《The Moth Princess》


 Chapter 1

    The Moth Princess Chapter 1


    Natasha weber


    Yurenheim, 172


    What an exciting day it is, diary! I was saving my first entry into you for a special time, and it has come! I am lucky to have you with me! It is a good thing I always keep you in my undergarments!


    I suppose I should introduce myself to you, my diary! I am a princess who has been abducted from the moth kingdom of Nui, and I can¡¯t wait for a handsome moth prince to come rescue me?! There are many other princesses in here with me; they are all humans, however. Humans are very pretty, but whiny creatures. Mothwomen are far superior and all the prettier, as far as I am concerned.


    Giants came to my kingdom and stole me away! They put me in this cage hanging from the ceiling and then locked the cage!


    But oh! How the wretched human princesses do go on complaining! They pale in comparison to me in both disposition and beauty!


    ¡°I am starving!¡± One cries.


    ¡°My dress is tattered!¡± Cries another.


    ¡°My hair is ruined!¡± Cries a third.


    All of them are very silly. This is their chance to find true love, after all!


    Oh no! Here comes a guard! I must put you away, diary!


    Yurenheim, 172


    Well¡­ The human princesses have been rescued. Their handsome human princes came for them. I am sorry I haven¡¯t written for a whole week, my diary. It is hard with the gigantic, humanoid guards always making their rounds.


    My ivory moth fur is getting very dirty and itchy. Not only that, but my beautiful dress is tattered and filthy! I am losing weight quickly as well¡­ I am not sure how appealing I will be to a moth prince! Mothmen like their women to have a little fat. The human princesses got rescued so quickly that they lost no fat at all¡­


    When the human princes invaded the castle to rescue their princesses, they left me caged and cried that I was one of the giants¡¯ horrifying monsters.


    I will not lie. That hurt, diary¡­ I spent all these days alone crying about it. Some of the kinder princesses tried to convince their princes to rescue me as well, but the princes would have none of it.


    ¡°That is a corrupt creature of magic. We shall not touch it!¡± I heard one of the princes cry.


    ¡°Look at its hideous, oval eyes! As dark and menacing as the night sky!¡± Said another.


    Would it have¡­ Would it have really have been so much trouble to uncage me? I knew they had not come to rescue me, personally, but it was very rude of them to assume I was some kind of monster. I looked similar enough to them; I stood upright on two legs, I was close enough to their height, and I had two eyes¡­ It was true that my head and eyes were quite oval and huge compared to theirs, but they were still similar enough!... Except for my four arms and two wings¡­


    Ah well, I should cheer up! My prince will come for me soon as well!


    Yurenheim, 172


    Well, here I am in a cage still¡­ No prince has come for me. More human princesses have been captured, however! I make polite conversation with them about their kingdoms as we all wait for our princes. They complain as much as the previous princesses did, but it is nonetheless nice to have company! Except¡­ Well, the princesses talk to me like I am slow and stupid because I am different from them. To think me, the prettiest and most sought after princess in all of the moth kingdoms should be treated in such an unkind way!... Well, okay, I didn¡¯t know whether I was the prettiest or most sought after¡ªbut I was certainly beautiful!


    I look out upon the castle dungeon I am being held in with contempt; giants are the most repulsive of creatures! It is filthy in this tall, cylindrical dungeon in which my cage hangs! They never clean up and the wretched giants are too stupid to put on clothing like we civilized creatures!


    Potenheim, 172


    Those princesses are gone now too, and I am all alone again. I am very hungry¡­ My cage is filthy, my clothes still tattered, and my fur is all the itchier. I hold on to my crown and run my fingers over it miserably over and over.


    My prince will come for me soon, I know it!


    ¡­But my stomach hurts very much from hunger. What a black feeling it is that is blooming in my stomach¡­


    Furenheim, 172Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    I haven¡¯t written for months, and I have instead been using you, my sweet diary, to tick off the days since I have been here. Still no prince¡­ I spend most days hugging my knees and awaiting my meager dinners with anticipation¡­ I haven¡¯t seen any human princesses since the last batch¡­ But I do not doubt my prince will come any day now!


    Envenheim, 173


    Still no prince¡­ I am starving and awaiting my next meal. I lie on my side and reminisce about my family. I miss them very much¡­


    Lulinheim, 180


    It¡¯s my twenty-second birthday and still no prince. I cry everyday. I have seen many princesses come and go, and I am left here because I am ugly and a monster. The moth gods have made it known that this is what I deserve. The moth gods only give gifts to those women who are worthy and full of passion. I once thought I was full of red passion, but I was wrong.


    Tujuheim, 180


    Diary, a human woman has arrived. At least, I think she is a woman? It is hard to tell with humans. She has lovely, long, blonde hair and green eyes! She also has a very high-pitched voice! She has been hiding in the shadows for the past few days and promises to rescue me.


    ¡°Fear not, dear lady! I shall steal the key from the giant¡¯s bedroom and set you free!¡± She claims.


    ¡°Do not bother, lady-knight, I am content to die here. It is what I deserve, I suppose¡­¡±


    She chuckles and corrects me from the shadows on the high staircase behind me, ¡°I am a man, dear lady! Please remember! And do not be coy! I know you desire to be rescued!¡±


    I recognize the red cross on the white mantle on his uniform as he emerges from the shadows; he is a templar knight¡ªa devotee of some kind of human religion.


    To be honest¡­ I don¡¯t care whether he rescues me or not. I am clearly a repulsive creature worthy of disdain or else some man would have come for me by now. I stopped caring about getting out long ago¡­ We will see if he even bothers to come back¡­ I will surely tell you if he does, my diary.


    _


    Diary, he has come back. He was careful to avoid, and seems to have memorized, the patrol of the giants who consistently enter the dungeon in which I am kept.


    I lean my cheek upon one of my four hands and watch him expressionlessly as he emerges from the shadows. I only feel apathetic about his appearance, however.


    He waited for the giant to leave before calling to me, ¡°tell me where the winch is to lower your cage!¡±


    I replied listlessly, ¡°it¡¯s below my cage¡­¡±


    The templar sped down the gigantic staircase meant for much bigger individuals and found the winch on the bottom floor. He must have been very strong to pull such a big winch. He lowered it abruptly and my cage came shuddering to the ground at a tremendous speed with me squealing in fear.


    The templar slowed it just enough before it hit the ground that it didn¡¯t hurt me.


    The templar fumbled in his pocket for a key and opened my cage. I didn¡¯t move at all. I stayed, lying on my side, and I rolled away from him.


    ¡°Dear princess! We must make haste! The giants will come soon!¡± The templar warned me.


    ¡°I do not care. I am an ugly moth girl¡­ No one wants to marry me.¡± I wept hot tears.


    The templar stepped into my cage and knelt by my side. ¡°Come now, pretty girl¡­ I shall stay here if you do. Can you live with that?¡±


    I didn¡¯t budge for a moment, but I turned to him with tears staining my white fur. ¡°You would put your life on the line for me...?¡±


    He nodded. ¡°Get up; I care not for vain things such as beauty. I care about life and the beautiful things in it.¡±


    I didn¡¯t want this nice man to get dragged down with me. Curse him¡­ Why couldn¡¯t he have left me there, diary?


    I reached out a hand to him, wanting him to help me up, but he backed away.


    ¡°I am a templar, princess! We may not touch women!¡± He explained.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I climbed to my wobbly feet and I followed him up the gigantic stairs he had come down. I tried to use my ivory wings to fly, but they weren¡¯t working. I stuck to using my feet.


    Being emaciated and exhausted, my vision swam and I collapsed on my way up. The templar, who was ahead, came back to me hastily. I saw, approaching behind him, that there was a giant running our way, emerging from the hallway on the first floor and heading toward the grimy dungeon staircase.


    ¡°To the shadows, milady! Get up!¡± The templar encouraged me.


    I took a deep breath and, inspired by his strong, yet feminine, voice, got to my feet and hid behind a nearby pillar protruding from the wall with the templar.


    The giant ran by us and growled, screaming in a foreign language I didn¡¯t understand when he saw my cage was empty. He then stomped back up the stairs and into the castle hall.


    I was crying with fear and my heart was thumping wildly.


    The templar emerged from the shadows after the giant had gone by and waved for me to follow him into the gigantic castle hall.


    ¡°I have a place for us to hide and rest, princess. We only have to get there¡ªbut we must make haste! The end is coming for us if we do not!¡± The templar encouraged me.


    I followed him as fast as I could down the carpeted and enormous hallway.


    Ah diary. I was so hungry and so frightened that it is difficult for me to recall all the directions we went within the castle. I followed the templar blindly and unthinkingly.


    Every time a giant came down the huge halls, my heart stopped, but the templar knew exactly where to hide and we escaped unnoticed.


    Eventually, we were climbing up more stairs, and I collapsed in exhaustion with the templar whispering at me worriedly. ¡°Don¡¯t give up princess! You have to keep moving!¡±


    But I had no strength left.


    I couldn¡¯t believe how silly I was to believe that a happy ending awaited me. I lost consciousness and assumed we were doomed.


    Tujuheim, 180


    By some miracle, I survived. The templar brought me to a small, crack in the wall where I could rest.


    I arose with difficulty and breathed harshly. I glanced at the templar who had a plate of food for me. I assumed it came from the rucksack he carried on his back.


    ¡°I thought¡­¡± I said, climbing to a sitting position. ¡°I thought you weren¡¯t allowed to touch women¡­?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not. I rolled you up in a sheet and carried you here. You were very heavy, milady, even for one so thin.¡± He said cheerily.


    ¡°I see¡­¡± I replied. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    I was content to die in that cell knowing that no one cared enough to come rescue me. I knew I must have done very bad things to end up where I was.


    But¡­ Oh my. I suddenly felt it again¡ªthat old need to be loved and worshipped as a princess should be! He was very handsome and very pretty and I liked to see his green eyes and those¡­ cute dots on his human face up close?!


    Ah, how insipid of me¡­ He cannot even touch women, not that he would want to touch me anyway. I have proven to be a black creature unworthy of love.


    The moth gods would be repulsed if I loved a creature outside my species, yet here I was pining¡ªif only for a moment.


    But I am tired right now, I shall write again later.

 Chapter 2

    Tujuheim, 180


    I am well enough after resting and eating to continue writing now, diary.


    The templar gave me a plate of food, but I turned my face away from it. ¡°I do not deserve food, good knight. I am still content to die in this castle where I belong. Surely I am as evil and as driven by base instincts as these hideous giants if I was not worthy of rescue¡­¡±


    The templar assured me. ¡°I rescued you, sweet girl. Clearly you are worthy of rescue or God would not have let it happen!¡±


    ¡°Then why was I forced to watch princess after princess get rescued as I was left to rot for eight years!¡± I cried.


    ¡°I¡­ I did not know it had been so long for you¡­¡± The templar consoled me sympathetically. ¡°But there must have been a reason for your suffering. You will find out what it is soon, princess. I am sure of it.¡±


    I did not understand what he meant. ¡°The reason for my suffering is plain; the moth gods have deemed me a passionless and ugly woman and sentenced me to death.¡±


    The templar gazed at me silently for a moment, and then he shoved the plate of food at me. ¡°Your gods may say that you are unworthy, but mine is telling me something else entirely about you.¡±


    His god meant nothing to me, but I asked sarcastically, ¡°oh? What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°That you have a grand purpose worth the price of your suffering¡­¡± He grinned at me reassuringly.


    I looked down. What a nice idea that was¡­ Even if I ultimately thought it silly.


    I gingerly took a piece of cheese from the plate offered to me for the templar¡¯s sake. While I ate I asked, ¡°what is your name, Sir Knight?¡±


    ¡°Caerwyn. What is yours, princess?¡± Caerwyn inquired.


    ¡°Mimi.¡± I replied. ¡°You are¡­¡±


    I looked down shyly while I ate. ¡°You are very¡ªpretty.¡±


    He backed against a wall and sunk to the floor, stretching out his legs in front of him with a little smile. ¡°You think so? I prefer handsome, but I¡¯ll take pretty. That¡¯s usually what everyone calls me.¡±


    I was glad he was receptive of the compliment. I didn¡¯t know how to compliment humans.


    I looked around at our surroundings. This was the type of crack in-the-wall in which rats would lurk in human and moth castles, and I hoped the castle did not have giant rats running about!


    There were certainly cobwebs, but they were moth and human-sized, thankfully. Otherwise, it was just a dirty and dark hole. I was so tired of filth and darkness.


    Tears came unbidden to my eyes when I thought about it. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed for all my lost time.


    ¡°Oh, come now, no tears¡­¡± The templar scooted over to me and reached out a hand to try and comfort me, but withdrew it when he remembered he was not allowed to touch me. ¡°Have courage, princess. Have passion for the fact that you are here. You have been tested and you will be stronger for it.¡±


    I took a moment to dry my eyes and let myself mourn my lost time before I continued eating and asked him, ¡°why did you come here, Caerwyn? Surely it wasn¡¯t for me¡­¡±


    ¡°You are wrong; it was for you. A princess came to our temple and begged us to come rescue you. She told me she had already begged her beloved to rally their army to come get you, but he would not. Not even any of the good templar knights were willing to come but me.¡±


    I sniffled. ¡°I am glad she was kind enough to come get you, but I am heartbroken to hear that no one wanted to come but you¡­¡±


    Caerwyn sat cross-legged and was thinking of something to say to me to make me happy. Instead, he avoided my gaze and told me what he was really thinking.


    ¡°Princess, you must understand, many of our pilgrims come to moth territory on religious journeys and have been killed because of it by your people. I know you are guiltless of any crime, but humans have genuine reason to fear you.¡±


    I wasn¡¯t sympathetic to any pilgrims; I couldn¡¯t be when I had lost so much time at the fault of humans. Any of them could have rescued me, but none did. I had been starved and deprived of any loving contact for eight years. At least those pilgrims died quickly.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    But there was a more pressing question I had.


    ¡°Caerwyn¡­ Why did no moths come to rescue me?¡± I asked him


    At my question, Caerwyn looked at me with his pink skin going white. He looked away. ¡°I do not know, Princess.¡±


    ¡°You lie to me?¡± I asked him. ¡°You are not good at lying, Sir Knight.¡±


    ¡°Ah Princess¡­¡± Caerwyn said with a heavy sigh. ¡°Please do not press me on this...¡±


    I narrowed my oval eyes angrily. ¡°Sir Knight, these are my people. If you know why they did not come, please tell me.¡±


    ¡°I shall tell you when we make it out of here. I promise, and a knight is bound by his word.¡± He assured me.


    I blinked nervously. I didn¡¯t press him; my heart was telling me that I did not want to know the fate of my people. ¡°V-very well¡­¡±


    I ate the whole plate of food and then scooted a little closer to him. He looked visibly uncomfortable and scooted away from me.


    ¡°Why do giants capture princesses anyway¡­?¡± I wondered aloud.


    ¡°I do not know¡­ There is a theory that most humans are uncomfortable with which states that humans were once giants, but slowly changed into intelligent and civilized creatures. They still have a desire to gaze upon pretty women, however.¡± Caerwyn said and winked at me mischievously.


    Oh my! And why shouldn¡¯t he! I am the prettiest and most sought after princess around! I am a sweet and innocent thing that needs rescuing and¡­


    I must stop with my childish and inflated ego... I knew he was just trying to cheer me up and boost my confidence after being rejected by so many men for eight years. I knew now that my girlish dreams were stupid and silly. I had to grow up now. No more daydreaming and unrealistic pursuits.


    ¡°Eat up and rest, Princess, and we will get moving again when you are ready.¡± Caerwyn told me kindly.


    ¡°I am tired of sleeping, Caerwyn.¡± I said to him, finding some amount of courage in my meek and passionless heart. ¡°If we are going to go, we may as well go now. Lead on, Sir Knight.¡±


    I climbed to my feet and fell back down.


    Caerwyn chuckled. ¡°Princess, you must stretch your legs a little more. They haven¡¯t seen much use of late, after all.¡±


    I turned to him and made an accusing face and wanted to order him to help me up, but...


    He could not help me up. He could only encourage me to get up. I had to do this myself. I climbed to my feet again with my vision swimming and walked around. I slowly gained strength as I walked.


    My heart just wasn¡¯t in it, however.


    I thought, once again, of the eight years I missed that I could have spent with my family. I wondered what my little brother was up to¡ªthe precious adorable brown moth!¡ªand father who spoiled me endlessly and told me no mothman was good enough for me, and mother¡­


    Mother was so quiet and so poised. So good at mediating father¡¯s rare fights with kingdoms we were allied with.


    She was a woman filled with quiet passion.


    I lost my courage and strength and fell down again. I hugged my stomach and cried pathetically at my powerlessness. ¡°I am so frightened. I cannot find the strength to stand. I wish to see my family again, but¡­¡±


    The templar knelt by my side. ¡°If you really wanted to see them, you would quit whining and stand. Your family must mean nothing to you if you cannot even find the strength to make it back to them.¡±


    I glared at him and climbed to my feet to prove him wrong.


    I used my hands as leverage and pushed myself to my feet. And suddenly¡­


    I found strength in my legs that I had never found before¡ªeven when I was well and happy¡ªI had a goal. A noble goal I wanted to accomplish that instilled me with power.


    I walked around for a long time in that dusty, gross little hole in the wall, and Caerwyn gave me water when I was finished. I turned to him with a smile and asked, ¡°proof enough for you that I want to see my family?¡±


    Caerwyn returned the smile. ¡°Proof enough, Princess. How about your wings?¡±


    I was curious about them, myself. I jumped into the air and tried to flutter them, but my wings would not budge.


    I had worry buried in the depths of my heart about my wings. They weren¡¯t working at all.


    Caerwyn saw the look of devastation on my face. ¡°Let¡¯s not worry about your wings, Princess. I am sure they are fine. Are you well enough to try to escape?¡±


    I wasn¡¯t listening; something told me my wings were dead and they would never work again.


    ¡°Princess¡­?¡± Caerwyn prompted me.


    I took a deep breath and pushed my worry aside before turning to him determinedly. ¡°I am ready.¡±


    Caerwyn peeped out of the hole we were hiding in and my heart froze as a giant stomped by. I screwed my eyes shut with fear.


    ¡°Be brave, Princess. I need you at your best and finest.¡± Caerwyn encouraged me.


    He gave me no time for doubts; he dashed out of the hole and down the hall when the giant had past by. I was falling behind quickly as I tried to run after him.


    Caerwyn was naturally more in shape than I was.


    We heard another giant approaching around the corner of the hall.


    My heart thudded in my ears and I was a mass of panicked emotions and terror.


    Caerwyn stopped in his tracks and came back to me. ¡°Princess, to the shadows!¡±


    I followed him to the shadows of an open door¡ªwe tucked ourselves between the frame and the wall of the room it was touching.


    From behind the door, I heard the giant stomping down the hall and I hear him stop and sniff in front of the door.


    Caerwyn, who was peeking around the door frame next to me, told me to stand back.


    All I could see was his back, and I closed my eyes in fear. Suddenly, the giant pressed his cheek to the ground and looked under the door. I nearly shrieked as I was met with its ugly, one-eyed face.


    Suddenly, a gigantic hand reached toward Caerwyn and I clapped a hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming.


    ¡°Pretty girl!¡± The giant yelled in Common and cupped him with both hands.


    I cowered further into the corner of the crevasse between the door and the wall as the giant lifted Caerwyn out and continued fawning over his beauty.


    ¡°Prettier than moth girl!¡± The giant exclaimed.


    ¡°Unhand me or I will be forced to act!¡± I heard Caerwyn yell at the top of his lungs.


    I heard the giant¡¯s footsteps thudding recede down the red-carpeted hallway. In a moment, I found courage enough to peek around the door to see the giant heading back toward the dungeon.


    My heart dropped.


    I could do nothing. I was a worthless and silly girl and I was going to let this poor man be caged. I hugged my knees and wept bitterly. I knew I couldn¡¯t escape without him.


    I have no more courage to write right now, diary.

 Chapter 3

    Tujuheim, 180


    My diary! Something wonderful happened!


    I was in the pit of misery when Caerwyn was taken, but he dashed by the door in which I hid behind with giants chasing after him moments later.


    After they all ran by the door, I found courage enough to nervously step out from my hiding place and follow after Caerwyn and the entourage chasing him.


    I followed far enough behind that they would not see me, but close enough that I would not lose sight of them.


    I followed them down many halls until I was too tired to go any further and had to take refuge in a shadow cast by a pillar to my right.


    ¡°Princess, it¡¯s me!¡±


    I jumped in fear but was nearly in tears with relief when I saw it was only Caerwyn who was already taking refuge in the shadows. I nearly threw my arms around him, but I remembered his rule, and I refrained.


    ¡°You¡¯re alright! Thank the gods!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°How did you escape?¡±


    ¡°It matters not at the moment! Let us make haste! The entrance is just around the corner!¡± Caerwyn told me cheerfully.


    To think I was so close to freedom after being kept prisoner for so long!


    I took a right with Caerwyn down the hall and saw, in the distance, two gigantic double doors that were slightly ajar. Just enough for a tiny moth and human to fit through.


    We ran for what felt like minutes due to the hall¡¯s large size.


    Behind us, I heard feet shaking the hall. There was a giant behind us, but whether he saw us, I did not know. Regardless, I sped my shaky legs up as much as I could muster.


    Caerwyn dashed through the opening first with me following after.


    I fell to my knees when the breeze of the outdoors hit my face and blew my ivory fur about in the wind.


    What a magnificent sight to behold!


    Wind whistled through the nearby tree leaves that were quite small in comparison to the giants¡¯ castle, and the clear blue sky was dotted with white clouds and there was nothing but rolling green for miles around.


    ¡°I have taken all this for granted¡­!¡± I wiped my tearful eyes.


    ¡°We must go, Princess!¡± Caerwyn interrupted my revelry.


    Caerwyn had a piebald and a brown horse stationed in the shade of the grove of trees to our left. A young man was standing next to the brown horse and tending to its needs. He looked to be about fifteen-years-old and had red hair and blue eyes.


    Moths never rode horses¡­ We had wings. What a trying experience this would be.


    Caerwyn mounted his steed and the young man next to the brown horse turned to me and said, ¡°hello, milady. My name is Terry, and I have not taken my final vows yet, so you may touch me. Hope on the back of the horse, please.¡±


    Suddenly, the horse looked very tall.


    ¡°Come on, Princess. If you escaped the castle, you can mount a horse! Just put your foot in the stirrup there!¡± Caerwyn encouraged me.


    I gulped and gingerly lifted a heeled foot into the stirrup. Terry yanked my hand and helped me up. ¡°Hold on tight, milady.¡±


    I wrapped my arms around his stomach and he followed Caerwyn as the older man spurred his horse forward with his heels.


    I closed my eyes out of fear and let them take me wherever they may.


    It was foolish to close my eyes to the beautiful world after missing it for so long, but gods help me, my diary! I was scared for my life upon the death trap that was a horse. Wind whipped my face and sucked the air out of my lungs and I imagined that we might hit something as Terry rode. Luckily, we did not.


    I opened my eyes in a moment, however, and saw we were heading away from my home kingdom of Nui.


    ¡°Sir Knight! We are heading away from my kingdom! We must head in the opposite direction!¡±


    Caerwyn didn¡¯t look me in the eye as he yelled over the trampling of the horses, ¡°it would be better for you to come with us!¡±This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°What in the world are you talking about, Sir Knight? I wish to be with my family! Do not abscond with me!¡± I said angrily¡ªalthough I admit I was rather flattered that he wanted to kidnap me?!--I was stunned that such a gentleman should wish to take me away from my family!


    Caerwyn halted his horse altogether and Terry followed suite.


    He looked down and avoided my gaze as he took a deep breath. His face was thoughtful and consternated. ¡°Princess¡­¡±


    My heart dropped. It couldn¡¯t be. My kingdom was happy and thriving when I was captured.


    ¡°Your kingdom¡­ Your people¡ªall of them¡ªthey¡¯re gone.¡± He said uneasily.


    I felt dizzy¡ªmy heart was thumping¡ªI nearly fell off my horse. I took a deep breath with tears in my eyes. ¡°Gone?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re¡ªdead. I¡¯m sorry, Princess.¡± Caerwyn told me sympathetically.


    I sniffled bitterly. ¡°You lie! This is some kind of human trick! If they are dead, show me! Take me to my kingdom and let me see for myself! Otherwise I will assume you are ransoming me to my father!¡±


    Caerwyn turned to me and told me fiercely, ¡°Princess, your kingdom is rubble! Humans have taken it over! If you go there, you will surely be killed!¡±


    I shook my head in disbelief. ¡°I shall walk on foot if you will not take me!¡±


    ¡°What he says is true, Princess. You must come seek refuge in Caerwyn¡¯s temple.¡± Terry insisted.


    ¡°I will not! Take me home, you dastards! Take me home now!¡± I demanded.


    Caerwyn dismounted and strolled over to Terry¡¯s horse. He placed his hands next to one of mine and stared me down determinedly. ¡°Princess, you must listen to me. You will die if you go to your kingdoms. Humans hate you; they will kill you. You must believe me when I tell you that all moth kingdoms are taken over¡ªthere is nowhere for you to go but with me. Please, do not be foolish. Do not throw your life away.¡±


    ¡°And why should you even care? You hate me as much as they do, don¡¯t you? Because I worship different gods than you? How can I ever trust that you aren¡¯t tricking and trapping me?¡± I tried to dismount, but my foot got caught and twisted in the stirrup and I fell to the grass with a grunt of fear.


    Caerwyn was at my side. ¡°Princess, please¡­ I know you have no reason to trust me. Please believe me when I say I harbor no ill will toward you or moths in general. In fact, I very much like your spunk. What would it take to get you to believe me?¡±


    I looked him in the eyes intently, but I had no answer for him. I had to be shown.


    He unsheathed his blade. He held it out to me. ¡°If I am lying, you may strike me down.¡±


    When he held it out to me, my chest heaved as I took heavy and uncomfortable breaths. My hands hovered nervously over his sword for a moment before I remembered how furious I was at him, humans, and the whole nasty world.


    I took the sword from him and held it against his neck.


    My hands tightened on the handle of his sword with pent up rage. Here was a member of the species that had supposedly killed mine.


    Yes, Daddy had told me all about the bad blood between humans and moths long ago. I rarely listened closely because I was a silly girl who just wanted to be happily married, but I remembered what he said.


    ¡°Mimi, humans are repulsive creatures. They worship one God instead of many and they repulse magic and magical creatures like us. They send pilgrims to our lands and those who they successfully convert are sold to human nobility and kept as slaves. You see how wretched they are? Think keeping slaves is acceptable. What base beasts--not to mention they let their women fight in their wars and send their boys to work before they are even adults. If you come across a human, my dear. You must either fight or run.¡±


    That was what he said.


    And here I was. I could either fight him or run. I drew the blade closer to his neck.


    But¡­ But he had put his life down for me. When I looked into this man¡¯s green eyes, they told me he meant me no harm. I got the sense that he liked me and cared whether I lived or died. He was not like the rest of the humans.


    My expression softened and I slowly drew the sword away from his neck. I let my arms fall lank at my side as I took a deep breath. In a moment, I handed his sword back to him.


    He took it back and stood up. ¡°Thank you, Princess. Will you come with me?¡±


    I burst into full tears and sank to my knees. I was fully hysterical. ¡°They¡¯re all dead!¡±


    Caerwyn turned to Terry. ¡°She needs a moment. Let¡¯s stop here. We should make a fire. Night is falling.¡±


    Terry nodded and went to go find wood.


    I couldn¡¯t stop my wretched tears or my childish sobbing. Caerwyn reached out to me, wanting to comfort me, but withdrew his hand as usual.


    _


    How does is feel like to lose your whole species in one fell swoop? How does it feel to have to take refuge with the people who killed them? It¡¯s indescribable.


    It makes you nervous to the point where you don¡¯t want to talk. It makes you shake with sadness when you think of all the people who showered you with love and kisses are gone. It makes you burn with rage at the people who took them away. It makes you want to hurt them where you never would have had such violent feelings in the past.


    More than any of that, however, there is a pervading sense of pointlessness and loneliness that you just can¡¯t shake, and a never ending want to join the ones you loved in the sky.


    The thing about being a creature of intelligence, however, is that you always have a need to cling to life even when there¡¯s nothing to live for.


    _


    ¡°Tell me why you humans would do such a thing?¡± I demanded when I woke in the middle of the night and saw Caerwyn gazing into the fire. ¡°And how?¡±


    Caerwyn met my gaze and told me, ¡°it was a strange phenomenon, Princess. Four years ago, the king of Lowen decided he wanted to wage full-out war on the nearby moth kingdom of Gracet to the north. But¡­¡±


    I waited for him to continue with a face that was not impressed. ¡°But what¡­?¡±


    ¡°He¡­ He had black magic in his eyes. Nobody else could see it but me. He used that magic to bring a thunder bolt down from the sky and strike a mighty blow to Gracet. Half the moths died right then and there was no hope for them when the humans invaded. Similar things happened to human kings all around the world until every moth kingdom within four years was obliterated. All that¡¯s left of your people is you and the few moth slaves humans kept.


    I screwed my eyes shut with more tears springing from my eyes. I was filled with such loathing and hatred and bitterness. I sobbed hideously again.


    Caerwyn knew I did not want to speak any more of the virtual extinction of my species. He just looked into the fire, and I was surprised to see tears spring to his eyes.


    He cared.


    That meant a lot to me. At least someone did.


    But I am exhausted and I will write again later, my diary.

 Chapter 4

    Tujuheim 180


    I am sorry I have not written for two weeks, my diary. I am struggling with so many emotions. I find it hard to speak most of the time, and most of the talking is done by Caerwyn and his squire, Terry.


    Terry is a very talkative boy¡ªlike I was when I was first captured¡ªand I longed for a time when I was his age and living happily with my family. He gossiped and had high hopes for the future just like I did, although his hopes were very different from what mine once were.


    ¡°Did you hear about the King in Lowen''s daughter¡­?¡± Terry asked Caerwyn as they took a break to water their horses in a spring we had come across. ¡°Word has it that she¡¯s in love with a shepherd boy!¡±


    ¡°Terry, you should know better than to spread idle gossip!¡± Caerwyn chuckled a little and noticed me, hunched over and sitting cross-legged by myself on the other side of the spring. ¡°Can you give us a moment, Terry?¡±


    I heard Terry answer him from where I was sitting. ¡°Uh, sure¡­¡±


    I heard Caerwyn gently stroll through the long grass to my side as I stared listlessly ahead. He crouched down and said, ¡°you¡¯re so quiet¡­¡±


    I didn¡¯t answer him, and I didn''t look his way.


    ¡°I have something for you, Princess.¡± Caerwyn said cheerfully.


    He sat in front of me and took off a lovely necklace that was hidden under his white mantle. ¡°It was my sister¡¯s.¡±


    The necklace was made of gold and had a big sapphire in the shape of a star hanging from it. Caerwyn fastened it around my neck silently¡ªalways being careful not to touch me¡ªand then told me with a grin. ¡°Look how pretty you are¡­¡±


    I glanced at him briefly, and then looked down at the beautiful necklace. ¡°Sir Knight, I cannot take such a precious thing from you¡­ And please stop flattering me. I know I am ugly to you. I am not sure I was ever pretty at all.¡±


    ¡°I am being truthful. If I weren''t, a knight''s honor would dictate that I would have fallen off my horse by now! And besides¡­ My sister would want you to have it. The necklace provides protection for the poor souls in the world who have been unduly wronged. It has saved me in many a battle.¡± Caerwyn explained. ¡°It has been blessed by priests.¡±Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators!


    I examined the pretty sapphire intently and then asked, ¡°you must have been the son of a nobleman to be able to afford such a treasure.¡±


    Caerwyn shook his head with a smile. ¡°No, my sister stole the precious thing from a rich woman who taunted us when we lived on the streets.¡±


    I pulled my knees up to my chest. ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­ How did she¡­?¡±


    ¡°Lack of food.¡± Caerwyn told me. ¡°But she was a brave and kind lady¡­ Like you.¡±


    I blushed a little and avoided his gaze. ¡°You must stop flattering me¡­ Besides, I am a stupid coward. I would never have escaped without your help.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re wrong; you needed so much courage to lift yourself up out of despair and escape. Especially considering I could not even assist you by touching you!¡± He exclaimed heartily.


    We were both silent for a time as a cold wind rustled through the grass. I wished I could have enjoyed it more, but I couldn¡¯t with such a heavy heart.


    ¡°Why¡­ Why aren¡¯t you allowed to touch me¡ªor, women, rather?¡± I asked him.


    ¡°Because it keeps me a happy and moral creature and brings me closer to God.¡± He explained enigmatically.


    I giggled a little. ¡°That sounds like the opposite of my religion! I was to be one of the many wives of a king!¡±


    He couldn¡¯t help but let an expression of disgust escape his face. ¡°To think you, such a pretty and precious lady should be treated in such a way! I am glad I rescued you from such a fate!¡±


    I was confused. ¡°It is a great honor to be one of the many wives of a king...¡±


    Caerwyn said nothing¡ªclearly not wishing to offend me¡ªand then he stood up. ¡°Come on Princess. We should get moving.¡±


    We rejoined Terry who was sitting next to the horses and looking dreadfully bored. I giggled a little. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Terry.¡±


    Terry stood up eagerly. ¡°It is no problem, Princess! I''m just glad to hear you laughing!¡¯


    I said nothing, but a frown returned to my face. What an insult to my people it was to be smiling in the face of their demise.


    I hopped on the back of Terry¡¯s horse and we rode off again.


    Time passed, and I ever sank into thoughts of my precious family.


    Particularly, my little brother, Kieran. He was so young to have lost his life. He adored me, and I liked to teach him things my tutor taught me. I taught him big words, mathematics, and writing. For fun, I told him exactly how a princess like myself was supposed to act, and he thought it sounded horrible. I did too.


    ¡°You must always sit with your ankles crossed so no one can see your undergarments, you must only have two meals a day, and you must eat like a bird and not a pig, and lastly, you must learn to sew!¡± I remembered telling him.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯ll ever be able to stop eating like a pig, Mimi.¡± My brother joked.


    His response set me to giggling and was a happy memory in the eight years I was held captive.


    I had fourteen half brothers and sisters, and I didn¡¯t know why I clicked with Kieran more than the others, but I did. What a sweetheart he was.


    I would not disgrace his memory by acting happy. I must always be a woman of quiet passion like mother and honor his death by tears and silence.

 Chapter 5

    I had zoned out while we were wordlessly riding through endless green lands until I was brought back to reality with Caerwyn announcing that we were fast approaching the border of the human kingdom of Ironwall, which Caerwyn hailed from. The first town on the border of Ironwall was fast coming into view, and before I knew it, Caerwyn was pulling back on the reins of his horse and we came to a halt before entering the border town. Caerwyn said, ¡°we must hide your face for now, Princess.¡±


    I knew why; the humans therein might hurt me. Terry took off the cloak he was wearing and handed it to me. I hooked the clasp at my neck and put up the hood . I tucked my four arms neatly into the cloak before Caerwyn set his horse to riding again.


    ¡°We shall find you an inn and a bath, Princess, along with good food.¡± Caerwyn promised me.


    I nodded silently and worriedly. The promise of a bath at the moment was the kindest promise someone could make me. I did not want to bathe in the spring earlier nor in any water that wasn¡¯t in a tub. It was just one of my eccentricities.


    ¡°We¡¯ll protect you, Princess.¡± Terry reassured me.


    That didn¡¯t stop my heart from pounding or my hands from trembling.


    Human towns were not situated on the branches of gigantic trees like moth towns were¡ªthey were on the ground, but about the same size. Many of the houses were humble and had thatched roofs--they seemed to be made out of poor material, indicating that this was a poorer town. The ground was cobblestone, and the sound of our horses¡¯ feet clopping through it echoed ominously and loudly as we rode through the newly oncoming rain.


    There were a few humans about who eyed us curiously, wondering what hurry we must be in to be riding horses through town, but thankfully none of them got a good look at my face.


    Soon enough, Caerwyn arrived at the inn¡ªwhich Caerwyn informed me was a place for humans to stop and rest--and gave his piebald and brown horses to a stable boy for the sum of a copper.


    Caerwyn turned to me. ¡°Keep that cloak on tight, and keep your face down, Princess.¡±


    I nodded. My body was numb with terror.This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    Caerwyn entered the inn and approached the man behind the counter determinedly.


    Around us were men stinking of beer and tasteless women sitting on their laps. I never wanted to be in such a disgusting place.


    I followed Caerwyn closely and kept my head down as instructed.


    ¡°Hello, miss¡­¡± The land lord began to address Caerwyn, but realized he was not speaking to a woman and was instead speaking to a templar. ¡°Hello, sir knight. Surely we can put you all up for free for the good work you do.¡±


    ¡°Thank you very much.¡± Caerwyn replied. ¡°A separate room for the lady, please.¡±


    The land lord looked directly at me curiously. ¡°Why is she hiding her face like that¡­?¡±


    ¡°You know how dangerous it is for women out there. She had to travel for a time, away from her family, and had to keep herself safe. Now, if you please, the keys to our rooms.¡± Caerwyn held out his hand impatiently.


    The land lord was still trying to get a good look at my face, but, as he honored the templar knights who were guarding me and assumed they wouldn¡¯t harbor any moths, he gave Caerwyn the keys reluctantly. ¡°The two last rooms at the end of the hall.¡±


    Caerwyn turned to Terry. ¡°Order us some food, please.¡±


    Terry nodded uneasily. Caerwyn led me up the stairs and opened the last door at the end of the hall for me. I walked in nervously.


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell the landlord to fill up the tub with hot water for you, and then you should get some sleep,¡± Caerwyn told me as I sat on the comfortable bed and he turned to leave.


    ¡°Wait! Hold on!¡± I said before he left. ¡°Come sit with me, just for a moment.¡±


    Caerwyn looked incredibly nervous and reticent. I was pushing at the boundaries of his vows, but he nonetheless sat next to me on the bed.


    ¡°Are they really going to kill me if they find I am a moth?¡± I asked him, hanging my head worriedly.


    ¡°They will kill you or enslave you, Princess. You must tread very carefully. I will do my utmost to protect you, but I cannot guarantee your safety.¡± The templar advised me solemnly.


    I nodded and was silent for a moment. ¡°You never told me how you escaped the giants¡­¡±


    Caerwyn turned to me with a little smile. ¡°I forgot to tell you¡­ There are things people like me can do that others cannot. Something called Tempral Light. It is a gift from God.¡±


    ¡°What is it? Magic?¡± I asked.


    ¡°No, not magic, dear Princess! It is just a gift. It allows me to open a heaven-made door, but I never know where the door will lead me.¡± Caerwyn explained. ¡°I cannot always create it, either. It comes and goes¡­¡±


    I looked into his eyes searchingly. ¡°I¡­ Do not understand. Such a power must come from magic.¡±


    Caerwyn shook his head. ¡°You must not doubt, Princess.¡±


    Caerwyn stood up, then, and I very much did not want him to go. ¡°Please stay¡­ I don''t wish to be alone.¡±


    ¡°Do not fear, Princess. Remember, you are here for a reason. Tuck yourself under your blankets while the maids fill up your bathtub.¡± Caerwyn told me firmly.


    I obeyed, shivering in fear the entire time while the two female maids filled up the tub in my room with hot water. One wrong move, and I would get myself killed.


    I must stop writing for now, and ready myself for the future.

 Chapter 6

    Tujuheim 180


    I submerged myself in the warm water the maids poured into the bathtub with a sigh. Despite being terrified, I couldn¡¯t help but enjoy the bath thoroughly. Eight years of filth melted off me and I relaxed for a moment. The things I had always taken for granted before I was captured... This bath was bliss.


    I wondered, for a moment, why no mothmen had come to rescue me. Caerwyn told me my species had been virtually exterminated, but that was just four years ago. Why had they not come in any of the four years before they had been killed? Did they really not care enough to come get me? Was I just another daughter to my father who was married to many women and had fourteen children with?


    I cried stupidly and pitied myself endlessly. I should be weeping for my people, not myself, but here I was, being a selfish girl, as usual.


    I climbed out of the bath after a moment with pathetic tears rolling down my cheeks and grabbed the rag left behind by the maids, drying myself bitterly.


    Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and Caerwyn asked, ¡°may I come in?¡±


    I was in my fifteen-year-old, moth girl mindset. It was not shameful or embarrassing for anyone to see moths under the age of eighteen bathing in my culture. I turned toward the door and called, ¡°come in!¡±


    Caerwyn opened the door, carrying a plate of food and was thoroughly embarrassed to see me naked. ¡°I am sorry, Princess! I-I shall leave your dinner on the floor!¡±


    He placed the food on the floor and ran out. I blinked twice, unashamed, and then sat on the floor and stuffed my face like pig with the human food.


    ¡°This is so good!¡± I said to myself.


    Moths only ate fruits and vegetables; we didn¡¯t eat things like cheeses and meats. I stopped eating for a moment and wondered whether it was okay to be eating such things in my religion. Daddy told me certain foods were off-limits, but I couldn¡¯t remember which. Being my normal, careless and passionless self, however, I couldn¡¯t bring myself to care. I ate the whole plate and then tucked myself under the blankets and hardly slept a wink. The fear of being found out pervaded my thoughts ceaselessly.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Cloudy sunlight seeped in through the open window and awakened me. I nervously hopped out of bed and quickly put on the filthy dress I had been wearing for the past eight years, and then slipped on the cloak Terry had given me¡ªfastening it closely about my neck to hide my face¡ªand lastly, I dashed out the door and knocked on Caerwyn¡¯s until he opened it while rubbing the sleep from his eyes.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go, Caerwyn, I¡¯m scared¡­¡± I begged fearfully.


    ¡°Alright; I¡¯ll get Terry.¡± He told me and closed the door.


    I waited outside, tapping my heeled foot nervously.


    My heart dropped in terror when I saw the land lord walking up the stairs along with two men dressed in armor and carrying spears. They must have been the town guards. I hurriedly walked back to my door when the land lord addressed me.


    ¡°What are you doing up so early, miss?¡± The land lord asked me before I could open the door.


    ¡°I am eager to be going, sir.¡± I told him earnestly.


    ¡°Why should you be?¡± The man asked curiously. ¡°There¡¯s plenty of fun for such a beautiful like you to have in an inn like this. Unless your face tells me something else¡­¡±


    I opened the door to my room with trembling hands and locked it from the inside.


    ¡°Do you think I¡¯m stupid? I don¡¯t know why those templars are harboring you, but you must be an escaped moth slave to be hiding your face like that.¡± The land lord said through my door.


    I knocked on the wall of my room that was joined by Caerwyn¡¯s with tears in my eyes. ¡°Caerwyn help me! Please hurry!¡±


    The armored men broke the door down and one of them seized my arm roughly.


    ¡°Help me, please!¡± I screamed as my hood fell backwards and revealed my face.


    The armored man tied my wrists together with rope and was hauling me away. I tearfully cried out for the templar again, and then suddenly, my captor fell over and Caerwyn stood behind him with his sword in hand.


    Terry was fighting the other armored man in the hall¡ªand losing¡ªbut Caerwyn joined him in a moment and the two easily overcame the armored guard and knocked him out.


    The land lord was already running down the stairs and Caerwyn turned to me sternly and said, ¡°put your hood back up; he¡¯s going to get more guards. Let¡¯s get out of here.¡±

 Chapter 7

    I put my hood up and followed Caerwyn down the stairs, through the dining room, and out the door of the inn. Outside, it was still raining and Caerwyn hurriedly picked up our horses from the stable boy next to the inn.


    In the distance, mounted knights were already heading toward us. The landlord must have warned them there was an escaped moth slave.


    I climbed on the horse behind Terry and he told me, ¡°hang on tight, Princess.¡±


    I nodded silently and we set off at a breakneck speed toward the knights who were fast approaching. I closed my eyes like the coward I was and all I could hear was yelling and horses stomping through the oncoming rain.


    I heard Caerwyn grunt and swords clang followed by a thud. I worried about him as Terry seemed to be ploughing ahead and leaving him behind.


    Terry stalled the horse for a moment and then yelled, ¡°Caerwyn! Hurry! More are coming!¡±


    ¡°Keep going! I¡¯ll catch up!¡± Caerwyn replied as I heard more swords clanging.


    He might have been relying on that door of his and his tempral light, and I worried about him endlessly. I couldn''t believe he would bet his life on something that he couldn''t rely upon at all times.


    Terry obeyed like a good squire, however, and I felt him set his horse to sprinting again.


    I dared to open my eyes and look behind us to see Caerwyn battling six guards at once. His horse lay dead beside him and he cut through a horse¡¯s leg and quickly thereafter blocked a sword blow from another knight.


    Just as one of the knights was poised to strike Caerwyn¡¯s shoulder, he reached out with his free hand and traced a door with his finger pointer finger in the air.


    I looked away¡ªI didn¡¯t wish to see him die when the door didn¡¯t appear for him. I sniffled bitterly.


    I looked forward. We were almost out of the small town and onto the grassy plains surrounding it, but there were still three mounted knights chasing us.


    Terry spurred his horse faster and the horse leapt off the cobblestone and onto the grassy plain.


    It was freezing¡ªespecially with the rain ever falling and dampening my fur which now felt like a wet blanket. I tightened my arms closely about Terry for warmth.


    Suddenly, the horse whinnied when an arrow struck its hind-quarters. I glanced backward and saw that one of the mounted knights behind us had an arrow nocked to his bow.Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    Two more arrows met their mark on the horse''s rear and it toppled over with me squealing in fear and Terry grunting. I took a fall and bruised my hip.


    Terry was on his feet and he unsheathed his blade. ¡°Run, Princess.¡±


    I sobbed in terror. ¡°What about you?¡±


    ¡°Caerwyn told me to defend you so that''s what I''ll do. Get to our temple and tell them what happened.¡± Terry demanded.


    The mounted knights were fast approaching and I sorrowfully began running¡ªstill not understanding why I clung to life when I had no one left to cling to life for¡ªI looked back to see Terry dodging an oncoming arrow. One of the mounted knights rode toward Terry at full speed with his spear poised to strike. I closed my eyes with a scream, but--


    A golden door appeared in the air and Caerwyn fell through it with his blade ready. He blocked the blow for Terry as he fell on all fours to the ground.


    Caerwyn sliced through the horse¡¯s legs which carried the spear-knight and the knight clattered to the grass in his heavy armor. He seized the spear which the knight had dropped while simultaneously dodging another arrow and blocking a blow from the third mounted knight who swung at him with a sword.


    Terry, who the knights had forgotten about, aimed his sword and tossed it at the bow-knight in the distance. It met its mark and the bow-knight went down. His horse ran off.


    Caerwyn, in the meanwhile, easily dispatched the spear-knight by finding the chinks in his armor, and then stabbed the sword-knight in the heart with the spear, using its length to his advantage. Caerwyn let the horse which was carrying the sword-knight go free. It galloped away quickly.


    With all the knights dispatched, Caerwyn made sure we were both okay.


    First Caerwyn turned to his squire and made sure he was unharmed¡ªTerry was looking at Caerwyn in amazement¡ªand I heard him reply to Caerwyn, ¡°I¡¯m okay¡­¡±


    After that, the two jogged over to me and Caerwyn examined me carefully. ¡°Are you well, Princess?¡±


    I was gazing at him in wonder as rain drenched his yellow hair. I looked down, feeling like I didn¡¯t deserve the magical protection Caerwyn had to offer me. This wonderful, light, and gold-hearted person, sweet as a woman and strong as a man, seemed to be sent from the moth gods themselves to safeguard me. I felt small and insignificant when I was faced with him and wondered why he should waste his time protecting me.


    ¡°I am well¡­¡± I replied. ¡°I didn¡¯t know they would be so aggressive in pursuing me¡­¡±


    ¡°Moth slaves are very useful to them, Princess. Many of you are blessed with magic, and magic is a very useful thing to own.¡± Caerwyn explained to me solemnly.


    ¡°But... I have never been prone to magic.¡± I replied quietly. ¡°My mother is the one who had powerful magic.¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter to them, Princess. To them, you are just a moth, and all they see when they look at you is power that they can control.¡±


    Caerwyn looked up at the rainy sky. ¡°We have to get moving. They will send word to the next town we travel through that there is a moth slave on the loose.¡±


    Caerwyn threw up his hood, and Terry trailed behind him.


    I put up my own hood and hugged my stomach for warmth, speeding up and walking next to Caerwyn and his squire.


    ¡°Caerwyn¡­ Thank you for doing all this for me.¡± I told him sincerely. ¡°I do not know why I am still here, but your faith that there¡¯s a reason for it makes me¡­ Makes me feel worthwhile.¡±


    Caerwyn turned to me with his gentle smile and nodded. ¡°You are welcome, but you give yourself too little credit. You are here, Princess, because you still have a passion for living despite everything. That is a beautiful thing.¡±


    I felt warm despite the rain; was this very pretty and golden man flirting with me? Why should he give me so many compliments and devote himself to my safety otherwise?? Ah! What a black creature I am! I should not pine after a human.


    I shall write again later.

 Chapter 8

    Tujuheim, 180


    We walked through the cold rain in silence. Worry was heavy on all our hearts, and we were all sick and tired of the rain as we walked for hours. If only the horses hadn¡¯t been killed.


    Being the impatient girl that I was (albeit very sweet and adorable, as Daddy would often tell me) I turned to Caerwyn and asked him while shivering, ¡°Caerwyn, when is the next town?¡±


    ¡°About a day away, and then seven more days to the templar temple and the city. You¡¯ll be well taken care of when we arrive, Princess.¡± Caerwyn promised. He turned to me and saw me shivering and frowning. ¡°You poor thing¡­¡±


    He smiled and undid his cloak. He wrapped it around me with a flourish¡ªstill careful not to touch me.


    I shook my head. ¡°I-I¡¯m fine. I have Terry¡¯s already.¡±


    ¡°Such kindness for humble peasants! You need not be so proud, Princess. You deserve it the most. You are an innocent and delicate thing!¡± Caerwyn exclaimed, flattering me the way I liked to be flattered.


    How he made my heart skip! For his sake, I tightened the cloak around myself.


    ¡°If you two are done flirting,¡± Terry interrupted jokingly, ¡°there¡¯s a farmhouse up on that hill¡­ Do you think it¡¯s too risky to visit, Caerwyn?¡±


    Caerwyn looked up at the humble farmhouse thoughtfully. He shook his head.¡°It would be worth it just to take refuge from the rain¡­ And we can avoid the next town coming up that way as well. We must be ready to run if the guards follow us, however.¡±


    Caerwyn hiked up the gentle hill with us in tow. Being thin and emaciated, it was a hard climb for me. I got dizzy halfway up and collapsed, breathing harshly as my vision swam. Terry offered me a hand, and I took it.


    ¡°Caerwyn,¡± I asked. ¡°Why can¡¯t you simply lie and say I am your slave?¡±


    ¡°They would see through that ruse, Princess. Templars are not allowed to have slaves.¡± Caerwyn explained.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I replied. I was learning new things by the minute, it seemed.


    I made sure to hide my face within my cloak again so whoever answered the door would not see that I was a moth.


    Caerwyn knocked on the door of the farmhouse and a pregnant woman opened it; she was accompanied by a few rowdy human children pulling at her skirts.


    ¡°Can I help you mi¡ªSir Knight? We would be glad to give you shelter for the night with all the good work you do.¡± The pregnant woman offered, mistaking Caerwyn¡¯s gender at a glance. I was becoming accustomed to that.


    ¡°That sounds lovely. Would you mind helping this kind lady as well? She is on a pilgrimage and would like to take refuge with you.¡± Caerwyn pleaded hopefully.Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    The pregnant woman eyed me curiously, but then agreed. The three of us piled into the house and Caerwyn made my excuses to the woman immediately. ¡°The lady here is very tired and would like to get some rest. You wouldn¡¯t mind if she ate away from us, would you?¡±


    The pregnant woman shook her head and showed me to a guest room with a single cot. She returned sometime later with a hearty meal on a plate and then left me to my own devices.


    I was severely exhausted both physically and mentally. I allowed myself to think of my family again and I burst into tears. After a good cry, I fell right to sleep.


    _


    I don¡¯t wish to put any more thoughts down about my family right now! Whenever I consider all the time I lost with them--whenever I consider their deaths I just¡­!


    I am so angry and resentful towards humans that I have thought of slitting Caerwyn¡¯s throat in his sleep!


    But he is too sweet, too golden¡­ I can take no satisfaction in hurting such a bright man.


    I am helpless. I can do nothing to ensure a safe future for myself. Moth girls are not trained in the art of fighting like the male moths were. I had nothing but female graces as my defense, and I had a feeling they would get me nowhere.


    __


    Thankfully, the next morning, we were not caught by any human guards. The friendly pregnant woman and her family sent us on our way and foisted food upon us for the road. They were all overly charmed by Terry, but even more so by Caerwyn, who they tried to convince to stay.


    ¡°Please stay, Sir Knight! You will be well taken care of and we will pay you for protecting our cattle from predators!¡± Begged the pregnant woman¡¯s husband.


    ¡°I am sorry; I am sworn to a higher cause. Thank you all so much.¡± Caerwyn bowed gratefully and took his leave with me and Terry in tow.


    As usual, I was silent as the three of us walked along, clasping the precious sapphire Caerwyn had given me tightly in my fist.


    ¡°What a meal that was!¡± Terry exclaimed. ¡°And how nice it was to have a warm bed with little worry!¡±


    ¡°I am sorry Terry; I wish I didn¡¯t drag you along on this venture.¡± Caerwyn apologized.


    ¡°I wanted to go, Caerwyn. You¡¯re not just my knight, you¡¯re my best friend!¡± Terry replied cheerfully.


    Caerwyn put a hand on his friend¡¯s shoulder gratefully. ¡°You¡¯ll be a fine templar, Terry.¡±


    I watched them jealously. They had a bond; the type of bond that was robbed from me. Here they were ignoring me and my suffering and only thinking of themselves! What spiteful and vindictive creatures humans were!


    I spoke up, wishing to offend Caerwyn in a subtle way, ¡°Caerwyn, I thought it was just me that thought you looked like a woman, and only because we are different species. But even humans seem to have trouble telling you whether you are male or female! How embarrassing that must be!¡±


    ¡°Yes, Princess¡­¡± He said with some embarrassment and a fallen look on his face.


    What was I thinking turning this golden man blue¡­?


    I felt very guilty. He took my veiled insult to heart.I shouldn''t have said what I did; I was feeling reckless and impulsive.


    ¡°In truth, Princess, I am a eunuch.¡± He said with some difficulty.


    Terry was stunned and he barely kept from exclaiming something in shock. He looked away. ¡°I¡­ I did not know, Caerwyn¡­¡±


    I looked at them both in confusion as we walked along. ¡°I don¡¯t understand¡­ What''s a eunuch?¡±


    Caerwyn would not look at me. ¡°A defective male.¡±


    I still did not know what he meant, but I told him honestly, ¡°but you are not defective! You are very effective! Why, you rescued me where no other man even dared to!¡±


    Caerwyn looked at me in surprise for a moment, and then his look of surprise melted into a golden smile. ¡°You are too sweet, Princess. In truth, it isn¡¯t all that bad. The door I made earlier¡ªit is something only me and people like me are blessed with. There are¡­ cruel people out there, but their cruelty has a purpose.¡±


    Terry was looking down, not knowing what to say. I wondered what a eunuch was, but I didn¡¯t want to embarrass him further.

 Chapter 9

    We travelled for seven more days, resting in whatever safe and comfortable place we could find. Caerwyn decided it was best for us to go around the upcoming town and then head straight to the city to avoid another confrontation with armed guards.


    We slept in caves or in groves of trees; whatever place soldiers wouldn''t guess to look.


    Along the way, Caerwyn and Terry taught me how to make a fire. How frustrating it was! It fizzled out the first few times for me as I rubbed two sticks together! Eventually, however, I got the hang of it, and both Caerwyn and Terry were proud of me.


    It was raining furiously as we travelled, and it made me feel so blue. Even bluer than I already felt. I was nervous and lonely, and my heart was thumping as I reminded myself I was an outsider travelling with humans who may not have my best interests at heart. I suddenly became paranoid that they would enslave me and use me for their own devices. Why else would they be helping me, after all?


    I subconsciously clasped the necklace at my throat, however, and realized that I was being ridiculous. This man who had given me such a precious and personal gift would never enslave me. And even if he would, I was entirely dependent on his kindness. I could go nowhere else.


    Regardless, we eventually arrived at Ironwall castle early in the morning within a week. It was surrounded by a mote, but luckily the drawbridge was down and unattended at the moment.


    We walked into the gigantic human city silently--past the two guards at the entrance who recognized Caerwyn and let him past.


    I was worried. There were so many humans about... It felt like all eyes were on me.


    Ironwall was a mix of ugly and beautiful; the ivory castle in the distance was gorgeous with its stylish spires jutting into the sky and its verdant flag with an orange stag stitched into it being flown from each of the spires.


    The many houses in front of us, however, were very ugly. Smoke belched from the ceilings and made me feel queasy, and they were all an ugly gray color. Moths didn¡¯t like that color.


    ¡°Almost there, Princess.¡± Caerwyn said to me with a grin.


    I was glad. I was hoping for a hot meal, a bath, new clothes, and a comfortable place to sleep for the night.


    I kept close to Terry and Caerwyn as we walked through the loud and bustling city.This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.


    I noticed a young woman whispering to her male friend as they picked out a piece of meat from a vendor. They glanced at me, and then at each other.


    There were armored guards nearby who noticed the woman pointing at me and their gaze met mine.


    I was dizzy with fear as I tightened the cloak about my head once again. The guards began following us at a slow speed as we merged with a big crowd.


    Caerwyn took a left at a street that forked three different ways and sped up his pace; he knew we were being followed. ¡°It¡¯s just down this street¡­ God keep us safe!¡±


    But the armor guards no longer made anymore pretense about following us; they began rushing after us through the crowd.


    Caerwyn began sprinting, and I followed his example.


    Fear gripped my heart, and my aching muscles from riding and lack of strength from not being active for the past eight years betrayed me. I was slowing down.


    Caerwyn and Terry noticed and kept pace with me in case they needed to defend me.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry!¡± I wept childishly.


    ¡°Do not fret, Princess.¡± Caerwyn encouraged me as we went.


    What I assumed was the temple was in sight now; there was a cross embossed on the circular arch at the top of the building that matched the cross on Caerwyn¡¯s outfit.


    ¡°We must speed up, Princess!¡± Terry told me hurriedly.


    We emerged from the crowd with six menacing knights chasing us quickly.


    With one last burst of energy, I pushed myself to run faster and we arrived at the temple door with Caerwyn banging one of the golden, circular handles on the double-doors.


    An older man dressed all in white with a funny hat opened the door and looked upon Caerwyn in shock and disdain. ¡°Caerwyn, I told you not to bring this creature here¡ªI told you not to rescue her¡­¡±


    The man in white peaked out the doorway to his right and saw the guards coming for us. ¡°I will not let you in here, Caerwyn. Not until you give this creature to the authorities.¡±


    Caerwyn looked furious. ¡°Have you no love in your heart? Do you not heed your own teachings? This is an innocent girl!¡±


    ¡°This is not a girl¡ªthis is a beast made of evil magic!¡± The man in white countered.


    I sobbed as the armor knights drew ever closer. ¡°Please let me in! I mean you no harm!¡±


    Caerwyn drew close to the man¡¯s face in anger¡ªI never thought I would see him so angry¡ªand said, ¡°if you claim to love all lives as our holy script dictates, you will let her in. If you wish to have a place in heaven, you will let her in.¡±


    The man looked like he was buckling under pressure at Caerwyn¡¯s fierce gaze and my teary face.


    The armored guards were justfew pacesaway and Caerwyn said testily, ¡°let her in, damn you! You are the beast if you can look upon an innocent girl with disdain and turn her away to be made into a slave!¡±


    The man in white relented just as one of the guards reached out to seize me.


    The man stepped aside and the three of us rushed inside the temple where the man in white slammed the door behind us.


    I took a deep breath and collapsed to my knees as the guards outside hammered on the door repeatedly. ¡°Open the door! We know you harbor an escaped slave!¡±


    ¡°I am sorry, this girl has claimed sanctuary,¡± The man in white claimed through the heavy double-doors.


    The man kindly lent me a hand and I took it. I wondered why he was allowed to touch me and Caerwyn wasn''t, but it was something I would think about late.


    I am safe for now, diary, and I will write again later.

 Chapter 10

    Tujuheim 180


    Having eaten and rested, my diary, I can continue writing in you.


    The man in white, as I had written before, helped me up as the armored guards outside the heavy double-doors continued to slam their fists upon the door.


    There were templar knights arriving in the circular room in which we all stood with looks of curiosity on their faces; they were all different ages and all were men.


    I nervously hid behind Caerwyn with all the attention I was getting and hoped he would defend me if anyone tried to harm me.


    I was so afraid, my diary! Any one of these humans could harm or kill me--for none of them surely cared for a creature they were taught was a beast!


    But, I was surprised when many of the templars merely chuckled.


    ¡°Caerwyn, I can¡¯t believe you actually rescued her! And all the more surprised that you survived doing so!¡± Said a black-haired templar.


    Despite my hiding behind Caerwyn, all the templars circled around us and tried to get a good look at me.


    They thought I was some kind of a freakshow¡­ I sniffled sadly.


    Terry spoke up melodramatically, stepping in front of me as I trembled, ¡°give her space, you cads! She is not an animal to be gawked at!¡±


    The templars backed off a little at that, but still tried to get a look at me.


    The guards stopped banging on the door outside the temple called with a note of finality, ¡°we shall tell the king of this!¡±


    The old man in white replied fearlessly, ¡°he will need to take it up with God, the one of blessed him to be king in the first place.¡±


    The guards left, and the old man waved away all the templars who were crowding me. He said to me with a sigh, ¡°girl, you will prove to be a very big headache. I need you to prove to me that you are worth such a headache. You may live here with us until the king arrives, and if you have proven yourself a good and kind woman and adhere to our ways, I will argue for your sovereignty with the king on your behalf.¡±


    I didn¡¯t know what he was talking about, and I didn¡¯t know what to say. I quietly looked at Caerwyn and he nodded.


    ¡°O-Okay¡­¡± I replied, unsure.


    The man in white smiled gently at me, then. ¡°My name is Leon, princess. Yours is Mimi, correct? One of the children of the king of Nui?¡±


    I nodded shyly.


    ¡°I am the head priest here in charge of the religious teachings of these young men. You will go among them and do all the same tasks they do. You understand? Terry will help you. He is still paying for his mistake, after all.¡± The old man said firmly.A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    I spoke up and held up a hand, ¡°I want--! I mean¡­ Can Caerwyn help me?¡±


    The head priest looked to Caerwyn with a confused face, and then back to me with a knowing face. He must have thought my infatuation was harmless. ¡°Both can help you. Why don¡¯t you get her a bath, new clothes, and food? Show her to an empty room, too.¡±


    Terry was excited as he took me by the arm and began leading me past all the pews that were lined up in the entrance and down the hall to the left. ¡°It¡¯s great here, Princess! I can¡¯t wait to show you the garden! And reflection time is wonderful!¡±


    Caerwyn was following us silently, and he looked very perturbed. I wondered what was on his mind, but I was more worried for myself. I had no idea what would happen to me. Would I live among these male templars and adhere to their religion while leaving my own religion and culture behind?


    Terry gave me bits of information as we walked through many rooms; there was a shrine to honor specific people in his religion and to beg forgiveness for something called ¡®sin¡¯, a bustling room where meals were being cooked, and a large, circular room with a high roof in which a very old templar knight was teaching the young ones¡ªtwo at a time¡ªhow to fight.


    ¡°This is where we¡¯re trained to fight¡ªbut don¡¯t worry, you won¡¯t have to learn that.¡± Terry explained.


    I was confused, ¡°really? My Daddy told me that women sometimes join in your skirmishes and wars¡­¡±


    ¡°They do, but only as physicians. Sometimes they¡¯re taught basic sword skills so they may defend themselves, but otherwise they hardly ever have to take up arms.¡± Terry told me.


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± That didn¡¯t seem as savage as Daddy told me it was.


    Eventually, we came to a hall which Terry explained contained quarters that housed all the templars and I would be staying in one of these rooms.


    ¡°Terry, how does one become a templar?¡± I asked curiously as he walked me to my door.


    ¡°I mean¡­ You just show up. Usually people who have nowhere to go and nothing to be are the ones who do.¡± Terry told me simply.


    That sounded like a place I should be at the moment¡­


    But oh! To live among a bunch of wild, human men! What a terror! Moth girls were not even allowed to be alone with males who were not of their family until they were safely married! Ah, my boundaries were being pushed lately¡­


    The door to my quarters was situated in the middle of the hall, and Terry told me he would fill the bathtub for me and he would get me some dinner and, thankfully, fresh clothes. Caerwyn, still silent, followed his squire without a word.


    I sat on my soft bed in silence. These quarters were so barren¡­ There was naught but a bed and a bathtub, and the roof was leaking! What kind of strange religion was this? They didn¡¯t take very good care of their devotees.


    Terry returned later¡ªand with fresh clothes! I couldn¡¯t thank him enough!¡ªbut¡­ They were not very appealing. They were all white and plain and made of cotton¡­


    ¡°Sorry, Princess. While you live here, you must commit to being a priestess.¡± Terry said as a filled up my bathtub with a bucket of hot water.


    ¡°A priestess?¡± I asked.


    ¡°For now, you¡¯ll just do most of the activities I do, and you¡¯ll start tomorrow.¡± Terry explained.


    I looked down. I felt like a traitor to my people and my religion. I was to go among these people who had no respect for me and adopt their ways... I wish I had paid more attention to the religion I was supposed to adhere to. I knew few things about it...


    ¡°Where¡¯s Caerwyn?¡± I asked suddenly.


    ¡°Oh, he¡¯s talking to Leon¡­¡± Terry informed me and finished dumping the water into the tub.


    After a moment of silence, I had a question I still wanted to be answered.


    ¡°Terry, what is a eunuch?¡± I pried curiously. ¡°I don¡¯t understand how he is defective¡­¡±


    Terry scratched his head, embarrassed. ¡°He can¡¯t have children.¡±


    I understood now. The poor, sweet man! ¡°Oh¡­ Who would do such a thing to him?¡±


    ¡°Probably his parents.¡± Terry replied. ¡°But I wouldn¡¯t pry, Princess. You take your bath and rest for now.¡±


    I was tired of resting--I crossed my arms with a glower--but I obeyed.

 Chapter 11

    I slept until the next morning when Terry got me up at an ungodly hour and told me to get dressed. I held up the priestess'' outfit Terry had laid out for me with a look of distaste, but donned it dutifully.


    Ah! But it was so soft and clean and smelled of lilacs! I had taken clean clothes for granted! It wasn¡¯t much to look at! But it was so nice to wear something clean again.


    Caerwyn was not with Terry¡­ I missed him already. ¡°Where is Caerwyn?¡±


    ¡°He is being sent off in a week to protect pilgrims as they venture into foreign kingdoms. Today, he¡¯s making preparations with Leon before he sets out. He should be back by nightfall. Not all kingdoms are accepting of our religion.¡± Terry told me.


    ¡°You humans don¡¯t all follow the same religion like moths do¡­?¡± I wondered.


    Terry shook his head. ¡°No. It¡¯s the cause of much tension. That¡¯s why the templars were formed in the first place; to protect pilgrims as they visit various holy sites around the world. Some kingdoms are¡­ Less than friendly to our religion, although our king makes it a point to allow people of different religions into our kingdom, so long as they leave within the week.¡±


    How barbaric these humans were! I liked them less and less!


    Terry¡¯s duties, he explained, were very lowly and basic. He began by teaching me how to sew of all things in a room filled with other templar squires. They were stitching together various templar uniforms that had holes or tears in them.


    ¡°It¡¯s our job to mend templar uniforms until we take our final vows,¡± he explained.


    I set about stitching up a pair of leggings set on a desk with Terry hovering over my work.


    Mother had taught me some sewing, but I never had any talent or passion for it. I found it frustrating and dull! I much preferred her flying lessons, but¡­


    I wiped away an oncoming tear as I remembered my wings were not working.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong, Princess?¡± Terry asked compassionately.


    I tried to flutter my wings under my priestess robes which humans called a ¡®habit¡¯ to no avail. ¡°My wings still won¡¯t work!¡±Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    Terry was sympathetic, but I¡¯m sure he found me very tiring where Caerwyn had patience for me. ¡°Please don¡¯t cry, Princess¡­¡±


    The other templars stared at us curiously but returned to their work after a moment.


    Humans had no idea what our wings meant to us. Moths without wings were not moths at all. In our religion, wings were how moths made it to paradise when they died, and if their wings did not work, they would be stuck in the world of the living forever and never rejoin their family members.


    The very thought made me hysterically sad, and I continuously cried as I sewed.


    Terry didn¡¯t know what to do, and so he just let me cry and handed me a rag to wipe my eyes with.


    __


    The day was tiring, diary. After sewing, Terry showed taught me how to cook basic foods¡ªanother thing Mother had been teaching me to do before I was captured¡ªand I fared a little better in that department as I just needed to closely follow Terry¡¯s instructions. Stitching seemed to require a little bit more creativity and know-how. The kitchen was hot and bustling, however, and made me sweat right through my new clothes¡­


    There was also prayer¡ªa custom of human religion¡ªfrequently practiced throughout the day. First you attend Lauds, and then prime, tierce and¡­ Ah! I forget the rest. Regardless, they wished me to pray alone at a particular shrine to repent for my sins¡ªnot that I did anything wrong¡ªand the ground was very rough on my knees! But that¡¯s what praying required; kneeling and clasping your hands together and begging forgiveness in your mind¡­


    Between prayers, I also helped tend the garden, cleaned dishes, and wiped the floors of the temple clean.


    It was exhausting work not befitting a lovely princess such as myself!


    But, more than that¡­ The templar boys giggled at me and talked about me behind my back.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe they let a girl in, not just a girl, but a beast!¡± Whispered one.


    ¡°Oh, and did you see how she has four arms? An they¡¯re hairy like a spider¡¯s! What a hideous creature!¡± Snickered another.


    ¡°The one girl allowed in our temple and she looks like that?¡± Laughed a third.


    At sundown, I returned to my quarters with tears streaming down my cheeks and threw myself onto my bed.


    After minutes of stewing in the bad things the humans had said about me, I finally sat up and continued writing in you, my diary, until a knock came at my door.


    ¡°W-who is it¡­?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Caerwyn¡­¡± He replied.


    I opened the door and he noticed my tear-streaked fur.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong, Princess?¡± Caerwyn asked.


    I sniffled. ¡°Do you think I am an ugly beast like the other templars do?¡±


    Caerwyn gave me a gentle smile and exclaimed, ¡°oh no, Princess! You are undoubtedly one of the prettiest girls that has ever graced my eyes! As a matter of fact, I asked Leon permission to take you out to the city for a present tomorrow!¡±


    ¡°A present? For me? Will I love it?¡± I asked him excitedly.


    ¡°You¡¯ll love it, precious girl!¡±


    I squealed and tried to hug him happily, but he moved away from me like always.


    I must rest up for now, diary! I can¡¯t wait to see my present in the morning!

 Chapter 12

    Tujuheim 180


    Caerwyn got me and Terry up early and announced that the three of us were going to spend the morning outside the temple. After how taxing the previous day was, I was overly excited and happy to spend the morning outside of the temple--and all the more excited to spend it with Caerwyn!


    Terry was happy to come along as well. ¡°It can be so suffocating in that temple!¡± Terry said as we stepped outside of the temple with cloaks on to protect us from the rain. The cloaks were also a benefit because I had to be in disguise when I went out. According to Caerwyn, the guards still has a right to capture me if I was seen outside the temple.


    Caerwyn replied to his squire with a smile, ¡°you should be more thankful, Terry! You would be on the streets if not for the temple!¡±


    ¡°I know¡­¡± Terry replied gloomily.


    ¡°Why would¡­ Why would you be on the streets?¡± I asked shyly.


    Terry frowned and replied, ¡°my family disowned me.¡±


    I was shocked but pressed him no further. We instead travelled in silence for a time, and Caerwyn told neither me, nor Terry where we were going.


    ¡°It¡¯s a surprise!¡± He kept repeating.


    We walked down the street where the temple was located and took a right where the path forked. This seemed to be a commercial district which had many shops. A butchershop, a smithy, a stable, and¡­


    A clothing shop!


    Caerwyn stopped in front of the shop and said to me, ¡°the seamstress is a good friend of mine and said you could have any one dress you want!¡±


    Terry looked bored. ¡°And why did you drag me along?¡±


    ¡°You said yourself that the temple could be suffocating; I didn¡¯t think you¡¯d mind.¡± Caerwyn told his friend.


    Caerwyn opened the door to the shop for me and I stepped in¡ªdancing with excitement. There were dresses hanging from statues of human women being sold for an obscene amount of gold that only wealthy nobles could afford.


    The seamstress, who was standing in the middle of the small shop with her hands clasped behind her back greeted me with an excited expression of her own. ¡°Caerwyn told me about you, but... You really are a moth¡­ How fun you will be to dress!¡±


    And so the seamstress picked out the dress she thought would suit me best and I changed behind a closet curtain in the corner of the shop.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    It was a beautiful ballgown dress! The hem was three different colors¡ªred, purple, and green¡ªwith a shimmering silver, transparent overcoat covering it from waist to hem! The bodice was beautifully embroidered with golden stars and the sleeves were charmeuse and soft!


    I stepped out from behind the curtain and showed the bored looking Terry and the smiling Caerwyn my dress.


    ¡°Oh, look how beautiful you are!¡± Caerwyn announced loudly and stood up from the bench he was sitting on. ¡°Let¡¯s see all around!¡±


    I obliged gladly and did a spin for him.


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t she look absolutely stunning, Terry?¡± Caerwyn asked him as he looked upon me with admiration.


    Terry raised an eyebrow, and took a moment before agreeing, ¡°absolutely!¡±


    ¡°I just need to take it in for you, Princess, and make more holes in it for your wings and your other two arms.¡± The seamstress commented thoughtfully.


    ¡°So I can have it for free!¡± I said with a squeal of joy.


    ¡°Of course, Princess. I¡¯m all too happy to help a friend of Caerwyn¡¯s.¡± The seamstress said with a grin.


    I tried on a few more dresses and Caerwyn was happy to view me in each one. Eventually, Terry got so bored that Caerwyn gave him permission to go back to the temple.


    For each dress, Caerwyn commented on my beauty and how the dress enhanced it. I was blushing like a silly child, even though I knew he was probably just flattering me as usual and trying to cheer me up after all the templar boys unanimously agreed I was a hideous beast.


    I felt like a princess again after I had my fill of trying on dresses. After I was finished, the seamstress promised me she would tailor the first dress I wore¡ªwhich was my favorite¡ªto my body perfectly and make holes in it for my extra arms and my wings.


    On our way back to the temple, I leaned against a house in an alleyway and asked Caerwyn, ¡°why are you so kind to me? I know you think I¡¯m ugly¡­¡±


    Caerwyn looked at me searchingly and said nothing. He looked at me in a very mischievous way that set my heart to pounding. He pressed his hands on the house next to my shoulders and leaned in very close to me.


    My chest heaved heavily as his head tilted--as if he made to kiss me.


    His lips came very close to mine, but he did not grace them. At the last moment, he pulled away sharply and turned his back to me. ¡°I would lay down my life for you, Princess.¡±


    He continued walking ahead, and I lingered for a moment, nervously twisting the sapphire he had given me in my hands.


    Such loyalty he had for a foreign princess! What was this love that he seemed to have for a beast such as myself? It made no sense, but I was very grateful for it. Indeed, I perversely wished he had stolen that kiss and I fantasized that he had like some kind of naughty peasant girl, but then I snapped back to reality. I followed Caerwyn back to the temple, wherein I went about my duties with Terry guiding me like he had yesterday.


    The templars had no kind things to say about me today, either. I was a poor worker, and ugly in their eyes to boot. They laughed when I overcooked something, or sewed something wrong, or stepped on a cabbage in the garden, and I wept inwardly about it, but tried not to cry in front of them.


    Terry was nothing but encouraging and kind to me, and I asked him as I tended the garden, ¡°Leon said you were paying for a mistake¡­? I¡¯m sorry you have to look after me.¡±


    Terry was silent for a moment before answering, ¡°I hurt another templar¡ªnearly killed him¡ªbut luckily, a physician healed him. Anyway, helping you is hardly a punishment, Princess. I enjoy your company.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± I did not judge him. I was in no position to. He never struck me as the violent type¡ªhe seemed so sweet and young¡ªbut I supposed looks could be very deceiving.

 Chapter 13

    Tujuheim 180


    Ah! What a trying experience my time at the temple was! For the first three days there, I worked until my hands were raw and my feet hurt! I had no friends but for Terry, and the only solace I found was in prayer to a God I should not be worshipping.


    But...


    There was something peaceful about praying that could not be found in sacrifice, which was how we moths pleased our gods. Indeed, I always thought sacrifice was grisly and uncouth, although a necessary function of mothran religious practices.


    At the end of those first three days, Leon approached me solemnly just as I was about to go to bed.


    He took me aside firmly. ¡°Princess, the king will be coming by the week¡¯s end. Tell me what you have learned so far.¡±


    I looked into his eyes searchingly; I did not know what he wanted me to say. I just began speaking. ¡°I have learned many lessons about hard work and what life is like for common people. I had never treated my servants well when I was a princess, and now I understand what it is like to be of low birth. And prayer to your god is¡­ Soothing.¡±


    Leon looked at me intently for a moment, and then nodded with approval. ¡°I shall argue for your sovereignty, then.¡±


    I did not know what he was talking about still, but I nodded. ¡°Th-thank you¡­¡±


    Leon walked away down the hall, and then I went to sleep and wrote down my thoughts of the day in you, my diary.


    __


    Terry fast became my best friend as the end of the week approached. He reminded me so much of my precious little brother, Kieran--the adorable brown moth! So cheerful and high-spirited and talkative! Terry had much gossip to tell me, which always cheered me up. He told me about the three princes of Ironwall.


    ¡°The oldest one is the most well-liked and will inherit the kingdom when the king dies. The second oldest prince is quite the scandal! Supposedly he secretly only likes boys! The youngest one is¡­ Well, he¡¯s terrifying. He¡¯s seven-feet-tall with a gigantic scar on his face! Nobody likes him, not even the king!¡±


    ¡°Likes boys¡­?¡± I inquired. What a hideous thought! Marriage was for the purpose of having children! And you could not have them with boys! Such a waste that would be.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    But, then¡­ I couldn¡¯t have children with Caerwyn, and I nonetheless had embarrassing dreams about him. Perhaps I should not judge so harshly.


    Terry nodded silently as we continued picking cabbage for dinner.


    Wenberheim, 180


    The end of the week came so quickly, my diary! I was told to meet with Leon at morning¡¯s light, and he would introduce me to the king. I was very nervous about it! I did not know what would happen in this meeting, but I knew my fate hung in the balance.


    We met in Leon¡¯s personal quarters where three chairs were pulled up. Two were facing each other, and the other was facing both. I was to sit in the chair facing the other two until Leon returned with the king.


    The silence was deafening. I seemed to hear every creak in the temple. Worry laid heavily on my heart and I felt sick with it. My large ears drooped sadly as I waited.


    The king was a handsome man with a scar on his face. He had fair hair and the¡­ blackest eyes I have ever seen. He looked to be in his fifties. I was silent and let Leon and the king do the talking.


    ¡°Leon, tell me why you have questioned my authority by harboring a slave?¡± The king demanded.


    ¡°She is not a slave, Torr; not any longer. She is a devotee of our religion now and should be made into a princess of Nui again. I will not have a member of our religion treated as anything less than human.¡± Leon countered.


    ¡°But this is a beast, Leon! She can say not a word as we decide her fate, just like a common ape! Not only that, but she has worshipped false gods and makes hideous sacrifices to them!¡±


    I slouched in my chair and twiddled my fingers. I thought the king would surely sentence me to death!


    ¡°This is not a beast; she is a woman of good breeding and polite manners. She sews, she cooks, she cleans, and she admires the many figures of our religion. We can use more women like her. I propose this: Marry her to your youngest son and they can rule over Nui together.¡±


    I clapped a hand to my mouth in horror with tears springing to my eyes; I barely withheld from protesting.


    The king laughed uproariously at that. ¡°You must be joking! I know my son is hated, even by myself, but you expect me to bring such shame to him as to marry him to this beast? He shall give me yet another scar to match the one I already have for such a transgression!¡±


    Leon laughed with him and ever more tears sprang to my eyes at how little they both cared for me. ¡°Truth be told, my friend, this woman has¡­ Certain charms that seem to tame men. You remember Terry¡ªthe violent youth who used to serve you wine at your castle? The one who nearly killed one of our own templars? Well, he has become amiable and very well mannered in her presence. She is unlike many human women of today.¡±


    The king looked me up and down skeptically¡ªstill choking back laughter. But, for a moment, I saw his expression soften and, for a moment, the blackness leave his eyes as his smile melted into a sincere frown. ¡°You know what, I had no idea what to do with Nui, anyway. It is under reconstruction, but it is a poor land and I wouldn¡¯t want any of my older princes to rule over it. I¡¯ll accept your proposal, Leon. She and my wretched son will be rulers over a dead land, and she will be the one moth who is not a slave!¡±


    I sobbed silently as the two laughed uproariously again and then they sent me out of the room.


    I cannot bear to write another word, my diary! I shall cry all over the page I am writing upon!

 Chapter 14

    Wenberheim, 180


    Terry felt nothing but pity for me when I told him my fate.


    Although I had begun opening up to Terry and Caerwyn of late, I now withdrew from them again. My thoughts were ever focused on unhappy things and mustering the will just to get through the day. I found no solace anywhere but in my lovely memories with my family and that bittersweet kiss Caerwyn had almost given me.


    I hadn¡¯t even seen him since he had taken me and Terry to the dress shop¡ªhe was too busy making preparations for the pilgrimage.


    I thought about that almost-kiss often as I twisted the necklace he had given me in my hands¡­ His breath on my face, his green eyes that were as deep as a forest, those¡­ Dots¡ªor freckles, as Terry had called them¡ªon his face¡­ Those lips an inch from mine...


    Gods, the thought that I was being married to a prince with a cruel and violent reputation, and I would never feel the lips I truly wanted on mine was infuriating! I had lost one of two people who cared anything for me after so closely losing my family. My thoughts were ever turned darker and darker.


    While I was cooking, I held a knife intently for a moment and stared at it silently. My hand was trembling as I thought about using it on my wrist.


    Terry touched my shoulder and took the knife away from me. ¡°Don¡¯t give up, Princess. I¡¯ll be with you. I¡¯ve requested to be your personal guard and attendant in your new castle and I was approved by Leon and Caerwyn.¡±


    I looked at him with appreciation. He was such a kind boy, and I didn¡¯t want to let him down. I looked down. ¡°And Caerwyn?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯ll be gone for a few months, but I know he does wish to be one of your guards.¡± Terry replied.


    I forced myself not to cry and nodded expressionlessly. ¡°Thank you for coming with me, Terry. At least I¡¯ll have one friend.¡±


    Terry nodded as we continued preparing breakfast for the templars.


    At the end of the week, the youngest prince, whose name was Paris, would come by the temple with a horse-drawn carriage and take me back to Nui where we would reside together. Until then, I would continue working in the temple.


    I wasn¡¯t looking forward to seeing my old, beloved kingdom destroyed. It was the thing I dreaded most. To live at the spot where my family had lived and loved me, and then died, was a devastating thought, indeed. It seemed as if life kept getting worse and worse for me, and I had no idea why I was made to suffer. There just seemed to be no good reason for it.


    The only reason the moth gods could offer was that age-old concern of mine; that I was a passionless and vain woman and my whole family had paid the price for my errors. The human God offered a different explanation.


    Perhaps there was a reason for this suffering--a lesson to be learned--that had not made itself known to me.


    No matter how much I repented to either God¡ªthe human God through prayer and the moth gods through secretly offering my blood to them when humans weren¡¯t looking¡ªit did no good.


    Still tied to my origins, I began to concede that I was woman with a black soul, in love with a human man, and had never had any great prospects for myself or my family other than selfish desires.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    Yes¡­This was what I deserved for giving my affections to Caerwyn. It was against both our religions to love outside our species. It didn¡¯t matter that we had neither kissed nor touched, the gods knew my thoughts and were punishing me for them. I only hoped Caerwyn¡¯s God was kinder to him than mine were to me.


    __


    Before Caerwyn left on his pilgrimage, he visited me one more time in my room. We sat on my bed together in silence for a time.


    He turned to me awkwardly and cleared his throat. ¡°Princess, I am sorry about before¡­¡±


    I didn¡¯t meet his gaze. ¡°Don¡¯t apologize, I¡­¡±


    I turned to him with tears in my eyes. ¡°You have been my only friend other than Terry¡­ I confess I have had thoughts about you that I shouldn¡¯t--but I actually have reason, where you don¡¯t. You are such a divine creature; you are strong, but you only use your strength in defense of the weak. For people like me¡­ But you are such a gray creature! Creatures the gods have told me never to touch or love¡­!¡±


    ¡°Gray¡­?¡± Caerwyn asked.


    ¡°There are three important colors in my religion: White, black, and gray. White is the goodliest of things, black the evilest, and gray the worst. It is neither good nor evil, passionate or malevolent. It simply exists and sucks up resources¡­ And yet, I cannot think of you as such. There are minor colors such as gold like your hair as well¡­ That is the most beautiful color.¡± I reached out to touch his hair, and he looked at me with lovesick, green eyes¡ªawaiting my touch¡ªbut flinched away with a tiny gasp.


    He stood up with his back facing me. ¡°Do you know why I came to rescue you?¡±


    ¡°No¡­¡± I replied, crying all the more that he should turn away from me.


    ¡°It is not just because my God has declared that we should defend all creatures of intelligence and treat them with respect. It is because I never had the chance to protect a woman before; I¡¯ve never had the chance to be a knightinstead ofa templar. I wanted to shed my white cloak of purity and have the chance to protect someone other than a man. And when I saw you looking at me, pretending like you didn¡¯t wish to be rescued but begging me so sweetly and innocently with your black eyes, I fell into them. From there, you have treated me as any other man despite knowing the worst thing about me. Indeed, you told me you thought me more competent than any other man!¡± He turned back to me then and placed his hands on either side of my hips on the bed, his lips coming close to mine once again.


    But he took them away from me again at the last moment¡ªthe blackest of teases!¡ªand he said. ¡°But you are a beast, so everyone else says! And I shall betray the one God who has always looked after me if I touch your beastliness! You are the same temptation for me that I am for you!¡±


    I looked down silently. Here was this white man, goodly and pure, adhering to his own vows and his religion, and here I was, caring not for mine. I wanted him, and I cared not what my religion, duty, or anyone else had to say about it.


    Thankfully, he spared us both any unwanted actions and said to me. ¡°I love you, and I shall love you all the rest of my days. But fear not for your sanctity, Princess, I shall never be tempted to touch you again. I only worry how Paris will treat you¡­ I hate myself for leaving you with such a man¡­!¡±


    ¡°D-do not worry, Caerwyn¡­ I can¡­ I can take care of myself.¡± Not even I believed it.


    ¡°Perhaps you can tame him with your loveliness and sweetness¡­¡± Caerwyn suggested with those verdant eyes that seemed to hold some kind of paradise within them. ¡°At least Terry will be there if he should try to hurt you¡­¡±


    And Caerwyn made to leave, but I had one more thing to ask him, ¡°Terry says you wish to be one of my guards¡­ Is it true? Will you come to Nui once you¡¯re done with your pilgrimage? Will you be my guard?¡±


    Caerwyn looked at me intently and nodded. ¡°I shall try to come as your knight, and nothing more.¡±


    I watched him go with untold sadness. The one person I had left to love was gone from my life.

 Chapter 15

    I tried to enjoy the rest of the week with Terry before Paris came for me.


    We had some good times together. Terry was good at cheering me up, and he was a good teacher, too. By the end of the week, I was competent at sewing, cooking, and cleaning. Many of the templars snickered that I would be a competent wife for the king-to-be. I took it as a compliment.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Princess. They¡¯re all just jealous puritans. They want a wife for themselves.¡± Terry assured me.


    I giggled a little at that.


    Terry tried to teach me some other things human women were expected to do¡ªincluding something called a ¡®curtsy¡¯¡ªand he looked very funny when he showed me--I assumed it was because he was a boy. He also tried to teach me a little dancing, but he, himself, was not very good at it. We ended up stepping all over each other¡¯s feet. But we had fun practicing, anyway.


    But, unfortunately, the end of the week came. It was a rainy day came and it heralded the youngest prince¡¯s arrival at the temple. I followed Leon to the front door, and he paused before opening it. He turned to me with a sorrowful expression and said, ¡°Princess, I am sorry¡­ I thought this was the best option for you.¡±


    I said nothing to him. I hated him for not even bothering to ask me what I wanted. I would have liked to stay in the temple all my life rather than marry a mean and violent prince.


    Leon opened the door, and a seven-foot-tall, dark-haired man who was dressed very handsomely was waiting for me along with an entourage of mounted knights waving the standard of Ironwall.


    I assumed this was the prince. He had a great big scar on his face running from his forehead, across his nose, and down to his chin and was dressed more grandly than any of the knights in his company. He may have been dressed handsomely, but he was not handsome. His hair was incredibly short and thin and there were deep lines on his forehead and under his eyes even though he was very young.


    I stepped towards him quietly and did a ¡®curtsy¡¯ like Terry had attempted to teach me to do. I messed it up, and felt hot with embarrassment because of it. Nobody in the prince''s entourage seemed to notice or care, however.


    The prince, Paris, reached out and took one of my four hands and kissed it¡ªmaking me flinch. ¡°It¡¯s lovely to meet you, Princess.¡±


    I nodded silently as some of the knights in the entourage bit back laughter.


    I introduced Terry, who was standing next to me. ¡°This is my¡­ This is my friend Terry. He wishes to be one of my personal guards. If¡­ If it¡¯s okay with you. Leon has already approved it.¡±


    Paris nodded. ¡°That¡¯s fine.¡±


    He stepped into the horse-drawn carriage he had arrived in, and then held out a hand for me. I took it and stepped in after him. He closed the curtain after I entered.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    I settled down next to him silently and stared forward at the wall.


    My heart was pounding.


    He picked up a book he had left in the carriage and began reading it.


    He was scary and silent. I sweated nervously and felt sick with worry and anxiety.


    But I remembered I had something to do before we left the kingdom!


    ¡°Wait!¡± I accidentally shouted a little loudly.


    The prince looked up from his book--looking a little perturbed. ¡°Yes, Princess?¡±


    ¡°My dress! We must visit the shop for my dress!¡± I demanded.


    ¡°You shall have many more dresses, Princess. Fear not.¡± The prince went back to reading his book.


    I growled. ¡°I want this dress!¡±


    The prince raised an unimpressed eyebrow, but then called to the man driving the carriage, ¡°stop at the dress shop, please.¡±


    The seamstress had the beautiful dress ready, and she handed it to me¡ªall folded up prettily¡ªand then we went on our way again.


    The prince said nothing about the dress that I placed next to me inside the carriage as we travelled. In fact, he said nothing at all. He must have been severely angry that he was being married to a beast.


    I was lonely with no one to talk to and I lay on my side and went to sleep while we travelled.


    __


    Envenheim, 181


    We travelled for two months, and thankfully nothing eventful happened. It was one of the loneliest and saddest times in my life, however. I spent the whole trip penned in the carriage with the prince, and he hardly said a word to me. Everytime we stepped out of the carriage on the trip, I made sure he went first and then I followed after him. I never wanted to be any closer to him than was necessary.


    Everytime we stepped out of the carriage and rested for the night, I was overly joyed just to see Terry, and all the more happy to speak with him--but then we would be separated again once I climbed into the carriage and I would be alone with the dark and angry prince.


    Eventually, however, after a rough and long two months, we arrived at Nui.


    I fell to my knees and I wept at the sorry state my home was in.


    Wood and debris were scattered all about a once lush and green land which was now barren and brown. My beloved home, the castle that was once located up in a mighty moth tree¡ªtreated to be that big by moth magic¡ªwas shattered and replaced with a human castle located nearby on the ground. The castle was made of ugly gray stone and was quite small.


    The worst moment of the journey was the bodies. I thanked the moth gods that I did not see the bodies of any family members, but I nonetheless had the misfortune of peeking out from behind the curtain and seeing moth bodies strewn about that had not yet been buried. The image was burnt into my memory and would not leave. The prince did not comfort me, but listened to me weep ineffectually.


    To top off the miserable two months was the marriage which took place almost immediately when we arrived. We got married in front of thousands of humans¡ªand a few moth slaves¡ªbefore the entrance of the newly built human castle.


    It was a human procession through-and-through. Moths always got married in private and were expected to make love soon after¡ªI prayed the prince found me repulsive enough that he would do no such thing, or that human customs were different from our own.


    The only thing I liked about the marriage was the beautiful white dress I got to wear. Below the waist it was six, luscious layers of ivory with golden butterflies embroidered on the bodice. Otherwise, when the tall prince kissed me lightly on the forehead¡ªavoiding my lips--the whole crowd erupted in laughter at the joke of a wedding and I stared blankly at them in tears.


    My dream was always to be a wife, and that dream was made into a hideous reality.


    Paris held out a hand to me. ¡°Come with me, Princess. We still have the rest of the ceremony to get through.¡±


    I took it while sniffling and while the crowd still laughed uproariously.


    I must stop writing for now and rest. That is all I have felt like doing of late.

 Chapter 16

    Envenheim 181


    The rest of the wedding celebration was exhausting, humiliating, and scarring.


    After the ceremony which took place outside the castle, we all headed inside for food and drink, and things got worse.


    The prince¡ªor king, as he was now¡ªsat with me at the far end of the spacious dining hall. In front of us were extravagant tables pushed up against opposite walls that stretched from one corner of the room to the other. They were meant to seat hundreds of nobles¡ªor wedding guests as it were.


    Paris drank a glass of wine, and then another, and another, and another¡­ I had one, and nearly spat it out because. I had never drunk wine before, and was not accustomed to it.


    Before long, everyone in the hall was drunk and they all made crass comments about my sham marriage.


    ¡°Does that mean you have to sleep with that thing? I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever heard of a human and a beast¡­ Together in such a way.¡± Asked a black-haired man who sat next to Paris.


    Paris turned to me and swished his wine around in his glass as he asked in slurred words bitterly. ¡°What do you think? It is a custom.¡±


    Everyone who heard was set to laughing.


    Terry, who sat next to me, put a comforting hand over mine as I sunk into my chair and dreaded when we would go to bed together.


    ¡°I¡¯ll try to convince him not to.¡± Terry whispered to me.


    Unsurprisingly, I wept. It was all I could do these days.


    ¡°Your bride is weeping, Paris! That does not speak well of you! You should kiss her on the lips like you should have done during the ceremony!¡± The black-haired man suggested.


    Everyone around us gasped in terror at the suggestion of actually seeing a human kiss what they thought was a hideous beast. Paris turned to me with foul smelling breath and stared into my eyes as the crowd waited with bated breath.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    I looked back and prayed he would not touch me, but the crowd began chanting and slamming their forks and other utensils on their tables.


    ¡°Kiss her!¡±


    ¡°Kiss her!¡±


    ¡°Kiss her!¡±


    Paris looked me up and down with glazed eyes.


    My head was thumping with fear and anticipation.I plastered myself against my chair in fear.


    My hands were sweaty.


    Paris leaned in and kissed me while the crowd jeered and made noises of disgust.


    Terry pulled me away from him protectively after a moment with a look of contempt on his face for the king and the crowd.


    He said to Paris, ¡°this is your bride and you treat her like this¡­!¡±


    ¡°She is mine. I will treat her how I like and you will let me if you wish to keep your head.¡± Paris replied.


    That sentence made me shiver with apprehension.


    The hours ticked by and everyone got drunker and drunker while I stayed miserably sober. Anxiety tore at my black soul as the hour drew near when we would all go to bed. I sweated a cold sweat, I tapped my fingers nervously on the table, and I felt sick in my stomach with apprehension.


    Terry eventually noticed me yawning and said to the new king, ¡°your majesty, the queen looks tired. Do you mind if I escort her to bed?¡±


    Paris shook his head, but the whole crowd of drunkards heard him and goaded the king to go with me.


    Thankfully, he said he wanted to stay up a little longer and Terry led me away from the hours upon hours of public ridicule that was my wedding celebration.


    Paris told me our quarters were on the third floor of the castle through the large double-doors, and I relayed those instructions to Terry.


    He led me there, and I fell to my knees when I saw our king-sized bed and I sobbed uncontrollably as my nightmare became realer and realer. Terry knelt down and let me hug him for comfort. ¡°I don¡¯t wish to be¡­¡±


    ¡°I shall convince him that you aren¡¯t ready¡­¡± It was an empty promise, but his kindness was appreciated as always.


    ¡°I am nothing but a joke to them! This marriage is spat upon and people only came to see it to disgust themselves¡­¡± I cried with a wobbly voice.


    Terry helped me up and rolled the blankets back for me. ¡°You just crawl in, Prin¡ª my Queen and I¡¯ll tuck you in.¡±


    I obeyed and lay on my side, clutching my pillow for comfort. I held Terry¡¯s hand for a moment and told him, ¡°you never had to call me princess, you know. You can just call me Mimi. You¡¯re my friend¡­¡±


    Terry patted my hand. ¡°I was being respectful to you because I am fond of you.¡±


    I forced a smile and sniffled at that. ¡°You¡¯re so kind ¡­¡±


    ¡°Go to sleep now and let me handle the rest.¡± Terry suggested. ¡°Caerwyn will have my head should anything befall you!¡±


    Terry doused the torchlights in the bedroom and stood outside the door as I dosed for a bit.

 Chapter 17

    The castle creaked in the middle of the night, and I heard noises that frightened me dreadfully. I woke up consistently throughout the night¡ªfully expecting the king to come in, stinking of alcohol, to consummate our marriage.


    I pulled the sheets up to my chin and stared at the ceiling sleeplessly.


    Eventually, I heard voices outside the door.


    ¡°Step aside, templar.¡± Paris said.


    ¡°My King, please do not touch her. She is crying and in a bad way. If you have kindness in your heart, you will give her time¡­¡± Terry began, but Paris cut him off.


    ¡°I will do what I want with my wife. Step aside.¡± Paris repeated and I heard Terry get shoved against the wall.


    The door creaked open and I screwed my eyes shut. I pretended to be asleep.


    I heard his footsteps approaching and I breathed harshly. I felt him sit on the bed.


    There was silence for what felt like minutes, but he eventually said, ¡°you poor beast¡­ I won¡¯t touch you, my innocent queen.¡±


    And then I heard him shuffle back across the bedroom and leave.


    My heart was thumping loudly for a few minutes, but when he didn¡¯t return, I could finally smile and relax. I slept soundly through the rest of the night.


    __


    I slept through most of the morning as well, my diary.


    ¡°She¡¯s very tired! The king must have kept her up!¡± I heard a repulsive man say to Terry outside of the bedroom.


    ¡°I won¡¯t have you speak of the king and queen that way. You will show them respect.¡± Terry replied.


    ¡°Whelp!¡± Replied the man.


    I went back to sleep after that again.


    __


    Eventually, I heard a knock on the door.


    ¡°It¡¯s time for dinner, Mimi.¡± Paris called. ¡°Get dressed.¡±The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    I didn¡¯t feel like moving. I didn¡¯t feel doing anything. With a blank expression, I wrapped myself all-the-tighter in my blanket.


    ¡°Get up.¡± Paris called sternly, and then I heard him walk away.


    Terry entered the room after a moment and he hastily came to my side. ¡°You have to get up, Mimi! The king is angry and has promised you a black eye if you don¡¯t!¡±


    I stared blankly forward and did not reply.


    ¡°Princess! You must get up!¡± Terry encouraged me.


    I slowly pulled myself to a sitting position for his sake. Terry grinned. ¡°That¡¯s the Mimi I know! I¡¯ll go get your handmaiden!¡±


    Terry left and I looked down miserably. I could think of no reason to live. I wanted to die. I wanted to be spared any more humiliation and pain.


    My handmaiden¡ªwho was a moth slave¡ªarrived and set about picking a dress for me to wear from my closet.


    It took me a moment to realize I knew this moth¡­ I was elated to see her! This was one of my many half-sisters, Gerta! For a moment, misery was replaced with pure joy.


    ¡°Gerta!¡± I squealed joyously and hopped out of bed. I tried to embrace her, but she stepped away from me with a furious look on her face.


    ¡°Is there something wrong¡­?¡± I asked her worriedly.


    We two had never been on the best of terms¡ªshe was always so serious, while I was so silly¡ªbut for her to step away from me in my time of need¡­


    ¡°Did you have fun sleeping your way into the enemy¡¯s bed? Did you have fun leaving your people behind?¡± Gerta answered furiously.


    ¡°What¡­?¡± I replied. ¡°I¡ªI¡¯m sorry. I don¡¯t wish to be his wife¡ªplease let me explain--!¡±


    ¡°You have your riches and your handsome human man, but you will never have my respect.¡± Gerta told me as she filled up the bathtub in the bedroom with hot water from a bucket.


    I sniffled pathetically. ¡°Don¡¯t you hate me, too! I¡¯m sorry! I never wanted any of this to happen!¡±


    ¡°Fake tears. Always with the fake tears to get what you want.¡± Gerta snorted. ¡°Get in the tub, I¡¯ll scrub you down.¡±


    I stared at her silently and pleadingly for a moment, but she wasn''t moved by my sadness. I obeyed her and climbed into the tub. ¡°Please tell me¡­ Is Kieran alive?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re all dead but you and I, Sister. I¡¯m sorry that I survived rather than a sibling you love truly.¡± Gerta said sarcastically.


    I was wounded. ¡°How could you say that¡­? I love all of you! It was Daddy who liked you and your mother the least!¡±


    Gerta purposely dragged the scrubber through my fur roughly and I yelped. ¡°Yes, and you were his precious, pretty ivory princess who everyone liked best because she was so simple and stupid that she was charming!¡±


    ¡°Please don¡¯t be angry at me, Sister. You¡¯re all I have¡­¡± I replied with another atrocious sniffle.


    ¡°Clearly not. I¡¯m sure you¡¯re having fun with your king. You don¡¯t need me. Step out.¡± Gerta commanded firmly.


    She toweled me off and then helped me into the dress Caerwyn¡¯s seamstress friend had made me.


    Gods, I missed him.


    I missed how he spoiled me¡ªI missed how he never judged me and admired every positive aspect there was about me¡­ Which I thought, in the end, weren¡¯t many.


    I looked at myself in the tall mirror hanging from the wall in the bedroom and felt very empty. I wanted to show it to Caerwyn again and have him exclaim how pretty I looked in it¡­ I sank to my knees slowly and hugged my torso for comfort.


    ¡°Hurry, Sister. The king in waiting for you.¡± Gerta said cruelly and left.


    I let myself weep for a few more minutes and then tiredly got to my feet and joined Paris for dinner in the dining hall.

 Chapter 18

    Thankfully, when I came down for dinner, there were few nobles joining us this time--unlike at the wedding celebration. I heard them all talking before I entered the -they were laughing cheerfully. When I entered, however, they were all silent.


    I strolled ineffectually to Paris'' side, letting him kiss one of my hands--which caused me to flinch¡ªbefore I sat down next to him. He did not comment on my lovely dress, my jewelry, or how painstakingly I had made up my fur just to look pretty. He said coldly, ¡°my Queen, it is not right for you to sleep in until nearly sundown. You have duties.¡±


    ¡°I.. I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ve been exhausted. You see, I was held captive for¡­¡± I began.


    ¡°I have no time for your excuses.¡± Paris cut me off. ¡°Here I am, hard at work rebuilding your kingdom and trying to make alliances with other kingdoms to bolster our defenses, and here you are, nowhere to be found. Don¡¯t you wish to¡­¡±


    I reached out and touched his forehead with one of my hands when I noticed something. ¡°You¡¯re bleeding¡­¡±


    Paris stared at me blankly for a moment¡ªthere was blackness in his eyes previously, but it left to reveal a color¡ªblue--for a moment, and then he hastily took my hand from his forehead. ¡°I fell off my horse earlier¡­ I am not a fair rider.¡±


    ¡°You should be more careful. Terry is a very good rider and he can help you¡­¡± I replied.


    The nobles in the dining room snickered and whispered to one another.


    ¡°How can a poor knight make a great king?¡±Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    ¡°He can only make Nui worse¡ªnot better¡ªeven this lowly beast realizes it!¡±


    Paris was not listening to them¡ªalthough he should have been¡ªhe was looking at me searchingly.


    He said not a word to me for the rest of dinner, however.


    What an incompetent king this was. He did not even realize he was bleeding and did not even bother to clean up before dinner. A moth king would never be so careless!


    He kindly told me I could go back to bed after dinner, and I took him up on that offer. I slept well and dreamed sweet dreams. Dreams were the only place where I was happy now.


    I dreaded that Paris would come in in the night and make me sleep with him. I dreaded hearing the door click open and hearing him pad in, but luckily, no such thing happened. And so I slept, and I slept and I slept... I slept until sundown everyday for a week until Paris called in a physician to look at me because Terry pestered him enough to.


    The physician was a human woman who examined me thoroughly in our bedroom after telling me to strip. Paris did his best not to look at me¡ªrepulsed as he was by my beastliness.


    ¡°Any pain, My Lady?¡± Asked the woman.


    I shook my head.


    The woman shrugged and turned to Paris. ¡°She is fine; perhaps evil spirits are clinging to her. I suggest she prays threes times a day--and get her up early, regardless of whether she wants to.¡±


    Paris nodded and the woman went on her way.


    Paris looked at me with a dark expression. ¡°Why are you sleeping all day, Mimi?¡±


    ¡°I am tired.¡± I said without inflection.


    ¡°People are¡­ People are beginning to suspect that I did not consummate the marriage because you spend so much time away from me¡­ If you wish to be spared my touch, I suggest you grow up and start to act like a proper queen. You are beyond lucky to have a station such as this when you are a moth. You should be on your knees and thanking me.¡± He told me darkly.


    I said nothing. I found it hard to think of anything but how tired I felt.


    Paris sighed. ¡°Make sure you smile. I don¡¯t want anyone to know of your sad-sickness.¡±


    He left me alone, then, and I curled up under the covers again and accidentally fell asleep when I promised him I would get up.


    I pray things will look up, my diary. But I am too tired to continue write.

 Chapter 19

    Envenheim 181


    My diary, every day, three times a day, I pray in solitude in the chapel built into our castle--as suggested by the physician and ordered by the king.


    I am praying to any God who will hear me to give me a reason¡ªsome kind of sign or purpose¡ªto keep on living. I stare at the small, six inch statue of a serene human woman looking down upon me from an alcove in the shape of a cross above my head. I clasp my hands together in repentance and kneel on the hard tile of the gorgeous, chapel floor.


    Yellow light shines down upon me from the stain glass windows as I say, ¡°please tell me why.. Give me a reason why you have chosen me to live. I will pray to any God that will hear me¡­ Just answer me. Show me why I am here¡­¡± I said with tears in my eyes.


    My diary, I have begun to prefer the human God, and I hate myself for it. He is forgiving and kind, rather than merciless and cruel. If any God will listen to me, it will be the human God.


    My half-sister Gerta hates me as much as I do for praying to the human God. Everytime she dresses me in the morning, she calls me a heathen for betraying our culture and religion.


    I crave nothing but any kind of scrap of affection anyone is willing to give me, which is why I seek comfort in the arms of a foreign god. My own sister hates me, the humans hate me, and Terry is the only one left who likes me and consoles me.


    After a full week of sleeping in everyday until sundown, I finally got up the strength and will to at least get out of bed each morning. Prayer has brought me back from the land of sleep.


    The king has been kind enough to let me spend as much time as I need away from him. For the most part, I spend the hours of the day sitting in the garden and thinking, praying, and, if I have the energy, reading, and speaking with Terry.


    ¡°Terry, why did you decide to follow me here?¡± I asked him while I was reading in the garden.


    ¡°We are friends! Of course I followed you here! But¡­ There¡¯s something else too, Mimi.¡± Terry replied. ¡°I have always been a¡­ Particularly unruly and sinful person. I¡¯ve always had trouble controlling my angry outbursts. Sometimes I get so angry that I can¡¯t see straight! And before I know it, I hurt someone badly¡­ That¡¯s what I did to another page in the king¡¯s court before I was sent away to be a templar.This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    Terry paused before continuing. "I didn¡¯t fit in with the templars either, though¡­ They were always making fun of me because my mother walks the streets. I just can¡¯t stand it when people mention that woman¡­! Everyday I had to pray twice as hard as everyone else just to keep myself from harming others. But when I went with Caerwyn to rescue you¡­ Well, something about you just soothes me. I just don¡¯t feel angry at all now that I have a great lady to dedicate myself to.¡± Terry explained.


    ¡°Your mother¡­ Walked the streets?¡± I didn¡¯t understand.


    ¡°She¡¯s a whore,¡± Terry clarified. ¡°Do moths not have those?¡±


    I blushed, embarrassed that I asked him something so personal. ¡°No, we don¡¯t. It is our custom to make sure that every mothwoman is bonded to a man. It isn¡¯t hard since men are allowed to have so many wives! But, there are some mothmen who end up without wives and homeless¡­ I feel sorry for them. But Terry, I just can¡¯t imagine you as being angry! You¡¯re so sweet to me.¡±


    ¡°Only to you and to Caerwyn. I have no patience for others.¡± He explained. He laughed a little bitterly. ¡°I¡¯m not a good person¡­¡±


    ¡°You are! Never say that about yourself! You¡¯re my best friend!¡± I countered. "Nobody should talk about my best friend that way! Not even himself!"


    He chuckled at that and we were both quiet for a time before I asked, ¡°Terry, do you think Paris would free my sister if I asked him to¡­?¡±


    Terry looked at me apologetically and shook his head. ¡°No, Mimi, I don¡¯t think so. Humans would not be happy if he did such a thing.¡±


    I sighed and looked down. I wanted her to love me like I did her. I wanted her to understand that I did not want any of this.


    And I ever returned to the chapel to pray for answers. ¡°Please tell me why¡­ Why should I be the one free moth girl? Why should you smite my family and so many other moths? My sister is far more competent than me¡­ She could do more with freedom than I could. Give me an answer. Do you have a reason for sparing me?¡±


    The necklace Caerwyn had given me glinted in the sunlight as I prayed, and I looked at it affectionately and kissed it. ¡°Please¡­ Even if you don¡¯t listen to my prayers, keep Caerwyn safe. I have never known a man, or anyone, with such strong convictions. Gods, I love him more than any moth should love a human.¡±


    _


    And a night came when I had a dream. Caerwyn was kissing me aggressively and unbuttoning my dress. I was not unfamiliar with such passionate dreams about him¡ªbut then something else happened. Darkness came and split the earth between us and all went dark. A moment passed, and the ceiling above us cracked and shed golden light upon us. All around us, humans and moths jeered alike with pitchforks in hand¡ªand then everything around us was set ablaze by the mob.


    I ignored the crowd. I leapt from my patch of cracked earth to Caerwyn¡¯s, and he caught me and held me close. But it was not his face I saw when I looked up; it was Paris¡¯. I felt sick to my stomach in his arms, but¡­


    The crowd stopped jeering.


    However, the world was still aflame.

 Chapter 20

    I awoke with a start in the morning and I breathed harshly for a moment. I looked up at the ceiling with tears in my eyes. I knew this was the sign from god that I had been waiting for. ¡°You wish me to sacrifice my happiness to close the rift between humans and moths? Is that why I am here¡­?¡±


    I felt overwhelmingly sad and relieved at the same time at such an epiphany.


    I was given a purpose. I was given something grand to do with my life. But... I had to give up my own desires to achieve this grand purpose. I didn¡¯t know why it was such an issue¡ªI knew Caerwyn was too much a man of honor and morals to betray his vows, anyway, and he was the only man I had feelings for. He could never even touch me, and it hurt me immeasurably when I had to accept that. I had to let him go and get Paris to like me--maybe even love me, in order to free what was left of the moths.


    I thanked God for the purpose he had given to me, and then my sister arrived on time to bathe and dress me after I had awakened from my dream.


    ¡°Gerta, please just listen to me for a moment¡­¡± I begged her as she scrubbed me down like usual while I sat in the bathwater.


    ¡°I will hear nothing from a woman who has never cared for our culture and prays to a foreign God.¡± Gerta replied firmly.


    And I felt fire in my soul for the first time in my life¡ªa fiery conviction to stand up for and defend myself. ¡°You are a sorry woman for having no love or sympathy for a sister who was kidnapped for eight years only to escape and find her family dead¡ªall but one who treats her as poorly as the humans who enslave her do. You will never know what I have experienced or how I feel. I wouldn¡¯t wish these feelings on anyone.¡±


    Gerta looked at me furiously for a moment. She had a fiery retort of her own--but then her expression mellowed a little. ¡°I couldn¡¯t stand the way you and Kieran got all of Daddy¡¯s affections. I couldn¡¯t stand him in general! He was married to so many women and he loved none of them deeply but yours and Kieran¡¯s. I couldn¡¯t stand you for never seeing how rotten he really was! And then you went about relishing all his gifts and affections while ignoring how abandoned the rest of us felt... It¡¯s as if we had two different fathers as well as mothers.¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°I know he didn¡¯t give you the affection you deserved but¡­¡±


    ¡°Get out.¡± Gerta commanded me. I stepped out of the tub and then she said after helping me into a lovely, cerulean gown, ¡°I¡­ Should not have been so cruel to you. You have suffered unduly¡ªmore than anyone I know¡­ But I still can¡¯t help but hate you. I know that makes me a black-hearted woman, but¡­ I can¡¯t help it.¡±


    I looked at her sincerely. ¡°I understand¡­ I just wish¡ªI wish you would change your mind. I have no friends other than Terry and it gets so lonely¡­ I have had a hard time getting death out of my mind.¡±


    Tears came unbidden to my eyes as they usually did. Ah! Why can''t I stop crying! I would do anything to stop!


    Gerta watched me intently, and then took a deep breath before saying, ¡°a word of advice; no more tears. You must be strong if you hope to survive, Sister.¡± Gerta advised me firmly as tears relentlessly cascaded down my cheeks. ¡°I have no intention of changing my mind¡­ That¡¯s just how I am. The gods may send me to the underworld for loathing you for your beauty and your femininity, but I can¡¯t help it.¡±


    Gerta left, then, and I took many deep breaths and prayed once again.


    After all, I was about to go speak with the frightening king¡ªmy husband.


    __


    ¡°You wish to ride into the city with me?¡± Paris asked me as I interrupted his private morning meeting with his advisors in his cabinet. They were looking over a detailed map of the kingdom set on a high table. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°I am your queen¡ªI wish to help in any way I can¡ªeven if¡­ Even if it¡¯s just by being there for you.¡± I told him and put a hand over his.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    His advisors grinned and bit back laughter. He took his hand away from me with a flinch. ¡°Very well.. you should come. It¡¯s good that you want to get out of the castle, at least. Would you like to come see the newly built homes for the peasants?¡±


    I nodded.


    We set out together on horseback with a few guards trailing after us as we rode out from the castle. Paris'' advisors set out with us to oversee the work of the moth slaves who would be constructing houses for peasants at the edge of the city.


    We road down a long, winding, broken cobblestone path from the castle toward the city which was a pale silhouette, gently coming into view in the distance.


    I wrapped my arms around Paris¡¯ torso to avoid falling off¡ªhe truly wasn¡¯t a fair rider, the ride was so bumpy!--and he realized that I was not riding like a lady should.


    ¡°You don¡¯t know how to ride sidesaddle?¡± He asked as the wind screeched in our ears and nearly drowned out his voice.


    ¡°No¡­ Moths have no need to ride. They have wings¡ªonly, mine stopped working¡­¡± I told him sorrowfully.


    Paris was silent for a moment, and then he replied, ¡°I¡¯m sorry... But in any case, it is not befitting of a lady to ride like a man with her skirts flying up! I shall get a woman to teach you to ride sidesaddle.¡±


    ¡°Very well¡­ Thank you.¡± I answered quietly. I didn¡¯t understand why this was important to him, but I supposed I had no choice but to trust him.


    As we rode further and further from the city, I was subjected, again, to the horrible sight of moth bodies littering the ground. I shielded my eyes and gasped. I could never get those images to leave my mind, and now I was being subjected to them again.


    ¡°Paris,¡± I sniffled. ¡°Please give them a proper burial. Promise me you will.¡±


    ¡°I told them to have them cremated a week ago! Such incompetence!¡± Paris spat in derision.


    ¡°No! Not cremated! They must be buried so that earth god can bless them!¡± I begged him.


    ¡°¡­Very well, my queen. I am¡­ Sorry I subjected you to this again.¡± Paris apologized.


    I sniffled, but did not answer.


    I noticed as we rode into the city that the state of the kingdom was so different¡­ So human, from what it was before. There was hardly a trace of moth culture left. Where there used to be green grass and gigantic trees growing wild as far as the eye could see, there was now cold, ugly, gray stone that echoed beneath the horses feet as it trotted along with ugly, gray, human houses to match. All human kingdoms looked the same... There was no enchantment, no magic, just cold realism.


    We dismounted near a collection of birck and mortar homes that were being built for peasants in the lower half of the city. Moths were slaving away and working as fast as they could--placing bricks on top of one another and smearing mortar on top of those bricks.


    Almost all of the moths were starving and thin.


    They all had slave collars on, and they all looked at me in contempt when they saw me.


    I gasped in horror and clapped my hands to my mouth when I saw that nearly all their wings had been clipped.


    One of the mothwomen heard my gasp and turned around. She growled, picked up a rock, and threw at me. ¡°Whore queen! Abandoning your own people for glamor and safety! You should have stayed locked up in the king¡¯s bedroom where you belong rather than come here!¡±


    I took her insults and did not cry¡ªmostly because I was beginning to think I had used all my tears up.


    One of the other moths¡ªa pitch black one that was lifting many bricks with powerful moth magic, and who made me shiver in apprehension¡ªtouched the woman¡¯s shoulder and shook his head.


    The black moth looked at me curiously and approached me and the king along with the human architect overseer who was watching the moths work.


    The architect had a chain attached to the black moth¡¯s slave collar and was dragging him along by it. I assumed this was standard procedure for all moths who had magic since they were more dangerous.


    ¡°Hello, Your Majesty.¡± The architect said to Paris. When he saw me, he smiled and added, ¡°it¡¯s good to see you too, My Lady.¡±


    I nodded, not taking my eyes from the black moth, and he not taking his eyes from mine.


    ¡°This is our best worker, Morgan. He is something of a talented architect himself and made some clever revisions to my construction plans.¡± The architect said.


    I didn¡¯t like this moth. I saw trouble brewing in his menacing eyes. Black fear clouded my eyes when I looked upon him.


    ¡°Would you like to see the revisions? Make sure you approve of them?¡± The architect asked us.


    ¡°Yes. I¡¯d like to learn all I can about the kingdom so I can be a competent king.¡± Paris replied.


    I followed Paris, his advisors, and the architect to a little stone table set up in the midst of many new houses being built. I tried to listen carefully as the architect explained to us exactly how the houses were being built and exactly how much it was costing, but I couldn''t concentrate. I kept looking at Morgan and couldn¡¯t shake the feeling of fear churning in my stomach.


    His eyes reminded me of the fiery human underworld, hell. The rest of the day was unremarkable, and I thankfully rode home with Paris unscathed.


    But now, it is late at night, and I must stop writing and scaring myself with such thoughts! I have an early day tomorrow with a woman who wishes to teach me to ride sidesaddle.

 Chapter 21

    Envenheim 181


    Learning to ride sidesaddle was a difficult and wearisome task, but I liked having something to do other than pray.


    It also took my mind off of the many horrors I had faced in my life which kept repeating over and over in my head. Sometimes, at night, I would dream I was still locked up in the giants¡¯ cell awaiting someone to come rescue me and I would awake screaming for Caerwyn or Terry, and Terry would come into my bedroom to calm me down. Ah, but I should try to stop writing of misery¡­


    My teacher¡ªa beautiful human woman with raven-black curls named Helena¡ªwas very patient and kind to me. We were having my first lesson in sidesaddle in the garden as it was a wide open space for the horse to trot gently.


    First, she fitted the saddle to the snowy white horse which the prince had gifted to me, and explained to me how to fit it with very specific instructions. After that, she had me do it myself until I got it perfect.


    My diary! I am somewhat terrified of these giant beasts! For I am a defenseless and proper lady! They could kick me and I would die in an instant! I was sweating the whole time while fitting the saddle!


    Regardless, after fitting the saddle to the horse, Helena explained exactly how my posture needed to be.


    ¡°Step in the stirrup and climb up.¡± Helena commanded.


    My vision always became dizzy when someone commanded me to do that, but I obeyed. I hooked my foot in the stirrup and then climbed up onto the saddle.


    ¡°Now, you hook your right knee into the horn there for security and hang both your legs off the side of the horse. Yes, that¡¯s good!¡± Helena remarked as I did my best to follow her instructions while my stomach lurched with queasiness.


    ¡°Now this next part is very important,¡± Helena began. ¡°You must align your spine with the horse''s for both your sake and the animal¡¯s! Let me see you try!¡±


    I looked behind me to see where the horse¡¯s spine was, and I wriggled until I thought I had aligned my own to it. Helena corrected me until I got it perfect.


    ¡°Lastly, you rest your left foot in the stirrup, and your right foot should have your toe up and heel down. Understand?¡±If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    I nodded nervously, and with that, I rode around the garden, gripping the reins gently like a real lady. I couldn¡¯t help but grin! I was having fun for the first time in two months!


    ¡°Oh, look at you! A perfect lady!¡± Helena said with a grin.


    It was a wonderful experience, and I had Paris to thank for it.


    __


    I ran to tell him later in the day how much I enjoyed the lesson, and I found him looking dark, angry, and miserable¡ªhow he looked most of the time¡ªas he gazed over dozens of papers with his advisors in the cabinet room.


    ¡°Paris! Paris!¡± I called to him giddily as I entered the private room.


    His advisors looked at me and then back at Paris and told him, ¡°I know she¡¯s the queen, but she should really ask permission to show up¡­¡±


    Paris smiled a little at me and said to his advisors with a frustrated face, ¡°get the hell out.¡±


    They hurried out with a look of fear on their faces, and I told him when they left, ¡°Paris! I rode sidesaddle! I looked so regal¡ªI felt like a real princess!¡±


    Paris chuckled a little. ¡°You¡¯re a queen, not a princess. I¡¯m glad I could make you smile after the horror I subjected you to yesterday¡­ I can¡¯t apologize enough.¡±


    I looked down at the mention of the bodies. ¡°Did you¡­ Did you bury them?¡±


    He nodded silently.


    ¡°Thank you¡­¡± I was silent for a moment, and then I said to him, ¡°you look so miserable! What are all these documents you¡¯re poring over!¡±


    I glided over to his side and leaned over his shoulder.


    It looked like it was all very confusing legal stuff... ¡°This looks really confusing¡­ Can I help you in any way?¡±


    Paris leaned his cheek on his hand with a sigh. ¡°No, this is not for women. I¡¯m meeting with a foreign king today, however. I hope to gain an alliance with him so that he might support us with his resources. My father doesn¡¯t spend much gold on Nui, which is why all this is such a headache. We need to rebuild before we can start taxing people to support the crown. If you¡¯d like, you can help me receive this king. I need you to be charming, though. Charming as you usually are.¡±


    I was nervous about it, but I had practice in doing it, so I wasn¡¯t too worried. My mother had instructed me how to be charming and receive guests intensively. I had successfully received many a foreign king with my mother¡¯s help at my Daddy¡¯s court.


    I giggled and replied, ¡°I can do that. But I think you need to get out of this dusty castle! Ride into the city with me!¡±


    He glanced at me with a dark look on his face and muttered lowly. ¡°I have no time for your silliness. You should be sewing with the other women.¡±


    I cringed in fear at how scary he could become, but I remembered what Terry had said earlier about me and tried to put it to use. You have a calming effect on me.


    I reached out and ran one of my four ivory hands through his black hair. ¡°You should relax before you receive this foreign king...¡±


    He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed heavily with a smile on his face, but then he stood up abruptly and smacked my hand away. ¡°Do not touch me, beast. But very well, I will ride into the city with you.¡±


    I looked down. I knew he would never consider me anything more than a beast, but I had to try if I was to close this rift between humans and moths.


    But this was a dark and angry man, and I was fearful of him. Not like my Caerwyn. My Caerwyn was sweet and didn¡¯t see a beast looking at him; he saw a woman.

 Chapter 22

    I made use of my newly attained sidesaddle skills and used them on the back of Paris¡¯ horse on our way out to the city. We brought along twenty or so guards following us including Terry. I suggested to Paris that we should make an appearance to the common folk while we were out in the city to make a good impression on them and show them that we were worthy of their respect. Paris liked the idea immensely. He had one of his servants announce to the peasants and nobles ahead of time that we would be coming to introduce ourselves.


    According to my dream, in order to heal the rift between humans and moths so that moths might someday be free again, I had to romance this thoroughly withdrawn and withholding prince.


    I was an innocent girl¡ªI had never tried to romance anyone before, and I didn¡¯t know how. My clumsy attempt earlier nearly worked--perhaps it was because he was not one for words and liked to be touched instead? Or maybe it was because he was as clumsy with women as I was with men. I wrapped my arms very tightly about him as he rode and I leaned against his back as we rode.


    He glanced backward with a look of reproach on his face but said nothing.


    I noticed as we left the inner city (where mostly rich noblemen were housed) and entered peasant territory that hardly anyone was out and about but for a few of the guards.


    It was silent outside. Frighteningly silent.


    ¡°Something is wrong my queen!¡± Terry announced.


    I squealed in fear as many moth slaves dashed out from hiding places all around the city and surrounded us.


    One of them sliced through the legs of the king¡¯s horse with a sword and the horse collapsed with a whinny. Me and Paris tumbled to the ground with it.


    Our guards quickly encircled us and were fighting off and easily dispatching many of the moth slaves who were untrained and not mounted as our guards were.


    But our mounted knights were simply being overwhelmed and outnumbered by the forty or so moth slaves attacking us¡ªand soon enough, our guards were forcibly unhorsed as we were.


    Paris commanded me to get behind him and I fearfully did so¡ªpraying I would not die here.


    Paris unsheathed his blade and clashed with an armed moth slave who disarmed him in three swings. The moth jabbed at him with a quick motion but Paris quickly dodged¡ªaccidentally leaving me out in the open. The moth grinned maliciously at me.


    I was the one he wanted.


    My heart stopped and I screamed as the moth slave dragged the tip of his sword down the middle of my face.


    Hot blood ran down my face as I shrieked in fear.


    Paris quickly jumped back in front of me after picking up his sword--and would have died as the moth slave lunged directly at Paris¡¯ heart if Terry had not jumped in front of the king and blocked for him.This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    The red-headed templar to be quickly sliced the moth slave¡¯s stomach and he died.


    Paris and I were encircled and shielded bodily by our guards and, thankfully, the foolish, novice moth slaves were no match for our highly trained knights.


    There was only one moth left at the end¡ªthe leader of the small revolt.


    I was weeping heavily and the king¡ªwho took me in his arms sympathetically--looked at the moth with contempt. ¡°I shall have you hanged and your head mounted on a pike for wounding my queen!¡±


    I couldn¡¯t stop crying as hot blood continuously ran down my face--which I hid fearfully in the king¡¯s chest.


    After a moment, the king lifted my head and made me look at him as I wept. ¡°Would it make you happy to kill this man with your own two hands?¡±


    I wiped my eyes after a moment and shook my head.


    I tried to clear my head of the stormy fear that was clouding it, and wished my heart would stop thumping so loudly, but I tried to be brave as I turned to the slave and asked, ¡°this was all your idea?¡±


    The mothman nodded. ¡°You¡¯re sleeping with the enemy! You are a curse to our kind!¡±


    I looked at the king with pleading eyes. ¡°Please don¡¯t kill him; he is stupid and foolish, but not evil! If you want the slaves to stay amiable and think you good and kind, you should spare him. I beg of you¡­¡±


    Paris looked at me intently and ran his thumb down my cheek. ¡°What a soft and kind heart you have, my queen¡­ I am truly touched by it, but he must be made an example of.¡±


    I threw myself to my knees and begged the king for my attacker¡¯s life. I claped on of his hands in mind. ¡°He is confused and filled with rage! Most of them expected me to kill myself rather than be your queen¡ªfor that would have been the most honorable death for a moth--but I did not. They are all repulsed and hateful of me because of it. I must show them kindness so we can avoid an attack like this in the future. Please my king, just lock him away! Do not kill him!¡±


    I wept at Paris¡¯ feet, and everyone around me was dead silent.


    Paris grabbed my shoulders and lifted me up by them. He looked into my eyes for a moment and couldn¡¯t resist an impulse to kiss my forehead gently before turning to the mothman who led the revolt and saying, ¡°you should thank the queen for your life, you wretch! Take him away!¡±


    __


    We rode back to the castle after that and had my wound dressed. The physician said to me and the king sympathetically, ¡°I¡¯m sorry; you¡¯ll probably always have this scar¡ªI can¡¯t get rid of it.¡±


    At one time in my life, it was so hard to believe I thought myself to be the prettiest moth girl in all the land. First, I was proved wrong by humans who consistently told me I was a hideous beast, and now, I was proved ugly even to myself due to the scar running down my fur.


    Our physician left and we were left alone in our bedroom. Paris slammed his fist against the wall. ¡°Dammit! Why am I such a useless king! Why couldn¡¯t I protect you! I am a failure as a knight and as a man!¡±


    I was sitting on the bed, and he was standing with his back facing me.


    I looked down at my feet silently. ¡°Is that why your father hates you? Because you can¡¯t fight or ride a horse?¡±


    ¡°Chivalry is everything to a man and I fail at every aspect of it! Of course my father hates me!¡¯ He replied and slammed his fists against the wall over and over again in frustration.


    I was very terrified of him still, but I still had a goal I needed and wanted to achieve. And, I craved comfort¡ªcomfort of any kind. I hugged him from behind and leaned into him affectionately. ¡°I don¡¯t care that you can¡¯t fight¡­ I hate fighting and swords¡ªthey terrify me dreadfully.¡±


    He stopped slamming his fists against the wall and just enjoyed my embrace for a moment. His palms and fingers were stretched out on the wall.


    He turned to me in another moment and pushed me away a little gruffly. ¡°I told you not to touch me, woman.¡±


    Paris trudged to the door, then, and left me alone to mourn my lost beauty.


    I held Caerwyn¡¯s sapphire necklace in hand and thought how strange it was that a man with nothing between his legs was twice the man as this one.


    I will write again later.

 Chapter 23

    Envenheim 181


    I had no time to mourn my beauty. For in just two hours, I had to help Paris greet the foreign king he wished to make an alliance with.


    ¡°You do not have to help me if you do not wish to, Mimi.¡± Paris told me when he came to our bedroom to check on me again. ¡°Do not feel pressured.¡±


    I had just gotten dressed suitably for greeting royalty with the help of my half-sister. She picked out the dress Caerwyn had given me and lathered me up in a sweet-smelling perfume. After that, she had lightly dabbed my fur in human makeup to make me really stand out. I shook my head. ¡°I wish to help you. I would do anything to be of use to you¡­¡±


    I chose those words specifically because I thought they were what he wanted to hear. Those words rang of someone who wanted to be his, and of someone who would love him no matter what. That was what I thought he needed.


    It was what I needed and wanted, after all.


    And Paris looked at me with an expression mixed with desire and hesitance. He said, ¡°I won¡¯t stop you if you wish to come¡­¡±


    ¡°We have an hour, right?¡± I asked. ¡°I want to really charm them. I have a plan.¡±


    Paris raised an eyebrow. ¡°Yes, we still have an hour.¡±


    ¡°I want to cook for them and attend to them myself, if that¡¯s okay. We don¡¯t need slaves to do it. I think they might find that to be very quaint.¡± I told Paris hopefully.


    Paris smiled a little at that¡ªhe could be cute when he smiled, despite the ugly scar on his face. I wondered if he thought the same thing about me. ¡°I think that¡¯s a very good idea!¡±If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    ¡°Good¡­ I have some moth delicacies I want to try with the help of the moth slaves and some human food I want to try with the help of Terry.¡± I said to Paris excitedly.


    ¡°I¡¯ll leave you to it then.¡± Paris left, then, and I had Terry¡ªwho always guarded my door--summon my sister. We all headed to the kitchen to cook and direct the slaves about what we were going to cook.


    ¡°Gerta, what was that leafy thing with the noodles you used to cook?¡± I asked her.


    ¡°Tyuri, My Lady.¡± Gerta was proper when we were around humans and other moth slaves.


    ¡°Terry, do you know any extra-special human recipes?¡± I asked him.


    He nodded. ¡°Of course.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll help you make it.¡± I said to him.


    And, in under an hour, the kitchen bustled and we put together a magnificent feast.


    __


    I was ready to greet the foreign king with Paris at the front of the castle. Paris said this king was king of a land across the sea--a land that was just as poor as ours, and so if we said and did the right things, he would be likely to form an alliance with us.


    This foreign king bowed to us and introduced himself along with his brother and a few of the other important nobles he brought with him.


    ¡°Greetings, my name is Tomoya. This is my brother, Akira.¡±


    I, in return, curtsied gracefully and Paris bowed deeply. Paris introduced us, ¡°this is my lovely wife, Mimi, and I am Paris.¡±


    Tomoya looked at me curiously. ¡°So it¡¯s true¡­ You did marry a moth princess.¡±


    I stayed quiet and let Paris do the talking. ¡°She¡¯s a lovely girl¡ªmost human women pale in comparison to her. She would like to attend to you personally while you¡¯re here. She is hard working and kind to a fault.¡±


    I curtsied lowly again. ¡°I am at your beck and call¡­¡±


    Tomoya smiled and kissed my hand. ¡°She certainly is charming. I never heard of a queen who serves instead of slaves.¡±


    I smiled my most brilliant smile in return to try and sweep him off his feet. He couldn¡¯t take his eyes off of me for a moment before Paris seemed to jealously help me to my feet and bring me to his side.


    ¡°She prepared a magnificent meal for you with the help of the slaves. Would you like to eat first and then talk of alliances?¡± Paris asked.


    Tomoya nodded while not taking his eyes off of me. ¡°Very well.¡±

 Chapter 24

    We ate in the private dining hall as opposed to the public one so we could get to know one another in close quarters. The dinner table, although still huge, was much smaller and thankfully easier for me to manage than the public one would have been. It was a giant, wooden table, reaching from one side of the small room to the other with an ornate cloth sitting on top of it.


    First I seated each and every noble--pulling out their seats for them, and then pushing them in once they had sat--and then I waited on all of the nobles as they ate. They all told me which dish they wished to try, and I set about serving it to them.


    Tomoya said to Paris, as I moved around the table with a smile on my face, ¡°she is such a delight! May I ask what happened to her face¡­?¡±


    Paris had a dark look on his face. ¡°There was a slave revolt earlier¡ªthey scarred her lovely face, but she was still brave and kind enough to attend to you this evening.¡±


    Tomoya frowned. ¡°If we make this alliance, we must make sure such a lovely girl is protected properly.¡±


    Paris nodded aggressively. I found it strange how they began to consider me a human, but still considered my people to be nothing more than beasts.


    After awhile, I was able to sit down and rest my legs. Paris made polite and civil conversation with Tomoya and everyone at the table was full and satisfied.


    Eventually, the talk turned to the kings who had the power to smite the moth kingdoms with a single lightning bolt.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know how they did it¡­ Humans aren¡¯t supposed to possess such power--only moths are supposed to have evil magic--and yet I saw my late father smite a moth kingdom with my own eyes. It isn¡¯t long before we humans may start turning on one another with such power. I think it is good to at least speak of alliances before such things come to happen.¡± Tomoya said thoughtfully.


    Paris nodded. ¡°Truly. Do you have any idea where this power comes from? My father rode out to Nui one day with a strange affect--he didn''t seem like himself--and stood on a nearby hill overlooking the castle. He brought down his finger and a magical lightning bolt smote the land in twain. God, I had never seen him so dark and frightening. It was as if he lost his soul momentarily.¡±


    Tomoya nodded grimly. ¡°Same with my father¡­ I wish I knew where this power came from. The idea that we can destroy each other so easily is terrifying. Has your father used his powers for anything else?¡±


    Paris shook his head. ¡°He hardly even talks about Nui anymore; it¡¯s strange, when I ask him about it, he seems to like to pretend he never even destroyed it¡ªlike he never even had such power when he clearly did. Oddly enough, I have never seen him use magic for anything else since that first time.¡±


    Tomoya took a bite of food before saying, ¡°same with mine. May I ask how you met your lovely wife?¡±


    Paris looked at me and then back to Tomoya. ¡°My father insisted I marry her to keep relations between the moth slaves and humans good as I would be ruling over a formerly moth kingdom. I wasn¡¯t happy about it at first, but she¡¯s turned out to be the loveliest angel in my life. Truly the kindest woman I¡¯ve ever met.¡±The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    I looked down at my feet and blushed under my fur. I didn¡¯t know whether he meant it, but at least he sounded sincere.


    ¡°The world could use more women like her. My own wife is difficult at the best of times¡­ Well, shall we talk now of this proposed alliance?¡± Tomoya asked.


    ¡°Certainly. Follow me,¡± Paris stood up, and, on his way out, leaned on the table and kissed the back of my head affectionately. ¡°Thank you, My Lady.¡±


    I watched them go and then finished my meal. I retired for the night with sore feet.


    Terry sat with me in my bedroom and played chess with me for awhile before I went to bed.


    ¡°You did so well, Mimi!¡± Terry exclaimed. ¡°You¡¯ve come so far from not being able to cook to cook to cooking something so magnificent!¡±


    ¡°Are you kidding me! It was all thanks to you! You taught me how to cook and curtsy!¡± I said cheerily and embraced my friend. ¡°I don¡¯t know where I¡¯d be without you, Kieran!¡±


    Terry cocked his head to the side. ¡°Kieran?¡±


    I blinked in confusion and in a moment realized my mistake. ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­ You just remind me so much of my brother¡­¡±


    Terry grinned. ¡°I¡¯d love to be your brother, Mimi! I don¡¯t mind!¡±


    I was nearly in tears by how much he cared for me. It was like I had a member of my family back. This success, however small, was thanks to him.


    After a moment of silence, we went back to our game of chess. Terry almost always won, and he was on the verge of winning again when I asked, ¡°Terry¡­ Do you have any news of Caerwyn?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s still on a pilgrimage. Why?¡± He asked.


    I forgot he didn¡¯t know of my infatuation with him and I just replied. ¡°I guess I just miss him.¡±


    ¡°Me too¡­ He¡¯s like a brother to me.¡± Terry said with a sigh.


    Suddenly, the door clicked open and Paris entered. Terry looked Paris¡¯ way and then bowed to him and left the room.


    ¡°It went really well; the deal is practically closed!¡± Paris exclaimed excitedly as he approached me with the most cheerful expression I had ever seen on his face. I was still sitting on the floor in front of the chess board, but he gave me a hand and helped me up. ¡°It¡¯s all thanks to you¡­¡±


    He stroked my face with one finger and I blushed immensely under my fur with a chill running up my body. ¡°It was nothing, Paris. I said I would do anything for you.¡±


    Paris asked me, ¡°are you going to bed?¡±


    I nodded silently, expecting him to leave, but he stayed.


    ¡°Can I help you undress?¡± He asked nervously.


    I was stunned. I honestly didn¡¯t know whether I wanted him to. I pray no one will ever read this as I begin to unravel my secret thoughts, my diary?.


    I was getting older and older, and my thoughts ever turned to kissing and naked men?. There were days when I thought I couldn¡¯t stand another moment of being a virgin, and days when I thought I could go my whole life as a virgin. I didn¡¯t even know how I felt about Paris, other than thinking he was getting handsomer lately despite the ugly scar on his thin and sallow face. My heart wanted him, but my head wished me to exercise caution. This was a dangerous man, after all.


    I nervously nodded and decided to see how I¡¯d feel about it, however. I wanted anyone¡¯s touch at the moment¡ªeven if just hours before he had stormed out of the room and left me alone to grieve my beauty.


    He untied the back of my dress and slipped it off one shoulder while kissing the base my neck and it sent another shiver up my spine.


    He saw the necklace looped around my neck suddenly and asked curiously, ¡°who gave this to you¡­? I never noticed it.¡±


    I was enjoying his kisses, and it took me a moment to realize what he was saying.


    With a frown I remembered Caerwyn and my ultimate desire to be his bride but I was forced to say, ¡°no one important.¡±


    Paris took the necklace off and then slipped my dress the rest of the way off. I stared ahead blankly, unsure of what I wanted as he continued kissing my neck. He wrapped his arms around me¡ªleaning into me and kissing my shoulder.


    I turned around and said to him, ¡°please¡­ I need a little more time.¡±


    He looked severely disappointed and wouldn¡¯t remove his hands for a moment, but then he nodded and took them away. ¡°Very well¡­¡±


    ¡°Thank you¡­¡± I embraced him with a small smile.


    He turned on his heel and left.


    I picked up the necklace he had laid aside. I let myself sob for a moment and asked aloud, ¡°why can¡¯t I let you go¡­?¡±


    To think that I thought I was done with tears¡­ I may never be.


    I am in such a bad way, my diary. I will write later.

 Chapter 25

    Envenheim 181


    Paris avoided me around the castle for the next three days. Even when I went directly to him, he would leave the room with some excuse. I wondered if he was offended by me rejecting his affections. The only time we would see one another was at dinner while he made negotiations with the foreign king.


    I still didn¡¯t know how to feel about Paris; he wasn¡¯t the sort of man I ever had in mind for a husband--but I needed him to love me if I ever wished to free the moth slaves. Paris had all the power, and the only way I could ever achieve my dream was through him. If I had been thinking, I would have let him make love to me. It would have only furthered my goal, but¡­


    Gods, it was like selling my body for power. I wanted to respect myself more than that¡ªI wanted to give my body to someone I really loved.


    Like Caerwyn.


    It was strange to have only known a man for a short time and to know he was the only one I wanted. That almost-kiss he gave me counted for all of the ones Paris had given me and was twice as invigorating.


    Maybe I just needed to know Paris better; maybe I could convince myself to adore him as much as I did Caerwyn. But It was hard to do when he was avoiding me. It was also hard to do when I knew nothing about him except that he and his father didn¡¯t like one another and that he seemed to always have a rather dour disposition.


    While the foreign king was at the castle, I tried to settle into a natural rhythm of daily activities befitting a queen.


    Ever since I had gotten better and stopped sleeping in until sundown each day, I found myself things to do around the castle. Some of the things, Terry told me, were unbefitting of a queen to do.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to clean, Mimi¡­ There are slaves for that.¡± Terry told me.


    ¡°I¡¯m bored! All I do is read and sew and crotchet and gossip with the human nobles!¡± I replied tersely.


    There was a group of human women I liked to accompany in the garden. They were oftentimes jealous of my four arms because they allowed me to multitask. I would read and at the same time I would crotchet with my free arms.


    ¡°My Lady! I am so jealous! You are able to knit and grow your mind at the same time by reading! What are you making?¡± A blond noble lady by the name of Elizabeth asked me.


    ¡°Oh... I¡¯m just making something for the king.¡± I explained. ¡°It¡¯s a knitted blanket.¡±


    Elizabeth was a kind, human lady. She was chubby, but pretty, and the other ladies liked to talk about her weight behind her back. It seemed like she was just as rejected by them as I was.


    ¡°Oh! How cute! I think it¡¯s very sweet that you love the king so much despite the two of you being so different!¡± Elizabeth exclaimed. ¡°You know, I¡¯ve heard that the foreign king here¡ªTomoya, is his name, I think?¡ªI heard rumors from one of the slaves that he and his wife are having issues already! Supposedly they have no great love for one another and she won¡¯t let Tomoya consummate the marriage! Quite scandalous, don¡¯t you think?¡±


    I looked down. I understood how the foreign queen felt.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    As I got older, I began to realize that women, both human and moth, were just tokens to be traded and fought over. I loved cooking dinner for Paris, keeping his castle clean, mending his clothes, and, if I loved him as much as I loved Caerwyn, I would love making love to him and being his wife¡ªbut I was given to him against my will, and not out of love for him. I seemed to have been sold to him as a cruel joke that his father found funny.


    When I was younger, I thought being a wife and mother was the loveliest profession one could ever have. To devote yourself to another entirely¡ªto raise his children and take care of a family, was my greatest desire. But, it was something I thought would happen of my own affections with someone I loved. How foolish I had been to ignore the way the world worked. Even if I had married a mothman like I thought I would when I was younger, he would not be one picked of my own desires. I would ever be a man¡¯s token, and never his wife.


    I sighed while knitting. Even if my own desires would never come to fruition, I could at least try to free my people.


    I wanted my plans to move forward faster.


    Later in the day, as I cooked dinner with Terry, my sister, and the moth slaves, I began thinking of ways to make relations between me and the moth slaves improve. They hated me so much they tried to kill me¡ªand it made sense. Moths were very much tied to their honor (but in different ways than humans were), and, from what I remembered of our religion, it stated it was okay to kill yourself to get out of a shameful situation.


    I thought of Elizabeth¡¯s gossip earlier.


    I grinned while cooking. Maybe I could spread some gossip of my own.


    __


    Later in the day, as I was serving the foreign king and Paris dinner with the help of Gerta--my feet had been very tired for the past few days and I wished to have help this time around--there was much wine drunk by everyone at the table. Since negotiations were practically finished, they did not have to keep their minds clear any longer during dinner.


    Paris drank many glasses of wine and was in a foul mood as he had been for the past three days. He was deathly quiet as the nobles around him asked for glass after glass of wine and made idle conversation.


    Many of the nobles were looking at my half-sister.


    ¡°Do you think she¡¯s as much a lady as the queen?¡± One whispered.


    ¡°Her fur looks as smooth as chocolate, and look how shapely she is¡­ I¡¯d like to take her back to our kingdom.¡± Another whispered.


    Gerta looked extremely uncomfortable, but kept serving them wine and food dutifully. I worried about her and watched her closely.


    While Gerta leaned over to pour more wine for a noble, he grabbed her by the hips and dragged her down to his lap. "What a beauty! I see what you see in them, King Paris!"


    Gerta tried to struggle free from his grasp as heforced his lips upon her repeatedly and tried to unbutton her dress. She screamed and wept and it seemed I was the only one who noticed what was happening. Paris was miserably gazing into his wine and the other nobles were being loud and obnoxious.


    She was only a slave to them, after all.


    I flew to my sister¡¯s side and smacked the man as hard as I could across the face. I then pulled my sister hastily out of his grasp. ¡°Get your filthy hands off my sister!¡±


    The man stood up and loomed over us while Gerta held me close for comfort. ¡°What gives a moth whore the right to touch a noble?¡±


    I trembled under his shadow as he returned my slap. He hit me so hard it burned, but I did not back away. I stared him down with tears gracing my eyes.


    Paris--who had finally noticed what was happening along with Tomoya and all the other nobles at the table--rushed to my side and took me protectively into his arms. ¡°Did you just hit my wife?¡±


    The noble¡ªdrunk out of his mind¡ªlooked at Paris and answered, ¡°she is a moth! You can treat them as you like.¡±


    Paris trembled with rage and lifted one of his hands to strike, but thought better of it and put it back down. He turned to Tomoya. ¡°My wife will not be treated like this. Are you going to punish your man or shall I call off the alliance?¡±


    Tomoya spluttered, ¡°of course he will be punished. Shall I have his hand cut off, My Lady?¡±


    Gerta whispered in my ear, ¡°I want him dead! I want him dead!¡±


    I patted her back. I didn¡¯t want to ruin Paris¡¯ alliance over this and I wanted to keep relations between the moths and the humans good. ¡°Cut his hand off, please.¡±


    Tomoya nodded. ¡°Tomorrow, it will be done.¡±


    I told Gerta to get some rest and I waited on the nobles by myself for the rest of the night.

 Chapter 26

    Before I went to sleep, I continued knitting the blanket for Paris alone in my quarters.


    I sweated nervously, unable to get my sister¡¯s molestation out of my mind. I wanted that pig dead as much as she did¡ªeven if he didn¡¯t deserve such a harsh punishment. From thinking about that awful moment, my mind flitted about to every unpleasant memory I had lurking in my mind, and I couldn¡¯t stop trembling as I knitted.


    Being locked up for eight years, covered in filth, having barely a bite to eat everyday, and wasting away¡­ Being called ugly by the human princes who rescued their human ladies and being left to rot by them¡­ Almost being killed in that border town by human guards, being consistently insulted and hated by the boys in the templar temple; and just recently, almost killed by my own people¡­ And of course, losing my whole family but for Gerta amongst it all.


    I rested the blanket I was knitting on my knees and put a hand on my forehead, taking deep breaths to try and calm my thumping, nervous heart.


    Suddenly, the door clicked open and Paris entered.


    I was furious at him. I stood up angrily.


    ¡°You did nothing while that man¡ªwhile he... To my own sister!¡±


    ¡°I did not know she was your sister. And I apologize, I was very drunk.¡± He answered.


    ¡°That isn¡¯t new for you, I imagine. Just like on our wedding day...!¡± I shouted. ¡°It shouldn¡¯t matter whether she was my sister or not¡­ She is still one of my people! She deserves some amount of dignity!


    Paris looked at me with bleary eyes. ¡°They do not view you as people¡ªas well they shouldn¡¯t. You are a beast, as are your people.¡±


    I stomped my foot. ¡°I am not a beast! I am your wife!¡±


    He was crying silently as he looked at me with passion in his eyes. ¡°No one will see you as that. To think I was so tempted by you the other day that I should forget my humanity and try to make love to a beast¡ªand was refused by her.¡±


    ¡°Is that what your dour mood has been about?¡± I said sarcastically. ¡°That you want me desperately but you are afraid of your own feelings and what other people will think of you?¡±


    He approached me menacingly and stared down at me with piercing eyes. I stared back fearlessly.


    He could not hurt me anymore than I had already been hurt.


    His eyes flitted to the side sadly after a moment.


    ¡°I am afraid of what God would think of me for wanting a beast.¡± He answered lowly.


    ¡°Have you not read your own scripture? It tells you to treat all things of intelligence equally.¡± I countered.


    ¡°And who is to judge if you are intelligent? Your people are savages who worship gods who demand wicked and bloody sacrifices, your men have dozens of wives and treat them as interchangeable, and you have evil black magic buried deep within your souls rather than white faith! Some of your people were so primitive they went around wearing nothing but loin cloths and barely spoke a coherent word!¡± He rose his voice angrily and back her toward the wall. ¡°And I know that deep within the soul of every woman is a demon who only wants gold and fine jewelry. You are a double threat!¡±


    I gritted my teeth and shoved him weakly, ¡°why don¡¯t you go drown your sorrow in wine again? If you think me a beast, why not kill me right here and now to get out of this sham marriage?¡±Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    He had backed me up against the wall and was looming over me. There were still tears rolling down his cheeks and I realized he was still drunk at this very moment. He was swaying and his breath smelled foul. In a moment, he sank to the floor clumsily.


    Quietly he murmured, ¡°I am sorry¡­ I have never loved a woman the way I love you. I have never been possessed by such raw attractions. There is no human woman I have ever found as alluring as you. Princesses my Father set me up with¡­ Human chambermaids I took a fancy to. They were all just after something. But you¡ªthere¡¯s something more to you. I want whatever it is that makes you so sweet and keeps you so innocent¡­¡± He slurred his words drowsily.


    I looked into his eyes and saw hurt; hurt that had taken root deep within his soul and made his heart as cold and black as his black hair.


    I realized we were the same sort. Damage had been done to us¡ªirreparable damage that set us on different paths¡ªbut damage nonetheless. If we were both broken people, maybe this man was my missing piece.


    I said to him again what I said before¡ªrealizing I had to get him to continue lusting after me, ¡°I would do anything for you, Your Majesty.¡±


    ¡°No woman would ever willingly say such a thing to me. You are manipulating me with such sweet words, aren¡¯t you?¡± He replied with a hiccup. ¡°If you would do anything for me, would you take me somewhere to sleep¡­ I fear I will fall over.¡±


    ¡°You can stay here tonight,¡± I offered. ¡°I¡¯ll go find somewhere else to sleep¡­¡±


    He grabbed my shoulders and asked me, ¡°sleep with me?¡±


    I shook my head with a grin. ¡°Not tonight.¡±


    I undressed him and couldn¡¯t help but stare as I had never seen a naked man before. I looked away with embarrassment after a moment and then helped him into bed.


    Before I left, he seized my wrist. ¡°Mimi¡­ I am sorry I didn¡¯t defend your sister. I am sorry I can¡¯t defend you. Please forgive me.¡±


    I smoothed his hair back and kissed his forehead. ¡°You¡¯re trying, at least--but no more drinking!¡±


    __


    The next day, while I was knitting with the other ladies in the garden, I set my plans into motion. ¡°I¡¯ve been giving much of my gold and some of my jewelry to the slaves to keep them happy. I have also been allowing them to have bigger meals so they can feed their starving children. Oh! You ladies should have been present during dinner last night. One of the human nobles tried to molest one of the slaves and I had to intervene to protect the poor, miserable waif!¡±


    I had been to the moth slaves quarters before. They did, indeed, have starving children and were very poorly taken care of.


    Elizabeth and the other women gasped. ¡°My Lady, you should not encourage the beasts!¡±


    ¡°I know¡± I agreed. ¡°But even if the rest of those beasts are not intelligent as I am, we should try to keep things as pleasant as we can between us and them to prevent any future attacks.¡±


    I knew these ladies would spread that gossip to their husbands and, in turn, they may spread it around in a nearby tavern, which would eventually trickle down to the peasants and the moth slaves might eventually hear of it. Maybe then I could win back their favor and work to mend relations with them. I also told Terry to spread the gossip¡ªboth the lie about giving gold and the truth about protecting my sister¡ªto as many guards as he could.


    __


    Later in the day, I found Gerta cleaning up the kitchen. She was scrubbing the floor with a wet rag. She glanced at me frantically, and then back at her work.


    ¡°Gerta¡­ Are you okay?¡± I asked her.


    She shook her head. ¡°I feel so nervous. My hands won¡¯t stop trembling.¡±


    I came closer to her and knelt at her side¡ªdipping my fancy dress into the water she was spreading around on the floor. ¡°I failed you¡ªI¡¯m sorry.¡±


    She shook her head. ¡°You did everything you could¡ªif it weren¡¯t for you, who knows what might have¡­¡±


    She looked me in the eye. ¡°That was so brave. Thank you.¡±


    After a moment she went back to scrubbing furiously. ¡°Your husband is worthless! He let that man hit you and abuse his slave while he had glass after glass of wine! Disgusting!¡±


    I said nothing. I didn¡¯t like her talking about him that way.


    I decided to help her clean up, and we spoke of old and good times we used to have in our childhood.


    __


    Paris was gone most of the day. With his alliance completed, he saw King Tomoya off without me in tow because I couldn¡¯t stand to be in the company of a man who had treated my sister so poorly.


    Instead, I set about finishing Paris¡¯ blanket.


    I needed to get him to open up and tell me why he was such a gloomy man if I were to make him mine. I had to convince him to do things he would never in his right mind do¡ªlike free the moth slaves.


    And, I genuinely wanted to make such a miserable man happy. If he wanted my sweetness and my innocence, I would give it to him in the shape of a blanket.


    I will write again later.

 Chapter 27

    Envenheim 181


    For the next two weeks, I listened closely for any new gossip from slaves, nobles, and guards alike on the moth slaves¡¯ disposition towards me, but unfortunately, I heard nothing.


    Paris was thoroughly embarrassed about his drunken encounter with me and was still avoiding me as much as he could. That would not do for my plans to continue. I asked him many times to ride into the city with me, but he refused saying that it was too dangerous for me.


    ¡°And have your face scarred up again? I think not.¡± He replied simply.


    Paris¡¯ alliance with Tomoya was a blessing. His father hadn¡¯t given him many funds at all to repair Nui and it was hard to afford the material to build houses and shops for individuals to make a livelihood. But, with the new alliance, Tomoya had more materials being sent to us and in return Paris gave him some of his moth slaves which he had an abundance of and Tomoya needed.


    Paris had become very paranoid about my safety. It wasn¡¯t just Terry guarding me most of the day now; he ordered two more guards to follow me about the castle and protect me at all times. It was suffocating, but I wondered if this was just how he was trying to show affection.


    As I sat in the garden¡ªever working on Paris¡¯ blanket and hiding it whenever he would approach me unannounced¡ªParis arrived with that terrifying black moth Morgan in tow. One of the guards was dragging him by the chain attached to his slave collar.


    ¡°My Queen, I can¡¯t stop worrying about your safety. My advisors suggested that we have a powerful moth mage at the castle to protect you if need be.¡± Paris told me firmly.


    The black moth stared at me with his red eyes and I frantically stood up from the chair I was knitting in and said to Paris worriedly, ¡°I¡¯m fine, Paris. I don¡¯t need another guard. Three is quite enough.¡±


    ¡°Please My Queen, it would allay my fears.¡± He said sweetly.


    I made a face and crossed my arms, but couldn¡¯t refuse him when he was being kind. I had to show him I appreciated that side of him. I curtsied. ¡°Thank you, Your Majesty.¡±


    ¡°He will have many duties throughout the castle, so he won¡¯t be following you around at all times.¡± Paris said with a smile¡ªglad that I accepted this token of his kindness.


    One of my guards¡ªa blonde-haired man by the name of Jonathan¡ªtook the black moth¡¯s chain from Paris¡¯ guard and dragged him roughly to his side.


    I should be feeling sorry for this poor black moth instead of feeling fearful of him. Like most moth slaves, he was starving, and to live your life on a chain was a cruel, cruel fate. But I just couldn¡¯t stop my blood from chilling when I looked at him. Such an evil, black color he was!


    The black moth sat down cross-legged as I knitted with the other ladies of the court and spoke of pleasant things. He was silent as all slaves were around nobles, but he kept staring at me consistently. My blood turned to ice when he looked at me!


    __


    Later in the day I went to go find Paris to try to beg him once again to take me into the city. I told my guards I wished to see my husband alone, and even though they protested over and over that Paris¡¯ orders were to always keep an eye on me, they got sick of arguing with me and waited for me at my quarters while I went to Paris.This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    At this time of day, he was always in the cabinet having a private meeting with his advisors. I was about to barge in when I heard the king saying, ¡°children¡­?¡±


    ¡°Your Majesty, I do not know whether it is possible for a human to conceive with a moth, but you have to get her pregnant as quickly as possible. You need at least three children. We have all been looking the other way at the fact that you sleep in different quarters, but you now need to for the sake of your kingdom¡ªespecially since your court is becoming cognizant of the fact that you don¡¯t sleep together.¡± One of the advisors said to Paris.


    There was no reply from Paris for a long moment, and then he finally replied, ¡°she hates me¡­ As right she should. She was forced to marry me against her will.¡±


    ¡°Who cares whether she hates you? You don¡¯t have to like each other to conceive.¡± The other advisor said.


    I walked away from the door and clutched Caerwyn¡¯s necklace and gasped in fear.


    I didn¡¯t know what had happened, but I was deathly afraid of letting him make love to me. It hadn¡¯t seemed like such a bad prospect when I had almost let him days ago, but it did now. Maybe it was because I now knew he was most likely not a virgin like I was.


    Chambermaids I took a fancy to¡­ He had said. How many lovers had he had? I didn''t want to know..


    I ran away from the door, and as I ran through the hallways of the caslte, I bumped into Terry in one of the castle halls. He said to me cheerfully, ¡°I was just looking for you! I have great news for you, Mimi! I have been to many taverns like you asked to hear the gossip and they are saying that the moths are whispering good things about you! They say they think you a brave and great lady for defending your sister as well as generous for giving your slaves gold. Many of the slaves are saying they would love for you to ride through again!¡±


    I nearly squealed at that good news and my mood was lifted. ¡°Thank you for doing this for me, Terry!¡±


    He nodded in return. ¡°I want you to get out again; it¡¯s not good for you to be cooped up here all day!¡±


    I took a moment of reveling in my small victory before asking Terry worriedly, ¡°do you know any more gossip about my husband, Terry? Do you know how he got his scar¡­?¡±


    Terry shrugged. ¡°Just rumors. The word is that his father gave it to him when he learned of one of Paris¡¯ dalliances with a human slave. In a drunken stupor, he asked the slave girl to marry him! It is very shameful for a prince to ask a lowly woman to marry him¡ªit makes him seem desperate and cheap¡ªand, although Paris told the king that he was merely drunk and had no true affections for the slave, the king hurled insult after insult at Paris until Paris finally snapped and smacked his father across the face. After that, they supposedly got into a full-blown fight, punching and kicking until his father grabbed a knife in self defense and dragged it across Paris¡¯ face¡­¡±


    I gulped a little. I kept forgetting that Paris was supposedly a dangerous man. While he had been cold and distant to me, it never struck me that he would hurt me. ¡°Have they always been this way? Did they ever get along?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. Word has it that his father never liked him from the beginning. The king was always disappointed about the fact that Paris was never good at the things a man should be good at¡ªlike horse-riding and sword fighting. He much preferred reading and learning strategy and how to run a kingdom to all of that.¡± Terry explained. ¡°It¡¯s all just rumor though.¡±


    I scratched my cheek thoughtfully. ¡°There has to be more to it than that¡­ It¡¯s such a petty thing to hate your son over.¡±


    Terry nodded. ¡°I always thought that, too. Some fathers¡­ Some fathers have a right to hate their sons, but he doesn¡¯t.¡±


    I made a face. ¡°Terry¡­ you sell yourself short. The past is the past and you should stop punishing yourself for it¡­ You¡¯ve been a wonderful guard and a great friend. You should forgive yourself for injuring that templar¡ªyou just... weren¡¯t in your right mind.¡± I replied.


    He looked down with a subtle smile. ¡°Thank you, Mimi.¡±


    I didn¡¯t know what to do with myself before dinner, so I went back to knitting Paris¡¯ blanket in my quarters as rain began sprinkling from the sky and thunder rang in the distance.


    I cringed with fear and gasped a little. I had had a fear of thunder since I was young that I had never gotten over.


    I crawled under my blankets and pulled them up to my chin fearfully until it was time for dinner.

 Chapter 28

    Paris said he wanted to have dinner with me at the private table¡ªprobably to give me the hard news¡ªbut he was absent. I asked the slaves who had set the table, ¡°excuse me, where is the king?¡±


    A cream-colored moth replied, ¡°he got a letter earlier and went out for a walk. He hasn¡¯t been back since.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­ Shall I go look for him?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Oh no, milady! We can¡¯t have you out in the rain!¡± The slaves protested. They had taken a liking to me since I had spread that gossip. I was grateful for it.


    I looked around at the table set with wonderful foods and I glanced around skeptically before whispering, ¡°would you like to eat with me?¡±


    The slaves were shocked, but many of them nodded eagerly. Others didn¡¯t trust me enough to dine with me and left.


    I realized I recognized one of these slaves; he used to be a young noble in Daddy¡¯s court. I used to have a little crush on him, but now I felt nothing at all when I looked at him. He was a peppered moth with really soft-looking fur. ¡°Gods! It¡¯s you, Markus!¡±


    He smiled a little. ¡°It¡¯s good to see you again, Princess¡ªdespite the circumstances.¡±


    ¡°How did you survive? Did you just get lucky like Gerta and you happened to be outside the city when the thunderbolt struck the land?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Most everyone died when the thunderbolts struck the land, but some of us were just standing in the right place at the right time and it missed us.¡± He said sadly. "I was one of those who was spared."


    ¡°There was more than one thunder bolt?¡± I asked.You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    ¡°They were everywhere¡­ It¡¯s a miracle anyone lived. Gods, it¡¯s hard to get the images out of my mind and the ringing out of my ears.¡± Markus answered and took a bite of his steak with a trembling hand.


    ¡°That¡¯s awful¡­¡± I answered.


    After a moment of silence I asked him, ¡°Markus, I keep asking her, but Gerta refuses to tell me why Daddy didn¡¯t come to rescue me while I was captured before that calamity happened. Do you know why?¡±


    Markus was dead silent for a moment before answering, ¡°there¡¯s no easy way to say this¡­ He--changed. He said that¡­ that he had plenty of other children¡­¡±


    I was devastated. I stopped eating and I shivered with sadness. ¡°I was expendable to him?¡±


    Markus looked at me sympathetically. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    I gasped and clapped a hand to my mouth. I shuddered with unfathomable sorrow and then I stood up from my seat.


    I ran from the dinner table then with my already fractured heart broken in two and I threw myself on my bed and wept.


    __


    What I would have done for mother to take me in her arms and quell my fears like she used to when I was a child. Not only could I not stop crying, but I was deathly afraid of the constant thundering outside.


    I held Caerwyn¡¯s sapphire and sniffled and wept until I could no longer muster up tears to cry and my throat was soar from all the lumps being formed in it. I didn¡¯t want to accept that Gerta was right and I was expendable to Daddy. I didn¡¯t want to accept that a man who doted on me and loved me so unconditionally could secretly think so little of me--so little of me that I was not worth the time to rescue. And if he thought so little of me and never came to rescue me, I knew mother must have thought the same if she didn¡¯t convince him to. In my mind, I was their little girl who they put before everything--my courage came from the love they gave me, and now it was disappearing.


    He changed. Markus had said.


    That was the one thing that could console me. He had changed. But how? Had he changed like Paris¡¯ father? Had black magic infected him somehow? Maybe it had. I had to believe it had. I couldn¡¯t let these dark thoughts take me to a dark place. I was finished pitying myself and thinking of death.


    Caerwyn had taught me the value of convictions. And now, I was convicted to survive and save my people. I could be as damaged and broken as they come from past grievances, but I would never give up now that God had shown me my purpose.


    __


    Paris didn¡¯t come back for the rest of the night. I worried about him endlessly. If he died, I had no idea what would happen to me.


    I will write later.

 Chapter 29

    Envenheim 181


    After a sleepless night, I asked around the castle frantically for Paris. Nobody could give me an answer and told me to seek out his advisors instead.


    I found his advisors who were, at the moment, filling in for Paris in the throne room. They were listening to complaints from Nui¡¯s many citizens.


    The throne room was a grand place with a high ceiling and many steps that led up to an extravagant golden throne overlooking whatever citizen happened to be below it. There were giant purple tapestries that hung on the wall with Nui¡¯s new human standard embroidered upon them: A golden lion roaring. When Daddy was in charge, Nui¡¯s standard was a pair of ivory moth wings set on a green background.


    I waited in the shadows while a human peasant complained of someone else¡¯s moth slave who had supposedly stolen some of his food.


    ¡°They will not repay me for the food, nor will they punish their slave. I recommend three lashes for the slave and the return of my goods from his owner.¡± The peasant pleaded while bowing.


    Paris¡¯ advisors nodded. ¡°We¡¯ll send a guard to look into it for you.¡±


    I looked down.


    The moth slaves were starving¡­ Of course they had to resort to stealing.


    I waited until the peasant left to approach the advisors. I hiked up my skirts and climbed the steps while asking them, ¡°where is the king?¡±


    ¡°He is having a trying time at the moment and needs respite from his duties as king for another day. Have no fear, my queen. He is still on castle grounds; he is just outside.


    ¡°But I didn¡¯t see him at all last night¡­¡± I replied. ¡°I don¡¯t think he came inside.¡±


    The advisors shrugged. ¡°He can take care of himself, My Lady. Have no worry.¡±


    I sighed. ¡°Very well¡­ Can you tell me why he needs respite? Does it have to do with the letter he got?¡±


    ¡°I should think so, My Lady.¡±


    ¡°But you don¡¯t know what the letter said?¡± I probed worriedly.


    ¡°It was a private letter.¡± They answered.


    I sighed. ¡°Okay¡­¡±


    Thunder rang in the distance again and I jumped in fear. The advisors chuckled. I made a face and then took my leave of them.If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    __


    My three guards, along with Morgan, followed me around all day as I miserably found ways to occupy my time while I thought of ways to continue romancing Paris for when he came back. I had to move our relationship along faster.


    I was also starting to get restless being locked up in the castle all day, but I wanted to respect Paris¡¯ wishes and I avoided trying to sneak out.


    As I shook out the carpets around the castle¡ªmuch to the dismay of the guards and the slaves who said it was beneath me¡ªI heard something whispering in my ears.


    Mimi¡­ Mimi¡­


    I looked around fearfully. What a horrifying voice! So deep and ominous!


    Mimi¡­


    My eyes locked onto Morgan¡¯s, who was standing behind me ominously. He grinned at me and a chill ran up my spine.


    Are you inside my head? I thought to myself.


    Yes I am. He replied.


    Is this your magic? I asked as I went back to shaking out the rug.


    It is. My Queen, I can help you in your goals if you wish. If you want the king to be yours, I have a magic potion you can pour into his wine and he¡¯ll be at your mercy. Morgan thought to me suggestively.


    I will not treat my husband so poorly. I need no potion to get him to love me. I replied.


    How about something else you desire? How about your lovely Caerwyn. If you meet me in the kitchen later tonight, I will allow you to see him.


    I gasped aloud and turned toward him. My heart bloomed with excitement. That was what I wanted!


    ¡°Is there something wrong, My Lady?¡± My guards asked worriedly when I asked.


    I forced a smile and shook my head. ¡°Sorry, it¡¯s just a little chilly¡­¡±


    Just who are you, Morgan? Where do you come from? How do you know of Caerwyn? I wondered¡ªcautiously trying to gauge whether he was a threat.


    I was a member of the Wild Mothmen. We lived in solitude and among nature¡ªmy magic has been tempered by trial-after-trial posed to me by the lustful god. I can reunite you with your man. He claimed.


    Why should I believe you? I replied as I scrubbed down the carpet with a rag. Even among moths Wild Mothmen were hated. It is the blackest magic from the wickedest god that you use!


    Do you want your man or not? If you do, you¡¯ll meet me later.


    I had the whole day to decide, at least.


    __


    It was thundering and raining the whole day, and all the while I worried fathomlessly about Paris who still hadn¡¯t showed up, and no one seemed to care or notice. The poor man¡­ If he would just try to be more charismatic, I was sure he could get his subjects to like him.


    I heard Morgan whisper in my head as I crotched in an empty room with the other noble ladies, the king has left the grounds, My Lady.


    I set my blanket aside worriedly and looked at Morgan''s menacing red eyes directly. Truly?


    Truly. They are out looking for him, but he is nowhere to be found. If he were dead, would you be happy knowing there might be a place for you in Caerwyn¡¯s arms? It¡¯d be much easier to get him to forget his convictions if you didn¡¯t have such a nuisance of a king hanging over you. Morgan asked as he leaned his cheek on one of his four arms.


    Silence! I love Caerwyn, and I will never stop loving him¡ªbut he is not for me. He is on a different plain. Paris Is for me. I tried to convince myself.


    Do you not feel guilty manipulating him for your own ends? Oh yes¡­ He wants you desperately. I wonder how he would feel if he found out you just wanted something from him like those chambermaids and princesses he fancied. Will you take what you want and leave him broken? Morgan asked sinisterly.


    I gritted my teeth and looked at him furiously¡ªmaking the nobles ladies I crocheted with jump in surprise. Get out of my head!


    Morgan wouldn¡¯t stop grinning at me. Very well, My Lady.

 Chapter 30

    I asked Terry to come play chess with me before bed¡ªI knew I wouldn¡¯t be able to sleep¡ªbut he shook his head and said he was going to join the other knights in search for the king.


    ¡°You can¡¯t find him?¡± I questioned him worriedly.


    ¡°No¡­ Hopefully he¡¯s okay.¡± Terry replied.


    I went back to crocheting in my quarters, and, at the same time, I read a book written by humans to learn more about their culture. Eventually, I finished the blanket deep into the night¡ªunable to sleep no matter how hard I tried¡ªand suddenly, my door clicked open and Paris stumbled in, sopping wet.


    I gasped and ran to his side. ¡°I¡¯ll get the physician! Stay here!¡±


    But he grabbed my wrist before I could. ¡°I¡¯m just cold¡­ Don¡¯t get the physician.¡±


    I glowered angrily. ¡°What the hell were you thinking? I was worried sick about you for two days and then you go wandering through this awful storm!¡±


    He stood up and then fell back down¡ªfeeling weak. It was hard to tell since his face was already covered in water, but he was definitely crying. ¡°My mother is dead. She was the only one who¡­ Who¡­¡±


    I clapped my hands to my mouth in pity. I knew how hard it was to lose a family member. I tried to think of something to say to him that would make him feel better, but I knew there were no words.


    He looked up at me with admiration and held my face in his hands. ¡°Look at me, weeping over one death while you stand strong amidst living in your family¡¯s grave.¡±


    I felt another shiver run up my spine at what I was about to suggest. I helped Paris to his feet and told him, ¡°come on, you¡¯re freezing, let¡¯s get you out of those clothes.¡±


    I reach out and tried to undo the clasp on his cloak first, but he leaned forward suddenly and rested his chin on the top of my head before I could. He was close, and I couldn¡¯t help but lean my head into his chest when thunder crackled in the sky again.


    I liked being held. I always had.


    After a moment, I went back to attempting to undress him with shaking hands.


    I unclasped his cloak first with two of my arms, and then removed his belt and helped him slide his tunic off above his head with the others.


    I could tell he was not used to sword fighting or horse riding. He was very thin and didn¡¯t have much muscle.


    I stared for a moment at his bare chest as I had days before. I couldn¡¯t help it¡ªit was such a foreign sight. Impulsively, I kissed it once and then unlaced his boots and untied his breeches.


    I looked at his whole body for a moment as he looked back at me unblinkingly with a miserable look on his face.


    ¡°I¡­ I made you something.¡± I said to him. I ran to my bed and picked up the knitted blanket and then I stepped close to him¡ªjust an inch away--and threw the blanket over his shoulders. ¡°I-it¡¯s a blanket of innocence and purity. Moths wrap it around themselves when they feel like they have lost apart of their childhood. It¡¯s all white to protect yourself from black thoughts. I know it¡¯s all crooked and not very well made¡ªthe other ladies only just started to teach me to crotchet¡ªbut you said you wanted my innocence, so I thought--¡±


    He threw his arms around me and wrapped me in the blanket too. He said through tears, ¡°nobody ever did such a nice thing for me.¡±Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    I was a simple and silly girl. Any man could have held me in that moment and I would have been comforted. It felt like love¡ªregardless of whether it was or was not¡ªand I craved love more than anything after being hated by so many humans and moths alike.


    ¡°Your advisors want us to have children¡­¡± I said nervously. ¡°Do you want to try?¡±


    He said nothing.


    I continued on nervously, not even sure I meant it when I told him, ¡°your mother isn¡¯t the only one who¡­" I spluttered. "I mean--I love you.¡±


    He was silent for a moment, and then before he kissed me gently. He reached out a hand, intending to grab my shoulder, and accidentally ripped my night gown while he was trying to take it off in a hurry. I giggled a little which elicited a grin from him.


    I threw my arms around his neck and stood on the tippy of my toes to kiss him back as he gradually pushed me toward the bed.


    The best moments in life are left unwritten, however?. One must always keep those moments special and to themselves. They must remain the purest of white things.


    __


    But it did not remain so white as I awoke in the middle of the night and remembered I wished to meet with Morgan in the kitchen.


    I looked at the sleeping Paris by my side with confusion. I felt like I had made a big mistake, despite having such a nice night. The moth gods would detest me for this, and I already knew the majority of my own people did.


    More than anything, I had betrayed my feelings for Caerwyn. I let Paris rip his sapphire off my neck in a moment of passion and I hadn¡¯t cared at all. I screwed my eyes shut in pain.


    I should not feel guilty for sleeping with my own husband.


    I looked ahead blankly for a moment while feeling sick inside. In a moment, I took a deep breath.


    It had to have happened eventually. I shall put it toward my cause.


    With my nightgown ripped, I searched my closet for a different one to wear and then headed to the kitchen.


    Many guards were still up, and I simply told them I was having a sleepless night and needed a walk. Many of them asked if I wanted them to protect me, but I shook my head.


    I wondered if Morgan had been telling the truth about wanting to meet me. How could he avoid the many guards posted outside the slave quarters and make it to the ktichen unnoticed, after all?


    Rain pattered ceaselessly on the roof of the castle and loud wind was blowing outside as I turned into the kitchen. Surely enough, the black moth was there. No one was holding his chain.


    ¡°How did you evade capture¡­?¡± I asked him.


    ¡°The dark realm. Would you like to see?¡± His voice was very different when it wasn¡¯t in my head; it was a higher pitch and younger sounding.


    ¡°The dark realm?¡± I asked, shaking my head. ¡°What are you talking about?¡±


    ¡°That is where you can see Caerwyn. Shall I take you? Or are you satisfied with your king?¡± Morgan asked me accusingly.


    ¡°I want to see him¡­¡± I replied. ¡°But¡­ But I have given my heart to Paris.¡±


    ¡°So you say. Very well, take my hand, My Lady.¡± Morgan held out his hand.


    I hesitated for a moment as silence fell in the kitchen and thunder struck in the distance. I took his hand fearfully.


    As I looked beyond Morgan¡¯s head, reality melted away and was replaced with a dark forest. It was so dark that I could barely see the brown tree trunks and green leaves highlighted in the blackness. I should have been frightened, but I had a warm and lovely feeling in my heart as I stood in the darkness. It was very similar to how I felt with Paris earlier.


    ¡°What is this?¡± I asked Morgan. ¡°It feels nice¡­¡±


    ¡°It is desire. Follow me.¡± Morgan commanded.


    I followed him through the dark forest which felt as if it was wrapping me in love incarnate. My mind felt fuzzy and giddy, my legs felt mooshy and unstable; my heart skipped with eagerness as we strolled for minutes through the dark forest.


    Eventually, we came upon a spring in the darkness. A beautiful, blue, crystalline spring that shone like a thousand sapphires.


    ¡°Look into it My Lady.¡± Morgan commanded.


    I obeyed.


    My heart bloomed with love and warmth as I was shown Caerwyn who was riding a horse through a beautiful glen with a miserable look on his face. Many pilgrims followed after him on foot.


    He whispered to himself under his breath, ¡°I wish to ride to you like I promised, Mimi. I want to sweep you off your feet and take you away from your wretched husband¡­ Right or wrong.¡±


    I gasped and reached into the spring¡ªmy hand brushing the water. ¡°I want you, too, Caerwyn. Take me away from these wicked convictions you have bestowed upon me!¡±


    ¡°If you want to, you can fall into the spring and you will appear at his side. The only price to pay is that you must abandon your duties here.¡± Morgan tempted me with a grin.


    Sapphire reflected in my eyes as my hand came closer and closer to the spring and I thought nothing could stop me from being at Caerwyn¡¯s side.

 Chapter 31

    Envenheim 181


    I reached toward the spring¡ªfully intent upon falling into it. It had me the same way Caerwyn had; with a sweet ethereal glow and an intoxicating aroma of love that strangled me around the neck. It was almost impossible to resist the temptation of a man who I knew would always love me.


    I reached both my arms in frantically, and then I dunked my head in¡ªI was ready to submerge myself fully.


    The spring which had looked so shallow and small from above, was now deep and large. The water was absolutely clear, and I could see reeds waving gently in the water far below along with many colorful koi fish swimming about. There was a golden one eating a black one and a white one looking on dispassionately.


    My eyes were drawn by the sapphires glinting far below at the bottom. I submerged myself fully with a splash and swam toward them. I swam further and further down and closer and closer to the sapphires until my hand almost seemed to be able to grasp them, and I grabbed at them frantically until--


    Love strangled me further, and I was gasping for air. I was losing consciousness quickly as water bubbled up around my mouth that was striving for air. My vision became bleary and I thought I was done for as the sapphires below began floating away from me¡ªor rather, I floated away from them.


    But, another hand appeared on top of mine as I weakly reached out for the sapphires for what I thought would be the final time.


    I looked up and locked eyes with my own mother.


    She was just as lovely and as graceful as I remembered her. A tall, ivory, and mature woman with glowing fur and black eyes full of endless knowledge. Her smile was sweet and loving, and her hands always ready to guide me.


    ¡°Is this how I raised you? No, you¡¯re better than that. You can do this, my darling.¡± And Mother took me in her arms like she used to and carried me out of the water.


    I lifted my head from the spring with a gasp, and suddenly I was back in the kitchen with Morgan staring at me with a menacing grin. ¡°So you chose the king¡­ Your life will be fraught with pain and suffering. You will know what it is to bleed, My Queen, and you will have no one to comfort you.¡±


    I locked eyes with him fearlessly. ¡°I have already bled, and I am prepared to bleed more. You cannot tempt me, creature.¡±


    Morgan never stopped grinning. ¡°We will see.¡±


    __


    It was still night when I returned to my quarters and I crawled into bed next to Paris. I wrapped my arms around him with his back facing me and I clung to him the same way I was trying to cling to my duty and convictions. He groaned a little but didn¡¯t wake up.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    I screwed my eyes shut and sniffled bitterly. This was where I belonged. This was where I needed to be.


    __


    I was awakened by a kiss on the base of my neck by Paris. I was still exhausted, but I sat up tiredly and came face-to-face with him.


    ¡°You look tired¡­¡± He said quietly. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I kept you up. I shouldn¡¯t have worried you.¡±


    I was frowning quietly. I was facing life and adulthood head-on now, and I just felt so sad. I felt like I was losing that sweet, na?ve, happy fifteen-year-old girl who got locked in that cage. I was losing her to a downer of an adult woman wracked with pain and duty and horrifying memories.


    Paris tried to say compassionately, ¡°is something wrong?¡±


    I shook my head and threw my arms around him. ¡°Tell me I¡¯m more than just a beast to you! Tell me I¡¯m more than a dalliance!¡±


    He held me close with his hands pressing into my lower back and was quiet for a moment.


    He said to me, ¡°you¡¯re the only woman I¡¯ve ever had dreams about sleeping with¡ªthe only one I¡¯ve wanted so badly that it gave me a fever. But it¡¯s your affection I crave more than anything¡­ You showed concern over that blood on my forehead I got from riding, and I couldn¡¯t fight my thoughts about your sweetness. Nobody else noticed. I¡¯ve only wanted other women once¡ªI want you forever.¡±


    I sniffled a little, and he continued. ¡°Nobody cared or noticed when I left the castle grounds either. I came to your room hoping you would care¡ªand if you didn¡¯t, I don¡¯t know what I would have done with myself--but you didn¡¯t let me down. God, this beautiful blanket you made for me made me want to cry with joy. You¡¯re a special woman.¡±


    He wrapped me in the blanket I made and I leaned my head against his chest with my eyes closed. I hoped I would feel warm and safe, but I trembled and feared that he would abandon me or hurt me. ¡°Protect me from these black thoughts¡­ Why do I fear you?¡±


    He kissed my cheek and, as he did so, he said to me, ¡°let me tell you my weakness so that you can use it at any time to protect yourself from me if you should ever have a need. Let this prove my undying love for you. My father is not my father, and I am only royalty by my mother.¡±


    I held him at arm¡¯s length and asked him confusedly, ¡°you are like moths, then? Except you have many fathers instead of many mothers?¡±


    He shook his head with a chuckle. ¡°No, her relationship with this man was illicit. He was a lowly knight. My father always suspected¡ªthat is why he hates me so much. If you told anyone and cast any doubt upon my claim to this throne, I might be ruined¡­ I give you this secret freely.¡±


    ¡°You trust me this much?¡± I asked him with a grin. I hugged him all the tighter and my mind was put at ease.


    He kissed me on over and over again and I giggled with affection. I enjoyed a few more kisses before I pushed him off of me and then sat up and scooted onto his lap and told him, ¡°you have to get up and get dressed!¡±


    ¡°We have time¡­¡± He insisted and kissed me again.


    My head was on fire with delight but I pushed him playfully again and told him sincerely, ¡°since I know your weakness, I can tell you anything I want now without fear! You need to be more charismatic if you are to be king! You need to win the loyalty of all your subjects! You have to be as charming with them as you are with me!¡±


    ¡°You want me to kiss them and make love to them?¡± He asked coyly and humorously.


    ¡°No, no! You can only do that with me! You need to smile more, make polite conversation, stop slouching¡ªthings like that!¡± I suggested. ¡°I can show you!¡±


    He leaned his head against my chest with his eyes closed. ¡°You think you can make me charming?¡±


    I raised his head and made him look at me. ¡°You are charming. I want the whole world to know it!¡±


    He grinned at me silently for a moment, and then nodded. ¡°Very well. You can try to make me charming if you want¡­ Are you going to force me to get up?¡±


    I was very temped to say no, but I nodded instead.


    He climbed out of bed and gave me a hand. I smiled lovingly at him.


    I had him now.

 Chapter 32

    As Paris went about his day, he included me in everything¡ªholding my hand as we travelled around the castle. Many people jeered and looked disgusted at our holding hands, and many people whispered mean things about me, but Paris kissed my cheek reassuringly and allayed my fears.


    Our first stop was Mass. I had never had Mass in the presence of the humans before. I had it at different times of the day by myself as suggested by the physician. She told me she thought it best for my health for me to pray alone so the humans would not mock or say cruel things to me. As I entered the beautiful chapel, I heard voices all around me.


    ¡°He let a heathen moth come pray with us!¡± Said one.


    ¡°She will curse the kingdom!" Said another.


    She worships evil, false gods!¡± Said yet another.


    I grasped Paris¡¯ arm worriedly, but he wrapped one of his arms around my shoulder comfortingly. ¡°I won¡¯t let them harm you.¡±


    As we came out of the chapel, no one approached Paris or made conversation with him. They whispered quite a bit about him, too, however, and Paris looked down sadly as they did.


    ¡°You should go to them, Your Majesty. You should make friends!¡± I suggested, trying to lift both of our dour moods. ¡°I¡¯ll be there with you.¡±


    He nervously replied, ¡°I detest them.¡±


    My face fell, but I let it be at that, trying not to push him. If I wanted to keep his affection and loyalty, I had to play him perfectly.


    After that, Paris told me he was going to meet with his royal council about important public and political matters. He told me his council would not be happy with a woman¡ªmuch less a moth¡ªtagging along with him, so I decided to go to the garden while he was at his meeting.


    On the way there, I saw a noblewoman dressed in a fine green gown wave at Terry who was guarding one of the many castle halls and he blushed and waved back.


    ¡°Who was that?¡± I asked him.This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work.


    ¡°She¡¯s to be the new duchess of Auren to the north.¡± Terry explained. ¡°Paris plans to make her husband the new duke tonight.¡±


    I frowned. I had been to Auren with my siblings once. It was once a beautiful moth duchy ruled over by my uncle. The white-leafed Farren trees that grew there were one-of-a-kind, and I remembered playing with my siblings in them.


    I tried not to let my thoughts take me down that path. Instead I said to Terry with a grin, ¡°does she like you?¡±


    Terry shook his head. ¡°My Lady, no! She is married!¡±


    I giggled at that and continued to the garden. Nobody was there at this time of day and I sat down and held Caerwyn¡¯s sapphire in my hand with my legs pulled up to my chest.


    I was just so lonely without my family.


    __


    I had a lovely day with Paris until afternoon descended upon us. We ate breakfast by ourselves after he was done with his council meeting, and then he asked me to join him in the great hall where his court would gather. There were so many noblemen and women that I felt overwhelmed and very shy and nervous! I had never been among his court before except when we had eaten dinner with them at our wedding. Since then, the physician had told me that it would be too much stress to join the court in conversation.


    I stood slightly behind Paris fearfully as he greeted many members of his court.


    Some of them were pleasantly surprised to see me and greeted me kindly, and others actively avoided me and jeered at me. Many noblemen harried Paris with requests, and he either flat out refused them or said he would address their concerns in his royal council.


    He heard much news of his father, and many people consoled him on his mother¡¯s death. None of them showed him much warmth, however.


    He simply refused to smile or stand up straight and he had that ugly glower on his face! I simply had to coach him!


    I, for the most part, was silent and listened in on conversations hoping to hear some bit of gossip or news I could use to my advantage in furthering my goals while I nervously hid behind Paris.


    Moth slaves went around serving wine the entire time along with trays of cheese and other delectable foods. A particularly young one accidentally spilled wine on the same to-be duchess who Terry had waved at earlier.


    The woman shrieked and kicked the slave furiously.


    I gasped aloud as the whole court¡ªincluding Paris--laughed at the poor moth slave who was weeping and frantically apologizing to the wicked woman. The woman raised her hand and smacked the slave maliciously.


    I wondered where my courage had gone. I had rescued my sister from that disgusting pig trying to molest her, but for this poor boy, I could only stand with my knees shaking in fear amongst the cruel courtiers.


    I was too much of a coward to rescue this boy from ridicule because he was not family, and I did not know him.


    I looked at Paris with disgust and he stopped laughing when he noticed I was. He had forgotten I was a moth. He reached out his hand to try and keep me from leaving his side, but I was already heading out the double-doors of the great hall.


    I will write again later.

 Chapter 33

    Envenheim 181


    I left the great hall feeling angry, but soon, that anger melted into a familiar melancholy. My hands were shaking both from anger and from having so many social interactions in one day. Before I got captured eight years ago, I never felt so nervous in such situations, and I never felt exhausted afterward, but I did now. I sighed and tried to steady my hands. That moth boy they abused could have easily been me. The poor thing¡­ I should have rescued him. I loathed myself for letting him suffer.


    As I walked through the halls of the castle¡ªunsure what to do with myself¡ªI felt that familiar feeling of loneliness that festered within me. I was sick of humans and their airs. I missed moths. I missed Daddy¡¯s court, my siblings, and my old friends. I missed my old life in general. I leaned against a wall in the hallway and realized I couldn¡¯t let my emotions run my life anymore. I shouldn¡¯t have stormed out. I needed to be smarter to play Paris correctly and get what I wanted.


    He didn¡¯t see moths as intelligent creatures to be respected¡ªapart from me¡ªand I couldn¡¯t sway him from that point of view just by telling him he was wrong. I needed to be subtle about changing his mind. I needed to make him and every human around him believe that I was one of them¡ªand that meant distancing myself from my people and my culture.


    I had to come up with exactly what to say to Paris later in the day. I thought it all through thoroughly, and I thought to myself that I had come up with something decent.


    My heart was beating very quickly from the thought of following through with it, however. The long-term plan required me to be irresistibly desirable, and I didn¡¯t know how to be like that. I was so clumsy and stupid¡­ I couldn¡¯t even sew, cook, or clean like a proper lady until recently, and it was only thanks to Terry.


    I twisted Caerwyn¡¯s sapphire star in my hand and I realized I had to stop simmering in sadness. Prayer always helped me sort things out. It always made me happy to pray to the understanding human god.


    As I headed to the chapel, I walked past the kitchen and saw my sister cooking dinner for the slaves with Morgan assisting her. A guard was holding his chain.


    Gerta giggled at something Morgan said and then he kissed her cheek before the guard yanked his chain¡ªmoths weren¡¯t allowed to display affection in front of humans.


    Terror gripped my heart as I looked on in horror.


    I entered the kitchen and said to the guard, ¡°can you take him elsewhere? I wish to speak with this slave.¡±


    The guard nodded and left, recognizing my station.


    I turned to my sister in concern. She was crossing her arms and making a face.


    ¡°I have starving moths to cook for.¡± Gerta said in annoyance. ¡°What do you want?¡±


    ¡°Morgan is dangerous! He is a wild mothman!¡± I told her worriedly. ¡°Tell me you aren¡¯t planning on letting him court you¡­¡±


    ¡°What proof have you that he is a wild mothman? And even if he is, why should I care? We all lost who we were when that thunderbolt struck.¡± Gerta said while she returned to cutting up a carrot on a cutting board. ¡°He treats me well and he is good company. I see no signs that he is one of the wild mothmen.¡±


    I grabbed her shoulders worriedly. ¡°He is dangerous! He worships foul moth gods and¡­¡±


    Gerta¡¯s face twisted into one of disgust and she pushed me away. ¡°You¡¯re becoming one of them! You truly do prefer their god to ours as I suspected! You forsake your own people and culture and keep yourself safe and sound from the plight of them while you sleep with foreign kings! You disgust me!¡±


    I reached out to touch her but she stepped away. ¡°Don¡¯t touch me! You stink of forbidden meat and rich, human perfumes! You are not one of us! Even if Morgan worships the wicked god of lust, it is preferable to the false human god! Leave me!¡±The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    I looked back at her with unshed tears and then I turned away silently and continued on to the chapel.


    __


    Nobody was there at this time of day and I prayed alone in silence. ¡°Please help me be strong; help me be able to take the abuse from both humans and moths. Please make my hands stop shaking and my heart stop pounding. Please¡­¡±


    Sunlight reflected off of Caerwyn¡¯s sapphire and I said tearfully. ¡°Let me be as strong in my convictions as Caerwyn. Let me be strong enough for the future.¡±


    __


    I found Terry after I finished praying¡ªthe one person I could consider a true and loyal friend. I craved his company because he accepted me without judgement. He was stationed alone in the slave quarters today.


    He noticed my trembling hands and he asked, ¡°are you alright, Mimi?¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°I just can¡¯t calm down¡­¡±


    Terry held my hands up to his face and asked me with concern, ¡°shall I fetch the physician?¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°It¡¯s just nerves¡­ Terry, can I tell you something? I have to tell someone.¡±


    Terry nodded with a frown and said, ¡°as a matter of fact, I have something to tell you as well. You go first.¡±


    ¡°Promise you won¡¯t tell?¡± I asked him. ¡°Promise you won¡¯t hate me?¡±


    ¡°I could never hate you, Mimi! You helped make me into a perfect gentleman!¡± He said cheerfully.


    I looked both ways and said in a hushed voice, ¡°you must never repeat this; I have a plan I must put into action, Terry. You remember how I made you spread all that gossip? I told you it was simply for my own safety¡ªso that moths would not attack me and I could leave the castle safely. But the truth is, I wish to gain their favor because I plan to free them eventually with Paris¡¯ help. Humans and moths have to love me alike if I am to succeed.¡± I explained with my heart thumping nervously.


    Terry was silent for a moment and then replied, ¡°I had a feeling that was what you wanted¡­ Mimi, Caerwyn always told me that he thought it was reprehensible and against our religious teachings to own moth slaves. I want to help you in any way I can.¡±


    I grinned with happiness and tears in my eyes as I embraced him. ¡°Thank you, Terry!¡±


    He patted my back and then held me at arm¡¯s length. ¡°My turn¡­ Mimi¡­ I don¡¯t know whether I want to be a templar or not anymore. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll end up taking my final vows.¡±


    ¡°What? Why not?¡± I asked him. Ever since I had met Terry and Caerwyn, I thought being a templar was the highest and most honorable form of living, albeit a rigid one. To live your life entirely in the service of others and God was so noble¡ªand there was nothing more peaceful than a life of repentance.


    ¡°I¡­¡± He said nervously. ¡°I¡¯m in love with someone. I can¡¯t love her if I¡¯m a templar.¡±


    ¡°Who¡­?¡± I asked.


    Terry looked down. ¡°Promise you won¡¯t judge?¡±


    I took a moment to think about who it could be before I clapped my hands to my mouth in disgust. ¡°The duchess?¡±


    Terry was surprised. ¡°I guess I shouldn¡¯t be surprised from that interaction you saw earlier¡­ I really like her.¡±


    I lectured him like I would have done my little brother when he did something naughty. ¡°You told me yourself that she was married! And this woman is no good; she abuses my people and she is abusing you, too! She¡¯ll never leave her husband for you! All you¡¯ll ever be is her lover!¡±


    I saw blackness seep into his eyes as he suddenly pushed me as roughly as he could against the door of one of the moth quarters. My back stung and one of my arms was bruised. I pressed my hands against the door¡ªshrinking away from him fearfully.


    ¡°I suppose you¡¯ll leave me now like mother did? You think me a violent beast like everyone else does, don¡¯t you! You think me overrun with red blood to the point where I will hurt any woman I touch¡ªand so you want me to be kept from them forever!¡± He was panting with rage as I pressed myself further against and turned my face away from him fearfully.


    I shook as I looked into his terrifying black eyes.


    Terry was my best friend and the only person I could confide in. To me, he was family.


    I would lay down my life for him.


    I reached out slowly with my four arms and ran my hands down the sides of his face. He flinched. ¡°You¡¯re okay¡­ I¡¯ll always love you¡­¡±


    Terry¡¯s face went blank for a moment and he slouched over and let me soothe him for a moment. His eyes closed and it seemed like he had fallen asleep for a moment. Eventually, he opened his eyes and they returned to their normal blue color.


    ¡°What happened? Good God, did I hurt you?¡± Terry examined me frantically.


    I shook my head. ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry about what I said. It¡¯s your life¡­ I just¡ªI¡¯m worried about you. You can do what you want, though.¡±


    Terry grabbed my trembling hand and said with tears in his blue eyes, ¡°I hurt you, didn¡¯t I? God, I prayed and prayed that I would never hurt anyone ever again. I even let the priests bleed me often to keep the violent thoughts away and it still didn¡¯t work! Please forgive me. Please don¡¯t hate me. I¡¯ve just been stressed¡ªmy father plans to visit soon and he wants me to take my final vows. But I love Julia so much!¡±


    So, Julia was that cruel witch¡¯s name¡­ I needed to have a talk with her.


    I gulped nervously and replied, ¡°I¡¯m fine, Terry. It¡¯s just a bruise. I told you I loved you and I meant it. I¡­ I think I love you more than my own sister.¡±


    He embraced me and wept in my ear and apologized over and over again.


    I returned his embrace and looked over his shoulder. My hands wouldn¡¯t stop trembling.


    His black eyes reminded me so much of Morgan¡¯s fur. I decided I needed to speak with that creature alone again soon as well as that witch, Julia.

 A new scheduling time!

    Hi all! I hope you''ve been enjoying the rapid updates--I know I have because I love getting them to you guys as soon as possible--however, I''ve been a little busy lately and I think I will be relegating updates for this story, along with my other story, Inheritance, to Fridays and Saturdays. I was thinking I would update twice on Friday and once on Saturday for both stories, but I''d like you guys to weigh in on what time you would like the chapters to be up! i.e., 7 AM and 7 PM on Friday and on saturday, 11 AM, etc.If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    If not too many people weigh in, the times will probably be:


    11 AM and 7 PM on Friday


    And 11 AM on Saturday.


    So, make sure you comment if you want a different time, otherwise this chapter is really just here to let you guys know that the story is DEFINITElLY not dead, but is merely undergoing a schedule change <3.


    Thank you guys for all your support, by the way. Your comments make my day and make me beam and it makes me super happy that I somehow managed to get people interested in a story about a moth princess. XD

 Chapter 34

    I went back to my quarters after that and sat alone on my bed thoughtfully. I clenched my fists a few times¡ªthinking of my noble goals and dreams¡ªand I managed to calm myself. I took a deep breath and practiced in my mind¡ªover and over¡ªhow I would speak to Paris that night, and how I could manipulate him to achieve my dreams later on.


    The first thought on my mind was that I needed to convince him to let me leave the castle. Both for the sake of my goals, and for myself. I was beginning to realize I was becoming afraid of the thought of leaving the castle, and that was not good.


    I had dinner separate from Paris¡ªwanting to make him think I was still furious at him¡ªand avoided him successfully for the rest of the day.


    I needed to relax, so I read for most of the day until it was time for bed. I put on my most gorgeous and alluring black nightgown and then I laid on my side on top of the blankets in the most enticing pose I could muster.


    Alas, I wished I had gained back more of the weight I had lost over the years. Curves would help. The lack of a scar would have helped too.


    Paris opened the door and I didn¡¯t turn to him immediately¡ªI wanted him to gaze upon the back of my body as long as possible.


    He said nothing, but I heard him shuffle across the room and felt him sit on the bed. I heard him say, ¡°it¡¯s childish to avoid me all day long¡­¡±


    I sat up on my knees as confidently as I could muster and said to him face-on, ¡°did you miss me?¡±


    He stared at my body for a moment before turning away and crossing his arms¡ªtrying to concentrate. ¡°Of course I did¡­ You have to understand that the rest of them are not like you. They are not intelligent or civilized¡ªthey are committed to their savage culture. They are where they need to be and I couldn¡¯t free them without the kingdom turning on me anyway.¡±


    I narrowed my eyes and I wrapped my arms around his torso and clasped them across his stomach. ¡°I understand. You know¡­ I¡¯m still tied to my primitive culture in many ways, and I can¡¯t help but get offended when I see one of my people getting pushed about, even though they are savage as you say they are. After all, they worship such cruel gods and go about dancing around in loin cloths while giving themselves to evil magic. I¡¯m very happy I was plucked from the land of beasts and made into a cultured, close-to-human woman. Perhaps when they have adopted our culture, we can consider freeing them.¡±If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Paris was silent for a moment before he turned his head to look at me. ¡°Have you always held such beliefs? No wonder you are so attractive to me¡­ Although...¡±


    He turned around fully and brought me into a tight embrace. I rewarded him by leaning into him and tightening my own embrace. ¡°I know I would not love you nearly as much if you were not a moth at all. There¡¯s a certain charm and look to you¡­ A sweetness about you due to the fact that you are a moth.¡±


    Inside, I was elated. He bought it. He believed that I believed the same things he did¡ªbut with a kernel of the truth of what I evtnually wanted.


    He leaned in for a kiss, but I teasingly scooted away from him before his lips met mine. ¡°Paris, I¡¯m getting so bored being kept in the castle all day. It''s like I¡¯m your prisoner! Please ride into the city with me tomorrow¡­ You always go without me and it gets so lonely. There are so many dangerous men around, too! Some of them give me terrifying looks¡­¡±


    Paris raised an eyebrow and looked at me skeptically.


    I hadn¡¯t sounded convincing enough. He was seeing through my fa?ade.


    ¡°Is that what this is about? Are you pretending not to be angry and hiding your true feelings from me so I¡¯ll let you go out? You know it¡¯s far safer in the castle! And you know it¡¯s better for me politically to keep you hidden from the public. I should have realized your motives earlier...¡± Blackness seeped into his eyes, suddenly, and I froze in terror.


    I had to keep calm. I had to bring out his kind and caring side like I did with Terry. Being a daddy¡¯s girl, I had learned long ago how to cry on command to get something I wanted. I forced myself to cry now and I rolled away from him on the bed¡ªbut I clumsily rolled too far and fell off.


    Curse my clumsiness!


    Paris looked over the edge of the bed and gave me a hand as I forced myself to cry all the harder. He was not like Caerwyn. He did not know how to soothe and was awkward around my tears. The blackness left his eyes. ¡°Come on, don¡¯t cry¡­¡±


    I sniffled. ¡°I¡¯ll admit I was angry at seeing the moth boy being abused, but¡­ I avoided you all day to make you think I was angry because I knew it would make you want me more¡­ Women like to play games like that--it makes the fun parts more fun! And there are dangerous men around. One of the guards was making eyes at me earlier!¡± I twisted Caerwyn¡¯s sapphire in my hands to draw attention to my breasts¡ªsomething I noticed the women at Daddy¡¯s court used to do all the time to get attention from potential mates.


    Paris¡¯ eyes were drawn there and he scratched his head looking flustered. ¡°I certainly don¡¯t want you to feel like you¡¯re my prisoner, and it was wrong of me to accuse you¡­ Very well, my darling. You can ride into the city with me. I¡¯ll even let you ride on your own horse.¡±


    I squealed and threw my arms around him. ¡°Thank you!¡±


    He asked politely, resisting his instincts, ¡°do you want to sleep alone?¡±


    I drew him close and shook my head. ¡°Absolutely not! I played hard to get all day for this!¡±


    That made him very happy?.


    Tomorrow, I must prepare for my talks with Julia and Morgan. I will write again later.

 Chapter 35

    Taranheim 181


    Mother was coaching me on how to be a lady. ¡°Let me see you sit properly, my darling.¡±


    I sat down on my throne made of roots in our castle made of wood that was protected on all sides by the branches of a gigantic moth tree. The great hall was vacant at the moment, and it was just me and Mother.


    I slouched over with a melodramatic groan in response and crossed my ankles. In addition, I sloppily folded my four arms in my lap.


    Mother shook her head with a gentle smile. ¡°The sooner you get it, the sooner you can go play. Sit up straight, my darling. You have no reason to be slouching. A girl like you should always hold her head high.¡±


    I looked at Mother intently and silently for a moment, and then I smiled. I sat up straight for her and crossed my ankles with a look of pride on my face.


    ¡°Look at you. A perfect lady!¡± Mother said cheerfully. ¡°Confident and ready to help guide her husband and children!¡±


    And I felt confident. I had no reason to hide who I was.


    _


    What a pleasant dream that was, my diary! I feel like I am on the right path¡ªlike Mother is guiding me even now¡­


    It is a new month and I feel like a new woman. I suddenly feel very confident in myself and my abilities.


    I looked to my side at the sleeping Paris and wanted to go right back to sleep, but I had business to take care of that couldn¡¯t include Paris.


    I had very confused feelings about him. I wasn¡¯t entirely sure I loved him at all times--but I certainly loved him in the night hours?. It was achingly lonely during the day but very fun and comforting at night. I supposed I loved how much he loved me, but I wasn''t so fond of how overly protective he seemed to be.


    I got up before he or anyone else did and I headed to the slave quarters with many of our guards eying my suspiciously. ¡°My Lady, what are you doing up?¡±


    ¡°I have business to take care of,¡± I said honestly and confidently. ¡°Do not bother me.¡±


    I walked down the many corridors of the castle until I arrived at the slave quarters at the west wing. There were guards posted there and I asked them¡ªstanding up perfectly straight with my head held high, ¡°which room does the black moth sleep in?


    ¡°The middle one there, My Lady. What business do you have with him?¡± The guard asked.


    ¡°This is my castle and I owe you no explanation.¡± I replied fearlessly. ¡°I¡¯m going in.¡±


    I opened the door¡ªexpecting there to be a guard holding the creature¡¯s chain even in his sleep¡ªbut it was entirely pitch black in there. I looked around in the darkness¡ªtrying to find Morgan while sweating in fear while silence reigned all around me.


    When my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could pick out something on the floor that looked like spilled wine. I moved closer to it so I could get a better look/The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    I shrieked as I realized it was a pile of smeared blood and frayed clothes. From the corner of the room, I heard crunching noises and I turned around and frantically called for the guards while pounding on the door in fear. I glanced behind me and I saw his red eyes glowing in the dark--his white teeth dotted with red specks and displayed in a hideous grin.


    I continued to pound on the door and tried to open it¡ªbut it would not budge! I did that for what felt like minutes with tears in my eyes. I turned back into a sobbing child and had forgotten my newfound confidence and courage.


    A girl like you should always hold her head high. Mother reminded me.


    I thought of my sister¡¯s safety and Terry¡¯s black eyes I managed to find some courage.


    I had to be brave for them.


    I faced Morgan fearfully. ¡°What are you planning to do with my sister?¡±


    Morgan just stood there grinning at me from the corner of the room and my whole body shook in terror as he began to slowly approach me on all fours with that horrifying smirk on his face.


    ¡°Do you have something to do with the black eyes? Why can only I and Caerwyn see them?¡± I continued with a shaky voice.


    ¡°Your sister will be mine. Terry is already mine. And you have already chosen Paris over your best defense, Caerwyn. You are a weak woman who can do nothing to stop the oncoming calamity. You cannot fight; all you can do is sew, clean, cook, and make love. You may be able to detect the evil in man¡¯s heart, but you cannot fight it.¡± Morgan taunted me as he approached me and stopped when he was close enough to touch me.


    There was silence between us as my heart pounded in fear and I stared at his red eyes.


    With a horrible shriek like howling wind the creature leapt at me and dug its teeth into my arm. I screamed in pain and wondered why the guards had not come to rescue me as I tried to shake the creature off and I cried and repeated over and over again, ¡°Caerwyn help me! Please help me!¡±


    It bit deeper into my arm and pain shot through it as I wept in terror and tried to open the door¡ªbut it still would not open!


    Suddenly, as I struggled and wept in fear, everything went white.


    The creature was no longer chewing on me and had disappeared. I collapsed to my knees with blood flowing freely from my arm in the milky whiteness of wherever I had ended up.


    A pink hand appeared on top of mine and helped me up. I came face-to-face with Caerwyn¡¯s green eyes. His touch lit me on fire with love and passion. I wept with happiness as I embraced him. ¡°You¡¯re touching me¡­¡±


    He gave me a forbidden kiss with alluring eyes and told me, ¡°your love has given me such happiness and strength. I have always been an eternally miserable creature but for God¡¯s affection and your touch. You showed me love where others have shown pity. For a time, I felt like I was more than just a woman wearing a man¡¯s armor.¡±


    I tried to kiss him again but he melted away and I was back to cruel reality where Morgan sank his teeth deeper into my arm. I cried tearfully for a long time, but then¡­ I retreated into my thoughts. I thought deeply about this evil creature who had no regards for anyone but itself¡­


    This poor creature. What a sad and pitiful existence it was to seek the destruction of others.


    I looked upon the wretched creature with pity and I reached out with love in my eyes and--with a free hand--touched his cheek. ¡°What have you been through to want to hurt me? You poor thing¡­¡±


    Its red eyes went from a frenzied red madness to a calming blackness. The creature let go of my arm and was absolutely still as it looked blankly ahead for a time.


    Seconds passed.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± I asked him.


    I gasped as thousands of red doves suddenly phased out of his eyes.


    ¡°Help me! Lust has grabbed ahold of me!¡± The now black-eyed moth cried.


    ¡°Who are you?¡± I asked, confused.


    ¡°I gave my soul to the wicked god! Please help me!¡± The black-eyed Morgan cried.


    ¡°The wicked god!¡± I exclaimed in shock. ¡°What must I do to save you?¡±


    Morgan had an extreme look of horror on his face as the angry doves danced around his head and threatened to enter it once again.


    ¡°He hates you!¡± Morgan cried. ¡°Protect me!¡±


    I didn¡¯t know what to do, and so I threw my arms around Morgan protectively and drew us both to the ground on my knees as the doves tried to reenter his body through his eyes.


    I heard the horrible shriek that sounded like howling wind again repeat over and over as the doves shredded my skin¡ªtrying to get to Morgan.


    Morgan cried, ¡°they¡¯re going to kill you!¡±


    My eyes were closed and I didn¡¯t want to open them out of fear.


    I held out for a little longer, and I began to hear the doves shriek in pain as they attacked me and then I lost consciousness.

 Chapter 36

    When I opened my eyes, I felt immense pain all over my body¡ªlike the cuts had been real--but there were none to be seen. I wondered what had happened to them along with my deeply wounded arm. The only sign that I had been through anything trying was that I was absolutely exhausted.


    Paris was at my bedside, holding my hand and weeping. I put a comforting hand on his cheek and he stood up, elated to see me awake. He threw his arms about me in joy. ¡°We¡¯re going to hang that black moth for you tomorrow. Do not worry, my sweet. I¡¯m sorry I ever brought that thing in to protect you¡ªI do not know how he hurt you, but I was afraid you would sleep forever.¡±


    I ran my hand through his dark hair and realized that I loved him very much after all. He needed me¡ªhe was miserable without me--and that was a beautiful feeling. In a moment, however, I snapped to my senses and said to him, ¡°wait! Please don¡¯t hang him! You don¡¯t understand--!¡±


    Paris silenced me with a kiss before I could continue. I returned it aggressively¡ªforgetting about my troubles for a moment and just wanting him to love me while I still lived. I was grateful to be alive, and afraid to be dead and wanted my husband more than anything.


    Common sense kicked in, however, and I said to Paris after pushing him away, ¡°Morgan is being possessed by the lustful god! It was not he who tried to kill me¡ªbut instead the evil god of the wild mothmen!¡±


    Paris replied skeptically, ¡°there¡¯s no such thing as moth gods, my dear. You¡¯re merely being chased by phantoms of your old life. You¡¯re safe with me, now. Your new faith will protect you from your nightmares about old false gods; it was merely evil magic that put you to sleep¡ªnot a god.¡±


    However much I loved him, I was never safe with him. I got a horrible scar in his care and now I seemed to have phantom cuts all over from the evil moth he had brought into the castle to protect me.


    I realized, however, that even in my distressed state I needed to be his perfect woman to manipulate him. I thought of the perfect words to say to please him.


    Even though he could not protect me, it pleased him to think he could. ¡°You¡¯re right¡­ I am afraid of this moth blood I am cursed with¡ªI am afraid of these false gods pursuing me and killing me for accepting your civilized human culture. Only you can protect me from my fears.¡±


    ¡°And I shall¡­¡± He said and wrapped his arms around me. My body stung when he did¡ªthe cuts felt so real, and I seemed to have a phantom pain on my arm. He kissed my forehead over and over again and I giggled affectionately and forgot about my pain.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    I asked him, ¡°what time is it?¡±


    ¡°it¡¯s early in the morning, still dark out¡ªnobody else is up.¡± He replied.


    ¡°And the day?¡± I prompted.


    ¡°You were asleep for three whole days¡­ The worst days of my life.¡± He answered.


    I grinned and wrapped my four arms around his torso¡ªtrying to pull him up on the bed.


    He chuckled and easily struggled free from my grasp, ¡°you need to sleep. I should let you get some.¡±


    He made to leave, but I said to him, ¡°please stay¡­ Just sleep with me. I will have nightmares without you.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure? You need to rest¡­¡± He replied.


    ¡°I can¡¯t rest without company¡­ The black moth terrified me so much.¡±


    He obliged and crawled in next to me. We faced each other with silent smiles for a moment before his eyes were drawn by Caerwyn¡¯s sapphire and he asked with a dark frown, ¡°what were you doing visiting that slave¡¯s quarters so late at night?¡±


    With my new confidence, I rejected my fear of him and answered teasingly, ¡°are you jealous? You think I¡¯d sleep with a filthy moth slave?¡±


    His eyes did not turn black as he angrily grabbed at my sapphire and commanded, ¡°I want this thing off your neck.¡±


    I looked back at him in surprise and replied a little nervously, ¡°my darling, it is only a gift from Terry¡ªmy templar. He¡¯s like my little brother. And I was visiting that slave¡¯s quarters because I was worried about my sister¡ªshe seems to be having a¡­ Dalliance with the black moth. I was worried for her safety and didn¡¯t want to bother you about it.¡±


    His fist tightened around the sapphire, but in a moment, he relented with a sigh. ¡°You should have told me¡­ I would have done away with him for you.¡±


    I doubted it; Morgan¡ªor rather, the lustful god¡ªseemed to have a kind of power over men that I didn¡¯t fully understand. ¡°I will next time. Paris, is Julia still at court or has she left?¡±


    ¡°She plans to leave for Auren with her husband in three days. As a matter of fact, she asked permission to borrow Terry because he¡¯s such a fine knight. I gave her permission as a sign of goodwill. I hope you don¡¯t mind. I haven¡¯t told Terry yet, however.¡±


    Inside, I was deathly afraid for both me and Terry¡ªaloud I said, ¡°Paris, may I speak with her before she goes? I want¡­ I want to give her something I crocheted as a sign of goodwill.¡±


    ¡°Of course you may, My Queen. As a matter of fact, we¡¯re going hunting in the afternoon tomorrow as a celebration of Nui¡¯s newfound growth¡ªwe¡¯ve finally managed to rebuild it into a fine kingdom with new homes and businesses. You wanted to get out of the castle, so you can come with us¡ªso long as you¡¯re not too tired.¡± He said, kissing my forehead. ¡°I credit the growth of the kingdom to you. I couldn¡¯t have confronted my duties as king without you to encourage and comfort me.¡±


    I giggled with delight and replied, ¡°you give me too much credit!¡±


    I nearly forgot all my troubles when he kissed me, but in the back of my mind, I worried ceaselessly about tomorrow. I had to confront Julia and get her to leave Terry alone as well as figuring out some way to rescue Morgan from an undeserved death. It was the lustful god who had harmed me, not him.


    My plan to rescue Morgan could not involve Paris or I could possibly undo the work I had done with him. The only one I could trust to help me was Terry¡ªand possibly Gerta.


    I must think of how I will confront these problems and write again tomorrow.

 Chapter 37

    Taranheim 181


    I couldn¡¯t sleep soundly through the night. My thoughts were abuzz with how I would tackle the trials of tomorrow.


    Morgan was the more pressing matter. His life was on the line. I at least had a few more days to convince Julia not to take Terry with her to Auren. I didn¡¯t know whether I could save Morgan¡ªor whether he was worth saving--but I was certainly going to try.


    I hated having to get up early in the morning, but it was the best and only time to try and have a talk with Morgan.


    I sat up and grunted in pain.


    I could still feel the cuts on my body. My vision swam for a moment, but I forced myself to climb to my feet. I walked a few steps, feeling lightheaded, and I nearly fell over when I got to the door.


    I leaned against the door, panting. I took a moment.


    With shaking hands, I opened the door and I was going to sneak down to the dungeon but a guard posted outside our quarters stopped me. ¡°By order of the king, you¡¯re not to leave your quarters at night anymore.¡±


    ¡°I am the queen! I can go where I want!¡± I said and tried to brush past him. He seized my arm and I grunted in pain.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, My Queen, I didn¡¯t mean to harm you.¡± The guard said.


    I sighed. ¡°It¡¯s alright. I¡¯ll go back to bed, then. I just wanted to take a walk to clear my head, but I suppose you¡¯re right¡ªI¡¯m still very tired and I might get myself into trouble. Thank you for preventing me.¡±


    The guard smiled at me cheerfully¡ªwon over by my charm. ¡°You¡¯re welcome, My Queen.¡±


    I returned his smile and patted his arm. ¡°You do good work!¡±If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.


    I crawled into bed next to Paris and worried myself endlessly about tomorrow. I wrapped my arms around him and whispered, ¡°your heart¡¯s in the right place. I just wish you weren¡¯t so foolish.¡±


    __


    I finally got to sleep at some time in the night, and I accidentally slept through much of the morning because I was so exhausted. Paris woke me up mid-morning with the physician at his side to make sure I was well enough to go hunting as was planned for later in the day. She did a quick checkup on me while asking many questions, ¡°does it hurt anywhere?¡±


    I could still feel the phantom pains even as I stood, but I shook my head. ¡°No, I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°There aren¡¯t any wounds or anything¡­¡± The physician said contemplatively. ¡°She looks fine. I think she can go hunting with you so long as she takes it easy and spends most of her time sitting.¡±


    ¡°Thank you. I wish to speak with my wife now,¡± Paris told the physician who scurried out of the room. She was very nervous around him.


    ¡°They¡¯re all so afraid of you,¡± I murmured with a drowsy frown. ¡°I want everyone to know how sweet you are¡­¡±


    I leaned my head against his chest. It made me so bottomlessly unhappy that nobody saw him the way I did.


    He kissed my forehead and then shepherded me to the bed and sat me down gently.


    He asked, going through my wardrobe, ¡°what would you like to wear?¡±


    ¡°Something yellow.¡± I replied.


    He chuckled. ¡°That¡¯s not very specific¡­¡±


    ¡°Yellow is the most beautiful and happy color.¡± I explained. ¡°In moth culture.¡±


    He grabbed an extravagant yellow dress from the wardrobe and instructed me to lift my feet. ¡°I love how you only adopted the sweet and good things from your culture.¡± He said, pulling the dress up over my legs.


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to dress me¡­¡± I told him while running my hands through his black hair. Black was malevolence, but it was also a symbol strength and power in moth culture. He may not be physically powerful, but his personality certainly was.


    ¡°I owe you one.¡± He replied.


    I stood up and he pulled the dress up the rest of the way and stole a kiss at the end. He rotated to my back and laced up the back of the dress for me while asking, ¡°why do you need the cheering up of wearing yellow? Is it because of your sister? I wish I could make her a princess but¡ª¡±


    I interrupted him and told him sincerely, ¡°the world is a dark place; it makes me very sad¡­ that is all.¡±


    Paris was silent for a moment¡ªnot following¡ªbut then he said, ¡°I can¡¯t free your sister, but if you wish, I can assign a guard to her to protect her so we don¡¯t have a repeat of this incident.¡±


    I gasped as he kissed the back of my neck. I giggled a little. ¡°You know where that leads! And thank you, but my sister would not appreciate that. She¡¯s very self-reliant.¡±


    ¡°Very well.¡± He said mischievously.

 Chapter 38

    I had two hours before we went hunting. Paris was at his royal council¡ªbut he had assigned two guards to me that I couldn¡¯t shake no matter how much I ordered them to leave me alone.


    I finally thought of a way that they might let me visit Morgan. I said to the two guards, ¡°can you two guard me while I go visit the dastard who tried to kill me? I just¡­ Want to know his motive for romancing my sister and why he killed that guard in such a¡ªhorrifying manner.¡±


    The two guards looked at each other. ¡°That sounds dangerous, My Queen. The king wouldn¡¯t like it.¡±


    I made a face with my back turned to them.


    I had to smooth talk them...


    I turned to them with a grin and my hands clasped in front of me hopefully. ¡°I have the utmost confidence in your abilities to protect me! There¡¯s no reason to fear!¡±


    The guards looked very flattered at that. After a moment they said hesitantly, ¡°well, when you put it like that¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve never been down there before, can you please take me there?¡± I asked them.


    And they guided me down to the bowels of the castle where the dungeon lay.


    It was dark and it smelled horribly. I was frightened and glad to have the guards with me.


    There were rows of cells lined up in the torchlit dungeon and I spotted Morgan hugging his knees on the ground of one.


    I approached him with my two guards in tow and I mustered the most disgusted look I could for the sake of the guards while demanded. ¡°What were you planning on doing with my sister?¡±


    Morgan met my eyes with tears in his own. ¡°I wasn¡¯t planning on doing anything with her! I liked her¡­ I really liked her.¡±


    ¡°Lies! You were planning on sacrificing her in some way to your hideous false god¡ªweren¡¯t you?¡± I accused him with convincing righteousness. ¡°Is that what you did with that poor guard?¡±


    Morgan was weeping in fear. ¡°I never wanted any of this to happen! I¡ª¡±


    I turned to the guards with a convincingly furious face. ¡°Can you please give us some space? I don¡¯t wish you two to hear a lady curse.¡±


    The guards found that to be very amusing and charming and they gave us some space but kept me in view.


    I kept my face furious as I asked Morgan in a low tone, ¡°you have only a few minutes to convince me you¡¯re worth saving; tell me everything you know about the wicked god and how he possessed you.¡±


    Morgan looked confused, but then he spluttered, ¡°I was born into the cult of the mothmen¡ªthey raised me to be the wicked god¡¯s vessel through torturous techniques--they made me into a soulless, gray thing¡ªthat is the only kind of moth the wicked god can possess. But that was not the only requirement. Your sister¡­ The crimson god wanted to let me romance her to get to you.¡±


    For the sake of the guards, I shouted a few loud profanities and then I said to Morgan, ¡°why to get to me?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know¡­ He¡¯s afraid of you.¡± Morgan replied uncertainly.


    What a ridiculous thought! A malevolent and lustful god afraid of me?


    ¡°Why did¡­ Why did the lustful god have you dispose of that guard in such a disgusting way?¡± I asked.


    Morgan screwed his eyes shut with the memory and answered, ¡°he was gathering power.¡±


    ¡°Gathering power¡­?¡± I asked.


    ¡°If he gathers enough, he won¡¯t need to possess a vessel. He will be able to maintain a physical form.¡± Morgan explained.


    ¡°Two more things and quickly; what¡¯s the best way to free you and do you know the meaning behind the menacing black eyes?¡± I inquired.


    ¡°You¡¯d be willing to free me? Truly?¡± Morgan was shocked. Tears came to his eyes. ¡°Thank you¡­ As for the eyes, they bring out the blackest lust in men. When the malevolent god was resurrected through me, a dove flew into the eyes of every man in every kingdom and planted the seed of lustful malevolence in all of them. Some of them are far more susceptible than others. I do not know if there¡¯s a way to get the doves out, but you certainly coaxed them out of me.¡±


    ¡°Thank you so much!¡± I wanted to hug him for such useful information. ¡°Now, how do I free you?¡±


    ¡°My Lady¡­ I thank you for your offer to free me, but¡­ You must let me die. The lustful god will possess me again if you let me live¡ªhe is gathering energy as we speak. I am sorry you suffered such eternal injuries because of me. Thank you for your kindness.¡±


    ¡°What, no¡­!¡± I cried¡ªtears springing unbidden to my eyes. ¡°You live a life of suffering just to end it like this?¡±


    I reached through the bars to try and take his hand, but the guards were at my side in an instant and hauling me away from Morgan.Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!


    ¡°Be careful, My Queen! We all wish harm upon this moth for what he did to you, but he is dangerous! Do you wish for one of us to rough him up in your stead?¡± They asked me.


    I dried my eyes quickly and shook my head. ¡°Just... Just give me a few more minutes with him!¡±


    ¡°Absolutely not, My Lady! The king would have our heads!¡±


    And they hauled me away.


    __


    Two hours later, Paris took me out with many noble men and ladies of his court to go hunting in the nearby forest of Yuriah. To make the ride easier on my invisible wounds, he rode in a carriage with me.


    ¡°You look so down¡­¡± Paris commented.


    I was lost deep in thought about poor Morgan and I had a budding hatred in my heart at the realization of just how disgusting moths could be.


    I leaned on his shoulder with a smile. ¡°I¡¯m just a little tired¡­¡±


    __


    We climbed out of the carriage in front of the forest and joined the other noble men and ladies as the men prepared to mount up.


    Paris looked very nervous about socializing before hunting and stood to the side with me instead. I straightened his clothes with a comforting smile and drew his shoulders back. ¡°Shoulders back and chin up, my love. You¡¯ve nothing to hide. Show them your lovely smile.¡±


    Paris looked upon me with lovesick eyes and graced me with a kiss on the forehead.


    I watched him go, and he greeted the other men with a strong posture and smile.


    I searched the female portion of the crowd for Julia and spotted her easily. Whatever I thought of her, she was an absolutely beautiful lady. Perfect, milky white skin, sunny hair, and a tall and voluptuous figure. More and more, I found myself wishing that I looked like a human and began to find my own reflection very unappealing. Humans were so much more symmetrical with their two arms and legs.


    I headed over to Julia who was talking with a brown-haired woman and asked, ¡°can you please give me a moment with Julia?¡±


    The woman nodded and curtsied, ¡°of course, My Queen.¡±


    I turned to Julia with a sincere frown and my head held high. Julia curtsied politely. ¡°It is good to meet you, My Lady. Is there something wrong?¡±


    ¡°Yes. I know the king has promised to give you my templar, Terry, but I would much prefer to keep him here if you don¡¯t mind. It¡¯s nothing personal¡ªit¡¯s just that he is a great friend and comfort to me.¡± I said to Julia pleasantly.


    ¡°Oh! Terry very much had his heart set on coming with me! He was elated when I told him! He wants to see more of moth territory since he hasn¡¯t been to very many places.¡± She exclaimed. ¡°It would make me and my husband very unhappy if the king took away such a boon¡­¡±


    Paris would be displeased with me if he found out I made relations between him and his new duke tense. This woman was subtly threatening me.


    ¡°We have plenty of guards; why do you want Terry so much?¡± I asked, trying not to get angry at her.


    ¡°Templars have special training; they¡¯re very effective fighters.¡± Julia lied coolly. ¡°We could use one. Besides, I think it is up to your husband whether Terry goes or stays and he already agreed to it.¡±


    I scratched my cheek, trying to convince her without bringing Paris into it or letting her know I knew about her relationship with Terry. ¡°I must be honest; being a moth, I am not liked by the people and none of the noble ladies are my friends. Terry is really my only one¡­ Please let him stay.¡±


    Julia giggled a little. ¡°My! Even as a queen you moths are so pathetic and mewling! Did you have to order your templar to sleep with you? Shall I tell the king?¡±


    I nearly retched. I was disgusted enough by the fact that she had most likely already slept with him, but doubly disgusted by her suggestion that I had. Moths were meant to remain virgins until their marriages at eighteen and were not considered adults until then. Humans could be so repulsive¡ªsleeping with their children.


    I breathed in deeply and said to her in a low tone, ¡°listen, I didn¡¯t want to have to do this, but I know of your affair with my templar and I suggest you leave him be before I tell your husband and mine about it. I am the queen, and, moth or not, you will show me respect. The worst thing I could lose from telling the truth about your affair is approval from my husband. The worst thing you could lose is your husband. I don¡¯t know about your husband, but mine would never believe any ridiculous lies being spread about me.¡±


    Julia looked deathly afraid for a moment, and then she cleared her throat and curtsied lowly and replied, ¡°yes, My Queen. Please forgive me¡­¡±


    ¡°You are forgiven. And one more thing; you will not tell Terry of this encounter.¡± I said to her firmly.


    ¡°Y-yes, My Queen.¡± Julia curtsied again and then scurried into the crowd of women waiting for their men to return.


    I felt exhausted as phantom pain once again pierced my body. I sat down and took a deep breath for a moment.


    I realized, however, that I needed to socialize. I needed these women to like me. In a moment I stood up and had a few conversations with them.


    ¡°Hello,¡± I said to a group of women and curtsied.


    The women were surprised. ¡°Oh my! What a sweet queen! I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen a queen curtsy to her subjects!¡±


    Many of them curtsied back and said to me, ¡°it is good to meet you!¡±


    Before, I would have nervously cowered away from them and they would have ignored me. Now, I carried myself with my head held high and I commanded respect. Many of the women flocked to me and asked questions about moth culture. I answered what I could, but even my knowledge had some gaps in it.


    Most of the human women still avoided me and looked upon me with disgust.


    ¡°It is unbelievable to have a dirty moth queen!¡± I heard some of them saying.


    __


    Paris said to me, as we rode back to the castle in the same carriage we arrived in, ¡°you know Mimi, I think I made a few friends. I think I was¡ªlikable. It was all thanks to your advice.¡±


    I grinned at him. ¡°I think I made a few friends, too.¡±


    ¡°I think I even heard a few women say that they thought I had gotten handsomer!¡± He remarked cheerfully.


    I made a face. ¡°Only I¡¯m allowed to think that of you.¡±


    I frowned after that, just thinking about that poor black moth who was born into torture and lived a life of suffering. God, I ached from sadness just attempting to feel what Morgan must have felt. I had failed him.


    I tried many more times in the day to go see him, but Paris was with me and refused all of my requests, and when he wasn¡¯t with me, the guards refused them.


    He was hanged on the morrow.


    His death made me feel so sad that I felt sick for a whole day afterward and Paris worried about my health as I didn¡¯t want to get out of bed that day until dinner like I had when we first came to the castle.


    __


    After three days had past and Julia left for Auren, Terry found me and wept bitterly on my shoulder. ¡°She asked me to come with her¡ªshe told me she would marry me over her husband¡ªI would have done it. Why would she change her mind? I was ready to give up everything for her.¡±


    I patted his back and felt horribly guilty. I had manipulated the situation so his lover would never ask to see him again.


    My actions were largely selfishly motivated; I loved Terry and wanted to keep him at our castle. But, I did also want to spare him from forever being Julia¡¯s lover and never her husband.


    I made the choice for his future for him and I wished I felt guiltier about it than I did.


    I will write more later.

 Extra: Mothers Birthday

    My diary, today is my mother¡¯s birthday, and I must take a break from writing of today¡¯s events and instead dedicate an entry to my mother.


    I remember her so clearly.


    I remember her eyes that were as vast and dark as the night sky; when the light caught them, they sparkled like thousands of stars.


    I remember how soft and comforting her silken, ivory fur was when she pressed me to it in an embrace. I remember her long and elegant¡ªyet somehow strong--fingers that helped me up when I fell down. I remember her loving smile that was as bright and uplifting as the morning sun. I remember how just seeing mother and knowing she was there made me feel like I was invincible and never alone.Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    Whenever it was mother¡¯s birthday, she never did anything for herself. I remember one birthday she spent entirely on me¡ªtrying to teach me how to fly.


    We stood on a tree branch together and she demonstrated how to fly first. She dove off the branch with perfect form-- looking for all the world like a brilliant swan--and then fluttered into the air looking like what humans called an angel. She encouraged me to jump, but I shook my head in terror. ¡°I¡¯ll die, Mommy!¡±


    ¡°Oh no, my darling! I would never let you die! Do you know why?¡± She asked me and fluttered to my side as I nervously cowered.


    I looked up at her as she took me in her arms. ¡°Because the sun would not rise without you. Because the world would be a lonely and miserable place without you.¡±


    I was always looking up at her. I knew I could never be the woman she was.


    I find myself oftentimes, hugging my knees, and thinking that the sun hadn¡¯t risen for me since she died, and the world was so lonely and miserable without her in it. I was vulnerable now, and I would never be invincible again.

 Chapter 39

    Taranheim 181


    ¡°Alright Mimi, pick up your practice sword,¡± Terry instructed me two days after Julia had left.


    I picked up the sword in the courtyard of the castle where rows of perfectly trimmed bushes were planted along with many beautiful flower beds.


    The weather was warm with a lovely breeze; the sun was shining brightly in the sky and blessing us with its rays.


    I couldn¡¯t believe this was how I had to spend such a wonderful morning.


    I picked up the wooden sword slowly and hesitantly.


    ¡°Okay, now, what you want to do is use both hands and keep them loose. Have one hand on the bottom of the hilt and one at the top.¡± Terry instructed.


    I clumsily tried to imitate his own grip. In my eyes, it looked pretty similar, but apparently I was very off. Terry scratched his head and looked at me in awe. ¡°Your form is so bad¡­¡±


    I sighed and crossed my arms indignantly. ¡°Come on! This is stupid! I don¡¯t see why you want me to learn to use a sword!¡±


    ¡°I told you; what if I¡¯m not around and you get attacked?¡± He replied. ¡°You must have a way to defend yourself!¡±


    I dropped the sword in frustration. ¡°You know I hate swords! I could never actually use one of these things!¡±


    Terry made a face. ¡°My Queen, I demand you pick that sword up this instant!¡±


    I grinned. ¡°Make me!¡±


    And he suddenly charged me. I yelped and brought my wooden blade up quickly. He knocked it out of my grasp in one blow.Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    ¡°See, you¡¯d be dead right now if this was for real.¡± Terry stated the obvious.


    Perhaps he had a point¡­ I sighed. ¡°Very well.¡±


    I was just glad he was feeling better so soon after Julia left him. I wish I had his strength¡ªor any man¡¯s strength. It seemed like they worked through their emotions so quickly.


    ¡°Maybe you can even defend Paris if you get good enough!¡± Terry joked.


    I hit his wooden sword as hard as I could¡ªwhich wasn¡¯t very, and I said, ¡°don¡¯t insult my husband!¡±


    Terry smiled at me, and then his smiled melted into a frown. ¡°He really loves you¡­ He drank himself silly when you were unconscious for three days. I was afraid he would kill himself with how much he was drinking.¡±


    I frowned deeply.


    To think, I had told him no more drinking¡­


    __


    I had not seen a return of the menacing black eyes since Morgan¡¯s death, and I hoped that the lustful god would not come back. He shouldn¡¯t be able to since he no longer had a vessel, but I wasn¡¯t sure. I wished I knew more about him.


    Although a large amount of moths were wild mothmen, we civilized moths ignored them almost entirely and chose not to speak of them or their dark and reprehensible behaviors and gods¡ªwhich led to us knowing almost nothing about them.


    There must be some way to find out more about the lustful god, but I simply couldn¡¯t think of one. There were no books in the castle pertaining to moths at all, let alone wild mothmen.


    I wondered if Gerta knew anything at all. She was always so knowledgeable and resourceful. But¡­


    Gerta hated me with a passion at the moment. She would not speak to me and avoided me when she could. She was angry and blamed me for Morgan¡¯s death. Because I wanted to give her some space, I asked Paris if he wouldn¡¯t mind scrubbing me down in the morning and at night before I got dressed in her stead. He gladly obliged.


    Paris was being very sweet to me. He promised me we would finally ride to the city together today. He would not take me to the lower city where the peasants dwelled, but he would take me to the upper city. It was a good step in furthering my plans to eventually be able to venture into the city alone.


    I felt I almost had him at the point where he would let me already because of the conversation I head him having with his advisors the other day.


    ¡°My king, did you not hear the rumor that your wife has supposedly been giving moth slaves food and gold? You need to be careful with her. She could win their favor to the point where she can incite them to overthrow you.¡±


    ¡°How dare you accuse my wife of treason. You will not speak of her that way again. Do you understand?¡± Paris replied threateningly.


    I grinned smugly. He was entirely on my side, my diary!

 Chapter 40

    Our ride into the city later that day was lovely¡ªalthough my phantom wounds pained me greatly as I rode. The weather was gorgeous, and I got to show off and ride sidesaddle on my own white horse! We brought about twenty guards with us¡ªincluding Terry.


    I got to see the fruits of Paris¡¯ labor. Many new homes were built along with new businesses for men to make a living. The city was thriving and looked very presentable¡ªeven if brick and mortar homes weren¡¯t to my taste.


    We dismounted by a stable and a stable boy took our horses and told us to come pick them up when we were ready.


    I turned and looked about for any interesting shops I wished to go to, and Paris said to me flirtatiously as I did, ¡°you looked so poised and elegant on that horse.¡±


    He brought me close to him by my hips and kissed me far too intimately for being in public. The crowd around us, including the guards, gasped in horror.


    I looked around and sweated at the people who found his public display distasteful.


    I heard people whispering, ¡°the king shouldn¡¯t do that with his wife in public at all! Let alone with a moth!¡±


    Paris, I began to realize, cared far too little of the opinions of others and had no cap on his behaviors. I pushed him away gently and said, ¡°good God! I want to make a good impression!¡±


    Paris recognized I was right and reluctantly released me. I curtsied to the crowd gathering around us who were looking on in horror as their king kissed someone they considered to be a beast.


    ¡°Good morning everyone!¡± I said to them cheerfully. ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you all! I¡¯m sorry I haven¡¯t come out to greet you all sooner--I¡¯ve been a little under the weather since we arrived. I just wanted to let you know that Paris has been working very hard to get Nui as glorious as it once was so that everyone can live in comfort; I know many of you moved to Nui hoping for a fresh place to start over. Just look at how lovely these new businesses and homes are!¡±


    Many of them thought me to be very silly and made snide comments about me, but others thought my speech to be very sweet and commented that Paris was doing a great job and that there was a change in his demeanor that they were accrediting to me. I thought I had made a good impression, but Paris took me into his arms protectively and said, ¡°Mimi, you should not bring such attention to yourself!¡±


    I giggled. ¡°Nothing bad happened! Now, let us look at the shops!¡±


    Moths did not have smithies, and so I found myself drawn to a nearby smithy which was belching smoke out the chimney. The blacksmith showed me the tools and swords he made and how he madethem and I looked on in fascination. He held up a horseshoe and showed me a set of armor he made for wealthy soldiers and even some jewelry he had made.


    I adored the great big ruby ring he had!


    ¡°This is lovely!¡± I squealed.


    ¡°Do you want it?¡± Paris asked me, putting his hands on my shoulders and leaning over one.


    I spun around and nearly jumped with joy. ¡°You¡¯d get it for me?¡±


    ¡°Of course, my precious.¡± He kissed my cheek.


    The blacksmith insisted that he let us have it for free, but I shook my head. ¡°An honest day¡¯s work deserves and honest day¡¯s pay, right Paris?¡±


    Paris made a face and coughed up the gold needed to buy it from his coin purse.


    We went to many shops¡ªincluding the butcher¡¯s shop, a tailor¡¯s shop, and a florist selling beautiful flowers. Paris gladly bought me a bouquet.


    A crowd was looking at us in intrigue and wondering why we were going amongst them. I realized that human royalty probably didn¡¯t go among their subjects the way Daddy and other moth kings did. Many of them whispered that we were very likable and down to earth, and I thought all was going well until a woman threw a tomato at my face.


    ¡°Disgusting! A moth girl in a station that belongs to a human woman and a king that sleeps with beasts!¡± The woman said with jealous fury.


    I wiped the tomato off my face as Paris shouted, ¡°arrest that woman!¡±


    I grabbed Paris¡¯ arm and said to him, ¡°no, don¡¯t! I¡¯m fine¡­" I added in a hushed tone, "this incident makes her look bad, not me.¡±


    Paris was silent for a moment as he looked into my eyes and then he said, ¡°never mind. Leave her be.¡±


    I left Paris¡¯ side and our protective circle of guards without his permission and approached the human woman cautiously. Paris was calling for me hectically and ordering me to come back.


    ¡°Why did you throw that?¡± I asked her.


    The woman would not meet my gaze as she murmured angrily, ¡°my husband and I are peasants living in the lower city who strive for everything we have--we work hard everyday; our youngest child died of hunger while we lived at Ironwall and we moved here to get a new start. All the while the king comes out here and parades a beast around in rich clothing and jewelry that she did not work for or earn and stole from a deserving human queen.¡±Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.


    I looked down sadly. My heart broke at the news of her child. ¡°I am sorry about your child. All I can ask of you is that you hold me to being a fair and good queen.¡±


    I curtsied to her lowly and fell to my knees. She looked down at me in shock and surprise.


    A long moment passed as she gazed at me.


    She crumbled under my determined gaze.


    She sniffled, grabbed my hand, and helped me up. ¡°Forgive me, my queen. I misjudged you.¡±


    I smiled at her and embraced her. ¡°I understand¡­¡±


    In a moment, however, Paris ripped me from the woman¡¯s embrace and hauled me away as I saw the blackness return to his eyes. He scolded me, ¡°what the hell were you thinking! Do you want to get hurt? Do you want to die? There could be dangerous men who agree with that woman¡­¡±


    I never wanted to see those eyes again.


    I said to him with a quavering voice, ¡°you¡¯re hurting my arms..¡±


    I melted under his furious gaze and hoped he would let me go. In a moment, he did. ¡°We¡¯re going back to the castle right now.¡±


    ¡°But we were having so much fun¡­¡± I said sadly.


    And as he continued to berate me, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something very strange. I saw a shining halo appear above Terry¡¯s head who was still standing in the crowd of guards. I saw a beautiful, glowing, ethereal woman whose features were difficult to make out appear in front of him. She was wearing a flowing white robe and floating despite the face that she had no wings. He grabbed him by the cheeks and dragged him along ny them.


    He began running after the woman until he disappeared behind a building and I couldn¡¯t see him.


    ¡°Terry!¡± I screamed and ran away from Paris and the guards.


    I heard Paris yelling my name furiously as I chased after Terry. I ignored him and rounded the corner of the street Terry had gone down. Iaw him heading toward the edge of the city with the ethereal woman holding her arms out to him.


    A chilling wind kicked up as I saw him dash out of the city and run into the woods outside nearby.


    I looked back and saw Paris chasing me with his guards following him and shouting angrily.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry! I promise I¡¯ll come back!¡± I yelled to him and dashed after Terry into the woods of Purjun.


    __


    A pale blue shade covered every inch of the forest when I entered it. It was freezing, and I had no cloak to keep me warm. There was snow on the ground and I realized this was not how the woods should be at this time of year.


    Far in the distance, I saw the ethereal woman hauling the mesmerized Terry forward by his shoulders. I sped up and followed.


    A great mist began descending as I ran. It surrounded me and I could see nothing for minutes. I heard leaves being crunched under my feet along with snow as I went and birds chirping in the distance.


    I took a break and panted for a moment.


    The mist cleared and I smelled smoke.


    I was standing atop a hill and down the short incline I saw savage wild mothmen dancing around a fire in loin cloths and chanting sinisterly.


    They were eating raw animal innards and were sacrificing one of their own people to the wicked god. I clapped a hand to my mouth in horror as I saw a gigantic red dove materialize in the air¡ªcasting the whole forest around it in a blood red color. The dove¡¯s beak snapped at the moth and I looked away.


    I ran away in horror.


    I thought about running back to Paris, but if I lost Terry and he turned up dead I would never forgive myself. I ran deeper into the misty woods until the red lighting shifted back to a calming blue shade.


    I spotted Terry again as he walked into a glowing cave with the ethereal woman shepherding him.


    Wind blew through my fur as I followed the pair. Leaves flew at my face from rustling tree as I entered the cave after him and saw him sitting before a beautiful woman made of roots and grass and other greenery with lovely transparent glittering wings. She was definitely the same woman who was luring him.


    The woman drew him into her embrace and kissed him lovingly. ¡°Yes, you¡¯re the one I¡¯m looking for¡­¡±


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± I demanded the woman, tearing Terry from her embrace. ¡°And what are you?¡±


    ¡°I am a sprite, my dear, and this boy is to be my Catalydd. I have searched for him for thousands of years. Give him here,¡± the woman held out her arms.


    I examined Terry¡¯s face worriedly. He still had a halo over his head and his face was entirely blank. I demanded while holding him close, ¡°Terry, can you hear me? Terry?¡±


    ¡°Give him to me and he will be returned to normal¡ªnot only that, but he will be all the more powerful.¡± The woman told me.


    ¡°What is a Catalydd? What is a sprite?¡± I demanded, not yielding Terry.


    ¡°A Catalydd is a person with a grand destiny. A sprite is a creature that gives special individuals their destiny.¡± The sprite explained.


    I didn¡¯t trust a word she was saying. I took a step backward toward the opening of the cave¡ªready to run. ¡°Special individuals? What makes Terry so special?¡±


    The sprite smiled a little. ¡°Oh, many things¡­ This one has the reddest blood I¡¯ve ever seen. Fate is a funny thing and requires things like unusually red blood to bless someone with a destiny. It is a miracle he has not become a murderer or a rapist. Especially with that dove fluttering in his head and whispering things to him. If only I could take the dove out of his head, but it has burrowed too deeply. It is lucky you have such a calming effect on him.¡±


    It took me a moment, but I remembered my father telling me bedtime stories about this woman from moth holy scripture. This was the goddess of fate, Amser¡ªa neutral goddess who neither wanted moths to succeed or not succeed. She merely wanted an amusing show to be put on.


    ¡°Do you know how to get rid of the doves?¡± I asked her.


    ¡°Only my brother can.¡± Amser replied. ¡°And he never will. Alas, that is why I am here. My brother who died so long ago has been resurrected and is having fun playing with mortals. I want to have fun too.¡±


    I remembered that the god of lust was her sibling god who was killed by the other gods and cast down to the underworld. It was strange to be standing face-to-face with a goddess I had rejected in favor of the human god, and still doubt her existence.


    She stretched out her arms that were made of roots and tore Terry from my grasp. She held him in her arms and on her lap and tapped his forehead three times in a triangular fashion. His forehead lit up for a moment, and then the light faded.


    ¡°There we go, now he has a grand destiny to achieve. You may take him back, my dear.¡± And Amser pushed him toward me. I caught him and was nearly crushed by how heavy he was in his armor.


    I asked her, ¡°what did you do to him?¡±


    She didn¡¯t answer. Instead she snapped her fingers and I appeared with Terry outside of the castle at night. Terry¡¯s eyes no longer looked glazed over and his eyes lit up in confusion. ¡°What happened?¡±


    I told him what I had seen and he was in disbelief.


    ¡°A woman made of greenery? A moth god?¡± Terry was incredulous. But then he said, ¡°But I know you would never lie to me! So it must be true! How strange that anyone should think a peasant like me would have a grand destiny!¡±


    ¡°They aren¡¯t gods,¡± I told him. ¡°They¡¯re nothing but a bunch of jealous brothers and sisters.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re right there! There¡¯s only one god!¡± Terry agreed.


    I looked at the castle in fear. Paris would not be happy that I had run away.


    I will write later.

 Character Extra: Terry

    Terry


    My diary, there are many people in this world who I have feelings about. Some of them I love, some of them I have mixed feelings about, but very few of them do I actually hate.


    Because I like to know exactly how I feel about certain people, I want to make an entry about each important one.


    Terry is one of those special people you meet. Not special in any magical or otherworldly way, but special in a kind of way where they have a particular effect on you. Whenever I am with Terry, I feel like I can be myself. A silly, high-spirited, fifteen-year-old girl who loves to have fun. The time has past for me to be that girl anymore, as I am no long fifteen and no longer a princess.


    As a queen¡ªespecially a queen among humans¡ªyou have to wear many different masks. With Paris, I have to be his utterly desirable and yet sweet and comforting wife who is more human than moth. With the nobles I meet, I have to be a kind and understanding, yet distant queen. With Caerwyn¡­ With Caerwyn, I wanted to be a greater woman than I actually was so that I could match him in goodness and purity. I wished I could be as close with Gerta as I was with Terry, but we simply seemed to have conflicting personalities.Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    But Terry¡ªTerry is family. And you can be yourself around family. Perhaps it is because he is so young, so energetic, so happy, and so foolish that I love him so much. When I look at him, I feel as if I am living the adolescence I lost.


    But it¡¯s not just that that I love about him. Terry is strong. He can fight. He can defend me and has thrown himself bodily in my way to do so. He is fearless¡ªmore fearless than I will ever be. But, like all people, he is complex. He isn¡¯t all sweet and perfect, and certainly has a dark side.


    Terry seems to relish the fight.


    I remember seeing him grinning in battle both when he saved me and Paris from the attack of the moth slaves and when he and Caerwyn fought those mounted knights so long ago. And I swear to God, nobody ever terrified me as much as he did when he pinned me against the door in fury when he told me of his affair with Julia. I truly thought he would kill me with his strength that seemed almost inhuman.


    Terry has short red hair¡ªin moth culture, this is the color of love, passion, and anger. His blue eyes are indicative of almost the opposite in moth culture. They symbolize serenity, illusion, and lethargy.


    Perhaps they tell of a war being raged inside his being.


    Regardless, Terry is the only person left who I know that I love without reservations and unconditionally.

 Chapter 41

    Taranheim 181


    The guards posted outside of the castle hurriedly let me and Terry in. One of the guards, a white-haired, older gentleman with brown eyes noticed how I was freezing and kindly gave me his cloak before shepherding me inside of the castle and telling me the king had locked himself away in our quarters for hours since I had disappeared.


    Before I parted ways with Terry inside of the castle, he held me at arm¡¯s length and asked, ¡°are you going to be alright? You don¡¯t think he¡¯d hurt you?¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°I don¡¯t think so¡ªhopefully not.¡±


    Terry looked upon me worriedly and said, ¡°if he does¡­ Perhaps I should give you my sword?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, Terry. You run on to bed.¡± I told him.


    He gave me an uncertain look, and was about to obey, but instead he said, "oh, Mimi, don''t forget that my dad is coming tomorrow. I''d still like you to be there for moral support.. I-if that''s okay."


    "Of course Terry. I''ll be there." I replied hastily and then gave him a hug before sending him off.


    I climbed the stairs of the castle wearily. I was exhausted from running after Terry all day and worrying so much about him. Once I climbed two flights of stairs, I stood outside the door to our quarters and took a deep breath before pushing the door in.


    The room was a mess. Paris had pulled all my clothes from the wardrobe and thrown them onto the ground. He had even ripped some of them. He had pushed over any piece of furniture he could and had broken a glass vase.


    He was holding his face in his hands¡ªhis back against the wall of the opposite side of the room. The whole room stank of alcohol.


    I walked over to him slowly and uncovered his eyes fearfully, yet purposefully. ¡°I told you no more drinking.¡±


    His hands were trembling and his eyes were red from tears. When he looked upon me, he drew me into his embrace roughly and muttered. ¡°You¡¯re mine¡ªyou¡¯re mine. How dare you run away from me."


    His beath stank and his embrace was suffocating as he murmured, ¡°you ran off into those woods and we searched for you for hours but you were nowhere to be found. I thought you had run away from me forever. Do you wish to escape my loving embrace and run back to your savage people?¡±


    His fingers dug into my back and I winced in pain.


    ¡°You¡¯re hurting me¡­ And I promise you, I was only chasing after Terry¡ªnot running away from you. He was running off and I didn¡¯t know where he was going. I wanted to make sure he was okay, that¡¯s all. I told you I would come back.¡±


    He pushed me down by the wrists and loomed over me as he said, ¡°and you didn¡¯t trust me to find him for you? Why are you always with him, anyway? This sapphire doesn¡¯t seem like the type of thing a little brother should give you.¡±You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    He grabbed the sapphire jealously and the chain dug into my neck as he tried to break it off.


    His eyes had not turned black; he was a legitimately jealous man. I was deathly afraid of him when I realized that. He was very angry at me at the moment, and I had to lighten the mood so he wouldn¡¯t harm me.


    I giggled a little and pulled him closer on top of me. ¡°You¡¯re silly; you have nothing to fear. I can¡¯t believe you¡¯re jealous of a fifteen-year-old templar who is considering taking his final vows. I don¡¯t want anyone else, and I never planned on running away from you. What would it take to get you to realize that?¡±


    ¡°I need proof¡­¡± His words were slurred as he started kissing me. ¡°Proof that you¡¯re mine.¡±


    I wrapped my arms around him and let him kiss me a few more times before I realized I shouldn¡¯t sleep with him while he was drunk.


    I sat up and hung my arms over his shoulders--linking my hands behind his head. ¡°What proof would be good enough?¡±


    ¡°Proof that is equal to the secret I told you.¡± He told me and tried to pin me back down playfully rather than aggressively this time, but I slipped out of his grasp before he could and twisted to my feet.


    ¡°I shall think of something, then, to prove that I am yours.¡± I told him as I slowly backed away from him and leaned against the door. He tried to follow after me with a playful grin but was so drunk he fell down on the pile of clothes he had torn apart.


    I giggled a little. ¡°I¡¯ll see you in the morning.¡±


    __


    Once I was away from him and I found an open room to sleep in, I trembled a little at the dangerous situation I was just in. He could seriously hurt me while he was drunk if I weren¡¯t careful. I had to get him to stop drinking somehow.


    __


    The next day was the day that Terry¡¯s father would arrive at the castle. Igot ready to helpTerry to greet him, and I hoped Paris wouldn''t mind. Hehad agreed to let me days ago, and I wondered if he was still okay with it now--seeing as how he was jealous of Terry.


    We only had one interaction in the morning before he avoided me the rest of the day. He said to me, ¡°I¡¯m sorry if I¡­ Tried anything last night.¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°Nothing I didn¡¯t want you to try. But you must promise me you won¡¯t drink anymore. I don¡¯t want you to harm me.¡±


    He looked at me sadly while running a hand down my face and replied, ¡°I don¡¯t want me to harm you either¡­ I¡¯ll¡ªget you new dresses, I promise.¡±


    I could sense he wanted to say that he wouldn¡¯t drink so long as I didn¡¯t give him a reason to, but he left after he said that and I could tell he hated himself for the way he treated me last night. I had nothing but pity in my heart for him. He was expecting me to leave him.


    __


    Terry¡¯s father was a very old man who needed to use a cane to walk. I greeted him with Terry in tow in the afternoon at the front door of the castle.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t expect the queen herself to come and greet me,¡± the old man said. ¡°In any case, this is a talk an old man must have with his son alone. Come with me, Terry. I¡¯ll treat you to dinner.¡±


    Terry reluctantly began to leave the castle.


    What was normally a rambunctious and confident boy was turned into a withdrawn and sullen one hanging his head in the presence of his father.


    I said before they could leave, ¡°really? I made a feast fit for a king for the three of us and it¡¯s waiting for you in the private dining hall.¡± I said cheerfully. ¡°I would love to get to know the father of such a great and noble templar as Terry!¡±


    The old man raised an eyebrow. He was in disbelief that I had such kind things to say about his son. He shrugged and said, ¡°very well. It would be rude to refuse such a treat from the queen.¡±


    As Terry¡¯s father followed us through the castle and to the dining room, Terry whispered to me, ¡°is there really a fine dinner waiting for him?¡±


    I nodded. ¡°Of course. I came prepared.¡±


    Terry nodded nervously with a grin.


    ¡°Terry.¡± I said to him firmly and quietly. ¡°Just know what you want to do with your own life. If you want to be a templar, be a templar. If you want to be a knight, be a knight. Nobody should tell you otherwise.¡±


    Terry looked at me and regained some of his vigor. He smiled a little. ¡°You¡¯re right.¡±

 Chapter 42

    It was awkward with just the three of us when we arrived at the private dining hall. Terry was silent and picked at his food nervously as I made pleasant conversation with his father in his stead for a time. Eventually, however, his father addressed him.


    ¡°Well, Terry. I think it¡¯s time you took your final vows and became a full templar. You have displayed a marked improvement in behavior and I hear good things about you even in Ironwall. I hear he even saved your life, My Lady, and I hear he has become a fine gentleman.¡± His father said amiably.


    Terry cleared his throat. He looked at me first, and I nodded at him encouragingly, and then he looked at his father and said reluctantly, ¡°yes, father¡­¡±


    I was stunned. I knew this wasn¡¯t what he wanted. I cleared my own throat and said, ¡°Terry really has become such a gentleman! He is kind, patient, and the best company anyone could have! Why, I think he could be a Templar or a knight if he wanted to be!¡±


    ¡°Well, of course he behaves around you. You are a moth and moths are not the prettiest creatures in the world¡ªTerry told me himself he finds them to be repulsive. It is human men he cannot be trusted around, let alone women. It is best he remain with the priesthood and become a templar. He was always kissing girls without their permission and picking fights with other boys. It is true he is a gentleman right now, but inside lies a demon that can only be kept at bay with help from the priesthood.¡± His father said finitely.


    Terry sank into his chair, embarrassed and chastised.


    I didn¡¯t take kindly to the way he was treating my friend. I said angrily, ¡°maybe if he had a proper father and mother to guide him, he wouldn¡¯t have such issues!¡±


    ¡°Mimi, please¡­¡± Terry said quietly.


    Terry¡¯s father glared at me. ¡°You may have the title of queen, but you are still a dirty moth. You will never be my queen and you cannot tell me what to do with my own son.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s his life, not yours!¡± I countered furiously.


    ¡°You¡¯re a whore just like his mother was¡ªsleeping with your enemies. No wonder he likes your company.¡± Terry¡¯s father replied without respect for the fact that I was queen.


    Terry suddenly slammed his fists on the table and said, ¡°shut the hell up! You can speak to me that way but I won¡¯t let you speak to Mimi that way! She¡¯s not a dirty moth or a whore! She¡¯s my friend and it is the greatest honor to pledge my loyalty to her! She showed me kindness and compassion where you have shown me only hatred! I don¡¯t want to be a templar--I want to be a knight!¡±


    ¡°You will do no such thing.¡± His father threatened.


    ¡°I can do what I like with my own life! I.. I¡¯ve had enough of you always treating me like a monster just because you hate my mother! You always used any small excuse to hit me or call me names! You sent me to be a page because taking care of me was just an obligation to you!¡± Terry shouted with tears in his eyes.


    ¡°If you become a knight, you won¡¯t see me again.¡± His father challenged him with cold eyes.


    ¡°You are cruel! This is your son and you would choose to abandon him forever!¡± I interjected.


    Terry was silent for a moment as tears streamed down his cheeks and then he said, ¡°I guess I won¡¯t see you again then.¡±


    His father stared him down silently, and then finished his plate of food. ¡°Goodbye.¡±Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    __


    Terry was embarrassed by his tears and we went our separate ways for the day after that with him leaving before I could have a word with him.


    I had another sidesaddle lesson later on and I got some more knitting done as I thought about what to give Paris to prove my love and loyalty to him. He loved the blanket I knitted for him and always used it at night.; the blanket was a wonderful success and I wanted to give him another thing along those lines.


    I remembered a story Mother used to tell me as a child about a handsome prince whose princess¡¯ soul was stolen from a wicked moth mage. The only way to save his princess was to give her his soul by transferring it to a special flower and hanging it around her neck in the form of a necklace. The prince died, but he lived on in the flower that gave the princess life.


    The flower in the story was real, but incredibly rare. Some grew just inside the Purjun woods but would only grow if one sprinkled a tiny bit of moth blood on them.


    I thought it was the most romantic idea I could think of¡­ But did I really want to give this man my soul? Even figuratively?


    I wondered about how I would feel if he wasn¡¯t in my life¡ªhow it would feel if he never kissed me or took me in his arms again, and I realized that was not a life I wanted to live. More than that, I thought of how he could possibly drink himself to death if I ever left him and I realized just how much I loved to be needed by him.


    I looked at the ruby ring he had given me with lovesick eyes and realized I had fallen deep in love with this incredibly flawed man to the point where I couldn¡¯t be cured of it, for better or worse.


    __


    I found Terry later in the day, sitting on the ground in the courtyard and looking up at the setting sun thoughtfully.


    I sat next to him and said to him, ¡°I¡¯m sorry about your father.¡±


    He shrugged with unshed tears. ¡°I hated him. I hated mom, too. I¡¯m better off without them. I just wonder why I can¡¯t stop crying over people I hate and I only cried for one day over someone I did.¡±


    He was referring to Julia, and I said to him comfortingly, ¡°family is the most important and wonderful thing a person can have. I know if my parents didn¡¯t love me I would never stop striving for their approval. Terry, you¡¯re so strong. You¡¯re turning out to be an amazing knight despite such wicked parents. You should be proud.¡±


    Terry smiled at me appreciatively and then returned his gaze to the sky before saying, ¡°I have something for you.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± I replied.


    He pulled out a sword from his sheath with a topaz jewel in the hilt and handed it to me. ¡°I¡¯m not sure you¡¯d appreciate it since you don¡¯t like swords, but¡­ It¡¯s the most expensive thing I own. My father gave it to me and said I couldn¡¯t use it until I became a full templar. Now that that¡¯s not going to happen, I want you to have it. You¡¯re my family, not him; I know how much you like yellow. You¡¯re always wearing it.¡±


    I cried tears of joy at his sweetness and took the sword and examined it. The topaz jewel was gorgeous and I thought the workmanship on the sword was superb¡ªalthough I didn¡¯t know anything about swordcraft. I set it aside for a moment and threw my arms around Terry. ¡°I love it!¡±


    At that moment, Paris walked into the courtyard and saw our embrace. He looked so angry and jealous I thought he might kill us both, but his expression softened after a moment and he just looked miserable.


    ¡°Paris, wait!¡± I said to him before he turned and left.


    Terry was confused. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with him?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s ridiculous, but he thinks we¡¯re in love.¡± I replied.


    Terry chuckled. ¡°Seriously?¡±


    I elbowed him playfully. ¡°We both know that¡¯s not true since you apparently find moths hideous.¡±


    Terry cleared his throat awkwardly. ¡°I wish father hadn¡¯t told you that¡­ But I can¡¯t help it.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± I replied without offense. ¡°Terry, I have an odd favor to ask of you. I don¡¯t think Paris will let me leave the castle without some sort of guard stopping me, so I need you to take this tiny glass of my blood to the Purjun woods tomorrow and dump it on the grass under one of the red leafed trees. A special, furry, ivory flower should grow when you do. If you could take it back to me that would be wonderful.¡±


    I held out the tiny glass of blood and he took it with a queasy face. ¡°Sounds weird, but okay.¡±


    ¡°By the way Terry¡­¡± I said slowly. ¡°I need to tell you about the bird in your head. I wasn¡¯t sure you would believe me about the moth goddess we ran into, but now that I know you do, it is best that you also know of the god of lust.¡±


    I told him and it scared him to no end. He was worried he might end up hurting me with that bird in his head, but I assured him I trusted him implicitly.


    For now, I must practice exactly what I will say to convince Paris that I love him once I have the flower in hand.


    I will write again later.

 Chapter 43

    Taranheim 181


    After I told Terry about the bird flying around in his head, I also remembered to tell him before he would set out to find the flower tomorrow, ¡°Terry, be very careful when you leave tomorrow. I saw wild mothmen in that forest. Please, if you see any sign of them at all, just run.¡±


    And we parted ways after that and I thought of any unfinished business I wanted to take care of before I went to bed.


    I decided I wanted to finally have a talk with my sister. I thought I couldn¡¯t stand another minute of her hating me and wanted to at least try to explain to her what happened with me and Morgan. I asked a slave who was shaking out a rug in the castle where Gerta was.


    He told me, ¡°she¡¯s straightening up the private dining hall.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± I replied and went to go find her.


    Being very short, she was standing on a chair and wiping down the table with a consternated frown on her face when I entered the room. She shot me a glare briefly and then ignored me.


    I cleared my throat awkwardly. ¡°Gerta, you don¡¯t have to talk, but you could at least listen.¡±


    She wiped down the table all the harder in anger, and said nothing.


    ¡°I know you¡¯ll never believe me, but I can¡¯t apologize enough for Morgan¡¯s death. I was just worried for your safety and I wanted to confront him to make sure he wasn¡¯t planning anything sinister. I didn¡¯t think¡­ I didn¡¯t think things would end up like they did.¡± I told her sincerely.


    She stopped scrubbing the table for a moment and took a deep breath while hunching over. In a moment, she allowed herself to cry. ¡°I¡­ I know¡­ You just went to confront him for me, and then you ended up unconscious for three days. It¡¯s Morgan I should hate and not you. You were right about him, it seems¡­ He was a wild mothman. I can¡¯t help the way I felt about him, though. Men always just ignored me¡ªeven father did. But Morgan was different. He seemed so lively and innocent and he wanted to spoil me. Nobody ever treated me so much like a lady.¡±


    Gerta tossed her rag at the wall with angry tears. ¡°I want to stop being petty and hating you. You¡¯re all I have!¡±


    She hunched over the table and her whole body shook with sadness. ¡°My hands are raw from working so hard each and every day¡­ I¡¯ve been spat on by at least three humans, and even kicked by a few.¡±If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    I flew to her side and hugged her, unable to imagine what she had been through. I told her comfortingly. ¡°Gerta, the Morgan you loved seemed like a sweet mothman. He told me he was born into the wild mothman cult¡ªhe was a victim¡ªand despite everything, he wanted to do the right thing for everyone in the end.¡±


    She asked me while sniffling, ¡°truly?¡±


    I nodded. ¡°Truly.¡±


    She wept and wept, and, remembering back to our childhood, I remembered that Gerta almost never cried. How rare and strange a thing it was to see her cry now. ¡°I miss being a princess. I miss my mother and our siblings and how we used to play together and our beautiful kingdom made of wood!¡±


    ¡°I miss it too¡­¡± I replied wistfully.


    In a moment I said to Gerta because I felt she could be trusted, ¡°I have to tell you something. You may not believe it, but the god of lust was resurrected through Morgan. And when he was resurrected, a bird flew into the eyes of every man in every kingdom. I believe that is where the human power to summon lightning bolts comes from. But there is something else as well; it seems as if any man in the kingdom can be corrupted by these birds in their heads and go mad at any time. Gerta, do you know of any way to release these birds?¡±


    She was in disbelief of the story, but she slowly replied, ¡°I don¡¯t know why you¡¯d lie, so I will believe you. If I remember scripture correctly, only the crimson god himself can take the bird out.¡±


    ¡°Oh no¡­¡± I said sadly. And then in a moment I said happily, ¡°you believe me, then?¡±


    Gerta nodded slowly and she looked very ashamed of herself. ¡°I should have asked to visit you while you were unconscious. I¡¯m such a terrible sister. I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°You can make it up to me! I have something to tell you! You see, I have a plan to free the moths slaves, and maybe you can help!¡± I informed her of what I wanted to do with Paris and the moth slaves, and she agreed to do anything she could to help. ¡°Of course I¡¯ll aid you; I want to try and start liking you. I promise I won¡¯t tell anyone either.¡±


    I told her everything I knew and everything that happened to me concerning the lustful god and she took in the information with a look of shock on her face.


    There was a great pause between the two of us when I finished and she said, ¡°Mimi, I have something to tell you. I know Markus went behind my back and told you that father didn¡¯t rescue you on purpose, but there¡¯s something else too that you should know. When the change happened in father and the giants stole you away, your mother set out to find you by herself because father wouldn¡¯t aid her. She died out on the road¡ªkilled by a human who robbed her. I left to find her and that¡¯s when thunder struck Nui. I¡¯m so sorry I couldn¡¯t find the heart to tell you before; she saved my life in a way. I managed to bury her before the humans enslaved me.¡±


    I blinked away tears.


    She didn¡¯t even get to die with her family.


    Gerta consoled me and let me cry on her shoulder.


    At least I knew for sure now that my parents loved me right up until the end¡ªeven father did. It¡¯s just that his mind had been corrupted by that lustful bird whispering things in his head.


    However, I never really doubted their love for me but for a second after Markus had informed me of the awful news of my father. Their love was ingrained in me, and not even the magic that had veiled my father in darkness could fool me.

 Chapter 44

    I headed to bed later with a heavy heart and found Paris there waiting for me. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at his feet. I should have been afraid of him, but I craved his affection.


    His love was ruthless, and I needed that at the moment.


    I threw my arms around him and leaned my head against his chest. ¡°You didn¡¯t have to avoid me all day. I missed you!¡±


    He held me close¡ªthis time with a caring and light touch rather than the aggressive one from last night. He sniffled a little and then sank to his knees on the floor. ¡°I don¡¯t deserve your kindness. What did I do to you last night? Tell me the truth.¡±


    ¡°You did nothing to me. Although, I am angry at you for destroying so many of my dresses! And don¡¯t worry, I thought of a brilliant way to prove my love for you!¡±


    He shook his head--astounded by my words. ¡°Even now you are so sweet and kind. You don¡¯t need to prove your love to me¡ªthat was such an awful thing for me to say. Please forgive me. I¡¯m a cowardly and worthless man who can¡¯t confront any of the problems in his life sober. You¡¯d be better off if I were dead. Everyone would be.¡±


    I gasped in horror. ¡°Can¡¯t you see that I¡¯d be miserable without you? You¡¯re so good and kind to me when you¡¯re sober. What gives you the right to say I¡¯d be better off without you? You¡¯re one of the only people I have left to love.¡±


    Paris pressed his forehead against my legs. ¡°because my father and my siblings are better off without me. I hear news that they¡¯re all doing better without me, and Ironwall as a whole is doing better without me. You¡¯d do better without my abuse as well.¡±


    ¡°You have not abused me! You just need to stay away from wine and beer and those things that make a wonderful man into a monster.¡± I told him sincerely.


    He was quiet for a moment before he murmured, ¡°I turned to drinking so long ago, and now I don¡¯t know how to stop.¡±


    ¡°Why did you turn to it?¡± I asked him. ¡°What happened to you that you need it more than me?¡±


    A tense silence hung over the room, but in a moment, Paris took a deep breath and told me.


    ¡°So many things turned me to it. My oldest brother Peter always made fun of how I was no good at swordplay or horse riding; he said I could never pass for a man. Even my middle brother who goes against scripture and flirts with boys was preferred to me, and for good reason. I was an odd child. Many people thought I lacked a soul because I spoke so little and was always so withdrawn around people. From the start, people avoided me and I heard them say they got a queasy feeling in their stomach around me.


    ¡°And then there were the punishments. Do you know the punishment my siblings got for being naughty? It was only harsh words. But in my case, Father would lock me in my room alone for hours on end with no one to talk to. At his cruelest he would leave me in there for a whole day and I would pound on the door and scream for anyone to let me out. Peter would often come by and taunt me. He jingled the keys outside of the door--mocking my pain.


    ¡°I was always paying for my mother¡¯s mistake¡ªshe made a wicked child with a lowly knight who must have been equally wicked.¡± Paris leaned his head into my stomach as if begging mercy from a priest and clawed with trembling hands at my dress. I ran my hands through his hair and cried at his pain.


    He continued after a moment, ¡°She was an awful wife but a wonderful mother. Father spoiled her and loved her and gave her everything she wanted but she would never look him in the eyes. She would always want out of his hugs and she turned her nose up at his kisses. I wondered how a woman could be so cold until I met a few for myself and realized that all they wanted from me was gold, pretty jewels, and fine dresses. They hated me like everyone else did and I heard them whispering about me once they got what they wanted out of me.¡±If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    I fell to my knees beside him and kissed his cheeks affectionately. ¡°Your family should be ashamed of themselves! Nobody deserves such abuse! You shouldn¡¯t care what they have to say--you should only care what your wife has to say! Of course you¡¯re not perfect, but you still have love in your heart to give after being given none yourself! That is a precious thing!¡±


    He leaned his head against my shoulder. ¡°And here I find a woman who actually loves me and I treat her so poorly and give heed to idle gossip spread about you and a clueless fifteen-year-old. God I¡¯m pathetic.¡±


    I thought about who might have spread such gossip, and I realized that that witch Julia must have spread it out of spite before she left after all.


    He was starved for love. I was too. I was tired of being hated by everyone but for a choice few. I was sick of being called a whore and a traitor and forever apologizing for a situation I never asked for.


    Paris was one of the only good things to come out of it.


    I grabbed the blanket I made him and draped it over his shoulders. He wiped away his tears with a chuckle and kissed me.


    We both went to bed happy?.


    __


    I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible thought in my head.


    Paris had the slaves pick up what was left of my wardrobe and had them straighten up the room which he had wrecked. I searched my wardrobe frantically for the dress Caerwyn had given me and found that it was still intact. I sighed gratefully and then crawled back into bed.


    __


    Even though Gerta said she would no longer mind scrubbing me down in the morning, Paris still wanted the job for himself. He got dressed first and had a slave come in and fill the tub with hot water. I climbed in and Paris looked very moody and lost in thought as he usually did while he scrubbed my fur with his mind elsewhere. I wanted to cheer him up.


    ¡°Look! I¡¯m a fish!¡± I said and submerged myself below my oval eyes in water. I opened and closed my mouth like a fish unblinkingly.


    Paris chuckled and scrubbed the top of my head. ¡°You are far too pretty to be a fish!¡±


    I giggled and popped out of the water while linking my arms behind his head. ¡°Am I? Even Terry thinks I¡¯m ugly¡­¡± I said and sniffled melodramatically.


    ¡°You, my dear, are the loveliest woman I¡¯ve ever seen! You¡¯re so lovely I want the whole world to know it! Which is why I will let you ride into the city whenever you want so long as you take Terry and Paul with you! ¡­And you just got water all over me¡­¡±


    I squealed cheerfully and hugged him tightly. ¡°Truly?¡±


    He gazed at me passionately and replied, ¡°truly. And now I have to change my clothes¡­¡±


    I giggled. ¡°You should have done it naked like you did before! Off with those clothes!¡± I pawed at his tunic playfully.


    ¡°I should always remember to get you ready for the day before I do me.¡± He kissed my forehead. ¡°After all, my day doesn¡¯t start without you!¡±


    He disrobed and I still had an impulse to look away shyly while he did.


    Most girls wouldn¡¯t think him the prettiest picture, but I did. He was very tall and very thin and it made him look very distinguished and interesting¡ªlike a giant stick insect!


    I suddenly asked him, ¡°wait, who¡¯s Paul?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s a very old knight and a great friend of mine who followed me to Nui. He tried to teach me swordplay and he was always looking after me.¡± Paris explained. ¡°Just promise me you¡¯ll stay away from the lower city and any moth slaves. I don¡¯t want peasants getting their mitts on you.¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± I replied happily.


    This was such a great stride in my plans. I still couldn¡¯t get much done in meeting and talking with the moth slaves without Paul telling Paris, but at least I could speak to the humans and make good friends with them.


    __


    I met with Terry later in the day and he managed to get me the fuzzy white flower unscathed. He handed it to me and I smelled it with a peaceful smile on my face. There was no flower rarer or more comforting than the lovely fajurn.


    ¡°Did you see anything?¡± I asked. ¡°Were there any wild mothmen?¡±


    Terry shook his head. ¡°Not that I saw.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± I replied while dancing on my feet excitedly.


    ¡°Guess what Terry,¡± I said giddily. ¡°You get to ride into the city with me!¡±


    I am too excited my diary! I will write more later!

 Character Extra: Gerta

    Gerta


    Gerta is a girl I have always had mixed feelings about. I mean, of course I love her¡ªshe¡¯s family! But she has always been so¡­ So serious! Her mind was always on work and her duties about the castle! Of all my siblings, she avoided me the most and was always short-tempered when we spoke. I always admired her intelligence, her toughness, and her hardworking nature; I just wish she didn¡¯t insult me for liking to have fun!


    Come to think of it, almost all of my sister siblings seemed short-tempered around me and didn¡¯t like to talk to me much with the exception of my oldest one, Wilma. I got along far better with my male siblings! They were so much fun to play with and less serious!


    When I asked Wilma why all my sisters seemed to avoid me she answered, ¡°you are so sweet and na?ve--you command all the attention at court¡ªevery man loves you and wants to protect you! They are jealous, button.¡± She answered, using her nickname for me.


    I didn¡¯t quite understand what she meant at the time, but I did now. Men loved to be useful, and they felt their most useful when they were protecting defenseless women like me.Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Gerta was not defenseless. She relished hard work and she never cried, and the price was lack of male attention.


    Like most mothwomen, Gerta was very small¡ªa whole two feet smaller than mothmen and human men. She always matched the standard of beauty in moth culture better than I did. She was curvy and even shorter than most mothwomen who were tiny to begin with! I was something of a strange oddity of a mothwoman as I took after my mother who happened to be very tall. The only reason why I was so much more sought after than her was my ivory fur and my clueless personality.


    Gerta¡¯s fur was aptly brown; a color representing earthliness, defensiveness, and motherhood. Brown was a perfectly pretty color, but it was common, and Gerta was treated as such.


    God, Gerta deserved so much better than being a slave. She deserved so much better than always being ignored by father and every man at his court. I remember she quite fancied Markus¡ªthe handsome peppered moth¡ªand she tried so hard to get his attention. She wore her best dresses, acted the most feminine she could muster, but he ignored her and went straight to me.


    Gerta deserved to be in my position¡ªand I should be in hers.

 Chapter 45

    Taranheim 181


    As it turned out, Paul was the old man who had given me his cloak the other night and told me of Paris¡¯ dark mood.


    ¡°Oh! It¡¯s you!¡± I said as we were about to head out of the castle together. ¡°Thank you for giving me your cloak the other night!¡±


    He nodded. ¡°It was an honor.¡±


    Like Paris, Paul was a very tall man and dwarfed me and Terry¡ªand particularly Terry, as he happened to be quite short despite being so strong. At least I would be safe with him!


    Around my own waist, Paris gave me permission to carry Terry¡¯s topaz sword in a sheath. I was almost worthless in a fight, but at least I could possibly block a few hits from a sword if we were attacked.


    We set out together on horseback and headed into the city.


    We dismounted near the stable like before and then I excitedly ran down the cobblestone street with my heels clacking all the way. I had to use my time wisely!


    I did something completely out of my comfort zone and visited the blacksmith from before. I asked him, ¡°can I please assist you in making something? It sounds like fun!¡±


    I wanted this man to spread good word about me, but I also genuinely thought his work looked fun. Paul said to me, ¡°My Lady, Paris would not like you lowering yourself and toiling in such heat.¡±


    ¡°But I want to help¡­¡± I said bitterly.


    The blacksmith grinned and said, ¡°I¡¯m very flattered, My Lady, but I wouldn¡¯t want you toiling either. If you want, you can watch me make a sword.¡±


    I was downtrodden, but I replied, ¡°very well¡­¡±


    I sat on a stool and watched in fascination as he began ¡®edge hammering¡¯ a piece of thick metal and the metal began to compress to the point where it was very thin. After that, he began tempering the blade in a fire pit.Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    Terry said to me with a yawn after many minutes had past, ¡°why do you find this so fascinating?¡±


    I was mesmerized and I replied, ¡°moths don¡¯t have metal things! This is amazing!¡±


    ¡°My Lady, you give my work too much credit. Although I am very happy to see someone of your station finding my work so wonderful.¡± The blacksmith replied.


    I watched him make the blade unblinkingly, and when he finished he asked curiously after letting me examine the blade, ¡°My Lady, I noticed you are carrying around a blade of your own. Is it because of that ambush you suffered awhile back?¡±


    I nodded. ¡°It is¡­¡±


    ¡°That blade looks a little heavy for you, My Lady. Male moths only have half the strength of male humans and so I must assume that human males nearly triple the strength of female moths. Would you like me to make you a lighter blade to use?¡± The blacksmith asked. ¡°Free of charge, of course.¡±


    ¡°I did not know that,¡± I replied. No wonder we were so easily enslaved; the only thing moths really had on humans, I supposed, was that some of them had powerful magic.


    I replied to the blacksmith, ¡°but I like Terry¡¯s sword¡­¡±


    Terry shrugged. ¡°You can keep it as a memento, I won¡¯t be offended. It¡¯d be good to have the best blade possible to defend yourself with.¡±


    ¡°So long as you don¡¯t mind, I suppose I¡¯d like a lighter sword!¡± I told the blacksmith cheerfully.


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you come back by the end of the day and I¡¯ll have it ready for you?¡± The blacksmith said kindly.


    I replied, ¡°certainly!¡±


    After we left the smithy, I dashed down another street and looked for other interesting shops to visit. I found a shop that made carpets and I popped in and looked at the ones that were on display. I shrieked in excitement when I saw a beautiful yellow carpet with flowers embroidered on it.


    The woman running the shop said, ¡°goodness, My Lady! Do you like that carpet? You can have it if you like.¡±


    ¡°I love it! Um¡­¡± I already felt guilty about letting the blacksmith make me a sword for free, and I wanted to make friends with this woman, so I took out the bit of spending money Paris had given me and paid for the carpet. ¡°I¡¯ll pay you for it, don¡¯t worry!¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± I asked the carpet seller as I paid her the appropriate amount for the carpet.


    ¡°My name is Tara. It¡¯s good to meet you, My Lady. Nui is faring very well. The business I get here is much better than the business I received in Ironwall, and it is a very homely and comfortable place since you and the king have been working so hard at rebuilding it.¡± Tara said kindly.


    ¡°Thank you, although it is mostly my husband! He¡¯s wonderful and slaves away to keep everyone happy!¡± I stated cheerfully.


    ¡°He was so moody and scary before he married you though, My Lady. I don¡¯t think he¡¯d be doing as good a job without you.¡± Tara said sweetly.


    What amazing news! Both she and the blacksmith liked me very much despite my being a moth!


    ¡°Can you show me how to make carpet sometime?¡± I asked her. ¡°I¡¯d love to know how!¡±


    ¡°Of course, My Lady, you¡¯re welcome here any time.¡± She said with a grin.

 Chapter 46

    Paul kindly carried around the giant carpet for me as we continued visiting shops. I went to a glass maker¡¯s shop with lovely vases on display along with plates and other such items. The glass maker turned his nose up at me when I entered but said nothing.


    I called to him, ¡°hello! It¡¯s good to meet you!¡±


    The man glanced my way and waved at me without a word. Terry looked wary and whispered to me, ¡°I don¡¯t like this guy¡­¡±


    I shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m not offended.¡±


    I looked at all of the glass wares he was selling and my eye was caught by a pretty red vase for holding flowers. Red reminded me of Paris?. I turned to the glass maker and asked him, ¡°how much is this one?¡±


    The glass maker, who clearly wanted me out of his shop, replied, ¡°that one is ten gold.¡±


    I was unwise when it came to the appropriate amount things should cost. Paris hadn¡¯t given me enough spending money to afford it. I frowned sadly.


    Paul said to the man, ¡°that¡¯s outrageous. There¡¯s no way this vase could be worth that much. Are you trying to swindle the queen, sir?¡±


    The glass maker looked visibly uncomfortable and then cleared his throat. ¡°Five silvers please, My Queen.¡±


    Because I wanted him to like me, I paid him a gold and I asked him, ¡°how¡¯s business?¡±


    ¡°Fine.¡± He replied shortly.


    I scratched my cheek, trying to think of a way to get him to open up. ¡°Your glass wares are so pretty! I wish I could make them! Can you show me how?¡±


    The man¡¯s eyes turned black and he said darkly, ¡°you got what you wanted. Get out.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t speak to the queen like that!¡± Terry said protectively.


    I held up my hand as Terry and Paul both took defensive postures. ¡°It¡¯s alright. Let¡¯s respect his wishes.¡±


    We left the man¡¯s shop and I sighed. There were probably many more like him¡­


    And there were. We visited the marketplace along with dozens of more shops (in which Terry began to complain of boredom and his feet hurting) and far more of the citizens of Nui were ruder than they were kind. Many of them opened up to me as I tried to get to know them and seemed to change theirs minds about me, but others weren¡¯t swayed.


    Paul wouldn¡¯t let me hang around those people who didn¡¯t seem to like me very much and would haul me away if he thought the situation got too uneasy. I tried to trick Paul by pretending to accidentally head closer to the lower city, but he said, ¡°My Queen! You shouldn¡¯t cross lower than you already are!¡±


    ¡°Oh! I didn¡¯t even realize!¡± I lied.


    I ended the day by visiting the florist. I turned to Paul and asked him, ¡°what¡¯s your favorite flower?¡±


    He was silent for a moment and looking very thoughtful. After a moment he answered, ¡°lilies.¡±


    I turned to Terry. ¡°What¡¯s yours?¡±


    Terry crossed his arms. ¡°I don¡¯t have a favorite flower! That¡¯s for girls.¡±If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    Paul surprisingly laughed a little at that and I thought his eyes looked a little shiny¡ªlike he was holding back tears. He was silent for almost the whole trip and I thought him quite intimidating. What a strange thing it was to hear him laugh at mine and Terry¡¯s squabble.


    I said to Terry, ¡°tulip it is!¡±


    I purchased the lily and tulip for Paul and Terry respectively, and a red rose for Paris and a yellow one for myself.


    ¡°Put them behind your ears!¡± I said to Terry and Paul and clapped my hands together excitedly.


    ¡°No way!¡± Terry protested.


    Paul chuckled and stuck the lily behind his ear with tears in his eyes. He asked me, ¡°how do I look, My Queen?¡±


    ¡°Very dashing!¡± I answered, glaring at Terry.


    Terry groaned and, not to be outdone, stuck the tulip behind his ear. I giggled and said, ¡°you look dashing too, Terry!¡±


    I picked up the sword the blacksmith made me before we headed back to the castle. The blacksmith said proudly that it was some of his best work because he had me as a muse, and it was indeed, a very pretty sword which was lightweight and finely crafted. On our way there, Terry told me of the knight in the castle he was squiring for.


    ¡°He¡¯s been teaching me more swordplay techniques, but otherwise, without any wars or battles happening, I mostly just clean his armor and sharpen his blades.¡± Terry told me. ¡°Speaking of which, we need to have another lesson, Mimi!¡±


    Paul interjected, ¡°she is the queen. You should not use her name.¡±


    Terry exchanged glances with me and he rolled his eyes. I chuckled a little under my breath.


    __


    When I arrived back at the castle, I asked the slaves to lay out the new carpet in mine and Paris¡¯ quarters and then I put the fajurn flower along with the yellow and red roses in the red vase I had bought.


    As I sat on the bed and admired our new carpet, I sighed in comfort. I felt really happy for the first time in a long time.


    Paul seemed very nice, albeit very quiet. I thought about his almost-tears when I was buying flowers and wondered what had made him sad.


    I thought very intently for a moment and wondered if he could be brought to be as loyal to me as Terry was. Terry was so sweet and open-minded and he got something that was invaluable to him out of his friendship with me.


    Perhaps I needed to find out the thing that was invaluable to Paul and give it to him.


    Before bedtime, I got in a sword lesson with Terry (I was slightly improving, but my skills were nothing compared to his), and then I asked Terry something I¡¯d been meaning to for awhile once we finished, ¡°Terry, is it okay for a queen to be a physician? I¡¯d love to learn so I can help the wounded.¡±


    Terry cocked his head to the side with a little smile. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­ What if you or Paris get hurt and I¡¯m the only one around?¡± I replied.


    ¡°I see nothing wrong with you learning the trade, but you have to ask Paris, not me.¡± Terry replied.


    ¡°Very well¡­¡± I answered uncertainly. It was okay if Paris didn¡¯t approve my request, I just didn¡¯t want any man I loved to be wounded for me and have no skills to be able to help them recover.


    __


    Paris was very late to bed that night and he looked exhausted when he clicked the door open. Seeing the rug perked him up a bit and he couldn¡¯t help but grin. ¡°Did you buy this lovely rug for us?¡±


    I nodded and replied, ¡°there¡¯s something else, too.¡±


    He looked around until he spotted the red vase and then we both strolled over to it together. He took the fajurn out of the vase with sparkling eyes. ¡°This is so beautiful.¡±


    I leaned on his shoulder and told him, ¡°there¡¯s an old story Mother used to tell me about a prince who transferred his soul to the fajurn flower and gave it to his princess whose soul was stolen by a wicked mage so that she could live. I¡¯d¡­ I¡¯d like to figuratively give you mine.¡±


    Paris looked at the flower with love and tears brimming in his eyes and then placed it gently back in the vase and took me in his arms. ¡°You keep surprising me¡­ I must remember to do something equally nice for you. I can¡¯t believe you actually humored my drunken request.¡±


    I held him close with tears in my own. ¡°Just knowing you love me so much is enough¡­¡±


    I sat on the edge of the bed and said mischievously, ¡°although, you do still need to give me some children.¡±


    ¡°My dear, I was very worried and stressed out today because I was informed my brothers are coming for a visit with father in two months, but with you in my bedroom, I fear nothing.¡±


    Before I could ask him any questions, he kissed me and I forgot what I wanted to ask him.


    __


    In the middle of the night, I saw something very strange. There was a vanity mirror in the bedroom which glinted oddly and shone white for a second. I rubbed my eyes in a daze and stood up to examine it curiously. I put my hand on it and it went through.


    Something grabbed me and then pulled me the rest of the way through.


    I will write again later.

 Chapter 47

    Taranheim 181


    What happened next was one of the strangest and most visceral moments of my life. The person who grabbed me and pulled me through the mirror was my own mother. I was in a golden room with her on my knees and gazing upon her angelic figure as she floated in the air and sparkled ivory.


    ¡°Mother!¡± I cried with tears in my eyes. ¡°You¡¯re alive!¡±


    ¡°No, my darling. I am not alive. I am trapped in the realm of desire, and I can¡¯t move on until I help you through the trying times ahead of you. I have something to show you to help you along.¡± Mother informed me.


    I was simply overjoyed to see her. ¡°I miss you, Mother!¡±


    I tried to reach her in the air, but she floated away from me. I pushed myself as fast as I could go and I tried to hop up into the air and flutter my wings in an attempt to catch her¡ªbut they did not work. She floated away all the faster and tears strung my eyes and I sniffled bitterly as the gold room faded away as did mother.


    I was now riding a horse on a green plain toward mountains that seemed to scrape the blue sky.


    I rode and rode until I suddenly felt very different. I was normally very careful and reserved on horseback, now I felt courageous. I spurred the horse forward as fast as it would go.


    I looked down at my hands. They were pink instead of ivory and hairless as well. All of my deeply ingrained self doubts were gone, my lack of confidence, and my need to be amiable. I was suddenly fearless and craving adventure of any kind. I spurred the horse to go faster and I felt unencumbered by my skirts because, indeed, I was not wearing them. I was wearing britches and a tunic.


    I headed to the mountains at top speed and pulled back on the reins just as I was about to run into them. I said to myself, ¡°yes! I get better all the time!¡±


    I gently turned the horse around and started riding toward home¡ªa little hovel in a town in the middle of nowhere--with a feeling of dread in my stomach as shadows began settling on the land.


    An unpleasant memory came to mind of what I had been doing earlier in the day. A boy got up in my face and began pushing me around¡ªcalling me the son of whore and other cruel insults¡ªhe pushed me until I finally lost it and I hit him full-force in the face and gave him a nose bleed. I wrestled him to the ground and punched him three more times in the face with black-out fury until someone hauled me off him and then I took my tan horse and rode off in fear.


    I was now riding back and couldn¡¯t remember why I was fearful until I came upon the hovel that made me feel queasy and suddenly all of my confidence melted away as I entered it and I heard a voice speak from the darkness.This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    ¡°Terry, where have you been?¡± The voice said.


    I was sweating profusely, but I had nowhere else to stay for the night. There was nowhere to run.


    ¡°I was... I was letting Mary stretch her legs.¡± I replied with a wobbly voice¡ªreferring to the horse.


    ¡°Oh, is that all? Or were you running away from me because of what you did earlier?¡± He demanded.


    Father stood up and walked toward me slowly.


    I fell to my knees and cried, ¡°forgive me, father! I just¡ªI let my anger get the best of me!¡±


    Father loomed over me and then hauled me to my feet. ¡°What will it take to get you to learn, you monster?¡±


    In the darkness he threw a punch at me that stung my right cheek. This was not the old, decrepit man I had met with Terry in the castle. This was his younger self that loomed over a smaller Terry, and his punches stung.


    ¡°Father, please, I promise¡ªI promise!¡± I held up my hands but he punched me in the neck and it knocked the air out of me. I backed away from the terrifying man as he seemed to grow bigger and bigger and loomed over me. I backed against a wall and he punched me twice more for good measure. ¡°Now you know how it feels.¡±


    I knew how it felt long before that kid I punched did, I thought to myself. You don¡¯t even need a reason to hit me anymore.


    Father left and I sank to the floor and seethed in rage. The fear I felt earlier melted into an incapacitating anger. I hated that old man. I had a vision of punching him over and over again until he was dead, and I scared myself to death when I couldn¡¯t escape that thought. I covered my eyes and wept angry tears. He was right. I was a monster.


    When I took my hands from my eyes, my hands were digging through a pile of gold in a treasury. My hands were no longer tanned and worn, but pale and refined.


    I picked up twelve gold pieces and then I approached a boy who was much shorter than myself with blonde hair. ¡°Ah, good, you brought the gold, Paris. I¡¯ll take three and you can keep the rest.¡±


    I felt very shy and withdrawn. I felt fragile and empty and I thought there was something in me that was deeply wrong; something that kept me from understanding others.


    I asked the blonde boy, ¡°can we play now, Peter?¡±


    Suddenly, Peter yelled at the top of his lungs after he pocketed the three gold pieces, ¡°father! Paris stole from the treasury!¡±


    And father appeared and seized my wrist with a strong hand around my thin wrists and dragged me to my room where he threw me inside and I screamed in fear. ¡°Please don¡¯t lock me in there again! Please! Peter told me he would play with me if I gave him gold from the treasury! I was just lonely¡­¡±


    He released my wrist roughly and headed for the door. I ran after him but he slammed the door in my face and locked it.


    Cold sweat ran down my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, ¡°I can¡¯t stand it in here! Please let me out, I¡¯ll be good!¡±


    I screamed to be let out for ten minutes, and then I gave up and sank against the door.


    What I felt was pure sadness. A sadness so pervasive it stuck to the sides of my stomach and seeped into my soul until I couldn¡¯t shake it and I just had to accept there was no escape from it.


    My hope of escaping that room which was my prison was floating away. I didn¡¯t know how long I would be kept in my room this time, but my hope ringed outside the door.


    Peter jingled the key. ¡°Paris, I have the keys¡­¡±


    I stood up and replied, ¡°open the door! Please open the door!¡±


    ¡°I will soon, don¡¯t worry. I¡¯ll be back and then I¡¯ll open it.¡±


    I was so hopeful that he would actually help me, but as time passed, he didn¡¯t come back and I was left alone. I sniffled and buried my head in my pillow and screamed at the top of my lungs in sadness. Not even mother would help me, and mother was supposed to love me.


    I was stuck with myself. It was the worst feeling in the world, to be stuck with yourself when you hated yourself so much. This was not even a hatred perpetuated from my family. It just seemed to exist naturally.

 Chapter 48

    When I lifted my head from the pillow, I came face-to-face with a young, emaciated girl with blonde hair. My stomach growled at me aggressively and I had never felt such visceral pain in my stomach in my life. I was in such severe pain, but I managed to smile at the young girl and hand out a strawberry to her. ¡°Take mine, too.¡±


    ¡°But Caerwyn, I can see your ribs¡­¡± The girl protested.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about me, Hannah. I¡¯ll be fine.¡± I replied cheerfully. ¡°I¡¯m not hungry at all.¡±


    Hannah reluctantly took the strawberry from me. ¡°Caerwyn¡­ Where do you think mom and dad are now?¡±


    At the mention of their names, I shivered. Mother had taken apart of my identity from me¡ªsomething I could never get back, and made into something neither female nor male. I always felt confused. What an awful feeling it was, never to know who you are. If I had stayed, mother would have continued to raise me as a girl, and I couldn¡¯t stand being one.


    But Hannah was young and missed them often. I never wanted her to come with me, but she loved me more than our parents and came with me to live on the streets in a city of a different kingdom. Hannah was never in any danger from our parents in the way I was; they subscribed to a strange and foreign human religion that worshipped women and repulsed men. They wanted only daughters, and sons were artificially made to be female-like unless they were assigned to be a mate to a female.


    Hannah suddenly held out a star in the shape of a sapphire to me. ¡°I swiped it off of that monstrous rich woman who kept calling us rats.¡±


    I sighed. ¡°Hannah, I don¡¯t want you to steal¡­ I¡¯m sorry I lost my job as a farmhand, but I promise I¡¯ll find another so you don¡¯t have to steal.¡±


    Hannah shook her head. ¡°Caerwyn, that man was working you to the bone and not giving you enough to eat. It¡¯s no wonder you collapsed from exhaustion.¡±


    A moment passed between us, and I realized just how horrible I felt about letting my beloved sister come with me to live in uncertainty. She was my everything, and if I lost her, I would lose everything.


    I looked at her in silence for a moment and realized I loved her more than myself. I would die to keep her alive. ¡°Hannah, I¡¯m sending you back to our parents. I¡¯ll just¡­ I hear there¡¯s a place for men like me in the priesthood. A place where I can learn swordplay and I¡¯ll be well taken care of, although I can never marry.¡±


    Tears sprang to Hannah¡¯s eyes and she cried, ¡°what? I¡¯ll never go back to those awful people¡ªnot after what they did to you. Do you think I could ever live peacefully in a place where every male child is treated as you were?¡±


    ¡°They love you Hannah; I know you love them, too. You¡¯ll be safe with them, you can live a good life with them. Women have a lot more opportunities in their kingdom, too. You can be anything you want to be.¡± I told her with tears in my own eyes.


    She threw her arms around me tightly and told me, ¡°I¡¯ll never leave you! Never!¡±


    ¡°Hannah, you¡¯re going to die out here if you don¡¯t listen to me. I¡¯ll take you home, and then you¡¯ll forget about me. That¡¯s the way it should be.¡± I told her adamantly.


    ¡°How could you say that?¡± She sniffled. ¡°I¡¯ll never forget you.¡±


    I grabbed her by the arm and started hauling her toward our old home to the west, but she would not be moved. I said furiously, ¡°can you not see you will die out here if you don¡¯t go back! Can you not see that I would be better off without you if you went back? You aren¡¯t allowed in the priesthood, and I can¡¯t be received by them with you in tow. They made that abundantly clear.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d rather die out here on the streets with you than go home!¡± She wept.


    And she did die.


    She died out on the road with me as I attempted to take her back home. It didn¡¯t matter that I gave her almost all my food and water, she still died before me, and she died right in my arms as we huddled for warmth in the winter season on the roadside.


    With a hideous sob, I awakened to her lifeless body and I begged of her, ¡°please wake up¡­ Please wake up.¡±This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    I kissed her forehead and she still didn¡¯t wake up. I held her close and wouldn¡¯t move for minutes as I simply couldn¡¯t stop weeping and sadness enveloped me like a blanket.


    I held her for minutes with my eyes closed, and when I opened them, I was weeping in Mother¡¯s embrace.


    I asked her with a lump in my throat, ¡°why would you show me such awful moments from their lives?¡±


    ¡°So that you may understand them at all times. In that lies the key to taking the birds out of their heads. Save Caerwyn¡¯s, he has no bird in his head, but he needs something else from you.¡± Mother explained lovingly as she held me close.


    ¡°But how do you know all this, Mother?¡± I asked her. ¡°Can I rescue from the realm of desire?¡±


    ¡°I know all this because I am always watching you from the realm of desire and I will until your dream is complete, my darling. You must worry for yourself, and stop thinking about me.¡± She gave me a kiss on the forehead and then, while sniffing horribly from the intense memories I had lived through, I began walking toward a light in the distance until everything went white and I phased back through the mirror in my quarters and collapsed to the ground in tears of what I just experienced.


    Paris awoke at the noise I made and dashed to my side. ¡°What happened? Are you okay?¡±


    I looked at him sincerely and all I could think of was that self-loathing little boy weeping alone in his quarters and thinking he deserved it. I could now imagine precisely what it was like to be him. I couldn¡¯t imagine hating myself as much as he did himself. I drew him close and tucked my head in his chest. ¡°I love you. I love you. Even if you don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong, Mimi? What are you talking about?¡± Paris asked confusedly. He examined my face worriedly and then hauled me to my feet. ¡°There, there. You must have had a nightmare. Come to bed.¡±


    I let him pick me up and carry me to the bed where he tucked me in. He sighed. ¡°You worry me so much sometimes¡­ It seems like you¡¯re always in trouble.¡±


    ¡°Paris, tell me how it felt to be locked in your quarters.¡± I begged him. ¡°I can help you. Let me convince you to love yourself the way you love me.¡±


    He raised an eyebrow confusedly. He crouched at the bedside and held my hands. ¡°There are no words to describe hours of upon hours of isolation. And I¡¯ll never love myself the way I love you. My feelings¡ªmy life¡ªthey¡¯re expendable in favor of yours.¡±


    That sentence horrified me more than any he had previously uttered. ¡°You¡¯re not expendable! I¡¯m sick of men all-too-heartily willing to lay their lives down for me! Your life is just as meaningful as mine!¡±


    I held his face in my hands and tried to coax the bird out in his head like I had with Morgan.


    I understand you. I know that sickening self-hatred that clings to your insides and makes you so miserable. That inborn self-hatred born of your own making but exacerbated by a cruel family. Let me ease it¡­


    I thought to myself as I gently stroked his cheeks. For a moment, his eyes turned black, and the blackness seemed to be expanding from his eyes¡ªalmost escaping them¡ªhis expression was lucid and his consciousness seemed elsewhere.


    But then he placed a hand on top of mine. ¡°My life is meaningless in comparison to yours. You make this world so much brighter than I do.¡±


    And he crawled into bed next to me and went back to sleep.


    I sniffled to myself. I was unable to coax the bird out. Perhaps I still did not understand him perfectly.


    I went to sleep, then, and had terrible nightmares.


    __


    In the morning, as I bathed and Paris scrubbed my back, I asked him what I wanted to ask him the other night, ¡°Paris, how can your family even arrive in two month¡¯s time? Doesn¡¯t it at least take four months to travel here?¡±


    ¡°It does, but they have a moth that can warp them.¡± He explained. ¡°It¡¯s a very powerful one that they have to keep under close guard, of course. Father said it would be a quick visit.¡±


    ¡°I see¡­¡± I replied. I didn¡¯t even know that a moth could have such magic.


    ¡°You look so sad again. You know I can¡¯t stand it when your antennae get all droopy.¡± He said, giving me a shining smile.


    I returned it and then I looked sullenly into the bath water. ¡°I won¡¯t be happy until you love yourself as much as I do.¡±


    Paris said nothing. He just frowned deeply. He couldn¡¯t even lie and tell me what I wanted to hear. He would not utter a word of praise about himself, and it made me so sad.


    After a moment I asked him, ¡°Paris, do you mind if I learn to be a physician?¡±


    ¡°Why should you want to do that? There are no wars at the moment, and even if there were, I would never put you in harm¡¯s way.¡± Paris replied earnestly.


    ¡°Well¡­ What if someone gets hurt protecting me and I can do nothing to help them? Please let me learn.¡± I begged him.


    He sighed. ¡°I can¡¯t say no to you when you make that face. Very well, I¡¯ll get the physician to teach you.¡±


    __


    Paris held court later, and I joined him wearing a fine red dress. I reminded him to stand up straight and smile, and he confidently went to speak with the men of his court.


    I asked the ladies if they knew anything about Paul.


    ¡°Oh, the tall, old fellow? Word has it that his wife drowned his two children. It¡¯s just speculation, though.¡± A woman informed me.


    Good lord¡­ Why were people so awful? If that were true, I couldn¡¯t imagine the pain he must be in.


    I asked a few more women some more questions about him. ¡°Do you know if he has any interests?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s a knight; don¡¯t they just like fighting?¡± A woman replied with a giggle.


    I sighed. There was certainly more to him than that.


    I looked over at Paris who was having a good time, and I was too, until Paris chuckled when the man he was talking with accidentally spilled wine all over Gerta. He must have not even recognized or remembered she was my sister because other moths were so invisible to him.


    I looked down. I couldn¡¯t stand to see the man I loved abuse my sister like this.


    But I just had to wait. I had to wait until he loved me so much he would grant anything I asked of him. I was at least halfway to that point. Perhaps in another year I could ask him.


    I will write again later.

 Chapter 49

    Taranheim 181


    I had my first lesson with the physician today, my diary. It is a wonderful thing, when I think about it, that I have grown enough to have other interests other than being a wife and mother. Both of those things are wonderful pursuits, but it is good to have goals that are all my own¡ªespecially while I wait to become pregnant.


    The physician, whose name was Lara, was a little bit of a nervous woman. We had that in common. She taught me what some basic herbs for treating wounds were, and she taught me how to bind wounds properly and what salves to use on them. She also showed me some concoctions for headaches and other minor irritants. She had me repeat after her exactly what kind of salves go on what wounds. I got some right and some wrong.


    ¡°You know,¡± Lara said nervously as she demonstrated how to staunch a wound by wrapping gauze around my arm. ¡°I don¡¯t envy you. You seem so sweet and you¡¯re married to that terrifying man. I hope he doesn¡¯t¡­ I hope he is kind to you.¡±


    I frowned deeply¡ªagain being reminded of how disliked he was among many people. I smiled at her and said, ¡°he is actually very sweet¡­ Don¡¯t you think he¡¯s doing well as a king?¡±


    Lara glanced at me nervously, hoping I wouldn¡¯t tell the king what she said. She replied, ¡°I think he is doing well largely thanks to you¡­ If it weren¡¯t for you, who knows where Nui would be. I moved here to get a fresh start, you know? So I was willing to take a chance and move here even though I¡¯m not fond of Paris. My husband left me and I thought it would be better to live anywhere than near a man I used to love. I couldn¡¯t really¡­ I couldn¡¯t give him any children, you see¡­¡±


    Lara sweated nervously. I looked at her empathetically. ¡°That¡¯s so sad¡­ Children are everything to moth women.¡±


    Lara nodded. ¡°They¡¯re everything to human women as well¡­¡±This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    __


    ¡°Terry,¡± I said to him later in the day when he wasn¡¯t busy. ¡°Can I borrow you for a moment?¡±


    ¡°Certainly,¡± he answered and followed me out to the garden. We sat together on a bench between two lush bushes as a fountain bubbled nearby. I let him enjoy the peace and quiet for a moment before I asked him, ¡°Terry¡­ I know you fear yourself. I know you fear you¡¯ll hurt other people.¡±


    Terry, who was wondering what all this was about and looking immensely bored as he had been looking for the past few weeks. Being a guard and a soldier was boring when there were no threats of wars or battles. He raised a curious eyebrow.


    ¡°What are you talking about?¡± He asked. ¡°I mean¡ªof course that¡¯s a fear of mine¡­ But why are you bringing that up?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not just a fear. It¡¯s your greatest fear. You actually¡­ You actually believe that drivel that there¡¯s a demon inside you. I¡¯m here to tell you it¡¯s not true. When I look at you, I see a normal, happy, young man. You¡¯re just a little overly energetic. There¡¯s nothing wrong with you.¡±


    Terry was confused, but he looked soothed. I reached out and put a nervous hand on his cheek. I knew precisely who he was.


    He was so simple and easy to understand, which was what I loved about him. He was like me in that way; we were two of a kind. We were childish and innocent, and trying to understand hardened adults was hard when you were a child.


    I couldn¡¯t understand Paris entirely. I couldn¡¯t grasp why he should hate himself so profusely. I didn¡¯t grasp why he did many of the things he did, including drinking to the point where he was no longer himself.


    But Terry was like a sibling, and siblings were so much like yourself that you could never misunderstand them. Even Gerta was fairly easy to understand.


    Siblings were life companions in the way that a wife or husband could never be; wives and husbands can leave one another, but even if siblings fight, even if they hate one another, they still share the title of sibling and can never be divorced from it.


    This was what I thought as I coaxed that bird out of his head. His eyes turned black for what felt like a minute as his face went blank. Finally, a red dove flew out of his eyes and fluttered up into the air.


    Terry was silent for a moment¡ªlooking at me in awe.


    Terry exclaimed, ¡°you did it, didn¡¯t you! You got the bird out of my head!¡±


    I nodded cheerfully with tears in my eyes. Terry grinned broadly and threw his arms around me. ¡°You saved me!¡±

 Chapter 50

    My phantom pains were severely acting up. I couldn¡¯t ride into the city like I wanted. More than that, when I looked down at my fingers, I kept seeing them as human fingers; lastly, I couldn¡¯t get that memory of holding Hannah in my arms as she died out of my head. The very thought caused a horrible feeling of melancholy to seethe in my head.


    Instead of riding, I told Paul and Terry, ¡°let¡¯s just walk there. It¡¯s a lovely day.¡±


    It truly was. It was just the right temperature; neither hot nor cold, with a gentle breeze in the air. As we walked I asked Paul casually, ¡°why do you like lilies so much?¡±


    Paul was quiet as we walked away from the front of the castle and headed down the cobblestone path to the city. He answered with a smile, ¡°because my daughter loved them.¡±


    I asked him lightly, ¡°is she kind?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s dead.¡± He replied flatly with a frown.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­¡± I answered sincerely.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be; I like when people ask about her. It keeps her memory alive. She and my son both died from the same disease.¡± Paul explained. ¡°Physicians didn¡¯t know what it was.¡±


    Ah, so the rumors at court about his wife drowning his children were just that; rumors. That made me a little happier.


    I thought very deeply about how to make Paul loyal to me¡ªhow to make him a friend. If I could just amp up my innocence, and be more like a daughter figure¡­ Perhaps it could work.


    I clapped my hands together excitedly and said to Paul and Terry, ¡°let¡¯s make today about Paul! What would you like to do!¡±


    ¡°Oh no, My Lady. I m perfectly content doing what you like to do. Why should you ever want to spend a day trying to make me happy?¡± Paul asked sincerely.


    ¡°Because I want to be friends with you, of course! If you¡¯re to be my guard, I want you to like me!¡± I said cheerfully. ¡°What do you think of me, Paul? Am I doing a poor job as queen? Am I too noticeably a moth?¡±


    Paul shook his head. ¡°No, My Lady. Paris loves you, and if he loves you, I do too. Paris is the closest thing I have left to a son, and the only thing he talks about other than business related to the kingdom is you. I thought he would never shut up about how much he liked your fur the other day. Before you came, he was such a sad man. You wouldn¡¯t believe some of the things he told me. He purposefully shut himself away from others, and I couldn¡¯t stand it because I knew how kind-hearted he really was. I know that any woman who could drag such happiness out of such a miserable man must be doing a good job as queen. And I never minded moths so much to begin with, so of course I don¡¯t care that you¡¯re one.¡±


    I squealed cheerfully. ¡°You really think so? Then I must return such a kind compliment by spending the day on you as planned! Tell me what it is you want!¡±


    Terry was listening to me intently. He knew my game, of course. He knew I was trying to befriend him so he would eventually let me speak to the moth slaves.


    Paul looked very thoughtful. ¡°I don¡¯t know, My Lady. I haven¡¯t thought about anything I wanted to do since my children died. I do miss playing hide and seek with them, but¡­¡±


    ¡°Hide and seek!¡± I interrupted elatedly. ¡°I love hide and seek! Me and Terry will hide and you can come and try to find us in the city!¡±This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡°That¡¯s much too dangerous, My Lady. If we separate someone could attack you!¡± Paul said with a sigh. ¡°Please, let¡¯s just do what you want to do, although I appreciate your thinking of me.¡±


    My thoughts were in a whirl; what would be the thing to win his loyalty? What would make me most like a daughter figure to him?


    What was the thing that made Daddy love me most? It was my sweetness and innocence which everyone liked to comment on, but there was something else, too.


    Protectiveness. Daddy was very protective of his family.


    ¡°Come on, Terry! Let¡¯s run on ahead and hide!¡± I called to him and winked as I dashed ahead of the both of them.


    ¡°My Lady, it¡¯s dangerous!¡± Paul called as I made my legs go as fast as they could muster. Phantom pain made my vision bleary, but I managed to hold up.


    Terry didn¡¯t know what I was planning, but he obeyed and dashed ahead with me. Paul went as fast as he could¡ªwhich was fast¡ªhe was gaining on us quickly, but not quickly enough.


    Luckily, since we had gotten a head start, we were out of his reach in no time and were entering the city where we merged with a crowd and Paul lost track of us.


    __


    Terry and I hid in an alleyway in the city and I was panting profusely while he hadn¡¯t broken a sweat.


    Terry chuckled. ¡°You¡¯re so out of shape for one so thin!¡±


    I made a face. ¡°Quiet!¡±


    ¡°So, what¡¯s your plan here?¡± Terry asked, leaning against the wall. ¡°How is this going to convince him to want to join you in setting moths free?¡±


    ¡°Because I will be his surrogate daughter who he always wants to protect, especially since I¡¯m married to his surrogate son.¡± I explained. ¡°If he thinks I¡¯m in grave danger, I think that will bring out his fatherly, protective side and he will begin to view me as his daughter! And you can be another surrogate son to him! We should split up to make it as authentic as possible!¡±


    Terry looked very annoyed. ¡°I¡¯ve had enough of fathers, but I see what you mean¡­ I would be worried to leave you alone as well, truth be told, however. Someone could seriously want to hurt you in this city.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve got a sword, you can trust me! In order for this to work, all the pieces have to be in place!¡± I told him plainly.


    Terry looked deadly worried, but he managed to nod slowly. ¡°If you run into trouble, yell as loudly as you can.¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± I said and we went our separate ways when we left the alleyway.


    I looked around in the city square for a good place to hide. It couldn¡¯t be too good, of course, I didn¡¯t want to worry Paul that much.


    Many of the humans milling about the square glanced at me and wondered what I was doing out by myself. I thought they might find it charming if I told them. ¡°I¡¯m playing hide and seek with my guard! Nobody tell him where I¡¯m hiding!¡±


    Many of them laughed and nodded as I ran past them and then found a rather nice tree to climb and hide in that was planted just outside the city square.


    It was very comfortable in that tree. I thought it was a nice enough tree to live in, in fact. It reminded me of home.


    I looked down and saw Paul asking some of the residents of Nui where I was hiding, and they shrugged with clueless faces. I giggled and remembered just how fun hide and seek could be.


    I saw Paul looking thoroughly around the square before he began heading my way.


    I wanted to jump on his shoulders and scare him.


    I was ready to jump just as Paul passed underneath me. As I did so, Paul and I both heard Terry scream in the distance. Paul had jumped in surprise when I landed on his shoulder, but he easily and gently lifted me off of them and examined me worriedly. ¡°My Lady, you nearly gave me a heart attack! You could have been hurt!¡±


    ¡°We have to find Terry now!¡± I said and dashed off in the direction we had heard the scream coming from. It had certainly come from our left. We saw a furless, silken green moth disappearing around the corner of a row of businesses. She was very tall, especially for a female moth, and was forcibly floating him through the air with her magic.


    Paul told me to stay put, but I ignored him and followed after him as the silken moth girl dashed to the west and out of the city. Paul stopped at the edge of the city and said to me, ¡°I need you to go back and tell Paris we need a few more guards. I¡¯ll keep chasing her.¡±


    I made a face. ¡°I can help! Come on! We¡¯re losing her!¡±


    I continued running and Paul had no choice but to chase after me, yelling at me to slow down. We were out of the city now and running through the long grass surrounding Nui, following the moth woman who we were closing the gap on.


    We chased the woman until it felt like we were miles away from Nui and finally, she was close enough for the surprisingly fit¡ªalbeit old¡ªPaul to grab. He grabbed her hood and pulled her back. ¡°You¡¯ll be thrown in the dungeon for this!¡±


    Suddenly, other moths popped out of the long grass with arrows trained on me and Paul.


    I fearfully clung to Paul as the green moth woman smirked.


    I will write again later.

 Chapter 51

    Taranheim 181


    I was terrified. I would not be of use in this fight, and I highly doubted Paul could fight all these moths, especially with a powerful mage moth among them. Terry was unconscious and floating in the air by the woman¡¯s magic. He looked unharmed, thankfully, but I didn¡¯t know if we could rescue him safely.


    The green moth woman we had been chasing was an older moth. Her wrinkles told me she was at least fifty-years-old. She seemed to be the leader of these moths who had their bows trained on us, and she confidently faced us down.


    ¡°The boy is ours. I have heard of you, Mimi. I know you were captured for eight years and then forced to marry a human. I have nothing against you, you are nothing but a c-c-c-child in a bad situation. If you leave now, you will not be harmed.¡± The old woman stated plainly.


    ¡°What promises can you give us that you won¡¯t harm her?¡± Paul answered for me.


    I cleared my throat and spoke for myself, ¡°wait! Why do you want Terry? Who are you?¡±


    ¡°Get out of here, girl, or I w-w-w-will harm you.¡± She stuttered with some kind of an unfamiliar moth accent. ¡°Listen, I will tell my people to lower their weapons for just a few seconds, and if you back away, I will let you escape with your l-l-l-lives.¡±


    Paul interrupted me as I was about to protest, ¡°very well. Just control your people.¡±


    I said loudly, ¡°I won¡¯t leave until you at least tell me who you are and why you are taking Terry!¡±


    The green moth narrowed her oval eyes and sighed. ¡°Do you promise you will leave after I tell you?¡±


    ¡°I do,¡± I didn¡¯t know whether I would or not, but I had to tell her what she wanted to hear.


    The old moth woman took a long moment before she shrugged and figured there was no harm in telling me.


    ¡°I shall tell you, little moth who behaves like a human. My name is Meridi, and I am an escaped moth s-s-s-slave who hailed from Gracet. In Gracet, our patron g-g-god, Hypthos, came to me in a dream last, made me his prophetess, and told me the goddess of fate had chosen a Catalydd. He revealed to me in the dream exactly when and where the Catalydd would be today, and I made sure to capture him. We are taking this boy with us so the moths who are f-f-f-favored by the sun god will end up winning the coming war. This boy has the power to grant us a victory, according to Hypthos.¡± Meridi answered as sincerely as she could muster.


    ¡°You know what you want to know,¡± Paul said to me--not caring or comprehending anything of what Meridi had just said. ¡°Let¡¯s leave, My Queen.¡±


    I was angry at these wretched moth gods. These creatures who had long ago convinced me I had a black soul and deserved to rot in a cage for eight years because I wasn¡¯t passionate enough. Now Amser, the goddess of fate, was interfering in Terry¡¯s life and making him into something without his consent.


    ¡°I thought moths were better than this. Terry has no special powers¡ªhe is not a ¡®Catalydd¡¯, he is a normal, human boy. Just let him go. You moths are despicable, hiding out here and only caring for yourselves when you should be helping to free other mo--!¡± Meridi commanded one of her men to loose an arrow and Paul acted quickly enough to shield me with his own body as he pushed me to the ground. I stared upwards and breathed heavily. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest.


    ¡°How dare you a-a-a-accuse me of not caring about our people.¡± The green moth said angrily. ¡°You have no right to accuse me of not caring about our people when you live in a fine castle with fine clothes and jewelry while our own people serve you. The boy does have special power. I was shown them in a dream. I will show you them now! Kill them both!¡±


    Paul stood up and hauled me to my feet while facing his back to the moths and tried to get me out of the dangerous situation unscathed.This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    My mind was blank with fear¡ªbut I was worried that Paul would die protecting me. ¡°Wait, wait! You can have me, just let Paul go!¡±


    Just then, twelve arrows were fired and Paul was shot by all of them.


    I sobbed in a panic and felt warm blood running down my back. Paul was quickly dying, and he was now leaning on me for support. Despite all that, he managed to draw his blade bravely and pushed me back toward the city.


    He faced our attackers by himself and said to me, ¡°it was an honor to serve you, My Queen.¡±


    But I ignored him. I had brought a pouch with me that contained salves for wounds that the physician had taught me how to make. I stepped in front of Paul and, with trembling hands, took out an ointment, and, just as I tried to apply it, pain unexpectedly shot through my shoulder.


    An arrow had pierced it and I fell forward. Paul caught me, and in that moment, he truly did remind me of Daddy. Daddy had strong arms; the real Daddy--the one without a bird in his head--would have taken a dozen arrows for me, too. It wouldn¡¯t be so bad to die in his arms.


    I turned to Meridi as my mind began to feel hazy and told her, ¡°I was working hard to free the moth slaves while simultaneously trying to make humans see us as more than beasts. You¡¯re proving their point by¡­ By killing one of your own.¡±


    Meridi looked surprised for a moment¡ªlike I had gotten through to her¡ªand she snapped her fingers--letting Terry free from the magic she had been encasing him with.


    He awoke when he hit the ground and Meridi said to him, ¡°heal them.¡±


    Terry scratched his head. I was fading fast, but I saw his look of utter confusion plainly. When he saw me and Paul dying, he gasped in horror. ¡°I can¡¯t heal them! I have no magic!¡±


    ¡°You have a fate, boy. You are the most powerful creature on this earth right now. Go heal them, or they will die.¡± The woman demanded as I tried to rub ointment on one of Paul¡¯s wounds. ¡°The man will die first. You better go to him first.¡±


    Terry was panicked and had no choice but to try. He ran to Paul first, and, with trembling hands and worried tears in his blue eyes, pressed his palms to one of Paul¡¯s many arrow wounds. Nothing happened. Terry cursed, ¡°you monster! My friends are dying! I am not a moth; I have no magic!¡±


    ¡°Amser has triggered your potential. You have the p-p-p-power to save them.¡± Meridi insisted. ¡°They will die if you don¡¯t accept the fact that you are the Catalydd, blessed with power from the moth gods.¡±


    Terry growled with angry tears.


    I touched his shoulder with bleary eyes. ¡°Your power doesn¡¯t come from moth gods, it comes from the undying passion buried in your soul¡­ The moth gods could never have that kind of power or passion. They can only trigger it.¡±


    Terry sobbed in a panic--but listening to my words seemed to calm him. He sniffled and wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. He took a deep breath and placed his hands on Paul¡¯s wounds again.


    Miraculously, golden magic seeped out of his fingers and enclosed Paul¡¯s body in golden magic just as the kind old man seemed to be losing consciousness for the final time. Terry laughed with relief as Paul¡¯s wounds closed up and the arrows were pushed out of his skin. Light came back to the old soldier¡¯s brown eyes which had previously been quickly fading.


    Terry wiped his own eyes and then turned to me and healed my shoulder. I looked at my friend with pride and admiration. ¡°How special you are, Terry! And you thought your aggressiveness and passion was a monstrous thing! There was an angel buried inside you all this time, not a monster!¡±


    Terry laughed a little again in response and nodded.


    Once Terry had healed me, I turned to Meridi and stepped toward her fearlessly. The silken moth was grinning happily. She explained, ¡°the boy can heal any wound. Whoever gets him gets the world.¡±


    I replied, ¡°why can¡¯t we join forces? You could be a great help to me.¡±


    ¡°My Lady¡­?¡± Paul said in surprise, thinking I was a traitor.


    ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m sorry Paul. You have to understand that I can¡¯t stand to see my people enslaved. I wish to free them without hurting humans. Surely if you could put yourself in my shoes¡­ If you could imagine being enslaved by moths, you would understand.¡±


    Paul''s mouth moved, but no words came out. He was stunned at the idea that I might be a traitor.


    To Meridi, I asked, ¡°don¡¯t you wish to help me free our people, Meridi? I have a plan to free them in Nui with no casualties. Perhaps if we free them there, the rest of the world will follow!¡± I told her honestly.


    Meridi gazed upon me thoughtfully. ¡°They clipped my wings and you expect me to think that they can change? Of course I would l-l-l-like¡­ I would like peace in the world, but there never will be because moths and humans are just too different. This is why we must ensure the victory of moths over humans.¡±


    The old moth woman took a deep breath before saying.


    ¡°Come now, little queen. You can come with us rather than being the slave to a human man. The sun god is on our side and is ready to engage against the other gods in on our behalf. The lustful god has already picked the human side, and the other gods are still deciding, we should strike against the humans now before more gods pick sides. You are welcome among us¡ªthe free moth people--little queen. I know this situation was not of your choosing. We can wrest Nui from the humans¡¯ grasp and you can see it restored. You can keep your human husband if it pleases you, but you would ultimately rule. It¡¯d be nice to have a woman in charge for a change.¡±

 Chapter 52

    Temptation was before me as it was many times before. It would be a quick and cathartic thing to battle the humans for Nui and bring it back under moth control. It would be amazing to have all the power for once in my life and to bring Paris under my subjugation.


    But¡­ That was not who I was.


    I loved Paris, and he had been very sweet and loving toward me despite the fact that he obviously was raised to treat moths as nothing more than property. And humans weren¡¯t the irredeemable creatures Daddy had always made them out to be. I loved so many of them.


    More importantly, I truly did want to free the moth slaves while still being on good terms with humans. The best way to do that was to stay with Paris and show both moths and humans that they could love one another if they tried.


    ¡°I can¡¯t do that¡­ And I can¡¯t just let you have Terry either.¡± I replied fearlessly. ¡°You¡¯ll have to kill me.¡±


    Terry interjected, ¡°I have my own agency, I will not go with you willingly. I don¡¯t want these cursed powers your gods have bestowed upon me. Fight me one-on-one, and let it be decided that way.¡±


    Meridi looked intrigued by such a challenge. She looked at the three of us in turn and locked eyes with me after a moment. ¡°Tell you what, little queen, I will fight you one-on-one. If you win, I¡¯ll join forces with you like you wanted and I¡¯ll help you in accomplishing your wishes. If I win, I get Terry and I¡¯ll give the order to kill you all.¡±


    ¡°Absolutely not!¡± Paul growled, exasperated by how out-of-hand the situation had gotten. ¡°The queen can barely fight, and she is the most important person here!¡±


    ¡°Wrong. Terry is. He has the power to change the world.¡± Meridi said plainly. ¡°Are you willing to fight for that power?¡±


    She was addressing me, and I replied, ¡°no. But I¡¯m willing to fight for the safety of a friend.¡±


    I unsheathed my sword and Meridi did as well.


    Terry grabbed my wrists and tried to wrest the sword from my hands. ¡°You fool! Let me fight her! I could defeat her easily!¡±


    Meridi waved her hand upward and floated Terry into the air again. She put him behind her and in reach of her people. ¡°It will be a fair match; I will not use my magic, and we will just fight sword-to-sword.¡±


    Truth be told, I was horrified that I had agreed to this. There was no way I could win. I was not strong, I had no magic, and I had a weak constitution when it came to fighting. The only thing I was talented at was loving others and at times using clever words to manipulate them. I readied my sword, but I heard a yell.


    Paul intervened fearlessly and dashed at the woman. He aggressively slammed his sword against hers six times and knocked it out of her hands easily. On his seventh swing, she used her magic to blast him backwards and then she tsked. ¡°Keep your men in line, little queen, or you will all end up dead.¡±


    I turned to Paul and Terry and said, ¡°I order you not to interfere.¡±


    I turned back to Meridi and then readied my blade with trembling hands, trying to remember all the stance Terry had taught me.


    ¡°Ready?¡± Meridi asked.


    I nodded.


    She charged me with a yell, and, just as she was about to swing, I tossed my sword aside and fell to my knees.


    I did what Caerwyn did to get me to trust him so long ago.


    ¡°Kill me if you must. Your sword will just keep leading to more and more deaths. All I want is peace, if you want peace, you¡¯ll put your sword down and help me.¡± I stared her down fearlessly. ¡°You can trust me. I will do my utmost to free our people without hurting the humans.¡±


    Meridi¡¯s hands trembled as she gripped her blade. There was a tense moment as she met my fearless eyes. ¡°Y-y-y-you¡¯re a fool if you expect people to be as decent as you are!¡±Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    She swung her blade and Paul yelled in dismay as I close my eyes.


    Cold steel gently touched my neck as Meridi stopped her sword swing just before it met it. She took a deep breath, her hands still trembling.


    A long moment passed as she debated what she wanted to do. Her hands tensed a few more times, but she did nothing.


    She gasped in resignation and lifted me up by the shoulders. She stared me in the eyes. After a moment, she grinned. ¡°You are fearless, little queen!¡±


    She knelt to me and planted her sword in the ground, bowing her head. ¡°I will help you in your goals. But know that if the humans turn on the moths, I will take the boy and do what is necessary to preserve moths. But for now, you have my utter loyalty. A foolish girl like you needs as many tough guards as possible. Go ahead, knight me.¡±


    I took her sword and touched her shoulders with the flat end with nervous hands. ¡°I dub thee¡­ One of my knights.¡±


    Meridi stood up cheerfully. ¡°You need more confidence for one so persuasive! And we should have a name if we¡¯re all to be your secret guard and be loyal to you!¡±


    I realized she was right. I held my chin high and stood up straight, remembering mother¡¯s words. I turned to everyone in tow, including Paul, Terry, and Meridi¡¯s twelve moth soldiers holding their bows lax. ¡°What name would you all like? That is¡­ Depending on Paul. Paul, if you wish to tell Paris, I won¡¯t stop you. But, if you choose to be loyal to me, it can only mean good things for moths and humans.¡±


    Paul looked at me intently with a frown.


    After a moment, he gave me a soft smile. ¡°My Lady, I am quite fond of you, but¡­ This all feels like a betrayal of Paris¡¯ trust. He is paranoid to begin with, if he ever found out about this, it would destroy him. He loves you very much, and you are the only moth¡ªthe only person--he is fond of.¡±


    ¡°I know it seems like a betrayal¡­ But he never has to know. Change will happen so subtly, he won¡¯t even realize it! Moths and humans will begin to like one another, and before he and all the other people of Nui realize it, they¡¯ll begin to see moths as people rather than slaves and beasts and they¡¯ll want to set them free! I love Paris, too, I¡¯d never hurt him. I promise.¡± I informed Paul sincerely. ¡°I need you on board, Paul. I need to see all the moth slaves of the city to tell them of my plans. I can only do that if you¡¯re willing to help.¡±


    ¡°If not, maybe I¡¯ll just kill y-y-y-you. Little queen just showed some of the most courage I have ever seen, and I will defend her to the death.¡± Meridi said with a grin.


    Paul shot her a glare, but to me he took a long moment to think before he, too, knelt before me. ¡°I see something in you. I see the ability to draw important people to you and unify them. I have seen and been through so many wars started through the selfishness and arrogance of cruel men¡ªperhaps you can fix this rotten world.¡±


    I sighed gratefully and pretended to knight him even though he had already been knighted. ¡°I dub thee¡­ Also one of my knights.¡±


    Terry, who had been set free from Meridi¡¯s magic, chimed in, ¡°come on! We need a great name for ourselves!¡±


    I looked at my loyal group with tears in my eyes and then wiped them with a sniffle. ¡°I don¡¯t know, what do you all think?¡±


    Paul said, ¡°how about the Queen¡¯s Faithful? Nice and simple.¡±


    ¡°I like it!¡± I cried happily. ¡°I feel like¡­ I feel like with all of you on my side, I can make a difference! I don¡¯t feel so alone anymore!¡±


    I realized it was getting dark after a moment of silence. I gasped. ¡°Paris will be so mad!¡±


    ¡°You have an alibi, My Lady!¡± Paul reminded me. ¡°We¡¯ll all three of us¡ªme, Terry, and you¡ªgo to him and explain that we were having so much fun we forgot to get you to the castle on time.¡±


    I nodded worriedly. I hoped he wasn¡¯t drinking¡­


    To Meridi I asked, ¡°will you stay outside the city?¡±


    She nodded. ¡°We¡¯ll be hanging around in the long grass.¡±


    ¡°Good; I¡¯d like to talk to you tomorrow. I need any information you have on the gods, but right now I need to get back!¡± I said to her cheerfully.


    Before I left Meridi held up a hand and slid a bracelet off her wrist. ¡°I want to prove I¡¯m loyal to you, and this is the only thing I can give you that can prove it. This was my brother¡¯s bracelet, so long as you wear it, I will let no harm come to you.¡±


    __


    We lined up in front of Paris like guilty children far too late in the night for his liking¡ªeven though it was still fairly early¡ªhe had his hands clasped behind his back, and he had bleary eyes like he¡¯d been crying, but it luckily didn¡¯t look like he¡¯d been drinking.


    ¡°What do you have to say for yourselves? Why have you kept my wife up so late?¡± Paris demanded. ¡°I expected better of you, Paul.¡±


    I curtsied and grabbed one of his hands, kissing his fingers. ¡°It was my fault. I had so many shops I wanted to see and I guess I just lost track of the time¡­¡±


    He smiled at that and it looked like he mellowed out. He hefted me to my feet. ¡°You are never to blame, My Sweet. It is this rabble I let you go amongst. You two are dismissed.¡±


    Terry and Paul gratefully ran off. I watched them go with a giggle. I turned back to Paris and told him sincerely, ¡°I really am sorry for being late. You¡¯re not terribly angry, are you?¡±


    He clicked the door open to the bedroom and shook his head wearily. ¡°No¡­ I¡¯m not angry at you. I¡¯m angry at myself.¡±


    I held him at arm¡¯s length and asked, ¡°why?¡±


    ¡°I hate myself for not trusting you to always come back to me. I don¡¯t deserve you.¡± He replied miserably.


    I didn¡¯t know what to tell him. It seemed like I could tell him over and over again that I loved him¡ªthat he did deserve me¡ªbut he would never believe it. It seemed as if he were drowning and I was the only one who could help him, but he was simply to heavy for me to lift from the water.


    I must find some way to help him as I find a way to speak to the moth slaves. Until then, I must rest and I will write again later.

 Chapter 53

    Taranheim 181


    Paris had business to take care of early in the morning, and so Gerta scrubbed me down and helped me dress in the morning instead.


    I said to her excitedly, ¡°Gerta! Guess what!¡±


    She looked very tired, but she answered with a little bit of pep, ¡°what?¡±


    ¡°I met these moths outside of the city!¡± I explained to her everything that had happened-including my new alliance with Meridi--and she seemed very impressed. She looked down sadly.


    ¡°You¡¯re doing so well in pursuing this¡­ I wish there was something more I could do. I get now why Daddy favored you so much.¡± Gerta said with a sigh. ¡°You¡¯re just so good at being likable. I never could have won that woman¡¯s loyalty. I would have called her names and she would have killed me.¡±


    I giggled a little, but then frowned. ¡°You¡¯re far more likable than me! You always worked so much harder! You still do today!¡±


    Gerta smiled gently. ¡°I hate your kindness. You¡¯re so stupid and foolish¡ªlaying down your life in front of a hostile stranger and expecting her to spare you. But it actually worked!¡±


    Gerta looked forward listlessly and continued, ¡°I¡¯m just glad you¡¯re okay. Isn¡¯t there anything I can do to help? I feel so worthless¡­¡±


    I thought very deeply for a moment, and I came up with something. ¡°I need more rumors to be spread about me¡­ It has to be vague so Paris and his advisors don¡¯t catch on that I spread them, but the other moths have to understand that I am working to free them and that I care about them.¡±


    Gerta leaned her cheek on her hand and thought for a moment. ¡°I want to say I should just outright tell the other slaves that you¡¯re working to free them, but not all of them are to be trusted and the advisors have ears everywhere¡ªespecially with all the guards they have posted. How about¡­ How about I sew them all something and say it was from you¡­ Paris and his advisors know your sewing is quite¡­ Poor compared to mine, so it would disprove any rumors that you sewed them yourself if they found out about it. I¡¯ll say it¡¯s a physical representation of your loyalty to them. The question is, what should I sew them?¡±


    I was astounded at how good her idea was. I thought deeply for a moment before my attention turned to Caerwyn¡¯s star sapphire sitting aside the tub. I replied, ¡°make the ones who are fond of me small star-shaped pillows, so they know I am on their side.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a great idea! They¡¯ll probably remember the one you¡¯re always wearing and they¡¯ll understand that you¡¯re looking out for them!¡±


    There was a moment of silence between us as we smiled and I remembered everything I loved about Gerta.


    Suddenly she cleared her throat with a deep breath after a moment. ¡°Mimi, I¡¯m going to have eggs soon.¡±


    I gasped in surprise and squealed happily. ¡°Seriously? Who¡¯s the father?¡±


    She took a deep breath before replying, ¡°Morgan.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­¡± That was good and bad news. Good that she was having children, but bad that their father wasn¡¯t around. I said uncertainly, ¡°that¡¯s wonderful news! What are you going to name them?¡±You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    She looked away. ¡°I can¡¯t keep them. The humans won¡¯t let me. They only let a set amount of moth slaves inhabit their cities, and Nui is at its max. I have no idea what to do. The physician told me as much and she said once your husband and his advisors find out, they¡¯re going to step on my eggs to keep the moth population low. I beg you¡­ I know I haven¡¯t been the kindest sister, but please¡­ Ask Paris to spare them.¡±


    Tears came unbidden to her eyes and I gasped in utter horror at the fact that humans treated moth slaves so horribly. I said to Gerta, ¡°of course I¡¯ll ask him. There¡¯s no way he¡¯ll refuse me! Dry your tears, Gerta. I promise your children will survive.¡±


    She looked absolutely downtrodden and hopeless. She didn¡¯t believe me.


    __


    Every now and then, I still liked to listen in on Paris¡¯ private meetings with his advisors¡ªI could do it much more often now since Paris didn¡¯t have guards following me all the time--and they had unfortunately heard about the incident with Terry yesterday.


    ¡°Your Majesty, from what we¡¯ve heard, there was another moth in the city yesterday who ran off and was chased by your wife and her guard. From what we hear this moth she was chasing was a mage and had tried to take one of her guards captive. But one must wonder why she wouldn¡¯t tell you about it?¡± One of his advisors informed Paris.


    I glowered. They were always getting in my way!


    ¡°My King, I have implored you before to divorce this woman and marry a human wife. You cannot trust a moth. For all we know your wife arranged the capture of her own guard with this mage as her accomplice in an attempt to escape. She was seen leaving the city first, running away from your guard, Paul.¡± One of them said.


    ¡°Why do you listen to such obviously false rumors? If all that were true, she wouldn¡¯t have come back at all yesterday. More importantly, she had two guards who are loyal to me to prevent her from leaving. If she were up to something they would have told me. Quit trying to slander. Just because she is a moth doesn¡¯t mean she is a traitor. She has the same faith as we humans and she behaves as one of us¡ªthat makes her human enough for me.¡± Paris defended me a little less passionately and assuredly than usual. He sounded exhausted and weary. ¡°She is sweet¡­ She loves Nui, and she is a human through-and-through.¡±


    ¡°My King, you will not listen to reason! You are doing such a good job as king¡ªsurprisingly good! You could only do better with a proper wife who is loyal to you! And besides, there is the matter of her getting pregnant¡­ I¡¯m beginning to think it¡¯s not possible.¡± Chimed in the other advisor.


    There was a moment of silence before Paris replied darkly, ¡°leave me.¡±


    I heard the advisors walking my way and I quickly dashed off to my right before the advisors came out of the cabinet. I made sure they couldn¡¯t see me before I fought a blooming sadness in my stomach. I touched my empty womb sadly with a sniffle.


    All at once, bad memories and thoughts were overtaking me. I wanted to crawl back into bed and just hide from all my problems like I had when I first arrived at Nui. I sank to the floor against a wall around the corner of the hall where the cabinet stood and sank into a familiar misery for minutes.


    If I didn¡¯t get pregnant, it was likely Paris would divorce me. If he divorced me, I would become a slave or end up on the streets. Not only that, but if he divorced me I would no longer be in a position to help free the moths. I tucked my head in my knees and sobbed.


    ¡°My Queen.¡±


    I looked up and saw Paul standing in front of me. He noticed my tears and knelt down next to me. ¡°What¡¯s wrong, My Lady?¡±


    I looked away and dried my tears. ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡±


    Paul looked very sympathetic. ¡°You can tell me.¡±


    ¡°I¡­ What if I don¡¯t get pregnant? What will happen to me? I want children so badly, too. Ever since I was young.¡± I told him honestly. ¡°I want Paris¡¯, nobody else¡¯s! Not even another moth¡¯s!¡±


    Paul sat next to me against the wall and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. ¡°Paris loves you very much. He would never divorce you.¡±


    ¡°He will if he has those terrible advisors whispering poison in his ears every day!¡± I cried.


    Paul looked around and said, ¡°My Lady, we must go somewhere private if we are to talk of such things.¡±


    After a moment he whispered. ¡°We all know how charming you are, and you know how miserable Paris is without you. There¡¯s no reason to fret. Besides, you have a goal to accomplish. You were late and Terry and I have been waiting for you at the castle gate.¡±


    I was so happy to have help in my goals; if Paul hadn¡¯t come to find me, I likely would have given up for the day and crawled back into bed. He and Terry were so good at rescuing me from the pit of despair. I let him help me up and I stood up tall before we headed to the castle gate and we rode out to the city.

 Chapter 53

    During the day, we just explored more of the city.


    We couldn¡¯t ride to the lower city or speak to Meridi without being noticed and rumors beginning about it to notify Paris. We three¡ªTerry, Paul, and I, and possibly Meridi¡ªwould have to go out late at night and figure out a plan to gather all of the moth slaves.


    I had told Paris the night before that I wished Paul to guard our quarters at night because I liked him so much, and Paris gladly obliged. So now I could hopefully leave the castle easily at night.


    But, during the day, I continued as I had been and just tried to make friends with the humans. Many of them were mellowing out and really opening up to me. They smiled and waved to me when I rode out to the city and greeted me cheerfully.


    Paris was on my mind all day as I tried to find him a gift in the city. I was so afraid of him divorcing me¡ªmore for selfish reasons than anything else. The thought that I may never have his children was devastating to me. All I ever wanted was a family. I cared more about that than I did about the fact that I would lose any chance at freeing my people if he divorced me--which made me feel horribly guilty.


    Paris was by no means a perfect man, physically or mentally, but I had such intense emotions for him that overwhelmed me even when I should be thinking of more important things. There was a side to him¡ªthe side that loved me more than anyone and trusted me even more than his own advisors¡ªthat I was intoxicated by. The idea that only I could bring out his sweet side¡ªthat it only existed for me and that only I could change his disposition toward other people was a thought that made me incredibly proud.


    He made me feel so confident in myself. His kisses were so soft and caring and his hands were so firm and reassuring.


    And then there was his scary side which I feared to no end¡ªthe side he displayed while he was drinking¡ªthe dangerous side that made me want to run away from him and Nui and my duties. Those same hands could become cruel and violent, and those same lips could become unwanted and gruff. But there was even something tantalizing about that side of him to me.


    It was such a mean and perverse thought to love the fact that he was a miserable drunk without me¡ªa dangerous thought¡ªbut I couldn¡¯t stop finding it endlessly flattering. I couldn¡¯t stop loving that, for once in my life, I had some sort of power over someone. And it wasn¡¯t just any someone, it was a powerful king who ruled over others.


    __


    My attempts to find Paris something in the city were fruitless, but at least I made a few more human friends.


    I waited up for Paris in our bedroom and he looked exhausted as he did many times at the end of the day. He was normally a withdrawn man who kept to himself; it was no wonder he found all of these social interactions so trying. How wonderful he was, to push himself and make himself into something he normally wasn¡¯t! It was just another reason to love him.


    When Paris saw me, sitting cross-legged on our bed and knitting, he cheered up a little. I put aside my knitwork and I wanted to do anything to make him stay married to me.


    I settled with rushing over to him and leaping into his arms cheerfully. He was caught by surprise, but gently stroked the back of my head as if he might break me in his usual fashion.


    ¡°You seem happy today.¡± He commented.


    I wasn¡¯t really, but I replied to make him happy, ¡°I am, I am!¡±


    He held me at arm¡¯s length with glassy eyes and I frowned intently¡ªwondering if he was going to tell me he needed to divorce me right there and then. He turned away from me suddenly and asked, ¡°what did you do today?¡±


    Playfully, I pulled him close and reached my arms around to his front to begin undressing him. ¡°I searched for something for you but couldn¡¯t find anything noble enough to suit you! Someone so dignified is so hard to shop for!¡±


    We delighted in each other¡¯s touch almost obsessively when we were alone. I remembered many nights ago when Paris had been feeling particularly stressed out that he leaned against a wall in our bedroom and I wrapped my four arms around him from behind.


    I was enthralled by running my hands along his body and thought no man in the world could be so visually enticing but him¡ªeven though I knew, in reality, that he wasn¡¯t that enticing at all.


    Similarly, earlier on in our relationship, he could spend minutes upon minutes lying on my chest in silence. There was nothing that brought him more comfort. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    There was nothing I enjoyed more than being alone with him.


    Paris leaned into me with a sigh, beginning to relax as I fumbled with getting his tunic off. Before I could, he turned around suddenly while holding something in his hand.


    It was a glass rose. ¡°I was in the city today and I wanted to find something for you. I saw this, and well¡­ It¡¯s so pretty and delicate, just like you.¡±


    I tearfully chuckled and wiped my eyes. To think I had been so worried.


    I embraced him and told him earnestly. ¡°I love it!¡±


    I decided not to bring up Gerta''s eggs just yet. I just wanted to spend the night without stress in Paris'' arms.


    __


    Later that night, as Paris slept, I silently creaked the door to our quarters open and Paul, who was right outside, nodded at me to come out. There were other guards posted, of course, but Paul knew their schedules and we wound our way through the castle to avoid them and collected Terry along the way.


    We arrived at the chapel at the east wing of the castle and climbed out the window. Once outside, we made our way on silent feet under the blue shade of the moon and the sound of chirping crickets to the west side of the city. There were soldiers at every exit in the city, and we had to climb atop a house at the west entrance in order to leave unnoticed. Not being one for exercise, Paul let me hang on his back as he climbed up the house and down the other side without the guards noticing.


    My heart was pounding the whole time. Not only was there the fear of being caught, but I was also dreadfully afraid of the dark. Before now, I had never been out of either Daddy¡¯s or Paris¡¯ castle this late at night.


    We walked westward until we came upon the tall green grass and we looked around for Meridi and her people. To our left, we saw a cave with a fire lit within. Meridi waved at me and the three of us joined her around the fire in the cave.


    ¡°Hello, little queen. We¡¯ve been waiting.¡± Meridi said happily.


    I sat between Terry and Paul and replied, ¡°I hope not for long. Are you all okay out here?¡±


    Meridi nodded. ¡°We¡¯re very self-reliant. I learned as a c-c-c-child how to hunt and find water. The silken moths of Gracet are very different from you fluffy moths of N-n-nui.¡±


    ¡°I see¡­¡± I replied, jealous of her talent in fighting. ¡°You must tell me more of the silken moths when we have time. For now, I need you to tell me all you know of the moth gods¡ªespecially if you know anything more of the lustful god.¡±


    Meridi took a deep breath and looked into the fire, gathering her thoughts. There was a long moment of silence before she began.


    ¡°I will start with the lustful god, then. I saw in my dream that you had delayed his return¡ªthat you exorcised him from his host¡ªand his host died. But, unfortunately, he had gathered e-e-e-enough power before you exorcised him by¡­ By feasting on that guard so that he could survive without a body for a time so long as the wild mothmen keep sacrificing to him. He is searching for another host as we speak, and he will succeed¡ªor so my dream told me. You are the only person he seems to somewhat fear. From my dream¡­ I don¡¯t think he can hurt you. Only the people you love¡­¡±


    ¡°Do you know why?¡± I asked.


    She shrugged. ¡°There¡¯s something inside of you that he fears. It¡¯s why he left those wounds on your insides rather than o-o-outsides.¡±


    She was referring to my phantom pains, I realized. ¡°Is there anyway to stop him from coming back?¡±


    Meridi shook her head. ¡°No. None that I know of. My dream showed a world on fire due to his return¡ªwith humans in charge. It did not show me who his host would be.¡±


    I sighed. I had enough on my plate without having to worry about his return. ¡°When will he come back?¡±


    ¡°Soon. Probably within a y-y-y-year.¡± Meridi replied uncertainly. ¡°In my dream, he is the one who ends up harnessing Terry¡¯s power.¡±


    I let that sit in for a moment and took note of it mentally. ¡°What of the other moth gods? Do you know which sides they will choose?¡±


    Meridi shook her head. ¡°I-i-i-it¡¯s unclear. Perhaps if we can bring this human¡ªParis¡ªto our side, we can keep Nui and the moths and humans therein safe from the coming war. If we keep Terry safe and fortified here within Nui, perhaps we can even prevent the war and anyone from finding out about his powers. According to my dream, that is the thing that sets the war off. The war will be a devastating thing fought by all kingdoms¡­¡±


    Everyone was deathly silent for a moment. We all let this new information gel. It dampened the mood enormously.


    ¡°Meridi, do you know anything of the lustful god¡¯s powers? Why can he only plant the doves in male heads? And how does he give those humans magic?¡± I queried.


    Meridi scratched her furless cheek, collecting her thoughts again. ¡°Hypthos showed me in my dream¡­ Humans don¡¯t believe in magic like moths do. They repulse it and have their faith instead¡ªbut that doesn¡¯t mean they don¡¯t have the potential to use magic the same as moths. They just don¡¯t believe in it, and so it never manifests. But, while the lustful god is in their heads, he can trigger it in the humans that have it buried in their souls, and it overwhelms their faith. There is something about the human soul that, when magic is buried within it, makes it far more powerful than moth magic.¡± Meridi explained. ¡°As for why he c-c-can¡¯t plant doves in the heads of women¡­ Scripture states that his mother blessed women with souls that would be unaffected by his magic because she knew he was no good. She held no love for men and left them to be cursed by her son.¡±


    ¡°Is there anyway to stop him from finding another vessel?¡±


    Meridi shook her head. ¡°Not as long as there are wild mothmen sacrificing to him and keeping him alive in the physical world. It would be impossible to find and kill any and all wild mothmen before he returns, however. The only thing I know about who is next vessel will be, is that they will have a very gray heart.¡±


    I sighed. I remembered the ones I had seen in the woods where Amser dwelt, and I realized I should notify Paris that I had seen them so he could go clear them out. But curse my weak heart, I felt so sorry for them. I wasn¡¯t sure I could.


    ¡°So, the next question is,¡± I continued. ¡°How are we going to gather all the moth slaves?¡±


    And we all collapsed into silent thought and tried to think of a way to do so.


    I will write again later, my diary. My wrist hurts.

 Chapter 54

    As we sat around the fire, we all began throwing out ideas and ways to gather all the moth slaves in the city.


    ¡°Well, we know we have to meet them at night when nobody else is around.¡± Terry commented with a shrug as he took a bite out of the meat Meridi had cooked and offered us. Earlier I had asked her if it was against moth religion to eat meat since I couldn¡¯t remember, and she replied it was fine to eat pig¡¯s meat. I didn¡¯t subscribe to moth religion anymore and subscribed to the human religion instead, but I was just curious about it.


    I nodded in agreement. ¡°We would need to send someone into the homes of every human in the city and somehow inform the moth slaves living therein that they need to sneak out at night and meet me¡­ That someone best be a moth, because they wouldn¡¯t trust Terry or Paul.¡±


    I leaned my cheek upon my hand, thinking deeply and as hard as I could. My thoughts were stuck on other things, unfortunately, such as my sister¡¯s eggs and the possibility of Paris divorcing me if I couldn¡¯t give him any children. I was so stressed out, but I had to stay on task.


    There was Gerta. She was a moth slave. Perhaps if we could find some excuse to give to Paris, we could send her door-to-door with the intent of telling the moth slaves to gather at night. I related the idea out loud.


    Meridi nodded. ¡°That¡¯s certainly an interesting idea. But what would be the excuse to send her to every home in the city?¡±


    The chirping of crickets filled up the silent moment as we all tried to think of a reason to send Gerta door-to-door.


    I gasped as my eyes lit up with an idea. I grinned cheerfully. ¡°How about a ball? I can tell Paris that I¡¯d like to have a ball to bring the nobility and the peasants closer together! I can have Gerta and maybe a few other moth slaves go door-to-door. They can hand out the invitations to meet the queen in the city square where I will give them the announcement of the ball! That way, Gerta can find a way to also inform the slaves to meet me the night of the ball! That is when I can sneak out and have a word with them. The only problem is figuring out how Gerta can inform the slaves to meet me. She can¡¯t just tell them right in front of their masters. I also need an amazing excuse to sneak away from both Paris and the ball to meet with the slaves. There would also be the problem of all the guards posted at night that I¡¯d have to sneak past.¡±


    My companions looked at each other and thought about my plan carefully.


    ¡°T-t-there¡¯s a lot that could go wrong.¡± Meridi said uncertainly. ¡°But it might be the best idea available.¡±


    We all sank into deep thought again about how we were going to pull this off.


    Meridi asked, ¡°just how many guards are posted at night and where are they? I a-a-a-am a very powerful mage, especially since I was blessed with the powers befitting a prophetess of Hypthos. Perhaps I can knock all the guards out?¡±


    We all looked at Paul, assuming he would know how many were posted. He cleared his throat, ¡°there aren¡¯t that many¡ªthere are thirty in all. However, if we get noticed, each guard is equipped with a horn to call for backup.¡±If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    ¡°Easy!¡± Meridi claimed. ¡°We can take care of the guards! We silken moths are trained to be stealthy!¡±


    ¡°Are you sure? I don¡¯t want you to get hurt.¡± I said worriedly.


    ¡°D-d-d-o not worry, little queen. The guards will not know what hit them.¡± Meridi assured me. I wasn¡¯t sure she would be okay, but this plan was our best bet. I had to believe in her¡ªwhich was difficult since she had just recently almost killed me and Paul.


    ¡°Then there¡¯s just the matter of informing the slaves when and where I will meet them and how I will sneak away from Paris.¡± I said aloud. ¡°Any ideas?¡±


    Terry spoke up, ¡°I have an idea for sneaking away from Paris! Maybe after an hour of being at the ball, I can pretend to have been rejected by dozens of girls and I¡¯ll leave all teary-eyed! You can tell Paris that you need to go comfort me!¡±


    I giggled. ¡°Alright, but you have to make it really convincing! I can teach you how to cry on command!¡±


    Terry was surprised. ¡°Is it possible to cry on command?¡±


    I looked a little smug as I replied, ¡°of course it is! Looks like I have something to teach you for once! Now we just need to think of a way to inform all the moth slaves when and where they should meet me!¡±


    We all fell silent again as we thought.


    Paul suddenly suggested, ¡°perhaps¡­ Perhaps you should make a letter out to the slaves that says something different than the ones addressing the humans for Gerta to pass out? One that asks them to meet you in the Purjun forest at the precise time that Terry will pretend to be crying? Your excuse for the second letter to Paris could be an announcement that they¡¯ll have the day off the night of the ball. But, of course, Paris will have to agree to it, and you¡¯ll have to make sure he can¡¯t see what it says.¡±


    I thought about it long and hard, and I could come up with nothing better. I nodded slowly. ¡°Alright, it all sounds like a plan. I pray we don¡¯t get found out. Now, let¡¯s go over all the important aspects of the plan. Paul, where exactly will the guards be stationed that night so Meridi can knock them all out?¡±


    ¡°I c-c-could just kill them.¡± She said teasingly.


    ¡°No killing!¡± I chastised her.


    That did bring to mind the fact that the guards would ask questions when Meridi knocked them out. They would certainly report it.


    I grinned to myself. I could use the wild mothmen I had seen in Purjun the other day to my advantage. We could pin the knockout of the guards on them somehow, and then Paris could rally his soldiers and clear the woods out.


    We spent an hour or two ironing out our plan¡ªmaking sure we all knew our roles thoroughly and what time we had to accomplish them¡ªand then we said goodbye for the night.


    ¡°I am excited, little queen! I feel as if this can only lead to good things!¡± Meridi exclaimed happily as Terry, Paul and I, stood up from the fire. I yawned, feeling exhausted. There were only a few hours left until the sun dawned.


    I nodded in return. ¡°At least we can give it our all!¡±


    ¡°Come, on, Mimi! We got this!¡± Terry assured me. ¡°You have to be the most confident of all of us that this will work! Make sure you have an incredible speech ready for when we meet with all the moths!¡±


    Meridi was watching Terry with the look of a cranky mother.


    ¡°Look at this poor boy!¡± Meridi said, grabbing Terry¡¯s wrist roughly and pulling him closer to her. ¡°He has dirt on his face and food stuck to his armor! You haven¡¯t been looking after this precious Catalydd at all, have you!¡±


    Meridi used her sleeve to wipe the dirt off of Terry¡¯s face and the spots of food off of his armor. ¡°T-t-t-there you go! Such a cute little boy! You take care of this sweet child!¡±


    Meridi warned me while waving a finger at me warningly. I giggled a little.


    Terry groaned. ¡°I can take care of myself, you old biddy! I¡¯m a peasant¡ªwe can¡¯t always afford to bathe regularly!¡±


    Paul intervened on Terry¡¯s behalf. ¡°You ladies quit picking on him. He¡¯s red in the face.¡±

 Chapter 55

    The following day, I found time to inform Gerta of our plan in the chapel where I was sure nobody would be listening in on us.


    Gerta was very happy to be able to help me, and she agreed to the plan wholeheartedly. ¡°I can¡¯t believe it! You might really be able to do this!¡±


    I nodded cheerfully. ¡°I¡¯m so excited! But I¡¯m also worried that it could all easily go wrong.¡±


    ¡°It has to go right! We have to have faith!¡± Gerta exclaimed.


    After a moment she reminded me, ¡°don¡¯t forget to tell Paris about my eggs.¡±


    Inwardly, I didn¡¯t want to tell him just yet. I didn¡¯t want to make him stressed out or mistrustful of me in any way before I brought up the idea of the ball, but I had to do this for Gerta¡¯s children.


    __


    Paris had a lot of free time that day, and he spent it almost entirely on spoiling me. After I spoke with Gerta, he found me having a lesson with the physician about more salves, and he embraced me from behind and nearly scared me to death. My scream turned into a squeal of delight when I realized it was just him.


    ¡°You scared me to death!¡± I told him with a giggle.


    ¡°Come here!¡± He said to me boldly and pulled me close while repeatedly kissing my face.


    Lara couldn¡¯t hide her disgust at a human kissing a moth, and I pushed him away gently after a moment. ¡°Just what are you doing here! Don¡¯t you have a kingdom to run?¡±


    Paris shook his head. ¡°I have a wife to please, instead! Which is a much more pleasurable activity!¡±


    Lara smiled a little and told me, ¡°we can continue later, My Lady. You go have fun.¡±


    And we did have fun. We had lunch in the garden, and afterwards, I lay on my back and looked up at the sky. Paris, who had deep circles under his eyes lately, rested his head on my chest and accidentally fell asleep.


    ¡°That cloud looks like a kitten, don¡¯t you think?¡± I asked Paris while pointing. But his snores filled my ears and I chuckled and decided it would be kind to him not to move. Frankly, I was exhausted as well, and I fell asleep for a few minutes, too.


    He was so happy and confident that day! I thought he had come to terms with himself; I thought he had finally found a love for himself, but it turned out not to be the case.


    __


    ¡°Paris!¡± I said while we were getting ready for bed later and he eagerly undid the corset under my clothes. ¡°I have an idea! You were so happy in my company today that I came up with something to make you all the happier!¡±


    He didn¡¯t hear me. ¡°Why do women have to wear so many damned things under their clothes?¡±


    I snorted a little with a smile. ¡°To make you wait, of course! Now, about this idea¡­¡±


    He looked up as he got to the last lace on my corset and asked, ¡°what about an idea?¡±


    ¡°Focus, Paris, focus.¡± I teasingly pushed him away. ¡°I said, you were so happy today, I want to have a day like this for everyone! Including you! You won¡¯t have to worry a thing about it, of course, because I¡¯ll be the one doing all the work! I can do it under whatever budget you want, too! But I was thinking it¡¯d be wonderful to invite everyone, peasants and nobles alike, to a ball!¡±


    ¡°A ball?¡± Paris replied, making a face. ¡°Why would I want dirty peasants in my castle?¡±


    I frowned and wished he didn¡¯t have such a closed mind when it came to slaves and peasants. ¡°Well, they work very hard, and it could only make relations between the nobility and peasants all-the-better!¡±


    Paris looked at me a little suspiciously, and then he asked, ¡°and what of the slaves of nobility and peasants? What will they do for the night?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s another nice thing! The slaves can have the day off! There are guards to watch them to make sure they can¡¯t escape, so they can just stay at their human¡¯s house and relax for the night!¡± I replied jovially.Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    Paris looked very reticent and paranoid at the suggestion, but he was so in love with me, that he said, ¡°would it make you very happy to be able to organize this?¡±


    I nodded vigorously. ¡°Of course!¡±


    He had that familiar lovesick gaze whenever he made me happy--eyes that were glazed over and driven mad by love. ¡°Then of course you may.¡±


    I lovingly put a hand on his cheek and said quietly and sincerely, ¡°thank you.¡±


    He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into my palm before kissing it. His hands found the last lace on my corset again, but I realized I had to bring up Gerta¡¯s eggs. I stopped his hands and he looked very frustrated which made me laugh.


    ¡°Paris, there¡¯s something else, too. Please be understanding.¡± I began slowly again.


    ¡°What is it?¡± He asked, making himself step away from me.


    ¡°It¡¯s my sister. She¡¯s pregnant¡ªshe¡¯s to have an egg soon. But¡­ But if she does, she says your advisors will kill her eggs before they hatch. Can you please let her keep them? For me?¡± I begged him as sweetly as I could.


    Paris¡¯ mouth moved, but it made no sound. He had a dark look on his face as he turned away from me. ¡°Why the hell would you tell me this now?¡±


    I had to distract him to get him to agree with it. I linked my arms around him and kissed his shoulder. ¡°She¡¯s my sister. It would destroy her if you killed her babies.¡±


    He looked at me sternly. ¡°I can¡¯t bend the rules. Not even for your sister. We can¡¯t give any more food to slaves, we need it for ourselves. The reason why I gave the foreign king so many slaves is because we were already over the limit of the preferred amount. If I make an exception for your sister, I¡¯ll have to do it for every moth and then we¡¯ll be overrun with them and they¡¯ll be eating all our food.¡±


    I began to panic, but I took a deep breath and tried to stay confident. I held my head high and narrowed my eyes as I drew him back into a suffocating embrace again and kissed his chest. ¡°Just this once¡­ Can¡¯t you do it for me?¡±


    His expression was tense, and his eyes giving away his intense passion for me. But there was a sudden change in his demeanor. His eyes turned black and he shoved me away as hard as he could.


    ¡°You¡¯re trying to fool me again, aren¡¯t you? I know you¡¯re no good for me¡ªI know you have secret goals that don¡¯t align with mine, and yet I let you string me along because you¡¯ve gotten under my skin!¡± Paris yelled and I backed away from him with frayed nerves in terror.


    ¡°T-tell me what I¡¯ve done that¡¯s traitorous.¡± I asked him as he came closer to me. ¡°Calm down, Paris.¡±


    ¡°What were you doing the other day with Terry and Paul? You left the city. The soldiers who guard the west entrance to the city confirmed they were knocked out by a moth who then ran out of the city with Terry. Care to explain, my dear? If you have nothing to hide, why haven¡¯t you told me what happened?¡±


    Once again, I was in the familiar situation of being backed up against a wall by someone I loved. ¡°It was a wild mothman who knocked out those guards and tried to take Terry away! I... I didn¡¯t want to tell you because I didn¡¯t want you to worry! You have so much on your mind and it was only one of them. Paul made short work of the moth!¡±


    But his black eyes did not go away as they lingered like they always did on the sapphire hanging from my neck. ¡°I want you to love me as much as the man who gave you that sapphire. You expect me to believe that a poor peasant boy gave you that? Tell me who gave it to you!¡±


    He slapped me across the face and it stung horribly. I turned away from him in fear. ¡°This isn¡¯t you¡­ Why can¡¯t I help you like I can Terry?¡±


    ¡°Ah, but don¡¯t you understand?¡± Paris whispered in my ear menacingly. ¡°This is Paris. This is what is left of a man who has tried to kill himself on several occasions. This is what is buried deep down in his soul. Self-hatred and isolation has simmered for far too long. You¡¯ll never understand what makes a man like this who he is. You can¡¯t help him.¡±


    ¡°You tried to kill yourself¡­?¡± I faced him and wiped my eyes. I frowned intensely and narrowed my eyes. ¡°Get out of his head! Hasn¡¯t he suffered enough!


    I pushed him back and I saw his eyes flicker back to their normal blue color. He looked incredibly confused. ¡°What happened?¡±


    I stared at him in fear and was very tempted to run away from him. But I felt so sorry for him. How sick he must be, to have tried to kill himself. I couldn¡¯t leave him alone when I loved him so much and I knew he could hurt himself. Instead, I begged of him. ¡°Please don¡¯t hurt me!¡± I cried in fear as he stepped toward me.


    ¡°What are you talking about? I was¡­ I was frustrated about your sister¡¯s eggs but I¡¯d never hurt you¡­" He stepped ever closer and I grabbed his wrists with tears in my eyes and for the first time noticed faded scars on them. He was always wearing gloves¡ªand the lights were always dimmed whenever he disrobed.


    I kissed his wrist and murmured tearfully, ¡°how dare you cut the wrists of the man I love¡­¡±


    ¡°Calm down¡­¡± Paris tried to console me while reaching out to me. ¡°Look, if it¡¯s about your sister, I¡¯ll see what I can do to help her. I can make no promises, but I¡¯ll do my utmost¡­¡±


    I shook my head hysterically and crumbled under pressure. I made for the door of our bedroom feeling overwhelmed by everything and just wanting to return to a time before I had to live among humans--to a time when things were good and sweet and innocent and I didn¡¯t have to worry about a man I was so obsessively in love with killing himself.


    Paris seized my arm however with tears in his eyes before I could. ¡°Please don¡¯t leave me. I must have hurt you¡­ You¡¯re scared to death¡­ Please, I promise I¡¯ll never touch you again, just don¡¯t leave me alone.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re so sick!¡± I cried as he fell to his knees and begged my forgiveness with tears stinging his own icy blue eyes.


    ¡°You don¡¯t care about anyone but me! Least of all yourself!¡±


    He made no sound or noise to disagree with that statement. He made me feel loved in that sick and intense way only he knew how. That obsessive, overly passionate, addicting and suffocating love that was the sweetest thing in the world for two people who felt very lonely and unloved much of the time.


    I will write again later.

 Character Extra: Mimi

    Mimi


    I do not know why I am writing this. I have never kept a diary, nor do I plan to. But there is a girl I met¡ªa girl I can¡¯t get out of my head¡ªnamed Mimi. I feel like, in order to keep to my vows, I must write down all of my feelings about her on this piece of parchment and then I can stop thinking about her the way I have been.


    I have ever feared women. It is a trying thing to find women attractive and at the same time fear them to no end. That is why, when my sister died, I decided it was an easy thing to foreswear them and become a templar.


    Women in Artesia--where I hail from--have all the power. They are not normal women by any means. They are some kind of odd mutation of women that dwarf the men and are much stronger than them. Men are disposable to them, and, if their male children are not chosen to be mates, they are instead raised as girls and made to be as feminine as possible. They clothe you in dresses, teach you feminine mannerisms, and make you as docile as possible.


    And they hurt you if you act like a man in anyway. If you walk wrong, if you gesture wrong, if you display manly behavior¡­ They slap both your cheeks.


    I hated them.


    They made me so confused. I wanted to be myself, but was chastised every time I tried. Eventually, I couldn¡¯t take it anymore and I ran away.


    I avoided women as much as I could, even when I left Artesia. I had this reaction where my heart beat faster and I sweated profusely when I saw them.This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    It was no different when a human woman came to our temple in Ironwall and told me of a moth princess who was being kept captive by giants. But, I wanted to become acquainted with my own gender again; I wanted to do something brave and daring--and I did! I went to go rescue that beautiful mothwoman trapped in a cage.


    She was covered in dirt, her dress was filthy, and she was underweight, but she was gorgeous. She was an ivory beacon of lovely femininity, and I fell in love with her and worshipped her immediately. I had found someone to protect; a woman where I felt fit to be a man. She was sweet, kind, and submissive, and I wanted her to be my wife. God, she was so adorable. The way she wanted to hug and cling to me was so alien.


    She displayed such strength, too. Anyone who had been locked in a cage for eight years would no doubt suffer untold damage, and yet, she was never unkind. She was never violent or aggressive, and even though she told me to leave her there when I rescued her, I saw the fire to cling to life buried deep within her, and I just had to spark it for a moment for her to find the strength to live.


    She was attracted to me, too, which was another alien thing. Most women thought me to be too soft, too feminine, and too pretty to love¡ªand, as I wrote earlier, I am too afraid of most women to court them.


    But I was never scared of Mimi; she would never harm anyone, and that¡¯s what I loved most about her. She might never be able to defend herself, but she was still able to love after being locked away for eight years, losing her entire family upon rescue, and suffering all the abuse she had after. That was what true strength was.


    I wanted to spoil her and give her everything a girl of such undying sweetness deserves, but I made my choice in life. I cannot kiss her, I cannot even touch her, and it drives me mad. I never thought I would ever fall in love with a woman¡ªI never thought one would actually want me being as defective as I am.


    I chose wrong. God help me, I love this girl and I chose wrong. I was so close to giving up everything, just so I could kiss her once.

 Chapter 56

    Taranheim 181


    Paris couldn¡¯t apologize enough for hitting me. He couldn¡¯t even remember it, but he nonetheless threw himself on his knees and begged my forgiveness.


    I forgave him. I kissed him as many times as I felt he needed for him to recognize that my forgiveness was real.


    I looked at his wrists in the morning while he still slept with trembling hands. His eyes fluttered open after a moment and he pulled me close. ¡°There were times when I just felt so lonely. Everyone else always seemed so happy¡ªthey had so many friends and found it so easy to just be happy. I had to live with sadness coursing through my very veins. I just can¡¯t shake it sometimes. And that¡¯s when I realized I didn¡¯t want to live anymore.¡±


    I screwed my eyes shut and sobbed through clenched teeth. ¡°Don¡¯t ever do that again. Promise me!¡±


    ¡°I promise¡­¡± He replied and held me closer. ¡°Now, don¡¯t you have a ball to organize?¡±


    __


    I did have a ball to organize. I met with Meridi two more times in the night so we could make sure everything in the plan was as air-tight as possible, and then I sent Gerta out with the invitations to the ball and that I had an announcement about it for everyone in the city.


    Earlier that day, Paris had looked at both letters I had made out to humans and moths alike. The one addressed to the humans was a simple letter giving the details for the ball and asking them to join the queen in the city square for an announcement later in the afternoon. The second letter was not the actual letter I was going to send to the moth slaves, but instead a fake one stating they would have the night off.


    Paris looked very impressed at my formal tone in the letters and my beautiful hand writing.


    ¡°I have the best wife in the world!¡± He announced and kissed me affectionately.


    Those kisses melted me, even if I couldn¡¯t get how much his slap had stung me out of my head. It wasn¡¯t you. It wasn¡¯t you¡­


    I was horrified when Paris¡¯ advisors asked to see more than my ploy letter to the moths. They wanted to see the ones Gerta was carrying before she set out with a few other moth slaves in tow. If they saw any of the others, I would be given away.


    Luckily and surprisingly, Paris intervened on my behalf.


    ¡°You will not harass my wife and her lovely plans to make the city as closely knit as possible. I trust you implicitly, my darling¡­¡± He told me with a bright smile.


    And, that afternoon, Gerta and a few other moth slaves who she assured me were loyal to me after they had received the star-shaped pillows from their queen (or, in reality, Gerta), went out to the city and knocked on the doors of all the inhabitants. She handed the letter of the announcement to the humans along with the information about the ball in case the human couldn¡¯t come to my announcement for whatever reason. She also handed the letter to the moths while she was inside their houses. Proper social etiquette for both humans and moths dictated that it was incredibly rude to look at someone else¡¯s letters, and I prayed that would keep any human from seizing the letters from their slaves.


    If no one was home, Gerta would simply slip the announcement letter under the door and not risk giving the other letter to the moths. Hopefully, even if a moth or two didn¡¯t receive the letter, other moths would spread the word to them.


    And later that same afternoon, I gave the announcement in person that, by order of the king, all peasants and nobles would come and have fun at the ball.Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    I had three prayers, my diary. I prayed Gerta would not get caught when she passed out the letters to the moth slaves, I prayed no human would see what the letters to the moths said, and I prayed that no moth would be traitorous enough to tell a human what it said. God rewarded my faith. Gerta returned safe and sound and was not caught.


    In a week, we would have our ball and my chance to speak with my people would come. I worked tirelessly at making the great hall in the castle as clean and beautiful as possible for the coming ball. I scrubbed the giant floor with the help of slaves and I also tidied up another large room (we were going to need two to be able to hold all the citizens of Nui) called a Place of Arms where knights would normally assemble if they were needed to.


    Paris suggested that I keep the peasants in the Place of Arms and the nobles in the Great Hall, but I refused and said both would have a mix of the two. He reluctantly agreed. The Place of Arms was a hug place with arches formed on the ceiling supported by many wooden beams in the middle of the room. There were six stain glass windows on each on opposing walls which needed to be dusted badly, and racks of weapons stored there which needed to be removed for the time being. My phantom pains really didn¡¯t help me in getting it set up for a ball, but at least I had plenty of help thanks to Gerta and the other moth slaves.


    I decorated both rooms with beautiful ornate rugs and lovely tapestries and set up plenty of well-crafted and sturdy chairs for everyone to sit in.


    All the while I practiced what I would say to the moth slaves several times and became very frustrated when I thought it wasn¡¯t good enough.


    I even practiced in front of Terry and Paul.


    ¡°What I need for everyone to do,¡± I practiced in my loudest and most authoritarian voice in the chapel which was vacant this time of day, ¡°is to, for now, p-p-play¡­ Damn it!¡±


    Terry chuckled. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ve ever heard you swear before! You¡¯re always so sweet and lady-like! It¡¯s kind of refreshing to see you have an earthy side!¡±


    I groaned. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to do! I¡¯m terrible at this!¡±


    ¡°Calm down, My Lady. We know you can do this.¡± Paul assured me. ¡°Try again. Stop reading from that parchment. Just look into my eyes and pretend I¡¯m your people. Tell them exactly what you want to say.¡±


    He was so kind and reassuring, just like Daddy and Mother were. His faith in me touched me deeply. I sniffled a little and tried again. I fared much better that time.


    __


    The night of the ball approached fast, and everything was set into motion. Peasants and nobles alike filed into the Great Hall as well as the Place of Arms (which Paul and many other guards were surveying in Paris¡¯ place to make sure everyone behaved).


    Paris sat on the throne of the large and jovial room while I stood by his side as everyone gathered inside.


    After the crowd settled down and stopped murmuring, he suddenly pulled me down on his lap as he addressed the large crowd, ¡°this event is a result of my lovely wife¡¯s hard work. She toiled for a week to make both the great hall and the place of arms shine so that you all could be treated as kings in your own right for one night. You should all thank this lovely angel for this beautiful night.¡±


    And they all cheered loudly for me. I shyly tucked my head away into Paris¡¯ shoulder and he tightened his arms around me as the crowd laughed and cooed that I was sweet and humble. Paris kissed my cheek.


    In a moment, musicians began playing their flutes, violins, and other instruments and the crowd began dancing.


    I kept track of Terry, who was dutifully asking many girls his age to dance and pretending to be rejected by them, which made the young ladies look utterly confused.


    I had coached him on how to cry on command, and I thought he had gotten the hang of it in the week we practiced.


    ¡°So this is what girls do to get what they want¡­¡± Terry commented the first time I showed him. ¡°Life is so easy for you!¡±


    I made a face. ¡°How about you spend eight years in a cage? Now, what you need to do is think of a time in your life when you were incredibly sad and use that to your advantage. You need to live that moment again.¡±


    It took several practice sessions, but he eventually got the hang of it. Terry was far too tough to take to it immediately.


    Paris suddenly whispered in my ear and brought me out of my reverie, ¡°would you like to dance with me, my darling?¡±


    ¡°Of course, my love!¡± I said eagerly. I stood up first, and then Paris linked his arm in mine and we walked down the many stairs that led up to the throne as elegantly as possible¡ªuntil I nearly slipped nervously and Paris had to catch me. Some of the crowd below noticed and laughed, but not in a cruel manner.


    Of course, I still didn¡¯t really know how to dance. Terry had tried to teach me all those months ago, but he didn¡¯t really know how either. Paris did, however. He led and looked like the regal gentleman I knew him to be. My heart thumped wildly with joy and elation. This was one of the things I had always wanted; to have a dance with the prince of my dreams at a cheerful ball.

 Chapter 57

    We descended the last step and joined the others in dancing.


    My white ballgown dress with three layers flared as I elegantly as I spun in a circle around Paris while he kept one hand on my lower back on the other linked with mine above our heads.


    Some of the crowd around us took a moment to appreciate how lovely a couple we looked, despite being different species and not being the prettiest people there.


    I felt like my love for Paris was deepened even more as I leaned my head against his chest in comfort and closed my eyes.


    Time was passing quickly, however, and if things had gone well, it was nearly time for me and Terry to go.


    The bracelet Meridi had given me was rigged with magic to flare red briefly to work as a signal for when she had knocked all the guards outside out. I had handed the bracelet to Terry to that he would know.


    And, just on time, I saw the red-headed boy fake tears and run out of the room¡ªmaking as much of a scene as possible.


    I gasped and looked at Paris. ¡°Can I go comfort him? I shouldn¡¯t be more than an hour.¡±


    Paris looked disappointed and said melodramatically, ¡°what shall I do without you? I shall sit on the throne and weep until you return.¡±


    I giggled and kissed his cheek before following Terry out.


    I met him outside in the hall. His eyes were still wet and he told me, ¡°you didn¡¯t tell me fake crying was so painful! I can¡¯t stop!¡±


    I chuckled quietly before we set out.


    Paul had told us the exact route to go through the castle so we wouldn¡¯t be caught by any guards patrolling. It was all going smoothly, despite having to take a rather round-about way to get to the east wing of the castle where we once again climbed out the window of the chapel and I prayed Meridi had successfully knocked out all the guards.


    I had instructed her to leave a letter next to one of the guards pinning the attack on the wild mothmen in the Purjun forest. The letter demanded that Paris hand me over for a ransom because they hated me for being a traitor. Humans, not understanding wild mothmen and their goals, would not realize that mothmen would not care at all of my marriage to a human.


    I looked about cautiously once we were outside the castle and saw that the guards outside the castle were, indeed, knocked out. Meridi had used some kind of blowgun and struck the guards with darts.


    I sighed with relief and Terry and I began dashing toward the city on the familiar downhill incline as quickly as we could.


    Someone tapped my shoulder and I squealed in fear, but then I calmed down when I realized it was only Meridi. I took a deep breath. ¡°Why would you do that?¡±


    ¡°Forgive me, little queen. I¡¯ve been trying to catch up to you on these old knees, and you were going a little fast for me.¡± Meridi explained.


    ¡°Have the moths gathered in the forest?¡± I asked.


    Meridi nodded. ¡°They have. The plan is going off with no problems at all!¡±


    Bless Paris. If he hadn¡¯t kept his advisors from looking upon the letters, the plan would have been a failure and I might have been hanged for treason.


    We hurried to the Purjun forest, and I couldn¡¯t help but grin at seeing more guards knocked out on the way. Meridi was a force to be reckoned with!


    Meridi told me while we were working out the plan that the silken moths of the north, and particularly the clan she hailed from, were skilled at making potions in which to dip darts in that were ideal for putting people to sleep.


    How capable Meridi is! I wished I could be like her¡­ Unlike most female moths, the females of Meridi¡¯s clan were trained to be just as deadly as the males. What they lacked in physical strength, she told me, they made up for in magical power. God saw it fit to bless female moths with more potent magic to even things out, I supposed.


    We dashed out the eastern side of the city and into the Purjun forest after running for minutes in silence and I was greeted with about one-hundred moth faces looking back at me.


    I curtsied lowly to them, and none of them looked please.


    ¡°A curtsy is a human salutation,¡± an older mothman chided and didn¡¯t look impressed. ¡°A proper moth lady, if you remember, my dear, does a rotine.¡±


    I was sweating nervously already. I did a rotine instead¡ªa little spin where a lady properly stomped her left foot forward at the end and then spread the sides of her dress out gracefully¡ªand hoped I would please the old mothman.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    There was silence for a moment as moths whispered about me. I was sweating buckets.


    Terry whispered to me, ¡°don¡¯t panic! I believe in you!¡±


    I cleared my throat at that and took a deep breath. I whispered to Terry, ¡°thank you.¡±


    I addressed the crowd of moths before me with my shoulders back and my chin held high. I imagined, for extra comfort, that Paris had his arms around me and was encouraging me as well. ¡°I organized the ball tonight and gathered you here because I have a plan that will, in the long run, bring humans and moths together and head them toward a peaceful future. I thank you all for not taking this opportunity I have given you to run away¡­¡±


    A young mothwoman yelled, ¡°I wanted to run, but my mother would not allow it until we heard what you had to say! Give us one reason why we shouldn¡¯t?¡±


    I said determinedly, ¡°I can give you several. For one, your wings are still bound¡ªthe keys to the locks to unbind them are in the castle¡ªso unless you want to live life without wings, you have to stay. For two, moths have nowhere to run. We are a dwindling population now, and even if you tried to make a society again away from humans, they could easily find you again and enslave you¡ªperhaps even kill you. For three, if you don¡¯t think that the knights couldn¡¯t easily recapture you once you all run away, you¡¯re wrong. They have horses and weapons, and many of you may die. It is of interest for you all to listen to me.¡±


    The young mothwoman was put in her place, and she crossed her arms looking quite indignant. Her mother who stood next to her asked, ¡°what do you suppose we do then? I thought you brought us out here with some grand plan for escaping?¡±


    ¡°I did. But¡­¡± I took a deep breath. ¡°It will require strength, perseverance, and most of all, kindness on your part.¡±


    I had their attention. They all looked at me intently and waited for my solution.


    Human scripture was such a wonderful thing¡­ It always suggested to kill your enemies with kindness, and that was what I was going to propose.


    ¡°First of all, I want you all to know that I am entirely on your side. And, I am also on the side of the humans.¡± I announced, and the crowd immediately dissented loudly and cursed me out. I prayed that nobody in the castle would hear us.


    Firmly, I took Terry¡¯s hand and held it high above my head in my own hand as I yelled above the din of noise, ¡°this boy is my best friend in the world, and he¡¯s a human. I thought of killing myself several times after being locked in a cage for several years and then forcibly being married to a human, but this boy¡­ He promised me he¡¯d be there for me and convinced me to live. No moth did that for me. Everyone, moth and human alike hated me, but Terry showed me kindness. He¡¯s been there for me since we met.¡±


    Terry looked at me, touched and surprised, and wiped a tear from his blue eyes.


    The moths settled down again, and it appeared I had gotten through to them. One announced, however, ¡°then you prefer humans to us? Why should we listen to you at all?¡±


    ¡°I do not prefer humans to moths, nor moths to humans! I love them all!¡± I cried. ¡°That¡¯s why I want to bring them together. You must listen to me. It¡¯s going to be a long road, but what I need for you all to do, is, once I am done speaking with you tonight, go back to your humans and pretend like this never happened. The only difference will be in your demeanor. You need to love your humans. You need to get to know them, understand them, and befriend them. You need to make the humans so close to you that they consider you family. They will begin to treat you better, and, in a year, I promise you all that I will ask my husband to free you, and he and every human in Nui will agree to it because they will begin to see you as friends instead of beasts.¡±


    There was whispering among the crowd. Some of them liked the idea, and some of them hated it.


    I continued. ¡°Nui can be an example for the other kingdoms, and maybe other moths will be freed soon after. Wouldn¡¯t it be nice to have peace?¡±


    Meridi spoke up. ¡°What choice do we have? The humans far outnumber us now. Our only way out is to befriend them.¡±


    There was a long moment of silence.


    My heart was warmed when the first old mothman who had criticized my curtsy did a vut¡ªin which a male moth respectfully plants the two arms of his right side on his hip, and the other two arms gently wade downwards in the air¡ªand then all the rest of the crowd followed after him.


    ¡°What choice do we have?¡± I heard many of them mutter.


    ¡°Besides, she is sweet and genuine. She would not lie.¡± I heard many others concur.


    I let the moment sink in and I sighed.


    I was beaming. We had gotten hem to agree. I had earned their respect. I had accomplished something great. I felt so proud.


    I looked up at the sky tearfully. Are you proud, Mother and Daddy?


    To show I trusted them, I told them everything that had happened to me since I had been captured¡ªincluding the lustful god¡ªand Meridi chimed in and told them of the upcoming war she learned of in her dream. I told them of the black eyes and asked if anyone saw them like I did, but they said they didn¡¯t. I tried to tell them how to help anyone who they suspected had a dove in their head, but it didn¡¯t make a lot of sense to them.


    ¡°You have to understand them completely; you have to show them you understand them and soothe the bird out.¡± I tried to explain.


    After that, all the moth slaves dutifully filed back into the city and continued their lives as slaves. But now they were slaves who would slay their owners with kindness¡ªslaves who would help me in befriending the humans¡ªand slaves who each pledged their loyalty to me.


    I went back to the ball after an hour passed. Paris was overjoyed to see me again and drew me into his arms. He glanced at Terry who had faked more convincing tears and he chuckled. ¡°I don¡¯t understand why no girl will dance with him. He¡¯s very handsome for a boy his age.¡±


    ¡°Not as handsome as you, my darling!¡± I grinned cheerfully and kissed him aggressively.


    As I danced with Paris, I looked at Terry in pride¡ªa boy who previously had a reputation of kissing girls without their permission¡ªand saw him kindly bow to a pretty girl his age and then gracefully, the chubby peasant girl, wearing the most expensive thing she owned¡ªunfortunately, a rag¡ªeagerly accepted his invitation for a dance and he treated her the way a gentleman should treat a lady, gently and with affection--despite stepping on her toes. He had to let her lead after awhile. He had come so far.


    I am so happy tonight, my diary! There are so few things standing in my way now! The biggest thing is Paris himself.


    I looked at his gloved hands sadly. I needed that piece of information from him that would allow me to understand him. For now, I lifted his hands and kissed his wrists through his gloves. He looked sick with love as he always did and pulled me close.


    ¡°You make me want to live.¡± He whispered to me.


    I will write again later.

 Character Extra: Paris

    Paris


    Paris is a man I love with all my heart. It wasn¡¯t the kind of love I had for Caerwyn, which was an immediate attraction and affection, it was a slow buildup of affection that blossomed into an all-out mania for him.


    At first, I had no love for him. I didn¡¯t necessarily hate him, but I was deathly afraid of him at first due to his reputation. Like he did with everyone, at first, he shut himself away from me and wanted nothing to do with me other than wishing me to have dinner with him for appearances. He dedicated himself to being king and ignored his moth queen who he was embarrassed to have as a wife.


    But something changed in him that day I showed concern over that fall he had off his horse and got that cut on his head. His eyes, turned black by the lustful god, had burst forth blue. A previously cold and antisocial man lingered on that moment and slowly became possessed by me. For the first time in his life, he wanted a woman not for a night, but for all his days.


    And I was deathly frightened of romancing a man who I knew must have had women far prettier, experienced, and more enticing than me. Women who I was sure knew how to draw a man¡¯s eye, unlike me.This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.


    Before I was captured, Mother and Daddy always assured me I was the prettiest thing in the land. I had an inflated ego back then and I thought they couldn¡¯t be wrong. But after multiple humans thought me a hideous beast and after I got that ugly scar on my face, I had trouble looking in the mirror and seeing a pretty girl like I once had.


    Until Paris made me feel like the most desirable woman in the world by pursuing me so aggressively. But he didn¡¯t just think me pretty, if I hadn¡¯t shown him kindness, he never would have found me so attractive. It was my kindness and affection he wanted more than anything. It was something he had never gotten from anyone else, and I had plenty to give.


    He was happy with me; enormously happy.


    But he was also jealous, paranoid, and prone to drinking. He had told me once that sadness coursed through his very veins. At first, I thought it must be because he was treated so very poorly by his family, but he was away from them, and he was still so sad so often.


    I struggled to believe it was because that was just the way he was; I refused to believe it! But sometimes, when he doesn¡¯t know I¡¯m looking at him, I see him looking so lost and forlorn when there is no reason to be. He is a sad man, and he makes me sad.


    Paris has icy blue eyes and black hair. They are such cold colors! They tell of a man who has shut himself way from other people. He has put up a wall of ice around his mind, and a cage of black iron around his heart. He has only lowered them enough to let me in and me in only. I adore being his angel.

 Chapter 58

    Taranheim 181


    The next two months went by so quickly, my diary! I had committed myself to a schedule everyday for the rest of Taranheim!


    First, I made it a habit to always have a private breakfast with Paris. During this time, I would consistently probe him for any details about his life that would help me understand him so I could coax the bird from his head. Next, I worked on improving my sewing in the garden with a few other noble ladies. Then, I had lessons with the physician in her quarters I was much better at it than sewing!


    After that, I would ride out to the city with Paul and Terry and, at first, I would just let myself be seen by the people and explore. After awhile, however, I convinced Paris to let me help many of the shop owners, and they grew to love my company. I helped each of them in their shops on different days of the week. I finally got to try my hand at making a sword at the blacksmith¡¯s! It turned out crooked and ugly, but I kept it anyway! I also got much better at math by working with the glass maker who had come around and apologized for trying to overcharge me for that red vase!


    And while I was in the city, I saw it beginning to happen already, my diary. I saw many noblewomen who previously had moth slaves trailing them silently begin speaking joyously with their slaves rather than ignoring them. They talked about things both personal and pleasant and were becoming friends rather than master and slave.


    Meridi told me she would ever hide just outside Nui and keep to the tall grass in case I needed her again. On rare occasions, I would get up late in the night just so I could learn more about her and the silken moths of the north. She was turning out to be another amazing friend.


    She told me about her brother, whose bracelet I wore. ¡°Our parents were killed by humans, so he looked after me. He taught me everything. Fighting, coking, sewing¡­ He was a great man. He was too defiant, however. He couldn¡¯t live as a slave and so he¡­ He sacrificed himself so that I and a few other silken moths could escape slavery.¡±


    She also told me of her mother. ¡°Ah! Another great woman! It is a strange thing, but you remind me very much of her, little queen, despite being many years younger than me. My mother was so calm and composed and loving, just like you! I always wished I could have taken after her. Perhaps then I would have some children and a husband! Alas, I would have been a mothman¡¯s least favorite wife.¡±


    I giggled at that.


    But with happy times come sad times.


    When Meridi had the guards knocked out, Paris completely bought the letter Meridi had placed next to one of them asking Paris to hand me over. Paul rallied the knights and went to clean out the Purjun woods. Before he left, I asked him if it would be possible to simply jail the wild mothmen, but Paul shook his head. He dried my tears when I cried at their gruesome fate. I had essentially killed them will my own actions.


    ¡°It¡¯s for a greater good, My Lady.¡± Paul said and gave me a reassuring hug.


    Paris, however, was all too happy when the guards found and dispatched the wild mothmen.


    ¡°You¡¯ll be safe now, my love,¡± he said and kissed me on the forehead.


    I spent many days reflecting over their deaths. I had never been responsible for anyone¡¯s death, and I never planned to be. I prayed that God would forgive me.


    There was also the sad matter of Gerta¡¯s eggs. Paris had sat me down on our bed and knelt before me while he informed me, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mimi. The only way I could find to please the advisors concerning your sister was to send her and her eggs back to Ironwall. She¡¯ll still be a well-taken care of slave working in the castle, but she can¡¯t stay here. Please forgive me. It¡¯s the only solution I could think of. Humans would notice if the slave population went over the known amount and it would only cause problems between humans and moths. There will be more food and comfort for her children in Ironwall anyway, and I promise I will give her an appropriate number of guards to get her safely there.¡±


    I wept sorrowfully in his arms. I wondered if I would ever see her again. She was my last family member and I loved her immensely. It took me so long to appreciate Gerta¡¯s amazing traits; her toughness, her bluntness, and her hardworking nature. Now that I had, I was losing her like the rest of my family.


    I gave her the news in the kitchen and she was immediately set to crying. She unabashedly hugged me and cried, ¡°Mimi, I¡¯m sorry I was so mean to you. I love you more than anyone in the world now that I¡¯ve actually taken the time to know you. Thank you for saving my eggs. I just wish you could meet them when they¡¯re born.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry I couldn¡¯t find a way for you to stay. I love you so much!¡± I told her with a sob.


    She held me at arm¡¯s length after a moment and looked upon me proudly while sniffling. ¡°Look at you¡­ You¡¯ll change everything. Never give up this crazy scheme of yours. If anyone can accomplish it, it¡¯s you. You¡¯ve endured so much, and yet you¡¯re still so good and sweet. I just hope it doesn¡¯t get you into trouble.¡±A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    She gave me two sisterly kisses on both cheeks before she set out on a wagon with six guards in tow.


    I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful sister and for bringing us together after all this time.


    __


    Yurenheim 181


    Yurenheim continued to be very happy until Paris gave me awful news that changed everything.


    ¡°My darling¡­¡± He began, taking a bite of meat. ¡°It has been many months and you are still not pregnant. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s possible between a human and moth.¡±


    I dropped my fork¡ªlosing my appetite with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I breathed harshly and felt my heart thumping. Was it all over now?


    ¡°Are you going to divorce me?¡±


    ¡°Of course not!¡± He said hurriedly. ¡°But¡­ I need at least three children.¡±


    I took a deep breath and placed a palm on my forehead with a hideous sob. ¡°I want children so badly. I want your children. It¡¯s always been one of my fondest dreams¡­¡±


    Paris stopped eating and flew to my side. He easily lifted me into his arms and kissed my face repeatedly. ¡°That¡¯s all I want, too, but¡­ I have to think of who will rule the kingdom should I die suddenly. My advisors have suggested a solution.¡±


    I waited for him to continue while leaning my head on his shoulder.


    ¡°They propose a surrogate mother. She will have the children, but you will get to raise them and they will be yours and not hers.¡± Paris explained.


    Time seemed to freeze as cold silence enveloped us. My face twisted into an expression of disgust and I struggled out of his embrace.


    I was so angry I couldn¡¯t even speak for a moment. Eventually I managed to spit, ¡°you expect me to allow you to make love to another woman and then raise her children?¡±


    ¡°I told you, they will be yours. She will have no part in raising them and I will never see her again afterwards.¡± Paris tried to calm me down.


    The thought made my stomach churn. ¡°I thought you loved me!¡±


    ¡°I do love you!¡± Paris assured me. ¡°But I have a kingdom to look after and¡­¡±


    ¡°You just¡­!¡± I spluttered furiously. ¡°You just want another woman!¡±


    Blackness seeped into his eyes and he countered, ¡°your filthy culture allows your men to marry multiple women! I thought you would be fine with this idea!¡±


    I choked on tears and turned away from him. ¡°I am not a moth anymore! You have made me into a human wife! I can¡¯t stand the thought of you kissing another woman! It¡¯s repulsive!¡±


    Paris embraced me from behind and kissed my neck. ¡°You want me all to yourself?¡±


    ¡°Of course I do!¡± I replied. ¡°But¡­ But if that is the price for staying married to you, I will pay it.¡±


    I felt like a rug to be stepped on saying it. I felt cowardly and weak. But it was too late to back out of relationship with him. I had already given him my heart.


    Paris turned me around. His eyes were back to blue now. There was a long moment that passed between us while he looked sorrowfully upon my tears.


    He said to me comfortingly, ¡°I don¡¯t want you to pay that price. I will try to reason with my advisors.¡±


    I grinned through clenched teeth. ¡°Truly?¡±


    ¡°Truly. Children are not worth having to me unless they take after you in some way.¡± Paris told me sincerely. ¡°I do not want them to take after me.¡±


    I was glad, but a seed of bitterness was planted within me that day. It was a difficult thing to describe. I had seen and suffered through so much, and yet this was the thing that made blackness enter my soul. Maybe it was because it was another corruption of one of my fondest dreams. Maybe I was just so angry because I was tired of being heartbroken and pushed around.


    I gave him everything¡ªincluding the respect and love of the people of Nui¡ªand he was cruel enough to even suggest I raise another woman¡¯s children.


    __


    Potenheim 181


    I wanted to make Paris pay for his suggestion. I stopped sleeping with him and avoided him where I could. It made him miserable, which I liked very much.


    I heard him having a private meeting with his advisors one day.


    ¡°Your Majesty, this will not do! You need children. You either need to divorce her or have children with another woman!¡± His advisors said loudly.


    ¡°I love her. Does that mean nothing to you? I don¡¯t want children if they aren¡¯t hers.¡±


    He was sweet. Any other king would have divorced me by now or gone with the surrogate idea, but he was doing what his wife wanted. But I was a wicked woman at that time.


    All the while my thoughts were wandering.


    They were wandering back to old dreams and desires.


    They were wandering back to Caerwyn. I had never entirely gotten that man out of my head. My mind would often drift back to that moment when he placed his hands on either side of me and came close to kissing me. I would allow my thoughts to take that moment further, and on those days, I wanted nothing to do with Paris at all.


    I was having many regrets about the past, despite being in a very happy moment in the present. I kept thinking how different my life had been if I had never been captured. I kept thinking how different it would have been if I could have spent my life with Caerwyn instead of Paris. Tantalizing desire was dragging me into a self-obsessed pit of despair.


    I had wanted so many things in life, and I didn¡¯t get a single one but for a husband¡ªand it wasn¡¯t the one I originally wanted.


    All the while, I had all the love and respect from humans and moths alike because I had earned it. I toiled in their shops, I treated them beautifully, and I had even helped out homeless children and begged Paris to open an orphanage for them which I helped run.


    Yes, they loved me. Without me, Paris would be a well-disliked king; a miserable drunk. And I played with the idea of telling the city that he was not royalty at all. Would they accept me as their queen if I did?


    I fell into ever blacker and vain thoughts and behaviors. I ordered hideously expensive dresses to be made for me, I bought the most expensive jewels, and for a week, I did nothing but lounge in my quarters amongst my jewels, clothes, and other fineries. I was trying to recapture my old beauty¡ªbefore I got an ugly scar.


    I even asked Terry if he could use his miraculous healing powers to treat my scar. He tried and failed.


    ¡°Scars are forever, it seems¡­¡± Terry told me sadly.


    I was tired of doing things for other people. It was my turn to be happy and selfish.


    This trend in my disgusting behavior continued and worsened as Paris¡¯ family paid a visit like they had promised.

 Chapter 59

    I didn¡¯t know what had happened to me for those weeks I acted so horribly leading up to and lasting through the visit of Paris¡¯ family. I was selfish, cruel, and a girl I did not recognize. I treated all my friends poorly and didn¡¯t wish to see them. They got on my nerves. Everything did.


    Maybe I was sick of being good. Maybe I was sick of being so submissive. Maybe I just felt powerless and felt like treating the man I loved poorly because I knew I could.


    Yes, he begged for me to come to bed with him and I refused him. He tried to hug me and I slipped away from his arms, he tried to kiss me and I teasingly pushed him away with a smirk. He thought I hated him because of his suggestion about the surrogate mother. And I thought that maybe I did, until he told me the day before his family came to visit, ¡°Mimi, I don¡¯t care what anyone thinks. Least of all my advisors. I won¡¯t make love to or have children with any other woman. I only want you. I don¡¯t care that that means the kingdom will have no heirs. Now please, quit acting so haughty. Quit avoiding me and turning your nose up at my affections. Quit locking yourself up in your quarters. The people of Nui have been missing you. Many have gotten an audience with me just to make sure you are okay.¡±


    He begged me on his knees and it brought a malevolent smile to my face. ¡°Do they? And how much do you miss me since I¡¯ve been avoiding you?¡±


    He looked up at me with pathetic and mewling tears. ¡°More than anything. It¡¯s so lonely without you. You know I have no friends.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I know¡­¡± I crossed my arms sarcastically.


    ¡°Do you still love me? You don¡¯t hate me, do you?¡± Paris demanded.


    Despite my bitter and evil mood, I said without hesitation, ¡°I love you still. I don¡¯t hate you, I just¡­ I¡¯ll play hostess for your family tomorrow like I promised. That should be enough to please you, shouldn¡¯t it?¡±


    I left for the door, but he grabbed me around the hips desperately. ¡°Please forgive me. Please stay.¡±


    I shook him off and left his quarters in a huff. What a pathetic man.


    __


    It was very hot when Paris¡¯ family arrived the next day. It was that muggy, Potenheim weather and the only saving grace was that the pristine blue sky was unblanketed by any clouds.I loved how brightly the sun shone when there were no clouds.


    I stood next to Paris in front of the castle, looking down with a dour expression while we waited for his family to arrive. There was a poof and Paris¡¯ family appeared in a ball of blue smoke. But it wasn¡¯t just them.


    My heart beat so quickly. I had butterflies in my stomach.


    The world was spinning as I gazed upon him.


    Caerwyn had come with them.


    Despite the fact that Paris was right next to me, I ran up to Caerwyn and excitedly squealed. The world fell away, and it was just me and the only knight who had ridden for miles to come to my rescue. ¡°Caerwyn!¡±


    I nearly threw myself into his arms, but I remembered his vows and the fact that I was married before I did.


    He looked upon me with no passion or excitement. He merely bowed politely. ¡°It is good to see you, My Lady.¡±


    Was this truly the same Caerwyn? The same man who had nearly pinned me against a building so he could steal a kiss? Where had his passion gone? Why was he treating me like a stranger?


    Paris followed me and hastily jerked me backwards, away from both Caerwyn and his family who were standing right next to the templar.Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    I remembered myself and I curtsied to Paris¡¯ family and Caerwyn while Paris did a bow.


    Afterward, Paris asked, ¡°you know this man?¡±


    I nodded. ¡°This is the man who rescued me. The templar. Why are you here, Caerwyn?¡±


    ¡°Leon asked me to come make sure you were being treated well as King Torr promised you would be. Are you well, My Lady?¡± Caerwyn asked ineffectually. He used no flattering nicknames for me like he had when we first met.


    My heart dropped. Was he no longer in love with me? The thought was too horrifying to think of. I nodded sadly while looking down and choking back tears. ¡°I am well¡­¡±


    Paris shook Caerwyn¡¯s hand. ¡°Thank you for rescuing her. She¡¯s¡­ She¡¯s a dream come true.¡±


    Caerwyn merely nodded.


    King Torr looked around curiously at the wonderful state of repair the kingdom was in. ¡°You have done surprisingly good work, it seems, Paris.¡±


    Paris nodded and pulled me close. I just wanted out of his embrace and into Caerwyn¡¯s, but for the sake of his family, I faked it and wrapped my arms around him. ¡°I couldn¡¯t have done it without Mimi. Thank you for marrying me to her.¡±


    King Torr turned his nose up at that. This marriage was meant to be a joke, and he meant Paris to fail at being a king, but Paris had proved him wrong. I couldn¡¯t help but take joy in that. He was a good king, with or without me. I just gave him the confidence to be so successful at it.


    A very tall, blond man was looking at me intently. I assumed he must be Peter.


    The middle brother was there as well. He was a a slight and short man, and very pretty! Almost as pretty as Caerwyn!


    The moth who had warped them to Nui was a female moth who was most likely originally from Nui. She had gorgeous red fur that I was very jealous of and clipped wings just like Meridi and all other moth mages who were slaves.


    I curtsied again, this time lowly to his family. ¡°It is wonderful to meet you all¡­¡±


    ¡°She is very polite for a beast,¡± Peter announced and helped me up from my curtsy while kissing my hand.


    I flinched when his lips lingered overlong and trembled when his eyes unabashedly lingered on my chest.


    He said to Paris, pretending to be joking, ¡°I am not sure you deserve this woman, even if she is a beast!¡±


    Paris said firmly, ¡°she is not a beast, she is my wife. I will not have you insult her, even if you are joking.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Peter, let¡¯s be polite,¡± the middle brother agreed. He bowed to me politely and also kissed my hand. I wasn¡¯t so disgusted by him. ¡°It is good to meet you, My Lady, my name is Raul.¡±


    ¡°Good to meet you,¡± I replied dutifully. ¡°I have a surprise for all of you! I cooked you all dinner! I can set an extra plate for Caerwyn so he can eat with us!¡±


    Caerwyn bowed slightly again. ¡°Thank you, My Lady.¡±


    __


    Caerwyn was quiet at the private dining table, as was I. My eyes lingered upon him often, but he kept his head down and his eyes upon his food.


    I served Paris¡¯ family quickly and efficiently. Peter was ever staring at me, which brought to mind that old incident with my sister and made me quiver in fear.


    ¡°I must say again that I am shocked at how good a job you are doing running this kingdom, Paris. I think it has done you good to give you hard work to do and to get you out of the castle. You have grown into a fine king and an honorable man.¡± King Torr said almost jealously and reluctantly. ¡°This wife of yours has certainly helped you in that.¡±


    All their eyes were upon me but for Raul¡¯s and Caerwyn¡¯s.


    ¡°Your beast¡ªyour wife¡ªis a vision of loveliness.¡± Peter said and seized my wrist and kissed it as I served him a special moth dish.


    Paris¡¯ arms tensed, ready to intervene if Peter tried anything, but he let me go in a moment. After I was done serving them, I hurried to my seat beside Paris and Caerwyn and kept my head down while Paris and his family made idle conversation.


    The conversation was bland and formal¡ªa telling sign that the family did not get along.


    Eventually, Peter said, ¡°you are quiet, templar. Why don¡¯t you tell us the story of your rescue of the queen?¡±


    Caerwyn met eyes with Peter, and then he turned to me.


    And he gave himself away in that moment.


    His eyes narrowed intensely and longingly as he gazed upon me but for a moment, and he began, ¡°a princess from another kingdom came to our temple and begged me to rescue a poor moth princess who had been being kept in the giants¡¯ castle for years. I couldn¡¯t¡­ I couldn¡¯t just leave her there. Nobody else was helping her. If I hadn¡¯t we would have all been robbed of this lovely woman.¡±


    I blushed and kept my head down as he related the whole story.


    __


    I had a sleepless night. I slept separately from Paris and could think of nothing else but Caerwyn¡¯s hands on my hips and his lips on mine.


    I knew where his quarters were. Paris had been overly kind to me of late and trusted me enough not to leave a guard outside my door while we were sleeping apart. He also allowed me to come and go as I pleased at night without the guards asking questions.


    I wrote Caerwyn a letter and slipped it under the door to his quarters for the night before going back to bed. I made the excuse to the guards posted outside my quarters that I was having a sleepless night and thought a walk would clear my head.


    I was possessed during those weeks by the spirit of the vain fifteen-year-old girl I used to be. I had missed out on that time in my life and wanted anything to live those years that that girl had missed out upon. God forgive me for that.


    I will write what happened later.

 Chapter 60

    Potenheim 181


    The next day, I ventured forth from my quarters that were still separate from Paris¡¯. Lately, I had been spending much more time sleeping in, but I wanted to see if Caerwyn was awake so I could speak with him privately. On the way there, I happened to walk past King Torr¡¯s quarters and I heard him arguing with Peter.


    ¡°I want her. You told me I could have Nui if I wanted it. Well, I do want it. I want it and his queen.¡± Peter told Torr eagerly.


    ¡°I told you you could have it if he happened to be failing. As you saw, he is doing incredibly well.¡± Torr said with a sigh. ¡°Besides, you are promised Ironwall, the much larger kingdom. I am surprised you want his wife so much. You always told me you found moths repulsive which is correct. There are plenty of human women who want you.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want them, I want this one.¡± Peter insisted.


    I hurried past their quarters with my heart beating faster. God, I hoped they would not steal me away in the night.


    I happened to run into Caerwyn just as he stepped outside his quarters¡ªbeing a templar, he was disciplined to always get up very early. His eyes betrayed him again when he saw me. They lit up, and he couldn¡¯t hold back a small smile. After a moment, however, he bowed to me like we were strangers again and he said, ¡°good to see you, My Lady. Can I help you with anything?¡±


    I frowned intensely. ¡°Quit treating me like a stranger. Did you get my letter?¡±


    Caerwyn was silent for a moment, and then answered slowly, ¡°I did.¡±


    ¡°Then you¡¯ll meet me later tonight?¡± I asked him hopefully.


    Caerwyn dared to step closer to me and yet still resisted his desires. He said, while looking down, ¡°I can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I demanded furiously. ¡°Tell me why.¡±


    ¡°I have my vows, and you have your husband. Nui is doing beautifully largely due to your influence, and Paris himself is doing well thanks to you. Why should you throw that away?¡± Caerwyn asked.


    My heart was pounding. Pounding with lust and the fear that we might be caught. ¡°You can¡¯t deny you still have feelings for me.¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter what I want, sweet girl. It is best for both of us that I not see you in private.¡± He said with much difficulty.


    I took a deep, angry breath. ¡°Don¡¯t you want to know what it is like, for once in your life, to burn with some kind of desire? Have you none at all? Do you really want to live the rest of your life without my touch? Are you a gray creature after all?"


    That sparked a fire in Caerwyn¡¯s green eyes. For a moment, he wanted to prove me wrong. He reached out toward me and I held my breath.


    But the spark left after a moment and he ended up enclosing his hand around the sapphire and kissing it instead of me. ¡°I am making the right choice for both of us. I don¡¯t care if I ever burn with desire. I am sorry. I will always love you from afar, My Queen.¡±


    I glowered and said to him, ¡°you will come to see me later. I know you will.¡±


    And I left his company quickly before anyone saw us.


    __


    I had to spend the whole day with Paris and his family. We gave them a tour of castle Nui with me doing most of the talking and the four of them following. Every now and again, Paris would chime in and add something about a room I showed them, but otherwise, he was characteristically silent.


    Peter shamelessly flirted with me right in front of Paris, and I knew Paris would be too frightened to do anything to stop him. His family had trained him to be that way. Raul stepped in before he did.


    ¡°That dress accentuates your curves so wonderfully,¡± Peter complimented me.


    Paris had a dark expression but said nothing. Raul, on the other hand, intervened, ¡°Peter, for God¡¯s sake, Paris is standing right there.¡±


    At dinner, I sat silently while looking down at my food and battled a war within myself. It was a war of duty and desire. A war of love and lust.


    The problem was, I loved and lusted toward both men equally. It was a sick and perverse thing to want them both. I knew it would destroy Paris if he ever found out I loved another man as well as I loved him, but suddenly, I cared little for others and wanted everything for myself.The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    And God help me, the thought of being caught only made the idea more alluring.


    I knew if I hadn¡¯t been forced to marry Paris¡ªeven though it ended up being a wonderful thing¡ªI would have loved Caerwyn all his days. I would have convinced him to betray his vows and run away with me. That was the life I desired. A life away from other people and only living for myself. And here was my chance at it.


    Love was losing to lust, and duty to desire.


    ¡°Right, my love?¡± Paris¡¯ question brought me out of my reverie.


    ¡°What?¡± I asked.


    ¡°I said, the kingdom is only so wonderful and closely knit due to your efforts.¡± Paris said with a happy grin.


    I looked down expressionlessly. ¡°Right.¡±


    __


    Me, Caerwyn, and Terry found time later in the day to reunite. Caerwyn grinned widely at seeing his old squire and gave him a hug. ¡°You look well, Terry!¡±


    Terry nodded eagerly. ¡°I don¡¯t know if you¡¯ve heard, but I decided to become a knight rather than a templar! I thank Mimi for that! Having such a fine lady to pledge myself to has really shaped me up! And you, Caerwyn? How was the pilgrimage?¡±


    ¡°Oh, it was fine¡­ I missed you two a lot.¡± He said wistfully and gazed upon me and Terry with nothing but love and affection.


    Things were just so comfortable with the three of us. It was like being among family. I wanted to tell Caerwyn everything that had happened since he had gone, but I was worried someone might be listening and only told him things that wouldn¡¯t incriminate me for treason.


    __


    I had Paul arrange the guards so that there would be none in the garden that night, and I asked him what their routes were inside the castle.


    ¡°Why such strange requests, My Lady?¡± Paul asked.


    I lied and said, ¡°I¡¯ve been having trouble sleeping of late, and I don¡¯t want any guards reporting to Paris and having him worry about it. Walking in the garden clears my mind.¡±


    He paused for a moment, but then said, ¡°very well.¡±


    __


    I sat in the garden¡ªwearing the dress Caerwyn got for me from so long ago--and waited for him. My legs dangled off a stone bench as I gazed upon a garden of roses ahead of me. The whether was hot, and cicadas were chirping noisily.


    He was not on time, but I still waited, all the while my mind was taking that kiss he had almost given me further and further until I could think of nothing else.


    He was an hour late, but he eventually walked out of the open arch leading to the garden.


    We were silent for a moment as we locked eyes.


    I said with relieved tears in my eyes, ¡°I knew you¡¯d come.¡±


    ¡°You kept the dress.¡± Caerwyn commented with a smile.


    ¡°Of course I did. You gave it to me.¡± I replied.


    After a moment of silence, he approached me and knelt before me. ¡°I have only come to say goodbye. I¡¯ll leave early tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I cried in horror. ¡°I know this isn¡¯t what you want. You know it isn¡¯t, too. Stay here with me. Be my guard like you promised."


    Caerwyn shook his head. ¡°Forgive me. I will do no such thing.¡±


    I wasn¡¯t thinking. My head was hot with worry that he would leave and I would forever lose my chance at that kiss.


    I threw my arms around him while he knelt and broke his vows while planting a kiss on his lips. It was a slow kiss at first, and then more aggressive when my kiss made him forget himself and he kissed me back.


    He managed to get ahold of himself after a moment and took his hands and lips away.


    I looked at him in disappointment and saw, with horror in my eyes, Paris standing behind him in the arch.


    Caerwyn followed my gaze¡ªlooking behind us--and was stunned to see him as well.


    ¡°Paris, wait!¡± I cried, but he had already turned and left.


    The garden was suddenly frozen in fear, frustration, anger, and sadness.


    Caerwyn turned to me with the most pained look I had ever seen on his face. Tears glistened in his green eyes. ¡°I have broken my vows and turned my back on God.¡±


    He stood up silently and bowed to me. ¡°Forgive me, My Lady. I have failed us both.¡±


    ¡°It isn¡¯t your fault; it¡¯s mine.¡± I said to him sincerely.


    I stood up after him and breathed in deeply as he came to my side. I put a hand on his cheek. ¡°None of this is your fault. God will forgive you.¡±


    He couldn¡¯t help himself. He kissed my face a few more times, and between them said, ¡°we both did this. I wanted to, or wouldn¡¯t have come at all. I am an evil man¡­ I have ruined your marriage and turned my back on God in pursuit of ugly desires. But we could run away together¡ªwe could live in peace apart from all this. It¡¯s already over for me, anyway.¡±


    He continued kissing my tear-streaked cheeks lovingly, and I wanted to take him up on that offer. Nothing sounded more tantalizing.


    But duty had won that fight long ago, despite desire making a resurgence. ¡°I want you to leave early tomorrow, Caerwyn. I want you to be safe from his wrath. I shall take it all upon myself. It¡¯s what I deserve.¡±


    ¡°Mimi, no! We both did this¡ªour only assurance for safety is for both of us to run!¡± Caerwyn insisted.


    I shook my head. ¡°No. I must stay. You will go, Caerwyn. It will be like this never happened, and you can still be a templar. I know¡­ I know being a templar¡ªsticking to your convictions¡ªI know that without that you are a broken man.¡±


    ¡°I refuse to leave you at the hands of a dangerous man. I will carry you out of here if I must.¡± Caerwyn refused and easily lifted me into his arms¡ªthreatening to carry me out of Nui.


    ¡°Put me down!¡± I demanded. ¡°I can¡¯t leave him. I can¡¯t leave my people. Please just do as I ask! Know that I will always love you as well.¡±


    Caerwyn begged me many more times to allow him to take me away, but I would not allow it. Eventually, he realized I would not be swayed, and he finally after much difficulty and swallowing oncoming tears agreed to leave me.


    His last words were, ¡°even now, you think of me over yourself. What a precious angel you are. I pray God will forgive us. I know He will forgive you¡ªyou have been nothing but good all your life¡­¡±


    He looked at me intensely and placed a hand on my cheek. I kissed his palm affectionately, and then he left.


    I was left alone to reflect on what I had done.


    I had no idea what I would do; Paris was entirely within his rights to divorce me. He might start drinking and kill me, or the black eyes might take him with the same result.

 Chapter 61

    I knocked on the door to Paris¡¯ quarters the next morning, and he did not answer.


    ¡°Paris? Please let me in¡­ Please let me apologize¡­ I have already confessed to a priest and begged forgiveness for my sin. If you wish to divorce me, that¡¯s fine¡­ Just let me talk to you.¡± I begged him.


    Silence.


    I begged for him to come out many more times, but he refused.


    I only saw him during the day while we entertained his family. We pretended nothing had happened while his family was in Nui.


    Caerwyn had left, as he had promised, in the morning with the warping moth¡¯s help. He made his excuses to everyone. For appearances sake, Paris did not reveal what he had seen last night to his family nor to anyone else. He wouldn¡¯t look me or Caerwyn in the eye, however.


    The red-furred moth who had warped Caerwyn appeared later in the day with a guard in tow who was holding the chain around her neck.


    At night, when Paris¡¯ family was sleeping, I would again call to him from outside his quarters, ¡°Paris, please talk to me. Tell me anything you want to. I don¡¯t expect you to forgive me, but please, just talk to me.¡±


    But he would say nothing.


    Paris was becoming more withdrawn than ever and couldn¡¯t seem to concentrate very well during the day while we were entertaining his family.


    I looked in my mirror in my quarters at night and threw my head down in front of it while weeping. ¡°God forgive me. That poor man may never recover. What have I done?¡±


    ¡°My darling¡­¡±


    ¡°My darling¡­¡±


    I looked up and saw mother¡¯s face looking back at me in the mirror. I said through my tears, ¡°mother?¡±


    ¡°You must forgive yourself. You lost yourself for but a moment, but now your soul is free of that bitter seed again. Nobody can be kind all the time.¡± Mother told me comfortingly.


    ¡°I must be kind all the time! I must be for Paris! It¡¯s what he needs!¡± I cried.


    ¡°You can¡¯t fix him, my darling. You can only support him.¡± Mother said, and then she was gone.


    I dried my eyes and sniffled. I laid my head down in front of the mirror again. ¡°God help me, I still want you, Caerwyn.¡±


    __


    Paris¡¯ family left after a week had passed and I stopped Paris in the hall the morning they did.


    I grinned and threw my arms around him. ¡°I have something for you!¡±If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    He said nothing.


    I held out another white blanket I had sewed for him. This time, it was not crooked and ugly because I had been practicing so much.


    He took it expressionlessly with tears glistening in his eyes. He placed a hand on my cheek and kissed my forehead before leaving wordlessly.


    He locked himself in his room that night and didn¡¯t come out.


    __


    I knocked on his door early in the morning, begging to speak to him again, but he did not answer, and so I left.


    Time passed, and later in the morning, he still had not come out of his room. I begged him once again, ¡°Paris! Paris, open the door¡­ Talk to me¡­¡±


    My mind suddenly turned to his wrists and I panicked. ¡°Paris! Open the door! Paris?¡±


    I wildly pounded my fists on the door with tears in my eyes and then I fetched Paul. ¡°Paul, please open the door!¡±


    ¡°My Lady, the king told me he was tired and not to disturb him¡­ He has been having trouble sleeping of late.¡± Paul said to me.


    ¡°Open the damned door!¡± I yelled.


    Paul obeyed without another word and the door revealed Paris lying in bed with cut wrists.


    I screamed in horror. ¡°Quickly, get the physician!¡±


    Paul hurried and left. I sat next to Paris whose eyes were glazing over fast. ¡°Paris, how could you do this? You must listen to me, I only kissed Caerwyn. Nothing else happened. And even if it did, this hard work¡­ Everything you have done for this kingdom has been you, not me. It doesn¡¯t matter whether you stay married to me or not, you have the love of the people in this kingdom. You don¡¯t need me. You don¡¯t need my love to survive.¡±


    He barely turned his head enough to look at me, and his eyes lingered on the sapphire around my neck as he finally realized who had given it to me.


    I sobbed and laid my head on his chest. ¡°Damn you! You promised me you wouldn¡¯t do this again!¡±


    Lara arrived and bound Paris¡¯ wounds as best she could, but she said calmly, ¡°he¡¯s lost too much blood. He¡¯s going to die.¡±


    I promised Meridi we wouldn¡¯t resort to Terry if we could help it, but I had no choice. I told Lara to leave and Paul to fetch Terry while I repeatedly smoothed Paris¡¯ hair back and kissed his forehead. ¡°Why can¡¯t you see in you what I do? Why can¡¯t you see how sweet and wonderful you are?¡±


    I thought he was dead as his eyes stared soullessly at the sapphire around my neck. I couldn¡¯t stop crying and loathing myself as I wept on his chest.


    But then Terry arrived with his golden magic in tow. He said worriedly, ¡°God, I don¡¯t know how to trigger these powers.¡±


    Terry told me he had been visiting Meridi late at night and she had been attempting to try and teach him how to activate his magic the way a moth would, but it wasn¡¯t working very well.


    But he nonetheless rushed to Paris¡¯ side and put a hand on his bound wrist. The red-headed boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ¡°I will try to think of good and happy things, perhaps that will trigger it.¡±


    I moved away from Paris momentarily and gave him and Terry space.


    Moments passed and nothing happened.


    I gasped with a sob and turned away, weeping in Paul¡¯s arms.


    But then, blissfully, golden magic poured from Terry¡¯s hands and enveloped Paris¡¯ wrists. The blood that stained his wrists flowed back into his body and the magic stitched up his wounds.


    I grinned and laughed with relief as life came back to his eyes and I eagerly threw myself into his arms. Terry and Paul left us, and I kissed his face repeatedly.


    ¡°You promised you¡¯d never do that to me! You promised!¡± I wept until my eyes hurt from it.


    He said nothing except, ¡°If you love that man, you can go be with him. I¡¯m sure you¡¯d be happier.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m perfectly happy right here!¡± I assured him. ¡°I want you!¡±


    He said miserably. ¡°I live in a cage of self-hatred, Mimi. I don¡¯t want you to become locked in it with me.¡±


    ¡°I have the key!¡± I cried. ¡°I¡¯ll let you out!¡±


    I tried once again to coax the dove out of his head to no avail, but I was content just being in his arms for the moment.


    He forgave me for that incident, and we never spoke of it again.


    As a year passed, things were beautiful between me and Paris and between the humans and moths in Nui. So much so that I was ready to ask Paris to free the slaves.


    All was well.

 Chapter 62

    Envenheim 182


    The year had passed so cheerfully, as I wrote before, and I am sorry I have not been writing consistently, my diary. I shall report the good and happy things that have happened this year, my diary!


    Terry was going strong with that lovely peasant girl he had met at the ball, Paul was outgoing and more talkative than usual, Meridi was her usual odd, but charming self when I saw her, and Paris was the happiest I had ever seen him. I was the happiest I had been in a long time, too.


    How content I was to spend many a day with the people of Nui who were quickly becoming family. How amazing it was to see moths and humans begin to trust each other so much that humans began to take them everywhere in public. How wonderful it was to have lovely days where I could just lie on Paris¡¯ chest and sleep with him in the garden.


    Nui was made into the warm place I had once remembered it being.


    Sometimes, I would still get very sad when I thought of Caerwyn and my family.


    I remembered each and every one of my family¡¯s faces so well. Sometimes I felt like I was still a child, and when I woke up, Gerta and Kieran and Mother and Father would all be there to greet me. That was how much Nui was beginning to feel like home again, and when I realized my family was gone, I would feel a sinking sadness in my stomach.


    And Caerwyn. Poor Caerwyn. He had broken his vows for that kiss. I wanted so badly to run away with him. I loved him with all my heart, but I had to stay where I could do the most good. I would never forget his sweetness and I would always love him for being the one man in the world who cared enough to rescue me. On somedays, I would pine for him endlessly, and I would force myself to find Paris and seek refuge from my desires in his arms.


    Terry, of course, was ever my finest friend and my true platonic love. Paris and Caerwyn could abandon me, but Terry promised he¡¯d follow me to hell and back again.


    ¡°Once you become on of the Queen¡¯s Faithful, you never go back!¡± Terry announced proudly.


    There was no boy sweeter in the whole world.Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    Terry told me that, at night, Meridi was helping him learn how to trigger his powers. He informed me that Meridi had had yet another dream where Hypthos instructed her more about the kind of powers Terry had.


    ¡°He can heal anyone but himself, but he cannot heal wounds that are too old, and he cannot regrow severed limbs. Hypthos also told me that he has more magic that can be used to harm others, but he does not know how Terry can activate it.¡± Meridi told me one night when I visited her. ¡°I¡¯ll keep trying to teach him.¡±


    And the day finally came when I was brave enough to ask Paris to free the slaves. I said to him while we were lying under the blue sky in the garden, ¡°Paris, doesn¡¯t Nui feel like family?¡±


    He nodded. ¡°It does.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think it feels wrong to keep family as slaves?¡± I asked him dazedly.


    There was a long pause, and he finally said, ¡°it does. Shall we free your people, my dear?¡±


    I rolled on top of him and nodded vigorously. ¡°We should.¡±


    And that very day, against the wishes of his advisors, he announced that the moths of Nui were free. Many of them chose to stay as servants to their human masters because it was now the life they knew, but some of them chose to do other things like opening up their own shops. Tensions were high at first, of course, and I had to mediate often between humans and moths to make sure things transitioned smoothly, but otherwise, we were met with almost no resistance. Moths and humans remained grand friends in Nui.


    And everything was beautiful, until it wasn¡¯t.


    __


    Nobody expected, least of all me, nor was prepared for what happened next in Nui. As I am locked away, I have nothing better to do than recount the horrible events leading up to my current, heartbreaking situation.


    King Torr and Peter marched with an army that dwarfed Nui¡¯s into the city unannounced.


    Torr said to Paris with the blackest eyes I had ever seen, ¡°I heard you freed your slaves¡­ It appears I made a mistake when I gave Nui to you. I will take it back forcefully if necessary, and you know Ironwall will decimate a tiny kingdom like Nui. You¡¯d better just give it to us.¡±


    Paris was speechless. I clung to him fearfully.


    ¡°Oh yes, and we¡¯re taking your Catalydd and your pretty wife as well. Peter wants her.¡± King Torr nodded to Peter and the tall man seized my arm roughly. Terry, who was standing with us unsheathed his blade and stabbed the first soldier who engaged him effortlessly but was overcome easily when a dozen more knight engaged him.


    I screamed and kicked Peter while I reached out to Paris and tried to escape the tight hold he had around my stomach. ¡°Rally the knights Paris! You can¡¯t just throw all our hard work away!¡±


    He was paralyzed with fear as he always was around his family. He looked at me desperately with tears stinging his eyes but could say nothing.


    I screwed my eyes shut and spat in a fearful rage. ¡°You¡¯re a fucking coward!¡±


    Peter hauled me and Terry away, and the last thing I saw of Paris was him falling to his knees in heartbreak, hanging his head.

 Chapter 63

    The moth gods gathered in the dark and pleasant wooded realm of desire. All of the six major gods attended the meeting. There was Halotyne, the Goddess of the Sea, Hypthos, the God of the Sun, Rala, the Goddess of Light, Amser, the Goddess of Fate, Tyre, the God of Nature, and Haran, the God of Darkness.


    They sat in a circle and Rala called the meeting to order. ¡°We are all well aware that the lustful god has the Catalydd. He unfortunately gained knowledge about where he was when the Catalydd healed the wounds of the king of Nui. The man, Paris, has a dove in his head which the lustful god uses to spy on others with as well as using it to warp the minds of men. And, unfortunately, the lustful god has also found another vessel; the king of Ironwall¡ªa fairly gray man who is a good king, and yet a horrible father. I assume we are all at odds on which kingdom we wish to capture the Catalydd and rule the other kingdoms?¡±


    ¡°We are, Sister.¡± Haran answered. ¡°We all have our favorite kingdoms. Unfortunately, none of us can support the moths in this as they are all slaves. The moths in Nui are once again enslaved due to it being reoccupied by Ironwall. But moths will be the losing side regardless. Will we all be at war soon?¡±


    There was silence among the gods until Halotyne said for all of them, ¡°I believe when we adjourn, we will have no pleasant talks until one of the kingdoms reigns supreme over the others.¡±


    Rala sighed. ¡°We can never agree on anything, can we? I shall throw my support in for the women of Artesia.¡±


    ¡°An unsurprising vote from you, Sister. You always did hate your husband for making eyes at anything with the female form.¡± Haran teased her. ¡°To think you had a hand both in killing him and sending your own son to the underworld. I will support Bellford far to the south.¡±


    Rala was furious. ¡°My husband was a fool and my son was dangerous. They both needed to die. My son, unfortunately, has the power of an undying cult to support him where my husband did not. It is a good thing I blessed every woman with the power to repel him and his undying lust.¡±


    ¡°What about you, Halotyne? Who will you support?¡± Tyre queried.


    Halotyne leaned back thoughtfully. ¡°Nui. I will support Nui. There is a girl there I am quite fond of, just as I was quite fond of her mother. And you, Tyre?¡±This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    ¡°I will support Lowen. And we already know that Hypthos is supporting Gracet.¡± Tyre answered.


    There was silence among the gods for a moment before Rala spoke. ¡°The death toll for the mortals will be outrageous when all is said and done¡­ This is my fault. Perhaps we should all focus on killing my son instead of choosing sides to back.¡±


    Hypthos spoke up. ¡°We are set in the kingdoms we love, Rala. We will not come together on this.¡±


    Rala was tired of fighting and interfering in mortal affairs. She always felt like a villain. She wished, for once, that the sprites could come together on something for the sake of the mortals.


    Rala looked down with a heavy sigh. ¡°Do you all remember in the beginning? When things were so simple? We were not thought of as gods at all¡­ We were just sprites; the first things born on this world. We were so few, though, and when the moths were born, they were so plentiful. We began to look like gods to them, although we are merely very powerful beings blessed with wonderful gifts. I want things to be simple again. I don¡¯t want us to end up killing all the mortals like we once did so long ago. There were only a few mortals left by the end of the last war we intervened in to repopulate. It is not too late for us all to go back to sleep and let my son do as he pleases with the mortals. The death toll might be much less that way.¡±


    The gods frowned intently, and, despite the realm of desire always being a warm and pleasant place to be, they were all very uncomfortable.


    Amser said, ¡°there is nothing to be done. Even if we all agree not to intervene, we all know we will do so anyway¡ªaside from me of course. Shall we lay down some rules? Or should anything go?¡±


    Rala said, shooting a glare at Hypthos, ¡°I know Hypthos has already cheated and chosen a prophetess, so I say we all choose prophets and prophetesses, but otherwise we should not physically appear before any humans or moths. Let us use our mighty powers on the battlefield, but not make our support or presence known.¡±


    All the gods agreed to this rule.


    And the gods, or sprites as they originally were, dispersed and went their separate ways.


    __


    Halotyne had agreed to the proposal, but¡­ She supposed she could bend the rules a little. In the guise of an old woman, she went to all the kingdoms and spoke to the moths and humans alike in many taverns and told them of Nui, Mimi, and Paris.


    ¡°There is a woman¡­ The kindest woman who ever graced this earth, that has brought moths and humans together. Let me tell you her story. Let me tell you how much she has suffered to accomplish a grand thing.¡± And Halotyne related her story to anyone willing to listen.


    Halotyne had few mortals she loved, but Mimi and her mother were two of them, and she was willing to fight for them. She would have made Mimi her prophetess, but the girl had lost faith in the moth gods, and only someone who had faith in them could be their prophet or prophetess. She aided her in a different way instead.

 Chapter 64

    Envenheim 182


    And so here I am again, my diary. A captive for the third time in my life riding in a carriage with a man I hate back to Ironwall. I¡¯m so sick and tired of being helpless. I¡¯m so sick and tired of always being worried; of always feeling nervous and afraid¡ªof being treated like property.


    I¡¯m sick and tired of always being kind when others never return the favor.


    You¡¯re a fool if you expect other people to be as decent as you¡­ Meridi¡¯s voice echoed in my mind as we rode through Nui to the west where Ironwall lay.


    God, she was right. What was the point of being decent? It had gotten me nowhere. Cruelty always won in the end. It had gotten Peter and King Torr everything they wanted in so little time, whereas being kind only got me something within an entire year¡¯s time, only to have it taken away immediately.


    Peter.


    There was never a man or woman in my entire life who I had met who I thought had no redeeming qualities. None but Peter.


    The man seemed to have no heart, no soul. He had no compassion or love in his heart for anything or anyone, least of all me¡ªa moth girl who he considered to be property.


    Rain pattered heavily down upon the roof of the carriage as he sat across from me and I avoided his gaze as best I could. I supposed Peter really didn¡¯t care who had Nui after all, so long as it wasn¡¯t Paris. I guess he couldn¡¯t stand the idea of Paris being loved as a king more than Peter was as a prince/


    Peter told me with a smirk, ¡°you¡¯ll be such a fine mistress.¡±


    I looked down expressionlessly. I saw the ruby ring Paris had bought for me with a sinking feeling in my stomach. Sadness welled in my eyes and I sniffled. I missed him so much already. I couldn¡¯t believe the last words I had said to him.


    ¡°Cheer up, beast. Being my whore will be far better than being my worthless brother¡¯s wife.¡± Peter mocked me heartlessly.


    ¡°Shall we get started now?¡±


    I barely heard him. I had withdrawn from the situation.


    I looked up silently and met his cruel eyes. All I could say was, ¡°no woman would ever love to be your mistress--much less your wife. You¡¯re pathetic.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll change your mind.¡± He kissed me and held me there by pinning two of my arms against the carriage until I bit his lip, pushed him away with my other two arms and swung the door of the carriage open--unafraid for my own safety and thinking that nothing could be worse than being this man¡¯s slave.


    I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me from the marching army of Ironwall.


    Many soldiers saw me running and immediately gave chase.


    I heard Peter yell with a low growl, ¡°grab that whore! Bring her to me unharmed!¡±


    There was nowhere to hide. There was nothing but green plains for miles around. There were no thickets, no forests, no mountains¡ªnothing. And so I simply kept running in the opposite direction of the soldiers. The grass was wet from the heavy rain and was freezing my ankles.


    The rain went from heavy to abnormally heavy and water dropped mercilessly down onto my fur and froze it. With the on pour came a mist which obscured me from the soldiers, which I was grateful for.


    I could hear armor clinking behind me, but I could no longer spot the soldiers due to the mist.


    This might be my one chance at escape. I pushed myself to run faster¡ªall the while I heard yelling behind me over the pouring rain.


    ¡°You best come back, beast. The only thing the prince treats worse than his playthings, is his soldiers when he gets bored of his playthings.¡± One of them said through the heavy rain.


    I screwed my eyes shut and tried not to think of my fate if I were caught. I pushed my sore legs harder.


    ¡°I can¡¯t see a damn thing. Maybe if we just wounded her¡­¡± One of the soldiers suggested.


    ¡°You never wound one of the prince¡¯s playthings. He¡¯ll have your head. He does plenty of that himself.¡± Another interrupted.


    I kept running with my heart thumping in my ears. I couldn¡¯t see where I was going through the mist and I slid on wet mud and tumbled down a short, grassy incline¡ªtwisting my ankle.


    I gasped and breathed harshly. Fearful tears graced my eyes as my heart pounded ever louder in my ears.


    ¡°Did you hear that? I think she fell! This way!¡± I heard another soldier say.


    I pushed myself to my feet through sheer force of will and my ankle stung as I attempted to continue trotting. I heard the soldiers¡¯ clinking armor as they slid down the incline after me.This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    I felt my leg splash through water that I could not see and realized I must be by a river.


    The clinking armor was getting closer, and still I pushed myself to run as fast as I could.


    ¡°There¡¯s nowhere to hide, beast. You may as well come back. If you behave, Peter won¡¯t hurt you as much.¡± A knight promised me.


    I shivered as rain fell in my eyes and I slipped and fell forward. I closed my eyes and cursed with my heart aching from grief.


    I lay there for a moment and realized it was over.


    In a moment, I was surrounded by six soldiers of Ironwall who hauled me to my feet and carried me easily back to Peter.


    To get revenge on me, he had his soldiers hold me still while he kissed me uninterrupted for what felt like a horrendous and humiliating eternity.


    ¡°I see what Paris likes about you.¡± Peter said with a grin. ¡°You¡¯re soft, but you¡¯ve got a mind of your own. How much work did it take to manipulate him into freeing the slaves in Nui? Of course you changed his mind using your body as all women do, but you managed to get into his head as well. How talented you must be to accomplish such a feat.¡±


    With a motion of his hand, Peter commanded his soldiers to drop me to the ground, and then he hauled me to my feet and roughly held me close. ¡°Let me see if there¡¯s anything special about holding you in my arms.¡±


    I trembled as he hugged me suffocatingly close.


    ¡°There is something special¡­¡± He whispered passionately. ¡°There¡¯s something very comforting about holding you.¡±


    I had enough. With scream of rage I pushed him away with my four arms and I tried to run again but the soldiers had me surrounded and grabbed me easily.


    Peter merely grinned. ¡°She is feisty indeed! Why don¡¯t you all have a go at her? You¡¯ll see what I mean when you kiss her! She is soft like no other woman!¡±


    My diary, my hand trembles as I write these wretched words down. I have so much trouble even daring to bring this moment back to mind. My feelings are indescribable about it. It was a mixture of horror, disgust, and shock at just how wrong I was about people. I always thought people were good deep down, regardless of how poorly they acted at times. It was the wishful thinking of that sweet fifteen-year-old girl who got left behind in that cage.


    God, I was wrong. I was so wrong. People aren¡¯t good deep down. They take what they desire, and they don¡¯t care who they hurt.


    I once thought that God made humans and moths imperfect because He wanted to see them rise above their base instincts. He gave them all the tools to do so, and I, like a fool, thought that humans and moths had indeed come to a point where they rose above their base instincts and became something greater than animals.


    I was proved wrong that day.


    Humans and moths are both filthy animals and I never should have had faith in them. To think I once thought they could get along; to think I loved them both at one point and had spent so much time trying to bring them together.


    Yes, they passed me around--they didn''t even need the prompting of the black eyes to do it. They kissed me and tore at my dress until I was nearly naked and shivering in the rain.


    The men looked very shocked at what they had done to me when they came to their senses, and silence split the air as all of the soldiers frowned and looked horrified at what they just did.


    They would never have my forgiveness and I hoped they would suffer as much as I would with this memory.


    I can write no more.


    __


    Rulaheim 182


    Peter pinned me against the wall in his quarters when we arrived at Castle Ironwall four months later. I stared ahead expressionlessly and could find no strength to fight back.


    These quarters were gigantic compared to my quarters at Nui, but they were as tacky as Peter was and had an ugly striped, black rug adorning the floor. The room was a mess at the moment as the knights were told by Peter to merely dump all my belongings from Nui on the floor and then to leave us.


    ¡°You know,¡± he said to me with a hideous grin. ¡°I think I¡¯ll marry you. I think you¡¯re the whore I want to keep for life.¡±


    I said nothing, but I eyed my belongings out of the corner of my eye. I saw the tip of Terry¡¯s sword peeking out from under a lot of dresses.


    I moved away from him with a grin of my own and clasped my hands behind my back. ¡°You¡¯ll have to catch me first!¡±


    I laid on the pile of clothes and he fell down after me, stroking my face roughly.


    ¡°You¡¯re fun when you play hard to get.¡± Peter told me and kissed me.


    His grunt fury pierced the air as I grabbed Terry¡¯s sword and plunged it into his right arm. I ran for the door, swung it open, and made a sharp turn down the hall to my right.


    Peter yelled at a soldier patrolling the hall to get me and then to fetch Terry.


    I ran down the stairs to a lower level of the castle, but the guard had gained on me quickly and grabbed me around my torso.


    I kicked him as hard as I could to no avail. He dragged me back to Peter who used his undamaged arm to slap me hard across the face.


    I felt hopelessness overcome me, and I hung my head low while clenching my fists.


    Terry arrived in a moment, bound in many chains and accompanied by several guards. The boy had several bruises and cuts of his own, and one of the guards shoved him forward toward Peter. ¡°Heal him.¡±


    I smiled at Terry tearfully.


    No matter how bad things became, just seeing that kind boy made me happy. Terry smiled back at me momentarily as he realized I had used his sword to defend myself. He chuckled a little sadly. ¡°You had it in you after all¡­¡±


    ¡°Heal me!¡± Peter screeched.


    Terry made no move to do so.


    The guards all pointed their lances threateningly at him, however, and I said to Terry, ¡°just do it¡­¡±


    Reluctantly, he did so. He hands glowed with otherworldly golden light and Peter¡¯s deep wound was healed completely.


    I reached out a hand to Terry. ¡°Terry, it¡¯s so good to see you--!¡±


    Terry reach toward me, too, and he hand glowed with otherworldly light.


    But he was hauled away again after that and I was locked the room alone with Peter. Terry¡¯s sword was now out of reach and I did not know its location.


    Peter stared at me silently, and I stared back fearlessly. ¡°You¡¯ll pay for that. I¡¯m going to lock you in here forever, and you will only serve one purpose. I¡¯ll return later¡ªI have business to take care of.¡±


    Peter opened the door and then locked it behind him.


    He yelled at the guard outside, ¡°no one will touch her but me, you understand? She is only mine from now on. Get me the best eunuch available to guard her door so I know no one else has touched her!¡±


    I was locked in there for the rest of the day. I sat on the floor next to the bed and laid my head on it wordlessly and emotionlessly as rain pattered above my head.


    I have tried so hard to have convictions, my diary. I have tried so hard to be faithful and passionate, and yet I have been made to suffer so unduly.


    I have so little faith left.


    I do not know why I even bother to write in you anymore, my diary. You are one of my surviving possessions, however. Perhaps God meant me to have you so that I may always have a friend.

 Chapter 65

    Rulaheim 182


    It was so lonely sitting in those quarters, however large and wealthy they might be, for hours on end. Your mind begins to think ugly thoughts. It begins to think that you deserve to be in that room, because what other reason would you have been locked up, other than that you are a monster or that you deserve it?


    I sat on the floor and lay my head listlessly on the bed, waiting for Peter to come back and abuse me. I would rather sit in silence the rest of my life than have that wretched man come in and defile me.


    As rain continued to drip endlessly overhead, I heard the door click. I froze in terror.


    I crawled under the bed and peered out from under it as it swung open and revealed Peter¡¯s boots standing in the doorway.


    My heart beat faster and with some amount of comfort when I recognized Caerwyn¡¯s distinctive feminine voice.


    ¡°You will guard her door all day, every day, templar. You will guard her when she needs to eat, when she needs to use the garderobe, and you will otherwise keep her in here unless I command you otherwise.¡± Peter commanded.


    ¡°Your Highness, I do not mean to overstep any boundaries, but this is cruel. Let the girl go. This is torture.¡± Caerwyn pleaded.


    ¡°You are here to follow orders, templar. Am I not the son of the anointed king?¡± Peter reminded him.


    ¡°You are, but¡­¡± Caerwyn protested.


    ¡°Do your job, and make sure nobody bothers me while this door is shut.¡± Peter said adamantly and then entered his quarters and shut the door.


    I screwed my eyes shut and tried not to make a sound.


    He whistled as he patrolled the room.


    ¡°Where did you go¡­¡± Peter asked in a sing-song voice. ¡°You can¡¯t have gone far¡­¡±


    I heard his boots scuffling about the room for a long time.


    I dared to open my eyes to see his boots moving around the room while he whistled. He stopped in front of the desk, and then he walked around the bed until his boots halted in front of it and I held my breath.


    He collapsed onto his belly and looked me right in the face with a hideous grin. ¡°There you are!¡±


    He seized one of my wrists and pulled me out from under the bed with my wrist throbbing in pain. He wasted no time and pinned me struggling to the bed.


    In a vain attempt, I tried to calm Peter like I had Paris. I put one of my free hands on his cheek and tried to make him see I was a person with feelings. ¡°Peter please stop! I know you can¡¯t be this much of a monster!¡±


    But he was a monster. He bit my lip with frenzied, mad eyes and I saw nothing but a beast looking back at me.


    I screamed at the top of my lungs, ¡°help me! Somebody help me!¡±


    The door swung opened gently. ¡°Your Highness, King Torr was looking for you.¡±


    Peter turned his head and faced Caerwyn while I wept beneath him. ¡°Did I not say you were not allowed to bother me?¡±


    ¡°He says it¡¯s urgent.¡± Caerwyn answered calmly.


    Peter groaned with the most frightening and mad eyes I had ever seen. He kissed my cheek. ¡°We¡¯ll play later, then.¡±


    He straightened his clothes and left the room.


    Caerwyn waited until he was gone to enter. He swiftly shut the door behind him. I ran into his arms and sniffled. ¡°I¡¯m so scared Caerwyn. I can¡¯t help this man! There is nothing good in him!¡±


    ¡°Are you hurt?¡± He was concerned and looked at my ripped dress with nothing but compassion in his eyes. ¡°What kind of monster could do this to a woman?¡±


    He took a deep and consternated breath at the state I was in.


    ¡°I have to get you out of here. I can try to make a door to a place where you¡¯ll be safe, and then I have to come back.¡±


    ¡°What? Why can¡¯t you come with me?¡± I demanded.


    ¡°Sweet girl, there is a war to be fought for Ironwall¡ªa war fought for no other reason than the two kings on each side want more power. All the kingdoms know about Terry now through word of mouth and want to get their hands on him. In just a week, I must set out to join the soldiers on the battlefield in the war against Lowen to the northeast as King Torr commands. It is a templar¡¯s duty to help his kingdom in such dire times and I can¡¯t abandon them.¡±


    ¡°All the kingdoms are readying for war and King Torr intends to defeat and rule all of them. They have all stumbled upon moths who have grand powers and who are calling themselves prophets and prophetesses and all the kings are aiming to use them to capture Terry and rule the other kingdoms.¡± Caerwyn told me while he ran a nervous and trembling hand through my fur. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me before that Terry had such grand powers?¡±Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    My eyes flitted back and forth. This was a nightmare come to life, and I had no idea what to do. ¡°It was too dangerous to tell you with Paris and everyone else around. Caerwyn, is there any news of Nui? Is¡­ Is Paris fighting back the occupation? Is he coming to get me?¡±


    Caerwyn looked away. ¡°There is no sign of that¡­ Last I heard, Paris was thrown in the dungeon for treason along with the many citizens and soldiers loyal to you and him.¡±


    I looked down at the ruby ring on my finger and sank to the floor in misery. ¡°The last thing I told him was awful¡­ I knew he could do nothing with Nui¡¯s small army, and yet I said that awful thing to him¡­¡±


    I hugged my knees while sniffling. Caerwyn sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. He said a little jealously, ¡°you really do love him, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°I love you both! That¡¯s the problem! This is all my fault! Can¡¯t you see I have put my faith in the wrong god? The moth gods are punishing me once again because I have a black soul and have treated you and Paris so poorly! He almost killed himself because of me!¡± I buried my head in my knees and fell into a familiar pit of misery where nothing but a cloud of dark thoughts existed.


    ¡°You have not put your faith in the wrong god. Remember what I said, you must always have faith, even when it is hard to have it. If Paris decided to try and throw away the most precious thing he has, it is because he has not been taught its value. That has nothing to do with you.¡± Caerwyn assured me.


    I looked up intently and stared Caerwyn in his green eyes. My faith and convictions were sparked a little once again. I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. I asked him, ¡°can you make a door back to Nui? I want to¡­ I want to help Paris.¡±


    Caerwyn shook his head. ¡°I will do no such thing. It is far too dangerous for you there¡­ I shall take you to a safe place.¡±


    ¡°If you will not take me to Paris, then I want to be of use! I don¡¯t want you to send me somewhere where I¡¯ll be safe! I don¡¯t want you and Terry to go to war and die! I¡¯m a physician! Help me convince Peter to let me come with you to the battlefield at least!¡± I spluttered and wept hysterically.


    I felt so useless. I could do nothing to save or help any of the men in my life; Paris said long ago that his life was expendable in favor of mine. I saw that trend too often; Paul had taken a dozen arrows so that I might live. Caerwyn undertook a long and dangerous journey where he could have died to save a complete stranger. Terry leapt in front of me once and blocked a blow he could have died from to protect me.


    Men were ever tools to be used to lay down their lives and their women were always left behind to mourn them.


    I was sick of them thinking that. They weren¡¯t tools to me, nor were they shields to hide behind in the event of an attack. They were just as valuable to me as any woman.


    But Caerwyn took me in his arms and shushed my hysterical sobbing and begging. ¡°Mimi, if anyone lives through the oncoming war, I want it to be you. I will get you to safety; there are some woods to the south of here that humans and moths alike believe is cursed, but they are not. I go there when I need a moment of silence. There is fresh water there and fish to eat. You can live there safely until the world is done fighting over Terry. I just wish I could go with you, but I can¡¯t leave Terry alone, and I can¡¯t abandon Ironwall.¡±


    I cried defiantly, ¡°let me come with you! I want to be on the battlefield to help! I¡­ I know how to bind wounds! I know how to treat them! You just have to tell Peter!¡±


    Caerwyn shook his head sympathetically and admonished me, ¡°I will never allow it. I¡¯m going to make sure you are safe, with or without your permission.¡±


    Caerwyn held his hand out and made the shape of a door in the air.


    It did not appear.


    Caerwyn panicked. ¡°Why? Why now? I need a door!¡±


    He tried several more times, but the door did not appear. Caerwyn looked stunned and expressionless.


    I was happy and afraid about that. Happy I could stay with my friends, but afraid that there was no way out.


    Caerwyn was far more distraught than I was. He fell to his knees in shock. I said to him, ¡°then I am meant to do something here. I am meant to help you and Terry in some way.¡±


    Caerwyn looked very angry and placed his hands on my shoulders. ¡°Don¡¯t you understand, Mimi? That¡­ That monster is going to keep you in here if you stay. He¡¯s going to marry you and I won¡¯t be around much longer to protect you from what he will do! You¡¯re going to be hurt immeasurably¡­¡±


    I lowered my eyes as he ran an index finger down my cheek.


    I said quietly, ¡°I¡­ I have already been hurt immeasurably¡­ Terry was there to save me, and now we have to save him somehow. We must find a way to convince Peter to let me come to the battlefield with you. I think that¡¯s what God wants.¡±


    Caerwyn turned his back to me in frustration. ¡°You will not! I must find a way to get you out of here now! You know what will happen if I don¡¯t! It will ruin you, and I can¡¯t live with that!¡±


    I turned him around and told him determinedly, ¡°but I can! I¡­¡±


    I sank to my knees and clenched my fists on them. ¡°I¡¯m sick and tired of being helpless and useless! I¡¯m sick and tired of everyone threatening to leave me alone in this world! I¡¯m willing to pay the price to stay with you all until the end!¡±


    Caerwyn gazed at me with a pained look on his face. After that he turned his back to me again and slammed his fists on the wall. ¡°Damn you! You have done enough for all of us! Now you expect me to stand by while that man--! Don¡¯t you understand that laying my life down for you is a small price for what you have done for me? If I must kill myself to get you out of here so you can be safe, I will do so.¡±


    I linked my arms around him and leaned my head against his back. ¡°I don¡¯t understand. Not at all. I don¡¯t understand how a man could be so decent that he would ride for miles for a woman he never met¡ªone his people consider a monster¡ªand rescue her.¡±


    I heard him swallow a lump in his throat. ¡°That is nothing compared to what you did for me; you showed me what it is to be on fire with love and passion. I thought I was not fit to be a man, I thought I had none of their aggressions or passions, but you proved me wrong! There is no greater feeling in the world than to be in love.¡±


    ¡°Caerwyn, look at me.¡± I demanded as rain ever pattered above our head and made the air moist and miserable.


    Slowly, he turned around and looked me in the eyes.


    I mustered my brightest smile. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine. We¡¯ll all be together again¡ªme, you, and Terry on the battlefield.¡±


    And Caerwyn knew as well as I, that, without his door¡ªwithout some kind of miracle¡ªthere was no way for me to leave the castle unnoticed without both of us being killed.


    Caerwyn took a deep breath before saying, ¡°I can at least talk to the head priest Leon. I have already told him what has become of you, and he is having talks with King Torr as we speak in an attempt to get you out of Peter¡¯s grasp. I will tell Leon you wish to join us on the battlefield, and I pray that he will find a way to convince Torr to let you out of these quarters before¡­ Before¡­¡±


    He could say no more without his voice choking. I embraced him one last time before he left the room.


    And here I sit, my diary, writing in you and wondering just how I will get through the future without my mind and soul being destroyed. I have found a way to think of it; my body might be defiled, but Peter can never touch my soul.


    Who knows. Perhaps Leon can figure out a way to get me out of Peter¡¯s grasp before he touches me.

 Chapter 66

    Rulaheim 182


    As I wait for Peter to return, I have decided to write what I know of his personality in you, my diary, to better get what I want out of him.


    Cruel.


    Abrasive.


    Disgusting.


    Jealous.


    Passionate.


    Greedy.


    Rude.


    Ah, this isn¡¯t very helpful. He has almost no good traits other than being passionate. And even then he is passionate about the wrong things. Perhaps if I try to match him at his own level¡­ Perhaps if I am as cruel to him as he is to me, he will send me to the battlefield just to get rid of me, but I have no means to be as cruel as him, and might not be able to even if I did.


    I can¡¯t stop trembling, my diary. I am so afraid. I am a mess of frayed nerves.


    Suddenly, the door opened again to reveal Caerwyn only a few minutes after he had left, and he said hurriedly in a hushed voice, ¡°I have to try to get you out of here. No protesting. Peter is returning swiftly and must have realized I told him a lie when I said Torr wanted to see him.¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°Caerwyn, you will only get the two of us into trouble. We¡¯ve been through this; we will only be caught and maybe even killed.¡±


    ¡°Mimi, if you do not let me try, I will never be able to live with myself.¡± Caerwyn informed me determinedly.


    I knew I should have refused. I knew the best thing for us was to hope Leon could get me out of this situation; I knew the likelihood of us getting caught was too great a risk, but when I thought of that man¡ªthat wild beast¡ªand what he would do to me, I could think of nothing but escape.


    Caerwyn silently stepped toward me and said, ¡°I will say I am merely taking you to the garderobe, and then I will give you this cloak, and we will run for the exit.¡±


    There was a long moment of hesitation for me as I tried to decide what to do. I wanted to say no, but¡­


    But into my mind was projected an image of Peter¡¯s ravenous eyes and his clawing hands, and I couldn¡¯t refuse.


    We stepped out of the room together, and the guard down the hall asked us, ¡°taking her to the garderobe?¡±


    Caerwyn nodded. ¡°Yes.¡±


    And the guard thankfully went about his business and trusted Caerwyn not to run away with me.


    Caerwyn led me downstairs casually and was good at pretending like nothing was wrong. I was not. My heart was thumping the whole time. Caerwyn made a right down the hallway and we stopped in front of the garderobe¡¯s wooden door.


    Caerwyn told me to go in, and then he slipped a black cloak under the door. I donned it, waited until Caerwyn knocked on the door, and then left the garderobe while a guard down the hall had his back turned to us.


    Many guards we brushed past calmly looked at Caerwyn and me suspiciously as we went. Some asked Caerwyn where he was going, and he replied that Peter agreed to give him a break temporarily. He lied and said I was his sister who had sneaked out to visit him and now he had to take me back home.


    These were not like the guards at castle Nui who were ordered to be delicate with me and not to harm me and weren''t as attentive as they should have been; they were on the lookout for anything suspicious and told to be rough if they saw me escaping. Peter was clearly a man who all his guards feared. They were determined not to fail his orders and were particularly attentive.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    We went down a flight of spiral stairs further down the hallway where we sped up our pace a little.


    When we emerged on the ground floor of the castle, a guard immediately noticed us and unfortunately saw enough of my face to realize who I was. ¡°Halt! Isn¡¯t that Peter¡¯s¡­?¡±


    Caerwyn sped up while dragging me along with him.


    The guard blew a horn and was joined by a dozen others. I heard him yell, ¡°the templar has the prince¡¯s mistress!¡±


    Caerwyn headed straight as fast as he could toward the entrance of the castle¡ªstill dragging me by my wrist which was beginning to throb in pain¡ªit was so close! I could imagine bursting through the door and being safe from Peter¡¯s cruel hands!


    But there were two more guards in front of it who pointed their lances at us.


    Caerwyn unsheathed his blade, ready to fight, but I yelled, ¡°no Caerwyn! It¡¯s over!¡±


    A dozen guards had us surrounded, and soon enough, Peter himself showed up looking furious. His face went from furious to smug in a moment.


    He laughed at Caerwyn. ¡°Are you in love with her? I can¡¯t believe it. Raul said he thought you were while we were in Nui, but I didn¡¯t believe him. You are fit for no woman, eunuch. Not even a beast like her. She is mine, anyway, and I will have you hanged for this.¡±


    I turned to Peter pleadingly, ¡°don¡¯t have him hanged! This was all my idea! I just wanted to be married to you first before¡ª¡±


    Peter slapped me across the face. ¡°You will speak only when I tell you to.¡±


    Caerwyn slammed his fist into Peter¡¯s face he stumbled backward. He had a bloodied lip as he gazed upon Caerwyn in fury. He wiped his lip.


    He ordered his guards to throw Caerwyn in the dungeon, and he took me roughly by the shoulder.


    __


    Peter threw me onto the bed into his quarters angrily.


    I automatically leaned away from him as he tried to kiss me.


    I reached out, trying to calm the trembling of my hands, and placed them on his arms while begging him, ¡°let¡¯s get married first.¡±


    He was not to be reasoned with, however, and he ignored my suggestion and began kissing me instead. I bit his lip and leapt off the bed. His face was shadowy and he looked for all the world like a demon ready to pounce upon me with his teeth clenched in rage.


    My mind was awhirl with fear. My legs felt weak, and I was a sweaty mess. I had no idea what to say or do and I knew I wouldn¡¯t get out of this situation unscathed.


    Peter said to me, ¡°that damned head priest is working to get you out of here¡ªyou will likely be joining the men on the battlefield. Father says I might only have a week with you.¡±


    Before this, I never hated anyone. What an awful feeling it was to hate someone so profusely that it made me tremble in rage. How horrible it was to seek pleasure in thinking of the many ways I wished him to die.


    But after six of the seven days passed while I waited and hoped to go to the battlefield, I began to feel very empty. My passion and desires had left me, and I was suddenly unafraid to die. I was made into a gray creature who didn¡¯t care about the future or even my own safety. I was what that man wanted me to be; an object to be used when he saw fit.


    __


    Leon had succeeded in negotiating for my freedom. On the sixth day of being locked in Peter¡¯s quarters, I was brought to a meeting in the temple in the city with King Torr, Leon, and Caerwyn.


    Leon looked at me in horror as I was dragged by Peter into Leon¡¯s office and told to sit down. I obeyed without question.


    Leon turned to Peter. ¡°What have you done to this girl? It looks like you have been¡­ Dragging your nails across her face.¡±


    ¡°She is mine, priest, and no one can take her away.¡± Peter retorted unsympathetically.


    Caerwyn ignored everyone else and collapsed on his knees in front of me tearfully. He saw that I had declined slowly from the woman I was to a girl who lost her heart.


    ¡°Mimi, please talk to me. Stop staring listlessly forward like you can¡¯t see me. Where has your soul gone?¡± Caerwyn cried.


    I ran a hand through his hair slowly and emotionlessly without a word. I wanted to tell him that I would be fine, I wanted him to stop worrying about me, but I didn¡¯t have the strength to say anything at all.


    Leon announced, ¡°I think we have all come to an agreement about you two. Caerwyn, you have openly told me you have broken your vows, but you may find redemption on the battlefield as a normal soldier instead of a templar. However, you have turned your gaze from God and are no longer allowed in the temple. You are guilty of no treason, however; Torr and I decided that you rightly wanted to save this poor girl from being with a man while being married to another. Mimi, Torr and I have also argued for a week and decided that you may also join the men on the battlefield. It is a noble goal for a woman of the faith like yourself.¡±


    Caerwyn asked, ¡°and Peter? What is his punishment in all this?¡±


    Leon looked at us both sympathetically. ¡°He will pray for forgiveness for his evil sins.¡±


    He knew Peter deserved a much harsher punishment, but there was only so much he could do.


    ¡°She is mine, father! You promised I could marry her!¡± Peter said angrily.


    I looked at King Torr who now had the blackest eyes I had ever seen. ¡°You should have married her before you did what you did.¡±


    And at that, Caerwyn leaned his head on my lap and wept endlessly as I stared expressionlessly forward.

 Chapter 67

    After that hellish week was over, I was sent off with Ironwall¡¯s army as a physician. I wasn¡¯t even sure what was left of me that I could be much good, but my body propelled me as I rode alongside Caerwyn on horseback to keep living as a body was made to do.


    I was wearing light armor and had a sword for self protection as well as a satchel around my neck that contained everything I needed to help the wounded on the battlefield. Salves, medicine, and gauze for binding wounds.


    The army was travelling northeast and we would meet Lowen¡¯s army on the way there. Peter was a coward and would not fight with the army; King Torr, however, with his horrifying black eyes, would not be deterred and would be fighting alongside his army.


    But it wasn¡¯t just his eyes that were black. He had an entire black aura now¡ªhe was enshrouded in it.


    I highly suspected that the lustful god had chosen his vessel, and that it was King Torr.


    I whispered to Caerwyn as we rode at the back of the army, ¡°have you seen his aura?¡±


    Caerwyn nodded. ¡°I¡¯ve seen it. What has happened to him?¡±


    I realized I needed to tell Caerwyn of everything that happened in Nui, and I did so rather ineffectually.


    ¡°I think it is likely the lustful god has chosen him as his vessel.¡± I said as I finished explaining.


    ¡°If that¡¯s true,¡± Caerwyn said, ¡°we need to find a way to defeat him and get Terry out of here.¡±


    I nodded silently but with little conviction. I held out very little hope for the future, and I went silent again for a long time.


    Caerwyn gazed upon me and begged me to speak to him as we rode¡ªbegged me to return to my normal self¡ªbut I couldn¡¯t. That girl was dead.


    The sound of horses stamping through muddy grass filled my ears as we left the border of Ironwall under heavy rain. The temptation was there to spur my horse away from the army and try to run, but I knew they could easily catch me if I tried. And still, deep down, I wanted to help Caerwyn and Terry in any way I could and didn''t want to run away from them.


    I scanned the army for Terry, and I barely spotted him. He was encircled by dozens of knights who were making sure he couldn¡¯t escape. I noticed he was horribly bruised and cut up and realized they must have been torturing him to make him more docile. He looked as expressionless as I was.


    I gasped and yelled without thinking, ¡°Terry!¡±


    There was enough of a window between all the knights encircling him that I could see him for just a second. He looked around for me and a spark of life was brought back to his docile eyes. ¡°Mimi? Where are you!¡±


    One of the knights hit Terry roughly on the back of his neck and the boy hung his head again. I was about to shout his name again but Caerwyn shook his head. ¡°They¡¯ll only hurt him more.¡±


    I could stand them hurting me¡ªif only just¡ªbut them hurting Terry was like them hurting my little brother all over again. I couldn¡¯t stand to think of that sweet boy being away from his friends for a whole week and being tortured until he was no longer that rambunctious, high-spirited boy I once knew, and looked like an undead version of himself.


    I whispered to Caerwyn, ¡°I can¡¯t stand this! We have to get him out of here!¡±


    Caerwyn nodded determinedly.


    But deep down I knew it would be almost impossible to free him, unless we were willing to fight off a whole army. I had no idea what to do.


    The emptiness within me was replaced with cold sadness. Terry was just a tool to be used to them.If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    I wrote in you awhile ago, my diary, that we were two of a kind. Even to this moment we were. We were both beaten and abused and made into things to be used; Terry as a weapon, and I as a whore.


    __


    As we left the border of Ironwall two weeks later, the green grass was disappearing and being replaced by dirt and gravel as we were hallway to the border of Lowen.


    Caerwyn told me that the rest of Lowen was little greener than this. Lowen must be a poor kingdom with little food to go around if there were so little plants growing.


    I wondered why there was so much rain¡ªit was summer and it was supposed to be hot.


    We pitched up tents and I looked around at all the men who were either resting before a fire or bustling to help get the rest of the tents up.


    I noticed there were very few female physicians in the army. I counted three others, and the rest were men.


    I sat around a fire outside with Caerwyn and a few other soldiers as the rain finally let up for a bit. One of the soldiers locked eyes with me curiously. ¡°Just what is a female moth doing here? If she¡¯s a mage to help in battle, shouldn¡¯t she have a chain around her neck?¡±


    I shrugged silently. I had no courage left to speak and found myself trembling in the presence of all these soldiers due to that horrid experience I had with them earlier.


    Caerwyn spoke up for me. ¡°She is here to help protect you all. She wants to be your angel.¡±


    The knights looked charmed at that and looked at me with much more appreciation rather than mistrust. One of the knights asked, ¡°she looks so frightened. Should she really be here?¡±


    Caerwyn looked at me for a long moment before he turned back to the soldier. ¡°I was very against it, but she is strong willed and wants to support her men.¡±


    All the soldiers smiled at that and said, ¡°we will endeavor to protect you on the field of battle.¡±


    I wished I could return the smile, but I merely hugged my knees and sniffled a little. Caerwyn looked heartbroken at my palpable pain. He wanted to hug me, and there was nothing stopping him now that he was no longer a templar, but there was something else keeping him from it. He was still very shy and nervous of women. He asked me instead, ¡°can I get you anything? Perhaps a blanket?¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°I¡¯m worried about Terry. I want to see him.¡±


    Caerwyn took a deep breath as his gaze was directed to Terry¡¯s rather lavish and big tent that was heavily guarded.


    Caerwyn stood up, standing tall and straight, and walked over to the tent.


    I noticed when Caerwyn walked that he had an odd gait from time-to-time. He seemed to unintentionally walk with his hips swaying. It must be a result of his upbringing.


    We all carried so many things from our parents. I¡¯d like to think I used to carry Mother¡¯s sweetness and Daddy¡¯s strength, but it had left me now. Anything that was left¡ªa shivering, cowardly, and soulless girl¡ªwas all me. My soul was laid bare.


    In a moment, Caerwyn returned with a grin on his face. I looked at him curiously but said nothing.


    ¡°You can speak with him just for a moment.¡± Caerwyn informed me. ¡°With soldiers around, of course.¡±


    I stood up excitedly and gazed upon Caerwyn with love and appreciation¡ªhe must have used his wonderful charm to convince the soldiers to let me see him. My spirt buoyed again, just for a moment as I danced over to the tent surrounded by soldiers.


    ¡°I can go in, right?¡± I asked the soldiers hopefully.


    ¡°Make it quick.¡± One of the soldiers said.


    I entered the tent to see Terry lying on his side with a dead look on his face.


    It took him a long moment, but he brightened when he saw me and sat up with a grunt of pain.


    ¡°Terry!¡± I squealed and wrapped my arms around him. ¡°You¡¯re okay!¡±


    ¡°Mimi!¡± He said happily and returned the embrace with tears glistening in his eyes.


    I held him at arm¡¯s length after a moment as I sniffled.


    Here was my best friend¡ªcovered in cuts and bruises, just like I was covered in scratches under my fur from Peter¡ªwe were two of a kind like always. As always, he was the one person alive who understood me completely and what I had been through. I touched his cheek affectionately. ¡°They hurt you so much¡­¡±


    Terry glanced away, embarrassed, and answered, ¡°I¡¯m fine, Mimi¡­ What about you? God, tell me Peter didn¡¯t harm you.¡±


    I looked down with my heart aching. ¡°He hurt me.¡±


    Terry¡¯s face twisted into one of bottomless anger and sadness. ¡°I¡¯ll kill him! I can¡¯t believe I wasn¡¯t there to protect you. I failed you.¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°You never failed me! You¡¯ve always been there for me. I¡¯m the one who can never protect you or anyone else!¡±


    Terry grabbed my shoulders. ¡°Don¡¯t you ever say that! You saved me you took that bird¡ªand all the evil aggressions within me¡ªout of me! I don¡¯t know where I¡¯d be without you! I¡¯d probably be in a dungeon or worse!¡± Terry retorted. ¡°Mimi, I don¡¯t want you on the battlefield. Tell the soldiers to take you back!¡±


    I made a face. ¡°To where? Peter? To do what? To wait for you and Caerwyn to return when it is likely that you may not? I want to help!¡± I cried.


    We were being too loud and one of the soldiers hefted me to my feet and began hauling me out of the tent. I reached out my arms to Terry. ¡°Let me talk to him more!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re upsetting the Catalydd.¡± The soldier said and pushed me back toward the fire where Caerwyn sat.


    I wiped my eyes with a ragged breath and sat next to Caerwyn again.


    He looked at me compassionately and murmured, ¡°why are the people I love most made to suffer? Why not me?¡±


    I shall try to find time to write in you later, my diary. I must stop now, as I will be joining the men on the battlefield soon.

 Chapter 68

    Rulaheim 182


    Caerwyn told me that the two kings had agreed to meet on even ground halfway between Ironwall and Lowen. The terms were simple; whoever lost or surrendered first would rule the other¡¯s kingdom. They wanted to have the fight far away from either kingdom so as not to disturb the civilians of either kingdom, which was a surprising courtesy.


    We had previously been travelling slowly upward on a gentle rocky incline as we got closer to the army of Lowen, and once we reached flat ground again, I saw Lowen¡¯s army marching toward us with their standard being carried by a soldier atop a horse next to Lowen¡¯s king.


    Once the two armies were dozens of yards apart, they stopped. Both kings had a white flag in hand and the two rode to the center of the soon-to-be battlefield to parley with a single aide riding with them.


    At the back of the army, I wished I could feel deathly afraid as I once would have in this situation. Instead, I felt very little. I was sick at heart and had lost almost all passions. My only two goals left were to protect Caerwyn, and to especially protect Terry.


    It was still freezing¡ªalthough the rain had stopped drizzling--and I looked around at the faces of all the soldiers by us to see if they were afraid. They looked fearless and ready for battle.


    Caerwyn, who was on his horse beside me said, ¡°I¡¯ll protect you no matter what.¡±


    I nodded silently.


    King Torr rode back to the army. There was a moment of silent tension before both armies began riding full speed forward.


    There was so much chaos, noise, and screaming that I could barely think straight as the armies clashed and steel rang on steel and rent the air.


    I was afraid again, and I was glad to be afraid again. That jolt of fear made me feel something, at least. But this was fear that froze me in place as I saw men getting cut down in front of me and bleeding to death.


    I snapped to my senses after a moment when I saw Terry in the distance riding through the crowd with his palms glowing gold and healing whoever he saw who happened to be wounded. If he could be brave, then I could, too!


    I had my bag of salves and medicines ready, and I looked around for anyone who needed my help as my hands trembled.


    Caerwyn, being the mighty warrior he was, rode to the aid of a man being overrun by six enemy soldiers. He brought his horse along the backsides of the enemy soldiers and caught two of the six soldiers off guard by slicing their backs.


    The other four soldiers turned to look at him in surprise, and the man surrounded by them spurred his horse to get away from them. Caerwyn brought his horse about and held the handle of his sword steady, ready to dispatch another enemy soldier with a quick, clean, and strong swing.


    I worried for him, but turned my attention to a man yelling for help in the din of the crowd to my right.


    The man was missing an arm and had been unhorsed. I rode to his side¡ªclimbing off my horse. I reached into my bag with trembling hands and felt dizzy at the amount of blood the man was losing. My head spun and I froze for a moment with my hand enclosed on a salve that helped heal the wound and medicine to lessen the pain.


    The man grabbed me with the arm that had not been dismembered and yelled, ¡°what the hell are you doing? Help me!¡±


    I came back to reality and rubbed the salve on the stub of the man¡¯s missing arm while simultaneously using my free arms to bind the man¡¯s wound. I felt sick to my stomach at the blood on my hands.


    I glanced behind me and saw a large man charging me on horseback. I screamed and ducked as he jabbed his spear at me and barely missed¡ªI had plastered myself to the gravelly ground to avoid his thrust.


    ¡°Caerwyn help me!¡± I yelled at the top of my lungs¡ªkeeping my head down/


    Caerwyn, who had been aiding a different man, left his side for a moment¡ªwith the man immediately getting killed¡ªand rode to me instead.


    The large man was bringing his horse about and he charged again.


    His wrist was poised to let the spear fly, but Caerwyn aimed his own sword steadily and with deft aim tossed it with pinpoint accuracy at the man¡¯s head. The spear was dropped and Caerwyn rode by the man¡¯s body and retrieved his sword from the man¡¯s face.Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.


    My heart pounded wildly and I felt incredibly guilty at Caerwyn letting that other man die in favor of me.


    Caerwyn asked as he rode by, ¡°are you okay?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine! More men need you!¡± I replied and waved a small purple flag that informed the other physicians I needed assistance. The male physicians came to help me move the armless man away from the fighting.


    After that, I continued searching the battlefield for more wounded men.


    As my eyes scanned the battlefield, I felt a deep rumbling beneath my feet.


    The earth was splitting under the feet of Ironwall¡¯s army with a loud roar. I heard yelling all around as a fissure began opening up in the earth and dozens of men fell into it.


    I had no idea what was happening for a moment¡ªbut then I realized the moth gods were interfering. My eyes flitted about wildly and locked onto a female moth who I assumed was Tyre, the moth God of Nature¡¯s prophetess.


    She looked strained and exhausted as she slowly moved her four arms away from each other and as she did so, the fissure in the ground kept widening.


    With a quick motion, she clapped her four arms together and the fissure closed and crushed the men within it with their screams getting cut off as it did. I had been close to the fissure and saw them being crushed firsthand. It was a traumatic experience.


    Things only got worse.


    I saw the lustful god in the body of King Torr emitting a black liquid that spread from his body and enveloped the battlefield around him. But unlike the fissure, I was the only one who appeared to be able to see the black liquid as it spread.


    The men of Ironwall suddenly started fighting all the harder as their eyes were triggered black and they seemed twice as strong as they began overpowering the men of Lowen easily. A lust for battle had overtaken them that seemed to be caused by the black liquid.


    Caerwyn yelled above the cacophony, ¡°do you see that?¡±


    I nodded as I treated a man who was missing a leg. ¡°He¡¯s using his powers. Caerwyn, if you can, you need to kill Tyre¡¯s prophetess. I saw her standing near the King of Lowen¡ªshe¡¯s the one opening the fissures.¡±


    Caerwyn nodded and looked about the battlefield. The prophetess must have disappeared, and Caerwyn disappeared in a crowd of both enemy and ally soldiers as he went looking for the prophetess.


    All the while, Terry was saving hundreds of lives by keeping them healed, and largely due to his efforts, Lowen¡¯s army was dwindling while Ironwall¡¯s was prevailing with very few losses so far.


    The earth was rumbling under my feet again, however. My legs were weak with fear as the earth shook and I tried to dash away from the fissure opening underneath my feet. I ran as fast as I could, but the last of the earth crumbled underneath my feet and I barely managed to grab onto the ledge of the open earth before I fell in.


    Caerwyn saw me struggling with a look of terror on his face. He once again left the fight and tried to come to my rescue.


    He wasn¡¯t watching his surroundings, however, and an enemy soldier slew his horse causing Caerwyn to tumble to the ground.


    My arms were weak, and I just couldn¡¯t seem to muster the strength to pull myself out of the fissure.


    Caerwyn didn¡¯t care for his own safety as he hurried to me and ignored the Lowen soldier who was sneaking up behind him as he ran. The soldier was poised to strike Caerwyn, but Terry rode by and plunged his sword into the enemy¡¯s throat.


    I screamed as the fissure began to close.


    Caerwyn pushed himself as hard as he could to make it to my side, but he was too far away.


    A different soldier saw me struggling and easily lifted me out of the fissure before it closed. I thanked him tearfully and he nodded in reply. I realized he was the same man earlier who promised he would try to protect me on the field of battle.


    Hours past, and my feet were so sore that I could barely walk. There was so much chaos I could barely see straight.


    One of the enemy soldiers saw me treating a man¡¯s shoulder wound and charged me with a yell. I didn¡¯t want to bother Caerwyn this time.


    I unsheathed Terry¡¯s sword¡ªI would have brought the light one the blacksmith in Nui had made for me, but it must have gotten left behind¡ªand blocked his first swing.


    ¡°Help me!¡± I cried to anyone who could hear me as I remembered what Terry had taught me of self defense and kept a firm, but loose grip on the handle with both hands.


    Terry trained me to, instead of looking for a way to win the fight since moths were so much weaker than humans, try my best to defend instead.


    I did. I kept my grip firm and watched his blade carefully and how he had his blade angled so I could predict how he would swing. I blocked every blow efficiently, but everytime the man hit my sword the shock ran up the piece of metal and vibrated and nearly made me drop it each time.


    I yelled for help again and an Ironwall soldier rode to my rescue and cut the enemy soldier¡¯s head off in front of me. Blood from the man¡¯s neck sprayed in my eyes and my body went numb with fear and disgust as I shuddered with revulsion.


    A male physician grabbed me by the shoulder and said, ¡°calm down. I¡¯ve got a rag.¡±


    He wiped the blood out of my eyes and my heart was beating like crazy as the worst tremor yet rumbled through the earth beneath us.


    It seemed the moth god of nature knew he was losing and no longer cared about how many men of Lowen got killed along with the men of Ironwall. I could feel him combine his powers with his prophetess as the worst fissure yet was formed.


    The fissure in the gravelly earth began opening and swallowed hundreds of men with the combined powers of both Tyre and his prophetess fighting for the Lowen army. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me away from the ditch which was fast forming. I heard a horrible cacophony of screams as men fell into the fissure behind me.


    I stood at the edge of the indent in the ground and it closed quickly with all of the men therein perishing.


    I looked around the battlefield in a panic--searching for Terry and Caerwyn to make sure they hadn¡¯t been swallowed.


    I spotted Caerwyn nearby as he reluctantly spotted the moth prophetess and killed her with what I could tell was a heavy heart.


    The Lowen army had thinned out considerably and I could now easily spot Terry riding around on his horse and slaying many enemy soldiers as well as healing the men of Ironwall.


    Night was falling as the King of Lowen held the white flag above his head. ¡°I surrender!¡±


    Everyone stopped fighting.


    In a moment, the men of Ironwall cheered loudly as King Torr, or rather, the lustful god, accepted the man¡¯s surrender.

 Chapter 69

    The terms were that, whoever won the battle would get everything the other kingdom had. Torr got what was left of Lowen¡¯s army and its king was to be thrown into the dungeon once Torr arrived in Lowen.


    While Ironwall had lost men, it was nothing compared to how many Lowen lost. With Terry constantly healing everyone on the battlefield and the lustful god triggering the black eyes and the desire to win in every man from Ironwall on the battlefield, Lowen simply didn¡¯t stand a chance.


    Lowen¡¯s army merged with Ironwall¡¯s¡ªbeaten, conquered, and outnumbered¡ªand we pitched camp that night as night fell. We were close to Lowen where we would rest for a week, and then Torr said he would continue with his goal of ruling every kingdom and he would march on to Alutui further east.


    I sat around a fire with Caerwyn who was exhausted, but thankfully unscathed, along with many other soldiers.


    I hugged my knees silently as I gazed into the fire and men laughed and had happy conversations around me.


    Screams echoed in my mind and I could think of nothing but the carnage I had just seen as I stared into the fire.


    ¡°Mimi, are you okay?¡± Caerwyn asked.


    I didn¡¯t reply as the memory of that poor man¡¯s head getting lopped off came to mind.


    Another soldier around the fire with us said, ¡°Caerwyn! That¡¯s your name, right? You are an absolute force to be reckoned with on the battlefield! You alone saved dozens of lives! And your moth friend there is an absolute angel! I saw her toiling endlessly and treating the wounded!¡±


    I stood up woodenly and wandered off to King Torr¡¯s tent.


    ¡°Mimi! Where are you going!¡± Caerwyn yelled.


    I said to the soldiers in front of Torr¡¯s lavish tent that was set up at the center of all the rest of the tents, ¡°I would like to see the king.¡±


    ¡°Not without his permission.¡± They replied.


    King Torr called from within his lavish tent, ¡°it¡¯s fine. I want to speak with her.¡±This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    The soldiers stepped aside.


    I entered and came face-to-face with the wicked god wearing the face of a human man.


    I sat in the tent across from him and asked him expressionlessly. ¡°Why are you doing this? Why do you wish to envelop all the kingdoms in war?¡±


    King Torr¡¯s eyes were always black now. They had no color. Torr¡ªor the lustful god¡ªwas frowning intently at me, and then he smirked. ¡°You know, I was very tempted to simply kill you when we took Nui over, but that repulsive boy¡ªPeter¡ªwhat he had in store for you was much more fitting. I think I got my revenge on you for ruining my perfect vessel. If I had only been able to gather a little more power in that vessel, the world would already be mine. Now I have to work with this insufficient one which can barely contain my power.


    ¡°The only reason why I approved you to come to the battlefield with me was so that you could see, first hand, all the kingdoms come under my rule as I subjugate them all. Ah yes, and that god you pledged your worship to¡ªI shall corrupt Him in the minds of humans so that they come to worship me instead. It has already begun; I have told them Terry¡¯s powers are a result of your god¡¯s powers and not ours as well as the powers of the moth prophets and prophetesses. Nobody will have faith and convictions anymore once they believe that their god wishes you all to kill yourselves over the Catalydd. How does it feel to be on the same side as the god who will put everyone in chains and destroy their faith?¡±


    I was silent for a moment as I stared at him expressionlessly. But I noticed something out of place for a man so intimidating. His finger was twitching nervously.


    I replied curiously and emotionlessly. ¡°Do you still fear me?¡±


    He was silent--caught off guard. He replied in a moment. ¡°I have no cause to fear a woman. They are helpless creatures. They are weaker than men; more trusting, more na?ve. You have no great powers to begin with and I have broken you. How would you even propose to fight me? With the great love that rots within your heart by the second for each horrible and unforgivable thing that happens to you? If you can stop me, do so.¡±


    I cocked my head to the side. ¡°You are still¡­ You¡¯re afraid. Why is it that you hate women? Because they have great love in their hearts that you never received? Is that how you were driven mad? Because you were never loved by a woman?¡±


    His black eyes grew until they devoured his face. In an odd, melting and trembling, horrifying voice he replied. ¡°I will eat you if you do not shut up. No, worse. I shall send you back to Peter first to be humiliated, and I shall think of an appropriate death for you.¡±


    I reached out an ivory hand to touch his face. ¡°It¡¯s true, isn¡¯t it; you¡¯re missing the love of a woman.¡±


    Torr¡¯s body was overrun by blackness as he shrieked and skittered away from me to the corner of his tent. ¡°Get away from me! I have no need of your love! You will watch all the kingdoms be destroyed by me as planned! Guards, get this woman away from me!¡±


    I followed his shadowy body to the corner of the tent and reached out a loving and pitying hand to him, but the guards threw me out of the tent before I could touch him again.


    What a sad creature a man was without the love of a woman, my diary.

 Chapter 70

    Rulaheim 182


    Lowen surrendered without further protest, and Caerwyn and I got to sleep in a proper bed in the inn that night while King Torr slept in the castle and made preparations for setting out as soon as possible to conquer another kingdom. Caerwyn told me Torr would leave much of the now merged armies of Ironwall and Lowen to guard the city and the castle and elect someone to rule Lowen while he continued his march.


    It clearly didn¡¯t matter to the lustful god whether or not Caerwyn and I stayed with the army or left because he considered us so little of a threat. Otherwise he was have come up with some way to prevent the two of us from leaving or he would have simply killed us.


    Thoughts entered my head that night as I tried to sleep. Thoughts of running away with Caerwyn and escaping any further horrors of war. The thought was overpowering as my thoughts were in a loop of the horrors I had experienced and it seemed like there was no way out of the loop. I could be his wife and spend the rest of my days taking care of him.


    I held my hand high in the air and looked at the ruby ring Paris had given me. I hated myself for daring to think of abandoning that poor man even though we were so far apart.


    Furthermore, I couldn¡¯t run away because of Terry. We had to find some way to rescue him. Caerwyn had tried his golden door several more times to no avail in an attempt to warp us to Terry¡¯s heavily guarded quarters in Castle Lowen. He had also tried many more times to open a door to Nui at my request¡ªbut one would not form. It was incredibly upsetting to him and he blamed the fact that he had turned his back on God that he seemed to no longer be able to use the door at all.


    If something happened to Terry, I wasn¡¯t sure I could face life anymore. Perhaps if Terry could free himself¡ªif he knew how to use his magic to attack rather than only defend or heal¡ªhe could escape. But there was simply no sign of that. I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if the lustful god was purposefully keeping the boy from learning how to attack.


    I couldn¡¯t even talk to Terry and it was killing me. I missed him and worried about him so much that it hurt. I missed Paris and Paul and Meridi and all of my friends at Nui as well.


    I rolled over in bed and felt empty. There was nothing to be done anywhere.


    And just then, Caerwyn cracked my door open and said, ¡°I can¡¯t shake these evil thoughts tonight. I must run away with you.¡±


    I sat up and looked at him emptily. I wanted anything other than to feel as if I was simply waiting for my death. I wanted pleasure. I wanted happiness.


    I held out my arms to him and said without much urgency or any faith that we could do so, ¡°we must rescue Terry.¡±


    Caerwyn sat on the bed and returned my embrace. He just held me, and I hoped I would feel that old fire I used to feel when a man held me, but it was gone. Peter had made it into something ugly and loathsome.


    He tried to kiss me but I leaned away from him as my mind couldn¡¯t shake old, painful memories. I looked away. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    He shook his head. ¡°I never want to hear you apologize again.¡±


    He respected my wishes and he merely crawled into bed with me and wrapped his arms around me for comfort while I stared listlessly ahead and wondered how and why I was still alive and why I was still trying.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Mother would not be happy if I were to abandon my duties, and so I must keep trying. For her and for Terry.


    __


    Iranheim 182


    Two more months passed, my diary, and we were now fighting the kingdom of Alutui. The army of Alutui did not negotiate to have the battle away from the castle and instead took a defensive position inside of it. Alutui had no moth prophets or prophetesses to aid them and no grand army, and so they took up a defensive position inside the castle.


    And as we attempted to breach the castle walls, arrows flew down upon the merged armies of Lowen and Ironwall from the archers atop the battlements of Castle Alutui. I took refuge under Caerwyn¡¯s shield as the shower of arrows thunked into the shields. I cringed and screwed my eyes shut in fear.


    Terry¡¯s powers were growing and I could only assume that the lustful god had been teaching him how to tap into them.


    As the enemy army nocked more arrows to their bows, the boy held his palms up toward the sky and a shield made of light was cast over all our heads as arrows rained down upon us again. Terry kept the massive shield up as the army stood safely away from the castle wall and under it.


    Terry was still being tortured, and I couldn¡¯t stand looking at him with the many scars and bruises he had on his face and arms.


    I felt so apathetic and empty of late, but I loved that boy to death and he brought what little caring I had left out of me.


    The boy had a vacant expression on his face and was made into a docile beast to follow orders and nothing else. I knew what that felt like.


    I couldn¡¯t stand it any longer.


    I had to try something. I said to Caerwyn as the archers launched another shower of arrows upon us, ¡°I¡¯m going to try and wake Terry up.¡±


    Before Caerwyn could protest, I was running through the crowd as Terry was concentrating on keeping the golden, ethereal shield up.


    Caerwyn chased after me, calling my name worriedly.


    An Ironwall ballistician was ready to launch a gigantic boulder at the castle wall to crumble it, and the lustful god in the body of Torr gave the ballistician the go ahead to do so.


    It crashed into the wall with such force that it fell into the castle with men behind the castle wall being crushed. The wall was now short enough for our army to climb over.


    As the lustful god and the rest of the army stormed the castle, I ran through the crowd¡ªwith many soldiers unintentionally pushing me and shoving me as they made their way inside the castle. I suffered a bruise or two, but I eventually made it to Terry¡¯s side.


    I tapped Terry on the shoulder as he held his golden shield of light steady to protect us from more arrows that were being loosed upon the men who were still outside the castle walls.


    ¡°Terry, let¡¯s just run! Now¡¯s our chance!¡± I said hurriedly to him.


    Terry looked at me with a blank face like he hadn¡¯t heard me.


    I shook his shoulders. ¡°Damn you, wake up! Please wake up! I refuse to believe you¡¯re gone! If you¡¯re gone¡­¡±


    I looked down and sniffled. ¡°If you¡¯re gone, what¡¯s the point? I¡¯d be dead right now if not for you.¡±


    But his expression did not change.


    I put a hand on his cheek. ¡°Don¡¯t tell me you¡¯re gone. If you are, I will simply give up.¡±


    Light flickered in his eyes as I ran a hand down the side of his face. He said as he flung his shield to the side along with all the arrows on it, ¡°let¡¯s go!¡±


    He grabbed my wrist and placed a protective shield around me. I could tell his powers were running low and he was exhausted. His magic, like moth magic, must have taken a toll on him and he could only use so much of it.


    Caerwyn was still chasing after us, and I said to Terry, ¡°let¡¯s wait for Caerwyn before we leave!¡±


    None of the army noticed the three of us dashing away as they stormed the castle.


    None but the lustful god himself. He called for many soldiers to chase after us, but in the din of battle, he was either ignored or nobody heard him.


    In King Torr¡¯s body, he melted into his own shadow and sped across the battlefield¡ªchasing us.


    Caerwyn¡¯s blade was ready as the shadow fast approached.


    We were going to make it! Just a few more yards and we would be away from the clashing armies! I grinned and felt happy for the first time in two months.


    Terry¡¯s feet left behind golden shoeprints behind as he ran¡ªit seemed as if he was using his powers to propel us all forward. Terry smiled a little. ¡°I don¡¯t know how I¡¯m triggering this power¡­ But God am I grateful for it.¡±


    We were soon free from the two armies clashing and were far away from the loud din of battle. I thought we would be safe for good as I saw no sign of the lustful god¡¯s shadow pursuing us when I looked backward. I turned my face forward again with a jovial smile adorning it.


    Moments passed with nothing but the sound of our feet plodding through the grass as I thought for sure that we were safe from the lustful god.

 Chapter 71

    But suddenly, the lustful god¡¯s shadow caught up and a black hand emerged from it and grabbed Terry¡¯s ankle.


    Caerwyn sliced the arm and it dissolved into black dust. Terry was free again after a moment, and he ran a few more yards with me and Caerwyn in tow behind him before he was so tired that he collapsed and fainted.


    The black shadow ploughed ahead of me and Caerwyn as we tried to catch up to where Terry had fainted.


    The shadow formed into a shadowy man in the shape of King Torr and swung Terry over his shoulder.


    Caerwyn was ready with his blade and his hands tensed as he charged the shadowy creature.


    Light unexpectedly sprang forth from Caerwyn¡¯s blade as he thrusted it into the lustful god who screeched in pain. He dropped Terry to the ground and his own shadowy blade sprang forth from his hand.


    I was stunned. Where had this light come from? I had no time to think of it as I had to check on Terry while Caerwyn dueled the lustful god.


    I felt Terry¡¯s pulse. He was still breathing, but he was clearly exhausted. He just needed rest. I whispered to him, ¡°I¡¯ll save you Terry, I promise.¡±


    I unsheathed my blade¡ªor rather, Terry¡¯s blade--ready to help Caerwyn in battling the lustful god.


    Caerwyn was as skillful as ever as he parried, dodged, and deftly poked at the lustful god¡¯s body. When he made contact with his golden sword, a little bit of shadow would fall away and the lustful god would shriek in pain.


    Caerwyn was angry. He was full of passion and enraged at the lustful god, which made him rasher and less able to concentrate. ¡°I hate you! I hate you for what you¡¯ve done to them!¡±


    I snuck up behind the lustful god and stabbed him in the back as Caerwyn relentlessly and powerfully slammed his sword--glowing with light--against the lustful god¡¯s shadowy one repeatedly.


    The god shrieked and its screams pierced the air. The shadow formed into a black dove with a gigantic beak.


    I stabbed its back repeatedly with such angry fury that I could think of nothing else but wanting this horrendous creature dead.


    I heard a deep and dark chuckle emanate from the lustful god as me and Caerwyn chopped tirelessly as him.


    ¡°I can feel it! I can feel your lust not only for each other but also to see me dead! How sick and perverse you are! Do you not realize you are only feeding me with such feelings?¡±


    Fast as a snake, the dove¡¯s beak snapped at Caerwyn¡¯s arm and it came clean off.


    I yelled in dismay as Caerwyn¡¯s blade fell to the ground with his arm.


    Caerwyn was stunned and any words he had were caught in his throat. Just as the lustful god lunged at Caerwyn¡¯s head, I reached out with all four of my arms and hugged the bird around its torso.


    I had to find it again, I knew. I had to find whatever love was left in my heart and bestow it upon this loathsome creature.


    This creature knew nothing but hatred and anger. What a sad thing that was. He had been loved by no one. I could feel it¡­ I could feel that he needed a mother.


    ¡°I love you. I love you where your mother did not.¡± I soothed the black dove.


    It shrieked and squawked as it struggled in my embrace and lost dozens of black, smoky feathers. As long as I could hold those loving thoughts in my head, the dove couldn¡¯t escape. But¡­


    But as I looked upon Caerwyn¡¯s arm¡ªas I thought of how I had been defiled because of this petty and disgusting creature¡ªI simply couldn¡¯t find it in me to love him.Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.


    He shrank in my arms just as I lost that good and beautiful thought, and then he formed back into King Torr with no shadows on his being. The man was panting with a hideous look upon his face. In a moment shadows leaked from his body and grabbed both me and Caerwyn with the smoky black tendrils spreading from his body. I struggled as he began enclosing the tendrils around us to tightly that I was choking.


    Terry woke up, then¡ªlooking exhausted--and saw Caerwyn bleeding quickly to death from his arm and was alarmed to see the lustful god choking us to death.


    Terry picked up Caerwyn¡¯s dropped blade and I managed a scream despite being choked as the boy pointed it at himself. ¡°Let them go and let me heal Caerwyn or I will kill myself.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t!¡± The lustful god yelled. ¡°I will put them down!¡±


    The lustful god released me and Caerwyn from his tendrils and Terry dashed past the wicked god and to Caerwyn¡¯s side.


    He calmly put his hands upon Caerwyn¡¯s missing arm and took a deep breath. He said to him as gold poured from his hands and stitched up Caerwyn¡¯s arm, ¡°you know¡­ I loved being your squire. You were the only one who befriended me at the temple. You paid so much attention to me and tried to be my father when I had none to speak of; nobody else wanted me as a squire or a friend. And you, Mimi¡­ You were just so lovely. You were so kind that you made me want to be that kind¡­ I can¡¯t thank either of you enough.¡±


    Caerwyn and I were in too much pain from the lustful god squeezing us to speak. We were still gasping for breath.


    Terry still had his sword pointed at himself as he threatened the lustful god, ¡°I¡¯ll still kill myself unless you let them go.¡±


    The lustful god was in a panic. He held up his hands. ¡°I¡¯ll let them go; put the sword down.¡±


    ¡°You have to promise me¡­ You have to prove to me that no matter what you¡¯ll let them live.¡± Terry demanded.


    The lustful god grimaced and bowed to Terry and said, ¡°if you take a piece of each of their hairs and bless it, then I will be burned horribly burned for the first three times I try to attack them.


    Terry looked very thoughtful for a moment as he wondered how to accomplish such a thing, but then he smiled.


    He didn¡¯t need to know how to do it; he loved us so much that, with his face scrunched up in a smile and tears falling from his eyes, he just did it. Lightly and carefully, Terry chopped pieces of mine and Caerwyn¡¯s hair off with his sword, blew lightly on them, and they glowed yellow with protective power.


    ¡°Hand the hair back to them, and they will be protected from me.¡± The lustful god commanded.


    Terry did so. He placed the strands of hair in mine and Caerwyn¡¯s hands and enclosed our fingers around them. He said calmly, ¡°you¡¯ll be okay now.¡±


    I placed mine in an empty flask of water, and Caerwyn put his in a palm-sized sack that was tied around his belt.


    Terry then turned to the lustful god with his sword still pointed at his stomach and said, ¡°you¡¯re going to wait here with me until the two of them are so far off that you can¡¯t catch them.¡±


    The lustful god nodded without protest. He knew if he lost Terry, his goals and dreams would likely never come to fruition, or would only come to fruition with much more difficulty.


    But I shook my head. ¡°I won¡¯t leave! Not without Terry! Terry, put that sword down. Come with us!¡±


    ¡°You two go, I¡¯ll be fine.¡± He replied lightly.


    I yelled with angry tears. ¡°Put it down right now! I swear to God, Terry, if you don¡¯t come with us--!¡±


    Caerwyn was gazing at Terry intently the entire time. He looked down with tears in his eyes.


    Caerwyn wrapped his unsevered arm around my shoulder. ¡°Come, Mimi. We can do no more good here.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I cried and wrestled free from his arm. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with you? We came with the army for Terry!¡±


    I freed myself from Caerwyn¡¯s arm and ran to Terry¡¯s side¡ªtrying to take the sword from him but he easily pushed me away. ¡°Mimi, trust me. Go with Caerwyn.¡±


    ¡°And leave you with the lustful god? Never! I¡­ I at least want to be close to you¡­ Even if I can¡¯t rescue you.¡± I sniffled again.


    ¡°Mimi, you can do more outside the army than within. You can rally moths and humans alike¡ªI¡¯ve seen it. If anyone can stop Torr, it¡¯s you. Please go.¡± Terry pleaded.


    ¡°But now that you¡¯ve blessed us, he can¡¯t hurt us anymore!¡± I reminded him. ¡°We can stay and we¡¯ll be safe!¡±


    Terry couldn¡¯t stop smiling at me as I wept uncontrollably. He put a hand on my cheek. He suddenly doubled over in pain¡ªfrom exhaustion and using too much magic, I assumed--and leaned on his sword. ¡°I want to be selfless; I want to be like you. That¡¯s my fondest desire. Let me do so.¡±


    There was a long moment of silence but for my weeping when I realized he would not be moved and I also realized he was right. There was nothing I could do to help him.


    I looked him in his blue eyes and I said to him, ¡°promise you¡¯ll be okay?¡±


    He nodded. ¡°I promise.¡±


    Caerwyn and I stepped away from both Terry and the lustful god.


    We walked silently away from them with tears streaming endlessly down my cheeks.


    After many steps, I heard a sound that I would never in my life be able to forget. I heard an audible thud.


    I turned around and saw that Terry had fallen down and was not moving.


    I shrieked in horror and dashed back to his side with Caerwyn following after. Nervously and with haggard breaths, I checked his pulse.


    I went cold and for a moment.


    I refused to acknowledge what my fingers were telling me as the world spun.


    And all at once, I screamed in dismay as I was overwhelmed with emotions that I could not handle.


    He had no pulse. He was dead.


    Sadness and shock overtook my whole body and made it shudder. It felt as if life left my own body in that moment.


    The lustful god¡¯s shriek of rage filled my ears as I fainted.

 Chapter 72

    Iranheim 182


    When I awoke, I was lying next to a fire that Caerwyn had made. He told me very solemnly as I roused that he had been able to open a golden door that led to a nearby forest before the lustful god attacked us.


    I sat up silently with much difficulty as my muscles strained and my arms trembled. Memories flooded back to my mind.


    Cold sweat formed on my forehead as the images flashed in my mind.


    The audible thud and turning to see him on the ground.


    Tears slowly came to my eyes that turned into a flood as I wept in Caerwyn¡¯s remaining arm loudly and long and he shed many tears of his own. I spoke of everything I loved about Terry; his smile with the adorable prominent dimples, his energetic and infectious personality, and his sweetness. He was with me through so much, and he never abandoned me. I didn¡¯t know if I could last without him, I didn¡¯t know if I wanted to. It seemed as if when he went, he took whatever brightness was left in my world and whatever was left of my convictions.


    ¡°Why did he die? Why would he leave me alone in this world!¡± I sobbed through clenched teeth.


    I knew the answer, of course. When moths use a little bit too much of their magic all at once, the same thing happens to them. Terry was pushed too hard and his body simply couldn¡¯t take it. It was all that blasted lustful god¡¯s fault! And¡­ Mine. He wanted to protect me, and used the last bit of his magic, and life, to bless our hair.


    I had been through such pain before in my life, but somehow none of it compared to losing Terry. He was my soul mate through-and-through, and I didn¡¯t love anyone as much as I loved him. We weren¡¯t the same species, we weren¡¯t related, but he was my brother.


    To have to see him go from high-spirited and healthy to downtrodden and beaten and then to end it like that¡­ I simply can¡¯t describe how soul crushing it all was.


    ¡°I failed him. I failed you both.¡± Caerwyn said through his voice choking in pain.


    And with that, the last of our convictions left us. I no longer wanted anything to do with this world or any of the despicable people who inhabited it. I found it hard to care about anything but myself and became a gray creature.


    I said to Caerwyn after I had wept for minutes upon minutes, ¡°let¡¯s run away.¡±


    And Caerwyn, a man normally tied undeterrably to his convictions was severed from them.


    And we ran away together as far as we could away from war, away from death, away from suffering, and away from duty.


    We ran until the world dissolved away and became the realm of desire.Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    __


    Lust and desire and comfort were so prevalent in that dark realm. It was in the air, it pervaded our bodies and souls, and we did nothing but enjoy the sweet scent and loveliness of it.


    The dark and almost red light of the forest, the beautifully groomed trees and the luscious grass was so inviting and intoxicating.


    Caerwyn and I removed all our clothes but for his cloak which he wrapped around me and brought me close with a cheerful smile.


    And we forgot everything that good people shouldn¡¯t forget and became nothing more than animals who lived for nothing but base desires.


    We did nothing but lie naked in each other¡¯s embrace most days and delight in pleasant and benign conversations about wonderful things.


    I told him how obsessed I was with his hair and eyes, and he told me how much he loved my antennae and how big my eyes were.


    I never thought something could feel so pleasurable and wonderful in all the world as just lying around with someone I loved.


    And we forgot more and more of our memories, good and bad. We forgot about the war, about Nui being occupied, about the lustful god and the moth gods and Paris, and yes, even that red-headed boy whose name I could not even remember.


    I laid on top of Caerwyn and asked him, delirious with love, ¡°I wonder why this feels so nice?¡±


    ¡°Because we have nothing to do but love each other.¡± Caerwyn answered tiredly.


    ¡°What a paradise. I could lie here all day.¡± I replied with a happy sigh and stretched all my arms out joyously.


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t let you move if you tried!¡± Caerwyn teased.


    His words were like sweet honey to my ears and lit me on fire with lust. I grinned and wrapped my arms ever more tightly around him. ¡°You¡¯re not close enough.¡±


    ¡°I was just thinking that same thing!¡± He replied and kissed me for what felt like the hundredth time that day. But that was okay, I wanted two-hundred more.


    __


    When we weren¡¯t lying about naked, we were exploring the realm of desire. I heard birds chirping often and saw dozens of golden butterflies fluttering about in the air and the smell of roses and other intense aromas just made me want to lie right back down with Caerwyn.


    I just stood in the middle of the forest for a moment and enjoyed that overwhelming feeling of comfort. Caerwyn did, too, and just as I was craving his embrace again¡ªit was as if he read my mind and his arm pulled me into an embrace.


    I asked him with a smile, ¡°where were we before this?¡±


    ¡°Before this¡­?¡± He asked confusedly as he kissed me a dozen more times and I forgot what I asked.


    Behind him, I saw something new materialize in the realm of desire. The forest behind Caerwyn seemed to melt away and be replaced by a tall mountain. I wanted to go there but had trouble putting aside another opportunity to lie naked with Caerwyn. I let him kiss me a few more times before I ran for the mountain and called to Caerwyn, ¡°you¡¯ll have to catch me if you want more kisses!¡±


    And Caerwyn chased after me gladly as I ran for the mountain.


    As I ran, I could have sworn I heard a horse trotting in the distance that was merging with the sound of my feet stamping through the green grass.


    I glanced back at Caerwyn and he was fast gaining on me.


    I looked forward again and it seemed as if the closer I got to the mountain, the louder the horse¡¯s trotting became.


    It seemed as if I became disembodied for a moment and suddenly I was watching myself riding toward the mountain. But it was not me! It was someone else! The hands I looked down upon were worn, human hands!


    Suddenly my four arms touched the mountain and I could hear the trotting of the horse no longer.


    I could feel Caerwyn¡¯s hand on my shoulder as he caught up to me and I turned to him with a single tear in my eye after a moment.


    I was grateful for his kisses as he asked, ¡°what could be bothering you right now, my love?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I can¡¯t explain it.¡± I told him. In a moment, I forced myself to smile and demanded, ¡°more kisses will allay my fears.¡±


    ¡°That can be arranged.¡± He replied and graced my face with more kisses.

 Chapter 73

    Few words can describe how wonderful a paradise is after years and years of loneliness, sadness, anger, and torture. Nothing could take me from that realm where everything was so perfect and idyllic and designed to make me happy.


    There was no conflict or danger around for miles, and most importantly, I had my Caerwyn¡ªthe man of my dreams who I had never forgotten about after all this time.


    I loved every bit of him. I loved his golden hair that looked for all the world like it was made of sunbeams, I adored his freckles, and I loved how he made me feel good about myself¡ªhow he buried me in compliments and showered me in love like no one else did. All I needed to do for him to love me was exist, and there was nothing more comforting and beautiful than that. He knew exactly what to say and do to keep me happy.


    ¡°Do you know what I like best about you?¡± Caerwyn asked me lovingly.


    I waited with bated breath for him to tell me.


    ¡°I love your antennae and how one is slightly more droopy than the other! It¡¯s so cute I can¡¯t stop looking at it!¡± He told me as he kissed the one that was droopier.


    I giggled and blushed at that.


    ¡°You know what else I love?¡± He whispered. ¡°I love how you always treated humans and moths the same. You never thought of me as a monster no matter how poorly you were treated by humans. You always loved me too, right?¡±


    I grinned and tucked my head under his chin. ¡°Of course¡­ You¡¯re perfect. I thought you were too perfect for someone like me. Do you know something? You gave me something irreplaceable.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± He replied.


    The word was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn¡¯t remember what it was suddenly. I chuckled. ¡°I can¡¯t remember, but it was the most important thing in the world.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s an honor to give the most important thing in the world to the most important girl in the world! Did you know the sun only rises and sleeps when you do? It felt like I was dead when you weren¡¯t around. It was torture to love you and¡­ And to want to touch you and make love to you and never be able to.¡± Caerwyn confessed with some difficulty.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°I remember you being away from me, but I don¡¯t remember when or how¡­¡± I said confusedly, and he confessed that he did not remember either.


    I turned my face away from him¡ªoverly flattered by how much he loved me¡ªthere was someone else in my life who was quite different from him¡­ Someone who had trouble showering me in love and compliments like he did, but someone who instead needed me to do that for him. I couldn¡¯t remember who it was.


    It didn¡¯t matter.


    The realm of desire shifted and change again like before with the mountain, and suddenly, before us materialized a little spring of clear water.


    Caerwyn stepped in first and held out a hand to me. I looked into the water curiously as I took his hand and saw something that made me extremely self conscious.


    A memory flashed. A sword slicing downward and carving right down the center of my face. I screamed in fear.


    Caerwyn stepped out of the water and took me in his arm. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°I¡­ There was a sword and¡­¡± I cried.


    He kissed my forehead. ¡°We¡¯ve never been in battle, sweet girl. Don¡¯t cry.¡±


    I breathed in deeply and buried my head further within his naked chest until his arms strangled any bad memories from mind. I took his hand after a moment and stepped into the spring with him.


    __


    In the realm of desire, we could not tell what time it was. It was never day or night and was something in-between. We went to sleep and woke up whenever we wanted to. I awoke with a feeling of utter peace and comfort as I had been doing since I arrived in the realm of desire.


    My eyes fluttered open, and I thought about getting up, but I was so comfortable on Caerwyn¡¯s chest that I closed them again.


    I felt something land on my head, however, and I sat up slowly with a stretch. I enjoyed the lovely red, lustful lighting for a moment before I saw a dove fly by overhead. There was something about that dove that was important that I couldn¡¯t remember.


    I looked down and my eyes lingered on Caerwyn¡¯s missing arm.


    My mind flashed to a large, black dove leaping at Caerwyn¡¯s arm.


    I gasped.


    Caerwyn woke up and yawned. ¡°Just what are you doing up?¡±


    ¡°Caerwyn, how did you lose your arm?¡± I asked him. ¡°I can¡¯t remember.¡±


    ¡°Pretty girl, it¡¯s always been missing. Why are you worrying so much? You should go back to sleep.¡± Caerwyn said drowsily as we both laid back down.


    ¡°But how did it happen?¡± I asked.


    He shrugged. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. Why should we bother with unpleasant things?¡±


    I realized he was right and I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.


    __


    It was all wonderful for such a long time, until I saw them one day when Caerwyn and I were dipping our hands into water from a clean river that had materialized and it slipped through my fingers.


    ¡°Cracks¡­¡± I said sadly.


    Caerwyn looked at me confusedly. ¡°Cracks?¡±


    I nodded. ¡°Don¡¯t you fear them?¡±


    Caerwyn looked very angry and answered, ¡°why should I fear cracks? There are no cracks in a paradise like this.¡±


    I watched him go sadly as I saw the ruby ring on my finger and hugged my stomach in sadness.


    I was beginning to remember.

 Chapter 74

    Iranheim 182


    I sat alone in the realm of desire with an aching sadness settling in my stomach. I was sitting on a stone bench that the realm had materialized for me and staring at the ruby ring on my finger.


    There was a man I had forgotten about¡ªa man with black hair who was very different from Caerwyn. This man needed me desperately. Although Caerwyn would be very unhappy without my love and company, I knew he could manage without it, if only just. This other man, however¡­ This other man needed me to survive.


    This man I could not remember¡­ You needed to peel off layer after layer to see who he really was. On the first layer, he seemed like a cold and cruel man, but deep down, he was sweet¡­ He was afraid of breaking me¡ªafraid of losing me all the time¡ªand touched me like he would a glass doll. He was very important to me, and it hurt me that I couldn¡¯t remember who he was.


    More than that, it hurt me that I was considering leaving both this paradise and Caerwyn to be with this sad man I could not remember.


    I didn¡¯t know what lay outside the paradise, I just knew it was pain that I could no longer handle.


    I hugged my stomach for comfort because Caerwyn had been avoiding me of late. He was angry that I had pointed out the cracks in this perfect fantasy and he no longer wished to hug me until I came to my senses and wished to stay with him.


    I kissed the ruby ring. ¡°What was your name¡­? Where are you right now¡­?¡±


    And suddenly Caerwyn showed up looking upon me with contempt as I kissed the ring. ¡°Have you come to your senses yet? If so, there is plenty of room for you in my arms.¡±


    I looked down at my feet with a shuddering breath. ¡°Can¡¯t you feel it? This place is empty¡­ It is happy, but vacant.¡±


    ¡°No paradise where we are together is empty and vacant.¡± Caerwyn retorted furiously and turned away from me.


    I sniffled and leapt from the bench I was sitting upon¡ªwanting anything other than to be left alone. I begged him as I embraced him, ¡°you were right. Please, pay my lunacy no heed. I want to stay here with you forever. If there is room in your arms, use them to protect me from errant thoughts.¡±


    And he did so. He took the ruby ring from my finger and tossed it into the long grass beside us. I couldn¡¯t thank him enough for that. I wanted to keep this empty paradise, no matter the cost.


    __


    While I was hiding behind a tree in a grove one day and excited for Caerwyn to catch me, I heard laughter. The laughter of children.


    I looked about frantically. Who was intruding on my paradise?


    Their giggles seemed to be coming from all around and echoing in my ears. I saw a little human boy hiding behind a nearby tree, and then I saw a little girl who must have been his sister grinning and marching my way.If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    ¡°Clarence where are you?¡± She called. ¡°You can¡¯t have gone far!¡±


    The boy, Clarence, giggled to himself as his sister¡ªa cute, blond little girl with a lily behind her ear--walked right by where her brother was hiding.


    The little girl saw me and skipped toward me cheerfully. ¡°Hey lady, have you seen my brother, Clarence? My name¡¯s Mary and I have to find him before Daddy calls us in for dinner!¡±


    I looked over at Clarence, who had rotated to the other side of the tree, and then I looked at his sister. ¡°Who¡¯s your Daddy?¡±


    Mary beamed. ¡°Only the best knight in the whole world! His name¡¯s Paul! To be honest, I¡¯ve been waiting for him to call me and my brother in for dinner for a long time¡­¡±


    ¡°Paul?¡± I replied. It sounded so familiar but I couldn¡¯t remember who was attached to that name. ¡°Maybe I can help you find him?¡±


    The little girl scratched her chin. ¡°Well, that would be nice. To be honest, me and Clarence are so far from home that I think we got lost¡­¡±


    I took the little girl¡¯s hand and I asked her, ¡°do you know where your house is? Any information will help.¡±


    Mary shook her head. ¡°Nope!¡±


    Mary cupped her hands around her mouth and called out, ¡°Clarence, where are you! Forget the hide and seek, this lady¡¯s gonna take us home!¡±


    He didn¡¯t emerge, and so I pointed Mary to where he was hiding and she wasted no time in frightening him by tapping his shoulder and saying, boo!


    The boy nearly jumped out of his skin and he elbowed his sister testily. ¡°You don¡¯t have to scare me!¡±


    I grinned for a moment. How I adored children! And these two in particular were so delightful!


    I looked down at my empty womb and felt a familiar sadness again. I stared listlessly forward as the two children ran to my side.


    ¡°What¡¯s the matter, lady?¡± Clarence asked. ¡°Whatever it is, I¡¯m sure Daddy can help you with it! Daddy can help anyone with anything!¡±


    I wiped away a tear and replied with my best smile as I took their hands, ¡°can he? Tell me about him.¡±


    ¡°Well, he¡¯s real quiet!¡± Mary began. ¡°Sometimes he has a hard time expressing his feelings!¡±


    ¡°But, he doesn¡¯t need to! You can feel how much he loves you!¡± Clarence continued elatedly.


    I listened intently as I walked out of the grove of trees and back into the open air. In a moment, I noticed something odd; Clarence¡¯s and Mary¡¯s hands were flickering from physical to transparent.


    ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± I panicked.


    ¡°Sometimes, he blames himself too much for things, though¡­¡± Mary went on sadly. ¡°Mommy left and he never stopped blaming himself. But he¡¯s still the strongest and best Daddy in the world!¡±


    Clarence added wistfully, ¡°I can¡¯t wait to see him again¡­¡±


    And suddenly, the two children stopped in their tracks and tears sprang to their eyes. Mary said, ¡°I have so much to tell him¡­ But we both died before we could. I just know he¡¯s out there¡­ Blaming himself for our deaths.¡±


    Clarence sniffled and wiped his eyes. ¡°I miss Daddy. He¡¯s not here to read me stories anymore or hug me when I cry¡­¡±


    Their bodies were flickering as they both let go of my hands and stood apart from me. Mary took a deep breath and said to me, ¡°lady, I need you to tell my Daddy something because I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll be able to! Tell him me and Clarence love him and that we¡¯ll always be watching over him! And tell him that our deaths and Mommy leaving him weren¡¯t his fault! And please, give him this lily!¡±


    Mary took the lily from behind her ear and gave it to me. She and her brother gazed hopefully at me before they flickered a few more times and disappeared in a shower of golden light.


    I fell to my knees in sadness and shock as I gazed upon the lily and I said aloud, ¡°I promise I will¡­ But I can¡¯t remember who Paul is! I can¡¯t remember anything but pleasure and dazed happiness!¡±


    Caerwyn caught up to me, then, and hefted me to my feet. He asked me when he saw the tears in my eyes, ¡°why should you be crying? There is nothing but joy here.¡±


    I couldn¡¯t tell him of Clarence and Mary. I knew it would only spoil our time together.

 Chapter 75

    ays later, Caerwyn asked me why I was frowning, and I replied, ¡°it¡¯s... cold.¡±


    He fetched some wood for a fire for me. We watched it together in silence until a crack formed in one of the logs which made me weep.


    Caerwyn took me in his arm and tried to comfort me, but the cracks were too plain to see. ¡°There are so many cracks in this empty fantasy¡­¡±


    Caerwyn gritted his teeth. ¡°It¡¯s real, damn you! We¡¯re happy here! This is the only place¡­ This is the only place where you can be mine! Don¡¯t you take this away from me! I have nothing left now that I am no longer a templar! I gave everything up for you!¡±


    I turned away from him and hid my face in my hands. ¡°Can¡¯t you see we are missing something! Can¡¯t you see we have forgotten something very important!¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t! The only important thing is right in front of me! I have her in my arms and I want nothing else! I have dedicated my life to serving others and their happiness in favor of my own! Why can¡¯t I have my own desires? Why does everyone think I can¡¯t love just because I can¡¯t have children!¡± Caerwyn cried in misery.


    I turned to him and began to say, ¡°I¡ª¡±


    ¡°Caerwyn!¡± A young voice suddenly called and interrupted our argument.


    Slowly, Caerwyn and I both turned to where the voice had originated from.


    Caerwyn came face-to-face with an adorable little blond-haired girl who was as unusually beautiful as he was.


    ¡°There you are!¡± She exclaimed.


    Caerwyn was silent and stunned and stared at her in confusion and pain.


    She cocked her head to the side. ¡°Don¡¯t you remember me?¡±


    Caerwyn was still silent as he shook his head while tears poured relentlessly from his eyes. ¡°You look familiar, but¡­¡±


    The little girl looked down. ¡°I suppose you wouldn¡¯t¡­ It has been a very long time, and I think your memories with me were very unpleasant. I wouldn¡¯t blame you for blocking them out. But I¡¯ve been waiting forever to see you!¡±


    The little girl said and excitedly ran toward Caerwyn. She was hoping he would hug her and was hurt and disappointed when he kept his arm lank at his side.


    ¡°Who are you?¡± Caerwyn stepped away from her and fought his own will to remember her. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m your sister, Hannah¡­ I guess you really don¡¯t remember me¡­¡± Hannah said sadly.


    Caerwyn was silent¡ªchoked to the core with sadness. He reached out a trembling hand to her and she took it.


    ¡°Caerwyn¡­ I never regretted running away with you. Not once. Did you regret it? Did you dislike me because Mother treated me so well and you so poorly? Is that why you¡¯re pretending you don¡¯t remember me?¡± Hannah asked sullenly.If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    Caerwyn finally let out a choking sob and fell to his knees. ¡°I love you so much! My memories with you were never unpleasant! It¡¯s myself I hate, not you; I let you die¡ªI couldn¡¯t take care of you!¡±


    Hannah¡¯s form was flickering as the forms of Clarence and Mary had. She put a soothing hand on Caerwyn¡¯s cheek. ¡°You never failed me. Not once. I know¡ªI know you think you¡¯re not a proper man... You always have, but you¡¯re wrong. You took care of and looked after your little sister when you were just a child. That¡¯s the epitome of a strong man! You¡¯ll look after that nice moth girl who¡¯s with you too, right?¡±


    Caerwyn nodded with difficulty. ¡°But you¡¯re here now! I no longer have to feel so alone! We¡¯ll take you out of the realm with us and¡­¡±


    Hannah shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m dead, Caerwyn. I just¡­ Needed to make sure you¡¯d be okay without me. I needed to know you had good memories about me."


    With one last grin the girl said peacefully, ¡°I¡¯m happy you had pleasant memories with me after all!¡±


    Her form flickered one more time and she was gone.


    __


    ¡°There are so many damned cracks!¡± Caerwyn said later as his body shuddered with sadness and he slammed his fist into a tree. ¡°Why did she have to be here? I must find a way to forget again!¡±


    I stood a few feet away from him and looked down as he sobbed. ¡°Caerwyn, do you really wish to live the rest of your life in a fantasy?¡±


    ¡°I have faced nothing but cold, hard reality all my life! I am tired of having faith in people only to be disappointed time and again! All they ever want is power and they¡¯re willing to kill anyone in their way to get it!¡± He spun and faced me. ¡°Except you¡­ You¡¯re different. You¡¯d never hurt anyone; all you want to do is save others. That¡¯s why we belong together.¡±


    I was going to protest, but a sound entered my mind. An audible thud. Pain was flooding my mind, and before I could remember what the sound was attached to, I quickly said, ¡°you¡¯re right! We must forget again! I will not face a reality where nothing but pain and disappointment await me! I have always endeavored to be kind and it has done nothing for anyone! I want you now and only you. You¡¯re my fantasy.¡±


    And we forgot again.


    __


    Things were perfect again. The fantasy had no cracks but for the occasional hairline ones that would form when I lingered on Caerwyn¡¯s missing arm for too long or when I gazed upon the scratches cutting across my fur for too long.


    Yes, things were perfect¡­ until another phantom encountered me as I awoke in Caerwyn¡¯s arms one day. This time, it was a silken green moth who was sitting down and sharpening his sword on a rock.


    I sat up and cringed away from him defensively. ¡°Who are you? Leave us!¡±


    The man looked up at me and put his sword aside for a moment. ¡°I am Umari.¡±


    ¡°Umari?¡± I queried, and then with a sour expression I added. ¡°I do not want you here. Leave me!"


    He ignored me as he looked upon my wrist and he nodded. ¡°You have my bracelet. Meridi must have given it to you. That girl¡­¡±


    The stoic green moth looked down and was not so stoic for a moment as tears formed in his black eyes and he stopped sharpening his sword. ¡°That girl was always such a troublemaker¡ªeven as a child she was¡­¡±


    A wobbly smile came to his face. ¡°She always loved swordplay and men¡¯s clothes¡­ I knew from the beginning that she was not suited to be a wife. Ah, such a precious and vibrant girl she always was, though! She never cared what anyone thought of her! I saw how passionate she was about swordplay and other manly habits and I encouraged her and trained her. I just¡­ Never wanted her for the harsh life of a man.


    ¡°She could feel it, too¡­ My disapproving eyes upon her. She told me so.¡±


    The man hung his head for a long moment and let himself cry. I looked down at my bracelet sadly and hung my own head.


    The man met my eyes as his form began to flicker. ¡°You must be a friend of hers if you have her bracelet. Young Lady, you must tell her for me¡­ Tell her that it doesn¡¯t matter to me what she does with her life. She has my full approval because I know she has the talent to be anything. This sword here is a human sword made of metal that she always wanted, but I never gave it to her because I didn¡¯t think she had earned it. I want you to give it to her now.¡±


    And Umari¡¯s form flickered one more time and he disappeared with the sword he held falling to the ground.


    I knelt and held the flat side of the sword with open palms while hanging my head silently.


    I looked up at the sky and cried, ¡°Why are you tormenting me? I do not wish to go back!¡±


    The cracks were reforming already.

 Chapter 76

    Iranheim 182


    I spent many days within the realm of desire sitting by myself after that. When I saw Caerwyn approaching, I would avoid him.


    I was remembering everything. I remembered my happy life with my family, the years of isolation as I was locked in a cage, but I could not remember past that.


    As I sat alone, I stared forward with empty tears and knew that once again desire was losing to duty. I couldn¡¯t spend my life in an empty fantasy. I had to go back, but I didn¡¯t want to face life anymore. I no longer had the tools.


    I held the lily from Mary and the sword from Umari in hand and felt a coldness eating at my heart.


    And in that moment, I let myself remember everything. The thud the fall, and that sweet, adorable red-headed boy who I loved most in the world.


    I leaned my head upon the hilt of Umari¡¯s sword and cried, ¡°someone help me¡­ Someone show me what to do¡­¡±


    I felt so alone. There was no one to help.


    A strong hand grabbed my shoulder.


    I looked behind me.


    Mother looked me in the eyes with a gentle smile. ¡°There you are, My Darling. Why are you shutting yourself away in this land of the dead?¡±


    ¡°Mother!¡± I cried and I threw my arms around her.


    She stroked the back of my head and kissed my forehead lovingly. ¡°There, there, My Darling¡­ What ails you? Why should you hide yourself away from the people who need and care about you?¡±


    ¡°Terry is dead, Mother! I loved him so much! He was the only one left who understood me entirely!¡± I confided in her. ¡°I have no strength to do anything! It is just as the lustful god said!¡±


    ¡°My Darling, you are wrong. Who brought humans and moths together in as little time as a year? It was not Paris, nor Caerwyn, nor Paul, nor Meridi. It was you. You have love in your heart just the same as you always have. It is true you have no powers to hurt or destroy, but you have powers to unite and inspire.¡± Mother encouraged me.


    I stepped away from her for a moment and asked her, ¡°what am I to do Mother? Even if what you say is true? I can¡¯t defeat the lustful god with love!¡±


    Mother shook her head. ¡°But you can, My Darling. That red-headed boy knew it the same way I did. He made the ultimate sacrifice so you would have a chance at defeating the lustful god. He knew that as long as he lived¡ªas long as he had the power to heal and protect the lustful god¡ªthere was no way he could ever be defeated and the world would come under his rule easily. He gave you what you needed to be able to destroy him.¡±


    I wiped a tear forming in my eye again and asked Mother, ¡°what shall I do, then? How can I defeat him with love?¡±


    Mother sat down and opened her arms¡ªmotioning me to sit on her lap like she used to do when I was younger and she wanted to tell me a story.


    I did so and she began telling me a story. ¡°Let me tell you, my darling, the story of a man, a woman, and their child, and you will understand then, how to help the lustful god.¡±


    I asked curiously like I would when I was a child, ¡°help him¡­?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Help him; that must be your ultimate goal.¡± Mother told me with a deep breath before beginning the story. ¡°There was a beautiful woman named Rala, the most beautiful sprite in all the land. She was renowned for her kindness and bestowed many gifts upon the mortals she lived amongst and became known as the queen of the other sprites she lived with.¡±


    ¡°Sprite? I thought she was a goddess?¡± I interrupted again.


    Mother shook her head. ¡°No, My Darling¡­ They were all originally merely sprites. It was we moths who made them into gods and goddesses. One of the goddesses, Halotyne, a kind and level-headed woman, was a friend of mine and spoke to me in my dreams often. She told me the truth of the moth gods and goddesses long ago.¡±


    I let that sink in. I asked her, ¡°why did you tell me they were gods and goddesses if you knew they weren¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°Because it is apart of our culture; because you needed to have faith in something as all mortals do. I could not tell moths, much less my own daughter, that what they had been told and taught for hundreds and hundreds of years was false and expect them to believe me.¡± Mother explained.


    I was silent as I thought of that, and then Mother continued. ¡°There was another sprite Rala met; a handsome man by the name of Rokk. He was not like the other sprites; he seemed to be an odd mutation. He had no powers over earth or light like the other sprites did, he seemed a step down from them. He was very similar to what humans are these days. She quickly fell in love with the man and made him her husband, and they had a child together named Marara, who would later become the lustful god.¡±


    ¡°Marara is his name?¡± I asked.


    Mother nodded. ¡°Yes. That is his name. Rala loved the man and her son, and for a time, they were a happy family. But Rala was becoming¡­ Entrenched in mortal affairs. She went from bestowing grand gifts upon them to ruling over them. She thrived on their love and affections and wanted nothing more than to be worshipped by them. She gave her attention to them over her own son and husband. All the while her child was having difficulties growing up. Marara was doing well at first, even if his mother was ignoring him in favor of humans, because of his father. Rokk gave the boy all the love and attention he needed for the young dove to grow happily, but Rokk himself was beginning to become unhappy.¡±Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    Mother took a deep breath before continuing.


    I felt very comfortable in her arms as I closed my eyes like I did when I was a child and listened intently.


    ¡°His wife was obsessed with the love of strangers and ignored her own family in favor of their love. Rokk lived in her shadow and raised their child alone. But he began to feel rejected and alone, and his love was withering up inside him until he had very little left to give to their growing child. Love-starved, the man met a moth woman who gave him what he needed to keep taking care of Marara; affection. Rala, of course, found out about it and killed the mothwoman. They had violent and angry arguments in front of Marara, who grew bitter and estranged from both parents as both parents became more and more jaded.¡± Mother went on with some difficulty.


    Mother would always pause like that when she came to a part in a story that she found difficult to tell.


    ¡°The father kept sleeping with dozens of women who the mother would promptly kill, and Marara was subject to seeing both these affairs and the deaths of several of these women. Finally, Rala was so enraged, and she had lost her way so much, that she killed her husband in front of their child, and the child became withdrawn and quiet and began showing behavior that was odd. He began¡­ Killing small animals¡ªpecking at their eyes--and Rala, being so drunk on love by mortals, ignored her child and his troublesome behavior.¡± Mother was trembling with sadness as she took a ragged breath. ¡°I will never understand her. I can¡¯t understand a mother ignoring her child who so clearly needed her.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s why you¡¯re the best Mother!¡± I said as if I were still a child, and Mother kissed my forhead with an appreciative grin.


    Mother continued.


    ¡°It wasn¡¯t long before Marara, hateful toward his mother and other women, began amassing a cult of mothmen who shared his ideals and worshipped him for giving them presents and triggering the lust in their hearts. His cult grew powerful, and together with them, he enslaved the mortal women and¡­ And they were not treated well under his rule. Rala saw this happening and gathered the other gods with the intention of killing her own son. She succeeded, but not without the death toll for mortals being high. Many were on Rala¡¯s side, and many were on Marara¡¯s side. Do you understand, My Darling?¡±


    I was very quiet as I let that story sink in.


    I understood. And I hated that I understood. ¡°You want me to show him the love he deserved that his mother never gave him?¡±


    There was a moment of silence and love between us, and I just let myself feel loved and warm in her embrace before I noticed something that made my heart drop. Mother''s arms that held me were flickering from physical to transparent.


    Mother!¡± I cried with a sniffle. ¡°Don¡¯t leave me! How could you leave me?¡±


    I leapt up from her lap and she looked at me with the proudest face a mother had ever given her daughter. She said to me, ¡°I have told you everything you need to know now, and so I am going to heaven. You don¡¯t need me anymore.¡±


    I cried loudly and continuously like a lost child would. ¡°I can¡¯t do it without you, Mother! I am¡­ I am worthless¡­¡±


    With her body flickering, Mother stood up and approached me with her head held high and lifted my chin up so I met her eyes. ¡°Listen to your mother; no matter what anyone has done to you, you are still the strong, brave, and lovely girl I gave birth to. You are not a victim, despite so many people trying to make you into one. You still have so much love in your heart, despite evil and cruel people trying to squeeze it out of you. You can do this. You know it better than I, because you have surpassed me.¡±


    ¡°Mother!¡± I cried and tried to throw my arms around her, but she disappeared in a shower of light before I could embrace her.


    I fell to my knees where she stood and wept like a lost child.


    But her voice echoed in my mind over and over again as I sobbed.


    You are not a victim.


    You are not a victim.


    You are not a victim.


    And with strength in my hand I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath. I stood up and held my head high with my shoulders back.


    I found strength. It was not mother¡¯s or father¡¯s, but rather, my own. I had reached down deep inside myself and found a reservoir of it. It came from the desire of wanting to protect the people I loved most in the world.


    It came from a desire of wanting to fulfill Terry¡¯s last wish.


    How good it felt to remember him again. I sniffled with a smile as I allowed myself to think of the beautiful and good times I had with him rather than focusing on his last moments. I giggled with happy tears in my eyes as I remembered him sticking that flower behind his ear because he didn¡¯t want to be upstaged by Paul. I remembered his strong and comforting hands on mine as he guided me on how to defend myself with a sword, and I remembered how he used those same hands to take mine from the knife I would have used to commit suicide with long ago.


    Nobody could take those memories away from me. Caerwyn may have saved my physical life when he rescued me from that cage, but Terry had saved me emotionally.


    __


    I searched for Caerwyn and found him sitting alone and looking just as heartbroken, but resolved, as I did. I put a hand on his shoulder as I noticed tears springing to his eyes.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe I ever let myself forget my sister. I should be ashamed,¡± he said with a wobbly smile and a shaky voice.


    I let him cry for a moment as he closed his green eyes and I knew he was thinking of comforting memories with his sister.


    After a moment, he took a deep breath. He looked at me with a smile and I helped him up. The realm of desire gave our clothes back, and we donned them and became intelligent creatures once again as the realm of desire began melting away. I noticed the ruby ring Caerwyn had tossed glinting in the long grass and I quickly grabbed it and then returned to Caerwyn¡¯s side.


    ¡°Do you know what I miss most about him?¡± Caerwyn asked me with an unsteady voice.


    I shook my head.


    ¡°Just¡­ How much brighter and happier he made life. I thought I would never have any close friends or family when Hannah died, but Terry proved me wrong.¡± Caerwyn said as the realm of desire melted away.


    I looked around in astonishment at where we ended up with a giant grin blooming on my face.


    We were back in Nui, and there were thousands of people cheering for us.


    Among them were Paris, Meridi, and Paul. I squealed with happy tears and went to greet them in the midst of the crowd.


    I kissed both of Paris¡¯ cheeks and asked him, ¡°you rallied the knights? You rallied all of these people?¡±


    Paris shook his head and kissed me back lovingly. ¡°No, Mimi, you did. They¡¯re here for you.¡±


    I looked around at the cheering crowd with happy tears and sniffled. My smile turned to a frown when I saw how unhappy Caerwyn was while I was in Paris¡¯ arms.


    He looked at his feet sadly and melted backward into the crowd.

 Chapter 77

    Wenberheim 182


    Paris informed me that an entire four months had past while Caerwyn and I were in the realm of desire, and I had never felt guiltier in my life. To think I had become so selfish to abandon my friends for so long. Terry and Mother would have been so disappointed. The last thing I wanted to do was fail that sweet boy.


    Paris took me inside Castle Nui, away from the cheering and admiring crowd¡ªsome of which were quite literally throwing themselves at my feet¡ªand into our old and comfortable quarters where I sat down on the bed with tears of relief and comfort in my eyes.


    Paris looked down at his feet. ¡°I¡­ Of course heard what happened to Terry. That girl he was courting¡ªthe sweet peasant girl¡ªis absolutely devastated. I¡¯ll miss him too. He was such a sunny and kind young man from what I saw of him.¡±


    I could tell he was sincere. He had light tears lining his eyes. I feared I would never be unable to weep whenever somebody mentioned Terry.


    His death hurt more than my own family¡¯s death. My eyes flooded with painful tears as Paris comfortingly hugged me and kissed my face.


    A guilt in my heart reemerged as I knew Caerwyn must be sitting somewhere by himself and longing for my embrace as he had lost his loyal and loving squire who probably meant just as much to him as he did to me. And here I was not only betraying his affections, but Paris¡¯ as well.


    Paris kissed the ruby ring on my hand and said to me with a wobbly voice, ¡°Mimi, I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m such a worthless coward. You were right to call me that before when I wouldn¡¯t rally the knights for you. I have heard of the pain you suffered and I wanted nothing more than to¡­ Than to make myself pay in some sort of way for not fighting for your safety.¡±


    I shook my head and pulled him closer. ¡°I was wrong to call you that. There was nothing you could have done. I was cruel and hasty with my words and I should be the one who is sorry.¡±


    Paris wiped his tears away and managed a smile. ¡°But you know what? With what you called me and everything that happened¡­ I thought I would have¡ªI would have¡­¡±


    He looked down at his wrists and I put my hands on them and kissed them.


    He went on bravely. ¡°I thought I would have harmed myself again--but I have found something inside myself that I did not know was there. I just thought of what you said about holding my head high and standing up straight¡­ And I remembered everything you had been through and how strong you are despite all of it. You have always clung to life, despite suffering worse than I ever had. You brought humans and moths together and you opened my heart and saved my life. God, it would be such a waste to ever consider throwing such a precious thing away again after that. You made me strong.¡±Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.


    I smiled and I felt like I could finally do it, then. I coaxed the bird out of his head with soothing words and soothing hands and I knew his eyes would be forever blue from then on.


    I took a moment to just hold him and weep happily as I understood him completely at long last.


    At the core of his being was simply a man who suffered¡ªa man who brought such suffering upon himself for no good reason¡ªand he had found the strength to allay that man¡¯s eternal suffering so he could live normally like the rest of us.


    ¡°What happened Paris?¡± I asked him after I freed the bird from his head. ¡°How did you escape and rally all these people?¡±


    ¡°Meridi brought the army of Gracet and broke me out with her powers gifted to her by the moth god and told me everything you had done behind my back.¡± Paris said with a grin. ¡°Honestly Mimi¡­ You are so conniving. Arranging a ball so you could have a word with your people.¡±


    I giggled at that and replied in surprise, ¡°Gracet is now allied with Nui?¡±


    Paris nodded and gave me a kiss on the forehead. ¡°There is talk around all the kingdoms¡ªI don¡¯t know how it was spread¡ªof a lady so good and kind that she brought moths and humans together in a single year and made the kingdom of Nui the happiest and most prosperous place of all for all its citizens. Many kingdoms were inspired by your story and¡ªI guess I got to share in your success because they all thought I must be a good and kind man as well because as soon as Gracet came here to rescue me from the occupation with the intention of wanting to meet you, more kingdoms came and joined the alliance and had nothing but praise for both me and you. They wanted me to lead them, and I found the charisma and confidence to ask more and more kingdoms for help while you were away. Most of them came due to the carefully worded and heartfelt letters I wrote them about you.¡±


    Paris placed a hand on my cheek and looked at me intently. ¡°I never thought a woman could have such power.¡±


    I kissed his nose and replied, ¡°I¡¯m so proud of you, Paris. I don¡¯t think they would have come if you hadn¡¯t inspired them to. How did you know I would appear in Nui?¡±


    Paris looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. ¡°Nobody knew where you or the templar were¡­ Many thought you were dead¡ªmyself included¡­ And I wasn¡¯t sure I could make it without you, but a woman appeared to me in my dreams. A woman made of water who told me you would appear in Nui on this day at this time having overcome much trauma and suffering and finding the love in your heart again. Did you¡­ Did you find it?¡±


    I nodded silently and thought of my strength¡ªTerry and Mother¡ªand looked upward toward the heavens. ¡°I found it.¡±


    Paris looked down. ¡°Mimi, I¡¯m not sure you¡¯re ready to read it just yet, but¡­ The peasant girl ¡ªLina¡ªwho Terry was courting said he kept a journal and she said she wanted you to have it.¡±


    Paris stood up, opened a drawer in the desk, and retrieved a thick and torn journal with a brown cover and placed it in my hands. My eyes immediately flooded with tears as I held the journal close. I asked Paris, ¡°would you mind giving me some time alone to read a little of it?¡±


    Paris shook his head and left me for a time.

 Chapter 78

    Keeping a journal is such an annoying pain, but the head priest says I must as he thinks it will help drain the evil emotions out of me. The man is an uptight ass.


    I giggled a little as I began reading and sniffled.


    Nobody really likes me here. I think they heard of my mother and what I¡¯m like. I wish I didn¡¯t have such violent tendencies--I scare myself sometimes. But there¡¯s a nice man here who I¡¯m squiring for named Caerwyn! He looks and acts like a girl, but he¡¯s very kind to me and I can tell he likes me, too. I feel¡ªpretty appreciative of that.


    I took a deep breath with tears in my eyes as I kept reading with an incredibly heavy heart and feelings of joy at the same time.


    He was such a funny boy.


    He described his chores around the temple as so boring that they made time stand still and he described the boys at the temple as annoying fools¡ªsaying that a dog he knew was better and more intelligent company than them.


    However, he described prayer as peaceful and soothing and loved going to Mass with the other boys. He wrote that there was something enlightening and special about it that made him feel, at least in the moment, that he was a part of a group and accepted. I understood that well.


    He described being bled by the priests periodically for consistently getting into fights with the other boys and spewing hateful language at them.


    It hurt, but I guess I deserved it. It does calm me down, at least. He had written. I wiped a tear from my eye as I read on.


    Eventually, I came upon the entry in which he wrote about leaving the temple to go rescue me.


    Caerwyn is a strange man. He says we are going to set out tomorrow to rescue an ugly moth princess from giants. I guess he feels sorry for her. He seems so passionate about it though! I really don¡¯t mind going, either. Living in the temple day-by-day is really boring. I guess it¡¯ll be nice to see a woman again, even if she is ugly.


    I laughed a little at that. There was a time when I may have taken offense, but I had come to accept that most humans just didn¡¯t think moths attractive, and Terry was always so humorous and kind about stating how he didn¡¯t find us attractive that I couldn¡¯t be offended.


    You know, meeting her¡­ There¡¯s something so sweet about her. I¡¯ve never met a woman like that¡ªleast of all mother. I like her; I like her a lot. I think she needs a friend like I do, too. I¡¯m gonna try to do something out of the ordinary for me! I¡¯m gonna be really nice to her and befriend her! I hope she ends up staying at the temple with us!


    My tears soaked that page thoroughly as I grinned and clapped a hand to my mouth with joy and sadness.


    I had to take a break from reading for a moment after I pored over that entry. I clasped the journal close to my heart with love for a moment, and then I continued while consistently dabbing tears away from my eyes.


    She was thinking about committing suicide today¡­ She had her hand on a knife. Luckily I stopped her by telling her that I¡¯d be with her. I don¡¯t think this about many people, but I think the world would be a considerably worse place without a lovely lady like her in it. I can tell that she has so much to give to the world, and I want to help her give the world the things that it needs. I think I found a place where I feel comfortable and happy, and it¡¯s at her side.


    I couldn¡¯t read anymore. My eyes were in too much pain from crying and my heart in too much pain from aching. I looked up and thought to myself, thank you for saving my life.Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    __


    Paris informed me that the lustful god was approaching Nui with the intent to take it with all the armies he had conquered in tow. He told me he would be in Nui in about a week in which we would prepare and come up with a plan. For today, however, everyone just wanted me to relax.


    Later that day, I took the time to talk to both Paul and Meridi quietly. I had things to give them.


    First I called Paul to my quarters. I sat on my bed and Paul sat next to me.


    ¡°What is it you wished to speak of, My Lady?¡± Paul queried.


    I hung my head and looked upon the lily his daughter had given me that I held in my lap. ¡°I met someone while I was in the realm of desire¡­¡±


    ¡°Oh? Who?¡± Paul responded curiously.


    I took a deep breath. ¡°Two wonderful children named Clarence and Mary¡­¡±


    Paul looked at me in shock.


    He tried to say something, but the words caught in his throat.


    I had their adorable little faces in my mind to guide me to say what Paul needed to hear. ¡°They were amazing Paul, and they loved you so much. But they worry about you.¡±


    Paul swallowed a lump in his throat as his eyes turned glassy and he listened to me intently.


    ¡°They say you blame yourself for many things that weren¡¯t your fault. They say you blame yourself to this day for things that happened long ago. They want you to know that you¡¯re the strongest and best daddy in the world, and they want you to stop blaming yourself for their deaths and your wife leaving. They miss how you read to them before bed and how you hugged them when they cried¡­¡± I sobbed and thought of my own Daddy while saying it and how much I missed him.


    Paul was blinking away tears as he focused on me while I told him of his beautiful children. I gave him the lily and said, ¡°Mary wants you to have that and she wants you to know that she¡¯ll always be watching over you along with Clarence.¡±


    Paul cried gentle tears befitting that of an old gentleman and sniffled as he closed his eyes and gave himself a moment to think of his children. He took a deep breath, gently placed the lily behind his ear, and hugged me close. ¡°Thank you, Mimi¡­ Those children were the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish I could tell them just how much I loved them, too. I was never good at expressing how beloved they were to me.¡±


    ¡°They know it, Paul. They could feel it.¡± I assured him.


    It felt so good to give that sweet old man closure on his children and peace of mind about them.


    __


    I found Meridi in the city next as night descended upon us. The silken moth woman was in a crowd¡ªspeaking to humans and moths alike excitedly.


    She turned to me when she saw me coming and rushed over to me¡ªnearly hopping with happiness. ¡°Mimi! Mimi!¡±


    I giggled a little as she shook my shoulders. ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°H-h-h-humans are so interesting! I never guessed that they could be anything but loathsome, but I was wrong! T-t-t-their religion, their art, their wines and beer! It¡¯s all so interesting and different from ours! I love it!¡± Meridi exclaimed.


    I smiled and looked at the crowd of humans and moths in joy. I had the sword her brother had given me hidden behind my back and I asked her, ¡°can you join me away from the crowd for a moment? I have something to tell you.¡±


    Meridi nodded and I led her away to an isolated bench near a torch which fireflies were attracted to.


    ¡°W-w-w-what is it you wanted to talk about?¡± Meridi wondered.


    I cleared my throat. ¡°I met someone in the realm of desire.¡±


    Meridi scratched her cheek. ¡°W-w-who?¡±


    ¡°Your brother. He wanted you to know that he approves of whatever you do with your life, and you have his full support. Any disapproval he had toward you was merely because he loved you so much and worried about you. The life of a man¡­¡± I took a deep breath, trying my hardest not to cry once again, to no avail. ¡°The life of a man is very dangerous.¡±


    Meridi hugged me close and whispered, ¡°t-t-thank you for telling me that. I always wanted his approval. Did he seem¡­ Well? W-w-was he content?¡±


    I nodded vigorously. ¡°He was very content.¡±


    Meridi sighed happily. ¡°I-I-I needed to hear that¡­¡±


    I disengaged from our hug and revealed the sword to her. ¡°He said you always wanted this sword, but he never had a chance to give it to you.¡±


    Meridi snatched the sword with a happy grin. ¡°Ah! H-h-he was always keeping this from me! He must¡­ He must truly approve if he finally found me worthy enough to give it to me. Without his support, who knows where I¡¯d be? Probably just another wife and mother¡­¡±


    I frowned at that. ¡°Some of us would kill to be a mother.¡±


    Meridi patted my shoulder. ¡°I know, I¡¯m sorry. I should pick my words more carefully. B-b-but¡­ This is wonderful Mimi. Thank you so much.¡±


    Meridi held the blade of the sword flat on her hands with a downward smile. ¡°It means so much to hear his last words and know how much he loved me. We m-m-m-must always keep the memory of our loved ones alive, Mimi, by setting time aside to just remember them and how wonderful they were. How meaningful their lives are, even in death.¡±


    Truer words were never spoken.

 Chapter 79

    Wenberheim 182


    Paris and the kings of the other kingdoms gathered in his council room the next day with me in tow to fill me in on all the details of what was happening.


    I took a seat next to Paris and listened closely to what everyone had to say.


    I saw only one familiar face in the small gathering of kings sitting at the table; King Tomoya. I smiled at him when I recognized him and he smiled back.


    Everyone else I had never met before.


    There was the king of Gracet named Bartholomew, Paris, Tomoya, and two more kings at the table. One of them said they were from a kingdom to the southwest called Prane, and the other said they were from a kingdom further east called Hirt.


    As they filled me in on the details, I began to realize how hopeless the situation was and just why these kings had come to Nui in the wild hope that Paris and I could help them.


    ¡°Torr has conquered seven kingdoms since you were gone. We cannot hope to win this fight. We are hoping you have a miracle up your sleeve like you did for bringing moths and humans together. We all knew you must be charitable people willing to work with us if you treated moths so well.¡± The King of Prane said, turning to me hopefully.


    I placed my hands on top of the table and answered, ¡°who has been telling you all these things? How has word of me spread so quickly?¡±


    Paris answered, ¡°we aren¡¯t sure. Word just spread of your exploits so fast and so many kingdoms were made to admire you. There is rumor of an old woman who began spreading your story with such vigor and admiration in taverns that she practically made you a legend.¡±


    I giggled at such a silly idea. ¡°I am no legend, I regret to inform you all, and I have no grand powers. I know how to defeat Torr, however. But first, I must tell you all a story, and I need you to believe it no matter what.¡±


    The kings were silent as they gazed upon me. Paris said to them, ¡°just listen to her. You may or may not want to believe what she says, but I think once she¡¯s finished, you¡¯ll have to.¡±


    And I began telling them all I knew about the moth gods and told them about the lustful god who lingered within King Torr¡¯s body and everything else they needed to know about the current situation.


    Everyone was shocked when I finished telling them, but they all also breathed a sigh of relief. ¡°It is good to know that that poor boy¡¯s powers did not come from our God, at least. It came from no god, in fact, if Mimi is to be believed--but instead a powerful sprite.¡±


    I nodded and wished he had not mentioned Terry as I nearly cried anytime someone did, but I took a deep breath and I said, ¡°and so, what I need to do is get close to the lustful god and¡­ I need to find a way to love him and coax the evilness out of him.¡±


    The kings looked at each other and then at me. Paris said with a grin, ¡°what have we got to lose? We will all come under the lustful god¡¯s rule unless we try. We just need to get Mimi close enough to the monster so that she can help him.¡±


    Tomoya crossed his arms. ¡°Does he deserve to be helped? He¡¯s killed thousands and more. I¡¯d rather he die.¡±


    I sighed and kept that thought of the lustful god in my head of when he was just a child who wanted and needed to be loved by his parents. He didn¡¯t deserve to die. He deserved a second chance at life.


    It was so hard to keep that thought in my head, however. The beast had taken so much from me. But I said to the kings, ¡°what I need for you all to do is keep the lustful god¡¯s army busy and we need to gather all the moths in Nui and ask if any of them has the power to warp me close to the lustful god.¡±


    They saw no choice in the matter and all the kings cheered me on. ¡°May you find the strength in your heart to love this monster. Nobody else can.¡±


    Paris and all the kings said loudly, ¡°we are all proud to be the Queen¡¯s Faithful!¡±


    I shed a tear at that name. It would never be the same without Terry.


    __


    Unfortunately, none of the moths in Nui knew how to warp which would make things considerably more difficult. As the kings made preparations for the war to come, I realized something very important. Caerwyn could get us to the lustful god¡¯s side if he could open a door for us. I needed to find him and speak to him.


    I asked around the city for a golden-haired templar and everyone pointed me to the chapel inside the castle.Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    I went there with resolve in my heart and found Caerwyn praying and begging for forgiveness on his knees.


    I joined him in silence for a moment as I, too, prayed. After he finished, Caerwyn stood up with a frown and pulled his cloak self-consciously closer about his missing arm to hide it. I looked down.


    ¡°Caerwyn, I need you in this upcoming battle.¡± I began slowly.


    Caerwyn looked quietly at his feet and did not reply.


    I went on, ¡°I need your door, Caerwyn. Not only that, but I need you to help me coax the evilness out of the lustful god¡¯s heart. Both his parents abandoned him and mistreated him. He needs a father¡¯s love as well as a mother¡¯s and I know you have great love in your heart like I do.¡±


    Caerwyn turned away from me and murmured, ¡°I can¡¯t do this anymore. I have become a jealous and petty man. I want nothing more than to be a templar again.¡±


    I asked him quietly, ¡°do you hate me?¡±


    ¡°Of course not. I hate how events have transpired and how they have led an innocent boy to die and led you back into that man¡¯s arms.¡± Caerwyn replied.


    I could hear the lump in his throat and I avoided his gaze with a heavy heat.¡°I have treated you both so poorly. I can¡¯t apologize enough. But please, I beg of you to find love in your heart one more time so that you may help me. For Terry.¡±


    There was a long moment of silence before Caerwyn turned around with a smile and tears in his eyes. He nodded. ¡°I don¡¯t know how much use I will be with only one arm, but¡­ For Terry.¡±


    __


    As the lustful god¡¯s army approached, I let Paris and the other kings make preparations for the coming war as it was not my expertise, and in the meanwhile, I set time aside everyday to talk to all of my close friends including Paul, Meridi, Paris, and Caerwyn.


    We had a grand time and all reminisced about happier things and somehow the conversation would always lead back to that red-headed boy and how he made the world brighter for all of us.


    But the time for joyous things was coming to an end. Paris and the other kings decided it would be best for our army to ride out and meet theirs rather than holing up in the castle. They wanted to keep civilians safe and they decided the best way to get me to the lustful god¡¯s side was in the confusion of a large battle outside the castle.


    I was glad to have Meridi on our side as she had the powers of the sun and could blind the enemy army¡ªa gift she had been bequeathed recently from Hypthos.


    As I prepared to set out with our army, I decided to read one more entry in Terry¡¯s journal.


    I haven¡¯t written in this journal for a long time, and I think this will be my last entry. Thanks to Mimi¡¯s efforts, I feel as if all the evilness and violence has been drained from my soul and I have no need to write down my feelings anymore. Nui has turned into a happy and comfortable place for all¡ªincluding me¡ªand I never could have guessed that I would ever look forward to the future, but here I am. I feel like the future will only hold good things for me.


    __


    The lustful god¡¯s army was caught by surprise when we decided to meet them in battle in an open field miles away from Nui. Their army dwarfed ours and the lustful god had a hateful sneer on his face as he looked upon our feeble last attempt to resist him.


    There was no parley. The two armies ran at one another with no grace or ceremony as blood stained white snow red in the freezing winter season.


    I was reminded once again of how terrible warfare was as I nearly went deaf with the noise of battle. Caerwyn was by my side¡ªall but useless with his preferred sword arm gone¡ªand Paris had taken to the battle field at the front of the army despite being a poor rider and a poor swordsman. Paul was by his side to protect him and watch over him while Meridi used her powers as prophetess to sit at the back of the army and make the sun pulse with brightness to blind the enemy army.


    Caerwyn and I bustled through the fighting as cold snow continuously graced our faces and we tried to make our way to the lustful god who we had spotted somewhere to our left in a crowd of faces.


    A soldier charged us and Caerwyn tried to fend him off with his left hand¡ªbut the soldier easily disarmed Caerwyn and swung a deathblow at him that was stopped by me.


    I caught the man by surprise and stabbed him in the back. Caerwyn thanked me and looked ashamed and crestfallen at the fact that he could no longer protect me.


    We kept moving.


    My heart was beating fast and I could not shake my nerves. My legs were wobbly as I could think of nothing else than the consequences of my failure.


    The battlefield was soon soaked in black liquid as it had been in the battle against Lowen. Much of the enemy army facing the sun which Meridi made pulse with light were still blinded which gave our combined armies a fighting chance--but there was only so long Meridi could keep that up. Magic always had its limits.


    Caerwyn and I ran into many enemy soldiers who could have easily killed us¡ªbut we kept getting lucky. There was always an ally soldier around to defend us and dispatch our attackers. Caerwyn looked hopeless the entire time and I worried about him endlessly. I needed him to have love in his heart and faith in his soul if we were to coax the evilness out of the lustful god.


    We followed the trail of the black liquid and came ever closer to the lustful god as we were consistently attacked and rescued.


    However, the closer we got to the lustful god, the further he seemed to move back within his own army and I was in misery that we may never catch him.


    As I breathed raggedly and panicked about not being able to catch the ever moving lustful god, an enemy soldier tackled Caerwyn to the ground. Caerwyn tried to struggle free, but with only one arm, he simply didn¡¯t have the strength. I came to his aid¡ªready to stab his attacker¡ªbut another soldier ran at me and I had to block his blows instead.


    I kept glancing at Caerwyn who was staring listlessly at his soon-to-be killer and who had stopped struggling. As I blocked my own attacker¡¯s blows I yelled at him, ¡°fight Caerwyn! Fight! You can¡¯t give up! Where are your convictions?¡±


    His attacker held his blade high, ready to slam his blade down on Caerwyn¡¯s face. I yelled, ¡°Terry always had faith! Right up until the end! Where has yours gone? God has not forsaken you, you have forsaken Him by losing your faith!¡±


    Empowered by my words, I saw the will to fight and live sparked in Caerwyn¡¯s eyes again and he kicked the man off him with all his strength and rolled to the side as the man plunged his sword downward.


    Just as my own attacker had disarmed me and was going to run me through, Caerwyn drew a door in the air, grabbed me about the waist, and pulled me through it.


    We were brought to the lustful god¡¯s side.


    Magic had its limits, but faith had none, it seemed.

 Chapter 80

    The lustful god faced us with contempt written on his face. He clenched his teeth as he gazed upon us with his black eyes boring into us. In a moment, his grimace changed to a smirk. ¡°I see you two have returned to see the end like I always planned. Once I get rid of the protection that useless boy gave you two, you will be at my mercy!¡±


    I tried so hard not to get angry--not to hate the lustful god for insulting Terry¡¯s memory-- but I couldn¡¯t. I retorted, ¡°you are a monster!¡±


    Caerwyn tried to keep me calm and he placed a hand on my shoulder.


    But it was too late. The hate slipped out of me and empowered the lustful god. He grinned and shifted into a black dove again with a giant beak. He launched himself at me and was deflected by golden light that burned him¡ªhe shrieked in pain.


    The hair that Terry had blessed was in a small sack tied around my neck and was protecting me.


    The dove grinned hideously with red eyes and murmured, ¡°two more times and I can bite your head off, girl!¡±


    I had a thought in my mind to help me love the lustful god. I had to bring it forth now to quell the rage in my heart toward him.


    He deserves love. He needs it! He deserves the chance we all have at birth, but never got! I know I would be just like this pitiful creature if not for Mother and Daddy! I repeated to myself in my mind.


    I grabbed the black dove around his waist and he shrieked as I repeated what I said in my mind aloud.


    Terry¡¯s powers protected me once again as the bird scratched and struggled in my embraced. He was burned both by my love and by Terry¡¯s protection.


    Caerwyn assisted me and also wrapped his remaining arm around the lustful god¡¯s torso with Terry¡¯s protection once again kicking in to protect the bird from lunging at Caerwyn.


    Caerwyn said, ¡°you poor creature. I know what it is to have a hateful parent. I wish to help you.¡±


    The bird was losing black feathers fast. It squawked in a rage¡ªtrying to provoke me and Caerwyn, ¡°that boy¡¯s life was useless! It was as useless as any mortal¡¯s life and he and his sacrifice will be forgotten in under a year! How does that make you feel, girl?¡±


    I cried silent tears as my grip loosened on him a little, but I still held onto the bird. He lunged at Caerwyn again and we both only had one last protective shield from Terry left as the lustful god shrieked in pain and rage. Everytime he struck at us and was deflected by Terry¡¯s shields, he lost an absurd amount of black feathers.If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.


    The bird was shrieking in pain. ¡°You are both insignificant! All mortal lives are! Why do you fight when you know this! Father was a mortal and he died alone and now he is forgotten!¡±


    The black dove shattered both our shields just then by kicking and scratching at us and Caerwyn and I were covered in cuts as the bird struggled.


    I thought to myself for a brief moment that the wicked god was right. Our efforts here were meaningless in the long run, so why should I put myself through so much torture trying to heal the heart of a god I hated?


    And the answer presented itself when my mind was graced with that wonderful memory of Terry putting his hand on my wrist so long ago when I wanted to give up.


    Why did I keep going then? Because I was given something priceless.


    I was given a friend who would follow me to the ends of the earth; I was given a life companion who, even if I died, I knew he would love me and keep my memory alive forever.


    His death was not meaningless. He was saving me here and now, and I was keeping him alive by remembering him!


    ¡°Think of your father!¡± I shouted to the dove as I hugged him ever closer¡ªI was losing blood and felt lightheaded from all the scratches I was suffering as well as my hearing being hurt from the noise of the battlefield. ¡°His life was meaningful! His legacy was one of pain, but you remember him! He loved you more than anyone else! How can you call our lives meaningless and seek to enslave us when the one person who adored you was one of us¡ªa mortal! You spit on his memory by forgetting him and letting him be a source of pain in your life!¡±


    The dove shrieked in pain and took to the air with me holding tight. Caerwyn was left behind as he had trouble holding on with only one arm.


    __


    Time seemed to slow down as the dove brought us into the cold air above the battlefield. The world spun as I held on with my eyes screwed shut and showered the dove with love and compliments.


    As the dove flew violently through the air¡ªtrying desperately to shake me off--he began shedding more and more dark feathers to reveal a white body underneath.


    We were flying upside-down at one time as the sky spun all around me.


    ¡°Your daddy loved you for a reason. Show me the boy he fell in love with¡ªthe innocent one with white feathers. He still exists, I know it!¡± I shouted above the shrieking wind as the bird nosedived and continued to try to shake me off with all his might. I shut my eyes tighter in fear.


    My mind was hazy as I continuously lost blood. I thought I might die, but if I could quell this poor creature, it would be worth it.


    We were plummeting closer and closer to the ground and blood was continuously falling from my wounds as we did so.


    Everything went silent for a moment as the dove stopped the fast nosedive and pulled up gently.


    I opened my eyes as I felt the dove relax and fly steadily and smoothly forward. He stopped trying to shake me off. I relaxed my grip on him as I tiredly leaned my head on his back.


    ¡°Thank you for reminding me of him.¡± The dove said calmly and with pain in his voice. ¡°When he died, nobody remembered him but me¡­ It tore me apart. It made me into a monster.¡±


    I listened to the dove in silence as I smiled gently.


    ¡°Mother and Father were always arguing and I tried to love them for so long, but I just couldn¡¯t do it anymore once Father died. I hated mother! I thought if I hadn¡¯t had a mother my life would have been blissful! I hated women¡ªI hated them more than anything! But only because they never gave me any love¡­ Until now. Thank you, Moth Princess.¡±


    Everything went dark as snow fell upon my white fur and the lustful god¡¯s white feathers.


    Marara had shed his black feathers.

 Chapter 81

    Wenberheim 182


    I slept while Marara took me back down to earth¡ªmy blood turning his white feathers red¡ªand when I awoke, I awoke to a blood-stained battlefield with men milling about who were not fighting any longer. Instead, they had thrown down their spears, swords, and axes and were speaking with one another. They seemed to be on good terms.


    The air was fresh, clean, and cold, and I saw the lustful god in the body of King Torr standing over me. He smiled.


    I raised my arms above my head and saw that he must have healed me with his magic and I was no longer bleeding. I sat up and smiled back at the lustful god in the body of King Torr who gave me a hand and pulled me to my feet.


    He eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he told me sincerely, ¡°I¡¯m sorry for what I did to that boy¡­¡±


    I nodded. I was unable to forgive him entirely, but I accepted the apology.


    Like a child, Torr was bouncing with happiness as he sat down in front of me, cross-legged, and held my hands. ¡°Did you see? I took all the birds out of their heads and I called for the fighting to stop and negotiated with Paris. I told them the truth about everything. Even the moth gods and how they had intervened in all their affairs and how they are not really gods at all, but sprites instead!¡±


    I looked around the battlefield with joy in my eyes and tears of happiness. I sniffled and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. ¡°That¡¯s amazing.¡±


    The lustful god nodded eagerly. ¡°So anyway, I just¡­ Wanted to say goodbye and thank you for everything. This body can¡¯t retain my power anymore and I have to leave it before I end up killing this poor man. I promise I will no longer partake in the sacrifices the wild mothmen make to me, and I will die without their support and go back down to the underworld where I belong.¡±


    I looked down sadly. ¡°Do you really have to go? I think there¡¯s a lot you can offer the world now that you¡¯re better.¡±


    The lustful god sighed with a grin and looked up at the sky. ¡°I¡¯m ready to face my punishment¡­¡±


    But just then, in a flash of golden light, a woman who was four-feet-tall and seemed to be made of light itself appeared¡ªshe was humanoid in appearance and stunningly beautiful. She looked upon the lustful god and he looked at her.


    In a moment, she was weeping. ¡°My son!¡±


    The lustful god was shocked and smiled brightly when he saw her, but his words were sad and solemn. ¡°Mother! I¡¯m sorry for everything. I¡¯ll be going now.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± She replied, opening her arms, ¡°come to Mother! She has so much to apologize for and so much to give her son!¡±


    Marara was silent for a moment as he gazed intently upon his mother. In a moment, the lustful god climbed out of King Torr¡¯s body and hobbled over to his mother in his original form of a white dove where she embraced him and apologized for everything.This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    ¡°You¡¯re not going back to the underworld! Never again! You will stay with Mother and she will look after you from now on!¡± The woman cried. ¡°Now that you are no longer evil, you need not rely on the sacrifices of the mothmen to keep you alive! You need only rely on Mother!¡±


    ¡°Mother, I must pay for my crimes. I have to go back to the underworld.¡± Marara told her firmly.


    I interrupted as I cleared my throat and clasped my hands behind my back. ¡°I think you should stay. You destroyed a lot of kingdoms, why not help rebuild them?¡±


    Marara glanced over at me, and then to his mother who was looking at him hopefully.


    He took a long moment to think about it. ¡°Do you think it¡¯s really¡­ Okay for me to do that? I¡¯m not sure the mortals will allow or like it.¡±


    I nodded with an assuring smile. ¡°I¡¯ll be there with you. I¡¯ll convince them that you¡¯ve changed. You deserve a second chance.¡±


    Marara hopped over to me on his bird legs and wrapped me in his wings. ¡°You¡¯re so kind! Even after all I¡¯ve done to you. Thank you so much.¡±


    I looked down and thought of Terry again with tears in my eyes, and then I nodded and disengaged from Marara¡¯s embrace.


    __


    Two days later, we had a celebration party in Nui. It took place outdoors and at night with much laughter and pleasant conversation warming us despite it being so cold out. Paris and I sat next to each other in the city on our individual thrones with all our subjects having a jolly time around us. The city had been beautifully decorated.


    Long, expensive, colorful, and embroidered strands of fabric were laced between all the homes in the city and petals were being tossed in the air by mothwomen and human women alike.


    Moths and humans had been brought together and no one was a slave in Nui. Moth mages got to show off their powers to humans by bouncing fireballs around in their hands and served to make the night all the more beautiful.


    Paul and Meridi were having a wonderful time conversing with moths and humans at the party¡ªsomething I thought I would never see--and I was just so happy that all of my friends made it out of the battle alive.


    Caerwyn was among the crowd, but he wasn¡¯t speaking to anyone and I realized he had no friends in that crowd. None but me. I looked at him longingly and pined for a future with him that I knew I couldn¡¯t have. Paris would always need me more.


    Paris noticed me looking at him and he kissed my cheek. ¡°Is something wrong, my dear?¡±


    I shook my head with a pained smile. ¡°I¡¯m just glad to be back with you all¡­¡±


    Paris looked down with a small frown and a pained look on his face.


    I asked him, ¡°is there something wrong, Paris?¡±


    He raised his head and met my eyes with a strong smile. ¡°There is something wrong! I know you love that templar, and I know he needs you--he needs you more than me. You see, Mimi, the thing about me is that I¡¯m strong now. I¡¯m so strong thatI don¡¯t need you anymore! You go be with the man you wanted in the first place.¡±


    I looked at him in shock, and then I shook my head. ¡°I won¡¯t leave you Paris--I love you! I¡¯m perfectly happy at your side.¡±


    He closed his eyes and then took a deep breath. He shook his head slowly and said in a voice choked with sadness but determination, ¡°I¡¯ll be okay now Mimi, really. Let me prove to you that I can survive without you; It was wrong for me to hold you hostage all this time by threatening self-harm.¡±


    I looked him in the eyes searchingly as tears came to my own eyes.


    I could see he was telling the truth; he didn¡¯t need me anymore and that was a wonderful thing. I loved him and I always would¡ªbut Caerwyn was the one I loved first¡ªthe one who gave me convictions, and the one who needed me more.


    I leaned toward him and kissed him on the cheek. I said, ¡°it¡¯s true¡­ You¡¯re so strong now.¡±


    Paris nodded. Together, we watched Caerwyn walk away from the party.


    ¡°You better go after him.¡± Paris said to me with his eyes shiny with tears and a tough smile.


    I stood up from my throne and curtsied lowly to Paris.


    For a moment we looked at each other incredibly respectfully and we let ourselves think of the wonderful times we had together.


    I kissed his hand and slipped the ruby ring he had bought me back onto his finger. ¡°You¡¯ll make a wonderful king, and you¡¯ll find a wife befitting you.¡±


    I took one last look at him. He was smiling brightly with tears glistening in his eyes.


    Yes, he would be okay.

 Chapter 82 FINAL

    I found Caerwyn in the Purjun woods. He was sitting by himself and weeping.


    I sat next to him and chastised him while coyly putting one of my hands on top of his. ¡°You should be having fun. The party is for everyone.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t have fun after all that¡¯s happened¡­¡± Caerwyn replied, looking down. ¡°I miss Terry. I miss the temple. I miss you.¡±


    I leaned my head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around him while he wept about the past and I wept with him.


    He recovered enough after a moment to turn to me and ask, ¡°where is Paris?¡±


    I looked down with a proud smile at how far Paris had come.


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t need me anymore. He is a charming man now who can lead and rally armies with or without my help. But¡­ There¡¯s someone else who does need me¡ªthe man I loved and wanted from the beginning.¡±


    I smiled at him meaningfully and climbed on his lap where he nervously put his hand on my hip and gazed into my eyes longingly. I removed the sapphire he had given me from my neck and draped it around his. ¡°Your sister was protecting me and looking after me all this time. I could feel it. I think you need it back now.¡±


    And with a pained smile, he pulled me close with his one arm and sobbed all the harder. I pushed him down and laid down with him under the stars¡ªmy head tucked under his chin--and we closed our eyes.


    After a moment, I told Caerwyn, ¡°he kept a journal, you know. Would you like to read it with me?¡±


    And Caerwyn nodded eagerly.


    __


    Sheenheim 184


    Two years past, and things were looking up. Kingdoms were rebuilding all around the world, moths were freed in the kingdoms that had allied with Nui during the conflict with the lustful god, and those kingdoms were more tightly knit than ever and stayed allied with Nui.


    Paris had asked me if I wished to be queen of Nui and have Caerwyn as my king, but I declined.


    ¡°You¡¯re a great king, Paris. You know how to rule and you¡¯re good at it.¡± I assured him.


    Besides, Caerwyn and I had plans of our own.


    In Nui, we ran the orphanage I had built last year where all children were welcome. We gave all children on the streets a home, parents, and love.


    I may not ever be able to get pregnant by Caerwyn, but we loved each and every one of those children¡ªmoths and humans alike. They were our children¡ªadopted or not.


    We got married, of course, and every night before bed, we read an entry in Terry¡¯s diary and were often brought to tears and laughter from what he wrote.


    Life just wasn¡¯t the same without him, and sometimes I needed to just set time aside in the day to remember him.You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    Paris was proving himself to be a great king. He kept taxes low, solved problems among the citizenry personally, and often called upon me to help him keep relations between moths and humans pleasant. I did so gladly. He still had no new wife, but I hoped he would soon. I think he was still in the process of getting over me.


    Paul was ever his loyal soldier and captain of his guard. He visited our orphanage and adopted a child from there who he loved dearly and named Samson.


    Meridi who always wanted to be wild and free stayed that way. No husband, no children. She was always keeping her sword skills sharp and practiced often with Paul, but she also opened up her own smithy in the city where she competed for customers with the other blacksmith.


    King Torr died soon after the lustful god had left his body. He was in good health, but many assumed he had died of a broken heart and forever mourned the death of his wife who had never loved him back.


    Peter inherited the kingdom after that, and Paris would not let that stand. He rallied his allied kingdoms, had many talks with the head priest, Leon, and managed to throw Peter into the dungeon for the rest of his years for what he did to me. I could never thank Paris enough for that. After Peter was thrown in the dungeon, his younger brother Raul ruled Ironwall in his stead and did a grand job ruling.


    But the most important thing gained from Peter¡¯s imprisonment was the return of Gerta to Nui.


    I met my nephew who my sister had named Tarn and my niece who she had named Zelda, and I adored them and spoiled them whenever I could.


    And I was just so glad to have a sibling back in my life again. There was no one more loyal and easy to love than a sibling. It was not the same thing as Terry and never would be, but it was still so wonderful.


    Marara had made good on his word and helped the kingdoms that he had destroyed rebuild. After he had finished, he lived among mortals peacefully and did not intervene in their affairs. Rala had greatly desired Marara to come live with her and the other gods in the realm of desire, but Marara refused and replied that he wanted to stay with his new friend, Mimi, and he wanted to see more of the world.


    Marara apologized for Terry¡¯s death whenever he saw me and I forgave him everytime.


    But God help me, I didn¡¯t think I would ever stop crying over that boy¡¯s death.


    __


    Years past, and I was living happily, although I would never entirely be able to shake the aching sadness that laid in my heart from past losses and traumas.


    I didn¡¯t necessarily get all of the things I wanted out of life as a girl; I hadn¡¯t married a handsome prince--I had instead married a handsome, one-armed templar. I never had my own children, but instead I adopted those lost children who had no families¡ªand even though I was not a queen, I was a mother, which was always my fondest dream and the one I wanted the most.


    Many of our children got adopted, but we adopted two for ourselves who we would raise together. A moth boy and a human girl who were abandoned as babies. The moth boy we named Terry, and the girl was named Hannah. We loved those children to death and raised them with the love and attention they deserved. They made me immeasurably happy, despite the sadness that was set in my heart.


    The one thing I wanted but I would never have was the opportunity to say goodbye to Terry. He had left the world before I could say goodbye, and that just¡­ That just hurt the most.


    But one day, a miracle happened.


    God took pity on me as I was having a very bad day and spending it crying when I couldn¡¯t move past old memories I had about Terry¡ªboth happy and sad. I wanted so badly to stop crying over him. I wanted his life to be a beacon of hope and happiness to me and to my children instead of a legacy of pain and sadness. I soaked my pillow through with tears and Caerwyn could do nothing to comfort me.


    I was in a world of darkness that day. But as I cried, my surroundings shifted into the realm of desire.


    God had given me one final gift as his loyal and loving servant.


    I lifted my head and saw him standing there in the realm of desire with a grin on his adorable face¡ªglowing golden in his ethereal form¡ªand I threw myself into his arms and told him everything I wanted and needed him to know and he did the same with me.


    And I had the opportunity to say goodbye to my most loyal friend¡ªmy brother, my savior, and my soul mate.


    Goodbye, Terry?.


    The End.