《Tale of Painpin and Inid》


 Chapter 1

    Chapter 1


    Inid had been fighting his way through hordes of enemies for a month now. The relentless torrent of angels and demons sent to kill him, both heaven and hell wanted him dead, for he was above both of their authorities. He was close to ascension.


    Finally, he reached the end of the dungeon, opening the gate revealed a glistening hall, the walls melded with an open night skin, turquoise nebulas and flying galaxies covered the massive roof of the chamber. Perhaps it wasn¡¯t a room at all and was simply a spectator seat to the universe.


    At the centre of the main walkway sat a gigantic throne, upon sat a towering figure larger than the galaxies. He was adorned in robes made of flowing stars and a skin that glowed radiantly.


    As Inid approached the throne the figure thundered.


    ¡°I AM THE GOD KING LORD OF THIS UNIVERSE!¡±


    The sheer force of his voice blew Inid back.


    ¡°WHY ARE YOU HERE MORTAL¡± the figure continued, not bothering to lower his voice.


    ¡°I¡¯m just here for business¡± Inid replied calmly and cooly.


    The figure pondered his response for a second, even a powerful being like him had to consider what had happened. But he looked at the mortal before him, such power emanated from the man, power rivalling that of even a god such as himself.


    ¡°A weakling like you is not worthy of my presence¡± The figure shouted trying to hide his fear of Inid.


    Inid replied immediately ¡°Heh, I don¡¯t think you know who you¡¯re talking to¡±


    He materialised a black ironclad leather trench coat along with two Gatling gun nodachi. Equipping them in one swift motion. Reloading the guns so quickly even the ¡®god¡¯ couldn¡¯t keep up.Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    A hurricane of bullets followed, although there were only 30 bullets in a magazine Inid could reload so quickly it was continuously firing without stopping.


    ¡°IMPOSSIBLE¡± the figure cried out, ¡°THIS IS MY REALM!, YOU DARE!¡±


    ¡°Nothing personal, man¡± Inid muttered as he unsheathed his dual weapons and teleported behind the so-called god.


    ¡°How?¡± the figure asked as he began to disintegrate.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t understand what I''ve been through¡± Inid sighed as he sheathed his dual Gatling gun nodachi.


    The figure then shattered into a billion pieces with Inid absorbing his essence. He wasn¡¯t even fazed, a god was nothing before him.


    ***


    Inid returned to his universe, where the goddess, Nesh greeted him. She had long black hair and a gentle, beautiful face, definitely Inid¡¯s type. Although she was the goddess, Inid had treated her as his queen, completing quests and serving her diligently. He had never made any advances because a true knight fought and protected from the shadows if they knew what was good for them (which they did) he would be the one asked out.


    ¡°Did you achieve the quest without any difficulty?¡± Nesh asked, already knowing the answer.


    ¡°Of course my queen¡±


    She blushed ¡°Oh you, don¡¯t call me that!¡±


    Inid simply smiled, he was glad to see her happy.


    The goddess¡¯s expression soon returned to one of seriousness,


    ¡°Inid I hate to ask this of you so soon after your travels but urgent business requires your attention,¡± she said


    ¡°It is always a privilege to serve¡± Inid replied


    She silently handed him a scroll, which he gladly accepted. Nesh wished him luck on his adventure, this would be his most gruelling one to date.


    ***


    Inid sat at the local bar, reading over the quest scroll. It was a lot heftier and contained much more than any regular one; this might give him the excitement of battle he so craved.


    Suddenly a rough voice called out to him mockingly


    ¡°Hey, is that Inid Nenajimoguhameko¡± the voice shouted drunkenly.


    Inid sighed, this is why he didn¡¯t drink.


    The man was flanked by friends. They all looked the same, all muscular and good looking but seemingly without any brains, typical rabble at a bar.


    ¡°My name¡¯s Painpin¡± the drunkard shouted again this time metres from Inid¡¯s face spitting into it.


    ¡°I heard you¡¯re the toughest son of a bitch around here. Time to show the town it¡¯s new boss boys.¡± the man continued.


    As he and his posse gathered around Innid he drew his nodachi Gatling guns and mowed all of them down except Painpin.


    Painpin immediately fell to his knees, ¡°I¡¯m sorry Mr.Nenajimoguhameko!¡± he begged on the verge of crying.


    ¡°Heh, you idiots are all the same¡± Inid sneered, he had predicted their every move and reaction.


    ¡°Please teach me your ways,¡± Painpin asked.


    ¡°I¡¯ve studied the blade for years, you can¡¯t even begin to understand what I¡¯ve been through¡±


    ¡°If I could only have one ounce of your wisdom I would do anything! PLEASE!¡± Painpin begged, grovelling now.


    Inid wondered, perhaps even a simpleton as Painpin could change, and he had always wanted an apprentice.


    ¡°I have a quest coming up, how about you prove yourself¡± Inid smiled inside, sometimes he was just too nice.


    With a fresh companion and plenty of power, Inid and Painpin set off on an adventure of a lifetime.

 Chapter 2

    Chapter 2


    Painpin and Inid set off from Izagorudanshawa village, following the womicutmidik road which leads into the Kodomofuremasu forest. The pair were making good ground but an unsettling feeling began to gnaw at Painpin. He had faith in Inid to protect him, of course, no man or god could stand against him, but the uneasiness remained.


    His suspicion was proven when a gang of a couple of thousand bandits rushed down from the hillside.


    Their leader was a short man with rainbow hair and pale skin, his face covered in multiple tattoos, the most noticeable one being of a minotaur penis which stretched from his forehead down to his neck.


    ¡°Kill them all!¡± The bandit lord screamed


    Inid jumped into action blasting the horde with his Gatling nodachi before cleaving off all the bandit¡¯s heads immediately.


    ¡°Pathetic¡± he scoffed, but something was off-putting. The bandit lord had managed to evade his blow. That was impossible.


    The lord cackled as he approached Inid, pulling out a modified Glock 17 with three barrels and a drum magazine. Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.


    ¡°YOU¡¯RE ONE OF US!¡± He roared, opening fire letting loose a blistering hail of bullets, each one exploding into a giant snake demon.


    The swarm of bullets and snake demons began to engulf Inid, this was no ordinary foe. As his nodachi began to run out of bullets he started to panic, this was not anything he had faced before. No amount of cutting seemed to thin the waves of snake demons and the explosive rounds had begun to hit him, wounding him slightly.


    ¡°Stop!¡± the bandit lord commanded forcing the snake demons to pull back.


    The lord produced a football, immediately Inid figured out who he was, it was Chad O''Malley the school jock and bully. Behind him, four other bandit lords approached, Brad Chadson, Tyrese Largelog, Brock Stormwood and Apollo Donnerhahn.


    ¡°The four Chad¡¯s of the apocalypse!¡± Inind screamed, he had not expected to meet them here. What cruel god would ruin his isekai by bringing these savages into the realm?


    As they advanced to take down Inid a sudden bolt of energy arced out hitting the ground near Chad¡¯s.


    Inid looked up to see a loli vampire flying above, her spell had landed and began sucking the chads in.


    ¡°Implosion!¡± She shouted, as the spell pulled all five chads into it forcing them to retreat.


    ***


    ¡°Who are you?¡± Inid asked as he fixed the leather on his trench coat.


    ¡°My name is Rinbu,¡± the Loli replied, ¡°You were so cewl down there uwu, and I had to help uwu.¡±


    Her eyes looked like they glazed over in a trance.


    ¡°My gratitude milady,¡± Inid answered,


    ¡°Youwu don¡¯t have to thank me BAKA!¡±,


    Eventually, Painpin stepped out of the rock he was cowering behind and pointed into the distance. The fourth chad of the apocalypse Apollo ¡®fuccboy¡¯¡¯ Donnerhahn had returned, this time ready for a fight.

 Chapter 3

    Chapter 3


    Apollo approached, brandishing a golden hockey stick sharpened to an edge rivalling that of his jawline. He swung it once unleashing a gust of trap music which with a harrowing SKEEEEEEET smashed into Painpin blowing off his right arm. Inid launched himself up into the air engaging Apollo in a close combat fight.


    Although he was ripped Apollo was no match for Inid''s Cyber style Jeet Kune Do which he studied online on Skillshare. As Apollo took a heavy right knee to the groin he flew away, summoning a hundred thousand apparitions, this was the legendary army of ex-girlfriends he had acquired after years of poor commitment.


    Inid knew of the ex-girlfriend army well, he never would have treated them poorly.


    ¡°STACY! Sic ''em!¡± Apollo shouted, launching the horde at Inid.


    Inid could never hurt a woman and was forced to play the fight defensively, soon he was overwhelmed unable to do anything. He could see the light, was this the end?


    ***


    The corridor was empty, the class had begun but Inid sat there unable to move. Where was he? He remembered now, school, what a wretched place. The walls smelt old and the sound of chatter was nauseating. Inid looked down and touched his belly, he was fat again, touching his face the acne had returned.This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    Was that adventure a dream? Or had he finally met his end?, This was worse than any hell he concluded, slumped against the wall, his dream world had been shattered.


    Loud running could be heard from down the corridor, a pretty blonde girl was headed towards Inid. The same one that was summoned by Apollo.


    He called out to her but she seemed not to acknowledge his presence. He could help her, he had the power now. This must be Apollo¡¯s doing, he grabbed her arm but she pushed him back, he lay sprawled out on the ground unable to move, paralysed. She screamed at him, words incoherent, the sound was a blur, he wanted to cry, he wanted to run.


    The classrooms burst open, kids pouring out all staring all pointing, the laughing and snickering echoed through Inid''s skull, it was deafening. Stacy was crying in Apollo¡¯s arms but he could see her shit-eating grin, sadness and shame turned to anger, anger to vengeance, vengeance into sheer determination.


    They were all the same.


    They were all the fucking same.


    They would all fucking pay.


    ***


    Stacy ran at Inid again this time swinging her sharpened claws at him but it was blocked. Inid felt different like something had snapped. No swords, no guns. He clenched his fist and started swinging viciously like a rabid animal. The apparitions attacked but one by one they fell, haymaker after haymaker Inid clubbed them down, smashing the girls into a fine pulp.


    Apollo was spectating the fight from afar, rather horrified at the sight. He knew the girls weren¡¯t real but the slaughter was enough to get a reaction out of anyone.


    He decided to fly down and talk to Inid,


    ¡°Look, man, we were just messing-¡± a fist smashed into Apollo¡¯s face.


    ¡°Are you fucking serious, I¡¯m going-¡± boot to the face


    ¡°Wa-¡± stomp to the head


    ¡°Ple-¡± another one


    Inid could still hear the rasping breathing of Apollo, his lungs attempting to draw air in through a crushed windpipe. A gurgling sound echoed through the hillside as blood flooded his lungs, drowning the chad from the inside.


    Painpin and Rinbu looked from afar scared of the half-dead body, but Inid couldn¡¯t hide his uncontrollable smile. He was sure of it now, he was the chosen, he was the hero.

 Chapter 4

    Inid, Rinbu and a one-armed Painpin proceeded onwards to the town of Korith located up north past the forest. Other than minor skirmishes with the local fauna they arrived relatively unscathed. The town was large, on the verge of being a city. An ominous sign hung from the gates in the local language.


    T?fjir¡¯hd?a¡¯alzunji¡¯e?laa?al''a??d


    The reason for the sign was plain to see, a large group of bandits were attacking the town, it must be the work of the chads. Inid knew what he had to do, he had to liberate the town.


    Inid immediately sprung into action cleaving into the horde. Rinbu stood in awe, she was entranced by Inid¡¯s incredible power, it made her weak in the knees. Inid had tried to join the melee but Inid was just too damn quick.


    Rinbu being a vampire managed to fly over to help Inid but before she could cast implosion, a stray piercing incendiary tracer 50. Cal hit her in the face blowing it clean off. Inid watched in horror as his companion flopped to the ground, but her vampire physiology allowed her to remain alive.


    Inid now consumed by rage charged recklessly into the horde, however suddenly the bandit leader steps forward, he looks familiar.


    ¡°My name is Lance Galecock, I am vice-captain to Apollo Donnerhahn, I am here for revenge.¡± He shouted.


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    Inid tried to fall back but Lance had managed to produce a football, lobbing it at light speed. As the football approached, the ghost of several football players appeared charging along with the ball forming a huge stampede. Inid cut the ball in half but the ghosts ran him down injuring him.


    Painpin realised that Inid was in danger, he had to do something. Painpin felt the power inside, welling up, days of training had been useful after all. A final surge of power took Painpin to a different dimension before he stood Nesh the goddess.


    ¡°You may choose from one of these 16 million powers,¡± She said to Painpin.


    ¡°Fuck you bitch, I don''t have time¡± Painpin replied.


    He proceeded to tap all the powers and slapped Nesh away whenever she tried to stop him. Eventually, after tapping on 11 million of the powers Nesh had had enough and teleported Painpin back.


    He immediately rushed to aid Inid, not noticing his robot demon god killer arm that had replaced the one he lost. His right arm was now immensely powerful, he threw a haymaker blowing the ghosts and bandits into orbit leaving only Lance.


    But Lance was too powerful, in Apollo¡¯s final moments he had given Lance all of his Chadness. Lance was said to be Apollo¡¯s equal but now he had reached even greater heights. This time Lance forewent the football instead producing a ping pong ball, in life he was the reigning solar system champion of beer pong.


    A giant solo cup rose from the ground trapping Inid and Painpin, as Lance leapt into the air and threw the ball so fast that as it travelled it broke atoms in half creating a chain nuclear explosion. Even more, the force of the blast was funnelled into the solo cup enough to create several new elements.


    Painpin wracked his brains to find any power from his catalogue of 11 million which he had stolen from Nesh. Papin conjured a 1999 MacBook from his arm and proceeded to hack the fabric of space-time at light speed, and alt-f4¡¯ed Lance. Milliseconds from hitting Inid and Painpin the ping pong disappeared along with the solo cup, saving the two. Lance was no more, gone, unwritten from the universe.


    ¡°Heh, not bad kiddo,¡± Inid said


    Before the group could fully recover an angelic figure descended from the city walls, she was dressed in revealing robes and had large breasts, blonde hair and a goddess-like face completed her look.


    ¡°I am the archangel queen of this town, my name is Zareep, how can I repay you?¡±