《Creatures of Hell》


 Friends like these

    ''Mmmm... buttocks! Mmmm...''


    It was a nice quiet spring morning, with the sun lazily hanging over the treetops, perfect for those who cared to venture outdoors. One of those under the sun should have been a half-asian, humanities sophomore, named Lei Bu. Studying at a non-descript public university in a quiet suburban town, far from anything remotely interesting, Lei Bu had rarely spared a thought for trivialities like grades, career, passion, and such. Indeed. on the very same morning, he was too busy dreaming of large round female features, unaware that his mid-term in Aboriginal Mythology would start in a few moments.


    He was not a bad student, really. It was just his luck to have two lovely roommates to care for him. Jin Seng and Pete Mulberry ensured that important life events didn''t affect their dear sleeping beauty. To this effect, they had turned off his alarm before it could croke and break the spell. The two good fellows vigilantely kept watch over beloved Lei Bu. They even consumed copious amounts of moonshine and vodka to tickle their ingenuous brains into inventing a rather devious, uhmmm.. i mean, wonderful scheme to amuse the three of them further, though one may disagree if he had a vote in the matter.


    Jin, true to his name, was looking for tonic water to add to their alcoholic breakfast, giggling sporadically in fits and coughs, belying both his age and his gender. One could find this cute, alas, that one would retract there judgement if they ever saw Jin.. He looked like a failed sadistic super-villain from a 90s cartoon with his thin stache and a stubble often glistening with fresh tequila, or gin, or hair gel. At the moment, his long limbs flailed as he busied himself with opening cabinets while messily holding onto atleast three half-filled bottles and a joint in his hands. His suppressed laughter caused his red nose to drip beads of snot and he occasionally wiped it on his folded shirt sleeves...


    Jin''s quest for a suitable mixer was destined to fail as he was rather distracted,.. which brings us to the last person in the room, the cause for Jin''s jolly - Mulberry. He sat on his haunches at the top bunk, a toothpick stuck in the gap in his teeth while he sucked on the brined olives, his feet planted to each side of Lei Bu''s chest and ass cheeks staring squarely at the closed eyes of our still asleep and ignorant hero. Mulberry was a big fellow with thickset muscles and broad shoulders like a sailer. Looking at his freckles and orange hair, people usually mistook him for an Irish ancestry that he firmly denied and claimed that he was native-American. No one believed him, of course, but the truth of the matter was hard to determine either way since he was abondoned on church steps as a baby and grew up hopping foster homes.You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.


    Right now, Pete was trying his best to recall a skill from his well-spent childhood - farting at will. He had been intermittantly successful which motivated him to take the high seat and further request the aid of his good mate Jin to concoct the gassiest drink ever. Initially, he was rather uncomfortable sitting on his toes, given how inebriated he was, but he shifted his weight around from one foot to the other and soon found the right posture, all the while he stared at the burning spliff that Jin held and added it to the to-do list for the foreseeable future.


    Although middle schoolers are usually expected to engage in such actions, these good folks had added years and years of practice on top and now stood at the pinnacle of their inane arts as college sophomores with nothing better to do. You can only play so many sports and fuck so many girls in a small town, hence one must find more creative ways to fill the rest of the hours in the days with fruitful activities. And so, this morning they had decided to spend quality time as roommates. Well, a majority of them, anyway.


    Jin didn''t find any good drinking material but ran into some Mentos in one of the shelves. The two pranksters deliberated quietly for quite some time whether or not to waste some good coke. The matter was mostly a misunderstanding on Mulberry''s part regarding the nature of the aforementioned coke. Fortunately for Lei Bu, they were drunk and whispering rather loudly and he woke up before any serious plans could be put into action.


    "Ummmm... um.. What the Hell!!?" Lei Bu cried when faced with the freckled abominations as we came about.


    Pete fell off the bunk as Lei Bu jumped up in fright and confusion. All the glorious dreams and plans evaporated in thin air. Lei Bu stared down at the two idiots grinning at him - one sitting on the ground rubbing his shoulder, the other caught in the act with candy in on hand and soda in another. Then, he noticed another problem.


    ''Too bright'', he mused, ''Fuck!...... Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!''


    He snatched the phone off the charger, turned on the screen, and immediately jumped down and scurried out of the room. A few seconds later, he ran back in, kicked Pete in the ass, grabbed his bag and a random pen from Jin''s workbench, and headed out again in full sprint.


    "I''ll fucking kill you!!!! Just you wait... Assholes! Fuck!!!"


    The sound nicely echoed in the long hallway waking up the neighbouring population who steadily made way towards ground zero. Meanwhile, the two self-proclaimed geniuses inside the room 420 got up and clinked half-empty bottles and gulped large mouthfuls of cheap whiskey to celebrate, and invited in the half-asleep visitors for another round. In the background, through the window, one could see a poor boy in pajamas in the distance, racing his bike uphill on an otherwise peaceful, wonderful day.

 Hustling

    A new day. It was like just any other day in the middle of Nowhere. A deep voice droned in a large hall, with a bee-like buzz accompanying it in the background.


    "Originally, Old Settlement was an archaeological site for studying Beringian culture and roots of post-Meghalayan civilizations in the Americas. Of course, they didn''t have those names at the time when it was discovered in 1890s by the gold diggers. One mentioned of ancient bones brought about a number of grave-robbers and failed enterpreneours to this valley, but it was quickly abandoned thereafter for the lack of the said gold, and any other valuables for that matter, and later completely deserted once the Gold Rush began in earnest far southwards.


    Atleast they brought the railways here, which in turn brought some curious farmers. They too left when the arid land failed to cough up a single harvest and bones popped up wherever they ploughed. These bones as well as other important artifacts were recovered from the native hunter tribes. They too were then displaced by a more educated population interested in the said bones. Within a decade, these good folk filled their resumes with quite a few discoveries. Quite a few. Too bad that the war followed in their footsteps and the able-bodied men were conscripted and carted off to the east coast or mines down south, The women and the rest went to factories elsewhere. Though they all mostly survived, the industrial boom that followed took hold of their interest. In a sense, this place never really became a home to anyone until then. I was just five years old at the time."


    "That wasn''t the end though. Some of us remembered. The Old Settlement was turned into a conservation site in the 60s when I came back. After the war, many archaelogists and historians thronged here in search of their own Tut, or a moon landing, whatever filled their fancies. Old records were dusted, tax money mobilized, and thus our prestigious institute came to be. Even Elvis dropped by. You may not believe but this town harboured a million inhabitants once."


    "Too bad that they too left because they believed that all there was to the Settlement was already discovered. I chose to differ. And I believe in you. Yes you, each one of the three hundred seventy three of you, who have chosen the path of curiosity and perseverance. We will find the key to human existence in the Americas and our names will etched on the annals of history......"


    Esewhere in the room, another harmony played...


    "Jin, dude, why are we stuck here with the freshman? I''m bored." Pete whispered.


    Jin elbowed him, "I''ve told you a hundred times already. This is our ticket out of here, out of Nowhere. Dr Stevenson is planning a huge mission somewhere abroad and if we want to join we must rack up on bullshit administrative credits even if we get sponsored. Now shut up. That boring guy on the podium will decide whether we rot here for another 3 years, or party in the exotic lands."


    "Oh look at me. I moved here from the awesome Britain and I have goals in life.", Pete intoned.


    "Shut up. This is anyway the first orientation for both of us. It is not so boring if you listen", Jin defended.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Lei Bu added, "Hey, this is boring. The whole town is boring. I mean, I totally agree with the million who left. People still remember when Drunk Sam tried to hump the mayor''s chevy. I wasn''t even born then and I still..."


    "Uhhmmm... Uhmmmm.."


    Dean Stevenson cleared his throat in the mic, glaring at the three stooges by the left entrance who stopped their crescendoing argument at once, trying hard to be invisible. The freshmen turned in their chairs too, sitting in anticipation of the infamous tongue lashing. Unfortunately for them, the Dean turned back towards them and continued his cantrip. Meanwhile, the heros counted to a hundred under their breath, then tucked their tails and a stealthily exited the decrepit Assembly Hall one after another.


    "Phew!"


    "You know, the one thing I wish I had is ''courage'', like just stand there and glare back", Lei Bu sighed.


    The three were now walking along the Belgian Boulevard. The road split the campus in two equal halves, called Starboard and Port. Surrounded by old buildings and a smell of fresh grass, the three journeyed to the only campus bar situated Port-side, nestled between the library and a barbershop.


    "Bullshit, you did plenty in the Hall.Not to mention the courage to be turned down by each girl in the class. twice, and still have the gall to show up with your ugly mug for another round. Am I right, Mulberry?" Jin scoffed as they walked.


    "I don''t want to hear anything from you .. cheap.. chinese viagra.. knockoff. It is a new day, a new place. Go away, No more negativity. Shooo..." Lei Bu retorted.


    "BuBu, you know, our boy Jin has a point. Anyway, what does it matter, we have freshmen to do you in again. Maybe it is your time to shine, eh?"


    "Go away bad spirits."


    Lei Bu grabbed something salt from his pant pockets and threw it at them with both hands.


    "What the fuck. Is this salt? Why are you carrying salt?"


    "No reason. Just a little show and tell for the freshmen, sorry freshwomen.." Lei Bu replied sheepishly.


    "Lol... so brave.. BuBu, I wish you get some excorcise tonight.."


    And so they trudged on, well onto their way to the Whiskey Bar.


    "What do you think is this project your mom talked about."


    "I don''t know either. She says Stevenson is keeping it under wraps until details are finalized. His excuses are quite flimsy. Says he doesn''t want anyone to jump the gun, or worse let city folk talk about it to outsiders. It should be somewhere in South America or Africa by what I''ve heard so far. Ms Lin also mentioned about necessary expertise in excavation at a site with prehistoric cultures. They''re gonna need camera teams, archaeologists, diggers, historians, and cooks too. It''ll be interesting atleast."


    "So, any changes to the plan? I swear if I have spent hours typing those old, crumbling notebooks filled with illegible gibberish only to be told ''well done, now fuck off'', I''ll burn this place down." Lei Bu grumbled.


    "Chill Schwarzenger. Keep your head down for now. No disciplinary actions until we are selected. You should be good since Dr Spencer will get you in. After that, fuck this place. Now, I am talking to the graduating film majors. Everyone is buzzing with excitement so it will be hard to find a spot on the crew but I think I can get in. The ''arduous physical strain'' checkbox should be easy. The problem is you, Mulberry. Any progress with the secretary?"


    "Hey, Mrs. Stevenson no. 3 is lonely and horny as fuck. Got her where we want her. Need I say more."


    "Yes. Don''t get too close. Make her want to send you away."


    "Well, she''s promised she''ll help. It''d be a shame though. She''s real nice and her french toasts are to die for. "


    "Awesome. Just a few more days..."


    "Cheers to us!"


    "Cheers to a semester abroad."


    "Hear hear!!"


    Clink, clink, clink...


    "Btw, was that a euphemism?"


    "What''s a euphemism?"


    "French to... Nevermind, forget I said anything... just take the salt... Hey Jill!! more tequila over here. We are celebrating."