《Rantings of the Broken》 Unnoticed The thoughts inside my head are often ignored, but other people think that their thoughts should be the center of attention. I try to show love when nobody loves me. I hold my tears in when trying to dry the tears of others. I would do anything for someone to keep them from taking their life, but no one would take a second glance if I took my own.Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. I have spent hours mending people''s hearts while my own goes bleeding unnoticed. I would be accepting of whatever people believe or feel, but people look down upon my thoughts and feelings. I strive to look for those who are hurting inside, but I walk through the halls being ignored, unnoticed. There is someone hurting so do your part to love everyone because someone may be feeling unloved. Thinking of You Honey did you block me? Did you leave me? Are you gonna make me blow away? I wanna be there with you And this is the truth of what I''m gonna say: I miss the days of laughter I miss our times of fun Don''t wanna lose those days when I would be your number one.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Can''t imagine if you walk away from me Cause you''re the one that sets me free. I see you in the hallways, you know it pains me I wanna reach out and say "hello, how you doing?" But I put my hand down, heart ever sinking While in my head ringing is this simple phrase: I miss the days of laughter I miss the days of fun Don''t wanna lose those days when I would be your number one. Can''t imagine if you walk away from me Cause you''re the one that sets me free. I''ve spent days thinking of you, sobbing greatly You''re always there in my head clouding all my thinking And now I know you''re leaving, leaving my heart to die You keep on walking as I cry: I miss the days of laughter I miss our times of fun Don''t wanna lose those days when I would be your number one. Can''t imagine if you walk away from me Cause you''re the one that sets me free. Drowning Darkness and terror rising in my chest As I sink from the surface to the depths below I try to scream, but my lungs fill with salty cold water I can''t cough, I can''t scream, I can''t breatheIf you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. My lungs burn from no oxygen, no salty sea air I flail and thrash, but just continue to sink to the darkness below Light and air are out of reach While the cold drags me further down to my watery grave. If you compare light to happiness and oxygent to hope While the depths of the sea is the darkness of depression People don''t realize that I''ve been drowning right before their eyes for a very long time. An Old Friend A monster that lurks in the deep and sucks all the happiness away; That''s my friend. The days that make you hide in a corner and clutch your mouth so nobody can hear you sobbing;This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. That''s my friend. The one who pushes your friends away because it makes you think that your just a burden to them; That''s my friend. The dark reeking thing that holds you in its arms as you cut, cry, or kill yourself; That''s my friend. His name is Depression. Friend of a Friend Depression is a friend of mine that has been my pain and comfort for many years now. He''s been the friend who held me when no one else would. But he has a friend that likes to play that I don''t like very much. She makes me want to throw up every morning. She makes me scratch my wrists to shreds.This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. She turns places of comfort into hell holes. She makes me question all of my decisions and takes my lover, Sleep, away from me. She gives me the panic attacks. She makes me anxious just so she could laugh. She makes me anxious around the things I once loved and my friends in reality have to try and calm me, to take me away from her. And even though Depression may hold me, she will make Depression turn on me. Meet the unwanted friend of a friend, Anxiety. Hope Hope is such an interesting word. There are so many definitions and synonyms and yet, there''s nothing quite like it. Hope is the sun rising in the morning, bringing warmth and light and chasing away the darkness of night.Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. Hope is the feeling you get when you plant a seed and watch the seed sprout and grow into something beautiful and alive, never fearing death. Hope is the feeling you get at night when you wish that tomorrow will be a new day and a blank slate. Even though Depression may come, hope burns though my chest and helps me live another day, to see that things do get better. I''ve survived 10/10 bad days and plan on living through the rest of them. Jack and Jill/Love Yourself Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown While Jill came tumbling after.Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! Jack then died and left Jill to hide Her grief and all ther sorrow. Jill despaired and then prepared To join Jack on the morrow. With each step Jill cried and wept Unable to live longer. Jill then fell down and broke her crown And then joined Jack in the after. ----- Love yourself Especially if you''re dead Because there''s no reason to kill yourself Authors Note This isn''t a depressive poem, but please don''t skip the authors note! I have some things I want to clarify: I know I have depression and I don''t want to stay in this state. The reason why I''m making these poems is because I''ve kinda ranted way too much to my friends about my problems and so I don''t want to drive them away or make them my dumping ground of emotions. I realize that there have been comments talking about how to overcome my depression or how to identify my depression and my answer to that is: I''m trying. I am grateful for your concern and advice and I really hope something clicks, but yes I struggle with depression and yes I''m struggling to find a solution. Regardless, let me get to the main reason for this author''s note. Rantings of the Broken is a short story and I don''t want to cause anyone, who is unfortunate enough to come upon my rantings, depression. It has also been brought to my attention that since I do have depression, this may not be the best outlet for my depression. While that may be true, I need to rant in my own way somehow.Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. So comes the question: should I continue to write the poems? There is a poll that I would strongly suggest you answer and please answer honestly. I will check the results and make my final decision on October 17. Let me just say, I am more than happy to continue writing. It is an outlet where I can rant through poems to someone through a screen. Whether it''s a good outlet or not is yet to be determined, but you guys choose. Please vote on the poll and/or leave a comment below on what you think. Until October 17, I will continue to write when I feel impressed to, so you can expect a couple of poems before then. Thank you all and I hope y''all can make a decision for the broken. -brokenpaperairplane I Will Survive Days will be long and hard. There will be days where I just want to give up. Days will come where all I can do is sit down and cry, but that does not define me.If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. I can pick myself up and show the world that there''s no way in heck I''m giving up. I am strong and I am one who will survive. No matter what crap life throws at me, I will be able to rise up like a phoenix and burn the whole dang world. No one can tell me otherwise and even if I''m down, I will get back up again. I will survive. Who Am I? Life can throw some crap in our lives, make us question our identities, but you gotta remember who you are. So who am I? I am strong.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. I am loved. I am smart. I am kind. I am wanted. I am priceless. I can never be replaced. I am freaking amazing. I am alive. I may be broken, but I can be fixed. I may be hurt, but people will be there to comfort me. I may not want to live, but I haven''t let depression win. I am me and that''s enough. Little White Vase Once there was a day in a little Japanese house, there lived a little old Japanese woman. When she was younger, she had recieved this little white vase as a gift from a dear friend and she loved that vase. She put it up on the shelf and admired how pretty the little white vase was every time she glanced its way. One day, this woman accidentally bumped against the shelf and the vase tumbled and shattered against the ground. She was heartbroken. The little woman was so sad that her beautiful white vase was broken, never to be the same again. The woman took this little white pieces to an older gentleman who specialized in repairs. Teary eyed, the woman asked if the man could fix the little vase and restore it to it''s former beauty. The gentleman nodded and said that he would try to fix the vase, despite the cracks from the fall. The woman waited many days and nights for her vase to be fixed when one day a soft knock was heard against the front door. She answered to find the gentleman with a smile and a paper package in his arm. The woman gasped in delight and when handed the package opened it to find what lay inside. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. What was inside was her little white vase, all put together, but with golden seams holding everything together. The woman gasped as she saw that while the vase was beautiful before, it was much more exquisite there in that paper package. She turned to the man and asked how he had been able to fix her vase and make it look more beautiful then when she first received it. He smiled and warmly answered, "Sometimes, what you think are faults, others view them as the ways you are beautiful." The woman learned a lesson that day and many years from then, the little old woman still looked fondly upon the white vase and admired the the cracks that were filled with gold. Sometimes we may think that we are broken and are shattered in pieces, unable to get up; but sometimes we have to fall in order to show the beauties of the gold underneath. Love and Hurt I have a complicated relationship with some of my friends and family. I want to laugh and spend time with my friends, but in the back of my mind, depression whispers that I''m a burden and that I''m selfish when I talk to them asking for help. I''m worried that there will be a day when my friends say that enough is enough and I drive them away. So I close myself off. Every conversation runs through my head, every text is doubted, just seeing them makes me wonder if they''d be happier with someone else, without me in their life.Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. People think I''m closing myself off and need some space, but the reality is that I want to have those days of laughter, the car rides to and from football games, the late nights, the times where I can text about anything and they''ll always be there. I close myself off because I don''t want to make them sick of me, think of me as someone who just dumps all their crap on them all the time. It doesn''t make sense and Logic knows this, but Depression feeds me lies and makes me close myself off, build the walls, close the shell. I want to change, to get my friends back, but I don''t know how. I don''t know if I can. Okay For Now There are days where I feel down, feel the whole world''s weight upon me and I feel like I struggle to stay and survive. The rains of life pour down on me, I feel like I drown in the troubles of my life, feel the puddles becoming lakes before my eyes. But I look back up and watch the rain fall remembering that a little rain can''t hurt me and that I am strong enough to thrive. Because I''m okay for now, I can enjoy the rain. Sometimes the storms bring a little bit pain, but they disappear, and the sun comes back again. And I can stand up and live my life because some rain, will make my spirit thrive, and let my life begin. There are times I feel like drowning, the rain is falling down too fast making my life seem too hard to get through. The currents and the wind try to blow me down, and I feel like I''m gonna drown, but something in my heart rings true. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. A trickle can make a path in stone, through time and diligence, I just need a little hope to thrive. Because I''m okay for now, I can enjoy the rain. Sometimes the storms bring a little bit pain, but they disappear, and the sun comes back again. And I can stand up and live my life because some rain, will make my spirit thrive, and let my life begin. Though times are rough and road is hard, I am stronger and I will always brave the storms. I can fly above the clouds and the storms, I can be free above my world pain. I can thrive and reach the stars, but even if I fall, I will always remember, that I can get back up again. Because I''m okay for now, I can enjoy the rain. Sometimes the storms bring a little bit pain, but they disappear, and the sun comes back again. And I can stand up and live my life because some rain, will make my spirit thrive, and let my life begin. Push Them Away I want help and attention from friends and family, wanting their love, care and sympathy, but as an effort to help them I push them away. I want to be with all my friends, up all night chatting away, be in their arms in a warm embrace, but I think I''m annoying so I push them away. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! No matter what they say and no matter what they do, I will always think it''s better if I''m away from them. I always want their love and affection, want them to take my cares away, but I always seem to convince myself that I''m a piece of garbage anyway. I don''t wanna be by myself, I don''t want to go through life alone, but I can never stay and convince myself that I''m needed. I try to help and I want help, but in the end I just push them all away. Eyes of a Friend When I go to dark places and feel like I can''t hold on anymore, I want to confide in someone, for them to pull me out of myself. I vent and I try to have a friend pull me out, to make me feel better. I''m still here, so eventually I felt better and I''m thankful for their help and go along my merry way. What I never stopped to consider was what my friend sees, what they experience. Let''s call him John. Out of the blue John gets a text. He looks closer and sees the notification that his friend texted, telling him goodbye, that they''re giving up on life. His eyes widen and he panics, desperately trying to convince his friend that they''re worth it and that there''s no way they can give up, that they have to stay alive. The conversation spirals out of control; John is running out of ideas and his friend is running out of their will to live. He does the next thing he can think of and calls his friend. They answer and start to cry. John tries to console them, tries to make them feel okay, despite the fact that he''s struggling too. His friend tries to speak, tears lacing the edge of their voice, and John pleads for them to stay on the phone, that he''s coming over right now. Forgetting all his plans and trying to ignore his rising anxiety as he tries to console his friend, to keep them alive. He drives as fast as he can and desperately scans the houses until he sees his friend sitting alone on the doorstep. He slams the gears into park, gets out and says "let''s go for a walk." If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. His friend walks and tries to explain their feelings, hopelessly speaking and staring at the ground. John tries to stand tall and gives his friend a listening ear, trying to bring their friend back to a safe state of mind. His friend vents and tries not to cry, only caring about themselves, not even thinking about how John must feel with the responsibility of keeping their friend from death. Eventually after much discussion and steps, the walk reached it''s end and their friend seemed to be feeling better, despite the fact that John is exhausted from trying to save their friend. After making sure that his friend makes it inside the house, John walks back to his car and drives back home. For the rest of the night, he flinches every time the text notification soinds, looking desperately to make sure that the friend didn''t decide a time, day, and way to commit suicide. That night, John struggles to sleep, terrified that everything he tried to do wasn''t enough to save his friend. Since seeing through his eyes, I feel horrible. Guilt claws at my heart and stomach, horrified at how I made him feel. Friends should not become dumping grounds and I dumped a whole lotta crap on his life. It wasn''t fair for me to put this all on him, to have him responsible to figure it out. Everyone has their own problems and I only thought of myself. If I keep dumping my thoughts on my friends, someday I just might be the cause of their suicide. For The Best Guilt. He rises from the sea of despair and with black dripping fingers grabs my arm and pulls me into the bubbling lake. Terrified I try to run, but his grip is too hard, my fight long gone. My head sinks under the black liquid, covering my eyes and filling me with doubts and feelings of horror. I writhe in pain as Guilt pushes my head so I can''t breathe, so I can''t think. My will dies and I come up with the vision of what I have done, how many I have hurt, how long I have left my friends suffering. Instead of my captor, Guilt becomes my teacher, showing me how I went wrong and how I can make it right. The road hurts and I may fall and cry and feel every negative emotion possible, but I must save my friends. I form walls from my friends, realizing that I am hurting them and the way to change that is to save them from me, not let myself talk to them anymore. Call me selfish, call me a jerk, call me every single name you can think of, but my friends will live and I will learn to survive by myself. This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. It''s for their good. It''s for the best. Three Days Three days I woke up fine, Three days I really wanted to die, Three days I almost didn''t stay alive, Three days I got up and survived. Three days I woke up feeling alone, Three days I wanted to be done, If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. If you weren''t there, one of those three days I would''ve been gone. Three days I lived a lie, Three days I knelt down and cried, Three days I was ready to say goodbye. Forever more I know I am strong, Forever more I know I can carry on, Forever more I can live to dream on. Author Note So in case if y''all didn''t know, I''m going to continue to write the rants (yay)! Thank you to the two people who voted in my last poll because you guys are the ones who made sure that my rants will still be a thing. So if you are one of these two people, give yourself a pat on the back. I also want to thank everyone who has commented, sent me a pm, or just read my rants. It''s because of you that the Rantings of the Broken is still alive, so thank you for that. Thanks for letting me rant and ramble about whatever the heck I feel like, it does help and (again) I''m very grateful for your guy''s comments and advice.Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. On a different note, I don''t want to keep rambling on and on about the same things and I wouldn''t mind talking about stuff you guys suggest. I created a discord channel (check out this link to access it: https://discord.gg/Y5SGxP ) so you guys can talk to me more and maybe give me more advice and whatnot on there. If you would like me to talk about a certain subject (my pov might depend on my mood, so maybe include that as well) please send me a pm, comment, or send a message over discord. You all are amazing and thank you for everything! We''ll see where the rantings of the broken take us next! United Days may be rough and I feel all alone. Like I''m unloved, unnoticed, and unwanted. Depression feeds me lies and tells me to commit suicide, to end it all. I struggle and I fall down and I want to quit. But there are others. There are others like me; struggling, surviving, and learning how to thrive. We are strong, we have not given up yet, and we can help eachother against the looming darkness. We are warriors and someday, we will realize that the sun will come back, we will feel hope, and we will find out place. We are loved and are ready to fight to stay here, because after darkness comes the day. This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it We will thrive and we will fly. Nature I''ve forgotten how beautiful the world can be. The bright lush forests with trees that reach the sky and where the birds sing. The waves of the ocean that glimmer from the sun''s rays and tickle my toes as I smell the salty sea air. The landscape of mountains, trees, and the rest of the world beneath me as I climb mountain trails to see the sun rise. The gentle bubble of a creek as I close my eyes and feel the breeze. Nature makes me feel at peace. It''s where Depression takes a step back and I am wrapped in the warm embrace of Mother Nature. It''s where I can close my eyes and appreciate the silence, not fear it. Nature is my home that calls to me and helps me to be myself, without judgement, pain, or the cares of the world. I can be free to breathe and live. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. We often let ourselves get too busy to take a break, to really see the world. We need to appreciate the sunrise, stop to smell the flowers, and take a breath of life. You only live once, so make sure you find peace in life along the way. Sometimes I need to step away from the world and enjoy the feeling of me and nature, just me and peace. Breathe Breathe in Breathe out You are worth it. Breathe in Breathe out Someone thinks about you every day. Breathe in Breathe out You are a miracle. Breathe in Breathe out You are strong. Breathe in Breathe out You are a blessing. Breathe in Breathe out The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. You are loved. Breathe in Breathe out You mean the world to someone. Breathe in Breathe out You are not alone. Breathe in Breathe out These feelings will pass and you will feel peace. Breathe in Breathe out You have overcomed 10 out of 10 bad days, you''re strong enough to overcome this one Breathe in Breathe out You are breathing and that''s enough. Crash I sit in the lobby anxiously waiting. My hands shoved inside my pocket anxioulsy scratching each other as an effort to calm me down. Many people walk by: old, young, male, female, mother, father, sister, brother or friend. Each have places to go, places to see. Luckily nobody has a chance to see me. My flight is called and I slowly stand up, walking ever so slowly, clutching my bag ever so tightly. I walk along the ever closing hall, the walls caving in, nowhere to go, nowhere to breathe. I sit and try to relax. I''ve flown before, just never alone. My nails scratch anxiously against my skin, rubbing it raw and making it sting. I take deep breaths, trying to think logistically. We''ll be fine. The flight will go as planned.This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Voices spin and the engines whir as I think of countless endings to my life. I could crash. I could drown. I could suffocate. An engine could catch fire. I may want to die, but I don''t want to take a plane down with me. My hands are red and wet as I try to count my breaths. If my feet stay off the floor, it feels like they''re dangling, dangling above the sky until I slip from my seat and plummet screaming in terror to the ground. I place my feet on the floor of the plane. I won''t fall. I won''t die. I''ll be fine. Bile rises to my throat as we soar upwards, the plane rattling, threatening to fall apart, malfunction, start spiraling down to the ground until we explode in a wave of flames. But I''m fine. The plane steadies and my nails start to slow. We didn''t crash, we didn''t burn and we didn''t die. It was a normal flight and we were fine. It was just anxiety. Anxiety won''t make me die. I may be scared and unsure of what to think, but I''m fine. I need to let anxiety go and learn to fly. Question and Answer I want to take a little time for you guys to ask some questions and I''ll answer as honestly as I can. No crap about like what my social security number (if you want to know it is 11 ??) because I will not answer those questions. Any questions or advice is needed and wanted! I am always grateful for your guy''s advice and care about my wellbeing, y''all are amazing. Even if I''m a moody broken bean, I really appreciate even you guys just commenting on my rantings. I am going through a hard time (if you guys didn''t know that, then I am like shocked and wonder if you think I''m referencing my Aunt Sheniqua) and I just want to say that you guys do make my day better. Ranting does help me see my thoughts and help me think through them, so I''m grateful for those of you who voted for me to continue my rantings.Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. Again, I''ll answer the questions as best I can and I''ll post my responses in another chapter. Now I Understand Now I understand why people are so terrified about the prospect of me killing myself. I now understand having your parents look frustrated and upset, asking what''s wrong and having them sit you down on the couch. I now understand anxiously wondering what they were going to say, anxiety clawing up my chest, having thousands of scenarios running through my head as to why I was sitting there. I now understand having been told the news, that someone I knew, someone I''ve known for years now has committed suicide, has decided that life wasn''t worth it.Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. I now understand the tears that stream down your face as you try and figure out what happened, how it got so far so fast, if there would''ve been anything you could do to help. I now understand the terror and feelings of depression that come from someone committing suicide. That they are never going to come back. I now understand what a suicide can do to a family, how it can break them slowly and cause it''s members to wonder if it was their fault. I now understand walking around the halls in a shell, people asking if you''re okay and responding with "I''m just tired". I now understand staring blankly at a wall, trying to comprehend that they''re gone. That someone who was part of your life is gone, and they''re never going to come back. I now understand that I can never commit suicide. I can never be so selfish as to cause my family so much pain. Now I just have to remind myself that when depression strikes home. Taking a Break It''s been a while. To be honest it feels nice writing out my thoughts, talking to y''all again. But there''s something I realized: I''m just ranting to a screen. Yes you may be reading the rants and relating to how I feel, but really, I''m just ranting to the great void of the internet. I gotta take some time to myself, live in reality a little bit. I''m sorry for not being able to rant for so long or giving you any warning, but I gotta take a break, take some time for myself. I don''t know when I''ll rant next, but I have to live in the now and not be attached to a screen. My apologies, but I gotta do what''s best for me.The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Update Oh my goodness you guys it has been so long! I am going to be completely honest, depression hits sometimes but never really as hard and never really as long, the temptation of suicide is gone, and I am able to appreciate friends and find the balance of having support without making them a dumping ground. I really am doing a lot better and I''ve figured some things out in my life. I guess I was bored today and wanted to reread my rants and oh my goodness, that was a roller coaster of emotions. I was not in a really good place and I just wanted to give you guys an update that I am doing okay! I am on the right medication and am currently seeing a therapist who helps me out a lot. I am doing a lot better than (from what I''ve read and experienced) what I was feeling back then. I know the COVID19 virus has hit hard and fast and it''s kind of thrown life for a loop. Schools have been made online, social distancing has been implemented, heck, I just helped host a wedding in my backyard on Friday. Even though it has been pretty hard, I will say that honestly, it''s kinda helped my mental health. As you all are very much aware, I have/had a really low self esteem and I didn''t like my self, like, at all. When talking to my therapist about this, she said that even though it may suck and be hard, this is the time where I have to face myself and where I can figure myself out. That has helped me so much. I have made a lot of progress and honestly, I feel a lot happier. I am doing a lot better and I have taken the drivers seat with Depression sitting in the back.This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. Back to me reading my rants again, I just want to say thank you for everyone who''s commented and tried to help me out. As I''ve looked back, I realize that I''ve used a lot of your guy''s advice to get to where I am now, even if I didn''t realize it at first. You guys are so amazing and I can''t even begin to say thank you for your willingness to help a struggling girl and show a path to bring her back to safety. I really appreciate it and I have faith in humanity that people really do care and want to help others who are struggling. Thank you so much. This will be my last entry/chapter of the rantings of the broken. I may be struggling, but I don''t feel so broken anymore. After reading everything, I just wanted to let the people who have been following these rants know that I am okay and have been living life. I hope everyone is doing okay with life despite its challenges and this closes the Ranting of the Broken.