《Re: Gaia》 Vol. 1 Chapter 00 - Prologue - My name is Farbrian Lesalim Kishien. Yes, indeed. I get that alot. Such an absurd name in this modern Age and I got bullied alot by holding this name. I was born in February, and I have lived 29 years of my life by now. Due to the circumtances, I avoid the crowd as I can. I dislike being talked behind my back, hearing people satirizing me because of my birth''s name given by my parents, or even my failures in this life. The name itself, given by my biological father who passed away when I turned 6 due to his kind of work which involved the great sea, and my mother who still lives until today. From then, after he passed away, without any brother nor sister, My mother and I passed through everything that happened, happens, and may happen to us with everything we had... and everything we can. And here I am, sitting here. In this empty hall, filled mostly with white color. Either it was intended to impress anyone who came here, or to confuse them. My whole body wet, including all of my clothes. From head to toes, I am wet as fuck. I see someone on the far-end of the room between the 2 pillars, and some throne like stuff. I feel resentment within me. Do I resent that person? Do I resent myself? Do I resent the people who bullied me? or even, Do I resent everything? The person just stand there, below his/her throne. Like that person is giving me some time to catch by breath. My sight does a bit blocked by the wet hair of mine. But my resentment felt heavier than the urge to wipe face with my hand and whip my hair back to get a better sight. But for now, let''s rewind back a little bit about things that happened before I got here. -- (Flashback) In this life, despite the bullies and insults I received, as well as on and by my own mother, I keep on trying with everything I have. The efforts I put on each of my struggles are maximized. This body that I have, overworked to its limits everyday with only 2 or 3 hours rests. This brain and mind of mine, spinned to the limit of its max speed as well to think about every possible way to have a better output for me and my Family. But...despite everything I have done, learnt and tried...I always failed. Perhaps is it because I wanted affection? Or Maybe is it because I just purely want to see my Mother''s smiled in proud? I don''t know...No. To be precise, I don''t even realized it from the start. Why did I try so hard? Be it is because of the seniors who disliked me at work and pointed any mistakes which I didn''t even do everytime despite the contributions I have ever given to the company. Be it because those ambisive bitchy women who can never do their work properly and always get a get out by flirting, put a blame on someone, or even entraped anyone to do their work and get away from any troubles or problems they caused. Be it because someone, something, or even anything! I always ended up as a failure and getting kicked out from anywhere. People kept on talking about my failure. To mock, to spit, or even to annoy me everywhere I walked. But I neglect their words. And I always walk my way to home in silence. But sometimes, my mother...take those words to her heart and influenced her. There are times when she almost commited a suicide because of the neighbor''s getting over boarded by badmouthing me infront of my mom. Sometimes, she also asked for some loans from the neighbors due to my low incomes and always getting kicked out eventually by a company. There are also time, when she was influenced by those neighbors...She began insulting her own only son who never rest in trying to make her happy... To make her proud of me...To be happy, with me. She got blinded by those emotions which built up due to the direct insults from those neighbors on her about me, her Son of Failure. She forgot that her son here, never once expected or even wanted to be failed as well. It does hurt. My heart felt like sliced by scissors, stabbed by needles, and crushed with palm of a man''s hand at the same time when it happened. Everytime she did that, I always on my knees and head down in silence. Never once an anger built within me after anything or anywords were thrown at me. I am just simply holding my heart from my chest, grasping it to reduce the pain I felt inside feom the outside. Casted down my eyes. But always, even though I am not crying, tears always rained down from both of my eyes. Everytime, I convinced myself, that she was just tired, and need to let some steam off so she can be okay by the next day. So I always, hold it in. Everytime she''s done with it, she always sit there silently crying. And I always get back up when she''s at it to the the chores. Be it cleaning, re-arranging the house or the mess, even cooking our foods. Never once, I received a sorry from her. Well...I don''t even need that anyway. She''s the one who give birth to me, why should I resent her? But, everytime she saw my eyes swollen in red, knowing that I am as well crying in my silence hearing her ranting or throwing things at me, she always started crying again and ran to her room. So sometimes, I go to the bathroom to wash my face first before doing the chores and faced her. Next, we still have siblings. Cousins, Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, anything, I still have them. Yeah, you may think because they are my Family, related by blood because of My mother''s blood runs in my vessel, they would support me? like at least mentally?Stolen novel; please report. No. They are the worst. They are the ones who killed me from the inside slowly. Influencing my mom to have some grudges or regrets for having me. They do know well how my mother''s Characteristic is. And they do know well, how much I have tried in everything. They are always showing off their success. Ranting down their insults toward me through my mom with the loudest voice that they could to make sure I heard them as well. Insults by insults, mocks by mocks, everytime they did those when they visits our house or on yearly ocassion like new year''s where the whole family grouped together. Is that how a Family should act to their members? Crushing down the mentals of them who failed while trying their best? Killing the will of the ones who pushed themselves forward to the limits everyday, every seconds, just to have a better life for their family? All I did was for THEM!! Despite the failures I have. They should be looking down on ME!! Just ME!! They should have consorting my mother to keep on thriving forward. To keep her spirit up. To keep her sanities in check. But why...? For just once... In my life... I want to be like them, who walked home everyday and greeted by their parents warmly. Just for once, I want to hear the words that she is proud of me. Just for once, I want her to thanked me for never stopped trying. Just for once, I wanted her to smile and hug me, as her son. Just for once, I wanted to feel, that I am wanted by my own only parent that I have left. I guess, that''s how I found out why, I did try so hard in this life until now. I think, I began to resent this harsh world from there. That time, while my mind were drown thinking over the pasts, I was walking home from my job interviews. I walked with my own feet due I can not afford to spent any more money for such taxi or subway. I walked the stores, the sideroads, until I finally need to cross a large bridge which connected 2 different small islands together with a highway and pedestrian''s accesses on both sides. The pedestrian''s accesses are never crowded, or even almost no one is using them anymore. I kept on walking with briefcase which full of my rejected applications and CV. until I saw a girl who standing on the side fence of the bridge like attempting to kill herself by jumping. No one else''s nearby expect cars and bikes from the highway. I spotted her, and immidiately run towards her. As she jumped, I''m able to get a grab of her smooth skin arm. she shocked and turned her head back toward me. My right foot which I used as main stance to hold the force which will pulled me down, stepped on some empty snack''s plastic pack. As the force started to kicked in, I slipped because of that and fell together with the girl. I saw tears on her eyes within her shock of my sudden presence. In that mid-air moment, I do realize I will die at that moment due to the height of the bridge. I instinctively grab the back of her head with my right hand, her waist with my left hand, pulled her into me and hug her close and tight. Then, I turned my body in that mid-air so that made the girl be ontop of me to reduce the pain she may felt from the impact. I can feel her hands hugged me back closely as we fell from the heigth, to our demise. -- (back to present) My resentment getting higher as I recalled everything. I stand up from there. Walking toward the person whose been waiting for me to catch up my breath. "De-", "Wait, Stop.", I cutted in as raising my left hand up. I can recognize the voice of the speaker as a female. She still stands there in silence as I keep on walking to her direction. "Were you about to welcomed me?", I asked while walking with my heads still casted down to the floor. "Yes.", She replied. "Were you the one who take me here?", I asked again as I am getting nearer to her. "Yes..", She replied. As I reached myself infront of her, I grabbed her clothes with my right hand, grasped it hardly and pulling her face directly infront of my face. "ARE YOU GOING TO SAY THAT YOU''RE A GOD?!", I yelled out loud infront of her letting out my anger. I can see her beauty is unparalleled to any woman I have ever met, even to my mom. She grabs my arm which holding her neckside clothes with her both of her hands gently not a sign of fighting back felt from her hand. "Yes..", She answered my question again. "YOU''RE MAKING ME SICK!!" "ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU ARE SAVING ME BY DOING THIS?!!", I asked again by yelling out loud on her face. On that moment, For the first time, I started crying for the first time as I let out my emotions toward this girl who happened to be a Goddess. "Yes...", She answered again. I who heard that answer, released my grasp, and fell to the floor on my knees with hands against the floor holding my upperbody so I wont hit the floor with my face. "FFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKK!!!!", I screamed as hard as I can on the floor infront of her. "WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME NOW?!" "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST?!" "I COULD HAVE SAVED MY MOM FROM THOSE...FROM THOSE INSULTS...JUST...IF YOU help me sooner..", I whined with screams and eventually bowed down and kissed the floor with my forehead and my both hands holding my chest with their arms tightly as my heart felt an immense pain from burning with rage and anger. "She..could have been happy if you did...she could have smiled at me everytime..she could...she could have proud on me by now.." "Just why, NOW?! Why not back then when WE NEED you?!", I cried and whine hardly. "...", She remained in silence, bowed down to her knees and reached for my head with both of her hands. She pulled my head gently to her laps, while constantly rubbing my head like a mother consorting her child, and I''m still there, ranting, whining, and crying. "Do you know, what will she do if she know I''m Dead?! She will have killed herself!!" "I am the only one she had that always beside her.." "Do you..do you think...All what I have ever did.." "Just to Ended like this?!" "To see her doing a suicide as A spirit?!", I pulled my head in anger, raising my head so I can see her face answering my ranting. Once I set my sight higher and see her face, I was shocked in silence. I saw her crying, tearing down her tears from her eyes. As I see her crying, she shoved her body forward with her both hands opened reaching for my head again. And hugged me in her arms warmly. her left hand holding my head against her upper chest. Her right hand rubbing my back like a mother consorting her child. and on my head, I can feel the drops of her tears hitting my head. I continue crying as hard as I can in her arms. "Do you even know.. how much I wanted her to embraced me as her son like this..?", I said while I cried so hard on her embrace. Vol. 1 Chapter 01 - New Life? - Just like that, I cried them all out. The regrets I had, the crushed dreas I had, everything. Literally everything that I have never ever dared nor grasped in the life I''ve had before and she, just like that as well. Embraced me on her arms, some tears fell from her eyes to my head until I wasted out my energy and faded to my unconsciousness. As I gained back my consciousness, I am on a fancy bed with some fancy blanket and pillows. my wet clothes are dried up and clean. I take a look around me and realizing I''m still inside that spacious hall with the pillars and throne while the lady who embraced me sit on a chair beside my bed looking right at me like waiting for any words came out from me or getting back to the reality. I step out from the bed, the lady''s stare is following my movement while stepping out from there. I stand next to her, bowed down my head to her and apologize. "I''m sorry I yelled and let my steam out up on you, um.. God?", I apologized as sincere as I can. The lady stand up from her chair while shoving it away without a single word. While she did those, I lifted my head a little bit just to peek on whatever she''s doing. She stand right infront of me, and bowed her head down to me whose bowing down to ask for an apology which I have said rude things and behaviours toward her. "I do, as well apologize for unable to help you whose trying to help your family, Kishien.", The lady apologize sincerely to me. My heart shocked. The lady who claimed she''s a God is bowing her head down and apologizing to me? I intinctively bowed myself down even further by doing a ''dogeza'' infront of her. "No, God. It was mine. I failed so much in the life you gave me and yet, I whined over those to you. It was my fault.", I replied her apology whole doing the dogeza. I am sure she can hear my apology clearly while doing a dogeza. She reaches out her hand down to me. She shifted herself down on her knee to reach my shoulder. "I accept your apology, Oh child of mine.", She accepted my apology with such a smooth voice that I have never heard before. I raise myself after she accepting my apology. I sit infront of her on the floor. She, who saw me sitting on the floor infront of her, also shifted her position from kneeling on one knee to sit on the floor infront of me as well in such a ladylike manner. "Are you not suprised, or not believing any of my words, Kishien?", She asked. "Ah.. If you mention it.. I do suprised actually. I want to not believing any of it including the possibility that I am already dead while trying to save a girl whose jumping off from a bridge. But you see, I am here right now. So, none of them matters anymore. Even regrets those I still have left until now, are becoming a memory of my previous life, I suppose?", I replied. She listened to my answer and still remained in silence like she knew I still have something in my mind. "Umm.. Is this the moment where I am getting my judgements between the heaven or hell like in some religions said?", I asked. "I''m afraid it is not, my child.", She answered with a lady mannered smile. "So... what''s this situation?", I asked blankantly. She giggled with a warm smile hearing my question. She waved her right arm gently. The beddings and the chair slowly faded to nothingness. I, who witnessed such, quite amazed and shocked actually. "There are few before you who have met me. Some of them did as well let the fury out on me. Some of them panicked. They were indeed had their own circumtances. But you, My child, the first one to be the such a realist one.", She said. I just sit there, listening to her closely with my formal outfits. "I am Gaia the start. The only Goddess of the beginning and creation.", She claimed. I am quite shocked with her claim. As I only ever known some gods in my previous life from the globally acknowledged religions. Still, I maintained my silence and listening to her really carefully. "Before we start, would you like to know the reason why I did not help you out when you were still living down there?", She offered. "No, Goddess Gaia, I don''t.", I answered. Yes, indeed, I did say No. As it is no longer matters much to me since I have already dead. Knowing or not knowing about it, will not change anything that have been in the past. "...Well then. I will proceed." "I will reincarnate you to this new world before you. The world itself is 4 times bigger than the previous world you had. The developments are not yet far but still progressing even right this second while we''re having the discussion. In this world, Mana exists. This world consisted of many races of beings living together but there are also races, beings, and monsters which may bring harms to other.", She explained.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. "So there are magic in this world?", I asked to confirm. "As mana exists, the arts of manipulating or using the mana, are as well exist.", She replied with her smooth voice as she stood up and walk with her knees dragging the fancy dress on the floor to get closer to me. I, whose seeing her doing that, just sit there in silence. Once she reached near enough to me, she reaches out both of her hands and embraced my cheeks. With the suprised feeling inside me, I also feel the warmth of her touch on my cheeks spread out through my whole body like I was being bewitched with witchrafty. I looked at her face and eyes, she smiled warmly. She''s shoving her face towards me closer. I who saw that, shocked in my heart but still maintained my composure, and closed my eyes instinctively as it is quite embarassing for me. I can feel she sticked her forehead on my forehead while her palms embracing my cheeks. And so, the pleasant warmth which enveloped my body is raising further. I''m starting to feel limp all over my body but in a pleasant way like the feeling of falling asleep. Then, I hear some symphonies of poems inside my head with a smooth voice which soothe soul inside me which came from Goddess Gaia''s voice. "Oh this child of mine.. The Son of mine.. I granted you, your soul, to live your life the second time in this world of mine.. Live your life to the utmost.. And walk you way to your dreams.. Reach for them, the ones you cerish and trust, as you venture around this world.. Seek for the truth, even for yourself.." "Oh, My poor child.. Reach the sun and the moons with your own hands.. Ignite your will and around you to reach even further.. Good and bad existed, reacting vigorously to each other.. Illuminate the darkness with the light, as the darkness will envelop the light.. Neither hope nor despair may come, if you won''t embrace them, in your journey.." "Oh child.. Forge your own stories with your own hands through the history.. The dawn is breaking for those who seek the light warmth.. Honour comes to those whose fight for the right.. Engraving your names, to the very heart of others.." "Tears of joy or sadness.. Impurity of all perfections.. As you walk through the darkest swamps.. Might you suffer or prosper from those.. Agony or peace shall rewarded you.. To the very last, it may last.." "And lastly, my child.. To you, I entrusted you my blessing.." At the end of those symphonies, I can feel her lips kissing my forehead very gently before I finally fainted, again. -- I woke up in the middle of somewhere in a house. There''s a baby crib in this room, the room itself somehow has a quite familiar view. For now I am just looking at this baby room with my working clothes on me. Suddenly the door behind me opened and some chatter noises outside the room can be heard slightly. I turn my head back to see whose coming, and suprisedly I am truly shocked. It was my father and mother! In shocked, My tears of joy and sorrow fell down through my eyes. I ran to them trying to hug and embrace them, but as I get near to them.. I was simply passing through them like a spirit. In that moment, I realized this was only my dream about my past. I turn myself back again to see them. I can clearly they smile, laugh and happy with the baby me. The laugh and smile were sincere and so true. They seem to be really proud of me being their son which they yet to know that the son of theirs are just a failure at anything. I smiled a little. I am feeling grateful that at least I can see my father again even this just a dream. I put my back against the wall next to the door, looking at the the three of them playing happily together. After sometime, the pitchblack striked me again. But my consciousness is still intact. I am trying to understand the current situation I am in right now. I can hear voices of people and activities around me. I also can feel I am against something soft, perhaps I am on a bed? I also get that I am in a lying position. So I''m sure that I am on a bed. But what I don''t get it just, slowly but sure I am feeling pain almost all over my body. Where the hell is this? Is this dream again? Finally, I try to open up my eyes. I can slowly clearly seeing the wooden ceiling with a simple classic lamp hung there. I pull myself up to sit on the bed. The blanket which covering me fell on my lap. I take a look on my ownself. Both of my hands are covered with bandage. They look so small. Am I a kid now? Is this my past? But, I don''t recall my past has this kind of classic views and mostly hurt as bad as this? I don''t think I have ever experiencing this before. I''m trying to feel on my face but some parts of my head are also bandaged. my neck as well. The cloth I am using right now is pretty simple but a little loose. So I can see that the inside me is also bandaged until my stomach. The bandages look pretty neatly done anyway. Some stains of blood covering some spots of the bandaged areas. I''m trying to move myself up. Pain is covering my whole body as I moved around. But still bearable. As I pull My feet to the side of the bed, I can as well clearly see my feet also bandaged and staines with some tiny blood stains. Gah, what the hell did I do until I am getting bandgaed like a mummy like this. As I am trying to get down from the bed, the door which right in the corner of the room behind me opened. "Oh..!", A lady voice grasped. I turned my head back to see who that is. I saw a girl with a nun-like clothes holding a tray with foods and drinks on it. "FATHER!! THE KID HAS WAKE UP!!", She screamed with her head heading outside the door''s entrance. I shocked. That cute girl has some power on her throat I suppose. It qas quite loud. I can clearly hear some running steps outside my room as the girl walks toward my direction with the spoken tray. She gently put the tray on the small drawer next to the bed behind me. I pulled back my feet up on the bed so I can turn my whole body to the girl direction in a sitting manner. She smiles, I confused. Then after, A man with glasses, not too old, maybe around his early 30s come inside the room with some sweat on his forehead. He shocked looking at me, again, I am confused. The girl sit on the edge of the bed near the drawer which she put the tray with the food on. She gives a gently gesture with her hand to come nearer to her. I obediently followed her gesture and crawling with my pain and bandages covered body to her. I sit next to her in a confused manner. She pats my head gently. I only obediently stayed in silence while she doing that because for some reason, it feels nice. The man with glasses reaches the side of my bed before I know it. He squated down looking at me being pat-ed at my head with his warm smile.