《The girl who was dead inside》


 The Beginning

    <u>Chapter 1</u>


    It was a dark, lonely, stormy day and the first day of winter break. The wind howling with a swirling storm inside. The river turned into solid ice, trees white instead of green. Children filled with joy and glee about the festive holiday season jumping in joy as their Christmas was going to be a white christmas. Little ones running around decorating their houses, putting up stockings making their Christmas wish list, excitedly waiting for Santa to come by and to drop off their presents. All looking forward to the ice skating, snowball fights and making of snow angels with their loved ones. All just forgetting the reality and just living in the happy moment and the dark cloud of emotions and worries just disappear.


    Malls crowded with people who are filled with happiness and excitement, eagerly looking for the perfect gifts for their loved ones and those dear to their hearts. Lines and lines with little ones with their parents waiting for their turn to see Santa and ask for whatever gift they want from their wish list written in crayons and cute writing in bright colors, trying to convince Santa they aren¡¯t on the naughty list and have been good throughout the year. Adults in line for wrapping gifts to fill the beneath of their Christmas tree so on the bright happy Christmas morning the family can come around together to open the gifts they have been blessed with. All my friends posting family moments and how they are happy to be with their families that somehow seem to be perfect together, yet we all know no family is perfect.This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.


    Everyone may be having a festive holiday which seems to be perfect with the warmth of love and laughter and smiles yet I still have to fight my demons who never give me a break and just be okay for once in forever. Yet I have to be trapped under this huge dark cloud just raining and triggering my depression and anxiety. Just there to cloud my judgement and path to happiness disabling me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My mind giving thoughts like just to commit suicide and end it but my heart telling me to know there is light at the end of the tunnel and it¡¯s just a phase and mom will be sad at my rational decision. I may have my mother Katy and my brother Lucas as my family and my friends and also have a very loving boyfriend Josh who has always been by my side and who tries convincing me that the world is not perfect but it¡¯s not that bad if we have each other.


    All the convincing worked to some point but all I could think of on days is, how long? How long can I keep fighting? How long can I go on? How much longer can I cry myself to sleep? How much longer do I have to lie that I am fine yet I¡¯m not? How long till that lie of I am okay becomes a reality? How long will the cloud take to fade so I can stop doubting myself? Some days I do not know what I did to deserve the life I have. It¡¯s suppose to be the most festive time of the year, the birth of the saviour, everyone¡¯s home to celebrate and share the warmth of love and start a new beginning of another chapter of our lives and a whole new year, us entering it without knowing what it has planned for us, the pain, the heartache, the joy, the moments we want to keep frozen forever no one knows what we are walking in to. All just looking forward to the next year and it¡¯s moments.

 The Life Changing Suprise

    <u>Chapter 2</u>


    While everyone is planning new year resolutions and how they are going to spend the festive season with their loved ones while I am questioning who mine are. On the night of Christmas Eve my little brother and I went to bed hoping mom will be here in the morning to spend Christmas with us instead of working, just like every year, maybe, just maybe this year will be different and mom will be there. We both went to bed wishing this year would be better than last.


    The next morning we woke up with joy and excitement and the little hope we had of our mom being home. To our surprise she was waiting for us at the dining table but she was not the only one. After 9 fine good long years, our father is back, trying to act like he has been there and never left. I only recognized him as he left when I was 9 years old but Lucas didn¡¯t know who he was because he left when my brother was only a toddler just learning how to walk. When I saw my long lost father, I felt the blood rush through my veins and a wave of negative energy flow through my body. My little brother was taken to his room by my mother because he was as lost as a single cloud in the sky.  While my mother and brother were in the room, I was left alone at the dining table with my father, whom I hated from the bottom of my bleeding, aching and lonely heart.


    That very moment, I felt that yes he may have left us all alone with nothing but it was Christmas and I was kind of feeling the festive mood. I sat down still feeling the blood rush.


    In the middle of my sobs the only questions I asked were ¡°Dad was I that bad of a child that you left us, left me? Was I unworthy of a father? Was I not good enough for you, for you to accept me as a daughter?¡±


    All this man that I supposedly called my father said ¡°No it was me. I couldn¡¯t protect you on a stormy day. I couldn¡¯t provide for you on any day. I wasn¡¯t good enough on a sunny day for you either. When I knew I wasn¡¯t good enough so I stopped showing up, then, I didn¡¯t show up enough times, and it began to feel like leaving, until I did leave. I just wasn¡¯t ready for you or your mother or Lucas. I am sorry for what I did and I¡¯m happy about who you are now and that you are okay.¡±Stolen novel; please report.


    ¡°Thank you for telling your side of the story but your job was to stay and I don¡¯t think I can ever forgive you for what you did. You are the reason  I can¡¯t love  or trust any one to be part of my life. You are the reason for my anxiety and  depression as I don¡¯t want any more pain of someone leaving because I will never stop hurting. I will not cry or scream at you because I can¡¯t do that and if I cried every time somebody left I would never stop crying. I am sorry but I cannot forgive, I just can¡¯t¡± was the only thing I had left to say before storming out of the room before I broke down more than I already had.


    The only thing I could possibly think of doing is running away from the drama at home. The only place I could run to was to Josh¡¯s place somewhere where I would be treated like family at this time of the year. As soon as I reached his place and rang the doorbell he immediately opened the door and I jumped right into his arms and hugged him sobbing as he held me tight in his arms and for the first time in a long time I felt so much love and warmth and I just wished it would stay like that forever. We eventually went in and I met everyone and they all welcomed me with open arms and after long I felt welcomed and had a sense of family happiness, an amazing complete family.


    I stayed at Josh¡¯s place for the day and spent time with him and his family and it was a moment that I wanted to stay in forever but unfortunately everything beautiful has it¡¯s moment and then it passes. The only thing we could do is cherish them and store them as memories. When I returned back home I found my mother in tears and Lucas just trying to figure out something to help her. I then asked my brother to leave so that I could have a conversation with my mother alone. I then asked her ¡°Mom what happened? Why are you crying?¡±


    She replied ¡°your father has a new family. He stayed for them but he didn¡¯t stay for us. He¡¯s got a job and a whole different life but he didn¡¯t come back for us. I wasn¡¯t enough to keep him as your and Lucas¡¯ father.¡± At that very moment I felt that I needed to confront him, because if I don¡¯t it will eat me up more than it had. I told myself I can not let my mom and I live in this pain. We deserve happiness. We deserve to move on and be at peace with our past. I spent the rest of the day with my mother and brother comforting them after what had happened trying to get their mind of it by watching christmas movies and playing games to get them some happiness after the nerve wrecking, emotional rollercoaster of a day

 The Lesson of Life

    <u>Chapter 3</u>


    The next day I set out to my father¡¯s place just to find him laughing and smiling and playing with the little innocent children of his and his new wife. Seeing them made me realize that if someone can leave and move on, not looking back, why can¡¯t my mother, Lucas and I do the same. I wanted to turn back and go home but I gathered all the bits and pieces of courage I had left and rung the doorbell. Only to find that his new wife Bella opened and asked ¡°Hello Miss, how can I help you?¡± All I could respond was ¡°I¡¯m here to ¡®see my father Mr. Cory Hunter.¡± She let me in clueless not knowing what I was saying.


    I went straight ahead to where my father was and I requested to talk to him alone. He looked very surprised yet happy to see me. I told him ¡°That our last visit was me listening to what you had to say to defend why you left and this time I want you to listen. You will stay out of my mother¡¯s life, Lucas¡¯ and mine. I forgive you, but don¡¯t think just because I have, you can come in my life and act all fatherly to me and Lucas. Mom has been both a father and a mother to both of us and we don¡¯t need you. My family needs to move on from the pain you have caused my mother. I am forgiving you, so that I can come to peace with myself and my feelings.¡± Those were the last things I ever said to my father.


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    Right after that I went back home feeling so much relief, like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest. This time I entered home with a smile for the first time in a long time. As soon as I entered I found Josh on the couch playing a video game with my brother and I was surprised but filled with more joy when I saw him. He had noticed that I was just looking in his direction smiling from ear to ear and he dashed to me at the speed of lightning and picked me up while hugging me. I was shook from the greeting I got. At that moment I assumed that my mother had filled him in on my whereabouts and what I had gone to do.


    Before I could say anything or ask what¡¯s happening he immediately handed me a teddy bear and asked me to pull the string that was attached to the back of the bear. When I did the teddy bear recited ¡°I love you Maya¡± and when I turn to Josh he repeats it a thousand times, at that moment I felt the wave of positive energy flow throughout my body and I said it back and all I wanted to do was jump into his arms and stay there forever. He also came bearing two letters, one mine and one is his from the college we both applied to together. We both excitedly but nervously opened the letter. There were a few moments of silence in the room, my mother and brother crossing their fingers waiting for one of us to say something. I went first squealing ¡°I got in!¡± My mom and brother came running to hug me and congratulate me. We all turned to Josh, from his tense face expression my heart kept skipping beats waiting to hear something. He then began smiling, all of us confused and he then told us he also got in.


    We all then began to celebrate, later that evening we went to dinner with both our families and there was laughter and love and happiness.

 Is it the happy ending or not?

    <u>Chapter 4</u>


    5 months later


    It was the time for our last summer before going off to college. Everyone was excited to go off to start off a new chapter of their lives, some more nervous than others but Josh and I knew there was nothing to worry about because we will have each other and we¡¯ll both be fine. We spent the whole summer together and we also got to know more about each other''s families. We went to the beach together, went to the movies together and spent every moment possible together. We even spent the fourth of July together and that night we laid under the night starry sky watching the beautiful colorful fireworks as we held each other


    We spent my birthday together which was on the 22nd of August. We went for lunch together, went to the mall for shopping and he kept giving me surprise gifts which were adorable. He gave me his two favourite hoodies and took me places we could spend time at, took a million pictures on his phone and when we took a couple polaroids. He then took me home and when we entered it was dark and I was confused and he walked in and switched the lights on and my family and closest friends jumped out from their hiding spaces yelling surprise and there was my favourite cake and we all enjoyed that evening together making all my worries disappear like they never existed. Right after I cut my cake, Josh pulled a little box out of his pocket and opened it, there it was a silver ring with our initials on it. He put it on my finger telling me ¡°I promise to be there and never harm you. This ring is a symbol of my promise to you.¡±


    The next day we then started packing up our clothes and things we shall need when we leave in a week to go to college. The day to leave home was finally there. Both mine and Josh¡¯s families came to drop us off as we both became part of each other¡¯s families. We were so excited to have each other together but still anxious about the new life that we were about to start. We got our dorm rooms and class schedule, gladly we had a lot of time together as our class schedules were the same. The first day of school arrived and we were all prepared to start the first day of a new chapter.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    8 years later


    Eight years later Josh and I are still together and going strong and we are happier than we have ever been. Throughout college I started going to therapy and learnt how to better control my anxiety and also how to deal with my depression. I have grown so much after going to therapy especially with my family¡¯s support and Josh¡¯s. We both settled down together and he proposed to me on my birthday this year. We are happy to continue to live and grow old together. The wedding we are planning is in December this year on Christmas day which is also Josh¡¯s birthday.


    The wedding planning has been going well and we have an excellent wedding planner but as it is going well it has also kept Josh and I very busy. I have actually decided to invite my dad since I am now at peace with our past and it¡¯s time I accept him. After a lot of fights and arguments and doubts our wedding is actually nearing faster than we thought. Invites have been sent, the venue has been chosen, my dress has been picked and it¡¯s almost time.


    The long awaited day of my wedding has finally arrived and I am the happiest person on earth as I am going to marry my first and last true love, my prince charming that I have always dreamed of since I was a child. My white ball-gown wedding dress fell beautifully to the floor and it¡¯s train dragged neatly behind me sweeping the floor as I walked. I used this time as a moment to give my dad a chance to walk me down the aisle as a symbol of me accepting him and forgiving him. It was also a way to give me more peace with my past. As I walked down the aisle I couldn¡¯t help but notice a tear or two fall from Josh¡¯s eye as soon as he saw me. We said our vows well Josh and I exchanged the papers as we were so happy we couldn¡¯t help sob tears of joy, crying so much out of joy we were not able to speak. After so much we have been through together we were finally officially going to spend the rest of our lives together till we grow old and grey. After my dark and painful past I was finally at peace with myself and my emotions. I got my happy ending after all with my knight and shining armor just as I had dreamed it would be.


    Wait! Did you think it''s the end. This story isn''t yet over!!