《Sinful Love [GL]》 (Vol - 1 : Ch - 1) : The feelings that I shouldnt have What am I doing..... Why have I become like this...... Who''s at fault?........is it me?...... Did I turn out like this because of me? Or is it someone''s fault? ...if it is...then who?.....it''s their fault.....yes it has to be. Sometimes I wish they would just...... "Uuuu...your eyes turned scary, Silica" hmm, did they? but Jinny said that they did, so it must be true. What am I supposed to do during this...? ....apologize..I guess??? "Sorry, Jinny. I didn''t intend to startle you" this should have been the right course of action "Mmmm, I guess it did startle me a little...you don''t show much emotion after all" Did I use to show emotions?.... I don''t remember...but I wonder how the past me felt like being able to express herself so freely. Should I ask Jinny? This girl lying next to me is my good friend I suppose... though she prefers the word ''Best'' instead of ''Good''... it''s sort of embarrassing to say, so I just stick with the word ''Good''. It has been almost 3 years since I met her... it was during a fight I think...... we both bruised each other during the fight. Who started the fight? what was the reason?... I don''t remember anymore How did we change from enemies to bes....good friends?.... I don''t even remember that. It just happened, let''s satisfy my mind with that. "Neee, Silica. The sky is beautiful today as well, don''t you think so?" where did the sky come from all of a sudden...ah! I remembered she loves the sky, doesn''t she. But that doesn''t mean that I also have to share her sentiments "I don''t get it. It''s just a sky...it''s there every time you look...it''s simply just a sky" I see it every day but I don''t feel anything out of it. What am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to feel joy? happiness? dread? hopelessness?....what is it? "Che! you are boring as ever. Don''t you see the beauty behind it? it''s strength...it''s unbreakable will to do anything it wants. No one can defeat it...No one can make it theirs...No one can defy it...no one can chain it down, just like an overlord" "I guess..." her eyes are glimmering.... but I still don''t get it, what use is there to idolize some object......idolizing someone brings forth no good.... *Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!* ... The third period is over it seems like "Hey, Silica, the period is over...wanna attend the fourth period?" "Whose period is it?" "It''s history...so I suggest we just keep lying down here on the rooftop" "Mmm" ... This wind is making my nose itchy...hmm? what''s Jinny holding? ...tobaco...A cigarette pack, I see. "When did you start smoking, Jinny" "Hmm? this?..oh! I haven''t, yet. I just want to give it a try. See what it feels like...wanna give it a try?" Now, this is a problem...I don''t want us to do it...but I will be lying if I said I wasn''t curious. Yeah...should probably stay away from it, "Ok, give me one" huh?...my mouth just moved on its own.....it seems like the curiosity got the better off me... then I should just face defeat as a warrior should. "Ohhhh! Thank you! Thank you so much! Silica! Like really, I am kinda scared to try it but with you, it shouldn''t be a problem. C''mon let''s be partners in crime for the 78th time now" Don''t hug me while holding a cigarette in your hand... she''s too clingy... but I don''t feel disturbed by it. I also don''t feel good... ...I just don''t feel anything. "How do we do it?" this is my first time, so I don''t know "Why would I know?" "huh?" then how are we going to do it? "We can learn it from utube. It has anything you want to learn...wait for a second, let me find a popular one" Hmm...so there are tutorials for smoking too on utube...I never searched for it so it''s not like I would know it. "Turn your head here Silica, we are going to do it together. Here! one cig for you and one for me...and here''s the lighter" she came prepared with everything *Dun!**Dun!* (EDM music playing) "AH! FUCK! volume! the fucking volume!.......fuuu, sorry Silica" "It happens" but why in the bloody hell is there EDM at the start of the smoking video? "Yo! what''s up, guys! it''s your boy, weedmaster69 here and I''m here to teach you guys, how to properly and efficiently smoke a cigarette. This is like the best method"Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. there are different ways to smoke too? "Before we get on with it, I just want to warn you guys that cigarette is very injurious to your health so please don''t ¡ª" "Jeez! we know! just get on with the tutorial. This much skip should be fine" If he''s warning us...then why is he himself teaching us in the first place? is it really a good video? it does have 3.3 million views and only 2k dislikes...so I guess, it''s good? "Smoking can injure your kidney¡ª" "Fukcing Christ! Just start the actual fucking thing! it''s been 5 minutes already!" Veins are starting to pop on Jinny''s head...but I''m surprised by how much a person can stall "Ok! bros! this is how you do it. Just follow me" "Oh! it''s finally happening! the bastard''s finally telling it! Silica! watch carefully now." "Mmm" ....So you grab the cigarette from here, hmm...it''s surprisingly squishy. Now...put one end in your mouth. Grab the lighter, light it and........hmm, the other side started burning. Jinny''s cigarette tip is also burning....now...breathe in the smoke...don''t take it in completely and "fuu*cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!*" "*cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!*" fuck! that was¡ª "FUCKITY FUCK! THAT WAS BULLSHIT!!!" yeah...can agree. ah! she also threw it away along with the whole pack...guess I should too. "Jesus!..*cough* cough* that felt nasty" "You said that right" "haaaahhhh...not trying it ever again...but at least, now we know!!" "Yeah.." "Btw Silica. We shouldn''t throw these cigarettes like this on the school''s rooftop. We would be the prime suspect if they found it" "Yeah.." really, no good came out of it ... haaaahhhh, finally finished picking up all the cigarettes. Jinny would throw them away when going back home. *Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!* The fourth period is also over "Yeaaaaa! it''s the break finally." Though she says it so happily...but we have been on a break for the past two periods now. "Food time! Food time! I wonder what should we eat today?" Anything would be good ... "Mmm! this sandwich tastes good! what about you, Silica" "It''s fine I guess" it''s edible and that''s all I need "By the way, why don''t you ask your sister to prepare food for you? She brings her own lunch right?" "I don''t know" I just don''t want to burden her any more than she already is. Again...whose fault is it? is it mine?...is it hers....or is it theirs.... It''s probably theirs...... Everything is their fault.......they should just..
"Silica your eyes are turning scary again"
huh? they were? though Jinny whispered it to me...so it''s probably true Shit...the third-period teacher is coming. "Jinny, the teacher is coming towards us" she''s facing the other side, so I notified her "Hmm? fuck..he is. Well, there''s no helping it" "Yeah..." he probably mad and fuming right now because we skipped his classes for the entire weak *Thump!*that was a loud food stomp "Well, well, well....if it isn''t Miss Silica and Miss Jinny. The infamous Delinquent Duo of our prestigious school" Hmm...even though they don''t approach us and try their best to stay away from us but the moment a teacher starts lecturing us these kids start snickering. It would be more appreciated if they laughed at us from the front. But I don''t give a shit. I wonder when did I stop giving a fuck about a stranger''s opinion. When did I stop giving a fuck about most opinions? I wonder if I was more lively then... "Not attending classes, bleaching your hairs like this. Miss Jinny, didn''t I warn you to not wear chokers, to not wear such headbands and to n.o.t w.e.a.r such earings!!?" hmm, but I think Jinny''s maroon coloured hair and my silver one looks good. "Yeah, yeah...not do this..not do that...don''t wear this...don''t wear that...I have almost memorized it by now, teacher" that''s a nice smirk you are showing to the teacher...but I don''t think it''s doing us any good. "Miss Jinny, I know we can''t expect anything out of you...but you! Miss Silica! you are the sister of our school''s pride! Your sister has such a bright future, she''s so smart and runs the student council so effectively...really a genius...but you on the other hand... don''t Miss Silica feel a little shame? skipping classes, scoring low in exams, fighting and just being a stupid delinquent!!" He''s yelling more than he should. Jinny is just taking it in from one ear and throwing it out from another. I''m also doing the same thing...but why does he have to bring Siberite into it? Siberite being a genius has nothing to do with me....we are different. I''m not her...yet they always keep comparing me....even they.... Yes...even they don''t stop spouting shit about us......they should really just... Hmm? Jinny''s pulling the hem of my sleeves....ah! my eyes turned again. "Why don''t you learn anything from your sister?!" he didn''t notice them...that''s good. They are laughing....they are snickering...they are lowering me...they are lowering Siberite....they are making fun of Siberite. They are trying to mock Siberite by comparing me to her....this can''t be forgiven...this shouldn''t be forgiven....they shouldn''t be laughing...they can laugh at me....but they can''t How can they?.....she does so much for everyone.....why can they?......where''s the shame?.....I should be feeling pity for myself....but I am not....why am I feeling pity just for her....why am I not getting angry for myself....why is the anger rising for her? why?.....why???....why??????..... What am I doing..... Why have I become like this...... Who''s at fault?........is it me?...... Did I turn out like this because of me? Or is it someone''s fault? ...if it is...then who?.....it''s their fault.....yes it has to be. They should just...... "Oi!!! Stop your babbling!! Yeah, we skipped your class, so what? Can you do anything?! No, right!. I mean really, it doesn''t seem good seeing a teacher taking out his anger on students for getting his ass whooped by his wife every day" eh?...what was I thinking? I started thinking about bullshit again......Jinny... thank you... "Wha-wha-...wh..." he''s angry now "huh? what!?! ''Wha-wha-...wh...'' speak properly!! you are a teacher aren''t you!! fucking wasting our time like this. Get out of here! finish your Tiffen! don''t want your wife to spank you again!! right!!!??" Jinny...you really are something else for yelling at a teacher like this. I''m starting to admire you just a little bit. "I-i...I-I-I will call your parents!!" ....and he went away "Yeah!? then call them!! I will also reveal to the entire world that your wife dominates you in the bed!!!" yeah....he will not be calling them now. These kids are now laughing at the teacher...the speed with which they change sides "What are you bunch of hoes and bastards laughing for!!!??? get back to your bloody classes!!" and there they go away "You really are something else, Jinny" "Well...better do everything I want before being tied down..." I can clearly see the hint of sadness in her eyes.....I want to fix it but I don''t know the solution... The only thing I can do is hold her hand tight and, "Don''t worry. We are going to break your engagement no matter what" she smiles brightly and, "Yeah! I believe in my best friend" best...... "Ah right, thanks for earlier. I think I would have done something regrettable if you didn''t suddenly yell back at the teacher" "You are welcome. Just treat me to an ice cream tomorrow. But Silica, your mind is getting messed up, right?" "Yeah...I think so. These violent thoughts....they just won''t stop. It''s constantly rigging in my mind... telling me to do something I shouldn''t" "Telling you to...kill...right?" Yes... everyone who''s at fault for turning me into this, everyone who treats Siberite like she''s some convenient tool, that fiance who''s trying to tie Jinny down They should just....die. But "Yes...but that ringing is only trivial. One other ringing is making me go mad, making me think about some unthinkable things" making me imagine some things that I shouldn''t imagine.....making me hope some things I shouldn''t be hoping for... making me confused...uncertain... "What are they? Tell me, It''s better to share your problem with me" Yes....after all, she''s my....... .....best friend. "I''m thinking about being in an impure relationship with my Sister"
(Vol – 1 : Ch – 2) : This class felt weired 24th May, 2025 "So students, today we will be starting with calculus" Calculus ne...I wonder why I took math as an optional subject in the arts. Maybe it was the heat of the moment or maybe some other reason. My memory is not keeping me good. I eat almonds every day but still, my memory is not supporting me. "There are various topics in it, you people must have heard about differentiation, integration and stuff like that. We will get there eventually but to start off our journey through this wonderful field of maths, we need to start with limits. Functions will also be quite widely used but we have already covered them in the previous standard." Hmm, he sure is passionate about this calculus. These students are also quite involved. They just want to move into the higher section but what''s the point of it? This is the D section of 12th arts class, students here are diligent too but they are not as gifted as those in upper sections. They are trying to compete with those above them, will get disappointed in the end, become depressed and some may even consider suicide as an option. Now that I think about it, this may be the last year I see some of them alive. But then again what''s even the point of me thinking about shit like this. At least they are doing something, unlike me. But it''s not like I don''t want to do something. I also want to do something but not this. I don''t know what it is that I want to do but I know for sure that I don''t want to follow a crowd of sheep like these students. Ah! I remembered why I took Maths as an optional subject. I think I wanted to ruin my reputation. If my reputation is ruined, then theirs will too. So yeah, I just wanted to ruin their reputation. All they can think about is reputation, about social status and because of it, they have made me like this¡ª No......I became like this because I didn''t want things to go their way. They have already almost ruined Siberite''s life and I''m not going to allow them to do the same to me. I have to save her from their clutches. I''m the daughter of a rich household and they...I mean, my parents are the root problem. Father is greedy and only has money in mind, he doesn''t see me or Siberite as his daughters. We are only assets in his eyes, two assets he can use to climb higher in this world. Mother is an attention whore, she wants people to praise her, she wants to boast, her image is the only thing that matters to her. If we are assets in father''s eyes then to mother we are just two art pieces she can show off to other people. They have wrapped Siberite around their fingers, Siberite acts like their ideal asset and object. I constantly tell her to stop pushing herself but she doesn''t listen. Siberite is smart, she is kind, she is a genius child but because of that, she''s a perfect asset for father to rise further in this world by using her in some engagement. The same goes for mother, she can boast all she wants about her daughter and gain social image.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. The same should have been for me but I''m a thorn to their side. If I ruin my reputation then it would reflect badly on them and constantly doing it everyday......I just don''t know when it ended up becoming a part of my personality. The fake acts became a part of me and now I can''t go back. No, it''s more like I don''t want to go back. I shouldn''t be having these thoughts about the people who gave birth to me, I should be feeling grateful to them, I should be doing everything I can to satisfy their needs but I can''t. Siberite is already doing it so do I have to do the same? why can''t I feel these emotions towards them? why do I only feel hatred towards them? Why do I feel disgusted towards myself for thinking about things like these? why am I behaving like this? why am I acting angsty? why am I acting like I''m some pitiable human being? Why? why? why? I don''t know, I don''t know, I don''t know "Cambsd..sssaaar¡ª" what the hell is the teacher saying? I can''t hear him properly. His head is twisting backwards. What''s happening to everyone around me? Everyone''s head is spiralling inwards, the board is spiralling outwards. "ADJJDJDDNJDNnaciajin!!!" stop, stop, stop. You are looking disgusting right now, the words coming out of your sucked in mouth are distorted. Why are you grumbling, why is everyone around looking at me? what are they saying? I can''t understand. They are laughing, they are mocking me, this is what I wanted right? for people to mock me. Good, good, now their reputation will crumble more. Good, good, this is good. I wanted this, my wish is being granted huh? my arms are being sucked into nothingness. ah! there goes my pinky into nothingness. *Splurt!* is this blood? what a mesmerizing colour. The pressure with which it is gushing out of my pinky, falling on the desk, on the floor....so beautiful. Is this my reward for defying my parents? *Boom!* *Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Boom!* Ahhhhh!!!! everyone''s head is exploding. Such a weak human body, their brains shattered just like that. Their blood, skin, fat, mass scattered around the whole class....just looks so artistic. *Thud!**Thud***Boom!**Boom!**Boom!**Thud!**Thud**Thud!**Thud* Students trying to run away from these sudden explosions. Scattering the chairs, turning the whole classroom into a mess Now nothing is left, only me...art, is the best way I can describe it as Such a good reward. It''s the best gift of my life. What''s next? is it mine? is my head going to explode next? is everything going to finish now? but I want to see more. I haven''t even told Siberite about my dilemma. I haven''t even told her about those different ways I want to bully her, to kiss her, to eat her, to mess her up. I can''t die, I can''t die, I can''t die. ''You deserved this'' no, you are wrong Jinny. I''m just doing what I think is right, it''s them who deserve this. I''m not doing anything wrong by defying them, they should also suffer, just like they make us suffer ''Deciding everything on your own, not listening to other''s opinion, really what a selfish person. You deserve to die'' hahaha, maybe you are right Jinny. You are never wrong, I enjoyed seeing the blasting death of my classmates so it would be wrong of me to don''t expect the same. My head should also explode, maybe then I would finally be at peace and not think about complicated stuff. ''Hahaha, now you so easily forgot about confessing to your sister. How weak are your feelings'' No, No, No, I don''t have those kinds of feelings for her. I don''t want to burden her, I''m just confusing these two types of love ''But didn''t you want to kiss her, mess her up? that doesn''t sound like sisterly love. That sounds like some sinful Love'' No, I don''t want to do it. That wasn''t me. I didn''t say anything like that. It wasn''t me. It wasn''t me. It wasn''t me. It wasn''t me. kissing Siberite in this class filled with blood¡ª No! I didn''t think that! I didn''t, I didn''t Taking her virginity in front of those pathetic parents. that sounds goo¡ªNo! it doesn''t, it doesn''t. It''s not me, it''s not me, it''s not me *Ding**Ding**Ding**Ding* HUH!?? ahh....the period is over. Time to go home now how did the period go by so fast? it''s a one hour lecture. How did it end so fast? I can''t remember. What was I doing?