《Our Little Everyday Deaths》


 A Fire Devours Another

    "I am seen, therefore I am"


    Jean-Paul Sartre


    <hr>


    There was something about the smell of meat that disgusted Remus to the core.


    That in itself was not very surprising: he was only a week away from the full moon and his senses had sharpened to the point of sickness. The shrill cries of the mandrakes made him faint despite wearing an earmuff, preventing him from attending botany classes. The acrid smoke from the cauldrons had driven him out of the castle dungeons after burning his lungs, and the lightning from the wands during spells gave him a headache, leaving bright spots under his eyelids. Even the simple glow of the candles sometimes blinded him.


    Becoming so sensitive was exhausting, but the worst part was the smell of meat.


    Dining in the Great Hall had become an ordeal. No matter how far he stayed from the table, no matter how he pulled his collar up over his nose, or how the food was prepared, he could still smell it. The stench of flesh, a mixture of blood and death, which settled in the back of his throat and permeated his clothes.


    Disgusting.


    A chain of sausages, floating by thanks to the summoning charm of a third-year, passed under Remus'' nose and made him retch. He hurriedly dropped his cutlery and brought his hands to his mouth, restraining with all his will the urge to return the contents of his stomach to his plate.


    This wasn''t right.


    He thought for a brief moment about changing seats, but it was a waste of time. If students had become accustomed to eating late during the summer season, the shorter days of October had them crowded around their respective tables as soon as classes ended. By 6:30 p.m., the Great Hall was packed. Wizards and witches formed a single block, a dark tide, where woolen capes rubbed against each other until they pilled. The grey clouds that roamed the ceiling, harbingers of a future storm, plunged the place into heavy darkness that the suspended torches could not dissipate. Occasionally warm rays from the setting sun would break through the clouds, briefly bathing the place in a reddish light before being swallowed up by the hungry shadows. The only real brightness came from the candles on the tables, the glow of the flames illuminating the students'' sallow faces in the manner of the old Dutch paintings hanging on the castle walls.


    The austere atmosphere pushed the students to seek a precious consolation in the plates that swarmed on the tables. With nearly one dish per person, the procession of food seemed endless. Beans in sauce, mashed potatoes, and roasted vegetables alternated with huge trays where the meat was piled up until it reached disproportionate heights. Chops, skewers, stew, roast, casserole¡­ How many animals had died so that a few students could dig into their flesh with their pudgy fingers? While he had been initially impressed by the Hogwarts feasts, Remus now found them far too extravagant. Almost ridiculous, in fact. The large platters made gestures awkward and caused glasses to spill. Elbow to elbow, it was almost impossible not to dip one''s sleeve in the sauce, to touch the edge of the plate with one''s fingertips.


    And then, all the students would carry the stench of the feast and the castle would reek until the early morning.


    Remus became overwhelmed at the thought. He wasn''t going to be able to hold on like this for very long. He couldn''t even feed himself properly anymore. Madam Pomfrey would probably let him eat in the infirmary if he asked. Knowing the nurse, she would even be happy to eat with him.


    Did normal people eat with their school nurse?


    He was tired of feeling constantly out of step.


    Remus rested his forehead in his hand before wincing at the sensation of sweat against his fingers. He had a fever. He''d need to go to the infirmary. Again. He was so happy to have managed to avoid it for a few days...


    ''''Remus?''''


    On the other side of the table, Peter was staring at him with concern. The heat from the crowd had colored his face a bright pink and glued his blond hair to his head, accentuating the roundness of his cheeks. Despite his fifteen years, he still looked like a child. He still had the candor, moreover. Always the same innocence.''''Remus, are you alright?''''


    No.


    ''''Yes.''''


    Peter had been stuffing his face with roast beef throughout the meal and his breath made Remus nauseous again. He got up awkwardly, looking for the shortest way out while sparing his already overworked senses.


    "Are you sure? You look pale..." Peter said hesitantly. "And you haven''t eaten anything all meal. I... Here, I took the last piece of roast but you can have it if you want. It would do you good to eat a little..."


    He tilted his plate towards Remus, the gravy on it coating the rim before dripping onto the table. The brown substance formed pasty, fatty stains on the white tablecloth, and Remus felt his heart rise in his chest."No, thank you... I... I just need to take a walk outside."


    Without giving Peter time to answer, Remus staggered away.


    Despite the crowd, dozens of eyes were on him. He may have been in his fifth year, but he was still an attraction for many Gryffindors. Remus, The Eternally Tired. The small, sickly teenager who always interrupted class by stumbling out of the room if he didn''t collapse before reaching the door. Mary MacDonald gave him a sympathetic smile. Henry Ferguson, a mocking grin. James was the only one who ignored him. His face was tense as a fist as he stared silently at the Slytherin table with that evil look he sometimes got when he glared at Sna-


    "Oh, dear! I''m so sorry!"


    Remus gasped. A first-year student who had had the bright idea of getting up with his plate barely missed spilling some of it onto their cloaks. The smell of death filled Remus'' nose and his body began to shake.


    Venison. The little bastard had been eating venison.


    This time, bile quickly filled the back of his throat and Remus ran out of the Great Hall, shoving through all of the students in his path. The dim light of the candles made his vision blur as violent shivers ran down his spine. He knew he had to go to the infirmary. He knew he had to see Madam Pomfrey.


    Yet, his footsteps carried him in the opposite direction.


    His whole body was screaming at him to get out of the castle.


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    The closer he got to the exit, the more he smelled them.


    The heady scents from outside.


    Remus''s blind quest for solitude had led him down the passage behind one of the portraits on the fourth floor. It was a dark path that few students knew, consisting almost entirely of spiral stairs with narrow, slippery steps that led directly to the school''s boathouse. Located on the lakefront, the place was too cold for students to want to visit during winter. It had become one of Remus'' favorite havens.


    After pushing open a heavy door, Remus emerged in a remote corner of the shed and threaded his way with difficulty between the boats before walking along the dock. It had been raining and the bewitching smell of old wood filled his lungs with every breath. Far from the tumult which reigned in the castle, the building gave off, by its old age and quasi-abandonment, a feeling of suspension. As if it stood outside time.


    Remus'' forehead was still burning, the heat spreading to his temples and upper cheeks. Despite the cold, he felt suffocated in his uniform and the ground began to dance under his feet. After a few uncertain steps, he had to lean against one of the boats to sit down. Feeling the cool wood against his neck made him shudder and he laboriously turned around to press his face against the hull of the boat, sighing with relief as he felt the fresh planks against his boiling skin.


    He just needed to calm down. Let the cold enter him. He had to concentrate on the smell of the moss that adorned the pontoons, the old varnish of the boards.


    He just had to take a deep breath, until he felt an emotion, a feeling of vertigo, something that would take him away from reality.


    A scratching sound from the other side of the wood, followed by another, and Remus tensed up. A mouse must have been in the boat. He could hear it scurrying between the oars. It was heading to the right, to a hole located at the base of the bow.


    Pulsing began again in his temples as Remus, still nervous, listened for the movements of the animal''s progress to the exit. The rain had awakened strong odors, but he was afraid he would still be able to smell the creature if it was near him. Its scent would probably disgust him. He already couldn''t stand dead meat. Who knew what living animals would do to him?


    Remus knew he had to leave for his own safety, to find another boat to rest against. Yet he did not move. With his forehead pressed against the planks, he stared at the hole in the boat''s hull. The echo of the animal''s tiny footsteps seemed to resonate within him. It had awakened something that had been sleeping in Remus¡¯ gut and that was now urging him to wait. An almost painful curiosity, mixed with a strange hope.


    The little mouse finally showed its nose and the noise it made caused the Gryffindor''s hair to stand on end. He could clearly make out the mouse''s warm feel in the air. It did not stink of death or blood. On the contrary, its shallow exhale held an extremely lively aroma, something that made Remus shiver, that took to his guts.


    The deep smell of life.


    Remus'' hand darted out on its own like a snake, fingers reaching for the mouse. The animal narrowly dodged it, letting out a loud squeak as it hurried into the hole. Remus heard its claws scrape against the wood as the little thing scrambled against the back of the craft, trying to climb onto the oars to get from one boat to another. He got up by reflex, stumbling around the boat to catch the critter, but the latter was faster and jumped to the ground in order to sneak under a huge pile of ropes.


    Remus let out a grunt as he straightened, his eyes fixed on the spot where the animal had disappeared. Having gotten up so quickly made his head swing harder. However, he did not stagger out of balance. All his attention was focused on the frustration that had just overwhelmed him. Then a much deeper feeling, something that came from the core of his body.


    A hunger. An incredible hunger that was biting his stomach, almost making him whine. How long had it been since he''d been hungry like this? Since that summer he had been struggling to feed himself. The time spent with positive well-being between full moons was constantly decreasing so that Remus found himself either in a pre-full moon or post-full moon state. Always the same nausea, always the same disgust that was taking him further and further away from his own life.


    The ground became a blur and Remus closed his eyes. He knew he was still sick. He recognized the usual symptoms. But for the first time, he felt this deep urge to eat at the same time. That life source that kept him from collapsing. For the first time, he felt like he could be more than just a mindless mess.


    With his eyes still closed, Remus felt the wind that came in through the open entrance of the boatshed settle against his damp neck and took a deep breath. Normally, he would have sat on the edge of the pier, immobile, lifeless, and not moved until nightfall but now the situation was different. Something was pushing him to get out of the boathouse, a hidden force in the breeze, in the aroma of the wet grass that lined the shore.


    A sudden appetite for the wild.


    It was October but the atmosphere was reminiscent of spring thunderstorms. There was the same impression of heaviness, the same thickness in the air that made it difficult to swallow. The pressure of the sky brought back the smells of the soil, and soon everything was a mixture of pine, eel, bark, moss, and mushrooms. Sometimes the muddy ground would close in on one of Remus'' shoes with an ugly sound like a lapping mouth but he didn''t pay attention, too busy looking at the yellowish leaves that covered the shore. Underneath which he felt so much life swarming.


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    He was looking for them, the living things. The ones that were hiding somewhere near the lake, close at hand and yet so far away. Remus'' senses were on high alert, watching for the slightest movement, the slightest imperceptible rustle of leaves, disregarding the hostile army of clouds that, driven by a strong, black wind, were approaching the shore he was walking along at great speed. The red outline that adorned the mountains, last remains of the sun before its complete disappearance, was also ignored as Remus'' instincts turned his back to the lake.


    Nose to the wind, he moved further and further away from the castle. It seemed that he could distinguish animal scents in the air, strong trails that called him away. Far from the paths, he discovered a new vigor, another breath. He even caught himself enjoying the perilous climb of a group of rocks, sticking his hands between the boulders, groping for burrows and shelters.


    His fingers ripped against the wet stone; his lips scraped against the granite, the mineral taste filling his mouth, as he messily scrambled up.


    It was nice to feel cold while sliding across the rocks.


    Carried away by his quest, he wandered randomly around the sloping hills that made up the Hogwarts landscape until a small pond caught his eye, not far from the quidditch pitch, which he could see from this height. The trees that framed it had already lost their leaves, creating a skillful painting of red and amber around the water.


    The aesthetics of the scene gave Remus no feeling, yet he hurriedly ran in its direction, his eyes roaming the surface of the water as soon as he reached the pond. His mouth suddenly opened, panting, showing his teeth.


    The few large tadpoles he could see were swimming quickly away from him.


    Remus'' legs buckled at the sight of them, making him kneel abruptly on the water''s edge, his hands going after the larvae that went to hide in the mud, leaving only mossy pebbles under his fingers. The deep frustration he felt made him let out a scream as he began to dig.


    He was still hungry.


    Voices rang out in the distance that made Remus'' head snap up. A group of students - Remus thought he recognized the blue uniform of the Ravenclaws - were heading away from the stadium, broomsticks in hand. One of them raised his head in Remus'' direction and stopped.


    Damn. Had they seen him?


    Remus'' instincts told him to throw himself to the ground and without thinking he slid into the pond, lying flat on his stomach so that water flooded his face. He yelped silently, letting a few bubbles of air rise to the surface before quickly holding his breath.


    No one was supposed to see him. Not like this. Not in this state.


    It was his moment.


    He waited as long as he could, mud getting into his clothes until it coated his whole body. He trembled, nose buried in the silt. Yet he did not move. It was only when his lungs were completely empty that he raised his head, gasping, then skimming the water with his nose just above, eyes fixed on the branches of the trees. He hesitated for a moment before looking back at the lawn.


    The students had disappeared.


    He was alone again. Wet and cold, but alone.


    Remus breathed a sigh of relief. He moved so that he was resting against the mud, his hands supporting his head and the icy water lazily lapping at him in the slight breeze. His temples throbbed as he dreamily observed the concentric ripples forming around him.


    He remained in the pond for a long time, his body frozen and motionless, like a simple prop in the scenery, waiting. Eventually, some curious tadpoles came out of hiding to visit him, rubbing against his lips. Remus stared at them before gently opening his mouth, letting the larvae pass between his teeth to taste his gums. He felt their flabby bodies against his tongue and the inside of his cheeks.


    So exciting, the thrill of hunting


    His jaws suddenly contracted, crushing the tadpoles before swallowing them.


    <hr>


    Seeing Snape smile awakened all sorts of sordid feelings in James. Snape wasn''t supposed to be this happy. Not with what had happened that morning in potions class. Not after the humiliation he and Sirius had put him through.


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    Remus had not been able to participate in Slughorn''s exam, leaving James and Sirius in a panic in front of their cauldron. Usually, he would get behind them with Peter -who was absent too, the bugger had to find a way to skip class- to help them with their preparation and minimize the damage. But today, the two companions had found themselves in freewheel and their potion turned very quickly into a nauseating mush which ended up bursting in their faces, for the greatest pleasure of the Slytherins. Severus Snape, in particular, was quick to burst out laughing and threw acidic remarks in their faces, in an infuriating way only he knew how.


    ''''Say that again and I''ll drown you in it, Snivellus!'''' barked Sirius, scowling at him.Several students stopped laughing when they saw him puffing his chest out. Sirius was a tall guy who towered over most students by a good head. His height and long arms gave him considerable reach and he was known to use his fists more often than his wand when he felt attacked. James liked to refer to him as the berserker of the Marauders, the Great Warrior.


    Snape, however, was not impressed at all.¡±It seems that when the brain of the gang isn''t here, it''s immediately a mess. And I thought you and Potter were the leaders. Why isn''t Lupin here, by the way? Is he sick again? Do you think it''s your stupidity that''s exhausting him? If that''s the case you''ll surely end up killing him.¡±


    There were not enough words to define how much James hated Snape in those moments. He hated the smirk on his face, the arrogant tilt of his strange, angular head. Snape looked like a gnarled piece of wood with a dry, hooked nose carved into it. James would have liked to say that was all he could be - and, indeed, that was what he said most often - but Snape, Big Nose as he liked to call him, had inherited something that prevented him from being reduced to his simple ugliness. There was a glint of intelligence in his dark eyes. A stroke of genius that made James feel an immeasurable anger. Each time they faced each other, he could not help but notice it. A habit that forced him to raise his chin as high as possible to be able to hold the Slytherin''s tall gaze. Which reminded him that, despite the care he took with his body, he was still the smallest student in the fifth year.


    Throughout history, marriages between pure-blooded wizards had led to a great deal of inbreeding, so that today most large families were cousins by multiple degrees. These unions had long been considered a sure way to preserve the power of the great bloodlines. However, the side effects of such incest had begun to multiply over the last generations: difficulty procreating, physical deformities, growth problems, and, ironically, a lack of magic.


    The Potters had not escaped this setback. James was officially an only child, but he didn''t count all of the miscarriages and stillborn children that came before him. Instead of a handsome heir, his parents had a scrawny, magically limited, hopelessly short-legged child. Born with a rare form of dwarfism, he had managed to grow to a height of around five feet, and only thanks to the use of potions and extremely painful magical interventions. All this, of course, was accompanied by regular, life-long treatments. James had to work out and take care of himself and he had to train twice as hard as the others to cast any spell.


    It made him mad with rage.


    Sirius, on his side, had bypassed their desk to get closer to Snape. Hearing their friend''s name in the Slytherin''s mouth had obviously displeased him.''''SnivelIus! I swear I''m going to-''''


    Sirius''s threats were interrupted by Slughorn, who was coming out of the storeroom with vials in his hands."Come on, children! I can hear you shouting from over there! Oh, what''s that-"His nose wrinkled and he looked around the classroom in disgust, searching for the cause of the awful smell that was spreading through the dungeon. It only took him a few seconds to notice the mush-coated faces of the two Gryffindors.''''Merlin''s beard! It''s abominable! How could you have failed that potion so dreadfully? From the smell alone I can tell you that none, and I mean none, of the ingredients were used correctly!''''


    ''''I''m sorry, Professor,'''' tried James sheepishly. ''''If you give us another chance¡­''''


    ''''Oh, no!¡±, exclaimed Slughorn, ¡°I think you''ve done enough for today! No more brewing and certainly no magic! Here, there are mops in the back of the classroom so please, be nice and clean up this mess.''''


    Sniggers were heard from all over the classroom and James thought he saw Slughorn sneer for a few seconds.


    ''''Damned snakes,'''' he whispered to himself.


    The two had to pass between the rows to reach the broom closet. James reflexively looked up at Lily, vainly trying to remove the mixture from his hair to look presentable, but it was useless. The young girl was laughing too. It was not a cruel laughter, but it broke his heart. So did the looks she exchanged with Snape. James had never understood their friendship. How could Lily, so beautiful and intelligent, get involved with such a viper? Worse than that, Snape was influencing her. When she was upset, all she had to do was open her mouth and you''d think the Slytherin himself was talking. She would flawlessly borrow his sarcastic tone, his hurtful taunts that never missed their target. Snape was taking away Lily''s sweetness day by day and James hated him for that.


    As he did every time he laid eyes on her, James scanned her face, seeking solace in her beauty. Lily had pearly skin and fiery hair but his favorite part about her was her eyes. Sparkling green, they gave off an aura, a magnetism. It was impossible to get rid of her look.


    The girl turned her head towards him, and James froze. Lily did not laugh anymore. A smile had lifted her cheeks, made wrinkles near her eyes, suddenly filled with compassion.


    Lily was looking at him with pity.


    James'' face turned bright red. In addition to being the Slytherins'' laughing stock, he was now being looked at with pity by the girl he''d adored since his first year. To top it all off, Snape was giving him hilarious looks as Slughorn complimented his potion.


    Unfair. It was so unfair.


    After retrieving the mops, James moved closer to Sirius, who was trying the best he could to tidy up his long hair. The splashes had transformed his beautiful curly hair into a bunch of rat tails. Taking advantage of the fact that Slughorn had his back turned, James cast a cleaning spell on them.


    Sirius gave him a grateful smile."Thanks, mate."


    James merely pointed to Snape with a shake of his head. ''''Look at him. I''m sure that bastard made the best potion.''''


    It wouldn''t be a surprise; he excelled at it.


    Sirius'' disgusted look at Snape traveled up the shelf before landing on the Slytherin''s cauldron. A devilish grin appeared on his face. James knew that expression all too well. Sirius had an idea. Big Nose was going to pay."What''s the plan?"


    Sirius didn''t answer, his wand already discreetly pointed at the shelf. He cast a spell, just a very small one that barely moved the overloaded boxes above the shelf. But it was enough for the boxes to tumble down, taking with them the lower levels, all filled with ingredients of all kinds that ended up falling into the Slytherin''s potion.


    The joke was meant to be funny. It wasn''t.


    First, there was a bright light, then a small explosion, and finally, flames. They were bright blue, small, and glittering.


    And they were devouring the body of their nemesis.


    Snape began to scream. The explosion had knocked him backward until he tripped over his stool and fell to the floor. He rolled around trying to smother the flames. Around him, the students yelled. Some tried to help him with spells, but most fled the scene in panic. In the chaos, Slughorn shouted himself hoarse, wand in hand, casting dozens of spells in a row in an attempt to stop the strange fire which seemed to be only after Snape, sparing the furniture and the other students.


    "Oh for fuck''s sake, this sucks! Come on, let''s get out of here!" cried out Sirius.


    He tried to grab James by the wrist to get him away from the scene, but James was frozen. He just stood there, watching Snape squirm like a worm on the dark tile floor of the potions room.


    Someone shouted Severus'' name from across the room. It was Lily, of course. She rushed to her teacher''s side, staring at Snape in panic, her face pale as death and tears filling her eyes."Professor Slughorn! Do something, he''s going to die!"


    "I''m trying! I''m trying!"


    Terror shook Slughorn''s voice and James also felt tears coming to his eyes. All of this... was... was this their fault? Was Snape going to die because of them? Were they really that bad?


    Sirius tried to grab him again, but James pulled away violently and went closer to the fire instead. The sight horrified him but he couldn''t look away.


    As he tried to fight the flames, Snape was tearing off his clothes, revealing scarred, white and pink, skin under the licking flames. James saw his ripple-textured back muscles move as he writhed in pain, the fire continuing down to burn his thighs.


    Damn. What had happened to him?


    Snape screamed as he made his way to Slughorn''s office, trying to hide behind it in a final act of modesty as he removed his pants and underwear. James followed him without thinking. The need was stronger than him. He saw more scarred skin, more pink, marred flesh, and then¡­the Slytherin''sflat buttocks, slender legs... and all the rest.


    This image, this disgusting image which had just anchored itself in the bottom of his eyes, firm and unremovable.


    He felt like throwing up.


    "Severus!"


    Lily shoved him violently as she rushed to her best friend to cover his body with her cloak. The gesture frustrated James as much as it relieved him.


    "Don''t worry, Sev! I''m here! It''s over, I''m here!"


    "Lily!"


    The unusual whine in Snape''s voice brought James back to reality. His eyes fell on the crowd that had gathered around the office. On all of the heads sticking out of the door, mostly Slytherins that Snape''s painful howls had brought out of their common room. Ignoring Slughorn, who was also rushing at his student, he looked around for Sirius. The latter was standing by their desk, looking completely horrified.


    This time, they had really screwed up.


    -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


    Snape had, of course, been urgently transferred to the infirmary.


    While Sirius had seemingly easily hidden his guilt under the guise of cruel humor, James had been unable to talk to anyone about it. The scene had filled him with a nameless horror and he had to wait until dinner before his hands stopped shaking.


    And now, against all odds, after being burned alive and having to crawl around naked in front of all the other students, Snivellus was back there, all dressed up, acting as if nothing had happened, with his little friends. Since when did Snape have friends? Since when did he become so strong? How did he manage to look so casual while James felt like he was at the bottom of the barrel?


    No, really, how was that possible?


    Big Nose, with his skinny, scarred body.


    His white and pink skin.


    The scene had been stuck in James''s head since this morning, sometimes filling his mouth with bile, but the fear and shame associated with it had just given way to a strange fury.


    Once again, Snape had managed to win.


    No. He couldn''t let him.


    ''''Hey, James? Did you see how Remus left in a hurry? I don''t think he''s doing very well.''''


    James didn''t even answer Peter. His eyes were still fixed on Snape. He suddenly had the impression that, despite their constant bullying, he''d managed to open up to others, to make a place for himself in his house, to blossom.


    A foul and repulsive little flower.


    He had to uproot it.

 The Storm Before The Calm

    "Strike again, Jupiter, devastate me, mutilate


    The downtrodden foe whom you know is powerless!


    To crush is not to conquer, and your useless lightning


    Will be extinguished in my blood."


    Louise Ackermann, Prometheus


    <hr>


    The Slytherin had been in the infirmary for almost a full day, far more time than it took to let the news spread throughout the castle. "Severus Snape, after an unfortunate incident in Potions class, had caught fire and ended up crawling bare-assed in front of everyone." It was enough for anyone to hide in the dungeons until the O.W.L.


    Yet, when Snape had entered the Great Hall at dinnertime, he had ignored the pointed fingers and mocking grins with a dignity that James had found extraordinary. Sitting in his usual place, Snape acted with such nonchalance that James thought, for a moment, that what had happened that morning had been nothing more than a collective hallucination.


    Unfortunately, the Slytherin''s bandages proved otherwise: a large gauze pad covered his left cheekbone and bandages wrapped his gnarled hands, almost doubling the thickness of his fingers. Others protruded from the collar of his shirt to form a tiny ruff around his neck. He must have been in agony - in fact, James couldn''t understand why Madam Pomfrey had let him out of the infirmary - but he wasn''t showing it. As usual, he displayed a determination that commanded respect, which made James feel a terrible jealousy that he tried to ignore.


    Curiously, the other Slytherins were acting as if nothing had happened. Not one of them had looked up at Snape. This had left James confused. How could they remain silent in the face of what had happened? At first, James had thought it was absurd. Then, as he watched them, he realized that it wasn''t respect or any kind of modesty that drove the Slytherins to do this.


    It was fear.


    If Snape had long been a lonely boy, he had made some new friends since September. They were generally older students, and James hadn''t paid much attention to them but, tonight, Lucius Malfoy, the Slytherin prefect, and the Black sisters had joined the group. They formed around Snape a gloomy assembly that the others seemed to avoid out of fear of reprisal.


    James looked for a moment at the pinched looks of Narcissa and Bellatrix, whose reputation as little pests was well-established. They had inherited this cold beauty, a characteristic of the Black family. Narcissa was tall and blonde. Her extreme thinness and cold demeanor had earned her the nickname "The Airstream" by Sirius. Bellatrix, on the other hand, had a baby-like appearance with a round, pale face framed by thick black hair. This childlike look was counterbalanced by the drooping corners of her lips, which gave her a surprisingly serious expression at all times. She fascinated most boys James knew. He would have found her beautiful too if he hadn''t known how crazy she was. Sirius called her "Bellafreak" and, from what he''d told James about her, it really suited her.


    As enchanting as the two girls were, their presence was almost erased by that of Lucius Malfoy. His blond, almost white hair and fair skin made him resemble a veela. He was a pure product of the wixen nobility, except that he suffered no defect. Malfoy was as tall as Sirius and gifted in every way. He was the best duelist in the school, excelled in potions, and his essays were often used as examples during exams.


    As if that wasn''t enough, Malfoy was also captain of his Quidditch team and played seeker, a position James had been hoping to obtain since he entered Hogwarts. But seriously, how did this guy play so well? The position of seeker required speed and the ability to slip easily between the stadium posts. It was a role for the shorter players, like James but, no one seemed to understand that. Especially not Julius Fincher, captain of the Gryffindors, who had rejected him again this year.


    "No, James, I think you belong more on the team as a chaser. Besides, Maddy is an excellent seeker. It''s best to leave things as they are."


    Lucius Malfoy. Julius Fincher. Maddy Nielsen.


    James hated them all.


    He watched Malfoy strut around through gritted teeth. The prefect had leaned over to Snape, with that little smirk he always wore, and whispered in his ear. Oh, how he could hate Lucius'' face so mu- Fuck, was it him or did Snivellus just blush? No. It couldn''t be...


    However, James soon realized he wasn''t dreaming. Snape''s still visible cheek had turned a bright red, and a goofy smile had taken over his face. Big Nose looked ecstatic. What the hell had Malfoy said to him? Snivellus was almost unrecognizable. Well, the fact that he was part of Malfoy''s fan club wasn''t surprising in itself, but he was reacting in such a... surprising way...


    It pissed James off.


    "James!"


    Sirius had just joined them but James did not pay attention. "Mmh."


    "Uh... Are you okay?"


    "Yes."


    Across from them, Snape still looked troubled. Damn it, what the hell had Malfoy been telling him?


    Sirius asked a new question that James ignored, letting Peter answer for him. A sinister young man who had just sat down between Snape and the Black sisters was now getting his full attention.


    "Sirius, can you tell me who is sitting next to Snivellus and your cousins?"


    It was Peter who answered, obviously embarrassed, "Uh... James... Sirius''s not here anymore..."


    Of course. It would have been too simple otherwise...


    "But I think his name is Rodolphus Lestrange..."


    "Oh?"


    For once Peter knew something!


    James turned to him, smiling. "Peter. You and I are going to team up."


    -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


    James and Peter had finally managed to identify them all: Rodolphus Lestrange, Alvy Avery, William Wilkes, Evan Rosier, and Fabius Mulciber. Pure-blooded wizards with a fondness for dark magic. Nothing surprising so far. No, what was really strange was how they had suddenly all come together. Something must have happened this summer, outside of Hogwarts. Something that didn''t bode well, especially if it had ended up attracting the entire Black family. Regulus had now joined the group and sat down next to Narcissa, who greeted him with a warm pat on the shoulder, an unusual smile on her face.


    James frowned before murmuring, "I don''t know what the hell they''re all doing together, but it looks suspicious. We''ll have to keep an eye on them."


    "Are you... Are you sure, James?", replied Peter, clearly unenthused about this spy mission, "I mean... Maybe they''re just friends."


    "Just friends? That bunch of psychopaths? Oh no, they''re up to no good. Look, because of them, nobody pays any attention to Big Nose! While what happened to him was... Terrible... I mean, terribly humiliating! If nobody says anything, it''s because they scare the others! Believe me, Peter, they are dangerous!"


    James clenched his fists as he glared at the group of Purebloods.


    Peter studied him for a long time. He eventually replied, "I have a feeling that their support for Snape is bothering you..."


    Across from them, Malfoy had, as usual, become the center of attention. From the laughter around the table, he seemed to be telling a funny story. Snape was laughing too, a laugh that James had never heard before, unsarcastic, open. He suddenly exuded a candor that made him unrecognizable. James widened his eyes and gazed at the scene in a daze feeling overcome by a sudden fever.


    "Of course, it bothers me! Look at Snape, grinning and wiggling his ass at Malfoy and his fucking hair! No, seriously, it can''t, naturally, be that white! And Snivellus looking at him with his mouth agape!"


    "James, I..."


    Peter''s voice was muffled by the shock of James''s fist against the table.


    "Look! Look at the way Snape is smiling, like nothing happened, with his skinny body and his little protruding ribs... You''d see them bend when he crawls, it''s fascinating..."


    James could see them so clearly again, Snape''s little ribs. His spine that pointed like a fin... His white and pink skin...


    James shook his head sharply and tried to focus on the Slytherins again. They had finished eating and were about to leave. Malfoy led the way and everyone followed.


    James jumped to his feet, almost roaring, "They''re leaving! We have to follow them!"


    "But I haven''t even finished my..."


    The look James gave him dissuaded Peter from finishing his sentence. Letting out a discreet sigh, he followed the Marauders'' leader.


    James and Peter trailed the group of Slytherins to the entrance hall where the multiple staircases leading to the castle floors started. As usual, the stairs were in constant motion, leaving little time for the students to change landings.


    "We''re going to have to be careful," James muttered, "If we let them get too far away, we''ll lose them but, if we get too close, they''ll suspect something."


    "We can''t take that chance," replied Peter in a shaky voice. "If they find out we''re following them, it could get out of hand. There are too many of them."


    "I know, I know. We''ll let them get away for a while and see where they stop."


    "Maybe it''s pointless to follow them. Maybe they''re just going into their dungeon."


    Peter and his legendary cowardice. James sighed exasperatedly, "Since when do Slytherins use the main stairs to get to their dungeons, Peter?"


    "Since I''m afraid of being targeted by ten wannabe black mages..."


    Peter''s uncharacteristic repartee unnerved James, so he remained silent, content to take the first staircase to position himself at the very top of the steps. He stood on his tiptoes and craned his neck to watch the Slytherins. They seemed to be heading for the seventh floor, where the entrance to the Gryffindor common room was.


    "Looks like they''re going to our house. What the hell are they doing on the seventh?"


    Beside him, Peter shrugged, "Maybe they''re going to see Flitwick. His office is there too. Or maybe they''re going to the divination room or the reading room."


    James raised an eyebrow. "There''s a reading room on the seventh floor?"


    "Well, yeah, there always has been. By Merlin, James, do you ever study?"


    "I... Well..."


    Peter was definitely spending way too much time with Remus. He had just reproduced the werewolf''s exasperated look to perfection. James felt somewhat disoriented. Maybe Peter was right after all and the Slytherins were just going to work together...


    Yet, James felt that something was wrong.


    When they reached the seventh floor, the hallway was empty. The divination room and Flitwick''s office were closed so the only thing left was the reading room. Peter pointed to its entrance, a discreet door almost hidden in a corner of the hallway, and the two slipped in silently.


    The place was cramped with rows of dusty books and small dark wooden tables. James walked up the main aisle in just a few steps, only to land at the end of the room and find... no one was there. Well, not "no one"; there were a couple of young Ravenclaws chatting in the corner but, other than that, no sign of Snape and his gang. Where could they have gone?


    James scratched the back of his neck. Puzzled, he called out to the students, "Hey, did you two see any Slytherins come by?"


    The Ravenclaws looked at him curiously, shaking their heads. James was left speechless. Confused, he walked away from the two students to circle the room again, thinking, trying to unravel the situation. Peter was obediently following him. From time to time, he made small, unpleasant throat noises, a sign that he wanted to say something but, James stubbornly ignored him, convinced that his intervention would not help.


    The situation was frustrating. Snape and his friends seemed to have vanished. Yet, he had seen them go up to the seventh floor. He may have been wearing glasses, but he wasn''t so blind as to have passed them without realizing it. This day was decidedly strange. Nothing made sense. First Snape had... well... he had been... by their fault. Then he had suddenly reappeared at dinner time only to magically disappear once more.


    Magically...


    James stopped dead in his tracks between the shelves. Peter bumped into him and gave a little squeak, but James didn''t pay attention. He had just figured it out. Snape and his gang had used a secret passage. A passage the Marauders didn''t know about. How could that be? They were sure they had searched the entire castle.


    "James?"


    Peter stared at him worriedly, but James waved him off, looking at the room again, spinning around to try to catch a glimpse of a clue, something that might conceal a passage. There was a large suit of armor in a corner that could serve as an entrance but, if the Slytherins had been there, the Ravenclaws would have seen them. So it was impossible. Unless...


    "Unless they were involved..."


    "James, what are you talking about?"


    James intimated for Peter to remain silent. Looking suddenly suspicious, he leaned over to peer through the shelves at the other students.


    "Do you know them?"


    Peter looked at the students incredulously. "Who? Them? No. They''re Ravenclaws, and besides, they look like they''re first years. James, can you explain to me what''s going on?"


    "Okay. Imagine. Snape and his gang are nowhere to be found because they used a secret passage and, what better entrance to a secret passage than a reading room where no one ever goes?"


    "What? No! There are plenty of people who come into this room, it''s just you who¡­"


    James didn''t let him finish, carried away with his theory. "They have their lair right here, right next to the Gryffindors'' common room, to taunt us."


    Peter''s eyebrows raised so high they were now hidden by his blonde bangs. He opened his mouth, puzzled, seeming to search for his words, "O¡­ Okay¡­ And, how do you explain the fact that the Ravenclaws didn''t see them come in?"


    "Very simple, they pay them to guard the entrance. Malfoy is rich, so are the Blacks, it makes sense."


    Convinced he had found the key to the mystery, James expected a standing ovation. All he got was a long, baffled silence. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Peter, who was usually the first to praise his ideas, was staring at him with concern. "James. Are you okay?"


    James rolled his eyes. "What? Come on! It''s not that crazy! There''s got to be an explanation! They can''t teleport!"


    "I learned what happened in potions class this morning."


    James stiffened at those words. He didn''t really want to have this conversation right now. In fact, he''d rather never have it and just bury it in a corner of his mind. "It was a simple accident. No need to make a big deal of it."


    Unfortunately, Peter didn''t look convinced. "Snape caught fire. Snape. The best potions student in the whole school. That''s a bit weird, isn''t it?"


    James gave him a sidelong glance and Peter sighed before insisting, "Jeez, James, Snape almost died. It must have been a bit traumatic, right? I mean... Neither you nor Sirius talked about it... Well, yes, Sirius made a few jokes about it but I''ve never seen him so uncomfortable. It was like he was forcing himself to make them. And you... You didn''t say a word all day and, when Snape came back for dinner, you went crazy. Now you''re telling me that Snape and Malfoy have a secret lair in the castle and they''re paying Ravenclaws to guard it. I''m... I''m worried about you. So I''m asking if you''re okay."


    James remained silent, his eyes fixed on his shoes. What did Peter want him to say? Of course, he was not okay. His body was hurting from all the potions he was taking. He felt weak and useless. He had failed the Quidditch tryouts again and had to settle once more for a position he hated. The power of this year''s spells was beginning to cause him problems. The girl he was madly in love with would prefer Snape, his worst enemy. He was starting to feel inferior to him, even though he was the person he despised the most. Then, this morning, he had almost killed him because of a stupid joke that was now traumatizing him. Meanwhile, Snape was doing great and had even made friends with Lucius Malfoy, the best student in school.


    Why was it that, no matter what the situation, he always ended up feeling overwhelmed?


    "You''re right, Peter. They aren''t here. I was wrong."


    He turned on his heel and walked back to the exit with his head down while Peter let out another sigh. "You have something to do with this, don''t you? James, wait for me... I-"


    "Why weren''t you there this morning anyway?", James suddenly asked. "Did you call in sick because, without Remus to help you, you knew you were going to screw up big time?"


    James knew this to be true. Whenever Remus was too sick to participate in an exam, Peter would suddenly suffer from violent nausea. He may not have been a brilliant student, but when it came to getting out of trouble, he was capable of some pretty clever tricks. James suspected Peter had been secretly making a vomiting potion. Hopefully, his accusations would allow him to escape their conversation.


    His ploy worked and Peter turned bright red.


    "Wh-What? No, it''s not that! I... I mean, yes, but, come on... We''re talking about you here! Not about me!"


    "No joke, did you really manage to do that? How did you do it? Did you find a spell in a book or did you create it?"


    "I created it myself. I didn''t want Madam Pomfrey to get rid of it easily, so I made an existing spell more complex. I was inspired by the Slug-Vomiting Charm..."


    James smiled bitterly. While he was glad that Peter was good at spells, knowing that he could invent them as he pleased reminded him of his own incompetence when it came to magic.


    "My word, you''re really good! You''re definitely going to end up working with your father at the ministry if you keep this up! That said, you could still have given us the benefit of it! That would have prevented us from getting an F in potions!"


    More importantly, it would have saved them from immolating Snape, James thought as he opened the door to the reading room.


    "But I didn''t want to test it on you because I wasn''t sure of the side effects yet!", Peter defended himself. "Believe me, it saved me but it was really not pleasant! I thought I was going to die! I... I even spit out a slug. That wasn''t supposed to happen. And it was disgusting... Plus, I had to put it in my pocket so the nurse wouldn''t see it. Frankly, I''m not ready to work in the magical accident department. Let alone the department of mysteries... In fact, I-"


    "Peter."


    James had frozen on the landing. Ahead of them, Rodolphus Lestrange and Evan Rosier were walking along, talking in low voices. They were coming from down the hall which led to a dead end. There was no doubt about it. James remained calm and waited for them to take the grand staircase before running toward the place they had left. He was right! There was indeed a secret passage! He was not completely crazy!


    Looking triumphant, he turned back to Peter. "I told you so! There''s a secret passage here!"


    He had said this with such glee that Peter couldn''t help but smile. "Yes. You were right, James."


    James let out a laugh as he carefully investigated the walls of the hallway, hoping to spot some kind of secret entrance, but he found nothing. Nothing but a tapestry depicting Barnabas the Fool''s attempt to teach trolls to dance ballet. A ridiculous attempt that ended in bloody failure. It was one of the few things he had learned in History of Magic class.


    James hesitated for a moment before lifting the tapestry but found only the cold wall of the castle. Distraught, he cast a Dissendium, which of course, had no effect.


    There had to be a secret passage somewhere. Another one that the Marauders didn''t know about. This castle was definitely too big. Even in fifth year, they had trouble getting to know every corner of it. If only there were a map, a magical map that would show all the rooms in the castle, even the most secret ones. Better than that, a map that could show the location of every person in Hogwarts... A map that would allow them to track everyone.


    Holy gargoyle. It wasn''t a stupid idea.


    "Peter."


    Peter, who was staring at the wall absently, looked up in James''s direction. "Yes?"


    "Let''s go to the library."


    "Don''t you want to stay, and see if any other Slytherins come here?"


    James shook his head. "No. We don''t know where they are. Maybe they''ve all left already. We''ll follow them better next time. In the meantime, I just had an idea and, I want to know if it''s possible."


    -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


    James and Peter had borrowed every cartography-related manuscript they could find, as well as books on advanced spells. After casting a Leviosa, they were once again on their way to the seventh floor, followed by two huge piles of books when they passed Lily, accompanied by Mary Macdonald.


    The redhead couldn''t help but whistle admiringly at their sight. "Well, well, well! And I thought only Remus could read!"


    The parallels between Lily''s insulting jokes and Snape''s were becoming more and more obvious. She seemed to realize this as she immediately apologized, "I''m sorry. I just wanted to say something funny."


    His lips pursed, James hesitated to retort before finally giving up. As usual, Lily had hit the nail on the head, but he did not feel like making any remark back to her. The way she was smiling and looking at them... Lily was sad and it was probably because of what had happened to Snape.


    Because of what he had done to Snape.


    James'' stomach knotted up. Did she suspect him of something? No. If she had, she would have jumped down his throat by now.


    Lily had fallen silent and neither James nor Peter dared to restart the conversation, remaining facing her, arms flailing. Mary finally cleared her throat and Lily seemed to come to her senses. She excused herself once more before heading for the stairs that had just reached their floor. Hesitantly, she looked at the stairs before finally turning back to the boys.


    "James, Peter... I just wanted to tell you... about Severus..."


    This time, James''s stomach contracted to the point of pain. Eyes fixed on his feet, he mumbled, "We''re sorry for what happened to him. Even he didn''t deserve that..."


    Normally he would have only said that so as not to upset her, but this time he was surprised at his sincerity. Snape didn''t deserve this. Not with all the injuries he already had...


    Snape''s scarred body came back to him in a flash and James shivered.


    Lily nodded slowly. "You know... He... You mustn''t be too hard on him. I know you don''t like him. I can understand that, but you don''t know what he goes through when he''s not at Hog-"


    She didn''t have time to finish as Snape appeared into the hall, Mulciber hot on his heels. James'' heart missed a beat. Once again, his appearance was unexpected. With a straight face, Snape walked down the stairs with a stiff, measured gait. Snape, so ugly and yet so strong. How was he able to maintain complete control of his body after the injuries he had sustained? James didn''t know. He, himself, felt like ivy that had been unhooked from its branch, a limp and deformed stem.


    James'' saliva turned sour. He was torn between jealousy and guilt. The mixture of the two tasted like bile.


    Though Snape smiled at the redhead, his face became marmoreal coldness at the sight of James. Seeing him with Lily displeased him greatly. Within seconds, the atmosphere became electric. Snape''s eyes, black and opaque, came to pierce his soul and James felt that if he looked away now, he would back away from them for the rest of his life.


    No, he wasn''t going to let it happen. Not now. Not in front of Lily.


    Despite the almost palpable tension, James was overcome by a dark bliss. He and Snape, fighting over Lily... The situation was almost routine and even strangely comforting. Maybe, if he were lucky, Snape would end up throwing a cruel taunt at him, and James could finally forget himself in anger. In a saving contempt that would wipe out all his compassion, silence all his complexes. Maybe life could go back to normal and he could forget about Snape''s strange, angular body crawling on the pavement...


    Mulciber''s deep voice snapped James back to reality, "Potter, in case you haven''t noticed, you and your little friends are completely blocking the way. Get your books out of there."


    Mulciber was a sixth-year and looked like a body-built cherub, tall and burly but with a thin face and soft curly blonde hair that encircled his head like a halo. In terms of pure strength, he was clearly superior to James. However, Mulciber was also known to be even more cowardly than Peter and generally slow on the uptake. James knew that, despite his big stature, this idiot would never dare to come at him head-on.


    Staring at Snape once more, James asked in a falsely admiring tone, "Wow, Snivellus, you found yourself a moron to play security guard?"


    "James!"


    Lily was outraged but James ignored her. What he wanted was Snape. The latter grimaced, visibly annoyed. Just as he was about to retaliate, Mulciber tried to walk over to James and unintentionally hit Snape''s cheek, right on the Slytherin''s bandage.


    Snape''s eyes lost their belligerent glow and his skin turned as white as the gauze that adorned his cheekbone. He wobbled before catching himself on the railing, obviously in pain.


    "Severus!"


    There had been two of them shouting his name, but James''s voice had drowned out Lily''s. He''d screamed out of instinct. With Severus, it was all his desire for a return to normalcy that was crumbling.


    "Are you okay?"


    James had stepped across the meager space between him and the Slytherin, kneeling beside him. Realizing that Severus had been far more impacted by their silly joke than he had thought had overwhelmed him with a sudden and irrational terror. He grabbed him without thinking, helping him to stand up straight. His fingers must have pressed on one of the Slytherin''s burns because he started to groan.


    James immediately apologized, "Sorry. You''re not in too much pain?"


    It was the first time he''d seen Snape so vulnerable. He felt so close to him, almost on equal footing. Often Snape had seemed older to him, because of his intelligence and the cynicism he displayed in all circumstances. Along with his dark humor, far from the childish jokes James could make with the Marauders. Even his expressions seemed more mature as if he had already lived longer than they had. The genuine surprise on his face at this moment gave him a new youthfulness.


    His features looked almost pleasant.


    A lock of hair crossed the Slytherin''s face and James reflexively pushed it aside. An oily texture remained on his fingers. All these years, James had wondered what exactly that sour smell was that Snape gave off. For the first time, perhaps because it was stronger than usual, he could identify it.


    "You smell like draconite sulfur."


    James smelled the substance on his fingers again. Across from him, Snape looked at him a little sheepishly, "Yes. I''m working on a Draconite Sulphur potion for my potioneer competition..."


    "Potioneer? You didn''t even finish Hogwarts..."


    "You have to know how to think big."


    The answer drew a smile from James. Snape, as serious as ever. Nevertheless, the smell reminded him of something else. Something familiar.


    "I know that smell, it smells like... It smells like the medicine I take..."


    That''s it. It was coming back to him. This unpleasant smell. That of his potion against dwarfism that he had to take once a week. With the terrible taste that coated his throat every time. Was that why he couldn''t stand Snape? Because he reminded him how sick he was?


    The look he gave the Slytherin instantly made him regret his words. Snape''s face had tightened. Had he... had he guessed?


    "Draconite Sulphur is used in potions to cure skin disorders and those fighting bone disease and dwarfism. It helps the bones to grow and strengthen."


    Oh no.


    Mulciber began to laugh, "Dwarfism? Now that I think about it, it''s true that you are very short on legs. Any chance we''re having little growing pains, Potter?"


    Mucliber''s mocking remarks hit James right in the heart. A terrible mixture of anger and panic fear invaded him. With a livid face, he turned back to the tall blond. "Wh-what did you just say, asshole?"


    He had wanted to sound firm but his voice had faltered. A toothy grin took place on Mulciber''s face as he seemed to revel in the situation. "No shit? Don''t tell me it''s true! Do you really have growing pains? Is that why you fit so well with the first years?"


    "No, it''s... It''s not that at all! I don''t have problems!"


    "Is it because you have an inferiority complex that you persecute others with your little gang? You''re a midget and that makes you snippy?"


    His voice echoed throughout the hall and James'' forehead broke out in a thick sweat. He reflexively shot a panicked look at Lily, who was looking at him with wide eyes, obviously embarrassed. Shit. Was she ashamed of him? Behind her, he thought he saw Mary smiling and Peter was staring at him as if he was a fucking ghost...


    James'' cheeks burned. "Shut the fuck up, you piece of shit!"


    He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Mulciber. The latter lost his mocking look and took a step back. "Whoa, calm down! It''s not my fault if you''re a gnome!"


    James was about to cast a spell on him, but a pressure on his neck made him hold back. Snape had just placed his own wand against his carotid artery.


    "You''re panicking, Potter."


    Snape looked... odd. Normally he would have viciously mocked him, but here... he was holding back. Was it pity? "You''re panicking, Potter." He could have finished him off a thousand times over and that was all he could think of to say? Was this a new way of mocking him?


    Worse, did Snape feel sorry for him?


    James searched almost desperately for the Slytherin''s gaze. He needed him. His lifelong enemy. He needed to see that nothing had changed.


    The way Snape looked away destroyed his meager hope for a return to normalcy.


    Snape spared him. As if James was unable to defend himself.


    It was a fucking nightmare.


    He had to restore the situation.


    He just wanted everything to be the way it was before¡­


    "Shut up, you too! If I were you, I wouldn''t even dare walk around the castle! By the way, nice show you put on this morning! I loved the pyrotechnic effects! Your ghoul imitation was not bad either, but they are a little less ugly in general... And more dressed up too..."


    Please make everything the same as before.


    James didn''t know if it was his wish that had just been granted but he suddenly felt a violent pain in his nose. It took him a few seconds to realize that Snape''s forehead had just crushed against his face. Shit. He had not thought that he would attack him physically.


    "SEVERUS! JAMES! STOP!"


    Lily tried to intervene, but Mulciber swatted her away with his arm, knocking her to the ground. The rest happened surprisingly quickly. Snape charged James again, rushing at him to send them over the railing of the stairs.


    There was a brief fall, followed by a scream.


    James opened his eyes. His nose hurt like hell and he had blood in his mouth. A few feet away, Peter was leaning over the railing, his wand pointed in his direction.


    Was he levitating? He couldn''t feel the ground...


    A new scream rang out and he saw Lily''s redhead whizzing down the stairs.


    "SEVERUS! SEVERUS!"


    She was rushing towards the first floor. James turned his head as best he could.


    He could see it now. Two floors down.


    Severus'' skinny body, folded in on itself like a spider, in a pool of blood.


    This time he''d really screwed up.


    <hr>


    Remus suddenly opened his eyes and sat up to vomit mud. The mixture of bile and dirt had a foul taste and texture and it took him several minutes to expel it all.


    The little pond had doubled in size after a torrential downpour and had nearly swallowed him but, Remus didn''t know that. He had forgotten the boathouse and the mouse, the rocks and the tadpoles. Lost in the middle of the water, deep in the night and far from the lights of the castle, he just felt as if he was swimming in the void.


    A thunderclap resounded in the distance, ending the silence, and the rain fell again. At first, it was a relief, Remus sighed with pleasure as he lifted his chin, letting the large drops run down his face, removing the taste of gall from his mouth. All too soon the downpour turned into a deluge and his instincts screamed at him to take cover.


    The Gryffindor tried to lean on his hands to get up, but they refused to move. They were blue and swollen. Water and cold had stiffened and wrinkled them until they cracked.


    He seemed to be frozen...


    Frozen... He was frozen.


    Remus groaned. He had just reconnected to the world and the world was hurting him. He could feel it now, the bite of the icy air on his body. The storm was rushing through the wet fabric of his uniform to devour his flesh.


    He was going to die if he stayed here.


    A bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, followed by another that struck one of the pillars of the Quidditch stadium. Remus tried to stand up but quickly lost his balance, his feet slipping into the mud. He whimpered in despair, resolving to crawl clumsily towards the shore with his face half-submerged, almost drowning at every movement. Violent gusts of wind punctuated his course, forcing him sometimes to stop and curl up on himself, overcome by the cold. If he could, he would have screamed, but his tight throat only let through meager sighs, which were immediately stifled by the storm.


    He finally managed to get out of the pond, his elbows digging into the earth to drag his body to the shore. He emptied his lungs of the viscous water that had filled them and found refuge under a large rock, his muddy body merging with the dirt that covered the edges of the pond until it was indistinguishable.


    Remus remained for a few moments, shivering against the rock, tensing with each new thunderclap. A sharp pain, far more acute than the others, stabbed through his chest. Something in his pocket was piercing his ribs.


    Grunting, he tried to contort himself to catch the object, his numb fingers succeeding only after many times to seize what seemed to be a long piece of wood.


    A long piece of wood... What the hell was it doing there?


    Remus brought it up to his face, watching it for a moment, confused before his eyes widened.


    His wand. It was his wand.


    A sudden warmth invaded his body and Remus managed to draw on the last of his strength to stand upright in the midst of the storm, his eyes still riveted on the object. With this, he could go back to the castle... A spell. All he had to do was cast a spell... He had to find one, deep in his numb mind. One that would allow him to find a way out of the darkness...


    If only he could create a tiny light¡­


    A tiny light...


    "Lumos..."


    Despite his strangled, almost inaudible voice and vague gesture, a bluish glow appeared at the end of his wand. Remus felt tears of happiness roll down his already-soaked cheeks and tried to say a "Thank you" that was lost in violent sobs. His swollen hand brought the wand to his side and he refused to take his eyes off the light, afraid it would disappear.


    Finally... he was going to be able to go home and end this nightmare.


    A slight smile came to his purplish lips and, moved by a new strength, he walked toward the gentle slope that led to the castle. His trembling hand waved the wand in front of him before suddenly freezing.


    Below, a creature was watching him.

 Saint Christopher

    Love, after all, is just a higher curiosity, an appetite for the unknown that pushes you in the storm, open chest and head forward."


    Gustave Flaubert


    <hr>


    The terror that had suddenly invaded Remus made him cry again. Despite the dark night and the storm he could clearly distinguish it, that monstrous dog''s head, resting on a bipedal body.


    "I... I don''t understand¡­", was all Remus managed to say, staring at the creature that had stopped at the bottom of the slope, a few meters away from him.


    A werewolf.


    Remus was in the middle of a nightmare. How long had he been passed out? Had he been there for several days? Was it a full moon? Why wasn''t he transformed?


    He held a trembling hand to his muddy face. He still had human features. How was that possible?


    A hoarse howl resounded and all coherent thought left him.


    The creature was coming towards him.


    Remus fled around the pond. He almost slipped in the mud, barely catching himself on a tree, and ran down the slope toward the forbidden forest. In the darkness, he could hardly see where his steps were leading. Yet he ran like a maniac, in a straight line. A new warmth invaded him, and his fatigue was gone. He had become a rag doll, animated and guided by a delirious fear.


    A yelp caught his attention and Remus turned briefly to see the creature tumble down the slope before he himself stumbled against a rock. He threw his arms forward to cushion the blow, and his wand bent under his weight with a sinister crack. The shock had half fractured it, but Remus didn''t take the time to inspect it, content to think of a spell as quickly as possible. A few meters away, the beast was moaning on the ground. He had to stop it from getting up again.


    "Stupe¡­", Remus had turned around and pointed his wand at the creature but what he saw left him speechless.


    The beast was now a shapeless mass lying on the ground. Its limbs lengthened before shortening, covered with fur before becoming hairless again while its head grew and shrank in an endless cycle.


    What the hell was going on?


    Distraught, Remus stood up and took a few steps back, unable to take his eyes off the thing. Then, between two transformations, he thought he recognized it. That hideous face with the glowing eyes. The one he had seen behind his window and then in his bed, lying against his stomach. Ten years ago now.


    Fenrir Greyback.


    The werewolf''s features became canine again and it sat up with a guttural complaint.


    A warm liquid dripped down Remus'' thighs as he whispered in a strangled voice, "Leave me alone..."


    He stepped back, sobbing, before raising his wand with a trembling hand. "I beg you. Leave me alone..."


    The monster paused, watching him. It seemed to hesitate, then reached out with one of its strangely human arms in his direction. Remus watched in horror.


    "Stupefy!"


    His wand reddened and heated between his fingers, but nothing happened. Only the wide crack his fall had caused glowed.


    Fuck.


    The werewolf continued to move slowly, each step filling Remus with nameless terror. Running away now was impossible. He had to create a diversion first. Remus tried to recall all the spells he had learned. He threw out the first three that came to his mind.


    "Locomotor Wibbly! Incarcerous! Nebulus!"


    His abrupt movements and broken wand made the first spell fail and weakened the second one, a simple string coming to grip the legs of the beast. However, the third spell worked, and a thick fog invaded the forest''s edges. Remus took the opportunity to escape, leaving his assailant struggling with his bonds as he made his way through the trees.


    If he could evade the creature until daybreak, perhaps he would be saved. Maybe someone would notice his disappearance and eventually send help. At least his friends would come looking for him¡­


    He just wanted someone by his side. So he wouldn''t die alone.


    A branch snapped and Remus turned to see the monster''s silhouette emerging from the mist.


    "Stupefy!"


    The spell failed to explode its wand, went askew, and bounced against the trees before getting lost in the depths of the forest. The wolf''s maw turned towards him and for a moment he held up what seemed to be... a wand?


    What the hell was that?


    A spell passed within inches of him and Remus yelped, starting to run again. He couldn''t understand anything anymore. His feverish mind was having trouble gathering information. So he just ran, zigzagging between the trunks, casting all the spells he could think of: Stupefy, PetrificusTotalus... And soon Bombarda, directly followed by Bombarda Maxima. The spells shot out in all directions, exploding everything in their path. His cracked wand and his terror did not mix well. They had created a terrible monster, a fire worthy of a Fiendfyre spell. Despite the rain, the flames grew and soon acrid smoke replaced the fog.


    Remus coughed violently as he tried to escape both the beast and the fire. He let out a periculum and red sparks flew over the treetops, indicating his distress and position. He couldn''t stop now. Otherwise, he would be devoured. Either by the flames or by that menacing figure that kept following him, howling between the now glowing trees as it tried to reach him.


    Remus didn''t want to feel any more bites on his body. No heat on his tender thigh, bruised since he was five and now hurting as he moved as best he could, going over old stumps as he tried to cross the forest.


    A flaming branch blocked his path and Remus yelled, his eyes wide as he searched the blaze for a new path. He screamed again when he saw the shadow of the beast through the smoke. He didn''t want to die. Please, not so young, not like this. Holding his wand out towards the monster, he cast a spell. The first one that came to his mind, "Endoloris! Endoloris! Endoloris!"


    While the first two hit the beast, it was Remus who collapsed in pain at the third, his broken wand having turned the spell against him. A sharp pain seized his body and his vision blurred. His ankles twisted, his nails dug into his palms until they penetrated their flesh. His eyes bulged, and Remus felt his heart explode in his chest.


    He thought he was about to die.


    Remus did not come to his senses until much later. The fever pierced his skull and made his vision blurred. Dazed, he looked over the branches of the trees, not really knowing what he was doing here. He felt as if he had had a terrible nightmare.


    Hearing whimpering, Remus turned his head with difficulty before freezing at the sight of the beast curled up on the ground.


    No, it couldn''t be.


    Fear made the young Gryffindor sit up too quickly, his vision blurring a little more as he staggered backward, exhausted and confused. He was stuck in a frightening, never-ending hallucination.


    No. It was never going to end. He had to¡­ He had to¡­


    "A... Ava... Avada..."


    He didn''t have time to finish, tripping over a root before falling, rolling down a long slope, ending up in a ditch, his head hitting a large rock.


    If only¡­ If only someone...


    "Help me..."


    -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


    When Remus opened his eyes again, someone was holding him. His vision was still blurred, but he recognized the smell. That musky scent, both powerful and comforting.


    "Sirius..."


    "Remus..."


    His friend''s voice appeased him somewhat. Remus'' trembling hand rested on Sirius'' as he continued to speak, mumbling at times, no longer having the strength to articulate, "Sirius we have to get out of here... There''s a monster..."


    "Remus..."


    "There''s another werewolf... Like me..."


    "No, Remus..."


    "I think it''s Greyback... We need to get away... And there''s a fire..."


    Remus'' eyes, which had remained half-closed, shut and he lost consciousness again, not hearing the last words of his friend who was beginning to sob.


    "It was me, Remus. It was me..."


    <hr>


    The incident in Potions class had not only traumatized James, Sirius too had not come out unscathed. Of course, he had kept a low profile for the rest of the day. He had even forced himself to make a few jokes about the accident, to appear as natural as possible but, still, he felt guilty. Sure, he had always hated Snivellus, but not to the point of wanting to immolate him! It was just a stupid joke... Damn it. What if Snape died because of him? Worse, what if people found out he died because of him? He didn''t want to end up in Azkaban! Well, his father would probably kill him first...


    He had really messed up this time...


    He should never let anyone know what he had done.


    Sirius entered the Great Hall, looking around for the Marauders, and finally spotted James'' disheveled hair. His best friend hadn''t spoken a word all day.


    Sirius hoped his Quidditch practice had lifted his spirits.


    "Hey, James!"


    "Sirius."


    Well, considering James'' anger, Quidditch hadn''t had the desired effect. Sirius glanced at Peter who offered him an apologetic smile, before focusing on his best friend again, asking simply, "Are you okay?"


    "I''m fine."


    James didn''t even give him a look. Was he giving him the cold shoulder? Okay, what he had done in potion class was stupid, but still... James had seen that it was an accident... Did the others know, too? Damn it, did Remus know? He was going to kill him if he found out!


    He instinctively searched for Remus, but he was nowhere to be seen.


    "Where is Remus?"


    This time, James did not even deign to answer him. It was Peter who took care of it, "He left five minutes ago. He didn''t look well at all¡­"


    Sirius frowned. Did they let Remus leave on his own? A week before the full moon? They were complete idiots! They knew very well that Remus was fragile during that time. He could faint, fall, hurt himself!


    Sirius gave Peter a disapproving glance before turning away and leaving the Great Hall. Considering the grim atmosphere at the Marauder''s table, it was better to go in search of Remus, and hope he hadn''t already collapsed somewhere in the castle. He had nearly smashed his temple against a table when he collapsed during the last exams and had passed out several times in the summer heat. Sirius could still see him in his arms, pale as death as he rushed to bring him to the Potter mansion, desperately calling for James'' parents. The fear he had felt¡­


    Remus... His Remus.


    It wasn''t just the werewolf''s behavior that had changed. Sirius'' had changed, too. He didn''t realize it at first. It had been a slow, gradual transformation, invisible to the naked eye, but had ended up blowing up in his face over the summer.


    -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


    "All right, James blamed him for being too much of a mother hen with Remus. But that was normal, wasn''t it? To worry about your weaker friends? Just like it was okay to think they were handsome... It was true that Remus came from a long way down in terms of beauty! When they first met, he looked like a sick chick: skinny, with a bowl-cut, and perched on legs that were way too long for him. And, over the years, Remus had become more and more attractive, and he had noticed it. It wasn''t a crime! Besides, he also found James charming! If he had to hang out with people, he might as well be glad they were pleasant to look at... If Peter was handsome too, he would be even happier. Rather than having to put up with his rat face..."


    Yeah. That''s what he said to himself at the beginning of the holidays. Not very glorious, but he had just tried to turn a blind eye, to protect himself as best he could.


    Then, over the summer, he realized he had just been lying to himself. A big fat lie that finally blew up in his face.


    He remembered the moment perfectly.


    As always during the summer holidays, they had all met at James'' house and had finally escaped the summer heat by going swimming in the river that bordered the Potters'' mansion. Remus had undressed before entering the water, and Sirius had felt his belly twist as his eyes slid down his back to finally detail the fall of his kidneys. Then they bathed, heckled and Sirius finally carried Remus in his arms in an attempt to throw him into the water after he splashed him.


    He had tried.


    But he couldn''t.


    He had frozen when he saw Remus'' radiant face a few centimeters away from his own, his hair made even more blond by the light... His laughter, the little dimples that had formed on his cheeks, the way his pointed nose had wrinkled, the way his eyes had closed as he let himself be carried around, abandoning himself in his arms¡­ All these things... All those little details that suddenly made him realize his situation. His feelings. That had caused his lower abdomen to become hot as hell and made him say two words accidentally. Two words that had later accompanied him throughout his stay with the other Marauder.


    "Oh, shit."


    It wasn''t a joke. He could really sum up every moment with Remus with just those two words.


    Remus coming out of the water and brushing his hair back as tiny drops of water dripped on his hairless chest: "Oh shit."


    Remus offering to share a Popsicle: "Oh, shit."


    Remus sleeping with him on the mattress at the foot of James'' bed: "Oh shit."


    "Oh, shit."


    -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


    From that day on, his heart was a mess.


    He hadn''t tried anything, of course. Remus wasn''t gay. Sirius knew it. So unless he could date the other Gryffindor, he was content to take care of him. He tried to be an exemplary friend, even if it was sometimes hard to contain himself.


    He just hoped it would pass in time.


    "Mister Black. Looking for someone?"


    Sirius was startled, suddenly drawn from his thoughts by Madam Pomfrey. As he pondered, his footsteps had naturally led him to the infirmary, the place Remus was most likely to frequent at this time of the month.


    "Uh, yes. I''m looking for Remus. Is he here?"


    "No. Mister Lupin isn''t here. He hasn''t visited me in a few days, by the way. Is he okay?", Madame Pomfrey asked, a hint of concern in her voice.


    "I don''t know. He left earlier and Peter told me he looked sick. I thought he''d come to see you."


    "No. I''m sorry, but he didn''t. If you find him and he''s not feeling well, bring him to me, okay? It''s best not to leave him untreated right now. We''re only a week away from... Well, you know."


    Sirius nodded hurriedly to let her know he could see what she was talking about as the nurse checked that no one was within earshot. "Yes, I know, Madam Pomfrey. I''ll try to find him and bring him to you."


    Sirius smiled at the nurse before he turned back. Damn. Where the hell did Remus go? Usually, he went straight to the infirmary when he was feeling ill. It wasn''t normal.


    He suddenly had a bad feeling but tried to pull himself together. James was right, he was worrying too much about Remus. Maybe Remus had just gone to bed. He was sleeping a lot these days.


    Sirius went to check anyway, walking up the seven flights of stairs that separated him from the Gryffindors'' dormitories to find their bedroom empty. A shiver ran down his spine. This was definitely not normal for Remus. He wasn''t the type to leave without warning. Then again, maybe he''d gone to the bathroom because of his nausea¡­


    The inspection of the Gryffindors'' toilets was the beginning of a very long journey through the castle. After checking them, Sirius inspected the showers, then the dormitory again, then the toilets on all floors. He then went around the library and all the study rooms, back to the dormitory, and then to the infirmary in case Remus had shown up in the interim.


    But he wasn''t there.


    Distraught, Sirius returned to the Great Hall, looking for James and Peter, but they too were nowhere to be found.


    Damn it. What the hell was going on? Something was definitely wrong.


    Anxious, he began to wander like a ghost in the corridors of the first floor, his eyes inspecting every face he passed, hoping to recognize his friend''s. He even shouted out his name as he walked around the large courtyard despite the rain but no one answered him. Remus seemed to have vanished into thin air.


    "Are you looking for Remus Lupin?"


    A girl from Ravenclaw was staring at him, a big smile plastered on her triangular face. She had reddish-brown hair cut into a bob and long almond-shaped eyes. Sirius felt as if he had seen her before, but couldn''t quite remember her.


    Who was she? How did she know his Remus?


    The girl noticed his scowling face and laughed, a laugh that Sirius found unpleasant. She continued, "I think I saw him outside. Two hours ago."


    "Where did you see him?"


    "Near the Quidditch pitch.¡±


    Ah yes, he remembered now. The girl was a chaser on the Ravenclaw quidditch team.


    ¡°My team finished early because of the storm that was coming up. I guess he left too."


    Sirius remained silent for a moment. Remus was outside? By himself? That wasn''t like him. He barely thanked the Ravenclaw with a quick nod before he headed towards the pitch.Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    The girl''s voice rose again, "I hope you find him. It''s dangerous to leave him alone right now."


    Sirius felt his blood chill as he turned again in shock. What did she just say? Did she know about Remus'' secret? Who the hell was she?


    The Ravenclaw glanced at Sirius before laughing again, "I''m talking about the storm. If he didn''t come back and he''s out there all alone, he might catch a cold. It''s bad enough that he''s often sick."


    Without giving him time to answer, she disappeared behind the corner of the wall. Sirius stood for a moment staring at the now empty corridor, confused, before suddenly shivering. He was convinced that she had just made fun of him.


    Fuck, this time he was sure that there was something abnormal happening. His instincts weren''t wrong. Not about that girl. Nor about Remus.


    He went to follow her when thunder rumbled in the distance, which made him turn back. He would deal with her later. For now, he had to find Remus.


    He quickly reached the exit of the castle, pulling his cloak on his shoulders as he stared at the park. How was he going to find Remus with that storm?


    That storm... Oh, by Merlin, it was the storm! The one they''d been waiting for for over a month with Peter and James! The fifth step! The storm that finished the potion to become an animagus!


    A month and a half earlier, they had completed the first four steps. They had kept this damn mandrake leaf in their mouths for a month before putting it in a vial that they had then hidden each one on their side. Then they had merely repeated the incantation "Amato Animo Animagus" as indicated at sunrise and sunset until they felt a second heartbeat as they pointed their wand at their chest. And there it was finally the fifth step: "As soon as the first flash of lightning appears in the sky, go immediately to the place where you have hidden your crystal vial. If you have followed the above steps carefully, you will find a blood-red potion."


    It was time to become an animagus!


    A violent flash of lightning interrupted his moment of joy and Sirius stopped, staring up at the sky from the castle. Should he warn the others? And Remus? Shouldn''t he go look for him first?


    No. The instructions said to go there at the first lightning. So there was no time to lose. James and Peter must have noticed the storm too, and had probably already gone to get their vials. For Remus, it might be easier to find him once he had turned into an animal.


    Along with the instructions, they had come across a second source about animagi that had given them a rough idea of what they would look like when transformed. Thus, Sirius knew he would be a canine. What species exactly, he didn''t know, but in any case, he could move faster on all fours, or even track Remus with his nose!


    Okay. First, he was going to take the potion, then he was going to transform himself into a super cool animal to go after Remus. He was gonna find him, pretend to be a hero, snog him, and¡­ All right, well, maybe he wasn''t going to snog him, but everything else in his plan seemed perfectly consistent.


    Wasting no more time, Sirius set off, running like mad to get his vial. The place had to be preserved from any human presence, so he had chosen to hide it in the forbidden forest. At the time, he didn''t think it was too risky. He had gone there by a very clear full moon night, with James and Peter waiting for him not far. The location he had chosen, a hollow tree in a clearing, had seemed safe. Even charming. He remembered having admired the plays of lights created by the branches. But now that it was dark and he was alone, everything seemed much more gloomy and he was beginning to think that he had made a mistake in choosing this place.


    Sirius stopped to gaze at the trees, but the forest seemed empty of all creatures, except for a few small spiders that wandered here and there.


    Using a Lumos to light his way, Sirius pressed on, stepping over a few web-covered stumps and into the woods. He walked until he reached a fallen tree with a large hole in its trunk. The light from his wand reflected off the polished surface of the bottle. Great. It was still there. The chrysalis of the Death-Head Sphinx that he had added in the second step was there too. But the butterfly hadn''t come out. Was that normal? There was nothing in the procedure to indicate whether the butterfly should hatch or not.


    Sirius lifted up the vial, holding it up to his nose to observe. The potion was a very dark red. It was hard for him to tell if it was blood-red or not. Well, he seemed to have followed all the steps perfectly. He couldn''t see what could go wrong.


    He hesitated for a moment before looking around. Everything seemed calm to him, but he didn''t feel like drinking the potion in the castle or outside the forest in stormy weather. He cast two protection spells just for the sake of conscience then removed the cork before pointing his wand at his heart.


    "Amato Animo Animagus."


    He drank the potion in one go.


    The effect was almost immediate. A sharp pain came over his whole body and he let go of his wand, falling to the ground, moaning and shivering. He closed his eyes, crying out in pain as his head, about to explode, emptied itself of its thoughts, leaving only the image of a large black dog to appear. He put a hand to his temples and his fingers got lost in a thick fur as he felt his nose and mouth become deformed. Was it supposed to hurt that much? He knew that the first transformation was painful, but it seemed to him as if he had never suffered so much in his entire life.


    No... He didn''t have to worry... He was going to be fine... The pain would subside.


    Except it didn''t. After what seemed like an eternity, Sirius still hadn''t fully transformed. Only his head seemed to have metamorphosed. From the few instructions he''d been given, he was convinced it wasn''t normal.


    He finally retrieved his wand before struggling to sit up. It wasn''t just the pain that was bothering him. His perception of the world had changed and hundreds of new stimuli were assailing him. Everything had a smell. A scent so strong it was sickening. He felt as if someone was burying his face in the damp earth of the forest. He smelled the sap of the trees so violently that it seemed to flow directly into his nose. And then there was that scent, strong and musky that made him nauseous. What was it?


    He sniffed his arm before wincing. It was him.


    A violent headache made him wobble and he had to hold on to a tree, almost missing it because of his new distance perception. His field of vision had expanded but had lost depth and sharpness. The forest was now a succession of gray levels and everything seemed blurred. He could distinguish the trees and rocks around him more easily, but their details seemed to have been erased.


    Sirius looked at the rest of his body, still human. Maybe the butterfly should have hatched... Maybe the potion should have been less dark... In any case, it was sure, his transformation had been screwed up.


    He tried to concentrate and visualize his human form to cancel his transformation but nothing happened.


    The situation was getting really scary.


    In the sensory chaos that surrounded him, a noise more pronounced than the others drew his attention. A sort of clanking sound, coming from the left, behind the trees. Sirius turned his head, finally lighting up with his wand before holding his breath, blocking out the overflow of scent in an attempt to focus on his sight and hearing.


    He heard something walking. Something big... Sirius squinted before suddenly freezing. A spider almost as big as him was moving between the trees, only a few feet away. Followed by another... And another...


    Oh, by Merlin, he was going to die.


    A thud resounded and Sirius jumped in surprise. Another tarantula had come from behind and tried to pounce on him. Only the spells he had cast had prevented it. They were now forming a force field around him.


    Sirius screamed in panic and reached out his wand to cast a new spell on the creature, but only a bark came out of his mouth. By Grindewald the cursed, he couldn''t speak and informal spells were of course only taught from the sixth year onwards!


    The spider clicked its mandibles and Sirius'' ears nearly popped. He could hear them now, those clicks, those hundreds of clicks that seemed to be coming from all directions to get closer to him.


    Panicked, the Gryffindor hesitated a moment on the step to follow. Should he stay here, safe behind his protective bubble, or run away?


    A tarantula solved the dilemma by striking the barrier again, causing it to crack.


    ...At the same time, he''d always sucked at defensive spells.


    The arrival of two more spiders gave him a boost and Sirius took to his heels, breaking through the barrier he had created to escape. His running forced him to take deep breaths and the strong smells of rain, moss and rotting wood filled his lungs until he felt like vomiting. He almost stumbled several times, his animal vision preventing him from seeing properly while it was impossible for him to know where the monsters that were chasing him were, the sounds of his own steps deafening him.


    Sirius jumped over a tree stump before dashing through the brambles, ignoring the thorns that lacerated his uniform. With any luck, they would slow the monsters down.


    The vegetation was becoming sparser, a sign that he was approaching the edge, and soon Sirius thought he could see the park''s short lawn in the distance, below a wide slope. He barely had time to rejoice when something fell from the tree he had just passed, taking some of the branches with it and crashing hard to the ground.


    Sirius'' heart missed a beat. Oh damn, what was that? The forest was falling on his head now? Please don''t let this be what he was thinking...


    A quick glance back unfortunately confirmed his suspicions. A spider, much larger than the ones that had previously attacked him, had tried to jump on him. Behind it, other gigantic forms were moving in the darkness.


    Shit. Even if he could get out of the forest, what was he going to do next? He would never be able to outrun them.


    Even worse, he could feel his breath getting weaker.


    Sirius tried to pick up his pace, but it was no use. He had started to descend toward the edge of the woods, but even with the incline, his legs were weakening. He was out of strength.


    Was it worth it to run all the way down there? What difference would it make, really, except where he died?


    The shrill hiss of the spider, while not answering his questions, gave him another adrenaline rush. With his breathing completely chaotic, Sirius continued his rush to the lawn. It didn''t matter what happened next. There was no way he was going to die in this fucking forest.


    Just a few yards. He had to run just a few yards.


    The weight of the spider that had just thrown itself at his back took his breath away. Its legs gripped his body like a vice and they rolled to the ground, carried down the slope to the edge of the forest. Sirius tried to curl up, attempting to escape the animal''s grip as the rocks and branches scraped his body. He felt the monster''s mandibles digging into his fur in search of his throat and grabbed the end of one of his paws between his fangs in a desperate act, biting down as hard as he could.


    There was a flash and the beast loosened its grip, leaving Sirius to roll across the park lawn until he was stopped by a puddle of mud. Lying on the ground, he opened his eyes with difficulty. Around him, the landscape was spinning to the point of nausea, a feeling that was heightened by the sensation of a cold, hairy thing inside his mouth. He had taken with him the leg of his assailant.


    Sirius managed to roll to the side to spit it out. Confused, he raised his head and his eyes were drawn to a bright light. A great luminous barrier encircled the forest. Behind it, the tarantulas had gathered and were trying in vain to cross it, each of their blows turning against them, making them hiss with anger.


    Sirius remained silent in front of the spectacle, watching the spiders struggle against the barrier before finally giving up and returning to the forest. He would have liked to laugh but he didn''t have the strength to do so. His whole body was aching. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back, trying as best he could to put order in his mind, to sort out all these sensations.


    Holy gargoyle... He had almost died. This forest was definitely dangerous... Damn it, he was an idiot. Of course, this forest was dangerous. It was called "The Forbidden Forest". What did he expect? He should never have gone there... In any case, it was sure that he would never set foot there again.


    He still wondered if Dumbledore knew about it. That there were giant spiders roaming the forest.


    A loud thunderclap made him look up to the sky. The storm was getting more intense. It was better to go back to the castle, especially since he was worried about his health. He seemed to be stuck in his animagus form... Was he going to stay like that? Would he have to spend the rest of his life disguised as Anubis?


    He tried to take human form again, but fatigue prevented him from concentrating. Sighing, he finally came to his senses. Everything had gone wrong and he needed help. He had to go to the infirmary. To see Pomfrey and McGonagall. He had no choice.


    Eventually, he sat up, completely exhausted, his gaze turning for a moment to Quidditch''s stadium. He wasn''t far from where Remus was last seen. But the other Gryffindor must have already left. He probably got somewhere safe. At least he hoped he did.


    Sirius hesitated for a moment before finally straightening up and walking with an uncertain step towards the castle. No matter how much he reasoned, he had the impression that he couldn''t abandon the mission he had given himself. With each step, he turned and looked all around him in the hope of seeing the other boy. As if Remus would suddenly appear before him. He even tried to use his nose by closing his eyes to focus on his smell. He made every effort to remember exactly what Remus smelled like, to compare it with all the other smells he could detect. But he found nothing. If Remus had indeed been there, his scent had vanished with the arrival of the rain, replaced by the scent of wet earth and grass.


    He opened his eyes again, disappointed. If his ugly dog''s head had been able to produce tears, he would have cried. How could he have thought that finding him would be so easy? Maybe Remus hadn''t even disappeared. Maybe he was reading somewhere in the warmth of the castle. Maybe they kept passing each other, missing each other while he was looking for him¡­ Fuck''s sake. All the time he was just imagining a fucking story, with his stupid hunches. James was right, when it came to Remus, he was completely out of his mind. Everything he''d done so far was ridiculously reckless and immature.


    As Sirius was about to give up, a glow caught his eye. About ten meters away, on top of a hill, someone was using his wand to light up.


    Sirius thought his heart would burst out of his chest. Was it Remus? Had being completely paranoid served him well for once? Even if it wasn''t Remus, the person must have needed help to be there, alone, in the middle of a storm. Maybe it was James or Peter. Maybe their transformation went just as badly as his!


    Without further thought, he rushed towards the mound. A few meters up, the mysterious stranger had his back to him. He looked unwell and wobbled, as if he were about to collapse.


    Sirius was about to signal his presence when he turned and faced him, his wand raised in front of him finally revealing his face. Despite the mud and terror that distorted his features, he could be recognized in a thousand ways.


    Remus was right there, right in front of him.


    For a brief second, Sirius felt as if everything was back in place.


    "Remus!"


    Sirius had wanted to shout his name, but nothing had come out of his throat except a howl. He didn''t pay much attention, however, completely focused on his friend, who was shaking like a leaf a few yards away from him. What the hell was he doing there? Why was he in such a state? What had happened to him? Had he been mugged? Attacked? Oh, Merlin, Remus. His Remus.


    Sirius climbed up the slope to try to get closer to him. Why did Remus look so frightened? Sirius has never seen him like this, with his eyes so wide open! Why was he running for his li- OH SHIT!


    "REMUS!"


    Another scream, another howl. Reality hit Sirius hard. It was he who terrorized Remus. He''d come back to him in the middle of a storm with a bloody dog''s head! How could he make Remus understand that it was him? That he was in no danger? Remus looked so messed up. Maybe it was better to let him go, to let him lose him so he could go back to the castle alone¡­


    Sirius hesitated and slowed his pace for a moment, stopping at the top of the hill to observe his friend''s trajectory. The latter had descended the slope before running in a straight line... in the direction of the forbidden forest.


    "DAMN IT, REMUS! COME HERE !"


    Sirius took off after him, racing down the slope before tripping over a root and sliding down the hill. He groaned at the fall, but soon forgot about the pain when he saw that Remus had also fallen to the ground. His poor friend must have hurt himself... Damn... Remus looked so scared...He had to make himself recognizable. He had to get back to his human form... He had to breathe, yes, that''s it, he had to breathe, to clear his mind.


    Sirius closed his eyes, trying to focus on his human form. He felt the pain again, similar to the one he had felt after drinking the vial, spreading through his body, and stirring his muscles. It hurt... So much¡­ But it worked. He could feel his mouth shrinking, his coat becoming smaller, turning into flesh... Yes. It was working... Oh...


    Oh no, it wasn''t working at all!


    Sirius felt like he was imploding. His hands burned horribly and he brought them as close to his face as he could to see claws continually moving in and out of his fingers. His knuckles were covered with fur before receding. Everything was repeating itself endlessly. He felt as if he had entered some kind of loop. Shit. Was he going to die? Could anyone die from this?


    He looked up at Remus, who seemed terrified by the situation. If only he could tell him that everything was going to be okay... That he was going to take care of him...


    Groaning, Sirius looked down at his hands again before being drawn to the glint of his ring. His ring... It was the memory of a distant ancestor, one of the few Blacks who had not been a complete bastard. He had worn it all his life. Remus knew it. Maybe if he showed it to him, he would recognize it...


    He let out a scream as he finally gave up trying to regain his original form, the pain washing over him one last time before it subsided to a tolerable level. With his head back in canine form, he stood up as best he could. The smell of urine reached his nose and he felt like crying. Shit. Remus had peed himself because of him?


    Remus¡­


    "Leave me alone..."


    Sirius'' heart cracked. Remus looked like he was in agony.


    "I beg you. Leave me alone..."


    If only he could leave him alone. Let him go. But if he did that, Remus would surely go to the forest to seek refuge.


    Sirius desperately held out his arm towards Remus to show him his ring, but Remus paid no attention to it, too busy casting spells on him.


    "Stupefy!"


    Remus'' spell had no effect and Sirius felt sorry for him.


    "Locomotor Wibbly! Incarceruos! Nebulus!"


    Correction, Sirius didn''t feel sorry for him. Remus seemed to have regained his composure, which made it harder to deal with him. Luckily his wand was screwing things up, otherwise, it would have immobilized Sirius for good.


    Sirius had no trouble getting out of the thin rope that had been wrapped around his legs. To his surprise, the fog was no obstacle either. He could hear the branches creaking under Remus'' footsteps and the loud sound of his breathing. Better yet, he could smell it.


    Was it because he had given up on transforming that his senses had become disciplined? It seemed to him that once he had accepted his new body, his pain had subsided.


    Remus had blinded himself, which gave Sirius the advantage. If he could find him and immobilize him, maybe he could stick the ring under his nose and Remus would understand that he was not a danger.


    Either way, he had no choice. They were in the forbidden forest now. There was no way he was going to leave Remus alone in this place.


    Sirius pulled out his wand. Hopefully, in the action, his wizarding instincts would take over and he would be able to cast a few spells without having to formulate them.


    "Stupefy!"


    Remus had missed him by inches. Waving his wand, Sirius tried to cast a Petrificus Totalus. The spell went off with a bang but somehow missed the other Gryffindor, who took off like a rabbit through the trees. Of course, it wasn''t enough that he didn''t even know if his spells would work, he had to aim like shit.


    To make matters worse, the fog intensified until it became opaque white. Sirius had to stop running. They were getting closer to the center of the forest and the trees were becoming too numerous, forcing him to grope his way forward. Dashes of color flew here and there, sometimes grazing him. Spells that Remus seemed to be casting on a string.


    An explosion sounded and Sirius'' hair stood on end. Using his sense of smell and hearing, he tried to find his friend, moving forward with his arms outstretched to warn himself of obstacles. Then a bright light allowed him to see his surroundings again. A tree was on fire. No, not just a tree¡­


    A part of the forest was burning.


    "Bombarda Maxima!"


    Remus had just yelled from a few feet away and Sirius saw his silhouette cut through the trees, lit by a flash of white. Then everything turned gray and there was only the smell of fire. Remus had lost control. Obeying only his own terror, he had set fire to the deepest part of the wood, which consisted of dry trees with intertwined branches that caused the flames to spread at an incredible rate.


    They were going to die if they stayed here any longer.


    Despite the suffocating flames, Sirius began to run again to follow Remus'' lead, watching for the fateful moment when he could pounce on him.


    He thought he had found the right moment when a flaming branch blocked Remus'' path, causing him to lower his weapon as he panickely looked for another way. This was his chance. In one swift movement, Sirius threw himself in front of Remus and took advantage of the surprise effect to try to step over the flames. But Remus was faster. Sirius saw him draw his wand as he shouted these terrible, forbidden, words.


    "Endoloris! Endoloris! Endoloris!"


    He felt like he was being stabbed and then thrown backward, as if a spear had impaled him and then carried him along on its way. He didn''t even feel the ground beneath his back as he crashed to the ground. No outside stimuli reached him. For a few seconds, he felt nothing. Nothing but the hole that had opened up in his chest.


    Then came the real pain.


    Hundreds of arrows had just pierced his body. He was sure of it. He could feel each of his organs being punctured, each of his veins opening. The points were testing him, cutting into his ribs, little shards of bone slipping through his flesh.


    Sirius wanted to scream but nothing came out of his throat. No relief was allowed and he had to stand there, suffering in silence, begging inwardly not to be shot even once more, to put him out of his misery. But no one came to his aid, and he remained trapped inside his own body, praying for death.


    -/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


    It was a burning sensation that brought him back to reality. Sirius slowly opened his eyes, groaning from the sweat that had dripped from under his eyelids. He lay there, staring into space before the smell of burning drew his attention. His cloak was catching fire. Damn...


    In spite of the urgency, he took time to react, still stunned, slowly getting up to take off his cloak and let it burn.


    Around him, the fire had invaded the forest. It was dangerous to stay here. Sirius knew that. Yet he couldn''t move. He felt as if he was seeing reality behind a thick veil, as if he were already dead.


    He watched the fire progress until the toxic fumes made him cough violently. It was better to leave¡­What had he come here for again?


    He brought a hand to his face, confused, his fingers wiping the sweat from his forehead. Well... He had regained his human form... That was nice... This way, he wouldn''t scare Rem...


    "OH FUCK, REMUS! REMUS!"


    Sirius looked around in a panic. Where the hell was he? He couldn''t see him. He couldn''t hear him. Was he dead?


    "REMUS!"


    Sirius finally approached a corner for the moment spared from the flames, facing a small ravine with a stream running through it. That''s when he saw him, lying on the rocks.


    Remus was unresponsive and blood was pouring from his forehead.


    Sirius almost jumped out of the way, running down the slope, rushing at his friend as he nearly collapsed on top of him from the momentum he had gained.


    "Remus! Hold on! I''ll get you out of there! I''ll get you out!"


    He grabbed Remus to carry him in his arms, crossing the river with him. The coolness of the water helped him withstand the infernal heat that now reigned in the undergrowth. It gave Sirius enough strength to quicken his pace, and he made his way through the still-intact trees to emerge from the forest unharmed, about ten minutes later.


    "This is it... Remus. We made it. We made it..."


    "Sirius..."


    "Remus..."


    Sirius held Remus against him as he sat down in the grass, watching his swollen face, covered in blood and mud.


    All because of him.


    "Sirius, we have to get out of here... There''s a monster...", Remus seemed severely delusional. He spoke without interruption, sometimes with a voice so weak that Sirius could not understand what he was saying. He was talking about Greyback. He had not understood. Sirius had to tell him the truth.


    "It was me, Remus. It was me..."


    He looked down at Remus. The boy had fainted.


    Hideous sobs erupted from his chest and Sirius cried without stopping, clutching Remus to him as if his life depended on it.


    "MISTER BLACK!"


    The Headmaster''s voice startled him and Sirius couldn''t help but cry harder at his sight. Dumbledore was there, accompanied by the other teachers. He looked both worried and angry. The glow of the flames echoed in his beard, which was still red in places. He glowed like a phoenix.


    "IT''S ALL MY FAULT, PROFESSOR!", Sirius had screamed in such a heartbreaking manner that Dumbledore paused, visibly surprised. His face softened and he ordered Madam Pomfrey to grab Remus.


    Sirius hesitated for a moment before finally loosening his grip, letting Remus slip from his arms into hers. She gave him a worried look, "What happened? What happened to him? Did he get hexed?"


    "I... I don''t know. I don''t think so. But he hit his head. Heal him, please."


    "Don''t worry about it, Mister Black. He''ll be fine."


    The nurse straightened up, holding the boy against her as best she could before Slughorn came to assist.


    Dumbledore ordered them to take the boy to the infirmary before turning to the other teachers. "Put out the fire before it gets out of hand."


    They nodded, drawing their wands. It reassured Sirius a little to see the entire teaching staff taking charge of the situation. With them, the blaze would surely be brought under control quickly.


    The headmaster pulled him out of his thoughts by placing a hand on his shoulder. " Mister Black. I think it''s time to give me some explanations."


    Sirius looked up at him. Oh, he knew he was going to be in big trouble. But right now, he didn''t care. Remus was saved. That was all he cared about.


    Nodding his head for a long time, he finally whispered in a strangled voice, "I''ll tell you everything."