt as if asking to be eaten.


    ***


    An hour passed and not even 1 fish been caught by me.


    ''HOW COME IS IT SO HARD!!??''


    Don''t know how many time he wants to shout but he endured it with his will alone fearing that some kind strange yet dangerous animal might hear it. After that exercise, his body becomes so tired that he wanted to only sleep, basking under the warm sunlight.


    ''But I am afraid that it might get even harder for me to move afterwards''


    Why the heck did I give my source of food to others anyway?


    ''Is there some kind of bait for me to use?''


    Took me a whole hour and a handful of time for me to figuring such normal common sense, I tried to direct my gaze toward the trees around me while feeling dejected with my not so bright head of mine.


    What can I do?


    Clutching my already quite warm clothes of mine, I ended up shaking my head then use it to catch a fish with.


    It is quite useful because it replaces a net though not so much but I at least caught a fish with it but...


    ''...No lighter around''


    I might be able to light a fire without it but...


    ''Who am I kidding? I never know how to do such a thing''


    I am not a smoker because it cost me money.


    Of course, I was smoking, or even gambling, drinking or even stealing but I thought that at least I want to change my habit first so I limit my self from smoking because it cost me daily compared with others.


    "I kind of regret it now"


    I still process the fish though.


    Never clean a fish, doesn''t have any sharp object to cut its belly, I start to wonder whether is it alright for me to eat it raw.


    Of course, I wouldn''t dare.


    Leaving with no choice, I pried it open barehanded, clear it with flowing water, clean its scale, store it after I wrap it with leaves.


    Good thing is, I know some of the leaves that can be used to wrap food with.


    ''Banana tree. But WHY there aren''t any banana in it? *Sigh''


    Such a cruel way to torture my fragile heart.


    I do really hungry but maybe there is food inside the forest so I stop my impulse for now.


    Looking upstream, there is a mountain far away. Never saw it nor do I want to go there.


    Normally, you can find Settlement if you keep following riverside so in order to save energy, I go downstream instead. But after walking for 1 whole hour, I start to doubt whether there is much difference between those choices.


    Looking toward the top of trees, I start to wonder whether I can saw something from above then decide to climb it just in case.


    Yet another worse choice because IF I do that from the beginning, I might save a lot of time and trouble. Now that I am hungry and tired from walking, I climb the f*cvking trees so it became harder to go down now.


    ''Maybe this is exactly the reason why I ended up as a beggar on the street''


    Giving up, I sat still while recovering from my fatigued while relaxing my eyes with the wonder of the world.


    Left and right, no sight of living being found. No bad weather sighted which is good, but no fruit either. Mushroom? I didn''t even dare touch it.


    There is one time where I tought that any kind of mushroom will do to appease my hunger but ended up giving me a stomach ache instead.


    "...Can I survive?"


    Then without knowing, tears start to pour from the corner of my eyes.


    But when I thought that I might have no future anymore...


    "*Hic Hic...Mommy..."


    "..."


    I heard a cry of a kid.


    In the f*cking middle of forest, where there is no living trace could be found. ( At least for now )


    ''Well...Should I happy now''